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Whirligigs
by O. Henry
Contents
I
THE WORLD AND THE DOOR
A favourite dodge to get your story read by the public is to assert that it is true, and then add that Truth is stranger than Fiction. I do not know if the yarn I am anxious for you to read is true; but the Spanish purser of the fruit steamer El Carrero swore to me by the shrine of Santa Guadalupe that he had the facts from the U. S. vice-consul at La Paz—a person who could not possibly have been cognizant of half of them.
A popular trick to get your story noticed by the public is to claim it’s true and then say that truth is stranger than fiction. I’m not sure if the tale that I really want you to read is true; but the Spanish purser of the fruit steamer El Carrero vowed to me by the shrine of Santa Guadalupe that he got the details from the U.S. vice-consul at La Paz—a person who definitely couldn’t have known half of them.
As for the adage quoted above, I take pleasure in puncturing it by affirming that I read in a purely fictional story the other day the line: “‘Be it so,’ said the policeman.” Nothing so strange has yet cropped out in Truth.
As for the saying mentioned earlier, I enjoy debunking it by stating that I recently read a fictional story that included the line: “‘Be it so,’ said the policeman.” Nothing that odd has appeared in reality yet.
When H. Ferguson Hedges, millionaire promoter, investor and man-about-New-York, turned his thoughts upon matters convivial, and word of it went “down the line,” bouncers took a precautionary turn at the Indian clubs, waiters put ironstone china on his favourite tables, cab drivers crowded close to the curbstone in front of all-night cafés, and careful cashiers in his regular haunts charged up a few bottles to his account by way of preface and introduction.
When H. Ferguson Hedges, a wealthy promoter, investor, and socialite in New York, started thinking about having a good time, word spread quickly. Bouncers at the Indian clubs got ready, waiters set up ironstone china on his favorite tables, cab drivers lined up at the curb in front of all-night cafés, and attentive cashiers at his usual spots charged a few bottles to his tab as a warmup.
As a money power a one-millionaire is of small account in a city where the man who cuts your slice of beef behind the free-lunch counter rides to work in his own automobile. But Hedges spent his money as lavishly, loudly and showily as though he were only a clerk squandering a week’s wages. And, after all, the bartender takes no interest in your reserve fund. He would rather look you up on his cash register than in Bradstreet.
As a wealthy person, a millionaire doesn't mean much in a city where the guy slicing your beef behind the free-lunch counter drives to work in his own car. But Hedges spent his money as extravagantly, noisily, and ostentatiously as if he were just a clerk wasting a week’s paycheck. And really, the bartender couldn't care less about your savings. He’d much rather scan your card on his register than check your credit rating.
On the evening that the material allegation of facts begins, Hedges was bidding dull care begone in the company of five or six good fellows—acquaintances and friends who had gathered in his wake.
On the evening when the serious claims began, Hedges was trying to shake off his worries while hanging out with five or six good friends and acquaintances who had come together around him.
Among them were two younger men—Ralph Merriam, a broker, and Wade, his friend.
Among them were two younger men—Ralph Merriam, a broker, and Wade, his friend.
Two deep-sea cabmen were chartered. At Columbus Circle they hove to long enough to revile the statue of the great navigator, unpatriotically rebuking him for having voyaged in search of land instead of liquids. Midnight overtook the party marooned in the rear of a cheap café far uptown.
Two deep-sea cab drivers were hired. At Columbus Circle, they stopped long enough to criticize the statue of the great navigator, unpatriotically scolding him for exploring in search of land instead of water. Midnight found the group stranded in the back of a low-budget café way uptown.
Hedges was arrogant, overriding and quarrelsome. He was burly and tough, iron-gray but vigorous, “good” for the rest of the night. There was a dispute—about nothing that matters—and the five-fingered words were passed—the words that represent the glove cast into the lists. Merriam played the rôle of the verbal Hotspur.
Hedges was arrogant, domineering, and argumentative. He was stocky and strong, with iron-gray hair but still full of energy, “good” for the rest of the night. There was a disagreement—over something trivial—and harsh words were exchanged—the words that signify the challenge thrown down. Merriam took on the role of the verbal warrior.
Hedges rose quickly, seized his chair, swung it once and smashed wildly down at Merriam’s head. Merriam dodged, drew a small revolver and shot Hedges in the chest. The leading roysterer stumbled, fell in a wry heap, and lay still.
Hedges got up quickly, grabbed his chair, swung it once, and brought it crashing down at Merriam's head. Merriam dodged, pulled out a small revolver, and shot Hedges in the chest. The main troublemaker stumbled, collapsed in a twisted heap, and lay still.
Wade, a commuter, had formed that habit of promptness. He juggled Merriam out a side door, walked him to the corner, ran him a block and caught a hansom. They rode five minutes and then got out on a dark corner and dismissed the cab. Across the street the lights of a small saloon betrayed its hectic hospitality.
Wade, a commuter, had developed a habit of being on time. He pushed Merriam out a side door, walked him to the corner, ran him a block, and hailed a cab. They rode for five minutes before getting out on a dark corner and paying the driver. Across the street, the lights of a small bar revealed its busy atmosphere.
“Go in the back room of that saloon,” said Wade, “and wait. I’ll go find out what’s doing and let you know. You may take two drinks while I am gone—no more.”
“Go in the back room of that bar,” said Wade, “and wait. I’ll go find out what’s going on and let you know. You can have two drinks while I’m gone—no more.”
At ten minutes to one o’clock Wade returned. “Brace up, old chap,” he said. “The ambulance got there just as I did. The doctor says he’s dead. You may have one more drink. You let me run this thing for you. You’ve got to skip. I don’t believe a chair is legally a deadly weapon. You’ve got to make tracks, that’s all there is to it.”
At twelve fifty, Wade came back. “Pull yourself together, man,” he said. “The ambulance arrived right when I did. The doctor says he’s gone. You can have one more drink. Let me handle this for you. You need to get out of here. I don’t think a chair is considered a deadly weapon. You need to get moving, that's all there is to it.”
Merriam complained of the cold querulously, and asked for another drink. “Did you notice what big veins he had on the back of his hands?” he said. “I never could stand—I never could—”
Merriam complained about the cold in a whiny way and asked for another drink. “Did you notice how prominent the veins on the back of his hands were?” he said. “I could never handle—I never could—”
“Take one more,” said Wade, “and then come on. I’ll see you through.”
“Take one more,” Wade said, “and then let’s go. I’ll help you out.”
Wade kept his promise so well that at eleven o’clock the next morning Merriam, with a new suit case full of new clothes and hair-brushes, stepped quietly on board a little 500-ton fruit steamer at an East River pier. The vessel had brought the season’s first cargo of limes from Port Limon, and was homeward bound. Merriam had his bank balance of $2,800 in his pocket in large bills, and brief instructions to pile up as much water as he could between himself and New York. There was no time for anything more.
Wade kept his promise so well that at eleven o’clock the next morning, Merriam, with a new suitcase full of new clothes and hairbrushes, quietly boarded a small 500-ton fruit steamer at an East River pier. The ship had brought the season’s first load of limes from Port Limon and was headed home. Merriam had his bank balance of $2,800 in cash and a simple plan to put as much distance as he could between himself and New York. There was no time for anything more.
From Port Limon Merriam worked down the coast by schooner and sloop to Colon, thence across the isthmus to Panama, where he caught a tramp bound for Callao and such intermediate ports as might tempt the discursive skipper from his course.
From Port Limon, Merriam traveled down the coast by schooner and sloop to Colon, then crossed the isthmus to Panama, where he boarded a cargo ship heading to Callao and any other ports that might catch the captain's interest along the way.
It was at La Paz that Merriam decided to land—La Paz the Beautiful, a little harbourless town smothered in a living green ribbon that banded the foot of a cloud-piercing mountain. Here the little steamer stopped to tread water while the captain’s dory took him ashore that he might feel the pulse of the cocoanut market. Merriam went too, with his suit case, and remained.
It was at La Paz that Merriam decided to land—La Paz the Beautiful, a small town without a harbor, wrapped in a vibrant green strip at the base of a towering mountain. Here, the small steamer paused while the captain's small boat took him ashore so he could gauge the vibe of the coconut market. Merriam went along with his suitcase and stayed.
Kalb, the vice-consul, a Græco-Armenian citizen of the United States, born in Hessen-Darmstadt, and educated in Cincinnati ward primaries, considered all Americans his brothers and bankers. He attached himself to Merriam’s elbow, introduced him to every one in La Paz who wore shoes, borrowed ten dollars and went back to his hammock.
Kalb, the vice-consul, a Greco-Armenian citizen of the United States, born in Hessen-Darmstadt and educated in Cincinnati public schools, regarded all Americans as his brothers and benefactors. He stuck close to Merriam, introduced him to everyone in La Paz who wore shoes, borrowed ten dollars, and then returned to his hammock.
There was a little wooden hotel in the edge of a banana grove, facing the sea, that catered to the tastes of the few foreigners that had dropped out of the world into the triste Peruvian town. At Kalb’s introductory: “Shake hands with ––––,” he had obediently exchanged manual salutations with a German doctor, one French and two Italian merchants, and three or four Americans who were spoken of as gold men, rubber men, mahogany men—anything but men of living tissue.
There was a small wooden hotel at the edge of a banana grove, facing the sea, that catered to the tastes of the few foreigners who had dropped out of the world into the triste Peruvian town. At Kalb’s introduction: “Shake hands with ––––,” he had dutifully exchanged handshakes with a German doctor, one French merchant, two Italian merchants, and three or four Americans who were referred to as gold men, rubber men, mahogany men—anything but actual men.
After dinner Merriam sat in a corner of the broad front galeria with Bibb, a Vermonter interested in hydraulic mining, and smoked and drank Scotch “smoke.” The moonlit sea, spreading infinitely before him, seemed to separate him beyond all apprehension from his old life. The horrid tragedy in which he had played such a disastrous part now began, for the first time since he stole on board the fruiter, a wretched fugitive, to lose its sharper outlines. Distance lent assuagement to his view. Bibb had opened the flood-gates of a stream of long-dammed discourse, overjoyed to have captured an audience that had not suffered under a hundred repetitions of his views and theories.
After dinner, Merriam sat in a corner of the wide front galeria with Bibb, a guy from Vermont who was into hydraulic mining. They smoked and drank Scotch. The moonlit sea stretched endlessly before him, making him feel completely disconnected from his old life. The awful tragedy where he had played such a disastrous role began, for the first time since he sneaked onto the fruiter as a miserable fugitive, to lose its sharp edges. The distance helped soften his perspective. Bibb had opened the floodgates of conversation, thrilled to have found someone who hadn't heard his views and theories a hundred times before.
“One year more,” said Bibb, “and I’ll go back to God’s country. Oh, I know it’s pretty here, and you get dolce far niente handed to you in chunks, but this country wasn’t made for a white man to live in. You’ve got to have to plug through snow now and then, and see a game of baseball and wear a stiff collar and have a policeman cuss you. Still, La Paz is a good sort of a pipe-dreamy old hole. And Mrs. Conant is here. When any of us feels particularly like jumping into the sea we rush around to her house and propose. It’s nicer to be rejected by Mrs. Conant than it is to be drowned. And they say drowning is a delightful sensation.”
“One more year,” said Bibb, “and I’ll head back to God’s country. Oh, I know it’s beautiful here, and you get to enjoy the good life pretty easily, but this place wasn’t made for a white guy to live in. You have to trudge through snow sometimes, catch a baseball game, wear a stiff collar, and deal with a cop cursing you out. Still, La Paz is a pretty nice, dreamlike little spot. And Mrs. Conant is here. When any of us feels like jumping into the sea, we rush over to her house and ask her out. It’s better to get turned down by Mrs. Conant than to end up drowned. And they say drowning is a lovely feeling.”
“Many like her here?” asked Merriam.
“Are there many like her here?” asked Merriam.
“Not anywhere,” said Bibb, with a comfortable sigh. She’s the only white woman in La Paz. The rest range from a dappled dun to the colour of a b-flat piano key. She’s been here a year. Comes from—well, you know how a woman can talk—ask ’em to say ‘string’ and they’ll say ‘crow’s foot’ or ‘cat’s cradle.’ Sometimes you’d think she was from Oshkosh, and again from Jacksonville, Florida, and the next day from Cape Cod.”
“Nowhere,” said Bibb, with a relaxed sigh. She’s the only white woman in La Paz. The others range from a light brown to the color of a B-flat piano key. She’s been here for a year. Comes from—well, you know how women can talk—ask them to say ‘string’ and they’ll say ‘crow’s foot’ or ‘cat’s cradle.’ Sometimes you’d think she was from Oshkosh, then from Jacksonville, Florida, and the next day from Cape Cod.”
“Mystery?” ventured Merriam.
“Mystery?” asked Merriam.
“M—well, she looks it; but her talk’s translucent enough. But that’s a woman. I suppose if the Sphinx were to begin talking she’d merely say: ‘Goodness me! more visitors coming for dinner, and nothing to eat but the sand which is here.’ But you won’t think about that when you meet her, Merriam. You’ll propose to her too.”
“M—well, she looks the part; but what she says is pretty obvious. But that’s women for you. I guess if the Sphinx started talking, she’d just say: ‘Oh my! More guests for dinner, and nothing to serve but the sand around here.’ But you won’t be thinking about that when you meet her, Merriam. You’ll end up proposing to her too.”
To make a hard story soft, Merriam did meet her and propose to her. He found her to be a woman in black with hair the colour of a bronze turkey’s wings, and mysterious, remembering eyes that—well, that looked as if she might have been a trained nurse looking on when Eve was created. Her words and manner, though, were translucent, as Bibb had said. She spoke, vaguely, of friends in California and some of the lower parishes in Louisiana. The tropical climate and indolent life suited her; she had thought of buying an orange grove later on; La Paz, all in all, charmed her.
To make a tough story easier, Merriam did meet her and proposed to her. He found her to be a woman in black with hair the color of bronze turkey wings, and she had mysterious, remembering eyes that looked like she might have been a trained nurse watching when Eve was created. However, her words and demeanor were unclear, as Bibb had said. She spoke vaguely about friends in California and some of the lower parishes in Louisiana. The tropical climate and laid-back lifestyle suited her; she had thought about buying an orange grove later on; La Paz, overall, enchanted her.
Merriam’s courtship of the Sphinx lasted three months, although he did not know that he was courting her. He was using her as an antidote for remorse, until he found, too late, that he had acquired the habit. During that time he had received no news from home. Wade did not know where he was; and he was not sure of Wade’s exact address, and was afraid to write. He thought he had better let matters rest as they were for a while.
Merriam’s courtship of the Sphinx lasted three months, although he didn’t realize he was courting her. He was using her as a way to cope with his guilt, until he discovered, too late, that he had become dependent on her. During that time, he hadn’t received any news from home. Wade didn’t know where he was, and he wasn’t sure of Wade’s exact address, so he was hesitant to write. He figured it was better to leave things as they were for a while.
One afternoon he and Mrs. Conant hired two ponies and rode out along the mountain trail as far as the little cold river that came tumbling down the foothills. There they stopped for a drink, and Merriam spoke his piece—he proposed, as Bibb had prophesied.
One afternoon, he and Mrs. Conant rented two ponies and rode along the mountain trail to the small cold river that flowed down the foothills. They stopped there for a drink, and Merriam shared his thoughts—he proposed, just as Bibb had predicted.
Mrs. Conant gave him one glance of brilliant tenderness, and then her face took on such a strange, haggard look that Merriam was shaken out of his intoxication and back to his senses.
Mrs. Conant gave him one look of deep affection, and then her face took on such a strange, worn expression that Merriam was jolted out of his daze and back to reality.
“I beg your pardon, Florence,” he said, releasing her hand; “but I’ll have to hedge on part of what I said. I can’t ask you to marry me, of course. I killed a man in New York—a man who was my friend—shot him down—in quite a cowardly manner, I understand. Of course, the drinking didn’t excuse it. Well, I couldn’t resist having my say; and I’ll always mean it. I’m here as a fugitive from justice, and—I suppose that ends our acquaintance.”
“I’m really sorry, Florence,” he said, letting go of her hand; “but I have to take back part of what I said. I can’t ask you to marry me, obviously. I killed a man in New York—a man who was my friend—I shot him down—in a pretty cowardly way, I know. The drinking doesn’t excuse it, of course. Well, I needed to get that off my chest; and I’ll always mean it. I’m here as a fugitive from justice, and—I guess that means our relationship has to end.”
Mrs. Conant plucked little leaves assiduously from the low-hanging branch of a lime tree.
Mrs. Conant carefully picked small leaves from the low-hanging branch of a lime tree.
“I suppose so,” she said, in low and oddly uneven tones; “but that depends upon you. I’ll be as honest as you were. I poisoned my husband. I am a self-made widow. A man cannot love a murderess. So I suppose that ends our acquaintance.”
“I guess so,” she said, in a low and strangely unsteady voice; “but that’s up to you. I’ll be as honest as you were. I poisoned my husband. I made myself a widow. A man can’t love a murderer. So I guess that wraps up our relationship.”
She looked up at him slowly. His face turned a little pale, and he stared at her blankly, like a deaf-and-dumb man who was wondering what it was all about.
She slowly looked up at him. His face turned slightly pale, and he stared at her blankly, like a mute person trying to understand what was happening.
She took a swift step toward him, with stiffened arms and eyes blazing.
She took a quick step toward him, with tense arms and eyes shining.
“Don’t look at me like that!” she cried, as though she were in acute pain. “Curse me, or turn your back on me, but don’t look that way. Am I a woman to be beaten? If I could show you—here on my arms, and on my back are scars—and it has been more than a year—scars that he made in his brutal rages. A holy nun would have risen and struck the fiend down. Yes, I killed him. The foul and horrible words that he hurled at me that last day are repeated in my ears every night when I sleep. And then came his blows, and the end of my endurance. I got the poison that afternoon. It was his custom to drink every night in the library before going to bed a hot punch made of rum and wine. Only from my fair hands would he receive it— because he knew the fumes of spirits always sickened me. That night when the maid brought it to me I sent her downstairs on an errand. Before taking him his drink I went to my little private cabinet and poured into it more than a tea-spoonful of tincture of aconite—enough to kill three men, so I had learned. I had drawn $6,000 that I had in bank, and with that and a few things in a satchel I left the house without any one seeing me. As I passed the library I heard him stagger up and fall heavily on a couch. I took a night train for New Orleans, and from there I sailed to the Bermudas. I finally cast anchor in La Paz. And now what have you to say? Can you open your mouth?”
“Don't look at me like that!” she shouted, as if she were in intense pain. “Cursed me or turn away from me, but don’t give me that look. Am I a woman to be beaten? If I could show you—look at my arms and my back, I have scars—and it’s been over a year—scars from his violent rages. A saint would have stood up and struck that monster down. Yes, I killed him. The vile and horrible things he shouted at me that last day echo in my ears every night when I sleep. And then came his blows, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I got the poison that afternoon. He always drank a hot punch made of rum and wine in the library every night before bed. Only I would serve it to him—because he knew alcohol always made me sick. That night, when the maid brought it to me, I sent her on an errand downstairs. Before giving him his drink, I went to my private cabinet and poured in more than a teaspoon of aconite tincture—enough to kill three men, as I had learned. I withdrew $6,000 from my bank account, and with that and a few belongings in a bag, I left the house unnoticed. As I passed the library, I heard him stagger and collapse heavily onto the couch. I took a night train to New Orleans, and from there I sailed to Bermuda. I finally anchored in La Paz. So, what do you have to say? Can you even speak?”
Merriam came back to life.
Merriam revived.
“Florence,” he said earnestly, “I want you. I don’t care what you’ve done. If the world—”
“Florence,” he said earnestly, “I want you. I don’t care what you’ve done. If the world—”
“Ralph,” she interrupted, almost with a scream, “be my world!”
“Ralph,” she cut in, nearly shouting, “be my everything!”
Her eyes melted; she relaxed magnificently and swayed toward Merriam so suddenly that he had to jump to catch her.
Her eyes softened; she relaxed beautifully and swayed toward Merriam so suddenly that he had to jump to catch her.
Dear me! in such scenes how the talk runs into artificial prose. But it can’t be helped. It’s the subconscious smell of the footlights’ smoke that’s in all of us. Stir the depths of your cook’s soul sufficiently and she will discourse in Bulwer-Lyttonese.
Dear me! In situations like these, the conversation turns into forced fancy language. But what can you do? It’s the underlying essence of stage smoke that’s in all of us. Dig deep enough into your cook’s soul, and she’ll start speaking in a style like Bulwer-Lytton.
Merriam and Mrs. Conant were very happy. He announced their engagement at the Hotel Orilla del Mar. Eight foreigners and four native Astors pounded his back and shouted insincere congratulations at him. Pedrito, the Castilian-mannered barkeep, was goaded to extra duty until his agility would have turned a Boston cherry-phosphate clerk a pale lilac with envy.
Merriam and Mrs. Conant were extremely happy. He announced their engagement at the Hotel Orilla del Mar. Eight foreigners and four local Astors patted him on the back and shouted superficial congratulations at him. Pedrito, the Spanish-style bartender, was pushed to work harder until his speed would have made a Boston cherry-phosphate clerk turn a pale lilac with envy.
They were both very happy. According to the strange mathematics of the god of mutual affinity, the shadows that clouded their pasts when united became only half as dense instead of darker. They shut the world out and bolted the doors. Each was the other’s world. Mrs. Conant lived again. The remembering look left her eyes. Merriam was with her every moment that was possible. On a little plateau under a grove of palms and calabash trees they were going to build a fairy bungalow. They were to be married in two months. Many hours of the day they had their heads together over the house plans. Their joint capital would set up a business in fruit or woods that would yield a comfortable support. “Good night, my world,” would say Mrs. Conant every evening when Merriam left her for his hotel. They were very happy. Their love had, circumstantially, that element of melancholy in it that it seems to require to attain its supremest elevation. And it seemed that their mutual great misfortune or sin was a bond that nothing could sever.
They were both really happy. According to the weird math of the god of mutual attraction, the shadows from their pasts, when combined, became only half as heavy instead of darker. They shut out the world and locked the doors. Each was the other’s entire world. Mrs. Conant felt alive again. The distant look disappeared from her eyes. Merriam was with her every moment he could. On a little plateau beneath a grove of palms and calabash trees, they planned to build a fairy-tale bungalow. They were set to get married in two months. They spent many hours of the day with their heads together over the house plans. Their combined savings would fund a business in fruit or wood that would provide a comfortable living. “Good night, my world,” Mrs. Conant would say every evening when Merriam left for his hotel. They were very happy. Their love had that touch of sadness it seems to need to reach its greatest heights. And it felt like their shared great misfortune or sin was a bond that nothing could break.
One day a steamer hove in the offing. Bare-legged and bare-shouldered La Paz scampered down to the beach, for the arrival of a steamer was their loop-the-loop, circus, Emancipation Day and four-o’clock tea.
One day, a steamer appeared in the distance. La Paz, with bare legs and shoulders, rushed down to the beach because the arrival of a steamer was their rollercoaster ride, circus, Independence Day, and afternoon tea all rolled into one.
When the steamer was near enough, wise ones proclaimed that she was the Pajaro, bound up-coast from Callao to Panama.
When the steamer got close enough, the knowledgeable people declared that she was the Pajaro, heading up the coast from Callao to Panama.
The Pajaro put on brakes a mile off shore. Soon a boat came bobbing shoreward. Merriam strolled down on the beach to look on. In the shallow water the Carib sailors sprang out and dragged the boat with a mighty rush to the firm shingle. Out climbed the purser, the captain and two passengers, ploughing their way through the deep sand toward the hotel. Merriam glanced toward them with the mild interest due to strangers. There was something familiar to him in the walk of one of the passengers. He looked again, and his blood seemed to turn to strawberry ice cream in his veins. Burly, arrogant, debonair as ever, H. Ferguson Hedges, the man he had killed, was coming toward him ten feet away.
The Pajaro slowed down about a mile from the shore. Before long, a boat came bobbing toward the beach. Merriam walked along the shore to take a look. In the shallow water, the Carib sailors jumped out and pulled the boat ashore with a strong effort. Out stepped the purser, the captain, and two passengers, making their way through the deep sand toward the hotel. Merriam glanced at them with the casual curiosity reserved for strangers. One of the passengers had a walk that seemed familiar to him. He looked again, and it felt like his blood was turning to strawberry ice cream in his veins. Burly, arrogant, and as charming as ever, H. Ferguson Hedges, the man he had killed, was approaching him just ten feet away.
