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THE PROFESSOR

by (AKA Charlotte Brontë) Currer Bell

by (AKA Charlotte Brontë) Currer Bell















PREFACE.

This little book was written before either “Jane Eyre” or “Shirley,” and yet no indulgence can be solicited for it on the plea of a first attempt. A first attempt it certainly was not, as the pen which wrote it had been previously worn a good deal in a practice of some years. I had not indeed published anything before I commenced “The Professor,” but in many a crude effort, destroyed almost as soon as composed, I had got over any such taste as I might once have had for ornamented and redundant composition, and come to prefer what was plain and homely. At the same time I had adopted a set of principles on the subject of incident, &c., such as would be generally approved in theory, but the result of which, when carried out into practice, often procures for an author more surprise than pleasure.

This little book was written before either "Jane Eyre" or "Shirley," and yet no leniency can be asked for it on the grounds of being a first attempt. It definitely wasn’t a first try, as the pen that wrote it had been used quite a bit during several years of practice. I hadn’t published anything before I started "The Professor," but through many rough drafts that were discarded almost as soon as they were written, I had moved past any desire I once had for fancy and excessive writing styles and had come to prefer something simple and straightforward. At the same time, I had adopted a set of principles about plot and other elements that would generally be considered acceptable in theory, but when put into practice, often leads a writer to more surprises than satisfaction.

I said to myself that my hero should work his way through life as I had seen real living men work theirs—that he should never get a shilling he had not earned—that no sudden turns should lift him in a moment to wealth and high station; that whatever small competency he might gain, should be won by the sweat of his brow; that, before he could find so much as an arbour to sit down in, he should master at least half the ascent of “the Hill of Difficulty;” that he should not even marry a beautiful girl or a lady of rank. As Adam’s son he should share Adam’s doom, and drain throughout life a mixed and moderate cup of enjoyment.

I told myself that my hero should navigate life the way I’d seen real men do—earning every single penny he had—that he shouldn't suddenly become rich or elevated to a high position without hard work; that any small amount of success he achieved should come from his own effort; that, before he could even find a cozy place to rest, he should tackle at least half of “the Hill of Difficulty;” that he shouldn't even marry a beautiful girl or a woman of high status. As Adam’s son, he should face Adam's fate and sip from a balanced mix of enjoyment throughout his life.

In the sequel, however, I find that publishers in general scarcely approved of this system, but would have liked something more imaginative and poetical—something more consonant with a highly wrought fancy, with a taste for pathos, with sentiments more tender, elevated, unworldly. Indeed, until an author has tried to dispose of a manuscript of this kind, he can never know what stores of romance and sensibility lie hidden in breasts he would not have suspected of casketing such treasures. Men in business are usually thought to prefer the real; on trial the idea will be often found fallacious: a passionate preference for the wild, wonderful, and thrilling—the strange, startling, and harrowing—agitates divers souls that show a calm and sober surface.

In the sequel, however, I find that publishers generally didn’t really approve of this system; they would have preferred something more imaginative and poetic—something that aligns with a highly developed imagination, a taste for pathos, and more tender, elevated, and unworldly sentiments. In fact, until an author has tried to sell a manuscript like this, they can never realize what treasures of romance and sensitivity are hidden in people they wouldn’t have guessed could hold such riches. Businesspeople are usually thought to prefer the realistic, but in reality, this notion is often misguided: a passionate desire for the wild, amazing, and thrilling—the strange, shocking, and distressing—stirs diverse souls that appear calm and serious on the surface.

Such being the case, the reader will comprehend that to have reached him in the form of a printed book, this brief narrative must have gone through some struggles—which indeed it has. And after all, its worst struggle and strongest ordeal is yet to come but it takes comfort—subdues fear—leans on the staff of a moderate expectation—and mutters under its breath, while lifting its eye to that of the public,

Such being the case, the reader will understand that to arrive at him in the form of a printed book, this short story must have faced some challenges—which it has. And after all, its toughest struggle and greatest test is yet to come, but it finds comfort—soothes its fears—leans on a reasonable expectation—and murmurs quietly, while raising its gaze to meet that of the public,

“He that is low need fear no fall.”

"Those who are humble have nothing to fear."

CURRER BELL.

CURRER BELL.

The foregoing preface was written by my wife with a view to the publication of “The Professor,” shortly after the appearance of “Shirley.” Being dissuaded from her intention, the authoress made some use of the materials in a subsequent work—“Villette.” As, however, these two stories are in most respects unlike, it has been represented to me that I ought not to withhold “The Professor” from the public. I have therefore consented to its publication.

The preface above was written by my wife to accompany the publication of “The Professor,” soon after “Shirley” was released. After being talked out of her plan, the author used some of the material in a later work—“Villette.” However, since these two stories are quite different in many ways, I've been advised that I shouldn't keep “The Professor” from the public. Therefore, I have agreed to its publication.

A. B. NICHOLLS

A. B. Nicholls

Haworth Parsonage,

Haworth Parsonage,

September 22nd, 1856.

September 22, 1856.

T H E    P R O F E S S O R

CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTORY.

THE other day, in looking over my papers, I found in my desk the following copy of a letter, sent by me a year since to an old school acquaintance:—

THE other day, while going through my papers, I found in my desk the following copy of a letter I sent a year ago to an old school friend:—

“DEAR CHARLES,

“Hey Charles,

“I think when you and I were at Eton together, we were neither of us what could be called popular characters: you were a sarcastic, observant, shrewd, cold-blooded creature; my own portrait I will not attempt to draw, but I cannot recollect that it was a strikingly attractive one—can you? What animal magnetism drew thee and me together I know not; certainly I never experienced anything of the Pylades and Orestes sentiment for you, and I have reason to believe that you, on your part, were equally free from all romantic regard to me. Still, out of school hours we walked and talked continually together; when the theme of conversation was our companions or our masters we understood each other, and when I recurred to some sentiment of affection, some vague love of an excellent or beautiful object, whether in animate or inanimate nature, your sardonic coldness did not move me. I felt myself superior to that check then as I do now.

“I think when you and I were at Eton together, we weren't exactly what you'd call popular; you were a sarcastic, sharp, observant, and somewhat cold person. I won't try to describe myself, but I can't remember being particularly appealing—can you? I don't know what drew us together, but I can say I never felt any deep bond like Pylades and Orestes for you, and I have reason to believe you didn't feel any romantic feelings for me either. Still, outside of class, we walked and talked all the time; when our conversations centered on our friends or teachers, we got each other, and even when I spoke about feelings or a vague love for something excellent or beautiful, whether alive or not, your biting indifference didn't faze me. I felt superior to that dismissal back then and still do now."

“It is a long time since I wrote to you, and a still longer time since I saw you. Chancing to take up a newspaper of your county the other day, my eye fell upon your name. I began to think of old times; to run over the events which have transpired since we separated; and I sat down and commenced this letter. What you have been doing I know not; but you shall hear, if you choose to listen, how the world has wagged with me.

“It’s been a while since I wrote to you, and even longer since I last saw you. I happened to pick up a newspaper from your area the other day, and I noticed your name. I started reminiscing about old times and thought about everything that’s happened since we parted ways, so I sat down and began this letter. I don’t know what you’ve been up to, but if you’re interested, I’ll share how things have been going for me.”

“First, after leaving Eton, I had an interview with my maternal uncles, Lord Tynedale and the Hon. John Seacombe. They asked me if I would enter the Church, and my uncle the nobleman offered me the living of Seacombe, which is in his gift, if I would; then my other uncle, Mr. Seacombe, hinted that when I became rector of Seacombe-cum-Scaife, I might perhaps be allowed to take, as mistress of my house and head of my parish, one of my six cousins, his daughters, all of whom I greatly dislike.

“First, after leaving Eton, I met with my maternal uncles, Lord Tynedale and the Hon. John Seacombe. They asked me if I would consider joining the Church, and my noble uncle offered me the position of rector at Seacombe, which he could provide, if I was interested. Then my other uncle, Mr. Seacombe, suggested that when I became rector of Seacombe-cum-Scaife, I might be allowed to take one of my six cousins, his daughters, as the mistress of my house and head of my parish, all of whom I really dislike."

“I declined both the Church and matrimony. A good clergyman is a good thing, but I should have made a very bad one. As to the wife—oh how like a night-mare is the thought of being bound for life to one of my cousins! No doubt they are accomplished and pretty; but not an accomplishment, not a charm of theirs, touches a chord in my bosom. To think of passing the winter evenings by the parlour fire-side of Seacombe Rectory alone with one of them—for instance, the large and well-modelled statue, Sarah—no; I should be a bad husband, under such circumstances, as well as a bad clergyman.

“I turned down both the Church and marriage. A good clergyman is a valuable thing, but I would have made a terrible one. As for having a wife—ugh, the thought of being tied for life to one of my cousins feels like a nightmare! Sure, they’re talented and attractive; but not one of their skills or charms resonates with me. Just imagining spending winter evenings by the fireplace at Seacombe Rectory alone with one of them—for instance, the tall and well-shaped Sarah—no; I’d be a terrible husband in that situation, just like I would be a terrible clergyman.”

“When I had declined my uncles’ offers they asked me ‘what I intended to do?’ I said I should reflect. They reminded me that I had no fortune, and no expectation of any, and, after a considerable pause, Lord Tynedale demanded sternly, ‘Whether I had thoughts of following my father’s steps and engaging in trade?’ Now, I had had no thoughts of the sort. I do not think that my turn of mind qualifies me to make a good tradesman; my taste, my ambition does not lie in that way; but such was the scorn expressed in Lord Tynedale’s countenance as he pronounced the word trade—such the contemptuous sarcasm of his tone—that I was instantly decided. My father was but a name to me, yet that name I did not like to hear mentioned with a sneer to my very face. I answered then, with haste and warmth, ‘I cannot do better than follow in my father’s steps; yes, I will be a tradesman.’ My uncles did not remonstrate; they and I parted with mutual disgust. In reviewing this transaction, I find that I was quite right to shake off the burden of Tynedale’s patronage, but a fool to offer my shoulders instantly for the reception of another burden—one which might be more intolerable, and which certainly was yet untried.

"When I turned down my uncles' offers, they asked me what I planned to do. I said I needed to think about it. They reminded me that I had no money, no prospects, and after a long pause, Lord Tynedale asked sternly if I was considering following in my father's footsteps and going into business. I hadn't thought about that at all. I don’t think I have the temperament to be a successful businessman; my interests and ambitions are elsewhere. However, the disdain on Lord Tynedale's face when he said the word trade—the sneering tone he used—made me decide right then. My father was just a name to me, but I didn’t like hearing it used mockingly to my face. So I replied quickly and passionately, 'I can’t do better than follow in my father’s footsteps; yes, I will be a businessman.' My uncles didn’t argue; we parted ways in mutual annoyance. Looking back on this, I realize I was right to reject Tynedale’s influence, but it was foolish to immediately take on another burden—one that might be even harder to bear and was completely unknown."

“I wrote instantly to Edward—you know Edward—my only brother, ten years my senior, married to a rich mill-owner’s daughter, and now possessor of the mill and business which was my father’s before he failed. You are aware that my father—once reckoned a Croesus of wealth—became bankrupt a short time previous to his death, and that my mother lived in destitution for some six months after him, unhelped by her aristocratical brothers, whom she had mortally offended by her union with Crimsworth, the ——shire manufacturer. At the end of the six months she brought me into the world, and then herself left it without, I should think, much regret, as it contained little hope or comfort for her.

"I wrote immediately to Edward—you know Edward—my only brother, ten years older than me, married to the daughter of a wealthy mill owner, and now the owner of the mill and business that used to belong to our father before he went bankrupt. You know that my father—once considered extremely wealthy—filed for bankruptcy shortly before he died, and that my mother lived in poverty for about six months after he passed, with no help from her aristocratic brothers, whom she had greatly offended by marrying Crimsworth, the ——shire manufacturer. After those six months, she gave birth to me and then left this world without, I believe, much regret, as it offered her little hope or comfort."

“My father’s relations took charge of Edward, as they did of me, till I was nine years old. At that period it chanced that the representation of an important borough in our county fell vacant; Mr. Seacombe stood for it. My uncle Crimsworth, an astute mercantile man, took the opportunity of writing a fierce letter to the candidate, stating that if he and Lord Tynedale did not consent to do something towards the support of their sister’s orphan children, he would expose their relentless and malignant conduct towards that sister, and do his best to turn the circumstances against Mr. Seacombe’s election. That gentleman and Lord T. knew well enough that the Crimsworths were an unscrupulous and determined race; they knew also that they had influence in the borough of X——; and, making a virtue of necessity, they consented to defray the expenses of my education. I was sent to Eton, where I remained ten years, during which space of time Edward and I never met. He, when he grew up, entered into trade, and pursued his calling with such diligence, ability, and success, that now, in his thirtieth year, he was fast making a fortune. Of this I was apprised by the occasional short letters I received from him, some three or four times a year; which said letters never concluded without some expression of determined enmity against the house of Seacombe, and some reproach to me for living, as he said, on the bounty of that house. At first, while still in boyhood, I could not understand why, as I had no parents, I should not be indebted to my uncles Tynedale and Seacombe for my education; but as I grew up, and heard by degrees of the persevering hostility, the hatred till death evinced by them against my father—of the sufferings of my mother—of all the wrongs, in short, of our house—then did I conceive shame of the dependence in which I lived, and form a resolution no more to take bread from hands which had refused to minister to the necessities of my dying mother. It was by these feelings I was influenced when I refused the Rectory of Seacombe, and the union with one of my patrician cousins.

“My father’s relatives took care of Edward and me until I was nine years old. During that time, an important seat in our county became available; Mr. Seacombe was running for it. My Uncle Crimsworth, a sharp businessman, took the chance to write a harsh letter to the candidate, saying that if he and Lord Tynedale didn’t do something to support their sister’s orphaned children, he would reveal their cruel and malicious behavior towards her and do his best to sabotage Mr. Seacombe’s election. Both Mr. Seacombe and Lord T. knew that the Crimsworths were ruthless and persistent; they also knew that the Crimsworths had influence in the borough of X——; so, realizing they had no choice, they agreed to cover my education expenses. I was sent to Eton, where I stayed for ten years, during which Edward and I never saw each other. As he grew up, he entered into trade and worked with such diligence, skill, and success that now, at thirty, he was quickly making a fortune. I learned about this through the occasional short letters I received from him, three or four times a year; these letters always ended with some expression of strong resentment towards the Seacombe family and a reproach to me for living, as he put it, on the charity of that family. In my youth, I couldn’t understand why, since I had no parents, I shouldn’t be grateful to my uncles Tynedale and Seacombe for my education. But as I matured and gradually learned about their ongoing hostility, their lifelong hatred towards my father, my mother’s suffering, and all the injustices our family faced, I began to feel ashamed of my dependence on them and resolved not to accept assistance from those who had denied help to my dying mother. These feelings influenced my decision to decline the Rectory of Seacombe and the chance to marry one of my aristocratic cousins.”

“An irreparable breach thus being effected between my uncles and myself, I wrote to Edward; told him what had occurred, and informed him of my intention to follow his steps and be a tradesman. I asked, moreover, if he could give me employment. His answer expressed no approbation of my conduct, but he said I might come down to ——shire, if I liked, and he would ‘see what could be done in the way of furnishing me with work.’ I repressed all—even mental comment on his note—packed my trunk and carpet-bag, and started for the North directly.

“An irreparable rift had formed between my uncles and me, so I wrote to Edward, explaining what had happened and telling him I intended to follow his path and become a tradesman. I also asked if he could offer me a job. His reply didn’t show any support for my decision, but he said I could come to ——shire if I wanted, and he would ‘see what could be done about finding me work.’ I held back any thoughts on his note, packed my suitcase and carpet bag, and headed straight for the North.”

“After two days’ travelling (railroads were not then in existence) I arrived, one wet October afternoon, in the town of X——. I had always understood that Edward lived in this town, but on inquiry I found that it was only Mr. Crimsworth’s mill and warehouse which were situated in the smoky atmosphere of Bigben Close; his residence lay four miles out, in the country.

“After two days of traveling (there were no railroads back then), I arrived in the town of X—— on a rainy October afternoon. I had always thought Edward lived in this town, but when I asked around, I discovered that it was only Mr. Crimsworth’s mill and warehouse that were located in the smoky area of Bigben Close; his home was four miles away in the countryside."

“It was late in the evening when I alighted at the gates of the habitation designated to me as my brother’s. As I advanced up the avenue, I could see through the shades of twilight, and the dark gloomy mists which deepened those shades, that the house was large, and the grounds surrounding it sufficiently spacious. I paused a moment on the lawn in front, and leaning my back against a tall tree which rose in the centre, I gazed with interest on the exterior of Crimsworth Hall.

“It was late in the evening when I arrived at the gates of what was designated as my brother’s home. As I walked up the driveway, I could see through the dim twilight and the dark, gloomy mist that made it even darker that the house was large and the grounds around it were quite spacious. I paused for a moment on the lawn in front, leaning my back against a tall tree in the center, and I looked with interest at the exterior of Crimsworth Hall.”

“Edward is rich,” thought I to myself. ‘I believed him to be doing well—but I did not know he was master of a mansion like this.’ Cutting short all marvelling, speculation, conjecture, &c., I advanced to the front door and rang. A man-servant opened it—I announced myself—he relieved me of my wet cloak and carpet-bag, and ushered me into a room furnished as a library, where there was a bright fire and candles burning on the table; he informed me that his master was not yet returned from X—— market, but that he would certainly be at home in the course of half an hour.

“Edward is wealthy,” I thought to myself. ‘I thought he was doing well—but I didn’t realize he owned a mansion like this.’ Cutting short all my wondering, speculation, and guesses, I walked up to the front door and rang the bell. A manservant opened it—I introduced myself—he took my wet cloak and suitcase and led me into a room that was set up as a library, where a bright fire blazed and candles lit up the table; he told me that his master hadn’t returned from X—— market yet, but he would definitely be home within half an hour.

“Being left to myself, I took the stuffed easy chair, covered with red morocco, which stood by the fireside, and while my eyes watched the flames dart from the glowing coals, and the cinders fall at intervals on the hearth, my mind busied itself in conjectures concerning the meeting about to take place. Amidst much that was doubtful in the subject of these conjectures, there was one thing tolerably certain—I was in no danger of encountering severe disappointment; from this, the moderation of my expectations guaranteed me. I anticipated no overflowings of fraternal tenderness; Edward’s letters had always been such as to prevent the engendering or harbouring of delusions of this sort. Still, as I sat awaiting his arrival, I felt eager—very eager—I cannot tell you why; my hand, so utterly a stranger to the grasp of a kindred hand, clenched itself to repress the tremor with which impatience would fain have shaken it.

Being left alone, I took the comfy armchair covered in red leather that was by the fireplace. While I watched the flames flicker from the glowing coals and the ashes occasionally fall on the hearth, my mind occupied itself with thoughts about the upcoming meeting. Among many uncertainties surrounding these thoughts, one thing was pretty clear—I was unlikely to face a major disappointment; my moderate expectations ensured that. I didn't expect any overwhelming displays of brotherly affection; Edward's letters had always prevented any delusions of that kind from forming. Still, as I sat waiting for him to arrive, I felt eager—very eager—I can't quite explain why; my hand, which had never experienced the touch of a familiar hand, clenched tight to suppress the nervousness that impatience wanted to shake loose.

“I thought of my uncles; and as I was engaged in wondering whether Edward’s indifference would equal the cold disdain I had always experienced from them, I heard the avenue gates open: wheels approached the house; Mr. Crimsworth was arrived; and after the lapse of some minutes, and a brief dialogue between himself and his servant in the hall, his tread drew near the library door—that tread alone announced the master of the house.

“I thought about my uncles; and while I was wondering if Edward’s indifference would match the cold disdain I had always felt from them, I heard the avenue gates open: wheels were coming up to the house; Mr. Crimsworth had arrived; and after a few minutes, and a short conversation between him and his servant in the hall, his footsteps approached the library door—that sound alone signaled the master of the house.”

“I still retained some confused recollection of Edward as he was ten years ago—a tall, wiry, raw youth; now, as I rose from my seat and turned towards the library door, I saw a fine-looking and powerful man, light-complexioned, well-made, and of athletic proportions; the first glance made me aware of an air of promptitude and sharpness, shown as well in his movements as in his port, his eye, and the general expression of his face. He greeted me with brevity, and, in the moment of shaking hands, scanned me from head to foot; he took his seat in the morocco covered arm-chair, and motioned me to another seat.

I still had some hazy memories of Edward from ten years ago—a tall, lean, awkward kid; now, as I got up from my chair and turned towards the library door, I saw a handsome and strong man, light-skinned, well-built, and athletic; my first impression revealed a sense of readiness and sharpness, evident in his movements, posture, eyes, and the overall expression on his face. He greeted me briefly, and while shaking my hand, he looked me over from head to toe; he sat down in the leather armchair and gestured for me to take another seat.

“‘I expected you would have called at the counting-house in the Close,’ said he; and his voice, I noticed, had an abrupt accent, probably habitual to him; he spoke also with a guttural northern tone, which sounded harsh in my ears, accustomed to the silvery utterance of the South.

“‘I thought you would have stopped by the counting-house in the Close,’ he said; and I noticed his voice had a sharp edge, probably a habit of his; he also spoke with a rough northern accent, which sounded jarring to my ears, used to the smooth speech of the South.”

“‘The landlord of the inn, where the coach stopped, directed me here,’ said I. ‘I doubted at first the accuracy of his information, not being aware that you had such a residence as this.’

“‘The innkeeper, where the coach made a stop, sent me here,’ I said. ‘At first, I wasn’t sure if the information was correct since I didn’t know you had a place like this.’”

“‘Oh, it is all right!’ he replied, ‘only I was kept half an hour behind time, waiting for you—that is all. I thought you must be coming by the eight o’clock coach.’

“‘Oh, it’s fine!’ he replied, ‘I just got held up for half an hour waiting for you—that’s all. I figured you were coming on the eight o’clock coach.’”

“I expressed regret that he had had to wait; he made no answer, but stirred the fire, as if to cover a movement of impatience; then he scanned me again.

“I expressed regret that he had to wait; he said nothing, but stirred the fire, as if to hide a show of impatience; then he watched me again.

“I felt an inward satisfaction that I had not, in the first moment of meeting, betrayed any warmth, any enthusiasm; that I had saluted this man with a quiet and steady phlegm.

“I felt a sense of inner satisfaction that I hadn't, in the first moment of meeting, shown any warmth or enthusiasm; that I had greeted this man with calm and steady composure.”

“‘Have you quite broken with Tynedale and Seacombe?’ he asked hastily.

“‘Have you completely cut ties with Tynedale and Seacombe?’ he asked quickly.

“‘I do not think I shall have any further communication with them; my refusal of their proposals will, I fancy, operate as a barrier against all future intercourse.’

“‘I don’t think I’ll have any more communication with them; I believe my rejection of their proposals will serve as a barrier to any future contact.’”

“‘Why,’ said he, ‘I may as well remind you at the very outset of our connection, that “no man can serve two masters.” Acquaintance with Lord Tynedale will be incompatible with assistance from me.’ There was a kind of gratuitous menace in his eye as he looked at me in finishing this observation.

“‘Why,’ he said, ‘let me remind you right from the start of our relationship that “no one can serve two masters.” Getting to know Lord Tynedale will conflict with any help I can offer you.’ There was a hint of unnecessary threat in his gaze as he finished this statement.”

“Feeling no disposition to reply to him, I contented myself with an inward speculation on the differences which exist in the constitution of men’s minds. I do not know what inference Mr. Crimsworth drew from my silence—whether he considered it a symptom of contumacity or an evidence of my being cowed by his peremptory manner. After a long and hard stare at me, he rose sharply from his seat.

“Not in the mood to respond to him, I settled for a quiet reflection on the differences in how people's minds work. I have no idea what conclusion Mr. Crimsworth reached from my silence—whether he took it as a sign of defiance or as proof that I was intimidated by his commanding attitude. After staring at me for what felt like a long time, he abruptly got up from his seat.”

“‘To-morrow,’ said he, ‘I shall call your attention to some other points; but now it is supper time, and Mrs. Crimsworth is probably waiting; will you come?’

“‘Tomorrow,’ he said, ‘I’ll bring up some other points; but right now it’s dinner time, and Mrs. Crimsworth is probably waiting; will you join me?’”

“He strode from the room, and I followed. In crossing the hall, I wondered what Mrs. Crimsworth might be. ‘Is she,’ thought I, ‘as alien to what I like as Tynedale, Seacombe, the Misses Seacombe—as the affectionate relative now striding before me? or is she better than these? Shall I, in conversing with her, feel free to show something of my real nature; or—’ Further conjectures were arrested by my entrance into the dining-room.

“He walked out of the room, and I followed him. As we crossed the hall, I wondered what Mrs. Crimsworth might be like. ‘Is she,’ I thought, ‘as different from what I like as Tynedale, Seacombe, the Misses Seacombe—as the affectionate relative now walking ahead of me? Or is she better than these? Will I be able to show a bit of my true self when I talk to her; or—’ My thoughts were interrupted as I entered the dining room.

“A lamp, burning under a shade of ground-glass, showed a handsome apartment, wainscoted with oak; supper was laid on the table; by the fire-place, standing as if waiting our entrance, appeared a lady; she was young, tall, and well shaped; her dress was handsome and fashionable: so much my first glance sufficed to ascertain. A gay salutation passed between her and Mr. Crimsworth; she chid him, half playfully, half poutingly, for being late; her voice (I always take voices into the account in judging of character) was lively—it indicated, I thought, good animal spirits. Mr. Crimsworth soon checked her animated scolding with a kiss—a kiss that still told of the bridegroom (they had not yet been married a year); she took her seat at the supper-table in first-rate spirits. Perceiving me, she begged my pardon for not noticing me before, and then shook hands with me, as ladies do when a flow of good-humour disposes them to be cheerful to all, even the most indifferent of their acquaintance. It was now further obvious to me that she had a good complexion, and features sufficiently marked but agreeable; her hair was red—quite red. She and Edward talked much, always in a vein of playful contention; she was vexed, or pretended to be vexed, that he had that day driven a vicious horse in the gig, and he made light of her fears. Sometimes she appealed to me.

A lamp, glowing under a frosted shade, illuminated a beautiful apartment, paneled with oak; dinner was set on the table; by the fireplace, waiting for us, stood a lady; she was young, tall, and well-shaped; her outfit was stylish and attractive, which my first glance confirmed. A cheerful greeting passed between her and Mr. Crimsworth; she teased him, half playfully and half with a pout, for being late; her voice—which I always consider when judging character—was lively and suggested good spirits. Mr. Crimsworth quickly silenced her lively scolding with a kiss—a kiss that still carried the affection of a newlywed (they had been married for less than a year); she took her place at the dinner table in high spirits. Noticing me, she apologized for not acknowledging me earlier, then shook my hand, as ladies do when they are in a cheerful mood, even toward those they hardly know. It became more evident to me that she had a good complexion and features that were distinct yet pleasant; her hair was bright red—definitely red. She and Edward engaged in lively conversation, often playfully bantering; she pretended to be annoyed that he had driven a difficult horse in the carriage that day, while he dismissed her concerns. Occasionally, she turned to me for my opinion.

“‘Now, Mr. William, isn’t it absurd in Edward to talk so? He says he will drive Jack, and no other horse, and the brute has thrown him twice already.

“‘Now, Mr. William, isn’t it ridiculous for Edward to say that? He claims he will drive Jack, and no other horse, even though the beast has thrown him off twice already.

“She spoke with a kind of lisp, not disagreeable, but childish. I soon saw also that there was more than girlish—a somewhat infantine expression in her by no means small features; this lisp and expression were, I have no doubt, a charm in Edward’s eyes, and would be so to those of most men, but they were not to mine. I sought her eye, desirous to read there the intelligence which I could not discern in her face or hear in her conversation; it was merry, rather small; by turns I saw vivacity, vanity, coquetry, look out through its irid, but I watched in vain for a glimpse of soul. I am no Oriental; white necks, carmine lips and cheeks, clusters of bright curls, do not suffice for me without that Promethean spark which will live after the roses and lilies are faded, the burnished hair grown grey. In sunshine, in prosperity, the flowers are very well; but how many wet days are there in life—November seasons of disaster, when a man’s hearth and home would be cold indeed, without the clear, cheering gleam of intellect.

“She spoke with a slight lisp, which wasn’t unpleasant but felt a bit childish. I quickly realized that there was more than just girlishness—a somewhat childlike expression in her otherwise prominent features; this lisp and expression were, I’m sure, charming to Edward and would be to most men, but not to me. I looked into her eyes, eager to find the intelligence that I couldn’t see in her face or hear in her conversation; they were bright and rather small; sometimes I caught glimpses of liveliness, vanity, and flirtation shining through, but I searched in vain for a glimpse of her soul. I am not one for superficial beauty; white necks, red lips and cheeks, clusters of shiny curls don’t mean much to me without that spark of spirit that lasts beyond the fading of roses and lilies, beyond the graying of hair. In sunny days and times of prosperity, the flowers are nice; but how many rainy days are there in life—those November seasons of hardship, when a man’s home would feel very cold indeed without the warm, bright light of intellect.

“Having perused the fair page of Mrs. Crimsworth’s face, a deep, involuntary sigh announced my disappointment; she took it as a homage to her beauty, and Edward, who was evidently proud of his rich and handsome young wife, threw on me a glance—half ridicule, half ire.

“After looking at the lovely features of Mrs. Crimsworth’s face, I let out a deep, involuntary sigh that showed my disappointment; she took it as a compliment to her beauty, and Edward, who clearly took pride in his wealthy and attractive young wife, shot me a glance—part mockery, part anger.”

“I turned from them both, and gazing wearily round the room, I saw two pictures set in the oak panelling—one on each side the mantel-piece. Ceasing to take part in the bantering conversation that flowed on between Mr. and Mrs. Crimsworth, I bent my thoughts to the examination of these pictures. They were portraits—a lady and a gentleman, both costumed in the fashion of twenty years ago. The gentleman was in the shade. I could not see him well. The lady had the benefit of a full beam from the softly shaded lamp. I presently recognised her; I had seen this picture before in childhood; it was my mother; that and the companion picture being the only heir-looms saved out of the sale of my father’s property.

I turned away from both of them, and, looking around the room tiredly, I noticed two pictures set in the oak paneling—one on each side of the mantelpiece. As I stopped engaging in the playful banter between Mr. and Mrs. Crimsworth, I focused my thoughts on examining these pictures. They were portraits—a lady and a gentleman, both dressed in the fashion of twenty years ago. The gentleman was in the shadows, and I couldn't see him clearly. The lady was illuminated by a soft light from the lamp. I soon recognized her; I had seen this picture before when I was a child; it was my mother, and the other picture was the only heirloom saved from the sale of my father's estate.

“The face, I remembered, had pleased me as a boy, but then I did not understand it; now I knew how rare that class of face is in the world, and I appreciated keenly its thoughtful, yet gentle expression. The serious grey eye possessed for me a strong charm, as did certain lines in the features indicative of most true and tender feeling. I was sorry it was only a picture.

"The face, I remembered, had made me happy as a boy, but I didn’t understand it back then; now I realized how rare that type of face is in the world, and I really appreciated its thoughtful yet gentle expression. The serious gray eye had a strong charm for me, as did certain lines in the features that showed deep and tender feelings. I wished it wasn't just a picture."

“I soon left Mr. and Mrs. Crimsworth to themselves; a servant conducted me to my bed-room; in closing my chamber-door, I shut out all intruders—you, Charles, as well as the rest.

“I soon left Mr. and Mrs. Crimsworth alone; a servant took me to my bedroom; by closing my bedroom door, I kept out all intruders—you, Charles, as well as everyone else.”

“Good-bye for the present,

"Goodbye for now,"

“WILLIAM CRIMSWORTH.”

“William Crimsworth.”

To this letter I never got an answer; before my old friend received it, he had accepted a Government appointment in one of the colonies, and was already on his way to the scene of his official labours. What has become of him since, I know not.

To this letter, I never got a response; before my old friend received it, he accepted a government job in one of the colonies and was already on his way to his new post. I don't know what happened to him after that.

The leisure time I have at command, and which I intended to employ for his private benefit, I shall now dedicate to that of the public at large. My narrative is not exciting, and above all, not marvellous; but it may interest some individuals, who, having toiled in the same vocation as myself, will find in my experience frequent reflections of their own. The above letter will serve as an introduction. I now proceed.

The free time I have, which I planned to use for his personal benefit, I will now dedicate to the public instead. My story isn't thrilling or extraordinary; however, it may interest some people who, having worked in the same field as I have, will see parts of their own experiences reflected in mine. The letter above will act as an introduction. I’ll continue now.

CHAPTER II.

A FINE October morning succeeded to the foggy evening that had witnessed my first introduction to Crimsworth Hall. I was early up and walking in the large park-like meadow surrounding the house. The autumn sun, rising over the ——shire hills, disclosed a pleasant country; woods brown and mellow varied the fields from which the harvest had been lately carried; a river, gliding between the woods, caught on its surface the somewhat cold gleam of the October sun and sky; at frequent intervals along the banks of the river, tall, cylindrical chimneys, almost like slender round towers, indicated the factories which the trees half concealed; here and there mansions, similar to Crimsworth Hall, occupied agreeable sites on the hill-side; the country wore, on the whole, a cheerful, active, fertile look. Steam, trade, machinery had long banished from it all romance and seclusion. At a distance of five miles, a valley, opening between the low hills, held in its cups the great town of X——. A dense, permanent vapour brooded over this locality—there lay Edward’s “Concern.”

A beautiful October morning followed the foggy evening when I first arrived at Crimsworth Hall. I got up early and took a walk in the large meadow surrounding the house. The autumn sun, rising over the ——shire hills, revealed a lovely countryside; the woods were a warm, brown shade, contrasting with the fields where the harvest had just been collected. A river flowed through the woods, reflecting the somewhat chilly light of the October sun and sky. Along the riverbanks, tall, cylindrical chimneys—almost like slender towers—hinted at the factories that the trees partially hid. Here and there, mansions like Crimsworth Hall were situated on the hillside, and overall, the countryside had a cheerful, vibrant, and fertile appearance. Steam, industry, and machinery had long since wiped out any sense of romance or seclusion. Five miles away, a valley opened between the low hills, holding the bustling town of X—— in its embrace. A dense, lingering mist hovered over this area—there lay Edward’s "Concern."

I forced my eye to scrutinize this prospect, I forced my mind to dwell on it for a time, and when I found that it communicated no pleasurable emotion to my heart—that it stirred in me none of the hopes a man ought to feel, when he sees laid before him the scene of his life’s career—I said to myself, “William, you are a rebel against circumstances; you are a fool, and know not what you want; you have chosen trade and you shall be a tradesman. Look!” I continued mentally—“Look at the sooty smoke in that hollow, and know that there is your post! There you cannot dream, you cannot speculate and theorize—there you shall out and work!”

I forced myself to really examine this idea, and I made myself think about it for a while. When I realized it didn’t bring any joy to my heart—that it didn’t spark any of the hopes a person should feel when seeing the path of their life laid out before them—I told myself, “William, you’re fighting against reality; you’re being foolish and don’t know what you really want; you’ve chosen a trade, and you will be a tradesman. Look!” I continued in my thoughts—“Look at the dark smoke in that dip, and know that’s where you belong! There you can’t daydream, you can’t speculate or theorize—there you have to get out and work!”

Thus self-schooled, I returned to the house. My brother was in the breakfast-room. I met him collectedly—I could not meet him cheerfully; he was standing on the rug, his back to the fire—how much did I read in the expression of his eye as my glance encountered his, when I advanced to bid him good morning; how much that was contradictory to my nature! He said “Good morning” abruptly and nodded, and then he snatched, rather than took, a newspaper from the table, and began to read it with the air of a master who seizes a pretext to escape the bore of conversing with an underling. It was well I had taken a resolution to endure for a time, or his manner would have gone far to render insupportable the disgust I had just been endeavouring to subdue. I looked at him: I measured his robust frame and powerful proportions; I saw my own reflection in the mirror over the mantel-piece; I amused myself with comparing the two pictures. In face I resembled him, though I was not so handsome; my features were less regular; I had a darker eye, and a broader brow—in form I was greatly inferior—thinner, slighter, not so tall. As an animal, Edward excelled me far; should he prove as paramount in mind as in person I must be a slave—for I must expect from him no lion-like generosity to one weaker than himself; his cold, avaricious eye, his stern, forbidding manner told me he would not spare. Had I then force of mind to cope with him? I did not know; I had never been tried.

Having taught myself, I went back to the house. My brother was in the breakfast room. I approached him calmly—I couldn't greet him cheerfully; he was standing on the rug, facing away from the fire—so much was revealed in his eyes when our gazes met as I moved to say good morning; it was so much at odds with my own nature! He said “Good morning” abruptly and nodded, then he grabbed a newspaper from the table and started reading it, like someone who uses it as an excuse to avoid a dull conversation with someone beneath him. It was good that I had decided to put up with it for a while, or his attitude would have made the feeling of disgust I was trying to suppress almost unbearable. I looked at him, sizing up his strong body and powerful build; I saw my own reflection in the mirror above the mantel; I entertained myself by comparing the two images. We looked alike in the face, although I wasn't as good-looking; my features were less symmetrical; I had darker eyes and a wider forehead—in terms of build I was definitely weaker—thinner, smaller, not as tall. As an animal, Edward was much stronger than I was; if he was just as dominant in mind as he was in body, I would be a slave—because I couldn’t expect any lion-like generosity from him towards someone weaker than himself; his cold, greedy gaze and his stern, unwelcoming demeanor told me he wouldn't hold back. Did I have the mental strength to handle him? I didn’t know; I had never been tested.

Mrs. Crimsworth’s entrance diverted my thoughts for a moment. She looked well, dressed in white, her face and her attire shining in morning and bridal freshness. I addressed her with the degree of ease her last night’s careless gaiety seemed to warrant, but she replied with coolness and restraint: her husband had tutored her; she was not to be too familiar with his clerk.

Mrs. Crimsworth’s arrival distracted me for a moment. She looked good, dressed in white, her face and outfit glowing with morning and bridal freshness. I spoke to her with the casualness her carefree attitude from the night before suggested, but she responded with distance and restraint: her husband had instructed her; she was not supposed to be too familiar with his clerk.

As soon as breakfast was over Mr. Crimsworth intimated to me that they were bringing the gig round to the door, and that in five minutes he should expect me to be ready to go down with him to X——. I did not keep him waiting; we were soon dashing at a rapid rate along the road. The horse he drove was the same vicious animal about which Mrs. Crimsworth had expressed her fears the night before. Once or twice Jack seemed disposed to turn restive, but a vigorous and determined application of the whip from the ruthless hand of his master soon compelled him to submission, and Edward’s dilated nostril expressed his triumph in the result of the contest; he scarcely spoke to me during the whole of the brief drive, only opening his lips at intervals to damn his horse.

As soon as breakfast wrapped up, Mr. Crimsworth let me know they were bringing the gig around to the door and that he expected me to be ready in five minutes to head down with him to X----. I didn't keep him waiting; we quickly sped off down the road. The horse he drove was the same stubborn animal that Mrs. Crimsworth had worried about the night before. A couple of times, Jack seemed ready to act up, but a strong and determined crack of the whip from his ruthless master quickly brought him back in line. Edward’s flared nostrils showed his satisfaction with the outcome of the struggle; he barely spoke to me during the short drive, only muttering insults at his horse from time to time.

X—— was all stir and bustle when we entered it; we left the clean streets where there were dwelling-houses and shops, churches, and public buildings; we left all these, and turned down to a region of mills and warehouses; thence we passed through two massive gates into a great paved yard, and we were in Bigben Close, and the mill was before us, vomiting soot from its long chimney, and quivering through its thick brick walls with the commotion of its iron bowels. Workpeople were passing to and fro; a waggon was being laden with pieces. Mr. Crimsworth looked from side to side, and seemed at one glance to comprehend all that was going on; he alighted, and leaving his horse and gig to the care of a man who hastened to take the reins from his hand, he bid me follow him to the counting-house. We entered it; a very different place from the parlours of Crimsworth Hall—a place for business, with a bare, planked floor, a safe, two high desks and stools, and some chairs. A person was seated at one of the desks, who took off his square cap when Mr. Crimsworth entered, and in an instant was again absorbed in his occupation of writing or calculating—I know not which.

X—— was bustling with activity when we arrived; we left the clean streets lined with houses, shops, churches, and public buildings behind, and headed toward an area filled with mills and warehouses. After that, we passed through two large gates into a big paved yard, arriving at Bigben Close, where the mill stood before us, belching soot from its tall chimney and shuddering through its thick brick walls with the noise of its iron machinery. Workers were coming and going; a wagon was being loaded with goods. Mr. Crimsworth looked around quickly and seemed to grasp everything happening at once. He got out, leaving his horse and carriage to a man who hurried to take the reins from him, then he motioned for me to follow him to the counting-house. We stepped inside; it was a stark contrast to the parlors of Crimsworth Hall—a functional space with a bare wooden floor, a safe, two tall desks with stools, and some chairs. A person was seated at one of the desks, who took off his hat when Mr. Crimsworth entered, and within moments was focused again on his work of writing or calculating—I couldn't tell which.

Mr. Crimsworth, having removed his mackintosh, sat down by the fire. I remained standing near the hearth; he said presently—

Mr. Crimsworth, after taking off his raincoat, sat down by the fire. I stayed standing near the hearth; he said after a moment—

“Steighton, you may leave the room; I have some business to transact with this gentleman. Come back when you hear the bell.”

“Steighton, you can leave the room; I need to talk to this gentleman. Come back when you hear the bell.”

The individual at the desk rose and departed, closing the door as he went out. Mr. Crimsworth stirred the fire, then folded his arms, and sat a moment thinking, his lips compressed, his brow knit. I had nothing to do but to watch him—how well his features were cut! what a handsome man he was! Whence, then, came that air of contraction—that narrow and hard aspect on his forehead, in all his lineaments?

The person at the desk got up and left, shutting the door behind him. Mr. Crimsworth poked the fire, then crossed his arms and sat for a moment lost in thought, his lips pressed together and his brow furrowed. I had nothing to do but observe him—how well-defined his features were! What a good-looking man he was! So where did that tense expression come from—that tight and stern look on his forehead and in all his features?

Turning to me he began abruptly:

Turning to me, he started suddenly:

“You are come down to ——shire to learn to be a tradesman?”

“You've come down to ——shire to learn how to be a tradesman?”

“Yes, I am.”

"Yeah, I am."

“Have you made up your mind on the point? Let me know that at once.”

“Have you decided on this? Let me know right away.”

“Yes.”

“Yep.”

“Well, I am not bound to help you, but I have a place here vacant, if you are qualified for it. I will take you on trial. What can you do? Do you know anything besides that useless trash of college learning—Greek, Latin, and so forth?”

“Well, I’m not obligated to help you, but I have an opening here if you’re qualified for it. I’ll give you a trial. What skills do you have? Do you know anything besides that useless college stuff—like Greek, Latin, and all that?”

“I have studied mathematics.”

"I've studied math."

“Stuff! I dare say you have.”

"Stuff! I bet you do."

“I can read and write French and German.”

“I can read and write in French and German.”

“Hum!” He reflected a moment, then opening a drawer in a desk near him took out a letter, and gave it to me.

“Hum!” He thought for a moment, then opened a drawer in a nearby desk, took out a letter, and handed it to me.

“Can you read that?” he asked.

“Can you read that?” he asked.

It was a German commercial letter; I translated it; I could not tell whether he was gratified or not—his countenance remained fixed.

It was a German business letter; I translated it; I couldn't tell if he was pleased or not—his expression stayed the same.

“It is well,” he said, after a pause, “that you are acquainted with something useful, something that may enable you to earn your board and lodging: since you know French and German, I will take you as second clerk to manage the foreign correspondence of the house. I shall give you a good salary—£90 a year—and now,” he continued, raising his voice, “hear once for all what I have to say about our relationship, and all that sort of humbug! I must have no nonsense on that point; it would never suit me. I shall excuse you nothing on the plea of being my brother; if I find you stupid, negligent, dissipated, idle, or possessed of any faults detrimental to the interests of the house, I shall dismiss you as I would any other clerk. Ninety pounds a year are good wages, and I expect to have the full value of my money out of you; remember, too, that things are on a practical footing in my establishment—business-like habits, feelings, and ideas, suit me best. Do you understand?”

“It’s good,” he said after a pause, “that you know something useful, something that might help you pay for your food and lodging. Since you speak French and German, I’ll hire you as a second clerk to handle the company’s foreign correspondence. I’ll pay you a decent salary—£90 a year—and now,” he continued, raising his voice, “hear me out about our relationship and all that nonsense! I won’t tolerate any nonsense on that point; it just won’t work for me. I won’t excuse you for anything just because you’re my brother; if I find you to be stupid, careless, irresponsible, lazy, or have any flaws that harm the company’s interests, I’ll fire you just like any other clerk. Ninety pounds a year is good pay, and I expect to get my money's worth from you. Also, keep in mind that things operate practically in my business—professional habits, attitudes, and ideas are what I prefer. Do you understand?”

“Partly,” I replied. “I suppose you mean that I am to do my work for my wages; not to expect favour from you, and not to depend on you for any help but what I earn; that suits me exactly, and on these terms I will consent to be your clerk.”

“Partly,” I replied. “I guess you mean that I'm supposed to do my job for my pay; not to expect any special treatment from you, and not to rely on you for any help other than what I earn; that works for me, and on those terms, I will agree to be your clerk.”

I turned on my heel, and walked to the window; this time I did not consult his face to learn his opinion: what it was I do not know, nor did I then care. After a silence of some minutes he recommenced:—

I turned on my heel and walked to the window; this time I didn’t look at his face to figure out what he thought: I didn’t know what it was, nor did I care at that moment. After a few minutes of silence, he started speaking again:—

“You perhaps expect to be accommodated with apartments at Crimsworth Hall, and to go and come with me in the gig. I wish you, however, to be aware that such an arrangement would be quite inconvenient to me. I like to have the seat in my gig at liberty for any gentleman whom for business reasons I may wish to take down to the hall for a night or so. You will seek out lodgings in X——.”

“You might think you'll have a place to stay at Crimsworth Hall and that you can come and go with me in the carriage. However, I want you to understand that this arrangement would be quite inconvenient for me. I prefer to keep the seat in my carriage available for any gentleman I might need to take to the hall for a night or two. You should find accommodations in X——.”

Quitting the window, I walked back to the hearth.

Quitting the window, I walked back to the fireplace.

“Of course I shall seek out lodgings in X——,” I answered. “It would not suit me either to lodge at Crimsworth Hall.”

“Of course I’ll look for a place to stay in X——,” I replied. “It wouldn’t be right for me to stay at Crimsworth Hall either.”

My tone was quiet. I always speak quietly. Yet Mr. Crimsworth’s blue eye became incensed; he took his revenge rather oddly. Turning to me he said bluntly—

My tone was soft. I always speak softly. Yet Mr. Crimsworth’s blue eye became angry; he took his revenge in a rather strange way. Turning to me, he said directly—

“You are poor enough, I suppose; how do you expect to live till your quarter’s salary becomes due?”

"You’re broke enough, I guess; how do you expect to survive until your paycheck comes in?"

“I shall get on,” said I.

"I'm heading out," I said.

“How do you expect to live?” he repeated in a louder voice.

“How do you expect to live?” he said again, raising his voice.

“As I can, Mr. Crimsworth.”

“As much as I can, Mr. Crimsworth.”

“Get into debt at your peril! that’s all,” he answered. “For aught I know you may have extravagant aristocratic habits: if you have, drop them; I tolerate nothing of the sort here, and I will never give you a shilling extra, whatever liabilities you may incur—mind that.”

"Getting into debt is risky! That’s all there is to it," he replied. "For all I know, you might have some pricey aristocratic habits; if you do, let them go. I won’t put up with any of that here, and I’ll never give you an extra penny, no matter what debts you rack up—remember that."

“Yes, Mr. Crimsworth, you will find I have a good memory.”

“Yes, Mr. Crimsworth, you’ll see that I have a good memory.”

I said no more. I did not think the time was come for much parley. I had an instinctive feeling that it would be folly to let one’s temper effervesce often with such a man as Edward. I said to myself, “I will place my cup under this continual dropping; it shall stand there still and steady; when full, it will run over of itself—meantime patience. Two things are certain. I am capable of performing the work Mr. Crimsworth has set me; I can earn my wages conscientiously, and those wages are sufficient to enable me to live. As to the fact of my brother assuming towards me the bearing of a proud, harsh master, the fault is his, not mine; and shall his injustice, his bad feeling, turn me at once aside from the path I have chosen? No; at least, ere I deviate, I will advance far enough to see whither my career tends. As yet I am only pressing in at the entrance—a strait gate enough; it ought to have a good terminus.” While I thus reasoned, Mr. Crimsworth rang a bell; his first clerk, the individual dismissed previously to our conference, re-entered.

I said no more. I didn’t think it was the right time for much discussion. I had a gut feeling that it would be foolish to let my temper flare up often with someone like Edward. I told myself, “I will keep my cup steady under this constant drip; it will fill up on its own—meanwhile, patience. Two things are clear. I can do the work Mr. Crimsworth has assigned to me; I can earn my wages with integrity, and those wages are enough for me to live on. As for my brother acting like a proud, harsh master towards me, that’s his fault, not mine; and will his unfairness and negativity push me away from the path I’ve chosen? No; at least, before I change direction, I’ll go far enough to see where my career is heading. Right now, I’m just getting my foot in the door—it’s a tight fit; it should have a good outcome.” While I was reasoning this way, Mr. Crimsworth rang a bell; his first clerk, the person who had been dismissed before our meeting, came back in.

“Mr. Steighton,” said he, “show Mr. William the letters from Voss, Brothers, and give him English copies of the answers; he will translate them.”

“Mr. Steighton,” he said, “show Mr. William the letters from Voss, Brothers, and give him English copies of the replies; he will translate them.”

Mr. Steighton, a man of about thirty-five, with a face at once sly and heavy, hastened to execute this order; he laid the letters on the desk, and I was soon seated at it, and engaged in rendering the English answers into German. A sentiment of keen pleasure accompanied this first effort to earn my own living—a sentiment neither poisoned nor weakened by the presence of the taskmaster, who stood and watched me for some time as I wrote. I thought he was trying to read my character, but I felt as secure against his scrutiny as if I had had on a casque with the visor down—or rather I showed him my countenance with the confidence that one would show an unlearned man a letter written in Greek; he might see lines, and trace characters, but he could make nothing of them; my nature was not his nature, and its signs were to him like the words of an unknown tongue. Ere long he turned away abruptly, as if baffled, and left the counting-house; he returned to it but twice in the course of that day; each time he mixed and swallowed a glass of brandy-and-water, the materials for making which he extracted from a cupboard on one side of the fireplace; having glanced at my translations—he could read both French and German—he went out again in silence.

Mr. Steighton, a man around thirty-five with a sly yet heavy face, quickly carried out this request; he placed the letters on the desk, and I soon found myself seated there, working on translating the English answers into German. I felt a sharp sense of joy in this first attempt to make my own living—a feeling that wasn’t tainted or lessened by the presence of the taskmaster, who stood nearby and watched me write for a while. I thought he was trying to read my character, but I felt as protected from his scrutiny as if I were wearing a helmet with the visor down—or rather, I showed him my face with the confidence of someone revealing a letter written in Greek to someone who doesn’t understand it; he might see the lines and trace the letters, but he wouldn’t grasp their meaning; my nature was different from his, and its signs were to him like words from a foreign language. Before long, he abruptly turned away, seemingly defeated, and left the office; he came back only twice that day; each time, he mixed and downed a glass of brandy and water, which he got from a cupboard beside the fireplace; after glancing at my translations—he could read both French and German—he left again in silence.

CHAPTER III.

I SERVED Edward as his second clerk faithfully, punctually, diligently. What was given me to do I had the power and the determination to do well. Mr. Crimsworth watched sharply for defects, but found none; he set Timothy Steighton, his favourite and head man, to watch also. Tim was baffled; I was as exact as himself, and quicker. Mr. Crimsworth made inquiries as to how I lived, whether I got into debt—no, my accounts with my landlady were always straight. I had hired small lodgings, which I contrived to pay for out of a slender fund—the accumulated savings of my Eton pocket-money; for as it had ever been abhorrent to my nature to ask pecuniary assistance, I had early acquired habits of self-denying economy; husbanding my monthly allowance with anxious care, in order to obviate the danger of being forced, in some moment of future exigency, to beg additional aid. I remember many called me miser at the time, and I used to couple the reproach with this consolation—better to be misunderstood now than repulsed hereafter. At this day I had my reward; I had had it before, when on parting with my irritated uncles one of them threw down on the table before me a £5 note, which I was able to leave there, saying that my travelling expenses were already provided for. Mr. Crimsworth employed Tim to find out whether my landlady had any complaint to make on the score of my morals; she answered that she believed I was a very religious man, and asked Tim, in her turn, if he thought I had any intention of going into the Church some day; for, she said, she had had young curates to lodge in her house who were nothing equal to me for steadiness and quietness. Tim was “a religious man” himself; indeed, he was “a joined Methodist,” which did not (be it understood) prevent him from being at the same time an engrained rascal, and he came away much posed at hearing this account of my piety. Having imparted it to Mr. Crimsworth, that gentleman, who himself frequented no place of worship, and owned no God but Mammon, turned the information into a weapon of attack against the equability of my temper. He commenced a series of covert sneers, of which I did not at first perceive the drift, till my landlady happened to relate the conversation she had had with Mr. Steighton; this enlightened me; afterwards I came to the counting-house prepared, and managed to receive the millowner’s blasphemous sarcasms, when next levelled at me, on a buckler of impenetrable indifference. Ere long he tired of wasting his ammunition on a statue, but he did not throw away the shafts—he only kept them quiet in his quiver.

I served Edward as his second clerk, being loyal, punctual, and hardworking. Whatever task was assigned to me, I had the skill and determination to do it well. Mr. Crimsworth closely looked for mistakes but found none; he had Timothy Steighton, his favorite and lead guy, watching me too. Tim was confused; I was as precise as he was, and even faster. Mr. Crimsworth asked about my living situation and whether I got into debt—no, my payments to my landlady were always in order. I rented a small place, which I managed to pay for with a limited budget—the savings from my pocket money at Eton; since I've always found it repulsive to ask for financial help, I developed habits of frugal living early on, carefully managing my monthly allowance to avoid the risk of needing to beg for extra support in the future. I recall many people calling me stingy back then, and I would cope with that criticism by reminding myself that it’s better to be misunderstood now than to face rejection later. Today, I reaped the benefits; I had experienced it before when, after parting with my annoyed uncles, one of them threw a £5 note on the table in front of me, which I was able to leave there, saying my travel expenses were already covered. Mr. Crimsworth had Tim find out if my landlady had any complaints about my character; she replied that she believed I was a very religious man and even asked Tim if he thought I planned on becoming a clergyman one day, since she'd had young curates stay with her who were nowhere near as steady and composed as I was. Tim was "a religious man" himself; in fact, he was a "joined Methodist," which didn’t stop him from being a genuine scoundrel, and he left quite puzzled after hearing about my piety. After sharing this with Mr. Crimsworth, who himself didn’t attend any church and worshipped only money, he used this information to attack my calm demeanor. He started a series of subtle jabs, which I didn’t initially pick up on until my landlady recounted her conversation with Mr. Steighton; this made things clear for me. After that, I came to the office ready and managed to respond to the millowner’s blasphemous sarcasm with a shield of complete indifference. It wasn’t long before he grew tired of wasting his insults on someone who wouldn’t react, but he didn’t discard his arrows—he just kept them hidden away for later.

Once during my clerkship I had an invitation to Crimsworth Hall; it was on the occasion of a large party given in honour of the master’s birthday; he had always been accustomed to invite his clerks on similar anniversaries, and could not well pass me over; I was, however, kept strictly in the background. Mrs. Crimsworth, elegantly dressed in satin and lace, blooming in youth and health, vouchsafed me no more notice than was expressed by a distant move; Crimsworth, of course, never spoke to me; I was introduced to none of the band of young ladies, who, enveloped in silvery clouds of white gauze and muslin, sat in array against me on the opposite side of a long and large room; in fact, I was fairly isolated, and could but contemplate the shining ones from afar, and when weary of such a dazzling scene, turn for a change to the consideration of the carpet pattern. Mr. Crimsworth, standing on the rug, his elbow supported by the marble mantelpiece, and about him a group of very pretty girls, with whom he conversed gaily—Mr. Crimsworth, thus placed, glanced at me; I looked weary, solitary, kept down like some desolate tutor or governess; he was satisfied.

Once during my clerkship, I got invited to Crimsworth Hall for a big party celebrating the master's birthday. He always invited his clerks on these occasions and couldn't leave me out; however, I was kept mostly in the background. Mrs. Crimsworth, dressed elegantly in satin and lace, vibrant with youth and health, barely acknowledged me with a distant nod; Crimsworth, of course, didn't speak to me at all. I wasn't introduced to any of the group of young ladies, who, wrapped in silvery clouds of white gauze and muslin, sat arrayed against me on the opposite side of a large room. In fact, I was quite isolated and could only admire the dazzling scene from afar; when I grew tired of it, I’d look to the carpet pattern for a change. Mr. Crimsworth, standing on the rug with his elbow resting on the marble mantelpiece, was surrounded by a group of very pretty girls, chatting cheerfully. He glanced at me once; I must have looked weary and lonely, like some forlorn tutor or governess; he seemed pleased with the sight.

Dancing began; I should have liked well enough to be introduced to some pleasing and intelligent girl, and to have freedom and opportunity to show that I could both feel and communicate the pleasure of social intercourse—that I was not, in short, a block, or a piece of furniture, but an acting, thinking, sentient man. Many smiling faces and graceful figures glided past me, but the smiles were lavished on other eyes, the figures sustained by other hands than mine. I turned away tantalized, left the dancers, and wandered into the oak-panelled dining-room. No fibre of sympathy united me to any living thing in this house; I looked for and found my mother’s picture. I took a wax taper from a stand, and held it up. I gazed long, earnestly; my heart grew to the image. My mother, I perceived, had bequeathed to me much of her features and countenance—her forehead, her eyes, her complexion. No regular beauty pleases egotistical human beings so much as a softened and refined likeness of themselves; for this reason, fathers regard with complacency the lineaments of their daughters’ faces, where frequently their own similitude is found flatteringly associated with softness of hue and delicacy of outline. I was just wondering how that picture, to me so interesting, would strike an impartial spectator, when a voice close behind me pronounced the words—

Dancing started; I would have really liked to be introduced to a nice and intelligent girl, and have the chance to show that I could both feel and express the joy of social interaction—that I wasn't just a wallflower or a piece of furniture, but a living, thinking, feeling man. Many smiling faces and graceful figures danced by me, but the smiles were directed at someone else, and the hands supporting those figures weren't mine. Frustrated, I turned away, left the dancers, and wandered into the oak-paneled dining room. I felt no connection to anything living in this house; I looked for and found my mother's picture. I took a wax candle from a stand and held it up. I stared for a long time, focused; my heart grew attached to the image. I realized my mother had passed down many of her features to me—her forehead, her eyes, her complexion. No ordinary beauty pleases self-centered people as much as a softened and refined version of themselves; that's why fathers often look at their daughters' faces with satisfaction, where they can see their own traits flatteringly mixed with softness and delicacy. I was just thinking about how that picture, so meaningful to me, would resonate with an unbiased observer when a voice right behind me said the words—

“Humph! there’s some sense in that face.”

“Humph! There’s some sense in that expression.”

I turned; at my elbow stood a tall man, young, though probably five or six years older than I—in other respects of an appearance the opposite to common place; though just now, as I am not disposed to paint his portrait in detail, the reader must be content with the silhouette I have just thrown off; it was all I myself saw of him for the moment: I did not investigate the colour of his eyebrows, nor of his eyes either; I saw his stature, and the outline of his shape; I saw, too, his fastidious-looking retroussé nose; these observations, few in number, and general in character (the last excepted), sufficed, for they enabled me to recognize him.

I turned, and next to me stood a tall man, young but probably five or six years older than I was—everything about him was quite unusual; however, since I don’t feel like detailing his appearance right now, the reader will have to make do with the rough outline I just provided. That was all I could see of him at that moment: I didn’t check the color of his eyebrows or his eyes; I noticed his height and the shape of his figure. I also saw his fastidious-looking upturned nose. These observations, though few and mostly general (except for the last one), were enough for me to recognize him.

“Good evening, Mr. Hunsden,” muttered I with a bow, and then, like a shy noodle as I was, I began moving away—and why? Simply because Mr. Hunsden was a manufacturer and a millowner, and I was only a clerk, and my instinct propelled me from my superior. I had frequently seen Hunsden in Bigben Close, where he came almost weekly to transact business with Mr. Crimsworth, but I had never spoken to him, nor he to me, and I owed him a sort of involuntary grudge, because he had more than once been the tacit witness of insults offered by Edward to me. I had the conviction that he could only regard me as a poor-spirited slave, wherefore I now went about to shun his presence and eschew his conversation.

“Good evening, Mr. Hunsden,” I mumbled with a nod, and then, feeling shy as I always did, I started to walk away—and why? Simply because Mr. Hunsden was a manufacturer and a mill owner, and I was just a clerk, and my instinct pushed me away from someone more senior. I had often seen Hunsden in Bigben Close, where he came almost weekly to do business with Mr. Crimsworth, but I had never talked to him, nor he to me, and I felt a kind of unwarranted resentment towards him because he had more than once silently witnessed Edward insulting me. I was convinced he must see me as a timid nobody, which is why I tried to avoid him and steer clear of any conversation with him.

“Where are you going?” asked he, as I edged off sideways. I had already noticed that Mr. Hunsden indulged in abrupt forms of speech, and I perversely said to myself—

“Where are you going?” he asked as I started to move away. I had already noticed that Mr. Hunsden had a tendency to speak very directly, and I stubbornly thought to myself—

“He thinks he may speak as he likes to a poor clerk; but my mood is not, perhaps, so supple as he deems it, and his rough freedom pleases me not at all.”

“He thinks he can talk to a lowly clerk however he wants; but my mood isn't as flexible as he thinks, and I don't appreciate his rude freedom at all.”

I made some slight reply, rather indifferent than courteous, and continued to move away. He coolly planted himself in my path.

I gave a lukewarm response, more indifferent than polite, and kept walking. He calmly stood in my way.

“Stay here awhile,” said he: “it is so hot in the dancing-room; besides, you don’t dance; you have not had a partner to-night.”

“Stay here for a bit,” he said. “It’s really hot in the dance room; plus, you don’t dance; you haven’t had a partner tonight.”

He was right, and as he spoke neither his look, tone, nor manner displeased me; my amour-propre was propitiated; he had not addressed me out of condescension, but because, having repaired to the cool dining-room for refreshment, he now wanted some one to talk to, by way of temporary amusement. I hate to be condescended to, but I like well enough to oblige; I stayed.

He was right, and as he spoke, neither his look, tone, nor manner bothered me; my amour-propre was pleased; he hadn’t talked down to me, but because, having gone to the cool dining room for a break, he wanted someone to chat with for some light entertainment. I hate being talked down to, but I’m more than happy to help; so I stayed.

“That is a good picture,” he continued, recurring to the portrait.

"That's a nice picture," he said, referring back to the portrait.

“Do you consider the face pretty?” I asked.

“Do you think the face is pretty?” I asked.

“Pretty! no—how can it be pretty, with sunk eyes and hollow cheeks? but it is peculiar; it seems to think. You could have a talk with that woman, if she were alive, on other subjects than dress, visiting, and compliments.”

“Pretty! No—how can it be pretty, with sunken eyes and hollow cheeks? But it is unusual; it seems to have thoughts. You could have a conversation with that woman, if she were alive, about topics other than fashion, social calls, and flattery.”

I agreed with him, but did not say so. He went on.

I agreed with him, but I didn't say it out loud. He continued.

“Not that I admire a head of that sort; it wants character and force; there’s too much of the sen-si-tive (so he articulated it, curling his lip at the same time) in that mouth; besides, there is Aristocrat written on the brow and defined in the figure; I hate your aristocrats.”

“Not that I admire a head like that; it lacks character and strength; there’s too much of the sensitive (he said it that way, curling his lip at the same time) in that mouth; besides, the word Aristocrat is written on the brow and shown in the figure; I hate your aristocrats.”

“You think, then, Mr. Hunsden, that patrician descent may be read in a distinctive cast of form and features?”

“You think, then, Mr. Hunsden, that noble heritage can be seen in a unique shape of form and features?”

“Patrician descent be hanged! Who doubts that your lordlings may have their ‘distinctive cast of form and features’ as much as we ——shire tradesmen have ours? But which is the best? Not theirs assuredly. As to their women, it is a little different: they cultivate beauty from childhood upwards, and may by care and training attain to a certain degree of excellence in that point, just like the oriental odalisques. Yet even this superiority is doubtful. Compare the figure in that frame with Mrs. Edward Crimsworth—which is the finer animal?”

“Who cares about noble lineage? Does anyone really believe that your lords have their own ‘unique looks and features’ just like we tradesmen in ——shire? But which is better? Definitely not theirs. Their women are a different story: they work on being beautiful from a young age and, with effort and training, can reach a certain level of excellence, similar to the oriental odalisques. But even that superiority is questionable. Compare the figure in that frame with Mrs. Edward Crimsworth—who's the more attractive?”

I replied quietly: “Compare yourself and Mr. Edward Crimsworth, Mr Hunsden.”

I replied quietly, "Compare yourself to Mr. Edward Crimsworth, Mr. Hunsden."

“Oh, Crimsworth is better filled up than I am, I know besides he has a straight nose, arched eyebrows, and all that; but these advantages—if they are advantages—he did not inherit from his mother, the patrician, but from his father, old Crimsworth, who, my father says, was as veritable a ——shire blue-dyer as ever put indigo in a vat yet withal the handsomest man in the three Ridings. It is you, William, who are the aristocrat of your family, and you are not as fine a fellow as your plebeian brother by long chalk.”

“Oh, Crimsworth is better looking than I am, I know. He has a straight nose, arched eyebrows, and all that; but if those are advantages, he didn't get them from his mother, the highborn lady, but from his father, old Crimsworth, who, my father says, was as legitimate a ——shire blue-dyer as ever put indigo in a vat, yet still the most handsome man in the three Ridings. It's you, William, who are the aristocrat of your family, and you're not as good looking as your working-class brother by a long shot.”

There was something in Mr. Hunsden’s point-blank mode of speech which rather pleased me than otherwise because it set me at my ease. I continued the conversation with a degree of interest.

There was something about Mr. Hunsden’s straightforward way of speaking that I found more pleasing than not because it made me feel more comfortable. I carried on the conversation with a fair amount of interest.

“How do you happen to know that I am Mr. Crimsworth’s brother? I thought you and everybody else looked upon me only in the light of a poor clerk.”

“How do you know I’m Mr. Crimsworth’s brother? I thought you and everyone else saw me just as a poor clerk.”

“Well, and so we do; and what are you but a poor clerk? You do Crimsworth’s work, and he gives you wages—shabby wages they are, too.”

“Well, that's true; and what are you except a struggling clerk? You handle Crimsworth’s tasks, and he pays you—hardly enough, either.”

I was silent. Hunsden’s language now bordered on the impertinent, still his manner did not offend me in the least—it only piqued my curiosity; I wanted him to go on, which he did in a little while.

I stayed quiet. Hunsden’s words were now almost disrespectful, but his attitude didn’t bother me at all—it just made me more curious; I wanted him to keep talking, and eventually, he did.

“This world is an absurd one,” said he.

“This world is ridiculous,” he said.

“Why so, Mr. Hunsden?”

"Why's that, Mr. Hunsden?"

“I wonder you should ask: you are yourself a strong proof of the absurdity I allude to.”

"I wonder why you'd ask that; you're a perfect example of the absurdity I'm talking about."

I was determined he should explain himself of his own accord, without my pressing him so to do—so I resumed my silence.

I was determined that he should explain himself willingly, without me pushing him to do it—so I stayed quiet.

“Is it your intention to become a tradesman?” he inquired presently.

“Are you planning to become a tradesman?” he asked after a moment.

“It was my serious intention three months ago.”

“It was my serious intention three months ago.”

“Humph! the more fool you—you look like a tradesman! What a practical business-like face you have!”

“Humph! What a fool you are—you look like a shopkeeper! What a down-to-earth, business-like face you have!”

“My face is as the Lord made it, Mr. Hunsden.”

"My face is exactly how the Lord made it, Mr. Hunsden."

“The Lord never made either your face or head for X—— What good can your bumps of ideality, comparison, self-esteem, conscientiousness, do you here? But if you like Bigben Close, stay there; it’s your own affair, not mine.”

“The Lord never made your face or head for X—— What good are your bumps of ideality, comparison, self-esteem, and conscientiousness here? But if you like Bigben Close, stay there; it’s your choice, not mine.”

“Perhaps I have no choice.”

"Maybe I have no choice."

“Well, I care nought about it—it will make little difference to me what you do or where you go; but I’m cool now—I want to dance again; and I see such a fine girl sitting in the corner of the sofa there by her mamma; see if I don’t get her for a partner in a jiffy! There’s Waddy—Sam Waddy making up to her; won’t I cut him out?”

“Well, I don’t care about it—what you do or where you go won’t affect me much; but I’m feeling good now—I want to dance again; and I see a really nice girl sitting over there on the sofa with her mom; just watch me get her as my partner in no time! There’s Waddy—Sam Waddy hitting on her; I’m going to steal her away from him!”

And Mr. Hunsden strode away. I watched him through the open folding-doors; he outstripped Waddy, applied for the hand of the fine girl, and led her off triumphant. She was a tall, well-made, full-formed, dashingly-dressed young woman, much in the style of Mrs. E. Crimsworth; Hunsden whirled her through the waltz with spirit; he kept at her side during the remainder of the evening, and I read in her animated and gratified countenance that he succeeded in making himself perfectly agreeable. The mamma too (a stout person in a turban—Mrs. Lupton by name) looked well pleased; prophetic visions probably flattered her inward eye. The Hunsdens were of an old stem; and scornful as Yorke (such was my late interlocutor’s name) professed to be of the advantages of birth, in his secret heart he well knew and fully appreciated the distinction his ancient, if not high lineage conferred on him in a mushroom-place like X——, concerning whose inhabitants it was proverbially said, that not one in a thousand knew his own grandfather. Moreover the Hunsdens, once rich, were still independent; and report affirmed that Yorke bade fair, by his success in business, to restore to pristine prosperity the partially decayed fortunes of his house. These circumstances considered, Mrs. Lupton’s broad face might well wear a smile of complacency as she contemplated the heir of Hunsden Wood occupied in paying assiduous court to her darling Sarah Martha. I, however, whose observations being less anxious, were likely to be more accurate, soon saw that the grounds for maternal self-congratulation were slight indeed; the gentleman appeared to me much more desirous of making, than susceptible of receiving an impression. I know not what it was in Mr. Hunsden that, as I watched him (I had nothing better to do), suggested to me, every now and then, the idea of a foreigner. In form and features he might be pronounced English, though even there one caught a dash of something Gallic; but he had no English shyness: he had learnt somewhere, somehow, the art of setting himself quite at his ease, and of allowing no insular timidity to intervene as a barrier between him and his convenience or pleasure. Refinement he did not affect, yet vulgar he could not be called; he was not odd—no quiz—yet he resembled no one else I had ever seen before; his general bearing intimated complete, sovereign satisfaction with himself; yet, at times, an indescribable shade passed like an eclipse over his countenance, and seemed to me like the sign of a sudden and strong inward doubt of himself, his words and actions an energetic discontent at his life or his social position, his future prospects or his mental attainments—I know not which; perhaps after all it might only be a bilious caprice.

And Mr. Hunsden walked away. I watched him through the open folding doors; he outpaced Waddy, asked for the hand of the beautiful girl, and led her off triumphantly. She was a tall, well-built, curvy, stylishly dressed young woman, very much like Mrs. E. Crimsworth. Hunsden spun her around in the waltz with enthusiasm; he stayed by her side for the rest of the evening, and I could see from her animated and pleased expression that he was doing a great job of being charming. Her mother too (a chubby woman in a turban—Mrs. Lupton, to be specific) looked quite happy; her mind was probably filled with hopeful visions. The Hunsdens came from an old family; and though Yorke (that was my recent conversation partner’s name) claimed to dismiss the advantages of having a good background, deep down he knew and appreciated the status that his old, if not high, lineage gave him in a place like X——, where it was proverbially said that not one in a thousand could name their grandfather. Moreover, the Hunsdens, once wealthy, still maintained their independence; and rumors said that Yorke was likely to revive the once-great fortunes of his family through his success in business. Considering all this, Mrs. Lupton had every reason to smile with satisfaction as she watched the heir of Hunsden Wood paying attentive court to her beloved Sarah Martha. However, I, whose observations were less concerned, and likely more accurate, soon realized that the reasons for the mother’s self-satisfaction were pretty minimal; the gentleman seemed much more interested in making an impression than in being impressed. I don’t know what it was about Mr. Hunsden that, as I observed him (I had nothing better to do), occasionally made me think he was foreign. In shape and features, he could be called English, though there was a hint of something French; but he had none of the English awkwardness: he had somehow learned the art of being completely at ease, not allowing any insular shyness to stand in the way of his comfort or enjoyment. He didn’t attempt to be refined, yet he couldn’t be labeled as vulgar; he wasn’t peculiar—definitely not a joke—yet he didn’t resemble anyone else I had ever met before; his general demeanor conveyed a complete, confident satisfaction with himself; yet, at times, an indescribable shadow passed over his face, like an eclipse, indicating a sudden and intense self-doubt, a vigorous discontent with his life or social standing, his future prospects or his mental abilities—I don’t know which; perhaps, after all, it could just be a fleeting annoyance.

CHAPTER IV.

No man likes to acknowledge that he has made a mistake in the choice of his profession, and every man, worthy of the name, will row long against wind and tide before he allows himself to cry out, “I am baffled!” and submits to be floated passively back to land. From the first week of my residence in X—— I felt my occupation irksome. The thing itself—the work of copying and translating business-letters—was a dry and tedious task enough, but had that been all, I should long have borne with the nuisance; I am not of an impatient nature, and influenced by the double desire of getting my living and justifying to myself and others the resolution I had taken to become a tradesman, I should have endured in silence the rust and cramp of my best faculties; I should not have whispered, even inwardly, that I longed for liberty; I should have pent in every sigh by which my heart might have ventured to intimate its distress under the closeness, smoke, monotony and joyless tumult of Bigben Close, and its panting desire for freer and fresher scenes; I should have set up the image of Duty, the fetish of Perseverance, in my small bedroom at Mrs. King’s lodgings, and they two should have been my household gods, from which my darling, my cherished-in-secret, Imagination, the tender and the mighty, should never, either by softness or strength, have severed me. But this was not all; the antipathy which had sprung up between myself and my employer striking deeper root and spreading denser shade daily, excluded me from every glimpse of the sunshine of life; and I began to feel like a plant growing in humid darkness out of the slimy walls of a well.

No one wants to admit they’ve made a mistake in choosing their career, and any man worth his salt will fight against all odds before he finally gives in and says, “I’m defeated!” and resigns himself to just drifting back to safety. From the very first week I lived in X——, I found my job tedious. The actual work—copying and translating business letters—was dry and boring enough, but if that had been the only issue, I could have dealt with it. I’m not an impatient person, and motivated by the need to earn a living and justify my choice to become a tradesman, I would have silently endured the dullness and restriction of my best abilities; I wouldn’t have even dared to think about how much I craved freedom; I would’ve bottled up every sigh my heart wanted to express about its suffering in the suffocating, smoky, monotonous, and joyless noise of Bigben Close, yearning for more open and fresh experiences; I would have honored Duty and Perseverance as my guiding principles in my small room at Mrs. King’s place, making them my personal deities, while my beloved, secretly cherished Imagination, the gentle yet powerful force, would never have torn me away from them. But that wasn’t all; the growing aversion between me and my boss took deeper roots and cast a heavier shadow each day, shutting me off from any glimpse of life’s sunshine; I started to feel like a plant struggling to survive in the damp darkness, growing out of the slimy walls of a well.

Antipathy is the only word which can express the feeling Edward Crimsworth had for me—a feeling, in a great measure, involuntary, and which was liable to be excited by every, the most trifling movement, look, or word of mine. My southern accent annoyed him; the degree of education evinced in my language irritated him; my punctuality, industry, and accuracy, fixed his dislike, and gave it the high flavour and poignant relish of envy; he feared that I too should one day make a successful tradesman. Had I been in anything inferior to him, he would not have hated me so thoroughly, but I knew all that he knew, and, what was worse, he suspected that I kept the padlock of silence on mental wealth in which he was no sharer. If he could have once placed me in a ridiculous or mortifying position, he would have forgiven me much, but I was guarded by three faculties—Caution, Tact, Observation; and prowling and prying as was Edward’s malignity, it could never baffle the lynx-eyes of these, my natural sentinels. Day by day did his malice watch my tact, hoping it would sleep, and prepared to steal snake-like on its slumber; but tact, if it be genuine, never sleeps.

Antipathy is the only word that can describe how Edward Crimsworth felt about me—a feeling that was, to a large extent, involuntary and could be triggered by even the tiniest movement, glance, or word from me. My southern accent irritated him; the level of education reflected in my speech annoyed him; my punctuality, hard work, and attention to detail deepened his dislike, adding a strong flavor of envy to it; he feared I might also become a successful tradesman one day. If I had been inferior to him in any way, he wouldn't have hated me so completely, but I was just as knowledgeable as he was, and worse, he suspected that I kept the secrets of my mental riches to myself, which he couldn't access. If he could have managed to put me in a silly or embarrassing situation, he would have forgiven me a lot, but I was protected by three qualities—Caution, Tact, and Observation; and despite Edward’s persistent malice, he could never outsmart the keen eyes of my natural guards. Every day, his malice observed my tact, hoping it would falter, ready to strike like a snake when it did; but true tact never sleeps.

I had received my first quarter’s wages, and was returning to my lodgings, possessed heart and soul with the pleasant feeling that the master who had paid me grudged every penny of that hard-earned pittance—(I had long ceased to regard Mr. Crimsworth as my brother—he was a hard, grinding master; he wished to be an inexorable tyrant: that was all). Thoughts, not varied but strong, occupied my mind; two voices spoke within me; again and again they uttered the same monotonous phrases. One said: “William, your life is intolerable.” The other: “What can you do to alter it?” I walked fast, for it was a cold, frosty night in January; as I approached my lodgings, I turned from a general view of my affairs to the particular speculation as to whether my fire would be out; looking towards the window of my sitting-room, I saw no cheering red gleam.

I had just received my first paycheck and was heading back to my place, feeling a mix of satisfaction and resentment, knowing that my boss, who paid me, was reluctant to part with any of that hard-earned cash—(I had long stopped thinking of Mr. Crimsworth as my brother—he was a harsh, demanding boss; he wanted to be an unyielding tyrant, and that was it). Strong, unchanging thoughts filled my mind; two voices argued inside me, repeating the same dull phrases. One said: “William, your life is unbearable.” The other replied: “What can you do to change it?” I walked quickly since it was a cold, frosty night in January; as I got closer to my place, I shifted from thinking about my overall situation to worrying about whether my fire would be out; looking toward the window of my living room, I saw no comforting red glow.

“That slut of a servant has neglected it as usual,” said I, “and I shall see nothing but pale ashes if I go in; it is a fine starlight night—I will walk a little farther.”

“That lazy servant has messed up as usual,” I said, “and if I go in, I’ll just see pale ashes; it’s a beautiful starlit night—I’ll walk a bit further.”

It was a fine night, and the streets were dry and even clean for X——; there was a crescent curve of moonlight to be seen by the parish church tower, and hundreds of stars shone keenly bright in all quarters of the sky.

It was a beautiful night, and the streets were dry and even clean for X——; there was a crescent curve of moonlight visible near the parish church tower, and hundreds of stars shone brightly in every part of the sky.

Unconsciously I steered my course towards the country; I had got into Grove Street, and began to feel the pleasure of seeing dim trees at the extremity, round a suburban house, when a person leaning over the iron gate of one of the small gardens which front the neat dwelling-houses in this street, addressed me as I was hurrying with quick stride past.

Unknowingly, I made my way toward the countryside; I had reached Grove Street and started to enjoy the sight of faint trees at the end, surrounding a suburban house. As I hurried by with quick steps, someone leaning over the iron gate of one of the small gardens in front of the tidy homes on this street called out to me.

“What the deuce is the hurry? Just so must Lot have left Sodom, when he expected fire to pour down upon it, out of burning brass clouds.”

“What the heck is the rush? That’s probably how Lot left Sodom, when he expected fire to rain down on it from burning metal clouds.”

I stopped short, and looked towards the speaker. I smelt the fragrance, and saw the red spark of a cigar; the dusk outline of a man, too, bent towards me over the wicket.

I stopped suddenly and looked at the person speaking. I caught a whiff of the scent and saw the red glow of a cigar; I also noticed the dark silhouette of a man leaning toward me over the gate.

“You see I am meditating in the field at eventide,” continued this shade. “God knows it’s cool work! especially as instead of Rebecca on a camel’s hump, with bracelets on her arms and a ring in her nose, Fate sends me only a counting-house clerk, in a grey tweed wrapper.” The voice was familiar to me—its second utterance enabled me to seize the speaker’s identity.

“You see I’m meditating in the field at dusk,” continued this figure. “God knows it’s tough work! Especially since instead of Rebecca on a camel’s hump, with bracelets on her arms and a ring in her nose, Fate sends me only a counting-house clerk, in a gray tweed coat.” The voice was familiar to me—its second utterance allowed me to recognize who was speaking.

“Mr. Hunsden! good evening.”

“Mr. Hunsden! Good evening.”

“Good evening, indeed! yes, but you would have passed me without recognition if I had not been so civil as to speak first.”

“Good evening, indeed! Yes, you would have walked right by me without recognizing me if I hadn't been polite enough to say something first.”

“I did not know you.”

"I didn't know you."

“A famous excuse! You ought to have known me; I knew you, though you were going ahead like a steam-engine. Are the police after you?”

“A classic excuse! You should have known me; I recognized you, even though you were charging ahead like a steam engine. Are the cops on your tail?”

“It wouldn’t be worth their while; I’m not of consequence enough to attract them.”

“It wouldn’t be worth their time; I’m not important enough to catch their attention.”

“Alas, poor shepherd! Alack and well-a-day! What a theme for regret, and how down in the mouth you must be, judging from the sound of your voice! But since you’re not running from the police, from whom are you running? the devil?”

“Poor shepherd! What a reason for regret, and you sound so down! But since you're not on the run from the police, who are you running from? The devil?”

“On the contrary, I am going post to him.”

“On the contrary, I am going to post to him.”

“That is well—you’re just in luck: this is Tuesday evening; there are scores of market gigs and carts returning to Dinneford to-night; and he, or some of his, have a seat in all regularly; so, if you’ll step in and sit half-an-hour in my bachelor’s parlour, you may catch him as he passes without much trouble. I think though you’d better let him alone to-night, he’ll have so many customers to serve; Tuesday is his busy day in X—— and Dinneford; come in at all events.”

"That works out perfectly—you’re in luck: it’s Tuesday evening; there are plenty of market vendors and carts heading back to Dinneford tonight; and he, or someone from his team, always has a spot on those. So, if you want to come in and hang out for half an hour in my bachelor pad, you might catch him as he goes by without too much hassle. However, I think it’s better if you leave him alone tonight since he’ll be really busy serving customers; Tuesday is his hectic day in X—— and Dinneford. But come in anyway."

He swung the wicket open as he spoke.

He swung the gate open as he spoke.

“Do you really wish me to go in?” I asked.

"Do you actually want me to go in?" I asked.

“As you please—I’m alone; your company for an hour or two would be agreeable to me; but, if you don’t choose to favour me so far, I’ll not press the point. I hate to bore any one.”

“As you wish—I’m by myself; having you around for an hour or two would be nice for me; but if you don't want to keep me company, I won't push the issue. I really dislike being a bore to anyone.”

It suited me to accept the invitation as it suited Hunsden to give it. I passed through the gate, and followed him to the front door, which he opened; thence we traversed a passage, and entered his parlour; the door being shut, he pointed me to an arm-chair by the hearth; I sat down, and glanced round me.

It worked for me to accept the invitation just as it worked for Hunsden to extend it. I went through the gate and followed him to the front door, which he opened. We then walked down a hallway and entered his living room; once the door was closed, he gestured for me to take a chair by the fireplace. I sat down and looked around.

It was a comfortable room, at once snug and handsome; the bright grate was filled with a genuine ——shire fire, red, clear, and generous, no penurious South-of-England embers heaped in the corner of a grate. On the table a shaded lamp diffused around a soft, pleasant, and equal light; the furniture was almost luxurious for a young bachelor, comprising a couch and two very easy chairs; bookshelves filled the recesses on each side of the mantelpiece; they were well-furnished, and arranged with perfect order. The neatness of the room suited my taste; I hate irregular and slovenly habits. From what I saw I concluded that Hunsden’s ideas on that point corresponded with my own. While he removed from the centre-table to the side-board a few pamphlets and periodicals, I ran my eye along the shelves of the book-case nearest me. French and German works predominated, the old French dramatists, sundry modern authors, Thiers, Villemain, Paul de Kock, George Sand, Eugene Sue; in German—Goëthe, Schiller, Zschokke, Jean Paul Richter; in English there were works on Political Economy. I examined no further, for Mr. Hunsden himself recalled my attention.

It was a cozy room, both inviting and stylish; the bright fireplace was filled with a real ——shire fire, red, clear, and generous, not just some cheap South-of-England embers piled in the corner. A shaded lamp on the table spread a soft, pleasant, and even light around the space; the furniture was nearly luxurious for a young bachelor, with a couch and two very comfortable chairs. Bookshelves filled the recesses on either side of the mantelpiece; they were well-stocked and arranged meticulously. The tidiness of the room fit my taste; I really dislike messy and careless habits. From what I observed, it seemed that Hunsden shared my views on that matter. While he moved a few pamphlets and magazines from the center table to the sideboard, I glanced at the shelves of the bookcase closest to me. French and German works were in the majority, featuring the old French dramatists, various modern authors, Thiers, Villemain, Paul de Kock, George Sand, Eugene Sue; in German—Goethe, Schiller, Zschokke, Jean Paul Richter; in English, there were books on Political Economy. I didn’t look further, as Mr. Hunsden drew my attention again.

“You shall have something,” said he, “for you ought to feel disposed for refreshment after walking nobody knows how far on such a Canadian night as this; but it shall not be brandy-and-water, and it shall not be a bottle of port, nor ditto of sherry. I keep no such poison. I have Rhein-wein for my own drinking, and you may choose between that and coffee.”

“You should have something,” he said, “because you must be in the mood for a drink after walking who knows how far on a night like this in Canada; but it can’t be brandy and water, and it definitely won’t be a bottle of port or sherry. I don’t keep any of that stuff. I have Rhine wine for myself, and you can choose between that or coffee.”

Here again Hunsden suited me: if there was one generally received practice I abhorred more than another, it was the habitual imbibing of spirits and strong wines. I had, however, no fancy for his acid German nectar, but I liked coffee, so I responded—

Here again Hunsden worked for me: if there was one commonly accepted habit I hated more than anything else, it was the regular drinking of alcohol and strong wines. I didn’t care for his bitter German drink, but I liked coffee, so I replied—

“Give me some coffee, Mr. Hunsden.”

“Make me some coffee, Mr. Hunsden.”

I perceived my answer pleased him; he had doubtless expected to see a chilling effect produced by his steady announcement that he would give me neither wine nor spirits; he just shot one searching glance at my face to ascertain whether my cordiality was genuine or a mere feint of politeness. I smiled, because I quite understood him; and, while I honoured his conscientious firmness, I was amused at his mistrust; he seemed satisfied, rang the bell, and ordered coffee, which was presently brought; for himself, a bunch of grapes and half a pint of something sour sufficed. My coffee was excellent; I told him so, and expressed the shuddering pity with which his anchorite fare inspired me. He did not answer, and I scarcely think heard my remark. At that moment one of those momentary eclipses I before alluded to had come over his face, extinguishing his smile, and replacing, by an abstracted and alienated look, the customarily shrewd, bantering glance of his eye. I employed the interval of silence in a rapid scrutiny of his physiognomy. I had never observed him closely before; and, as my sight is very short, I had gathered only a vague, general idea of his appearance; I was surprised now, on examination, to perceive how small, and even feminine, were his lineaments; his tall figure, long and dark locks, his voice and general bearing, had impressed me with the notion of something powerful and massive; not at all:—my own features were cast in a harsher and squarer mould than his. I discerned that there would be contrasts between his inward and outward man; contentions, too; for I suspected his soul had more of will and ambition than his body had of fibre and muscle. Perhaps, in these incompatibilities of the “physique” with the “morale,” lay the secret of that fitful gloom; he would but could not, and the athletic mind scowled scorn on its more fragile companion. As to his good looks, I should have liked to have a woman’s opinion on that subject; it seemed to me that his face might produce the same effect on a lady that a very piquant and interesting, though scarcely pretty, female face would on a man. I have mentioned his dark locks—they were brushed sideways above a white and sufficiently expansive forehead; his cheek had a rather hectic freshness; his features might have done well on canvas, but indifferently in marble: they were plastic; character had set a stamp upon each; expression re-cast them at her pleasure, and strange metamorphoses she wrought, giving him now the mien of a morose bull, and anon that of an arch and mischievous girl; more frequently, the two semblances were blent, and a queer, composite countenance they made.

I could tell my answer pleased him; he probably expected his firm declaration that he wouldn’t give me any wine or spirits to have a chilling effect. He shot a quick, probing glance at my face to see if my friendliness was real or just a polite act. I smiled because I totally understood him. While I respected his strong principles, I found his suspicion amusing. He seemed satisfied, rang the bell, and ordered coffee, which was promptly served; for himself, a bunch of grapes and half a pint of something sour were enough. My coffee was excellent; I told him so and expressed my pity for his ascetic diet. He didn’t respond, and I don’t think he even heard me. At that moment, one of those brief eclipses I mentioned earlier crossed his face, wiping away his smile and replacing it with a distant and detached look instead of his usual sharp, teasing gaze. I used the silence to quickly examine his face. I had never looked at him closely before, and since my vision is quite poor, I had only formed a vague impression of his appearance. I was surprised to notice how small and even delicate his features were; his tall frame, long dark hair, voice, and overall demeanor had led me to perceive him as powerful and solid, but that wasn’t the case—my own features were molded in a harsher and squarer shape than his. I recognized that there were differences between his inner self and outer appearance; there were conflicts too, because I suspected his soul held more will and ambition than his body had strength and muscle. Perhaps these contradictions between the “physical” and the “moral” explained his sporadic gloom; he might want to change, but couldn’t, and his robust mind looked down scornfully on its more fragile counterpart. As for his attractiveness, I would have liked a woman's opinion on that; it seemed to me that his face could have the same effect on a lady that a very intriguing yet not particularly beautiful woman’s face might have on a man. I mentioned his dark hair—it was styled sideways above a white and quite broad forehead; his cheeks had a bit of a lively flush; his features might have looked good on canvas, but were only okay in marble: they were malleable; character had left its mark on each; expression reshaped them at will, creating strange transformations, giving him at times the look of a gloomy bull, and at other times that of a playful and mischievous girl; more often, the two expressions merged, resulting in a strange, composite face.

Starting from his silent fit, he began:—

Starting from his silent outburst, he began:—

“William! what a fool you are to live in those dismal lodgings of Mrs. King’s, when you might take rooms here in Grove Street, and have a garden like me!”

“William! What a fool you are to live in that gloomy place at Mrs. King’s, when you could have a room here on Grove Street and enjoy a garden like mine!”

“I should be too far from the mill.”

“I should be way too far from the mill.”

“What of that? It would do you good to walk there and back two or three times a day; besides, are you such a fossil that you never wish to see a flower or a green leaf?”

“What about that? It would be good for you to walk there and back two or three times a day; besides, are you really so out of touch that you never want to see a flower or a green leaf?”

“I am no fossil.”

“I’m no fossil.”

“What are you then? You sit at that desk in Crimsworth’s counting-house day by day and week by week, scraping with a pen on paper, just like an automaton; you never get up; you never say you are tired; you never ask for a holiday; you never take change or relaxation; you give way to no excess of an evening; you neither keep wild company, nor indulge in strong drink.”

“What are you then? You sit at that desk in Crimsworth’s office day after day and week after week, writing with a pen on paper, just like a robot; you never get up; you never say you’re tired; you never ask for a day off; you never take breaks or time to relax; you don’t go wild at night; you don’t hang out with rowdy people, nor do you drink heavily.”

“Do you, Mr. Hunsden?”

"Do you, Mr. Hunsden?"

“Don’t think to pose me with short questions; your case and mine are diametrically different, and it is nonsense attempting to draw a parallel. I say, that when a man endures patiently what ought to be unendurable, he is a fossil.”

“Don’t think you can hit me with simple questions; your situation and mine are completely different, and it’s pointless to try to compare them. I say that when a person endures something they shouldn’t have to, they become stuck in the past.”

“Whence do you acquire the knowledge of my patience?”

“Where did you gain knowledge of my patience?”

“Why, man, do you suppose you are a mystery? The other night you seemed surprised at my knowing to what family you belonged; now you find subject for wonderment in my calling you patient. What do you think I do with my eyes and ears? I’ve been in your counting-house more than once when Crimsworth has treated you like a dog; called for a book, for instance, and when you gave him the wrong one, or what he chose to consider the wrong one, flung it back almost in your face; desired you to shut or open the door as if you had been his flunkey; to say nothing of your position at the party about a month ago, where you had neither place nor partner, but hovered about like a poor, shabby hanger-on; and how patient you were under each and all of these circumstances!”

“Why do you think you’re a mystery? The other night you seemed surprised that I knew what family you came from; now you’re amazed that I called you patient. What do you think I do with my eyes and ears? I’ve been in your office more than once when Crimsworth treated you poorly; for example, he asked for a book, and when you gave him the wrong one, or the one he decided was wrong, he threw it back at you. He told you to open or close the door as if you were his servant; not to mention your situation at the party about a month ago, where you had no place or partner, just hanging around like a neglected extra; and you were so patient through all of it!”

“Well, Mr. Hunsden, what then?”

“Well, Mr. Hunsden, what’s next?”

“I can hardly tell you what then; the conclusion to be drawn as to your character depends upon the nature of the motives which guide your conduct; if you are patient because you expect to make something eventually out of Crimsworth, notwithstanding his tyranny, or perhaps by means of it, you are what the world calls an interested and mercenary, but may be a very wise fellow; if you are patient because you think it a duty to meet insult with submission, you are an essential sap, and in no shape the man for my money; if you are patient because your nature is phlegmatic, flat, inexcitable, and that you cannot get up to the pitch of resistance, why, God made you to be crushed; and lie down by all means, and lie flat, and let Juggernaut ride well over you.”

“I can hardly explain this; the conclusion about your character depends on what motivates your actions. If you’re patient because you think you can eventually gain something from Crimsworth despite his harshness, or maybe because of it, then people might call you selfish and greedy, but you could still be quite smart. If you’re patient because you believe it’s your duty to respond to insults with submission, then you’re a total fool, and definitely not the kind of person I’m interested in. If you’re patient because you’re naturally calm, unexcitable, and just can’t muster the energy to resist, well, then God made you to be crushed; so go ahead, lie down, and let Juggernaut roll right over you.”

Mr. Hunsden’s eloquence was not, it will be perceived, of the smooth and oily order. As he spoke, he pleased me ill. I seem to recognize in him one of those characters who, sensitive enough themselves, are selfishly relentless towards the sensitiveness of others. Moreover, though he was neither like Crimsworth nor Lord Tynedale, yet he was acrid, and, I suspected, overbearing in his way: there was a tone of despotism in the urgency of the very reproaches by which he aimed at goading the oppressed into rebellion against the oppressor. Looking at him still more fixedly than I had yet done, I saw written in his eye and mien a resolution to arrogate to himself a freedom so unlimited that it might often trench on the just liberty of his neighbours. I rapidly ran over these thoughts, and then I laughed a low and involuntary laugh, moved thereto by a slight inward revelation of the inconsistency of man. It was as I thought: Hunsden had expected me to take with calm his incorrect and offensive surmises, his bitter and haughty taunts; and himself was chafed by a laugh, scarce louder than a whisper.

Mr. Hunsden’s way of speaking wasn’t smooth or slick, as you might expect. While he talked, I found him unpleasant. I recognized in him one of those people who, though they are sensitive themselves, are selfishly harsh towards the sensitivities of others. Also, although he wasn’t like Crimsworth or Lord Tynedale, he had a sharpness to him, and I suspected he could be domineering: there was a tone of tyranny in the way he pushed the oppressed to rise up against their oppressors. As I looked at him more intently than before, I could see in his eyes and demeanor a determination to claim a freedom so absolute that it often infringed on the rightful freedoms of those around him. I quickly considered these thoughts and then let out a low, involuntary laugh, prompted by a brief realization of human inconsistency. As I thought, Hunsden expected me to calmly accept his incorrect and offensive assumptions, his bitter and arrogant jabs; yet he himself was irritated by a laugh that was barely louder than a whisper.

