This is a modern-English version of Nonsense Books, originally written by Lear, Edward. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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NONSENSE BOOKS

By Edward Lear.

Nonsense Books

With all the Original Illustrations.

With all the original illustrations.

1894.

A Book of Nonsense Nonsense Songs, Stories, etc More Nonsense Pictures, etc. Laughable Lyrics
1894 Covers— Click for larger versions.

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1894 Covers— Click for bigger versions.

PUBLISHERS' NOTICE:
The first "Book of Nonsense" was published in 1846. Three other volumes,—"Nonsense Songs, Stories, etc.," published in 1871; "More Nonsense Pictures, etc.," in 1872; and "Laughable Lyrics: A Fresh Book of Nonsense, etc.," in 1877,—comprise all the "Nonsense Books" written by Mr. Lear.

PUBLISHERS' NOTICE:
The first "Book of Nonsense" was published in 1846. Three other volumes— "Nonsense Songs, Stories, etc.," published in 1871; "More Nonsense Pictures, etc.," in 1872; and "Laughable Lyrics: A Fresh Book of Nonsense, etc.," in 1877—make up all the "Nonsense Books" written by Mr. Lear.

Without a doubt, the most generous and innocent book ever written is the "Book of Nonsense," along with its delightful songs, which are unique, refreshing, and perfectly rhythmic. I truly can't think of any author I'm more thankful to for my leisurely habits than Edward Lear. I will place him at the top of my list of a hundred authors.

—JOHN RUSKIN,
In the "List of the Best Hundred Authors."

—JOHN RUSKIN,
In the "List of the Best Hundred Authors."

Qui Legit Regit.

Qui Legit Regit.
Edward Lear. Engraved by Andrew From a Photograph Taken In San Remo, by Roncarolo.

EDWARD LEAR
Engraved by Andrew From a Photograph Taken In San Remo, by Roncarolo.

EDWARD LEAR
Engraved by Andrew from a photograph taken in San Remo, by Roncarolo.
 

The following lines by Mr. Lear were written for a young lady of his acquaintance, who had quoted to him the words of a young lady not of his acquaintance,

The following lines by Mr. Lear were written for a young lady he knew, who had quoted to him the words of a young lady he did not know,

"HOW PLEASANT TO KNOW MR. LEAR!"



"How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!"
Who has written such volumes of stuff! Some think him ill-tempered and queer,
But a few think him pleasant enough.

"How nice it is to know Mr. Lear!"
Who has written so many books! Some people believe he is grumpy and strange,
But a few people find him really enjoyable.

His mind is concrete and fastidious,
His nose is remarkably big; His visage is more or less hideous,
His beard it resembles a wig.

His mind is practical and meticulous,
His nose is really big; His face is somewhat unattractive,
His beard looks like a fake one.

He has ears, and two eyes, and ten fingers,
Leastways if you reckon two thumbs; Long ago he was one of the singers,
But now he is one of the dumbs.

He has ears, two eyes, and ten fingers,
At least if you include two thumbs; A long time ago he was one of the singers,
But now he's one of the quiet ones.

He sits in a beautiful parlor,
With hundreds of books on the wall; He drinks a great deal of Marsala,
But never gets tipsy at all.

He sits in a lovely living room,
With hundreds of books on the shelf; He drinks a lot of Marsala,
But never gets drunk.

 How Pleasant to Know Mr. Lear!

He has many friends, lay men and clerical,
Old Foss is the name of his cat; His body is perfectly spherical,
He weareth a runcible hat.

He has a lot of friends, both regular folks and religious ones,
He calls his cat Old Foss; His body is completely round,
He wears a stylish hat.

When he walks in waterproof white,
The children run after him so! Calling out, "He's come out in his night-
Gown, that crazy old Englishman, oh!"

When he walks in his waterproof white,
The kids chase after him like they're in a frenzy! Calling out, "He’s come out in his night-
"Gown, that eccentric old Englishman, oh!"

He weeps by the side of the ocean,
He weeps on the top of the hill; He purchases pancakes and lotion,
And chocolate shrimps from the mill.

He cries by the edge of the ocean,
He cries at the top of the hill; He buys pancakes and lotion,
And chocolate shrimp from the mill.

He reads, but he cannot speak, Spanish,
He cannot abide ginger beer: Ere the days of his pilgrimage vanish,
How pleasant to know Mr. Lear!

He reads, but he can’t speak Spanish,
He hates ginger beer. Before the days of his journey disappear,
It's great to know Mr. Lear!



 

INTRODUCTION.

Edward Lear, the artist, Author of "Journals of a Landscape Painter" in various out-of-the-way countries, and of the delightful "Books of Nonsense," which have amused successive generations of children, died on Sunday, January 29, 1888, at San Remo, Italy, where he had lived for twenty years. Few names could evoke a wider expression of passing regret at their appearance in the obituary column; for until his health began to fail he was known to an immense and almost a cosmopolitan circle of acquaintance, and popular wherever he was known. Fewer still could call up in the minds of intimate friends a deeper and more enduring feeling of sorrow for personal loss, mingled with the pleasantest of memories; for it was impossible to know him thoroughly and not to love him. London, Rome, the Mediterranean countries generally, Ceylon and India, are still all dotted with survivors among his generation who will mourn for him affectionately, although his latter years were spent in comparatively close retirement. He was a man of striking nobility of nature, fearless, independent, energetic, given to forming for himself strong opinions, often hastily, sometimes bitterly; not always strong or sound in judgment, but always seeking after truth in every matter, and following it as he understood it in scorn of consequence; utterly unselfish, devoted to his friends, generous even to extravagance towards any one who had ever been connected with his fortunes or his travels; playful, light-hearted, witty, and humorous, but not without those occasional fits of black depression and nervous irritability to which such temperaments are liable.

Edward Lear, the artist and author of "Journals of a Landscape Painter" in various remote countries, as well as the delightful "Books of Nonsense" that have entertained generations of children, passed away on Sunday, January 29, 1888, in San Remo, Italy, where he had lived for twenty years. Few names could trigger such a widespread expression of regret in the obituary column; until his health began to decline, he was well-known among a vast and nearly global circle of friends and was beloved wherever he was recognized. Even fewer could evoke in close friends a deeper and more lasting sense of sorrow for personal loss, mixed with fond memories; for it was impossible to know him well and not love him. London, Rome, the Mediterranean countries in general, Ceylon, and India still have many who will mourn him affectionately among his contemporaries, even though his later years were spent in relative seclusion. He was a man of striking nobility, fearless, independent, and energetic, often forming strong opinions for himself—sometimes hastily and occasionally bitterly; he wasn’t always strong or sound in judgment, but he always sought the truth in every matter and pursued it as he understood it, regardless of the consequences. He was completely unselfish, devoted to his friends, generous to the point of extravagance toward anyone connected to his fortunes or travels; playful, light-hearted, witty, and humorous, but also prone to bouts of deep depression and nervous irritability that such personalities are often susceptible to.

Great and varied as the merits of his pictures are, Lear hardly succeeded in achieving any great popularity as a landscape-painter. His work was frequently done on private commission, and he rarely sent in pictures for the Academy or other exhibitions. His larger and more highly finished landscapes were unequal in technical perfection,—sometimes harsh or cold in color, or stiff in composition; sometimes full of imagination, at others literal and prosaic,—but always impressive reproductions of interesting or peculiar scenery. In later years he used in conversation to qualify himself as a "topographical artist;" and the definition was true, though not exhaustive. He had an intuitive and a perfectly trained eye for the character and beauty of distant mountain lines, the solemnity of rocky gorges, the majesty of a single mountain rising from a base of plain or sea; and he was equally exact in rendering the true forms of the middle distances and the specialties of foreground detail belonging to the various lands through which he had wandered as a sketcher. Some of his pictures show a mastery which has rarely been equalled over the difficulties of painting an immense plain as seen from a height, reaching straight away from the eye of the spectator until it is lost in a dim horizon. Sir Roderick Murchison used to say that he always understood the geological peculiarities of a country he had only studied in Lear's sketches. The compliment was thoroughly justified; and it is not every landscape-painter to whom it could honestly be paid.

Great and varied as the qualities of his paintings are, Lear hardly managed to achieve much popularity as a landscape artist. Most of his work was done on private commission, and he rarely submitted paintings to the Academy or other exhibitions. His larger and more polished landscapes were inconsistent in technical skill—sometimes harsh or cold in color, or stiff in composition; sometimes imaginative, at other times literal and mundane—but always impressive reproductions of interesting or unique scenery. In later years, he would often refer to himself as a "topographical artist," which was accurate, though not comprehensive. He had an intuitive and well-trained eye for the character and beauty of distant mountain lines, the solemnity of rocky gorges, and the grandeur of a single mountain rising from a plain or sea; and he was equally precise in rendering the true shapes of middle distances and the specifics of foreground details from the various places he had traveled as a sketcher. Some of his paintings demonstrate a level of mastery that is rarely matched when depicting a vast plain viewed from a height, extending straight away from the viewer's eye until it fades into a distant horizon. Sir Roderick Murchison used to say that he always understood the geological features of a country he had only studied through Lear's sketches. The compliment was entirely justified; and not every landscape painter could honestly receive such praise.

The history of Lear's choice of a career was a curious one. He was the youngest of twenty-one children, and, through a family mischance, was thrown entirely on the limited resources of an elderly sister at a very early age. As a boy he had always dabbled in colors for his own amusement, and had been given to poring over the ordinary boys' books upon natural history. It occurred to him to try to turn his infant talents to account; and he painted upon cardboard a couple of birds in the style which the older among us remember as having been called Oriental tinting, took them to a small shop, and sold them for fourpence. The kindness of friends, to whom he was ever grateful, gave him the opportunity of more serious and more remunerative study, and he became a patient and accurate zoölogical draughtsman. Many of the birds in the earlier volumes of Gould's magnificent folios were drawn for him by Lear. A few years back there were eagles alive in the Zoölogical Gardens in Regent's Park to which Lear could point as old familiar friends that he had drawn laboriously from claw to beak fifty years before. He united with this kind of work the more unpleasant occupation of drawing the curiosities of disease or deformity in hospitals. One day, as he was busily intent on the portrait of a bird in the Zoölogical Gardens, an old gentleman came and looked over his shoulder, entered into conversation, and finally said to him, "You must come and draw my birds at Knowsley." Lear did not know where Knowsley was, or what it meant; but the old gentleman was the thirteenth Earl of Derby. The successive Earls of Derby have been among Lear's kindest and most generous patrons. He went to Knowsley, and the drawings in the "Knowsley Menagerie" (now a rare and highly-prized work among book collectors) are by Lear's hand. At Knowsley he became a permanent favorite; and it was there that he composed in prolific succession his charming and wonderful series of utterly nonsensical rhymes and drawings. Lear had already begun seriously to study landscape. When English winters began to threaten his health, Lord Derby started a subscription which enabled him to go to Rome as a student and artist, and no doubt gave him recommendations among Anglo-Roman society which laid the foundations of a numerous clientèle. It was in the Roman summers that Lear first began to exercise the taste for pictorial wandering which grew into a habit and a passion, to fill vivid and copious note-books as he went, and to illustrate them by spirited and accurate drawings; and his first volume of "Illustrated Excursions in Italy," published in 1846, is gratefully dedicated to his Knowsley patron.

The story of Lear's career choices is quite interesting. He was the youngest of twenty-one children and, due to a family mishap, found himself relying entirely on the limited resources of an elderly sister from a young age. As a boy, he had always enjoyed painting for fun and often read regular boys’ books about natural history. He thought about trying to make use of his early talent and painted a couple of birds on cardboard in a style that older folks might remember as Oriental tinting. He took them to a small shop and sold them for fourpence. The generosity of friends, for which he was always thankful, gave him the chance for more serious and more profitable study, and he became a diligent and precise zoological illustrator. Many of the birds in the earlier volumes of Gould's beautiful folios were illustrated by Lear. A few years ago, there were eagles at the Zoölogical Gardens in Regent's Park that Lear could point to as old familiar friends he had painstakingly drawn from claw to beak fifty years earlier. Alongside this work, he also had the less pleasant task of illustrating medical curiosities and deformities in hospitals. One day, while he was focused on drawing a bird at the Zoölogical Gardens, an old gentleman came up, looked over his shoulder, engaged him in conversation, and finally said, "You should come and draw my birds at Knowsley." Lear had no idea where Knowsley was or what it meant, but the old gentleman turned out to be the thirteenth Earl of Derby. The subsequent Earls of Derby have been some of Lear's kindest and most generous supporters. He went to Knowsley, and the drawings in the "Knowsley Menagerie" (now a rare and highly sought-after work among book collectors) were done by Lear. At Knowsley, he became a permanent favorite, and it was there that he wrote his delightful and whimsical series of completely nonsensical rhymes and illustrations. Lear had also begun to study landscapes seriously. When the harsh English winters started to impact his health, Lord Derby initiated a subscription that allowed him to go to Rome as a student and artist, which undoubtedly secured him connections among the Anglo-Roman community that helped him build a large clientele. It was in the Roman summers that Lear first began to pursue his love for artistic exploration, which developed into a habit and a passion, filling vivid and extensive notebooks along the way and illustrating them with lively and precise drawings. His first volume of "Illustrated Excursions in Italy," published in 1846, is gratefully dedicated to his Knowsley patron.

Only those who have travelled with him could know what a delightful comrade he was to men whose tastes ran more or less parallel to his own. It was not everybody who could travel with him; for he was so irrepressibly anxious not to lose a moment of the time at his disposal for gathering into his garners the beauty and interest of the lands over which he journeyed, that he was careless of comfort and health. Calabria, Sicily, the Desert of Sinai, Egypt and Nubia, Greece and Albania, Palestine, Syria, Athos, Candia, Montenegro, Zagóri (who knows now where Zagóri is, or was?), were as thoroughly explored and sketched by him as the more civilized localities of Malta, Corsica, and Corfu. He read insatiably before starting all the recognized guide-books and histories of the country he intended to draw; and his published itineraries are marked by great strength and literary interest quite irrespectively of the illustrations. And he had his reward. It is not any ordinary journalist and sketcher who could have compelled from Tennyson such a tribute as lines "To E.L. on his Travels in Greece":—

Only those who traveled with him could truly know what a wonderful companion he was to those whose interests aligned with his. Not everyone could journey alongside him; he was so passionately eager to make the most of every moment in order to capture the beauty and excitement of the places he visited that he often overlooked his own comfort and health. Calabria, Sicily, the Sinai Desert, Egypt and Nubia, Greece and Albania, Palestine, Syria, Athos, Crete, Montenegro, Zagóri (who even knows where Zagóri is or was?), were as thoroughly explored and sketched by him as the more civilized areas of Malta, Corsica, and Corfu. He voraciously read all the well-known guidebooks and histories of the countries he intended to illustrate before he set off; and his published itineraries are filled with remarkable insight and literary depth, regardless of the illustrations. He earned his accolades. It's not just any ordinary journalist and sketcher who could have inspired Tennyson to write such a tribute as the lines "To E.L. on his Travels in Greece":—

"Illyrian woodlands, echoing falls
Of water, sheets of summer glass, The long divine Peneïan pass, The vast Akrokeraunian walls,

"Illyrian forests, echoing waterfalls
Of water, sheets of summer glass, The long, divine Peneian pass, The vast Akrokeraunian cliffs,"

"Tomohrit, Athos, all things fair,
With such a pencil, such a pen, You shadow forth to distant men, I read and felt that I was there."

"Tomohrit, Athos, everything beautiful,
With such a pencil, such a pen, You bring to life for those far away, I read and felt like I was right there."

Lear was a man to whom, as to Tennyson's Ulysses,

Lear was a man who, like Tennyson's Ulysses,

"All experience is an arch wherethrough
Gleams that untravelled world."

"All experience is a bridge to
the unexplored world."

After settling at San Remo, and when he was nearly sixty years old, he determined to visit India and Ceylon. He started once and failed, being taken so ill at Suez that he was obliged to return. The next year he succeeded, and brought away some thousands of drawings of the most striking views from all three Presidencies and from the tropical island. His appetite for travel continued to grow with what it fed upon; and although he hated a long sea-voyage, he used seriously to contemplate as possible a visit to relations in New Zealand. It may safely, however, be averred that no considerations would have tempted him to visit the Arctic regions.

After settling in San Remo, and when he was nearly sixty years old, he decided to visit India and Ceylon. He tried to go once and failed, getting so sick in Suez that he had to turn back. The following year, he succeeded and returned with thousands of drawings of the most amazing views from all three Presidencies and from the tropical island. His desire to travel kept growing along with what he experienced; even though he disliked long sea voyages, he seriously considered visiting relatives in New Zealand. However, it can be confidently stated that nothing would have persuaded him to visit the Arctic regions.

A hardworking life filled with unique adventures that come to those who seek them, overshadowing the ordinary; a career celebrated by respected critics; made lighter, until recently, by the enjoyable company and good wishes of countless friends; weighed down by the increasing burden of poor health and loneliness; uplifted by his unwavering belief in the love and support of those who knew him best, no matter how distant they were—this was the life of Edward Lear.
—The London Saturday Review,
Feb. 4, 1888.

Among the writers who have striven with varying success during the last thirty or forty years to awaken the merriment of the "rising generation" of the time being, Mr. Edward Lear occupies the first place in seniority, if not in merit. The parent of modern nonsense-writers, he is distinguished from all his followers and imitators by the superior consistency with which he has adhered to his aim,—that of amusing his readers by fantastic absurdities, as void of vulgarity or cynicism as they are incapable of being made to harbor any symbolical meaning. He "never deviates into sense;" but those who appreciate him never feel the need of such deviation. He has a genius for coining absurd names and words, which, even when they are suggested by the exigencies of his metre, have a ludicrous appropriateness to the matter in hand. His verse is, with the exception of a certain number of cockney rhymes, wonderfully flowing and even melodious—or, as he would say, meloobious— while to all these qualifications for his task must finally be added the happy gift of pictorial expression, enabling him to double, nay, often to quadruple, the laughable effect of his text by an inexhaustible profusion of the quaintest designs. Generally speaking, these designs are, as it were, an idealization of the efforts of a clever child; but now and then—as in the case of the nonsense-botany—Mr. Lear reminds us what a genuine and graceful artist he really is. The advantage to a humorist of being able to illustrate his own text has been shown in the case of Thackeray and Mr. W. S. Gilbert, to mention two familiar examples; but in no other instance of such a combination have we discovered such geniality as is to be found in the nonsense-pictures of Mr. Lear. We have spoken above of the melodiousness of Mr. Lear's verses, a quality which renders them excellently suitable for musical setting, and which has not escaped the notice of the author himself. We have also heard effective arrangements, presumably by other composers, of the adventures of the Table and the Chair, and of the cruise of the Owl and the Pussy-cat,—the latter introduced into the "drawing-room entertainment" of one of the followers of John Parry. Indeed, in these days of adaptations, it is to be wondered at that no enterprising librettist has attempted to build a children's comic opera out of the materials supplied in the four books with which we are now concerned. The first of these, originally published in 1846, and brought out in an enlarged form in 1863, is exclusively devoted to nonsense-verses of one type. Mr. Lear is careful to disclaim the credit of having created this type, for he tells us in the preface to his third book that "the lines beginning, 'There was an old man of Tobago,' were suggested to me by a valued friend, as a form of verse leading itself to limitless variety for Rhymes and Pictures." Dismissing the further question of the authorship of "There was an old man of Tobago," we propose to give a few specimens of Mr. Lear's Protean powers as exhibited in the variation of this simple type. Here, to begin with, is a favorite verse, which we are very glad to have an opportunity of giving, as it is often incorrectly quoted, "cocks" being substituted for "owls" in the third line:

Among the writers who have tried with varying degrees of success over the last thirty or forty years to entertain the "rising generation" of their time, Mr. Edward Lear stands out as the first in seniority, if not in merit. As the originator of modern nonsense literature, he is distinguished from all his followers and imitators by the exceptional consistency with which he sticks to his goal—amusing his readers with fantastic absurdities that are just as free from vulgarity or cynicism as they are incapable of holding any symbolic meaning. He "never deviates into sense"; however, those who appreciate him never feel the need for such a deviation. He has a gift for creating absurd names and words that, even when prompted by the requirements of his meter, are humorously fitting to the subject at hand. His verse, aside from a few cockney rhymes, flows wonderfully and is even melodic—or, as he might say, meloobious—and to all these skills, we must add his fortunate ability for visual expression, which allows him to often double or even quadruple the laughable effect of his text with an endless variety of whimsical designs. Generally, these designs are like an idealized version of a clever child's efforts; but occasionally—such as in his nonsense-botany—Mr. Lear reminds us what a genuine and graceful artist he truly is. The advantage of a humorist being able to illustrate their own text has been demonstrated in the works of Thackeray and Mr. W. S. Gilbert, just to name a couple of well-known examples; but in no other instance have we found such warmth as in Mr. Lear's nonsense-pictures. We previously mentioned the melodiousness of Mr. Lear's verses, a quality which makes them ideal for musical adaptation, and which he himself has noticed. We have also come across engaging arrangements, presumably by other composers, of the adventures of the Table and the Chair, as well as the cruise of the Owl and the Pussy-cat—the latter even featured in a "drawing-room entertainment" by one of John Parry's followers. Indeed, in these days of adaptations, it’s surprising that no enterprising librettist has attempted to create a children’s comic opera from the material in the four books we are discussing. The first of these, first published in 1846 and released in an expanded form in 1863, is entirely dedicated to one type of nonsense verse. Mr. Lear is careful to clarify that he did not create this type, as he mentions in the preface to his third book, that "the lines beginning, 'There was an old man of Tobago,' were suggested to me by a valued friend, as a form of verse allowing for limitless variety for Rhymes and Pictures." Putting aside the question of who originally authored "There was an old man of Tobago," we intend to share a few examples of Mr. Lear's versatile talents as displayed in variations of this simple type. Here, to start off, is a favorite verse that we’re very happy to present, as it is often misquoted, with "cocks" mistakenly used instead of "owls" in the third line:

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'"

There was an old man with a beard,
Who said, 'Just as I was worried!
Two owls and a hen, four larks and a wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'"

With the kindly fatalism which is the distinctive note of the foregoing stanza, the sentiment of our next extract is in vivid contrast:—

With the gentle acceptance of fate that characterizes the previous stanza, the feeling in our next excerpt stands in sharp contrast:—

"There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was terribly bored by a bee;
When they said, 'Does it buzz?' he replied, 'Yes, it does!
It's a regular brute of a Bee.'"

"There was an old man in a tree,
Who was really bored by a bee;
When they asked, 'Does it buzz?' he replied, 'Yeah, it does!
It's pretty annoying bee.'"

To the foregoing verse an historic interest attaches, if, that is, we are right in supposing it to have inspired Mr. Gilbert with his famous "Nonsense-Rhyme in Blank Verse." We quote from memory:—

To the previous verse, there’s a historical interest attached, if we are correct in assuming it inspired Mr. Gilbert with his famous "Nonsense-Rhyme in Blank Verse." We quote from memory:—

"There was an Old Man of St. Bees,
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
When they asked, 'Does it hurt?' he replied, 'No, it doesn't,
But I thought all the while 'twas a Hornet!'"

There was an old man from St. Bees,
Who got stung on the arm by a wasp.
When they asked, 'Does it hurt?' he said, 'No, it doesn't,
But I kept thinking it was a hornet!'"

Passing over the lines referring to the "Young Person" of Crete to whom the epithet "ombliferous" is applied, we may be pardoned—on the ground of the geographical proximity of the two countries named—for quoting together two stanzas which in reality are separated by a good many pages:—

"There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat in a doorway;
When the doors queezed her flat, she exclaimed, 'What of that?'
This courageous young person of Norway."

"There was a young woman from Norway,
Who casually sat in a doorway;
When the doors squished her flat, she said, 'What about that?'
This brave young person from Norway."

"There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
When they cried, 'Weedon Station!' she made no observation,
But thought she should go back to Sweden."

There was a young woman from Sweden,
Who took the slow train to Weedon;
When they announced, 'Weedon Station!' she didn't say anything,
But felt she should go back to Sweden.

A noticeable feature about this first book, and one which we think is peculiar to it, is the harsh treatment which the eccentricities of the inhabitants of certain towns appear to have met with at the hands of their fellow-residents. No less than three people are "smashed,"—the Old Man of Whitehaven "who danced a quadrille with a Raven;" the Old Person of Buda; and the Old Man with a gong "who bumped at it all the day long," though in the last-named case we admit that there was considerable provocation. Before quitting the first "Nonsense-Book," we would point out that it contains one or two forms that are interesting; for instance, "scroobious," which we take to be a Portmanteau word, and "spickle-speckled," a favorite form of reduplication with Mr. Lear, and of which the best specimen occurs in his last book, "He tinkledy-binkledy-winkled the bell." The second book, published in 1871, shows Mr. Lear in the maturity of sweet desipience, and will perhaps remain the favorite volume of the four to grown-up readers. The nonsense-songs are all good, and "The Story of the Four little Children who went Round the World" is the most exquisite piece of imaginative absurdity that the present writer is acquainted with. But before coming to that, let us quote a few lines from "The Jumblies," who, as all the world knows, went to sea in a sieve:—

"They sailed to the Western Sea, they did, To a land all covered with trees. And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart,
And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart,
And a hive of silvery Bees. And they bought a Pig, and some green Jack-Daws,
And a lovely Monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree,
And no end of Stilton Cheese. Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live. Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve.

"They really did sail to the Western Sea, To a land completely filled with trees. They bought an Owl, and a handy Cart,
A pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart,
And a hive of shiny Bees. They got a Pig, and some green Jack-Daws,
A cute Monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree,
And endless Stilton Cheese. Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live. Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve.

And in twenty years they all came back,
In twenty years or more, And every one said, 'How tall they've grown!
For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore.'"

And after twenty years, they all came back,
In twenty years or more, And everyone said, 'Wow, look how tall they've grown!
They've been to the Lakes, the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore.'"

From the pedestrian excursion of the Table and the Chair, we cannot resist making a brief quotation, though in this, as in every case, the inability to quote the drawings also is a sad drawback:—

From the casual trip of the Table and the Chair, we can’t help but share a short quote, though, like in every instance, the fact that we can’t include the drawings is definitely a bummer:—

"So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town,
With a cheerful bumpy sound,
As they toddled round and round.
And everybody cried,
As they hastened to their side,
'See, the Table and the Chair
Have come out to take the air!'

"So they both walked slowly down,
and strolled around the town,
with a cheerful, bouncy sound,
as they wandered round and round.
And everyone shouted,
as they rushed to their side,
'Look, the Table and the Chair
have come out to enjoy the fresh air!'"

"But in going down an alley
To a castle in a valley,
They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day,
Till, to see them safely back,
They paid a Ducky-Quack,
And a Beetle and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.

"But while walking down an alley
to a castle in the valley,
they completely lost their way,
and wandered all day,
until, to get them home safe,
they paid a Ducky-Quack,
and a Beetle and a Mouse,
who took them to their house."

"Then they whispered to each other,
'O delightful little brother,
What a lovely walk we've taken!
Let us dine on Beans and Bacon!'
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy, and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads,
Till they toddled to their beds."

"Then they whispered to each other,
'O sweet little brother,
what a wonderful walk we've had!
Let's have Beans and Bacon for dinner!'
So the Duck and the little
Brown Mouse, and the Beetle
ate and danced on their heads,
till they stumbled off to bed."

"The Story of the Four little Children who went Round the World" follows next, and the account of the manner in which they occupied themselves while on shipboard may be transcribed for the benefit of those unfortunate persons who have not perused the original: "During the day-time Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt-water into a churn, while her three brothers churned it violently in the hope it would turn into butter, which it seldom if ever did." After journeying for a time, they saw some land at a distance, "and when they came to it they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that it was bordered by evanescent isthmuses with a great Gulf-Stream running about all over it, so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, five hundred and three feet high." In a later passage, we read how "by-and-by the children came to a country where there were no houses, but only an incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks, and of a dazzling and sweetly susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles contained a bluebottlefly, and all these interesting animals live continually together in the most copious and rural harmony, nor perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness to be found." Our last quotation from this inimitable recital shall be from the description of their adventure on a great plain where they espied an object which "on a nearer approach and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody in a large white wig sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-cake and oyster-shells." This turned out to be the "Co-operative Cauliflower," who, "while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with mingled affection and disgust ... suddenly arose, and in a somewhat plumdomphious manner hurried off towards the setting sun, his steps supported by two superincumbent confidential cucumbers ... till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of sudorific sand. So remarkable a sight of course impressed the four children very deeply; and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great appetite."

"The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Around the World" follows next, and the account of how they kept themselves busy while on the ship can be shared for the benefit of those who haven't read the original: "During the day, Violet mainly entertained herself by putting salt water into a churn, while her three brothers churned it vigorously, hoping it would turn into butter, which it rarely, if ever, did." After traveling for a time, they spotted some land in the distance, "and when they got closer, they found it was an island made of water completely surrounded by land. Additionally, it was bordered by temporary land bridges with a massive Gulf Stream flowing all over it, making it perfectly beautiful, and it had only one tree, five hundred and three feet tall." In a later passage, we read how "eventually, the children came to a country with no houses, just an incredibly countless number of large bottles without corks, all dazzling and pleasantly airy blue. Each of these blue bottles held a bluebottle fly, and all these fascinating creatures lived together in the most abundant and rural harmony—perhaps such perfect and total happiness is hard to find in many parts of the world." Our final quote from this unmatched tale is from the description of their adventure on a vast plain, where they noticed an object that "upon closer inspection appeared to be someone in a large white wig sitting in an armchair made of sponge cake and oyster shells." This turned out to be the "Co-operative Cauliflower," who, "while the entire group from the boat was looking at him with mixed feelings of affection and disgust... suddenly rose and hurried off toward the setting sun, his steps supported by two very trusting cucumbers... until he finally vanished on the edge of the western sky in a shimmering cloud of sweaty sand. Such a remarkable sight naturally left a deep impression on the four children; they immediately returned to their boat with a strong sense of unfulfilled curiosity and a big appetite."

In his third book, Mr. Lear takes occasion in an entertaining preface to repudiate the charge of harboring any ulterior motive beyond that of "Nonsense pure and absolute" in any of his verses or pictures, and tells a delightful anecdote illustrative of the "persistently absurd report" that the Earl of Derby was the author of the first book of "Nonsense." In this volume he reverts once more to the familiar form adopted in his original efforts, and with little falling off. It is to be remarked that the third division is styled "Twenty-Six Nonsense Rhymes and Pictures," although there is no more rhyme than reason in any of the set. Our favorite illustrations are those of the "Scroobious Snake who always wore a Hat on his Head, for fear he should bite anybody," and the "Visibly Vicious Vulture who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a Volume bound in Vellum." In the fourth and last of Mr. Lear's books, we meet not only with familiar words, but personages and places,—old friends like the Jumblies, the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo, the Quangle Wangle, the hills of the Chankly Bore, and the great Gromboolian plain, as well as new creations, such as the Dong with a luminous Nose, whose story is a sort of nonsense version of the love of Nausicaa for Ulysses, only that the sexes are inverted. In these verses, graceful fancy is so subtly interwoven with nonsense as almost to beguile us into feeling a real interest in Mr. Lear's absurd creations. So again in the Pelican chorus there are some charming lines:—

In his third book, Mr. Lear uses an entertaining preface to deny that he has any ulterior motives beyond "Nonsense pure and absolute" in his verses or pictures, and shares a delightful story about the "persistently absurd report" that the Earl of Derby wrote the first book of "Nonsense." In this volume, he returns once more to the familiar style of his earlier works, with little decline in quality. It's worth noting that the third section is titled "Twenty-Six Nonsense Rhymes and Pictures," even though there's as much rhyme as there is reason in the entire collection. Our favorite illustrations include the "Scroobious Snake who always wore a Hat on his Head, for fear he should bite anybody," and the "Visibly Vicious Vulture who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a Volume bound in Vellum." In the fourth and final book by Mr. Lear, we encounter not only familiar words but also familiar characters and places—old friends like the Jumblies, the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo, the Quangle Wangle, the hills of the Chankly Bore, and the great Gromboolian plain—along with new creations like the Dong with a luminous Nose, whose story is a sort of nonsense version of Nausicaa's love for Ulysses, except with the genders reversed. In these verses, graceful imagination is so subtly woven together with nonsense that it almost tricks us into feeling a genuine interest in Mr. Lear's absurd creations. Similarly, the Pelican chorus features some charming lines:—

"By day we fish, and at eve we stand
On long bare islands of yellow sand.
And when the sun sinks slowly down,
And the great rock-walls grow dark and brown,
When the purple river rolls fast and dim,
And the ivory Ibis starlike skim,
Wing to wing we dance around," etc.