When Hedges saw Merriam his face flushed a dark red. Then he shouted in his old, bluff way: “Hello, Merriam. Glad to see you. Didn’t expect to find you out here. Quinby, this is my old friend Merriam, of New York—Merriam, Mr. Quinby.”
When Hedges saw Merriam, his face turned bright red. Then he called out in his usual, brash manner: “Hey, Merriam. Good to see you. Didn’t think I’d run into you out here. Quinby, this is my old friend Merriam from New York—Merriam, this is Mr. Quinby.”
Merriam gave Hedges and then Quinby an ice-cold hand. “Br-r-r-r!” said Hedges. “But you’ve got a frappéd flipper! Man, you’re not well. You’re as yellow as a Chinaman. Malarial here? Steer us to a bar if there is such a thing, and let’s take a prophylactic.”
Merriam shook hands with Hedges and then with Quinby, and his hand was ice-cold. “Brrr!” said Hedges. “But your hand is freezing! Dude, you’re not looking good. You’re as pale as someone from China. Got malaria around here? Show us where the bar is if there’s one nearby, and let’s drink something to prevent it.”
Merriam, still half comatose, led them toward the Hotel Orilla del Mar.
Merriam, still half asleep, led them toward the Hotel Orilla del Mar.
“Quinby and I,” explained Hedges, puffing through the slippery sand, “are looking out along the coast for some investments. We’ve just come up from Concepción and Valparaiso and Lima. The captain of this subsidized ferry boat told us there was some good picking around here in silver mines. So we got off. Now, where is that café, Merriam? Oh, in this portable soda water pavilion?”
“Quinby and I,” Hedges explained, breathing heavily as he trudged through the slippery sand, “are scouting the coast for some investment opportunities. We just came up from Concepción, Valparaiso, and Lima. The captain of this subsidized ferry told us there are some good silver mines around here. So, we decided to get off. Now, where's that café, Merriam? Oh, is it in this portable soda water stand?”
Leaving Quinby at the bar, Hedges drew Merriam aside.
Leaving Quinby at the bar, Hedges pulled Merriam aside.
“Now, what does this mean?” he said, with gruff kindness. “Are you sulking about that fool row we had?”
“Now, what does this mean?” he said, with a rough kind of kindness. “Are you pouting about that stupid fight we had?”
“I thought,” stammered Merriam—“I heard—they told me you were—that I had—”
“I thought,” stammered Merriam—“I heard—they told me you were—that I had—”
“Well, you didn’t, and I’m not,” said Hedges. “That fool young ambulance surgeon told Wade I was a candidate for a coffin just because I’d got tired and quit breathing. I laid up in a private hospital for a month; but here I am, kicking as hard as ever. Wade and I tried to find you, but couldn’t. Now, Merriam, shake hands and forget it all. I was as much to blame as you were; and the shot really did me good—I came out of the hospital as healthy and fit as a cab horse. Come on; that drink’s waiting.”
“Well, you didn’t, and I’m not,” said Hedges. “That clueless young ambulance doctor told Wade I was a candidate for a coffin just because I got tired and stopped breathing. I spent a month in a private hospital, but look at me now, kicking as hard as ever. Wade and I tried to find you but couldn’t. Now, Merriam, let’s shake hands and forget all that. I was just as much to blame as you were; and the shot really did me good—I came out of the hospital as healthy and fit as ever. Come on; that drink’s waiting.”
“Old man,” said Merriam, brokenly, “I don’t know how to thank you—I—well, you know—”
“Old man,” said Merriam, haltingly, “I don’t know how to thank you—I—well, you know—”
“Oh, forget it,” boomed Hedges. “Quinby’ll die of thirst if we don’t join him.”
“Oh, forget it,” shouted Hedges. “Quinby will die of thirst if we don’t go help him.”
Bibb was sitting on the shady side of the gallery waiting for the eleven-o’clock breakfast. Presently Merriam came out and joined him. His eye was strangely bright.
Bibb was sitting in the shade of the porch, waiting for the eleven o’clock breakfast. Soon, Merriam came out and joined him. His eyes were unusually bright.
“Bibb, my boy,” said he, slowly waving his hand, “do you see those mountains and that sea and sky and sunshine?—they’re mine, Bibbsy—all mine.”
“Bibb, my boy,” he said, slowly waving his hand, “do you see those mountains and that sea and sky and sunshine? — they’re mine, Bibbsy— all mine.”
“You go in,” said Bibb, “and take eight grains of quinine, right away. It won’t do in this climate for a man to get to thinking he’s Rockefeller, or James O’Neill either.”
“You go in,” said Bibb, “and take eight grains of quinine right away. In this climate, a guy can’t afford to think he’s Rockefeller or James O’Neill either.”
Inside, the purser was untying a great roll of newspapers, many of them weeks old, gathered in the lower ports by the Pajaro to be distributed at casual stopping-places. Thus do the beneficent voyagers scatter news and entertainment among the prisoners of sea and mountains.
Inside, the purser was unrolling a large bundle of newspapers, a lot of which were weeks old, collected in the lower ports by the Pajaro to be handed out at random stops. This is how these generous travelers spread news and entertainment among those trapped by the sea and mountains.
Tio Pancho, the hotel proprietor, set his great silver-rimmed anteojos upon his nose and divided the papers into a number of smaller rolls. A barefooted muchacho dashed in, desiring the post of messenger.
Tio Pancho, the hotel owner, perched his large silver-rimmed glasses on his nose and divided the papers into several smaller bundles. A barefooted kid rushed in, wanting the job of messenger.
“Bien venido,” said Tio Pancho. “This to Señora Conant; that to el Doctor S-S-Schlegel—Dios! what a name to say!—that to Señor Davis—one for Don Alberto. These two for the Casa de Huespedes, Numero 6, en la calle de las Buenas Gracias. And say to them all, muchacho, that the Pajaro sails for Panama at three this afternoon. If any have letters to send by the post, let them come quickly, that they may first pass through the correo.”
Welcome," said Tio Pancho. "This is for Señora Conant; that is for Dr. S-S-Schlegel—Wow! what a name to say!—that is for Señor Davis—one for Don Alberto. These two are for the Guest House, Number 6, on the street of Good Thanks. And tell them all, kid, that the Bird leaves for Panama at three this afternoon. If anyone has letters to send by mail, they should come quickly so they can go through the mail first.”
Mrs. Conant received her roll of newspapers at four o’clock. The boy was late in delivering them, because he had been deflected from his duty by an iguana that crossed his path and to which he immediately gave chase. But it made no hardship, for she had no letters to send.
Mrs. Conant got her stack of newspapers at four o’clock. The boy was late delivering them because he got distracted by an iguana that crossed his path and he immediately ran after it. But it didn’t matter, since she had no letters to send.
She was idling in a hammock in the patio of the house that she occupied, half awake, half happily dreaming of the paradise that she and Merriam had created out of the wrecks of their pasts. She was content now for the horizon of that shimmering sea to be the horizon of her life. They had shut out the world and closed the door.
She was lounging in a hammock on the patio of her house, half awake, half blissfully dreaming of the paradise she and Merriam had built from the ruins of their pasts. She was happy now for the horizon of that shimmering sea to be the limit of her life. They had shut out the world and closed the door.
Merriam was coming to her house at seven, after his dinner at the hotel. She would put on a white dress and an apricot-coloured lace mantilla, and they would walk an hour under the cocoanut palms by the lagoon. She smiled contentedly, and chose a paper at random from the roll the boy had brought.
Merriam was coming to her house at seven, after his dinner at the hotel. She would put on a white dress and an apricot-colored lace shawl, and they would walk for an hour under the coconut palms by the lagoon. She smiled to herself and picked a piece of paper at random from the roll the boy had brought.
At first the words of a certain headline of a Sunday newspaper meant nothing to her; they conveyed only a visualized sense of familiarity. The largest type ran thus: “Lloyd B. Conant secures divorce.” And then the subheadings: “Well-known Saint Louis paint manufacturer wins suit, pleading one year’s absence of wife.” “Her mysterious disappearance recalled.” “Nothing has been heard of her since.”
At first, the words of a certain headline from a Sunday newspaper meant nothing to her; they only gave her a vague sense of familiarity. The biggest headline read: “Lloyd B. Conant gets a divorce.” And then the subheadings: “Famous Saint Louis paint manufacturer wins case, citing one year’s absence of his wife.” “Her mysterious disappearance remembered.” “Nothing has been heard from her since.”
Twisting herself quickly out of the hammock, Mrs. Conant’s eye soon traversed the half-column of the “Recall.” It ended thus: “It will be remembered that Mrs. Conant disappeared one evening in March of last year. It was freely rumoured that her marriage with Lloyd B. Conant resulted in much unhappiness. Stories were not wanting to the effect that his cruelty toward his wife had more than once taken the form of physical abuse. After her departure a full bottle of tincture of aconite, a deadly poison, was found in a small medicine cabinet in her bedroom. This might have been an indication that she meditated suicide. It is supposed that she abandoned such an intention if she possessed it, and left her home instead.”
Twisting herself quickly out of the hammock, Mrs. Conant’s gaze soon scanned the half-column of the “Recall.” It ended like this: “It will be remembered that Mrs. Conant disappeared one evening in March of last year. There were widespread rumors that her marriage to Lloyd B. Conant was filled with unhappiness. There were plenty of stories suggesting that his cruelty toward his wife had often turned into physical abuse. After her departure, a full bottle of tincture of aconite, a deadly poison, was found in a small medicine cabinet in her bedroom. This could have indicated that she was contemplating suicide. It’s believed that she abandoned that idea, if she had it, and chose to leave her home instead.”
Mrs. Conant slowly dropped the paper, and sat on a chair, clasping her hands tightly.
Mrs. Conant slowly let the paper fall and sat down in a chair, gripping her hands tightly.
“Let me think—O God!—let me think,” she whispered. “I took the bottle with me . . . I threw it out of the window of the train . . . I— . . . there was another bottle in the cabinet . . . there were two, side by side—the aconite—and the valerian that I took when I could not sleep . . . If they found the aconite bottle full, why—but, he is alive, of course—I gave him only a harmless dose of valerian . . . I am not a murderess in fact . . . Ralph, I—O God, don’t let this be a dream!”
“Let me think—Oh God!—let me think,” she whispered. “I took the bottle with me... I threw it out of the train window... I—... there was another bottle in the cabinet... there were two, side by side—the aconite—and the valerian I took when I couldn’t sleep... If they find the aconite bottle full, why—but, he’s alive, of course—I only gave him a harmless dose of valerian... I’m not a murderer really... Ralph, I—Oh God, please don’t let this be a dream!”
She went into the part of the house that she rented from the old Peruvian man and his wife, shut the door, and walked up and down her room swiftly and feverishly for half an hour. Merriam’s photograph stood in a frame on a table. She picked it up, looked at it with a smile of exquisite tenderness, and—dropped four tears on it. And Merriam only twenty rods away! Then she stood still for ten minutes, looking into space. She looked into space through a slowly opening door. On her side of the door was the building material for a castle of Romance—love, an Arcady of waving palms, a lullaby of waves on the shore of a haven of rest, respite, peace, a lotus land of dreamy ease and security—a life of poetry and heart’s ease and refuge. Romanticist, will you tell me what Mrs. Conant saw on the other side of the door? You cannot?—that is, you will not? Very well; then listen.
She went into the part of the house that she rented from the old Peruvian man and his wife, shut the door, and walked up and down her room quickly and anxiously for half an hour. Merriam’s photograph stood in a frame on a table. She picked it up, looked at it with a smile of deep affection, and—dropped four tears on it. And Merriam was only twenty rods away! Then she stood still for ten minutes, staring into space. She gazed into space through a slowly opening door. On her side of the door was the building material for a castle of Romance—love, a paradise of waving palms, a lullaby of waves on the shore of a peaceful retreat, a land of dreamy ease and safety—a life filled with poetry and comfort and refuge. Romanticist, will you tell me what Mrs. Conant saw on the other side of the door? You cannot?—that is, you will not? Very well; then listen.
She saw herself go into a department store and buy five spools of silk thread and three yards of gingham to make an apron for the cook. “Shall I charge it, ma’am?” asked the clerk. As she walked out a lady whom she met greeted her cordially. “Oh, where did you get the pattern for those sleeves, dear Mrs. Conant?” she said. At the corner a policeman helped her across the street and touched his helmet. “Any callers?” she asked the maid when she reached home. “Mrs. Waldron,” answered the maid, “and the two Misses Jenkinson.” “Very well,” she said. “You may bring me a cup of tea, Maggie.”
She saw herself walk into a department store and buy five spools of silk thread and three yards of gingham to make an apron for the cook. “Should I put it on your account, ma’am?” asked the clerk. As she walked out, a lady she encountered greeted her warmly. “Oh, where did you get the pattern for those sleeves, dear Mrs. Conant?” she said. At the corner, a policeman helped her cross the street and tipped his hat. “Any visitors?” she asked the maid when she got home. “Mrs. Waldron,” the maid replied, “and the two Misses Jenkinson.” “Alright,” she said. “You can bring me a cup of tea, Maggie.”
Mrs. Conant went to the door and called Angela, the old Peruvian woman. “If Mateo is there send him to me.” Mateo, a half-breed, shuffling and old but efficient, came.
Mrs. Conant went to the door and called for Angela, the elderly Peruvian woman. “If Mateo is there, send him to me.” Mateo, a mixed-race man, shuffling and old but capable, arrived.
“Is there a steamer or a vessel of any kind leaving this coast to-night or to-morrow that I can get passage on?” she asked.
“Is there a steamer or any kind of ship leaving this coast tonight or tomorrow that I can catch a ride on?” she asked.
Mateo considered.
Mateo thought.
“At Punta Reina, thirty miles down the coast, señora,” he answered, “there is a small steamer loading with cinchona and dyewoods. She sails for San Francisco to-morrow at sunrise. So says my brother, who arrived in his sloop to-day, passing by Punta Reina.”
“At Punta Reina, thirty miles down the coast, ma'am,” he replied, “there's a small steamer loading cinchona and dyewoods. It leaves for San Francisco tomorrow at sunrise. That's what my brother told me; he arrived in his sloop today after passing by Punta Reina.”
“You must take me in that sloop to that steamer to-night. Will you do that?”
“You have to take me in that sloop to that steamer tonight. Will you do that?”
“Perhaps—” Mateo shrugged a suggestive shoulder. Mrs. Conant took a handful of money from a drawer and gave it to him.
“Maybe—” Mateo shrugged a hinting shoulder. Mrs. Conant grabbed a handful of cash from a drawer and handed it to him.
“Get the sloop ready behind the little point of land below the town,” she ordered. “Get sailors, and be ready to sail at six o’clock. In half an hour bring a cart partly filled with straw into the patio here, and take my trunk to the sloop. There is more money yet. Now, hurry.”
“Get the sloop ready behind the small point of land below the town,” she ordered. “Gather the sailors, and be ready to sail at six o’clock. In half an hour, bring a cart partially filled with straw into the patio here, and take my trunk to the sloop. There’s more money available. Now, hurry.”
For one time Mateo walked away without shuffling his feet.
For once, Mateo walked away without dragging his feet.
“Angela,” cried Mrs. Conant, almost fiercely, “come and help me pack. I am going away. Out with this trunk. My clothes first. Stir yourself. Those dark dresses first. Hurry.”
“Angela,” shouted Mrs. Conant, almost angrily, “come help me pack. I'm leaving. Get this trunk out. My clothes first. Move it. Those dark dresses first. Hurry up.”
From the first she did not waver from her decision. Her view was clear and final. Her door had opened and let the world in. Her love for Merriam was not lessened; but it now appeared a hopeless and unrealizable thing. The visions of their future that had seemed so blissful and complete had vanished. She tried to assure herself that her renunciation was rather for his sake than for her own. Now that she was cleared of her burden—at least, technically—would not his own weigh too heavily upon him? If she should cling to him, would not the difference forever silently mar and corrode their happiness? Thus she reasoned; but there were a thousand little voices calling to her that she could feel rather than hear, like the hum of distant, powerful machinery—the little voices of the world, that, when raised in unison, can send their insistent call through the thickest door.
From the start, she didn’t waver in her decision. Her perspective was clear and final. Her door had opened and let the world in. Her love for Merriam wasn’t diminished; but now it seemed hopeless and unattainable. The visions of their future that had once felt so blissful and complete had disappeared. She tried to convince herself that her choice was more for his sake than her own. Now that she was free of her burden—at least, technically—wouldn’t his own weigh too heavily on him? If she held onto him, wouldn’t the difference silently ruin their happiness forever? She reasoned this; but there were a thousand little voices calling to her that she felt more than heard, like the hum of distant, powerful machinery—the little voices of the world, which, when raised together, can send their persistent call through the thickest door.
Once while packing, a brief shadow of the lotus dream came back to her. She held Merriam’s picture to her heart with one hand, while she threw a pair of shoes into the trunk with her other.
Once while packing, a fleeting memory of the lotus dream returned to her. She pressed Merriam’s picture to her heart with one hand while tossing a pair of shoes into the trunk with the other.
At six o’clock Mateo returned and reported the sloop ready. He and his brother lifted the trunk into the cart, covered it with straw and conveyed it to the point of embarkation. From there they transferred it on board in the sloop’s dory. Then Mateo returned for additional orders.
At six o'clock, Mateo came back and said the sloop was ready. He and his brother lifted the trunk into the cart, covered it with straw, and took it to the embarkation point. From there, they moved it onto the sloop's dory. Then Mateo went back for more instructions.
Mrs. Conant was ready. She had settled all business matters with Angela, and was impatiently waiting. She wore a long, loose black-silk duster that she often walked about in when the evenings were chilly. On her head was a small round hat, and over it the apricot-coloured lace mantilla.
Mrs. Conant was ready. She had wrapped up all the business details with Angela and was eagerly waiting. She wore a long, loose black silk duster that she often walked around in when the evenings were cool. On her head was a small round hat, and draped over it was an apricot-colored lace mantilla.
Dusk had quickly followed the short twilight. Mateo led her by dark and grass-grown streets toward the point behind which the sloop was anchored. On turning a corner they beheld the Hotel Orilla del Mar three streets away, nebulously aglow with its array of kerosene lamps.
Dusk had quickly come after the brief twilight. Mateo guided her along dark streets overgrown with grass toward the spot where the sloop was anchored. As they turned a corner, they saw the Hotel Orilla del Mar three streets away, faintly glowing with its collection of kerosene lamps.
Mrs. Conant paused, with streaming eyes. “I must, I must see him once before I go,” she murmured in anguish. But even then she did not falter in her decision. Quickly she invented a plan by which she might speak to him, and yet make her departure without his knowing. She would walk past the hotel, ask some one to call him out and talk a few moments on some trivial excuse, leaving him expecting to see her at her home at seven.
Mrs. Conant paused, tears streaming down her face. “I have to, I have to see him once before I leave,” she whispered in distress. But even then, she didn’t waver in her decision. She quickly came up with a plan to talk to him without him knowing she was leaving. She would walk past the hotel, ask someone to call him out, and have a quick chat about something insignificant, leaving him thinking he would see her at home at seven.
She unpinned her hat and gave it to Mateo. “Keep this, and wait here till I come,” she ordered. Then she draped the mantilla over her head as she usually did when walking after sunset, and went straight to the Orilla del Mar.
She took off her hat and handed it to Mateo. “Hold onto this, and stay here until I get back,” she said. Then she threw the mantilla over her head like she always did when walking after sunset and headed straight to the Orilla del Mar.
She was glad to see the bulky, white-clad figure of Tio Pancho standing alone on the gallery.
She was happy to see the large, white-clothed figure of Tio Pancho standing by himself on the porch.
“Tio Pancho,” she said, with a charming smile, “may I trouble you to ask Mr. Merriam to come out for just a few moments that I may speak with him?”
“Tio Pancho,” she said with a charming smile, “could you please ask Mr. Merriam to come out for a few moments so I can speak with him?”
Tio Pancho bowed as an elephant bows.
Tio Pancho bowed like an elephant.
“Buenas tardes, Señora Conant,” he said, as a cavalier talks. And then he went on, less at his ease:
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Conant,” he said, in a laid-back manner. And then he continued, less comfortably:
“But does not the señora know that Señor Merriam sailed on the Pajaro for Panama at three o’clock of this afternoon?”
“But doesn’t the lady know that Señor Merriam set sail for Panama on the Pajaro at three o’clock this afternoon?”
II
THE THEORY AND THE HOUND
Not many days ago my old friend from the tropics, J. P. Bridger, United States consul on the island of Ratona, was in the city. We had wassail and jubilee and saw the Flatiron building, and missed seeing the Bronxless menagerie by about a couple of nights. And then, at the ebb tide, we were walking up a street that parallels and parodies Broadway.
Not long ago, my old friend from the tropics, J. P. Bridger, the U.S. consul on the island of Ratona, was in the city. We celebrated with drinks and had a great time, saw the Flatiron Building, and just barely missed the Bronxless menagerie by a couple of nights. Then, as the tide was going out, we were walking up a street that runs alongside and imitates Broadway.
A woman with a comely and mundane countenance passed us, holding in leash a wheezing, vicious, waddling, brute of a yellow pug. The dog entangled himself with Bridger’s legs and mumbled his ankles in a snarling, peevish, sulky bite. Bridger, with a happy smile, kicked the breath out of the brute; the woman showered us with a quick rain of well-conceived adjectives that left us in no doubt as to our place in her opinion, and we passed on. Ten yards farther an old woman with disordered white hair and her bankbook tucked well hidden beneath her tattered shawl begged. Bridger stopped and disinterred for her a quarter from his holiday waistcoat.
A woman with a pretty yet ordinary face walked by us, holding onto a wheezing, mean, waddling yellow pug. The dog got tangled up with Bridger’s legs and nipped at his ankles with a snarl, being all whiny and grumpy. Bridger, smiling happily, kicked the dog hard enough to knock the wind out of it; the woman immediately bombarded us with a flurry of clever insults that made it clear how she felt about us, and we moved on. Just ten yards later, an old woman with messy white hair and her bankbook tucked away under her worn shawl was begging. Bridger stopped and dug out a quarter from his festive waistcoat for her.
On the next corner a quarter of a ton of well-clothed man with a rice-powdered, fat, white jowl, stood holding the chain of a devil-born bulldog whose forelegs were strangers by the length of a dachshund. A little woman in a last-season’s hat confronted him and wept, which was plainly all she could do, while he cursed her in low sweet, practised tones.
On the next corner, a hefty man dressed smartly, with a plump, white face covered in rice powder, stood holding the chain of a bulldog, born of the devil, whose front legs were about the length of a dachshund. A petite woman wearing a last-season hat faced him and cried, which was clearly all she could do, while he cursed her in smooth, practiced tones.
Bridger smiled again—strictly to himself—and this time he took out a little memorandum book and made a note of it. This he had no right to do without due explanation, and I said so.
Bridger smiled again—just to himself—and this time he took out a small notebook and made a note of it. He had no right to do this without a proper explanation, and I said so.
“It’s a new theory,” said Bridger, “that I picked up down in Ratona. I’ve been gathering support for it as I knock about. The world isn’t ripe for it yet, but—well I’ll tell you; and then you run your mind back along the people you’ve known and see what you make of it.”
“It’s a new theory,” Bridger said, “that I came across down in Ratona. I’ve been trying to get people on board with it as I go around. The world isn’t ready for it yet, but—well, I’ll tell you; and then you think back on the people you’ve known and see what you think of it.”
And so I cornered Bridger in a place where they have artificial palms and wine; and he told me the story which is here in my words and on his responsibility.
And so I cornered Bridger in a spot with fake palm trees and wine; he shared the story that's now in my words and on his own account.
One afternoon at three o’clock, on the island of Ratona, a boy raced along the beach screaming, “Pajaro, ahoy!”
One afternoon at three o'clock, on the island of Ratona, a boy ran along the beach yelling, "Pajaro, over here!"
Thus he made known the keenness of his hearing and the justice of his discrimination in pitch.
Thus he demonstrated his keen hearing and fair judgment of pitch.
He who first heard and made oral proclamation concerning the toot of an approaching steamer’s whistle, and correctly named the steamer, was a small hero in Ratona—until the next steamer came. Wherefore, there was rivalry among the barefoot youth of Ratona, and many fell victims to the softly blown conch shells of sloops which, as they enter harbour, sound surprisingly like a distant steamer’s signal. And some could name you the vessel when its call, in your duller ears, sounded no louder than the sigh of the wind through the branches of the cocoanut palms.
