This is a modern-English version of In the Cage, originally written by James, Henry. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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In the Cage

by Henry James


Contents

I.
II.
III.
IV.
V.
VI.
VII.
VIII.
IX.
X.
XI.
XII.
XIII.
XIV.
XV.
XVI.
XVII.
XVIII.
XIX.
XX.
XXI.
XXII.
XXIII.
XXIV.
XXV.
XXVI.
XXVII.

CHAPTER I.

It had occurred to her early that in her position—that of a young person spending, in framed and wired confinement, the life of a guinea-pig or a magpie—she should know a great many persons without their recognising the acquaintance. That made it an emotion the more lively—though singularly rare and always, even then, with opportunity still very much smothered—to see any one come in whom she knew outside, as she called it, any one who could add anything to the meanness of her function. Her function was to sit there with two young men—the other telegraphist and the counter-clerk; to mind the “sounder,” which was always going, to dole out stamps and postal-orders, weigh letters, answer stupid questions, give difficult change and, more than anything else, count words as numberless as the sands of the sea, the words of the telegrams thrust, from morning to night, through the gap left in the high lattice, across the encumbered shelf that her forearm ached with rubbing. This transparent screen fenced out or fenced in, according to the side of the narrow counter on which the human lot was cast, the duskiest corner of a shop pervaded not a little, in winter, by the poison of perpetual gas, and at all times by the presence of hams, cheese, dried fish, soap, varnish, paraffin and other solids and fluids that she came to know perfectly by their smells without consenting to know them by their names.

It had dawned on her early on that in her role—as a young person stuck in a framed and wired enclosure, living like a guinea pig or a magpie—she would know a lot of people without them recognizing her. This made the feelings even more intense, though quite rare and always, even then, with the opportunity still largely stifled, to see anyone come in whom she knew from outside, as she referred to it, anyone who could add to the dullness of her job. Her job was to sit there with two young men—the other telegraphist and the counter-clerk; to manage the “sounder,” which was always buzzing, to hand out stamps and postal orders, weigh letters, answer silly questions, give tricky change, and, more than anything else, count words as countless as the grains of sand on the beach, the words of the telegrams pushed through the gap in the high lattice from morning to night, across the cluttered shelf that made her forearm ache from rubbing. This clear screen separated or enclosed, depending on which side of the narrow counter you were on, the darkest corner of a shop that was filled, especially in winter, with the fumes of constant gas, and at all times by the presence of hams, cheese, dried fish, soap, varnish, paraffin, and other solid and liquid substances that she came to recognize perfectly by their smells without agreeing to know them by their names.

The barrier that divided the little post-and-telegraph-office from the grocery was a frail structure of wood and wire; but the social, the professional separation was a gulf that fortune, by a stroke quite remarkable, had spared her the necessity of contributing at all publicly to bridge. When Mr. Cocker’s young men stepped over from behind the other counter to change a five-pound note—and Mr. Cocker’s situation, with the cream of the “Court Guide” and the dearest furnished apartments, Simpkin’s, Ladle’s, Thrupp’s, just round the corner, was so select that his place was quite pervaded by the crisp rustle of these emblems—she pushed out the sovereigns as if the applicant were no more to her than one of the momentary, the practically featureless, appearances in the great procession; and this perhaps all the more from the very fact of the connexion (only recognised outside indeed) to which she had lent herself with ridiculous inconsequence. She recognised the others the less because she had at last so unreservedly, so irredeemably, recognised Mr. Mudge. However that might be, she was a little ashamed of having to admit to herself that Mr. Mudge’s removal to a higher sphere—to a more commanding position, that is, though to a much lower neighbourhood—would have been described still better as a luxury than as the mere simplification, the corrected awkwardness, that she contented herself with calling it. He had at any rate ceased to be all day long in her eyes, and this left something a little fresh for them to rest on of a Sunday. During the three months of his happy survival at Cocker’s after her consent to their engagement she had often asked herself what it was marriage would be able to add to a familiarity that seemed already to have scraped the platter so clean. Opposite there, behind the counter of which his superior stature, his whiter apron, his more clustering curls and more present, too present, h’s had been for a couple of years the principal ornament, he had moved to and fro before her as on the small sanded floor of their contracted future. She was conscious now of the improvement of not having to take her present and her future at once. They were about as much as she could manage when taken separate.

The barrier that separated the small post-and-telegraph office from the grocery was a flimsy structure of wood and wire; but the social and professional divide was a gap that luck, in a rather remarkable way, had spared her from having to publicly bridge at all. When Mr. Cocker’s young men came over from behind the counter to change a five-pound note—and considering Mr. Cocker’s status, with the best listings in the “Court Guide” and the fanciest furnished apartments, like Simpkin’s, Ladle’s, and Thrupp’s just around the corner, his place was quite classy—she handed over the sovereigns as if the person asking was no more than one of the fleeting, mostly featureless faces in the vast crowd; and perhaps this was even more true because of the connection (only recognized outside, really) she had made with absurd inconsistency. She acknowledged the others even less because she had finally, completely, and irreversibly recognized Mr. Mudge. Regardless, she felt a bit embarrassed to admit to herself that Mr. Mudge moving to a higher status—meaning a more prominent role, although in a much lower area—could be better described as a luxury rather than just a simplification, or fixing awkwardness, that she merely told herself it was. At any rate, he was no longer in her sight every day, which allowed something a bit fresh for her to focus on during Sundays. During the three months of his happy stay at Cocker’s after she agreed to their engagement, she had often wondered what marriage could possibly add to a familiarity that already felt so thoroughly explored. Opposite her, behind the counter where his taller stature, whiter apron, more abundant curls, and too-present h’s had been the main highlight for a couple of years, he moved back and forth before her as if on the small sanded floor of their limited future. She now appreciated the relief of not having to confront her present and future all at once. They were about as much as she could handle when taken separately.

She had, none the less, to give her mind steadily to what Mr. Mudge had again written her about, the idea of her applying for a transfer to an office quite similar—she couldn’t yet hope for a place in a bigger—under the very roof where he was foreman, so that, dangled before her every minute of the day, he should see her, as he called it, “hourly,” and in a part, the far N.W. district, where, with her mother, she would save on their two rooms alone nearly three shillings. It would be far from dazzling to exchange Mayfair for Chalk Farm, and it wore upon her much that he could never drop a subject; still, it didn’t wear as things had worn, the worries of the early times of their great misery, her own, her mother’s and her elder sister’s—the last of whom had succumbed to all but absolute want when, as conscious and incredulous ladies, suddenly bereft, betrayed, overwhelmed, they had slipped faster and faster down the steep slope at the bottom of which she alone had rebounded. Her mother had never rebounded any more at the bottom than on the way; had only rumbled and grumbled down and down, making, in respect of caps, topics and “habits,” no effort whatever—which simply meant smelling much of the time of whiskey.

She still had to focus on what Mr. Mudge had written to her again about the idea of applying for a transfer to a similar office—she couldn’t expect a position in a larger one yet—under the same roof where he was the foreman, so that he would see her, as he put it, “hourly,” in a part of the far N.W. district where, along with her mother, they would save almost three shillings on their two rooms alone. It wouldn't be glamorous to swap Mayfair for Chalk Farm, and it frustrated her that he could never let a subject drop; still, it didn’t weigh on her as much as the early worries from their time of great misery—her own, her mother's, and her older sister's—the last of whom had succumbed to near poverty when, as shocked and disbelieving women, suddenly uprooted and betrayed, they had slid down the steep slope, with her alone managing to bounce back at the bottom. Her mother never bounced back on the way down or at the bottom; she just kept rumbling and grumbling down and down, making no effort regarding caps, topics, and “habits,” which simply meant she often smelled like whiskey.

CHAPTER II.

It was always rather quiet at Cocker’s while the contingent from Ladle’s and Thrupp’s and all the other great places were at luncheon, or, as the young men used vulgarly to say, while the animals were feeding. She had forty minutes in advance of this to go home for her own dinner; and when she came back and one of the young men took his turn there was often half an hour during which she could pull out a bit of work or a book—a book from the place where she borrowed novels, very greasy, in fine print and all about fine folks, at a ha’penny a day. This sacred pause was one of the numerous ways in which the establishment kept its finger on the pulse of fashion and fell into the rhythm of the larger life. It had something to do, one day, with the particular flare of importance of an arriving customer, a lady whose meals were apparently irregular, yet whom she was destined, she afterwards found, not to forget. The girl was blasée; nothing could belong more, as she perfectly knew, to the intense publicity of her profession; but she had a whimsical mind and wonderful nerves; she was subject, in short, to sudden flickers of antipathy and sympathy, red gleams in the grey, fitful needs to notice and to “care,” odd caprices of curiosity. She had a friend who had invented a new career for women—that of being in and out of people’s houses to look after the flowers. Mrs. Jordan had a manner of her own of sounding this allusion; “the flowers,” on her lips, were, in fantastic places, in happy homes, as usual as the coals or the daily papers. She took charge of them, at any rate, in all the rooms, at so much a month, and people were quickly finding out what it was to make over this strange burden of the pampered to the widow of a clergyman. The widow, on her side, dilating on the initiations thus opened up to her, had been splendid to her young friend, over the way she was made free of the greatest houses—the way, especially when she did the dinner-tables, set out so often for twenty, she felt that a single step more would transform her whole social position. On its being asked of her then if she circulated only in a sort of tropical solitude, with the upper servants for picturesque natives, and on her having to assent to this glance at her limitations, she had found a reply to the girl’s invidious question. “You’ve no imagination, my dear!”—that was because a door more than half open to the higher life couldn’t be called anything but a thin partition. Mrs. Jordan’s imagination quite did away with the thickness.

It was usually pretty quiet at Cocker’s while the crowd from Ladle’s, Thrupp’s, and all the other fancy places were at lunch, or, as the younger guys crudely put it, while the animals were feeding. She had forty minutes to head home for her own dinner, and when she returned, there was often a half-hour when she could pull out some work or a book—a book from the place where she borrowed novels, which were pretty worn, in small print, and all about rich folks, for a ha’penny a day. This sacred break was one of the many ways the establishment kept up with fashion and blended into the rhythm of the bigger world. One day, it had something to do with the notable entrance of a customer, a lady whose meal schedule seemed irregular, yet she later realized she wouldn’t forget her. The girl was blasée; nothing belonged more, as she fully recognized, to the intense spotlight of her job; but she had a quirky mind and strong nerves; she was prone, in short, to sudden flashes of dislike and affection, red sparks in the grey, unpredictable urges to notice and to “care,” and peculiar curiosities. She had a friend who had come up with a new job for women—that of going in and out of people’s homes to take care of the flowers. Mrs. Jordan had her unique way of hinting at this idea; “the flowers,” when she mentioned them, were, in charming homes, as common as coal or the daily newspapers. She took care of them, at least, in all the rooms, for a monthly fee, and people were starting to realize what it meant to hand over this strange burden of the pampered to the widow of a clergyman. The widow, reflecting on the new opportunities presented to her, had been generous to her young friend, especially about how she gained access to the grandest houses—how, particularly when she set the dinner tables often for twenty, she felt that one more step could change her entire social status. When it was asked if she moved about only in a sort of tropical seclusion, with the upper servants as picturesque natives, and she had to agree with this observation about her limits, she found a response to the girl’s unflattering question. “You’ve no imagination, my dear!”—that was because a door more than half open to the better life couldn’t be anything but a thin wall. Mrs. Jordan’s imagination completely eliminated the barrier.

Our young lady had not taken up the charge, had dealt with it good-humouredly, just because she knew so well what to think of it. It was at once one of her most cherished complaints and most secret supports that people didn’t understand her, and it was accordingly a matter of indifference to her that Mrs. Jordan shouldn’t; even though Mrs. Jordan, handed down from their early twilight of gentility and also the victim of reverses, was the only member of her circle in whom she recognised an equal. She was perfectly aware that her imaginative life was the life in which she spent most of her time; and she would have been ready, had it been at all worth while, to contend that, since her outward occupation didn’t kill it, it must be strong indeed. Combinations of flowers and green-stuff, forsooth! What she could handle freely, she said to herself, was combinations of men and women. The only weakness in her faculty came from the positive abundance of her contact with the human herd; this was so constant, it had so the effect of cheapening her privilege, that there were long stretches in which inspiration, divination and interest quite dropped. The great thing was the flashes, the quick revivals, absolute accidents all, and neither to be counted on nor to be resisted. Some one had only sometimes to put in a penny for a stamp and the whole thing was upon her. She was so absurdly constructed that these were literally the moments that made up—made up for the long stiffness of sitting there in the stocks, made up for the cunning hostility of Mr. Buckton and the importunate sympathy of the counter-clerk, made up for the daily deadly flourishy letter from Mr. Mudge, made up even for the most haunting of her worries, the rage at moments of not knowing how her mother did “get it.”

Our young lady hadn’t taken on the responsibility, and she handled it with good humor, simply because she knew exactly what to think about it. It was both one of her most cherished complaints and her most secret source of support that people didn’t understand her, so it didn’t bother her that Mrs. Jordan didn’t; even though Mrs. Jordan, who came from their early days of gentility and had also faced setbacks, was the only person in her circle whom she recognized as her equal. She was fully aware that her imaginative life was where she spent most of her time; and she would have argued, had it been worthwhile, that since her outward activities didn’t stifle it, it must be quite strong. Combinations of flowers and greenery, really! What she could easily manage, she thought, were combinations of men and women. The only flaw in her abilities came from the overwhelming abundance of her interactions with people; this was so constant that it cheapened her privilege, resulting in long stretches where inspiration, intuition, and interest completely faded. The key moments were the flashes of insight, the sudden revivals, all absolute accidents, neither to be relied upon nor resisted. Sometimes someone just had to put in a penny for a stamp, and the whole thing would hit her. She was so absurdly made that those were literally the moments that compensated for the long stiffness of sitting there immobilized, compensated for the cunning hostility of Mr. Buckton and the relentless sympathy of the clerk, compensated for the daily annoying letter from Mr. Mudge, and even compensated for her most troubling worry, which was the confusion at times over how her mother managed to “get it.”

She had surrendered herself moreover of late to a certain expansion of her consciousness; something that seemed perhaps vulgarly accounted for by the fact that, as the blast of the season roared louder and the waves of fashion tossed their spray further over the counter, there were more impressions to be gathered and really—for it came to that—more life to be led. Definite at any rate it was that by the time May was well started the kind of company she kept at Cocker’s had begun to strike her as a reason—a reason she might almost put forward for a policy of procrastination. It sounded silly, of course, as yet, to plead such a motive, especially as the fascination of the place was after all a sort of torment. But she liked her torment; it was a torment she should miss at Chalk Farm. She was ingenious and uncandid, therefore, about leaving the breadth of London a little longer between herself and that austerity. If she hadn’t quite the courage in short to say to Mr. Mudge that her actual chance for a play of mind was worth any week the three shillings he desired to help her to save, she yet saw something happen in the course of the month that in her heart of hearts at least answered the subtle question. This was connected precisely with the appearance of the memorable lady.

She had recently opened herself up to a certain expansion of her consciousness; something that could be explained, perhaps too simply, by the fact that, as the seasonal blast grew louder and the waves of fashion splashed more widely across the counter, there were more experiences to be collected and really—for that matter—more life to be lived. What was clear, at least, was that by the time May had really taken off, the type of company she was keeping at Cocker’s started to seem like a reason—a reason she could almost use to justify her delay. It felt silly, of course, to cite such a motive, especially since the allure of the place was, ultimately, a kind of torment. But she enjoyed her torment; it was something she would miss at Chalk Farm. She was clever and not entirely honest, therefore, about wanting to keep the distance of London a little longer between herself and that severity. If she couldn’t quite muster the courage to tell Mr. Mudge that her actual chance for mental enjoyment was worth any week of the three shillings he wanted her to save, she did see something unfold during the month that, at the very least in her heart, addressed the subtle question. This was specifically tied to the appearance of the memorable lady.

CHAPTER III.

She pushed in three bescribbled forms which the girl’s hand was quick to appropriate, Mr. Buckton having so frequent a perverse instinct for catching first any eye that promised the sort of entertainment with which she had her peculiar affinity. The amusements of captives are full of a desperate contrivance, and one of our young friend’s ha’pennyworths had been the charming tale of Picciola. It was of course the law of the place that they were never to take no notice, as Mr. Buckton said, whom they served; but this also never prevented, certainly on the same gentleman’s own part, what he was fond of describing as the underhand game. Both her companions, for that matter, made no secret of the number of favourites they had among the ladies; sweet familiarities in spite of which she had repeatedly caught each of them in stupidities and mistakes, confusions of identity and lapses of observation that never failed to remind her how the cleverness of men ends where the cleverness of women begins. “Marguerite, Regent Street. Try on at six. All Spanish lace. Pearls. The full length.” That was the first; it had no signature. “Lady Agnes Orme, Hyde Park Place. Impossible to-night, dining Haddon. Opera to-morrow, promised Fritz, but could do play Wednesday. Will try Haddon for Savoy, and anything in the world you like, if you can get Gussy. Sunday Montenero. Sit Mason Monday, Tuesday. Marguerite awful. Cissy.” That was the second. The third, the girl noted when she took it, was on a foreign form: “Everard, Hôtel Brighton, Paris. Only understand and believe. 22nd to 26th, and certainly 8th and 9th. Perhaps others. Come. Mary.”

She handed over three scribbled forms that the girl quickly grabbed, as Mr. Buckton had a knack for catching anyone's eye who showed the type of interest that she found particularly entertaining. The pastimes of captives are often filled with desperate creativity, and one of our young friend’s little treasures had been the lovely story of Picciola. Of course, it was the rule that they were not to acknowledge, as Mr. Buckton said, the people they served; however, this never stopped him from what he liked to call the underhand game. Both of her companions didn’t hide their number of favorites among the ladies; sweet familiarities, despite which she had caught each of them several times in silly mistakes, mix-ups in identity, and lapses in observation that constantly reminded her how the cleverness of men ends where the cleverness of women begins. “Marguerite, Regent Street. Try on at six. All Spanish lace. Pearls. The full length.” That was the first; it had no signature. “Lady Agnes Orme, Hyde Park Place. Impossible tonight, dining with Haddon. Opera tomorrow, promised Fritz, but could do the play Wednesday. Will try Haddon for Savoy, and anything you want, if you can get Gussy. Sunday Montenero. Sit Mason Monday, Tuesday. Marguerite is dreadful. Cissy.” That was the second. The third, which the girl noticed when she took it, was on an international form: “Everard, Hôtel Brighton, Paris. Just understand and believe. 22nd to 26th, and definitely 8th and 9th. Maybe others. Come. Mary.”

Mary was very handsome, the handsomest woman, she felt in a moment, she had ever seen—or perhaps it was only Cissy. Perhaps it was both, for she had seen stranger things than that—ladies wiring to different persons under different names. She had seen all sorts of things and pieced together all sorts of mysteries. There had once been one—not long before—who, without winking, sent off five over five different signatures. Perhaps these represented five different friends who had asked her—all women, just as perhaps now Mary and Cissy, or one or other of them, were wiring by deputy. Sometimes she put in too much—too much of her own sense; sometimes she put in too little; and in either case this often came round to her afterwards, for she had an extraordinary way of keeping clues. When she noticed she noticed; that was what it came to. There were days and days, there were weeks sometimes, of vacancy. This arose often from Mr. Buckton’s devilish and successful subterfuges for keeping her at the sounder whenever it looked as if anything might arouse; the sounder, which it was equally his business to mind, being the innermost cell of captivity, a cage within the cage, fenced oft from the rest by a frame of ground glass. The counter-clerk would have played into her hands; but the counter-clerk was really reduced to idiocy by the effect of his passion for her. She flattered herself moreover, nobly, that with the unpleasant conspicuity of this passion she would never have consented to be obliged to him. The most she would ever do would be always to shove off on him whenever she could the registration of letters, a job she happened particularly to loathe. After the long stupors, at all events, there almost always suddenly would come a sharp taste of something; it was in her mouth before she knew it; it was in her mouth now.

Mary was stunning, the most beautiful woman she had ever seen—or maybe it was just Cissy. Maybe it was both, because she had seen stranger things than that—like women sending messages to different people under different names. She had encountered all sorts of things and solved all kinds of mysteries. Not long ago, there had been one woman who, without batting an eye, sent off five messages using five different names. Perhaps these represented five different friends who had asked her— all women, just like Mary and Cissy, or one of them, might be messaging through someone else now. Sometimes she overthought things—putting in too much of her own perspective; sometimes she didn’t think enough; and either way, this often came back to her later, since she had an incredible knack for keeping track of clues. When she noticed something, she really noticed it; that was just how it was. There were days, and even weeks, where nothing happened. This often resulted from Mr. Buckton’s clever and effective tricks to keep her at the sounder whenever it seemed like something might happen; the sounder, which was also his responsibility to attend to, being the innermost cell of confinement, a cage within a cage, separated from the rest by a frame of ground glass. The counter-clerk would have been helpful to her, but he was genuinely reduced to foolishness by his feelings for her. She took pride in believing that due to the unpleasant visibility of his affection, she would never have let herself be indebted to him. The most she would ever do was push the task of registering letters onto him whenever she could, a job she particularly hated. After those long periods of nothingness, there would almost always suddenly come a sharp taste of something; it would be in her mouth before she realized it; it was in her mouth now.

To Cissy, to Mary, whichever it was, she found her curiosity going out with a rush, a mute effusion that floated back to her, like a returning tide, the living colour and splendour of the beautiful head, the light of eyes that seemed to reflect such utterly other things than the mean things actually before them; and, above all, the high curt consideration of a manner that even at bad moments was a magnificent habit and of the very essence of the innumerable things—her beauty, her birth, her father and mother, her cousins and all her ancestors—that its possessor couldn’t have got rid of even had she wished. How did our obscure little public servant know that for the lady of the telegrams this was a bad moment? How did she guess all sorts of impossible things, such as, almost on the very spot, the presence of drama at a critical stage and the nature of the tie with the gentleman at the Hôtel Brighton? More than ever before it floated to her through the bars of the cage that this at last was the high reality, the bristling truth that she had hitherto only patched up and eked out—one of the creatures, in fine, in whom all the conditions for happiness actually met, and who, in the air they made, bloomed with an unwitting insolence. What came home to the girl was the way the insolence was tempered by something that was equally a part of the distinguished life, the custom of a flowerlike bend to the less fortunate—a dropped fragrance, a mere quick breath, but which in fact pervaded and lingered. The apparition was very young, but certainly married, and our fatigued friend had a sufficient store of mythological comparison to recognise the port of Juno. Marguerite might be “awful,” but she knew how to dress a goddess.

To Cissy, or Mary, whoever it was, she felt her curiosity surge forward, a silent outpouring that came back to her like a returning tide. The vibrant color and beauty of the lovely head, the light in the eyes that seemed to reflect things far beyond the ordinary sights around them; and especially, the elegant consideration in her manner that, even in not-so-great moments, was a magnificent habit and the essence of all the countless things—her beauty, her lineage, her parents, her cousins, and all her ancestors—that the owner couldn’t have shaken off even if she had wanted to. How could our inconspicuous little public servant know that this was a tough moment for the lady of the telegrams? How did she sense all sorts of unlikely things, like the dramatic tension at a crucial point and the nature of the connection with the man at the Hôtel Brighton? More than ever, it struck her that this was the ultimate reality, the raw truth she had only superficially acknowledged—one of those individuals, in fact, where all the conditions for happiness genuinely came together, and who, in the atmosphere they created, exuded an unintentional arrogance. What resonated with the girl was how this arrogance was softened by something that was also integral to a distinguished life, the practice of a flower-like inclination towards those less fortunate—a fleeting fragrance, a slight breath, but which actually filled the space and lingered. The vision was very young, but certainly married, and our weary friend had enough mythical comparisons to identify the presence of Juno. Marguerite might be "awful," but she knew how to dress like a goddess.

Pearls and Spanish lace—she herself, with assurance, could see them, and the “full length” too, and also red velvet bows, which, disposed on the lace in a particular manner (she could have placed them with the turn of a hand) were of course to adorn the front of a black brocade that would be like a dress in a picture. However, neither Marguerite nor Lady Agnes nor Haddon nor Fritz nor Gussy was what the wearer of this garment had really come in for. She had come in for Everard—and that was doubtless not his true name either. If our young lady had never taken such jumps before it was simply that she had never before been so affected. She went all the way. Mary and Cissy had been round together, in their single superb person, to see him—he must live round the corner; they had found that, in consequence of something they had come, precisely, to make up for or to have another scene about, he had gone off—gone off just on purpose to make them feel it; on which they had come together to Cocker’s as to the nearest place; where they had put in the three forms partly in order not to put in the one alone. The two others in a manner, covered it, muffled it, passed it off. Oh yes, she went all the way, and this was a specimen of how she often went. She would know the hand again any time. It was as handsome and as everything else as the woman herself. The woman herself had, on learning his flight, pushed past Everard’s servant and into his room; she had written her missive at his table and with his pen. All this, every inch of it, came in the waft that she blew through and left behind her, the influence that, as I have said, lingered. And among the things the girl was sure of, happily, was that she should see her again.

Pearls and Spanish lace—she could clearly picture them, along with the “full length,” and the red velvet bows arranged on the lace in a specific way (she could have placed them with just a flick of her hand) that were meant to decorate the front of a black brocade that looked like a dress in a painting. However, neither Marguerite nor Lady Agnes nor Haddon nor Fritz nor Gussy was the real reason the wearer of this garment had come in. She had come in for Everard—and that was probably not even his real name. If our young lady had never taken such bold steps before, it was simply because she had never been so deeply affected. She made the effort. Mary and Cissy had gone together, in their stunning single selves, to see him—he must live nearby; they learned that, due to something they had come to make up for or to have another scene about, he had left—left just to make them feel it; so they had headed to Cocker’s as the closest place, where they occupied the three seats partly to avoid being alone. The other two partially covered it, muffled it, passed it off. Oh yes, she made the effort, and this was a typical example of how she often did. She would recognize that touch any time. It was as beautiful and remarkable as the woman herself. Upon finding out he had left, the woman had pushed past Everard’s servant and into his room; she had written her note at his table with his pen. All of this, every single detail, was carried in the aura that she exuded and left behind, the influence that, as I mentioned, lingered. And among the things the girl felt confident about, thankfully, was that she would see her again.

CHAPTER IV.

She saw her in fact, and only ten days later; but this time not alone, and that was exactly a part of the luck of it. Not unaware—as how could her observation have left her so?—of the possibilities through which it could range, our young lady had ever since had in her mind a dozen conflicting theories about Everard’s type; as to which, the instant they came into the place, she felt the point settled with a thump that seemed somehow addressed straight to her heart. That organ literally beat faster at the approach of the gentleman who was this time with Cissy, and who, as seen from within the cage, became on the spot the happiest of the happy circumstances with which her mind had invested the friend of Fritz and Gussy. He was a very happy circumstance indeed as, with his cigarette in his lips and his broken familiar talk caught by his companion, he put down the half-dozen telegrams it would take them together several minutes to dispatch. And here it occurred, oddly enough, that if, shortly before the girl’s interest in his companion had sharpened her sense for the messages then transmitted, her immediate vision of himself had the effect, while she counted his seventy words, of preventing intelligibility. His words were mere numbers, they told her nothing whatever; and after he had gone she was in possession of no name, of no address, of no meaning, of nothing but a vague sweet sound and an immense impression. He had been there but five minutes, he had smoked in her face, and, busy with his telegrams, with the tapping pencil and the conscious danger, the odious betrayal that would come from a mistake, she had had no wandering glances nor roundabout arts to spare. Yet she had taken him in; she knew everything; she had made up her mind.

She saw her, in fact, just ten days later; but this time not alone, and that was part of the luck of it. Not unaware—how could her observation have been?—of the possibilities that could unfold, our young lady had since then entertained a dozen conflicting theories about Everard’s type; and the moment they entered the place, it felt as if the answer was settled with a thump that seemed aimed directly at her heart. That organ literally beat faster at the approach of the gentleman who was with Cissy this time, and from her perspective, he instantly became the happiest of the happy circumstances that her mind had associated with Fritz and Gussy’s friend. He truly was a happy circumstance, casually holding a cigarette between his lips and chatting with his companion as he set down the half-dozen telegrams that would take them several minutes to send together. Oddly enough, if the girl's interest in his companion had heightened her awareness of the messages being sent, her immediate perception of him made the seventy words he uttered completely unintelligible as she counted them. His words were just numbers; they meant nothing to her, and after he left, she had no name, no address, no meaning—just a vague sweet sound and a powerful impression. He had only been there for five minutes, he had smoked in her face, and amid his telegrams, the tapping pencil, and the constant worry of making a mistake, she hadn’t had any time for wandering glances or roundabout approaches. Yet she had taken him in; she knew everything; she had made up her mind.

He had come back from Paris; everything was re-arranged; the pair were again shoulder to shoulder in their high encounter with life, their large and complicated game. The fine soundless pulse of this game was in the air for our young woman while they remained in the shop. While they remained? They remained all day; their presence continued and abode with her, was in everything she did till nightfall, in the thousands of other words she counted, she transmitted, in all the stamps she detached and the letters she weighed and the change she gave, equally unconscious and unerring in each of these particulars, and not, as the run on the little office thickened with the afternoon hours, looking up at a single ugly face in the long sequence, nor really hearing the stupid questions that she patiently and perfectly answered. All patience was possible now, all questions were stupid after his, all faces were ugly. She had been sure she should see the lady again; and even now she should perhaps, she should probably, see her often. But for him it was totally different; she should never never see him. She wanted it too much. There was a kind of wanting that helped—she had arrived, with her rich experience, at that generalisation; and there was another kind that was fatal. It was this time the fatal kind; it would prevent.

He had returned from Paris; everything was rearranged; the two of them were once again side by side in their intense engagement with life, their complex and elaborate game. The quiet, invisible rhythm of this game filled the air for our young woman while they were in the shop. While they were there? They stayed all day; their presence lingered with her, influencing everything she did until nightfall, in the thousands of other words she counted, she transmitted, in all the stamps she removed and the letters she weighed and the change she handed out, equally unaware and flawless in each of these tasks, and not, as the flow in the small office picked up during the afternoon, looking up at a single unpleasant face in the long line, nor really hearing the silly questions that she patiently and flawlessly answered. All patience was possible now, all questions felt foolish after his, all faces were unappealing. She had been certain she would see the lady again; and even now she might, she probably would, see her often. But for him, it was completely different; she would never, ever see him again. She desired it too much. There was a type of wanting that was helpful—she had come to that generalization with her rich experience; and there was another type that was deadly. This was definitely the deadly kind; it would hold her back.

Well, she saw him the very next day, and on this second occasion it was quite different; the sense of every syllable he paid for was fiercely distinct; she indeed felt her progressive pencil, dabbing as if with a quick caress the marks of his own, put life into every stroke. He was there a long time—had not brought his forms filled out but worked them off in a nook on the counter; and there were other people as well—a changing pushing cluster, with every one to mind at once and endless right change to make and information to produce. But she kept hold of him throughout; she continued, for herself, in a relation with him as close as that in which, behind the hated ground glass, Mr. Buckton luckily continued with the sounder. This morning everything changed, but rather to dreariness; she had to swallow the rebuff to her theory about fatal desires, which she did without confusion and indeed with absolute levity; yet if it was now flagrant that he did live close at hand—at Park Chambers—and belonged supremely to the class that wired everything, even their expensive feelings (so that, as he never wrote, his correspondence cost him weekly pounds and pounds, and he might be in and out five times a day) there was, all the same, involved in the prospect, and by reason of its positive excess of light, a perverse melancholy, a gratuitous misery. This was at once to give it a place in an order of feelings on which I shall presently touch.

Well, she saw him the very next day, and this time it was completely different; every word he spoke was sharply clear. She truly felt her pencil moving, almost as if it were gently touching the marks he made, bringing life to each stroke. He was there for a long time—hadn't filled out his forms ahead of time but was working on them in a corner at the counter; and there were other people too—a constantly shifting crowd, with everyone needing attention at once and endless right change to deal with and information to provide. But she kept focused on him the whole time; she maintained, for herself, a connection with him as close as the one Mr. Buckton had with the sounder behind the hated frosted glass. This morning everything changed, but in a rather dreary way; she had to deal with the setback to her theory about fatal desires, which she accepted without distress and actually with complete ease; yet while it was now obvious that he lived nearby—at Park Chambers—and belonged to the class that managed everything, even their extravagant feelings (so that, since he never wrote, his correspondence cost him tons of money weekly, and he could come and go five times a day), there was still, wrapped up in this reality, a strange sadness, an unnecessary misery caused by the overwhelming brightness of it all. This immediately gave it a place among feelings that I will discuss shortly.

Meanwhile, for a month, he was very constant. Cissy, Mary, never re-appeared with him; he was always either alone or accompanied only by some gentleman who was lost in the blaze of his glory. There was another sense, however—and indeed there was more than one—in which she mostly found herself counting in the splendid creature with whom she had originally connected him. He addressed this correspondent neither as Mary nor as Cissy; but the girl was sure of whom it was, in Eaten Square, that he was perpetually wiring to—and all so irreproachably!—as Lady Bradeen. Lady Bradeen was Cissy, Lady Bradeen was Mary, Lady Bradeen was the friend of Fritz and of Gussy, the customer of Marguerite, and the close ally in short (as was ideally right, only the girl had not yet found a descriptive term that was) of the most magnificent of men. Nothing could equal the frequency and variety of his communications to her ladyship but their extraordinary, their abysmal propriety. It was just the talk—so profuse sometimes that she wondered what was left for their real meetings—of the very happiest people. Their real meetings must have been constant, for half of it was appointments and allusions, all swimming in a sea of other allusions still, tangled in a complexity of questions that gave a wondrous image of their life. If Lady Bradeen was Juno it was all certainly Olympian. If the girl, missing the answers, her ladyship’s own outpourings, vainly reflected that Cocker’s should have been one of the bigger offices where telegrams arrived as well as departed, there were yet ways in which, on the whole, she pressed the romance closer by reason of the very quantity of imagination it demanded and consumed. The days and hours of this new friend, as she came to account him, were at all events unrolled, and however much more she might have known she would still have wished to go beyond. In fact she did go beyond; she went quite far enough.

Meanwhile, for a month, he was very consistent. Cissy and Mary never showed up with him; he was usually alone or only with some guy who faded into the background of his fame. However, there was another way—actually several ways—she often found herself thinking about the amazing person she had initially linked him to. He never referred to this person as Mary or Cissy; but the girl was certain it was in Eaton Square that he was constantly sending messages to—and all so impeccably!—as Lady Bradeen. Lady Bradeen was Cissy, Lady Bradeen was Mary, Lady Bradeen was the friend of Fritz and Gussy, the client of Marguerite, and the close associate (as was ideally right, only the girl hadn’t yet found a fitting term for it) of the most extraordinary man. Nothing could match the frequency and variety of his messages to her ladyship except for their remarkable, their absolute propriety. It was just the kind of talk—so abundant at times that she wondered what they talked about in person—of the very happiest people. Their in-person meetings must have been frequent, as half of the messages were about plans and hints, all drowning in a sea of other hints still, tangled in a maze of questions that painted a beautiful picture of their life. If Lady Bradeen was Juno, it was definitely divine. If the girl, lacking the answers, her ladyship’s own insights, foolishly thought that Cocker’s should have been one of the bigger offices where telegrams arrived as well as departed, there were still ways in which, for the most part, she pushed the romance closer due to the sheer amount of imagination it required and used up. The days and hours of this new friend, as she came to regard him, were definitely unraveled, and no matter how much more she might have known, she would have still wanted to dig deeper. In fact, she did dig deeper; she went quite far enough.

But she could none the less, even after a month, scarce have told if the gentlemen who came in with him recurred or changed; and this in spite of the fact that they too were always posting and wiring, smoking in her face and signing or not signing. The gentlemen who came in with him were nothing when he was there. They turned up alone at other times—then only perhaps with a dim richness of reference. He himself, absent as well as present, was all. He was very tall, very fair, and had, in spite of his thick preoccupations, a good-humour that was exquisite, particularly as it so often had the effect of keeping him on. He could have reached over anybody, and anybody—no matter who—would have let him; but he was so extraordinarily kind that he quite pathetically waited, never waggling things at her out of his turn nor saying “Here!” with horrid sharpness. He waited for pottering old ladies, for gaping slaveys, for the perpetual Buttonses from Thrupp’s; and the thing in all this that she would have liked most unspeakably to put to the test was the possibility of her having for him a personal identity that might in a particular way appeal. There were moments when he actually struck her as on her side, as arranging to help, to support, to spare her.

