THE TAMING OF THE SHREW

Persons in the Induction
A LORD
CHRISTOPHER SLY, a tinker
HOSTESS
PAGE
PLAYERS
HUNTSMEN
SERVANTS

BAPTISTA MINOLA, a wealthy gentleman from Padua
VINCENTIO, an elderly gentleman from Pisa
LUCENTIO, Vincentio's son; in love with Bianca
PETRUCHIO, a gentleman from Verona; courting Katherina

Bianca's suitors
GREMIO
HORTENSIO

Servants of Lucentio
TRANIO
BIONDELLO

Petruchio's Servants
GRUMIO
CURTIS

PEDANT, ready to impersonate Vincentio

Daughters to Baptista
KATHERINA, the tough
BIANCA

WIDOW

Tailor, Haberdasher, and Servants waiting on Baptista and Petruchio

Enter Hostess and Sly

SLY.
I'll tease you, for real.

HOSTESS.
A pair of stocks, you troublemaker!

SLY.
You're a nuisance; the Slys aren't dishonest; check the history books: we came in with Richard the Conqueror. So, paucas pallabris; let the world turn. Enough!

HOSTESS.
You’re not going to pay for the glasses you broke?

SLY.
No, I'm not a denier. Just go on, Saint Jeronimy, go to your cold bed and keep warm.

HOSTESS.
I know what to do; I need to go get the third-borough.

[Log Out]

SLY.
Third, or fourth, or fifth neighborhood, I’ll respond to him legally. I won’t move a bit, kid: let him come, if he’s polite.

[Lies down on the ground and falls asleep.]

Horns sounded. A Lord entered from hunting, accompanied by Hunters and Staff.

LORD.
Huntsman, I urge you to take good care of my dogs;
Brach Merriman, that poor mutt is injured,
And tie Clowder to the loud-mouthed hound.
Did you not see, boy, how Silver did well
At the hedge-corner, despite the cold mistake?
I wouldn’t trade the dog for twenty pounds.

FIRST HUNTSMAN.
I mean, Bellman is just as good as he is, my lord;
He barked at the slightest loss,
And twice today followed the dullest trail;
Believe me, I think he’s the better dog.

LORD.
You're a fool: if Echo were as quick,
I would think he's worth a dozen like you.
But feed them well, and keep an eye on them all;
Tomorrow I plan to go hunting again.

Sure thing, my lord.

LORD.
[Sees Sly.] What’s going on here? Is he dead or just drunk?
Look, is he breathing?

SECOND HUNTSMAN.
He’s breathing, my lord. If he weren't warmed by ale,
This would be too cold a bed for such deep sleep.

LORD.
Oh, what a grotesque creature! He’s lying there like a pig!
Grim death, your image is so disgusting and repulsive!
Gentlemen, I’m going to take advantage of this drunk guy.
What do you think, if we got him to bed,
Dressed him in nice clothes, slipped rings on his fingers,
Set up a delicious feast by his side,
And had some fancy attendants around when he wakes,
Wouldn’t the beggar then lose his sense of self?

FIRST HUNTSMAN.
Trust me, my lord, I don’t think he has any other option.

SECOND HUNTSMAN.
It would seem strange to him when he woke up.

LORD.
Even like a flattering dream or pointless fancy.
Then lift him up, and handle the joke well.
Gently take him to my finest room,
And decorate it with all my playful pictures;
Soak his dirty head in warm distilled waters,
And burn sweet wood to make the place smell nice.
Have music ready when he wakes,
To create a soft and heavenly sound;
And if he happens to speak, be ready right away,
And with a low, respectful bow
Say, ‘What can I do for you, my lord?’
Let one person attend him with a silver basin
Full of rose water and sprinkled with flowers;
Another carry the pitcher and a third a towel,
And say, ‘Would you like to cool your hands, my lord?’
Someone should be ready with a fancy outfit,
And ask him what clothes he wants to wear;
Another should tell him about his hounds and horse,
And that his lady is grieving for his illness.
Convince him that he’s been insane;
And when he says he is—tell him he’s dreaming,
For he is nothing but a powerful lord.
Do this, and do it kindly, gentle sirs;
It will be a truly excellent pastime,
If it’s done with modesty.

FIRST HUNTSMAN.
My lord, I assure you we will do our job,
So that he will believe we are truly diligent,
And that he is no less than what we claim he is.

LORD.
Take him up carefully and put him to bed,
And everyone can get back to their work when he wakes up.

[Cunning is brought out. A trumpet plays.]

Hey, go check out which trumpet is playing.

[Exit Servant.]

Probably some noble gentleman who intends,
To rest here while traveling on a journey.

Re-enter Servant.

Who’s there?

SERVANT.
If it pleases you, my lord, we have players
Who are here to serve your lordship.

Lord.
Tell them to come closer.

Enter Players.

Welcome, everyone.

PLAYERS.
Thank you, Your Honor.

LORD.
Are you planning to stay with me tonight?

PLAYER.
So please, your lordship, accept our duty.

LORD.
With all my heart. I remember this guy
Since he once played the farmer’s eldest son;
It was when you courted the lady so well.
I’ve forgotten your name, but that role
Was perfectly suited and naturally done.

PLAYER.
I believe you mean Soto, your honor.

LORD.
It's very true; you did an excellent job.
Well, you’ve come to me at a great time,
Especially since I have some entertainment planned
Where your skills can help me a lot.
There’s a lord who will listen to you perform tonight;
But I’m worried about your modesty,
In case you get thrown off by his unusual behavior—
Since his honor has never seen a play before—
You might get caught up in some joyful mood
And end up offending him; because I tell you, guys,
If you smile, he’ll get impatient.

PLAYER.
Don't worry, my lord; we can control ourselves,
Even if he were the biggest fool in the world.

LORD.
Go, take them to the pantry,
And give everyone a warm welcome:
Make sure they don’t lack for anything that my house offers.

[Leave with the Players.]

Hey, go to Barthol’mew, my page,
And make sure he’s dressed up fully like a lady;
Once that’s done, take him to the drunkard’s room,
And call him ‘madam,’ showing him respect.
Tell him from me—if he wants to win my love,—
He should carry himself with honorable actions,
Just like noble ladies do with their lords,
By being attentive to them;
He should treat the drunkard with such respect,
Using a gentle voice and humble courtesy,
And say, ‘What is it your honor will command,
Where your lady and your humble wife
Can show her duty and express her love?’
Then with warm hugs, tempting kisses,
And tilting his head into his chest,
Tell him to shed tears, feeling overjoyed
To see her noble lord back to health,
Who for these seven years has seen him
As nothing more than a poor and disgusting beggar.
And if the boy can’t produce a woman’s gift
To cry a stream of tears on cue,
An onion will work just fine for that,
Which, wrapped in a napkin and secretly brought,
Will surely force a watery eye.
Make sure this is done as fast as you can;
I’ll give you more instructions soon.

[Exit Servant.]

I know the boy will perfectly take on the charm,
Voice, movement, and manner of a lady;
I can't wait to hear him call the drunken husband;
And how my men will hold back their laughter
When they show respect to this simple peasant.
I’ll go in to talk to them; maybe my presence
Can help tone down the overly cheerful mood,
Which might otherwise go too far.

[Exit.]

Sly is found in an expensive nightgown, with Staff: some carrying clothes, a basin, a ewer, and other accessories; and Lord, dressed like a servant.

SLY.
For goodness' sake! a jug of light beer.

FIRST SERVANT.
Would you like to drink a cup of sherry, my lord?

SECOND SERVANT.
Would you like to try some of these preserves?

THIRD SERVANT.
What outfit will you wear today?

SLY.
I’m Christophero Sly; don’t call me honorable or a lord. I’ve never had wine in my life; and if you offer me any snacks, make them beef jerky. Don’t ask me what clothes I’ll wear, because I don’t have more jackets than I do backs, more socks than I do legs, or more shoes than I do feet: sometimes I have more feet than shoes, or only shoes that my toes poke through the worn-out leather.

LORD.
Heaven put an end to this pointless humor in your name!
Oh, that a great man of such lineage,
With such wealth and high regard,
Should be filled with such a malicious spirit!

SLY.
What! Are you trying to drive me crazy? I'm Christopher Sly, the son of old Sly from Burton Heath; born a peddler, educated as a card maker, turned into a bear herder, and now I’m a tinker by trade. Ask Marian Hacket, the plump alewife from Wincot, if she doesn’t know me: if she says I don’t owe her fourteen pence for ale, then call me the biggest liar in Christendom. What! I’m not out of my mind. Here’s—

THIRD SERVANT.
Oh! This is what makes your lady sad.

SECOND SERVANT.
Oh! This is what makes your servants feel down.

LORD.
That's why your family avoids your home,
As if driven away by your bizarre madness.
Oh noble lord, think about your origins,
Bring back your noble thoughts from exile,
And get rid of these pathetic, lowly dreams.
See how your servants are there for you,
Each one ready to serve you:
Do you want music? Listen! Apollo is playing,

[Music.]

And twenty caged nightingales are singing:
Or will you sleep? We’ll get you a bed
That’s softer and sweeter than the seductive one
Specifically prepared for Semiramis.
Say you want to walk: we will cover the ground:
Or do you want to ride? Your horses will be adorned,
Their gear studded with gold and pearls.
Do you like falconry? You have hawks that will soar
Higher than the morning lark: or do you want to hunt?
Your hounds will make the sky respond to them
And create sharp echoes from the hollow earth.

FIRST SERVANT.
Say you will chase; your greyhounds are as fast
As running stags; yes, quicker than the deer.

SECOND SERVANT.
Do you love pictures? We'll bring you right away
Adonis painted by a flowing brook,
And Cytherea hiding in the reeds,
That seem to stir and dance with her breath
Just like the waving reeds play with the wind.

LORD.
We’ll show you Io as she was a young woman
And how she was deceived and caught off guard,
As vividly depicted as the moment took place.

THIRD SERVANT.
Or Daphne wandering through a thorny forest,
Scratching her legs, making it look like she's bleeding
And at that sight, the sorrowful Apollo will weep,
So skillfully are the blood and tears portrayed.

LORD.
You are a lord, and nothing more than a lord:
You have a lady who's far more beautiful
Than any woman in this fading time.

FIRST SERVANT.
And, until the tears she has cried for you
Like jealous floods spill over her beautiful face,
She was the most beautiful person in the world;
And still, she is second to none.

SLY.
Am I really a lord? And do I have such a lady?
Or am I dreaming? Or have I just been dreaming until now?
I’m not asleep: I see, I hear, I speak;
I smell sweet scents, and I feel soft things:
Honestly, I am a lord for sure;
And not a tinker, nor Christopher Sly.
Well, bring our lady here so we can see her;
And once again, a pint of the smallest ale.

SECOND SERVANT.
Would you like to wash your hands?

[Servants bring a pitcher, bowl, and napkin.]

Oh, how happy we are to see your intelligence back!
Oh, that you could once again recognize who you really are!
For these fifteen years, you’ve been lost in a dream,
Or, when you finally woke up, it was as if you were still asleep.

SLY.
These fifteen years! Honestly, that was a long sleep.
But did I ever mention all that time?

FIRST SERVANT.
Oh! yes, my lord, but just some idle talk;
Even though you’re resting in this nice room,
You would still say you were kicked out,
And complain about the hostess of the house,
Claiming you would call her out at the court,
Because she served stone jugs and no sealed quarts.
Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket.

SLY.
Yeah, the woman's maid in the house.

THIRD SERVANT.
Well, sir, you don't know any house or maid like that,
Or any of the guys you've mentioned,
Like Stephen Sly, and old John Naps of Greece,
And Peter Turph, and Henry Pimpernell;
And twenty more names and guys like these,
Who never existed, and no one has ever seen.

SLY.
Now, thank goodness for my good fortune!

ALL.
Amen.

Enter the Page, as a woman, with Staff.

SLY.
Thank you; you won’t regret it.

PAGE.
How is my noble lord?

SLY.
Well, I'm doing great; there's plenty of good cheer here.
Where's my wife?

