A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM

THESEUS, Duke of Athens
HIPPOLYTA, Queen of the Amazons, engaged to Theseus
EGEUS, Hermia's father
HERMIA, daughter of Egeus, in love with Lysander
HELENA, in love with Demetrius
LYSANDER, in love with Hermia
DEMETRIUS, in love with Hermia
PHILOSTRATE, Master of the Revels to Theseus

QUINCE, the Carpenter
SNUG, the Joiner
BOTTOM, the Weaver
FLUTE, the Bellows-mender
SNOUT, the Tinker
STARVELING, the Tailor

OBERON, King of the Fairies
TITANIA, Queen of the Fairies
PUCK, or ROBIN GOODFELLOW, a Fairy
PEASEBLOSSOM, Fairy
COBWEB, Fairy
MOTH, Fairy
MUSTARDSEED, Fairy

PYRAMUS, THISBE, WALL, MOONSHINE, LION; Characters in the Interlude performed by the Clowns

Other Fairies attending their King and Queen
Attendants on Theseus and Hippolyta

Enter Theseus, Hippolyta, Philostrate and Attendants.

THESEUS.
Now, beautiful Hippolyta, our wedding hour
Is approaching quickly; four joyful days will bring in
Another moon; but oh, I think, how slowly
This old moon fades! She delays my desires,
Like a stepmother or a widow,
Dragging out a young man’s fortune.

HIPPOLYTA.
Four days will soon turn into night;
Four nights will quickly pass by;
And then the moon, like a silver bow
Newly bent in the sky, will gaze upon the night
Of our celebrations.

THESEUS.
Go, Philostrate,
Get the youth of Athens excited for some fun;
Awaken the lively and cheerful spirit of laughter;
Send sadness off to the funerals;
The gloomy guest doesn't belong at our celebration.

[Exit Philostrate.]

Hippolyta, I courted you with my sword,
And won your love by hurting you;
But I will marry you in a different way,
With celebration, with victory, and with festivities.

Enter Egeus, Hermia, Lysander, and Demetrius.

EGEUS.
Happy be Theseus, our renowned Duke!

THESEUS.
Thanks, good Egeus. What's the latest with you?

EGEUS.
I'm here full of frustration, complaining
About my child, my daughter Hermia.
Step forward, Demetrius. My noble lord,
This man has my permission to marry her.
Step forward, Lysander. And, my gracious Duke,
This man has enchanted my daughter.
You, Lysander, have given her poems,
And exchanged love gifts with her.
You’ve sung at her window by moonlight,
With a fake voice, verses of pretend love;
And stolen away her heart
With bracelets of your hair, rings, trinkets, ideas,
Little things, bouquets, sweets (messengers
Of a strong hold over innocent youth)
With cunning, you’ve taken my daughter’s heart,
Turned her obedience (which is owed to me)
Into stubborn defiance. And, my gracious Duke,
If she refuses to marry Demetrius before you,
I ask for the ancient right of Athens:
Since she is mine, I can decide her fate;
Which will be either to this gentleman
Or to her death, as our law states
In that case.

THESEUS.
What do you think, Hermia? Think wisely, beautiful girl.
Your father should be like a god to you;
He’s the one who shaped your beauty, yes, and he’s
The one to whom you are just like a wax figure
That he has molded, and it's in his control
To keep the shape, or distort it.
Demetrius is a good man.

HERMIA.
Lysander is too.

THESEUS.
He is valuable in his own right.
But in this case, lacking your father’s backing,
The other must be considered the more worthy.

HERMIA.
I wish my father could see things through my eyes.

THESEUS.
You should judge with your own eyes.

HERMIA.
I really hope you can forgive me.
I don’t know what gives me the courage,
Or how it might affect my dignity
To express my feelings in front of you:
But I ask you to let me know
What the worst consequences could be
If I refuse to marry Demetrius.

THESEUS.
Either to die or to give up
The company of men forever.
So, beautiful Hermia, think about what you really want,
Consider your youth, reflect on your feelings,
Whether, if you don’t go along with your father’s choice,
You can handle being a nun,
To be locked away in a dark cloister forever,
To live a lonely life as a sister,
Singing soft hymns to the cold, unyielding moon.
Those who can control their desires
To take on such a maiden's journey are truly blessed,
But the rose that blooms and is enjoyed
Is happier than one that, fading on the virgin thorn,
Grows, lives, and dies in solitary purity.

HERMIA.
I will grow, live, and die, my lord,
Before I give up my virginity
To him, whose unwanted burden
I refuse to allow to take control of my soul.

THESEUS.
Take a moment to think; by the next new moon
The day my love and I seal our bond
For an everlasting partnership,
On that day, you must either be ready to die
For disobeying your father's wishes,
Or marry Demetrius, as he wants,
Or at Diana’s altar, swear
To a life of strictness and being single.

DEMETRIUS.
Give in, sweet Hermia; and, Lysander, give up
Your twisted claim to my rightful one.

LYSANDER.
You have her father’s love, Demetrius.
Let me have Hermia’s. You can marry him.

EGEUS.
Arrogant Lysander, it's true, he has my love;
And whatever's mine, my love will give to him;
And she belongs to me, and all my rights to her
I give to Demetrius.

LYSANDER.
I am as well-born as he, my lord,
As well-off; my love is greater than his;
My fortunes are just as good, if not better,
Than Demetrius’; and, more importantly,
I am loved by the beautiful Hermia.
So why shouldn’t I claim what’s rightfully mine?
Demetrius, I’ll say it to his face,
Loved Nedar’s daughter, Helena,
And won her heart; and she, sweet lady, is so in love,
Truly in love, obsessed with this unpredictable man.

THESEUS.
I have to admit that I’ve heard a lot,
And I thought I had talked about it with Demetrius;
But, being too caught up in my own things,
I lost track of it. — But, Demetrius, come,
And come, Egeus; you’ll come with me.
I have some private matters to discuss with both of you. —
For you, dear Hermia, you need to prepare yourself
To align your wishes with your father’s desires,
Or else the law of Athens will hand you over
(Which we definitely cannot minimize)
To death, or to a life of singleness.
Come, my Hippolyta. How are you, my love?
Demetrius and Egeus, let's go;
I need to involve you in some preparations
For our wedding and talk to you
About something that closely concerns you both.

EGEUS.
We follow you out of both duty and desire.

[Everyone leaves except Lysander and Hermia.]

LYSANDER.
Hey, my love? Why is your cheek so pale?
Why are the roses fading so quickly?

HERMIA.
Maybe it's because they need rain, which I could easily
Give them from the storm in my eyes.

LYSANDER.
Oh, woe is me! From everything I’ve ever read,
Or heard through stories or history,
The path of true love has never been easy.
But either there were differences in background—

HERMIA.
Oh, what a dilemma! It's too much to be tied down to something beneath me.

LYSANDER.
Or maybe it’s just a bad match because of the age difference—

HERMIA.
Oh, how unfair! I'm too old to be promised to someone so young.

LYSANDER.
Or it was up to the friends to decide—

HERMIA.
Oh no! Choosing love based on someone else's opinions!

LYSANDER.
Or, if there were a connection in our choices,
War, death, or illness would threaten it,
Making it fleeting like a sound,
Quick as a shadow, brief as any dream,
Short as the lightning in a dark night
That, in a fit of anger, reveals both heaven and earth,
And before someone can say, 'Look!'
The jaws of darkness swallow it whole:
So quickly do bright things fall apart.

HERMIA.
If true lovers have ever met,
It’s written in the stars.
So let’s learn to be patient through our struggles,
Because it’s a familiar challenge,
Just as love comes with thoughts, dreams, and sighs,
Wishes and tears, the followers of our imagination.

LYSANDER.
That's a convincing argument; so listen to me, Hermia.
I have a widow aunt, a wealthy dowager
With no children.
Her house is about seven leagues away from Athens,
And she considers me her only son.
There, sweet Hermia, I can marry you,
And the strict Athenian law
Won't be able to reach us. If you love me, then,
Sneak out of your father’s house tomorrow night;
And in the woods, a league outside the town
(Where I met you once with Helena
To celebrate a May morning),
I will wait for you there.

HERMIA.
My dear Lysander!
I swear to you by Cupid’s strongest bow,
By his finest arrow with the golden tip,
By the innocence of Venus’ doves,
By the bond that connects souls and fosters love,
And by the fire that burned the Carthaginian queen
When the deceitful Trojan was seen setting sail,
By all the promises that men have ever broken
(Which are more than any woman has ever spoken),
In that same place you’ve arranged for us,
Tomorrow I’ll truly meet you.

LYSANDER.
Keep your promise, love. Look, here comes Helena.

Enter Helena.

HERMIA.
Good luck, fair Helena! Where are you headed?

HELENA.
Do you really call me beautiful? Just take that back.
Demetrius loves your beauty. Oh, what a lucky beauty!
Your eyes are like guiding stars, and your voice is sweeter
Than a lark's song to a shepherd's ear,
When the wheat is green and the hawthorn is blooming.
Love is contagious. If beauty were so,
I would catch yours, beautiful Hermia, before I leave.
My ear would catch your voice, my eye would catch your gaze,
My tongue would catch the sweet melody of your speech.
If the world were mine, with Demetrius out of the picture,
I would give up everything just to be with you.
Oh, teach me how you look, and with what skill
You capture the heart of Demetrius!

HERMIA.
I scowl at him, but he still loves me.

HELENA.
I wish your scowls could show my smiles how to do the same!

HERMIA.
I throw insults at him, yet he shows me affection.

HELENA.
Oh, if only my prayers could inspire such love!

HERMIA.
The more I dislike him, the more he chases after me.

HELENA.
The more I love, the more he hates me.

HERMIA.
His mistake, Helena, isn't my fault.

HELENA.
Only your beauty; I wish that flaw were mine!

HERMIA.
Take comfort: he won't see my face again;
Lysander and I will leave this place.
Before I met Lysander,
Athens felt like a paradise to me.
Oh, what wonderful qualities my love has,
That he has turned heaven into hell!

LYSANDER.
Helen, we’re going to share our thoughts with you:
Tomorrow night, when Phoebe sees
Her silver face in the reflecting water,
Adorning the grass with droplet pearls
(A time that lovers’ activities hide),
We’ve planned to sneak out through Athens’ gates.

HERMIA.
And in the woods where you and I
Used to lie on soft primrose beds,
Sharing our thoughts and secrets,
That’s where my Lysander and I will meet,
And then we’ll turn our backs on Athens,
To look for new friends and different company.
Goodbye, sweet playmate. Please pray for us,
And may good fortune be with you and your Demetrius!
Keep your promise, Lysander. We have to keep our eyes
Off love’s temptations until deep midnight tomorrow.

LYSANDER.
I will, my Hermia.

[Exit Hermia.]

Helena, goodbye.
As you are infatuated with him, Demetrius is infatuated with you!

[Exit Lysander.]

HELENA.
How happy some can be compared to others!
In Athens, people think I’m as beautiful as she is.
But what does that matter? Demetrius doesn’t think so;
He refuses to see what everyone else knows.
And as he makes a mistake, infatuated with Hermia’s looks,
I, too, admire his qualities.
Things that are low and worthless, lacking any value,
Love can transform into something meaningful and noble.
Love doesn’t see with the eyes, but with the mind;
That’s why Cupid is often depicted as blind.
Love’s mind has no taste for judgment.
Wings, and no eyes, represent reckless haste.
That’s why love is often called a child,
Because it is frequently deceived in its choices.
Like playful boys who break their promises in games,
So the boy Love is perjured everywhere.
Before Demetrius looked into Hermia’s eyes,
He swore he was only mine;
But when his attention shifted to Hermia,
He forgot those promises and let them slip away.
I’m going to tell him about fair Hermia’s escape.
Then he’ll go after her into the woods tomorrow night,
And for this information,
If I get thanks, it’s a heavy price to pay.
But in this, I mean to deepen my own pain,
To see him go there and then come back again.

