This is a modern-English version of The Dark Lady of the Sonnets, originally written by Shaw, Bernard. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

Scroll to the bottom of this page and you will find a free ePUB download link for this book.





THE DARK LADY OF THE SONNETS



By Bernard Shaw















THE DARK LADY OF THE SONNETS

1910





PREFACE TO THE DARK LADY OF THE SONNETS





How the Play came to be Written

I had better explain why, in this little piece d'occasion, written for a performance in aid of the funds of the project for establishing a National Theatre as a memorial to Shakespear, I have identified the Dark Lady with Mistress Mary Fitton. First, let me say that I do not contend that the Dark Lady was Mary Fitton, because when the case in Mary's favor (or against her, if you please to consider that the Dark Lady was no better than she ought to have been) was complete, a portrait of Mary came to light and turned out to be that of a fair lady, not of a dark one. That settles the question, if the portrait is authentic, which I see no reason to doubt, and the lady's hair undyed, which is perhaps less certain. Shakespear rubbed in the lady's complexion in his sonnets mercilessly; for in his day black hair was as unpopular as red hair was in the early days of Queen Victoria. Any tinge lighter than raven black must be held fatal to the strongest claim to be the Dark Lady. And so, unless it can be shewn that Shakespear's sonnets exasperated Mary Fitton into dyeing her hair and getting painted in false colors, I must give up all pretence that my play is historical. The later suggestion of Mr Acheson that the Dark Lady, far from being a maid of honor, kept a tavern in Oxford and was the mother of Davenant the poet, is the one I should have adopted had I wished to be up to date. Why, then, did I introduce the Dark Lady as Mistress Fitton?

I should probably explain why, in this small piece d'occasion, written for a performance to support the funding for the project of establishing a National Theatre as a tribute to Shakespeare, I have linked the Dark Lady to Mistress Mary Fitton. First, let me clarify that I do not argue that the Dark Lady was Mary Fitton, because by the time the evidence supporting Mary's case (or against her, if you prefer to think the Dark Lady was less than she should have been) was fully presented, a portrait of Mary was discovered, and it turned out to depict a fair lady, not a dark one. That settles the issue, if the portrait is genuine, which I have no reason to doubt, and the lady's hair was natural, which is perhaps less certain. Shakespeare described the lady's complexion in his sonnets without mercy; in his time, black hair was as unfashionable as red hair was in the early days of Queen Victoria. Any color lighter than raven black would be detrimental to a strong claim to be the Dark Lady. Therefore, unless it can be shown that Shakespeare's sonnets drove Mary Fitton to dye her hair and get her portrait painted in false colors, I must abandon any pretense that my play is based on history. The later suggestion by Mr. Acheson that the Dark Lady, rather than being a maid of honor, ran a tavern in Oxford and was the mother of the poet Davenant is the idea I would have adopted if I wanted to be more current. So, why did I choose to present the Dark Lady as Mistress Fitton?

Well, I had two reasons. The play was not to have been written by me at all, but by Mrs Alfred Lyttelton; and it was she who suggested a scene of jealousy between Queen Elizabeth and the Dark Lady at the expense of the unfortunate Bard. Now this, if the Dark Lady was a maid of honor, was quite easy. If she were a tavern landlady, it would have strained all probability. So I stuck to Mary Fitton. But I had another and more personal reason. I was, in a manner, present at the birth of the Fitton theory. Its parent and I had become acquainted; and he used to consult me on obscure passages in the sonnets, on which, as far as I can remember, I never succeeded in throwing the faintest light, at a time when nobody else thought my opinion, on that or any other subject, of the slightest importance. I thought it would be friendly to immortalize him, as the silly literary saying is, much as Shakespear immortalized Mr W. H., as he said he would, simply by writing about him.

Well, I had two reasons. The play shouldn’t have been written by me at all, but by Mrs. Alfred Lyttelton; she was the one who suggested a scene of jealousy between Queen Elizabeth and the Dark Lady at the expense of the unfortunate Bard. Now, if the Dark Lady was a maid of honor, that was pretty straightforward. If she was a tavern landlady, it would have pushed believability. So I went with Mary Fitton. But I had another, more personal reason. I was, in a way, there at the birth of the Fitton theory. I had gotten to know its creator, and he would consult me on obscure passages in the sonnets, which, as far as I can remember, I never managed to shed any light on, at a time when no one else considered my opinion on that or any other topic remotely significant. I thought it would be kind to immortalize him, as the silly literary saying goes, much like Shakespeare immortalized Mr. W. H., as he claimed he would, simply by writing about him.

Let me tell the story formally.

Let me share the story officially.





Thomas Tyler

Throughout the eighties at least, and probably for some years before, the British Museum reading room was used daily by a gentleman of such astonishing and crushing ugliness that no one who had once seen him could ever thereafter forget him. He was of fair complexion, rather golden red than sandy; aged between forty-five and sixty; and dressed in frock coat and tall hat of presentable but never new appearance. His figure was rectangular, waistless, neckless, ankleless, of middle height, looking shortish because, though he was not particularly stout, there was nothing slender about him. His ugliness was not unamiable; it was accidental, external, excrescential. Attached to his face from the left ear to the point of his chin was a monstrous goitre, which hung down to his collar bone, and was very inadequately balanced by a smaller one on his right eyelid. Nature's malice was so overdone in his case that it somehow failed to produce the effect of repulsion it seemed to have aimed at. When you first met Thomas Tyler you could think of nothing else but whether surgery could really do nothing for him. But after a very brief acquaintance you never thought of his disfigurements at all, and talked to him as you might to Romeo or Lovelace; only, so many people, especially women, would not risk the preliminary ordeal, that he remained a man apart and a bachelor all his days. I am not to be frightened or prejudiced by a tumor; and I struck up a cordial acquaintance with him, in the course of which he kept me pretty closely on the track of his work at the Museum, in which I was then, like himself, a daily reader.

Throughout the eighties at least, and probably for some years before, the British Museum reading room was used daily by a man of such astonishing and overwhelming ugliness that no one who had seen him could ever forget him. He had a fair complexion, more golden-red than sandy; he was between forty-five and sixty years old, dressed in a frock coat and tall hat that looked presentable but were never new. His body was rectangular, without a noticeable waist, neck, or ankles, and of average height; he appeared shorter because, while he wasn't particularly heavy, there was nothing slender about him. His ugliness was not entirely unappealing; it seemed accidental, external, and excessive. Attached to his face from his left ear to his chin was a monstrous goiter, which hung down to his collarbone, poorly balanced by a smaller one on his right eyelid. Nature's harshness seemed to have backfired in his case, failing to create the repulsion it intended. When you first met Thomas Tyler, you could only think about whether surgery could really help him. But after a brief acquaintance, you stopped noticing his disfigurements and talked to him as you would to Romeo or Lovelace; however, many people, especially women, wouldn’t risk the initial awkwardness, leaving him a solitary figure and a lifelong bachelor. I refused to be put off or biased by a tumor, and I formed a friendly acquaintance with him, during which he kept me well-informed about his work at the Museum, where I was also a daily reader.

He was by profession a man of letters of an uncommercial kind. He was a specialist in pessimism; had made a translation of Ecclesiastes of which eight copies a year were sold; and followed up the pessimism of Shakespear and Swift with keen interest. He delighted in a hideous conception which he called the theory of the cycles, according to which the history of mankind and the universe keeps eternally repeating itself without the slightest variation throughout all eternity; so that he had lived and died and had his goitre before and would live and die and have it again and again and again. He liked to believe that nothing that happened to him was completely novel: he was persuaded that he often had some recollection of its previous occurrence in the last cycle. He hunted out allusions to this favorite theory in his three favorite pessimists. He tried his hand occasionally at deciphering ancient inscriptions, reading them as people seem to read the stars, by discovering bears and bulls and swords and goats where, as it seems to me, no sane human being can see anything but stars higgledy-piggledy. Next to the translation of Ecclesiastes, his magnum opus was his work on Shakespear's Sonnets, in which he accepted a previous identification of Mr W. H., the "onlie begetter" of the sonnets, with the Earl of Pembroke (William Herbert), and promulgated his own identification of Mistress Mary Fitton with the Dark Lady. Whether he was right or wrong about the Dark Lady did not matter urgently to me: she might have been Maria Tompkins for all I cared. But Tyler would have it that she was Mary Fitton; and he tracked Mary down from the first of her marriages in her teens to her tomb in Cheshire, whither he made a pilgrimage and whence returned in triumph with a picture of her statue, and the news that he was convinced she was a dark lady by traces of paint still discernible.

He was a writer of a non-commercial nature. He specialized in pessimism and had translated Ecclesiastes, selling about eight copies a year. He followed the pessimism of Shakespeare and Swift with great interest. He was fascinated by a grim idea he called the theory of cycles, which proposed that the history of humanity and the universe endlessly repeats itself without any change for all eternity; meaning he had lived, died, and dealt with his goiter before, and would live, die, and experience it again and again. He liked to think that nothing that happened to him was truly new: he believed that he often had some memory of it happening before in a previous cycle. He sought out references to this favorite theory in his top three pessimists. Occasionally, he attempted to decode ancient inscriptions, reading them as some people read the stars—finding bears, bulls, swords, and goats where, in my view, only a jumbled mess of stars could be seen. Aside from his translation of Ecclesiastes, his magnum opus was his work on Shakespeare's Sonnets, where he accepted a previous identification of Mr. W. H., the "only begetter" of the sonnets, with the Earl of Pembroke (William Herbert) and proposed his own identification of Mistress Mary Fitton as the Dark Lady. Whether he was right or wrong about the Dark Lady didn't particularly matter to me: she could have been Maria Tompkins for all I cared. But Tyler insisted she was Mary Fitton; he traced her from her first marriage as a teenager to her tomb in Cheshire, where he made a pilgrimage and returned triumphantly with a picture of her statue and news that he was convinced she was a dark lady based on traces of paint still visible.

In due course he published his edition of the Sonnets, with the evidence he had collected. He lent me a copy of the book, which I never returned. But I reviewed it in the Pall Mall Gazette on the 7th of January 1886, and thereby let loose the Fitton theory in a wider circle of readers than the book could reach. Then Tyler died, sinking unnoted like a stone in the sea. I observed that Mr Acheson, Mrs Davenant's champion, calls him Reverend. It may very well be that he got his knowledge of Hebrew in reading for the Church; and there was always something of the clergyman or the schoolmaster in his dress and air. Possibly he may actually have been ordained. But he never told me that or anything else about his affairs; and his black pessimism would have shot him violently out of any church at present established in the West. We never talked about affairs: we talked about Shakespear, and the Dark Lady, and Swift, and Koheleth, and the cycles, and the mysterious moments when a feeling came over us that this had happened to us before, and about the forgeries of the Pentateuch which were offered for sale to the British Museum, and about literature and things of the spirit generally. He always came to my desk at the Museum and spoke to me about something or other, no doubt finding that people who were keen on this sort of conversation were rather scarce. He remains a vivid spot of memory in the void of my forgetfulness, a quite considerable and dignified soul in a grotesquely disfigured body.

In time, he published his edition of the Sonnets, along with the evidence he had gathered. He lent me a copy of the book, which I never returned. But I reviewed it in the Pall Mall Gazette on January 7, 1886, and that allowed the Fitton theory to reach a much larger audience than the book could on its own. Then Tyler passed away, unnoticed, like a stone sinking into the sea. I noticed that Mr. Acheson, Mrs. Davenant's supporter, refers to him as Reverend. It’s possible he learned Hebrew while studying for the Church; he always had a bit of the clergyman or schoolmaster in his style and demeanor. He may have actually been ordained. But he never mentioned that or anything else about his life to me; his deep pessimism would have made him feel out of place in any church currently established in the West. We never discussed personal matters; we talked about Shakespeare, the Dark Lady, Swift, Koheleth, the cycles, and those mysterious moments when we felt like we had experienced something before. We also talked about the forgeries of the Pentateuch that were offered for sale to the British Museum, literature, and spiritual topics in general. He would always come to my desk at the Museum and chat with me about various subjects, probably finding that people interested in these conversations were pretty rare. He remains a vivid memory amidst my forgetfulness, a substantial and dignified soul in a grotesquely disfigured body.





Frank Harris

To the review in the Pall Mall Gazette I attribute, rightly or wrongly, the introduction of Mary Fitton to Mr Frank Harris. My reason for this is that Mr Harris wrote a play about Shakespear and Mary Fitton; and when I, as a pious duty to Tyler's ghost, reminded the world that it was to Tyler we owed the Fitton theory, Frank Harris, who clearly had not a notion of what had first put Mary into his head, believed, I think, that I had invented Tyler expressly for his discomfiture; for the stress I laid on Tyler's claims must have seemed unaccountable and perhaps malicious on the assumption that he was to me a mere name among the thousands of names in the British Museum catalogue. Therefore I make it clear that I had and have personal reasons for remembering Tyler, and for regarding myself as in some sort charged with the duty of reminding the world of his work. I am sorry for his sake that Mary's portrait is fair, and that Mr W. H. has veered round again from Pembroke to Southampton; but even so his work was not wasted: it is by exhausting all the hypotheses that we reach the verifiable one; and after all, the wrong road always leads somewhere.

To the review in the Pall Mall Gazette, I attribute, right or wrong, the introduction of Mary Fitton to Mr. Frank Harris. My reasoning is that Mr. Harris wrote a play about Shakespeare and Mary Fitton; and when I, as a pious duty to Tyler's ghost, reminded everyone that it was to Tyler we owed the Fitton theory, Frank Harris, who clearly had no idea what originally put Mary in his mind, believed, I think, that I had invented Tyler just to mess with him; because the emphasis I placed on Tyler's claims must have seemed strange and perhaps spiteful, assuming he was just a name among the thousands of names in the British Museum catalog. So, I want to make it clear that I had and have personal reasons for remembering Tyler and for seeing myself as somewhat responsible for reminding the world of his work. I'm sorry for him that Mary's portrait is attractive and that Mr. W. H. has shifted back from Pembroke to Southampton; but even so, his work wasn’t in vain: it's by exploring all the possibilities that we arrive at the one we can verify; and after all, the wrong path always leads somewhere.

Frank Harris's play was written long before mine. I read it in manuscript before the Shakespear Memorial National Theatre was mooted; and if there is anything except the Fitton theory (which is Tyler's property) in my play which is also in Mr Harris's it was I who annexed it from him and not he from me. It does not matter anyhow, because this play of mine is a brief trifle, and full of manifest impossibilities at that; whilst Mr Harris's play is serious both in size, intention, and quality. But there could not in the nature of things be much resemblance, because Frank conceives Shakespear to have been a broken-hearted, melancholy, enormously sentimental person, whereas I am convinced that he was very like myself: in fact, if I had been born in 1556 instead of in 1856, I should have taken to blank verse and given Shakespear a harder run for his money than all the other Elizabethans put together. Yet the success of Frank Harris's book on Shakespear gave me great delight.

Frank Harris's play was written long before mine. I read it in manuscript before the Shakespeare Memorial National Theatre was even suggested; and if there's anything in my play, except for the Fitton theory (which belongs to Tyler), that overlaps with Mr. Harris's, it was I who borrowed it from him, not the other way around. But it doesn’t really matter because my play is just a light piece and full of obvious impossibilities; while Mr. Harris's play is serious in size, intent, and quality. There couldn’t be much similarity anyway, since Frank believes Shakespeare was a heartbroken, melancholy, overly sentimental person, while I think he was very much like me. In fact, if I had been born in 1556 instead of 1856, I would have turned to blank verse and given Shakespeare a tougher challenge than all the other Elizabethans combined. Still, I was very pleased with the success of Frank Harris's book on Shakespeare.

