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THE
L a d i e s D e l i g h tLadies Delight.
CONTAINING,
I. An Address to all well provided Hibernians;
I. An Address to all well provided Hibs;
II. The Arbor Vitæ; or, Tree of Life. A Poem. Shewing whence it took it's Root, and has spread its Leaves over all Christendom; being extremely useful to Students in all Branches of polite Literature.
II. The Tree of Life; or, Tree of Life. A Poem. Showing where it got its Root and how it has spread its Leaves across all of Christendom; being very useful to Students in all Branches of fine Literature.
III. The Natural History of the Arbor Vitæ; or, The Tree of Life, in Prose; printed from the Original Manuscript.
III. The Natural History of the Tree of Life; or, The Tree of Life, in Prose; printed from the Original Manuscript.
IV. Ridotto al' Fresco. A Poem. Describing the Growth of this Tree in the famous Spring Gardens at Vaux-Hall, under the Care of that ingenious Botanist Doctor H——gg——r.
IV. Game room al' Fresco paint. A Poem. Describing the Growth of this Tree in the famous Spring Gardens at Vaux-Hall, under the Care of that talented Botanist Doctor Hugger.
RES est severa Voluptas.
Printed for W. James in the Strand, 1732
[Price Six-pence.]
AN
A D D R E S S
TO ALL
Well provided HiberniansHibs.
Gentlemen,
Guys,
S Nature hath been so very Indulgent to ye, as to stock your Gardens with Trees of the largest Growth, for which Reason ye are caress'd, whilst Men of less Parts, tho' in some Things more deserving, are laugh'd at, and excluded all Company.
Nature has been so very indulgent to you, by filling your gardens with trees of the largest growth, which is why you are treated well, while men of less ability, even if they are more deserving in some ways, are mocked and left out of all company.
As all Infants, especially of the Female Sex, are much delighted with Fruit, so as their Years and other Appetites increase, no Wonder if that increases too. Both Men and Beasts have some-thing or another, for which they are esteem'd; so ye being in a particular manner Happy in this Talent, may securely laugh, while ye daily grow in the Ladies Favour, and spread your Branches over all the Kingdom: Many a hopeful Stick of Wood has been produc'd by this glorious Tree, who after they had piss'd their Estates against the Wall (as the good Housewives term it) have by the Strength of true Hibernian Prowess rais'd themselves to the Favour of some fair Virtuoso, and being by her plac'd in a HOT-BED, have been restor'd to their pristine Strength, and flourish'd again; and like true Heroes, not envying the busy World, have been content to spend the remainder of their Days in an obscure Nook of the World.
As all infants, especially girls, really enjoy fruit, it’s no surprise that as they grow older and their appetites change, their love for it increases too. Both men and animals have something they’re valued for, so you, being particularly fortunate in this talent, can confidently laugh as you win the ladies' favor daily and spread your branches all across the kingdom. Many promising young men have emerged from this glorious tree who, after squandering their fortunes (as good housewives put it), have, through true Irish talent, raised themselves into the favor of some lovely virtuoso. Placed in a hotbed by her, they’ve regained their original vitality and thrived once more; and like true heroes, not envying the busy world, they’ve chosen to spend the rest of their days in a quiet corner of it.
Thus, Gentlemen, and as all Poets chuse the most Worthy to patronize their Works, I humbly offer ye the following Poem, and that you may still continue as ye now are; that your Trees may ever flourish, your Green-houses be secure, nor your young Plants be ever nipt in the Bud, and that you may ever stand against all Cracks, Storms, Tempests, and Eruptions,
So, gentlemen, just like all poets choose the most deserving to support their work, I humbly present to you the following poem. I hope you continue to stay as you are; may your trees always thrive, your greenhouses be safe, your young plants never be harmed in the bud, and may you always withstand all cracks, storms, tempests, and eruptions.
BOTANICUS.
BOTANICAL.
THE
Natural H I S T O R Y
OF THE
T r e eTree of L I F E.
THE Tree of which I fain would sing,
THE Tree of which I would love to sing,
If the kind Muse her Aid would bring,
If the kind Muse would lend her help,
Is Arbor Vitæ; but in brief,
Is Arbor Vitæ; but briefly,
By vulgar Men call'd—Tree of Life.
By common people referred to as—Tree of Life.
First for Description then, 'tis such
First for Description then, it is such
As needs must captivate you much.
As needs must capture you a lot.
In Stem most streight, of lovely Size,
In stem most straight, of lovely size,
With Head elate this Plant doth rise;
This plant grows with excitement.
First bare—when it doth further shoot,
First bare—when it does further shoot,
A Tuft of Moss keeps warm the Root:
A Tuft of Moss keeps the Root warm:
No Lapland Muff has such a Fur,
No Lapland Muff has this Fur,
No Skin so soft has any Cur;
No skin is so soft that it has any flaws.
This touch'd, alone the Heart can move,
This touched, only the heart can be moved,
Which Ladies more than Lap-dogs love;
Which ladies love more than lap dogs;
From this erect springs up the Stalk,
From this upright position, the Stalk rises up,
No Power can stop, or ought can baulk;
No power can stop, or should obstruct;
On Top an Apex crowns the Tree,
On top, an Apex crowns the tree,
As all Mankind may plainly see;
As everyone can see;
So shines a Filbeard, when the Shell,
So shines a Filbeard when the Shell,
Half gone, displays the ruby Peel
Half gone, shows the ruby Peel
Or like a Cherry bright and gay,
Or like a cherry, bright and cheerful,
Just red'ning in the Month of May.
Just reddening in the month of May.
As other Trees bear Fruit at Top,
As other trees bear fruit at the top,
And they who rob 'em must climb up;
And those who steal from them must climb up;
This still more rare doth upward shoot,
This is even rarer to rise upward,
But at the Bottom bears its Fruit,
But at the bottom, it bears its fruit,
And they who'd reap its Virtues strong,
And those who want to gain its strong benefits,
Need but to lay 'em all along,
Need just to lay them all out,
Ope' wide, their Mouths, and they'll receive
Open wide, their mouths, and they'll receive
The Fruit of Life, and eat, and live:
The Fruit of Life, eat it, and thrive:
Not the fair Tree that India bears,
Not the fair Tree that India grows,
All over Spice both Head and Ears,
All over Spice, both Head and Ears,
Can boast more Gifts than the Great Pow'rs
Can boast more gifts than the great powers.
