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VICTORIAN SHORT STORIES
Stories of Courtship
By Various Authors
CONTENTS
TABLE OF CONTENTS
ANGELA
An Inverted Love Story
By William Schwenk Gilbert
By W.S. Gilbert
(The Century Magazine, September 1890)
(The Century Magazine, September 1890)
I am a poor paralysed fellow who, for many years past, has been confined to a bed or a sofa. For the last six years I have occupied a small room, giving on to one of the side canals of Venice, and having no one about me but a deaf old woman, who makes my bed and attends to my food; and there I eke out a poor income of about thirty pounds a year by making water-colour drawings of flowers and fruit (they are the cheapest models in Venice), and these I send to a friend in London, who sells them to a dealer for small sums. But, on the whole, I am happy and content.
I’m a poor guy who can’t move and has been stuck in bed or on a sofa for years. For the past six years, I’ve lived in a small room overlooking one of Venice's side canals, with only a deaf old woman around who makes my bed and brings me food. I manage to make a meager income of about thirty pounds a year by painting watercolors of flowers and fruit (they're the cheapest subjects in Venice), and I send them to a friend in London who sells them to a dealer for little money. But overall, I’m happy and content.
It is necessary that I should describe the position of my room rather minutely. Its only window is about five feet above the water of the canal, and above it the house projects some six feet, and overhangs the water, the projecting portion being supported by stout piles driven into the bed of the canal. This arrangement has the disadvantage (among others) of so limiting my upward view that I am unable to see more than about ten feet of the height of the house immediately opposite to me, although, by reaching as far out of the window as my infirmity will permit, I can see for a considerable distance up and down the canal, which does not exceed fifteen feet in width. But, although I can see but little of the material house opposite, I can see its reflection upside down in the canal, and I take a good deal of inverted interest in such of its inhabitants as show themselves from time to time (always upside down) on its balconies and at its windows.
I need to describe the position of my room in detail. Its only window is about five feet above the water of the canal, and the house extends about six feet out over the water, supported by thick piles driven into the canal bed. This setup has the drawback, among others, of limiting my upward view so much that I can only see about ten feet of the height of the house directly across from me. However, by leaning as far out of the window as my condition allows, I can see quite a distance up and down the canal, which is no more than fifteen feet wide. While I can’t see much of the actual house across the way, I can see its reflection upside down in the canal, and I take a fair amount of interest in the people who occasionally appear (always upside down) on its balconies and at its windows.
When I first occupied my room, about six years ago, my attention was directed to the reflection of a little girl of thirteen or so (as nearly as I could judge), who passed every day on a balcony just above the upward range of my limited field of view. She had a glass of flowers and a crucifix on a little table by her side; and as she sat there, in fine weather, from early morning until dark, working assiduously all the time, I concluded that she earned her living by needle-work. She was certainly an industrious little girl, and, as far as I could judge by her upside-down reflection, neat in her dress and pretty. She had an old mother, an invalid, who, on warm days, would sit on the balcony with her, and it interested me to see the little maid wrap the old lady in shawls, and bring pillows for her chair, and a stool for her feet, and every now and again lay down her work and kiss and fondle the old lady for half a minute, and then take up her work again.
When I first moved into my room about six years ago, I noticed the reflection of a little girl who looked around thirteen (at least that’s what I guessed) passing by on a balcony just above my limited view. She had a vase of flowers and a crucifix on a small table next to her. She sat there in nice weather, from early morning until dark, working diligently the entire time, which made me assume she earned her living by doing needlework. She was definitely a hardworking girl and, from what I could see of her reflection, well-dressed and pretty. She had an elderly mother who was unwell, and on warm days, the old lady would join her on the balcony. I found it heartwarming to watch the girl wrap her mother in shawls, bring her pillows for her chair, and a stool for her feet. Every once in a while, she would pause her work to kiss and cuddle her mother for half a minute before going back to her sewing.
Time went by, and as the little maid grew up, her reflection grew down, and at last she was quite a little woman of, I suppose, sixteen or seventeen. I can only work for a couple of hours or so in the brightest part of the day, so I had plenty of time on my hands in which to watch her movements, and sufficient imagination to weave a little romance about her, and to endow her with a beauty which, to a great extent, I had to take for granted. I saw—or fancied that I could see—that she began to take an interest in my reflection (which, of course, she could see as I could see hers); and one day, when it appeared to me that she was looking right at it—that is to say when her reflection appeared to be looking right at me—I tried the desperate experiment of nodding to her, and to my intense delight her reflection nodded in reply. And so our two reflections became known to one another.
Time passed, and as the young maid grew up, her reflection grew smaller, and eventually, she became quite a young woman of about sixteen or seventeen. I could only work for a couple of hours during the brightest part of the day, so I had plenty of time to observe her actions, along with enough imagination to create a little romance around her, and to picture her beauty, which I had to mostly take at face value. I thought—or imagined that I could see—that she started to show interest in my reflection (which, of course, she could see just like I could see hers); and one day, when it seemed to me that she was looking directly at it—that is to say, when her reflection seemed to be looking right at me—I took the bold step of nodding to her, and to my great joy, her reflection nodded back. And so, our two reflections got to know each other.
It did not take me very long to fall in love with her, but a long time passed before I could make up my mind to do more than nod to her every morning, when the old woman moved me from my bed to the sofa at the window, and again in the evening, when the little maid left the balcony for that day. One day, however, when I saw her reflection looking at mine, I nodded to her, and threw a flower into the canal. She nodded several times in return, and I saw her direct her mother's attention to the incident. Then every morning I threw a flower into the water for 'good morning', and another in the evening for 'goodnight', and I soon discovered that I had not altogether thrown them in vain, for one day she threw a flower to join mine, and she laughed and clapped her hands when she saw the two flowers join forces and float away together. And then every morning and every evening she threw her flower when I threw mine, and when the two flowers met she clapped her hands, and so did I; but when they were separated, as they sometimes were, owing to one of them having met an obstruction which did not catch the other, she threw up her hands in a pretty affectation of despair, which I tried to imitate but in an English and unsuccessful fashion. And when they were rudely run down by a passing gondola (which happened not unfrequently) she pretended to cry, and I did the same. Then, in pretty pantomime, she would point downwards to the sky to tell me that it was Destiny that had caused the shipwreck of our flowers, and I, in pantomime, not nearly so pretty, would try to convey to her that Destiny would be kinder next time, and that perhaps tomorrow our flowers would be more fortunate—and so the innocent courtship went on. One day she showed me her crucifix and kissed it, and thereupon I took a little silver crucifix that always stood by me, and kissed that, and so she knew that we were one in religion.
It didn’t take me long to fall in love with her, but it took a while before I gathered the courage to do more than just nod at her every morning when the old woman moved me from my bed to the sofa by the window, and again in the evening when the little maid finished for the day. One day, though, when I saw her reflection looking back at mine, I nodded at her and tossed a flower into the canal. She nodded several times in reply and I saw her draw her mother’s attention to what I had done. After that, every morning I tossed a flower into the water for "good morning," and another in the evening for "goodnight." I soon realized that my gestures weren’t entirely in vain, because one day she threw a flower to join mine, laughing and clapping her hands when she saw our two flowers float away together. From then on, every morning and every evening, she tossed her flower when I tossed mine, and when our flowers met, we both clapped our hands. But when they got separated, which happened sometimes because one of them hit something and the other didn’t, she raised her hands in a charming display of despair, which I tried to mimic, though not as gracefully. And when our flowers were rudely run over by a passing gondola (which happened quite often), she pretended to cry, and I did the same. Then, in a cute pantomime, she would point downward to the sky to suggest that it was Destiny that caused our flowers’ shipwreck, and I, in a much less graceful way, would attempt to let her know that Destiny would be kinder next time, hoping that maybe tomorrow our flowers would have better luck—and so this innocent courtship continued. One day she showed me her crucifix and kissed it, so I took a small silver crucifix that I always kept nearby and kissed that as well, letting her know that we shared the same faith.
One day the little maid did not appear on her balcony, and for several days I saw nothing of her; and although I threw my flowers as usual, no flower came to keep it company. However, after a time, she reappeared, dressed in black, and crying often, and then I knew that the poor child's mother was dead, and, as far as I knew, she was alone in the world. The flowers came no more for many days, nor did she show any sign of recognition, but kept her eyes on her work, except when she placed her handkerchief to them. And opposite to her was the old lady's chair, and I could see that, from time to time, she would lay down her work and gaze at it, and then a flood of tears would come to her relief. But at last one day she roused herself to nod to me, and then her flower came, day by day, and my flower went forth to join it, and with varying fortunes the two flowers sailed away as of yore.
One day the little maid didn’t come out onto her balcony, and for several days I didn’t see her at all; and even though I tossed my flowers as usual, none came to keep her company. After a while, she showed up again, dressed in black and often crying, and that’s when I realized that the poor girl’s mother had passed away, and, as far as I knew, she was all alone in the world. The flowers didn’t come for many days, nor did she show any sign of recognition, but kept her eyes on her work, except when she used her handkerchief. In front of her was the old lady’s chair, and I could see that occasionally she would stop her work and stare at it, and then tears would come to comfort her. But finally, one day she gathered herself to nod at me, and then her flower came back, day by day, and my flower went out to join it, and with different fortunes the two flowers drifted away like before.
But the darkest day of all to me was when a good-looking young gondolier, standing right end uppermost in his gondola (for I could see him in the flesh), worked his craft alongside the house, and stood talking to her as she sat on the balcony. They seemed to speak as old friends—indeed, as well as I could make out, he held her by the hand during the whole of their interview which lasted quite half an hour. Eventually he pushed off, and left my heart heavy within me. But I soon took heart of grace, for as soon as he was out of sight, the little maid threw two flowers growing on the same stem—an allegory of which I could make nothing, until it broke upon me that she meant to convey to me that he and she were brother and sister, and that I had no cause to be sad. And thereupon I nodded to her cheerily, and she nodded to me, and laughed aloud, and I laughed in return, and all went on again as before.
But the darkest day for me was when a handsome young gondolier, standing at the front of his gondola (because I could see him in person), maneuvered his boat next to the house and chatted with her while she sat on the balcony. They seemed to talk like old friends—actually, as far as I could tell, he held her hand the entire time during their conversation, which lasted about half an hour. Eventually, he pushed off, and my heart felt heavy. But I soon cheered up, because as soon as he was out of sight, the little maid tossed me two flowers growing from the same stem—an allegory I couldn't quite understand until it hit me that she was trying to tell me they were brother and sister, and I had no reason to be upset. So, I nodded at her cheerfully, and she nodded back, laughing out loud, and I laughed in return, and everything went back to normal.
Then came a dark and dreary time, for it became necessary that I should undergo treatment that confined me absolutely to my bed for many days, and I worried and fretted to think that the little maid and I should see each other no longer, and worse still, that she would think that I had gone away without even hinting to her that I was going. And I lay awake at night wondering how I could let her know the truth, and fifty plans flitted through my brain, all appearing to be feasible enough at night, but absolutely wild and impracticable in the morning. One day—and it was a bright day indeed for me—the old woman who tended me told me that a gondolier had inquired whether the English signor had gone away or had died; and so I learnt that the little maid had been anxious about me, and that she had sent her brother to inquire, and the brother had no doubt taken to her the reason of my protracted absence from the window.
Then came a dark and gloomy time when I had to go through treatment that kept me stuck in bed for many days. I worried and stressed about not being able to see the little maid anymore. Even worse, I feared she would think I had left without giving her any notice. I lay awake at night, trying to figure out how to let her know the truth. Dozens of plans crossed my mind, all seeming doable at night, but completely crazy and impossible by morning. One day—and it was a truly bright day for me—the old woman who took care of me told me that a gondolier had asked if the English gentleman had gone away or had died. That’s when I found out that the little maid had been worried about me and had sent her brother to check on me, and he must have told her why I had been absent from the window for so long.
From that day, and ever after during my three weeks of bed-keeping, a flower was found every morning on the ledge of my window, which was within easy reach of anyone in a boat; and when at last a day came when I could be moved, I took my accustomed place on my sofa at the window, and the little maid saw me, and stood on her head (so to speak) and clapped her hands upside down with a delight that was as eloquent as my right-end-up delight could be. And so the first time the gondolier passed my window I beckoned to him, and he pushed alongside, and told me, with many bright smiles, that he was glad indeed to see me well again. Then I thanked him and his sister for their many kind thoughts about me during my retreat, and I then learnt from him that her name was Angela, and that she was the best and purest maiden in all Venice, and that anyone might think himself happy indeed who could call her sister, but that he was happier even than her brother, for he was to be married to her, and indeed they were to be married the next day.
From that day on, during the three weeks I spent in bed, a flower appeared every morning on the ledge of my window, which was within easy reach of anyone in a boat. Finally, the day came when I could be moved, and I took my usual spot on the sofa by the window. The little maid saw me, and she literally flipped with joy, clapping her hands in a way that matched my own excitement. When the gondolier passed my window for the first time, I waved him over, and he paddled close, smiling brightly as he told me how happy he was to see me doing well again. I thanked him and his sister for all their kind thoughts while I was recuperating. He then told me her name was Angela and that she was the best and purest girl in all of Venice. Anyone would be lucky to call her sister, but he was even luckier than her brother because he was going to marry her, and they were set to get married the next day.
Thereupon my heart seemed to swell to bursting, and the blood rushed through my veins so that I could hear it and nothing else for a while. I managed at last to stammer forth some words of awkward congratulation, and he left me, singing merrily, after asking permission to bring his bride to see me on the morrow as they returned from church.
Then my heart felt like it was going to burst, and the blood rushed through my veins so loud that it drowned out everything else for a bit. I finally managed to stumble out some clumsy congratulations, and he left me, singing happily, after asking if he could bring his bride to see me tomorrow as they came back from church.
'For', said he, 'my Angela has known you very long—ever since she was a child, and she has often spoken to me of the poor Englishman who was a good Catholic, and who lay all day long for years and years on a sofa at a window, and she had said over and over again how dearly she wished she could speak to him and comfort him; and one day, when you threw a flower into the canal, she asked me whether she might throw another, and I told her yes, for he would understand that it meant sympathy for one sorely afflicted.'
"For," he said, "my Angela has known you for a long time—ever since she was a kid, and she has often told me about the poor Englishman who was a good Catholic, and who lay on a sofa by the window all day long for years and years. She has said repeatedly how much she wished she could talk to him and comfort him; and one day, when you threw a flower into the canal, she asked me if she could throw another one, and I told her yes, because he would understand that it meant sympathy for someone who was very troubled."
And so I learned that it was pity, and not love, except indeed such love as is akin to pity, that prompted her to interest herself in my welfare, and there was an end of it all.
And so I realized that it was pity, not love—except for a kind of love that's close to pity—that made her care about my well-being, and that was the end of it all.
For the two flowers that I thought were on one stem were two flowers tied together (but I could not tell that), and they were meant to indicate that she and the gondolier were affianced lovers, and my expressed pleasure at this symbol delighted her, for she took it to mean that I rejoiced in her happiness.
For the two flowers that I thought were on one stem were actually two flowers tied together (but I couldn't tell that), and they were meant to show that she and the gondolier were engaged lovers. My apparent pleasure at this symbol made her happy because she interpreted it as me celebrating her happiness.
And the next day the gondolier came with a train of other gondoliers, all decked in their holiday garb, and on his gondola sat Angela, happy, and blushing at her happiness. Then he and she entered the house in which I dwelt, and came into my room (and it was strange indeed, after so many years of inversion, to see her with her head above her feet!), and then she wished me happiness and a speedy restoration to good health (which could never be); and I in broken words and with tears in my eyes, gave her the little silver crucifix that had stood by my bed or my table for so many years. And Angela took it reverently, and crossed herself, and kissed it, and so departed with her delighted husband.
The next day, the gondolier arrived with a group of other gondoliers, all dressed in their festive clothes, and on his gondola sat Angela, beaming and blushing with happiness. Then he and she entered the house where I lived and came into my room (it was truly strange, after so many years of being upside down, to see her with her head above her feet!), and she wished me happiness and a quick recovery (which would never happen); and I, with tears in my eyes and shaky words, gave her the little silver crucifix that had been by my bed or on my table for so many years. Angela took it with great respect, crossed herself, kissed it, and then left with her joyful husband.
And as I heard the song of the gondoliers as they went their way—the song dying away in the distance as the shadows of the sundown closed around me—I felt that they were singing the requiem of the only love that had ever entered my heart.
And as I listened to the gondoliers' song as they passed by—the melody fading into the distance as the evening shadows surrounded me—I felt like they were singing the farewell for the only love that had ever touched my heart.
THE PARSON'S DAUGHTER OF OXNEY COLNE
By Anthony Trollope
(London Review, 2 March 1861)
(London Review, March 2, 1861)
The prettiest scenery in all England—and if I am contradicted in that assertion, I will say in all Europe—is in Devonshire, on the southern and southeastern skirts of Dartmoor, where the rivers Dart and Avon and Teign form themselves, and where the broken moor is half cultivated, and the wild-looking uplands fields are half moor. In making this assertion I am often met with much doubt, but it is by persons who do not really know the locality. Men and women talk to me on the matter who have travelled down the line of railway from Exeter to Plymouth, who have spent a fortnight at Torquay, and perhaps made an excursion from Tavistock to the convict prison on Dartmoor. But who knows the glories of Chagford? Who has walked through the parish of Manaton? Who is conversant with Lustleigh Cleeves and Withycombe in the moor? Who has explored Holne Chase? Gentle reader, believe me that you will be rash in contradicting me unless you have done these things.
The most beautiful scenery in all of England—and if you disagree, I’d say in all of Europe—is in Devonshire, on the southern and southeastern edges of Dartmoor, where the rivers Dart, Avon, and Teign are formed, and where the rugged moor is partly cultivated, while the wild-looking upland fields are a mix of moorland. I often face skepticism when I say this, but it's usually from people who don’t really know the area. Men and women discuss this with me who have traveled the railway from Exeter to Plymouth, spent a couple of weeks at Torquay, and maybe taken a trip from Tavistock to the prison on Dartmoor. But who truly knows the wonders of Chagford? Who has walked through the parish of Manaton? Who is familiar with Lustleigh Cleeves and Withycombe in the moor? Who has explored Holne Chase? Dear reader, trust me, you’ll be foolish to argue with me unless you’ve experienced these places.
There or thereabouts—I will not say by the waters of which little river it is washed—is the parish of Oxney Colne. And for those who would wish to see all the beauties of this lovely country a sojourn in Oxney Colne would be most desirable, seeing that the sojourner would then be brought nearer to all that he would delight to visit, than at any other spot in the country. But there is an objection to any such arrangement. There are only two decent houses in the whole parish, and these are—or were when I knew the locality—small and fully occupied by their possessors. The larger and better is the parsonage in which lived the parson and his daughter; and the smaller is the freehold residence of a certain Miss Le Smyrger, who owned a farm of a hundred acres which was rented by one Farmer Cloysey, and who also possessed some thirty acres round her own house which she managed herself, regarding herself to be quite as great in cream as Mr. Cloysey, and altogether superior to him in the article of cider. 'But yeu has to pay no rent, Miss,' Farmer Cloysey would say, when Miss Le Smyrger expressed this opinion of her art in a manner too defiant. 'Yeu pays no rent, or yeu couldn't do it.' Miss Le Smyrger was an old maid, with a pedigree and blood of her own, a hundred and thirty acres of fee-simple land on the borders of Dartmoor, fifty years of age, a constitution of iron, and an opinion of her own on every subject under the sun.
Somewhere around there—I won’t specify which little river it’s near—is the parish of Oxney Colne. For anyone wanting to experience all the beauty of this lovely countryside, staying in Oxney Colne would be ideal, as it would put them closer to all the places they’d want to visit than anywhere else in the area. However, there’s a drawback to this idea. There are only two decent houses in the entire parish, and these are—or were when I knew the area—small and fully occupied by their owners. The larger and nicer one is the vicarage where the vicar and his daughter lived; the smaller is the freehold home of a certain Miss Le Smyrger, who owned a hundred acres of farmland rented by Farmer Cloysey, and also had about thirty acres around her own house that she managed herself, believing herself to be just as skilled in cream as Mr. Cloysey, and entirely superior to him when it came to cider. “But you don’t have to pay any rent, Miss,” Farmer Cloysey would say when Miss Le Smyrger made her views on her expertise too clear. “You pay no rent, or you couldn’t do it.” Miss Le Smyrger was an old maid, with her own lineage and heritage, a hundred and thirty acres of freehold land on the edge of Dartmoor, fifty years old, with a tough constitution and a strong opinion on every topic under the sun.
And now for the parson and his daughter. The parson's name was Woolsworthy—or Woolathy as it was pronounced by all those who lived around him—the Rev. Saul Woolsworthy; and his daughter was Patience Woolsworthy, or Miss Patty, as she was known to the Devonshire world of those parts. That name of Patience had not been well chosen for her for she was a hot-tempered damsel, warm in her convictions, and inclined to express them freely. She had but two closely intimate friends in the world, and by both of them this freedom of expression had been fully permitted to her since she was a child. Miss Le Smyrger and her father were well accustomed to her ways, and on the whole well satisfied with them. The former was equally free and equally warm-tempered as herself, and as Mr. Woolsworthy was allowed by his daughter to be quite paramount on his own subject—for he had a subject—he did not object to his daughter being paramount on all others. A pretty girl was Patience Woolsworthy at the time of which I am writing, and one who possessed much that was worthy of remark and admiration had she lived where beauty meets with admiration, or where force of character is remarked. But at Oxney Colne, on the borders of Dartmoor, there were few to appreciate her, and it seemed as though she herself had but little idea of carrying her talent further afield, so that it might not remain for ever wrapped in a blanket.
And now let’s talk about the parson and his daughter. The parson’s name was Woolsworthy—or Woolathy as the locals pronounced it—the Rev. Saul Woolsworthy; and his daughter was Patience Woolsworthy, or Miss Patty, as everyone in Devonshire referred to her. The name Patience wasn’t a great fit for her because she was a fiery young woman, passionate about her beliefs, and not afraid to share them. She had only two close friends in the world, and both had allowed her to express herself freely since childhood. Miss Le Smyrger and her father were used to her ways and generally content with them. Miss Le Smyrger was just as outspoken and hot-tempered as Patience, and since Mr. Woolsworthy was allowed by his daughter to be the authority on his own topics—because he had his interests—he didn’t mind his daughter having the upper hand on everything else. Patience Woolsworthy was an attractive girl at the time I’m writing about, one with many qualities that would have garnered attention and admiration had she lived in a place where beauty was appreciated or where strong character was recognized. But in Oxney Colne, on the edge of Dartmoor, there were few who valued her, and it seemed that she herself had little desire to showcase her talents elsewhere, keeping them hidden like a treasure under wraps.
She was a pretty girl, tall and slender, with dark eyes and black hair. Her eyes were perhaps too round for regular beauty, and her hair was perhaps too crisp; her mouth was large and expressive; her nose was finely formed, though a critic in female form might have declared it to be somewhat broad. But her countenance altogether was very attractive—if only it might be seen without that resolution for dominion which occasionally marred it, though sometimes it even added to her attractions.
She was a pretty girl, tall and slender, with dark eyes and black hair. Her eyes were maybe a bit too round for conventional beauty, and her hair was maybe a bit too crisp; her mouth was large and expressive, and her nose was well-shaped, though a critic in female form might have said it was somewhat broad. Overall, her face was very attractive—if only it could be seen without that determination for control that sometimes spoiled it, though at times it even enhanced her appeal.
It must be confessed on behalf of Patience Woolsworthy that the circumstances of her life had peremptorily called upon her to exercise dominion. She had lost her mother when she was sixteen, and had had neither brother nor sister. She had no neighbours near her fit either from education or rank to interfere in the conduct of her life, excepting always Miss Le Smyrger. Miss Le Smyrger would have done anything for her, including the whole management of her morals and of the parsonage household, had Patience been content with such an arrangement. But much as Patience had ever loved Miss Le Smyrger, she was not content with this, and therefore she had been called on to put forth a strong hand of her own. She had put forth this strong hand early, and hence had come the character which I am attempting to describe. But I must say on behalf of this girl that it was not only over others that she thus exercised dominion. In acquiring that power she had also acquired the much greater power of exercising rule over herself.
It must be admitted about Patience Woolsworthy that the circumstances of her life forced her to take charge. She lost her mother when she was sixteen and had neither brother nor sister. There were no neighbors nearby who were suitable, in terms of education or social status, to interfere in her life, except for Miss Le Smyrger. Miss Le Smyrger would have done anything for her, including managing her morals and the parsonage household, if Patience had been okay with that arrangement. But despite her affection for Miss Le Smyrger, Patience wasn't satisfied with this, and as a result, she had to step up and take control herself. She did this early on, and that's how the character I’m trying to describe came to be. But I must point out that it wasn't just others over whom she exercised control. In gaining that power, she also gained the much greater ability to have control over herself.
But why should her father have been ignored in these family arrangements? Perhaps it may almost suffice to say, that of all living men her father was the man best conversant with the antiquities of the county in which he lived. He was the Jonathan Oldbuck of Devonshire, and especially of Dartmoor,—but without that decision of character which enabled Oldbuck to keep his womenkind in some kind of subjection, and probably enabled him also to see that his weekly bill did not pass their proper limits. Our Mr. Oldbuck, of Oxney Colne, was sadly deficient in these respects. As a parish pastor with but a small cure he did his duty with sufficient energy to keep him, at any rate, from reproach. He was kind and charitable to the poor, punctual in his services, forbearing with the farmers around him, mild with his brother clergymen, and indifferent to aught that bishop or archdeacon might think or say of him. I do not name this latter attribute as a virtue, but as a fact. But all these points were as nothing in the known character of Mr. Woolsworthy, of Oxney Colne. He was the antiquarian of Dartmoor. That was his line of life. It was in that capacity that he was known to the Devonshire world; it was as such that he journeyed about with his humble carpetbag, staying away from his parsonage a night or two at a time; it was in that character that he received now and again stray visitors in the single spare bedroom—not friends asked to see him and his girl because of their friendship—but men who knew something as to this buried stone, or that old land-mark. In all these things his daughter let him have his own way, assisting and encouraging him. That was his line of life, and therefore she respected it. But in all other matters she chose to be paramount at the parsonage.
But why should her father have been overlooked in these family arrangements? Maybe it’s enough to say that, of all the living men, her father was the one most knowledgeable about the history of the county where he lived. He was like the Jonathan Oldbuck of Devonshire, especially Dartmoor—but without the kind of strong personality that kept the women in his life somewhat under control, and likely without the ability to ensure that his weekly expenses stayed in check. Our Mr. Oldbuck, of Oxney Colne, was sadly lacking in those areas. As a parish pastor with a small congregation, he fulfilled his duties with enough commitment to avoid any blame. He was kind and generous to the poor, reliable in his services, patient with the local farmers, gentle with his fellow clergymen, and indifferent to whatever a bishop or archdeacon might think or say about him. I mention this last trait not as a virtue, but as a fact. However, none of these traits mattered much in the known character of Mr. Woolsworthy, of Oxney Colne. He was the historian of Dartmoor. That was his identity. It was in that role that he was known in the Devonshire community; it was as such that he traveled with his simple carpetbag, staying away from his parsonage for a night or two at a time; it was in that capacity that he occasionally welcomed visitors in the single spare bedroom—not friends who came to see him and his daughter out of friendship—but men who had some knowledge about this ancient stone or that old landmark. In all these activities, his daughter let him take the lead, supporting and encouraging him. That was his path in life, and so she respected it. But in all other matters, she preferred to take charge at the parsonage.
Mr. Woolsworthy was a little man, who always wore, except on Sundays, grey clothes—clothes of so light a grey that they would hardly have been regarded as clerical in a district less remote. He had now reached a goodly age, being full seventy years old; but still he was wiry and active, and shewed but few symptoms of decay. His head was bald, and the few remaining locks that surrounded it were nearly white. But there was a look of energy about his mouth, and a humour in his light grey eye, which forbade those who knew him to regard him altogether as an old man. As it was, he could walk from Oxney Colne to Priestown, fifteen long Devonshire miles across the moor; and he who could do that could hardly be regarded as too old for work.
Mr. Woolsworthy was a small man who always wore grey clothes, except on Sundays—clothes in such a light shade of grey that they wouldn’t have seemed clerical in a less remote area. He had reached a respectable age, being a full seventy years old; yet he remained wiry and active, showing few signs of aging. His head was bald, and the few remaining hairs around it were almost white. However, there was an energetic look in his mouth and a spark of humor in his light grey eye that prevented those who knew him from seeing him as just an old man. He could walk from Oxney Colne to Priestown, a long fifteen-mile trek across the moor; and anyone who could do that could hardly be considered too old to work.
But our present story will have more to do with his daughter than with him. A pretty girl, I have said, was Patience Woolsworthy; and one, too, in many ways remarkable. She had taken her outlook into life, weighing the things which she had and those which she had not, in a manner very unusual, and, as a rule, not always desirable for a young lady. The things which she had not were very many. She had not society; she had not a fortune; she had not any assurance of future means of livelihood; she had not high hope of procuring for herself a position in life by marriage; she had not that excitement and pleasure in life which she read of in such books as found their way down to Oxney Colne Parsonage. It would be easy to add to the list of the things which she had not; and this list against herself she made out with the utmost vigour. The things which she had, or those rather which she assured herself of having, were much more easily counted. She had the birth and education of a lady, the strength of a healthy woman, and a will of her own. Such was the list as she made it out for herself, and I protest that I assert no more than the truth in saying that she never added to it either beauty, wit, or talent.
But our story today is more about his daughter than him. Patience Woolsworthy was a pretty girl, and in many ways, quite remarkable. She had her own perspective on life, carefully assessing what she had and what she lacked in a way that was pretty uncommon and, generally, not very desirable for a young woman. There were a lot of things she didn’t have. She didn’t have social connections; she didn’t have wealth; she didn’t have any guarantee of future financial stability; she didn’t have high hopes of securing a position in life through marriage; and she didn’t have the excitement and enjoyment in life that she read about in the novels that made their way to Oxney Colne Parsonage. It would be easy to expand on the list of what she lacked, and she put it together with a lot of intensity. The things she actually had, or those she convinced herself she had, were much simpler to count. She had the background and education of a lady, the health of a strong woman, and her own determination. This was her list, and I genuinely claim that she never included beauty, intelligence, or talent on it.
I began these descriptions by saying that Oxney Colne would, of all places, be the best spot from which a tourist could visit those parts of Devonshire, but for the fact that he could obtain there none of the accommodation which tourists require. A brother antiquarian might, perhaps, in those days have done so, seeing that there was, as I have said, a spare bedroom at the parsonage. Any intimate friend of Miss Le Smyrger's might be as fortunate, for she was also so provided at Oxney Colne, by which name her house was known. But Miss Le Smyrger was not given to extensive hospitality, and it was only to those who were bound to her, either by ties of blood or of very old friendship, that she delighted to open her doors. As her old friends were very few in number, as those few lived at a distance, and as her nearest relations were higher in the world than she was, and were said by herself to look down upon her, the visits made to Oxney Colne were few and far between.
I started by saying that Oxney Colne would be the best place for a tourist to explore Devonshire, except for the fact that there’s no accommodation available for tourists there. A fellow history enthusiast might have found a place to stay back then, since, as I mentioned, the parsonage had a spare room. Any close friend of Miss Le Smyrger could also be lucky, as her house, known by that name, had a room to spare. However, Miss Le Smyrger wasn’t one to entertain many guests; she only welcomed those closely connected to her by family or long-standing friendship. Since her old friends were very few, they lived far away, and her closest relatives were more socially prominent and reportedly looked down on her, visits to Oxney Colne were rare and infrequent.
But now, at the period of which I am writing, such a visit was about to be made. Miss Le Smyrger had a younger sister who had inherited a property in the parish of Oxney Colne equal to that of the lady who lived there; but this younger sister had inherited beauty also, and she therefore, in early life, had found sundry lovers, one of whom became her husband. She had married a man even then well to do in the world, but now rich and almost mighty; a Member of Parliament, a Lord of this and that board, a man who had a house in Eaton Square, and a park in the north of England; and in this way her course of life had been very much divided from that of our Miss Le Smyrger. But the Lord of the Government board had been blessed with various children, and perhaps it was now thought expedient to look after Aunt Penelope's Devonshire acres. Aunt Penelope was empowered to leave them to whom she pleased; and though it was thought in Eaton Square that she must, as a matter of course, leave them to one of the family, nevertheless a little cousinly intercourse might make the thing more certain. I will not say that this was the sole cause for such a visit, but in these days a visit was to be made by Captain Broughton to his aunt. Now Captain John Broughton was the second son of Alfonso Broughton, of Clapham Park and Eaton Square, Member of Parliament, and Lord of the aforesaid Government Board.
But now, during the time I’m writing about, such a visit was about to happen. Miss Le Smyrger had a younger sister who inherited property in the parish of Oxney Colne equal to that of the lady living there; but this younger sister also inherited beauty, and so, early in life, she attracted several suitors, one of whom became her husband. She had married a man who was already doing well in life, but now he was wealthy and quite powerful; a Member of Parliament, a Lord of various boards, a guy with a house in Eaton Square and a park in northern England. As a result, her life had diverged significantly from that of our Miss Le Smyrger. However, the Lord of the Government board had been blessed with several children, and it was perhaps now considered wise to check on Aunt Penelope's acres in Devonshire. Aunt Penelope had the authority to leave them to whoever she wanted; and while it was assumed in Eaton Square that she would, as a matter of course, leave them to a family member, some little cousinly interaction might make things more certain. I won't claim that this was the only reason for the visit, but Captain Broughton was indeed set to visit his aunt. Captain John Broughton was the second son of Alfonso Broughton, of Clapham Park and Eaton Square, a Member of Parliament, and Lord of the aforementioned Government Board.
And what do you mean to do with him? Patience Woolsworthy asked of Miss Le Smyrger when that lady walked over from the Colne to say that her nephew John was to arrive on the following morning.
And what are you planning to do with him? Patience Woolsworthy asked Miss Le Smyrger when that lady walked over from the Colne to let her know that her nephew John was arriving the next morning.
'Do with him? Why, I shall bring him over here to talk to your father.'
'What should we do with him? I’ll just bring him over here to chat with your dad.'
'He'll be too fashionable for that, and papa won't trouble his head about him if he finds that he doesn't care for Dartmoor.'
'He'll be too trendy for that, and dad won't worry about him if he sees that he doesn't like Dartmoor.'
'Then he may fall in love with you, my dear.'
'Then he might fall in love with you, my dear.'
'Well, yes; there's that resource at any rate, and for your sake I dare say I should be more civil to him than papa. But he'll soon get tired of making love to me, and what you'll do then I cannot imagine.'
'Well, yes; there’s that resource at least, and for your sake I guess I should be nicer to him than Dad. But he'll quickly get bored with trying to win me over, and I can’t even imagine what you’ll do then.'
That Miss Woolsworthy felt no interest in the coming of the Captain I will not pretend to say. The advent of any stranger with whom she would be called on to associate must be matter of interest to her in that secluded place; and she was not so absolutely unlike other young ladies that the arrival of an unmarried young man would be the same to her as the advent of some patriarchal pater-familias. In taking that outlook into life of which I have spoken she had never said to herself that she despised those things from which other girls received the excitement, the joys, and the disappointment of their lives. She had simply given herself to understand that very little of such things would come in her way, and that it behoved her to live—to live happily if such might be possible—without experiencing the need of them. She had heard, when there was no thought of any such visit to Oxney Colne, that John Broughton was a handsome clever man—one who thought much of himself and was thought much of by others—that there had been some talk of his marrying a great heiress, which marriage, however had not taken place through unwillingness on his part, and that he was on the whole a man of more mark in the world than the ordinary captains of ordinary regiments.
That Miss Woolsworthy had no interest in the Captain's arrival is something I won't claim to know for sure. The arrival of any stranger with whom she would have to interact would surely capture her attention in that isolated place; and she wasn’t completely unlike other young women—an unmarried young man would definitely be more intriguing to her than the arrival of some family patriarch. In adopting the perspective on life that I mentioned, she never told herself that she looked down on the excitement, joys, and disappointments that other girls found in their lives. She had simply come to understand that not much of that kind of experience would come her way, and it was her responsibility to live—to live happily, if that was possible—without needing them. She had heard, before there was any thought of a visit to Oxney Colne, that John Broughton was a handsome and intelligent man—one who held himself in high regard and was regarded similarly by others—that there had been some rumors about him marrying a wealthy heiress, though that marriage hadn’t happened due to his reluctance, and that he was overall a more notable person in the world than the average captains of regular regiments.
Captain Broughton came to Oxney Colne, stayed there a fortnight—the intended period for his projected visit having been fixed at three or four days—and then went his way. He went his way back to his London haunts, the time of the year then being the close of the Easter holy-days; but as he did so he told his aunt that he should assuredly return to her in the autumn.
Captain Broughton arrived in Oxney Colne and ended up staying for two weeks—his original plan was to stay for just three or four days—and then he left. He made his way back to his usual spots in London, since it was around the end of the Easter holidays; however, before he left, he assured his aunt that he would definitely come back to visit her in the autumn.
'And assuredly I shall be happy to see you, John—if you come with a certain purpose. If you have no such purpose, you had better remain away.'
'And I will definitely be happy to see you, John—if you come with a specific purpose. If you don't have a purpose, it would be better for you to stay away.'
'I shall assuredly come,' the Captain had replied, and then he had gone on his journey.
"I will definitely come," the Captain had replied, and then he went on his journey.
The summer passed rapidly by, and very little was said between Miss Le Smyrger and Miss Woolsworthy about Captain Broughton. In many respects—nay, I may say, as to all ordinary matters,—no two women could well be more intimate with each other than they were; and more than that, they had the courage each to talk to the other with absolute truth as to things concerning themselves—a courage in which dear friends often fail. But, nevertheless, very little was said between them about Captain John Broughton. All that was said may be here repeated.
The summer flew by, and not much was said between Miss Le Smyrger and Miss Woolsworthy about Captain Broughton. In many ways—actually, I’d say in all the usual aspects—no two women could be closer than they were; plus, they had the bravery to talk honestly with each other about their own lives—a bravery that many close friends lack. Yet, despite that, they hardly discussed Captain John Broughton. Everything that was mentioned can be repeated here.
'John says that he shall return here in August,' Miss Le Smyrger said as Patience was sitting with her in the parlour at Oxney Colne, on the morning after that gentleman's departure.
'John says he’ll be back here in August,' Miss Le Smyrger said as Patience sat with her in the parlor at Oxney Colne, on the morning after that gentleman's departure.
'He told me so himself,' said Patience; and as she spoke her round dark eyes assumed a look of more than ordinary self-will. If Miss Le Smyrger had intended to carry the conversation any further she changed her mind as she looked at her companion. Then, as I said, the summer ran by, and towards the close of the warm days of July, Miss Le Smyrger, sitting in the same chair in the same room, again took up the conversation.
"He told me so himself," said Patience, and as she spoke, her round dark eyes took on a striking look of stubbornness. If Miss Le Smyrger had planned to continue the conversation, she changed her mind when she looked at her companion. Then, as I mentioned, summer flew by, and toward the end of the warm days in July, Miss Le Smyrger, sitting in the same chair in the same room, picked up the conversation again.
'I got a letter from John this morning. He says that he shall be here on the third.'
'I got a letter from John this morning. He says he’ll be here on the third.'
'Does he?'
'Does he?'
'He is very punctual to the time he named.'
'He is very punctual to the time he specified.'
'Yes; I fancy that he is a punctual man,' said Patience.