To those who know the literary world of London there was a sharp stroke of ironic comedy in the irresistible verdict in its favor. In critical literature there is one prize that is always open to competition, one blue ribbon that always carries the highest critical rank with it. To win, you must write the best book of your generation on Shakespear. It is felt on all sides that to do this a certain fastidious refinement, a delicacy of taste, a correctness of manner and tone, and high academic distinction in addition to the indispensable scholarship and literary reputation, are needed; and men who pretend to these qualifications are constantly looked to with a gentle expectation that presently they will achieve the great feat. Now if there is a man on earth who is the utter contrary of everything that this description implies; whose very existence is an insult to the ideal it realizes; whose eye disparages, whose resonant voice denounces, whose cold shoulder jostles every decency, every delicacy, every amenity, every dignity, every sweet usage of that quiet life of mutual admiration in which perfect Shakespearian appreciation is expected to arise, that man is Frank Harris. Here is one who is extraordinarily qualified, by a range of sympathy and understanding that extends from the ribaldry of a buccaneer to the shyest tendernesses of the most sensitive poetry, to be all things to all men, yet whose proud humor it is to be to every man, provided the man is eminent and pretentious, the champion of his enemies. To the Archbishop he is an atheist, to the atheist a Catholic mystic, to the Bismarckian Imperialist an Anacharsis Klootz, to Anacharsis Klootz a Washington, to Mrs Proudie a Don Juan, to Aspasia a John Knox: in short, to everyone his complement rather than his counterpart, his antagonist rather than his fellow-creature. Always provided, however, that the persons thus confronted are respectable persons. Sophie Perovskaia, who perished on the scaffold for blowing Alexander II to fragments, may perhaps have echoed Hamlet's

To those familiar with London's literary scene, there was a sharp streak of ironic humor in the overwhelming support for it. In literary criticism, there's one prize that remains constantly available, one blue ribbon that consistently represents the highest level of critical acclaim. To win it, you need to write the best book about Shakespeare of your generation. It’s widely believed that achieving this requires a certain refined taste, a delicate sensibility, an appropriate manner and tone, along with a strong academic background, in addition to the essential scholarly knowledge and literary reputation. Men who claim to possess these qualities are often looked to with gentle anticipation, as people expect them to accomplish this remarkable feat. Now, if there’s anyone on earth who is the complete opposite of what this description implies—whose very existence contradicts the ideal it embodies; whose gaze belittles, whose powerful voice condemns, whose dismissive attitude brushes aside every bit of decency, delicacy, courtesy, dignity, and the civilities of that quiet life of mutual admiration where true appreciation of Shakespeare is expected to flourish—it’s Frank Harris. He is uniquely equipped, with a wide range of empathy and comprehension spanning from the raucousness of a pirate to the tenderest emotions found in the most sensitive poetry, to be everything to everyone. Yet his proud humor lies in being, to every person—provided they are distinguished and self-important—the champion of his foes. To the Archbishop, he is an atheist; to the atheist, he is a Catholic mystic; to the Bismarckian Imperialist, he’s an Anacharsis Klootz; to Anacharsis Klootz, he’s a Washington; to Mrs. Proudie, he’s a Don Juan; to Aspasia, he’s a John Knox: in short, to everyone he’s more of a complement than a counterpart, more of an adversary than a fellow human being. However, this is only true as long as the individuals in question are respectable. Sophie Perovskaia, who was executed for blowing Alexander II to pieces, might have echoed Hamlet's

     Oh God, Horatio, what a wounded name—
     Things standing thus unknown—I leave behind!
     Oh God, Horatio, what a damaged reputation—  
     Things left like this, unknown—I’m walking away!

but Frank Harris, in his Sonia, has rescued her from that injustice, and enshrined her among the saints. He has lifted the Chicago anarchists out of their infamy, and shewn that, compared with the Capitalism that killed them, they were heroes and martyrs. He has done this with the most unusual power of conviction. The story, as he tells it, inevitably and irresistibly displaces all the vulgar, mean, purblind, spiteful versions. There is a precise realism and an unsmiling, measured, determined sincerity which gives a strange dignity to the work of one whose fixed practice and ungovernable impulse it is to kick conventional dignity whenever he sees it.

but Frank Harris, in his Sonia, has saved her from that injustice and placed her among the saints. He has lifted the Chicago anarchists out of their disgrace and shown that, compared to the Capitalism that killed them, they were heroes and martyrs. He has done this with an extraordinary power of conviction. The story, as he tells it, inevitably and irresistibly replaces all the shallow, petty, narrow-minded, and spiteful versions. There is a precise realism and an unsmiling, measured, determined sincerity that gives a strange dignity to the work of someone whose constant practice and uncontrollable impulse is to challenge conventional dignity whenever he sees it.





Harris "durch Mitleid wissend"

Frank Harris is everything except a humorist, not, apparently, from stupidity, but because scorn overcomes humor in him. Nobody ever dreamt of reproaching Milton's Lucifer for not seeing the comic side of his fall; and nobody who has read Mr Harris's stories desires to have them lightened by chapters from the hand of Artemus Ward. Yet he knows the taste and the value of humor. He was one of the few men of letters who really appreciated Oscar Wilde, though he did not rally fiercely to Wilde's side until the world deserted Oscar in his ruin. I myself was present at a curious meeting between the two, when Harris, on the eve of the Queensberry trial, prophesied to Wilde with miraculous precision exactly what immediately afterwards happened to him, and warned him to leave the country. It was the first time within my knowledge that such a forecast proved true. Wilde, though under no illusion as to the folly of the quite unselfish suit-at-law he had been persuaded to begin, nevertheless so miscalculated the force of the social vengeance he was unloosing on himself that he fancied it could be stayed by putting up the editor of The Saturday Review (as Mr Harris then was) to declare that he considered Dorian Grey a highly moral book, which it certainly is. When Harris foretold him the truth, Wilde denounced him as a fainthearted friend who was failing him in his hour of need, and left the room in anger. Harris's idiosyncratic power of pity saved him from feeling or shewing the smallest resentment; and events presently proved to Wilde how insanely he had been advised in taking the action, and how accurately Harris had gauged the situation.

Frank Harris is everything but a humorist, not due to stupidity, but because contempt overrides humor for him. No one ever thought to blame Milton's Lucifer for not seeing the funny side of his fall, and anyone who has read Mr. Harris's stories doesn't want them lightened by chapters from Artemus Ward. Still, he knows the taste and value of humor. He was one of the few writers who genuinely appreciated Oscar Wilde, although he didn’t strongly support Wilde until the world turned its back on him during his downfall. I was there for a strange meeting between the two when Harris, just before the Queensberry trial, accurately predicted what would happen to Wilde and warned him to leave the country. It was the first time I’d seen such a forecast come true. Wilde, despite knowing the ridiculousness of the completely selfless lawsuit he had been persuaded to start, still underestimated the social revenge he was unleashing on himself. He thought it could be stopped by having the editor of The Saturday Review (who was Mr. Harris at the time) declare that he believed Dorian Gray was a highly moral book, which it undeniably is. When Harris told him the truth, Wilde accused him of being a cowardly friend, failing him in his time of need, and stormed out in anger. Harris's unique ability to feel pity kept him from showing any resentment, and events soon showed Wilde how wildly misguided his actions were and how accurately Harris had understood the situation.

The same capacity for pity governs Harris's study of Shakespear, whom, as I have said, he pities too much; but that he is not insensible to humor is shewn not only by his appreciation of Wilde, but by the fact that the group of contributors who made his editorship of The Saturday Review so remarkable, and of whom I speak none the less highly because I happened to be one of them myself, were all, in their various ways, humorists.

The same ability to feel pity guides Harris's study of Shakespeare, whom, as I mentioned, he feels sorry for too much; however, his awareness of humor is evident not only in his appreciation of Wilde but also in the fact that the group of contributors who made his editorship of The Saturday Review so notable, and whom I still commend even though I was one of them, were all, in their different ways, humorists.





"Sidney's Sister: Pembroke's Mother"

And now to return to Shakespear. Though Mr Harris followed Tyler in identifying Mary Fitton as the Dark Lady, and the Earl of Pembroke as the addressee of the other sonnets and the man who made love successfully to Shakespear's mistress, he very characteristically refuses to follow Tyler on one point, though for the life of me I cannot remember whether it was one of the surmises which Tyler published, or only one which he submitted to me to see what I would say about it, just as he used to submit difficult lines from the sonnets.

And now let's go back to Shakespeare. Although Mr. Harris agreed with Tyler in identifying Mary Fitton as the Dark Lady and the Earl of Pembroke as the person addressed in the other sonnets and the man who successfully wooed Shakespeare's mistress, he distinctly chooses not to agree with Tyler on one point. For the life of me, I can’t recall if it was one of the guesses that Tyler published or just one he showed me to get my opinion, similar to how he used to ask about difficult lines from the sonnets.

This surmise was that "Sidney's sister: Pembroke's mother" set Shakespear on to persuade Pembroke to marry, and that this was the explanation of those earlier sonnets which so persistently and unnaturally urged matrimony on Mr W. H. I take this to be one of the brightest of Tyler's ideas, because the persuasions in the sonnets are unaccountable and out of character unless they were offered to please somebody whom Shakespear desired to please, and who took a motherly interest in Pembroke. There is a further temptation in the theory for me. The most charming of all Shakespear's old women, indeed the most charming of all his women, young or old, is the Countess of Rousillon in All's Well That Ends Well. It has a certain individuality among them which suggests a portrait. Mr Harris will have it that all Shakespear's nice old women are drawn from his beloved mother; but I see no evidence whatever that Shakespear's mother was a particularly nice woman or that he was particularly fond of her. That she was a simple incarnation of extravagant maternal pride like the mother of Coriolanus in Plutarch, as Mr Harris asserts, I cannot believe: she is quite as likely to have borne her son a grudge for becoming "one of these harlotry players" and disgracing the Ardens. Anyhow, as a conjectural model for the Countess of Rousillon, I prefer that one of whom Jonson wrote

This assumption is that "Sidney's sister: Pembroke's mother" motivated Shakespeare to convince Pembroke to get married, which explains those earlier sonnets that so insistently and oddly pushed Mr. W. H. toward matrimony. I think this is one of Tyler's best ideas because the urgings in the sonnets don't make sense and feel out of character unless they were meant to please someone Shakespeare wanted to impress, who had a motherly interest in Pembroke. Additionally, this theory intrigues me further. The most delightful of all Shakespeare's older women, and indeed the most captivating among all his female characters, young or old, is the Countess of Rousillon in All's Well That Ends Well. She has a distinctiveness that suggests a real portrait. Mr. Harris insists that all of Shakespeare's lovely older women are based on his cherished mother; however, I see no evidence that Shakespeare's mother was particularly nice or that he held her in high regard. I can't believe she was simply a display of excessive maternal pride like Coriolanus' mother in Plutarch, as Mr. Harris claims; she is just as likely to have resented her son for becoming "one of those harlotry players" and bringing shame to the Ardens. Anyway, as a speculated inspiration for the Countess of Rousillon, I prefer the one Jonson wrote about.

     Sidney's sister:  Pembroke's mother:
     Death:  ere thou has slain another,
     Learnd and fair and good as she,
     Time shall throw a dart at thee.
     Sidney's sister:  Pembroke's mother:
     Death:  before you take another life,
     Learned, beautiful, and virtuous as she,
     Time will strike you down.

But Frank will not have her at any price, because his ideal Shakespear is rather like a sailor in a melodrama; and a sailor in a melodrama must adore his mother. I do not at all belittle such sailors. They are the emblems of human generosity; but Shakespear was not an emblem: he was a man and the author of Hamlet, who had no illusions about his mother. In weak moments one almost wishes he had.

But Frank won’t take her no matter what, because his ideal Shakespeare is more like a sailor in a melodrama; and a sailor in a melodrama must love his mother. I don’t want to downplay those sailors. They represent human kindness, but Shakespeare wasn’t just a representation: he was a man and the author of Hamlet, who had no delusions about his mother. In weak moments, you almost wish he did.





Shakespear's Social Standing

On the vexed question of Shakespear's social standing Mr Harris says that Shakespear "had not had the advantage of a middle-class training." I suggest that Shakespear missed this questionable advantage, not because he was socially too low to have attained to it, but because he conceived himself as belonging to the upper class from which our public school boys are now drawn. Let Mr Harris survey for a moment the field of contemporary journalism. He will see there some men who have the very characteristics from which he infers that Shakespear was at a social disadvantage through his lack of middle-class training. They are rowdy, ill-mannered, abusive, mischievous, fond of quoting obscene schoolboy anecdotes, adepts in that sort of blackmail which consists in mercilessly libelling and insulting every writer whose opinions are sufficiently heterodox to make it almost impossible for him to risk perhaps five years of a slender income by an appeal to a prejudiced orthodox jury; and they see nothing in all this cruel blackguardism but an uproariously jolly rag, although they are by no means without genuine literary ability, a love of letters, and even some artistic conscience. But he will find not one of the models of his type (I say nothing of mere imitators of it) below the rank that looks at the middle class, not humbly and enviously from below, but insolently from above. Mr Harris himself notes Shakespear's contempt for the tradesman and mechanic, and his incorrigible addiction to smutty jokes. He does us the public service of sweeping away the familiar plea of the Bardolatrous ignoramus, that Shakespear's coarseness was part of the manners of his time, putting his pen with precision on the one name, Spenser, that is necessary to expose such a libel on Elizabethan decency. There was nothing whatever to prevent Shakespear from being as decent as More was before him, or Bunyan after him, and as self-respecting as Raleigh or Sidney, except the tradition of his class, in which education or statesmanship may no doubt be acquired by those who have a turn for them, but in which insolence, derision, profligacy, obscene jesting, debt contracting, and rowdy mischievousness, give continual scandal to the pious, serious, industrious, solvent bourgeois. No other class is infatuated enough to believe that gentlemen are born and not made by a very elaborate process of culture. Even kings are taught and coached and drilled from their earliest boyhood to play their part. But the man of family (I am convinced that Shakespear took that view of himself) will plunge into society without a lesson in table manners, into politics without a lesson in history, into the city without a lesson in business, and into the army without a lesson in honor.

On the complicated issue of Shakespeare's social standing, Mr. Harris claims that Shakespeare "did not benefit from a middle-class upbringing." I propose that Shakespeare lacked this questionable benefit, not because he was socially too low to access it, but because he saw himself as part of the upper class from which our public school boys are currently drawn. Let Mr. Harris take a moment to look at today's journalism. He will find some individuals who possess the very traits he uses to argue that Shakespeare was at a social disadvantage due to his lack of middle-class training. They are loud, rude, abusive, mischievous, fond of quoting inappropriate schoolboy stories, skilled in that type of blackmail that involves ruthlessly defaming and insulting any writer whose views are radical enough that it becomes nearly impossible for them to risk perhaps five years of a meager income by appealing to a biased traditional jury; and they see nothing in this cruel behavior but a raucously fun joke, despite having real literary talent, a love for literature, and even a sense of artistic integrity. However, he won’t find a single example of his type (and I say nothing about mere imitators) that comes from a rank that looks up at the middle class, not with humility and envy from below, but with arrogance from above. Mr. Harris himself points out Shakespeare's disdain for tradesmen and mechanics, as well as his unshakeable fondness for crude jokes. He does us the public service of dismissing the familiar argument from the Bardolatrous ignoramus, that Shakespeare's coarseness was typical of his time, precisely identifying the one name, Spenser, that is necessary to disprove such an insult to Elizabethan decency. There was nothing stopping Shakespeare from being as respectable as More before him or Bunyan after him, and as self-respecting as Raleigh or Sidney, except for the customs of his class, where education or statesmanship can certainly be pursued by those inclined towards them, but where arrogance, mockery, debauchery, crude joking, accumulating debt, and rowdy mischief constantly scandalize the pious, serious, hardworking, solvent bourgeois. No other class is deluded enough to think that gentlemen are born rather than shaped through a thorough process of cultivation. Even kings are taught, trained, and prepared from their earliest childhood to fulfill their roles. But the man from a family (I believe Shakespeare saw himself this way) will dive into society without any lessons in etiquette, into politics without any lessons in history, into business without any lessons in commerce, and into the military without any lessons in honor.

It has been said, with the object of proving Shakespear a laborer, that he could hardly write his name. Why? Because he "had not the advantage of a middle-class training." Shakespear himself tells us, through Hamlet, that gentlemen purposely wrote badly lest they should be mistaken for scriveners; but most of them, then as now, wrote badly because they could not write any better. In short, the whole range of Shakespear's foibles: the snobbishness, the naughtiness, the contempt for tradesmen and mechanics, the assumption that witty conversation can only mean smutty conversation, the flunkeyism towards social superiors and insolence towards social inferiors, the easy ways with servants which is seen not only between The Two Gentlemen of Verona and their valets, but in the affection and respect inspired by a great servant like Adam: all these are the characteristics of Eton and Harrow, not of the public elementary or private adventure school. They prove, as everything we know about Shakespear suggests, that he thought of the Shakespears and Ardens as families of consequence, and regarded himself as a gentleman under a cloud through his father's ill luck in business, and never for a moment as a man of the people. This is at once the explanation of and excuse for his snobbery. He was not a parvenu trying to cover his humble origin with a purchased coat of arms: he was a gentleman resuming what he conceived to be his natural position as soon as he gained the means to keep it up.

It has been said, in an attempt to prove that Shakespeare was just a worker, that he could barely write his name. Why? Because he "didn't have the benefit of a middle-class education." Shakespeare himself tells us, through Hamlet, that gentlemen intentionally wrote poorly to avoid being mistaken for scribes; but most of them, back then as now, wrote poorly because they simply couldn't write any better. In short, all of Shakespeare's quirks—the snobbishness, the mischief, the disdain for tradespeople and craftsmen, the assumption that clever conversation is synonymous with crude conversation, the fawning behavior toward social superiors and the insolence toward social inferiors, the casual interactions with servants that are evident not only between The Two Gentlemen of Verona and their servants but also in the affection and respect shown to a great servant like Adam—are characteristics of Eton and Harrow, not of public elementary or alternative schools. They indicate, as everything we know about Shakespeare suggests, that he saw the Shakespears and Ardens as notable families and viewed himself as a gentleman down on his luck due to his father's business failures, and never for a second considered himself a man of the people. This explains and justifies his snobbery. He wasn't a social climber trying to hide his humble beginnings with a bought coat of arms; he was a gentleman reclaiming what he believed to be his rightful status as soon as he had the means to maintain it.





This Side Idolatry

There is another matter which I think Mr Harris should ponder. He says that Shakespear was but "little esteemed by his own generation." He even describes Jonson's description of his "little Latin and less Greek" as a sneer, whereas it occurs in an unmistakably sincere eulogy of Shakespear, written after his death, and is clearly meant to heighten the impression of Shakespear's prodigious natural endowments by pointing out that they were not due to scholastic acquirements. Now there is a sense in which it is true enough that Shakespear was too little esteemed by his own generation, or, for the matter of that, by any subsequent generation. The bargees on the Regent's Canal do not chant Shakespear's verses as the gondoliers in Venice are said to chant the verses of Tasso (a practice which was suspended for some reason during my stay in Venice: at least no gondolier ever did it in my hearing). Shakespear is no more a popular author than Rodin is a popular sculptor or Richard Strauss a popular composer. But Shakespear was certainly not such a fool as to expect the Toms, Dicks, and Harrys of his time to be any more interested in dramatic poetry than Newton, later on, expected them to be interested in fluxions. And when we come to the question whether Shakespear missed that assurance which all great men have had from the more capable and susceptible members of their generation that they were great men, Ben Jonson's evidence disposes of so improbable a notion at once and for ever. "I loved the man," says Ben, "this side idolatry, as well as any." Now why in the name of common sense should he have made that qualification unless there had been, not only idolatry, but idolatry fulsome enough to irritate Jonson into an express disavowal of it? Jonson, the bricklayer, must have felt sore sometimes when Shakespear spoke and wrote of bricklayers as his inferiors. He must have felt it a little hard that being a better scholar, and perhaps a braver and tougher man physically than Shakespear, he was not so successful or so well liked. But in spite of this he praised Shakespear to the utmost stretch of his powers of eulogy: in fact, notwithstanding his disclaimer, he did not stop "this side idolatry." If, therefore, even Jonson felt himself forced to clear himself of extravagance and absurdity in his appreciation of Shakespear, there must have been many people about who idolized Shakespear as American ladies idolize Paderewski, and who carried Bardolatry, even in the Bard's own time, to an extent that threatened to make his reasonable admirers ridiculous.