Have granted to this Tree of ours:
Have granted to this Tree of ours:
That in good Ale its Power boasts,
That good ale boasts of its power,
And ours has Nutmeg's fit for Toasts
And ours has Nutmeg's fit for Toasts
And Bags by Nature planted grow,
And Bags by Nature planted grow,
To keep 'em from all Winds that blow.
To protect them from all the winds that blow.
The Rise is slow, and by Degrees,
The rise is slow and gradual,
Both Fruits and Tree itself increase
Both Fruits and the Tree itself grow.
So slow, that ten Years scarce produce
So slow that even ten years hardly make a difference
Six Inches good and fit for Use;
Six Inches is good and ready for use;
But fifteen ripen well the Fruit,
But fifteen ripen the fruit well,
And add a viscous Balm into't;
And add a thick balm to it;
Then rub'd, drops Tears as if 'twas greiv'd,
Then rubbed, it drops tears as if it were grieving,
Which by a neighbouring Shrub's receiv'd;
Which is received by a nearby shrub;
As Men set Tubs to catch the Rain,
As people set up tubs to catch the rain,
So does this Shrub its Juice retain,
So does this shrub retain its juice?
Which 'cause it wears a colour'd Robe,
Which is why it wears a colorful robe,
Is justly call'd the flow'ring Shrub.
Is rightly called the flowering shrub.
In every Nation springs this Tree,
In every nation grows this tree,
In some confin'd; in others more free;
In some places confined; in others more free;
In England, 'tis of mod'rate Size,
In England, it's of moderate size,
And oft' does nine full inches rise:
And often does nine full inches rise:
But Ireland, tho' in Soil most poor,
But Ireland, though in soil that's very poor,
Exceeds all Lands in this fame Store;
Exceeds all lands in this renowned store;
And sent o'er hither, it is such
And sent over here, it is such
As does exceed our own by much,
As does exceed our own by much,
And gets the Owner many a Farthing,
And brings the Owner a lot of change,
For Ladies love it in their Garden.
For women love it in their garden.
That it's a Tree right sensitive,
That it's a Tree really sensitive,
Denies no honest Man alive:
Denies no honest person alive:
Tho' as one shrinks and will not stand,
Tho' as one shrinks and will not stand,
This rises at a Lady's Hand,
This rises at a Lady's Hand,
And grows more strong the more 'tis strok'd,
And it grows stronger the more it's touched,
As others fall when they are pok'd.
As others fall when they are poked.
When nipping Cold bites off our Nose,
When cold nips at our nose,
And hoary Frosts the Morn disclose,
And gray frosts reveal the morning,
In Hot-beds only then 'twill live,
In Hot-beds only then it will live,
And only when-well warm'd will thrive;
And only when well-warmed will thrive;
But when warm Summer does appear,
But when warm summer shows up,
'Twill stand all brunts in open Air;
'It will stand all impacts in open air;
Tho' oft they're overcome with Heat,
Tho' often they're overcome with Heat,
And sink with Nurture too replete;
And sink with nurturing that’s just right;
Then Birchen Twigs, if right apply'd
Then Birchen Twigs, if applied correctly
To Back, Fore-part, or either Side——
To the back, front, or either side——
Support a while, and keep it up,
Support for a while, and keep it going,
Tho' soon again the Plant will droop.
Tho' soon again the plant will droop.
Motteux had one very untow'rd,
Motteux had one very inappropriate,
And thought to mend it with a Cord,
And thought to fix it with a cord,
But kill'd the Tree, yet gain'd his End,
But killed the Tree, yet achieved his Goal,
Which makes th' Experiment condemn'd.
Which makes the experiment doomed.
Others have thought to mend the Root,
Others have tried to fix the Root,
By taking from the Tree its Fruit;
By taking the Fruit from the Tree;
But in the Nutmegs lies the Breed,
But in the Nutmegs lies the Breed,
And when they're gone we lose the Seed;
And when they're gone, we lose the Seed;
Tho' Virtuosi still have don't,
Though virtuosos still don't,
And always found it yield Accompt;
And always found it to be accountable;
For Hey——gg——r then buys the Wood,
For Hey——gg——r then purchases the Wood,
And of it makes us Whistles good,
And of it makes us whistle well,
Which yearly from Italia sent,
Which yearly from Italy sent,
Here answers his and our Intent.
Here answers his and our intention.
Others too curious will innoc
Others too curious will innocent
Ulate their Plants on Medlars Stock,
Graft their plants on medlar stock,
(i.e. as Tongues in Vulgar pass,
(as Tongues in Common use,
They graft it on an Open-arse;)
They graft it on an Open-arse; )
But Gardeners, Virtuosi, all,
But Gardeners, Experts, all,
Say this is most unnatural.
Say this is very unnatural.
That Soil is certainly the best,
That soil is definitely the best,
Whence first it sprang, and first increast,
Whence it first sprang and first increased,
In Vallies hollow, soft, and warm,
In Vallies hollow, soft, and warm,
With Hills to ward off every Storm,
With hills to shield against every storm,
Where Water salt runs trickling down,
Where salty water flows down,
And Tendrils lie o'er all the Ground,
And Tendrils lie over all the ground,
Such as the Tree itself shoots forth,
Such as the Tree itself grows,
And better if't be tow'rds the North;
And it’s even better if it’s towards the North;
When such a Piece of Ground you see,
When you come across a piece of land like this,
If in the midst a Pit there be,
If there is a Pit in the middle,
There plant it deep unto the Root,
There plant it deep into the Root,
And never fear——you'll soon have Fruit.
And don't worry——you'll soon have Fruit.
Tho' let young Botanists beware
But let young Botanists beware
Of Insects that oft' harbour there,
Of insects that often hang around there,
Which 'mongst the tender Fibres breed,
Which among the tender Fibres breed,
And if not kill'd, eat up the Seed:
And if not killed, eat up the Seed:
Good Humphrey Bowen gives another,
Good Humphrey Bowen provides another,
(As each Man should assist his Brother)
(As each person should help their fellow)
That is, to take especial Care
That is, to take special care
Not to set Vulvaria near;
Don't place Vulvaria nearby;
Of them two Sorts are frequent found,
Of those, two types are commonly found,
One helps, and to'ther spoils the Ground;
One helps, and the other ruins the ground;
And many a Plant thriving and tall,
And many plants thriving and tall,
Destroy'd by them, has got a Fall.