His brow darkened, his thin nostril dilated a little.

His brow frowned, and his thin nostrils flared slightly.

“Yes,” he began, “I told you that you were an aristocrat, and who but an aristocrat would laugh such a laugh as that, and look such a look? A laugh frigidly jeering; a look lazily mutinous; gentlemanlike irony, patrician resentment. What a nobleman you would have made, William Crimsworth! You are cut out for one; pity Fortune has baulked Nature! Look at the features, figure, even to the hands—distinction all over—ugly distinction! Now, if you’d only an estate and a mansion, and a park, and a title, how you could play the exclusive, maintain the rights of your class, train your tenantry in habits of respect to the peerage, oppose at every step the advancing power of the people, support your rotten order, and be ready for its sake to wade knee-deep in churls’ blood; as it is, you’ve no power; you can do nothing; you’re wrecked and stranded on the shores of commerce; forced into collision with practical men, with whom you cannot cope, for you’ll never be a tradesman.”

“Yes,” he began, “I told you that you were an aristocrat, and who but an aristocrat would laugh like that and give such a look? A laugh that’s coldly mocking; a look that’s lazily rebellious; gentlemanly sarcasm, upper-class irritation. What a nobleman you would have been, William Crimsworth! You’re made for it; too bad Fortune has let down Nature! Look at your features, your figure, even your hands—there’s a certain distinction about you—an ugly sort of distinction! Now, if you only had an estate and a mansion, and a park, and a title, you could really embrace your exclusivity, uphold the rights of your class, teach your tenants to respect the aristocracy, resist at every turn the rising power of the people, support your decaying order, and be ready to wade knee-deep in commoners’ blood for its sake; as it is, you have no influence; you can’t do anything; you’re wrecked and stuck on the shores of commerce, forced to clash with practical people you can’t compete with, because you’ll never be a tradesman.”

The first part of Hunsden’s speech moved me not at all, or, if it did, it was only to wonder at the perversion into which prejudice had twisted his judgment of my character; the concluding sentence, however, not only moved, but shook me; the blow it gave was a severe one, because Truth wielded the weapon. If I smiled now, it, was only in disdain of myself.

The first part of Hunsden’s speech didn’t affect me at all, or if it did, it only made me question how much prejudice had warped his view of my character; however, the final sentence not only affected me but really shook me up; the impact was hard because Truth was the force behind it. If I smiled now, it was only out of contempt for myself.

Hunsden saw his advantage; he followed it up.

Hunsden saw his chance; he took it.

“You’ll make nothing by trade,” continued he; “nothing more than the crust of dry bread and the draught of fair water on which you now live; your only chance of getting a competency lies in marrying a rich widow, or running away with an heiress.”

“You won’t gain anything from trading,” he went on; “nothing more than a crust of dry bread and the sip of clean water you’re surviving on now; your best shot at getting a decent living is by marrying a wealthy widow or eloping with an heiress.”

“I leave such shifts to be put in practice by those who devise them,” said I, rising.

“I’ll leave those changes to the people who come up with them,” I said, standing up.

“And even that is hopeless,” he went on coolly. “What widow would have you? Much less, what heiress? You’re not bold and venturesome enough for the one, nor handsome and fascinating enough for the other. You think perhaps you look intelligent and polished; carry your intellect and refinement to market, and tell me in a private note what price is bid for them.”

“And even that is hopeless,” he continued calmly. “Which widow would want you? Let alone, which heiress? You’re not daring and adventurous enough for one, nor attractive and charming enough for the other. You might think you appear smart and sophisticated; take your intellect and refinement out there, and let me know in a private message what they’re worth.”

Mr. Hunsden had taken his tone for the night; the string he struck was out of tune, he would finger no other. Averse to discord, of which I had enough every day and all day long, I concluded, at last, that silence and solitude were preferable to jarring converse; I bade him good-night.

Mr. Hunsden had settled on his mood for the evening; the vibe he created was off, and he wouldn't change it. Not wanting any more conflict, which I dealt with all day, I finally decided that silence and being alone were better than awkward conversation; I wished him goodnight.

“What! Are you going, lad? Well, good-night: you’ll find the door.” And he sat still in front of the fire, while I left the room and the house. I had got a good way on my return to my lodgings before I found out that I was walking very fast, and breathing very hard, and that my nails were almost stuck into the palms of my clenched hands, and that my teeth were set fast; on making this discovery, I relaxed both my pace, fists, and jaws, but I could not so soon cause the regrets rushing rapidly through my mind to slacken their tide. Why did I make myself a tradesman? Why did I enter Hunsden’s house this evening? Why, at dawn to-morrow, must I repair to Crimsworth’s mill? All that night did I ask myself these questions, and all that night fiercely demanded of my soul an answer. I got no sleep; my head burned, my feet froze; at last the factory bells rang, and I sprang from my bed with other slaves.

“What! Are you leaving, kid? Well, good night; you’ll find the door.” And he stayed put in front of the fire while I left the room and the house. I had walked quite a distance on my way back to my place before I realized I was moving really fast and breathing heavily, that my nails were almost digging into the palms of my clenched hands, and my teeth were tightly gritted; upon making this realization, I relaxed my pace, fists, and jaw, but I couldn’t stop the flood of regrets rushing through my mind. Why did I choose to be a tradesman? Why did I go into Hunsden’s house tonight? Why, come dawn tomorrow, must I go to Crimsworth’s mill? All night I kept asking myself these questions, demanding an answer from my soul. I couldn’t sleep; my head was on fire, my feet were freezing; finally, the factory bells rang, and I jumped out of bed with the other workers.

CHAPTER V.

THERE is a climax to everything, to every state of feeling as well as to every position in life. I turned this truism over in my mind as, in the frosty dawn of a January morning, I hurried down the steep and now icy street which descended from Mrs. King’s to the Close. The factory workpeople had preceded me by nearly an hour, and the mill was all lighted up and in full operation when I reached it. I repaired to my post in the counting-house as usual; the fire there, but just lit, as yet only smoked; Steighton had not yet arrived. I shut the door and sat down at the desk; my hands, recently washed in half-frozen water, were still numb; I could not write till they had regained vitality, so I went on thinking, and still the theme of my thoughts was the “climax.” Self-dissatisfaction troubled exceedingly the current of my meditations.

THERE is a peak to everything, to every feeling as well as to every situation in life. I reflected on this truth as, in the chilly dawn of a January morning, I hurried down the steep and now icy street that led from Mrs. King’s to the Close. The factory workers had gotten there nearly an hour before me, and the mill was all lit up and fully operational by the time I arrived. I went to my usual spot in the counting-house; the fire was just started and was still smoking; Steighton hadn’t shown up yet. I closed the door and sat down at the desk; my hands, which I had recently washed in half-frozen water, were still numb. I couldn’t write until they warmed up, so I kept thinking, and the focus of my thoughts was still the “climax.” A deep sense of self-dissatisfaction bothered me greatly as I contemplated.

“Come, William Crimsworth,” said my conscience, or whatever it is that within ourselves takes ourselves to task—“come, get a clear notion of what you would have, or what you would not have. You talk of a climax; pray has your endurance reached its climax? It is not four months old. What a fine resolute fellow you imagined yourself to be when you told Tynedale you would tread in your father’s steps, and a pretty treading you are likely to make of it! How well you like X——! Just at this moment how redolent of pleasant associations are its streets, its shops, its warehouses, its factories! How the prospect of this day cheers you! Letter-copying till noon, solitary dinner at your lodgings, letter-copying till evening, solitude; for you neither find pleasure in Brown’s, nor Smith’s, nor Nicholl’s, nor Eccle’s company; and as to Hunsden, you fancied there was pleasure to be derived from his society—he! he! how did you like the taste you had of him last night? was it sweet? Yet he is a talented, an original-minded man, and even he does not like you; your self-respect defies you to like him; he has always seen you to disadvantage; he always will see you to disadvantage; your positions are unequal, and were they on the same level your minds could not assimilate; never hope, then, to gather the honey of friendship out of that thorn-guarded plant. Hello, Crimsworth! where are your thoughts tending? You leave the recollection of Hunsden as a bee would a rock, as a bird a desert; and your aspirations spread eager wings towards a land of visions where, now in advancing daylight—in X—— daylight—you dare to dream of congeniality, repose, union. Those three you will never meet in this world; they are angels. The souls of just men made perfect may encounter them in heaven, but your soul will never be made perfect. Eight o’clock strikes! your hands are thawed, get to work!”

“Come on, William Crimsworth,” said my conscience, or whatever it is inside us that holds us accountable—“get a clear idea of what you want or don’t want. You talk about reaching a peak; has your limit really been tested? It’s not even four months old. You thought you were so determined when you told Tynedale you’d follow in your father’s footsteps, and look at the mess you’re making of it! How much you love X——! Just now, how filled with good memories are its streets, its shops, its warehouses, its factories! This day excites you! Copying letters until noon, eating alone at your lodging, copying letters until evening, solitude; you don’t enjoy the company of Brown, Smith, Nicholl, or Eccle; and as for Hunsden, you thought there would be pleasure in his company—ha! How did you feel about the taste of his company last night? Was it sweet? Yet he is talented and has original thoughts, and even he doesn’t like you; your self-respect prevents you from liking him; he has always seen you at your worst; he always will see you at your worst; your situations are unequal, and even if they were level, your minds wouldn’t connect; so don’t expect to extract the sweetness of friendship from that thorny plant. Hey, Crimsworth! Where are your thoughts going? You leave behind Hunsden like a bee leaving a rock, like a bird leaving a desert; and your hopes soar towards a land of dreams where, now in this morning light—in X—— daylight—you dare to dream of connection, peace, unity. Those three you will never find in this world; they are angels. The souls of just men made perfect may meet them in heaven, but your soul will never be perfect. The clock strikes eight! Your hands are warmed up, get to work!”

“Work? why should I work?” said I sullenly: “I cannot please though I toil like a slave.” “Work, work!” reiterated the inward voice. “I may work, it will do no good,” I growled; but nevertheless I drew out a packet of letters and commenced my task—task thankless and bitter as that of the Israelite crawling over the sun-baked fields of Egypt in search of straw and stubble wherewith to accomplish his tale of bricks.

“Work? Why should I work?” I said gloomily. “I can't please anyone, even if I slave away.” “Work, work!” the inner voice insisted. “I might work, but it won't make a difference,” I grumbled; yet I pulled out a stack of letters and started my task—thankless and as bitter as the Israelite crawling over the sun-baked fields of Egypt searching for straw and stubble to finish his quota of bricks.

About ten o’clock I heard Mr. Crimsworth’s gig turn into the yard, and in a minute or two he entered the counting-house. It was his custom to glance his eye at Steighton and myself, to hang up his mackintosh, stand a minute with his back to the fire, and then walk out. Today he did not deviate from his usual habits; the only difference was that when he looked at me, his brow, instead of being merely hard, was surly; his eye, instead of being cold, was fierce. He studied me a minute or two longer than usual, but went out in silence.

About ten o’clock, I heard Mr. Crimsworth’s gig pull into the yard, and a minute or two later, he walked into the counting-house. He usually glanced at Steighton and me, hung up his raincoat, stood for a moment with his back to the fire, and then walked out. Today, he stuck to his routine; the only difference was that when he looked at me, his expression, instead of just being hard, was grumpy; his gaze, instead of being cold, was intense. He studied me for a minute or two longer than usual but left in silence.

Twelve o’clock arrived; the bell rang for a suspension of labour; the workpeople went off to their dinners; Steighton, too, departed, desiring me to lock the counting-house door, and take the key with me. I was tying up a bundle of papers, and putting them in their place, preparatory to closing my desk, when Crimsworth reappeared at the door, and entering closed it behind him.

Twelve o’clock came; the bell rang for a break from work; the workers went off for their lunches; Steighton also left, asking me to lock the counting-house door and take the key with me. I was bundling up some papers and putting them away, getting ready to close my desk, when Crimsworth came back to the door and, after entering, shut it behind him.

“You’ll stay here a minute,” said he, in a deep, brutal voice, while his nostrils distended and his eye shot a spark of sinister fire.

“You’ll stay here a minute,” he said, in a deep, harsh voice, while his nostrils flared and his eyes flashed with a dangerous glare.

Alone with Edward I remembered our relationship, and remembering that forgot the difference of position; I put away deference and careful forms of speech; I answered with simple brevity.

Alone with Edward, I thought about our relationship, and in doing so, I forgot about the difference in our status; I let go of my usual respect and formal ways of speaking; I responded with straightforward simplicity.

“It is time to go home,” I said, turning the key in my desk.

“It’s time to go home,” I said, turning the key in my desk.

“You’ll stay here!” he reiterated. “And take your hand off that key! leave it in the lock!”

“You're staying here!” he repeated. “And take your hand off that key! Leave it in the lock!”

“Why?” asked I. “What cause is there for changing my usual plans?”

“Why?” I asked. “What reason is there to change my usual plans?”

“Do as I order,” was the answer, “and no questions! You are my servant, obey me! What have you been about—?” He was going on in the same breath, when an abrupt pause announced that rage had for the moment got the better of articulation.

“Do as I say,” was the response, “and no questions! You’re my servant, follow my orders! What have you been doing—?” He was continuing in the same breath when a sudden pause revealed that his anger had temporarily overcome his ability to speak.

“You may look, if you wish to know,” I replied. “There is the open desk, there are the papers.”

“You can look if you want to know,” I replied. “There's the open desk, and there are the papers.”

“Confound your insolence! What have you been about?”

“Damn your arrogance! What have you been up to?”

“Your work, and have done it well.”

“Your work, and you did it well.”

“Hypocrite and twaddler! Smooth-faced, snivelling greasehorn!” (This last term is, I believe, purely ——shire, and alludes to the horn of black, rancid whale-oil, usually to be seen suspended to cart-wheels, and employed for greasing the same.)

“Hypocrite and chatterbox! Smooth-faced, sniveling greasehorn!” (This last term is, I believe, purely ——shire, and refers to the horn of black, rancid whale oil, usually seen hanging from cart wheels and used for greasing them.)

“Come, Edward Crimsworth, enough of this. It is time you and I wound up accounts. I have now given your service three months’ trial, and I find it the most nauseous slavery under the sun. Seek another clerk. I stay no longer.”

“Come on, Edward Crimsworth, that's enough of this. It's time we settled things. I’ve tried your service for three months now, and I find it to be the worst kind of slavery. Find another clerk. I'm out of here.”

“What! do you dare to give me notice? Stop at least for your wages.” He took down the heavy gig whip hanging beside his mackintosh.

“What! Do you really think you can give me notice? At least stay for your pay.” He grabbed the heavy whip hanging next to his raincoat.

I permitted myself to laugh with a degree of scorn I took no pains to temper or hide. His fury boiled up, and when he had sworn half-a-dozen vulgar, impious oaths, without, however, venturing to lift the whip, he continued:

I let myself laugh with a level of disdain that I didn’t bother to soften or hide. His anger erupted, and after he had shouted a bunch of crude, offensive curses, without actually daring to raise the whip, he went on:

“I’ve found you out and know you thoroughly, you mean, whining lickspittle! What have you been saying all over X—— about me? answer me that!”

“I’ve figured you out and know you inside and out, you whining sycophant! What have you been saying all over X—— about me? Just answer me that!”

“You? I have neither inclination nor temptation to talk about you.”

"You? I have no desire or urge to talk about you."

“You lie! It is your practice to talk about me; it is your constant habit to make public complaint of the treatment you receive at my hands. You have gone and told it far and near that I give you low wages and knock you about like a dog. I wish you were a dog! I’d set-to this minute, and never stir from the spot till I’d cut every strip of flesh from your bones with this whip.”

“You're lying! You always talk about me; it’s your regular thing to complain publicly about how I treat you. You’ve gone around telling everyone that I pay you low wages and treat you like a dog. I wish you were a dog! I’d get right to it and wouldn’t move from this spot until I’d stripped every piece of flesh from your bones with this whip.”

He flourished his tool. The end of the lash just touched my forehead. A warm excited thrill ran through my veins, my blood seemed to give a bound, and then raced fast and hot along its channels. I got up nimbly, came round to where he stood, and faced him.

He waved his tool around. The tip of the whip barely grazed my forehead. A warm, thrilling excitement surged through me, my blood felt like it jumped, and then raced quickly and hotly through my veins. I got up quickly, walked over to where he was, and faced him.

“Down with your whip!” said I, “and explain this instant what you mean.”

“Put down your whip!” I said, “and explain right now what you mean.”

“Sirrah! to whom are you speaking?”

“Hey! Who are you talking to?”

“To you. There is no one else present, I think. You say I have been calumniating you—complaining of your low wages and bad treatment. Give your grounds for these assertions.”

“To you. I don’t think anyone else is here. You say I’ve been badmouthing you—complaining about your low pay and poor treatment. Please explain these claims.”

Crimsworth had no dignity, and when I sternly demanded an explanation, he gave one in a loud, scolding voice.

Crimsworth had no self-respect, and when I firmly asked for an explanation, he provided one in a loud, reprimanding tone.

“Grounds! you shall have them; and turn to the light that I may see your brazen face blush black, when you hear yourself proved to be a liar and a hypocrite. At a public meeting in the Town-hall yesterday, I had the pleasure of hearing myself insulted by the speaker opposed to me in the question under discussion, by allusions to my private affairs; by cant about monsters without natural affection, family despots, and such trash; and when I rose to answer, I was met by a shout from the filthy mob, where the mention of your name enabled me at once to detect the quarter in which this base attack had originated. When I looked round, I saw that treacherous villain, Hunsden acting as fugleman. I detected you in close conversation with Hunsden at my house a month ago, and I know that you were at Hunsden’s rooms last night. Deny it if you dare.”

"Grounds! You will have them; and turn to the light so I can see your brazen face blush black when you hear yourself caught being a liar and a hypocrite. At a public meeting in the Town Hall yesterday, I had the pleasure of hearing myself insulted by the speaker opposing me in the discussion, with references to my private life; by nonsense about monsters without natural affection, family tyrants, and such rubbish; and when I stood up to respond, I was met with a shout from the filthy crowd, where the mention of your name made it clear where this cowardly attack was coming from. When I looked around, I saw that treacherous villain, Hunsden, leading the charge. I noticed you in close conversation with Hunsden at my house a month ago, and I know you were at Hunsden’s place last night. Deny it if you dare."

“Oh, I shall not deny it! And if Hunsden hounded on the people to hiss you, he did quite right. You deserve popular execration; for a worse man, a harder master, a more brutal brother than you are has seldom existed.”

“Oh, I won’t deny it! And if Hunsden encouraged the crowd to boo you, he was completely right. You deserve to be hated by the public; because there’s rarely been a worse person, a harsher master, or a more brutal brother than you.”

“Sirrah! sirrah!” reiterated Crimsworth; and to complete his apostrophe, he cracked the whip straight over my head.

“Hey! hey!” Crimsworth repeated, and to emphasize his words, he cracked the whip right over my head.

A minute sufficed to wrest it from him, break it in two pieces, and throw it under the grate. He made a headlong rush at me, which I evaded, and said—

A minute was enough to snatch it from him, break it in half, and toss it under the grate. He charged at me, which I dodged, and said—

“Touch me, and I’ll have you up before the nearest magistrate.”

“Touch me, and I’ll take you to the nearest judge.”

Men like Crimsworth, if firmly and calmly resisted, always abate something of their exorbitant insolence; he had no mind to be brought before a magistrate, and I suppose he saw I meant what I said. After an odd and long stare at me, at once bull-like and amazed, he seemed to bethink himself that, after all, his money gave him sufficient superiority over a beggar like me, and that he had in his hands a surer and more dignified mode of revenge than the somewhat hazardous one of personal chastisement.

Men like Crimsworth, when faced with firm and calm resistance, usually tone down their outrageous arrogance; he didn't want to be taken to court, and I think he realized I was serious. After an odd and prolonged stare at me, both bull-like and astonished, he seemed to remember that, ultimately, his money gave him enough power over a beggar like me, and that he had a more reliable and respectable way to get back at me than the rather risky option of physical punishment.

“Take your hat,” said he. “Take what belongs to you, and go out at that door; get away to your parish, you pauper: beg, steal, starve, get transported, do what you like; but at your peril venture again into my sight! If ever I hear of your setting foot on an inch of ground belonging to me, I’ll hire a man to cane you.”

“Take your hat,” he said. “Take what’s yours and leave through that door; go back to your parish, you beggar: beg, steal, starve, get sent away, do whatever you want; but don’t you dare come back in front of me! If I ever hear you step foot on any of my land, I’ll hire someone to beat you.”

“It is not likely you’ll have the chance; once off your premises, what temptation can I have to return to them? I leave a prison, I leave a tyrant; I leave what is worse than the worst that can lie before me, so no fear of my coming back.”

“It’s unlikely you’ll get another chance; once I’m out of your space, what reason would I have to come back? I’m leaving a prison, I’m leaving a tyrant; I’m leaving behind something worse than anything that could await me, so there’s no worry about me returning.”

“Go, or I’ll make you!” exclaimed Crimsworth.

“Go, or I’ll make you!” yelled Crimsworth.

I walked deliberately to my desk, took out such of its contents as were my own property, put them in my pocket, locked the desk, and placed the key on the top.

I walked purposefully to my desk, took out the things that belonged to me, put them in my pocket, locked the desk, and set the key on top.

“What are you abstracting from that desk?” demanded the millowner. “Leave all behind in its place, or I’ll send for a policeman to search you.”

“What are you taking from that desk?” the mill owner demanded. “Leave everything where it is, or I’ll call the police to search you.”

“Look sharp about it, then,” said I, and I took down my hat, drew on my gloves, and walked leisurely out of the counting-house—walked out of it to enter it no more.

“Stay sharp about it, then,” I said, and I grabbed my hat, put on my gloves, and casually walked out of the office—walked out of it for good.

I recollect that when the mill-bell rang the dinner hour, before Mr. Crimsworth entered, and the scene above related took place, I had had rather a sharp appetite, and had been waiting somewhat impatiently to hear the signal of feeding time. I forgot it now, however; the images of potatoes and roast mutton were effaced from my mind by the stir and tumult which the transaction of the last half-hour had there excited. I only thought of walking, that the action of my muscles might harmonize with the action of my nerves; and walk I did, fast and far. How could I do otherwise? A load was lifted off my heart; I felt light and liberated. I had got away from Bigben Close without a breach of resolution; without injury to my self-respect. I had not forced circumstances; circumstances had freed me. Life was again open to me; no longer was its horizon limited by the high black wall surrounding Crimsworth’s mill. Two hours had elapsed before my sensations had so far subsided as to leave me calm enough to remark for what wider and clearer boundaries I had exchanged that sooty girdle. When I did look up, lo! straight before me lay Grovetown, a village of villas about five miles out of X——. The short winter day, as I perceived from the far-declined sun, was already approaching its close; a chill frost-mist was rising from the river on which X—— stands, and along whose banks the road I had taken lay; it dimmed the earth, but did not obscure the clear icy blue of the January sky. There was a great stillness near and far; the time of the day favoured tranquillity, as the people were all employed within-doors, the hour of evening release from the factories not being yet arrived; a sound of full-flowing water alone pervaded the air, for the river was deep and abundant, swelled by the melting of a late snow. I stood awhile, leaning over a wall; and looking down at the current: I watched the rapid rush of its waves. I desired memory to take a clear and permanent impression of the scene, and treasure it for future years. Grovetown church clock struck four; looking up, I beheld the last of that day’s sun, glinting red through the leafless boughs of some very old oak trees surrounding the church—its light coloured and characterized the picture as I wished. I paused yet a moment, till the sweet, slow sound of the bell had quite died out of the air; then ear, eye and feeling satisfied, I quitted the wall and once more turned my face towards X——.

I remember that when the mill-bell rang for dinner, just before Mr. Crimsworth came in and the scene I mentioned happened, I had a pretty strong appetite and had been waiting a bit impatiently to hear the signal for mealtime. However, I forgot all about it now; the thoughts of potatoes and roast mutton were wiped from my mind by the commotion and chaos of the last half-hour. All I thought about was walking, wanting to get my muscles moving in sync with my nerves; and walk I did, fast and far. How could I do anything else? A weight had been lifted off my heart; I felt light and free. I had managed to get away from Bigben Close without breaking my resolve or hurting my self-respect. I hadn’t forced anything; I had been freed by the situation. Life was open to me again; my view was no longer blocked by the high, dark wall surrounding Crimsworth's mill. It had been two hours before I calmed down enough to realize what broader and clearer horizons I had gained by leaving that gloomy place. When I finally looked up, there lay Grovetown, a village of villas about five miles outside of X——. The short winter day, as I could tell from the low sun, was already winding down; a cold, frosty mist was rising from the river that X—— is built on, and the road I had taken ran alongside it; it blurred the ground but didn’t hide the bright icy blue of the January sky. There was a deep stillness all around; the time of day encouraged peace since everyone was inside, waiting for the end of the workday to come. The only sound was the rush of flowing water, as the river was deep and full, swollen from melting late-season snow. I stood for a moment, leaning over a wall, looking down at the current. I wanted my memory to capture a clear and lasting image of the scene to cherish for years to come. Grovetown's church clock struck four; looking up, I saw the last rays of that day's sun shining red through the bare branches of some very old oak trees around the church—its light gave the scene the color and charm I wanted. I paused for just a moment until the soft, slow sound of the bell completely faded from the air; then, satisfied in ear, eye, and heart, I left the wall and turned my face back towards X——.

CHAPTER VI.

I RE-ENTERED the town a hungry man; the dinner I had forgotten recurred seductively to my recollection; and it was with a quick step and sharp appetite I ascended the narrow street leading to my lodgings. It was dark when I opened the front door and walked into the house. I wondered how my fire would be; the night was cold, and I shuddered at the prospect of a grate full of sparkless cinders. To my joyful surprise, I found, on entering my sitting-room, a good fire and a clean hearth. I had hardly noticed this phenomenon, when I became aware of another subject for wonderment; the chair I usually occupied near the hearth was already filled; a person sat there with his arms folded on his chest, and his legs stretched out on the rug. Short-sighted as I am, doubtful as was the gleam of the firelight, a moment’s examination enabled me to recognize in this person my acquaintance, Mr. Hunsden. I could not of course be much pleased to see him, considering the manner in which I had parted from him the night before, and as I walked to the hearth, stirred the fire, and said coolly, “Good evening,” my demeanour evinced as little cordiality as I felt; yet I wondered in my own mind what had brought him there; and I wondered, also, what motives had induced him to interfere so actively between me and Edward; it was to him, it appeared, that I owed my welcome dismissal; still I could not bring myself to ask him questions, to show any eagerness of curiosity; if he chose to explain, he might, but the explanation should be a perfectly voluntary one on his part; I thought he was entering upon it.

I walked back into town feeling really hungry; the dinner I had forgotten came back to me vividly, and I hurried up the narrow street to my place. It was dark when I opened the front door and stepped inside. I wondered how my fire would be; the night was cold, and the thought of a fireplace full of cold ashes made me shudder. To my delight, when I entered my sitting room, I found a nice fire and a clean hearth. Just as I was taking this in, I noticed something else that surprised me; the chair I usually sat in by the fire was already occupied. A person was sitting there with their arms crossed on their chest and their legs stretched out on the rug. Even though I’m somewhat short-sighted and skeptical about the firelight, it only took a moment for me to recognize my acquaintance, Mr. Hunsden. I couldn’t say I was too happy to see him, especially given how we had parted the night before, so as I walked to the fire, poked it, and said casually, “Good evening,” my demeanor showed as little warmth as I felt. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what had brought him there and why he had intervened so much between me and Edward; it seemed like I owed my sudden dismissal to him. However, I couldn’t bring myself to ask him anything or show any curiosity; if he wanted to explain, he could, but it should be completely voluntary on his part. I thought he was about to start explaining.

“You owe me a debt of gratitude,” were his first words.

“You owe me a thank you,” were his first words.

“Do I?” said I; “I hope it is not a large one, for I am much too poor to charge myself with heavy liabilities of any kind.”

“Do I?” I said. “I hope it’s not a big one because I’m way too broke to take on any heavy debts.”

“Then declare yourself bankrupt at once, for this liability is a ton weight at least. When I came in I found your fire out, and I had it lit again, and made that sulky drab of a servant stay and blow at it with the bellows till it had burnt up properly; now, say ‘Thank you!’”

“Then just declare yourself bankrupt right away, because this debt is a huge burden. When I got here, your fire was out, so I got it going again and made that grumpy servant stay and fan it with the bellows until it was burning well; now, say ‘Thank you!’”

“Not till I have had something to eat; I can thank nobody while I am so famished.”

“Not until I’ve had something to eat; I can’t thank anyone when I’m this hungry.”

I rang the bell and ordered tea and some cold meat.

I rang the bell and ordered tea and some cold cuts.

“Cold meat!” exclaimed Hunsden, as the servant closed the door, “what a glutton you are; man! Meat with tea! you’ll die of eating too much.”

“Cold meat!” Hunsden exclaimed as the servant closed the door. “What a glutton you are, man! Meat with tea! You’re going to die from overeating.”

“No, Mr. Hunsden, I shall not.” I felt a necessity for contradicting him; I was irritated with hunger, and irritated at seeing him there, and irritated at the continued roughness of his manner.

“No, Mr. Hunsden, I won’t.” I felt the need to contradict him; I was annoyed from hunger, annoyed at seeing him there, and annoyed by his constant roughness.

“It is over-eating that makes you so ill-tempered,” said he.

“It’s overeating that makes you so grumpy,” he said.

“How do you know?” I demanded. “It is like you to give a pragmatical opinion without being acquainted with any of the circumstances of the case; I have had no dinner.”

“How do you know?” I asked. “It’s typical of you to give a practical opinion without knowing any of the details of the situation; I haven’t had dinner.”

What I said was petulant and snappish enough, and Hunsden only replied by looking in my face and laughing.

What I said was pretty whiny and sharp, and Hunsden just looked at me and laughed.

“Poor thing!” he whined, after a pause. “It has had no dinner, has it? What! I suppose its master would not let it come home. Did Crimsworth order you to fast by way of punishment, William!”

“Poor thing!” he complained, after a moment. “It hasn’t had any dinner, has it? What! I guess its owner wouldn’t let it come home. Did Crimsworth tell you to skip meals as punishment, William!”

“No, Mr. Hunsden.” Fortunately at this sulky juncture, tea, was brought in, and I fell to upon some bread and butter and cold beef directly. Having cleared a plateful, I became so far humanized as to intimate to Mr. Hunsden that he need not sit there staring, but might come to the table and do as I did, if he liked.

“No, Mr. Hunsden.” Luckily, just then, tea was served, and I dived into some bread and butter and cold beef right away. After finishing a plateful, I got a bit more relaxed and let Mr. Hunsden know that he didn’t have to just sit there staring; he could join me at the table and eat like I was, if he wanted.

“But I don’t like in the least,” said he, and therewith he summoned the servant by a fresh pull of the bell-rope, and intimated a desire to have a glass of toast-and-water. “And some more coal,” he added; “Mr. Crimsworth shall keep a good fire while I stay.”

“But I really don’t like it at all,” he said, and then he called the servant again by pulling the bell rope and asked for a glass of toast-and-water. “And some more coal,” he added; “Mr. Crimsworth should keep a good fire while I’m here.”

His orders being executed, he wheeled his chair round to the table, so as to be opposite me.

His orders completed, he turned his chair around to face me at the table.

“Well,” he proceeded. “You are out of work, I suppose.”

“Well,” he continued. “I guess you’re unemployed.”

“Yes,” said I; and not disposed to show the satisfaction I felt on this point, I, yielding to the whim of the moment, took up the subject as though I considered myself aggrieved rather than benefited by what had been done. “Yes—thanks to you, I am. Crimsworth turned me off at a minute’s notice, owing to some interference of yours at a public meeting, I understand.”

“Yes,” I said; and not willing to reveal the satisfaction I felt about this, I, giving in to the mood of the moment, took up the subject as if I believed I was wronged rather than helped by what had happened. “Yes—thanks to you, I am. Crimsworth fired me on short notice because of some interference of yours at a public meeting, I hear.”

“Ah! what! he mentioned that? He observed me signalling the lads, did he? What had he to say about his friend Hunsden—anything sweet?”

“Wow! He really said that? He saw me signaling the guys, did he? What did he have to say about his friend Hunsden—anything nice?”

“He called you a treacherous villain.”

"He called you a deceitful villain."

“Oh, he hardly knows me yet! I’m one of those shy people who don’t come out all at once, and he is only just beginning to make my acquaintance, but he’ll find I’ve some good qualities—excellent ones! The Hunsdens were always unrivalled at tracking a rascal; a downright, dishonourable villain is their natural prey—they could not keep off him wherever they met him; you used the word pragmatical just now—that word is the property of our family; it has been applied to us from generation to generation; we have fine noses for abuses; we scent a scoundrel a mile off; we are reformers born, radical reformers; and it was impossible for me to live in the same town with Crimsworth, to come into weekly contact with him, to witness some of his conduct to you (for whom personally I care nothing; I only consider the brutal injustice with which he violated your natural claim to equality)—I say it was impossible for me to be thus situated and not feel the angel or the demon of my race at work within me. I followed my instinct, opposed a tyrant, and broke a chain.”

“Oh, he barely knows me yet! I’m one of those shy people who don’t show everything at once, and he’s just starting to get to know me, but he’ll see that I have some great qualities—really great ones! The Hunsdens have always been the best at sniffing out a rascal; a total dishonorable villain is just what we go after—they can’t help but pursue him wherever they find him. You just used the word 'pragmatical'—that word is basically ours; it’s been used to describe us for generations. We have a keen sense for wrongdoing; we can spot a scoundrel from a mile away; we’re born reformers, radical reformers. It was impossible for me to live in the same town as Crimsworth, to see him every week, to watch how he treated you (for whom I personally don’t care; I only think about the awful injustice with which he disregarded your natural right to equality)—I mean, it was impossible for me to be in that situation and not feel the angel or the demon of my family’s legacy stirring inside me. I followed my instinct, stood up to a tyrant, and broke a chain.”

Now this speech interested me much, both because it brought out Hunsden’s character, and because it explained his motives; it interested me so much that I forgot to reply to it, and sat silent, pondering over a throng of ideas it had suggested.

Now this speech really caught my attention, both because it revealed Hunsden’s character and because it explained his motives; I was so absorbed that I forgot to respond and sat quietly, thinking about a flood of ideas it had sparked.

“Are you grateful to me?” he asked, presently.

“Are you thankful for me?” he asked, after a moment.

In fact I was grateful, or almost so, and I believe I half liked him at the moment, notwithstanding his proviso that what he had done was not out of regard for me. But human nature is perverse. Impossible to answer his blunt question in the affirmative, so I disclaimed all tendency to gratitude, and advised him if he expected any reward for his championship, to look for it in a better world, as he was not likely to meet with it here. In reply he termed me “a dry-hearted aristocratic scamp,” whereupon I again charged him with having taken the bread out of my mouth.

Honestly, I was grateful, or somewhat close to it, and I think I kind of liked him at that moment, even though he made it clear that what he had done wasn’t for my sake. But human nature is strange. I couldn't honestly answer his direct question positively, so I insisted I felt no gratitude and suggested that if he was expecting any recognition for his support, he should seek it in a better place, because he wasn't going to find it here. In response, he called me “a cold-hearted aristocratic scamp,” and then I accused him again of having taken food from my table.

“Your bread was dirty, man!” cried Hunsden—“dirty and unwholesome! It came through the hands of a tyrant, for I tell you Crimsworth is a tyrant,—a tyrant to his workpeople, a tyrant to his clerks, and will some day be a tyrant to his wife.”

“Your bread was dirty, man!” shouted Hunsden. “It was dirty and unhealthy! It came from the hands of a tyrant, because I tell you, Crimsworth is a tyrant—a tyrant to his workers, a tyrant to his clerks, and someday, he’ll be a tyrant to his wife.”

“Nonsense! bread is bread, and a salary is a salary. I’ve lost mine, and through your means.”

“Nonsense! Bread is just bread, and a salary is just a salary. I've lost mine, and it's because of you.”

“There’s sense in what you say, after all,” rejoined Hunsden. “I must say I am rather agreeably surprised to hear you make so practical an observation as that last. I had imagined now, from my previous observation of your character, that the sentimental delight you would have taken in your newly regained liberty would, for a while at least, have effaced all ideas of forethought and prudence. I think better of you for looking steadily to the needful.”

“There's a point in what you’re saying,” replied Hunsden. “I have to admit I’m pretty pleasantly surprised to hear you make such a practical observation as that last one. I had thought, based on what I had seen of your character before, that the sentimental joy you would feel about your newly regained freedom would, at least for a while, overshadow any thoughts of planning and caution. I have a better opinion of you for focusing on what’s necessary.”

“Looking steadily to the needful! How can I do otherwise? I must live, and to live I must have what you call ‘the needful,’ which I can only get by working. I repeat it, you have taken my work from me.”

“Focusing on what’s necessary! How else can I approach it? I need to survive, and to survive I need what you call 'the necessary,' which I can only obtain through hard work. I say again, you have taken my work away from me.”

“What do you mean to do?” pursued Hunsden coolly. “You have influential relations; I suppose they’ll soon provide you with another place.”

“What are you planning to do?” Hunsden asked casually. “You have powerful connections; I assume they’ll help you find another job soon.”

“Influential relations? Who? I should like to know their names.”

“Influential connections? Who? I’d like to know their names.”

“The Seacombes.”

“The Seacombes.”

“Stuff! I have cut them.”

“Stuff! I’ve cut them.”

Hunsden looked at me incredulously.

Hunsden looked at me in disbelief.

“I have,” said I, “and that definitively.”

“I have,” I said, “and that’s final.”

“You must mean they have cut you, William.”

"You must mean they’ve hurt you, William."

“As you please. They offered me their patronage on condition of my entering the Church; I declined both the terms and the recompence; I withdrew from my cold uncles, and preferred throwing myself into my elder brother’s arms, from whose affectionate embrace I am now torn by the cruel intermeddling of a stranger—of yourself, in short.”

“As you wish. They offered me their support on the condition that I join the Church; I turned down both the offer and the reward; I distanced myself from my indifferent uncles and chose to lean on my older brother, whose caring embrace I am now separated from due to the harsh interference of a stranger—you, to be specific.”

I could not repress a half-smile as I said this; a similar demi-manifestation of feeling appeared at the same moment on Hunsden’s lips.

I couldn't help but give a half-smile as I said this; a similar hint of a feeling appeared at the same moment on Hunsden’s lips.

“Oh, I see!” said he, looking into my eyes, and it was evident he did see right down into my heart. Having sat a minute or two with his chin resting on his hand, diligently occupied in the continued perusal of my countenance, he went on:

“Oh, I get it!” he said, looking into my eyes, and it was clear he really could see right into my heart. After sitting for a minute or so with his chin resting on his hand, focused on studying my face, he continued:

“Seriously, have you then nothing to expect from the Seacombes?”

“Seriously, don’t you have anything to expect from the Seacombes?”

“Yes, rejection and repulsion. Why do you ask me twice? How can hands stained with the ink of a counting-house, soiled with the grease of a wool-warehouse, ever again be permitted to come into contact with aristocratic palms?”

“Yes, rejection and repulsion. Why are you asking me again? How can hands stained with the ink of an accounting office, dirtied with the grease of a wool warehouse, ever be allowed to touch aristocratic hands again?”

“There would be a difficulty, no doubt; still you are such a complete Seacombe in appearance, feature, language, almost manner, I wonder they should disown you.”

“There would definitely be a challenge; still, you look so much like a true Seacombe in your appearance, features, way of speaking, and even your mannerisms. I’m surprised they don’t recognize you.”

“They have disowned me; so talk no more about it.”

"They've cut me off; so let's not discuss it anymore."

“Do you regret it, William?”

"Do you regret it, Will?"

“No.”

“No.”

“Why not, lad?”

“Why not, dude?”

“Because they are not people with whom I could ever have had any sympathy.”

“Because they aren’t people I could ever feel sympathy for.”

“I say you are one of them.”

“I say you’re one of them.”

“That merely proves that you know nothing at all about it; I am my mother’s son, but not my uncles’ nephew.”

"That just shows you don't know anything about it; I'm my mother's son, but I'm not my uncles' nephew."

“Still—one of your uncles is a lord, though rather an obscure and not a very wealthy one, and the other a right honourable: you should consider worldly interest.”

“Still, one of your uncles is a lord, although he’s pretty obscure and not that wealthy, and the other is a right honorable: you should think about your worldly interests.”

“Nonsense, Mr. Hunsden. You know or may know that even had I desired to be submissive to my uncles, I could not have stooped with a good enough grace ever to have won their favour. I should have sacrificed my own comfort and not have gained their patronage in return.”

“Nonsense, Mr. Hunsden. You know or might know that even if I wanted to submit to my uncles, I could never have done it gracefully enough to earn their favor. I would have had to sacrifice my own comfort without gaining their support in return.”

“Very likely—so you calculated your wisest plan was to follow your own devices at once?”

“Very likely—so you figured your smartest move was to just go with your own ideas right away?”

“Exactly. I must follow my own devices—I must, till the day of my death; because I can neither comprehend, adopt, nor work out those of other people.”

“Exactly. I have to rely on my own ideas—I have to, until the day I die; because I can’t understand, accept, or implement those of other people.”

Hunsden yawned. “Well,” said he, “in all this, I see but one thing clearly—that is, that the whole affair is no business of mine.” He stretched himself and again yawned. “I wonder what time it is,” he went on: “I have an appointment for seven o’clock.”

Hunsden yawned. “Well,” he said, “the only thing I see clearly in all of this is that it’s none of my business.” He stretched and yawned again. “I wonder what time it is,” he continued, “I have a meeting at seven o’clock.”

“Three quarters past six by my watch.”

“Three quarters past six by my watch.”

“Well, then I’ll go.” He got up. “You’ll not meddle with trade again?” said he, leaning his elbow on the mantelpiece.

“Well, then I’ll leave.” He stood up. “You won’t interfere with business again?” he asked, resting his elbow on the mantel.

“No; I think not.”

"No, I don't think so."

“You would be a fool if you did. Probably, after all, you’ll think better of your uncles’ proposal and go into the Church.”

“You’d be an idiot if you did. Most likely, after all, you’ll reconsider your uncles’ proposal and join the Church.”

“A singular regeneration must take place in my whole inner and outer man before I do that. A good clergyman is one of the best of men.”

“A complete transformation has to happen in both my inner self and outer self before I do that. A good clergyman is one of the finest people.”

“Indeed! Do you think so?” interrupted Hunsden, scoffingly.

"Really? Do you believe that?" Hunsden interrupted, mocking.

“I do, and no mistake. But I have not the peculiar points which go to make a good clergyman; and rather than adopt a profession for which I have no vocation, I would endure extremities of hardship from poverty.”

“I do, no doubt about that. But I lack the special qualities that make for a good clergyman; and rather than pursue a profession for which I have no calling, I would rather face extreme hardship from poverty.”

“You’re a mighty difficult customer to suit. You won’t be a tradesman or a parson; you can’t be a lawyer, or a doctor, or a gentleman, because you’ve no money. I’d recommend you to travel.”

“You're a really tough customer to please. You can't be a tradesperson or a clergyman; you can't be a lawyer, a doctor, or a gentleman because you don't have any money. I'd suggest you go travel.”

“What! without money?”

"What! No money?"

“You must travel in search of money, man. You can speak French—with a vile English accent, no doubt—still, you can speak it. Go on to the Continent, and see what will turn up for you there.”

“You need to go out and find some money, man. You can speak French—with a horrible English accent, for sure—but you can speak it. Head over to the mainland and see what opportunities you can find there.”

“God knows I should like to go!” exclaimed I with involuntary ardour.

“God knows I really want to go!” I exclaimed with genuine enthusiasm.

“Go: what the deuce hinders you? You may get to Brussels, for instance, for five or six pounds, if you know how to manage with economy.”

“Go: what on earth is stopping you? You can get to Brussels, for example, for five or six pounds if you know how to travel on a budget.”

“Necessity would teach me if I didn’t.”

“Necessity would teach me if I didn’t.”

“Go, then, and let your wits make a way for you when you get there. I know Brussels almost as well as I know X——, and I am sure it would suit such a one as you better than London.”

“Go ahead, and let your cleverness guide you when you arrive. I know Brussels almost as well as I know X——, and I’m sure it would be a better fit for someone like you than London.”

“But occupation, Mr. Hunsden! I must go where occupation is to be had; and how could I get recommendation, or introduction, or employment at Brussels?”

“But work, Mr. Hunsden! I have to go where I can find work; and how could I get a recommendation, or an introduction, or a job in Brussels?”

“There speaks the organ of caution. You hate to advance a step before you know every inch of the way. You haven’t a sheet of paper and a pen-and-ink?”

“There speaks the voice of caution. You don’t want to take a step until you know every bit of the path. Don’t you have a piece of paper and a pen?”

“I hope so,” and I produced writing materials with alacrity; for I guessed what he was going to do. He sat down, wrote a few lines, folded, sealed, and addressed a letter, and held it out to me.

“I hope so,” I said, quickly pulling out some writing materials because I figured out what he was going to do. He sat down, wrote a few lines, folded, sealed, and addressed the letter, then handed it to me.

“There, Prudence, there’s a pioneer to hew down the first rough difficulties of your path. I know well enough, lad, you are not one of those who will run their neck into a noose without seeing how they are to get it out again, and you’re right there. A reckless man is my aversion, and nothing should ever persuade me to meddle with the concerns of such a one. Those who are reckless for themselves are generally ten times more so for their friends.”

“There, Prudence, there’s a trailblazer to cut through the first rough patches of your journey. I know you’re not someone who would rush into danger without figuring out how to get out of it, and that’s a good thing. I can’t stand reckless people, and nothing would convince me to get involved with someone like that. Those who are reckless for themselves are usually even riskier for their friends.”

“This is a letter of introduction, I suppose?” said I, taking the epistle.

“This is a letter of introduction, right?” I said, taking the letter.

“Yes. With that in your pocket you will run no risk of finding yourself in a state of absolute destitution, which, I know, you will regard as a degradation—so should I, for that matter. The person to whom you will present it generally has two or three respectable places depending upon his recommendation.”

“Yes. With that in your pocket, you won’t have to worry about ending up completely broke, which I know you see as a disgrace—so do I, honestly. The person to whom you give it usually has two or three good connections relying on his recommendation.”

“That will just suit me,” said I.

"That works perfectly for me," I said.

“Well, and where’s your gratitude?” demanded Mr. Hunsden; “don’t you know how to say ‘Thank you?’”

“Well, where’s your gratitude?” Mr. Hunsden demanded. “Don’t you know how to say ‘Thank you?’”

“I’ve fifteen pounds and a watch, which my godmother, whom I never saw, gave me eighteen years ago,” was my rather irrelevant answer; and I further avowed myself a happy man, and professed that I did not envy any being in Christendom.

“I have fifteen pounds and a watch, which my godmother, whom I’ve never met, gave me eighteen years ago,” was my somewhat off-topic answer; and I also declared myself a happy man, insisting that I didn’t envy anyone in the world.

“But your gratitude?”

“But what about your gratitude?”

“I shall be off presently, Mr. Hunsden—to-morrow, if all be well: I’ll not stay a day longer in X—— than I’m obliged.”

“I'll be leaving soon, Mr. Hunsden—tomorrow, if everything goes well: I won’t stay in X—— for a day longer than I have to.”

“Very good—but it will be decent to make due acknowledgment for the assistance you have received; be quick! It is just going to strike seven: I’m waiting to be thanked.”

“Very good—but it’s only polite to acknowledge the help you’ve gotten; hurry up! It’s almost seven: I’m waiting to be thanked.”

“Just stand out of the way, will you, Mr. Hunsden: I want a key there is on the corner of the mantelpiece. I’ll pack my portmanteau before I go to bed.”

“Just stay out of the way, will you, Mr. Hunsden? I need the key that's on the corner of the mantelpiece. I'll pack my suitcase before I go to bed.”

The house clock struck seven.

The clock rang seven.

“The lad is a heathen,” said Hunsden, and taking his hat from a sideboard, he left the room, laughing to himself. I had half an inclination to follow him: I really intended to leave X—— the next morning, and should certainly not have another opportunity of bidding him good-bye. The front door banged to.

“The kid is a heathen,” said Hunsden, and grabbing his hat from a sideboard, he left the room, chuckling to himself. I almost felt like following him; I really planned to leave X—— the next morning and wouldn’t get another chance to say goodbye. The front door slammed shut.

“Let him go,” said I, “we shall meet again some day.”

“Let him go,” I said, “we'll meet again someday.”

CHAPTER VII.

READER, perhaps you were never in Belgium? Haply you don’t know the physiognomy of the country? You have not its lineaments defined upon your memory, as I have them on mine?

READER, maybe you’ve never been to Belgium? Perhaps you don’t know what the country looks like? You don’t have its features clearly in your memory like I do in mine?

Three—nay four—pictures line the four-walled cell where are stored for me the records of the past. First, Eton. All in that picture is in far perspective, receding, diminutive; but freshly coloured, green, dewy, with a spring sky, piled with glittering yet showery clouds; for my childhood was not all sunshine—it had its overcast, its cold, its stormy hours. Second, X——, huge, dingy; the canvas cracked and smoked; a yellow sky, sooty clouds; no sun, no azure; the verdure of the suburbs blighted and sullied—a very dreary scene.

Three—actually four—pictures line the four-walled cell where the memories of my past are kept. First, Eton. Everything in that picture is distant, small, but vividly colored, green, fresh, with a spring sky filled with sparkling yet showery clouds; my childhood wasn’t all sunshine—it had its gloomy, cold, and stormy moments. Second, X——, massive and grungy; the canvas is cracked and stained; a yellow sky, dirty clouds; no sun, no blue; the greenery of the suburbs is tarnished and spoiled—a truly bleak scene.

Third, Belgium; and I will pause before this landscape. As to the fourth, a curtain covers it, which I may hereafter withdraw, or may not, as suits my convenience and capacity. At any rate, for the present it must hang undisturbed. Belgium! name unromantic and unpoetic, yet name that whenever uttered has in my ear a sound, in my heart an echo, such as no other assemblage of syllables, however sweet or classic, can produce. Belgium! I repeat the word, now as I sit alone near midnight. It stirs my world of the past like a summons to resurrection; the graves unclose, the dead are raised; thoughts, feelings, memories that slept, are seen by me ascending from the clods—haloed most of them—but while I gaze on their vapoury forms, and strive to ascertain definitely their outline, the sound which wakened them dies, and they sink, each and all, like a light wreath of mist, absorbed in the mould, recalled to urns, resealed in monuments. Farewell, luminous phantoms!

Third, Belgium; and I will take a moment to reflect on this landscape. As for the fourth, it’s covered by a curtain that I might pull back later, or maybe I won’t, depending on what I feel like and what I can manage. For now, it has to stay undisturbed. Belgium! A name that lacks romance and poetry, yet whenever I hear it, it resonates in my ears and echoes in my heart like no other combination of sounds can, no matter how sweet or classic. Belgium! I say the word again as I sit alone near midnight. It stirs up my past like a call to rise again; graves open, the dead are brought back to life; thoughts, feelings, and memories that were dormant are seen emerging from the earth—most of them glowing—but as I try to focus on their hazy shapes, the sound that awakened them fades away, and they sink down, one and all, like a light mist, absorbed back into the soil, returned to urns, sealed again in monuments. Goodbye, radiant phantoms!

This is Belgium, reader. Look! don’t call the picture a flat or a dull one—it was neither flat nor dull to me when I first beheld it. When I left Ostend on a mild February morning, and found myself on the road to Brussels, nothing could look vapid to me. My sense of enjoyment possessed an edge whetted to the finest, untouched, keen, exquisite. I was young; I had good health; pleasure and I had never met; no indulgence of hers had enervated or sated one faculty of my nature. Liberty I clasped in my arms for the first time, and the influence of her smile and embrace revived my life like the sun and the west wind. Yes, at that epoch I felt like a morning traveller who doubts not that from the hill he is ascending he shall behold a glorious sunrise; what if the track be strait, steep, and stony? he sees it not; his eyes are fixed on that summit, flushed already, flushed and gilded, and having gained it he is certain of the scene beyond. He knows that the sun will face him, that his chariot is even now coming over the eastern horizon, and that the herald breeze he feels on his cheek is opening for the god’s career a clear, vast path of azure, amidst clouds soft as pearl and warm as flame. Difficulty and toil were to be my lot, but sustained by energy, drawn on by hopes as bright as vague, I deemed such a lot no hardship. I mounted now the hill in shade; there were pebbles, inequalities, briars in my path, but my eyes were fixed on the crimson peak above; my imagination was with the refulgent firmament beyond, and I thought nothing of the stones turning under my feet, or of the thorns scratching my face and hands.

This is Belgium, reader. Look! Don’t call the picture flat or dull—it was neither flat nor dull to me when I first saw it. When I left Ostend on a mild February morning and found myself on the road to Brussels, nothing could seem bland to me. My sense of enjoyment was razor-sharp, untouched, and exquisite. I was young; I had good health; pleasure and I had never crossed paths; no indulgence of hers had drained or satisfied any part of my nature. I embraced freedom for the first time, and the warmth of its smile and embrace rejuvenated my spirit like the sun and the west wind. Yes, at that time I felt like a morning traveler who is sure that from the hill he is climbing, he will witness a glorious sunrise; what if the path is straight, steep, and rocky? He doesn’t see it; his eyes are glued to that peak, already glowing and golden, and once he reaches it, he is certain of the view beyond. He knows that the sun will greet him, that his ride is just emerging over the eastern horizon, and that the refreshing breeze on his cheek is clearing a vast path of blue for the sun's ascent, among clouds soft as pearls and warm as fire. Challenges and hard work were ahead of me, but fueled by energy and driven by hopes that were as bright as they were uncertain, I saw such a fate as no burden at all. I climbed the shaded hill; there were pebbles, bumps, and thorns in my way, but my gaze was fixed on the crimson peak above; my imagination soared with the brilliant sky beyond, and I thought nothing of the stones shifting beneath my feet or the thorns scratching my face and hands.

I gazed often, and always with delight, from the window of the diligence (these, be it remembered, were not the days of trains and railroads). Well! and what did I see? I will tell you faithfully. Green, reedy swamps; fields fertile but flat, cultivated in patches that made them look like magnified kitchen-gardens; belts of cut trees, formal as pollard willows, skirting the horizon; narrow canals, gliding slow by the road-side; painted Flemish farmhouses; some very dirty hovels; a gray, dead sky; wet road, wet fields, wet house-tops: not a beautiful, scarcely a picturesque object met my eye along the whole route; yet to me, all was beautiful, all was more than picturesque. It continued fair so long as daylight lasted, though the moisture of many preceding damp days had sodden the whole country; as it grew dark, however, the rain recommenced, and it was through streaming and starless darkness my eye caught the first gleam of the lights of Brussels. I saw little of the city but its lights that night. Having alighted from the diligence, a fiacre conveyed me to the Hotel de ——, where I had been advised by a fellow-traveller to put up; having eaten a traveller’s supper, I retired to bed, and slept a traveller’s sleep.

I often gazed out, always with delight, from the window of the stagecoach (remember, this was before the days of trains and railroads). So, what did I see? I'll tell you honestly. Green, marshy swamps; fields that were fertile but flat, cultivated in patches that made them look like giant kitchen gardens; neat rows of trimmed trees, as formal as pollard willows, lining the horizon; narrow canals slowly gliding by the roadside; colorful Flemish farmhouses; some very shabby huts; a gray, lifeless sky; wet roads, wet fields, wet rooftops: not a beautiful, hardly even a picturesque sight met my eyes along the whole route; yet for me, everything was beautiful, more than picturesque. It stayed nice as long as there was daylight, even though previous damp days had soaked the entire region; however, as it got dark, the rain started up again, and it was through the streaming, starless darkness that I caught my first glimpse of the lights of Brussels. That night, I saw little of the city except for its lights. After getting off the stagecoach, a cab took me to the Hotel de —, where a fellow traveler had recommended I stay; after having a traveler’s supper, I went to bed and enjoyed a traveler’s sleep.

Next morning I awoke from prolonged and sound repose with the impression that I was yet in X——, and perceiving it to be broad daylight I started up, imagining that I had overslept myself and should be behind time at the counting-house. The momentary and painful sense of restraint vanished before the revived and reviving consciousness of freedom, as, throwing back the white curtains of my bed, I looked forth into a wide, lofty foreign chamber; how different from the small and dingy, though not uncomfortable, apartment I had occupied for a night or two at a respectable inn in London while waiting for the sailing of the packet! Yet far be it from me to profane the memory of that little dingy room! It, too, is dear to my soul; for there, as I lay in quiet and darkness, I first heard the great bell of St. Paul’s telling London it was midnight, and well do I recall the deep, deliberate tones, so full charged with colossal phlegm and force. From the small, narrow window of that room, I first saw the dome, looming through a London mist. I suppose the sensations, stirred by those first sounds, first sights, are felt but once; treasure them, Memory; seal them in urns, and keep them in safe niches! Well—I rose. Travellers talk of the apartments in foreign dwellings being bare and uncomfortable; I thought my chamber looked stately and cheerful. It had such large windows—croisées that opened like doors, with such broad, clear panes of glass; such a great looking-glass stood on my dressing-table—such a fine mirror glittered over the mantelpiece—the painted floor looked so clean and glossy; when I had dressed and was descending the stairs, the broad marble steps almost awed me, and so did the lofty hall into which they conducted. On the first landing I met a Flemish housemaid: she had wooden shoes, a short red petticoat, a printed cotton bedgown, her face was broad, her physiognomy eminently stupid; when I spoke to her in French, she answered me in Flemish, with an air the reverse of civil; yet I thought her charming; if she was not pretty or polite, she was, I conceived, very picturesque; she reminded me of the female figures in certain Dutch paintings I had seen in other years at Seacombe Hall.

The next morning, I woke up from a deep and restful sleep with the feeling that I was still in X——. Realizing it was broad daylight, I jumped up, thinking I had overslept and would be late for work at the counting-house. That fleeting, uncomfortable sense of being trapped faded away as I regained my awareness of freedom. I threw back the white curtains of my bed and looked out into a spacious, high foreign room—so different from the small and dingy, though not uncomfortable, space I had occupied for a night or two at a respectable inn in London while waiting for the packet to set sail! But let me not tarnish the memory of that little dingy room! It, too, holds a special place in my heart; there, as I lay in quiet darkness, I first heard the great bell of St. Paul’s tolling midnight in London, and I vividly remember those deep, deliberate tones, so heavy with profound gravity and strength. From the small, narrow window of that room, I first glimpsed the dome, rising through a misty London sky. I suppose the feelings stirred by those initial sounds and sights only happen once; treasure them, Memory; seal them in urns, and keep them in safe corners! Well—I got up. Travelers often say that rooms in foreign places are bare and uncomfortable; I found my room to be grand and bright. It had such large windows—croisées that opened like doors, with wide, clear panes of glass; there was a big mirror on my dressing table—another exquisite mirror glittered over the mantelpiece—the painted floor looked so clean and shiny. As I got dressed and went down the stairs, the broad marble steps nearly intimidated me, as did the grand hall they led into. On the first landing, I met a Flemish maid: she wore wooden shoes, a short red petticoat, and a printed cotton bedgown; her face was broad, and her features were quite dull. When I spoke to her in French, she responded in Flemish, with an attitude that was anything but polite; yet I found her charming. Even if she wasn’t pretty or courteous, I thought she was quite picturesque; she reminded me of the female figures in certain Dutch paintings I had seen years ago at Seacombe Hall.

I repaired to the public room; that, too, was very large and very lofty, and warmed by a stove; the floor was black, and the stove was black, and most of the furniture was black: yet I never experienced a freer sense of exhilaration than when I sat down at a very long, black table (covered, however, in part by a white cloth), and, having ordered breakfast, began to pour out my coffee from a little black coffee-pot. The stove might be dismal-looking to some eyes, not to mine, but it was indisputably very warm, and there were two gentlemen seated by it talking in French; impossible to follow their rapid utterance, or comprehend much of the purport of what they said—yet French, in the mouths of Frenchmen, or Belgians (I was not then sensible of the horrors of the Belgian accent) was as music to my ears. One of these gentlemen presently discerned me to be an Englishman—no doubt from the fashion in which I addressed the waiter; for I would persist in speaking French in my execrable South-of-England style, though the man understood English. The gentleman, after looking towards me once or twice, politely accosted me in very good English; I remember I wished to God that I could speak French as well; his fluency and correct pronunciation impressed me for the first time with a due notion of the cosmopolitan character of the capital I was in; it was my first experience of that skill in living languages I afterwards found to be so general in Brussels.

I went to the public room, which was really big and high, heated by a stove. The floor was black, the stove was black, and most of the furniture was black too. Yet, I had never felt such a sense of freedom and excitement as when I sat down at a long black table (partly covered by a white cloth) and ordered breakfast, starting to pour my coffee from a small black coffee pot. The stove might have seemed gloomy to some, but not to me; it was undeniably warm. There were two gentlemen sitting by it, chatting in French. I couldn’t keep up with their quick conversation or grasp much of what they said—yet French spoken by Frenchmen or Belgians (I wasn’t yet aware of the challenges of the Belgian accent) sounded lovely to me. One of these gentlemen soon realized I was English—most likely from how I spoke to the waiter; I insisted on speaking French in my awful South-of-England accent, even though the waiter understood English. After glancing my way a couple of times, the gentleman politely spoke to me in excellent English. I remember wishing I could speak French as well; his fluency and correct accent made me realize for the first time the cosmopolitan vibe of the capital I was in. It was my first taste of that talent for languages that I later discovered was so common in Brussels.

I lingered over my breakfast as long as I could; while it was there on the table, and while that stranger continued talking to me, I was a free, independent traveller; but at last the things were removed, the two gentlemen left the room; suddenly the illusion ceased, reality and business came back. I, a bondsman just released from the yoke, freed for one week from twenty-one years of constraint, must, of necessity, resume the fetters of dependency. Hardly had I tasted the delight of being without a master when duty issued her stern mandate: “Go forth and seek another service.” I never linger over a painful and necessary task; I never take pleasure before business, it is not in my nature to do so; impossible to enjoy a leisurely walk over the city, though I perceived the morning was very fine, until I had first presented Mr. Hunsden’s letter of introduction, and got fairly on to the track of a new situation. Wrenching my mind from liberty and delight, I seized my hat, and forced my reluctant body out of the Hotel de —— into the foreign street.

I took my time with breakfast as much as I could; as long as it was on the table and that stranger kept talking to me, I felt like a free, independent traveler. But eventually, they cleared the table, and the two gentlemen left the room; just like that, the illusion disappeared, and reality and responsibilities returned. I, a servant just freed from my burdens, released for one week from twenty-one years of constraint, had to go back to being dependent. Hardly had I enjoyed the freedom of being without a master than duty gave me a stern order: “Go out and find another job.” I never drag my feet over a difficult but necessary task; I never prioritize pleasure over work; it’s just not in my nature. I can't enjoy a leisurely stroll around the city, even though the morning looked beautiful, until I first delivered Mr. Hunsden’s letter of introduction and started looking for a new job. Pulling my mind away from freedom and joy, I grabbed my hat and pushed my reluctant self out of the Hotel de —— into the unfamiliar street.

It was a fine day, but I would not look at the blue sky or at the stately houses round me; my mind was bent on one thing, finding out “Mr. Brown, Numero —, Rue Royale,” for so my letter was addressed. By dint of inquiry I succeeded; I stood at last at the desired door, knocked, asked for Mr. Brown, and was admitted.

It was a nice day, but I wouldn’t look at the blue sky or the impressive houses around me; my mind was focused on one thing: finding “Mr. Brown, Number —, Rue Royale,” as my letter was addressed. After some inquiries, I finally succeeded; I stood at the door I wanted, knocked, asked for Mr. Brown, and was let in.

Being shown into a small breakfast-room, I found myself in the presence of an elderly gentleman—very grave, business-like, and respectable-looking. I presented Mr. Hunsden’s letter; he received me very civilly. After a little desultory conversation he asked me if there was anything in which his advice or experience could be of use. I said, “Yes,” and then proceeded to tell him that I was not a gentleman of fortune, travelling for pleasure, but an ex-counting-house clerk, who wanted employment of some kind, and that immediately too. He replied that as a friend of Mr. Hunsden’s he would be willing to assist me as well as he could. After some meditation he named a place in a mercantile house at Liege, and another in a bookseller’s shop at Louvain.

Being led into a small breakfast room, I found myself facing an older gentleman—very serious, professional, and looking respectable. I presented Mr. Hunsden’s letter, and he welcomed me politely. After a bit of casual conversation, he asked if there was anything he could help me with using his advice or experience. I said, “Yes,” and explained that I wasn’t a wealthy gentleman traveling for leisure, but an ex-clerk from a counting house who was looking for a job, and urgently. He replied that, as a friend of Mr. Hunsden's, he would be happy to assist me as best as he could. After some thought, he mentioned a position at a trading company in Liege and another at a bookstore in Louvain.

“Clerk and shopman!” murmured I to myself. “No.” I shook my head. I had tried the high stool; I hated it; I believed there were other occupations that would suit me better; besides I did not wish to leave Brussels.

“Clerk and shop assistant!” I whispered to myself. “No.” I shook my head. I had tried the high stool; I hated it; I thought there were other jobs that would fit me better; plus, I didn’t want to leave Brussels.

“I know of no place in Brussels,” answered Mr. Brown, “unless indeed you were disposed to turn your attention to teaching. I am acquainted with the director of a large establishment who is in want of a professor of English and Latin.”

“I don’t know of anywhere in Brussels,” Mr. Brown replied, “unless you’re interested in teaching. I know the director of a big school who is looking for a professor of English and Latin.”

I thought two minutes, then I seized the idea eagerly.

I thought for two minutes, then I eagerly grabbed the idea.

“The very thing, sir!” said I.

“The very thing, sir!” I said.

“But,” asked he, “do you understand French well enough to teach Belgian boys English?”

“But,” he asked, “do you understand French well enough to teach Belgian boys English?”

Fortunately I could answer this question in the affirmative; having studied French under a Frenchman, I could speak the language intelligibly though not fluently. I could also read it well, and write it decently.

Fortunately, I could answer this question with a yes; having studied French with a native speaker, I could speak the language clearly, though not fluently. I could also read it well and write it decently.

“Then,” pursued Mr. Brown, “I think I can promise you the place, for Monsieur Pelet will not refuse a professor recommended by me; but come here again at five o’clock this afternoon, and I will introduce you to him.”

“Then,” continued Mr. Brown, “I think I can promise you the position, because Monsieur Pelet won’t turn down a professor I recommend; but come back here at five o’clock this afternoon, and I’ll introduce you to him.”

The word “professor” struck me. “I am not a professor,” said I.

The word “professor” caught my attention. “I’m not a professor,” I said.

“Oh,” returned Mr. Brown, “professor, here in Belgium, means a teacher, that is all.”

“Oh,” replied Mr. Brown, “here in Belgium, 'professor' just means a teacher, that's all.”

My conscience thus quieted, I thanked Mr. Brown, and, for the present, withdrew. This time I stepped out into the street with a relieved heart; the task I had imposed on myself for that day was executed. I might now take some hours of holiday. I felt free to look up. For the first time I remarked the sparkling clearness of the air, the deep blue of the sky, the gay clean aspect of the white-washed or painted houses; I saw what a fine street was the Rue Royale, and, walking leisurely along its broad pavement, I continued to survey its stately hotels, till the palisades, the gates, and trees of the park appearing in sight, offered to my eye a new attraction. I remember, before entering the park, I stood awhile to contemplate the statue of General Belliard, and then I advanced to the top of the great staircase just beyond, and I looked down into a narrow back street, which I afterwards learnt was called the Rue d’Isabelle. I well recollect that my eye rested on the green door of a rather large house opposite, where, on a brass plate, was inscribed, “Pensionnat de Demoiselles.” Pensionnat! The word excited an uneasy sensation in my mind; it seemed to speak of restraint. Some of the demoiselles, externats no doubt, were at that moment issuing from the door—I looked for a pretty face amongst them, but their close, little French bonnets hid their features; in a moment they were gone.

With my conscience settled, I thanked Mr. Brown and stepped outside for the moment. This time, I walked into the street feeling relieved; the task I had set for myself that day was done. I could finally take a few hours off. I felt free to look up. For the first time, I noticed the clarity of the air, the deep blue of the sky, and the bright, clean look of the whitewashed or painted houses; I saw how lovely Rue Royale was, and as I strolled along its wide pavement, I admired its grand hotels. Soon, I spotted the park’s fences, gates, and trees, which drew my attention. I remember pausing before entering the park to admire the statue of General Belliard, and then I walked up the grand staircase just beyond, looking down into a narrow side street that I later found out was called Rue d’Isabelle. I clearly remember my gaze landing on the green door of a rather large house across the way, where a brass plaque read, “Pensionnat de Demoiselles.” Pensionnat! The word stirred an uneasy feeling in me; it seemed to imply confinement. Some of the girls, probably externs, were coming out of the door at that moment—I searched for a pretty face among them, but their tight little French bonnets covered their features; in an instant, they were gone.

I had traversed a good deal of Brussels before five o’clock arrived, but punctually as that hour struck I was again in the Rue Royale. Re-admitted to Mr. Brown’s breakfast-room, I found him, as before, seated at the table, and he was not alone—a gentleman stood by the hearth. Two words of introduction designated him as my future master. “M. Pelet, Mr. Crimsworth; Mr. Crimsworth, M. Pelet,” a bow on each side finished the ceremony. I don’t know what sort of a bow I made; an ordinary one, I suppose, for I was in a tranquil, commonplace frame of mind; I felt none of the agitation which had troubled my first interview with Edward Crimsworth. M. Pelet’s bow was extremely polite, yet not theatrical, scarcely French; he and I were presently seated opposite to each other. In a pleasing voice, low, and, out of consideration to my foreign ears, very distinct and deliberate, M. Pelet intimated that he had just been receiving from “le respectable M. Brown,” an account of my attainments and character, which relieved him from all scruple as to the propriety of engaging me as professor of English and Latin in his establishment; nevertheless, for form’s sake, he would put a few questions to test my powers. He did, and expressed in flattering terms his satisfaction at my answers. The subject of salary next came on; it was fixed at one thousand francs per annum, besides board and lodging. “And in addition,” suggested M. Pelet, “as there will be some hours in each day during which your services will not be required in my establishment, you may, in time, obtain employment in other seminaries, and thus turn your vacant moments to profitable account.”

I had walked around Brussels quite a bit before five o'clock, but right as the hour struck, I was back on Rue Royale. When I entered Mr. Brown's breakfast room again, I found him at the table as before, and he wasn't alone—there was a gentleman by the fireplace. Two words of introduction introduced him as my future boss. “M. Pelet, Mr. Crimsworth; Mr. Crimsworth, M. Pelet,” and a bow from each of us completed the introduction. I’m not sure what kind of bow I made; probably just a regular one, since I was calm and in a normal state of mind, unlike the nervousness I felt during my first meeting with Edward Crimsworth. M. Pelet’s bow was very polite, yet not overly dramatic, hardly French; soon, he and I were sitting across from each other. In a pleasant voice, low and clear for my foreign ears, M. Pelet mentioned that he had just received a report from "the respectable M. Brown" about my skills and character, which eased any concerns he had about hiring me as a professor of English and Latin at his school; however, for the sake of formality, he would ask me a few questions to assess my abilities. He did so and complimented me on my responses. Then we discussed salary; it was set at one thousand francs a year, plus room and board. “And additionally,” M. Pelet suggested, “since there will be some hours in each day when your services won’t be needed at my school, you might, over time, find work at other schools and thus make good use of your free time.”

I thought this very kind, and indeed I found afterwards that the terms on which M. Pelet had engaged me were really liberal for Brussels; instruction being extremely cheap there on account of the number of teachers. It was further arranged that I should be installed in my new post the very next day, after which M. Pelet and I parted.

I thought this was very kind, and later I realized that the terms M. Pelet had offered me were actually generous for Brussels; education was very cheap there because of the many teachers. It was also arranged that I would start my new job the very next day, after which M. Pelet and I said our goodbyes.

Well, and what was he like? and what were my impressions concerning him? He was a man of about forty years of age, of middle size, and rather emaciated figure; his face was pale, his cheeks were sunk, and his eyes hollow; his features were pleasing and regular, they had a French turn (for M. Pelet was no Fleming, but a Frenchman both by birth and parentage), yet the degree of harshness inseparable from Gallic lineaments was, in his case, softened by a mild blue eye, and a melancholy, almost suffering, expression of countenance; his physiognomy was “fine et spirituelle.” I use two French words because they define better than any English terms the species of intelligence with which his features were imbued. He was altogether an interesting and prepossessing personage. I wondered only at the utter absence of all the ordinary characteristics of his profession, and almost feared he could not be stern and resolute enough for a schoolmaster. Externally at least M. Pelet presented an absolute contrast to my late master, Edward Crimsworth.

Well, what was he like? What were my impressions of him? He was a man around forty years old, of average height, and quite thin; his face was pale, his cheeks were sunken, and his eyes were hollow. His features were attractive and well-defined, with a French quality (since M. Pelet was not Flemish, but French by birth and heritage), yet the harshness typically associated with French features was softened in his case by gentle blue eyes and a melancholic, almost pained expression. His face had a "fine et spirituelle" quality. I use these two French words because they better capture the kind of intelligence reflected in his features than any English terms could. He was overall an interesting and engaging person. I only wondered at the complete lack of the usual characteristics of his profession, and I almost feared he might not be strict and resolute enough to be a schoolmaster. On the surface, at least, M. Pelet was a complete contrast to my former master, Edward Crimsworth.

Influenced by the impression I had received of his gentleness, I was a good deal surprised when, on arriving the next day at my new employer’s house, and being admitted to a first view of what was to be the sphere of my future labours, namely the large, lofty, and well-lighted schoolrooms, I beheld a numerous assemblage of pupils, boys of course, whose collective appearance showed all the signs of a full, flourishing, and well-disciplined seminary. As I traversed the classes in company with M. Pelet, a profound silence reigned on all sides, and if by chance a murmur or a whisper arose, one glance from the pensive eye of this most gentle pedagogue stilled it instantly. It was astonishing, I thought, how so mild a check could prove so effectual. When I had perambulated the length and breadth of the classes, M. Pelet turned and said to me—

Influenced by the impression I had of his kindness, I was quite surprised when, the next day, I arrived at my new employer's house and got my first look at what was going to be my work environment—the large, tall, and well-lit classrooms. I saw a big group of students, all boys, whose appearance showed clear signs of being part of a thriving, well-organized school. As I walked through the classrooms with M. Pelet, a deep silence filled the air, and if a murmur or whisper happened, one look from the thoughtful gaze of this gentle teacher silenced it immediately. I found it remarkable how such a mild correction could be so effective. After I had walked around the classrooms, M. Pelet turned to me and said—

“Would you object to taking the boys as they are, and testing their proficiency in English?”

“Would you mind taking the boys as they are and testing their English skills?”

The proposal was unexpected. I had thought I should have been allowed at least three days to prepare; but it is a bad omen to commence any career by hesitation, so I just stepped to the professor’s desk near which we stood, and faced the circle of my pupils. I took a moment to collect my thoughts, and likewise to frame in French the sentence by which I proposed to open business. I made it as short as possible:—

The proposal caught me off guard. I had assumed I would get at least three days to prepare; however, it’s not a good sign to start any career with hesitation, so I walked over to the professor’s desk where we were standing and faced my students. I took a moment to gather my thoughts and also to formulate in French the sentence I intended to use to start things off. I kept it as brief as I could:—

“Messieurs, prenez vos livres de lecture.”

“Gentlemen, take out your reading books.”

“Anglais ou Français, monsieur?” demanded a thickset, moon-faced young Flamand in a blouse. The answer was fortunately easy:—

“English or French, sir?” asked a stocky, moon-faced young Flemish man in a shirt. The answer was thankfully simple:—

“Anglais.”

"English."

I determined to give myself as little trouble as possible in this lesson; it would not do yet to trust my unpractised tongue with the delivery of explanations; my accent and idiom would be too open to the criticisms of the young gentlemen before me, relative to whom I felt already it would be necessary at once to take up an advantageous position, and I proceeded to employ means accordingly.

I decided to make this lesson as easy as possible for myself; it wasn’t the right time to risk my inexperienced speech with explanations; my accent and phrasing would be too vulnerable to the judgments of the young men in front of me, and I already felt I needed to take an advantageous position, so I went ahead and used strategies to do that.

“Commencez!” cried I, when they had all produced their books. The moon-faced youth (by name Jules Vanderkelkov, as I afterwards learnt) took the first sentence. The “livre de lecture” was the “Vicar of Wakefield,” much used in foreign schools because it is supposed to contain prime samples of conversational English; it might, however, have been a Runic scroll for any resemblance the words, as enunciated by Jules, bore to the language in ordinary use amongst the natives of Great Britain. My God! how he did snuffle, snort, and wheeze! All he said was said in his throat and nose, for it is thus the Flamands speak, but I heard him to the end of his paragraph without proffering a word of correction, whereat he looked vastly self-complacent, convinced, no doubt, that he had acquitted himself like a real born and bred “Anglais.” In the same unmoved silence I listened to a dozen in rotation, and when the twelfth had concluded with splutter, hiss, and mumble, I solemnly laid down the book.

“Start!” I said, when they all had their books out. The moon-faced guy (whose name was Jules Vanderkelkov, as I later found out) took the first sentence. The reading book was “The Vicar of Wakefield,” which is often used in foreign schools because it supposedly has great examples of conversational English; however, it might as well have been an ancient scroll for all the resemblance the words, as pronounced by Jules, had to the language actually spoken by the people of Great Britain. My God! How he snuffled, snorted, and wheezed! Everything he said came from his throat and nose, because that's how the Flamands speak, but I listened to him all the way to the end of his paragraph without offering any correction, which made him look incredibly self-satisfied, convinced, no doubt, that he had performed like a true, born-and-bred “Englishman.” I sat in the same unbothered silence and listened to a dozen others in turn, and when the twelfth finished with splutters, hisses, and mumbling, I seriously closed the book.

“Arrêtez!” said I. There was a pause, during which I regarded them all with a steady and somewhat stern gaze; a dog, if stared at hard enough and long enough, will show symptoms of embarrassment, and so at length did my bench of Belgians. Perceiving that some of the faces before me were beginning to look sullen, and others ashamed, I slowly joined my hands, and ejaculated in a deep “voix de poitrine”—

“Stop!” I said. There was a moment of silence, during which I looked at them all with a firm and somewhat serious expression; a dog, when stared at closely and for a long time, will show signs of embarrassment, and eventually, so did my group of Belgians. Noticing that some of the faces in front of me were starting to look gloomy, while others seemed embarrassed, I slowly brought my hands together and exclaimed in a deep voice—

“Comme c’est affreux!”

“How awful!”

They looked at each other, pouted, coloured, swung their heels; they were not pleased, I saw, but they were impressed, and in the way I wished them to be. Having thus taken them down a peg in their self-conceit, the next step was to raise myself in their estimation; not a very easy thing, considering that I hardly dared to speak for fear of betraying my own deficiencies.

They looked at each other, sulked, flushed, kicked their heels; they weren’t happy, I could tell, but they were impressed, and in the way I wanted them to be. After bringing them down a notch in their arrogance, the next step was to boost my own standing in their eyes; not an easy task, since I barely had the confidence to speak for fear of revealing my own shortcomings.

“Ecoutez, messieurs!” said I, and I endeavoured to throw into my accents the compassionate tone of a superior being, who, touched by the extremity of the helplessness, which at first only excited his scorn, deigns at length to bestow aid. I then began at the very beginning of the “Vicar of Wakefield,” and read, in a slow, distinct voice, some twenty pages, they all the while sitting mute and listening with fixed attention; by the time I had done nearly an hour had elapsed. I then rose and said:—

“Listen up, gentlemen!” I said, trying to infuse my voice with the compassionate tone of someone who, moved by the depth of helplessness that initially only made him feel contempt, finally decides to offer help. I then started from the very beginning of the “Vicar of Wakefield” and read, in a slow, clear voice, about twenty pages, while they sat quietly, listening intently; by the time I finished, nearly an hour had passed. I then stood up and said:—

“C’est assez pour aujourd’hui, messieurs; demain nous recommençerons, et j’espère que tout ira bien.”

“That's enough for today, gentlemen; we'll start again tomorrow, and I hope everything will go well.”

With this oracular sentence I bowed, and in company with M. Pelet quitted the school-room.

With that prophetic statement, I nodded and, along with M. Pelet, left the classroom.

“C’est bien! c’est très bien!” said my principal as we entered his parlour. “Je vois que monsieur a de l’adresse; cela, me plait, car, dans l’instruction, l’adresse fait tout autant que le savoir.”

“It's good! It's very good!” said my principal as we entered his office. “I see that you have skill; that pleases me because, in education, skill is just as important as knowledge.”

From the parlour M. Pelet conducted me to my apartment, my “chambre,” as Monsieur said with a certain air of complacency. It was a very small room, with an excessively small bed, but M. Pelet gave me to understand that I was to occupy it quite alone, which was of course a great comfort. Yet, though so limited in dimensions, it had two windows. Light not being taxed in Belgium, the people never grudge its admission into their houses; just here, however, this observation is not very apropos, for one of these windows was boarded up; the open windows looked into the boys’ playground. I glanced at the other, as wondering what aspect it would present if disencumbered of the boards. M. Pelet read, I suppose, the expression of my eye; he explained:—

From the parlor, M. Pelet led me to my room, my “chambre,” as Monsieur said with a bit of pride. It was a very small room, with an extremely small bed, but M. Pelet made it clear that I would be staying there all by myself, which was definitely a relief. Still, even though it was tiny, it had two windows. Since light isn’t taxed in Belgium, people don’t hesitate to let it into their homes; however, that's not really relevant here because one of these windows was boarded up. The open window overlooked the boys’ playground. I looked at the other window, curious about what it would look like if it were free of the boards. M. Pelet must have seen the question in my eyes; he explained:—

“La fenêtre fermée donne sur un jardin appartenant a un pensionnat de demoiselles,” said he, “et les convenances exigent—enfin, vous comprenez—n’est-ce pas, monsieur?”

“La fenêtre fermée donne sur un jardin appartenant à un pensionnat de demoiselles,” said he, “et les convenances exigent—enfin, vous comprenez—n’est-ce pas, monsieur?”

“Oui, oui,” was my reply, and I looked of course quite satisfied; but when M. Pelet had retired and closed the door after him, the first thing I did was to scrutinize closely the nailed boards, hoping to find some chink or crevice which I might enlarge, and so get a peep at the consecrated ground. My researches were vain, for the boards were well joined and strongly nailed. It is astonishing how disappointed I felt. I thought it would have been so pleasant to have looked out upon a garden planted with flowers and trees, so amusing to have watched the demoiselles at their play; to have studied female character in a variety of phases, myself the while sheltered from view by a modest muslin curtain, whereas, owing doubtless to the absurd scruples of some old duenna of a directress, I had now only the option of looking at a bare gravelled court, with an enormous “pas de geant” in the middle, and the monotonous walls and windows of a boys’ school-house round. Not only then, but many a time after, especially in moments of weariness and low spirits, did I look with dissatisfied eyes on that most tantalizing board, longing to tear it away and get a glimpse of the green region which I imagined to lie beyond. I knew a tree grew close up to the window, for though there were as yet no leaves to rustle, I often heard at night the tapping of branches against the panes. In the daytime, when I listened attentively, I could hear, even through the boards, the voices of the demoiselles in their hours of recreation, and, to speak the honest truth, my sentimental reflections were occasionally a trifle disarranged by the not quite silvery, in fact the too often brazen sounds, which, rising from the unseen paradise below, penetrated clamorously into my solitude. Not to mince matters, it really seemed to me a doubtful case whether the lungs of Mdlle. Reuter’s girls or those of M. Pelet’s boys were the strongest, and when it came to shrieking the girls indisputably beat the boys hollow. I forgot to say, by-the-by, that Reuter was the name of the old lady who had had my window bearded up. I say old, for such I, of course, concluded her to be, judging from her cautious, chaperon-like proceedings; besides, nobody ever spoke of her as young. I remember I was very much amused when I first heard her Christian name; it was Zoraïde—Mademoiselle Zoraïde Reuter. But the continental nations do allow themselves vagaries in the choice of names, such as we sober English never run into. I think, indeed, we have too limited a list to choose from.

“Yeah, yeah,” was my reply, and I obviously looked quite pleased; but once M. Pelet left and shut the door behind him, the first thing I did was to closely examine the nailed boards, hoping to find some gap or crack that I could enlarge to sneak a peek at the consecrated ground. My search was fruitless, as the boards were tightly fitted and securely nailed. It’s surprising how disappointed I felt. I thought it would have been so nice to look out onto a garden filled with flowers and trees, so entertaining to watch the girls at play; to study female behavior in different situations, all while being hidden from view by a modest muslin curtain. Instead, thanks to the ridiculous scruples of some old governess or director, I was left with the choice of staring at a bare gravel courtyard, featuring an enormous “pas de geant” in the center, surrounded by the dull walls and windows of a boys’ school. Not just then, but many times afterward, especially during moments of boredom and low spirits, I gazed longingly at that most frustrating board, wishing I could rip it away to see the green space I imagined was on the other side. I knew a tree grew right up to the window because, even though there were no leaves to rustle yet, I often heard the branches tapping against the panes at night. During the day, if I listened closely, I could even make out the voices of the girls playing outside, and honestly, my sentimental thoughts were sometimes disrupted by the not-so-sweet, usually obnoxious sounds that echoed up from the unseen paradise below, invading my solitude. To put it bluntly, it really seemed questionable whether the lungs of Mdlle. Reuter’s girls or those of M. Pelet’s boys were the stronger, and when it came to shrieking, the girls definitely outperformed the boys. I almost forgot to mention that Reuter was the name of the old lady who had my window boarded up. I call her old because, obviously, that’s how I imagined her, judging by her cautious, chaperone-like behavior; besides, nobody ever referred to her as young. I remember being quite amused when I first heard her first name; it was Zoraïde—Mademoiselle Zoraïde Reuter. But continental countries do get creative with names in a way that we sober English people never do. I think we actually have a pretty limited selection to choose from.

Meantime my path was gradually growing smooth before me. I, in a few weeks, conquered the teasing difficulties inseparable from the commencement of almost every career. Ere long I had acquired as much facility in speaking French as set me at my ease with my pupils; and as I had encountered them on a right footing at the very beginning, and continued tenaciously to retain the advantage I had early gained, they never attempted mutiny, which circumstance, all who are in any degree acquainted with the ongoings of Belgian schools, and who know the relation in which professors and pupils too frequently stand towards each other in those establishments, will consider an important and uncommon one. Before concluding this chapter I will say a word on the system I pursued with regard to my classes: my experience may possibly be of use to others.

Meanwhile, my path was gradually becoming clearer. In just a few weeks, I overcame the annoying challenges that come with starting almost any career. Soon, I had gained enough confidence in speaking French to feel comfortable with my students; since I had established a solid ground with them from the very start, and persistently maintained that advantage, they never tried to rebel. This is something anyone familiar with the dynamics of Belgian schools, and who understands the often tense relationship between teachers and students in those institutions, would recognize as significant and unusual. Before I wrap up this chapter, I want to share my approach to managing my classes: my experiences might be helpful to others.

It did not require very keen observation to detect the character of the youth of Brabant, but it needed a certain degree of tact to adopt one’s measures to their capacity. Their intellectual faculties were generally weak, their animal propensities strong; thus there was at once an impotence and a kind of inert force in their natures; they were dull, but they were also singularly stubborn, heavy as lead and, like lead, most difficult to move. Such being the case, it would have been truly absurd to exact from them much in the way of mental exertion; having short memories, dense intelligence, feeble reflective powers, they recoiled with repugnance from any occupation that demanded close study or deep thought. Had the abhorred effort been extorted from them by injudicious and arbitrary measures on the part of the Professor, they would have resisted as obstinately, as clamorously, as desperate swine; and though not brave singly, they were relentless acting en masse.

It didn't take a sharp eye to see the nature of the youth from Brabant, but it did require some skill to tailor one's approach to their abilities. Their thinking was usually weak, but their instincts were strong; this created both a lack of power and a kind of passive force in their personalities. They were dull, yet remarkably stubborn, heavy as lead and, like lead, very hard to budge. Given this, it would have been completely ridiculous to expect much mental effort from them; with short memories, limited intelligence, and weak reflective skills, they were averse to any task that required intense study or deep thinking. If the Professor had forced them to put in that hated effort through unwise and harsh methods, they would have resisted just as fiercely and noisily as desperate pigs; and although they weren't brave individually, they were unstoppable when acting en masse.

I understood that before my arrival in M. Pelet’s establishment, the combined insubordination of the pupils had effected the dismissal of more than one English master. It was necessary then to exact only the most moderate application from natures so little qualified to apply—to assist, in every practicable way, understandings so opaque and contracted—to be ever gentle, considerate, yielding even, to a certain point, with dispositions so irrationally perverse; but, having reached that culminating point of indulgence, you must fix your foot, plant it, root it in rock—become immutable as the towers of Ste. Gudule; for a step—but half a step farther, and you would plunge headlong into the gulf of imbecility; there lodged, you would speedily receive proofs of Flemish gratitude and magnanimity in showers of Brabant saliva and handfuls of Low Country mud. You might smooth to the utmost the path of learning, remove every pebble from the track; but then you must finally insist with decision on the pupil taking your arm and allowing himself to be led quietly along the prepared road. When I had brought down my lesson to the lowest level of my dullest pupil’s capacity—when I had shown myself the mildest, the most tolerant of masters—a word of impertinence, a movement of disobedience, changed me at once into a despot. I offered then but one alternative—submission and acknowledgment of error, or ignominious expulsion. This system answered, and my influence, by degrees, became established on a firm basis. “The boy is father to the man,” it is said; and so I often thought when I looked at my boys and remembered the political history of their ancestors. Pelet’s school was merely an epitome of the Belgian nation.

I realized that before I started at M. Pelet’s school, the students' combined defiance had led to the firing of more than one English teacher. It was essential to only demand a moderate effort from students who were not very capable of applying themselves—to provide support in any way possible for minds that were slow and narrow—to always be gentle, understanding, and even somewhat lenient with attitudes that were frustratingly difficult. However, once you reached your limit of patience, you had to stand firm, establish your authority, and be as unyielding as the towers of Ste. Gudule; because one step—just half a step further, and you could fall into the abyss of incompetence; once there, you would quickly be met with expressions of Belgian gratitude in the form of spit and mud. You could clear the learning path of every obstacle, but you had to insist that the student take your arm and be guided along this prepared route. Once I dumbed down my lesson to suit my least capable student—once I demonstrated that I was the kindest, most tolerant teacher—a single act of disrespect or disobedience would turn me into a tyrant. At that point, I offered one choice—submission and admission of fault, or disgraceful expulsion. This approach worked, and gradually, my influence was established on solid ground. "The boy is father to the man,” they say; and I often thought of that when I looked at my students and reflected on their ancestors’ political history. Pelet’s school was just a microcosm of the Belgian nation.

CHAPTER VIII.

AND Pelet himself? How did I continue to like him? Oh, extremely well! Nothing could be more smooth, gentlemanlike, and even friendly, than his demeanour to me. I had to endure from him neither cold neglect, irritating interference, nor pretentious assumption of superiority. I fear, however, two poor, hard-worked Belgian ushers in the establishment could not have said as much; to them the director’s manner was invariably dry, stern, and cool. I believe he perceived once or twice that I was a little shocked at the difference he made between them and me, and accounted for it by saying, with a quiet sarcastic smile—

AND Pelet himself? How did I still like him? Oh, really well! Nothing about his behavior toward me could be smoother, more gentlemanly, or even friendlier. I didn’t have to deal with cold neglect, annoying interference, or any pretentious sense of superiority from him. However, I worry that two overworked Belgian ushers in the establishment couldn’t say the same; to them, the director was always dry, stern, and distant. I think he noticed once or twice that I was a bit taken aback by the difference he made between them and me and explained it with a quiet sarcastic smile—

“Ce ne sont que des Flamands—allez!”

“It's just the Flemish—c'mon!”

And then he took his cigar gently from his lips and spat on the painted floor of the room in which we were sitting. Flamands certainly they were, and both had the true Flamand physiognomy, where intellectual inferiority is marked in lines none can mistake; still they were men, and, in the main, honest men; and I could not see why their being aboriginals of the flat, dull soil should serve as a pretext for treating them with perpetual severity and contempt. This idea of injustice somewhat poisoned the pleasure I might otherwise have derived from Pelet’s soft affable manner to myself. Certainly it was agreeable, when the day’s work was over, to find one’s employer an intelligent and cheerful companion; and if he was sometimes a little sarcastic and sometimes a little too insinuating, and if I did discover that his mildness was more a matter of appearance than of reality—if I did occasionally suspect the existence of flint or steel under an external covering of velvet—still we are none of us perfect; and weary as I was of the atmosphere of brutality and insolence in which I had constantly lived at X——, I had no inclination now, on casting anchor in calmer regions, to institute at once a prying search after defects that were scrupulously withdrawn and carefully veiled from my view. I was willing to take Pelet for what he seemed—to believe him benevolent and friendly until some untoward event should prove him otherwise. He was not married, and I soon perceived he had all a Frenchman’s, all a Parisian’s notions about matrimony and women. I suspected a degree of laxity in his code of morals, there was something so cold and blasé in his tone whenever he alluded to what he called “le beau sexe;” but he was too gentlemanlike to intrude topics I did not invite, and as he was really intelligent and really fond of intellectual subjects of discourse, he and I always found enough to talk about, without seeking themes in the mire. I hated his fashion of mentioning love; I abhorred, from my soul, mere licentiousness. He felt the difference of our notions, and, by mutual consent, we kept off ground debateable.

And then he gently took his cigar from his lips and spat on the painted floor of the room we were sitting in. They were definitely Flamands, and both had the typical Flamand look, where you could see signs of intellectual inferiority; still, they were men, and mostly honest men. I couldn’t understand why their being from the flat, dull soil should be used as an excuse to treat them with constant harshness and contempt. This sense of injustice slightly spoiled the enjoyment I might have had from Pelet’s easygoing and friendly manner. It was certainly nice, after a long day’s work, to find my employer was an intelligent and cheerful companion. Even if he was sometimes a bit sarcastic and a bit too smooth, and if I occasionally sensed that his kindness was more about appearances than reality—that there might be some flint or steel hidden beneath his soft exterior—none of us are perfect. And after living in the atmosphere of cruelty and arrogance at X——, I didn’t want to immediately start scrutinizing flaws that were carefully hidden from me now that I was in a calmer place. I was willing to accept Pelet as he seemed—to believe he was kind and friendly until something unexpected showed otherwise. He wasn’t married, and I quickly noticed he had all the typical French, all the Parisian ideas about marriage and women. I suspected he had a loose moral code; there was something so cold and jaded in his tone whenever he talked about what he called “le beau sexe.” Still, he was too much of a gentleman to bring up topics I didn’t want to discuss, and since he was genuinely intelligent and genuinely enjoyed intellectual conversations, we always found plenty to talk about without having to dive into the muck. I disliked the way he talked about love; I truly loathed mere promiscuity. He sensed the difference in our views, and by mutual agreement, we stayed away from touchy subjects.

Pelet’s house was kept and his kitchen managed by his mother, a real old Frenchwoman; she had been handsome—at least she told me so, and I strove to believe her; she was now ugly, as only continental old women can be; perhaps, though, her style of dress made her look uglier than she really was. Indoors she would go about without cap, her grey hair strangely dishevelled; then, when at home, she seldom wore a gown—only a shabby cotton camisole; shoes, too, were strangers to her feet, and in lieu of them she sported roomy slippers, trodden down at the heels. On the other hand, whenever it was her pleasure to appear abroad, as on Sundays and fête-days, she would put on some very brilliant-coloured dress, usually of thin texture, a silk bonnet with a wreath of flowers, and a very fine shawl. She was not, in the main, an ill-natured old woman, but an incessant and most indiscreet talker; she kept chiefly in and about the kitchen, and seemed rather to avoid her son’s august presence; of him, indeed, she evidently stood in awe. When he reproved her, his reproofs were bitter and unsparing; but he seldom gave himself that trouble.