He who first heard and announced the sound of an approaching steamer’s whistle and correctly identified the steamer became a minor hero in Ratona—until the next steamer arrived. Because of this, there was competition among the barefoot kids of Ratona, and many got tricked by the softly blown conch shells of sloops that, as they entered the harbor, sounded surprisingly like a distant steamer’s signal. Some could identify the vessel even when its call, to your less attuned ears, sounded no louder than the whisper of the wind through the coconut palm branches.
But to-day he who proclaimed the Pajaro gained his honours. Ratona bent its ear to listen; and soon the deep-tongued blast grew louder and nearer, and at length Ratona saw above the line of palms on the low “point” the two black funnels of the fruiter slowly creeping toward the mouth of the harbour.
But today, the one who announced the Pajaro received his accolades. Ratona leaned in to listen, and soon the deep sound became louder and closer, and eventually, Ratona saw above the line of palm trees on the low “point” the two black smokestacks of the fruiter slowly making its way toward the entrance of the harbor.
You must know that Ratona is an island twenty miles off the south of a South American republic. It is a port of that republic; and it sleeps sweetly in a smiling sea, toiling not nor spinning; fed by the abundant tropics where all things “ripen, cease and fall toward the grave.”
You should know that Ratona is an island located twenty miles off the southern coast of a South American country. It's a port of that country, resting peacefully in a calm sea, not working or struggling; nourished by the lush tropics where everything “ripens, withers, and falls into decay.”
Eight hundred people dream life away in a green-embowered village that follows the horseshoe curve of its bijou harbour. They are mostly Spanish and Indian mestizos, with a shading of San Domingo Negroes, a lightening of pure-blood Spanish officials and a slight leavening of the froth of three or four pioneering white races. No steamers touch at Ratona save the fruit steamers which take on their banana inspectors there on their way to the coast. They leave Sunday newspapers, ice, quinine, bacon, watermelons and vaccine matter at the island and that is about all the touch Ratona gets with the world.
Eight hundred people spend their days dreaming in a green-filled village that hugs the horseshoe curve of its charming harbor. Most of them are Spanish and Indian mestizos, mixed with a few people of African descent from San Domingo, some pure-blood Spanish officials, and a touch of various pioneering white groups. No steamers dock at Ratona except for the fruit boats that pick up banana inspectors on their way to the coast. They deliver Sunday newspapers, ice, quinine, bacon, watermelons, and vaccine supplies to the island, and that's pretty much the entirety of Ratona's connection to the outside world.
The Pajaro paused at the mouth of the harbour, rolling heavily in the swell that sent the whitecaps racing beyond the smooth water inside. Already two dories from the village—one conveying fruit inspectors, the other going for what it could get—were halfway out to the steamer.
The Pajaro stopped at the entrance of the harbor, rocking heavily in the waves that sent the whitecaps rushing past the calm water inside. Already, two boats from the village—one carrying fruit inspectors and the other looking to gather whatever it could—were halfway out to the steamer.
The inspectors’ dory was taken on board with them, and the Pajaro steamed away for the mainland for its load of fruit.
The inspectors' boat was taken on board with them, and the Pajaro set off for the mainland to pick up its load of fruit.
The other boat returned to Ratona bearing a contribution from the Pajaro’s store of ice, the usual roll of newspapers and one passenger—Taylor Plunkett, sheriff of Chatham County, Kentucky.
The other boat came back to Ratona carrying a delivery from the Pajaro store of ice, the usual stack of newspapers, and one passenger—Taylor Plunkett, the sheriff of Chatham County, Kentucky.
Bridger, the United States consul at Ratona, was cleaning his rifle in the official shanty under a bread-fruit tree twenty yards from the water of the harbour. The consul occupied a place somewhat near the tail of his political party’s procession. The music of the band wagon sounded very faintly to him in the distance. The plums of office went to others. Bridger’s share of the spoils—the consulship at Ratona—was little more than a prune—a dried prune from the boarding-house department of the public crib. But $900 yearly was opulence in Ratona. Besides, Bridger had contracted a passion for shooting alligators in the lagoons near his consulate, and was not unhappy.
Bridger, the U.S. consul at Ratona, was cleaning his rifle in the official shack under a breadfruit tree twenty yards from the harbor. He was positioned somewhat near the back of his political party’s procession. The music from the bandwagon sounded very faintly in the distance. The top positions went to others. Bridger’s share of the rewards—the consulship at Ratona—was barely more than a dried prune from the boarding-house department of the public system. But $900 a year was considered wealth in Ratona. Plus, Bridger had developed a passion for shooting alligators in the lagoons near his consulate and wasn't unhappy.
He looked up from a careful inspection of his rifle lock and saw a broad man filling his doorway. A broad, noiseless, slow-moving man, sunburned almost to the brown of Vandyke. A man of forty-five, neatly clothed in homespun, with scanty light hair, a close-clipped brown-and-gray beard and pale-blue eyes expressing mildness and simplicity.
He looked up from closely checking his rifle and saw a stocky man standing in his doorway. A stocky, quiet, and slow-moving man, who was sunburned to nearly the color of Vandyke brown. A man around forty-five, dressed neatly in homespun, with thin light hair, a closely trimmed brown-and-gray beard, and pale blue eyes that showed gentleness and simplicity.
“You are Mr. Bridger, the consul,” said the broad man. “They directed me here. Can you tell me what those big bunches of things like gourds are in those trees that look like feather dusters along the edge of the water?”
“You're Mr. Bridger, the consul,” said the hefty man. “They sent me here. Can you tell me what those big clusters of things that look like gourds are in those trees that resemble feather dusters by the water’s edge?”
“Take that chair,” said the consul, reoiling his cleaning rag. “No, the other one—that bamboo thing won’t hold you. Why, they’re cocoanuts—green cocoanuts. The shell of ’em is always a light green before they’re ripe.”
“Take that chair,” said the consul, reapplying oil to his cleaning rag. “No, the other one—that bamboo one won’t support you. Look, they’re coconuts—green coconuts. The shell is always a light green before they’re ripe.”
“Much obliged,” said the other man, sitting down carefully. “I didn’t quite like to tell the folks at home they were olives unless I was sure about it. My name is Plunkett. I’m sheriff of Chatham County, Kentucky. I’ve got extradition papers in my pocket authorizing the arrest of a man on this island. They’ve been signed by the President of this country, and they’re in correct shape. The man’s name is Wade Williams. He’s in the cocoanut raising business. What he’s wanted for is the murder of his wife two years ago. Where can I find him?”
“Thanks a lot,” the other man said as he carefully took a seat. “I didn’t really want to tell the people back home they were olives unless I was certain. My name is Plunkett. I’m the sheriff of Chatham County, Kentucky. I have extradition papers in my pocket that authorize the arrest of a man on this island. They’ve been signed by the President of this country, and they’re all in order. The man’s name is Wade Williams. He’s in the coconut farming business. He’s wanted for the murder of his wife two years ago. Where can I find him?”
The consul squinted an eye and looked through his rifle barrel.
The consul squinted one eye and peered through his rifle barrel.
“There’s nobody on the island who calls himself ‘Williams,’” he remarked.
“There’s no one on the island who goes by ‘Williams,’” he said.
“Didn’t suppose there was,” said Plunkett mildly. “He’ll do by any other name.”
“Didn’t think there was,” Plunkett said casually. “He’ll work with any other name.”
“Besides myself,” said Bridger, “there are only two Americans on Ratona—Bob Reeves and Henry Morgan.”
“Besides me,” said Bridger, “there are only two Americans on Ratona—Bob Reeves and Henry Morgan.”
“The man I want sells cocoanuts,” suggested Plunkett.
“The guy I’m looking for sells coconuts,” said Plunkett.
“You see that cocoanut walk extending up to the point?” said the consul, waving his hand toward the open door. “That belongs to Bob Reeves. Henry Morgan owns half the trees to loo’ard on the island.”
“You see that coconut walk stretching up to the point?” said the consul, gesturing toward the open door. “That belongs to Bob Reeves. Henry Morgan owns half the trees over there on the island.”
“One, month ago,” said the sheriff, “Wade Williams wrote a confidential letter to a man in Chatham county, telling him where he was and how he was getting along. The letter was lost; and the person that found it gave it away. They sent me after him, and I’ve got the papers. I reckon he’s one of your cocoanut men for certain.”
“One month ago,” said the sheriff, “Wade Williams wrote a confidential letter to a guy in Chatham County, telling him where he was and how he was doing. The letter got lost, and the person who found it shared it. They sent me after him, and I’ve got the paperwork. I’m pretty sure he’s definitely one of your coconut guys.”
“You’ve got his picture, of course,” said Bridger. “It might be Reeves or Morgan, but I’d hate to think it. They’re both as fine fellows as you’d meet in an all-day auto ride.”
“You have his picture, right?” Bridger said. “It could be Reeves or Morgan, but I really hope not. They’re both great guys you’d want to spend all day driving with.”
“No,” doubtfully answered Plunkett; “there wasn’t any picture of Williams to be had. And I never saw him myself. I’ve been sheriff only a year. But I’ve got a pretty accurate description of him. About 5 feet 11; dark-hair and eyes; nose inclined to be Roman; heavy about the shoulders; strong, white teeth, with none missing; laughs a good deal, talkative; drinks considerably but never to intoxication; looks you square in the eye when talking; age thirty-five. Which one of your men does that description fit?”
“No,” Plunkett replied, looking uncertain. “There wasn’t any picture of Williams available. I’ve never seen him myself. I’ve only been sheriff for a year. But I have a pretty accurate description of him. He’s about 5 feet 11, with dark hair and eyes, a nose that leans toward Roman, broad shoulders, strong white teeth with none missing, laughs a lot, is quite talkative, drinks a fair amount but never gets drunk, and looks you straight in the eye when he talks. He’s around thirty-five. Which one of your men matches that description?”
The consul grinned broadly.
The consul smiled widely.
“I’ll tell you what you do,” he said, laying down his rifle and slipping on his dingy black alpaca coat. “You come along, Mr. Plunkett, and I’ll take you up to see the boys. If you can tell which one of ’em your description fits better than it does the other you have the advantage of me.”
“I'll tell you what you should do,” he said, putting down his rifle and putting on his worn black alpaca coat. “You come with me, Mr. Plunkett, and I'll take you to meet the guys. If you can figure out which one of them fits your description better than the others, you’ve got the upper hand over me.”
Bridger conducted the sheriff out and along the hard beach close to which the tiny houses of the village were distributed. Immediately back of the town rose sudden, small, thickly wooded hills. Up one of these, by means of steps cut in the hard clay, the consul led Plunkett. On the very verge of an eminence was perched a two-room wooden cottage with a thatched roof. A Carib woman was washing clothes outside. The consul ushered the sheriff to the door of the room that overlooked the harbour.
Bridger walked the sheriff out to the hard beach where the little houses of the village were scattered. Just behind the town, small, dense hills rose suddenly. The consul led Plunkett up one of these hills using steps carved into the hard clay. At the very edge of a high point sat a two-room wooden cottage with a thatched roof. A Carib woman was washing clothes outside. The consul showed the sheriff to the door of the room that faced the harbor.
Two men were in the room, about to sit down, in their shirt sleeves, to a table spread for dinner. They bore little resemblance one to the other in detail; but the general description given by Plunkett could have been justly applied to either. In height, colour of hair, shape of nose, build and manners each of them tallied with it. They were fair types of jovial, ready-witted, broad-gauged Americans who had gravitated together for companionship in an alien land.
Two men were in the room, about to sit down in their shirt sleeves at a table set for dinner. They didn't look much alike in detail, but the general description given by Plunkett could apply to either of them. In terms of height, hair color, nose shape, build, and manners, both matched the description. They were typical cheerful, quick-witted, open-minded Americans who had come together for companionship in a foreign land.
“Hello, Bridger” they called in unison at sight Of the consul. “Come and have dinner with us!” And then they noticed Plunkett at his heels, and came forward with hospitable curiosity.
“Hey, Bridger,” they said together when they saw the consul. “Join us for dinner!” Then they noticed Plunkett behind him and stepped forward with friendly curiosity.
“Gentlemen,” said the consul, his voice taking on unaccustomed formality, “this is Mr. Plunkett. Mr. Plunkett—Mr. Reeves and Mr. Morgan.”
“Gentlemen,” said the consul, his voice becoming unusually formal, “this is Mr. Plunkett. Mr. Plunkett—Mr. Reeves and Mr. Morgan.”
The cocoanut barons greeted the newcomer joyously. Reeves seemed about an inch taller than Morgan, but his laugh was not quite as loud. Morgan’s eyes were deep brown; Reeves’s were black. Reeves was the host and busied himself with fetching other chairs and calling to the Carib woman for supplemental table ware. It was explained that Morgan lived in a bamboo shack to “loo’ard,” but that every day the two friends dined together. Plunkett stood still during the preparations, looking about mildly with his pale-blue eyes. Bridger looked apologetic and uneasy.
The coconut barons welcomed the newcomer with joy. Reeves seemed to be about an inch taller than Morgan, but his laugh wasn't quite as loud. Morgan had deep brown eyes, while Reeves's were black. Reeves was the host and busied himself with getting more chairs and calling to the Carib woman for extra tableware. It was mentioned that Morgan lived in a bamboo shack "loo’ard," but that the two friends dined together every day. Plunkett stood still during the preparations, looking around mildly with his pale blue eyes. Bridger appeared apologetic and uneasy.
At length two other covers were laid and the company was assigned to places. Reeves and Morgan stood side by side across the table from the visitors. Reeves nodded genially as a signal for all to seat themselves. And then suddenly Plunkett raised his hand with a gesture of authority. He was looking straight between Reeves and Morgan.
At last, two more place settings were arranged, and everyone was given their seats. Reeves and Morgan stood side by side across the table from the guests. Reeves nodded warmly to signal that everyone should sit down. Then, unexpectedly, Plunkett raised his hand with an air of authority. He was staring directly between Reeves and Morgan.
“Wade Williams,” he said quietly, “you are under arrest for murder.”
“Wade Williams,” he said softly, “you are under arrest for murder.”
Reeves and Morgan instantly exchanged a quick, bright glance, the quality of which was interrogation, with a seasoning of surprise. Then, simultaneously they turned to the speaker with a puzzled and frank deprecation in their gaze.
Reeves and Morgan quickly exchanged a sharp, bright look that was both questioning and surprised. Then, at the same time, they turned to the speaker with a confused and straightforward look of disapproval in their eyes.
“Can’t say that we understand you, Mr. Plunkett,” said Morgan, cheerfully. “Did you say ‘Williams’?”
“Can’t say that we understand you, Mr. Plunkett,” Morgan said cheerfully. “Did you say ‘Williams’?”
“What’s the joke, Bridgy?” asked Reeves, turning, to the consul with a smile.
“What’s the joke, Bridgy?” asked Reeves, turning to the consul with a smile.
Before Bridger could answer Plunkett spoke again.
Before Bridger could reply, Plunkett spoke again.
“I’ll explain,” he said, quietly. “One of you don’t need any explanation, but this is for the other one. One of you is Wade Williams of Chatham County, Kentucky. You murdered your wife on May 5, two years ago, after ill-treating and abusing her continually for five years. I have the proper papers in my pocket for taking you back with me, and you are going. We will return on the fruit steamer that comes back by this island to-morrow to leave its inspectors. I acknowledge, gentlemen, that I’m not quite sure which one of you is Williams. But Wade Williams goes back to Chatham County to-morrow. I want you to understand that.”
“I'll explain,” he said quietly. “One of you doesn’t need any explanation, but this is for the other one. One of you is Wade Williams from Chatham County, Kentucky. You murdered your wife on May 5, two years ago, after mistreating and abusing her for five years. I have the appropriate paperwork in my pocket to take you back with me, and you are going. We will return on the fruit steamer that comes back by this island tomorrow to drop off its inspectors. I admit, gentlemen, that I’m not entirely sure which one of you is Williams. But Wade Williams is going back to Chatham County tomorrow. I want you to understand that.”
A great sound of merry laughter from Morgan and Reeves went out over the still harbour. Two or three fishermen in the fleet of sloops anchored there looked up at the house of the diablos Americanos on the hill and wondered.
A loud burst of cheerful laughter from Morgan and Reeves echoed over the calm harbor. A couple of fishermen in the fleet of sloops anchored there looked up at the house of the diablos Americanos on the hill and wondered.
“My dear Mr. Plunkett,” cried Morgan, conquering his mirth, “the dinner is getting, cold. Let us sit down and eat. I am anxious to get my spoon into that shark-fin soup. Business afterward.”
“My dear Mr. Plunkett,” exclaimed Morgan, stifling his laughter, “the dinner is getting cold. Let’s sit down and eat. I’m eager to dive into that shark-fin soup. We can handle business later.”
“Sit down, gentlemen, if you please,” added Reeves, pleasantly. “I am sure Mr. Plunkett will not object. Perhaps a little time may be of advantage to him in identifying—the gentleman he wishes to arrest.”
“Please, take a seat, gentlemen,” Reeves added with a friendly tone. “I’m sure Mr. Plunkett won’t mind. Maybe a little time will help him identify the person he wants to arrest.”
“No objections, I’m sure,” said Plunkett, dropping into his chair heavily. “I’m hungry myself. I didn’t want to accept the hospitality of you folks without giving you notice; that’s all.”
“No objections, I’m sure,” said Plunkett, sitting down heavily in his chair. “I’m hungry too. I didn’t want to take advantage of your hospitality without letting you know first; that’s all.”
Reeves set bottles and glasses on the table.
Reeves put bottles and glasses on the table.
“There’s cognac,” he said, “and anisada, and Scotch ‘smoke,’ and rye. Take your choice.”
“There’s cognac,” he said, “and anisette, and Scotch ‘smoke,’ and rye. Take your pick.”
Bridger chose rye, Reeves poured three fingers of Scotch for himself, Morgan took the same. The sheriff, against much protestation, filled his glass from the water bottle.
Bridger picked rye, Reeves poured himself three fingers of Scotch, and Morgan did the same. The sheriff, despite a lot of objections, filled his glass from the water bottle.
“Here’s to the appetite,” said Reeves, raising his glass, “of Mr. Williams!” Morgan’s laugh and his drink encountering sent him into a choking splutter. All began to pay attention to the dinner, which was well cooked and palatable.
“Here’s to the appetite,” said Reeves, raising his glass, “of Mr. Williams!” Morgan’s laugh mixed with his drink made him choke and splutter. Everyone started to focus on the dinner, which was delicious and enjoyable.
“Williams!” called Plunkett, suddenly and sharply.
“Williams!” shouted Plunkett, suddenly and sharply.
All looked up wonderingly. Reeves found the sheriff’s mild eye resting upon him. He flushed a little.
All looked up in wonder. Reeves noticed the sheriff’s gentle gaze on him. He felt a bit embarrassed.
“See here,” he said, with some asperity, “my name’s Reeves, and I don’t want you to—” But the comedy of the thing came to his rescue, and he ended with a laugh.
“Look,” he said, with a bit of irritation, “my name’s Reeves, and I don’t want you to—” But the humor of the situation saved him, and he finished with a laugh.
“I suppose, Mr. Plunkett,” said Morgan, carefully seasoning an alligator pear, “that you are aware of the fact that you will import a good deal of trouble for yourself into Kentucky if you take back the wrong man—that is, of course, if you take anybody back?”
“I guess, Mr. Plunkett,” said Morgan, carefully seasoning an avocado, “that you know you’ll be bringing a lot of trouble for yourself into Kentucky if you take back the wrong person—that is, of course, if you’re taking anyone back?”
“Thank you for the salt,” said the sheriff. “Oh, I’ll take somebody back. It’ll be one of you two gentlemen. Yes, I know I’d get stuck for damages if I make a mistake. But I’m going to try to get the right man.”
“Thanks for the salt,” said the sheriff. “Oh, I’ll take someone back. It’ll be one of you two guys. Yeah, I know I’d be responsible for damages if I mess up. But I’m going to try to get the right person.”
“I’ll tell you what you do,” said Morgan, leaning forward with a jolly twinkle in his eyes. “You take me. I’ll go without any trouble. The cocoanut business hasn’t panned out well this year, and I’d like to make some extra money out of your bondsmen.”
“I’ll tell you what you should do,” said Morgan, leaning forward with a cheerful sparkle in his eyes. “Take me. I’ll go without any fuss. The coconut business hasn’t been great this year, and I’d like to make some extra cash from your bondsmen.”
“That’s not fair,” chimed in Reeves. “I got only $16 a thousand for my last shipment. Take me, Mr. Plunkett.”
"That's not fair," chimed in Reeves. "I only got $16 per thousand for my last shipment. Take me, Mr. Plunkett."
“I’ll take Wade Williams,” said the sheriff, patiently, “or I’ll come pretty close to it.”
“I’ll take Wade Williams,” said the sheriff, patiently, “or I’ll get pretty close to it.”
“It’s like dining with a ghost,” remarked Morgan, with a pretended shiver. “The ghost of a murderer, too! Will somebody pass the toothpicks to the shade of the naughty Mr. Williams?”
“It’s like having dinner with a ghost,” Morgan said, pretending to shiver. “The ghost of a murderer, no less! Can someone pass the toothpicks to the spirit of the mischievous Mr. Williams?”
Plunkett seemed as unconcerned as if he were dining at his own table in Chatham County. He was a gallant trencherman, and the strange tropic viands tickled his palate. Heavy, commonplace, almost slothful in his movements, he appeared to be devoid of all the cunning and watchfulness of the sleuth. He even ceased to observe, with any sharpness or attempted discrimination, the two men, one of whom he had undertaken with surprising self-confidence, to drag away upon the serious charge of wife-murder. Here, indeed, was a problem set before him that if wrongly solved would have amounted to his serious discomfiture, yet there he sat puzzling his soul (to all appearances) over the novel flavour of a broiled iguana cutlet.
Plunkett seemed as relaxed as if he were eating at his own table in Chatham County. He was a hearty eater, and the unusual tropical dishes delighted his taste buds. Heavy, ordinary, and almost sluggish in his movements, he looked completely lacking in the cunning and alertness of a detective. He even stopped paying close attention to the two men, one of whom he had boldly decided to accuse of the serious crime of murdering his wife. Here was a dilemma that, if he mishandled it, could lead to serious trouble for him, yet he sat there apparently lost in thought over the unique flavor of a grilled iguana cutlet.
The consul felt a decided discomfort. Reeves and Morgan were his friends and pals; yet the sheriff from Kentucky had a certain right to his official aid and moral support. So Bridger sat the silentest around the board and tried to estimate the peculiar situation. His conclusion was that both Reeves and Morgan, quickwitted, as he knew them to be, had conceived at the moment of Plunkett’s disclosure of his mission—and in the brief space of a lightning flash—the idea that the other might be the guilty Williams; and that each of them had decided in that moment loyally to protect his comrade against the doom that threatened him. This was the consul’s theory and if he had been a bookmaker at a race of wits for life and liberty he would have offered heavy odds against the plodding sheriff from Chatham County, Kentucky.
The consul felt a definite discomfort. Reeves and Morgan were his friends and buddies; but the sheriff from Kentucky had a right to his official assistance and moral support. So Bridger sat in silence around the table and tried to gauge the unusual situation. He concluded that both Reeves and Morgan, being as sharp as he knew them to be, had in an instant of Plunkett’s revelation of his mission—the briefest flash—considered the possibility that the other might be the guilty Williams; and each of them had chosen in that moment to loyally protect his friend from the threat he faced. This was the consul’s theory, and if he were betting on a contest of wits for life and liberty, he would have put heavy odds against the slow-moving sheriff from Chatham County, Kentucky.
When the meal was concluded the Carib woman came and removed the dishes and cloth. Reeves strewed the table with excellent cigars, and Plunkett, with the others, lighted one of these with evident gratification.
When the meal was over, the Carib woman came and took away the dishes and tablecloth. Reeves spread the table with great cigars, and Plunkett, along with the others, happily lit one of them.
“I may be dull,” said Morgan, with a grin and a wink at Bridger; “but I want to know if I am. Now, I say this is all a joke of Mr. Plunkett’s, concocted to frighten two babes-in-the-woods. Is this Williamson to be taken seriously or not?”
“I might be boring,” said Morgan, grinning and winking at Bridger; “but I want to know if I really am. Now, I think this is just a prank by Mr. Plunkett, made to scare two clueless newbies. Should we take Williamson seriously or not?”