[Exit Helena.]

Enter Quince, Snug, Bottom, Flute, Snout, and Starveling.

QUINCE.
Is everyone here?

BOTTOM.
It was better to call them one by one, according to the script.

QUINCE.
Here’s the list of every guy’s name, who’s considered suitable throughout all of Athens, to perform in our play in front of the Duke and Duchess on their wedding night.

BOTTOM.
First, good Peter Quince, tell us what the play is about; then read the names of the actors; and then we can get to the point.

QUINCE.
Well, our play is The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisbe.

BOTTOM.
It's a fantastic piece of work, I promise you, and it's cheerful too. Now, good Peter Quince, gather your actors with the list. Come on, everyone, get ready.

QUINCE.
Answer, when I call you. Nick Bottom, the weaver.

BOTTOM.
I'm ready. Just tell me what role I’m supposed to play, and let’s get started.

QUINCE.
You, Nick Bottom, are cast as Pyramus.

BOTTOM.
What is Pyramus—a lover or a control freak?

QUINCE.
A lover who bravely takes his own life for love.

BOTTOM.
That’s going to bring out some tears in the real performance of it. If I do it, the audience should watch their eyes. I will stir up storms; I will grieve a bit. As for the rest—my main style is for a tyrant. I could play Hercules really well, or a part that would tear a cat apart, to make everything go crazy.

    The raging rocks
    And shivering shocks
    Shall break the locks
           Of prison gates,
    And Phibbus’ car
    Shall shine from far,
    And make and mar
           The foolish Fates.

That was impressive. Now, name the rest of the actors. This is Hercules’ style, a tyrant’s style; a lover is more sympathetic.

QUINCE.
Francis Flute, the blower.

FLUTE.
Here, Peter Quince.

QUINCE.
Flute, you have to play Thisbe.

FLUTE.
What is Thisbe? A wandering knight?

QUINCE.
It's the lady that Pyramus has to love.

FLUTE.
No way, I won't pretend to be a woman. I'm starting to grow a beard.

QUINCE.
That's all the same. You can perform it in a mask, and you can speak as quietly as you'd like.

BOTTOM.
And I might cover my face, so I can play Thisbe too. I'll speak in a tiny, crazy voice; ‘Thisne, Thisne!’—‘Oh, Pyramus, my beloved! your Thisbe, my love!’

QUINCE.
No, no, you have to play Pyramus; and, Flute, you're Thisbe.

BOTTOM.
Okay, go ahead.

QUINCE.
Robin Starveling, the tailor.

STARVELING.
Here, Peter Quince.

QUINCE.
Robin Starveling, you need to play Thisbe’s mother.
Tom Snout, the tinker.

SNOUT
Hey, Peter Quince.

QUINCE.
You are Pyramus’ father; I’m Thisbe’s father;
Snug, the joiner, you take the lion’s role. And I hope this play is well-suited.

SNUG
Do you have the lion's part written? Please, if you do, give it to me, because I'm a slow learner.

QUINCE.
You can just wing it, because it’s nothing but shouting.

BOTTOM.
Let me play the lion too. I’ll roar so loudly that it’ll do any man’s heart good to hear me. I’ll roar so well that I’ll make the Duke say ‘Let him roar again, let him roar again.’

QUINCE.
If you mess it up really badly, you'll scare the Duchess and the ladies so much that they'll scream, and that would be enough to get us all hanged.

ALL
That would hang every one of us.

BOTTOM.
I admit, friends, if you scare the ladies too much, they might just decide to hang us. But I’ll adjust my voice so that I’ll sound as soft as a baby dove; I’ll sing for you as sweetly as any nightingale.

QUINCE.
You can only play Pyramus because Pyramus is a good-looking guy; a handsome man like you’d see on a summer day; a truly charming and gentlemanly man. So you have to play Pyramus.

BOTTOM.
Well, I’ll go for it. What kind of beard should I wear for this?

QUINCE.
Your choice.

BOTTOM.
I will release it into your straw-colored beard, your orange-brown beard, your purple-tinted beard, or your golden-yellow beard, your perfect yellow.

QUINCE.
Some of your French crowns are completely bald, so you'll be performing without makeup. But, everyone, here are your scripts, and I'm here to ask, beg, and really hope you’ll have them memorized by tomorrow night; meet me in the palace woods, a mile outside of town, by moonlight; that’s where we’ll rehearse. If we gather in the city, we'll be followed by crowds, and our plans will be exposed. In the meantime, I'll make a list of props that our play needs. Please don’t let me down.

BOTTOM.
We'll meet, and there we can practice boldly and shamelessly. Put in the effort, do it well; goodbye.

QUINCE.
Let's meet at the Duke's oak.

STOP.
Enough. Hold or cut bowstrings.

[Exit.]

Enter a Fairy tale through one door, and Puck through another.

PUCK.
Hey there, spirit! Where are you roaming?

FAIRY
Over hills, over valleys,
Through bushes, through brambles,
Over parks, over fences,
Through floods, through fire,
I wander everywhere,
Faster than the moon can move;
And I serve the Fairy Queen,
To sprinkle her jewels on the grass.
The tall cowslips are her followers,
You can see spots on their golden coats;
Those are rubies, fairy gifts,
In those freckles lie their fragrances.
I need to find some dew-drops here,
And hang a pearl in each cowslip’s ear.
Goodbye, you lazy spirit; I’ll be off.
Our Queen and all her elves will be here soon.

PUCK.
The King is having his festivities here tonight;
Be careful that the Queen doesn’t come into view,
Because Oberon is feeling fierce and angry,
Since she has, as her attendant, a beautiful boy,
Stolen from an Indian king;
She’s never had such a sweet changeling.
And jealous Oberon wants the boy
To be one of his followers, roaming the wild forests:
But she stubbornly keeps the beloved boy,
Crowns him with flowers, and makes him her joy.
And now they never meet in the grove or green,
By the clear fountain, or in the shimmering starlight,
But they argue; so all their elves, out of fear,
Creep into acorn cups and hide there.

FAIRY
Either I’m mistaken about your appearance,
Or you are that clever and mischievous spirit
Called Robin Goodfellow. Aren't you the one
Who scares the maidens in the village,
Skims milk, and sometimes works at the mill,
And uselessly makes the out-of-breath housewife churn,
And sometimes makes the drink not foam,
Leading night-wanderers astray, laughing at their troubles?
Those who call you Hobgoblin and sweet Puck,
You do their bidding, and they will have good fortune.
Aren't you him?

PUCK.
You’re right;
I’m that cheerful wanderer of the night.
I tease Oberon and make him laugh,
When I trick a fat, well-fed horse,
Neighing like a young filly;
Sometimes I hide in a gossip’s bowl
Looking just like a roasted crab,
And when she drinks, I bounce against her lips,
And pour the beer on her wrinkled neck.
The wisest aunt, telling the saddest story,
Sometimes mistakes me for a three-foot stool;
Then I slip from under her, and down she tumbles,
Crying “tailor,” and falls into a cough;
And then the whole group holds their sides and laughs
And grows more joyful, sneezing and swearing
That a happier hour was never spent here.
But make way, fairy. Here comes Oberon.

FAIRY
And here’s my mistress. I wish he would just leave!

Enter Oberon from one door, with his entourage, and Titania from another, with hers.

OBERON.
Nice to see you by moonlight, proud Titania.

TITANIA.
What, jealous Oberon! Fairies, get lost;
I’ve sworn off his bed and company.

OBERON.
Wait, reckless flirt; am I not your lord?

TITANIA.
Then I guess I have to be your lady; but I know
When you've snuck away from fairyland,
And for hours sat in the form of Corin
Playing on reed pipes and reciting love poems
To sweet Phillida. Why are you here,
Coming from the farthest reaches of India,
Except that, honestly, the bold Amazon,
Your strong mistress and your warrior lover,
Is set to marry Theseus; and you're here
To bring happiness and prosperity to their marriage?

OBERON.
How could you, for shame, Titania,
Look at my reputation with Hippolyta,
Knowing that I know about your love for Theseus?
Didn't you lead him through the shimmering night
From Perigenia, whom he took by force?
And make him break his promise to fair Aegles,
With Ariadne and Antiopa?

TITANIA.
These are the lies created by jealousy:
And never, since the middle of summer,
Have we met on a hill, in a valley, forest, or meadow,
By a paved fountain, or by a weedy brook,
Or on the sandy shore of the sea,
To dance our circles to the whistling wind,
Without your arguments disturbing our fun.
So the winds, playing to us in vain,
In revenge, have sucked up from the sea
Contagious fogs; which, falling on the land,
Have made every muddy river so proud
That they have overflowed their banks.
The ox has stretched its yoke in vain,
The plowman lost his effort, and the green corn
Has rotted before its time to mature.
The sheepfold stands empty in the flooded field,
And crows are fattened on the sickly flock;
The nine-men’s-morris is filled up with mud,
And the intricate patterns in the lush green,
For lack of use, are unrecognizable.
The humans want their winter here.
No night is now blessed with hymns or songs.
So the moon, the ruler of floods,
Pale with anger, washes all the air,
Causing rheumatic diseases to thrive.
And through this chaos we see
The seasons change: white frosts
Fall in the fresh lap of the crimson rose;
And on old winter’s thin and icy crown
A fragrant wreath of sweet summer buds
Is, in mockery, placed. Spring, summer,
Fruitful autumn, angry winter, change
Their usual colors; and the bewildered world,
By their abundance, no longer knows which is which.
And this same source of troubles comes
From our arguments, from our disagreements;
We are their parents and origin.

OBERON.
So you’ll change it, then. It’s up to you.
Why should Titania go against her Oberon?
I just ask for a little changeling boy
To be my sidekick.

TITANIA.
Calm your heart;
The fairyland doesn’t take my child.
His mother was one of my followers,
And in the fragrant Indian air, at night,
She often chatted with me;
And sat with me on Neptune’s golden shores,
Watching the departing traders on the water,
When we laughed to see the sails catch the wind,
And swell up with the playful breeze;
She, with her lovely and flowing walk,
Following (her belly then full with my young knight),
Would mimic that, and glide across the land,
To get me little gifts, and then return,
As if from a journey, laden with treasures.
But she, being human, died after having that boy;
And for her sake, I raise her son,
And for her sake, I won’t let him go.

OBERON.
How long do you plan to stay in this woods?

TITANIA.
Maybe until after Theseus' wedding day.
If you're willing to dance in our circle,
And enjoy our moonlit celebrations, come with us;
If not, avoid me, and I'll leave your favorite spots alone.

OBERON.
Hand over that boy and I'll go with you.

TITANIA.
Not for your fairy kingdom. Fairies, go away.
We’ll have a serious argument if I stay any longer.

[Exit Titania with her entourage.]

OBERON.
All right, go on your way. You won’t leave this grove
Until I punish you for this wrong.—
My dear Puck, come here. Do you remember
That time I sat on a cliff,
And heard a mermaid riding on a dolphin
Singing such sweet and beautiful notes
That the rough sea calmed down at her song
And certain stars shot wildly from their places
To listen to the sea-maid’s music.

PUCK.
I remember.

OBERON.
That very moment I saw, (but you couldn’t),
Flying between the cold moon and the earth,
Cupid all geared up: he took aim
At a beautiful maiden, sitting in the west,
And shot his love arrow sharply from his bow
As if it were meant to pierce a hundred thousand hearts.
But I saw young Cupid’s fiery arrow
Doused in the pure light of the watery moon;
And the regal maid walked on,
In thoughtful innocence, free of desire.
Yet I noticed where Cupid’s arrow landed:
It landed on a little western flower,
Once milk-white, now purple with love’s stain,
And young women call it love-in-idleness.
Bring me that flower, the herb I showed you once:
The juice of it on sleeping eyelids applied
Will make any man or woman crazily infatuated
With the next living being they see.
Bring me this herb, and be back here again
Before the leviathan can swim a mile.