Destroy'd by them, has got a fall.
But Misan's taken this just napping,
But Misan's just taking a nap,
And against all Things that can happen
And against all things that can happen
Both to the Shrub and Tree, has told some
Both the Shrub and the Tree have shared some
How to make the deadliest Wholesome;
How to make the deadliest Wholesome;
These venomous Vulvaria grow
These venomous Vulvaria thrive
At Vaux-Hall and St. James's too;
At Vauxhall and St. James's too;
Nay, and about the Tree so leap,
Nay, and around the Tree so leap,
That very few good Plants can 'scape.
That very few good plants can escape.
The Names and Virtues
Old Mother D'Acier, in her Notes
Old Mother D'Acier, in her Notes
On Homer, some hard Greek Word quotes,
On Homer, some tough Greek Word quotes,
Calls it Nep, nep,—I know not what,
Calls it Nep, nep—I don’t know what,
And says it is the very Plant that
And says it's the exact Plant that
The tawny Queen to Helen sent,
The tan Queen sent to Helen,
To cure her Griefs at all Event.
To solve her problems no matter what.
Great Milton's Murd'rer says it is
Great Milton's Murd'rer says it's
The fam'd Machæra Herculis,
The famous Machæra Herculis,
And proves from some old Grecian Poet,
And proves from some ancient Greek poet,
So plain that all Men sure must know it,
So obvious that everyone must know it,
That of this Tree the Club was made,
That this Tree was used to make the Club,
With which he overcame ('tis said)
With which he overcame (so it's said)
Thespius' Daughters, all grown wild,
Thespius' Daughters, all grown up,
And fifty Mad-Women made mild;
And fifty Mad-Women made calm;
Which very Club—(it makes one Laugh)
Which very Club—(it makes one laugh)
Omphale turn'd into a Distaff.
Omphale turned into a distaff.
Nay, the Hesperian Tree was this,
No, the Hesperian Tree was this,
As shew the Poma Veneris;
As shown in the Poma Veneris;
These Apples doubtless were the Fruit
These apples were definitely the fruit
That 'twixt the Queens rais'd such Dispute,
That between the Queens raised such a dispute,
To make 'em all stark-naked stand,
To make them all stark-naked stand,
While Paris held it in his Hand,
While Paris held it in his hand,
And chuck'd it into Venus' Mouth,
And tossed it into Venus' Mouth,
'Cause she with Beauty fir'd the Youth.
'Cause she inspired the Youth with her Beauty.
The Virtues are of such great Note,
The Virtues are well-respected,
That twenty Volumes might be wrote;
That twenty volumes could be written;
The Juice alone Green-Sickness cures,
The Juice alone cures Green-Sickness,
And purges thro' all corporal Pores;
And cleanses through all body pores;
If any Maid be sick, or faint
If any maid is sick or feeling weak
Of Love, or Father's close Constraint,
Of Love, or Dad's tight control,
One Spoonfull of this Cordial Balm
One spoonful of this cordial balm
Soon stops each Grief, and every Qualm;
Soon all grief and every discomfort come to an end;
'Tis true, they sometimes Tumours cause,
'Tis true, they sometimes cause tumors,
And in the Belly make strange Flaws,
And in the belly create unusual flaws,
But a few Moons will make 'em sound,
But a few moons will make them sound,
And safely fetch the Swelling down.
And safely bring the swelling down.
Not Saffron chears the Heart like this,
Not saffron cheers the heart like this,
Nor can Champaign give such a Bliss:
Nor can Champagne provide such happiness:
When Wife and Husband do fall out,
When a wife and husband argue,
And both remain in sullen pout,
And both stay in a sulky mood,
This brings them to themselves again,
This brings them back to themselves again,
And fast unites the broken Chain;
And quickly connects the broken chain;
Makes Feuds and Discords straightway cease
Makes feuds and disputes stop right away.
And gives at least a Night of Peace.
And offers at least a Night of Peace.
This Rarity may now be seen
This rarity can now be seen
In Lambeth, at a Garden Green,
In Lambeth, at a Garden Green,
Bowen his Name, who in high Tone,
Bowen is his name, who speaks in a loud voice,
Calls it the Tree of Silver Spoon,
Calls it the Tree of Silver Spoon,
Which all the Maids of curious Eyes
Which all the maids with curious eyes
May there behold of largest Size.
May there be seen of largest Size.
THE
Natural H I S T O R Y
OF THE
T r e eTree of L I F E.
The DESCRIPTION and PLACE.
HE Tree of Life is a succulent Plant, consisting of one only strait stem, on the top of which is a Pistillum or Apex, at some times Glandiform and resembling a May-Cherry, tho' at others, more like the Nut of the Avellana or Filbeard-Tree.
HE Tree of Life is a succulent plant with a single straight stem, topped with a pistil or apex. Sometimes it looks like a May cherry, but at other times, it resembles the nut of the hazelnut or filbert tree.
Its fruits, contrary to most others, grow near the Root; they are usually no more than two in number, their bigness somewhat exceeding that of an ordinary Nutmeg both contained in one strong Siliqua, or purse; which, together with the whole root of the plant, is commonly thick set with numerous Fibrilla or capillary Tendrils.
Its fruits, unlike most others, grow close to the root; there are usually only two of them, and they are slightly larger than an ordinary Nutmeg, both contained in a strong Siliqua or pouch. This, along with the whole root of the plant, is typically densely packed with many Fibrilla or capillary Tendrils.
The tree is of slow growth, and requires time to bring it to perfection, rarely seeding to any purpose before the fifteenth year; when the fruits coming to good maturity, yield a viscous Juice or balmy succus, which being from time to time discharged at the Pistillum is mostly bestow'd upon the open Calyx's of the Frutex Vulvaria or flow'ring Shrub usually spreading under the shade of this tree, and whose parts are by a wonderful mechanism adapted to receive it. The ingenious Mr. Richard Bradley is of opinion, the Frutex is hereby impregnated, and then first begins to bear; he therefore accounts this Succus the Farina foecundans of the plant: and the learned Leonhard Fucksius, in his Historia Stirpium insigniorum, observes the greatest sympathy between this tree and shrub, They are, says he, of the same genus, and do best in the same bed, the Vulvaria itself being indeed no other than a female Arbor Vitæ.