PAGE.
Here, my lord: what do you want with her?

SLY.
Are you my wife, and why don’t you call me husband?
My men should call me lord: I am your husband.

PAGE.
My husband and my lord, my lord and my husband;
I am your wife completely devoted to you.

SLY.
I know her well. What should I call her?

Sir.
Ma'am.

SLY.
Alice or Joan?

LORD.
Ma'am, and nothing more; that's how lords refer to ladies.

SLY.
Madam wife, they say that I’ve been dreaming
And sleeping for over fifteen years or more.

PAGE.
Yeah, and it feels like it's been thirty years to me,
Having been away from your bed this whole time.

SLY.
That’s a lot. Servants, leave me and her alone.
Ma'am, take off your clothes and come to bed now.

PAGE.
Three times noble lord, I beg you
To forgive me for another night or two;
Or, if that’s not possible, until sunset:
For your doctors have specifically instructed,
Under the risk of your previous illness returning,
That I should stay away from your bed:
I hope this reason is enough for my excuse.

SLY.
Yeah, it’s set up so I can hardly stay here for long; but I really don’t want to slip back into my dreams again: I’ll stick around despite the fatigue.

Enter a Messenger.

MESSENGER.
Your honor’s actors, hearing about your request,
Have come to perform a light-hearted comedy;
For your doctors believe it's quite appropriate,
Since too much sadness has hardened your spirit,
And sadness often leads to madness:
So, they thought it best for you to watch a play,
And set your mind to joy and happiness,
Which wards off many troubles and extends life.

SLY.
Sure, I will; let them go for it. Isn’t a common entertainment just a Christmas game or a trick?

PAGE.
No, my good lord; it's much more enjoyable.

SLY.
What! Household items?

PAGE.
It's a kind of history.

SLY.
Well, we'll see. Come on, my dear wife, sit by me and let the world fade away: we'll never be younger than we are now.

Flourish. Enter Lucentio and Tranio.

LUCENTIO.
Tranio, since I really wanted to see
beautiful Padua, the birthplace of arts,
I have arrived in fruitful Lombardy,
the lovely garden of great Italy,
and thanks to my father’s love and permission,
I am equipped with his support and your good company,
my loyal servant who is reliable in every way.
Let’s take a moment to breathe and maybe start
a path of learning and clever studies.
Pisa, known for its serious citizens,
gave me life, just as it did my father,
a merchant who traveled widely,
Vincentio, from the Bentivolii family.
As Vincentio’s son, raised in Florence,
I should work to fulfill all my hopes,
to adorn my future with my good deeds:
And so, Tranio, during my studies,
I will focus on virtue and that aspect of philosophy
that explores happiness,
which is achieved through virtue.
What do you think? I have left Pisa
and come to Padua like someone who leaves
a shallow puddle to dive into the deep,
seeking to quench his thirst with abundance.

TRANIO.
My apologies, dear master;
I feel just like you do;
I’m happy that you’re sticking to your plan
To enjoy the pleasures of philosophy.
But, my good master, while we appreciate
This virtue and this moral education,
Let’s not be stoics or emotionless, please;
Nor be so devoted to Aristotle’s rules
That we completely reject Ovid.
Challenge logic with what you know,
And use rhetoric in your everyday conversations;
Incorporate music and poetry to energize you;
Approach math and metaphysics
As you feel inclined:
No benefit comes without some enjoyment;
In short, sir, study what you love most.

LUCENTIO.
Thanks, Tranio, you give great advice.
If you had landed, Biondello,
We could get ready right away,
And find a place that's good enough for
The friends we’ll meet in Padua.
But wait a moment; who is this?

TRANIO.
Master, some people are here to welcome us to town.

[Lucentio and Tranio stand to the side.]

Enter Baptista, Katherina, Bianca, Gremio and Hortensio.

BAPTISTA.
Gentlemen, stop pressing me,
Because you know how firmly I’ve made up my mind;
That is, I won’t give my youngest daughter
Away until I find a husband for the older one.
If either of you truly loves Katherina,
Since I know you both well and care for you,
You are free to pursue her as you wish.

GREMIO.
To put it bluntly: she’s not my type.
There, there, Hortensio, do you want any wife?

KATHERINA.
[To Baptista] Please, sir, do you want
To make a fool of me in front of these friends?

HORTENSIO.
Hey, girl! What do you mean by that? You won't find any friends here,
Unless you were more kind and gentle.

KATHERINA.
Honestly, sir, you won’t have to worry;
I assure you it’s not even close to her heart;
But if it were, don’t doubt she’d take
A three-legged stool to style your hair,
And paint your face, treating you like a fool.

HORTENSIO.
From all those evil spirits, good Lord, free us!

GREMIO.
Me too, good Lord!

TRANIO.
Quiet, master! Here’s some good entertainment:
That girl is either completely crazy or incredibly stubborn.

LUCENTIO.
But in the other’s silence, I see
the maiden’s gentle manner and seriousness.
Quiet down, Tranio!

TRANIO.
Well said, master; hush! and take a good look.

BAPTISTA.
Gentlemen, so I can soon prove
What I've said,—Bianca, go inside:
And don’t be upset, dear Bianca,
Because I will love you just the same, my girl.

KATHERINA.
A pretty little brat! It’s best to poke her in the eye, and she knows why.

BIANCA.
Sister, you find happiness in my unhappiness.
Sir, I willingly agree to your wishes:
My books and instruments will be my companions,
I'll focus on them and practice on my own.

LUCENTIO.
Hey, Tranio! You can hear Minerva speaking.

HORTENSIO.
Mr. Baptista, will you really be like this?
I'm sorry that our good intentions have caused
Bianca pain.

GREMIO.
Why are you keeping her locked up,
Mr. Baptista, for this devil,
And forcing her to suffer for what she says?

BAPTISTA.
Gentlemen, please be at ease; I've made up my mind.
Go ahead, Bianca.

[Exit Bianca.]

And I know she enjoys music, instruments, and poetry the most. I will have teachers in my house who are suitable to educate her. If you, Hortensio, or you, Signior Gremio, know anyone like that, bring them here; I will be very generous and kind to skilled men for the proper upbringing of my children. So, goodbye. Katherina, you can stay; I have more to discuss with Bianca.

[Log out.]

KATHERINA.
Why, I hope I can go too, right? What! Am I going to be assigned times, as if I don't know what to pick and what to leave? Ha!

[Log out.]

GREMIO.
You can go straight to hell: your gifts are so great that no one will stick around. Their love isn’t that strong, Hortensio, but we can just sit here and get through it together; we’re both in the same boat. Goodbye: still, for the love I have for my sweet Bianca, if I can find a suitable guy to teach her what she enjoys, I’ll recommend him to her father.

HORTENSIO.
Sure, I will, Mr. Gremio: but hold on a second, please. Even though the nature of our argument hasn’t allowed for conversation before, I want you to know that, on further thought, this concerns both of us—so that we can once again approach our lovely mistress and compete for Bianca’s affection as happy rivals—we need to work together to achieve one specific goal.

GREMIO.
What’s that, may I ask?

HORTENSIO.
Sure, to find a husband for her sister.

GREMIO.
A husband! a demon.

Hortensio.
I mean, a husband.

GREMIO.
I'm telling you, she's a devil. Do you really think, Hortensio, that even if her dad is super wealthy, any guy is foolish enough to marry someone from hell?

HORTENSIO.
Come on, Gremio! Even though it tests our patience to deal with her constant noise, listen, there are good people out there, and a guy could find someone who would accept her with all her flaws, plus enough money.

GREMIO.
I can't say; but I'd rather accept her dowry with this condition: to be whipped at the high cross every morning.

HORTENSIO.
Honestly, like you said, there isn’t much variety in rotten apples. But let’s go; since this law keeps us allies, we’ll keep it friendly, until by helping Baptista’s oldest daughter find a husband, we can set his youngest free to find a husband, and then we’ll start again. Sweet Bianca! Lucky man he’ll be! The one who runs the fastest gets the ring. What do you think, Signior Gremio?

GREMIO.
I agree; I wish I had given him the best horse in Padua to kickstart his courtship, that would win her over, marry her, and take her to bed, and finally get her out of the house. Let's go.

[Exit Gremio and Hortensio.]

TRANIO.
I ask you, sir, is it possible
For love to suddenly take such hold?

LUCENTIO.
Oh Tranio! Until I discovered it was true,
I never thought it could happen or was even possible;
But look, while I was just standing there, idle,
I saw the impact of love in doing nothing;
And now I openly admit to you,
That you mean to me as secret and as precious
As Anna did to the Queen of Carthage,
Tranio, I’m burning, I’m pining, I’m wasting away, Tranio,
If I don’t win this young, modest girl.
Give me advice, Tranio, because I know you can:
Help me, Tranio, because I know you will.

TRANIO.
Master, now's not the time to scold you;
Feelings aren't measured just by the heart:
If love has affected you, there's nothing left to do:
Redeem yourself from being caught for as little as you can.

LUCENTIO.
Thanks, man; keep going; this is good;
The rest will make me feel better, because your advice is solid.

TRANIO.
Master, you stared at the girl for a long time.
Maybe you didn't notice what's really going on.

LUCENTIO.
Oh, yes, I saw a beautiful sweetness in her face,
Like that of Agenor's daughter,
That made mighty Jove lower himself to her hand,
When he kissed the Cretan shore on his knees.

TRANIO.
Did you not see her anymore? Didn’t you notice how her sister
Started to yell and create such a fuss
That it was almost unbearable for anyone to listen?

LUCENTIO.
Tranio, I saw her coral lips move,
And with her breath, she filled the air with a sweet scent;
Everything I saw in her was sacred and sweet.

TRANIO.
Well, then, it's time to wake him from his daze.
I urge you, wake up, sir: if you love the girl,
Focus your thoughts and efforts to win her. Here’s the situation:
Her older sister is so mean and difficult,
That until their father gets rid of her,
Master, your love will have to stay single at home;
And that's why he has kept her hidden away,
Because she doesn’t want to be bothered by suitors.

LUCENTIO.
Ah, Tranio, what a harsh father he is!
But didn't you notice he made an effort
To find some clever teachers to educate her?

TRANIO.
Yes, I definitely am, sir, and now it’s all planned out.

LUCENTIO.
I got it, Tranio.

TRANIO.
Master, with my hand,
Our ideas come together and align perfectly.

LUCENTIO.
Tell me yours first.

TRANIO.
You’ll be the teacher,
And take on the job of educating the girl:
That’s your plan.

LUCENTIO.
It is: can it be done?

TRANIO.
Not possible; who’s going to take your place
And be Vincentio’s son here in Padua;
Run the household and study, welcome his friends;
Visit his countrymen and host them?

LUCENTIO.
Okay, settle down, I’ve got it all figured out.
We haven’t been seen in any house yet,
And no one can tell us apart by our faces
As either servant or master: so here’s the plan:
You’ll be the master, Tranio, in my place,
Run the household and manage the staff, just like I would;
I’ll take on a different role; maybe a Florentine,
Or a Neapolitan, or just a regular guy from Pisa.
It’s decided, and it’s going to happen: Tranio, right now
Get changed; put on my colored hat and cloak.
When Biondello comes, he’ll be waiting for you;
But I’ll make sure to keep his mouth shut first.

They swap habits.

TRANIO.
So you need it.
In short, sir, since it’s your wish,
And I’m bound to obey;
For that’s what your father told me when we parted,
‘Be useful to my son,’ he said,
Though I think he meant it in a different way:
I’m happy to be Lucentio,
Because I care so much for Lucentio.

LUCENTIO.
Tranio, let it be so, because Lucentio is in love;
And let me be a servant, to win that girl
Whose sudden appearance has captured my hurt heart.

Enter Biondello.

Here comes the troublemaker. Hey, where have you been?

BIONDELLO.
Where have I been? But wait! Where are you?
Master, did my buddy Tranio take your clothes?
Or did you take his? Or maybe both? So, what’s going on?