PUCK.
I’ll circle the globe
In forty minutes.

[Exit Puck.]

OBERON.
Once I have this juice,
I’ll keep an eye on Titania while she’s asleep,
And I'll drop this liquid in her eyes:
The next thing she sees when she wakes up
(Whether it’s a lion, bear, wolf, or bull,
A meddling monkey, or a playful ape)
She'll chase it with all her love.
And before I take this charm from her sight
(Which I can do with another herb)
I’ll make her give me her servant.
But who’s coming here? I’m invisible;
And I’ll listen in on their conversation.

Enter Demetrius and Helena following him.

DEMETRIUS.
I don’t love you, so don’t chase after me.
Where are Lysander and beautiful Hermia?
One will kill me, the other I’ll kill.
You told me they ran away into this forest,
And here I am, lost in this woods
Because I can’t find Hermia.
So, just go away and stop following me.

HELENA.
You attract me, you heartless stone,
But you don't pull iron, because my heart
Is as strong as steel. Keep your ability to attract,
And I won't have the ability to follow you.

DEMETRIUS.
Am I charming you? Am I being nice to you?
Or am I just being completely honest when I say
That I don’t love you, and I can’t love you?

HELENA.
And even for that, I love you even more.
I’m your spaniel; and, Demetrius,
The more you hurt me, the more I will fawn on you.
Treat me just like your spaniel, reject me, hit me,
Ignore me, lose me; just let me,
Unworthy as I am, follow you.
What worse position can I ask for in your love,
(And yet it’s a position of great respect to me)
Than to be treated like you treat your dog?

DEMETRIUS.
Don't push the limits of my anger too far;
Because I feel sick just looking at you.

HELENA.
And I feel sick when I don't see you.

DEMETRIUS.
You're accusing yourself of being too modest
To leave the city and put yourself
In the hands of someone who doesn't love you,
To rely on the cover of night
And the bad advice of an empty place,
With the priceless value of your virginity.

HELENA.
Your goodness is a blessing to me: because
It’s not night when I see your face,
So I believe I’m not in the dark;
And this forest is full of company,
Since you, to me, are the entire world.
So how can anyone say I’m alone
When the whole world is here watching me?

DEMETRIUS.
I’ll run away from you and hide in the thickets,
And leave you at the mercy of wild animals.

HELENA.
No one is as passionate as you.
Run whenever you want, the story will change;
Apollo runs away, and Daphne is in pursuit;
The dove chases the griffin, the gentle doe
Hurries to catch the tiger. Useless effort,
When fear chases and bravery runs away!

DEMETRIUS.
I won't hold back your questions. Let me go,
But if you follow me, don’t think
That I won’t harm you in the woods.

HELENA.
Yes, in the temple, in the town, in the field,
You do me harm. Shame on you, Demetrius!
Your actions bring disgrace to my gender.
We can't fight for love like men can.
We should be pursued, and we're not meant to pursue.

[Exit Demetrius.]

I’ll follow you and turn hell into heaven,
To die by the hand I love so much.

[Exit Helena.]

OBERON.
Goodbye, nymph. Before he leaves this grove,
You will avoid him, and he will seek your love.

Enter Puck.

Do you have the flower there? Welcome, traveler.

PUCK.
Yup, there it is.

OBERON.
Please give it to me.
I know a spot where wild thyme grows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violets bloom,
Completely covered with luscious honeysuckle,
With sweet musk roses and eglantine.
There sleeps Titania sometimes at night,
Lulled in these flowers with dances and joy;
And there the snake sheds her colorful skin,
Wide enough to wrap a fairy in.
With the juice of this, I’ll touch her eyes,
And fill her head with hateful fantasies.
Take some of it and search through this grove:
A sweet Athenian lady is in love
With a disdainful young man. Anoint his eyes;
But do it when the next thing he sees
Could be the lady. You’ll know the man
By the Athenian clothes he’s wearing.
Make sure to do it carefully so he becomes
More in love with her than she is with him:
And make sure you meet me before the first rooster crows.

PUCK.
Don't worry, my lord, your servant will take care of it.

[Exit.]

Enter Titania with her Crew.

TITANIA.
Come on, let’s have a little song and a fairy tune;
Then for just about thirty seconds, go away;
Some will chase away pests in the musk-rose buds;
Some will fight bats for their leather wings,
To make little coats for my elves; and some will hold back
The noisy owl, who hoots every night and wonders
About our strange spirits. Sing me to sleep now;
Then go to your tasks, and let me rest.

Fairies are singing.

FIRST FAIRY.
    You spotted snakes with split tongues,
       Thorny hedgehogs, don’t be seen;
    Newts and blind-worms mean no harm,
       Stay away from our Fairy Queen:

CHORUS.
    Philomel, with your song,
    Sing in our sweet lullaby:
Lulla, lulla, lullaby; lulla, lulla, lullaby.
    No harm, no spell, no charm,
    Come near our lovely lady;
    So good night, with lullaby.

FIRST FAIRY.
    Spinning spiders, don't come here;
       Get out of here, you long-legged spinners.
    Black beetles, stay away;
       Worms and snails, don't cause any trouble.

CHORUS.
    Philomel with melody, etc.

SECOND FAIRY.
Let’s leave! Everything is fine now.
One person stay on guard.

[Fairies exit. Titania is asleep.]

Enter Oberon.

OBERON.
What you see when you wake,

Squeezes the flower on Titania's eyelids.

Do it for your true love;
Love and suffer for him.
Whether it's an ounce, a cat, or a bear,
A leopard, or a boar with rough hair,
In your eye, that shall appear
When you wake, it is your dear.
Wake when something nasty is near.

[Leave.]

Enter Lysander and Hermia.

LYSANDER.
Sweet love, you're getting tired from wandering in the woods.
Honestly, I've forgotten which way to go.
Let’s take a break, Hermia, if you think that’s best,
And wait for the comfort of the daylight.

HERMIA.
Alright, Lysander: you find a place for us to sleep,
Because I'm going to rest my head right here.

LYSANDER.
One patch of grass will be our pillow;
One heart, one bed, two chests, and one promise.

HERMIA.
No, please, Lysander; for my sake, my dear,
Stay a bit farther away, don’t be so close.

LYSANDER.
Oh, understand, my dear, my innocence!
Love defines itself through love's discussion.
I mean that my heart is connected to yours,
So that we can make just one heart from it:
Two souls bound together by a promise,
So then two souls and a single vow.
Then by your side, don’t deny me a bedroom;
For in this way, Hermia, I’m not lying.

HERMIA.
Lysander is very charming with his words.
Shame on my manners and my pride,
If Hermia meant to suggest that Lysander is lying!
But, dear friend, out of love and kindness,
Let’s keep some distance, in human decency,
A separation that’s suitable for a decent guy and a girl,
Let’s keep it that way; and good night, sweet friend:
May your love never change until your sweet life ends!

LYSANDER.
Amen, amen, to that beautiful prayer I say;
And then I'll end my life when I end my loyalty!
Here is my bed. May sleep give you all its rest!

HERMIA.
With half that wish, may the wisher’s eyes be closed!

They’re sleeping.

Enter Puck.

PUCK.
I’ve walked through the forest,
But I haven’t found any Athenians,
With whom I could try
This flower’s power to stir love.
Night and silence! Who’s here?
He wears the weeds of Athens:
This is the one my master mentioned,
Who scorned the Athenian girl;
And here she is, sleeping soundly,
On the damp and dirty ground.
Poor girl, she wouldn’t dare lie
Next to this unloving, rude guy.
Here, I cast
All the power this charm possesses onto your eyes;
When you wake, let love prevent
Sleep from resting on your eyelid.
So wake up when I’m gone;
For I need to go to Oberon now.

[Log out.]

Enter Demetrius and Helena, running.

HELENA.
Wait, even if you end up hurting me, sweet Demetrius.

DEMETRIUS.
I command you to leave and don’t keep bothering me like this.

HELENA.
Oh, will you really leave me in the dark? Please don't.

DEMETRIUS.
Hold on, at your own risk; I'm going by myself.

[Exit Demetrius.]

HELENA.
Oh, I’m out of breath from this crazy chase!
The more I pray, the less grace I have.
Lucky Hermia, wherever she is,
Because she has blessed and beautiful eyes.
How did her eyes get so bright? Not from salt tears.
If that’s the case, my eyes are washed more often than hers.
No, no, I’m as ugly as a bear,
Because animals that see me run away in fear:
So it’s no wonder Demetrius
Runs from me like I’m a monster.
What wicked and deceptive mirror of mine
Made me think I could compare to Hermia’s lovely eyes?
But who is this? Lysander, on the ground!
Is he dead or just asleep? I see no blood, no wound.
Lysander, if you’re alive, good sir, wake up.

LYSANDER.
[Waking.] I would run through fire for you, my dear.
Clear Helena! Nature displays beauty,
That through your heart I can see your soul.
Where is Demetrius? Oh, how perfect a word
Is that terrible name to die by my sword!

HELENA.
Don’t say that, Lysander, don’t say that.
So what if he loves your Hermia? Seriously, so what?
Hermia still loves you. So be happy with that.

LYSANDER.
Happy with Hermia? No, I regret
The boring minutes I've spent with her.
I don't love Hermia; I love Helena.
Who wouldn't trade a raven for a dove?
A man's desires are guided by his reason,
And reason says you're the better choice.
Things that grow aren't ripe until they're ready;
So I, being young, wasn't ready to think;
And now, at this point of human understanding,
Reason directs my desires,
And leads me to your eyes, where I see
Love's stories, written in love's finest book.

HELENA.
Why was I born to this sharp mockery?
When did I deserve this scorn from you?
Isn’t it enough, isn’t it enough, young man,
That I never, no, nor can ever
Deserve a kind glance from Demetrius’ eye,
But you have to mock my shortcomings?
Honestly, you’re treating me unfairly, truly you are,
To court me in such a disdainful way.
But goodbye; I must admit,
I thought you were a man of more true kindness.
Oh, that a lady who's rejected by one man
Should be mistreated by another!

[Leave.]

LYSANDER.
She doesn't see Hermia. Hermia, you stay there,
And may you never come near Lysander!
For just like too much of the sweetest things
Makes you sick to your stomach;
Or as the false beliefs people leave behind
Are most despised by those they deceived;
So you, my excess and my falsehood,
Of everyone, be hated, but most of all by me!
And with all my strength, focus your love and power
To honor Helen, and to be her knight!

[Log out.]

HERMIA.
[Starting.] Help me, Lysander, help me! Do your best
To pull this crawling snake from my chest!
Oh, for pity's sake! What a dream I just had!
Lysander, look at how I'm shaking with fear.
I thought a snake was eating my heart out,
And you were sitting there, smiling at its cruel snack.
Lysander! What, gone? Lysander! Please!
What, out of hearing? Gone? No sound, no word?
Oh no, where are you? Speak, if you can hear;
Speak, for the love of everything! I'm almost fainting with fear.
No? Then I realize you’re not nearby.
Either death or you, I’m going to find right now.

[Leave.]

The Queen of Fairies is still lying asleep.

Enter Bottom, Quince, Snout, Starveling, Snug and Flute.

BOTTOM.
Are we all here?

QUINCE.
Alright, alright; and here's a perfect spot for our rehearsal. This grassy area will be our stage, this hawthorn thicket our dressing room; and we'll perform it in action, just like we will for the Duke.

BOTTOM.
Peter Quince?

QUINCE.
What do you say, bully Bottom?

BOTTOM.
There are parts of this play about Pyramus and Thisbe that will never be enjoyable. First, Pyramus has to pull out a sword to take his own life, which the women can't stand. What do you say to that?

SNOUT
By your luck, a serious fear.

STARVELING.
I think we should skip the killing when everything's said and done.