"Yeah, I think he's a pretty punctual guy," said Patience.
'I hope that you will be glad to see him,' said Miss Le Smyrger.
"I hope you’ll be happy to see him," said Miss Le Smyrger.
'Very glad to see him,' said Patience, with a bold clear voice; and then the conversation was again dropped, and nothing further was said till after Captain Broughton's second arrival in the parish.
"Really happy to see him," Patience said loudly and clearly; then the conversation stopped again, and nothing else was mentioned until after Captain Broughton's second arrival in the parish.
Four months had then passed since his departure, and during that time Miss Woolsworthy had performed all her usual daily duties in their accustomed course. No one could discover that she had been less careful in her household matters than had been her wont, less willing to go among her poor neighbours, or less assiduous in her attentions to her father. But not the less was there a feeling in the minds of those around her that some great change had come upon her. She would sit during the long summer evenings on a certain spot outside the parsonage orchard, at the top of a small sloping field in which their solitary cow was always pastured, with a book on her knees before her, but rarely reading. There she would sit, with the beautiful view down to the winding river below her, watching the setting sun, and thinking, thinking, thinking—thinking of something of which she had never spoken. Often would Miss Le Smyrger come upon her there, and sometimes would pass her even without a word; but never—never once did she dare to ask of the matter of her thoughts. But she knew the matter well enough. No confession was necessary to inform her that Patience Woolsworthy was in love with John Broughton—ay, in love, to the full and entire loss of her whole heart.
Four months had passed since his departure, and during that time Miss Woolsworthy had carried out all her usual daily tasks as usual. No one could tell that she had been any less attentive to her household duties, less eager to visit her poor neighbors, or less dedicated to caring for her father. Yet, there was still a sense among those around her that something significant had changed within her. She would sit on a certain spot outside the parsonage orchard during the long summer evenings, at the top of a small, sloping field where their solitary cow was always pastured, with a book on her lap, though she rarely read it. She would sit there, taking in the beautiful view down to the winding river below her, watching the setting sun, and thinking, thinking, thinking—reflecting on something she had never shared. Miss Le Smyrger would often find her there, sometimes even passing by without saying a word; but never—never once did she have the courage to ask about what was on her mind. Yet, she knew well enough what it was. No confession was needed to tell her that Patience Woolsworthy was in love with John Broughton—yes, in love, to the complete and utter loss of her whole heart.
On one evening she was so sitting till the July sun had fallen and hidden himself for the night, when her father came upon her as he returned from one of his rambles on the moor. 'Patty,' he said, 'you are always sitting there now. Is it not late? Will you not be cold?'
On one evening, she was sitting there until the July sun had set and disappeared for the night when her father found her on his way back from one of his walks on the moor. "Patty," he said, "you’re always sitting there now. Isn’t it late? Aren’t you going to be cold?"
'No papa,' she said, 'I shall not be cold.'
'No, Dad,' she said, 'I won't be cold.'
'But won't you come to the house? I miss you when you come in so late that there's no time to say a word before we go to bed.'
'But won't you come to the house? I miss you when you arrive so late that there's no time to say anything before we go to bed.'
She got up and followed him into the parsonage, and when they were in the sitting-room together, and the door was closed, she came up to him and kissed him. 'Papa,' she said, 'would it make you very unhappy if I were to leave you?'
She stood up and followed him into the parsonage, and when they were together in the sitting room with the door closed, she walked up to him and kissed him. 'Dad,' she said, 'would it make you really unhappy if I decided to leave you?'
'Leave me!' he said, startled by the serious and almost solemn tone of her voice. 'Do you mean for always?'
'Leave me!' he said, taken aback by the serious and almost solemn tone of her voice. 'Are you saying forever?'
'If I were to marry, papa?'
'What if I got married, Dad?'
'Oh, marry! No; that would not make me unhappy. It would make me very happy, Patty, to see you married to a man you would love;—very, very happy; though my days would be desolate without you.'
'Oh, get married! No; that wouldn’t make me unhappy. It would make me really happy, Patty, to see you married to a man you love;—really, really happy; even though my days would be empty without you.'
'That is it, papa. What would you do if I went from you?'
'That's it, Dad. What would you do if I left you?'
'What would it matter, Patty? I should be free, at any rate, from a load which often presses heavy on me now. What will you do when I shall leave you? A few more years and all will be over with me. But who is it, love? Has anybody said anything to you?'
'What does it matter, Patty? I should at least be free from this burden that often weighs heavily on me now. What will you do when I leave you? Just a few more years and it’ll all be over for me. But who is it, love? Has someone said something to you?'
'It was only an idea, papa. I don't often think of such a thing; but I did think of it then.' And so the subject was allowed to pass by. This had happened before the day of the second arrival had been absolutely fixed and made known to Miss Woolsworthy.
'It was just an idea, Dad. I don’t usually think about stuff like that, but I did think about it then.' And so, the topic was dropped. This had happened before the date of the second arrival was officially set and communicated to Miss Woolsworthy.
And then that second arrival took place. The reader may have understood from the words with which Miss Le Smyrger authorized her nephew to make his second visit to Oxney Colne that Miss Woolsworthy's passion was not altogether unauthorized. Captain Broughton had been told that he was not to come unless he came with a certain purpose; and having been so told, he still persisted in coming. There can be no doubt but that he well understood the purport to which his aunt alluded. 'I shall assuredly come,' he had said. And true to his word, he was now there.
And then the second visit happened. The reader might have picked up from the way Miss Le Smyrger told her nephew to go visit Oxney Colne again that Miss Woolsworthy's feelings weren't completely uninvited. Captain Broughton had been informed that he was only supposed to come with a specific reason, yet he still insisted on coming. There's no doubt he fully grasped what his aunt was hinting at. "I will definitely come," he had said. And staying true to his word, here he was.
Patience knew exactly the hour at which he must arrive at the station at Newton Abbot, and the time also which it would take to travel over those twelve up-hill miles from the station to Oxney. It need hardly be said that she paid no visit to Miss Le Smyrger's house on that afternoon; but she might have known something of Captain Broughton's approach without going thither. His road to the Colne passed by the parsonage-gate, and had Patience sat even at her bedroom window she must have seen him. But on such an evening she would not sit at her bedroom window;—she would do nothing which would force her to accuse herself of a restless longing for her lover's coming. It was for him to seek her. If he chose to do so, he knew the way to the parsonage.
Patience knew exactly when she needed to be at the station in Newton Abbot and how long it would take to travel those twelve hilly miles from the station to Oxney. It goes without saying that she didn’t visit Miss Le Smyrger's house that afternoon; however, she could have learned about Captain Broughton's arrival without going there. His route to the Colne passed by the parsonage gate, and if Patience had sat at her bedroom window, she would have seen him. But on an evening like this, she wouldn’t sit at her bedroom window; she wouldn’t do anything that would make her feel restless about waiting for her lover. It was up to him to seek her out. If he wanted to, he knew the way to the parsonage.
Miss Le Smyrger—good, dear, honest, hearty Miss Le Smyrger, was in a fever of anxiety on behalf of her friend. It was not that she wished her nephew to marry Patience,—or rather that she had entertained any such wish when he first came among them. She was not given to match-making, and moreover thought, or had thought within herself, that they of Oxney Colne could do very well without any admixture from Eaton Square. Her plan of life had been that when old Mr. Woolsworthy was taken away from Dartmoor, Patience should live with her, and that when she also shuffled off her coil, then Patience Woolsworthy should be the maiden-mistress of Oxney Colne—of Oxney Colne and of Mr. Cloysey's farm—to the utter detriment of all the Broughtons. Such had been her plan before nephew John had come among them—a plan not to be spoken of till the coming of that dark day which should make Patience an orphan. But now her nephew had been there, and all was to be altered. Miss Le Smyrger's plan would have provided a companion for her old age; but that had not been her chief object. She had thought more of Patience than of herself, and now it seemed that a prospect of a higher happiness was opening for her friend.
Miss Le Smyrger—good, dear, honest, warm-hearted Miss Le Smyrger—was in a state of anxiety for her friend. It wasn't that she wanted her nephew to marry Patience, or at least she hadn't thought that way when he first arrived. She wasn't the type to play matchmaker and had believed that the people of Oxney Colne could manage perfectly well without any influence from Eaton Square. Her plan had been that when old Mr. Woolsworthy passed away in Dartmoor, Patience would live with her, and when she eventually passed on as well, Patience Woolsworthy would become the leading woman of Oxney Colne—of Oxney Colne and Mr. Cloysey's farm—much to the disadvantage of all the Broughtons. That had been her plan before her nephew John arrived, a plan not to be shared until the day came when Patience would become an orphan. But now that her nephew was there, everything was about to change. Miss Le Smyrger's plan would have provided her with a companion in her old age, but that wasn't her main concern. She had thought more about Patience than herself, and now it seemed a chance for greater happiness was opening up for her friend.
'John,' she said, as soon as the first greetings were over, 'do you remember the last words that I said to you before you went away?' Now, for myself, I much admire Miss Le Smyrger's heartiness, but I do not think much of her discretion. It would have been better, perhaps, had she allowed things to take their course.
'John,' she said, as soon as the initial greetings were done, 'do you remember the last words I said to you before you left?' Personally, I really admire Miss Le Smyrger's enthusiasm, but I question her judgment. It might have been better if she had let things unfold naturally.
'I can't say that I do,' said the Captain. At the same time the Captain did remember very well what those last words had been.
"I can't say that I do," the Captain replied. At the same time, the Captain remembered very clearly what those last words had been.
'I am so glad to see you, so delighted to see you, if—if—if—,' and then she paused, for with all her courage she hardly dared to ask her nephew whether he had come there with the express purport of asking Miss Woolsworthy to marry him.
'I am so happy to see you, so thrilled to see you, if—if—if—,' and then she hesitated, because with all her courage she barely dared to ask her nephew whether he had come there specifically to ask Miss Woolsworthy to marry him.
To tell the truth—for there is no room for mystery within the limits of this short story,—to tell, I say, at a word the plain and simple truth, Captain Broughton had already asked that question. On the day before he left Oxney Colne he had in set terms proposed to the parson's daughter, and indeed the words, the hot and frequent words, which previously to that had fallen like sweetest honey into the ears of Patience Woolsworthy, had made it imperative on him to do so. When a man in such a place as that has talked to a girl of love day after day, must not he talk of it to some definite purpose on the day on which he leaves her? Or if he do not, must he not submit to be regarded as false, selfish, and almost fraudulent? Captain Broughton, however, had asked the question honestly and truly. He had done so honestly and truly, but in words, or, perhaps, simply with a tone, that had hardly sufficed to satisfy the proud spirit of the girl he loved. She by that time had confessed to herself that she loved him with all her heart; but she had made no such confession to him. To him she had spoken no word, granted no favour, that any lover might rightfully regard as a token of love returned. She had listened to him as he spoke, and bade him keep such sayings for the drawing-rooms of his fashionable friends. Then he had spoken out and had asked for that hand,—not, perhaps, as a suitor tremulous with hope,—but as a rich man who knows that he can command that which he desires to purchase.
To be honest—because there’s no need for mystery in this short story—let me get straight to the point: Captain Broughton had already asked that question. The day before he left Oxney Colne, he formally proposed to the parson's daughter, and the heartfelt words he had shared with Patience Woolsworthy before that made it necessary for him to do so. When a man in a small place has talked about love with a girl every day, doesn’t he have to talk about it with a clear purpose on the day he’s leaving? Or if he doesn’t, shouldn’t he expect to be seen as false, selfish, and almost deceitful? Captain Broughton, however, asked honestly and sincerely. He did so with genuine intent, but perhaps his words—or maybe just his tone—didn't fully satisfy the proud spirit of the girl he loved. By this point, she had admitted to herself that she loved him with all her heart; but she hadn’t shared that confession with him. She hadn’t given him any word or gesture that a lover might see as a sign of love returned. She listened to him speak and told him to save those kinds of remarks for the drawing rooms of his wealthy friends. When he finally spoke up and asked for her hand, it wasn't as a hopeful suitor—but like a rich man who knows he can get what he wants.
'You should think more of this,' she had said to him at last. 'If you would really have me for your wife, it will not be much to you to return here again when time for thinking of it shall have passed by.' With these words she had dismissed him, and now he had again come back to Oxney Colne. But still she would not place herself at the window to look for him, nor dress herself in other than her simple morning country dress, nor omit one item of her daily work. If he wished to take her at all, he should wish to take her as she really was, in her plain country life, but he should take her also with full observance of all those privileges which maidens are allowed to claim from their lovers. He should curtail no ceremonious observance because she was the daughter of a poor country parson who would come to him without a shilling, whereas he stood high in the world's books. He had asked her to give him all that she had, and that all she was ready to give, without stint. But the gift must be valued before it could be given or received. He also was to give her as much, and she would accept it as being beyond all price. But she would not allow that that which was offered to her was in any degree the more precious because of his outward worldly standing.
"You should think more about this," she finally said to him. "If you really want me to be your wife, it won’t be too much for you to come back here once the time for thinking has passed." With those words, she dismissed him, and now he had returned to Oxney Colne. But still, she wouldn't stand by the window to look for him, nor would she change out of her simple morning dress, nor skip any part of her daily chores. If he wanted to be with her at all, he should want to be with her as she truly was, in her plain country life, and he should also respect all the little privileges that young women are allowed to ask from their suitors. He shouldn’t skip any formalities just because she was the daughter of a poor country parson who came to him without a penny, while he had a prominent place in the world. He had asked her to give him everything she had and all she was willing to give, without hesitation. But the gift had to be valued before it could be given or received. He was also to give her as much, and she would accept it as priceless. But she wouldn’t agree that what he offered her was in any way more valuable because of his worldly status.
She would not pretend to herself that she thought he would come to her that afternoon, and therefore she busied herself in the kitchen and about the house, giving directions to her two maids as though the day would pass as all other days did pass in that household. They usually dined at four, and she rarely, in these summer months, went far from the house before that hour. At four precisely she sat down with her father, and then said that she was going up as far as Helpholme after dinner. Helpholme was a solitary farmhouse in another parish, on the border of the moor, and Mr. Woolsworthy asked her whether he should accompany her.
She wouldn’t fool herself into thinking he would come to her that afternoon, so she kept herself busy in the kitchen and around the house, giving directions to her two maids as if the day would just go on like any other in that household. They usually had dinner at four, and during these summer months, she rarely went far from home before that time. Exactly at four, she sat down with her father and then said she was going up to Helpholme after dinner. Helpholme was a lonely farmhouse in another parish, on the edge of the moor, and Mr. Woolsworthy asked her if he should go with her.
'Do, papa,' she said, 'if you are not too tired.' And yet she had thought how probable it might be that she should meet John Broughton on her walk. And so it was arranged; but, just as dinner was over, Mr. Woolsworthy remembered himself.
'Do it, Dad,' she said, 'if you’re not too tired.' And yet she had thought about how likely it was that she would run into John Broughton on her walk. And so it was set; but just as dinner ended, Mr. Woolsworthy remembered.
'Gracious me,' he said, 'how my memory is going! Gribbles, from Ivybridge, and old John Poulter, from Bovey, are coming to meet here by appointment. You can't put Helpholme off till tomorrow?'
"Goodness," he said, "my memory is failing me! Gribbles from Ivybridge and old John Poulter from Bovey are supposed to meet here by appointment. Can’t you reschedule Helpholme for tomorrow?"
Patience, however, never put off anything, and therefore at six o'clock, when her father had finished his slender modicum of toddy, she tied on her hat and went on her walk. She started forth with a quick step, and left no word to say by which route she would go. As she passed up along the little lane which led towards Oxney Colne she would not even look to see if he was coming towards her; and when she left the road, passing over a stone stile into a little path which ran first through the upland fields, and then across the moor ground towards Helpholme, she did not look back once, or listen for his coming step.
Patience, however, never postponed anything, so at six o'clock, when her father finished his small drink, she put on her hat and went for her walk. She set off quickly and didn’t mention which route she would take. As she walked up the narrow lane toward Oxney Colne, she didn’t even glance to see if he was approaching; and when she left the road, stepping over a stone stile onto a small path that first went through the hilly fields and then across the moor toward Helpholme, she didn’t look back once or listen for his footsteps.
She paid her visit, remaining upwards of an hour with the old bedridden mother of the farmer of Helpholme. 'God bless you, my darling!' said the old lady as she left her; 'and send you someone to make your own path bright and happy through the world.' These words were still ringing in her ears with all their significance as she saw John Broughton waiting for her at the first stile which she had to pass after leaving the farmer's haggard.
She paid her visit, staying for over an hour with the old bedridden mother of the farmer from Helpholme. "God bless you, my dear!" the old lady said as she left; "and may you find someone to make your own journey bright and happy in this world." Those words were still echoing in her mind with all their meaning as she saw John Broughton waiting for her at the first stile she had to pass after leaving the farmer's place.
'Patty,' he said, as he took her hand, and held it close within both his own, 'what a chase I have had after you!'
'Patty,' he said, taking her hand and holding it close between both of his, 'I've been on quite the chase after you!'
'And who asked you, Captain Broughton?' she answered, smiling. 'If the journey was too much for your poor London strength, could you not have waited till tomorrow morning, when you would have found me at the parsonage?' But she did not draw her hand away from him, or in any way pretend that he had not a right to accost her as a lover.
'And who asked you, Captain Broughton?' she replied with a smile. 'If the trip was too much for your poor London stamina, couldn't you have waited until tomorrow morning when you'd find me at the parsonage?' But she didn’t pull her hand away from him or act like he didn't have the right to approach her as a lover.
'No, I could not wait. I am more eager to see those I love than you seem to be.'
'No, I couldn't wait. I'm more excited to see those I love than you seem to be.'
'How do you know whom I love, or how eager I might be to see them? There is an old woman there whom I love, and I have thought nothing of this walk with the object of seeing her.' And now, slowly drawing her hand away from him, she pointed to the farmhouse which she had left.
'How do you know who I love or how much I want to see them? There's an old woman there that I care about, and I haven't thought twice about this walk just to see her.' And now, slowly pulling her hand away from him, she pointed to the farmhouse she had just left.
'Patty,' he said, after a minute's pause, during which she had looked full into his face with all the force of her bright eyes; 'I have come from London today, straight down here to Oxney, and from my aunt's house close upon your footsteps after you to ask you that one question. Do you love me?'
'Patty,' he said, after a brief pause, during which she gazed deeply into his face with all the intensity of her bright eyes; 'I've come from London today, straight down here to Oxney, and from my aunt's house right behind you to ask you that one question. Do you love me?'
'What a Hercules?' she said, again laughing. 'Do you really mean that you left London only this morning? Why, you must have been five hours in a railway carriage and two in a post-chaise, not to talk of the walk afterwards. You ought to take more care of yourself, Captain Broughton!'
'What a Hercules!' she said, laughing again. 'Do you really mean you left London only this morning? Wow, you must have spent five hours in a train and two in a carriage, not to mention the walk afterwards. You need to take better care of yourself, Captain Broughton!'
He would have been angry with her,—for he did not like to be quizzed,—had she not put her hand on his arm as she spoke, and the softness of her touch had redeemed the offence of her words.
He would have been upset with her—because he didn’t like being teased—if she hadn’t gently placed her hand on his arm while she spoke, and the warmth of her touch made up for the offense of her words.
'All that have I done,' said he, 'that I may hear one word from you.'
'I've done all of this,' he said, 'just so I can hear one word from you.'
'That any word of mine should have such potency! But, let us walk on, or my father will take us for some of the standing stones of the moor. How have you found your aunt? If you only knew the cares that have sat on her dear shoulders for the last week past, in order that your high mightyness might have a sufficiency to eat and drink in these desolate half-starved regions.'
'It's amazing that my words can have such power! But let's keep walking, or my dad will think we're some of the standing stones on the moor. How have you been with your aunt? If you only knew the worries she's been dealing with for the past week, just so that you could have enough to eat and drink in this barren, barely surviving place.'
'She might have saved herself such anxiety. No one can care less for such things than I do.'
'She could have avoided all that worry. No one cares less about those things than I do.'
'And yet I think I have heard you boast of the cook of your club.' And then again there was silence for a minute or two.
'And yet I think I’ve heard you brag about the chef at your club.' And then there was silence for a minute or two.
'Patty,' said he, stopping again in the path; 'answer my question. I have a right to demand an answer. Do you love me?'
'Patty,' he said, stopping again on the path, 'answer my question. I have a right to demand an answer. Do you love me?'
'And what if I do? What if I have been so silly as to allow your perfections to be too many for my weak heart? What then, Captain Broughton?'
'And what if I do? What if I've been foolish enough to let your many qualities overwhelm my fragile heart? What then, Captain Broughton?'
'It cannot be that you love me, or you would not joke now.'
'You can't really love me, or you wouldn't be joking right now.'
'Perhaps not, indeed,' she said. It seemed as though she were resolved not to yield an inch in her own humour. And then again they walked on.
"Maybe not," she said. It felt like she was determined not to back down in her mood. And then they continued walking.
'Patty,' he said once more, 'I shall get an answer from you tonight,—this evening; now, during this walk, or I shall return tomorrow, and never revisit this spot again.'
'Patty,' he said again, 'I'm going to get an answer from you tonight—this evening; now, during this walk, or I'll come back tomorrow and never come back to this place again.'
'Oh, Captain Broughton, how should we ever manage to live without you?'
'Oh, Captain Broughton, how will we ever manage to live without you?'
'Very well,' he said; 'up to the end of this walk I can bear it all;—and one word spoken then will mend it all.'
'Alright,' he said, 'I can handle it all until the end of this walk;—and one word spoken then will fix everything.'
During the whole of this time she felt that she was ill-using him. She knew that she loved him with all her heart; that it would nearly kill her to part with him; that she had heard his renewed offer with an ecstasy of joy. She acknowledged to herself that he was giving proof of his devotion as strong as any which a girl could receive from her lover. And yet she could hardly bring herself to say the word he longed to hear. That word once said, and then she knew that she must succumb to her love for ever! That word once said, and there would be nothing for her but to spoil him with her idolatry! That word once said, and she must continue to repeat it into his ears, till perhaps he might be tired of hearing it! And now he had threatened her, and how could she speak it after that? She certainly would not speak it unless he asked her again without such threat. And so they walked on again in silence.
Throughout this time, she felt like she was treating him poorly. She knew she loved him completely; parting with him would nearly break her heart, and she had experienced an overwhelming joy at his renewed proposal. She recognized that he was demonstrating his devotion just as strongly as any girl could wish for from her partner. Yet, she could barely bring herself to say the word he desperately wanted to hear. Once that word was spoken, she understood she would have to surrender to her love forever! That word once said, and all that would be left for her would be to lavish him with her admiration! That word once said, and she would have to keep saying it until maybe he got tired of it. And now he had threatened her, so how could she say it after that? She definitely wouldn't say it unless he asked her again without any threats. And so, they continued walking in silence.
'Patty,' he said at last. 'By the heavens above us you shall answer me. Do you love me?'
'Patty,' he said finally. 'I swear by the heavens above, you have to answer me. Do you love me?'
She now stood still, and almost trembled as she looked up into his face. She stood opposite to him for a moment, and then placing her two hands on his shoulders, she answered him. 'I do, I do, I do,' she said, 'with all my heart; with all my heart—with all my heart and strength.' And then her head fell upon his breast.
She stood still, almost shaking as she looked up at his face. She faced him for a moment, and then placing her hands on his shoulders, she replied, "I do, I do, I do," she said, "with all my heart; with all my heart—with all my heart and strength." Then her head rested on his chest.
Captain Broughton was almost as much surprised as delighted by the warmth of the acknowledgment made by the eager-hearted passionate girl whom he now held within his arms. She had said it now; the words had been spoken; and there was nothing for her but to swear to him over and over again with her sweetest oaths, that those words were true—true as her soul. And very sweet was the walk down from thence to the parsonage gate. He spoke no more of the distance of the ground, or the length of his day's journey. But he stopped her at every turn that he might press her arm the closer to his own, that he might look into the brightness of her eyes, and prolong his hour of delight. There were no more gibes now on her tongue, no raillery at his London finery, no laughing comments on his coming and going. With downright honesty she told him everything: how she had loved him before her heart was warranted in such a passion; how, with much thinking, she had resolved that it would be unwise to take him at his first word, and had thought it better that he should return to London, and then think over it; how she had almost repented of her courage when she had feared, during those long summer days, that he would forget her; and how her heart had leapt for joy when her old friend had told her that he was coming.
Captain Broughton was just as surprised as he was thrilled by the warm acknowledgment from the passionate girl he now held in his arms. She had finally said it; the words were out there, and all she had to do was swear to him repeatedly with her sweetest promises that those words were true—true as her soul. Their walk from there to the parsonage gate was very sweet. He didn’t mention the distance or the length of his journey anymore. Instead, he stopped her at every turn to pull her arm closer to his, to gaze into the brightness of her eyes, and to extend his moment of joy. There were no more teasing remarks from her, no jabs at his stylish London clothes, no playful comments about his arrivals and departures. With total honesty, she shared everything: how she had loved him even before she felt she had the right to; how, after much thought, she decided it would be unwise to take him at his first word and thought it better for him to return to London to reflect; how she had nearly regretted her bravery when she feared, during those long summer days, that he might forget her; and how her heart leapt with joy when her old friend told her he was coming.
'And yet,' said he, 'you were not glad to see me!'
'And yet,' he said, 'you weren’t happy to see me!'
'Oh, was I not glad? You cannot understand the feelings of a girl who has lived secluded as I have done. Glad is no word for the joy I felt. But it was not seeing you that I cared for so much. It was the knowledge that you were near me once again. I almost wish now that I had not seen you till tomorrow.' But as she spoke she pressed his arm, and this caress gave the lie to her last words.
'Oh, was I not happy? You can’t understand the feelings of a girl who has lived as isolated as I have. Happy doesn’t even begin to cover the joy I felt. But it wasn’t just seeing you that mattered so much to me. It was knowing that you were close to me again. I almost wish now that I hadn’t seen you until tomorrow.' But as she spoke, she held his arm, and that touch contradicted her last words.
'No, do not come in tonight,' she said, when she reached the little wicket that led up the parsonage. 'Indeed you shall not. I could not behave myself properly if you did.'
'No, don't come in tonight,' she said when she reached the little gate that led up to the parsonage. 'You really can’t. I wouldn't be able to act properly if you did.'
'But I don't want you to behave properly.'
'But I don't want you to act right.'
'Oh! I am to keep that for London, am I? But, nevertheless, Captain Broughton, I will not invite you either to tea or to supper tonight.'
'Oh! I’m supposed to save that for London, am I? But, anyway, Captain Broughton, I won’t invite you to tea or dinner tonight.'
'Surely I may shake hands with your father.'
'Surely I can shake hands with your father.'
'Not tonight—not till—. John, I may tell him, may I not? I must tell him at once.'
'Not tonight—not until—. John, I can tell him, can’t I? I need to tell him right away.'
'Certainly,' said he.
"Sure," he said.
'And then you shall see him tomorrow. Let me see—at what hour shall I bid you come?'
'And then you’ll see him tomorrow. Let me think—what time should I ask you to come?'
'To breakfast.'
'For breakfast.'
'No, indeed. What on earth would your aunt do with her broiled turkey and the cold pie? I have got no cold pie for you.'
'No way. What would your aunt even do with her broiled turkey and cold pie? I don’t have any cold pie for you.'
'I hate cold pie.'
'I dislike cold pie.'
'What a pity! But, John, I should be forced to leave you directly after breakfast. Come down—come down at two, or three; and then I will go back with you to Aunt Penelope. I must see her tomorrow.' And so at last the matter was settled, and the happy Captain, as he left her, was hardly resisted in his attempt to press her lips to his own.
"What a shame! But, John, I’ll have to leave you right after breakfast. Come down—come by at two or three; then I’ll go back with you to Aunt Penelope. I need to see her tomorrow." And so, in the end, the matter was settled, and the happy Captain, as he left her, was hardly resisted when he tried to press his lips to hers.
When she entered the parlour in which her father was sitting, there still were Gribbles and Poulter discussing some knotty point of Devon lore. So Patience took off her hat, and sat herself down, waiting till they should go. For full an hour she had to wait, and then Gribbles and Poulter did go. But it was not in such matters as this that Patience Woolsworthy was impatient. She could wait, and wait, and wait, curbing herself for weeks and months, while the thing waited for was in her eyes good; but she could not curb her hot thoughts or her hot words when things came to be discussed which she did not think to be good.
When she walked into the room where her father was sitting, Gribbles and Poulter were still deep in discussion about some tricky point of Devon history. So Patience took off her hat and sat down, waiting for them to leave. She had to wait for a full hour, and then Gribbles and Poulter finally left. But it wasn't situations like this that made Patience Woolsworthy impatient. She could wait and wait, holding back for weeks and months for something she believed was good; but she couldn't hold back her fiery thoughts or words when it came to discussing things she didn’t think were good.
'Papa,' she said, when Gribbles' long-drawn last word had been spoken at the door. 'Do you remember how I asked you the other day what you would say if I were to leave you?'
'Papa,' she said, when Gribbles' drawn-out last word had been spoken at the door. 'Do you remember how I asked you the other day what you would say if I were to leave you?'
'Yes, surely,' he replied, looking up at her in astonishment.
"Yeah, definitely," he said, looking up at her in surprise.
'I am going to leave you now,' she said. 'Dear, dearest father, how am I to go from you?'
'I’m going to leave you now,' she said. 'Dear, precious father, how can I bear to leave you?'
'Going to leave me,' said he, thinking of her visit to Helpholme, and thinking of nothing else.
"You're going to leave me," he said, thinking about her visit to Helpholme and nothing else.
Now there had been a story about Helpholme. That bedridden old lady there had a stalwart son, who was now the owner of the Helpholme pastures. But though owner in fee of all those wild acres and of the cattle which they supported, he was not much above the farmers around him, either in manners or education. He had his merits, however; for he was honest, well to do in the world, and modest withal. How strong love had grown up, springing from neighbourly kindness, between our Patience and his mother, it needs not here to tell; but rising from it had come another love—or an ambition which might have grown to love. The young man, after much thought, had not dared to speak to Miss Woolsworthy, but he had sent a message by Miss Le Smyrger. If there could be any hope for him, he would present himself as a suitor—on trial. He did not owe a shilling in the world, and had money by him—saved. He wouldn't ask the parson for a shilling of fortune. Such had been the tenor of his message, and Miss Le Smyrger had delivered it faithfully. 'He does not mean it,' Patience had said with her stern voice. 'Indeed he does, my dear. You may be sure he is in earnest,' Miss Le Smyrger had replied; 'and there is not an honester man in these parts.'
There was a story about Helpholme. The old lady there was bedridden, and she had a strong son who now owned the Helpholme pastures. Even though he was the owner of all those wild lands and the cattle on them, he wasn't really much better than the farmers around him in terms of manners or education. Nevertheless, he had his good qualities; he was honest, doing well for himself, and modest. The deep love that had developed from neighborly kindness between our Patience and his mother doesn’t need detailing here, but from that, another feeling had emerged—or an ambition that could have turned into love. After a lot of consideration, the young man hadn’t dared to approach Miss Woolsworthy directly, but he sent a message through Miss Le Smyrger. If there was any chance for him, he would present himself as a suitor—on trial. He wasn’t in debt and had saved up some money. He wouldn’t ask the parson for a penny of fortune. That was the essence of his message, and Miss Le Smyrger delivered it faithfully. "He doesn't mean it," Patience had said in a stern voice. "He really does, my dear. You can be sure he’s serious," Miss Le Smyrger had replied; "and there isn’t a more honest man around here."
'Tell him,' said Patience, not attending to the latter portion of her friend's last speech, 'that it cannot be,—make him understand, you know—and tell him also that the matter shall be thought of no more.' The matter had, at any rate, been spoken of no more, but the young farmer still remained a bachelor, and Helpholme still wanted a mistress. But all this came back upon the parson's mind when his daughter told him that she was about to leave him.
'Tell him,' Patience said, not really listening to the latter part of her friend's last comment, 'that it can't be—make him understand, you know—and also tell him that we won't discuss it anymore.' They hadn't talked about it again, but the young farmer was still single, and Helpholme still needed a mistress. But all of this came back to the parson's mind when his daughter told him that she was about to leave him.
'Yes, dearest,' she said; and as she spoke, she now knelt at his knees. 'I have been asked in marriage, and I have given myself away.'
'Yes, my love,' she said; and as she spoke, she knelt at his knees. 'I have been proposed to, and I have accepted.'
'Well, my love, if you will be happy—'
'Well, my love, if that makes you happy—'
'I hope I shall; I think I shall. But you, papa?'
'I hope so; I think so. But what about you, Dad?'
'You will not be far from us.'
'You won't be far from us.'
'Oh, yes; in London.'
'Oh, yes; in London.'
'In London.'
'In London.'
'Captain Broughton lives in London generally.'
Captain Broughton usually lives in London.
'And has Captain Broughton asked you to marry him?'
'And has Captain Broughton proposed to you?'
'Yes, papa—who else? Is he not good? Will you not love him? Oh, papa, do not say that I am wrong to love him?'
'Yes, Dad—who else? Isn't he a good guy? Aren't you going to love him? Oh, Dad, please don’t say that I’m wrong for loving him?'
He never told her his mistake, or explained to her that he had not thought it possible that the high-placed son of the London great man shall have fallen in love with his undowered daughter; but he embraced her, and told her, with all his enthusiasm, that he rejoiced in her joy, and would be happy in her happiness. 'My own Patty,' he said, 'I have ever known that you were too good for this life of ours here.' And then the evening wore away into the night, with many tears but still with much happiness.
He never told her about his mistake or explained that he hadn’t believed it was possible for the wealthy son of a prominent London man to fall in love with his daughter who had no dowry. Instead, he embraced her and enthusiastically told her how happy he was for her joy and that he would share in her happiness. “My own Patty,” he said, “I have always known you were too good for the life we have here.” And then the evening drifted into night, filled with tears but still a lot of happiness.
Captain Broughton, as he walked back to Oxney Colne, made up his mind that he would say nothing on the matter to his aunt till the next morning. He wanted to think over it all, and to think it over, if possible, by himself. He had taken a step in life, the most important that a man is ever called on to take, and he had to reflect whether or no he had taken it with wisdom.
Captain Broughton, as he walked back to Oxney Colne, decided that he wouldn't say anything about it to his aunt until the next morning. He wanted to think it all through, preferably alone. He had taken a significant step in life, the most important one a man can face, and he needed to consider whether he had done so wisely.
'Have you seen her?' said Miss Le Smyrger, very anxiously, when he came into the drawing-room.
"Have you seen her?" Miss Le Smyrger asked anxiously when he walked into the living room.
'Miss Woolsworthy you mean,' said he. 'Yes, I've seen her. As I found her out I took a long walk and happened to meet her. Do you know, aunt, I think I'll go to bed; I was up at five this morning, and have been on the move ever since.'
'You mean Miss Woolsworthy,' he said. 'Yeah, I've seen her. After I found out about her, I took a long walk and happened to run into her. You know, aunt, I think I'm going to bed; I got up at five this morning and have been on the go ever since.'
Miss Le Smyrger perceived that she was to hear nothing that evening, so she handed him his candlestick and allowed him to go to his room.
Miss Le Smyrger realized that she wasn't going to hear anything that evening, so she handed him his candlestick and let him go to his room.
But Captain Broughton did not immediately retire to bed, nor when he did so was he able to sleep at once. Had this step that he had taken been a wise one? He was not a man who, in worldly matters, had allowed things to arrange themselves for him, as is the case with so many men. He had formed views for himself, and had a theory of life. Money for money's sake he had declared to himself to be bad. Money, as a concomitant to things which were in themselves good, he had declared to himself to be good also. That concomitant in this affair of his marriage, he had now missed. Well; he had made up his mind to that, and would put up with the loss. He had means of living of his own, though means not so extensive as might have been desirable. That it would be well for him to become a married man, looking merely to that state of life as opposed to his present state, he had fully resolved. On that point, therefore, there was nothing to repent. That Patty Woolsworthy was good, affectionate, clever, and beautiful, he was sufficiently satisfied. It would be odd indeed if he were not so satisfied now, seeing that for the last four months he had declared to himself daily that she was so with many inward asseverations. And yet though he repeated now again that he was satisfied, I do not think that he was so fully satisfied of it as he had been throughout the whole of those four months. It is sad to say so, but I fear—I fear that such was the case. When you have your plaything how much of the anticipated pleasure vanishes, especially if it have been won easily!
But Captain Broughton didn't go to bed right away, and even when he finally did, he couldn't fall asleep immediately. Was the decision he made a wise one? He wasn't the type of man who let things happen on their own, like many do. He had his own beliefs and a philosophy about life. He had convinced himself that wanting money just for the sake of having it was wrong. However, he also believed that money, as a part of things that were genuinely good, was good too. In this situation regarding his marriage, he realized he had missed that part. Well, he had accepted that and decided to deal with the loss. He had his own way of making a living, even if it wasn't as ample as he would have liked. He was completely convinced it would be better for him to get married, viewing that lifestyle as preferable to his current one. So, he felt no regret about that. He believed Patty Woolsworthy was good, caring, smart, and beautiful, and he was more than satisfied with that. It would indeed be strange if he felt otherwise, especially since for the past four months, he had reminded himself every day of her many good qualities. Yet, even as he told himself again that he was satisfied, I don't think he felt as completely satisfied as he had during those four months. It’s unfortunate to admit, but I fear that’s the truth. When you finally have your desired thing, a lot of the excitement you expected disappears, especially if it came to you easily!
He had told none of his family what were his intentions in this second visit to Devonshire, and now he had to bethink himself whether they would be satisfied. What would his sister say, she who had married the Honourable Augustus Gumbleton, gold-stick-in-waiting to Her Majesty's Privy Council? Would she receive Patience with open arms, and make much of her about London? And then how far would London suit Patience, or would Patience suit London? There would be much for him to do in teaching her, and it would be well for him to set about the lesson without loss of time. So far he got that night, but when the morning came he went a step further, and began mentally to criticize her manner to himself. It had been very sweet, that warm, that full, that ready declaration of love. Yes; it had been very sweet; but—but—; when, after her little jokes, she did confess her love, had she not been a little too free for feminine excellence? A man likes to be told that he is loved, but he hardly wishes that the girl he is to marry should fling herself at his head!
He hadn’t told any of his family about his plans for this second visit to Devonshire, and now he had to think about whether they would be okay with it. What would his sister say, the one who married the Honourable Augustus Gumbleton, gold-stick-in-waiting to Her Majesty's Privy Council? Would she welcome Patience with open arms and show her around London? And how well would Patience fit in London, or would London fit Patience? He had a lot to teach her, and it would be wise to get started on that without wasting any time. That was as far as he got that night, but when morning came, he took it a step further and began to mentally critique her attitude towards him. It had been very sweet, that warm, full, and eager declaration of love. Yes, it had been very sweet; but—but—when she finally confessed her love after joking around, hadn’t she been a bit too forward for a woman? A man likes to be told that he is loved, but he doesn’t really want the girl he’s going to marry to throw herself at him!
Ah me! yes; it was thus he argued to himself as on that morning he went through the arrangements of his toilet. 'Then he was a brute,' you say, my pretty reader. I have never said that he was not a brute. But this I remark, that many such brutes are to be met with in the beaten paths of the world's high highway. When Patience Woolsworthy had answered him coldly, bidding him go back to London and think over his love; while it seemed from her manner that at any rate as yet she did not care for him; while he was absent from her, and, therefore, longing for her, the possession of her charms, her talent, and bright honesty of purpose had seemed to him a thing most desirable. Now they were his own. They had, in fact, been his own from the first. The heart of this country-bred girl had fallen at the first word from his mouth. Had she not so confessed to him? She was very nice,—very nice indeed. He loved her dearly. But had he not sold himself too cheaply?