“‘Williams,’” corrected Plunkett gravely. “I never got off any jokes in my life. I know I wouldn’t travel 2,000 miles to get off a poor one as this would be if I didn’t take Wade Williams back with me. Gentlemen!” continued the sheriff, now letting his mild eyes travel impartially from one of the company to another, “see if you can find any joke in this case. Wade Williams is listening to the words I utter now; but out of politeness, I will speak of him as a third person. For five years he made his wife lead the life of a dog—No; I’ll take that back. No dog in Kentucky was ever treated as she was. He spent the money that she brought him—spent it at races, at the card table and on horses and hunting. He was a good fellow to his friends, but a cold, sullen demon at home. He wound up the five years of neglect by striking her with his closed hand—a hand as hard as a stone—when she was ill and weak from suffering. She died the next day; and he skipped. That’s all there is to it. It’s enough. I never saw Williams; but I knew his wife. I’m not a man to tell half. She and I were keeping company when she met him. She went to Louisville on a visit and saw him there. I’ll admit that he spoilt my chances in no time. I lived then on the edge of the Cumberland mountains. I was elected sheriff of Chatham County a year after Wade Williams killed his wife. My official duty sends me out here after him; but I’ll admit that there’s personal feeling, too. And he’s going back with me. Mr.—er—Reeves, will you pass me a match?
“‘Williams,’” Plunkett corrected seriously. “I’ve never cracked a joke in my life. I wouldn’t travel 2,000 miles just to share a bad one like this unless I was bringing Wade Williams back with me. Gentlemen!” the sheriff continued, now letting his calm gaze move around the group. “See if you can find any humor in this situation. Wade Williams is listening to everything I’m saying, but out of politeness, I’ll refer to him in the third person. For five years, he made his wife live a miserable life—No; I’ll take that back. No dog in Kentucky was ever treated the way she was. He squandered the money she earned—wasting it at races, on gambling, and with horses and hunting. He was a great guy to his friends, but a cold, sullen monster at home. He capped off five years of neglect by hitting her with his fist—a fist as hard as a rock—while she was sick and weak from suffering. She died the next day; and he ran away. That’s the whole story. It’s enough. I never met Williams, but I knew his wife. I’m not one to give half the truth. She and I were dating when she met him. She went to Louisville for a visit and saw him there. I’ll admit he ruined my chances in no time. I was living on the outskirts of the Cumberland mountains. I was elected sheriff of Chatham County a year after Wade Williams killed his wife. My official duty brings me out here after him, but I’ll admit there's some personal feeling in it as well. And he’s going back with me. Mr.—er—Reeves, could you hand me a match?
“Awfully imprudent of Williams,” said Morgan, putting his feet up against the wall, “to strike a Kentucky lady. Seems to me I’ve heard they were scrappers.”
“Really reckless of Williams,” said Morgan, putting his feet up against the wall, “to hit a Kentucky lady. I’ve heard they can really throw down.”
“Bad, bad Williams,” said Reeves, pouring out more Scotch.
“Bad, bad Williams,” said Reeves, pouring more Scotch.
The two men spoke lightly, but the consul saw and felt the tension and the carefulness in their actions and words. “Good old fellows,” he said to himself; “they’re both all right. Each of ’em is standing by the other like a little brick church.”
The two men chatted casually, but the consul noticed the tension and caution in their actions and words. “Good old guys,” he thought to himself; “they're both solid. Each of them is supporting the other like a sturdy little brick church.”
And then a dog walked into the room where they sat—a black-and-tan hound, long-eared, lazy, confident of welcome.
And then a dog walked into the room where they were sitting—a black-and-tan hound, with long ears, lazy and confidently expecting a warm welcome.
Plunkett turned his head and looked at the animal, which halted, confidently, within a few feet of his chair.
Plunkett turned his head and looked at the animal, which stopped, confidently, just a few feet away from his chair.
Suddenly the sheriff, with a deep-mouthed oath, left his seat and, bestowed upon the dog a vicious and heavy kick, with his ponderous shoe.
Suddenly, the sheriff let out a loud curse, got up from his seat, and kicked the dog hard with his heavy boot.
The hound, heartbroken, astonished, with flapping ears and incurved tail, uttered a piercing yelp of pain and surprise.
The dog, heartbroken and shocked, with floppy ears and a curled tail, let out a sharp yelp of pain and surprise.
Reeves and the consul remained in their chairs, saying nothing, but astonished at the unexpected show of intolerance from the easy-going man from Chatham county.
Reeves and the consul stayed in their seats, silent but shocked by the surprising display of intolerance from the laid-back guy from Chatham County.
But Morgan, with a suddenly purpling face, leaped, to his feet and raised a threatening arm above the guest.
But Morgan, with his face turning purple, jumped to his feet and raised a threatening arm over the guest.
“You—brute!” he shouted, passionately; “why did you do that?”
“You—animal!” he shouted, passionately; “why did you do that?”
Quickly the amenities returned, Plunkett muttered some indistinct apology and regained his seat. Morgan with a decided effort controlled his indignation and also returned to his chair.
Quickly, the amenities came back, Plunkett mumbled a vague apology, and took his seat again. Morgan, with considerable effort, managed his anger and also went back to his chair.
And then Plunkett with the spring of a tiger, leaped around the corner of the table and snapped handcuffs on the paralyzed Morgan’s wrists.
And then Plunkett, moving with the spring of a tiger, jumped around the corner of the table and snapped handcuffs onto the frozen Morgan’s wrists.
“Hound-lover and woman-killer!” he cried; “get ready to meet your God.”
“Dog lover and woman killer!” he shouted; “get ready to meet your God.”
When Bridger had finished I asked him:
When Bridger was done, I asked him:
“Did he get the right man?”
“Did he get the right guy?”
“He did,” said the Consul.
"He did," said the Consul.
“And how did he know?” I inquired, being in a kind of bewilderment.
“And how did he know?” I asked, feeling a bit confused.
“When he put Morgan in the dory,” answered Bridger, “the next day to take him aboard the Pajaro, this man Plunkett stopped to shake hands with me and I asked him the same question.”
“When he put Morgan in the dory,” Bridger replied, “the next day to take him aboard the Pajaro, this guy Plunkett stopped to shake my hand and I asked him the same question.”
“‘Mr. Bridger,’ said he, ‘I’m a Kentuckian, and I’ve seen a great deal of both men and animals. And I never yet saw a man that was overfond of horses and dogs but what was cruel to women.’”
“‘Mr. Bridger,’ he said, ‘I’m from Kentucky, and I’ve seen a lot of both people and animals. And I’ve never seen a man who was overly fond of horses and dogs who wasn’t also cruel to women.’”
III
THE HYPOTHESES OF FAILURE
Lawyer Gooch bestowed his undivided attention upon the engrossing arts of his profession. But one flight of fancy did he allow his mind to entertain. He was fond of likening his suite of office rooms to the bottom of a ship. The rooms were three in number, with a door opening from one to another. These doors could also be closed.
Lawyer Gooch focused entirely on the captivating aspects of his job. However, he allowed himself one whimsical thought: he liked to compare his office suite to the bottom of a ship. There were three rooms in total, with doors connecting each one. These doors could also be shut.
“Ships,” Lawyer Gooch would say, “are constructed for safety, with separate, water-tight compartments in their bottoms. If one compartment springs a leak it fills with water; but the good ship goes on unhurt. Were it not for the separating bulkheads one leak would sink the vessel. Now it often happens that while I am occupied with clients, other clients with conflicting interests call. With the assistance of Archibald—an office boy with a future—I cause the dangerous influx to be diverted into separate compartments, while I sound with my legal plummet the depth of each. If necessary, they may be baled into the hallway and permitted to escape by way of the stairs, which we may term the lee scuppers. Thus the good ship of business is kept afloat; whereas if the element that supports her were allowed to mingle freely in her hold we might be swamped—ha, ha, ha!”
“Ships,” Lawyer Gooch would say, “are built for safety, with separate, watertight compartments in their bottoms. If one compartment starts to leak, it fills with water, but the ship keeps sailing unharmed. Without those separating walls, one leak could sink the vessel. Often, while I'm busy with clients, other clients with conflicting interests show up. With the help of Archibald—an office boy with potential—I manage to redirect the incoming challenges into separate compartments while I assess the situation with my legal expertise. If needed, they can be funneled into the hallway and allowed to spill out through the stairs, which we can refer to as the escape routes. This way, the business ship stays afloat; if the issues were allowed to mix freely, we might be overwhelmed—ha, ha, ha!”
The law is dry. Good jokes are few. Surely it might be permitted Lawyer Gooch to mitigate the bore of briefs, the tedium of torts and the prosiness of processes with even so light a levy upon the good property of humour.
The law is dull. Good jokes are rare. Surely it’s reasonable for Lawyer Gooch to lighten the monotony of briefs, the boredom of torts, and the dryness of processes with even a small touch of humor.
Lawyer Gooch’s practice leaned largely to the settlement of marital infelicities. Did matrimony languish through complications, he mediated, soothed and arbitrated. Did it suffer from implications, he readjusted, defended and championed. Did it arrive at the extremity of duplications, he always got light sentences for his clients.
Lawyer Gooch’s practice mainly focused on resolving marital issues. When marriage faced complications, he mediated, calmed tensions, and settled disputes. When it dealt with implications, he adjusted, defended, and advocated. When it reached the point of betrayals, he consistently secured lenient sentences for his clients.
But not always was Lawyer Gooch the keen, armed, wily belligerent, ready with his two-edged sword to lop off the shackles of Hymen. He had been known to build up instead of demolishing, to reunite instead of severing, to lead erring and foolish ones back into the fold instead of scattering the flock. Often had he by his eloquent and moving appeals sent husband and wife, weeping, back into each other’s arms. Frequently he had coached childhood so successfully that, at the psychological moment (and at a given signal) the plaintive pipe of “Papa, won’t you tum home adain to me and muvver?” had won the day and upheld the pillars of a tottering home.
But Lawyer Gooch wasn’t always the sharp, cunning warrior, ready with his double-edged sword to cut the ties of marriage. He was also known to build bridges instead of breaking them, to bring people back together instead of tearing them apart, and to guide misguided and foolish individuals back into the community instead of scattering them. Many times, his heartfelt and persuasive appeals had sent husbands and wives, tearfully reunited, back into each other’s arms. He often coached children so effectively that, at just the right moment (and with a specific signal), their sorrowful plea of “Daddy, won’t you come home again to me and Mommy?” saved the day and upheld the shaky foundation of their family.
Unprejudiced persons admitted that Lawyer Gooch received as big fees from these reyoked clients as would have been paid him had the cases been contested in court. Prejudiced ones intimated that his fees were doubled, because the penitent couples always came back later for the divorce, anyhow.
Unbiased people acknowledged that Lawyer Gooch earned just as much from these canceled clients as he would have if the cases had gone to court. Biased individuals suggested that his fees were doubled since the remorseful couples always returned later for the divorce, regardless.
There came a season in June when the legal ship of Lawyer Gooch (to borrow his own figure) was nearly becalmed. The divorce mill grinds slowly in June. It is the month of Cupid and Hymen.
There was a time in June when Lawyer Gooch's legal ship (to use his own analogy) was almost at a standstill. The divorce process moves slowly in June. It's the month of love and marriage.
Lawyer Gooch, then, sat idle in the middle room of his clientless suite. A small anteroom connected—or rather separated—this apartment from the hallway. Here was stationed Archibald, who wrested from visitors their cards or oral nomenclature which he bore to his master while they waited.
Lawyer Gooch sat idle in the middle room of his empty office. A small anteroom connected—or rather separated—this space from the hallway. Here was Archibald, who took visitors' business cards or names to his boss while they waited.
Suddenly, on this day, there came a great knocking at the outermost door.
Suddenly, on this day, there was a loud knocking at the outermost door.
Archibald, opening it, was thrust aside as superfluous by the visitor, who without due reverence at once penetrated to the office of Lawyer Gooch and threw himself with good-natured insolence into a comfortable chair facing that gentlemen.
Archibald, opening the door, was pushed aside as unnecessary by the visitor, who, without any proper greeting, walked straight into Lawyer Gooch's office and casually took a seat in a comfortable chair facing him.
“You are Phineas C. Gooch, attorney-at-law?” said the visitor, his tone of voice and inflection making his words at once a question, an assertion and an accusation.
“You're Phineas C. Gooch, attorney-at-law?” said the visitor, his tone and inflection making his words a question, a statement, and an accusation all at once.
Before committing himself by a reply, the lawyer estimated his possible client in one of his brief but shrewd and calculating glances.
Before responding, the lawyer assessed his prospective client with one of his quick, sharp, and strategic looks.
The man was of the emphatic type—large-sized, active, bold and debonair in demeanour, vain beyond a doubt, slightly swaggering, ready and at ease. He was well-clothed, but with a shade too much ornateness. He was seeking a lawyer; but if that fact would seem to saddle him with troubles they were not patent in his beaming eye and courageous air.
The man was the assertive type—big, energetic, confident, and charming in his manner, undoubtedly vain, a bit showy, and relaxed. He was well-dressed, though perhaps a bit too flashy. He was looking for a lawyer, but if that made him seem burdened by problems, it didn’t show in his bright eyes and bold demeanor.
“My name is Gooch,” at length the lawyer admitted. Upon pressure he would also have confessed to the Phineas C. But he did not consider it good practice to volunteer information. “I did not receive your card,” he continued, by way of rebuke, “so I—”
“My name is Gooch,” the lawyer finally admitted. If pushed, he would have also revealed the Phineas C. But he didn’t think it was wise to give out extra info. “I didn’t get your card,” he said, as a way to push back, “so I—”
“I know you didn’t,” remarked the visitor, coolly; “And you won’t just yet. Light up?” He threw a leg over an arm of his chair, and tossed a handful of rich-hued cigars upon the table. Lawyer Gooch knew the brand. He thawed just enough to accept the invitation to smoke.
“I know you didn’t,” the visitor said casually. “And you won’t for a while. Want to light up?” He swung a leg over the arm of his chair and tossed a handful of colorful cigars onto the table. Lawyer Gooch recognized the brand. He warmed up just enough to accept the offer to smoke.
“You are a divorce lawyer,” said the cardless visitor. This time there was no interrogation in his voice. Nor did his words constitute a simple assertion. They formed a charge—a denunciation—as one would say to a dog: “You are a dog.” Lawyer Gooch was silent under the imputation.
“You're a divorce lawyer,” said the visitor without a card. This time, there was no questioning in his tone. Nor were his words just a straightforward statement. They felt like an accusation—a condemnation—like saying to a dog: “You’re a dog.” Lawyer Gooch remained silent in response to the implication.
“You handle,” continued the visitor, “all the various ramifications of busted-up connubiality. You are a surgeon, we might say, who extracts Cupid’s darts when he shoots ’em into the wrong parties. You furnish patent, incandescent lights for premises where the torch of Hymen has burned so low you can’t light a cigar at it. Am I right, Mr. Gooch?”
“You deal with,” the visitor went on, “all the different aspects of broken relationships. You’re like a surgeon who removes Cupid’s arrows when they hit the wrong people. You provide bright, reliable lights for places where the flame of marriage has burned so low you can’t even light a cigar with it. Am I right, Mr. Gooch?”
“I have undertaken cases,” said the lawyer, guardedly, “in the line to which your figurative speech seems to refer. Do you wish to consult me professionally, Mr. ––––” The lawyer paused, with significance.
“I have taken on cases,” said the lawyer cautiously, “related to the matter your figurative speech seems to indicate. Do you want to consult me professionally, Mr. ––––” The lawyer paused, with importance.
“Not yet,” said the other, with an arch wave of his cigar, “not just yet. Let us approach the subject with the caution that should have been used in the original act that makes this pow-wow necessary. There exists a matrimonial jumble to be straightened out. But before I give you names I want your honest—well, anyhow, your professional opinion on the merits of the mix-up. I want you to size up the catastrophe—abstractly—you understand? I’m Mr. Nobody; and I’ve got a story to tell you. Then you say what’s what. Do you get my wireless?”
“Not yet,” said the other, waving his cigar playfully. “Not right now. Let’s talk about this with the caution that should have been applied in the initial situation that led to this meeting. There’s a marital mess to sort out. But before I give you any names, I want your honest—well, at least your professional opinion on the situation. I need you to evaluate the disaster—abstractly—you know what I mean? I’m just Mr. Nobody, and I’ve got a story to share. Then you can tell me what’s what. Do you understand what I’m getting at?”
“You want to state a hypothetical case?” suggested Lawyer Gooch.
“You want to present a hypothetical situation?” asked Lawyer Gooch.
“That’s the word I was after. ‘Apothecary’ was the best shot I could make at it in my mind. The hypothetical goes. I’ll state the case. Suppose there’s a woman—a deuced fine-looking woman—who has run away from her husband and home? She’s badly mashed on another man who went to her town to work up some real estate business. Now, we may as well call this woman’s husband Thomas R. Billings, for that’s his name. I’m giving you straight tips on the cognomens. The Lothario chap is Henry K. Jessup. The Billingses lived in a little town called Susanville—a good many miles from here. Now, Jessup leaves Susanville two weeks ago. The next day Mrs. Billings follows him. She’s dead gone on this man Jessup; you can bet your law library on that.”
“That’s the word I was looking for. ‘Apothecary’ was the closest I could get in my mind. Here’s the scenario. Imagine there’s a woman—a really attractive woman—who has left her husband and home. She’s totally smitten with another guy who came to her town to get into some real estate business. Let’s just say this woman’s husband is Thomas R. Billings, because that’s his name. I’m being upfront about the names. The guy she’s into is Henry K. Jessup. The Billingses lived in a small town called Susanville—quite a distance from here. Now, Jessup left Susanville two weeks ago. The next day, Mrs. Billings follows him. She’s head over heels for this man Jessup; you can bet your entire law library on that.”
Lawyer Gooch’s client said this with such unctuous satisfaction that even the callous lawyer experienced a slight ripple of repulsion. He now saw clearly in his fatuous visitor the conceit of the lady-killer, the egoistic complacency of the successful trifler.
Lawyer Gooch’s client said this with such smug satisfaction that even the unfeeling lawyer felt a slight wave of disgust. He now clearly recognized in his foolish visitor the arrogance of a womanizer, the self-satisfied confidence of a successful flirt.
“Now,” continued the visitor, “suppose this Mrs. Billings wasn’t happy at home? We’ll say she and her husband didn’t gee worth a cent. They’ve got incompatibility to burn. The things she likes, Billings wouldn’t have as a gift with trading-stamps. It’s Tabby and Rover with them all the time. She’s an educated woman in science and culture, and she reads things out loud at meetings. Billings is not on. He don’t appreciate progress and obelisks and ethics, and things of that sort. Old Billings is simply a blink when it comes to such things. The lady is out and out above his class. Now, lawyer, don’t it look like a fair equalization of rights and wrongs that a woman like that should be allowed to throw down Billings and take the man that can appreciate her?
“Now,” the visitor continued, “let’s say this Mrs. Billings wasn’t happy at home. We’ll assume she and her husband just don't get along at all. They've got major incompatibility issues. The things she enjoys, Billings wouldn't accept even if they were given to him for free. It's always about their pets, Tabby and Rover. She’s an educated woman in science and culture, and she reads things aloud at meetings. Billings is just not on the same wavelength. He doesn’t appreciate progress, monuments, ethics, and things like that. Old Billings is totally clueless when it comes to such matters. The lady is definitely in a different league. Now, lawyer, doesn’t it seem fair that a woman like her should be able to leave Billings and find a man who can truly appreciate her?
“Incompatibility,” said Lawyer Gooch, “is undoubtedly the source of much marital discord and unhappiness. Where it is positively proved, divorce would seem to be the equitable remedy. Are you—excuse me—is this man Jessup one to whom the lady may safely trust her future?”
“Incompatibility,” said Lawyer Gooch, “is definitely the root of a lot of marital conflict and unhappiness. When it's clearly established, divorce seems like the fair solution. Are you—sorry—can this man Jessup be someone the lady can confidently trust with her future?”
“Oh, you can bet on Jessup,” said the client, with a confident wag of his head. “Jessup’s all right. He’ll do the square thing. Why, he left Susanville just to keep people from talking about Mrs. Billings. But she followed him up, and now, of course, he’ll stick to her. When she gets a divorce, all legal and proper, Jessup will do the proper thing.”
“Oh, you can trust Jessup,” said the client, nodding confidently. “Jessup’s a good guy. He’ll do the right thing. He even left Susanville to avoid gossip about Mrs. Billings. But she followed him, so now he’s committed to her. Once she gets a legal divorce, Jessup will handle it the right way.”
“And now,” said Lawyer Gooch, “continuing the hypothesis, if you prefer, and supposing that my services should be desired in the case, what—”
“And now,” said Lawyer Gooch, “continuing with the assumption, if that works for you, and if you were to need my services in this case, what—”
The client rose impulsively to his feet.
The client jumped up suddenly.
“Oh, dang the hypothetical business,” he exclaimed, impatiently. “Let’s let her drop, and get down to straight talk. You ought to know who I am by this time. I want that woman to have her divorce. I’ll pay for it. The day you set Mrs. Billings free I’ll pay you five hundred dollars.”
“Oh, forget the hypothetical stuff,” he exclaimed, impatiently. “Let’s drop that and get to the point. By now, you should know who I am. I want that woman to get her divorce. I’ll pay for it. The day you set Mrs. Billings free, I’ll give you five hundred dollars.”
Lawyer Gooch’s client banged his fist upon the table to punctuate his generosity.
Lawyer Gooch's client slammed his fist on the table to emphasize his generosity.
“If that is the case—” began the lawyer.
“If that’s the case—” began the lawyer.
“Lady to see you, sir,” bawled Archibald, bouncing in from his anteroom. He had orders to always announce immediately any client that might come. There was no sense in turning business away.
“Lady to see you, sir,” shouted Archibald, bouncing in from his anteroom. He was instructed to always announce any client that arrived right away. There was no point in turning down business.
Lawyer Gooch took client number one by the arm and led him suavely into one of the adjoining rooms. “Favour me by remaining here a few minutes, sir,” said he. “I will return and resume our consultation with the least possible delay. I am rather expecting a visit from a very wealthy old lady in connection with a will. I will not keep you waiting long.”
Lawyer Gooch took client number one by the arm and smoothly led him into one of the adjoining rooms. “Please stay here for a few minutes, sir,” he said. “I’ll be back shortly to continue our discussion. I’m actually expecting a visit from a very wealthy elderly lady regarding a will. I won’t keep you waiting long.”
The breezy gentleman seated himself with obliging acquiescence, and took up a magazine. The lawyer returned to the middle office, carefully closing behind him the connecting door.
The easygoing gentleman settled in willingly and picked up a magazine. The lawyer went back to the middle office, making sure to close the connecting door behind him.
“Show the lady in, Archibald,” he said to the office boy, who was awaiting the order.
“Show the lady in, Archibald,” he told the office boy, who was waiting for the instruction.
A tall lady, of commanding presence and sternly handsome, entered the room. She wore robes—robes; not clothes—ample and fluent. In her eye could be perceived the lambent flame of genius and soul. In her hand was a green bag of the capacity of a bushel, and an umbrella that also seemed to wear a robe, ample and fluent. She accepted a chair.
A tall woman, with a strong presence and striking looks, walked into the room. She was dressed in robes—robes; not regular clothes—flowing and generous. In her eyes shone a bright spark of intelligence and spirit. In her hand, she carried a large green bag, about the size of a bushel, and an umbrella that also appeared to be draped in fabric, flowing and generous. She took a seat.
“Are you Mr. Phineas C. Gooch, the lawyer?” she asked, in formal and unconciliatory tones.
“Are you Mr. Phineas C. Gooch, the lawyer?” she asked, in formal and unyielding tones.
“I am,” answered Lawyer Gooch, without circumlocution. He never circumlocuted when dealing with a woman. Women circumlocute. Time is wasted when both sides in debate employ the same tactics.
“I am,” replied Lawyer Gooch, without beating around the bush. He never beat around the bush when talking to a woman. Women tend to do that. Time is wasted when both sides in a debate use the same tactics.
“As a lawyer, sir,” began the lady, “you may have acquired some knowledge of the human heart. Do you believe that the pusillanimous and petty conventions of our artificial social life should stand as an obstacle in the way of a noble and affectionate heart when it finds its true mate among the miserable and worthless wretches in the world that are called men?”