BOTTOM.
Not at all; I have a plan to make everything okay. Write me a prologue, and let the prologue state that we won't harm anyone with our swords, and that Pyramus isn’t really dead; and to reassure them even more, tell them that I, Pyramus, am not Pyramus but Bottom the weaver. This will ease their fears.

QUINCE.
Alright, we will have a prologue like that; and it will be written in eight and six.

BOTTOM.
No, make it two more; let it be written in eight and eight.

SNOUT
Aren't the ladies going to be scared of the lion?

STARVELING.
I really do fear it, I promise you.

BOTTOM.
Guys, you really need to think about this. Bringing in (God forbid!) a lion in front of ladies is a terrible idea. There's nothing more frightening than having a lion around, and we need to be careful about it.

SNOUT
So another prologue must say that he’s not a lion.

BOTTOM.
No, you have to say his name, and half his face has to be visible through the lion’s neck; and he needs to speak through it, saying something like, ‘Ladies,’ or, ‘Fair ladies, I would like to ask you,’ or, ‘I would request you,’ or, ‘I would urge you not to be afraid or nervous: my life for yours. If you think I’m here as a lion, it would be a shame for my life. No, I’m not that; I’m just a man like any other’: and there, he should definitely say his name and clearly tell them he is Snug the joiner.

QUINCE.
Alright, it will be done. But there are two tough things: one is bringing the moonlight into a room, because you know, Pyramus and Thisbe meet under the moonlight.

SNOUT
Does the moon shine the night we perform our play?

BOTTOM.
A calendar, a calendar! Check the almanac; find out the moonlight, find out the moonlight.

QUINCE.
Yeah, it really shines that night.

BOTTOM.
Why, then can you leave the window of the great chamber open while we play, so the moon can shine in through the window?

QUINCE.
Yeah; or else someone has to come in with a bunch of thorns and a lantern, and say they’re here to either mess up or play the part of Moonshine. Plus, we need to have a wall in the main room; because Pyramus and Thisbe, according to the story, talked through a crack in the wall.

SNOUT
You can never bring in a wall. What do you think, Bottom?

BOTTOM.
Some guy needs to play Wall. And he should have some plaster, or some clay, or some rough material on him to represent the wall; and he should hold his fingers like this, and through that gap, Pyramus and Thisbe will whisper.

QUINCE.
If that’s possible, then everything is good. Come, sit down, everyone, and practice your lines. Pyramus, you start: after you finish your speech, step into that thicket; and then each person will follow their cue.

Enter Puck from behind.

PUCK.
What ordinary guys do we have strutting around here,
So close to the Fairy Queen's cradle?
What, a play about to start? I’ll be a spectator;
Maybe an actor too if it seems fitting.

QUINCE.
Speak, Pyramus.—Thisbe, come forward.

PYRAMUS.
Thisbe, the flowers with disagreeable scents are sweet

QUINCE.
Scents, scents.

PYRAMUS.
. . . pleasant scents.
Just like your breath, my dearest Thisbe.
But wait, I hear a voice! Just stay right here for a bit,
And soon I will come to you.

[Log out.]

PUCK.
A stranger Pyramus than ever played here!

[Leave.]

THISBE.
Do I have to talk now?

QUINCE.
Yeah, of course, you see, he just went to check out a sound he heard and is coming back.

THISBE.
Most radiant Pyramus, most pure in color,
Like the red rose on a winning thorn,
Most lively young man, and also most beautiful,
As true as the finest horse that never grows weary,
I’ll meet you, Pyramus, at Ninny’s tomb.

QUINCE.
Ninus' tomb, dude! You can't say that yet. You need to respond to Pyramus. Just say your part all at once, including the cues.—Pyramus, come in! Your cue has already passed; it’s ‘never tire.’

THISBE.
Oh, As true as the truest horse, that would never get tired.

Enter Puck and Bottom with a donkey's head.

PYRAMUS.
If I were beautiful, Thisbe, I would only be yours.

QUINCE.
Oh no! How bizarre! We're being haunted. Please, everyone, run! Help!

[Clowns exit.]

PUCK.
I’ll follow you. I’ll guide you around,
   Through swamps, through bushes, through brambles, through thorns;
Sometimes I’ll be a horse, sometimes a dog,
   A pig, a headless bear, sometimes a fire;
And neigh, and bark, and grunt, and roar, and burn,
Like a horse, dog, pig, bear, fire, at every turn.

[Leave.]

BOTTOM.
Why do they run away? It's dishonorable of them to scare me like this.

Enter Snout.

SNOUT
Oh Bottom, you’ve changed! What do I see on you?

BOTTOM.
What do you see? You see your own donkey head, don’t you?

[Exit Snout.]

Enter Quince.

QUINCE.
Bless you, Bottom! Bless you! You've been transformed.

[Log out.]

BOTTOM.
I see their trickery. They're trying to make a fool out of me, to scare me if they can. But I won't move from this spot, no matter what they do. I'll walk back and forth here, and I'll sing, so they know I'm not afraid.
[Sings.]
       The blackbird, so dark in color,
          With an orange-tawny bill,
       The song thrush with its true note,
          The wren with its little quill.

TITANIA.
[Waking.] What angel has woken me from my flowery bed?

BOTTOM.
[Sings.]
       The finch, the sparrow, and the lark,
          The plain-singing gray cuckoo,
       Whose call a lot of people notice,
          And doesn’t dare to say no.
For, really, who would challenge the cleverness of such a silly bird? Who would argue with a bird, even if it keeps saying ‘cuckoo’?

TITANIA.
Please, kind human, sing that again.
I'm really captivated by your voice.
I'm also drawn to your beauty;
And your admirable qualities compel me,
Right from the first glance, to say, to promise, I love you.

BOTTOM.
I think, ma'am, you shouldn't worry about that too much. But honestly, reason and love don’t get along well these days. It's a shame that some decent folks won't help them get along. Still, I can joke around when the time calls for it.

TITANIA.
You are as wise as you are beautiful.

BOTTOM.
No way, not at all; but if I were clever enough to find my way out of this woods, I would definitely know how to take care of myself.

TITANIA.
Don't even think about leaving this forest.
You’re staying here whether you want to or not.
I’m not just any spirit.
Summer still watches over my realm;
And I love you: so come with me.
I’ll provide fairies to look after you;
They'll bring you jewels from the depths,
And sing while you sleep on soft flowers.
I’ll cleanse your earthly heaviness
So you’ll feel like a light spirit.—
Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! and Mustardseed!

Enter four Fairies.

PEASEBLOSSOM.
All set.

Cobweb.
And I.

Moth.
And me.

MUSTARDSEED.
And me.

ALL.
Where should we go?

TITANIA.
Be nice and polite to this guy;
Join him on his walks and play in his sight;
Treat him to peaches and blackberries,
With purple grapes, green figs, and mulberries;
Steal honey from the busy bees,
And for night lights, take from their waxy bodies,
And light them with the glow of fireflies,
So he can come to bed with me and wake up with me;
And pluck the wings off colorful butterflies,
To fan the moonlight away from his sleeping eyes.
Nod to him, fairies, and show him kindness.

PEASEBLOSSOM.
Hello, human!

COBWEB.
Hello!

Moth.
Hey!

MUSTARDSEED.
Hello!

BOTTOM.
I beg your mercy, truly.—May I have your name, please?

Cobweb.

BOTTOM.
I’d like to get to know you better, good Master Cobweb. If I cut my finger, I’ll take the liberty to ask for your help.—What’s your name, honest sir?

Peaseblossom.

BOTTOM.
Please, send my regards to Mistress Squash, your mother, and to Master Peascod, your father. Good Master Peaseblossom, I'd like to get to know you better as well. What’s your name, if I may ask?

MUSTARDSEED.
Mustardseed.

BOTTOM.
Good Master Mustardseed, I know you’re very patient. That same cowardly giant of a beef has taken down many a gentleman from your family. I promise you, your relatives have made me tear up before. I want to get to know you better, good Master Mustardseed.

TITANIA.
Come, get ready for him; take him to my resting place.
The moon, I think, looks like she’s crying,
And when she cries, every little flower cries,
Mourning some forced purity.
Silence my love, bring him quietly.

[They exit.]

Enter Oberon.

OBERON.
I wonder if Titania is awake;
Then, what it was that next caught her eye,
That she must obsess over completely.

Enter Puck.

Here comes my messenger. What's up, wild spirit?
What kind of mischief is happening in this haunted grove tonight?

PUCK.
My mistress has fallen for a monster.
Close to her sacred bower,
While she was deep in her dull, sleepy state,
A bunch of clowns, rough mechanicals,
Who work for a living at Athenian markets,
Got together to practice a play
For great Theseus’ wedding day.
The biggest fool of that bunch
Who played Pyramus in their act,
Abandoned his scene and wandered into a bush.
When I caught him off guard,
I stuck an ass’s head on him.
Soon, his Thisbe had to respond,
And out came my mimic. When they saw him,
Like wild geese spotting a sneaky hunter,
Or a group of gray crows, many in number,
Rising and squawking at the sound of gunfire,
They scattered and frantically flew away,
And at our shout, one kept falling over and over;
He screamed murder and called for help from Athens.
Their minds, so weak, overtaken by fear, became strong,
Causing lifeless things to start acting against them;
Thorns and brambles snagged at their clothes;
Some sleeves, some hats, everything caught onto them.
I led them on in this panicked state,
And left sweet Pyramus stuck there.
Then, just when it happened,
Titania woke up and immediately fell in love with an ass.

OBERON.
This turned out better than I could have imagined.
But have you managed to get the Athenian to fall in love
With the love juice, just as I instructed you?

PUCK.
I found him asleep—that's done as well—
And the Athenian woman next to him,
That when he wakes, he must see her.

Enter Demetrius and Hermia.

OBERON.
Stand close. This is the same Athenian.

PUCK.
This is the woman, but this isn’t the man.

DEMETRIUS.
Oh, why do you criticize someone who loves you so much?
Why be so harsh to your bitter enemy?

HERMIA.
Right now I’m just scolding you, but I should really be harsher,
Because I’m afraid you’ve given me a reason to curse you.
If you’ve killed Lysander while he was asleep,
Having blood all the way up to your shoes, jump into the deep,
And kill me too.
The sun wasn’t as reliable as he was to me.
Would he have sneaked away
From sleeping Hermia? I’d believe just as soon
That this whole earth could be bored through, and that the moon
Could creep through the center and upset
Her brother’s midday with the Antipodes.
It can’t be that you haven’t murdered him.
That’s how a murderer would look—so dead, so grim.

DEMETRIUS.
That's how the murdered should look, and that's how I feel,
Stabbed through the heart by your harsh cruelty.
Yet you, the killer, seem as bright and clear,
As Venus up there in her shining sky.

HERMIA.
What’s going on with my Lysander? Where is he?
Oh, good Demetrius, will you give him to me?

DEMETRIUS.
I’d rather give his body to my dogs.

HERMIA.
Get out, dog! Get lost, you coward! You're pushing me past my breaking point.
Did you kill him, then?
From now on, you should never be counted among men!
Just tell the truth for once; please, just for my sake!
Could you have looked at him while he was awake,
And did you really kill him while he was asleep? What a cowardly act!
Could a worm or a snake do that?
A snake did it; because with a more deceitful tongue
Than yours, you serpent, no snake ever stung.

DEMETRIUS.
You're wasting your feelings on a mistaken attitude:
I'm not responsible for Lysander’s death;
And as far as I know, he's not dead.

HERMIA.
Please tell me that he's okay.

DEMETRIUS.
And if I could, what would I get out of it?

HERMIA.
A privilege to never see me again.
And I will leave your despised presence like this:
Don’t see me again, whether he is dead or not.

[Log out.]

DEMETRIUS.
I can't keep up with her in this intense mood.
So I'll stick around here for a bit.
The weight of sadness just keeps getting heavier
From the debt of sleep that sorrow owes;
Which now, just a little, it will repay,
If I hang around for his kindness here.