The tree grows slowly and takes time to reach its full potential, rarely producing seeds worth anything before the fifteenth year. When the fruits mature well, they release a thick, sweet juice, or balmy succus, which is often collected at the Pistillum and mostly given to the open Calyx's of the Frutex Vulvaria or flowering shrub that usually grows under the shade of this tree, and whose parts are perfectly designed to catch it. The clever Mr. Richard Bradley believes that this Frutex is impregnated by it, and that’s when it starts to bear fruit. He therefore considers this Succus to be the Farina foecundans of the plant. The learned Leonhard Fucksius, in his Historia Stirpium insigniorum, notes the strong connection between this tree and shrub, saying, They are, of the same genus, and do best in the same bed, the Vulvaria itself being indeed no other than a female Arbor Vitæ.
It is produced in most Countries, tho' it thrives more in some than others, where it also increases to a larger size. The height here in England rarely passes nine, or at the most, eleven inches, and that chiefly in Kent, whereas in Ireland, it comes to far greater dimensions, is so good, that many of the natives entirely subsist upon it, and when transplanted, have been sometimes known to raise good houses with single plants of this sort.
It is produced in most countries, although it grows better in some than in others, where it also reaches a larger size. The height here in England rarely exceeds nine, or at most eleven inches, mainly in Kent, while in Ireland, it grows to much greater dimensions, and is of such quality that many locals rely on it entirely for their sustenance. When transplanted, it has even been known to yield good houses from single plants of this type.
As the Irish soil is accounted the best, others are as remarkably bad for its cultivation; and the least and worst in the world are said to be about Harborough and the Forest of Sherard.
As the Irish soil is considered the best, others are noted to be remarkably poor for farming; and the least and worst in the world are said to be around Harborough and the Forest of Sherard.
The stem seems to be of the sensitive tribe, tho' herein differing from the more common Sensitives; that whereas they are known to shrink and retire from even the gentlest touch of a Lady's hand, this rises on the contrary, and extends itself when it is so handled.
The stem appears to belong to the sensitive group, but it differs here from the more typical Sensitives; while they tend to shrink back and pull away from even the lightest touch of a lady's hand, this one, on the other hand, responds by rising and extending itself when it is touched.
In winter it is not easy to raise these trees without a hot bed; but in warmer weather they stand well in the open air.
In winter, it's tough to grow these trees without a heated bed, but in warmer weather, they do fine outside.
In the latter season they are subject to become weak and flaccid, and want support; for which purpose some gardeners have thought of splintering them up with birchen Twigs, which has seem'd of some service for the present, tho' the plants have very soon come to the same or a more drooping state than before.
In the later season, they tend to become weak and limp and need support. To address this, some gardeners have tried using birch twigs to prop them up, which seems to help for a little while, but the plants quickly return to the same droopy condition or become even worse than before.
The late ingenious Mr. Motteux thought of restoring a fine plant he had in this condition, by tying it up with a Tomex or cord made of the bark of the Vitex, or Hempen-Tree: but whether he made the ligature too straight, or that the nature of the Vitex is really in itself pernicious, he quite kill'd his plant thereby; which makes this universally condemn'd, as a dangerous experiment.
The late brilliant Mr. Motteux tried to save a beautiful plant he had in this state by tying it up with a Tomex or a cord made from the bark of the Vitex, or Hempen-Tree: but whether he tied it too tightly, or if the nature of the Vitex is actually harmful, he ended up completely killing his plant; which is why this method is generally considered a risky experiment.
Some Virtuosi have thought of improving their trees for some purposes, by taking off the Nutmegs, which is however a bad way; they never seed after, and are good for little more than making whistles of, which are imported every year from Italy, and sell indeed at a good price.
Some Virtuosi have considered enhancing their trees for certain purposes by removing the Nutmegs, but that's not a good method; they never seed afterward and are only really useful for making whistles, which are imported every year from Italy and actually sell for a decent price.
Some other curious Gentlemen have endeavour'd to inoculate their plants on the stock of the Medlar and that with a manure of human Ordure, but this has never been approv'd; and I have known some tree brought to a very ill end by such management.
Some other curious gentlemen have tried to graft their plants onto the wood of the medlar and used human waste as fertilizer, but this has never been approved; and I have seen some trees come to a very bad end because of such practices.
The natural soil is certainly the best for their propagation; and that is in hollow places, that are warm and near salt water, best known by their producing the same sort of Tendrils as are observ'd about the roots of the Arbor itself. Some cautions however are very necessary, especially to young Botanists; and first, to be very diligent in keeping their trees clean and neat; a pernicious sort of insect, not, unlike a Morpione or Cimex, being very subject to breed amongst the Fibrillæ, which, if not taken heed of, and timely destroy'd, proves often of very dangerous consequence.
The natural soil is definitely the best for growing them, especially in warm, low areas near saltwater, as indicated by the same type of Tendrils found around the roots of the Arbor itself. Some precautions are very important, especially for young Botanists; first, they should be careful to keep their trees clean and tidy. There's a harmful type of insect, somewhat similar to a Morpione or Cimex, that tends to breed among the Fibrillæ, which, if not addressed and dealt with promptly, can often lead to very serious problems.
Another caution, no less useful, we have from that excellent and judicious Botanist Mr. Humphrey Bowen, to beware of a poisonous species of Vulvaria, too often mistaken for the wholesome one, and which, if suffer'd too near our trees, will very greatly endanger their well-being. He tells us, in the 12th volume of his large abridgment of la Quintinye, that before he had acquir'd his judgment and experience, some of his plants have often been sufferers through this mistake; and he has seen a tall thriving tree, by the contact: only of this venomous shrub, become porrose, scabiose, and cover'd with fungous Excrescences not unlike the fruits of the Ficus sylvestris in which case the succus also has lost both its colour and vertue; and the tree itself has so much partaken of the nature of the venomous shrub that had hurt it, that itself has become venomous, and spread the poison through a whole Plantation.
Another important warning comes from the knowledgeable botanist Mr. Humphrey Bowen, who cautions us to be aware of a poisonous variety of Vulvaria, which is often confused with the safe one, and which, if allowed too close to our trees, can seriously threaten their health. In the 12th volume of his comprehensive summary of la Quintinye, he mentions that before gaining his insight and experience, some of his plants suffered from this confusion; he’s observed a tall, healthy tree that, through mere contact with this toxic shrub, became porrose, scabiose, and covered with fungous Excrescences resembling the fruits of the Ficus sylvestris. In this situation, the succus also lost both its color and effectiveness; and the tree itself absorbed the characteristics of the poisonous shrub that affected it, turning venomous and spreading the poison throughout the entire plantation.