Ah, yes; that’s how he reasoned with himself as he got ready that morning. "He was a jerk," you might say, dear reader. I never claimed he wasn't. But I point out that a lot of jerks can be found along the well-trodden paths of society. When Patience Woolsworthy had responded to him coldly, telling him to return to London and think about his feelings, it was clear from her demeanor that she didn't care for him—at least not yet. While he was away from her, wishing for her, her beauty, talent, and genuine intentions had seemed incredibly appealing to him. Now, those qualities were his. In truth, they had always been his. The heart of this country girl had surrendered to him after his very first word. Didn't she admit that? She was lovely—truly lovely. He adored her. But had he not given himself away too easily?
I by no means say that he was not a brute. But whether brute or no he was an honest man, and had no remotest dream, either then, on that morning, or during the following days on which such thoughts pressed more thickly on his mind—of breaking away from his pledged word. At breakfast on that morning he told all to Miss Le Smyrger, and that lady, with warm and gracious intentions, confided to him her purpose regarding her property. 'I have always regarded Patience as my heir,' she said, 'and shall do so still.'
I’m not saying he wasn’t a brute. But whether he was or wasn’t, he was an honest man and never once thought, that morning or in the days that followed when those thoughts weighed heavily on him, about going back on his word. At breakfast that morning, he shared everything with Miss Le Smyrger, and she, with good intentions, revealed her plans for her property. “I’ve always seen Patience as my heir,” she said, “and I still do.”
'Oh, indeed,' said Captain Broughton.
"Oh, definitely," said Captain Broughton.
'But it is a great, great pleasure to me to think that she will give back the little property to my sister's child. You will have your mother's, and thus it will all come together again.'
'But it makes me really, really happy to think that she will return the small property to my sister's child. You will have your mother's, and so it will all come together again.'
'Ah!' said Captain Broughton. He had his own ideas about property, and did not, even under existing circumstances, like to hear that his aunt considered herself at liberty to leave the acres away to one who was by blood quite a stranger to the family.
'Ah!' said Captain Broughton. He had his own views on property and, even under the current situation, didn’t like hearing that his aunt thought she could leave the land to someone who was, by blood, a complete stranger to the family.
'Does Patience know of this?' he asked.
'Does Patience know about this?' he asked.
'Not a word,' said Miss Le Smyrger. And then nothing more was said upon the subject.
'Not a word,' said Miss Le Smyrger. And then nothing more was said about it.
On that afternoon he went down and received the parson's benediction and congratulations with a good grace. Patience said very little on the occasion, and indeed was absent during the greater part of the interview. The two lovers then walked up to Oxney Colne, and there were more benedictions and more congratulations. 'All went merry as a marriage bell', at any rate as far as Patience was concerned. Not a word had yet fallen from that dear mouth, not a look had yet come over that handsome face, which tended in any way to mar her bliss. Her first day of acknowledged love was a day altogether happy, and when she prayed for him as she knelt beside her bed there was no feeling in her mind that any fear need disturb her joy.
On that afternoon, he went down to receive the pastor's blessing and congratulations with a warm smile. Patience said very little during the event and was mostly absent for most of the conversation. The two lovers then walked up to Oxney Colne, where there were more blessings and congratulations. 'Everything went as happy as a wedding bell,' at least for Patience. Not a word had come from her sweet lips, and not a look had crossed her beautiful face that would dampen her happiness. Her first day of acknowledged love was completely joyful, and as she prayed for him beside her bed, she felt no fear that would interrupt her joy.
I will pass over the next three or four days very quickly, merely saying that Patience did not find them so pleasant as that first day after her engagement. There was something in her lover's manner—something which at first she could not define—which by degrees seemed to grate against her feelings. He was sufficiently affectionate, that being a matter on which she did not require much demonstration; but joined to his affection there seemed to be—; she hardly liked to suggest to herself a harsh word, but could it be possible that he was beginning to think that she was not good enough for him? And then she asked herself the question—was she good enough for him? If there were doubt about that, the match should be broken off, though she tore her own heart out in the struggle. The truth, however, was this,—that he had begun that teaching which he had already found to be so necessary. Now, had any one essayed to teach Patience German or mathematics, with that young lady's free consent, I believe that she would have been found a meek scholar. But it was not probable that she would be meek when she found a self-appointed tutor teaching her manners and conduct without her consent.
I’ll move quickly through the next three or four days, just mentioning that Patience didn’t find them as enjoyable as that first day after her engagement. There was something in her lover's behavior—something she couldn't quite put her finger on at first—that gradually started to irritate her. He was affectionate enough, which didn't require a lot of gestures on his part, but along with his affection, there seemed to be—she didn’t want to think of it as a harsh term, but could it be that he was starting to feel she wasn’t good enough for him? Then she questioned herself—was she good enough for him? If there was any doubt about that, they should end the relationship, even if it broke her heart in the process. The truth, however, was that he had started the kind of teaching he had already deemed necessary. Now, if someone had tried to teach Patience German or math with her willing agreement, she probably would have been a willing student. But it was unlikely that she would be compliant when faced with a self-appointed teacher trying to instruct her on manners and behavior without her agreement.
So matters went on for four or five days, and on the evening of the fifth day, Captain Broughton and his aunt drank tea at the parsonage. Nothing very especial occurred; but as the parson and Miss Le Smyrger insisted on playing backgammon with devoted perseverance during the whole evening, Broughton had a good opportunity of saying a word or two about those changes in his lady-love which a life in London would require—and some word he said also—some single slight word, as to the higher station in life to which he would exalt his bride. Patience bore it—for her father and Miss Le Smyrger were in the room—she bore it well, speaking no syllable of anger, and enduring, for the moment, the implied scorn of the old parsonage. Then the evening broke up, and Captain Broughton walked back to Oxney Colne with his aunt. 'Patty,' her father said to her before they went to bed, 'he seems to me to be a most excellent young man.' 'Dear papa,' she answered, kissing him. 'And terribly deep in love,' said Mr. Woolsworthy. 'Oh, I don't know about that,' she answered, as she left him with her sweetest smile. But though she could thus smile at her father's joke, she had already made up her mind that there was still something to be learned as to her promised husband before she could place herself altogether in his hands. She would ask him whether he thought himself liable to injury from this proposed marriage; and though he should deny any such thought, she would know from the manner of his denial what his true feelings were.
Things went on like this for four or five days, and on the evening of the fifth day, Captain Broughton and his aunt had tea at the parsonage. Nothing particularly notable happened; however, since the parson and Miss Le Smyrger were determined to play backgammon throughout the evening, Broughton had a good chance to mention the changes in his lady-love that living in London would require—and he did say a word or two about the higher status in life he intended to offer his bride. Patience endured it—because her father and Miss Le Smyrger were present—she handled it well, not uttering a word of anger and putting up with the implied scorn of the old parsonage for the moment. Then the evening wrapped up, and Captain Broughton walked back to Oxney Colne with his aunt. "Patty," her father said to her before they went to bed, "he seems to me to be a really wonderful young man." "Dear papa," she replied, giving him a kiss. "And incredibly in love," Mr. Woolsworthy added. "Oh, I don't know about that," she answered as she left him with her sweetest smile. But even though she could smile at her father's joke, she had already decided that there was still more to understand about her future husband before she could fully commit to him. She would ask him if he thought he might be at risk from this proposed marriage; and even if he denied such a thing, she would gauge his true feelings from how he responded.
And he, too, on that night, during his silent walk with Miss Le Smyrger, had entertained some similar thoughts. 'I fear she is obstinate', he had said to himself, and then he had half accused her of being sullen also. 'If that be her temper, what a life of misery I have before me!'
And he, too, that night, while quietly walking with Miss Le Smyrger, had similar thoughts. 'I worry she's stubborn,' he told himself, and then he partly blamed her for being moody as well. 'If that's how she is, I have a miserable life ahead of me!'
'Have you fixed a day yet?' his aunt asked him as they came near to her house.
'Have you picked a day yet?' his aunt asked him as they got close to her house.
'No, not yet; I don't know whether it will suit me to fix it before I leave.'
'No, not yet; I’m not sure if it will work for me to fix it before I leave.'
'Why, it was but the other day you were in such a hurry.'
'Why, just the other day you were in such a rush.'
'Ah—yes-I have thought more about it since then.'
'Ah—yes—I have thought more about it since then.'
'I should have imagined that this would depend on what Patty thinks,' said Miss Le Smyrger, standing up for the privileges of her sex. 'It is presumed that the gentleman is always ready as soon as the lady will consent.'
"I should have figured this would depend on what Patty thinks," said Miss Le Smyrger, standing up for the rights of her gender. "It's assumed that the man is always ready as soon as the woman agrees."
'Yes, in ordinary cases it is so; but when a girl is taken out of her own sphere—'
'Yes, usually that’s the case; but when a girl is taken out of her own environment—'
'Her own sphere! Let me caution you, Master John, not to talk to Patty about her own sphere.'
'Her own space! Let me warn you, Master John, not to discuss Patty's own space.'
'Aunt Penelope, as Patience is to be my wife and not yours, I must claim permission to speak to her on such subjects as may seem suitable to me.' And then they parted—not in the best humour with each other.
'Aunt Penelope, since Patience is going to be my wife and not yours, I need to ask for permission to talk to her about whatever I think is appropriate.' And then they parted—not on the best terms with each other.
On the following day Captain Broughton and Miss Woolsworthy did not meet till the evening. She had said, before those few ill-omened words had passed her lover's lips, that she would probably be at Miss Le Smyrger's house on the following morning. Those ill-omened words did pass her lover's lips, and then she remained at home. This did not come from sullenness, nor even from anger, but from a conviction that it would be well that she should think much before she met him again. Nor was he anxious to hurry a meeting. His thought—his base thought—was this; that she would be sure to come up to the Colne after him; but she did not come, and therefore in the evening he went down to her, and asked her to walk with him.
The next day, Captain Broughton and Miss Woolsworthy didn't see each other until the evening. She had mentioned that she’d probably be at Miss Le Smyrger's house that morning. However, after those unfortunate words slipped from her lover's lips, she stayed at home. This wasn't out of sulking or anger, but rather a belief that it would be wise for her to reflect before seeing him again. He wasn't in a rush to meet either. His troubling thought was that she would definitely come to the Colne looking for him; but she didn’t, so in the evening, he went to her and asked if she wanted to take a walk with him.
They went away by the path that led by Helpholme, and little was said between them till they had walked some mile together. Patience, as she went along the path, remembered almost to the letter the sweet words which had greeted her ears as she came down that way with him on the night of his arrival; but he remembered nothing of that sweetness then. Had he not made an ass of himself during these last six months? That was the thought which very much had possession of his mind.
They left by the path that went past Helpholme, and not much was said between them until they had walked a mile together. As Patience followed the path, she recalled nearly every sweet word that had greeted her when she walked that way with him on the night he arrived; but he wasn’t thinking about that sweetness at all. Hadn’t he acted like a fool during the past six months? That thought occupied his mind a lot.
'Patience,' he said at last, having hitherto spoken only an indifferent word now and again since they had left the parsonage, 'Patience, I hope you realize the importance of the step which you and I are about to take?'
"Patience," he finally said, having said only a few casual words since they left the parsonage, "Patience, I hope you understand how important this step is that we’re about to take together?"
'Of course I do,' she answered: 'what an odd question that is for you to ask!'
"Of course I do," she replied. "What a strange question for you to ask!"
'Because,' said he, 'sometimes I almost doubt it. It seems to me as though you thought you could remove yourself from here to your new home with no more trouble than when you go from home up to the Colne.'
'Because,' he said, 'sometimes I almost doubt it. It feels to me like you think you can move from here to your new home with no more trouble than when you go from home to the Colne.'
'Is that meant for a reproach, John?'
'Is that supposed to be a dig, John?'
'No, not for a reproach, but for advice. Certainly not for a reproach.'
'No, not for criticism, but for advice. Definitely not for criticism.'
'I am glad of that.'
'I'm glad about that.'
'But I should wish to make you think how great is the leap in the world which you are about to take.' Then again they walked on for many steps before she answered him.
'But I want you to realize how big the leap in the world is that you are about to take.' Then they walked on for many steps before she replied to him.
'Tell me, then, John,' she said, when she had sufficiently considered what words she would speak;—and as she spoke a dark bright colour suffused her face, and her eyes flashed almost with anger. 'What leap do you mean? Do you mean a leap upwards?'
"Tell me, then, John," she said, after she had thought carefully about what to say; and as she spoke, a deep, vivid color spread across her face, and her eyes sparkled with a hint of anger. "What leap are you talking about? Are you talking about a leap upwards?"
'Well, yes; I hope it will be so.'
'Well, yeah; I hope it will be like that.'
'In one sense, certainly, it would be a leap upwards. To be the wife of the man I loved; to have the privilege of holding his happiness in my hand; to know that I was his own—the companion whom he had chosen out of all the world—that would, indeed, be a leap upward; a leap almost to heaven, if all that were so. But if you mean upwards in any other sense—'
'In one way, it would definitely be a step up. To be the wife of the man I loved; to have the privilege of making him happy; to know that I was his—his chosen companion out of everyone else—that would really be a step up; almost like reaching for the heavens, if everything were like that. But if you mean up in any other way—'
'I was thinking of the social scale.'
'I was thinking about the social ladder.'
'Then, Captain Broughton, your thoughts were doing me dishonour.'
'Then, Captain Broughton, your thoughts were bringing me dishonor.'
'Doing you dishonour!'
"Bringing you shame!"
'Yes, doing me dishonour. That your father is, in the world's esteem, a greater man than mine is doubtless true enough. That you, as a man, are richer than I am as a woman is doubtless also true. But you dishonour me, and yourself also, if these things can weigh with you now.'
'Yes, you are disrespecting me. It's certainly true that your father is considered a greater man than mine in the eyes of the world. It's also true that you, as a man, have more wealth than I do as a woman. But you bring dishonor to both me and yourself if those things matter to you now.'
'Patience,—I think you can hardly know what words you are saying to me.'
'Patience, I don’t think you realize what you're saying to me.'
'Pardon me, but I think I do. Nothing that you can give me—no gifts of that description—can weigh aught against that which I am giving you. If you had all the wealth and rank of the greatest lord in the land, it would count as nothing in such a scale. If—as I have not doubted—if in return for my heart you have given me yours, then—then—then, you have paid me fully. But when gifts such as those are going, nothing else can count even as a make-weight.'
'Excuse me, but I believe I do. Nothing you can offer me—no gifts like that—can compare to what I'm giving you. Even if you had all the wealth and status of the greatest lord in the land, it would mean nothing in comparison. If—as I have no doubt—if in exchange for my heart you’ve given me yours, then—then—then, you’ve fully compensated me. But when gifts like those are involved, nothing else can even come close.'
'I do not quite understand you,' he answered, after a pause. 'I fear you are a little high-flown.' And then, while the evening was still early, they walked back to the parsonage almost without another word.
"I don't really understand you," he replied after a moment. "I think you might be a bit too dramatic." Then, while the evening was still young, they walked back to the parsonage almost in silence.
Captain Broughton at this time had only one more full day to remain at Oxney Colne. On the afternoon following that he was to go as far as Exeter, and thence return to London. Of course it was to be expected, that the wedding day would be fixed before he went, and much had been said about it during the first day or two of his engagement. Then he had pressed for an early time, and Patience, with a girl's usual diffidence, had asked for some little delay. But now nothing was said on the subject; and how was it probable that such a matter could be settled after such a conversation as that which I have related? That evening, Miss Le Smyrger asked whether the day had been fixed. 'No,' said Captain Broughton harshly; 'nothing has been fixed.' 'But it will be arranged before you go.' 'Probably not,' he said; and then the subject was dropped for the time.
Captain Broughton only had one more full day left at Oxney Colne. The next afternoon, he was set to travel to Exeter and then return to London. Naturally, it was expected that the wedding date would be decided before his departure, and there had been a lot of discussion about it during the first couple of days of his engagement. Initially, he had pushed for an early date, but Patience, like most girls, was hesitant and requested a bit of extra time. However, now nothing was being discussed on the subject; it seemed unlikely that such an important matter could be settled after the conversation I mentioned earlier. That evening, Miss Le Smyrger inquired whether the date had been chosen. "No," Captain Broughton replied curtly, "nothing has been decided." "But it will be arranged before you leave," she said. "Probably not," he replied, and then the topic was dropped for the moment.
'John,' she said, just before she went to bed, 'if there be anything wrong between you and Patience, I conjure you to tell me.'
'John,' she said right before she went to bed, 'if there’s anything wrong between you and Patience, I urge you to tell me.'
'You had better ask her,' he replied. 'I can tell you nothing.'
'You should ask her,' he said. 'I can't tell you anything.'
On the following morning he was much surprised by seeing Patience on the gravel path before Miss Le Smyrger's gate immediately after breakfast. He went to the door to open it for her, and she, as she gave him her hand, told him that she came up to speak to him. There was no hesitation in her manner, nor any look of anger in her face. But there was in her gait and form, in her voice and countenance, a fixedness of purpose which he had never seen before, or at any rate had never acknowledged.
The next morning, he was surprised to see Patience on the gravel path in front of Miss Le Smyrger's gate right after breakfast. He went to the door to let her in, and as she offered him her hand, she told him she came to talk to him. There was no hesitation in how she acted, nor any sign of anger on her face. But in the way she walked and stood, in her voice and expression, there was a determination he had never noticed before, or at least had never acknowledged.
'Certainly,' said he. 'Shall I come out with you, or will you come upstairs?'
'Sure,' he said. 'Do you want me to come out with you, or do you want to come upstairs?'
'We can sit down in the summer-house,' she said; and thither they both went.
"We can sit in the summer house," she said, and they both went there.
'Captain Broughton,' she said—and she began her task the moment that they were both seated—'You and I have engaged ourselves as man and wife, but perhaps we have been over rash.'
'Captain Broughton,' she said—and she started her task as soon as they were both seated—'You and I have committed to each other as husband and wife, but maybe we were a bit hasty.'
'How so?' said he.
"How so?" he asked.
'It may be—and indeed I will say more—it is the case that we have made this engagement without knowing enough of each other's character.'
'It might be true—and I will go further to say it is—that we have entered into this agreement without understanding enough about each other's character.'
'I have not thought so.'
"I haven't thought that."
'The time will perhaps come when you will so think, but for the sake of all that we most value, let it come before it is too late. What would be our fate—how terrible would be our misery, if such a thought should come to either of us after we have linked our lots together.'
'There may come a time when you will think this way, but for the sake of everything we hold dear, let it happen before it’s too late. What would our fate be—how awful would our suffering be—if such a thought came to either of us after we’ve joined our lives together?'
There was a solemnity about her as she thus spoke which almost repressed him,—which for a time did prevent him from taking that tone of authority which on such a subject he would choose to adopt. But he recovered himself. 'I hardly think that this comes well from you,' he said.
There was a seriousness about her as she spoke, which almost held him back—at least for a moment, it stopped him from taking the authoritative tone he preferred on this topic. But he got himself together. "I don't think this really suits you," he said.
'From whom else should it come? Who else can fight my battle for me; and, John, who else can fight that same battle on your behalf? I tell you this, that with your mind standing towards me as it does stand at present you could not give me your hand at the altar with true words and a happy conscience. Is it not true? You have half repented of your bargain already. Is it not so?'
'From whom else could it come? Who else can fight my battle for me; and, John, who else can fight that same battle for you? I promise you this: with the way you’re feeling towards me right now, you couldn't honestly take my hand at the altar with true words and a clear conscience. Isn't that true? You've already half regretted your deal. Isn’t that right?'
He did not answer her; but getting up from his seat walked to the front of the summer-house, and stood there with his back turned upon her. It was not that he meant to be ungracious, but in truth he did not know how to answer her. He had half repented of his bargain.
He didn’t answer her; instead, he got up from his seat, walked to the front of the summer house, and stood there with his back to her. It wasn’t that he intended to be rude, but honestly, he didn’t know how to respond to her. He had a twinge of regret about his deal.
'John,' she said, getting up and following him so that she could put her hand upon his arm, 'I have been very angry with you.'
'John,' she said, standing up and following him so she could place her hand on his arm, 'I've been really angry with you.'
'Angry with me!' he said, turning sharp upon her.
"Angry with me!" he said, turning sharply toward her.
'Yes, angry with you. You would have treated me like a child. But that feeling has gone now. I am not angry now. There is my hand;—the hand of a friend. Let the words that have been spoken between us be as though they had not been spoken. Let us both be free.'
'Yes, I'm angry with you. You would have treated me like a child. But that feeling is gone now. I’m not angry anymore. Here’s my hand—the hand of a friend. Let’s forget the words we’ve said to each other. Let’s both be free.'
'Do you mean it?' he asked.
"Are you for real?" he asked.
'Certainly I mean it.' As she spoke these words her eyes were filled with tears in spite of all the efforts she could make to restrain them; but he was not looking at her, and her efforts had sufficed to prevent any sob from being audible.
'Of course I mean it.' As she said this, her eyes were brimming with tears despite her best efforts to hold them back; but he wasn't looking at her, and her attempts were enough to keep any sobs from being heard.
'With all my heart,' he said; and it was manifest from his tone that he had no thought of her happiness as he spoke. It was true that she had been angry with him—angry, as she had herself declared; but nevertheless, in what she had said and what she had done, she had thought more of his happiness than of her own. Now she was angry once again.
"With all my heart," he said; and it was clear from his tone that he wasn't thinking about her happiness as he spoke. It was true that she had been angry with him—angry, as she had herself said; but still, in what she had said and done, she had cared more about his happiness than her own. Now she was angry again.
'With all your heart, Captain Broughton! Well, so be it. If with all your heart, then is the necessity so much the greater. You go tomorrow. Shall we say farewell now?'
'With all your heart, Captain Broughton! Well, alright then. If it’s with all your heart, then the need is even greater. You’re leaving tomorrow. Should we say goodbye now?'
'Patience, I am not going to be lectured.'
'Patience, I’m not going to be lectured.'
'Certainly not by me. Shall we say farewell now?'
'Definitely not by me. Should we say goodbye now?'
'Yes, if you are determined.'
"Definitely, if you're determined."
'I am determined. Farewell, Captain Broughton. You have all my wishes for your happiness.' And she held out her hand to him.
'I am determined. Goodbye, Captain Broughton. I wish you all the happiness in the world.' And she extended her hand to him.
'Patience!' he said. And he looked at her with a dark frown, as though he would strive to frighten her into submission. If so, he might have saved himself any such attempt.
"Patience!" he said. He looked at her with a deep scowl, as if he wanted to scare her into submission. If that was his plan, he could have saved himself the trouble.
'Farewell, Captain Broughton. Give me your hand, for I cannot stay.' He gave her his hand, hardly knowing why he did so. She lifted it to her lips and kissed it, and then, leaving him, passed from the summer-house down through the wicket-gate, and straight home to the parsonage.
'Goodbye, Captain Broughton. Please give me your hand; I can't stay.' He took her hand, barely understanding why he did. She brought it to her lips and kissed it, then, leaving him, walked from the summer house through the small gate and directly home to the parsonage.
During the whole of that day she said no word to anyone of what had occurred. When she was once more at home she went about her household affairs as she had done on that day of his arrival. When she sat down to dinner with her father he observed nothing to make him think that she was unhappy, nor during the evening was there any expression in her face, or any tone in her voice, which excited his attention. On the following morning Captain Broughton called at the parsonage, and the servant-girl brought word to her mistress that he was in the parlour. But she would not see him. 'Laws miss, you ain't a quarrelled with your beau?' the poor girl said. 'No, not quarrelled,' she said; 'but give him that.' It was a scrap of paper containing a word or two in pencil. 'It is better that we should not meet again. God bless you.' And from that day to this, now more than ten years, they have never met.
Throughout that entire day, she didn’t speak to anyone about what had happened. Once she was back at home, she went about her daily chores just like she had on the day he arrived. When she sat down for dinner with her father, he noticed nothing that would make him think she was unhappy, and throughout the evening, there was no expression on her face or tone in her voice that caught his attention. The next morning, Captain Broughton stopped by the parsonage, and the maid told her that he was in the parlor. But she refused to see him. “Come on, miss, you haven’t had a fight with your guy, have you?” the poor girl asked. “No, not a fight,” she replied, “but give him this.” It was a scrap of paper with a few words written in pencil. “It’s better if we don’t meet again. God bless you.” And from that day on, for more than ten years now, they have never met.
'Papa,' she said to her father that afternoon, 'dear papa, do not be angry with me. It is all over between me and John Broughton. Dearest, you and I will not be separated.'
'Dad,' she said to her father that afternoon, 'please don't be mad at me. It's all over between me and John Broughton. You and I will always be together.'
It would be useless here to tell how great was the old man's surprise and how true his sorrow. As the tale was told to him no cause was given for anger with anyone. Not a word was spoken against the suitor who had on that day returned to London with a full conviction that now at least he was relieved from his engagement. 'Patty, my darling child,' he said, 'may God grant that it be for the best!'
It would be pointless to describe how shocked the old man was and how genuinely sad he felt. As the story was told to him, there was no reason given to be angry with anyone. Not a single word was said against the suitor who had returned to London that day, fully convinced that he was finally free from his engagement. "Patty, my dear child," he said, "may God grant that it turns out for the best!"
'It is for the best,' she answered stoutly. 'For this place I am fit; and I much doubt whether I am fit for any other.'
'It’s for the best,' she replied firmly. 'I belong here, and I seriously doubt that I’d fit in anywhere else.'
On that day she did not see Miss Le Smyrger, but on the following morning, knowing that Captain Broughton had gone off,—having heard the wheels of the carriage as they passed by the parsonage gate on his way to the station,—she walked up to the Colne.
On that day, she didn't see Miss Le Smyrger, but the next morning, knowing that Captain Broughton had left—she had heard the wheels of the carriage passing by the parsonage gate on his way to the station—she walked up to the Colne.
'He has told you, I suppose?' said she.
"He has told you, I assume?" she said.
'Yes,' said Miss Le Smyrger. 'And I will never see him again unless he asks your pardon on his knees. I have told him so. I would not even give him my hand as he went.'
'Yes,' said Miss Le Smyrger. 'And I won’t ever see him again unless he apologizes to you on his knees. I’ve made that clear to him. I wouldn’t even shake his hand when he left.'
'But why so, thou kindest one? The fault was mine more than his.'
'But why is that, my dear? The fault was more mine than his.'
'I understand. I have eyes in my head,' said the old maid. 'I have watched him for the last four or five days. If you could have kept the truth to yourself and bade him keep off from you, he would have been at your feet now, licking the dust from your shoes.'
"I get it. I can see," said the old maid. "I've been watching him for the last four or five days. If you had just kept the truth to yourself and told him to stay away from you, he would have been at your feet by now, trying to win your favor."
'But, dear friend, I do not want a man to lick dust from my shoes.'
'But, my dear friend, I don’t want a guy to clean dust off my shoes.'
'Ah, you are a fool. You do not know the value of your own wealth.'
'Oh, you’re such a fool. You don’t even realize the worth of your own wealth.'
'True; I have been a fool. I was a fool to think that one coming from such a life as he has led could be happy with such as I am. I know the truth now. I have bought the lesson dearly—but perhaps not too dearly, seeing that it will never be forgotten.'
'True; I’ve been a fool. I was a fool to think that someone coming from a life like his could be happy with someone like me. I know the truth now. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way—but maybe not too hard, since I’ll never forget it.'
There was but little more said about the matter between our three friends at Oxney Colne. What, indeed, could be said? Miss Le Smyrger for a year or two still expected that her nephew would return and claim his bride; but he has never done so, nor has there been any correspondence between them. Patience Woolsworthy had learned her lesson dearly. She had given her whole heart to the man; and, though she so bore herself that no one was aware of the violence of the struggle, nevertheless the struggle within her bosom was very violent. She never told herself that she had done wrong; she never regretted her loss; but yet—yet!—the loss was very hard to bear. He also had loved her, but he was not capable of a love which could much injure his daily peace. Her daily peace was gone for many a day to come.
Not much more was said about the situation between our three friends at Oxney Colne. What could really be said? Miss Le Smyrger held out hope for a year or two that her nephew would come back and claim his bride; however, he never did, nor was there any communication between them. Patience Woolsworthy learned her lesson the hard way. She had poured her whole heart into the man; and although she acted in a way that made no one aware of the intense struggle inside her, the battle within her was very fierce. She never convinced herself that she had made a mistake; she never regretted her loss; but still—still!—the loss was incredibly difficult to endure. He had loved her too, but he wasn't capable of a love that would disrupt his daily peace. Her daily peace had vanished for many days to come.
Her father is still living; but there is a curate now in the parish. In conjunction with him and with Miss Le Smyrger she spends her time in the concerns of the parish. In her own eyes she is a confirmed old maid; and such is my opinion also. The romance of her life was played out in that summer. She never sits now lonely on the hillside thinking how much she might do for one whom she really loved. But with a large heart she loves many, and, with no romance, she works hard to lighten the burdens of those she loves.
Her father is still alive, but there's now a curate in the parish. Together with him and Miss Le Smyrger, she spends her time on parish matters. She sees herself as a confirmed old maid, and I share that view. The romance of her life happened that summer. She no longer sits alone on the hillside, pondering how much she could do for someone she truly loved. Instead, with a big heart, she cares for many people and works hard, without any romance, to ease the burdens of those she loves.
As for Captain Broughton, all the world knows that he did marry that great heiress with whom his name was once before connected, and that he is now a useful member of Parliament, working on committees three or four days a week with zeal that is indefatigable. Sometimes, not often, as he thinks of Patience Woolsworthy a smile comes across his face.
As for Captain Broughton, everyone knows that he married that wealthy heiress he was previously linked to, and now he’s a valuable member of Parliament, dedicatedly working on committees three or four days a week with tireless enthusiasm. Occasionally, though not frequently, when he thinks about Patience Woolsworthy, a smile appears on his face.
ANTHONY GARSTIN'S COURTSHIP
By Hubert Crackanthorpe
(Savoy, July 1896)
(Savoy, July 1896)
I
A stampede of huddled sheep, wildly scampering over the slaty shingle, emerged from the leaden mist that muffled the fell-top, and a shrill shepherd's whistle broke the damp stillness of the air. And presently a man's figure appeared, following the sheep down the hillside. He halted a moment to whistle curtly to his two dogs, who, laying back their ears, chased the sheep at top speed beyond the brow; then, his hands deep in his pockets, he strode vigorously forward. A streak of white smoke from a toiling train was creeping silently across the distance: the great, grey, desolate undulations of treeless country showed no other sign of life.
A herd of huddled sheep, frantically running over the rocky ground, burst out of the heavy mist that shrouded the hilltop, and a sharp whistle from a shepherd shattered the damp stillness in the air. Soon, a man appeared, following the sheep down the hillside. He paused briefly to whistle sharply to his two dogs, who, with their ears back, raced after the sheep at full speed beyond the ridge; then, with his hands deep in his pockets, he walked purposefully forward. A thin wisp of white smoke from a struggling train was silently creeping across the landscape: the vast, gray, empty stretches of treeless land showed no other signs of life.
The sheep hurried in single file along a tiny track worn threadbare amid the brown, lumpy grass: and, as the man came round the mountain's shoulder, a narrow valley opened out beneath him—a scanty patchwork of green fields, and, here and there, a whitewashed farm, flanked by a dark cluster of sheltering trees.
The sheep rushed in a straight line along a small path worn down through the brown, clumpy grass. As the man rounded the mountain's edge, a narrow valley spread out below him—a patchy mix of green fields, with a few whitewashed farms here and there, surrounded by a dark group of trees offering shelter.
The man walked with a loose, swinging gait. His figure was spare and angular: he wore a battered, black felt hat and clumsy, iron-bound boots: his clothes were dingy from long exposure to the weather. He had close-set, insignificant eyes, much wrinkled, and stubbly eyebrows streaked with grey. His mouth was close-shaven, and drawn by his abstraction into hard and taciturn lines; beneath his chin bristled an unkempt fringe of sandy-coloured hair.
The man walked with a relaxed, swinging stride. He was lean and angular: he wore a worn black felt hat and heavy iron-bound boots. His clothes were dirty from being out in the weather for so long. He had close-set, unremarkable eyes, heavily wrinkled, and stubbly eyebrows streaked with gray. His mouth was closely shaved and drawn tight, reflecting his deep thoughts in hard, serious lines; beneath his chin, there was an unkempt patch of sandy-colored hair.
When he reached the foot of the fell, the twilight was already blurring the distance. The sheep scurried, with a noisy rustling, across a flat, swampy stretch, over-grown with rushes, while the dogs headed them towards a gap in a low, ragged wall built of loosely-heaped boulders. The man swung the gate to after them, and waited, whistling peremptorily, recalling the dogs. A moment later, the animals reappeared, cringing as they crawled through the bars of the gate. He kicked out at them contemptuously, and mounting a stone stile a few yards further up the road, dropped into a narrow lane.
When he got to the base of the hill, dusk was already fading the view. The sheep quickly moved, making a noisy rustling sound, across a flat, muddy area, overgrown with reeds, while the dogs guided them toward a gap in a low, uneven wall made of piled boulders. The man swung the gate shut after them and waited, whistling firmly to call the dogs back. A moment later, they showed up, looking sheepish as they squeezed through the gate's bars. He kicked at them in disgust and, climbing over a stone stile a few yards further down the road, dropped into a narrow lane.
Presently, as he passed a row of lighted windows, he heard a voice call to him. He stopped, and perceived a crooked, white-bearded figure, wearing clerical clothes, standing in the garden gateway.
Right now, as he walked by a line of lit windows, he heard someone call out to him. He stopped and saw a bent figure with a white beard, dressed in clerical clothes, standing in the garden entrance.
'Good-evening, Anthony. A raw evening this.'
'Good evening, Anthony. It's quite a chilly evening.'
'Ay, Mr. Blencarn, it is a bit frittish,' he answered. 'I've jest bin gittin' a few lambs off t'fell. I hope ye're keepin' fairly, an' Miss Rosa too.' He spoke briefly, with a loud, spontaneous cordiality.
"Yeah, Mr. Blencarn, it’s a bit chilly," he replied. "I’ve just been getting a few lambs off the hill. I hope you’re doing well, and Miss Rosa too." He spoke briefly, with a loud, genuine friendliness.
'Thank ye, Anthony, thank ye. Rosa's down at the church, playing over the hymns for tomorrow. How's Mrs. Garstin?'
'Thank you, Anthony, thank you. Rosa's at the church, practicing the hymns for tomorrow. How's Mrs. Garstin?'
'Nicely, thank ye, Mr. Blencarn. She's wonderful active, is mother.'
'Thank you, Mr. Blencarn. Mom is really active.'
'Well, good night to ye, Anthony,' said the old man, clicking the gate.
'Well, good night to you, Anthony,' said the old man, clicking the gate.
'Good night, Mr. Blencarn,' he called back.
'Good night, Mr. Blencarn,' he yelled back.
A few minutes later the twinkling lights of the village came in sight, and from within the sombre form of the square-towered church, looming by the roadside, the slow, solemn strains of the organ floated out on the evening air. Anthony lightened his tread: then paused, listening; but, presently, becoming aware that a man stood, listening also, on the bridge some few yards distant, he moved forward again. Slackening his pace, as he approached, he eyed the figure keenly; but the man paid no heed to him, remaining, with his back turned, gazing over the parapet into the dark, gurgling stream.
A few minutes later, the twinkling lights of the village came into view, and from the dark outline of the square-towered church by the roadside, the slow, solemn sounds of the organ floated out into the evening air. Anthony picked up his pace, then paused to listen; however, he soon noticed that a man was standing on the bridge a few yards away, also listening, so he moved forward again. Slowing down as he got closer, he scrutinized the figure, but the man didn’t pay him any attention, standing with his back turned, gazing over the parapet into the dark, gurgling stream.
Anthony trudged along the empty village street, past the gleaming squares of ruddy gold, starting on either side out of the darkness. Now and then he looked furtively backwards. The straight open road lay behind him, glimmering wanly: the organ seemed to have ceased: the figure on the bridge had left the parapet, and appeared to be moving away towards the church. Anthony halted, watching it till it had disappeared into the blackness beneath the churchyard trees. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he left the road, and mounted an upland meadow towards his mother's farm.
Anthony trudged along the empty village street, past the shining patches of bright gold that shimmered on either side out of the darkness. Every now and then, he glanced back nervously. The straight, open road behind him glowed faintly: the organ seemed to have stopped playing; the figure on the bridge had left the railing and appeared to be walking away toward the church. Anthony paused, watching it until it vanished into the shadows beneath the churchyard trees. Then, after a moment's hesitation, he stepped off the road and climbed up a grassy field toward his mother's farm.
It was a bare, oblong house. In front, a whitewashed porch, and a narrow garden-plot, enclosed by a low iron railing, were dimly discernible: behind, the steep fell-side loomed like a monstrous, mysterious curtain hung across the night. He passed round the back into the twilight of a wide yard, cobbled and partially grass-grown, vaguely flanked by the shadowy outlines of long, low farm-buildings. All was wrapped in darkness: somewhere overhead a bat fluttered, darting its puny scream.
It was a plain, rectangular house. In front, a whitewashed porch and a small garden, surrounded by a low iron fence, could be faintly seen. Behind it, the steep hillside rose up like a huge, mysterious curtain draped across the night. He walked around to the back into the dimness of a large yard, which was paved with cobblestones and partly overgrown with grass, vaguely bordered by the dark shapes of long, low farm buildings. Everything was shrouded in darkness; somewhere above, a bat flitted around, making its tiny screech.
Inside, a blazing peat-fire scattered capering shadows across the smooth, stone floor, flickered among the dim rows of hams suspended from the ceiling and on the panelled cupboards of dark, glistening oak. A servant-girl, spreading the cloth for supper, clattered her clogs in and out of the kitchen: old Mrs. Garstin was stooping before the hearth, tremulously turning some girdle-cakes that lay roasting in the embers.
Inside, a roaring peat fire cast dancing shadows across the smooth stone floor, flickering among the dim rows of hams hanging from the ceiling and on the paneled cupboards of dark, shiny oak. A server girl, setting the table for dinner, clattered her clogs while moving in and out of the kitchen: old Mrs. Garstin was bent over the hearth, nervously flipping some girdle cakes that were roasting in the embers.
At the sound of Anthony's heavy tread in the passage, she rose, glancing sharply at the clock above the chimney-piece. She was a heavy-built woman, upright, stalwart almost, despite her years. Her face was gaunt and sallow; deep wrinkles accentuated the hardness of her features. She wore a black widow's cap above her iron-grey hair, gold-rimmed spectacles, and a soiled, chequered apron.
At the sound of Anthony's heavy footsteps in the hallway, she stood up, quickly glancing at the clock above the fireplace. She was a solidly built woman, standing tall and strong despite her age. Her face was thin and pale; deep wrinkles emphasized the harshness of her features. She wore a black widow's cap over her gray hair, gold-rimmed glasses, and a stained, checkered apron.
'Ye're varra late, Tony,' she remarked querulously.
'You're really late, Tony,' she said annoyed.
He unloosened his woollen neckerchief, and when he had hung it methodically with his hat behind the door, answered:
He loosened his woolen scarf, and after he hung it neatly with his hat behind the door, he replied:
''Twas terrible thick on t' fell-top, an' them two bitches be that senseless.'
''It was really thick on the hilltop, and those two dogs are so clueless.''
She caught his sleeve, and, through her spectacles, suspiciously scrutinized his face.