There’s another thing I think Mr. Harris should think about. He claims that Shakespeare was "little esteemed by his own generation." He even interprets Jonson's comment on his "little Latin and less Greek" as a jab, when it's clearly part of a heartfelt tribute to Shakespeare, written after his death, meant to emphasize Shakespeare's incredible natural talent rather than academic achievements. Now, in some ways, it’s true that Shakespeare wasn’t appreciated enough by his own time, or any time after that. The bargemen on the Regent's Canal don’t recite Shakespeare’s lines like the gondoliers in Venice supposedly recite Tasso's (although this practice mysteriously stopped during my visit to Venice; at least no gondolier did it while I was there). Shakespeare isn't more popular than Rodin is as a sculptor or Richard Strauss as a composer. But Shakespeare wasn’t so naive as to expect the average Toms, Dicks, and Harrys of his time to be any more interested in dramatic poetry than Newton later expected them to understand calculus. When we consider whether Shakespeare lacked the confidence that all great individuals receive from the more talented and receptive people of their time – that they are indeed great – Ben Jonson’s words immediately dismiss such an unlikely idea. "I loved the man," says Ben, "this side of idolatry, as well as any." So why would he make that distinction unless there was some level of idolatry so excessive that it annoyed Jonson enough to explicitly deny it? Jonson, the bricklayer, must have felt hurt at times when Shakespeare referred to bricklayers as his inferiors. He probably thought it was a bit unfair that, being a better scholar and maybe a braver and physically tougher man than Shakespeare, he wasn’t as successful or liked. Yet, despite this, he praised Shakespeare to the fullest extent of his ability to flatter: in fact, despite his disclaimer, he didn't stay "this side of idolatry." Therefore, if even Jonson felt the need to distance himself from excessive and ridiculous admiration for Shakespeare, there must have been plenty of people back then who idolized Shakespeare like American women idolize Paderewski, and who took Bardolatry to a level that risked making his more rational fans look foolish.





Shakespear's Pessimism

I submit to Mr Harris that by ruling out this idolatry, and its possible effect in making Shakespear think that his public would stand anything from him, he has ruled out a far more plausible explanation of the faults of such a play as Timon of Athens than his theory that Shakespear's passion for the Dark Lady "cankered and took on proud flesh in him, and tortured him to nervous breakdown and madness." In Timon the intellectual bankruptcy is obvious enough: Shakespear tried once too often to make a play out of the cheap pessimism which is thrown into despair by a comparison of actual human nature with theoretical morality, actual law and administration with abstract justice, and so forth. But Shakespear's perception of the fact that all men, judged by the moral standard which they apply to others and by which they justify their punishment of others, are fools and scoundrels, does not date from the Dark Lady complication: he seems to have been born with it. If in The Comedy of Errors and A Midsummer Night's Dream the persons of the drama are not quite so ready for treachery and murder as Laertes and even Hamlet himself (not to mention the procession of ruffians who pass through the latest plays) it is certainly not because they have any more regard for law or religion. There is only one place in Shakespear's plays where the sense of shame is used as a human attribute; and that is where Hamlet is ashamed, not of anything he himself has done, but of his mother's relations with his uncle. This scene is an unnatural one: the son's reproaches to his mother, even the fact of his being able to discuss the subject with her, is more repulsive than her relations with her deceased husband's brother.

I argue to Mr. Harris that by dismissing this idolatry and its potential impact in convincing Shakespeare that his audience would accept anything from him, he has overlooked a much more believable explanation for the flaws in a play like *Timon of Athens* than his theory that Shakespeare's obsession with the Dark Lady "ate away at him and led him to a nervous breakdown and madness." In *Timon*, the intellectual emptiness is pretty clear: Shakespeare tried one too many times to create a play out of the cheap pessimism that plunges into despair when comparing real human nature with ideal morality, actual law and governance with abstract justice, and so on. However, Shakespeare's understanding that all people, judged by the moral standards they apply to others to justify punishing them, are fools and scoundrels, doesn't stem from the Dark Lady issue; it seems to be something he was born with. In *The Comedy of Errors* and *A Midsummer Night's Dream*, while the characters aren't as quick to commit treachery and murder as Laertes or even Hamlet himself (not to mention the parade of villains seen in his later plays), it's certainly not because they have any greater respect for law or religion. There's only one moment in Shakespeare's plays where the sense of shame is portrayed as a human trait, and that's when Hamlet feels ashamed, not for anything he has done, but for his mother's relationship with his uncle. This scene feels unnatural: the son's accusations toward his mother, even the mere fact that he can discuss the subject with her, is more off-putting than her affair with her late husband's brother.

Here, too, Shakespear betrays for once his religious sense by making Hamlet, in his agony of shame, declare that his mother's conduct makes "sweet religion a rhapsody of words." But for that passage we might almost suppose that the feeling of Sunday morning in the country which Orlando describes so perfectly in As You Like It was the beginning and end of Shakespear's notion of religion. I say almost, because Isabella in Measure for Measure has religious charm, in spite of the conventional theatrical assumption that female religion means an inhumanly ferocious chastity. But for the most part Shakespear differentiates his heroes from his villains much more by what they do than by what they are. Don John in Much Ado is a true villain: a man with a malicious will; but he is too dull a duffer to be of any use in a leading part; and when we come to the great villains like Macbeth, we find, as Mr Harris points out, that they are precisely identical with the heroes: Macbeth is only Hamlet incongruously committing murders and engaging in hand-to-hand combats. And Hamlet, who does not dream of apologizing for the three murders he commits, is always apologizing because he has not yet committed a fourth, and finds, to his great bewilderment, that he does not want to commit it. "It cannot be," he says, "but I am pigeon-livered, and lack gall to make oppression bitter; else, ere this, I should have fatted all the region kites with this slave's offal." Really one is tempted to suspect that when Shylock asks "Hates any man the thing he would not kill?" he is expressing the natural and proper sentiments of the human race as Shakespear understood them, and not the vindictiveness of a stage Jew.

Here, too, Shakespeare reveals his religious feelings when Hamlet, in his intense shame, says that his mother's actions make "sweet religion a bunch of empty words." If it weren't for that line, we might think that the peaceful feeling of Sunday morning in the countryside, which Orlando describes so beautifully in As You Like It, was the whole of Shakespeare's idea of religion. I say almost, because Isabella in Measure for Measure has a religious charm, despite the common theatrical stereotype that female piety means an inhumane and fierce chastity. But mostly, Shakespeare distinguishes his heroes from his villains more by their actions than by their identities. Don John in Much Ado is a true villain: a man with malicious intent; but he’s too much of a dullard to play a significant role. When we get to the great villains like Macbeth, we see, as Mr. Harris points out, that they are essentially the same as the heroes: Macbeth is just Hamlet awkwardly committing murders and fighting in close combat. And Hamlet, who never thinks to excuse himself for the three murders he has committed, is always apologizing for not having committed a fourth and finds, to his great confusion, that he doesn’t actually want to do it. "It cannot be," he says, "but I am soft-hearted and lack the bitterness to make oppression painful; otherwise, by now, I would have filled the skies with this slave's remains." It's hard not to suspect that when Shylock asks, "Does anyone hate a person they wouldn't kill?" he is voicing the natural and honest feelings of humanity as Shakespeare understood them, rather than the spitefulness of a stereotypical stage Jew.





Gaiety of Genius

In view of these facts, it is dangerous to cite Shakespear's pessimism as evidence of the despair of a heart broken by the Dark Lady. There is an irrepressible gaiety of genius which enables it to bear the whole weight of the world's misery without blenching. There is a laugh always ready to avenge its tears of discouragement. In the lines which Mr Harris quotes only to declare that he can make nothing of them, and to condemn them as out of character, Richard III, immediately after pitying himself because

In light of these facts, it's risky to point to Shakespeare's pessimism as proof of a heart shattered by the Dark Lady. There’s an unstoppable joy in genius that allows it to handle the entire burden of the world's pain without flinching. There's always a laugh ready to respond to its moments of discouragement. In the lines that Mr. Harris quotes only to say he can’t understand them and to criticize them as out of character, Richard III, right after feeling sorry for himself because

     There is no creature loves me
     And if I die no soul will pity me,
There is no creature that loves me  
And if I die, no one will care about me,  

adds, with a grin,

adds with a smile,

     Nay, wherefore should they, since that I myself
     Find in myself no pity for myself?
     No, why should they, when I find no pity for myself?

Let me again remind Mr Harris of Oscar Wilde. We all dreaded to read De Profundis: our instinct was to stop our ears, or run away from the wail of a broken, though by no means contrite, heart. But we were throwing away our pity. De Profundis was de profundis indeed: Wilde was too good a dramatist to throw away so powerful an effect; but none the less it was de profundis in excelsis. There was more laughter between the lines of that book than in a thousand farces by men of no genius. Wilde, like Richard and Shakespear, found in himself no pity for himself. There is nothing that marks the born dramatist more unmistakably than this discovery of comedy in his own misfortunes almost in proportion to the pathos with which the ordinary man announces their tragedy. I cannot for the life of me see the broken heart in Shakespear's latest works. "Hark, hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings" is not the lyric of a broken man; nor is Cloten's comment that if Imogen does not appreciate it, "it is a vice in her ears which horse hairs, and cats' guts, and the voice of unpaved eunuch to boot, can never amend," the sally of a saddened one. Is it not clear that to the last there was in Shakespear an incorrigible divine levity, an inexhaustible joy that derided sorrow? Think of the poor Dark Lady having to stand up to this unbearable power of extracting a grim fun from everything. Mr Harris writes as if Shakespear did all the suffering and the Dark Lady all the cruelty. But why does he not put himself in the Dark Lady's place for a moment as he has put himself so successfully in Shakespear's? Imagine her reading the hundred and thirtieth sonnet!

Let me remind Mr. Harris of Oscar Wilde again. We all feared reading De Profundis; our instinct was to block our ears or run away from the cry of a broken heart that, while not remorseful, was still aching. Yet we were missing out on our compassion. De Profundis truly was profound: Wilde was too skilled a playwright to waste such a powerful effect; still, it was profoundly deep. There was more laughter woven into the lines of that book than in a thousand comedies by untalented writers. Wilde, like Richard and Shakespeare, had no pity for himself. One of the clearest signs of a true dramatist is the ability to find humor in his own misfortunes, often in proportion to the sadness with which an average person expresses their tragedies. I cannot see the broken heart in Shakespeare's later works. "Hark, hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings" isn’t the song of a broken man; neither is Cloten’s remark that if Imogen doesn’t get it, "it is a vice in her ears which horse hairs, and cats' guts, and the voice of an unpaved eunuch can never amend," the outburst of a heartbroken one. Isn’t it obvious that, until the end, Shakespeare had an irrepressible divine lightness, an endless joy that mocked sorrow? Consider the poor Dark Lady having to endure this unbearable ability to find grim humor in everything. Mr. Harris writes as if Shakespeare did all the suffering and the Dark Lady all the cruelty. But why doesn’t he take a moment to see from the Dark Lady's perspective as he has so successfully done with Shakespeare's? Imagine her reading the hundred and thirtieth sonnet!

     My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
     Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
     If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
     If hairs be wire, black wires grow on her head;
     I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
     But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
     And in some perfumes is there more delight
     Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
     I love to hear her speak; yet well I know
     That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
     I grant I never saw a goddess go:
     My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
          And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
          As any she belied with false compare.
     My girlfriend's eyes are nothing like the sun;  
     Coral is way redder than her lips;  
     If snow is white, then her skin is brown;  
     If hair is wire, then black wires grow on her head;  
     I've seen roses in pink and white,  
     But I don’t see any such roses in her cheeks;  
     And some perfumes are definitely more pleasant  
     Than the smell that comes from my girlfriend.  
     I love to hear her talk; yet I know well  
     That music sounds way better.  
     I admit I’ve never seen a goddess walk:  
     My girlfriend, when she walks, just walks on the ground.  
          And yet, by heaven, I think my love is as rare  
          As any she’s been compared to falsely.  

Take this as a sample of the sort of compliment from which she was never for a moment safe with Shakespear. Bear in mind that she was not a comedian; that the Elizabethan fashion of treating brunettes as ugly woman must have made her rather sore on the subject of her complexion; that no human being, male or female, can conceivably enjoy being chaffed on that point in the fourth couplet about the perfumes; that Shakespear's revulsions, as the sonnet immediately preceding shews, were as violent as his ardors, and were expressed with the realistic power and horror that makes Hamlet say that the heavens got sick when they saw the queen's conduct; and then ask Mr Harris whether any woman could have stood it for long, or have thought the "sugred" compliment worth the cruel wounds, the cleaving of the heart in twain, that seemed to Shakespear as natural and amusing a reaction as the burlesquing of his heroics by Pistol, his sermons by Falstaff, and his poems by Cloten and Touchstone.

Take this as an example of the kind of compliment from which she was never really safe with Shakespeare. Remember that she wasn’t a comedian; that the Elizabethan trend of portraying brunettes as unattractive must have made her quite sensitive about her complexion; that no one, male or female, can truly enjoy being teased about that point in the fourth couplet regarding the perfumes; that Shakespeare's revulsions, as shown in the sonnet right before this one, were as intense as his passions and were expressed with the raw emotion and horror that makes Hamlet claim that the heavens grew sick when they witnessed the queen's behavior; and then ask Mr. Harris if any woman could have tolerated it for long, or believed that the “sugared” compliment was worth the painful injuries, the heart being split in two, which seemed to Shakespeare as natural and funny a response as Pistol’s mocking of his heroics, Falstaff’s parody of his sermons, and Cloten and Touchstone’s take on his poems.





Jupiter and Semele

This does not mean that Shakespear was cruel: evidently he was not; but it was not cruelty that made Jupiter reduce Semele to ashes: it was the fact that he could not help being a god nor she help being a mortal. The one thing Shakespear's passion for the Dark Lady was not, was what Mr Harris in one passage calls it: idolatrous. If it had been, she might have been able to stand it. The man who "dotes yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves," is tolerable even by a spoilt and tyrannical mistress; but what woman could possibly endure a man who dotes without doubting; who knows, and who is hugely amused at the absurdity of his infatuation for a woman of whose mortal imperfections not one escapes him: a man always exchanging grins with Yorick's skull, and inviting "my lady" to laugh at the sepulchral humor of the fact that though she paint an inch thick (which the Dark Lady may have done), to Yorick's favor she must come at last. To the Dark Lady he must sometimes have seemed cruel beyond description: an intellectual Caliban. True, a Caliban who could say

This doesn’t mean that Shakespeare was cruel; clearly he wasn’t. But it wasn’t cruelty that caused Jupiter to turn Semele into ashes; it was simply that he couldn’t help being a god, and she couldn’t help being mortal. The one thing that Shakespeare's passion for the Dark Lady was not, was what Mr. Harris calls it in one part: idolatrous. If it had been, she might have been able to handle it. The man who “adores yet doubts, suspects yet strongly loves” is bearable even for a spoiled and tyrannical mistress; but what woman could possibly put up with a man who adores without any doubt, who *knows*, and who is highly amused by the absurdity of his obsession for a woman whose every mortal flaw he is fully aware of? A man who is always sharing smirks with Yorick's skull and inviting “my lady” to laugh at the grim humor of the fact that, no matter how thickly she paints her face (which the Dark Lady may have done), she must eventually face Yorick’s fate. To the Dark Lady, he must have sometimes seemed incredibly cruel: an intellectual Caliban. True, a Caliban who could say

     Be not afeard:  the isle is full of noises
     Sounds and sweet airs that give delight and hurt not.
     Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
     Will hum about mine ears; and sometimes voices,
     That, if I then had waked after long sleep
     Will make me sleep again; and then, in dreaming,
     The clouds, methought, would open and shew riches
     Ready to drop on me:  that when I wak'd
     I cried to dream again.
     Don't be afraid: the island is full of sounds
     Sweet tones and music that bring joy and don’t harm.
     Sometimes a thousand stringed instruments
     Will hum in my ears; and sometimes voices,
     That, if I wake up after a long sleep,
     Will make me sleep again; and then, in my dreams,
     The clouds, I thought, would open and reveal treasures
     Ready to fall on me: that when I woke,
     I begged to dream again.

which is very lovely; but the Dark Lady may have had that vice in her ears which Cloten dreaded: she may not have seen the beauty of it, whereas there can be no doubt at all that of "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun," &c., not a word was lost on her.

which is very lovely; but the Dark Lady might have had that flaw in her perception that Cloten feared: she might not have appreciated its beauty, while there’s no doubt at all that with "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun," &c., not a single word was lost on her.

And is it to be supposed that Shakespear was too stupid or too modest not to see at last that it was a case of Jupiter and Semele? Shakespear was most certainly not modest in that sense. The timid cough of the minor poet was never heard from him.

And are we really supposed to think that Shakespeare was too unaware or too humble to realize it was like Jupiter and Semele? Shakespeare was definitely not humble in that way. The hesitant cough of a lesser poet was never heard from him.