But even after a month, she could barely tell if the men who came in with him were the same or different; this was despite the fact that they were always texting and calling, smoking in her face and either signing or not signing. The men who came in with him were irrelevant when he was around. They would show up alone at other times—then only maybe with a vague sense of importance. He himself, whether there or not, was everything. He was very tall, very fair, and despite his busy mind, he had an exquisite good humor, especially since it often kept him engaged. He could have easily reached over anyone, and anyone—no matter who—would have allowed him to; but he was so incredibly kind that he patiently waited, never pushing his way in front of her or calling out “Here!” in a harsh tone. He waited for slow-moving old ladies, for curious assistants, for the usual Buttonses from Thrupp’s; and the one thing she desperately wanted to test was whether she could have a personal connection with him that might resonate in a special way. There were moments when he even seemed to be on her side, as if he was trying to help, support, or relieve her.

But such was the singular spirit of our young friend that she could remind herself with a pang that when people had awfully good manners—people of that class,—you couldn’t tell. These manners were for everybody, and it might be drearily unavailing for any poor particular body to be overworked and unusual. What he did take for granted was all sorts of facility; and his high pleasantness, his relighting of cigarettes while he waited, his unconscious bestowal of opportunities, of boons, of blessings, were all a part of his splendid security, the instinct that told him there was nothing such an existence as his could ever lose by. He was somehow all at once very bright and very grave, very young and immensely complete; and whatever he was at any moment it was always as much as all the rest the mere bloom of his beatitude. He was sometimes Everard, as he had been at the Hôtel Brighton, and he was sometimes Captain Everard. He was sometimes Philip with his surname and sometimes Philip without it. In some directions he was merely Phil, in others he was merely Captain. There were relations in which he was none of these things, but a quite different person—“the Count.” There were several friends for whom he was William. There were several for whom, in allusion perhaps to his complexion, he was “the Pink ‘Un.” Once, once only by good luck, he had, coinciding comically, quite miraculously, with another person also near to her, been “Mudge.” Yes, whatever he was, it was a part of his happiness—whatever he was and probably whatever he wasn’t. And his happiness was a part—it became so little by little—of something that, almost from the first of her being at Cocker’s, had been deeply with the girl.

But our young friend had such a unique spirit that she could remind herself, with a twinge of sadness, that when people had really great manners—people from that class—you couldn’t really tell. These manners were for everyone, and it might feel completely pointless for any single individual to be overworked and unusual. What he took for granted was all kinds of ease; and his cheerful disposition, his lighting up of cigarettes while he waited, his effortless offering of chances, favors, and blessings were all part of his amazing confidence, the instinct that told him that nothing about his life could ever be lost. He was somehow at once very lively and very serious, very young and incredibly complete; and whatever he was at any moment, it always boiled down to the sheer joy of his happiness. He was sometimes Everard, like he had been at the Hôtel Brighton, and sometimes Captain Everard. He was sometimes Philip with his last name and sometimes just Philip. In some circles, he was simply Phil, and in others, just Captain. There were relationships where he was none of these, but someone entirely different—“the Count.” There were a few friends who knew him as William. There were several who, perhaps due to his complexion, called him “the Pink ‘Un.” Once, and only once by lucky chance, he had, in a comically coincidental way, also been “Mudge,” alongside another person close to her. Yes, whatever he was, it was part of his happiness—whatever he was and likely whatever he wasn’t. And his happiness slowly became a part of something that, almost from the very beginning of her time at Cocker’s, had been profoundly connected to the girl.

CHAPTER V.

This was neither more nor less than the queer extension of her experience, the double life that, in the cage, she grew at last to lead. As the weeks went on there she lived more and more into the world of whiffs and glimpses, she found her divinations work faster and stretch further. It was a prodigious view as the pressure heightened, a panorama fed with facts and figures, flushed with a torrent of colour and accompanied with wondrous world-music. What it mainly came to at this period was a picture of how London could amuse itself; and that, with the running commentary of a witness so exclusively a witness, turned for the most part to a hardening of the heart. The nose of this observer was brushed by the bouquet, yet she could never really pluck even a daisy. What could still remain fresh in her daily grind was the immense disparity, the difference and contrast, from class to class, of every instant and every motion. There were times when all the wires in the country seemed to start from the little hole-and-corner where she plied for a livelihood, and where, in the shuffle of feet, the flutter of “forms,” the straying of stamps and the ring of change over the counter, the people she had fallen into the habit of remembering and fitting together with others, and of having her theories and interpretations of, kept up before her their long procession and rotation. What twisted the knife in her vitals was the way the profligate rich scattered about them, in extravagant chatter over their extravagant pleasures and sins, an amount of money that would have held the stricken household of her frightened childhood, her poor pinched mother and tormented father and lost brother and starved sister, together for a lifetime. During her first weeks she had often gasped at the sums people were willing to pay for the stuff they transmitted—the “much love”s, the “awful” regrets, the compliments and wonderments and vain vague gestures that cost the price of a new pair of boots. She had had a way then of glancing at the people’s faces, but she had early learnt that if you became a telegraphist you soon ceased to be astonished. Her eye for types amounted nevertheless to genius, and there were those she liked and those she hated, her feeling for the latter of which grew to a positive possession, an instinct of observation and detection. There were the brazen women, as she called them, of the higher and the lower fashion, whose squanderings and graspings, whose struggles and secrets and love-affairs and lies, she tracked and stored up against them till she had at moments, in private, a triumphant vicious feeling of mastery and ease, a sense of carrying their silly guilty secrets in her pocket, her small retentive brain, and thereby knowing so much more about them than they suspected or would care to think. There were those she would have liked to betray, to trip up, to bring down with words altered and fatal; and all through a personal hostility provoked by the lightest signs, by their accidents of tone and manner, by the particular kind of relation she always happened instantly to feel.

This was nothing more than the strange extension of her experience, the double life she ultimately learned to lead in her confinement. As the weeks passed, she immersed herself more deeply in a world of hints and glimpses; she discovered her insights worked faster and reached further. It was an incredible sight as the pressure intensified, a view filled with facts and figures, vibrant colors, and accompanied by beautiful music from the world. At this point, it mainly showed her how London entertained itself, and that, with the running commentary of someone who was solely a witness, mostly resulted in a hardening of her heart. Although she caught the fragrance of this world, she could never actually pick even a daisy. What remained vivid in her daily routine was the huge gap, the differences and contrasts, from class to class, in every moment and movement. There were times when it felt like all the connections in the country originated from the little corner where she made a living, and where, amid the shuffle of feet, the flutter of “forms,” wandering stamps, and the clinking of coins over the counter, the people she had come to remember and piece together with others, along with her theories and interpretations, kept up their long parade and cycle in front of her. What twisted the knife in her gut was how the reckless wealthy scattered around, chattering extravagantly about their lavish pleasures and sins, an amount of money that could have sustained the struggling household of her frightened childhood—her weary mother, tortured father, lost brother, and starving sister—for a lifetime. During her first few weeks, she often gasped at the amounts people were willing to spend on the messages they sent—the “much love”s, the “awful” regrets, the compliments and marvels, and the empty gestures that cost as much as a new pair of boots. Back then, she would glance at people’s faces, but she quickly learned that once you became a telegraphist, you stopped being amazed. However, her eye for types was almost genius, and there were those she liked and those she disliked, the latter feeling like a consuming instinct for observation and detection. There were the bold women she referred to, from both high and low society, whose wastefulness and greed, struggles and secrets, romances and lies, she tracked and stored up against them until, at times in private, she felt a victorious, vicious sense of mastery and ease, as if she carried their silly guilty secrets in her pocket, her sharp memory, knowing so much more about them than they suspected or would want to think. There were those she wanted to betray, to trip up, to expose with words that were altered and deadly; and through her personal animosity sparked by the slightest signs, by their tone and demeanor, she instantly sensed the particular kind of relationship she always felt.

There were impulses of various kinds, alternately soft and severe, to which she was constitutionally accessible and which were determined by the smallest accidents. She was rigid in general on the article of making the public itself affix its stamps, and found a special enjoyment in dealing to that end with some of the ladies who were too grand to touch them. She had thus a play of refinement and subtlety greater, she flattered herself, than any of which she could be made the subject; and though most people were too stupid to be conscious of this it brought her endless small consolations and revenges. She recognised quite as much those of her sex whom she would have liked to help, to warn, to rescue, to see more of; and that alternative as well operated exactly through the hazard of personal sympathy, her vision for silver threads and moonbeams and her gift for keeping the clues and finding her way in the tangle. The moonbeams and silver threads presented at moments all the vision of what poor she might have made of happiness. Blurred and blank as the whole thing often inevitably, or mercifully, became, she could still, through crevices and crannies, be stupefied, especially by what, in spite of all seasoning, touched the sorest place in her consciousness, the revelation of the golden shower flying about without a gleam of gold for herself. It remained prodigious to the end, the money her fine friends were able to spend to get still more, or even to complain to fine friends of their own that they were in want. The pleasures they proposed were equalled only by those they declined, and they made their appointments often so expensively that she was left wondering at the nature of the delights to which the mere approaches were so paved with shillings. She quivered on occasion into the perception of this and that one whom she would on the chance have just simply liked to be. Her conceit, her baffled vanity, was possibly monstrous; she certainly often threw herself into a defiant conviction that she would have done the whole thing much better. But her greatest comfort, mostly, was her comparative vision of the men; by whom I mean the unmistakeable gentlemen, for she had no interest in the spurious or the shabby and no mercy at all for the poor. She could have found a sixpence, outside, for an appearance of want; but her fancy, in some directions so alert, had never a throb of response for any sign of the sordid. The men she did track, moreover, she tracked mainly in one relation, the relation as to which the cage convinced her, she believed, more than anything else could have done, that it was quite the most diffused.

There were various urges, sometimes gentle and sometimes intense, that she was naturally inclined to feel, influenced by the smallest events. She was generally strict about the public affixing its own stamps and found a particular pleasure in dealing with some ladies who considered themselves too important for that task. This dynamic gave her a sense of sophistication and subtlety that she believed surpassed anything that could be done to her, and although most people were too oblivious to recognize this, it provided her with countless small comforts and little acts of revenge. She equally recognized those women she wished she could assist, warn, save, or just spend more time with; and this desire was also affected by her personal connections, her eye for glimmers and bright moments, along with her ability to keep track of details and navigate through the chaos. The glimmers and bright moments occasionally showed her a glimpse of what she could have made of happiness. Even when everything was often unclear or mercifully vague, she could still be stunned through the cracks and gaps, especially by what, despite everything, hit the most sensitive spot in her mind—the realization of the golden opportunities floating around with no shine of gold for her. It remained astonishing to watch her rich friends spend money to get even more, or even complain to other wealthy friends about their own lack. The pleasures they offered matched only by those they turned down, and they often made their plans so extravagantly that she was left puzzled by what kinds of delights could be paved with so much money. Sometimes she would feel a longing just to be like this or that person. Her pride and frustrated vanity were possibly overwhelming; she often convinced herself that she could have handled it all much better. But her greatest solace was her perspective on men; I mean the unmistakable gentlemen, as she had no interest in the fake or the shabby and showed no compassion at all for the poor. She could have found a sixpence outside that could make it look like she was in need, but her imagination, so quick in some areas, never stirred at any sign of something sordid. The men she did pay attention to, she mostly tracked in one way—the way in which the cage made her believe, more than anything else could, that it was the most common.

She found her ladies, in short, almost always in communication with her gentlemen, and her gentlemen with her ladies, and she read into the immensity of their intercourse stories and meanings without end. Incontestably she grew to think that the men cut the best figure; and in this particular, as in many others, she arrived at a philosophy of her own, all made up of her private notations and cynicisms. It was a striking part of the business, for example, that it was much more the women, on the whole, who were after the men than the men who were after the women: it was literally visible that the general attitude of the one sex was that of the object pursued and defensive, apologetic and attenuating, while the light of her own nature helped her more or less to conclude as to the attitude of the other. Perhaps she herself a little even fell into the custom of pursuit in occasionally deviating only for gentlemen from her high rigour about the stamps. She had early in the day made up her mind, in fine, that they had the best manners; and if there were none of them she noticed when Captain Everard was there, there were plenty she could place and trace and name at other times, plenty who, with their way of being “nice” to her, and of handling, as if their pockets were private tills loose mixed masses of silver and gold, were such pleasant appearances that she could envy them without dislike. They never had to give change—they only had to get it. They ranged through every suggestion, every shade of fortune, which evidently included indeed lots of bad luck as well as of good, declining even toward Mr. Mudge and his bland firm thrift, and ascending, in wild signals and rocket-flights, almost to within hail of her highest standard. So from month to month she went on with them all, through a thousand ups and downs and a thousand pangs and indifferences. What virtually happened was that in the shuffling herd that passed before her by far the greater part only passed—a proportion but just appreciable stayed. Most of the elements swam straight away, lost themselves in the bottomless common, and by so doing really kept the page clear. On the clearness therefore what she did retain stood sharply out; she nipped and caught it, turned it over and interwove it.

She found that her ladies were almost always talking to her gentlemen, and her gentlemen to her ladies, and she read countless stories and meanings into their interactions. She definitely came to think that the men were the more impressive ones; and in this respect, as in many others, she developed her own philosophy, made up of her private notes and cynicism. It was notable, for instance, that it was mostly the women who were pursuing the men rather than the other way around: it was clear that the overall attitude of one sex was that of a pursued object—defensive, apologetic, and downplaying—while her own nature allowed her to infer the attitude of the other. Perhaps she herself occasionally fell into the habit of pursuit, occasionally softening her strictness about the stamps for the gentlemen. She had decided early on that the men had the best manners; and while she didn't notice any of them when Captain Everard was around, there were plenty she could identify and name at other times, many who, by being "nice" to her and handling loose bits of silver and gold as if they were personal treasures, were such charming figures that she envied them without any resentment. They never had to give change—they only had to receive it. They covered every possibility, every variation of fortune, which clearly included a lot of bad luck along with the good, even considering Mr. Mudge and his smooth, careful ways, and reaching, in wild gestures and bursts, nearly up to her highest standards. So month after month she continued with them all, through countless ups and downs and feelings of indifference. What really happened was that among the crowd that passed in front of her, most just passed by—a barely noticeable portion remained. Most of the people drifted away, getting lost in the endless crowd, and by doing so, they actually kept the page clear. Thus, the clarity allowed what she did hold on to stand out sharply; she captured it, examined it, and interwove it.

CHAPTER VI.

She met Mrs. Jordan when she could, and learned from her more and more how the great people, under her gentle shake and after going through everything with the mere shops, were waking up to the gain of putting into the hands of a person of real refinement the question that the shop-people spoke of so vulgarly as that of the floral decorations. The regular dealers in these decorations were all very well; but there was a peculiar magic in the play of taste of a lady who had only to remember, through whatever intervening dusk, all her own little tables, little bowls and little jars and little other arrangements, and the wonderful thing she had made of the garden of the vicarage. This small domain, which her young friend had never seen, bloomed in Mrs. Jordan’s discourse like a new Eden, and she converted the past into a bank of violets by the tone in which she said “Of course you always knew my one passion!” She obviously met now, at any rate, a big contemporary need, measured what it was rapidly becoming for people to feel they could trust her without a tremor. It brought them a peace that—during the quarter of an hour before dinner in especial—was worth more to them than mere payment could express. Mere payment, none the less, was tolerably prompt; she engaged by the month, taking over the whole thing; and there was an evening on which, in respect to our heroine, she at last returned to the charge. “It’s growing and growing, and I see that I must really divide the work. One wants an associate—of one’s own kind, don’t you know? You know the look they want it all to have?—of having come, not from a florist, but from one of themselves. Well, I’m sure you could give it—because you are one. Then we should win. Therefore just come in with me.”

She met Mrs. Jordan whenever she could and learned more and more how the influential people, under her gentle guidance and after navigating through everything with the regular shops, were realizing the benefit of handing over the task of floral decorations to someone with true taste, unlike how the shopkeepers discussed it in such a crude way. The usual sellers of these decorations were fine, but there was something special about the refined touch of a woman who only had to recall, despite any distractions, her own little tables, bowls, jars, and other arrangements, along with the incredible transformation she had created in the vicarage garden. This small space, which her young friend had never seen, blossomed in Mrs. Jordan’s stories like a new paradise, and she turned the past into a treasure trove of violets with the way she said, “Of course you always knew my one passion!” She clearly met a significant contemporary need, showing how quickly people came to trust her without hesitation. It brought them a sense of calm that—especially during the fifteen minutes before dinner—was worth more than any amount of money could express. Nonetheless, payment was always prompt; she engaged on a monthly basis, taking care of everything. One evening, regarding our heroine, she finally brought it up again. “It’s getting bigger and bigger, and I see that I really need to share the workload. One needs a partner—someone of the same caliber, don’t you think? You know the look they want it all to have?—it should feel like it came not from a florist, but from someone like them. Well, I’m sure you could achieve that—because you are one. Then we should succeed. So just join me.”

“And leave the P.O.?”

“And leave the post office?”

“Let the P.O. simply bring you your letters. It would bring you lots, you’d see: orders, after a bit, by the score.” It was on this, in due course, that the great advantage again came up: “One seems to live again with one’s own people.” It had taken some little time (after their having parted company in the tempest of their troubles and then, in the glimmering dawn, finally sighted each other again) for each to admit that the other was, in her private circle, her only equal, but the admission came, when it did come, with an honest groan; and since equality was named, each found much personal profit in exaggerating the other’s original grandeur. Mrs. Jordan was ten years the older, but her young friend was struck with the smaller difference this now made: it had counted otherwise at the time when, much more as a friend of her mother’s, the bereaved lady, without a penny of provision and with stopgaps, like their own, all gone, had, across the sordid landing on which the opposite doors of the pair of scared miseries opened and to which they were bewilderedly bolted, borrowed coals and umbrellas that were repaid in potatoes and postage-stamps. It had been a questionable help, at that time, to ladies submerged, floundering, panting, swimming for their lives, that they were ladies; but such an advantage could come up again in proportion as others vanished, and it had grown very great by the time it was the only ghost of one they possessed. They had literally watched it take to itself a portion of the substance of each that had departed; and it became prodigious now, when they could talk of it together, when they could look back at it across a desert of accepted derogation, and when, above all, they could together work up a credulity about it that neither could otherwise work up. Nothing was really so marked as that they felt the need to cultivate this legend much more after having found their feet and stayed their stomachs in the ultimate obscure than they had done in the upper air of mere frequent shocks. The thing they could now oftenest say to each other was that they knew what they meant; and the sentiment with which, all round, they knew it was known had well-nigh amounted to a promise not again to fall apart.

“Let the post office just deliver your letters. You’d get a lot, trust me: orders, eventually, by the tons.” It was on this topic that the main benefit came up again: “You really feel like you’re living with your own kind.” It took a little while (after they’d separated in the chaos of their troubles and then, in the soft light of dawn, finally spotted each other again) for each to recognize that the other was, in her private circle, her only equal, but when the realization came, it arrived with a genuine groan; and once they acknowledged their equality, each found a lot of personal gain in amplifying the other’s initial greatness. Mrs. Jordan was ten years older, but her younger friend noticed that the age gap mattered less now: it had mattered back when, more as a friend of her mother’s, the grieving lady, having no money and with temporary solutions like their own all exhausted, had borrowed coals and umbrellas across the grim landing between their two miserable homes, which they were bewilderedly stuck in, and repaid them with potatoes and stamps. At that time, being ladies had been a questionable advantage for women who were overwhelmed, struggling, gasping, and fighting for their lives; but such an advantage could redeem itself again as others faded away, and by the time it was the only remnant of what they had, it had grown very significant. They had literally seen it absorb parts of each other that had vanished; and it became extraordinary now that they could discuss it together, reflect on it as they looked over a vast emptiness of accepted belittlement, and above all, build a belief in it together that neither could have built on her own. Nothing was clearer than their need to nurture this myth much more after they had found stability and security in the ultimate obscurity than they had in the breezy air of mere frequent jolts. What they could now most often say to each other was that they understood what they meant; and the feeling that they all shared was almost like a promise never to drift apart again.

Mrs. Jordan was at present fairly dazzling on the subject of the way that, in the practice of her fairy art, as she called it, she more than peeped in—she penetrated. There was not a house of the great kind—and it was of course only a question of those, real homes of luxury—in which she was not, at the rate such people now had things, all over the place. The girl felt before the picture the cold breath of disinheritance as much as she had ever felt it in the cage; she knew moreover how much she betrayed this, for the experience of poverty had begun, in her life, too early, and her ignorance of the requirements of homes of luxury had grown, with other active knowledge, a depth of simplification. She had accordingly at first often found that in these colloquies she could only pretend she understood. Educated as she had rapidly been by her chances at Cocker’s, there were still strange gaps in her learning—she could never, like Mrs. Jordan, have found her way about one of the “homes.” Little by little, however, she had caught on, above all in the light of what Mrs. Jordan’s redemption had materially made of that lady, giving her, though the years and the struggles had naturally not straightened a feature, an almost super-eminent air. There were women in and out of Cocker’s who were quite nice and who yet didn’t look well; whereas Mrs. Jordan looked well and yet, with her extraordinarily protrusive teeth, was by no means quite nice. It would seem, mystifyingly, that it might really come from all the greatness she could live with. It was fine to hear her talk so often of dinners of twenty and of her doing, as she said, exactly as she liked with them. She spoke as if, for that matter, she invited the company. “They simply give me the table—all the rest, all the other effects, come afterwards.”

Mrs. Jordan was currently quite impressive when talking about her so-called fairy art; she didn't just peek in—she fully dove in. There wasn't a single upscale house—only the real luxurious homes—where she wasn't all over the place, considering how people lived these days. The girl felt the chilling weight of being left out as much as she had felt it in the cage; she also recognized how much she was revealing this, since her experience with poverty had started too early in her life, causing her ignorance about the needs of luxury homes to deepen, alongside other practical knowledge. As a result, she often found that during their conversations, she could only pretend to understand. Although her time at Cocker's had educated her quickly, there were still gaps in her knowledge—she could never navigate one of those "homes" like Mrs. Jordan could. Gradually, though, she had started to catch on, especially considering how Mrs. Jordan's transformation had materially changed her, giving her, even though the years and struggles hadn't smoothed her features, an almost exceptional presence. There were women at Cocker's who were nice but didn’t look great; on the other hand, Mrs. Jordan looked great yet, with her incredibly prominent teeth, wasn’t exactly nice. It seemed mystifying that this might actually stem from all the greatness she could handle. It was impressive to hear her talk often about hosting dinners for twenty and doing, as she put it, exactly what she wanted with them. She spoke as if she, for that matter, invited the guests herself. “They just give me the table—all the rest, all the other details, come afterwards.”

CHAPTER VII.

“Then you do see them?” the girl again asked.

“Then you do see them?” the girl asked again.

Mrs. Jordan hesitated, and indeed the point had been ambiguous before. “Do you mean the guests?”

Mrs. Jordan hesitated; the point had indeed been unclear before. “Are you referring to the guests?”

Her young friend, cautious about an undue exposure of innocence, was not quite sure. “Well—the people who live there.”

Her young friend, worried about exposing her innocence too much, wasn't really sure. "Well—the people who live there."

“Lady Ventnor? Mrs. Bubb? Lord Rye? Dear, yes. Why they like one.”

“Lady Ventnor? Mrs. Bubb? Lord Rye? Oh yes, they like one another.”

“But does one personally know them?” our young lady went on, since that was the way to speak. “I mean socially, don’t you know?—as you know me.”

“But does one personally know them?” our young lady continued, since that was how people talked. “I mean socially, you know?—like you know me.”

“They’re not so nice as you!” Mrs. Jordan charmingly cried. “But I shall see more and more of them.”

“They’re not as nice as you!” Mrs. Jordan exclaimed cheerfully. “But I will see more and more of them.”

Ah this was the old story. “But how soon?”

Ah, this was the old story. “But how soon?”

“Why almost any day. Of course,” Mrs. Jordan honestly added, “they’re nearly always out.”

“Why almost any day. Of course,” Mrs. Jordan honestly added, “they’re almost always out.”

“Then why do they want flowers all over?”

“Then why do they want flowers everywhere?”

“Oh that doesn’t make any difference.” Mrs. Jordan was not philosophic; she was just evidently determined it shouldn’t make any. “They’re awfully interested in my ideas, and it’s inevitable they should meet me over them.”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter at all.” Mrs. Jordan wasn’t being philosophical; she was clearly determined it shouldn’t matter. “They’re really interested in my ideas, and it’s only natural they should meet with me about them.”

Her interlocutress was sturdy enough. “What do you call your ideas?”

Her conversation partner was strong enough. “What do you call your ideas?”

Mrs. Jordan’s reply was fine. “If you were to see me some day with a thousand tulips you’d discover.”

Mrs. Jordan’s response was great. “If you ever saw me one day with a thousand tulips, you’d find out.”

“A thousand?”—the girl gaped at such a revelation of the scale of it; she felt for the instant fairly planted out. “Well, but if in fact they never do meet you?” she none the less pessimistically insisted.

“A thousand?”—the girl stared in shock at such a huge number; she felt completely out of her depth. “But what if they never actually meet you?” she insisted, still sounding pessimistic.

“Never? They often do—and evidently quite on purpose. We have grand long talks.”

“Never? They often do—and clearly on purpose. We have really long conversations.”

There was something in our young lady that could still stay her from asking for a personal description of these apparitions; that showed too starved a state. But while she considered she took in afresh the whole of the clergyman’s widow. Mrs. Jordan couldn’t help her teeth, and her sleeves were a distinct rise in the world. A thousand tulips at a shilling clearly took one further than a thousand words at a penny; and the betrothed of Mr. Mudge, in whom the sense of the race for life was always acute, found herself wondering, with a twinge of her easy jealousy, if it mightn’t after all then, for her also, be better—better than where she was—to follow some such scent. Where she was was where Mr. Buckton’s elbow could freely enter her right side and the counter-clerk’s breathing—he had something the matter with his nose—pervade her left ear. It was something to fill an office under Government, and she knew but too well there were places commoner still than Cocker’s; but it needed no great range of taste to bring home to her the picture of servitude and promiscuity she couldn’t but offer to the eye of comparative freedom. She was so boxed up with her young men, and anything like a margin so absent, that it needed more art than she should ever possess to pretend in the least to compass, with any one in the nature of an acquaintance—say with Mrs. Jordan herself, flying in, as it might happen, to wire sympathetically to Mrs. Bubb—an approach to a relation of elegant privacy. She remembered the day when Mrs. Jordan had, in fact, by the greatest chance, come in with fifty-three words for Lord Rye and a five-pound note to change. This had been the dramatic manner of their reunion—their mutual recognition was so great an event. The girl could at first only see her from the waist up, besides making but little of her long telegram to his lordship. It was a strange whirligig that had converted the clergyman’s widow into such a specimen of the class that went beyond the sixpence.

There was something about our young lady that held her back from asking for a personal description of these apparitions; it indicated too desperate a situation. But as she thought it over, she took in the clergyman’s widow all over again. Mrs. Jordan couldn’t help her teeth, and her sleeves were a clear indication of her rising status. A thousand tulips at a shilling clearly got you further than a thousand words at a penny; and Mr. Mudge’s fiancée, who always had a keen sense of the race for life, found herself wondering, with a pang of her easy jealousy, if it might not be better for her—better than where she was—to chase some similar scent. Where she was meant Mr. Buckton’s elbow could easily press into her right side and the counter-clerk’s breathing—he had an issue with his nose—could fill her left ear. It was something to hold a government job, and she knew all too well that there were even less desirable positions than Cocker’s; but it didn’t take a sophisticated taste to remind her of the picture of servitude and mingling she couldn’t help but compare to the image of freedom. She was so trapped with her young men, and any form of personal space was so absent, that it required more skill than she would ever have to pretend to create, even slightly, a sense of refined privacy with anyone like an acquaintance—say with Mrs. Jordan herself if she happened to come in to sympathetically wire Mrs. Bubb—a semblance of elegant privacy. She recalled the day when Mrs. Jordan had, by pure chance, come in with fifty-three words for Lord Rye and a five-pound note for change. This had been the dramatic way of their reunion—their mutual recognition was such a significant event. The girl could initially only see her from the waist up, and she paid little attention to her long telegram to his lordship. It was a strange turn of events that had transformed the clergyman’s widow into such a representative of the class that went beyond the sixpence.

Nothing of the occasion, all the more, had ever become dim; least of all the way that, as her recovered friend looked up from counting, Mrs. Jordan had just blown, in explanation, through her teeth and through the bars of the cage: “I do flowers, you know.” Our young woman had always, with her little finger crooked out, a pretty movement for counting; and she had not forgotten the small secret advantage, a sharpness of triumph it might even have been called, that fell upon her at this moment and avenged her for the incoherence of the message, an unintelligible enumeration of numbers, colours, days, hours. The correspondence of people she didn’t know was one thing; but the correspondence of people she did had an aspect of its own for her even when she couldn’t understand it. The speech in which Mrs. Jordan had defined a position and announced a profession was like a tinkle of bluebells; but for herself her one idea about flowers was that people had them at funerals, and her present sole gleam of light was that lords probably had them most. When she watched, a minute later, through the cage, the swing of her visitor’s departing petticoats, she saw the sight from the waist down; and when the counter-clerk, after a mere male glance, remarked, with an intention unmistakeably low, “Handsome woman!” she had for him the finest of her chills: “She’s the widow of a bishop.” She always felt, with the counter-clerk, that it was impossible sufficiently to put it on; for what she wished to express to him was the maximum of her contempt, and that element in her nature was confusedly stored. “A bishop” was putting it on, but the counter-clerk’s approaches were vile. The night, after this, when, in the fulness of time, Mrs. Jordan mentioned the grand long talks, the girl at last brought out: “Should I see them?—I mean if I were to give up everything for you.”

Nothing about the occasion had ever faded; especially not the way Mrs. Jordan, as her revived friend looked up from counting, blew through her teeth and the bars of the cage to explain: “I do flowers, you know.” Our young woman always had a charming little finger gesture for counting, and she hadn't forgotten the slight edge of triumph that came to her at that moment, making up for the confusing message that was an unintelligible list of numbers, colors, days, and hours. Correspondence from people she didn’t know was one thing, but correspondence from people she did know held a unique significance for her, even when it was beyond her understanding. Mrs. Jordan's explanation of her role and profession was like the sound of bluebells; yet for her, the only thing she associated with flowers was that people had them at funerals, and her current insight was that lords probably had them the most. A minute later, as she watched through the cage the sway of her visitor’s departing skirts, she noticed it from the waist down; and when the counter-clerk, after a brief male glance, commented with a clearly low intention, “Handsome woman!” she returned him her most chilling response: “She’s the widow of a bishop.” She always felt it was impossible to convey her contempt fully to the counter-clerk; what she wanted to express was the utmost disdain, but that part of her personality was vaguely stored. Saying “A bishop” was emphasizing it, but the counter-clerk’s comments were disgusting. Later that night, as Mrs. Jordan talked about the grand long discussions, the girl finally asked, “Should I see them?—I mean if I were to give up everything for you.”

Mrs. Jordan at this became most arch. “I’d send you to all the bachelors!”

Mrs. Jordan became quite cheeky at this. “I’d send you to all the bachelors!”

Our young lady could be reminded by such a remark that she usually struck her friend as pretty. “Do they have their flowers?”

Our young lady might be reminded by such a comment that she often seemed pretty to her friend. “Do they have their flowers?”

“Oceans. And they’re the most particular.” Oh it was a wonderful world. “You should see Lord Rye’s.”

“Oceans. And they’re the most unique.” Oh, it was an amazing world. “You should check out Lord Rye’s.”

“His flowers?”

“His plants?"

“Yes, and his letters. He writes me pages on pages—with the most adorable little drawings and plans. You should see his diagrams!”

“Yes, and his letters. He writes me page after page—with the cutest little drawings and plans. You should see his diagrams!”

CHAPTER VIII.

The girl had in course of time every opportunity to inspect these documents, and they a little disappointed her; but in the mean while there had been more talk, and it had led to her saying, as if her friend’s guarantee of a life of elegance were not quite definite: “Well, I see every one at my place.”

The girl had plenty of chances to look over these documents, and they disappointed her a bit; but in the meantime, there had been more conversations, which led her to say, as if she weren't entirely convinced by her friend's promise of a life of luxury: “Well, I see everyone at my place.”

“Every one?”

"Everyone?"

“Lots of swells. They flock. They live, you know, all round, and the place is filled with all the smart people, all the fast people, those whose names are in the papers—mamma has still The Morning Post—and who come up for the season.”

“Many wealthy people gather here. They come together and live all around, and the place is filled with all the trendy people, all the quick ones, those whose names are in the papers—mom still has The Morning Post—and they come up for the season.”

Mrs. Jordan took this in with complete intelligence. “Yes, and I dare say it’s some of your people that I do.”

Mrs. Jordan understood this perfectly. “Yes, and I bet it’s some of your people that I do.”

Her companion assented, but discriminated. “I doubt if you ‘do’ them as much as I! Their affairs, their appointments and arrangements, their little games and secrets and vices—those things all pass before me.”

Her companion agreed, but with a distinction. “I’m not sure you ‘do’ them as much as I do! Their business, their schedules and plans, their little games and secrets and flaws—those things all come to me.”

This was a picture that could make a clergyman’s widow not imperceptibly gasp; it was in intention moreover something of a retort to the thousand tulips. “Their vices? Have they got vices?”

This was a picture that could make a clergyman’s widow gasp, not without reason; it was also, in a way, a response to the thousand tulips. “Their vices? Do they even have any vices?”

Our young critic even more overtly stared then with a touch of contempt in her amusement: “Haven’t you found that out?” The homes of luxury then hadn’t so much to give. “I find out everything.”

Our young critic stared more openly this time, her amusement tinged with a hint of contempt: “Haven’t you figured that out?” The homes of luxury didn’t have much to offer back then. “I discover everything.”

Mrs. Jordan, at bottom a very meek person, was visibly struck. “I see. You do ‘have’ them.”

Mrs. Jordan, essentially a very timid person, was clearly taken aback. “I get it. You really do ‘have’ them.”

“Oh I don’t care! Much good it does me!”

“Oh, I don’t care! It doesn’t do me any good!”

Mrs. Jordan after an instant recovered her superiority. “No—it doesn’t lead to much.” Her own initiations so clearly did. Still—after all; and she was not jealous: “There must be a charm.”

Mrs. Jordan quickly regained her confidence. “No—it doesn’t lead to much.” Her own experiences definitely did. Still—after all; and she wasn’t jealous: “There must be a charm.”

“In seeing them?” At this the girl suddenly let herself go. “I hate them. There’s that charm!”

“By seeing them?” At this, the girl suddenly lost her composure. “I hate them. There’s that charm!”

Mrs. Jordan gaped again. “The real ‘smarts’?”

Mrs. Jordan gaped again. “The real ‘brains’?”

“Is that what you call Mrs. Bubb? Yes—it comes to me; I’ve had Mrs. Bubb. I don’t think she has been in herself, but there are things her maid has brought. Well, my dear!”—and the young person from Cocker’s, recalling these things and summing them up, seemed suddenly to have much to say. She didn’t say it, however; she checked it; she only brought out: “Her maid, who’s horrid—she must have her!” Then she went on with indifference: “They’re too real! They’re selfish brutes.”

“Is that what you call Mrs. Bubb? Yeah—it just hit me; I’ve had Mrs. Bubb. I don’t think she’s been here herself, but her maid has brought some things. Anyway, my dear!”—and the young woman from Cocker’s, remembering these things and thinking them over, suddenly seemed to have a lot to say. She didn’t say it, though; she held back; she only managed to say: “Her maid, who’s terrible—she has to go!” Then she continued casually: “They’re way too real! They’re selfish jerks.”

Mrs. Jordan, turning it over, adopted at last the plan of treating it with a smile. She wished to be liberal. “Well, of course, they do lay it out.”

Mrs. Jordan, flipping it over, finally decided to handle it with a smile. She wanted to be generous. “Well, of course, they do have it planned out.”

“They bore me to death,” her companion pursued with slightly more temperance.

“They're boring me to death,” her companion continued with a bit more restraint.

But this was going too far. “Ah that’s because you’ve no sympathy!”

But this was going too far. “Oh, that’s because you have no empathy!”

The girl gave an ironic laugh, only retorting that nobody could have any who had to count all day all the words in the dictionary; a contention Mrs. Jordan quite granted, the more that she shuddered at the notion of ever failing of the very gift to which she owed the vogue—the rage she might call it—that had caught her up. Without sympathy—or without imagination, for it came back again to that—how should she get, for big dinners, down the middle and toward the far corners at all? It wasn’t the combinations, which were easily managed: the strain was over the ineffable simplicities, those that the bachelors above all, and Lord Rye perhaps most of any, threw off—just blew off like cigarette-puffs—such sketches of. The betrothed of Mr. Mudge at all events accepted the explanation, which had the effect, as almost any turn of their talk was now apt to have, of bringing her round to the terrific question of that gentleman. She was tormented with the desire to get out of Mrs. Jordan, on this subject, what she was sure was at the back of Mrs. Jordan’s head; and to get it out of her, queerly enough, if only to vent a certain irritation at it. She knew that what her friend would already have risked if she hadn’t been timid and tortuous was: “Give him up—yes, give him up: you’ll see that with your sure chances you’ll be able to do much better.”