"During the day we fish, and in the evening we come together
On long, deserted islands of yellow sand.
And when the sun sets gradually,
And the huge rock walls darken to brown,
When the purple river flows swiftly and gently,
And the ivory Ibis glides like a star,
Wing to wing we dance around," etc.

The other nonsense-poems are all good, but we have no space for further quotation, and will take leave of our subject by propounding the following set of examination questions which a friend who is deeply versed in Mr. Lear's books has drawn up for us:—

The other nonsense poems are all good, but we don’t have room for more quotes, so we'll wrap up our topic by presenting the following set of exam questions that a friend who knows Mr. Lear's books well has prepared for us:—

1. What do you gather from a study of Mr. Lear's works to have been the prevalent characteristics of the inhabitants of Gretna, Prague, Thermopylae, Wick, and Hong Kong?

1. What do you learn about the main characteristics of the people living in Gretna, Prague, Thermopylae, Wick, and Hong Kong by looking at Mr. Lear's works?

2. State briefly what historical events are connected with Ischia, Chertsey, Whitehaven, Boulak, and Jellibolee.

2. Briefly mention the historical events associated with Ischia, Chertsey, Whitehaven, Boulak, and Jellibolee.

3. Comment, with illustrations, upon Mr. Lear's use of the following words: Runcible, propitious, dolomphious, borascible, fizzgiggious, himmeltanious, tumble-dum-down, spongetaneous.

3. Discuss, with examples, Mr. Lear's use of the following words: Runcible, propitious, dolomphious, borascible, fizzgiggious, himmeltanious, tumble-dum-down, spongetaneous.

4. Enumerate accurately all the animals who lived on the Quangle Wangle's Hat, and explain how the Quangle Wangle was enabled at once to enlighten his five travelling companions as to the true nature of the Co-operative Cauliflower.

4. List all the animals that lived on the Quangle Wangle's Hat and explain how the Quangle Wangle was able to tell his five traveling companions about the true nature of the Co-operative Cauliflower.

5. What were the names of the five daughters of the Old Person of China, and what was the purpose for which the Old Man of the Dargle purchased six barrels of Gargle?

5. What were the names of the five daughters of the Old Man of China, and why did the Old Man of the Dargle buy six barrels of Gargle?

6. Collect notices of King Xerxes in Mr. Lear's works, and state your theory, if you have any, as to the character and appearance of Nupiter Piffkin.

6. Gather information about King Xerxes from Mr. Lear's works, and share your thoughts, if any, on the character and appearance of Nupiter Piffkin.

7. Draw pictures of the Plum-pudding flea, and the Moppsikon Floppsikon Bear, and state by whom waterproof tubs were first used.

7. Draw pictures of the Plum-pudding flea and the Moppsikon Floppsikon Bear, and mention who first used waterproof tubs.

8. "There was an old man at a station
   Who made a promiscuous oration."

8. "There was an elderly man at a station
who gave a rambling speech."

What bearing may we assume the foregoing couplet to have upon Mr. Lear's political views?—The London Spectator.

What can we infer from the previous couplet about Mr. Lear's political views?—The London Spectator.

 

A Book of Nonsense

by Edward Lear.

With All the Original Pictures and Verses.

With All the Original Images and Poems.

A Book of Nonsense

There was an Old Derry down Derry, who loved to see little folks merry;
So he made them a Book, and with laughter they shook At the fun of that Derry down Derry.

There was an Old Derry down Derry, who enjoyed watching little kids have fun;
So he made a book, and everyone laughed. At the jokes of that Derry down Derry.

1894

Originally published 1846

First published 1846

A Book of Nonsense
1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

A Book of Nonsense
1894 Cover
Click to view larger version.
To the Great-Grandchildren, Grand-Nephews, and Grand-Nieces of Edward, 13th Earl of Derby, this book of drawings snd verses (the greater part of which were originally made and composed for their parents.) is dedicated by the author, EDWARD LEAR. London, 1862.

NONSENSE RHYMES AND PICTURES

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with a nose,
Who said, "If you choose to suppose
That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!"
That remarkable Man with a nose.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with a big nose,
Who said, "If you think my nose is too long, you’re definitely mistaken!"
That remarkable man with a nose.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Person of Smyrna,
Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;
But she seized on the Cat, and said, "Granny, burn that!
You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!"

nonsense pictures
There was a young person from Smyrna,
Whose grandma threatened to burn her;
But she grabbed the cat and said, "Granny, burn that!
You silly old woman from Smyrna!"

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man on a hill,
Who seldom, if ever, stood still;
He ran up and down in his Grandmother's gown,
Which adorned that Old Man on a hill.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man on a hill,
Who hardly ever stood still;
He ran up and down in his grandmother's gown,
Which dressed that old man on a hill.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Chili,
Whose conduct was painful and silly;
He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,
That imprudent Old Person of Chili.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Chile,
Whose behavior was awkward and silly;
He sat on the stairs, munching apples and pears,
That foolish old person from Chile.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with a gong,
Who bumped at it all the day long;
But they called out, "Oh, law! you're a horrid old bore!"
So they smashed that Old Man with a gong.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with a gong,
Who banged on it all day long;
But people shouted, "Oh, come on! You're such a boring old fool!"
So they smashed that old man with a gong.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all that money in onions and honey,
That wayward Old Man of Kilkenny.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Kilkenny,
Who never had more than a penny;
He spent all his money on onions and honey,
That quirky old man from Kilkenny.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Columbia,
Who was thirsty, and called out for some beer;
But they brought it quite hot, in a small copper pot,
Which disgusted that man of Columbia.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Columbia,
Who was thirsty and asked for a beer;
But they brought it really hot, in a tiny copper pot,
Which grossed out that man from Columbia.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man in a tree,
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;
When they said, "Does it buzz?" he replied, "Yes, it does!
It's a regular brute of a Bee."

nonsense pictures
There was an old man in a tree,
Who was really annoyed by a bee;
When they asked, "Does it buzz?" he said, "Yeah, it does!
It’s a total pest of a bee."

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Lady of Chertsey,
Who made a remarkable curtsey;
She twirled round and round, till she sank underground,
Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

nonsense pictures
There was an old woman from Chertsey,
Who made a surprising curtsy;
She spun around and around, until she fell underground,
Which upset all the people of Chertsey.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady whose chin
Resembled the point of a pin;
So she had it made sharp, and purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman whose chin
Looked like the tip of a pin;
So she got it sharpened, bought a harp,
And played a few tunes with her chin.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with a flute,—
A "sarpint" ran into his boot!
But he played day and night, till the "sarpint" took flight,
And avoided that Man with a flute.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with a flute,—
A snake ran into his boot!
But he played day and night, till the snake took flight,
And stayed away from that man with a flute.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Portugal,
Whose ideas were excessively nautical;
She climbed up a tree to examine the sea,
But declared she would never leave Portugal.

nonsense pictures
There was a young lady from Portugal,
Whose thoughts were all about the ocean;
She climbed a tree to get a better view,
But said she’d never leave Portugal.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Ischia,
Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier;
He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate thousands of figs,
That lively Old Person of Ischia

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Ischia,
Whose behavior got livelier and livelier;
He danced hornpipes and jigs, and ate tons of figs,
That energetic old person from Ischia.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Vienna,
Who lived upon Tincture of Senna;
When that did not agree, he took Camomile Tea,
That nasty Old Man of Vienna.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Vienna,
who lived on tincture of senna;
when that didn’t sit right, he had chamomile tea,
that grumpy old man from Vienna.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man in a boat,
Who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!"
When they said, "No, you ain't!" he was ready to faint,
That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man in a boat,
who said, "I'm afloat! I'm afloat!"
When they said, "No, you're not!" he was about to faint,
that unhappy old man in a boat.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Buda,
Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder,
Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor.
By smashing that Person of Buda.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Buda,
Whose behavior got ruder and ruder,
Till finally, they shut him up with a hammer.
By smashing that guy from Buda.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Moldavia,
Who had the most curious behavior;
For while he was able, he slept on a table,
That funny Old Man of Moldavia.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Moldavia,
Who had the most unusual behavior;
For as long as he could, he napped on a table,
That funny old man from Moldavia.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Hurst,
Who drank when he was not athirst;
When they said, "You'll grow fatter!" he answered "What matter?"
That globular Person of Hurst.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Hurst,
who drank even when he wasn’t thirsty;
when they said, "You’ll get fatter!" he replied, "So what?"
that round fellow from Hurst.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Madras,
Who rode on a cream-colored Ass;
But the length of its ears so promoted his fears,
That it killed that Old Man of Madras.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Madras,
Who rode on a cream-colored donkey;
But the length of its ears caused him so much fear,
That it killed that old man from Madras.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Dover,
Who rushed through a field of blue clover;
But some very large Bees stung his nose and his knees,
So he very soon went back to Dover.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Dover,
Who sprinted through a field of blue clover;
But some really big bees stung his nose and his knees,
So he quickly turned back to Dover.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Leeds,
Whose head was infested with beads;
She sat on a stool and ate gooseberry-fool,
Which agreed with that Person of Leeds.

nonsense pictures
There was an old lady from Leeds,
Whose head was covered in beads;
She sat on a stool and enjoyed gooseberry fool,
Which was perfect for that lady from Leeds.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Cadiz,
Who was always polite to all ladies;
But in handing his daughter, he fell into the water,
Which drowned that Old Person of Cadiz.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Cadiz,
Who was always polite to all women;
But while helping his daughter, he fell into the water,
Which drowned that old man from Cadiz.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Isles,
Whose face was pervaded with smiles;
He sang "High dum diddle," and played on the fiddle,
That amiable Man of the Isles.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the isles,
Whose face was filled with smiles;
He sang "High dum diddle," and played on the fiddle,
That friendly man from the isles.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Basing,
Whose presence of mind was amazing;
He purchased a steed, which he rode at full speed,
And escaped from the people of Basing.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Basing,
Who had an amazing presence of mind;
He bought a horse, which he rode fast, of course,
And got away from the folks in Basing.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man who supposed
That the street door was partially closed;
But some very large Rats ate his coats and his hats,
While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man who thought
That the front door was partly closed;
But some really big rats chewed on his coats and his hats,
While that pointless old gentleman snoozed.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person whose habits
Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy whose habits
Made him eat rabbits;
After he’d eaten eighteen, he turned completely green,
So he gave up those habits.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the West,
Who wore a pale plum-colored vest;
When they said, "Does it fit?" he replied, "Not a bit!"
That uneasy Old Man of the West.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the West,
Who wore a light plum-colored vest;
When they asked, "Does it fit?" he replied, "Not at all!"
That anxious old man from the West.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Marseilles,
Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils:
They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish,
And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Marseille,
Whose daughters wore dark green veils:
They caught some fish and put them in a dish,
And sent them to their dad in Marseille.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Wrekin,
Whose shoes made a horrible creaking;
But they said, "Tell us whether your shoes are of leather,
Or of what, you Old Man of the Wrekin?"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the Wrekin,
Whose shoes made a terrible squeaking;
But they said, "Please tell us if your shoes are made of leather,
Or what they're made of, you old man from the Wrekin?"

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady whose nose
Was so long that it reached to her toes;
So she hired an Old Lady, whose conduct was steady,
To carry that wonderful nose.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman whose nose
Was so long that it touched her toes;
So she hired an older woman, who was reliable,
To take care of that amazing nose.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Norway,
Who casually sat in a doorway;
When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed, "What of that?"
This courageous Young Lady of Norway.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Norway,
Who casually sat in a doorway;
When the door squished her flat, she exclaimed, "What's the big deal?"
This brave young woman from Norway.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Apulia,
Whose conduct was very peculiar;
He fed twenty sons upon nothing but buns,
That whimsical Man of Apulia.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Apulia,
Whose behavior was quite unusual;
He fed twenty sons only on buns,
That quirky man from Apulia.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Quebec,—
A beetle ran over his neck;
But he cried, "With a needle I'll slay you, O beadle!"
That angry Old Man of Quebec.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man from Quebec,—
A beetle crawled over his neck;
But he shouted, "With a needle I'll take you down, O beadle!"
That furious Old Man from Quebec.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Bute,
Who played on a silver-gilt flute;
She played several jigs to her Uncle's white Pigs:
That amusing Young Lady of Bute.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Bute,
who played on a silver-gilt flute;
she performed several jigs for her uncle's white pigs:
that entertaining young woman from Bute.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Philœ,
Whose conduct was scroobious and wily;
He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm,
And observed all the ruins of Philœ.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Philœ,
Whose behavior was strange and sly;
He ran up a palm tree when the weather was nice,
And looked at the ruins of Philœ.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with a poker,
Who painted his face with red ochre.
When they said, "You 're a Guy!" he made no reply,
But knocked them all down with his poker.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with a poker,
Who painted his face with red paint.
When they said, "You're a guy!" he didn’t say anything,
But knocked them all down with his poker.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Prague,
Who was suddenly seized with the plague;
But they gave him some butter, which caused him to mutter,
And cured that Old Person of Prague.

nonsense pictures
There was an elderly person from Prague,
Who suddenly came down with the plague;
But they gave him some butter, which made him stutter,
And cured that elderly person from Prague.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who watched his wife making a stew;
But once, by mistake, in a stove she did bake
That unfortunate Man of Peru.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Peru,
Who saw his wife cooking a stew;
But once, by mistake, in the oven she baked
That poor old man from Peru.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the North,
Who fell into a basin of broth;
But a laudable cook fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that Old Man of the North.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the North,
Who fell into a bowl of broth;
But a good cook fished him out with a hook,
Which saved that old man from the North.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Troy,
Whose drink was warm brandy and soy,
Which he took with a spoon, by the light of the moon,
In sight of the city of Troy.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Troy,
Whose drink was warm brandy and soy,
He took it with a spoon, under the moon,
In view of the city of Troy.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Mold,
Who shrank from sensations of cold;
So he purchased some muffs, some furs, and some fluffs,
And wrapped himself well from the cold.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Mold,
Who really disliked feeling cold;
So he bought some muffs, some furs, and some fluff,
And bundled up tight to stay warm.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Tring,
Who embellished his nose with a ring;
He gazed at the moon every evening in June,
That ecstatic Old Person of Tring.

nonsense pictures
There was an elderly man from Tring,
Who decorated his nose with a ring;
He stared at the moon every night in June,
That thrilled old man from Tring.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Nepaul,
From his horse had a terrible fall;
But, though split quite in two, with some very strong glue
They mended that man of Nepaul.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Nepal,
Who had a really bad fall from his stall;
But, even though he was split in two, with some super strong glue,
They fixed up that man from Nepal.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Nile,
Who sharpened his nails with a file,
Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, "This comes
Of sharpening one's nails with a file!"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the Nile,
Who sharpened his nails with a file,
Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, "This comes
From sharpening one's nails with a file!"

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn't his foot see;
When they said, "That's your toe," he replied, "Is it so?"
That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man from Abruzzi,
So blind that he couldn't see his foot;
When they said, "That's your toe," he replied, "Is it?"
That uncertain Old Man from Abruzzi.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Calcutta,
Who perpetually ate bread and butter;
Till a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuffing,
Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Calcutta,
Who always ate bread and butter;
Till a huge piece of muffin, which he was shoving,
Choked that terrible old man from Calcutta.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
Who strongly objected to toads;
He paid several cousins to catch them by dozens,
That futile Old Person of Rhodes.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Rhodes,
who really didn’t like toads;
He paid some cousins to catch them by the dozens,
that pointless old guy from Rhodes.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the South,
Who had an immoderate mouth;
But in swallowing a dish that was quite full of Fish,
He was choked, that Old Man of the South.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the South,
who had an enormous mouth;
but while swallowing a dish that was packed with fish,
he choked, that old man from the South.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Melrose,
Who walked on the tips of his toes;
But they said, "It ain't pleasant to see you at present,
You stupid Old Man of Melrose."

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Melrose,
who walked on the tips of his toes;
But they said, "It’s not nice to see you right now,
You silly old man from Melrose."

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Dee,
Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea;
When he said, "I will scratch it!" they gave him a hatchet,
Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from the Dee,
Who was really bothered by a flea;
When he said, "I’ll scratch it!" they gave him an axe,
Which upset that old guy from the Dee.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
Whose lovers completely forsook her;
She ran up a tree, and said "Fiddle-de-dee!"
Which embarrassed the people of Lucca.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Lucca,
Whose partners all left her;
She climbed a tree and said, "Fiddle-de-dee!"
Which embarrassed the folks in Lucca.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Coblenz,
The length of whose legs was immense;
He went with one prance from Turkey to France,
That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Coblenz,
Whose legs were incredibly long;
He hopped all the way from Turkey to France,
That surprising old man from Coblenz.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Bohemia,
Whose daughter was christened Euphemia;
But one day, to his grief, she married a thief,
Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Bohemia,
Whose daughter was named Euphemia;
But one day, to his sorrow, she married a thief,
Which upset that old man from Bohemia.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Corfu,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he rushed up and down, till the sun made him brown,
That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Corfu,
Who never knew what he should do;
So he ran up and down, until the sun turned him brown,
That confused old man from Corfu.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Vesuvius,
Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
When the flames burnt his book, to drinking he took,
That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Vesuvius,
Who studied the works of Vitruvius;
When the flames burned his book, he turned to drink,
That gloomy old guy from Vesuvius.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Dundee,
Who frequented the top of a tree;
When disturbed by the Crows, he abruptly arose,
And exclaimed, "I'll return to Dundee!"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Dundee,
who often visited the top of a tree;
when the crows bothered him, he suddenly got up,
and shouted, "I'm heading back to Dundee!"

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Lady whose folly
Induced her to sit in a holly;
Whereon, by a thorn her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.

nonsense pictures
There was an old lady whose foolishness
Made her sit in a holly;
Where, by a thorn her dress got torn,
She quickly became sad.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man on some rocks,
Who shut his Wife up in a box:
When she said, "Let me out," he exclaimed, "Without doubt
You will pass all your life in that box."

nonsense pictures
There was an old man on some rocks,
who locked his wife in a box:
When she said, "Let me out," he shouted, "No way!
You'll be stuck in that box for the rest of your life."

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Rheims,
Who was troubled with horrible dreams;
So to keep him awake they fed him with cake,
Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Rheims,
Who had terrible dreams;
So to keep him up, they fed him cake,
Which entertained that old guy from Rheims.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Leghorn,
The smallest that ever was born;
But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy,
Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man from Leghorn,
The tiniest guy that ever was born;
But he got snatched up one day by a Puppy,
Who gobbled that Old Man from Leghorn.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man in a pew,
Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue;
But he tore it in pieces, to give to his Nieces,
That cheerful Old Man in a pew.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man in a pew,
Whose vest was speckled with blue;
But he ripped it to shreds, to share with his nieces,
That cheerful old man in a pew.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Jamaica,
Who suddenly married a Quaker;
But she cried out, "Oh, lack! I have married a black!"
Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Jamaica,
Who suddenly married a Quaker;
But she exclaimed, "Oh no! I’ve married a black!"
Which upset that old man from Jamaica.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man who said, "How
Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?
I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that Cow."

nonsense pictures
There was an old man who said, "How
Do I escape this terrible cow?
I'll sit on this stile and keep smiling,
Maybe that'll warm the heart of that cow."

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Troy,
Whom several large flies did annoy;
Some she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump,
And some she took with her to Troy.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Troy,
Who was bothered by some big flies;
Some she swatted with a whack, some she drowned with a splash,
And some she brought back with her to Troy.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Hull,
Who was chased by a virulent Bull;
But she seized on a spade, and called out, "Who's afraid?"
Which distracted that virulent Bull.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady from Hull,
who was chased by a fierce Bull;
but she grabbed a spade and shouted, "Who's scared?"
Which confused that fierce Bull.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Dutton,
Whose head was as small as a button;
So to make it look big he purchased a wig,
And rapidly rushed about Dutton.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Dutton,
Whose head was as tiny as a button;
To make it seem larger, he bought a wig,
And hurried all around Dutton.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man who said, "Hush!
I perceive a young bird in this bush!"
When they said, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not at all;
It is four times as big as the bush!"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man who said, "Shh!
I see a young bird in this bush!"
When they asked, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not at all;
It’s four times bigger than the bush!"

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Russia,
Who screamed so that no one could hush her;
Her screams were extreme,—no one heard such a scream
As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Russia,
Who screamed so loudly that no one could quiet her;
Her screams were intense—no one had ever heard a scream
Like the one from that woman in Russia.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Tyre,
Who swept the loud chords of a lyre;
At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep,
And enchanted the city of Tyre.

nonsense pictures
There was a young lady from Tyre,
Who played the loud strings of a lyre;
With every stroke, she captivated the crowd,
And charmed the city of Tyre.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Bangor,
Whose face was distorted with anger;
He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots,
That borascible Person of Bangor.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Bangor,
Whose face was twisted with anger;
He took off his boots and lived off roots,
That cranky person from Bangor.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
But they all ate so much, and their conduct was such,
That it killed that Old Man of the East.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the East,
Who threw a big feast for his kids;
But they all ate too much, and their behavior was such,
That it ended up killing that old man from the East.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Coast,
Who placidly sat on a post;
But when it was cold he relinquished his hold,
And called for some hot buttered toast.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the coast,
Who calmly sat on a post;
But when it got cold he let go his hold,
And asked for some hot buttered toast.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Kamschatka,
Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur;
His gait and his waddle were held as a model
To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Kamschatka,
Who had an extremely fat dog;
His walk and his waddle were seen as a standard
For all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Gretna,
Who rushed down the crater of Etna;
When they said, "Is it hot?" he replied, "No, it's not!"
That mendacious Old Person of Gretna.

nonsense pictures
There was an elderly person from Gretna,
Who raced down the volcano of Etna;
When they asked, "Is it hot?" he replied, "No, it’s not!"
That dishonest old person from Gretna.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who sat on a Horse when he reared;
But they said, "Never mind! you will fall off behind,
You propitious Old Man with a beard!"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with a beard,
Who sat on a horse when it reared;
But they said, "Don't worry! You'll fall off the back,
You fortunate old man with a beard!"

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Berlin,
Whose form was uncommonly thin;
Till he once, by mistake, was mixed up in a cake,
So they baked that Old Man of Berlin.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Berlin,
Whose figure was really quite slim;
But one day, by chance, he got caught in a dance,
And they baked that old man from Berlin.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the West,
Who never could get any rest;
So they set him to spin on his nose and his chin,
Which cured that Old Man of the West.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from the West,
Who could never find any rest;
So they had him spin on his nose and his chin,
Which finally gave that old man some rest.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Cheadle
Was put in the stocks by the Beadle
For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs,
That horrible person of Cheadle.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Cheadle
Who got locked up by the Beadle
For stealing some pigs, some coats, and some wigs,
That awful person from Cheadle.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Anerley,
Whose conduct was strange and unmannerly;
He rushed down the Strand with a Pig in each hand,
But returned in the evening to Anerley.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Anerley,
Whose behavior was weird and rude;
He ran down the Strand with a pig in each hand,
But came back in the evening to Anerley.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Who caught a large Fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook, she exclaimed, "Only look!"
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.

nonsense pictures
There was a young lady from Wales,
Who caught a big fish without scales;
When she pulled up her hook, she shouted, "Just look!"
That thrilled young lady from Wales.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Welling,
Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
She played on the harp, and caught several Carp,
That accomplished Young Lady of Welling.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Welling,
Whose praises everyone was telling;
She played the harp and caught some fish,
That talented young woman from Welling.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
Who divided his jugular artery;
But he screeched to his Wife, and she said, "Oh, my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary!"

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Tartary,
Who cut his own jugular artery;
But he yelled to his wife, and she said, "Oh, my life!
Everyone in Tartary will feel your strife!"

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Whitehaven,
Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
But they said, "It's absurd to encourage this bird!"
So they smashed that Old Man of Whitehaven.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man from Whitehaven,
Who danced a quadrille with a Raven;
But they said, "It's ridiculous to support this bird!"
So they got rid of that Old Man from Whitehaven.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Sweden,
Who went by the slow train to Weedon;
When they cried, "Weedon Station!" she made no observation,
But thought she should go back to Sweden.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Sweden,
who took the slow train to Weedon;
when they shouted, "Weedon Station!" she didn’t say a word,
but thought she should head back to Sweden.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Chester,
Whom several small children did pester;
They threw some large stones, which broke most of his bones,
And displeased that Old Person of Chester.

nonsense pictures
There was an elderly person from Chester,
Whom several little kids would bother;
They tossed some big stones, which broke many of his bones,
And upset that elderly person from Chester.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Cape,
Who possessed a large Barbary Ape;
Till the Ape, one dark night, set the house all alight,
Which burned that Old Man of the Cape.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from the Cape,
Who had a huge Barbary ape;
But one dark night, the ape set the house on fire,
And that old man from the Cape burned up.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Burton,
Whose answers were rather uncertain;
When they said, "How d' ye do?" he replied, "Who are you?"
That distressing Old Person of Burton.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Burton,
Whose replies were kinda uncertain;
When they asked, "How are you?" he replied, "Who are you?"
That confusing old person from Burton.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Ems
Who casually fell in the Thames;
And when he was found, they said he was drowned,
That unlucky Old Person of Ems.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Ems
Who accidentally fell in the Thames;
And when they found him, they said he drowned,
That unfortunate old person from Ems.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Girl of Majorca,
Whose Aunt was a very fast walker;
She walked seventy miles, and leaped fifteen stiles,
Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.

nonsense pictures
There was a young girl from Majorca,
Whose aunt walked really fast;
She walked seventy miles and jumped fifteen fences,
Which amazed that girl from Majorca.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was excessively cool;
So she put it to boil by the aid of some oil,
That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Poole,
Whose soup was way too cool;
So she heated it up with a little oil,
That clever young woman from Poole.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Lady of Prague,
Whose language was horribly vague;
When they said, "Are these caps?" she answered, "Perhaps!"
That oracular Lady of Prague.

nonsense pictures
There was an old lady from Prague,
Whose speech was incredibly unclear;
When they asked, "Are these caps?" she'd reply, "Maybe!"
That enigmatic lady from Prague.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Parma,
Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer:
When they said, "Are you dumb?" she merely said, "Hum!"
That provoking Young Lady of Parma.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Parma,
Whose behavior became more and more composed:
When they asked, "Are you mute?" she just replied, "Hum!"
That infuriating young woman from Parma.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Sparta,
Who had twenty-five sons and one "darter;"
He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in scales,
That wonderful Person of Sparta.

nonsense pictures
There was an old person from Sparta,
Who had twenty-five sons and one "darter;"
He fed them on snails and weighed them on scales,
That remarkable person from Sparta.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man on whose nose
Most birds of the air could repose;
But they all flew away at the closing of day,
Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man whose nose
Most birds in the sky could rest on;
But they all flew away at sunset,
Which was a relief for that old man and his nose.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
Who wept when the weather was murky;
When the day turned out fine, she ceased to repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.

nonsense pictures
There was a young lady from Turkey,
Who cried when the weather got murky;
When the day turned out nice, she stopped feeling twice,
That unpredictable young lady from Turkey.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Aôsta
Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;
But they said, "Don't you see she has run up a tree,
You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Aôsta
Who had a big cow, but he lost her;
But they said, "Can't you see she's climbed a tree,
You jealous old man from Aôsta?"

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Person of Crete,
Whose toilette was far from complete;
She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with black,
That ombliferous Person of Crete.

nonsense pictures
There was a young person from Crete,
Whose outfit was far from neat;
She wore a sack that was speckled with black,
That strange person from Crete.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who was madly pursued by a Bear;
When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired,
That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

nonsense pictures
There was a young lady from Clare,
Who was wildly chased by a bear;
When she realized she was worn out, she suddenly passed out,
That poor lady from Clare.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its color and size so bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Dorking,
Who got a big hat for strolling;
But its color and size were so overwhelming,
That she quickly headed back to Dorking.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat on a Chair till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat in a chair until he died from despair,
That sorrowful man from Cape Horn.

nonsense pictures
There was an old Person of Cromer,
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Cromer,
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he noticed he got stiff, he jumped off the cliff,
And that was the end of that guy from Cromer.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of the Hague,
Whose ideas were excessively vague;
He built a balloon to examine the moon,
That deluded Old Man of the Hague.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from The Hague,
Whose ideas were really unclear;
He built a balloon to check out the moon,
That confused old man from The Hague.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Spain,
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sate on a chair with his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Spain,
Who could not stand trouble or pain;
So he sat in a chair with his feet in the air,
That shady old guy from Spain.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man who said, "Well!
Will nobody answer this bell?
I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white,
But nobody answers this bell!"

nonsense pictures
There was an old man who said, "Well!
Will no one answer this bell?
I've pulled it day and night, until my hair has turned white,
But no one answers this bell!"

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with an Owl,
Who continued to bother and howl;
He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his Owl.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with an owl,
who kept on bothering and howling;
He sat on a fence and drank bitter ale,
Which refreshed that old man and his owl.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man in a casement,
Who held up his hands in amazement;
When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" he replied, "Not at all!"
That incipient Old Man in a casement.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man by a window,
Who raised his hands in surprise;
When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" he answered, "Not a chance!"
That beginning old man by a window.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Person of Ewell,
Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice,
Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.

nonsense pictures
There was an old guy from Ewell,
Who mainly lived on gruel;
But to make it more tasty, he added some mice,
Which cheered up that old guy from Ewell.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man of Peru.
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair, and behaved like a bear,
That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.

nonsense pictures
There was an old man from Peru.
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore out his hair and acted like a bear,
That quirky old man from Peru.

nonsense pictures
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared!—
Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard."

nonsense pictures
There was an old man with a beard,
who said, "Just as I feared!—
Two owls and a hen, four larks and a wren,
have all made their nests in my beard."

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady whose eyes
Were unique as to color and size;
When she opened them wide, people all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman whose eyes
Were one of a kind in both color and size;
When she opened them wide, everyone looked away,
And hurried off in shock.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs,
And frequently walked about Ryde.

nonsense pictures
There was a young woman from Ryde,
Whose shoelaces were rarely untied;
She bought some clogs and a few tiny spotted dogs,
And often strolled around Ryde.

nonsense pictures
There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
But she said, "I don't care! all the birds in the air
Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!"

nonsense pictures
There was a young lady whose hat Came untied when the birds landed on it; But she said, "I don’t mind! All the birds in the sky Are welcome to sit on my hat!"
 