LUCENTIO.
Hey, come here: it’s not the time for jokes,
So adjust your attitude to match the moment.
Your buddy Tranio here, to save my skin,
Is wearing my clothes and pretending to be me,
While I’ve put on his stuff to escape;
Because I got into a fight after arriving here
And killed a man, and I’m worried I’ve been spotted.
I need you to follow him, as is right,
While I find a way out of here to save my life.
You get what I’m saying?

BIONDELLO.
I'm good, sir! Not at all.

LUCENTIO.
And you haven't mentioned Tranio at all:
Tranio has become Lucentio.

BIONDELLO.
That’s good for him; I wish I could be the same!

TRANIO.
I could too, honestly, man, as long as my next wish is that Lucentio actually gets Baptista’s youngest daughter.
But, listen, not for my sake but for your master’s, I suggest
You behave properly around everyone:
When I’m by myself, I’m just Tranio;
But everywhere else, you’re my master, Lucentio.

LUCENTIO.
Tranio, let’s go.
There’s just one more thing left for you to do,
To join the group of suitors: if you ask me why,
I can assure you my reasons are solid and important.

[Exit.]

[The Presenters above are speaking.]

FIRST SERVANT.
My lord, you nod; you don't mind the play.

SLY.
Yeah, by Saint Anne, I do. It's a good thing, for sure: is there more to it?

PAGE.
My lord, it has just begun.

SLY.
It’s a really great piece of work, madam lady: I wish it were done!

They sit and grade.

Enter Petruchio and his servant Grumio.

PETRUCHIO.
Verona, I'm taking a break for a bit,
To visit my friends in Padua; but of all
My closest and most trusted friend,
Hortensio; and I believe this is his place.
Here, hey Grumio, knock, I said.

GRUMIO.
Knock, sir? Who should I knock on? Has any man refused you?

PETRUCHIO.
Hey, you scoundrel, hit me here hard.

GRUMIO.
Are you waiting here, sir? Why, sir, who do you think I am, sir, that I should be knocking on you here, sir?

PETRUCHIO.
Hey, you scoundrel, knock on this gate;
And knock hard, or I’ll smash your servant’s head.

GRUMIO.
My master has gotten pretty argumentative. I should hit you first,
And then I know who will end up worse off.

PETRUCHIO.
Will it not be?
Honestly, if you won't knock, I'll ring it;
Let's see how well you can sing it.

He grabs Grumio by the ears.

GRUMIO.
Help, everyone, help! My boss is crazy.

PETRUCHIO.
Now, knock when I tell you to, you scoundrel!

Enter Hortensio.

HORTENSIO.
Hey! What's going on? My old buddy Grumio! And my good friend Petruchio! How’s everyone doing in Verona?

PETRUCHIO.
Mr. Hortensio, are you here to settle the argument?
With all my heart, it’s great to see you, if I may say.

HORTENSIO.
Welcome to our home; very honored sir, my Petruchio.
Get up, Grumio, get up: we will settle this argument.

GRUMIO.
No, it doesn’t matter, sir, what he says in Latin. If this isn’t a good reason for me to quit his service, just look, sir, he told me to hit him and beat him hard, sir: well, is it appropriate for a servant to treat his master like that; considering, maybe, as far as I can tell, he's about thirty-two, a little off? I wish I had just hit him properly at the beginning, then I wouldn't have ended up in this mess.

PETRUCHIO.
A mindless fool! Good Hortensio,
I told the idiot to knock on your door,
And I couldn't get him to do it for the life of me.

GRUMIO.
Knock at the gate! Oh heavens! Didn't you say clearly: ‘Hey, knock here, hit me here, knock me hard, and knock me properly’? And now you come with ‘knocking at the gate’?

PETRUCHIO.
Hey, get lost, or don’t say anything, I suggest you.

HORTENSIO.
Petruchio, hang in there; I’m Grumio’s guarantee;
Well, this is a tough situation between you and him,
Your longtime, reliable, fun servant Grumio.
And tell me now, dear friend, what good fortune
Brings you to Padua from old Verona?

PETRUCHIO.
The kind of excitement that sends young men out into the world
To find their fortunes far from home,
Where they gain little experience. But in my case,
Signior Hortensio, here's where I stand:
Antonio, my father, has passed away,
And I’ve thrown myself into this challenge,
Hoping to get married and prosper in the best way I can;
I have money in my pocket and belongings at home,
So I've come out here to see the world.

HORTENSIO.
Petruchio, should I just be direct with you
And hope you end up with a sharp-tongued, unfriendly wife?
You wouldn’t appreciate my advice much;
Still, I can promise you she’ll be wealthy,
Really wealthy: but you’re too good a friend,
And I won’t wish that on you.

PETRUCHIO.
Hey Hortensio, between friends like us,
A few words are enough; so if you know
A woman wealthy enough to be Petruchio’s wife,
Since money is the focus of my courtship,
She could be as ugly as Florentius’ love,
As old as the Sibyl, and as mean and shrewish
As Socrates’ Xanthippe or even worse,
It wouldn’t bother me, or at least wouldn’t take
Away my desire, even if she were as rough
As the raging Adriatic seas:
I’m here to marry rich in Padua;
If I marry rich, then I’ll be happy in Padua.

GRUMIO.
Look, sir, he’s telling you straight up what he’s thinking: just give him enough money, and he’ll marry a doll or a toy baby; or an old hag without a single tooth in her mouth, even if she has every illness you can imagine: nothing matters as long as the cash comes with it.

HORTENSIO.
Petruchio, now that we've come this far,
I'll stick to what I mentioned in jest.
I can help you find a wife,
Someone wealthy, young, and beautiful;
Raised just like a proper lady should be:
Her only flaw—and it’s quite a flaw—
Is that she’s extremely difficult,
And so stubborn and rude, beyond compare,
That even if my situation were much worse,
I wouldn’t marry her for all the gold in the world.

PETRUCHIO.
Hortensio, quiet! You don't understand the power of money:
Just tell me her father's name, and that's all I need;
Because I will take her on, even if she yells as loudly
As thunder when the clouds break in the fall.

HORTENSIO.
Her dad is Baptista Minola,
A friendly and polite man;
Her name is Katherina Minola,
Well-known in Padua for her sharp tongue.

PETRUCHIO.
I know her father, even though I don’t know her;
And he knew my late father well.
I won't rest, Hortensio, until I see her;
So I’ll be bold and ask you,
To step aside at this first meeting,
Unless you’re willing to come with me.

GRUMIO.
I really wish you'd let him go while he's in a good mood. Honestly, if she knew him as well as I do, she'd realize that scolding him wouldn't really help. She might call him a few names, like a couple of knaves; but that doesn't mean anything. Once he starts, he'll go off on his rants. Let me tell you, sir, if she puts up with him for even a little while, he'll throw something back at her that will mess her up so badly she'll have no more ability to see than a cat does. You don't really know him, sir.

HORTENSIO.
Wait, Petruchio, I need to go with you,
Because my treasure is being kept by Baptista:
He has the jewel of my life locked away,
His youngest daughter, beautiful Bianca,
And he’s keeping her from me and other suitors,
Rivals for her and my love;
He thinks it’s impossible,
Because of the flaws I’ve mentioned before,
That Katherina will ever be courted:
So Baptista has made this rule,
That no one can see Bianca
Until Katherine the stubborn gets a husband.

GRUMIO.
Katherine the shrew!
A name for a girl that’s the worst of all.

HORTENSIO.
Now my friend Petruchio will do me a favor,
And present me disguised in formal clothes,
To old Baptista as a schoolteacher
Well-versed in music, to teach Bianca;
So that I can, through this plan at least,
Have the time and opportunity to woo her,
And quietly court her on her own.

GRUMIO.
There’s no trickery here! Look how the young people are scheming to fool the old folks!

Enter Gremio and Lucentio in disguise, carrying books under his arm.

Master, master, look around you: who’s there, huh?

HORTENSIO.
Hold on, Grumio! It's my love rival. Petruchio, wait here for a bit.

GRUMIO.
A good-looking young man, and quite the romantic!

GREMIO.
Oh! Alright; I've read the note.
Listen, sir; I want them to be nicely bound:
All the books about love, make sure you get those,
And make sure you don’t read anything else to her.
You get what I mean. Besides
Signior Baptista’s generosity,
I’ll sweeten the deal with a bonus. Take your papers too,
And make sure they’re really nicely scented;
Because she’s sweeter than any perfume
To whom they are meant. What will you read to her?

LUCENTIO.
Whatever I read to her, I’ll advocate for you,
As for my patron, you can be sure,
As firmly as if you were right here;
Yeah, and maybe even with more persuasive words
Than you, unless you were a scholar, sir.

GREMIO.
Oh! this learning, what a thing it is.

GRUMIO.
Oh! this fool, what an idiot he is.

Petruccio.
Calm down, dude!

HORTENSIO.
Grumio, quiet! God bless you, Mr. Gremio!

GREMIO.
And it’s great to see you, Mr. Hortensio.
Do you know where I’m headed? To Baptista Minola.
I promised to look into
A tutor for the lovely Bianca;
And luckily, I’ve come across
This young man; he has the skills and demeanor
Perfect for her, well-read in poetry
And other good books, I assure you.

HORTENSIO.
That’s good; I’ve met a guy
Who promised to help me find another,
A great musician to teach our mistress:
This way, I won’t fall short in my duty
To beautiful Bianca, so beloved by me.

GREMIO.
Loved by me, and my actions will show it.

GRUMIO.
[Aside.] And we'll see if his bags are worth it.

HORTENSIO.
Gremio, it's not the right time to express our feelings:
Listen to me, and if you’re nice to me,
I’ll share some news that’s equally good for both of us.
I met a gentleman by chance,
Who, based on our agreement, is willing to woo the stubborn Katherine;
Yeah, and he’ll marry her if her dowry is acceptable.

GREMIO.
Well, if you say it, then let's do it.
Hortensio, have you mentioned all her flaws?

PETRUCHIO.
I know she’s an annoying, loud-mouthed nag;
If that’s all there is, gentlemen, I don’t see the problem.

GREMIO.
No, are you really saying that, friend? What country are you from?

PETRUCHIO.
Born in Verona, old Antonio’s son.
My father is dead, but my fortune is still with me;
And I hope to see many good days ahead.

GREMIO.
Oh, sir, what a life it would be, with such a wife!
But if you can handle it, for God's sake;
I’ll be here to help you with everything.
But are you really going to pursue this wild-cat?

PETRUCHIO.
Will I survive?

GRUMIO.
Is he going to court her? Yeah, or I’ll hang her.

PETRUCHIO.
Why did I come here if not for that reason?
Do you think a little noise can scare me?
Haven't I heard lions roar in my time?
Haven't I heard the sea, stirred up by winds,
Raging like an angry boar worked up with heat?
Haven't I heard cannons in the field,
And thunder from the heavens in the sky?
Haven't I heard loud alarms, neighing horses, and trumpets clashing
In a pitched battle?
And you tell me about a woman's tongue,
Which isn't even half as loud as a chestnut popping in a farmer’s fire?
Come on, come on! Scare boys with ghosts.

GRUMIO.
[Aside] He doesn't fear anyone.

GREMIO.
Hortensio, listen:
This guy has arrived at just the right time,
I believe it’s for his benefit and yours.

HORTENSIO.
I promised we would pitch in,
And handle his expenses of wooing, no matter what.

GREMIO.
And so we will, as long as he wins her.

GRUMIO.
I wish I were as sure of a nice dinner.

Enter Tranio bravely, and Biondello.

TRANIO.
Gentlemen, hope you're all doing well! If I may be so bold,
Please tell me, I beg you, what's the quickest way
To Signior Baptista Minola's house?

BIONDELLO.
Are you talking about the guy with the two beautiful daughters?

TRANIO.
Even he, Biondello!

GREMIO.
Hey, sir, you don’t mean for her to—

TRANIO.
Maybe him and her, sir; what do you need?

PETRUCHIO.
Please, don’t scold her, man.

TRANIO.
I don’t like people who scold, sir. Biondello, let’s go.