Lies down.

OBERON.
What have you done? You've totally messed up,
And put the love potion on the eyes of someone who truly loves.
Because of your mistake, it will have to lead to
Some true love being changed, not a false love becoming true.

PUCK.
Then fate takes control, so that while one man keeps his word,
A million others fail, breaking vow after vow.

OBERON.
You go through the woods faster than the wind,
And make sure to find Helena from Athens.
She's lovesick and looking pale,
Her sighs of love are draining her energy.
Use some kind of trick to bring her here;
I’ll cast a spell on his eyes before she shows up.

PUCK.
I'm off, I'm off; check out how I go,
Faster than an arrow from a Tartar’s bow.

[Leave.]

OBERON.
    Flower of this purple color,
    Struck by Cupid’s arrow,
    Sink into the apple of his eye.
    When he sees his love,
    Let her shine as brilliantly
    As Venus in the sky.—
    When you wake, if she is near,
    Ask her for a solution.

Enter Puck.

PUCK.
    Leader of our fairy group,
    Helena is right here,
    And the young man who was tricked by me,
    Begging for a lover's reward.
    Should we watch their silly play?
    Wow, what fools these humans are!

OBERON.
    Step back. The noise they're making
    Will wake up Demetrius.

PUCK.
Then two will woo the same person at once.
That’s bound to be entertaining on its own;
And I really enjoy
The things that happen in such a crazy way.

Enter Lysander and Helena.

LYSANDER.
Why do you think I would court someone with disdain?
Scorn and mockery don’t come with tears.
When I make a promise, I cry; and promises made with emotion,
Show all their truth at the start.
How can you see any scorn in me,
Wearing the mark of loyalty to prove they’re genuine?

HELENA.
You're becoming more and more clever.
When the truth destroys the truth, what a wickedly sacred battle!
These promises are Hermia’s: will you abandon her?
If you compare oaths, you'll find they hold no weight:
Your vows to her and to me, put on two scales,
Will balance out; and both as light as stories.

LYSANDER.
I had no sense when I promised her.

HELENA.
Not at all, in my opinion, now that you’ve given up on her.

LYSANDER.
Demetrius loves her, and he doesn't love you.

DEMETRIUS.
[Waking.] O Helen, goddess, nymph, perfect, divine!
What should I compare your eyes to, my love?
Crystal is murky. Oh, how stunning your lips look,
Those tempting cherries, so inviting!
That pure, frozen white, high Taurus’ snow,
Warmed by the eastern wind, turns dark
When you lift your hand. Oh, let me kiss
This princess of pure white, this symbol of bliss!

HELENA.
Oh, what cruelty! Oh, hell! I see you all are determined
To conspire against me for your amusement.
If you were polite and understood kindness,
You wouldn’t cause me this much harm.
Can you not just dislike me, as I know you do,
But you also have to unite to mock me?
If you were real men, as you pretend to be,
You wouldn’t treat a gentle lady like this;
To pledge, and swear, and praise my qualities,
When I’m sure you actually despise me.
You are both rivals, and love Hermia;
And now, as rivals, you mock Helena.
What a clever stunt, a manly move,
To bring tears to a poor girl’s eyes
With your ridicule! No one of noble character
Would so insult a virgin, and exploit
A poor soul’s patience just for your entertainment.

LYSANDER.
You're being harsh, Demetrius; don’t be like that,
Because you love Hermia; you know I know that.
And here, with all sincerity, with all my heart,
I give up my claim on Hermia’s love;
And I ask that you pass on yours for Helena to me,
Whom I love and will love until I die.

HELENA.
No one has ever wasted more breath in mockery.

DEMETRIUS.
Lysander, you can have Hermia; I don’t want her.
If I ever loved her, that love is gone.
My heart was only visiting her;
And now it has gone back home to Helen,
Where it will stay.

LYSANDER.
Helen, that's not true.

DEMETRIUS.
Don't criticize the faith you don't understand,
Or it could cost you dearly.
Look, here comes your love; there is your sweetheart.

Enter Hermia.

HERMIA.
Dark night, which takes away the function of sight,
Makes the ear quicker to understand;
When it weakens the sense of sight,
It rewards hearing twofold.
I can't find you with my eyes, Lysander;
I’m grateful to my ear for bringing me to your voice.
But why did you leave me so unkindly?

LYSANDER.
Why should he stay when love urges him to leave?

HERMIA.
What kind of love would make Lysander leave my side?

LYSANDER.
Lysander’s love wouldn't let him stay,
Beautiful Helena, who brightens the night
More than all those fiery stars and shining eyes.
Why are you looking for me? Couldn't this make you see
That the hate I feel for you made me leave you like this?

HERMIA.
You’re not speaking your mind; that can’t be true.

HELENA.
Look, she’s one of them!
Now I see they’ve all teamed up
To make this cruel joke at my expense.
Injurious Hermia, such an ungrateful girl!
Have you teamed up with them,
To mock me with this horrible ridicule?
Is everything we’ve shared,
The promises of sisterhood, the hours we've spent,
When we’ve complained about the quick passage of time
For separating us—O, is it all forgotten?
All our school-day friendship, childhood innocence?
We, Hermia, like two fake goddesses,
Have with our needles created the same flower,
Both on one piece of cloth, sitting on one cushion,
Both singing the same song, both in one key,
As if our hands, our sides, voices, and minds,
Had become one. So we grew together,
Like a double cherry, looking split,
But still united in separation,
Two beautiful berries shaped on one stem;
So, with two seeming bodies, but one heart;
Two of the same, like coats of arms,
Belonging to one, and crowned with one crest.
And will you rip our long-standing love apart,
To join with men in ridiculing your poor friend?
It’s not friendly, it’s not sisterly.
Our gender, just like me, could scold you for it,
Though I alone feel the hurt.

HERMIA.
I'm surprised by your intense words:
I don't reject you; it looks like you reject me.

HELENA.
Haven't you made Lysander, just to mock me,
Follow me around and compliment my eyes and face?
And turned your other love, Demetrius,
Who just now kicked me aside,
Into someone who calls me goddess, nymph, divine, and rare,
Precious, celestial? Why does he say this
To someone he hates? And why does Lysander
Deny your love, which is so deep in his heart,
And offer me, indeed, affection,
Only because you prompted him, because you wanted it?
What if I’m not as attractive as you,
So loved and lucky,
But actually miserable, loving someone who doesn’t love me back?
You should feel sorry for me instead of looking down on me.

HERMIA.
I don't understand what you mean by this.

HELENA.
Yeah, go ahead. Keep pretending to look sad,
Make faces at me when I turn away,
Wink at each other; keep the joke going.
If done well, this will be remembered.
If you have any compassion, kindness, or decency,
You wouldn't make me suffer like this.
But goodbye. It’s partly my own fault,
Which death or absence will soon fix.

LYSANDER.
Wait, kind Helena; listen to my apology;
My love, my life, my everything, beautiful Helena!

HELENA.
Oh awesome!

HERMIA.
Please, don't be so dismissive of her.

DEMETRIUS.
If she can't persuade him, I can force him.

LYSANDER.
You can force her no more than she can beg;
Your threats are as weak as her feeble prayers.
Helen, I love you, I truly do;
I swear by everything I would give up for you
To prove false anyone who claims I don't love you.

DEMETRIUS.
I say I love you more than he can.

LYSANDER.
If you say so, step back and prove it.

Demetrius.
Hurry up, come here.

HERMIA.
Lysander, what’s all this about?

LYSANDER.
Get lost, you Ethiope!

DEMETRIUS.
No, no. He'll
Seem to break free. Act like you would follow,
But still don't come. You're a passive guy, just go!

LYSANDER.
Get off me, you pest! Disgusting creature, let go,
Or I’ll shake you off like a snake.

HERMIA.
Why are you being so rude? What’s this change,
Sweet love?

LYSANDER.
Your love? Get lost, you nasty Tartar, get out!
Get out, hated medicine! Oh, detested potion, go away!

HERMIA.
Are you serious?

HELENA.
Yes, truly, and so do you.

LYSANDER.
Demetrius, I will stick to my promise with you.

DEMETRIUS.
I wish I had your promise; because I can see
A weak promise ties you; I won’t trust what you say.

LYSANDER.
What, should I hurt her, hit her, kill her?
Even though I hate her, I won’t hurt her like that.

HERMIA.
What, can you hurt me more than with hate?
Hate me? Why? Oh no! What’s going on, my love?
Am I not Hermia? Aren’t you Lysander?
I’m just as beautiful now as I was before.
You loved me last night; yet since then, you’ve abandoned me.
So, you left me—oh, please, don’t let it be true!—
Should I really say that?

LYSANDER.
Yes, for real;
And I never wanted to see you again.
So don’t hope, don’t ask, don’t doubt;
Be sure, it’s absolutely true; I’m not joking
When I say I hate you and love Helena.

HERMIA.
Oh no! You trickster! You pest!
You thief of love! What! Did you come at night
And steal my love's heart from him?

HELENA.
Fine, I swear!
Do you have no modesty, no sense of shame,
No hint of bashfulness? What, are you going to force
Impatient responses from my gentle tongue?
Shame on you, you impostor, you puppet, you!

HERMIA.
Puppet! Why’s that? Oh, I see how it is.
Now I realize she’s comparing our heights;
She’s made a big deal about being tall;
And with her figure, her tall figure,
Her height, obviously, has won him over.
Have you become so important in his eyes
Just because I’m so short and small?
How short am I, you painted pole? Tell me,
How short am I? I’m not so short
That I can’t still reach your eyes with my nails.

HELENA.
I pray that, even though you tease me, gentlemen,
She doesn't hurt me. I've never been harsh;
I'm not at all good at being a shrew;
I'm truly a maid because I'm timid;
Please don't let her hit me. You might think,
Because she is a bit beneath me,
That I can handle her.

HERMIA.
Lower! Listen, again.

HELENA.
Please, Hermia, don’t be so angry with me.
I’ve always loved you, Hermia,
I’ve always kept your secrets and never wronged you,
Except when I told Demetrius about your sneaking off to this forest.
He followed you; I followed him out of love;
But he’s kicked me out and threatened me
To hit me, shove me, or even kill me:
And now, if you’ll just let me go in peace,
I’ll take my foolishness back to Athens,
And I won’t follow you any further. Just let me go:
You see how simple and foolish I am.

HERMIA.
Why, just leave. Who is stopping you?

HELENA.
A foolish heart that I leave behind.

HERMIA.
What! with Lysander?

HELENA.
With Demetrius.

LYSANDER.
Don't be scared; she won't hurt you, Helena.

DEMETRIUS.
No, sir, she won't, even if you defend her.

HELENA.
Oh, when she’s mad, she’s sharp and clever.
She was a troublemaker in school,
And even though she’s small, she’s fierce.

HERMIA.
Again with this? Just nothing small and trivial?
Why are you letting her disrespect me like this?
I need to talk to her.

LYSANDER.
Get lost, you little guy;
You tiny thing made of stubborn weeds;
You bead, you acorn.

DEMETRIUS.
You're being way too pushy
on her behalf, and she doesn't appreciate it.
Just leave her be. Don't mention Helena;
Don't take her side; because if you even think
about showing her the slightest bit of love,
you'll regret it.

LYSANDER.
Now she doesn't hold me at all.
Now follow, if you dare, to see whose claim,
Yours or mine, is stronger when it comes to Helena.

DEMETRIUS.
Come on! No, I’ll stick with you, side by side.

[Exit Lysander and Demetrius.]

HERMIA.
You, ma'am, this whole mess is because of you.
No, don’t walk away.

HELENA.
I won’t trust you anymore,
And I won’t stick around in your cursed company.
Your hands are quicker than mine in a fight.
But my legs are longer, so I can run away.

[Leave.]

HERMIA.
I’m shocked and don’t know what to say.