Pelet’s house was taken care of and his kitchen was run by his mother, a true old Frenchwoman; she claimed she used to be beautiful—at least, that’s what she told me, and I tried to believe her; now she was ugly, in the way only old continental women can be; perhaps her choice of clothing made her seem uglier than she actually was. Indoors, she moved around without a cap, her gray hair looking oddly messy; at home, she rarely wore a gown—just a worn-out cotton camisole; shoes were also foreign to her feet, which were usually in large slippers that were flattened at the heels. However, whenever she felt like going out, like on Sundays and holidays, she would put on a very brightly colored dress, usually made of a light fabric, a silk bonnet decorated with a wreath of flowers, and an elegant shawl. Overall, she wasn't a mean old woman, just an incessant and very indiscreet talker; she mostly hung around the kitchen and seemed to avoid being in her son’s impressive presence; in truth, she clearly respected him. When he chastised her, his criticisms were sharp and unforgiving; but he rarely bothered to do so.

Madame Pelet had her own society, her own circle of chosen visitors, whom, however, I seldom saw, as she generally entertained them in what she called her “cabinet,” a small den of a place adjoining the kitchen, and descending into it by one or two steps. On these steps, by-the-by, I have not unfrequently seen Madame Pelet seated with a trencher on her knee, engaged in the threefold employment of eating her dinner, gossiping with her favourite servant, the housemaid, and scolding her antagonist, the cook; she never dined, and seldom indeed took any meal with her son; and as to showing her face at the boys’ table, that was quite out of the question. These details will sound very odd in English ears, but Belgium is not England, and its ways are not our ways.

Madame Pelet had her own social circle, a select group of visitors whom I rarely encountered, as she usually hosted them in what she referred to as her “cabinet,” a small room next to the kitchen, which you accessed by one or two steps. By the way, I often saw Madame Pelet sitting on these steps with a plate on her lap, juggling the tasks of having her dinner, chatting with her favorite servant, the housemaid, and scolding her rival, the cook; she never had dinner, and she rarely ate with her son. Showing her face at the boys’ table was completely out of the question. These details might sound very strange to English speakers, but Belgium is not England, and its customs are different from ours.

Madame Pelet’s habits of life, then, being taken into consideration, I was a good deal surprised when, one Thursday evening (Thursday was always a half-holiday), as I was sitting all alone in my apartment, correcting a huge pile of English and Latin exercises, a servant tapped at the door, and, on its being opened, presented Madame Pelet’s compliments, and she would be happy to see me to take my “goûter” (a meal which answers to our English “tea”) with her in the dining-room.

Considering Madame Pelet's usual routines, I was quite surprised when, one Thursday evening (Thursday was always a half-holiday), I was sitting alone in my apartment, going through a huge stack of English and Latin exercises, and a servant knocked on the door. When I opened it, the servant conveyed Madame Pelet’s regards and said she would be delighted if I joined her for “goûter” (a meal similar to our English “tea”) in the dining room.

“Plait-il?” said I, for I thought I must have misunderstood, the message and invitation were so unusual; the same words were repeated. I accepted, of course, and as I descended the stairs, I wondered what whim had entered the old lady’s brain; her son was out—gone to pass the evening at the Salle of the Grande Harmonie or some other club of which he was a member. Just as I laid my hand on the handle of the dining-room door, a queer idea glanced across my mind.

“Excuse me?” I said, since I thought I must have misheard; the invitation was so unexpected. The same words were repeated. I accepted, of course, and as I went down the stairs, I wondered what had gotten into the old lady’s head; her son was out—probably spending the evening at the Grande Harmonie Hall or some other club he belonged to. Just as I reached for the dining-room door handle, a strange thought crossed my mind.

“Surely she’s not going to make love to me,” said I. “I’ve heard of old Frenchwomen doing odd things in that line; and the goûter? They generally begin such affairs with eating and drinking, I believe.”

“Surely she’s not going to sleep with me,” I said. “I’ve heard about older French women doing strange things like that; and the goûter? They usually start these kinds of things with eating and drinking, I think.”

There was a fearful dismay in this suggestion of my excited imagination, and if I had allowed myself time to dwell upon it, I should no doubt have cut there and then, rushed back to my chamber, and bolted myself in; but whenever a danger or a horror is veiled with uncertainty, the primary wish of the mind is to ascertain first the naked truth, reserving the expedient of flight for the moment when its dread anticipation shall be realized. I turned the door-handle, and in an instant had crossed the fatal threshold, closed the door behind me, and stood in the presence of Madame Pelet.

There was a terrifying dread in this idea from my excited imagination, and if I had given myself time to think about it, I definitely would have cut and run back to my room and locked myself in; but whenever a danger or horror is cloaked in uncertainty, the first instinct of the mind is to find out the hard truth, saving the choice to flee for when its frightening anticipation becomes real. I turned the door handle, and in an instant, I had crossed the deadly threshold, closed the door behind me, and stood face to face with Madame Pelet.

Gracious heavens! The first view of her seemed to confirm my worst apprehensions. There she sat, dressed out in a light green muslin gown, on her head a lace cap with flourishing red roses in the frill; her table was carefully spread; there were fruit, cakes, and coffee, with a bottle of something—I did not know what. Already the cold sweat started on my brow, already I glanced back over my shoulder at the closed door, when, to my unspeakable relief, my eye, wandering mildly in the direction of the stove, rested upon a second figure, seated in a large fauteuil beside it. This was a woman, too, and, moreover, an old woman, and as fat and as rubicund as Madame Pelet was meagre and yellow; her attire was likewise very fine, and spring flowers of different hues circled in a bright wreath the crown of her violet-coloured velvet bonnet.

Oh my goodness! The first glimpse of her seemed to confirm my worst fears. There she was, wearing a light green muslin dress, with a lace cap adorned with vibrant red roses in the frill; her table was neatly set with fruit, cakes, and coffee, along with a bottle of something I couldn't identify. Already, a cold sweat began to form on my forehead, and I glanced back over my shoulder at the closed door when, to my immense relief, my gaze wandered lightly toward the stove and landed on a second figure seated in a large armchair beside it. This was also a woman, an older one, and as plump and rosy as Madame Pelet was thin and pale; her outfit was equally elegant, and a bright wreath of spring flowers in various colors decorated the crown of her violet velvet bonnet.

I had only time to make these general observations when Madame Pelet, coming forward with what she intended should be a graceful and elastic step, thus accosted me:

I barely had time to make these general observations when Madame Pelet, coming forward with what she meant to be a graceful and lively step, approached me:

“Monsieur is indeed most obliging to quit his books, his studies, at the request of an insignificant person like me—will Monsieur complete his kindness by allowing me to present him to my dear friend Madame Reuter, who resides in the neighbouring house—the young ladies’ school.”

“Monsieur is truly kind to set aside his books and studies at the request of someone as unimportant as me—would Monsieur be so kind as to let me introduce him to my dear friend Madame Reuter, who lives next door at the young ladies’ school?”

“Ah!” thought I, “I knew she was old,” and I bowed and took my seat. Madame Reuter placed herself at the table opposite to me.

“Ah!” I thought, “I knew she was old,” and I bowed and sat down. Madame Reuter sat down at the table across from me.

“How do you like Belgium, Monsieur?” asked she, in an accent of the broadest Bruxellois. I could now well distinguish the difference between the fine and pure Parisian utterance of M. Pelet, for instance, and the guttural enunciation of the Flamands. I answered politely, and then wondered how so coarse and clumsy an old woman as the one before me should be at the head of a ladies’ seminary, which I had always heard spoken of in terms of high commendation. In truth there was something to wonder at. Madame Reuter looked more like a joyous, free-living old Flemish fermière, or even a maîtresse d’auberge, than a staid, grave, rigid directrice de pensionnat. In general the continental, or at least the Belgian old women permit themselves a licence of manners, speech, and aspect, such as our venerable granddames would recoil from as absolutely disreputable, and Madame Reuter’s jolly face bore evidence that she was no exception to the rule of her country; there was a twinkle and leer in her left eye; her right she kept habitually half shut, which I thought very odd indeed. After several vain attempts to comprehend the motives of these two droll old creatures for inviting me to join them at their goûter, I at last fairly gave it up, and resigning myself to inevitable mystification, I sat and looked first at one, then at the other, taking care meantime to do justice to the confitures, cakes, and coffee, with which they amply supplied me. They, too, ate, and that with no delicate appetite, and having demolished a large portion of the solids, they proposed a “petit verre.” I declined. Not so Mesdames Pelet and Reuter; each mixed herself what I thought rather a stiff tumbler of punch, and placing it on a stand near the stove, they drew up their chairs to that convenience, and invited me to do the same. I obeyed; and being seated fairly between them, I was thus addressed first by Madame Pelet, then by Madame Reuter.

“How do you like Belgium, sir?” she asked, with a strong Brussels accent. I could clearly tell the difference between the refined Parisian way of speaking of M. Pelet, for example, and the rough pronunciation of the Flemish. I replied politely and then wondered how such a coarse and clumsy old woman as the one in front of me was in charge of a ladies’ school, which I'd always heard praised so highly. There was, indeed, something to question. Madame Reuter looked more like a joyful, carefree old Flemish farmer’s wife, or even a tavern keeper, than a serious, strict headmistress of a boarding school. Generally, older women in continental Europe, or at least in Belgium, allow themselves a freedom in manners, speech, and appearance that our elderly grandmothers would find utterly scandalous, and Madame Reuter’s cheerful face showed she was no exception to this cultural norm; there was a glint and a teasing look in her left eye, while her right eye was habitually half-closed, which I found very strange. After several unsuccessful attempts to figure out why these two amusing old ladies had invited me to join them for their afternoon snack, I finally gave up, resigned to the inevitable confusion, and sat there looking first at one and then at the other, making sure to enjoy the jams, cakes, and coffee they generously offered me. They ate too, and without any dainty appetites, and after finishing a large amount of the food, they suggested having a “little drink.” I declined. Not so with Mesdames Pelet and Reuter; each mixed herself what I thought was quite a strong glass of punch, and setting it on a stand near the stove, they pulled their chairs closer to it and invited me to join them. I complied, and sitting comfortably between them, I was first addressed by Madame Pelet, followed by Madame Reuter.

“We will now speak of business,” said Madame Pelet, and she went on to make an elaborate speech, which, being interpreted, was to the effect that she had asked for the pleasure of my company that evening in order to give her friend Madame Reuter an opportunity of broaching an important proposal, which might turn out greatly to my advantage.

“We're going to talk about business now,” said Madame Pelet, and she continued with an elaborate speech that, when translated, meant she had invited me to join her that evening so that her friend Madame Reuter could present an important proposal that could be very beneficial for me.

“Pourvu que vous soyez sage,” said Madame Reuter, “et à vrai dire, vous en avez bien l’air. Take one drop of the punch” (or ponche, as she pronounced it); “it is an agreeable and wholesome beverage after a full meal.”

“Provided that you behave,” said Madame Reuter, “and to be honest, you certainly look the part. Take a drop of the punch” (or ponche, as she pronounced it); “it’s a nice and healthy drink after a big meal.”

I bowed, but again declined it. She went on:

I bowed but once more turned it down. She continued:

“I feel,” said she, after a solemn sip—“I feel profoundly the importance of the commission with which my dear daughter has entrusted me, for you are aware, Monsieur, that it is my daughter who directs the establishment in the next house?”

“I feel,” she said after a serious sip, “I feel deeply the importance of the task my dear daughter has given me, because you know, sir, that it is my daughter who runs the establishment next door?”

“Ah! I thought it was yourself, madame.” Though, indeed, at that moment I recollected that it was called Mademoiselle, not Madame Reuter’s pensionnat.

“Ah! I thought it was you, ma'am.” Although, at that moment I remembered that it was called Mademoiselle, not Madame Reuter’s pensionnat.

“I! Oh, no! I manage the house and look after the servants, as my friend Madame Pelet does for Monsieur her son—nothing more. Ah! you thought I gave lessons in class—did you?”

“I! Oh, no! I take care of the house and look after the staff, just like my friend Madame Pelet does for her son, Monsieur—nothing more. Ah! You thought I taught classes—did you?”

And she laughed loud and long, as though the idea tickled her fancy amazingly.

And she laughed loudly and for a long time, as if the idea really amused her.

“Madame is in the wrong to laugh,” I observed; “if she does not give lessons, I am sure it is not because she cannot;” and I whipped out a white pocket-handkerchief and wafted it, with a French grace, past my nose, bowing at the same time.

“Madame is mistaken to laugh,” I said; “if she isn’t giving lessons, I’m sure it’s not because she can’t;” and I pulled out a white handkerchief and waved it elegantly past my nose, bowing at the same time.

“Quel charmant jeune homme!” murmured Madame Pelet in a low voice. Madame Reuter, being less sentimental, as she was Flamand and not French, only laughed again.

“Such a charming young man!” whispered Madame Pelet in a soft voice. Madame Reuter, being less sentimental since she was Flemish and not French, just laughed again.

“You are a dangerous person, I fear,” said she; “if you can forge compliments at that rate, Zoraïde will positively be afraid of you; but if you are good, I will keep your secret, and not tell her how well you can flatter. Now, listen what sort of a proposal she makes to you. She has heard that you are an excellent professor, and as she wishes to get the very best masters for her school (car Zoraïde fait tout comme une reine, c’est une véritable maîtresse-femme), she has commissioned me to step over this afternoon, and sound Madame Pelet as to the possibility of engaging you. Zoraïde is a wary general; she never advances without first examining well her ground. I don’t think she would be pleased if she knew I had already disclosed her intentions to you; she did not order me to go so far, but I thought there would be no harm in letting you into the secret, and Madame Pelet was of the same opinion. Take care, however, you don’t betray either of us to Zoraïde—to my daughter, I mean; she is so discreet and circumspect herself, she cannot understand that one should find a pleasure in gossiping a little—”

“You're a dangerous person, I think,” she said; “if you can dish out compliments like that, Zoraïde will definitely be afraid of you; but if you're really nice, I’ll keep your secret and won’t tell her how good you are at flattering. Now, listen to the kind of proposal she has for you. She’s heard that you’re an excellent professor, and since she wants the very best teachers for her school (because Zoraïde runs everything like a queen, she’s a true boss lady), she asked me to come over this afternoon and check with Madame Pelet about the possibility of hiring you. Zoraïde is a careful strategist; she never makes a move without thoroughly checking her options. I don’t think she’d be happy if she knew I had already told you about her plans; she didn’t tell me to go that far, but I thought it would be fine to share the secret, and Madame Pelet agreed. Just be careful not to spill the beans to Zoraïde about either of us—about my daughter, I mean; she’s so discreet and careful herself that she doesn’t get why anyone would enjoy a bit of gossip—”

“C’est absolument comme mon fils!” cried Madame Pelet.

“It's just like my son!” cried Madame Pelet.

“All the world is so changed since our girlhood!” rejoined the other: “young people have such old heads now. But to return, Monsieur. Madame Pelet will mention the subject of your giving lessons in my daughter’s establishment to her son, and he will speak to you; and then to-morrow, you will step over to our house, and ask to see my daughter, and you will introduce the subject as if the first intimation of it had reached you from M. Pelet himself, and be sure you never mention my name, for I would not displease Zoraïde on any account.”

“All the world has changed so much since we were girls!” the other replied. “Young people today are so wise beyond their years. But to get back to the point, Monsieur. Madame Pelet will bring up the idea of you giving lessons at my daughter’s school to her son, and he’ll talk to you about it. Then tomorrow, you’ll come over to our house, ask to see my daughter, and you’ll bring up the topic as if you first heard about it from M. Pelet himself. And make sure you don’t mention my name because I really don’t want to upset Zoraïde in any way.”

“Bien! bien!” interrupted I—for all this chatter and circumlocution began to bore me very much; “I will consult M. Pelet, and the thing shall be settled as you desire. Good evening, mesdames—I am infinitely obliged to you.”

“Alright! alright!” I interrupted, as all this talk and rambling started to really bore me; “I’ll check with M. Pelet, and we’ll get this sorted out as you want. Good evening, ladies—I really appreciate it.”

“Comment! vous vous en allez déjà?” exclaimed Madame Pelet.

“Are you leaving already?” exclaimed Madame Pelet.

“Prenez encore quelquechose, monsieur; une pomme cuite, des biscuits, encore une tasse de café?”

“Would you like something else, sir? A baked apple, some cookies, another cup of coffee?”

“Merci, merci, madame—au revoir.” And I backed at last out of the apartment.

“Thank you, thank you, ma’am—goodbye.” And I finally backed out of the apartment.

Having regained my own room, I set myself to turn over in my mind the incident of the evening. It seemed a queer affair altogether, and queerly managed; the two old women had made quite a little intricate mess of it; still I found that the uppermost feeling in my mind on the subject was one of satisfaction. In the first place it would be a change to give lessons in another seminary, and then to teach young ladies would be an occupation so interesting—to be admitted at all into a ladies’ boarding-school would be an incident so new in my life. Besides, thought I, as I glanced at the boarded window, “I shall now at last see the mysterious garden: I shall gaze both on the angels and their Eden.”

Having gotten back to my own room, I started to think about the events of the evening. It all seemed pretty strange and managed in a weird way; the two old women had created quite a complicated situation. Still, the main feeling I had about it was one of satisfaction. For one, it would be a change to give lessons at another school, and teaching young ladies would be such an interesting opportunity—just being accepted into a ladies’ boarding school would be a completely new experience in my life. Plus, I thought as I looked at the boarded window, “I will finally get to see the mysterious garden: I will gaze at both the angels and their Eden.”

CHAPTER IX.

M. PELET could not of course object to the proposal made by Mdlle. Reuter; permission to accept such additional employment, should it offer, having formed an article of the terms on which he had engaged me. It was, therefore, arranged in the course of next day that I should be at liberty to give lessons in Mdlle. Reuter’s establishment four afternoons in every week.

M. PELET couldn't really object to Mdlle. Reuter's proposal; being allowed to take on extra work if it came up was part of the terms when he hired me. So, it was decided the next day that I would be free to give lessons at Mdlle. Reuter's place four afternoons a week.

When evening came I prepared to step over in order to seek a conference with Mademoiselle herself on the subject; I had not had time to pay the visit before, having been all day closely occupied in class. I remember very well that before quitting my chamber, I held a brief debate with myself as to whether I should change my ordinary attire for something smarter. At last I concluded it would be a waste of labour. “Doubtless,” thought I, “she is some stiff old maid; for though the daughter of Madame Reuter, she may well number upwards of forty winters; besides, if it were otherwise, if she be both young and pretty, I am not handsome, and no dressing can make me so, therefore I’ll go as I am.” And off I started, cursorily glancing sideways as I passed the toilet-table, surmounted by a looking-glass: a thin irregular face I saw, with sunk, dark eyes under a large, square forehead, complexion destitute of bloom or attraction; something young, but not youthful, no object to win a lady’s love, no butt for the shafts of Cupid.

When evening came, I got ready to go in order to have a talk with Mademoiselle about the matter. I hadn’t had time to visit earlier because I was busy in class all day. I remember debating with myself for a moment about whether to change into something nicer. Finally, I decided it would be a waste of effort. “She’s probably just a stiff old maid," I thought, "even though she’s Madame Reuter’s daughter, she must be over forty; and besides, even if she’s young and pretty, I’m not handsome, and no amount of dressing up can change that, so I’ll just go as I am.” So, I headed out, glancing briefly at the mirror above the dressing table: I saw a thin, irregular face with dark, sunken eyes beneath a large square forehead, a complexion lacking any charm; I looked young but not youthful, not someone to win a lady’s love, and certainly not a target for Cupid’s arrows.

I was soon at the entrance of the pensionnat, in a moment I had pulled the bell; in another moment the door was opened, and within appeared a passage paved alternately with black and white marble; the walls were painted in imitation of marble also; and at the far end opened a glass door, through which I saw shrubs and a grass-plat, looking pleasant in the sunshine of the mild spring evening—for it was now the middle of April.

I soon arrived at the entrance of the boarding school, and in no time, I rang the bell. The door swung open, revealing a hallway paved with alternating black and white marble. The walls were painted to look like marble too, and at the far end, there was a glass door, through which I could see shrubs and a patch of grass, looking nice in the sunshine of the mild spring evening—it was now the middle of April.

This, then, was my first glimpse of the garden; but I had not time to look long, the portress, after having answered in the affirmative my question as to whether her mistress was at home, opened the folding-doors of a room to the left, and having ushered me in, closed them behind me. I found myself in a salon with a very well-painted, highly varnished floor; chairs and sofas covered with white draperies, a green porcelain stove, walls hung with pictures in gilt frames, a gilt pendule and other ornaments on the mantelpiece, a large lustre pendent from the centre of the ceiling, mirrors, consoles, muslin curtains, and a handsome centre table completed the inventory of furniture. All looked extremely clean and glittering, but the general effect would have been somewhat chilling had not a second large pair of folding-doors, standing wide open, and disclosing another and smaller salon, more snugly furnished, offered some relief to the eye. This room was carpeted, and therein was a piano, a couch, a chiffonniere—above all, it contained a lofty window with a crimson curtain, which, being undrawn, afforded another glimpse of the garden, through the large, clear panes, round which some leaves of ivy, some tendrils of vine were trained.

This was my first look at the garden; however, I didn’t have time to take it all in. The housekeeper answered my question about whether her mistress was home and then opened the folding doors of a room to my left, ushering me inside and closing the doors behind me. I found myself in a salon with a beautifully painted, highly polished floor; chairs and sofas draped in white fabric, a green porcelain stove, walls adorned with pictures in gold frames, a gold clock, and other decorative items on the mantelpiece, a large chandelier hanging from the center of the ceiling, mirrors, consoles, muslin curtains, and a stylish center table made up the furniture. Everything looked extremely clean and shiny, but the overall effect felt a bit cold until I noticed a second set of large folding doors that were wide open, revealing another, smaller salon that was cozier and offered some relief to the eye. This room had a carpet, a piano, a couch, a dresser—and most importantly, it had a tall window with a crimson curtain that was drawn back, offering another view of the garden through the large, clear panes, which were draped with some ivy leaves and vine tendrils.

“Monsieur Creemsvort, n’est ce pas?” said a voice behind me; and, starting involuntarily, I turned. I had been so taken up with the contemplation of the pretty little salon that I had not noticed the entrance of a person into the larger room. It was, however, Mdlle. Reuter who now addressed me, and stood close beside me; and when I had bowed with instantaneously recovered sang froid—for I am not easily embarrassed—I commenced the conversation by remarking on the pleasant aspect of her little cabinet, and the advantage she had over M. Pelet in possessing a garden.

“Monsieur Creemsvort, right?” said a voice behind me. Startled, I turned around. I had been so caught up in admiring the charming little salon that I hadn't noticed someone enter the larger room. It was Mdlle. Reuter who was now speaking to me, standing right next to me. After quickly regaining my composure—since I’m not easily embarrassed—I started the conversation by commenting on the lovely look of her little office and the advantage she had over M. Pelet by having a garden.

“Yes,” she said, “she often thought so;” and added, “it is my garden, monsieur, which makes me retain this house, otherwise I should probably have removed to larger and more commodious premises long since; but you see I could not take my garden with me, and I should scarcely find one so large and pleasant anywhere else in town.”

“Yes,” she said, “I often think that;” and added, “it’s my garden, sir, that makes me hold onto this house. Otherwise, I would have probably moved to a bigger and more comfortable place a long time ago. But you see, I can’t take my garden with me, and I doubt I would find one as big and nice anywhere else in town.”

I approved her judgment.

I agreed with her judgment.

“But you have not seen it yet,” said she, rising; “come to the window and take a better view.” I followed her; she opened the sash, and leaning out I saw in full the enclosed demesne which had hitherto been to me an unknown region. It was a long, not very broad strip of cultured ground, with an alley bordered by enormous old fruit trees down the middle; there was a sort of lawn, a parterre of rose-trees, some flower-borders, and, on the far side, a thickly planted copse of lilacs, laburnums, and acacias. It looked pleasant, to me—very pleasant, so long a time had elapsed since I had seen a garden of any sort. But it was not only on Mdlle. Reuter’s garden that my eyes dwelt; when I had taken a view of her well-trimmed beds and budding shrubberies, I allowed my glance to come back to herself, nor did I hastily withdraw it.

“But you haven't seen it yet,” she said, getting up. “Come to the window and take a better look.” I followed her. She opened the window, and leaning out, I saw for the first time the enclosed garden that had been unknown to me until now. It was a long, not very wide stretch of cultivated land, with a path lined by huge old fruit trees down the middle; there was a sort of lawn, a flower bed of rose bushes, some flower borders, and on the far side, a dense thicket of lilacs, laburnums, and acacias. It looked nice to me—very nice, since it had been so long since I had seen a garden of any kind. But my gaze wasn’t just on Mdlle. Reuter’s garden; after taking in her well-kept flower beds and budding shrubs, I let my eyes return to her, and I didn’t quickly look away.

I had thought to see a tall, meagre, yellow, conventual image in black, with a close white cap, bandaged under the chin like a nun’s head-gear; whereas, there stood by me a little and roundly formed woman, who might indeed be older than I, but was still young; she could not, I thought, be more than six or seven and twenty; she was as fair as a fair Englishwoman; she had no cap; her hair was nut-brown, and she wore it in curls; pretty her features were not, nor very soft, nor very regular, but neither were they in any degree plain, and I already saw cause to deem them expressive. What was their predominant cast? Was it sagacity?—sense? Yes, I thought so; but I could scarcely as yet be sure. I discovered, however, that there was a certain serenity of eye, and freshness of complexion, most pleasing to behold. The colour on her cheek was like the bloom on a good apple, which is as sound at the core as it is red on the rind.

I expected to see a tall, thin, yellowish, convent-like figure dressed in black, with a tight white cap tied under the chin like a nun's headdress. Instead, there stood next to me a short, round woman who might actually be older than me but still looked young; I figured she couldn’t be more than six or seven and twenty. She was as lovely as an attractive English woman; she didn’t wear a cap, her hair was a rich brown, styled in curls. Her features weren’t particularly pretty, soft, or regular, but they weren't plain either, and I already found them to be quite expressive. What was the character of her features? Was it wisdom?—intelligence? Yes, I thought so, but I couldn’t be completely sure yet. However, I noticed a certain calmness in her eyes and a freshness in her complexion that was very pleasant to see. The color of her cheeks was like the blush on a good apple, which is just as sound at the core as it is vibrant on the outside.

Mdlle. Reuter and I entered upon business. She said she was not absolutely certain of the wisdom of the step she was about to take, because I was so young, and parents might possibly object to a professor like me for their daughters: “But it is often well to act on one’s own judgment,” said she, “and to lead parents, rather than be led by them. The fitness of a professor is not a matter of age; and, from what I have heard, and from what I observe myself, I would much rather trust you than M. Ledru, the music-master, who is a married man of near fifty.”

Mdlle. Reuter and I started our business together. She mentioned that she wasn't entirely sure if it was a wise decision to move forward, given my youth, and that parents might have reservations about a professor like me for their daughters. “But sometimes it's better to trust your own judgment,” she said, “and to lead parents instead of letting them lead you. The suitability of a professor isn't about age; and from what I've heard, as well as what I see myself, I would definitely trust you more than M. Ledru, the music teacher, who is a married man nearing fifty.”

I remarked that I hoped she would find me worthy of her good opinion; that if I knew myself, I was incapable of betraying any confidence reposed in me. “Du reste,” said she, “the surveillance will be strictly attended to.” And then she proceeded to discuss the subject of terms. She was very cautious, quite on her guard; she did not absolutely bargain, but she warily sounded me to find out what my expectations might be; and when she could not get me to name a sum, she reasoned and reasoned with a fluent yet quiet circumlocution of speech, and at last nailed me down to five hundred francs per annum—not too much, but I agreed. Before the negotiation was completed, it began to grow a little dusk. I did not hasten it, for I liked well enough to sit and hear her talk; I was amused with the sort of business talent she displayed. Edward could not have shown himself more practical, though he might have evinced more coarseness and urgency; and then she had so many reasons, so many explanations; and, after all, she succeeded in proving herself quite disinterested and even liberal. At last she concluded, she could say no more, because, as I acquiesced in all things, there was no further ground for the exercise of her parts of speech. I was obliged to rise. I would rather have sat a little longer; what had I to return to but my small empty room? And my eyes had a pleasure in looking at Mdlle. Reuter, especially now, when the twilight softened her features a little, and, in the doubtful dusk, I could fancy her forehead as open as it was really elevated, her mouth touched with turns of sweetness as well as defined in lines of sense. When I rose to go, I held out my hand, on purpose, though I knew it was contrary to the etiquette of foreign habits; she smiled, and said—

I mentioned that I hoped she would find me deserving of her good opinion; that if I knew myself, I was incapable of betraying any trust placed in me. “Besides,” she said, “the supervision will be closely monitored.” Then she started discussing the terms. She was very cautious, completely on her guard; she didn’t negotiate outright, but she carefully probed to find out what my expectations might be; when she couldn’t get me to name a figure, she talked around it fluently yet subtly, and eventually pinned me down to five hundred francs a year—not too much, but I agreed. Before we finished negotiating, it started getting a bit dark. I didn’t rush it because I enjoyed listening to her talk; I found her business skills amusing. Edward could not have been more practical, though he might have been more blunt and eager; plus, she had so many reasons and explanations; in the end, she managed to come off as quite selfless and even generous. Finally, she said she had said all she could, since I agreed to everything, leaving no more room for her to elaborate. I had to get up. I would have preferred to stay a bit longer; what did I have to return to but my small empty room? And I took pleasure in looking at Mdlle. Reuter, especially now, as the twilight softened her features a little, and in the dim light, I could imagine her forehead as open as it truly was elevated, her mouth showing both sweetness and clear lines of sense. When I stood up to leave, I extended my hand intentionally, even though I knew it went against foreign etiquette; she smiled and said—

“Ah! c’est comme tous les Anglais,” but gave me her hand very kindly.

“Ah! it’s just like all the English,” but she kindly gave me her hand.

“It is the privilege of my country, Mademoiselle,” said I; “and, remember, I shall always claim it.”

“It’s the privilege of my country, Mademoiselle,” I said; “and just remember, I will always claim it.”

She laughed a little, quite good-naturedly, and with the sort of tranquillity obvious in all she did—a tranquillity which soothed and suited me singularly, at least I thought so that evening. Brussels seemed a very pleasant place to me when I got out again into the street, and it appeared as if some cheerful, eventful, upward-tending career were even then opening to me, on that selfsame mild, still April night. So impressionable a being is man, or at least such a man as I was in those days.

She chuckled a bit, really good-naturedly, and there was a calmness in everything she did—a calmness that strangely reassured and suited me, or at least I thought so that evening. Brussels felt like a really nice place to me when I stepped back out onto the street, and it seemed like some happy, exciting, upward journey was just starting for me on that same gentle, calm April night. People are so impressionable, or at least I was back then.

CHAPTER X.

NEXT day the morning hours seemed to pass very slowly at M. Pelet’s; I wanted the afternoon to come that I might go again to the neighbouring pensionnat and give my first lesson within its pleasant precincts; for pleasant they appeared to me. At noon the hour of recreation arrived; at one o’clock we had lunch; this got on the time, and at last St. Gudule’s deep bell, tolling slowly two, marked the moment for which I had been waiting.

NEXT day the morning hours felt like they dragged on at M. Pelet’s; I was eager for the afternoon to arrive so I could go back to the nearby boarding school and give my first lesson in its nice surroundings; because they seemed nice to me. At noon, it was time for recreation; we had lunch at one o’clock; this helped pass the time, and finally, St. Gudule’s deep bell, ringing slowly at two, signaled the moment I had been waiting for.

At the foot of the narrow back-stairs that descended from my room, I met M. Pelet.

At the bottom of the narrow back stairs that went down from my room, I ran into M. Pelet.

“Comme vous avez l’air rayonnant!” said he. “Je ne vous ai jamais vu aussi gai. Que s’est-il donc passé?”

“Wow, you look amazing!” he said. “I’ve never seen you this happy. What happened?”

“Apparemment que j’aime les changements,” replied I.

“Apparently, I like changes,” I replied.

“Ah! je comprends—c’est cela—soyez sage seulement. Vous êtes bien jeune—trop jeune pour le rôle que vous allez jouer; il faut prendre garde—savez-vous?”

“Ah! I understand—it's that—just be wise. You’re very young—too young for the role you’re about to play; you need to be careful—do you know that?”

“Mais quel danger y a-t-il?”

“What danger is there?”

“Je n’en sais rien—ne vous laissez pas aller à de vives impressions—voila tout.”

“Honestly, I don’t know—don’t let yourself get carried away by strong feelings—that's all.”

I laughed: a sentiment of exquisite pleasure played over my nerves at the thought that “vives impressions” were likely to be created; it was the deadness, the sameness of life’s daily ongoings that had hitherto been my bane; my blouse-clad “élèves” in the boys’ seminary never stirred in me any “vives impressions” except it might be occasionally some of anger. I broke from M. Pelet, and as I strode down the passage he followed me with one of his laughs—a very French, rakish, mocking sound.

I laughed; a feeling of pure joy surged through me at the thought that "strong impressions" were likely to be made. It was the monotony and dullness of everyday life that had always been my curse. My blouse-wearing “students” in the boys' seminary never inspired any "strong impressions" in me, except maybe an occasional burst of anger. I pulled away from M. Pelet, and as I walked down the hall, he followed me with one of his laughs—a distinctly French, roguish, mocking sound.

Again I stood at the neighbouring door, and soon was re-admitted into the cheerful passage with its clear dove-colour imitation marble walls. I followed the portress, and descending a step, and making a turn, I found myself in a sort of corridor; a side-door opened, Mdlle. Reuter’s little figure, as graceful as it was plump, appeared. I could now see her dress in full daylight; a neat, simple mousseline-laine gown fitted her compact round shape to perfection—delicate little collar and manchettes of lace, trim Parisian brodequins showed her neck, wrists, and feet, to complete advantage; but how grave was her face as she came suddenly upon me! Solicitude and business were in her eye—on her forehead; she looked almost stern. Her “Bon jour, monsieur,” was quite polite, but so orderly, so commonplace, it spread directly a cool, damp towel over my “vives impressions.” The servant turned back when her mistress appeared, and I walked slowly along the corridor, side by side with Mdlle. Reuter.

Once again, I stood by the neighboring door and was soon welcomed back into the bright hallway with its light dove-colored faux marble walls. I followed the housekeeper, and after going down a step and making a turn, I found myself in a kind of corridor; a side door opened, and Mdlle. Reuter’s petite figure, as graceful as it was plump, appeared. Now I could see her dress in full daylight; a neat, simple mousseline-laine gown fit her compact round shape perfectly—delicate little collar and lace cuffs, stylish Parisian shoes showing off her neck, wrists, and feet to great advantage; but how serious her expression was when she suddenly came upon me! Concern and purpose were evident in her eyes—on her forehead; she looked almost stern. Her “Good morning, sir,” was very polite, but so proper, so ordinary, it immediately dampened my “vives impressions” like a cool, wet towel. The servant stepped back when her mistress appeared, and I walked slowly down the corridor alongside Mdlle. Reuter.

“Monsieur will give a lesson in the first class to-day,” said she; “dictation or reading will perhaps be the best thing to begin with, for those are the easiest forms of communicating instruction in a foreign language; and, at the first, a master naturally feels a little unsettled.”

“Mister will give a lesson in the first class today,” she said; “dictation or reading might be the best way to start, since those are the easiest methods for teaching a foreign language; and, at first, a teacher naturally feels a bit uneasy.”

She was quite right, as I had found from experience; it only remained for me to acquiesce. We proceeded now in silence. The corridor terminated in a hall, large, lofty, and square; a glass door on one side showed within a long narrow refectory, with tables, an armoire, and two lamps; it was empty; large glass doors, in front, opened on the playground and garden; a broad staircase ascended spirally on the opposite side; the remaining wall showed a pair of great folding-doors, now closed, and admitting, doubtless, to the classes.

She was absolutely right, as I had learned from experience; I just needed to go along with it. We moved forward in silence. The corridor ended in a large, tall, square hall; a glass door on one side revealed a long, narrow dining room, complete with tables, a cabinet, and two lamps; it was empty. Large glass doors in front led out to the playground and garden; a wide spiral staircase rose on the opposite side; the remaining wall featured a set of large folding doors, now shut, likely leading to the classrooms.

Mdlle. Reuter turned her eye laterally on me, to ascertain, probably, whether I was collected enough to be ushered into her sanctum sanctorum. I suppose she judged me to be in a tolerable state of self-government, for she opened the door, and I followed her through. A rustling sound of uprising greeted our entrance; without looking to the right or left, I walked straight up the lane between two sets of benches and desks, and took possession of the empty chair and isolated desk raised on an estrade, of one step high, so as to command one division; the other division being under the surveillance of a maîtresse similarly elevated. At the back of the estrade, and attached to a moveable partition dividing this schoolroom from another beyond, was a large tableau of wood painted black and varnished; a thick crayon of white chalk lay on my desk for the convenience of elucidating any grammatical or verbal obscurity which might occur in my lessons by writing it upon the tableau; a wet sponge appeared beside the chalk, to enable me to efface the marks when they had served the purpose intended.

Mdlle. Reuter glanced at me sideways to see if I was composed enough to enter her private space. I guess she decided I was in a decent state of self-control because she opened the door, and I followed her inside. A rustling noise erupted as we arrived; without looking right or left, I walked straight down the aisle between two rows of benches and desks and took a seat in the empty chair at the isolated desk raised on a small platform, so I could oversee one section; the other section was monitored by a similarly elevated teacher. At the back of the platform, attached to a movable partition that separated this classroom from another, was a large black-painted and varnished board; a thick piece of white chalk was on my desk so I could clarify any grammar or vocabulary issues that came up in my lessons by writing on the board; a wet sponge was next to the chalk, allowing me to wipe the marks away once they had served their purpose.

I carefully and deliberately made these observations before allowing myself to take one glance at the benches before me; having handled the crayon, looked back at the tableau, fingered the sponge in order to ascertain that it was in a right state of moisture, I found myself cool enough to admit of looking calmly up and gazing deliberately round me.

I took my time making these observations before I finally dared to glance at the benches in front of me. After using the crayon, looking back at the scene, and checking the sponge to make sure it was wet enough, I felt calm enough to look up and take a measured look around.

And first I observed that Mdlle. Reuter had already glided away, she was nowhere visible; a maîtresse or teacher, the one who occupied the corresponding estrade to my own, alone remained to keep guard over me; she was a little in the shade, and, with my short sight, I could only see that she was of a thin bony figure and rather tallowy complexion, and that her attitude, as she sat, partook equally of listlessness and affectation. More obvious, more prominent, shone on by the full light of the large window, were the occupants of the benches just before me, of whom some were girls of fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, some young women from eighteen (as it appeared to me) up to twenty; the most modest attire, the simplest fashion of wearing the hair, were apparent in all; and good features, ruddy, blooming complexions, large and brilliant eyes, forms full, even to solidity, seemed to abound. I did not bear the first view like a stoic; I was dazzled, my eyes fell, and in a voice somewhat too low I murmured—

And first I noticed that Mdlle. Reuter had already slipped away; she was nowhere to be seen. A teacher, the one who shared the platform with me, was left to supervise. She was somewhat in the shadows, and with my poor eyesight, all I could make out was that she had a thin, bony frame and a somewhat pale complexion. Her posture, as she sat there, seemed to express both boredom and pretentiousness. In contrast, the students in the benches directly in front of me were much more visible, illuminated by the bright light coming in through the large window. Some were girls around fourteen, fifteen, or sixteen, while others were young women who looked between eighteen and twenty. They all wore the simplest clothing and had straightforward hairstyles. Their features were attractive, with rosy, healthy complexions, big, bright eyes, and full figures that even seemed solid. I didn't take in the first sight like a stoic; I was overwhelmed, my gaze dropped, and I murmured in a voice that was perhaps too soft—

“Prenez vos cahiers de dictée, mesdemoiselles.”

“Take out your dictation notebooks, ladies.”

Not so had I bid the boys at Pelet’s take their reading-books. A rustle followed, and an opening of desks; behind the lifted lids which momentarily screened the heads bent down to search for exercise-books, I heard tittering and whispers.

Not how I had asked the boys at Pelet’s to get their reading books. There was a rustle and a shuffle of desks; behind the lifted lids that briefly blocked the view of their heads bent down looking for exercise books, I heard giggling and whispers.

“Eulalie, je suis prête à pâmer de rire,” observed one.

“Eulalie, I’m about to burst out laughing,” one remarked.

“Comme il a rougi en parlant!”

“Look how he blushed while speaking!”

“Oui, c’est un véritable blanc-bec.”

"Yes, he's a real rookie."

“Tais-toi, Hortense—il nous écoute.”

"Shut up, Hortense—he's listening to us."

And now the lids sank and the heads reappeared; I had marked three, the whisperers, and I did not scruple to take a very steady look at them as they emerged from their temporary eclipse. It is astonishing what ease and courage their little phrases of flippancy had given me; the idea by which I had been awed was that the youthful beings before me, with their dark nun-like robes and softly braided hair, were a kind of half-angels. The light titter, the giddy whisper, had already in some measure relieved my mind of that fond and oppressive fancy.

And now the lids lowered and the heads came back up; I had noticed three of them, the whisperers, and I didn't hesitate to give them a steady look as they emerged from their brief hiding. It's surprising how much confidence and bravery their light-hearted comments gave me; the thought that had intimidated me was that the young girls in their dark, nun-like outfits and softly braided hair were like half-angels. The light giggles and playful whispers had already started to ease my mind of that overwhelming idea.

The three I allude to were just in front, within half a yard of my estrade, and were among the most womanly-looking present. Their names I knew afterwards, and may as well mention now; they were Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline. Eulalie was tall, and very finely shaped: she was fair, and her features were those of a Low Country Madonna; many a “figure de Vierge” have I seen in Dutch pictures exactly resembling hers; there were no angles in her shape or in her face, all was curve and roundness—neither thought, sentiment, nor passion disturbed by line or flush the equality of her pale, clear skin; her noble bust heaved with her regular breathing, her eyes moved a little—by these evidences of life alone could I have distinguished her from some large handsome figure moulded in wax. Hortense was of middle size and stout, her form was ungraceful, her face striking, more alive and brilliant than Eulalie’s, her hair was dark brown, her complexion richly coloured; there were frolic and mischief in her eye: consistency and good sense she might possess, but none of her features betokened those qualities.

The three I’m referring to were right in front of me, within half a yard of my platform, and were some of the most feminine-looking people there. I found out their names later, so I might as well mention them now: they were Eulalie, Hortense, and Caroline. Eulalie was tall and very well-proportioned; she had fair skin, and her features resembled those of a Low Country Madonna. I’ve seen many “figure de Vierge” in Dutch paintings that looked just like her; there were no sharp angles in her shape or in her face—everything was soft and rounded. Neither thought, feeling, nor passion disrupted the smoothness of her pale, clear skin; her noble chest rose and fell gently with her breath, and her eyes moved slightly—by these signs of life alone I could tell she wasn’t just a large, beautiful figure made of wax. Hortense was of average height and stout; her figure wasn’t graceful, but her face was striking, more vibrant and alive than Eulalie’s. Her hair was dark brown, and her complexion was rich in color; there was a playful and mischievous glint in her eye. She might have had consistency and common sense, but none of her features hinted at those qualities.

Caroline was little, though evidently full grown; raven-black hair, very dark eyes, absolutely regular features, with a colourless olive complexion, clear as to the face and sallow about the neck, formed in her that assemblage of points whose union many persons regard as the perfection of beauty. How, with the tintless pallor of her skin and the classic straightness of her lineaments, she managed to look sensual, I don’t know. I think her lips and eyes contrived the affair between them, and the result left no uncertainty on the beholder’s mind. She was sensual now, and in ten years’ time she would be coarse—promise plain was written in her face of much future folly.

Caroline was small but definitely fully grown; she had raven-black hair, very dark eyes, perfectly symmetrical features, and a pale olive complexion—clear on her face but sallow around her neck. This combination created a look that many people considered the ideal of beauty. How she managed to appear sensual despite the pale color of her skin and the classic symmetry of her features is beyond me. I think her lips and eyes worked together to create that effect, and it left no doubt in anyone's mind. She looked sensual now, but in ten years, she would likely be coarse—her face clearly hinted at a future filled with foolishness.

If I looked at these girls with little scruple, they looked at me with still less. Eulalie raised her unmoved eye to mine, and seemed to expect, passively but securely, an impromptu tribute to her majestic charms. Hortense regarded me boldly, and giggled at the same time, while she said, with an air of impudent freedom—

If I glanced at these girls without much hesitation, they looked back at me with even less. Eulalie met my gaze without flinching, as if she was confidently waiting for some spontaneous compliment about her impressive beauty. Hortense stared at me boldly and simultaneously giggled, while she spoke with a cheeky flair—

“Dictez-nous quelquechose de facile pour commençer, monsieur.”

“Dictate something easy for us to start, sir.”

Caroline shook her loose ringlets of abundant but somewhat coarse hair over her rolling black eyes; parting her lips, as full as those of a hot-blooded Maroon, she showed her well-set teeth sparkling between them, and treated me at the same time to a smile “de sa façon.” Beautiful as Pauline Borghese, she looked at the moment scarcely purer than Lucrece de Borgia. Caroline was of noble family. I heard her lady-mother’s character afterwards, and then I ceased to wonder at the precocious accomplishments of the daughter. These three, I at once saw, deemed themselves the queens of the school, and conceived that by their splendour they threw all the rest into the shade. In less than five minutes they had thus revealed to me their characters, and in less than five minutes I had buckled on a breast-plate of steely indifference, and let down a visor of impassible austerity.

Caroline shook her loose ringlets of thick but somewhat coarse hair over her striking black eyes; parting her lips, as full as those of a passionate Maroon, she revealed her well-set teeth sparkling between them, and gave me a smile “de sa façon.” Beautiful like Pauline Borghese, she looked at that moment barely purer than Lucrece de Borgia. Caroline came from a noble family. I later heard about her mother’s character, and then I stopped being surprised by the daughter's precocious talents. I quickly realized that these three saw themselves as the queens of the school and believed their brilliance overshadowed everyone else. In less than five minutes, they had shown me their personalities, and in that same time, I had put on a shield of steely indifference and lowered a visor of unfeeling seriousness.

“Take your pens and commence writing,” said I, in as dry and trite a voice as if I had been addressing only Jules Vanderkelkov and Co.

“Take your pens and start writing,” I said, in a bland and cliché tone as if I were speaking only to Jules Vanderkelkov and Co.

The dictée now commenced. My three belles interrupted me perpetually with little silly questions and uncalled-for remarks, to some of which I made no answer, and to others replied very quietly and briefly. “Comment dit-on point et virgule en Anglais, monsieur?”

The dictation started now. My three beauties kept interrupting me with silly questions and unnecessary comments, to some of which I didn’t respond, and to others, I answered very calmly and briefly. “How do you say semicolon in English, sir?”

“Semi-colon, mademoiselle.”

“Semicolon, miss.”

“Semi-collong? Ah, comme c’est drôle!” (giggle.)

“Semi-collong? Ah, that’s so funny!” (giggle.)

“J’ai une si mauvaise plume—impossible d’écrire!”

“J’ai une si mauvaise écriture—impossible d’écrire!”

“Mais, monsieur—je ne sais pas suivre—vous allez si vîte.”

“But, sir—I can’t keep up—you’re going too fast.”

“Je n’ai rien compris, moi!”

"I didn't understand anything!"

Here a general murmur arose, and the teacher, opening her lips for the first time, ejaculated—

Here a general murmur arose, and the teacher, speaking for the first time, exclaimed—

“Silence, mesdemoiselles!”

"Silence, ladies!"

No silence followed—on the contrary, the three ladies in front began to talk more loudly.

No silence followed—instead, the three women in front started talking even louder.

“C’est si difficile, l’Anglais!”

"English is so difficult!"

“Je déteste la dictée.”

"I hate dictation."

“Quel ennui d’écrire quelquechose que l’on ne comprend pas!”

“Such a drag to write something that you don’t understand!”

Some of those behind laughed: a degree of confusion began to pervade the class; it was necessary to take prompt measures.

Some of the people in the back laughed: a sense of confusion started to spread through the class; it was important to take quick action.

“Donnez-moi vôtre cahier,” said I to Eulalie in an abrupt tone; and bending over, I took it before she had time to give it.

“Give me your notebook,” I said to Eulalie in a blunt tone; and leaning over, I took it before she had a chance to hand it over.

“Et vous, mademoiselle—donnez-moi le vôtre,” continued I, more mildly, addressing a little pale, plain looking girl who sat in the first row of the other division, and whom I had remarked as being at once the ugliest and the most attentive in the room; she rose up, walked over to me, and delivered her book with a grave, modest curtsey. I glanced over the two dictations; Eulalie’s was slurred, blotted, and full of silly mistakes—Sylvie’s (such was the name of the ugly little girl) was clearly written, it contained no error against sense, and but few faults of orthography. I coolly read aloud both exercises, marking the faults—then I looked at Eulalie:

“Hey there, miss—give me yours,” I said more gently, addressing a pale, plain-looking girl in the front row of the other section, who I had noticed was both the least attractive and the most focused in the room. She got up, walked over to me, and handed me her book with a serious, modest curtsy. I skimmed through the two assignments; Eulalie’s was messy, smudged, and filled with silly mistakes—Sylvie’s (that was the name of the plain girl) was neatly written, contained no errors in logic, and had only a few spelling mistakes. I calmly read both exercises aloud, pointing out the errors—then I looked at Eulalie:

“C’est honteux!” said I, and I deliberately tore her dictation in four parts, and presented her with the fragments. I returned Sylvie her book with a smile, saying—

“It's disgraceful!” I said, and I intentionally tore her dictation into four pieces and handed her the torn bits. I returned Sylvie her book with a smile, saying—

“C’est bien—je suis content de vous.”

“That's great—I’m glad to see you.”

Sylvie looked calmly pleased, Eulalie swelled like an incensed turkey, but the mutiny was quelled: the conceited coquetry and futile flirtation of the first bench were exchanged for a taciturn sullenness, much more convenient to me, and the rest of my lesson passed without interruption.

Sylvie looked quietly happy, Eulalie puffed up like an angry turkey, but the rebellion was calmed down: the arrogant teasing and pointless flirting from the front row were replaced by a silent sulkiness, which suited me much better, and the rest of my lesson went on without a hitch.

A bell clanging out in the yard announced the moment for the cessation of school labours. I heard our own bell at the same time, and that of a certain public college immediately after. Order dissolved instantly; up started every pupil, I hastened to seize my hat, bow to the maîtresse, and quit the room before the tide of externats should pour from the inner class, where I knew near a hundred were prisoned, and whose rising tumult I already heard.

A bell ringing in the yard signaled the end of the school day. I heard our bell at the same time, followed by the one from a nearby public college. Chaos erupted immediately; every student jumped up, I quickly grabbed my hat, nodded to the teacher, and left the room before the wave of students from the inner class, where I knew about a hundred were trapped, rushed out, and I could already hear their growing noise.

I had scarcely crossed the hall and gained the corridor, when Mdlle. Reuter came again upon me.

I had barely crossed the hall and entered the corridor when Mdlle. Reuter encountered me again.

“Step in here a moment,” said she, and she held open the door of the side room from whence she had issued on my arrival; it was a salle-à-manger, as appeared from the beaufet and the armoire vitrée, filled with glass and china, which formed part of its furniture. Ere she had closed the door on me and herself, the corridor was already filled with day-pupils, tearing down their cloaks, bonnets, and cabas from the wooden pegs on which they were suspended; the shrill voice of a maîtresse was heard at intervals vainly endeavouring to enforce some sort of order; vainly, I say: discipline there was none in these rough ranks, and yet this was considered one of the best-conducted schools in Brussels.

“Step in here for a moment,” she said, holding the door to the side room from which she had come when I arrived; it was a salle-à-manger, as evident from the sideboard and the glass cabinet filled with glassware and china that were part of the furniture. Before she closed the door behind us, the corridor was already crowded with day students, ripping off their cloaks, hats, and bags from the wooden hooks where they had been hanging; a shrill voice of a teacher could be heard intermittently trying to impose some kind of order; trying in vain, I should say: there was no discipline among those unruly groups, and yet this was regarded as one of the best-run schools in Brussels.

“Well, you have given your first lesson,” began Mdlle. Reuter in the most calm, equable voice, as though quite unconscious of the chaos from which we were separated only by a single wall.

“Well, you’ve just given your first lesson,” Mdlle. Reuter started in the calmest, most even tone, as if she were completely unaware of the chaos that was just a single wall away from us.

“Were you satisfied with your pupils, or did any circumstance in their conduct give you cause for complaint? Conceal nothing from me, repose in me entire confidence.”

“Were you happy with your students, or did something about their behavior make you upset? Don’t hide anything from me; trust me completely.”

Happily, I felt in myself complete power to manage my pupils without aid; the enchantment, the golden haze which had dazzled my perspicuity at first, had been a good deal dissipated. I cannot say I was chagrined or downcast by the contrast which the reality of a pensionnat de demoiselles presented to my vague ideal of the same community; I was only enlightened and amused; consequently, I felt in no disposition to complain to Mdlle. Reuter, and I received her considerate invitation to confidence with a smile.

I was really happy to feel totally in control of managing my students on my own; the magic and golden glow that had initially dazzled my clarity had faded quite a bit. I can’t say I was disappointed or upset by how different the reality of a girls' school was from my vague ideal of it; I was just more informed and entertained. So, I wasn’t in the mood to complain to Mdlle. Reuter, and I accepted her thoughtful invitation to share my thoughts with a smile.

“A thousand thanks, mademoiselle, all has gone very smoothly.”

“A thousand thanks, miss, everything went really well.”

She looked more than doubtful.

She looked really skeptical.

“Et les trois demoiselles du premier banc?” said she.

“And what about the three young ladies in the front row?” she said.

“Ah! tout va au mieux!” was my answer, and Mdlle. Reuter ceased to question me; but her eye—not large, not brilliant, not melting, or kindling, but astute, penetrating, practical, showed she was even with me; it let out a momentary gleam, which said plainly, “Be as close as you like, I am not dependent on your candour; what you would conceal I already know.”

“Ah! everything is just fine!” was my response, and Mdlle. Reuter stopped questioning me; but her eye—not large, not bright, not soft or warm, but sharp, penetrating, and practical—showed she was well aware of my game; it flashed a momentary look that clearly said, “You can be as close as you want, but I'm not reliant on your honesty; what you think you’re hiding, I already know.”

By a transition so quiet as to be scarcely perceptible, the directress’s manner changed; the anxious business-air passed from her face, and she began chatting about the weather and the town, and asking in neighbourly wise after M. and Madame Pelet. I answered all her little questions; she prolonged her talk, I went on following its many little windings; she sat so long, said so much, varied so often the topics of discourse, that it was not difficult to perceive she had a particular aim in thus detaining me. Her mere words could have afforded no clue to this aim, but her countenance aided; while her lips uttered only affable commonplaces, her eyes reverted continually to my face. Her glances were not given in full, but out of the corners, so quietly, so stealthily, yet I think I lost not one. I watched her as keenly as she watched me; I perceived soon that she was feeling after my real character; she was searching for salient points, and weak points, and eccentric points; she was applying now this test, now that, hoping in the end to find some chink, some niche, where she could put in her little firm foot and stand upon my neck—mistress of my nature. Do not mistake me, reader, it was no amorous influence she wished to gain—at that time it was only the power of the politician to which she aspired; I was now installed as a professor in her establishment, and she wanted to know where her mind was superior to mine—by what feeling or opinion she could lead me.

With a transition so subtle it was barely noticeable, the directress’s demeanor changed; the anxious business-like expression faded from her face, and she started chatting about the weather and the town, casually inquiring about M. and Madame Pelet. I answered all her little questions; she continued talking, and I followed along with her many small detours. She stayed for a long time, said a lot, and switched topics frequently, making it clear she had a specific purpose for keeping me there. While her words didn’t reveal it, her expression did; even as her lips spoke friendly small talk, her eyes kept coming back to my face. Her glances weren’t direct, but rather from the corners of her eyes, so subtly, so stealthily, yet I believe I caught every one. I watched her as closely as she watched me; I soon realized she was probing my true character; she was looking for strengths, weaknesses, and quirks. She was trying different approaches, hoping to find some way in—a crack or a crevice—where she could secure her position and dominate me—master of my nature. Don’t get me wrong, reader, she wasn’t trying to seduce me—what she sought at that time was the power of a politician; I was now a professor in her establishment, and she wanted to find out where her intellect surpassed mine—what sentiments or opinions she could use to influence me.

I enjoyed the game much, and did not hasten its conclusion; sometimes I gave her hopes, beginning a sentence rather weakly, when her shrewd eye would light up—she thought she had me; having led her a little way, I delighted to turn round and finish with sound, hard sense, whereat her countenance would fall. At last a servant entered to announce dinner; the conflict being thus necessarily terminated, we parted without having gained any advantage on either side: Mdlle. Reuter had not even given me an opportunity of attacking her with feeling, and I had managed to baffle her little schemes of craft. It was a regular drawn battle. I again held out my hand when I left the room, she gave me hers; it was a small and white hand, but how cool! I met her eye too in full—obliging her to give me a straightforward look; this last test went against me: it left her as it found her—moderate, temperate, tranquil; me it disappointed.

I really enjoyed the game and didn’t rush to wrap it up; sometimes I would give her hope by starting a sentence hesitantly, and her sharp eyes would light up—she thought she had me. After leading her on a bit, I loved to turn it around and finish with clear, solid reasoning, which would make her expression drop. Finally, a servant came in to announce dinner; with the conflict necessarily ending there, we parted without either of us gaining an advantage: Mdlle. Reuter hadn’t even given me a chance to go at her with real emotion, and I had managed to outsmart her little schemes. It was basically a tie. I extended my hand as I left the room, and she gave me hers; it was a small, white hand, but so cool! I also caught her eye, making her look at me directly; this last challenge didn’t go well for me: she stayed just as composed as ever—calm, measured, and serene; I, however, felt let down.

“I am growing wiser,” thought I, as I walked back to M. Pelet’s. “Look at this little woman; is she like the women of novelists and romancers? To read of female character as depicted in Poetry and Fiction, one would think it was made up of sentiment, either for good or bad—here is a specimen, and a most sensible and respectable specimen, too, whose staple ingredient is abstract reason. No Talleyrand was ever more passionless than Zoraïde Reuter!” So I thought then; I found afterwards that blunt susceptibilities are very consistent with strong propensities.

“I’m getting wiser,” I thought as I walked back to M. Pelet’s. “Look at this woman; is she like the women described by novelists and storytellers? Reading about female characters in poetry and fiction, one might think they’re all about sentiment, whether positive or negative—here’s a real example, and a very sensible and respectable one, too, where the main ingredient is pure reason. No one was ever more unemotional than Zoraïde Reuter!” That’s what I thought then; I later realized that blunt feelings can go hand in hand with strong tendencies.

CHAPTER XI.

I HAD indeed had a very long talk with the crafty little politician, and on regaining my quarters, I found that dinner was half over. To be late at meals was against a standing rule of the establishment, and had it been one of the Flemish ushers who thus entered after the removal of the soup and the commencement of the first course, M. Pelet would probably have greeted him with a public rebuke, and would certainly have mulcted him both of soup and fish; as it was, that polite though partial gentleman only shook his head, and as I took my place, unrolled my napkin, and said my heretical grace to myself, he civilly despatched a servant to the kitchen, to bring me a plate of “purée aux carrottes” (for this was a maigre-day), and before sending away the first course, reserved for me a portion of the stock-fish of which it consisted. Dinner being over, the boys rushed out for their evening play; Kint and Vandam (the two ushers) of course followed them. Poor fellows! if they had not looked so very heavy, so very soulless, so very indifferent to all things in heaven above or in the earth beneath, I could have pitied them greatly for the obligation they were under to trail after those rough lads everywhere and at all times; even as it was, I felt disposed to scout myself as a privileged prig when I turned to ascend to my chamber, sure to find there, if not enjoyment, at least liberty; but this evening (as had often happened before) I was to be still farther distinguished.

I had indeed had a really long conversation with the cunning little politician, and when I got back to my room, I found that dinner was already halfway done. Being late for meals was against the rules of the place, and if it had been one of the Flemish ushers who arrived after the soup was cleared and the first course had begun, M. Pelet would probably have given him a public reprimand and would definitely have taken away both his soup and his fish. As it happened, that polite but biased gentleman just shook his head, and as I took my seat, unfolded my napkin, and silently said my unconventional grace, he kindly sent a servant to the kitchen to bring me a plate of carrot puree (since it was a meatless day), and withheld a portion of the stock fish that made up the first course for me. Once dinner was over, the boys dashed out to play, and Kint and Vandam (the two ushers) naturally followed them. Poor guys! If they hadn't looked so heavy, so lifeless, so completely disinterested in anything above or below, I might have felt sorry for them for having to constantly tag along with those rough kids. Even so, I found myself judging myself as a stuck-up snob when I decided to head up to my room, certain I would find there, if not enjoyment, at least freedom; but that evening (as had often happened before), I was going to stand out even more.

“Eh bien, mauvais sujet!” said the voice of M. Pelet behind me, as I set my foot on the first step of the stair. “Où allez-vous? Venez à la salle-à-manger, que je vous gronde un peu.”

“Well, look at you, troublemaker!” said Mr. Pelet's voice behind me as I stepped onto the first step of the stairs. “Where are you going? Come to the dining room so I can scold you a bit.”

“I beg pardon, monsieur,” said I, as I followed him to his private sitting-room, “for having returned so late—it was not my fault.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” I said as I followed him to his private sitting room, “for coming back so late—it wasn’t my fault.”

“That is just what I want to know,” rejoined M. Pelet, as he ushered me into the comfortable parlour with a good wood-fire—for the stove had now been removed for the season. Having rung the bell he ordered “Coffee for two,” and presently he and I were seated, almost in English comfort, one on each side of the hearth, a little round table between us, with a coffee-pot, a sugar-basin, and two large white china cups. While M. Pelet employed himself in choosing a cigar from a box, my thoughts reverted to the two outcast ushers, whose voices I could hear even now crying hoarsely for order in the playground.

"That's exactly what I want to know," replied M. Pelet, as he guided me into the cozy living room with a nice wood fire—since the stove had been taken out for the season. After ringing the bell, he ordered "Coffee for two," and soon we were seated, almost in English comfort, one on each side of the fireplace, with a small round table between us, holding a coffee pot, a sugar bowl, and two large white china cups. While M. Pelet busied himself picking a cigar from a box, my thoughts drifted back to the two outcast ushers, whose voices I could still hear calling hoarsely for order in the playground.

“C’est une grande responsabilité, que la surveillance,” observed I.

“It's a big responsibility, this oversight,” I remarked.

“Plait-il?” dit M. Pelet.

"What's that?" said Mr. Pelet.

I remarked that I thought Messieurs Vandam and Kint must sometimes be a little fatigued with their labours.

I mentioned that I thought Mr. Vandam and Mr. Kint must sometimes be a bit tired from their work.

“Des bêtes de somme—des bêtes de somme,” murmured scornfully the director. Meantime I offered him his cup of coffee.

“Beasts of burden—beasts of burden,” the director scoffed. Meanwhile, I handed him his cup of coffee.

“Servez-vous mon garçon,” said he blandly, when I had put a couple of huge lumps of continental sugar into his cup. “And now tell me why you stayed so long at Mdlle. Reuter’s. I know that lessons conclude, in her establishment as in mine, at four o’clock, and when you returned it was past five.”

“Help yourself, my boy,” he said pleasantly, when I had put a couple of big lumps of continental sugar into his cup. “And now tell me why you stayed so long at Mdlle. Reuter’s. I know that lessons finish, in her school just like mine, at four o’clock, and when you came back, it was past five.”

“Mdlle. wished to speak with me, monsieur.”

"Mademoiselle wanted to talk to me, sir."

“Indeed! on what subject? if one may ask.”

"Sure! What topic are we talking about, if you don't mind me asking?"

“Mademoiselle talked about nothing, monsieur.”

"She talked about nothing, sir."

“A fertile topic! and did she discourse thereon in the schoolroom, before the pupils?”

“A great topic! Did she talk about it in the classroom, in front of the students?”

“No; like you, monsieur, she asked me to walk into her parlour.”

“No; like you, sir, she asked me to come into her living room.”

“And Madame Reuter—the old duenna—my mother’s gossip, was there, of course?”

“And Madame Reuter—the old guardian—my mother’s gossip, was there, of course?”

“No, monsieur; I had the honour of being quite alone with mademoiselle.”

“No, sir; I had the privilege of being completely alone with the young lady.”

“C’est joli—cela,” observed M. Pelet, and he smiled and looked into the fire.

“It's nice—this,” remarked M. Pelet, and he smiled and gazed into the fire.

“Honi soit qui mal y pense,” murmured I, significantly.

“Honi soit qui mal y pense,” I murmured, meaningfully.

“Je connais un peu ma petite voisine—voyez-vous.”

“I'm a bit familiar with my little neighbor—you see.”

“In that case, monsieur will be able to aid me in finding out what was mademoiselle’s reason for making me sit before her sofa one mortal hour, listening to the most copious and fluent dissertation on the merest frivolities.”

“In that case, sir, you’ll be able to help me figure out why she made me sit in front of her sofa for a whole hour, listening to a lengthy speech about the most trivial things.”

“She was sounding your character.”

“She was testing your character.”

“I thought so, monsieur.”

"I thought so, sir."

“Did she find out your weak point?”

“Did she discover your weak spot?”

“What is my weak point?”

"What's my weak point?"

“Why, the sentimental. Any woman sinking her shaft deep enough, will at last reach a fathomless spring of sensibility in thy breast, Crimsworth.”

“Why, the sentimental. Any woman who goes deep enough will eventually tap into a bottomless well of sensitivity in your heart, Crimsworth.”

I felt the blood stir about my heart and rise warm to my cheek.

I felt my blood rush around my heart and warm up my cheek.

“Some women might, monsieur.”

“Some women might, sir.”

“Is Mdlle. Reuter of the number? Come, speak frankly, mon fils; elle est encore jeune, plus agée que toi peut-être, mais juste assez pour unir la tendresse d’une petite maman à l’amour d’une epouse dévouée; n’est-ce pas que cela t’irait supérieurement?”

“Is Mdlle. Reuter one of them? Come on, be honest, my son; she’s still young, maybe a bit older than you, but just old enough to combine the affection of a little mother with the love of a devoted wife; wouldn’t that suit you perfectly?”

“No, monsieur; I should like my wife to be my wife, and not half my mother.”

“No, sir; I want my wife to be my wife, not half my mother.”

“She is then a little too old for you?”

“She’s a bit too old for you then?”

“No, monsieur, not a day too old if she suited me in other things.”

“No, sir, she’s not a day too old if she meets my other requirements.”

“In what does she not suit you, William? She is personally agreeable, is she not?”

“In what way doesn't she suit you, William? She's pleasant, isn't she?”

“Very; her hair and complexion are just what I admire; and her turn of form, though quite Belgian, is full of grace.”

"Absolutely; her hair and skin are exactly what I love; and her figure, though distinctly Belgian, is elegant."

“Bravo! and her face? her features? How do you like them?”

“Bravo! And what about her face? Her features? How do you like them?”

“A little harsh, especially her mouth.”

“A bit harsh, especially her words.”

“Ah, yes! her mouth,” said M. Pelet, and he chuckled inwardly. “There is character about her mouth—firmness—but she has a very pleasant smile; don’t you think so?”

“Ah, yes! Her mouth,” said M. Pelet, chuckling to himself. “There’s a lot of character in her mouth—firmness—but she has a really nice smile; don’t you think?”

“Rather crafty.”

"Pretty clever."

“True, but that expression of craft is owing to her eyebrows; have you remarked her eyebrows?”

“True, but that expression of skill comes from her eyebrows; have you noticed her eyebrows?”

I answered that I had not.

I said I hadn't.

“You have not seen her looking down then?” said he.

"You haven't seen her looking down, have you?" he asked.

“No.”

“No.”

“It is a treat, notwithstanding. Observe her when she has some knitting, or some other woman’s work in hand, and sits the image of peace, calmly intent on her needles and her silk, some discussion meantime going on around her, in the course of which peculiarities of character are being developed, or important interests canvassed; she takes no part in it; her humble, feminine mind is wholly with her knitting; none of her features move; she neither presumes to smile approval, nor frown disapprobation; her little hands assiduously ply their unpretending task; if she can only get this purse finished, or this bonnet-grec completed, it is enough for her. If gentlemen approach her chair, a deeper quiescence, a meeker modesty settles on her features, and clothes her general mien; observe then her eyebrows, et dîtes-moi s’il n’y a pas du chat dans l’un et du renard dans l’autre.”

"It’s a sight to see, though. Watch her when she has some knitting or another woman's work in her hands, sitting there like a picture of peace, completely focused on her needles and silk, while discussions happen around her, revealing character quirks or debating important issues; she doesn’t engage in it. Her humble, feminine mind is fully absorbed in her knitting; her features don’t show any movement; she neither smiles in approval nor frowns in disapproval; her little hands diligently carry out their simple task. If she can just finish this purse or this bonnet, that’s enough for her. When gentlemen approach her chair, a deeper calmness and a gentler modesty cover her expression and overall demeanor; look closely at her eyebrows and tell me if one doesn’t seem a bit cat-like and the other a bit fox-like."

“I will take careful notice the first opportunity,” said I.

“I will pay close attention to the first chance I get,” I said.

“And then,” continued M. Pelet, “the eyelid will flicker, the light-coloured lashes be lifted a second, and a blue eye, glancing out from under the screen, will take its brief, sly, searching survey, and retreat again.”

“And then,” M. Pelet went on, “the eyelid will twitch, the light-colored lashes will lift for a moment, and a blue eye, peeking out from behind the shield, will quickly glance around before disappearing again.”

I smiled, and so did Pelet, and after a few minutes’ silence, I asked:

I smiled, and so did Pelet. After a few minutes of silence, I asked:

“Will she ever marry, do you think?”

"Do you think she'll ever get married?"

“Marry! Will birds pair? Of course it is both her intention and resolution to marry when she finds a suitable match, and no one is better aware than herself of the sort of impression she is capable of producing; no one likes better to captivate in a quiet way. I am mistaken if she will not yet leave the print of her stealing steps on thy heart, Crimsworth.”

“Really! Will birds mate? Of course, she intends and is determined to marry when she finds the right match, and no one knows better than she does the kind of impression she can make; no one enjoys captivating someone in a subtle way more than she does. I’d be surprised if she doesn’t leave the mark of her quiet charm on your heart, Crimsworth.”

“Of her steps? Confound it, no! My heart is not a plank to be walked on.”

“Her steps? No way! My heart isn’t something you can just walk on.”

“But the soft touch of a patte de velours will do it no harm.”

“But the gentle touch of a soft paw won't hurt it.”

“She offers me no patte de velours; she is all form and reserve with me.”

“She doesn’t give me any soft treatment; she’s all formal and distant with me.”

“That to begin with; let respect be the foundation, affection the first floor, love the superstructure; Mdlle. Reuter is a skilful architect.”

“Let respect be the foundation, affection the first floor, and love the superstructure; Mdlle. Reuter is a skilled architect.”

“And interest, M. Pelet—interest. Will not mademoiselle consider that point?”

“And interest, Mr. Pelet—interest. Won’t she consider that point?”

“Yes, yes, no doubt; it will be the cement between every stone. And now we have discussed the directress, what of the pupils? N’y a-t-il pas de belles études parmi ces jeunes têtes?”

“Yeah, for sure; it will be the glue between every stone. And now that we've talked about the director, what about the students? Aren't there some great studies among these young minds?”

“Studies of character? Yes; curious ones, at least, I imagine; but one cannot divine much from a first interview.”

“Character studies? Sure; interesting ones, I guess; but you can't learn much from a first meeting.”

“Ah, you affect discretion; but tell me now, were you not a little abashed before these blooming young creatures?”

“Ah, you pretend to be discreet; but tell me, weren't you a bit embarrassed in front of these beautiful young people?”

“At first, yes; but I rallied and got through with all due sang-froid.”

"At first, yes; but I pulled myself together and got through it all with complete calm."

“I don’t believe you.”

"I don't trust you."

“It is true, notwithstanding. At first I thought them angels, but they did not leave me long under that delusion; three of the eldest and handsomest undertook the task of setting me right, and they managed so cleverly that in five minutes I knew them, at least, for what they were—three arrant coquettes.”

"It’s true, though. At first, I thought they were angels, but they didn’t let me stay in that belief for long; three of the oldest and most attractive took it upon themselves to set me straight, and they did it so well that in just five minutes, I knew them, at least, for what they really were—three total flirts."

“Je les connais!” exclaimed M. Pelet. “Elles sont toujours au premier rang à l’eglise et à la promenade; une blonde superbe, une jolie espiègle, une belle brune.”

“I know them!” exclaimed Mr. Pelet. “They’re always at the front row in church and at the promenade; a stunning blonde, a pretty mischievous one, a beautiful brunette.”

“Exactly.”

"Exactly."

“Lovely creatures all of them—heads for artists; what a group they would make, taken together! Eulalie (I know their names), with her smooth braided hair and calm ivory brow. Hortense, with her rich chesnut locks so luxuriantly knotted, plaited, twisted, as if she did not know how to dispose of all their abundance, with her vermilion lips, damask cheek, and roguish laughing eye. And Caroline de Blemont! Ah, there is beauty! beauty in perfection. What a cloud of sable curls about the face of a houri! What fascinating lips! What glorious black eyes! Your Byron would have worshipped her, and you—you cold, frigid islander!—you played the austere, the insensible in the presence of an Aphrodite so exquisite?”

“Such lovely creatures—perfect for artists; what a stunning group they would make together! Eulalie (I know their names), with her smooth, braided hair and calm, ivory forehead. Hortense, with her rich chestnut hair so luxuriously styled, braided, and twisted, as if she didn’t know how to manage all that abundance, with her bright red lips, rosy cheeks, and mischievous, laughing eyes. And Caroline de Blemont! Ah, that’s real beauty! Beauty in its finest form. What a halo of black curls around the face of a goddess! What captivating lips! What striking black eyes! Your Byron would have adored her, and you—you cold, unemotional islander!—you acted all reserved and indifferent in the presence of such an exquisite Aphrodite?”

I might have laughed at the director’s enthusiasm had I believed it real, but there was something in his tone which indicated got-up raptures. I felt he was only affecting fervour in order to put me off my guard, to induce me to come out in return, so I scarcely even smiled. He went on:

I might have laughed at the director’s excitement if I thought it was genuine, but there was something in his tone that suggested it was all an act. I sensed he was only pretending to be passionate to catch me off guard and encourage me to respond in kind, so I barely even smiled. He continued:

“Confess, William, do not the mere good looks of Zoraïde Reuter appear dowdyish and commonplace compared with the splendid charms of some of her pupils?”

“Admit it, William, don't Zoraïde Reuter's good looks seem dull and ordinary compared to the stunning beauty of some of her students?”

The question discomposed me, but I now felt plainly that my principal was endeavouring (for reasons best known to himself—at that time I could not fathom them) to excite ideas and wishes in my mind alien to what was right and honourable. The iniquity of the instigation proved its antidote, and when he further added:—

The question threw me off, but I now clearly felt that my principal was trying (for reasons only he knew—at that time, I couldn't understand them) to spark thoughts and desires in me that were against what was right and honorable. The wrongness of his suggestion acted as its own remedy, and when he went on to add:—

“Each of those three beautiful girls will have a handsome fortune; and with a little address, a gentlemanlike, intelligent young fellow like you might make himself master of the hand, heart, and purse of any one of the trio.”

“Each of those three beautiful girls will have a great fortune; and with a little charm, a gentlemanly, smart young guy like you could win the hand, heart, and wealth of any one of the three.”

I replied by a look and an interrogative “Monsieur?” which startled him.

I responded with a look and a questioning “Sir?” that caught him off guard.

He laughed a forced laugh, affirmed that he had only been joking, and demanded whether I could possibly have thought him in earnest. Just then the bell rang; the play-hour was over; it was an evening on which M. Pelet was accustomed to read passages from the drama and the belles lettres to his pupils. He did not wait for my answer, but rising, left the room, humming as he went some gay strain of Béranger’s.

He let out a forced laugh, insisted he was just joking, and asked if I could have seriously thought he meant it. Just then, the bell rang; playtime was over. It was an evening when M. Pelet usually read excerpts from plays and classic literature to his students. He didn't wait for my response but got up and left the room, humming a cheerful tune by Béranger as he went.

CHAPTER XII.

DAILY, as I continued my attendance at the seminary of Mdlle. Reuter, did I find fresh occasions to compare the ideal with the real. What had I known of female character previously to my arrival at Brussels? Precious little. And what was my notion of it? Something vague, slight, gauzy, glittering; now when I came in contact with it I found it to be a palpable substance enough; very hard too sometimes, and often heavy; there was metal in it, both lead and iron.

DAILY, as I kept attending Mdlle. Reuter's seminary, I found new reasons to compare the ideal with the real. What had I really known about women before I got to Brussels? Very little. And what did I think of it? Something vague, light, airy, and shiny; but once I encountered it, I realized it was a very tangible substance; sometimes quite tough, and often burdensome; there was weight to it, both lead and iron.

Let the idealists, the dreamers about earthly angel and human flowers, just look here while I open my portfolio and show them a sketch or two, pencilled after nature. I took these sketches in the second-class schoolroom of Mdlle. Reuter’s establishment, where about a hundred specimens of the genus “jeune fille” collected together offered a fertile variety of subject. A miscellaneous assortment they were, differing both in caste and country; as I sat on my estrade and glanced over the long range of desks, I had under my eye French, English, Belgians, Austrians, and Prussians. The majority belonged to the class bourgeois; but there were many countesses, there were the daughters of two generals and of several colonels, captains, and government employés: these ladies sat side by side with young females destined to be demoiselles de magasins, and with some Flamandes, genuine aborigines of the country. In dress all were nearly similar, and in manners there was small difference; exceptions there were to the general rule, but the majority gave the tone to the establishment, and that tone was rough, boisterous, masked by a point-blank disregard of all forbearance towards each other or their teachers; an eager pursuit by each individual of her own interest and convenience; and a coarse indifference to the interest and convenience of every one else. Most of them could lie with audacity when it appeared advantageous to do so. All understood the art of speaking fair when a point was to be gained, and could with consummate skill and at a moment’s notice turn the cold shoulder the instant civility ceased to be profitable. Very little open quarrelling ever took place amongst them; but backbiting and talebearing were universal. Close friendships were forbidden by the rules of the school, and no one girl seemed to cultivate more regard for another than was just necessary to secure a companion when solitude would have been irksome. They were each and all supposed to have been reared in utter unconsciousness of vice. The precautions used to keep them ignorant, if not innocent, were innumerable. How was it, then, that scarcely one of those girls having attained the age of fourteen could look a man in the face with modesty and propriety? An air of bold, impudent flirtation, or a loose, silly leer, was sure to answer the most ordinary glance from a masculine eye. I know nothing of the arcana of the Roman Catholic religion, and I am not a bigot in matters of theology, but I suspect the root of this precocious impurity, so obvious, so general in Popish countries, is to be found in the discipline, if not the doctrines of the Church of Rome. I record what I have seen: these girls belonged to what are called the respectable ranks of society; they had all been carefully brought up, yet was the mass of them mentally depraved. So much for the general view: now for one or two selected specimens.

Let the idealists and dreamers about earthly angels and human beauties just take a look while I open my portfolio and show them a couple of sketches I drew from life. I made these sketches in the second-class classroom of Mdlle. Reuter’s school, where about a hundred examples of the “young girl” type gathered together offered a rich variety of subjects. They were a mixed bunch, different in background and nationality; as I sat on my platform and scanned the long line of desks, I saw French, English, Belgian, Austrian, and Prussian students. Most were from the bourgeois class; but there were many countesses, as well as the daughters of two generals and several colonels, captains, and government employees. These young women sat alongside girls who were destined to be shopkeepers and a few native Flemish girls. In terms of clothing, they all looked quite similar, and there was little difference in manners; there were exceptions to the rule, but the majority set the tone for the school, which was rough and boisterous, marked by a blatant disregard for civility towards one another and their teachers. Each one was keen on pursuing her own interests and convenience, showing little concern for anyone else's needs. Most could lie without hesitation when it seemed advantageous, and they all knew how to speak nicely when it served their purpose, expertly turning cold the moment kindness ceased to be beneficial. Open quarrels were rare among them, but gossip and backbiting were rampant. Close friendships were prohibited by the school's rules, and no girl appeared to foster more regard for another than what was necessary to avoid loneliness. They were all supposedly raised in complete ignorance of vice. The measures taken to keep them uninformed, if not innocent, were countless. So how is it that hardly any of those girls who reached the age of fourteen could look a man in the eye with dignity and propriety? A bold, cheeky flirtation or a foolish, suggestive stare was guaranteed to respond to the slightest glance from a man. I don’t know much about the intricacies of Roman Catholicism, and I’m not a bigot when it comes to theology, but I suspect the source of this early corruption, so evident and widespread in Catholic countries, lies in the discipline, if not the beliefs, of the Church of Rome. I’m simply recording what I’ve observed: these girls belonged to what are considered the respectable classes of society; they had all been raised with care, yet many of them were mentally corrupted. That’s the general overview; now let’s look at a few selected examples.

The first picture is a full length of Aurelia Koslow, a German fraulein, or rather a half-breed between German and Russian. She is eighteen years of age, and has been sent to Brussels to finish her education; she is of middle size, stiffly made, body long, legs short, bust much developed but not compactly moulded, waist disproportionately compressed by an inhumanly braced corset, dress carefully arranged, large feet tortured into small bottines, head small, hair smoothed, braided, oiled, and gummed to perfection; very low forehead, very diminutive and vindictive grey eyes, somewhat Tartar features, rather flat nose, rather high-cheek bones, yet the ensemble not positively ugly; tolerably good complexion. So much for person. As to mind, deplorably ignorant and ill-informed: incapable of writing or speaking correctly even German, her native tongue, a dunce in French, and her attempts at learning English a mere farce, yet she has been at school twelve years; but as she invariably gets her exercises, of every description, done by a fellow pupil, and reads her lessons off a book concealed in her lap, it is not wonderful that her progress has been so snail-like. I do not know what Aurelia’s daily habits of life are, because I have not the opportunity of observing her at all times; but from what I see of the state of her desk, books, and papers, I should say she is slovenly and even dirty; her outward dress, as I have said, is well attended to, but in passing behind her bench, I have remarked that her neck is gray for want of washing, and her hair, so glossy with gum and grease, is not such as one feels tempted to pass the hand over, much less to run the fingers through. Aurelia’s conduct in class, at least when I am present, is something extraordinary, considered as an index of girlish innocence. The moment I enter the room, she nudges her next neighbour and indulges in a half-suppressed laugh. As I take my seat on the estrade, she fixes her eye on me; she seems resolved to attract, and, if possible, monopolize my notice: to this end she launches at me all sorts of looks, languishing, provoking, leering, laughing. As I am found quite proof against this sort of artillery—for we scorn what, unasked, is lavishly offered—she has recourse to the expedient of making noises; sometimes she sighs, sometimes groans, sometimes utters inarticulate sounds, for which language has no name. If, in walking up the schoolroom, I pass near her, she puts out her foot that it may touch mine; if I do not happen to observe the manoeuvre, and my boot comes in contact with her brodequin, she affects to fall into convulsions of suppressed laughter; if I notice the snare and avoid it, she expresses her mortification in sullen muttering, where I hear myself abused in bad French, pronounced with an intolerable Low German accent.

The first image is a full-length shot of Aurelia Koslow, a German girl, or rather a mix of German and Russian. She’s eighteen years old and has been sent to Brussels to finish her education. She’s of average height, with a stiff build; her body is long, her legs are short, her bust is well-developed but not well-proportioned, and her waist is excessively squeezed by an uncomfortably tight corset. Her dress is neatly arranged, her large feet are forced into small boots, her head is small, and her hair is slicked back, braided, oiled, and glued down perfectly. She has a very low forehead, tiny and spiteful gray eyes, somewhat Tartar features, a flat nose, and high cheekbones, yet overall she’s not completely unattractive; her complexion is decent. That’s enough about her appearance. As for her mind, it’s unfortunately not very bright and poorly informed: she can’t write or speak German correctly, her native language, she struggles with French, and her attempts to learn English are a joke, despite being in school for twelve years. However, she consistently gets a classmate to do her assignments for her and reads her lessons from a book hidden in her lap, so it’s no surprise that her progress is so slow. I don’t know what Aurelia’s daily routine is like, because I haven’t had the chance to observe her all the time, but from what I see of her desk, books, and papers, I would say she is messy and even dirty. As I mentioned, her outward appearance is well-maintained, but when I walk behind her bench, I notice that her neck is unwashed and gray, and her hair, which is shiny from the gum and grease, is not the kind you want to touch, let alone run your fingers through. Aurelia’s behavior in class, at least when I’m there, is quite remarkable, especially for a girl of her age. The moment I enter the room, she nudges her neighbor and giggles quietly. When I take my seat at the front, she stares at me; she seems determined to get my attention and, if possible, dominate it. To achieve this, she throws all kinds of looks my way—longing, teasing, mocking, laughing. Since I’m completely immune to this type of attention—after all, we don’t value what is offered without invitation—she resorts to making noises; sometimes she sighs, sometimes groans, and sometimes makes unintelligible sounds that language can’t even name. If I walk past her in the classroom, she stretches out her foot to touch mine; if I don’t notice and my shoe bumps into her shoe, she pretends to burst into fits of suppressed laughter. If I do catch her trick and avoid it, she shows her disappointment by muttering sulkily, where I can hear her insulting me in bad French, pronounced with an unbearable Low German accent.

Not far from Mdlle. Koslow sits another young lady by name Adèle Dronsart: this is a Belgian, rather low of stature, in form heavy, with broad waist, short neck and limbs, good red and white complexion, features well chiselled and regular, well-cut eyes of a clear brown colour, light brown hair, good teeth, age not much above fifteen, but as full-grown as a stout young Englishwoman of twenty. This portrait gives the idea of a somewhat dumpy but good-looking damsel, does it not? Well, when I looked along the row of young heads, my eye generally stopped at this of Adèle’s; her gaze was ever waiting for mine, and it frequently succeeded in arresting it. She was an unnatural-looking being—so young, fresh, blooming, yet so Gorgon-like. Suspicion, sullen ill-temper were on her forehead, vicious propensities in her eye, envy and panther-like deceit about her mouth. In general she sat very still; her massive shape looked as if it could not bend much, nor did her large head—so broad at the base, so narrow towards the top—seem made to turn readily on her short neck. She had but two varieties of expression; the prevalent one a forbidding, dissatisfied scowl, varied sometimes by a most pernicious and perfidious smile. She was shunned by her fellow-pupils, for, bad as many of them were, few were as bad as she.

Not far from Mlle. Koslow sits another young lady named Adèle Dronsart: she’s a Belgian, rather short, heavy-set, with a broad waist, short neck and limbs, a nice red and white complexion, well-defined and regular features, nicely-shaped clear brown eyes, light brown hair, nice teeth, and she’s just above fifteen, but looks as full-grown as a sturdy young Englishwoman of twenty. This description paints her as somewhat dumpy but still attractive, right? Well, when I scanned the row of young faces, my gaze often landed on Adèle's; her eyes seemed to always be searching for mine, and they frequently caught my attention. She was an unusual sight—so young, fresh, and vibrant, yet also quite Gorgon-like. There was suspicion and sullen anger on her forehead, a hint of wickedness in her eye, and envy and deceit lurking around her mouth. Usually, she sat very still; her heavy frame seemed like it couldn't bend much, and her large head—broad at the base and narrow towards the top—didn’t appear to turn easily on her short neck. She had only two expressions; the dominant one was a forbidding, dissatisfied scowl, occasionally broken by a sly and deceitful smile. Her classmates avoided her, because, as bad as many were, few were as bad as Adèle.

Aurelia and Adèle were in the first division of the second class; the second division was headed by a pensionnaire named Juanna Trista. This girl was of mixed Belgian and Spanish origin; her Flemish mother was dead, her Catalonian father was a merchant residing in the —— Isles, where Juanna had been born and whence she was sent to Europe to be educated. I wonder that any one, looking at that girl’s head and countenance, would have received her under their roof. She had precisely the same shape of skull as Pope Alexander the Sixth; her organs of benevolence, veneration, conscientiousness, adhesiveness, were singularly small, those of self-esteem, firmness, destructiveness, combativeness, preposterously large; her head sloped up in the penthouse shape, was contracted about the forehead, and prominent behind; she had rather good, though large and marked features; her temperament was fibrous and bilious, her complexion pale and dark, hair and eyes black, form angular and rigid but proportionate, age fifteen.

Aurelia and Adèle were in the first division of the second class; the second division was led by a student named Juanna Trista. This girl had mixed Belgian and Spanish heritage; her Flemish mother had passed away, and her Catalonian father was a merchant living in the —— Isles, where Juanna was born and sent to Europe for her education. I’m surprised that anyone would allow that girl into their home, just by looking at her head and face. She had exactly the same shape of skull as Pope Alexander the Sixth; her organs for kindness, respect, duty, and attachment were unusually small, while those for self-esteem, determination, destructiveness, and aggression were ridiculously large; her head sloped upwards like a penthouse, was narrow around the forehead, and prominent at the back; she had somewhat attractive, though large and distinct, features; her temperament was fibrous and bilious, her complexion pale and dark, with black hair and eyes, and an angular, rigid but proportionate body, at fifteen years old.

Juanna was not very thin, but she had a gaunt visage, and her “regard” was fierce and hungry; narrow as was her brow, it presented space enough for the legible graving of two words, Mutiny and Hate; in some one of her other lineaments—I think the eye—cowardice had also its distinct cipher. Mdlle. Trista thought fit to trouble my first lessons with a coarse work-day sort of turbulence; she made noises with her mouth like a horse, she ejected her saliva, she uttered brutal expressions; behind and below her were seated a band of very vulgar, inferior-looking Flamandes, including two or three examples of that deformity of person and imbecility of intellect whose frequency in the Low Countries would seem to furnish proof that the climate is such as to induce degeneracy of the human mind and body; these, I soon found, were completely under her influence, and with their aid she got up and sustained a swinish tumult, which I was constrained at last to quell by ordering her and two of her tools to rise from their seats, and, having kept them standing five minutes, turning them bodily out of the schoolroom: the accomplices into a large place adjoining called the grands salle; the principal into a cabinet, of which I closed the door and pocketed the key. This judgment I executed in the presence of Mdlle. Reuter, who looked much aghast at beholding so decided a proceeding—the most severe that had ever been ventured on in her establishment. Her look of affright I answered with one of composure, and finally with a smile, which perhaps flattered, and certainly soothed her. Juanna Trista remained in Europe long enough to repay, by malevolence and ingratitude, all who had ever done her a good turn; and she then went to join her father in the —— Isles, exulting in the thought that she should there have slaves, whom, as she said, she could kick and strike at will.

Juanna wasn't very thin, but she had a gaunt face, and her gaze was fierce and hungry; although her brow was narrow, it had enough space for the clear engraving of two words: Mutiny and Hate. In some of her other features—I think it was her eye—there was also a distinct sign of cowardice. Mdlle. Trista decided to disrupt my early lessons with a rough, everyday kind of chaos; she made horse-like noises, spat, and said crude things. Behind and below her sat a group of very low-class, inferior-looking Flemish students, including two or three who were physically deformed and mentally challenged, which seemed to suggest that the climate in the Low Countries led to a deterioration of both mind and body. I soon realized they were completely under her control, and with their help, she created a disgusting uproar. Eventually, I had to put a stop to it by ordering her and two of her followers to stand up from their seats. After making them stand for five minutes, I physically threw them out of the classroom: the accomplices into a large area next door called the grands salle, and the main troublemaker into a small room, which I locked and pocketed the key. I carried out this decision in front of Mdlle. Reuter, who looked shocked to see such a decisive action—the most severe ever taken in her school. I responded to her look of fear with one of calm and finally with a smile, which perhaps flattered her and definitely put her at ease. Juanna Trista stayed in Europe long enough to repay, with malice and ingratitude, everyone who had ever helped her; then she went to join her father in the —— Isles, relishing the thought that she would have slaves there whom, as she claimed, she could kick and hit at will.

These three pictures are from the life. I possess others, as marked and as little agreeable, but I will spare my reader the exhibition of them.

These three pictures are from real life. I have others, just as marked and just as unpleasant, but I’ll spare my reader from seeing them.

Doubtless it will be thought that I ought now, by way of contrast, to show something charming; some gentle virgin head, circled with a halo, some sweet personification of innocence, clasping the dove of peace to her bosom. No: I saw nothing of the sort, and therefore cannot portray it. The pupil in the school possessing the happiest disposition was a young girl from the country, Louise Path; she was sufficiently benevolent and obliging, but not well taught nor well mannered; moreover, the plague-spot of dissimulation was in her also; honour and principle were unknown to her, she had scarcely heard their names. The least exceptionable pupil was the poor little Sylvie I have mentioned once before. Sylvie was gentle in manners, intelligent in mind; she was even sincere, as far as her religion would permit her to be so, but her physical organization was defective; weak health stunted her growth and chilled her spirits, and then, destined as she was for the cloister, her whole soul was warped to a conventual bias, and in the tame, trained subjection of her manner, one read that she had already prepared herself for her future course of life, by giving up her independence of thought and action into the hands of some despotic confessor. She permitted herself no original opinion, no preference of companion or employment; in everything she was guided by another. With a pale, passive, automaton air, she went about all day long doing what she was bid; never what she liked, or what, from innate conviction, she thought it right to do. The poor little future religieuse had been early taught to make the dictates of her own reason and conscience quite subordinate to the will of her spiritual director. She was the model pupil of Mdlle. Reuter’s establishment; pale, blighted image, where life lingered feebly, but whence the soul had been conjured by Romish wizard-craft!

It’s likely that people think I should now, for contrast, describe something charming; perhaps a gentle young woman surrounded by a halo, or a sweet embodiment of innocence holding the dove of peace to her chest. But no, I didn’t see anything like that, so I can’t portray it. The happiest student in the school was a country girl named Louise Path; she was kind and helpful, but not well-educated or refined. Additionally, she displayed the troubling trait of insincerity; principles and honor were alien to her, and she had barely heard those words. The least objectionable student was the poor little Sylvie I mentioned before. Sylvie was gentle and thoughtful; she was sincere as much as her religion allowed her, but her physical health was weak. This weakened condition stunted her growth and dampened her spirit, and since she was meant for the convent, her entire being was already directed towards that life. Her subdued demeanor showed she had surrendered her independence of thought and action to some controlling confessor. She had no original opinions, no preference for friends or activities; she was guided by someone else in everything. With a pale, passive look, she spent her days doing what she was told, never what she wanted, or what she truly believed was right. The poor little future nun had been taught from a young age to place the commands of her own reason and conscience under the authority of her spiritual director. She was the ideal student of Mdlle. Reuter’s establishment; a pale, withered figure, where life barely flickered, but from which the soul had been extracted by Roman magic!

A few English pupils there were in this school, and these might be divided into two classes. 1st. The continental English—the daughters chiefly of broken adventurers, whom debt or dishonour had driven from their own country. These poor girls had never known the advantages of settled homes, decorous example, or honest Protestant education; resident a few months now in one Catholic school, now in another, as their parents wandered from land to land—from France to Germany, from Germany to Belgium—they had picked up some scanty instruction, many bad habits, losing every notion even of the first elements of religion and morals, and acquiring an imbecile indifference to every sentiment that can elevate humanity; they were distinguishable by an habitual look of sullen dejection, the result of crushed self-respect and constant browbeating from their Popish fellow-pupils, who hated them as English, and scorned them as heretics.

There were a few English students in this school, and they could be divided into two groups. First, the continental English—mostly the daughters of failed adventurers, who had been driven from their own country by debt or disgrace. These unfortunate girls had never experienced the benefits of stable homes, proper role models, or honest Protestant education; moving from one Catholic school to another, as their parents traveled from place to place—from France to Germany, from Germany to Belgium—they had picked up some minimal education, many bad habits, losing any understanding of even the basics of religion and morals, and developing a mindless indifference to any values that could uplift humanity. They were marked by a constant expression of sullen sadness, a result of crushed self-esteem and ongoing bullying from their Catholic classmates, who despised them as English and looked down on them as heretics.

The second class were British English. Of these I did not encounter half a dozen during the whole time of my attendance at the seminary; their characteristics were clean but careless dress, ill-arranged hair (compared with the tight and trim foreigners), erect carriage, flexible figures, white and taper hands, features more irregular, but also more intellectual than those of the Belgians, grave and modest countenances, a general air of native propriety and decency; by this last circumstance alone I could at a glance distinguish the daughter of Albion and nursling of Protestantism from the foster-child of Rome, the protégé of Jesuistry: proud, too, was the aspect of these British girls; at once envied and ridiculed by their continental associates, they warded off insult with austere civility, and met hate with mute disdain; they eschewed company-keeping, and in the midst of numbers seemed to dwell isolated.