LUCENTIO.
[Aside] Good start, Tranio.

HORTENSIO.
Sir, can I have a word before you leave?
Are you interested in the girl you mentioned, yes or no?

TRANIO.
And if I am, sir, is that a problem?

GREMIO.
No; if you’re leaving without saying anything more.

TRANIO.
Why, sir, I want to know, aren't the streets just as free
for me as for you?

GREMIO.
But she isn’t.

TRANIO.
Why do you ask?

GREMIO.
So you know,
She's the one I love, Signior Gremio's choice.

HORTENSIO.
That she's the one picked by Signior Hortensio.

TRANIO.
Gently, my masters! If you're gentlemen,
Do me this favor; listen to me patiently.
Baptista is a distinguished gentleman,
To whom my father isn’t completely unknown;
And if his daughter were more beautiful than she is,
She could have many more suitors, including me.
Fair Leda’s daughter had a thousand admirers;
So it’s perfectly reasonable for fair Bianca to have one more;
And she will: Lucentio will be one,
Even if Paris came hoping to win alone.

GREMIO.
What, this guy will outtalk all of us.

LUCENTIO.
Sir, let him take control; I know he’ll turn out to be a troublemaker.

PETRUCHIO.
Hortensio, what’s the point of all this talk?

HORTENSIO.
Sir, may I be bold enough to ask you,
Have you ever seen Baptista’s daughter?

TRANIO.
No, sir, but I hear he has two,
One is well-known for a scolding tongue
As the other is for its lovely modesty.

PETRUCHIO.
Sir, the first one is for me; let her pass.

GREMIO.
Yeah, let that task be handled by great Hercules,
And let it be even more than Alcides' twelve.

PETRUCHIO.
Sir, let me be clear about something:
The youngest daughter, the one you're asking about,
Her father keeps her away from all suitors,
And won't promise her to anyone
Until the older sister is married first;
Only then is the younger one available, not before.

TRANIO.
If it’s true, sir, that you’re the one
Who must help us all, including me;
And if you break the ice and pull this off,
Win over the older one, set the younger free
For us to access, whoever gets her
Won’t be so ungrateful as to not show appreciation.

HORTENSIO.
Sir, you make a good point, and you understand well;
And since you claim to be a suitor,
You have to, like us, please this gentleman,
To whom we all owe our gratitude.

TRANIO.
Sir, I won’t hold back; in light of that,
Let’s plan to meet this afternoon,
And raise a toast to our mistress’ health;
And let’s do like opponents do in court,
Compete fiercely, but eat and drink as friends.

GRUMIO, BIONDELLO.
Oh, what a great idea! Guys, let’s get out of here.

HORTENSIO.
The plan sounds great, and let's do it:—
Petruchio, I’ll be your ben venuto.

[Exit.]

Enter Katherina and Bianca.

BIANCA.
Please, sister, don’t blame me or yourself,
For treating me like a servant or a slave;
I won’t accept that; but for these other things,
Let me go, and I’ll take them off myself,
Yeah, all my clothes down to my petticoat;
Or whatever you ask me, I’ll do it,
Because I know my duty to my elders.

KATHERINA.
Of all your suitors here, I ask you to tell
Whom you love the most: don’t pretend otherwise.

BIANCA.
Trust me, sister, out of all the men out there
I've never seen a face
That I could imagine preferring over all the rest.

KATHERINA.
Servant, you're lying. Is it not Hortensio?

BIANCA.
If you have an effect on him, sister, I swear I’ll advocate for you myself, but you will have him.

KATHERINA.
Oh! So you probably think you value wealth more:
You want Gremio to keep you looking good.

BIANCA.
Is it because of him that you're so jealous of me?
No, you're just joking; and now I can see clearly
You've been teasing me all along:
Please, sister Kate, let me go.

KATHERINA.
If that's a joke, then everything else was too.

[Hits her.]

Enter Baptista.

BAPTISTA.
What’s going on here, lady! Where does this attitude come from?
Bianca, step aside. Poor girl! She’s crying.
Go work on your sewing; don’t get involved with her.
Shame on you, you who are possessed with a wicked spirit,
Why are you mistreating her when she has never harmed you?
When did she ever upset you with a harsh word?

KATHERINA.
Her silence challenges me, and I’ll get my revenge.

[Chases after Bianca.]

BAPTISTA.
What! In my view? Bianca, go inside.

[Exit Bianca.]

KATHERINA.
What! You won't let me be? Now I see
She is your precious one, she needs a husband;
I have to dance barefoot on her wedding day,
And, because you love her, I'll be leading apes in hell.
Don't talk to me: I'm going to sit and cry
Until I can find a chance for revenge.

[Leave.]

BAPTISTA.
Has any guy ever been this upset as I am?
But who’s coming here?

Enter Gremio, with Lucentio dressed like a lowly man; Petruchio, accompanied by Hortensio as a musician; and Tranio, with Biondello carrying a lute and books.

GREMIO.
Good morning, neighbor Baptista.

BAPTISTA.
Good morning, neighbor Gremio. God bless you, gentlemen!

PETRUCHIO.
And you, good sir! Please, do you have a daughter
Named Katherina, who is beautiful and virtuous?

BAPTISTA.
I have a daughter, sir, named Katherina.

GREMIO.
You're being too straightforward: approach it in an orderly way.

PETRUCHIO.
You're mistaken, Signor Gremio: let me explain.
I’m a gentleman from Verona, sir,
Who, upon hearing about her beauty and intelligence,
Her friendliness and shy modesty,
Her amazing qualities and gentle nature,
Dare to come as an eager guest
In your home, to see for myself
The praise I’ve heard so often.
And, as a way to start my visit,
I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine,

[Introducing Hortensio.]

Clever in music and math,
To teach her completely in those subjects,
I know she is already knowledgeable about.
Accept him, or else you do me a disservice:
His name is Licio, born in Mantua.

BAPTISTA.
You're welcome, sir, and so is he for your sake;
But about my daughter Katherine, I know this:
She's not the right match for you, much to my sorrow.

PETRUCHIO.
I can see you don’t plan to let her go;
Or maybe you just don’t enjoy my company.

BAPTISTA.
Don't get me wrong; I'm just saying what I see.
Where are you from, sir? What should I call you?

PETRUCHIO.
My name is Petruchio, and I’m Antonio’s son;
I’m a man who's well-known across all of Italy.

BAPTISTA.
I know him well: you're welcome because of him.

GREMIO.
Before you finish your story, Petruchio, please,
Let us, as humble petitioners, have our say too.
Back off! You're incredibly bold.

PETRUCHIO.
Oh, excuse me, Mr. Gremio; I’d really like to be busy.

GREMIO.
I'm sure of it, sir; but you'll regret your pursuit. Neighbor, this is a very appreciated gift, I'm certain of it. To show the same kind of kindness, I, who have always been more kind to you than anyone else, gladly give you this young scholar,

[Introducing Lucentio.]

that has been studying at Rheims for a long time; just as skilled in Greek, Latin, and other languages, as the other is in music and mathematics. His name is Cambio; please accept his service.

BAPTISTA.
A thousand thanks, Mr. Gremio; welcome, good Cambio. [To Tranio.] But, gentle sir, I think you walk like a stranger. May I be so bold as to ask the reason for your visit?

TRANIO.
Excuse me, sir, the boldness is all mine,
As a stranger in this city,
I take the liberty of asking for your daughter's hand,
For Bianca, who is lovely and virtuous.
I am aware of your strong preference
For your eldest daughter.
All I ask is this small favor,
That, once you learn about my background,
I may be welcomed among the others who are courting her,
And receive the same access and support as they do:
Additionally, for the education of your daughters,
I present a simple musical instrument,
And this small package of Greek and Latin books:
If you accept them, they will be quite valuable.

BAPTISTA.
So, Lucentio is your name. Where are you from, if I may ask?

TRANIO.
From Pisa, sir; I'm Vincentio's son.

BAPTISTA.
A powerful guy from Pisa: I've heard a lot about him,
I know him well: you’re very welcome, sir.
[To Hortensio.] You take the lute,
[To Lucentio.] and you grab the set of books;
You both will go see your students right away.
Hey, come here!

Enter a Servant.

Hey, take these gentlemen
To my daughters, and let them know
These are their teachers: tell them to treat them right.

[Exit Servant with Hortensio, Lucentio and Biondello.]

We’ll take a short walk in the orchard,
And then head to dinner. You’re more than welcome,
So I ask you to think of yourselves that way.

PETRUCHIO.
Mr. Baptista, I need to get things moving,
And I can't take forever to court her.
You knew my father well, and through him, me,
The only heir to all his lands and wealth,
Which I’ve increased rather than diminished:
So tell me, if I win your daughter’s love,
What dowry will I receive with her as my wife?

BAPTISTA.
After I die, half of my lands,
And I'm leaving twenty thousand crowns.

PETRUCHIO.
And for that dowry, I’ll guarantee her
Her widowhood, in case she outlives me,
In all my properties and leases.
Let’s make a formal agreement between us,
So that the terms can be honored by both sides.

BAPTISTA.
Yeah, when the important thing is finally achieved,
That is, her love; because that’s everything.

PETRUCHIO.
Why, that’s nothing; I’m just as stubborn as she is proud;
And when two raging fires come together,
They consume what feeds their anger:
Though a small fire can grow big with a little wind,
Extreme gusts will blow out the fire and everything;
So it is with me and her, and that’s how she gives in to me;
Because I’m tough and don’t court her like a child.

BAPTISTA.
You can certainly court her, and I hope you succeed!
But be prepared for some unpleasant words.

PETRUCHIO.
Yes, just like mountains stand firm against the winds,
They don't shake even when they're constantly blowing.

Re-enter Hortensio, with a broken head.

BAPTISTA.
Hey there, my friend! Why do you look so pale?

HORTENSIO.
I swear, if I look pale, it's definitely because I'm scared.

BAPTISTA.
What, will my daughter be a good musician?

HORTENSIO.
I think she’d be more likely to become a soldier:
Iron might work for her, but never musical instruments.

BAPTISTA.
So, you can't get her to play the lute?

HORTENSIO.
No way; she totally broke the lute on me.
I just told her she was pressing the wrong frets,
And tilted her hand to show her how to play;
When, with a really impatient and fiery attitude,
‘Frets, you call these?’ she said, ‘I’ll get mad at them’;
And with that, she hit me on the head,
And my head went right through the instrument;
I was just standing there, stunned for a bit,
Like I was on display, looking through the lute;
While she called me a worthless fiddler,
And twangling Jack, along with a bunch of other nasty names,
Like she had really practiced to insult me.

PETRUCHIO.
Wow, she's quite a fiery woman!
I love her ten times more than I ever did:
Oh! how I can't wait to have a talk with her!

BAPTISTA.
[To Hortensio.] Alright, come with me, and don’t be so discouraged;
Work on winning over my younger daughter;
She’s quick to learn and appreciates kind actions.
Mr. Petruchio, will you join us,
Or should I send my daughter Kate to you?

PETRUCHIO.
Please do.

[Exit Baptista, Gremio, Tranio and Hortensio.]

I’ll be here to meet her,
And charm her with some energy when she arrives.
If she insults me, I'll just tell her straight out
That she sings as sweetly as a nightingale:
If she frowns, I’ll say she looks as fresh
As morning roses just washed with dew:
If she stays silent and won’t say a word;
Then I’ll praise her eloquence,
And say she expresses herself with piercing clarity:
If she tells me to leave, I’ll thank her,
As if she’s asking me to stay for a week:
If she refuses to marry, I’ll ask for the day
When I can request the banns and when we can tie the knot.
But here she comes; so now, Petruchio, speak.

Enter Katherina.

Good morning, Kate; that's your name, I hear.

KATHERINA.
You’ve heard the news, but there’s something you might not know:
They call me Katherine when they talk about me.