“As a lawyer, sir,” the lady began, “you might have gained some understanding of the human heart. Do you think that the cowardly and trivial rules of our fake social life should prevent a noble and loving heart from connecting with its true match among the miserable and worthless men in the world?”
“Madam,” said Lawyer Gooch, in the tone that he used in curbing his female clients, “this is an office for conducting the practice of law. I am a lawyer, not a philosopher, nor the editor of an ‘Answers to the Lovelorn’ column of a newspaper. I have other clients waiting. I will ask you kindly to come to the point.”
“Ma’am,” said Lawyer Gooch, in the tone he used to keep his female clients in check, “this is a law office. I’m a lawyer, not a philosopher, and certainly not the person who runs an ‘Advice for Heartbroken’ column in a magazine. I have other clients waiting. Please get to the point.”
“Well, you needn’t get so stiff around the gills about it,” said the lady, with a snap of her luminous eyes and a startling gyration of her umbrella. “Business is what I’ve come for. I want your opinion in the matter of a suit for divorce, as the vulgar would call it, but which is really only the readjustment of the false and ignoble conditions that the short-sighted laws of man have interposed between a loving—”
“Well, you don’t have to act so uptight about it,” said the lady, with a flash of her bright eyes and a sudden twirl of her umbrella. “I’m here for business. I want your advice on getting a divorce, as people usually say, but it’s really just fixing the unfair and unworthy situations that the shortsighted laws of man have put between two people who love each other—”
“I beg your pardon, madam,” interrupted Lawyer Gooch, with some impatience, “for reminding you again that this is a law office. Perhaps Mrs. Wilcox—”
“I’m sorry to interrupt, ma'am,” said Lawyer Gooch, a bit impatiently, “but I need to remind you again that this is a law office. Maybe Mrs. Wilcox—”
“Mrs. Wilcox is all right,” cut in the lady, with a hint of asperity. “And so are Tolstoi, and Mrs. Gertrude Atherton, and Omar Khayyam, and Mr. Edward Bok. I’ve read ’em all. I would like to discuss with you the divine right of the soul as opposed to the freedom-destroying restrictions of a bigoted and narrow-minded society. But I will proceed to business. I would prefer to lay the matter before you in an impersonal way until you pass upon its merits. That is to describe it as a supposable instance, without—”
“Mrs. Wilcox is fine,” the woman interrupted, a bit sharply. “And so are Tolstoy, Mrs. Gertrude Atherton, Omar Khayyam, and Mr. Edward Bok. I’ve read them all. I’d like to talk to you about the divine right of the soul versus the freedom-restricting limitations of a bigoted and narrow-minded society. But let’s get down to business. I’d rather present the issue in an impersonal way until you judge its merits. That means I'll describe it as a hypothetical situation, without—”
“You wish to state a hypothetical case?” said Lawyer Gooch.
“You want to present a hypothetical situation?” Lawyer Gooch asked.
“I was going to say that,” said the lady, sharply. “Now, suppose there is a woman who is all soul and heart and aspirations for a complete existence. This woman has a husband who is far below her in intellect, in taste—in everything. Bah! he is a brute. He despises literature. He sneers at the lofty thoughts of the world’s great thinkers. He thinks only of real estate and such sordid things. He is no mate for a woman with soul. We will say that this unfortunate wife one day meets with her ideal—a man with brain and heart and force. She loves him. Although this man feels the thrill of a new-found affinity he is too noble, too honourable to declare himself. He flies from the presence of his beloved. She flies after him, trampling, with superb indifference, upon the fetters with which an unenlightened social system would bind her. Now, what will a divorce cost? Eliza Ann Timmins, the poetess of Sycamore Gap, got one for three hundred and forty dollars. Can I—I mean can this lady I speak of get one that cheap?”
“I was going to say that,” the lady said sharply. “Now, suppose there’s a woman who is all soul, heart, and dreams for a complete life. This woman has a husband who is far below her in intellect, taste—in everything. Ugh! He’s a brute. He hates literature. He mocks the deep thoughts of the world’s great thinkers. He thinks only about real estate and other sordid things. He’s no match for a woman with soul. Let’s say this unfortunate wife one day meets her ideal—a man with brains, heart, and strength. She loves him. Even though this man feels the excitement of this new connection, he is too noble and honorable to confess his feelings. He runs from the presence of his beloved. She chases after him, boldly trampling on the chains that a backward social system would put on her. Now, how much will a divorce cost? Eliza Ann Timmins, the poetess from Sycamore Gap, got one for three hundred and forty dollars. Can I—I mean, can this lady I’m talking about get one that cheap?”
“Madam,” said Lawyer Gooch, “your last two or three sentences delight me with their intelligence and clearness. Can we not now abandon the hypothetical and come down to names and business?”
“Madam,” said Lawyer Gooch, “your last two or three sentences impress me with their intelligence and clarity. Can we not now set aside the hypothetical and get to names and business?”
“I should say so,” exclaimed the lady, adopting the practical with admirable readiness. “Thomas R. Billings is the name of the low brute who stands between the happiness of his legal—his legal, but not his spiritual—wife and Henry K. Jessup, the noble man whom nature intended for her mate. I,” concluded the client, with an air of dramatic revelation, “am Mrs. Billings!”
“I definitely should,” the lady said, jumping in with impressive quickness. “Thomas R. Billings is the name of the awful man who is blocking the happiness of his legal—his legal, but not his spiritual—wife and Henry K. Jessup, the wonderful man who was meant for her. I,” she finished, with a sense of dramatic revelation, “am Mrs. Billings!”
“Gentlemen to see you, sir,” shouted Archibald, invading the room almost at a handspring. Lawyer Gooch arose from his chair.
“Sir, there are gentlemen here to see you,” shouted Archibald, bursting into the room almost like a spring. Lawyer Gooch stood up from his chair.
“Mrs. Billings,” he said courteously, “allow me to conduct you into the adjoining office apartment for a few minutes. I am expecting a very wealthy old gentleman on business connected with a will. In a very short while I will join you, and continue our consultation.”
“Mrs. Billings,” he said politely, “let me take you into the next office for a few minutes. I'm expecting a very rich older gentleman about a will. I'll join you shortly so we can continue our discussion.”
With his accustomed chivalrous manner, Lawyer Gooch ushered his soulful client into the remaining unoccupied room, and came out, closing the door with circumspection.
With his usual courteous demeanor, Lawyer Gooch led his heartfelt client into the last available room and stepped out, closing the door carefully.
The next visitor introduced by Archibald was a thin, nervous, irritable-looking man of middle age, with a worried and apprehensive expression of countenance. He carried in one hand a small satchel, which he set down upon the floor beside the chair which the lawyer placed for him. His clothing was of good quality, but it was worn without regard to neatness or style, and appeared to be covered with the dust of travel.
The next visitor introduced by Archibald was a thin, anxious, irritable-looking middle-aged man, with a worried and uneasy expression. He held a small bag in one hand, which he placed on the floor next to the chair the lawyer set up for him. His clothes were of good quality, but they were worn without any attention to neatness or style, and seemed to be covered in travel dust.
“You make a specialty of divorce cases,” he said, in, an agitated but business-like tone.
“You focus on divorce cases,” he said, in an agitated but professional tone.
“I may say,” began Lawyer Gooch, “that my practice has not altogether avoided—”
“I can say,” started Lawyer Gooch, “that my practice hasn’t completely avoided—”
“I know you do,” interrupted client number three. “You needn’t tell me. I’ve heard all about you. I have a case to lay before you without necessarily disclosing any connection that I might have with it—that is—”
“I know you do,” interrupted client number three. “You don’t need to tell me. I’ve heard all about you. I have a case to present to you without necessarily revealing any connection I might have with it—that is—”
“You wish,” said Lawyer Gooch, “to state a hypothetical case.
“You want,” said Lawyer Gooch, “to present a hypothetical situation.
“You may call it that. I am a plain man of business. I will be as brief as possible. We will first take up hypothetical woman. We will say she is married uncongenially. In many ways she is a superior woman. Physically she is considered to be handsome. She is devoted to what she calls literature—poetry and prose, and such stuff. Her husband is a plain man in the business walks of life. Their home has not been happy, although the husband has tried to make it so. Some time ago a man—a stranger—came to the peaceful town in which they lived and engaged in some real estate operations. This woman met him, and became unaccountably infatuated with him. Her attentions became so open that the man felt the community to be no safe place for him, so he left it. She abandoned husband and home, and followed him. She forsook her home, where she was provided with every comfort, to follow this man who had inspired her with such a strange affection. Is there anything more to be deplored,” concluded the client, in a trembling voice, “than the wrecking of a home by a woman’s uncalculating folly?”
“You can call it that. I’m just a straightforward businessman. I’ll keep it as brief as I can. Let’s first discuss a hypothetical woman. Let’s say she’s in a mismatched marriage. In many respects, she’s a remarkable woman. Physically, she’s considered attractive. She’s devoted to what she refers to as literature—poetry, prose, and that kind of thing. Her husband is an ordinary guy who works in business. Their home hasn’t been happy, even though the husband has tried to improve it. Some time ago, a stranger came to the quiet town where they lived and got involved in some real estate deals. This woman met him and inexplicably became infatuated with him. Her feelings became so obvious that the man didn’t feel safe in the community anymore, so he left. She abandoned her husband and home to follow him. She left behind a comfortable life to pursue this man who stirred such unusual affection in her. Is there anything more tragic,” the client concluded, his voice shaking, “than a woman’s reckless foolishness destroying a home?”
Lawyer Gooch delivered the cautious opinion that there was not.
Lawyer Gooch expressed a careful opinion that there wasn't.
“This man she has gone to join,” resumed the visitor, “is not the man to make her happy. It is a wild and foolish self-deception that makes her think he will. Her husband, in spite of their many disagreements, is the only one capable of dealing with her sensitive and peculiar nature. But this she does not realize now.”
“This man she has gone to join,” continued the visitor, “is not the one who will make her happy. It's a reckless and foolish self-deception that makes her believe he will. Her husband, despite their many arguments, is the only one able to handle her sensitive and unique nature. But she doesn’t see that right now.”
“Would you consider a divorce the logical cure in the case you present?” asked Lawyer Gooch, who felt that the conversation was wandering too far from the field of business.
“Do you think divorce is the sensible solution in the situation you described?” asked Lawyer Gooch, who felt that the discussion was straying too far from business.
“A divorce!” exclaimed the client, feelingly—almost tearfully. “No, no—not that. I have read, Mr. Gooch, of many instances where your sympathy and kindly interest led you to act as a mediator between estranged husband and wife, and brought them together again. Let us drop the hypothetical case—I need conceal no longer that it is I who am the sufferer in this sad affair—the names you shall have—Thomas R. Billings and wife—and Henry K. Jessup, the man with whom she is infatuated.”
“A divorce!” the client exclaimed, emotionally—almost in tears. “No, no—not that. I’ve read, Mr. Gooch, about many times when your empathy and genuine care helped you mediate between separated couples and brought them back together. Let’s leave the hypothetical aside—I can no longer hide that I’m the one suffering in this unfortunate situation—the names you need are—Thomas R. Billings and his wife—and Henry K. Jessup, the man she’s obsessed with.”
Client number three laid his hand upon Mr. Gooch’s arm. Deep emotion was written upon his careworn face. “For Heaven’s sake”, he said fervently, “help me in this hour of trouble. Seek out Mrs. Billings, and persuade her to abandon this distressing pursuit of her lamentable folly. Tell her, Mr. Gooch, that her husband is willing to receive her back to his heart and home—promise her anything that will induce her to return. I have heard of your success in these matters. Mrs. Billings cannot be very far away. I am worn out with travel and weariness. Twice during the pursuit I saw her, but various circumstances prevented our having an interview. Will you undertake this mission for me, Mr. Gooch, and earn my everlasting gratitude?”
Client number three placed his hand on Mr. Gooch's arm. His worn face showed deep emotion. “For Heaven’s sake,” he said urgently, “help me in this difficult time. Find Mrs. Billings and convince her to give up this troubling pursuit of her sad mistake. Tell her, Mr. Gooch, that her husband is ready to welcome her back into his heart and home—promise her anything that will make her come back. I've heard about your success in these situations. Mrs. Billings can’t be too far away. I am exhausted from traveling and fatigue. I saw her twice during my search, but circumstances kept us from meeting. Will you take on this task for me, Mr. Gooch, and earn my everlasting gratitude?”
“It is true,” said Lawyer Gooch, frowning slightly at the other’s last words, but immediately calling up an expression of virtuous benevolence, “that on a number of occasions I have been successful in persuading couples who sought the severing of their matrimonial bonds to think better of their rash intentions and return to their homes reconciled. But I assure you that the work is often exceedingly difficult. The amount of argument, perseverance, and, if I may be allowed to say it, eloquence that it requires would astonish you. But this is a case in which my sympathies would be wholly enlisted. I feel deeply for you sir, and I would be most happy to see husband and wife reunited. But my time,” concluded the lawyer, looking at his watch as if suddenly reminded of the fact, “is valuable.”
“It’s true,” said Lawyer Gooch, frowning slightly at the other’s last words but quickly putting on a look of virtuous kindness. “There have been several times when I’ve successfully persuaded couples looking to end their marriages to reconsider their hasty decisions and return home reconciled. But I assure you, the work can be incredibly challenging. The amount of discussion, persistence, and, if I may say so, eloquence it takes would surprise you. However, this is a situation where my sympathies would be fully engaged. I genuinely feel for you, sir, and I would be very happy to see the husband and wife come back together. But my time,” the lawyer concluded, glancing at his watch as if he had just been reminded, “is valuable.”
“I am aware of that,” said the client, “and if you will take the case and persuade Mrs. Billings to return home and leave the man alone that she is following—on that day I will pay you the sum of one thousand dollars. I have made a little money in real estate during the recent boom in Susanville, and I will not begrudge that amount.”
“I know that,” said the client, “and if you take the case and convince Mrs. Billings to come back home and leave that guy she’s chasing alone—on that day I will pay you one thousand dollars. I’ve made some good money in real estate with the recent boom in Susanville, and I won’t hesitate to pay that amount.”
“Retain your seat for a few moments, please,” said Lawyer Gooch, arising, and again consulting his watch. “I have another client waiting in an adjoining room whom I had very nearly forgotten. I will return in the briefest possible space.”
“Please hold on to your seat for a moment,” said Lawyer Gooch, getting up and checking his watch again. “I have another client waiting in the next room whom I almost forgot about. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”
The situation was now one that fully satisfied Lawyer Gooch’s love of intricacy and complication. He revelled in cases that presented such subtle problems and possibilities. It pleased him to think that he was master of the happiness and fate of the three individuals who sat, unconscious of one another’s presence, within his reach. His old figure of the ship glided into his mind. But now the figure failed, for to have filled every compartment of an actual vessel would have been to endanger her safety; with his compartments full, his ship of affairs could but sail on to the advantageous port of a fine, fat fee. The thing for him to do, of course, was to wring the best bargain he could from some one of his anxious cargo.
The situation now completely satisfied Lawyer Gooch’s love for complexity and complications. He thrived on cases that presented such subtle issues and possibilities. It pleased him to think that he held the happiness and fate of the three individuals who sat, unaware of each other’s presence, within his control. His old metaphor of the ship came to mind. But now the metaphor fell short, because filling every compartment of a real ship would have jeopardized its safety; with all his compartments full, his ship of affairs could only sail toward the profitable destination of a nice, hefty fee. The thing for him to do, of course, was to negotiate the best deal he could from one of his anxious clients.
First he called to the office boy: “Lock the outer door, Archibald, and admit no one.” Then he moved, with long, silent strides into the room in which client number one waited. That gentleman sat, patiently scanning the pictures in the magazine, with a cigar in his mouth and his feet upon a table.
First he called to the office boy: “Lock the outer door, Archibald, and let no one in.” Then he walked, taking long, silent strides into the room where client number one was waiting. That gentleman sat, patiently looking through the pictures in the magazine, with a cigar in his mouth and his feet on the table.
“Well,” he remarked, cheerfully, as the lawyer entered, “have you made up your mind? Does five hundred dollars go for getting the fair lady a divorce?”
“Well,” he said cheerfully as the lawyer walked in, “have you made your decision? Is five hundred dollars enough to help the lovely lady get a divorce?”
“You mean that as a retainer?” asked Lawyer Gooch, softly interrogative.
"You mean that as a retainer?" asked Lawyer Gooch, gently probing.
“Hey? No; for the whole job. It’s enough, ain’t it?”
“Hey? No; for the whole job. That’s enough, right?”
“My fee,” said Lawyer Gooch, “would be one thousand five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars down, and the remainder upon issuance of the divorce.”
“My fee,” said Lawyer Gooch, “would be one thousand five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars upfront, and the rest when the divorce is finalized.”
A loud whistle came from client number one. His feet descended to the floor.
A loud whistle came from client number one. His feet touched the floor.
“Guess we can’t close the deal,” he said, arising, “I cleaned up five hundred dollars in a little real estate dicker down in Susanville. I’d do anything I could to free the lady, but it out-sizes my pile.”
“Looks like we can’t seal the deal,” he said, standing up, “I made five hundred dollars in a small real estate deal down in Susanville. I’d do anything to help the lady, but it’s beyond what I can handle.”
“Could you stand one thousand two hundred dollars?” asked the lawyer, insinuatingly.
“Could you handle one thousand two hundred dollars?” asked the lawyer, suggestively.
“Five hundred is my limit, I tell you. Guess I’ll have to hunt up a cheaper lawyer.” The client put on his hat.
“Five hundred is my limit, I swear. Guess I’ll need to find a cheaper lawyer.” The client put on his hat.
“Out this way, please,” said Lawyer Gooch, opening the door that led into the hallway.
“Right this way, please,” said Lawyer Gooch, opening the door that led into the hallway.
As the gentleman flowed out of the compartment and down the stairs, Lawyer Gooch smiled to himself. “Exit Mr. Jessup,” he murmured, as he fingered the Henry Clay tuft of hair at his ear. “And now for the forsaken husband.” He returned to the middle office, and assumed a businesslike manner.
As the man stepped out of the compartment and down the stairs, Lawyer Gooch smiled to himself. “Goodbye, Mr. Jessup,” he murmured, as he played with the Henry Clay tuft of hair at his ear. “And now for the neglected husband.” He went back to the middle office and took on a professional demeanor.
“I understand,” he said to client number three, “that you agree to pay one thousand dollars if I bring about, or am instrumental in bringing about, the return of Mrs. Billings to her home, and her abandonment of her infatuated pursuit of the man for whom she has conceived such a violent fancy. Also that the case is now unreservedly in my hands on that basis. Is that correct?”
“I understand,” he said to client number three, “that you agree to pay one thousand dollars if I manage to bring Mrs. Billings back home and help her give up her obsession with the man she’s so infatuated with. Also, that the case is now completely in my hands on that basis. Is that right?”
“Entirely”, said the other, eagerly. “And I can produce the cash any time at two hours’ notice.”
“Absolutely,” said the other, eagerly. “And I can get the money together whenever you need it, just give me two hours’ notice.”
Lawyer Gooch stood up at his full height. His thin figure seemed to expand. His thumbs sought the arm-holes of his vest. Upon his face was a look of sympathetic benignity that he always wore during such undertakings.
Lawyer Gooch stood up straight. His lean frame seemed to puff up. His thumbs found the armholes of his vest. He had a look of sympathetic kindness that he always wore during these situations.
“Then, sir,” he said, in kindly tones, “I think I can promise you an early relief from your troubles. I have that much confidence in my powers of argument and persuasion, in the natural impulses of the human heart toward good, and in the strong influence of a husband’s unfaltering love. Mrs. Billings, sir, is here—in that room—” the lawyer’s long arm pointed to the door. “I will call her in at once; and our united pleadings—”
“Then, sir,” he said gently, “I believe I can promise you some quick relief from your troubles. I have confidence in my skills of argument and persuasion, in the natural goodness of the human heart, and in the strong influence of a husband’s unwavering love. Mrs. Billings, sir, is here—in that room—” the lawyer’s long arm gestured toward the door. “I will call her in right away; and our combined efforts—”
Lawyer Gooch paused, for client number three had leaped from his chair as if propelled by steel springs, and clutched his satchel.
Lawyer Gooch paused, as client number three jumped up from his chair like he was shot out of a cannon and grabbed his bag.
“What the devil,” he exclaimed, harshly, “do you mean? That woman in there! I thought I shook her off forty miles back.”
“What the heck,” he shouted, angrily, “do you mean? That woman in there! I thought I got rid of her forty miles ago.”
He ran to the open window, looked out below, and threw one leg over the sill.
He ran to the open window, looked down, and swung one leg over the sill.
“Stop!” cried Lawyer Gooch, in amazement. “What would you do? Come, Mr. Billings, and face your erring but innocent wife. Our combined entreaties cannot fail to—”
“Stop!” exclaimed Lawyer Gooch, shocked. “What are you going to do? Come on, Mr. Billings, and face your misguided but innocent wife. Our joint pleas can’t fail to—”
“Billings!” shouted the now thoroughly moved client. “I’ll Billings you, you old idiot!”
“Billings!” shouted the now completely upset client. “I’ll Billings you, you old fool!”
Turning, he hurled his satchel with fury at the lawyer’s head. It struck that astounded peacemaker between the eyes, causing him to stagger backward a pace or two. When Lawyer Gooch recovered his wits he saw that his client had disappeared. Rushing to the window, he leaned out, and saw the recreant gathering himself up from the top of a shed upon which he had dropped from the second-story window. Without stopping to collect his hat he then plunged downward the remaining ten feet to the alley, up which he flew with prodigious celerity until the surrounding building swallowed him up from view.
Turning, he angrily threw his bag at the lawyer’s head. It hit that shocked mediator right between the eyes, making him stagger back a step or two. When Lawyer Gooch regained his senses, he realized his client had vanished. He rushed to the window, leaned out, and saw the runaway picking himself up from the top of a shed after dropping from the second-floor window. Without bothering to grab his hat, he jumped down the last ten feet to the alley and took off running with incredible speed until the surrounding buildings blocked him from sight.
Lawyer Gooch passed his hand tremblingly across his brow. It was a habitual act with him, serving to clear his thoughts. Perhaps also it now seemed to soothe the spot where a very hard alligator-hide satchel had struck.
Lawyer Gooch ran his trembling hand across his forehead. It was something he often did to help him think clearly. Maybe it also provided some comfort to the spot where a very tough alligator-hide bag had hit him.
The satchel lay upon the floor, wide open, with its contents spilled about. Mechanically, Lawyer Gooch stooped to gather up the articles. The first was a collar; and the omniscient eye of the man of law perceived, wonderingly, the initials H. K. J. marked upon it. Then came a comb, a brush, a folded map, and a piece of soap. Lastly, a handful of old business letters, addressed—every one of them—to “Henry K. Jessup, Esq.”
The bag was lying on the floor, wide open, with its contents scattered everywhere. Automatically, Lawyer Gooch bent down to pick up the items. The first was a collar, and the all-knowing gaze of the lawyer noticed, with curiosity, the initials H. K. J. on it. Next came a comb, a brush, a folded map, and a bar of soap. Finally, there was a bunch of old business letters, all addressed to “Henry K. Jessup, Esq.”
Lawyer Gooch closed the satchel, and set it upon the table. He hesitated for a moment, and then put on his hat and walked into the office boy’s anteroom.
Lawyer Gooch closed the bag and placed it on the table. He paused for a moment, then put on his hat and walked into the office boy's waiting room.
“Archibald,” he said mildly, as he opened the hall door, “I am going around to the Supreme Court rooms. In five minutes you may step into the inner office, and inform the lady who is waiting there that”—here Lawyer Gooch made use of the vernacular—“that there’s nothing doing.”
“Archibald,” he said gently as he opened the hall door, “I’m heading over to the Supreme Court rooms. In five minutes, you can go into the inner office and let the lady waiting there know that”—here Lawyer Gooch used the casual language—“that there’s nothing happening.”
IV
CALLOWAY’S CODE
The New York Enterprise sent H. B. Calloway as special correspondent to the Russo-Japanese-Portsmouth war.
The New York Enterprise sent H. B. Calloway as a special correspondent to the Russo-Japanese-Portsmouth war.
For two months Calloway hung about Yokohama and Tokio, shaking dice with the other correspondents for drinks of ‘rickshaws—oh, no, that’s something to ride in; anyhow, he wasn’t earning the salary that his paper was paying him. But that was not Calloway’s fault. The little brown men who held the strings of Fate between their fingers were not ready for the readers of the Enterprise to season their breakfast bacon and eggs with the battles of the descendants of the gods.