NONSENSE SONGS.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Duck and the Kangaroo The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly The Jumblies The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs Calico Pie Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs The Table And The Chair

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Duck and the Kangaroo The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly The Jumblies The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs Calico Pie Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs The Table And The Chair

The Owl and The Pussy-cat

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

I.

I.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat: They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar, "O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a cute pea-green boat: They took some honey and a lot of money
Wrapped in a five-pound note. The Owl looked up at the stars above,
And played on a little guitar, "O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful cat you are, You are, You are! "What a beautiful cat you are!"

II.

II.

Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing! Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?" They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows; And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose.

Pussy said to the Owl, "You fancy bird,
You sing so beautifully! Oh! let's get married; we've waited too long:
But what are we going to do about a ring? They sailed away for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong tree grows; And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring in his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring in his nose.

The Owl and the Pussy-cat

III.

III.

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will." So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

"Dear Pig, will you sell your ring for one shilling?
The Pig said, "I will." They took it away and got married the next day
By the Turkey living on the hill.

They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon.

They had minced meat and slices of quince,
They ate it with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced in the moonlight, The moon, The moon, They danced under the moonlight.

The Owl and the Pussy-cat
The Duck and the Kangaroo

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

I.

I.

Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
"Good gracious! how you hop Over the fields, and the water too,
As if you never would stop! My life is a bore in this nasty pond;
And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you," Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
"Wow! You can definitely jump!" Over the fields and the water too,
Like you'll never quit! My life is dull in this muddy pond;
And I can’t wait to explore the world beyond:
"I wish I could jump like you." The Duck said to the Kangaroo.

II.

II.

"Please give me a ride on your back,"
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo: "I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack'
The whole of the long day through; And we 'd go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land, and over the sea:
Please take me a ride! oh, do!" Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

"Please give me a ride on your back,"
said the Duck to the Kangaroo: "I would sit still and say nothing but 'Quack'
the entire long day long; And we'd go to Dee and Jelly Bo Lee,
Across the land and over the sea:
"Please take me for a ride! Oh, please!" said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

The Duck and the Kangaroo

III.

III.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
"This requires some little reflection. Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;
And there seems but one objection; Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo- Matiz," said the Kangaroo.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
"I need to think this over a bit." Maybe, overall, it could bring me some good luck;
However, there is one small problem; To be honest, if I can be a bit forward,
Your feet are really wet and cold,
And might give me the roo-__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ "Matiz," said the Kangaroo.

IV.

IV.

Said the Duck, "As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely; And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly; And, to keep out the cold, I've bought a cloak;
And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true Love of a Kangaroo."

Said the Duck, "As I sat on the rocks,
I considered that thoroughly; And I bought four pairs of warm socks,
That fit my webbed feet perfectly; And to stay warm, I got a cloak;
And every day, I'll smoke a cigar;
All to follow my one true __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ "Love, a Kangaroo."

V.

V.

Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready,
All in the moonlight pale; But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,
And quite at the end of my tail."

Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready,
All in the moonlight; But to balance me right, dear Duck, sit still,
"And right at the end of my tail."

The Duck and the Kangaroo

So away they went with a hop and a bound;
And they hopped the whole world three times round.
And who so happy, oh! who, As the Duck and the Kangaroo?

So off they went with a jump and a leap;
And they jumped around the whole world three times.
And who's happier, oh! who, Than the Duck and the Kangaroo?

The Duck and the Kangaroo
The Daddy Long-legs and the Fly

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

I.

I.

Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Dressed in brown and gray, Walked about upon the sands
Upon a summer's day: And there among the pebbles,
When the wind was rather cold, He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,
All dressed in blue and gold; And, as it was too soon to dine,
They drank some periwinkle-wine,
And played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.

Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Wearing brown and gray, Walked along the sands
On a summer day: And there among the pebbles,
When the wind was a little cold, He ran into Mr. Floppy Fly,
All dressed in blue and gold; And since it was too early to eat,
They shared some periwinkle wine,
And played for an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.

II.

II.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly, "Why do you never come to court?
I wish you 'd tell me why. All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
You'd quite delight the court. Why do you never go at all?
I really think you ought. And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
And, more than all, the king and queen,—
One in red, and one in green."

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly, "Why do you never come to the court?
I wish you would explain why. All dressed up in gold and shiny clothes,
You would really light up the court. Why don’t you ever go at all?
I honestly think you should. And, if you went, you’d see amazing things!
Such rugs and jugs and candle lights!
And, more than anything, the king and queen,—
One in red, and one in green."

III.

III.

"O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "It's true I never go to court;
And I will tell you why. If I had six long legs like yours,
At once I'd go to court; But, oh! I can't, because my legs
Are so extremely short. And I'm afraid the king and queen
(One in red, and one in green)
Would say aloud, 'You are not fit,
You Fly, to come to court a bit!'"

"O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "It's true I never go to court;
And I'll tell you why. If I had six long legs like yours,
I’d go to court right away; But, oh! I can't, because my legs
Are just way too short. And I'm scared the king and queen
(One in red, and one in green)
Would say, 'You're not fit,
You Fly, to come to court at all!'"

IV.

IV.

"Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "I wish you 'd sing one little song,
One mumbian melody. You used to sing so awful well
In former days gone by; But now you never sing at all:
I wish you'd tell me why: For, if you would, the silvery sound
Would please the shrimps and cockles round,
And all the crabs would gladly come
To hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum!'"

"Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "I wish you’d sing just one little song,
One catchy song. You used to sing so incredibly well
In the past; But now you never sing at all:
I wish you would tell me why: For if you did, the lovely sound
Would delight the shrimps and cockles around,
And all the crabs would happily come
To hear you sing, 'Ah, Hum di Hum!'"

V.

V.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
"I can never sing again; And, if you wish, I'll tell you why,
Although it gives me pain. For years I cannot hum a bit,
Or sing the smallest song; And this the dreadful reason is,—
My legs are grown too long! My six long legs, all here and there,
Oppress my bosom with despair;
And, if I stand or lie or sit,
I cannot sing one single bit!"

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
"I can't sing anymore;" And, if you want, I'll tell you why,
Even though it hurts. For years I haven't been able to hum a note,
Or sing even the smallest song; And this is the terrible reason,—
My legs have become too long! My six long legs, all over the place,
Weigh down my heart with despair;
And, whether I stand or lie or sit,
I can't sing a single bit!"

VI.

VI.

So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly Sat down in silence by the sea,
And gazed upon the sky. They said, "This is a dreadful thing!
The world has all gone wrong, Since one has legs too short by half,
The other much too long. One never more can go to court,
Because his legs have grown too short;
The other cannot sing a song,
Because his legs have grown too long!"

So Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly Sat quietly by the sea,
And gazed at the sky. They said, "This is terrible!
The world is really messed up, Since one has legs that are way too short,
And the other person's legs are way too long. One can’t go to court anymore,
Because his legs are too short;
The other can’t sing a song,
Because his legs are too long!"

VII.

VII.

Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly Rushed downward to the foamy sea
With one sponge-taneous cry: And there they found a little boat,
Whose sails were pink and gray; And off they sailed among the waves,
Far and far away: They sailed across the silent main,
And reached the great Gromboolian Plain;
And there they play forevermore
At battlecock and shuttledore.

Then Mr. Daddy Long-legs
And Mr. Floppy Fly Raced down to the foamy ocean
With a sudden shout: And there they found a little boat,
With sails in pink and gray; And off they sailed on the waves,
Far, far away: They sailed across the quiet sea,
And reached the vast Gromboolian Plain;
And there they play forevermore
At battlecock and shuttledore.

The Daddy Long-legs and the Fly
The Jumblies

THE JUMBLIES.

I.

I.

They went to sea in a sieve, they did;
In a sieve they went to sea: In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,
In a sieve they went to sea. And when the sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, "You'll all be drowned!"
They called aloud, "Our sieve ain't big;
But we don't care a button, we don't care a fig:
In a sieve we'll go to sea!" Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue And they went to sea in a sieve.

They went to sea in a sieve, they did;
They set sail in a sieve: Despite all their friends' warnings,
On a winter morning, on a stormy day,
They set off to sea in a sieve. And when the sieve spun around and around,
And everyone shouted, "You'll all drown!"
They called out, "Our sieve isn't big;
But we don't care at all, we don't care one bit:
"In a sieve, we'll set sail!" Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies reside: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue. And they set sail in a sieve.

II.

II.

They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
In a sieve they sailed so fast, With only a beautiful pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, by way of a sail,
To a small tobacco-pipe mast. And every one said who saw them go,
"Oh! won't they be soon upset, you know?
For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long;
And, happen what may, it's extremely wrong
In a sieve to sail so fast." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

They sailed away in a sieve, they did,
They sailed so quickly in a sieve, With just a lovely pea-green veil
Tied with a ribbon, serving as a sail,
To a small smoking pipe. And everyone who saw them go said,
"Oh! won’t they get tipped over soon, you know?
Because the sky is dark, and the journey is long;
And, whatever happens, it’s really wrong
"To sail so quickly in a sieve." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they set out to sea in a sieve.

III.

III.

The water it soon came in, it did;
The water it soon came in: So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
In a pinky paper all folded neat;
And they fastened it down with a pin. And they passed the night in a crockery-jar;
And each of them said, "How wise we are!
Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long,
Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,
While round in our sieve we spin." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

The water came in quickly, it did;
The water flooded in quickly: So, to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet
In pink paper all neatly folded;
And they fastened it with a pin. And they spent the night in a ceramic jar;
And each of them said, "How clever we are!
Though the sky is dark, and the journey is long,
We can never think we were reckless or wrong,
"While we spin round in our sieve." Rare and distant, rare and distant, Are the lands where the Jumblies reside: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they set sail in a sieve.

IV.

IV.

And all night long they sailed away;
And when the sun went down, They whistled and warbled a moony song
To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,
In the shade of the mountains brown. "O Timballoo! How happy we are
When we live in a sieve and a crockery-jar!
And all night long, in the moonlight pale,
We sail away with a pea-green sail
In the shade of the mountains brown." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

And all night long they sailed away;
And when the sun went down, They whistled and sang a moonlit song
To the echoing sound of a copper gong,
In the shade of the brown mountains. "O Timballoo! How happy we are
When we live in a sieve and a pottery jar!
And all night long, in the pale moonlight,
We sail away with a pea-green sail
"In the shadow of the brown mountains." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies reside: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

V.

V.

They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,—
To a land all covered with trees: And they bought an owl, and a useful cart,
And a pound of rice, and a cranberry-tart,
And a hive of silvery bees; And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
And a lovely monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
And no end of Stilton cheese. Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,—
To a land completely filled with trees: And they bought an owl, and a handy cart,
And a pound of rice, and a cranberry pie,
And a hive of shiny bees; And they bought a pig, and some green jackdaws,
And a cute monkey with lollipop paws,
And forty bottles of ring-bo-ree,
And a lot of Stilton cheese. Rare and few, rare and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they set sail in a sieve.

VI.

VI.

And in twenty years they all came back,—
In twenty years or more; And every one said, "How tall they've grown!
For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
And the hills of the Chankly Bore." And they drank their health, and gave them a feast
Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast;
And every one said, "If we only live,
We, too, will go to sea in a sieve,
To the hills of the Chankly Bore." Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they went to sea in a sieve.

And in twenty years they all came back,—
In twenty years or longer; And everyone said, "Wow, how tall they've gotten!
They've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,
"And the hills of the Chankly Bore." And they raised a toast to their health and threw them a feast
Of dumplings made of delicious yeast;
And everyone said, "If we just live,
We, too, will go to sea in a sieve,
"To the hills of the Chankly Bore." Rare and infrequent, rare and infrequent, Are the lands where the Jumblies reside: Their heads are green, and their hands are blue; And they set sail in a sieve.

The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-tongs

THE NUTCRACKERS AND THE SUGAR-TONGS.

I.

I.

The Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table;
The Sugar-tongs sate by a plate at his side; And the Nutcrackers said, "Don't you wish we were able
Along the blue hills and green meadows to ride? Must we drag on this stupid existence forever,
So idle and weary, so full of remorse, While every one else takes his pleasure, and never
Seems happy unless he is riding a horse?

The Nutcrackers sat by a plate on the table;
The sugar tongs rested next to a plate beside him; And the Nutcrackers said, "Don’t you wish we could
Ride through the blue hills and green fields? Must we keep dragging on this boring life forever,
So pointless and exhausting, so filled with regret, While everyone else enjoys themselves, and never
"Looks happy unless they're on a horse?"

II.

II.

"Don't you think we could ride without being instructed,
Without any saddle or bridle or spur? Our legs are so long, and so aptly constructed,
I'm sure that an accident could not occur. Let us all of a sudden hop down from the table,
And hustle downstairs, and each jump on a horse! Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we are able?"
The Sugar-tongs answered distinctly, "Of course!"

"Don't you think we could ride without being told,
No saddle, bridle, or spurs at all? Our legs are so long and built just right,
I'm sure we won't have an accident. Let’s suddenly hop down from the table,
And hurry downstairs, and each of you jump on a horse! Shall we try? Shall we go? Do you think we can?"
The Sugar-tongs responded clearly, "Of course!"

III.

III.

So down the long staircase they hopped in a minute;
The Sugar-tongs snapped, and the Crackers said "Crack!" The stable was open; the horses were in it:
Each took out a pony, and jumped on his back. The Cat in a fright scrambled out of the doorway;
The Mice tumbled out of a bundle of hay; The brown and white Rats, and the black ones from Norway,
Screamed out, "They are taking the horses away!"

So they quickly hopped down the long staircase;
The sugar tongs snapped, and the crackers went "Crack!" The stable was open; the horses were inside:
They each took a pony and hopped onto its back. The cat scrambled out of the doorway in a panic;
The mice tumbled out of a haystack; The brown and white rats, along with the black ones from Norway,
They shouted, "They're taking the horses away!"

IV.

IV.

The whole of the household was filled with amazement:
The Cups and the Saucers danced madly about; The Plates and the Dishes looked out of the casement;
The Salt-cellar stood on his head with a shout; The Spoons, with a clatter, looked out of the lattice;
The Mustard-pot climbed up the gooseberry-pies; The Soup-ladle peeped through a heap of veal-patties,
And squeaked with a ladle-like scream of surprise.

The whole house was filled with amazement:
The cups and saucers spun around crazily; The Plates and the Dishes peeked out of the window;
The salt shaker was upside down, yelling; The Spoons, clattering, looked out of the lattice;
The mustard pot climbed up the gooseberry pies; The Soup-ladle peeked through a pile of veal patties,
And let out a loud, startled shriek like the sound of a ladle.

V.

V.

The Frying-pan said, "It's an awful delusion!"
The Tea-kettle hissed, and grew black in the face; And they all rushed downstairs in the wildest confusion
To see the great Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race. And out of the stable, with screamings and laughter
(Their ponies were cream-colored, speckled with brown), The Nutcrackers first, and the Sugar-tongs after;
Rode all round the yard, and then all round the town.

The Frying-pan said, "What a crazy illusion!"
The tea kettle hissed and turned black in appearance; And they all rushed downstairs in the craziest chaos
To watch the big Nutcracker-Sugar-tong race. And out of the stable, with screams and laughter
Their ponies were cream-colored with brown spots. The Nutcrackers went first, followed by the Sugar-tongs;
They rode all around the yard and then around the town.

VI.

VI.

They rode through the street, and they rode by the station;
They galloped away to the beautiful shore; In silence they rode, and "made no observation,"
Save this: "We will never go back any more!" And still you might hear, till they rode out of hearing,
The Sugar-tongs snap, and the Crackers say "Crack!" Till, far in the distance their forms disappearing,
They faded away; and they never came back!

They rode down the street and passed by the station;
They rode off to the stunning beach; In silence they rode, “making no comments,”
"We're never going back!" And you could still hear, until they were out of earshot,
The sugar tongs clipping and the crackers going "Crack!" Until, far in the distance, their figures faded away,
They vanished and never came back!

CALICO PIE.

Calico Pie

I.

I.

Calico pie, The little birds fly Down to the calico-tree: Their wings were blue,
And they sang "Tilly-loo!"
Till away they flew;
And they never came back to me! They never came back, They never came back, They never came back to me!

Calico pie, The tiny birds fly Down to the calico tree: Their wings were blue,
And they sang "Tilly-loo!"
Till away they flew;
And they never returned to me! They never returned. They never returned. They never returned to me!

II.

II.

Calico jam, The little Fish swam Over the Syllabub Sea.
He took off his hat To the Sole and the Sprat, And the Willeby-wat:

Calico jam, The tiny fish swam Over the Syllabub Sea.
He removed his hat To the Sole and the Sprat, And the Willeby-wat:

Calico Pie

But he never came back to me;
He never came back, He never came back, He never came back to me.

But he never came back to me;
He never returned. He never returned. He never came back to me.

III.

III.

Calico ban, The little Mice ran To be ready in time for tea;
Flippity flup, They drank it all up, And danced in the cup: But they never came back to me;
They never came back, They never came back, They never came back to me

Calico ban, The tiny mice rushed To get ready in time for tea;
Flippity flop, They drank it all. And danced in the cup: But they never returned to me;
They never came back, They never came back, They never returned to me

Calico Pie

IV.

IV.

Calico drum, The Grasshoppers come, The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
Over the ground, Around and round, With a hop and a bound;

Calico drum, The Grasshoppers have arrived, The Butterfly, Beetle, and Bee,
Across the floor, Going in circles, With a jump and a leap;

Calico Pie

But they never came back,
They never came back, They never came back. They never came back to me.

But they never came back,
They never returned. They never returned. They never came back to me.

Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow

MR. AND MRS. SPIKKY SPARROW.

I.

I.

On a little piece of wood
Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood:
Mrs. Sparrow sate close by,
A-making of an insect-pie
For her little children five,
In the nest and all alive;
Singing with a cheerful smile,
To amuse them all the while,
"Twikky wikky wikky wee, Wikky bikky twikky tee, Spikky bikky bee!"

On a small piece of wood
Mr. Spikky Sparrow stood:
Mrs. Sparrow sat nearby,
Making an insect pie
For her five little kids,
In the nest and all alive;
Singing with a happy smile,
To entertain them all the while,
"Twikky wikky wikky wee," Wikky bikky twikky tee, Spiky cookie bee!

II.

II.

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
"Spikky, darling! in my head
Many thoughts of trouble come,
Like to flies upon a plum.
All last night, among the trees,
I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
And thought I, 'It's come to that
Because he does not wear a hat!'
Chippy wippy sikky tee, Bikky wikky tikky mee, Spikky chippy wee!

Mrs. Spikky Sparrow said,
"Spikky, sweetheart! In my mind,
There are so many worries,
Like flies buzzing around a plum.
All last night, under the trees,
I heard you cough, I heard you sneeze;
And I thought, 'It’s gotten to this
Because he isn’t wearing a hat!'
Chippy wippy sikky tee, Bikky wikky tikky mee, Spiky crispy snack!

III.

III.

"Not that you are growing old;
But the nights are growing cold.
No one stays out all night long
Without a hat: I'm sure it's wrong!"
Mr. Spikky said, "How kind,
Dear, you are, to speak your mind!
All your life I wish you luck!
You are, you are, a lovely duck!
Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twitchy witchy witchy bee, Tikky tikky tee!

"Not that you're getting old;
But the nights are getting cold.
No one stays out all night long
Without a hat: I'm sure that's wrong!"
Mr. Spikky said, "How kind,
Dear, you are, to share your thoughts!
All your life I wish you luck!
You are, you are, a lovely duck!
Witchy witchy witchy woo, Twitchy witchy witchy bee, TikTok TikTok!

IV.

IV.

"I was also sad, and thinking,
When one day I saw you winking,
And I heard you sniffle-snuffle,
And I saw your feathers ruffle:
To myself I sadly said,
'She's neuralgia in her head!
That dear head has nothing on it!
Ought she not to wear a bonnet?'
Witchy kitchy kitchy wee, Spikky wikky mikky bee, Chippy wippy chee!

"I was feeling down, and I thought,
When one day I noticed you winking,
And I heard you sniffle and snuffle,
And I saw your feathers fluff:
To myself I said sadly,
'She's got a headache for sure!
That poor head isn't doing well!
Shouldn't she wear a hat?'
Witchy kitchy kitchy wee, Spiky wiky micky bee, Chippy wippy chee!

V.

V.

"Let us both fly up to town:
There I'll buy you such a gown!
Which, completely in the fashion,
You shall tie a sky-blue sash on;
And a pair of slippers neat
To fit your darling little feet,
So that you will look and feel
Quite galloobious and genteel.
Jikky wikky bikky see, Chicky bikky wikky bee, Twicky witchy wee!"

"Let's both head to the city:
There, I'll buy you a stylish dress!
One that's totally in fashion,
You can add a sky-blue sash;
And a pair of neat slippers
To fit your lovely little feet,
So that you will look and feel
Quite fabulous and classy.
Jikky wikky bikky see, Chicky bicky wicky bee, Twicky witchy wee!

VI.

VI.

So they both to London went,
Alighting on the Monument;
Whence they flew down swiftly—pop!
Into Moses' wholesale shop:
There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And a gown with spots upon it,
A satin sash of Cloxam blue,
And a pair of slippers too.
Zikky wikky mikky bee, Witchy witchy mitchy kee, Sikky tikky wee!

So they both went to London,
Get off at the Monument;
Then they quickly flew down—pop!
Into Moses' wholesale store:
There they bought a hat and bonnet,
And a dress with spots on it,
A satin sash of Cloxam blue,
And a pair of slippers too.
Zikky wikky mikky bee, Witchy witchy mitchy key, Silly little thing!

VII.

VII.

Then, when so completely dressed,
Back they flew, and reached their nest.
Their children cried, "O ma and pa!
How truly beautiful you are!"
Said they, "We trust that cold or pain
We shall never feel again;
While, perched on tree or house or steeple,
We now shall look like other people.
Witchy witchy witchy wee, Twikky mikky bikky bee, Zikky sikky tee!" Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow

Then, once they were fully dressed,
They flew back and reached their nest.
Their kids yelled, "Oh Mom and Dad!
You look so beautiful!"
They said, "We hope to never feel cold or pain
Again; while perched on a tree, house, or steeple,
We will finally look like everyone else.
Witchy witchy witchy woo, Twikky mikky bikky bee, Zikky sikky tee! Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow

The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs.

THE BROOM, THE SHOVEL, THE POKER, AND THE TONGS.

I.

I.

The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
They all took a drive in the Park; And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
Before they went back in the dark. Mr. Poker he sate quite upright in the coach;
Mr. Tongs made a clatter and clash; Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch);
Mrs. Broom was in blue (with a sash). Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! And they all sang a song.

The Broom and the Shovel, the Poker and Tongs,
They all went for a drive in the park; And they each sang a song, ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!
Before they returned to the darkness. Mr. Poker sat straight in the carriage;
Mr. Tongs made a loud noise and ruckus; Miss Shovel was dressed all in black (with a brooch);
Mrs. Broom was wearing blue (with a sash). Ding-dong! And they all sang a song.

II.

II.

"O Shovely so lovely!" the Poker he sang,
"You have perfectly conquered my heart. Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you're pleased with my song,
I will feed you with cold apple-tart. When you scrape up the coals with a delicate sound,
You enrapture my life with delight, Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round,
And your shape is so slender and bright! Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! Ain't you pleased with my song?"

"O Shovely so lovely!" the Poker sang,
"You've completely won me over." Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! If you like my song,
I'll buy you a slice of cold apple tart. When you softly scrape up the coals,
You bring happiness to my life, Your nose is so shiny, your head is so round,
And your figure is so slim and vibrant! Ding-dong! "Are you not happy with my song?"

III.

III.

"Alas! Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song,
"Oh! is it because I'm so thin, And my legs are so long,—ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!—
That you don't care about me a pin? Ah! fairest of creatures, when sweeping the room,
Ah! why don't you heed my complaint? Must you needs be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
Because you are covered with paint? Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! You are certainly wrong."

"Alas! Mrs. Broom," sighed the Tongs in his song,
"Oh! Is it because I'm so skinny, And my legs are so long,—ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong!—
That you don't care about me at all? Ah! fairest of creatures, when you're cleaning the room,
Ah! Why won't you listen to my complaint? Must you really be so cruel, you beautiful Broom,
Just because you're covered in paint? Ding-dong! You're definitely mistaken.

IV.

IV.

Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel together they sang,
"What nonsense you're singing to-day!" Said the Shovel, "I'll certainly hit you a bang!"
Said the Broom, "And I'll sweep you away!" So the coachman drove homeward as fast as he could,
Perceiving their anger with pain; But they put on the kettle, and little by little
They all became happy again. Ding-a-dong, ding-a-dong! There's an end of my song. The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs.

Mrs. Broom and Miss Shovel sang together,
"What's this nonsense you're singing?" The Shovel said, "I'll definitely give you a whack!"
The Broom said, "And I'll sweep you away!" So the coachman drove home as fast as he could,
Noticing their anger and discomfort; But they put on the kettle, and little by little
They all began to feel happy again. Ding-dong, ding-dong! That's the end of my song. The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs.

The Table and the Chair

THE TABLE AND THE CHAIR.

I.

I.

Said the Table to the Chair,
"You can hardly be aware
How I suffer from the heat
And from chilblains on my feet.
If we took a little walk,
We might have a little talk;
Pray let us take the air,"
Said the Table to the Chair.

Said the Table to the Chair,
"You can barely realize
How much I struggle with the heat
And the chilblains on my feet.
If we took a little walk,
We could have a little chat;
Please, let’s go outside,"
Said the Table to the Chair.

II.

II.

Said the Chair unto the Table,
"Now, you know we are not able:
How foolishly you talk,
When you know we cannot walk!"
Said the Table with a sigh,
"It can do no harm to try.
I've as many legs as you:
Why can't we walk on two?"

Said the Chair to the Table,
"Come on, you know we can't:
How silly you sound,
When you know we can’t walk!"
Said the Table with a sigh,
"It won't hurt to give it a shot.
I've got just as many legs as you:
Why can't we walk on two?"

III.

III.

So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound
As they toddled round and round;
And everybody cried,
As they hastened to their side,
"See! the Table and the Chair
Have come out to take the air!"

So they both walked slowly down,
And strolled around the town
With a cheerful, bumpy sound
As they waddled round and round;
And everyone shouted,
As they rushed to their side,
"Look! the Table and the Chair
Have come out to enjoy the fresh air!"

IV.

IV.

But in going down an alley,
To a castle in a valley,
They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day;
Till, to see them safely back,
They paid a Ducky-quack,
And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.

But while walking down an alley,
To a castle in a valley,
They completely lost their way,
And wandered all day;
Till, to get them safely back,
They paid a Ducky-quack,
And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.

The Table and the Chair

V.

V.

Then they whispered to each other,
"O delightful little brother,
What a lovely walk we've taken!
Let us dine on beans and bacon."
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads
Till they toddled to their beds.

Then they quietly talked to each other,
"O sweet little brother,
What a nice walk we've had!
Let's eat beans and bacon."
So the Ducky and the little
Brown Mouse and the Beetle
Ate and danced on their heads
Till they stumbled off to bed.

The Table and the Chair

NONSENSE STORIES.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple

THE STORY OF THE FOUR LITTLE CHILDREN WHO WENT ROUND THE WORLD.

Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whose names were

Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel;
and they all thought they should like to see the world. So they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world by sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land. The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was yellow with red stripes: and, when they set off, they only took a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an elderly Quangle-Wangle, who had to cook the dinner and make the tea; for which purposes they took a large kettle.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there were four little people named

Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel;
and they all wanted to see the world. So they bought a big boat to sail around the world by sea, and then they planned to return by land on the other side. The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was yellow with red stripes. When they set off, they only took a small Cat to steer and look after the boat, along with an old Quangle-Wangle, who was in charge of cooking dinner and making tea; for that, they brought a large kettle.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat, as there were lots of fish; and they had only to take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the Quangle-Wangle instantly cooked them; and the Pussy-Cat was fed with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased, on the whole: so that all the party were very happy.

For the first ten days, they sailed along nicely and found plenty to eat since there were lots of fish. They just had to scoop them out of the sea with a long spoon, and the Quangle-Wangle would cook them right away. The Pussy-Cat was fed the bones, which she seemed to enjoy overall, so everyone in the group was very happy.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

During the daytime, Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting salt water into a churn; while her three brothers churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter, which it seldom if ever did; and in the evening they all retired into the tea-kettle, where they all managed to sleep very comfortably, while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle managed the boat.

During the day, Violet mainly focused on putting salt water into a churn, while her three brothers churned it hard, hoping it would turn into butter, which it rarely, if ever, did. In the evening, they all went into the tea kettle, where they slept comfortably while Pussy and the Quangle-Wangle took care of the boat.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

After a time, they saw some land at a distance; and, when they came to it, they found it was an island made of water quite surrounded by earth. Besides that, it was bordered by evanescent isthmuses, with a great gulf-stream running about all over it; so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, 503 feet high.

After a while, they spotted some land in the distance, and when they reached it, they discovered it was an island entirely surrounded by water. It also had fleeting isthmuses, with a huge current flowing around it, making it truly beautiful, and it had just one tree, 503 feet tall.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.
When they had landed, they walked about, but found, to their great surprise, that the island was quite full of veal-cutlets and chocolate-drops, and nothing else. So they all climbed up the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were any people; but having remained on the top of the tree for a week, and not seeing anybody, they naturally concluded that there were no inhabitants; and accordingly, when they came down, they loaded the boat with two thousand veal-cutlets and a million of chocolate-drops; and these afforded them sustenance for more than a month, during which time they pursued their voyage with the utmost delight and apathy.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.
When they landed, they explored the area and were surprised to find that the island was completely filled with veal cutlets and chocolate drops, and nothing else. They all climbed up the lone tall tree to see if there were any people around; however, after staying at the top of the tree for a week without seeing anyone, they naturally concluded that there were no inhabitants. So when they came down, they loaded the boat with two thousand veal cutlets and a million chocolate drops. These provided them with food for over a month while they continued their journey with pure enjoyment and indifference.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.
After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-five great red parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and all fast asleep. And I am sorry to say that the Pussy-Cat and the Quangle-Wangle crept softly, and bit off the tail-feathers of all the sixty-five parrots; for which Violet reproved them both severely.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.
After that, they arrived at a shore where there were no less than sixty-five big red parrots with blue tails, all sitting in a row on a rail, sound asleep. Unfortunately, the Pussy-Cat and the Quangle-Wangle quietly crept up and snipped off the tail-feathers of all sixty-five parrots, for which Violet scolded them both harshly.

Notwithstanding which, she proceeded to insert all the feathers—two hundred and sixty in number—in her bonnet; thereby causing it to have a lovely and glittering appearance, highly prepossessing and efficacious.

Despite that, she went ahead and added all the feathers—two hundred and sixty in total—to her hat; making it look beautiful and shiny, very striking and effective.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes that the boat could go on no farther: so they remained there about six weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were soles, and all ready-cooked, and covered with shrimp-sauce, so that there was no trouble whatever.

The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which was so totally filled with fish that the boat couldn’t move any farther. They stayed there for about six weeks until they had eaten almost all the fish, which were soles, already cooked and covered in shrimp sauce, so it was easy for them.

And as the few fishes who remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well as of the difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by the arctic bears and the tropical turnspits, which frequented the neighborhood in great numbers, Violet most amiably knitted a small woollen frock for several of the fishes, and Slingsby administered some opium-drops to them; through which kindness they became quite warm, and slept soundly.