     Not marble, nor the gilded monuments
     Of princes, shall outlive this powerful rhyme
Not marble, nor the gold-covered statues  
Of kings, will outlast this strong verse

is only one out of a dozen passages in which he (possibly with a keen sense of the fun of scandalizing the modest coughers) proclaimed his place and his power in "the wide world dreaming of things to come." The Dark Lady most likely thought this side of him insufferably conceited; for there is no reason to suppose that she liked his plays any better than Minna Wagner liked Richard's music dramas: as likely as not, she thought The Spanish Tragedy worth six Hamlets. He was not stupid either: if his class limitations and a profession that cut him off from actual participation in great affairs of State had not confined his opportunities of intellectual and political training to private conversation and to the Mermaid Tavern, he would probably have become one of the ablest men of his time instead of being merely its ablest playwright. One might surmise that Shakespear found out that the Dark Lady's brains could no more keep pace with his than Anne Hathaway's, if there were any evidence that their friendship ceased when he stopped writing sonnets to her. As a matter of fact the consolidation of a passion into an enduring intimacy generally puts an end to sonnets.

is just one of many instances where he (possibly enjoying the thrill of shocking the modest coughers) declared his position and influence in "the wide world dreaming of things to come." The Dark Lady probably found this aspect of him utterly arrogant; there’s no reason to believe she enjoyed his plays any more than Minna Wagner appreciated Richard's music dramas: she likely thought The Spanish Tragedy was worth six Hamlets. He wasn’t stupid either: if his social class and a profession that kept him from directly participating in major political affairs hadn’t limited his chances for intellectual and political development to private chats and the Mermaid Tavern, he probably would have become one of the most capable men of his time instead of just being its most talented playwright. One might guess that Shakespeare realized the Dark Lady's intellect couldn't keep up with his any more than Anne Hathaway's could, if there was any evidence that their friendship ended when he stopped writing sonnets to her. In fact, the shift from a passionate connection to a lasting intimacy typically marks the end of sonnets.

That the Dark Lady broke Shakespear's heart, as Mr Harris will have it she did, is an extremely unShakespearian hypothesis. "Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them; but not for love," says Rosalind. Richard of Gloster, into whom Shakespear put all his own impish superiority to vulgar sentiment, exclaims

That the Dark Lady broke Shakespeare's heart, as Mr. Harris insists she did, is a very un-Shakespearian idea. "Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them; but not for love," says Rosalind. Richard of Gloucester, into whom Shakespeare infused all his own mischievous superiority over common sentiment, exclaims

     And this word "love," which greybeards call divine,
     Be resident in men like one another
     And not in me:  I am myself alone.
     And this word "love," which old folks call divine,
     Should exist in people like each other
     And not in me: I am on my own.

Hamlet has not a tear for Ophelia: her death moves him to fierce disgust for the sentimentality of Laertes by her grave; and when he discusses the scene with Horatio immediately after, he utterly forgets her, though he is sorry he forgot himself, and jumps at the proposal of a fencing match to finish the day with. As against this view Mr Harris pleads Romeo, Orsino, and even Antonio; and he does it so penetratingly that he convinces you that Shakespear did betray himself again and again in these characters; but self-betrayal is one thing; and self-portrayal, as in Hamlet and Mercutio, is another. Shakespear never "saw himself," as actors say, in Romeo or Orsino or Antonio. In Mr Harris's own play Shakespear is presented with the most pathetic tenderness. He is tragic, bitter, pitiable, wretched and broken among a robust crowd of Jonsons and Elizabeths; but to me he is not Shakespear because I miss the Shakespearian irony and the Shakespearian gaiety. Take these away and Shakespear is no longer Shakespear: all the bite, the impetus, the strength, the grim delight in his own power of looking terrible facts in the face with a chuckle, is gone; and you have nothing left but that most depressing of all things: a victim. Now who can think of Shakespear as a man with a grievance? Even in that most thoroughgoing and inspired of all Shakespear's loves: his love of music (which Mr Harris has been the first to appreciate at anything like its value), there is a dash of mockery. "Spit in the hole, man; and tune again." "Divine air! Now is his soul ravished. Is it not strange that sheep's guts should hale the souls out of men's bodies?" "An he had been a dog that should have howled thus, they would have hanged him." There is just as much Shakespear here as in the inevitable quotation about the sweet south and the bank of violets.

Hamlet doesn’t shed a tear for Ophelia: her death fills him with disgust at Laertes’ sentimentality by her grave; and when he talks about the scene with Horatio right after, he completely forgets her, though he regrets losing track of himself, and eagerly agrees to a fencing match to wrap up the day. In contrast, Mr. Harris points to Romeo, Orsino, and even Antonio; he does this so compellingly that he convinces you that Shakespeare repeatedly betrayed himself through these characters; but self-betrayal is one thing, while self-portrayal, as seen in Hamlet and Mercutio, is another. Shakespeare never "saw himself," as actors say, in Romeo, Orsino, or Antonio. In Mr. Harris’s own play, Shakespeare is depicted with the most heartbreaking tenderness. He is tragic, bitter, pitiable, wretched, and broken among a strong crowd of Jonsons and Elizabeths; but to me, he’s not Shakespeare because I miss the Shakespearean irony and the Shakespearean joy. Remove these elements, and Shakespeare is no longer Shakespeare: all the bite, the drive, the strength, the grim pleasure in confronting harsh truths with a laugh are gone; and you’re left with the most depressing thing of all: a victim. Who can see Shakespeare as a man with a grievance? Even in that most complete and inspired of all Shakespeare’s loves—his love of music (which Mr. Harris has been the first to appreciate at its true worth)—there’s a hint of mockery. "Spit in the hole, man; and tune again." "Divine air! Now is his soul ravished. Isn't it odd that sheep’s guts should pull the souls out of men’s bodies?" "If he had been a dog that howled this way, they would have hanged him." There is just as much Shakespeare here as in the famous line about the sweet south and the bank of violets.

I lay stress on this irony of Shakespear's, this impish rejoicing in pessimism, this exultation in what breaks the hearts of common men, not only because it is diagnostic of that immense energy of life which we call genius, but because its omission is the one glaring defect in Mr Harris's otherwise extraordinarily penetrating book. Fortunately, it is an omission that does not disable the book as (in my judgment) it disabled the hero of the play, because Mr Harris left himself out of his play, whereas he pervades his book, mordant, deep-voiced, and with an unconquerable style which is the man.

I want to highlight this irony in Shakespeare's work, this mischievous delight in pessimism, this celebration of what devastates ordinary people. It's important not just because it shows the tremendous vitality we call genius, but also because its absence is the one obvious flaw in Mr. Harris's otherwise insightful book. Luckily, this omission doesn’t detract from the book the way it affected the hero of the play, since Mr. Harris excluded himself from his play, while his presence is felt throughout his book—sharp, resonant, and with an indomitable style that reflects who he is.





The Idol of the Bardolaters

There is even an advantage in having a book on Shakespear with the Shakespearian irony left out of account. I do not say that the missing chapter should not be added in the next edition: the hiatus is too great: it leaves the reader too uneasy before this touching picture of a writhing worm substituted for the invulnerable giant. But it is none the less probable that in no other way could Mr Harris have got at his man as he has. For, after all, what is the secret of the hopeless failure of the academic Bardolaters to give us a credible or even interesting Shakespear, and the easy triumph of Mr Harris in giving us both? Simply that Mr Harris has assumed that he was dealing with a man, whilst the others have assumed that they were writing about a god, and have therefore rejected every consideration of fact, tradition, or interpretation, that pointed to any human imperfection in their hero. They thus leave themselves with so little material that they are forced to begin by saying that we know very little about Shakespear. As a matter of fact, with the plays and sonnets in our hands, we know much more about Shakespear than we know about Dickens or Thackeray: the only difficulty is that we deliberately suppress it because it proves that Shakespear was not only very unlike the conception of a god current in Clapham, but was not, according to the same reckoning, even a respectable man. The academic view starts with a Shakespear who was not scurrilous; therefore the verses about "lousy Lucy" cannot have been written by him, and the cognate passages in the plays are either strokes of character-drawing or gags interpolated by the actors. This ideal Shakespear was too well behaved to get drunk; therefore the tradition that his death was hastened by a drinking bout with Jonson and Drayton must be rejected, and the remorse of Cassio treated as a thing observed, not experienced: nay, the disgust of Hamlet at the drinking customs of Denmark is taken to establish Shakespear as the superior of Alexander in self-control, and the greatest of teetotallers.

There’s actually an advantage to having a book about Shakespeare that skips the Shakespearean irony. I’m not saying that the missing chapter shouldn’t be added in the next edition; the gap is too big. It leaves the reader feeling uneasy in front of this emotional image of a squirming worm replacing the invulnerable giant. However, it’s likely that this was the only way Mr. Harris could have connected with his subject as he did. After all, what accounts for the complete failure of the academic Bardolaters to provide us with a believable or even interesting Shakespeare, contrasted with Mr. Harris’s success in delivering both? Simply put, Mr. Harris treated him like a real person, while the others treated him like a god, dismissing any facts, traditions, or interpretations that might hint at human flaws in their hero. They end up with so little information that they’re forced to start by saying we know very little about Shakespeare. In reality, with the plays and sonnets available to us, we know far more about Shakespeare than we do about Dickens or Thackeray. The only challenge is that we intentionally ignore this because it shows Shakespeare was not only quite different from the god-like image prevalent in Clapham, but wasn’t considered a respectable man by the same standard. The academic perspective starts with a Shakespeare who was never vulgar, so lines about "lousy Lucy" couldn’t have been written by him, and similar passages in the plays are dismissed as either character sketches or jokes inserted by the actors. This idealized Shakespeare wouldn’t have gotten drunk, so the story that his death was hastened by a drinking session with Jonson and Drayton is dismissed, and Cassio’s remorse is treated as something witnessed, not felt. Moreover, Hamlet’s disgust at the drinking traditions in Denmark is taken to establish Shakespeare as superior to Alexander in self-control, and the ultimate teetotaler.

Now this system of inventing your great man to start with, and then rejecting all the materials that do not fit him, with the ridiculous result that you have to declare that there are no materials at all (with your waste-paper basket full of them), ends in leaving Shakespear with a much worse character than he deserves. For though it does not greatly matter whether he wrote the lousy Lucy lines or not, and does not really matter at all whether he got drunk when he made a night of it with Jonson and Drayton, the sonnets raise an unpleasant question which does matter a good deal; and the refusal of the academic Bardolaters to discuss or even mention this question has had the effect of producing a silent verdict against Shakespear. Mr Harris tackles the question openly, and has no difficulty whatever in convincing us that Shakespear was a man of normal constitution sexually, and was not the victim of that most cruel and pitiable of all the freaks of nature: the freak which transposes the normal aim of the affections. Silence on this point means condemnation; and the condemnation has been general throughout the present generation, though it only needed Mr Harris's fearless handling of the matter to sweep away what is nothing but a morbid and very disagreeable modern fashion. There is always some stock accusation brought against eminent persons. When I was a boy every well-known man was accused of beating his wife. Later on, for some unexplained reason, he was accused of psychopathic derangement. And this fashion is retrospective. The cases of Shakespear and Michel Angelo are cited as proving that every genius of the first magnitude was a sufferer; and both here and in Germany there are circles in which such derangement is grotesquely reverenced as part of the stigmata of heroic powers. All of which is gross nonsense. Unfortunately, in Shakespear's case, prudery, which cannot prevent the accusation from being whispered, does prevent the refutation from being shouted. Mr Harris, the deep-voiced, refuses to be silenced. He dismisses with proper contempt the stupidity which places an outrageous construction on Shakespear's apologies in the sonnets for neglecting that "perfect ceremony" of love which consists in returning calls and making protestations and giving presents and paying the trumpery attentions which men of genius always refuse to bother about, and to which touchy people who have no genius attach so much importance. No leader who had not been tampered with by the psychopathic monomaniacs could ever put any construction but the obvious and innocent one on these passages. But the general vocabulary of the sonnets to Pembroke (or whoever "Mr W. H." really was) is so overcharged according to modern ideas that a reply on the general case is necessary.

Now, this approach of creating your ideal version of a person and then ignoring everything that doesn’t match, leading to the absurd conclusion that there’s no evidence at all (even with your trash can full of it), results in giving Shakespeare a much worse reputation than he deserves. Whether he wrote the awful Lucy lines or if he got drunk while hanging out with Jonson and Drayton doesn’t really matter that much, but the sonnets raise a troubling question that does; and the unwillingness of academic Shakespeare fans to talk about or even acknowledge this issue has led to a silent judgment against him. Mr. Harris tackles the topic head-on and easily convinces us that Shakespeare was sexually normal and not a victim of that cruelest and saddest of nature’s twists: the one that distorts normal affection. Not addressing this issue means judgment, and that judgment has been widespread in this generation, although it only took Mr. Harris's bold approach to clear away what is simply a bizarre and unpleasant modern trend. There’s always a standard accusation thrown at famous individuals. When I was a kid, every well-known man was said to beat his wife. Later on, for some unknown reason, he was accused of psychopathic issues. This trend looks back in time. The cases of Shakespeare and Michelangelo are often used to argue that every top genius suffered in some way; there are groups in both here and Germany that absurdly honor such mental struggles as part of the marks of greatness. All of this is complete nonsense. Sadly, in Shakespeare’s case, prudishness prevents the gossip from being loudly disputed. Mr. Harris, with his deep voice, refuses to be silenced. He rightly dismisses with contempt the foolishness of interpreting Shakespeare’s apologies in the sonnets for ignoring that "perfect ceremony" of love—like returning calls, making declarations, giving gifts, and paying the trivial attentions that men of genius usually ignore, while finicky people without talent value so highly. No leader who hadn’t been influenced by psychopathic obsessives could interpret these lines in any way other than the obvious and innocent one. But the general tone of the sonnets to Pembroke (or whoever "Mr. W. H." actually was) is so loaded with modern implications that a broader response is necessary.





Shakespear's alleged Sycophancy and Perversion

That reply, which Mr Harris does not hesitate to give, is twofold: first, that Shakespear was, in his attitude towards earls, a sycophant; and, second, that the normality of Shakespear's sexual constitution is only too well attested by the excessive susceptibility to the normal impulse shewn in the whole mass of his writings. This latter is the really conclusive reply. In the case of Michel Angelo, for instance, one must admit that if his works are set beside those of Titian or Paul Veronese, it is impossible not to be struck by the absence in the Florentine of that susceptibility to feminine charm which pervades the pictures of the Venetians. But, as Mr Harris points out (though he does not use this particular illustration) Paul Veronese is an anchorite compared to Shakespear. The language of the sonnets addressed to Pembroke, extravagant as it now seems, is the language of compliment and fashion, transfigured no doubt by Shakespear's verbal magic, and hyperbolical, as Shakespear always seems to people who cannot conceive so vividly as he, but still unmistakable for anything else than the expression of a friendship delicate enough to be wounded, and a manly loyalty deep enough to be outraged. But the language of the sonnets to the Dark Lady is the language of passion: their cruelty shews it. There is no evidence that Shakespear was capable of being unkind in cold blood. But in his revulsions from love, he was bitter, wounding, even ferocious; sparing neither himself nor the unfortunate woman whose only offence was that she had reduced the great man to the common human denominator.

That response, which Mr. Harris readily provides, has two parts: first, that Shakespeare was a sycophant when it came to earls; and second, that the normality of Shakespeare's sexual nature is clearly evidenced by the intense sensitivity to the regular impulse exhibited throughout his writings. This latter point is the truly convincing one. For example, when comparing Michelangelo’s works to those of Titian or Paul Veronese, one cannot help but notice the absence in the Florentine artist of the sensitivity to feminine beauty that characterizes the Venetian paintings. However, as Mr. Harris notes (though he does not use this particular example), Paul Veronese seems like a hermit next to Shakespeare. The language of the sonnets written for Pembroke, extravagant as it may seem now, reflects a style of flattery and trend, no doubt enhanced by Shakespeare’s verbal prowess, and exaggerated, as Shakespeare often appears to those who cannot imagine as vividly as he does, but still unmistakably conveys the feelings of a friendship that is delicate enough to be hurt and a manly loyalty that runs deep enough to be offended. In contrast, the language of the sonnets dedicated to the Dark Lady expresses passion: their harshness reveals this. There’s no indication that Shakespeare was capable of being unkind when calm. However, in his reactions to love, he could be bitter, hurtful, even fierce; he spared neither himself nor the unfortunate woman whose only fault was reducing the great man to a common human level.

In seizing on these two points Mr Harris has made so sure a stroke, and placed his evidence so featly that there is nothing left for me to do but to plead that the second is sounder than the first, which is, I think, marked by the prevalent mistake as to Shakespear's social position, or, if you prefer it, the confusion between his actual social position as a penniless tradesman's son taking to the theatre for a livelihood, and his own conception of himself as a gentleman of good family. I am prepared to contend that though Shakespear was undoubtedly sentimental in his expressions of devotion to Mr W. H. even to a point which nowadays makes both ridiculous, he was not sycophantic if Mr W. H. was really attractive and promising, and Shakespear deeply attached to him. A sycophant does not tell his patron that his fame will survive, not in the renown of his own actions, but in the sonnets of his sycophant. A sycophant, when his patron cuts him out in a love affair, does not tell his patron exactly what he thinks of him. Above all, a sycophant does not write to his patron precisely as he feels on all occasions; and this rare kind of sincerity is all over the sonnets. Shakespear, we are told, was "a very civil gentleman." This must mean that his desire to please people and be liked by them, and his reluctance to hurt their feelings, led him into amiable flattery even when his feelings were not strongly stirred. If this be taken into account along with the fact that Shakespear conceived and expressed all his emotions with a vehemence that sometimes carried him into ludicrous extravagance, making Richard offer his kingdom for a horse and Othello declare of Cassio that

In focusing on these two points, Mr. Harris has made a compelling argument and placed his evidence so skillfully that all I can do is argue that the second point is stronger than the first. The first is, I believe, characterized by the common misconception about Shakespeare's social status, or, if you prefer, the confusion between his true background as the son of a poor tradesman who turned to the theater for a living and his own view of himself as a gentleman from a respectable family. I contend that although Shakespeare was certainly sentimental in his expressions of affection toward Mr. W. H. — to a degree that today seems somewhat ridiculous — he was not sycophantic if Mr. W. H. was genuinely appealing and promising, and if Shakespeare was truly fond of him. A sycophant wouldn’t tell his patron that his fame would live on, not because of his own deeds, but through the sonnets of his flatterer. A sycophant, when his patron outshines him in a romantic situation, wouldn't express exactly what he thinks of that patron. Most importantly, a sycophant wouldn’t write to his patron genuinely about his feelings on every occasion; this kind of sincerity is evident throughout the sonnets. We are told that Shakespeare was “a very civil gentleman.” This likely means that his wish to please people and be liked by them, coupled with his hesitance to hurt anyone’s feelings, led him to indulge in polite flattery even when his emotions weren't strongly engaged. If we take this into account, along with the fact that Shakespeare articulated his emotions with such intensity that it sometimes led to absurd exaggerations — like Richard offering his kingdom for a horse and Othello declaring about Cassio that...