The second group was British English. I didn't come across more than a handful of them during my entire time at the seminary. They had a unique look, with clean but casual outfits, messy hair (compared to the neat and tidy foreigners), a straight posture, flexible figures, white and slender hands, features that were more irregular yet also more intelligent than those of the Belgians, serious and modest expressions, and an overall vibe of native propriety and decency. Just by this last trait, I could easily tell the daughter of Albion and the nursling of Protestantism apart from the foster-child of Rome, the protégé of Jesuit influence. These British girls carried themselves with pride; they were both envied and mocked by their continental peers, yet they responded to insults with cold politeness and faced hatred with silent disdain. They avoided forming close friendships, often seeming isolated even when surrounded by others.

The teachers presiding over this mixed multitude were three in number, all French—their names Mdlles. Zéphyrine, Pélagie, and Suzette; the two last were commonplace personages enough; their look was ordinary, their manner was ordinary, their temper was ordinary, their thoughts, feelings, and views were all ordinary—were I to write a chapter on the subject I could not elucidate it further. Zéphyrine was somewhat more distinguished in appearance and deportment than Pélagie and Suzette, but in character genuine Parisian coquette, perfidious, mercenary, and dry-hearted. A fourth maîtresse I sometimes saw who seemed to come daily to teach needlework, or netting, or lace-mending, or some such flimsy art; but of her I never had more than a passing glimpse, as she sat in the carré, with her frames and some dozen of the elder pupils about her, consequently I had no opportunity of studying her character, or even of observing her person much; the latter, I remarked, had a very English air for a maîtresse, otherwise it was not striking; of character I should think she possessed but little, as her pupils seemed constantly “en revolte” against her authority. She did not reside in the house; her name, I think, was Mdlle. Henri.

The teachers overseeing this mixed group were three in total, all French—their names were Mademoiselles Zéphyrine, Pélagie, and Suzette. The last two were pretty ordinary; their appearance was average, their behavior was typical, their temperament was normal, and their thoughts, feelings, and opinions were all unremarkable—if I were to write a chapter on this topic, I couldn't explain it any more clearly. Zéphyrine had a somewhat more distinguished presence and demeanor than Pélagie and Suzette, but in character, she was a true Parisian coquette—deceitful, materialistic, and lacking warmth. There was a fourth teacher I occasionally saw who seemed to come every day to teach sewing, knitting, lace-making, or some other delicate craft; however, I only got brief glimpses of her as she sat in the carré, with her frames and a dozen of the older students around her, so I had no chance to really observe her personality or even to see her well. I noticed she had a very English vibe for a teacher, but otherwise, she didn't stand out; in terms of character, I assumed she had very little since her students always seemed to be rebellious against her authority. She didn’t live in the building; I think her name was Mademoiselle Henri.

Amidst this assemblage of all that was insignificant and defective, much that was vicious and repulsive (by that last epithet many would have described the two or three stiff, silent, decently behaved, ill-dressed British girls), the sensible, sagacious, affable directress shone like a steady star over a marsh full of Jack-o’-lanthorns; profoundly aware of her superiority, she derived an inward bliss from that consciousness which sustained her under all the care and responsibility inseparable from her position; it kept her temper calm, her brow smooth, her manner tranquil. She liked—as who would not?—on entering the school-room, to feel that her sole presence sufficed to diffuse that order and quiet which all the remonstrances, and even commands, of her underlings frequently failed to enforce; she liked to stand in comparison, or rather—contrast, with those who surrounded her, and to know that in personal as well as mental advantages, she bore away the undisputed palm of preference—(the three teachers were all plain.) Her pupils she managed with such indulgence and address, taking always on herself the office of recompenser and eulogist, and abandoning to her subalterns every invidious task of blame and punishment, that they all regarded her with deference, if not with affection; her teachers did not love her, but they submitted because they were her inferiors in everything; the various masters who attended her school were each and all in some way or other under her influence; over one she had acquired power by her skilful management of his bad temper; over another by little attentions to his petty caprices; a third she had subdued by flattery; a fourth—a timid man—she kept in awe by a sort of austere decision of mien; me, she still watched, still tried by the most ingenious tests—she roved round me, baffled, yet persevering; I believe she thought I was like a smooth and bare precipice, which offered neither jutting stone nor tree-root, nor tuft of grass to aid the climber. Now she flattered with exquisite tact, now she moralized, now she tried how far I was accessible to mercenary motives, then she disported on the brink of affection—knowing that some men are won by weakness—anon, she talked excellent sense, aware that others have the folly to admire judgment. I found it at once pleasant and easy to evade all these efforts; it was sweet, when she thought me nearly won, to turn round and to smile in her very eyes, half scornfully, and then to witness her scarcely veiled, though mute mortification. Still she persevered, and at last, I am bound to confess it, her finger, essaying, proving every atom of the casket, touched its secret spring, and for a moment the lid sprung open; she laid her hand on the jewel within; whether she stole and broke it, or whether the lid shut again with a snap on her fingers, read on, and you shall know.

Amidst this group of everything that was unimportant and flawed, there was a lot that was wicked and disgusting (many would have described the two or three stiff, silent, well-behaved, poorly dressed British girls using that last term). The sensible, wise, and friendly director stood out like a steady star over a marsh filled with will-o'-the-wisps; fully aware of her superiority, she found an inner happiness in that awareness which helped her bear all the care and responsibility that came with her position; it kept her calm, her brow smooth, and her manner relaxed. She enjoyed—who wouldn’t?—walking into the classroom and feeling that her mere presence was enough to bring order and calm that her subordinates’ protests and even commands often failed to achieve; she liked to compare, or rather contrast, herself with those around her, knowing that in both personal and intellectual attributes, she was clearly the most favored—(the three teachers were all plain). She managed her students with such patience and skill, always taking on the role of rewarder and praise-giver, leaving her subordinates to handle any unpleasant task of blame and punishment, so they all regarded her with respect, if not affection; her teachers didn’t love her, but they complied because they were inferior to her in every way; the various masters who taught at her school were all, in one way or another, under her influence; she had gained power over one through her clever handling of his bad temper; over another through little attentions to his minor whims; a third one she had subdued through flattery; a fourth—who was timid—she kept in awe with her stern manner; as for me, she continued to observe and test me with the most inventive methods—she circled around me, baffled yet determined; I believe she thought I was like a smooth and bare cliff, offering no jutting stone, tree root, or tuft of grass to help a climber. Sometimes she flattered me with great finesse, other times she moralized, then she tried to see how far I could be swayed by material incentives, at other times she toyed with affection—knowing that some men respond to weakness—then she spoke with solid sense, knowing that others are foolish enough to admire intellect. I found it both enjoyable and easy to evade all these attempts; it was delightful, when she thought I was almost won over, to turn and smile directly into her eyes, half scornfully, then watch her barely concealed, silent mortification. Still, she persisted, and eventually, I must admit, her finger, probing every part of the box, found its secret latch, and for a moment, the lid popped open; she touched the jewel inside; whether she stole it and broke it or whether the lid snapped shut on her fingers, read on, and you’ll find out.

It happened that I came one day to give a lesson when I was indisposed; I had a bad cold and a cough; two hours’ incessant talking left me very hoarse and tired; as I quitted the schoolroom, and was passing along the corridor, I met Mdlle. Reuter; she remarked, with an anxious air, that I looked very pale and tired. “Yes,” I said, “I was fatigued;” and then, with increased interest, she rejoined, “You shall not go away till you have had some refreshment.” She persuaded me to step into the parlour, and was very kind and gentle while I stayed. The next day she was kinder still; she came herself into the class to see that the windows were closed, and that there was no draught; she exhorted me with friendly earnestness not to over-exert myself; when I went away, she gave me her hand unasked, and I could not but mark, by a respectful and gentle pressure, that I was sensible of the favour, and grateful for it. My modest demonstration kindled a little merry smile on her countenance; I thought her almost charming. During the remainder of the evening, my mind was full of impatience for the afternoon of the next day to arrive, that I might see her again.

One day, I showed up to give a lesson when I was under the weather; I had a bad cold and a cough. After two hours of non-stop talking, I was hoarse and exhausted. As I was leaving the classroom and walking down the hallway, I ran into Mdlle. Reuter. She noticed, looking concerned, that I seemed very pale and tired. “Yes,” I replied, “I’m just worn out.” With more interest, she insisted, “You won’t leave until you’ve had something to eat.” She convinced me to step into the parlor, where she was very kind and gentle while I was there. The next day, she was even nicer; she came into the classroom herself to make sure the windows were closed and there was no draft. She earnestly advised me not to push myself too much. When I left, she took my hand without me asking, and I made sure to show my appreciation with a respectful, gentle squeeze. My slight gesture brought a little smile to her face, and I found her almost charming. The rest of the evening, I was filled with anticipation for the next afternoon, eager to see her again.

I was not disappointed, for she sat in the class during the whole of my subsequent lesson, and often looked at me almost with affection. At four o’clock she accompanied me out of the schoolroom, asking with solicitude after my health, then scolding me sweetly because I spoke too loud and gave myself too much trouble; I stopped at the glass-door which led into the garden, to hear her lecture to the end; the door was open, it was a very fine day, and while I listened to the soothing reprimand, I looked at the sunshine and flowers, and felt very happy. The day-scholars began to pour from the schoolrooms into the passage.

I wasn't disappointed, because she stayed in the class for the entire lesson that followed and often glanced at me almost fondly. At four o'clock, she walked out of the classroom with me, asking with concern about my health, then playfully scolding me for speaking too loudly and putting in too much effort; I paused at the glass door that led to the garden to hear her lecture until the end. The door was open, it was a beautiful day, and while I listened to her gentle reprimand, I admired the sunshine and flowers, feeling really happy. The day students began to stream out of the classrooms into the hallway.

“Will you go into the garden a minute or two,” asked she, “till they are gone?”

“Will you step into the garden for a minute or two,” she asked, “until they leave?”

I descended the steps without answering, but I looked back as much as to say—

I went down the stairs without saying anything, but I glanced back as if to say—

“You will come with me?”

"Are you coming with me?"

In another minute I and the directress were walking side by side down the alley bordered with fruit-trees, whose white blossoms were then in full blow as well as their tender green leaves. The sky was blue, the air still, the May afternoon was full of brightness and fragrance. Released from the stifling class, surrounded with flowers and foliage, with a pleasing, smiling, affable woman at my side—how did I feel? Why, very enviably. It seemed as if the romantic visions my imagination had suggested of this garden, while it was yet hidden from me by the jealous boards, were more than realized; and, when a turn in the alley shut out the view of the house, and some tall shrubs excluded M. Pelet’s mansion, and screened us momentarily from the other houses, rising amphitheatre-like round this green spot, I gave my arm to Mdlle. Reuter, and led her to a garden-chair, nestled under some lilacs near. She sat down; I took my place at her side. She went on talking to me with that ease which communicates ease, and, as I listened, a revelation dawned in my mind that I was on the brink of falling in love. The dinner-bell rang, both at her house and M. Pelet’s; we were obliged to part; I detained her a moment as she was moving away.

In a minute, the director and I were walking side by side down the path lined with fruit trees, their white blossoms fully in bloom alongside their tender green leaves. The sky was blue, the air was calm, and the May afternoon was bright and fragrant. Released from the stuffy classroom, surrounded by flowers and greenery, with a pleasant, smiling, friendly woman by my side—how did I feel? Well, pretty lucky. It felt like the romantic visions my imagination had conjured of this garden while it was still hidden from me by those stubborn boards were more than fulfilled; and when a bend in the path blocked the view of the house, and some tall bushes shielded us from M. Pelet’s place, giving us a momentary break from the other houses that rose around this green oasis, I offered my arm to Mdlle. Reuter and led her to a garden chair nestled under some lilacs nearby. She sat down, and I took my seat next to her. She continued talking to me with that soothing ease that makes one feel at ease, and, as I listened, I realized I was on the verge of falling in love. The dinner bell rang at both her house and M. Pelet’s; we had to part, but I held her back for a moment as she started to leave.

“I want something,” said I.

“I want something,” I said.

“What?” asked Zoraïde naively.

“What?” asked Zoraïde, confused.

“Only a flower.”

“Just a flower.”

“Gather it then—or two, or twenty, if you like.”

“Go ahead and gather it—whether it’s one, two, or twenty, it’s up to you.”

“No—one will do—but you must gather it, and give it to me.”

“No one else will do—you have to collect it and give it to me.”

“What a caprice!” she exclaimed, but she raised herself on her tip-toes, and, plucking a beautiful branch of lilac, offered it to me with grace. I took it, and went away, satisfied for the present, and hopeful for the future.

“What a whim!” she exclaimed, but she stood on her tiptoes, and, picking a beautiful branch of lilac, offered it to me gracefully. I took it and walked away, content for now and optimistic for the future.

Certainly that May day was a lovely one, and it closed in moonlight night of summer warmth and serenity. I remember this well; for, having sat up late that evening, correcting devoirs, and feeling weary and a little oppressed with the closeness of my small room, I opened the often-mentioned boarded window, whose boards, however, I had persuaded old Madame Pelet to have removed since I had filled the post of professor in the pensionnat de demoiselles, as, from that time, it was no longer “inconvenient” for me to overlook my own pupils at their sports. I sat down in the window-seat, rested my arm on the sill, and leaned out: above me was the clear-obscure of a cloudless night sky—splendid moonlight subdued the tremulous sparkle of the stars—below lay the garden, varied with silvery lustre and deep shade, and all fresh with dew—a grateful perfume exhaled from the closed blossoms of the fruit-trees—not a leaf stirred, the night was breezeless. My window looked directly down upon a certain walk of Mdlle. Reuter’s garden, called “l’allée défendue,” so named because the pupils were forbidden to enter it on account of its proximity to the boys’ school. It was here that the lilacs and laburnums grew especially thick; this was the most sheltered nook in the enclosure, its shrubs screened the garden-chair where that afternoon I had sat with the young directress. I need not say that my thoughts were chiefly with her as I leaned from the lattice, and let my eye roam, now over the walks and borders of the garden, now along the many-windowed front of the house which rose white beyond the masses of foliage. I wondered in what part of the building was situated her apartment; and a single light, shining through the persiennes of one croisée, seemed to direct me to it.

Certainly, that May day was beautiful, and it ended with a moonlit night full of summer warmth and calm. I remember it well; I had stayed up late that evening, grading assignments, feeling tired and a bit suffocated by the closeness of my small room. So, I opened the often-mentioned boarded window, whose boards I had convinced old Madame Pelet to remove since I became a professor at the girls' boarding school. From that point on, it was no longer “inappropriate” for me to watch my own students at play. I sat down in the window seat, rested my arm on the sill, and leaned out: above me was the hazy glow of a clear night sky—brilliant moonlight softened the twinkling stars—below, the garden shimmered with silvery light and deep shadows, all fresh with dew—a pleasant scent wafted from the closed blossoms of the fruit trees—not a leaf stirred; the night was still. My window looked directly down on a certain path in Mdlle. Reuter’s garden, called “l’allée défendue,” named so because the pupils were forbidden to enter it due to its closeness to the boys’ school. This was where the lilacs and laburnums grew particularly thick; it was the most sheltered spot in the enclosure, with its shrubs hiding the garden chair where I had sat with the young director that afternoon. I need not mention that my thoughts were mainly on her as I leaned out and let my gaze wander, first over the paths and flower beds of the garden, then along the many-windowed front of the house that rose white beyond the clusters of foliage. I wondered where her apartment was in the building; a single light shining through the shutters of one window seemed to point me toward it.

“She watches late,” thought I, “for it must be now near midnight. She is a fascinating little woman,” I continued in voiceless soliloquy; “her image forms a pleasant picture in memory; I know she is not what the world calls pretty—no matter, there is harmony in her aspect, and I like it; her brown hair, her blue eye, the freshness of her cheek, the whiteness of her neck, all suit my taste. Then I respect her talent; the idea of marrying a doll or a fool was always abhorrent to me: I know that a pretty doll, a fair fool, might do well enough for the honeymoon; but when passion cooled, how dreadful to find a lump of wax and wood laid in my bosom, a half idiot clasped in my arms, and to remember that I had made of this my equal—nay, my idol—to know that I must pass the rest of my dreary life with a creature incapable of understanding what I said, of appreciating what I thought, or of sympathizing with what I felt! “Now, Zoraïde Reuter,” thought I, “has tact, caractère, judgment, discretion; has she heart? What a good, simple little smile played about her lips when she gave me the branch of lilacs! I have thought her crafty, dissembling, interested sometimes, it is true; but may not much that looks like cunning and dissimulation in her conduct be only the efforts made by a bland temper to traverse quietly perplexing difficulties? And as to interest, she wishes to make her way in the world, no doubt, and who can blame her? Even if she be truly deficient in sound principle, is it not rather her misfortune than her fault? She has been brought up a Catholic: had she been born an Englishwoman, and reared a Protestant, might she not have added straight integrity to all her other excellences? Supposing she were to marry an English and Protestant husband, would she not, rational, sensible as she is, quickly acknowledge the superiority of right over expediency, honesty over policy? It would be worth a man’s while to try the experiment; to-morrow I will renew my observations. She knows that I watch her: how calm she is under scrutiny! it seems rather to gratify than annoy her.” Here a strain of music stole in upon my monologue, and suspended it; it was a bugle, very skilfully played, in the neighbourhood of the park, I thought, or on the Place Royale. So sweet were the tones, so subduing their effect at that hour, in the midst of silence and under the quiet reign of moonlight, I ceased to think, that I might listen more intently. The strain retreated, its sound waxed fainter and was soon gone; my ear prepared to repose on the absolute hush of midnight once more. No. What murmur was that which, low, and yet near and approaching nearer, frustrated the expectation of total silence? It was some one conversing—yes, evidently, an audible, though subdued voice spoke in the garden immediately below me. Another answered; the first voice was that of a man, the second that of a woman; and a man and a woman I saw coming slowly down the alley. Their forms were at first in shade, I could but discern a dusk outline of each, but a ray of moonlight met them at the termination of the walk, when they were under my very nose, and revealed very plainly, very unequivocally, Mdlle. Zoraïde Reuter, arm-in-arm, or hand-in-hand (I forget which) with my principal, confidant, and counsellor, M. François Pelet. And M. Pelet was saying—

“She stays up late,” I thought, “it must be close to midnight. She’s an intriguing little woman,” I continued silently; “her image brings a nice memory; I know she’s not what people call pretty—still, there’s something harmonious about her, and I like it; her brown hair, her blue eyes, the freshness of her cheeks, the fairness of her neck, all fit my taste. Plus, I respect her talent; the thought of marrying a puppet or a fool has always repulsed me: I know that a pretty doll, a beautiful fool, might be fine for the honeymoon; but when passion fades, how awful it would be to discover a lump of wax and wood lying in my embrace, a half-wit in my arms, and to realize that I had made this my equal—no, my idol—to think I’d have to spend the rest of my dreary life with someone who couldn’t understand what I said, appreciate what I thought, or sympathize with what I felt! “Now, Zoraïde Reuter,” I mused, “has tact, caractère, judgment, discretion; but does she have heart? What a sweet, simple little smile played on her lips when she handed me that lilac branch! I’ve thought she was crafty, deceitful, self-serving at times, it’s true; but could it be that what looks like cleverness and dishonesty in her actions is just the efforts of a gentle spirit trying to navigate tricky situations? And as for her self-interest, she probably wants to succeed in the world, and who can fault her for that? Even if she genuinely lacks solid principles, isn’t it more her misfortune than her fault? She was raised a Catholic: if she had been born English and brought up a Protestant, might she not have added straightforward integrity to her other qualities? If she were to marry an English Protestant, wouldn’t she, rational and sensible as she is, quickly recognize the value of right over convenience, honesty over strategy? It would be worthwhile for a man to give it a try; tomorrow I’ll pay closer attention. She knows I’m watching her: how calm she remains under scrutiny! It seems to please her more than annoy her.” Just then, a melody broke into my thoughts and interrupted them; it was a bugle, very skillfully played, nearby in the park, I guessed, or on the Place Royale. The tones were so sweet, so soothing in that moment of silence and calm moonlight, I stopped thinking to listen more closely. The music faded, its sound grew quieter and was soon gone; my ear prepared to embrace the complete hush of midnight again. But wait. What was that murmur that, soft yet near and getting closer, disrupted the promise of total silence? Someone was talking—yes, clearly, an audible but subdued voice was speaking in the garden right below me. Another voice replied; the first was a man’s, the second a woman’s; and soon, I saw a man and a woman coming slowly down the path. Their forms were initially in shadow, and I could barely make out their silhouettes, but a beam of moonlight struck them at the end of the walkway, right in front of me, revealing very clearly, unmistakably, Mdlle. Zoraïde Reuter, walking arm-in-arm or hand-in-hand (I can’t remember which) with my main confidant and advisor, M. François Pelet. And M. Pelet was saying—

“A quand donc le jour des noces, ma bien-aimée?”

“A quand donc le jour des noces, ma bien-aimée?”

And Mdlle. Reuter answered—

And Ms. Reuter answered—

“Mais, François, tu sais bien qu’il me serait impossible de me marier avant les vacances.”

“But, François, you know that it would be impossible for me to get married before the holidays.”

“June, July, August, a whole quarter!” exclaimed the director. “How can I wait so long?—I who am ready, even now, to expire at your feet with impatience!”

“June, July, August, a whole three months!” the director exclaimed. “How can I wait that long?—I who am already ready to collapse at your feet from impatience!”

“Ah! if you die, the whole affair will be settled without any trouble about notaries and contracts; I shall only have to order a slight mourning dress, which will be much sooner prepared than the nuptial trousseau.”

“Ah! if you die, everything will be sorted out without any hassle over notaries and contracts; all I’ll have to do is get a simple mourning dress, which will be ready way faster than the wedding outfit.”

“Cruel Zoraïde! you laugh at the distress of one who loves you so devotedly as I do: my torment is your sport; you scruple not to stretch my soul on the rack of jealousy; for, deny it as you will, I am certain you have cast encouraging glances on that school-boy, Crimsworth; he has presumed to fall in love, which he dared not have done unless you had given him room to hope.”

“Cruel Zoraïde! You laugh at the suffering of someone who loves you so deeply like I do: my pain is your amusement; you don’t hesitate to put my soul through the torture of jealousy; because, no matter what you say, I know for sure you’ve given that school-boy, Crimsworth, encouraging looks; he’s dared to fall in love, which he wouldn’t have done unless you’d given him some reason to hope.”

“What do you say, François? Do you say Crimsworth is in love with me?”

“What do you think, François? Do you think Crimsworth is in love with me?”

“Over head and ears.”

"In over my head."

“Has he told you so?”

"Did he tell you that?"

“No—but I see it in his face: he blushes whenever your name is mentioned.” A little laugh of exulting coquetry announced Mdlle. Reuter’s gratification at this piece of intelligence (which was a lie, by-the-by—I had never been so far gone as that, after all). M. Pelet proceeded to ask what she intended to do with me, intimating pretty plainly, and not very gallantly, that it was nonsense for her to think of taking such a “blanc-bec” as a husband, since she must be at least ten years older than I (was she then thirty-two? I should not have thought it). I heard her disclaim any intentions on the subject—the director, however, still pressed her to give a definite answer.

“No—but I can see it on his face: he blushes every time your name comes up.” A little laugh of triumphant flirtation showed Mdlle. Reuter’s pleasure at this bit of gossip (which was a lie, by the way—I had never been that far gone, after all). M. Pelet went on to ask what she planned to do with me, clearly suggesting, and not very politely, that it was ridiculous for her to consider marrying someone as inexperienced as me, since she had to be at least ten years older than I was (was she really thirty-two? I wouldn’t have thought that). I heard her deny any intentions on that front—the director, however, continued to encourage her to provide a clear answer.

“François,” said she, “you are jealous,” and still she laughed; then, as if suddenly recollecting that this coquetry was not consistent with the character for modest dignity she wished to establish, she proceeded, in a demure voice: “Truly, my dear François, I will not deny that this young Englishman may have made some attempts to ingratiate himself with me; but, so far from giving him any encouragement, I have always treated him with as much reserve as it was possible to combine with civility; affianced as I am to you, I would give no man false hopes; believe me, dear friend.” Still Pelet uttered murmurs of distrust—so I judged, at least, from her reply.

“François,” she said, “you’re jealous,” and yet she laughed; then, as if suddenly remembering that this flirtation didn't fit the modest image she wanted to portray, she continued in a serious tone, “Honestly, my dear François, I can’t deny that this young Englishman might have tried to win me over; but instead of encouraging him, I’ve always treated him as politely as I could while still being reserved. Since I’m engaged to you, I wouldn’t want to give any man false hope; believe me, dear friend.” Still, Pelet murmured doubts—at least that’s what I gathered from her response.

“What folly! How could I prefer an unknown foreigner to you? And then—not to flatter your vanity—Crimsworth could not bear comparison with you either physically or mentally; he is not a handsome man at all; some may call him gentleman-like and intelligent-looking, but for my part—”

“What nonsense! How could I choose a stranger from another country over you? And just to be clear—not to stroke your ego—Crimsworth doesn’t compare to you at all, either in looks or smarts; he’s definitely not good-looking. Some might say he seems gentlemanly and smart, but as far as I'm concerned—”

The rest of the sentence was lost in the distance, as the pair, rising from the chair in which they had been seated, moved away. I waited their return, but soon the opening and shutting of a door informed me that they had re-entered the house; I listened a little longer, all was perfectly still; I listened more than an hour—at last I heard M. Pelet come in and ascend to his chamber. Glancing once more towards the long front of the garden-house, I perceived that its solitary light was at length extinguished; so, for a time, was my faith in love and friendship. I went to bed, but something feverish and fiery had got into my veins which prevented me from sleeping much that night.

The rest of the sentence faded into the distance as the two of them, getting up from the chair they had been sitting in, walked away. I waited for them to come back, but soon the sound of a door opening and closing let me know they had gone back inside the house. I listened a bit longer; everything was completely quiet. I listened for over an hour—finally, I heard M. Pelet come in and go up to his room. Glancing one last time at the long front of the garden house, I noticed that its lone light was finally turned off; in that moment, my faith in love and friendship dimmed too. I went to bed, but something restless and intense had crept into my veins, keeping me from sleeping much that night.

CHAPTER XIII.

NEXT morning I rose with the dawn, and having dressed myself and stood half-an-hour, my elbow leaning on the chest of drawers, considering what means I should adopt to restore my spirits, fagged with sleeplessness, to their ordinary tone—for I had no intention of getting up a scene with M. Pelet, reproaching him with perfidy, sending him a challenge, or performing other gambadoes of the sort—I hit at last on the expedient of walking out in the cool of the morning to a neighbouring establishment of baths, and treating myself to a bracing plunge. The remedy produced the desired effect. I came back at seven o’clock steadied and invigorated, and was able to greet M. Pelet, when he entered to breakfast, with an unchanged and tranquil countenance; even a cordial offering of the hand and the flattering appellation of “mon fils,” pronounced in that caressing tone with which Monsieur had, of late days especially, been accustomed to address me, did not elicit any external sign of the feeling which, though subdued, still glowed at my heart. Not that I nursed vengeance—no; but the sense of insult and treachery lived in me like a kindling, though as yet smothered coal. God knows I am not by nature vindictive; I would not hurt a man because I can no longer trust or like him; but neither my reason nor feelings are of the vacillating order—they are not of that sand-like sort where impressions, if soon made, are as soon effaced. Once convinced that my friend’s disposition is incompatible with my own, once assured that he is indelibly stained with certain defects obnoxious to my principles, and I dissolve the connection. I did so with Edward. As to Pelet, the discovery was yet new; should I act thus with him? It was the question I placed before my mind as I stirred my cup of coffee with a half-pistolet (we never had spoons), Pelet meantime being seated opposite, his pallid face looking as knowing and more haggard than usual, his blue eye turned, now sternly on his boys and ushers, and now graciously on me.

THE NEXT morning, I got up at dawn, dressed myself, and for half an hour, with my elbow resting on the dresser, I thought about how I could lift my spirits, which were worn out from lack of sleep. I had no intention of confronting M. Pelet, accusing him of betrayal, challenging him, or acting out in any dramatic way. Eventually, I decided to take a walk in the cool morning air to a nearby bathhouse for a refreshing dip. The remedy had the desired effect. I returned at seven o’clock feeling steady and invigorated, able to greet M. Pelet when he came in for breakfast with an unchanged and calm expression. Even when he offered me his hand and affectionately called me “mon fils,” a term he had recently begun using more frequently, I didn’t show any outward sign of the feelings that, while subdued, still burned in my heart. It wasn’t that I was seeking revenge—no; I just felt the sting of insult and betrayal, which lingered within me like smoldering coals. God knows I’m not naturally vengeful; I wouldn’t hurt someone just because I no longer trusted or liked them. But my reason and feelings aren’t fickle—they don’t fade away easily. Once I’m convinced that my friend’s nature clashes with my own, and once I'm sure he’s marked by flaws that go against my principles, I cut ties. I did that with Edward. As for Pelet, this realization was still fresh; should I sever ties with him too? That question occupied my mind as I stirred my cup of coffee with a piece of bread (we never used spoons), while Pelet sat across from me, his pale face looking as knowing and more haggard than usual, his blue eyes sternly directed at his boys and ushers one moment, then warmly on me the next.

“Circumstances must guide me,” said I; and meeting Pelet’s false glance and insinuating smile, I thanked heaven that I had last night opened my window and read by the light of a full moon the true meaning of that guileful countenance. I felt half his master, because the reality of his nature was now known to me; smile and flatter as he would, I saw his soul lurk behind his smile, and heard in every one of his smooth phrases a voice interpreting their treacherous import.

“Circumstances must guide me,” I said; and as I met Pelet’s deceitful gaze and suggestive smile, I felt grateful that I had opened my window last night and read by the bright light of the full moon the true meaning behind that deceptive face. I felt somewhat in control, knowing the truth about him; no matter how much he smiled and flattered, I could see the real him hiding behind that smile, and I could hear in every smooth word of his a voice revealing their treacherous significance.

But Zoraïde Reuter? Of course her defection had cut me to the quick? That stint must have gone too deep for any consolations of philosophy to be available in curing its smart? Not at all. The night fever over, I looked about for balm to that wound also, and found some nearer home than at Gilead. Reason was my physician; she began by proving that the prize I had missed was of little value: she admitted that, physically, Zoraïde might have suited me, but affirmed that our souls were not in harmony, and that discord must have resulted from the union of her mind with mine. She then insisted on the suppression of all repining, and commanded me rather to rejoice that I had escaped a snare. Her medicament did me good. I felt its strengthening effect when I met the directress the next day; its stringent operation on the nerves suffered no trembling, no faltering; it enabled me to face her with firmness, to pass her with ease. She had held out her hand to me—that I did not choose to see. She had greeted me with a charming smile—it fell on my heart like light on stone. I passed on to the estrade, she followed me; her eye, fastened on my face, demanded of every feature the meaning of my changed and careless manner. “I will give her an answer,” thought I; and, meeting her gaze full, arresting, fixing her glance, I shot into her eyes, from my own, a look, where there was no respect, no love, no tenderness, no gallantry; where the strictest analysis could detect nothing but scorn, hardihood, irony. I made her bear it, and feel it; her steady countenance did not change, but her colour rose, and she approached me as if fascinated. She stepped on to the estrade, and stood close by my side; she had nothing to say. I would not relieve her embarrassment, and negligently turned over the leaves of a book.

But Zoraïde Reuter? Of course her leaving hurt me deeply. That blow must have gone too deep for any philosophical comfort to help fix the pain. Not at all. Once the night of anguish was over, I looked for a remedy for that wound and found it closer to home than at Gilead. Reason was my healer; she started by showing me that the prize I had missed wasn’t worth much. She admitted that physically, Zoraïde might have suited me, but insisted our souls weren’t in sync, and that a union of her mind with mine would only bring discord. She then urged me to stop lamenting and told me I should instead be glad I’d avoided a trap. Her remedy worked. I felt its strengthening effect when I met the director the next day; I didn’t tremble or hesitate; it gave me the confidence to face her and walk past her easily. She offered her hand to me—I chose not to acknowledge it. She greeted me with a charming smile—it fell on my heart like light on stone. I moved onto the platform, and she followed me; her eyes were fixed on my face, searching for the meaning behind my changed and indifferent attitude. “I will respond to her,” I thought; and, meeting her gaze directly, I shot a look into her eyes that held no respect, no love, no tenderness, no charm; where the closest scrutiny could find nothing but disdain, boldness, and irony. I made her endure it and feel it; her steady expression didn’t waver, but her cheeks flushed, and she approached me as if entranced. She stepped onto the platform and stood right next to me; she had nothing to say. I wouldn’t ease her discomfort and casually flipped through the pages of a book.

“I hope you feel quite recovered to-day,” at last she said, in a low tone.

“I hope you’re feeling much better today,” she finally said, in a quiet voice.

“And I, mademoiselle, hope that you took no cold last night in consequence of your late walk in the garden.”

“And I, miss, hope that you didn’t catch a cold last night from your late walk in the garden.”

Quick enough of comprehension, she understood me directly; her face became a little blanched—a very little—but no muscle in her rather marked features moved; and, calm and self-possessed, she retired from the estrade, taking her seat quietly at a little distance, and occupying herself with netting a purse. I proceeded to give my lesson; it was a “Composition,” i.e., I dictated certain general questions, of which the pupils were to compose the answers from memory, access to books being forbidden. While Mdlle. Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline, &c., were pondering over the string of rather abstruse grammatical interrogatories I had propounded, I was at liberty to employ the vacant half hour in further observing the directress herself. The green silk purse was progressing fast in her hands; her eyes were bent upon it; her attitude, as she sat netting within two yards of me, was still yet guarded; in her whole person were expressed at once, and with equal clearness, vigilance and repose—a rare union! Looking at her, I was forced, as I had often been before, to offer her good sense, her wondrous self-control, the tribute of involuntary admiration. She had felt that I had withdrawn from her my esteem; she had seen contempt and coldness in my eye, and to her, who coveted the approbation of all around her, who thirsted after universal good opinion, such discovery must have been an acute wound. I had witnessed its effect in the momentary pallor of her cheek--cheek unused to vary; yet how quickly, by dint of self-control, had she recovered her composure! With what quiet dignity she now sat, almost at my side, sustained by her sound and vigorous sense; no trembling in her somewhat lengthened, though shrewd upper lip, no coward shame on her austere forehead!

Quick to understand, she got it right away; her face turned a bit pale—but just a little—yet not a muscle on her prominent features moved. Calm and composed, she stepped down from the platform and quietly took a seat nearby, focusing on netting a purse. I continued with my lesson, which was a "Composition," meaning I dictated some general questions that the students had to answer from memory, as looking in books was not allowed. While Mdlle. Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline, and others pondered the somewhat complex grammatical questions I'd posed, I had the freedom to spend the next half-hour observing the director. The green silk purse was coming along quickly in her hands; her eyes were fixed on it. Even sitting just a couple of yards away, her posture remained guarded. In her entire demeanor, there was a clear balance of vigilance and calm—a rare combination! Watching her, I couldn't help but admire her common sense and incredible self-control. She had sensed that I had pulled back my respect from her and noticed contempt and indifference in my gaze. For someone like her, who craved approval and sought universal good opinion, this realization must have been a sharp blow. I had seen its impact in the momentary paleness of her usually unchanging cheek; yet, how swiftly she regained her composure through sheer self-control! With quiet dignity, she sat almost beside me, bolstered by her strong and sound judgment; there was no trembling in her slightly elongated, sharp upper lip and no embarrassment on her stern brow!

“There is metal there,” I said, as I gazed. “Would that there were fire also, living ardour to make the steel glow—then I could love her.”

“There’s metal there,” I said, as I looked. “If only there were fire too, a living spark to make the steel glow—then I could really love her.”

Presently I discovered that she knew I was watching her, for she stirred not, she lifted not her crafty eyelid; she had glanced down from her netting to her small foot, peeping from the soft folds of her purple merino gown; thence her eye reverted to her hand, ivory white, with a bright garnet ring on the forefinger, and a light frill of lace round the wrist; with a scarcely perceptible movement she turned her head, causing her nut-brown curls to wave gracefully. In these slight signs I read that the wish of her heart, the design of her brain, was to lure back the game she had scared. A little incident gave her the opportunity of addressing me again.

Right now, I realized that she knew I was watching her because she didn’t move or lift her sly eyelid. She had glanced down from her lacework to her small foot peeking out from the soft folds of her purple merino gown; then her gaze returned to her hand, which was ivory white, adorned with a bright garnet ring on her forefinger, and a light frill of lace around her wrist. With a barely noticeable movement, she turned her head, making her nut-brown curls sway gracefully. In these subtle signs, I sensed that her heart's desire and her plan were to lure back the game she had frightened off. A small incident gave her the chance to speak to me again.

While all was silence in the class—silence, but for the rustling of copy-books and the travelling of pens over their pages—a leaf of the large folding-door, opening from the hall, unclosed, admitting a pupil who, after making a hasty obeisance, ensconced herself with some appearance of trepidation, probably occasioned by her entering so late, in a vacant seat at the desk nearest the door. Being seated, she proceeded, still with an air of hurry and embarrassment, to open her cabas, to take out her books; and, while I was waiting for her to look up, in order to make out her identity—for, shortsighted as I was, I had not recognized her at her entrance—Mdlle. Reuter, leaving her chair, approached the estrade.

While there was complete silence in the classroom—silent except for the sound of pages turning and pens moving across paper—a leaf of the large folding door from the hall swung open, letting in a student who, after bowing quickly, nervously settled into an empty seat at the desk closest to the door. Once seated, she hurriedly started to open her bag and take out her books; and while I was waiting for her to look up so I could figure out who she was—since I was nearsighted and hadn't recognized her when she came in—Mdlle. Reuter got up from her chair and walked over to the front.

“Monsieur Creemsvort,” said she, in a whisper: for when the schoolrooms were silent, the directress always moved with velvet tread, and spoke in the most subdued key, enforcing order and stillness fully as much by example as precept: “Monsieur Creemsvort, that young person, who has just entered, wishes to have the advantage of taking lessons with you in English; she is not a pupil of the house; she is, indeed, in one sense, a teacher, for she gives instruction in lace-mending, and in little varieties of ornamental needle-work. She very properly proposes to qualify herself for a higher department of education, and has asked permission to attend your lessons, in order to perfect her knowledge of English, in which language she has, I believe, already made some progress; of course it is my wish to aid her in an effort so praiseworthy; you will permit her then to benefit by your instruction—n’est ce pas, monsieur?” And Mdlle. Reuter’s eyes were raised to mine with a look at once naive, benign, and beseeching.

“Monsieur Creemsvort,” she said softly, because when the classrooms were quiet, the director always moved quietly and spoke in the lowest tone, maintaining order and stillness just as much by behaving as by instructing: “Monsieur Creemsvort, that young lady who just arrived wishes to take English lessons with you; she is not a student here; in fact, she is somewhat of a teacher herself, as she teaches lace mending and various types of decorative needlework. She rightly wants to prepare herself for a higher level of education and has asked for permission to attend your lessons to improve her English, in which she has, I believe, already made some progress; of course, I want to support her in such a commendable effort; so you will allow her to benefit from your teaching—won’t you, sir?” And Mdlle. Reuter looked at me with an expression that was at once innocent, kind, and pleading.

I replied, “Of course,” very laconically, almost abruptly.

I replied, “Of course,” in a very brief, almost curt manner.

“Another word,” she said, with softness: “Mdlle. Henri has not received a regular education; perhaps her natural talents are not of the highest order: but I can assure you of the excellence of her intentions, and even of the amiability of her disposition. Monsieur will then, I am sure, have the goodness to be considerate with her at first, and not expose her backwardness, her inevitable deficiencies, before the young ladies, who, in a sense, are her pupils. Will Monsieur Creemsvort favour me by attending to this hint?” I nodded. She continued with subdued earnestness—

“Just one more thing,” she said softly, “Mdlle. Henri hasn't had a formal education; her natural talents might not be exceptional, but I promise you that her intentions are genuinely good, and she has a pleasant personality. So, I’m sure that you will be kind to her at first and not highlight her shortcomings or any gaps in her knowledge in front of the young ladies, who are, in a way, her students. Would Monsieur Creemsvort please consider this suggestion?” I nodded. She continued with quiet seriousness—

“Pardon me, monsieur, if I venture to add that what I have just said is of importance to the poor girl; she already experiences great difficulty in impressing these giddy young things with a due degree of deference for her authority, and should that difficulty be increased by new discoveries of her incapacity, she might find her position in my establishment too painful to be retained; a circumstance I should much regret for her sake, as she can ill afford to lose the profits of her occupation here.”

“Excuse me, sir, for suggesting that what I just mentioned is important for the poor girl; she’s already struggling to get these flighty young people to respect her authority, and if her challenges are made worse by new findings about her shortcomings, she might find her role in my establishment too uncomfortable to continue. I would deeply regret this for her, as she can't afford to lose the earnings from her job here.”

Mdlle. Reuter possessed marvellous tact; but tact the most exclusive, unsupported by sincerity, will sometimes fail of its effect; thus, on this occasion, the longer she preached about the necessity of being indulgent to the governess pupil, the more impatient I felt as I listened. I discerned so clearly that while her professed motive was a wish to aid the dull, though well-meaning Mdlle. Henri, her real one was no other than a design to impress me with an idea of her own exalted goodness and tender considerateness; so having again hastily nodded assent to her remarks, I obviated their renewal by suddenly demanding the compositions, in a sharp accent, and stepping from the estrade, I proceeded to collect them. As I passed the governess-pupil, I said to her—

Mdlle. Reuter had amazing social skills, but if those skills lack sincerity, they can sometimes fall flat. So, on this occasion, the more she went on about the importance of being kind to the governess's student, the more impatient I felt listening to her. It became clear to me that while she claimed her intention was to support the slow, but well-meaning Mdlle. Henri, her true motive was really to showcase her own sense of superiority and compassion. After quickly agreeing with her again, I cut off her lecture by abruptly asking for the compositions in a sharp tone, then stepped down from the platform to gather them. As I walked past the governess's pupil, I said to her—

“You have come in too late to receive a lesson to-day; try to be more punctual next time.”

“You're too late to get a lesson today; make sure to be on time next time.”

I was behind her, and could not read in her face the effect of my not very civil speech. Probably I should not have troubled myself to do so, had I been full in front; but I observed that she immediately began to slip her books into her cabas again; and, presently, after I had returned to the estrade, while I was arranging the mass of compositions, I heard the folding-door again open and close; and, on looking up, I perceived her place vacant. I thought to myself, “She will consider her first attempt at taking a lesson in English something of a failure;” and I wondered whether she had departed in the sulks, or whether stupidity had induced her to take my words too literally, or, finally, whether my irritable tone had wounded her feelings. The last notion I dismissed almost as soon as I had conceived it, for not having seen any appearance of sensitiveness in any human face since my arrival in Belgium, I had begun to regard it almost as a fabulous quality. Whether her physiognomy announced it I could not tell, for her speedy exit had allowed me no time to ascertain the circumstance. I had, indeed, on two or three previous occasions, caught a passing view of her (as I believe has been mentioned before); but I had never stopped to scrutinize either her face or person, and had but the most vague idea of her general appearance. Just as I had finished rolling up the compositions, the four o’clock bell rang; with my accustomed alertness in obeying that signal, I grasped my hat and evacuated the premises.

I was behind her and couldn’t read the expression on her face from my not-so-polite comments. I probably wouldn’t have even bothered if I had been facing her. But I noticed that she was quickly putting her books back into her bag. Later, after I had returned to the platform and was sorting through a pile of assignments, I heard the folding door open and close again. When I looked up, her seat was empty. I thought to myself, “She’ll probably see her first attempt at an English lesson as a failure,” and I wondered if she left feeling upset, or if she had taken my words too seriously, or if my annoyed tone had hurt her feelings. I dismissed the last thought almost right away since I hadn’t seen any sign of sensitivity on anyone’s face since arriving in Belgium, and I had started to think of it as a nearly mythical trait. I couldn’t tell if her face showed it since she left so quickly I didn’t have time to figure it out. I had, in fact, caught brief glimpses of her before (as I think I mentioned), but I never stopped to really look at her face or figure and only had a very vague idea of what she looked like. Just as I finished rolling up the assignments, the four o’clock bell rang. As usual, I grabbed my hat and left the place.

CHAPTER XIV.

IF I was punctual in quitting Mdlle. Reuter’s domicile, I was at least equally punctual in arriving there; I came the next day at five minutes before two, and on reaching the schoolroom door, before I opened it, I heard a rapid, gabbling sound, which warned me that the “prière du midi” was not yet concluded. I waited the termination thereof; it would have been impious to intrude my heretical presence during its progress. How the repeater of the prayer did cackle and splutter! I never before or since heard language enounced with such steam-engine haste. “Notre Père qui êtes au ciel” went off like a shot; then followed an address to Marie “vièrge céleste, reine des anges, maison d’or, tour d’ivoire!” and then an invocation to the saint of the day; and then down they all sat, and the solemn (?) rite was over; and I entered, flinging the door wide and striding in fast, as it was my wont to do now; for I had found that in entering with aplomb, and mounting the estrade with emphasis, consisted the grand secret of ensuring immediate silence. The folding-doors between the two classes, opened for the prayer, were instantly closed; a maîtresse, work-box in hand, took her seat at her appropriate desk; the pupils sat still with their pens and books before them; my three beauties in the van, now well humbled by a demeanour of consistent coolness, sat erect with their hands folded quietly on their knees; they had given up giggling and whispering to each other, and no longer ventured to utter pert speeches in my presence; they now only talked to me occasionally with their eyes, by means of which organs they could still, however, say very audacious and coquettish things. Had affection, goodness, modesty, real talent, ever employed those bright orbs as interpreters, I do not think I could have refrained from giving a kind and encouraging, perhaps an ardent reply now and then; but as it was, I found pleasure in answering the glance of vanity with the gaze of stoicism. Youthful, fair, brilliant, as were many of my pupils, I can truly say that in me they never saw any other bearing than such as an austere, though just guardian, might have observed towards them. If any doubt the accuracy of this assertion, as inferring more conscientious self-denial or Scipio-like self-control than they feel disposed to give me credit for, let them take into consideration the following circumstances, which, while detracting from my merit, justify my veracity.

IF I was on time leaving Mdlle. Reuter’s place, I was just as prompt getting there; I arrived the next day at five minutes before two, and when I got to the schoolroom door, before opening it, I heard a rapid, chattering noise that warned me the “prière du midi” wasn’t over yet. I waited for it to finish; it would have been disrespectful to barge in while it was ongoing. The person leading the prayer was babbling and stumbling over words! I’ve never heard someone speak with such steam-engine speed before or since. “Notre Père qui êtes au ciel” was fired off like a bullet; then came an address to Marie “vièrge céleste, reine des anges, maison d’or, tour d’ivoire!” and then an invocation to the saint of the day; and then they all sat down, and the solemn (?) rite was done; I walked in, flinging the door wide and striding in quickly, as I had become accustomed to doing; because I had realized that entering with confidence and stepping up to the platform boldly was the key to achieving immediate silence. The folding doors between the two classes, opened for the prayer, were quickly shut; a teacher, workbox in hand, took her place at her desk; the students sat quietly with their pens and books in front of them; my three beauties in the front, now well subdued by my consistent cool demeanor, sat up straight with their hands folded quietly on their knees; they had stopped giggling and whispering to each other and no longer dared to make cheeky comments in my presence; they now only communicated with me from time to time through their eyes, which could still convey very daring and flirty things. If affection, goodness, modesty, or real talent had ever used those bright eyes to express themselves, I think I would have been unable to resist giving a kind and encouraging, perhaps even a passionate response now and then; but as it was, I found satisfaction in responding to their gaze of vanity with a look of indifference. Youthful, beautiful, and vibrant as many of my students were, I can honestly say that they never saw anything in me other than the demeanor a strict but fair guardian might have towards them. If anyone doubts the truth of this statement, thinking I may have shown more conscientious self-denial or Scipio-like self-control than they’re willing to credit me for, let them consider the following circumstances that, while reducing my merit, validate my honesty.

Know, O incredulous reader! that a master stands in a somewhat different relation towards a pretty, light-headed, probably ignorant girl, to that occupied by a partner at a ball, or a gallant on the promenade. A professor does not meet his pupil to see her dressed in satin and muslin, with hair perfumed and curled, neck scarcely shaded by aerial lace, round white arms circled with bracelets, feet dressed for the gliding dance. It is not his business to whirl her through the waltz, to feed her with compliments, to heighten her beauty by the flush of gratified vanity. Neither does he encounter her on the smooth-rolled, tree shaded Boulevard, in the green and sunny park, whither she repairs clad in her becoming walking dress, her scarf thrown with grace over her shoulders, her little bonnet scarcely screening her curls, the red rose under its brim adding a new tint to the softer rose on her cheek; her face and eyes, too, illumined with smiles, perhaps as transient as the sunshine of the gala-day, but also quite as brilliant; it is not his office to walk by her side, to listen to her lively chat, to carry her parasol, scarcely larger than a broad green leaf, to lead in a ribbon her Blenheim spaniel or Italian greyhound. No: he finds her in the schoolroom, plainly dressed, with books before her. Owing to her education or her nature books are to her a nuisance, and she opens them with aversion, yet her teacher must instil into her mind the contents of these books; that mind resists the admission of grave information, it recoils, it grows restive, sullen tempers are shown, disfiguring frowns spoil the symmetry of the face, sometimes coarse gestures banish grace from the deportment, while muttered expressions, redolent of native and ineradicable vulgarity, desecrate the sweetness of the voice. Where the temperament is serene though the intellect be sluggish, an unconquerable dullness opposes every effort to instruct. Where there is cunning but not energy, dissimulation, falsehood, a thousand schemes and tricks are put in play to evade the necessity of application; in short, to the tutor, female youth, female charms are like tapestry hangings, of which the wrong side is continually turned towards him; and even when he sees the smooth, neat external surface he so well knows what knots, long stitches, and jagged ends are behind that he has scarce a temptation to admire too fondly the seemly forms and bright colours exposed to general view.

Know this, skeptical reader! A teacher has a different relationship with a pretty, carefree, likely naive girl than a dance partner at a ball or a suitor on a stroll. A professor doesn't meet his student to see her dressed in satin and muslin, with perfumed and curled hair, a neck barely covered by delicate lace, round white arms adorned with bracelets, and feet ready for dancing. It's not his job to spin her around in a waltz, shower her with compliments, or enhance her beauty through the delight of flattery. He doesn't encounter her on the smooth, tree-lined Boulevard or in the sunny green park, where she strolls in a flattering walking dress, her scarf elegantly draped over her shoulders, her little bonnet barely concealing her curls, a red rose peeking from beneath it, adding a fresh highlight to the softer pink of her cheek; her face and eyes, too, lit up with smiles, as fleeting as the sunshine of the festive day, yet just as bright. It’s not his role to walk beside her, engage in her lively conversation, carry her petite parasol, no bigger than a broad green leaf, or lead her Blenheim spaniel or Italian greyhound with a ribbon. No, he finds her in the classroom, dressed simply, with books in front of her. Because of her education or her disposition, books feel like a burden to her, and she approaches them with resistance, yet her teacher must impart their contents; that mind pushes back against absorbing serious information, it recoils, becomes restless, sullen moods surface, disfiguring frowns mar her features, and sometimes rough gestures rob her of grace while muttered phrases, tinged with native and unshakeable crudeness, tarnish the sweetness of her voice. Where the temperament is calm but the intellect slow, an unbeatable dullness resists all efforts to teach. Where there’s cleverness but no drive, there's deceit and a multitude of tricks to dodge the need for effort; in short, for the teacher, youthful femininity and charm are like tapestries, with the wrong side constantly showing; and even when he sees the smooth, polished exterior he knows too well the knots, long stitches, and jagged ends hidden behind that he has little temptation to admire the pleasing shapes and vibrant colors on display.

Our likings are regulated by our circumstances. The artist prefers a hilly country because it is picturesque; the engineer a flat one because it is convenient; the man of pleasure likes what he calls “a fine woman”—she suits him; the fashionable young gentleman admires the fashionable young lady—she is of his kind; the toil-worn, fagged, probably irritable tutor, blind almost to beauty, insensible to airs and graces, glories chiefly in certain mental qualities: application, love of knowledge, natural capacity, docility, truthfulness, gratefulness, are the charms that attract his notice and win his regard. These he seeks, but seldom meets; these, if by chance he finds, he would fain retain for ever, and when separation deprives him of them he feels as if some ruthless hand had snatched from him his only ewe-lamb. Such being the case, and the case it is, my readers will agree with me that there was nothing either very meritorious or very marvellous in the integrity and moderation of my conduct at Mdlle. Reuter’s pensionnat de demoiselles.

Our preferences are shaped by our situations. The artist likes hilly areas because they are beautiful; the engineer favors flat land because it’s practical; the pleasure-seeker is drawn to what he considers “a fine woman”—she appeals to him; the trendy young man admires the stylish young lady—she belongs to his circle; the overworked, exhausted, and likely irritable tutor, nearly oblivious to beauty and charm, mainly values certain mental traits: diligence, love of learning, natural talent, willingness to learn, honesty, gratitude—these are the qualities that catch his attention and earn his respect. He looks for these but rarely finds them; when he does encounter them, he wishes to hold onto them forever, and when he loses them, it feels as if someone heartless has taken away his only beloved possession. Given this, and it is indeed the case, my readers will agree with me that there was nothing especially praiseworthy or remarkable about my integrity and restraint at Mdlle. Reuter’s boarding school for young ladies.

My first business this afternoon consisted in reading the list of places for the month, determined by the relative correctness of the compositions given the preceding day. The list was headed, as usual, by the name of Sylvie, that plain, quiet little girl I have described before as being at once the best and ugliest pupil in the establishment; the second place had fallen to the lot of a certain Léonie Ledru, a diminutive, sharp-featured, and parchment-skinned creature of quick wits, frail conscience, and indurated feelings; a lawyer-like thing, of whom I used to say that, had she been a boy, she would have made a model of an unprincipled, clever attorney. Then came Eulalie, the proud beauty, the Juno of the school, whom six long years of drilling in the simple grammar of the English language had compelled, despite the stiff phlegm of her intellect, to acquire a mechanical acquaintance with most of its rules. No smile, no trace of pleasure or satisfaction appeared in Sylvie’s nun-like and passive face as she heard her name read first. I always felt saddened by the sight of that poor girl’s absolute quiescence on all occasions, and it was my custom to look at her, to address her, as seldom as possible; her extreme docility, her assiduous perseverance, would have recommended her warmly to my good opinion; her modesty, her intelligence, would have induced me to feel most kindly—most affectionately towards her, notwithstanding the almost ghastly plainness of her features, the disproportion of her form, the corpse-like lack of animation in her countenance, had I not been aware that every friendly word, every kindly action, would be reported by her to her confessor, and by him misinterpreted and poisoned. Once I laid my hand on her head, in token of approbation; I thought Sylvie was going to smile, her dim eye almost kindled; but, presently, she shrank from me; I was a man and a heretic; she, poor child! a destined nun and devoted Catholic: thus a four-fold wall of separation divided her mind from mine. A pert smirk, and a hard glance of triumph, was Léonie’s method of testifying her gratification; Eulalie looked sullen and envious—she had hoped to be first. Hortense and Caroline exchanged a reckless grimace on hearing their names read out somewhere near the bottom of the list; the brand of mental inferiority was considered by them as no disgrace, their hopes for the future being based solely on their personal attractions.

My first task this afternoon was to read the list of rankings for the month, based on how well the students did on the assignments from the previous day. As usual, the list began with Sylvie, the plain, quiet girl I've mentioned before as being both the best and the ugliest student in the school. In second place was Léonie Ledru, a small, sharp-featured girl with thin skin, quick intelligence, a shaky conscience, and hardened emotions; I used to think that if she had been a boy, she'd have made a great, unscrupulous lawyer. Next was Eulalie, the proud beauty, the Juno of the school, who, after six long years of basic English grammar drills, had managed to mechanically learn most of its rules despite her rigid intellect. No smile or sign of happiness appeared on Sylvie's nun-like, passive face when her name was called first. It always saddened me to see that poor girl's complete calmness in every situation, and I tried to look at her and talk to her as little as possible; her extreme passivity and dedicated perseverance would have earned my respect if it weren't for the fact that I knew every friendly word or kind action would be reported to her confessor, who would twist it into something negative. Once, I placed my hand on her head as a sign of approval; I thought Sylvie was about to smile—her dull eye almost lit up—but then she recoiled from me; I was a man and a heretic, and she, poor child, was destined to be a nun and a devoted Catholic: thus, a four-fold wall separated our minds. Meanwhile, Léonie expressed her pleasure with a smirk and a hard, triumphant look; Eulalie appeared sulky and envious—she had hoped to take the top spot. Hortense and Caroline exchanged a defiant grin upon hearing their names towards the bottom of the list; they saw their mental inferiority as no shame, as their hopes for the future relied only on their looks.

This affair arranged, the regular lesson followed. During a brief interval, employed by the pupils in ruling their books, my eye, ranging carelessly over the benches, observed, for the first time, that the farthest seat in the farthest row—a seat usually vacant—was again filled by the new scholar, the Mdlle. Henri so ostentatiously recommended to me by the directress. To-day I had on my spectacles; her appearance, therefore, was clear to me at the first glance; I had not to puzzle over it. She looked young; yet, had I been required to name her exact age, I should have been somewhat nonplussed; the slightness of her figure might have suited seventeen; a certain anxious and pre-occupied expression of face seemed the indication of riper years. She was dressed, like all the rest, in a dark stuff gown and a white collar; her features were dissimilar to any there, not so rounded, more defined, yet scarcely regular. The shape of her head too was different, the superior part more developed, the base considerably less. I felt assured, at first sight, that she was not a Belgian; her complexion, her countenance, her lineaments, her figure, were all distinct from theirs, and, evidently, the type of another race—of a race less gifted with fullness of flesh and plenitude of blood; less jocund, material, unthinking. When I first cast my eyes on her, she sat looking fixedly down, her chin resting on her hand, and she did not change her attitude till I commenced the lesson. None of the Belgian girls would have retained one position, and that a reflective one, for the same length of time. Yet, having intimated that her appearance was peculiar, as being unlike that of her Flemish companions, I have little more to say respecting it; I can pronounce no encomiums on her beauty, for she was not beautiful; nor offer condolence on her plainness, for neither was she plain; a careworn character of forehead, and a corresponding moulding of the mouth, struck me with a sentiment resembling surprise, but these traits would probably have passed unnoticed by any less crotchety observer.

Once everything was set, the regular lesson began. During a short break, while the students were busy organizing their books, I casually glanced over the benches and noticed, for the first time, that the farthest seat in the back row—a seat that was usually empty—was now taken by the new student, Mdlle. Henri, who had been so enthusiastically recommended to me by the headmistress. Today, I was wearing my glasses, so I could see her clearly right away; I didn't have to think hard about it. She looked young; however, if I had to guess her exact age, I might have been unsure. Her slender figure could suggest she was seventeen, yet her slightly anxious and preoccupied expression seemed to hint at greater maturity. She wore the same dark dress and white collar as everyone else; her features were different from those of the others—less rounded, more defined, though not entirely regular. The shape of her head was also unique, with a more developed upper part and a much smaller base. I was certain, at first glance, that she wasn't Belgian; her complexion, her expression, her features, and her figure all set her apart, clearly belonging to a different race—one that has less physical fullness and vitality; less cheerful, materialistic, and thoughtless. When I first noticed her, she was sitting quietly, her chin resting on her hand, and she didn't change her position until I started the lesson. None of the Belgian girls would have kept the same thoughtful pose for that long. Still, while I've mentioned that her appearance was unusual compared to her Flemish classmates, I don't have much else to add about it; I can't praise her beauty since she wasn't beautiful, nor can I sympathize with her plainness because she wasn't plain either. A worn look on her forehead and a similarly shaped mouth caught my attention in a way that felt surprising, but these features might have gone unnoticed by a less particular observer.

Now, reader, though I have spent more than a page in describing Mdlle. Henri, I know well enough that I have left on your mind’s eye no distinct picture of her; I have not painted her complexion, nor her eyes, nor her hair, nor even drawn the outline of her shape. You cannot tell whether her nose was aquiline or retroussé, whether her chin was long or short, her face square or oval; nor could I the first day, and it is not my intention to communicate to you at once a knowledge I myself gained by little and little.

Now, reader, even though I’ve spent more than a page describing Mdlle. Henri, I know I haven’t given you a clear picture of her in your mind. I haven’t described her skin tone, her eyes, her hair, or even the shape of her body. You can’t tell if her nose was straight or upturned, whether her chin was long or short, if her face was square or oval; nor could I on the first day, and I don’t intend to share with you all at once what I learned bit by bit.

I gave a short exercise which they all wrote down. I saw the new pupil was puzzled at first with the novelty of the form and language; once or twice she looked at me with a sort of painful solicitude, as not comprehending at all what I meant; then she was not ready when the others were, she could not write her phrases so fast as they did; I would not help her, I went on relentless. She looked at me; her eye said most plainly, “I cannot follow you.” I disregarded the appeal, and, carelessly leaning back in my chair, glancing from time to time with a nonchalant air out of the window, I dictated a little faster. On looking towards her again, I perceived her face clouded with embarrassment, but she was still writing on most diligently; I paused a few seconds; she employed the interval in hurriedly re-perusing what she had written, and shame and discomfiture were apparent in her countenance; she evidently found she had made great nonsense of it. In ten minutes more the dictation was complete, and, having allowed a brief space in which to correct it, I took their books; it was with a reluctant hand Mdlle. Henri gave up hers, but, having once yielded it to my possession, she composed her anxious face, as if, for the present she had resolved to dismiss regret, and had made up her mind to be thought unprecedentedly stupid. Glancing over her exercise, I found that several lines had been omitted, but what was written contained very few faults; I instantly inscribed “Bon” at the bottom of the page, and returned it to her; she smiled, at first incredulously, then as if reassured, but did not lift her eyes; she could look at me, it seemed, when perplexed and bewildered, but not when gratified; I thought that scarcely fair.

I gave a short exercise that everyone wrote down. I noticed the new student looked confused at first by the unfamiliar form and language; a couple of times she glanced at me with a look of painful concern, not really understanding what I meant. She wasn't ready when the others were, and she couldn't write her sentences as quickly as they did; I didn't help her and pressed on. She looked at me; her eyes clearly said, “I can’t keep up with you.” I ignored her plea and, leaning back in my chair with a casual air, occasionally glanced out the window as I dictated a bit faster. When I looked her way again, I saw her face was clouded with embarrassment, but she was still writing diligently. I paused for a few seconds; she used that time to hurriedly review what she had written, and her face showed her shame and discomfort; she clearly realized she had made a big mess of it. Ten minutes later, the dictation was over, and after giving them a short time to correct their work, I collected their books. Mdlle. Henri handed hers over reluctantly, but once it was in my hands, she composed herself, as if she had decided to push aside her regret and accepted that she might be seen as unusually stupid. As I glanced over her exercise, I noticed several lines were missing, but what she had written had very few mistakes. I quickly wrote “Bon” at the bottom of the page and returned it to her; she smiled, first in disbelief, then as if she felt reassured, but she didn’t look up. It seemed she could meet my gaze when she was confused and lost, but not when she was pleased; I thought that was a bit unfair.

CHAPTER XV.

SOME time elapsed before I again gave a lesson in the first class; the holiday of Whitsuntide occupied three days, and on the fourth it was the turn of the second division to receive my instructions. As I made the transit of the carré, I observed, as usual, the band of sewers surrounding Mdlle. Henri; there were only about a dozen of them, but they made as much noise as might have sufficed for fifty; they seemed very little under her control; three or four at once assailed her with importunate requirements; she looked harassed, she demanded silence, but in vain. She saw me, and I read in her eye pain that a stranger should witness the insubordination of her pupils; she seemed to entreat order—her prayers were useless; then I remarked that she compressed her lips and contracted her brow; and her countenance, if I read it correctly, said—“I have done my best; I seem to merit blame notwithstanding; blame me then who will.” I passed on; as I closed the school-room door, I heard her say, suddenly and sharply, addressing one of the eldest and most turbulent of the lot—

Some time went by before I taught the first class again; the Whitsuntide holiday lasted three days, and on the fourth, it was the second division's turn to receive my instructions. As I walked through the carré, I noticed, as usual, the group of students surrounding Mdlle. Henri; there were only about a dozen of them, but they made as much noise as if there were fifty. They seemed very little under her control; three or four of them were simultaneously bombarding her with constant demands. She looked overwhelmed and asked for silence, but it was useless. When she saw me, I could see the pain in her eyes that a stranger would witness her students' defiance; she appeared to be pleading for order—her requests were ignored. Then I noticed her pressing her lips together and furrowing her brow; her expression seemed to convey, “I’ve done my best; I apparently deserve blame anyway; so blame me if you wish.” I continued on; as I closed the classroom door, I heard her suddenly and sharply address one of the oldest and most unruly students—

“Amélie Mullenberg, ask me no question, and request of me no assistance, for a week to come; during that space of time I will neither speak to you nor help you.”

“Amélie Mullenberg, don’t ask me any questions or for any help for the next week; during that time, I won’t talk to you or assist you.”

The words were uttered with emphasis—nay, with vehemence—and a comparative silence followed; whether the calm was permanent, I know not; two doors now closed between me and the carré.

The words were spoken with emphasis—no, with intensity—and a relative silence followed; whether the calm was lasting, I can’t say; two doors now stood closed between me and the carré.

Next day was appropriated to the first class; on my arrival, I found the directress seated, as usual, in a chair between the two estrades, and before her was standing Mdlle. Henri, in an attitude (as it seemed to me) of somewhat reluctant attention. The directress was knitting and talking at the same time. Amidst the hum of a large school-room, it was easy so to speak in the ear of one person, as to be heard by that person alone, and it was thus Mdlle. Reuter parleyed with her teacher. The face of the latter was a little flushed, not a little troubled; there was vexation in it, whence resulting I know not, for the directress looked very placid indeed; she could not be scolding in such gentle whispers, and with so equable a mien; no, it was presently proved that her discourse had been of the most friendly tendency, for I heard the closing words—

The next day was designated for the first class; when I arrived, I saw the directress sitting, as usual, in a chair between the two platforms, and in front of her stood Mdlle. Henri, seeming to pay attention somewhat reluctantly. The directress was knitting and talking at the same time. In the noisy atmosphere of a large classroom, it was easy to speak directly into one person's ear so only they could hear, and that’s how Mdlle. Reuter communicated with her teacher. The teacher's face had a slight flush and looked somewhat troubled; there was annoyance in her expression, the cause of which I couldn't determine, since the directress appeared very calm. She couldn’t possibly be scolding in such gentle whispers and with such an even demeanor; no, it soon became clear that her conversation had been quite friendly, as I heard the closing words—

“C’est assez, ma bonne amie; à present je ne veux pas vous retenir davantage.”

“That's enough, my good friend; I don’t want to keep you any longer.”

Without reply, Mdlle. Henri turned away; dissatisfaction was plainly evinced in her face, and a smile, slight and brief, but bitter, distrustful, and, I thought, scornful, curled her lip as she took her place in the class; it was a secret, involuntary smile, which lasted but a second; an air of depression succeeded, chased away presently by one of attention and interest, when I gave the word for all the pupils to take their reading-books. In general I hated the reading-lesson, it was such a torture to the ear to listen to their uncouth mouthing of my native tongue, and no effort of example or precept on my part ever seemed to effect the slightest improvement in their accent. To-day, each in her appropriate key, lisped, stuttered, mumbled, and jabbered as usual; about fifteen had racked me in turn, and my auricular nerve was expecting with resignation the discords of the sixteenth, when a full, though low voice, read out, in clear correct English.

Without responding, Mdlle. Henri turned away; her dissatisfaction was obvious on her face, and a brief, slight smile—bitter, distrustful, and, I thought, scornful—curled her lip as she took her seat in the class. It was a secret, involuntary smile that lasted only a second; a feeling of sadness followed, which was soon replaced by one of attention and interest when I instructed all the students to take out their reading books. Generally, I hated the reading lesson; it was such a torture to listen to their awkward pronunciation of my native language, and no amount of example or guidance from me ever seemed to make the slightest difference in their accent. Today, each in her own way, lisped, stuttered, mumbled, and jabbered as usual; about fifteen had worn me down in turn, and my ears were bracing for the dissonance of the sixteenth, when a full, though low voice, read out in clear, correct English.

“On his way to Perth, the king was met by a Highland woman, calling herself a prophetess; she stood at the side of the ferry by which he was about to travel to the north, and cried with a loud voice, ‘My lord the king, if you pass this water you will never return again alive!’” (Vide the history of Scotland.)

“On his way to Perth, the king was approached by a Highland woman who claimed to be a prophetess; she stood by the ferry he was about to take north and shouted, ‘My lord the king, if you cross this water, you will never return alive!’” (Vide the history of Scotland.)

I looked up in amazement; the voice was a voice of Albion; the accent was pure and silvery; it only wanted firmness, and assurance, to be the counterpart of what any well-educated lady in Essex or Middlesex might have enounced, yet the speaker or reader was no other than Mdlle. Henri, in whose grave, joyless face I saw no mark of consciousness that she had performed any extraordinary feat. No one else evinced surprise either. Mdlle. Reuter knitted away assiduously; I was aware, however, that at the conclusion of the paragraph, she had lifted her eyelid and honoured me with a glance sideways; she did not know the full excellency of the teacher’s style of reading, but she perceived that her accent was not that of the others, and wanted to discover what I thought; I masked my visage with indifference, and ordered the next girl to proceed.

I looked up in shock; the voice was distinctly English, the accent clear and bright; it just needed a bit more confidence and assurance to match what any well-educated woman from Essex or Middlesex might have said. Yet the speaker was none other than Mdlle. Henri, who had a serious, somber expression that showed no sign she had done anything remarkable. No one else seemed surprised either. Mdlle. Reuter continued to knit diligently; however, I noticed that at the end of the paragraph, she had raised her eyelid and gave me a sideways glance. She didn’t fully grasp the excellence of the teacher’s reading style, but she realized her accent was different from the others and wanted to see what I thought. I hid my expression with indifference and told the next girl to continue.

When the lesson was over, I took advantage of the confusion caused by breaking up, to approach Mdlle. Henri; she was standing near the window and retired as I advanced; she thought I wanted to look out, and did not imagine that I could have anything to say to her. I took her exercise-book out of her hand; as I turned over the leaves I addressed her:—

When the lesson ended, I seized the moment of chaos from everyone leaving to walk over to Mdlle. Henri; she was by the window and stepped back as I approached. She assumed I wanted to look outside and didn’t think I had anything to say to her. I took her notebook from her hand; as I flipped through the pages, I spoke to her:—

“You have had lessons in English before?” I asked.

“You’ve had English lessons before?” I asked.

“No, sir.”

"No, thanks."

“No! you read it well; you have been in England?”

“No! You read that right; you’ve been to England?”

“Oh, no!” with some animation.

“Oh, no!” with some excitement.

“You have been in English families?”

"Have you been in English families?"

Still the answer was “No.” Here my eye, resting on the flyleaf of the book, saw written, “Frances Evan Henri.”

Still the answer was “No.” Here my eye, resting on the flyleaf of the book, saw written, “Frances Evan Henri.”

“Your name?” I asked

“What's your name?” I asked.

“Yes, sir.”

"Yes, sir."

My interrogations were cut short; I heard a little rustling behind me, and close at my back was the directress, professing to be examining the interior of a desk.

My questioning was interrupted; I heard some rustling behind me, and right behind me was the director, pretending to inspect the inside of a desk.

“Mademoiselle,” said she, looking up and addressing the teacher, “Will you have the goodness to go and stand in the corridor, while the young ladies are putting on their things, and try to keep some order?”

“Mademoiselle,” she said, looking up and addressing the teacher, “Could you please go stand in the hallway while the girls are getting ready and try to keep some order?”

Mdlle. Henri obeyed.

Ms. Henri obeyed.

“What splendid weather!” observed the directress cheerfully, glancing at the same time from the window. I assented and was withdrawing. “What of your new pupil, monsieur?” continued she, following my retreating steps. “Is she likely to make progress in English?”

“What great weather!” the headmistress remarked cheerfully, looking out the window at the same time. I agreed and was about to leave. “What about your new student, sir?” she continued, following my steps. “Do you think she’ll make progress in English?”

“Indeed I can hardly judge. She possesses a pretty good accent; of her real knowledge of the language I have as yet had no opportunity of forming an opinion.”

“Honestly, I can barely judge. She has quite a good accent; I haven’t had the chance to form an opinion about her actual knowledge of the language yet.”

“And her natural capacity, monsieur? I have had my fears about that: can you relieve me by an assurance at least of its average power?”

“And what about her natural ability, sir? I’ve had my concerns about that; can you at least reassure me that it’s average?”

“I see no reason to doubt its average power, mademoiselle, but really I scarcely know her, and have not had time to study the calibre of her capacity. I wish you a very good afternoon.”

“I don’t see any reason to doubt her average ability, miss, but honestly, I barely know her and haven’t had enough time to understand the level of her skills. I hope you have a nice afternoon.”

She still pursued me. “You will observe, monsieur, and tell me what you think; I could so much better rely on your opinion than on my own; women cannot judge of these things as men can, and, excuse my pertinacity, monsieur, but it is natural I should feel interested about this poor little girl (pauvre petite); she has scarcely any relations, her own efforts are all she has to look to, her acquirements must be her sole fortune; her present position has once been mine, or nearly so; it is then but natural I should sympathize with her; and sometimes when I see the difficulty she has in managing pupils, I feel quite chagrined. I doubt not she does her best, her intentions are excellent; but, monsieur, she wants tact and firmness. I have talked to her on the subject, but I am not fluent, and probably did not express myself with clearness; she never appears to comprehend me. Now, would you occasionally, when you see an opportunity, slip in a word of advice to her on the subject; men have so much more influence than women have—they argue so much more logically than we do; and you, monsieur, in particular, have so paramount a power of making yourself obeyed; a word of advice from you could not but do her good; even if she were sullen and headstrong (which I hope she is not), she would scarcely refuse to listen to you; for my own part, I can truly say that I never attend one of your lessons without deriving benefit from witnessing your management of the pupils. The other masters are a constant source of anxiety to me; they cannot impress the young ladies with sentiments of respect, nor restrain the levity natural to youth: in you, monsieur, I feel the most absolute confidence; try then to put this poor child into the way of controlling our giddy, high-spirited Brabantoises. But, monsieur, I would add one word more; don’t alarm her amour propre; beware of inflicting a wound there. I reluctantly admit that in that particular she is blameably—some would say ridiculously—susceptible. I fear I have touched this sore point inadvertently, and she cannot get over it.”

She still pursued me. “You’ll see, sir, and tell me what you think; I would much rather rely on your opinion than my own; women can’t judge these things like men can, and, excuse my persistence, sir, but it’s natural for me to feel concerned about this poor little girl. She hardly has any family, her own efforts are all she has to depend on, and her skills must be her only fortune; her current situation used to be mine, or nearly so; it’s only natural for me to feel sympathy for her. Sometimes when I see how hard she has it managing her students, I feel quite frustrated. I’m sure she’s doing her best; her intentions are excellent. But, sir, she needs tact and firmness. I’ve talked to her about it, but I’m not very articulate, and I probably didn’t express myself clearly; she never seems to understand me. Now, would you sometimes, when you get the chance, slip her a word of advice on the subject? Men have so much more influence than women—they argue so much more logically than we do; and you, sir, in particular, have such a strong ability to command respect; a word of advice from you could only help her. Even if she were stubborn and headstrong (which I hope she isn’t), she’d hardly refuse to listen to you. For my part, I can honestly say that I never attend one of your lessons without benefiting from seeing how you manage the students. The other teachers are a constant source of stress for me; they can’t instill respect in the young ladies, nor can they curb the natural lightheartedness of youth. In you, sir, I feel complete confidence; so please try to help this poor child learn how to manage our excitable, spirited Brabantoises. But, sir, I would add one last thing; don’t hurt her pride; be careful not to wound it. I reluctantly admit that in that regard she is overly—some might say absurdly—sensitive. I fear I’ve touched on this sore spot by accident, and she can’t get past it.”

During the greater part of this harangue my hand was on the lock of the outer door; I now turned it.

During most of this speech, my hand was on the lock of the outer door; I now turned it.

“Au revoir, mademoiselle,” said I, and I escaped. I saw the directress’s stock of words was yet far from exhausted. She looked after me, she would fain have detained me longer. Her manner towards me had been altered ever since I had begun to treat her with hardness and indifference: she almost cringed to me on every occasion; she consulted my countenance incessantly, and beset me with innumerable little officious attentions. Servility creates despotism. This slavish homage, instead of softening my heart, only pampered whatever was stern and exacting in its mood. The very circumstance of her hovering round me like a fascinated bird, seemed to transform me into a rigid pillar of stone; her flatteries irritated my scorn, her blandishments confirmed my reserve. At times I wondered what she meant by giving herself such trouble to win me, when the more profitable Pelet was already in her nets, and when, too, she was aware that I possessed her secret, for I had not scrupled to tell her as much: but the fact is that as it was her nature to doubt the reality and under-value the worth of modesty, affection, disinterestedness—to regard these qualities as foibles of character—so it was equally her tendency to consider pride, hardness, selfishness, as proofs of strength. She would trample on the neck of humility, she would kneel at the feet of disdain; she would meet tenderness with secret contempt, indifference she would woo with ceaseless assiduities. Benevolence, devotedness, enthusiasm, were her antipathies; for dissimulation and self-interest she had a preference—they were real wisdom in her eyes; moral and physical degradation, mental and bodily inferiority, she regarded with indulgence; they were foils capable of being turned to good account as set-offs for her own endowments. To violence, injustice, tyranny, she succumbed—they were her natural masters; she had no propensity to hate, no impulse to resist them; the indignation their behests awake in some hearts was unknown in hers. From all this it resulted that the false and selfish called her wise, the vulgar and debased termed her charitable, the insolent and unjust dubbed her amiable, the conscientious and benevolent generally at first accepted as valid her claim to be considered one of themselves; but ere long the plating of pretension wore off, the real material appeared below, and they laid her aside as a deception.

“Goodbye, miss,” I said, and I got away. I could see the director’s supply of words was still far from running out. She looked after me, wishing to keep me longer. Her attitude towards me had changed ever since I started treating her with coldness and indifference: she almost grovelled to me on every occasion; she constantly read my expressions, and bombarded me with countless little helpful gestures. Servitude breeds tyranny. This submissive flattery, instead of softening my heart, only encouraged whatever was harsh and demanding in my nature. The very fact that she hovered around me like a captivated bird seemed to turn me into a solid stone pillar; her compliments irritated my disdain, and her sweet talk solidified my distance. Sometimes I wondered what she was trying to achieve by putting so much effort into winning me, when the more appealing Pelet was already in her nets, and when she knew that I had her secret, since I had made no secret of that either: but the truth is it was in her nature to question the reality and underestimate the value of modesty, affection, and selflessness—seeing these traits as personality flaws—while at the same time viewing pride, rigidity, and selfishness as signs of strength. She would stomp on humility and kneel before disdain; she would meet kindness with hidden contempt and chase indifference with relentless attention. Kindness, dedication, and enthusiasm were her aversions; she preferred deceit and self-interest—they were real wisdom in her eyes; she viewed moral and physical weakness, mental and physical inferiority with leniency; they were tools she could use to showcase her own strengths. To violence, injustice, and tyranny, she succumbed—they were her natural rulers; she had no tendency to hate or any urge to resist them; the anger their commands stirred in some hearts was foreign to hers. As a result, the false and selfish called her wise, the common and lowly referred to her as charitable, the arrogant and unjust labeled her as friendly, and the principled and kind initially accepted her claim to be considered one of them; but soon the veneer of pretension wore off, revealing the real nature beneath, and they dismissed her as a fraud.

CHAPTER XVI.

In the course of another fortnight I had seen sufficient of Frances Evans Henri, to enable me to form a more definite opinion of her character. I found her possessed in a somewhat remarkable degree of at least two good points, viz., perseverance and a sense of duty; I found she was really capable of applying to study, of contending with difficulties. At first I offered her the same help which I had always found it necessary to confer on the others; I began with unloosing for her each knotty point, but I soon discovered that such help was regarded by my new pupil as degrading; she recoiled from it with a certain proud impatience. Hereupon I appointed her long lessons, and left her to solve alone any perplexities they might present. She set to the task with serious ardour, and having quickly accomplished one labour, eagerly demanded more. So much for her perseverance; as to her sense of duty, it evinced itself thus: she liked to learn, but hated to teach; her progress as a pupil depended upon herself, and I saw that on herself she could calculate with certainty; her success as a teacher rested partly, perhaps chiefly, upon the will of others; it cost her a most painful effort to enter into conflict with this foreign will, to endeavour to bend it into subjection to her own; for in what regarded people in general the action of her will was impeded by many scruples; it was as unembarrassed as strong where her own affairs were concerned, and to it she could at any time subject her inclination, if that inclination went counter to her convictions of right; yet when called upon to wrestle with the propensities, the habits, the faults of others, of children especially, who are deaf to reason, and, for the most part, insensate to persuasion, her will sometimes almost refused to act; then came in the sense of duty, and forced the reluctant will into operation. A wasteful expense of energy and labour was frequently the consequence; Frances toiled for and with her pupils like a drudge, but it was long ere her conscientious exertions were rewarded by anything like docility on their part, because they saw that they had power over her, inasmuch as by resisting her painful attempts to convince, persuade, control—by forcing her to the employment of coercive measures—they could inflict upon her exquisite suffering. Human beings—human children especially—seldom deny themselves the pleasure of exercising a power which they are conscious of possessing, even though that power consist only in a capacity to make others wretched; a pupil whose sensations are duller than those of his instructor, while his nerves are tougher and his bodily strength perhaps greater, has an immense advantage over that instructor, and he will generally use it relentlessly, because the very young, very healthy, very thoughtless, know neither how to sympathize nor how to spare. Frances, I fear, suffered much; a continual weight seemed to oppress her spirits; I have said she did not live in the house, and whether in her own abode, wherever that might be, she wore the same preoccupied, unsmiling, sorrowfully resolved air that always shaded her features under the roof of Mdlle. Reuter, I could not tell.

Over the next two weeks, I got to know Frances Evans Henri well enough to form a clearer opinion of her character. I found her to have a remarkable level of perseverance and a strong sense of duty. She was genuinely capable of focusing on her studies and tackling challenges. Initially, I offered her the same help I had always given to others; I began by breaking down each difficult point for her, but I quickly realized that she saw this assistance as demeaning; she reacted with a proud impatience. So, I assigned her long lessons and left her to work through any confusion on her own. She approached the task with serious enthusiasm, completing one assignment quickly and eagerly asking for more. This showed her perseverance. Regarding her sense of duty, it appeared like this: she loved to learn but hated to teach. Her progress as a student depended on her, and I could see that she could reliably depend on herself; her success as a teacher, however, relied partly—maybe mostly—on the willingness of others. It took her a painful effort to engage with others' resistance, trying to bend their will to her own; when it came to people in general, she hesitated due to many scruples. She was as confident and strong-willed when it came to her own matters. She could set aside her desires if they conflicted with her sense of what was right. However, when faced with the tendencies, habits, and faults of others, particularly children who are often unresponsive and largely immune to persuasion, her will sometimes struggled to act. That’s when her sense of duty kicked in, forcing her reluctant will to function. This often led to a costly drain of energy and effort; Frances worked tirelessly with her students like a drudge, yet it took a long time before her dedicated efforts were met with any sort of compliance because the students realized they had power over her. By resisting her painful attempts to convince, persuade, or control her, they could cause her profound distress. Human beings—especially children—rarely miss the chance to exert power they know they have, even if that power is only to make others miserable. A student whose feelings are less intense than their teacher’s, while being more physically resilient and possibly stronger, has a significant advantage, and they will usually exploit it without mercy, as the very young, very healthy, and very thoughtless often lack empathy or restraint. Frances, I fear, suffered greatly; she seemed constantly weighed down by a heavy sadness. I mentioned that she didn’t live in the house, and I couldn't tell if she wore the same preoccupied, unsmiling, sorrowful expression in her own home, wherever that might be, as she did under Mdlle. Reuter's roof.

One day I gave, as a devoir, the trite little anecdote of Alfred tending cakes in the herdsman’s hut, to be related with amplifications. A singular affair most of the pupils made of it; brevity was what they had chiefly studied; the majority of the narratives were perfectly unintelligible; those of Sylvie and Léonie Ledru alone pretended to anything like sense and connection. Eulalie, indeed, had hit, upon a clever expedient for at once ensuring accuracy and saving trouble; she had obtained access somehow to an abridged history of England, and had copied the anecdote out fair. I wrote on the margin of her production “Stupid and deceitful,” and then tore it down the middle.

One day, I assigned the common little story of Alfred looking after cakes in the herdsman’s hut, asking them to elaborate on it. The students made a big deal out of it; they had mainly focused on being brief, and most of their stories were completely unclear. Only Sylvie and Léonie Ledru attempted to create something that resembled sense and coherence. Eulalie had actually come up with a clever way to ensure she was accurate and saved effort; she somehow got her hands on a condensed history of England and copied the story correctly. I wrote on the margin of her work, “Stupid and deceitful,” and then ripped it in half.

Last in the pile of single-leaved devoirs, I found one of several sheets, neatly written out and stitched together; I knew the hand, and scarcely needed the evidence of the signature “Frances Evans Henri” to confirm my conjecture as to the writer’s identity.

Last in the stack of single-leaf assignments, I found one of several sheets, neatly written and stitched together; I recognized the handwriting and hardly needed the signature “Frances Evans Henri” to confirm my guess about the writer’s identity.

Night was my usual time for correcting devoirs, and my own room the usual scene of such task—task most onerous hitherto; and it seemed strange to me to feel rising within me an incipient sense of interest, as I snuffed the candle and addressed myself to the perusal of the poor teacher’s manuscript.

Night was when I typically corrected homework, and my own room was the usual place for this task—one that had always felt burdensome; yet it was odd for me to feel a budding sense of interest as I trimmed the candle and started reading the poor teacher’s manuscript.

“Now,” thought I, “I shall see a glimpse of what she really is; I shall get an idea of the nature and extent of her powers; not that she can be expected to express herself well in a foreign tongue, but still, if she has any mind, here will be a reflection of it.”

“Now,” I thought, “I’ll get a glimpse of who she really is; I’ll understand the nature and extent of her abilities; she might not express herself well in a foreign language, but still, if she has any intelligence, this will reflect it.”

The narrative commenced by a description of a Saxon peasant’s hut, situated within the confines of a great, leafless, winter forest; it represented an evening in December; flakes of snow were falling, and the herdsman foretold a heavy storm; he summoned his wife to aid him in collecting their flock, roaming far away on the pastoral banks of the Thone; he warns her that it will be late ere they return. The good woman is reluctant to quit her occupation of baking cakes for the evening meal; but acknowledging the primary importance of securing the herds and flocks, she puts on her sheep-skin mantle; and, addressing a stranger who rests half reclined on a bed of rushes near the hearth, bids him mind the bread till her return.

The story starts with a description of a Saxon peasant's hut, located in a vast, leafless winter forest; it's a December evening, and snowflakes are falling. The herdsman predicts a strong storm, so he calls his wife to help him gather their flock, which has wandered far along the peaceful banks of the Thone. He warns her that it will be late by the time they come back. The good woman is hesitant to leave her task of baking cakes for dinner, but recognizing that securing the herds and flocks is essential, she puts on her sheepskin coat. Turning to a stranger who is lying half-reclined on a bed of rushes by the fire, she asks him to keep an eye on the bread until she gets back.

“Take care, young man,” she continues, “that you fasten the door well after us; and, above all, open to none in our absence; whatever sound you hear, stir not, and look not out. The night will soon fall; this forest is most wild and lonely; strange noises are often heard therein after sunset; wolves haunt these glades, and Danish warriors infest the country; worse things are talked of; you might chance to hear, as it were, a child cry, and on opening the door to afford it succour, a great black bull, or a shadowy goblin dog, might rush over the threshold; or, more awful still, if something flapped, as with wings, against the lattice, and then a raven or a white dove flew in and settled on the hearth, such a visitor would be a sure sign of misfortune to the house; therefore, heed my advice, and lift the latchet for nothing.”

“Be careful, young man,” she continues, “make sure to lock the door tight after we leave; and, most importantly, don’t let anyone in while we’re gone; no matter what you hear, don’t move or look outside. Night will fall soon; this forest is wild and lonely; strange sounds are often heard after sunset; wolves roam these woods, and Danish warriors are in the area; worse things are rumored; you might think you hear a child crying, and if you open the door to help, a huge black bull, or a shadowy goblin dog, might rush in; or even worse, if something flaps against the window, and then a raven or a white dove flies in and settles on the hearth, that would definitely be a sign of misfortune for the house; so, take my advice, and don’t open the latch for anything.”

Her husband calls her away, both depart. The stranger, left alone, listens awhile to the muffled snow-wind, the remote, swollen sound of the river, and then he speaks.

Her husband calls her, and they both leave. The stranger, now alone, listens for a bit to the muffled wind and the distant, heavy sound of the river, and then he starts to speak.

“It is Christmas Eve,” says he, “I mark the date; here I sit alone on a rude couch of rushes, sheltered by the thatch of a herdsman’s hut; I, whose inheritance was a kingdom, owe my night’s harbourage to a poor serf; my throne is usurped, my crown presses the brow of an invader; I have no friends; my troops wander broken in the hills of Wales; reckless robbers spoil my country; my subjects lie prostrate, their breasts crushed by the heel of the brutal Dane. Fate! thou hast done thy worst, and now thou standest before me resting thy hand on thy blunted blade. Ay; I see thine eye confront mine and demand why I still live, why I still hope. Pagan demon, I credit not thine omnipotence, and so cannot succumb to thy power. My God, whose Son, as on this night, took on Him the form of man, and for man vouchsafed to suffer and bleed, controls thy hand, and without His behest thou canst not strike a stroke. My God is sinless, eternal, all-wise—in Him is my trust; and though stripped and crushed by thee—though naked, desolate, void of resource—I do not despair, I cannot despair: were the lance of Guthrum now wet with my blood, I should not despair. I watch, I toil, I hope, I pray; Jehovah, in his own time, will aid.”

“It’s Christmas Eve,” he says, “I remember this date; here I sit alone on a rough couch made of rushes, sheltered by the thatch of a shepherd’s hut; I, who was supposed to inherit a kingdom, owe my resting place to a poor serf; my throne is taken over, my crown weighs on the head of an invader; I have no friends; my troops are scattered and broken in the hills of Wales; reckless thieves are ravaging my country; my subjects are defeated, their chests crushed by the heel of the brutal Dane. Fate! you have done your worst, and now you stand before me with your hand resting on your dull blade. Yes; I see your eye challenging mine, asking why I am still alive, why I still have hope. Evil spirit, I do not believe in your power, so I cannot give in to you. My God, whose Son, on this night, took on human form and suffered and bled for mankind, controls your hand, and without His command, you cannot strike a blow. My God is sinless, eternal, all-knowing—in Him is my trust; and though I am stripped and crushed by you—though I am naked, desolate, and out of options—I do not despair, I cannot despair: even if Guthrum’s spear was now drenched in my blood, I would not despair. I watch, I work, I hope, I pray; Jehovah, in His own time, will help.”

I need not continue the quotation; the whole devoir was in the same strain. There were errors of orthography, there were foreign idioms, there were some faults of construction, there were verbs irregular transformed into verbs regular; it was mostly made up, as the above example shows, of short and somewhat rude sentences, and the style stood in great need of polish and sustained dignity; yet such as it was, I had hitherto seen nothing like it in the course of my professorial experience. The girl’s mind had conceived a picture of the hut, of the two peasants, of the crownless king; she had imagined the wintry forest, she had recalled the old Saxon ghost-legends, she had appreciated Alfred’s courage under calamity, she had remembered his Christian education, and had shown him, with the rooted confidence of those primitive days, relying on the scriptural Jehovah for aid against the mythological Destiny. This she had done without a hint from me: I had given the subject, but not said a word about the manner of treating it.

I don't need to quote any further; the entire assignment was in the same style. There were spelling mistakes, foreign phrases, some construction errors, and irregular verbs turned into regular ones; it was mostly composed, as the example above shows, of short and somewhat awkward sentences, and the writing definitely needed refinement and a sense of dignity. Yet, despite that, I had never seen anything like it in my teaching experience. The girl's mind had created a picture of the hut, the two peasants, and the king without a crown; she had imagined the wintry forest, recalled the old Saxon ghost stories, appreciated Alfred’s bravery in tough times, remembered his Christian upbringing, and showed him, with the deep trust of those early days, relying on the biblical God for help against the mythological Fate. She accomplished all this without any guidance from me: I had given the topic but hadn’t said anything about how to approach it.

“I will find, or make, an opportunity of speaking to her,” I said to myself as I rolled the devoir up; “I will learn what she has of English in her besides the name of Frances Evans; she is no novice in the language, that is evident, yet she told me she had neither been in England, nor taken lessons in English, nor lived in English families.”

“I will find or create a chance to talk to her,” I said to myself as I rolled up the letter; “I will discover what else she knows in English besides the name Frances Evans. It's clear that she's not a beginner in the language, yet she told me she has never been to England, nor taken English lessons, nor lived with English families.”

In the course of my next lesson, I made a report of the other devoirs, dealing out praise and blame in very small retail parcels, according to my custom, for there was no use in blaming severely, and high encomiums were rarely merited. I said nothing of Mdlle. Henri’s exercise, and, spectacles on nose, I endeavoured to decipher in her countenance her sentiments at the omission. I wanted to find out whether in her existed a consciousness of her own talents. “If she thinks she did a clever thing in composing that devoir, she will now look mortified,” thought I. Grave as usual, almost sombre, was her face; as usual, her eyes were fastened on the cahier open before her; there was something, I thought, of expectation in her attitude, as I concluded a brief review of the last devoir, and when, casting it from me and rubbing my hands, I bade them take their grammars, some slight change did pass over her air and mien, as though she now relinquished a faint prospect of pleasant excitement; she had been waiting for something to be discussed in which she had a degree of interest; the discussion was not to come on, so expectation sank back, shrunk and sad, but attention, promptly filling up the void, repaired in a moment the transient collapse of feature; still, I felt, rather than saw, during the whole course of the lesson, that a hope had been wrenched from her, and that if she did not show distress, it was because she would not.

During my next lesson, I gave feedback on the other assignments, handing out praise and criticism in very small doses, as was my habit, since harsh criticism was pointless and high praise was rarely deserved. I didn’t mention Mdlle. Henri’s exercise and, with my glasses on, I tried to read her expression to see how she felt about being overlooked. I wanted to know if she was aware of her own abilities. “If she thinks she did something impressive by writing that assignment, she’ll probably look disappointed,” I thought. As usual, her face was serious, almost gloomy; her eyes were focused on the open notebook in front of her. I sensed a hint of anticipation in her posture as I wrapped up my brief review of the last assignment. When I dismissed it and rubbed my hands together, telling them to take out their grammar books, a slight change crossed her face, as if she was letting go of a tiny glimmer of excitement. She had been waiting for a topic that held her interest, and since that discussion wouldn't happen, her anticipation faded, becoming small and sad. However, attention quickly filled the gap, restoring her expression almost immediately; still, I could feel, rather than see, throughout the lesson that a hope had been taken from her, and even if she didn’t show distress, it was only because she chose not to.

At four o’clock, when the bell rang and the room was in immediate tumult, instead of taking my hat and starting from the estrade, I sat still a moment. I looked at Frances, she was putting her books into her cabas; having fastened the button, she raised her head; encountering my eye, she made a quiet, respectful obeisance, as bidding good afternoon, and was turning to depart:—

At four o’clock, when the bell rang and the room erupted in chaos, instead of grabbing my hat and leaving the stage, I paused for a moment. I glanced at Frances; she was putting her books into her tote. After fastening the button, she lifted her head; when our eyes met, she gave a small, respectful nod as if to say good afternoon, and was about to leave:—

“Come here,” said I, lifting my finger at the same time. She hesitated; she could not hear the words amidst the uproar now pervading both school-rooms; I repeated the sign; she approached; again she paused within half a yard of the estrade, and looked shy, and still doubtful whether she had mistaken my meaning.

“Come here,” I said, lifting my finger at the same time. She hesitated; she couldn’t hear my words over the noise filling both classrooms; I repeated the gesture; she moved closer; again she paused about half a yard from the platform, looking shy and still unsure if she had understood my meaning correctly.

“Step up,” I said, speaking with decision. It is the only way of dealing with diffident, easily embarrassed characters, and with some slight manual aid I presently got her placed just where I wanted her to be, that is, between my desk and the window, where she was screened from the rush of the second division, and where no one could sneak behind her to listen.

“Step up,” I said, speaking firmly. It’s the only way to handle shy, easily embarrassed people, and with a little help, I soon had her positioned exactly where I wanted—between my desk and the window, where she was shielded from the hustle of the second division, and where no one could sneak behind her to eavesdrop.

“Take a seat,” I said, placing a tabouret; and I made her sit down. I knew what I was doing would be considered a very strange thing, and, what was more, I did not care. Frances knew it also, and, I fear, by an appearance of agitation and trembling, that she cared much. I drew from my pocket the rolled-up devoir.