And as the few fish that were left complained about the cold and the trouble they had sleeping because of the loud arctic bears and the tropical turnspits that were around in large numbers, Violet kindly knitted a small woolen dress for several of the fish, and Slingsby gave them some opium drops; thanks to their kindness, the fish warmed up and slept peacefully.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

Then they came to a country which was wholly covered with immense orange-trees of a vast size, and quite full of fruit. So they all landed, taking with them the tea-kettle, intending to gather some of the oranges, and place them in it. But, while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully high wind rose, and blew out most of the parrot-tail feathers from Violet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with the calamity of the oranges falling down on their heads by millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped and thumped them all so seriously, that they were obliged to run as hard as they could for their lives; besides that the sound of the oranges rattling on the tea-kettle was of the most fearful and amazing nature.

Then they arrived in a land completely covered with enormous orange trees that were full of fruit. So they all got off, bringing the kettle with them, planning to pick some oranges and put them in it. But while they were busy doing this, a really strong wind picked up and blew out most of the parrot feathers from Violet's hat. That, however, was nothing compared to the disaster of oranges falling down on their heads by the millions, which thudded and crashed into them so hard that they had to run as fast as they could to escape; on top of that, the noise of the oranges hitting the kettle was incredibly loud and terrifying.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

Nevertheless, they got safely to the boat, although considerably vexed and hurt; and the Quangle-Wangle's right foot was so knocked about, that he had to sit with his head in his slipper for at least a week.

Nevertheless, they made it to the boat safely, though they were quite annoyed and injured; the Quangle-Wangle's right foot was so beat up that he had to sit with his head in his slipper for at least a week.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

This event made them all for a time rather melancholy: and perhaps they might never have become less so, had not Lionel, with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance, continued to stand on one leg,
and whistle to them in a loud and lively manner; which diverted the whole party so extremely that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed that whenever they should reach home, they would subscribe towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of gingerbread and raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and grateful infection.

This event left them all feeling pretty down for a while, and maybe they would have stayed that way if it weren't for Lionel, who, with his admirable dedication and persistence, kept standing on one leg and whistling loudly and cheerfully. This entertained everyone so much that they gradually lifted their spirits and agreed that when they got home, they would chip in for a gift to Lionel, made entirely of gingerbread and raspberries, as a genuine expression of their heartfelt gratitude.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came to another country, where they were much pleased and surprised to see a countless multitude of white Mice with red eyes, all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating custard-pudding with the most satisfactory and polite demeanor.

After sailing on smoothly for several more days, they arrived in another country, where they were delighted and surprised to see a countless number of white mice with red eyes, all sitting in a large circle, slowly eating custard pudding with the most satisfying and polite behavior.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

And as the four travellers were rather hungry, being tired of eating nothing but soles and oranges for so long a period, they held a council as to the propriety of asking the Mice for some of their pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by which they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It was agreed, therefore, that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which he immediately did; and the result was, that they gave a walnut-shell only half full of custard diluted with water. Now, this displeased Guy, who said, "Out of such a lot of pudding as you have got, I must say, you might have spared a somewhat larger quantity." But no sooner had he finished speaking than the Mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in an appalling and vindictive manner (and it is impossible to imagine a more scroobious and unpleasant sound than that caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry Mice); so that Guy rushed back to the boat, having first shied his cap into the middle of the custard-pudding, by which means he completely spoiled the Mice's dinner.

And since the four travelers were pretty hungry, tired of eating nothing but soles and oranges for so long, they decided to discuss whether they should politely ask the Mice for some of their pudding in a way that would be hard for them to refuse. They agreed that Guy should go and ask the Mice, which he did right away. The result was that they gave him a walnut shell only half full of custard mixed with water. This upset Guy, who said, "Out of all that pudding you have, I must say you could have spared a bit more." But as soon as he finished speaking, the Mice turned and sneezed at him in a terrifying and vengeful way (and you can't imagine a more horrible and unpleasant sound than the simultaneous sneezing of millions of angry Mice); so Guy hurried back to the boat, having first thrown his cap into the middle of the custard, which completely ruined the Mice's dinner.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

By and by the four children came to a country where there were no houses, but only an incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks, and of a dazzling and sweetly susceptible blue color. Each of these blue bottles contained a Blue-Bottle-Fly; and all these interesting animals live continually together in the most copious and rural harmony: nor perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness to be found. Violet and Slingsby and Guy and Lionel were greatly struck with this singular and instructive settlement; and, having previously asked permission of the Blue-Bottle-Flies (which was most courteously granted), the boat was drawn up to the shore, and they proceeded to make tea in front of the bottles: but as they had no tea-leaves, they merely placed some pebbles in the hot water; and the Quangle-Wangle played some tunes over it on an accordion, by which, of course, tea was made directly, and of the very best quality.

Eventually, the four children arrived in a land where there were no houses, just an astonishingly countless number of large bottles without corks, all a dazzling and magically inviting shade of blue. Each of these blue bottles held a Blue-Bottle-Fly, and all these fascinating creatures lived together in a state of abundant and peaceful harmony; it's unlikely that such complete and pure happiness can be found in many parts of the world. Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel were quite taken by this unique and enlightening place. After asking the Blue-Bottle-Flies for permission (which was graciously given), they pulled the boat up to the shore and began to make tea in front of the bottles. Since they didn’t have any tea leaves, they just put some pebbles in the hot water, while the Quangle-Wangle played some tunes on an accordion, which, of course, magically brewed the tea right away and to the highest quality.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

The four children then entered into conversation with the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who discoursed in a placid and genteel manner, though with a slightly buzzing accent, chiefly owing to the fact that they each held a small clothes-brush between their teeth, which naturally occasioned a fizzy, extraneous utterance.

The four kids then started chatting with the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who spoke in a calm and refined way, although with a slight buzzing tone, mainly because they each had a small clothes-brush in their mouths, which naturally made their speech sound a bit fizzy and odd.

"Why," said Violet, "would you kindly inform us, do you reside in bottles; and, if in bottles at all, why not, rather, in green or purple, or, indeed, in yellow bottles?"

"Why," Violet asked, "could you please tell us why you live in bottles? And if you do live in bottles, why not in green or purple, or even yellow ones?"

To which questions a very aged Blue-Bottle-Fly answered, "We found the bottles here all ready to live in; that is to say, our great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers did: so we occupied them at once. And, when the winter comes on, we turn the bottles upside down, and consequently rarely feel the cold at all; and you know very well that this could not be the case with bottles of any other color than blue."

To which questions a very old Blue-Bottle-Fly answered, "We found the bottles here all ready to live in; that is to say, our great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers did: so we moved in right away. And when winter comes, we turn the bottles upside down, and as a result, we hardly feel the cold at all; and you know very well that this wouldn’t be the case with bottles of any other color besides blue."

"Of course it could not," said Slingsby. "But, if we may take the liberty of inquiring, on what do you chiefly subsist?"

"Of course it couldn't," said Slingsby. "But if we can ask, what do you mainly live on?"

"Mainly on oyster-patties," said the Blue-Bottle-Fly; "and, when these are scarce, on raspberry vinegar and Russian leather boiled down to a jelly."

"Mainly on oyster patties," said the Blue-Bottle Fly; "and when those are hard to find, on raspberry vinegar and Russian leather boiled down to a jelly."

"How delicious!" said Guy.

"Delicious!" said Guy.

To which Lionel added, "Huzz!" And all the Blue-Bottle-Flies said, "Buzz!"

To which Lionel added, "Huzz!" And all the Blue-Bottle-Flies said, "Buzz!"

At this time, an elderly Fly said it was the hour for the evening-song to be sung; and, on a signal being given, all the Blue-Bottle-Flies began to buzz at once in a sumptuous and sonorous manner, the melodious and mucilaginous sounds echoing all over the waters, and resounding across the tumultuous tops of the transitory titmice upon the intervening and verdant mountains with a serene and sickly suavity only known to the truly virtuous. The Moon was shining slobaciously from the star-bespangled sky, while her light irrigated the smooth and shiny sides and wings and backs of the Blue-Bottle-Flies with a peculiar and trivial splendor, while all Nature cheerfully responded to the cerulean and conspicuous circumstances.

At that moment, an old Fly mentioned that it was time for the evening song to be sung; and, once a signal was given, all the Blue-Bottle-Flies started buzzing together in a rich and vibrant way, their melodic and sticky sounds echoing across the waters and resonating over the chaotic tops of the passing titmice on the lush green mountains with a calm and slightly sickly charm known only to the truly good-hearted. The Moon was shining brightly from the star-filled sky, her light reflecting off the smooth and shiny bodies and wings of the Blue-Bottle-Flies with a unique and minor brilliance, while all of Nature joyfully responded to the bright and noticeable scene.

In many long-after years, the four little travellers looked back to that evening as one of the happiest in all their lives; and it was already past midnight when—the sail of the boat having been set up by the Quangle-Wangle, the tea-kettle and churn placed in their respective positions, and the Pussy-Cat stationed at the helm—the children each took a last and affectionate farewell of the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who walked down in a body to the water's edge to see the travellers embark.

Many years later, the four little travelers looked back on that evening as one of the happiest of their lives; it was already past midnight when—after the Quangle-Wangle had set the sail of the boat, positioned the tea kettle and churn, and stationed the Pussy-Cat at the helm—the children each said a final heartfelt goodbye to the Blue-Bottle-Flies, who gathered at the water's edge to watch the travelers set off.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a courtesy quite down to the ground, and stuck one of her few remaining parrot-tail feathers into the back hair of the most pleasing of the Blue-Bottle-Flies; while Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel offered them three small boxes, containing, respectively, black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts; and thus they left that happy shore forever.

As a sign of farewell respect and admiration, Violet bowed all the way down and stuck one of her last parrot-tail feathers into the back hair of the most charming of the Blue-Bottle-Flies. Meanwhile, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel gave them three small boxes filled with black pins, dried figs, and Epsom salts, and with that, they left that joyful shore for good.

Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers instantly jumped into the tea-kettle, and fell fast asleep. But all along the shore, for many hours, there was distinctly heard a sound of severely-suppressed sobs, and of a vague multitude of living creatures using their pocket-handkerchiefs in a subdued simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly along the walloping waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from the Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.

Overwhelmed by their emotions, the four little travelers quickly jumped into the tea kettle and fell fast asleep. But all along the shore, for many hours, you could distinctly hear the sound of stifled sobs and a vague multitude of living creatures using their handkerchiefs in a quiet, synchronized sniffle, sadly lingering along the rolling waves as the boat sailed farther and farther away from the Land of the Happy Blue-Bottle-Flies.

Nothing particular occurred for some days after these events, except that, as the travellers were passing a low tract of sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle; namely, a large number of Crabs and Crawfish—perhaps six or seven hundred—sitting by the water-side, and endeavoring to disentangle a vast heap of pale pink worsted, which they moistened at intervals with a fluid composed of lavender-water and white-wine negus.

Nothing special happened for a few days after these events, except that as the travelers were crossing a low stretch of sand, they saw an unusual and pleasant sight; a large number of crabs and crawfish—maybe six or seven hundred—sitting by the water's edge, trying to untangle a huge pile of pale pink yarn, which they wet from time to time with a mixture of lavender water and white wine.

"Can we be of any service to you, O crusty Crabbies?" said the four children.

"Can we help you with anything, O grumpy Crabbies?" said the four children.

"Thank you kindly," said the Crabs consecutively. "We are trying to make some worsted mittens, but do not know how."

"Thank you so much," said the Crabs one after the other. "We're trying to make some wool mittens, but we don't know how."

On which Violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the art of mitten-making, said to the Crabs, "Do your claws unscrew, or are they fixtures?"

On that, Violet, who knew all about making mittens, asked the Crabs, "Can your claws unscrew, or are they permanent?"

"They are all made to unscrew," said the Crabs; and forthwith they deposited a great pile of claws close to the boat, with which Violet uncombed all the pale pink worsted, and then made the loveliest mittens with it you can imagine. These the Crabs, having resumed and screwed on their claws, placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly on their hind-legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and in a minor key.

"They can all unscrew," said the Crabs; and immediately they dropped a huge pile of claws next to the boat, which Violet used to untangle all the pale pink yarn, and then made the cutest mittens you can imagine. The Crabs, having put their claws back on, happily placed them on their wrists and walked away quickly on their hind legs, singing songs with a bright voice in a minor key.

After this, the four little people sailed on again till they came to a vast and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on which nothing whatever could be discovered at first; but, as the travellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme and dim distance a single object, which on a nearer approach, and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody in a large white wig, sitting on an arm-chair made of sponge-cakes and oyster-shells. "It does not quite look like a human being," said Violet doubtfully; nor could they make out what it really was, till the Quangle-Wangle (who had previously been round the world) exclaimed softly in a loud voice, "It is the co-operative Cauliflower!"

After this, the four little people set sail again until they reached a vast, wide plain of incredible size, where at first nothing could be seen; but as the travelers walked onward, a single object appeared in the far and dim distance. Upon getting closer and taking a better look, it seemed to be someone in a large white wig, sitting in an armchair made of sponge cakes and oyster shells. "It doesn’t really look like a human," Violet said doubtfully; nor could they figure out what it was, until the Quangle-Wangle (who had traveled the world before) exclaimed softly but loudly, "It is the co-operative Cauliflower!"

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

And so, in truth, it was: and they soon found that what they had taken for an immense wig was in reality the top of the Cauliflower; and that he had no feet at all, being able to walk tolerably well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on a single cabbage-stalk,—an accomplishment which naturally saved him the expense of stockings and shoes.

And so, it was indeed true: they quickly realized that what they thought was a huge wig was actually the top of a cauliflower; and that he didn't have any feet at all, managing to walk quite gracefully on a single cabbage stalk—something that naturally saved him the cost of stockings and shoes.

Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose, and, in a somewhat plumdomphious manner, hurried off towards the setting sun,—his steps supported by two superincumbent confidential Cucumbers, and a large number of Waterwagtails proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a row,—till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of sudorific sand.

Right now, while everyone from the boat was watching him with a mix of love and disgust, he suddenly stood up and, in a somewhat pompous way, hurried off toward the setting sun. His path was flanked by two supportive friends and a bunch of Waterwagtails moving ahead in groups of three until he eventually vanished on the horizon in a sparkling cloud of sweat-soaked sand.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four children very deeply; and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of undeveloped asthma and a great appetite.

So striking a sight, of course, left a strong impression on the four children; and they quickly returned to their boat with a lingering feeling of untapped energy and a big appetite.

Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail directly below some high overhanging rocks, from the top of one of which a particularly odious little boy, dressed in rose-colored knickerbockers, and with a pewter plate upon his head, threw an enormous pumpkin at the boat, by which it was instantly upset.

Shortly after this, the travelers had to sail right under some high overhanging rocks, and from the top of one of them, a particularly annoying little boy, wearing pink knickerbockers and with a metal plate on his head, threw a huge pumpkin at the boat, instantly capsizing it.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the party knew how to swim very well: and, in fact, they preferred swimming about till after the moon rose; when, the water growing chilly, they sponge-taneously entered the boat. Meanwhile the Quangle-Wangle threw back the pumpkin with immense force, so that it hit the rocks where the malicious little boy in rose-colored knickerbockers was sitting; when, being quite full of lucifer-matches, the pumpkin exploded surreptitiously into a thousand bits; whereon the rocks instantly took fire, and the odious little boy became unpleasantly hotter and hotter and hotter, till his knickerbockers were turned quite green, and his nose was burnt off.

But this upset didn’t matter, because everyone in the group knew how to swim really well. In fact, they preferred to swim until after the moon rose; when the water got chilly, they spontaneously got into the boat. Meanwhile, the Quangle-Wangle threw the pumpkin back with great force, so it hit the rocks where the nasty little boy in rose-colored knickerbockers was sitting. Since the pumpkin was full of matches, it suddenly exploded into a thousand pieces, and the rocks instantly caught fire. The annoying little boy got hotter and hotter until his knickerbockers turned completely green and his nose got burned off.

Two or three days after this had happened, they came to another place, where they found nothing at all except some wide and deep pits full of mulberry-jam. This is the property of the tiny, yellow-nosed Apes who abound in these districts, and who store up the mulberry-jam for their food in winter, when they mix it with pellucid pale periwinkle-soup, and serve it out in wedgewood china-bowls, which grow freely all over that part of the country. Only one of the yellow-nosed Apes was on the spot, and he was fast asleep; yet the four travellers and the Quangle-Wangle and Pussy were so terrified by the violence and sanguinary sound of his snoring, that they merely took a small cupful of the jam, and returned to re-embark in their boat without delay.

Two or three days after that, they arrived at another location, where they found nothing but some large, deep pits filled with mulberry jam. This belongs to the little, yellow-nosed Apes that are common in the area, and they save the mulberry jam for winter, mixing it with clear, pale periwinkle soup and serving it in fine china bowls that grow abundantly in that part of the country. Only one yellow-nosed Ape was there, and he was fast asleep; however, the four travelers, along with the Quangle-Wangle and Pussy, were so frightened by the loud and bloody sound of his snoring that they just took a small cup of the jam and quickly returned to their boat.

What was their horror on seeing the boat (including the churn and the tea-kettle) in the mouth of an enormous Seeze Pyder, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful to behold, and, happily, only met with in those excessive longitudes! In a moment, the beautiful boat was bitten into fifty-five thousand million hundred billion bits; and it instantly became quite clear that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could no longer preliminate their voyage by sea.

What was their shock when they saw the boat (along with the churn and the tea kettle) inside the mouth of a massive Seeze Pyder, an aquatic and terrifying creature that was truly awful to look at, and, thankfully, only found in those extreme longitudes! In an instant, the lovely boat was crushed into fifty-five trillion bits; and it immediately became obvious that Violet, Slingsby, Guy, and Lionel could no longer begin their journey by sea.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

The four travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on pursuing their wanderings by land: and, very fortunately, there happened to pass by at that moment an elderly Rhinoceros, on which they seized; and, all four mounting on his back,—the Quangle-Wangle sitting on his horn, and holding on by his ears, and the Pussy-Cat swinging at the end of his tail,—they set off, having only four small beans and three pounds of mashed potatoes to last through their whole journey.

The four travelers had to decide to continue their journey over land. Just then, an old Rhinoceros walked by, and they jumped at the chance. All four of them climbed onto his back— the Quangle-Wangle perched on his horn, holding onto his ears, while the Pussy-Cat dangled from the end of his tail. They set off with only four small beans and three pounds of mashed potatoes to last for the entire trip.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

They were, however, able to catch numbers of the chickens and turkeys and other birds who incessantly alighted on the head of the Rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seeds of the rhododendron-plants which grew there; and these creatures they cooked in the most translucent and satisfactory manner by means of a fire lighted on the end of the Rhinoceros's back. A crowd of Kangaroos and gigantic Cranes accompanied them, from feelings of curiosity and complacency; so that they were never at a loss for company, and went onward, as it were, in a sort of profuse and triumphant procession.

They were able to catch quite a few chickens, turkeys, and other birds that constantly landed on the Rhinoceros's head to gather the seeds from the rhododendron plants growing there. They cooked these birds in a clear and satisfying way using a fire lit at the end of the Rhinoceros's back. A group of Kangaroos and huge Cranes followed them out of curiosity and contentment, so they were never short on company and moved forward in what felt like a grand and joyful procession.

Thus in less than eighteen weeks they all arrived safely at home, where they were received by their admiring relatives with joy tempered with contempt, and where they finally resolved to carry out the rest of their travelling-plans at some more favorable opportunity.

Thus, in less than eighteen weeks, they all arrived safely home, where their admiring relatives welcomed them with joy mixed with disdain, and where they ultimately decided to carry out the rest of their travel plans at a better time.

As for the Rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence, they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him up outside the door of their father's house as a diaphanous doorscraper.

As for the Rhinoceros, to show their gratitude, they had him killed and stuffed right away, and then placed him outside their father's house as a see-through door mat.

The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES OF THE LAKE PIPPLE-POPPLE.

CHAPTER I.

CHAPTER 1.

INTRODUCTORY.

INTRODUCTION.

In former days,—that is to say, once upon a time,—there lived in the Land of Gramble-Blamble seven families. They lived by the side of the great Lake Pipple-Popple (one of the seven families, indeed, lived in the lake), and on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which, excepting when it was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of all these places you have probably heard of; and you have only not to look in your geography-books to find out all about them.

Once upon a time, there were seven families living in the Land of Gramble-Blamble. They resided by the great Lake Pipple-Popple (one of the families even lived in the lake) and on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which they could see clearly except when it was dark. You’ve probably heard of all these places, and you just need to check your geography books to learn more about them.

Now, the seven families who lived on the borders of the great Lake Pipple-Popple were as follows in the next chapter.

Now, the seven families who lived on the shores of the great Lake Pipple-Popple are detailed in the next chapter.

CHAPTER II.

CHAPTER 2.

THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

The Seven Families.

There was a family of two old Parrots and seven young Parrots.

There was a family of two old parrots and seven young parrots.

parrots

There was a family of two old Storks and seven young Storks.

There was a family of two old storks and seven young storks.

storks

There was a family of two old Geese and seven young Geese.

There was a family of two old geese and seven young goslings.

geese

There was a family of two old Owls and seven young Owls.

There was a family of two adult owls and seven baby owls.

owls

There was a family of two old Guinea Pigs and seven young Guinea Pigs.

There was a family of two older Guinea Pigs and seven young Guinea Pigs.

guinea pigs

There was a family of two old Cats and seven young Cats.

There was a family of two older cats and seven kittens.

cats

And there was a family of two old Fishes and seven young Fishes.

And there was a family of two old fish and seven young fish.

fishes

CHAPTER III.

CHAPTER 3.

THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

THE HABITS OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES.

The Parrots lived upon the Soffsky-Poffsky trees, which were beautiful to behold, and covered with blue leaves; and they fed upon fruit, artichokes, and striped beetles.

The parrots lived in the Soffsky-Poffsky trees, which were lovely to look at and covered in blue leaves; they ate fruit, artichokes, and striped beetles.

The Storks walked in and out of the Lake Pipple-Popple, and ate frogs for breakfast, and buttered toast for tea; but on account of the extreme length of their legs they could not sit down, and so they walked about continually.

The storks walked in and out of Lake Pipple-Popple, ate frogs for breakfast, and had buttered toast for tea; but because their legs were so long, they couldn't sit down, so they just kept walking around.

The Geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of flies, which they ate for dinner.

The geese, with webbed feet, caught lots of flies, which they ate for dinner.

The Owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught, and made into sago-puddings.

The owls nervously watched the mice, which they caught and turned into sago puddings.

The Guinea Pigs toddled about the gardens, and ate lettuces and Cheshire cheese.

The guinea pigs wandered around the gardens, munching on lettuce and Cheshire cheese.

The Cats sate still in the sunshine, and fed upon sponge biscuits.

The cats sat still in the sunshine and munched on sponge biscuits.

The Fishes lived in the lake, and fed chiefly on boiled periwinkles.

The fish lived in the lake and mainly ate boiled periwinkles.

And all these seven families lived together in the utmost fun and felicity.

And all seven of these families lived together in complete happiness and joy.

CHAPTER IV.

CHAPTER 4.

THE CHILDREN OF THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.

THE KIDS FROM THE SEVEN FAMILIES ARE SENT AWAY.

One day all the seven fathers and the seven mothers of the seven families agreed that they would send their children out to see the world.

One day, all seven fathers and seven mothers from the seven families agreed to send their children out to explore the world.

So they called them all together, and gave them each eight shillings and some good advice, some chocolate-drops, and a small green morocco pocket-book to set down their expenses in.

So they gathered everyone together and gave each of them eight shillings, some good advice, some chocolate drops, and a small green leather pocketbook to keep track of their expenses.

They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel; and all the parents sent off their children with a parting injunction.

They then specifically urged them not to fight; and all the parents sent their children off with a final reminder.

"If," said the old Parrots, "you find a cherry, do not fight about who should have it."

"If," said the old Parrots, "if you find a cherry, don't argue about who gets it."

"And," said the old Storks, "if you find a frog, divide it carefully into seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it."

"And," said the old Storks, "if you find a frog, cut it carefully into seven pieces, but whatever you do, don’t argue about it."

And the old Geese said to the seven young Geese, "Whatever you do, be sure you do not touch a plum-pudding flea."

And the old Geese said to the seven young Geese, "Whatever you do, make sure you don't touch a plum-pudding flea."

And the old Owls said, "If you find a mouse, tear him up into seven slices, and eat him cheerfully, but without quarrelling."

And the old Owls said, "If you find a mouse, cut him into seven pieces and eat him happily, but without fighting."

And the old Guinea Pigs said, "Have a care that you eat your lettuces, should you find any, not greedily, but calmly."

And the old Guinea Pigs said, "Make sure to eat your lettuces, if you find any, not in a rush, but steadily."

And the old Cats said, "Be particularly careful not to meddle with a clangle-wangle if you should see one."

And the old Cats said, "Be especially careful not to mess with a clangle-wangle if you happen to see one."

And the old Fishes said, "Above all things, avoid eating a blue boss-woss; for they do not agree with fishes, and give them a pain in their toes."

And the old Fishes said, "Above all things, avoid eating a blue boss-woss; because they don't sit well with fish and cause pain in their toes."

So all the children of each family thanked their parents; and, making in all forty-nine polite bows, they went into the wide world.

So all the kids from each family thanked their parents, and, in total, they made forty-nine polite bows before heading out into the big wide world.

CHAPTER V.

CHAPTER 5.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG PARROTS.

The seven young Parrots had not gone far, when they saw a tree with a single cherry on it, which the oldest Parrot picked instantly; but the other six, being extremely hungry, tried to get it also. On which all the seven began to fight; and they scuffled,
and huffled, and ruffled, and shuffled, and puffled, and muffled, and buffled, and duffled, and fluffled, and guffled, and bruffled, and screamed, and shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, and clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and dumped, and flumped each other, till they were all torn into little bits; and at last there was nothing left to record this painful incident except the cherry and seven small green feathers.

The seven young Parrots hadn’t gone far when they spotted a tree with a single cherry on it, which the oldest Parrot grabbed right away. But the other six, being really hungry, also tried to get it. So they all started to fight; they scuffled,
and huffed, and messy, and mixed, and puzzled, and muted, and confused, and packed, and fluffed, and chuckled, and ruffled, and screamed, shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, and clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and dumped, and flumped each other, until they were all torn into little bits. In the end, all that was left to remember this painful incident was the cherry and seven small green feathers.

And that was the vicious and voluble end of the seven young Parrots.

And that was the loud and brutal end of the seven young Parrots.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER VI.

CHAPTER 6.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG STORKS.

When the seven young Storks set out, they walked or flew for fourteen weeks in a straight line, and for six weeks more in a crooked one; and after that they ran as hard as they could for one hundred and eight miles; and after that they stood still, and made a himmeltanious chatter-clatter-blattery noise with their bills.

When the seven young Storks started their journey, they walked or flew in a straight line for fourteen weeks, then for six more weeks in a winding path. After that, they ran as fast as they could for one hundred and eight miles. Once they finished that, they stood still and made a simultaneous chatter-clatter-blattery noise with their bills.

About the same time they perceived a large frog, spotted with green, and with a sky-blue stripe under each ear.

About the same time, they noticed a large frog, covered in green spots, with a sky-blue stripe under each ear.

So, being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were going to divide him into seven pieces, when they began to quarrel as to which of his legs should be taken off first. One said this, and another said that; and while they were all quarrelling, the frog hopped away. And when they saw that he was gone, they began to chatter-clatter,
blatter-platter, patter-blatter, matter-clatter, flatter-quatter, more violently than ever; and after they had fought for a week, they pecked each other all to little pieces, so that at last nothing was left of any of them except their bills.

So, feeling hungry, they immediately lunged at him, and were about to tear him into seven pieces when they started arguing over which of his legs should be taken off first. One insisted on this, while another insisted on that; and as they were all arguing, the frog hopped away. When they realized he was gone, they began to chatter-clatter,
blabber platter, pitter-patter, matter-clatter flatter-quatter more violently than ever; and after they had fought for a week, they pecked each other into little pieces, so that in the end, nothing was left of any of them except their bills.

And that was the end of the seven young Storks.

And that was the end of the seven young Storks.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER VII.

CHAPTER 7.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GEESE.

When the seven young Geese began to travel, they went over a large plain, on which there was but one tree, and that was, a very bad one.

When the seven young Geese started their journey, they crossed a vast plain, where there was only one tree, and it was a really poor one.

So four of them went up to the top of it, and looked about them; while the other three waddled up and down, and repeated poetry, and their last six lessons in arithmetic, geography, and cookery.

So four of them climbed to the top and looked around while the other three waddled back and forth, reciting poetry and reviewing their last six lessons in math, geography, and cooking.

Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the most interesting and obese appearance, having a perfectly round body exactly resembling a boiled plum-pudding, with two little wings, and a beak, and three feathers growing out of his head, and only one leg.

Right now, they noticed, from a distance, an object that looked really interesting and oddly shaped, with a perfectly round body that was just like a boiled plum pudding, along with two tiny wings, a beak, three feathers sticking out of its head, and just one leg.

So, after a time, all the seven young Geese said to each other, "Beyond all doubt this beast must be a Plum-pudding Flea!"

So, after a while, all seven young Geese said to each other, "There's no question this creature must be a Plum-pudding Flea!"

On which they incautiously began to sing aloud,

On which they carelessly started singing out loud,

"Plum-pudding Flea, Plum-pudding Flea, Wherever you are, Oh! come to our tree, And listen, oh! listen, oh! listen to me!"

And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding Flea began to hop and skip on his one leg with the most dreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree, where he stopped, and looked about him in a vacant and voluminous manner.

And no sooner had they sung this verse than the Plum-pudding Flea started to hop and skip on his one leg with incredible speed, and came right up to the tree, where he stopped and looked around in a dazed and blank way.

On which the seven young Geese were greatly alarmed, and all of a tremble-bemble: so one of them put out his long neck, and just touched him with the tip of his bill; but no sooner had he done this than the Plum-pudding Flea skipped and hopped about more and more, and higher and higher; after which he opened his mouth, and, to the great surprise and indignation of the seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and furiously and terribly, that they were totally unable to bear the noise; and by degrees every one of them suddenly tumbled down quite dead.

On which the seven young Geese were very scared and all trembling: one of them stretched out his long neck and just tapped him with the tip of his bill; but as soon as he did that, the Plum-pudding Flea started skipping and hopping more and more, and higher and higher. Then he opened his mouth, and to the great surprise and anger of the seven Geese, he began to bark so loudly, furiously, and terrifyingly that they couldn't handle the noise at all; eventually, each one of them suddenly fell down completely dead.

So that was the end of the seven young Geese.

So that was the end of the seven young geese.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER VIII.

CHAPTER 8.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG OWLS.

When the seven young Owls set out, they sate every now and then on the branches of old trees, and never went far at one time.

When the seven young Owls set out, they rested every now and then on the branches of old trees and never went far at one time.

And one night, when it was quite dark, they thought they heard a mouse; but, as the gas-lamps were not lighted, they could not see him.

And one night, when it was really dark, they thought they heard a mouse; but since the gas lamps weren't on, they couldn't see it.

So they called out, "Is that a mouse?"

So they shouted, "Is that a mouse?"

On which a mouse answered, "Squeaky-peeky-weeky! yes, it is!"

On which a mouse replied, "Squeaky-peeky-weeky! Yes, it is!"