PETRUCHIO.
You're lying, really, because you’re called plain Kate,
And pretty Kate, and sometimes Kate the shrew;
But, Kate, the cutest Kate in the whole world,
Kate of Kate Hall, my super special Kate,
Because all Kates are special, and so, Kate,
Hear this from me, Kate of my comfort;
Hearing your kindness praised in every town,
Your virtues mentioned, and your beauty noted,—
Yet not so deeply as it truly deserves,—
I’m moved to ask you to be my wife.

KATHERINA.
Moved! Just in time: let the one who brought you here
Take you away. I knew it from the start,
You were easy to read.

PETRUCHIO.
Why, what’s a movable?

KATHERINA.
A stool.

PETRUCHIO.
You got it: come, sit on me.

KATHERINA.
Donkeys are meant to carry heavy loads, and so are you.

PETRUCHIO.
Women are meant to endure, and so are you.

KATHERINA.
There's no one as wicked as you, if you're talking about me.

PETRUCHIO.
Oh no! good Kate, I won’t weigh you down;
Because I know you’re just young and carefree,—

KATHERINA.
Too light for someone like you to catch;
And yet as heavy as I should be.

Should be! Should buzz!

KATHERINA.
Well taken, and like a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO.
Oh, slow-winged turtle! Is a buzzard going to catch you?

KATHERINA.
Yeah, for a turtle, just like he catches a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO.
Come on, you wasp; honestly, you're too upset.

KATHERINA.
If I'm feisty, you'd better watch out for my sting.

PETRUCHIO.
So my solution is to just take it out.

KATHERINA.
Yeah, if the idiot could find it where it is.

PETRUCHIO.
Who doesn't know where a wasp keeps its sting?
In its tail.

KATHERINA.
In his language.

Whose mouth?

KATHERINA.
It's yours if we're talking about stories; so goodbye.

PETRUCHIO.
What! with my tongue in your business? No, let's try that again,
Good Kate; I'm a gentleman.

KATHERINA.
I'll give it a shot.

Hitting him.

PETRUCHIO.
I swear I’ll hit you if you strike again.

KATHERINA.
You might as well lose your arms:
If you hit me, you're not a gentleman;
And if you're not a gentleman, then you don't deserve your arms.

PETRUCHIO.
A herald, Kate? Oh! add me to your list.

KATHERINA.
What’s your emblem? A fool’s cap?

PETRUCHIO.
A cock without feathers, so Kate will be my hen.

KATHERINA.
Not my rooster; you crow like a coward.

PETRUCHIO.
Come on, Kate, don't look so grumpy.

KATHERINA.
It's my thing when I see a crab.

PETRUCHIO.
Why, there's no crab here, so don't look so sour.

KATHERINA.
Yes, there is.

PETRUCHIO.
Then show it to me.

KATHERINA.
If I had a glass, I would.

PETRUCHIO.
What, you mean my looks?

KATHERINA.
That's quite a good shot for someone so young.

PETRUCHIO.
Now, by Saint George, I'm way too young for you.

KATHERINA.
Yet you are withered.

PETRUCHIO.
It's with worries.

KATHERINA.
I don't care.

PETRUCHIO.
No, listen, Kate: honestly, you can't get away that easily.

KATHERINA.
I annoy you if I stay; let me go.

PETRUCHIO.
No, not at all; I find you really gentle.
I was told you were rough, shy, and moody,
And now I see that report is a total liar;
For you are pleasant, playful, and very courteous,
But slow to speak, yet sweet like spring flowers.
You can’t frown, you can’t give side looks,
Nor bite your lip like angry girls do,
Nor do you seem to enjoy being rude in conversation;
Instead, you greet your suitors with kindness;
With gentle conversation, soft and friendly.
Why does the world say that Kate has a limp?
Oh slanderous world! Kate, like the hazel twig,
Is straight and slender, and as brown in color
As hazelnuts, and sweeter than the kernels.
Oh! let me see you walk: you do not limp.

KATHERINA.
Go on, fool, and do what you're told.

PETRUCHIO.
Has any goddess ever looked so right in a grove
As Kate does in this room with her royal walk?
Oh! be you Diana, and let her be Kate,
And then let Kate be pure, and Diana playful!

KATHERINA.
Where did you learn all this fancy talk?

PETRUCHIO.
It's off the cuff, straight from my own thinking.

KATHERINA.
A clever mother! Otherwise, her son would be clueless.

PETRUCHIO.
Am I not clever?

KATHERINA.
Yes; stay warm.

PETRUCHIO.
Well, I mean it, sweet Katherine, right in your bed;
So, putting all this talking aside,
Let me be clear: your father has agreed
That you will be my wife, and your dowry is settled;
And whether you want to or not, I will marry you.
Now, Kate, I am the husband for you;
Because, by this light that shows me your beauty,—
Your beauty that makes me like you a lot,—
You must marry no one but me;
For I am the one destined to tame you, Kate,
And turn you from a wild Kate into a Kate
That fits in just like other household Kates.

Re-enter Baptista, Gremio and Tranio.

Here comes your dad. Don't deny it;
I have to and will marry Katherine.

BAPTISTA.
So, Mr. Petruchio, how are things going with my daughter?

PETRUCHIO.
How could I not be doing well, sir? How could I not be doing well?
It’s impossible for things to go wrong for me.

BAPTISTA.
What’s going on, daughter Katherine? Why are you looking so upset?

KATHERINA.
You’re calling me your daughter? I promise you
You’ve shown a caring fatherly concern
To want me married to a half-crazy guy,
A wild troublemaker and a foul-mouthed man,
Who thinks he can handle everything with curses.

PETRUCHIO.
Father, here’s the thing: you and everyone else
Who talked about her have got it all wrong:
If she seems harsh, it’s just a strategy,
Because she’s not difficult, but gentle like a dove;
She’s not aggressive, but calm like the morning;
For patience, she’ll be a second Griselda,
And like Roman Lucretia for her purity;
And to wrap it up, we’ve agreed so well together
That our wedding is set for Sunday.

KATHERINA.
I'll see you hanged on Sunday first.

GREMIO.
Listen, Petruchio; she says she’d rather see you hanged first.

TRANIO.
Is this your hurry? Well then, goodnight from us!

PETRUCHIO.
Be patient, gentlemen. I’ve chosen her for myself;
If she and I are happy, what’s that to you?
It’s something agreed between us, just the two of us,
That she will still be difficult around others.
I tell you, it’s hard to believe
How much she loves me: Oh! the sweetest Kate
She clung to my neck, showering me with kisses,
She competed with kisses, swearing oath after oath,
That in no time at all, she won me over.
Oh! you are amateurs: it’s amazing to see,
How tamed a coward can make the meanest shrew,
When they are alone together.
Give me your hand, Kate; I’m going to Venice,
To buy clothes for the wedding day.
Prepare the feast, father, and invite the guests;
I’ll make sure my Katherine looks stunning.

BAPTISTA.
I don't know what to say; just give me your hands.
May God bring you happiness, Petruchio! It’s a deal.

GREMIO, TRANIO.
Amen, we say; we will be witnesses.

PETRUCHIO.
Father, wife, and gentlemen, goodbye.
I’m heading to Venice; Sunday is coming quickly;
We’ll get rings and other nice things;
And kiss me, Kate; we’ll get married on Sunday.

[Exit Petruchio and Katherina, separately.]

GREMIO.
Has any match ever been set up so quickly?

BAPTISTA.
Honestly, guys, now I’m acting like a merchant,
And taking a huge risk in a crazy market.

TRANIO.
It was something valuable sitting unused by you;
It will either bring you profit or be lost at sea.

BAPTISTA.
What I want is a peaceful outcome in the match.

GREMIO.
There's no doubt he has a quiet advantage.
But now, Baptista, let’s talk about your younger daughter:
Today is the day we've been waiting for;
I’m your neighbor and was the first to court her.

TRANIO.
And I’m someone who loves Bianca more
Than words can express or your thoughts can imagine.

GREMIO.
Kid, you can't love as deeply as I do.

TRANIO.
Old man, your love is cold.

GREMIO.
But yours is burning up.
Captain, step aside; it's age that feeds.

TRANIO.
But youth shines bright in the eyes of women.

BAPTISTA.
Calm down, gentlemen; I’ll settle this argument:
It’s actions that win rewards, and whoever
Can guarantee my daughter the best dowry
Will have my Bianca’s love.
So, Signior Gremio, what can you offer her?

GREMIO.
First, as you know, my house in the city
Is filled with beautiful dishes and gold:
Basins and pitchers to wash her delicate hands;
My walls are adorned with rich tapestry;
In ivory chests, I’ve stored my crowns;
In cypress boxes, my detailed fabrics,
Expensive clothes, tents, and canopies,
Soft linen, Turkish cushions studded with pearls,
A valance of Venetian gold in embroidery;
Pewter and brass, and everything that’s needed
For a home or household: then, at my farm
I have a hundred milking cows,
Two hundred fat oxen in my stalls,
And all things that match this wealth.
I admit that I’m getting old;
And if I die tomorrow, this will belong to her,
If while I live, she will be solely mine.

TRANIO.
That "only" worked out well. Sir, listen to me:
I am my father's heir and only son;
If I can have your daughter as my wife,
I’ll give her three or four houses as nice
Within the wealthy walls of Pisa as anyone
Old Signior Gremio has in Padua;
Plus two thousand ducats a year
From productive land, all of which will be her dowry.
What, did I upset you, Signior Gremio?

GREMIO.
Two thousand ducats a year for land!
My land isn't worth that much in total:
She'll get that, along with a trade ship
That's currently docked in the bay of Marseilles.
What, did I overwhelm you with a trade ship?

TRANIO.
Gremio, it’s known that my dad has at least
Three huge ships, along with two large galleons,
And twelve sleek galleys; I will guarantee her,
And twice as much, whatever you offer next.

GREMIO.
No, I've given everything; I have nothing left;
And she can't have more than what I have;
If you choose me, she will have me and everything I own.

TRANIO.
Well then, the girl is mine from everyone else,
Thanks to your solid promise; Gremio is outdone.

BAPTISTA.
I have to admit your proposal is the best;
And let your father give her the guarantee,
She is yours; otherwise, you’ll need to excuse me;
If you were to die before him, what would happen to her dowry?

TRANIO.
That's just a quibble; he's old, and I'm young.

GREMIO.
And can’t young men die just like old men?

BAPTISTA.
Alright, gentlemen,
I’ve made up my mind. Next Sunday, as you know,
My daughter Katherine is getting married;
Then, the Sunday after that, Bianca
Will be your bride, if you both guarantee it;
If not, she will marry Signior Gremio.
And with that, I’ll take my leave and thank you both.

GREMIO.
Goodbye, good neighbor.

[Exit Baptista.]

Now, I’m not afraid of you:
Hey there, young gambler, your father was a fool
To give you everything, and in his old age
Let you have control over his life. Nonsense!
An old Italian schemer isn’t so generous, my boy.

[Leave.]

TRANIO.
Curse your sneaky, old hide!
But I’ve managed it with a ten-card hand.
I’m planning to help my master:
I see no reason why the supposed Lucentio
Shouldn’t have a father named supposed Vincentio;
And that’s surprising: fathers usually
Have their own children; but in this case of wooing
A child will get a father, if I don’t mess up my scheme.

[Leave.]

Enter Lucentio, Hortensio and Bianca.

LUCENTIO.
Fiddler, hold on; you're getting a bit too eager, man.
Have you already forgotten how her sister Katherine welcomed you?

HORTENSIO.
But, arguing teacher, this is
The patron of heavenly harmony:
So let me have the privilege;
And when we've spent an hour on music,
Your lecture can take as long.

LUCENTIO.
What a ridiculous fool, who has never read enough
To understand why music was created!
Was it not to uplift the human spirit
After long studies or daily struggles?
Then let me take time to study philosophy,
And while I reflect, let me enjoy your music.

HORTENSIO.
Dude, I can't put up with your bravado anymore.

BIANCA.
Why, gentlemen, you're doing me a double injustice,
Trying to fight for something that's up to me to decide.
I'm not some schoolboy in the classroom,
I won’t be restricted to schedules or set times,
But I’ll learn my lessons whenever I want.
And, to end all arguments, let’s sit down;
You take your instrument and play while you wait;
His lecture will be over before you've finished tuning.