“Have a seat,” I said, pulling up a stool, and I made her sit down. I knew this would be seen as pretty odd, and what’s more, I didn’t care. Frances knew it too, and I’m afraid her nervousness showed that she cared a lot. I took the rolled-up assignment out of my pocket.

“This is yours, I suppose?” said I, addressing her in English, for I now felt sure she could speak English.

“This is yours, I guess?” I said, talking to her in English, since I was now sure she could speak it.

“Yes,” she answered distinctly; and as I unrolled it and laid it out flat on the desk before her with my hand upon it, and a pencil in that hand, I saw her moved, and, as it were, kindled; her depression beamed as a cloud might behind which the sun is burning.

“Yes,” she replied clearly; and as I unrolled it and spread it out flat on the desk in front of her with my hand on it, and a pencil in that hand, I noticed she was touched, almost ignited; her sadness shone through like a cloud behind which the sun is shining.

“This devoir has numerous faults,” said I. “It will take you some years of careful study before you are in a condition to write English with absolute correctness. Attend: I will point out some principal defects.” And I went through it carefully, noting every error, and demonstrating why they were errors, and how the words or phrases ought to have been written. In the course of this sobering process she became calm. I now went on:

“This assignment has a lot of mistakes,” I said. “It will take you several years of focused study before you’re able to write English perfectly. Listen up: I’m going to point out some major issues.” And I went through it carefully, highlighting every error, explaining why they were mistakes, and showing how the words or phrases should have been written. During this serious process, she became calmer. I then continued:

“As to the substance of your devoir, Mdlle. Henri, it has surprised me; I perused it with pleasure, because I saw in it some proofs of taste and fancy. Taste and fancy are not the highest gifts of the human mind, but such as they are you possess them—not probably in a paramount degree, but in a degree beyond what the majority can boast. You may then take courage; cultivate the faculties that God and nature have bestowed on you, and do not fear in any crisis of suffering, under any pressure of injustice, to derive free and full consolation from the consciousness of their strength and rarity.”

“As for the content of your work, Mdlle. Henri, it surprised me. I read it with pleasure because I noticed some evidence of taste and creativity. Taste and creativity aren't the greatest gifts of the human mind, but you have them—perhaps not in the highest degree, but definitely more than most people can claim. So, you can be encouraged; nurture the abilities that God and nature have given you, and don’t hesitate, during any hardship or under any injustice, to find complete comfort in the awareness of their strength and uniqueness.”

“Strength and rarity!” I repeated to myself; “ay, the words are probably true,” for on looking up, I saw the sun had dissevered its screening cloud, her countenance was transfigured, a smile shone in her eyes—a smile almost triumphant; it seemed to say—

“Strength and rarity!” I repeated to myself; “yeah, those words are probably true,” because when I looked up, I saw the sun break through the clouds, her face transformed, a smile lighting up her eyes—a smile that seemed almost triumphant; it seemed to say—

“I am glad you have been forced to discover so much of my nature; you need not so carefully moderate your language. Do you think I am myself a stranger to myself? What you tell me in terms so qualified, I have known fully from a child.”

“I’m glad you’ve had to figure out so much about me; you don’t need to hold back your words. Do you really think I don’t know myself? What you say in such careful terms, I’ve been aware of completely since I was a child.”

She did say this as plainly as a frank and flashing glance could, but in a moment the glow of her complexion, the radiance of her aspect, had subsided; if strongly conscious of her talents, she was equally conscious of her harassing defects, and the remembrance of these obliterated for a single second, now reviving with sudden force, at once subdued the too vivid characters in which her sense of her powers had been expressed. So quick was the revulsion of feeling, I had not time to check her triumph by reproof; ere I could contract my brows to a frown she had become serious and almost mournful-looking.

She said this as clearly as a bold and bright glance could express, but in an instant, the glow of her skin and the brightness of her appearance faded. While she was acutely aware of her talents, she was just as aware of her troubling flaws, and the memory of those flaws, which had momentarily disappeared, suddenly came rushing back, quickly dampening the intensity of her confidence. The shift in her emotions happened so fast that I didn’t have time to temper her victory with criticism; before I could even manage a frown, she had turned serious and looked almost sad.

“Thank you, sir,” said she, rising. There was gratitude both in her voice and in the look with which she accompanied it. It was time, indeed, for our conference to terminate; for, when I glanced around, behold all the boarders (the day-scholars had departed) were congregated within a yard or two of my desk, and stood staring with eyes and mouths wide open; the three maîtresses formed a whispering knot in one corner, and, close at my elbow, was the directress, sitting on a low chair, calmly clipping the tassels of her finished purse.

“Thank you, sir,” she said, standing up. There was gratitude in her voice and in the way she looked at me. It was definitely time for our meeting to end; when I looked around, all the boarders (the day students had left) were gathered just a couple of yards from my desk, staring with wide eyes and open mouths. The three teachers had formed a whispering group in one corner, and right next to me sat the director, comfortably trimming the tassels on her finished purse while sitting on a low chair.

CHAPTER XVII.

AFTER all I had profited but imperfectly by the opportunity I had so boldly achieved of speaking to Mdlle. Henri; it was my intention to ask her how she came to be possessed of two English baptismal names, Frances and Evans, in addition to her French surname, also whence she derived her good accent. I had forgotten both points, or, rather, our colloquy had been so brief that I had not had time to bring them forward; moreover, I had not half tested her powers of speaking English; all I had drawn from her in that language were the words “Yes,” and “Thank you, sir.” “No matter,” I reflected. “What has been left incomplete now, shall be finished another day.” Nor did I fail to keep the promise thus made to myself. It was difficult to get even a few words of particular conversation with one pupil among so many; but, according to the old proverb, “Where there is a will, there is a way;” and again and again I managed to find an opportunity for exchanging a few words with Mdlle. Henri, regardless that envy stared and detraction whispered whenever I approached her.

AFTER all, I had only partially benefited from the chance I had so boldly taken to speak to Mdlle. Henri; I planned to ask her how she ended up with two English first names, Frances and Evans, alongside her French last name, and where she got her excellent accent. I had forgotten both questions, or rather, our conversation was so brief that I didn't have time to bring them up; plus, I hadn't even tested her English skills much; all I got from her were the words “Yes” and “Thank you, sir.” “No matter,” I thought. “What I didn't finish now can be done another day.” And I did keep that promise to myself. It was tough to get even a few words in with one student among so many; but, as the saying goes, “Where there's a will, there's a way;” and again and again, I found a chance to exchange a few words with Mdlle. Henri, ignoring the envious glances and whispers of those around me every time I approached her.

“Your book an instant.” Such was the mode in which I often began these brief dialogues; the time was always just at the conclusion of the lesson; and motioning to her to rise, I installed myself in her place, allowing her to stand deferentially at my side; for I esteemed it wise and right in her case to enforce strictly all forms ordinarily in use between master and pupil; the rather because I perceived that in proportion as my manner grew austere and magisterial, hers became easy and self-possessed—an odd contradiction, doubtless, to the ordinary effect in such cases; but so it was.

“Your book is an instant.” That’s how I often started these quick chats; the timing was always right after the lesson ended. I would gesture for her to get up, and I’d take her seat, letting her stand respectfully by my side. I thought it was smart and appropriate to strictly uphold all the usual customs between teacher and student in her situation. The more serious and authoritative I became, the more relaxed and confident she seemed—an unusual contradiction compared to what usually happens in such situations; but that’s how it was.

“A pencil,” said I, holding out my hand without looking at her. (I am now about to sketch a brief report of the first of these conferences.) She gave me one, and while I underlined some errors in a grammatical exercise she had written, I observed—

“A pencil,” I said, reaching out my hand without looking at her. (I’m about to give a quick overview of the first of these meetings.) She handed me one, and while I highlighted some mistakes in a grammar exercise she had done, I noticed—

“You are not a native of Belgium?”

"You’re not Belgian?"

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Nor of France?”

"Not France?"

“No.”

“No.”

“Where, then, is your birthplace?”

“Where's your birthplace?”

“I was born at Geneva.”

“I was born in Geneva.”

“You don’t call Frances and Evans Swiss names, I presume?”

“You don’t call Frances and Evans Swiss names, do you?”

“No, sir; they are English names.”

“No, sir; they are English names.”

“Just so; and is it the custom of the Genevese to give their children English appellatives?”

“Exactly; is it common for the people of Geneva to give their children English names?”

“Non, Monsieur; mais—”

"Not, sir; but—"

“Speak English, if you please.”

“Please speak English.”

“Mais—”

"However—"

“English—”

“English—”

“But” (slowly and with embarrassment) “my parents were not all the two Genevese.”

“But” (slowly and with embarrassment) “my parents weren't really the two Genevese.”

“Say both, instead of ‘all the two,’ mademoiselle.”

“Say both, instead of ‘all the two,’ miss.”

“Not both Swiss: my mother was English.”

“Not both Swiss: my mom was English.”

“Ah! and of English extraction?”

"Ah! from English descent?"

“Yes—her ancestors were all English.”

“Yes—her ancestors were all British.”

“And your father?”

“And how's your dad?”

“He was Swiss.”

"He was from Switzerland."

“What besides? What was his profession?”

“What else? What did he do for a living?”

“Ecclesiastic—pastor—he had a church.”

“Pastor—he had a church.”

“Since your mother is an Englishwoman, why do you not speak English with more facility?”

“Since your mom is English, why don't you speak English more easily?”

“Maman est morte, il y a dix ans.”

"Mom passed away ten years ago."

“And you do homage to her memory by forgetting her language. Have the goodness to put French out of your mind so long as I converse with you—keep to English.”

“And you pay tribute to her memory by forgetting her language. Please do me a favor and set aside French while we talk—stick to English.”

“C’est si difficile, monsieur, quand on n’en a plus l’habitude.”

“It's so difficult, sir, when you're no longer used to it.”

“You had the habitude formerly, I suppose? Now answer me in your mother tongue.”

“You used to have the habit, I guess? Now answer me in your first language.”

“Yes, sir, I spoke the English more than the French when I was a child.”

“Yes, sir, I spoke more English than French when I was a child.”

“Why do you not speak it now?”

“Why aren’t you saying it now?”

“Because I have no English friends.”

“Because I don't have any English friends.”

“You live with your father, I suppose?”

"You live with your dad, right?"

“My father is dead.”

"My dad has passed away."

“You have brothers and sisters?”

“Do you have siblings?”

“Not one.”

“None.”

“Do you live alone?”

“Do you live by yourself?”

“No—I have an aunt—ma tante Julienne.”

“No—I have an aunt—my aunt Julienne.”

“Your father’s sister?”

"Aunt?"

“Justement, monsieur.”

"Exactly, sir."

“Is that English?”

"Is that even English?"

“No—but I forget—”

“No—but I forgot—”

“For which, mademoiselle, if you were a child I should certainly devise some slight punishment; at your age—you must be two or three and twenty, I should think?”

“For which, miss, if you were a child I would definitely come up with some minor punishment; at your age—you must be around twenty-two or twenty-three, I guess?”

“Pas encore, monsieur—en un mois j’aurai dix-neuf ans.”

“Not yet, sir—in a month I will be nineteen.”

“Well, nineteen is a mature age, and, having attained it, you ought to be so solicitous for your own improvement, that it should not be needful for a master to remind you twice of the expediency of your speaking English whenever practicable.”

“Well, nineteen is an age of maturity, and now that you've reached it, you should care enough about your own growth that a teacher shouldn’t have to remind you more than once about the importance of speaking English whenever you can.”

To this wise speech I received no answer; and, when I looked up, my pupil was smiling to herself a much-meaning, though not very gay smile; it seemed to say, “He talks of he knows not what:” it said this so plainly, that I determined to request information on the point concerning which my ignorance seemed to be thus tacitly affirmed.

To this wise speech, I got no response; and when I looked up, my student was smiling to herself with a meaningful, though not very cheerful, smile. It seemed to say, “He talks about things he doesn't understand.” It was so clear that I decided to ask for clarification on the issue my ignorance seemed to be silently acknowledged.

“Are you solicitous for your own improvement?”

"Are you eager for your own growth?"

“Rather.”

"Instead."

“How do you prove it, mademoiselle?”

“How do you prove it, miss?”

An odd question, and bluntly put; it excited a second smile.

An unusual question, straightforwardly stated; it triggered another smile.

“Why, monsieur, I am not inattentive—am I? I learn my lessons well—”

“Why, sir, I’m not being inattentive—am I? I learn my lessons well—”

“Oh, a child can do that! and what more do you do?”

“Oh, a kid can do that! What else do you do?”

“What more can I do?”

“What else can I do?”

“Oh, certainly, not much; but you are a teacher, are you not, as well as a pupil?”

“Oh, of course, not a lot; but you’re a teacher, right, as well as a student?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“You teach lace-mending?”

"You teach fixing lace?"

“Yes.”

“Yep.”

“A dull, stupid occupation; do you like it?”

“A boring, mindless job; do you enjoy it?”

“No—it is tedious.”

"No—it’s boring."

“Why do you pursue it? Why do you not rather teach history, geography, grammar, even arithmetic?”

“Why are you chasing that? Why don’t you just teach history, geography, grammar, or even math?”

“Is monsieur certain that I am myself thoroughly acquainted with these studies?”

“Is sir sure that I am fully familiar with these studies?”

“I don’t know; you ought to be at your age.”

“I don’t know; you really should at your age.”

“But I never was at school, monsieur—”

“But I never went to school, sir—”

“Indeed! What then were your friends—what was your aunt about? She is very much to blame.”

“Seriously! What were your friends doing—what was your aunt doing? She’s really to blame.”

“No monsieur, no—my aunt is good—she is not to blame—she does what she can; she lodges and nourishes me” (I report Mdlle. Henri’s phrases literally, and it was thus she translated from the French). “She is not rich; she has only an annuity of twelve hundred francs, and it would be impossible for her to send me to school.”

“No, sir, no—my aunt is good—she isn’t at fault—she does what she can; she provides me with food and shelter” (I’m quoting Mdlle. Henri’s words exactly, and that’s how she translated from French). “She isn’t wealthy; she has only an annuity of twelve hundred francs, and it would be impossible for her to afford sending me to school.”

“Rather,” thought I to myself on hearing this, but I continued, in the dogmatical tone I had adopted:—

“Actually,” I thought to myself when I heard this, but I kept going in the authoritative tone I had taken on:—

“It is sad, however, that you should be brought up in ignorance of the most ordinary branches of education; had you known something of history and grammar you might, by degrees, have relinquished your lace-mending drudgery, and risen in the world.”

“It’s unfortunate, though, that you were raised without knowledge of the basics of education; if you had learned a bit of history and grammar, you might have gradually left behind your lace-mending toil and moved up in the world.”

“It is what I mean to do.”

“It’s what I plan to do.”

“How? By a knowledge of English alone? That will not suffice; no respectable family will receive a governess whose whole stock of knowledge consists in a familiarity with one foreign language.”

“How? Just knowing English? That won't be enough; no respectable family will hire a governess whose only knowledge is familiarity with a single foreign language.”

“Monsieur, I know other things.”

"Sir, I'm aware of other things."

“Yes, yes, you can work with Berlin wools, and embroider handkerchiefs and collars—that will do little for you.”

“Yes, yes, you can work with Berlin wools and embroider handkerchiefs and collars—that won't do much for you.”

Mdlle. Henri’s lips were unclosed to answer, but she checked herself, as thinking the discussion had been sufficiently pursued, and remained silent.

Mdlle. Henri opened her lips to respond, but then held back, feeling that the discussion had been sufficiently explored, and stayed silent.

“Speak,” I continued, impatiently; “I never like the appearance of acquiescence when the reality is not there; and you had a contradiction at your tongue’s end.”

“Speak,” I said, impatiently; “I never like the look of agreement when it’s not genuine; and you were ready to contradict yourself.”

“Monsieur, I have had many lessons both in grammar, history, geography, and arithmetic. I have gone through a course of each study.”

“Sir, I have taken many lessons in grammar, history, geography, and math. I have completed a course in each subject.”

“Bravo! but how did you manage it, since your aunt could not afford to send you to school?”

“Great job! But how did you pull that off, since your aunt couldn’t afford to send you to school?”

“By lace-mending; by the thing monsieur despises so much.”

“By fixing lace; by the thing that mister hates so much.”

“Truly! And now, mademoiselle, it will be a good exercise for you to explain to me in English how such a result was produced by such means.”

"Really! And now, miss, it would be a great opportunity for you to explain to me in English how such a result came about through such methods."

“Monsieur, I begged my aunt to have me taught lace-mending soon after we came to Brussels, because I knew it was a métier, a trade which was easily learnt, and by which I could earn some money very soon. I learnt it in a few days, and I quickly got work, for all the Brussels ladies have old lace—very precious—which must be mended all the times it is washed. I earned money a little, and this money I gave for lessons in the studies I have mentioned; some of it I spent in buying books, English books especially; soon I shall try to find a place of governess, or school-teacher, when I can write and speak English well; but it will be difficult, because those who know I have been a lace-mender will despise me, as the pupils here despise me. Pourtant j’ai mon projet,” she added in a lower tone.

“Sir, I asked my aunt to teach me lace-mending soon after we arrived in Brussels because I knew it was a skill, a trade that was easy to learn, and I could earn some money quickly. I picked it up in just a few days and started getting work right away, since all the ladies in Brussels have old lace—very precious—that needs to be mended every time it gets washed. I made some money, which I used for lessons in the subjects I've mentioned; some of it went toward buying books, especially English books; soon I’ll try to find a position as a governess or school teacher when I can write and speak English well; but it will be tough because those who know I've been a lace-mender will look down on me, just like the students here do. However, I have my plan,” she added in a quieter tone.

“What is it?”

"What’s that?"

“I will go and live in England; I will teach French there.”

"I’m going to move to England; I’ll teach French there."

The words were pronounced emphatically. She said “England” as you might suppose an Israelite of Moses’ days would have said Canaan.

The words were spoken with emphasis. She said “England” just like you might imagine an Israelite in Moses' time would have said Canaan.

“Have you a wish to see England?”

“Do you want to see England?”

“Yes, and an intention.”

“Yeah, and a purpose.”

And here a voice, the voice of the directress, interposed:

And then a voice, the voice of the director, interrupted:

“Mademoiselle Henri, je crois qu’il va pleuvoir; vous feriez bien, ma bonne amie, de retourner chez vous tout de suite.”

“Mademoiselle Henri, I think it’s going to rain; you’d better, my good friend, head back home right away.”

In silence, without a word of thanks for this officious warning, Mdlle. Henri collected her books; she moved to me respectfully, endeavoured to move to her superior, though the endeavour was almost a failure, for her head seemed as if it would not bend, and thus departed.

In silence, without a word of thanks for this overly helpful warning, Mdlle. Henri gathered her books; she approached me politely, tried to approach her superior, but that attempt was almost a failure, as her head seemed like it wouldn’t bend, and so she left.

Where there is one grain of perseverance or wilfulness in the composition, trifling obstacles are ever known rather to stimulate than discourage. Mdlle. Reuter might as well have spared herself the trouble of giving that intimation about the weather (by-the-by her prediction was falsified by the event—it did not rain that evening). At the close of the next lesson I was again at Mdlle. Henri’s desk. Thus did I accost her:—

Where there’s even a hint of determination or stubbornness, small obstacles tend to motivate rather than dishearten. Mdlle. Reuter could have saved herself the effort of mentioning the weather (by the way, her prediction turned out to be wrong—it didn’t rain that evening). At the end of the next lesson, I was back at Mdlle. Henri’s desk. This is how I addressed her:—

“What is your idea of England, mademoiselle? Why do you wish to go there?”

“What do you think of England, miss? Why do you want to go there?”

Accustomed by this time to the calculated abruptness of my manner, it no longer discomposed or surprised her, and she answered with only so much of hesitation as was rendered inevitable by the difficulty she experienced in improvising the translation of her thoughts from French to English.

By now, she was used to my bluntness, so it didn’t unsettle or catch her off guard anymore. She responded with just enough hesitation that came naturally from the challenge of translating her thoughts from French to English on the spot.

“England is something unique, as I have heard and read; my idea of it is vague, and I want to go there to render my idea clear, definite.”

“England is something special, as I’ve heard and read; my impression of it is unclear, and I want to go there to make my impression clear and definite.”

“Hum! How much of England do you suppose you could see if you went there in the capacity of a teacher? A strange notion you must have of getting a clear and definite idea of a country! All you could see of Great Britain would be the interior of a school, or at most of one or two private dwellings.”

“Hmm! How much of England do you think you could actually see if you went there as a teacher? You must have a weird idea of getting a clear and solid understanding of a country! All you would see of Great Britain would be inside a school, or maybe one or two private homes at most.”

“It would be an English school; they would be English dwellings.”

“It would be an English school; they would be English homes.”

“Indisputably; but what then? What would be the value of observations made on a scale so narrow?”

“Absolutely; but then what? What would be the point of observations made on such a limited scale?”

“Monsieur, might not one learn something by analogy? An—échantillon—a—a sample often serves to give an idea of the whole; besides, narrow and wide are words comparative, are they not? All my life would perhaps seem narrow in your eyes—all the life of a—that little animal subterranean—une taupe—comment dit-on?”

“Monsieur, can't one learn something by analogy? A sample often gives an idea of the whole; besides, narrow and wide are comparative terms, right? All my life might seem narrow to you—all the life of that little underground creature—a mole—what do you call it?”

“Mole.”

“Mole.”

“Yes—a mole, which lives underground would seem narrow even to me.”

“Yes—a mole that lives underground would seem small even to me.”

“Well, mademoiselle—what then? Proceed.”

“Well, miss—what’s next? Go ahead.”

“Mais, monsieur, vous me comprenez.”

"But, sir, you understand me."

“Not in the least; have the goodness to explain.”

“Not at all; please be kind enough to explain.”

“Why, monsieur, it is just so. In Switzerland I have done but little, learnt but little, and seen but little; my life there was in a circle; I walked the same round every day; I could not get out of it; had I rested—remained there even till my death, I should never have enlarged it, because I am poor and not skilful, I have not great acquirements; when I was quite tired of this round, I begged my aunt to go to Brussels; my existence is no larger here, because I am no richer or higher; I walk in as narrow a limit, but the scene is changed; it would change again if I went to England. I knew something of the bourgeois of Geneva, now I know something of the bourgeois of Brussels; if I went to London, I would know something of the bourgeois of London. Can you make any sense out of what I say, monsieur, or is it all obscure?”

“Why, sir, that’s exactly it. In Switzerland, I did very little, learned very little, and saw very little; my life there felt like a routine. I walked the same path every day and couldn’t break free from it. Even if I had stayed there until I died, I wouldn’t have expanded my life because I’m poor and not particularly skilled; I don’t have many accomplishments. When I got really tired of that routine, I asked my aunt to take me to Brussels; my life isn’t any bigger here because I’m not richer or more advanced; I’m still stuck in a narrow scope, but the scenery has changed. It would change again if I went to England. I knew a bit about the middle class in Geneva, and now I know a bit about the middle class in Brussels; if I went to London, I would learn about the middle class there. Can you make any sense of what I’m saying, sir, or is it all unclear?”

“I see, I see—now let us advert to another subject; you propose to devote your life to teaching, and you are a most unsuccessful teacher; you cannot keep your pupils in order.”

“I understand, I understand—now let’s turn to another topic; you plan to dedicate your life to teaching, but you're not very good at it; you struggle to keep your students in line.”

A flush of painful confusion was the result of this harsh remark; she bent her head to the desk, but soon raising it replied—

A wave of painful confusion hit her from this harsh comment; she lowered her head to the desk, but soon lifted it and replied—

“Monsieur, I am not a skilful teacher, it is true, but practice improves; besides, I work under difficulties; here I only teach sewing, I can show no power in sewing, no superiority—it is a subordinate art; then I have no associates in this house, I am isolated; I am too a heretic, which deprives me of influence.”

“Sir, it’s true that I’m not a skilled teacher, but practice helps improve; plus, I’m working under tough conditions. Here, I only teach sewing, and I can’t really showcase any real skill or superiority—it’s a lesser art. I also have no colleagues in this place; I’m all by myself. Plus, I’m seen as a heretic, which takes away my influence.”

“And in England you would be a foreigner; that too would deprive you of influence, and would effectually separate you from all round you; in England you would have as few connections, as little importance as you have here.”

"And in England, you'd be seen as a foreigner; that would take away your influence and completely distance you from everyone around you. In England, you'd have as few connections and as little significance as you do here."

“But I should be learning something; for the rest, there are probably difficulties for such as I everywhere, and if I must contend, and perhaps be conquered, I would rather submit to English pride than to Flemish coarseness; besides, monsieur—”

“But I should be learning something; as for the rest, there are probably challenges for someone like me everywhere, and if I have to fight, and possibly be defeated, I would prefer to bow to English pride than to Flemish roughness; besides, sir—”

She stopped—not evidently from any difficulty in finding words to express herself, but because discretion seemed to say, “You have said enough.”

She stopped—not clearly because she struggled to find the right words, but because it felt like common sense was saying, “You've said enough.”

“Finish your phrase,” I urged.

"Finish your sentence," I urged.

“Besides, monsieur, I long to live once more among Protestants; they are more honest than Catholics; a Romish school is a building with porous walls, a hollow floor, a false ceiling; every room in this house, monsieur, has eyeholes and ear-holes, and what the house is, the inhabitants are, very treacherous; they all think it lawful to tell lies; they all call it politeness to profess friendship where they feel hatred.”

“Besides, sir, I really want to live among Protestants again; they are more honest than Catholics. A Catholic school is like a building with weak walls, a hollow floor, and a fake ceiling; every room in this place, sir, has peepholes and holes to listen through, and the way the house is, the people are too—very untrustworthy. They all believe it’s okay to lie; they all think it’s polite to show friendship while feeling hatred.”

“All?” said I; “you mean the pupils—the mere children—inexperienced, giddy things, who have not learnt to distinguish the difference between right and wrong?”

"All?" I said. "You mean the students—the little kids—naive, careless things, who haven't learned to tell the difference between right and wrong?"

“On the contrary, monsieur—the children are the most sincere; they have not yet had time to become accomplished in duplicity; they will tell lies, but they do it inartificially, and you know they are lying; but the grown-up people are very false; they deceive strangers, they deceive each other—”

“Actually, sir—the children are the most genuine; they haven’t had the chance to master deceit yet; they will lie, but they do it clumsily, and you can tell they’re lying; but adults are very dishonest; they mislead strangers, they mislead each other—”

A servant here entered:—

A servant entered here:—

“Mdlle. Henri—Mdlle. Reuter vous prie de vouloir bien conduire la petite de Dorlodot chez elle, elle vous attend dans le cabinet de Rosalie la portière—c’est que sa bonne n’est pas venue la chercher—voyez-vous.”

“Mdlle. Henri—Mdlle. Reuter asks you to please take Dorlodot’s little girl home; she’s waiting for you in Rosalie the doorman’s office—her maid hasn’t come to pick her up—understand?”

“Eh bien! est-ce que je suis sa bonne—moi?” demanded Mdlle. Henri; then smiling, with that same bitter, derisive smile I had seen on her lips once before, she hastily rose and made her exit.

“Well! Am I her maid—me?” asked Mdlle. Henri; then smiling with that same bitter, mocking smile I had seen on her lips once before, she quickly got up and left.

CHAPTER XVIII.

THE young Anglo-Swiss evidently derived both pleasure and profit from the study of her mother-tongue. In teaching her I did not, of course, confine myself to the ordinary school routine; I made instruction in English a channel for instruction in literature. I prescribed to her a course of reading; she had a little selection of English classics, a few of which had been left her by her mother, and the others she had purchased with her own penny-fee. I lent her some more modern works; all these she read with avidity, giving me, in writing, a clear summary of each work when she had perused it. Composition, too, she delighted in. Such occupation seemed the very breath of her nostrils, and soon her improved productions wrung from me the avowal that those qualities in her I had termed taste and fancy ought rather to have been denominated judgment and imagination. When I intimated so much, which I did as usual in dry and stinted phrase, I looked for the radiant and exulting smile my one word of eulogy had elicited before; but Frances coloured. If she did smile, it was very softly and shyly; and instead of looking up to me with a conquering glance, her eyes rested on my hand, which, stretched over her shoulder, was writing some directions with a pencil on the margin of her book.

The young Anglo-Swiss clearly found both enjoyment and benefit in learning her native language. When I taught her, I didn’t just stick to the usual school routines; I used English instruction as a way to delve into literature. I assigned her a reading list that included a small selection of English classics—some were passed down from her mother, while others she bought with her own pocket money. I also lent her some modern works; she eagerly devoured them and provided me with clear summaries in writing after finishing each one. She took great pleasure in writing, which seemed essential to her, and soon her improved pieces made me realize that the qualities I had called taste and fancy were more accurately described as judgment and imagination. When I hinted at this, in my typical dry and limited fashion, I expected to see the bright and joyful smile that a compliment had brought out in her before; however, Frances blushed. If she did smile, it was very gentle and shy, and instead of looking up at me with a triumphant gaze, her eyes focused on my hand, which was stretched over her shoulder as I wrote some notes in the margin of her book.

“Well, are you pleased that I am satisfied with your progress?” I asked.

“Well, are you happy that I’m pleased with your progress?” I asked.

“Yes,” said she slowly, gently, the blush that had half subsided returning.

“Yes,” she said slowly and gently, the blush that had almost faded coming back.

“But I do not say enough, I suppose?” I continued. “My praises are too cool?”

“But I guess I’m not saying enough, am I?” I continued. “Are my compliments too lukewarm?”

She made no answer, and, I thought, looked a little sad. I divined her thoughts, and should much have liked to have responded to them, had it been expedient so to do. She was not now very ambitious of my admiration—not eagerly desirous of dazzling me; a little affection—ever so little—pleased her better than all the panegyrics in the world. Feeling this, I stood a good while behind her, writing on the margin of her book. I could hardly quit my station or relinquish my occupation; something retained me bending there, my head very near hers, and my hand near hers too; but the margin of a copy-book is not an illimitable space—so, doubtless, the directress thought; and she took occasion to walk past in order to ascertain by what art I prolonged so disproportionately the period necessary for filling it. I was obliged to go. Distasteful effort—to leave what we most prefer!

She didn’t respond, and I sensed a bit of sadness in her. I figured out what she was thinking and would have loved to respond to her thoughts if it had been appropriate. She wasn’t very eager for my admiration anymore—not trying hard to impress me; a little bit of affection—just a little—meant more to her than all the praises in the world. Feeling this, I stood behind her for quite a while, writing in the margin of her book. I could hardly move from my spot or stop what I was doing; something kept me leaning there, my head close to hers, and my hand near hers too. But the margin of a notebook isn’t endless—so, of course, she noticed and decided to walk by to see how I was taking so long to fill it. I had to go. It felt frustrating to leave something I liked so much!

Frances did not become pale or feeble in consequence of her sedentary employment; perhaps the stimulus it communicated to her mind counterbalanced the inaction it imposed on her body. She changed, indeed, changed obviously and rapidly; but it was for the better. When I first saw her, her countenance was sunless, her complexion colourless; she looked like one who had no source of enjoyment, no store of bliss anywhere in the world; now the cloud had passed from her mien, leaving space for the dawn of hope and interest, and those feelings rose like a clear morning, animating what had been depressed, tinting what had been pale. Her eyes, whose colour I had not at first known, so dim were they with repressed tears, so shadowed with ceaseless dejection, now, lit by a ray of the sunshine that cheered her heart, revealed irids of bright hazel—irids large and full, screened with long lashes; and pupils instinct with fire. That look of wan emaciation which anxiety or low spirits often communicates to a thoughtful, thin face, rather long than round, having vanished from hers, a clearness of skin almost bloom, and a plumpness almost embonpoint, softened the decided lines of her features. Her figure shared in this beneficial change; it became rounder, and as the harmony of her form was complete and her stature of the graceful middle height, one did not regret (or at least I did not regret) the absence of confirmed fulness, in contours, still slight, though compact, elegant, flexible—the exquisite turning of waist, wrist, hand, foot, and ankle satisfied completely my notions of symmetry, and allowed a lightness and freedom of movement which corresponded with my ideas of grace.

Frances didn't become pale or weak because of her desk job; maybe the mental stimulation it gave her balanced out the lack of physical activity. She changed, that's true, and it was a noticeable and quick change for the better. When I first saw her, her face was dull, her complexion lifeless; she looked like someone with no joy or happiness in the world. Now, the gloom was gone from her expression, making way for the dawn of hope and interest, and those feelings rose like a clear morning, reviving what had been downcast and coloring what had been pale. Her eyes, which I initially couldn’t fully see due to the tears that had clouded them and the sadness that hung over her, now shone with the light of happiness that brightened her heart, revealing bright hazel irises—large and full, framed by long lashes and pupils filled with spark. The look of pale thinness often brought on by anxiety or low spirits, which usually affects a thoughtful, slender face, had vanished from hers, replaced by a freshness to her skin that almost glowed, and a softness that added a touch of fullness to her features. Her figure also benefited from this positive change; it became rounder, and with her figure now harmonizing perfectly and her height being gracefully average, I didn’t miss (or at least I didn't mind) the lack of confirmed fullness, as her shape remained slim yet compact, elegant, and flexible—the beautiful curves of her waist, wrist, hand, foot, and ankle completely satisfied my ideas of symmetry while allowing for a lightness and freedom of movement that aligned with my perception of grace.

Thus improved, thus wakened to life, Mdlle. Henri began to take a new footing in the school; her mental power, manifested gradually but steadily, ere long extorted recognition even from the envious; and when the young and healthy saw that she could smile brightly, converse gaily, move with vivacity and alertness, they acknowledged in her a sisterhood of youth and health, and tolerated her as of their kind accordingly.

Thus improved and awakened to life, Mdlle. Henri started to establish herself in the school; her mental strength, which emerged gradually but steadily, soon earned her recognition even from those who were envious. When the young and healthy noticed that she could smile brightly, chat cheerfully, and move with energy and alertness, they accepted her as one of their own and tolerated her as part of their group.

To speak truth, I watched this change much as a gardener watches the growth of a precious plant, and I contributed to it too, even as the said gardener contributes to the development of his favourite. To me it was not difficult to discover how I could best foster my pupil, cherish her starved feelings, and induce the outward manifestation of that inward vigour which sunless drought and blighting blast had hitherto forbidden to expand. Constancy of attention—a kindness as mute as watchful, always standing by her, cloaked in the rough garb of austerity, and making its real nature known only by a rare glance of interest, or a cordial and gentle word; real respect masked with seeming imperiousness, directing, urging her actions, yet helping her too, and that with devoted care: these were the means I used, for these means best suited Frances’ feelings, as susceptible as deep vibrating—her nature at once proud and shy.

To be honest, I observed this change much like a gardener watches the growth of a beloved plant, and I played a part in it too, just as that gardener supports their favorite. It wasn’t hard for me to find the best ways to nurture my student, to care for her neglected emotions, and to encourage the outward display of the inner strength that drought and harsh conditions had previously prevented from blossoming. Consistent attention—a silent kindness that was always present, dressed in the rough exterior of strictness, revealing its true nature only through an occasional warm glance or a gentle word; genuine respect hidden behind a facade of authority, guiding and pushing her actions while also providing support with devoted care: these were the methods I employed, as they aligned perfectly with Frances’ feelings, which were as sensitive as they were profound—her nature both proud and reserved.

The benefits of my system became apparent also in her altered demeanour as a teacher; she now took her place amongst her pupils with an air of spirit and firmness which assured them at once that she meant to be obeyed—and obeyed she was. They felt they had lost their power over her. If any girl had rebelled, she would no longer have taken her rebellion to heart; she possessed a source of comfort they could not drain, a pillar of support they could not overthrow: formerly, when insulted, she wept; now, she smiled.

The benefits of my system became clear in her changed attitude as a teacher; she now stood confidently among her students with a sense of determination that made it clear she expected to be followed—and they followed her. They sensed they had lost their control over her. If any girl had tried to challenge her, it wouldn’t have affected her anymore; she had a source of strength they couldn’t take away, a foundation they couldn’t shake: in the past, when faced with insults, she cried; now, she smiled.

The public reading of one of her devoirs achieved the revelation of her talents to all and sundry; I remember the subject—it was an emigrant’s letter to his friends at home. It opened with simplicity; some natural and graphic touches disclosed to the reader the scene of virgin forest and great, New-World river—barren of sail and flag—amidst which the epistle was supposed to be indited. The difficulties and dangers that attend a settler’s life, were hinted at; and in the few words said on that subject, Mdlle. Henri failed not to render audible the voice of resolve, patience, endeavour. The disasters which had driven him from his native country were alluded to; stainless honour, inflexible independence, indestructible self-respect there took the word. Past days were spoken of; the grief of parting, the regrets of absence, were touched upon; feeling, forcible and fine, breathed eloquent in every period. At the close, consolation was suggested; religious faith became there the speaker, and she spoke well.

The public reading of one of her assignments revealed her talents to everyone; I remember the topic—it was an immigrant’s letter to his friends back home. It started out simply; some natural and vivid details painted a picture of untouched forest and vast, New World river—empty of sails or flags—where the letter was supposed to have been written. The challenges and dangers of a settler’s life were hinted at; in the few words spoken on that topic, Mdlle. Henri clearly conveyed a sense of determination, patience, and effort. The hardships that had driven him away from his home country were mentioned; integrity, unwavering independence, and unshakeable self-respect spoke through the text. Past days were discussed; the pain of parting and the regrets of being away were touched on; emotion, strong and refined, resonated in every sentence. In the end, a sense of consolation was offered; religious faith took center stage, and she expressed it beautifully.

The devoir was powerfully written in language at once chaste and choice, in a style nerved with vigour and graced with harmony.

The essay was powerfully written in language that was both pure and selective, in a style filled with energy and marked by harmony.

Mdlle. Reuter was quite sufficiently acquainted with English to understand it when read or spoken in her presence, though she could neither speak nor write it herself. During the perusal of this devoir, she sat placidly busy, her eyes and fingers occupied with the formation of a “rivière” or open-work hem round a cambric handkerchief; she said nothing, and her face and forehead, clothed with a mask of purely negative expression, were as blank of comment as her lips. As neither surprise, pleasure, approbation, nor interest were evinced in her countenance, so no more were disdain, envy, annoyance, weariness; if that inscrutable mien said anything, it was simply this—

Mdlle. Reuter knew enough English to understand it when it was read or spoken around her, but she couldn't speak or write it herself. While reading this assignment, she sat calmly busy, her eyes and fingers focused on creating an open-work hem around a handkerchief. She didn't say anything, and her face, with its completely neutral expression, showed no reaction at all—just as blank as her lips. There were no signs of surprise, pleasure, approval, or interest on her face, and neither were there any signs of disdain, envy, annoyance, or boredom; if her unreadable expression conveyed anything, it was simply this—

“The matter is too trite to excite an emotion, or call forth an opinion.”

"The issue is too trivial to spark any feelings or provoke a response."

As soon as I had done, a hum rose; several of the pupils, pressing round Mdlle. Henri, began to beset her with compliments; the composed voice of the directress was now heard:—

As soon as I finished, a buzz started; several of the students crowded around Mdlle. Henri and began showering her with compliments; the calm voice of the principal was now heard:—

“Young ladies, such of you as have cloaks and umbrellas will hasten to return home before the shower becomes heavier” (it was raining a little), “the remainder will wait till their respective servants arrive to fetch them.” And the school dispersed, for it was four o’clock.

“Young ladies, those of you with cloaks and umbrellas should hurry home before the rain gets heavier” (it was drizzling a bit), “the rest will wait for their servants to come and get them.” And the school let out, since it was four o’clock.

“Monsieur, a word,” said Mdlle. Reuter, stepping on to the estrade, and signifying, by a movement of the hand, that she wished me to relinquish, for an instant, the castor I had clutched.

“Mister, can I have a word?” said Mdlle. Reuter, stepping onto the platform and signaling with her hand that she wanted me to let go of the castor I was holding for a moment.

“Mademoiselle, I am at your service.”

“Mademoiselle, I’m here to help you.”

“Monsieur, it is of course an excellent plan to encourage effort in young people by making conspicuous the progress of any particularly industrious pupil; but do you not think that in the present instance, Mdlle. Henri can hardly be considered as a concurrent with the other pupils? She is older than most of them, and has had advantages of an exclusive nature for acquiring a knowledge of English; on the other hand, her sphere of life is somewhat beneath theirs; under these circumstances, a public distinction, conferred upon Mdlle. Henri, may be the means of suggesting comparisons, and exciting feelings such as would be far from advantageous to the individual forming their object. The interest I take in Mdlle. Henri’s real welfare makes me desirous of screening her from annoyances of this sort; besides, monsieur, as I have before hinted to you, the sentiment of amour-propre has a somewhat marked preponderance in her character; celebrity has a tendency to foster this sentiment, and in her it should be rather repressed—she rather needs keeping down than bringing forward; and then I think, monsieur—it appears to me that ambition, literary ambition especially, is not a feeling to be cherished in the mind of a woman: would not Mdlle. Henri be much safer and happier if taught to believe that in the quiet discharge of social duties consists her real vocation, than if stimulated to aspire after applause and publicity? She may never marry; scanty as are her resources, obscure as are her connections, uncertain as is her health (for I think her consumptive, her mother died of that complaint), it is more than probable she never will. I do not see how she can rise to a position, whence such a step would be possible; but even in celibacy it would be better for her to retain the character and habits of a respectable decorous female.”

“Sir, it's definitely a good idea to motivate young people by highlighting the achievements of particularly hardworking students. However, don’t you think that in this case, Mademoiselle Henri shouldn’t really be seen as a contender with the other students? She is older than most of them and has had exclusive opportunities to learn English; on the other hand, her social status is somewhat lower than theirs. Given these circumstances, publicly recognizing Mademoiselle Henri might lead to comparisons and feelings that wouldn’t be beneficial for her. I genuinely care about Mademoiselle Henri’s well-being and want to protect her from such annoyances. Moreover, as I’ve mentioned before, she has a strong sense of pride; fame tends to enhance this trait, and in her case, it should be subdued—she needs to be held back rather than pushed forward. Also, I believe that ambition, particularly literary ambition, isn’t something that should be encouraged in women. Wouldn’t Mademoiselle Henri be safer and happier if she believed her true calling lies in quietly fulfilling social responsibilities rather than chasing after applause and recognition? She may never marry; given her limited resources, obscure background, and uncertain health (I suspect she has a lung condition, as her mother died from it), it’s likely that she won’t. I don't see how she can rise to a position where that would be possible; but even if she remains single, it would be better for her to maintain the character and habits of a respectable, proper woman.”

“Indisputably, mademoiselle,” was my answer. “Your opinion admits of no doubt;” and, fearful of the harangue being renewed, I retreated under cover of that cordial sentence of assent.

“Absolutely, miss,” was my response. “Your opinion is beyond question;” and, worried about the lecture starting up again, I stepped back under the shield of that friendly agreement.

At the date of a fortnight after the little incident noted above, I find it recorded in my diary that a hiatus occurred in Mdlle. Henri’s usually regular attendance in class. The first day or two I wondered at her absence, but did not like to ask an explanation of it; I thought indeed some chance word might be dropped which would afford me the information I wished to obtain, without my running the risk of exciting silly smiles and gossiping whispers by demanding it. But when a week passed and the seat at the desk near the door still remained vacant, and when no allusion was made to the circumstance by any individual of the class—when, on the contrary, I found that all observed a marked silence on the point—I determined, coûte qui coûte, to break the ice of this silly reserve. I selected Sylvie as my informant, because from her I knew that I should at least get a sensible answer, unaccompanied by wriggle, titter, or other flourish of folly.

Two weeks after the little incident mentioned earlier, I noted in my diary that there was a break in Mdlle. Henri's normally regular attendance in class. At first, I was curious about her absence but didn't want to ask for an explanation; I thought maybe someone would mention it casually, giving me the information I wanted without me looking for it and risking silly smiles and gossiping whispers. However, when a week went by and the seat at the desk near the door was still empty, and no one in class brought it up—on the contrary, it seemed like everyone was intentionally staying quiet about it—I decided, coûte qui coûte, to break this awkward silence. I chose Sylvie to ask for information because I knew she would give me a straightforward answer without any giggles, squirming, or nonsense.

“Où donc est Mdlle. Henri?” I said one day as I returned an exercise-book I had been examining.

“Où donc est Mdlle. Henri?” I said one day as I handed back an exercise book I had been reviewing.

“Elle est partie, monsieur.”

"She's gone, sir."

“Partie? et pour combien de temps? Quand reviendra-t-elle?”

“Party? And for how long? When will she be back?”

“Elle est partie pour toujours, monsieur; elle ne reviendra plus.”

"She is gone forever, sir; she will not return."

“Ah!” was my involuntary exclamation; then after a pause:—

“Wow!” was my spontaneous reaction; then after a moment:—

“En êtes-vous bien sûre, Sylvie?”

"Are you absolutely sure, Sylvie?"

“Oui, oui, monsieur, mademoiselle la directrice nous l’a dit elle-même il y a deux ou trois jours.”

“Yeah, yeah, sir, the director told us herself two or three days ago.”

And I could pursue my inquiries no further; time, place, and circumstances forbade my adding another word. I could neither comment on what had been said, nor demand further particulars. A question as to the reason of the teacher’s departure, as to whether it had been voluntary or otherwise, was indeed on my lips, but I suppressed it—there were listeners all round. An hour after, in passing Sylvie in the corridor as she was putting on her bonnet, I stopped short and asked:—

And I couldn't continue my questions any longer; time, place, and circumstances prevented me from saying anything more. I couldn't comment on what had been said, nor could I ask for more details. I really wanted to know why the teacher left, whether it was by choice or not, but I held back—there were listeners all around. An hour later, as I walked by Sylvie in the hallway while she was putting on her hat, I stopped and asked:—

“Sylvie, do you know Mdlle. Henri’s address? I have some books of hers,” I added carelessly, “and I should wish to send them to her.”

“Sylvie, do you know Mdlle. Henri’s address? I have some of her books,” I added casually, “and I’d like to send them to her.”

“No, monsieur,” replied Sylvie; “but perhaps Rosalie, the portress, will be able to give it you.”

“No, sir,” replied Sylvie; “but maybe Rosalie, the doorkeeper, will be able to help you.”

Rosalie’s cabinet was just at hand; I stepped in and repeated the inquiry. Rosalie—a smart French grisette—looked up from her work with a knowing smile, precisely the sort of smile I had been so desirous to avoid exciting. Her answer was prepared; she knew nothing whatever of Mdlle. Henri’s address—had never known it. Turning from her with impatience—for I believed she lied and was hired to lie—I almost knocked down some one who had been standing at my back; it was the directress. My abrupt movement made her recoil two or three steps. I was obliged to apologize, which I did more concisely than politely. No man likes to be dogged, and in the very irritable mood in which I then was the sight of Mdlle. Reuter thoroughly incensed me. At the moment I turned her countenance looked hard, dark, and inquisitive; her eyes were bent upon me with an expression of almost hungry curiosity. I had scarcely caught this phase of physiognomy ere it had vanished; a bland smile played on her features; my harsh apology was received with good-humoured facility.

Rosalie’s cabinet was right there; I stepped in and asked again. Rosalie—a savvy French girl—looked up from her work with a knowing smile, exactly the kind of smile I had been trying to avoid provoking. She was ready with her response; she knew absolutely nothing about Mdlle. Henri’s address—had never known it. Turning away from her in frustration—because I thought she was lying and was paid to lie—I almost bumped into someone behind me; it was the director. My sudden movement made her step back a few paces. I had to apologize, which I did more briefly than politely. No one likes to be followed, and in the very irritable mood I was in, seeing Mdlle. Reuter completely annoyed me. In the moment I turned, her face looked stern, dark, and probing; her eyes were locked on me with an expression of almost ravenous curiosity. I had barely taken in this look before it disappeared; a friendly smile appeared on her face, and my curt apology was taken in stride with good humor.

“Oh, don’t mention it, monsieur; you only touched my hair with your elbow; it is no worse, only a little dishevelled.” She shook it back, and passing her fingers through her curls, loosened them into more numerous and flowing ringlets. Then she went on with vivacity:

“Oh, don’t worry about it, sir; you just brushed my hair with your elbow; it’s not a big deal, just a bit messy.” She shook it out, and running her fingers through her curls, she loosened them into more numerous and flowing ringlets. Then she continued with enthusiasm:

“Rosalie, I was coming to tell you to go instantly and close the windows of the salon; the wind is rising, and the muslin curtains will be covered with dust.”

“Rosalie, I was coming to tell you to go right now and close the salon windows; the wind is picking up, and the muslin curtains will get covered in dust.”

Rosalie departed. “Now,” thought I, “this will not do; Mdlle. Reuter thinks her meanness in eaves-dropping is screened by her art in devising a pretext, whereas the muslin curtains she speaks of are not more transparent than this same pretext.” An impulse came over me to thrust the flimsy screen aside, and confront her craft boldly with a word or two of plain truth. “The rough-shod foot treads most firmly on slippery ground,” thought I; so I began:

Rosalie left. “Now,” I thought, “this isn’t right; Mdlle. Reuter thinks her sneaky eavesdropping is hidden by her clever excuse, but the muslin curtains she talks about are no more opaque than that excuse.” I felt a sudden urge to push aside the flimsy barrier and face her deception head-on with a few words of straightforward honesty. “The heavy footsteps make the strongest mark on unstable ground,” I thought; so I started:

“Mademoiselle Henri has left your establishment—been dismissed, I presume?”

“Mademoiselle Henri has left your place—she's been let go, I assume?”

“Ah, I wished to have a little conversation with you, monsieur,” replied the directress with the most natural and affable air in the world; “but we cannot talk quietly here; will Monsieur step into the garden a minute?” And she preceded me, stepping out through the glass-door I have before mentioned.

“Ah, I wanted to have a quick chat with you, sir,” replied the director with the most natural and friendly demeanor. “But we can't talk quietly here; would you step into the garden for a moment?” And she led the way, stepping through the glass door I mentioned earlier.

“There,” said she, when we had reached the centre of the middle alley, and when the foliage of shrubs and trees, now in their summer pride, closing behind and around us, shut out the view of the house, and thus imparted a sense of seclusion even to this little plot of ground in the very core of a capital.

“Look,” she said, when we got to the middle of the alley, and as the lush summer foliage of the shrubs and trees closed in behind and around us, blocking our view of the house and creating a feeling of privacy even in this small patch of land right in the heart of the city.

“There, one feels quiet and free when there are only pear-trees and rose-bushes about one; I dare say you, like me, monsieur, are sometimes tired of being eternally in the midst of life; of having human faces always round you, human eyes always upon you, human voices always in your ear. I am sure I often wish intensely for liberty to spend a whole month in the country at some little farm-house, bien gentille, bien propre, tout entourée de champs et de bois; quelle vie charmante que la vie champêtre! N’est-ce pas, monsieur?”

“There, you feel peaceful and free when you're surrounded only by pear trees and rose bushes; I bet you, like me, sometimes get exhausted by being constantly in the middle of everything; having human faces always around you, human eyes always on you, human voices always in your ear. I often wish so much for the freedom to spend a whole month in the countryside at some cute little farmhouse, very nice and very clean, all surrounded by fields and woods; what a lovely life the country life is! Don’t you think so, sir?”

“Cela dépend, mademoiselle.”

"It depends, miss."

“Que le vent est bon et frais!” continued the directress; and she was right there, for it was a south wind, soft and sweet. I carried my hat in my hand, and this gentle breeze, passing through my hair, soothed my temples like balm. Its refreshing effect, however, penetrated no deeper than the mere surface of the frame; for as I walked by the side of Mdlle. Reuter, my heart was still hot within me, and while I was musing the fire burned; then spake I with my tongue:—

“Isn't the wind nice and cool?” continued the directress; and she was right, because it was a soft, sweet south wind. I held my hat in my hand, and this gentle breeze, flowing through my hair, calmed my temples like a soothing balm. However, its refreshing effect didn’t go deeper than the surface; as I walked beside Mdlle. Reuter, my heart was still racing, and while I was lost in thought, the fire within me kept burning; then I spoke up:—

“I understand Mdlle. Henri is gone from hence, and will not return?”

“I understand that Mademoiselle Henri has left and won’t be coming back?”

“Ah, true! I meant to have named the subject to you some days ago, but my time is so completely taken up, I cannot do half the things I wish: have you never experienced what it is, monsieur, to find the day too short by twelve hours for your numerous duties?”

“Ah, true! I meant to mention the topic to you a few days ago, but my schedule is so packed that I can't get half of the things done that I want to: have you ever felt, monsieur, that the day is twelve hours too short for all your responsibilities?”

“Not often. Mdlle. Henri’s departure was not voluntary, I presume? If it had been, she would certainly have given me some intimation of it, being my pupil.”

“Not often. Miss Henri’s departure wasn’t voluntary, I assume? If it had been, she would definitely have given me a heads-up about it, since she was my student.”

“Oh, did she not tell you? that was strange; for my part, I never thought of adverting to the subject; when one has so many things to attend to, one is apt to forget little incidents that are not of primary importance.”

“Oh, didn’t she tell you? That’s odd; for me, I never thought to bring it up; when you have so many things to deal with, it’s easy to forget small details that aren’t that important.”

“You consider Mdlle. Henri’s dismission, then, as a very insignificant event?”

"You think Mdlle. Henri's dismissal is just a minor event, then?"

“Dismission? Ah! she was not dismissed; I can say with truth, monsieur, that since I became the head of this establishment no master or teacher has ever been dismissed from it.”

“Dismissed? Ah! she was not dismissed; I can honestly say, sir, that since I took charge of this place, no master or teacher has ever been dismissed from it.”

“Yet some have left it, mademoiselle?”

“Yet some have left it, miss?”

“Many; I have found it necessary to change frequently—a change of instructors is often beneficial to the interests of a school; it gives life and variety to the proceedings; it amuses the pupils, and suggests to the parents the idea of exertion and progress.”

“Many times, I’ve found it necessary to change instructors frequently—a change in teachers is often good for a school; it brings energy and variety to the activities; it keeps the students engaged and gives parents the impression of effort and progress.”

“Yet when you are tired of a professor or maîtresse, you scruple to dismiss them?”

“Yet when you're tired of a professor or teacher, you hesitate to let them go?”

“No need to have recourse to such extreme measures, I assure you. Allons, monsieur le professeur—asseyons-nous; je vais vous donner une petite leçon dans votre état d’instituteur.” (I wish I might write all she said to me in French—it loses sadly by being translated into English.) We had now reached the garden-chair; the directress sat down, and signed to me to sit by her, but I only rested my knee on the seat, and stood leaning my head and arm against the embowering branch of a huge laburnum, whose golden flowers, blent with the dusky green leaves of a lilac-bush, formed a mixed arch of shade and sunshine over the retreat. Mdlle. Reuter sat silent a moment; some novel movements were evidently working in her mind, and they showed their nature on her astute brow; she was meditating some chef d’oeuvre of policy. Convinced by several months’ experience that the affectation of virtues she did not possess was unavailing to ensnare me—aware that I had read her real nature, and would believe nothing of the character she gave out as being hers—she had determined, at last, to try a new key, and see if the lock of my heart would yield to that; a little audacity, a word of truth, a glimpse of the real. “Yes, I will try,” was her inward resolve; and then her blue eye glittered upon me—it did not flash—nothing of flame ever kindled in its temperate gleam.

“No need to go to such extreme lengths, I promise you. Come on, professor—let’s sit down; I'm going to give you a little lesson on your role as a teacher.” (I wish I could write everything she said to me in French—it really does lose something when translated to English.) We had now reached the garden chair; the director sat down and motioned for me to sit next to her, but I just rested my knee on the seat and leaned my head and arm against the sprawling branch of a large laburnum, whose golden flowers, mixed with the dark green leaves of a lilac bush, created a patchwork of shade and sunlight over our spot. Mdlle. Reuter was silent for a moment; some new thoughts were clearly brewing in her mind, and they showed on her sharp brow; she was pondering some kind of clever strategy. After several months of experience, she realized that pretending to have virtues she didn’t actually possess wouldn’t ensnare me—she knew I had seen her true nature and wouldn’t believe the façade she presented. Finally, she decided to try a different approach and see if my heart would open to that; a little boldness, a word of truth, a glimpse of the real her. “Yes, I will try,” was her inner resolve; and then her blue eye sparkled at me—it didn’t flash—there was nothing fiery about its calm shine.

“Monsieur fears to sit by me?” she inquired playfully.

“Are you afraid to sit next to me?” she asked playfully.

“I have no wish to usurp Pelet’s place,” I answered, for I had got the habit of speaking to her bluntly—a habit begun in anger, but continued because I saw that, instead of offending, it fascinated her. She cast down her eyes, and drooped her eyelids; she sighed uneasily; she turned with an anxious gesture, as if she would give me the idea of a bird that flutters in its cage, and would fain fly from its jail and jailer, and seek its natural mate and pleasant nest.

“I don’t want to take Pelet’s place,” I replied, since I had gotten into the habit of being straightforward with her—a habit that started in anger but continued because I noticed it intrigued her rather than offended her. She looked down, her eyelids drooping; she sighed restlessly; she turned anxiously, almost like a bird flapping around in its cage, wanting to escape from its prison and its captor, and to find its natural partner and cozy nest.

“Well—and your lesson?” I demanded briefly.

"Well—what about your lesson?" I asked flatly.

“Ah!” she exclaimed, recovering herself, “you are so young, so frank and fearless, so talented, so impatient of imbecility, so disdainful of vulgarity, you need a lesson; here it is then: far more is to be done in this world by dexterity than by strength; but, perhaps, you knew that before, for there is delicacy as well as power in your character—policy, as well as pride?”

“Ah!” she said, regaining her composure, “you are so young, so honest and bold, so talented, so intolerant of stupidity, so dismissive of crudeness, you need a lesson; here it is: much more can be achieved in this world through skill than through brute force; but maybe you already knew that, because there is finesse as well as strength in your character—strategy, as well as confidence?”

“Go on,” said I; and I could hardly help smiling, the flattery was so piquant, so finely seasoned. She caught the prohibited smile, though I passed my hand over my mouth to conceal it; and again she made room for me to sit beside her. I shook my head, though temptation penetrated to my senses at the moment, and once more I told her to go on.

“Go ahead,” I said, barely able to keep from smiling; the flattery was so sharp and well-crafted. She noticed my forbidden smile, even though I tried to cover it with my hand, and once again she made space for me to sit next to her. I shook my head, even though temptation was filling my senses at that moment, and again I urged her to continue.

“Well, then, if ever you are at the head of a large establishment, dismiss nobody. To speak truth, monsieur (and to you I will speak truth), I despise people who are always making rows, blustering, sending off one to the right, and another to the left, urging and hurrying circumstances. I’ll tell you what I like best to do, monsieur, shall I?” She looked up again; she had compounded her glance well this time—much archness, more deference, a spicy dash of coquetry, an unveiled consciousness of capacity. I nodded; she treated me like the great Mogul; so I became the great Mogul as far as she was concerned.

“Well, if you ever run a big organization, don’t fire anyone. To be honest, my friend (and I will be honest with you), I can’t stand people who always cause trouble, shouting, sending one person this way and another that way, pushing and rushing things. Let me tell you what I enjoy the most, my friend, shall I?” She looked up again; this time, her gaze was just right—full of mischief, more respect, a hint of flirtation, and a clear awareness of her own abilities. I nodded; she treated me like royalty; so I played along as if I were the great Mogul in her eyes.

“I like, monsieur, to take my knitting in my hands, and to sit quietly down in my chair; circumstances defile past me; I watch their march; so long as they follow the course I wish, I say nothing, and do nothing; I don’t clap my hands, and cry out ‘Bravo! How lucky I am!’ to attract the attention and envy of my neighbours—I am merely passive; but when events fall out ill—when circumstances become adverse—I watch very vigilantly; I knit on still, and still I hold my tongue; but every now and then, monsieur, I just put my toe out—so—and give the rebellious circumstance a little secret push, without noise, which sends it the way I wish, and I am successful after all, and nobody has seen my expedient. So, when teachers or masters become troublesome and inefficient—when, in short, the interests of the school would suffer from their retaining their places—I mind my knitting, events progress, circumstances glide past; I see one which, if pushed ever so little awry, will render untenable the post I wish to have vacated—the deed is done—the stumbling-block removed—and no one saw me: I have not made an enemy, I am rid of an incumbrance.”

“I like to take my knitting in my hands and sit quietly in my chair; events pass by me, and I watch them unfold. As long as they follow my preferred path, I stay silent and inactive. I don’t clap my hands and shout ‘Bravo! How lucky I am!’ to get the attention and envy of my neighbors—I’m just passive. But when things go wrong—when situations turn against me—I keep a close watch. I keep knitting and stay quiet, but now and then, I just stick out my toe—like this—and give the problem a little secret nudge, without any noise, which sets it on the path I want, and I succeed after all, and no one notices my trick. So, when teachers or supervisors become a nuisance and ineffective—when, in short, the school’s interests would suffer because they hold onto their positions—I focus on my knitting, events move along, and circumstances pass by. I spot one that, with just a slight push in the wrong direction, will make the position I want to be vacated untenable—it's done—the obstacle is removed—and no one saw me: I haven’t made an enemy, and I’m free of a burden.”

A moment since, and I thought her alluring; this speech concluded, I looked on her with distaste. “Just like you,” was my cold answer. “And in this way you have ousted Mdlle. Henri? You wanted her office, therefore you rendered it intolerable to her?”

A moment ago, I found her attractive; but after this speech, I looked at her with disgust. “Just like you,” was my cold reply. “So, you pushed Mdlle. Henri out of her position? You wanted her job, so you made it unbearable for her?”

“Not at all, monsieur, I was merely anxious about Mdlle. Henri’s health; no, your moral sight is clear and piercing, but there you have failed to discover the truth. I took—I have always taken a real interest in Mdlle. Henri’s welfare; I did not like her going out in all weathers; I thought it would be more advantageous for her to obtain a permanent situation; besides, I considered her now qualified to do something more than teach sewing. I reasoned with her; left the decision to herself; she saw the correctness of my views, and adopted them.”

"Not at all, sir, I was just worried about Mademoiselle Henri’s health; no, your judgment is sharp and insightful, but you’ve missed the real issue here. I took—I have always cared a lot about Mademoiselle Henri’s well-being; I didn’t like her going out in all kinds of weather; I thought it would be better for her to find a stable job; besides, I believed she was now capable of doing more than just teaching sewing. I talked it over with her; left the choice up to her; she understood my perspective and agreed with me."

“Excellent! and now, mademoiselle, you will have the goodness to give me her address.”

“Great! Now, miss, could you please share her address with me?”

“Her address!” and a sombre and stony change came over the mien of the directress. “Her address? Ah?—well—I wish I could oblige you, monsieur, but I cannot, and I will tell you why; whenever I myself asked her for her address, she always evaded the inquiry. I thought—I may be wrong—but I thought her motive for doing so, was a natural, though mistaken reluctance to introduce me to some, probably, very poor abode; her means were narrow, her origin obscure; she lives somewhere, doubtless, in the ‘basse ville.’”

“Her address!” A serious and cold change came over the directress's expression. “Her address? Oh?—well—I wish I could help you, sir, but I can’t, and here’s why: whenever I asked her for her address, she always dodged the question. I thought—I might be wrong—but I thought her reason for this was a natural, though misguided, reluctance to introduce me to what was probably a very poor place; her resources were limited, her background unclear; she definitely lives somewhere, most likely, in the ‘basse ville.’”

“I’ll not lose sight of my best pupil yet,” said I, “though she were born of beggars and lodged in a cellar; for the rest, it is absurd to make a bugbear of her origin to me—I happen to know that she was a Swiss pastor’s daughter, neither more nor less; and, as to her narrow means, I care nothing for the poverty of her purse so long as her heart overflows with affluence.”

“I won't lose sight of my best student yet,” I said, “even if she was born into a poor family and lived in a basement; beyond that, it’s ridiculous to make a big deal about her background to me—I happen to know that she was the daughter of a Swiss pastor, nothing more, nothing less; and regarding her limited finances, I don’t care about the emptiness of her wallet as long as her heart is full of generosity.”

“Your sentiments are perfectly noble, monsieur,” said the directress, affecting to suppress a yawn; her sprightliness was now extinct, her temporary candour shut up; the little, red-coloured, piratical-looking pennon of audacity she had allowed to float a minute in the air, was furled, and the broad, sober-hued flag of dissimulation again hung low over the citadel. I did not like her thus, so I cut short the tête-à-tête and departed.

“Your feelings are truly noble, sir,” said the director, pretentiously stifling a yawn; her liveliness had vanished, her momentary honesty was gone; the small, red, pirate-like flag of boldness she had briefly let wave in the air was pulled down, and the large, muted flag of deception once again hung low over the fortress. I didn't like her this way, so I ended the tête-à-tête and left.

CHAPTER XIX.

NOVELISTS should never allow themselves to weary of the study of real life. If they observed this duty conscientiously, they would give us fewer pictures chequered with vivid contrasts of light and shade; they would seldom elevate their heroes and heroines to the heights of rapture—still seldomer sink them to the depths of despair; for if we rarely taste the fulness of joy in this life, we yet more rarely savour the acrid bitterness of hopeless anguish; unless, indeed, we have plunged like beasts into sensual indulgence, abused, strained, stimulated, again overstrained, and, at last, destroyed our faculties for enjoyment; then, truly, we may find ourselves without support, robbed of hope. Our agony is great, and how can it end? We have broken the spring of our powers; life must be all suffering—too feeble to conceive faith—death must be darkness—God, spirits, religion can have no place in our collapsed minds, where linger only hideous and polluting recollections of vice; and time brings us on to the brink of the grave, and dissolution flings us in—a rag eaten through and through with disease, wrung together with pain, stamped into the churchyard sod by the inexorable heel of despair.

NOVELISTS should never get tired of studying real life. If they took this duty seriously, they would give us fewer stories filled with dramatic contrasts of light and shade; they would rarely lift their heroes and heroines to the heights of joy—still less often would they plunge them into deep despair; because if we rarely experience the fullness of happiness in this life, we even more rarely taste the sharp bitterness of hopeless suffering; unless, of course, we've sunk like animals into hedonistic excess, abused, strained, stimulated, overstrained again, and finally destroyed our ability to enjoy life; then, we might find ourselves without support, stripped of hope. Our pain is immense, and how can it end? We've broken our capacity for joy; life must be all suffering—too weak to hold onto faith—death becomes darkness—God, spirits, religion have no place in our shattered minds, which only hold on to horrific and degrading memories of wrong; and time leads us to the edge of the grave, and decay pushes us in—a tattered shell ravaged by illness, twisted together with pain, pressed into the churchyard soil by the relentless weight of despair.

But the man of regular life and rational mind never despairs. He loses his property—it is a blow—he staggers a moment; then, his energies, roused by the smart, are at work to seek a remedy; activity soon mitigates regret. Sickness affects him; he takes patience—endures what he cannot cure. Acute pain racks him; his writhing limbs know not where to find rest; he leans on Hope’s anchors. Death takes from him what he loves; roots up, and tears violently away the stem round which his affections were twined—a dark, dismal time, a frightful wrench—but some morning Religion looks into his desolate house with sunrise, and says, that in another world, another life, he shall meet his kindred again. She speaks of that world as a place unsullied by sin—of that life, as an era unembittered by suffering; she mightily strengthens her consolation by connecting with it two ideas—which mortals cannot comprehend, but on which they love to repose—Eternity, Immortality; and the mind of the mourner, being filled with an image, faint yet glorious, of heavenly hills all light and peace—of a spirit resting there in bliss—of a day when his spirit shall also alight there, free and disembodied—of a reunion perfected by love, purified from fear—he takes courage—goes out to encounter the necessities and discharge the duties of life; and, though sadness may never lift her burden from his mind, Hope will enable him to support it.

But the person with a steady life and rational mind never loses hope. He might lose his possessions—it hurts—he stumbles for a moment; then, his energy, triggered by the pain, kicks in to find a solution; staying active soon lessens his regret. When sickness hits him, he stays patient—enduring what he can’t fix. Sharp pain wracks his body; his aching limbs can’t find rest; he leans on Hope’s support. Death takes away what he loves; it uproots and violently tears apart the bond that held his affections—it's a dark, sorrowful time, a shocking loss—but one morning, religion brings light into his empty home with a new day, and tells him that in another world, another life, he’ll reunite with his loved ones. It speaks of that world as a place free from sin—of that life as a time untainted by suffering; it powerfully strengthens its comfort by tying in two ideas—which people can’t fully grasp, but find solace in—Eternity and Immortality; and the grieving person's mind fills with a distant yet beautiful image of heavenly hills filled with light and peace—of a spirit resting there in joy—of a day when his spirit will join there, free and unbound—of a perfect reunion through love, free from fear—he finds courage—steps out to face life's demands and fulfill his responsibilities; and, even if sadness never completely lifts her weight from his mind, Hope will help him bear it.

Well—and what suggested all this? and what is the inference to be drawn therefrom? What suggested it, is the circumstance of my best pupil—my treasure—being snatched from my hands, and put away out of my reach; the inference to be drawn from it is—that, being a steady, reasonable man, I did not allow the resentment, disappointment, and grief, engendered in my mind by this evil chance, to grow there to any monstrous size; nor did I allow them to monopolize the whole space of my heart; I pent them, on the contrary, in one strait and secret nook. In the daytime, too, when I was about my duties, I put them on the silent system; and it was only after I had closed the door of my chamber at night that I somewhat relaxed my severity towards these morose nurslings, and allowed vent to their language of murmurs; then, in revenge, they sat on my pillow, haunted my bed, and kept me awake with their long, midnight cry.

Well—and what brought all this on? And what's the takeaway from it? What brought it on is that my best student—my pride—was taken from me and put out of my reach; the takeaway from it is that, being a calm and rational person, I didn’t let the anger, disappointment, and sadness caused by this unfortunate situation overwhelm me; nor did I let them take over my entire heart; instead, I locked them away in a tight, hidden corner. During the day, while I was busy with my responsibilities, I kept them quiet; it was only after I closed the door to my room at night that I eased up on my strictness towards these gloomy feelings and let them express themselves; then, in retaliation, they filled my pillow, haunted my bed, and kept me awake with their long, midnight cries.

A week passed. I had said nothing more to Mdlle. Reuter. I had been calm in my demeanour to her, though stony cold and hard. When I looked at her, it was with the glance fitting to be bestowed on one who I knew had consulted jealousy as an adviser, and employed treachery as an instrument—the glance of quiet disdain and rooted distrust. On Saturday evening, ere I left the house, I stept into the salle-à-manger, where she was sitting alone, and, placing myself before her, I asked, with the same tranquil tone and manner that I should have used had I put the question for the first time—

A week went by. I hadn’t said anything more to Mdlle. Reuter. I had kept my composure around her, though I was stone-cold and tough. When I looked at her, it was with a gaze meant for someone I knew had turned to jealousy for guidance and used betrayal as a tool—the look of calm disdain and deep distrust. On Saturday evening, before leaving the house, I stepped into the salle-à-manger, where she was sitting alone, and, standing in front of her, I asked, with the same calm tone and demeanor I would have used if I were asking the question for the first time—

“Mademoiselle, will you have the goodness to give me the address of Frances Evans Henri?”

“Mademoiselle, could you please give me the address of Frances Evans Henri?”

A little surprised, but not disconcerted, she smilingly disclaimed any knowledge of that address, adding, “Monsieur has perhaps forgotten that I explained all about that circumstance before—a week ago?”

A little surprised but not thrown off, she smiled and said she didn’t know anything about that address, adding, “Maybe you forgot that I explained all about that situation a week ago?”

“Mademoiselle,” I continued, “you would greatly oblige me by directing me to that young person’s abode.”

“Mademoiselle,” I continued, “it would mean a lot to me if you could point me to that young person’s place.”

She seemed somewhat puzzled; and, at last, looking up with an admirably counterfeited air of naivete, she demanded, “Does Monsieur think I am telling an untruth?”

She looked a bit confused; and finally, glancing up with a perfectly feigned look of innocence, she asked, “Does Monsieur think I’m being untruthful?”

Still avoiding to give her a direct answer, I said, “It is not then your intention, mademoiselle, to oblige me in this particular?”

Still avoiding giving her a direct answer, I said, “So, it's not your intention, miss, to help me with this particular matter?”

“But, monsieur, how can I tell you what I do not know?”

"But, sir, how can I tell you what I don't know?"

“Very well; I understand you perfectly, mademoiselle, and now I have only two or three words to say. This is the last week in July; in another month the vacation will commence, have the goodness to avail yourself of the leisure it will afford you to look out for another English master—at the close of August, I shall be under the necessity of resigning my post in your establishment.”

“Alright; I understand you completely, miss, and now I just have a couple of things to say. This is the last week of July; in another month, vacation will begin. Please take the opportunity during your free time to look for another English teacher—by the end of August, I will have to resign from my position at your school.”

I did not wait for her comments on this announcement, but bowed and immediately withdrew.

I didn't wait for her to respond to this announcement, but bowed and quickly left.

That same evening, soon after dinner, a servant brought me a small packet; it was directed in a hand I knew, but had not hoped so soon to see again; being in my own apartment and alone, there was nothing to prevent my immediately opening it; it contained four five-franc pieces, and a note in English.

That same evening, right after dinner, a servant brought me a small package; it was addressed in a handwriting I recognized but hadn't expected to see again so soon. Since I was in my own room and alone, nothing stopped me from opening it right away; it contained four five-franc coins and a note in English.

“MONSIEUR,

“MISTER,

“I came to Mdlle. Reuter’s house yesterday, at the time when I knew you would be just about finishing your lesson, and I asked if I might go into the schoolroom and speak to you. Mdlle. Reuter came out and said you were already gone; it had not yet struck four, so I thought she must be mistaken, but concluded it would be vain to call another day on the same errand. In one sense a note will do as well—it will wrap up the 20 francs, the price of the lessons I have received from you; and if it will not fully express the thanks I owe you in addition—if it will not bid you good-bye as I could wish to have done—if it will not tell you, as I long to do, how sorry I am that I shall probably never see you more—why, spoken words would hardly be more adequate to the task. Had I seen you, I should probably have stammered out something feeble and unsatisfactory—something belying my feelings rather than explaining them; so it is perhaps as well that I was denied admission to your presence. You often remarked, monsieur, that my devoirs dwelt a great deal on fortitude in bearing grief—you said I introduced that theme too often: I find indeed that it is much easier to write about a severe duty than to perform it, for I am oppressed when I see and feel to what a reverse fate has condemned me; you were kind to me, monsieur—very kind; I am afflicted—I am heart-broken to be quite separated from you; soon I shall have no friend on earth. But it is useless troubling you with my distresses. What claim have I on your sympathy? None; I will then say no more.

“I visited Mdlle. Reuter’s house yesterday, right around the time I thought you would be finishing your lesson, and I asked if I could go into the schoolroom to talk to you. Mdlle. Reuter came out and said you had already left; it wasn’t yet four, so I thought she must be wrong, but I figured it would be pointless to come back another day for the same reason. In a way, a note will work just as well—it will include the 20 francs for the lessons I’ve had with you; and while it might not fully convey the gratitude I owe you or say goodbye the way I wish I could, or even express how sorry I am that I will probably never see you again—well, spoken words couldn’t do the job any better. If I had seen you, I probably would have stumbled through something weak and unsatisfactory—something that doesn’t really capture my feelings instead of explaining them; so maybe it’s for the best that I wasn’t allowed to see you. You often pointed out, monsieur, that my essays focused a lot on the strength needed to endure grief—you said I mentioned that theme too often: I realize that it’s much easier to write about a heavy responsibility than to actually carry it out, as I feel crushed when I see how drastically fate has changed my life; you were kind to me, monsieur—very kind; I am deeply saddened—I’m heartbroken to be completely separated from you; soon I won’t have any friends left on this earth. But it’s pointless to bother you with my troubles. What right do I have to your sympathy? None; so I won’t say anything more.”

“Farewell, Monsieur.

"Goodbye, Sir."

“F. E. HENRI.”

“F. E. HENRI.”

I put up the note in my pocket-book. I slipped the five-franc pieces into my purse—then I took a turn through my narrow chamber.

I placed the note in my wallet. I put the five-franc coins into my purse—then I walked around my small room.

“Mdlle. Reuter talked about her poverty,” said I, “and she is poor; yet she pays her debts and more. I have not yet given her a quarter’s lessons, and she has sent me a quarter’s due. I wonder of what she deprived herself to scrape together the twenty francs—I wonder what sort of a place she has to live in, and what sort of a woman her aunt is, and whether she is likely to get employment to supply the place she has lost. No doubt she will have to trudge about long enough from school to school, to inquire here, and apply there—be rejected in this place, disappointed in that. Many an evening she’ll go to her bed tired and unsuccessful. And the directress would not let her in to bid me good-bye? I might not have the chance of standing with her for a few minutes at a window in the schoolroom and exchanging some half-dozen of sentences—getting to know where she lived—putting matters in train for having all things arranged to my mind? No address on the note”—I continued, drawing it again from the pocket-book and examining it on each side of the two leaves: “women are women, that is certain, and always do business like women; men mechanically put a date and address to their communications. And these five-franc pieces?”—(I hauled them forth from my purse)—“if she had offered me them herself instead of tying them up with a thread of green silk in a kind of Lilliputian packet, I could have thrust them back into her little hand, and shut up the small, taper fingers over them—so—and compelled her shame, her pride, her shyness, all to yield to a little bit of determined Will—now where is she? How can I get at her?”

“Mdlle. Reuter talked about her poverty,” I said, “and she is struggling; yet she pays her debts and more. I haven't even given her a quarter’s worth of lessons, and she has already sent me the payment for it. I wonder what she denied herself to gather the twenty francs—I wonder what kind of place she lives in, what her aunt is like, and whether she'll find a job to replace the one she lost. No doubt, she’ll have to walk around from school to school, asking here and applying there—getting rejected in some places, disappointed in others. Many evenings, she must go to bed feeling tired and unsuccessful. And the director wouldn’t let her come in to say goodbye? I might not even have the chance to stand with her by the window in the classroom and exchange a few sentences—finding out where she lives—setting things up the way I want? No address on the note”—I continued, pulling it back out of my wallet and examining it on both sides of the two pages: “women are women, that’s for sure, and always handle things in a feminine way; men simply add a date and address to their communications. And these five-franc coins?”—(I took them out of my purse)—“if she had offered them to me herself instead of tying them with a thread of green silk in a tiny packet, I could have pushed them back into her little hand, closing her small, delicate fingers over them—like that—and forced her shame, her pride, her shyness, all to submit to a bit of determined Will—now where is she? How can I reach her?”

Opening my chamber door I walked down into the kitchen.

Opening my bedroom door, I walked down to the kitchen.

“Who brought the packet?” I asked of the servant who had delivered it to me.

“Who delivered the package?” I asked the servant who had brought it to me.

“Un petit commissionaire, monsieur.”

"A little messenger, sir."

“Did he say anything?”

“Did he say something?”

“Rien.”

"Nothing."

And I wended my way up the back-stairs, wondrously the wiser for my inquiries.

And I made my way up the back stairs, feeling surprisingly enlightened from my questions.

“No matter,” said I to myself, as I again closed the door. “No matter—I’ll seek her through Brussels.”

“No worries,” I said to myself, as I closed the door again. “No worries—I’ll find her in Brussels.”

And I did. I sought her day by day whenever I had a moment’s leisure, for four weeks; I sought her on Sundays all day long; I sought her on the Boulevards, in the Allée Verte, in the Park; I sought her in Ste. Gudule and St. Jacques; I sought her in the two Protestant chapels; I attended these latter at the German, French, and English services, not doubting that I should meet her at one of them. All my researches were absolutely fruitless; my security on the last point was proved by the event to be equally groundless with my other calculations. I stood at the door of each chapel after the service, and waited till every individual had come out, scrutinizing every gown draping a slender form, peering under every bonnet covering a young head. In vain; I saw girlish figures pass me, drawing their black scarfs over their sloping shoulders, but none of them had the exact turn and air of Mdlle. Henri’s; I saw pale and thoughtful faces “encadrees” in bands of brown hair, but I never found her forehead, her eyes, her eyebrows. All the features of all the faces I met seemed frittered away, because my eye failed to recognize the peculiarities it was bent upon; an ample space of brow and a large, dark, and serious eye, with a fine but decided line of eyebrow traced above.

And I did. I looked for her every day whenever I had a moment to spare for four weeks; I searched for her all day on Sundays; I looked for her on the Boulevards, in the Allée Verte, in the Park; I searched for her in Ste. Gudule and St. Jacques; I looked for her in the two Protestant chapels; I attended services in German, French, and English, convinced that I would meet her at one of them. All my efforts were completely fruitless; my confidence about this was proven to be just as unfounded as my other assumptions. I stood at the door of each chapel after the service, waiting for everyone to come out, examining every dress on a slender figure, peering under every bonnet covering a young head. It was useless; I saw young women pass by me, pulling their black scarves over their shoulders, but none of them had the same look and presence as Mdlle. Henri; I saw pale, thoughtful faces framed by bands of brown hair, but I never found her forehead, her eyes, her eyebrows. All the features of all the faces I encountered seemed blurred, because my eye couldn't recognize the details it was focused on—a wide brow and a large, dark, serious eye, with a fine but definite line of eyebrow drawn above.

“She has probably left Brussels—perhaps is gone to England, as she said she would,” muttered I inwardly, as on the afternoon of the fourth Sunday, I turned from the door of the chapel-royal which the door-keeper had just closed and locked, and followed in the wake of the last of the congregation, now dispersed and dispersing over the square. I had soon outwalked the couples of English gentlemen and ladies. (Gracious goodness! why don’t they dress better? My eye is yet filled with visions of the high-flounced, slovenly, and tumbled dresses in costly silk and satin, of the large unbecoming collars in expensive lace; of the ill-cut coats and strangely fashioned pantaloons which every Sunday, at the English service, filled the choirs of the chapel-royal, and after it, issuing forth into the square, came into disadvantageous contrast with freshly and trimly attired foreign figures, hastening to attend salut at the church of Coburg.) I had passed these pairs of Britons, and the groups of pretty British children, and the British footmen and waiting-maids; I had crossed the Place Royale, and got into the Rue Royale, thence I had diverged into the Rue de Louvain—an old and quiet street. I remember that, feeling a little hungry, and not desiring to go back and take my share of the “goûter,” now on the refectory-table at Pelet’s—to wit, pistolets and water—I stepped into a baker’s and refreshed myself on a couc (?)—it is a Flemish word, I don’t know how to spell it—à Corinthe—Anglice, a currant bun—and a cup of coffee; and then I strolled on towards the Porte de Louvain. Very soon I was out of the city, and slowly mounting the hill, which ascends from the gate, I took my time; for the afternoon, though cloudy, was very sultry, and not a breeze stirred to refresh the atmosphere. No inhabitant of Brussels need wander far to search for solitude; let him but move half a league from his own city and he will find her brooding still and blank over the wide fields, so drear though so fertile, spread out treeless and trackless round the capital of Brabant. Having gained the summit of the hill, and having stood and looked long over the cultured but lifeless campaign, I felt a wish to quit the high road, which I had hitherto followed, and get in among those tilled grounds—fertile as the beds of a Brobdignagian kitchen-garden—spreading far and wide even to the boundaries of the horizon, where, from a dusk green, distance changed them to a sullen blue, and confused their tints with those of the livid and thunderous-looking sky. Accordingly I turned up a by-path to the right; I had not followed it far ere it brought me, as I expected, into the fields, amidst which, just before me, stretched a long and lofty white wall enclosing, as it seemed from the foliage showing above, some thickly planted nursery of yew and cypress, for of that species were the branches resting on the pale parapets, and crowding gloomily about a massive cross, planted doubtless on a central eminence and extending its arms, which seemed of black marble, over the summits of those sinister trees. I approached, wondering to what house this well-protected garden appertained; I turned the angle of the wall, thinking to see some stately residence; I was close upon great iron gates; there was a hut serving for a lodge near, but I had no occasion to apply for the key—the gates were open; I pushed one leaf back—rain had rusted its hinges, for it groaned dolefully as they revolved. Thick planting embowered the entrance. Passing up the avenue, I saw objects on each hand which, in their own mute language of inscription and sign, explained clearly to what abode I had made my way. This was the house appointed for all living; crosses, monuments, and garlands of everlastings announced, “The Protestant Cemetery, outside the gate of Louvain.”

“She has probably left Brussels—maybe she’s gone to England, like she said she would,” I thought to myself as, on the afternoon of the fourth Sunday, I turned away from the door of the royal chapel that the attendant had just closed and locked, and followed the last of the congregation, now leaving the square. I quickly outpaced the pairs of English gentlemen and ladies. (Good grief! Why don’t they dress better? My mind is still filled with images of the high-flounced, messy, and wrinkled dresses in expensive silk and satin, the large awkward collars made of costly lace, and the poorly cut coats and oddly shaped trousers that filled the choirs of the royal chapel every Sunday, which then stepped out into the square, making a poor impression next to the freshly dressed foreign figures heading to attend the service at the church of Coburg.) I passed these British couples, groups of pretty British children, and British footmen and maids; I crossed the Place Royale and entered Rue Royale, then turned into Rue de Louvain—a quiet, old street. I remember feeling a bit hungry and not wanting to go back for my share of the “goûter,” which was now on the refectory table at Pelet’s—specifically, pistolets and water—so I stopped at a bakery and treated myself to a couc (?)—it's a Flemish word, I'm not sure how to spell it—à Corinthe—Anglice, a currant bun—and a cup of coffee; then I continued on toward the Porte de Louvain. Before long, I was out of the city and slowly climbing the hill that rises from the gate, taking my time; for the afternoon, though cloudy, was very muggy, and not a breeze stirred to refresh the air. You don’t need to wander far in Brussels to find solitude; just step half a league from the city and you’ll find her quietly hovering over the wide fields, so bleak yet so fertile, stretching endlessly around the capital of Brabant. Once I reached the top of the hill and stood looking out over the cultivated but lifeless countryside, I felt a desire to leave the main road I had been following and explore the farms—fertile like the beds of a giant kitchen garden—spreading far and wide to the horizon, where the dim green faded into a dull blue, blending with the threatening sky above. So I turned onto a side path to the right; I hadn’t gone far before I entered the fields, and just ahead of me was a long, tall white wall enclosing, as suggested by the foliage peeking over, a dense nursery of yew and cypress—those branches were draped over the pale stone walls, clustering darkly around a massive cross, undoubtedly planted on a raised area, its arms seeming like black marble spreading over the tops of the sinister trees. I approached, curious about which house this well-guarded garden belonged to; I turned the corner of the wall, expecting to see a grand residence; I was close to some large iron gates; there was a small hut serving as a lodge nearby, but I didn’t need to ask for a key—the gates were open; I pushed one leaf back—rain had rusted its hinges, causing it to creak sadly as it swung. Dense plantings shaded the entrance. As I walked up the path, I saw objects on either side that, in their silent language of inscriptions and signs, clearly indicated to which place I had arrived. This was the house for all living; crosses, monuments, and garlands of everlasting flowers announced, “The Protestant Cemetery, outside the gate of Louvain.”

The place was large enough to afford half an hour’s strolling without the monotony of treading continually the same path; and, for those who love to peruse the annals of graveyards, here was variety of inscription enough to occupy the attention for double or treble that space of time. Hither people of many kindreds, tongues, and nations, had brought their dead for interment; and here, on pages of stone, of marble, and of brass, were written names, dates, last tributes of pomp or love, in English, in French, in German, and Latin. Here the Englishman had erected a marble monument over the remains of his Mary Smith or Jane Brown, and inscribed it only with her name. There the French widower had shaded the grave of his Elmire or Celestine with a brilliant thicket of roses, amidst which a little tablet rising, bore an equally bright testimony to her countless virtues. Every nation, tribe, and kindred, mourned after its own fashion; and how soundless was the mourning of all! My own tread, though slow and upon smooth-rolled paths, seemed to startle, because it formed the sole break to a silence otherwise total. Not only the winds, but the very fitful, wandering airs, were that afternoon, as by common consent, all fallen asleep in their various quarters; the north was hushed, the south silent, the east sobbed not, nor did the west whisper. The clouds in heaven were condensed and dull, but apparently quite motionless. Under the trees of this cemetery nestled a warm breathless gloom, out of which the cypresses stood up straight and mute, above which the willows hung low and still; where the flowers, as languid as fair, waited listless for night dew or thunder-shower; where the tombs, and those they hid, lay impassible to sun or shadow, to rain or drought.

The place was spacious enough for half an hour of walking without the boredom of retracing the same path repeatedly; and for those who enjoy exploring the stories of graveyards, there was plenty of variety in inscriptions to keep someone occupied for twice or three times that long. People from many backgrounds, languages, and nations had brought their deceased here for burial; and here, on stones, marble, and brass, names, dates, and final tributes of respect or love were recorded in English, French, German, and Latin. Here, an Englishman had built a marble monument over the remains of his Mary Smith or Jane Brown, inscribed only with her name. There, a French widower had decorated the grave of his Elmire or Celestine with a vibrant thicket of roses, amidst which a small tablet stood, bright in its declaration of her many virtues. Every nation, tribe, and clan grieved in its own way; and how silent was the grief of all! My own footsteps, though slow and on smooth paths, seemed to disrupt the silence, as they were the only break in an otherwise complete quiet. Not only the winds, but even the wandering breezes seemed to have fallen asleep that afternoon; the north was still, the south was quiet, the east didn’t sigh, nor did the west whisper. The clouds in the sky were thick and dull, but apparently completely still. Beneath the trees of this cemetery lay a warm, breathless gloom, from which the cypresses stood tall and silent, while the willows drooped low and still; where the flowers, as languid as beautiful, waited lifelessly for night dew or a thunderstorm; where the tombs and their hidden occupants remained untouched by sun or shadow, rain or drought.

Importuned by the sound of my own footsteps, I turned off upon the turf, and slowly advanced to a grove of yews; I saw something stir among the stems; I thought it might be a broken branch swinging, my short-sighted vision had caught no form, only a sense of motion; but the dusky shade passed on, appearing and disappearing at the openings in the avenue. I soon discerned it was a living thing, and a human thing; and, drawing nearer, I perceived it was a woman, pacing slowly to and fro, and evidently deeming herself alone as I had deemed myself alone, and meditating as I had been meditating. Ere long she returned to a seat which I fancy she had but just quitted, or I should have caught sight of her before. It was in a nook, screened by a clump of trees; there was the white wall before her, and a little stone set up against the wall, and, at the foot of the stone, was an allotment of turf freshly turned up, a new-made grave. I put on my spectacles, and passed softly close behind her; glancing at the inscription on the stone, I read, “Julienne Henri, died at Brussels, aged sixty. August 10th, 18—.” Having perused the inscription, I looked down at the form sitting bent and thoughtful just under my eyes, unconscious of the vicinity of any living thing; it was a slim, youthful figure in mourning apparel of the plainest black stuff, with a little simple, black crape bonnet; I felt, as well as saw, who it was; and, moving neither hand nor foot, I stood some moments enjoying the security of conviction. I had sought her for a month, and had never discovered one of her traces—never met a hope, or seized a chance of encountering her anywhere. I had been forced to loosen my grasp on expectation; and, but an hour ago, had sunk slackly under the discouraging thought that the current of life, and the impulse of destiny, had swept her for ever from my reach; and, behold, while bending suddenly earthward beneath the pressure of despondency—while following with my eyes the track of sorrow on the turf of a graveyard—here was my lost jewel dropped on the tear-fed herbage, nestling in the messy and mouldy roots of yew-trees.

Hounded by the sound of my own footsteps, I stepped off onto the grass and slowly made my way to a grove of yews. I noticed something moving among the trunks; at first, I thought it was just a broken branch swaying, as my poor eyesight didn’t catch any clear shape, only a sense of movement. But the dark shadow moved on, appearing and disappearing at the openings in the path. Soon, I realized it was a living being, a human. As I got closer, I saw it was a woman, slowly pacing back and forth, clearly thinking she was alone just as I had thought I was, lost in her own thoughts. Before long, she returned to a seat that I believed she had just left, or I would have spotted her sooner. It was in a secluded spot, hidden by a cluster of trees; she was facing a white wall, with a small stone set against it, and at the base of the stone was a patch of freshly turned earth—a new grave. I put on my glasses and quietly walked close behind her. Glancing at the inscription on the stone, I read, “Julienne Henri, died in Brussels, aged sixty. August 10th, 18—.” After reading the inscription, I looked down at the figure sitting there, hunched and deep in thought, completely unaware of my presence. It was a slim, young woman dressed in the simplest black mourning clothes, wearing a plain black crape bonnet. I recognized her without a doubt, and standing there without moving a muscle, I took a moment to savor the certainty. I had been searching for her for a month and had never found a trace—never a glimmer of hope or a chance to encounter her anywhere. I had been forced to let go of my expectations, and just an hour before, I had resigned myself to the discouraging thought that the current of life and the push of fate had swept her forever out of my reach. And here I was, bending down under the weight of despair—eyeing the evidence of sorrow on the grass in the graveyard—when I found my lost treasure resting on the sorrow-soaked ground, nestled among the tangled, decayed roots of the yew trees.

Frances sat very quiet, her elbow on her knee, and her head on her hand. I knew she could retain a thinking attitude a long time without change; at last, a tear fell; she had been looking at the name on the stone before her, and her heart had no doubt endured one of those constrictions with which the desolate living, regretting the dead, are, at times, so sorely oppressed. Many tears rolled down, which she wiped away, again and again, with her handkerchief; some distressed sobs escaped her, and then, the paroxysm over, she sat quiet as before. I put my hand gently on her shoulder; no need further to prepare her, for she was neither hysterical nor liable to fainting-fits; a sudden push, indeed, might have startled her, but the contact of my quiet touch merely woke attention as I wished; and, though she turned quickly, yet so lightning-swift is thought—in some minds especially—I believe the wonder of what—the consciousness of who it was that thus stole unawares on her solitude, had passed through her brain, and flashed into her heart, even before she had effected that hasty movement; at least, Amazement had hardly opened her eyes and raised them to mine, ere Recognition informed their irids with most speaking brightness. Nervous surprise had hardly discomposed her features ere a sentiment of most vivid joy shone clear and warm on her whole countenance. I had hardly time to observe that she was wasted and pale, ere called to feel a responsive inward pleasure by the sense of most full and exquisite pleasure glowing in the animated flush, and shining in the expansive light, now diffused over my pupil’s face. It was the summer sun flashing out after the heavy summer shower; and what fertilizes more rapidly than that beam, burning almost like fire in its ardour?

Frances sat quietly, her elbow on her knee and her head resting on her hand. I knew she could maintain a thoughtful expression for a long time without changing; finally, a tear fell. She had been staring at the name on the stone in front of her, and her heart had undoubtedly felt one of those tight squeezes that the grieving sometimes experience when missing those who have passed away. Many tears rolled down her cheeks, which she wiped away repeatedly with her handkerchief. Distressed sobs escaped her, and once the intensity passed, she sat as quietly as before. I placed my hand gently on her shoulder; there was no need to prepare her further, as she was neither hysterical nor likely to faint. A sudden jolt might have startled her, but my soft touch merely drew her attention as intended. Although she turned quickly, thoughts can travel fast—especially in certain minds—and I believe the surprise of who had intruded upon her solitude had crossed her mind and touched her heart even before her swift movement. At least, astonishment had barely opened her eyes and raised them to meet mine when recognition lit them up with a bright spark. The initial nervous shock barely altered her expression before a deep joy spread across her entire face. I barely had time to notice how thin and pale she looked before I felt a matching inner pleasure from the exquisite joy radiating from her flushed cheeks. It was like the summer sun breaking through after a heavy rain, and what brings life back more quickly than that beam, burning almost like fire in its intensity?

I hate boldness—that boldness which is of the brassy brow and insensate nerves; but I love the courage of the strong heart, the fervour of the generous blood; I loved with passion the light of Frances Evans’ clear hazel eye when it did not fear to look straight into mine; I loved the tones with which she uttered the words—

I hate arrogance— that arrogance that comes from a hard, unfeeling attitude; but I love the bravery of a strong heart, the warmth of kind spirit; I passionately admired the spark in Frances Evans’ clear hazel eye when it wasn't afraid to meet my gaze; I loved the way she spoke the words—

“Mon maître! mon maître!”

"Master! Master!"

I loved the movement with which she confided her hand to my hand; I loved her as she stood there, penniless and parentless; for a sensualist charmless, for me a treasure—my best object of sympathy on earth, thinking such thoughts as I thought, feeling such feelings as I felt; my ideal of the shrine in which to seal my stores of love; personification of discretion and forethought, of diligence and perseverance, of self-denial and self-control—those guardians, those trusty keepers of the gift I longed to confer on her—the gift of all my affections; model of truth and honour, of independence and conscientiousness—those refiners and sustainers of an honest life; silent possessor of a well of tenderness, of a flame, as genial as still, as pure as quenchless, of natural feeling, natural passion—those sources of refreshment and comfort to the sanctuary of home. I knew how quietly and how deeply the well bubbled in her heart; I knew how the more dangerous flame burned safely under the eye of reason; I had seen when the fire shot up a moment high and vivid, when the accelerated heat troubled life’s current in its channels; I had seen reason reduce the rebel, and humble its blaze to embers. I had confidence in Frances Evans; I had respect for her, and as I drew her arm through mine, and led her out of the cemetery, I felt I had another sentiment, as strong as confidence, as firm as respect, more fervid than either—that of love.