And immediately all the young Owls threw themselves off the tree, meaning to alight on the ground; but they did not perceive that there was a large well below them, into which they all fell superficially, and were every one of them drowned in less than half a minute.

And right away, all the young Owls jumped off the tree, planning to land on the ground; but they didn’t realize that there was a big well below them, and they all fell in quickly, and drowned in under thirty seconds.

So that was the end of the seven young Owls.

So that was the end of the seven young owls.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER IX.

CHAPTER 9.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG GUINEA PIGS.

The seven young Guinea Pigs went into a garden full of goose-berry-bushes and tiggory-trees, under one of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they saw a large lettuce, which had grown out of the ground while they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of green leaves. At which they all exclaimed,—

The seven young guinea pigs entered a garden filled with gooseberry bushes and tiggory trees, underneath one of which they fell asleep. When they woke up, they noticed a huge lettuce that had sprouted from the ground while they were sleeping, with a ton of green leaves. They all exclaimed,—

"Lettuce! Oh lettuce
Let us, oh let us,
Oh lettuce leaves,
Oh let us leave this tree and eat
Lettuce, oh let us, lettuce leaves!"

And instantly the seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with such extreme force against the lettuce-plant, and hit their heads so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses, which grew worse and worse and worse and worse, till it incidentally killed them all seven.

And right away, the seven young guinea pigs charged at the lettuce plant with such intense force that they bumped their heads hard against its stalk, causing an immediate irritation in their noses that got worse and worse until it ultimately led to the death of all seven.

And that was the end of the seven young Guinea Pigs.

And that was the end of the seven young guinea pigs.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER X.

CHAPTER 10.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG CATS.

The seven young Cats set off on their travels with great delight and rapacity. But, on coming to the top of a high hill, they perceived at a long distance off a Clangle-Wangle (or, as it is more properly written, Clangel-Wangel); and, in spite of the warning they had had, they ran straight up to it.

The seven young Cats began their journey with excitement and eagerness. However, when they reached the top of a high hill, they spotted a Clangle-Wangle (or, more accurately, Clangel-Wangel) from far away; despite the warnings they had received, they rushed right toward it.

(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a most dangerous and delusive beast, and by no means commonly to be met with. They live in the water as well as on land, using their long tail as a sail when in the former element. Their speed is extreme; but their habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their general demeanor pensive and pellucid. On summer evenings, they may sometimes be observed near the Lake Pipple-Popple, standing on their heads, and humming their national melodies. They subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they eat veal or mutton or pork or beef or fish or saltpetre.)

(Now, the Clangle-Wangle is a very dangerous and misleading creature, and it’s not something you come across every day. They live in both water and on land, using their long tail like a sail when they're in the water. They’re extremely fast, but their way of life is domestic and excessive, and their overall attitude is thoughtful and clear. On summer evenings, you might spot them near Lake Pipple-Popple, standing on their heads and humming their national songs. They live mainly on vegetables, except when they eat veal, mutton, pork, beef, fish, or saltpetre.)

The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young Cats approach, he ran away; and as he ran straight on for four months, and the Cats, though they continued to run, could never overtake him, they all gradually died of fatigue and exhaustion, and never afterwards recovered.

The moment the Clangle-Wangle saw the seven young Cats coming, he took off running; and as he ran non-stop for four months, the Cats kept chasing him but could never catch up. Eventually, they all just died from being too tired and worn out, and never bounced back.

And this was the end of the seven young Cats.

And this was the end of the seven young cats.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER XI.

CHAPTER 11.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.

THE HISTORY OF THE SEVEN YOUNG FISHES.

The seven young Fishes swam across the Lake Pipple-Popple, and into the river, and into the ocean; where, most unhappily for them, they saw, on the fifteenth day of their travels, a bright-blue Boss-Woss, and instantly swam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss plunged into a perpendicular,
spicular, orbicular, quadrangular, circular depth of soft mud; where, in fact, his house was.

The seven young fish swam across Lake Pipple-Popple, then into the river, and into the ocean; where, unfortunately for them, on the fifteenth day of their journey, they spotted a bright-blue Boss-Woss and immediately swam after him. But the Blue Boss-Woss dove into a steep,
spiky hair circle, four-sided circular bed of soft mud; where, as it turned out, his home was.

And the seven young Fishes, swimming with great and uncomfortable velocity, plunged also into the mud quite against their will, and, not being accustomed to it, were all suffocated in a very short period.

And the seven young fish, swimming quickly and uncomfortably, also dove into the mud against their will, and since they weren't used to it, they all suffocated in no time.

And that was the end of the seven young Fishes.

And that was the end of the seven young fish.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER XII.

CHAPTER 12.

CHAPTER XII.

CHAPTER 12.

OF WHAT OCCURRED SUBSEQUENTLY.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

After it was known that the

After it became known that the

seven young Parrots, and the seven young Storks,
and the seven young Geese,
and the seven young Owls,
and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
and the seven young Cats,
and the seven young Fishes,

seven young parrots, and the seven young Storks,
and the seven young Geese,
and the seven young Owls,
and the seven young Guinea Pigs,
and the seven young Cats,
and the seven young Fish,

were all dead, then the Frog, and the Plum-pudding Flea, and the Mouse, and the Clangle-Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss, all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they collected the seven feathers of the seven young Parrots, and the seven bills of the seven young Storks, and the lettuce, and the cherry; and having placed the latter on the lettuce, and the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base, they danced a hornpipe round all these memorials until they were quite tired; after which they gave a tea-party, and a garden-party, and a ball, and a concert, and then returned to their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy, satisfaction, and disgust.

were all dead, then the Frog, the Plum-pudding Flea, the Mouse, the Clangle-Wangle, and the Blue Boss-Woss all got together to celebrate their good luck. They collected the seven feathers from the seven young Parrots and the seven bills from the seven young Storks, along with the lettuce and the cherry. They placed the cherry on the lettuce and arranged the other items in a circle at the base. Then they danced a hornpipe around these memorials until they were completely worn out; afterwards, they hosted a tea party, a garden party, a ball, and a concert, and then they went back to their homes filled with joy, respect, sympathy, satisfaction, and disgust.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

CHAPTER XIII.

CHAPTER 13.

OF WHAT BECAME OF THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.

OF WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PARENTS OF THE FORTY-NINE CHILDREN.

BUT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old Storks, and the two old Geese, and the two old Owls, and the two old Guinea Pigs, and the two old Cats, and the two old Fishes, became aware, by reading in the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of the whole of their families, they refused all further sustenance; and, sending out to various shops, they purchased great quantities of Cayenne pepper and brandy and vinegar and blue sealing-wax, besides seven immense glass bottles with air-tight stoppers. And, having done this, they ate a light supper of brown-bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and took an affecting and formal leave of the whole of their acquaintance, which was very numerous and distinguished and select and responsible and ridiculous.

BUT when the two old Parrots,
and the two old storks, and the two old geese, and the two old owls, and the two old guinea pigs, and the two old cats, and the two old fish, found out, through newspaper articles, that their entire families were tragically extinct, they refused to eat anything more; and, sending out to various shops, they bought large amounts of Cayenne pepper, brandy, vinegar, and blue sealing wax, along with seven huge glass bottles with airtight stoppers. After that, they had a light supper of brown bread and Jerusalem artichokes, and said an emotional and formal farewell to all their friends, who were numerous, distinguished, select, responsible, and quite ridiculous.

CHAPTER XIV.

CHAPTER 14.

CONCLUSION.

CONCLUSION.

And after this they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling, and each couple jumped into a separate bottle; by which effort, of course, they all died immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes; having previously made their wills (by the assistance of the most eminent lawyers of the district), in which they left strict orders that the stoppers of the seven bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue sealing-wax they had purchased; and that they themselves, in the bottles, should be presented to the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be labelled with parchment or any other anti-congenial succedaneum, and to be placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs, for the daily inspection and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit, of the pusillanimous public.

And after that, they filled the bottles with pickling ingredients, and each couple jumped into a separate bottle. Naturally, this caused them all to die instantly and become thoroughly pickled in just a few minutes. They had made their wills beforehand with the help of the best lawyers in the area, in which they insisted that the stoppers of the seven bottles be carefully sealed with the blue sealing wax they had bought. They also requested that they, still in the bottles, be given to the main museum in the city of Tosh, to be labeled with parchment or any other suitable alternative, and placed on a marble table with silver-gilt legs for daily viewing and contemplation, benefiting the timid public forever.

And if you ever happen to go to Gramble-Blamble, and visit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the ninety-eighth table in the four hundred and twenty-seventh room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing of the central quadrangle of that magnificent building; for, if you do not, you certainly will not see them.

And if you ever go to Gramble-Blamble and visit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the ninety-eighth table in the four hundred and twenty-seventh room of the right-hand corridor in the left wing of the central courtyard of that amazing building; because, if you don't, you definitely won't see them.

The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple.

NONSENSE COOKERY.

Amblongus Pie Crumbobblious Cutlets Gosky Patties

Amblongus Pie Crumbobblious Cutlets Gosky Patties

Extract from the Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870.

Extract from the Nonsense Gazette, for August, 1870.

"Our readers will be interested in the following messages from our esteemed and knowledgeable contributor, Prof. Bosh, whose work in culinary and botanical science is well recognized worldwide. The first three articles are a must-have for every family's cooking repertoire: the following ones are of great interest to all botanists. We are excited to share, thanks to Dr. Bosh's generosity, illustrations of his discoveries. All the new flowers are located in the Valley of Verrikwier, near the Lake of Oddgrow, and on the top of Hill Orfeltugg."

THREE RECEIPTS FOR DOMESTIC COOKERY.

TO MAKE AN AMBLONGUS PIE.

Take 4 pounds (say 4½ pounds) of fresh Amblongusses, and put them in a small pipkin.

Take 4 pounds (about 4½ pounds) of fresh Amblongusses and put them in a small pot.

Cover them with water, and boil them for 8 hours incessantly; after which add 2 pints of new milk, and proceed to boil for 4 hours more.

Cover them with water and boil them for 8 straight hours; after that, add 2 pints of fresh milk and continue to boil for 4 more hours.

When you have ascertained that the Amblongusses are quite soft, take them out, and place them in a wide pan, taking care to shake them well previously.

When you’ve confirmed that the Amblongusses are really soft, take them out and put them in a large pan, making sure to shake them thoroughly beforehand.

Grate some nutmeg over the surface, and cover them carefully with powdered gingerbread, curry-powder, and a sufficient quantity of Cayenne pepper.

Grate some nutmeg on top, and carefully cover them with powdered gingerbread, curry powder, and enough Cayenne pepper.

Remove the pan into the next room, and place it on the floor. Bring it back again, and let it simmer for three-quarters of an hour. Shake the pan violently till all the Amblongusses have become of a pale purple color.

Take the pan to the next room and set it on the floor. Bring it back and let it simmer for 45 minutes. Shake the pan vigorously until all the Amblongusses have turned a pale purple color.

Then, having prepared the paste, insert the whole carefully; adding at the same time a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and any number of oysters.

Then, after preparing the paste, carefully insert everything; at the same time, add a small pigeon, 2 slices of beef, 4 cauliflowers, and as many oysters as you like.

Watch patiently till the crust begins to rise, and add a pinch of salt from time to time.

Watch patiently until the crust starts to rise, and sprinkle in a pinch of salt now and then.

Serve up in a clean dish, and throw the whole out of window as fast as possible.

Serve it up on a clean plate, and toss the whole thing out the window as quickly as you can.

TO MAKE CRUMBOBBLIOUS CUTLETS.

Procure some strips of beef, and, having cut them into the smallest possible slices, proceed to cut them still smaller,— eight, or perhaps nine times.

Get some strips of beef and, after cutting them into the smallest possible slices, cut them even smaller—eight or maybe nine times.

When the whole is thus minced, brush it up hastily with a new clothes-brush, and stir round rapidly and capriciously with a salt-spoon or a soup-ladle.

When everything is chopped up, quickly brush it off with a new clothes brush, and stir it around quickly and randomly with a salt spoon or a soup ladle.

Place the whole in a saucepan, and remove it to a sunny place, —say the roof of the house, if free from sparrows or other birds,— and leave it there for about a week.

Put everything in a saucepan and take it to a sunny spot—like the roof of the house, if there are no sparrows or other birds around—and leave it there for about a week.

At the end of that time add a little lavender, some oil of almonds, and a few herring-bones; and then cover the whole with 4 gallons of clarified Crumbobblious sauce, when it will be ready for use.

At the end of that time, add a little lavender, some almond oil, and a few herring bones; then cover everything with 4 gallons of clarified Crumbobblious sauce, and it will be ready to use.

Cut it into the shape of ordinary cutlets, and serve up in a clean table-cloth or dinner-napkin.

Cut it into the shape of regular cutlets, and serve it on a clean tablecloth or dinner napkin.

TO MAKE GOSKY PATTIES.

Take a pig three or four years of age, and tie him by the off hind-leg to a post. Place 5 pounds of currants, 3 of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roast chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of turnips, within his reach: if he eats these, constantly provide him with more.

Take a pig that’s three or four years old and tie it by its back right leg to a post. Put 5 pounds of currants, 3 pounds of sugar, 2 pecks of peas, 18 roasted chestnuts, a candle, and 6 bushels of turnips within its reach. If it eats these, keep supplying more.

Then procure some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 quires of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Work the whole into a paste, and spread it out to dry on a sheet of clean brown waterproof linen.

Then get some cream, some slices of Cheshire cheese, 4 sheets of foolscap paper, and a packet of black pins. Mix everything into a paste and spread it out to dry on a clean piece of brown waterproof fabric.

When the paste is perfectly dry, but not before, proceed to beat the pig violently with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, beat him again.

When the paste is completely dry, but not before, start hitting the pig hard with the handle of a large broom. If he squeals, hit him again.

Visit the paste and beat the pig alternately for some days, and ascertain if, at the end of that period, the whole is about to turn into Gosky Patties.

Visit the paste and alternate beating the pig for a few days, and see if, at the end of that time, everything is about to transform into Gosky Patties.

If it does not then, it never will; and in that case the pig may be let loose, and the whole process may be considered as finished.

If it doesn't happen then, it never will; and in that case, the pig can be set free, and the entire process can be considered complete.

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.

No. 1 No. 2 No. 3

No. 1 No. 2 No. 3

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

A

A

ant

A was an ant
Who seldom stood still,
And who made a nice house
In the side of a hill.

A was an ant
Who rarely stood still,
And who built a cozy house
In the side of a hill.

a

a

Nice little ant!

Cute little ant!

B

B

book

B was a book
With a binding of blue,
And pictures and stories
For me and for you.

B was a book
With a blue cover,
And images and tales
For both you and me.

b

b

Nice little book!

Great little book!

C

C

cat

C was a cat
Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail
When she seized on his tail.

C was a cat
Who chased after a rat;
But his bravery vanished
When she grabbed his tail.

c

c

Crafty old cat!

Sly old cat!

D

D

duck

D was a duck
With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,
And always said "Quack!"

D was a duck
With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,
And always said "Quack!"

d

d

Dear little duck!

Dear little ducky!

E

E

elephant

E was an elephant,
Stately and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,
And two queer little eyes.

E was an elephant,
Grand and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,
And two strange little eyes.

e

e

Oh, what funny small eyes!

Oh, what funny little eyes!

F

F

fish

F was a fish
Who was caught in a net;
But he got out again,
And is quite alive yet.

F was a fish
Who got caught in a net;
But he slipped out again,
And he’s still alive now.

f

f

Lively young fish!

Energetic young fish!

G

G

goat

G was a goat
Who was spotted with brown:
When he did not lie still
He walked up and down.

G was a goat
Who had brown spots:
When he didn’t stay put
He wandered back and forth.

g

g

Good little goat!

Good little goat!

H

H

hat

H was a hat
Which was all on one side;
Its crown was too high,
And its brim was too wide.

H was a hat
That leaned to one side;
Its top was too tall,
And its brim was too wide.

h

h

Oh, what a hat!

Wow, what a hat!

I

I

ice

I was some ice
So white and so nice,
But which nobody tasted;
And so it was wasted.

I was some ice
So white and so nice,
But no one ever tasted me;
And so I was wasted.

i

i

All that good ice!

All that great ice!

J

J

jackdaw

J was a jackdaw
Who hopped up and down
In the principal street
Of a neighboring town.

J was a jackdaw
Who hopped up and down
In the main street
Of a nearby town.

j

j

All through the town!

All around town!

K

K

kite

K was a kite
Which flew out of sight,
Above houses so high,
Quite into the sky.

K was a kite
That flew out of sight,
Above houses so tall,
Right into the sky.

k

k

Fly away, kite!

Soar high, kite!

L

L

light

L was a light
Which burned all the night,
And lighted the gloom
Of a very dark room.

L was a light
That shone all night,
And brightened the darkness
Of a really dark room.

l

l

Useful nice light!

Useful nice light!

M

M

mill

M was a mill
Which stood on a hill,
And turned round and round
With a loud hummy sound.

M was a mill
That stood on a hill,
And turned round and round
With a loud humming sound.

m

m

Useful old mill!

Useful vintage mill!

N

N

net

N was a net
Which was thrown in the sea
To catch fish for dinner
For you and for me.

N was a net
That was thrown into the sea
To catch fish for dinner
For you and for me.

n

n

Nice little net!

Cute little net!

O

O

orange

O was an orange
So yellow and round:
When it fell off the tree,
It fell down to the ground.

O was an orange
So yellow and round:
When it fell from the tree,
It dropped down to the ground.

o

o

Down to the ground!

On the ground!

P

P

pig

P was a pig,
Who was not very big;
But his tail was too curly,
And that made him surly.

P was a pig,
Who wasn't very big;
But his tail was too curly,
And that made him grumpy.

p

p

Cross little pig!

Cross little pig!

Q

Q

quail

Q was a quail
With a very short tail;
And he fed upon corn
In the evening and morn.

Q was a quail
With a really short tail;
And he ate corn
In the morning and evening.

q

q

Quaint little quail!

Cute little quail!

R

R

rabbit

R was a rabbit,
Who had a bad habit
Of eating the flowers
In gardens and bowers.

R was a rabbit,
Who had a bad habit
Of eating the flowers
In gardens and arbors.

r

r

Naughty fat rabbit!

Naughty chubby rabbit!

S

S

sugar-tongs

S was the sugar-tongs,
Nippity-nee,
To take up the sugar
To put in our tea.

S was the sugar tongs,
Nippity-nee,
To scoop up the sugar
To put in our tea.

s

s

Nippity-nee!

Nippy-nee!

T

T

tortoise

T was a tortoise,
All yellow and black:
He walked slowly away,
And he never came back.

T was a tortoise,
All yellow and black:
He moved slowly away,
And he never returned.

t

t

Torty never came back!

Torty never returned!

U

U

urn

U was an urn
All polished and bright,
And full of hot water
At noon and at night.

U was an urn
All shiny and bright,
And full of hot water
At noon and at night.

u

u

Useful old urn!

Useful vintage urn!

V

V

villa

V was a villa
Which stood on a hill,
By the side of a river,
And close to a mill.

V was a villa
That stood on a hill,
Next to a river,
And near a mill.

v

v

Nice little villa!

Charming little villa!

W

W

whale

W was a whale
With a very long tail,
Whose movements were frantic
Across the Atlantic.

Was a whale
with a really long tail,
whose movements were frantic
across the Atlantic.

w

w

Monstrous old whale!

Giant old whale!

X

X

King Xerxes

X was King Xerxes,
Who, more than all Turks, is
Renowned for his fashion
Of fury and passion.

X was King Xerxes,
Who, more than all Turks, is
Famous for his style
Of rage and emotion.

x

x

Angry old Xerxes!

Angry old Xerxes!

Y

Y

yew

Y was a yew,
Which flourished and grew
By a quiet abode
Near the side of a road.

Y was a yew,
That thrived and grew
By a peaceful home
Next to the road.

y

y

Dark little yew!

Dark little yew tree!

Z

Z

zebra

Z was some zinc,
So shiny and bright,
Which caused you to wink
In the sun's merry light.

Z was a piece of zinc,
So shiny and bright,
It made you squint
In the cheerful sunlight.

z

z

Beautiful zinc!

Beautiful zinc!
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

A

A

apple-pie

a

a

A was once an apple-pie,
Pidy, Widy, Tidy, Pidy, Nice insidy, Apple-pie!

A was once an apple pie,
Pidy,
Widy,
Tidy,
Pidy,
Nice inside,
Apple pie!

B

B

bear

b

b

B was once a little bear,
Beary, Wary, Hairy, Beary, Taky cary, Little bear!

B used to be a small bear,
Beary, Cautious, Hairy, Beary, Taky cars, Baby bear!

C

C

cake

c

c

C was once a little cake,
Caky, Baky, Maky, Caky, Taky caky, Little cake!

C was once a little cake,
Cakey, Baky, Maky, Cake-like, Tasty treat, Mini cake!

D

D

doll

d

d

D was once a little doll,
Dolly, Molly, Polly, Nolly, Nursy dolly, Little doll!

D was once a small doll,
Dolly, Molly, Polly Nolly, Nursing doll, Tiny doll!

E

E

eel

e

e

E was once a little eel,
Eely, Weely, Peely, Eely, Twirly, tweely, Little eel!

E was once a small eel,
Eel Weekly, Peely, Eel Twirly, twee, Little eel!

F

F

fish

f

f

F was once a little fish,
Fishy, Wishy, Squishy, Fishy, In a dishy, Little fish!

F used to be a small fish,
Suspicious, Indecisive, Squishy, Suspicious, In a messy way, Small fish!

G

G

goose

g

g

G was once a little goose,
Goosy, Moosy, Boosey, Goosey, Waddly-woosy, Little goose!

G was once a little goose,
Goofy, Moosie, Boosey, Goosey, Wobbly Little goose!

H

H

hen

h

h

H was once a little hen,
Henny, Chenny, Tenny, Henny. Eggsy-any, Little hen?

H was once a little hen,
Henny, Chenny, Tenny, Henny. Eggsy, Baby chick?

I

I

ink

i

i

I was once a bottle of ink
Inky, Dinky, Thinky, Inky, Blacky minky, Bottle of ink!

I was once a bottle of ink
Inky, Tiny, Thinky, Inky, Black minky, Ink bottle!

J

J

ink

j

j

J was once a jar of jam,
Jammy, Mammy, Clammy, Jammy, Sweety, swammy, Jar of jam!

J was once a jar of jam,
Lucky, Mommy, Clammy Lucky, Sweetie, swimmy, Jar of jam!

K

K

kite

k

k

K was once a little kite,
Kity, Whity, Flighty, Kity, Out of sighty, Little kite!

K was once a small kite,
Kitty, Whitey, Fickle, Kitty, Out of view, Little kite!

L

L

lark

l

l

L was once a little lark,
Larky, Marky, Harky, Larky, In the parky, Little lark!

L was once a little bird,
Birdie, Marky, Pay attention, Birdie, At the park, Cute little bird!

M

M

mouse

m

m

M was once a little mouse,
Mousy, Bousy, Sousy, Mousy, In the housy, Little mouse!

M was once a tiny mouse,
Shy, Bousy, Sassy, Timid, At home, Little mouse!

N

N

needle

n

n

N was once a little needle,
Needly, Tweedly, Threedly, Needly, Wisky, wheedly, Little needle!

N used to be a tiny needle,
Needly, Tweedly, Threedly, Needly, Whiskey, wiggly, Tiny needle!

O

O

owl

o

o

O was once a little owl,
Owly, Prowly, Howly, Owly, Browny fowly, Little owl!

O was once a little owl,
Owly, Prowly, Holy, Owly, Browny fowly, Little owl!

P

P

pump

p

p

P was once a little pump,
Pumpy, Slumpy, Flumpy, Pumpy, Dumpy, thumpy, Little pump!

P was once a small pump,
Pumpy, Slouchy, Flumpy, Pumping, Dumpy, thumpy, Lil Pump!

Q

Q

quail

q

q

Q was once a little quail,
Quaily, Faily, Daily, Quaily, Stumpy-taily, Little quail!

Q was once a small quail,
Quality, Fail, Every day, Quaily, Short tail, Little quail!

R

R

rose

r

r

R was once a little rose,
Rosy, Posy, Nosy, Rosy, Blows-y, grows-y, Little rose!

R was once a small rose,
Optimistic, Posy, Inquisitive, Rosy, Blooms-y, grows-y, Sweet little rose!

S

S

shrimp

s

s

S was once a little shrimp, Shrimpy, Nimpy, Flimpy, Shrimpy. Jumpy, jimpy, Little shrimp!

S was once a tiny shrimp, Shrimp Nimpy, Flimpy Shrimp. Nervous, fidgety, Tiny shrimp!

T

T

thrush

t

t

T was once a little thrush,
Thrushy, Hushy, Bushy, Thrushy, Flitty, flushy, Little thrush!

T was once a small thrush,
Thrush Hush, Bushy Thrush Flirty, flashy, Little thrush!

U

U

urn

u

u

U was once a little urn,
Urny, Burny, Turny, Urny, Bubbly, burny, Little urn!

U was once a small urn,
Urn, Burny, Turny, Urn, Bubbly, fiery, Small urn!

V

V

vine

v

v

V was once a little vine,
Viny, Winy, Twiny, Viny, Twisty-twiny, Little vine!

V used to be a tiny vine,
Vine Wine-like Twins, Viney, Twisted and tangled, Little vine!

W

W

whale

w

w

W was once a whale,
Whaly, Scaly, Shaly, Whaly, Tumbly-taily, Mighty whale!

W was once a whale, Whaly, Scaly, Shaly, Whaly, Tumbly-taily, Mighty whale!

X

X

xerxes

x

x

X was once a great king Xerxes,
Xerxy, Perxy, Turxy, Xerxy, Linxy, lurxy, Great King Xerxes!

X was once a great king, Xerxes,
Xerxy, Perks Turxy, Xerxy, Linxy, lurxy, Great King Xerxes!

Y

Y

yew

y

y

Y was once a little yew,
Yewdy, Fewdy, Crudy, Yewdy, Growdy, grewdy, Little yew!

Y was once a small yew,
Yewdy, Fewdy, Crummy, Yewdy, Growdy, gooey, Little yew!

Z

Z

zinc

z

z

Z was once a piece of zinc,
Tinky, Winky, Blinky, Tinky, Tinkly minky, Piece of zinc!

Z used to be a chunk of zinc,
Tinky, Winky, Blinky, Tinky, Tinkly mink, Zinc chunk!
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

A

A

ape

A was an ape,
Who stole some white tape,
And tied up his toes
In four beautiful bows.

A was an ape,
Who stole some white tape,
And tied up his toes
In four beautiful bows.

a!

a!

Funny old Ape!

Funny old monkey!

B

B

bat

B was a bat,
Who slept all the day,
And fluttered about
When the sun went away.

B was a bat,
Who slept all day,
And flew around
When the sun went down.

b!

b!

Brown little bat!

Brown little bat!

C

C

camel

C was a camel:
You rode on his hump;
And if you fell off,
You came down such a bump!

C was a camel:
You rode on his back;
And if you fell off,
You hit the ground with a thud!

c!

c!

What a high camel!

What a tall camel!

D

D

dove

D was a dove,
Who lived in a wood,
With such pretty soft wings,
And so gentle and good!

D was a dove,
Who lived in a forest,
With beautiful soft wings,
And so kind and sweet!

d!

d!

Dear little Dove!

Dear little Dove!

E

E

eagle

E was an eagle,
Who sat on the rocks,
And looked down on the fields
And the-far-away flocks.

E was an eagle,
Who perched on the rocks,
And gazed at the fields
And the distant flocks.

e!

e!

Beautiful eagle!

Beautiful eagle!

F

F

fan

F was a fan
Made of beautiful stuff;
And when it was used,
It went puffy-puff-puff!

F was a fan
Made of beautiful materials;
And when it was turned on,
It went puffy-puff-puff!

f!

f!

Nice little fan.

Cool little fan.

G

G

gooseberry

G was a gooseberry,
Perfectly red;
To be made into jam,
And eaten with bread.

G was a gooseberry,
Perfectly red;
To be turned into jam,
And spread on bread.

g!

g!

Gooseberry red!

Gooseberry red!

H

H

heron

H was a heron,
Who stood in a stream:
The length of his neck
And his legs was extreme.

H was a heron,
Who stood in a stream:
The length of his neck
And his legs was extreme.

h!

h!

Long-legged Heron!

Long-legged Heron!

I

I

inkstand

I was an inkstand,
Which stood on a table,
With a nice pen to write with
When we are able.

I was an inkstand,
That sat on a table,
With a nice pen to write with
When we could.

i!

i!

Neat little inkstand!

Cute little inkstand!

J

J

jug

J was a jug,
So pretty and white,
With fresh water in it
At morning and night.

J was a jug,
So beautiful and white,
With fresh water in it
Every morning and night.

j!

j!

Nice little jug!

Cute little pitcher!

K

K

kingfisher

K was a kingfisher:
Quickly he flew,
So bright and so pretty!—
Green, purple, and blue.

K was a kingfisher:
He flew quickly,
So bright and so beautiful!—
Green, purple, and blue.

k!

k!

Kingfisher, blue!

Blue kingfisher!

L

L

lily

L was a lily,
So white and so sweet!
To see it and smell it
Was quite a nice treat.

L was a lily,
So white and so sweet!
Seeing it and smelling it
Was such a nice treat.

l!

l!

Beautiful Lily!

Beautiful Lily!

M

M

man

M was a man,
Who walked round and round;
And he wore a long coat
That came down to the ground.

M was a guy,
Who walked in circles;
And he wore a long coat
That trailed on the ground.

m!

m!

Funny old Man!

Funny old guy!

N

N

nut

N was a nut
So smooth and so brown!
And when it was ripe,
It fell tumble-dum-down.

N was a nut
So smooth and so brown!
And when it was ripe,
It fell tumble-dum-down.

n!

n!

Nice little Nut!

Nice little nut!

O

O

oyster

O was an oyster,
Who lived in his shell:
If you let him alone,
He felt perfectly well.

O was an oyster,
Who lived in his shell:
If you left him alone,
He felt totally fine.

o!

o!

Open-mouthed oyster!

Wow!

P

P

polly

P was a polly,
All red, blue, and green,—
The most beautiful polly
That ever was seen.

P was a parrot,
All red, blue, and green,—
The most beautiful parrot
That anyone has seen.

p!

p!

Poor little Polly!

Poor Polly!

Q

Q

quill

Q was a quill
Made into a pen;
But I do not know where,
And I cannot say when.

Q was a quill
Transformed into a pen;
But I don't know where,
And I can't say when.

q!

q!

Nice little Quill!

Nice little pen!

R

R

rattlesnake

R was a rattlesnake,
Rolled up so tight,
Those who saw him ran quickly,
For fear he should bite.

R was a rattlesnake,
Curled up so tightly,
Those who saw him ran away quickly,
Afraid he might bite.

r!

r!

Rattlesnake bite!

Rattlesnake bite!

S

S

screw

S was a screw
To screw down a box;
And then it was fastened
Without any locks.

S was a screw
To secure a box;
And then it was fastened
Without any locks.

s!

s!

Valuable screw!

Valuable screw!

T

T

thimble

T was a thimble,
Of silver so bright!
When placed on the finger,
It fitted so tight!

T was a thimble,
Of silver so shiny!
When put on the finger,
It fit so snugly!

t!

t!

Nice little thimble!

Cute little thimble!

U

U

upper-coat

U was an upper-coat,
Woolly and warm,
To wear over all
In the snow or the storm.