HORTENSIO.
You'll leave his lecture when I'm in sync?

Retires.

LUCENTIO.
That will never happen: tune your instrument.

BIANCA.
Where did we leave off?

LUCENTIO.
Here, madam:—
The Simois flowed here; this is the land of Sigeia;
Here stood the great palace of old King Priam.

BIANCA.
Interpret them.

LUCENTIO.
Here I go, as I mentioned before, Simois, I am Lucentio, here I am, the son of Vincentio from Pisa, the Sigeian land, disguised like this to win your love, Here he stood, and that Lucentio who's here to court, Priam’s, is my servant Tranio, the royal, taking my place, the old man's height, so we can outsmart the old fool.

HORTENSIO. [Returning.]
Ma'am, my instrument is tuned and ready.

BIANCA.
Let's listen.

[Hortensio performs.]

Oh no! The high notes clash.

LUCENTIO.
Spit in the hole, dude, and try again.

BIANCA.
Now let me see if I can understand this: Hic ibat Simois, I don't know you; hic est Sigeia tellus, I don't trust you; Hic steterat Priami, be careful he doesn't hear us; regia, don't assume; celsa senis, don't lose hope.

HORTENSIO.
Ma'am, it’s in tune now.

LUCENTIO.
Everyone except the lowly.

HORTENSIO.
The foundation is solid; it’s the worthless fool that causes the trouble.
[Aside] How hot-headed and eager our teacher is!
Now, for my sake, the fool is trying to win my affection:
Pedascule, I’ll keep a closer eye on you.

BIANCA.
Eventually, I might believe, but I’m skeptical.

LUCENTIO.
Don’t doubt it; because, for sure, Æacides
Was Ajax, named after his grandfather.

BIANCA.
I have to trust my master; otherwise, I assure you,
I would still be debating that uncertainty;
But let it go. Now, Licio, it's your turn.
Good master, please don't take it the wrong way,
That I've been this playful with you both.

HORTENSIO.
[To Lucentio] You can go ahead and take a walk for a bit;
My lessons just don’t flow well in three parts.

LUCENTIO.
Are you really that serious, sir? Well, I guess I'll have to wait,
[Aside] And keep an eye on things; because, unless I'm wrong,
Our talented musician is getting a bit romantic.

HORTENSIO.
Ma'am, before you play the instrument,
To get the hang of my fingering,
I need to start with the basics;
To teach you the scale in a simpler way,
More enjoyable, concise, and effective,
Than anyone else in my field has done:
And here it is in writing, nicely laid out.

BIANCA.
Well, I've gone way beyond my limits a long time ago.

HORTENSIO.
But still, read Hortensio's music scale.

BIANCA.
Gamut I am, the base of all harmony,
A re, to support Hortensio’s feelings;
B mi, Bianca, take him as your lord,
C fa ut, who loves with all his heart:
D sol re, one scale, two notes have I
E la mi, show some mercy or I’ll perish.
You call this a scale? Ugh, I don't like it:
Old ways please me most; I’m not so picky,
To change genuine rules for strange ideas.

Enter a Servant.

SERVANT.
Mistress, your father asks you to put down your books,
And help decorate your sister’s room:
You know tomorrow is the wedding day.

BIANCA.
Goodbye, dear friends, both: I have to leave.

[Exit Bianca and Servant.]

LUCENTIO.
Honestly, miss, then I have no reason to stick around.

[Log out.]

HORTENSIO.
But I have a reason to check out this teacher:
He seems like he's in love.
But if your thoughts, Bianca, are so low
That you look around at every random guy,
Then just take your pick: if I catch you wandering,
Hortensio will get even by switching things up.

[Log out.]

Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio, Katherina, Bianca, Lucentio and Staff.

BAPTISTA. [To Tranio.]
Mr. Lucentio, today is the big day
When Katherine and Petruchio are supposed to get married,
And yet we haven’t heard anything from our son-in-law.
What will people say? What a joke it will be
To have no groom when the priest is here
To perform the wedding ceremony!
What does Lucentio think about this embarrassment?

KATHERINA.
No shame but mine; I must, for sure, be forced
To give my hand, against my heart,
To a crazy jerk, full of anger;
Who rushed to woo and plans to marry at his own pace.
I told you, he’s a wild fool,
Hiding his cruel jokes behind blunt behavior;
And to be seen as a fun guy,
He'll court a thousand, set the date for marriage,
Make friends, invite people, and announce the plans;
Yet he never actually intends to marry where he has wooed.
Now the world must point at poor Katherine,
And say ‘Look! There is mad Petruchio’s wife,
If he’d just come and marry her.’

TRANIO.
Hang in there, good Katherine, and you too, Baptista.
I swear, Petruchio means well,
No matter what happens that keeps him from his promise:
Even if he's rough around the edges, I know he's very wise;
Even if he's cheerful, he's still honest.

KATHERINA.
I wish Katherine had never seen him!

[Exit crying, followed by Bianca and others.]

BAPTISTA.
Go on, girl, I can't blame you for crying now,
Because such an injury would upset even a saint;
Let alone a hot-tempered person like you.

Enter Biondello.

Master, master! I have news! Old news, and it's news you've never heard before!

BAPTISTA.
Is it both new and old? How can that be?

BIONDELLO.
Why, isn’t it news to hear that Petruchio is coming?

BAPTISTA.
Has he arrived?

BIONDELLO.
No, sir.

BAPTISTA.
What's next?

BIONDELLO.
He's coming.

BAPTISTA.
When's he arriving?

BIONDELLO.
When he's standing where I am and sees you there.

TRANIO.
But tell me, what about your old news?

BIONDELLO.
Well, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jacket; a pair of old pants that have been turned inside out three times; a pair of boots that used to be candle covers, one buckled and the other laced; an old rusty sword taken from the town armory, with a broken hilt and no guard; with two broken points: his horse is hobbled with an old moth-eaten saddle and mismatched stirrups; also, it has glanders and is likely to get pneumonia; it’s troubled with lampas, infected with disease, full of windgalls, suffering from spavins, showing signs of jaundice, beyond help for the fives, completely ruined with stagger, afflicted with bots, swayed in the back, and shot through the shoulder; it has short legs in front, with a half-check bridle, and a headstall made of sheepskin, which, when tightened to prevent him from stumbling, has often burst and is now tied together with knots; one girth patched up six times, and a woman’s crupper made of velvet, which has her initials nicely set in studs and is patched here and there with thread.

BAPTISTA.
Who’s coming with him?

BIONDELLO.
Oh, sir! His servant looks like a horse, dressed in a linen sock on one leg and a wool boot on the other, held up by a red and blue garter; wearing an old hat with a bunch of crazy ideas stuck in it for a feather: a real sight, a total spectacle in his clothes, definitely not like any ordinary footman or gentleman's servant.

TRANIO.
It’s some strange mood that’s got him acting this way;
Yet a lot of the time he dresses quite poorly.

BAPTISTA.
I’m glad he’s here, no matter how he got here.

BIONDELLO.
Why, sir, he's not coming.

BAPTISTA.
Didn't you say he's coming?

BIONDELLO.
Who? Is that Petruchio?

BAPTISTA.
Yeah, Petruchio showed up.

BIONDELLO.
No, sir; I'm saying his horse is coming, with him on it.

BAPTISTA.
Whatever.

BIONDELLO.
No, by Saint Jamy,
I bet you a penny,
A horse and a man
Are more than one,
Yet still not many.

Enter Petruchio and Grumio.

PETRUCHIO.
Come on, where are these guys? Who's home?

BAPTISTA.
You’re welcome, sir.

PETRUCHIO.
And still, I'm not doing great.

BAPTISTA.
And yet you don't stop.

TRANIO.
Not dressed as well as I'd like you to be.

PETRUCHIO.
If it were better, I wouldn't barged in like this.
But where's Kate? Where's my beautiful bride?
How's my father? Folks, you look a bit serious;
And why is this nice group staring,
As if they’re seeing some amazing monument,
Some comet or strange phenomenon?

BAPTISTA.
Well, sir, you know today is your wedding day:
At first, we were worried you wouldn’t show up;
Now we’re even more worried that you’ve come so unprepared.
Come on! Take off that outfit, it’s embarrassing for your status,
An eyesore at our serious celebration.

TRANIO.
And tell us what important reason
Has kept you away from your wife for so long,
And brought you here acting so differently?

PETRUCHIO.
It would be boring to explain and tough to listen to;
It's enough to say I'm here to keep my promise,
Though I have to stray off topic a bit;
I'll explain that better when I have more time,
So that you’ll be satisfied with my reasons.
But where is Kate? I'm taking too long away from her;
The morning is passing, it’s time for us to go to church.

TRANIO.
Don’t let your bride see you in these disrespectful clothes;
Go to my room and put on my clothes.

PETRUCHIO.
Not me, believe me: this is how I’ll see her.

BAPTISTA.
But I really hope you won't marry her.

PETRUCHIO.
Honestly, it’s just like this; so let’s stop with the words;
She’s married to me, not my clothes.
If I could fix what she thinks of me
As easily as I can change these shabby outfits,
It would be good for Kate and better for me.
But what a fool I am to talk to you
When I should say good morning to my bride,
And seal the deal with a sweet kiss!

[Exit Petruchio, Grumio and Biondello.]

TRANIO.
He has some reason behind his crazy outfit.
We’ll try to convince him, if we can,
To wear something better before he goes to church.

BAPTISTA.
I’ll go after him and see how this turns out.

[Exit Baptista, Gremio and Attendants.]

TRANIO.
But, sir, to love we need to consider
Her father’s approval; to make that happen,
As I mentioned before, I need to find someone—
It doesn’t really matter who he is; we’ll make him fit our purpose—
And he will be Vincentio of Pisa,
And secure funds here in Padua,
For more money than I’ve promised.
Then you can peacefully embrace your hopes,
And marry sweet Bianca with her father’s consent.

LUCENTIO.
If it weren't for my fellow teacher
Keeping such a close eye on Bianca,
I think it would be a good idea to elope;
Once that's done, let the whole world disagree,
I’ll hold onto my own happiness no matter what anyone says.

TRANIO.
We plan to examine this little by little,
And keep an eye on our advantage in this situation.
We’ll outsmart the old man, Gremio,
The overly curious father, Minola,
The quirky musician, love-struck Licio;
All for my master’s benefit, Lucentio.

Re-enter Gremio.

Signior Gremio, did you come from the church?

GREMIO.
As eagerly as I ever left school.

TRANIO.
Are the bride and groom coming home?

GREMIO.
A groom, you say? He’s definitely a groom,
A complaining groom, and the girl will see that.

TRANIO.
Meaner than she? No way, that's impossible.

GREMIO.
He's a devil, a devil, a total fiend.

TRANIO.
Why, she’s a real piece of work, a complete nightmare, the worst kind of trouble.

GREMIO.
Tut! she's just a sweet girl, a gentle soul, a naive one, to him.
Let me tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Was supposed to ask if Katherine would be his wife,
“Aye, by God!” he shouted so loudly
That the startled priest dropped the book;
And as he bent down to pick it up,
The crazy groom gave him such a smack
That both the priest and the book fell to the ground,
“Now pick them up,” he said, “if anyone wants to.”

TRANIO.
What did the girl say when he got up again?

GREMIO.
He quaked and trembled, wondering why, as he stomped and swore
Like the vicar was trying to trick him.
But after many formalities were done,
He called for wine: 'Cheers!' he said, as if
He'd just been out, drinking with his buddies
After a storm; he downed the muscadel,
Then tossed the bread into the sexton’s face,
Having no other reason
Except that his beard was thinning and looked hungry
As if it was asking for bread while he drank.
Once that was done, he pulled the bride close,
And kissed her with such a loud smack
That it echoed throughout the church.
And I, witnessing this, walked away in shame;
And after me, I know, the crowd is coming.
Such a wild wedding has never happened before.
Listen, listen! I hear the musicians playing.

[Music is playing.]