The girl let out an ironic laugh, simply replying that no one could have any joy who had to spend all day counting the words in the dictionary. Mrs. Jordan completely agreed, especially since the very thought of losing the gift that had brought her popularity—a trend she might even call a frenzy—made her shudder. Without sympathy—or maybe without imagination, because it came back to that—how could she navigate through big dinners and connect with everyone? It wasn’t the combinations, which were easy enough; the challenge lay in the indescribable simplicities, those that bachelors in particular, and Lord Rye most of all, would dismiss as easily as blowing away cigarette smoke. Anyway, Mr. Mudge’s fiancé accepted the explanation, which, like most of their conversations lately, led her back to the daunting topic of that gentleman. She was tormented by the urge to extract from Mrs. Jordan what she was sure was on her mind regarding this subject; oddly enough, she wanted to elicit it just to vent her irritation. She knew that if her friend weren’t so hesitant and convoluted, she would have likely risked saying, “Just give him up—yes, give him up: you'll see that with your solid prospects, you’ll be able to do much better.”

Our young woman had a sense that if that view could only be put before her with a particular sniff for poor Mr. Mudge she should hate it as much as she morally ought. She was conscious of not, as yet, hating it quite so much as that. But she saw that Mrs. Jordan was conscious of something too, and that there was a degree of confidence she was waiting little by little to arrive at. The day came when the girl caught a glimpse of what was still wanting to make her friend feel strong; which was nothing less than the prospect of being able to announce the climax of sundry private dreams. The associate of the aristocracy had personal calculations—matter for brooding and dreaming, even for peeping out not quite hopelessly from behind the window-curtains of lonely lodgings. If she did the flowers for the bachelors, in short, didn’t she expect that to have consequences very different from such an outlook at Cocker’s as she had pronounced wholly desperate? There seemed in very truth something auspicious in the mixture of bachelors and flowers, though, when looked hard in the eye, Mrs. Jordan was not quite prepared to say she had expected a positive proposal from Lord Rye to pop out of it. Our young woman arrived at last, none the less, at a definite vision of what was in her mind. This was a vivid foreknowledge that the betrothed of Mr. Mudge would, unless conciliated in advance by a successful rescue, almost hate her on the day she should break a particular piece of news. How could that unfortunate otherwise endure to hear of what, under the protection of Lady Ventnor, was after all so possible.

Our young woman felt that if that view could be presented to her with a certain attitude towards poor Mr. Mudge, she would hate it as much as she really should. She was aware that, for now, she didn’t hate it quite that much. But she could see that Mrs. Jordan also sensed something, and she was gradually building up to a level of confidence. Eventually, the girl caught a glimpse of what was missing to help her friend feel strong; it was nothing less than the chance to reveal the peak of several private dreams. The companion of the wealthy had personal thoughts—things to ponder and dream about, even allowing herself to peek out from behind the curtains of her lonely apartment. After all, if she arranged flowers for the bachelors, didn’t she expect that to lead to outcomes far different from the hopeless outlook she’d dismissed at Cocker's? It truly seemed there was something promising in the combination of bachelors and flowers, though, upon closer inspection, Mrs. Jordan wasn’t quite ready to say she had anticipated a solid proposal from Lord Rye to emerge from it. Nevertheless, our young woman ultimately arrived at a clear vision of her thoughts. She had a strong premonition that Mr. Mudge's fiancée would, unless appeased beforehand with a successful rescue, almost detest her on the day she had to share a certain piece of news. How could that unfortunate woman otherwise bear to hear what, with Lady Ventnor's backing, was ultimately so achievable?

CHAPTER IX.

Meanwhile, since irritation sometimes relieved her, the betrothed of Mr. Mudge found herself indebted to that admirer for amounts of it perfectly proportioned to her fidelity. She always walked with him on Sundays, usually in the Regent’s Park, and quite often, once or twice a month he took her, in the Strand or thereabouts, to see a piece that was having a run. The productions he always preferred were the really good ones—Shakespeare, Thompson or some funny American thing; which, as it also happened that she hated vulgar plays, gave him ground for what was almost the fondest of his approaches, the theory that their tastes were, blissfully, just the same. He was for ever reminding her of that, rejoicing over it and being affectionate and wise about it. There were times when she wondered how in the world she could “put up with” him, how she could put up with any man so smugly unconscious of the immensity of her difference. It was just for this difference that, if she was to be liked at all, she wanted to be liked, and if that was not the source of Mr. Mudge’s admiration, she asked herself what on earth could be? She was not different only at one point, she was different all round; unless perhaps indeed in being practically human, which her mind just barely recognised that he also was. She would have made tremendous concessions in other quarters: there was no limit for instance to those she would have made to Captain Everard; but what I have named was the most she was prepared to do for Mr. Mudge. It was because he was different that, in the oddest way, she liked as well as deplored him; which was after all a proof that the disparity, should they frankly recognise it, wouldn’t necessarily be fatal. She felt that, oleaginous—too oleaginous—as he was, he was somehow comparatively primitive: she had once, during the portion of his time at Cocker’s that had overlapped her own, seen him collar a drunken soldier, a big violent man who, having come in with a mate to get a postal-order cashed, had made a grab at the money before his friend could reach it and had so determined, among the hams and cheeses and the lodgers from Thrupp’s, immediate and alarming reprisals, a scene of scandal and consternation. Mr. Buckton and the counter-clerk had crouched within the cage, but Mr. Mudge had, with a very quiet but very quick step round the counter, an air of masterful authority she shouldn’t soon forget, triumphantly interposed in the scrimmage, parted the combatants and shaken the delinquent in his skin. She had been proud of him at that moment, and had felt that if their affair had not already been settled the neatness of his execution would have left her without resistance.

Meanwhile, since irritation sometimes relieved her, Mr. Mudge's fiancée found herself indebted to that admirer for amounts of it perfectly matched to her loyalty. She always walked with him on Sundays, usually in Regent’s Park, and quite often, once or twice a month, he took her, in the Strand or nearby, to see a show that was popular at the time. The productions he preferred were the really good ones—Shakespeare, Thompson, or some funny American play; which, since she also happened to hate vulgar shows, gave him grounds for what was almost the fondest of his approaches, the idea that their tastes were, blissfully, identical. He constantly reminded her of that, delighting in it and acting affectionate and wise about it. There were times when she wondered how on earth she could “put up with” him, how she could tolerate any man so smugly unaware of how different she was. It was just because of this difference that, if she was to be liked at all, she wanted to be liked, and if that wasn’t the source of Mr. Mudge’s admiration, she asked herself what on earth it could be? She was not different only in one way; she was different all around; unless perhaps, indeed, in being practically human, which her mind barely acknowledged that he was as well. She would have made tremendous concessions in other areas: there was no limit, for example, to those she would have made for Captain Everard; but what I've mentioned was the most she was willing to do for Mr. Mudge. It was because he was different that, in the oddest way, she both liked and deplored him; which was, after all, proof that the disparity, if they were to acknowledge it honestly, wouldn’t necessarily be fatal. She felt that, greasy—too greasy—as he was, he was somehow comparatively primitive: she had once, during the part of his time at Cocker’s that overlapped with hers, seen him tackle a drunken soldier, a big, aggressive man who, having come in with a friend to get a postal order cashed, made a grab for the money before his friend could reach it and had caused, among the hams and cheeses and the lodgers from Thrupp’s, immediate and alarming chaos, a scene of scandal and distress. Mr. Buckton and the counter clerk had crouched inside the cage, but Mr. Mudge had, with a very quiet but very quick step around the counter, an air of authoritative control she wouldn’t soon forget, triumphantly intervened in the scuffle, separated the fighters, and shaken the culprit in his place. She had been proud of him at that moment, and had felt that if their relationship hadn’t already been set, the neatness of his handling would have left her without any resistance.

Their affair had been settled by other things: by the evident sincerity of his passion and by the sense that his high white apron resembled a front of many floors. It had gone a great way with her that he would build up a business to his chin, which he carried quite in the air. This could only be a question of time; he would have all Piccadilly in the pen behind his ear. That was a merit in itself for a girl who had known what she had known. There were hours at which she even found him good-looking, though, frankly there could be no crown for her effort to imagine on the part of the tailor or the barber some such treatment of his appearance as would make him resemble even remotely a man of the world. His very beauty was the beauty of a grocer, and the finest future would offer it none too much room consistently to develop. She had engaged herself in short to the perfection of a type, and almost anything square and smooth and whole had its weight for a person still conscious herself of being a mere bruised fragment of wreckage. But it contributed hugely at present to carry on the two parallel lines of her experience in the cage and her experience out of it. After keeping quiet for some time about this opposition she suddenly—one Sunday afternoon on a penny chair in the Regent’s Park—broke, for him, capriciously, bewilderingly, into an intimation of what it came to. He had naturally pressed more and more on the point of her again placing herself where he could see her hourly, and for her to recognise that she had as yet given him no sane reason for delay he had small need to describe himself as unable to make out what she was up to. As if, with her absurd bad reasons, she could have begun to tell him! Sometimes she thought it would be amusing to let him have them full in the face, for she felt she should die of him unless she once in a while stupefied him; and sometimes she thought it would be disgusting and perhaps even fatal. She liked him, however, to think her silly, for that gave her the margin which at the best she would always require; and the only difficulty about this was that he hadn’t enough imagination to oblige her. It produced none the less something of the desired effect—to leave him simply wondering why, over the matter of their reunion, she didn’t yield to his arguments. Then at last, simply as if by accident and out of mere boredom on a day that was rather flat, she preposterously produced her own. “Well, wait a bit. Where I am I still see things.” And she talked to him even worse, if possible, than she had talked to Jordan.

Their relationship had been defined by other factors: by the clear sincerity of his feelings and by the way his crisp white apron looked like a multi-story building. It meant a lot to her that he was building up a business to the point where he was prideful about it. It was only a matter of time; he would conquer all of Piccadilly. That alone was a big deal for a girl who had been through what she had. There were moments when she even found him attractive, though, to be honest, she couldn’t imagine any tailor or barber dressing him in a way that might make him look even remotely like a sophisticated man. His own charm was more like that of a grocer, and the best future wouldn’t give it much space to truly shine. She had basically committed herself to a certain type of ideal, and anything that was solid and unblemished had its appeal to someone who still felt like a broken piece of debris. But for now, it significantly helped her manage her dual experiences—being trapped and being free. After keeping quiet about this conflict for a while, she suddenly—one Sunday afternoon sitting on a cheap chair in Regent’s Park—broke the silence and bewilderingly hinted at her feelings. Naturally, he had been increasingly pushing her to make herself available to him daily, and she didn’t need to explain that she hadn’t provided him with any valid reason to hesitate. As if she could start to explain with her ridiculous excuses! Sometimes she thought it would be fun to throw them at him directly, as she felt like she would suffocate around him unless she occasionally shocked him; other times, she thought it might be off-putting and even dangerous. She did enjoy him thinking she was naïve, as it gave her the breathing room she always needed; the only issue was that he didn’t have enough imagination to go along with it. Still, it did have the effect she wanted—to leave him puzzled about why she wouldn’t just agree to meet him again. Then finally, as if it was just a random moment of boredom on a rather dull day, she absurdly shared her own reasons. “Well, wait a minute. From where I am, I can still see things.” And she spoke to him even worse, if that was possible, than she had spoken to Jordan.

Little by little, to her own stupefaction, she caught that he was trying to take it as she meant it and that he was neither astonished nor angry. Oh the British tradesman—this gave her an idea of his resources! Mr. Mudge would be angry only with a person who, like the drunken soldier in the shop, should have an unfavourable effect on business. He seemed positively to enter, for the time and without the faintest flash of irony or ripple of laughter, into the whimsical grounds of her enjoyment of Cocker’s custom, and instantly to be casting up whatever it might, as Mrs. Jordan had said, lead to. What he had in mind was not of course what Mrs. Jordan had had: it was obviously not a source of speculation with him that his sweetheart might pick up a husband. She could see perfectly that this was not for a moment even what he supposed she herself dreamed of. What she had done was simply to give his sensibility another push into the dim vast of trade. In that direction it was all alert, and she had whisked before it the mild fragrance of a “connexion.” That was the most he could see in any account of her keeping in, on whatever roundabout lines, with the gentry; and when, getting to the bottom of this, she quickly proceeded to show him the kind of eye she turned on such people and to give him a sketch of what that eye discovered, she reduced him to the particular prostration in which he could still be amusing to her.

Little by little, to her surprise, she realized that he was trying to take it as she intended and that he was neither shocked nor angry. Oh, the British tradesman—this gave her a glimpse of his capabilities! Mr. Mudge would only be upset with someone who, like the drunken soldier in the shop, could negatively impact business. He seemed to genuinely engage, at that moment and without any hint of irony or laughter, with the quirky aspects of her enjoyment of Cocker’s custom, and was instantly calculating whatever it might, as Mrs. Jordan had said, lead to. What he had in mind was obviously different from what Mrs. Jordan had thought: clearly, it wasn’t even a consideration for him that his girlfriend might attract a husband. She could clearly see that he didn’t even think for a second that she herself might be dreaming of that. What she had done was simply to nudge his sensitivity further into the murky world of trade. In that direction, he was fully alert, and she had teased before it the faint scent of a “connexion.” That was the most he could perceive in any connection she maintained, however indirectly, with the gentry; and when she quickly went on to show him the kind of perspective she had on such people and to give him a sense of what that perspective revealed, she brought him to a particular state of submission where he could still be entertaining to her.

CHAPTER X.

“They’re the most awful wretches, I assure you—the lot all about there.”

“They’re the most terrible people, I promise you—the whole group over there.”

“Then why do you want to stay among them?”

“Then why do you want to stay with them?”

“My dear man, just because they are. It makes me hate them so.”

“My dear man, just because they are. It makes me hate them so.”

“Hate them? I thought you liked them.”

“Hate them? I thought you liked them.”

“Don’t be stupid. What I ‘like’ is just to loathe them. You wouldn’t believe what passes before my eyes.”

“Don’t be foolish. What I ‘like’ is actually to hate them. You wouldn’t believe what I see.”

“Then why have you never told me? You didn’t mention anything before I left.”

“Then why have you never told me? You didn’t say anything before I left.”

“Oh I hadn’t got round to it then. It’s the sort of thing you don’t believe at first; you have to look round you a bit and then you understand. You work into it more and more. Besides,” the girl went on, “this is the time of the year when the worst lot come up. They’re simply packed together in those smart streets. Talk of the numbers of the poor! What I can vouch for is the numbers of the rich! There are new ones every day, and they seem to get richer and richer. Oh, they do come up!” she cried, imitating for her private recreation—she was sure it wouldn’t reach Mr. Mudge—the low intonation of the counter-clerk.

“Oh, I hadn’t gotten around to it then. It’s one of those things you don’t believe at first; you have to look around a bit and then you understand. You get into it more and more. Besides,” the girl continued, “this is the time of year when the worst crowd shows up. They’re just packed together in those fancy streets. Talk about the number of the poor! What I can confirm is the number of the rich! There are new ones every day, and they seem to get richer and richer. Oh, they really do show up!” she exclaimed, mimicking for her own amusement—she was sure it wouldn’t reach Mr. Mudge—the low tone of the counter-clerk.

“And where do they come from?” her companion candidly enquired.

“And where do they come from?” her companion asked straightforwardly.

She had to think a moment; then she found something. “From the ‘spring meetings.’ They bet tremendously.”

She had to think for a moment; then she discovered something. “From the ‘spring meetings.’ They gamble a lot.”

“Well, they bet enough at Chalk Farm, if that’s all.”

“Well, they gamble enough at Chalk Farm, if that’s all.”

“It isn’t all. It isn’t a millionth part!” she replied with some sharpness. “It’s immense fun”—she would tantalise him. Then as she had heard Mrs. Jordan say, and as the ladies at Cocker’s even sometimes wired, “It’s quite too dreadful!” She could fully feel how it was Mr. Mudge’s propriety, which was extreme—he had a horror of coarseness and attended a Wesleyan chapel—that prevented his asking for details. But she gave him some of the more innocuous in spite of himself, especially putting before him how, at Simpkin’s and Ladle’s, they all made the money fly. That was indeed what he liked to hear: the connexion was not direct, but one was somehow more in the right place where the money was flying than where it was simply and meagrely nesting. The air felt that stir, he had to acknowledge, much less at Chalk Farm than in the district in which his beloved so oddly enjoyed her footing. She gave him, she could see, a restless sense that these might be familiarities not to be sacrificed; germs, possibilities, faint foreshowings—heaven knew what—of the initiation it would prove profitable to have arrived at when in the fulness of time he should have his own shop in some such paradise. What really touched him—that was discernible—was that she could feed him with so much mere vividness of reminder, keep before him, as by the play of a fan, the very wind of the swift bank-notes and the charm of the existence of a class that Providence had raised up to be the blessing of grocers. He liked to think that the class was there, that it was always there, and that she contributed in her slight but appreciable degree to keep it up to the mark. He couldn’t have formulated his theory of the matter, but the exuberance of the aristocracy was the advantage of trade, and everything was knit together in a richness of pattern that it was good to follow with one’s finger-tips. It was a comfort to him to be thus assured that there were no symptoms of a drop. What did the sounder, as she called it, nimbly worked, do but keep the ball going?

“It isn’t everything. It isn’t even a tiny fraction!” she replied a bit sharply. “It’s so much fun”—she liked to tease him. Then, mimicking Mrs. Jordan and what the ladies at Cocker’s sometimes said, “It’s just too awful!” She could clearly sense that Mr. Mudge’s extreme propriety—a result of his fear of anything coarse and his attendance at a Wesleyan chapel—made him hesitant to ask for details. But she shared some of the more harmless stories despite his discomfort, particularly highlighting how they all threw money around at Simpkin’s and Ladle’s. That was exactly what he enjoyed hearing: the connection wasn’t direct, but being in a place where money was being spent felt much better than being in a place where it was merely sitting around. He had to admit, the energy felt much less at Chalk Farm than in the area where his beloved oddly felt at home. She gave him the uneasy sense that these could be connections worth holding onto; hints, possibilities, vague hints—who knew what—of the opportunities it would be beneficial to have when, eventually, he had his own shop in some kind of paradise. What truly moved him—this was clear—was that she could provide him with such vivid reminders, keeping alive in front of him, like the flick of a fan, the very rush of swift banknotes and the allure of a social class that fate had created to benefit grocers. He liked the thought that this class existed, that it was always there, and that her small but noticeable contributions helped maintain its standards. He couldn’t articulate his theory, but the flourishing upper class was beneficial for trade, and everything was woven together in a rich pattern that was satisfying to trace with his fingertips. It comforted him to know there were no signs of a decline. What did the sounder, as she called it, nimbly do but keep the ball rolling?

What it came to therefore for Mr. Mudge was that all enjoyments were, as might be said, inter-related, and that the more people had the more they wanted to have. The more flirtations, as he might roughly express it, the more cheese and pickles. He had even in his own small way been dimly struck with the linkèd sweetness connecting the tender passion with cheap champagne, or perhaps the other way round. What he would have liked to say had he been able to work out his thought to the end was: “I see, I see. Lash them up then, lead them on, keep them going: some of it can’t help, some time, coming our way.” Yet he was troubled by the suspicion of subtleties on his companion’s part that spoiled the straight view. He couldn’t understand people’s hating what they liked or liking what they hated; above all it hurt him somewhere—for he had his private delicacies—to see anything but money made out of his betters. To be too enquiring, or in any other way too free, at the expense of the gentry was vaguely wrong; the only thing that was distinctly right was to be prosperous at any price. Wasn’t it just because they were up there aloft that they were lucrative? He concluded at any rate by saying to his young friend: “If it’s improper for you to remain at Cocker’s, then that falls in exactly with the other reasons I’ve put before you for your removal.”

What it came down to for Mr. Mudge was that all pleasures were, as you might say, connected, and that the more people had, the more they wanted. The more flirtations, as he might crudely put it, the more cheese and pickles. He had even, in his own small way, been vaguely struck by the sweet connection between tender passion and cheap champagne, or maybe the other way around. What he would have liked to say if he could have fully articulated his thoughts was: “I see, I see. Tie them together, lead them on, keep them going: some of it has to eventually come our way.” Yet he was bothered by the suspicion of his companion’s complexities that muddled the straightforward view. He couldn’t grasp why people would hate what they liked or like what they hated; above all, it pained him somewhat—since he had his own sensitivities—to see anything but money made from his superiors. To be too curious, or in any other way too forward, at the expense of the gentry felt vaguely wrong; the only thing that was clearly right was to be successful at any cost. Wasn’t it precisely because they were up there that they were profitable? He concluded by saying to his young friend: “If it’s inappropriate for you to stay at Cocker’s, then that lines up perfectly with the other reasons I’ve given you for your departure.”

“Improper?”—her smile became a prolonged boldness. “My dear boy, there’s no one like you!”

“Improper?”—her smile turned into a confident grin. “My dear boy, there’s no one like you!”

“I dare say,” he laughed; “but that doesn’t help the question.”

“I'll say,” he laughed; “but that doesn’t help the question.”

“Well,” she returned, “I can’t give up my friends. I’m making even more than Mrs. Jordan.”

“Well,” she said, “I can’t give up my friends. I’m making even more than Mrs. Jordan.”

Mr. Mudge considered. “How much is she making?”

Mr. Mudge thought for a moment. “How much is she earning?”

“Oh you dear donkey!”—and, regardless of all the Regent’s Park, she patted his cheek. This was the sort of moment at which she was absolutely tempted to tell him that she liked to be near Park Chambers. There was a fascination in the idea of seeing if, on a mention of Captain Everard, he wouldn’t do what she thought he might; wouldn’t weigh against the obvious objection the still more obvious advantage. The advantage of course could only strike him at the best as rather fantastic; but it was always to the good to keep hold when you had hold, and such an attitude would also after all involve a high tribute to her fidelity. Of one thing she absolutely never doubted: Mr. Mudge believed in her with a belief—! She believed in herself too, for that matter: if there was a thing in the world no one could charge her with it was being the kind of low barmaid person who rinsed tumblers and bandied slang. But she forbore as yet to speak; she had not spoken even to Mrs. Jordan; and the hush that on her lips surrounded the Captain’s name maintained itself as a kind of symbol of the success that, up to this time, had attended something or other—she couldn’t have said what—that she humoured herself with calling, without words, her relation with him.

“Oh, you sweet donkey!”—and, ignoring all of Regent’s Park, she patted his cheek. This was the kind of moment when she really felt tempted to tell him that she enjoyed being near Park Chambers. There was something fascinating about the thought of seeing if, when she mentioned Captain Everard, he wouldn’t act in a way she suspected he might; he wouldn’t consider the obvious downside against the even more obvious upside. The upside, of course, would only seem rather unrealistic to him; but it was always good to hold on when you had a grip, and that stance would also serve as a significant acknowledgment of her loyalty. One thing she never doubted: Mr. Mudge believed in her wholeheartedly! She believed in herself as well: there was nothing in the world anyone could accuse her of being except the kind of lowly barmaid who rinsed glasses and exchanged slang. But she held back from speaking for now; she hadn’t even talked to Mrs. Jordan; and the silence surrounding the Captain’s name on her lips remained a symbol of the success that, up until this moment, had accompanied something or other—she couldn’t quite put her finger on it—that she playfully referred to, without words, as her relationship with him.

CHAPTER XI.

She would have admitted indeed that it consisted of little more than the fact that his absences, however frequent and however long, always ended with his turning up again. It was nobody’s business in the world but her own if that fact continued to be enough for her. It was of course not enough just in itself; what it had taken on to make it so was the extraordinary possession of the elements of his life that memory and attention had at last given her. There came a day when this possession on the girl’s part actually seemed to enjoy between them, while their eyes met, a tacit recognition that was half a joke and half a deep solemnity. He bade her good morning always now; he often quite raised his hat to her. He passed a remark when there was time or room, and once she went so far as to say to him that she hadn’t seen him for “ages.” “Ages” was the word she consciously and carefully, though a trifle tremulously used; “ages” was exactly what she meant. To this he replied in terms doubtless less anxiously selected, but perhaps on that account not the less remarkable, “Oh yes, hasn’t it been awfully wet?” That was a specimen of their give and take; it fed her fancy that no form of intercourse so transcendent and distilled had ever been established on earth. Everything, so far as they chose to consider it so, might mean almost anything. The want of margin in the cage, when he peeped through the bars, wholly ceased to be appreciable. It was a drawback only in superficial commerce. With Captain Everard she had simply the margin of the universe. It may be imagined therefore how their unuttered reference to all she knew about him could in this immensity play at its ease. Every time he handed in a telegram it was an addition to her knowledge: what did his constant smile mean to mark if it didn’t mean to mark that? He never came into the place without saying to her in this manner: “Oh yes, you have me by this time so completely at your mercy that it doesn’t in the least matter what I give you now. You’ve become a comfort, I assure you!”

She would have to admit that it was really just the fact that his absences, no matter how frequent or how long, always ended with him showing up again. It was nobody’s business but her own if that fact was still enough for her. Obviously, it wasn’t enough by itself; what made it so was the incredible depth of his life that memory and attention had finally given her. There came a day when this bond between them actually seemed to enjoy a silent acknowledgment that was part joke and part serious. He always greeted her with a “good morning” now; he even often tipped his hat to her. He would make small talk when there was time, and once she boldly told him that she hadn’t seen him for “ages.” “Ages” was the word she thoughtfully and carefully, though a little nervously, chose; “ages” was exactly what she meant. He responded, likely with less careful wording but still striking, “Oh yes, hasn’t it been really wet?” That was an example of their back-and-forth; it made her think that no kind of interaction so pure and elevated had ever existed before. Everything, as far as they wanted it to be, could mean just about anything. The lack of space in the cage, when he looked through the bars, became completely unnoticeable. It was only an issue in shallow exchanges. With Captain Everard, she had the entire universe’s margin. It’s easy to imagine how their unspoken understanding of everything she knew about him could thrive in that vastness. Every time he delivered a telegram, it added to her understanding: what did his constant smile signify if not that? He never entered the place without telling her in this way: “Oh yes, you have me completely at your mercy by now, so it doesn’t matter at all what I give you now. You’ve become a comfort to me, I assure you!”

She had only two torments; the greatest of which was that she couldn’t, not even once or twice, touch with him on some individual fact. She would have given anything to have been able to allude to one of his friends by name, to one of his engagements by date, to one of his difficulties by the solution. She would have given almost as much for just the right chance—it would have to be tremendously right—to show him in some sharp sweet way that she had perfectly penetrated the greatest of these last and now lived with it in a kind of heroism of sympathy. He was in love with a woman to whom, and to any view of whom, a lady-telegraphist, and especially one who passed a life among hams and cheeses, was as the sand on the floor; and what her dreams desired was the possibility of its somehow coming to him that her own interest in him could take a pure and noble account of such an infatuation and even of such an impropriety. As yet, however, she could only rub along with the hope that an accident, sooner or later, might give her a lift toward popping out with something that would surprise and perhaps even, some fine day, assist him. What could people mean moreover—cheaply sarcastic people—by not feeling all that could be got out of the weather? She felt it all, and seemed literally to feel it most when she went quite wrong, speaking of the stuffy days as cold, of the cold ones as stuffy, and betraying how little she knew, in her cage, of whether it was foul or fair. It was for that matter always stuffy at Cocker’s, and she finally settled down to the safe proposition that the outside element was “changeable.” Anything seemed true that made him so radiantly assent.

She had only two struggles; the biggest was that she couldn’t, not even once or twice, connect with him on any specific topic. She would have given anything to be able to mention one of his friends by name, refer to one of his plans by date, or talk about one of his problems with a solution. She would have almost given as much for just the right opportunity—it would have to be incredibly perfect—to show him in some sharp, sweet way that she completely understood the most significant of those issues and now dealt with it in a kind of sympathetic heroism. He was in love with a woman who, to anyone's view, a lady telegraph operator, especially one who lived among hams and cheeses, was as insignificant as sand on the floor; and what she dreamed of was the chance for him to realize that her interest in him could take a pure and noble view of such a crush and even such an impropriety. However, for now, she could only cling to the hope that an accident, sooner or later, might give her the opportunity to surprise him and maybe even, one fine day, help him out. What did people mean, anyway—cheaply sarcastic people—by not appreciating all that could come from the weather? She felt everything, and seemed to feel it most when she got it completely wrong, describing stuffy days as cold and cold days as stuffy, revealing how little she knew, in her confinement, about whether it was bad or good. It was always stuffy at Cocker’s, and she finally settled on the safe idea that the outside conditions were “changeable.” Anything seemed true if it made him agree with such radiant enthusiasm.

This indeed is a small specimen of her cultivation of insidious ways of making things easy for him—ways to which of course she couldn’t be at all sure he did real justice. Real justice was not of this world: she had had too often to come back to that; yet, strangely, happiness was, and her traps had to be set for it in a manner to keep them unperceived by Mr. Buckton and the counter-clerk. The most she could hope for apart from the question, which constantly flickered up and died down, of the divine chance of his consciously liking her, would be that, without analysing it, he should arrive at a vague sense that Cocker’s was—well, attractive; easier, smoother, sociably brighter, slightly more picturesque, in short more propitious in general to his little affairs, than any other establishment just thereabouts. She was quite aware that they couldn’t be, in so huddled a hole, particularly quick; but she found her account in the slowness—she certainly could bear it if he could. The great pang was that just thereabouts post-offices were so awfully thick. She was always seeing him in imagination in other places and with other girls. But she would defy any other girl to follow him as she followed. And though they weren’t, for so many reasons, quick at Cocker’s, she could hurry for him when, through an intimation light as air, she gathered that he was pressed.

This is really just a small example of how she skillfully made things easier for him—ways that, of course, she couldn’t be sure he truly appreciated. True appreciation didn’t exist in this world; she had reminded herself of that too many times. Yet, oddly enough, happiness did exist, and she had to set her traps for it in a way that kept them unnoticed by Mr. Buckton and the counter-clerk. The most she could hope for, aside from the question that kept flickering up and then fading, about the divine chance of him actually liking her, was that, without analyzing it, he would get a vague sense that Cocker’s was—well, appealing; easier, smoother, friendlier, slightly more charming, in short, more favorable in general for his little affairs than any other place nearby. She knew they couldn’t be particularly fast in such a cramped spot, but she found an advantage in the slowness—she could definitely handle it if he could. The real heartache was that there were so many post offices nearby. She was always picturing him in other places and with other girls. But she would challenge any other girl to follow him as closely as she did. And even though they weren’t, for so many reasons, quick at Cocker’s, she could rush for him when, through a hint as light as a feather, she sensed that he was in a hurry.

When hurry was, better still, impossible, it was because of the pleasantest thing of all, the particular element of their contact—she would have called it their friendship—that consisted of an almost humorous treatment of the look of some of his words. They would never perhaps have grown half so intimate if he had not, by the blessing of heaven, formed some of his letters with a queerness—! It was positive that the queerness could scarce have been greater if he had practised it for the very purpose of bringing their heads together over it as far as was possible to heads on different sides of a wire fence. It had taken her truly but once or twice to master these tricks, but, at the cost of striking him perhaps as stupid, she could still challenge them when circumstances favoured. The great circumstance that favoured was that she sometimes actually believed he knew she only feigned perplexity. If he knew it therefore he tolerated it; if he tolerated it he came back; and if he came back he liked her. This was her seventh heaven; and she didn’t ask much of his liking—she only asked of it to reach the point of his not going away because of her own. He had at times to be away for weeks; he had to lead his life; he had to travel—there were places to which he was constantly wiring for “rooms”: all this she granted him, forgave him; in fact, in the long run, literally blessed and thanked him for. If he had to lead his life, that precisely fostered his leading it so much by telegraph: therefore the benediction was to come in when he could. That was all she asked—that he shouldn’t wholly deprive her.

When being in a rush was, better yet, impossible, it was because of the most enjoyable thing of all, the unique aspect of their connection—she would have called it their friendship—that involved an almost funny way of interpreting some of his words. They might not have become nearly as close if he hadn’t, by some stroke of luck, crafted some of his letters in such a quirky way—! It was certain that the quirkiness couldn’t have been more pronounced if he had practiced it specifically to bring their heads together over it as much as possible from different sides of a wire fence. It had taken her only once or twice to figure out these quirks, but, at the risk of seeming a bit slow, she could still challenge them when the situation allowed. The big situation that allowed was that she sometimes genuinely thought he knew she was only pretending to be confused. If he knew this, then he accepted it; if he accepted it, he came back; and if he came back, it meant he liked her. This was her seventh heaven; and she didn’t ask much of his affection—she just wished it meant he wouldn’t leave because of her own. He had to be away for weeks sometimes; he had to live his life; he had to travel—there were places he was always wiring for “rooms”: she accepted all of this from him, forgave him; in fact, ultimately, she literally blessed and thanked him for it. If he had to live his life, that only encouraged him to do so more through telegraph: therefore, the blessing was for when he could. That was all she wanted—that he wouldn’t completely deprive her.

Sometimes she almost felt that he couldn’t have deprived her even had he been minded, by reason of the web of revelation that was woven between them. She quite thrilled herself with thinking what, with such a lot of material, a bad girl would do. It would be a scene better than many in her ha’penny novels, this going to him in the dusk of evening at Park Chambers and letting him at last have it. “I know too much about a certain person now not to put it to you—excuse my being so lurid—that it’s quite worth your while to buy me off. Come, therefore; buy me!” There was a point indeed at which such flights had to drop again—the point of an unreadiness to name, when it came to that, the purchasing medium. It wouldn’t certainly be anything so gross as money, and the matter accordingly remained rather vague, all the more that she was not a bad girl. It wasn’t for any such reason as might have aggravated a mere minx that she often hoped he would again bring Cissy. The difficulty of this, however, was constantly present to her, for the kind of communion to which Cocker’s so richly ministered rested on the fact that Cissy and he were so often in different places. She knew by this time all the places—Suchbury, Monkhouse, Whiteroy, Finches—and even how the parties on these occasions were composed; but her subtlety found ways to make her knowledge fairly protect and promote their keeping, as she had heard Mrs. Jordan say, in touch. So, when he actually sometimes smiled as if he really felt the awkwardness of giving her again one of the same old addresses, all her being went out in the desire—which her face must have expressed—that he should recognise her forbearance to criticise as one of the finest tenderest sacrifices a woman had ever made for love.

Sometimes she almost felt that he couldn't have kept anything from her even if he wanted to, because of the connection they shared. She excited herself thinking about what a bad girl would do with all this information. It would create a scene better than many in her cheap novels, going to him in the evening at Park Chambers and finally confronting him. “I know too much about a certain person now not to ask you—sorry for being so dramatic—that it’s definitely worth your while to buy me off. So come on; buy me!” There was a point where such bold talks had to stop—the moment when it came to naming the payment. It certainly wouldn’t be anything so crude as money, leaving things pretty vague, especially since she wasn’t a bad girl. It wasn’t for any reason that might have motivated a mere flirt that she often hoped he would bring Cissy again. However, she was constantly aware of the difficulty in this, because the type of connection that Cocker’s provided relied on the fact that Cissy and he were often in different places. By this time, she knew all the locations—Suchbury, Monkhouse, Whiteroy, Finches—and even how the groups were made up on these occasions; but her cleverness found ways to ensure her knowledge kept things intact and, as she had heard Mrs. Jordan say, connected. So, when he sometimes smiled as if he truly felt the awkwardness of giving her one of the same old addresses, all her feelings surged in the hope—which her face must have shown—that he would recognize her choice to refrain from criticizing as one of the finest, most tender sacrifices a woman ever made for love.

CHAPTER XII.

She was occasionally worried, however this might be, by the impression that these sacrifices, great as they were, were nothing to those that his own passion had imposed; if indeed it was not rather the passion of his confederate, which had caught him up and was whirling him round like a great steam-wheel. He was at any rate in the strong grip of a dizzy splendid fate; the wild wind of his life blew him straight before it. Didn’t she catch in his face at times, even through his smile and his happy habit, the gleam of that pale glare with which a bewildered victim appeals, as he passes, to some pair of pitying eyes? He perhaps didn’t even himself know how scared he was; but she knew. They were in danger, they were in danger, Captain Everard and Lady Bradeen: it beat every novel in the shop. She thought of Mr. Mudge and his safe sentiment; she thought of herself and blushed even more for her tepid response to it. It was a comfort to her at such moments to feel that in another relation—a relation supplying that affinity with her nature that Mr. Mudge, deluded creature, would never supply—she should have been no more tepid than her ladyship. Her deepest soundings were on two or three occasions of finding herself almost sure that, if she dared, her ladyship’s lover would have gathered relief from “speaking” to her. She literally fancied once or twice that, projected as he was toward his doom, her own eyes struck him, while the air roared in his ears, as the one pitying pair in the crowd. But how could he speak to her while she sat sandwiched there between the counter-clerk and the sounder?