U was an overcoat,
Fuzzy and cozy,
To throw on over everything
In the snow or the storm.

u!

Hey!

What a nice upper-coat!

What a nice overcoat!

V

V

veil

V was a veil
With a border upon it,
And a ribbon to tie it
All round a pink bonnet.

V was a veil
With a trim around it,
And a ribbon to secure it
All around a pink hat.

v!

v!

Pretty green Veil!

Cool green veil!

W

W

watch

W was a watch,
Where, in letters of gold,
The hour of the day
You might always behold.

Was a watch,
where, in golden letters,
you could always see
the hour of the day.

w!

w!

Beautiful watch!

Gorgeous watch!

X

X

xerxes

X was King Xerxes,
Who wore on his head A mighty large turban,
Green, yellow, and red.

X was King Xerxes,
Who wore a huge turban on his head,
Green, yellow, and red.

x!

x!

Look at King Xerxes!

Check out King Xerxes!

Y

Y

yak

Y was a yak,
From the land of Thibet:
Except his white tail,
He was all black as jet.

Y was a yak,
From the land of Tibet:
Except for his white tail,
He was completely black like jet.

y!

y!

Look at the Yak!

Check out the Yak!

Z

Z

zebra

Z was a zebra,
All striped white and black;
And if he were tame,
You might ride on his back.

Z was a zebra,
All striped in white and black;
And if he were friendly,
You could ride on his back.

z!

z!

Pretty striped Zebra!

Cute striped zebra!
 

More Nonsense
Pictures, Rhymes, Botany, etc.

By Edward Lear.

More Nonsense

1894

Originally published 1872

Originally published in 1872

More Nonsense Pictures, etc.
1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

More Nonsense Pictures, etc.
1894 Cover
Click to view larger.

INTRODUCTION.

Edward Lear Self-Portrait

In offering this little book—the third of its kind—to the public, I am glad to take the opportunity of recording the pleasure I have received at the appreciation its predecessors have met with, as attested by their wide circulation, and by the universally kind notices of them from the Press. To have been the means of administering innocent mirth to thousands, may surely be a just motive for satisfaction, and an excuse for grateful expression.

In presenting this little book—the third of its kind—to the public, I’m pleased to take the chance to express the joy I’ve felt from the appreciation its predecessors have received, as shown by their widespread circulation and the positive reviews from the Press. Being able to bring innocent laughter to thousands is certainly a valid reason for satisfaction and a reason to express my gratitude.

At the same time, I am desirous of adding a few words as to the history of the two previously published volumes, and more particularly of the first or original "Book of Nonsense," relating to which many absurd reports have crept into circulation, such as that it was the composition of the late Lord Brougham, the late Earl of Derby, etc.; that the rhymes and pictures are by different persons; or that the whole have a symbolical meaning, etc.; whereas, every one of the Rhymes was composed by myself, and every one of the Illustrations drawn by my own hand at the time the verses were made. Moreover, in no portion of these Nonsense drawings have I ever allowed any caricature of private or public persons to appear, and throughout, more care than might be supposed has been given to make the subjects incapable of misinterpretation: "Nonsense," pure and absolute, having been my aim throughout.

At the same time, I want to share a few words about the history of the two previously published volumes, especially the first or original "Book of Nonsense." There have been many ridiculous rumors about it, like claims that it was written by the late Lord Brougham or the late Earl of Derby, that the rhymes and pictures were created by different people, or that everything has some symbolic meaning. In reality, every one of the Rhymes was created by me, and all the Illustrations were drawn by my own hand at the time I wrote the verses. Also, I have never allowed any caricatures of private or public figures in these Nonsense drawings, and I've taken more care than you might think to ensure that the subjects can’t be misinterpreted. My goal has always been pure and absolute "Nonsense."

As for the persistently absurd report of the late Earl of Derby being the author of the "First Book of Nonsense," I may relate an incident which occurred to me four summers ago, the first that gave me any insight into the origin of the rumor.

As for the ongoing ridiculous claim that the late Earl of Derby wrote the "First Book of Nonsense," I can share an incident that happened to me four summers ago, which was the first time I gained any understanding of where the rumor started.

I was on my way from London to Guildford, in a railway carriage, containing, besides myself, one passenger, an elderly gentleman: presently, however, two ladies entered, accompanied by two little boys. These, who had just had a copy of the "Book of Nonsense" given them, were loud in their delight, and by degrees infected the whole party with their mirth.

I was traveling from London to Guildford in a train carriage with one other passenger, an elderly man. Soon, two ladies walked in with two little boys. The boys, who had just received a copy of the "Book of Nonsense," were excited and their joy gradually spread to everyone in the carriage.

"How grateful," said the old gentleman to the two ladies, "all children, and parents too, ought to be to the statesman who has given his time to composing that charming book!"

"How grateful," said the old gentleman to the two ladies, "all kids, and parents too, should be to the politician who spent his time writing that wonderful book!"

(The ladies looked puzzled, as indeed was I, the author.)

(The ladies looked confused, just like I did, the author.)

"Do you not know who is the writer of it?" asked the gentleman.

"Don’t you know who wrote it?" asked the gentleman.

"The name is 'Edward Lear,'" said one of the ladies.

"The name is 'Edward Lear,'" said one of the ladies.

"Ah!" said the first speaker, "so it is printed; but that is only a whim of the real author, the Earl of Derby. 'Edward' is his Christian name, and, as you may see, LEAR is only EARL transposed."

"Ah!" said the first speaker, "it's printed like that, but that's just a quirk of the actual author, the Earl of Derby. 'Edward' is his first name, and, as you can see, LEAR is just EARL mixed up."

"But," said the lady, doubtingly, "here is a dedication to the great-grandchildren, grand-nephews, and grand-nieces of Edward, thirteenth Earl of Derby, by the author, Edward Lear."

"But," said the lady, skeptically, "here is a dedication to the great-grandchildren, grand-nephews, and grand-nieces of Edward, the thirteenth Earl of Derby, by the author, Edward Lear."

"That," replied the other, "is simply a piece of mystification; I am in a position to know that the whole book was composed and illustrated by Lord Derby himself. In fact, there is no such a person at all as Edward Lear."

"That," replied the other, "is just a bit of confusion; I know for a fact that Lord Derby created and illustrated the entire book himself. In reality, there’s no one named Edward Lear at all."

"Yet," said the other lady, "some friends of mine tell me they know Mr. Lear."

"Yet," said the other woman, "some friends of mine say they know Mr. Lear."

"Quite a mistake! completely a mistake!" said the old gentleman, becoming rather angry at the contradiction; "I am well aware of what I am saying: I can inform you, no such a person as 'Edward Lear' exists!"

"Definitely a mistake! Completely a mistake!" said the old man, getting kind of angry at the disagreement; "I know exactly what I'm saying: I can tell you, no one named 'Edward Lear' exists!"

Hitherto I had kept silence; but as my hat was, as well as my handkerchief and stick, largely marked inside with my name, and as I happened to have in my pocket several letters addressed to me, the temptation was too great to resist; so, flashing all these articles at once on my would-be extinguisher's attention, I speedily reduced him to silence.

I had stayed quiet until now; but since my hat, along with my handkerchief and stick, was clearly marked with my name inside, and I also had several letters addressed to me in my pocket, I couldn’t resist the temptation. So, I quickly showed all these items to the person trying to shut me down, and I quickly made him fall silent.

The second volume of Nonsense, commencing with the verses, "The Owl and the Pussy-Cat," was written at different times, and for different sets of children: the whole being collected in the course of last year, were then illustrated, and published in a single volume, by Mr. R.J. Bush, of 32 Charing Cross.

The second volume of Nonsense, starting with the verses, "The Owl and the Pussy-Cat," was written at different times for different groups of children. Everything was gathered over the past year, illustrated, and published in a single volume by Mr. R.J. Bush, located at 32 Charing Cross.

The contents of the third or present volume were made also at different intervals in the last two years.

The contents of this third volume were also created at different times over the past two years.

Long years ago, in days when much of my time was passed in a country house, where children and mirth abounded, the lines beginning, "There was an old man of Tobago," were suggested to me by a valued friend, as a form of verse lending itself to limitless variety for rhymes and pictures; and thenceforth the greater part of the original drawings and verses for the first "Book of Nonsense" were struck off with a pen, no assistance ever having been given me in any way but that of uproarious delight and welcome at the appearance of every new absurdity.

Many years ago, when I spent a lot of time in a country house filled with children and laughter, a good friend suggested to me the lines starting, "There was an old man of Tobago," as a type of verse that could have endless variations for rhymes and images. From then on, I created most of the original drawings and verses for the first "Book of Nonsense" by hand, receiving no help other than the joyous laughter and warm reception of every new silliness that came about.

Most of these Drawings and Rhymes were transferred to lithographic stones in the year 1846, and were then first published by Mr. Thomas McLean, of the Haymarket. But that edition having been soon exhausted, and the call for the "Book of Nonsense" continuing, I added a considerable number of subjects to those previously-published, and having caused the whole to be carefully reproduced in woodcuts by Messrs. Dalzell, I disposed of the copyright to Messrs. Routledge and Warne, by whom the volume was published in 1843.

Most of these drawings and rhymes were transferred to lithographic stones in 1846 and were first published by Mr. Thomas McLean, of the Haymarket. However, that edition sold out quickly, and since there was still demand for the "Book of Nonsense," I added a significant number of new subjects to the previously published ones. After having the whole collection carefully reproduced in woodcuts by Messrs. Dalzell, I sold the copyright to Messrs. Routledge and Warne, who published the volume in 1843.

EDWARD LEAR.

EDWARD LEAR.

VILLA EMILY, SAN REMO,
August, 1871.

VILLA EMILY, SAN REMO,
August, 1871.

ONE HUNDRED NONSENSE PICTURES AND RHYMES.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person of Bantry,
Who frequently slept in the pantry;
When disturbed by the mice, she appeased them with rice,
That judicious young person of Bantry.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person from Bantry, Who often napped in the pantry; When the mice woke her up, she calmed them with rice, That wise young person from Bantry.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an Old Man at a Junction,
Whose feelings were wrung with compunction
When they said, "The Train's gone!" he exclaimed, "How forlorn!"
But remained on the rails of the Junction.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an Old Man at a Junction,
Whose feelings were stirred with regret
When they said, "The Train's gone!" he exclaimed, "How sad!"
But stayed on the tracks of the Junction.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Minety,
Who purchased five hundred and ninety
Large apples and pears, which he threw unawares
At the heads of the people of Minety.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Minety,
Who bought five hundred and ninety
Big apples and pears, which he unexpectedly
Threw at the heads of the folks in Minety.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Thermopylae,
Who never did anything properly;
But they said, "If you choose to boil eggs in your shoes,
You shall never remain in Thermopylae."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Thermopylae,
Who never did anything right;
But they said, "If you decide to boil eggs in your shoes,
You won’t be staying in Thermopylae."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Deal,
Who in walking used only his heel;
When they said, "Tell us why?" he made no reply,
That mysterious old person of Deal.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly person from Deal,
Who walked only on his heel;
When they asked, "Why is that?" he just stayed quiet,
That mysterious old person from Deal.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man on the Humber,
Who dined on a cake of Burnt Umber;
When he said, "It's enough!" they only said, "Stuff!
You amazing old man on the Humber!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy by the Humber,
Who ate a cake made of Burnt Umber;
When he said, "That's enough!" they just replied, "Stuff!
You incredible old man by the Humber!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a barge,
Whose nose was exceedingly large;
But in fishing by night, it supported a light,
Which helped that old man in a barge.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a boat,
Whose nose was incredibly big;
But while fishing at night, it served as a light,
Which helped that old man in a boat.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Dunrose;
A parrot seized hold of his nose.
When he grew melancholy, they said, "His name's Polly,"
Which soothed that old man of Dunrose.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Dunrose;
A parrot grabbed onto his nose.
When he felt down, they said, "His name's Polly,"
Which cheered up that old man from Dunrose.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Toulouse
Who purchased a new pair of shoes;
When they asked, "Are they pleasant?" he said, "Not at present!"
That turbid old man of Toulouse.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Toulouse Who bought a new pair of shoes; When they asked, "Are they nice?" he said, "Not right now!" That grumpy old man from Toulouse.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Bree,
Who frequented the depths of the sea;
She nurs'd the small fishes, and washed all the dishes,
And swam back again into Bree.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old woman from Bree,
Who often visited the sea;
She cared for the little fish and cleaned all the dishes,
And swam back home to Bree.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Bromley,
Whose ways were not cheerful or comely;
He sate in the dust, eating spiders and crust,
That unpleasing old person of Bromley.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Bromley, Whose habits were neither cheerful nor lovely; He sat in the dirt, eating spiders and crust, That unpleasant old man from Bromley.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Shields,
Who frequented the vallies and fields;
All the mice and the cats, and the snakes and the rats,
Followed after that person of Shields.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Shields,
Who often roamed the valleys and fields;
All the mice and the cats, and the snakes and the rats,
Chased after that person from Shields.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Dunluce,
Who went out to sea on a goose:
When he'd gone out a mile, he observ'd with a smile,
"It is time to return to Dunluce."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Dunluce,
Who took a goose out to sea:
When he had gone a mile, he noticed with a smile,
"It's time to head back to Dunluce."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Dee-side
Whose hat was exceedingly wide,
But he said, "Do not fail, if it happen to hail,
To come under my hat at Dee-side!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Dee-side
Whose hat was incredibly wide,
But he said, "Make sure, if it starts to hail,
To come under my hat at Dee-side!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person in black,
A Grasshopper jumped on his back;
When it chirped in his ear, he was smitten with fear,
That helpless old person in black.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person dressed in black,
A grasshopper jumped onto his back;
When it chirped in his ear, he felt a wave of fear,
That helpless old person in black.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of the Dargle
Who purchased six barrels of Gargle;
For he said, "I'll sit still, and will roll them down hill,
For the fish in the depths of the Dargle."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from the Dargle
Who bought six barrels of Gargle;
He said, "I'll sit still and roll them downhill,
For the fish in the depths of the Dargle."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Pinner,
As thin as a lath, if not thinner;
They dressed him in white, and roll'd him up tight,
That elastic old person of Pinner.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Pinner, As thin as a stick, if not thinner; They dressed him in white and rolled him up tight, That stretchy old guy from Pinner.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of China,
Whose daughters were Jiska and Dinah,
Amelia and Fluffy, Olivia and Chuffy,
And all of them settled in China.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from China,
Whose daughters were Jiska and Dinah,
Amelia and Fluffy, Olivia and Chuffy,
And all of them lived in China.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a Marsh,
Whose manners were futile and harsh;
He sate on a log, and sang songs to a frog,
That instructive old man in a Marsh.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a marsh,
Whose behavior was pointless and rude;
He sat on a log and sang songs to a frog,
That instructive old man in a marsh.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Brill,
Who purchased a shirt with a frill;
But they said, "Don't you wish, you mayn't look like a fish,
You obsequious old person of Brill?"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Brill,
who bought a shirt with a frill;
But they said, "Don't you wish you wouldn't look like a fish,
You servile old person from Brill?"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Wick,
Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick;
Chickabee, Chickabaw." And he said nothing more,
That laconic old person of Wick.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Wick,
Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick;
Chickabee, Chickabaw." And he didn't say anything else,
That brief old guy from Wick.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man at a Station,
Who made a promiscuous oration;
But they said, "Take some snuff!—You have talk'd quite enough,
You afflicting old man at a Station!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man at a Station,
Who gave a random speech;
But they said, "Take some snuff!—You've talked way too much,
You annoying old man at a Station!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Three Bridges,
Whose mind was distracted by midges,
He sate on a wheel, eating underdone veal,
Which relieved that old man of Three Bridges.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Three Bridges,
Whose thoughts were bothered by gnats,
He sat on a wheel, eating rare veal,
Which helped that old man from Three Bridges.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Hong Kong,
Who never did anything wrong;
He lay on his back, with his head in a sack,
That innocuous old man of Hong Kong.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Hong Kong,
Who never did anything wrong;
He laid on his back, with his head in a sack,
That harmless old man from Hong Kong.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person in green,
Who seldom was fit to be seen;
She wore a long shawl, over bonnet and all,
Which enveloped that person in green.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person in green,
Who rarely looked good in the scene;
She wore a long shawl, over her bonnet and all,
Which wrapped that person in green.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Fife,
Who was greatly disgusted with life;
They sang him a ballad, and fed him on salad,
Which cured that old person of Fife.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Fife,
Who was really fed up with life;
They sang him a song and gave him a salad,
And that fixed the old person from Fife.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man who screamed out
Whenever they knocked him about:
So they took off his boots, and fed him with fruits,
And continued to knock him about.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man who shouted out Whenever they pushed him around: So they took off his boots, and fed him fruits, And kept on pushing him around.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young lady in white,
Who looked out at the depths of the night;
But the birds of the air, filled her heart with despair,
And oppressed that young lady in white.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young woman in white,
Who gazed into the darkness of the night;
But the birds in the sky, filled her with sadness,
And weighed down that young woman in white.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Slough,
Who danced at the end of a bough;
But they said, "If you sneeze, you might damage the trees,
You imprudent old person of Slough."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Slough, Who danced on the edge of a bough; But they said, "If you sneeze, you could hurt the trees, You reckless old person from Slough."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Down,
Whose face was adorned with a frown;
When he opened the door, for one minute or more,
He alarmed all the people of Down.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Down,
Whose face always wore a frown;
When he opened the door, for a minute or more,
He startled everyone in Down.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person in red,
Who carefully covered her head,
With a bonnet of leather, and three lines of feather,
Besides some long ribands of red.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
A young person dressed in red,
Who took care to cover her head,
With a leather bonnet, and three lines of feathers,
Along with some long red ribbons instead.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Hove,
Who frequented the depths of a grove;
Where he studied his books, with the wrens and the rooks,
That tranquil old person of Hove.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Hove,
Who often visited the depths of a grove;
Where he read his books, with the wrens and the rooks,
That calm old guy from Hove.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person in pink,
Who called out for something to drink;
But they said, "O my daughter, there's nothing but water!"
Which vexed that young person in pink.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person in pink,
Who asked for something to drink;
But they said, "Oh my dear, there's only water here!"
Which annoyed that young person in pink.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old lady of France,
Who taught little ducklings to dance;
When she said, "Tick-a-tack!" they only said, "Quack!"
Which grieved that old lady of France.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old woman from France,
Who taught little ducklings to dance;
When she said, "Tick-a-tack!" they just said, "Quack!"
Which made that old woman from France sad.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Putney,
Whose food was roast spiders and chutney,
Which he took with his tea, within sight of the sea,
That romantic old person of Putney.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly person from Putney,
Who ate roast spiders and chutney,
Which he had with his tea, while looking at the sea,
That whimsical old person from Putney.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Loo,
Who said, "What on earth shall I do?"
When they said, "Go away!" she continued to stay,
That vexatious old person of Loo.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly person from Loo,
Who said, "What in the world should I do?"
When they told her, "Leave now!" she stuck around, somehow,
That annoying old person from Loo.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Woking,
Whose mind was perverse and provoking;
He sate on a rail, with his head in a pail,
That illusive old person of Woking.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Woking, Whose thoughts were weird and annoying; He sat on a rail, with his head in a pail, That tricky old guy from Woking.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Dean
Who dined on one pea, and one bean;
For he said, "More than that, would make me too fat,"
That cautious old person of Dean.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly person from Dean
Who ate just one pea and one bean;
For he said, "If I eat any more, I'll get too fat,"
That careful old person from Dean.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young lady in blue,
Who said, "Is it you? Is it you?"
When they said, "Yes, it is," she replied only, "Whizz!"
That ungracious young lady in blue.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young woman in blue,
Who said, "Is it you? Is it you?"
When they said, "Yes, it is," she just replied, "Whizz!"
That rude young woman in blue.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old Man in a Garden,
Who always begged every one's pardon;
When they asked him, "What for?" he replied, "You're a bore!
And I trust you'll go out of my garden."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a garden,
who always apologized to everyone;
when they asked him, "For what?" he replied, "You're annoying!
And I hope you'll leave my garden."

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Pisa,
Whose daughters did nothing to please her;
She dressed them in gray, and banged them all day,
Round the walls of the city of Pisa.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old woman from Pisa,
Whose daughters never pleased her;
She dressed them in gray, and nagged them all day,
Round the walls of the city of Pisa.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Florence,
Who held mutton chops in abhorrence;
He purchased a Bustard, and fried him in Mustard,
Which choked that old person of Florence.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Florence,
Who really hated mutton chops;
He bought a Bustard and fried it in mustard,
And that choked the old guy from Florence.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Sheen,
Whose expression was calm and serene;
He sate in the water, and drank bottled porter,
That placid old person of Sheen.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Sheen,
Whose demeanor was calm and unbothered;
He sat in the water, drinking bottle beer,
That tranquil old man from Sheen.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Ware,
Who rode on the back of a bear;
When they ask'd, "Does it trot?" he said, "Certainly not!
He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Ware,
Who rode on the back of a bear;
When they asked, "Does it trot?" he said, "Definitely not!
He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person of Janina,
Whose uncle was always a fanning her;
When he fanned off her head, she smiled sweetly, and said,
"You propitious old person of Janina!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person from Janina, Whose uncle was always fanning her; When he accidentally fanned her head, she smiled sweetly and said, "You lucky old person from Janina!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Cashmere,
Whose movements were scroobious and queer;
Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall,
And perceived two fat ducks of Cashmere.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Cashmere,
Whose movements were strange and unclear;
Being slender and tall, he looked over a wall,
And saw two fat ducks from Cashmere.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Cassel,
Whose nose finished off in a tassel;
But they call'd out, "Oh well! don't it look like a bell!"
Which perplexed that old person of Cassel.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Cassel,
Whose nose ended in a tassel;
But they shouted, "Oh wow! doesn't it look like a bell!"
Which confused that old person from Cassel.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Pett,
Who was partly consumed by regret;
He sate in a cart, and ate cold apple tart,
Which relieved that old person of Pett.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Pett,
Who was somewhat eaten up by regret;
He sat in a cart, eating cold apple tart,
Which helped that old person from Pett.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Spithead,
Who opened the window, and said,—
"Fil-jomble, fil-jumble, fil-rumble-come-tumble!"
That doubtful old man of Spithead.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Spithead,
Who opened the window and said,—
"Fil-jomble, fil-jomble, fil-rumble-come-tumble!"
That uncertain old man from Spithead.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man on the Border,
Who lived in the utmost disorder;
He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,
Which vexed all the folks on the Border.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man by the Border,
Who lived in complete chaos;
He danced with the cat and brewed tea in his hat,
Which annoyed everyone in the Border area.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Dumbree,
Who taught little owls to drink tea;
For he said, "To eat mice is not proper or nice,"
That amiable man of Dumbree.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Dumbree,
Who taught little owls how to drink tea;
For he said, "Eating mice just isn't polite or nice,"
That friendly old man from Dumbree.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Filey,
Of whom his acquaintance spoke highly;
He danced perfectly well, to the sound of a bell,
And delighted the people of Filey.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Filey,
Whom his friends thought was pretty cool;
He danced really well, to the sound of a bell,
And brought joy to the people of Filey.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man whose remorse
Induced him to drink Caper Sauce;
For they said, "If mixed up with some cold claret-cup,
It will certainly soothe your remorse!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man who felt so guilty That he started drinking Caper Sauce; They said, "If you mix it with some cold claret, It will definitely ease your guilt!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Ibreem,
Who suddenly threaten'd to scream;
But they said, "If you do, we will thump you quite blue,
You disgusting old man of Ibreem!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Ibreem,
Who suddenly threatened to scream;
But they said, "If you do, we'll beat you up blue,
You gross old man from Ibreem!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Wilts,
Who constantly walked upon stilts;
He wreathed them with lilies and daffy-down-dillies,
That elegant person of Wilts.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Wiltshire, Who always walked around on stilts; He decorated them with lilies and daffodils, That stylish person from Wiltshire.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Grange,
Whose manners were scroobious and strange;
He sailed to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,
That aquatic old person of Grange.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Grange,
Whose behavior was odd and strange;
He set sail to St. Blubb in a waterproof tub,
That quirky old guy from Grange.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Newry,
Whose manners were tinctured with fury;
He tore all the rugs, and broke all the jugs,
Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Newry,
Whose behavior was filled with rage;
He ripped up all the carpets and smashed all the jugs,
Within a twenty-mile radius of Newry.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Dumblane,
Who greatly resembled a crane;
But they said, "Is it wrong, since your legs are so long,
To request you won't stay in Dumblane?"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Dumblane,
Who looked a lot like a crane;
But they said, "Is it rude, since your legs are so dude,
To ask you to leave Dumblane?"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Port Grigor,
Whose actions were noted for vigour;
He stood on his head till his waistcoat turned red,
That eclectic old man of Port Grigor.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Port Grigor,
Whose actions were known for their energy;
He stood on his head until his waistcoat turned red,
That unconventional old man from Port Grigor.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of El Hums,
Who lived upon nothing but crumbs,
Which he picked off the ground, with the other birds round,
In the roads and the lanes of El Hums.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from El Hums,
Who lived on nothing but crumbs,
Which he picked off the ground, with other birds around,
In the streets and alleys of El Hums.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of West Dumpet,
Who possessed a large nose like a trumpet;
When he blew it aloud, it astonished the crowd,
And was heard through the whole of West Dumpet.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from West Dumpet, Who had a huge nose like a trumpet; When he blew it loud, it amazed the crowd, And could be heard all over West Dumpet.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Sark,
Who made an unpleasant remark;
But they said, "Don't you see what a brute you must be,
You obnoxious old person of Sark!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Sark,
Who made a really rude comment;
But they said, "Don't you realize how awful you are,
You annoying old person from Sark!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man whose despair
Induced him to purchase a hare:
Whereon one fine day he rode wholly away,
Which partly assuaged his despair.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man whose sadness Led him to buy a hare: One fine day, he rode off completely, Which helped to ease his sadness a bit.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Barnes,
Whose garments were covered with darns;
But they said, "Without doubt, you will soon wear them out,
You luminous person of Barnes!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Barnes,
Whose clothes were full of patches;
But they said, "No doubt, you'll wear them out soon,
You bright person from Barnes!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Nice,
Whose associates were usually Geese.
They walked out together in all sorts of weather,
That affable person of Nice!

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Nice,
Whose friends were often geese.
They went out together in any kind of weather,
That friendly person from Nice!

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young lady of Greenwich,
Whose garments were border'd with Spinach;
But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,
Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young woman from Greenwich,
Whose clothes were trimmed with spinach;
But a big spotted calf chewed her shawl in half,
Which freaked out that young woman from Greenwich.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Cannes,
Who purchased three fowls and a fan;
Those she placed on a stool, and to make them feel cool
She constantly fanned them at Cannes.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Cannes, Who bought three chickens and a fan; She put them on a stool, and to keep them cool She constantly fanned them in Cannes.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Ickley,
Who could not abide to ride quickly;
He rode to Karnak on a tortoise's back,
That moony old person of Ickley.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Ickley,
Who just couldn't stand to go fast;
He took a ride to Karnak on a tortoise's back,
That quirky old person from Ickley.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Hyde,
Who walked by the shore with his bride,
Till a Crab who came near fill'd their bosoms with fear,
And they said, "Would we'd never left Hyde!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Hyde, Who strolled by the shore with his bride, Until a crab came close and left them quite scared, And they said, "I wish we had never left Hyde!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person in gray,
Whose feelings were tinged with dismay;
She purchased two parrots, and fed them with carrots,
Which pleased that old person in gray.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly woman in gray,
Whose emotions were filled with sadness;
She bought two parrots and fed them carrots,
Which made that elderly woman in gray happy.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Ancona,
Who found a small dog with no owner,
Which he took up and down all the streets of the town,
That anxious old man of Ancona.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Ancona, Who found a small dog that had no owner, So he took it all around the streets of the town, That worried old man from Ancona.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Sestri,
Who sate himself down in the vestry;
When they said, "You are wrong!" he merely said "Bong!"
That repulsive old person of Sestri.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Sestri,
Who sat himself down in the vestry;
When they said, "You're wrong!" he just replied, "Bong!"
That difficult old person from Sestri.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Blythe,
Who cut up his meat with a scythe;
When they said, "Well! I never!" he cried, "Scythes for ever!"
That lively old person of Blythe.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly man from Blythe, Who chopped his meat with a scythe; When they exclaimed, "Wow! I can't believe it!" he shouted, "Scythes forever!" That cheerful old man from Blythe.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person of Ayr,
Whose head was remarkably square:
On the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather;
Which dazzled the people of Ayr.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person from Ayr,
Whose head was surprisingly square:
On top, in nice weather, she wore a gold feather;
Which amazed the people of Ayr.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Rimini,
Who said, "Gracious! Goodness! O Gimini!"
When they said, "Please be still!" she ran down a hill,
And was never more heard of at Rimini.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Rimini,
Who said, "Wow! Oh my!"
When they asked, "Please be quiet!" she ran down a hill,
And was never heard from again in Rimini.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There is a young lady, whose nose,
Continually prospers and grows;
When it grew out of sight, she exclaimed in a fright,
"Oh! Farewell to the end of my nose!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There’s a young woman whose nose,
Just keeps getting bigger and grows;
When it finally got out of sight, she shouted in fright,
"Oh! Goodbye to the tip of my nose!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Ealing,
Who was wholly devoid of good feeling;
He drove a small gig, with three Owls and a Pig,
Which distressed all the people of Ealing.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Ealing,
Who had no sense of good feelings;
He drove a little cart, with three owls and a pig,
Which upset everyone in Ealing.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Thames Ditton,
Who called out for something to sit on;
But they brought him a hat, and said, "Sit upon that,
You abruptious old man of Thames Ditton!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Thames Ditton,
Who asked for something to sit on;
But they brought him a hat and said, "Sit on that,
You rude old man from Thames Ditton!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Bray,
Who sang through the whole of the day
To his ducks and his pigs, whom he fed upon figs,
That valuable person of Bray.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Bray,
Who sang all day long, come what may.
To his ducks and his pigs, whom he fed on figs,
That precious fellow from Bray.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person whose history
Was always considered a mystery;
She sate in a ditch, although no one knew which,
And composed a small treatise on history.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person whose story
Was always seen as a mystery;
She sat in a ditch, though no one knew which,
And wrote a little piece on history.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Bow,
Whom nobody happened to know;
So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, "We hope
You will go back directly to Bow!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Bow,
Whom no one really knew;
So they handed him some soap, and said flatly, "We hope
You’ll head back to Bow right away!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Rye,
Who went up to town on a fly;
But they said, "If you cough, you are safe to fall off!
You abstemious old person of Rye!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Rye,
Who traveled to town on a fly;
But they said, "If you cough, you're likely to fall off!
You careful old person from Rye!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Crowle,
Who lived in the nest of an owl;
When they screamed in the nest, he screamed out with the rest,
That depressing old person of Crowle.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Crowle,
Who lived in an owl's nest;
When they screamed in the nest, he screamed with the rest,
That gloomy old person from Crowle.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old Lady of Winchelsea,
Who said, "If you needle or pin shall see
On the floor of my room, sweep it up with the broom!"
That exhaustive old Lady of Winchelsea!

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly woman from Winchelsea,
Who said, "If you see a needle or pin
On my room's floor, just sweep it up with the broom!"
That thorough old woman from Winchelsea!