[Leave, chasing Helena.]

OBERON.
This is your carelessness: you still misunderstand,
Or you’re intentionally doing your tricks.

PUCK.
Believe me, king of shadows, I was mistaken.
Didn’t you tell me I’d recognize the man
By the Athenian clothes he was wearing?
And my mission has turned out to be so innocent
That I have anointed an Athenian’s eyes:
And I’m glad it turned out this way,
Since I find their arguing entertaining.

OBERON.
You see these lovers looking for a place to fight.
So hurry, Robin, cover the night;
Hide the starry sky right now
With thick fog, as dark as Acheron,
And lead these angry rivals off course
So they don’t cross paths.
Sometimes speak like Lysander,
Then provoke Demetrius with cruel tricks;
And sometimes insult like Demetrius.
Lead them away from each other like this,
Until a death-like sleep
Creeps in with heavy legs and bat-like wings.
Then crush this herb into Lysander’s eye,
Whose juice has this amazing power,
To remove all confusion with its strength
And restore his vision to normal.
When they wake up next, all this chaos
Will seem like a dream and a pointless vision;
And the lovers will head back to Athens,
With a bond that will last until death.
While I handle this task for you,
I’ll go to my queen and ask for her Indian boy;
Then I’ll free her enchanted eye
From the monster’s sight, and everything will be peaceful.

PUCK.
My fairy lord, we need to do this quickly,
Because night’s fast shadows race across the sky;
And there shines the dawn’s first light,
At which ghosts roaming here and there
Head back to their graves. All the damned spirits,
Buried in crossroads and floods,
Have already gone to their wormy beds;
Terrified of having their shames revealed by day,
They willingly exile themselves from the light,
And must forever join the darkness of night.

OBERON.
But we're spirits of a different kind:
I've often played with the morning's love;
And just like a forester, I can wander
Right up to the eastern gate, all bright red,
Opening up to Neptune with beautiful shining beams,
Turning his salt-green streams into yellow gold.
But still, hurry up, don't waste any time.
We might wrap this up before day breaks.

[Exit Oberon.]

PUCK.
    Up and down, up and down,
    I’ll guide them up and down.
    I’m feared in fields and towns.
    Goblin, take them up and down.
Here comes one.

Enter Lysander.

LYSANDER.
Where are you, proud Demetrius? Speak now.

PUCK.
Here, villain, ready and waiting. Where are you?

LYSANDER.
I'll be right there with you.

PUCK.
Follow me to a clearer space.

[Exit Lysander following the voice.]

Enter Demetrius.

DEMETRIUS.
Lysander, say something again.
You runaway, you coward, have you run away?
Speak. Are you hiding in some bushes? Where are you hiding?

PUCK.
You coward, are you boasting to the stars,
Telling the bushes that you're looking for a fight,
And won't come? Come on, you coward, come, you kid!
I’ll beat you with a stick. He is disgraceful
Who draws a sword on you.

Demetrius.
Yeah, are you there?

PUCK.
Follow my voice; we won’t test any strength here.

[Exit.]

Enter Lysander.

LYSANDER.
He walks ahead of me and still challenges me;
When I get to where he calls, he’s disappeared.
That jerk is way quicker than I am:
I followed closely, but he ran away faster,
Now I’ve fallen into this dark, uneven path,
And I’ll rest here. Come, sweet day!
[Lies down.] Because if you just show me your
grey light once,
I’ll find Demetrius and get back at him for this.

Sleeping.

Enter Puck and Demetrius.

PUCK.
Ha, ha, ha! Coward, why aren't you coming?

DEMETRIUS.
Stay here if you dare; because I know well
You keep running from me, dodging everywhere,
And you don’t have the guts to stand or look me in the face.
Where are you?

PUCK.
Come here; I’m here.

DEMETRIUS.
Well, then, you're just mocking me. You'll pay a high price for this
If I ever see your face in daylight:
Now go ahead. I'm feeling weak
And need to stretch out on this cold bed.
As day comes, expect to be visited.

Lies down and sleeps.

Enter Helena.

HELENA.
O tired night, O long and exhausting night,
    Slow down the hours! Shine, comforts, from the east,
So I can return to Athens by daylight,
    Away from those my poor companions can’t stand.
And sleep, that sometimes closes sorrow’s eye,
Take me away for a while from my own company.

Sleeping.

PUCK.
    Just three? Let's add one more.
    Two of each type adds up to four.
    Here she comes, angry and upset.
    Cupid's a mischievous little guy
    For driving poor women crazy.

Enter Hermia.

HERMIA.
Never been so tired, never been so heartbroken,
   Drenched in dew and scratched by thorns,
I can't crawl any further, can't go on;
   My legs can't keep up with what I want.
Here I’ll rest until dawn breaks.
Heaven protect Lysander, if they plan a fight!

Lies down.

PUCK.
         On the ground
         Sleep well.
         I’ll put
         Something in
       Your eye,
       Sweet lover, a cure.

Squeezing the juice from Lysander’s eye.

When you wake up,
         You find
         True joy
         In the gaze
       Of your former lady’s eye.
       And the well-known saying,
       That every man should have his own,
       Will be proven when you wake:
         Jack will have Jill;
         Nothing will go wrong;
The man will have his mare back, and all will be well.

[Exit Puck.]

Lysander, Demetrius, Helena, and Hermia are still asleep.

Enter Titania and Bottom; Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, Mustardseed and other Fairies present; Oberon behind, unseen.

TITANIA.
Come, sit down on this flowery bed,
While I caress your lovely cheeks,
And put musk roses in your sleek, smooth hair,
And kiss your beautiful, big ears, my sweet joy.

BOTTOM.
Where's Peaseblossom?

PEASEBLOSSOM.
Set.

BOTTOM.
Scratch my head, Peaseblossom. Where's Monsieur Cobweb?

COBWEB.
Set.

BOTTOM.
Hey, Cobweb; good sir, grab your weapons and kill me a red-hipped humble-bee on top of a thistle; and, please, bring me the honey-bag. Don’t stress too much while doing it, sir; and be careful not to break the honey-bag; I wouldn’t want you to get drenched in honey, my friend. Where’s Mustardseed?

MUSTARDSEED.
All set.

BOTTOM.
Give me your hand, Mr. Mustardseed. Please, drop the formalities, good sir.

MUSTARDSEED.
What do you want?

BOTTOM.
Nothing, good sir, but to help Cavalery Cobweb scratch. I need to go to the barber’s, sir, because I think I’m really hairy on my face; and I’m such a sensitive guy, if my hair just tickles me, I have to scratch.

TITANIA.
What, do you want to hear some music, my sweet love?

BOTTOM.
I have a pretty good ear for music. Let's get the tongs and the bones.

TITANIA.
Or tell me, my sweet love, what you want to eat.

BOTTOM.
Honestly, a lot of food; I could snack on your nice dry oats. I really want a bundle of hay: good hay, sweet hay, there's nothing like it.

TITANIA.
I have a brave fairy who will search
The squirrel’s stash and bring you new nuts.

BOTTOM.
I would prefer to have a handful or two of dried peas. But please, make sure none of your people bother me; I'm feeling really sleepy.

TITANIA.
Sleep now, and I'll hold you in my arms.
Fairies, leave, and stay away.
Just like the woodbine wraps around the sweet honeysuckle
Gently entwining, the female ivy
Wraps around the rough bark of the elm.
Oh, how I love you! How I adore you!

They are sleeping.

Oberon moves forward. Enter Puck.

OBERON.
Hey, good Robin. Do you see this sweet sight?
I’m starting to feel sorry for her foolishness.
Because, when I saw her recently behind the woods,
Looking for sweet favors for this annoying fool,
I scolded her and had a fight with her:
Because she had just crowned his hairy head
With a wreath of fresh and fragrant flowers;
And that same dew, which once on the buds
Used to swell like round and shining pearls,
Was now sitting in the little flower’s eyes,
Like tears that mourn their own disgrace.
After I had teased her to my heart's content,
And she politely begged for my patience,
I then asked her for her changeling child;
Which she immediately gave me, and her fairy sent
To take him to my place in fairyland.
And now that I have the boy, I will fix
This annoying flaw in her eyes.
And, gentle Puck, take this transformed scalp
Off the head of this Athenian young man,
So that when he awakens with the others,
He can go back to Athens right away,
And think no more about tonight's events
Except as the annoying frustration of a dream.
But first, I will release the Fairy Queen.

[i]Touching her eyes with an herb.[/i]

Be as you used to be;
    See as you used to see.
    Diana’s bud over Cupid’s flower
    Has such strength and blessed power.
Now, my Titania, wake up, my sweet queen.

TITANIA.
My Oberon, what visions have I seen!
I thought I had fallen in love with a donkey.

OBERON.
There is your love.

TITANIA.
How did these things happen?
Oh, how I now hate the sight of his face!

OBERON.
Wait a moment.—Robin, remove this head.
Titania, summon the music; and make them feel
More lifeless than ordinary sleep, of all these five the senses.

TITANIA.
Hey, music, music that soothes me to sleep.

PUCK.
Now when you wake up, look with your own foolish eyes.

OBERON.
Audio, music.

[Still music.]

Come, my queen, take my hand,
And walk the ground where these sleepers lie.
Now you and I are friends,
And tomorrow at midnight we will
Dance triumphantly in Duke Theseus’ house,
And wish for all the best for everyone:
There, the loyal lovers will
Get married with Theseus, all in joy.

PUCK.
    Fairy king, listen up.
    I hear the morning lark.

OBERON.
    Then, my queen, in quiet sorrow,
    Let’s follow the night’s darkness.
    We can circle the globe quickly,
    Faster than the wandering moon.

TITANIA.
Come, my lord, and as we fly,
Tell me how it happened tonight
That I was found sleeping here
With these humans on the ground.

[They exit. Horns sound inside.]

Enter Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus and Train.

THESEUS.
Go, someone find the forester;
Our watch is done;
And since we have the front of the day,
My love will hear the music of my hounds.
Let them loose in the western valley; let them go.
Hurry up and find the forester.

[Exit a Attendant.]

We will, dear queen, go up to the mountain's peak,
And listen to the harmonious chaos
Of hounds and echoes together.

HIPPOLYTA.
I was once with Hercules and Cadmus,
When they chased a bear in a Cretan forest
With hounds from Sparta. I’ve never heard
Such brave banter; it felt like all around us—
The woods, the skies, the streams, every nearby place—
Joined in one loud shout. I’ve never heard
Such a beautiful mix of sounds, such sweet thunder.

THESEUS.
My dogs are bred from the Spartan breed,
So well-groomed, so sandy; and their ears hang low,
Just like they sweep the morning dew;
With bent legs and loose skin like Thessalian bulls;
Slow to chase, but their barking is as sweet as bells,
Each voice blending with the others. You’ve never heard a sound
More beautiful than this, nor one cheered by a horn,
In Crete, in Sparta, or in Thessaly.
You’ll see for yourself when you listen. But wait, who are these nymphs?

EGEUS.
My lord, this is my daughter asleep here,
And this is Lysander; this is Demetrius;
This is Helena, old Nedar’s Helena:
I wonder why they are all here together.

THESEUS.
I'm sure they got up early to see
The May celebration; and, hearing what we plan,
Came here to honor our ceremony.
But go ahead, Egeus; isn't this the day
When Hermia is supposed to share her decision?

EGEUS.
Yes, my lord.

THESEUS.
Go, tell the hunters to wake them with their horns.

Horns, and shout within. Demetrius, Lysander, Hermia and Helena wake up and get startled.

Good morning, friends. Valentine's Day is over.
Are these birds just starting to pair up now?

LYSANDER.
Excuse me, my lord.

He and the others kneel to Theseus.

THESEUS.
I ask you all to stand up.
I know you two are bitter rivals.
How is it that there’s such a peaceful agreement in the world,
That hate is so far from jealousy
That it can rest beside hate, without fearing any hostility?