She was sometimes worried, no matter how it might be, by the feeling that these sacrifices, as significant as they were, didn’t compare to the ones his own passion had imposed; if it wasn’t more about the passion of his accomplice, which had swept him up and was spinning him around like a massive steamwheel. He was definitely caught in the strong grip of an exhilarating fate; the wild winds of his life pushed him straight ahead. Didn’t she catch, at times, even through his smile and cheerful demeanor, a hint of that pale glare with which a confused victim appeals to some pair of sympathetic eyes? He probably didn’t even realize how scared he was; but she knew. They were in danger, Captain Everard and Lady Bradeen: it was more thrilling than any novel in the store. She thought about Mr. Mudge and his safe sentiments; she thought about herself and felt even more embarrassed for her lukewarm response to it. It was comforting to her in those moments to feel that in another kind of relationship—a relationship that would provide the connection with her nature that Mr. Mudge, poor deluded man, never could—she wouldn’t have been any less passionate than her ladyship. On a few occasions, she felt almost certain that, if she dared, her ladyship’s lover would have found relief from “speaking” to her. She genuinely imagined once or twice that, as he was headed toward his doom, her own eyes struck him, amidst the chaos, as the one set of sympathetic eyes in the crowd. But how could he talk to her while she sat squished between the counter-clerk and the sounder?

She had long ago, in her comings and goings made acquaintance with Park Chambers and reflected as she looked up at their luxurious front that they, of course, would supply the ideal setting for the ideal speech. There was not an object in London that, before the season was over, was more stamped upon her brain. She went roundabout to pass it, for it was not on the short way; she passed on the opposite side of the street and always looked up, though it had taken her a long time to be sure of the particular set of windows. She had made that out finally by an act of audacity that at the time had almost stopped her heart-beats and that in retrospect greatly quickened her blushes. One evening she had lingered late and watched—watched for some moment when the porter, who was in uniform and often on the steps, had gone in with a visitor. Then she followed boldly, on the calculation that he would have taken the visitor up and that the hall would be free. The hall was free, and the electric light played over the gilded and lettered board that showed the names and numbers of the occupants of the different floors. What she wanted looked straight at her—Captain Everard was on the third. It was as if, in the immense intimacy of this, they were, for the instant and the first time, face to face outside the cage. Alas! they were face to face but a second or two: she was whirled out on the wings of a panic fear that he might just then be entering or issuing. This fear was indeed, in her shameless deflexions, never very far from her, and was mixed in the oddest way with depressions and disappointments. It was dreadful, as she trembled by, to run the risk of looking to him as if she basely hung about; and yet it was dreadful to be obliged to pass only at such moments as put an encounter out of the question.

She had long ago gotten familiar with Park Chambers through her comings and goings and thought, as she looked up at their fancy front, that they would obviously be the perfect place for the perfect speech. There wasn't a single thing in London that would stick in her mind more before the season was over. She took the long way around to avoid it, as it wasn’t on the direct path; she crossed the street and always looked up, even though it took her a while to be sure about the exact set of windows. She had figured that out eventually through an act of bravery that had made her heart stop at the time and made her blush in hindsight. One evening, she lingered late and watched—watched for a moment when the porter, who was in uniform and often on the steps, went inside with a visitor. Then she boldly followed, thinking the porter would have taken the visitor upstairs and that the hall would be empty. The hall was empty, and the electric light shone on the gilded and lettered board that displayed the names and numbers of the residents on different floors. What she wanted to see was right in front of her—Captain Everard was on the third floor. It was as if, in this immense intimacy, they were, for a brief second and for the first time, face to face outside of their typical environment. Unfortunately, they were only face to face for a moment or two: she was swept away by a wave of panic that he might just then be coming in or going out. This fear was, in her shameless stumbles, always present, mixed in the strangest way with feelings of sadness and disappointment. It was terrible, as she trembled by, to risk appearing as if she was lingering around; yet it was also terrible to have to pass by only at moments that made an encounter impossible.

At the horrible hour of her first coming to Cocker’s he was always—it was to be hoped—snug in bed; and at the hour of her final departure he was of course—she had such things all on her fingers’-ends—dressing for dinner. We may let it pass that if she couldn’t bring herself to hover till he was dressed, this was simply because such a process for such a person could only be terribly prolonged. When she went in the middle of the day to her own dinner she had too little time to do anything but go straight, though it must be added that for a real certainty she would joyously have omitted the repast. She had made up her mind as to there being on the whole no decent pretext to justify her flitting casually past at three o’clock in the morning. That was the hour at which, if the ha’penny novels were not all wrong, he probably came home for the night. She was therefore reduced to the vainest figuration of the miraculous meeting toward which a hundred impossibilities would have to conspire. But if nothing was more impossible than the fact, nothing was more intense than the vision. What may not, we can only moralise, take place in the quickened muffled perception of a young person with an ardent soul? All our humble friend’s native distinction, her refinement of personal grain, of heredity, of pride, took refuge in this small throbbing spot; for when she was most conscious of the objection of her vanity and the pitifulness of her little flutters and manoeuvres, then the consolation and the redemption were most sure to glow before her in some just discernible sign. He did like her!

At the terrible hour when she first arrived at Cocker’s, he was always—hopefully—snug in bed; and by the time she left, he was of course—she had it all figured out—getting ready for dinner. We can overlook the fact that she didn’t stay to watch him get dressed simply because it would take forever for someone like him. When she went home for her own dinner in the middle of the day, she had barely enough time to get there directly, although she would have happily skipped the meal for sure. She had come to terms with there being no real excuse for casually strolling by at three o’clock in the morning. That was the time when—if the cheap novels weren’t completely off—he probably returned home for the night. So, she was left with the most unlikely fantasy of a miraculous encounter that required a hundred impossible things to align. But if nothing was more unlikely than the actual situation, nothing was more powerful than the imagined vision. What could happen, we can only speculate, in the heightened and muted awareness of a passionate young person? All our humble friend’s natural elegance, her refined background, heritage, and pride, took shelter in this small, beating hope; because when she felt most aware of her vanity and the ridiculousness of her little maneuvers, that’s when the comfort and redemption would shine before her in some tangible way. He really did like her!

CHAPTER XIII.

He never brought Cissy back, but Cissy came one day without him, as fresh as before from the hands of Marguerite, or only, at the season’s end, a trifle less fresh. She was, however, distinctly less serene. She had brought nothing with her and looked about with impatience for the forms and the place to write. The latter convenience, at Cocker’s, was obscure and barely adequate, and her clear voice had the light note of disgust which her lover’s never showed as she responded with a “There?” of surprise to the gesture made by the counter-clerk in answer to her sharp question. Our young friend was busy with half a dozen people, but she had dispatched them in her most businesslike manner by the time her ladyship flung through the bars this light of re-appearance. Then the directness with which the girl managed to receive the accompanying missive was the result of the concentration that had caused her to make the stamps fly during the few minutes occupied by the production of it. This concentration, in turn, may be described as the effect of the apprehension of imminent relief. It was nineteen days, counted and checked off, since she had seen the object of her homage; and as, had he been in London, she should, with his habits, have been sure to see him often, she was now about to learn what other spot his presence might just then happen to sanctify. For she thought of them, the other spots, as ecstatically conscious of it, expressively happy in it.

He never brought Cissy back, but one day Cissy showed up without him, looking just as fresh as before from Marguerite's care, or maybe just a little less fresh at the end of the season. However, she seemed much less calm. She hadn’t brought anything with her and was impatiently scanning for a place and the tools to write. The setup at Cocker’s was unclear and barely sufficient, and her clear voice carried a note of disgust that her lover never displayed as she responded with a surprised “There?” to the counter-clerk's gesture in response to her sharp question. Our young friend was busy with several people, but she had dealt with them efficiently by the time her ladyship flung through the bars, bringing the light of her return. The way the girl received the accompanying message directly was due to the focus that had her making the stamps fly during the few minutes it took to produce. This focus could be described as the result of her anticipation of imminent relief. It had been nineteen days, counted and checked off, since she had seen the object of her admiration; and since, had he been in London, she would likely have seen him often, she was now about to discover what other places his presence might currently be gracing. She envisioned those other places as ecstatically aware of him, happily embracing his presence.

But, gracious, how handsome was her ladyship, and what an added price it gave him that the air of intimacy he threw out should have flowed originally from such a source! The girl looked straight through the cage at the eyes and lips that must so often have been so near as own—looked at them with a strange passion that for an instant had the result of filling out some of the gaps, supplying the missing answers, in his correspondence. Then as she made out that the features she thus scanned and associated were totally unaware of it, that they glowed only with the colour of quite other and not at all guessable thoughts, this directly added to their splendour, gave the girl the sharpest impression she had yet received of the uplifted, the unattainable plains of heaven, and yet at the same time caused her to thrill with a sense of the high company she did somehow keep. She was with the absent through her ladyship and with her ladyship through the absent. The only pang—but it didn’t matter—was the proof in the admirable face, in the sightless preoccupation of its possessor, that the latter hadn’t a notion of her. Her folly had gone to the point of half believing that the other party to the affair must sometimes mention in Eaton Square the extraordinary little person at the place from which he so often wired. Yet the perception of her visitor’s blankness actually helped this extraordinary little person, the next instant, to take refuge in a reflexion that could be as proud as it liked. “How little she knows, how little she knows!” the girl cried to herself; for what did that show after all but that Captain Everard’s telegraphic confidant was Captain Everard’s charming secret? Our young friend’s perusal of her ladyship’s telegram was literally prolonged by a momentary daze: what swam between her and the words, making her see them as through rippled shallow sunshot water, was the great, the perpetual flood of “How much I know—how much I know!” This produced a delay in her catching that, on the face, these words didn’t give her what she wanted, though she was prompt enough with her remembrance that her grasp was, half the time, just of what was not on the face. “Miss Dolman, Parade Lodge, Parade Terrace, Dover. Let him instantly know right one, Hôtel de France, Ostend. Make it seven nine four nine six one. Wire me alternative Burfield’s.”

But wow, how beautiful was her ladyship, and how much more valuable it made him feel that the easy connection he shared originally came from such a source! The girl gazed straight through the barrier at the eyes and lips that must have been so often close to her own—she looked at them with a strange passion that for a moment filled in some gaps, providing the missing answers in his messages. But when she realized that the features she was studying were completely oblivious to her, that they radiated only the hue of completely different and unpredictable thoughts, it only enhanced their beauty, giving her the clearest sense yet of the elevated, unreachable realms of heaven, while at the same time sending a thrill through her as she felt a connection to such high company. She was with the absent through her ladyship and with her ladyship through the absent. The only sting—but it didn’t really matter—was the evidence in the admirable face, in its owner’s oblivious concentration, that the latter had no idea who she was. Her foolishness had even led her to half-believe that the other party in the situation must sometimes mention the extraordinary little person from where he often wired. Yet the realization of her visitor’s blankness actually helped this extraordinary little person, in the next moment, to take solace in a thought that could be as proud as it wanted. “How little she knows, how little she knows!” the girl exclaimed to herself; for what did that reveal after all but that Captain Everard’s telegraphic confidant was Captain Everard’s charming secret? Our young friend’s reading of her ladyship’s telegram was literally stretched by a momentary confusion: what swam between her and the words, making her see them as if through rippled shallow sunlit water, was the overwhelming, constant rush of “How much I know—how much I know!” This caused a delay in her realizing that, on the surface, these words didn’t give her what she wanted, although she was quick to remember that her understanding was often just what was not on the surface. “Miss Dolman, Parade Lodge, Parade Terrace, Dover. Let him instantly know the correct one, Hôtel de France, Ostend. Make it seven nine four nine six one. Wire me alternative Burfield’s.”

The girl slowly counted. Then he was at Ostend. This hooked on with so sharp a click that, not to feel she was as quickly letting it all slip from her, she had absolutely to hold it a minute longer and to do something to that end. Thus it was that she did on this occasion what she never did—threw off a “Reply paid?” that sounded officious, but that she partly made up for by deliberately affixing the stamps and by waiting till she had done so to give change. She had, for so much coolness, the strength that she considered she knew all about Miss Dolman.

The girl counted slowly. Then he arrived in Ostend. This clicked into place so sharply that, to prevent herself from quickly letting it all go, she absolutely had to hold on for another moment and do something to make that happen. So, on this occasion, she did what she normally wouldn’t—she asked, “Is this a reply paid?” It sounded a bit formal, but she partly made up for it by carefully sticking on the stamps and waiting until she finished to give change. For all her composure, she felt confident that she knew everything about Miss Dolman.

“Yes—paid.” She saw all sorts of things in this reply, even to a small suppressed start of surprise at so correct an assumption; even to an attempt the next minute at a fresh air of detachment. “How much, with the answer?” The calculation was not abstruse, but our intense observer required a moment more to make it, and this gave her ladyship time for a second thought. “Oh just wait!” The white begemmed hand bared to write rose in sudden nervousness to the side of the wonderful face which, with eyes of anxiety for the paper on the counter, she brought closer to the bars of the cage. “I think I must alter a word!” On this she recovered her telegram and looked over it again; but she had a new, an obvious trouble, and studied it without deciding and with much of the effect of making our young woman watch her.

“Yes—paid.” She picked up on a lot from that response, even feeling a slight, suppressed surprise at such a spot-on assumption; even trying the next moment to act more detached. “How much, with the answer?” The math wasn’t complicated, but our keen observer needed an extra moment to work it out, giving her ladyship a chance for a second thought. “Oh just wait!” The white, gem-studded hand that was about to write suddenly shot up nervously to the side of her stunning face, which she leaned closer to the bars of the cage, her eyes anxious about the paper on the counter. “I think I should change a word!” With that, she grabbed her telegram and reviewed it again; but she had a new, easily noticeable concern, and she analyzed it without making a decision, drawing our young woman’s attention to her.

This personage, meanwhile, at the sight of her expression, had decided on the spot. If she had always been sure they were in danger her ladyship’s expression was the best possible sign of it. There was a word wrong, but she had lost the right one, and much clearly depended on her finding it again. The girl, therefore, sufficiently estimating the affluence of customers and the distraction of Mr. Buckton and the counter-clerk, took the jump and gave it. “Isn’t it Cooper’s?”

This character, meanwhile, upon seeing her expression, made a decision right then and there. If she had always suspected they were in danger, her ladyship’s expression was the clearest indication of it. There was a word missing, but she couldn't recall the right one, and a lot clearly depended on her finding it again. The girl, therefore, judging the number of customers and the distraction of Mr. Buckton and the counter-clerk, took the leap and said, “Isn’t it Cooper’s?”

It was as if she had bodily leaped—cleared the top of the cage and alighted on her interlocutress. “Cooper’s?”—the stare was heightened by a blush. Yes, she had made Juno blush.

It was like she had physically jumped— vaulted over the top of the cage and landed on her conversation partner. “Cooper’s?”—the gaze was intensified by a blush. Yes, she had made Juno blush.

This was all the greater reason for going on. “I mean instead of Burfield’s.”

This was an even better reason to continue. “I mean instead of Burfield’s.”

Our young friend fairly pitied her; she had made her in an instant so helpless, and yet not a bit haughty nor outraged. She was only mystified and scared. “Oh, you know—?”

Our young friend sincerely felt sorry for her; she had made her feel so helpless in an instant, yet she was neither arrogant nor outraged. She was just confused and frightened. “Oh, you know—?”

“Yes, I know!” Our young friend smiled, meeting the other’s eyes, and, having made Juno blush, proceeded to patronise her. “I’ll do it”—she put out a competent hand. Her ladyship only submitted, confused and bewildered, all presence of mind quite gone; and the next moment the telegram was in the cage again and its author out of the shop. Then quickly, boldly, under all the eyes that might have witnessed her tampering, the extraordinary little person at Cocker’s made the proper change. People were really too giddy, and if they were, in a certain case, to be caught, it shouldn’t be the fault of her own grand memory. Hadn’t it been settled weeks before?—for Miss Dolman it was always to be “Cooper’s.”

“Yes, I get it!” Our young friend smiled, locking eyes with the other, and after making Juno blush, she started to act superior. “I’ll handle it”—she extended a capable hand. Her ladyship just complied, confused and flustered, completely at a loss; and in the next moment, the telegram was back in the cage and its creator was out of the shop. Then quickly, confidently, under all the eyes that could have seen her messing around, the unusual little person at Cocker’s made the correct change. People were truly too dizzy, and if they were ever caught in a particular situation, it wouldn’t be because of her amazing memory. Hadn’t it been decided weeks ago?—for Miss Dolman, it was always to be “Cooper’s.”

CHAPTER XIV.

But the summer “holidays” brought a marked difference; they were holidays for almost every one but the animals in the cage. The August days were flat and dry, and, with so little to feed it, she was conscious of the ebb of her interest in the secrets of the refined. She was in a position to follow the refined to the extent of knowing—they had made so many of their arrangements with her aid—exactly where they were; yet she felt quite as if the panorama had ceased unrolling and the band stopped playing. A stray member of the latter occasionally turned up, but the communications that passed before her bore now largely on rooms at hotels, prices of furnished houses, hours of trains, dates of sailings and arrangements for being “met”; she found them for the most part prosaic and coarse. The only thing was that they brought into her stuffy corner as straight a whiff of Alpine meadows and Scotch moors as she might hope ever to inhale; there were moreover in especial fat hot dull ladies who had out with her, to exasperation, the terms for seaside lodgings, which struck her as huge, and the matter of the number of beds required, which was not less portentous: this in reference to places of which the names—Eastbourne, Folkestone, Cromer, Scarborough, Whitby—tormented her with something of the sound of the plash of water that haunts the traveller in the desert. She had not been out of London for a dozen years, and the only thing to give a taste to the present dead weeks was the spice of a chronic resentment. The sparse customers, the people she did see, were the people who were “just off”—off on the decks of fluttered yachts, off to the uttermost point of rocky headlands where the very breeze was then playing for the want of which she said to herself that she sickened.

But the summer "vacation" brought a noticeable change; it was a break for almost everyone except the animals in the cage. The August days were dull and dry, and with so little to eat, she felt her interest in the finer things fading. She had the opportunity to keep up with the refined lifestyle to the extent of knowing—since they had made so many plans with her help—exactly where they were; yet it felt like the show had stopped and the music had died down. Occasionally, a stray member of the band would show up, but the conversations happening in front of her mostly revolved around hotel rooms, rental prices for furnished houses, train schedules, sailing dates, and plans for being "picked up"; she found those discussions mostly mundane and unrefined. The only thing was that they brought a bit of the fresh scent of Alpine meadows and Scottish moors into her stuffy corner; in particular, there were some heavy, hot, dull ladies who annoyingly went over the terms for seaside accommodations with her, which seemed enormous, and the issue of how many beds were needed, which felt just as overwhelming: this was regarding places with names—Eastbourne, Folkestone, Cromer, Scarborough, Whitby—that tormented her with a sound reminiscent of water splashing that haunts travelers in the desert. She hadn't left London in over a decade, and the only thing that added some flavor to the current boring weeks was a lingering resentment. The few customers she did see were those who were "just leaving"—off on the decks of fluttering yachts, off to the very ends of rocky shorelines where the breeze, which she told herself she was yearning for, was finally blowing.

There was accordingly a sense in which, at such a period, the great differences of the human condition could press upon her more than ever; a circumstance drawing fresh force in truth from the very fact of the chance that at last, for a change, did squarely meet her—the chance to be “off,” for a bit, almost as far as anybody. They took their turns in the cage as they took them both in the shop and at Chalk Farm; she had known these two months that time was to be allowed in September—no less than eleven days—for her personal private holiday. Much of her recent intercourse with Mr. Mudge had consisted of the hopes and fears, expressed mainly by himself, involved in the question of their getting the same dates—a question that, in proportion as the delight seemed assured, spread into a sea of speculation over the choice of where and how. All through July, on the Sunday evenings and at such other odd times as he could seize, he had flooded their talk with wild waves of calculation. It was practically settled that, with her mother, somewhere “on the south coast” (a phrase of which she liked the sound) they should put in their allowance together; but she already felt the prospect quite weary and worn with the way he went round and round on it. It had become his sole topic, the theme alike of his most solemn prudences and most placid jests, to which every opening led for return and revision and in which every little flower of a foretaste was pulled up as soon as planted. He had announced at the earliest day—characterising the whole business, from that moment, as their “plans,” under which name he handled it as a Syndicate handles a Chinese or other Loan—he had promptly declared that the question must be thoroughly studied, and he produced, on the whole subject, from day to day, an amount of information that excited her wonder and even, not a little, as she frankly let him know, her disdain. When she thought of the danger in which another pair of lovers rapturously lived she enquired of him anew why he could leave nothing to chance. Then she got for answer that this profundity was just his pride, and he pitted Ramsgate against Bournemouth and even Boulogne against Jersey—for he had great ideas—with all the mastery of detail that was some day, professionally, to carry him afar.

There was a way in which, during this time, the significant differences in people's lives affected her more than ever; this was fueled by the opportunity that finally, for a change, presented itself to her—the chance to take a break, almost as far away as anyone else. They took turns in the cage just like they took turns in the shop and at Chalk Farm; she had known for two months that she would be given time off in September—no less than eleven days—for her own personal holiday. Much of her recent conversations with Mr. Mudge had revolved around the hopes and fears, mostly expressed by him, related to their getting the same dates—a question that, as the joy seemed guaranteed, turned into a sea of speculation about where and how to go. Throughout July, on Sunday evenings and whenever he could manage, he bombarded their conversations with his wild calculations. It was mostly agreed that, with her mom, they would spend their time “on the south coast” (a phrase she liked the sound of) together; but she was already feeling exhausted by the prospect because of how he kept going round and round about it. It had become his only topic, the theme of his most serious concerns and his most laid-back jokes, leading him back and forth to it and making him uproot every little hint of an idea as soon as it was suggested. He had declared early on—labeling everything as their “plans,” much like a Syndicate handles a Chinese or other loan—that the matter needed thorough examination, and day by day, he presented her with so much information on the topic that it amazed her and, honestly, as she openly told him, even annoyed her a bit. When she thought about how other couples were blissfully in love, she asked him again why he couldn’t leave anything to chance. His response was that this depth of thought was simply his pride, and he compared Ramsgate to Bournemouth and even Boulogne to Jersey—because he had grand ideas—with all the attention to detail that would one day, professionally, take him far.

The longer the time since she had seen Captain Everard the more she was booked, as she called it, to pass Park Chambers; and this was the sole amusement that in the lingering August days and the twilights sadly drawn out it was left her to cultivate. She had long since learned to know it for a feeble one, though its feebleness was perhaps scarce the reason for her saying to herself each evening as her time for departure approached: “No, no—not to-night.” She never failed of that silent remark, any more than she failed of feeling, in some deeper place than she had even yet fully sounded, that one’s remarks were as weak as straws and that, however one might indulge in them at eight o’clock, one’s fate infallibly declared itself in absolute indifference to them at about eight-fifteen. Remarks were remarks, and very well for that; but fate was fate, and this young lady’s was to pass Park Chambers every night in the working week. Out of the immensity of her knowledge of the life of the world there bloomed on these occasions as specific remembrance that it was regarded in that region, in August and September, as rather pleasant just to be caught for something or other in passing through town. Somebody was always passing and somebody might catch somebody else. It was in full cognisance of this subtle law that she adhered to the most ridiculous circuit she could have made to get home. One warm dull featureless Friday, when an accident had made her start from Cocker’s a little later than usual, she became aware that something of which the infinite possibilities had for so long peopled her dreams was at last prodigiously upon her, though the perfection in which the conditions happened to present it was almost rich enough to be but the positive creation of a dream. She saw, straight before her, like a vista painted in a picture, the empty street and the lamps that burned pale in the dusk not yet established. It was into the convenience of this quiet twilight that a gentleman on the doorstep of the Chambers gazed with a vagueness that our young lady’s little figure violently trembled, in the approach, with the measure of its power to dissipate. Everything indeed grew in a flash terrific and distinct; her old uncertainties fell away from her, and, since she was so familiar with fate, she felt as if the very nail that fixed it were driven in by the hard look with which, for a moment, Captain Everard awaited her.

The longer it had been since she last saw Captain Everard, the more she felt compelled, as she put it, to pass Park Chambers; and this was the only pastime left for her to enjoy during the drawn-out August days and the long twilights. She had long recognized it was a weak distraction, though perhaps that wasn't the reason she told herself each evening, as her departure time approached: “No, not tonight.” She always made that silent remark, just as she felt, in a deeper part of herself that she hadn't fully explored, that such remarks were as flimsy as straws and that, no matter how much one might indulge in them at eight o’clock, fate inevitably asserted itself, indifferent to those remarks, around eight-fifteen. Remarks were just remarks, and that was fine; but fate was fate, and this young lady's fate was to pass Park Chambers every night during the workweek. From the vastness of her worldly knowledge, she vaguely remembered that, in that area during August and September, it was considered quite pleasant to be unexpectedly caught up in something while passing through town. Someone was always passing, and someone might catch someone else. Fully aware of this subtle reality, she took the longest, most ridiculous route home. One warm, dull Friday, when an incident had delayed her departure from Cocker’s, she realized that something, which had filled her dreams with infinite possibilities, was finally about to happen, though the way the situation unfolded felt almost too perfect, as if it were just a product of her imagination. She saw straight ahead, like a scene painted in a picture, the empty street and the dim lamps flickering in the dusk that hadn’t fully settled yet. It was into this peaceful twilight that a gentleman standing on the doorstep of the Chambers looked with a vague expression, while the sight of her small figure made his anticipation tremble with intensity. Everything suddenly grew clear and overwhelming; her previous uncertainties fell away, and because she was so familiar with fate, she felt as though the very nail fastening it had been driven in by the intense look with which Captain Everard waited for her.

The vestibule was open behind him and the porter as absent as on the day she had peeped in; he had just come out—was in town, in a tweed suit and a pot hat, but between two journeys—duly bored over his evening and at a loss what to do with it. Then it was that she was glad she had never met him in that way before: she reaped with such ecstasy the benefit of his not being able to think she passed often. She jumped in two seconds to the determination that he should even suppose it to be the very first time and the very oddest chance: this was while she still wondered if he would identify or notice her. His original attention had not, she instinctively knew, been for the young woman at Cocker’s; it had only been for any young woman who might advance to the tune of her not troubling the quiet air, and in fact the poetic hour, with ugliness. Ah but then, and just as she had reached the door, came his second observation, a long light reach with which, visibly and quite amusedly, he recalled and placed her. They were on different sides, but the street, narrow and still, had only made more of a stage for the small momentary drama. It was not over, besides, it was far from over, even on his sending across the way, with the pleasantest laugh she had ever heard, a little lift of his hat and an “Oh good evening!” It was still less over on their meeting, the next minute, though rather indirectly and awkwardly, in the middle, of the road—a situation to which three or four steps of her own had unmistakeably contributed—and then passing not again to the side on which she had arrived, but back toward the portal of Park Chambers.

The vestibule was wide open behind him and the doorman was just as absent as on the day she had peeked in. He had just come out, dressed in a tweed suit and a bowler hat, but was between errands, visibly bored with his evening and unsure what to do with it. At that moment, she was glad she had never met him that way before; she felt such joy in the fact that he couldn't think she came by often. In just two seconds, she decided he should even believe it was the very first time they had encountered and the strangest coincidence. This was while she still wondered if he would recognize or notice her. She instinctively knew his initial interest hadn't been in the young woman at Cocker’s; it had only been for any young woman who might come along without disturbing the calm atmosphere and, indeed, the poetic moment with any unpleasantness. But then, just as she reached the door, he made his second observation, extending his arm in a wide, light gesture that clearly amused him as he recognized and placed her. They were on opposite sides, but the narrow, quiet street had only highlighted their brief encounter. It wasn't over yet; far from it, especially when he called out to her with the sweetest laugh she had ever heard, tipped his hat, and said, “Oh, good evening!” It was even less over when they ran into each other the next minute, albeit a bit indirectly and awkwardly, in the middle of the street—a situation to which she had unmistakably contributed with her own three or four steps—before walking not back to the side she had come from, but toward the entrance of Park Chambers.

“I didn’t know you at first. Are you taking a walk?”

“I didn’t recognize you at first. Are you going for a walk?”

“Ah I don’t take walks at night! I’m going home after my work.”

“Ugh, I don’t go for walks at night! I’m heading home after work.”

“Oh!”

“Oh!”

That was practically what they had meanwhile smiled out, and his exclamation to which for a minute he appeared to have nothing to add, left them face to face and in just such an attitude as, for his part, he might have worn had he been wondering if he could properly ask her to come in. During this interval in fact she really felt his question to be just “How properly—?” It was simply a question of the degree of properness.

That was basically what they had just smiled about, and his exclamation, to which he seemed to have nothing more to say for a moment, left them facing each other in a way that made him wonder if he could really invite her in. During this time, she actually sensed his question as just “How properly—?” It was simply a matter of how appropriate it was.

CHAPTER XV.

She never knew afterwards quite what she had done to settle it, and at the time she only knew that they presently moved, with vagueness, yet with continuity, away from the picture of the lighted vestibule and the quiet stairs and well up the street together. This also must have been in the absence of a definite permission, of anything vulgarly articulate, for that matter, on the part of either; and it was to be, later on, a thing of remembrance and reflexion for her that the limit of what just here for a longish minute passed between them was his taking in her thoroughly successful deprecation, though conveyed without pride or sound or touch, of the idea that she might be, out of the cage, the very shop-girl at large that she hugged the theory she wasn’t. Yes, it was strange, she afterwards thought, that so much could have come and gone and yet not disfigured the dear little intense crisis either with impertinence or with resentment, with any of the horrid notes of that kind of acquaintance. He had taken no liberty, as she would have so called it; and, through not having to betray the sense of one, she herself had, still more charmingly, taken none. On the spot, nevertheless, she could speculate as to what it meant that, if his relation with Lady Bradeen continued to be what her mind had built it up to, he should feel free to proceed with marked independence. This was one of the questions he was to leave her to deal with—the question whether people of his sort still asked girls up to their rooms when they were so awfully in love with other women. Could people of his sort do that without what people of her sort would call being “false to their love”? She had already a vision of how the true answer was that people of her sort didn’t, in such cases, matter—didn’t count as infidelity, counted only as something else: she might have been curious, since it came to that, to see exactly what.

She never quite figured out what she had done to make it happen, and at the time, all she knew was that they moved away from the image of the lit vestibule and the quiet stairs and up the street together. It also must have been without any clear permission or anything outright obvious from either of them; and later, she would remember and reflect on how the brief moment between them was marked by his completely accepting her subtle refusal, even though it was expressed without pride, sound, or touch, of the idea that, now free from the constraints of her job, she might just be the very shop girl she claimed she wasn’t. Yes, she thought later, it was strange that so much could happen without tarnishing that sweet, intense moment with disrespect or bitterness, or any of the unpleasant aspects of that kind of acquaintance. He hadn’t overstepped any bounds, as she would have called it; and since she didn’t have to confront any sense of that, she also, in a more charming way, didn’t cross any lines. Still, at that moment, she couldn't help but wonder what it meant that if his relationship with Lady Bradeen was what she imagined it to be, he felt free to act with such independence. This was one of the questions he left for her to ponder—the question of whether people like him still invited girls to their rooms when they were deeply in love with other women. Could people like him do that without what someone like her would call being “false to their love”? She already had a sense that the true answer was that people like her didn’t matter in such cases—didn’t count as infidelity, only as something else: she would have been curious to see exactly what that was.

Strolling together slowly in their summer twilight and their empty corner of Mayfair, they found themselves emerge at last opposite to one of the smaller gates of the Park; upon which, without any particular word about it—they were talking so of other things—they crossed the street and went in and sat down on a bench. She had gathered by this time one magnificent hope about him—the hope he would say nothing vulgar. She knew thoroughly what she meant by that; she meant something quite apart from any matter of his being “false.” Their bench was not far within; it was near the Park Lane paling and the patchy lamplight and the rumbling cabs and ‘buses. A strange emotion had come to her, and she felt indeed excitement within excitement; above all a conscious joy in testing him with chances he didn’t take. She had an intense desire he should know the type she really conformed to without her doing anything so low as tell him, and he had surely begun to know it from the moment he didn’t seize the opportunities into which a common man would promptly have blundered. These were on the mere awkward surface, and their relation was beautiful behind and below them. She had questioned so little on the way what they might be doing that as soon as they were seated she took straight hold of it. Her hours, her confinement, the many conditions of service in the post-office, had—with a glance at his own postal resources and alternatives—formed, up to this stage, the subject of their talk. “Well, here we are, and it may be right enough; but this isn’t the least, you know, where I was going.”

Strolling together slowly in the summer twilight of their quiet corner in Mayfair, they eventually found themselves in front of one of the smaller gates to the Park. Without saying anything in particular about it—they were discussing other topics—they crossed the street, went in, and sat down on a bench. By this time, she had developed one great hope about him—the hope that he wouldn’t say anything vulgar. She fully understood what she meant by that; it was something distinct from any idea of him being “false.” Their bench was not far in; it was close to the Park Lane fence with its uneven lamplight and the rumbling of cabs and buses. A strange emotion washed over her, and she felt excitement layered with excitement; above all, there was a conscious joy in testing him with chances he didn’t take. She desperately wanted him to understand the type of person she actually aligned with, without having to stoop to telling him, and he surely began to grasp it the moment he didn’t jump at the opportunities that a typical man would have seized without a second thought. These chances were on the mere awkward surface, and their relationship was beautiful beneath and beyond that. She had thought so little about what they might be doing on the way that as soon as they were seated, she took hold of it directly. Her hours, her limitations, the various conditions of working in the post office—along with a glance at his own postal resources and options—had formed the topic of their conversation up to that point. “Well, here we are, and it may be just fine; but this isn’t at all where I was actually headed.”

“You were going home?”

“Are you going home?”

“Yes, and I was already rather late. I was going to my supper.”

“Yes, and I was already pretty late. I was heading to my dinner.”

“You haven’t had it?”

"You haven't tried it?"

“No indeed!”

"Absolutely not!"

“Then you haven’t eaten—?”

"Then you haven't eaten?"

He looked of a sudden so extravagantly concerned that she laughed out. “All day? Yes, we do feed once. But that was long ago. So I must presently say good-bye.”

He suddenly looked so incredibly worried that she burst out laughing. “All day? Yes, we do eat once. But that was a while ago. So I have to say goodbye now.”

“Oh deary me!” he exclaimed with an intonation so droll and yet a touch so light and a distress so marked—a confession of helplessness for such a case, in short, so unrelieved—that she at once felt sure she had made the great difference plain. He looked at her with the kindest eyes and still without saying what she had known he wouldn’t. She had known he wouldn’t say “Then sup with me!” but the proof of it made her feel as if she had feasted.

“Oh dear me!” he exclaimed with a humorous tone that was both light and filled with noticeable distress—a clear sign of his helplessness in this situation, so completely unmasked—that she immediately felt she had made the big difference clear. He gazed at her with the kindest eyes, still not saying what she had known he wouldn't. She had known he wouldn’t say “Then have dinner with me!” but his silence made her feel as if she had indulged in a grand feast.

“I’m not a bit hungry,” she went on.

“I’m not hungry at all,” she continued.

“Ah you must be, awfully!” he made answer, but settling himself on the bench as if, after all, that needn’t interfere with his spending his evening. “I’ve always quite wanted the chance to thank you for the trouble you so often take for me.”

“Ah you must be, really!” he replied, but sat down on the bench as if that wouldn’t prevent him from enjoying his evening. “I’ve always wanted to take the chance to thank you for the trouble you often go through for me.”

“Yes, I know,” she replied; uttering the words with a sense of the situation far deeper than any pretence of not fitting his allusion. She immediately felt him surprised and even a little puzzled at her frank assent; but for herself the trouble she had taken could only, in these fleeting minutes—they would probably never come back—be all there like a little hoard of gold in her lap. Certainly he might look at it, handle it, take up the pieces. Yet if he understood anything he must understand all. “I consider you’ve already immensely thanked me.” The horror was back upon her of having seemed to hang about for some reward. “It’s awfully odd you should have been there just the one time—!”

“Yes, I know,” she replied, expressing a deeper understanding of the situation than any pretense of missing his hint. She immediately sensed his surprise and a bit of confusion at her honest agreement; but for her, the effort she had put in could only, in these brief moments—they’d probably never happen again—be all there like a little stash of gold in her lap. Sure, he could look at it, touch it, pick up the pieces. Yet if he understood anything, he must grasp everything. “I think you’ve already thanked me a lot.” The dread returned to her of having seemed to linger for some reward. “It’s really strange that you were there just that one time—!”

“The one time you’ve passed my place?”