     Had all his hairs been lives, my great revenge
     Had stomach for them all,
     If every hair on his head represented a life, my great revenge would have been ready for them all,

we shall see more civility and hyperbole than sycophancy even in the earlier and more coldblooded sonnets.

we will see more politeness and exaggeration than flattery even in the earlier and more unemotional sonnets.





Shakespear and Democracy

Now take the general case pled against Shakespear as an enemy of democracy by Tolstoy, the late Ernest Crosbie and others, and endorsed by Mr Harris. Will it really stand fire? Mr Harris emphasizes the passages in which Shakespear spoke of mechanics and even of small master tradesmen as base persons whose clothes were greasy, whose breath was rank, and whose political imbecility and caprice moved Coriolanus to say to the Roman Radical who demanded at least "good words" from him

Now consider the general accusation made against Shakespeare as an enemy of democracy by Tolstoy, the late Ernest Crosbie, and others, with Mr. Harris’s support. Will it really hold up? Mr. Harris highlights the parts where Shakespeare described mechanics and even small tradesmen as lowly people with greasy clothes, foul breath, and political foolishness, which led Coriolanus to respond to the Roman Radical who asked for at least "a few nice words" from him.

     He that will give good words to thee will flatter
     Beneath abhorring.
     Someone who offers you kind words will just be pretending while secretly holding disdain.

But let us be honest. As political sentiments these lines are an abomination to every democrat. But suppose they are not political sentiments! Suppose they are merely a record of observed fact. John Stuart Mill told our British workmen that they were mostly liars. Carlyle told us all that we are mostly fools. Matthew Arnold and Ruskin were more circumstantial and more abusive. Everybody, including the workers themselves, know that they are dirty, drunken, foul-mouthed, ignorant, gluttonous, prejudiced: in short, heirs to the peculiar ills of poverty and slavery, as well as co-heirs with the plutocracy to all the failings of human nature. Even Shelley admitted, 200 years after Shakespear wrote Coriolanus, that universal suffrage was out of the question. Surely the real test, not of Democracy, which was not a live political issue in Shakespear's time, but of impartiality in judging classes, which is what one demands from a great human poet, is not that he should flatter the poor and denounce the rich, but that he should weigh them both in the same balance. Now whoever will read Lear and Measure for Measure will find stamped on his mind such an appalled sense of the danger of dressing man in a little brief authority, such a merciless stripping of the purple from the "poor, bare, forked animal" that calls itself a king and fancies itself a god, that one wonders what was the real nature of the mysterious restraint that kept "Eliza and our James" from teaching Shakespear to be civil to crowned heads, just as one wonders why Tolstoy was allowed to go free when so many less terrible levellers went to the galleys or Siberia. From the mature Shakespear we get no such scenes of village snobbery as that between the stage country gentleman Alexander Iden and the stage Radical Jack Cade. We get the shepherd in As You Like It, and many honest, brave, human, and loyal servants, beside the inevitable comic ones. Even in the Jingo play, Henry V, we get Bates and Williams drawn with all respect and honor as normal rank and file men. In Julius Caesar, Shakespear went to work with a will when he took his cue from Plutarch in glorifying regicide and transfiguring the republicans. Indeed hero-worshippers have never forgiven him for belittling Caesar and failing to see that side of his assassination which made Goethe denounce it as the most senseless of crimes. Put the play beside the Charles I of Wills, in which Cromwell is written down to a point at which the Jack Cade of Henry VI becomes a hero in comparison; and then believe, if you can, that Shakespear was one of them that "crook the pregnant hinges of the knee where thrift may follow fawning." Think of Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Osric, the fop who annoyed Hotspur, and a dozen passages concerning such people! If such evidence can prove anything (and Mr Harris relies throughout on such evidence) Shakespear loathed courtiers.

But let’s be real. These lines are an insult to every democrat when viewed as political sentiments. But what if they aren’t political thoughts at all? What if they’re just a record of what’s been observed? John Stuart Mill told British workers that most of them were liars. Carlyle claimed that we’re mostly fools. Matthew Arnold and Ruskin were more detailed and more harsh. Everyone, including the workers themselves, knows they can be dirty, drunken, foul-mouthed, ignorant, gluttonous, and prejudiced: in short, they inherit the specific ills of poverty and slavery, while also sharing all of human nature's shortcomings with the wealthy. Even Shelley acknowledged, 200 years after Shakespeare wrote Coriolanus, that universal suffrage was impossible. The real test isn’t of Democracy—which wasn’t a pressing political issue in Shakespeare's time—but rather of impartiality when judging classes, which is what we expect from a great human poet. This means not just flattering the poor and condemning the rich, but weighing both equally. Anyone who reads Lear and Measure for Measure will come away with a strong sense of the risk in giving someone a little bit of power, along with a harsh depiction of the "poor, bare, forked animal" that claims to be a king and believes itself to be a god. It raises questions about the mysterious restraint that kept "Eliza and our James" from teaching Shakespeare to be respectful toward royalty, just as we wonder why Tolstoy was allowed to remain free while so many less dangerous social reformers ended up in prison or exiled to Siberia. From the mature Shakespeare, we don’t see the kind of village snobbery exemplified by the staged country gentleman Alexander Iden and the staged Radical Jack Cade. Instead, we have the shepherd in As You Like It, along with many honest, brave, human, and loyal servants, not to mention the usual comic characters. Even in the jingoistic play, Henry V, we see Bates and Williams portrayed with respect and honor as typical rank-and-file soldiers. In Julius Caesar, Shakespeare wholeheartedly embraced his inspiration from Plutarch by glorifying regicide and transforming the republicans. In fact, hero-worshippers have never forgiven him for diminishing Caesar and overlooking the perspective of his assassination that led Goethe to label it as the most senseless crime. Compare the play to Wills’ Charles I, where Cromwell is depicted to a degree that Jack Cade from Henry VI seems heroic in comparison; then try to believe that Shakespeare was among those who "crook the pregnant hinges of the knee where thrift may follow fawning." Consider Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Osric, the fop who irritated Hotspur, and numerous other references involving such people! If this evidence can prove anything (and Mr. Harris consistently relies on such evidence), it’s that Shakespeare despised courtiers.

If, on the other hand, Shakespear's characters are mostly members of the leisured classes, the same thing is true of Mr Harris's own plays and mine. Industrial slavery is not compatible with that freedom of adventure, that personal refinement and intellectual culture, that scope of action, which the higher and subtler drama demands.

If, on the other hand, Shakespeare's characters are mostly from the wealthy classes, the same can be said for Mr. Harris's plays and mine. Industrial slavery doesn't fit with the freedom of adventure, personal refinement, and intellectual culture that the more elevated and nuanced drama requires.

Even Cervantes had finally to drop Don Quixote's troubles with innkeepers demanding to be paid for his food and lodging, and make him as free of economic difficulties as Amadis de Gaul. Hamlet's experiences simply could not have happened to a plumber. A poor man is useful on the stage only as a blind man is: to excite sympathy. The poverty of the apothecary in Romeo and Juliet produces a great effect, and even points the sound moral that a poor man cannot afford to have a conscience; but if all the characters of the play had been as poor as he, it would have been nothing but a melodrama of the sort that the Sicilian players gave us here; and that was not the best that lay in Shakespear's power. When poverty is abolished, and leisure and grace of life become general, the only plays surviving from our epoch which will have any relation to life as it will be lived then will be those in which none of the persons represented are troubled with want of money or wretched drudgery. Our plays of poverty and squalor, now the only ones that are true to the life of the majority of living men, will then be classed with the records of misers and monsters, and read only by historical students of social pathology.

Even Cervantes had to finally set aside Don Quixote's struggles with innkeepers who demanded payment for his food and shelter, making him as free from financial troubles as Amadis de Gaul. Hamlet's experiences couldn’t have happened to a plumber. A poor character on stage is only as useful as a blind person: to evoke sympathy. The poverty of the apothecary in Romeo and Juliet creates a strong impact and even suggests the clear moral that a poor person can’t afford to have a conscience; but if all the characters in the play were as poor as he, it would have been nothing but a melodrama like the ones the Sicilian actors put on; and that wasn’t the best Shakespeare could offer. When poverty is eliminated, and leisure and a refined lifestyle become common, the only plays that will relate to life as it’s lived will be those in which none of the characters are struggling with money issues or miserable labor. Our current plays about poverty and squalor, which reflect the reality of most people's lives today, will then be viewed as records of misers and monsters, read only by historians studying social pathology.

Then consider Shakespear's kings and lords and gentlemen! Would even John Ball or Jeremiah complain that they are flattered? Surely a more mercilessly exposed string of scoundrels never crossed the stage. The very monarch who paralyzes a rebel by appealing to the divinity that hedges a king, is a drunken and sensual assassin, and is presently killed contemptuously before our eyes in spite of his hedge of divinity. I could write as convincing a chapter on Shakespear's Dickensian prejudice against the throne and the nobility and gentry in general as Mr Harris or Ernest Crosbie on the other side. I could even go so far as to contend that one of Shakespear's defects is his lack of an intelligent comprehension of feudalism. He had of course no prevision of democratic Collectivism. He was, except in the commonplaces of war and patriotism, a privateer through and through. Nobody in his plays, whether king or citizen, has any civil public business or conception of such a thing, except in the method of appointing constables, to the abuses in which he called attention quite in the vein of the Fabian Society. He was concerned about drunkenness and about the idolatry and hypocrisy of our judicial system; but his implied remedy was personal sobriety and freedom from idolatrous illusion in so far as he had any remedy at all, and did not merely despair of human nature. His first and last word on parliament was "Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, seem to see the thing thou dost not." He had no notion of the feeling with which the land nationalizers of today regard the fact that he was a party to the enclosure of common lands at Wellcome. The explanation is, not a general deficiency in his mind, but the simple fact that in his day what English land needed was individual appropriation and cultivation, and what the English Constitution needed was the incorporation of Whig principles of individual liberty.

Then think about Shakespeare's kings, lords, and gentlemen! Would even John Ball or Jeremiah complain about being flattered? Surely, a more brutally exposed group of scoundrels never appeared on stage. The very king who disables a rebel by referencing the divine right of kings is a drunken and sensual assassin, and is contemptuously killed right before our eyes despite his supposed divine protection. I could write just as convincingly about Shakespeare's Dickensian bias against the throne and the nobility and gentry in general as Mr. Harris or Ernest Crosbie do on the opposite side. I could even argue that one of Shakespeare's flaws is his lack of a clear understanding of feudalism. He certainly didn't foresee democratic collectivism. He was, except for the usual themes of war and patriotism, a privateer through and through. No one in his plays, whether king or citizen, has any concept of public business or civic duty beyond appointing constables, and he called attention to the abuses in this just like the Fabian Society. He was concerned about drunkenness and the idolatry and hypocrisy of our legal system; however, his implied solution was personal sobriety and a break from idolatrous illusions, to the extent that he had any solution at all, rather than just despairing over human nature. His first and last word on parliament was "Get thee glass eyes, and, like a scurvy politician, pretend to see what you don’t." He had no idea how today’s land nationalizers feel about the fact that he was involved in the enclosure of common lands at Wellcome. The explanation lies not in any general deficiency in his mind but in the simple reality that in his time, what English land needed was individual ownership and cultivation, and what the English Constitution required was the adoption of Whig principles of individual freedom.





Shakespear and the British Public

I have rejected Mr Harris's view that Shakespear died broken-hearted of "the pangs of love despised." I have given my reasons for believing that Shakespear died game, and indeed in a state of levity which would have been considered unbecoming in a bishop. But Mr Harris's evidence does prove that Shakespear had a grievance and a very serious one. He might have been jilted by ten dark ladies and been none the worse for it; but his treatment by the British Public was another matter. The idolatry which exasperated Ben Jonson was by no means a popular movement; and, like all such idolatries, it was excited by the magic of Shakespear's art rather than by his views.

I disagree with Mr. Harris's opinion that Shakespeare died heartbroken from "the pain of unrequited love." I've explained why I believe Shakespeare died with spirit and, in fact, in a light-hearted state that would have seemed inappropriate for a bishop. However, Mr. Harris's evidence does show that Shakespeare had a legitimate complaint, and a serious one at that. He might have been rejected by ten dark ladies and come out fine, but the way he was treated by the British public was a different story. The idolization that frustrated Ben Jonson was not really a widespread movement; like all such idolatries, it was driven more by the magic of Shakespeare's art than by his opinions.

He was launched on his career as a successful playwright by the Henry VI trilogy, a work of no originality, depth, or subtlety except the originality, depth, and subtlety of the feelings and fancies of the common people. But Shakespear was not satisfied with this. What is the use of being Shakespear if you are not allowed to express any notions but those of Autolycus? Shakespear did not see the world as Autolycus did: he saw it, if not exactly as Ibsen did (for it was not quite the same world), at least with much of Ibsen's power of penetrating its illusions and idolatries, and with all Swift's horror of its cruelty and uncleanliness.

He kicked off his career as a successful playwright with the Henry VI trilogy, a work that lacked originality, depth, or subtlety—except for the originality, depth, and subtlety found in the feelings and ideas of ordinary people. But Shakespeare wasn't satisfied with this. What's the point of being Shakespeare if you can't express anything beyond what Autolycus does? Shakespeare didn't see the world the way Autolycus did; he viewed it, if not exactly like Ibsen (because it wasn’t quite the same world), at least with much of Ibsen's ability to see through its illusions and idolatries, and with all of Swift's disgust for its cruelty and filth.

Now it happens to some men with these powers that they are forced to impose their fullest exercise on the world because they cannot produce popular work. Take Wagner and Ibsen for instance! Their earlier works are no doubt much cheaper than their later ones; still, they were not popular when they were written. The alternative of doing popular work was never really open to them: had they stooped they would have picked up less than they snatched from above the people's heads. But Handel and Shakespear were not held to their best in this way. They could turn out anything they were asked for, and even heap up the measure. They reviled the British Public, and never forgave it for ignoring their best work and admiring their splendid commonplaces; but they produced the commonplaces all the same, and made them sound magnificent by mere brute faculty for their art. When Shakespear was forced to write popular plays to save his theatre from ruin, he did it mutinously, calling the plays "As You Like It," and "Much Ado About Nothing." All the same, he did it so well that to this day these two genial vulgarities are the main Shakespearian stock-in-trade of our theatres. Later on Burbage's power and popularity as an actor enabled Shakespear to free himself from the tyranny of the box office, and to express himself more freely in plays consisting largely of monologue to be spoken by a great actor from whom the public would stand a good deal. The history of Shakespear's tragedies has thus been the history of a long line of famous actors, from Burbage and Betterton to Forbes Robertson; and the man of whom we are told that "when he would have said that Richard died, and cried A horse! A horse! he Burbage cried" was the father of nine generations of Shakespearian playgoers, all speaking of Garrick's Richard, and Kean's Othello, and Irving's Shylock, and Forbes Robertson's Hamlet without knowing or caring how much these had to do with Shakespear's Richard and Othello and so forth. And the plays which were written without great and predominant parts, such as Troilus and Cressida, All's Well That Ends Well, and Measure for Measure, have dropped on our stage as dead as the second part of Goethe's Faust or Ibsen's Emperor or Galilean.

Now, some men with these talents find themselves needing to showcase their full abilities to the world because they can't create popular work. Take Wagner and Ibsen, for example! Their earlier works were definitely less valuable than their later ones; however, they weren’t popular when they were first released. They really didn’t have the option of creating popular work: if they had lowered themselves to that level, they would have gained less than what they aimed for. But Handel and Shakespeare weren’t restricted in this way. They could produce anything they were asked for, and even exceed expectations. They criticized the British Public and never forgave it for overlooking their best work while praising their impressive but common pieces; yet they still created those common pieces and made them sound magnificent purely through their artistic talent. When Shakespeare had to write popular plays to save his theater from collapse, he did it reluctantly, naming the plays "As You Like It," and "Much Ado About Nothing." Even so, he did it so well that today, these two charmingly basic plays are the main Shakespearean standards in our theaters. Later on, Burbage’s talent and fame as an actor allowed Shakespeare to escape the pressure of the box office, letting him express himself more freely with plays largely consisting of monologues for a great actor who could handle a lot from the audience. The history of Shakespeare’s tragedies has thus been the story of a long line of famous actors, from Burbage and Betterton to Forbes Robertson; and the man we’re told “when he would have said that Richard died, and cried A horse! A horse! he Burbage cried" was the precursor of nine generations of Shakespearean audiences, all talking about Garrick’s Richard, Kean’s Othello, and Irving’s Shylock, and Forbes Robertson’s Hamlet without realizing or caring how much these performances related to Shakespeare’s Richard and Othello, and so on. The plays that were written without strong leading roles, like Troilus and Cressida, All’s Well That Ends Well, and Measure for Measure, have fallen on our stage as lifeless as the second part of Goethe’s Faust or Ibsen’s Emperor and Galilean.