She grabbed his sleeve and, peering through her glasses, looked suspiciously at his face.
'Ye did na meet wi' Rosa Blencarn?'
'Did you not meet with Rosa Blencarn?'
'Nay, she was in church, hymn-playin', wi' Luke Stock hangin' roond door,' he retorted bitterly, rebuffing her with rough impatience.
'No, she was in church, playing hymns, with Luke Stock hanging around the door,' he snapped back harshly, pushing her away with irritation.
She moved away, nodding sententiously to herself. They began supper: neither spoke: Anthony sat slowly stirring his tea, and staring moodily into the flames: the bacon on his plate lay untouched. From time to time his mother, laying down her knife and fork, looked across at him in unconcealed asperity, pursing her wide, ungainly mouth. At last, abruptly setting down her cup, she broke out:
She walked away, nodding thoughtfully to herself. They started dinner: neither said a word: Anthony sat slowly stirring his tea, staring drearily into the flames: the bacon on his plate went untouched. Occasionally, his mother, putting down her knife and fork, glanced at him with clear annoyance, pursing her large, awkward mouth. Finally, suddenly putting down her cup, she exclaimed:
'I wonder ye hav'na mare pride, Tony. For hoo lang are ye goin' t' continue settin' mopin' and broodin' like a seck sheep? Ye'll jest mak yesself ill, an' then I reckon what ye'll prove satisfied. Ay, but I wonder ye hav'na more pride.'
'I wonder you don't have more pride, Tony. How long are you going to keep sitting around moping and brooding like a sad sheep? You'll just make yourself sick, and then I guess what you'll prove is that you're satisfied. Yeah, but I wonder you don't have more pride.'
But he made no answer, remaining unmoved, as if he had not heard.
But he didn’t respond, staying still, as if he hadn’t heard.
Presently, half to himself, without raising his eyes, he murmured:
Presently, to himself, without looking up, he muttered:
'Luke be goin' South, Monday.'
'Luke's going South, Monday.'
'Well, ye canna tak' oop wi' his leavin's anyways. It hasna coom't that, has it? Ye doan't intend settin' all t' parish a laughin' at ye a second occasion?'
'Well, you can't deal with his leftovers anyway. It hasn't happened that way, has it? You don't plan on making the whole parish laugh at you a second time, do you?'
He flushed dully, and bending over his plate, mechanically began his supper.
He blushed slightly and, leaning over his plate, started eating his dinner without really thinking.
'Wa dang it,' he broke out a minute later, 'd'ye think I heed the cacklin' o' fifty parishes? Na, not I,' and, with a short, grim laugh, he brought his fist down heavily on the oak table.
"Well darn it," he exclaimed a minute later, "do you think I care about the clucking of fifty parishes? No way," and with a short, harsh laugh, he slammed his fist down hard on the oak table.
'Ye're daft, Tony,' the old woman blurted.
'You're crazy, Tony,' the old woman blurted.
'Daft or na daft, I tell ye this, mother, that I be forty-six year o' age this back-end, and there be some things I will na listen to. Rosa Blencarn's bonny enough for me.'
'Whether it's silly or not, I'm telling you this, Mom: I'm forty-six years old this fall, and there are some things I just won't accept. Rosa Blencarn is perfect for me.'
'Ay, bonny enough—I've na patience wi' ye. Bonny enough—tricked oot in her furbelows, gallivantin' wi' every royster fra Pe'rith. Bonny enough—that be all ye think on. She's bin a proper parson's niece—the giddy, feckless creature, an she'd mak' ye a proper sort o' wife, Tony Garstin, ye great, fond booby.'
'Aye, she's cute enough—I have no patience with you. Cute enough—dressed up in her fancy clothes, running around with every fool from Perth. Cute enough—that's all you care about. She's been a proper parson's niece—the silly, irresponsible girl, and she'd make you a proper wife, Tony Garstin, you big, foolish idiot.'
She pushed back her chair, and, hurriedly clattering the crockery, began to clear away the supper.
She pushed her chair back and, quickly making a racket with the dishes, started to clean up after dinner.
'T' hoose be mine, t' Lord be praised,' she continued in a loud, hard voice, 'an' as long as he spare me, Tony, I'll na see Rosa Blencarn set foot inside it.'
'The house is mine, thank the Lord,' she continued in a loud, harsh voice, 'and as long as he spares me, Tony, I won't let Rosa Blencarn step foot inside it.'
Anthony scowled, without replying, and drew his chair to the hearth. His mother bustled about the room behind him. After a while she asked:
Anthony frowned without saying anything and pulled his chair closer to the fireplace. His mother moved around the room behind him. After a while, she asked:
'Did ye pen t' lambs in t' back field?'
'Did you pen the lambs in the back field?'
'Na, they're in Hullam bottom,' he answered curtly.
'No, they're in Hullam bottom,' he replied shortly.
The door closed behind her, and by and by he could hear her moving overhead. Meditatively blinking, he filled his pipe clumsily, and pulling a crumpled newspaper from his pocket, sat on over the smouldering fire, reading and stolidly puffing.
The door shut behind her, and soon he could hear her moving upstairs. Lost in thought, he awkwardly filled his pipe and, pulling a wrinkled newspaper from his pocket, sat by the smoldering fire, reading and puffing calmly.
II
The music rolled through the dark, empty church. The last, leaden flicker of daylight glimmered in through the pointed windows, and beyond the level rows of dusky pews, tenanted only by a litter of prayer-books, two guttering candles revealed the organ pipes, and the young girl's swaying figure.
The music flowed through the dark, empty church. The last heavy flicker of daylight shone through the pointed windows, and beyond the even rows of dim pews, occupied only by a scattered array of prayer books, two flickering candles illuminated the organ pipes and the young girl's swaying figure.
She played vigorously. Once or twice the tune stumbled, and she recovered it impatiently, bending over the key-board, showily flourishing her wrists as she touched the stops. She was bare-headed (her hat and cloak lay beside her on a stool). She had fair, fluffy hair, cut short behind her neck; large, round eyes, heightened by a fringe of dark lashes; rough, ruddy cheeks, and a rosy, full-lipped, unstable mouth. She was dressed quite simply, in a black, close-fitting bodice, a little frayed at the sleeves. Her hands and neck were coarsely fashioned: her comeliness was brawny, literal, unfinished, as it were.
She played with energy. Once or twice the tune stumbled, but she quickly recovered, leaning over the keyboard and dramatically waving her wrists as she adjusted the stops. She was without a hat (her hat and cloak were on a stool beside her). She had soft, light hair cut short at the back of her neck; large, round eyes accentuated by dark lashes; rough, rosy cheeks, and a bright, full-lipped mouth that seemed unpredictable. She was dressed simply, in a black, fitted top that was slightly frayed at the sleeves. Her hands and neck had a rough elegance: her beauty was strong, straightforward, and a bit raw.
When at last the ponderous chords of the Amen faded slowly into the twilight, flushed, breathing a little quickly, she paused, listening to the stillness of the church. Presently a small boy emerged from behind the organ.
When the heavy chords of the Amen finally faded into the twilight, she paused, a bit flushed and breathing quickly, listening to the silence of the church. After a moment, a small boy appeared from behind the organ.
'Good evenin', Miss Rosa', he called, trotting briskly away down the aisle.
'Good evening, Miss Rosa,' he called, walking quickly away down the aisle.
'Good night, Robert', she answered, absently.
"Good night, Robert," she replied, distractedly.
After a while, with an impatient gesture, as if to shake some importunate thought from her mind, she rose abruptly, pinned on her hat, threw her cloak round her shoulders, blew out the candles, and groped her way through the church, towards the half-open door. As she hurried along the narrow pathway that led across the churchyard, of a sudden, a figure started out of the blackness.
After a while, with an impatient movement, as if trying to shake off some annoying thought, she stood up suddenly, put on her hat, wrapped her cloak around her shoulders, blew out the candles, and made her way through the church toward the half-open door. As she rushed along the narrow path that led across the churchyard, a figure suddenly emerged from the darkness.
'Who's that?' she cried, in a loud, frightened voice.
"Who’s that?" she shouted, sounding scared.
A man's uneasy laugh answered her.
A man gave an uncomfortable laugh in response to her.
'It's only me, Rosa. I didna' think t' scare ye. I've bin waitin' for ye, this hoor past.'
'It's just me, Rosa. I didn't mean to scare you. I've been waiting for you, this whole time.'
She made no reply, but quickened her pace. He strode on beside her.
She didn’t respond but speeded up. He walked next to her.
'I'm off, Monday, ye know,' he continued. And, as she said nothing, 'Will ye na stop jest a minnit? I'd like t' speak a few words wi' ye before I go, an tomorrow I hev t' git over t' Scarsdale betimes,' he persisted.
"I'm leaving on Monday, you know," he continued. And since she said nothing, he added, "Will you not stop for just a minute? I'd like to speak a few words with you before I go, and tomorrow I have to get over to Scarsdale early," he insisted.
'I don't want t' speak wi' ye: I don't want ever to see ye agin. I jest hate the sight o' ye.' She spoke with a vehement, concentrated hoarseness.
"I don't want to talk to you: I never want to see you again. I just hate the sight of you." She spoke with a fierce, focused rasp.
'Nay, but ye must listen to me. I will na be put off wi' fratchin speeches.'
'Nay, but you must listen to me. I won't be distracted by pointless speeches.'
And gripping her arm, he forced her to stop.
And he grabbed her arm, making her stop.
'Loose me, ye great beast,' she broke out.
'Let me go, you big beast,' she exclaimed.
'I'll na hould ye, if ye'll jest stand quiet-like. I meant t' speak fair t' ye, Rosa.'
'I'm not going to hold you if you just stay calm. I intended to speak nicely to you, Rosa.'
They stood at a bend in the road, face to face quite close together. Behind his burly form stretched the dimness of a grey, ghostly field.
They stood at a curve in the road, face to face, almost touching. Behind his strong build lay the shadowy expanse of a gray, eerie field.
'What is't ye hev to say to me? Hev done wi' it quick,' she said sullenly.
"What do you have to say to me? Get it over with quickly," she said sullenly.
'It be jest this, Rosa,' he began with dogged gravity. 'I want t' tell ye that ef any trouble comes t'ye after I'm gone—ye know t' what I refer—I want t' tell ye that I'm prepared t' act square by ye. I've written out on an envelope my address in London. Luke Stock, care o' Purcell and Co., Smithfield Market, London.'
"It’s just this, Rosa," he started with serious determination. "I want to tell you that if any trouble comes your way after I’m gone—you know what I mean—I want you to know that I’m ready to help you out. I’ve written down my address on an envelope: Luke Stock, c/o Purcell and Co., Smithfield Market, London."
'Ye're a bad, sinful man. I jest hate t' sight o' ye. I wish ye were dead.'
'You're a bad, sinful man. I just hate the sight of you. I wish you were dead.'
'Ay, but I reckon what ye'd ha best thought o' that before. Ye've changed yer whistle considerably since Tuesday. Nay, hould on,' he added, as she struggled to push past him. 'Here's t' envelope.'
'Ay, but I guess you should have thought about that earlier. You've changed your tune a lot since Tuesday. No, hold on,' he added, as she tried to push past him. 'Here's the envelope.'
She snatched the paper, and tore it passionately, scattering the fragments on to the road. When she had finished, he burst out angrily:
She grabbed the paper and ripped it up furiously, scattering the pieces onto the road. When she was done, he erupted angrily:
'Ye cussed, unreasonable fool.'
'You cursed, unreasonable fool.'
'Let me pass, ef ye've nought mare t'say,' she cried.
"Let me pass, if you have nothing more to say," she shouted.
'Nay, I'll na part wi' ye this fashion. Ye can speak soft enough when ye choose.' And seizing her shoulders, he forced her backwards against the wall.
'No way, I'm not going to part with you like this. You can talk sweetly when you want to.' And grabbing her shoulders, he pushed her back against the wall.
'Ye do look fine, an' na mistake, when ye're jest ablaze wi' ragin',' he laughed bluntly, lowering his face to hers.
'You look great, no doubt about it, when you're just burning with rage,' he laughed straightforwardly, lowering his face to hers.
'Loose me, loose me, ye great coward,' she gasped, striving to free her arms.
'Let me go, let me go, you big coward,' she gasped, trying to free her arms.
Holding her fast, he expostulated:
Holding her tight, he protested:
'Coom, Rosa, can we na part friends?'
'Coom, Rosa, can we not be friends?'
'Part friends, indeed,' she retorted bitterly. 'Friends wi' the likes o' you. What d'ye tak me for? Let me git home, I tell ye. An' please God I'll never set eyes on ye again. I hate t' sight o' ye.'
'Part friends, really,' she shot back bitterly. 'Friends with someone like you? What do you think I am? Just let me go home, I’m telling you. And God willing, I'll never have to see you again. I can't stand the sight of you.'
'Be off wi' ye, then,' he answered, pushing her roughly back into the road. 'Be off wi' ye, ye silly. Ye canna say I hav na spak fair t' ye, an', by goom, ye'll na see me shally-wallyin this fashion agin. Be off wi' ye: ye can jest shift for yerself, since ye canna keep a civil tongue in yer head.'
"Get out of here, then," he replied, shoving her roughly back onto the road. "Get lost, you fool. You can’t say I haven’t spoken to you fairly, and, I swear, you won’t see me putting up with this again. Get out of here: you can just take care of yourself, since you can’t keep a civil tongue in your mouth."
The girl, catching at her breath, stood as if dazed, watching his retreating figure; then starting forward at a run, disappeared up the hill, into the darkness.
The girl, out of breath, stood there looking stunned as she watched him walk away; then, breaking into a run, she vanished up the hill and into the darkness.
III
Old Mr. Blencarn concluded his husky sermon. The scanty congregation, who had been sitting, stolidly immobile in their stiff, Sunday clothes, shuffled to their feet, and the pewful of school children, in clamorous chorus, intoned the final hymn. Anthony stood near the organ, absently contemplating, while the rude melody resounded through the church, Rosa's deft manipulation of the key-board. The rugged lines of his face were relaxed to a vacant, thoughtful limpness, that aged his expression not a little: now and then, as if for reference, he glanced questioningly at the girl's profile.
Old Mr. Blencarn finished his husky sermon. The small congregation, who had been sitting stiffly in their formal Sunday clothes, slowly got to their feet, and the row of school kids, in loud unison, sang the final hymn. Anthony stood near the organ, absentmindedly thinking while the rough melody echoed through the church, admiring Rosa's skillful playing. The harsh lines of his face relaxed into a vacant, thoughtful look that made him seem older: every so often, as if checking something, he glanced curiously at the girl's profile.
A few minutes later the service was over, and the congregation sauntered out down the aisle. A gawky group of men remained loitering by the church door: one of them called to Anthony; but, nodding curtly, he passed on, and strode away down the road, across the grey upland meadows, towards home. As soon as he had breasted the hill, however, and was no longer visible from below, he turned abruptly to the left, along a small, swampy hollow, till he had reached the lane that led down from the fell-side.
A few minutes later, the service ended, and the congregation casually walked out down the aisle. A clumsy group of men hung around by the church door: one of them called out to Anthony, but he just nodded briefly and continued on, striding down the road, across the grey upland meadows, towards home. Once he reached the top of the hill and was out of sight from below, he suddenly turned left into a small, muddy hollow, until he got to the lane that led down from the hillside.
He clambered over a rugged, moss-grown wall, and stood, gazing expectantly down the dark, disused roadway; then, after a moment's hesitation, perceiving nobody, seated himself beneath the wall, on a projecting slab of stone.
He climbed over a rough, moss-covered wall and stood there, looking hopefully down the dark, unused road; then, after a moment of hesitation, seeing no one, he sat down under the wall on a jutting stone slab.
Overhead hung a sombre, drifting sky. A gusty wind rollicked down from the fell—huge masses of chilly grey, stripped of the last night's mist. A few dead leaves fluttered over the stones, and from off the fell-side there floated the plaintive, quavering rumour of many bleating sheep.
Overhead was a dark, drifting sky. A strong wind blew down from the mountain—large patches of cold gray, clear of last night's fog. A few dead leaves danced over the rocks, and from the mountainside came the sad, wavering sound of many bleating sheep.
Before long, he caught sight of two figures coming towards him, slowly climbing the hill. He sat awaiting their approach, fidgeting with his sandy beard, and abstractedly grinding the ground beneath his heel. At the brow they halted: plunging his hands deep into his pockets, he strolled sheepishly towards them.
Before long, he saw two figures walking toward him, slowly making their way up the hill. He sat there, waiting for them to get closer, fiddling with his sandy beard and mindlessly rubbing the ground with his heel. When they reached the top, they stopped: he shoved his hands deep into his pockets and awkwardly walked over to them.
'Ah! good day t' ye, Anthony,' called the old man, in a shrill, breathless voice. ''Tis a long hill, an' my legs are not what they were. Time was when I'd think nought o' a whole day's tramp on t' fells. Ay, I'm gittin' feeble, Anthony, that's what 'tis. And if Rosa here wasn't the great, strong lass she is, I don't know how her old uncle'd manage;' and he turned to the girl with a proud, tremulous smile.
"Ah! Good day to you, Anthony," called the old man in a high, breathless voice. "It's a long hill, and my legs aren’t what they used to be. There was a time when a whole day's hike on the hills wouldn’t bother me at all. Yeah, I'm getting weak, Anthony, that’s what it is. And if Rosa here wasn’t the incredible, strong girl she is, I don’t know how her old uncle would manage;" and he turned to the girl with a proud, shaky smile.
'Will ye tak my arm a bit, Mr. Blencarn? Miss Rosa'll be tired, likely,' Anthony asked.
"Will you take my arm for a moment, Mr. Blencarn? Miss Rosa will probably be tired," Anthony asked.
'Nay, Mr. Garstin, but I can manage nicely,' the girl interrupted sharply.
'Nah, Mr. Garstin, but I can handle it just fine,' the girl interrupted sharply.
Anthony looked up at her as she spoke. She wore a straw hat, trimmed with crimson velvet, and a black, fur-edged cape, that seemed to set off mightily the fine whiteness of her neck. Her large, dark eyes were fixed upon him. He shifted his feet uneasily, and dropped his glance.
Anthony looked up at her while she spoke. She had on a straw hat with a crimson velvet trim and a black fur-edged cape that really highlighted the fine whiteness of her neck. Her large dark eyes were focused on him. He shifted his feet awkwardly and looked down.
She linked her uncle's arm in hers, and the three moved slowly forward. Old Mr. Blencarn walked with difficulty, pausing at intervals for breath. Anthony, his eyes bent on the ground, sauntered beside him, clumsily kicking at the cobbles that lay in his path.
She linked her uncle's arm with hers, and the three of them moved slowly forward. Old Mr. Blencarn walked with difficulty, stopping occasionally to catch his breath. Anthony, his eyes focused on the ground, strolled alongside him, awkwardly kicking the cobblestones in his way.
When they reached the vicarage gate, the old man asked him to come inside.
When they got to the vicarage gate, the old man invited him in.
'Not jest now, thank ye, Mr. Blencarn. I've that lot o' lambs t' see to before dinner. It's a grand marnin', this,' he added, inconsequently.
'No joking now, thank you, Mr. Blencarn. I've got that bunch of lambs to take care of before dinner. It's a beautiful morning, though,' he added, somewhat offhandedly.
'Uncle's bought a nice lot o' Leghorns, Tuesday,' Rosa remarked. Anthony met her gaze; there was a grave, subdued expression on her face this morning, that made her look more of a woman, less of a girl.
"Uncle bought a nice bunch of Leghorns on Tuesday," Rosa said. Anthony met her gaze; there was a serious, subdued look on her face this morning that made her seem more like a woman and less like a girl.
'Ay, do ye show him the birds, Rosa. I'd be glad to have his opinion on 'em.'
'Yeah, show him the birds, Rosa. I'd love to hear what he thinks about them.'
The old man turned to hobble into the house, and Rosa, as she supported his arm, called back over her shoulder:
The old man turned to walk into the house, and Rosa, while supporting his arm, called back over her shoulder:
'I'll not be a minute, Mr. Garstin.'
'I'll be back in a minute, Mr. Garstin.'
Anthony strolled round to the yard behind the house, and waited, watching a flock of glossy-white poultry that strutted, perkily pecking, over the grass-grown cobbles.
Anthony walked around to the yard behind the house and waited, watching a group of shiny white chickens that confidently strutted, cheerfully pecking at the grass-covered cobblestones.
'Ay, Miss Rosa, they're a bonny lot,' he remarked, as the girl joined him.
'Ay, Miss Rosa, they're a good-looking bunch,' he said, as the girl joined him.
'Are they not?' she rejoined, scattering a handful of corn before her.
"Are they not?" she replied, tossing a handful of corn in front of her.
The birds scuttled across the yard with greedy, outstretched necks. The two stood, side by side, gazing at them.
The birds rushed across the yard with eager, stretching necks. The two stood next to each other, watching them.
'What did he give for 'em?' Anthony asked.
'What did he give for them?' Anthony asked.
'Fifty-five shillings.'
'Fifty-five shillings.'
'Ay,' he assented, nodding absently.
"Yeah," he agreed, nodding absentmindedly.
'Was Dr. Sanderson na seein' o' yer father yesterday?' he asked, after a moment.
'Did Dr. Sanderson see your father yesterday?' he asked after a moment.
'He came in t' forenoon. He said he was jest na worse.'
He came in the morning. He said he was just as bad as ever.
'Ye knaw, Miss Rosa, as I'm still thinkin' on ye,' he began abruptly, without looking up.
'You know, Miss Rosa, as I'm still thinking about you,' he started suddenly, without looking up.
'I reckon it ain't much use,' she answered shortly, scattering another handful of corn towards the birds. 'I reckon I'll never marry. I'm jest weary o' bein' courted—'
"I don't think it’s worth much," she replied briefly, tossing another handful of corn to the birds. "I don’t think I’ll ever get married. I’m just tired of being wooed—"
'I would na weary ye wi' courtin',' he interrupted.
'I wouldn't want to bore you with courtship,' he interrupted.
She laughed noisily.
She laughed out loud.
'Ye are a queer customer, an' na mistake.'
'You are a strange one, no doubt about it.'
'I'm a match for Luke Stock anyway,' he continued fiercely. 'Ye think nought o' taking oop wi' him—about as ranty, wild a young feller as ever stepped.'
'I'm a match for Luke Stock anyway,' he continued fiercely. 'You think nothing of getting involved with him—he's about as wild and rowdy a young guy as you could find.'
The girl reddened, and bit her lip.
The girl blushed and bit her lip.
'I don't know what you mean, Mr. Garstin. It seems to me ye're might hasty in jumpin' t' conclusions.'
"I don't know what you mean, Mr. Garstin. It seems to me you're being a bit hasty in jumping to conclusions."
'Mabbe I kin see a thing or two,' he retorted doggedly.
"Maybe I can see a thing or two," he replied stubbornly.
'Luke Stock's gone to London, anyway.'
'Luke Stock has gone to London, anyway.'
'Ay, an' a powerful good job too, in t' opinion o' some folks.'
'Aye, and a pretty good job too, in the opinion of some people.'
'Ye're jest jealous,' she exclaimed, with a forced titter. 'Ye're jest jealous o' Luke Stock.'
'You're just jealous,' she exclaimed, with a forced laugh. 'You're just jealous of Luke Stock.'
'Nay, but ye need na fill yer head wi' that nonsense. I'm too deep set on ye t' feel jealousy,' he answered, gravely.
'No, but you don't need to fill your head with that nonsense. I'm too invested in you to feel jealousy,' he replied seriously.
The smile faded from her face, as she murmured:
The smile disappeared from her face as she whispered:
'I canna mak ye out, Mr. Garstin.'
'I can't figure you out, Mr. Garstin.'
'Nay, that ye canna. An' I suppose it's natural, considerin' ye're little more than a child, an' I'm a'most old enough to be yer father,' he retorted, with blunt bitterness.
'No, you can't. And I guess it's normal, considering you're not much more than a kid, and I'm almost old enough to be your father,' he replied, with harsh bitterness.
'But ye know yer mother's took that dislike t' me. She'd never abide the sight o' me at Hootsey.'
'But you know your mother doesn't like me. She could never stand the sight of me at Hootsey.'
He remained silent a moment, moodily reflecting.
He stayed quiet for a moment, lost in thought.
'She'd jest ha't' git ower it. I see nought in that objection,' he declared.
'She'd just have to get over it. I see nothing in that objection,' he declared.
'Nay, Mr. Garstin, it canna be. Indeed it canna be at all. Ye'd best jest put it right from yer mind, once and for all.'
'No, Mr. Garstin, it can't be. Really, it can't be at all. You'd better just put it out of your mind, once and for all.'
'I'd jest best put it off my mind, had I? Ye talk like a child!' he burst out scornfully. 'I intend ye t' coom t' love me, an' I will na tak ye till ye do. I'll jest go on waitin' for ye, an', mark my words, my day 'ull coom at last.'
"I'd better put it out of my mind, shouldn’t I? You sound like a child!" he snapped scornfully. "I expect you to come to love me, and I won't take you until you do. I'll just keep waiting for you, and, mark my words, my day will come eventually."
He spoke loudly, in a slow, stubborn voice, and stepped suddenly towards her. With a faint, frightened cry she shrank back into the doorway of the hen-house.
He spoke loudly, in a slow, determined voice, and suddenly stepped toward her. With a faint, terrified gasp, she recoiled into the doorway of the hen-house.
'Ye talk like a prophet. Ye sort o' skeer me.'
'You talk like a prophet. You kind of scare me.'
He laughed grimly, and paused, reflectively scanning her face. He seemed about to continue in the same strain; but, instead, turned abruptly on his heel, and strode away through the garden gate.
He laughed grimly and paused, thoughtfully examining her face. He looked like he was going to keep going in the same way, but instead, he suddenly turned on his heel and walked away through the garden gate.
IV
For three hundred years there had been a Garstin at Hootsey: generation after generation had tramped the grey stretch of upland, in the spring-time scattering their flocks over the fell-sides, and, at the 'back-end', on dark, winter afternoons, driving them home again, down the broad bridle-path that led over the 'raise'. They had been a race of few words, 'keeping themselves to themselves', as the phrase goes; beholden to no man, filled with a dogged, churlish pride—an upright, old-fashioned race, stubborn, long-lived, rude in speech, slow of resolve.
For three hundred years, a Garstin had lived at Hootsey: generation after generation had walked the gray stretch of upland, scattering their flocks across the hills in springtime and, in the fall, on dark winter afternoons, bringing them back down the wide bridle-path that led over the rise. They were a quiet people, “keeping to themselves,” as the saying goes; dependent on no one, filled with stubborn pride—an old-fashioned group, proud, long-lived, blunt in speech, and slow to make decisions.
Anthony had never seen his father, who had died one night, upon the fell-top, he and his shepherd, engulfed in the great snowstorm of 1849. Folks had said that he was the only Garstin who had failed to make old man's bones.
Anthony had never seen his father, who had died one night on the mountain with his shepherd, caught in the huge snowstorm of 1849. People said he was the only Garstin who hadn’t lived to be old.
After his death, Jake Atkinson, from Ribblehead in Yorkshire, had come to live at Hootsey. Jake was a fine farmer, a canny bargainer, and very handy among the sheep, till he took to drink, and roystering every week with the town wenches up at Carlisle. He was a corpulent, deep-voiced, free-handed fellow: when his time came, though he died very hardly, he remained festive and convivial to the last. And for years afterwards, in the valley, his memory lingered: men spoke of him regretfully, recalling his quips, his feats of strength, and his choice breed of Herdwicke rams. But he left behind him a host of debts up at Carlisle, in Penrith, and in almost every market town—debts that he had long ago pretended to have paid with money that belonged to his sister. The widow Garstin sold the twelve Herdwicke rams, and nine acres of land: within six weeks she had cleared off every penny, and for thirteen months, on Sundays, wore her mourning with a mute, forbidding grimness: the bitter thought that, unbeknown to her, Jake had acted dishonestly in money matters, and that he had ended his days in riotous sin, soured her pride, imbued her with a rancorous hostility against all the world. For she was a very proud woman, independent, holding her head high, so folks said, like a Garstin bred and born; and Anthony, although some reckoned him quiet and of little account, came to take after her as he grew into manhood.
After his death, Jake Atkinson, from Ribblehead in Yorkshire, came to live at Hootsey. Jake was a good farmer, a savvy bargainer, and skilled with sheep, until he started drinking and partying every week with the local women in Carlisle. He was a hefty, deep-voiced, generous guy: when his time came, although he died hard, he stayed cheerful and sociable until the end. For years after, in the valley, people remembered him: men spoke about him with regret, recalling his jokes, his strength, and his prized Herdwick rams. However, he left behind a mountain of debts in Carlisle, Penrith, and nearly every market town—debts he had long ago pretended to pay off using money that belonged to his sister. Widow Garstin sold the twelve Herdwick rams and nine acres of land: within six weeks, she had cleared every cent, and for thirteen months, on Sundays, she wore her mourning with a silent, grim determination. The bitter realization that, without her knowledge, Jake had been dishonest with money, and that he had ended his life in reckless sin, soured her pride and filled her with resentment against the world. For she was a very proud woman, independent and holding her head high, as people said, like a true Garstin; and Anthony, although some considered him quiet and unremarkable, began to take after her as he grew into a man.
She took into her own hands the management of the Hootsey farm, and set the boy to work for her along with the two farm servants. It was twenty-five years now since his uncle Jake's death: there were grey hairs in his sandy beard; but he still worked for his mother, as he had done when a growing lad.
She took charge of the Hootsey farm and had the boy work for her alongside the two farmhands. It had been twenty-five years since her uncle Jake's death: there were gray hairs in his sandy beard; but he still worked for his mother, just like he had when he was a growing boy.
And now that times were grown to be bad (of late years the price of stock had been steadily falling; and the hay harvests had drifted from bad to worse) the widow Garstin no longer kept any labouring men; but lived, she and her son, year in and year out, in a close parsimonious way.
And now that times had gotten tough (in recent years, the price of livestock had been continuously dropping, and the hay harvests had gone from bad to worse), Widow Garstin no longer hired any workers; she and her son lived year after year in a very frugal manner.
That had been Anthony Garstin's life—a dull, eventless sort of business, the sluggish incrustation of monotonous years. And until Rosa Blencarn had come to keep house for her uncle, he had never thought twice on a woman's face.
That had been Anthony Garstin's life—boring and uneventful, just the slow build-up of dull years. And until Rosa Blencarn arrived to take care of her uncle, he had never paid any attention to a woman's face.
The Garstins had always been good church-goers, and Anthony, for years, had acted as churchwarden. It was one summer evening, up at the vicarage, whilst he was checking the offertory account, that he first set eyes upon her. She was fresh back from school at Leeds: she was dressed in a white dress: she looked, he thought, like a London lady.
The Garstins had always been regular churchgoers, and Anthony had served as churchwarden for years. One summer evening at the vicarage, while he was reviewing the offertory account, he noticed her for the first time. She had just returned from school in Leeds, wearing a white dress, and to him, she looked like a London lady.
She stood by the window, tall and straight and queenly, dreamily gazing out into the summer twilight, whilst he and her uncle sat over their business. When he rose to go, she glanced at him with quick curiosity; he hurried away, muttering a sheepish good night.
She stood by the window, tall and straight and regal, gazing dreamily out into the summer twilight while he and her uncle focused on their business. When he got up to leave, she looked at him with quick curiosity; he hurried off, mumbling a shy goodnight.
The next time that he saw her was in church on Sunday. He watched her shyly, with a hesitating, reverential discretion: her beauty seemed to him wonderful, distant, enigmatic. In the afternoon, young Mrs. Forsyth, from Longscale, dropped in for a cup of tea with his mother, and the two set off gossiping of Rosa Blencarn, speaking of her freely, in tones of acrimonious contempt. For a long while he sat silent, puffing at his pipe; but at last, when his mother concluded with, 'She looks t' me fair stuck-oop, full o' toonish airs an' graces,' despite himself, he burst out: 'Ye're jest wastin' yer breath wi' that cackle. I reckon Miss Blencarn's o' a different clay to us folks.' Young Mrs. Forsyth tittered immoderately, and the next week it was rumoured about the valley that 'Tony Garstin was gone luny over t' parson's niece.'
The next time he saw her was in church on Sunday. He watched her shyly, with a hesitant, respectful distance: her beauty seemed amazing, distant, and mysterious to him. In the afternoon, young Mrs. Forsyth from Longscale stopped by for a cup of tea with his mother, and they began gossiping about Rosa Blencarn, speaking about her freely, with tones of bitter contempt. For a long time, he sat quietly, smoking his pipe; but finally, when his mother finished with, 'She seems to me all stuck-up, full of silly airs and graces,' he couldn’t help but burst out: 'You're just wasting your breath with that nonsense. I think Miss Blencarn is made of different stuff than us.' Young Mrs. Forsyth laughed uncontrollably, and the following week, it was rumored around the valley that 'Tony Garstin had gone crazy over the parson's niece.'
But of all this he knew nothing—keeping to himself, as was his wont, and being, besides, very busy with the hay harvest—until one day, at dinner-time, Henry Sisson asked if he'd started his courting; Jacob Sowerby cried that Tony'd been too slow in getting to work, for that the girl had been seen spooning in Crosby Shaws with Curbison the auctioneer, and the others (there were half-a-dozen of them lounging round the hay-waggon) burst into a boisterous guffaw. Anthony flushed dully, looking hesitatingly from the one to the other; then slowly put down his beer-can, and of a sudden, seizing Jacob by the neck, swung him heavily on the grass. He fell against the waggon-wheel, and when he rose the blood was streaming from an ugly cut in his forehead. And henceforward Tony Garstin's courtship was the common jest of all the parish.
But he didn’t know anything about all that—keeping to himself, as he usually did, and also being really busy with the hay harvest—until one day, at dinner, Henry Sisson asked if he had started dating. Jacob Sowerby shouted that Tony had been too slow in getting to it because the girl had been seen getting cozy in Crosby Shaws with Curbison the auctioneer, and the others (there were about six of them hanging around the hay wagon) burst into loud laughter. Anthony turned red, looking unsure as he glanced from one to the other; then he slowly set down his beer can and suddenly grabbed Jacob by the neck and threw him hard onto the grass. He fell against the wagon wheel, and when he got up, blood was pouring from a nasty cut on his forehead. From then on, Tony Garstin's attempts at dating became a running joke throughout the entire parish.
As yet, however, he had scarcely spoken to her, though twice he had passed her in the lane that led up to the vicarage. She had given him a frank, friendly smile; but he had not found the resolution to do more than lift his hat. He and Henry Sisson stacked the hay in the yard behind the house; there was no further mention made of Rosa Blencarn; but all day long Anthony, as he knelt thatching the rick, brooded over the strange sweetness of her face, and on the fell-top, while he tramped after the ewes over the dry, crackling heather, and as he jogged along the narrow, rickety road, driving his cartload of lambs into the auction mart.
As of now, though, he had hardly talked to her, even though he had passed her twice on the lane leading up to the vicarage. She had given him a warm, friendly smile; but he hadn't mustered the courage to do more than tip his hat. He and Henry Sisson stacked hay in the yard behind the house; there was no further mention of Rosa Blencarn; but all day long, as he knelt thatching the rick, Anthony pondered the unusual charm of her face. While walking after the ewes over the dry, crackling heather on the fell-top, and as he slowly drove his cartload of lambs into the auction mart along the narrow, shaky road, those thoughts consumed him.
Thus, as the weeks slipped by, he was content with blunt, wistful ruminations upon her indistinct image. Jacob Sowerby's accusation, and several kindred innuendoes let fall by his mother, left him coolly incredulous; the girl still seemed to him altogether distant; but from the first sight of her face he had evolved a stolid, unfaltering conception of her difference from the ruck of her sex.
Thus, as the weeks went by, he was satisfied with straightforward, nostalgic thoughts about her vague image. Jacob Sowerby's accusation, along with several similar hints dropped by his mother, left him feeling calmly doubtful; the girl still felt completely remote to him; but from the moment he first saw her face, he had developed a steady, unwavering idea of how she was different from the rest of her gender.
But one evening, as he passed the vicarage on his way down from the fells, she called to him, and with a childish, confiding familiarity asked for advice concerning the feeding of the poultry. In his eagerness to answer her as best he could, he forgot his customary embarrassment, and grew, for the moment, almost voluble, and quite at his ease in her presence. Directly her flow of questions ceased, however, the returning perception of her rosy, hesitating smile, and of her large, deep eyes looking straight into his face, perturbed him strangely, and, reddening, he remembered the quarrel in the hay-field and the tale of Crosby Shaws.
But one evening, as he was walking past the vicarage on his way down from the hills, she called out to him and, with a childlike, trusting familiarity, asked for advice about feeding the chickens. In his eagerness to respond as well as he could, he forgot his usual awkwardness and, for a moment, became almost chatty and completely comfortable around her. However, as soon as her questions stopped, the sight of her rosy, uncertain smile and her large, deep eyes looking directly at him made him feel uneasy, and he blushed as he recalled the argument in the hayfield and the story of Crosby Shaws.
After this, the poultry became a link between them—a link which he regarded in all seriousness, blindly unconscious that there was aught else to bring them together, only feeling himself in awe of her, because of her schooling, her townish manners, her ladylike mode of dress. And soon, he came to take a sturdy, secret pride in her friendly familiarity towards him. Several times a week he would meet her in the lane, and they would loiter a moment together; she would admire his dogs, though he assured her earnestly that they were but sorry curs; and once, laughing at his staidness, she nick-named him 'Mr. Churchwarden'.
After this, the poultry became a connection between them—a connection he took very seriously, completely unaware that there was anything else to bring them together, only feeling a sense of awe toward her because of her education, her urban manners, and her elegant way of dressing. Soon enough, he began to feel a strong, secret pride in her casual friendliness toward him. Several times a week, he would run into her in the lane, and they would chat for a moment; she would admire his dogs, even though he insisted they were just mutts; and once, joking about his serious demeanor, she gave him the nickname 'Mr. Churchwarden.'
That the girl was not liked in the valley he suspected, curtly attributing her unpopularity to the women's senseless jealousy. Of gossip concerning her he heard no further hint; but instinctively, and partly from that rugged, natural reserve of his, shrank from mentioning her name, even incidentally, to his mother.
He suspected that the girl wasn’t well-liked in the valley, simply chalking up her lack of popularity to the women's irrational jealousy. He heard no more gossip about her; however, instinctively, and partly because of his rough, natural reserve, he avoided bringing up her name, even casually, to his mother.
Now, on Sunday evenings, he often strolled up to the vicarage, each time quitting his mother with the same awkward affectation of casualness; and, on his return, becoming vaguely conscious of how she refrained from any comment on his absence, and appeared oddly oblivious of the existence of parson Blencarn's niece.
Now, on Sunday evenings, he often walked up to the vicarage, each time leaving his mother with the same awkward attempt at casualness; and, on his way back, he became vaguely aware of how she avoided any comments about his absence and seemed strangely unaware of the presence of Parson Blencarn's niece.
She had always been a sour-tongued woman; but, as the days shortened with the approach of the long winter months, she seemed to him to grow more fretful than ever; at times it was almost as if she bore him some smouldering, sullen resentment. He was of stubborn fibre, however, toughened by long habit of a bleak, unruly climate; he revolved the matter in his mind deliberately, and when, at last, after much plodding thought, it dawned upon him that she resented his acquaintance with Rosa Blencarn, he accepted the solution with an unflinching phlegm, and merely shifted his attitude towards the girl, calculating each day the likelihood of his meeting her, and making, in her presence, persistent efforts to break down, once for all, the barrier of his own timidity. He was a man not to be clumsily driven, still less, so he prided himself, a man to be craftily led.