“The one time you came by my place?”

“Yes; you can fancy I haven’t many minutes to waste. There was a place to-night I had to stop at.”

“Yeah; you can imagine I don’t have many minutes to spare. There was a place I needed to stop at tonight.”

“I see, I see—” he knew already so much about her work. “It must be an awful grind—for a lady.”

“I see, I see—” he already knew a lot about her work. “It must be such a tough grind—for a woman.”

“It is, but I don’t think I groan over it any more than my companions—and you’ve seen they’re not ladies!” She mildly jested, but with an intention. “One gets used to things, and there are employments I should have hated much more.” She had the finest conception of the beauty of not at least boring him. To whine, to count up her wrongs, was what a barmaid or a shop-girl would do, and it was quite enough to sit there like one of these.

“It is, but I don’t think I complain about it any more than my friends—and you’ve seen they’re not exactly ladies!” She joked lightly, but with purpose. “You get used to things, and there are jobs I would have disliked way more.” She had a great understanding of the importance of not boring him. Whining and listing her grievances was something a barmaid or shop girl would do, and it was more than enough to just sit there like one of them.

“If you had had another employment,” he remarked after a moment, “we might never have become acquainted.”

“If you had another job,” he said after a moment, “we might never have met.”

“It’s highly probable—and certainly not in the same way.” Then, still with her heap of gold in her lap and something of the pride of it in her manner of holding her head, she continued not to move—she only smiled at him. The evening had thickened now; the scattered lamps were red; the Park, all before them, was full of obscure and ambiguous life; there were other couples on other benches whom it was impossible not to see, yet at whom it was impossible to look. “But I’ve walked so much out of my way with you only just to show you that—that”—with this she paused; it was not after all so easy to express—“that anything you may have thought is perfectly true.”

“It’s very likely—and definitely not the same way.” Then, still with her pile of gold in her lap and a bit of pride in how she held her head, she kept still—she just smiled at him. The evening had grown darker; the scattered lights were red; the Park, stretching out in front of them, was full of unclear and mixed feelings; there were other couples on other benches that were impossible to ignore, yet hard to look at. “But I’ve gone out of my way to walk with you just to show you—that—that”—she paused, as it wasn't easy to say—“that whatever you might have thought is completely true.”

“Oh I’ve thought a tremendous lot!” her companion laughed. “Do you mind my smoking?”

“Oh, I’ve thought a lot about it!” her friend laughed. “Do you mind if I smoke?”

“Why should I? You always smoke there.”

“Why should I? You always smoke there.”

“At your place? Oh yes, but here it’s different.”

“At your place? Oh yeah, but here it’s different.”

“No,” she said as he lighted a cigarette, “that’s just what it isn’t. It’s quite the same.”

“No,” she said as he lit a cigarette, “that’s exactly what it isn’t. It’s just the same.”

“Well, then, that’s because ‘there’ it’s so wonderful!”

“Well, that’s because it’s so wonderful there!”

“Then you’re conscious of how wonderful it is?” she returned.

“Then you’re aware of how amazing it is?” she replied.

He jerked his handsome head in literal protest at a doubt. “Why that’s exactly what I mean by my gratitude for all your trouble. It has been just as if you took a particular interest.” She only looked at him by way of answer in such sudden headlong embarrassment, as she was quite aware, that while she remained silent he showed himself checked by her expression. “You have—haven’t you?—taken a particular interest?”

He shook his handsome head in disbelief at a doubt. “That’s exactly what I mean when I say I’m grateful for all your help. It’s been like you’re genuinely interested.” She just looked at him in response, suddenly embarrassed, knowing that while she stayed silent, his expression revealed he was unsettled by hers. “You have—haven’t you?—been genuinely interested?”

“Oh a particular interest!” she quavered out, feeling the whole thing—her headlong embarrassment—get terribly the better of her, and wishing, with a sudden scare, all the more to keep her emotion down. She maintained her fixed smile a moment and turned her eyes over the peopled darkness, unconfused now, because there was something much more confusing. This, with a fatal great rush, was simply the fact that they were thus together. They were near, near, and all she had imagined of that had only become more true, more dreadful and overwhelming. She stared straight away in silence till she felt she looked an idiot; then, to say something, to say nothing, she attempted a sound which ended in a flood of tears.

“Oh, what an interesting situation!” she stammered, feeling her overwhelming embarrassment take over, and suddenly scared, she wished even more to keep her emotions in check. She held her fixed smile for a moment and scanned the crowded darkness, now clear because there was something much more confusing. The sudden reality was that they were together. They were close, so close, and everything she had imagined about it became more intense, more terrifying and overwhelming. She stared blankly in silence until she felt foolish; then, to say something, or maybe nothing, she tried to make a sound that turned into a flood of tears.

CHAPTER XVI.

Her tears helped her really to dissimulate, for she had instantly, in so public a situation, to recover herself. They had come and gone in half a minute, and she immediately explained them. “It‘s only because I’m tired. It’s that—it’s that!” Then she added a trifle incoherently: “I shall never see you again.”

Her tears actually helped her hide her feelings, because she had to pull herself together so quickly in such a public situation. They lasted only half a minute, and she quickly came up with an explanation. “It’s just because I’m tired. That’s why—that’s why!” Then she added somewhat incoherently, “I’ll never see you again.”

“Ah but why not?” The mere tone in which her companion asked this satisfied her once for all as to the amount of imagination for which she could count on him. It was naturally not large: it had exhausted itself in having arrived at what he had already touched upon—the sense of an intention in her poor zeal at Cocker’s. But any deficiency of this kind was no fault in him: he wasn’t obliged to have an inferior cleverness—to have second-rate resources and virtues. It had been as if he almost really believed she had simply cried for fatigue, and he accordingly put in some kind confused plea—“You ought really to take something: won’t you have something or other somewhere?” to which she had made no response but a headshake of a sharpness that settled it. “Why shan’t we all the more keep meeting?”

“Ah, but why not?” The way her companion asked this made her realize she could count on him for only a limited amount of imagination. It was obviously not much; he had already exhausted it by recognizing her intention behind her enthusiasm at Cocker’s. But any lack in that area wasn’t his fault: he didn’t have to have lower intelligence—he didn’t need second-rate abilities and qualities. It was as if he genuinely believed she had just cried out of exhaustion, and he gave some kind of awkward suggestion—“You really should eat something: won’t you have something or other somewhere?” to which she only responded with a sharp shake of her head that made her point clear. “Why shouldn’t we keep meeting more?”

“I mean meeting this way—only this way. At my place there—that I’ve nothing to do with, and I hope of course you’ll turn up, with your correspondence, when it suits you. Whether I stay or not, I mean; for I shall probably not stay.”

“I mean meeting like this—only like this. At my place there—that I have nothing to do with, and I hope you’ll come by, with your letters, when it works for you. Whether I stay or not, I mean; because I probably won’t stay.”

“You’re going somewhere else?” he put it with positive anxiety.

“You're going somewhere else?” he asked, clearly anxious.

“Yes, ever so far away—to the other end of London. There are all sorts of reasons I can’t tell you; and it’s practically settled. It’s better for me, much; and I’ve only kept on at Cocker’s for you.”

“Yes, really far away—to the other end of London. There are all kinds of reasons I can’t explain; and it’s almost finalized. It’s better for me, a lot; and I’ve only stayed at Cocker’s for you.”

“For me?”

"For me?"

Making out in the dusk that he fairly blushed, she now measured how far he had been from knowing too much. Too much, she called it at present; and that was easy, since it proved so abundantly enough for her that he should simply be where he was. “As we shall never talk this way but to-night—never, never again!—here it all is. I’ll say it; I don’t care what you think; it doesn’t matter; I only want to help you. Besides, you’re kind—you’re kind. I’ve been thinking then of leaving for ever so long. But you’ve come so often—at times—and you’ve had so much to do, and it has been so pleasant and interesting, that I’ve remained, I’ve kept putting off any change. More than once, when I had nearly decided, you’ve turned up again and I’ve thought ‘Oh no!’ That’s the simple fact!” She had by this time got her confusion down so completely that she could laugh. “This is what I meant when I said to you just now that I ‘knew.’ I’ve known perfectly that you knew I took trouble for you; and that knowledge has been for me, and I seemed to see it was for you, as if there were something—I don’t know what to call it!—between us. I mean something unusual and good and awfully nice—something not a bit horrid or vulgar.”

Making out in the dusk, he practically blushed. She now realized how close he was to understanding too much. Too much, as she called it for now; and that was easy since it clearly indicated that he should just be where he was. “Since we’ll never have this conversation again—never, ever again!—here it all is. I’ll say it; I don’t care what you think; it doesn’t matter; I just want to help you. Besides, you’re kind—you’re kind. I’ve been thinking about leaving for a long time. But you’ve shown up so often—sometimes—and you’ve been so busy, and it’s been so enjoyable and interesting that I’ve stayed, I’ve kept delaying any change. More than once, when I was almost ready to decide, you showed up again, and I thought ‘Oh no!’ That’s the simple truth!” By this point, she had gotten her confusion under control enough to laugh. “This is what I meant when I said to you just now that I ‘knew.’ I’ve known all along that you realized I cared for you; and that realization has been for me, and I sensed it was for you too, as if there was something—I don’t know what to call it!—between us. I mean something unusual and good and really nice—something not at all horrible or crude.”

She had by this time, she could see, produced a great effect on him; but she would have spoken the truth to herself had she at the same moment declared that she didn’t in the least care: all the more that the effect must be one of extreme perplexity. What, in it all, was visibly clear for him, none the less, was that he was tremendously glad he had met her. She held him, and he was astonished at the force of it; he was intent, immensely considerate. His elbow was on the back of the seat, and his head, with the pot-hat pushed quite back, in a boyish way, so that she really saw almost for the first time his forehead and hair, rested on the hand into which he had crumpled his gloves. “Yes,” he assented, “it’s not a bit horrid or vulgar.”

She could see that by this time she had made a big impact on him; but she would have been lying to herself if she said she cared at all: especially since the effect was clearly one of deep confusion. What was obvious to him, though, was that he was really glad to have met her. She captivated him, and he was amazed by the strength of that feeling; he was focused and incredibly attentive. His elbow rested on the back of the seat, and his hat was pushed back in a casual way, allowing her to finally see his forehead and hair, as he leaned his head on the hand where he had crumpled his gloves. “Yeah,” he agreed, “it’s not at all awful or tacky.”

She just hung fire a moment, then she brought out the whole truth. “I’d do anything for you. I’d do anything for you.” Never in her life had she known anything so high and fine as this, just letting him have it and bravely and magnificently leaving it. Didn’t the place, the associations and circumstances, perfectly make it sound what it wasn’t? and wasn’t that exactly the beauty?

She paused for a moment, then revealed the whole truth. “I’d do anything for you. I’d do anything for you.” Never in her life had she experienced anything so profound and beautiful as this—just giving it to him and boldly and gracefully walking away. Didn't the setting, the memories, and the context make it feel like something it wasn't? And wasn't that exactly the beauty of it?

So she bravely and magnificently left it, and little by little she felt him take it up, take it down, as if they had been on a satin sofa in a boudoir. She had never seen a boudoir, but there had been lots of boudoirs in the telegrams. What she had said at all events sank into him, so that after a minute he simply made a movement that had the result of placing his hand on her own—presently indeed that of her feeling herself firmly enough grasped. There was no pressure she need return, there was none she need decline; she just sat admirably still, satisfied for the time with the surprise and bewilderment of the impression she made on him. His agitation was even greater on the whole than she had at first allowed for. “I say, you know, you mustn’t think of leaving!” he at last broke out.

So she confidently and beautifully left it behind, and gradually she felt him pick it up and put it down, as if they were on a satin sofa in a private room. She had never seen a private room, but there had been many references to them in the messages. What she had said, in any case, sank into him, so that after a moment he instinctively moved his hand to rest on hers—before long, she felt her hand firmly held. There was no pressure she needed to return, nor any she needed to refuse; she just sat perfectly still, content for the moment with the surprise and confusion of the impact she had on him. His agitation was even greater than she had initially anticipated. “I have to say, you know, you can’t think of leaving!” he finally exclaimed.

“Of leaving Cocker’s, you mean?”

"Are you talking about leaving Cocker’s?"

“Yes, you must stay on there, whatever happens, and help a fellow.”

“Yes, you have to stay there no matter what happens and help someone out.”

She was silent a little, partly because it was so strange and exquisite to feel him watch her as if it really mattered to him and he were almost in suspense. “Then you have quite recognised what I’ve tried to do?” she asked.

She was quiet for a moment, partly because it felt so unusual and beautiful to sense him watching her as if it genuinely mattered to him and he was almost anxious. “So you have noticed what I’ve been trying to do?” she asked.

“Why, wasn’t that exactly what I dashed over from my door just now to thank you for?”

“Why, isn’t that exactly what I rushed over from my door just now to thank you for?”

“Yes; so you said.”

"Yeah; that's what you said."

“And don’t you believe it?”

“Do you really believe that?”

She looked down a moment at his hand, which continued to cover her own; whereupon he presently drew it back, rather restlessly folding his arms. Without answering his question she went on: “Have you ever spoken of me?”

She glanced down at his hand, which was still covering hers; then he pulled it back, a bit restlessly folding his arms. Without responding to his question, she continued: “Have you ever talked about me?”

“Spoken of you?”

"Talked about you?"

“Of my being there—of my knowing, and that sort of thing.”

“Of my being there—of my awareness, and that sort of thing.”

“Oh never to a human creature!” he eagerly declared.

“Oh, never to a human being!” he eagerly declared.

She had a small drop at this, which was expressed in another pause, and she then returned to what he had just asked her. “Oh yes, I quite believe you like it—my always being there and our taking things up so familiarly and successfully: if not exactly where we left them,” she laughed, “almost always at least at an interesting point!” He was about to say something in reply to this, but her friendly gaiety was quicker. “You want a great many things in life, a great many comforts and helps and luxuries—you want everything as pleasant as possible. Therefore, so far as it’s in the power of any particular person to contribute to all that—” She had turned her face to him smiling, just thinking.

She had a brief moment of hesitation, which showed in another pause before she got back to his question. “Oh yes, I totally believe you enjoy it—me always being around and us picking things up so casually and successfully: if not exactly where we left off,” she laughed, “at least almost always at an interesting point!” He was about to respond, but her cheerful energy was faster. “You want a lot of things in life, a lot of comforts, support, and luxuries—you want everything to be as nice as possible. So, as far as any one person can help with all that—” She turned her face toward him with a smile, just thinking.

“Oh see here!” But he was highly amused. “Well, what then?” he enquired as if to humour her.

“Oh, look at this!” But he found it very entertaining. “So, what’s going on?” he asked as if to indulge her.

“Why the particular person must never fail. We must manage it for you somehow.”

“Why that specific person can never fail. We have to figure it out for you somehow.”

He threw back his head, laughing out; he was really exhilarated. “Oh yes, somehow!”

He threw his head back and laughed; he was genuinely thrilled. “Oh yeah, somehow!”

“Well, I think we each do—don’t we?—in one little way and another and according to our limited lights. I’m pleased at any rate, for myself, that you are; for I assure you I’ve done my best.”

“Well, I think we all do—don’t we?—in our own small ways and based on what we understand. I’m glad, at least for myself, that you are; because I really have done my best.”

“You do better than any one!” He had struck a match for another cigarette, and the flame lighted an instant his responsive finished face, magnifying into a pleasant grimace the kindness with which he paid her this tribute. “You’re awfully clever, you know; cleverer, cleverer, cleverer—!” He had appeared on the point of making some tremendous statement; then suddenly, puffing his cigarette and shifting almost with violence on his seat, he let it altogether fall.

“You're better than anyone else!” He had lit a match for another cigarette, and the flame briefly illuminated his smooth face, turning it into a nice grin as he complimented her. “You’re really smart, you know; smarter, smarter, smarter—!” He seemed ready to make some big declaration; then suddenly, while puffing on his cigarette and shifting uncomfortably in his seat, he completely lost his train of thought.

CHAPTER XVII.

In spite of this drop, if not just by reason of it, she felt as if Lady Bradeen, all but named out, had popped straight up; and she practically betrayed her consciousness by waiting a little before she rejoined: “Cleverer than who?”

In spite of this drop, if not just because of it, she felt like Lady Bradeen, almost mentioned by name, had suddenly appeared; and she almost revealed her awareness by pausing for a moment before she replied: “Cleverer than who?”

“Well, if I wasn’t afraid you’d think I swagger, I should say—than anybody! If you leave your place there, where shall you go?” he more gravely asked.

“Well, if I didn’t think you’d see me as cocky, I should say—better than anyone! If you leave your spot there, where will you go?” he asked more seriously.

“Oh too far for you ever to find me!”

“Oh, it's too far for you to ever find me!”

“I’d find you anywhere.”

“I'd find you anywhere.”

The tone of this was so still more serious that she had but her one acknowledgement. “I’d do anything for you—I’d do anything for you,” she repeated. She had already, she felt, said it all; so what did anything more, anything less, matter? That was the very reason indeed why she could, with a lighter note, ease him generously of any awkwardness produced by solemnity, either his own or hers. “Of course it must be nice for you to be able to think there are people all about who feel in such a way.”

The tone was even more serious than before, leaving her with just one acknowledgment. “I’d do anything for you—I’d do anything for you,” she repeated. She felt she had already said everything; so what did anything more or less matter? That was exactly why she could, with a lighter touch, help him feel less awkward about the seriousness, whether it was his or hers. “Of course, it must be nice for you to think that there are people around who feel this way.”

In immediate appreciation of this, however, he only smoked without looking at her. “But you don’t want to give up your present work?” he at last threw out. “I mean you will stay in the post-office?”

In immediate recognition of this, however, he just smoked without looking at her. “But you don’t want to give up your current job?” he finally said. “I mean, you will stay at the post office?”

“Oh yes; I think I’ve a genius for that.”

“Oh yes; I think I’m really good at that.”

“Rather! No one can touch you.” With this he turned more to her again. “But you can get, with a move, greater advantages?”

“Absolutely! No one can bother you.” With this, he turned more towards her again. “But you can gain greater advantages with just one move?”

“I can get in the suburbs cheaper lodgings. I live with my mother. We need some space. There’s a particular place that has other inducements.”

“I can find cheaper places to stay in the suburbs. I live with my mom. We need some space. There’s a specific spot that has other perks.”

He just hesitated. “Where is it?”

He just paused. “Where is it?”

“Oh quite out of your way. You’d never have time.”

“Oh, that’s totally out of your way. You’d never have the time.”

“But I tell you I’d go anywhere. Don’t you believe it?”

“But I’m telling you I’d go anywhere. Don’t you believe me?”

“Yes, for once or twice. But you’d soon see it wouldn’t do for you.”

“Yes, maybe once or twice. But you'd quickly realize it’s not for you.”

He smoked and considered; seemed to stretch himself a little and, with his legs out, surrender himself comfortably. “Well, well, well—I believe everything you say. I take it from you—anything you like—in the most extraordinary way.” It struck her certainly—and almost without bitterness—that the way in which she was already, as if she had been an old friend, arranging for him and preparing the only magnificence she could muster, was quite the most extraordinary. “Don’t, don’t go!” he presently went on. “I shall miss you too horribly!”

He smoked and thought; he seemed to relax a bit and, with his legs stretched out, made himself comfortable. “Well, well, well—I believe everything you say. I’ll take it from you—whatever you want—in the most extraordinary way.” It really struck her—and without any bitterness—that the way she was already, as if she were an old friend, organizing things for him and preparing the only grandeur she could manage, was truly remarkable. “Please, please don’t go!” he continued. “I’ll miss you too much!”

“So that you just put it to me as a definite request?”—oh how she tried to divest this of all sound of the hardness of bargaining! That ought to have been easy enough, for what was she arranging to get? Before he could answer she had continued: “To be perfectly fair I should tell you I recognise at Cocker’s certain strong attractions. All you people come. I like all the horrors.”

“So you’re really putting this to me as a clear request?”—oh how she tried to strip away any hint of the harshness of negotiating! That should have been easy enough, since what was she trying to gain? Before he could respond, she went on: “To be completely honest, I have to say I see some strong appeals at Cocker’s. All of you come. I enjoy all the chaos.”

“The horrors?”

"The horrors?"

“Those you all—you know the set I mean, your set—show me with as good a conscience as if I had no more feeling than a letter-box.”

“Those of you— you know the group I mean, your group—treat me with as clear a conscience as if I had no more emotions than a mailbox.”

He looked quite excited at the way she put it. “Oh they don’t know!”

He looked pretty excited about how she said it. “Oh, they have no idea!”

“Don’t know I’m not stupid? No, how should they?”

“Don't they realize I'm not stupid? No, why would they?”

“Yes, how should they?” said the Captain sympathetically. “But isn’t ‘horrors’ rather strong?”

“Yes, how should they?” said the Captain with understanding. “But isn’t ‘horrors’ a bit too much?”

“What you do is rather strong!” the girl promptly returned.

“What you do is pretty intense!” the girl quickly replied.

“What I do?”

“What should I do?”

“Your extravagance, your selfishness, your immorality, your crimes,” she pursued, without heeding his expression.

“Your extravagance, your selfishness, your immorality, your crimes,” she continued, ignoring his expression.

“I say!”—her companion showed the queerest stare.

“I say!”—her friend gave the strangest look.

“I like them, as I tell you—I revel in them. But we needn’t go into that,” she quietly went on; “for all I get out of it is the harmless pleasure of knowing. I know, I know, I know!”—she breathed it ever so gently.

“I like them, as I told you—I enjoy them. But we don’t need to discuss that,” she continued quietly; “because all I get from it is the simple pleasure of knowing. I know, I know, I know!”—she said it ever so softly.

“Yes; that’s what has been between us,” he answered much more simply.

“Yes; that’s what’s been going on between us,” he responded in a much simpler way.

She could enjoy his simplicity in silence, and for a moment she did so. “If I do stay because you want it—and I’m rather capable of that—there are two or three things I think you ought to remember. One is, you know, that I’m there sometimes for days and weeks together without your ever coming.”

She could appreciate his straightforwardness in silence, and for a moment, she did. “If I stay because you want me to—and I’m definitely able to do that—there are a couple of things I think you should keep in mind. One is, you know, that I can be there for days and weeks without you ever showing up.”

“Oh I’ll come every day!” he honestly cried.

“Oh, I’ll come every day!” he said earnestly.

She was on the point, at this, of imitating with her hand his movement of shortly before; but she checked herself, and there was no want of effect in her soothing substitute. “How can you? How can you?” He had, too manifestly, only to look at it there, in the vulgarly animated gloom, to see that he couldn’t; and at this point, by the mere action of his silence, everything they had so definitely not named, the whole presence round which they had been circling, became part of their reference, settled in solidly between them. It was as if then for a minute they sat and saw it all in each other’s eyes, saw so much that there was no need of a pretext for sounding it at last. “Your danger, your danger—!” Her voice indeed trembled with it, and she could only for the moment again leave it so.

She was just about to mimic his earlier gesture with her hand, but she stopped herself, and her calming alternative had plenty of impact. “How can you? How can you?” He clearly only needed to glance at it there, in the ordinary, flickering shadows, to realize that he couldn’t; and at that moment, just by staying silent, everything they had deliberately avoided naming—the whole issue they had been dancing around—became clearly present, solidly settling between them. It felt like, for a moment, they sat there and saw it all reflected in each other’s eyes, recognized so much that there was no need for a reason to finally address it. “Your danger, your danger—!” Her voice wavered with it, and for the moment she could only leave it at that.

During this moment he leaned back on the bench, meeting her in silence and with a face that grew more strange. It grew so strange that after a further instant she got straight up. She stood there as if their talk were now over, and he just sat and watched her. It was as if now—owing to the third person they had brought in—they must be more careful; so that the most he could finally say was: “That’s where it is!”

During this moment, he leaned back on the bench, sharing a quiet moment with her and his expression becoming increasingly odd. It was so odd that after a moment, she stood up straight. She remained standing as if their conversation was over, and he just sat there watching her. It felt like, because of the third person they had involved, they needed to be more cautious; so all he could finally say was, “That’s where it is!”

“That’s where it is!” the girl as guardedly replied. He sat still, and she added: “I won’t give you up. Good-bye.”

“That’s where it is!” the girl replied cautiously. He sat still, and she added: “I won’t give you up. Goodbye.”

“Good-bye?”—he appealed, but without moving.

“Goodbye?”—he pleaded, but without moving.

“I don’t quite see my way, but I won’t give you up,” she repeated. “There. Good-bye.”

“I can’t really see the way forward, but I won’t let you go,” she said again. “There. Bye.”

It brought him with a jerk to his feet, tossing away his cigarette. His poor face was flushed. “See here—see here!”

It jerked him to his feet, making him toss aside his cigarette. His face was red. “Hey—hey!”

“No, I won’t; but I must leave you now,” she went on as if not hearing him.

“No, I won't; but I have to leave you now,” she continued as if she didn't hear him.

“See here—see here!” He tried, from the bench, to take her hand again.

“Look here—look here!” He tried, from the bench, to take her hand again.

But that definitely settled it for her: this would, after all, be as bad as his asking her to supper. “You mustn’t come with me—no, no!”

But that definitely settled it for her: this would, after all, be just as bad as him asking her to dinner. “You can’t come with me—no, no!”

He sank back, quite blank, as if she had pushed him. “I mayn’t see you home?”

He sank back, looking completely shocked, as if she had pushed him. "I can't walk you home?"

“No, no; let me go.” He looked almost as if she had struck him, but she didn’t care; and the manner in which she spoke—it was literally as if she were angry—had the force of a command. “Stay where you are!”

“No, no; let me go.” He looked as if she had hit him, but she didn’t care; and the way she spoke—it was like she was genuinely angry—had the weight of a command. “Stay where you are!”

“See here—see here!” he nevertheless pleaded.

“Look here—look here!” he still begged.

“I won’t give you up!” she cried once more—this time quite with passion; on which she got away from him as fast as she could and left him staring after her.

“I won't give you up!” she shouted again—this time with real passion; then she hurried away from him as fast as she could, leaving him staring after her.

CHAPTER XVIII.

Mr. Mudge had lately been so occupied with their famous “plans” that he had neglected for a while the question of her transfer; but down at Bournemouth, which had found itself selected as the field of their recreation by a process consisting, it seemed, exclusively of innumerable pages of the neatest arithmetic in a very greasy but most orderly little pocket-book, the distracting possible melted away—the fleeting absolute ruled the scene. The plans, hour by hour, were simply superseded, and it was much of a rest to the girl, as she sat on the pier and overlooked the sea and the company, to see them evaporate in rosy fumes and to feel that from moment to moment there was less left to cipher about. The week proves blissfully fine, and her mother, at their lodgings—partly to her embarrassment and partly to her relief—struck up with the landlady an alliance that left the younger couple a great deal of freedom. This relative took her pleasure of a week at Bournemouth in a stuffy back-kitchen and endless talks; to that degree even that Mr. Mudge himself—habitually inclined indeed to a scrutiny of all mysteries and to seeing, as he sometimes admitted, too much in things—made remarks on it as he sat on the cliff with his betrothed, or on the decks of steamers that conveyed them, close-packed items in terrific totals of enjoyment, to the Isle of Wight and the Dorset coast.

Mr. Mudge had recently been so caught up in their famous “plans” that he had put off thinking about her transfer for a while; but down in Bournemouth, which had been chosen as their getaway through what seemed like an endless amount of neatly calculated numbers in a very greasy but organized little pocket-book, the distractions faded away—the present moment took over. The plans, hour by hour, simply fell by the wayside, and it was quite relaxing for the girl, as she sat on the pier looking out at the sea and the people, to see them dissolve into thin air and to feel that with each passing moment there was less to worry about. The week turned out to be wonderfully nice, and her mother, at their lodgings—partly to her embarrassment and partly to her relief—formed a bond with the landlady that gave the younger couple a lot of freedom. This relative spent her week enjoying Bournemouth in a stuffy back-kitchen and endless conversations; to the extent that even Mr. Mudge—who usually had a tendency to scrutinize all mysteries and who sometimes admitted to seeing too much in things—made comments about it as he sat on the cliff with his fiancée, or on the decks of the steamers that took them, tightly packed with excited passengers, to the Isle of Wight and the Dorset coast.

He had a lodging in another house, where he had speedily learned the importance of keeping his eyes open, and he made no secret of his suspecting that sinister mutual connivances might spring, under the roof of his companions, from unnatural sociabilities. At the same time he fully recognised that as a source of anxiety, not to say of expense, his future mother-in law would have weighted them more by accompanying their steps than by giving her hostess, in the interest of the tendency they considered that they never mentioned, equivalent pledges as to the tea-caddy and the jam-pot. These were the questions—these indeed the familiar commodities—that he had now to put into the scales; and his betrothed had in consequence, during her holiday, the odd and yet pleasant and almost languid sense of an anticlimax. She had become conscious of an extraordinary collapse, a surrender to stillness and to retrospect. She cared neither to walk nor to sail; it was enough for her to sit on benches and wonder at the sea and taste the air and not be at Cocker’s and not see the counter-clerk. She still seemed to wait for something—something in the key of the immense discussions that had mapped out their little week of idleness on the scale of a world-atlas. Something came at last, but without perhaps appearing quite adequately to crown the monument.

He was staying in another house, where he quickly understood the importance of being aware of his surroundings, and he openly shared his suspicion that dangerous schemes might arise, under the roof of his companions, from unnatural friendships. At the same time, he fully acknowledged that his future mother-in-law would add more stress—and expense—by joining them than by providing their hostess with equal contributions concerning the tea caddy and the jam jar, which they felt should never be discussed. These were the matters—these familiar items—that he now had to weigh; and as a result, his fiancée experienced during her vacation a strange yet pleasant sense of anticlimax. She became aware of an unusual letdown, a yielding to calmness and reflection. She didn’t feel like walking or sailing; it was enough for her to sit on benches, gaze at the sea, breathe in the air, and not be at Cocker’s or see the clerk. She seemed to still be waiting for something—something in line with the significant conversations that had defined their little week of leisure on a grand scale. Eventually, something did happen, but it perhaps didn’t quite seem to properly complete the experience.

Preparation and precaution were, however, the natural flowers of Mr. Mudge’s mind, and in proportion as these things declined in one quarter they inevitably bloomed elsewhere. He could always, at the worst, have on Tuesday the project of their taking the Swanage boat on Thursday, and on Thursday that of their ordering minced kidneys on Saturday. He had moreover a constant gift of inexorable enquiry as to where and what they should have gone and have done if they hadn’t been exactly as they were. He had in short his resources, and his mistress had never been so conscious of them; on the other hand they never interfered so little with her own. She liked to be as she was—if it could only have lasted. She could accept even without bitterness a rigour of economy so great that the little fee they paid for admission to the pier had to be balanced against other delights. The people at Ladle’s and at Thrupp’s had their ways of amusing themselves, whereas she had to sit and hear Mr. Mudge talk of what he might do if he didn’t take a bath, or of the bath he might take if he only hadn’t taken something else. He was always with her now, of course, always beside her; she saw him more than “hourly,” more than ever yet, more even than he had planned she should do at Chalk Farm. She preferred to sit at the far end, away from the band and the crowd; as to which she had frequent differences with her friend, who reminded her often that they could have only in the thick of it the sense of the money they were getting back. That had little effect on her, for she got back her money by seeing many things, the things of the past year, fall together and connect themselves, undergo the happy relegation that transforms melancholy and misery, passion and effort, into experience and knowledge.

Preparation and caution were, however, the natural traits of Mr. Mudge’s mind, and as these traits faded in one area, they flourished in another. He could always, at the very least, plan to take the Swanage boat on Thursday by Tuesday, and by Thursday, he could think about ordering minced kidneys for Saturday. He also had an unending curiosity about where they would have gone and what they would have done if things had been different. In short, he had his resources, and his girlfriend had never been more aware of them; on the other hand, they never interfered much with her own plans. She liked being as she was—if only it could last. She could even accept, without bitterness, a strict economy so severe that the small fee for admittance to the pier had to be balanced against other pleasures. The people at Ladle’s and Thrupp’s had their own ways to entertain themselves, while she had to listen to Mr. Mudge talk about what he might do if he didn’t take a bath, or the bath he could take if he hadn’t done something else. He was always with her now, of course, always by her side; she saw him more than “hourly,” more than ever before, even more than he had planned for her at Chalk Farm. She preferred to sit at the far end, away from the band and the crowd; this often led to disagreements with her friend, who frequently reminded her that they could only feel the value of the money they were spending if they were in the thick of it. That did little to change her mind, as she felt she got her money’s worth by seeing many things from the past year come together and connect, undergoing the pleasant transformation that turns sadness and hardship, passion and effort, into experience and knowledge.

She liked having done with them, as she assured herself she had practically done, and the strange thing was that she neither missed the procession now nor wished to keep her place for it. It had become there, in the sun and the breeze and the sea-smell, a far-away story, a picture of another life. If Mr. Mudge himself liked processions, liked them at Bournemouth and on the pier quite as much as at Chalk Farm or anywhere, she learned after a little not to be worried by his perpetual counting of the figures that made them up. There were dreadful women in particular, usually fat and in men’s caps and write shoes, whom he could never let alone—not that she cared; it was not the great world, the world of Cocker’s and Ladle’s and Thrupp’s, but it offered an endless field to his faculties of memory, philosophy, and frolic. She had never accepted him so much, never arranged so successfully for making him chatter while she carried on secret conversations. This separate commerce was with herself; and if they both practised a great thrift she had quite mastered that of merely spending words enough to keep him imperturbably and continuously going.

She was glad to be done with them, as she reassured herself she basically was, and the strange thing was that she neither missed the parade now nor wanted to save her spot for it. It had become, in the sun and the breeze and the scent of the sea, a distant story, a snapshot of another life. If Mr. Mudge enjoyed parades, liked them at Bournemouth and on the pier just as much as at Chalk Farm or anywhere else, she soon learned not to let his constant counting of the participants bother her. There were some awful women in particular, usually overweight and wearing men's caps and white shoes, whom he could never ignore—not that she cared; it wasn't the big world, the world of Cocker’s and Ladle’s and Thrupp’s, but it provided an endless opportunity for his memory, philosophy, and playful nature. She had never accepted him as much before, never arranged so successfully to get him talking while she engaged in private conversations. This separate exchange was with herself; and if they both practiced great restraint, she had completely mastered the art of spending just enough words to keep him calmly and continuously going.

He was charmed with the panorama, not knowing—or at any rate not at all showing that he knew—what far other images peopled her mind than the women in the navy caps and the shop-boys in the blazers. His observations on these types, his general interpretation of the show, brought home to her the prospect of Chalk Farm. She wondered sometimes that he should have derived so little illumination, during his period, from the society at Cocker’s. But one evening while their holiday cloudlessly waned he gave her such a proof of his quality as might have made her ashamed of her many suppressions. He brought out something that, in all his overflow, he had been able to keep back till other matters were disposed of. It was the announcement that he was at last ready to marry—that he saw his way. A rise at Chalk Farm had been offered him; he was to be taken into the business, bringing with him a capital the estimation of which by other parties constituted the handsomest recognition yet made of the head on his shoulders. Therefore their waiting was over—it could be a question of a near date. They would settle this date before going back, and he meanwhile had his eye on a sweet little home. He would take her to see it on their first Sunday.

He was captivated by the view, unaware—or at least not showing that he was aware—of the much different images that filled her mind compared to the women in navy caps and the shopboys in blazers. His thoughts on these people and his overall take on the scene reminded her of the possibility of Chalk Farm. She sometimes wondered why he hadn’t gotten more insight during his time at Cocker’s. But one evening, as their holiday slowly came to an end, he gave her such a display of his character that it made her feel embarrassed about her many secrets. He revealed something that, despite his outpouring, he had managed to hold back until other issues were settled. It was the announcement that he was finally ready to marry—that he had found a path forward. A position at Chalk Farm had been offered to him; he was going to be brought into the business, bringing with him an investment that other parties recognized as the highest acknowledgment yet of his intellect. So their waiting was over—it could be a matter of a short time. They would decide on a date before heading back, and in the meantime, he had his sights set on a charming little home. He would take her to see it on their first Sunday.

CHAPTER XIX.

His having kept this great news for the last, having had such a card up his sleeve and not floated it out in the current of his chatter and the luxury of their leisure, was one of those incalculable strokes by which he could still affect her; the kind of thing that reminded her of the latent force that had ejected the drunken soldier—an example of the profundity of which his promotion was the proof. She listened a while in silence, on this occasion, to the wafted strains of the music; she took it in as she had not quite done before that her future was now constituted. Mr. Mudge was distinctly her fate; yet at this moment she turned her face quite away from him, showing him so long a mere quarter of her cheek that she at last again heard his voice. He couldn’t see a pair of tears that were partly the reason of her delay to give him the assurance he required; but he expressed at a venture the hope that she had had her fill of Cocker’s.