Enter Petruchio, Katherina, Bianca, Baptista, Hortensio, Grumio and Train.

PETRUCHIO.
Guys and friends, I appreciate all your efforts:
I know you plan to have dinner with me today,
And I've prepared a lot of wedding treats,
But the thing is, I’ve got to leave in a hurry,
So I’m going to say goodbye now.

BAPTISTA.
Is it really possible that you're leaving tonight?

PETRUCHIO.
I have to leave today before night falls.
Don’t be surprised: if you knew why I was leaving,
You would probably want me to go instead of stay.
And to my good friends, I appreciate you all,
For witnessing me commit myself
To this incredibly patient, kind, and virtuous wife.
Join my father for dinner, raise a toast to me.
Because I have to go; goodbye to you all.

TRANIO.
Please stay with us until after dinner.

PETRUCHIO.
Maybe it won't be.

GREMIO.
Let me urge you.

PETRUCHIO.
It can't be.

KATHERINA.
Please, let me urge you.

I’m good.

KATHERINA.
Are you happy to stay?

PETRUCHIO.
I'm fine with you asking me to stay;
But even so, don’t stay, just ask me however you want.

KATHERINA.
If you love me, please stay.

PETRUCHIO.
Grumio, my ride!

GRUMIO.
Yeah, sir, they’re ready; the horses have eaten the oats.

KATHERINA.
Well, then,
Do what you want, I won't leave today;
No, not tomorrow, not until I'm ready.
The door is open, sir; that’s your way out;
You can go ahead while your boots are still clean;
As for me, I’m not leaving until I’m satisfied.
It seems you’ll turn out to be a cheerful, grumpy groom
To take it on yourself so bluntly at first.

PETRUCHIO.
Oh Kate! calm down: please don’t be mad.

KATHERINA.
I’m going to be angry: what do you want?
Dad, calm down; he can keep me company.

GREMIO.
Oh man, here we go.

KATHERINA.
Gentlemen, let’s head to the wedding dinner:
I see a woman can be made a fool,
If she doesn’t have the strength to stand up for herself.

PETRUCHIO.
They will go ahead, Kate, under your command.
Obey the bride, you all who are with her;
Go to the party, have fun and take charge,
Drink deeply to celebrate her maidenhood,
Be wild and joyful, or go hang yourselves:
But for my lovely Kate, she must come with me.
Now, don’t scowl, stomp, glare, or worry;
I will be in charge of what is mine.
She is my property, my possessions; she is my home,
My household items, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my donkey, my everything;
And here she stands, touch her if you dare;
I’ll take action against the proudest guy
Who gets in my way in Padua. Grumio,
Get your weapon out; we are surrounded by thieves;
Protect your mistress, if you are a man.
Don’t worry, sweet girl; they won’t touch you, Kate;
I’ll protect you against a million.

[Exit Petruchio, Katherina and Grumio.]

BAPTISTA.
No, let them go, a couple of calm ones.

GREMIO.
If they don't hurry, I'm going to die laughing.

TRANIO.
Of all the crazy matches, nothing has ever been like this.

LUCENTIO.
Hey, what do you think about your sister?

BIANCA.
That, being crazy herself, she’s wildly paired.

GREMIO.
I guarantee you, Petruchio is crazy.

BAPTISTA.
Neighbors and friends, even though the bride and groom are missing
Some people to fill the seats at the table,
You know there won’t be any celebrations at the feast.
Lucentio, you’ll take the groom’s spot;
And let Bianca take her sister’s seat.

TRANIO.
Will sweet Bianca practice how to be a bride?

BAPTISTA.
She will, Lucentio. Come on, guys, let’s go.

[They leave.]

Enter Grumio.

GRUMIO.
Ugh, what a day! Tired horses, crazy bosses, and awful paths! Has any man ever been beaten like this? Has any man ever been so worn out? I'm sent ahead to start a fire while they show up later to warm themselves. Honestly, if I weren't a short guy who heats up quickly, my lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, and my heart in my belly before I find a fire to warm me up. But I'll warm myself by blowing on the fire; considering this weather, even a taller guy than me would get cold. Hey, Curtis!

Enter Curtis.

CURTIS.
Who's that calling so harshly?

GRUMIO.
A chunk of ice: if you doubt it, you could slide from my shoulder to my heel with no more of a run than just my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis.

CURTIS.
Are my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

GRUMIO.
Oh, yes! Curtis, yes; and that’s why fire, fire; don’t throw on any water.

CURTIS.
Is she really as much of a hot-tempered nag as they say?

GRUMIO.
She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but you know winter calms man, woman, and beast; for it has tamed my old master, my new mistress, and me, fellow Curtis.

CURTIS.
Get lost, you three-inch fool! I'm no animal.

GRUMIO.
Am I only three inches? Well, your horn is a foot; so I'm at least that long. But are you going to make a fire, or should I tell our mistress on you? She's right here, and you'll soon understand her hand, to your cold comfort, for being slow in doing your hot job?

CURTIS.
Please, good Grumio, tell me, how's everything going?

GRUMIO.
It's a cold world, Curtis, in every place except yours; and that’s why we need a fire. Do your job, and you’ll keep your job, because my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.

CURTIS.
There's a fire ready; so, good Grumio, what's the news?

GRUMIO.
Why, ‘Hey, kid! Come here, kid!’ and as much news as you want.

CURTIS.
Come on, you’re always full of tricks.

GRUMIO.
Why, then, it’s cold; I’m freezing here. Where’s the cook? Is dinner ready, is the house decorated, are the rushes spread out, the cobwebs cleaned, the servants in their new outfits, their white stockings, and everyone in their best clothes? Are the guys looking good inside, the girls looking good outside, the carpets laid out, and everything set up properly?

CURTIS.
All set; so please, tell me the news.

GRUMIO.
First, just so you know, my horse is tired; my master and mistress have had a fight.

CURTIS.
How?

GRUMIO.
Out of their saddles and into the dirt; and that’s a whole story.

CURTIS.
Let’s hurry, good Grumio.

Grumio.
Listen up.

CURTIS.
Here.

GRUMIO.
[Striking him.] Done.

CURTIS.
This is what it feels like to experience a story, not just to listen to one.

GRUMIO.
And that’s why it’s called a sensible story; and this slap was just to grab your attention and ask you to listen. Now I start: First of all, we came down a dirty hill, my master riding behind my mistress,—

CURTIS.
Both for one horse?

GRUMIO.
What's that to you?

CURTIS.
Why, a horse.

GRUMIO.
Tell the story: but if you hadn’t interfered, you would have heard how her horse fell, and she ended up underneath it; you would have heard how muddy it was, how she got all dirty; how he left her with the horse on top of her; how he hit me because her horse stumbled; how she trudged through the mud to get him off me; how he swore; how she begged, for the first time ever; how I was screaming; how the horses ran away; how her bridle broke; how I lost my saddle; with many memorable things, which now will be forgotten, and you’ll go back to your grave knowing nothing.

CURTIS.
By this measure, he’s more of a shrew than she is.

GRUMIO.
Yeah, and you all will discover that when he gets back. But why am I talking about this? Bring out Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the others; make sure their hair is neatly combed, their blue coats are brushed, and their garters are tied decently; let them curtsy with their left legs, and they better not even think about touching my master’s horse's tail until they’ve kissed their hands. Are they all set?

They are.

GRUMIO.
Bring them in.

CURTIS.
Do you hear? Hey! You need to meet my boss to check out my lady.

GRUMIO.
Well, she has her own face.

CURTIS.
Who doesn't know that?

GRUMIO.
You, it seems, are calling for someone to support her.

CURTIS.
I summon them to give her credit.

GRUMIO.
Well, she's not coming to borrow anything from them.

Enter four or five Servants.

NATHANIEL.
Welcome back, Grumio!

PHILIP.
What's up, Grumio!

JOSEPH.
What, Grumio?

NICHOLAS.
Hey Grumio!

NATHANIEL.
What's up, old friend!

GRUMIO.
Welcome! How's it going? What’s up, my friend? That's enough for a greeting. Now, my stylish buddies, is everything ready and in order?

NATHANIEL.
Everything is ready. How close is our master?

GRUMIO.
Right here, just got off this; so don’t be—
For goodness' sake, quiet! I hear my boss.

Enter Petruchio and Katherina.

PETRUCHIO.
Where are these guys? What! No one at the door
To hold my stirrup or take my horse?
Where is Nathaniel, Gregory, Philip?—

ALL SERVANTS.
Right here, sir; right here, sir.

PETRUCHIO.
Hey, you there! You there! You there! You there!
You thick-headed and rude servants!
What, no one here? No respect? No responsibility?
Where's that silly guy I sent ahead?

GRUMIO.
Here, sir; just as foolish as I was before.

PETRUCHIO.
You peasant! You worthless laborer!
Didn’t I tell you to meet me in the park,
And bring those useless guys along with you?

GRUMIO.
Nathaniel’s coat, sir, wasn’t completely finished,
And Gabriel’s shoes weren’t dyed at the heels;
There was no ribbon to match Peter’s hat,
And Walter’s dagger hadn’t come out of its sheath;
Only Adam, Ralph, and Gregory looked nice;
The others were tattered, old, and shabby;
But still, here they come to meet you.

PETRUCHIO.
Go on, you guys, and bring in my dinner.

[Some of the Servants exit.]

Where is the life I used to live?
Where are those—? Sit down, Kate, and make yourself at home.
Food, food, food, food!

Re-enter Servants with dinner.

Why, when I ask?—Come on, sweet Kate, let's be happy.—
Take off my boots, you tricksters! you scoundrels! when?
It was the friar in grey robes,
As he walked along his way:
Get off, you rascal! you're pulling my foot wrong:

[Hits him.]

Take that and fix the other one.
Cheer up, Kate. Some water, please; hey!
Where’s my spaniel Troilus? You there, go away
And ask my cousin Ferdinand to come here:

[Exit Servant.]

One, Kate, that you must kiss and get to know.
Where are my slippers? Can I get some water?
Come on, Kate, wash up, and let's have a warm welcome.—

Servant drops the ewer. Petruchio hits him.

You scoundrel! Are you going to let it drop?

KATHERINA.
Please be patient; it was an unintentional mistake.

PETRUCHIO.
A bastard, big-headed, floppy-eared fool!
Come on, Kate, sit down; I know you’re hungry.
Will you say thanks, sweet Kate, or should I?—
What’s this? Mutton?

Sure.

PETRUCHIO.
Who brought this?

PETER.
Me.

PETRUCHIO.
It’s burnt; and so is all the meat.
What kind of dogs are these! Where is that stupid cook?
How dare you, you fools, bring it from the table,
And serve it to me when I can’t stand it?

[Throws the meat, etc., at them.]

Here, take it, plates, cups, and everything.
You careless fools and rude servants!
What? Are you complaining? I'll be there shortly.

KATHERINA.
Please, husband, don’t be so upset;
The meal was good, if you were happy with it.

PETRUCHIO.
I’m telling you, Kate, it’s burnt and dried out,
And I’m specifically told not to touch it;
Because it causes anger and stirs up rage;
And it’s better if we both skip eating,
Since we can get worked up ourselves,
Than to fuel it with such overcooked meat.
Just be patient; it’ll be fixed tomorrow.
And for tonight, we’ll skip dinner together:
Come, I’ll take you to your bridal chamber.

[Exit Petruchio, Katherina and Curtis.]

NATHANIEL.
Peter, have you ever seen anything like this?

PETER.
He takes her out in her own joking way.

Re-enter Curtis.

GRUMIO.
Where is he?

CURTIS.
In her room, lecturing her on staying single;
And shouting, and cursing, and criticizing, so that she, poor thing,
Has no idea how to stand, look, or speak,
And sits there like someone just waking up from a dream.
Go, go! because he is coming here.

[Exit.]

Re-enter Petruchio.