Here, then, Shakespear had a real grievance; and though it is a sentimental exaggeration to describe him as a broken-hearted man in the face of the passages of reckless jollity and serenely happy poetry in his latest plays, yet the discovery that his most serious work could reach success only when carried on the back of a very fascinating actor who was enormously overcharging his part, and that the serious plays which did not contain parts big enough to hold the overcharge were left on the shelf, amply accounts for the evident fact that Shakespear did not end his life in a glow of enthusiastic satisfaction with mankind and with the theatre, which is all that Mr Harris can allege in support of his broken-heart theory. But even if Shakespear had had no failures, it was not possible for a man of his powers to observe the political and moral conduct of his contemporaries without perceiving that they were incapable of dealing with the problems raised by their own civilization, and that their attempts to carry out the codes of law and to practise the religions offered to them by great prophets and law-givers were and still are so foolish that we now call for The Superman, virtually a new species, to rescue the world from mismanagement. This is the real sorrow of great men; and in the face of it the notion that when a great man speaks bitterly or looks melancholy he must be troubled by a disappointment in love seems to me sentimental trifling.

Here, then, Shakespeare had a real complaint; and while it's an emotional exaggeration to depict him as a heartbroken man despite the carefree joy and blissful poetry in his last plays, the realization that his most serious work could only succeed when backed by a very captivating actor who was massively overshadowing his role — and that the serious plays lacking significant parts for such overdoing were left untouched — clearly explains why Shakespeare didn’t end his life feeling wholly pleased with humanity or the theater, which is all Mr. Harris can offer to support his broken-heart theory. But even if Shakespeare had faced no failures, it would have been impossible for a man of his talent to watch the political and moral behavior of his peers without noticing that they were incapable of addressing the issues raised by their own society, and that their efforts to uphold the laws and practice the religions given to them by great prophets and lawmakers were so misguided that we now call for The Superman, essentially a new kind of being, to save the world from chaos. This is the genuine sorrow of great individuals; and considering this, the idea that when a great man speaks bitterly or appears sad, he must be troubled by a love disappointment seems to me like sentimental nonsense.

If I have carried the reader with me thus far, he will find that trivial as this little play of mine is, its sketch of Shakespear is more complete than its levity suggests. Alas! its appeal for a National Theatre as a monument to Shakespear failed to touch the very stupid people who cannot see that a National Theatre is worth having for the sake of the National Soul. I had unfortunately represented Shakespear as treasuring and using (as I do myself) the jewels of unconsciously musical speech which common people utter and throw away every day; and this was taken as a disparagement of Shakespear's "originality." Why was I born with such contemporaries? Why is Shakespear made ridiculous by such a posterity?

If I’ve managed to keep the reader engaged so far, they'll find that even though this little play of mine seems trivial, its portrayal of Shakespeare is more comprehensive than its lightheartedness implies. Unfortunately, its call for a National Theatre as a tribute to Shakespeare didn’t resonate with those who are too foolish to see that a National Theatre is valuable for the sake of the National Spirit. I had, regrettably, depicted Shakespeare as valuing and utilizing (like I do) the gems of naturally musical speech that ordinary people express and discard every day; and this was interpreted as a critique of Shakespeare's "originality." Why was I born into a time with such contemporaries? Why is Shakespeare made to look foolish by such a future?

The Dark Lady of The Sonnets was first performed at the Haymarket Theatre, on the afternoon of Thursday, the 24th November 1910, by Mona Limerick as the Dark Lady, Suzanne Sheldon as Queen Elizabeth, Granville Barker as Shakespear, and Hugh Tabberer as the Warder.

The Dark Lady of The Sonnets was first performed at the Haymarket Theatre on the afternoon of Thursday, November 24, 1910, featuring Mona Limerick as the Dark Lady, Suzanne Sheldon as Queen Elizabeth, Granville Barker as Shakespeare, and Hugh Tabberer as the Warder.





THE DARK LADY OF THE SONNETS

Fin de siecle 15-1600. Midsummer night on the terrace of the Palace at Whitehall, overlooking the Thames. The Palace clock chimes four quarters and strikes eleven.

End of the century 15-1600. Midsummer night on the terrace of the Palace at Whitehall, looking out over the Thames. The Palace clock chimes four quarters and strikes eleven.

A Beefeater on guard. A Cloaked Man approaches.

A Beefeater on duty. A man in a cloak approaches.

THE BEEFEATER. Stand. Who goes there? Give the word.

THE BEEFEATER. Stop. Who's there? State your business.

THE MAN. Marry! I cannot. I have clean forgotten it.

THE MAN. Seriously! I can’t. I totally forgot it.

THE BEEFEATER. Then cannot you pass here. What is your business? Who are you? Are you a true man?

THE BEEFEATER. Then you can't come through here. What's your business? Who are you? Are you for real?

THE MAN. Far from it, Master Warder. I am not the same man two days together: sometimes Adam, sometimes Benvolio, and anon the Ghost.

THE MAN. Not at all, Master Warder. I'm not the same person from one day to the next: sometimes I’m Adam, sometimes I’m Benvolio, and then I’m the Ghost.

THE BEEFEATER. [recoiling] A ghost! Angels and ministers of grace defend us!

THE BEEFEATER. [recoiling] A ghost! Angels and ministers of grace protect us!

THE MAN. Well said, Master Warder. With your leave I will set that down in writing; for I have a very poor and unhappy brain for remembrance. [He takes out his tablets and writes]. Methinks this is a good scene, with you on your lonely watch, and I approaching like a ghost in the moonlight. Stare not so amazedly at me; but mark what I say. I keep tryst here to-night with a dark lady. She promised to bribe the warder. I gave her the wherewithal: four tickets for the Globe Theatre.

THE MAN. Well said, Master Warder. If you don't mind, I'll write that down, because I’m not great at remembering things. [He takes out his notebook and writes]. I think this is a good scene, with you on your lonely watch and me approaching like a ghost in the moonlight. Don’t look so shocked at me; just listen to what I say. I’m here tonight to meet a mysterious lady. She promised to persuade the warder. I gave her what she needed: four tickets for the Globe Theatre.

THE BEEFEATER. Plague on her! She gave me two only.

THE BEEFEATER. Damn her! She only gave me two.

THE MAN. [detaching a tablet] My friend: present this tablet, and you will be welcomed at any time when the plays of Will Shakespear are in hand. Bring your wife. Bring your friends. Bring the whole garrison. There is ever plenty of room.

THE MAN. [detaching a tablet] My friend: show this tablet, and you’ll be welcomed anytime the plays of Will Shakespeare are staged. Bring your wife. Bring your friends. Bring the whole crew. There’s always plenty of room.

THE BEEFEATER. I care not for these new-fangled plays. No man can understand a word of them. They are all talk. Will you not give me a pass for The Spanish Tragedy?

THE BEEFEATER. I don't care for these new plays. No one can understand a word of them. They're all just talk. Will you give me a ticket for The Spanish Tragedy?

THE MAN. To see The Spanish Tragedy one pays, my friend. Here are the means. [He gives him a piece of gold].

THE MAN. To see The Spanish Tragedy, you have to pay, my friend. Here’s the money. [He gives him a piece of gold].

THE BEEFEATER. [overwhelmed] Gold! Oh, sir, you are a better paymaster than your dark lady.

THE BEEFEATER. [overwhelmed] Gold! Oh, sir, you are a better paymaster than your mysterious lady.

THE MAN. Women are thrifty, my friend.

THE MAN. Women are careful with their money, my friend.

THE BEEFEATER. Tis so, sir. And you have to consider that the most open handed of us must een cheapen that which we buy every day. This lady has to make a present to a warder nigh every night of her life.

THE BEEFEATER. Yes, sir. And you have to keep in mind that even the most generous among us have to make the things we buy every day more affordable. This lady has to give a gift to a guard almost every night of her life.

THE MAN. [turning pale] I'll not believe it.

THE MAN. [turning pale] I can't believe it.

THE BEEFEATER. Now you, sir, I dare be sworn, do not have an adventure like this twice in the year.

THE BEEFEATER. Now you, sir, I bet you don’t have an adventure like this more than twice a year.

THE MAN. Villain: wouldst tell me that my dark lady hath ever done thus before? that she maketh occasions to meet other men?

THE MAN. Villain: would you tell me that my dark lady has ever done this before? That she creates opportunities to meet other men?

THE BEEFEATER. Now the Lord bless your innocence, sir, do you think you are the only pretty man in the world? A merry lady, sir: a warm bit of stuff. Go to: I'll not see her pass a deceit on a gentleman that hath given me the first piece of gold I ever handled.

THE BEEFEATER. Now, bless your innocence, sir, do you really think you're the only good-looking guy around? A lively lady, sir: quite the catch. Come on: I won’t let her pull a fast one on a gentleman who gave me my very first gold coin.

THE MAN. Master Warder: is it not a strange thing that we, knowing that all women are false, should be amazed to find our own particular drab no better than the rest?

THE MAN. Master Warder: isn't it odd that we, aware that all women are deceitful, should be surprised to discover that our own particular woman is no better than the others?

THE BEEFEATER. Not all, sir. Decent bodies, many of them.

THE BEEFEATER. Not everyone, sir. A lot of them are decent people.

THE MAN. [intolerantly] No. All false. All. If thou deny it, thou liest.

THE MAN. [intolerantly] No. It's all false. Every bit of it. If you deny that, you're lying.

THE BEEFEATER. You judge too much by the Court, sir. There, indeed, you may say of frailty that its name is woman.

THE BEEFEATER. You judge too much by the court, sir. There, you can definitely say that when it comes to weakness, it’s a woman.

THE MAN. [pulling out his tablets again] Prithee say that again: that about frailty: the strain of music.

THE MAN. [pulling out his tablets again] Please say that again: that part about weakness: the impact of music.

THE BEEFEATER. What strain of music, sir? I'm no musician, God knows.

THE BEEFEATER. What kind of music, sir? I'm not a musician, that’s for sure.

THE MAN. There is music in your soul: many of your degree have it very notably. [Writing] "Frailty: thy name is woman!" [Repeating it affectionately] "Thy name is woman."

THE MAN. There's music in your soul: many of your kind have it clearly. [Writing] "Weakness: your name is woman!" [Repeating it affectionately] "Your name is woman."

THE BEEFEATER. Well, sir, it is but four words. Are you a snapper-up of such unconsidered trifles?

THE BEEFEATER. Well, sir, it’s only four words. Are you someone who picks up on such thoughtless little things?

THE MAN. [eagerly] Snapper-up of—[he gasps] Oh! Immortal phrase! [He writes it down]. This man is a greater than I.

THE MAN. [eagerly] Snapper-up of—[he gasps] Oh! Immortal phrase! [He writes it down]. This guy is greater than I.

THE BEEFEATER. You have my lord Pembroke's trick, sir.

THE BEEFEATER. You’ve got my lord Pembroke’s style, sir.

THE MAN. Like enough: he is my near friend. But what call you his trick?

THE MAN. Probably: he is my close friend. But what do you mean by his trick?

THE BEEFEATER. Making sonnets by moonlight. And to the same lady too.

THE BEEFEATER. Writing sonnets under the moonlight. And for the same lady, as well.

THE MAN. No!

THE GUY. No!

THE BEEFEATER. Last night he stood here on your errand, and in your shoes.

THE BEEFEATER. Last night he was here on your behalf, walking in your shoes.

THE MAN. Thou, too, Brutus! And I called him friend!

THE MAN. You too, Brutus! And I called him my friend!

THE BEEFEATER. Tis ever so, sir.

THE BEEFEATER. It’s always like this, sir.

THE MAN. Tis ever so. Twas ever so. [He turns away, overcome]. Two Gentlemen of Verona! Judas! Judas!!

THE MAN. It always is. It always has been. [He turns away, overwhelmed]. Two Gentlemen of Verona! Judas! Judas!!

THE BEEFEATER. Is he so bad as that, sir?

THE BEEFEATER. Is he really that bad, sir?

THE MAN. [recovering his charity and self-possession] Bad? Oh no. Human, Master Warder, human. We call one another names when we are offended, as children do. That is all.

THE MAN. [recovering his charity and self-possession] Bad? Oh no. Human, Master Warder, human. We insult each other when we're upset, just like kids do. That's all.

THE BEEFEATER. Ay, sir: words, words, words. Mere wind, sir. We fill our bellies with the east wind, sir, as the Scripture hath it. You cannot feed capons so.

THE BEEFEATER. Yeah, sir: words, words, words. Just empty talk, sir. We fill our stomachs with the east wind, sir, as the Scripture says. You can't feed capons like that.

THE MAN. A good cadence. By your leave [He makes a note of it].

THE MAN. A good rhythm. If you don't mind [He makes a note of it].

THE BEEFEATER. What manner of thing is a cadence, sir? I have not heard of it.

THE BEEFEATER. What is a cadence, sir? I haven't heard of it.

THE MAN. A thing to rule the world with, friend.

THE MAN. A tool to control the world, my friend.

THE BEEFEATER. You speak strangely, sir: no offence. But, an't like you, you are a very civil gentleman; and a poor man feels drawn to you, you being, as twere, willing to share your thought with him.

THE BEEFEATER. You’re speaking oddly, sir; no offense. But, if I may say so, you’re a very polite gentleman, and a poor man feels inclined to you since you seem, in a way, willing to share your thoughts with him.

THE MAN. Tis my trade. But alas! the world for the most part will none of my thoughts.

THE MAN. It's my job. But unfortunately, most of the world isn't interested in my ideas.

Lamplight streams from the palace door as it opens from within.

Light floods out from the palace door as it opens from the inside.

THE BEEFEATER. Here comes your lady, sir. I'll to t'other end of my ward. You may een take your time about your business: I shall not return too suddenly unless my sergeant comes prowling round. Tis a fell sergeant, sir: strict in his arrest. Go'd'en, sir; and good luck! [He goes].

THE BEEFEATER. Here comes your lady, sir. I'm off to the other end of my area. You can take your time with your business: I won't be back too quickly unless my sergeant comes roaming around. He's a tough sergeant, sir: strict in his arrests. Good evening, sir; and good luck! [He goes].

THE MAN. "Strict in his arrest"! "Fell sergeant"! [As if tasting a ripe plum] O-o-o-h! [He makes a note of them].

THE MAN. "Strict in his arrest"! "Fell sergeant"! [As if tasting a ripe plum] O-o-o-h! [He makes a note of them].

A Cloaked Lady gropes her way from the palace and wanders along the terrace, walking in her sleep.

A cloaked woman stumbles out of the palace and wanders along the terrace, sleepwalking.

THE LADY. [rubbing her hands as if washing them] Out, damned spot. You will mar all with these cosmetics. God made you one face; and you make yourself another. Think of your grave, woman, not ever of being beautified. All the perfumes of Arabia will not whiten this Tudor hand.

THE LADY. [rubbing her hands as if washing them] Out, damn spot. You’re ruining everything with these cosmetics. God created you with one face, and you’re trying to make yourself another. Think about your grave, woman, instead of trying to be beautiful. All the perfumes of Arabia won’t clean this Tudor hand.

THE MAN. "All the perfumes of Arabia"! "Beautified"! "Beautified"! a poem in a single word. Can this be my Mary? [To the Lady] Why do you speak in a strange voice, and utter poetry for the first time? Are you ailing? You walk like the dead. Mary! Mary!

THE MAN. "All the perfumes of Arabia"! "Beautified"! "Beautified"! a poem in a single word. Can this be my Mary? [To the Lady] Why are you speaking in a weird voice, and sharing poetry for the first time? Are you unwell? You walk like a ghost. Mary! Mary!

THE LADY. [echoing him] Mary! Mary! Who would have thought that woman to have had so much blood in her! Is it my fault that my counsellors put deeds of blood on me? Fie! If you were women you would have more wit than to stain the floor so foully. Hold not up her head so: the hair is false. I tell you yet again, Mary's buried: she cannot come out of her grave. I fear her not: these cats that dare jump into thrones though they be fit only for men's laps must be put away. Whats done cannot be undone. Out, I say. Fie! a queen, and freckled!

THE LADY. [echoing him] Mary! Mary! Who would have thought that woman had so much blood in her! Is it my fault that my advisors put bloody deeds on me? Ugh! If you were women, you’d have more sense than to stain the floor so badly. Don’t hold her head up like that: the hair is fake. I’ll say it again, Mary’s buried: she can’t come out of her grave. I’m not afraid of her: these people who dare to jump into thrones even though they’re really only fit for sitting on men’s laps need to be removed. What’s done can’t be undone. Get out, I say. Ugh! A queen, and freckled!

THE MAN. [shaking her arm] Mary, I say: art asleep?

THE MAN. [shaking her arm] Mary, are you asleep?

The Lady wakes; starts; and nearly faints. He catches her on his arm.

The Lady wakes up; jumps; and almost faints. He catches her in his arms.

THE LADY. Where am I? What art thou?

THE LADY. Where am I? What are you?

THE MAN. I cry your mercy. I have mistook your person all this while. Methought you were my Mary: my mistress.

THE MAN. I beg your pardon. I have mistaken you this whole time. I thought you were my Mary: my mistress.

THE LADY. [outraged] Profane fellow: how do you dare?

THE LADY. [outraged] How dare you, you disrespectful person?

THE MAN. Be not wroth with me, lady. My mistress is a marvellous proper woman. But she does not speak so well as you. "All the perfumes of Arabia"! That was well said: spoken with good accent and excellent discretion.

THE MAN. Don't be angry with me, lady. My mistress is a truly beautiful woman. But she doesn't speak as well as you do. "All the perfumes of Arabia"! That was beautifully said: spoken with great accent and excellent judgment.

THE LADY. Have I been in speech with you here?

THE LADY. Have I talked to you here?

THE MAN. Why, yes, fair lady. Have you forgot it?