He had saved this big news for last, keeping it under wraps and not mentioning it during their conversations or while enjoying their time together. It was one of those unpredictable moves that still had an impact on her; it reminded her of the hidden strength that had ousted the drunken soldier—proof of the depth of which his promotion was evidence. She listened for a while in silence to the distant sounds of the music, absorbing the realization that her future was now set. Mr. Mudge was clearly her destiny; yet, at that moment, she turned her face away from him, showing him just a small part of her cheek until she finally heard his voice again. He couldn't see the tears that were partly why she hesitated to give him the reassurance he needed, but he ventured to hope that she had enjoyed her time at Cocker’s.

She was finally able to turn back. “Oh quite. There’s nothing going on. No one comes but the Americans at Thrupp’s, and they don’t do much. They don’t seem to have a secret in the world.”

She was finally able to turn back. “Oh yeah. There’s nothing happening. No one comes except the Americans at Thrupp’s, and they don’t do much. They don’t seem to have a secret in the world.”

“Then the extraordinary reason you’ve been giving me for holding on there has ceased to work?”

“Then the amazing reason you’ve been giving me for hanging on there has stopped working?”

She thought a moment. “Yes, that one. I’ve seen the thing through—I’ve got them all in my pocket.”

She paused for a moment. “Yeah, that one. I’ve figured it out—I’ve got everything in my pocket.”

“So you’re ready to come?”

"Are you ready to come?"

For a little again she made no answer. “No, not yet, all the same. I’ve still got a reason—a different one.”

For a little while, she didn’t respond. “No, not yet, but still, I’ve got a reason—a different one.”

He looked her all over as if it might have been something she kept in her mouth or her glove or under her jacket—something she was even sitting upon. “Well, I’ll have it, please.”

He scanned her from head to toe as if she were hiding something in her mouth, her glove, or under her jacket—something she might even be sitting on. “Well, I’ll take it, please.”

“I went out the other night and sat in the Park with a gentleman,” she said at last.

“I went out the other night and sat in the park with a guy,” she finally said.

Nothing was ever seen like his confidence in her and she wondered a little now why it didn’t irritate her. It only gave her ease and space, as she felt, for telling him the whole truth that no one knew. It had arrived at present at her really wanting to do that, and yet to do it not in the least for Mr. Mudge, but altogether and only for herself. This truth filled out for her there the whole experience about to relinquish, suffused and coloured it as a picture that she should keep and that, describe it as she might, no one but herself would ever really see. Moreover she had no desire whatever to make Mr. Mudge jealous; there would be no amusement in it, for the amusement she had lately known had spoiled her for lower pleasures. There were even no materials for it. The odd thing was how she never doubted that, properly handled, his passion was poisonable; what had happened was that he had cannily selected a partner with no poison to distil. She read then and there that she should never interest herself in anybody as to whom some other sentiment, some superior view, wouldn’t be sure to interfere for him with jealousy. “And what did you get out of that?” he asked with a concern that was not in the least for his honour.

Nothing had ever compared to his confidence in her, and she felt a bit curious now why it didn’t annoy her. It actually gave her comfort and freedom, as she felt, to share with him the whole truth that no one else knew. She genuinely wanted to do that now, but not at all for Mr. Mudge—only for herself. This truth made her entire experience feel complete as she prepared to let go, filling it with emotion like a picture she would keep that, no matter how she described it, only she would ever really see. Plus, she had no desire to make Mr. Mudge jealous; there would be no fun in that, as the enjoyment she had recently experienced had ruined her for lesser pleasures. There was even nothing to create jealousy from. The strange thing was that she never doubted that, if dealt with properly, his passion could be toxic; what happened was that he had cleverly chosen a partner who had no poison to share. She realized then and there that she should never get involved with anyone where another feeling, some higher perspective, wouldn’t inevitably cause jealousy for him. “And what did you get out of that?” he asked with a concern that showed he didn’t care at all about his own reputation.

“Nothing but a good chance to promise him I wouldn’t forsake him. He’s one of my customers.”

“Just a good opportunity to promise him I wouldn’t let him down. He’s one of my clients.”

“Then it’s for him not to forsake you.”

“Then it’s for him not to abandon you.”

“Well, he won’t. It’s all right. But I must just keep on as long as he may want me.”

“Well, he won’t. It’s okay. But I just have to stay as long as he needs me.”

“Want you to sit with him in the Park?”

“Do you want to sit with him in the park?”

“He may want me for that—but I shan’t. I rather liked it, but once, under the circumstances, is enough. I can do better for him in another manner.”

“He may want me for that—but I won’t. I liked it, but once, given the situation, is enough. I can do better for him in another way.”

“And what manner, pray?”

"And what way, please?"

“Well, elsewhere.”

"Well, somewhere else."

“Elsewhere?—I say!”

“Elsewhere?—I say!”

This was an ejaculation used also by Captain Everard, but oh with what a different sound! “You needn’t ‘say’—there’s nothing to be said. And yet you ought perhaps to know.”

This was an exclamation used by Captain Everard too, but oh, what a different tone! “You don’t need to ‘say’—there’s nothing to say. And yet, maybe you should know.”

“Certainly I ought. But what—up to now?”

“Of course I should. But what—until now?”

“Why exactly what I told him. That I’d do anything for him.”

“Why exactly what I told him. That I’d do anything for him.”

“What do you mean by ‘anything’?”

“What do you mean by ‘anything’?”

“Everything.”

“Everything.”

Mr. Mudge’s immediate comment on this statement was to draw from his pocket a crumpled paper containing the remains of half a pound of “sundries.” These sundries had figured conspicuously in his prospective sketch of their tour, but it was only at the end of three days that they had defined themselves unmistakeably as chocolate-creams. “Have another?—that one,” he said. She had another, but not the one he indicated, and then he continued: “What took place afterwards?”

Mr. Mudge’s first response to this statement was to pull out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket that held what was left of half a pound of “sundries.” These sundries had played a noticeable role in his planned outline for their trip, but it took three days for them to clearly reveal themselves as chocolate creams. “Want another?—that one,” he said. She took another, but not the one he pointed to, and then he asked, “What happened next?”

“Afterwards?”

"Later?"

“What did you do when you had told him you’d do everything?”

“What did you do when you told him you’d do everything?”

“I simply came away.”

"I just walked away."

“Out of the Park?”

"Out of the park?"

“Yes, leaving him there. I didn’t let him follow me.”

“Yes, I left him there. I didn’t let him come after me.”

“Then what did you let him do?”

“Then what did you allow him to do?”

“I didn’t let him do anything.”

“I didn't let him do anything.”

Mr. Mudge considered an instant. “Then what did you go there for?” His tone was even slightly critical.

Mr. Mudge paused for a moment. “So, what did you go there for?” His tone was a bit judgmental.

“I didn’t quite know at the time. It was simply to be with him, I suppose—just once. He’s in danger, and I wanted him to know I know it. It makes meeting him—at Cocker’s, since it’s that I want to stay on for—more interesting.”

“I didn’t really know back then. It was just to be with him, I guess—just once. He’s in danger, and I wanted him to know I’m aware of it. It makes meeting him—at Cocker’s, since that’s where I want to stick around—more interesting.”

“It makes it mighty interesting for me!” Mr. Mudge freely declared. “Yet he didn’t follow you?” he asked. “I would!”

“It makes it really interesting for me!” Mr. Mudge said openly. “But he didn’t follow you?” he asked. “I would!”

“Yes, of course. That was the way you began, you know. You’re awfully inferior to him.”

“Yes, definitely. That was how you started, you know. You are really beneath him.”

“Well, my dear, you’re not inferior to anybody. You’ve got a cheek! What’s he in danger of?”

“Well, my dear, you're just as good as anyone else. You've got some guts! What’s he worried about?”

“Of being found out. He’s in love with a lady—and it isn’t right—and I’ve found him out.”

“Of being discovered. He’s in love with a woman—and it’s not right—and I’ve caught him.”

“That’ll be a look-out for me!” Mr. Mudge joked. “You mean she has a husband?”

"That's something to keep an eye on for me!" Mr. Mudge joked. "You mean she has a husband?"

“Never mind what she has! They’re in awful danger, but his is the worst, because he’s in danger from her too.”

“Forget about what she has! They’re in serious danger, but his situation is the worst because he’s at risk from her as well.”

“Like me from you—the woman I love? If he’s in the same funk as me—”

“Like me from you—the woman I love? If he’s in the same mood as me—”

“He’s in a worse one. He’s not only afraid of the lady—he’s afraid of other things.”

“He's in a worse situation. He's not just scared of the lady—he's scared of other stuff too.”

Mr. Mudge selected another chocolate-cream. “Well, I’m only afraid of one! But how in the world can you help this party?”

Mr. Mudge picked another chocolate cream. “Well, I’m only scared of one! But how in the world can you help with this party?”

“I don’t know—perhaps not at all. But so long as there’s a chance—”

“I don’t know—maybe not at all. But as long as there’s a chance—”

“You won’t come away?”

“Are you not coming?”

“No, you’ve got to wait for me.”

“No, you have to wait for me.”

Mr. Mudge enjoyed what was in his mouth. “And what will he give you?”

Mr. Mudge enjoyed what he was tasting. “And what will he offer you?”

“Give me?”

"Can you give me?"

“If you do help him.”

"If you help him."

“Nothing. Nothing in all the wide world.”

“Nothing. Nothing in the entire world.”

“Then what will he give me?” Mr. Mudge enquired. “I mean for waiting.”

“Then what will he give me?” Mr. Mudge asked. “I mean for waiting.”

The girl thought a moment; then she got up to walk. “He never heard of you,” she replied.

The girl paused for a moment, then stood up to walk. “He’s never heard of you,” she said.

“You haven’t mentioned me?”

"You didn’t mention me?"

“We never mention anything. What I’ve told you is just what I’ve found out.”

“We never talk about it. What I’ve shared with you is just what I’ve discovered.”

Mr. Mudge, who had remained on the bench, looked up at her; she often preferred to be quiet when he proposed to walk, but now that he seemed to wish to sit she had a desire to move. “But you haven’t told me what he has found out.”

Mr. Mudge, who stayed on the bench, looked up at her; she usually liked to be quiet when he suggested going for a walk, but now that he seemed to want to sit, she felt like moving. “But you haven’t told me what he has found out.”

She considered her lover. “He’d never find you, my dear!”

She thought about her partner. “He’d never find you, my dear!”

Her lover, still on his seat, appealed to her in something of the attitude in which she had last left Captain Everard, but the impression was not the same. “Then where do I come in?”

Her lover, still sitting there, looked at her with a similar expression to the one she had seen on Captain Everard last, but it wasn't quite the same. “So where do I fit into this?”

“You don’t come in at all. That’s just the beauty of it!”—and with this she turned to mingle with the multitude collected round the band. Mr. Mudge presently overtook her and drew her arm into his own with a quiet force that expressed the serenity of possession; in consonance with which it was only when they parted for the night at her door that he referred again to what she had told him.

“You don’t come in at all. That’s just the beauty of it!”—and with that, she turned to join the crowd gathered around the band. Mr. Mudge soon caught up with her and slipped his arm through hers with a gentle strength that showed he felt at ease owning that moment; true to that, it was only when they said goodnight at her door that he brought up what she had told him earlier.

“Have you seen him since?”

"Have you seen him lately?"

“Since the night in the Park? No, not once.”

“Since that night in the park? No, not even once.”

“Oh, what a cad!” said Mr. Mudge.

“Oh, what a jerk!” said Mr. Mudge.

CHAPTER XX.

It was not till the end of October that she saw Captain Everard again, and on that occasion—the only one of all the series on which hindrance had been so utter—no communication with him proved possible. She had made out even from the cage that it was a charming golden day: a patch of hazy autumn sunlight lay across the sanded floor and also, higher up, quickened into brightness a row of ruddy bottled syrups. Work was slack and the place in general empty; the town, as they said in the cage, had not waked up, and the feeling of the day likened itself to something than in happier conditions she would have thought of romantically as Saint Martin’s summer. The counter-clerk had gone to his dinner; she herself was busy with arrears of postal jobs, in the midst of which she became aware that Captain Everard had apparently been in the shop a minute and that Mr. Buckton had already seized him.

It wasn't until the end of October that she saw Captain Everard again, and on that occasion—the only one in all this time when there was such a complete interruption—no communication with him was possible. She could tell even from the cage that it was a beautiful golden day: a patch of hazy autumn sunlight spread across the sanded floor and also brightened a row of reddish bottled syrups higher up. Work was slow, and the place was generally empty; the town, as they said in the cage, hadn’t woken up, and the vibe of the day reminded her of what she would have romantically thought of as Indian summer under happier circumstances. The counter-clerk had gone to lunch; she was busy catching up on postal tasks, during which she realized that Captain Everard had apparently been in the shop for a minute and that Mr. Buckton had already approached him.

He had as usual half a dozen telegrams; and when he saw that she saw him and their eyes met he gave, on bowing to her, an exaggerated laugh in which she read a new consciousness. It was a confession of awkwardness; it seemed to tell her that of course he knew he ought better to have kept his head, ought to have been clever enough to wait, on some pretext, till he should have found her free. Mr. Buckton was a long time with him, and her attention was soon demanded by other visitors; so that nothing passed between them but the fulness of their silence. The look she took from him was his greeting, and the other one a simple sign of the eyes sent her before going out. The only token they exchanged therefore was his tacit assent to her wish that since they couldn’t attempt a certain frankness they should attempt nothing at all. This was her intense preference; she could be as still and cold as any one when that was the sole solution.

He had his usual half a dozen telegrams, and when he noticed that she saw him, their eyes locked. He gave her an exaggerated laugh as he bowed, and in that moment, she sensed a new awareness in him. It was a confession of awkwardness; it seemed to suggest that he knew he should’ve kept his cool and should’ve been clever enough to wait, under some pretext, until she was free. Mr. Buckton was with him for a long time, and soon her attention was needed by other visitors, so nothing was exchanged between them except the weight of their silence. The look she received from him was his greeting, and the glance he sent her before leaving was just a simple sign. The only message they conveyed was his silent agreement with her wish that since they couldn’t be completely honest, they should not attempt anything at all. This was her strong preference; she could be as still and cold as anyone when that was the only option.

Yet more than any contact hitherto achieved these counted instants struck her as marking a step: they were built so—just in the mere flash—on the recognition of his now definitely knowing what it was she would do for him. The “anything, anything” she had uttered in the Park went to and fro between them and under the poked-out china that interposed. It had all at last even put on the air of their not needing now clumsily to manoeuvre to converse: their former little postal make-believes, the intense implications of questions and answers and change, had become in the light of the personal fact, of their having had their moment, a possibility comparatively poor. It was as if they had met for all time—it exerted on their being in presence again an influence so prodigious. When she watched herself, in the memory of that night, walk away from him as if she were making an end, she found something too pitiful in the primness of such a gait. Hadn’t she precisely established on the part of each a consciousness that could end only with death?

Yet more than any previous contact, these moments felt like a significant step for her. They were based solely on the understanding that he now truly knew what she would do for him. The “anything, anything” she had said in the Park bounced back and forth between them, even with the awkward barrier of the china that separated them. It felt as if they no longer needed to awkwardly navigate their conversations; their earlier little postal exchanges, with all the intense implications of questions and answers and changes, seemed less rich compared to the personal fact of having shared a moment together. It felt as if they had met for eternity, creating an incredibly powerful influence when they were together again. When she recalled that night and remembered walking away from him as if ending things, she found something too sad in the stiffness of that walk. Hadn’t she created a connection for both of them that could only end with death?

It must be admitted that in spite of this brave margin an irritation, after he had gone, remained with her; a sense that presently became one with a still sharper hatred of Mr. Buckton, who, on her friend’s withdrawal, had retired with the telegrams to the sounder and left her the other work. She knew indeed she should have a chance to see them, when she would, on file; and she was divided, as the day went on, between the two impressions of all that was lost and all that was re-asserted. What beset her above all, and as she had almost never known it before, was the desire to bound straight out, to overtake the autumn afternoon before it passed away for ever and hurry off to the Park and perhaps be with him there again on a bench. It became for an hour a fantastic vision with her that he might just have gone to sit and wait for her. She could almost hear him, through the tick of the sounder, scatter with his stick, in his impatience, the fallen leaves of October. Why should such a vision seize her at this particular moment with such a shake? There was a time—from four to five—when she could have cried with happiness and rage.

It has to be acknowledged that despite this brave front, an irritation lingered with her after he left; a feeling that soon merged with an even sharper hatred for Mr. Buckton, who, after her friend had stepped out, took the telegrams to the sounder and left her with the other tasks. She knew she would get a chance to see the telegrams later on, filed away; and as the day went by, she felt torn between the impressions of everything that was lost and everything that had been reaffirmed. What troubled her above all, and something she had rarely experienced before, was the urge to rush out, to catch the autumn afternoon before it faded away for good, and perhaps go to the Park to sit with him again on a bench. For an hour, it became a fantastical vision that he might just be waiting there for her. She could almost hear him, through the ticking of the sounder, sweeping a stick through the fallen October leaves in impatience. Why did such a vision grip her at this specific moment with such intensity? There was a time—from four to five—when she could have cried from a mix of happiness and frustration.

Business quickened, it seemed, toward five, as if the town did wake up; she had therefore more to do, and she went through it with little sharp stampings and jerkings: she made the crisp postal-orders fairly snap while she breathed to herself “It’s the last day—the last day!” The last day of what? She couldn’t have told. All she knew now was that if she were out of the cage she wouldn’t in the least have minded, this time, its not yet being dark. She would have gone straight toward Park Chambers and have hung about there till no matter when. She would have waited, stayed, rung, asked, have gone in, sat on the stairs. What the day was the last of was probably, to her strained inner sense, the group of golden ones, of any occasion for seeing the hazy sunshine slant at that angle into the smelly shop, of any range of chances for his wishing still to repeat to her the two words she had in the Park scarcely let him bring out. “See here—see here!”—the sound of these two words had been with her perpetually; but it was in her ears to-day without mercy, with a loudness that grew and grew. What was it they then expressed? what was it he had wanted her to see? She seemed, whatever it was, perfectly to see it now—to see that if she should just chuck the whole thing, should have a great and beautiful courage, he would somehow make everything up to her. When the clock struck five she was on the very point of saying to Mr. Buckton that she was deadly ill and rapidly getting worse. This announcement was on her lips, and she had quite composed the pale hard face she would offer him: “I can’t stop—I must go home. If I feel better, later on, I’ll come back. I’m very sorry, but I must go.” At that instant Captain Everard once more stood there, producing in her agitated spirit, by his real presence, the strangest, quickest revolution. He stopped her off without knowing it, and by the time he had been a minute in the shop she felt herself saved.

Business picked up, it seemed, as it approached five, almost like the town was waking up; so she had more to do, and she tackled it with quick, sharp movements: she made the crisp postal orders snap as she breathed to herself, “It’s the last day—the last day!” The last day of what? She couldn’t say. All she knew now was that if she were out of the cage, she wouldn’t mind at all that it wasn’t dark yet. She would have gone straight to Park Chambers and hung around there for as long as it took. She would have waited, stayed, called, asked, gone in, and sat on the stairs. What the day marked the end of was probably, in her heightened awareness, the series of golden ones, any chance to see the hazy sunlight streaming in at that angle into the smelly shop, any opportunity for him to still want to repeat those two words she had barely let him say in the Park. “See here—see here!”—the sound of those two words had been with her constantly; today, it echoed in her ears without mercy, growing louder and louder. What was it they expressed? What had he wanted her to see? She seemed to perfectly understand it now—if she just let it all go, if she found a great and beautiful courage, he would somehow make it all up to her. When the clock struck five, she was just about to tell Mr. Buckton that she was deathly ill and getting worse. This announcement was on her lips, and she had already practiced the pale, hard expression she would show him: “I can’t stay—I must go home. If I feel better later, I’ll come back. I’m very sorry, but I must go.” At that moment, Captain Everard appeared again, sparking in her troubled spirit, with his real presence, the strangest, quickest change. He interrupted her without knowing it, and by the time he had been in the shop for a minute, she felt saved.

That was from the first minute how she thought of it. There were again other persons with whom she was occupied, and again the situation could only be expressed by their silence. It was expressed, of a truth, in a larger phrase than ever yet, for her eyes now spoke to him with a kind of supplication. “Be quiet, be quiet!” they pleaded; and they saw his own reply: “I’ll do whatever you say; I won’t even look at you—see, see!” They kept conveying thus, with the friendliest liberality, that they wouldn’t look, quite positively wouldn’t. What she was to see was that he hovered at the other end of the counter, Mr. Buckton’s end, and surrendered himself again to that frustration. It quickly proved so great indeed that what she was to see further was how he turned away before he was attended to, and hung off, waiting, smoking, looking about the shop; how he went over to Mr. Cocker’s own counter and appeared to price things, gave in fact presently two or three orders and put down money, stood there a long time with his back to her, considerately abstaining from any glance round to see if she were free. It at last came to pass in this way that he had remained in the shop longer than she had ever yet known to do, and that, nevertheless, when he did turn about she could see him time himself—she was freshly taken up—and cross straight to her postal subordinate, whom some one else had released. He had in his hand all this while neither letters nor telegrams, and now that he was close to her—for she was close to the counter-clerk—it brought her heart into her mouth merely to see him look at her neighbour and open his lips. She was too nervous to bear it. He asked for a Post-Office Guide, and the young man whipped out a new one; whereupon he said he wished not to purchase, but only to consult one a moment; with which, the copy kept on loan being produced, he once more wandered off.

From the very first moment, that was how she viewed it. There were others around her that she engaged with, and once again, the situation could only be captured by their silence. In fact, it was conveyed in a larger expression than ever before, as her eyes now communicated a kind of plea to him. “Please be quiet, please be quiet!” they seemed to say, and she noticed his response: “I’ll do whatever you want; I won’t even look at you—see, see!” They kept expressing, quite generously, that they wouldn't look, absolutely wouldn’t. What she needed to see was that he lingered at the other end of the counter, Mr. Buckton’s end, resigning himself to that frustration again. It quickly became so intense that she saw him turn away before he was helped, leaning against the wall, waiting, smoking, and observing the shop; how he went over to Mr. Cocker’s counter and seemed to check prices, even placing two or three orders and handing over some money, standing there for a long time with his back to her, politely refraining from glancing around to see if she was available. Eventually, he ended up staying in the shop longer than she had ever seen him stay before, and yet, when he did turn around, she could tell he timed it—she was just getting involved—and walked straight to her postal coworker, who had been freed up by someone else. He hadn’t had letters or telegrams in his hand all this time, and now that he was close to her—since she was near the counter clerk—it made her heart race just to see him look at her colleague and start to speak. She was too anxious to handle it. He asked for a Post-Office Guide, and the young man quickly pulled out a new one; then he said he didn’t want to buy it, just needed to consult one for a moment; with that, the copy that could be borrowed was brought forward, and he wandered off again.

What was he doing to her? What did he want of her? Well, it was just the aggravation of his “See here!” She felt at this moment strangely and portentously afraid of him—had in her ears the hum of a sense that, should it come to that kind of tension, she must fly on the spot to Chalk Farm. Mixed with her dread and with her reflexion was the idea that, if he wanted her so much as he seemed to show, it might be after all simply to do for him the “anything” she had promised, the “everything” she had thought it so fine to bring out to Mr. Mudge. He might want her to help him, might have some particular appeal; though indeed his manner didn’t denote that—denoted on the contrary an embarrassment, an indecision, something of a desire not so much to be helped as to be treated rather more nicely than she had treated him the other time. Yes, he considered quite probably that he had help rather to offer than to ask for. Still, none the less, when he again saw her free he continued to keep away from her; when he came back with his Guide it was Mr. Buckton he caught—it was from Mr. Buckton he obtained half-a-crown’s-worth of stamps.

What was he doing to her? What did he want from her? It was just the irritation of his “Listen!” At that moment, she felt strangely and ominously afraid of him—she could almost hear a hum that told her, if things got that tense, she needed to run straight to Chalk Farm. Mixed with her fear and her thinking was the idea that if he wanted her as much as he seemed to, it might simply be to do the “anything” she had promised, the “everything” she had thought was so great to share with Mr. Mudge. He might want her help, might have a specific request; although his behavior didn’t really suggest that—instead, it hinted at an awkwardness, uncertainty, a desire not to be helped so much as to be treated better than she had treated him before. Yes, he probably thought he had more help to give than to ask for. Still, when he saw her available again, he kept his distance; when he returned with his Guide, it was Mr. Buckton he approached—it was from Mr. Buckton that he got half a crown’s worth of stamps.

After asking for the stamps he asked, quite as a second thought, for a postal-order for ten shillings. What did he want with so many stamps when he wrote so few letters? How could he enclose a postal-order in a telegram? She expected him, the next thing, to go into the corner and make up one of his telegrams—half a dozen of them—on purpose to prolong his presence. She had so completely stopped looking at him that she could only guess his movements—guess even where his eyes rested. Finally she saw him make a dash that might have been toward the nook where the forms were hung; and at this she suddenly felt that she couldn’t keep it up. The counter-clerk had just taken a telegram from a slavey, and, to give herself something to cover her, she snatched it out of his hand. The gesture was so violent that he gave her in return an odd look, and she also perceived that Mr. Buckton noticed it. The latter personage, with a quick stare at her, appeared for an instant to wonder whether his snatching it in his turn mightn’t be the thing she would least like, and she anticipated this practical criticism by the frankest glare she had ever given him. It sufficed: this time it paralysed him; and she sought with her trophy the refuge of the sounder.

After asking for the stamps, he casually requested a postal order for ten shillings. What did he need so many stamps for when he wrote so few letters? How could he send a postal order in a telegram? She expected him to step into the corner and put together one of his telegrams—maybe half a dozen—just to extend his stay. She had completely stopped looking at him, so she could only guess his movements—even where his eyes were focused. Finally, she saw him make a move that seemed to be toward the spot where the forms were displayed; at that moment, she suddenly felt she couldn't maintain her composure. The counter-clerk had just taken a telegram from a young girl, and to give herself something to do, she snatched it out of his hand. The action was so abrupt that he gave her a puzzled look, and she noticed Mr. Buckton noticed it too. He shot her a quick glance, seeming to wonder if snatching it back from him would be the last thing she wanted, and she preempted his judgment with the boldest glare she had ever given him. That did the trick: this time it froze him in place; and with her prize, she sought the safety of the sounder.

CHAPTER XXI.

It was repeated the next day; it went on for three days; and at the end of that time she knew what to think. When, at the beginning, she had emerged from her temporary shelter Captain Everard had quitted the shop; and he had not come again that evening, as it had struck her he possibly might—might all the more easily that there were numberless persons who came, morning and afternoon, numberless times, so that he wouldn’t necessarily have attracted attention. The second day it was different and yet on the whole worse. His access to her had become possible—she felt herself even reaping the fruit of her yesterday’s glare at Mr. Buckton; but transacting his business with him didn’t simplify—it could, in spite of the rigour of circumstance, feed so her new conviction. The rigour was tremendous, and his telegrams—not now mere pretexts for getting at her—were apparently genuine; yet the conviction had taken but a night to develop. It could be simply enough expressed; she had had the glimmer of it the day before in her idea that he needed no more help than she had already given; that it was help he himself was prepared to render. He had come up to town but for three or four days; he had been absolutely obliged to be absent after the other time; yet he would, now that he was face to face with her, stay on as much longer as she liked. Little by little it was thus clarified, though from the first flash of his re-appearance she had read into it the real essence.

It happened again the next day; it continued for three days; and by the end of that period, she understood what to think. When she first stepped out of her temporary shelter, Captain Everard had already left the shop; he hadn’t returned that evening, even though she thought he might—especially since there were countless people who came in and out, so he wouldn’t necessarily stand out. The second day was different but overall worse. He could now approach her—she felt like she was benefiting from her glare at Mr. Buckton the day before; but dealing with Mr. Buckton didn’t make things any easier—it actually helped reinforce her new belief, despite the harshness of the situation. The pressure was immense, and his telegrams—no longer just excuses to get to her—seemed to be genuine; yet her belief had only taken one night to develop. It could be simply stated; she had sensed it the previous day in thinking that he didn’t need any more help than what she had already provided; that it was help he was ready to give. He had come to the city for just three or four days; he had to be away the last time; but now that he was in front of her, he would stay as long as she wanted. Gradually, it became clearer, though she had sensed the true meaning of his return from the very beginning.

That was what the night before, at eight o’clock, her hour to go, had made her hang back and dawdle. She did last things or pretended to do them; to be in the cage had suddenly become her safety, and she was literally afraid of the alternate self who might be waiting outside. He might be waiting; it was he who was her alternate self, and of him she was afraid. The most extraordinary change had taken place in her from the moment of her catching the impression he seemed to have returned on purpose to give her. Just before she had done so, on that bewitched afternoon, she had seen herself approach without a scruple the porter at Park Chambers; then as the effect of the rush of a consciousness quite altered she had on at last quitting Cocker’s, gone straight home for the first time since her return from Bournemouth. She had passed his door every night for weeks, but nothing would have induced her to pass it now. This change was the tribute of her fear—the result of a change in himself as to which she needed no more explanation than his mere face vividly gave her; strange though it was to find an element of deterrence in the object that she regarded as the most beautiful in the world. He had taken it from her in the Park that night that she wanted him not to propose to her to sup; but he had put away the lesson by this time—he practically proposed supper every time he looked at her. This was what, for that matter, mainly filled the three days. He came in twice on each of these, and it was as if he came in to give her a chance to relent. That was after all, she said to herself in the intervals, the most that he did. There were ways, she fully recognised, in which he spared her, and other particular ways as to which she meant that her silence should be full to him of exquisite pleading. The most particular of all was his not being outside, at the corner, when she quitted the place for the night. This he might so easily have been—so easily if he hadn’t been so nice. She continued to recognise in his forbearance the fruit of her dumb supplication, and the only compensation he found for it was the harmless freedom of being able to appear to say: “Yes, I’m in town only for three or four days, but, you know, I would stay on.” He struck her as calling attention each day, each hour, to the rapid ebb of time; he exaggerated to the point of putting it that there were only two days more, that there was at last, dreadfully, only one.

That was what the night before, at eight o’clock, her time to leave, had made her hesitate and linger. She did final tasks or acted like she was doing them; being in the cage had suddenly felt safe, and she was genuinely afraid of the alternate self who might be waiting outside. He might be waiting; he was her alternate self, and she was scared of him. An incredible change had happened in her since she caught the hint he seemed to have come back on purpose to give her. Just before realizing it, on that enchanted afternoon, she had approached the porter at Park Chambers without any hesitation; then, feeling a rush of a completely altered awareness, she had finally gone straight home for the first time since returning from Bournemouth after leaving Cocker’s. She had passed his door every night for weeks, but nothing would have made her pass it now. This change was the result of her fear—the result of a change in him that she didn’t need any other explanation for than what his face vividly showed her; it was strange to find something deterring in the person she considered the most beautiful in the world. He had taken it from her in the Park that night that she didn’t want him to ask her to dinner, but by this time he had set that lesson aside—he practically proposed dinner every time he looked at her. This was mainly what filled the three days. He came in twice each day, as if he was giving her a chance to backtrack. That was, after all, she told herself during the moments in between, the most he did. There were ways, she fully recognized, in which he spared her, and other specific ways where she intended her silence to be full of subtle pleading. The most significant was that he wasn’t outside, at the corner, when she left for the night. He could have easily been there—so easily if he hadn’t been so considerate. She continued to see in his restraint the result of her silent plea, and the only reward he found for it was the harmless freedom to say: “Yes, I’m only in town for three or four days, but, you know, I would stay longer.” He seemed to remind her every day, every hour, of how quickly time was passing; he exaggerated to the point of suggesting there were only two days left, that there was now, terrifyingly, only one.

There were other things still that he struck her as doing with a special intention; as to the most marked of which—unless indeed it were the most obscure—she might well have marvelled that it didn’t seem to her more horrid. It was either the frenzy of her imagination or the disorder of his baffled passion that gave her once or twice the vision of his putting down redundant money—sovereigns not concerned with the little payments he was perpetually making—so that she might give him some sign of helping him to slip them over to her. What was most extraordinary in this impression was the amount of excuse that, with some incoherence, she found for him. He wanted to pay her because there was nothing to pay her for. He wanted to offer her things he knew she wouldn’t take. He wanted to show her how much he respected her by giving her the supreme chance to show him she was respectable. Over the dryest transactions, at any rate, their eyes had out these questions. On the third day he put in a telegram that had evidently something of the same point as the stray sovereigns—a message that was in the first place concocted and that on a second thought he took back from her before she had stamped it. He had given her time to read it and had only then bethought himself that he had better not send it. If it was not to Lady Bradeen at Twindle—where she knew her ladyship then to be—this was because an address to Doctor Buzzard at Brickwood was just as good, with the added merit of its not giving away quite so much a person whom he had still, after all, in a manner to consider. It was of course most complicated, only half lighted; but there was, discernibly enough, a scheme of communication in which Lady Bradeen at Twindle and Dr. Buzzard at Brickwood were, within limits, one and the same person. The words he had shown her and then taken back consisted, at all events, of the brief but vivid phrase “Absolutely impossible.” The point was not that she should transmit it; the point was just that she should see it. What was absolutely impossible was that before he had setted something at Cocker’s he should go either to Twindle or to Brickwood.

There were still other things about him that struck her as intentional; regarding the most obvious of these—unless it was actually the most subtle—she couldn't help but wonder why it didn’t seem more alarming to her. It was either her imagination running wild or the chaos of his frustrated desire that gave her a couple of glimpses of him laying down extra cash—sovereigns unrelated to the constant little payments he was making—so she could give him some signal to help him pass them to her. What was most surprising about this impression was how much understanding, albeit a bit jumbled, she found for him. He wanted to pay her even though there was nothing to pay her for. He wanted to offer her things he knew she wouldn’t accept. He wanted to show her how much he valued her by giving her the ultimate opportunity to prove to him that she was respectable. At the very least, their eyes had posed these questions over the most mundane transactions. On the third day, he sent a telegram that clearly had a similar significance as the stray sovereigns—a message that he initially crafted but then decided to take back from her before she had stamped it. He had allowed her time to read it and only then realized he shouldn’t send it. If it wasn’t addressed to Lady Bradeen at Twindle—where she knew her to be at that moment—it was because an address to Doctor Buzzard at Brickwood was just as valid, with the added advantage of not revealing too much about someone he still had to consider, in a way. It was, of course, quite complicated and only partially clear; however, there was enough discernible evidence of a communication scheme in which Lady Bradeen at Twindle and Dr. Buzzard at Brickwood were, to some extent, the same person. The words he had shown her and then taken back were, at any rate, succinct yet powerful: “Absolutely impossible.” The important part wasn’t that she should send it; the important part was that she should see it. What was absolutely impossible was that before he had settled something at Cocker’s, he could go to either Twindle or Brickwood.

The logic of this, in turn, for herself, was that she could lend herself to no settlement so long as she so intensely knew. What she knew was that he was, almost under peril of life, clenched in a situation: therefore how could she also know where a poor girl in the P.O. might really stand? It was more and more between them that if he might convey to her he was free, with all the impossible locked away into a closed chapter, her own case might become different for her, she might understand and meet him and listen. But he could convey nothing of the sort, and he only fidgeted and floundered in his want of power. The chapter wasn’t in the least closed, not for the other party; and the other party had a pull, somehow and somewhere: this his whole attitude and expression confessed, at the same time that they entreated her not to remember and not to mind. So long as she did remember and did mind he could only circle about and go and come, doing futile things of which he was ashamed. He was ashamed of his two words to Dr. Buzzard; he went out of the shop as soon as he had crumpled up the paper again and thrust it into his pocket. It had been an abject little exposure of dreadful impossible passion. He appeared in fact to be too ashamed to come back. He had once more left town, and a first week elapsed, and a second. He had had naturally to return to the real mistress of his fate; she had insisted—she knew how to insist, and he couldn’t put in another hour. There was always a day when she called time. It was known to our young friend moreover that he had now been dispatching telegrams from other offices. She knew at last so much that she had quite lost her earlier sense of merely guessing. There were no different shades of distinctness—it all bounced out.

The logic of this for her was that she couldn’t commit to any situation as long as she was so aware. What she knew was that he was, almost at the risk of his life, caught in a situation: so how could she also understand where a poor girl at the post office might really be? It was increasingly clear to them that if he could somehow let her know he was free, with everything impossible locked away in a closed chapter, her situation might change for her—she might grasp it, meet him, and listen. But he couldn’t communicate any of that, and he just fumbled around, lacking the power to do anything. The chapter was definitely not closed, not for the other party; and somehow that party had a hold over him: this was clear from his entire demeanor, even as it pleaded with her not to remember or care. As long as she did remember and did care, he could only circle around, come and go, doing pointless things that embarrassed him. He felt ashamed of his few words to Dr. Buzzard; he left the shop as soon as he crumpled the paper again and stuffed it in his pocket. It had been a pathetic little display of dreadful, impossible passion. He really seemed too embarrassed to come back. He left town again, and a week went by, then another. Naturally, he had to return to the true master of his fate; she had insisted—she knew how to insist, and he couldn’t put off another hour. There was always a day when she called it quits. Our young friend also knew that he had been sending telegrams from other offices. She finally knew enough that she had completely lost her earlier sense of just guessing. There were no varying shades of clarity—it all came out clearly.