PETRUCHIO.
So far, I’ve cleverly started my reign,
And I hope to wrap it up successfully.
My falcon is sharp but completely empty.
And until she stoops, she can't be overfed,
Because then she won’t look at her lure.
I have another way to tame my wild bird,
To get her to come and recognize her keeper’s call,
That is, to watch her, like we watch these kites
That swoop and flap but won't obey.
She ate no food today, and she won’t eat tonight;
Last night she didn’t sleep, and she won’t sleep tonight;
With the food, I’ll find some fault
About the way the bed is made;
And here I’ll throw the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the blanket, another way the sheets;
Yes, and in the middle of this chaos, I plan
To show it’s all done with her best interests at heart;
And in the end, she’ll be awake all night:
And if she happens to doze off, I’ll yell and shout,
And with all the noise, keep her awake.
This is a way to smother a wife with kindness;
And this is how I’ll rein in her wild and stubborn spirit.
If anyone knows a better way to tame a shrew,
Now please speak up; it’s only fair to share.

[Log out.]

Enter Tranio and Hortensio.

TRANIO.
Is it possible, friend Licio, that Mistress Bianca
likes anyone other than Lucentio?
I tell you, sir, she shows me great interest.

HORTENSIO.
Sir, to prove my point,
Just watch how he teaches.

They step aside.

Enter Bianca and Lucentio.

LUCENTIO.
So, lady, do you gain anything from what you read?

BIANCA.
What are you reading, master? First, tell me that.

LUCENTIO.
I read what I claim to teach, The Art of Love.

BIANCA.
And may you show, sir, that you're the master of your craft!

LUCENTIO.
While you, my sweet, are the queen of my heart.

They are retiring.

HORTENSIO.
Quick, let's get to it! Now tell me, please,
You who dared to swear that your Mistress Bianca
Loved no one in the world as much as Lucentio.

TRANIO.
Oh, cruel love! Unreliable women!
I’m telling you, Licio, this is amazing.

HORTENSIO.
Don't get it twisted; I'm not Licio.
I'm not really a musician, like I appear;
But someone who refuses to live in this disguise
For someone who betrays a gentleman
And makes a fool out of such a scoundrel:
Just so you know, sir, I'm called Hortensio.

TRANIO.
Mr. Hortensio, I've often heard
About your deep feelings for Bianca;
And since I’ve seen how she behaves,
I’ll join you, if you’re willing,
In swearing off Bianca and her love for good.

HORTENSIO.
Look how they kiss and flirt! Signior Lucentio,
Here’s my hand, and I swear right here
I will never pursue her again, but I reject her,
As someone unworthy of all the affection
That I have foolishly given her.

TRANIO.
And here I make the same sincere promise,
Never to marry her even if she begs;
Ugh! Look at how disgustingly she's trying to win him over!

HORTENSIO.
If only everyone else would totally give up on love!
As for me, to keep my promise,
I'm going to marry a rich widow
Within three days, who has loved me
As long as I've loved this proud, disdainful woman.
So, goodbye, Signior Lucentio.
It’s kindness in women, not their pretty faces,
That will earn my love; and so I take my leave,
Determined as I promised before.

[Exit Hortensio. Lucentio and Bianca move forward.]

TRANIO.
Mistress Bianca, may you be blessed with such grace
As belongs to a lover’s fortunate situation!
No, I've caught you off guard, dear love,
And I've sworn you off with Hortensio.

BIANCA.
Tranio, you're joking; but have you both sworn to betray me?

TRANIO.
We have, Mistress.

LUCENTIO.
Then we're finished with Licio.

TRANIO.
Honestly, he’ll have a lively widow now,
Who will be courted and married in a day.

BIANCA.
May God give him joy!

TRANIO.
Yeah, and he'll tame her.

BIANCA.
He says that, Tranio.

TRANIO.
Honestly, he's gone off to the training school.

BIANCA.
The taming school? Wait, is that actually a thing?

TRANIO.
Yes, ma'am; and Petruchio is the boss,
Who teaches tricks that go on for ages,
To tame a nagging woman and quiet her endless chatter.

Enter Biondello, running in.

BIONDELLO.
Oh master, master! I've been watching for so long
That I'm completely exhausted; but finally I spotted
An old angel coming down the hill
That will do the trick.

TRANIO.
What’s he like, Biondello?

BIONDELLO.
Master, a merchant or a con artist,
I’m not sure which; but dressed up for sure,
In walk and appearance definitely like a father.

LUCENTIO.
And what about him, Tranio?

TRANIO.
If he believes me and trusts my story,
I’ll make him happy to act like Vincentio,
And give Baptista Minola the assurance,
As if he were the real Vincentio.
You handle your love, and then let me be.

[Lucentio and Bianca exit.]

Enter a Know-it-all.

PEDANT.
God bless you, sir!

TRANIO.
And you, sir! Welcome.
Have you traveled far, or are you at your destination?

PEDANT.
Sir, at most for a week or two;
But then I’ll go farther, all the way to Rome;
And then to Tripoli, if God grants me life.

What country are you from?

PEDANT.
From Mantua.

TRANIO.
From Mantua, sir? No way, I hope not,
And you arrive in Padua, not caring about your safety!

PEDANT.
My life, sir! How, I ask? That’s tough.

TRANIO.
It's dangerous for anyone in Mantua
to come to Padua. Don't you know the reason?
Your ships are held up at Venice; and the Duke,—
due to a personal feud between your Duke and him,—
has announced it publicly.
It's surprising, but since you just arrived,
you might have heard it announced before.

PEDANT.
Unfortunately, sir! it’s even worse for me than that;
Because I have bills for money by exchange
From Florence, and I have to deliver them here.

TRANIO.
Well, sir, to be polite to you,
I will do this, and I will suggest this:
First, tell me, have you ever been to Pisa?

PEDANT.
Yes, sir, I've often been to Pisa,
Pisa famous for its serious citizens.

TRANIO.
Do you know a guy named Vincentio?

PEDANT.
I don't know him, but I've heard of him,
A merchant with unmatched wealth.

TRANIO.
He's my dad, sir; and, to be honest,
He does resemble you a bit in looks.

BIONDELLO.
[Aside.] Just like an apple is to an oyster, they're completely unrelated.

TRANIO.
To save your life in this dire situation,
I’ll do this favor for his sake;
And don’t think it’s the worst of your luck
That you resemble Sir Vincentio.
You’ll take on his name and reputation,
And you’ll have a friendly place to stay in my house;
Make sure you act as you should!
You know what I mean, sir; so you’ll stay
Until you’ve finished your business in the city.
If this is kindness, sir, please accept it.

PEDANT.
Oh, sir, I do; and I will always consider you
The protector of my life and freedom.

TRANIO.
Then come with me to sort things out.
By the way, I want you to know:
My father is expected here every day
To finalize the dowry for my marriage
To one of Baptista's daughters:
I'll fill you in on all the details.
Come with me to get you dressed properly.

[Exit.]

Enter Katherina and Grumio.

GRUMIO.
No way, I can't risk it for my life.

KATHERINA.
The more I’m wronged, the more spite he shows.
What, did he marry me just to starve me?
Beggers who come to my father’s door
Get some charity when they ask for it;
If not, they find help elsewhere;
But I, who never learned to ask,
And never needed to ask, am starving for food, giddy from lack of sleep;
With promises keeping me awake and fighting to survive.
And what frustrates me more than all these needs,
Is that he does it in the name of pure love;
As if to say, if I were to sleep or eat,
It would be a terrible illness or instant death.
Please go get me something to eat;
I don’t care what, as long as it’s healthy food.

GRUMIO.
What do you think about a cow’s foot?

KATHERINA.
That's really great; please let me have it.

GRUMIO.
I worry it’s too spicy of a dish.
What do you think about some well-broiled fatty tripe?

KATHERINA.
I like it a lot; good Grumio, bring it to me.

GRUMIO.
I can’t say; I’m worried it’s anger issues.
How about some beef with mustard?

KATHERINA.
A meal that I really enjoy eating.

GRUMIO.
Yeah, but the mustard is a bit too spicy.

KATHERINA.
Why bother with the beef and let the mustard sit.

GRUMIO.
No way, I'm not doing that: you can have the mustard,
Or you won't get any beef from Grumio.

KATHERINA.
Then both, or just one, or whatever you want.

GRUMIO.
So, the mustard without the beef?

KATHERINA.
Go away, you fake.

Beats him up.

That nourishes me with just the thought of food.
Shame on you and all your group
That celebrate my suffering!
Go, just leave, I insist.

Enter Petruchio with a plate of food; and Hortensio.

PETRUCHIO.
How's my Kate? What's wrong, sweetheart, looking so down?

HORTENSIO.
Hey, what's up?

KATHERINA.
Honestly, it’s as cold as it gets.

PETRUCHIO.
Cheer up; look at me with a smile.
Here, my love; you can see how hard I'm working,
To prepare your food myself and serve it to you:

[Places the dish on a table.]

I’m sure, dear Kate, this kindness deserves thanks.
What! Not a word? Well, then you don’t appreciate it,
And all my efforts amount to nothing.
Here, take this dish away.

KATHERINA.
Please let it stay.

PETRUCHIO.
Even the simplest service deserves thanks;
And mine will be acknowledged before you eat.

KATHERINA.
Thank you, sir.

HORTENSIO.
Mr. Petruchio, come on! You’re in the wrong here.
Come on, Mistress Kate, I’ll stay with you.

PETRUCHIO.
[Aside.] Eat it all up, Hortensio, if you care about me.
Hope it does some good for your kind heart!
Kate, eat quickly: and now, my sweet love,
Shall we head back to your father’s house
And celebrate as grandly as anyone,
With fancy coats and hats, and gold rings,
With ruffs and cuffs and petticoats and stuff;
With scarves and fans and all kinds of finery,
With amber bracelets, beads, and all this nonsense.
What! Have you eaten? The tailor is waiting for you,
To dress you up in his stylish creations.

Enter Tailor.

Come, tailor, let's take a look at these ornaments;
Show us the gown.—

Enter Haberdasher.

What's new with you, sir?

HABERDASHER.
Here is the cap you asked for, your honor.

PETRUCHIO.
Why, this was shaped like a shallow dish;
A fancy plate: come on, that's gross and dirty:
It’s just a seashell or a nut shell,
A gimmick, a toy, a trick, a baby’s cap:
Get rid of it! Come on, I want something bigger.

KATHERINA.
I won’t wear anything bigger; this is just right for now,
And ladies wear caps like this.

PETRUCHIO.
When you’re kind, you’ll get one too,
And not until then.

HORTENSIO.
[Aside] That's not going to happen quickly.

KATHERINA.
Why, sir, I hope I can have permission to speak;
And speak I will. I'm not a child, not a baby.
Your superiors have let me express my thoughts,
And if you can't handle it, it’s best you cover your ears.
My tongue will reveal the anger in my heart,
Or else my heart, hiding it, will break;
And rather than that happen, I will be free
To speak my mind completely, as I wish, with my words.

PETRUCHIO.
Well, you’re right; it’s a worthless hat,
A dessert box, a trinket, a fancy pie;
I really like you for not liking it.

KATHERINA.
Love me or not, I like the cap;
And I will have it, or I won't have any.

[Exit Hat Maker.]

PETRUCHIO.
Your gown? Alright, come on, tailor, let’s take a look.
Oh my God! What kind of ridiculous fabric is this?
What’s this? A sleeve? It looks like a small cannon.
What, designed all over like an apple pie?
Here’s snip and nip and cut and slash,
Like something you'd see in a barber’s shop.
Seriously, what in the world, tailor, is this supposed to be?

HORTENSIO.
[Aside] I see she’s probably going to have neither a cap nor a gown.

TAILOR.
You asked me to make it neat and proper,
In line with the latest trends and style.

PETRUCHIO.
Sure I did; but if you recall,
I didn’t ask you to ruin it for now.
Go, hop over every puddle on your way home,
Because you’ll be hopping without my help, sir.
I want no part of it: get out! Make the best of it.

KATHERINA.
I've never seen a better-designed dress,
More unique, more attractive, or more praiseworthy;
You probably intend to turn me into a puppet.

PETRUCHIO.
You're right; he plans to turn you into a puppet.