She had always been a harsh woman; but, as the days got shorter with the approach of winter, she seemed to become even more irritable. At times, it felt like she carried a deep, sulky resentment towards him. He was stubborn and had grown tough from living in a harsh, wild climate; he thought through the situation carefully, and when it finally hit him that she was upset about his friendship with Rosa Blencarn, he accepted it calmly and just changed how he acted around the girl. Each day, he considered the chances of running into her and made consistent efforts to overcome his own shyness whenever he was with her. He was someone not easily pushed around, and he took pride in being someone who wouldn't be slyly manipulated.
It was close upon Christmas time before the crisis came. His mother was just home from Penrith market. The spring-cart stood in the yard, the old grey horse was steaming heavily in the still, frosty air.
It was just before Christmas when the crisis hit. His mom had just returned from the Penrith market. The cart was parked in the yard, and the old gray horse was steaming in the cold, still air.
'I reckon ye've come fast. T' ould horse is over hot,' he remarked bluntly, as he went to the animal's head.
'I think you've come quickly. The old horse is really hot,' he said directly as he approached the animal's head.
She clambered down hastily, and, coming to his side, began breathlessly:
She scrambled down quickly, and, reaching his side, started speaking breathlessly:
'Ye ought t' hev coom t' market, Tony. There's bin pretty goin's on in Pe'rith today. I was helpin' Anna Forsyth t' choose six yards o' sheetin' in Dockroy, when we sees Rosa Blencarn coom oot o' t' 'Bell and Bullock' in company we' Curbison and young Joe Smethwick. Smethwick was fair reelin' drunk, and Curbison and t' girl were a-houldin' on to him, to keep him fra fallin'; and then, after a bit, he puts his arm round the girl t' stiddy hisself, and that fashion they goes off, right oop t' public street—'
You should have come to the market, Tony. There’s been quite a scene in Penrith today. I was helping Anna Forsyth pick out six yards of sheeting in Dockroy when we saw Rosa Blencarn come out of the ‘Bell and Bullock’ with Curbison and young Joe Smethwick. Smethwick was really drunk, and Curbison and the girl were holding onto him to keep him from falling; then, after a while, he puts his arm around the girl to steady himself, and that’s how they went off, right up to the main street—
He continued to unload the packages, and to carry them mechanically one by one into the house. Each time, when he reappeared, she was standing by the steaming horse, busy with her tale.
He kept unloading the packages and transporting them one by one into the house, almost on autopilot. Each time he came back, she was by the steaming horse, engrossed in her story.
'An' on t' road hame we passed t' three on' em in Curbison's trap, with Smethwick leein' in t' bottom, singin' maudlin' songs. They were passin' Dunscale village, an't' folks coom runnin' oot o' houses t' see 'em go past—'
'On the way home, we passed the three of them in Curbison's cart, with Smethwick lying in the bottom, singing sentimental songs. They were passing through Dunscale village, and the people came running out of their houses to see them go by—'
He led the cart away towards the stable, leaving her to cry the remainder after him across the yard.
He pulled the cart away toward the stable, leaving her to cry the rest of her tears after him across the yard.
Half-an-hour later he came in for his dinner. During the meal not a word passed between them, and directly he had finished he strode out of the house. About nine o'clock he returned, lit his pipe, and sat down to smoke it over the kitchen fire.
Half an hour later, he came in for dinner. During the meal, they didn’t say a word to each other, and as soon as he finished, he walked out of the house. Around nine o'clock, he came back, lit his pipe, and sat down to smoke by the kitchen fire.
'Where've ye bin, Tony?' she asked.
'Where have you been, Tony?' she asked.
'Oop t' vicarage, courtin', he retorted defiantly, with his pipe in his mouth.
'Oop to the vicarage, dating,' he replied defiantly, with his pipe in his mouth.
This was ten months ago; ever since he had been doggedly waiting. That evening he had set his mind on the girl, he intended to have her; and while his mother gibed, as she did now upon every opportunity, his patience remained grimly unflagging. She would remind him that the farm belonged to her, that he would have to wait till her death before he could bring the hussy to Hootsey: he would retort that as soon as the girl would have him, he intended taking a small holding over at Scarsdale. Then she would give way, and for a while piteously upbraid him with her old age, and with the memory of all the years she and he had spent together, and he would comfort her with a display of brusque, evasive remorse.
This was ten months ago; ever since then, he had been relentlessly waiting. That evening, he had set his sights on the girl, and he was determined to have her. Even while his mother mocked him, as she did at every opportunity, his patience remained steadfast. She would remind him that the farm belonged to her and that he would have to wait until she passed away before he could bring the girl to Hootsey. He would respond that as soon as the girl accepted him, he planned to take a small plot over at Scarsdale. Then she would relent, and for a while, she would pitifully remind him of her old age and all the years they had spent together, and he would comfort her with a show of rough, evasive remorse.
But, none the less, on the morrow, his thoughts would return to dwell on the haunting vision of the girl's face, while his own rude, credulous chivalry, kindled by the recollection of her beauty, stifled his misgivings concerning her conduct.
But still, the next day, his thoughts would come back to the haunting image of the girl's face, while his own rough, naive sense of honor, sparked by the memory of her beauty, pushed aside his doubts about her behavior.
Meanwhile she dallied with him, and amused herself with the younger men. Her old uncle fell ill in the spring, and could scarcely leave the house. She declared that she found life in the valley intolerably dull, that she hated the quiet of the place, that she longed for Leeds, and the exciting bustle of the streets; and in the evenings she wrote long letters to the girl-friends she had left behind there, describing with petulant vivacity her tribe of rustic admirers. At the harvest-time she went back on a fortnight's visit to friends; the evening before her departure she promised Anthony to give him her answer on her return. But, instead, she avoided him, pretended to have promised in jest, and took up with Luke Stock, a cattle-dealer from Wigton.
Meanwhile, she flirted with him and had fun with the younger guys. Her elderly uncle got sick in the spring and could barely leave the house. She said that life in the valley was unbearably boring, that she hated the quiet of the place, and that she missed Leeds and the excitement of the streets. In the evenings, she wrote long letters to her friends she had left behind, describing her group of country admirers with a petulant liveliness. During harvest time, she went back for a two-week visit with friends. The night before she left, she promised Anthony that she would give him her answer when she returned. But instead, she avoided him, pretended she was kidding, and started seeing Luke Stock, a cattle dealer from Wigton.
V
It was three weeks since he had fetched his flock down from the fell.
It had been three weeks since he brought his flock down from the hill.
After dinner he and his mother sat together in the parlour: they had done so every Sunday afternoon, year in and year out, as far back as he could remember.
After dinner, he and his mother sat together in the living room: they had done this every Sunday afternoon, year after year, as far back as he could remember.
A row of mahogany chairs, with shiny, horse-hair seats, were ranged round the room. A great collection of agricultural prize-tickets were pinned over the wall; and, on a heavy, highly-polished sideboard stood several silver cups. A heap of gilt-edged shavings filled the unused grate: there were gaudily-tinted roses along the mantelpiece, and, on a small table by the window, beneath a glass-case, a gilt basket filled with imitation flowers. Every object was disposed with a scrupulous precision: the carpet and the red-patterned cloth on the centre table were much faded. The room was spotlessly clean, and wore, in the chilly winter sunlight, a rigid, comfortless air.
A row of mahogany chairs with shiny horsehair seats was lined up around the room. A large collection of agricultural prize tickets was pinned to the wall, and on a heavy, polished sideboard there were several silver cups. A pile of gilded shavings filled the unused fireplace: there were brightly colored roses along the mantelpiece, and on a small table by the window, beneath a glass case, was a gilded basket filled with fake flowers. Every object was arranged with meticulous precision: the carpet and the red patterned cloth on the center table were quite faded. The room was spotless and, in the chilly winter sunlight, had a cold, uninviting atmosphere.
Neither spoke, or appeared conscious of the other's presence. Old Mrs. Garstin, wrapped in a woollen shawl, sat knitting: Anthony dozed fitfully on a stiff-backed chair.
Neither spoke nor seemed aware of the other's presence. Old Mrs. Garstin, wrapped in a woolen shawl, sat knitting: Anthony dozed restlessly in a stiff-backed chair.
Of a sudden, in the distance, a bell started tolling. Anthony rubbed his eyes drowsily, and taking from the table his Sunday hat, strolled out across the dusky fields. Presently, reaching a rude wooden seat, built beside the bridle-path, he sat down and relit his pipe. The air was very still; below him a white filmy mist hung across the valley: the fell-sides, vaguely grouped, resembled hulking masses of sombre shadow; and, as he looked back, three squares of glimmering gold revealed the lighted windows of the square-towered church.
Suddenly, in the distance, a bell started ringing. Anthony rubbed his eyes sleepily, and grabbing his Sunday hat from the table, strolled out across the darkening fields. Soon, reaching a rough wooden bench next to the bridle-path, he sat down and lit his pipe again. The air was very still; below him, a thin white mist hung over the valley: the hillsides, vaguely grouped, looked like large, dark shapes; and as he looked back, three squares of shining gold showed the lit windows of the square-towered church.
He sat smoking; pondering, with placid and reverential contemplation, on the Mighty Maker of the world—a world majestically and inevitably ordered; a world where, he argued, each object—each fissure in the fells, the winding course of each tumbling stream—possesses its mysterious purport, its inevitable signification....
He sat smoking, calmly reflecting on the Mighty Creator of the world—a world that is magnificently and necessarily structured; a world where, he believed, every object—every crack in the hills, the twisting path of each rushing stream—has its own mysterious meaning, its unavoidable significance....
At the end of the field two rams were fighting; retreating, then running together, and, leaping from the ground, butting head to head and horn to horn. Anthony watched them absently, pursuing his rude meditations.
At the end of the field, two rams were fighting; backing off, then charging at each other, jumping off the ground, and butting heads and horns. Anthony watched them absentmindedly, lost in his crude thoughts.
... And the succession of bad seasons, the slow ruination of the farmers throughout the country, were but punishment meted out for the accumulated wickedness of the world. In the olden time God rained plagues upon the land: nowadays, in His wrath, He spoiled the produce of the earth, which, with His own hands, He had fashioned and bestowed upon men.
... And the series of bad seasons, the gradual decline of farmers all over the country, were just punishment for the accumulated wickedness in the world. In the past, God sent plagues to the land; now, in His anger, He ruined the earth's harvest, which He had created and given to humanity Himself.
He rose and continued his walk along the bridle-path. A multitude of rabbits scuttled up the hill at his approach; and a great cloud of plovers, rising from the rushes, circled overhead, filling the air with a profusion of their querulous cries. All at once he heard a rattling of stones, and perceived a number of small pieces of shingle bounding in front of him down the grassy slope.
He got up and kept walking along the path. A bunch of rabbits dashed up the hill as he got closer, and a large group of plovers took off from the reeds, flying in circles above him and filling the air with their noisy calls. Suddenly, he heard a clattering of stones and noticed several small pieces of gravel bouncing ahead of him down the grassy slope.
A woman's figure was moving among the rocks above him. The next moment, by the trimming of crimson velvet on her hat, he had recognized her. He mounted the slope with springing strides, wondering the while how it was she came to be there, that she was not in church playing the organ at afternoon service.
A woman's silhouette was moving among the rocks above him. In the next moment, the crimson velvet trim on her hat made him realize who she was. He climbed the slope with energetic steps, curious about how she ended up there instead of being in church playing the organ during the afternoon service.
Before she was aware of his approach, he was beside her.
Before she realized he was coming, he was right next to her.
'I thought ye'd be in church—' he began.
'I thought you'd be in church—' he started.
She started: then, gradually regaining her composure, answered, weakly smiling:
She began to speak, then slowly regained her composure and replied with a faint smile:
'Mr. Jenkinson, the new schoolmaster, wanted to try the organ.'
'Mr. Jenkinson, the new teacher, wanted to try out the organ.'
He came towards her impulsively: she saw the odd flickers in his eyes as she stepped back in dismay.
He approached her impulsively: she noticed the strange flickers in his eyes as she stepped back in shock.
'Nay, but I will na harm ye,' he said. 'Only I reckon what 'tis a special turn o' Providence, meetin' wi' ye oop here. I reckon what ye'll hev t' give me a square answer noo. Ye canna dilly-dally everlastingly.'
'No, but I won't hurt you,' he said. 'I just think it's a special twist of fate, running into you up here. I think you need to give me a straight answer now. You can't stall forever.'
He spoke almost brutally; and she stood, white and gasping, staring at him with large, frightened eyes. The sheep-walk was but a tiny threadlike track: the slope of the shingle on either side was very steep: below them lay the valley; distant, lifeless, all blurred by the evening dusk. She looked about her helplessly for a means of escape.
He spoke quite harshly, and she stood there, pale and breathless, staring at him with wide, fearful eyes. The sheep path was just a narrow, thin trail: the gravel slope on either side was very steep: below them lay the valley; distant, lifeless, all hazy in the evening twilight. She looked around frantically for a way to escape.
'Miss Rosa,' he continued, in a husky voice, 'can ye na coom t' think on me? Think ye, I've bin waitin' nigh upon two year for ye. I've watched ye tak oop, first wi' this young fellar, and then wi' that, till soomtimes my heart's fit t' burst. Many a day, oop on t' fell-top, t' thought o' ye's nigh driven me daft, and I've left my shepherdin' jest t' set on a cairn in t' mist, picturin' an' broodin' on yer face. Many an evenin' I've started oop t' vicarage, wi' t' resolution t' speak right oot t' ye; but when it coomed t' point, a sort o' timidity seemed t' hould me back, I was that feared t' displease ye. I knaw I'm na scholar, an' mabbe ye think I'm rough-mannered. I knaw I've spoken sharply to ye once or twice lately. But it's jest because I'm that mad wi' love for ye: I jest canna help myself soomtimes—'
'Miss Rosa,' he continued, in a hoarse voice, 'can you not come to think of me? You know I've been waiting nearly two years for you. I've seen you with one young man, then with another, and sometimes it feels like my heart might burst. Many days, up on the hilltop, just the thought of you has nearly driven me crazy, and I've left my shepherding just to sit on a stone in the mist, imagining and brooding over your face. Many evenings I've set out for the vicarage, determined to speak to you openly; but when it came time, a kind of shyness seemed to hold me back because I was so afraid of upsetting you. I know I'm not a scholar, and maybe you think I'm rough around the edges. I realize I've spoken harshly to you once or twice lately. But it's just because I'm so crazy in love with you: I just can't help myself sometimes—'
He waited, peering into her face. She could see the beads of sweat above his bristling eyebrows: the damp had settled on his sandy beard: his horny fingers were twitching at the buttons of his black Sunday coat.
He waited, looking intently at her face. She noticed the beads of sweat forming above his thick eyebrows; the moisture had collected on his sandy beard; his rough fingers were fidgeting with the buttons of his black Sunday coat.
She struggled to summon a smile; but her under-lip quivered, and her large dark eyes filled slowly with tears.
She tried to smile, but her bottom lip trembled, and her big dark eyes slowly filled with tears.
And he went on:
And he continued:
'Ye've coom t' mean jest everything to me. Ef ye will na hev me, I care for nought else. I canna speak t' ye in phrases: I'm jest a plain, unscholarly man: I canna wheedle ye, wi' cunnin' after t' fashion o' toon folks. But I can love ye wi' all my might, an' watch over ye, and work for ye better than any one o' em—'
'You've come to mean just everything to me. If you won’t have me, I don’t care about anything else. I can’t talk to you in fancy phrases: I'm just a straightforward, uneducated man. I can’t charm you like those city folks. But I can love you with all my strength, watch over you, and work for you better than any of them.'
She was crying to herself, silently, while he spoke. He noticed nothing, however: the twilight hid her face from him.
She was quietly crying to herself while he talked. He didn't notice anything, though: the twilight concealed her face from him.
'There's nought against me,' he persisted. 'I'm as good a man as any one on 'em. Ay, as good a man as any one on 'em,' he repeated defiantly, raising his voice.
"There's nothing against me," he insisted. "I'm just as good a man as any of them. Yeah, just as good a man as any of them," he said defiantly, raising his voice.
'It's impossible, Mr. Garstin, it's impossible. Ye've been very kind to me—' she added, in a choking voice.
"It's impossible, Mr. Garstin, it's impossible. You've been really kind to me—" she added, in a choked voice.
'Wa dang it, I didna mean t' mak ye cry, lass,' he exclaimed, with a softening of his tone. 'There's nought for ye t' cry ower.'
"Wow, I didn't mean to make you cry, girl," he said, his tone softening. "There's nothing for you to cry about."
She sank on to the stones, passionately sobbing in hysterical and defenceless despair. Anthony stood a moment, gazing at her in clumsy perplexity: then, coming close to her, put his hand on her shoulder, and said gently:
She collapsed onto the stones, crying hard in a fit of helpless despair. Anthony paused for a moment, staring at her in awkward confusion; then, stepping closer, he placed his hand on her shoulder and said softly:
'Coom, lass, what's trouble? Ye can trust me.'
'Coom, girl, what's wrong? You can trust me.'
She shook her head faintly.
She shook her head slightly.
'Ay, but ye can though,' he asserted, firmly. 'Come, what is't?'
"Ay, but you can," he insisted, confidently. "Come on, what is it?"
Heedless of him, she continued to rock herself to and fro, crooning in her distress:
He ignored her, and she kept rocking back and forth, humming softly in her distress:
'Oh! I wish I were dead!... I wish I could die!'
'Oh! I wish I were dead!... I wish I could die!'
—'Wish ye could die?' he repeated. 'Why, whatever can't be that's troublin' ye like this? There, there, lassie, give ower: it 'ull all coom right, whatever it be—'
—'Do you wish you could die?' he repeated. 'Why, what could possibly be bothering you like this? There, there, girl, don’t worry: everything will be alright, whatever it is—'
'No, no,' she wailed. 'I wish I could die!... I wish I could die!'
'No, no,' she cried. 'I wish I could just die!... I wish I could just die!'
Lights were twinkling in the village below; and across the valley darkness was draping the hills. The girl lifted her face from her hands, and looked up at him with a scared, bewildered expression.
Lights were twinkling in the village below, and darkness was settling over the hills across the valley. The girl lifted her face from her hands and looked up at him with a scared, confused expression.
'I must go home: I must be getting home,' she muttered.
'I have to go home: I need to get home,' she muttered.
'Nay, but there's sommut mighty amiss wi' ye.'
'Nah, but there's something really wrong with you.'
'No, it's nothing... I don't know—I'm not well... I mean it's nothing... it'll pass over... you mustn't think anything of it.'
'No, it’s nothing... I don’t know—I’m just not feeling well... I mean, it’s nothing... it’ll pass... you shouldn’t worry about it.'
'Nay, but I canna stand by an see ye in sich trouble.'
'Nay, but I can't just stand by and watch you in such trouble.'
'It's nothing, Mr. Garstin, indeed it's nothing,' she repeated.
"It's nothing, Mr. Garstin, really it's nothing," she repeated.
'Ay, but I canna credit that,' he objected stubbornly.
'Ay, but I can't believe that,' he insisted stubbornly.
She sent him a shifting, hunted glance.
She gave him a quick, anxious look.
'Let me get home... you must let me get home.'
'Let me go home... you have to let me go home.'
She made a tremulous, pitiful attempt at firmness. Eyeing her keenly, he barred her path: she flushed scarlet, and looked hastily away across the valley.
She made a shaky, sad attempt to be strong. Watching her closely, he blocked her way: she turned bright red and quickly looked away across the valley.
'If ye'll tell me yer distress, mabbe I can help ye.'
'If you tell me your trouble, maybe I can help you.'
'No, no, it's nothing... it's nothing.'
'No, no, it's nothing... it's nothing.'
'If ye'll tell me yer distress, mabbe I can help ye,' he repeated, with a solemn, deliberate sternness. She shivered, and looked away again, vaguely, across the valley.
'If you tell me your troubles, maybe I can help you,' he repeated with a serious, steady intensity. She shivered and looked away again, vaguely, across the valley.
'You can do nothing: there's nought to be done,' she murmured drearily.
'You can't do anything: there's nothing to be done,' she murmured tiredly.
'There's a man in this business,' he declared.
'There's a guy in this business,' he said.
'Let me go! Let me go!' she pleaded desperately.
'Let me go! Let me go!' she begged desperately.
'Who is't that's bin puttin' ye into this distress?' His voice sounded loud and harsh.
'Who has been putting you in this distress?' His voice sounded loud and harsh.
'No one, no one. I canna tell ye, Mr. Garstin.... It's no one,' she protested weakly. The white, twisted look on his face frightened her.
'No one, no one. I can’t tell you, Mr. Garstin.... It's no one,' she protested weakly. The pale, twisted expression on his face terrified her.
'My God!' he burst out, gripping her wrist, 'an' a proper soft fool ye've made o' me. Who is't, I tell ye? Who's t' man?'
'My God!' he exclaimed, grabbing her wrist, 'and you've really made a complete fool of me. Who is it, I ask you? Who's the man?'
'Ye're hurtin' me. Let me go. I canna tell ye.'
'You're hurting me. Let me go. I can't tell you.'
'And ye're fond o' him?'
'So you like him?'
'No, no. He's a wicked, sinful man. I pray God I may never set eyes on him again. I told him so.'
'No, no. He's a bad, sinful man. I pray that I never have to see him again. I told him that.'
'But ef he's got ye into trouble, he'll hev t' marry ye,' he persisted with a brutal bitterness.
'But if he's got you into trouble, he'll have to marry you,' he insisted with a harsh bitterness.
'I will not. I hate him!' she cried fiercely.
"I won't. I can't stand him!" she shouted angrily.
'But is he willin' t' marry ye?'
'But is he willing to marry you?'
'I don't know ... I don't care ... he said so before he went away ... But I'd kill myself sooner than live with him.'
'I don't know... I don't care... he said that before he left... But I'd rather die than live with him.'
He let her hands fall and stepped back from her. She could only see his figure, like a sombre cloud, standing before her. The whole fell-side seemed still and dark and lonely. Presently she heard his voice again:
He let her hands drop and took a step back. All she could see was his silhouette, like a dark cloud, standing in front of her. The entire hillside felt quiet, dark, and lonely. Soon, she heard his voice again:
'I reckon what there's one road oot o' yer distress.'
'I think there's one way out of your distress.'
She shook her head drearily.
She shook her head sadly.
'There's none. I'm a lost woman.'
'There's none. I'm a lost woman.'
'An' ef ye took me instead?' he said eagerly.
'What if you took me instead?' he said eagerly.
'I—I don't understand—'
"I—I don't get it—"
'Ef ye married me instead of Luke Stock?'
'Ever wondered if you could have married me instead of Luke Stock?'
'But that's impossible—the—the—'
'But that’s impossible—the—the—'
'Ay, t' child. I know. But I'll tak t' child as mine.'
'Aye, the child. I know. But I'll take the child as my own.'
She remained silent. After a moment he heard her voice answer in a queer, distant tone:
She stayed quiet. After a moment, he heard her voice respond in a strange, faraway tone:
'You mean that—that ye're ready to marry me, and adopt the child?'
'You mean that—you're ready to marry me and adopt the child?'
'I do,' he answered doggedly.
"I do," he replied firmly.
'But people—your mother—?'
'But people—your mom—?'
'Folks 'ull jest know nought about it. It's none o' their business. T' child 'ull pass as mine. Ye'll accept that?'
'People will just know nothing about it. It's none of their business. The child will pass as mine. You'll accept that?'
'Yes,' she answered, in a low, rapid voice.
'Yeah,' she replied, in a quiet, quick tone.
'Ye'll consent t' hev me, ef I git ye oot o' yer trouble?'
'You'll agree to have me if I get you out of your trouble?'
'Yes,' she repeated, in the same tone.
'Yeah,' she repeated, in the same tone.
She heard him draw a long breath.
She heard him take a deep breath.
'I said 't was a turn o' Providence, meetin' wi' ye oop here,' he exclaimed, with half-suppressed exultation.
"I said it was a twist of fate, running into you up here," he exclaimed, with barely contained excitement.
Her teeth began to chatter a little: she felt that he was peering at her, curiously, through the darkness.
Her teeth started to chatter a bit: she sensed that he was looking at her, curiously, through the darkness.
'An' noo,' he continued briskly, 'ye'd best be gettin' home. Give me ye're hand, an' I'll stiddy ye ower t' stones.'
'And now,' he continued cheerfully, 'you’d better get home. Give me your hand, and I’ll help you over the stones.'
He helped her down the bank of shingle, exclaiming: 'By goom, ye're stony cauld.' Once or twice she slipped: he supported her, roughly gripping her knuckles. The stones rolled down the steps, noisily, disappearing into the night.
He helped her down the rocky bank, saying, "Wow, you're really cold." A couple of times she slipped; he caught her, tightly holding her knuckles. The stones rolled down the steps, making noise as they disappeared into the night.
Presently they struck the turf bridle-path, and, as they descended silently towards the lights of the village, he said gravely:
Presently, they hit the grassy bridle-path, and as they quietly made their way down towards the village lights, he said seriously:
'I always reckoned what my day 'ud coom.'
'I always figured out what my day would look like.'
She made no reply; and he added grimly:
She didn’t respond; and he added darkly:
'There'll be terrible work wi' mother over this.'
'There’s going to be a lot of trouble with mom over this.'
He accompanied her down the narrow lane that led past her uncle's house. When the lighted windows came in sight he halted.
He walked with her down the narrow path that went by her uncle's house. When the lighted windows appeared, he stopped.
'Good night, lassie,' he said kindly. 'Do ye give ower distressin' yeself.'
'Good night, girl,' he said gently. 'Don't worry yourself so much.'
'Good night, Mr. Garstin,' she answered, in the same low, rapid voice in which she had given him her answer up on the fell.
'Good night, Mr. Garstin,' she replied, in the same quiet, quick tone she had used when she responded to him up on the hill.
'We're man an' wife plighted now, are we not?' he blurted timidly.
'We're husband and wife now, right?' he said shyly.
She held her face to his, and he kissed her on the cheek, clumsily.
She turned her face toward him, and he awkwardly kissed her on the cheek.
VI
The next morning the frost had set in. The sky was still clear and glittering: the whitened fields sparkled in the chilly sunlight: here and there, on high, distant peaks, gleamed dainty caps of snow. All the week Anthony was to be busy at the fell-foot, wall-building against the coming of the winter storms: the work was heavy, for he was single-handed, and the stone had to be fetched from off the fell-side. Two or three times a day he led his rickety, lumbering cart along the lane that passed the vicarage gate, pausing on each journey to glance furtively up at the windows. But he saw no sign of Rosa Blencarn; and, indeed, he felt no longing to see her: he was grimly exultant over the remembrance of his wooing of her, and over the knowledge that she was his. There glowed within him a stolid pride in himself: he thought of the others who had courted her, and the means by which he had won her seemed to him a fine stroke of cleverness.
The next morning, frost had arrived. The sky was still clear and sparkling; the white fields shone in the crisp sunlight. Here and there, on high distant peaks, delicate caps of snow glimmered. All week, Anthony would be busy at the foot of the hill, building a wall against the incoming winter storms. The work was tough, as he was doing it all alone, and the stone had to be transported from the mountainside. A few times a day, he drove his rickety, clunky cart down the lane by the vicarage gate, stopping each time to glance up at the windows. But he saw no sign of Rosa Blencarn; honestly, he didn't feel any desire to see her. He felt a grim satisfaction remembering how he had pursued her and the knowledge that she was his. Inside, he felt a solid pride in himself: he thought of the others who had courted her, and the way he had won her felt like a smart victory.
And so he refrained from any mention of the matter; relishing, as he worked, all alone, the days through, the consciousness of his secret triumph, and anticipating, with inward chucklings, the discomforted cackle of his mother's female friends. He foresaw without misgiving, her bitter opposition: he felt himself strong; and his heart warmed towards the girl. And when, at intervals, the brusque realization that, after all, he was to possess her swept over him, he gripped the stones, and swung them almost fiercely into their places.
And so he decided not to mention anything about it, enjoying the sense of his secret victory as he worked alone for days. He looked forward, chuckling to himself, to the annoyed reactions of his mother's female friends. He knew without a doubt that his mother would strongly oppose him, but he felt confident and his heart warmed towards the girl. And when it hit him at times that he was actually going to have her, he gripped the stones and aggressively tossed them into place.
All around him the white, empty fields seemed slumbering breathlessly. The stillness stiffened the leafless trees. The frosty air flicked his blood: singing vigorously to himself he worked with a stubborn, unflagging resolution, methodically postponing, till the length of the wall should be completed, the announcement of his betrothal.
All around him, the white, empty fields seemed to be sleeping quietly. The stillness made the bare trees look rigid. The cold air pricked at his skin: singing to himself with energy, he worked with a determined, unwavering resolve, choosing to delay announcing his engagement until the wall was finished.
After his reticent, solitary fashion, he was very happy, reviewing his future prospects, with a plain and steady assurance, and, as the week-end approached, coming to ignore the irregularity of the whole business: almost to assume, in the exaltation of his pride, that he had won her honestly; and to discard, stolidly, all thought of Luke Stock, of his relations with her, of the coming child that was to pass for his own.
After his quiet, solitary way, he felt very happy, looking over his future plans with a clear and steady confidence. As the weekend got closer, he started to overlook the oddness of the entire situation—almost convincing himself, in his pride, that he had won her over fairly, and stubbornly pushing aside any thoughts of Luke Stock, his relationship with her, and the upcoming child that would be seen as his.
And there were moments too, when, as he sauntered homewards through the dusk at the end of his day's work, his heart grew full to overflowing of a rugged, superstitious gratitude towards God in Heaven who had granted his desires.
And there were moments, too, when, as he strolled home through the twilight after a long day’s work, his heart swelled with a deep, superstitious gratitude toward God in Heaven for granting his wishes.
About three o'clock on the Saturday afternoon he finished the length of wall. He went home, washed, shaved, put on his Sunday coat; and, avoiding the kitchen, where his mother sat knitting by the fireside, strode up to the vicarage.
About three o'clock on Saturday afternoon, he finished the length of the wall. He went home, washed up, shaved, put on his Sunday coat, and, avoiding the kitchen where his mom was sitting by the fire knitting, walked confidently up to the vicarage.
It was Rosa who opened the door to him. On recognizing him she started, and he followed her into the dining-room. He seated himself, and began, brusquely:
It was Rosa who opened the door for him. When she recognized him, she jumped, and he walked in after her to the dining room. He sat down and began, bluntly:
'I've coom, Miss Rosa, t' speak t' Mr. Blencarn.'
'I’ve come, Miss Rosa, to speak to Mr. Blencarn.'
Then added, eyeing her closely:
Then added, watching her closely:
'Ye're lookin' sick, lass.'
'You're looking sick, girl.'
Her faint smile accentuated the worn, white look on her face.
Her slight smile highlighted the tired, pale look on her face.
'I reckon ye've been frettin' yeself,' he continued gently, 'leein' awake o' nights, hev'n't yee, noo?'
'I think you've been worrying yourself,' he continued gently, 'lying awake at night, haven't you, now?'
She smiled vaguely.
She smiled faintly.
'Well, but ye see I've coom t' settle t' whole business for ye. Ye thought mabbe that I was na a man o' my word.'
'Well, you see I've come to settle the whole thing for you. You thought maybe that I wasn't a man of my word.'
'No, no, not that,' she protested, 'but—but—'
'No, no, not that,' she protested, 'but—but—'
'But what then?'
'So what now?'
'Ye must not do it, Mr. Garstin ... I must just bear my own trouble the best I can—' she broke out.
'You must not do it, Mr. Garstin ... I just have to handle my own troubles the best I can—' she exclaimed.
'D'ye fancy I'm takin' ye oot of charity? Ye little reckon the sort o' stuff my love for ye's made of. Nay, Miss Rosa, but ye canna draw back noo.'
"Do you think I'm taking you out of charity? You underestimate what my love for you is really made of. No, Miss Rosa, but you can't pull back now."
'But ye cannot do it, Mr. Garstin. Ye know your mother will na have me at Hootsey.... I could na live there with your mother.... I'd sooner bear my trouble alone, as best I can.... She's that stern is Mrs. Garstin. I couldn't look her in the face.... I can go away somewhere.... I could keep it all from uncle.'
'But you can't do it, Mr. Garstin. You know your mother won't allow me at Hootsey... I couldn't live there with your mother... I'd rather deal with my troubles on my own, as best I can... Mrs. Garstin is so strict. I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye... I can go somewhere else... I could keep it all from Uncle.'
Her colour came and went: she stood before him, looking away from him, dully, out of the window.
Her color shifted: she stood in front of him, looking off to the side, blankly, out the window.
'I intend ye t' coom t' Hootsey. I'm na lad: I reckon I can choose my own wife. Mother'll hev ye at t' farm, right enough: ye need na distress yeself on that point—'
'I want you to come to Hootsey. I'm not a kid: I think I can choose my own wife. Mom will have you at the farm, that's for sure: you don't need to worry about that—'
'Nay, Mr. Garstin, but indeed she will not, never... I know she will not... She always set herself against me, right from the first.'
'Nay, Mr. Garstin, but she definitely won’t, never... I know she won’t... She’s always been against me, right from the start.'
'Ay, but that was different. T' case is all changed noo,' he objected doggedly.
'Aye, but that was different. The situation has completely changed now,' he insisted stubbornly.
'She'll support the sight of me all the less,' the girl faltered.
'She'll support the sight of me less,' the girl faltered.
'Mother'll hev ye at Hootsey—receive ye willin' of her own free wish—of her own free wish, d'ye hear? I'll answer for that.'
'Mother will have you at Hootsey—she'll take you willingly of her own free choice—of her own free choice, do you understand? I assure you of that.'
He struck the table with his fist heavily. His tone of determination awed her: she glanced at him hurriedly, struggling with her irresolution.
He hit the table hard with his fist. His determined tone impressed her; she quickly glanced at him, wrestling with her uncertainty.
'I knaw hoo t' manage mother. An' now,' he concluded, changing his tone, 'is yer uncle about t' place?'
'I know how to manage mom. And now,' he concluded, changing his tone, 'is your uncle around here?'
'He's up the paddock, I think,' she answered.
'He's out in the field, I think,' she replied.
'Well, I'll jest step oop and hev a word wi' him.'
'Well, I'll just step up and have a word with him.'
'Ye're ... ye will na tell him.'
'You're ... you won't tell him.'
'Tut, tut, na harrowin' tales, ye need na fear, lass. I reckon ef I can tackle mother, I can accommodate myself t' parson Blencarn.'
'Tut, tut, no need to worry, girl. I figure if I can deal with mother, I can handle Parson Blencarn.'
He rose, and coming close to her, scanned her face.
He got up and walked over to her, studying her face.
'Ye must git t' roses back t' yer cheeks,' he exclaimed, with a short laugh, 'I canna be takin' a ghost t' church.'
'You need to get some color back in your cheeks,' he exclaimed with a short laugh, 'I can't take a ghost to church.'
She smiled tremulously, and he continued, laying one hand affectionately on her shoulder:
She smiled nervously, and he kept talking, placing one hand gently on her shoulder:
'Nay, but I was but jestin'. Roses or na roses, ye'll be t' bonniest bride in all Coomberland. I'll meet ye in Hullam lane, after church time, tomorrow,' he added, moving towards the door.
'No, I was just joking. Roses or no roses, you'll be the prettiest bride in all of Coomberland. I'll meet you in Hullam Lane after church tomorrow,' he added, moving toward the door.
After he had gone, she hurried to the backdoor furtively. His retreating figure was already mounting the grey upland field. Presently, beyond him, she perceived her uncle, emerging through the paddock gate. She ran across the poultry yard, and mounting a tub, stood watching the two figures as they moved towards one another along the brow, Anthony vigorously trudging, with his hands thrust deep in his pockets; her uncle, his wideawake tilted over his nose, hobbling, and leaning stiffly on his pair of sticks. They met; she saw Anthony take her uncle's arm: the two, turning together, strolled away towards the fell.
After he left, she quickly went to the back door, trying to be discreet. His fading silhouette was already climbing the grey hillside. Soon, she spotted her uncle coming through the paddock gate behind him. She dashed across the chicken yard and climbed onto a tub to watch the two figures as they approached each other along the ridge. Anthony was trudging along energetically, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, while her uncle hobbled along slowly, his wide-brimmed hat tilted over his nose, leaning heavily on his two canes. They met, and she saw Anthony take her uncle's arm; the two of them then turned and walked away towards the hillside.
She went back into the house. Anthony's dog came towards her, slinking along the passage. She caught the animal's head in her hands, and bent over it caressingly, in an impulsive outburst of almost hysterical affection.
She went back into the house. Anthony's dog came toward her, sneaking along the hallway. She lifted the dog's head in her hands and leaned over it affectionately, in a spontaneous burst of almost frantic love.
VII
The two men returned towards the vicarage. At the paddock gate they halted, and the old man concluded:
The two men walked back to the vicarage. They stopped at the paddock gate, and the old man finished:
'I could not have wished a better man for her, Anthony. Mabbe the Lord'll not be minded to spare me much longer. After I'm gone Rosa'll hev all I possess. She was my poor brother Isaac's only child. After her mother was taken, he, poor fellow, went altogether to the bad, and until she came here she mostly lived among strangers. It's been a wretched sort of childhood for her—a wretched sort of childhood. Ye'll take care of her, Anthony, will ye not? ... Nay, but I could not hev wished for a better man for her, and there's my hand on 't.'
"I couldn't have asked for a better man for her, Anthony. Maybe the Lord won't let me stick around much longer. Once I'm gone, Rosa will have everything I own. She was my poor brother Isaac's only child. After her mother passed away, he, poor guy, really fell apart, and until she came here, she mostly lived with strangers. It's been a miserable kind of childhood for her—a miserable sort of childhood. You'll take care of her, won't you, Anthony? ... No, really, I couldn't have wished for a better man for her, and here's my hand on that."
'Thank ee, Mr. Blencarn, thank ee,' Anthony answered huskily, gripping the old man's hand.
"Thank you, Mr. Blencarn, thank you," Anthony replied hoarsely, shaking the old man's hand.
And he started off down the lane homewards.
And he started down the path towards home.
His heart was full of a strange, rugged exaltation. He felt with a swelling pride that God had entrusted to him this great charge—to tend her; to make up to her, tenfold, for all that loving care, which, in her childhood, she had never known. And together with a stubborn confidence in himself, there welled up within him a great pity for her—a tender pity, that, chastening with his passion, made her seem to him, as he brooded over that lonely childhood of hers, the more distinctly beautiful, the more profoundly precious. He pictured to himself, tremulously, almost incredulously, their married life—in the winter, his return home at nightfall to find her awaiting him with a glad, trustful smile; their evenings, passed together, sitting in silent happiness over the smouldering logs; or, in summer-time, the midday rest in the hay-fields when, wearing perhaps a large-brimmed hat fastened with a red ribbon, beneath her chin, he would catch sight of her, carrying his dinner, coming across the upland.
His heart was filled with a strange, rugged excitement. He felt a swelling pride that God had entrusted him with this important responsibility—to care for her; to make up for all the love and care she had never experienced in her childhood, multiplied tenfold. Along with a stubborn confidence in himself, a deep pity for her arose within him—a tender pity that, tempered by his passion, made her past lonely childhood seem even more distinctly beautiful and profoundly precious to him. He could almost see their married life, trembling with excitement and disbelief—coming home in the winter at night to find her waiting with a joyful, trusting smile; their evenings together in quiet happiness by the glowing embers; or, in summer, sharing a noontime rest in the hayfields when he would spot her, perhaps wearing a large-brimmed hat tied with a red ribbon under her chin, carrying his lunch across the hillside.