These distempers of a tree of the greatest use and value, have employ'd the labours of the most eminent Botanists and Gardeners, to seek out remedies for them: In which, however, none have succeeded like the celebrated Dr. Misaubin who from his profound knowledge in Botany has composed a most elaborate work upon all the things that can happen, both to the Arbor Vitæ and Vulvaria also: There he has taught a certain cure for all these evils; and, what is most wonderful, has even found out a way of making the most venomous Vulvaria itself wholesome, which he practises daily, to the satisfaction of all that apply to him.
These problems affecting a tree of great importance and value have engaged the efforts of the most renowned botanists and gardeners to find cures for them. However, none have been as successful as the famous Dr. Misaubin, who, with his deep understanding of botany, has created a detailed work on all the issues that can arise, both for the Arbor Vitæ and Vulvaria: In this work, he has taught a specific cure for all these issues; and, most remarkably, he has even discovered a method for making the most poisonous Vulvaria safe to use, which he practices daily to the satisfaction of everyone who consults him.
These venomous Vulvaria are but too common in most gardens about London; there are many in St. James's Park, and more in the celebrated gardens at Vaux-hall over the water.
These venomous Vulvaria are all too common in most gardens around London; there are many in St. James's Park, and even more in the famous gardens at Vaux-hall across the water.
The NAMES and VIRTUES.
Besides the common name of Arbor Vitæ, a very learned Philosopher and great Divine would have it call'd, Arbor Scientiæ boni & mali; believing, upon very good grounds, this is the tree which grew in the middle of the garden of Eden, and whose fruits were so alluring to our first mother. Others would have it call'd the Mandrake of Leah, persuaded it is the same whose juice made the before barren Rachel a joyful mother of children.
Besides the common name of Arbor Vitæ, a very knowledgeable philosopher and great theologian believed it should be called Arbor Scientiæ boni & mali; convinced, based on solid reasoning, that this is the tree that grew in the middle of the garden of Eden, and whose fruit was so tempting to our first mother. Others think it should be called the Mandrake of Leah, convinced it is the same one whose juice made the previously barren Rachel a joyful mother of children.
The learned Madame D'Acier in her notes upon Homer contends it should be called Nepenthes. She gives many reasons why it certainly is that very plant, whose fruits the Egyptian queen recommended to Helen, as a certain cure for pain and grief of all sorts, and which She ever after kept by her as her most precious jewel, and made use of as a Panacæa upon all occasions.
The knowledgeable Madame D'Acier in her notes on Homer argues that it should be called Nepenthes. She offers many reasons why it is indeed that very plant, whose fruits the Egyptian queen suggested to Helen as a guaranteed remedy for all kinds of pain and sorrow, and which she always kept as her most valuable treasure, using it as a Panacæa whenever needed.
The great Dr. Bentley calls it more than once Machæra Herculis, having proved out of the fragments of a Greek Poet, that of this tree was made that club with which the hero is said to have overcome the fifty wild daughters of Thespius, but which Queen Omphale afterwards reduced to a distaff. Others have thought the celebrated Hesperian trees were of this sort; and the very name of Poma Veneris, frequently given by Authors to the fruits of this tree, is a sufficient proof these were really the Apples for which three Goddesses contended in so warm a manner, and to which the Queen of beauty had undoubtedly the strongest title.
The great Dr. Bentley refers to it more than once as Machæra Herculis, having demonstrated from the fragments of a Greek poet that this tree was used to make the club with which the hero is said to have defeated the fifty wild daughters of Thespius, but which Queen Omphale later turned into a distaff. Others have believed that the famous Hesperian trees were of this kind; and the very name Poma Veneris, often given by authors to the fruits of this tree, is clear evidence that these were indeed the Apples for which three goddesses fought so fiercely, and to which the Queen of Beauty certainly had the strongest claim.
The vertues are so many, a large volume might be wrote of them. The juice taken inwardly cures the green-sickness and other infirmities of the like sort, and is a true specific in most disorders of the fair sex. It indeed often causes tumours in the umbilical region; but even those being really of no ill consequence, disperse of themselves in a few Months.
The benefits are so numerous that you could write a whole book about them. The juice taken internally cures anemia and other similar ailments, and it’s a true remedy for most issues affecting women. It can sometimes cause swelling in the abdominal area, but even those are usually harmless and clear up on their own within a few months.
It chears the heart, and exhilarates the mind, quiets jars, feuds and discontents, making the most churlish tempers surprizingly kind and loving. Nor have private persons only been the better for this reconciling vertue, but whole states and kingdoms, nay, the greatest empires in the world have often received the benefit of it; the most destructive wars have been ended, and the most friendly treaties been produced, by a right application of this universal medicine among the chief of the contending parties.
It cheers the heart, lifts the spirit, calms conflicts, feuds, and dissatisfaction, turning even the most unpleasant personalities surprisingly kind and loving. Not only have individual people benefited from this reconciling virtue, but entire states and kingdoms, even the largest empires in the world, have often gained from it; the most devastating wars have ended, and the most amicable treaties have emerged, thanks to a proper use of this universal remedy among the main opposing parties.
If any person is desirous to see this excellent and wonderful plant in good perfection, he may meet with it at the aforementioned Mr Bowen's garden at Lambeth, who calls it The Silver-Spoon Tree; and is at all times ready to oblige his friends with the sight of it.
If anyone wants to see this amazing and impressive plant in full bloom, they can find it at Mr Bowen's garden in Lambeth, where he refers to it as The Silver-Spoon Tree; and he’s always happy to show it to his friends.
THE
RidottoGame room al' FrescoWall painting,
A
P O E M.
What various Arts attempts the am'rous Swain,
What different arts does the lovesick guy try,
To force the Fair, or her Consent to gain—
To force the Fair, or to gain her Consent—
Now Balls, now Masquerades his Care employ,
Now Balls, now Masquerades occupy his attention,
And Play and Park alternately give Joy—
And Play and Park take turns giving Joy—
Industrious H——gg——r, whose magick Brains
Industrious H——gg——r, whose magic brains
Still in their Shell the Recipe retains
Still in their shell, the Recipe remains
Like some good Midwife brings the Plot to light
Like a skilled midwife brings the plot to light.