LYSANDER.
My lord, I’m honestly surprised,
Half asleep, half awake; but honestly, I swear,
I can’t really say how I ended up here.
But, as I think about it (and I really mean to say)
And now I remember, it’s true:
I came here with Hermia. Our plan
Was to leave Athens, where we could be
Safe from the risks of Athenian law.

EGEUS.
That’s enough, my lord; you have enough.
I demand the law, the law against him.
They would have run away, they would, Demetrius,
In doing so, they would have cheated you and me:
You of your wife, and me of my approval,
Of my approval that she should be your wife.

DEMETRIUS.
My lord, beautiful Helen told me about their secret plans,
About their purpose to come to this forest;
And in my anger, I followed them here,
With lovely Helena in my thoughts.
But, my good lord, I don’t know what caused this,
(Some force is at play) my love for Hermia,
Has melted away like snow, and now seems
As just a memory of a silly trinket
That I used to adore as a child;
And all the faith, the good in my heart,
The object and joy of my sight,
Is only Helena. To her, my lord,
I was engaged before I even met Hermia.
But like a disease, I despised this love.
Now that I'm well again, it feels natural to me,
I want it, love it, long for it,
And I will always be true to it.

THESEUS.
Hey there, lovers, it’s great to see you all together.
We’ll hear more about this conversation soon.
Egeus, I’m going to override your wishes;
Because in the temple, shortly with us,
These couples will be joined together forever.
And since the morning is getting on,
We’ll postpone our planned hunt.
Let’s head back to Athens. Three by three,
We’ll have a big feast with great ceremony.
Come on, Hippolyta.

[Exit Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus and Train.]

DEMETRIUS.
These things seem minor and hard to tell apart,
Like distant mountains transformed into clouds.

HERMIA.
I feel like I'm seeing everything as if through two lenses,
When everything looks like a duplicate.

HELENA.
That's how I feel.
And I have found Demetrius like a jewel,
Mine and yet not mine.

DEMETRIUS.
Are you sure
That we’re awake? It feels to me
Like we’re still sleeping, dreaming. Don’t you think
The Duke was here and told us to follow him?

HERMIA.
Yeah, and my dad.

HELENA.
And Hippolyta.

LYSANDER.
And he told us to follow to the temple.

DEMETRIUS.
Well, we're awake now: let's follow him,
And while we're at it, let's share our dreams.

[Exit.]

BOTTOM.
[Waking.] When it’s my turn, call me, and I’ll respond. My next line is ‘Most fair Pyramus.’ Heigh-ho! Peter Quince! Flute, the bellows-maker! Snout, the tinker! Starveling! Goodness! I’ve snuck away and left me sleeping! I’ve had a truly amazing vision. I’ve had a dream that’s beyond anyone’s ability to describe. A person would be a fool to try to explain this dream. I thought I was—no one can say what that was. I thought I was, and I thought I had—but a person would be a complete idiot if they tried to say what I thought I had. The human eye hasn’t heard, the human ear hasn’t seen, a human hand can’t taste, his tongue can’t grasp, nor his heart report what my dream was. I’ll ask Peter Quince to write a ballad about this dream: it’ll be called ‘Bottom’s Dream’, because it has no limits; and I’ll sing it at the end of a play, in front of the Duke. Perhaps, to make it more appealing, I’ll sing it at her death.

[Log out.]

Enter Quince, Flute, Snout and Starveling.

QUINCE.
Have you gone to Bottom’s house? Is he back home yet?

STARVELING.
He can't be found. No question, he must be gone.

FLUTE.
If he doesn't come, then the play is ruined. It doesn't continue, does it?

QUINCE.
That's impossible. There's not a single man in all of Athens who can play Pyramus except for him.

FLUTE.
No, he has simply the best humor of any craftsman in Athens.

QUINCE.
Yeah, and the best guy too, and he has a really beautiful voice.

FLUTE.
You have to say "paragon." A "paramour" is, thank God, something worthless.

Enter Snug.

SNUG
Guys, the Duke is coming from the temple, and there are a couple more lords and ladies who just got married. If our plan had gone ahead, we would all have been set for life.

FLUTE.
Oh, sweet bully Bottom! He would have lost sixpence a day his whole life; there’s no way he could have avoided losing that. If the Duke hadn’t given him sixpence a day for playing Pyramus, I’ll be hanged. He definitely deserved it: sixpence a day for Pyramus, or nothing at all.

Enter Bottom.

BOTTOM.
Where are these guys? Where are these hearts?

QUINCE.
Bottom! Oh what a bold day! Oh what a joyous hour!

BOTTOM.
Masters, I’m here to talk about amazing things: but don’t ask me what they are; because if I tell you, I’m not a true Athenian. I’ll share everything, just as it happened.

QUINCE.
Let's hear it, sweet Bottom.

BOTTOM.
Not a word from me. All I’ll say is that the Duke has had dinner. Get your costumes ready, nice ties for your beards, new ribbons for your shoes; meet right away at the palace; everyone should review their lines. The bottom line is, our play has been chosen. In any case, let Thisbe wear clean linens; and the guy playing the lion shouldn't trim his nails, because they'll need to look like a lion's claws. And dear actors, don't eat any onions or garlic, because we want to have fresh breath; and I have no doubt they’ll say it’s a charming comedy. No more talking. Let's go!

[They exit.]

Enter Theseus, Hippolyta, Philostrate, Lords and Guests.

HIPPOLYTA.
It's strange, my Theseus, what these lovers are talking about.

THESEUS.
Stranger than fiction. I can hardly believe
These old tales or these fairy trinkets.
Lovers and madmen have such wild minds,
Such vivid fantasies, that they grasp
More than cool reason ever understands.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet
Are all made of imagination:
One sees more demons than hell can hold;
That’s the madman: the lover, just as irrational,
Sees Helen’s beauty in a face from Egypt:
The poet’s eye, in a fine frenzy rolling,
Looks from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
And as imagination brings forth
The forms of things unknown, the poet’s pen
Shapes them into forms and gives to empty air
A physical place and a name.
Such tricks does strong imagination play,
That if it could just grasp some joy,
It understands it as a bringer of that joy.
Or in the night, imagining some fear,
How easy it is to think a bush is a bear?

HIPPOLYTA.
But all the events of the night recounted,
And all their minds transformed together,
Speak more truth than mere imaginative visions,
And become something of great significance;
Yet, still, it’s strange and remarkable.

Enter lovers: Lysander, Demetrius, Hermia and Helena.

THESEUS.
Here come the lovers, full of happiness and laughter.
Joy, dear friends, joy and new days of love
Be with you!

LYSANDER.
More than to us
Stay in your royal paths, your table, your bed!

THESEUS.
Come on; what performances, what dances shall we have,
To pass the long three hours
Between our after-dinner and bedtime?
Where is our usual fun director?
What celebrations do we have planned? Is there no show
To lighten the pain of this dragging hour?
Call Philostrate.

PHILOSTRATE.
Here, powerful Theseus.

THESEUS.
So, what plans do you have for this evening?
What performance? What music? How shall we pass
The slow time, if not with some fun?

PHILOSTRATE.
There are many sports ready to enjoy.
Please choose which one you’d like to see first, Your Highness.

Presenting a paper.

THESEUS.
[Reads] ‘The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung
By an Athenian eunuch to the harp.’
We don’t want any of that. I’ve already told my love
About the glory of my relative Hercules.
‘The chaos of the drunken Bacchanals,
Tearing the Thracian singer in their fury?’
That’s an old trick, and it was performed
When I last returned from Thebes as a victor.
‘The three Muses mourning for the death
Of knowledge, recently passed away in poverty.’
That’s some sharp satire, critical and pointed,
Not fitting for a wedding ceremony.
‘A long, boring scene of young Pyramus
And his love Thisbe; very tragically funny.’
Funny and tragic? Boring and short?
That’s like hot ice and incredibly strange snow.
How are we supposed to find harmony in this chaos?

PHILOSTRATE.
There's a play, my lord, that's only ten words long,
Which is the shortest play I've ever seen;
But with those ten words, my lord, it’s still too long,
Making it quite boring. For in the whole play,
Not a single word fits, not one actor works.
And it’s tragical, my noble lord, it really is.
Because Pyramus in it kills himself,
And when I saw it in rehearsal, I have to admit,
It made me tear up; but even more laughter
Is shed from the ridiculousness of it all.

THESEUS.
Who are the ones playing it?

PHILOSTRATE.
Tough guys who work in Athens here,
Who’ve never put in the mental effort until now;
And now have stretched their tired memories
With this same play for your wedding.

And we'll hear it.

PHILOSTRATE.
No, my noble lord,
It’s not meant for you: I’ve listened to it again,
And it’s nothing, nothing at all;
Unless you can find amusement in their aims,
Heavily forced and rehearsed with great struggle
To serve you.

THESEUS.
I want to see that play;
Because nothing can go wrong
When simplicity and duty bring it forward.
Go, bring them in: and take your seats, ladies.

[Exit Philostrate.]

HIPPOLYTA.
I hate to see suffering too intense,
And duty dying in its service.

THESEUS.
Why, my dear, you won't see anything like that.

HIPPOLYTA.
He says they can't do anything like this.

THESEUS.
We're nice enough to thank them for nothing.
Our fun will be to take what they misunderstand:
And what poor duty can't accomplish, noble respect
Achieves through strength, not worthiness.
Where I've arrived, great scholars have planned
To greet me with rehearsed welcomes;
Where I've seen them shiver and go pale,
Pause in the middle of sentences,
Choke on their practiced accents out of fear,
And finally, awkwardly break off,
Not giving me a proper welcome. Believe me, dear,
From this silence, I still found a welcome;
And in the modesty of fearful duty
I read as much as from the blabbering tongue
Of bold and brash eloquence.
Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity
Speak the most to my understanding.

Enter Philostrate.

PHILOSTRATE.
If it pleases you, Your Grace, the Prologue is ready.

Theseus.
Let him come closer.

Trumpet fanfare. Enter the Prologue.

PROLOGUE
If we offend, it's with good intentions.
You should know we’re not here to upset you,
But to share our simple skills,
Which is truly where our story begins.
So understand, we’re here, albeit reluctantly.
We’re not here to please you,
Our real purpose is all for your enjoyment.
We do not wish for you to regret being here,
The actors are ready, and through their performance,
You’ll discover everything you’re meant to know.

THESEUS.
This guy doesn't get caught up in details.

LYSANDER.
He has delivered his prologue like a wild horse; he doesn't know when to pause. A good lesson, my lord: it's not enough to speak, but to speak honestly.

HIPPOLYTA.
He has truly played this prologue like a kid with a recorder; it makes noise, but it's not controlled.

THESEUS.
His speech was like a messy chain; everything was intact, but it was all mixed up. Who’s next?

Enter Pyramus and Thisbe, Wall, Moonlight and Lion as in a silent performance.

PROLOGUE
Ladies and gentlemen, you might be curious about this performance;
But stay curious until the truth makes everything clear.
This man is Pyramus, if you want to know;
This beautiful lady is definitely Thisbe.
This man, with lime and rough-cast, presents
The Wall, that wretched wall that kept these lovers apart;
And through Wall’s gap, poor souls, they are happy
To whisper, so let no one be surprised.
This man, with a lantern, dog, and a bush of thorns,
Represents Moonshine, because, if you want to know,
By moonlight, these lovers thought it no shame
To meet at Ninus’ tomb, there, to woo.
This terrifying creature (known as Lion)
Terrified the gentle Thisbe, who arrived first at night,
And scared her away, or rather frightened her;
And as she ran, she dropped her cloak;
Which the vile Lion stained with his bloody mouth.
Soon comes Pyramus, sweet and tall,
And finds his dear Thisbe’s cloak covered in blood;
So with his sword, with that blameworthy sword,
He bravely pierced his own bloody heart;
And Thisbe, hiding in the mulberry shade,
Drew his dagger and died. As for the rest,
Let Lion, Moonshine, Wall, and the two lovers,
Freely share their stories while they remain here.