For two months, Calloway stayed around Yokohama and Tokyo, gambling with the other reporters for drinks. He wasn’t earning the salary his paper was paying him. But that wasn’t Calloway’s fault. The little brown men who controlled Fate weren’t ready for the readers of the Enterprise to spice up their breakfast bacon and eggs with the battles of the descendants of the gods.
But soon the column of correspondents that were to go out with the First Army tightened their field-glass belts and went down to the Yalu with Kuroki. Calloway was one of these.
But soon the group of correspondents that were set to accompany the First Army tightened their binocular straps and headed down to the Yalu with Kuroki. Calloway was one of them.
Now, this is no history of the battle of the Yalu River. That has been told in detail by the correspondents who gazed at the shrapnel smoke rings from a distance of three miles. But, for justice’s sake, let it be understood that the Japanese commander prohibited a nearer view.
Now, this isn't the history of the battle of the Yalu River. That story has been covered in detail by the reporters who observed the smoke from the shrapnel from three miles away. But, for the sake of fairness, it should be noted that the Japanese commander banned a closer look.
Calloway’s feat was accomplished before the battle. What he did was to furnish the Enterprise with the biggest beat of the war. That paper published exclusively and in detail the news of the attack on the lines of the Russian General on the same day that it was made. No other paper printed a word about it for two days afterward, except a London paper, whose account was absolutely incorrect and untrue.
Calloway’s achievement happened before the battle. What he did was provide the Enterprise with the biggest scoop of the war. That paper reported exclusively and in detail the news of the attack on the Russian General's lines on the same day it occurred. No other paper printed anything about it for two days afterward, except for a London paper, whose account was completely wrong and false.
Calloway did this in face of the fact that General Kuroki was making his moves and laying his plans with the profoundest secrecy as far as the world outside his camps was concerned. The correspondents were forbidden to send out any news whatever of his plans; and every message that was allowed on the wires was censored with rigid severity.
Calloway did this even though General Kuroki was making his moves and planning everything in complete secrecy from the outside world. The reporters were not allowed to send out any news about his plans, and every message that was sent over the wires was strictly censored.
The correspondent for the London paper handed in a cablegram describing Kuroki’s plans; but as it was wrong from beginning to end the censor grinned and let it go through.
The reporter for the London newspaper submitted a cable telling about Kuroki’s plans; however, since it was completely incorrect from start to finish, the censor smiled and allowed it to be published.
So, there they were—Kuroki on one side of the Yalu with forty-two thousand infantry, five thousand cavalry, and one hundred and twenty-four guns. On the other side, Zassulitch waited for him with only twenty-three thousand men, and with a long stretch of river to guard. And Calloway had got hold of some important inside information that he knew would bring the Enterprise staff around a cablegram as thick as flies around a Park Row lemonade stand. If he could only get that message past the censor—the new censor who had arrived and taken his post that day!
So, there they were—Kuroki on one side of the Yalu with forty-two thousand infantry, five thousand cavalry, and one hundred twenty-four guns. On the other side, Zassulitch waited for him with only twenty-three thousand men and a long stretch of river to defend. Calloway had gotten hold of some important insider information that he knew would have the Enterprise staff buzzing like flies around a lemonade stand on Park Row. If he could just get that message past the censor—the new censor who had shown up and taken his post that day!
Calloway did the obviously proper thing. He lit his pipe and sat down on a gun carriage to think it over. And there we must leave him; for the rest of the story belongs to Vesey, a sixteen-dollar-a-week reporter on the Enterprise.
Calloway did the obviously right thing. He lit his pipe and sat down on a gun carriage to think it through. And there we must leave him; because the rest of the story belongs to Vesey, a sixteen-dollar-a-week reporter for the Enterprise.
Calloway’s cablegram was handed to the managing editor at four o’clock in the afternoon. He read it three times; and then drew a pocket mirror from a pigeon-hole in his desk, and looked at his reflection carefully. Then he went over to the desk of Boyd, his assistant (he usually called Boyd when he wanted him), and laid the cablegram before him.
Calloway’s cable was delivered to the managing editor at four o'clock in the afternoon. He read it three times, then pulled out a pocket mirror from a compartment in his desk and examined his reflection closely. After that, he walked over to Boyd’s desk, his assistant (he typically called Boyd when he needed him), and placed the cable in front of him.
“It’s from Calloway,” he said. “See what you make of it.”
“It’s from Calloway,” he said. “Take a look and tell me what you think.”
The message was dated at Wi-ju, and these were the words of it:
The message was dated at Wi-ju, and this is what it said:
Foregone preconcerted rash witching goes muffled rumour mine dark silent unfortunate richmond existing great hotly brute select mooted parlous beggars ye angel incontrovertible.
Foregone planned reckless witchcraft goes quiet rumor mine dark silent unfortunate Richmond existing great hotly brutal select discussed risky beggars you angel undeniable.
Boyd read it twice.
Boyd read it two times.
“It’s either a cipher or a sunstroke,” said he.
“It’s either a code or a heat stroke,” he said.
“Ever hear of anything like a code in the office—a secret code?” asked the m. e., who had held his desk for only two years. Managing editors come and go.
“Have you ever heard of anything like a code in the office—a secret code?” asked the managing editor, who had only been in his position for two years. Managing editors come and go.
“None except the vernacular that the lady specials write in,” said Boyd. “Couldn’t be an acrostic, could it?”
“None except the language that the lady specials write in,” said Boyd. “It couldn’t be an acrostic, could it?”
“I thought of that,” said the m. e., “but the beginning letters contain only four vowels. It must be a code of some sort.”
“I thought about that,” said the m. e., “but the starting letters have only four vowels. It’s got to be some kind of code.”
“Try em in groups,” suggested Boyd. “Let’s see—‘Rash witching goes’—not with me it doesn’t. ‘Muffled rumour mine’—must have an underground wire. ‘Dark silent unfortunate richmond’—no reason why he should knock that town so hard. ‘Existing great hotly’—no it doesn’t pan out. I’ll call Scott.”
“Try them in groups,” suggested Boyd. “Let’s see—‘Rash witching goes’—not happening with me. ‘Muffled rumor mine’—must have an underground wire. ‘Dark silent unfortunate Richmond’—no reason for him to bash that town so hard. ‘Existing great hotly’—no, that doesn’t work. I’ll call Scott.”
The city editor came in a hurry, and tried his luck. A city editor must know something about everything; so Scott knew a little about cipher-writing.
The city editor rushed in and gave it a shot. A city editor has to know a bit about everything; so Scott knew a little about code writing.
“It may be what is called an inverted alphabet cipher,” said he. “I’ll try that. ‘R’ seems to be the oftenest used initial letter, with the exception of ‘m.’ Assuming ‘r’ to mean ‘e’, the most frequently used vowel, we transpose the letters—so.”
“It might be what’s known as an inverted alphabet cipher,” he said. “I’ll give that a shot. ‘R’ seems to be the most frequently used initial letter, except for ‘m.’ If we assume ‘r’ stands for ‘e’, the most commonly used vowel, we’ll swap the letters—like this.”
Scott worked rapidly with his pencil for two minutes; and then showed the first word according to his reading—the word “Scejtzez.”
Scott quickly scribbled with his pencil for two minutes, and then revealed the first word based on his reading—the word “Scejtzez.”
“Great!” cried Boyd. “It’s a charade. My first is a Russian general. Go on, Scott.”
“Awesome!” shouted Boyd. “It’s a charade. My first one is a Russian general. Keep going, Scott.”
“No, that won’t work,” said the city editor. “It’s undoubtedly a code. It’s impossible to read it without the key. Has the office ever used a cipher code?”
“No, that won’t work,” said the city editor. “It’s definitely a code. You can’t read it without the key. Has the office ever used a cipher code?”
“Just what I was asking,” said the m.e. “Hustle everybody up that ought to know. We must get at it some way. Calloway has evidently got hold of something big, and the censor has put the screws on, or he wouldn’t have cabled in a lot of chop suey like this.”
“Exactly what I was asking,” said the M.E. “Get everyone together who should know. We need to figure this out somehow. Calloway clearly has some important information, and the censor is tightening the pressure, or he wouldn’t have sent in such a confusing message.”
Throughout the office of the Enterprise a dragnet was sent, hauling in such members of the staff as would be likely to know of a code, past or present, by reason of their wisdom, information, natural intelligence, or length of servitude. They got together in a group in the city room, with the m. e. in the centre. No one had heard of a code. All began to explain to the head investigator that newspapers never use a code, anyhow—that is, a cipher code. Of course the Associated Press stuff is a sort of code—an abbreviation, rather—but—
Throughout the office of the Enterprise, a dragnet was deployed, gathering staff members who might know about a code, past or present, due to their expertise, knowledge, natural intelligence, or long tenure. They congregated in a group in the city room, with the head investigator in the center. No one had heard of any code. Everyone began explaining to the head investigator that newspapers don’t actually use a code, at least not a cipher code. Of course, the Associated Press material is a kind of code—more like an abbreviation—but—
The m. e. knew all that, and said so. He asked each man how long he had worked on the paper. Not one of them had drawn pay from an Enterprise envelope for longer than six years. Calloway had been on the paper twelve years.
The m.e. knew all that and mentioned it. He asked each man how long he had worked on the paper. None of them had received pay from an Enterprise envelope for more than six years. Calloway had been with the paper for twelve years.
“Try old Heffelbauer,” said the m. e. “He was here when Park Row was a potato patch.”
“Try old Heffelbauer,” said the m. e. “He was around when Park Row was just a potato field.”
Heffelbauer was an institution. He was half janitor, half handy-man about the office, and half watchman—thus becoming the peer of thirteen and one-half tailors. Sent for, he came, radiating his nationality.
Heffelbauer was a fixture. He was part janitor, part handyman around the office, and part security guard—making him equivalent to thirteen and a half tailors. When called, he showed up, exuding his cultural background.
“Heffelbauer,” said the m. e., “did you ever hear of a code belonging to the office a long time ago—a private code? You know what a code is, don’t you?”
“Heffelbauer,” said the m. e., “have you ever heard of a private code that used to belong to the office a long time ago? You know what a code is, right?”
“Yah,” said Heffelbauer. “Sure I know vat a code is. Yah, apout dwelf or fifteen year ago der office had a code. Der reborters in der city-room haf it here.”
“Yeah,” said Heffelbauer. “Of course I know what a code is. Yeah, about twelve or fifteen years ago the office had a code. The reporters in the city room have it here.”
“Ah!” said the m. e. “We’re getting on the trail now. Where was it kept, Heffelbauer? What do you know about it?”
“Ah!” said the m.e. “We’re on the right track now. Where was it kept, Heffelbauer? What do you know about it?”
“Somedimes,” said the retainer, “dey keep it in der little room behind der library room.”
“Sometimes,” said the servant, “they keep it in their little room behind the library.”
“Can you find it?” asked the m. e. eagerly. “Do you know where it is?”
“Can you find it?” asked the m. e. eagerly. “Do you know where it is?”
“Mein Gott!” said Heffelbauer. “How long you dink a code live? Der reborters call him a maskeet. But von day he butt mit his head der editor, und—”
“Mein Gott!” said Heffelbauer. “How long do you think a code lives? The reporters call him a mascot. But one day he bumped his head against the editor, and—”
“Oh, he’s talking about a goat,” said Boyd. “Get out, Heffelbauer.”
“Oh, he’s talking about a goat,” said Boyd. “Get out, Heffelbauer.”
Again discomfited, the concerted wit and resource of the Enterprise huddled around Calloway’s puzzle, considering its mysterious words in vain.
Again frustrated, the combined skill and ingenuity of the Enterprise gathered around Calloway’s puzzle, pondering its mysterious words without success.
Then Vesey came in.
Then Vesey entered.
Vesey was the youngest reporter. He had a thirty-two-inch chest and wore a number fourteen collar; but his bright Scotch plaid suit gave him presence and conferred no obscurity upon his whereabouts. He wore his hat in such a position that people followed him about to see him take it off, convinced that it must be hung upon a peg driven into the back of his head. He was never without an immense, knotted, hard-wood cane with a German-silver tip on its crooked handle. Vesey was the best photograph hustler in the office. Scott said it was because no living human being could resist the personal triumph it was to hand his picture over to Vesey. Vesey always wrote his own news stories, except the big ones, which were sent to the rewrite men. Add to this fact that among all the inhabitants, temples, and groves of the earth nothing existed that could abash Vesey, and his dim sketch is concluded.
Vesey was the youngest reporter. He had a thirty-two-inch chest and wore a size fourteen collar, but his bright plaid suit made him stand out and kept him from blending in. He wore his hat in such a way that people followed him around, eager to see him take it off, convinced that it must be attached to a peg on the back of his head. He was never seen without a large, knotted, hardwood cane with a silver tip on its crooked handle. Vesey was the best hustler for photographs in the office. Scott said it was because no one could resist the personal satisfaction of handing their picture over to Vesey. Vesey always wrote his own news stories, except for the big ones, which went to the rewrite team. Add to this the fact that nothing on earth could embarrass Vesey, and that wraps up his brief portrayal.
Vesey butted into the circle of cipher readers very much as Heffelbauer’s “code” would have done, and asked what was up. Some one explained, with the touch of half-familiar condescension that they always used toward him. Vesey reached out and took the cablegram from the m. e.’s hand. Under the protection of some special Providence, he was always doing appalling things like that, and coming, off unscathed.
Vesey jumped into the group of code readers just like Heffelbauer’s “code” would have done, and asked what was going on. Someone explained, with that hint of familiar condescension they always had towards him. Vesey reached out and took the cablegram from the m.e.’s hand. Thanks to some special luck, he was always doing shocking things like that and coming away unscathed.
“It’s a code,” said Vesey. “Anybody got the key?”
“It’s a code,” said Vesey. “Does anyone have the key?”
“The office has no code,” said Boyd, reaching for the message. Vesey held to it.
“The office has no code,” Boyd said, reaching for the message. Vesey held on to it.
“Then old Calloway expects us to read it, anyhow,” said he. “He’s up a tree, or something, and he’s made this up so as to get it by the censor. It’s up to us. Gee! I wish they had sent me, too. Say—we can’t afford to fall down on our end of it. ‘Foregone, preconcerted rash, witching’—h’m.”
“Then old Calloway thinks we’re supposed to read it anyway,” he said. “He’s in a tough spot, or something, and he made this up to get it past the censor. It’s on us. Man! I wish they had sent me too. Hey—we can’t let down on our part of this. ‘Past, planned reckless, enchanting’—hmm.”
Vesey sat down on a table corner and began to whistle softly, frowning at the cablegram.
Vesey sat down on the corner of the table and started to whistle softly, frowning at the cablegram.
“Let’s have it, please,” said the m. e. “We’ve got to get to work on it.”
“Let’s have it, please,” said the m. e. “We’ve got to get to work on it.”
“I believe I’ve got a line on it,” said Vesey. “Give me ten minutes.”
“I think I’ve figured it out,” said Vesey. “Just give me ten minutes.”
He walked to his desk, threw his hat into a waste-basket, spread out flat on his chest like a gorgeous lizard, and started his pencil going. The wit and wisdom of the Enterprise remained in a loose group, and smiled at one another, nodding their heads toward Vesey. Then they began to exchange their theories about the cipher.
He walked over to his desk, tossed his hat into a trash can, laid back flat like a stunning lizard, and started using his pencil. The wit and wisdom of the Enterprise stayed in a loose circle, smiling at each other and nodding their heads toward Vesey. Then they started sharing their theories about the cipher.
It took Vesey exactly fifteen minutes. He brought to the m. e. a pad with the code-key written on it.
It took Vesey exactly fifteen minutes. He brought to the meeting annotations with the code key written on it.
“I felt the swing of it as soon as I saw it,” said Vesey. “Hurrah for old Calloway! He’s done the Japs and every paper in town that prints literature instead of news. Take a look at that.”
“I felt the change as soon as I saw it,” said Vesey. “Cheers to old Calloway! He’s taken down the Japs and every newspaper in town that publishes literature instead of news. Check this out.”
Thus had Vesey set forth the reading of the code:
Thus had Vesey begun reading the code:
Foregone—conclusion
Preconcerted—arrangement
Rash—act
Witching—hour of midnight
Goes—without saying
Muffled—report
Rumour—hath it
Mine—host
Dark—horse
Silent—majority
Unfortunate—pedestrians*
Richmond—in the field
Existing—conditions
Great—White Way
Hotly—contested
Brute—force
Select—few
Mooted—question
Parlous—times
Beggars—description
Ye—correspondent
Angel—unawares
Incontrovertible—fact
Foregone conclusion
Prearranged plan
Rash decision
Witching hour at midnight
It goes without saying
Muffled noise
Rumor has it
My host
Dark horse
Silent majority
Unfortunate pedestrians*
Richmond in the field
Current conditions
Broadway
Hotly contested
Brute force
Select few
Debated question
Perilous times
Beggars description
Your correspondent
Unexpected angel
Undeniable fact
* Mr. Vesey afterward explained that the logical journalistic complement of the word “unfortunate” was once the word “victim.” But, since the automobile became so popular, the correct following word is now “pedestrians”. Of course, in Calloway’s code it meant infantry.
* Mr. Vesey later clarified that the logical journalistic counterpart of the word "unfortunate" used to be "victim." However, since cars became so widespread, the appropriate follow-up word is now "pedestrians." Naturally, in Calloway’s code, it referred to infantry.
“It’s simply newspaper English,” explained Vesey. “I’ve been reporting on the Enterprise long enough to know it by heart. Old Calloway gives us the cue word, and we use the word that naturally follows it just as we use ’em in the paper. Read it over, and you’ll see how pat they drop into their places. Now, here’s the message he intended us to get.”
“It’s just newspaper language,” Vesey explained. “I’ve been reporting for the Enterprise long enough to know it by heart. Old Calloway gives us the cue word, and we use the word that naturally follows it just like we do in the paper. Read it again, and you’ll see how perfectly they fit into their spots. Now, here’s the message he wanted us to understand.”
Vesey handed out another sheet of paper.
Vesey passed out another sheet of paper.
Concluded arrangement to act at hour of midnight without saying. Report hath it that a large body of cavalry and an overwhelming force of infantry will be thrown into the field. Conditions white. Way contested by only a small force. Question the Times description. Its correspondent is unaware of the facts.
Concluded plans to act at midnight without announcement. Reports say that a large group of cavalry and a massive force of infantry will be sent into the field. Conditions are clear. The route is contested by only a small force. Question the Times description. Its correspondent doesn’t know the facts.
“Great stuff!” cried Boyd excitedly. “Kuroki crosses the Yalu to-night and attacks. Oh, we won’t do a thing to the sheets that make up with Addison’s essays, real estate transfers, and bowling scores!”
“Awesome!” Boyd exclaimed excitedly. “Kuroki is crossing the Yalu tonight and launching an attack. Oh, we won’t touch the sheets filled with Addison’s essays, real estate transfers, and bowling scores!”
“Mr. Vesey,” said the m. e., with his jollying-which-you-should-regard-as-a-favour manner, “you have cast a serious reflection upon the literary standards of the paper that employs you. You have also assisted materially in giving us the biggest ‘beat’ of the year. I will let you know in a day or two whether you are to be discharged or retained at a larger salary. Somebody send Ames to me.”
“Mr. Vesey,” said the managing editor, with his friendly-you-should-see-it-as-a-compliment attitude, “you've seriously questioned the literary standards of the paper that employs you. You've also significantly contributed to giving us the biggest scoop of the year. I’ll let you know in a day or two whether you’ll be fired or kept on with a higher salary. Someone send Ames to me.”
Ames was the king-pin, the snowy-petalled Marguerite, the star-bright looloo of the rewrite men. He saw attempted murder in the pains of green-apple colic, cyclones in the summer zephyr, lost children in every top-spinning urchin, an uprising of the down-trodden masses in every hurling of a derelict potato at a passing automobile. When not rewriting, Ames sat on the porch of his Brooklyn villa playing checkers with his ten-year-old son.
Ames was the key player, the white-petaled daisy, the shining star of the rewrite guys. He saw attempted murder in the cramps of a sour stomach, storms in the summer breeze, lost kids in every spinning top, a rebellion of the oppressed in every thrown rotten potato at a passing car. When he wasn't rewriting, Ames lounged on the porch of his Brooklyn home, playing checkers with his ten-year-old son.
Ames and the “war editor” shut themselves in a room. There was a map in there stuck full of little pins that represented armies and divisions. Their fingers had been itching for days to move those pins along the crooked line of the Yalu. They did so now; and in words of fire Ames translated Calloway’s brief message into a front page masterpiece that set the world talking. He told of the secret councils of the Japanese officers; gave Kuroki’s flaming speeches in full; counted the cavalry and infantry to a man and a horse; described the quick and silent building of the bridge at Suikauchen, across which the Mikado’s legions were hurled upon the surprised Zassulitch, whose troops were widely scattered along the river. And the battle!—well, you know what Ames can do with a battle if you give him just one smell of smoke for a foundation. And in the same story, with seemingly supernatural knowledge, he gleefully scored the most profound and ponderous paper in England for the false and misleading account of the intended movements of the Japanese First Army printed in its issue of the same date.
Ames and the "war editor" locked themselves in a room. There was a map on the wall filled with little pins representing armies and divisions. For days, their fingers had been itching to move those pins along the winding line of the Yalu. They did that now; and with fiery words, Ames turned Calloway’s brief message into a front-page masterpiece that had the whole world talking. He recounted the secret meetings of the Japanese officers, included Kuroki’s passionate speeches in full, counted every cavalryman and infantryman down to the last horse, and detailed the quick and quiet construction of the bridge at Suikauchen, across which the Mikado’s forces charged at the surprised Zassulitch, whose troops were widely spread out along the river. And the battle!—well, you know what Ames can do with a battle if you give him just a hint of smoke to build on. In the same story, with seemingly supernatural insight, he joyfully criticized the most serious and weighty newspaper in England for the false and misleading account of the planned movements of the Japanese First Army published in its issue of the same date.
Only one error was made; and that was the fault of the cable operator at Wi-ju. Calloway pointed it out after he came back. The word “great” in his code should have been “gage,” and its complemental words “of battle.” But it went to Ames “conditions white,” and of course he took that to mean snow. His description of the Japanese army struggling through the snowstorm, blinded by the whirling flakes, was thrillingly vivid. The artists turned out some effective illustrations that made a hit as pictures of the artillery dragging their guns through the drifts. But, as the attack was made on the first day of May, “conditions white” excited some amusement. But it in made no difference to the Enterprise, anyway.
Only one mistake was made, and that was the fault of the cable operator at Wi-ju. Calloway pointed it out after he returned. The word “great” in his code should have been “gage,” along with its related words “of battle.” But it got sent to Ames as “conditions white,” and of course, he interpreted that to mean snow. His description of the Japanese army struggling through the snowstorm, blinded by the swirling flakes, was incredibly vivid. The artists produced some striking illustrations that were popular as images of the artillery dragging their guns through the drifts. However, since the attack happened on the first day of May, “conditions white” caused some amusement. But it didn't really matter to the Enterprise, anyway.
It was wonderful. And Calloway was wonderful in having made the new censor believe that his jargon of words meant no more than a complaint of the dearth of news and a petition for more expense money. And Vesey was wonderful. And most wonderful of all are words, and how they make friends one with another, being oft associated, until not even obituary notices them do part.
It was amazing. And Calloway was impressive for making the new censor think that his confusing language was just a complaint about the lack of news and a request for more funding. And Vesey was great. But the most amazing thing of all is words, and how they connect with each other, often coming together, until not even obituaries can separate them.
On the second day following, the city editor halted at Vesey’s desk where the reporter was writing the story of a man who had broken his leg by falling into a coal-hole—Ames having failed to find a murder motive in it.
On the second day afterward, the city editor stopped at Vesey’s desk where the reporter was working on a story about a guy who broke his leg by falling into a coal hole—Ames having been unable to find a murder motive in it.
“The old man says your salary is to be raised to twenty a week,” said Scott.
“The old man says your salary is going up to twenty bucks a week,” said Scott.
“All right,” said Vesey. “Every little helps. Say—Mr. Scott, which would you say—‘We can state without fear of successful contradiction,’ or, ‘On the whole it can be safely asserted’?”
“All right,” said Vesey. “Every little bit helps. So, Mr. Scott, which would you prefer—‘We can say without any fear of being proven wrong,’ or, ‘Generally, it can be safely claimed’?”