CHAPTER XXII.

Eighteen days elapsed, and she had begun to think it probable she should never see him again. He too then understood now: he had made out that she had secrets and reasons and impediments, that even a poor girl at the P.O. might have her complications. With the charm she had cast on him lightened by distance he had suffered a final delicacy to speak to him, had made up his mind that it would be only decent to let her alone. Never so much as during these latter days had she felt the precariousness of their relation—the happy beautiful untroubled original one, if it could only have been restored—in which the public servant and the casual public only were concerned. It hung at the best by the merest silken thread, which was at the mercy of any accident and might snap at any minute. She arrived by the end of the fortnight at the highest sense of actual fitness, never doubting that her decision was now complete. She would just give him a few days more to come back to her on a proper impersonal basis—for even to an embarrassing representative of the casual public a public servant with a conscience did owe something—and then would signify to Mr. Mudge that she was ready for the little home. It had been visited, in the further talk she had had with him at Bournemouth, from garret to cellar, and they had especially lingered, with their respectively darkened brows, before the niche into which it was to be broached to her mother that she must find means to fit.

Eighteen days went by, and she started to think it was likely she'd never see him again. He understood now too: he realized she had secrets, reasons, and obstacles, that even a girl working at the post office could have her complications. With the charm she had cast on him faded by distance, he felt it was only polite to leave her alone. Never before in these last days had she felt the fragility of their relationship—the happy, beautiful, untroubled original one, if only it could have been restored—where only the public servant and casual public were involved. It hung by the thinnest silken thread, which was vulnerable to any mishap and could snap at any moment. By the end of the two weeks, she reached a clear sense of what was right, never doubting that her decision was final. She would give him just a few more days to return to her in a proper, impersonal way—for even an awkward representative of the casual public owed something to a public servant with a conscience—and then she would let Mr. Mudge know she was ready for their little home. They had talked about it in detail during their conversation in Bournemouth, from the top to the bottom, and they had especially paused, both looking thoughtful, before the moment it would need to be brought up to her mother, figuring out how to approach it.

He had put it to her more definitely than before that his calculations had allowed for that dingy presence, and he had thereby marked the greatest impression he had ever made on her. It was a stroke superior even again to his handling of the drunken soldier. What she considered that in the face of it she hung on at Cocker’s for was something she could only have described as the common fairness of a last word. Her actual last word had been, till it should be superseded, that she wouldn’t forsake her other friend, and it stuck to her through thick and thin that she was still at her post and on her honour. This other friend had shown so much beauty of conduct already that he would surely after all just re-appear long enough to relieve her, to give her something she could take away. She saw it, caught it, at times, his parting present; and there were moments when she felt herself sitting like a beggar with a hand held out to almsgiver who only fumbled. She hadn’t taken the sovereigns, but she would take the penny. She heard, in imagination, on the counter, the ring of the copper. “Don’t put yourself out any longer,” he would say, “for so bad a case. You’ve done all there is to be done. I thank and acquit and release you. Our lives take us. I don’t know much—though I’ve really been interested—about yours, but I suppose you’ve got one. Mine at any rate will take me—and where it will. Heigh-ho! Good-bye.” And then once more, for the sweetest faintest flower of all: “Only, I say—see here!” She had framed the whole picture with a squareness that included also the image of how again she would decline to “see there,” decline, as she might say, to see anywhere, see anything. Yet it befell that just in the fury of this escape she saw more than ever.

He had stated more clearly than before that his calculations had accounted for that grim presence, and this had left the biggest impression he had ever made on her. It was an even greater achievement than how he dealt with the drunken soldier. What she thought, despite everything, was that she was sticking around at Cocker’s for what she could only describe as the basic fairness of a final word. Her real last word had been, until something changed, that she wouldn’t abandon her other friend, and it remained clear to her through thick and thin that she was still committed and honoring that. This other friend had shown such admirable behavior already that he would surely reappear just long enough to help her, to give her something she could hold onto. She caught glimpses of it at times, his parting gift; and there were moments when she felt like a beggar with a hand outstretched to a donor who only fumbled around. She hadn’t taken the large coins, but she would take the small change. She imagined hearing the clink of the coins on the counter. “Don’t worry about it anymore,” he would say, “for such a lost cause. You’ve done all you can do. I thank you and release you. Our lives take us in different directions. I don’t know much—though I’ve really been interested—about yours, but I guess you have one. Mine will certainly lead me—wherever that is. Heigh-ho! Goodbye.” And then once again, for the sweetest, faintest part: “But wait—look here!” She had framed the entire scene with a clarity that also included the image of how she would again refuse to “look here,” refuse, as she might say, to look anywhere, to see anything. Yet in the height of this escape, she saw more than ever.

He came back one night with a rush, near the moment of their closing, and showed her a face so different and new, so upset and anxious, that almost anything seemed to look out of it but clear recognition. He poked in a telegram very much as if the simple sense of pressure, the distress of extreme haste, had blurred the remembrance of where in particular he was. But as she met his eyes a light came; it broke indeed on the spot into a positive conscious glare. That made up for everything, since it was an instant proclamation of the celebrated “danger”; it seemed to pour things out in a flood. “Oh yes, here it is—it’s upon me at last! Forget, for God’s sake, my having worried or bored you, and just help me, just save me, by getting this off without the loss of a second!” Something grave had clearly occurred, a crisis declared itself. She recognised immediately the person to whom the telegram was addressed—the Miss Dolman of Parade Lodge to whom Lady Bradeen had wired, at Dover, on the last occasion, and whom she had then, with her recollection of previous arrangements, fitted into a particular setting. Miss Dolman had figured before and not figured since, but she was now the subject of an imperative appeal. “Absolutely necessary to see you. Take last train Victoria if you can catch it. If not, earliest morning, and answer me direct either way.”

He rushed back one night just before closing time, showing her a face that was so different and new, so disturbed and anxious, that nothing seemed to register except a lack of clear recognition. He shoved a telegram at her, almost as if the urgency and stress had clouded his memory of where he actually was. But when she looked into his eyes, a spark lit up; it suddenly became a glaring realization. That made everything worthwhile, as it was an immediate declaration of the famous “danger”; it seemed to unleash a rush of emotions. “Oh yes, here it is—it’s finally hitting me! Please, for God’s sake, forget that I’ve worried or bored you, and just help me, just save me, by sending this off without wasting a second!” Clearly, something serious had happened; a crisis was unfolding. She immediately recognized who the telegram was for—the Miss Dolman of Parade Lodge, to whom Lady Bradeen had sent a wire in Dover earlier and whom she had previously placed in a specific context. Miss Dolman had been mentioned before but hadn’t been relevant since, yet now she was the focus of an urgent request. “Absolutely necessary to see you. Take the last train from Victoria if you can catch it. If not, the earliest morning train, and reply to me directly either way.”

“Reply paid?” said the girl. Mr. Buckton had just departed and the counter-clerk was at the sounder. There was no other representative of the public, and she had never yet, as it seemed to her, not even in the street or in the Park, been so alone with him.

“Reply paid?” the girl asked. Mr. Buckton had just left, and the clerk at the counter was at the sounder. There was no one else around, and it felt to her like she had never been so alone with him, not even in the street or in the park.

“Oh yes, reply paid, and as sharp as possible, please.”

“Oh yes, please reply with prepaid postage, and make it as quick as you can.”

She affixed the stamps in a flash. “She’ll catch the train!” she then declared to him breathlessly, as if she could absolutely guarantee it.

She quickly stuck on the stamps. “She’ll catch the train!” she then said to him breathlessly, as if she could totally guarantee it.

“I don’t know—I hope so. It’s awfully important. So kind of you. Awfully sharp, please.” It was wonderfully innocent now, his oblivion of all but his danger. Anything else that had ever passed between them was utterly out of it. Well, she had wanted him to be impersonal!

“I don’t know—I hope so. It’s really important. That’s so nice of you. Really sharp, please.” It was wonderfully innocent now, his complete focus on his own danger. Everything else that had ever happened between them was completely forgotten. Well, she had wanted him to be impersonal!

There was less of the same need therefore, happily, for herself; yet she only took time, before she flew to the sounder, to gasp at him: “You‘re in trouble?”

There was less of the same need for her, which was a relief; still, she paused for a moment before rushing to the sounder to gasp at him: “You’re in trouble?”

“Horrid, horrid—there’s a row!” But they parted, on it, in the next breath; and as she dashed at the sounder, almost pushing, in her violence, the counter-clerk off the stool, she caught the bang with which, at Cocker’s door, in his further precipitation, he closed the apron of the cab into which he had leaped. As he rebounded to some other precaution suggested by his alarm, his appeal to Miss Dolman flashed straight away.

“Awful, awful—there’s a fight!” But they broke apart right after that, and as she rushed toward the sound, nearly knocking the counter-clerk off his stool in her frenzy, she heard the loud slam with which, at Cocker’s door, he closed the cab’s apron after jumping in. As he bounced back to take some other precaution prompted by his fear, he immediately turned to Miss Dolman for help.

But she had not, on the morrow, been in the place five minutes before he was with her again, still more discomposed and quite, now, as she said to herself, like a frightened child coming to its mother. Her companions were there, and she felt it to be remarkable how, in the presence of his agitation, his mere scared exposed nature, she suddenly ceased to mind. It came to her as it had never come to her before that with absolute directness and assurance they might carry almost anything off. He had nothing to send—she was sure he had been wiring all over—and yet his business was evidently huge. There was nothing but that in his eyes—not a glimmer of reference or memory. He was almost haggard with anxiety and had clearly not slept a wink. Her pity for him would have given her any courage, and she seemed to know at last why she had been such a fool. “She didn’t come?” she panted.

But she hadn’t been in the place for even five minutes the next day before he was with her again, even more flustered and, as she thought to herself, like a scared child going to its mother. Her friends were there, and she found it striking how, in light of his distress and his frightened state, she suddenly stopped caring. It hit her, as it never had before, that they could face almost anything with total confidence and clarity. He had nothing to send—she was sure he had been sending messages everywhere—but his business was obviously enormous. That was all that showed in his eyes—not a hint of reference or memory. He looked almost worn out from worry and clearly hadn’t slept at all. Her sympathy for him would have given her any bravery, and she finally understood why she had been such a fool. “She didn’t come?” she gasped.

“Oh yes, she came; but there has been some mistake. We want a telegram.”

“Oh yes, she came; but there’s been some mistake. We need a telegram.”

“A telegram?”

"A text message?"

“One that was sent from here ever so long ago. There was something in it that has to be recovered. Something very, very important, please—we want it immediately.”

“One that was sent from here a long time ago. There’s something in it that needs to be recovered. Something really, really important, please—we need it right away.”

He really spoke to her as if she had been some strange young woman at Knightsbridge or Paddington; but it had no other effect on her than to give her the measure of his tremendous flurry. Then it was that, above all, she felt how much she had missed in the gaps and blanks and absent answers—how much she had had to dispense with: it was now black darkness save for this little wild red flare. So much as that she saw, so much her mind dealt with. One of the lovers was quaking somewhere out of town, and the other was quaking just where he stood. This was vivid enough, and after an instant she knew it was all she wanted. She wanted no detail, no fact—she wanted no nearer vision of discovery or shame. “When was your telegram? Do you mean you sent it from here?” She tried to do the young woman at Knightsbridge.

He really talked to her like she was just some random young woman at Knightsbridge or Paddington; but it only made her realize how flustered he was. In that moment, she recognized how much she had missed in the gaps and silences—how much she had to let go of: it was total darkness except for this little wild red flare. That was all she could see, and that was all her mind could process. One of the lovers was trembling somewhere outside the city, and the other was trembling right where he stood. It was vivid enough, and after a moment, she understood that it was all she wanted. She didn't want any details, no facts—she didn’t want a closer look at discovery or shame. “When did you send your telegram? Are you saying you sent it from here?” She tried to adopt the persona of the young woman at Knightsbridge.

“Oh yes, from here—several weeks ago. Five, six, seven”—he was confused and impatient—“don’t you remember?”

“Oh yeah, from here—several weeks ago. Five, six, seven”—he was confused and annoyed—“don’t you remember?”

“Remember?” she could scarcely keep out of her face, at the word, the strangest of smiles.

“Remember?” she could hardly hide the strange smile on her face at the word.

But the way he didn’t catch what it meant was perhaps even stranger still. “I mean, don’t you keep the old ones?”

But the way he didn’t understand what it meant was maybe even weirder. “I mean, don’t you keep the old ones?”

“For a certain time.”

“For a specific time.”

“But how long?”

“But how long will it take?”

She thought; she must do the young woman, and she knew exactly what the young woman would say and, still more, wouldn’t. “Can you give me the date?”

She thought; she has to help the young woman, and she knew exactly what the young woman would say and, even more, what she wouldn’t. “Can you give me the date?”

“Oh God, no! It was some time or other in August—toward the end. It was to the same address as the one I gave you last night.”

“Oh God, no! It was sometime in August—near the end. It was the same address as the one I gave you last night.”

“Oh!” said the girl, knowing at this the deepest thrill she had ever felt. It came to her there, with her eyes on his face, that she held the whole thing in her hand, held it as she held her pencil, which might have broken at that instant in her tightened grip. This made her feel like the very fountain of fate, but the emotion was such a flood that she had to press it back with all her force. That was positively the reason, again, of her flute-like Paddington tone. “You can’t give us anything a little nearer?” Her “little” and her “us” came straight from Paddington. These things were no false note for him—his difficulty absorbed them all. The eyes with which he pressed her, and in the depths of which she read terror and rage and literal tears, were just the same he would have shown any other prim person.

“Oh!” the girl exclaimed, feeling a thrill deeper than she’d ever experienced. In that moment, as she looked at his face, she realized she had everything in her hand, just like she held her pencil, which could have snapped in her tight grip. This made her feel like the source of all fate, but the overwhelming emotion forced her to hold it back with all her strength. That was definitely the reason for her flute-like Paddington tone. “Can’t you give us something a little closer?” Her “little” and “us” came straight from Paddington. These things weren’t a false note for him—his struggle consumed everything. The eyes with which he focused on her, filled with fear, anger, and real tears, were the same he would have shown to any other proper person.

“I don’t know the date. I only know the thing went from here, and just about the time I speak of. It wasn’t delivered, you see. We’ve got to recover it.”

“I don’t know the date. I only know that it left from here, and around the time I’m talking about. It wasn’t delivered, you see. We need to get it back.”

CHAPTER XXIII.

She was as struck with the beauty of his plural pronoun as she had judged he might be with that of her own; but she knew now so well what she was about that she could almost play with him and with her new-born joy. “You say ‘about the time you speak of.’ But I don’t think you speak of an exact time—do you?”

She was just as taken by the beauty of his plural pronoun as she had thought he might be by the beauty of hers; but now she knew so well what she was doing that she could almost tease him and enjoy her newfound happiness. “You say ‘about the time you’re referring to.’ But I don’t think you’re talking about a specific time—are you?”

He looked splendidly helpless. “That’s just what I want to find out. Don’t you keep the old ones?—can’t you look it up?”

He looked wonderfully helpless. “That’s exactly what I want to find out. Don’t you keep the old ones? Can’t you look it up?”

Our young lady—still at Paddington—turned the question over. “It wasn’t delivered?”

Our young woman—still at Paddington—considered the question. “It wasn’t delivered?”

“Yes, it was; yet, at the same time, don’t you know? it wasn’t.” He just hung back, but he brought it out. “I mean it was intercepted, don’t you know? and there was something in it.” He paused again and, as if to further his quest and woo and supplicate success and recovery, even smiled with an effort at the agreeable that was almost ghastly and that turned the knife in her tenderness. What must be the pain of it all, of the open gulf and the throbbing fever, when this was the mere hot breath? “We want to get what was in it—to know what it was.”

“Yes, it was; but at the same time, you know? it wasn’t.” He hesitated, but he brought it up. “I mean it was intercepted, you know? and there was something in it.” He paused again and, as if trying to further his search and earn success and recovery, he even smiled, but it was a forced smile that was almost unsettling and that cut deeply into her empathy. What must be the pain of it all, the vast emptiness and the intense anguish, when this was just the shallow heat of breath? “We want to find out what was in it—to see what it was.”

“I see—I see.” She managed just the accent they had at Paddington when they stared like dead fish. “And you have no clue?”

“I get it—I get it.” She mimicked the way they sounded at Paddington when they looked like confused zombies. “And you really have no idea?”

“Not at all—I’ve the clue I’ve just given you.”

“Not at all—I have the clue I just gave you.”

“Oh the last of August?” If she kept it up long enough she would make him really angry.

“Oh, the end of August?” If she kept it up long enough, she would make him truly angry.

“Yes, and the address, as I’ve said.”

“Yes, and the address, as I mentioned.”

“Oh the same as last night?”

“Oh, the same as last night?”

He visibly quivered, as with a gleam of hope; but it only poured oil on her quietude, and she was still deliberate. She ranged some papers. “Won’t you look?” he went on.

He visibly shook, as if filled with a glimmer of hope; but it only added to her calmness, and she remained unhurried. She organized some papers. “Won’t you take a look?” he continued.

“I remember your coming,” she replied.

"I remember when you arrived," she said.

He blinked with a new uneasiness; it might have begun to come to him, through her difference, that he was somehow different himself. “You were much quicker then, you know!”

He blinked with a fresh sense of unease; it might have started to dawn on him, through her difference, that he was somehow different himself. "You were a lot quicker back then, you know!"

“So were you—you must do me that justice,” she answered with a smile. “But let me see. Wasn’t it Dover?”

“So were you—you have to give me that credit,” she replied with a smile. “But let me think. Wasn’t it Dover?”

“Yes, Miss Dolman—”

"Yes, Ms. Dolman—"

“Parade Lodge, Parade Terrace?”

"Parade Lodge, Parade Terrace?"

“Exactly—thank you so awfully much!” He began to hope again. “Then you have it—the other one?”

“Exactly—thank you so much!” He started to feel hopeful again. “So you have it—the other one?”

She hesitated afresh; she quite dangled him. “It was brought by a lady?”

She hesitated again; she really kept him guessing. “It was brought by a lady?”

“Yes; and she put in by mistake something wrong. That’s what we’ve got to get hold of!” Heavens, what was he going to say?—flooding poor Paddington with wild betrayals! She couldn’t too much, for her joy, dangle him, yet she couldn’t either, for his dignity, warn or control or check him. What she found herself doing was just to treat herself to the middle way. “It was intercepted?”

“Yes; and she accidentally included something wrong. That’s what we need to figure out!” Goodness, what was he about to say?—overwhelming poor Paddington with crazy confessions! She couldn’t quite enjoy her triumph over him, yet she couldn’t ignore or restrain him either, for the sake of his dignity. What she ended up doing was just finding a balance. “Was it intercepted?”

“It fell into the wrong hands. But there’s something in it,” he continued to blurt out, “that may be all right. That is, if it’s wrong, don’t you know? It’s all right if it’s wrong,” he remarkably explained.

“It ended up with the wrong person. But there’s something in it,” he kept saying, “that might be okay. I mean, if it’s wrong, you know? It’s fine if it’s wrong,” he surprisingly explained.

What was he, on earth, going to say? Mr. Buckton and the counter-clerk were already interested; no one would have the decency to come in; and she was divided between her particular terror for him and her general curiosity. Yet she already saw with what brilliancy she could add, to carry the thing off, a little false knowledge to all her real. “I quite understand,” she said with benevolent, with almost patronising quickness. “The lady has forgotten what she did put.”

What was he, on earth, going to say? Mr. Buckton and the clerk at the counter were already interested; no one would have the decency to come in; and she felt torn between her specific worry for him and her overall curiosity. Yet she could already see how brilliantly she could enhance the situation by adding a bit of fake knowledge to all her real understanding. “I totally get it,” she said with a kind, almost condescending quickness. “The lady has forgotten what she did put.”

“Forgotten most wretchedly, and it’s an immense inconvenience. It has only just been found that it didn’t get there; so that if we could immediately have it—”

“Most unfortunate and it’s a huge hassle. It has just been discovered that it never actually got there; so if we could have it right away—”

“Immediately?”

"Right away?"

“Every minute counts. You have,” he pleaded, “surely got them on file?”

“Every minute counts. You have,” he pleaded, “surely you’ve got them on file?”

“So that you can see it on the spot?”

“So you can check it out right away?”

“Yes, please—this very minute.” The counter rang with his knuckles, with the knob of his stick, with his panic of alarm. “Do, do hunt it up!” he repeated.

“Yes, please—right now.” He tapped the counter with his knuckles, with the tip of his stick, his alarm evident. “Please, please find it!” he urged again.

“I dare say we could get it for you,” the girl weetly returned.

“I think we could get it for you,” the girl sweetly replied.

“Get it?”—he looked aghast. “When?”

“Got it?”—he looked shocked. “When?”

“Probably by to-morrow.”

“Probably by tomorrow.”

“Then it isn’t here?”—his face was pitiful.

“Then it’s not here?”—his expression was sad.

She caught only the uncovered gleams that peeped out of the blackness, and she wondered what complication, even among the most supposable, the very worst, could be bad enough to account for the degree of his terror. There were twists and turns, there were places where the screw drew blood, that she couldn’t guess. She was more and more glad she didn’t want to. “It has been sent on.”

She only noticed the glimmers that shone through the darkness, and she thought about what kind of complicated situation, even the worst imaginable, could explain the level of his fear. There were twists and turns, places where things got painful, that she couldn’t figure out. She was increasingly relieved that she didn’t want to. “It has been sent on.”

“But how do you know if you don’t look?”

“But how can you know if you don’t look?”

She gave him a smile that was meant to be, in the absolute irony of its propriety, quite divine. “It was August 23rd, and we’ve nothing later here than August 27th.”

She gave him a smile that was meant to be, in the complete irony of its propriety, pretty divine. “It was August 23rd, and we have nothing later here than August 27th.”

Something leaped into his face. “27th—23rd? Then you’re sure? You know?”

Something jumped into his face. “27th—23rd? So you’re sure? You know?”

She felt she scarce knew what—as if she might soon be pounced upon for some lurid connexion with a scandal. It was the queerest of all sensations, for she had heard, she had read, of these things, and the wealth of her intimacy with them at Cocker’s might be supposed to have schooled and seasoned her. This particular one that she had really quite lived with was, after all, an old story; yet what it had been before was dim and distant beside the touch under which she now winced. Scandal?—it had never been but a silly word. Now it was a great tense surface, and the surface was somehow Captain Everard’s wonderful face. Deep down in his eyes a picture, a scene—a great place like a chamber of justice, where, before a watching crowd, a poor girl, exposed but heroic, swore with a quavering voice to a document, proved an alibi, supplied a link. In this picture she bravely took her place. “It was the 23rd.”

She felt like she barely knew what was going on—as if she might soon be caught up in some scandalous situation. It was the strangest feeling, since she had heard and read about these things, and her deep familiarity with them at Cocker’s should have prepared her. This particular experience that she had really lived through was, after all, an old story; yet what it had been before felt vague and far away compared to how she now reacted. Scandal?—it had always seemed like a silly word. Now it felt like a huge, tense surface, and that surface somehow belonged to Captain Everard’s striking face. Deep in his eyes was a vivid image, a scene—a grand setting like a courtroom, where, in front of an audience, a vulnerable but brave girl, trembling, swore to a document, provided an alibi, and offered a connection. In this scene, she boldly took her place. “It was the 23rd.”

“Then can’t you get it this morning—or some time to-day?”

“Can’t you get it this morning—or sometime today?”

She considered, still holding him with her look, which she then turned on her two companions, who were by this time unreservedly enlisted. She didn’t care—not a scrap, and she glanced about for a piece of paper. With this she had to recognise the rigour of official thrift—a morsel of blackened blotter was the only loose paper to be seen. “Have you got a card?” she said to her visitor. He was quite away from Paddington now, and the next instant, pocket-book in hand, he had whipped a card out. She gave no glance at the name on it—only turned it to the other side. She continued to hold him, she felt at present, as she had never held him; and her command of her colleagues was for the moment not less marked. She wrote something on the back of the card and pushed it across to him.

She focused on him, still holding his gaze, then shifted her attention to her two companions, who were now fully on board. She didn’t care at all and looked around for a piece of paper. Unfortunately, she had to acknowledge the strictness of official budgeting—only a bit of stained blotter was lying around. “Do you have a card?” she asked her visitor. He was well away from Paddington now, and in the next moment, with his wallet in hand, he pulled out a card. She didn’t even glance at the name on it—just flipped it over. She felt like she was holding him in a way she never had before; her control over her colleagues was clear at that moment. She wrote something on the back of the card and slid it over to him.

He fairly glared at it. “Seven, nine, four—”

He stared at it intensely. “Seven, nine, four—”

“Nine, six, one”—she obligingly completed the number. “Is it right?” she smiled.

“Nine, six, one,” she willingly finished the number. “Is that correct?” she smiled.

He took the whole thing in with a flushed intensity; then there broke out in him a visibility of relief that was simply a tremendous exposure. He shone at them all like a tall lighthouse, embracing even, for sympathy, the blinking young men. “By all the powers—it’s wrong!” And without another look, without a word of thanks, without time for anything or anybody, he turned on them the broad back of his great stature, straightened his triumphant shoulders, and strode out of the place.

He took it all in with a heated intensity; then a wave of relief washed over him that was completely obvious. He beamed at everyone like a tall lighthouse, even including the blinking young men out of sympathy. “By all that’s holy—it’s wrong!” And without a second glance, without a word of thanks, without a moment for anything or anyone, he turned his broad back to them, straightened his triumphant shoulders, and walked out of the place.

She was left confronted with her habitual critics. “‘If it’s wrong it’s all right!’” she extravagantly quoted to them.

She found herself facing her usual critics. “‘If it’s wrong, it’s all right!’” she dramatically quoted to them.

The counter-clerk was really awe-stricken. “But how did you know, dear?”

The clerk at the counter was completely shocked. “But how did you know, dear?”

“I remembered, love!”

“I remember, love!”

Mr. Buckton, on the contrary, was rude. “And what game is that, miss?”

Mr. Buckton, on the other hand, was rude. “And what game is that, miss?”

No happiness she had ever known came within miles of it, and some minutes elapsed before she could recall herself sufficiently to reply that it was none of his business.

No happiness she had ever experienced came close to this, and it took her a few minutes to gather her thoughts enough to respond that it wasn't his concern.

CHAPTER XXIV.

If life at Cocker’s, with the dreadful drop of August, had lost something of its savour, she had not been slow to infer that a heavier blight had fallen on the graceful industry of Mrs. Jordan.

If life at Cocker’s, with the awful dip in August, had lost some of its appeal, she quickly realized that a more serious setback had affected the elegant business of Mrs. Jordan.

With Lord Rye and Lady Ventnor and Mrs. Bubb all out of town, with the blinds down on all the homes of luxury, this ingenious woman might well have found her wonderful taste left quite on her hands. She bore up, however, in a way that began by exciting much of her young friend’s esteem; they perhaps even more frequently met as the wine of life flowed less free from other sources, and each, in the lack of better diversion, carried on with more mystification for the other an intercourse that consisted not a little in peeping out and drawing back. Each waited for the other to commit herself, each profusely curtained for the other the limits of low horizons. Mrs. Jordan was indeed probably the more reckless skirmisher; nothing could exceed her frequent incoherence unless it was indeed her occasional bursts of confidence. Her account of her private affairs rose and fell like a flame in the wind—sometimes the bravest bonfire and sometimes a handful of ashes. This our young woman took to be an effect of the position, at one moment and another, of the famous door of the great world. She had been struck in one of her ha’penny volumes with the translation of a French proverb according to which such a door, any door, had to be either open or shut; and it seemed part of the precariousness of Mrs. Jordan’s life that hers mostly managed to be neither. There had been occasions when it appeared to gape wide—fairly to woo her across its threshold; there had been others, of an order distinctly disconcerting, when it was all but banged in her face. On the whole, however, she had evidently not lost heart; these still belonged to the class of things in spite of which she looked well. She intimated that the profits of her trade had swollen so as to float her through any state of the tide, and she had, besides this, a hundred profundities and explanations.

With Lord Rye, Lady Ventnor, and Mrs. Bubb all out of town and the blinds drawn in all the fancy homes, this resourceful woman might have found her amazing taste going to waste. However, she held up in a way that initially earned a lot of respect from her young friend; they ended up meeting more often as the excitement of life faded from other sources, and each, lacking better entertainment, engaged in a more mysterious interaction that involved a lot of peeking out and pulling back. Each waited for the other to take a step forward, each carefully setting the limits for the other with their low expectations. Mrs. Jordan was probably the more daring one; nothing could match her frequent confusion except for her occasional moments of boldness. Her stories about her personal life fluctuated wildly—sometimes a blazing bonfire, other times just a pile of ashes. The young woman thought this reflected the uncertain nature of the famous door to the outside world. She had read in one of her cheap books a French proverb suggesting that any door must be either open or shut; it seemed part of Mrs. Jordan’s unstable life that hers mostly managed to be neither. There had been times when it seemed wide open—enticing her to step through; then there were moments, quite unsettling, when it almost slammed in her face. Overall, however, she clearly hadn’t lost hope; despite everything, she still appeared to be doing well. She hinted that her business had grown enough to carry her through any ups and downs, and on top of that, she had a hundred insights and explanations.

She rose superior, above all, on the happy fact that there were always gentlemen in town and that gentlemen were her greatest admirers; gentlemen from the City in especial—as to whom she was full of information about the passion and pride excited in such breasts by the elements of her charming commerce. The City men did, in short, go in for flowers. There was a certain type of awfully smart stockbroker—Lord Rye called them Jews and bounders, but she didn’t care—whose extravagance, she more than once threw out, had really, if one had any conscience, to be forcibly restrained. It was not perhaps a pure love of beauty: it was a matter of vanity and a sign of business; they wished to crush their rivals, and that was one of their weapons. Mrs. Jordan’s shrewdness was extreme; she knew in any case her customer—she dealt, as she said, with all sorts; and it was at the worst a race for her—a race even in the dull months—from one set of chambers to another. And then, after all, there were also still the ladies; the ladies of stockbroking circles were perpetually up and down. They were not quite perhaps Mrs. Bubb or Lady Ventnor; but you couldn’t tell the difference unless you quarrelled with them, and then you knew it only by their making-up sooner. These ladies formed the branch of her subject on which she most swayed in the breeze; to that degree that her confidant had ended with an inference or two tending to banish regret for opportunities not embraced. There were indeed tea-gowns that Mrs. Jordan described—but tea-gowns were not the whole of respectability, and it was odd that a clergyman’s widow should sometimes speak as if she almost thought so. She came back, it was true, unfailingly to Lord Rye, never, evidently, quite losing sight of him even on the longest excursions. That he was kindness itself had become in fact the very moral it all pointed—pointed in strange flashes of the poor woman’s nearsighted eyes. She launched at her young friend portentous looks, solemn heralds of some extraordinary communication. The communication itself, from week to week, hung fire; but it was to the facts over which it hovered that she owed her power of going on. “They are, in one way and another,” she often emphasised, “a tower of strength”; and as the allusion was to the aristocracy the girl could quite wonder why, if they were so in “one way,” they should require to be so in two. She thoroughly knew, however, how many ways Mrs. Jordan counted in. It all meant simply that her fate was pressing her close. If that fate was to be sealed at the matrimonial altar it was perhaps not remarkable that she shouldn’t come all at once to the scratch of overwhelming a mere telegraphist. It would necessarily present to such a person a prospect of regretful sacrifice. Lord Rye—if it was Lord Rye—wouldn’t be “kind” to a nonentity of that sort, even though people quite as good had been.

She felt superior, especially because there were always gentlemen in town and those gentlemen were her biggest fans; particularly the guys from the City—about whom she had plenty of insights on how her charming business stirred passion and pride in their hearts. The City men really did have a thing for flowers. There was a certain type of really flashy stockbroker—Lord Rye called them Jews and bounders, but she didn’t care—whose spending habits she occasionally remarked had to be kept in check if one had any sense of responsibility. It wasn't necessarily pure appreciation of beauty; it was more about vanity and business; they wanted to outperform their competitors, and that was one of their tactics. Mrs. Jordan was extremely shrewd; she knew her customers well—she catered, as she liked to say, to all sorts; and it was essentially a constant race for her—even during the slow months—going from one office to another. Plus, there were also the ladies; the ladies from the stockbroking circles were always coming and going. They might not have been exactly Mrs. Bubb or Lady Ventnor; but you couldn’t really tell the difference unless you had a falling out with them, and then you only noticed because they made up faster. These ladies were the part of her business she felt most comfortable navigating; to the point that her confidant had come to some conclusions that eased any regret over missed opportunities. Mrs. Jordan did indeed talk about tea gowns—but tea gowns weren't the entirety of respectability, and it was strange that a clergyman’s widow would sometimes speak as if she nearly believed they were. It was true that she always returned to Lord Rye, never seeming to lose sight of him even on her longest outings. His kindness had become, in fact, the very moral of the story—pointed out in surprising flashes from the poor woman’s near-sighted eyes. She would give her young friend significant looks, as if signaling some important news. The news itself, from week to week, always seemed to be just out of reach; but it was the realities surrounding it that kept her going. “They are, in one way or another,” she often stressed, “a tower of strength”; and since the reference was to the aristocracy, the girl couldn’t help but wonder why, if they were so strong in “one way,” they needed to be so in two. She knew perfectly how many ways Mrs. Jordan counted in. It all just meant that her fate was closing in on her. If that fate was meant to be sealed at the altar, it wasn’t surprising that she wouldn’t rush into overshadowing a mere telegraph operator. That would likely seem to her a regretful sacrifice. Lord Rye—if it was indeed Lord Rye—wouldn't be “kind” to someone so insignificant, even though others just as good had been.

One Sunday afternoon in November they went, by arrangement, to church together; after which—on the inspiration of the moment the arrangement had not included it—they proceeded to Mrs. Jordan’s lodging in the region of Maida Vale. She had raved to her friend about her service of predilection; she was excessively “high,” and had more than once wished to introduce the girl to the same comfort and privilege. There was a thick brown fog and Maida Vale tasted of acrid smoke; but they had been sitting among chants and incense and wonderful music, during which, though the effect of such things on her mind was great, our young lady had indulged in a series of reflexions but indirectly related to them. One of these was the result of Mrs. Jordan’s having said to her on the way, and with a certain fine significance, that Lord Rye had been for some time in town. She had spoken as if it were a circumstance to which little required to be added—as if the bearing of such an item on her life might easily be grasped. Perhaps it was the wonder of whether Lord Rye wished to marry her that made her guest, with thoughts straying to that quarter, quite determine that some other nuptials also should take place at Saint Julian’s. Mr. Mudge was still an attendant at his Wesleyan chapel, but this was the least of her worries—it had never even vexed her enough for her to so much as name it to Mrs. Jordan. Mr. Mudge’s form of worship was one of several things—they made up in superiority and beauty for what they wanted in number—that she had long ago settled he should take from her, and she had now moreover for the first time definitely established her own. Its principal feature was that it was to be the same as that of Mrs. Jordan and Lord Rye; which was indeed very much what she said to her hostess as they sat together later on. The brown fog was in this hostess’s little parlour, where it acted as a postponement of the question of there being, besides, anything else than the teacups and a pewter pot and a very black little fire and a paraffin lamp without a shade. There was at any rate no sign of a flower; it was not for herself Mrs. Jordan gathered sweets. The girl waited till they had had a cup of tea—waited for the announcement that she fairly believed her friend had, this time, possessed herself of her formally at last to make; but nothing came, after the interval, save a little poke at the fire, which was like the clearing of a throat for a speech.