[Exit Prologue, Pyramus, Thisbe, Lion and Moonshine.]

THESEUS.
I wonder if the lion will be speaking.

DEMETRIUS.
It's not surprising, my lord. One lion can prevail when surrounded by many donkeys.

WALL.
In this same interlude, it happens
That I, named Snout, present a wall:
And it’s a wall you should imagine
That has a cranny or a gap,
Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisbe,
Would often whisper very secretly.
This clay, this rough plaster, and this stone show
That I am indeed that wall; it’s the truth:
And this is the gap, right and left,
Through which the anxious lovers will whisper.

THESEUS.
Would you want lime and hair to make your speech better?

DEMETRIUS.
It’s the cleverest conversation I’ve ever heard, my lord.

THESEUS.
Pyramus is approaching the wall; quiet.

Enter Pyramus.

PYRAMUS.
O grim-looking night! O night so dark!
O night, you always exist when day isn’t!
O night, O night, oh no, oh no, oh no,
I fear my Thisbe’s promise is forgotten!
And you, O wall, O sweet, O lovely wall,
That stands between her father’s property and mine;
You wall, O wall, O sweet and lovely wall,
Show me your crack, so I can peek through with my eyes.

[Wall raises his fingers.]

Thanks, kind wall: May Jove protect you for this!
But what do I see? I don't see Thisbe.
O wicked wall, through whom I see no happiness,
Cursed be your stones for deceiving me like this!

THESEUS.
The wall, I think, being aware, should curse again.

PYRAMUS.
No, really, sir, he shouldn't. "Deceiving me" is Thisbe’s cue: she’s about to come in, and I’m supposed to see her through the wall. You'll see it will go just as I said. Here she comes.

Enter Thisbe.

THISBE.
O wall, you've often heard me sigh,
For separating my beautiful Pyramus and me.
My cherry lips have often kissed your stones,
Your stones held together with lime and hair.

PYRAMUS.
I can hear a voice; now I’ll go to the gap,
To see if I can catch a glimpse of Thisbe’s face.
Thisbe?

THISBE.
You are my love, I believe.

PYRAMUS.
Think what you want, I am your lover’s gift;
And like Limander, I am still loyal.

THISBE.
And I like Helen, until fate takes me out.

PYRAMUS.
No one was as loyal to Procrus as Shafalus.

THISBE.
Like Shafalus was to Procrus, so am I to you.

PYRAMUS.
Oh, kiss me through the hole in this awful wall.

THISBE.
I kiss the hole in the wall, not your lips at all.

PYRAMUS.
Will you meet me at Ninny’s tomb right away?

THISBE.
In life or in death, I'm coming right away.

WALL.
I've done my part, I, Wall, it's true;
And now that it's over, Wall will take his leave.

[Exit Wall, Pyramus and Thisbe.]

THESEUS.
Now the wall is down between the two neighbors.

DEMETRIUS.
There's no fixing it, my lord, when the walls are so stubborn to listen without any notice.

HIPPOLYTA.
This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

THESEUS.
The best in this category are just shadows; and the worst aren't any worse, if imagination improves them.

HIPPOLYTA.
It must be your imagination and not theirs.

THESEUS.
If we think no less of them than they do of themselves, they can be considered great men. Here come two noble creatures, a man and a lion.

Enter Lion and Moonshine.

LION.
You, ladies, you, who are so tenderhearted that you fear
Even the tiniest monstrous mouse that scurries on the floor,
May now, perhaps, both shake and tremble here,
When a fierce lion in wild rage roars.
So know that I, Snug the joiner, am
A fierce lion, and nothing else could create a lion's mother;
Because if I were to enter this place as a lion,
It would be a shame for my life.

THESEUS.
A very gentle creature, and of a good heart.

DEMETRIUS.
The best at handling a wild animal, my lord, that I've ever seen.

LYSANDER.
This lion is really clever for his bravery.

THESEUS.
That's true; and a goose for his judgment.

DEMETRIUS.
Not at all, my lord, because his bravery can't support his judgment, and the fox gets the goose.

THESEUS.
I’m sure his judgment can’t match his bravery, just like a goose can’t outsmart a fox. That’s fine; let’s leave it to his judgment and enjoy the moon.

MOONSHINE.
This lantern shows the horned moon.

DEMETRIUS.
He should have worn the horns on his head.

THESEUS.
He isn’t a crescent moon, and you can’t see his horns within the circle.

MOONSHINE.
This lantern shows the horned moon;
I appear to be the man in the moon.

THESEUS.
This is the biggest mistake of all; the guy should be put in the lantern. How else would he be the man in the moon?

DEMETRIUS.
He doesn't dare go there for the candle because, as you can see, it's already been snuffed out.

HIPPOLYTA.
I'm tired of this moon. I wish it would change!

THESEUS.
It seems clear from his limited insight that he is fading; however, out of courtesy and for all practical reasons, we must wait.

LYSANDER.
Go ahead, Moon.

MOON.
All I have to say is that the lantern is the moon; I’m the man in the moon; this thornbush is my thornbush; and this dog is my dog.

DEMETRIUS.
All of these should be in the lantern, because they're all in the moon. But shh; here comes Thisbe.

Enter Thisbe.

THISBE.
This is the grave of old Ninny. Where is my love?

LION.
Oh no!

[The Lion roars, Thisbe runs away.]

DEMETRIUS.
Well said, Lion.

Nice job, Thisbe.

HIPPOLYTA.
Wow, the moon looks amazing. Seriously, it shines beautifully.

The Lion tears Thisbe's mantle and exits.

Good job, Lion.

DEMETRIUS.
Then Pyramus showed up.

LYSANDER.
And so the lion disappeared.

Enter Pyramus.

PYRAMUS.
Sweet Moon, I thank you for your sunny rays;
I thank you, Moon, for shining so brightly now;
For, with your lovely golden, sparkling light,
I hope to catch a glimpse of my true Thisbe.
             But wait! Oh, no!
             But look, poor knight,
         What terrible sorrow is here!
             Eyes, can you see?
             How can this be?
         Oh, sweet dove! Oh no!
             Your cloak, dear,
             What, stained with blood?
         Come forth, you fierce Furies!
             Oh Fates, come, come;
             Cut thread and thrum;
         Fall, rush, finish, and destroy!

THESEUS.
This passion, along with the death of a close friend, would almost make a person look sad.

HIPPOLYTA.
I swear, I feel sorry for the guy.

PYRAMUS.
Oh, why, Nature, did you create lions,
When a vile lion has taken away my love?
Which is—no, no—which was the fairest lady
That lived, that loved, that smiled with joy.
             Come, tears, overwhelm me!
             Out, sword, and pierce
         The heart of Pyramus;
             Yes, that heart,
             Where love beats:
         Thus I die, thus, thus, thus.
             Now I am dead,
             Now I am gone;
         My soul is in the sky.
             Tongue, lose your light!
             Moon, take your leave!
         Now die, die, die, die, die.

[Dies. Exit Moonshine.]

DEMETRIUS.
No die, just an ace for him; because he's the only one.

LYSANDER.
Less than nothing, man; he's dead, he's gone.

THESEUS.
With the help of a doctor, he might still recover and show himself to be a fool.

HIPPOLYTA.
What if Moonshine leaves before Thisbe comes back and finds her lover?

She'll find him by starlight.

Enter Thisbe.

Here she comes, and her enthusiasm wraps up the show.

HIPPOLYTA.
I think she shouldn't use a long one for such a Pyramus. I hope she'll keep it short.

DEMETRIUS.
A tiny thing can tip the scale on who is better, Pyramus or Thisbe: he’s a man, for sure; she’s a woman, no doubt!

LYSANDER.
She has already seen him with those sweet eyes.

DEMETRIUS.
And thus she means, namely—

THISBE.
             Asleep, my love?
             What, dead, my dove?
         O Pyramus, wake up,
             Speak, speak. You’re so silent?
             Dead, dead? A grave
         Must hide your sweet eyes.
             These lily lips,
             This cherry nose,
         These yellow cowslip cheeks,
             Are gone, are gone!
             Lovers, mourn;
         His eyes were green like leeks.
             O Sisters Three,
             Come, come to me,
         With hands as pale as milk;
             Lay them in blood,
             Since you have cut
         With shears his thread of life.
             Tongue, not a word:
             Come, trusty sword,
         Come, blade, let me bleed;
             And goodbye, friends.
             Thus Thisbe ends.
         Farewell, farewell, farewell.

[Dies.]

THESEUS.
Moonshine and Lion are left to bury the dead.

DEMTRIUS.
Yeah, and Wall too.

BOTTOM.
No, I promise you; the wall that separated their fathers is gone. Would you like to see the epilogue, or hear a Bergomask dance performed by two of our group?

THESEUS.
No need for an epilogue, I ask you; your play doesn’t need any justification. Never justify; because when the actors are all gone, there’s no one left to blame. But honestly, if the one who wrote it had played Pyramus and hanged himself with Thisbe’s garter, it would have been quite the tragedy; and it is, truly; and it’s done remarkably well. But come on, let’s have your Bergomask; skip the epilogue.

[Here a clown dance.]

The clock just struck midnight.
Lovers, it's time for bed; it's almost fairy time.
I'm worried we’ll sleep through the morning
As much as we’ve stayed awake tonight.
This over-the-top play has really distracted
From the slow pace of the night. Sweet friends, to bed.
We’ll keep this celebration going for two weeks
With nightly fun and new joy.

[Exit.]

Enter Puck.

PUCK.
Now the hungry lion roars,
And the wolf howls at the moon;
While the tired farmer snores,
All his hard work finally done.
Now the burnt-out logs burn bright,
While the screech owl, screeching loud,
Reminds the one who lies in pain
Of a shroud and what’s allowed.
Now it's the time of night
When the graves, all wide open,
Let out their spirits, every sprite,
To glide along the churchway path.
And we fairies, who run
By the triple Hecate’s team
From the light of the sun,
Chasing darkness like a dream,
Now are playful; not a mouse
Will disturb this sacred house.
I’m sent with a broom in hand,
To sweep the dust from behind the door.

Enter Oberon and Titania with their entourage.

OBERON.
Light up the house with a shining glow,
By the quiet and sleepy fire.
Every elf and fairy sprite
Jumps as lightly as a bird from a thorn,
And this song after me,
Sing and dance it playfully.

TITANIA.
First, practice your song by memory,
To every word, add a melodic note;
Hand in hand, with fairy elegance,
We'll sing and bless this spot.

[Music and Dance.]

OBERON.
   Now, until dawn,
   Let every fairy roam through this house.
   We’ll bless the best bridal bed,
   And it shall be blessed by us;
   And the children born there
   Will always be lucky.
   So all three couples
   Will remain true in love;
   And the flaws of nature
   Will not affect their children:
   No birthmarks, cleft lips, or scars,
   Or any unusual marks that are
   Looked down upon at birth,
   Shall be found on their children.
   With this dew from the fields,
   Every fairy take your path,
   And bless each separate room,
   Throughout this palace, with sweet peace;
   And may its owner be blessed.
   It shall always rest in safety,
   So hurry along. Don’t linger;
   Meet me all at dawn.

[Oberon, Titania and Train leave.]

PUCK.
If we shadows have offended,
Just think of this, and everything will be fine,
You've only been dreaming here
While these visions appeared.
And this weak and pointless story,
Is nothing more than a dream,
Friends, please don’t blame us.
If you forgive us, we’ll make it right.
And, as I’m an honest Puck,
If we've gotten lucky by chance
And escaped the serpent’s tongue,
We’ll make things right soon;
Otherwise, call me a liar.
So, good night to you all.
Give me your hands, if we’re friends,
And Robin will make things right.

[Log Out.]