She had not been brought up to be a farmer's wife: she was but a child still, as the old parson had said. She should not have to work as other men's wives worked: she should dress like a lady, and on Sundays, in church, wear fine bonnets, and remain, as she had always been, the belle of all the parish.
She hadn't been raised to be a farmer's wife; she was still just a child, as the old parson had said. She shouldn't have to work like other men’s wives did; she should dress like a lady and wear fancy hats to church on Sundays, remaining the belle of the entire parish, just like she always had been.
And, meanwhile, he would farm as he had never farmed before, watching his opportunities, driving cunning bargains, spending nothing on himself, hoarding every penny that she might have what she wanted.... And, as he strode through the village, he seemed to foresee a general brightening of prospects, a sobering of the fever of speculation in sheep, a cessation of the insensate glutting, year after year, of the great winter marts throughout the North, a slackening of the foreign competition followed by a steady revival of the price of fatted stocks—a period of prosperity in store for the farmer at last.... And the future years appeared to open out before him, spread like a distant, glittering plain, across which, he and she, hand in hand, were called to travel together....
And meanwhile, he would farm like never before, keeping an eye on opportunities, making clever deals, spending nothing on himself, and saving every penny so she could have what she wanted. As he walked through the village, he sensed a general improvement in prospects, a cooling off of the sheep speculation frenzy, an end to the mindless overstocking at the major winter markets across the North year after year, a reduction in foreign competition followed by a steady recovery in the prices of well-fed livestock—a time of prosperity finally ahead for farmers. The coming years seemed to unfold before him, like a distant, shining landscape, where he and she, hand in hand, were meant to journey together.
And then, suddenly, as his iron-bound boots clattered over the cobbled yard, he remembered, with brutal determination, his mother, and the stormy struggle that awaited him.
And then, suddenly, as his heavy boots clanged against the cobblestones in the yard, he remembered, with fierce determination, his mother, and the intense battle that lay ahead of him.
He waited till supper was over, till his mother had moved from the table to her place by the chimney corner. For several minutes he remained debating with himself the best method of breaking the news to her. Of a sudden he glanced up at her: her knitting had slipped on to her lap: she was sitting, bunched of a heap in her chair, nodding with sleep. By the flickering light of the wood fire, she looked worn and broken: he felt a twinge of clumsy compunction. And then he remembered the piteous, hunted look in the girl's eyes, and the old man's words when they had parted at the paddock gate, and he blurted out:
He waited until dinner was finished, until his mother had moved from the table to her spot by the fireplace. For several minutes, he stayed there, going back and forth in his mind about the best way to tell her. Suddenly, he looked up at her: her knitting had fallen onto her lap, and she was sitting all curled up in her chair, dozing off. In the flickering light of the fire, she looked tired and fragile: he felt a wave of awkward guilt. Then he remembered the sorrowful, scared look in the girl's eyes and the old man's words when they had parted at the paddock gate, and he blurted out:
'I doot but what I'll hev t' marry Rosa Blencarn after all.'
'I doubt I’ll have to marry Rosa Blencarn after all.'
She started, and blinking her eyes, said:
She jumped a little and, blinking her eyes, said:
'I was jest takin' a wink o' sleep. What was 't ye were saying, Tony?'
'I was just taking a quick nap. What were you saying, Tony?'
He hesitated a moment, puckering his forehead into coarse rugged lines, and fidgeting noisily with his tea-cup. Presently he repeated:
He paused for a moment, wrinkling his forehead with deep lines, and fidgeting noisily with his tea cup. Soon, he repeated:
'I doot but what I'll hev t' marry Rosa Blencarn after all.'
'I doubt I'll have to marry Rosa Blencarn after all.'
She rose stiffly, and stepping down from the hearth, came towards him.
She got up slowly, and stepping down from the hearth, walked toward him.
'Mabbe I did na hear ye aright, Tony.' She spoke hurriedly, and though she was quite close to him, steadying herself with one hand clutching the back of his chair, her voice sounded weak, distant almost.
"Maybe I didn't hear you right, Tony." She spoke quickly, and even though she was pretty close to him, bracing herself with one hand gripping the back of his chair, her voice sounded weak, almost far away.
'Look oop at me. Look oop into my face,' she commanded fiercely.
'Look up at me. Look up into my face,' she commanded fiercely.
He obeyed sullenly.
He obeyed reluctantly.
'Noo oot wi 't. What's yer meanin', Tony?'
'Now out with it. What's your meaning, Tony?'
'I mean what I say,' he retorted doggedly, averting his gaze.
"I mean what I say," he replied stubbornly, avoiding eye contact.
'What d'ye mean by sayin' that ye've got t' marry her?'
'What do you mean by saying that you've got to marry her?'
'I tell yer I mean what I say,' he repeated dully.
"I’m serious about what I’m saying," he repeated flatly.
'Ye mean ye've bin an' put t' girl in trouble?'
'You mean you've been and gotten the girl in trouble?'
He said nothing; but sat staring stupidly at the floor.
He said nothing and just sat there, blankly staring at the floor.
'Look oop at me, and answer,' she commanded, gripping his shoulder and shaking him.
'Look up at me and answer,' she commanded, gripping his shoulder and shaking him.
He raised his face slowly, and met her glance.
He slowly lifted his face and met her gaze.
'Ay, that's aboot it,' he answered.
'Ay, that's about it,' he answered.
'This'll na be truth. It'll be jest a piece o' wanton trickery!' she cried.
'This won't be true. It'll just be a piece of wanton trickery!' she cried.
'Nay, but't is truth,' he answered deliberately.
'No, it’s the truth,' he replied slowly.
'Ye will na swear t' it?' she persisted.
'You won't swear to it?' she pressed on.
'I see na necessity for swearin'.'
'I don't see a need for swearing.'
'Then ye canna swear t' it,' she burst out triumphantly.
'Then you can't swear to it,' she exclaimed triumphantly.
He paused an instant; then said quietly:
He paused for a moment; then said softly:
'Ay, but I'll swear t' it easy enough. Fetch t' Book.'
'Aye, but I’ll swear it’s easy enough. Get the book.'
She lifted the heavy, tattered Bible from the chimney-piece, and placed it before him on the table. He laid his lumpish fist on it.
She picked up the heavy, worn Bible from the mantel and set it down in front of him on the table. He rested his thick fist on it.
'Say,' she continued with a tense tremulousness, 'say, I swear t' ye, mother, that 't is t' truth, t' whole truth, and noat but t' truth, s'help me God.'
"Listen," she went on, her voice shaking with tension, "I swear to you, mother, that it's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God."
'I swear t' ye, mother, it's truth, t' whole truth, and nothin' but t' truth, s'help me God,' he repeated after her.
"I swear to you, mother, it's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God," he repeated after her.
'Kiss t' Book,' she ordered.
'Kiss the Book,' she ordered.
He lifted the Bible to his lips. As he replaced it on the table, he burst out into a short laugh:
He lifted the Bible to his lips. As he set it back on the table, he burst into a short laugh:
'Be ye satisfied noo?'
'Are you satisfied now?'
She went back to the chimney corner without a word. The logs on the hearth hissed and crackled. Outside, amid the blackness the wind was rising, hooting through the firs, and past the windows.
She returned to the fireplace without saying anything. The logs in the hearth hissed and crackled. Outside, in the darkness, the wind was picking up, howling through the fir trees and past the windows.
After a long while he roused himself, and drawing his pipe from his pocket almost steadily, proceeded leisurely to pare in the palm of his hand a lump of black tobacco.
After a long time, he shook himself awake, and taking his pipe from his pocket almost effortlessly, he casually started to break a chunk of black tobacco in the palm of his hand.
'We'll be asked in church Sunday,' he remarked bluntly.
'We’ll be asked at church on Sunday,' he said bluntly.
She made no answer.
She didn't respond.
He looked across at her.
He glanced over at her.
Her mouth was drawn tight at the corners: her face wore a queer, rigid aspect. She looked, he thought, like a figure of stone.
Her mouth was pulled tight at the corners, and her face had a strange, stiff look. He thought she resembled a stone statue.
'Ye're not feeling poorly, are ye, mother?' he asked.
'You're not feeling unwell, are you, mom?' he asked.
She shook her head grimly: then, hobbling out into the room, began to speak in a shrill, tuneless voice.
She shook her head sadly; then, limping into the room, began to speak in a high-pitched, off-key voice.
'Ye talked at one time o' takin' a farm over Scarsdale way. But ye'd best stop here. I'll no hinder ye. Ye can have t' large bedroom in t' front, and I'll move ower to what used to be my brother Jake's room. Ye knaw I've never had no opinion of t' girl, but I'll do what's right by her, ef I break my sperrit in t' doin' on't. I'll mak' t' girl welcome here: I'll stand by her proper-like: mebbe I'll finish by findin' soom good in her. But from this day forward, Tony, ye're na son o' mine. Ye've dishonoured yeself: ye've laid a trap for me—ay, laid a trap, that's t' word. Ye've brought shame and bitterness on yer ould mother in her ould age. Ye've made me despise t' varra sect o' ye. Ye can stop on here, but ye shall niver touch a penny of my money; every shillin' of 't shall go t' yer child, or to your child's children. Ay,' she went on, raising her voice, 'ay, ye've got yer way at last, and mebbe ye reckon ye've chosen a mighty smart way. But time 'ull coom when ye'll regret this day, when ye eat oot yer repentance in doost an' ashes. Ay, Lord 'ull punish ye, Tony, chastize ye properly. Ye'll learn that marriage begun in sin can end in nought but sin. Ay,' she concluded, as she reached the door, raising her skinny hand prophetically, 'ay, after I'm deed and gone, ye mind ye o' t' words o' t' apostle—"For them that hev sinned without t' law, shall also perish without t' law."'
'You once talked about taking a farm over in Scarsdale. But you'd better stay here. I won’t stop you. You can have the large bedroom in the front, and I’ll move to what used to be my brother Jake's room. You know I’ve never thought much of the girl, but I’ll do what’s right by her, even if it breaks my spirit to do it. I’ll welcome her here: I’ll support her properly; maybe I’ll end up finding something good in her. But from this day forward, Tony, you’re not my son anymore. You’ve dishonored yourself: you’ve set a trap for me—yes, laid a trap, that’s the word. You’ve brought shame and bitterness on your old mother in her old age. You’ve made me despise the very essence of you. You can stay here, but you will never touch a penny of my money; every shilling of it will go to your child or to your child's children. Yes,' she went on, raising her voice, 'yes, you’ve got your way at last, and maybe you think you’ve chosen a clever path. But there will come a time when you’ll regret this day, when you’ll eat your repentance in dust and ashes. Yes, the Lord will punish you, Tony, and correct you properly. You’ll learn that a marriage started in sin can end in nothing but sin. Yes,' she concluded, as she reached the door, raising her thin hand prophetically, 'yes, after I’m dead and gone, remember the words of the apostle—“For those who have sinned without the law shall also perish without the law.”'
And she slammed the door behind her.
And she shut the door hard behind her.
A LITTLE GREY GLOVE
By George Egerton (Mary Chavelita [Dunne] Bright)
(Keynotes, London: Elkin Mathews and John Lane, Vigo Street, 1893)
(Keynotes, London: Elkin Mathews and John Lane, Vigo Street, 1893)
Early-Spring, 1893
Early Spring, 1893
The book of life begins with a man and woman in a garden and ends—with Revelations.
The story of life starts with a man and a woman in a garden and finishes—with Revelations.
OSCAR WILDE
Yes, most fellows' book of life may be said to begin at the chapter where woman comes in; mine did. She came in years ago, when I was a raw undergraduate. With the sober thought of retrospective analysis, I may say she was not all my fancy painted her; indeed now that I come to think of it there was no fancy about the vermeil of her cheeks, rather an artificial reality; she had her bower in the bar of the Golden Boar, and I was madly in love with her, seriously intent on lawful wedlock. Luckily for me she threw me over for a neighbouring pork butcher, but at the time I took it hardly, and it made me sex-shy. I was a very poor man in those days. One feels one's griefs more keenly then, one hasn't the wherewithal to buy distraction. Besides, ladies snubbed me rather, on the rare occasions I met them. Later I fell in for a legacy, the forerunner of several; indeed, I may say I am beastly rich. My tastes are simple too, and I haven't any poor relations. I believe they are of great assistance in getting rid of superfluous capital, wish I had some! It was after the legacy that women discovered my attractions. They found that there was something superb in my plainness (before, they said ugliness), something after the style of the late Victor Emanuel, something infinitely more striking than mere ordinary beauty. At least so Harding told me his sister said, and she had the reputation of being a clever girl. Being an only child, I never had the opportunity other fellows had of studying the undress side of women through familiar intercourse, say with sisters. Their most ordinary belongings were sacred to me. I had, I used to be told, ridiculous high-flown notions about them (by the way I modified those considerably on closer acquaintance). I ought to study them, nothing like a woman for developing a fellow. So I laid in a stock of books in different languages, mostly novels, in which women played title roles, in order to get up some definite data before venturing amongst them. I can't say I derived much benefit from this course. There seemed to be as great a diversity of opinion about the female species as, let us say, about the salmonidae.
Yes, most guys' stories probably start at the chapter where a woman enters; mine did. She came into my life years ago when I was a clueless college student. Looking back, I can say she wasn’t exactly what I had imagined; in fact, when I think about it, the rosy glow of her cheeks was more of a manufactured reality. She spent her time at the bar of the Golden Boar, and I was head over heels for her, seriously focused on marriage. Fortunately for me, she dumped me for a nearby butcher, but at the time, it hit me hard, and it made me wary of women. Back then, I was really broke. You feel your pain more intensely during those times; you can't afford distractions. Plus, women mostly dismissed me on the rare occasions I encountered them. Later, I unexpectedly received an inheritance, which was just the first of a few; in fact, I can say I’m quite wealthy now. My tastes are simple, and I don’t have any needy relatives. I hear they’re quite helpful in disposing of excess wealth; too bad I don’t have any! After the inheritance, women started to notice me. They perceived something appealing in my plainness (which they had previously called ugliness), something reminiscent of the late Victor Emanuel, something far more striking than ordinary beauty. At least, that’s what Harding told me his sister said, and she was reputed to be smart. Being an only child, I never had the chance that other guys had to understand women more intimately, like through having sisters. Their most basic belongings felt sacred to me. I was told I had some ridiculous lofty ideas about them (although I adjusted those quite a bit after getting to know them better). I should study them; nothing develops a guy like a woman. So, I stocked up on books in various languages, mostly novels where women were the main characters, to gather some solid information before diving into their world. I can't say I gained much from this approach. It seemed there was as much disagreement about women as, let’s say, about salmon.
My friend Ponsonby Smith, who is one of the oldest fly-fishers in the three kingdoms, said to me once: Take my word for it, there are only four true salmo; the salar, the trutta, the fario, the ferox; all the rest are just varieties, subgenuses of the above; stick to that. Some writing fellow divided all the women into good-uns and bad-uns. But as a conscientious stickler for truth, I must say that both in trout as in women, I have found myself faced with most puzzling varieties, that were a tantalizing blending of several qualities. I then resolved to study them on my own account. I pursued the Eternal Feminine in a spirit of purely scientific investigation. I knew you'd laugh sceptically at that, but it's a fact. I was impartial in my selection of subjects for observation—French, German, Spanish, as well as the home product. Nothing in petticoats escaped me. I devoted myself to the freshest ingenue as well as the experienced widow of three departed; and I may as well confess that the more I saw of her, the less I understood her. But I think they understood me. They refused to take me au sérieux. When they weren't fleecing me, they were interested in the state of my soul (I preferred the former), but all humbugged me equally, so I gave them up. I took to rod and gun instead, pro salute animae; it's decidedly safer. I have scoured every country in the globe; indeed I can say that I have shot and fished in woods and waters where no other white man, perhaps ever dropped a beast or played a fish before. There is no life like the life of a free wanderer, and no lore like the lore one gleans in the great book of nature. But one must have freed one's spirit from the taint of the town before one can even read the alphabet of its mystic meaning.
My friend Ponsonby Smith, one of the oldest fly-fishers in the three kingdoms, once told me: "Trust me, there are only four true types of salmon: the salar, the trutta, the fario, and the ferox; everything else is just variations or subtypes of those. Stick with that." Some writer categorized all women as either good or bad. However, as someone who values the truth, I have to say that just like with trout, I’ve encountered many confusing varieties among women, blending several traits that left me puzzled. So, I decided to study them on my own. I pursued the concept of the Eternal Feminine purely out of scientific curiosity. I know you’ll laugh at that, but it’s true. I was unbiased in my choice of subjects—French, German, Spanish, as well as local women. Nothing in skirts escaped my attention. I dedicated myself to the freshest ingenue and the experienced widow of three late husbands; and I must admit, the more I got to know them, the less I understood them. But I think they understood me. They wouldn’t take me seriously. When they weren’t taking advantage of me, they were focused on the state of my soul (I preferred the former), but they all did a number on me, so I gave up. I turned to fishing and hunting instead, for my own good; it’s definitely safer. I’ve traveled every country in the world; in fact, I can say I've hunted and fished in places where no other white man has ever shot a game or caught a fish before. There’s no life like that of a free wanderer, and no knowledge like what you gain from the great book of nature. But one must free their spirit from the pollution of the city before they can even begin to understand its mysterious meaning.
What has this to do with the glove? True, not much, and yet it has a connection—it accounts for me.
What does this have to do with the glove? It’s true, not a lot, but there is a connection—it explains me.
Well, for twelve years I have followed the impulses of the wandering spirit that dwells in me. I have seen the sun rise in Finland and gild the Devil's Knuckles as he sank behind the Drachensberg. I have caught the barba and the gamer yellow fish in the Vaal river, taken muskelunge and black-bass in Canada, thrown a fly over guapote and cavallo in Central American lakes, and choked the monster eels of the Mauritius with a cunningly faked-up duckling. But I have been shy as a chub at the shadow of a woman.
Well, for twelve years, I’ve followed the instincts of the wandering spirit within me. I’ve watched the sun rise in Finland and shine on the Devil's Knuckles as it set behind the Drachensberg. I’ve caught barbel and yellowfish in the Vaal River, landed musky and black bass in Canada, cast a fly for guapote and cavallo in Central American lakes, and caught monster eels in Mauritius with a cleverly disguised duckling. But I’ve been as shy as a chub in the presence of a woman.
Well, it happened last year I came back on business—another confounded legacy; end of June too, just as I was off to Finland. But Messrs. Thimble and Rigg, the highly respectable firm who look after my affairs, represented that I owed it to others, whom I kept out of their share of the legacy, to stay near town till affairs were wound up. They told me, with a view to reconcile me perhaps, of a trout stream with a decent inn near it; an unknown stream in Kent. It seems a junior member of the firm is an angler, at least he sometimes catches pike or perch in the Medway some way from the stream where the trout rise in audacious security from artificial lures. I stipulated for a clerk to come down with any papers to be signed, and started at once for Victoria. I decline to tell the name of my find, firstly because the trout are the gamest little fish that ever rose to fly and run to a good two pounds. Secondly, I have paid for all the rooms in the inn for the next year, and I want it to myself. The glove is lying on the table next me as I write. If it isn't in my breast-pocket or under my pillow, it is in some place where I can see it. It has a delicate grey body (suède, I think they call it) with a whipping of silver round the top, and a darker grey silk tag to fasten it. It is marked 5-3/4 inside, and has a delicious scent about it, to keep off moths, I suppose; naphthaline is better. It reminds me of a 'silver-sedge' tied on a ten hook. I startled the good landlady of the little inn (there is no village fortunately) when I arrived with the only porter of the tiny station laden with traps. She hesitated about a private sitting-room, but eventually we compromised matters, as I was willing to share it with the other visitor. I got into knickerbockers at once, collared a boy to get me worms and minnow for the morrow, and as I felt too lazy to unpack tackle, just sat in the shiny armchair (made comfortable by the successive sitting of former occupants) at the open window and looked out. The river, not the trout stream, winds to the right, and the trees cast trembling shadows into its clear depths. The red tiles of a farm roof show between the beeches, and break the monotony of blue sky background. A dusty waggoner is slaking his thirst with a tankard of ale. I am conscious of the strange lonely feeling that a visit to England always gives me. Away in strange lands, even in solitary places, one doesn't feel it somehow. One is filled with the hunter's lust, bent on a 'kill', but at home in the quiet country, with the smoke curling up from some fireside, the mowers busy laying the hay in swaths, the children tumbling under the trees in the orchards, and a girl singing as she spreads the clothes on the sweetbriar hedge, amidst a scene quick with home sights and sounds, a strange lack creeps in and makes itself felt in a dull, aching way. Oddly enough, too, I had a sense of uneasiness, a 'something going to happen'. I had often experienced it when out alone in a great forest, or on an unknown lake, and it always meant 'ware danger' of some kind. But why should I feel it here? Yet I did, and I couldn't shake it off. I took to examining the room. It was a commonplace one of the usual type. But there was a work-basket on the table, a dainty thing, lined with blue satin. There was a bit of lace stretched over shiny blue linen, with the needle sticking in it; such fairy work, like cobwebs seen from below, spun from a branch against a background of sky. A gold thimble, too, with initials, not the landlady's, I know. What pretty things, too, in the basket! A scissors, a capital shape for fly-making; a little file, and some floss silk and tinsel, the identical colour I want for a new fly I have in my head, one that will be a demon to kill. The northern devil I mean to call him. Some one looks in behind me, and a light step passes upstairs. I drop the basket, I don't know why. There are some reviews near it. I take up one, and am soon buried in an article on Tasmanian fauna. It is strange, but whenever I do know anything about a subject, I always find these writing fellows either entirely ignorant or damned wrong.
Well, it happened last year when I returned for work—another annoying legacy; it was the end of June, just as I was getting ready to head to Finland. But Messrs. Thimble and Rigg, the reliable firm managing my affairs, insisted that I owed it to others whom I'd kept from their share of the legacy to stay near town until everything was settled. They tried to make things better for me by mentioning a trout stream with a nice inn nearby; an unknown stream in Kent. Apparently, a junior member of the firm is into fishing, though he occasionally catches pike or perch in the Medway a bit distant from the trout where they rise confidently to artificial lures. I requested a clerk to come down with any papers for me to sign and set off immediately for Victoria. I won't reveal the name of my discovery, mainly because the trout are the feistiest little fish that ever took a fly and can weigh a good two pounds. Also, I've paid for all the rooms at the inn for the next year, and I want it all to myself. The glove is lying on the table next to me as I write. If it's not in my breast pocket or under my pillow, it's somewhere I can see it. It has a delicate gray body (I think they call it suede) with a silver trim around the top and a darker gray silk tag to fasten it. It’s marked 5-3/4 inside and has a lovely scent, probably to keep moths away; naphthalene works better. It reminds me of a 'silver sedge' tied on a size 10 hook. I surprised the kind landlady of the little inn (fortunately, there’s no village) when I arrived with the only porter from the tiny station loaded with gear. She hesitated about a private sitting room, but eventually we reached a compromise since I was willing to share it with the other guest. I quickly changed into knickerbockers, enlisted a boy to get me worms and minnows for tomorrow, and since I felt too lazy to unpack my fishing gear, I just settled into a shiny armchair (made comfortable by the many previous sitters) at the open window and looked out. The river, not the trout stream, winds to the right, with trees casting shimmering shadows into its clear depths. Between the beeches, I can see the red tiles of a farm roof breaking up the monotony of the blue sky behind. A dusty wagon driver quenches his thirst with a tankard of ale. I’m struck by the strange sense of loneliness that always hits me during a visit to England. Even in remote places far away, one doesn’t feel it in the same way. There’s a thrill of the hunt, focused on a 'kill', but back home in the peaceful countryside, with smoke curling up from some fireside, mowers busy laying down the hay, kids rolling around under the trees in the orchards, and a girl singing as she hangs clothes on the sweetbriar hedge amidst a scene alive with familiar sights and sounds, a strange emptiness creeps in and weighs on me in a dull, aching way. Oddly enough, I also felt a sense of unease, like something was about to happen. I often felt that way when alone in a vast forest or on an unfamiliar lake, and it always meant to beware of danger. But why feel that here? Yet I did, and I couldn’t shake it off. I started examining the room. It was an ordinary room of the usual kind. But there was a lovely work basket on the table, lined with blue satin. There was a piece of lace stretched over shiny blue linen, with the needle stuck in it; such delicate work, like cobwebs seen from below, spun from a branch against a backdrop of sky. There was also a gold thimble with initials that definitely weren’t the landlady’s. What pretty things there were in the basket! A pair of scissors, a perfect shape for making flies; a little file, some floss silk and tinsel, exactly the color I need for a new fly I have in mind, one that’s sure to be a killer. I intend to call him the northern devil. Someone looks in behind me, and a light step goes upstairs. I drop the basket, though I don’t know why. There are some reviews nearby. I pick one up and soon get lost in an article about Tasmanian wildlife. It’s strange, but whenever I know anything about a subject, I always find these writers either completely clueless or totally wrong.
After supper, I took a stroll to see the river. It was a silver grey evening, with just the last lemon and pink streaks of the sunset staining the sky. There had been a shower, and somehow the smell of the dust after rain mingled with the mignonette in the garden brought back vanished scenes of small-boyhood, when I caught minnows in a bottle, and dreamt of a shilling rod as happiness unattainable. I turned aside from the road in accordance with directions, and walked towards the stream. Holloa! someone before me, what a bore! The angler is hidden by an elder-bush, but I can see the fly drop delicately, artistically on the water. Fishing upstream, too! There is a bit of broken water there, and the midges dance in myriads; a silver gleam, and the line spins out, and the fly falls just in the right place. It is growing dusk, but the fellow is an adept at quick, fine casting—I wonder what fly he has on—why, he's going to try downstream now? I hurry forward, and as I near him, I swerve to the left out of the way. S-s-s-s! a sudden sting in the lobe of my ear. Hey! I cry as I find I am caught; the tail fly is fast in it. A slight, grey-clad woman holding the rod lays it carefully down and comes towards me through the gathering dusk. My first impulse is to snap the gut and take to my heels, but I am held by something less tangible but far more powerful than the grip of the Limerick hook in my ear.
After dinner, I went for a walk to see the river. It was a silvery-gray evening, with just the last hints of lemon and pink from the sunset coloring the sky. There had been a rain shower, and somehow the smell of the dust after the rain mixed with the mignonette in the garden brought back memories of my childhood, when I caught minnows in a bottle and dreamed of owning a fishing rod, which felt like an impossible dream. I turned off the road as directed and walked toward the stream. Oh no! Someone's ahead of me—what a pain! The angler is hidden behind an elder bush, but I can see the fly delicately and skillfully land on the water. Fishing upstream, too! There’s a patch of broken water over there, and the midges dance in swarms; a silver flash, and the line unfurls, with the fly landing perfectly. It's getting dark, but the guy is skilled at quick, precise casting—I wonder what fly he’s using—wait, he's going to try downstream now? I hurry forward, and as I get closer, I veer left to give him space. S-s-s-s! A sudden sting in my ear. Ouch! I exclaim as I realize I'm caught; the tail fly is snagged in it. A slight woman in gray holding the rod carefully sets it down and approaches me through the thickening dusk. My first thought is to snap the line and run, but I'm held back by something less tangible but far more powerful than the hook stuck in my ear.
'I am very sorry!' she says in a voice that matched the evening, it was so quiet and soft; 'but it was exceedingly stupid of you to come behind like that.'
"I’m really sorry!" she says in a voice that fits the evening, it was so quiet and soft; "but it was really stupid of you to sneak up like that."
'I didn't think you threw such a long line; I thought I was safe,' I stammered.
"I didn't think you cast such a long line; I thought I was safe," I stammered.
'Hold this!' she says, giving me a diminutive fly-book, out of which she has taken a scissors. I obey meekly. She snips the gut.
'Hold this!' she says, handing me a small fly box, from which she has taken a pair of scissors. I nod and take it. She cuts the line.
'Have you a sharp knife? If I strip the hook you can push it through; it is lucky it isn't in the cartilage.'
'Do you have a sharp knife? If I take off the hook, you can push it through; it's good that it isn't in the cartilage.'
I suppose I am an awful idiot, but I only handed her the knife, and she proceeded as calmly as if stripping a hook in a man's ear were an everyday occurrence. Her gown is of some soft grey stuff, and her grey leather belt is silver clasped. Her hands are soft and cool and steady, but there is a rarely disturbing thrill in their gentle touch. The thought flashed through my mind that I had just missed that, a woman's voluntary tender touch, not a paid caress, all my life.
I guess I'm a complete fool, but I just handed her the knife, and she acted as calmly as if removing a hook from a man's ear was totally normal. Her dress is made of some soft grey material, and her grey leather belt has a silver clasp. Her hands are soft, cool, and steady, but there's a strangely unsettling excitement in their gentle touch. The thought crossed my mind that I had just missed out on that—a woman's willing, tender touch, not a paid gesture—my whole life.
'Now you can push it through yourself. I hope it won't hurt much.' Taking the hook, I push it through, and a drop of blood follows it. 'Oh!' she cries, but I assure her it is nothing, and stick the hook surreptitiously in my coat sleeve. Then we both laugh, and I look at her for the first time. She has a very white forehead, with little tendrils of hair blowing round it under her grey cap, her eyes are grey. I didn't see that then, I only saw they were steady, smiling eyes that matched her mouth. Such a mouth, the most maddening mouth a man ever longed to kiss, above a too-pointed chin, soft as a child's; indeed, the whole face looks soft in the misty light.
'Now you can push it through yourself. I hope it doesn't hurt much.' Taking the hook, I push it through, and a drop of blood follows. 'Oh!' she cries out, but I reassure her it's nothing and secretly stick the hook in my coat sleeve. Then we both laugh, and I look at her for the first time. She has a very white forehead, with little strands of hair blowing around it under her grey cap, and her eyes are grey. I didn’t notice that at the time; I only saw that they were steady, smiling eyes that matched her mouth. Such a mouth, the most tempting mouth a man could ever want to kiss, above a too-pointed chin, soft as a child's; indeed, the whole face looks soft in the misty light.
'I am sorry I spoilt your sport!' I say.
"I'm sorry I ruined your fun!" I say.
'Oh, that don't matter, it's time to stop. I got two brace, one a beauty.'
'Oh, that doesn't matter, it's time to stop. I've got two of them, one of which is a beauty.'
She is winding in her line, and I look in her basket; they are beauties, one two-pounder, the rest running from a half to a pound.
She is reeling in her line, and I peek in her basket; they are beautiful, one two-pounder, the rest ranging from half a pound to a pound.
'What fly?'
'Which fly?'
'Yellow dun took that one, but your assailant was a partridge spider.' I sling her basket over my shoulder; she takes it as a matter of course, and we retrace our steps. I feel curiously happy as we walk towards the road; there is a novel delight in her nearness; the feel of woman works subtly and strangely in me; the rustle of her skirt as it brushes the black-heads in the meadow-grass, and the delicate perfume, partly violets, partly herself, that comes to me with each of her movements is a rare pleasure. I am hardly surprised when she turns into the garden of the inn, I think I knew from the first that she would.
'Yellow dun took that one, but your attacker was a partridge spider.' I sling her basket over my shoulder; she accepts it without a second thought, and we retrace our steps. I feel an oddly happy sensation as we walk towards the road; there's a new thrill in her closeness; the presence of a woman affects me in subtle and strange ways; the rustle of her skirt brushing against the black heads in the meadow grass, and the light fragrance, partly violets, partly her essence, that envelops me with each of her movements is a rare joy. I'm not really surprised when she turns into the garden of the inn; I think I knew from the start that she would.
'Better bathe that ear of yours, and put a few drops of carbolic in the water.' She takes the basket as she says it, and goes into the kitchen. I hurry over this, and go into the little sitting-room. There is a tray with a glass of milk and some oaten cakes upon the table. I am too disturbed to sit down; I stand at the window and watch the bats flitter in the gathering moonlight, and listen with quivering nerves for her step—perhaps she will send for the tray, and not come after all. What a fool I am to be disturbed by a grey-clad witch with a tantalizing mouth! That comes of loafing about doing nothing. I mentally darn the old fool who saved her money instead of spending it. Why the devil should I be bothered? I don't want it anyhow. She comes in as I fume, and I forget everything at her entrance. I push the armchair towards the table, and she sinks quietly into it, pulling the tray nearer. She has a wedding ring on, but somehow it never strikes me to wonder if she is married or a widow or who she may be. I am content to watch her break her biscuits. She has the prettiest hands, and a trick of separating her last fingers when she takes hold of anything. They remind me of white orchids I saw somewhere. She led me to talk; about Africa, I think. I liked to watch her eyes glow deeply in the shadow and then catch light as she bent forward to say something in her quick responsive way.
"Make sure to clean that ear of yours and add a few drops of carbolic to the water." She grabs the basket as she says this and heads into the kitchen. I quickly brush past this moment and step into the small sitting room. There's a tray with a glass of milk and some oat cakes on the table. I'm too anxious to sit, so I stand at the window, watching the bats flit around in the dimming moonlight, listening with tense nerves for her footsteps—maybe she'll just send for the tray and not actually come. What an idiot I am to be unsettled by a gray-cloaked witch with a tempting smile! That’s what happens when you just lounge around doing nothing. I mentally scold the old fool who saved money instead of enjoying it. Why on earth should I be bothered? I don’t even want it. Just then, she enters while I’m fuming, and I forget everything the moment she walks in. I pull the armchair closer to the table, and she quietly sinks into it, bringing the tray closer. She has a wedding ring on, but I never consider if she’s married, a widow, or who she might be. I’m simply content to watch her break the biscuits. She has the loveliest hands and a habit of separating her last fingers when she picks something up. They remind me of white orchids I saw somewhere. She gets me talking; about Africa, I think. I enjoyed watching her eyes shine in the shadow and then catch the light as she leaned in to say something with her quick, engaging way.
'Long ago when I was a girl,' she said once.
'Long ago when I was a girl,' she said once.
'Long ago?' I echo incredulously, 'surely not?'
"Long ago?" I say in disbelief, "surely not?"
'Ah, but yes, you haven't seen me in the daylight,' with a soft little laugh. 'Do you know what the gipsies say? "Never judge a woman or a ribbon by candle-light." They might have said moonlight equally well.'
'Oh, but yes, you haven't seen me in the daylight,' she said with a gentle laugh. 'Do you know what the gypsies say? "Never judge a woman or a ribbon by candlelight." They could have just as easily said moonlight.'
She rises as she speaks, and I feel an overpowering wish to have her put out her hand. But she does not, she only takes the work-basket and a book, and says good night with an inclination of her little head.
She stands up as she talks, and I feel an intense urge to have her extend her hand. But she doesn't; she just picks up the work basket and a book, and says good night with a slight nod of her head.
I go over and stand next to her chair; I don't like to sit in it, but I like to put my hand where her head leant, and fancy, if she were there, how she would look up.
I walk over and stand next to her chair; I don’t want to sit in it, but I like to place my hand where her head rested and imagine how she would look up if she were here.
I woke next morning with a curious sense of pleasurable excitement. I whistled from very lightness of heart as I dressed. When I got down I found the landlady clearing away her breakfast things. I felt disappointed and resolved to be down earlier in future. I didn't feel inclined to try the minnow. I put them in a tub in the yard and tried to read and listen for her step. I dined alone. The day dragged terribly. I did not like to ask about her, I had a notion she might not like it. I spent the evening on the river. I might have filled a good basket, but I let the beggars rest. After all, I had caught fish enough to stock all the rivers in Great Britain. There are other things than trout in the world. I sit and smoke a pipe where she caught me last night. If I half close my eyes I can see hers, and her mouth, in the smoke. That is one of the curious charms of baccy, it helps to reproduce brain pictures. After a bit, I think 'perhaps she has left'. I get quite feverish at the thought and hasten back. I must ask. I look up at the window as I pass; there is surely a gleam of white. I throw down my traps and hasten up. She is leaning with her arms on the window-ledge staring out into the gloom. I could swear I caught a suppressed sob as I entered. I cough, and she turns quickly and bows slightly. A bonnet and gloves and lace affair and a lot of papers are lying on the table. I am awfully afraid she is going. I say—
I woke up the next morning with a strange sense of excitement. I whistled from the lightness in my heart as I got dressed. When I went downstairs, I found the landlady clearing away her breakfast items. I felt let down and decided I needed to get up earlier next time. I didn't feel like using the minnow. I put them in a tub in the yard and tried to read while listening for her footsteps. I had dinner alone. The day dragged on painfully. I didn't want to ask about her; I had a feeling she might not appreciate it. I spent the evening by the river. I could have caught a lot, but I let the poor fish rest. After all, I had caught enough to stock all the rivers in Great Britain. There are more things in life than just trout. I sit and smoke a pipe where she caught me last night. If I squint a little, I can see her eyes and her mouth in the smoke. That's one of the strange perks of tobacco; it helps bring back memories. After a while, I think, 'maybe she's gone.' The thought makes me anxious, and I rush back. I need to ask. I glance up at the window as I walk by; I can definitely see a flash of white. I drop my gear and hurry upstairs. She’s leaning with her arms on the windowsill, staring out into the darkness. I could swear I heard a muffled sob when I walked in. I cough, and she quickly turns and gives a slight bow. A bonnet, gloves, some lace, and a bunch of papers are on the table. I'm really worried she might be leaving. I say—
'Please don't let me drive you away, it is so early yet. I half expected to see you on the river.'
'Please don't let me chase you away, it's still so early. I was half expecting to see you by the river.'
'Nothing so pleasant; I have been up in town (the tears have certainly got into her voice) all day; it was so hot and dusty, I am tired out.'
'Nothing is quite so nice; I've been in the city all day (the tears are definitely in her voice); it was really hot and dusty, and I'm worn out.'
The little servant brings in the lamp and a tray with a bottle of lemonade.
The young servant brings in the lamp and a tray with a bottle of lemonade.
'Mistress hasn't any lemons, 'm, will this do?'
'Mistress doesn’t have any lemons, will this work?'
'Yes,' she says wearily, she is shading her eyes with her hand; 'anything; I am fearfully thirsty.'
'Yeah,' she says tiredly, shading her eyes with her hand, 'anything; I’m really thirsty.'
'Let me concoct you a drink instead. I have lemons and ice and things. My man sent me down supplies today; I leave him in town. I am rather a dab at drinks; I learnt it from the Yankees; about the only thing I did learn from them I care to remember. Susan!' The little maid helps me to get the materials, and she watches me quietly. When I give it to her she takes it with a smile (she has been crying). That is an ample thank you. She looks quite old. Something more than tiredness called up those lines in her face.
"Let me make you a drink instead. I have lemons, ice, and stuff. My guy sent me some supplies today; I left him in town. I'm pretty good at making drinks; I picked it up from the Yankees, which is about the only thing I learned from them that I actually want to remember. Susan!" The little maid helps me gather the ingredients, and she watches me quietly. When I hand it to her, she takes it with a smile (she has been crying). That's a big thank you. She looks quite old. There's something more than just tiredness that has left those lines on her face.