I loved the way she placed her hand in mine; I loved her for standing there, without money or family; for someone who seemed lacking in charm, she was a treasure to me—my best source of sympathy in the world, sharing the same thoughts and feelings as I did; my ideal place to invest my love; a representation of discretion and foresight, hard work and determination, self-denial and self-control—those protectors, those trustworthy guardians of the gift I wanted to give her—the gift of all my affection; a model of truth and honor, independence and integrity—those qualities that refine and support an honest life; a quiet keeper of a well of tenderness, a flame that was warm yet calm, as pure as it was unquenchable, of natural feelings and passions—those sources of refreshment and comfort in a home. I understood how quietly and deeply that well bubbled in her heart; I knew how the more dangerous flame burned safely under the watch of reason; I had seen when the fire would flare up briefly and intensely, disturbing the natural flow of life; I had witnessed reason tame the rebel, reducing its blaze to embers. I had confidence in Frances Evans; I respected her, and as I linked her arm with mine and led her out of the cemetery, I felt another emotion, as strong as confidence, as steady as respect, and more passionate than either—that of love.

“Well, my pupil,” said I, as the ominous sounding gate swung to behind us—“Well, I have found you again: a month’s search has seemed long, and I little thought to have discovered my lost sheep straying amongst graves.”

“Well, my student,” I said, as the eerie-sounding gate closed behind us—“Well, I’ve found you again: a month’s search felt long, and I never expected to find my lost sheep wandering among gravestones.”

Never had I addressed her but as “Mademoiselle” before, and to speak thus was to take up a tone new to both her and me. Her answer suprised me that this language ruffled none of her feelings, woke no discord in her heart:

Never had I called her anything but “Mademoiselle” before, and to speak this way felt unfamiliar to both her and me. Her response surprised me, as this language didn't disturb her feelings or stir any conflict in her heart:

“Mon maître,” she said, “have you troubled yourself to seek me? I little imagined you would think much of my absence, but I grieved bitterly to be taken away from you. I was sorry for that circumstance when heavier troubles ought to have made me forget it.”

“Master,” she said, “did you actually come looking for me? I never thought you’d care much about my absence, but I felt really sad to be taken away from you. I regretted that situation when bigger troubles should have made me forget it.”

“Your aunt is dead?”

"Your aunt passed away?"

“Yes, a fortnight since, and she died full of regret, which I could not chase from her mind; she kept repeating, even during the last night of her existence, ‘Frances, you will be so lonely when I am gone, so friendless:’ she wished too that she could have been buried in Switzerland, and it was I who persuaded her in her old age to leave the banks of Lake Leman, and to come, only as it seems to die, in this flat region of Flanders. Willingly would I have observed her last wish, and taken her remains back to our own country, but that was impossible; I was forced to lay her here.”

“Yes, it’s been two weeks since she passed away, filled with regret that I couldn’t ease; she kept saying, even during her last night, ‘Frances, you’ll be so lonely when I’m gone, so friendless.’ She also wished she could have been buried in Switzerland, and it was I who convinced her in her old age to leave the shores of Lake Leman and come, it seems only to die, in this flat area of Flanders. I would have gladly fulfilled her last wish and brought her remains back to our homeland, but that wasn’t possible; I had to lay her to rest here.”

“She was ill but a short time, I presume?”

“She was sick for just a short time, I assume?”

“But three weeks. When she began to sink I asked Mdlle. Reuter’s leave to stay with her and wait on her; I readily got leave.”

“But three weeks. When she started to decline, I asked Mdlle. Reuter for permission to stay with her and care for her; I easily got permission.”

“Do you return to the pensionnat!” I demanded hastily.

“Are you going back to the boarding school?” I asked quickly.

“Monsieur, when I had been at home a week Mdlle. Reuter called one evening, just after I had got my aunt to bed; she went into her room to speak to her, and was extremely civil and affable, as she always is; afterwards she came and sat with me a long time, and just as she rose to go away, she said: “Mademoiselle, I shall not soon cease to regret your departure from my establishment, though indeed it is true that you have taught your class of pupils so well that they are all quite accomplished in the little works you manage so skilfully, and have not the slightest need of further instruction; my second teacher must in future supply your place, with regard to the younger pupils, as well as she can, though she is indeed an inferior artiste to you, and doubtless it will be your part now to assume a higher position in your calling; I am sure you will everywhere find schools and families willing to profit by your talents.’ And then she paid me my last quarter’s salary. I asked, as mademoiselle would no doubt think, very bluntly, if she designed to discharge me from the establishment. She smiled at my inelegance of speech, and answered that ‘our connection as employer and employed was certainly dissolved, but that she hoped still to retain the pleasure of my acquaintance; she should always be happy to see me as a friend;’ and then she said something about the excellent condition of the streets, and the long continuance of fine weather, and went away quite cheerful.”

“Sir, a week after I returned home, Mademoiselle Reuter came by one evening, just after I had put my aunt to bed. She entered her room to chat with her and was extremely polite and friendly, as she always is. Afterwards, she sat with me for quite a while, and just as she was getting up to leave, she said: 'Mademoiselle, I will soon miss your presence in my establishment, though it is true that you have taught your class so well that they are all quite skilled in the little tasks you handle so expertly, and they don’t need any more instruction. My second teacher will now take over for you with the younger pupils as best she can, although she is definitely not as talented as you. You will now likely take on a higher role in your field; I’m sure you will find schools and families eager to benefit from your abilities.' Then she gave me my last quarter’s salary. I asked, as Mademoiselle would probably think, very bluntly, if she intended to let me go from the establishment. She smiled at my lack of finesse in wording and said that 'our relationship as employer and employee was certainly over, but she hoped to keep our friendship; she would always be glad to see me as a friend.' Then she mentioned something about the excellent condition of the streets and the ongoing nice weather and left quite cheerfully.”

I laughed inwardly; all this was so like the directress—so like what I had expected and guessed of her conduct; and then the exposure and proof of her lie, unconsciously afforded by Frances:—“She had frequently applied for Mdlle. Henri’s address,” forsooth; “Mdlle. Henri had always evaded giving it,” &c., &c., and here I found her a visitor at the very house of whose locality she had professed absolute ignorance!

I laughed to myself; this was so typical of the directress—exactly what I had expected from her behavior. Then there was the exposure and proof of her lie, which Frances inadvertently provided: “She had often asked for Mdlle. Henri’s address,” indeed; “Mdlle. Henri had always avoided giving it,” and so on, and here I found her visiting the very house she claimed to know nothing about!

Any comments I might have intended to make on my pupil’s communication, were checked by the plashing of large rain-drops on our faces and on the path, and by the muttering of a distant but coming storm. The warning obvious in stagnant air and leaden sky had already induced me to take the road leading back to Brussels, and now I hastened my own steps and those of my companion, and, as our way lay downhill, we got on rapidly. There was an interval after the fall of the first broad drops before heavy rain came on; in the meantime we had passed through the Porte de Louvain, and were again in the city.

Any comments I might have wanted to make about my pupil’s communication were interrupted by large raindrops splashing on our faces and the path, along with the rumble of a distant storm approaching. The still air and gray sky had already made me decide to take the road back to Brussels, and now I quickened my pace and my companion’s as well. Since our route was downhill, we moved quickly. There was a brief moment after the first big drops fell before the heavy rain started; in the meantime, we had passed through the Porte de Louvain and were back in the city.

“Where do you live?” I asked; “I will see you safe home.”

“Where do you live?” I asked. “I’ll make sure you get home safely.”

“Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges,” answered Frances.

“Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges,” Frances replied.

It was not far from the Rue de Louvain, and we stood on the doorsteps of the house we sought ere the clouds, severing with loud peal and shattered cataract of lightning, emptied their livid folds in a torrent, heavy, prone, and broad.

It was not far from Rue de Louvain, and we stood on the doorstep of the house we were looking for just before the clouds, breaking apart with loud thunder and flashes of lightning, poured their dark contents in a heavy, downpouring torrent.

“Come in! come in!” said Frances, as, after putting her into the house, I paused ere I followed: the word decided me; I stepped across the threshold, shut the door on the rushing, flashing, whitening storm, and followed her upstairs to her apartments. Neither she nor I were wet; a projection over the door had warded off the straight-descending flood; none but the first, large drops had touched our garments; one minute more and we should not have had a dry thread on us.

“Come in! Come in!” said Frances, as I paused before following her into the house. Her words made up my mind; I stepped inside, closed the door against the rushing, flashing, swirling storm, and followed her upstairs to her rooms. Neither of us was wet; an overhang above the door had kept the rain from soaking us; only the first, big drops had hit our clothes; another minute and we wouldn’t have had a dry thread on us.

Stepping over a little mat of green wool, I found myself in a small room with a painted floor and a square of green carpet in the middle; the articles of furniture were few, but all bright and exquisitely clean; order reigned through its narrow limits—such order as it soothed my punctilious soul to behold. And I had hesitated to enter the abode, because I apprehended after all that Mdlle. Reuter’s hint about its extreme poverty might be too well-founded, and I feared to embarrass the lace-mender by entering her lodgings unawares! Poor the place might be; poor truly it was; but its neatness was better than elegance, and had but a bright little fire shone on that clean hearth, I should have deemed it more attractive than a palace. No fire was there, however, and no fuel laid ready to light; the lace-mender was unable to allow herself that indulgence, especially now when, deprived by death of her sole relative, she had only her own unaided exertions to rely on. Frances went into an inner room to take off her bonnet, and she came out a model of frugal neatness, with her well-fitting black stuff dress, so accurately defining her elegant bust and taper waist, with her spotless white collar turned back from a fair and shapely neck, with her plenteous brown hair arranged in smooth bands on her temples, and in a large Grecian plait behind: ornaments she had none—neither brooch, ring, nor ribbon; she did well enough without them—perfection of fit, proportion of form, grace of carriage, agreeably supplied their place. Her eye, as she re-entered the small sitting-room, instantly sought mine, which was just then lingering on the hearth; I knew she read at once the sort of inward ruth and pitying pain which the chill vacancy of that hearth stirred in my soul: quick to penetrate, quick to determine, and quicker to put in practice, she had in a moment tied a holland apron round her waist; then she disappeared, and reappeared with a basket; it had a cover; she opened it, and produced wood and coal; deftly and compactly she arranged them in the grate.

Stepping over a small mat of green wool, I found myself in a small room with a painted floor and a square of green carpet in the middle. The furniture was minimal but all bright and impeccably clean; order prevailed in its limited space—such order that it soothed my meticulous soul to see. I had hesitated to enter, worried that Mdlle. Reuter’s comment about its extreme poverty might be spot on, and I didn't want to embarrass the lace-maker by walking in unannounced! The place might have been poor; in fact, it was poor; but its cleanliness was more appealing than elegance, and if there had been a little fire warming that clean hearth, I would have found it more inviting than a palace. However, there was no fire, and no fuel prepared to light; the lace-maker couldn't afford that luxury, especially now when she had lost her only relative and had to rely solely on her own efforts. Frances went into an inner room to take off her bonnet and came out looking perfectly neat, wearing her well-fitting black dress that highlighted her elegant bust and slim waist, with a spotless white collar framing her fair and shapely neck. Her abundant brown hair was styled in smooth bands on her temples and a large Grecian plait at the back. She wore no jewelry—no brooch, ring, or ribbon; she did just fine without them—her perfect fit, graceful form, and poise filled in for their absence. As she walked back into the small sitting room, her gaze quickly found mine, which was lingering on the hearth; I knew she sensed the sadness and pity the empty chill of that hearth stirred in me: quick to understand, quick to act, she tied an apron around her waist and disappeared only to return with a basket. It had a lid; she opened it and took out wood and coal, skillfully and neatly arranging them in the grate.

“It is her whole stock, and she will exhaust it out of hospitality,” thought I.

“It’s everything she has, and she’ll use it all to be hospitable,” I thought.

“What are you going to do?” I asked: “not surely to light a fire this hot evening? I shall be smothered.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked. “You’re not actually going to start a fire on such a hot evening, are you? I’ll be suffocated.”

“Indeed, monsieur, I feel it very chilly since the rain began; besides, I must boil the water for my tea, for I take tea on Sundays; you will be obliged to try and bear the heat.”

“Honestly, sir, I feel really cold since it started to rain; also, I need to boil some water for my tea because I have tea on Sundays; you’ll have to try and handle the heat.”

She had struck a light; the wood was already in a blaze; and truly, when contrasted with the darkness, the wild tumult of the tempest without, that peaceful glow which began to beam on the now animated hearth, seemed very cheering. A low, purring sound, from some quarter, announced that another being, besides myself, was pleased with the change; a black cat, roused by the light from its sleep on a little cushioned foot-stool, came and rubbed its head against Frances’ gown as she knelt; she caressed it, saying it had been a favourite with her “pauvre tante Julienne.”

She had lit a fire; the wood was already blazing; and honestly, compared to the darkness and the wild chaos of the storm outside, the warm glow that started to shine on the lively hearth felt very comforting. A soft, purring sound from somewhere indicated that another creature, besides me, enjoyed the change; a black cat, awakened by the light from its nap on a small cushioned footstool, came over and rubbed its head against Frances’ dress as she knelt down; she pet it, saying it had been a favorite of her “poor Aunt Julienne.”

The fire being lit, the hearth swept, and a small kettle of a very antique pattern, such as I thought I remembered to have seen in old farmhouses in England, placed over the now ruddy flame, Frances’ hands were washed, and her apron removed in an instant; then she opened a cupboard, and took out a tea-tray, on which she had soon arranged a china tea-equipage, whose pattern, shape, and size, denoted a remote antiquity; a little, old-fashioned silver spoon was deposited in each saucer; and a pair of silver tongs, equally old-fashioned, were laid on the sugar-basin; from the cupboard, too, was produced a tidy silver cream-ewer, not larger then an egg-shell. While making these preparations, she chanced to look up, and, reading curiosity in my eyes, she smiled and asked—

The fire was lit, the hearth swept, and an old kettle, which I thought I recognized from old farmhouses in England, was placed over the now bright flames. Frances washed her hands and quickly took off her apron; then she opened a cupboard and took out a tea tray, on which she quickly arranged a china tea set that clearly showed its age. A small, traditional silver spoon was placed in each saucer, and a pair of equally old-fashioned silver tongs rested on the sugar bowl. From the cupboard, she also produced a neat silver cream pitcher, no larger than an egg. While preparing these, she happened to look up, and noticing the curiosity in my eyes, she smiled and asked—

“Is this like England, monsieur?”

"Is this like England, sir?"

“Like the England of a hundred years ago,” I replied.

“Just like England a hundred years ago,” I replied.

“Is it truly? Well, everything on this tray is at least a hundred years old: these cups, these spoons, this ewer, are all heirlooms; my great-grandmother left them to my grandmother, she to my mother, and my mother brought them with her from England to Switzerland, and left them to me; and, ever since I was a little girl, I have thought I should like to carry them back to England, whence they came.”

“Is it really? Well, everything on this tray is at least a hundred years old: these cups, these spoons, this pitcher, are all family heirlooms; my great-grandmother left them to my grandmother, she passed them to my mother, and my mother brought them with her from England to Switzerland, and left them to me; and ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to take them back to England, where they came from.”

She put some pistolets on the table; she made the tea, as foreigners do make tea—i.e., at the rate of a teaspoonful to half-a-dozen cups; she placed me a chair, and, as I took it, she asked, with a sort of exaltation—

She put some pastries on the table; she made the tea, like foreigners typically do—using about a teaspoon for half a dozen cups; she offered me a chair, and as I sat down, she asked, with a kind of excitement—

“Will it make you think yourself at home for a moment?”

“Will it make you feel at home for a moment?”

“If I had a home in England, I believe it would recall it,” I answered; and, in truth, there was a sort of illusion in seeing the fair-complexioned English-looking girl presiding at the English meal, and speaking in the English language.

“If I had a home in England, I think it would remind me of it,” I replied; and, honestly, there was a certain charm in seeing the light-skinned, English-looking girl serving the English meal and speaking in English.

“You have then no home?” was her remark.

“You don’t have a home then?” was her comment.

“None, nor ever have had. If ever I possess a home, it must be of my own making, and the task is yet to begin.” And, as I spoke, a pang, new to me, shot across my heart: it was a pang of mortification at the humility of my position, and the inadequacy of my means; while with that pang was born a strong desire to do more, earn more, be more, possess more; and in the increased possessions, my roused and eager spirit panted to include the home I had never had, the wife I inwardly vowed to win.

“None, nor have I ever had. If I ever have a home, it has to be one I create myself, and that journey is just starting.” And as I said this, a feeling I had never experienced before rushed through me: it was a mix of shame about my situation and the lack of resources I had. Along with that feeling, a strong desire to achieve more, earn more, be more, and have more emerged; and in those growing ambitions, my awakened and eager spirit yearned to include the home I had never had and the partner I secretly promised to pursue.

Frances’ tea was little better than hot water, sugar, and milk; and her pistolets, with which she could not offer me butter, were sweet to my palate as manna.

Frances' tea was barely more than hot water, sugar, and milk; and her pistolets, with which she couldn’t offer me butter, were as sweet to my taste as manna.

The repast over, and the treasured plate and porcelain being washed and put by, the bright table rubbed still brighter, “le chat de ma tante Julienne” also being fed with provisions brought forth on a plate for its special use, a few stray cinders, and a scattering of ashes too, being swept from the hearth, Frances at last sat down; and then, as she took a chair opposite to me, she betrayed, for the first time, a little embarrassment; and no wonder, for indeed I had unconsciously watched her rather too closely, followed all her steps and all her movements a little too perseveringly with my eyes, for she mesmerized me by the grace and alertness of her action—by the deft, cleanly, and even decorative effect resulting from each touch of her slight and fine fingers; and when, at last, she subsided to stillness, the intelligence of her face seemed beauty to me, and I dwelt on it accordingly. Her colour, however, rising, rather than settling with repose, and her eyes remaining downcast, though I kept waiting for the lids to be raised that I might drink a ray of the light I loved—a light where fire dissolved in softness, where affection tempered penetration, where, just now at least, pleasure played with thought—this expectation not being gratified, I began at last to suspect that I had probably myself to blame for the disappointment; I must cease gazing, and begin talking, if I wished to break the spell under which she now sat motionless; so recollecting the composing effect which an authoritative tone and manner had ever been wont to produce on her, I said—

After the meal was finished and the cherished plate and porcelain were washed and put away, the bright table was polished even more. "The cat of my Aunt Julienne" was also fed with food placed on a special dish just for it. A few stray bits of ash and some cinders were swept from the hearth, and finally, Frances sat down. As she took a chair across from me, she showed a hint of embarrassment for the first time. No wonder, really, since I had been unconsciously watching her a bit too closely, following her every step and movement with a bit too much focus. She captivated me with the grace and alertness of her actions—the smooth, precise, and even artistic effect produced by each touch of her delicate fingers. When she finally became still, the expression on her face seemed beautiful to me, and I couldn't help but focus on it. However, her color rose instead of settling, and her eyes stayed downcast. I kept hoping she'd lift her eyelids so I could catch a glimpse of the light I adored—a light that combined warmth and softness, where affection softened intensity, and where, at least for now, pleasure mingled with thought. When this expectation wasn't met, I started to suspect that I might be to blame for the disappointment. I needed to stop staring and start talking if I wanted to break the spell she seemed to be under. Remembering how an authoritative tone and demeanor had always calmed her, I said—

“Get one of your English books, mademoiselle, for the rain yet falls heavily, and will probably detain me half an hour longer.”

“Grab one of your English books, miss, because it’s still raining heavily, and it’ll probably keep me here for another half hour.”

Released, and set at ease, up she rose, got her book, and accepted at once the chair I placed for her at my side. She had selected “Paradise Lost” from her shelf of classics, thinking, I suppose, the religious character of the book best adapted it to Sunday; I told her to begin at the beginning, and while she read Milton’s invocation to that heavenly muse, who on the “secret top of Oreb or Sinai” had taught the Hebrew shepherd how in the womb of chaos, the conception of a world had originated and ripened, I enjoyed, undisturbed, the treble pleasure of having her near me, hearing the sound of her voice—a sound sweet and satisfying in my ear—and looking, by intervals, at her face: of this last privilege, I chiefly availed myself when I found fault with an intonation, a pause, or an emphasis; as long as I dogmatized, I might also gaze, without exciting too warm a flush.

Released and feeling relaxed, she stood up, grabbed her book, and instantly took the chair I set for her next to me. She chose “Paradise Lost” from her collection of classics, probably thinking that the book's religious theme was fitting for Sunday. I told her to start from the beginning, and while she read Milton’s invocation to that heavenly muse, who on the “secret top of Oreb or Sinai” had taught the Hebrew shepherd how the conception of a world originated and developed in the chaos, I enjoyed the triple pleasure of having her close by, listening to her voice—a sound sweet and satisfying to my ears—and glancing at her face from time to time: I mainly took advantage of this privilege when I critiqued her intonation, pause, or emphasis; as long as I was being opinionated, I could also look at her without causing too deep a blush.

“Enough,” said I, when she had gone through some half dozen pages (a work of time with her, for she read slowly and paused often to ask and receive information)—“enough; and now the rain is ceasing, and I must soon go.” For indeed, at that moment, looking towards the window, I saw it all blue; the thunder-clouds were broken and scattered, and the setting August sun sent a gleam like the reflection of rubies through the lattice. I got up; I drew on my gloves.

“Enough,” I said, as she finished reading about six pages (which took her a while since she read slowly and frequently stopped to ask questions)—“that’s enough; and now the rain is stopping, and I need to leave soon.” At that moment, looking out the window, I noticed it was all clear; the thunderclouds were broken and scattered, and the setting sun in August cast a shining light like the reflection of rubies through the window. I stood up; I put on my gloves.

“You have not yet found another situation to supply the place of that from which you were dismissed by Mdlle. Reuter?”

“You haven’t found another situation to take the place of the one you were let go from by Mdlle. Reuter?”

“No, monsieur; I have made inquiries everywhere, but they all ask me for references; and to speak truth, I do not like to apply to the directress, because I consider she acted neither justly nor honourably towards me; she used underhand means to set my pupils against me, and thereby render me unhappy while I held my place in her establishment, and she eventually deprived me of it by a masked and hypocritical manoeuvre, pretending that she was acting for my good, but really snatching from me my chief means of subsistence, at a crisis when not only my own life, but that of another, depended on my exertions: of her I will never more ask a favour.”

“No, sir; I’ve asked around everywhere, but they all want references. Honestly, I don’t want to reach out to the director because I feel she didn’t treat me fairly or honorably. She used sneaky tactics to turn my students against me, making me miserable while I worked in her establishment. In the end, she got rid of me through a deceitful and hypocritical scheme, pretending she was acting in my best interest but really taking away my main source of income at a time when not only my life but also someone else's depended on my efforts. I will never ask her for a favor again.”

“How, then, do you propose to get on? How do you live now?”

“How are you planning to get by? How do you live these days?”

“I have still my lace-mending trade; with care it will keep me from starvation, and I doubt not by dint of exertion to get better employment yet; it is only a fortnight since I began to try; my courage or hopes are by no means worn out yet.”

“I still have my lace-mending work; if I take care, it will keep me from starving, and I’m sure that with some effort, I can find better job opportunities; it’s only been two weeks since I started trying; my courage and hopes are by no means worn out yet.”

“And if you get what you wish, what then? what are your ultimate views?”

“And if you get what you wish for, then what? What do you really think?”

“To save enough to cross the Channel: I always look to England as my Canaan.”

“To save enough to cross the Channel: I always see England as my promised land.”

“Well, well—ere long I shall pay you another visit; good evening now,” and I left her rather abruptly; I had much ado to resist a strong inward impulse, urging me to take a warmer, more expressive leave: what so natural as to fold her for a moment in a close embrace, to imprint one kiss on her cheek or forehead? I was not unreasonable—that was all I wanted; satisfied in that point, I could go away content; and Reason denied me even this; she ordered me to turn my eyes from her face, and my steps from her apartment—to quit her as dryly and coldly as I would have quitted old Madame Pelet. I obeyed, but I swore rancorously to be avenged one day. “I’ll earn a right to do as I please in this matter, or I’ll die in the contest. I have one object before me now—to get that Genevese girl for my wife; and my wife she shall be—that is, provided she has as much, or half as much regard for her master as he has for her. And would she be so docile, so smiling, so happy under my instructions if she had not? would she sit at my side when I dictate or correct, with such a still, contented, halcyon mien?” for I had ever remarked, that however sad or harassed her countenance might be when I entered a room, yet after I had been near her, spoken to her a few words, given her some directions, uttered perhaps some reproofs, she would, all at once, nestle into a nook of happiness, and look up serene and revived. The reproofs suited her best of all: while I scolded she would chip away with her pen-knife at a pencil or a pen; fidgetting a little, pouting a little, defending herself by monosyllables, and when I deprived her of the pen or pencil, fearing it would be all cut away, and when I interdicted even the monosyllabic defence, for the purpose of working up the subdued excitement a little higher, she would at last raise her eyes and give me a certain glance, sweetened with gaiety, and pointed with defiance, which, to speak truth, thrilled me as nothing had ever done, and made me, in a fashion (though happily she did not know it), her subject, if not her slave. After such little scenes her spirits would maintain their flow, often for some hours, and, as I remarked before, her health therefrom took a sustenance and vigour which, previously to the event of her aunt’s death and her dismissal, had almost recreated her whole frame.

“Well, well—soon I’ll pay you another visit; good evening now,” and I left her a bit abruptly; I really had to fight the strong urge inside me that pushed me to say goodbye in a more meaningful way. What could be more natural than to wrap her in a quick hug or plant a kiss on her cheek or forehead? I wasn’t being unreasonable—that was all I wanted; if I could just do that, I’d leave satisfied. But Reason wouldn’t allow me even this; it ordered me to look away from her face and to leave her room— to exit as dryly and coldly as I would have walked away from old Madame Pelet. I complied, but I vowed angrily that I’d find a way to get back at her one day. “I’ll earn the right to do as I want in this situation, or I’ll fight until I die. I have one goal now—to make that Genevese girl my wife; and my wife she will be—if she feels as much, or even half as much, for her master as he feels for her. And would she be so compliant, so cheerful, so content under my guidance if she didn’t? Would she sit by my side while I correct her, with such a calm, happy demeanor?” I had always noticed that no matter how sad or troubled she looked when I walked into a room, after I’d spoken to her a few words or given her some instructions—even if I had to scold her—she would suddenly sink into a spot of happiness and look up, peaceful and rejuvenated. The scolding suited her best of all: while I reprimanded her, she’d fidget with a pencil or a pen, a little pouty, replying in one-syllable words, and when I took the pen or pencil away, worried it would be ruined, and when I forbade even her one-word responses to push her excitement a little higher, she would eventually look up and give me a glance, sweet with joy and edged with defiance, which, to be honest, thrilled me like nothing else ever had, making me, in a way (though luckily she didn’t know it), her subject, if not her slave. After those little scenes, her spirits would lift, often for several hours, and, as I mentioned earlier, her health would receive a boost of vitality that, ever since her aunt’s death and her dismissal, had almost revitalized her entire being.

It has taken me several minutes to write these last sentences; but I had thought all their purport during the brief interval of descending the stairs from Frances’ room. Just as I was opening the outer door, I remembered the twenty francs which I had not restored; I paused: impossible to carry them away with me; difficult to force them back on their original owner; I had now seen her in her own humble abode, witnessed the dignity of her poverty, the pride of order, the fastidious care of conservatism, obvious in the arrangement and economy of her little home; I was sure she would not suffer herself to be excused paying her debts; I was certain the favour of indemnity would be accepted from no hand, perhaps least of all from mine: yet these four five-franc pieces were a burden to my self-respect, and I must get rid of them. An expedient—a clumsy one no doubt, but the best I could devise—suggested itself to me. I darted up the stairs, knocked, re-entered the room as if in haste:—

It took me several minutes to write these last sentences, but I had thought about everything while quickly walking down the stairs from Frances' room. Just as I was about to open the outer door, I remembered the twenty francs I hadn't returned. I paused: it was impossible to take them with me; difficult to return them to their original owner. Having seen her in her simple home, witnessing the dignity of her poverty, the pride in her neatness, the careful organization of her small space; I was sure she wouldn't accept being excused from paying her debts. I was certain she wouldn't accept charity from anyone, least of all from me. Still, these four five-franc coins felt like a burden to my self-respect, and I needed to get rid of them. I came up with a plan—a clumsy one, no doubt, but the best I could think of. I rushed back up the stairs, knocked, and re-entered the room as if I were in a hurry:—

“Mademoiselle, I have forgotten one of my gloves; I must have left it here.”

“Mademoiselle, I’ve forgotten one of my gloves; I must have left it here.”

She instantly rose to seek it; as she turned her back, I—being now at the hearth—noiselessly lifted a little vase, one of a set of china ornaments, as old-fashioned as the tea-cups—slipped the money under it, then saying—“Oh here is my glove! I had dropped it within the fender; good evening, mademoiselle,” I made my second exit.

She quickly got up to look for it; as she turned away, I—now at the fireplace—silently picked up a small vase, one of a set of china decorations, as old-fashioned as the teacups—slipped the money underneath it, then said—“Oh, here’s my glove! I must have dropped it in the fender; good evening, miss,” and I made my second exit.

Brief as my impromptu return had been, it had afforded me time to pick up a heart-ache; I remarked that Frances had already removed the red embers of her cheerful little fire from the grate: forced to calculate every item, to save in every detail, she had instantly on my departure retrenched a luxury too expensive to be enjoyed alone.

As brief as my unplanned return had been, it had given me time to feel a heartache; I noticed that Frances had already taken the red embers from her cheerful little fire in the grate: having to account for every expense and save on every little thing, she had immediately cut a luxury that was too costly to enjoy alone right after I left.

“I am glad it is not yet winter,” thought I; “but in two months more come the winds and rains of November; would to God that before then I could earn the right, and the power, to shovel coals into that grate ad libitum!”

“I’m glad it’s not winter yet,” I thought; “but in two months, the winds and rains of November will be here; I wish to God that before then I could earn the right and the ability to shovel coal into that fireplace ad libitum!”

Already the pavement was drying; a balmy and fresh breeze stirred the air, purified by lightning; I felt the West behind me, where spread a sky like opal; azure immingled with crimson: the enlarged sun, glorious in Tyrian tints, dipped his brim already; stepping, as I was, eastward, I faced a vast bank of clouds, but also I had before me the arch of an evening rainbow; a perfect rainbow—high, wide, vivid. I looked long; my eye drank in the scene, and I suppose my brain must have absorbed it; for that night, after lying awake in pleasant fever a long time, watching the silent sheet-lightning, which still played among the retreating clouds, and flashed silvery over the stars, I at last fell asleep; and then in a dream were reproduced the setting sun, the bank of clouds, the mighty rainbow. I stood, methought, on a terrace; I leaned over a parapeted wall; there was space below me, depth I could not fathom, but hearing an endless dash of waves, I believed it to be the sea; sea spread to the horizon; sea of changeful green and intense blue: all was soft in the distance; all vapour-veiled. A spark of gold glistened on the line between water and air, floated up, approached, enlarged, changed; the object hung midway between heaven and earth, under the arch of the rainbow; the soft but dusk clouds diffused behind. It hovered as on wings; pearly, fleecy, gleaming air streamed like raiment round it; light, tinted with carnation, coloured what seemed face and limbs; a large star shone with still lustre on an angel’s forehead; an upraised arm and hand, glancing like a ray, pointed to the bow overhead, and a voice in my heart whispered—

The pavement was drying; a warm and fresh breeze stirred the air, cleansed by lightning. I felt the West behind me, where the sky spread like opal; blue mixed with crimson. The enlarged sun, glorious in rich colors, was already dipping below the horizon. As I walked eastward, I faced a vast bank of clouds, but I also saw the arch of an evening rainbow—a perfect rainbow, high, wide, and vivid. I gazed for a long time; my eyes absorbed the scene, and I suppose my brain must have taken it in. That night, after lying awake in pleasant excitement for a long time, watching the silent sheet lightning that still flickered among the retreating clouds and shone silver over the stars, I finally fell asleep. In my dream, I saw again the setting sun, the bank of clouds, and the mighty rainbow. I felt as though I stood on a terrace, leaning over a wall. Below me was a space I couldn’t measure, but listening to the endless crash of waves, I believed it was the sea; a sea stretching to the horizon, shifting shades of green and deep blue: everything was soft in the distance, all shrouded in mist. A glimmer of gold sparkled at the line between water and sky, floated up, came closer, grew larger, and transformed; the object hung midway between heaven and earth, beneath the arch of the rainbow; the soft yet dark clouds diffused behind it. It hovered like it was on wings; pearly, fluffy, gleaming air flowed around it like clothing; light, tinged with pink, colored what looked like a face and limbs. A large star shone with a steady brightness on an angel’s forehead; an outstretched arm and hand, sparkling like a ray, pointed to the bow above, and a voice in my heart whispered—

“Hope smiles on Effort!”

“Hope smiles on effort!”

CHAPTER XX.

A COMPETENCY was what I wanted; a competency it was now my aim and resolve to secure; but never had I been farther from the mark. With August the school-year (l’année scolaire) closed, the examinations concluded, the prizes were adjudged, the schools dispersed, the gates of all colleges, the doors of all pensionnats shut, not to be reopened till the beginning or middle of October. The last day of August was at hand, and what was my position? Had I advanced a step since the commencement of the past quarter? On the contrary, I had receded one. By renouncing my engagement as English master in Mdlle. Reuter’s establishment, I had voluntarily cut off £20 from my yearly income; I had diminished my £60 per annum to £40, and even that sum I now held by a very precarious tenure.

A COMPETENCY was what I wanted; it was my goal and determination to secure one, but I had never been further from achieving it. With August came the end of the school year, the final exams were done, the awards were given out, the schools closed, and the gates of all colleges and boarding schools were shut, not to reopen until early or mid-October. The last day of August was approaching, and what was my situation? Had I made any progress since the start of the last term? On the contrary, I had taken a step back. By giving up my job as an English teacher at Mdlle. Reuter’s school, I had voluntarily reduced my yearly income by £20; I went from £60 a year to £40, and even that amount was now on very shaky ground.

It is some time since I made any reference to M. Pelet. The moonlight walk is, I think, the last incident recorded in this narrative where that gentleman cuts any conspicuous figure: the fact is, since that event, a change had come over the spirit of our intercourse. He, indeed, ignorant that the still hour, a cloudless moon, and an open lattice, had revealed to me the secret of his selfish love and false friendship, would have continued smooth and complaisant as ever; but I grew spiny as a porcupine, and inflexible as a blackthorn cudgel; I never had a smile for his raillery, never a moment for his society; his invitations to take coffee with him in his parlour were invariably rejected, and very stiffly and sternly rejected too; his jesting allusions to the directress (which he still continued) were heard with a grim calm very different from the petulant pleasure they were formerly wont to excite. For a long time Pelet bore with my frigid demeanour very patiently; he even increased his attentions; but finding that even a cringing politeness failed to thaw or move me, he at last altered too; in his turn he cooled; his invitations ceased; his countenance became suspicious and overcast, and I read in the perplexed yet brooding aspect of his brow, a constant examination and comparison of premises, and an anxious endeavour to draw thence some explanatory inference. Ere long, I fancy, he succeeded, for he was not without penetration; perhaps, too, Mdlle. Zoraïde might have aided him in the solution of the enigma; at any rate I soon found that the uncertainty of doubt had vanished from his manner; renouncing all pretence of friendship and cordiality, he adopted a reserved, formal, but still scrupulously polite deportment. This was the point to which I had wished to bring him, and I was now again comparatively at my ease. I did not, it is true, like my position in his house; but being freed from the annoyance of false professions and double-dealing I could endure it, especially as no heroic sentiment of hatred or jealousy of the director distracted my philosophical soul; he had not, I found, wounded me in a very tender point, the wound was so soon and so radically healed, leaving only a sense of contempt for the treacherous fashion in which it had been inflicted, and a lasting mistrust of the hand which I had detected attempting to stab in the dark.

It's been a while since I mentioned M. Pelet. I think the moonlit walk is the last significant moment in this story where he plays a noticeable role: since that incident, our relationship has changed. He, unaware that the quiet hour, a clear moon, and an open window had revealed the truth about his selfish love and fake friendship, would have continued to be smooth and agreeable as always; but I became as prickly as a porcupine and as unyielding as a blackthorn stick. I never smiled at his teasing, nor did I spend any time with him. I consistently turned down his invitations to have coffee in his parlor, and I did so very stiffly and sternly. His joking references to the director (which he kept making) were met with a grim calm, very different from the sulky delight they used to bring me. For a long time, Pelet endured my cold behavior patiently; he even increased his attentions. But finding that even excessive politeness couldn't warm or sway me, he eventually changed too; he became distant as well. His invitations stopped, his expression grew suspicious and gloomy, and I could see in the confused and contemplative look on his face that he was constantly analyzing and comparing things, trying to figure out what was going on. Before long, I suspected he figured it out, as he wasn’t lacking in insight; maybe Mdlle. Zoraïde helped him decode the mystery, but either way, I soon realized that the uncertainty in his manner had disappeared. Giving up any pretense of friendship and warmth, he adopted a reserved, formal but still very polite demeanor. This was exactly the outcome I had hoped for, and I felt more at ease once again. It's true I didn't enjoy my situation in his house, but being free from the hassle of false niceties and deception made it bearable, especially since no intense feelings of hatred or jealousy toward the director disturbed my philosophical mindset; I found that he hadn’t really hurt me in a vulnerable spot, and the wound had healed quickly and thoroughly, leaving only a feeling of contempt for the sneaky way it had been inflicted, along with a lasting mistrust of the hand I had caught trying to stab me in the dark.

This state of things continued till about the middle of July, and then there was a little change; Pelet came home one night, an hour after his usual time, in a state of unequivocal intoxication, a thing anomalous with him; for if he had some of the worst faults of his countrymen, he had also one at least of their virtues, i.e. sobriety. So drunk, however, was he upon this occasion, that after having roused the whole establishment (except the pupils, whose dormitory being over the classes in a building apart from the dwelling-house, was consequently out of the reach of disturbance) by violently ringing the hall-bell and ordering lunch to be brought in immediately, for he imagined it was noon, whereas the city bells had just tolled midnight; after having furiously rated the servants for their want of punctuality, and gone near to chastise his poor old mother, who advised him to go to bed, he began raving dreadfully about “le maudit Anglais, Creemsvort.” I had not yet retired; some German books I had got hold of had kept me up late; I heard the uproar below, and could distinguish the director’s voice exalted in a manner as appalling as it was unusual. Opening my door a little, I became aware of a demand on his part for “Creemsvort” to be brought down to him that he might cut his throat on the hall-table and wash his honour, which he affirmed to be in a dirty condition, in infernal British blood. “He is either mad or drunk,” thought I, “and in either case the old woman and the servants will be the better of a man’s assistance,” so I descended straight to the hall. I found him staggering about, his eyes in a fine frenzy rolling—a pretty sight he was, a just medium between the fool and the lunatic.

This situation went on until about mid-July, when things changed a bit. Pelet came home one night, an hour later than usual, clearly drunk, which was unusual for him; while he had some of the worst traits of his countrymen, he also had at least one of their virtues: sobriety. However, he was so intoxicated that he woke up the whole household (except the students, whose dormitory was above the classrooms in a separate building and out of earshot) by ringing the doorbell violently and demanding lunch be served immediately, thinking it was noon, when in fact the city bells had just struck midnight. He angrily scolded the servants for not being on time and nearly punished his poor old mother, who suggested he go to bed. He began ranting wildly about “the cursed English, Creemsvort.” I hadn’t gone to bed yet; some German books I had found kept me up late. I heard the chaos below and could tell the director’s voice was raised in a way that was both alarming and out of character. As I opened my door slightly, I realized he was demanding that “Creemsvort” be brought to him so he could cut his throat on the hall table and wash his honor, which he claimed was tarnished, in hellish British blood. “He’s either mad or drunk,” I thought, “and in either case, the old woman and the servants could use some help from a man,” so I went straight to the hall. I found him staggering around, his eyes rolling in a crazed frenzy—a rather striking sight, a perfect blend of a fool and a madman.

“Come, M. Pelet,” said I, “you had better go to bed,” and I took hold of his arm. His excitement, of course, increased greatly at sight and touch of the individual for whose blood he had been making application: he struggled and struck with fury—but a drunken man is no match for a sober one; and, even in his normal state, Pelet’s worn out frame could not have stood against my sound one. I got him up-stairs, and, in process of time, to bed. During the operation he did not fail to utter comminations which, though broken, had a sense in them; while stigmatizing me as the treacherous spawn of a perfidious country, he, in the same breath, anathematized Zoraïde Reuter; he termed her “femme sotte et vicieuse,” who, in a fit of lewd caprice, had thrown herself away on an unprincipled adventurer; directing the point of the last appellation by a furious blow, obliquely aimed at me. I left him in the act of bounding elastically out of the bed into which I had tucked him; but, as I took the precaution of turning the key in the door behind me, I retired to my own room, assured of his safe custody till the morning, and free to draw undisturbed conclusions from the scene I had just witnessed.

“Come on, M. Pelet,” I said, “you should really get some sleep,” and I took hold of his arm. His excitement, of course, skyrocketed at the sight and touch of the person whose blood he had been after: he fought back and swung with anger—but a drunk man is no match for a sober one; and even in his normal state, Pelet’s worn-out body wouldn’t have held up against mine. I got him upstairs, and eventually, into bed. During the process, he didn’t hold back on his curses that, although slurred, made sense; while calling me the treacherous spawn of a deceitful country, he also condemned Zoraïde Reuter in the same breath. He called her “a foolish and vile woman” who, in a moment of lustful impulse, had wasted herself on an untrustworthy swindler, directing his last insult at me with a furious, poorly aimed punch. I left him bouncing out of the bed I had tucked him into; but since I took the precaution of locking the door behind me, I went to my own room, confident in knowing he was safe until morning, and free to draw my own conclusions from the scene I had just seen.

Now, it was precisely about this time that the directress, stung by my coldness, bewitched by my scorn, and excited by the preference she suspected me of cherishing for another, had fallen into a snare of her own laying—was herself caught in the meshes of the very passion with which she wished to entangle me. Conscious of the state of things in that quarter, I gathered, from the condition in which I saw my employer, that his lady-love had betrayed the alienation of her affections—inclinations, rather, I would say; affection is a word at once too warm and too pure for the subject—had let him see that the cavity of her hollow heart, emptied of his image, was now occupied by that of his usher. It was not without some surprise that I found myself obliged to entertain this view of the case; Pelet, with his old-established school, was so convenient, so profitable a match—Zoraïde was so calculating, so interested a woman—I wondered mere personal preference could, in her mind, have prevailed for a moment over worldly advantage: yet, it was evident, from what Pelet said, that, not only had she repulsed him, but had even let slip expressions of partiality for me. One of his drunken exclamations was, “And the jade doats on your youth, you raw blockhead! and talks of your noble deportment, as she calls your accursed English formality—and your pure morals, forsooth! des moeurs de Caton a-t-elle dit—sotte!” Hers, I thought, must be a curious soul, where in spite of a strong, natural tendency to estimate unduly advantages of wealth and station, the sardonic disdain of a fortuneless subordinate had wrought a deeper impression than could be imprinted by the most flattering assiduities of a prosperous chef d’institution. I smiled inwardly; and strange to say, though my amour propre was excited not disagreeably by the conquest, my better feelings remained untouched. Next day, when I saw the directress, and when she made an excuse to meet me in the corridor, and besought my notice by a demeanour and look subdued to Helot humility, I could not love, I could scarcely pity her. To answer briefly and dryly some interesting inquiry about my health—to pass her by with a stern bow—was all I could; her presence and manner had then, and for some time previously and consequently, a singular effect upon me: they sealed up all that was good, elicited all that was noxious in my nature; sometimes they enervated my senses, but they always hardened my heart. I was aware of the detriment done, and quarrelled with myself for the change. I had ever hated a tyrant; and, behold, the possession of a slave, self-given, went near to transform me into what I abhorred! There was at once a sort of low gratification in receiving this luscious incense from an attractive and still young worshipper; and an irritating sense of degradation in the very experience of the pleasure. When she stole about me with the soft step of a slave, I felt at once barbarous and sensual as a pasha. I endured her homage sometimes; sometimes I rebuked it. My indifference or harshness served equally to increase the evil I desired to check.

Now, it was exactly around this time that the director, stung by my coldness, captivated by my disdain, and fired up by the suspicion that I had feelings for someone else, had fallen into a trap of her own making—she had become ensnared by the very passion she tried to ensnare me with. Aware of the situation in that regard, I gathered, from how I saw my employer, that his love interest had shown signs of distancing herself—more so her inclinations, I would say; affection is a word too warm and pure for this situation—had made it clear that her empty heart, devoid of his image, was now filled with that of his assistant. I was somewhat surprised to find myself considering this perspective; Pelet, with his well-established school, was such a convenient, profitable match—Zoraïde was such a calculating and self-serving woman—I wondered how personal preference could possibly override worldly gain in her mind, even for a moment: yet, it was obvious from what Pelet said that she had not only rejected him, but had even let slip hints of liking me. One of his drunken outbursts was, “And the woman fawns over your youth, you clumsy fool! and talks about your noble demeanor, as she calls your cursed English formality—and your pure morals, indeed! ‘the morals of Cato,’ she said—foolish!” I thought her soul must be quite peculiar, where despite a strong, natural tendency to overvalue the advantages of wealth and status, the sardonic disdain from a penniless subordinate had made a more profound impression than could be created by the most flattering attention from a successful head of an institution. I smiled inwardly; and strangely enough, although my ego was pleasantly stirred by this conquest, my better feelings remained intact. The next day, when I saw the director, and she made an excuse to run into me in the hallway, and begged for my attention with a demeanor and look subdued to a slave's humility, I could not love her, and I could barely pity her. To respond briefly and coldly to some polite inquiry about my health—to pass her by with a stern nod—was all I could manage; her presence and manner had then, and for a while before and after, a strange effect on me: they shut down all that was good in me, drawing out the worst of my nature; sometimes they weakened my senses, but they always hardened my heart. I knew the harm this was causing and berated myself for the change. I had always hated a tyrant; yet here I was, almost transformed into what I despised by the possession of a willingly submissive person! There was a certain low satisfaction in receiving this sweet praise from an attractive and still young admirer; and an irritating sense of degradation in the very act of enjoying it. When she moved around me with the soft tread of a servant, I felt both barbaric and sensual like a pasha. I sometimes tolerated her adoration; other times, I rebuked it. My indifference or harshness only served to amplify the very problem I wanted to lessen.

“Que le dédain lui sied bien!” I once overheard her say to her mother: “il est beau comme Apollon quand il sourit de son air hautain.”

“Her disdain suits her well!” I once heard her say to her mother: “he looks like Apollo when he smiles with that haughty air.”

And the jolly old dame laughed, and said she thought her daughter was bewitched, for I had no point of a handsome man about me, except being straight and without deformity. “Pour moi,” she continued, “il me fait tout l’effet d’un chat-huant, avec ses bésicles.”

And the cheerful old lady laughed and said she thought her daughter was under a spell, because I didn’t have any of the qualities of a handsome man, other than being straight and without any flaws. “For me,” she continued, “he looks just like an owl with his glasses.”

Worthy old girl! I could have gone and kissed her had she not been a little too old, too fat, and too red-faced; her sensible, truthful words seemed so wholesome, contrasted with the morbid illusions of her daughter.

Worthy old girl! I might have gone and kissed her if she weren't a bit too old, too heavy, and too red-faced; her sensible, honest words felt so refreshing, especially compared to the twisted ideas of her daughter.

When Pelet awoke on the morning after his frenzy fit, he retained no recollection of what had happened the previous night, and his mother fortunately had the discretion to refrain from informing him that I had been a witness of his degradation. He did not again have recourse to wine for curing his griefs, but even in his sober mood he soon showed that the iron of jealousy had entered into his soul. A thorough Frenchman, the national characteristic of ferocity had not been omitted by nature in compounding the ingredients of his character; it had appeared first in his access of drunken wrath, when some of his demonstrations of hatred to my person were of a truly fiendish character, and now it was more covertly betrayed by momentary contractions of the features, and flashes of fierceness in his light blue eyes, when their glance chanced to encounter mine. He absolutely avoided speaking to me; I was now spared even the falsehood of his politeness. In this state of our mutual relations, my soul rebelled sometimes almost ungovernably, against living in the house and discharging the service of such a man; but who is free from the constraint of circumstances? At that time, I was not: I used to rise each morning eager to shake off his yoke, and go out with my portmanteau under my arm, if a beggar, at least a freeman; and in the evening, when I came back from the pensionnat de demoiselles, a certain pleasant voice in my ear; a certain face, so intelligent, yet so docile, so reflective, yet so soft, in my eyes; a certain cast of character, at once proud and pliant, sensitive and sagacious, serious and ardent, in my head; a certain tone of feeling, fervid and modest, refined and practical, pure and powerful, delighting and troubling my memory—visions of new ties I longed to contract, of new duties I longed to undertake, had taken the rover and the rebel out of me, and had shown endurance of my hated lot in the light of a Spartan virtue.

When Pelet woke up the morning after his binge, he couldn’t remember anything from the night before, and thankfully, his mother had the good sense not to tell him that I had seen his downfall. He didn’t resort to drinking again to deal with his troubles, but even in his sober state, it was clear that jealousy had gotten under his skin. As a true Frenchman, he had not escaped the national trait of fierceness, which first showed in his drunken fury when he expressed his hatred for me in truly devilish ways. Now, it was more subtly revealed in quick grimaces and flashes of anger in his light blue eyes when they happened to meet mine. He completely avoided talking to me; I was even spared the pretense of his politeness. In this state of our relationship, I often found myself rebelliously wishing to escape living in the same house and serving such a man; but who can truly escape from the pressures of their situation? At that time, I couldn’t: I would wake up every morning eager to throw off his control and leave, with my bag under my arm, as a beggar, but at least a free man; and in the evenings, when I returned from the girls' school, I would hear a certain pleasant voice in my ear; see a certain face that was both intelligent and gentle, thoughtful yet soft, proud yet adaptable, sensitive yet wise, serious yet passionate, in my mind; feel a certain tone of emotion, fiery yet humble, refined yet practical, pure yet powerful, stirring both joy and anxiety in my memory—visions of new connections I yearned to make, of new responsibilities I wanted to take on, had transformed the wanderer and rebel in me, allowing me to endure my unpleasant situation with a sort of Spartan resilience.

But Pelet’s fury subsided; a fortnight sufficed for its rise, progress, and extinction: in that space of time the dismissal of the obnoxious teacher had been effected in the neighbouring house, and in the same interval I had declared my resolution to follow and find out my pupil, and upon my application for her address being refused, I had summarily resigned my own post. This last act seemed at once to restore Mdlle. Reuter to her senses; her sagacity, her judgment, so long misled by a fascinating delusion, struck again into the right track the moment that delusion vanished. By the right track, I do not mean the steep and difficult path of principle—in that path she never trod; but the plain highway of common sense, from which she had of late widely diverged. When there she carefully sought, and having found, industriously pursued the trail of her old suitor, M. Pelet. She soon overtook him. What arts she employed to soothe and blind him I know not, but she succeeded both in allaying his wrath, and hoodwinking his discernment, as was soon proved by the alteration in his mien and manner; she must have managed to convince him that I neither was, nor ever had been, a rival of his, for the fortnight of fury against me terminated in a fit of exceeding graciousness and amenity, not unmixed with a dash of exulting self-complacency, more ludicrous than irritating. Pelet’s bachelor’s life had been passed in proper French style with due disregard to moral restraint, and I thought his married life promised to be very French also. He often boasted to me what a terror he had been to certain husbands of his acquaintance; I perceived it would not now be difficult to pay him back in his own coin.

But Pelet's anger faded; two weeks were enough for it to rise, develop, and dissipate: during that time, the unpleasant teacher had been let go from the nearby house, and in the same period, I had declared my intention to track down my student. When my request for her address was denied, I promptly resigned from my own position. This last action seemed to bring Mdlle. Reuter back to her senses; her intelligence and judgment, which had been misled by an alluring illusion, quickly got back on the right path as soon as that illusion disappeared. By the right path, I don’t mean the challenging road of principle—she never ventured there; rather, I refer to the straightforward road of common sense, from which she had recently strayed far. Once back on that road, she carefully searched for, and eventually pursued, the path of her old admirer, M. Pelet. She caught up with him soon. I don't know what tricks she used to calm him down and deceive him, but she managed to both ease his anger and blind his perception, as was soon evident from the change in his demeanor and behavior. She must have convinced him that I was neither a rival of his nor had ever been one, for the two weeks of fury against me ended in a fit of extreme kindness and amiability, mixed with a hint of triumphant self-satisfaction, which was more amusing than annoying. Pelet's single life had been lived in a proper French manner, without much regard for moral restraint, and I thought his married life would likely be very French as well. He often bragged to me about being a terror to certain husbands he knew; I realized it wouldn’t be hard to give him a taste of his own medicine.

The crisis drew on. No sooner had the holidays commenced than note of preparation for some momentous event sounded all through the premises of Pelet: painters, polishers, and upholsterers were immediately set to work, and there was talk of “la chambre de Madame,” “le salon de Madame.” Not deeming it probable that the old duenna at present graced with that title in our house, had inspired her son with such enthusiasm of filial piety, as to induce him to fit up apartments expressly for her use, I concluded, in common with the cook, the two housemaids, and the kitchen-scullion, that a new and more juvenile Madame was destined to be the tenant of these gay chambers.

The crisis continued. As soon as the holidays began, preparations for some big event started happening all around Pelet’s place: painters, polishers, and upholsterers were quickly put to work, and there were discussions about “the Madame’s room” and “the Madame’s salon.” I didn’t think it was likely that the old caretaker, who currently held that title in our house, had inspired her son with such strong feelings of filial duty to create rooms just for her. I, along with the cook, the two housemaids, and the kitchen helper, concluded that a new and younger Madame was going to be the occupant of these fancy rooms.

Presently official announcement of the coming event was put forth. In another week’s time M. François Pelet, directeur, and Mdlle. Zoraïde Reuter, directrice, were to be joined together in the bands of matrimony. Monsieur, in person, heralded the fact to me; terminating his communication by an obliging expression of his desire that I should continue, as heretofore, his ablest assistant and most trusted friend; and a proposition to raise my salary by an additional two hundred francs per annum. I thanked him, gave no conclusive answer at the time, and, when he had left me, threw off my blouse, put on my coat, and set out on a long walk outside the Porte de Flandre, in order, as I thought, to cool my blood, calm my nerves, and shake my disarranged ideas into some order. In fact, I had just received what was virtually my dismissal. I could not conceal, I did not desire to conceal from myself the conviction that, being now certain that Mdlle. Reuter was destined to become Madame Pelet it would not do for me to remain a dependent dweller in the house which was soon to be hers. Her present demeanour towards me was deficient neither in dignity nor propriety; but I knew her former feeling was unchanged. Decorum now repressed, and Policy masked it, but Opportunity would be too strong for either of these—Temptation would shiver their restraints.

An official announcement was made about the upcoming event. In a week, M. François Pelet, the director, and Mdlle. Zoraïde Reuter, the directrice, were set to be married. Monsieur personally shared this news with me, ending his message with a kind expression of his wish for me to remain, as before, his most capable assistant and trusted friend, along with a proposal to raise my salary by an additional two hundred francs a year. I thanked him but didn’t give a definitive answer at that moment. After he left, I took off my blouse, put on my coat, and went for a long walk outside the Porte de Flandre to cool down, calm my nerves, and sort out my chaotic thoughts. In reality, I had just received what felt like my dismissal. I couldn’t hide, nor did I want to hide from myself, the realization that since Mdlle. Reuter was soon to be Madame Pelet, it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to remain a dependent tenant in the house that would soon be hers. Her current behavior towards me was dignified and proper, but I knew her true feelings hadn’t changed. Social decorum held it back, and strategy masked it, but given the chance, temptation would break through those barriers.

I was no pope—I could not boast infallibility: in short, if I stayed, the probability was that, in three months’ time, a practical modern French novel would be in full process of concoction under the roof of the unsuspecting Pelet. Now, modern French novels are not to my taste, either practically or theoretically. Limited as had yet been my experience of life, I had once had the opportunity of contemplating, near at hand, an example of the results produced by a course of interesting and romantic domestic treachery. No golden halo of fiction was about this example, I saw it bare and real, and it was very loathsome. I saw a mind degraded by the practice of mean subterfuge, by the habit of perfidious deception, and a body depraved by the infectious influence of the vice-polluted soul. I had suffered much from the forced and prolonged view of this spectacle; those sufferings I did not now regret, for their simple recollection acted as a most wholesome antidote to temptation. They had inscribed on my reason the conviction that unlawful pleasure, trenching on another’s rights, is delusive and envenomed pleasure—its hollowness disappoints at the time, its poison cruelly tortures afterwards, its effects deprave for ever.

I wasn’t a pope—I couldn’t claim to be infallible: in short, if I stayed, it was likely that, in three months’ time, a practical modern French novel would be in full swing under the roof of the unsuspecting Pelet. Now, modern French novels aren’t my thing, either practically or theoretically. Limited as my experience of life had been, I once had the chance to see, up close, an example of the results produced by a scenario of interesting and romantic domestic betrayal. There was no golden halo of fiction around this example; I saw it for what it was, raw and real, and it was truly disgusting. I saw a mind degraded by the practice of petty tricks, by the habit of treacherous deception, and a body tainted by the corrupting influence of a vice-ridden soul. I had suffered greatly from the forced and long exposure to this spectacle; I didn’t regret those sufferings now, as their mere recollection served as a strong antidote to temptation. They had impressed upon my mind the belief that illegal pleasure, which encroaches on another’s rights, is a deceptive and toxic pleasure—its emptiness disappoints in the moment, its poison tortures later, and its effects corrupt forever.

From all this resulted the conclusion that I must leave Pelet’s, and that instantly; “but,” said Prudence, “you know not where to go, nor how to live;” and then the dream of true love came over me: Frances Henri seemed to stand at my side; her slender waist to invite my arm; her hand to court my hand; I felt it was made to nestle in mine; I could not relinquish my right to it, nor could I withdraw my eyes for ever from hers, where I saw so much happiness, such a correspondence of heart with heart; over whose expression I had such influence; where I could kindle bliss, infuse awe, stir deep delight, rouse sparkling spirit, and sometimes waken pleasurable dread. My hopes to will and possess, my resolutions to merit and rise, rose in array against me; and here I was about to plunge into the gulf of absolute destitution; “and all this,” suggested an inward voice, “because you fear an evil which may never happen!” “It will happen; you know it will,” answered that stubborn monitor, Conscience. “Do what you feel is right; obey me, and even in the sloughs of want I will plant for you firm footing.” And then, as I walked fast along the road, there rose upon me a strange, inly-felt idea of some Great Being, unseen, but all present, who in His beneficence desired only my welfare, and now watched the struggle of good and evil in my heart, and waited to see whether I should obey His voice, heard in the whispers of my conscience, or lend an ear to the sophisms by which His enemy and mine—the Spirit of Evil—sought to lead me astray. Rough and steep was the path indicated by divine suggestion; mossy and declining the green way along which Temptation strewed flowers; but whereas, methought, the Deity of Love, the Friend of all that exists, would smile well-pleased were I to gird up my loins and address myself to the rude ascent; so, on the other hand, each inclination to the velvet declivity seemed to kindle a gleam of triumph on the brow of the man-hating, God-defying demon. Sharp and short I turned round; fast I retraced my steps; in half an hour I was again at M. Pelet’s: I sought him in his study; brief parley, concise explanation sufficed; my manner proved that I was resolved; he, perhaps, at heart approved my decision. After twenty minutes’ conversation, I re-entered my own room, self-deprived of the means of living, self-sentenced to leave my present home, with the short notice of a week in which to provide another.

From all this, I concluded that I had to leave Pelet’s immediately. “But,” Prudence said, “you don’t know where to go or how to live.” Then the dream of true love washed over me: Frances Henri seemed to stand beside me, her slim waist inviting my arm, her hand inviting mine. I felt it was meant to fit perfectly in my own; I couldn't give up my right to it, nor could I turn my gaze away from hers, where I saw so much happiness, a real connection of hearts. I had so much influence over her expressions; I could spark joy, instill awe, evoke deep delight, ignite a lively spirit, and sometimes evoke a pleasurable fear. My hopes to act on my desires and improve my situation rose up against me; I was about to dive into the abyss of complete poverty, and an inner voice suggested, “And all this, just because you fear something that might never happen!” “It will happen; you know it will,” my stubborn conscience insisted. “Do what you know is right; follow me, and even in the depths of want, I will give you solid ground.” As I walked quickly down the road, a strange, deeply felt thought emerged of some Great Being, unseen but present, who wanted nothing but my happiness and was witnessing the battle of good and evil in my heart, waiting to see if I would listen to His voice heard in the whispers of my conscience or be led astray by the arguments of His enemy—and mine—the Spirit of Evil. The path suggested by divine guidance was rough and steep, while the easy path lined with flowers by Temptation looked enticing. But I thought that the God of Love, the friend of all beings, would be pleased if I gathered my strength and tackled the difficult uphill path. On the other hand, every pull toward the smooth slope seemed to ignite a look of victory on the face of the demon who despised humanity and defied God. I turned sharply and quickly went back; in half an hour, I was again at M. Pelet’s. I found him in his study; a brief chat and a clear explanation were enough; my demeanor showed that I was determined; he probably approved of my decision at heart. After twenty minutes of conversation, I returned to my own room, stripped of the means to support myself, self-imposed to leave my current home, with just a week’s notice to find another.

CHAPTER XXI.

DIRECTLY as I closed the door, I saw laid on the table two letters; my thought was, that they were notes of invitation from the friends of some of my pupils; I had received such marks of attention occasionally, and with me, who had no friends, correspondence of more interest was out of the question; the postman’s arrival had never yet been an event of interest to me since I came to Brussels. I laid my hand carelessly on the documents, and coldly and slowly glancing at them, I prepared to break the seals; my eye was arrested and my hand too; I saw what excited me, as if I had found a vivid picture where I expected only to discover a blank page: on one cover was an English postmark; on the other, a lady’s clear, fine autograph; the last I opened first:—

As soon as I closed the door, I noticed two letters laid out on the table. My first thought was that they were invitation notes from the friends of some of my students; I had occasionally received such gestures, and for someone like me, who had no friends, any correspondence would be less interesting. The postman’s arrival had never really been a significant event for me since I arrived in Brussels. I casually placed my hand on the letters and, slowly glancing at them with a sense of indifference, I prepared to break the seals. But then something caught my eye and my hand froze; I saw something that excited me, almost like discovering a vivid picture when I expected just a blank page: one envelope had an English postmark, and the other featured a lady’s elegant, clear handwriting. I decided to open the last one first:—

“MONSIEUR,

"Mister,"

“I found out what you had done the very morning after your visit to me; you might be sure I should dust the china, every day; and, as no one but you had been in my room for a week, and as fairy-money is not current in Brussels, I could not doubt who left the twenty francs on the chimney-piece. I thought I heard you stir the vase when I was stooping to look for your glove under the table, and I wondered you should imagine it had got into such a little cup. Now, monsieur, the money is not mine, and I shall not keep it; I will not send it in this note because it might be lost—besides, it is heavy; but I will restore it to you the first time I see you, and you must make no difficulties about taking it; because, in the first place, I am sure, monsieur, you can understand that one likes to pay one’s debts; that it is satisfactory to owe no man anything; and, in the second place, I can now very well afford to be honest, as I am provided with a situation. This last circumstance is, indeed, the reason of my writing to you, for it is pleasant to communicate good news; and, in these days, I have only my master to whom I can tell anything.

“I found out what you had done the very morning after your visit to me; you can be sure I would clean the china every day; and since no one but you had been in my room for a week, and fairy money doesn’t work in Brussels, I couldn’t doubt who left the twenty francs on the mantelpiece. I thought I heard you move the vase when I was bending down to look for your glove under the table, and I wondered why you thought it had ended up in such a small cup. Now, sir, the money isn’t mine, and I won’t keep it; I won’t send it in this note because it might get lost—besides, it’s heavy; but I’ll return it to you the first time I see you, and you must not make a fuss about taking it; because, first of all, I’m sure you understand that one likes to settle debts; that it’s satisfying to owe no one anything; and second, I can now well afford to be honest since I have a job. This last reason is, in fact, why I’m writing to you, because it’s nice to share good news; and these days, I only have my boss to whom I can tell anything.

“A week ago, monsieur, I was sent for by a Mrs. Wharton, an English lady; her eldest daughter was going to be married, and some rich relation having made her a present of a veil and dress in costly old lace, as precious, they said, almost as jewels, but a little damaged by time, I was commissioned to put them in repair. I had to do it at the house; they gave me, besides, some embroidery to complete, and nearly a week elapsed before I had finished everything. While I worked, Miss Wharton often came into the room and sat with me, and so did Mrs. Wharton; they made me talk English; asked how I had learned to speak it so well; then they inquired what I knew besides—what books I had read; soon they seemed to make a sort of wonder of me, considering me no doubt as a learned grisette. One afternoon, Mrs. Wharton brought in a Parisian lady to test the accuracy of my knowledge of French; the result of it was that, owing probably in a great degree to the mother’s and daughter’s good humour about the marriage, which inclined them to do beneficent deeds, and partly, I think, because they are naturally benevolent people, they decided that the wish I had expressed to do something more than mend lace was a very legitimate one; and the same day they took me in their carriage to Mrs. D.‘s, who is the directress of the first English school at Brussels. It seems she happened to be in want of a French lady to give lessons in geography, history, grammar, and composition, in the French language. Mrs. Wharton recommended me very warmly; and, as two of her younger daughters are pupils in the house, her patronage availed to get me the place. It was settled that I am to attend six hours daily (for, happily, it was not required that I should live in the house; I should have been sorry to leave my lodgings), and, for this, Mrs. D. will give me twelve hundred francs per annum.

“A week ago, I was called by Mrs. Wharton, an English lady; her oldest daughter was about to get married, and a wealthy relative had gifted her a veil and dress made of expensive old lace, which they said was almost as valuable as jewels, though a bit worn with age. I was asked to repair them. I had to do the work at their home; they also gave me some embroidery to finish, and it took nearly a week to complete everything. While I worked, Miss Wharton often came into the room to sit with me, as did Mrs. Wharton; they had me speak English; they asked how I learned to speak it so well, and then they wanted to know what else I knew—what books I had read. Before long, they seemed to find me fascinating, probably considering me a sort of educated working girl. One afternoon, Mrs. Wharton brought in a Parisian lady to check my French skills; because of the mother’s and daughter’s cheerful mood about the wedding, which made them inclined to do kind things, and also because they are just generally nice people, they decided that my desire to do something more than just mend lace was perfectly valid. That same day, they took me in their carriage to see Mrs. D., who runs the top English school in Brussels. It turned out she was looking for a French lady to teach geography, history, grammar, and composition in French. Mrs. Wharton strongly recommended me; since two of her younger daughters are students there, her support helped me get the job. It was arranged that I would work six hours a day (thankfully, I wouldn’t have to live there, as I would have hated to leave my lodgings), and for this, Mrs. D. will pay me twelve hundred francs a year.

“You see, therefore, monsieur, that I am now rich; richer almost than I ever hoped to be: I feel thankful for it, especially as my sight was beginning to be injured by constant working at fine lace; and I was getting, too, very weary of sitting up late at nights, and yet not being able to find time for reading or study. I began to fear that I should fall ill, and be unable to pay my way; this fear is now, in a great measure, removed; and, in truth, monsieur, I am very grateful to God for the relief; and I feel it necessary, almost, to speak of my happiness to some one who is kind-hearted enough to derive joy from seeing others joyful. I could not, therefore, resist the temptation of writing to you; I argued with myself it is very pleasant for me to write, and it will not be exactly painful, though it may be tiresome to monsieur to read. Do not be too angry with my circumlocution and inelegancies of expression, and, believe me

“You see, sir, that I am now rich; richer than I ever expected to be. I feel grateful for it, especially since my eyesight was starting to suffer from constantly working with delicate lace. I was also becoming quite tired of staying up late at night and still not having time for reading or studying. I began to worry that I would get sick and wouldn’t be able to support myself; that worry is mostly gone now. Truly, sir, I am very thankful to God for this relief, and I almost feel the need to share my happiness with someone kind enough to appreciate seeing others happy. So, I couldn’t resist the urge to write to you; I thought it would be enjoyable for me to write, and while it may be a bit tedious for you to read, I hope it’s not too painful. Please don’t be too annoyed by my roundabout way of speaking and my awkward expressions, and believe me…”

“Your attached pupil,

“Your attached student,

“F. E. HENRI.”

“F. E. HENRI.”

Having read this letter, I mused on its contents for a few moments—whether with sentiments pleasurable or otherwise I will hereafter note—and then took up the other. It was directed in a hand to me unknown—small, and rather neat; neither masculine nor exactly feminine; the seal bore a coat of arms, concerning which I could only decipher that it was not that of the Seacombe family, consequently the epistle could be from none of my almost forgotten, and certainly quite forgetting patrician relations. From whom, then, was it? I removed the envelope; the note folded within ran as follows:

After reading this letter, I thought about its contents for a few moments—whether my feelings were good or bad, I will note later—and then I picked up the other one. It was addressed in a handwriting I didn’t recognize—small and quite neat; it was neither distinctly masculine nor feminine. The seal had a coat of arms on it, which I could only tell wasn’t from the Seacombe family, so the letter couldn’t be from any of my almost-forgotten, and certainly completely forgotten, aristocratic relatives. So, who was it from? I took out the envelope; the note inside read as follows:

“I have no doubt in the world that you are doing well in that greasy Flanders; living probably on the fat of the unctuous land; sitting like a black-haired, tawny-skinned, long-nosed Israelite by the flesh-pots of Egypt; or like a rascally son of Levi near the brass cauldrons of the sanctuary, and every now and then plunging in a consecrated hook, and drawing out of the sea of broth the fattest of heave-shoulders and the fleshiest of wave-breasts. I know this, because you never write to any one in England. Thankless dog that you are! I, by the sovereign efficacy of my recommendation, got you the place where you are now living in clover, and yet not a word of gratitude, or even acknowledgment, have you ever offered in return; but I am coming to see you, and small conception can you, with your addled aristocratic brains, form of the sort of moral kicking I have, ready packed in my carpet-bag, destined to be presented to you immediately on my arrival.

“I have no doubt that you’re doing well in that greasy Flanders; probably living off the rich land, sitting like a dark-haired, tan-skinned, long-nosed Israelite by the pots of meat in Egypt; or like a sneaky son of Levi near the brass cauldrons of the sanctuary, occasionally dipping in a holy hook and pulling out the biggest chunks of meat from the broth. I know this because you never write to anyone in England. Ungrateful dog! I, through the power of my recommendation, helped you get the comfortable life you have now, and yet you haven't offered a word of thanks or acknowledgment in return; but I’m coming to see you, and you can’t even imagine the kind of moral kicking I have, all packed up in my suitcase, ready to be served to you as soon as I arrive.

“Meantime I know all about your affairs, and have just got information, by Brown’s last letter, that you are said to be on the point of forming an advantageous match with a pursy, little Belgian schoolmistress—a Mdlle. Zénobie, or some such name. Won’t I have a look at her when I come over! And this you may rely on: if she pleases my taste, or if I think it worth while in a pecuniary point of view, I’ll pounce on your prize and bear her away triumphant in spite of your teeth. Yet I don’t like dumpies either, and Brown says she is little and stout—the better fitted for a wiry, starved-looking chap like you. “Be on the look-out, for you know neither the day nor hour when your ——” (I don’t wish to blaspheme, so I’ll leave a blank)—cometh.

“Meanwhile, I know all about your situation and just got word from Brown's latest letter that you're supposedly about to get into a promising relationship with a plump little Belgian schoolteacher—a Mdlle. Zénobie or something like that. I can't wait to check her out when I come over! And you can count on this: if she catches my interest, or if I think it's financially beneficial, I'll swoop in and take your prize away from you, no matter what you say. But I must admit, I'm not a fan of short and stout either, and Brown mentioned she’s small and chubby—the perfect fit for a skinny, undernourished guy like you. “Keep your eyes peeled, because you never know the day or hour when your ——” (I won't use any profanity, so I'll leave a blank)—will show up.”

“Yours truly,

"Sincerely,"

“HUNSDEN YORKE HUNSDEN.”

“Hunsden Yorke Hunsden.”

“Humph!” said I; and ere I laid the letter down, I again glanced at the small, neat handwriting, not a bit like that of a mercantile man, nor, indeed, of any man except Hunsden himself. They talk of affinities between the autograph and the character: what affinity was there here? I recalled the writer’s peculiar face and certain traits I suspected, rather than knew, to appertain to his nature, and I answered, “A great deal.”

“Humph!” I said; and before I set the letter down, I glanced again at the small, neat handwriting, which didn’t look at all like that of a businessman, or really like any man except Hunsden himself. They say there’s a connection between a person’s writing and their character: what connection was there here? I remembered the writer’s unique face and certain traits I thought, rather than knew, were part of his nature, and I replied, “A great deal.”

Hunsden, then, was coming to Brussels, and coming I knew not when; coming charged with the expectation of finding me on the summit of prosperity, about to be married, to step into a warm nest, to lie comfortably down by the side of a snug, well-fed little mate.

Hunsden was coming to Brussels, and I had no idea when; arriving with the hope of finding me at the peak of success, about to get married, ready to settle into a cozy home, lying down comfortably next to a happy, well-fed partner.

“I wish him joy of the fidelity of the picture he has painted,” thought I. “What will he say when, instead of a pair of plump turtle doves, billing and cooing in a bower of roses, he finds a single lean cormorant, standing mateless and shelterless on poverty’s bleak cliff? Oh, confound him! Let him come, and let him laugh at the contrast between rumour and fact. Were he the devil himself, instead of being merely very like him, I’d not condescend to get out of his way, or to forge a smile or a cheerful word wherewith to avert his sarcasm.”

“I wish him well with the faithful picture he has painted,” I thought. “What will he say when, instead of a pair of cute turtle doves, cuddling in a rose-covered arch, he finds a single skinny cormorant, standing alone and exposed on poverty’s harsh cliff? Oh, damn him! Let him come, and let him laugh at the difference between what people say and the reality. Even if he were the devil himself, instead of just being really similar to him, I wouldn’t lower myself to step aside or force a smile or a cheerful word to dodge his sarcasm.”

Then I recurred to the other letter: that struck a chord whose sound I could not deaden by thrusting my fingers into my ears, for it vibrated within; and though its swell might be exquisite music, its cadence was a groan.

Then I turned to the other letter: that struck a chord that I couldn't silence by plugging my ears, because it resonated inside me; and while its swell might be beautiful music, its rhythm was a groan.

That Frances was relieved from the pressure of want, that the curse of excessive labour was taken off her, filled me with happiness; that her first thought in prosperity should be to augment her joy by sharing it with me, met and satisfied the wish of my heart. Two results of her letter were then pleasant, sweet as two draughts of nectar; but applying my lips for the third time to the cup, and they were excoriated as with vinegar and gall.

That Frances was freed from the stress of need, that the burden of relentless work was lifted from her, filled me with happiness; that her first thought in good times was to multiply her joy by sharing it with me fulfilled my heart's desire. Two parts of her letter were then delightful, sweet as two sips of nectar; but when I brought my lips to the cup for a third time, they felt as if they were burned with vinegar and bile.

Two persons whose desires are moderate may live well enough in Brussels on an income which would scarcely afford a respectable maintenance for one in London: and that, not because the necessaries of life are so much dearer in the latter capital, or taxes so much higher than in the former, but because the English surpass in folly all the nations on God’s earth, and are more abject slaves to custom, to opinion, to the desire to keep up a certain appearance, than the Italians are to priestcraft, the French to vain-glory, the Russians to their Czar, or the Germans to black beer. I have seen a degree of sense in the modest arrangement of one homely Belgian household, that might put to shame the elegance, the superfluities, the luxuries, the strained refinements of a hundred genteel English mansions. In Belgium, provided you can make money, you may save it; this is scarcely possible in England; ostentation there lavishes in a month what industry has earned in a year. More shame to all classes in that most bountiful and beggarly country for their servile following of Fashion; I could write a chapter or two on this subject, but must forbear, at least for the present. Had I retained my £60 per annum I could, now that Frances was in possession of £50, have gone straight to her this very evening, and spoken out the words which, repressed, kept fretting my heart with fever; our united income would, as we should have managed it, have sufficed well for our mutual support; since we lived in a country where economy was not confounded with meanness, where frugality in dress, food, and furniture, was not synonymous with vulgarity in these various points. But the placeless usher, bare of resource, and unsupported by connections, must not think of this; such a sentiment as love, such a word as marriage, were misplaced in his heart, and on his lips. Now for the first time did I truly feel what it was to be poor; now did the sacrifice I had made in casting from me the means of living put on a new aspect; instead of a correct, just, honourable act, it seemed a deed at once light and fanatical; I took several turns in my room, under the goading influence of most poignant remorse; I walked a quarter of an hour from the wall to the window; and at the window, self-reproach seemed to face me; at the wall, self-disdain: all at once out spoke Conscience:—

Two people with moderate desires can live comfortably in Brussels on an income that wouldn’t even cover basic living expenses for one person in London. This isn’t because life’s necessities are so much more expensive in London or because taxes are higher, but because the English are the most foolish of all nations on earth and are more enslaved by customs, opinions, and the need to maintain a certain image than Italians are to religious authority, the French to vanity, the Russians to their Czar, or the Germans to their beer. I’ve witnessed a sense of practicality in the simple setup of a Belgian household that could shame the elegance, excesses, luxuries, and over-refinements of many upscale English homes. In Belgium, if you can earn money, you can save it; this is nearly impossible in England, where showiness spends in a month what hard work earns in a year. It’s shameful for all social classes in that rich yet impoverished country to bow to fashion. I could write a chapter or two on this, but I’ll hold off for now. If I had kept my £60 a year, I could have gone straight to Frances this evening and said the words that have been weighing on my heart; our combined income would have been enough for both of us since we lived in a place where being frugal wasn’t seen as cheap and where saving on clothing, food, and furniture didn’t mean being seen as low-class. But a penniless teacher, with no resources or connections, can’t think of such things; feelings like love and terms like marriage are out of place for him. For the first time, I really felt what it means to be poor; the sacrifice I made by giving up my means of living took on a different meaning; what felt like a correct, just, and honorable act now seemed like something light and crazy. I paced around my room, driven by intense regret; I walked back and forth for a quarter of an hour from the wall to the window; at the window, self-reproach confronted me; at the wall, self-disdain. Suddenly, Conscience spoke out:—

“Down, stupid tormenters!” cried she; “the man has done his duty; you shall not bait him thus by thoughts of what might have been; he relinquished a temporary and contingent good to avoid a permanent and certain evil; he did well. Let him reflect now, and when your blinding dust and deafening hum subside, he will discover a path.”

“Be quiet, you annoying tormentors!” she shouted; “the man has done what he needed to do; you won’t make him feel bad by reminding him of what could have been; he gave up a short-term benefit to steer clear of a long-term disaster; he made the right choice. Let him think now, and when your overwhelming noise and chaos settle down, he will find a way.”

I sat down; I propped my forehead on both my hands; I thought and thought an hour—two hours; vainly. I seemed like one sealed in a subterranean vault, who gazes at utter blackness; at blackness ensured by yard-thick stone walls around, and by piles of building above, expecting light to penetrate through granite, and through cement firm as granite. But there are chinks, or there may be chinks, in the best adjusted masonry; there was a chink in my cavernous cell; for, eventually, I saw, or seemed to see, a ray—pallid, indeed, and cold, and doubtful, but still a ray, for it showed that narrow path which conscience had promised after two, three hours’ torturing research in brain and memory, I disinterred certain remains of circumstances, and conceived a hope that by putting them together an expedient might be framed, and a resource discovered. The circumstances were briefly these:

I sat down, rested my forehead on both my hands, and thought for an hour—two hours; in vain. I felt like someone trapped in a dark underground vault, staring into total darkness; a darkness made permanent by thick stone walls around me and heavy buildings above, hoping light would somehow break through the granite and solid cement. But there are usually cracks, or at least the possibility of cracks, in even the best masonry; there was a crack in my dark cell; because eventually, I saw—or thought I saw—a faint ray—pale, cold, and uncertain, but still a ray, showing that narrow path which my conscience had promised. After two or three hours of mental torture searching my brain and memory, I dug up some details and began to hope that by piecing them together, I could find a solution and uncover a resource. The circumstances were simply these:

Some three months ago M. Pelet had, on the occasion of his fête, given the boys a treat, which treat consisted in a party of pleasure to a certain place of public resort in the outskirts of Brussels, of which I do not at this moment remember the name, but near it were several of those lakelets called étangs; and there was one étang, larger than the rest, where on holidays people were accustomed to amuse themselves by rowing round it in little boats. The boys having eaten an unlimited quantity of “gaufres,” and drank several bottles of Louvain beer, amid the shades of a garden made and provided for such crams, petitioned the director for leave to take a row on the étang. Half a dozen of the eldest succeeded in obtaining leave, and I was commissioned to accompany them as surveillant. Among the half dozen happened to be a certain Jean Baptiste Vandenhuten, a most ponderous young Flamand, not tall, but even now, at the early age of sixteen, possessing a breadth and depth of personal development truly national. It chanced that Jean was the first lad to step into the boat; he stumbled, rolled to one side, the boat revolted at his weight and capsized. Vandenhuten sank like lead, rose, sank again. My coat and waistcoat were off in an instant; I had not been brought up at Eton and boated and bathed and swam there ten long years for nothing; it was a natural and easy act for me to leap to the rescue. The lads and the boatmen yelled; they thought there would be two deaths by drowning instead of one; but as Jean rose the third time, I clutched him by one leg and the collar, and in three minutes more both he and I were safe landed. To speak heaven’s truth, my merit in the action was small indeed, for I had run no risk, and subsequently did not even catch cold from the wetting; but when M. and Madame Vandenhuten, of whom Jean Baptiste was the sole hope, came to hear of the exploit, they seemed to think I had evinced a bravery and devotion which no thanks could sufficiently repay. Madame, in particular, was “certain I must have dearly loved their sweet son, or I would not thus have hazarded my own life to save his.” Monsieur, an honest-looking, though phlegmatic man, said very little, but he would not suffer me to leave the room, till I had promised that in case I ever stood in need of help I would, by applying to him, give him a chance of discharging the obligation under which he affirmed I had laid him. These words, then, were my glimmer of light; it was here I found my sole outlet; and in truth, though the cold light roused, it did not cheer me; nor did the outlet seem such as I should like to pass through. Right I had none to M. Vandenhuten’s good offices; it was not on the ground of merit I could apply to him; no, I must stand on that of necessity: I had no work; I wanted work; my best chance of obtaining it lay in securing his recommendation. This I knew could be had by asking for it; not to ask, because the request revolted my pride and contradicted my habits, would, I felt, be an indulgence of false and indolent fastidiousness. I might repent the omission all my life; I would not then be guilty of it.

About three months ago, M. Pelet had, during his fête, treated the boys to a fun outing to a public place on the outskirts of Brussels, the name of which I can’t remember right now, but nearby were several small lakes called étangs. There was one étang, larger than the others, where people liked to spend holidays rowing little boats around. After the boys had eaten tons of “gaufres” and drunk several bottles of Louvain beer in the shady garden provided for such feasting, they asked the director for permission to row on the étang. Six of the oldest boys got the go-ahead, and I was asked to supervise them. Among these six was a certain Jean Baptiste Vandenhuten, a very heavy young Flemish boy, not tall, but even at the young age of sixteen, he had a solid build that was quite impressive. It so happened that Jean was the first to step into the boat; he stumbled, tipped to one side, and the boat capsized under his weight. Vandenhuten sank like a rock, surfaced, and sank again. I was out of my coat and waistcoat in no time; I hadn’t spent ten years at Eton learning to boat, bathe, and swim for nothing; jumping in to help was a natural move for me. The boys and the boatmen yelled, thinking there would be two drownings instead of just one; but as Jean came up for the third time, I grabbed him by a leg and his collar, and in three minutes, both of us were on dry land. Honestly, my role in the rescue wasn’t that impressive—I didn’t really risk anything and didn’t even catch a cold from getting wet—but when M. and Madame Vandenhuten, who saw Jean Baptiste as their only hope, heard about what happened, they seemed to believe I had shown bravery and dedication that deserved more gratitude than anyone could give. Madame especially was “sure I must have loved their sweet son dearly, or I wouldn’t have risked my own life to save him.” Monsieur, a straightforward but calm man, didn’t say much, but he wouldn’t let me leave until I promised that if I ever needed help, I would reach out to him so he could repay the debt I supposedly owed him. Those words were my glimmer of hope; that was my only way out. And honestly, while the cold light awakened me, it didn’t lift my spirits; the way out didn’t look appealing to me. I had no right to rely on M. Vandenhuten’s kindness; it wasn’t based on merit that I could ask him for help. No, I had to stand on the grounds of necessity: I had no job; I needed a job; my best chance to get one was to secure his recommendation. I knew I could get it by asking; not asking, because it offended my pride and went against my nature, would be just indulging in lazy arrogance. I might regret that omission for the rest of my life; I wouldn’t be guilty of it then.

That evening I went to M. Vandenhuten’s; but I had bent the bow and adjusted the shaft in vain; the string broke. I rang the bell at the great door (it was a large, handsome house in an expensive part of the town); a manservant opened; I asked for M. Vandenhuten; M. Vandenhuten and family were all out of town—gone to Ostend—did not know when they would be back. I left my card, and retraced my steps.

That evening I went to M. Vandenhuten’s place; but I had tried to bend the bow and adjust the shaft without success; the string snapped. I rang the bell at the big door (it was a large, beautiful house in a nice part of town); a manservant answered; I asked for M. Vandenhuten; he and his family were all out of town—gone to Ostend—and I didn’t know when they would return. I left my card and headed back.

CHAPTER XXII

A WEEK is gone; le jour des noces arrived; the marriage was solemnized at St. Jacques; Mdlle. Zoraïde became Madame Pelet, née Reuter; and, in about an hour after this transformation, “the happy pair,” as newspapers phrase it, were on their way to Paris; where, according to previous arrangement, the honeymoon was to be spent. The next day I quitted the pensionnat. Myself and my chattels (some books and clothes) were soon transferred to a modest lodging I had hired in a street not far off. In half an hour my clothes were arranged in a commode, my books on a shelf, and the “flitting” was effected. I should not have been unhappy that day had not one pang tortured me—a longing to go to the Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges, resisted, yet irritated by an inward resolve to avoid that street till such time as the mist of doubt should clear from my prospects.

A week has passed; the wedding day arrived; the marriage was held at St. Jacques; Mdlle. Zoraïde became Madame Pelet, née Reuter; and about an hour after this change, “the happy couple,” as newspapers like to say, were on their way to Paris, where they were supposed to spend their honeymoon. The next day, I left the boarding house. My belongings (a few books and some clothes) were soon moved to a small apartment I had rented nearby. In half an hour, my clothes were put away in a dresser, my books on a shelf, and the move was complete. I wouldn’t have felt unhappy that day if it wasn’t for one painful feeling—a desire to go to Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges, which I resisted, yet it frustrated me because I was determined to stay away from that street until the fog of uncertainty cleared from my future.

It was a sweet September evening—very mild, very still; I had nothing to do; at that hour I knew Frances would be equally released from occupation; I thought she might possibly be wishing for her master, I knew I wished for my pupil. Imagination began with her low whispers, infusing into my soul the soft tale of pleasures that might be.

It was a pleasant September evening—very mild, very calm; I had nothing to do; at that time, I knew Frances would also be free from work; I thought she might be longing for her master, and I knew I was hoping to see my student. My imagination started with her quiet whispers, filling my mind with the gentle possibility of pleasures that could be.

“You will find her reading or writing,” said she; “you can take your seat at her side; you need not startle her peace by undue excitement; you need not embarrass her manner by unusual action or language. Be as you always are; look over what she has written; listen while she reads; chide her, or quietly approve; you know the effect of either system; you know her smile when pleased, you know the play of her looks when roused; you have the secret of awakening what expression you will, and you can choose amongst that pleasant variety. With you she will sit silent as long as it suits you to talk alone; you can hold her under a potent spell: intelligent as she is, eloquent as she can be, you can seal her lips, and veil her bright countenance with diffidence; yet, you know, she is not all monotonous mildness; you have seen, with a sort of strange pleasure, revolt, scorn, austerity, bitterness, lay energetic claim to a place in her feelings and physiognomy; you know that few could rule her as you do; you know she might break, but never bend under the hand of Tyranny and Injustice, but Reason and Affection can guide her by a sign. Try their influence now. Go—they are not passions; you may handle them safely.”

“You'll find her reading or writing,” she said; “you can sit next to her; you don’t have to disturb her peace with unnecessary excitement; you don’t need to make her uncomfortable with unusual actions or words. Just be yourself; look over what she’s written; listen while she reads; tease her or quietly show your approval; you know how each approach affects her; you recognize her smile when she’s happy, and the expression on her face when she's energized; you have the knack for drawing out whatever expression you want, and you can choose from that delightful variety. With you, she’ll sit quietly as long as you want to talk alone; you have a special charm over her: as smart as she is, and as articulate as she can be, you can make her quiet, hiding her bright face with shyness; yet, you know she’s not just a bundle of calmness; you’ve seen, with a strange thrill, her feelings of revolt, scorn, seriousness, and bitterness come to life in her expressions; you understand that few could influence her like you do; you know she might break, but she’ll never bow to Tyranny and Injustice, though Reason and Affection can guide her with a nod. Test their power now. Go—they aren’t emotions; you can handle them safely.”

“I will not go,” was my answer to the sweet temptress. A man is master of himself to a certain point, but not beyond it. Could I seek Frances to-night, could I sit with her alone in a quiet room, and address her only in the language of Reason and Affection?”

“I will not go,” was my response to the alluring woman. A man is in control of himself to a certain extent, but no further. Could I find Frances tonight, could I be alone with her in a calm room, and speak to her only in the language of Logic and Love?”

“No,” was the brief, fervent reply of that Love which had conquered and now controlled me.

“No,” was the quick, passionate response of that Love which had conquered and now controlled me.

Time seemed to stagnate; the sun would not go down; my watch ticked, but I thought the hands were paralyzed.

Time felt like it had stopped; the sun wouldn’t set; my watch was ticking, but I thought the hands were frozen.

“What a hot evening!” I cried, throwing open the lattice; for, indeed, I had seldom felt so feverish. Hearing a step ascending the common stair, I wondered whether the “locataire,” now mounting to his apartments, were as unsettled in mind and condition as I was, or whether he lived in the calm of certain resources, and in the freedom of unfettered feelings. What! was he coming in person to solve the problem hardly proposed in inaudible thought? He had actually knocked at the door—at my door; a smart, prompt rap; and, almost before I could invite him in, he was over the threshold, and had closed the door behind him.

“What a hot evening!” I exclaimed, throwing open the window; for, honestly, I had rarely felt so restless. Hearing footsteps coming up the shared stairway, I wondered if the tenant, now heading to his apartment, was as troubled in mind and spirit as I was, or if he lived comfortably, free from worry and constraints. What! Was he actually coming in person to answer the question that I hardly even dared to think? He had knocked at the door—at my door; a quick, sharp knock; and almost before I could invite him in, he was across the threshold, having closed the door behind him.

“And how are you?” asked an indifferent, quiet voice, in the English language; while my visitor, without any sort of bustle or introduction, put his hat on the table, and his gloves into his hat, and drawing the only armchair the room afforded a little forward, seated himself tranquilly therein.

“And how are you?” asked a calm, indifferent voice in English, as my visitor, without any fuss or introduction, placed his hat on the table, tucked his gloves into his hat, and then quietly pulled the only armchair in the room a little forward to sit down comfortably.

“Can’t you speak?” he inquired in a few moments, in a tone whose nonchalance seemed to intimate that it was much the same thing whether I answered or not. The fact is, I found it desirable to have recourse to my good friends “les bésicles;” not exactly to ascertain the identity of my visitor—for I already knew him, confound his impudence! but to see how he looked—to get a clear notion of his mien and countenance. I wiped the glasses very deliberately, and put them on quite as deliberately; adjusting them so as not to hurt the bridge of my nose or get entangled in my short tufts of dun hair. I was sitting in the window-seat, with my back to the light, and I had him vis-à-vis; a position he would much rather have had reversed; for, at any time, he preferred scrutinizing to being scrutinized. Yes, it was he, and no mistake, with his six feet of length arranged in a sitting attitude; with his dark travelling surtout with its velvet collar, his gray pantaloons, his black stock, and his face, the most original one Nature ever modelled, yet the least obtrusively so; not one feature that could be termed marked or odd, yet the effect of the whole unique. There is no use in attempting to describe what is indescribable. Being in no hurry to address him, I sat and stared at my ease.

“Can’t you talk?” he asked after a moment, with a casual tone that suggested it didn’t really matter whether I replied or not. The truth is, I wanted to grab my trusty glasses; not really to confirm who my visitor was—since I already knew him, damn his boldness!—but to see how he looked and to get a clear picture of his expression and demeanor. I cleaned the lenses slowly and put them on just as carefully, adjusting them to avoid hurting the bridge of my nose or getting caught in my short, messy hair. I was sitting in the window seat, facing away from the light, and he was directly across from me; a position he would have preferred to reverse since he always liked to observe rather than be observed. Yes, it was definitely him, no doubt about it, with his tall frame positioned casually; dressed in a dark travel coat with a velvet collar, gray trousers, a black necktie, and his face, the most unique one Nature ever created, yet in the least showy way possible; not a single feature that could be called striking or unusual, but the overall effect was one-of-a-kind. There's no point in trying to describe what can't be described. With no rush to speak to him, I just sat and stared comfortably.

“Oh, that’s your game—is it?” said he at last. “Well, we’ll see which is soonest tired.” And he slowly drew out a fine cigar-case, picked one to his taste, lit it, took a book from the shelf convenient to his hand, then leaning back, proceeded to smoke and read as tranquilly as if he had been in his own room, in Grove-street, X—-shire, England. I knew he was capable of continuing in that attitude till midnight, if he conceived the whim, so I rose, and taking the book from his hand, I said,—

“Oh, that’s your game, is it?” he finally said. “Well, we’ll see who gets tired first.” He slowly pulled out a nice cigar case, chose one he liked, lit it up, grabbed a book from the nearby shelf, and then leaned back, smoking and reading as calmly as if he were in his own room on Grove Street, X—-shire, England. I realized he could stay like that until midnight if he felt like it, so I got up, took the book from his hands, and said,—

“You did not ask for it, and you shall not have it.”

“You didn’t ask for it, and you won’t get it.”

“It is silly and dull,” he observed, “so I have not lost much;” then the spell being broken, he went on: “I thought you lived at Pelet’s; I went there this afternoon expecting to be starved to death by sitting in a boarding-school drawing-room, and they told me you were gone, had departed this morning; you had left your address behind you though, which I wondered at; it was a more practical and sensible precaution than I should have imagined you capable of. Why did you leave?”

“It’s pointless and boring,” he said, “so I haven’t lost much;” then, the spell broken, he continued: “I thought you were at Pelet’s; I went there this afternoon expecting to be bored to death in a boarding-school living room, and they told me you had left, that you had gone this morning; you left your address behind, which surprised me; it was a more practical and sensible thing to do than I would have thought you capable of. Why did you leave?”

“Because M. Pelet has just married the lady whom you and Mr. Brown assigned to me as my wife.”

“Because M. Pelet just married the woman you and Mr. Brown picked for me as my wife.”

“Oh, indeed!” replied Hunsden with a short laugh; “so you’ve lost both your wife and your place?”

“Oh, really!” replied Hunsden with a quick laugh; “so you’ve lost both your wife and your job?”

“Precisely so.”

"Exactly."

I saw him give a quick, covert glance all round my room; he marked its narrow limits, its scanty furniture: in an instant he had comprehended the state of matters—had absolved me from the crime of prosperity. A curious effect this discovery wrought in his strange mind; I am morally certain that if he had found me installed in a handsome parlour, lounging on a soft couch, with a pretty, wealthy wife at my side, he would have hated me; a brief, cold, haughty visit, would in such a case have been the extreme limit of his civilities, and never would he have come near me more, so long as the tide of fortune bore me smoothly on its surface; but the painted furniture, the bare walls, the cheerless solitude of my room relaxed his rigid pride, and I know not what softening change had taken place both in his voice and look ere he spoke again.