And helps the lab'ring Swain to Celia's Sight;
And helps the hardworking farmer see Celia;
For this his Eunuchs in high Buskins tread—
For this, his eunuchs in high boots step—
And chaunt harmonious Lays for this,—and Bread;
And sing harmonious songs for this,—and Bread;
For this the Assembly's fix'd; and the huge Dome
For this, the Assembly's set, and the huge dome
Swells with the Lady's Vows, when the Stake's gone.—
Swells with the Lady's Vows, when the Stake's gone.—
For this he forms the vicious Masquerade,
For this, he creates the wicked Masquerade,
Where Damsels may securely drive their Trade,
Where young women can safely conduct their business,
For which the Salesman, Chandler, Chairmen loudly pray,
For which the salesman, Chandler, and the chairman loudly pray,
And Pickpockets too, hail the joyful Day—
And Pickpockets too, celebrate the joyful Day—
But now what Tongue can praise the mighty Worth,
But now, what words can praise the great worth,
Who to Ridotto gave an English Birth;
Who to Ridotto gave an English birth;
To him let every Templar bend the Knee,
To him, let every Templar kneel,
Receive a Ticket, and give up the Fee:
Receive a Ticket, and give up the Fee:
Let Drury-Lane eternal Columns raise,
Let Drury Lane's eternal columns rise,
And every wanton Wife resound his Praise;
And every promiscuous wife praises him;
Let Courtiers with implicit Faith obey,
Let courtiers faithfully obey,
And to their grand Procurer Homage pay.
And pay respect to their great Provider.
No more shall Duchesses to Bath repair,
No more will Duchesses go to Bath,
Or fly to Tunbridge to procure an Heir;
Or fly to Tunbridge to get an heir;
Spring-Gardens can supply their every Want,
Spring-Gardens can supply all their needs,
For here whate'er they ask the Swain wil grant,
For here, whatever they ask, the Swain will grant,
And future Lords (if they'll confess the right)
And future leaders (if they admit the truth)
Shall owe their Being to this blessed Night;
Shall owe their existence to this wonderful night;
Hence future Wickedness shall take its Rise,
So future wickedness will rise,
(For Masquerade to this is paultry Vice)
(For Masquerade to this is petty Vice)
An Æra of new Crimes shall hence begin,
An era of new crimes will now begin,
And H——gg——r chief Devil be of Sin;
And H——gg——r chief Devil be of Sin;
No more shall Ugliness be his Disgrace,
No longer will Ugliness be his Shame,
His Head mends all the Frailties of his Face;
His head fixes all the flaws of his face;
When Masques and Balls to their Conclusion drew,
When masquerades and balls came to an end,
To this his last Resort the Hero flew;
To this, his final option, the hero rushed;
So by degrees the Errant Knights of old
So gradually, the wandering knights of the past
To Glory rose, and by Degrees grew bold;
To Glory rose and gradually became more confident;
A while content the common Road they trod,
A while happy on the familiar road they walked,
'Till some great Act at last confess the God.
'Til some great act finally reveals the God.
Now Painters work,—and dine, that starv'd before,
Now painters work — and eat, who were starving before,
And Tallymen supply each needy Whore—
And Tallymen provide for every needy sex worker—
Fam'd Covent-Garden droops with mournful Look,
Famed Covent-Garden looks sad,
Nor can St. James's her great Rival brook:
Nor can St. James's her great rival tolerate:
Each Duck and D——ss, quacks to different Tunes,
Each Duck and D——ss quacks to different tunes,
One claps her Wings for Love, the other swoons;
One claps her wings for love, the other swoons;
Each Vintner storms and swears he is undone,
Each vintner rages and claims he's done,
Vollies of Oaths speak loud the Drawer's Moan;
Vows echo the Drawer’s issue;
Porter who us'd to search for needful Girls,
Porter who used to look for the necessary girls,
Now sucks his Fingers, or his Apron twirls,
Now he sucks his fingers or twirls his apron,
Bemoans his Loss of Business, and with Sighs,
Bemoans his loss of business, and with sighs,
In Box imprison'd lays the useless Dice.
In a box, the useless dice lie imprisoned.
Spring-Garden now alone does all invite
Spring-Garden now invites everyone alone
The Cit, the Wit, the Rake, the Fool, the Knight:
The Cit, the Wit, the Rake, the Fool, the Knight:
No Lady, that can pawn her Coat or Gown,
No lady who can sell her coat or gown,
Will rest 'till she has laid the Money down:
Will rest until she has paid the money:
Each Clerk will to the Joints his Fingers work,
Each clerk will work his fingers to the bone.
And Counsellors find out some modern Querk,
And counselors discover some modern quirks,
To raise the Guinea, and to see the Grot,
To raise the Guinea, and to see the Grot,
And 'mongst the Belles to slant it at Ridolt.
And among the Belles to hint at Ridolt.
Here Seamstresses and Maids together vie,
Here seamstresses and maids compete together,
And the spruce 'Prentice shines in Sword and Tye:
And the spruce 'Prentice shines in Sword and Tie:
Bandy'd in Lace the City Dame appears,
Bandy'd in Lace, the city lady shows up,
Her Hair genteelly frizzled round her Ears;
Her hair gently curled around her ears;
Her Gown with Tyrian Dyes most richly stain'd,
Her gown dyed with the richest Tyrian colors,
Glitt'ring with Orient Pearl from Orphans gain'd.
Glittering with Orient Pearl from Orphans gained.
My Lord, to oblige his Spouse, takes Tickets three,
My Lord, to please his spouse, takes three tickets,
Crys, one's for you my Love, and one for me,
Crys, one for you, my love, and one for me,
The third dispose as you shall best adjudge,
The third should be handled as you think is best,
Shew where you're pleas'd, and where you owe a Grudge:
Show us where you're happy and where you hold a grudge:
Madam elate, thinks she'll be kind to Betty,
Madam feeling happy, thinks she’ll be nice to Betty,
To hide the Slips she made with Spark i'th' City:
To hide the mistakes she made with Spark in the City:
But Stallion Tom, who well knew how to scold,
But Stallion Tom, who really knew how to give someone a talking-to,
And by his Mistress's Favour grown too bold,
And because of his Mistress's Favor, he became too bold,
Swears if he has it not, he will reveal,
Swears if he doesn't have it, he'll expose,
And to his Master tell a dismal Tale;
And to his Master share a sorrowful story;
Madam, reluctant, gives him up the Paper;
Ma'am, hesitantly, hands him the paper;
He at her Folly laughs, and cuts a Caper.