THE MAN. Indeed, yes, fair lady. Have you forgotten it?

THE LADY. I have walked in my sleep.

I've been sleepwalking.

THE MAN. Walk ever in your sleep, fair one; for then your words drop like honey.

THE MAN. Keep walking in your sleep, beautiful; that’s when your words flow like honey.

THE LADY. [with cold majesty] Know you to whom you speak, sir, that you dare express yourself so saucily?

THE LADY. [with cold majesty] Do you know who you're speaking to, sir, that you would be so bold?

THE MAN. [unabashed] Not I, not care neither. You are some lady of the Court, belike. To me there are but two sorts of women: those with excellent voices, sweet and low, and cackling hens that cannot make me dream. Your voice has all manner of loveliness in it. Grudge me not a short hour of its music.

THE MAN. [unabashed] Not me, I don’t care either. You’re some kind of lady from the Court, I guess. To me, there are only two types of women: those with beautiful voices, sweet and soft, and loud hens that don’t inspire me at all. Your voice has all kinds of beauty in it. Don’t deny me a short hour of its music.

THE LADY. Sir: you are overbold. Season your admiration for a while with—

THE LADY. Sir: you are too bold. Tone down your admiration for a moment with—

THE MAN. [holding up his hand to stop her] "Season your admiration for a while—"

THE MAN. [holding up his hand to stop her] "Hold off on your admiration for a bit—"

THE LADY. Fellow: do you dare mimic me to my face?

THE LADY. Hey: do you really want to copy me to my face?

THE MAN. Tis music. Can you not hear? When a good musician sings a song, do you not sing it and sing it again till you have caught and fixed its perfect melody? "Season your admiration for a while": God! the history of man's heart is in that one word admiration. Admiration! [Taking up his tablets] What was it? "Suspend your admiration for a space—"

THE MAN. It’s music. Can’t you hear it? When a good musician sings a song, don’t you sing it over and over until you’ve captured its perfect melody? "Hold your admiration for a bit": Wow! The history of the human heart is wrapped up in that one word, admiration. Admiration! [Taking up his tablets] What was it? "Pause your admiration for a while—"

THE LADY. A very vile jingle of esses. I said "Season your—"

THE LADY. A really awful jingle of s’s. I said “Season your—”

THE MAN. [hastily] Season: ay, season, season, season. Plague on my memory, my wretched memory! I must een write it down. [He begins to write, but stops, his memory failing him]. Yet tell me which was the vile jingle? You said very justly: mine own ear caught it even as my false tongue said it.

THE MAN. [hastily] Season: yeah, season, season, season. Curse my memory, my awful memory! I really need to write this down. [He starts to write, but pauses, struggling to remember]. But tell me which was the terrible jingle? You were right: my own ear picked it up just as my lying tongue repeated it.

THE LADY. You said "for a space." I said "for a while."

THE LADY. You said "for a bit." I said "for a while."

THE MAN. "For a while" [he corrects it]. Good! [Ardently] And now be mine neither for a space nor a while, but for ever.

THE MAN. "For a while" [he corrects it]. Good! [With passion] And now don’t be mine just for a moment or any short time, but forever.

THE LADY. Odds my life! Are you by chance making love to me, knave?

THE LADY. Oh my goodness! Are you trying to flirt with me, you rogue?

THE MAN. Nay: tis you who have made the love: I but pour it out at your feet. I cannot but love a lass that sets such store by an apt word. Therefore vouchsafe, divine perfection of a woman—no: I have said that before somewhere; and the wordy garment of my love for you must be fire-new—

THE MAN. No: it’s you who inspired this love; I merely lay it at your feet. I can’t help but love a girl who values a well-chosen word. So please, gracious embodiment of a woman—no: I’ve said that before somewhere; and my expression of love for you must be completely fresh—

THE LADY. You talk too much, sir. Let me warn you: I am more accustomed to be listened to than preached at.

THE LADY. You talk too much, sir. Let me warn you: I'm more used to being listened to than being lectured.

THE MAN. The most are like that that do talk well. But though you spake with the tongues of angels, as indeed you do, yet know that I am the king of words—

THE MAN. Most people are like that when they speak well. But even if you spoke with the tongues of angels, as you certainly do, remember that I am the king of words—

THE LADY. A king, ha!

THE LADY. A king, ha!

THE MAN. No less. We are poor things, we men and women—

THE MAN. No less. We’re just unfortunate beings, we men and women—

THE LADY. Dare you call me woman?

THE LADY. Do you really dare to call me a woman?

THE MAN. What nobler name can I tender you? How else can I love you? Yet you may well shrink from the name: have I not said we are but poor things? Yet there is a power that can redeem us.

THE MAN. What better name can I give you? How else can I love you? But you might hesitate at the name: haven't I said we are just miserable beings? Still, there is a force that can save us.

THE LADY. Gramercy for your sermon, sir. I hope I know my duty.

THE LADY. Thanks for your sermon, sir. I hope I know my responsibilities.

THE MAN. This is no sermon, but the living truth. The power I speak of is the power of immortal poesy. For know that vile as this world is, and worms as we are, you have but to invest all this vileness with a magical garment of words to transfigure us and uplift our souls til earth flowers into a million heavens.

THE MAN. This isn't a sermon, but the truth as it is. The power I’m talking about is the power of eternal poetry. Because you should know that, no matter how awful this world is and how insignificant we may seem, all it takes is to wrap this ugliness in a magical cloak of words to transform us and elevate our spirits until the earth blossoms into countless heavens.

THE LADY. You spoil your heaven with your million. You are extravagant. Observe some measure in your speech.

THE LADY. You're ruining your paradise with your wealth. You're being excessive. Watch your words; use some restraint.

THE MAN. You speak now as Ben does.

THE MAN. You're speaking just like Ben.

THE LADY. And who, pray, is Ben?

THE LADY. So, who is Ben, exactly?

THE MAN. A learned bricklayer who thinks that the sky is at the top of his ladder, and so takes it on him to rebuke me for flying. I tell you there is no word yet coined and no melody yet sung that is extravagant and majestical enough for the glory that lovely words can reveal. It is heresy to deny it: have you not been taught that in the beginning was the Word? that the Word was with God? nay, that the Word was God?

THE MAN. A knowledgeable bricklayer who believes that the sky is at the top of his ladder and feels justified in criticizing me for reaching for it. I tell you, there is no word invented and no song created that is extravagant and majestic enough to capture the glory that beautiful words can express. It’s heresy to deny this: haven’t you been taught that in the beginning was the Word? that the Word was with God? no, that the Word was God?

THE LADY. Beware, fellow, how you presume to speak of holy things. The Queen is the head of the Church.

THE LADY. Be careful, friend, about how you talk about sacred matters. The Queen is the leader of the Church.

THE MAN. You are the head of my Church when you speak as you did at first. "All the perfumes of Arabia"! Can the Queen speak thus? They say she playeth well upon the virginals. Let her play so to me; and I'll kiss her hands. But until then, you are my Queen; and I'll kiss those lips that have dropt music on my heart. [He puts his arms about her].

THE MAN. You are the leader of my Church when you speak like you did at the beginning. "All the perfumes of Arabia"! Can the Queen talk like that? They say she plays really well on the piano. Let her play for me; and I’ll kiss her hands. But until that happens, you are my Queen; and I’ll kiss those lips that have filled my heart with music. [He puts his arms around her].

THE LADY. Unmeasured impudence! On your life, take your hands from me.

THE LADY. Unbelievable audacity! I swear, keep your hands off me.

The Dark Lady comes stooping along the terrace behind them like a running thrush. When she sees how they are employed, she rises angrily to her full height, and listens jealously.

The Dark Lady approaches along the terrace behind them, moving like a quick thrush. When she sees what they're doing, she stands up angrily, listening with jealousy.

THE MAN. [unaware of the Dark Lady] Then cease to make my hands tremble with the streams of life you pour through them. You hold me as the lodestar holds the iron: I cannot but cling to you. We are lost, you and I: nothing can separate us now.

THE MAN. [unaware of the Dark Lady] Then stop making my hands shake with the energy you send through them. You hold me like a guiding star holds onto iron: I can't help but cling to you. We're lost, you and I: nothing can pull us apart now.

THE DARK LADY. We shall see that, false lying hound, you and your filthy trull. [With two vigorous cuffs, she knocks the pair asunder, sending the man, who is unlucky enough to receive a righthanded blow, sprawling an the flags]. Take that, both of you!

THE DARK LADY. We'll see about that, you deceitful dog, and your disgusting mistress. [With two forceful slaps, she pushes them apart, sending the man, who is unfortunate enough to get a right-handed hit, sprawling on the ground]. How about that, both of you!

THE CLOAKED LADY. [in towering wrath, throwing off her cloak and turning in outraged majesty on her assailant] High treason!

THE CLOAKED LADY. [in towering fury, throwing off her cloak and turning in outraged majesty on her attacker] High treason!

THE DARK LADY. [recognizing her and falling on her knees in abject terror] Will: I am lost: I have struck the Queen.

THE DARK LADY. [recognizing her and dropping to her knees in utter terror] Will: I’m finished: I’ve attacked the Queen.

THE MAN. [sitting up as majestically as his ignominious posture allows] Woman: you have struck WILLIAM SHAKESPEAR.

THE MAN. [sitting up as majestically as his shameful posture allows] Woman: you have hit WILLIAM SHAKESPEAR.

QUEEN ELIZABETH. [stupent] Marry, come up!!! Struck William Shakespear quotha! And who in the name of all the sluts and jades and light-o'-loves and fly-by-nights that infest this palace of mine, may William Shakespear be?

QUEEN ELIZABETH. [stupid] Seriously, come on!!! William Shakespeare, you say? And who on earth are all these promiscuous women and flirts that hang around my palace, and what does William Shakespeare have to do with any of this?

THE DARK LADY. Madam: he is but a player. Oh, I could have my hand cut off—

THE DARK LADY. Madam: he's just an actor. Oh, I could have my hand chopped off—

QUEEN ELIZABETH. Belike you will, mistress. Have you bethought you that I am like to have your head cut off as well?

QUEEN ELIZABETH. You probably will, mistress. Have you realized that I might have my head cut off too?

THE DARK LADY. Will: save me. Oh, save me.

THE DARK LADY. Please, save me. Oh, help me.

ELIZABETH. Save you! A likely savior, on my royal word! I had thought this fellow at least an esquire; for I had hoped that even the vilest of my ladies would not have dishonored my Court by wantoning with a baseborn servant.

ELIZABETH. Save you! A likely savior, I swear! I had thought this guy was at least a squire; because I had hoped that even the worst of my ladies wouldn't have disgraced my Court by being reckless with a lowly servant.

SHAKESPEAR. [indignantly scrambling to his feet] Base-born! I, a Shakespear of Stratford! I, whose mother was an Arden! baseborn! You forget yourself, madam.

SHAKESPEAR. [indignantly scrambling to his feet] How dare you call me that! I am a Shakespear from Stratford! I, whose mother was an Arden! Base-born? You’ve lost your mind, madam.

ELIZABETH. [furious] S'blood! do I so? I will teach you—

ELIZABETH. [furious] Seriously? Do I really? I'll show you—

THE DARK LADY. [rising from her knees and throwing herself between them] Will: in God's name anger her no further. It is death. Madam: do not listen to him.

THE DARK LADY. [rising from her knees and throwing herself between them] Will: for God's sake, don’t make her more angry. It could kill you. Madam: don’t listen to him.

SHAKESPEAR. Not were it een to save your life, Mary, not to mention mine own, will I flatter a monarch who forgets what is due to my family. I deny not that my father was brought down to be a poor bankrupt; but twas his gentle blood that was ever too generous for trade. Never did he disown his debts. Tis true he paid them not; but it is an attested truth that he gave bills for them; and twas those bills, in the hands of base hucksters, that were his undoing.

SHAKESPEARE. I wouldn’t do it even if it meant saving your life, Mary, not to mention my own. I won’t flatter a king who has forgotten what he owes to my family. I won’t deny that my father ended up broke and in debt, but it was his noble blood that was always too kind for business. He never denied his debts. It’s true he didn’t pay them, but it’s a well-known fact that he issued promissory notes for them; and it was those notes, in the hands of unscrupulous traders, that led to his downfall.

ELIZABETH. [grimly] The son of your father shall learn his place in the presence of the daughter of Harry the Eighth.

ELIZABETH. [grimly] Your father's son needs to understand his place when he's around the daughter of Henry the Eighth.

SHAKESPEAR. [swelling with intolerant importance] Name not that inordinate man in the same breath with Stratford's worthiest alderman. John Shakespear wedded but once: Harry Tudor was married six times. You should blush to utter his name.

SHAKESPEAR. [swelling with intolerant importance] Don’t even mention that overindulgent man in the same breath as Stratford’s most esteemed alderman. John Shakespear was married just once: Harry Tudor was married six times. You ought to feel embarrassed to say his name.

THE DARK LADY. Will: for pity's sake— crying out together

THE DARK LADY. Please, for the sake of compassion— crying out together

ELIZABETH. Insolent dog—

ELIZABETH. Rude dog—

SHAKESPEAR. [cutting them short] How know you that King Harry was indeed your father?

SHAKESPEAR. [cutting them short] How do you know that King Harry was really your father?

ELIZABETH. Zounds! Now by—she stops to grind her teeth with rage].

ELIZABETH. Damn it! Now by—she stops to grind her teeth with rage.

THE DARK LADY. She will have me whipped through the streets. Oh God! Oh God!

THE DARK LADY. She’s going to have me paraded through the streets. Oh God! Oh God!

SHAKESPEAR. Learn to know yourself better, madam. I am an honest gentleman of unquestioned parentage, and have already sent in my demand for the coat-of-arms that is lawfully mine. Can you say as much for yourself?

SHAKESPEARE. Get to know yourself better, ma'am. I am a respectable gentleman with a well-established family background, and I have already submitted my request for the coat of arms that rightfully belongs to me. Can you say the same about yourself?

ELIZABETH. [almost beside herself] Another word; and I begin with mine own hands the work the hangman shall finish.

ELIZABETH. [almost beside herself] One more word, and I’ll start the job that the executioner will complete with my own hands.

SHAKESPEAR. You are no true Tudor: this baggage here has as good a right to your royal seat as you. What maintains you on the throne of England? Is it your renowned wit? your wisdom that sets at naught the craftiest statesmen of the Christian world? No. Tis the mere chance that might have happened to any milkmaid, the caprice of Nature that made you the most wondrous piece of beauty the age hath seen. [Elizabeth's raised fists, on the point of striking him, fall to her side]. That is what hath brought all men to your feet, and founded your throne on the impregnable rock of your proud heart, a stony island in a sea of desire. There, madam, is some wholesome blunt honest speaking for you. Now do your worst.

SHAKESPEARE. You’re not a true Tudor: this baggage here has just as much right to your royal seat as you do. What holds you on the throne of England? Is it your famous wit? Your wisdom that outsmarts the cleverest statesmen in the Christian world? No. It’s just luck that could have happened to any milkmaid, the whim of Nature that made you the most incredible beauty of this age. [Elizabeth's raised fists, about to hit him, drop to her side]. That’s what has brought all men to your feet, and built your throne on the strong foundation of your proud heart, a solid island in a sea of desire. There you go, madam, that’s some straightforward honesty for you. Now go ahead and do your worst.

ELIZABETH. [with dignity] Master Shakespear: it is well for you that I am a merciful prince. I make allowance for your rustic ignorance. But remember that there are things which be true, and are yet not seemly to be said (I will not say to a queen; for you will have it that I am none) but to a virgin.

ELIZABETH. [with dignity] Master Shakespeare: you’re lucky that I am a gracious ruler. I understand your simple-mindedness. But keep in mind that there are truths that, while they are true, should not be expressed (I won’t say to a queen; since you insist I am not one) but rather to an unmarried woman.

SHAKESPEAR. [bluntly] It is no fault of mine that you are a virgin, madam, albeit tis my misfortune.

SHAKESPEAR. [bluntly] It's not my fault that you're a virgin, ma'am, even though it's my bad luck.

THE DARK LADY. [terrified again] In mercy, madam, hold no further discourse with him. He hath ever some lewd jest on his tongue. You hear how he useth me! calling me baggage and the like to your Majesty's face.

THE DARK LADY. [terrified again] Please, your Highness, don't talk to him anymore. He always has some crude joke ready to share. You can hear how he speaks to me! Calling me baggage and stuff right in front of you.

ELIZABETH. As for you, mistress, I have yet to demand what your business is at this hour in this place, and how you come to be so concerned with a player that you strike blindly at your sovereign in your jealousy of him.

ELIZABETH. As for you, madam, I still need to ask what you’re doing here at this hour and why you’re so bothered by an actor that you lash out at your ruler out of jealousy.

THE DARK LADY. Madam: as I live and hope for salvation—

THE DARK LADY. Madam: as I live and hope for salvation—

SHAKESPEAR. [sardonically] Ha!

SHAKESPEARE. [sarcastically] Ha!

THE DARK LADY. [angrily]—ay, I'm as like to be saved as thou that believest naught save some black magic of words and verses—I say, madam, as I am a living woman I came here to break with him for ever. Oh, madam, if you would know what misery is, listen to this man that is more than man and less at the same time. He will tie you down to anatomize your very soul: he will wring tears of blood from your humiliation; and then he will heal the wound with flatteries that no woman can resist.

THE DARK LADY. [angrily]—Yeah, I’m as likely to be saved as you are if you believe in nothing but some dark magic of words and poems—I’m telling you, madam, as a living woman I came here to end things with him for good. Oh, madam, if you want to know what misery is, listen to this man who’s more than a man and less at the same time. He’ll hold you down to dissect your very soul: he’ll squeeze tears of blood from your humiliation; and then he’ll heal the wound with compliments that no woman can resist.