Well, ten days passed, sometimes we met at breakfast, sometimes at supper, sometimes we fished together or sat in the straggling orchard and talked; she neither avoided me nor sought me. She is the most charming mixture of child and woman I ever met. She is a dual creature. Now I never met that in a man. When she is here without getting a letter in the morning or going to town, she seems like a girl. She runs about in her grey gown and little cap and laughs, and seems to throw off all thought like an irresponsible child. She is eager to fish, or pick gooseberries and eat them daintily, or sit under the trees and talk. But when she goes to town—I notice she always goes when she gets a lawyer's letter, there is no mistaking the envelope—she comes home tired and haggard-looking, an old woman of thirty-five. I wonder why. It takes her, even with her elasticity of temperament, nearly a day to get young again. I hate her to go to town; it is extraordinary how I miss her; I can't recall, when she is absent, her saying anything very wonderful, but she converses all the time. She has a gracious way of filling the place with herself, there is an entertaining quality in her very presence. We had one rainy afternoon; she tied me some flies (I shan't use any of them); I watched the lights in her hair as she moved, it is quite golden in some places, and she has a tiny mole near her left ear and another on her left wrist. On the eleventh day she got a letter but she didn't go to town, she stayed up in her room all day; twenty times I felt inclined to send her a line, but I had no excuse. I heard the landlady say as I passed the kitchen window: 'Poor dear! I'm sorry to lose her!' Lose her? I should think not. It has come to this with me that I don't care to face any future without her; and yet I know nothing about her, not even if she is a free woman. I shall find that out the next time I see her. In the evening I catch a glimpse of her gown in the orchard, and I follow her. We sit down near the river. Her left hand is lying gloveless next to me in the grass.
Well, ten days went by. Sometimes we met at breakfast, sometimes at dinner, sometimes we fished together or sat in the scattered orchard and talked; she neither avoided me nor sought me out. She is the most charming mix of child and woman I've ever met. She’s a dual being. I've never seen that in a man. When she’s here without receiving a letter in the morning or going to town, she seems like a girl. She runs around in her gray dress and little cap, laughing, and seems to shake off all thoughts like a carefree child. She's eager to fish, or pick gooseberries and eat them delicately, or sit under the trees and chat. But when she goes to town—I notice she always goes when she gets a lawyer’s letter, there’s no mistaking that envelope—she comes back tired and looking worn out, like an old woman of thirty-five. I wonder why. Even with her bouncy personality, it takes her nearly a day to feel youthful again. I hate it when she goes to town; it’s amazing how much I miss her. I can’t remember her saying anything particularly remarkable when she’s not around, but she talks constantly. She has a graceful way of filling the space with her presence; there’s something entertaining about just having her there. One rainy afternoon, she tied me some fishing flies (I won’t use any of them); I watched the light in her hair as she moved, it’s quite golden in some spots, and she has a small mole near her left ear and another on her left wrist. On the eleventh day, she got a letter but didn’t go to town; she stayed in her room all day. I felt like sending her a note twenty times, but I didn’t have any reason to. I heard the landlady say as I walked past the kitchen window, “Poor dear! I’m sorry to lose her!” Lose her? I can’t imagine that. It’s come to the point where I can’t imagine a future without her; and yet I know nothing about her, not even if she’s single. I’ll find that out the next time I see her. In the evening, I caught a glimpse of her dress in the orchard, and I followed her. We sat down near the river. Her left hand lay bare next to me in the grass.
'Do you think from what you have seen of me, that I would ask a question out of any mere impertinent curiosity?'
'Do you think, based on what you've seen of me, that I would ask a question just out of some silly curiosity?'
She starts. 'No, I do not!'
She replies, "No, I don’t!"
I take up her hand and touch the ring. 'Tell me, does this bind you to any one?'
I take her hand and touch the ring. 'Tell me, does this tie you to anyone?'
I am conscious of a buzzing in my ears and a dancing blurr of water and sky and trees, as I wait (it seems to me an hour) for her reply. I felt the same sensation once before, when I got drawn into some rapids and had an awfully narrow shave, but of that another time.
I can hear a buzzing in my ears and see a swirling blur of water, sky, and trees as I wait (it feels like an hour) for her response. I experienced the same feeling once before when I got caught in some rapids and had a really close call, but that's a story for another time.
The voice is shaking.
The voice is trembling.
'I am not legally bound to anyone, at least; but why do you ask?' she looks me square in the face as she speaks, with a touch of haughtiness I never saw in her before.
'I’m not legally bound to anyone, at least; but why do you ask?' she looks me straight in the eye as she speaks, with a hint of arrogance I’ve never seen in her before.
Perhaps the great relief I feel, the sense of joy at knowing she is free, speaks out of my face, for hers flushes and she drops her eyes, her lips tremble. I don't look at her again, but I can see her all the same. After a while she says—
Perhaps the great relief I feel, the joy of knowing she is free, shows on my face, because hers turns red and she looks down, her lips shaking. I don't look at her again, but I can still see her. After a while, she says—
'I half intended to tell you something about myself this evening, now I must. Let us go in. I shall come down to the sitting-room after your supper.' She takes a long look at the river and the inn, as if fixing the place in her memory; it strikes me with a chill that there is a goodbye in her gaze. Her eyes rest on me a moment as they come back, there is a sad look in their grey clearness. She swings her little grey gloves in her hand as we walk back. I can hear her walking up and down overhead; how tired she will be, and how slowly the time goes. I am standing at one side of the window when she enters; she stands at the other, leaning her head against the shutter with her hands clasped before her. I can hear my own heart beating, and, I fancy, hers through the stillness. The suspense is fearful. At length she says—
'I was planning to share something about myself tonight, but now I have to. Let’s go inside. I’ll join you in the sitting room after your dinner.' She gazes at the river and the inn, as if trying to remember the place; it sends a chill through me, feeling like a goodbye is in her look. Her eyes linger on me for a moment when they return, filled with a sad expression in their clear grey. She swings her little grey gloves in her hand as we walk back. I can hear her pacing overhead; she'll be so tired, and the time drags on. I’m standing on one side of the window when she comes in; she’s on the other side, resting her head against the shutter with her hands clasped in front of her. I can hear my own heartbeat, and I imagine I can hear hers in the silence. The tension is unbearable. Finally, she speaks—
'You have been a long time out of England; you don't read the papers?'
'You've been away from England for a while; don't you read the news?'
'No.' A pause. I believe my heart is beating inside my head.
'No.' A pause. I think my heart is pounding in my head.
'You asked me if I was a free woman. I don't pretend to misunderstand why you asked me. I am not a beautiful woman, I never was. But there must be something about me, there is in some women, "essential femininity" perhaps, that appeals to all men. What I read in your eyes I have seen in many men's before, but before God I never tried to rouse it. Today (with a sob), I can say I am free, yesterday morning I could not. Yesterday my husband gained his case and divorced me!' she closes her eyes and draws in her under-lip to stop its quivering. I want to take her in my arms, but I am afraid to.
'You asked me if I was a free woman. I know exactly why you asked. I'm not a beautiful woman; I never have been. But there must be something about me—maybe it’s that "essential femininity" some women have—that attracts all men. The look in your eyes is something I've seen in many men before, but I swear I never tried to provoke it. Today (with a sob), I can say I am free; yesterday morning I could not. Yesterday, my husband won his case and divorced me!' She closes her eyes and bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling. I want to hold her, but I'm too afraid to.
'I did not ask you any more than if you were free!'
'I didn't ask you anything more than if you were free!'
'No, but I am afraid you don't quite take in the meaning. I did not divorce my husband, he divorced me, he got a decree nisi; do you understand now? (she is speaking with difficulty), do you know what that implies?'
'No, but I’m afraid you don’t really understand. I didn’t divorce my husband; he divorced me. He got a decree nisi; do you get it now? (she is speaking with difficulty) Do you know what that means?'
I can't stand her face any longer. I take her hands, they are icy cold, and hold them tightly.
I can't stand her face anymore. I take her hands, they're freezing cold, and hold them tightly.
'Yes, I know what it implies, that is, I know the legal and social conclusion to be drawn from it—if that is what you mean. But I never asked you for that information. I have nothing to do with your past. You did not exist for me before the day we met on the river. I take you from that day and I ask you to marry me.'
'Yes, I get what that means. I understand the legal and social implications—if that's what you're referring to. But I never asked for that information. Your past is irrelevant to me. You didn't exist for me before the day we met by the river. I only consider you from that day onward, and I’m asking you to marry me.'
I feel her tremble and her hands get suddenly warm. She turns her head and looks at me long and searchingly, then she says—
I feel her shiver, and her hands suddenly become warm. She turns her head, looks at me for a long time, searching my face, and then she says—
'Sit down, I want to say something!'
'Sit down, I need to tell you something!'
I obey, and she comes and stands next the chair. I can't help it, I reach up my arm, but she puts it gently down.
I obey, and she comes and stands next to the chair. I can't help it, I reach up my arm, but she gently puts it down.
'No, you must listen without touching me, I shall go back to the window. I don't want to influence you a bit by any personal magnetism I possess. I want you to listen—I have told you he divorced me, the co-respondent was an old friend, a friend of my childhood, of my girlhood. He died just after the first application was made, luckily for me. He would have considered my honour before my happiness. I did not defend the case, it wasn't likely—ah, if you knew all? He proved his case; given clever counsel, willing witnesses to whom you make it worth while, and no defence, divorce is always attainable even in England. But remember: I figure as an adulteress in every English-speaking paper. If you buy last week's evening papers—do you remember the day I was in town?'—I nod—'you will see a sketch of me in that day's; someone, perhaps he, must have given it; it was from an old photograph. I bought one at Victoria as I came out; it is funny (with an hysterical laugh) to buy a caricature of one's own poor face at a news-stall. Yet in spite of that I have felt glad. The point for you is that I made no defence to the world, and (with a lifting of her head) I will make no apology, no explanation, no denial to you, now nor ever. I am very desolate and your attention came very warm to me, but I don't love you. Perhaps I could learn to (with a rush of colour), for what you have said tonight, and it is because of that I tell you to weigh what this means. Later, when your care for me will grow into habit, you may chafe at my past. It is from that I would save you.'
'No, you need to listen without touching me; I’ll go back to the window. I don’t want to influence you at all with any personal magnetism I might have. I want you to listen—I’ve told you he divorced me, and the other person involved was an old friend, someone from my childhood, from my youth. He died right after the first application was made, which was fortunate for me. He would have prioritized my honor over my happiness. I didn’t defend myself in the case; that wasn’t likely—ah, if you only knew everything? He proved his case; with skilled lawyers, willing witnesses who can be incentivized, and no defense, divorce is always possible, even in England. But remember: I’m labeled as an adulteress in every English-speaking newspaper. If you buy last week’s evening papers—do you remember the day I was in town?'—I nod—'you’ll see a sketch of me in that edition; someone, maybe he, must have provided it; it was from an old photo. I bought one at Victoria when I came out; it’s funny (with a hysterical laugh) to buy a caricature of your own unfortunate face at a newsstand. Yet despite that, I’ve felt a strange sense of relief. The important thing for you is that I made no defense to the world, and (lifting her head) I will make no apology, no explanation, no denial to you, now or ever. I’m very lonely, and your attention feels very warm to me, but I don’t love you. Maybe I could learn to (with a rush of color), because of what you’ve said tonight, and it’s for that reason I want you to consider what this really means. Later, when your care for me develops into a habit, you might find yourself resenting my past. That’s what I want to protect you from.'
I hold out my hands and she comes and puts them aside and takes me by the beard and turns up my face and scans it earnestly. She must have been deceived a good deal. I let her do as she pleases, it is the wisest way with women, and it is good to have her touch me in that way. She seems satisfied. She stands leaning against the arm of the chair and says—
I extend my hands, and she pushes them aside, grabbing my beard and lifting my face to examine it closely. She must have been misled quite a bit. I let her do what she wants; it's the smartest approach with women, and it feels nice to have her touch me like that. She looks satisfied. She leans against the arm of the chair and says—
'I must learn first to think of myself as a free woman again, it almost seems wrong today to talk like this; can you understand that feeling?'
'I need to start thinking of myself as a free woman again; it feels almost strange to say this today. Can you understand that feeling?'
I nod assent.
I nod in agreement.
'Next time I must be sure, and you must be sure,' she lays her fingers on my mouth as I am about to protest, 'S-sh! You shall have a year to think. If you repeat then what you have said today, I shall give you your answer. You must not try to find me. I have money. If I am living, I will come here to you. If I am dead, you will be told of it. In the year between I shall look upon myself as belonging to you, and render an account if you wish of every hour. You will not be influenced by me in any way, and you will be able to reason it out calmly. If you think better of it, don't come.'
'Next time I need to be sure, and you need to be sure,' she presses her fingers against my mouth as I'm about to object, 'S-sh! You'll have a year to think about it. If you still feel the same way after that year, I’ll give you your answer. You mustn't try to find me. I have money. If I'm alive, I'll come to you. If I'm dead, you'll be informed. In the year that passes, I’ll consider myself yours and will account for every hour if you want. You won’t be influenced by me in any way, and you’ll be able to think it through calmly. If you change your mind, don’t come.'
I feel there would be no use trying to move her, I simply kiss her hands and say:
I think it would be pointless to try to move her, so I just kiss her hands and say:
'As you will, dear woman, I shall be here.'
'As you wish, dear woman, I will be here.'
We don't say any more; she sits down on a footstool with her head against my knee, and I just smooth it. When the clocks strike ten through the house, she rises and I stand up. I see that she has been crying quietly, poor lonely little soul. I lift her off her feet and kiss her, and stammer out my sorrow at losing her, and she is gone. Next morning the little maid brought me an envelope from the lady, who left by the first train. It held a little grey glove; that is why I carry it always, and why I haunt the inn and never leave it for longer than a week; why I sit and dream in the old chair that has a ghost of her presence always; dream of the spring to come with the May-fly on the wing, and the young summer when midges dance, and the trout are growing fastidious; when she will come to me across the meadow grass, through the silver haze, as she did before; come with her grey eyes shining to exchange herself for her little grey glove.
We don't say anything more; she sits down on a footstool with her head against my knee, and I just gently stroke her hair. When the clocks strike ten throughout the house, she gets up and I stand too. I notice that she’s been crying quietly, poor lonely little soul. I lift her up and kiss her, stumbling over my words as I express my sadness about losing her, and then she’s gone. The next morning, the little maid brought me an envelope from her; she left on the first train. Inside was a little grey glove, which is why I always carry it with me, and why I linger at the inn and never stay away for more than a week; why I sit and dream in the old chair that still seems to carry her presence; dreaming of the spring to come with mayflies buzzing, and the young summer when midges dance, and the trout become picky; when she will come to me across the meadow grass, through the silver haze, just like before; come with her grey eyes sparkling to swap herself for her little grey glove.
THE WOMAN BEATER
By Israel Zangwill
(The Grey Wig/Stories and Novelettes, New York: The Macmillan Company, 1903)
(The Grey Wig/Stories and Novelettes, New York: The Macmillan Company, 1903)
I
She came 'to meet John Lefolle', but John Lefolle did not know he was to meet Winifred Glamorys. He did not even know he was himself the meeting-point of all the brilliant and beautiful persons, assembled in the publisher's Saturday Salon, for although a youthful minor poet, he was modest and lovable. Perhaps his Oxford tutorship was sobering. At any rate his head remained unturned by his precocious fame, and to meet these other young men and women—his reverend seniors on the slopes of Parnassus—gave him more pleasure than the receipt of 'royalties'. Not that his publisher afforded him much opportunity of contrasting the two pleasures. The profits of the Muse went to provide this room of old furniture and roses, this beautiful garden a-twinkle with Japanese lanterns, like gorgeous fire-flowers blossoming under the white crescent-moon of early June.
She came to meet John Lefolle, but he had no idea he was supposed to meet Winifred Glamorys. He didn’t even realize he was the center of attention among all the brilliant and beautiful people gathered at the publisher's Saturday Salon. Even though he was a young minor poet, he was modest and endearing. Maybe his time as a tutor at Oxford had made him more grounded. Regardless, his early fame didn’t go to his head, and meeting these other young men and women—his esteemed seniors on the slopes of Parnassus—brought him more joy than receiving royalties. Not that his publisher gave him much chance to compare the two pleasures. The earnings from his poetry went to support this room filled with old furniture and roses, and this stunning garden sparkling with Japanese lanterns, like vibrant fire-flowers blooming under the white crescent moon of early June.
Winifred Glamorys was not literary herself. She was better than a poetess, she was a poem. The publisher always threw in a few realities, and some beautiful brainless creature would generally be found the nucleus of a crowd, while Clio in spectacles languished in a corner. Winifred Glamorys, however, was reputed to have a tongue that matched her eye; paralleling with whimsies and epigrams its freakish fires and witcheries, and, assuredly, flitting in her white gown through the dark balmy garden, she seemed the very spirit of moonlight, the subtle incarnation of night and roses.
Winifred Glamorys wasn’t a writer herself. She was more than a poet; she was a poem. The publisher often added some gritty reality, and a pretty but empty-headed person usually stood at the center of attention, while Clio in glasses faded into the background. However, Winifred Glamorys was said to have a voice that matched her gaze; her playful thoughts and clever sayings reflected her fiery, enchanting nature. Indeed, as she moved through the dark, fragrant garden in her white dress, she looked like the very essence of moonlight, a delicate embodiment of night and roses.
When John Lefolle met her, Cecilia was with her, and the first conversation was triangular. Cecilia fired most of the shots; she was a bouncing, rattling beauty, chockful of confidence and high spirits, except when asked to do the one thing she could do—sing! Then she became—quite genuinely—a nervous, hesitant, pale little thing. However, the suppliant hostess bore her off, and presently her rich contralto notes passed through the garden, adding to its passion and mystery, and through the open French windows, John could see her standing against the wall near the piano, her head thrown back, her eyes half-closed, her creamy throat swelling in the very abandonment of artistic ecstasy.
When John Lefolle met her, Cecilia was there, and their first conversation had a third wheel. Cecilia dominated the discussion; she was a lively, confident beauty, full of energy and enthusiasm, except when it came to the one thing she did best—singing! Then she turned into a genuinely nervous, hesitant, pale little thing. However, the eager hostess whisked her away, and soon her rich contralto voice floated through the garden, adding to its allure and mystery. Through the open French windows, John could see her against the wall near the piano, her head tilted back, eyes half-closed, her smooth throat expanding in a moment of pure artistic bliss.
'What a charming creature!' he exclaimed involuntarily.
'What a charming creature!' he exclaimed without thinking.
'That is what everybody thinks, except her husband,' Winifred laughed.
"That's what everyone thinks, except her husband," Winifred laughed.
'Is he blind then?' asked John with his cloistral naïveté.
"Is he blind then?" John asked with his innocent curiosity.
'Blind? No, love is blind. Marriage is never blind.'
'Blind? No, love is blind. Marriage is never blind.'
The bitterness in her tone pierced John. He felt vaguely the passing of some icy current from unknown seas of experience. Cecilia's voice soared out enchantingly.
The bitterness in her voice hit John hard. He felt a strange chill from some hidden depths of experience. Cecilia's voice rose up enchantingly.
'Then, marriage must be deaf,' he said, 'or such music as that would charm it.'
'Then, marriage must be deaf,' he said, 'or that kind of music would enchant it.'
She smiled sadly. Her smile was the tricksy play of moonlight among clouds of faëry.
She smiled sadly. Her smile was like the playful dance of moonlight among fairy clouds.
'You have never been married,' she said simply.
'You've never been married,' she said straightforwardly.
'Do you mean that you, too, are neglected?' something impelled him to exclaim.
'Are you saying that you're also being ignored?' something pushed him to cry out.
'Worse,' she murmured.
"Worse," she whispered.
'It is incredible!' he cried. 'You!'
"That's awesome!" he exclaimed. "You!"
'Hush! My husband will hear you.'
'Hush! My husband will hear you.'
Her warning whisper brought him into a delicious conspiracy with her. 'Which is your husband?' he whispered back.
Her quiet warning pulled him into an exciting secret with her. 'Which one is your husband?' he whispered in response.
'There! Near the casement, standing gazing open-mouthed at Cecilia. He always opens his mouth when she sings. It is like two toys moved by the same wire.'
'There! By the window, standing with his mouth hanging open at Cecilia. He always does that when she sings. It's like two toys being controlled by the same string.'
He looked at the tall, stalwart, ruddy-haired Anglo-Saxon. 'Do you mean to say he—?'
He looked at the tall, strong, red-haired Anglo-Saxon. 'Are you saying he—?'
'I mean to say nothing.'
"I'm not saying anything."
'But you said—'
'But you said—'
'I said "worse".'
"I said 'worse.'"
'Why, what can be worse?'
'What could be worse?'
She put her hand over her face. 'I am ashamed to tell you.' How adorable was that half-divined blush!
She covered her face with her hand. 'I’m embarrassed to say.' How cute was that half-uncovered blush!
'But you must tell me everything.' He scarcely knew how he had leapt into this role of confessor. He only felt they were 'moved by the same wire'.
'But you have to tell me everything.' He barely understood how he had jumped into this role of a confidant. He just felt that they were 'connected by the same thread'.
Her head drooped on her breast. 'He—beats—me.'
Her head hung down on her chest. 'He—hits—me.'
'What!' John forgot to whisper. It was the greatest shock his recluse life had known, compact as it was of horror at the revelation, shamed confusion at her candour, and delicious pleasure in her confidence.
'What!' John forgot to whisper. It was the biggest shock his secluded life had experienced, filled with horror from the revelation, embarrassed confusion at her honesty, and a thrilling pleasure in her trust.
This fragile, exquisite creature under the rod of a brutal bully!
This delicate, stunning creature under the control of a ruthless bully!
Once he had gone to a wedding reception, and among the serious presents some grinning Philistine drew his attention to an uncouth club—'a wife-beater' he called it. The flippancy had jarred upon John terribly: this intrusive reminder of the customs of the slums. It grated like Billingsgate in a boudoir. Now that savage weapon recurred to him—for a lurid instant he saw Winifred's husband wielding it. Oh, abomination of his sex! And did he stand there, in his immaculate evening dress, posing as an English gentleman? Even so might some gentleman burglar bear through a salon his imperturbable swallow-tail.
Once he attended a wedding reception, and amid the serious gifts, some grinning dolt pointed out a crude club—“a wife-beater,” he called it. The casualness of it shocked John deeply: this unwelcome reminder of the customs of the lower class. It grated on him like harsh language in a fancy bedroom. Now that brutal weapon came back to him— for a vivid moment, he imagined Winifred's husband using it. Oh, what a disgrace to men! And did he stand there in his pristine evening suit, pretending to be an English gentleman? Just as a gentleman burglar might stroll through a fancy room in his elegant tailcoat.
Beat a woman! Beat that essence of charm and purity, God's best gift to man, redeeming him from his own grossness! Could such things be? John Lefolle would as soon have credited the French legend that English wives are sold in Smithfield. No! it could not be real that this flower-like figure was thrashed.
Beat a woman! Beat that embodiment of charm and purity, God's greatest gift to man, lifting him from his own brutality! Could such a thing be? John Lefolle would just as easily believe the French story that English wives are sold in Smithfield. No! It couldn't be true that this flower-like figure was being abused.
'Do you mean to say—?' he cried. The rapidity of her confidence alone made him feel it all of a dreamlike unreality.
"Are you saying—?" he exclaimed. The speed of her confidence made him feel like everything was just a dream.
'Hush! Cecilia's singing!' she admonished him with an unexpected smile, as her fingers fell from her face.
"Hush! Cecilia's singing!" she chided him with a surprising smile as her fingers dropped from her face.
'Oh, you have been making fun of me.' He was vastly relieved. 'He beats you—at chess—or at lawn-tennis?'
'Oh, you've been teasing me.' He felt a huge sense of relief. 'Does he beat you—at chess or at lawn tennis?'
'Does one wear a high-necked dress to conceal the traces of chess, or lawn-tennis?'
'Does one wear a high-necked dress to hide the signs of chess or lawn tennis?'
He had not noticed her dress before, save for its spiritual whiteness. Susceptible though he was to beautiful shoulders, Winifred's enchanting face had been sufficiently distracting. Now the thought of physical bruises gave him a second spasm of righteous horror. That delicate rose-leaf flesh abraded and lacerated!
He hadn't noticed her dress before, except for its pure whiteness. Although he was drawn to beautiful shoulders, Winifred's captivating face had kept him distracted. Now the idea of physical injuries gave him another wave of righteous horror. That delicate skin, bruised and cut!
'The ruffian! Does he use a stick or a fist?'
'That thug! Does he use a bat or his fists?'
'Both! But as a rule he just takes me by the arms and shakes me like a terrier a rat. I'm all black and blue now.'
'Both! But usually he just grabs me by the arms and shakes me like a terrier with a rat. I'm all bruised up now.'
'Poor butterfly!' he murmured poetically.
“Poor butterfly!” he said softly.
'Why did I tell you?' she murmured back with subtler poetry.
'Why did I tell you?' she whispered softly, with a hint of poetry.
The poet thrilled in every vein. 'Love at first sight', of which he had often read and often written, was then a reality! It could be as mutual, too, as Romeo's and Juliet's. But how awkward that Juliet should be married and her husband a Bill Sykes in broad-cloth!
The poet was excited in every way. 'Love at first sight,' which he had read and written about many times, was now a reality! It could be just as mutual as Romeo's and Juliet's. But how awkward that Juliet was married and her husband a Bill Sykes in a nice suit!
II
Mrs. Glamorys herself gave 'At Homes', every Sunday afternoon, and so, on the morrow, after a sleepless night mitigated by perpended sonnets, the love-sick young tutor presented himself by invitation at the beautiful old house in Hampstead. He was enchanted to find his heart's mistress set in an eighteenth-century frame of small-paned windows and of high oak-panelling, and at once began to image her dancing minuets and playing on virginals. Her husband was absent, but a broad band of velvet round Winifred's neck was a painful reminder of his possibilities. Winifred, however, said it was only a touch of sore throat caught in the garden. Her eyes added that there was nothing in the pathological dictionary which she would not willingly have caught for the sake of those divine, if draughty moments; but that, alas! it was more than a mere bodily ailment she had caught there.
Mrs. Glamorys hosted 'At Homes' every Sunday afternoon, so the next day, after a sleepless night made better by thoughtful sonnets, the love-struck young tutor arrived as invited at the beautiful old house in Hampstead. He was thrilled to see his heart's desire framed by the small-paned windows and high oak paneling of the eighteenth century, and he immediately imagined her dancing minuets and playing the virginals. Her husband was away, but the broad velvet band around Winifred's neck was a painful reminder of his presence. However, Winifred claimed it was just a sore throat she had caught in the garden. Her eyes hinted that there was nothing she wouldn’t have willingly caught for a chance at those divine, if chilly, moments; but sadly, it was more than just a physical ailment she had acquired there.
There were a great many visitors in the two delightfully quaint rooms, among whom he wandered disconsolate and admired, jealous of her scattered smiles, but presently he found himself seated by her side on a 'cosy corner' near the open folding-doors, with all the other guests huddled round a violinist in the inner room. How Winifred had managed it he did not know but she sat plausibly in the outer room, awaiting newcomers, and this particular niche was invisible, save to a determined eye. He took her unresisting hand—that dear, warm hand, with its begemmed artistic fingers, and held it in uneasy beatitude. How wonderful! She—the beautiful and adored hostess, of whose sweetness and charm he heard even her own guests murmur to one another—it was her actual flesh-and-blood hand that lay in his—thrillingly tangible. Oh, adventure beyond all merit, beyond all hoping!
There were a lot of visitors in the two wonderfully charming rooms, where he wandered around feeling lost and admiring, envious of her scattered smiles. But soon he found himself sitting next to her in a cozy corner by the open folding doors, while all the other guests were gathered around a violinist in the inner room. He didn’t know how Winifred had managed it, but she sat comfortably in the outer room, waiting for newcomers, and this particular spot was hidden from all but the most determined gaze. He took her willing hand—that lovely, warm hand, with its adorned artistic fingers—and held it in a mix of joy and anxiety. How wonderful! She—the beautiful and adored hostess, whose sweetness and charm even made her own guests whisper to each other—that was her real, physical hand resting in his—thrillingly real. Oh, what an adventure beyond anything deserved or hoped for!
But every now and then, the outer door facing them would open on some newcomer, and John had hastily to release her soft magnetic fingers and sit demure, and jealously overhear her effusive welcome to those innocent intruders, nor did his brow clear till she had shepherded them within the inner fold. Fortunately, the refreshments were in this section, so that once therein, few of the sheep strayed back, and the jiggling wail of the violin was succeeded by a shrill babble of tongues and the clatter of cups and spoons. 'Get me an ice, please—strawberry,' she ordered John during one of these forced intervals in manual flirtation; and when he had steered laboriously to and fro, he found a young actor beside her in his cosy corner, and his jealous fancy almost saw their hands dispart. He stood over them with a sickly smile, while Winifred ate her ice. When he returned from depositing the empty saucer, the player-fellow was gone, and in remorse for his mad suspicion he stooped and reverently lifted her fragrant finger-tips to his lips. The door behind his back opened abruptly.
But every now and then, the outer door in front of them would swing open for a newcomer, and John would have to quickly let go of her soft, magnetic fingers and sit quietly, feeling jealous as he overheard her warm welcome to those innocent guests. He didn’t relax until she had ushered them into the inner area. Luckily, the refreshments were in this section, so once they were there, few people wandered back out. The soothing sound of the violin was replaced by a loud chatter and the clinking of cups and spoons. "Get me an ice, please—strawberry," she instructed John during one of these awkward pauses in their playful interaction. After he made his way back and forth, he found a young actor sitting next to her in their comfy corner, and his jealousy almost imagined their hands separating. He stood by them with a forced smile while Winifred enjoyed her ice. When he returned after placing the empty saucer down, the actor was gone, and feeling guilty about his irrational jealousy, he leaned down and gently kissed her fragrant fingertips. The door behind him suddenly swung open.
'Goodbye,' she said, rising in a flash. The words had the calm conventional cadence, and instantly extorted from him—amid all his dazedness—the corresponding 'Goodbye'. When he turned and saw it was Mr. Glamorys who had come in, his heart leapt wildly at the nearness of his escape. As he passed this masked ruffian, he nodded perfunctorily and received a cordial smile. Yes, he was handsome and fascinating enough externally, this blonde savage.
"Goodbye," she said, standing up quickly. Her words had a calm, familiar rhythm, and without thinking, he replied with a matching "Goodbye," despite feeling dazed. When he turned and realized it was Mr. Glamorys who had entered, his heart raced at the thought of escaping. As he walked past this masked villain, he gave a quick nod and got a friendly smile in return. Yes, he was good-looking and intriguing enough on the outside, this blonde wild man.
'A man may smile and smile and be a villain,' John thought. 'I wonder how he'd feel, if he knew I knew he beats women.'
'A man can smile and smile and still be a villain,' John thought. 'I wonder how he’d feel if he knew I knew he hits women.'
Already John had generalized the charge. 'I hope Cecilia will keep him at arm's length,' he had said to Winifred, 'if only that she may not smart for it some day.'
Already John had made a broad assumption about the situation. "I hope Cecilia keeps him at a distance," he told Winifred, "just so she doesn’t end up regretting it one day."
He lingered purposely in the hall to get an impression of the brute, who had begun talking loudly to a friend with irritating bursts of laughter, speciously frank-ringing. Golf, fishing, comic operas—ah, the Boeotian! These were the men who monopolized the ethereal divinities.
He hung around in the hall to get a sense of the brute, who had started chatting loudly with a friend, punctuated by annoying bursts of laughter that sounded insincerely cheerful. Golf, fishing, comic operas—oh, the simple-minded! These were the guys who dominated the lofty ideals.
But this brusque separation from his particular divinity was disconcerting. How to see her again? He must go up to Oxford in the morning, he wrote her that night, but if she could possibly let him call during the week he would manage to run down again.
But this sudden break from his special goddess was unsettling. How could he see her again? He had to head up to Oxford in the morning, he wrote to her that night, but if she could possibly let him visit during the week, he would find a way to come back down.
'Oh, my dear, dreaming poet,' she wrote to Oxford, 'how could you possibly send me a letter to be laid on the breakfast-table beside The Times! With a poem in it, too. Fortunately my husband was in a hurry to get down to the City, and he neglected to read my correspondence. (The unchivalrous blackguard,' John commented. 'But what can be expected of a woman beater?') Never, never write to me again at the house. A letter, care of Mrs. Best, 8A Foley Street, W.C., will always find me. She is my maid's mother. And you must not come here either, my dear handsome head-in-the-clouds, except to my 'At Homes', and then only at judicious intervals. I shall be walking round the pond in Kensington Gardens at four next Wednesday, unless Mrs. Best brings me a letter to the contrary. And now thank you for your delicious poem; I do not recognize my humble self in the dainty lines, but I shall always be proud to think I inspired them. Will it be in the new volume? I have never been in print before; it will be a novel sensation. I cannot pay you song for song, only feeling for feeling. Oh, John Lefolle, why did we not meet when I had still my girlish dreams? Now, I have grown to distrust all men—to fear the brute beneath the cavalier....'
"Oh, my dear, dreamy poet," she wrote to Oxford, "how could you send me a letter to be placed on the breakfast table next to The Times! With a poem in it, too. Luckily, my husband was in a hurry to get to the City, so he didn't read my mail. (That unchivalrous jerk," John commented. "But what can you expect from a woman beater?) Never, ever write to me at the house again. A letter addressed to Mrs. Best, 8A Foley Street, W.C., will always reach me. She is my maid's mother. And you should not come here either, my dear dreamy head-in-the-clouds, except to my 'At Homes', and only at appropriate intervals. I’ll be walking around the pond in Kensington Gardens at four next Wednesday, unless Mrs. Best brings me a letter saying otherwise. And now, thank you for your lovely poem; I don't see my humble self in those lovely lines, but I'll always be proud to think I inspired them. Will it be in the new volume? I've never been published before; it will be a new experience. I can’t repay you poem for poem, only feeling for feeling. Oh, John Lefolle, why didn’t we meet when I still had my girlish dreams? Now, I’ve come to distrust all men—to fear the brute beneath the charming exterior...."
Mrs. Best did bring her a letter, but it was not to cancel the appointment, only to say he was not surprised at her horror of the male sex, but that she must beware of false generalizations. Life was still a wonderful and beautiful thing—vide poem enclosed. He was counting the minutes till Wednesday afternoon. It was surely a popular mistake that only sixty went to the hour.
Mrs. Best did bring her a letter, but it wasn't to cancel the appointment; it was just to say he understood her horror of men, but that she needed to be cautious about making sweeping generalizations. Life was still a wonderful and beautiful thing—see the poem enclosed. He was counting the minutes until Wednesday afternoon. It was definitely a common misconception that only sixty minutes made an hour.
This chronometrical reflection recurred to him even more poignantly in the hour that he circumambulated the pond in Kensington Gardens. Had she forgotten—had her husband locked her up? What could have happened? It seemed six hundred minutes, ere, at ten past five she came tripping daintily towards him. His brain had been reduced to insanely devising problems for his pupils—if a man walks two strides of one and a half feet a second round a lake fifty acres in area, in how many turns will he overtake a lady who walks half as fast and isn't there?—but the moment her pink parasol loomed on the horizon, all his long misery vanished in an ineffable peace and uplifting. He hurried, bare-headed, to clasp her little gloved hand. He had forgotten her unpunctuality, nor did she remind him of it.
This moment of reflection hit him even harder as he walked around the pond in Kensington Gardens. Had she forgotten about him—had her husband locked her away? What could have happened? It felt like six hundred minutes until, at ten past five, she gracefully approached him. His mind had been consumed with creating ridiculous problems for his students—if a man takes two strides of one and a half feet per second around a lake that covers fifty acres, how many laps will he complete before catching up with a lady who walks half as fast and isn’t even there?—but the moment her pink parasol appeared in the distance, all his long suffering disappeared, replaced by a profound sense of peace and joy. He rushed, hatless, to hold her small gloved hand. He had forgotten her lateness, and she didn’t bring it up.
'How sweet of you to come all that way,' was all she said, and it was a sufficient reward for the hours in the train and the six hundred minutes among the nursemaids and perambulators. The elms were in their glory, the birds were singing briskly, the water sparkled, the sunlit sward stretched fresh and green—it was the loveliest, coolest moment of the afternoon. John instinctively turned down a leafy avenue. Nature and Love! What more could poet ask?
"How nice of you to come all that way," was all she said, and that was enough of a reward for the hours on the train and the six hundred minutes among the nannies and strollers. The elms were at their best, the birds were singing cheerfully, the water sparkled, and the sunlit grass looked fresh and green—it was the loveliest, coolest moment of the afternoon. John instinctively turned down a tree-lined path. Nature and Love! What more could a poet ask for?
'No, we can't have tea by the Kiosk,' Mrs. Glamorys protested. 'Of course I love anything that savours of Paris, but it's become so fashionable. There will be heaps of people who know me. I suppose you've forgotten it's the height of the season. I know a quiet little place in the High Street.' She led him, unresisting but bemused, towards the gate, and into a confectioner's. Conversation languished on the way.
'No, we can't have tea by the Kiosk,' Mrs. Glamorys insisted. 'Of course I love anything that reminds me of Paris, but it's gotten so trendy. There will be a ton of people who recognize me. I guess you've forgotten it's the peak of the season. I know a nice little spot on the High Street.' She guided him, unresisting but puzzled, towards the gate and into a bakery. Conversation lagged along the way.
'Tea,' he was about to instruct the pretty attendant.
'Tea,' he was about to tell the attractive server.
'Strawberry ices,' Mrs. Glamorys remarked gently. 'And some of those nice French cakes.'
'Strawberry ice cream,' Mrs. Glamorys said softly. 'And some of those delicious French pastries.'
The ice restored his spirits, it was really delicious, and he had got so hot and tired, pacing round the pond. Decidedly Winifred was a practical person and he was a dreamer. The pastry he dared not touch—being a genius—but he was charmed at the gaiety with which Winifred crammed cake after cake into her rosebud of a mouth. What an enchanting creature! how bravely she covered up her life's tragedy!
The ice cream lifted his spirits; it was really tasty, and he had gotten so hot and tired walking around the pond. Clearly, Winifred was a practical person while he was a dreamer. He didn’t dare touch the pastry—being a genius—but he was delighted by the way Winifred cheerfully stuffed cake after cake into her small mouth. What a charming person! How bravely she hid her life’s tragedy!
The thought made him glance at her velvet band—it was broader than ever.
The thought made him look at her velvet band—it was wider than ever.
'He has beaten you again!' he murmured furiously. Her joyous eyes saddened, she hung her head, and her fingers crumbled the cake. 'What is his pretext?' he asked, his blood burning.
'He has beaten you again!' he murmured furiously. Her joyful eyes dimmed, and she hung her head, crumbling the cake with her fingers. 'What is his excuse?' he asked, his blood boiling.
'Jealousy,' she whispered.
"Jealousy," she whispered.
His blood lost its glow, ran cold. He felt the bully's blows on his own skin, his romance turning suddenly sordid. But he recovered his courage. He, too, had muscles. 'But I thought he just missed seeing me kiss your hand.'
His blood lost its brightness, went cold. He felt the bully's punches on his own skin, his romantic moment suddenly turning grim. But he found his courage again. He had muscles too. 'But I thought he just didn't see me kiss your hand.'
She opened her eyes wide. 'It wasn't you, you darling old dreamer.'
She opened her eyes wide. 'It wasn't you, you sweet old dreamer.'
He was relieved and disturbed in one.
He felt a mix of relief and disturbance.
'Somebody else?' he murmured. Somehow the vision of the player-fellow came up.
'Someone else?' he whispered. The image of the player-guy came to mind.
She nodded. 'Isn't it lucky he has himself drawn a red-herring across the track? I didn't mind his blows—you were safe!' Then, with one of her adorable transitions, 'I am dreaming of another ice,' she cried with roguish wistfulness.
She nodded. "Isn't it lucky he put up a distraction? I didn’t care about his attacks—you were safe!" Then, with one of her charming transitions, "I'm dreaming of another ice cream," she exclaimed with playful longing.