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a tree,
Whose whiskers were lovely to see;
But the birds of the air pluck'd them perfectly bare,
To make themselves nests in that tree.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man in a tree,
Whose whiskers were beautiful to see;
But the birds in the air picked them all bare,
To use for their nests in that tree.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young lady of Corsica,
Who purchased a little brown saucy-cur;
Which she fed upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,
That expensive young lady of Corsica.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young woman from Corsica,
Who bought a little brown sassy dog;
She fed it ham and hot raspberry jam,
That pricey young woman from Corsica.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young lady of Firle,
Whose hair was addicted to curl;
It curled up a tree, and all over the sea,
That expansive young lady of Firle.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young woman from Firle,
Whose hair had a mind of its own;
It curled up a tree and all over the sea,
That adventurous young woman from Firle.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Stroud,
Who was horribly jammed in a crowd;
Some she slew with a kick, some she scrunched with a stick,
That impulsive old person of Stroud.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Stroud,
Who got stuck in a crowd;
Some she kicked, some she hit with a stick,
That impulsive old person from Stroud.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Boulak,
Who sate on a Crocodile's back;
But they said, "Towr'ds the night he may probably bite,
Which might vex you, old man of Boulak!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Boulak,
Who sat on the back of a crocodile;
But they said, "Towards the night he might bite,
Which could annoy you, old man from Boulak!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Skye,
Who waltz'd with a Bluebottle fly:
They buzz'd a sweet tune, to the light of the moon,
And entranced all the people of Skye.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly person from Skye,
Who danced with a Bluebottle fly:
They buzzed a lovely tune, under the moonlight,
And captivated everyone in Skye.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Blackheath,
Whose head was adorned with a wreath
Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and mice,
That uncommon old man of Blackheath.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Blackheath,
Whose head was decorated with a wreath
Of lobsters and spice, pickled onions and mice,
That unusual old man from Blackheath.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man, who when little
Fell casually into a kettle;
But, growing too stout, he could never get out,
So he passed all his life in that kettle.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man who, when he was young,
Fell casually into a kettle;
But as he got bigger, he could never get out,
So he spent his whole life in that kettle.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Dundalk,
Who tried to teach fishes to walk;
When they tumbled down dead, he grew weary, and said,
"I had better go back to Dundalk!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Dundalk, Who tried to teach fish how to walk; When they fell over dead, he got tired and said, "I should probably just go back to Dundalk!"

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Shoreham,
Whose habits were marked by decorum;
He bought an Umbrella, and sate in the cellar,
Which pleased all the people of Shoreham.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an elderly person from Shoreham,
Whose behavior was always proper;
He bought an umbrella and sat in the basement,
Which made everyone in Shoreham happy.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Bar,
Who passed all her life in a jar,
Which she painted pea-green, to appear more serene,
That placid old person of Bar.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old woman from Bar,
Who spent her whole life in a jar,
She painted it pea-green to look more serene,
That calm old woman from Bar.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person of Kew,
Whose virtues and vices were few;
But with blamable haste she devoured some hot paste,
Which destroyed that young person of Kew.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was a young person from Kew,
Whose virtues and vices were few;
But with reckless speed, she ate some hot paste,
Which ended that young person from Kew.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Jodd,
Whose ways were perplexing and odd;
She purchased a whistle, and sate on a thistle,
And squeaked to the people of Jodd.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person from Jodd,
Whose behavior was confusing and odd;
She bought a whistle, and sat on a thistle,
And squeaked to the folks of Jodd.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Bude,
Whose deportment was vicious and crude;
He wore a large ruff of pale straw-colored stuff,
Which perplexed all the people of Bude.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Bude,
Whose behavior was rude and crude;
He wore a big ruff made of pale straw stuff,
Which confused everyone in Bude.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old person of Brigg,
Who purchased no end of a wig;
So that only his nose, and the end of his toes,
Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old guy from Brigg,
Who bought an endless wig;
So that only his nose and the tips of his toes,
Could be seen when he strolled around Brigg.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man of Messina,
Whose daughter was named Opsibeena;
She wore a small wig, and rode out on a pig,
To the perfect delight of Messina.

One Hundred Nonsense Pictures
There was an old man from Messina,
Whose daughter was named Opsibeena;
She wore a tiny wig and rode out on a pig,
To the absolute delight of Messina.

TWENTY-SIX NONSENSE RHYMES
AND PICTURES.

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
ass

The Absolutely Abstemious Ass,
who resided in a Barrel, and only lived on
Soda Water and Pickled Cucumbers.

The Totally Abstinent Donkey,
who lived in a Barrel, and only ate
Soda Water and Pickled Cucumbers.

 beetle

The Bountiful Beetle,
who always carried a Green Umbrella when it didn't rain,
and left it at home when it did.

The Bountiful Beetle,
who always took a Green Umbrella when it wasn't raining,
and left it at home when it was.
cow

The Comfortable Confidential Cow,
who sate in her Red Morocco Arm Chair and
toasted her own Bread at the parlour Fire.

The Comfy Confidential Cow,
who sat in her Red Leather Armchair and
toasted her own bread by the living room fire.

duck

The Dolomphious Duck,
who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
with a Runcible Spoon.

The Dolomphious Duck,
who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
with a Runcible Spoon.
elephant

The Enthusiastic Elephant,
who ferried himself across the water with the
Kitchen Poker and a New pair of Ear-rings.

The Excited Elephant,
who got himself across the water with the
Kitchen Poker and a New pair of Earrings.

fish

The Fizzgiggious Fish,
who always walked about upon Stilts,
because he had no legs.

The Fizzgiggious Fish,
who always walked around on stilts,
because he had no legs.
gull

The Good-natured Grey Gull,
who carried the Old Owl, and his Crimson Carpet-bag,
across the river, because he could not swim.

The Friendly Grey Gull,
who carried the Old Owl and his Red Carpet Bag,
across the river because he couldn't swim.

hen

The Hasty Higgeldipiggledy Hen,
who went to market in a Blue Bonnet and Shawl,
and bought a Fish for her Supper.

The Hasty Higgeldipiggledy Hen,
who went to the market in a blue bonnet and shawl,
and bought a fish for her dinner.
indian

The Inventive Indian,
who caught a Remarkable Rabbit in a
Stupendous Silver Spoon.

The Creative Indian,
who caught an Amazing Rabbit in a
Massive Silver Spoon.

jay

The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
who did up her Back Hair every morning with a Wreath of Roses,
Three feathers, and a Gold Pin.

The Wise Joyful Jay,
who styled her back hair every morning with a wreath of roses,
three feathers, and a gold pin.
kangaroo

The Kicking Kangaroo,
who wore a Pale Pink Muslin dress
with Blue spots.

The Kicking Kangaroo,
who wore a light pink muslin dress
with blue spots.

lobster

The Lively Learned Lobster,
who mended his own Clothes with
a Needle and Thread.

The Lively Learned Lobster,
who fixed his own clothes with
a needle and thread.
mouse

The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
who played a merry minuet on the
Piano-forte.

The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
who played a cheerful minuet on the
Piano-forte.

newt

The Nutritious Newt,
who purchased a Round Plum-pudding
for his grand-daughter.

The Nutritious Newt,
who bought a Round Plum Pudding
for his granddaughter.
ostrich

The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
who wore Boots to keep his
feet quite dry.

The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
who wore boots to keep his
feet completely dry.

polly

The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
who read the Newspaper and ate Parsnip Pie
with his Spectacles.

The Straightforward Purple Polly,
who read the newspaper and ate parsnip pie
with his glasses.
quail

The Queer Querulous Quail,
who smoked a Pipe of tobacco on the top of
a Tin Tea-kettle.

The Queer Querulous Quail,
who smoked a pipe of tobacco on top of
a tin tea kettle.

raven

The Rural Runcible Raven,
who wore a White Wig and flew away
with the Carpet Broom.

The Rural Runcible Raven,
who wore a white wig and flew away
with the carpet broom.
snake

The Scroobious Snake,
who always wore a Hat on his Head, for
fear he should bite anybody.

The Scroobious Snake,
who always wore a hat on his head, because
he was afraid he might bite someone.

 tortoise

The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
who beat a Drum all day long in the
middle of the wilderness.

The Noisy Tom-tommy Tortoise,
who played a drum all day long in the
middle of the wilderness.
umbrella-maker

The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker,
whose Face nobody ever saw, because it was
always covered by his Umbrella.

The Shady Umbrella-maker,
whose face no one ever saw, because it was
always hidden by his umbrella.

vulture

The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
Volume bound in Vellum.

The Clearly Cruel Vulture,
who penned some Poems to a Veal-cutlet in a
Book bound in Leather.
wasp

The Worrying Whizzing Wasp,
who stood on a Table, and played sweetly on a
Flute with a Morning Cap.

The Anxious Buzzing Wasp,
who stood on a Table and played a cheerful tune on a
Flute while wearing a Morning Hat.

xerxes

The Excellent Double-extra XX
imbibing King Xerxes, who lived a
long while ago.

The Excellent Double-extra XX
drinking King Xerxes, who lived a
long time ago.
yonghy-bonghy-bo

The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
whose Head was ever so much bigger than his
Body, and whose Hat was rather small.

The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
whose head was much bigger than his
body, and whose hat was pretty small.

zebra

The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
who carried five Monkeys on his back all
the way to Jellibolee.

The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
who carried five monkeys on his back all
the way to Jellibolee.
 

Funny Lyrics:
A Fourth Book of Nonsense Poems, Songs, Botany, Music, etc.

by
Edward Lear,

Author of 'Book of Nonsense', 'More Nonsense', 'Nonsense Songs', 'Stories', etc. Laughable Lyrics

With all the Original Illustrations.

With all the original illustrations.

1894

Originally published 1877

Originally published 1877

Laughable Lyrics
1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

Laughable Lyrics
1894 Cover
Click for a larger view.

LAUGHABLE LYRICS.

The Dong with a Luminous Nose The Two Old Bachelors The Pelican Chorus The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò The Pobble who has no Toes The New Vestments Mr. And Mrs. Discobbolos The Quangle Wangle's Hat The Cummerbund The Akond of Swat

The Dong with a Luminous Nose The Two Old Bachelors The Pelican Chorus The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò The Pobble who has no Toes The New Vestments Mr. And Mrs. Discobbolos The Quangle Wangle's Hat The Cummerbund The Akond of Swat

The Dong with a Luminous Nose

THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE.

When awful darkness and silence reign
Over the great Gromboolian plain,
Through the long, long wintry nights; When the angry breakers roar
As they beat on the rocky shore;
When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights Of the Hills of the Chankly Bore,—

When terrible darkness and silence take over
The vast Gromboolian plain,
Through the long, cold nights; When the furious waves crash
As they pound against the rocky shore;
When storm clouds gather over the steep mountains Of the Hills of the Chankly Bore,—

Then, through the vast and gloomy dark
There moves what seems a fiery spark,—
A lonely spark with silvery rays Piercing the coal-black night,— A Meteor strange and bright: Hither and thither the vision strays, A single lurid light.

Then, through the vast and gloomy dark
There moves what seems like a fiery spark,—
A lonely spark with silver rays Piercing the dark night,— A bright and strange meteor: Here and there the vision wanders, A bright, vivid light.

Slowly it wanders, pauses, creeps,—
Anon it sparkles, flashes, and leaps;
And ever as onward it gleaming goes
A light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.
And those who watch at that midnight hour
From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
Cry, as the wild light passes along,—
"The Dong! the Dong! The wandering Dong through the forest goes! The Dong! the Dong! The Dong with a luminous Nose!"

Slowly it meanders, pauses, creeps,—
Then it sparkles, flashes, and darts;
And as it continues to glimmer along
It casts a light on the Bong-tree trunks.
And those who watch at that midnight hour
From the hall or terrace or high tower,
Shout, as the wild light moves by,—
"The Dong! The Dong!" The wandering Dong is walking through the forest! The Dong! The Dong! "The Dong with a glowing nose!"

Long years ago The Dong was happy and gay, Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl
Who came to those shores one day. For the Jumblies came in a sieve, they did,—
Landing at eve near the Zemmery Fidd
Where the Oblong Oysters grow, And the rocks are smooth and gray. And all the woods and the valleys rang
With the Chorus they daily and nightly sang,—
"Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve."

A long time ago The Dong was happy and carefree, Until he fell for a Jumbly Girl
Who arrived on those shores one day? The Jumblies arrived in a sieve, they did,—
Landing at evening near the Zemmery Fidd
Where Oblong Oysters grow, The rocks are smooth and gray. And the woods and valleys echoed
With the chorus they sang day and night,—
"Far and few, far and few, These are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, "And they went to sea in a sieve."

Happily, happily passed those days!
While the cheerful Jumblies staid; They danced in circlets all night long, To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong, In moonlight, shine, or shade. For day and night he was always there
By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,
With her sky-blue hands and her sea-green hair;
Till the morning came of that hateful day
When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,
And the Dong was left on the cruel shore
Gazing, gazing for evermore,—
Ever keeping his weary eyes on
That pea-green sail on the far horizon,—
Singing the Jumbly Chorus still
As he sate all day on the grassy hill,—
"Far and few, far and few, Are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, And they went to sea in a sieve."

What happy days those were!
While the happy Jumblies stayed; They danced in circles all night. To the mournful melody of the cheerful Dong, In moonlight, shine, or shadow. Day and night he was always there
By the side of the beautiful Jumbly Girl,
With her sky-blue hands and sea-green hair;
Till that terrible morning came
When the Jumblies sailed away in their sieve,
and the Dong was left on the cruel shore
Staring, staring forevermore,—
Always keeping his tired eyes on
That pea-green sail on the distant horizon,—
Singing the Jumbly Chorus still
As he sat all day on the grassy hill,—
"Rare and few, rare and few, These are the lands where the Jumblies live; Their heads are green, and their hands are blue, "And they went to sea in a sieve."

But when the sun was low in the West,
The Dong arose and said,— —"What little sense I once possessed
Has quite gone out of my head!" And since that day he wanders still
By lake and forest, marsh and hill,
Singing, "O somewhere, in valley or plain,
Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!
For ever I'll seek by lake and shore
Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!"

But when the sun was low in the west,
The Dong stood up and said, — —"What little sense I once had
Has totally slipped my mind! And since that day he still wanders
By lake and forest, marsh and hill,
Singing, "Oh, somewhere, in valley or plain,
I hope to find my Jumbly Girl again!
Forever I will search by lake and shore
Until I find my Jumbly Girl once more!"

Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks, Since then his Jumbly Girl he seeks; And because by night he could not see, He gathered the bark of the Twangum Tree On the flowery plain that grows. And he wove him a wondrous Nose,— A Nose as strange as a Nose could be! Of vast proportions and painted red,
And tied with cords to the back of his head.
—In a hollow rounded space it ended With a luminous Lamp within suspended, All fenced about With a bandage stout To prevent the wind from blowing it out; And with holes all round to send the light In gleaming rays on the dismal night

Playing a pipe with a silver squeak, Since then, he's been looking for his Jumbly Girl; And since he couldn't see in the dark, He gathered the bark from the Twangum Tree. In the flowering field that’s in bloom. And he created an amazing Nose,— A nose as unique as a nose can be! Of huge size and painted bright red,
And strapped to the back of his head.
—It finished in an empty, rounded area With a bright lamp hanging inside, All bundled up With a strong band To prevent the wind from blowing it out; And with holes all around to let the light through In shining lights into the dark night

And now each night, and all night long,
Over those plains still roams the Dong;
And above the wail of the Chimp and Snipe
You may hear the squeak of his plaintive pipe,
While ever he seeks, but seeks in vain,
To meet with his Jumbly Girl again;
Lonely and wild, all night he goes,—
The Dong with a luminous Nose!
And all who watch at the midnight hour,
From Hall or Terrace or lofty Tower,
Cry, as they trace the Meteor bright,
Moving along through the dreary night,—
"This is the hour when forth he goes, The Dong with a luminous Nose! Yonder, over the plain he goes,— He goes! He goes,— The Dong with a luminous Nose!"

And now every night, and all night long,
Across those plains still roams the Dong;
And above the cries of the Chimp and Snipe
You can hear the squeak of his sad pipe,
While he always searches, but searches in vain,
To find his Jumbly Girl again;
Lonely and wild, he wanders all night,—
The Dong with a glowing Nose!
And all who watch at the midnight hour,
From halls or terraces or tall towers,
Cry, as they follow the bright Meteor,
Moving through the gloomy night,—
"This is the time when he goes out, The Dong with a glowing nose! Look, there he goes across the field,— He's leaving! He's going,— "The Dong with a Glowing Nose!"

The Two Old Bachelors.

THE TWO OLD BACHELORS.

Two old Bachelors were living in one house;
One caught a Muffin, the other caught a Mouse.
Said he who caught the Muffin to him who caught the Mouse,—
"This happens just in time! For we've nothing in the house,
Save a tiny slice of lemon and a teaspoonful of honey,
And what to do for dinner—since we haven't any money?
And what can we expect if we haven't any dinner,
But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and keep on growing thinner?"

Two old bachelors were living together in one house;
One caught a muffin, the other caught a mouse.
The one who caught the muffin said to the one who caught the mouse,—
"This is perfect timing! We have nothing in the house,
Except a tiny slice of lemon and a spoonful of honey,
And what are we supposed to do for dinner—since we're out of money?
And what can we expect if we don’t have any dinner,
But to lose our teeth and eyelashes and just keep getting thinner?"

Said he who caught the Mouse to him who caught the Muffin,—
"We might cook this little Mouse, if we only had some Stuffin'!
If we had but Sage and Onion we could do extremely well;
But how to get that Stuffin' it is difficult to tell!"

Said the one who caught the Mouse to the one who caught the Muffin,—
"We could cook this little Mouse if we just had some Stuffing!
If we only had Sage and Onion, we would be in great shape;
But figuring out how to get that Stuffing is a real challenge!"

Those two old Bachelors ran quickly to the town
And asked for Sage and Onion as they wandered up and down;
They borrowed two large Onions, but no Sage was to be found
In the Shops, or in the Market, or in all the Gardens round.

Those two old bachelors rushed into town
And asked for sage and onion as they strolled around;
They borrowed two big onions, but couldn't find any sage
In the shops, or at the market, or in all the gardens nearby.

But some one said, "A hill there is, a little to the north,
And to its purpledicular top a narrow way leads forth;
And there among the rugged rocks abides an ancient Sage,—
An earnest Man, who reads all day a most perplexing page.
Climb up, and seize him by the toes,—all studious as he sits,—
And pull him down, and chop him into endless little bits!
Then mix him with your Onion (cut up likewise into Scraps),—
When your Stuffin' will be ready, and very good—perhaps."

But someone said, "There's a hill a little to the north,
And a narrow path leads up to its purple peak;
There, among the rocky cliffs, lives an ancient Sage,—
A serious guy who spends all day reading a really confusing book.
Climb up and grab him by his toes while he's deep in thought,
And pull him down, chopping him into endless tiny pieces!
Then mix him with your onion (also cut into bits),—
When your stuffing will be ready, and really good—maybe."

Those two old Bachelors without loss of time
The nearly purpledicular crags at once began to climb;
And at the top, among the rocks, all seated in a nook,
They saw that Sage a-reading of a most enormous book.

Those two old bachelors quickly started to climb the nearly vertical cliffs; And at the top, among the rocks, all sitting in a nook, They saw that sage reading a really huge book.

"You earnest Sage!" aloud they cried, "your book you've read enough in!
We wish to chop you into bits to mix you into Stuffin'!"

"You serious Sage!" they shouted, "you've read your book enough!
We want to chop you into pieces to mix you into stuffing!"

But that old Sage looked calmly up, and with his awful book,
At those two Bachelors' bald heads a certain aim he took;
And over Crag and precipice they rolled promiscuous down,—
At once they rolled, and never stopped in lane or field or town;
And when they reached their house, they found (besides their want of Stuffin'),
The Mouse had fled—and, previously, had eaten up the Muffin.

But that old Sage looked up calmly, and with his scary book, He aimed at those two Bachelors' bald heads; And over cliffs and steep drops, they tumbled down together— They rolled without stopping in any lane, field, or town; And when they got to their house, they discovered (besides their lack of Stuffin'), The Mouse had escaped—and, beforehand, had gobbled up the Muffin.

They left their home in silence by the once convivial door;
And from that hour those Bachelors were never heard of more.

They quietly left their home through the once cheerful door;
And from that moment, those Bachelors were never heard from again.

THE PELICAN CHORUS.

The Pelican Chorus

King and Queen of the Pelicans we;
No other Birds so grand we see!
None but we have feet like fins!
With lovely leathery throats and chins!
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee! We think no Birds so happy as we! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican Jill! We think so then, and we thought so still

King and Queen of the Pelicans are we;
No other birds are as grand as we see!
None but us have feet like fins!
With beautiful, leathery throats and chins!
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican yay! We believe no birds are as happy as we are! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican Jill! We believed that back then, and we still believe it now.

We live on the Nile. The Nile we love.
By night we sleep on the cliffs above;
By day we fish, and at eve we stand
On long bare islands of yellow sand.
And when the sun sinks slowly down,
And the great rock walls grow dark and brown,
Where the purple river rolls fast and dim
And the Ivory Ibis starlike skim,
Wing to wing we dance around,
Stamping our feet with a flumpy sound,
Opening our mouths as Pelicans ought;
And this is the song we nightly snort,—
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee! We think no Birds so happy as we! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill! We think so then, and we thought so still!

We live by the Nile. The Nile we adore.
At night we sleep on the cliffs above;
During the day we fish, and in the evening we stand
On long, bare islands of yellow sand.
And when the sun slowly sinks down,
And the massive rock walls turn dark and brown,
Where the purple river flows fast and dim
And the Ivory Ibis glides by like a star,
Wing to wing we dance around,
Stomping our feet with a flumpy sound,
Opening our mouths just like Pelicans do;
And this is the song we sing every night,—
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican wow! We believe no birds are as happy as we are! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill! We thought that then, and we still think that now!

Last year came out our Daughter Dell,
And all the Birds received her well.
To do her honor a feast we made
For every bird that can swim or wade,—
Herons and Gulls, and Cormorants black,
Cranes, and Flamingoes with scarlet back,
Plovers and Storks, and Geese in clouds,
Swans and Dilberry Ducks in crowds:
Thousands of Birds in wondrous flight!
They ate and drank and danced all night,
And echoing back from the rocks you heard
Multitude-echoes from Bird and Bird,—
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee! We think no Birds so happy as we! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill! We think so then, and we thought so still!

Last year, our daughter Dell was born,
And all the birds welcomed her warmly.
To celebrate her, we threw a feast
For every bird that can swim or wade—
Herons and gulls, and black cormorants,
Cranes and flamingos with their red backs,
Plovers and storks, and geese in flocks,
Swans and Dilberry ducks in groups:
Thousands of birds soaring through the night!
They ate, drank, and danced all night long,
And from the rocks, you could hear the sounds
Of echoes bouncing back from bird to bird,—
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican, wow! We believe no birds are as happy as we are! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican girl! We thought that back then, and we still believe it now!

Yes, they came; and among the rest
The King of the Cranes all grandly dressed.
Such a lovely tail! Its feathers float
Between the ends of his blue dress-coat;
With pea-green trowsers all so neat,
And a delicate frill to hide his feet
(For though no one speaks of it, every one knows
He has got no webs between his toes).

Yes, they arrived; and among them
The King of the Cranes, all dressed up in style.
What a beautiful tail! Its feathers drift
Between the edges of his blue coat;
With tidy pea-green trousers,
And a delicate trim to cover his feet
(Although no one mentions it, everyone knows
He has no webbing between his toes).

As soon as he saw our Daughter Dell,
In violent love that Crane King fell,—
On seeing her waddling form so fair,
With a wreath of shrimps in her short white hair.
And before the end of the next long day
Our Dell had given her heart away;
For the King of the Cranes had won that heart
With a Crocodile's egg and a large fish-tart.
She vowed to marry the King of the Cranes,
Leaving the Nile for stranger plains;
And away they flew in a gathering crowd
Of endless birds in a lengthening cloud.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee! We think no Birds so happy as we! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill! We think so then, and we thought so still!

As soon as he saw our Daughter Dell,
In intense love, the Crane King fell,—
On seeing her waddling figure so fair,
With a wreath of shrimp in her short white hair.
And by the end of the next long day,
Our Dell had given her heart away;
For the King of the Cranes had captured that heart
With a Crocodile's egg and a big fish tart.
She promised to marry the King of the Cranes,
Leaving the Nile for unfamiliar plains;
And off they soared in a growing crowd
Of endless birds in a stretching cloud.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican, wow! We believe no birds are as happy as we are! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican girl! We believed that then, and we still believe it now!

And far away in the twilight sky
We heard them singing a lessening cry,—
Farther and farther, till out of sight,
And we stood alone in the silent night!
Often since, in the nights of June,
We sit on the sand and watch the moon,—
She has gone to the great Gromboolian Plain,
And we probably never shall meet again!
Oft, in the long still nights of June,
We sit on the rocks and watch the moon,—
She dwells by the streams of the Chankly Bore.
And we probably never shall see her more.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican jee! We think no Birds so happy as we! Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill! We think so then, and we thought so still!

And far away in the twilight sky
We heard them singing a fading song,—
Farther and farther, until they disappeared,
And we stood alone in the quiet night!
Often since, on June nights,
We sit on the sand and watch the moon,—

She has gone to the vast Gromboolian Plain,
And we probably will never meet again!
Often, during the long still nights of June,
We sit on the rocks and watch the moon,—
She lives by the streams of the Chankly Bore.
And we probably will never see her again.
Ploffskin, Pluffskin, Pelican wow!
We believe no birds are as happy as we are!
Plumpskin, Ploshkin, Pelican jill!
We believed that then, and we still believe it now!

'Sheet Music: The Pelicans
2004: also available as .pdf, .midi, or Lilypond markup

2004: also available as __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__, or __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_2__

NOTE.—The Air of this and the following Song by Edward Lear; the Arrangement for the Piano by Professor Pomè, of San Remo, Italy.

NOTE.—The melody of this and the next song is by Edward Lear; the piano arrangement is by Professor Pomè, from San Remo, Italy.

The Courtship of the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo

THE COURTSHIP OF THE YONGHY-BONGHY-BÒ.

I.

I.

On the Coast of Coromandel
Where the early pumpkins blow, In the middle of the woods Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. Two old chairs, and half a candle,
One old jug without a handle,—
These were all his worldly goods: In the middle of the woods, These were all the worldly goods Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Of the Yonghy-Bonghy Bò.

On the Coast of Coromandel
Where the first pumpkins grow, In the heart of the forest Lived the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. Two old chairs and half a candle,
One old jug with no handle,—
These were all his belongings: In the heart of the forest, These were all the material belongings Of the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Of the Yonghy-Bonghy Boo.

II.

II.

Once, among the Bong-trees walking
Where the early pumpkins blow, To a little heap of stones Came the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. There he heard a Lady talking,
To some milk-white Hens of Dorking,—
"'Tis the Lady Jingly Jones! On that little heap of stones Sits the Lady Jingly Jones!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

Once, among the Bong-trees walking
Where the first pumpkins grow, To a small stack of stones Came the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. There he heard a Lady talking,
To some milk-white Dorking hens,—
"It's Lady Jingly Jones!" On that small pile of stones "Here sits Lady Jingly Jones!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

III.

III.

"Lady Jingly! Lady Jingly!
Sitting where the pumpkins blow, Will you come and be my wife?" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. "I am tired of living singly"—
On this coast so wild and shingly,—
I'm a-weary of my life; If you'll come and be my wife, Quite serene would be my life!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

"Lady Jingly! Lady Jingly!
Sitting among the pumpkins, "Will you come and be my wife?" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. "I'm tired of living alone"—
On this coast so wild and rocky,—
I'm tired of my life; If you agree to be my wife, "My life would be so peaceful!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

IV.

IV.

"On this Coast of Coromandel
Shrimps and watercresses grow, Prawns are plentiful and cheap," Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. "You shall have my chairs and candle,
And my jug without a handle!
Gaze upon the rolling deep (Fish is plentiful and cheap); As the sea, my love is deep!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

"On this Coast of Coromandel
Shrimp and watercress grow, Prawns are plentiful and cheap. Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. "You can have my chairs and candle,
And my jug without a handle!
Look at the waves. Fish is plentiful and cheap. "My love is as deep as the sea!" Said Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

V.

V.

Lady Jingly answered sadly,
And her tears began to flow,— "Your proposal comes too late, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! I would be your wife most gladly!"
(Here she twirled her fingers madly,)
"But in England I've a mate! Yes! you've asked me far too late, For in England I've a mate, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!

Lady Jingly replied sadly,
And her tears began to fall,— "Your offer is too late," Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! I would happily be your wife!"
(Here she twirled her fingers wildly,)
"But in England, I have a partner!" Yes! You've come to me way too late, In England, I have a partner, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!

VI.

VI.

"Mr. Jones (his name is Handel,—
Handel Jones, Esquire, & Co.) Dorking fowls delights to send, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! Keep, oh, keep your chairs and candle,
And your jug without a handle,—
I can merely be your friend! Should my Jones more Dorkings send, I will give you three, my friend! Mr. Yonghy-Bongy-Bò! Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!

"Mr. Jones (his name is Handel,—
Handel Jones, Esq., & Co. Loves to send Dorking chickens, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! Keep, oh, keep your chairs and candle,
And your jug without a handle,—
I can just be your friend! If my Jones sends more Dorkings, I'll give you three, my friend! Mr. Yonghy-Bongy-Bò! Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!

VII.

VII.

"Though you've such a tiny body,
And your head so large doth grow,— Though your hat may blow away, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! Though you're such a Hoddy Doddy,
Yet I wish that I could modi-
fy the words I needs must say! Will you please to go away? That is all I have to say, Mr. Yongby-Bonghy-Bò! Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!"

"Even though you have such a tiny body,
And your head is so large, Even if your hat gets blown away, Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò! Even though you're such a silly person,
Still, I wish I could change-
The things I need to say! Can you please just leave? That's everything I wanted to say, Mr. Yongby-Bonghy-Bò! Mr. Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò!


VIII.

VIII.

Down the slippery slopes of Myrtle,
Where the early pumpkins blow, To the calm and silent sea Fled the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. There, beyond the Bay of Gurtle,
Lay a large and lively Turtle.
"You're the Cove," he said, "for me; On your back beyond the sea, Turtle, you shall carry me!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

Down the slippery slopes of Myrtle,
Where the first pumpkins grow, To the peaceful and quiet sea Fled the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. There, beyond the Bay of Gurtle,
Lay a large and lively Turtle.
"You're the perfect place for me; On your back across the ocean, "Turtle, carry me!" Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Said the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

The Courtship of the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo

IX.

IX.

Through the silent-roaring ocean
Did the Turtle swiftly go; Holding fast upon his shell Rode the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. With a sad primaeval motion
Towards the sunset isles of Boshen
Still the Turtle bore him well. Holding fast upon his shell, "Lady Jingly Jones, farewell!" Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

Through the silently roaring ocean
The turtle moved quickly; Holding tight to his shell Rode the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. With a wistful ancient motion
Towards the sunset islands of Boshen
Still, the Turtle carried him smoothly. Holding onto his shell, “Goodbye, Lady Jingly Jones!” Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, Sang the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

X.

X.

From the Coast of Coromandel
Did that Lady never go; On that heap of stones she mourns For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. On that Coast of Coromandel,
In his jug without a handle
Still she weeps, and daily moans; On that little heap of stones To her Dorking Hens she moans, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

From the Coast of Coromandel
Did that woman never go? On that pile of stones, she mourns. For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò. On that Coast of Coromandel,
In his jug without a handle
Still, she cries and moans every day; On that small pile of stones She mourns for her Dorking hens, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò, For the Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò.