He laughs at her foolishness and does a little dance.
Sylvia, a Lady, kept by twenty Beaux,
Sylvia, a lady, was being supported by twenty suitors,
Who never yet could brook the Marriage Noose,
Who has never been able to handle the marriage trap,
By each a Ticket offer'd, scorns 'em all,
By each, a ticket offered, they scorn them all,
In hopes some Fool at last will Victim fall,
In hopes that some fool will finally fall victim,
And, kindly offer Treat and Ticket too,
And please also give Treat and Ticket,
Which to her Charms she thinks most justly due;
Which she thinks are most deservedly hers;
At last a brisk young Templar full of Fire,
At last, a lively young Templar brimming with energy,
Whom Writs with Money, Wine with Love inspire,
Whom writings with Money, wine inspires with love,
Address'd the Dame, she yeilds his glowing Charms,
Addressed the lady, she yields to his glowing charms,
And for a Ticket flies into his Arms:
And for a ticket, it flies into his arms:
So every dapper Fop and brawny Rake
So every stylish dandy and muscular rake
Will Tickets to their Ladies Presents make;
Will Tickets to their Ladies' Presents make;
To Sin, the only certain Dedication,
To Sin, the only sure Commitment,
To every gentle Mistress in the Nation,
To every kind Mistress in the country,
From Suburb Whore, to ranting Dame of Fashion;
From Suburb Whore to the ranting Lady of Fashion;
For none's so niece as to refuse the Suit,
For no one's so nice as to turn down the request,
But grasps the Tree tho' 'tis forbidden Fruit.
But reaches for the Tree even though it’s forbidden Fruit.
Near where the Thames in pleasant Windings runs,
Near where the Thames flows,
Near where the famous Glass-house fiercely burns,
Near where the famous Glasshouse fiercely burns,
(Which to the Love of poor desponding Swains,
(Which to the love of poor, hopeless shepherds,
An Emblem terrible, but just retains.)
An emblem that's terrifying, but fair, still stands.
Near where fam'd Vaux was to have fled,
Near where famous Vaux was to have fled,
With lighted Match, soon as he'd done the Deed;
With a lit match, as soon as he finished the act;
Whence some pretend to say by second Sight,
Whence some claim to know through second sight,
That it foreshew'd the Fate attends this Night,
That it foretells the fate that awaits tonight,
'Cause here the Fair will many Matches light.
'Cause here the Fair will spark many Matches.
Spring-Gardens lie shaded with verdant Trees,
Spring-Gardens are shaded by green trees,
That nod their reverend Heads at every Breeze;
That nod their respectful heads at every breeze;
Embassadors like Turks hence send Express,
Ambassadors like Turks therefore send Express,
And Ministers of State like Devils dress—
And Ministers of State dress like Devils—
Should some wild Indian see the various Scene,
Should some wild Indian see the different scene,
He'd swear all Nations of the Earth do here convene,
He'd swear that all the nations of the world gather here,
And take for quite reverse this medley Farce,
And consider this mixed-up Farce in a completely opposite way,
Think Strumpers Saints, or catstick'd Beau a Mars.
Think of Strumpers Saints, or the stick figure Beau as a Mars.
But now the Dancers nimble Feet go round,
But now the dancers' nimble feet go around,
And with just Measures beat the passive Ground,
And with just steps, I walk the quiet ground,
Each one inclines to different Delights—
Each person leans toward different pleasures—
Musick the Fair, Sweetmeats the Beau invite;
Musicians are charming, and treats are exquisite.
The Templar wisely does his Care enroll,
The Templar wisely manages his care,
Pockets the Pheasant, and eats up the Fowls
Pockets the Pheasant and eats the birds.
Nor will return to join the giddy Rout,
Nor will return to join the wild crowd,
'Till he has eat and drank his Guinea out.
'Till he has eaten and drunk his Guinea out.
Now Dancing fires the Nymph to softer Joys;
Now dancing inspires the Nymph to gentler joys;
The Musick's dull, the Wine and Sweetmeat cloys;
The music is dull, the wine and sweets are too much;
Strephon streight takes the Hint, withdraws a-while,
Strephon quickly gets the hint and steps away for a moment,
By soft Endearments does her Grief beguile;
By gentle affection, her sorrow is soothed;
Soon they return more vig'rous than before,
Soon they return more vigorous than before,
Do what they will, she cannot be a Whore.
Do whatever they want, she cannot be a whore.
For Mahomet may dream of heavenly Stews,
For Mahomet may dream of divine meals,
Where Virgin Rose, soon as it's lost, renews,
Where Virgin Rose, as soon as it’s lost, renews,
And shake with every Breath of Air serene,
And shake with every gentle breath of air,
As trembling for the Rapes they've daily seen;
As they shudder at the assaults they've witnessed every day;
When if those past can shake their Height profound,
When those from the past can shake their deep heights,
Ridotto sure will fell them to the Ground;
Ridotto will definitely bring them down to the ground;
Here Art to Nature join'd makes it compleat,
Here, Art and Nature together make it whole,
And Pyramids and Trees together meet;
And Pyramids and Trees come together;
Statues amidst the thickest Grove arise,
Statues stand among the densest trees,
And lofty Columns tow'ring to the Skies;
And tall columns reaching up to the skies;
Then next an Obelisk its Shade displays,
Then next, an obelisk casts its shade,
And rustic Rockwork fills each empty Space;
And rustic rockwork fills every empty space;
Each joins to make it noble, and excells
Each contributes to make it noble and excels.
Beaufets for Food, Grotto's for something else.
Beaufets for Food, Grotto's for other things.
But hark! the Doors on jarring Hinges turn,
But listen! the doors creak on their rusty hinges,
All enter in, and the blest Scene's begun;
All enter in, and the blessed scene has begun;
A thousand Lights their livid Flames display,
A thousand lights show their pale flames,
Pour forth their Blaze, and form a mimick Day:
Pour out their flames and create a fake day:
Sudden a motley Mixture fills the Place,
Suddenly, a mixed crowd fills the space,
And Footmen shine as lordly as his Grace;
And footmen shine just as nobly as his Grace;
To see the sad Effect and Power of Change,
To witness the sad impact and influence of change,
Ladies turn'd Men, in Breeches freely range:
Ladies transformed into men freely wander in trousers:
Young smooth-chin'd Beaux turn Priests and Fryars,
Young clean-shaven guys become priests and friars,
And Nun's chaste Habits hide our Country 'Squires.