'I was afraid to confess my own greediness,' he said, laughing. He beckoned the waitress. 'Two more.'
"I was scared to admit my own greed," he said with a laugh. He waved over the waitress. "Two more."
'We haven't got any more strawberries,' was her unexpected reply. 'There's been such a run on them today.'
"We're out of strawberries," was her surprising response. "There’s been such a rush on them today."
Winifred's face grew overcast. 'Oh, nonsense!' she pouted. To John the moment seemed tragic.
Winifred's expression darkened. 'Oh, come on!' she sulked. To John, the moment felt tragic.
'Won't you have another kind?' he queried. He himself liked any kind, but he could scarcely eat a second ice without her.
"Won't you have another one?" he asked. He personally enjoyed any kind, but he could hardly eat a second ice cream without her.
Winifred meditated. 'Coffee?' she queried.
Winifred meditated. "Coffee?" she asked.
The waitress went away and returned with a face as gloomy as Winifred's. 'It's been such a hot day,' she said deprecatingly. 'There is only one ice in the place and that's Neapolitan.'
The waitress walked away and came back with a face as downcast as Winifred's. 'It's been such a hot day,' she said apologetically. 'There's only one ice cream in the place and it's Neapolitan.'
'Well, bring two Neapolitans,' John ventured.
'Well, bring two Neapolitans,' John suggested.
'I mean there is only one Neapolitan ice left.'
'I mean there's only one Neapolitan ice cream left.'
'Well, bring that. I don't really want one.'
'Well, bring that. I don't really want it.'
He watched Mrs. Glamorys daintily devouring the solitary ice, and felt a certain pathos about the parti-coloured oblong, a something of the haunting sadness of 'The Last Rose of Summer'. It would make a graceful, serio-comic triolet, he was thinking. But at the last spoonful, his beautiful companion dislocated his rhymes by her sudden upspringing.
He watched Mrs. Glamorys delicately enjoying her ice and felt a certain sadness about the colorful rectangle, something reminiscent of the haunting melancholy of 'The Last Rose of Summer.' He thought it would make a lovely, amusing poem. But just as he was about to finish, his beautiful companion abruptly stood up and disrupted his thoughts.
'Goodness gracious,' she cried, 'how late it is!'
'Oh my goodness,' she exclaimed, 'it's so late!'
'Oh, you're not leaving me yet!' he said. A world of things sprang to his brain, things that he was going to say—to arrange. They had said nothing—not a word of their love even; nothing but cakes and ices.
'Oh, you're not leaving me yet!' he said. A flood of thoughts rushed into his mind, things he wanted to say—to organize. They hadn't said anything—not a word about their love; just talked about cakes and ice cream.
'Poet!' she laughed. 'Have you forgotten I live at Hampstead?' She picked up her parasol.
'Poet!' she laughed. 'Have you forgotten I live in Hampstead?' She picked up her parasol.
'Put me into a hansom, or my husband will be raving at his lonely dinner-table.'
'Put me in a cab, or my husband will be going crazy waiting for me at his lonely dinner table.'
He was so dazed as to be surprised when the waitress blocked his departure with a bill. When Winifred was spirited away, he remembered she might, without much risk, have given him a lift to Paddington. He hailed another hansom and caught the next train to Oxford. But he was too late for his own dinner in Hall.
He was so confused that he was taken aback when the waitress stopped him from leaving with the bill. When Winifred was taken away, he realized she could have easily given him a ride to Paddington. He called for another cab and caught the next train to Oxford. But he was too late for his own dinner in the Hall.
III
He was kept very busy for the next few days, and could only exchange a passionate letter or two with her. For some time the examination fever had been raging, and in every college poor patients sat with wet towels round their heads. Some, who had neglected their tutor all the term, now strove to absorb his omniscience in a sitting.
He was really busy for the next few days and could only send her a passionate letter or two. For a while, the exam stress had been intense, and at every college, stressed-out students sat with wet towels around their heads. Some, who had ignored their tutor all term, were now trying to soak up all his knowledge in one sitting.
On the Monday, John Lefolle was good-naturedly giving a special audience to a muscular dunce, trying to explain to him the political effects of the Crusades, when there was a knock at the sitting-room door, and the scout ushered in Mrs. Glamorys. She was bewitchingly dressed in white, and stood in the open doorway, smiling—an embodiment of the summer he was neglecting. He rose, but his tongue was paralysed. The dunce became suddenly important—a symbol of the decorum he had been outraging. His soul, torn so abruptly from history to romance, could not get up the right emotion. Why this imprudence of Winifred's? She had been so careful heretofore.
On Monday, John Lefolle was cheerfully giving a special audience to a strong but clueless guy, trying to explain the political impacts of the Crusades, when there was a knock at the sitting-room door, and the scout brought in Mrs. Glamorys. She was stunningly dressed in white, standing in the open doorway with a smile—an embodiment of the summer he was ignoring. He got up, but his words failed him. The clueless guy suddenly seemed important—a representation of the decorum he had been disregarding. His mind, abruptly pulled from history to romance, couldn’t find the right feelings. Why was Winifred being so reckless? She had been so careful until now.
'What a lot of boots there are on your staircase!' she said gaily.
'Wow, there are so many boots on your staircase!' she said cheerfully.
He laughed. The spell was broken. 'Yes, the heap to be cleaned is rather obtrusive,' he said, 'but I suppose it is a sort of tradition.'
He laughed. The spell was broken. 'Yeah, the mess we have to clean up is pretty obvious,' he said, 'but I guess it's a kind of tradition.'
'I think I've got hold of the thing pretty well now, sir.' The dunce rose and smiled, and his tutor realized how little the dunce had to learn in some things. He felt quite grateful to him.
"I think I've got a good grip on it now, sir." The slow learner stood up and smiled, and his teacher understood how little the slow learner had left to learn in some areas. He felt genuinely thankful to him.
'Oh, well, you'll come and see me again after lunch, won't you, if one or two points occur to you for elucidation,' he said, feeling vaguely a liar, and generally guilty. But when, on the departure of the dunce, Winifred held out her arms, everything fell from him but the sense of the exquisite moment. Their lips met for the first time, but only for an instant. He had scarcely time to realize that this wonderful thing had happened before the mobile creature had darted to his book-shelves and was examining a Thucydides upside down.
"Oh, well, you'll come and see me again after lunch, right? If any points come to mind that you want to clarify," he said, feeling a bit like a liar and overall guilty. But when Winifred held out her arms after the fool left, everything except for the feeling of that amazing moment slipped away from him. Their lips met for the first time, but it was just for a brief moment. He barely had time to process that this incredible thing happened before she had darted over to his book shelves and was checking out a Thucydides book upside down.
'How clever to know Greek!' she exclaimed. 'And do you really talk it with the other dons?'
"How smart to know Greek!" she said. "And do you actually speak it with the other professors?"
'No, we never talk shop,' he laughed. 'But, Winifred, what made you come here?'
'No, we never discuss work,' he laughed. 'But, Winifred, what brought you here?'
'I had never seen Oxford. Isn't it beautiful?'
'I had never been to Oxford. Isn't it stunning?'
'There's nothing beautiful here,' he said, looking round his sober study.
"There's nothing beautiful here," he said, glancing around his serious study.
'No,' she admitted; 'there's nothing I care for here,' and had left another celestial kiss on his lips before he knew it. 'And now you must take me to lunch and on the river.'
'No,' she said; 'there's nothing I care about here,' and she'd given him another sweet kiss before he realized it. 'Now you have to take me to lunch and then out on the river.'
He stammered, 'I have—work.'
He stammered, 'I have—work.'
She pouted. 'But I can't stay beyond tomorrow morning, and I want so much to see all your celebrated oarsmen practising.'
She pouted. "But I can't stay past tomorrow morning, and I really want to see all your famous rowers practicing."
'You are not staying over the night?' he gasped.
'You're not staying the night?' he gasped.
'Yes, I am,' and she threw him a dazzling glance.
'Yes, I am,' she said, giving him a sparkling look.
His heart went pit-a-pat. 'Where?' he murmured.
His heart raced. "Where?" he whispered.
'Oh, some poky little hotel near the station. The swell hotels are full.'
"Oh, just some cramped little hotel near the station. The fancy hotels are all booked."
He was glad to hear she was not conspicuously quartered.
He was glad to hear she wasn't obviously staying in one place.
'So many people have come down already for Commem,' he said. 'I suppose they are anxious to see the Generals get their degrees. But hadn't we better go somewhere and lunch?'
'So many people have already come for Commencement,' he said. 'I guess they’re eager to see the Generals receive their degrees. But shouldn’t we find somewhere to grab lunch?'
They went down the stone staircase, past the battalion of boots, and across the quad. He felt that all the windows were alive with eyes, but she insisted on standing still and admiring their ivied picturesqueness. After lunch he shamefacedly borrowed the dunce's punt. The necessities of punting, which kept him far from her, and demanded much adroit labour, gradually restored his self-respect, and he was able to look the uncelebrated oarsmen they met in the eyes, except when they were accompanied by their parents and sisters, which subtly made him feel uncomfortable again. But Winifred, piquant under her pink parasol, was singularly at ease, enraptured with the changing beauty of the river, applauding with childish glee the wild flowers on the banks, or the rippling reflections in the water.
They walked down the stone staircase, past the row of boots, and across the quad. He felt like all the windows were watching them, but she insisted on stopping to admire the charming ivy-covered walls. After lunch, he awkwardly borrowed the dunce's punt. The demands of punting, which kept him away from her, and required a lot of skill, gradually restored his confidence, and he was able to meet the eyes of the unremarkable rowers they encountered, except when they were with their parents and sisters, which made him feel uncomfortable again. But Winifred, lively under her pink parasol, was completely at ease, captivated by the river's changing beauty, clapping with childish excitement at the wildflowers along the banks and the shimmering reflections in the water.
'Look, look!' she cried once, pointing skyward. He stared upwards, expecting a balloon at least. But it was only 'Keats' little rosy cloud', she explained. It was not her fault if he did not find the excursion unreservedly idyllic.
'Look, look!' she shouted, pointing up at the sky. He glanced up, expecting to see a balloon at the very least. But it was just 'Keats' little rosy cloud,' she explained. It wasn’t her fault if he didn’t find the outing completely perfect.
'How stupid,' she reflected, 'to keep all those nice boys cooped up reading dead languages in a spot made for life and love.'
'How foolish,' she thought, 'to keep all those great guys stuck reading dead languages in a place meant for living and loving.'
'I'm afraid they don't disturb the dead languages so much as you think,' he reassured her, smiling. 'And there will be plenty of love-making during Commem.'
'I'm afraid they don't bother the dead languages as much as you think,' he reassured her, smiling. 'And there will be plenty of romance during Commem.'
'I am so glad. I suppose there are lots of engagements that week.'
'I’m really glad. I guess there are a lot of events that week.'
'Oh, yes—but not one per cent come to anything.'
'Oh, yes—but not even one percent amounts to anything.'
'Really? Oh, how fickle men are!'
'Really? Oh, how unpredictable men are!'
That seemed rather question-begging, but he was so thrilled by the implicit revelation that she could not even imagine feminine inconstancy, that he forebore to draw her attention to her inadequate logic.
That seemed a bit circular, but he was so excited by the unspoken idea that she couldn't even fathom women's inconsistency that he chose not to point out her flawed reasoning.
So childish and thoughtless indeed was she that day that nothing would content her but attending a 'Viva', which he had incautiously informed her was public.
So childish and careless was she that day that nothing would satisfy her except attending a 'Viva', which he had carelessly mentioned was public.
'Nobody will notice us,' she urged with strange unconsciousness of her loveliness. 'Besides, they don't know I'm not your sister.'
'No one will notice us,' she insisted, strangely unaware of her beauty. 'Besides, they don't know I'm not your sister.'
'The Oxford intellect is sceptical,' he said, laughing. 'It cultivates philosophical doubt.'
"The Oxford intellect is skeptical," he said, laughing. "It fosters philosophical doubt."
But, putting a bold face on the matter, and assuming a fraternal air, he took her to the torture-chamber, in which candidates sat dolefully on a row of chairs against the wall, waiting their turn to come before the three grand inquisitors at the table. Fortunately, Winifred and he were the only spectators; but unfortunately they blundered in at the very moment when the poor owner of the punt was on the rack. The central inquisitor was trying to extract from him information about Becket, almost prompting him with the very words, but without penetrating through the duncical denseness. John Lefolle breathed more freely when the Crusades were broached; but, alas, it very soon became evident that the dunce had by no means 'got hold of the thing'. As the dunce passed out sadly, obviously ploughed, John Lefolle suffered more than he. So conscience-stricken was he that, when he had accompanied Winifred as far as her hotel, he refused her invitation to come in, pleading the compulsoriness of duty and dinner in Hall. But he could not get away without promising to call in during the evening.
But putting on a brave face and acting friendly, he took her to the torture chamber, where candidates sat gloomily on a row of chairs against the wall, waiting for their turn to face the three grand inquisitors at the table. Luckily, Winifred and he were the only spectators; however, they arrived just in time to see the poor owner of the punt being tortured. The central inquisitor was trying to drag information about Becket out of him, even giving him hints, but couldn’t break through his utter cluelessness. John Lefolle felt relieved when the topic turned to the Crusades, but sadly, it quickly became clear that the dunce really hadn’t grasped the situation at all. As the dunce walked out, looking defeated, John Lefolle felt even worse than he did. He felt so guilty that when he walked Winifred to her hotel, he turned down her invitation to come in, saying he had to stick to his duties and dinner in Hall. But he couldn’t leave without promising to drop by later in the evening.
The prospect of this visit was with him all through dinner, at once tempting and terrifying. Assuredly there was a skeleton at his feast, as he sat at the high table, facing the Master. The venerable portraits round the Hall seemed to rebuke his romantic waywardness. In the common-room, he sipped his port uneasily, listening as in a daze to the discussion on Free Will, which an eminent stranger had stirred up. How academic it seemed, compared with the passionate realities of life. But somehow he found himself lingering on at the academic discussion, postponing the realities of life. Every now and again, he was impelled to glance at his watch; but suddenly murmuring, 'It is very late,' he pulled himself together, and took leave of his learned brethren. But in the street the sight of a telegraph office drew his steps to it, and almost mechanically he wrote out the message: 'Regret detained. Will call early in morning.'
The thought of this visit stayed with him all through dinner, both tempting and terrifying. There was definitely an elephant in the room as he sat at the high table, facing the Master. The old portraits around the Hall seemed to criticize his romantic recklessness. In the common room, he sipped his port nervously, listening in a daze to the discussion on Free Will that an esteemed guest had sparked. It all felt so academic compared to the intense realities of life. Yet somehow, he found himself sticking around for the scholarly debate, delaying the actualities of life. Every so often, he felt the urge to check his watch; but suddenly murmuring, 'It’s really late,' he composed himself and said goodbye to his knowledgeable companions. However, once he was outside, the sight of a telegraph office pulled him in, and almost automatically he wrote out the message: 'Regret detained. Will call early in morning.'
When he did call in the morning, he was told she had gone back to London the night before on receipt of a telegram. He turned away with a bitter pang of disappointment and regret.
When he called in the morning, he was told she had gone back to London the night before after receiving a telegram. He turned away with a deep sense of disappointment and regret.
IV
Their subsequent correspondence was only the more amorous. The reason she had fled from the hotel, she explained, was that she could not endure the night in those stuffy quarters. He consoled himself with the hope of seeing much of her during the Long Vacation. He did see her once at her own reception, but this time her husband wandered about the two rooms. The cosy corner was impossible, and they could only manage to gasp out a few mutual endearments amid the buzz and movement, and to arrange a rendezvous for the end of July. When the day came, he received a heart-broken letter, stating that her husband had borne her away to Goodwood. In a postscript she informed him that 'Quicksilver was a sure thing'. Much correspondence passed without another meeting being effected, and he lent her five pounds to pay a debt of honour incurred through her husband's 'absurd confidence in Quicksilver'. A week later this horsey husband of hers brought her on to Brighton for the races there, and hither John Lefolle flew. But her husband shadowed her, and he could only lift his hat to her as they passed each other on the Lawns. Sometimes he saw her sitting pensively on a chair while her lord and thrasher perused a pink sporting-paper. Such tantalizing proximity raised their correspondence through the Hove Post Office to fever heat. Life apart, they felt, was impossible, and, removed from the sobering influences of his cap and gown, John Lefolle dreamed of throwing everything to the winds. His literary reputation had opened out a new career. The Winifred lyrics alone had brought in a tidy sum, and though he had expended that and more on despatches of flowers and trifles to her, yet he felt this extravagance would become extinguished under daily companionship, and the poems provoked by her charms would go far towards their daily maintenance. Yes, he could throw up the University. He would rescue her from this bully, this gentleman bruiser. They would live openly and nobly in the world's eye. A poet was not even expected to be conventional.
Their later letters were even more romantic. She explained that the reason she had left the hotel was that she couldn’t stand spending the night in those cramped quarters. He comforted himself with the hope of seeing a lot of her during the Long Vacation. He did see her once at her own party, but this time her husband was wandering around the two rooms. The cozy corner was out of the question, and they could only manage to whisper a few sweet nothings to each other amidst the noise and activity, and to set up a rendezvous for the end of July. When the day arrived, he received a heart-wrenching letter saying her husband had taken her away to Goodwood. In a postscript, she mentioned that 'Quicksilver was a sure thing.' Much back-and-forth followed without them meeting again, and he lent her five pounds to settle a debt she incurred because of her husband's 'absurd confidence in Quicksilver.' A week later, her horsey husband brought her to Brighton for the races, and John Lefolle rushed there. But her husband was always nearby, and all he could do was tip his hat to her as they passed by each other on the lawns. Sometimes he saw her sitting quietly in a chair while her husband read a pink racing paper. Such frustrating closeness fired up their correspondence through the Hove Post Office to a fever pitch. They felt that life apart was impossible, and away from the sobering influence of his academic robes, John Lefolle fantasized about throwing everything away. His literary success had opened a new path. The Winifred lyrics alone had made him a nice amount, and even though he had spent that and more on sending her flowers and little gifts, he believed this extravagance would fade away under daily companionship, and the poems inspired by her beauty would help with their daily expenses. Yes, he could quit the University. He would save her from this bully, this gentleman bruiser. They would live openly and proudly in front of the world. A poet wasn’t even expected to conform to the norm.
She, on her side, was no less ardent for the great step. She raged against the world's law, the injustice by which a husband's cruelty was not sufficient ground for divorce. 'But we finer souls must take the law into our own hands,' she wrote. 'We must teach society that the ethics of a barbarous age are unfitted for our century of enlightenment.' But somehow the actual time and place of the elopement could never get itself fixed. In September her husband dragged her to Scotland, in October after the pheasants. When the dramatic day was actually fixed, Winifred wrote by the next post deferring it for a week. Even the few actual preliminary meetings they planned for Kensington Gardens or Hampstead Heath rarely came off. He lived in a whirling atmosphere of express letters of excuse, and telegrams that transformed the situation from hour to hour. Not that her passion in any way abated, or her romantic resolution really altered: it was only that her conception of time and place and ways and means was dizzily mutable.
She was just as eager for the big step. She was furious about the law of the world, the unfairness that a husband's cruelty wasn't enough for a divorce. 'But we more enlightened souls have to take the law into our own hands,' she wrote. 'We need to show society that the morals of a brutal age are unfit for our enlightened century.' Yet somehow, the actual time and place for the elopement could never be fixed. In September, her husband took her to Scotland, and in October, they went after pheasants. When the dramatic day was finally set, Winifred wrote in the next mail to push it back a week. Even the few planned meetings they had for Kensington Gardens or Hampstead Heath rarely happened. He was caught up in a whirlwind of express letters of excuses and telegrams that changed the situation from hour to hour. Not that her passion ever faded or her romantic determination ever wavered; it was just that her ideas of time, place, and the ways to make it happen were constantly shifting.
But after nigh six months of palpitating negotiations with the adorable Mrs. Glamorys, the poet, in a moment of dejection, penned the prose apophthegm, 'It is of no use trying to change a changeable person.'
But after nearly six months of intense negotiations with the charming Mrs. Glamorys, the poet, feeling down for a moment, wrote the saying, 'It is pointless to try to change someone who is constantly changing.'
V
But at last she astonished him by a sketch plan of the elopement, so detailed, even to band-boxes and the Paris night route via Dieppe, that no further room for doubt was left in his intoxicated soul, and he was actually further astonished when, just as he was putting his hand-bag into the hansom, a telegram was handed to him saying: 'Gone to Homburg. Letter follows.'
But finally, she surprised him with a detailed plan for the elopement, right down to the boxes and the Paris night route via Dieppe, leaving no room for doubt in his intoxicated mind. He was even more astonished when, just as he was putting his bag into the cab, a telegram was handed to him saying: 'Gone to Homburg. Letter follows.'
He stood still for a moment on the pavement in utter distraction. What did it mean? Had she failed him again? Or was it simply that she had changed the city of refuge from Paris to Homburg? He was about to name the new station to the cabman, but then, 'letter follows'. Surely that meant that he was to wait for it. Perplexed and miserable, he stood with the telegram crumpled up in his fist. What a ridiculous situation! He had wrought himself up to the point of breaking with the world and his past, and now—it only remained to satisfy the cabman!
He stood still for a moment on the sidewalk, completely distracted. What did it mean? Had she let him down again? Or had she just changed her place of refuge from Paris to Homburg? He was about to tell the cab driver the new destination, but then he saw 'letter follows.' Surely that meant he was supposed to wait for it. Confused and upset, he stood there with the telegram crumpled in his fist. What a ridiculous situation! He had worked himself up to the point of wanting to break away from the world and his past, and now—all he had to do was settle with the cab driver!
He tossed feverishly all night, seeking to soothe himself, but really exciting himself the more by a hundred plausible explanations. He was now strung up to such a pitch of uncertainty that he was astonished for the third time when the 'letter' did duly 'follow'.
He tossed and turned all night, trying to calm himself, but really getting worked up even more with a hundred convincing explanations. He was so on edge that he was surprised for the third time when the 'letter' finally 'arrived'.
'Dearest,' it ran, 'as I explained in my telegram, my husband became suddenly ill'—('if she had only put that in the telegram,' he groaned)—'and was ordered to Homburg. Of course it was impossible to leave him in this crisis, both for practical and sentimental reasons. You yourself, darling, would not like me to have aggravated his illness by my flight just at this moment, and thus possibly have his death on my conscience.' ('Darling, you are always right,' he said, kissing the letter.) 'Let us possess our souls in patience a little longer. I need not tell you how vexatious it will be to find myself nursing him in Homburg—out of the season even—instead of the prospect to which I had looked forward with my whole heart and soul. But what can one do? How true is the French proverb, 'Nothing happens but the unexpected'! Write to me immediately Poste Restante, that I may at least console myself with your dear words.'
'Dearest,' it said, 'as I mentioned in my telegram, my husband got suddenly sick'—('if she had only included that in the telegram,' he groaned)—'and was told to go to Homburg. Of course, it was impossible to leave him during this crisis, both for practical and emotional reasons. You yourself, darling, wouldn't want me to make his illness worse by leaving at this moment, and possibly have his death weigh on my conscience.' ('Darling, you are always right,' he said, kissing the letter.) 'Let’s be patient a little longer. I don’t need to tell you how frustrating it will be to find myself taking care of him in Homburg—out of season even—instead of the future I had anticipated with all my heart and soul. But what can one do? How true is the French saying, 'Nothing happens but the unexpected'! Write to me right away Poste Restante, so I can at least find comfort in your dear words.'
The unexpected did indeed happen. Despite draughts of Elizabeth-brunnen and promenades on the Kurhaus terrace, the stalwart woman beater succumbed to his malady. The curt telegram from Winifred gave no indication of her emotions. He sent a reply-telegram of sympathy with her trouble. Although he could not pretend to grieve at this sudden providential solution of their life-problem, still he did sincerely sympathize with the distress inevitable in connection with a death, especially on foreign soil.
The unexpected actually happened. Despite drinks at Elizabeth's fountain and walks on the Kurhaus terrace, the tough woman abuser fell to his illness. The brief telegram from Winifred didn’t show any of her feelings. He sent back a telegram expressing sympathy for her troubles. Although he couldn’t pretend to be sad about this unexpected resolution to their life problem, he did genuinely sympathize with the pain that comes with a death, especially in a foreign country.
He was not able to see her till her husband's body had been brought across the North Sea and committed to the green repose of the old Hampstead churchyard. He found her pathetically altered—her face wan and spiritualized, and all in subtle harmony with the exquisite black gown. In the first interview, he did not dare speak of their love at all. They discussed the immortality of the soul, and she quoted George Herbert. But with the weeks the question of their future began to force its way back to his lips.
He could only see her after her husband's body was brought across the North Sea and laid to rest in the peaceful green of the old Hampstead churchyard. He found her heartbreakingly changed—her face pale and ethereal, perfectly complementing her elegant black dress. During their first meeting, he didn't dare to mention their love at all. They talked about the immortality of the soul, and she quoted George Herbert. But as the weeks went by, the topic of their future started to press on his mind again.
'We could not decently marry before six months,' she said, when definitely confronted with the problem.
'We can't properly get married for six months,' she said when she was clearly faced with the issue.
'Six months!' he gasped.
"Six months!" he exclaimed.
'Well, surely you don't want to outrage everybody,' she said, pouting.
"Well, you definitely don’t want to upset everyone," she said, sulking.
At first he was outraged himself. What! She who had been ready to flutter the world with a fantastic dance was now measuring her footsteps. But on reflection he saw that Mrs. Glamorys was right once more. Since Providence had been good enough to rescue them, why should they fly in its face? A little patience, and a blameless happiness lay before them. Let him not blind himself to the immense relief he really felt at being spared social obloquy. After all, a poet could be unconventional in his work—he had no need of the practical outlet demanded for the less gifted.
At first, he was completely outraged. What! The woman who was ready to captivate the world with an amazing dance was now carefully watching her steps. But after some thought, he realized that Mrs. Glamorys was right again. Since fate had been kind enough to save them, why should they go against it? With a little patience, a guilt-free happiness awaited them. He shouldn’t ignore the huge relief he actually felt at being spared from social disgrace. After all, a poet could be unconventional in his work—he didn’t need the practical outlet required for those less talented.
VI
They scarcely met at all during the next six months—it had, naturally, in this grateful reaction against their recklessness, become a sacred period, even more charged with tremulous emotion than the engagement periods of those who have not so nearly scorched themselves. Even in her presence he found a certain pleasure in combining distant adoration with the confident expectation of proximity, and thus she was restored to the sanctity which she had risked by her former easiness. And so all was for the best in the best of all possible worlds.
They hardly saw each other at all over the next six months—it had, of course, in this thankful response to their reckless behavior, turned into a sacred time, even more filled with intense emotion than the engagement periods of those who haven’t come so close to burning out. Even when she was around, he found a certain joy in mixing distant admiration with the hopeful anticipation of being close again, and in this way, she was brought back to the special place she had jeopardized with her past ease. So everything was as it should be in the best of all possible worlds.
When the six months had gone by, he came to claim her hand. She was quite astonished. 'You promised to marry me at the end of six months,' he reminded her.
When the six months were up, he came to ask for her hand in marriage. She was really surprised. 'You promised to marry me after six months,' he reminded her.
'Surely it isn't six months already,' she said.
'Surely it hasn't been six months already,' she said.
He referred her to the calendar, recalled the date of her husband's death.
He pointed her to the calendar, remembering the date of her husband's death.
'You are strangely literal for a poet,' she said. 'Of course I said six months, but six months doesn't mean twenty-six weeks by the clock. All I meant was that a decent period must intervene. But even to myself it seems only yesterday that poor Harold was walking beside me in the Kurhaus Park.' She burst into tears, and in the face of them he could not pursue the argument.
'You're surprisingly straightforward for a poet,' she said. 'Sure, I said six months, but six months doesn’t translate to twenty-six weeks on the clock. What I really meant was that a reasonable amount of time should pass. But even I think it was just yesterday that poor Harold was walking next to me in Kurhaus Park.' She started crying, and with that, he couldn’t continue the argument.
Gradually, after several interviews and letters, it was agreed that they should wait another six months.
Gradually, after several interviews and letters, they agreed to wait another six months.
'She is right,' he reflected again. 'We have waited so long, we may as well wait a little longer and leave malice no handle.'
'She is right,' he thought again. 'We have waited so long; we might as well wait a little longer and not give malice any reason to act.'
The second six months seemed to him much longer than the first. The charm of respectful adoration had lost its novelty, and once again his breast was racked by fitful fevers which could scarcely calm themselves even by conversion into sonnets. The one point of repose was that shining fixed star of marriage. Still smarting under Winifred's reproach of his unpoetic literality, he did not intend to force her to marry him exactly at the end of the twelve-month. But he was determined that she should have no later than this exact date for at least 'naming the day'. Not the most punctilious stickler for convention, he felt, could deny that Mrs. Grundy's claim had been paid to the last minute.
The second six months felt much longer than the first. The initial charm of being admired had worn off, and once again he was tormented by restless feelings that couldn’t even settle down into poems. The only comfort was the bright and constant star of marriage. Still stinging from Winifred's criticism of his lack of poetic imagination, he didn’t plan to pressure her into marrying him right at the end of the year. But he was set on making sure she wouldn’t have any date later than that to at least ‘set the date.’ He felt that even the most rigid stickler for traditions couldn’t deny that Mrs. Grundy’s standards had been met down to the very last detail.
The publication of his new volume—containing the Winifred lyrics—had served to colour these months of intolerable delay. Even the reaction of the critics against his poetry, that conventional revolt against every second volume, that parrot cry of over-praise from the very throats that had praised him, though it pained and perplexed him, was perhaps really helpful. At any rate, the long waiting was over at last. He felt like Jacob after his years of service for Rachel.
The release of his new book—featuring the Winifred lyrics—had marked these months of unbearable waiting. Even the critics' backlash against his poetry, that usual backlash against every second book, and the insincere praise from those who had previously applauded him, though it hurt and confused him, may have actually been beneficial. At any rate, the long wait was finally over. He felt like Jacob after his years of working for Rachel.
The fateful morning dawned bright and blue, and, as the towers of Oxford were left behind him he recalled that distant Saturday when he had first gone down to meet the literary lights of London in his publisher's salon. How much older he was now than then—and yet how much younger! The nebulous melancholy of youth, the clouds of philosophy, had vanished before this beautiful creature of sunshine whose radiance cut out a clear line for his future through the confusion of life.
The fateful morning arrived bright and blue, and as he left the towers of Oxford behind, he remembered that distant Saturday when he first went to meet the literary stars of London at his publisher's salon. He was so much older now than he was back then—and yet somehow so much younger! The vague sadness of youth, the clouds of philosophy, had disappeared in the presence of this beautiful being of sunshine, whose brightness carved a clear path for his future through the chaos of life.
At a florist's in the High Street of Hampstead he bought a costly bouquet of white flowers, and walked airily to the house and rang the bell jubilantly. He could scarcely believe his ears when the maid told him her mistress was not at home. How dared the girl stare at him so impassively? Did she not know by what appointment—on what errand—he had come? Had he not written to her mistress a week ago that he would present himself that afternoon?
At a florist's on the High Street in Hampstead, he bought an expensive bouquet of white flowers and walked confidently to the house, ringing the bell cheerfully. He could hardly believe his ears when the maid told him her mistress wasn’t home. How could she look at him so blankly? Didn’t she know why he was there and what business he had come for? Hadn’t he written to her mistress a week ago to say he would be there that afternoon?
'Not at home!' he gasped. 'But when will she be home?'
'Not home!' he said, out of breath. 'But when will she be back?'
'I fancy she won't be long. She went out an hour ago, and she has an appointment with her dressmaker at five.'
'I think she won't be long. She went out an hour ago, and she has an appointment with her dressmaker at five.'
'Do you know in what direction she'd have gone?'
'Do you know which way she would have gone?'
'Oh, she generally walks on the Heath before tea.'
'Oh, she usually takes a walk on the Heath before tea.'
The world suddenly grew rosy again. 'I will come back again,' he said. Yes, a walk in this glorious air—heathward—would do him good.
The world suddenly became bright again. 'I will come back again,' he said. Yes, a walk in this beautiful air—heading toward the heath—would do him good.
As the door shut he remembered he might have left the flowers, but he would not ring again, and besides, it was, perhaps, better he should present them with his own hand, than let her find them on the hall table. Still, it seemed rather awkward to walk about the streets with a bouquet, and he was glad, accidentally to strike the old Hampstead Church, and to seek a momentary seclusion in passing through its avenue of quiet gravestones on his heathward way.
As the door closed, he remembered he might have left the flowers behind, but he wouldn’t ring the bell again. Besides, it was probably better for him to give them in person rather than have her find them on the hall table. Still, it felt a bit strange to walk around the streets with a bouquet, so he was relieved to come across the old Hampstead Church and decided to take a brief moment of solitude by walking through its quiet gravestone-lined path on his way to the heath.
Mounting the few steps, he paused idly a moment on the verge of this green 'God's-acre' to read a perpendicular slab on a wall, and his face broadened into a smile as he followed the absurdly elaborate biography of a rich, self-made merchant who had taught himself to read, 'Reader, go thou and do likewise,' was the delicious bull at the end. As he turned away, the smile still lingering about his lips, he saw a dainty figure tripping down the stony graveyard path, and though he was somehow startled to find her still in black, there was no mistaking Mrs. Glamorys. She ran to meet him with a glad cry, which filled his eyes with happy tears.
Climbing the few steps, he paused for a moment at the edge of this green 'God's-acre' to read a vertical plaque on a wall, and his face broke into a smile as he followed the absurdly detailed biography of a wealthy self-made merchant who had taught himself to read; 'Reader, go you and do the same,' was the delightful punchline at the end. As he turned away, the smile still lingering on his lips, he noticed a delicate figure walking lightly down the rocky graveyard path, and although he was a bit surprised to see her still in black, there was no mistaking Mrs. Glamorys. She rushed to meet him with a joyful cry, which filled his eyes with happy tears.
'How good of you to remember!' she said, as she took the bouquet from his unresisting hand, and turned again on her footsteps. He followed her wonderingly across the uneven road towards a narrow aisle of graves on the left. In another instant she has stooped before a shining white stone, and laid his bouquet reverently upon it. As he reached her side, he saw that his flowers were almost lost in the vast mass of floral offerings with which the grave of the woman beater was bestrewn.
"How sweet of you to remember!" she said as she took the bouquet from his open hand and turned back on her path. He followed her curiously across the uneven road toward a narrow row of graves on the left. In a moment, she bent down before a shining white stone and gently placed his bouquet on it. As he reached her side, he noticed that his flowers were nearly hidden among the countless floral tributes that covered the grave of the woman beater.
'How good of you to remember the anniversary,' she murmured again.
"That's so thoughtful of you to remember the anniversary," she said quietly again.
'How could I forget it?' he stammered, astonished. 'Is not this the end of the terrible twelve-month?'
"How could I forget it?" he stammered, amazed. "Isn't this the end of the awful year?"
The soft gratitude died out of her face. 'Oh, is that what you were thinking of?'
The warm gratitude faded from her face. 'Oh, is that what you were thinking?'
'What else?' he murmured, pale with conflicting emotions.
"What else?" he murmured, pale with mixed emotions.
'What else! I think decency demanded that this day, at least, should be sacred to his memory. Oh, what brutes men are!' And she burst into tears.
'What else! I think respect required that this day, at least, should be dedicated to his memory. Oh, what animals men are!' And she broke down in tears.
His patient breast revolted at last. 'You said he was the brute!' he retorted, outraged.
His patient chest finally protested. 'You said he was the beast!' he snapped back, furious.
'Is that your chivalry to the dead? Oh, my poor Harold, my poor Harold!'
'Is that your way of being noble to the dead? Oh, my poor Harold, my poor Harold!'
For once her tears could not extinguish the flame of his anger. 'But you told me he beat you,' he cried.
For once, her tears couldn't put out the fire of his anger. 'But you said he hit you,' he yelled.
'And if he did, I dare say I deserved it. Oh, my darling, my darling!' She laid her face on the stone and sobbed.
'And if he did, I must admit I deserved it. Oh, my love, my love!' She laid her face on the stone and cried.
John Lefolle stood by in silent torture. As he helplessly watched her white throat swell and fall with the sobs, he was suddenly struck by the absence of the black velvet band—the truer mourning she had worn in the lifetime of the so lamented. A faint scar, only perceptible to his conscious eye, added to his painful bewilderment.
John Lefolle stood by in silent agony. As he helplessly watched her white throat rise and fall with her sobs, he was suddenly struck by the absence of the black velvet band—the more genuine mourning she had worn during the life of the one she so deeply mourned. A faint scar, barely noticeable to anyone but him, added to his painful confusion.
At last she rose and walked unsteadily forward. He followed her in mute misery. In a moment or two they found themselves on the outskirts of the deserted heath. How beautiful stretched the gorsy rolling country! The sun was setting in great burning furrows of gold and green—a panorama to take one's breath away. The beauty and peace of Nature passed into the poet's soul.
At last, she stood up and walked forward unsteadily. He followed her in silent despair. In a minute or two, they found themselves on the edge of the empty heath. The rolling countryside covered in gorse was stunning! The sun was setting in huge, glowing streaks of gold and green—a breathtaking view. The beauty and tranquility of Nature filled the poet's soul.
'Forgive me, dearest,' he begged, taking her hand.
'I'm sorry, my love,' he pleaded, taking her hand.
She drew it away sharply. 'I cannot forgive you. You have shown yourself in your true colours.'
She pulled it away quickly. 'I can’t forgive you. You’ve revealed your true self.'
Her unreasonableness angered him again. 'What do you mean? I only came in accordance with our long-standing arrangement. You have put me off long enough.'
Her unreasonable behavior irritated him again. "What do you mean? I only came in line with our long-standing agreement. You've kept me waiting long enough."
'It is fortunate I did put you off long enough to discover what you are.'
'I'm glad I waited long enough to find out what you really are.'
He gasped. He thought of all the weary months of waiting, all the long comedy of telegrams and express letters, the far-off flirtations of the cosy corner, the baffled elopement to Paris. 'Then you won't marry me?'
He gasped. He thought about all the exhausted months of waiting, all the long back-and-forth of telegrams and express letters, the distant flirtations in the cozy corner, the frustrating failed escape to Paris. 'So, you won't marry me?'
'I cannot marry a man I neither love nor respect.'
'I can't marry a man I don't love or respect.'
'You don't love me!' Her spontaneous kiss in his sober Oxford study seemed to burn on his angry lips.
'You don't love me!' Her unexpected kiss in his serious Oxford study felt like it was searing his furious lips.
'No, I never loved you.'
'No, I never loved you.'
He took her by the arms and turned her round roughly. 'Look me in the face and dare to say you have never loved me.'
He grabbed her by the arms and spun her around forcefully. 'Look me in the eyes and dare to say you've never loved me.'
His memory was buzzing with passionate phrases from her endless letters. They stung like a swarm of bees. The sunset was like blood-red mist before his eyes.
His mind was buzzing with intense lines from her endless letters. They hit him like a swarm of bees. The sunset looked like a blood-red fog before his eyes.
'I have never loved you,' she said obstinately.
"I've never loved you," she said stubbornly.
'You—!' His grasp on her arms tightened. He shook her.
'You—!' His grip on her arms tightened. He shook her.
'You are bruising me,' she cried.
"You're hurting me," she said.
His grasp fell from her arms as though they were red-hot. He had become a woman beater.
His grip slipped from her arms as if they were on fire. He had turned into an abuser.
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