I saw him take a quick, discreet look around my room; he noted its small size and sparse furniture. In an instant, he understood the situation—he let me off the hook for not being successful. This revelation had a strange effect on his mind; I'm pretty sure that if he had found me in a nice parlour, lounging on a comfortable couch, with a pretty, wealthy wife beside me, he would have hated me. A short, cold, and formal visit would have been the most he could manage, and he probably would never have come near me again as long as I was riding a wave of good fortune. But the painted furniture, bare walls, and lonely atmosphere of my room softened his rigid pride, and I couldn't tell what change had taken place in his voice and expression before he spoke again.

“You have got another place?”

“Do you have another place?”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“You are in the way of getting one?”

“You're on the path to getting one?”

“No.”

“No.”

“That is bad; have you applied to Brown?”

"That's not good; have you applied to Brown?"

“No, indeed.”

"No way."

“You had better; he often has it in his power to give useful information in such matters.”

“You should; he often has the ability to provide useful information on these topics.”

“He served me once very well; I have no claim on him, and am not in the humour to bother him again.”

“He helped me out really well once; I don’t owe him anything, and I’m not in the mood to trouble him again.”

“Oh, if you’re bashful, and dread being intrusive, you need only commission me. I shall see him to-night; I can put in a word.”

“Oh, if you’re shy and worry about being a bother, you just need to ask me. I’ll see him tonight; I can say something.”

“I beg you will not, Mr. Hunsden; I am in your debt already; you did me an important service when I was at X——; got me out of a den where I was dying: that service I have never repaid, and at present I decline positively adding another item to the account.”

“I really hope you won’t, Mr. Hunsden; I already owe you. You did me a huge favor when I was at X——; you got me out of a place where I was literally dying: I’ve never repaid that favor, and right now I definitely refuse to add another debt to the list.”

“If the wind sits that way, I’m satisfied. I thought my unexampled generosity in turning you out of that accursed counting-house would be duly appreciated some day: ‘Cast your bread on the waters, and it shall be found after many days,’ say the Scriptures. Yes, that’s right, lad—make much of me—I’m a nonpareil: there’s nothing like me in the common herd. In the meantime, to put all humbug aside and talk sense for a few moments, you would be greatly the better of a situation, and what is more, you are a fool if you refuse to take one from any hand that offers it.”

“If the wind blows that way, I'm good with it. I thought my incredible generosity in getting you out of that cursed counting-house would be appreciated eventually: ‘Cast your bread on the waters, and it will be found after many days,’ as the Scriptures say. Yes, that’s right, kid—think highly of me—I’m one of a kind: there’s no one like me in the ordinary crowd. In the meantime, let’s put all the nonsense aside and be real for a moment, you would be much better off with a job, and honestly, you’re a fool if you turn down any offer that comes your way.”

“Very well, Mr. Hunsden; now you have settled that point, talk of something else. What news from X——?”

“Alright, Mr. Hunsden; now that you've sorted that out, let's discuss something else. What's the news from X——?”

“I have not settled that point, or at least there is another to settle before we get to X——. Is this Miss Zénobie” (Zoraïde, interposed I)—“well, Zoraïde—is she really married to Pelet?”

“I haven't figured that out yet, or at least there's another question to answer before we get to X——. Is this Miss Zénobie” (Zoraïde, I interrupted)—“well, Zoraïde—is she actually married to Pelet?”

“I tell you yes—and if you don’t believe me, go and ask the curé of St. Jacques.”

“I’m telling you yes—and if you don’t believe me, go ask the priest of St. Jacques.”

“And your heart is broken?”

"And your heart is hurt?"

“I am not aware that it is; it feels all right—beats as usual.”

“I don’t think it is; it feels fine—beating like it usually does.”

“Then your feelings are less superfine than I took them to be; you must be a coarse, callous character, to bear such a thwack without staggering under it.”

“Then your feelings are less refined than I assumed; you must be a rough, insensitive person to handle such a blow without faltering.”

“Staggering under it? What the deuce is there to stagger under in the circumstance of a Belgian schoolmistress marrying a French schoolmaster? The progeny will doubtless be a strange hybrid race; but that’s their look-out—not mine.”

“Struggling with it? What on earth is there to struggle with in the situation of a Belgian schoolmistress marrying a French schoolmaster? The offspring will surely be an unusual mix; but that's their concern—not mine.”

“He indulges in scurrilous jests, and the bride was his affianced one!”

"He makes crude jokes, and the bride was his fiancée!"

“Who said so?”

"Who said that?"

“Brown.”

“Brown.”

“I’ll tell you what, Hunsden—Brown is an old gossip.”

“I’ll tell you something, Hunsden—Brown is such a gossip.”

“He is; but in the meantime, if his gossip be founded on less than fact—if you took no particular interest in Miss Zoraïde—why, O youthful pedagogue! did you leave your place in consequence of her becoming Madame Pelet?”

“He is; but in the meantime, if his gossip is based on anything less than the truth—if you weren’t particularly interested in Miss Zoraïde—then why, oh young teacher! did you leave your position because she became Madame Pelet?”

“Because—” I felt my face grow a little hot; “because—in short, Mr. Hunsden, I decline answering any more questions,” and I plunged my hands deep in my breeches pocket.

“Because—” I felt my face warm up a bit; “because—in short, Mr. Hunsden, I refuse to answer any more questions,” and I shoved my hands deep into my pants pocket.

Hunsden triumphed: his eyes—his laugh announced victory.

Hunsden won: his eyes—his laugh showed he was victorious.

“What the deuce are you laughing at, Mr. Hunsden?”

"What the heck are you laughing at, Mr. Hunsden?"

“At your exemplary composure. Well, lad, I’ll not bore you; I see how it is: Zoraïde has jilted you—married some one richer, as any sensible woman would have done if she had had the chance.”

“At your impressive calm. Well, kid, I won’t waste your time; I get it: Zoraïde has dumped you—married someone wealthier, just like any smart woman would have if she had the opportunity.”

I made no reply—I let him think so, not feeling inclined to enter into an explanation of the real state of things, and as little to forge a false account; but it was not easy to blind Hunsden; my very silence, instead of convincing him that he had hit the truth, seemed to render him doubtful about it; he went on:—

I didn't respond—I let him believe that, not wanting to explain the actual situation, and just as little to create a false story; but it wasn't easy to fool Hunsden; my silence, instead of convincing him he was right, made him question it even more; he continued:—

“I suppose the affair has been conducted as such affairs always are amongst rational people: you offered her your youth and your talents—such as they are—in exchange for her position and money: I don’t suppose you took appearance, or what is called love, into the account—for I understand she is older than you, and Brown says, rather sensible-looking than beautiful. She, having then no chance of making a better bargain, was at first inclined to come to terms with you, but Pelet—the head of a flourishing school—stepped in with a higher bid; she accepted, and he has got her: a correct transaction—perfectly so—business-like and legitimate. And now we’ll talk of something else.”

“I guess the situation has unfolded just like these things usually do among reasonable people: you offered her your youth and your skills—whatever they may be—in exchange for her status and money. I doubt you considered looks, or what’s called love, since I hear she’s older than you, and Brown says she’s more sensible-looking than beautiful. She, having no chance to make a better deal, was initially willing to settle with you, but Pelet—the head of a successful school—intervened with a better offer; she accepted, and now he has her. A straightforward transaction—absolutely so—businesslike and proper. Now let’s move on to something else.”

“Do,” said I, very glad to dismiss the topic, and especially glad to have baffled the sagacity of my cross-questioner—if, indeed, I had baffled it; for though his words now led away from the dangerous point, his eyes, keen and watchful, seemed still preoccupied with the former idea.

“Sure,” I said, really happy to change the subject, and especially pleased to have thrown off the cleverness of my interrogator—if I had managed that; because even though his words moved away from the risky topic, his eyes, sharp and observant, still seemed focused on the previous idea.

“You want to hear news from X——? And what interest can you have in X——? You left no friends there, for you made none. Nobody ever asks after you—neither man nor woman; and if I mention your name in company, the men look as if I had spoken of Prester John; and the women sneer covertly. Our X—— belles must have disliked you. How did you excite their displeasure?”

“You want to hear news from X——? What interest do you have in X——? You didn’t leave any friends there because you didn’t make any. Nobody ever asks about you—neither men nor women; and when I mention your name in a group, the guys look like I just brought up Prester John, and the women roll their eyes. The women of X—— must have disliked you. What did you do to make them upset?”

“I don’t know. I seldom spoke to them—they were nothing to me. I considered them only as something to be glanced at from a distance; their dresses and faces were often pleasing enough to the eye: but I could not understand their conversation, nor even read their countenances. When I caught snatches of what they said, I could never make much of it; and the play of their lips and eyes did not help me at all.”

“I don’t know. I rarely talked to them—they meant nothing to me. I only saw them as something to look at from afar; their outfits and faces were often nice enough to look at: but I couldn’t understand what they were saying, nor could I read their expressions. When I overheard bits of their conversations, I could never grasp much of it; and the movement of their lips and eyes didn’t help me at all.”

“That was your fault, not theirs. There are sensible, as well as handsome women in X——; women it is worth any man’s while to talk to, and with whom I can talk with pleasure: but you had and have no pleasant address; there is nothing in you to induce a woman to be affable. I have remarked you sitting near the door in a room full of company, bent on hearing, not on speaking; on observing, not on entertaining; looking frigidly shy at the commencement of a party, confusingly vigilant about the middle, and insultingly weary towards the end. Is that the way, do you think, ever to communicate pleasure or excite interest? No; and if you are generally unpopular, it is because you deserve to be so.”

"That was your fault, not theirs. There are smart and attractive women in X——; women worth any man’s time to talk to, and I can enjoy talking with them: but you have never had a pleasant way about you; there’s nothing in you that would make a woman want to be friendly. I've noticed you sitting by the door in a crowded room, focused on listening rather than speaking; observing rather than entertaining; looking stiffly shy at the start of a party, nervously alert in the middle, and annoyingly bored by the end. Do you really think that's a way to bring joy or spark interest? No; and if you’re generally unpopular, it’s because you’ve earned it."

“Content!” I ejaculated.

"Content!" I exclaimed.

“No, you are not content; you see beauty always turning its back on you; you are mortified and then you sneer. I verily believe all that is desirable on earth—wealth, reputation, love—will for ever to you be the ripe grapes on the high trellis: you’ll look up at them; they will tantalize in you the lust of the eye; but they are out of reach: you have not the address to fetch a ladder, and you’ll go away calling them sour.”

“No, you’re not satisfied; you see beauty constantly evading you; you feel ashamed and then you scoff. I truly believe that everything desirable on earth—wealth, reputation, love—will always be to you like ripe grapes on a high trellis: you’ll look up at them; they’ll tease you with the desire to have them; but they’re out of reach: you don’t know how to get a ladder, and you’ll leave claiming they’re sour.”

Cutting as these words might have been under some circumstances, they drew no blood now. My life was changed; my experience had been varied since I left X——, but Hunsden could not know this; he had seen me only in the character of Mr. Crimsworth’s clerk—a dependant amongst wealthy strangers, meeting disdain with a hard front, conscious of an unsocial and unattractive exterior, refusing to sue for notice which I was sure would be withheld, declining to evince an admiration which I knew would be scorned as worthless. He could not be aware that since then youth and loveliness had been to me everyday objects; that I had studied them at leisure and closely, and had seen the plain texture of truth under the embroidery of appearance; nor could he, keen-sighted as he was, penetrate into my heart, search my brain, and read my peculiar sympathies and antipathies; he had not known me long enough, or well enough, to perceive how low my feelings would ebb under some influences, powerful over most minds; how high, how fast they would flow under other influences, that perhaps acted with the more intense force on me, because they acted on me alone. Neither could he suspect for an instant the history of my communications with Mdlle. Reuter; secret to him and to all others was the tale of her strange infatuation; her blandishments, her wiles had been seen but by me, and to me only were they known; but they had changed me, for they had proved that I could impress. A sweeter secret nestled deeper in my heart; one full of tenderness and as full of strength: it took the sting out of Hunsden’s sarcasm; it kept me unbent by shame, and unstirred by wrath. But of all this I could say nothing—nothing decisive at least; uncertainty sealed my lips, and during the interval of silence by which alone I replied to Mr. Hunsden, I made up my mind to be for the present wholly misjudged by him, and misjudged I was; he thought he had been rather too hard upon me, and that I was crushed by the weight of his upbraidings; so to re-assure me he said, doubtless I should mend some day; I was only at the beginning of life yet; and since happily I was not quite without sense, every false step I made would be a good lesson.

Cutting as those words might have been in some situations, they didn’t hurt me now. My life had changed; my experiences had varied since I left X——, but Hunsden couldn’t know this; he had only seen me as Mr. Crimsworth’s clerk—a dependent among wealthy strangers, facing disdain with a tough exterior, aware of my unsocial and unappealing looks, refusing to seek attention that I was certain would be denied, and unwilling to show admiration that I knew would be dismissed as worthless. He couldn’t know that since then, youth and beauty had become everyday sights for me; I had studied them at my own pace and in detail, and had seen the plain texture of truth beneath the decoration of appearances; nor could he, as sharp-eyed as he was, look into my heart, probe my mind, and understand my unique feelings and dislikes; he didn’t know me long enough or well enough to realize how low my emotions could sink under certain influences that affected most people; how high and how quickly they could rise under different influences that perhaps impacted me more intensely because they acted solely on me. He couldn’t even suspect the history of my interactions with Mdlle. Reuter; her strange infatuation remained a secret to him and everyone else; her charm and her tricks were things only I had witnessed, and only I understood them; yet they had changed me, for they had shown me that I *could* make an impression. A sweeter secret lay deeper in my heart; one filled with tenderness and strength: it dulled the sting of Hunsden’s sarcasm; it kept me from being bent by shame and stirred by anger. But I couldn’t say any of this—nothing definite anyway; uncertainty kept me silent, and during the quiet moment in which I responded to Mr. Hunsden, I decided to let him misjudge me for now, and misjudged I was; he thought he had been a bit too harsh with me, believing I was crushed by the weight of his criticism; so to reassure me, he said that I would surely improve one day; I was only at the start of my life; and since I fortunately wasn’t completely lacking in sense, every misstep I made would serve as a valuable lesson.

Just then I turned my face a little to the light; the approach of twilight, and my position in the window-seat, had, for the last ten minutes, prevented him from studying my countenance; as I moved, however, he caught an expression which he thus interpreted:—

Just then I turned my face a bit towards the light; the coming of twilight and my spot in the window seat had, for the last ten minutes, stopped him from seeing my face. But as I moved, he caught an expression that he interpreted like this:—

“Confound it! How doggedly self-approving the lad looks! I thought he was fit to die with shame, and there he sits grinning smiles, as good as to say, ‘Let the world wag as it will, I’ve the philosopher’s stone in my waist-coat pocket, and the elixir of life in my cupboard; I’m independent of both Fate and Fortune.’”

“Damn it! That kid looks so self-satisfied! I thought he’d be dying of embarrassment, and there he is, grinning like he’s saying, ‘Let the world turn as it wants, I’ve got the philosopher’s stone in my pocket and the elixir of life in my cupboard; I don’t need Fate or Fortune.’”

“Hunsden—you spoke of grapes; I was thinking of a fruit I like better than your X—— hot-house grapes—an unique fruit, growing wild, which I have marked as my own, and hope one day to gather and taste. It is of no use your offering me the draught of bitterness, or threatening me with death by thirst: I have the anticipation of sweetness on my palate; the hope of freshness on my lips; I can reject the unsavoury, and endure the exhausting.”

“Hunsden—you mentioned grapes; I was thinking about a fruit I like more than your X—— hot-house grapes—it's a unique fruit that grows wild, which I've claimed as my own, and I hope to gather and taste one day. It’s pointless for you to offer me a bitter drink or threaten me with death by thirst: I can practically taste the sweetness; I have the hope of freshness on my lips; I can turn away the unpleasant and push through the tiring.”

“For how long?”

"How long?"

“Till the next opportunity for effort; and as the prize of success will be a treasure after my own heart, I’ll bring a bull’s strength to the struggle.”

“Until the next chance to try again; and since the reward for success will be a treasure I truly desire, I’ll bring all my strength to the fight.”

“Bad luck crushes bulls as easily as bullaces; and, I believe, the fury dogs you: you were born with a wooden spoon in your mouth, depend on it.”

“Bad luck takes down strong people just as easily as it does the weak; and, I believe, anger follows you around: you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, count on it.”

“I believe you; and I mean to make my wooden spoon do the work of some people’s silver ladles: grasped firmly, and handled nimbly, even a wooden spoon will shovel up broth.”

“I believe you, and I plan to use my wooden spoon to do the job of some people's silver ladles: when held tightly and used skillfully, even a wooden spoon can scoop up broth.”

Hunsden rose: “I see,” said he; “I suppose you’re one of those who develop best unwatched, and act best unaided—work your own way. Now, I’ll go.” And, without another word, he was going; at the door he turned:—

Hunsden stood up: “I get it,” he said; “I guess you’re one of those people who do best when no one’s watching and who work better alone—find your own path. Well, I’m off.” And without saying anything else, he started to leave; at the door, he paused:—

“Crimsworth Hall is sold,” said he.

“Crimsworth Hall is sold,” he said.

“Sold!” was my echo.

"Sold!" was my response.

“Yes; you know, of course, that your brother failed three months ago?”

“Yes; you know, of course, that your brother passed away three months ago?”

“What! Edward Crimsworth?”

"What! Edward Crimsworth?"

“Precisely; and his wife went home to her father’s; when affairs went awry, his temper sympathized with them; he used her ill; I told you he would be a tyrant to her some day; as to him—”

“Exactly; and his wife went back to her father's place; when things went wrong, his mood matched it; he treated her poorly; I told you he would be a bully to her eventually; as for him—”

“Ay, as to him—what is become of him?”

"Aye, what has happened to him?"

“Nothing extraordinary—don’t be alarmed; he put himself under the protection of the court, compounded with his creditors—tenpence in the pound; in six weeks set up again, coaxed back his wife, and is flourishing like a green bay-tree.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary—don’t worry; he sought protection from the court, settled with his creditors—ten pence on the pound; in six weeks he was back on his feet, won his wife back, and is doing really well.”

“And Crimsworth Hall—was the furniture sold too?”

“And was the furniture at Crimsworth Hall sold too?”

“Everything—from the grand piano down to the rolling-pin.”

“Everything—from the grand piano to the rolling pin.”

“And the contents of the oak dining-room—were they sold?”

“And was the stuff in the oak dining room sold?”

“Of course; why should the sofas and chairs of that room be held more sacred than those of any other?”

“Of course; why should the sofas and chairs in that room be considered more special than those in any other?”

“And the pictures?”

"And what about the photos?"

“What pictures? Crimsworth had no special collection that I know of—he did not profess to be an amateur.”

“What pictures? Crimsworth didn’t have any particular collection that I know of—he didn’t claim to be an enthusiast.”

“There were two portraits, one on each side the mantelpiece; you cannot have forgotten them, Mr. Hunsden; you once noticed that of the lady—”

“There were two portraits, one on each side of the mantelpiece; you can't have forgotten them, Mr. Hunsden; you once commented on that of the lady—”

“Oh, I know—the thin-faced gentlewoman with a shawl put on like drapery. Why, as a matter of course, it would be sold among the other things. If you had been rich, you might have bought it, for I remember you said it represented your mother: you see what it is to be without a sou.”

“Oh, I know—the thin-faced lady with a shawl draped over her like fabric. Of course, it would be sold along with the other items. If you had been wealthy, you could have bought it, because I remember you said it reminded you of your mother: that’s what it’s like to be broke.”

I did. “But surely,” I thought to myself, “I shall not always be so poverty-stricken; I may one day buy it back yet. Who purchased it? do you know?” I asked.

I did. “But surely,” I thought to myself, “I won’t always be this broke; I might be able to buy it back one day. Who bought it? Do you know?” I asked.

“How is it likely? I never inquired who purchased anything; there spoke the unpractical man—to imagine all the world is interested in what interests himself! Now, good night—I’m off for Germany to-morrow morning; I shall be back here in six weeks, and possibly I may call and see you again; I wonder whether you’ll be still out of place!” he laughed, as mockingly, as heartlessly as Mephistopheles, and so laughing, vanished.

“How could that be? I never asked who bought anything; there spoke the impractical person—thinking everyone cares about what matters to him! Well, good night—I’m leaving for Germany tomorrow morning; I’ll be back here in six weeks, and maybe I’ll stop by to see you again; I wonder if you’ll still feel out of place!” he laughed, mockingly and heartlessly like Mephistopheles, and with that laugh, he disappeared.

Some people, however indifferent they may become after a considerable space of absence, always contrive to leave a pleasant impression just at parting; not so Hunsden, a conference with him affected one like a draught of Peruvian bark; it seemed a concentration of the specially harsh, stringent, bitter; whether, like bark, it invigorated, I scarcely knew.

Some people, no matter how indifferent they might be after being away for a while, always manage to leave a good impression when they say goodbye. Hunsden wasn’t one of those people; talking to him felt like taking a dose of bitter medicine. It was a strong, harsh experience that left you feeling unsettled; whether it made you stronger, I could hardly say.

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow; I slept little on the night after this interview; towards morning I began to doze, but hardly had my slumber become sleep, when I was roused from it by hearing a noise in my sitting room, to which my bed-room adjoined—a step, and a shoving of furniture; the movement lasted barely two minutes; with the closing of the door it ceased. I listened; not a mouse stirred; perhaps I had dreamt it; perhaps a locataire had made a mistake, and entered my apartment instead of his own. It was yet but five o’clock; neither I nor the day were wide awake; I turned, and was soon unconscious. When I did rise, about two hours later, I had forgotten the circumstance; the first thing I saw, however, on quitting my chamber, recalled it; just pushed in at the door of my sitting-room, and still standing on end, was a wooden packing-case—a rough deal affair, wide but shallow; a porter had doubtless shoved it forward, but seeing no occupant of the room, had left it at the entrance.

A restless mind makes for a restless sleep; I barely slept the night after this interview. Toward morning, I started to doze off, but just as I was drifting into deep sleep, I was jolted awake by a noise in my sitting room, which was next to my bedroom—a step and some furniture being moved. The commotion lasted barely two minutes, and it stopped with the sound of a door closing. I listened; not even a mouse was stirring; maybe it was just a dream; perhaps a tenant had mistakenly entered my apartment instead of his own. It was only five o’clock; neither I nor the day were fully awake yet, so I turned over and soon fell asleep again. When I finally got up about two hours later, I had forgotten all about it; however, the first thing I noticed when I left my room brought it all back. Just pushed in at the door of my sitting room, still standing upright, was a wooden packing case—a rough deal, wide but shallow. A porter had likely pushed it in, but seeing no one in the room, had left it at the entrance.

“That is none of mine,” thought I, approaching; “it must be meant for somebody else.” I stooped to examine the address:—

“That’s not my business,” I thought as I got closer; “it must be intended for someone else.” I bent down to check the address:—

“Wm. Crimsworth, Esq., No —, — St., Brussels.”

"William Crimsworth, Esq., No —, — St., Brussels."

I was puzzled, but concluding that the best way to obtain information was to ask within, I cut the cords and opened the case. Green baize enveloped its contents, sewn carefully at the sides; I ripped the pack-thread with my pen-knife, and still, as the seam gave way, glimpses of gilding appeared through the widening interstices. Boards and baize being at length removed, I lifted from the case a large picture, in a magnificent frame; leaning it against a chair, in a position where the light from the window fell favourably upon it, I stepped back—already I had mounted my spectacles. A portrait-painter’s sky (the most sombre and threatening of welkins), and distant trees of a conventional depth of hue, raised in full relief a pale, pensive-looking female face, shadowed with soft dark hair, almost blending with the equally dark clouds; large, solemn eyes looked reflectively into mine; a thin cheek rested on a delicate little hand; a shawl, artistically draped, half hid, half showed a slight figure. A listener (had there been one) might have heard me, after ten minutes’ silent gazing, utter the word “Mother!” I might have said more—but with me, the first word uttered aloud in soliloquy rouses consciousness; it reminds me that only crazy people talk to themselves, and then I think out my monologue, instead of speaking it. I had thought a long while, and a long while had contemplated the intelligence, the sweetness, and—alas! the sadness also of those fine, grey eyes, the mental power of that forehead, and the rare sensibility of that serious mouth, when my glance, travelling downwards, fell on a narrow billet, stuck in the corner of the picture, between the frame and the canvas. Then I first asked, “Who sent this picture? Who thought of me, saved it out of the wreck of Crimsworth Hall, and now commits it to the care of its natural keeper?” I took the note from its niche; thus it spoke:—

I was confused, but deciding that the best way to get information was to ask directly, I cut the cords and opened the case. Green fabric covered its contents, stitched carefully at the sides; I sliced through the thread with my penknife, and as the seam opened, glimpses of gold appeared through the widening gaps. Once the boards and fabric were finally removed, I pulled out a large picture, framed beautifully; I leaned it against a chair in a way that let the light from the window illuminate it nicely, and stepped back—I'd already put on my glasses. The background was a gloomy, painterly sky and distant trees in a conventional shade, which contrasted sharply with a pale, thoughtful-looking female face, framed by soft dark hair that almost blended with the equally dark clouds; her large, serious eyes gazed deeply into mine; a thin cheek rested gently on a delicate hand; a shawl, artistically draped, half concealed and half revealed a slender figure. If someone had been listening, they might have heard me, after ten minutes of silent staring, say the word “Mother!” I might have said more—but for me, the first word spoken aloud in solitude brings me back to reality; it reminds me that only crazy people talk to themselves, and then I end up thinking through my monologue instead of saying it out loud. I had thought for a long time, reflecting on the intelligence, sweetness, and—sadly—the sorrow in those fine, grey eyes, the mental strength in that forehead, and the rare sensitivity of that serious mouth when my gaze, shifting downward, caught sight of a narrow note tucked in the corner of the picture, between the frame and the canvas. Then I wondered for the first time, “Who sent this picture? Who remembered me, saved it from the wreckage of Crimsworth Hall, and now trusts it to its rightful keeper?” I took the note from its spot; this is what it said:—

“There is a sort of stupid pleasure in giving a child sweets, a fool his bells, a dog a bone. You are repaid by seeing the child besmear his face with sugar; by witnessing how the fool’s ecstasy makes a greater fool of him than ever; by watching the dog’s nature come out over his bone. In giving William Crimsworth his mother’s picture, I give him sweets, bells, and bone all in one; what grieves me is, that I cannot behold the result; I would have added five shillings more to my bid if the auctioneer could only have promised me that pleasure.

“There’s a certain silly joy in giving a child candy, a fool his bells, or a dog a bone. You feel rewarded by seeing the child cover his face with sugar, by noticing how the fool's happiness makes him look even more foolish, and by watching the dog's true nature come out with his bone. By giving William Crimsworth his mother’s picture, I'm giving him candy, bells, and a bone all at once; what makes me sad is that I can’t witness the outcome. I would’ve added five more shillings to my bid if the auctioneer could have promised me that joy.”

“H. Y. H.

H.Y.H.

“P.S.—You said last night you positively declined adding another item to your account with me; don’t you think I’ve saved you that trouble?”

“P.S.—You said last night that you definitely didn’t want to add anything else to your account with me; don’t you think I’ve saved you the hassle?”

I muffled the picture in its green baize covering, restored it to the case, and having transported the whole concern to my bed-room, put it out of sight under my bed. My pleasure was now poisoned by pungent pain; I determined to look no more till I could look at my ease. If Hunsden had come in at that moment, I should have said to him, “I owe you nothing, Hunsden—not a fraction of a farthing: you have paid yourself in taunts!”

I covered the picture with its green cloth, put it back in the case, and after carrying everything to my bedroom, I hid it under my bed. My enjoyment was now tainted by sharp pain; I decided not to look again until I could do so peacefully. If Hunsden had walked in at that moment, I would have said to him, “I owe you nothing, Hunsden—not even a penny: you’ve paid yourself with your insults!”

Too anxious to remain any longer quiescent, I had no sooner breakfasted, than I repaired once more to M. Vandenhuten’s, scarcely hoping to find him at home; for a week had barely elapsed since my first call: but fancying I might be able to glean information as to the time when his return was expected. A better result awaited me than I had anticipated, for though the family were yet at Ostend, M. Vandenhuten had come over to Brussels on business for the day. He received me with the quiet kindness of a sincere though not excitable man. I had not sat five minutes alone with him in his bureau, before I became aware of a sense of ease in his presence, such as I rarely experienced with strangers. I was surprised at my own composure, for, after all, I had come on business to me exceedingly painful—that of soliciting a favour. I asked on what basis the calm rested—I feared it might be deceptive. Ere long I caught a glimpse of the ground, and at once I felt assured of its solidity; I knew where it was.

Too anxious to stay quiet any longer, I had barely finished breakfast when I headed back to M. Vandenhuten’s place, hardly expecting to find him home since it hadn’t been a week since my first visit. But I thought I might be able to find out when he was expected to return. I ended up having a better experience than I expected because, even though the family was still in Ostend, M. Vandenhuten had come to Brussels for the day on business. He welcomed me with the calm kindness of someone sincere but not overly emotional. I hadn’t been alone with him in his office for more than five minutes when I started to feel a sense of ease around him, something I rarely felt with strangers. I was surprised by my own calmness because, after all, I had come to discuss something that was incredibly uncomfortable for me—asking for a favor. I wondered what was behind this calm—I worried it might be misleading. Soon enough, I started to understand its foundation, and I immediately felt assured of its reliability; I knew where I stood.

M. Vandenhuten was rich, respected, and influential; I, poor, despised and powerless; so we stood to the world at large as members of the world’s society; but to each other, as a pair of human beings, our positions were reversed. The Dutchman (he was not Flamand, but pure Hollandais) was slow, cool, of rather dense intelligence, though sound and accurate judgment; the Englishman far more nervous, active, quicker both to plan and to practise, to conceive and to realize. The Dutchman was benevolent, the Englishman susceptible; in short our characters dovetailed, but my mind having more fire and action than his, instinctively assumed and kept the predominance.

M. Vandenhuten was wealthy, respected, and influential; I was poor, looked down upon, and powerless. To the outside world, we represented different ends of society; but to each other, our roles were completely flipped. The Dutchman (he wasn't Flemish but purely Dutch) was slow, calm, and had a somewhat dense intelligence, though he had sound and accurate judgment. The Englishman was much more anxious, active, quicker to plan and execute, to imagine and to bring ideas to life. The Dutchman was kind, while the Englishman was sensitive; in short, our personalities complemented each other, but since I had more energy and drive than he did, I instinctively took the lead.

This point settled, and my position well ascertained, I addressed him on the subject of my affairs with that genuine frankness which full confidence can alone inspire. It was a pleasure to him to be so appealed to; he thanked me for giving him this opportunity of using a little exertion in my behalf. I went on to explain to him that my wish was not so much to be helped, as to be put into the way of helping myself; of him I did not want exertion—that was to be my part—but only information and recommendation. Soon after I rose to go. He held out his hand at parting—an action of greater significance with foreigners than with Englishmen. As I exchanged a smile with him, I thought the benevolence of his truthful face was better than the intelligence of my own. Characters of my order experience a balm-like solace in the contact of such souls as animated the honest breast of Victor Vandenhuten.

Once we settled this point and I clearly understood my position, I spoke to him about my situation with genuine honesty that only real confidence can bring. He appreciated being approached this way and thanked me for giving him the chance to help me out a bit. I went on to explain that my goal wasn’t so much to be helped as it was to learn how to help myself; I didn’t need him to take action—that was my responsibility—but I only needed information and recommendations. Soon after, I stood up to leave. He extended his hand to say goodbye—an action that means more with foreigners than with the English. As I exchanged a smile with him, I felt that the kindness of his sincere face was more appealing than my own intelligence. People like me find a soothing comfort in the presence of genuine souls like Victor Vandenhuten’s honest heart.

The next fortnight was a period of many alternations; my existence during its lapse resembled a sky of one of those autumnal nights which are specially haunted by meteors and falling stars. Hopes and fears, expectations and disappointments, descended in glancing showers from zenith to horizon; but all were transient, and darkness followed swift each vanishing apparition. M. Vandenhuten aided me faithfully; he set me on the track of several places, and himself made efforts to secure them for me; but for a long time solicitation and recommendation were vain—the door either shut in my face when I was about to walk in, or another candidate, entering before me, rendered my further advance useless. Feverish and roused, no disappointment arrested me; defeat following fast on defeat served as stimulants to will. I forgot fastidiousness, conquered reserve, thrust pride from me: I asked, I persevered, I remonstrated, I dunned. It is so that openings are forced into the guarded circle where Fortune sits dealing favours round. My perseverance made me known; my importunity made me remarked. I was inquired about; my former pupils’ parents, gathering the reports of their children, heard me spoken of as talented, and they echoed the word: the sound, bandied about at random, came at last to ears which, but for its universality, it might never have reached; and at the very crisis when I had tried my last effort and knew not what to do, Fortune looked in at me one morning, as I sat in drear and almost desperate deliberation on my bedstead, nodded with the familiarity of an old acquaintance—though God knows I had never met her before—and threw a prize into my lap.

The next two weeks were full of ups and downs; my life during that time felt like one of those autumn nights, especially vibrant with meteors and shooting stars. Hopes and fears, expectations and disappointments, fell in fleeting bursts from the sky; but they were all temporary, and darkness quickly followed each disappearing sight. M. Vandenhuten supported me faithfully; he pointed me toward several opportunities and even tried to secure them for me. However, for a long time, my attempts at persuasion and recommendations were useless—the door would either close in my face just as I was about to enter, or another candidate would come in before me, making my efforts pointless. Restless and motivated, no disappointment could deter me; one defeat after another only fueled my determination. I let go of my pickiness, overcame my reticence, and set aside my pride: I asked, I pressed on, I protested, I demanded. That's how opportunities are created in the guarded space where Fortune hands out favors. My persistence made me recognized; my insistence made me notable. People started to inquire about me; the parents of my former students, gathering feedback from their children, heard me referred to as talented, and they started to repeat that word. The sound, tossed around casually, eventually reached ears that, without its widespread mention, may never have listened; and at the critical moment when I had exhausted my last effort and didn’t know what to do, Fortune visited me one morning, as I sat in gloomy and almost desperate thought on my bed, nodded like an old friend—though God knows I had never met her before—and dropped a prize into my lap.

In the second week of October, 18—, I got the appointment of English professor to all the classes of —— College, Brussels, with a salary of three thousand francs per annum; and the certainty of being able, by dint of the reputation and publicity accompanying the position, to make as much more by private means. The official notice, which communicated this information, mentioned also that it was the strong recommendation of M. Vandenhuten, negociant, which had turned the scale of choice in my favour.

In the second week of October, 18—, I was appointed as the English professor for all the classes at —— College in Brussels, with a salary of three thousand francs a year; and I was confident that, thanks to the reputation and visibility that came with the position, I could earn even more through private opportunities. The official notice that conveyed this information also stated that it was the strong recommendation of M. Vandenhuten, a businessman, that tipped the scales in my favor.

No sooner had I read the announcement than I hurried to M. Vandenhuten’s bureau, pushed the document under his nose, and when he had perused it, took both his hands, and thanked him with unrestrained vivacity. My vivid words and emphatic gesture moved his Dutch calm to unwonted sensation. He said he was happy—glad to have served me; but he had done nothing meriting such thanks. He had not laid out a centime—only scratched a few words on a sheet of paper.

As soon as I read the announcement, I rushed to M. Vandenhuten’s office, shoved the document in front of him, and after he read it, I took both his hands and thanked him with genuine enthusiasm. My animated words and enthusiastic gesture stirred his usual calm in an unexpected way. He said he was happy—glad to have helped me; but he felt he hadn’t done anything to deserve such gratitude. He hadn’t spent a dime—just scribbled a few words on a piece of paper.

Again I repeated to him—

I told him again—

“You have made me quite happy, and in a way that suits me; I do not feel an obligation irksome, conferred by your kind hand; I do not feel disposed to shun you because you have done me a favour; from this day you must consent to admit me to your intimate acquaintance, for I shall hereafter recur again and again to the pleasure of your society.”

“You have made me really happy, and in a way that feels right for me; I don’t feel burdened by any obligation you’ve placed on me; I don’t feel like avoiding you just because you’ve helped me; from this day on, you have to agree to let me get to know you better, because I will keep coming back to the joy of your company.”

“Ainsi soit-il,” was the reply, accompanied by a smile of benignant content. I went away with its sunshine in my heart.

“Let it be so,” was the reply, along with a smile of gentle satisfaction. I walked away with its warmth in my heart.

CHAPTER XXIII

IT was two o’clock when I returned to my lodgings; my dinner, just brought in from a neighbouring hotel, smoked on the table; I sat down thinking to eat—had the plate been heaped with potsherds and broken glass, instead of boiled beef and haricots, I could not have made a more signal failure: appetite had forsaken me. Impatient of seeing food which I could not taste, I put it all aside into a cupboard, and then demanded, “What shall I do till evening?” for before six P.M. it would be vain to seek the Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges; its inhabitant (for me it had but one) was detained by her vocation elsewhere. I walked in the streets of Brussels, and I walked in my own room from two o’clock till six; never once in that space of time did I sit down. I was in my chamber when the last-named hour struck; I had just bathed my face and feverish hands, and was standing near the glass; my cheek was crimson, my eye was flame, still all my features looked quite settled and calm. Descending swiftly the stair and stepping out, I was glad to see Twilight drawing on in clouds; such shade was to me like a grateful screen, and the chill of latter Autumn, breathing in a fitful wind from the north-west, met me as a refreshing coolness. Still I saw it was cold to others, for the women I passed were wrapped in shawls, and the men had their coats buttoned close.

It was two o'clock when I got back to my place; my dinner, just brought in from a nearby hotel, was steaming on the table. I sat down thinking I'd eat—if the plate had been filled with broken pottery and glass instead of boiled beef and green beans, I couldn’t have felt any more defeated: my appetite had left me. Frustrated by the food I couldn’t taste, I put it all away into a cupboard and asked myself, “What should I do until evening?” because before six PM, it would be pointless to head to Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges; its only resident (for me, it had just one) was busy with work elsewhere. I walked the streets of Brussels, and I walked around my room from two o'clock until six; not once during that time did I sit down. I was in my room when the hour struck; I had just washed my face and clammy hands and was standing in front of the mirror; my cheek was red, my eyes were blazing, yet all my features looked calm and composed. As I quickly went down the stairs and stepped outside, I was relieved to see twilight setting in with clouds; that shade felt like a welcome cover, and the chill of late autumn, breezing in from the north-west, greeted me with a refreshing coolness. Still, I noticed it was cold for others, as the women I passed were bundled up in shawls, and the men had their coats buttoned tightly.

When are we quite happy? Was I so then? No; an urgent and growing dread worried my nerves, and had worried them since the first moment good tidings had reached me. How was Frances? It was ten weeks since I had seen her, six since I had heard from her, or of her. I had answered her letter by a brief note, friendly but calm, in which no mention of continued correspondence or further visits was made. At that hour my bark hung on the topmost curl of a wave of fate, and I knew not on what shoal the onward rush of the billow might hurl it; I would not then attach her destiny to mine by the slightest thread; if doomed to split on the rock, or run aground on the sand-bank, I was resolved no other vessel should share my disaster: but six weeks was a long time; and could it be that she was still well and doing well? Were not all sages agreed in declaring that happiness finds no climax on earth? Dared I think that but half a street now divided me from the full cup of contentment—the draught drawn from waters said to flow only in heaven?

When are we truly happy? Was I happy back then? No; a constant and increasing anxiety had been gnawing at me since the moment I received the good news. How was Frances? It had been ten weeks since I last saw her and six weeks since I heard from her or about her. I had replied to her letter with a short note that was friendly but calm, making no mention of continued correspondence or further visits. At that moment, my fate was hanging on the peak of a wave, and I had no idea where it might take me; I didn't want to tie her future to mine with even the slightest connection. If I was meant to crash on the rocks or get stuck on a sandbank, I was determined that no other ship would share my fate. But six weeks is a long time, and could it be that she was still okay and doing well? Weren't all wise people saying that happiness has no peak on this earth? Did I dare to think that just half a street now separated me from complete happiness—the drink taken from waters that are said to flow only in paradise?

I was at the door; I entered the quiet house; I mounted the stairs; the lobby was void and still, all the doors closed; I looked for the neat green mat; it lay duly in its place.

I was at the door; I walked into the silent house; I went up the stairs; the lobby was empty and still, all the doors shut; I searched for the tidy green mat; it was right where it belonged.

“Signal of hope!” I said, and advanced. “But I will be a little calmer; I am not going to rush in, and get up a scene directly.” Forcibly staying my eager step, I paused on the mat.

“Signal of hope!” I said, and moved forward. “But I’ll take it easy; I’m not going to rush in and create a scene right away.” Making myself hold back my eager step, I paused on the mat.

“What an absolute hush! Is she in? Is anybody in?” I demanded to myself. A little tinkle, as of cinders falling from a grate, replied; a movement—a fire was gently stirred; and the slight rustle of life continuing, a step paced equably backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, in the apartment. Fascinated, I stood, more fixedly fascinated when a voice rewarded the attention of my strained ear—so low, so self-addressed, I never fancied the speaker otherwise than alone; solitude might speak thus in a desert, or in the hall of a forsaken house.

“What a complete silence! Is she here? Is anyone around?” I asked myself. A soft sound, like ashes falling from a fireplace, responded; a movement—a fire was softly stirred; and the faint rustle of life continued, a step paced steadily back and forth, back and forth, in the room. Captivated, I stood there, even more intrigued when a voice met the focus of my straining ear—so quiet, so self-directed, I couldn’t imagine the speaker to be anything but alone; solitude could speak this way in a desert or in the hallway of an abandoned house.

“‘And ne’er but once, my son,’ he said,
‘Was yon dark cavern trod;
In persecution’s iron days,
When the land was left by God.

“‘And only once, my son,’ he said,
“Did anyone visit that dark cave?”
In the harsh days of persecution,
When the land was forsaken by God.

From Bewley’s bog, with slaughter red,
A wanderer hither drew;
And oft he stopp’d and turn’d his head,
As by fits the night-winds blew.

From Bewley’s bog, stained with blood,
A traveler passed by;
And often he paused and looked back,
As the night winds blew in strong bursts.

For trampling round by Cheviot-edge
Were heard the troopers keen;
And frequent from the Whitelaw ridge
The death-shot flash’d between.’” &c. &c.

For roaming around Cheviot-edge
We could hear the loud soldiers;
And often from the Whitelaw ridge
The fatal shot fired through." &c. &c.

The old Scotch ballad was partly recited, then dropt; a pause ensued; then another strain followed, in French, of which the purport, translated, ran as follows:—

The old Scottish ballad was partly sung, then stopped; there was a pause; then another verse came in French, which, when translated, meant the following:—

I gave, at first, attention close;
Then interest warm ensued;
From interest, as improvement rose,
Succeeded gratitude.

I focused closely at first;
Then a warm interest emerged;
As I grew more interested, my appreciation developed;
Next came gratitude.

Obedience was no effort soon,
And labour was no pain;
If tired, a word, a glance alone
Would give me strength again.

Obedience took no effort soon,
And work brought no stress;
If I felt tired, just a word, a glance alone
Would restore my strength again.

From others of the studious band,
Ere long he singled me;
But only by more close demand,
And sterner urgency.

From others of the studious group,
Soon he picked me;
But only through a closer request,
And stronger insistence.

The task he from another took,
From me he did reject;
He would no slight omission brook,
And suffer no defect.

The task he took from someone else,
He turned me down;
He wouldn’t tolerate any small mistake,
And wouldn’t allow any mistakes.

If my companions went astray,
He scarce their wanderings blam’d;
If I but falter’d in the way,
His anger fiercely flam’d.

If my friends went off course,
He barely blamed their straying;
If I just stumbled on the path,
His anger burned hot.

Something stirred in an adjoining chamber; it would not do to be surprised eaves-dropping; I tapped hastily, and as hastily entered. Frances was just before me; she had been walking slowly in her room, and her step was checked by my advent: Twilight only was with her, and tranquil, ruddy Firelight; to these sisters, the Bright and the Dark, she had been speaking, ere I entered, in poetry. Sir Walter Scott’s voice, to her a foreign, far-off sound, a mountain echo, had uttered itself in the first stanzas; the second, I thought, from the style and the substance, was the language of her own heart. Her face was grave, its expression concentrated; she bent on me an unsmiling eye—an eye just returning from abstraction, just awaking from dreams: well-arranged was her simple attire, smooth her dark hair, orderly her tranquil room; but what—with her thoughtful look, her serious self-reliance, her bent to meditation and haply inspiration—what had she to do with love? “Nothing,” was the answer of her own sad, though gentle countenance; it seemed to say, “I must cultivate fortitude and cling to poetry; one is to be my support and the other my solace through life. Human affections do not bloom, nor do human passions glow for me.” Other women have such thoughts. Frances, had she been as desolate as she deemed, would not have been worse off than thousands of her sex. Look at the rigid and formal race of old maids—the race whom all despise; they have fed themselves, from youth upwards, on maxims of resignation and endurance. Many of them get ossified with the dry diet; self-control is so continually their thought, so perpetually their object, that at last it absorbs the softer and more agreeable qualities of their nature; and they die mere models of austerity, fashioned out of a little parchment and much bone. Anatomists will tell you that there is a heart in the withered old maid’s carcass—the same as in that of any cherished wife or proud mother in the land. Can this be so? I really don’t know; but feel inclined to doubt it.

Something stirred in the next room; I couldn’t risk being caught eavesdropping, so I tapped quickly and entered just as quickly. Frances was right in front of me; she had been walking slowly in her room, and my arrival interrupted her. Only the twilight and the warm firelight were with her; she had been speaking to these two sisters, the Bright and the Dark, in poetry before I came in. Sir Walter Scott’s voice, which sounded distant and strange to her, like a mountain echo, had spoken in the first stanzas; the second, from its style and substance, felt like it came from her own heart. Her face was serious, focused; she looked at me with an unsmiling gaze—an eye just coming back from deep thought, just awakening from dreams: her simple outfit was neatly arranged, her dark hair smooth, her room tidy; but what—given her thoughtful expression, her serious self-reliance, her inclination for reflection and maybe inspiration—did she have to do with love? “Nothing,” her own sad yet gentle face seemed to say; it suggested, “I need to develop strength and hold on to poetry; one will be my support and the other my comfort throughout life. Human affections don’t blossom, nor do human passions ignite for me.” Other women have similar thoughts. Frances, even if she felt as lonely as she thought, wouldn’t be worse off than thousands of women like her. Look at the strict and formal lives of old maids—those whom everyone looks down upon; they have fed themselves on teachings of resignation and endurance since they were young. Many become so rigid from this dry diet; self-control is their constant focus, their perpetual goal, that eventually it drains away the softer, more enjoyable qualities of their character; and they end up as mere examples of austerity, made of a bit of skin and a lot of bone. Anatomists will tell you that a withered old maid has a heart just like that of any beloved wife or proud mother in the land. Is that true? I honestly don’t know; but I tend to doubt it.

I came forward, bade Frances “good evening,” and took my seat. The chair I had chosen was one she had probably just left; it stood by a little table where were her open desk and papers. I know not whether she had fully recognized me at first, but she did so now; and in a voice, soft but quiet, she returned my greeting. I had shown no eagerness; she took her cue from me, and evinced no surprise. We met as we had always met, as master and pupil—nothing more. I proceeded to handle the papers; Frances, observant and serviceable, stepped into an inner room, brought a candle, lit it, placed it by me; then drew the curtain over the lattice, and having added a little fresh fuel to the already bright fire, she drew a second chair to the table and sat down at my right hand, a little removed. The paper on the top was a translation of some grave French author into English, but underneath lay a sheet with stanzas; on this I laid hands. Frances half rose, made a movement to recover the captured spoil, saying, that was nothing—a mere copy of verses. I put by resistance with the decision I knew she never long opposed; but on this occasion her fingers had fastened on the paper. I had quietly to unloose them; their hold dissolved to my touch; her hand shrunk away; my own would fain have followed it, but for the present I forbade such impulse. The first page of the sheet was occupied with the lines I had overheard; the sequel was not exactly the writer’s own experience, but a composition by portions of that experience suggested. Thus while egotism was avoided, the fancy was exercised, and the heart satisfied. I translate as before, and my translation is nearly literal; it continued thus:—

I stepped forward, said “good evening” to Frances, and took my seat. The chair I chose was one she had probably just vacated; it was next to a small table with her open desk and papers. I don't know if she recognized me right away, but she did now; and in a soft yet quiet voice, she replied to my greeting. I showed no enthusiasm; she took her cue from me and didn’t appear surprised. We interacted as we always had, as teacher and student—nothing more. I began to sort through the papers; Frances, attentive and helpful, went into another room, brought back a candle, lit it, and placed it beside me; then she drew the curtain over the window, and having added a bit of fresh fuel to the already bright fire, she pulled a second chair to the table and sat down next to me, slightly apart. The top paper was a translation of a serious French author into English, but underneath was a sheet with verses; I began to examine it. Frances half stood up, made a move to reclaim the paper, saying it was nothing—a mere copy of poems. I pushed back against her resistance with the confidence I knew she wouldn’t contest for long; but this time her fingers were gripping the paper. I had to gently pry it from her grip; her hold loosened at my touch; her hand pulled away; mine wanted to follow, but for now, I held back that urge. The first page of the sheet had the lines I had overheard; the rest wasn’t exactly the writer’s own experience, but a creation based on parts of that experience. This way, while avoiding egotism, creativity was engaged, and the heart was fulfilled. I translated as before, and my translation is nearly literal; it continued like this:—

When sickness stay’d awhile my course,
He seem’d impatient still,
Because his pupil’s flagging force
Could not obey his will.

When illness held me back for a bit,
He still seemed anxious,
Because my waning strength
Couldn't follow his orders.

One day when summoned to the bed
Where pain and I did strive,
I heard him, as he bent his head,
Say, “God, she must revive!”

One day when I was called to the bed
Where pain and I were struggling,
I heard him, as he bowed his head,
Say, “God, she has to come back to life!”

I felt his hand, with gentle stress,
A moment laid on mine,
And wished to mark my consciousness
By some responsive sign.

I felt his hand, gently pressing,
A moment resting on me,
And wished to show my awareness
With some sort of response.

But pow’rless then to speak or move,
I only felt, within,
The sense of Hope, the strength of Love,
Their healing work begin.

But powerless then to speak or move,
I only felt inside,
The sense of Hope, the strength of Love,
Their healing work begins.

And as he from the room withdrew,
My heart his steps pursued;
I long’d to prove, by efforts new;
My speechless gratitude.

And as he left the room,
My heart traced his path;
I wanted to show, through new efforts;
My quiet thanks.

When once again I took my place,
Long vacant, in the class,
Th’ unfrequent smile across his face
Did for one moment pass.

When I took my spot again,
Long empty in class,
A rare smile crossed his face
For a moment.

The lessons done; the signal made
Of glad release and play,
He, as he passed, an instant stay’d,
One kindly word to say.

The lessons finished; the signal given
For joyful freedom and fun,
He, as he walked by, paused for a moment,
Just say a kind word, just one.

“Jane, till to-morrow you are free
From tedious task and rule;
This afternoon I must not see
That yet pale face in school.

“Jane, until tomorrow you're free
From tedious tasks and rules;
This afternoon I can't see
That still pale face at school.

“Seek in the garden-shades a seat,
Far from the play-ground din;
The sun is warm, the air is sweet:
Stay till I call you in.”

“Find a spot in the garden's shade,
Away from the noise of the playground;
The sun feels nice, the air is fresh:
"Stay here until I come to get you."

A long and pleasant afternoon
I passed in those green bowers;
All silent, tranquil, and alone
With birds, and bees, and flowers.

A long and enjoyable afternoon
I spent time in those green shelters;
All quiet, calm, and by myself
With birds, bees, and flowers.

Yet, when my master’s voice I heard
Call, from the window, “Jane!”
I entered, joyful, at the word,
The busy house again.

Yet, when I heard my master's voice
"Jane!" I called from the window.
I entered, happy at the call,
Back to the hectic house again.

He, in the hall, paced up and down;
He paused as I passed by;
His forehead stern relaxed its frown:
He raised his deep-set eye.

He was in the hall, walking back and forth;
He stopped as I walked past;
His serious expression softened a bit:
He lifted his intense stare.

“Not quite so pale,” he murmured low.
“Now Jane, go rest awhile.”
And as I smiled, his smoothened brow
Returned as glad a smile.

“Not quite so pale,” he murmured quietly.
"Hey Jane, go take a break."
And as I smiled, his relaxed brow
Gave back a big smile.

My perfect health restored, he took
His mien austere again;
And, as before, he would not brook
The slightest fault from Jane.

My perfect health back, he took
His serious vibe again;
And, like before, he wouldn’t tolerate
Jane's small mistake.

The longest task, the hardest theme
Fell to my share as erst,
And still I toiled to place my name
In every study first.

The longest task, the hardest theme
Fell to me like before,
And still I worked to make my name
At the top of every study.

He yet begrudged and stinted praise,
But I had learnt to read
The secret meaning of his face,
And that was my best meed.

He still held back and limited his praise,
But I had learned how to read.
The hidden meaning of his expression,
And that was my biggest reward.

Even when his hasty temper spoke
In tones that sorrow stirred,
My grief was lulled as soon as woke
By some relenting word.

Even when his quick temper spoke
In ways that brought about sadness,
My grief was eased as soon as I woke
With a kind word the next day.

And when he lent some precious book,
Or gave some fragrant flower,
I did not quail to Envy’s look,
Upheld by Pleasure’s power.

And when he lent me a valuable book,
Or gave me a beautiful flower,
I didn't flinch at Envy’s gaze,
Powered by Pleasure’s strength.

At last our school ranks took their ground,
The hard-fought field I won;
The prize, a laurel-wreath, was bound
My throbbing forehead on.

At last, our school ranks took their place,
The hard-won field I conquered;
The prize, a laurel wreath, was placed
On my pounding forehead.

Low at my master’s knee I bent,
The offered crown to meet;
Its green leaves through my temples sent
A thrill as wild as sweet.

Low at my master’s knee I bent,
The offered crown to meet;
Its green leaves through my temples sent
A thrill that’s both wild and sweet.

The strong pulse of Ambition struck
In every vein I owned;
At the same instant, bleeding broke
A secret, inward wound.

The powerful beat of Ambition hit
In every vein I had;
At the same moment, bleeding began
An unseen, internal hurt.

The hour of triumph was to me
The hour of sorrow sore;
A day hence I must cross the sea,
Ne’er to recross it more.

The hour of victory was for me
The time of deep sorrow;
In a day I must cross the sea,
Never coming back again.

An hour hence, in my master’s room
I with him sat alone,
And told him what a dreary gloom
O’er joy had parting thrown.

An hour later, in my master’s room
I was sitting alone with him,
And shared how a heavy sadness
Had overshadowed joy.

He little said; the time was brief,
The ship was soon to sail,
And while I sobbed in bitter grief,
My master but looked pale.

He said very little; the time was short,
The ship was just about to depart,
And while I cried in deep sorrow,
My boss just looked pale.

They called in haste; he bade me go,
Then snatched me back again;
He held me fast and murmured low,
“Why will they part us, Jane?”

They called quickly; he told me to go,
Then pulled me back again;
He held me tight and whispered softly,
"Why do they want to keep us apart, Jane?"

“Were you not happy in my care?
Did I not faithful prove?
Will others to my darling bear
As true, as deep a love?

“Weren't you happy with me?
Did I not show my loyalty?
Will others love my darling
As sincerely and intensely as I did?

“O God, watch o’er my foster child!
O guard her gentle head!
When minds are high and tempests wild
Protection round her spread!

“O God, watch over my foster child!
O guard her precious head!
When thoughts are deep and tempests rage
Keep her safe under your protection!

“They call again; leave then my breast;
Quit thy true shelter, Jane;
But when deceived, repulsed, opprest,
Come home to me again!”

“They call again; then leave my heart;
Leave your real safe space, Jane;
But when you’re hurt, rejected, overwhelmed,
“Come back to me!”

I read—then dreamily made marks on the margin with my pencil; thinking all the while of other things; thinking that “Jane” was now at my side; no child, but a girl of nineteen; and she might be mine, so my heart affirmed; Poverty’s curse was taken off me; Envy and Jealousy were far away, and unapprized of this our quiet meeting; the frost of the Master’s manner might melt; I felt the thaw coming fast, whether I would or not; no further need for the eye to practise a hard look, for the brow to compress its expanse into a stern fold: it was now permitted to suffer the outward revelation of the inward glow—to seek, demand, elicit an answering ardour. While musing thus, I thought that the grass on Hermon never drank the fresh dews of sunset more gratefully than my feelings drank the bliss of this hour.

I read—and then absentmindedly made marks in the margins with my pencil; thinking about all sorts of other things; imagining that “Jane” was now beside me; not a child, but a girl of nineteen; and she might be mine, as my heart insisted; the burden of poverty was lifted from me; envy and jealousy were far away, unaware of our quiet meeting; the coldness of the Master’s attitude might soften; I felt the warmth approaching quickly, whether I wanted it to or not; no longer did I need to force my eyes into a hard look or furrow my brow into a stern frown: it was now okay to let my inner warmth show on the outside—to seek, want, and bring out a responsive passion. While I was lost in these thoughts, I realized that the grass on Hermon never soaked up the fresh dews of sunset more eagerly than my emotions absorbed the joy of this moment.

Frances rose, as if restless; she passed before me to stir the fire, which did not want stirring; she lifted and put down the little ornaments on the mantelpiece; her dress waved within a yard of me; slight, straight, and elegant, she stood erect on the hearth.

Frances got up, as if feeling uneasy; she walked past me to poke the fire, which didn't really need it; she adjusted the small decorations on the mantel; her dress brushed past me; slender, straight, and graceful, she stood tall on the hearth.

There are impulses we can control; but there are others which control us, because they attain us with a tiger-leap, and are our masters ere we have seen them. Perhaps, though, such impulses are seldom altogether bad; perhaps Reason, by a process as brief as quiet, a process that is finished ere felt, has ascertained the sanity of the deed. Instinct meditates, and feels justified in remaining passive while it is performed. I know I did not reason, I did not plan or intend, yet, whereas one moment I was sitting solus on the chair near the table, the next, I held Frances on my knee, placed there with sharpness and decision, and retained with exceeding tenacity.

There are impulses we can control, but then there are others that control us, taking us by surprise and becoming our masters before we even realize it. But maybe those impulses aren't entirely bad; maybe our Reason, in a quick and quiet way—so brief that we don't even notice it—has determined that the action is sane. Instinct reflects and feels justified in being passive while the action takes place. I know I didn’t reason, I didn’t plan or intend it, yet one moment I was sitting alone on the chair by the table, and the next, I was holding Frances on my knee, suddenly and decisively, and keeping her there with strong determination.

“Monsieur!” cried Frances, and was still: not another word escaped her lips; sorely confounded she seemed during the lapse of the first few moments; but the amazement soon subsided; terror did not succeed, nor fury: after all, she was only a little nearer than she had ever been before, to one she habitually respected and trusted; embarrassment might have impelled her to contend, but self-respect checked resistance where resistance was useless.

“Monsieur!” Frances exclaimed, falling silent afterward; not another word left her lips. She appeared deeply confused for the first few moments, but the shock quickly faded. Fear didn’t take over, nor did anger: in the end, she was just a little closer than she had ever been before to someone she normally respected and trusted. Although embarrassment might have pushed her to fight back, her self-respect held her back from resisting when it wouldn’t matter.

“Frances, how much regard have you for me?” was my demand. No answer; the situation was yet too new and surprising to permit speech. On this consideration, I compelled myself for some seconds to tolerate her silence, though impatient of it: presently, I repeated the same question—probably, not in the calmest of tones; she looked at me; my face, doubtless, was no model of composure, my eyes no still wells of tranquillity.

“Frances, how much do you care about me?” I asked. No response; the moment was still too fresh and shocking for words. Taking that into account, I forced myself to endure her silence for a few seconds, even though I was restless about it: soon, I asked the same question again—probably not in the calmest voice; she glanced at me; my face was definitely not the picture of calm, and my eyes were far from being serene.

“Do speak,” I urged; and a very low, hurried, yet still arch voice said—

“Go ahead and speak,” I encouraged; and a soft, quick, yet still playful voice replied—

“Monsieur, vous me faîtes mal; de grâce lâchez un peu ma main droite.”

“Mister, you’re hurting me; please let go of my right hand a bit.”

In truth I became aware that I was holding the said “main droite” in a somewhat ruthless grasp: I did as desired; and, for the third time, asked more gently—

In truth, I realized that I was holding the so-called “main droite” in a rather harsh grip: I did what was wanted; and, for the third time, I asked more softly—

“Frances, how much regard have you for me?”

“Frances, how much do you care about me?”

“Mon maître, j’en ai beaucoup,” was the truthful rejoinder.

“Master, I have many,” was the honest reply.

“Frances, have you enough to give yourself to me as my wife?—to accept me as your husband?”

“Frances, do you have enough to offer yourself to me as my wife?—to accept me as your husband?”

I felt the agitation of the heart, I saw “the purple light of love” cast its glowing reflection on cheeks, temples, neck; I desired to consult the eye, but sheltering lash and lid forbade.

I felt my heart racing, I saw "the purple light of love" shining on cheeks, temples, and neck; I wanted to look into their eyes, but the protective lashes and eyelids held me back.

“Monsieur,” said the soft voice at last,—“Monsieur désire savoir si je consens—si—enfin, si je veux me marier avec lui?”

“Monsieur,” said the gentle voice at last, “Monsieur wants to know if I agree—if—well, if I want to marry him?”

“Justement.”

"Exactly."

“Monsieur sera-t-il aussi bon mari qu’il a été bon maître?”

“Mister, will he be as good a husband as he was a good master?”

“I will try, Frances.”

"I'll try, Frances."

A pause; then with a new, yet still subdued inflexion of the voice—an inflexion which provoked while it pleased me—accompanied, too, by a “sourire à la fois fin et timide” in perfect harmony with the tone:—

A pause; then with a new, yet still soft tone of voice—one that both intrigued and pleased me—along with a “sourire à la fois fin et timide” that matched the tone perfectly:—

“C’est à dire, monsieur sera toujours un peu entêté exigeant, volontaire—?”

“Which means, sir will always be a bit stubborn, demanding, willful—?”

“Have I been so, Frances?”

"Have I really been like that, Frances?"

“Mais oui; vous le savez bien.”

“Of course; you know that well.”

“Have I been nothing else?”

"Have I been anything else?"

“Mais oui; vous avez été mon meilleur ami.”

“Of course; you have been my best friend.”

“And what, Frances, are you to me?”

“And what, Frances, do you mean to me?”

“Votre dévouée élève, qui vous aime de tout son coeur.”

“Your devoted student, who loves you with all her heart.”

“Will my pupil consent to pass her life with me? Speak English now, Frances.”

“Will my student agree to spend her life with me? Speak English now, Frances.”

Some moments were taken for reflection; the answer, pronounced slowly, ran thus:—

Some moments were set aside for reflection; the answer, spoken slowly, went like this:—

“You have always made me happy; I like to hear you speak; I like to see you; I like to be near you; I believe you are very good, and very superior; I know you are stern to those who are careless and idle, but you are kind, very kind to the attentive and industrious, even if they are not clever. Master, I should be glad to live with you always;” and she made a sort of movement, as if she would have clung to me, but restraining herself she only added with earnest emphasis—“Master, I consent to pass my life with you.”

“You’ve always made me happy; I love to hear you talk; I love to see you; I love being close to you; I believe you’re very good and exceptional; I know you’re tough on those who are careless and lazy, but you’re kind, really kind to those who are attentive and hardworking, even if they’re not brilliant. Master, I would be glad to live with you forever;” and she made a kind of move as if she wanted to hold on to me, but holding back, she added with sincere emphasis—“Master, I agree to spend my life with you.”

“Very well, Frances.”

“Alright, Frances.”

I drew her a little nearer to my heart; I took a first kiss from her lips, thereby sealing the compact, now framed between us; afterwards she and I were silent, nor was our silence brief. Frances’ thoughts, during this interval, I know not, nor did I attempt to guess them; I was not occupied in searching her countenance, nor in otherwise troubling her composure. The peace I felt, I wished her to feel; my arm, it is true, still detained her; but with a restraint that was gentle enough, so long as no opposition tightened it. My gaze was on the red fire; my heart was measuring its own content; it sounded and sounded, and found the depth fathomless.

I pulled her a little closer to my heart; I took my first kiss from her lips, sealing our bond that was now established between us. After that, we were quiet, and our silence wasn’t short. I have no idea what Frances was thinking during this time, nor did I try to guess; I wasn’t focused on studying her face or disturbing her peace. I wanted her to feel the same calm I felt; my arm, it’s true, still held her, but it was a gentle restraint as long as she didn’t push against it. I was gazing at the red fire; my heart was measuring its own contentment; it echoed and echoed, finding the depth unending.

“Monsieur,” at last said my quiet companion, as stirless in her happiness as a mouse in its terror. Even now in speaking she scarcely lifted her head.

“Sir,” my quiet companion finally said, as still in her happiness as a mouse in its fear. Even while speaking, she hardly lifted her head.

“Well, Frances?” I like unexaggerated intercourse; it is not my way to overpower with amorous epithets, any more than to worry with selfishly importunate caresses.

“Well, Frances?” I prefer straightforward conversations; it's not my style to overwhelm with romantic nicknames, just as it's not my way to annoy with selfishly demanding affection.

“Monsieur est raisonnable, n’est-ce pas?”

“Sir is reasonable, right?”

“Yes; especially when I am requested to be so in English: but why do you ask me? You see nothing vehement or obtrusive in my manner; am I not tranquil enough?”

"Yes; especially when I'm asked to be that way in English: but why do you want to know? You don't see anything intense or pushy in how I act; am I not calm enough?"

“Ce n’est pas cela—” began Frances.

“It's not that—” started Frances.

“English!” I reminded her.

"English!" I reminded her.

“Well, monsieur, I wished merely to say, that I should like, of course, to retain my employment of teaching. You will teach still, I suppose, monsieur?”

“Well, sir, I just wanted to say that I would like to keep my job teaching. You’ll still be teaching, I presume, sir?”

“Oh, yes! It is all I have to depend on.”

“Oh, yes! It's all I have to rely on.”

“Bon!—I mean good. Thus we shall have both the same profession. I like that; and my efforts to get on will be as unrestrained as yours—will they not, monsieur?”

“Great!—I mean good. So we’ll be in the same profession. I like that; and my efforts to succeed will be just as unrestricted as yours—won’t they, sir?”

“You are laying plans to be independent of me,” said I.

"You’re planning to be independent of me," I said.

“Yes, monsieur; I must be no incumbrance to you—no burden in any way.”

“Yes, sir; I must not be a burden to you—no inconvenience at all.”

“But, Frances, I have not yet told you what my prospects are. I have left M. Pelet’s; and after nearly a month’s seeking, I have got another place, with a salary of three thousand francs a year, which I can easily double by a little additional exertion. Thus you see it would be useless for you to fag yourself by going out to give lessons; on six thousand francs you and I can live, and live well.”

“But, Frances, I haven’t told you what my plans are yet. I’ve left M. Pelet’s, and after nearly a month of searching, I’ve found another job that pays three thousand francs a year, which I can easily double with a bit more effort. So you see, it would be pointless for you to exhaust yourself by going out to give lessons; with six thousand francs, you and I can live comfortably.”

Frances seemed to consider. There is something flattering to man’s strength, something consonant to his honourable pride, in the idea of becoming the providence of what he loves—feeding and clothing it, as God does the lilies of the field. So, to decide her resolution, I went on:—

Frances seemed to think about it. There's something flattering about a man's strength, something in line with his honorable pride, in the idea of being the provider for what he loves—nurturing and taking care of it, just like God does for the lilies in the field. So, to solidify her decision, I continued:—

“Life has been painful and laborious enough to you so far, Frances; you require complete rest; your twelve hundred francs would not form a very important addition to our income, and what sacrifice of comfort to earn it! Relinquish your labours: you must be weary, and let me have the happiness of giving you rest.”

“Life has been tough and hard work for you so far, Frances; you need a complete break. Your twelve hundred francs wouldn’t significantly boost our income, and just think about the sacrifices in comfort to earn it! Give up your efforts: you must be exhausted, and allow me the joy of giving you some peace.”

I am not sure whether Frances had accorded due attention to my harangue; instead of answering me with her usual respectful promptitude, she only sighed and said,—

I’m not sure if Frances paid proper attention to my rant; instead of responding to me with her usual respect and quickness, she just sighed and said,—

“How rich you are, monsieur!” and then she stirred uneasy in my arms. “Three thousand francs!” she murmured, “While I get only twelve hundred!” She went on faster. “However, it must be so for the present; and, monsieur, were you not saying something about my giving up my place? Oh no! I shall hold it fast;” and her little fingers emphatically tightened on mine.

“How wealthy you are, sir!” and then she shifted restlessly in my arms. “Three thousand francs!” she whispered, “While I only make twelve hundred!” She continued more quickly. “But this must be the way for now; and, sir, weren’t you talking about me giving up my job? Oh no! I’m holding on to it tightly;” and her small fingers firmly gripped mine.

“Think of my marrying you to be kept by you, monsieur! I could not do it; and how dull my days would be! You would be away teaching in close, noisy school-rooms, from morning till evening, and I should be lingering at home, unemployed and solitary; I should get depressed and sullen, and you would soon tire of me.”

“Think of me marrying you to be taken care of by you, sir! I couldn't do it; my days would be so boring! You’d be away teaching in crowded, noisy classrooms, from morning until evening, while I’d be stuck at home, jobless and alone; I would get sad and moody, and you would quickly grow tired of me.”

“Frances, you could read and study—two things you like so well.”

“Frances, you could read and study—two things you enjoy so much.”

“Monsieur, I could not; I like a contemplative life, but I like an active life better; I must act in some way, and act with you. I have taken notice, monsieur, that people who are only in each other’s company for amusement, never really like each other so well, or esteem each other so highly, as those who work together, and perhaps suffer together.”

“Monsieur, I couldn’t; I enjoy a thoughtful life, but I prefer a busy life even more; I need to take action in some way, and work alongside you. I’ve noticed, monsieur, that people who are only together for fun never really like or respect each other as much as those who work together and maybe even suffer together.”

“You speak God’s truth,” said I at last, “and you shall have your own way, for it is the best way. Now, as a reward for such ready consent, give me a voluntary kiss.”

“You’re speaking the truth,” I finally said, “and you can have your way, because it’s the best way. Now, as a reward for being so agreeable, give me a kiss willingly.”

After some hesitation, natural to a novice in the art of kissing, she brought her lips into very shy and gentle contact with my forehead; I took the small gift as a loan, and repaid it promptly, and with generous interest.

After a bit of hesitation, which is normal for someone inexperienced at kissing, she softly pressed her lips to my forehead. I accepted that small gesture as a temporary gift and returned it quickly, with extra warmth.

I know not whether Frances was really much altered since the time I first saw her; but, as I looked at her now, I felt that she was singularly changed for me; the sad eye, the pale cheek, the dejected and joyless countenance I remembered as her early attributes, were quite gone, and now I saw a face dressed in graces; smile, dimple, and rosy tint rounded its contours and brightened its hues. I had been accustomed to nurse a flattering idea that my strong attachment to her proved some particular perspicacity in my nature; she was not handsome, she was not rich, she was not even accomplished, yet was she my life’s treasure; I must then be a man of peculiar discernment. To-night my eyes opened on the mistake I had made; I began to suspect that it was only my tastes which were unique, not my power of discovering and appreciating the superiority of moral worth over physical charms. For me Frances had physical charms: in her there was no deformity to get over; none of those prominent defects of eyes, teeth, complexion, shape, which hold at bay the admiration of the boldest male champions of intellect (for women can love a downright ugly man if he be but talented); had she been either “édentée, myope, rugueuse, ou bossue,” my feelings towards her might still have been kindly, but they could never have been impassioned; I had affection for the poor little misshapen Sylvie, but for her I could never have had love. It is true Frances’ mental points had been the first to interest me, and they still retained the strongest hold on my preference; but I liked the graces of her person too. I derived a pleasure, purely material, from contemplating the clearness of her brown eyes, the fairness of her fine skin, the purity of her well-set teeth, the proportion of her delicate form; and that pleasure I could ill have dispensed with. It appeared, then, that I too was a sensualist, in my temperate and fastidious way.

I don't know if Frances had really changed much since the first time I saw her, but as I looked at her now, I felt that she was remarkably different for me; the sad eyes, pale cheeks, and the downcast, joyless expression I remembered were completely gone, and now I saw a face full of charm; smiles, dimples, and a rosy tint enhanced its features and brightened its colors. I had convinced myself that my strong feelings for her showed some special insight on my part; she wasn't beautiful, she wasn't wealthy, and she wasn't even particularly skilled, yet she was the treasure of my life; I must be a man of exceptional judgment. Tonight, I realized the mistake I had made; I began to suspect that it was just my tastes that were unique, not my ability to recognize and appreciate the value of moral qualities over physical appearance. To me, Frances had physical appeal: there was no flaw to overlook; none of those obvious defects in her eyes, teeth, complexion, or figure that could challenge the admiration of even the boldest intellectual men (because women can love a downright ugly man if he's talented); if she had been either “édentée, myope, rugueuse, ou bossue,” my feelings towards her might still have been warm, but they could never have been passionate; I had affection for the poor little misshapen Sylvie, but I could never have loved her. It's true that Frances's intelligence had first captured my interest, and it still held the strongest sway over my preference; but I also enjoyed the beauty of her appearance. I took genuine pleasure in admiring the clarity of her brown eyes, the fairness of her smooth skin, the purity of her well-formed teeth, and the elegance of her delicate figure; and that pleasure was something I could hardly do without. It seemed, then, that I was also a sensualist, in my moderate and discerning way.

Now, reader, during the last two pages I have been giving you honey fresh from flowers, but you must not live entirely on food so luscious; taste then a little gall—just a drop, by way of change.

Now, reader, in the last two pages I've been giving you honey straight from the flowers, but you shouldn't live only on such rich food; try a little bitterness—just a drop, for variety’s sake.

At a somewhat late hour I returned to my lodgings: having temporarily forgotten that man had any such coarse cares as those of eating and drinking, I went to bed fasting. I had been excited and in action all day, and had tasted no food since eight that morning; besides, for a fortnight past, I had known no rest either of body or mind; the last few hours had been a sweet delirium, it would not subside now, and till long after midnight, broke with troubled ecstacy the rest I so much needed. At last I dozed, but not for long; it was yet quite dark when I awoke, and my waking was like that of Job when a spirit passed before his face, and like him, “the hair of my flesh stood up.” I might continue the parallel, for in truth, though I saw nothing, yet “a thing was secretly brought unto me, and mine ear received a little thereof; there was silence, and I heard a voice,” saying—“In the midst of life we are in death.”

At a somewhat late hour, I returned to my place: having temporarily forgotten that people had basic needs like eating and drinking, I went to bed hungry. I had been excited and active all day, and hadn’t eaten since eight that morning; on top of that, for the last two weeks, I hadn’t rested, either physically or mentally. The last few hours had been a sweet frenzy, and it wouldn’t go away now. Even long after midnight, it broke into the rest I desperately needed. Finally, I dozed off, but not for long; it was still quite dark when I woke up, and my awakening felt like Job’s when a spirit passed before him, and like him, “the hair of my flesh stood up.” I could continue this parallel because, in truth, even though I saw nothing, “a thing was secretly brought unto me, and mine ear received a little thereof; there was silence, and I heard a voice,” saying—“In the midst of life we are in death.”

That sound, and the sensation of chill anguish accompanying it, many would have regarded as supernatural; but I recognized it at once as the effect of reaction. Man is ever clogged with his mortality, and it was my mortal nature which now faltered and plained; my nerves, which jarred and gave a false sound, because the soul, of late rushing headlong to an aim, had overstrained the body’s comparative weakness. A horror of great darkness fell upon me; I felt my chamber invaded by one I had known formerly, but had thought for ever departed. I was temporarily a prey to hypochondria.

That sound, along with the chill of anguish that came with it, many might have seen as something supernatural; but I immediately recognized it as a reaction. Humans are always weighed down by their mortality, and it was my mortal nature that now wavered and complained; my nerves, which were on edge and produced a distorted sound, because my soul, which had been sprinting towards a goal, had pushed the body beyond its limits. A deep sense of dread washed over me; I felt my room being invaded by someone I had known before but thought would be gone forever. For a moment, I was overwhelmed by hypochondria.

She had been my acquaintance, nay, my guest, once before in boyhood; I had entertained her at bed and board for a year; for that space of time I had her to myself in secret; she lay with me, she ate with me, she walked out with me, showing me nooks in woods, hollows in hills, where we could sit together, and where she could drop her drear veil over me, and so hide sky and sun, grass and green tree; taking me entirely to her death-cold bosom, and holding me with arms of bone. What tales she would tell me at such hours! What songs she would recite in my ears! How she would discourse to me of her own country—the grave—and again and again promise to conduct me there ere long; and, drawing me to the very brink of a black, sullen river, show me, on the other side, shores unequal with mound, monument, and tablet, standing up in a glimmer more hoary than moonlight. “Necropolis!” she would whisper, pointing to the pale piles, and add, “It contains a mansion prepared for you.”

She had been my acquaintance, no, my guest, once before in my childhood; I had hosted her for a year. During that time, I had her all to myself in secret; she lay with me, ate with me, and walked out with me, showing me spots in the woods, hollows in the hills where we could sit together, and where she could drop her gloomy veil over me, hiding the sky and sun, grass and green trees; taking me completely into her cold embrace, holding me with bony arms. What stories she would tell me during those moments! What songs she would recite in my ears! How she would talk to me about her own domain—the grave—and repeatedly promise to lead me there soon; and, pulling me to the very edge of a dark, gloomy river, show me, across the water, shores dotted with mounds, monuments, and tablets, standing in a glow more gray than moonlight. “Necropolis!” she would whisper, pointing to the pale structures, and add, “It contains a home ready for you.”

But my boyhood was lonely, parentless; uncheered by brother or sister; and there was no marvel that, just as I rose to youth, a sorceress, finding me lost in vague mental wanderings, with many affections and few objects, glowing aspirations and gloomy prospects, strong desires and slender hopes, should lift up her illusive lamp to me in the distance, and lure me to her vaulted home of horrors. No wonder her spells then had power; but now, when my course was widening, my prospect brightening; when my affections had found a rest; when my desires, folding wings, weary with long flight, had just alighted on the very lap of fruition, and nestled there warm, content, under the caress of a soft hand—why did hypochondria accost me now?

But my childhood was lonely and without parents; I had no siblings to cheer me on; and it’s no surprise that as I reached my teenage years, a sorceress, seeing me lost in aimless thoughts, filled with many feelings and few people to connect with, high hopes and dark outlooks, strong wants and little expectation, would raise her tempting lamp in the distance and draw me to her terrifying home. It’s no wonder her spells had power back then; but now, when my path was expanding, my future brightening; when my feelings had found a place to settle; when my desires, finally resting after a long journey, had just landed in the lap of success, feeling warm and content under the gentle touch of a soft hand—why was I feeling this melancholy now?

I repulsed her as one would a dreaded and ghastly concubine coming to embitter a husband’s heart toward his young bride; in vain; she kept her sway over me for that night and the next day, and eight succeeding days. Afterwards, my spirits began slowly to recover their tone; my appetite returned, and in a fortnight I was well. I had gone about as usual all the time, and had said nothing to anybody of what I felt; but I was glad when the evil spirit departed from me, and I could again seek Frances, and sit at her side, freed from the dreadful tyranny of my demon.

I turned her away like a terrible and ugly mistress trying to poison a husband's feelings for his young wife; it was useless; she still held power over me for that night and the next day, and for eight more days after that. Eventually, my spirits started to lift; my appetite came back, and within two weeks, I was feeling better. I had gone about my usual routines all along and hadn’t told anyone what I was going through; but I was relieved when the dark presence left me, allowing me to seek out Frances again and sit by her side, free from the horrible grip of my tormentor.

CHAPTER XXIV.

ONE fine, frosty Sunday in November, Frances and I took a long walk; we made the tour of the city by the Boulevards; and, afterwards, Frances being a little tired, we sat down on one of those wayside seats placed under the trees, at intervals, for the accommodation of the weary. Frances was telling me about Switzerland; the subject animated her; and I was just thinking that her eyes spoke full as eloquently as her tongue, when she stopped and remarked—

ONE fine, frosty Sunday in November, Frances and I took a long walk; we walked around the city along the Boulevards; and afterwards, since Frances was a little tired, we sat down on one of those benches placed under the trees, at intervals, for the comfort of weary people. Frances was telling me about Switzerland; the topic excited her; and I was just realizing that her eyes communicated just as much as her words, when she paused and said—

“Monsieur, there is a gentleman who knows you.”

“Mister, there’s a guy who knows you.”

I looked up; three fashionably dressed men were just then passing—Englishmen, I knew by their air and gait as well as by their features; in the tallest of the trio I at once recognized Mr. Hunsden; he was in the act of lifting his hat to Frances; afterwards, he made a grimace at me, and passed on.

I looked up; three stylishly dressed men were walking by—Englishmen, I could tell by their demeanor and how they walked, as well as by their looks. In the tallest of the group, I immediately recognized Mr. Hunsden; he was just lifting his hat to Frances; then he made a face at me and moved on.

“Who is he?”

“Who’s he?”

“A person I knew in England.”

“A person I knew in England.”

“Why did he bow to me? He does not know me.”

“Why did he bow to me? He doesn’t know me.”

“Yes, he does know you, in his way.”

“Yes, he knows you, in his own way.”

“How, monsieur?” (She still called me “monsieur”; I could not persuade her to adopt any more familiar term.)

“How, mister?” (She still called me “mister”; I couldn’t get her to use any more familiar term.)

“Did you not read the expression of his eyes?”

“Didn't you notice the look in his eyes?”

“Of his eyes? No. What did they say?”

“About his eyes? No. What did they say?”

“To you they said, ‘How do you do, Wilhelmina Crimsworth?’ To me, ‘So you have found your counterpart at last; there she sits, the female of your kind!’”

“To you they said, ‘How’s it going, Wilhelmina Crimsworth?’ To me, ‘So you’ve finally found your match; there she is, the female version of you!’”

“Monsieur, you could not read all that in his eyes; he was so soon gone.”

“Mister, you couldn’t read all that in his eyes; he was gone so quickly.”

“I read that and more, Frances; I read that he will probably call on me this evening, or on some future occasion shortly; and I have no doubt he will insist on being introduced to you; shall I bring him to your rooms?”

“I read that and more, Frances; I read that he will probably come see me this evening, or sometime soon; and I’m sure he’ll want to be introduced to you; should I bring him to your place?”

“If you please, monsieur—I have no objection; I think, indeed, I should rather like to see him nearer; he looks so original.”

“If you don’t mind, sir—I have no problem with that; in fact, I’d quite like to see him up close; he looks really unique.”

As I had anticipated, Mr. Hunsden came that evening. The first thing he said was:—

As I expected, Mr. Hunsden showed up that evening. The first thing he said was:—

“You need not begin boasting, Monsieur le Professeur; I know about your appointment to —— College, and all that; Brown has told me.” Then he intimated that he had returned from Germany but a day or two since; afterwards, he abruptly demanded whether that was Madame Pelet-Reuter with whom he had seen me on the Boulevards. I was going to utter a rather emphatic negative, but on second thoughts I checked myself, and, seeming to assent, asked what he thought of her?

“You don’t need to start bragging, Professor; I know about your appointment at —— College and everything; Brown told me.” Then he hinted that he had just returned from Germany a day or two ago; afterward, he suddenly asked if that was Madame Pelet-Reuter whom he had seen me with on the Boulevards. I was about to say no quite firmly, but then I thought better of it, and, pretending to agree, asked what he thought of her.

“As to her, I’ll come to that directly; but first I’ve a word for you. I see you are a scoundrel; you’ve no business to be promenading about with another man’s wife. I thought you had sounder sense than to get mixed up in foreign hodge-podge of this sort.”

“As for her, I’ll get to that in a moment; but first, I need to say something to you. I see you’re a jerk; you shouldn’t be hanging out with another man’s wife. I thought you were smarter than to get involved in this kind of messy situation.”

“But the lady?”

“But what about the lady?”

“She’s too good for you evidently; she is like you, but something better than you—no beauty, though; yet when she rose (for I looked back to see you both walk away) I thought her figure and carriage good. These foreigners understand grace. What the devil has she done with Pelet? She has not been married to him three months—he must be a spoon!”

“She’s clearly too good for you; she’s like you, but better in some way—no beauty, though; still, when she stood up (because I looked back to see you both walk away) I thought her figure and posture were good. These foreigners really know how to carry themselves. What on earth has she done with Pelet? She hasn’t been married to him for three months—he must be an idiot!”

I would not let the mistake go too far; I did not like it much.

I wouldn't let the mistake go on for too long; I didn't like it very much.

“Pelet? How your head runs on Mons. and Madame Pelet! You are always talking about them. I wish to the gods you had wed Mdlle. Zoraïde yourself!”

“Pelet? How you always go on about Mons. and Madame Pelet! You never stop talking about them. I wish to the gods you had married Mdlle. Zoraïde instead!”

“Was that young gentlewoman not Mdlle. Zoraïde?”

“Was that young lady not Mdlle. Zoraïde?”

“No; nor Madame Zoraïde either.”

“No; nor Madame Zoraïde, either.”

“Why did you tell a lie, then?”

“Why did you lie?”

“I told no lie; but you are is such a hurry. She is a pupil of mine—a Swiss girl.”

"I didn't lie; but you're in such a hurry. She’s one of my students—a Swiss girl."

“And of course you are going to be married to her? Don’t deny that.”

“And of course you're going to marry her? Don’t deny it.”

“Married! I think I shall—if Fate spares us both ten weeks longer. That is my little wild strawberry, Hunsden, whose sweetness made me careless of your hothouse grapes.”

“Married! I think I will—if Fate keeps us both safe for ten more weeks. That is my little wild strawberry, Hunsden, whose sweetness made me ignore your hothouse grapes.”

“Stop! No boasting—no heroics; I won’t hear them. What is she? To what caste does she belong?”

“Stop! No bragging—no trying to be a hero; I won't listen to that. Who is she? What caste does she belong to?”

I smiled. Hunsden unconsciously laid stress on the word caste, and, in fact, republican, lord-hater as he was, Hunsden was as proud of his old ——shire blood, of his descent and family standing, respectable and respected through long generations back, as any peer in the realm of his Norman race and Conquest-dated title. Hunsden would as little have thought of taking a wife from a caste inferior to his own, as a Stanley would think of mating with a Cobden. I enjoyed the surprise I should give; I enjoyed the triumph of my practice over his theory; and leaning over the table, and uttering the words slowly but with repressed glee, I said concisely—

I smiled. Hunsden unintentionally emphasized the word caste, and despite being a republican and hating the aristocracy, Hunsden was just as proud of his old ----shire heritage, his lineage and family reputation, which had been respectable and well-regarded for generations, as any noble in the realm with his Norman ancestry and Conquest-era title. Hunsden would never have considered marrying someone from a caste lower than his own, just as a Stanley wouldn't think of pairing with a Cobden. I relished the surprise I would create; I enjoyed proving my approach right over his theory; and leaning over the table, speaking each word slowly but with hidden delight, I said simply—

“She is a lace-mender.”

“She repairs lace.”

Hunsden examined me. He did not say he was surprised, but surprised he was; he had his own notions of good breeding. I saw he suspected I was going to take some very rash step; but repressing declamation or remonstrance, he only answered—

Hunsden looked me over. He didn’t actually say he was surprised, but he clearly was; he had his own ideas about proper upbringing. I could tell he thought I was about to make a reckless choice; but instead of giving a speech or protesting, he simply replied—

“Well, you are the best judge of your own affairs. A lace-mender may make a good wife as well as a lady; but of course you have taken care to ascertain thoroughly that since she has not education, fortune or station, she is well furnished with such natural qualities as you think most likely to conduce to your happiness. Has she many relations?”

“Well, you know your situation best. A lace-maker can make a great wife just like a high-born lady; but of course, you’ve made sure to find out that even though she doesn’t have education, wealth, or status, she possesses the natural qualities you believe will bring you happiness. Does she have many relatives?”

“None in Brussels.”

"None in Brussels."

“That is better. Relations are often the real evil in such cases. I cannot but think that a train of inferior connections would have been a bore to you to your life’s end.”

"That's better. Relationships are often the real problem in situations like this. I can't help but think that a series of unfulfilling connections would have been a drag for you for the rest of your life."

After sitting in silence a little while longer, Hunsden rose, and was quietly bidding me good evening; the polite, considerate manner in which he offered me his hand (a thing he had never done before), convinced me that he thought I had made a terrible fool of myself; and that, ruined and thrown away as I was, it was no time for sarcasm or cynicism, or indeed for anything but indulgence and forbearance.

After sitting in silence for a little while longer, Hunsden got up and quietly said good evening to me; the polite, thoughtful way he extended his hand (which he had never done before) made me realize that he believed I had made a complete fool of myself; and that, being as ruined and lost as I was, it was not the time for sarcasm or cynicism, or really for anything other than compassion and patience.

“Good night, William,” he said, in a really soft voice, while his face looked benevolently compassionate. “Good night, lad. I wish you and your future wife much prosperity; and I hope she will satisfy your fastidious soul.”

“Good night, William,” he said in a really gentle voice, his face looking kindly sympathetic. “Good night, kid. I wish you and your future wife a lot of happiness, and I hope she will meet the high standards of your picky soul.”

I had much ado to refrain from laughing as I beheld the magnanimous pity of his mien; maintaining, however, a grave air, I said:—

I had a hard time stopping myself from laughing as I saw the grand pity in his expression; keeping a serious face, I said:—

“I thought you would have liked to have seen Mdlle. Henri?”

“I thought you would have wanted to see Mdlle. Henri?”

“Oh, that is the name! Yes—if it would be convenient, I should like to see her—but——.” He hesitated.

“Oh, that's the name! Yeah—if it's convenient, I’d like to see her—but——.” He hesitated.

“Well?”

“Well?”

“I should on no account wish to intrude.”

“I definitely don't want to impose.”

“Come, then,” said I. We set out. Hunsden no doubt regarded me as a rash, imprudent man, thus to show my poor little grisette sweetheart, in her poor little unfurnished grenier; but he prepared to act the real gentleman, having, in fact, the kernel of that character, under the harsh husk it pleased him to wear by way of mental mackintosh. He talked affably, and even gently, as we went along the street; he had never been so civil to me in his life. We reached the house, entered, ascended the stair; on gaining the lobby, Hunsden turned to mount a narrower stair which led to a higher story; I saw his mind was bent on the attics.

“Come on,” I said. We set off. Hunsden probably thought I was a reckless, foolish guy for showing my poor little girlfriend in her bare little attic, but he was determined to act like a true gentleman, because deep down, he actually had that character, even if he chose to wear a tough exterior like a mental raincoat. He chatted kindly, and even softly, as we walked down the street; he had never been this polite to me before. We arrived at the house, went inside, and climbed the stairs; when we reached the landing, Hunsden turned to take a narrower staircase that led to a higher floor; I could tell he was focused on the attics.

“Here, Mr. Hunsden,” said I quietly, tapping at Frances’ door. He turned; in his genuine politeness he was a little disconcerted at having made the mistake; his eye reverted to the green mat, but he said nothing.

“Here, Mr. Hunsden,” I said quietly, tapping on Frances’ door. He turned; in his sincere politeness, he seemed a bit taken aback by his mistake; his gaze went back to the green mat, but he didn't say anything.

We walked in, and Frances rose from her seat near the table to receive us; her mourning attire gave her a recluse, rather conventual, but withal very distinguished look; its grave simplicity added nothing to beauty, but much to dignity; the finish of the white collar and manchettes sufficed for a relief to the merino gown of solemn black; ornament was forsworn. Frances curtsied with sedate grace, looking, as she always did, when one first accosted her, more a woman to respect than to love; I introduced Mr. Hunsden, and she expressed her happiness at making his acquaintance in French. The pure and polished accent, the low yet sweet and rather full voice, produced their effect immediately; Hunsden spoke French in reply; I had not heard him speak that language before; he managed it very well. I retired to the window-seat; Mr. Hunsden, at his hostess’s invitation, occupied a chair near the hearth; from my position I could see them both, and the room too, at a glance. The room was so clean and bright, it looked like a little polished cabinet; a glass filled with flowers in the centre of the table, a fresh rose in each china cup on the mantelpiece gave it an air of fête. Frances was serious, and Mr. Hunsden subdued, but both mutually polite; they got on at the French swimmingly: ordinary topics were discussed with great state and decorum; I thought I had never seen two such models of propriety, for Hunsden (thanks to the constraint of the foreign tongue) was obliged to shape his phrases, and measure his sentences, with a care that forbade any eccentricity. At last England was mentioned, and Frances proceeded to ask questions. Animated by degrees, she began to change, just as a grave night-sky changes at the approach of sunrise: first it seemed as if her forehead cleared, then her eyes glittered, her features relaxed, and became quite mobile; her subdued complexion grew warm and transparent; to me, she now looked pretty; before, she had only looked ladylike.

We walked in, and Frances stood up from her seat by the table to welcome us. Her mourning clothes gave her a reclusive, almost convent-like look, but still very elegant; the serious simplicity didn’t add to her beauty, but it definitely added to her dignity. The crisp white collar and cuffs were enough to balance the serious black merino dress; she had forsworn any decor. Frances curtsied with calm grace, appearing, as she always did when first approached, more like someone to respect than to love. I introduced Mr. Hunsden, and she expressed her pleasure in meeting him in French. Her pure, polished accent, along with her low but sweet and somewhat rich voice, made an immediate impression. Hunsden replied in French; I hadn’t heard him speak that language before, but he handled it quite well. I retired to the window seat; Mr. Hunsden, at Frances’s invitation, took a chair near the fireplace. From where I sat, I could see both of them and the entire room at a glance. The room was so clean and bright it looked like a polished cabinet; a vase of flowers sat in the center of the table, and a fresh rose in each china cup on the mantelpiece gave it a festive air. Frances was serious, and Mr. Hunsden was reserved, but both were very polite to each other; their conversation in French flowed smoothly, discussing ordinary topics with great formality and decorum. I thought I had never seen two people who embodied propriety so well; Hunsden, thanks to the constraints of speaking a foreign language, had to carefully craft his phrases and measure his sentences, which prevented any odd behavior. Eventually, England came up in conversation, and Frances started asking questions. Gradually becoming more animated, she began to change, just like a serious night sky shifts as dawn approaches: first, it seemed like her forehead cleared up, then her eyes sparkled, her features relaxed and became quite expressive; her subdued complexion became warm and transparent; to me, she now looked pretty; before, she had only looked ladylike.

She had many things to say to the Englishman just fresh from his island-country, and she urged him with an enthusiasm of curiosity, which ere long thawed Hunsden’s reserve as fire thaws a congealed viper. I use this not very flattering comparison because he vividly reminded me of a snake waking from torpor, as he erected his tall form, reared his head, before a little declined, and putting back his hair from his broad Saxon forehead, showed unshaded the gleam of almost savage satire which his interlocutor’s tone of eagerness and look of ardour had sufficed at once to kindle in his soul and elicit from his eyes: he was himself; as Frances was herself, and in none but his own language would he now address her.

She had a lot to say to the Englishman who had just come from his island home, and her eagerness and curiosity soon melted Hunsden's reserve, just like fire melts a frozen snake. I use that not-so-flattering comparison because he reminded me of a snake waking up from a deep sleep. He stood tall, lifted his head, leaned back slightly, and pushed his hair away from his broad Saxon forehead, revealing the sharp, almost savage satire that the eagerness in her voice and the intensity in her eyes had sparked in him. He was being himself, just like Frances was being herself, and he would only speak to her in his own language now.

“You understand English?” was the prefatory question.

“You understand English?” was the initial question.

“A little.”

"A bit."

“Well, then, you shall have plenty of it; and first, I see you’ve not much more sense than some others of my acquaintance” (indicating me with his thumb), “or else you’d never turn rabid about that dirty little country called England; for rabid, I see you are; I read Anglophobia in your looks, and hear it in your words. Why, mademoiselle, is it possible that anybody with a grain of rationality should feel enthusiasm about a mere name, and that name England? I thought you were a lady-abbess five minutes ago, and respected you accordingly; and now I see you are a sort of Swiss sibyl, with high Tory and high Church principles!”

"Well, then, you'll have plenty of it; and first, I notice you lack more sense than some others I know" (pointing at me with his thumb), "or you wouldn't be so obsessed with that filthy little country called England; because obsessed you clearly are; I can see your Anglophobia in your expression, and I hear it in your words. Why, miss, is it really possible for anyone with even a bit of common sense to feel passionate about just a name, especially that name England? Just five minutes ago, I thought you were a lady-abbess and treated you with respect; now I see you're more like a Swiss oracle with staunch Tory and high Church beliefs!"