V
A MATTER OF MEAN ELEVATION
One winter the Alcazar Opera Company of New Orleans made a speculative trip along the Mexican, Central American and South American coasts. The venture proved a most successful one. The music-loving, impressionable Spanish-Americans deluged the company with dollars and “vivas.” The manager waxed plump and amiable. But for the prohibitive climate he would have put forth the distinctive flower of his prosperity—the overcoat of fur, braided, frogged and opulent. Almost was he persuaded to raise the salaries of his company. But with a mighty effort he conquered the impulse toward such an unprofitable effervescence of joy.
One winter, the Alcazar Opera Company from New Orleans took a chance on a trip along the coasts of Mexico, Central America, and South America. The venture turned out to be very successful. The music-loving, impressionable Spanish-Americans showered the company with money and cheers. The manager became quite plump and friendly. If it weren't for the harsh climate, he would have shown off the hallmark of his success—an extravagant fur overcoat with braids and ornate details. He was almost convinced to raise the salaries of his company, but with great effort, he resisted the temptation to indulge in such an unwise display of happiness.
At Macuto, on the coast of Venezuela, the company scored its greatest success. Imagine Coney Island translated into Spanish and you will comprehend Macuto. The fashionable season is from November to March. Down from La Guayra and Caracas and Valencia and other interior towns flock the people for their holiday season. There are bathing and fiestas and bull fights and scandal. And then the people have a passion for music that the bands in the plaza and on the sea beach stir but do not satisfy. The coming of the Alcazar Opera Company aroused the utmost ardour and zeal among the pleasure seekers.
At Macuto, on the coast of Venezuela, the company achieved its biggest success. Imagine Coney Island translated into Spanish, and you’ll understand Macuto. The peak season runs from November to March. People flock down from La Guayra, Caracas, Valencia, and other inland towns for their holiday break. There are beaches, parties, bullfights, and gossip. The locals have a deep love for music that the bands in the plaza and on the beach inspire but never fully satisfy. The arrival of the Alcazar Opera Company sparked tremendous excitement and enthusiasm among the vacationers.
The illustrious Guzman Blanco, President and Dictator of Venezuela, sojourned in Macuto with his court for the season. That potent ruler—who himself paid a subsidy of 40,000 pesos each year to grand opera in Caracas—ordered one of the Government warehouses to be cleared for a temporary theatre. A stage was quickly constructed and rough wooden benches made for the audience. Private boxes were added for the use of the President and the notables of the army and Government.
The renowned Guzman Blanco, President and Dictator of Venezuela, spent the season in Macuto with his entourage. That powerful leader—who personally funded 40,000 pesos annually to support grand opera in Caracas—authorized the clearing of one of the Government warehouses for a temporary theater. A stage was quickly built, and basic wooden benches were made for the audience. Private boxes were added for the President and the prominent figures from the army and Government.
The company remained in Macuto for two weeks. Each performance filled the house as closely as it could be packed. Then the music-mad people fought for room in the open doors and windows, and crowded about, hundreds deep, on the outside. Those audiences formed a brilliantly diversified patch of colour. The hue of their faces ranged from the clear olive of the pure-blood Spaniards down through the yellow and brown shades of the Mestizos to the coal-black Carib and the Jamaica Negro. Scattered among them were little groups of Indians with faces like stone idols, wrapped in gaudy fibre-woven blankets—Indians down from the mountain states of Zamora and Los Andes and Miranda to trade their gold dust in the coast towns.
The company stayed in Macuto for two weeks. Every performance was packed to capacity. The music-crazy crowd fought for space in the open doors and windows, and gathered, hundreds deep, outside. Those audiences created a vibrant mix of colors. The tones of their skin ranged from the clear olive of pure-blood Spaniards to the yellow and brown shades of Mestizos, and all the way to the coal-black Caribs and Jamaican Blacks. Scattered among them were small groups of Indians with faces like stone idols, wrapped in bright, woven blankets—Indians who had come down from the mountain states of Zamora, Los Andes, and Miranda to trade their gold dust in the coastal towns.
The spell cast upon these denizens of the interior fastnesses was remarkable. They sat in petrified ecstasy, conspicuous among the excitable Macutians, who wildly strove with tongue and hand to give evidence of their delight. Only once did the sombre rapture of these aboriginals find expression. During the rendition of “Faust,” Guzman Blanco, extravagantly pleased by the “Jewel Song,” cast upon the stage a purse of gold pieces. Other distinguished citizens followed his lead to the extent of whatever loose coin they had convenient, while some of the fair and fashionable señoras were moved, in imitation, to fling a jewel or a ring or two at the feet of the Marguerite—who was, according to the bills, Mlle. Nina Giraud. Then, from different parts of the house rose sundry of the stolid hillmen and cast upon the stage little brown and dun bags that fell with soft “thumps” and did not rebound. It was, no doubt, pleasure at the tribute to her art that caused Mlle. Giraud’s eyes to shine so brightly when she opened these little deerskin bags in her dressing room and found them to contain pure gold dust. If so, the pleasure was rightly hers, for her voice in song, pure, strong and thrilling with the feeling of the emotional artist, deserved the tribute that it earned.
The spell cast on these people from the remote areas was incredible. They sat in frozen ecstasy, standing out among the excitable Macutians, who frantically used their voices and hands to show their joy. Only once did the deep rapture of these indigenous people show. During the performance of “Faust,” Guzman Blanco, extravagantly pleased by the “Jewel Song,” threw a purse of gold coins onto the stage. Other notable citizens followed suit by tossing in whatever spare change they had, while some of the elegant ladies were inspired to toss a jewel or two at the feet of Marguerite—who, according to the program, was Mlle. Nina Giraud. Then, from various parts of the audience, some of the stoic hillmen stood up and threw small brown and tan bags onto the stage that landed with soft “thumps” and didn’t bounce. It was probably the joy of the tribute to her talent that made Mlle. Giraud's eyes shine so brightly when she opened these little deerskin bags in her dressing room and found them filled with pure gold dust. If that was the case, the joy was rightly hers, because her singing voice, pure, strong, and filled with the emotion of an artist, deserved the tribute it received.
But the triumph of the Alcazar Opera Company is not the theme—it but leans upon and colours it. There happened in Macuto a tragic thing, an unsolvable mystery, that sobered for a time the gaiety of the happy season.
But the success of the Alcazar Opera Company isn’t the main focus—it just supports and adds depth to it. A tragic event happened in Macuto, an unsolvable mystery, that temporarily dampened the joy of the festive season.
One evening between the short twilight and the time when she should have whirled upon the stage in the red and black of the ardent Carmen, Mlle. Nina Giraud disappeared from the sight and ken of 6,000 pairs of eyes and as many minds in Macuto. There was the usual turmoil and hurrying to seek her. Messengers flew to the little French-kept hotel where she stayed; others of the company hastened here or there where she might be lingering in some tienda or unduly prolonging her bath upon the beach. All search was fruitless. Mademoiselle had vanished.
One evening, shortly after dusk and just before she was supposed to take the stage in the vibrant red and black of the passionate Carmen, Mlle. Nina Giraud vanished from the view and awareness of 6,000 pairs of eyes and just as many minds in Macuto. There was the usual chaos as everyone rushed to find her. Messengers raced to the small French-run hotel where she was staying; others from the company hurried to various places, checking if she might be hanging out in some shop or taking too long in her bath on the beach. All their searching turned out to be in vain. Mademoiselle had disappeared.
Half an hour passed and she did not appear. The dictator, unused to the caprices of prime donne, became impatient. He sent an aide from his box to say to the manager that if the curtain did not at once rise he would immediately hale the entire company to the calabosa, though it would desolate his heart, indeed, to be compelled to such an act. Birds in Macuto could be made to sing.
Half an hour went by and she still didn’t show up. The dictator, unfamiliar with the whims of leading ladies, grew impatient. He sent an aide from his box to tell the manager that if the curtain didn’t rise immediately, he would have to haul the whole cast off to jail, even though it would truly break his heart to do so. Birds in Macuto could be made to sing.
The manager abandoned hope for the time of Mlle. Giraud. A member of the chorus, who had dreamed hopelessly for years of the blessed opportunity, quickly Carmenized herself and the opera went on.
The manager gave up hope for Mlle. Giraud. A chorus member, who had long dreamt of this wonderful chance, quickly transformed herself into Carmen, and the opera continued.
Afterward, when the lost cantatrice appeared not, the aid of the authorities was invoked. The President at once set the army, the police and all citizens to the search. Not one clue to Mlle. Giraud’s disappearance was found. The Alcazar left to fill engagements farther down the coast.
Afterward, when the missing singer didn't show up, the authorities were called in to help. The President immediately ordered the army, the police, and all citizens to join the search. Not a single clue about Mlle. Giraud’s disappearance was found. The Alcazar left to take on gigs further down the coast.
On the way back the steamer stopped at Macuto and the manager made anxious inquiry. Not a trace of the lady had been discovered. The Alcazar could do no more. The personal belongings of the missing lady were stored in the hotel against her possible later reappearance and the opera company continued upon its homeward voyage to New Orleans.
On the way back, the steamer stopped at Macuto, and the manager asked nervously for updates. No sign of the lady had been found. The Alcazar could do nothing more. The personal belongings of the missing woman were kept at the hotel in case she showed up later, and the opera company continued on its journey home to New Orleans.
On the camino real along the beach the two saddle mules and the four pack mules of Don Señor Johnny Armstrong stood, patiently awaiting the crack of the whip of the arriero, Luis. That would be the signal for the start on another long journey into the mountains. The pack mules were loaded with a varied assortment of hardware and cutlery. These articles Don Johnny traded to the interior Indians for the gold dust that they washed from the Andean streams and stored in quills and bags against his coming. It was a profitable business, and Señor Armstrong expected soon to be able to purchase the coffee plantation that he coveted.
On the camino real along the beach, Don Señor Johnny Armstrong's two saddle mules and four pack mules stood patiently, waiting for the crack of the whip from the arriero, Luis. That would signal the start of another long journey into the mountains. The pack mules were loaded with a variety of hardware and cutlery. Don Johnny traded these items with the interior Indians for the gold dust they washed from the Andean streams, storing it in quills and bags for his arrival. It was a profitable business, and Señor Armstrong expected to soon be able to buy the coffee plantation he desired.
Armstrong stood on the narrow sidewalk, exchanging garbled Spanish with old Peralto, the rich native merchant who had just charged him four prices for half a gross of pot-metal hatchets, and abridged English with Rucker, the little German who was Consul for the United States.
Armstrong stood on the narrow sidewalk, having a jumbled conversation in Spanish with old Peralto, the wealthy local merchant who had just charged him way too much for half a gross of cheap hatchets, and simplified English with Rucker, the small German guy who was the Consul for the United States.
“Take with you, señor,” said Peralto, “the blessings of the saints upon your journey.”
“Take with you, sir,” said Peralto, “the blessings of the saints on your journey.”
“Better try quinine,” growled Rucker through his pipe. “Take two grains every night. And don’t make your trip too long, Johnny, because we haf needs of you. It is ein villainous game dot Melville play of whist, and dere is no oder substitute. Auf wiedersehen, und keep your eyes dot mule’s ears between when you on der edge of der brecipices ride.”
“Better try quinine,” Rucker grumbled through his pipe. “Take two grains every night. And don’t make your trip too long, Johnny, because we need you. It’s a wicked game that Melville plays at cards, and there’s no other substitute. See you later, and keep your eyes on that mule's ears when you ride near the edges of the cliffs.”
The bells of Luis’s mule jingled and the pack train filed after the warning note. Armstrong, waved a good-bye and took his place at the tail of the procession. Up the narrow street they turned, and passed the two-story wooden Hotel Ingles, where Ives and Dawson and Richards and the rest of the chaps were dawdling on the broad piazza, reading week-old newspapers. They crowded to the railing and shouted many friendly and wise and foolish farewells after him. Across the plaza they trotted slowly past the bronze statue of Guzman Blanco, within its fence of bayoneted rifles captured from revolutionists, and out of the town between the rows of thatched huts swarming with the unclothed youth of Macuto. They plunged into the damp coolness of banana groves at length to emerge upon a bright stream, where brown women in scant raiment laundered clothes destructively upon the rocks. Then the pack train, fording the stream, attacked the sudden ascent, and bade adieu to such civilization as the coast afforded.
The bells on Luis’s mule jingled as the pack train followed behind the warning signal. Armstrong waved goodbye and took his place at the back of the procession. They turned up the narrow street and passed the two-story wooden Hotel Ingles, where Ives, Dawson, Richards, and the rest of the guys were hanging out on the wide porch, reading week-old newspapers. They gathered at the railing and shouted various friendly, wise, and silly farewells after him. They slowly trotted across the plaza past the bronze statue of Guzman Blanco, surrounded by a fence of bayoneted rifles captured from revolutionaries, and left the town between rows of thatched huts bustling with the naked youth of Macuto. Eventually, they plunged into the cool, damp air of banana groves and emerged by a bright stream, where women in minimal clothing were washing clothes on the rocks. Then the pack train forded the stream, tackling the sudden climb and bidding farewell to whatever civilization the coast had to offer.
For weeks Armstrong, guided by Luis, followed his regular route among the mountains. After he had collected an arroba of the precious metal, winning a profit of nearly $5,000, the heads of the lightened mules were turned down-trail again. Where the head of the Guarico River springs from a great gash in the mountain-side, Luis halted the train.
For weeks, Armstrong, led by Luis, stuck to his usual path through the mountains. After collecting an arroba of the valuable metal and making nearly $5,000 in profit, they turned the mules back down the trail. Where the Guarico River begins from a big cut in the mountainside, Luis stopped the train.
“Half a day’s journey from here, Señor,” said he, “is the village of Tacuzama, which we have never visited. I think many ounces of gold may be procured there. It is worth the trial.”
“Half a day's journey from here, Señor,” he said, “is the village of Tacuzama, which we have never visited. I believe we could find many ounces of gold there. It’s worth a shot.”
Armstrong concurred, and they turned again upward toward Tacuzama. The trail was abrupt and precipitous, mounting through a dense forest. As night fell, dark and gloomy, Luis once more halted. Before them was a black chasm, bisecting the path as far as they could see.
Armstrong agreed, and they looked up again toward Tacuzama. The trail was steep and steeply inclined, cutting through a thick forest. As night came, dark and dreary, Luis stopped once more. In front of them was a dark ravine, splitting the path as far as the eye could see.
Luis dismounted. “There should be a bridge,” he called, and ran along the cleft a distance. “It is here,” he cried, and remounting, led the way. In a few moments Armstrong, heard a sound as though a thunderous drum were beating somewhere in the dark. It was the falling of the mules’ hoofs upon the bridge made of strong hides lashed to poles and stretched across the chasm. Half a mile further was Tacuzama. The village was a congregation of rock and mud huts set in the profundity of an obscure wood. As they rode in a sound inconsistent with that brooding solitude met their ears. From a long, low mud hut that they were nearing rose the glorious voice of a woman in song. The words were English, the air familiar to Armstrong’s memory, but not to his musical knowledge.
Luis got off his horse. “There should be a bridge,” he shouted, and ran along the gash for a bit. “It’s here!” he yelled, and after getting back on, he led the way. A moment later, Armstrong heard a sound like a thunderous drum beating somewhere in the dark. It was the sound of the mules' hooves on the bridge made of strong hides tied to poles and stretched across the chasm. Half a mile ahead was Tacuzama. The village was a group of rock and mud huts nestled deep in an obscure forest. As they rode in, a sound that contrasted with the quiet surrounding them reached their ears. From a long, low mud hut they were approaching rose the beautiful voice of a woman singing. The words were in English, the tune familiar to Armstrong’s memory, but unfamiliar to his musical knowledge.
He slipped from his mule and stole to a narrow window in one end of the house. Peering cautiously inside, he saw, within three feet of him, a woman of marvellous, imposing beauty, clothed in a splendid loose robe of leopard skins. The hut was packed close to the small space in which she stood with the squatting figures of Indians.
He got off his mule and quietly approached a narrow window at one end of the house. Looking inside carefully, he noticed, just three feet away, a woman of stunning, impressive beauty, wearing a magnificent flowing robe made of leopard skins. The small space where she stood was filled with Indians sitting close together.
The woman finished her song and seated herself close to the little window, as if grateful for the unpolluted air that entered it. When she had ceased several of the audience rose and cast little softly-falling bags at her feet. A harsh murmur—no doubt a barbarous kind of applause and comment—went through the grim assembly.
The woman finished her song and sat down next to the small window, seeming thankful for the fresh air coming in. When she stopped, several people from the audience stood up and threw small, soft bags at her feet. A rough murmur—probably a savage kind of applause and comment—spread through the stern group.
Armstrong, was used to seizing opportunities promptly. Taking advantage of the noise he called to the woman in a low but distinct voice: “Do not turn your head this way, but listen. I am an American. If you need assistance tell me how I can render it. Answer as briefly as you can.”
Armstrong was quick to seize opportunities. Taking advantage of the noise, he called to the woman in a low but clear voice: “Don’t turn your head this way, but listen. I’m an American. If you need help, let me know how I can assist you. Keep your answer brief.”
The woman was worthy of his boldness. Only by a sudden flush of her pale cheek did she acknowledge understanding of his words. Then she spoke, scarcely moving her lips.
The woman deserved his boldness. She only showed her understanding of his words with a quick blush on her pale cheek. Then she spoke, barely moving her lips.
“I am held a prisoner by these Indians. God knows I need help. In two hours come to the little hut twenty yards toward the Mountainside. There will be a light and a red curtain in the window. There is always a guard at the door, whom you will have to overcome. For the love of heaven, do not fail to come.”
“I’m being held captive by these Indians. God knows I need help. In two hours, go to the little hut twenty yards towards the Mountainside. There will be a light and a red curtain in the window. There’s always a guard at the door, who you will have to get past. For the love of heaven, please don’t forget to come.”
The story seems to shrink from adventure and rescue and mystery. The theme is one too gentle for those brave and quickening tones. And yet it reaches as far back as time itself. It has been named “environment,” which is as weak a word as any to express the unnameable kinship of man to nature, that queer fraternity that causes stones and trees and salt water and clouds to play upon our emotions. Why are we made serious and solemn and sublime by mountain heights, grave and contemplative by an abundance of overhanging trees, reduced to inconstancy and monkey capers by the ripples on a sandy beach? Did the protoplasm—but enough. The chemists are looking into the matter, and before long they will have all life in the table of the symbols.
The story seems to shy away from adventure, rescue, and mystery. The theme feels too gentle for those bold and exciting tones. Yet it goes back to the very beginning of time. It’s been called “environment,” which is a weak term to capture the indescribable connection between humans and nature, that odd bond that makes stones, trees, saltwater, and clouds stir our emotions. Why do we feel serious, solemn, and enlightened by mountain peaks, thoughtful and reflective under the shade of overhanging trees, but reduced to playfulness and chaos by the waves on a sandy beach? Did the basic life forms—but enough of that. The scientists are researching it, and soon they will categorize all of life in a table of symbols.
Briefly, then, in order to confine the story within scientific bounds, John Armstrong, went to the hut, choked the Indian guard and carried away Mlle. Giraud. With her was also conveyed a number of pounds of gold dust she had collected during her six months’ forced engagement in Tacuzama. The Carabobo Indians are easily the most enthusiastic lovers of music between the equator and the French Opera House in New Orleans. They are also strong believers that the advice of Emerson was good when he said: “The thing thou wantest, O discontented man —take it, and pay the price.” A number of them had attended the performance of the Alcazar Opera Company in Macuto, and found Mlle. Giraud’s style and technique satisfactory. They wanted her, so they took her one evening suddenly and without any fuss. They treated her with much consideration, exacting only one song recital each day. She was quite pleased at being rescued by Mr. Armstrong. So much for mystery and adventure. Now to resume the theory of the protoplasm.
Briefly, then, to keep the story within scientific limits, John Armstrong went to the hut, overpowered the Indian guard, and took Mlle. Giraud with him. Along with her, he also carried away several pounds of gold dust she had collected during her six months’ forced stay in Tacuzama. The Carabobo Indians are undoubtedly the most passionate music lovers between the equator and the French Opera House in New Orleans. They also firmly believe in Emerson's advice: “The thing you desire, O discontented man — take it, and pay the price.” Several of them had attended a performance by the Alcazar Opera Company in Macuto and found Mlle. Giraud’s style and technique satisfactory. They wanted her, so they took her one evening without any fuss. They treated her with great respect, requiring only one song recital each day. She was quite happy to be rescued by Mr. Armstrong. So much for mystery and adventure. Now let's get back to the theory of protoplasm.
John Armstrong and Mlle. Giraud rode among the Andean peaks, enveloped in their greatness and sublimity. The mightiest cousins, furthest removed, in nature’s great family become conscious of the tie. Among those huge piles of primordial upheaval, amid those gigantic silences and elongated fields of distance the littlenesses of men are precipitated as one chemical throws down a sediment from another. They moved reverently, as in a temple. Their souls were uplifted in unison with the stately heights. They travelled in a zone of majesty and peace.
John Armstrong and Mlle. Giraud rode among the Andean peaks, surrounded by their grandeur and beauty. The most powerful relatives, distant ones in nature’s vast family, became aware of their connection. Among those massive formations of ancient upheaval, amidst those gigantic silences and expansive landscapes, the smallness of humans was revealed like one chemical deposit settling from another. They moved respectfully, as if in a temple. Their spirits were lifted alongside the majestic heights. They traveled in a realm of greatness and tranquility.
To Armstrong the woman seemed almost a holy thing. Yet bathed in the white, still dignity of her martyrdom that purified her earthly beauty and gave out, it seemed, an aura of transcendent loveliness, in those first hours of companionship she drew from him an adoration that was half human love, half the worship of a descended goddess.
To Armstrong, the woman felt almost divine. Bathed in the pure, calm dignity of her martyrdom, which enhanced her earthly beauty and radiated what seemed like an aura of transcendent loveliness, she inspired in him, during those first hours of companionship, a mix of affection that was part human love and part the reverence for a goddess in human form.
Never yet since her rescue had she smiled. Over her dress she still wore the robe of leopard skins, for the mountain air was cold. She looked to be some splendid princess belonging to those wild and awesome altitudes. The spirit of the region chimed with hers. Her eyes were always turned upon the sombre cliffs, the blue gorges and the snow-clad turrets, looking a sublime melancholy equal to their own. At times on the journey she sang thrilling te deums and misereres that struck the true note of the hills, and made their route seem like a solemn march down a cathedral aisle. The rescued one spoke but seldom, her mood partaking of the hush of nature that surrounded them. Armstrong looked upon her as an angel. He could not bring himself to the sacrilege of attempting to woo her as other women may be wooed.
Never since her rescue had she smiled. Over her dress, she still wore the leopard skin robe because the mountain air was cold. She looked like a magnificent princess from those wild and breathtaking heights. The spirit of the region resonated with her. Her eyes were always focused on the dark cliffs, the blue gorges, and the snow-covered peaks, reflecting a sublime sadness that matched their own. At times during the journey, she sang powerful hymns and laments that captured the true essence of the hills, making their path feel like a solemn procession down a cathedral aisle. The rescued girl spoke very little, her mood blending with the stillness of the nature around them. Armstrong regarded her as an angel. He couldn’t bring himself to the sacrilege of trying to win her heart like he would with other women.
On the third day they had descended as far as the tierra templada, the zona of the table lands and foot hills. The mountains were receding in their rear, but still towered, exhibiting yet impressively their formidable heads. Here they met signs of man. They saw the white houses of coffee plantations gleam across the clearings. They struck into a road where they met travellers and pack-mules. Cattle were grazing on the slopes. They passed a little village where the round-eyed niños shrieked and called at sight of them.
On the third day, they had descended as far as the tierra templada, the zone of the plateaus and foothills. The mountains were falling behind them, but they still loomed, showing off their impressive peaks. Here, they encountered signs of humanity. They saw the white houses of coffee plantations shining across the clearings. They took a road where they came across travelers and pack mules. Cattle were grazing on the slopes. They passed a small village where the round-eyed niños squealed and shouted at the sight of them.
Mlle. Giraud laid aside her leopard-skin robe. It seemed to be a trifle incongruous now. In the mountains it had appeared fitting and natural. And if Armstrong was not mistaken she laid aside with it something of the high dignity of her demeanour. As the country became more populous and significant of comfortable life he saw, with a feeling of joy, that the exalted princess and priestess of the Andean peaks was changing to a woman—an earth woman, but no less enticing. A little colour crept to the surface of her marble cheek. She arranged the conventional dress that the removal of the robe now disclosed with the solicitous touch of one who is conscious of the eyes of others. She smoothed the careless sweep of her hair. A mundane interest, long latent in the chilling atmosphere of the ascetic peaks, showed in her eyes.