And the Nun's modest clothes conceal our local gentlemen.
Belles, Beaux, and Sharpers here together play,
Belles, Beaux, and Sharpers are all here to enjoy themselves,
And Wives throw their good Spouses Wealth away;
And wives waste their good spouses' money;
And when their Cash runs low, and Fate runs cross,
And when their cash runs low, and things start to go wrong,
They then Cornute 'em to retrieve their Loss.
They then Cornute them to get back what they lost.
Dice and Intrigue so mutually are blended,
Dice and intrigue are so closely intertwined,
That one begins as soon as t'other's ended:
That one starts as soon as the other finishes:
A City Heiress blooming, rich, and fair,
A city heiress thriving, wealthy, and beautiful,
Picks up the Cards and Counters with great Care;
Picks up the cards and counters with great care;
Against her fate a smooth young Baron,
Against her fate a smooth young Baron,
Wit he had none, Beauty he had his share on,
Wit he had none, Beauty he had his share of,
A soft clear Skin, a dapper Neck and Waist,
A smooth clear complexion, a stylish neck and waist,
In all Things suited to the modern Taste;
In everything that fits today's preferences;
And most polite, like all our modish Brood,
And most polite, like all our trendy crowd,
That is, a very Fool, who's very leud:
That is, a complete fool, who's really rude:
He ogles Miss, she squints, and turns aside,
He stares at the woman, she looks away and turns to the side,
Nor can her Mask her rising Blushes hide;
Nor can her mask hide her rising blushes;
At last (as Bargains here are quickly made)
At last (since deals are made quickly around here)
She yeilds to be Caress'd, tho' still afraid;
She allows herself to be touched, even though she's still scared;
She cries, a private Room's for them most fit,
She cries, a private room is the best place for them.
For Reputation is the Glory of a Cit;
For reputation is the pride of a city;
This only is the Place, where in a Trice,
This is the only place where, in an instant,
Some Angel steals the Wounds of friendly Vice;
Some angel takes away the injuries caused by friendly faults;
The Nymph finds a Relief for all her Pains,
The Nymph finds a way to relieve all her pain,
And the lost Maidenhead's restor'd again.
And the lost virginity is restored again.
But who is he in Bower close confin'd,
But who is he locked away in the Bower,
With a kind Fair t' unbend his troubled Mind,
With a kind way to ease his troubled mind,
Sure by his Air, his Beauty, and his Grace,
Sure of his charm, looks, and elegance,
It Phoebus is, or some of heavenly Race.
It Phoebus is, or one of the heavenly beings.
A petty Courtier, of small Estate and Sense,
A petty courtier, with little wealth and common sense,
Stood hearkning by, and cry'd it was the P——ce.
Stood listening nearby, and shouted it was the P——ce.
Your Pardon, Sir, I knew it not before,
Your pardon, sir, I didn't know it before,
For my Mistake depended on his Whore,
For my mistake relied on his mistress,
One had Latona to'ther has L——r.
One had Latona and the other has L——r.
Next to the Grotto let us bend our Eye,
Next to the Grotto, let's focus our attention,
The Grotto, Patron of Iniquity,
The Grotto, Guardian of Sin,
Speak O ye Trees with kind refreshing Shade,
Speak, O you trees with your cool, refreshing shade,
How many Whores have at your Roots been made;
How many people have been corrupted at your roots;
Alas; how small the Number to what now,
Alas; how small the number compared to what now,
This one, this happy Night, alone will shew
This one, this happy night, alone will show
So many, that each conscious Dryad flees,
So many that every conscious Dryad flees,
Lest she too should be ravish'd thro' the Trees.
Lest she too should be taken away through the trees.
Next rattling Dice invite th' attentive Ear,
Next, the rattling dice catch the attentive ear,
Lords loudly laugh, as loud the Bullies swear:
Lords laugh loudly, while the bullies swear just as loudly:
The Country Knight o'th' Shire sells his Estate,
The Country Knight of the Shire sells his estate,
And here with Heart intrepid meets his Fate;
And here, with courage, Heart faces his fate;
So they withdrew to quench their glowing Flame,
So they stepped back to put out their blazing fire,
And to preserve the Honour of her Name;
And to protect the honor of her name;
For oh! sad Fate as they ascend the Stairs,
For oh! sad fate as they climb the stairs,
At the Room Door her good Mamma appears,
At the room door, her dear Mom shows up,
Soon as she spies her Child with Looks demure,
Soon as she sees her Child with a shy look,
She charges her to keep her Vessel pure:
She urges her to keep her Vessel pure:
Miss pertly answers to avoid her Doom,
Miss smartly responds to dodge her fate,
Mamma, whose Hat and Wig is in the Room?
Mama, whose hat and wig are in the room?
The good old Dame yeilds at the just Reproach,
The good old lady bows to the rightful criticism,
Cries—Well my Dear, don't take too much!
Cries—Well, my dear, don't overdo it!
Thus various Joys soon waste the fleeting Night,
Thus various joys soon use up the fleeting night,
And Sleep and Lust the Croud to Bed invite;
And Sleep and Lust invite the crowd to bed;
Some in their Truckle-Beds to snore all Day,
Some in their beds snore all day,
Others in Gambols with their Wh——es to play;
Others in Gambols with their Whores to play;
The Dunghill Trapes, trickt up like virtuous Trull,
The Dunghill Trapes, dressed up like a virtuous woman,
If by good Chance, she gets a Dupe or Cull;
If by a stroke of luck, she gets a Dupe or a fool;
On Tallyman intrudes twelve Hours more,
On Tallyman barges in for another twelve hours,
And for a clean Shift presumes to run a Score.
And for a clean Shift it assumes to run a Score.
Sages may say, that Arts and Science fail,
Sages might say that the arts and sciences fall short,
And Ignorance and Folly have weigh'd down the Scale:
And Ignorance and Foolishness have tipped the Scale:
In England they have given new Arts a Rise,
In England, they have introduced new arts.
And what in Science wants, increase in Vice,
And what science wants, increases in wrongdoing,
And to be great as Angels when they fell,
And to be as great as Angels when they fell,
(If not exceed) at least they equal Hell.
(If not exceed) at least they equal Hell.
F I N I S.
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