“England is your country?” asked Frances.

“England is your country?” Frances asked.

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“And you don’t like it?”

"Are you not a fan?"

“I’d be sorry to like it! A little corrupt, venal, lord-and-king-cursed nation, full of mucky pride (as they say in ——shire), and helpless pauperism; rotten with abuses, worm-eaten with prejudices!”

“I’d hate to like it! A corrupt, greedy, cursed land, filled with filthy pride (as they say in ——shire), and helpless poverty; decaying with abuses, infested with prejudices!”

“You might say so of almost every state; there are abuses and prejudices everywhere, and I thought fewer in England than in other countries.”

"You could say that about almost every country; there are problems and biases everywhere, and I believed there were fewer in England than in other places."

“Come to England and see. Come to Birmingham and Manchester; come to St. Giles’ in London, and get a practical notion of how our system works. Examine the footprints of our august aristocracy; see how they walk in blood, crushing hearts as they go. Just put your head in at English cottage doors; get a glimpse of Famine crouched torpid on black hearthstones; of Disease lying bare on beds without coverlets, of Infamy wantoning viciously with Ignorance, though indeed Luxury is her favourite paramour, and princely halls are dearer to her than thatched hovels——”

“Come to England and see. Visit Birmingham and Manchester; stop by St. Giles’ in London, and get a real sense of how our system operates. Look at the tracks left by our noble upper class; see how they tread upon blood, crushing hearts as they pass. Just peek inside English cottage doors; catch a glimpse of Hunger sitting lifeless on cold hearthstones; of Disease sprawled out on beds without sheets, of Shame indulging recklessly with Ignorance, although Luxury is actually her favorite lover, and grand mansions are more appealing to her than thatched cottages——”

“I was not thinking of the wretchedness and vice in England; I was thinking of the good side—of what is elevated in your character as a nation.”

"I wasn't thinking about the misery and corruption in England; I was thinking about the positive aspects—about what is admirable in your character as a nation."

“There is no good side—none at least of which you can have any knowledge; for you cannot appreciate the efforts of industry, the achievements of enterprise, or the discoveries of science: narrowness of education and obscurity of position quite incapacitate you from understanding these points; and as to historical and poetical associations, I will not insult you, mademoiselle, by supposing that you alluded to such humbug.”

“There’s no good side—none that you can really understand; because you can’t appreciate the hard work of industry, the successes of entrepreneurship, or the advancements of science. A limited education and lack of opportunities prevent you from grasping these ideas. And as for historical or poetic references, I won’t insult you by assuming that you were referring to such nonsense.”

“But I did partly.”

"But I did a bit."

Hunsden laughed—his laugh of unmitigated scorn.

Hunsden laughed—a laugh full of complete disdain.

“I did, Mr. Hunsden. Are you of the number of those to whom such associations give no pleasure?”

“I did, Mr. Hunsden. Are you among those who find no enjoyment in such associations?”

“Mademoiselle, what is an association? I never saw one. What is its length, breadth, weight, value—ay, value? What price will it bring in the market?”

“Mademoiselle, what is an association? I've never seen one. What are its length, width, weight, value—oh, value? What will it sell for in the market?”

“Your portrait, to any one who loved you, would, for the sake of association, be without price.”

"Your portrait would be priceless to anyone who loved you, just because of the memories tied to it."

That inscrutable Hunsden heard this remark and felt it rather acutely, too, somewhere; for he coloured—a thing not unusual with him, when hit unawares on a tender point. A sort of trouble momentarily darkened his eye, and I believe he filled up the transient pause succeeding his antagonist’s home-thrust, by a wish that some one did love him as he would like to be loved—some one whose love he could unreservedly return.

That mysterious Hunsden heard this comment and felt it deeply; he blushed—a reaction that wasn't uncommon for him when unexpectedly touched on a sensitive issue. A shadow of trouble briefly clouded his eyes, and I think he filled the short silence after his opponent’s sharp remark with a wish that someone loved him in the way he wanted to be loved—someone whose love he could fully reciprocate.

The lady pursued her temporary advantage.

The woman took advantage of her short-lived opportunity.

“If your world is a world without associations, Mr. Hunsden, I no longer wonder that you hate England so. I don’t clearly know what Paradise is, and what angels are; yet taking it to be the most glorious region I can conceive, and angels the most elevated existences—if one of them—if Abdiel the Faithful himself” (she was thinking of Milton) “were suddenly stripped of the faculty of association, I think he would soon rush forth from ‘the ever-during gates,’ leave heaven, and seek what he had lost in hell. Yes, in the very hell from which he turned ‘with retorted scorn.’”

“If your world is a world without connections, Mr. Hunsden, I no longer wonder why you hate England so much. I don’t really know what Paradise is, or what angels are; but if I imagine it as the most amazing place I can think of, and angels as the highest beings—if one of them—if Abdiel the Faithful himself” (she was thinking of Milton) “were suddenly stripped of the ability to connect things, I think he would quickly rush out through ‘the ever-during gates,’ leave heaven, and try to find what he had lost in hell. Yes, in the very hell from which he turned ‘with retorted scorn.’”

Frances’ tone in saying this was as marked as her language, and it was when the word “hell” twanged off from her lips, with a somewhat startling emphasis, that Hunsden deigned to bestow one slight glance of admiration. He liked something strong, whether in man or woman; he liked whatever dared to clear conventional limits. He had never before heard a lady say “hell” with that uncompromising sort of accent, and the sound pleased him from a lady’s lips; he would fain have had Frances to strike the string again, but it was not in her way. The display of eccentric vigour never gave her pleasure, and it only sounded in her voice or flashed in her countenance when extraordinary circumstances—and those generally painful—forced it out of the depths where it burned latent. To me, once or twice, she had in intimate conversation, uttered venturous thoughts in nervous language; but when the hour of such manifestation was past, I could not recall it; it came of itself and of itself departed. Hunsden’s excitations she put by soon with a smile, and recurring to the theme of disputation, said—

Frances’ tone when she said this was just as noticeable as her words, and it was when the word “hell” slipped from her lips with surprising emphasis that Hunsden cast her a brief look of admiration. He appreciated something strong, whether in a man or a woman; he admired anything that dared to push past conventional boundaries. He had never heard a woman say “hell” with such a bold accent before, and he found the sound appealing coming from her; he wished Frances would strike that same note again, but that wasn’t her style. Showing eccentric strength never pleased her, and it only came out in her voice or shone on her face during extraordinary situations—and those were usually painful—that forced it from the depths where it smoldered beneath the surface. In private conversations, she had shared bold thoughts in nervous language a couple of times, but once those moments had passed, I couldn’t remember them; they just happened and then faded away. Hunsden’s provocations she brushed off quickly with a smile, and returning to the topic of disagreement, she said—

“Since England is nothing, why do the continental nations respect her so?”

“Since England is nothing, why do the countries in Europe respect her so much?”

“I should have thought no child would have asked that question,” replied Hunsden, who never at any time gave information without reproving for stupidity those who asked it of him. “If you had been my pupil, as I suppose you once had the misfortune to be that of a deplorable character not a hundred miles off, I would have put you in the corner for such a confession of ignorance. Why, mademoiselle, can’t you see that it is our gold which buys us French politeness, German good-will, and Swiss servility?” And he sneered diabolically.

“I would have thought no child would ask that question,” Hunsden replied, who never provided information without scolding those who asked him. “If you had been my student, as I assume you once had the misfortune to be in the presence of someone dreadful not far from here, I would have made you stand in the corner for such a display of ignorance. Why, mademoiselle, can’t you see that it’s our money that gets us French politeness, German goodwill, and Swiss servitude?” And he sneered wickedly.

“Swiss?” said Frances, catching the word “servility.” “Do you call my countrymen servile?” and she started up. I could not suppress a low laugh; there was ire in her glance and defiance in her attitude. “Do you abuse Switzerland to me, Mr. Hunsden? Do you think I have no associations? Do you calculate that I am prepared to dwell only on what vice and degradation may be found in Alpine villages, and to leave quite out of my heart the social greatness of my countrymen, and our blood-earned freedom, and the natural glories of our mountains? You’re mistaken—you’re mistaken.”

“Swiss?” said Frances, picking up on the word “servility.” “Are you calling my fellow countrymen servile?” She stood up abruptly. I couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh; there was anger in her eyes and defiance in her posture. “Are you criticizing Switzerland to me, Mr. Hunsden? Do you think I have no connection to it? Do you really believe I’m only focused on the vices and degradation found in Alpine villages, and that I can completely overlook the social greatness of my people, our hard-won freedom, and the natural beauty of our mountains? You’re wrong—you’re wrong.”

“Social greatness? Call it what you will, your countrymen are sensible fellows; they make a marketable article of what to you is an abstract idea; they have, ere this, sold their social greatness and also their blood-earned freedom to be the servants of foreign kings.”

“Social greatness? Call it whatever you like; your fellow citizens are practical people. They turn something you see as an abstract idea into a product that can be sold. By now, they’ve already traded their social greatness and their hard-won freedom to serve foreign kings.”

“You never were in Switzerland?”

"You've never been to Switzerland?"

“Yes—I have been there twice.”

“Yes, I’ve been there twice.”

“You know nothing of it.”

"You don't know anything about it."

“I do.”

“I do.”

“And you say the Swiss are mercenary, as a parrot says ‘Poor Poll,’ or as the Belgians here say the English are not brave, or as the French accuse them of being perfidious: there is no justice in your dictums.”

“And you say the Swiss are mercenaries, just like a parrot says ‘Poor Poll,’ or like the Belgians here claim that the English aren't brave, or how the French accuse them of being treacherous: your statements lack any fairness.”

“There is truth.”

"Truth exists."

“I tell you, Mr. Hunsden, you are a more unpractical man than I am an unpractical woman, for you don’t acknowledge what really exists; you want to annihilate individual patriotism and national greatness as an atheist would annihilate God and his own soul, by denying their existence.”

“I’m telling you, Mr. Hunsden, you’re more impractical than I am as an impractical woman because you refuse to acknowledge what actually exists; you want to erase personal pride in our country and its greatness just like an atheist would try to erase God and their own soul by denying they exist.”

“Where are you flying to? You are off at a tangent—I thought we were talking about the mercenary nature of the Swiss.”

“Where are you going? You're going off on a tangent—I thought we were discussing the mercenary nature of the Swiss.”

“We were—and if you proved to me that the Swiss are mercenary to-morrow (which you cannot do) I should love Switzerland still.”

“We were—and even if you could prove to me that the Swiss are mercenary tomorrow (which you can’t), I would still love Switzerland.”

“You would be mad, then—mad as a March hare—to indulge in a passion for millions of shiploads of soil, timber, snow, and ice.”

“You would be crazy, then—crazy as a March hare—to have a passion for millions of shiploads of dirt, wood, snow, and ice.”

“Not so mad as you who love nothing.”

“Not as crazy as you are who love nothing.”

“There’s a method in my madness; there’s none in yours.”

“There's a reason behind my craziness; yours doesn't seem to have one.”

“Your method is to squeeze the sap out of creation and make manure of the refuse, by way of turning it to what you call use.”

“Your approach is to extract every bit of value from creation and turn the waste into something you refer to as useful.”

“You cannot reason at all,” said Hunsden; “there is no logic in you.”

"You can't reason at all," said Hunsden; "there's no logic in you."

“Better to be without logic than without feeling,” retorted Frances, who was now passing backwards and forwards from her cupboard to the table, intent, if not on hospitable thoughts, at least on hospitable deeds, for she was laying the cloth, and putting plates, knives and forks thereon.

“It's better to lack logic than to lack feeling,” Frances shot back, as she moved back and forth between her cupboard and the table, focused, if not on welcoming thoughts, at least on welcoming actions, since she was setting the table and placing plates, knives, and forks on it.

“Is that a hit at me, mademoiselle? Do you suppose I am without feeling?”

“Is that a dig at me, miss? Do you think I have no feelings?”

“I suppose you are always interfering with your own feelings, and those of other people, and dogmatizing about the irrationality of this, that, and the other sentiment, and then ordering it to be suppressed because you imagine it to be inconsistent with logic.”

“I guess you’re always getting in the way of your own feelings and those of others, insisting on the absurdity of this, that, and the other emotion, and then demanding it be suppressed because you think it doesn’t make sense logically.”

“I do right.”

"I do what's right."

Frances had stepped out of sight into a sort of little pantry; she soon reappeared.

Frances had stepped out of view into a small pantry; she soon came back.

“You do right? Indeed, no! You are much mistaken if you think so. Just be so good as to let me get to the fire, Mr. Hunsden; I have something to cook.” (An interval occupied in settling a casserole on the fire; then, while she stirred its contents:) “Right! as if it were right to crush any pleasurable sentiment that God has given to man, especially any sentiment that, like patriotism, spreads man’s selfishness in wider circles” (fire stirred, dish put down before it).

“You think so? Not at all! You’re completely wrong if you believe that. Please just let me get to the fire, Mr. Hunsden; I have something to cook.” (She took a moment to set a casserole on the fire; then, while she stirred its contents:) “Right! as if it’s right to squash any joy that God has given to people, especially feelings like patriotism, which just expands man’s selfishness to a larger scale.” (She stirred the fire and set the dish down in front of it.)

“Were you born in Switzerland?”

“Were you born in Switzerland?”

“I should think so, or else why should I call it my country?”

“I guess so, or why would I call it my country?”

“And where did you get your English features and figure?”

“And where did you get your English looks and physique?”

“I am English, too; half the blood in my veins is English; thus I have a right to a double power of patriotism, possessing an interest in two noble, free, and fortunate countries.”

“I’m also English; half the blood in my veins is English; so I have a right to a double dose of patriotism, having a stake in two noble, free, and fortunate countries.”

“You had an English mother?”

"You had a British mom?"

“Yes, yes; and you, I suppose, had a mother from the moon or from Utopia, since not a nation in Europe has a claim on your interest?”

“Yes, yes; and I guess you had a mother from the moon or Utopia, since no country in Europe has your interest?”

“On the contrary, I’m a universal patriot, if you could understand me rightly: my country is the world.”

“Actually, I’m a global citizen, if you understand me correctly: my country is the world.”

“Sympathies so widely diffused must be very shallow: will you have the goodness to come to table. Monsieur” (to me who appeared to be now absorbed in reading by moonlight)—“Monsieur, supper is served.”

“Sympathies that are so widespread must be pretty shallow: could you please come to the table. Sir” (to me, who seemed to be focused on reading by moonlight)—“Sir, supper is ready.”

This was said in quite a different voice to that in which she had been bandying phrases with Mr. Hunsden—not so short, graver and softer.

This was said in a completely different tone than the one she used while chatting with Mr. Hunsden—not as abrupt, but more serious and gentle.

“Frances, what do you mean by preparing, supper? we had no intention of staying.”

“Frances, what do you mean by preparing dinner? We weren’t planning on staying.”

“Ah, monsieur, but you have stayed, and supper is prepared; you have only the alternative of eating it.”

“Ah, sir, but you've stayed, and dinner is ready; you only have the choice of eating it.”

The meal was a foreign one, of course; it consisted in two small but tasty dishes of meat prepared with skill and served with nicety; a salad and “fromage Français,” completed it. The business of eating interposed a brief truce between the belligerents, but no sooner was supper disposed of than they were at it again. The fresh subject of dispute ran on the spirit of religious intolerance which Mr. Hunsden affirmed to exist strongly in Switzerland, notwithstanding the professed attachment of the Swiss to freedom. Here Frances had greatly the worst of it, not only because she was unskilled to argue, but because her own real opinions on the point in question happened to coincide pretty nearly with Mr. Hunsden’s, and she only contradicted him out of opposition. At last she gave in, confessing that she thought as he thought, but bidding him take notice that she did not consider herself beaten.

The meal was definitely foreign; it included two small but delicious meat dishes that were expertly prepared and nicely presented, along with a salad and "fromage Français" to round it out. The act of eating created a brief pause in the argument, but as soon as dinner was over, they were back at it. The new topic of debate was about the spirit of religious intolerance that Mr. Hunsden insisted was very strong in Switzerland, despite the Swiss claiming to value freedom. In this discussion, Frances was clearly at a disadvantage, not only because she wasn't good at arguing, but also because her actual views aligned closely with Mr. Hunsden's, leading her to contradict him simply out of opposition. Eventually, she conceded, admitting that she agreed with him, but insisted that she didn’t see herself as defeated.

“No more did the French at Waterloo,” said Hunsden.

“No more than the French at Waterloo,” said Hunsden.

“There is no comparison between the cases,” rejoined Frances; “mine was a sham fight.”

“There’s no comparison between the cases,” Frances replied; “mine was a fake fight.”

“Sham or real, it’s up with you.”

“Fake or real, it's up to you.”

“No; though I have neither logic nor wealth of words, yet in a case where my opinion really differed from yours, I would adhere to it when I had not another word to say in its defence; you should be baffled by dumb determination. You speak of Waterloo; your Wellington ought to have been conquered there, according to Napoleon; but he persevered in spite of the laws of war, and was victorious in defiance of military tactics. I would do as he did.”

“No; even though I lack logic and a wealth of words, if I truly disagreed with you, I would stick to my opinion even if I couldn't say anything more to defend it; you'd be thrown off by my stubbornness. You mention Waterloo; according to Napoleon, Wellington should have been defeated there, yet he pushed through despite the rules of war and won against the expected military strategies. I would do the same as he did.”

“I’ll be bound for it you would; probably you have some of the same sort of stubborn stuff in you.”

“I bet you would; you probably have some of that same kind of stubbornness in you.”

“I should be sorry if I had not; he and Tell were brothers, and I’d scorn the Swiss, man or woman, who had none of the much-enduring nature of our heroic William in his soul.”

“I would be upset if I hadn’t; he and Tell were brothers, and I’d look down on any Swiss, man or woman, who didn’t have the enduring spirit of our heroic William in their soul.”

“If Tell was like Wellington, he was an ass.”

“If Tell was anything like Wellington, he was a jerk.”

“Does not ass mean baudet?” asked Frances, turning to me.

“Doesn’t ass mean baudet?” Frances asked, turning to me.

“No, no,” replied I, “it means an esprit-fort; and now,” I continued, as I saw that fresh occasion of strife was brewing between these two, “it is high time to go.”

“No, no,” I replied, “it means a esprit-fort; and now,” I continued, noticing that another argument was about to start between the two, “it’s time to leave.”

Hunsden rose. “Good bye,” said he to Frances; “I shall be off for this glorious England to-morrow, and it may be twelve months or more before I come to Brussels again; whenever I do come I’ll seek you out, and you shall see if I don’t find means to make you fiercer than a dragon. You’ve done pretty well this evening, but next interview you shall challenge me outright. Meantime you’re doomed to become Mrs. William Crimsworth, I suppose; poor young lady? but you have a spark of spirit; cherish it, and give the Professor the full benefit thereof.”

Hunsden stood up. “Goodbye,” he said to Frances; “I’m leaving for glorious England tomorrow, and it might be a year or more before I come back to Brussels. Whenever I do return, I’ll look for you, and you’ll see if I can’t find a way to make you fiercer than a dragon. You did pretty well this evening, but next time, you should challenge me outright. In the meantime, you’re stuck becoming Mrs. William Crimsworth, I suppose; poor girl? but you have a spark of spirit; hold onto it, and make sure the Professor gets to see it.”

“Are you married, Mr. Hunsden?” asked Frances, suddenly.

“Are you married, Mr. Hunsden?” Frances asked abruptly.

“No. I should have thought you might have guessed I was a Benedict by my look.”

“No. I thought you might have figured out I was a Benedict just by looking at me.”

“Well, whenever you marry don’t take a wife out of Switzerland; for if you begin blaspheming Helvetia, and cursing the cantons—above all, if you mention the word ass in the same breath with the name Tell (for ass is baudet, I know; though Monsieur is pleased to translate it esprit-fort) your mountain maid will some night smother her Breton-bretonnant, even as your own Shakspeare’s Othello smothered Desdemona.”

"Well, whenever you get married, don’t choose a wife from Switzerland; because if you start insulting Helvetia and cursing the cantons—especially if you mention the word ass in the same breath as the name Tell (because ass is baudet, I know; even though Monsieur likes to translate it as esprit-fort) your mountain girl will one night smother her Breton-bretonnant, just like your own Shakespeare’s Othello smothered Desdemona."

“I am warned,” said Hunsden; “and so are you, lad,” (nodding to me). “I hope yet to hear of a travesty of the Moor and his gentle lady, in which the parts shall be reversed according to the plan just sketched—you, however, being in my nightcap. Farewell, mademoiselle!” He bowed on her hand, absolutely like Sir Charles Grandison on that of Harriet Byron; adding—“Death from such fingers would not be without charms.”

“I’ve been warned,” said Hunsden; “and so have you, kid,” (nodding at me). “I still hope to hear about a twist on the Moor and his lovely lady, where the roles are flipped according to the idea I just mentioned—you, however, will be in my nightcap. Goodbye, mademoiselle!” He bowed over her hand just like Sir Charles Grandison did over Harriet Byron’s; adding—“Dying from such hands wouldn’t be without its appeal.”

“Mon Dieu!” murmured Frances, opening her large eyes and lifting her distinctly arched brows; “c’est qu’il fait des compliments! je ne m’y suis pas attendu.” She smiled, half in ire, half in mirth, curtsied with foreign grace, and so they parted.

“Wow!” murmured Frances, opening her wide eyes and raising her distinctly arched eyebrows; “he’s giving compliments! I wasn’t expecting that.” She smiled, half in anger, half in amusement, curtsied with an elegant flair, and then they parted.

No sooner had we got into the street than Hunsden collared me.

No sooner had we stepped into the street than Hunsden grabbed me.

“And that is your lace-mender?” said he; “and you reckon you have done a fine, magnanimous thing in offering to marry her? You, a scion of Seacombe, have proved your disdain of social distinctions by taking up with an ouvrière! And I pitied the fellow, thinking his feelings had misled him, and that he had hurt himself by contracting a low match!”

“And that’s your lace-mender?” he said. “And you think you’ve done something great by offering to marry her? You, a descendant of Seacombe, have shown how little you care about social status by getting involved with a working-class woman! I felt sorry for the guy, thinking his emotions had led him astray and that he had harmed himself by choosing someone beneath him!”

“Just let go my collar, Hunsden.”

“Just let go of my collar, Hunsden.”

On the contrary, he swayed me to and fro; so I grappled him round the waist. It was dark; the street lonely and lampless. We had then a tug for it; and after we had both rolled on the pavement, and with difficulty picked ourselves up, we agreed to walk on more soberly.

On the contrary, he swung me back and forth, so I wrapped my arms around his waist. It was dark; the street was empty and without lights. We had a struggle for a bit, and after we both tumbled onto the pavement and managed to get back on our feet, we decided to walk more carefully.

“Yes, that’s my lace-mender,” said I; “and she is to be mine for life—God willing.”

“Yes, that’s my lace-mender,” I said; “and she is going to be mine for life—God willing.”

“God is not willing—you can’t suppose it; what business have you to be suited so well with a partner? And she treats you with a sort of respect, too, and says, ‘Monsieur’ and modulates her tone in addressing you, actually, as if you were something superior! She could not evince more deference to such a one as I, were she favoured by fortune to the supreme extent of being my choice instead of yours.”

“God is not willing—you can't think that; what makes you so deserving of a partner? And she treats you with a kind of respect, too, calling you ‘Monsieur’ and adjusting her tone when she talks to you, as if you were something special! She couldn't show more respect to someone like me, even if luck gave her the incredible chance to be my choice instead of yours.”

“Hunsden, you’re a puppy. But you’ve only seen the title-page of my happiness; you don’t know the tale that follows; you cannot conceive the interest and sweet variety and thrilling excitement of the narrative.”

“Hunsden, you’re like a puppy. But you’ve only seen the cover of my happiness; you have no idea about the story that follows; you can’t truly grasp the interest, the sweet variety, and the thrilling excitement of the narrative.”

Hunsden—speaking low and deep, for we had now entered a busier street—desired me to hold my peace, threatening to do something dreadful if I stimulated his wrath further by boasting. I laughed till my sides ached. We soon reached his hotel; before he entered it, he said—

Hunsden—speaking quietly and deeply, since we had now entered a busier street—asked me to be quiet, warning that he would do something terrible if I fueled his anger by bragging. I laughed until my sides hurt. We soon arrived at his hotel; before he went inside, he said—

“Don’t be vainglorious. Your lace-mender is too good for you, but not good enough for me; neither physically nor morally does she come up to my ideal of a woman. No; I dream of something far beyond that pale-faced, excitable little Helvetian (by-the-by she has infinitely more of the nervous, mobile Parisienne in her than of the the robust ‘jungfrau’). Your Mdlle. Henri is in person chétive, in mind sans caractère, compared with the queen of my visions. You, indeed, may put up with that minois chiffoné; but when I marry I must have straighter and more harmonious features, to say nothing of a nobler and better developed shape than that perverse, ill-thriven child can boast.”

“Don’t be so full of yourself. Your lace-mender is too good for you, but not good enough for me; she doesn’t meet my standards, either physically or morally. No; I imagine something far beyond that pale-faced, excitable little Swiss girl (by the way, she has much more of the nervous, lively Parisian in her than of the robust ‘jungfrau’). Your Mdlle. Henri is in person chétive, in mind sans caractère, compared to the queen of my dreams. You might settle for that minois chiffoné; but when I marry, I need straighter and more harmonious features, not to mention a nobler and better-developed shape than that twisted, frail girl can offer.”

“Bribe a seraph to fetch you a coal of fire from heaven, if you will,” said I, “and with it kindle life in the tallest, fattest, most boneless, fullest-blooded of Ruben’s painted women—leave me only my Alpine peri, and I’ll not envy you.”

“Bribe an angel to bring you a piece of fire from heaven, if you want,” I said, “and with it, spark life into the tallest, heaviest, most shapeless, and most vibrant of Rubens' painted women—just leave me my Alpine fairy, and I won't be jealous of you.”

With a simultaneous movement, each turned his back on the other. Neither said “God bless you;” yet on the morrow the sea was to roll between us.

With a simultaneous movement, each turned away from the other. Neither said “God bless you,” yet by tomorrow the sea would separate us.

CHAPTER XXV.

IN two months more Frances had fulfilled the time of mourning for her aunt. One January morning—the first of the new year holidays—I went in a fiacre, accompanied only by M. Vandenhuten, to the Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges, and having alighted alone and walked upstairs, I found Frances apparently waiting for me, dressed in a style scarcely appropriate to that cold, bright, frosty day. Never till now had I seen her attired in any other than black or sad-coloured stuff; and there she stood by the window, clad all in white, and white of a most diaphanous texture; her array was very simple, to be sure, but it looked imposing and festal because it was so clear, full, and floating; a veil shadowed her head, and hung below her knee; a little wreath of pink flowers fastened it to her thickly tressed Grecian plait, and thence it fell softly on each side of her face. Singular to state, she was, or had been crying; when I asked her if she were ready, she said “Yes, monsieur,” with something very like a checked sob; and when I took a shawl, which lay on the table, and folded it round her, not only did tear after tear course unbidden down her cheek, but she shook to my ministration like a reed. I said I was sorry to see her in such low spirits, and requested to be allowed an insight into the origin thereof. She only said, “It was impossible to help it,” and then voluntarily, though hurriedly, putting her hand into mine, accompanied me out of the room, and ran downstairs with a quick, uncertain step, like one who was eager to get some formidable piece of business over. I put her into the fiacre. M. Vandenhuten received her, and seated her beside himself; we drove all together to the Protestant chapel, went through a certain service in the Common Prayer Book, and she and I came out married. M. Vandenhuten had given the bride away.

In two more months, Frances had completed her mourning period for her aunt. One January morning—during the first of the New Year holidays—I took a cab, accompanied only by M. Vandenhuten, to Rue Notre Dame aux Neiges. After getting out and walking upstairs alone, I found Frances seemingly waiting for me, dressed in a way that hardly suited the cold, bright, frosty day. Until now, I had only seen her in black or dark-colored clothing; but there she stood by the window, dressed entirely in white, and that white was of a very sheer fabric. Her outfit was quite simple, but it looked striking and festive because it was so light, full, and flowing; a veil shaded her head and hung down below her knee. A small wreath of pink flowers pinned it to her intricately braided hair, and it fell softly on both sides of her face. Strangely, she seemed to have been crying; when I asked if she was ready, she replied, “Yes, sir,” with something that sounded a lot like a stifled sob. When I took a shawl that was on the table and wrapped it around her, tears continued to flow down her cheeks unbidden, and she trembled at my touch like a reed. I expressed my sorrow at seeing her so downcast and asked if I could understand why. She simply said, “It was impossible to help it,” and then, almost hurriedly, she took my hand and accompanied me out of the room, descending the stairs quickly and uncertainly, like someone eager to get a daunting task done. I helped her into the cab. M. Vandenhuten took her seat beside him, and together we drove to the Protestant chapel, went through a service in the Common Prayer Book, and came out married. M. Vandenhuten had given the bride away.

We took no bridal trip; our modesty, screened by the peaceful obscurity of our station, and the pleasant isolation of our circumstances, did not exact that additional precaution. We repaired at once to a small house I had taken in the faubourg nearest to that part of the city where the scene of our avocations lay.

We didn’t go on a honeymoon; our humility, sheltered by the quiet anonymity of our status and the nice seclusion of our situation, didn’t require that extra step. We went straight to a small house I had rented in the neighborhood closest to where we worked in the city.

Three or four hours after the wedding ceremony, Frances, divested of her bridal snow, and attired in a pretty lilac gown of warmer materials, a piquant black silk apron, and a lace collar with some finishing decoration of lilac ribbon, was kneeling on the carpet of a neatly furnished though not spacious parlour, arranging on the shelves of a chiffonière some books, which I handed to her from the table. It was snowing fast out of doors; the afternoon had turned out wild and cold; the leaden sky seemed full of drifts, and the street was already ankle-deep in the white downfall. Our fire burned bright, our new habitation looked brilliantly clean and fresh, the furniture was all arranged, and there were but some articles of glass, china, books, &c., to put in order. Frances found in this business occupation till tea-time, and then, after I had distinctly instructed her how to make a cup of tea in rational English style, and after she had got over the dismay occasioned by seeing such an extravagant amount of material put into the pot, she administered to me a proper British repast, at which there wanted neither candles nor urn, firelight nor comfort.

Three or four hours after the wedding ceremony, Frances, changed out of her bridal white and dressed in a lovely lilac gown made of warmer materials, a stylish black silk apron, and a lace collar accented with lilac ribbon, was kneeling on the carpet of a neatly furnished but not very spacious living room, organizing some books on the shelves of a cabinet while I handed them to her from the table. It was snowing heavily outside; the afternoon had turned wild and cold; the leaden sky looked full of snow, and the street was already covered in deep white. Our fire burned brightly, our new home looked sparkling clean and fresh, the furniture was all set up, and there were just a few items like glass, china, and books left to arrange. Frances kept busy with this task until tea time, and then, after I clearly instructed her on how to make a cup of tea in the proper English way, and after she got past the surprise of seeing so much tea put into the pot, she served me a proper British meal that included candles, a teapot, firelight, and all the comfort we needed.

Our week’s holiday glided by, and we readdressed ourselves to labour. Both my wife and I began in good earnest with the notion that we were working people, destined to earn our bread by exertion, and that of the most assiduous kind. Our days were thoroughly occupied; we used to part every morning at eight o’clock, and not meet again till five P.M.; but into what sweet rest did the turmoil of each busy day decline! Looking down the vista of memory, I see the evenings passed in that little parlour like a long string of rubies circling the dusky brow of the past. Unvaried were they as each cut gem, and like each gem brilliant and burning.

Our week off quickly passed, and we got back to work. Both my wife and I started with the mindset that we were working people, meant to earn our living through effort, and it was going to be hard work. Our days were completely filled; we would part every morning at eight o’clock and not see each other again until five P.M.; but after each busy day, how sweetly we rested! Looking back, I see those evenings spent in that little living room like a long string of rubies adorning the dark past. They were as consistent as each cut gem, and like each gem, they were bright and intense.

A year and a half passed. One morning (it was a fête, and we had the day to ourselves) Frances said to me, with a suddenness peculiar to her when she had been thinking long on a subject, and at last, having come to a conclusion, wished to test its soundness by the touchstone of my judgment:—

A year and a half went by. One morning (it was a fête, and we had the day free), Frances said to me, with a suddenness that was typical of her when she had been thinking about something for a long time and, finally arriving at a conclusion, wanted to test its validity with my opinion:—

“I don’t work enough.”

“I don’t work hard enough.”

“What now?” demanded I, looking up from my coffee, which I had been deliberately stirring while enjoying, in anticipation, a walk I proposed to take with Frances, that fine summer day (it was June), to a certain farmhouse in the country, where we were to dine. “What now?” and I saw at once, in the serious ardour of her face, a project of vital importance.

“What’s next?” I asked, looking up from my coffee, which I had been stirring while savoring the thought of a walk I planned to take with Frances on that beautiful summer day (it was June) to a farmhouse in the countryside, where we were going to have dinner. “What’s next?” and I immediately noticed, in the intense expression on her face, that this was a matter of great significance.

“I am not satisfied,” returned she; “you are now earning eight thousand francs a year” (it was true; my efforts, punctuality, the fame of my pupils’ progress, the publicity of my station, had so far helped me on), “while I am still at my miserable twelve hundred francs. I can do better, and I will.”

“I’m not satisfied,” she replied. “You’re now making eight thousand francs a year” (and that was true; my hard work, reliability, the success of my students, and the visibility of my position had all contributed to this), “while I’m still stuck at my pathetic twelve hundred francs. I can do better, and I will.”

“You work as long and as diligently as I do, Frances.”

“You work as hard and as tirelessly as I do, Frances.”

“Yes, monsieur, but I am not working in the right way, and I am convinced of it.”

“Yes, sir, but I know I’m not doing this the right way, and I’m certain of it.”

“You wish to change—you have a plan for progress in your mind; go and put on your bonnet; and, while we take our walk, you shall tell me of it.”

"You want to make a change—you have a plan for moving forward in your mind; go put on your hat; and while we take our walk, you can tell me about it."

“Yes, monsieur.”

“Yes, sir.”

She went—as docile as a well-trained child; she was a curious mixture of tractability and firmness: I sat thinking about her, and wondering what her plan could be, when she re-entered.

She left—obedient like a well-trained child; she was an interesting blend of being adaptable yet determined: I sat thinking about her, and wondering what her plan might be, when she came back in.

“Monsieur, I have given Minnie” (our bonne) “leave to go out too, as it is so very fine; so will you be kind enough to lock the door, and take the key with you?”

“Sir, I've let Minnie” (our maid) “go out too, since it’s such a beautiful day; could you please lock the door and take the key with you?”

“Kiss me, Mrs. Crimsworth,” was my not very apposite reply; but she looked so engaging in her light summer dress and little cottage bonnet, and her manner in speaking to me was then, as always, so unaffectedly and suavely respectful, that my heart expanded at the sight of her, and a kiss seemed necessary to content its importunity.

“Kiss me, Mrs. Crimsworth,” was my not very suitable response; but she looked so charming in her light summer dress and little cottage bonnet, and the way she spoke to me was, as always, so genuinely and smoothly respectful that my heart swelled at the sight of her, and a kiss felt necessary to satisfy its urgency.

“There, monsieur.”

"Here you go, sir."

“Why do you always call me ‘Monsieur’? Say, ‘William.’”

“Why do you always call me ‘Monsieur’? Just say, ‘William.’”

“I cannot pronounce your W; besides, ‘Monsieur’ belongs to you; I like it best.”

“I can’t say your W; plus, ‘Monsieur’ belongs to you; I like it the most.”

Minnie having departed in clean cap and smart shawl, we, too, set out, leaving the house solitary and silent—silent, at least, but for the ticking of the clock. We were soon clear of Brussels; the fields received us, and then the lanes, remote from carriage-resounding chaussées. Ere long we came upon a nook, so rural, green, and secluded, it might have been a spot in some pastoral English province; a bank of short and mossy grass, under a hawthorn, offered a seat too tempting to be declined; we took it, and when we had admired and examined some English-looking wild-flowers growing at our feet, I recalled Frances’ attention and my own to the topic touched on at breakfast.

Minnie left wearing a clean cap and a stylish shawl, and we also set off, leaving the house quiet and empty—quiet, at least, except for the ticking of the clock. We quickly left Brussels behind; the fields welcomed us, followed by the lanes, far from the sound of carriages on the chaussées. Before long, we found a spot that was so rural, green, and secluded, it could have been anywhere in a pastoral English countryside. A patch of short, moss-covered grass under a hawthorn tree provided a seat that was too inviting to resist; we took it, and after admiring some wildflowers that looked English growing at our feet, I brought Frances' attention back to the topic we had touched on at breakfast.

“What was her plan?” A natural one—the next step to be mounted by us, or, at least, by her, if she wanted to rise in her profession. She proposed to begin a school. We already had the means for commencing on a careful scale, having lived greatly within our income. We possessed, too, by this time, an extensive and eligible connection, in the sense advantageous to our business; for, though our circle of visiting acquaintance continued as limited as ever, we were now widely known in schools and families as teachers. When Frances had developed her plan, she intimated, in some closing sentences, her hopes for the future. If we only had good health and tolerable success, me might, she was sure, in time realize an independency; and that, perhaps, before we were too old to enjoy it; then both she and I would rest; and what was to hinder us from going to live in England? England was still her Promised Land.

“What was her plan?” A straightforward one—the next step for us to take, or at least for her, if she wanted to advance in her career. She suggested starting a school. We already had the resources to get started on a careful scale, having lived well within our means. By this point, we also had a broad and useful network for our business; although our circle of acquaintances was still as limited as ever, we had become well-known in schools and among families as teachers. Once Frances laid out her plan, she hinted, in her closing remarks, her hopes for the future. If we just had good health and decent success, she was sure we could eventually achieve financial independence; and hopefully before we were too old to enjoy it; then both she and I could relax; and what would stop us from moving to live in England? England was still her promised land.

I put no obstacle in her way; raised no objection; I knew she was not one who could live quiescent and inactive, or even comparatively inactive. Duties she must have to fulfil, and important duties; work to do—and exciting, absorbing, profitable work; strong faculties stirred in her frame, and they demanded full nourishment, free exercise: mine was not the hand ever to starve or cramp them; no, I delighted in offering them sustenance, and in clearing them wider space for action.

I didn't get in her way or object; I knew she wasn’t someone who could just sit around idly, or even somewhat idly. She had responsibilities to fulfill, important ones; work to do—and it was exciting, engaging, and rewarding work; her strong abilities were awake and needed plenty of nourishment and room to grow. I wouldn't be the one to starve or restrict them; no, I took pleasure in providing them with what they needed and giving them more space to act.

“You have conceived a plan, Frances,” said I, “and a good plan; execute it; you have my free consent, and wherever and whenever my assistance is wanted, ask and you shall have.”

“You’ve come up with a plan, Frances,” I said, “and it’s a good one; go ahead and put it into action. You have my full support, and whenever you need my help, just ask and you’ll get it.”

Frances’ eyes thanked me almost with tears; just a sparkle or two, soon brushed away; she possessed herself of my hand too, and held it for some time very close clasped in both her own, but she said no more than “Thank you, monsieur.”

Frances’ eyes thanked me almost with tears; just a sparkle or two, soon brushed away; she took my hand as well and held it tightly in both of hers for a while, but she only said, “Thank you, sir.”

We passed a divine day, and came home late, lighted by a full summer moon.

We had an amazing day and came home late, illuminated by a bright summer moon.

Ten years rushed now upon me with dusty, vibrating, unresting wings; years of bustle, action, unslacked endeavour; years in which I and my wife, having launched ourselves in the full career of progress, as progress whirls on in European capitals, scarcely knew repose, were strangers to amusement, never thought of indulgence, and yet, as our course ran side by side, as we marched hand in hand, we neither murmured, repented, nor faltered. Hope indeed cheered us; health kept us up; harmony of thought and deed smoothed many difficulties, and finally, success bestowed every now and then encouraging reward on diligence. Our school became one of the most popular in Brussels, and as by degrees we raised our terms and elevated our system of education, our choice of pupils grew more select, and at length included the children of the best families in Belgium. We had too an excellent connection in England, first opened by the unsolicited recommendation of Mr. Hunsden, who having been over, and having abused me for my prosperity in set terms, went back, and soon after sent a leash of young ——shire heiresses—his cousins; as he said “to be polished off by Mrs. Crimsworth.”

Ten years rushed by me with dusty, vibrant, relentless wings; years of hustle, action, and tireless effort; years in which my wife and I, having fully committed to the fast-paced journey of progress, just like progress unfolds in European capitals, barely knew rest, were strangers to fun, never considered taking a break, and yet, as we moved forward together, hand in hand, we never complained, regretted, or hesitated. Hope indeed encouraged us; health supported us; the harmony between our thoughts and actions helped us overcome many challenges, and in the end, success occasionally rewarded our hard work with encouraging results. Our school became one of the most popular in Brussels, and as we gradually raised our fees and improved our educational approach, our selection of students became more exclusive, eventually including the children of the best families in Belgium. We also established a strong connection in England, initially opened by the unsolicited endorsement of Mr. Hunsden, who, after visiting and criticizing my success in blunt terms, returned and soon after sent a group of young heiresses from ——shire—his cousins, as he put it, “to be polished off by Mrs. Crimsworth.”

As to this same Mrs. Crimsworth, in one sense she was become another woman, though in another she remained unchanged. So different was she under different circumstances. I seemed to possess two wives. The faculties of her nature, already disclosed when I married her, remained fresh and fair; but other faculties shot up strong, branched out broad, and quite altered the external character of the plant. Firmness, activity, and enterprise, covered with grave foliage, poetic feeling and fervour; but these flowers were still there, preserved pure and dewy under the umbrage of later growth and hardier nature: perhaps I only in the world knew the secret of their existence, but to me they were ever ready to yield an exquisite fragrance and present a beauty as chaste as radiant.

As for Mrs. Crimsworth, in one way she had become a different woman, but in another way, she stayed the same. She was so different in different situations. It felt like I had two wives. The qualities of her character that I had seen when I married her were still vibrant and beautiful; however, other traits had grown strong, spread out widely, and completely changed how she appeared. She showed firmness, energy, and ambition, all surrounded by a serious demeanor, along with poetic sensitivity and passion; yet these qualities were still there, kept pure and fresh beneath the shade of her later developments and tougher character. Maybe I was the only person who knew their secret, but to me, they were always ready to offer a delightful fragrance and a beauty that was both innocent and brilliant.

In the daytime my house and establishment were conducted by Madame the directress, a stately and elegant woman, bearing much anxious thought on her large brow; much calculated dignity in her serious mien: immediately after breakfast I used to part with this lady; I went to my college, she to her schoolroom; returning for an hour in the course of the day, I found her always in class, intently occupied; silence, industry, observance, attending on her presence. When not actually teaching, she was overlooking and guiding by eye and gesture; she then appeared vigilant and solicitous. When communicating instruction, her aspect was more animated; she seemed to feel a certain enjoyment in the occupation. The language in which she addressed her pupils, though simple and unpretending, was never trite or dry; she did not speak from routine formulas—she made her own phrases as she went on, and very nervous and impressive phrases they frequently were; often, when elucidating favourite points of history, or geography, she would wax genuinely eloquent in her earnestness. Her pupils, or at least the elder and more intelligent amongst them, recognized well the language of a superior mind; they felt too, and some of them received the impression of elevated sentiments; there was little fondling between mistress and girls, but some of Frances’ pupils in time learnt to love her sincerely, all of them beheld her with respect; her general demeanour towards them was serious; sometimes benignant when they pleased her with their progress and attention, always scrupulously refined and considerate. In cases where reproof or punishment was called for she was usually forbearing enough; but if any took advantage of that forbearance, which sometimes happened, a sharp, sudden and lightning-like severity taught the culprit the extent of the mistake committed. Sometimes a gleam of tenderness softened her eyes and manner, but this was rare; only when a pupil was sick, or when it pined after home, or in the case of some little motherless child, or of one much poorer than its companions, whose scanty wardrobe and mean appointments brought on it the contempt of the jewelled young countesses and silk-clad misses. Over such feeble fledglings the directress spread a wing of kindliest protection: it was to their bedside she came at night to tuck them warmly in; it was after them she looked in winter to see that they always had a comfortable seat by the stove; it was they who by turns were summoned to the salon to receive some little dole of cake or fruit—to sit on a footstool at the fireside—to enjoy home comforts, and almost home liberty, for an evening together—to be spoken to gently and softly, comforted, encouraged, cherished—and when bedtime came, dismissed with a kiss of true tenderness. As to Julia and Georgiana G——, daughters of an English baronet, as to Mdlle. Mathilde de ——, heiress of a Belgian count, and sundry other children of patrician race, the directress was careful of them as of the others, anxious for their progress, as for that of the rest—but it never seemed to enter her head to distinguish them by a mark of preference; one girl of noble blood she loved dearly—a young Irish baroness—lady Catherine ——; but it was for her enthusiastic heart and clever head, for her generosity and her genius, the title and rank went for nothing.

During the day, my house and its operations were run by Madame the directress, a dignified and graceful woman, wearing a look of deep thought on her broad forehead and projecting a carefully calculated seriousness. Right after breakfast, I would part ways with her; I went to my college, while she headed to her classroom. When I returned for an hour during the day, I always found her in class, fully engaged; there was silence, hard work, and attentive behavior surrounding her. When she wasn't actually teaching, she was monitoring and guiding through her watchful gaze and gestures; she appeared alert and caring. When explaining lessons, her demeanor became more lively; she seemed to genuinely enjoy the task. The language she used with her students, although simple and modest, was never clichéd or dull; she didn’t rely on standard phrases—she crafted her own expressions as she spoke, and they were often powerful and engaging. Frequently, while clarifying favorite topics in history or geography, she would become genuinely eloquent in her passion. Her students, especially the older and more perceptive ones, recognized the language of a superior intellect; they also felt, and some of them were influenced by, elevated ideas. There was little affection between the teacher and the girls, but over time, some of Frances' pupils learned to truly love her, and all of them regarded her with respect; her overall attitude towards them was serious, though sometimes warm when they pleased her with their progress and focus, always polished and considerate. In instances that required reprimand or discipline, she was usually patient; however, if any student took advantage of that patience, which occasionally happened, a sudden and sharp severity would remind the offender of the mistake made. Occasionally, a flicker of tenderness would soften her eyes and demeanor, but this was rare; it typically occurred when a student felt unwell, homesick, or in the case of a motherless child, or one who was much poorer than her peers, whose meager clothing and simple possessions drew scorn from the jeweled young countesses and silk-clad girls. Over these vulnerable students, the directress offered a nurturing protection: she would come to their bedside at night to tuck them in warmly; in winter, she ensured they always had a cozy spot by the stove; they were the ones who were periodically invited to the salon for a small treat of cake or fruit—to sit on a footstool by the fire—to enjoy home comforts and almost home-like freedom for an evening together—to be spoken to softly and gently, comforted, encouraged, and cared for—and when it was time for bed, they were sent off with a sincere kiss of affection. As for Julia and Georgiana G——, daughters of an English baronet, Mdlle. Mathilde de ——, the heiress of a Belgian count, and several other children from noble families, the directress was just as attentive to them as to the others, deeply concerned about their progress, just like the rest—but it never seemed to occur to her to show them any favoritism; there was one noble girl she held dear—a young Irish baroness, Lady Catherine ——; but it was her enthusiastic spirit and sharp mind, her kindness and talent, that mattered to her, while the title and rank were of no significance.

My afternoons were spent also in college, with the exception of an hour that my wife daily exacted of me for her establishment, and with which she would not dispense. She said that I must spend that time amongst her pupils to learn their characters, to be “au courant” with everything that was passing in the house, to become interested in what interested her, to be able to give her my opinion on knotty points when she required it, and this she did constantly, never allowing my interest in the pupils to fall asleep, and never making any change of importance without my cognizance and consent. She delighted to sit by me when I gave my lessons (lessons in literature), her hands folded on her knee, the most fixedly attentive of any present. She rarely addressed me in class; when she did it was with an air of marked deference; it was her pleasure, her joy to make me still the master in all things.

My afternoons were also spent at college, except for an hour that my wife insisted I dedicate to her establishment, which she wouldn’t let me skip. She insisted that I needed to spend that time with her pupils to get to know their personalities, to be up to date with everything going on in the house, to take an interest in what interested her, and to be able to give her my opinion on tricky matters when she needed it. She did this constantly, never letting my interest in the pupils wane and never making any significant changes without my knowledge and agreement. She loved to sit next to me when I taught my lessons (lessons in literature), her hands folded on her lap, the most focused of anyone present. She rarely spoke to me in class; when she did, it was with noticeable respect; it was her pleasure, her joy to keep me in the position of authority in all matters.

At six o’clock P.M. my daily labours ceased. I then came home, for my home was my heaven; ever at that hour, as I entered our private sitting-room, the lady-directress vanished from before my eyes, and Frances Henri, my own little lace-mender, was magically restored to my arms; much disappointed she would have been if her master had not been as constant to the tryst as herself, and if his truthfull kiss had not been prompt to answer her soft, “Bon soir, monsieur.”

At six o’clock P.M., my daily work ended. I then went home, because my home was my paradise; every day at that time, as I stepped into our private sitting room, the lady-directress disappeared from my sight, and Frances Henri, my dear little lace-mender, was instantly back in my arms; she would have been very disappointed if her master hadn’t been as faithful to our meeting as she was, and if his honest kiss hadn’t quickly replied to her gentle, “Good evening, sir.”

Talk French to me she would, and many a punishment she has had for her wilfulness. I fear the choice of chastisement must have been injudicious, for instead of correcting the fault, it seemed to encourage its renewal. Our evenings were our own; that recreation was necessary to refresh our strength for the due discharge of our duties; sometimes we spent them all in conversation, and my young Genevese, now that she was thoroughly accustomed to her English professor, now that she loved him too absolutely to fear him much, reposed in him a confidence so unlimited that topics of conversation could no more be wanting with him than subjects for communion with her own heart. In those moments, happy as a bird with its mate, she would show me what she had of vivacity, of mirth, of originality in her well-dowered nature. She would show, too, some stores of raillery, of “malice,” and would vex, tease, pique me sometimes about what she called my “bizarreries anglaises,” my “caprices insulaires,” with a wild and witty wickedness that made a perfect white demon of her while it lasted. This was rare, however, and the elfish freak was always short: sometimes when driven a little hard in the war of words—for her tongue did ample justice to the pith, the point, the delicacy of her native French, in which language she always attacked me—I used to turn upon her with my old decision, and arrest bodily the sprite that teased me. Vain idea! no sooner had I grasped hand or arm than the elf was gone; the provocative smile quenched in the expressive brown eyes, and a ray of gentle homage shone under the lids in its place. I had seized a mere vexing fairy, and found a submissive and supplicating little mortal woman in my arms. Then I made her get a book, and read English to me for an hour by way of penance. I frequently dosed her with Wordsworth in this way, and Wordsworth steadied her soon; she had a difficulty in comprehending his deep, serene, and sober mind; his language, too, was not facile to her; she had to ask questions, to sue for explanations, to be like a child and a novice, and to acknowledge me as her senior and director. Her instinct instantly penetrated and possessed the meaning of more ardent and imaginative writers. Byron excited her; Scott she loved; Wordsworth only she puzzled at, wondered over, and hesitated to pronounce an opinion upon.

She would talk to me in French, and she received plenty of punishments for her stubbornness. I worry that the punishments were poorly chosen, as they didn't correct her behavior but seemed to encourage it instead. Our evenings were our own; that time was essential to recharge our energy for our responsibilities. Sometimes we spent the entire time just talking, and my young Genevese, now completely used to her English professor and now loving him so completely that she hardly feared him, had an unlimited trust in him. Topics for conversation flowed as freely as her thoughts. In those moments, as happy as a bird with its mate, she would share all her liveliness, humor, and originality that came from her well-endowed nature. She would also reveal some playful teasing and a bit of "mischief," sometimes poking fun at my “English oddities” and my “island quirks” with a playful wickedness that made her appear like a mischievous little sprite while it lasted. However, this was rare, and her impish side never lasted long. Sometimes, when the verbal sparring got a bit intense—her language skills did full justice to the wit and nuance of her native French, which she always used to challenge me—I would turn and grab her, trying to capture the sprite that was teasing me. What a foolish idea! No sooner would I hold her hand or arm than she would vanish; the teasing smile would disappear from her expressive brown eyes, replaced by a gentle look of admiration. I had caught a mischievous fairy and found an obedient and pleading little woman in my arms. Then I’d make her get a book and read English to me for an hour as a form of punishment. I often used Wordsworth for this, and soon it calmed her; she struggled to grasp his deep, calm, and serious mind; his language wasn’t easy for her either. She had to ask questions, seek explanations, and to acknowledge me as her senior and guide. Her intuition quickly grasped the meanings of more passionate and imaginative writers. Byron excited her; she loved Scott; but Wordsworth left her puzzled, wondering, and uncertain about what to think.

But whether she read to me, or talked with me; whether she teased me in French, or entreated me in English; whether she jested with wit, or inquired with deference; narrated with interest, or listened with attention; whether she smiled at me or on me, always at nine o’clock I was left abandoned. She would extricate herself from my arms, quit my side, take her lamp, and be gone. Her mission was upstairs; I have followed her sometimes and watched her. First she opened the door of the dortoir (the pupils’ chamber), noiselessly she glided up the long room between the two rows of white beds, surveyed all the sleepers; if any were wakeful, especially if any were sad, spoke to them and soothed them; stood some minutes to ascertain that all was safe and tranquil; trimmed the watch-light which burned in the apartment all night, then withdrew, closing the door behind her without sound. Thence she glided to our own chamber; it had a little cabinet within; this she sought; there, too, appeared a bed, but one, and that a very small one; her face (the night I followed and observed her) changed as she approached this tiny couch; from grave it warmed to earnest; she shaded with one hand the lamp she held in the other; she bent above the pillow and hung over a child asleep; its slumber (that evening at least, and usually, I believe) was sound and calm; no tear wet its dark eyelashes; no fever heated its round cheek; no ill dream discomposed its budding features. Frances gazed, she did not smile, and yet the deepest delight filled, flushed her face; feeling pleasurable, powerful, worked in her whole frame, which still was motionless. I saw, indeed, her heart heave, her lips were a little apart, her breathing grew somewhat hurried; the child smiled; then at last the mother smiled too, and said in low soliloquy, “God bless my little son!” She stooped closer over him, breathed the softest of kisses on his brow, covered his minute hand with hers, and at last started up and came away. I regained the parlour before her. Entering it two minutes later she said quietly as she put down her extinguished lamp—

But whether she read to me or talked with me; whether she teased me in French or pleaded with me in English; whether she joked playfully or asked with respect; told stories with interest or listened intently; whether she smiled at me or smiled on me, I was always left alone at nine o’clock. She would free herself from my arms, leave my side, take her lamp, and be off. Her duty was upstairs; sometimes I followed her and watched. First, she opened the door to the dormitory, quietly glided up the long room between the two rows of white beds, checked on all the sleepers; if any were awake, especially if any seemed sad, she spoke to them and comforted them; she stood for a few minutes to make sure everything was safe and peaceful; trimmed the watch-light that burned in the room all night, then left quietly, closing the door behind her without a sound. Then she glided to our own room; it had a little closet inside; this she sought; there, too, was a bed, but only one, and it was very small; her expression (the night I followed her and watched) changed as she approached this tiny bed; from serious, it warmed to sincere; she shaded the lamp she held in one hand with the other; she leaned over the pillow to look at a child asleep; its slumber (that evening at least, and usually, I believe) was deep and peaceful; no tear dampened its dark eyelashes; no fever flushed its round cheek; no bad dream disturbed its gentle features. Frances gazed, didn’t smile, yet the deepest joy filled and flushed her face; a pleasurable, powerful feeling worked through her entire body, which remained still. I saw her heart swell, her lips slightly parted, her breathing became a bit quicker; the child smiled; then finally, the mother smiled too and said softly to herself, “God bless my little son!” She bent closer to him, placed the softest kiss on his forehead, covered his tiny hand with hers, and finally jumped up and left. I reached the parlor before her. When she entered two minutes later, she said quietly as she set down her extinguished lamp—

“Victor rests well: he smiled in his sleep; he has your smile, monsieur.”

“Victor is sleeping peacefully: he smiled in his sleep; he has your smile, sir.”

The said Victor was of course her own boy, born in the third year of our marriage: his Christian name had been given him in honour of M. Vandenhuten, who continued always our trusty and well-beloved friend.

The Victor in question was, of course, her own son, born in the third year of our marriage: his first name was given to him in honor of M. Vandenhuten, who remained our loyal and beloved friend.

Frances was then a good and dear wife to me, because I was to her a good, just, and faithful husband. What she would have been had she married a harsh, envious, careless man—a profligate, a prodigal, a drunkard, or a tyrant—is another question, and one which I once propounded to her. Her answer, given after some reflection, was—

Frances was then a good and loving wife to me, because I was to her a good, fair, and loyal husband. What she would have become if she had married a cruel, jealous, neglectful man—a reckless person, a spender, a drunk, or a bully—is a different question, and one I once asked her. Her answer, given after some thought, was—

“I should have tried to endure the evil or cure it for awhile; and when I found it intolerable and incurable, I should have left my torturer suddenly and silently.”

“I should have tried to put up with the pain or fix it for a while; and when I found it unbearable and impossible to change, I should have left my tormentor quickly and quietly.”

“And if law or might had forced you back again?”

"And what if the law or power had pushed you back again?"

“What, to a drunkard, a profligate, a selfish spendthrift, an unjust fool?”

“What does it mean to a drunk, a reckless spender, a selfish wasteful person, a foolish wrongdoer?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“I would have gone back; again assured myself whether or not his vice and my misery were capable of remedy; and if not, have left him again.”

"I would have gone back; once again reassured myself whether his problems and my misery could be fixed; and if not, I would have left him again."

“And if again forced to return, and compelled to abide?”

“And if I'm forced to go back again and have to stay?”

“I don’t know,” she said, hastily. “Why do you ask me, monsieur?”

“I don’t know,” she said quickly. “Why are you asking me, sir?”

I would have an answer, because I saw a strange kind of spirit in her eye, whose voice I determined to waken.

I would find an answer, because I saw a strange kind of spirit in her eye, whose voice I decided to awaken.

“Monsieur, if a wife’s nature loathes that of the man she is wedded to, marriage must be slavery. Against slavery all right thinkers revolt, and though torture be the price of resistance, torture must be dared: though the only road to freedom lie through the gates of death, those gates must be passed; for freedom is indispensable. Then, monsieur, I would resist as far as my strength permitted; when that strength failed I should be sure of a refuge. Death would certainly screen me both from bad laws and their consequences.”

“Sir, if a wife despises the nature of her husband, then marriage is nothing but slavery. All reasonable people rebel against slavery, and even if it means suffering, we must face that suffering; even if the only path to freedom leads through death, we must go through those gates because freedom is essential. So, sir, I would resist as much as I could; when I ran out of strength, I would know I have a refuge. Death would definitely protect me from bad laws and their repercussions.”

“Voluntary death, Frances?”

"Voluntary death, Frances?"

“No, monsieur. I’d have courage to live out every throe of anguish fate assigned me, and principle to contend for justice and liberty to the last.”

“No, sir. I would have the courage to endure every moment of suffering that fate has given me, and the principle to fight for justice and freedom until the end.”

“I see you would have made no patient Grizzle. And now, supposing fate had merely assigned you the lot of an old maid, what then? How would you have liked celibacy?”

“I can see you wouldn’t have been a very patient Grizzle. Now, if fate had simply given you the life of an old maid, what would you have done? How would you have felt about being single?”

“Not much, certainly. An old maid’s life must doubtless be void and vapid—her heart strained and empty. Had I been an old maid I should have spent existence in efforts to fill the void and ease the aching. I should have probably failed, and died weary and disappointed, despised and of no account, like other single women. But I’m not an old maid,” she added quickly. “I should have been, though, but for my master. I should never have suited any man but Professor Crimsworth—no other gentleman, French, English, or Belgian, would have thought me amiable or handsome; and I doubt whether I should have cared for the approbation of many others, if I could have obtained it. Now, I have been Professor Crimsworth’s wife eight years, and what is he in my eyes? Is he honourable, beloved ——?” She stopped, her voice was cut off, her eyes suddenly suffused. She and I were standing side by side; she threw her arms round me, and strained me to her heart with passionate earnestness: the energy of her whole being glowed in her dark and then dilated eye, and crimsoned her animated cheek; her look and movement were like inspiration; in one there was such a flash, in the other such a power. Half an hour afterwards, when she had become calm, I asked where all that wild vigour was gone which had transformed her ere-while and made her glance so thrilling and ardent—her action so rapid and strong. She looked down, smiling softly and passively:—

“Not much, for sure. An old maid's life must definitely be empty and dull—her heart strained and hollow. If I had been an old maid, I would have spent my life trying to fill that emptiness and ease the pain. I probably would have failed and ended up tired and disappointed, looked down upon and unimportant, like other single women. But I'm not an old maid,” she added quickly. “I would have been, though, if it weren't for my master. No other man but Professor Crimsworth would have found me nice or attractive; and I doubt if I would have cared much about the approval of many others, even if I could have gotten it. Now, I've been Professor Crimsworth's wife for eight years, and what does he mean to me? Is he honorable, beloved...?” She stopped, her voice cut off, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. We were standing side by side; she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her chest with passionate intensity: the energy of her whole being glowed in her dark, then wide-open eyes, and colored her animated cheeks red; her look and movement felt like inspiration; there was such a spark in one, and such energy in the other. Half an hour later, when she had calmed down, I asked where all that wild energy had gone that had transformed her earlier and made her gaze so exciting and intense—her actions so quick and strong. She looked down, smiling softly and passively:—

“I cannot tell where it is gone, monsieur,” said she, “but I know that, whenever it is wanted, it will come back again.”

"I can't say where it's gone, sir," she said, "but I know that whenever it's needed, it will come back."

Behold us now at the close of the ten years, and we have realized an independency. The rapidity with which we attained this end had its origin in three reasons:— Firstly, we worked so hard for it; secondly, we had no incumbrances to delay success; thirdly, as soon as we had capital to invest, two well-skilled counsellors, one in Belgium, one in England, viz. Vandenhuten and Hunsden, gave us each a word of advice as to the sort of investment to be chosen. The suggestion made was judicious; and, being promptly acted on, the result proved gainful—I need not say how gainful; I communicated details to Messrs. Vandenhuten and Hunsden; nobody else can be interested in hearing them.

Look at us now at the end of ten years, and we’ve achieved independence. The speed with which we reached this goal came from three reasons: First, we worked extremely hard for it; second, we had no obstacles to hold us back; and third, as soon as we had money to invest, two knowledgeable advisors—one in Belgium and one in England, Vandenhuten and Hunsden—each gave us advice on what types of investments to make. Their suggestions were smart, and by acting on them quickly, the outcome was profitable—I don’t need to explain how profitable. I shared the details with Messrs. Vandenhuten and Hunsden; no one else will care to hear them.

Accounts being wound up, and our professional connection disposed of, we both agreed that, as mammon was not our master, nor his service that in which we desired to spend our lives; as our desires were temperate, and our habits unostentatious, we had now abundance to live on—abundance to leave our boy; and should besides always have a balance on hand, which, properly managed by right sympathy and unselfish activity, might help philanthropy in her enterprises, and put solace into the hand of charity.

As we wrapped up our accounts and ended our professional relationship, we both agreed that since money wasn’t our master, nor was serving it what we wanted to do with our lives; because our desires were modest and our habits simple, we now had more than enough to live on—enough to leave for our son; and we would also always have some savings, which, if managed with genuine care and selflessness, could assist charitable efforts and bring comfort to those in need.

To England we now resolved to take wing; we arrived there safely; Frances realized the dream of her lifetime. We spent a whole summer and autumn in travelling from end to end of the British islands, and afterwards passed a winter in London. Then we thought it high time to fix our residence. My heart yearned towards my native county of ——shire; and it is in ——shire I now live; it is in the library of my own home I am now writing. That home lies amid a sequestered and rather hilly region, thirty miles removed from X——; a region whose verdure the smoke of mills has not yet sullied, whose waters still run pure, whose swells of moorland preserve in some ferny glens that lie between them the very primal wildness of nature, her moss, her bracken, her blue-bells, her scents of reed and heather, her free and fresh breezes. My house is a picturesque and not too spacious dwelling, with low and long windows, a trellised and leaf-veiled porch over the front door, just now, on this summer evening, looking like an arch of roses and ivy. The garden is chiefly laid out in lawn, formed of the sod of the hills, with herbage short and soft as moss, full of its own peculiar flowers, tiny and starlike, imbedded in the minute embroidery of their fine foliage. At the bottom of the sloping garden there is a wicket, which opens upon a lane as green as the lawn, very long, shady, and little frequented; on the turf of this lane generally appear the first daisies of spring—whence its name—Daisy Lane; serving also as a distinction to the house.

We decided to take off for England, and we arrived safely; Frances fulfilled her lifelong dream. We spent an entire summer and autumn traveling from one end of the British Isles to the other, and then we spent a winter in London. After that, we figured it was time to settle down. I felt drawn to my home county of ——shire; and it’s in ——shire that I now live; right here in my home library, I’m writing this. My home is nestled in a quiet, somewhat hilly area, thirty miles away from X——; a place untouched by the smoke of factories, with pure waters flowing, and hilly moors that maintain a wild natural beauty, with moss, bracken, bluebells, and the scents of reed and heather, along with fresh, free breezes. My house is charming and not too big, featuring long, low windows and a porch covered in trellises and leaves over the front door, which right now, on this summer evening, looks like an archway of roses and ivy. The garden mostly consists of a lawn made from the hillside sod, soft and short like moss, dotted with its own unique tiny, star-like flowers, woven into the delicate greenery. At the bottom of the sloping garden, there’s a small gate that opens onto a lane as green as the lawn, very long, shady, and not heavily traveled; on the grass of this lane, the first daisies of spring usually appear—hence the name—Daisy Lane; it also serves to distinguish the house.

It terminates (the lane I mean) in a valley full of wood; which wood—chiefly oak and beech—spreads shadowy about the vicinage of a very old mansion, one of the Elizabethan structures, much larger, as well as more antique than Daisy Lane, the property and residence of an individual familiar both to me and to the reader. Yes, in Hunsden Wood—for so are those glades and that grey building, with many gables and more chimneys, named—abides Yorke Hunsden, still unmarried; never, I suppose, having yet found his ideal, though I know at least a score of young ladies within a circuit of forty miles, who would be willing to assist him in the search.

It ends (the lane, I mean) in a valley full of trees; this wood—mostly oak and beech—casts shadows around the area of a really old mansion, one of those Elizabethan buildings, much bigger and older than Daisy Lane, the property and home of someone known to both me and the reader. Yes, in Hunsden Wood—what those glades and that grey building, with many gables and even more chimneys, are called—lives Yorke Hunsden, still not married; I suppose he hasn't found his ideal yet, although I know at least twenty young women within a 40-mile radius who would be happy to help him with that search.

The estate fell to him by the death of his father, five years since; he has given up trade, after having made by it sufficient to pay off some incumbrances by which the family heritage was burdened. I say he abides here, but I do not think he is resident above five months out of the twelve; he wanders from land to land, and spends some part of each winter in town: he frequently brings visitors with him when he comes to ——shire, and these visitors are often foreigners; sometimes he has a German metaphysician, sometimes a French savant; he had once a dissatisfied and savage-looking Italian, who neither sang nor played, and of whom Frances affirmed that he had “tout l’air d’un conspirateur.”

The estate came to him after the death of his father five years ago; he has quit the business world after making enough to pay off some debts that weighed down the family legacy. I say he stays here, but I doubt he lives here more than five months out of the year; he travels from place to place and spends part of each winter in the city. He often brings visitors with him when he comes to ——shire, and these guests are usually foreigners; sometimes he has a German philosopher, sometimes a French expert; he once brought a grumpy, menacing-looking Italian who neither sang nor played, and Frances claimed he “looked just like a conspirator.”

What English guests Hunsden invites, are all either men of Birmingham or Manchester—hard men, seemingly knit up in one thought, whose talk is of free trade. The foreign visitors, too, are politicians; they take a wider theme—European progress—the spread of liberal sentiments over the Continent; on their mental tablets, the names of Russia, Austria, and the Pope, are inscribed in red ink. I have heard some of them talk vigorous sense—yea, I have been present at polyglot discussions in the old, oak-lined dining-room at Hunsden Wood, where a singular insight was given of the sentiments entertained by resolute minds respecting old northern despotisms, and old southern superstitions: also, I have heard much twaddle, enounced chiefly in French and Deutsch, but let that pass. Hunsden himself tolerated the drivelling theorists; with the practical men he seemed leagued hand and heart.

The English guests that Hunsden invites are all either men from Birmingham or Manchester—tough guys, seemingly united in one idea, who talk about free trade. The foreign visitors are politicians too; they focus on a broader topic—European progress—the spread of liberal ideas across the Continent. On their minds, the names of Russia, Austria, and the Pope are written in bold. I've heard some of them speak with great sense—I’ve been present at multilingual discussions in the old, oak-lined dining room at Hunsden Wood, where a unique perspective was shared about the views held by determined minds regarding the old northern tyrannies and ancient southern superstitions. I’ve also heard a lot of nonsense, mainly spoken in French and German, but let’s overlook that. Hunsden himself put up with the rambling theorists; with the practical men, he seemed to be completely in sync.

When Hunsden is staying alone at the Wood (which seldom happens) he generally finds his way two or three times a week to Daisy Lane. He has a philanthropic motive for coming to smoke his cigar in our porch on summer evenings; he says he does it to kill the earwigs amongst the roses, with which insects, but for his benevolent fumigations, he intimates we should certainly be overrun. On wet days, too, we are almost sure to see him; according to him, it gets on time to work me into lunacy by treading on my mental corns, or to force from Mrs. Crimsworth revelations of the dragon within her, by insulting the memory of Hofer and Tell.

When Hunsden is staying alone at the Wood (which doesn’t happen often), he usually makes his way to Daisy Lane two or three times a week. He claims he has a charitable reason for coming to smoke his cigar on our porch during summer evenings; he says he does it to eliminate the earwigs among the roses, which, without his kind fumigations, he suggests we would definitely be overrun with. On rainy days, too, we can almost always count on seeing him; according to him, it's just the right time to push me to the brink of madness by stepping on my mental sore spots or to provoke Mrs. Crimsworth into revealing the dragon inside her by insulting the memories of Hofer and Tell.

We also go frequently to Hunsden Wood, and both I and Frances relish a visit there highly. If there are other guests, their characters are an interesting study; their conversation is exciting and strange; the absence of all local narrowness both in the host and his chosen society gives a metropolitan, almost a cosmopolitan freedom and largeness to the talk. Hunsden himself is a polite man in his own house: he has, when he chooses to employ it, an inexhaustible power of entertaining guests; his very mansion too is interesting, the rooms look storied, the passages legendary, the low-ceiled chambers, with their long rows of diamond-paned lattices, have an old-world, haunted air: in his travels he has collected stores of articles of virtu, which are well and tastefully disposed in his panelled or tapestried rooms: I have seen there one or two pictures, and one or two pieces of statuary which many an aristocratic connoisseur might have envied.

We often visit Hunsden Wood, and both Frances and I really enjoy our time there. When there are other guests, their personalities provide a fascinating study; their conversations are lively and unusual. The lack of any local narrow-mindedness from both the host and his chosen company adds a metropolitan, even cosmopolitan, feel to the discussions. Hunsden himself is a gracious host; he has an endless ability to entertain guests when he decides to. His mansion is also intriguing; the rooms seem full of stories, the hallways feel legendary, and the low-ceilinged chambers with their long rows of diamond-paned windows have an old, haunted charm. Throughout his travels, he has collected a wealth of interesting items of virtu, which are tastefully arranged in his paneled or tapestry-decorated rooms. I’ve seen a couple of paintings and statues there that many an aristocratic collector would envy.

When I and Frances have dined and spent an evening with Hunsden, he often walks home with us. His wood is large, and some of the timber is old and of huge growth. There are winding ways in it which, pursued through glade and brake, make the walk back to Daisy Lane a somewhat long one. Many a time, when we have had the benefit of a full moon, and when the night has been mild and balmy, when, moreover, a certain nightingale has been singing, and a certain stream, hid in alders, has lent the song a soft accompaniment, the remote church-bell of the one hamlet in a district of ten miles, has tolled midnight ere the lord of the wood left us at our porch. Free-flowing was his talk at such hours, and far more quiet and gentle than in the day-time and before numbers. He would then forget politics and discussion, and would dwell on the past times of his house, on his family history, on himself and his own feelings—subjects each and all invested with a peculiar zest, for they were each and all unique. One glorious night in June, after I had been taunting him about his ideal bride and asking him when she would come and graft her foreign beauty on the old Hunsden oak, he answered suddenly—

When Frances and I have dinner and spend an evening with Hunsden, he often walks home with us. His woods are vast, with some old trees that are quite large. There are winding paths through them that stretch the walk back to Daisy Lane a bit longer than usual. Many times, when we’ve had a bright full moon, and the night has been warm and pleasant, especially when a particular nightingale is singing and a nearby stream, hidden among the

“You call her ideal; but see, here is her shadow; and there cannot be a shadow without a substance.”

“You think she's perfect; but look, here's her shadow; and there can't be a shadow without something to cast it.”

He had led us from the depth of the “winding way” into a glade from whence the beeches withdrew, leaving it open to the sky; an unclouded moon poured her light into this glade, and Hunsden held out under her beam an ivory miniature.

He had guided us from the depths of the “winding way” into a clearing where the beeches stepped back, leaving it open to the sky; a clear moon shone down on this clearing, and Hunsden held out an ivory miniature under her light.

Frances, with eagerness, examined it first; then she gave it to me—still, however, pushing her little face close to mine, and seeking in my eyes what I thought of the portrait. I thought it represented a very handsome and very individual-looking female face, with, as he had once said, “straight and harmonious features.” It was dark; the hair, raven-black, swept not only from the brow, but from the temples—seemed thrust away carelessly, as if such beauty dispensed with, nay, despised arrangement. The Italian eye looked straight into you, and an independent, determined eye it was; the mouth was as firm as fine; the chin ditto. On the back of the miniature was gilded “Lucia.”

Frances eagerly looked at it first; then she handed it to me—still, however, leaning her little face close to mine and searching my eyes for my opinion on the portrait. I thought it showed a very attractive and unique female face, with, as he had once said, “straight and harmonious features.” It was dark; the hair, raven-black, was swept back not only from the forehead but also from the temples—seeming to be pushed away carelessly, as if such beauty didn’t need, or even rejected, styling. The Italian eye looked straight at you, and it was an independent, determined gaze; the mouth was as firm as it was refined; the chin was the same. On the back of the miniature, it was engraved “Lucia.”

“That is a real head,” was my conclusion.

"That is a serious head," was my conclusion.

Hunsden smiled.

Hunsden smiled.

“I think so,” he replied. “All was real in Lucia.”

“I think so,” he replied. “Everything was real in Lucia.”

“And she was somebody you would have liked to marry—but could not?”

“And she was someone you would have wanted to marry—but couldn’t?”

“I should certainly have liked to marry her, and that I have not done so is a proof that I could not.”

“I definitely would have liked to marry her, and the fact that I haven't is proof that I couldn't.”

He repossessed himself of the miniature, now again in Frances’ hand, and put it away.

He took back the miniature, now once again in Frances' hand, and put it away.

“What do you think of it?” he asked of my wife, as he buttoned his coat over it.

“What do you think of it?” he asked my wife as he buttoned his coat over it.

“I am sure Lucia once wore chains and broke them,” was the strange answer. “I do not mean matrimonial chains,” she added, correcting herself, as if she feared mis-interpretation, “but social chains of some sort. The face is that of one who has made an effort, and a successful and triumphant effort, to wrest some vigorous and valued faculty from insupportable constraint; and when Lucia’s faculty got free, I am certain it spread wide pinions and carried her higher than—” she hesitated.

“I’m sure Lucia once wore chains and broke them,” was the strange reply. “I don’t mean chains of marriage,” she added, correcting herself, as if she worried about being misunderstood, “but some kind of social chains. The face belongs to someone who has worked hard, and successfully, to break free from unbearable limitations; and when Lucia’s abilities broke free, I’m certain they spread wide wings and lifted her higher than—” she hesitated.

“Than what?” demanded Hunsden.

"Than what?" Hunsden insisted.

“Than ‘les convenances’ permitted you to follow.”

“Than 'the conventions' allowed you to follow.”

“I think you grow spiteful—impertinent.”

"I think you're growing spiteful—rude."

“Lucia has trodden the stage,” continued Frances. “You never seriously thought of marrying her; you admired her originality, her fearlessness, her energy of body and mind; you delighted in her talent, whatever that was, whether song, dance, or dramatic representation; you worshipped her beauty, which was of the sort after your own heart: but I am sure she filled a sphere from whence you would never have thought of taking a wife.”

“Lucia has been on stage,” Frances continued. “You never actually thought about marrying her; you admired her uniqueness, her boldness, her physical and mental energy; you enjoyed her talent, whatever it was, whether it was singing, dancing, or acting; you adored her beauty, which was just your type: but I’m sure she was in a place from which you would never have considered choosing a wife.”

“Ingenious,” remarked Hunsden; “whether true or not is another question. Meantime, don’t you feel your little lamp of a spirit wax very pale, beside such a girandole as Lucia’s?”

"Ingenious," said Hunsden; "whether it's true or not is a different issue. In the meantime, don't you feel your little lamp of a spirit get really dim next to a showstopper like Lucia’s?"

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“Candid, at least; and the Professor will soon be dissatisfied with the dim light you give?”

“Honestly, at least; and the Professor will soon be unhappy with the dim light you provide?”

“Will you, monsieur?”

“Will you, sir?”

“My sight was always too weak to endure a blaze, Frances,” and we had now reached the wicket.

“My eyesight has always been too weak to handle a bright light, Frances,” and we had now reached the gate.

I said, a few pages back, that this is a sweet summer evening; it is—there has been a series of lovely days, and this is the loveliest; the hay is just carried from my fields, its perfume still lingers in the air. Frances proposed to me, an hour or two since, to take tea out on the lawn; I see the round table, loaded with china, placed under a certain beech; Hunsden is expected—nay, I hear he is come—there is his voice, laying down the law on some point with authority; that of Frances replies; she opposes him of course. They are disputing about Victor, of whom Hunsden affirms that his mother is making a milksop. Mrs. Crimsworth retaliates:—

I mentioned a few pages back that it’s a beautiful summer evening; and it truly is—there’s been a string of wonderful days, and today is the best one yet; the hay has just been brought in from my fields, and its scent still hangs in the air. Frances suggested, a couple of hours ago, that we have tea outside on the lawn; I can see the round table, full of china, set up under a certain beech tree; Hunsden is expected—actually, I hear he’s here—there’s his voice, confidently stating something; Frances responds to him; of course, she’s disagreeing with him. They’re arguing about Victor, with Hunsden claiming his mother is turning him into a weakling. Mrs. Crimsworth fires back:—

“Better a thousand times he should be a milksop than what he, Hunsden, calls ‘a fine lad;’ and moreover she says that if Hunsden were to become a fixture in the neighbourhood, and were not a mere comet, coming and going, no one knows how, when, where, or why, she should be quite uneasy till she had got Victor away to a school at least a hundred miles off; for that with his mutinous maxims and unpractical dogmas, he would ruin a score of children.”

“Better a thousand times he should be weak than what he, Hunsden, calls ‘a great guy;’ and besides, she says that if Hunsden were to stay in the area, and weren’t just a passing comet, showing up and disappearing without any reason, she would be really worried until she got Victor away to a school at least a hundred miles away; because with his rebellious beliefs and impractical ideas, he would mess up a lot of kids.”

I have a word to say of Victor ere I shut this manuscript in my desk—but it must be a brief one, for I hear the tinkle of silver on porcelain.

I have something to say about Victor before I put this manuscript away in my desk—but it has to be quick, because I can hear the sound of silver clinking on porcelain.

Victor is as little of a pretty child as I am of a handsome man, or his mother of a fine woman; he is pale and spare, with large eyes, as dark as those of Frances, and as deeply set as mine. His shape is symmetrical enough, but slight; his health is good. I never saw a child smile less than he does, nor one who knits such a formidable brow when sitting over a book that interests him, or while listening to tales of adventure, peril, or wonder, narrated by his mother, Hunsden, or myself. But though still, he is not unhappy—though serious, not morose; he has a susceptibility to pleasurable sensations almost too keen, for it amounts to enthusiasm. He learned to read in the old-fashioned way out of a spelling-book at his mother’s knee, and as he got on without driving by that method, she thought it unnecessary to buy him ivory letters, or to try any of the other inducements to learning now deemed indispensable. When he could read, he became a glutton of books, and is so still. His toys have been few, and he has never wanted more. For those he possesses, he seems to have contracted a partiality amounting to affection; this feeling, directed towards one or two living animals of the house, strengthens almost to a passion.

Victor is as much a pretty child as I am a handsome man, or his mother a beautiful woman; he is pale and thin, with big eyes as dark as Frances's, and as deeply set as mine. His body is pretty symmetrical, but slender; his health is good. I've never seen a child smile less than he does, nor one who furrows his brow so seriously when he's engrossed in a book or listening to thrilling stories of adventure, danger, or wonder told by his mother, Hunsden, or me. But despite being still, he's not unhappy—he's serious, not gloomy; he has a sensitivity to enjoyable experiences that is almost overwhelming, as it borders on enthusiasm. He learned to read the old-fashioned way from a spelling book at his mother’s side, and since he progressed fine with that method, she thought it wasn't necessary to buy him letter blocks or try any other modern learning tools that are now considered essential. Once he could read, he became a bookworm, and still is. His toys have been few, and he's never wished for more. For the few he has, he seems to have developed a fondness that feels almost like affection; this same feeling, aimed at one or two of the household pets, grows almost into a passion.

Mr. Hunsden gave him a mastiff cub, which he called Yorke, after the donor; it grew to a superb dog, whose fierceness, however, was much modified by the companionship and caresses of its young master. He would go nowhere, do nothing without Yorke; Yorke lay at his feet while he learned his lessons, played with him in the garden, walked with him in the lane and wood, sat near his chair at meals, was fed always by his own hand, was the first thing he sought in the morning, the last he left at night. Yorke accompanied Mr. Hunsden one day to X——, and was bitten in the street by a dog in a rabid state. As soon as Hunsden had brought him home, and had informed me of the circumstance, I went into the yard and shot him where he lay licking his wound: he was dead in an instant; he had not seen me level the gun; I stood behind him. I had scarcely been ten minutes in the house, when my ear was struck with sounds of anguish: I repaired to the yard once more, for they proceeded thence. Victor was kneeling beside his dead mastiff, bent over it, embracing its bull-like neck, and lost in a passion of the wildest woe: he saw me.

Mr. Hunsden gave him a mastiff puppy, which he named Yorke after the donor; it grew into an amazing dog, whose fierceness was softened by the friendship and affection of its young owner. He wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything without Yorke; Yorke lay at his feet while he studied, played with him in the garden, walked with him in the lane and woods, sat near his chair during meals, was always fed by his own hand, and was the first thing he looked for in the morning and the last he left at night. Yorke went with Mr. Hunsden one day to X—— and was bitten in the street by a rabid dog. As soon as Hunsden brought him home and told me what happened, I went to the yard and shot him where he lay licking his wound; he was dead instantly and hadn’t seen me aim the gun—I was standing behind him. I had barely been in the house for ten minutes when I heard sounds of despair: I went back to the yard, as that’s where the noise was coming from. Victor was kneeling beside his dead mastiff, bent over it, embracing its strong neck, completely lost in a wild grief: he saw me.

“Oh, papa, I’ll never forgive you! I’ll never forgive you!” was his exclamation. “You shot Yorke—I saw it from the window. I never believed you could be so cruel—I can love you no more!”

“Oh, Dad, I’ll never forgive you! I’ll never forgive you!” he exclaimed. “You shot Yorke—I saw it from the window. I never believed you could be so cruel—I can’t love you anymore!”

I had much ado to explain to him, with a steady voice, the stern necessity of the deed; he still, with that inconsolable and bitter accent which I cannot render, but which pierced my heart, repeated—

I had a hard time explaining to him, with a calm voice, the serious need for the action; he still, with that deep and bitter tone that I can’t really describe, but that broke my heart, kept repeating—

“He might have been cured—you should have tried—you should have burnt the wound with a hot iron, or covered it with caustic. You gave no time; and now it is too late—he is dead!”

“He might have been saved—you should have tried—you should have cauterized the wound with a hot iron or treated it with a strong chemical. You didn’t give it enough time; and now it’s too late—he’s dead!”

He sank fairly down on the senseless carcase; I waited patiently a long while, till his grief had somewhat exhausted him; and then I lifted him in my arms and carried him to his mother, sure that she would comfort him best. She had witnessed the whole scene from a window; she would not come out for fear of increasing my difficulties by her emotion, but she was ready now to receive him. She took him to her kind heart, and on to her gentle lap; consoled him but with her lips, her eyes, her soft embrace, for some time; and then, when his sobs diminished, told him that Yorke had felt no pain in dying, and that if he had been left to expire naturally, his end would have been most horrible; above all, she told him that I was not cruel (for that idea seemed to give exquisite pain to poor Victor), that it was my affection for Yorke and him which had made me act so, and that I was now almost heart-broken to see him weep thus bitterly.

He sank down heavily onto the lifeless body; I waited patiently for a long time until his grief had worn him out a bit; then I picked him up and carried him to his mother, knowing she would comfort him best. She had watched the whole scene from a window; she wouldn't come out for fear of adding to my troubles with her emotions, but she was ready to receive him now. She took him into her kind heart and onto her gentle lap, comforting him with her words, her eyes, and her soft embrace for a while; and then, when his sobs lessened, she told him that Yorke had felt no pain in dying, and that if he had been left to die naturally, it would have been very horrible; most importantly, she told him that I was not cruel (since that thought seemed to cause poor Victor a lot of pain), that it was my love for Yorke and him that made me act that way, and that I was now almost heartbroken to see him cry so deeply.

Victor would have been no true son of his father, had these considerations, these reasons, breathed in so low, so sweet a tone—married to caresses so benign, so tender—to looks so inspired with pitying sympathy—produced no effect on him. They did produce an effect: he grew calmer, rested his face on her shoulder, and lay still in her arms. Looking up, shortly, he asked his mother to tell him over again what she had said about Yorke having suffered no pain, and my not being cruel; the balmy words being repeated, he again pillowed his cheek on her breast, and was again tranquil.

Victor would not have been a true son of his father if these thoughts, these reasons, had whispered in such a soft, sweet way—coupled with gentle, kind touches and looks full of compassionate sympathy—without affecting him. They did have an effect: he calmed down, rested his face on her shoulder, and lay quietly in her arms. After a moment, he looked up and asked his mother to tell him again what she had said about Yorke not feeling any pain and that I wasn’t being cruel; as she repeated those soothing words, he once again placed his cheek on her chest and felt peaceful again.

Some hours after, he came to me in my library, asked if I forgave him, and desired to be reconciled. I drew the lad to my side, and there I kept him a good while, and had much talk with him, in the course of which he disclosed many points of feeling and thought I approved of in my son. I found, it is true, few elements of the “good fellow” or the “fine fellow” in him; scant sparkles of the spirit which loves to flash over the wine cup, or which kindles the passions to a destroying fire; but I saw in the soil of his heart healthy and swelling germs of compassion, affection, fidelity. I discovered in the garden of his intellect a rich growth of wholesome principles—reason, justice, moral courage, promised, if not blighted, a fertile bearing. So I bestowed on his large forehead, and on his cheek—still pale with tears—a proud and contented kiss, and sent him away comforted. Yet I saw him the next day laid on the mound under which Yorke had been buried, his face covered with his hands; he was melancholy for some weeks, and more than a year elapsed before he would listen to any proposal of having another dog.

A few hours later, he came to me in my library, asked if I forgave him, and wanted to make amends. I pulled the kid beside me and kept him there for a while, talking a lot. During our conversation, he revealed many feelings and thoughts I admired in my son. I noticed, however, that he had few traits of the “good guy” or the “cool guy”; there were hardly any signs of the spirit that loves to shine when drinking or that ignites passions into something destructive. But I saw in the depths of his heart healthy, growing seeds of compassion, affection, and loyalty. In the garden of his mind, I found a rich variety of solid principles—reason, justice, moral courage—that promised, if not stunted, to yield fruitful results. So I planted a proud and content kiss on his large forehead and on his cheek—still pale from tears—and sent him away feeling better. Yet the next day, I saw him lying on the mound where Yorke was buried, his face buried in his hands; he was sad for a few weeks, and it took more than a year before he would even consider getting another dog.

Victor learns fast. He must soon go to Eton, where, I suspect, his first year or two will be utter wretchedness: to leave me, his mother, and his home, will give his heart an agonized wrench; then, the fagging will not suit him—but emulation, thirst after knowledge, the glory of success, will stir and reward him in time. Meantime, I feel in myself a strong repugnance to fix the hour which will uproot my sole olive branch, and transplant it far from me; and, when I speak to Frances on the subject, I am heard with a kind of patient pain, as though I alluded to some fearful operation, at which her nature shudders, but from which her fortitude will not permit her to recoil. The step must, however, be taken, and it shall be; for, though Frances will not make a milksop of her son, she will accustom him to a style of treatment, a forbearance, a congenial tenderness, he will meet with from none else. She sees, as I also see, a something in Victor’s temper—a kind of electrical ardour and power—which emits, now and then, ominous sparks; Hunsden calls it his spirit, and says it should not be curbed. I call it the leaven of the offending Adam, and consider that it should be, if not whipped out of him, at least soundly disciplined; and that he will be cheap of any amount of either bodily or mental suffering which will ground him radically in the art of self-control. Frances gives this something in her son’s marked character no name; but when it appears in the grinding of his teeth, in the glittering of his eye, in the fierce revolt of feeling against disappointment, mischance, sudden sorrow, or supposed injustice, she folds him to her breast, or takes him to walk with her alone in the wood; then she reasons with him like any philosopher, and to reason Victor is ever accessible; then she looks at him with eyes of love, and by love Victor can be infallibly subjugated; but will reason or love be the weapons with which in future the world will meet his violence? Oh, no! for that flash in his black eye—for that cloud on his bony brow—for that compression of his statuesque lips, the lad will some day get blows instead of blandishments—kicks instead of kisses; then for the fit of mute fury which will sicken his body and madden his soul; then for the ordeal of merited and salutary suffering, out of which he will come (I trust) a wiser and a better man.

Victor learns quickly. Soon, he’ll have to go to Eton, where I fear his first year or two will be complete misery: leaving me, his mother, and his home will break his heart; the strict rules won’t suit him—but his drive for knowledge and the pursuit of success will eventually motivate and reward him. In the meantime, I feel a strong reluctance to set the date that will uproot my only olive branch and move it far away from me; when I talk to Frances about this, she listens with a kind of painful patience, as if I were talking about a horrifying surgery that makes her uneasy, but she won’t shy away from it out of her strength. However, the step must be taken, and it will be; even though Frances won’t make a softie out of her son, she will teach him a way of caring, restraint, and tenderness that he won’t find anywhere else. She sees, as I do, something in Victor’s temperament—an intense energy and power—that sometimes gives off troubling sparks; Hunsden calls it his spirit and says it shouldn’t be suppressed. I see it as the fault of the flawed Adam, and I believe it should be, if not beaten out of him, at least properly disciplined; he would pay any price in physical or emotional pain to learn the essential skill of self-control. Frances doesn’t put a name to this aspect of her son’s character, but when it shows in his grit teeth, the sparkle in his eye, or the fierce anger against disappointment, bad luck, sudden sadness, or perceived injustice, she holds him close or takes him for a walk alone in the woods; then she talks to him like a philosopher, and he is always open to reason; afterward, she looks at him with loving eyes, and through love, Victor can be undeniably tamed; but will reason or love be the tools the world will use to face his aggression in the future? Oh, no! Because of that flash in his dark eye—because of that furrow on his bony forehead—because of that tightening of his sculpted lips, one day, the boy will receive punches instead of praise—kicks instead of affection; then comes the fit of silent rage that will drain his body and drive his soul to madness; then the experience of deserved and necessary suffering, from which I hope he will emerge a wiser and better man.

I see him now; he stands by Hunsden, who is seated on the lawn under the beech; Hunsden’s hand rests on the boy’s collar, and he is instilling God knows what principles into his ear. Victor looks well just now, for he listens with a sort of smiling interest; he never looks so like his mother as when he smiles—pity the sunshine breaks out so rarely! Victor has a preference for Hunsden, full as strong as I deem desirable, being considerably more potent, decided, and indiscriminating, than any I ever entertained for that personage myself. Frances, too, regards it with a sort of unexpressed anxiety; while her son leans on Hunsden’s knee, or rests against his shoulder, she roves with restless movement round, like a dove guarding its young from a hovering hawk; she says she wishes Hunsden had children of his own, for then he would better know the danger of inciting their pride and indulging their foibles.

I see him now; he’s standing next to Hunsden, who is sitting on the grass under the beech tree. Hunsden's hand rests on the boy’s collar as he whispers who knows what ideas into his ear. Victor looks great right now because he’s listening with a kind of smiling curiosity; he looks most like his mother when he smiles—too bad the sunshine comes out so rarely! Victor has a strong preference for Hunsden, which I think is more intense, clear-cut, and indiscriminate than any I ever had for him myself. Frances also watches with a sort of unspoken worry; while her son leans on Hunsden’s knee or rests against his shoulder, she moves around anxiously like a dove protecting its chicks from a hovering hawk. She says she wishes Hunsden had kids of his own, because then he would understand the risks of boosting their pride and indulging their quirks better.

Frances approaches my library window; puts aside the honeysuckle which half covers it, and tells me tea is ready; seeing that I continue busy she enters the room, comes near me quietly, and puts her hand on my shoulder.

Frances walks up to my library window, pushes aside the honeysuckle that partly covers it, and tells me that tea is ready. Seeing that I'm still busy, she quietly comes into the room, approaches me, and places her hand on my shoulder.

“Monsieur est trop appliqué.”

"Sir is too dedicated."

“I shall soon have done.”

"I'll be done soon."

She draws a chair near, and sits down to wait till I have finished; her presence is as pleasant to my mind as the perfume of the fresh hay and spicy flowers, as the glow of the westering sun, as the repose of the midsummer eve are to my senses.

She pulls a chair closer and sits down to wait for me to finish; having her there is as comforting to my mind as the scent of fresh hay and fragrant flowers, the warmth of the setting sun, and the peace of a midsummer evening are to my senses.

But Hunsden comes; I hear his step, and there he is, bending through the lattice, from which he has thrust away the woodbine with unsparing hand, disturbing two bees and a butterfly.

But Hunsden is here; I hear his footsteps, and there he is, leaning through the lattice, having pushed aside the vines with little care, upsetting two bees and a butterfly.

“Crimsworth! I say, Crimsworth! take that pen out of his hand, mistress, and make him lift up his head.”

“Crimsworth! I’m telling you, Crimsworth! Take that pen out of his hand, miss, and make him look up.”

“Well, Hunsden? I hear you—”

"Well, Hunsden? I hear you—"

“I was at X—— yesterday! your brother Ned is getting richer than Croesus by railway speculations; they call him in the Piece Hall a stag of ten; and I have heard from Brown. M. and Madame Vandenhuten and Jean Baptiste talk of coming to see you next month. He mentions the Pelets too; he says their domestic harmony is not the finest in the world, but in business they are doing ‘on ne peut mieux,’ which circumstance he concludes will be a sufficient consolation to both for any little crosses in the affections. Why don’t you invite the Pelets to ——shire, Crimsworth? I should so like to see your first flame, Zoraïde. Mistress, don’t be jealous, but he loved that lady to distraction; I know it for a fact. Brown says she weighs twelve stones now; you see what you’ve lost, Mr. Professor. Now, Monsieur and Madame, if you don’t come to tea, Victor and I will begin without you.”

“I was at X—— yesterday! Your brother Ned is getting richer than Croesus through railway speculations; they call him a stag of ten in the Piece Hall. I’ve also heard from Brown. M. and Madame Vandenhuten and Jean Baptiste are talking about coming to see you next month. He mentions the Pelets too; he says their domestic harmony isn’t the best in the world, but in business they’re doing ‘on ne peut mieux,’ which he believes will be enough to make up for any small issues in their romance. Why don’t you invite the Pelets to ——shire, Crimsworth? I’d love to see your first love, Zoraïde. Mistress, don’t be jealous, but he was head over heels for that lady; I know it for sure. Brown says she weighs twelve stones now; you see what you’ve missed out on, Mr. Professor. Now, Monsieur and Madame, if you don’t come to tea, Victor and I will start without you.”

“Papa, come!”

“Dad, come!”


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