One Sunday afternoon in November, they went to church together as planned; afterward—on a sudden impulse that wasn’t part of the plan—they headed to Mrs. Jordan’s place in Maida Vale. She had raved to her friend about her favorite service; it was extremely “high,” and she had often wanted to introduce the girl to the same comfort and privilege. There was a thick brown fog, and Maida Vale smelled of harsh smoke; but they had been sitting among chants, incense, and beautiful music, during which, despite the strong effect of these things on her mind, the young lady reflected on thoughts that only loosely related to them. One of these thoughts came from Mrs. Jordan saying to her on the way, with a certain meaningful tone, that Lord Rye had been in town for a while. She spoke as if it were an important detail that didn’t need much explanation—as if the impact of this news on her life was obvious. Perhaps it was the curiosity about whether Lord Rye wanted to marry her that led her to decide that some other wedding should also happen at Saint Julian’s. Mr. Mudge still attended his Wesleyan chapel, but she wasn’t too concerned about that—it had never bothered her enough for her to even mention it to Mrs. Jordan. Mr. Mudge’s way of worship was one of several things she had long ago decided he could take from her, and now she had definitively established her own. Its main feature was that it was going to be the same as Mrs. Jordan’s and Lord Rye’s; this was basically what she said to her hostess as they sat together later on. The brown fog was in the hostess’s small parlor, creating a delay in discussing whether there was anything besides the teacups, a pewter pot, a very small black fire, and a shade-less paraffin lamp. There was certainly no sign of flowers; Mrs. Jordan didn’t gather sweets for herself. The girl waited until they had finished a cup of tea—waiting for the announcement that she was sure her friend was finally going to make; but after the interval, all that came was a little poke at the fire, like someone clearing their throat to speak.

CHAPTER XXV.

“I think you must have heard me speak of Mr. Drake?” Mrs. Jordan had never looked so queer, nor her smile so suggestive of a large benevolent bite.

“I think you must have heard me talk about Mr. Drake?” Mrs. Jordan had never looked so strange, nor had her smile ever seemed so much like a big, friendly grin.

“Mr. Drake? Oh yes; isn’t he a friend of Lord Rye?”

“Mr. Drake? Oh, yes; isn’t he friends with Lord Rye?”

“A great and trusted friend. Almost—I may say—a loved friend.”

“A great and trusted friend. Almost—I can say—a beloved friend.”

Mrs. Jordan’s “almost” had such an oddity that her companion was moved, rather flippantly perhaps, to take it up. “Don’t people as good as love their friends when they I trust them?”

Mrs. Jordan’s “almost” had such a peculiarity that her companion was prompted, perhaps a bit casually, to respond. “Don’t people pretty much love their friends when they trust them?”

It pulled up a little the eulogist of Mr. Drake. “Well, my dear, I love you—”

It pulled up a little the eulogist of Mr. Drake. “Well, my dear, I love you—”

“But you don’t trust me?” the girl unmercifully asked.

“But you don’t trust me?” the girl asked without mercy.

Again Mrs. Jordan paused—still she looked queer. “Yes,” she replied with a certain austerity; “that’s exactly what I’m about to give you rather a remarkable proof of.” The sense of its being remarkable was already so strong that, while she bridled a little, this held her auditor in a momentary muteness of submission. “Mr. Drake has rendered his lordship for several years services that his lordship has highly appreciated and that make it all the more—a—unexpected that they should, perhaps a little suddenly, separate.”

Again, Mrs. Jordan paused—she still looked a bit strange. “Yes,” she replied with some seriousness; “that’s exactly what I’m about to give you quite a remarkable proof of.” The feeling that it was remarkable was already so strong that, while she held back just a bit, this kept her listener in a brief silence of acceptance. “Mr. Drake has provided his lordship with services that he has greatly appreciated for several years, which makes it all the more—unexpected that they should, perhaps a little suddenly, part ways.”

“Separate?” Our young lady was mystified, but she tried to be interested; and she already saw that she had put the saddle on the wrong horse. She had heard something of Mr. Drake, who was a member of his lordship’s circle—the member with whom, apparently, Mrs. Jordan’s avocations had most happened to throw her. She was only a little puzzled at the “separation.” “Well, at any rate,” she smiled, “if they separate as friends—!”

“Separate?” Our young lady was confused, but she tried to stay engaged; she realized she had backed the wrong horse. She had heard something about Mr. Drake, who was part of his lordship’s circle—the one Mrs. Jordan had unexpectedly crossed paths with the most. She was only a bit puzzled by the “separation.” “Well, at least,” she smiled, “if they separate as friends—!”

“Oh his lordship takes the greatest interest in Mr. Drake’s future. He’ll do anything for him; he has in fact just done a great deal. There must, you know, be changes—!”

“Oh, his lordship is really invested in Mr. Drake’s future. He’ll do whatever it takes for him; in fact, he has already done a lot. There has, you know, to be changes—!”

“No one knows it better than I,” the girl said. She wished to draw her interlocutress out. “There will be changes enough for me.”

“No one knows it better than me,” the girl said. She wanted to get her conversation partner to open up. “There will be plenty of changes for me.”

“You’re leaving Cocker’s?”

"Are you leaving Cocker's?"

The ornament of that establishment waited a moment to answer, and then it was indirect. “Tell me what you’re doing.”

The decoration of that place paused for a moment before responding, and then it was vague. “Just tell me what you’re up to.”

“Well, what will you think of it?”

“Well, what do you think about it?”

“Why that you’ve found the opening you were always so sure of.”

“Why now that you’ve found the opportunity you were always so sure of.”

Mrs. Jordan, on this, appeared to muse with embarrassed intensity. “I was always sure, yes—and yet I often wasn’t!”

Mrs. Jordan, on this, seemed to think deeply, clearly embarrassed. “I was always sure, yes—and yet I often wasn’t!”

“Well, I hope you’re sure now. Sure, I mean, of Mr. Drake.”

“Well, I hope you’re sure now. I mean, sure about Mr. Drake.”

“Yes, my dear, I think I may say I am. I kept him going till I was.”

“Yes, my dear, I think I can say I am. I kept him going until I was.”

“Then he’s yours?”

"So, he's yours now?"

“My very own.”

"My own."

“How nice! And awfully rich?” our young woman went on.

“How nice! And really rich?” our young woman continued.

Mrs. Jordan showed promptly enough that she loved for higher things. “Awfully handsome—six foot two. And he has put by.”

Mrs. Jordan made it clear that she was aiming for better things. “Super handsome—six foot two. And he does have some savings.”

“Quite like Mr. Mudge, then!” that gentleman’s friend rather desperately exclaimed.

“Just like Mr. Mudge, then!” the gentleman’s friend exclaimed desperately.

“Oh not quite!” Mr. Drake’s was ambiguous about it, but the name of Mr. Mudge had evidently given her some sort of stimulus. “He’ll have more opportunity now, at any rate. He’s going to Lady Bradeen.”

“Oh not quite!” Mr. Drake was unclear about it, but the mention of Mr. Mudge clearly sparked something in her. “He’ll have more chances now, in any case. He’s going to Lady Bradeen.”

“To Lady Bradeen?” This was bewilderment. “‘Going—’?”

“To Lady Bradeen?” This was confusing. “‘Going—’?”

The girl had seen, from the way Mrs. Jordan looked at her, that the effect of the name had been to make her let something out. “Do you know her?”

The girl could tell, from the way Mrs. Jordan looked at her, that the mention of the name had caused her to reveal something. “Do you know her?”

She floundered, but she found her feet. “Well, you’ll remember I’ve often told you that if you’ve grand clients I have them too.”

She struggled at first, but then gained her confidence. “Well, you know I've told you many times that if you have high-profile clients, I have them too.”

“Yes,” said Mrs. Jordan; “but the great difference is that you hate yours, whereas I really love mine. Do you know Lady Bradeen?” she pursued.

“Yes,” said Mrs. Jordan; “but the big difference is that you hate yours, while I genuinely love mine. Do you know Lady Bradeen?” she continued.

“Down to the ground! She’s always in and out.”

“Get down! She’s always coming and going.”

Mrs. Jordan’s foolish eyes confessed, in fixing themselves on this sketch, to a degree of wonder and even of envy. But she bore up and, with a certain gaiety, “Do you hate her?” she demanded.

Mrs. Jordan’s foolish eyes revealed, as they focused on this sketch, a level of wonder and even envy. But she held it together and, with a hint of cheerfulness, asked, “Do you hate her?”

Her visitor’s reply was prompt. “Dear no!—not nearly so much as some of them. She’s too outrageously beautiful.”

Her visitor replied quickly. “Oh no! Not nearly as much as some of them. She’s just way too stunning.”

Mrs. Jordan continued to gaze. “Outrageously?”

Mrs. Jordan kept staring. “Really?”

“Well, yes; deliciously.” What was really delicious was Mrs. Jordan’s vagueness. “You don’t know her—you’ve not seen her?” her guest lightly continued.

“Well, yes; deliciously.” What was really delicious was Mrs. Jordan’s vagueness. “You don’t know her—you haven’t seen her?” her guest casually continued.

“No, but I’ve heard a great deal about her.”

“No, but I’ve heard a lot about her.”

“So have I!” our young lady exclaimed.

“So have I!” our young lady said.

Jordan looked an instant as if she suspected her good faith, or at least her seriousness. “You know some friend—?”

Jordan looked for a moment like she doubted her sincerity, or at least her seriousness. “You know some friend—?”

“Of Lady Bradeen’s? Oh yes—I know one.”

“About Lady Bradeen’s? Oh yeah—I know one.”

“Only one?”

"Just one?"

The girl laughed out. “Only one—but he’s so intimate.”

The girl laughed. “Just one—but he’s really close to me.”

Mrs. Jordan just hesitated. “He’s a gentleman?”

Mrs. Jordan just paused. “He’s a gentleman?”

“Yes, he’s not a lady.”

“Yes, he’s not a woman.”

Her interlocutress appeared to muse. “She’s immensely surrounded.”

Her conversation partner seemed to think for a moment. “She’s really surrounded.”

“She will be—with Mr. Drake!”

“She will be—with Mr. Drake!”

Mrs. Jordan’s gaze became strangely fixed. “Is she very good-looking?”

Mrs. Jordan's stare became oddly intense. "Is she really attractive?"

“The handsomest person I know.”

“The most attractive person I know.”

Mrs. Jordan continued to contemplate. “Well, I know some beauties.” Then with her odd jerkiness: “Do you think she looks good?” she inquired.

Mrs. Jordan kept thinking. “Well, I know some pretty things.” Then with her usual awkwardness: “Do you think she looks good?” she asked.

“Because that’s not always the case with the good-looking?”—the other took it up. “No, indeed, it isn’t: that’s one thing Cocker’s has taught me. Still, there are some people who have everything. Lady Bradeen, at any rate, has enough: eyes and a nose and a mouth, a complexion, a figure—”

“Because that’s not always the case with the good-looking?”—the other continued. “No, not at all: that’s one thing Cocker’s has taught me. Still, there are some people who have it all. Lady Bradeen, for sure, has enough: eyes, a nose, a mouth, a complexion, a figure—”

“A figure?” Mrs. Jordan almost broke in.

“A figure?” Mrs. Jordan nearly interrupted.

“A figure, a head of hair!” The girl made a little conscious motion that seemed to let the hair all down, and her companion watched the wonderful show. “But Mr. Drake is another—?”

“A figure, a head of hair!” The girl made a small, deliberate movement that seemed to let all her hair down, and her companion watched the amazing display. “But Mr. Drake is another—?”

“Another?”—Mrs. Jordan’s thoughts had to come back from a distance.

“Another?”—Mrs. Jordan’s thoughts had to return from a distance.

“Of her ladyship’s admirers. He’s ‘going,’ you say, to her?”

“Isn’t he one of her ladyship’s admirers? You’re saying he’s ‘going’ to see her?”

At this Mrs. Jordan really faltered. “She has engaged him.”

At this, Mrs. Jordan really hesitated. “She has engaged him.”

“Engaged him?”—our young woman was quite at sea.

“Engaged him?”—our young woman was completely confused.

“In the same capacity as Lord Rye.”

“In the same role as Lord Rye.”

“And was Lord Rye engaged?”

"Was Lord Rye engaged?"

CHAPTER XXVI.

Mrs. Jordan looked away from her now—looked, she thought, rather injured and, as if trifled with, even a little angry. The mention of Lady Bradeen had frustrated for a while the convergence of our heroine’s thoughts; but with this impression of her old friend’s combined impatience and diffidence they began again to whirl round her, and continued it till one of them appeared to dart at her, out of the dance, as if with a sharp peck. It came to her with a lively shock, with a positive sting, that Mr. Drake was—could it be possible? With the idea she found herself afresh on the edge of laughter, of a sudden and strange perversity of mirth. Mr. Drake loomed, in a swift image, before her; such a figure as she had seen in open doorways of houses in Cocker’s quarter—majestic, middle-aged, erect, flanked on either side by a footman and taking the name of a visitor. Mr. Drake then verily was a person who opened the door! Before she had time, however, to recover from the effect of her evocation, she was offered a vision which quite engulfed it. It was communicated to her somehow that the face with which she had seen it rise prompted Mrs. Jordan to dash, a bit wildly, at something, at anything, that might attenuate criticism. “Lady Bradeen’s re-arranging—she’s going to be married.”

Mrs. Jordan looked away from her now—she felt a bit hurt and, as if she’d been provoked, even a little angry. The mention of Lady Bradeen had briefly interrupted our heroine’s thoughts; but with the impression of her old friend's mix of impatience and shyness, they started to swirl around her again, continuing until one of them seemed to dart at her, like a sharp jab. It hit her with a lively shock, a real sting, that Mr. Drake was—could it really be? With that thought, she found herself on the brink of laughter, a sudden and strange urge to giggle. Mr. Drake appeared, in a quick image, before her; just like a figure she’d seen in open doorways of houses in Cocker’s quarter—majestic, middle-aged, upright, flanked by a footman and announcing himself as a visitor. Mr. Drake really was a person who opened the door! Before she could fully recover from that thought, she was hit with a new vision that completely overwhelmed it. Somehow, she sensed that the expression she had seen emerging prompted Mrs. Jordan to rush, somewhat wildly, toward anything that might soften criticism. “Lady Bradeen’s rearranging—she’s going to get married.”

“Married?” The girl echoed it ever so softly, but there it was at last.

“Married?” The girl repeated it quietly, but there it was at last.

“Didn’t you know it?”

"Didn't you know that?"

She summoned all her sturdiness. “No, she hasn’t told me.”

She gathered all her strength. “No, she hasn’t told me.”

“And her friends—haven’t they?”

“And her friends—right?”

“I haven’t seen any of them lately. I’m not so fortunate as you.”

"I haven’t seen any of them lately. I’m not as lucky as you."

Mrs. Jordan gathered herself. “Then you haven’t even heard of Lord Bradeen’s death?”

Mrs. Jordan composed herself. “So you haven’t even heard about Lord Bradeen’s death?”

Her comrade, unable for a moment to speak, gave a slow headshake. “You know it from Mr. Drake?” It was better surely not to learn things at all than to learn them by the butler.

Her friend, momentarily speechless, slowly shook his head. “You found out from Mr. Drake?” It was definitely better not to find out at all than to hear it from the butler.

“She tells him everything.”

"She shares everything with him."

“And he tells you—I see.” Our young lady got up; recovering her muff and her gloves she smiled. “Well, I haven’t unfortunately any Mr. Drake. I congratulate you with all my heart. Even without your sort of assistance, however, there’s a trifle here and there that I do pick up. I gather that if she’s to marry any one it must quite necessarily be my friend.”

“And he tells you—I see.” Our young lady got up; grabbing her muff and gloves, she smiled. “Well, I don’t have any Mr. Drake, unfortunately. I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart. Even without your kind of help, there are a few things here and there that I do pick up. I get the feeling that if she’s going to marry anyone, it has to be my friend.”

Mrs. Jordan was now also on her feet. “Is Captain Everard your friend?”

Mrs. Jordan was now on her feet. “Are you friends with Captain Everard?”

The girl considered, drawing on a glove. “I saw, at one time, an immense deal of him.”

The girl thought for a moment while putting on a glove. “I used to see a lot of him.”

Mrs. Jordan looked hard at the glove, but she hadn’t after all waited for that to be sorry it wasn’t cleaner. “What time was that?”

Mrs. Jordan stared at the glove, but she hadn’t really waited to feel sorry that it wasn’t cleaner. “What time was that?”

“It must have been the time you were seeing so much of Mr. Drake.” She had now fairly taken it in: the distinguished person Mrs. Jordan was to marry would answer bells and put on coals and superintend, at least, the cleaning of boots for the other distinguished person whom she might—well, whom she might have had, if she had wished, so much more to say to. “Good-bye,” she added; “good-bye.”

“It must have been when you were spending so much time with Mr. Drake.” She had fully processed it now: the impressive person Mrs. Jordan was going to marry would answer the door, stoke the fire, and at least supervise the cleaning of boots for the other impressive person she could—well, she could have definitely said much more to if she had wanted to. “Goodbye,” she added; “goodbye.”

Mrs. Jordan, however, again taking her muff from her, turned it over, brushed it off and thoughtfully peeped into it. “Tell me this before you go. You spoke just now of your own changes. Do you mean that Mr. Mudge—?”

Mrs. Jordan, however, once again taking her muff from her, turned it over, brushed it off, and thoughtfully peeked inside. “Before you leave, tell me this. You just mentioned your own changes. Are you saying that Mr. Mudge—?”

“Mr. Mudge has had great patience with me—he has brought me at last to the point. We’re to be married next month and have a nice little home. But he’s only a grocer, you know”—the girl met her friend’s intent eyes—“so that I’m afraid that, with the set you’ve got into, you won’t see your way to keep up our friendship.”

“Mr. Mudge has been very patient with me—he finally got me to this point. We’re getting married next month and will have a nice little home. But he’s just a grocer, you know”—the girl looked into her friend’s focused eyes—“so I’m worried that, with the group you’re hanging out with, you might not want to continue our friendship.”

Mrs. Jordan for a moment made no answer to this; she only held the muff up to her face, after which she gave it back. “You don’t like it. I see, I see.”

Mrs. Jordan paused for a moment and didn't respond; she just held the muff up to her face, then handed it back. “You don’t like it. I get it, I get it.”

To her guest’s astonishment there were tears now in her eyes. “I don’t like what?” the girl asked.

To her guest’s surprise, there were now tears in her eyes. “What don’t I like?” the girl asked.

“Why my engagement. Only, with your great cleverness,” the poor lady quavered out, “you put it in your own way. I mean that you’ll cool off. You already have—!” And on this, the next instant, her tears began to flow. She succumbed to them and collapsed; she sank down again, burying her face and trying to smother her sobs.

“Why my engagement? Only, with your great cleverness,” the poor lady said shakily, “you put it in your own way. I mean that you’ll cool off. You already have—!” And with that, in the next moment, her tears began to fall. She gave in to them and collapsed; she sank down again, burying her face and trying to stifle her sobs.

Her young friend stood there, still in some rigour, but taken much by surprise even if not yet fully moved to pity. “I don’t put anything in any ‘way,’ and I’m very glad you’re suited. Only, you know, you did put to me so splendidly what, even for me, if I had listened to you, it might lead to.”

Her young friend stood there, still a bit shocked, but caught off guard even if not fully feeling sorry yet. “I don’t put anything in any 'way,' and I'm really glad you're happy together. It's just that, you know, you explained things to me so well that, even for me, if I had listened to you, it could lead to something.”

Mrs. Jordan kept up a mild thin weak wail; then, drying her eyes, as feebly considered this reminder. “It has led to my not starving!” she faintly gasped.

Mrs. Jordan let out a soft, weak wail; then, drying her eyes, she weakly pondered this reminder. “It’s kept me from starving!” she faintly gasped.

Our young lady, at this, dropped into the place beside her, and now, in a rush, the small silly misery was clear. She took her hand as a sign of pitying it, then, after another instant, confirmed this expression with a consoling kiss. They sat there together; they looked out, hand in hand, into the damp dusky shabby little room and into the future, of no such very different suggestion, at last accepted by each. There was no definite utterance, on either side, of Mr. Drake’s position in the great world, but the temporary collapse of his prospective bride threw all further necessary light; and what our heroine saw and felt for in the whole business was the vivid reflexion of her own dreams and delusions and her own return to reality. Reality, for the poor things they both were, could only be ugliness and obscurity, could never be the escape, the rise. She pressed her friend—she had tact enough for that—with no other personal question, brought on no need of further revelations, only just continued to hold and comfort her and to acknowledge by stiff little forbearances the common element in their fate. She felt indeed magnanimous in such matters; since if it was very well, for condolence or reassurance, to suppress just then invidious shrinkings, she yet by no means saw herself sitting down, as she might say, to the same table with Mr. Drake. There would luckily, to all appearance, be little question of tables; and the circumstance that, on their peculiar lines, her friend’s interests would still attach themselves to Mayfair flung over Chalk Farm the first radiance it had shown. Where was one’s pride and one’s passion when the real way to judge of one’s luck was by making not the wrong but the right comparison? Before she had again gathered herself to go she felt very small and cautious and thankful. “We shall have our own house,” she said, “and you must come very soon and let me show it you.”

Our young lady dropped down next to her, and suddenly, the small silly sadness was obvious. She took her hand as a gesture of sympathy, then, after a moment, confirmed this with a comforting kiss. They sat together, hand in hand, looking out into the damp, gloomy little room and into a future that didn’t seem very different, which they both finally accepted. There was no clear discussion about Mr. Drake’s standing in the world, but the sudden fall of his intended partner shed all the necessary light on the situation; what our heroine saw and felt in all of this was a vivid reflection of her own dreams and illusions and her own return to reality. For the two of them, reality could only mean ugliness and obscurity, never a way out or an ascent. She squeezed her friend’s hand—she had enough tact for that—without asking any personal questions, avoiding the need for further revelations, just continuing to hold and comfort her while silently acknowledging the shared element in their fate. She felt indeed generous in such matters; for while it was good to suppress any envious feelings for the moment, she certainly did not see herself sitting down, so to speak, at the same table as Mr. Drake. Fortunately, it seemed like there would be little talk of tables; and the fact that, in their unique situations, her friend’s interests would still connect to Mayfair cast a glow over Chalk Farm that it hadn't seen before. Where was one’s pride and passion when the real way to judge one's luck was by making not the wrong but the right comparison? Before she composed herself to leave, she felt very small, cautious, and grateful. “We will have our own house,” she said, “and you must come soon so I can show it to you.”

We shall have our own too,” Mrs. Jordan replied; “for, don’t you know? he makes it a condition that he sleeps out?”

We will have our own too,” Mrs. Jordan replied; “because, don’t you know? he makes it a condition that he sleeps outside?”

“A condition?”—the girl felt out of it.

“A condition?”—the girl felt numb.

“For any new position. It was on that he parted with Lord Rye. His lordship can’t meet it. So Mr. Drake has given him up.”

“For any new position. That’s when he parted ways with Lord Rye. His lordship can’t take it on. So Mr. Drake has let him go.”

“And all for you?”—our young woman put it as cheerfully as possible.

“And all for you?” our young woman asked as cheerfully as she could.

“For me and Lady Bradeen. Her ladyship’s too glad to get him at any price. Lord Rye, out of interest in us, has in fact quite made her take him. So, as I tell you, he will have his own establishment.”

“For me and Lady Bradeen. She’s so eager to get him at any cost. Lord Rye, out of concern for us, has basically made her take him. So, as I’m telling you, he’ll have his own setup.”

Mrs. Jordan, in the elation of it, had begun to revive; but there was nevertheless between them rather a conscious pause—a pause in which neither visitor nor hostess brought out a hope or an invitation. It expressed in the last resort that, in spite of submission and sympathy, they could now after all only look at each other across the social gulf. They remained together as if it would be indeed their last chance, still sitting, though awkwardly, quite close, and feeling also—and this most unmistakeably—that there was one thing more to go into. By the time it came to the surface, moreover, our young friend had recognised the whole of the main truth, from which she even drew again a slight irritation. It was not the main truth perhaps that most signified; but after her momentary effort, her embarrassment and her tears Mrs. Jordan had begun to sound afresh—and even without speaking—the note of a social connexion. She hadn’t really let go of it that she was marrying into society. Well, it was a harmless compensation, and it was all the prospective bride of Mr. Mudge had to leave with her.

Mrs. Jordan, feeling a surge of happiness, had started to perk up; however, there was still a noticeable pause between them—a moment in which neither the guest nor the hostess said anything hopeful or made any invitations. It ultimately signified that, despite their willingness to comply and show empathy, they could now only look at each other across the social divide. They stayed together, as if it was truly their last opportunity, still sitting close, albeit awkwardly, and also feeling—most unmistakably—that there was one more issue to address. By the time it surfaced, our young friend had recognized the entire main truth, from which she felt a slight annoyance. It might not have been the most significant truth, but after her brief struggle, embarrassment, and tears, Mrs. Jordan had begun to resonate again—and even without saying a word—with the note of a social connection. She hadn’t really let go of the fact that she was marrying into society. Well, it was a harmless consolation, and it was all that the future bride of Mr. Mudge had to take with her.

CHAPTER XXVII.

This young lady at last rose again, but she lingered before going. “And has Captain Everard nothing to say to it?”

This young woman finally got up again, but she hesitated before leaving. “And doesn’t Captain Everard have anything to say about it?”

“To what, dear?”

"To what, darling?"

“Why, to such questions—the domestic arrangements, things in the house.”

“Why, when it comes to those questions—the household setup, things in the house.”

“How can he, with any authority, when nothing in the house is his?”

“How can he have any authority when nothing in the house is his?”

“Not his?” The girl wondered, perfectly conscious of the appearance she thus conferred on Mrs. Jordan of knowing, in comparison with herself, so tremendously much about it. Well, there were things she wanted so to get at that she was willing at last, though it hurt her, to pay for them with humiliation. “Why are they not his?”

“Not his?” the girl thought, fully aware of how much more knowledgeable Mrs. Jordan seemed in comparison to her. There were things she really wanted to understand, so she was finally willing to endure some humiliation to get answers. “Why aren’t they his?”

“Don’t you know, dear, that he has nothing?”

“Don’t you realize, dear, that he has nothing?”

“Nothing?” It was hard to see him in such a light, but Mrs. Jordan’s power to answer for it had a superiority that began, on the spot, to grow. “Isn’t he rich?”

“Nothing?” It was difficult to view him that way, but Mrs. Jordan’s ability to speak for it had a confidence that started to increase right then and there. “Isn’t he wealthy?”

Mrs. Jordan looked immensely, looked both generally and particularly, informed. “It depends upon what you call—! Not at any rate in the least as she is. What does he bring? Think what she has. And then, love, his debts.”

Mrs. Jordan looked very much, looked both generally and specifically, knowledgeable. “It depends on what you mean—! Not at all in the least as she is. What does he have to offer? Consider what she has. And then, sweetheart, his debts.”

“His debts?” His young friend was fairly betrayed into helpless innocence. She could struggle a little, but she had to let herself go; and if she had spoken frankly she would have said: “Do tell me, for I don’t know so much about him as that!” As she didn’t speak frankly she only said: “His debts are nothing—when she so adores him.”

“His debts?” His young friend was genuinely caught off guard. She could put up a bit of resistance, but she had to surrender; and if she had been honest, she would have said: “Please tell me, because I don’t know that much about him!” Instead of being straightforward, she just said: “His debts don’t matter—especially when she loves him that much.”

Mrs. Jordan began to fix her again, and now she saw that she must only take it all. That was what it had come to: his having sat with her there on the bench and under the trees in the summer darkness and put his hand on her, making her know what he would have said if permitted; his having returned to her afterwards, repeatedly, with supplicating eyes and a fever in his blood; and her having, on her side, hard and pedantic, helped by some miracle and with her impossible condition, only answered him, yet supplicating back, through the bars of the cage,—all simply that she might hear of him, now for ever lost, only through Mrs. Jordan, who touched him through Mr. Drake, who reached him through Lady Bradeen. “She adores him—but of course that wasn’t all there was about it.”

Mrs. Jordan started to fix her again, and now she realized that she had to accept everything. That was what it had come to: him sitting with her on the bench and under the trees in the summer darkness, placing his hand on her, making her aware of what he would have said if he could; him returning to her repeatedly afterwards, with pleading eyes and a burning desire; and her, on her end, being hard and pedantic, somehow assisted by her impossible situation, only responding to him, yet pleading back, through the bars of the cage—all just so she could hear about him, now forever lost, only through Mrs. Jordan, who connected with him through Mr. Drake, who reached him through Lady Bradeen. “She adores him—but of course that wasn’t all there was to it.”

The girl met her eyes a minute, then quite surrendered. “What was there else about it?”

The girl locked eyes for a moment, then completely gave in. “What else was there to it?”

“Why, don’t you know?”—Mrs. Jordan was almost compassionate.

“Why, don’t you know?”—Mrs. Jordan was nearly sympathetic.

Her interlocutress had, in the cage, sounded depths, but there was a suggestion here somehow of an abyss quite measureless. “Of course I know she would never let him alone.”

Her conversation partner had, in the cage, explored depths, but there was a hint here of an endless abyss. “Of course, I know she would never leave him alone.”

“How could she—fancy!—when he had so compromised her?”

“How could she—imagine!—when he had so compromised her?”

The most artless cry they had ever uttered broke, at this, from the younger pair of lips. “Had he so—?”

The most innocent cry they had ever made broke from the younger pair of lips. “Did he really—?”

“Why, don’t you know the scandal?”

“Why, don't you know about the scandal?”

Our heroine thought, recollected there was something, whatever it was, that she knew after all much more of than Mrs. Jordan. She saw him again as she had seen him come that morning to recover the telegram—she saw him as she had seen him leave the shop. She perched herself a moment on this. “Oh there was nothing public.”

Our heroine thought back and realized there was something—whatever it was—that she actually knew a lot more about than Mrs. Jordan. She pictured him again, just like when he had come that morning to get the telegram—she saw him the same way she had seen him leave the shop. She paused for a moment on this. “Oh, there was nothing public.”

“Not exactly public—no. But there was an awful scare and an awful row. It was all on the very point of coming out. Something was lost—something was found.”

“Not exactly public—no. But there was a huge scare and a big scene. It was all about to come out. Something was lost—something was found.”

“Ah yes,” the girl replied, smiling as if with the revival of a blurred memory; “something was found.”

“Ah yes,” the girl said, smiling as if some faded memory had come back to her; “something was found.”

“It all got about—and there was a point at which Lord Bradeen had to act.”

“It all came to a head—and there was a moment when Lord Bradeen had to take action.”

“Had to—yes. But he didn’t.”

"Had to—yes. But he didn't."

Mrs. Jordan was obliged to admit it. “No, he didn’t. And then, luckily for them, he died.”

Mrs. Jordan had to admit it. “No, he didn’t. And then, luckily for them, he died.”

“I didn’t know about his death,” her companion said.

“I didn’t know about his death,” her friend said.

“It was nine weeks ago, and most sudden. It has given them a prompt chance.”

“It was nine weeks ago, and it happened very suddenly. It gave them a quick opportunity.”

“To get married?”—this was a wonder—“within nine weeks?”

“To get married?”—this was surprising—“in just nine weeks?”

“Oh not immediately, but—in all the circumstances—very quietly and, I assure you, very soon. Every preparation’s made. Above all she holds him.”

“Oh, not right away, but—in all the circumstances—very quietly and, I promise you, very soon. Everything is ready. Most importantly, she has him.”

“Oh yes, she holds him!” our young friend threw off. She had this before her again a minute; then she continued: “You mean through his having made her talked about?”

“Oh yes, she’s got him!” our young friend exclaimed. She had this in mind again for a moment; then she continued: “You mean because he got her some attention?”

“Yes, but not only that. She has still another pull.”

“Yes, but that's not all. She has another advantage.”

“Another?”

"Another one?"

Mrs. Jordan hesitated. “Why, he was in something.”

Mrs. Jordan hesitated. “Well, he was in something.”

Her comrade wondered. “In what?”

Her friend wondered. “In what?”

“I don’t know. Something bad. As I tell you, something was found.”

“I don’t know. Something bad. Like I said, something was found.”

The girl stared. “Well?”

The girl stared. “So?”

“It would have been very bad for him. But, she helped him some way—she recovered it, got hold of it. It’s even said she stole it!”

“It would have been really bad for him. But she helped him somehow—she got it back, managed to retrieve it. Some even say she stole it!”

Our young woman considered afresh. “Why it was what was found that precisely saved him.”

Our young woman thought again. “It was what was discovered that exactly saved him.”

Mrs. Jordan, however, was positive. “I beg your pardon. I happen to know.”

Mrs. Jordan, however, was certain. “Excuse me. I actually know.”

Her disciple faltered but an instant. “Do you mean through Mr. Drake? Do they tell him these things?”

Her student hesitated for a moment. “Are you talking about Mr. Drake? Do they actually tell him these things?”

“A good servant,” said Mrs. Jordan, now thoroughly superior and proportionately sententious, “doesn’t need to be told! Her ladyship saved—as a woman so often saves!—the man she loves.”

“A good servant,” said Mrs. Jordan, now completely self-important and fittingly preachy, “doesn’t need to be told! Her lady saved—as a woman so often does!—the man she loves.”

This time our heroine took longer to recover herself, but she found a voice at last. “Ah well—of course I don’t know! The great thing was that he got off. They seem then, in a manner,” she added, “to have done a great deal for each other.”

This time our heroine took longer to collect herself, but she finally found her voice. “Oh well—of course I have no idea! The important thing is that he got away. It seems like, in a way,” she added, “they have really done a lot for one another.”

“Well, it’s she that has done most. She has him tight.”

“Well, she’s the one who has done the most. She has him wrapped around her finger.”

“I see, I see. Good-bye.” The women had already embraced, and this was not repeated; but Mrs. Jordan went down with her guest to the door of the house. Here again the younger lingered, reverting, though three or four other remarks had on the way passed between them, to Captain Everard and Lady Bradeen. “Did you mean just now that if she hadn’t saved him, as you call it, she wouldn’t hold him so tight?”

“I see, I see. Bye for now.” The women had already hugged, and they didn’t do it again; but Mrs. Jordan walked her guest to the door of the house. Once again, the younger woman lingered, returning, even after three or four other comments had passed between them, to Captain Everard and Lady Bradeen. “Did you mean earlier that if she hadn’t saved him, as you put it, she wouldn’t hold on to him so tightly?”

“Well, I dare say.” Mrs. Jordan, on the doorstep, smiled with a reflexion that had come to her; she took one of her big bites of the brown gloom. “Men always dislike one when they’ve done one an injury.”

“Well, I must say.” Mrs. Jordan, standing on the doorstep, smiled with a realization that had come to her; she took one of her big bites of the brown gloom. “Men always dislike you when they've wronged you.”

“But what injury had he done her?”

“But what harm had he caused her?”

“The one I’ve mentioned. He must marry her, you know.”

“The one I talked about. He has to marry her, you know.”

“And didn’t he want to?”

“And didn’t he wish to?”

“Not before.”

“Not yet.”

“Not before she recovered the telegram?”

“Not before she got the telegram back?”

Mrs. Jordan was pulled up a little. “Was it a telegram?”

Mrs. Jordan sat up slightly. “Was it a text message?”

The girl hesitated. “I thought you said so. I mean whatever it was.”

The girl paused. “I thought you said that. I mean, whatever it was.”

“Yes, whatever it was, I don’t think she saw that.”

“Yes, whatever it was, I don’t think she saw that.”

“So she just nailed him?”

“So she just got him?”

“She just nailed him.” The departing friend was now at the bottom of the little flight of steps; the other was at the top, with a certain thickness of fog. “And when am I to think of you in your little home?—next month?” asked the voice from the top.

“She just nailed him.” The friend leaving was now at the bottom of the small set of steps; the other was at the top, surrounded by a thick layer of fog. “So when should I think of you in your little home?—next month?” asked the voice from above.

“At the very latest. And when am I to think of you in yours?”

“At the very latest. And when should I think of you in yours?”

“Oh even sooner. I feel, after so much talk with you about it, as if I were already there!” Then “Good-bye!” came out of the fog.

“Oh even sooner. I feel, after so much talking with you about it, like I’m already there!” Then “Good-bye!” came out of the fog.

“Good-bye!” went into it. Our young lady went into it also, in the opposed quarter, and presently, after a few sightless turns, came out on the Paddington canal. Distinguishing vaguely what the low parapet enclosed she stopped close to it and stood a while very intently, but perhaps still sightlessly, looking down on it. A policeman; while she remained, strolled past her; then, going his way a little further and half lost in the atmosphere, paused and watched her. But she was quite unaware—she was full of her thoughts. They were too numerous to find a place just here, but two of the number may at least be mentioned. One of these was that, decidedly, her little home must be not for next month, but for next week; the other, which came indeed as she resumed her walk and went her way, was that it was strange such a matter should be at last settled for her by Mr. Drake

“Goodbye!” she said, stepping into it. Our young lady entered from the other side and soon, after a few blind turns, found herself by the Paddington canal. Vaguely sensing what the low wall enclosed, she paused near it and stood quietly, perhaps still lost in thought, looking down at it. A policeman strolled by while she stood there; then, moving a bit further and somewhat enveloped in the surroundings, he paused to observe her. But she was completely unaware—she was wrapped up in her own thoughts. There were too many to sort out right now, but at least two of them are worth mentioning. One was that her little home needed to be ready not next month, but next week; the other, which came to her as she continued walking, was that it was odd for Mr. Drake to finally settle such a matter for her.


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