SHAKESPEAR. Flatteries! [Kneeling] Oh, madam, I put my case at your royal feet. I confess to much. I have a rude tongue: I am unmannerly: I blaspheme against the holiness of anointed royalty; but oh, my royal mistress, AM I a flatterer?

SHAKESPEARE. Flatteries! [Kneeling] Oh, madam, I lay my case at your royal feet. I admit a lot. I have a sharp tongue: I’m rude: I speak against the sacredness of your royal anointed status; but oh, my royal mistress, AM I a flatterer?

ELIZABETH. I absolve you as to that. You are far too plain a dealer to please me. [He rises gratefully].

ELIZABETH. I forgive you for that. You're way too straightforward for my taste. [He stands up, feeling grateful].

THE DARK LADY. Madam: he is flattering you even as he speaks.

THE DARK LADY. Madam: he’s complimenting you even as he talks.

ELIZABETH. [a terrible flash in her eye] Ha! Is it so?

ELIZABETH. [a fierce flash in her eye] Ha! Is that how it is?

SHAKESPEAR. Madam: she is jealous; and, heaven help me! not without reason. Oh, you say you are a merciful prince; but that was cruel of you, that hiding of your royal dignity when you found me here. For how can I ever be content with this black-haired, black-eyed, black-avised devil again now that I have looked upon real beauty and real majesty?

SHAKESPEAR. Madam: she’s jealous; and, God help me! not without reason. Oh, you claim to be a merciful prince; but that was cruel of you, hiding your royal dignity when you found me here. How can I ever be satisfied with this dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark-bearded devil again now that I’ve seen real beauty and real majesty?

THE DARK LADY. [wounded and desperate] He hath swore to me ten times over that the day shall come in England when black women, for all their foulness, shall be more thought on than fair ones. [To Shakespear, scolding at him] Deny it if thou canst. Oh, he is compact of lies and scorns. I am tired of being tossed up to heaven and dragged down to hell at every whim that takes him. I am ashamed to my very soul that I have abased myself to love one that my father would not have deemed fit to hold my stirrup—one that will talk to all the world about me—that will put my love and my shame into his plays and make me blush for myself there—that will write sonnets about me that no man of gentle strain would put his hand to. I am all disordered: I know not what I am saying to your Majesty: I am of all ladies most deject and wretched—

THE DARK LADY. [wounded and desperate] He has sworn to me a dozen times that there will come a day in England when black women, despite their supposed flaws, will be regarded more highly than fair ones. [To Shakespeare, scolding him] Deny it if you can. Oh, he is full of lies and disdain. I'm tired of being lifted to heaven and pulled down to hell based on his whims. I'm deeply ashamed that I've lowered myself to love someone whom my father wouldn't have considered worthy to hold my stirrup—someone who talks about me to everyone—who puts my love and my shame into his plays and makes me feel embarrassed about myself in them—who writes sonnets about me that no man of noble character would ever touch. I'm completely disoriented: I don’t even know what I’m saying to your Majesty: I am the most dejected and wretched of all ladies—

SHAKESPEAR. Ha! At last sorrow hath struck a note of music out of thee. "Of all ladies most deject and wretched." [He makes a note of it].

SHAKESPEAR. Ha! Finally, sorrow has sparked a melody from you. "Of all ladies, the most downcast and miserable." [He makes a note of it].

THE DARK LADY. Madam: I implore you give me leave to go. I am distracted with grief and shame. I—

THE DARK LADY. Madam: I beg you, please let me go. I am overwhelmed with grief and shame. I—

ELIZABETH. Go [The Dark Lady tries to kiss her hand]. No more. Go. [The Dark Lady goes, convulsed]. You have been cruel to that poor fond wretch, Master Shakespear.

ELIZABETH. Go [The Dark Lady tries to kiss her hand]. No more. Go. [The Dark Lady goes, convulsed]. You’ve been harsh to that poor, loving wretch, Master Shakespear.

SHAKESPEAR. I am not cruel, madam; but you know the fable of Jupiter and Semele. I could not help my lightnings scorching her.

SHAKESPEARE. I'm not cruel, madam; but you know the story of Jupiter and Semele. I couldn't stop my lightning from burning her.

ELIZABETH. You have an overweening conceit of yourself, sir, that displeases your Queen.

ELIZABETH. You have an inflated opinion of yourself, sir, that annoys your Queen.

SHAKESPEAR. Oh, madam, can I go about with the modest cough of a minor poet, belittling my inspiration and making the mightiest wonder of your reign a thing of nought? I have said that "not marble nor the gilded monuments of princes shall outlive" the words with which I make the world glorious or foolish at my will. Besides, I would have you think me great enough to grant me a boon.

SHAKESPEARE. Oh, ma'am, can I wander around with the humble cough of a minor poet, downplaying my inspiration and reducing the greatest marvel of your reign to nothing? I’ve said that "neither marble nor the gilded monuments of princes will outlast" the words with which I make the world splendid or foolish at my command. Besides, I want you to see me as great enough to grant me a favor.

ELIZABETH. I hope it is a boon that may be asked of a virgin Queen without offence, sir. I mistrust your forwardness; and I bid you remember that I do not suffer persons of your degree (if I may say so without offence to your father the alderman) to presume too far.

ELIZABETH. I hope it’s a request a virgin Queen can make without causing offense, sir. I’m wary of your boldness; and I want you to remember that I don’t allow people of your status (if I may say so without disrespecting your father the alderman) to overstep their bounds.

SHAKESPEAR. Oh, madam, I shall not forget myself again; though by my life, could I make you a serving wench, neither a queen nor a virgin should you be for so much longer as a flash of lightning might take to cross the river to the Bankside. But since you are a queen and will none of me, nor of Philip of Spain, nor of any other mortal man, I must een contain myself as best I may, and ask you only for a boon of State.

SHAKESPEARE. Oh, ma'am, I promise I won’t lose my composure again; but honestly, if I could make you a servant, you wouldn’t stay a queen or a virgin for any longer than it takes a flash of lightning to cross the river to the Bankside. But since you’re a queen and have no interest in me, Philip of Spain, or any other man, I’ll just have to hold myself together as best as I can and ask you for a favor of State.

ELIZABETH. A boon of State already! You are becoming a courtier like the rest of them. You lack advancement.

ELIZABETH. A state favor already! You're turning into a courtier like everyone else. You’re missing out on progress.

SHAKESPEAR. "Lack advancement." By your Majesty's leave: a queenly phrase. [He is about to write it down].

SHAKESPEARE. "Lack advancement." With your Majesty's permission: a royal expression. [He is about to write it down].

ELIZABETH. [striking the tablets from his hand] Your tables begin to anger me, sir. I am not here to write your plays for you.

ELIZABETH. [knocking the tablets from his hand] Your tablets are starting to annoy me, sir. I'm not here to write your plays for you.

SHAKESPEAR. You are here to inspire them, madam. For this, among the rest, were you ordained. But the boon I crave is that you do endow a great playhouse, or, if I may make bold to coin a scholarly name for it, a National Theatre, for the better instruction and gracing of your Majesty's subjects.

SHAKESPEAR. You are here to inspire them, ma'am. That's one of the reasons you were chosen. But the favor I ask is that you establish a grand theater, or, if I may be so bold as to create a formal name for it, a National Theatre, for the better education and enhancement of your Majesty's subjects.

ELIZABETH. Why, sir, are there not theatres enow on the Bankside and in Blackfriars?

ELIZABETH. Why, sir, aren't there enough theaters on the Bankside and in Blackfriars?

SHAKESPEAR. Madam: these are the adventures of needy and desperate men that must, to save themselves from perishing of want, give the sillier sort of people what they best like; and what they best like, God knows, is not their own betterment and instruction, as we well see by the example of the churches, which must needs compel men to frequent them, though they be open to all without charge. Only when there is a matter of a murder, or a plot, or a pretty youth in petticoats, or some naughty tale of wantonness, will your subjects pay the great cost of good players and their finery, with a little profit to boot. To prove this I will tell you that I have written two noble and excellent plays setting forth the advancement of women of high nature and fruitful industry even as your Majesty is: the one a skilful physician, the other a sister devoted to good works. I have also stole from a book of idle wanton tales two of the most damnable foolishnesses in the world, in the one of which a woman goeth in man's attire and maketh impudent love to her swain, who pleaseth the groundlings by overthrowing a wrestler; whilst, in the other, one of the same kidney sheweth her wit by saying endless naughtinesses to a gentleman as lewd as herself. I have writ these to save my friends from penury, yet shewing my scorn for such follies and for them that praise them by calling the one As You Like It, meaning that it is not as I like it, and the other Much Ado About Nothing, as it truly is. And now these two filthy pieces drive their nobler fellows from the stage, where indeed I cannot have my lady physician presented at all, she being too honest a woman for the taste of the town. Wherefore I humbly beg your Majesty to give order that a theatre be endowed out of the public revenue for the playing of those pieces of mine which no merchant will touch, seeing that his gain is so much greater with the worse than with the better. Thereby you shall also encourage other men to undertake the writing of plays who do now despise it and leave it wholly to those whose counsels will work little good to your realm. For this writing of plays is a great matter, forming as it does the minds and affections of men in such sort that whatsoever they see done in show on the stage, they will presently be doing in earnest in the world, which is but a larger stage. Of late, as you know, the Church taught the people by means of plays; but the people flocked only to such as were full of superstitious miracles and bloody martyrdoms; and so the Church, which also was just then brought into straits by the policy of your royal father, did abandon and discountenance the art of playing; and thus it fell into the hands of poor players and greedy merchants that had their pockets to look to and not the greatness of this your kingdom. Therefore now must your Majesty take up that good work that your Church hath abandoned, and restore the art of playing to its former use and dignity.

SHAKESPEAR. Madam: these are the experiences of broke and desperate people who, to avoid starving, give the less discerning what they want most; and what they want, God knows, isn’t their own improvement or education, as we can see from the example of churches, which have to force people to attend, even though they’re open to all for free. Only when there’s a murder, a scheme, a pretty young man in a dress, or some scandalous tale will audiences pay the high price for good actors and their fancy costumes, with a bit of profit on the side. To prove this, I’ll tell you that I’ve written two noble and excellent plays focused on the empowerment of virtuous and industrious women, just like your Majesty is: one featuring a skilled doctor, and the other a sister dedicated to good deeds. I’ve also borrowed two of the most absurd tales from a book of frivolous stories, in one of which a woman dresses like a man and makes bold advances on her lover, who impresses the audience by defeating a wrestler; while in the other, a woman of the same kind demonstrates her cleverness by making endless inappropriate comments to a man as scandalous as she is. I wrote these to protect my friends from poverty, while showing my contempt for such nonsense and for those who praise it by calling one As You Like It, meaning it’s not as I like it, and the other Much Ado About Nothing, which it truly is. And now these two vulgar pieces push their nobler counterparts off the stage, where I can’t even have my lady doctor performed at all, as she’s too honorable for the tastes of the town. Therefore, I humbly ask your Majesty to ensure that a theater be funded from public revenue for the performance of my pieces, which no merchant will touch, given that his profits are far greater with the worse than with the better. This will also encourage other writers to embark on playwriting, who now hold it in contempt and leave it entirely to those whose ideas will do little good for your realm. Writing plays is very important, as it shapes the thoughts and feelings of people, so that whatever they see performed on stage, they will soon be doing in real life in a world that’s just a larger stage. Recently, as you know, the Church taught the people through plays; but people only flocked to those filled with superstitious miracles and bloody martyrdoms; and so the Church, which had just then fallen into difficulties due to your royal father’s policies, abandoned and discredited the art of acting; and thus it fell into the hands of poor actors and greedy merchants who were only looking out for themselves, not the greatness of your kingdom. Therefore, your Majesty must now take on the good work that your Church has abandoned and restore the art of acting to its former purpose and dignity.

ELIZABETH. Master Shakespear: I will speak of this matter to the Lord Treasurer.

ELIZABETH. Master Shakespeare: I will talk about this with the Lord Treasurer.

SHAKESPEAR. Then am I undone, madam; for there was never yet a Lord Treasurer that could find a penny for anything over and above the necessary expenses of your government, save for a war or a salary for his own nephew.

SHAKESPEAR. Then I’m in trouble, madam; because there has never been a Lord Treasurer who could find a penny for anything beyond the essential costs of your government, except for a war or a paycheck for his own nephew.

ELIZABETH. Master Shakespear: you speak sooth; yet cannot I in any wise mend it. I dare not offend my unruly Puritans by making so lewd a place as the playhouse a public charge; and there be a thousand things to be done in this London of mine before your poetry can have its penny from the general purse. I tell thee, Master Will, it will be three hundred years and more before my subjects learn that man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that cometh from the mouth of those whom God inspires. By that time you and I will be dust beneath the feet of the horses, if indeed there be any horses then, and men be still riding instead of flying. Now it may be that by then your works will be dust also.

ELIZABETH. Master Shakespeare: you speak the truth; but I can’t fix this in any way. I can’t risk angering my unruly Puritans by making such a disreputable place as the playhouse a public expense; and there are a thousand things that need doing in my London before your poetry can get its share from the public purse. I’m telling you, Master Will, it will be three hundred years or more before my people realize that man cannot live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from those whom God inspires. By then, you and I will just be dust beneath the hooves of horses, if there are even horses around then, and people are still riding instead of flying. It’s possible that by then your works will also be dust.

SHAKESPEAR. They will stand, madam: fear nor for that.

SHAKESPEARE. They'll stand, ma'am: don’t worry about that.

ELIZABETH. It may prove so. But of this I am certain (for I know my countrymen) that until every other country in the Christian world, even to barbarian Muscovy and the hamlets of the boorish Germans, have its playhouse at the public charge, England will never adventure. And she will adventure then only because it is her desire to be ever in the fashion, and to do humbly and dutifully whatso she seeth everybody else doing. In the meantime you must content yourself as best you can by the playing of those two pieces which you give out as the most damnable ever writ, but which your countrymen, I warn you, will swear are the best you have ever done. But this I will say, that if I could speak across the ages to our descendants, I should heartily recommend them to fulfil your wish; for the Scottish minstrel hath well said that he that maketh the songs of a nation is mightier than he that maketh its laws; and the same may well be true of plays and interludes. [The clock chimes the first quarter. The warder returns on his round]. And now, sir, we are upon the hour when it better beseems a virgin queen to be abed than to converse alone with the naughtiest of her subjects. Ho there! Who keeps ward on the queen's lodgings tonight?

ELIZABETH. That might be true. But I am certain of this (because I know my countrymen): until every other country in the Christian world, even the uncivilized Muscovy and the villages of the rude Germans, have their theaters funded by the public, England will never take the risk. And she will only take that risk then because she wants to stay in style and will humbly and dutifully do whatever she sees everyone else doing. In the meantime, you must make do as best you can with the two pieces you claim are the worst ever written, but which I warn you, your fellow countrymen will insist are your best work. But I will say this: if I could speak across time to our descendants, I would strongly recommend they fulfill your wish; for the Scottish minstrel has rightly said that the person who creates a nation's songs is more powerful than the one who creates its laws, and the same could well be true for plays and performances. [The clock chimes the first quarter. The warder returns on his round]. And now, sir, we have reached the hour when it is more fitting for a virgin queen to be in bed than to talk alone with the most disreputable of her subjects. Hey there! Who is keeping watch over the queen's quarters tonight?

THE WARDER. I do, an't please your majesty.

THE WARDEN. I do, if it pleases your majesty.

ELIZABETH. See that you keep it better in future. You have let pass a most dangerous gallant even to the very door of our royal chamber. Lead him forth; and bring me word when he is safely locked out; for I shall scarce dare disrobe until the palace gates are between us.

ELIZABETH. Make sure you handle it better from now on. You’ve let a very dangerous suitor come right to the door of our royal chamber. Take him away; and let me know when he is safely locked out, because I can hardly dare to change until the palace gates are between us.

SHAKESPEAR. [kissing her hand] My body goes through the gate into the darkness, madam; but my thoughts follow you.

SHAKESPEARE. [kissing her hand] My body passes through the gate into the darkness, ma'am; but my thoughts are with you.

ELIZABETH. How! to my bed!

ELIZABETH. What! To my bed!

SHAKESPEAR. No, madam, to your prayers, in which I beg you to remember my theatre.

SHAKESPEARE. No, ma'am, please focus on your prayers, and I ask you to remember my theater in them.

ELIZABETH. That is my prayer to posterity. Forget not your own to God; and so goodnight, Master Will.

ELIZABETH. That is my prayer for future generations. Don't forget your own prayers to God; and so, goodnight, Master Will.

SHAKESPEAR. Goodnight, great Elizabeth. God save the Queen!

SHAKESPEAR. Goodnight, great Elizabeth. God save the Queen!

ELIZABETH. Amen.

ELIZABETH. Agree.

Exeunt severally: she to her chamber: he, in custody of the warder, to the gate nearest Blackfriars.

They exit separately: she goes to her room, and he, under the guard of the officer, heads to the gate closest to Blackfriars.

AYOT, ST. LAWRENCE, 20th June 1910.

AYOT, ST. LAWRENCE, June 20, 1910.





First Transcriber's Notes on the editing:
Punctuation and spelling retained as in the printed text. Shaw intentionally spelled many words according to a non-standard system. For example, "don't" is given as "dont" (without apostrophe), "Dr." is given as "Dr" (without a period at the end), and "Shakespeare" is given as "Shakespear" (no "e" at the end). The pound (currency) symbol has been replaced by the word "pounds".

First Transcriber's Notes on the editing:
Punctuation and spelling are kept as in the printed text. Shaw purposely spelled many words in a non-standard way. For example, "don't" is written as "dont" (without an apostrophe), "Dr." is written as "Dr" (without a period), and "Shakespeare" is written as "Shakespear" (no "e" at the end). The pound (currency) symbol has been replaced with the word "pounds".






Download ePUB

If you like this ebook, consider a donation!