Sheet Music: The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bò
Also available as .pdf, .midi, or Lilypond markup. (added 2004)
The Pobble who has no Toes

THE POBBLE WHO HAS NO TOES.

I.

I.

The Pobble who has no toes
Had once as many as we; When they said, "Some day you may lose them all;"
He replied, "Fish fiddle de-dee!" And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink
Lavender water tinged with pink;
For she said, "The World in general knows
There's nothing so good for a Pobble's toes!"

The Pobble who has no toes
Used to have as many as we have now; When they said, "One day you might lose them all;"
He replied, "Fish fiddle dee-dee!" And his Aunt Jobiska made him drink
Lavender water mixed with pink;
For she said, "The world knows in general
There's nothing better for a Pobble's toes!"

II.

II.

The Pobble who has no toes,
Swam across the Bristol Channel; But before he set out he wrapped his nose
In a piece of scarlet flannel. For his Aunt Jobiska said, "No harm
Can come to his toes if his nose is warm;
And it's perfectly known that a Pobble's toes
Are safe—provided he minds his nose."

The Pobble who has no toes,
Swam across the Bristol Channel; But before he set out, he wrapped his nose
In a red flannel piece. For his Aunt Jobiska said, "No harm
Can come to his toes if his nose is warm;
And it's well known that a Pobble's toes
Are safe—if he takes care of his nose."

III.

III.

The Pobble swam fast and well,
And when boats or ships came near him, He tinkledy-binkledy-winkled a bell
So that all the world could hear him. And all the Sailors and Admirals cried,
When they saw him nearing the further side,—
"He has gone to fish, for his Aunt Jobiska's
Runcible Cat with crimson whiskers!"

The Pobble swam quickly and skillfully,
And when boats or ships came near him, He jingled a bell
So that everyone could hear him. And all the sailors and admirals shouted,
When they saw him approaching the other side,—
"He has gone fishing for his Aunt Jobiska's
Unique Cat with red whiskers!"

IV.

IV.

But before he touched the shore,—
The shore of the Bristol Channel, A sea-green Porpoise carried away
His wrapper of scarlet flannel. And when he came to observe his feet,
Formerly garnished with toes so neat,
His face at once became forlorn
On perceiving that all his toes were gone!

But before he reached the shore,—
The coast of the Bristol Channel, A sea-green porpoise swam off
With his vibrant red blanket. And when he looked down at his feet,
Once adorned with such neat toes,
He instantly felt despondent
Realizing that all his toes were missing!

V.

V.

And nobody ever knew,
From that dark day to the present, Whoso had taken the Pobble's toes,
In a manner so far from pleasant. Whether the shrimps or crawfish gray,
Or crafty Mermaids stole them away,
Nobody knew; and nobody knows
How the Pobble was robbed of his twice five toes!

And nobody ever knew,
From that dark day until now, Whoever took the Pobble's toes,
In a way that was unkind. Whether the shrimp or gray crawfish,
Or sneaky mermaids took them away,
Nobody knew; and nobody knows
How the Pobble lost his ten toes!

VI.

VI.

The Pobble who has no toes
Was placed in a friendly Bark, And they rowed him back, and carried him up
To his Aunt Jobiska's Park. And she made him a feast, at his earnest wish,
Of eggs and buttercups fried with fish;
And she said, "It's a fact the whole world knows,
That Pobbles are happier without their toes."

The Pobble who has no toes
Was placed in a friendly boat, And they paddled him back, then took him up
To Aunt Jobiska's park. And she prepared a feast, just like he wanted,
Of eggs and buttercups fried with fish;
And she said, "It's something everyone knows,
That Pobbles are happier without their toes."

THE NEW VESTMENTS.

There lived an old man in the Kingdom of Tess,
Who invented a purely original dress;
And when it was perfectly made and complete,
He opened the door and walked into the street.

There was an old man in the Kingdom of Tess,
Who came up with a totally unique outfit;
And when it was perfectly made and ready,
He opened the door and stepped out into the street.

By way of a hat he'd a loaf of Brown Bread,
In the middle of which he inserted his head;
His Shirt was made up of no end of dead Mice,
The warmth of whose skins was quite fluffy and nice;
His Drawers were of Rabbit-skins, so were his Shoes;
His Stockings were skins, but it is not known whose;
His Waistcoat and Trowsers were made of Pork Chops;
His Buttons were Jujubes and Chocolate Drops;
His Coat was all Pancakes, with Jam for a border,
And a girdle of Biscuits to keep it in order;
And he wore over all, as a screen from bad weather,
A Cloak of green Cabbage-leaves stitched all together.

He used a loaf of brown bread as a hat,
With his head sticking out in the middle of that;
His shirt was made from a bunch of dead mice,
The warmth of their fur felt really fluffy and nice;
His pants were made of rabbit skins, and so were his shoes;
His stockings were skins, though we don't know whose;
His vest and trousers were made from pork chops;
His buttons were jujubes and chocolate drops;
His coat was all pancakes, with jam around the edge,
And a belt of biscuits to keep it in check;
And over it all, to shield from bad weather,
He wore a cloak made of green cabbage leaves stitched together.

He had walked a short way, when he heard a great noise,
Of all sorts of Beasticles, Birdlings, and Boys;
And from every long street and dark lane in the town
Beasts, Birdies, and Boys in a tumult rushed down.
Two Cows and a Calf ate his Cabbage-leaf Cloak;
Four Apes seized his Girdle, which vanished like smoke;
Three Kids ate up half of his Pancaky Coat,
And the tails were devour'd by an ancient He Goat;
An army of Dogs in a twinkling tore up his
Pork Waistcoat and Trowsers to give to their Puppies;
And while they were growling, and mumbling the Chops,
Ten Boys prigged the Jujubes and Chocolate Drops.
He tried to run back to his house, but in vain,
For scores of fat Pigs came again and again:
They rushed out of stables and hovels and doors;
They tore off his stockings, his shoes, and his drawers;
And now from the housetops with screechings descend
Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray Cats without end:
They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat,
When Crows, Ducks, and Hens made a mincemeat of that;
They speedily flew at his sleeves in a trice,
And utterly tore up his Shirt of dead Mice;
They swallowed the last of his Shirt with a squall,—
Whereon he ran home with no clothes on at all.

He had walked a short distance when he heard a loud noise,
With all kinds of animals, birds, and boys;
And from every long street and dark alley in the town
Animals, birds, and boys rushed down in a chaos.
Two cows and a calf ate his cabbage-leaf cloak;
Four monkeys grabbed his belt, which disappeared like smoke;
Three kids devoured half of his pancake coat,
And an old goat chowed down on the tails;
A swarm of dogs quickly ripped apart his
Pork waistcoat and trousers to share with their puppies;
And while they growled and chewed on their treats,
Ten boys swiped the jujubes and chocolate drops.
He tried to run back to his house, but it was useless,
As flocks of fat pigs kept coming back repeatedly:
They charged out of stables, hovels, and doors;
They tore off his stockings, shoes, and underwear;
Now from the rooftops, with screeches all around,
Striped, spotted, white, black, and gray cats came down:
They jumped on his shoulders and knocked off his hat,
While crows, ducks, and hens made a mess of that;
They quickly attacked his sleeves in no time,
And utterly shredded his shirt made of dead mice;
They swallowed the last of his shirt with a squawk,—
Whereupon he ran home with no clothes on at all.

And he said to himself, as he bolted the door,
"I will not wear a similar dress any more,
Any more, any more, any more, never more!"

And he said to himself, as he locked the door,
"I will never wear a dress like that again,
Not again, not again, not again, never again!"

MR. AND MRS. DISCOBBOLOS.

I.

I.

Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos Climbed to the top of a wall. And they sate to watch the sunset sky, And to hear the Nupiter Piffkin cry, And the Biscuit Buffalo call. They took up a roll and some Camomile tea,
And both were as happy as happy could be,
Till Mrs. Discobbolos said,— "Oh! W! X! Y! Z! It has just come into my head, Suppose we should happen to fall!!!!! Darling Mr. Discobbolos!

Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos Climbed to the top of a wall. And they sat down to watch the sunset sky, And to hear the Nupiter Piffkin scream, And the Biscuit Buffalo call. They brought a roll and some chamomile tea,
And both were as happy as could be,
Until Mrs. Discobbolos said,— "Oh! W! X! Y! Z!" It just occurred to me, What if we accidentally fall? Darling Mr. Discobolos!

II.

II.

"Suppose we should fall down flumpetty,
Just like pieces of stone, On to the thorns, or into the moat, What would become of your new green coat? And might you not break a bone? It never occurred to me before,
That perhaps we shall never go down any more!"
And Mrs. Discobbolos said, "Oh! W! X! Y! Z! What put it into your head To climb up this wall, my own Darling Mr. Discobbolos?"

"Imagine if we fell down flat,
Just like pieces of stone, Into the thorns or into the ditch, What will happen to your new green coat? What would happen if you broke a bone? It never occurred to me before,
That maybe we’ll never come down again!"
And Mrs. Discobbolos said, Oh! W! X! Y! Z! What made you think? To climb this wall, my dear "Dear Mr. Discobbolos?"

III.

III.

Mr. Discobbolos answered,
"At first it gave me pain, And I felt my ears turn perfectly pink When your exclamation made me think We might never get down again! But now I believe it is wiser far
To remain for ever just where we are."
And Mr. Discobbolos said, "Oh! W! X! Y! Z! It has just come into my head We shall never go down again, Dearest Mrs. Discobbolos!"

Mr. Discobbolos replied,
"At first, it hurt." And I felt my ears get really pink. When your shout got me thinking We may never come down again! But now I think it's much wiser
To stay right where we are."
And Mr. Discobbolos shouted, "Oh! W! X! Y! Z! It just occurred to me We will never come down again, My beloved Mrs. Discobbolos!

IV.

IV.

So Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
Stood up and began to sing,— "Far away from hurry and strife Here we will pass the rest of life, Ding a dong, ding dong, ding! We want no knives nor forks nor chairs,
No tables nor carpets nor household cares;
From worry of life we've fled; Oh! W! X! Y! Z! There is no more trouble ahead, Sorrow or any such thing, For Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos!"

So Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos
Got up and started to sing, — "Far away from the hustle and bustle" Here we will spend the rest of our lives, Ding a dong, ding dong, ding! We want no knives or forks or chairs,
No tables or carpets or household worries;
We’ve escaped from life's stresses; Oh! W! X! Y! Z! No more trouble ahead, No sadness or anything like that, For Mr. and Mrs. Discobbolos!

The Quangle Wangle's Hat

THE QUANGLE WANGLE'S HAT.

I.

I.

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat, But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. For his Hat was a hundred and two feet wide,
With ribbons and bibbons on every side,
And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace,
So that nobody ever could see the face
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat, But you couldn't see his face,
Because of his Beaver Hat. His Hat was a hundred and two feet wide,
With ribbons and bows on every side,
And bells, buttons, loops, and lace,
So that nobody could ever see the face
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

II.

II.

The Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, "Jam, and jelly, and bread
Are the best of food for me! But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree
The plainer than ever it seems to me
That very few people come this way
And that life on the whole is far from gay!"
Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.

The Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, "Jam, jelly, and bread
Is the best food for me! But the longer I live on this Crumpetty Tree
The more it seems clear to me
That very few people pass this way
And that life, overall, is far from cheerful!"
Said the Quangle Wangle Quee.

III.

III.

But there came to the Crumpetty Tree
Mr. and Mrs. Canary; And they said, "Did ever you see
Any spot so charmingly airy? May we build a nest on your lovely Hat?
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
O please let us come and build a nest
Of whatever material suits you best,
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"

But Mr. and Mrs. Canary came to the Crumpetty Tree
And they said, "Have you ever seen
A place so beautifully open? Can we make a nest on your lovely Hat?
Mr. Quangle Wangle, please let us do that!
Oh please, let us come and build a nest
With any materials you like the most,
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"

IV.

IV.

And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree
Came the Stork, the Duck, and the Owl; The Snail and the Bumble-Bee,
The Frog and the Fimble Fowl (The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew leg);
And all of them said, "We humbly beg
We may build our homes on your lovely Hat,—
Mr. Quangle Wangle, grant us that!
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!"

And besides, to the Crumpetty Tree
The Stork, the Duck, and the Owl arrived; The Snail and the Bumble Bee,
The Frog and the Fimble Fowl (The Fimble Fowl, with a Corkscrew leg);
And they all said, "We humbly ask
If we can build our homes on your lovely Hat,—
Mr. Quangle Wangle, please grant us that!
Mr. Quangle Wangle Quee!

V.

V.

And the Golden Grouse came there,
And the Pobble who has no toes, And the small Olympian bear,
And the Dong with a luminous nose. And the Blue Baboon who played the flute,
And the Orient Calf from the Land of Tute,
And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat,—
All came and built on the lovely Hat
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

And the Golden Grouse showed up there,
And the Pobble who has no toes, And the little Olympian bear,
And the Dong with a shiny nose. And the Blue Baboon who played the flute,
And the Oriental Calf from the Land of Tute,
And the Attery Squash, and the Bisky Bat,—
All came and built on the lovely Hat
Of the Quangle Wangle Quee.

VI.

VI.

And the Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, "When all these creatures move
What a wonderful noise there'll be!" And at night by the light of the Mulberry moon
They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon,
On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
And all were as happy as happy could be,
With the Quangle Wangle Quee.

And the Quangle Wangle said
To himself on the Crumpetty Tree, "When all these creatures move
"What an amazing sound there will be!" And at night under the light of the Mulberry moon
They danced to the Flute of the Blue Baboon,
On the broad green leaves of the Crumpetty Tree,
And everyone was as happy as could be,
With the Quangle Wangle Quee.

THE CUMMERBUND.
An Indian Poem.

I.

I.

She sate upon her Dobie, To watch the Evening Star, And all the Punkahs, as they passed, Cried, "My! how fair you are!" Around her bower, with quivering leaves, The tall Kamsamahs grew, And Kitmutgars in wild festoons Hung down from Tchokis blue.

She sat on her sofa, Watching the Evening Star, And all the fans, as they went by, Said, "Wow! You look awesome!" Surrounding her space, with fluttering leaves, The tall palm trees grew, And waiters in wild garlands Hung down from the blue canopies.

II.

II.

Below her home the river rolled With soft meloobious sound, Where golden-finned Chuprassies swam, In myriads circling round. Above, on tallest trees remote Green Ayahs perched alone, And all night long the Mussak moan'd Its melancholy tone.

Below her home the river flowed With a gentle, melodic sound, Where golden-finned Chuprassies swam, In swarms flying around. Above, on the tallest trees far away Green Ayahs sat alone. And all night long the Mussak moaned Its sad, gloomy tone.

III.

III.

And where the purple Nullahs threw Their branches far and wide,

And where the purple streams spread their branches far and wide,

And silvery Goreewallahs flew In silence, side by side, The little Bheesties' twittering cry Rose on the flagrant air, And oft the angry Jampan howled Deep in his hateful lair.

And silver Goreewallahs soared In silence, together, The little Bheesties' chirping call Rose in the hot air, And often the angry Jampan howled Deep in his dark lair.

IV.

IV.

She sate upon her Dobie, She heard the Nimmak hum, When all at once a cry arose, "The Cummerbund is come!" In vain she fled: with open jaws The angry monster followed, And so (before assistance came) That Lady Fair was swollowed.

She sat on her Dobie, She heard the Nimmak buzzing. When suddenly a cry rang out, "The Cummerbund is here!" She ran in vain: with its mouth wide open The furious monster chased her, And so (before help arrived) That Fair Lady was consumed.

V.

V.

They sought in vain for even a bone Respectfully to bury; They said, "Hers was a dreadful fate!" (And Echo answered, "Very.") They nailed her Dobie to the wall, Where last her form was seen, And underneath they wrote these words, In yellow, blue, and green:

They searched aimlessly for even a bone To honorably bury; They said, "She had a terrible fate!" (And Echo replied, "For sure.") They nailed her Dobie to the wall, Where they last saw her figure, And underneath, they wrote these words, In yellow, blue, and green:

"Beware, ye Fair! Ye Fair, beware! Nor sit out late at night, Lest horrid Cummerbunds should come, And swollow you outright."

"Watch out, you beautiful ones! You beautiful ones, watch out! Don’t stay out late at night, Or terrifying Cummerbunds might show up, And swallow you whole.

NOTE.—First published in Times of India, Bombay, July, 1874.

NOTE.—First published in Times of India, Mumbai, July, 1874.

THE AKOND OF SWAT.

Who, or why, or which, or what, Is the Akond of SWAT?
Is he tall or short, or dark or fair?
Does he sit on a stool or a sofa or chair,

Who, or why, or which, or what, Is the Akond of SWAT?
Is he tall or short, or dark or light?
Does he sit on a stool or a sofa or a chair,

or SQUAT?
The Akond of Swat?

or SQUAT?
The King of Swat?

Is he wise or foolish, young or old?
Does he drink his soup and his coffee cold,

Is he smart or silly, young or old?
Does he prefer his soup and coffee cold,

or HOT,
The Akond of Swat?

or HOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he sing or whistle, jabber or talk,
And when riding abroad does he gallop or walk,

Does he sing or whistle, chatter or talk,
And when riding out does he gallop or walk,

or TROT,
The Akond of Swat?

or TROT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he wear a turban, a fez, or a hat?
Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed, or a mat,

Does he wear a turban, a fez, or a hat?
Does he sleep on a mattress, a bed, or a mat,

or a COT,
The Akond of Swat?

or a COT,
The Akond of Swat?

When he writes a copy in round-hand size,
Does he cross his T's and finish his I's

When he writes in neat handwriting,
Does he cross his T's and dot his I's?

with a DOT,
The Akond of Swat?

with a DOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Can he write a letter concisely clear
Without a speck or a smudge or smear

Can he write a letter clearly and concisely
Without a mark or a smudge or smear

or BLOT,
The Akond of Swat?

or BLOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Do his people like him extremely well?
Or do they, whenever they can, rebel,

Do his people really like him?
Or do they rebel whenever they get the chance,

or PLOT,
At the Akond of Swat?

or PLOT,
At the King of Swat?

If he catches them then, either old or young,
Does he have them chopped in pieces or hung,

If he catches them then, whether old or young,
Does he have them chopped up or hung,

or shot,
The Akond of Swat?

or shot,
The Akond of Swat?

Do his people prig in the lanes or park?
Or even at times, when days are dark,

Do his people steal in the streets or parks?
Or even sometimes, when the days are gloomy,

GAROTTE?
O the Akond of Swat!

GAROTTE?
O the Akond of Swat!

Does he study the wants of his own dominion?
Or doesn't he care for public opinion

Does he pay attention to the needs of his own territory?
Or doesn't he care about what the public thinks?

a JOT,
The Akond of Swat?

a JOT,
The King of Swat?

To amuse his mind do his people show him
Pictures, or any one's last new poem,

To entertain himself, his people show him
pictures or someone's latest poem,

or WHAT,
For the Akond of Swat?

or WHAT,
For the King of Swat?

At night if he suddenly screams and wakes,
Do they bring him only a few small cakes,

At night, if he suddenly screams and wakes,
Do they bring him just a few small cakes,

or a LOT,
For the Akond of Swat?

or a LOT,
For the King of Swat?

Does he live on turnips, tea, or tripe?
Does he like his shawl to be marked with a stripe,

Does he survive on turnips, tea, or tripe?
Does he prefer his shawl to have a stripe,

or a DOT,
The Akond of Swat?

or a DOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he like to lie on his back in a boat
Like the lady who lived in that isle remote,

Does he enjoy lying on his back in a boat
Like the woman who lived on that distant isle,

SHALLOTT,
The Akond of Swat?

SHALLOTT,
The King of Swat?

Is he quiet, or always making a fuss?
Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a Russ,

Is he quiet, or is he always causing a scene?
Is his steward Swiss, Swedish, or Russian?

or a SCOT,
The Akond of Swat?

or a SCOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave?
Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave,

Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave?
Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave,

or a GROTT,
The Akond of Swat?

or a GROTT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he drink small beer from a silver jug?
Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a mug?

Does he drink light beer from a silver jug?
Or a bowl? Or a glass? Or a cup? Or a mug?

or a POT,
The Akond of Swat?

or a POT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he beat his wife with a gold-topped pipe,
When she lets the gooseberries grow too ripe,

Does he hit his wife with a gold-topped pipe,
When she lets the gooseberries get too ripe,

or ROT,
The Akond of Swat?

or ROT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he wear a white tie when he dines with friends,
And tie it neat in a bow with ends,

Does he wear a white tie when he eats with friends,
And tie it neatly in a bow with ends,

or a KNOT,
The Akond of Swat?

or a KNOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he like new cream, and hate mince-pies?
When he looks at the sun does he wink his eyes,

Does he like new cream and hate mince pies?
When he looks at the sun, does he squint his eyes,

or NOT,
The Akond of Swat?

or NOT,
The Akond of Swat?

Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake?
Does he sail about on an inland lake,

Does he teach his students to roast and bake?
Does he sail around on a lake inland,

in a YACHT,
The Akond of Swat?

in a YACHT,
The Akond of Swat?

Some one, or nobody, knows I wot
Who or which or why or what

Somebody, or maybe nobody, knows I know
Who or what or why or how

Is the Akond of Swat!

Is the Akond of Swat!

NOTE.—For the existence of this potentate see Indian newspapers, passim. The proper way to read the verses is to make an immense emphasis on the monosyllabic rhymes, which indeed ought to be shouted out by a chorus.

NOTE.—For information on this ruler, see Indian newspapers, passim. The best way to read the verses is to place great emphasis on the one-syllable rhymes, which should actually be shouted out by a group.

NONSENSE ALPHABETS.

No. 5 No. 6

No. 5 No. 6

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

A

A

arch

A was an Area Arch
Where washerwomen sat; They made a lot of lovely starch
To starch Papa's Cravat.

A was an Area Arch
Where laundry workers sat; They made a lot of nice starch
To starch Dad's tie.

B

B

bottle

B was a Bottle blue,
Which was not very small; Papa he filled it full of beer, And then he drank it all.

B was a blue bottle,
Which wasn't very little; Dad filled it up with beer, And then he drank everything.

C

C

cat

C was Papa's gray Cat,
Who caught a squeaky Mouse; She pulled him by his twirly tail
All about the house.

C was Dad's gray cat,
Who caught a squeaky mouse? She tugged him by his curly tail
Everywhere in the house.

D

D

duck

D was Papa's white Duck,
Who had a curly tail; One day it ate a great fat frog,
Besides a leetle snail.

D was Papa's white duck,
who had a curly tail; One day it ate a big fat frog,
with a tiny snail.

E

E

egg

E was a little Egg,
Upon the breakfast table; Papa came in and ate it up
As fast as he was able.

E was a little Egg,
At the breakfast table; Dad came in and ate it up
As fast as he could.

F

F

fish

F was a little Fish.
Cook in the river took it Papa said, "Cook! Cook! bring a dish!
And, Cook! be quick and cook it!"

F was a small fish.
A chef caught it in the river. Dad said, "Chef! Chef! prepare a meal!
"Hey, Chef! Hurry up and make it!"

G

G

gun

G was Papa's new Gun;
He put it in a box; And then he went and bought a bun,
And walked about the Docks.

G was Dad's new gun;
He put it in a box; And then he went and bought a bun,
And walked around the docks.

H

H

hat

H was Papa's new Hat;
He wore it on his head; Outside it was completely black,
But inside it was red.

H was Dad's new Hat;
He wore it on his head; Outside it was totally black,
But inside, it was red.

I

I

arch

I was an Inkstand new,
Papa he likes to use it; He keeps it in his pocket now,
For fear that he should lose it.

I was a brand new inkstand,
Dad enjoys using it; He carries it in his pocket now,
Out of fear he might lose it.

J

J

jam

J was some Apple Jam,
Of which Papa ate part; But all the rest he took away
And stuffed into a tart.

J was some Apple Jam,
That Dad had some; But all the rest he took away
And packed into a tart.

K

K

arch

K was a great new Kite;
Papa he saw it fly Above a thousand chimney pots,
And all about the sky.

K was a fantastic new kite;
Dad saw it flying. Above a thousand chimneys,
And all around the sky.

L

L

lamp

L was a fine new Lamp;
But when the wick was lit, Papa he said, "This Light ain't good!
I cannot read a bit!"

L was a nice new lamp;
But when the wick was ignited, Dad said, "This light isn't good!
"I can't read anything!"

M

M

mince

M was a dish of mince;
It looked so good to eat! Papa, he quickly ate it up,
And said, "This is a treat!"

M was a plate of ground meat;
It looked so tasty to eat! Dad quickly finished it,
And said, "This is amazing!"

N

N

nut

N was a Nut that grew
High up upon a tree; Papa, who could not reach it, said,
"That's much too high for me!"

N was a Nut that grew
In a tall tree; Dad, who couldn't reach it, said,
"That's way too high for me!"

O

O

owl

O was an Owl who flew
All in the dark away, Papa said, "What an owl you are!
Why don't you fly by day?"

O was an Owl who flew
All in the dark. Papa said, "What an owl you are!
"Why don't you fly during the day?"

P

P

pig

P was a little Pig,
Went out to take a walk; Papa he said, "If Piggy dead,
He'd all turn into Pork!"

P was a little pig,
Went for a walk; Papa said, "If Piggy is dead,
He'll become pork!"

Q

Q

quince

Q was a Quince that hung
Upon a garden tree; Papa he brought it with him home,
And ate it with his tea.

Q was a quince that hung
On a garden tree; Dad brought it home with him,
And had it with his tea.

R

R

rug

R was a Railway Rug
Extremely large and warm; Papa he wrapped it round his head,
In a most dreadful storm.

R was a Railway Rug
Super big and comfy; Dad wrapped it around his head,
In a really bad storm.

S

S

stick

S was Papa's new Stick,
Papa's new thumping Stick, To thump extremely wicked boys,
Because it was so thick.

S was Dad's new stick,
Dad's new drumstick, To hit really naughty boys,
Because it was so dense.

T

T

tumbler

T was a tumbler full
Of Punch all hot and good; Papa he drank it up, when in
The middle of a wood.

T was a tumbler full
Hot and delicious punch; Dad drank it all up, while
In the heart of the forest.

U

U

urn

U was a silver urn,
Full of hot scalding water; Papa said, "If that Urn were mine,
I'd give it to my daughter!"

U was a silver urn,
Full of boiling water; Dad said, "If that urn were mine,
"I would give it to my daughter!"

V

V

villain

V was a Villain; once
He stole a piece of beef. Papa he said, "Oh, dreadful man!
That Villain is a Thief!"

V was a Villain; once
He took a piece of beef without permission. Papa he said, "Oh, terrible man!
"That villain is a thief!"

W

W

watch

W was a Watch of Gold:
It told the time of day, So that Papa knew when to come,
And when to go away.

W was a golden watch:
It showed the current time, So that Dad knew when to arrive,
And when to go.

X

X

xerxes

X was King Xerxes, whom
Papa much wished to know; But this he could not do, because
Xerxes died long ago.

X was King Xerxes, whom
Dad really wanted to meet. But that wasn’t possible, because
Xerxes passed away a long time ago.

Y

Y

youth

Y was a Youth, who kicked
And screamed and cried like mad; Papa he said, "Your conduct is
Abominably bad!"

Y was a young person, who kicked
And screamed and cried like there was no tomorrow; Dad said, "Your behavior is
Absolutely awful!

Z

Z

zebra

Z was a Zebra striped
And streaked with lines of black; Papa said once, he thought he'd like
A ride upon his back.

Z was a zebra-striped
And marked with black lines; Dad once said he thought he'd enjoy
A piggyback ride.

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Atumbled down, and hurt his Arm, against a bit of wood,

tumbled down and hurt his arm against a piece of wood,

Bsaid. "My Boy, oh, do not cry; it cannot do you good!"

Bsaid. "My boy, please don’t cry; it won’t help you!"

Csaid, "A Cup of Coffee hot can't do you any harm."

Csaid, "A hot cup of coffee won't hurt you at all."

Dsaid, "A Doctor should be fetched, and he would cure the arm."

Dsaid, "We should call a doctor, and he can fix the arm."

Esaid, "An Egg beat up with milk would quickly make him well."

Esaid, "Mixing an egg with milk would help him get better quickly."

Fsaid, "A Fish, if broiled, might cure, if only by the smell."

Fsaid, "A fish, when grilled, might help, even if just by the aroma."

Gsaid, "Green Gooseberry fool, the best of cures I hold."

Gsaid, "Green Gooseberry fool, the best remedy I know."

Hsaid, "His Hat should be kept on, to keep him from the cold."

Hsaid, "He should keep his hat on to stay warm."

Isaid, "Some Ice upon his head will make him better soon."

Isaid, "Putting some ice on his head will help him feel better soon."

Jsaid, "Some Jam, if spread on bread, or given in a spoon!"

Jsaid, "Some jam, if spread on bread or served in a spoon!"

Ksaid, "A Kangaroo is here,—this picture let him see."

Ksaid, "A kangaroo is here—let him see this picture."

Lsaid, "A Lamp pray keep alight, to make some barley tea."

Lsaid, "Please keep a lamp on to make some barley tea."

Msaid, "A Mulberry or two might give him satisfaction."

M said, "A couple of mulberries might make him happy."

Nsaid, "Some Nuts, if rolled about, might be a slight attraction."

Nsaid, "Some nuts, if tossed around, might be somewhat interesting."

Osaid, "An Owl might make him laugh, if only it would wink."

Osaid, "An owl could make him laugh, if only it would wink."

P P said, "Some Poetry might be read aloud, to make him think."

P P said, "Some poetry could be read out loud to get him thinking."

Qsaid, "A Quince I recommend,—a Quince, or else a Quail."

Qsaid, "I recommend a quince—or a quail."

Rsaid, "Some Rats might make him move, if fastened by their tail."

R said, "Some rats might get him to move if they're tied by their tails."

Ssaid, "A Song should now be sung, in hopes to make him laugh!"

Ssaid, "Let's sing a song now, hoping to make him laugh!"

Tsaid, "A Turnip might avail, if sliced or cut in half!"

Tsaid, "A turnip could work, if it's sliced or cut in half!"

Usaid, "An Urn, with water hot, place underneath his chin!"

Usaid, "Put a hot urn of water under his chin!"

Vsaid, "I'll stand upon a chair, and play a Violin!"

V said, "I'll stand on a chair and play the violin!"

Wsaid, "Some Whisky-Whizzgigs fetch, some marbles and a ball!"

Wsaid, "Some whisky-whizzgigs are worth it, along with some marbles and a ball!"

Xsaid, "Some double XX ale would be the best of all!"

Xsaid, "A glass of double XX ale would be the best thing ever!"

Ysaid, "Some Yeast mixed up with salt would make a perfect plaster!"

Ysaid, "A bit of yeast mixed with salt would make a great plaster!"

Zsaid, "Here is a box of Zinc! Get in, my little master!
We'll shut you up! We'll nail you down! We will, my little master! We think we've all heard quite enough of this your sad disaster!"

Zsaid, "Here’s a box of Zinc! Get in, my little master!
We’ll trap you! We’ll secure you! We will, my little master! "I think we've all heard enough of your unfortunate situation!"
 

Index

First Lines Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories

First Lines Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories

An Index of First Lines

Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories Table of Contents

Nonsense Alphabets Nonsense Botanies Nonsense Songs and Stories Table of Contents




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