Mlle. Giraud set aside her leopard-skin robe. It felt a bit out of place now. In the mountains, it had seemed appropriate and natural. And if Armstrong wasn’t mistaken, she also shed some of the high dignity of her demeanor along with it. As the area became more populated and reflective of comfortable living, he felt joy as he saw the exalted princess and priestess of the Andean peaks transform into a woman—an earth woman, but still just as captivating. A hint of color appeared on her marble cheek. She adjusted the conventional dress revealed by the removal of the robe with the careful touch of someone aware of being watched. She smoothed the tousled strands of her hair. A down-to-earth curiosity, long buried in the chilly atmosphere of the ascetic peaks, sparkled in her eyes.
This thaw in his divinity sent Armstrong’s heart going faster. So might an Arctic explorer thrill at his first ken of green fields and liquescent waters. They were on a lower plane of earth and life and were succumbing to its peculiar, subtle influence. The austerity of the hills no longer thinned the air they breathed. About them was the breath of fruit and corn and builded homes, the comfortable smell of smoke and warm earth and the consolations man has placed between himself and the dust of his brother earth from which he sprung. While traversing those awful mountains, Mlle. Giraud had seemed to be wrapped in their spirit of reverent reserve. Was this that same woman—now palpitating, warm, eager, throbbing with conscious life and charm, feminine to her finger-tips? Pondering over this, Armstrong felt certain misgivings intrude upon his thoughts. He wished he could stop there with this changing creature, descending no farther. Here was the elevation and environment to which her nature seemed to respond with its best. He feared to go down upon the man-dominated levels. Would her spirit not yield still further in that artificial zone to which they were descending?
This shift in his divinity made Armstrong's heart race. It was similar to how an Arctic explorer might feel upon seeing green fields and flowing waters for the first time. They were on a lower level of earth and life and were yielding to its unique, subtle influence. The starkness of the hills no longer thinned the air they breathed. Surrounding them was the scent of fruit and corn and built homes, the comforting aroma of smoke and warm earth, and the comforts that humanity has created to separate itself from the dust of the earth from which it originated. While crossing those imposing mountains, Mlle. Giraud had seemed to embody their spirit of respectful restraint. Was this the same woman—now full of life, warmth, eagerness, and charm, completely feminine? As Armstrong contemplated this, he felt certain doubts creep into his mind. He wished he could stay there with this transforming woman, not going any lower. This was the elevation and setting to which her true nature seemed to respond best. He was afraid to descend to the man-controlled levels. Wouldn't her spirit diminish even more in the artificial environment they were heading toward?
Now from a little plateau they saw the sea flash at the edge of the green lowlands. Mlle. Giraud gave a little, catching sigh.
Now from a small plateau, they saw the sea sparkle at the edge of the green lowlands. Mlle. Giraud let out a small catching sigh.
“Oh! look, Mr. Armstrong, there is the sea! Isn’t it lovely? I’m so tired of mountains.” She heaved a pretty shoulder in a gesture of repugnance. “Those horrid Indians! Just think of what I suffered! Although I suppose I attained my ambition of becoming a stellar attraction, I wouldn’t care to repeat the engagement. It was very nice of you to bring me away. Tell me, Mr. Armstrong—honestly, now —do I look such an awful, awful fright? I haven’t looked into a mirror, you know, for months.”
“Oh! Look, Mr. Armstrong, there’s the ocean! Isn’t it beautiful? I’m so over mountains.” She shrugged her shoulder in a playful gesture of disgust. “Those terrible Indians! Just think of what I went through! Even though I guess I achieved my dream of becoming a big star, I wouldn’t want to go through that again. It was really nice of you to take me away. Tell me, Mr. Armstrong—honestly, do I look like a total mess? I haven’t seen myself in a mirror for months, you know.”
Armstrong made answer according to his changed moods. Also he laid his hand upon hers as it rested upon the horn of her saddle. Luis was at the head of the pack train and could not see. She allowed it to remain there, and her eyes smiled frankly into his.
Armstrong responded based on his shifting feelings. He placed his hand over hers as it rested on the saddle horn. Luis was at the front of the pack train and couldn’t see. She let her hand stay there, and her eyes smiled openly at him.
Then at sundown they dropped upon the coast level under the palms and lemons among the vivid greens and scarlets and ochres of the tierra caliente. They rode into Macuto, and saw the line of volatile bathers frolicking in the surf. The mountains were very far away.
Then at sunset they landed on the coast beneath the palms and lemon trees, surrounded by the bright greens, reds, and yellows of the tierra caliente. They rode into Macuto and saw a line of energetic bathers playing in the waves. The mountains were miles away.
Mlle. Giraud’s eyes were shining with a joy that could not have existed under the chaperonage of the mountain-tops. There were other spirits calling to her—nymphs of the orange groves, pixies from the chattering surf, imps, born of the music, the perfumes, colours and the insinuating presence of humanity. She laughed aloud, musically, at a sudden thought.
Mlle. Giraud’s eyes sparkled with a joy that couldn’t thrive under the supervision of the mountains. Other spirits were beckoning to her—nymphs from the orange groves, pixies from the lively surf, mischievous beings born from the music, scents, colors, and the enticing presence of people. She laughed out loud, melodiously, at a sudden thought.
“Won’t there be a sensation?” she called to Armstrong. “Don’t I wish I had an engagement just now, though! What a picnic the press agent would have! ‘Held a prisoner by a band of savage Indians subdued by the spell of her wonderful voice’—wouldn’t that make great stuff? But I guess I quit the game winner, anyhow—there ought to be a couple of thousand dollars in that sack of gold dust I collected as encores, don’t you think?”
“Isn’t there going to be a big deal?” she shouted to Armstrong. “I wish I had a story to tell right now! The press agent would have a field day! ‘Held captive by a tribe of fierce Indians tamed by the magic of her incredible voice’—wouldn’t that be amazing? But I guess I’m leaving the game as a winner anyway—there should be a couple of thousand dollars in that bag of gold dust I collected as encores, don’t you think?”
He left her at the door of the little Hotel de Buen Descansar, where she had stopped before. Two hours later he returned to the hotel. He glanced in at the open door of the little combined reception room and café.
He left her at the door of the small Hotel de Buen Descansar, where she had stayed before. Two hours later, he returned to the hotel. He peeked into the open door of the small reception area and café.
Half a dozen of Macuto’s representative social and official caballeros were distributed about the room. Señor Villablanca, the wealthy rubber concessionist, reposed his fat figure on two chairs, with an emollient smile beaming upon his chocolate-coloured face. Guilbert, the French mining engineer, leered through his polished nose-glasses. Colonel Mendez, of the regular army, in gold-laced uniform and fatuous grin, was busily extracting corks from champagne bottles. Other patterns of Macutian gallantry and fashion pranced and posed. The air was hazy with cigarette smoke. Wine dripped upon the floor.
Half a dozen of Macuto’s representative social and official caballeros were spread out around the room. Señor Villablanca, the wealthy rubber concessionaire, lounged his hefty figure on two chairs, with a soothing smile lighting up his chocolate-colored face. Guilbert, the French mining engineer, leered through his shiny glasses. Colonel Mendez, from the regular army, dressed in gold-laced uniform with a foolish grin, was busy popping corks from champagne bottles. Other examples of Macutian charm and style strutted and posed. The air was thick with cigarette smoke. Wine spilled on the floor.
Perched upon a table in the centre of the room in an attitude of easy preëminence was Mlle. Giraud. A chic costume of white lawn and cherry ribbons supplanted her travelling garb. There was a suggestion of lace, and a frill or two, with a discreet, small implication of hand-embroidered pink hosiery. Upon her lap rested a guitar. In her face was the light of resurrection, the peace of elysium attained through fire and suffering. She was singing to a lively accompaniment a little song:
Perched on a table in the center of the room with an air of confidence was Mlle. Giraud. She wore a stylish outfit made of white fabric with cherry ribbons, replacing her travel clothes. There was a hint of lace, a couple of frills, and a subtle touch of hand-embroidered pink stockings. A guitar rested in her lap. Her face radiated a newfound brightness, a serene joy achieved through hardship. She was singing a cheerful little song to a lively accompaniment:
“When you see de big round moon
Comin’ up like a balloon,
Dis nigger skips fur to kiss de lips
Ob his stylish, black-faced coon.”
“When you see the big round moon
Coming up like a balloon,
This guy skips over to kiss the lips
Of his stylish, black-faced buddy.”
The singer caught sight of Armstrong.
The singer spotted Armstrong.
“Hi! there, Johnny,” she called; “I’ve been expecting you for an hour. What kept you? Gee! but these smoked guys are the slowest you ever saw. They ain’t on, at all. Come along in, and I’ll make this coffee-coloured old sport with the gold epaulettes open one for you right off the ice.”
“Hey there, Johnny,” she called; “I’ve been waiting for you for an hour. What took you so long? Wow! These laid-back guys are slower than you can imagine. They’re not on the ball at all. Come on in, and I’ll get this coffee-colored old dude with the gold epaulettes to serve you one fresh off the ice.”
“Thank you,” said Armstrong; “not just now, I believe. I’ve several things to attend to.”
“Thanks,” said Armstrong, “but not right now, I think. I have a few things to take care of.”
He walked out and down the street, and met Rucker coming up from the Consulate.
He walked out and down the street, and ran into Rucker coming up from the Consulate.
“Play you a game of billiards,” said Armstrong. “I want something to take the taste of the sea level out of my mouth.”
“Let’s play a game of billiards,” said Armstrong. “I need something to get the taste of sea level out of my mouth.”
VI
“GIRL”
In gilt letters on the ground glass of the door of room No. 962 were the words: “Robbins & Hartley, Brokers.” The clerks had gone. It was past five, and with the solid tramp of a drove of prize Percherons, scrub-women were invading the cloud-capped twenty-story office building. A puff of red-hot air flavoured with lemon peelings, soft-coal smoke and train oil came in through the half-open windows.
In gold letters on the frosted glass of the door to room No. 962 were the words: “Robbins & Hartley, Brokers.” The clerks were gone. It was past five, and with the heavy footsteps of a herd of prize Percherons, janitors were entering the tall twenty-story office building. A burst of hot air, mixed with lemon peels, coal smoke, and train oil, flowed in through the half-open windows.
Robbins, fifty, something of an overweight beau, and addicted to first nights and hotel palm-rooms, pretended to be envious of his partner’s commuter’s joys.
Robbins, fifty and a bit overweight, loved first nights and hotel lounges, pretended to be jealous of his partner’s commuting perks.
“Going to be something doing in the humidity line to-night,” he said. “You out-of-town chaps will be the people, with your katydids and moonlight and long drinks and things out on the front porch.”
“There's going to be something happening with the humidity tonight,” he said. “You folks from out of town will be the ones enjoying your katydids and moonlight and long drinks on the front porch.”
Hartley, twenty-nine, serious, thin, good-looking, nervous, sighed and frowned a little.
Hartley, twenty-nine, serious, slim, attractive, anxious, sighed and frowned slightly.
“Yes,” said he, “we always have cool nights in Floralhurst, especially in the winter.”
“Yes,” he said, “we always have cool nights in Floralhurst, especially in the winter.”
A man with an air of mystery came in the door and went up to Hartley.
A mysterious man walked in the door and approached Hartley.
“I’ve found where she lives,” he announced in the portentous half-whisper that makes the detective at work a marked being to his fellow men.
“I’ve found where she lives,” he said in that intense half-whisper that makes a detective stand out to everyone around him.
Hartley scowled him into a state of dramatic silence and quietude. But by that time Robbins had got his cane and set his tie pin to his liking, and with a debonair nod went out to his metropolitan amusements.
Hartley glared at him into a state of dramatic silence and stillness. But by that point, Robbins had grabbed his cane and adjusted his tie pin to his satisfaction, and with a charming nod headed out to enjoy his city adventures.
“Here is the address,” said the detective in a natural tone, being deprived of an audience to foil.
“Here’s the address,” said the detective in a casual tone, lacking an audience to manipulate.
Hartley took the leaf torn out of the sleuth’s dingy memorandum book. On it were pencilled the words “Vivienne Arlington, No. 341 East ––––th Street, care of Mrs. McComus.”
Hartley took the page ripped from the detective's worn memo book. Written on it in pencil were the words "Vivienne Arlington, No. 341 East ––––th Street, care of Mrs. McComus."
“Moved there a week ago,” said the detective. “Now, if you want any shadowing done, Mr. Hartley, I can do you as fine a job in that line as anybody in the city. It will be only $7 a day and expenses. Can send in a daily typewritten report, covering—”
“Moved there a week ago,” said the detective. “Now, if you want any surveillance done, Mr. Hartley, I can do you a great job in that area, just like anyone else in the city. It’ll only be $7 a day plus expenses. I can send in a daily typed report, covering—”
“You needn’t go on,” interrupted the broker. “It isn’t a case of that kind. I merely wanted the address. How much shall I pay you?”
“You don't have to continue,” interrupted the broker. “This isn't that kind of situation. I just wanted the address. How much do I owe you?”
“One day’s work,” said the sleuth. “A tenner will cover it.”
“Just one day’s work,” said the detective. “A tenner will do it.”
Hartley paid the man and dismissed him. Then he left the office and boarded a Broadway car. At the first large crosstown artery of travel he took an eastbound car that deposited him in a decaying avenue, whose ancient structures once sheltered the pride and glory of the town.
Hartley paid the man and sent him on his way. Then he left the office and got on a Broadway streetcar. At the first big crosstown intersection, he took an eastbound car that dropped him off on a rundown avenue, whose old buildings used to represent the pride and glory of the town.
Walking a few squares, he came to the building that he sought. It was a new flathouse, bearing carved upon its cheap stone portal its sonorous name, “The Vallambrosa.” Fire-escapes zigzagged down its front—these laden with household goods, drying clothes, and squalling children evicted by the midsummer heat. Here and there a pale rubber plant peeped from the miscellaneous mass, as if wondering to what kingdom it belonged—vegetable, animal or artificial.
Walking a few blocks, he arrived at the building he was looking for. It was a new apartment complex, with its fancy name, “The Vallambrosa,” carved into its cheap stone entrance. Fire escapes zigzagged down the front, cluttered with household items, drying clothes, and noisy children kicked out by the midsummer heat. Every now and then, a pale rubber plant peeked out from the jumble, as if wondering which kingdom it belonged to—plant, animal, or artificial.
Hartley pressed the “McComus” button. The door latch clicked spasmodically—now hospitably, now doubtfully, as though in anxiety whether it might be admitting friends or duns. Hartley entered and began to climb the stairs after the manner of those who seek their friends in city flat-houses—which is the manner of a boy who climbs an apple-tree, stopping when he comes upon what he wants.
Hartley pressed the “McComus” button. The door latch clicked erratically—sometimes welcoming, sometimes hesitant, as if unsure whether it was letting in friends or debt collectors. Hartley walked in and started to head up the stairs like those looking for friends in apartment buildings—like a kid climbing an apple tree, stopping when he reached what he was looking for.
On the fourth floor he saw Vivienne standing in an open door. She invited him inside, with a nod and a bright, genuine smile. She placed a chair for him near a window, and poised herself gracefully upon the edge of one of those Jekyll-and-Hyde pieces of furniture that are masked and mysteriously hooded, unguessable bulks by day and inquisitorial racks of torture by night.
On the fourth floor, he saw Vivienne standing in an open doorway. She welcomed him inside with a nod and a warm, genuine smile. She set a chair for him by the window and elegantly perched herself on the edge of one of those Jekyll-and-Hyde pieces of furniture that look obscure and mysterious during the day but turn into intimidating racks of torture by night.
Hartley cast a quick, critical, appreciative glance at her before speaking, and told himself that his taste in choosing had been flawless.
Hartley took a quick, critical, appreciative look at her before speaking and told himself that his choice had been perfect.
Vivienne was about twenty-one. She was of the purest Saxon type. Her hair was a ruddy golden, each filament of the neatly gathered mass shining with its own lustre and delicate graduation of colour. In perfect harmony were her ivory-clear complexion and deep sea-blue eyes that looked upon the world with the ingenuous calmness of a mermaid or the pixie of an undiscovered mountain stream. Her frame was strong and yet possessed the grace of absolute naturalness. And yet with all her Northern clearness and frankness of line and colouring, there seemed to be something of the tropics in her—something of languor in the droop of her pose, of love of ease in her ingenious complacency of satisfaction and comfort in the mere act of breathing—something that seemed to claim for her a right as a perfect work of nature to exist and be admired equally with a rare flower or some beautiful, milk-white dove among its sober-hued companions.
Vivienne was around twenty-one. She was the epitome of the purest Saxon look. Her hair was a vibrant golden, each strand of the neatly gathered mass shining with its own brilliance and subtle variation in color. Her ivory-clear complexion perfectly matched her deep sea-blue eyes, which regarded the world with the innocent calmness of a mermaid or the playful spirit of an undiscovered mountain stream. Her body was strong yet possessed the grace of complete naturalness. Despite her Northern clarity and the straightforwardness of her features and coloring, there was something tropical about her—something languorous in the way she carried herself, a love for leisure in her clever satisfaction and comfort in the simple act of breathing—something that seemed to entitle her, as a flawless work of nature, to exist and be admired just like a rare flower or a beautiful, milk-white dove among its more subdued companions.
She was dressed in a white waist and dark skirt—that discreet masquerade of goose-girl and duchess.
She was wearing a white top and a dark skirt—that subtle disguise of a goose girl and a duchess.
“Vivienne,” said Hartley, looking at her pleadingly, “you did not answer my last letter. It was only by nearly a week’s search that I found where you had moved to. Why have you kept me in suspense when you knew how anxiously I was waiting to see you and hear from you?”
“Vivienne,” Hartley said, looking at her earnestly, “you didn’t reply to my last letter. It took me almost a week to find out where you had moved. Why have you left me in suspense when you knew how eagerly I was waiting to see you and hear from you?”
The girl looked out the window dreamily.
The girl gazed out the window, lost in thought.
“Mr. Hartley,” she said hesitatingly, “I hardly know what to say to you. I realize all the advantages of your offer, and sometimes I feel sure that I could be contented with you. But, again, I am doubtful. I was born a city girl, and I am afraid to bind myself to a quiet suburban life.”
“Mr. Hartley,” she said hesitantly, “I’m not really sure how to talk to you. I see all the perks of your offer, and at times, I genuinely think I could be happy with you. But then again, I have my doubts. I grew up in the city, and I’m scared to commit to a calm suburban life.”
“My dear girl,” said Hartley, ardently, “have I not told you that you shall have everything that your heart can desire that is in my power to give you? You shall come to the city for the theatres, for shopping and to visit your friends as often as you care to. You can trust me, can you not?”
“My dear girl,” Hartley said passionately, “haven’t I told you that you’ll have everything your heart desires that I can give you? You can come to the city for the theaters, for shopping, and to visit your friends as often as you want. You can trust me, right?”
“To the fullest,” she said, turning her frank eyes upon him with a smile. “I know you are the kindest of men, and that the girl you get will be a lucky one. I learned all about you when I was at the Montgomerys’.”
“To the fullest,” she said, turning her honest eyes toward him with a smile. “I know you’re the kindest guy, and the girl you end up with will be really lucky. I found out all about you when I was at the Montgomerys’.”
“Ah!” exclaimed Hartley, with a tender, reminiscent light in his eye; “I remember well the evening I first saw you at the Montgomerys’. Mrs. Montgomery was sounding your praises to me all the evening. And she hardly did you justice. I shall never forget that supper. Come, Vivienne, promise me. I want you. You’ll never regret coming with me. No one else will ever give you as pleasant a home.”
“Ah!” Hartley said, a soft, nostalgic gleam in his eye. “I vividly remember the evening I first saw you at the Montgomerys’. Mrs. Montgomery was singing your praises all night. She barely did you justice. I’ll never forget that dinner. Come on, Vivienne, promise me. I want you. You won’t regret coming with me. No one else will ever offer you a home as welcoming as mine.”
The girl sighed and looked down at her folded hands.
The girl sighed and stared at her folded hands.
A sudden jealous suspicion seized Hartley.
A sudden feeling of jealousy took hold of Hartley.
“Tell me, Vivienne,” he asked, regarding her keenly, “is there another—is there some one else?”
“Tell me, Vivienne,” he asked, looking at her intently, “is there someone else?”
A rosy flush crept slowly over her fair cheeks and neck.
A warm blush spread gradually across her pale cheeks and neck.
“You shouldn’t ask that, Mr. Hartley,” she said, in some confusion. “But I will tell you. There is one other—but he has no right—I have promised him nothing.”
“You shouldn’t ask that, Mr. Hartley,” she said, slightly confused. “But I will tell you. There is one other—but he has no claim—I haven’t promised him anything.”
“His name?” demanded Hartley, sternly.
“What's his name?” demanded Hartley, sternly.
“Townsend.”
"Townsend."
“Rafford Townsend!” exclaimed Hartley, with a grim tightening of his jaw. “How did that man come to know you? After all I’ve done for him—”
“Rafford Townsend!” Hartley exclaimed, his jaw tightening grimly. “How did that guy come to know you? After everything I’ve done for him—”
“His auto has just stopped below,” said Vivienne, bending over the window-sill. “He’s coming for his answer. Oh I don’t know what to do!”
“His car just broke down below,” said Vivienne, leaning over the window sill. “He’s coming for his answer. Oh, I don’t know what to do!”
The bell in the flat kitchen whirred. Vivienne hurried to press the latch button.
The bell in the small kitchen buzzed. Vivienne quickly rushed to press the latch button.
“Stay here,” said Hartley. “I will meet him in the hall.”
“Stay here,” Hartley said. “I’ll meet him in the hallway.”
Townsend, looking like a Spanish grandee in his light tweeds, Panama hat and curling black mustache, came up the stairs three at a time. He stopped at sight of Hartley and looked foolish.
Townsend, looking like a wealthy Spanish gentleman in his light tweeds, Panama hat, and curled black mustache, dashed up the stairs three at a time. He paused when he saw Hartley and felt embarrassed.
“Go back,” said Hartley, firmly, pointing downstairs with his forefinger.
“Go back,” Hartley said firmly, pointing downstairs with his index finger.
“Hullo!” said Townsend, feigning surprise. “What’s up? What are you doing here, old man?”
“Hullo!” said Townsend, pretending to be surprised. “What’s going on? What are you doing here, old man?”
“Go back,” repeated Hartley, inflexibly. “The Law of the Jungle. Do you want the Pack to tear you in pieces? The kill is mine.”
“Go back,” Hartley said firmly. “The Law of the Jungle. Do you want the Pack to rip you apart? The kill is mine.”
“I came here to see a plumber about the bathroom connections,” said Townsend, bravely.
“I came here to talk to a plumber about the bathroom connections,” said Townsend, confidently.
“All right,” said Hartley. “You shall have that lying plaster to stick upon your traitorous soul. But, go back.” Townsend went downstairs, leaving a bitter word to be wafted up the draught of the staircase. Hartley went back to his wooing.
“All right,” said Hartley. “You can have that lying plaster to cover your treacherous soul. But, go back.” Townsend went downstairs, leaving a bitter remark that floated up the draft of the staircase. Hartley returned to his courting.
“Vivienne,” said he, masterfully. “I have got to have you. I will take no more refusals or dilly-dallying.”
“Vivienne,” he said confidently. “I need you. I won't accept any more refusals or delays.”
“When do you want me?” she asked.
“When do you want me?” she asked.
“Now. As soon as you can get ready.”
“Now. Get ready as quickly as you can.”
She stood calmly before him and looked him in the eye.
She stood calmly in front of him and looked him in the eye.
“Do you think for one moment,” she said, “that I would enter your home while Héloise is there?”
“Do you really think for a second,” she said, “that I would step into your home while Héloise is around?”
Hartley cringed as if from an unexpected blow. He folded his arms and paced the carpet once or twice.
Hartley flinched as if hit by a surprise punch. He crossed his arms and walked back and forth on the carpet a couple of times.
“She shall go,” he declared grimly. Drops stood upon his brow. “Why should I let that woman make my life miserable? Never have I seen one day of freedom from trouble since I have known her. You are right, Vivienne. Héloise must be sent away before I can take you home. But she shall go. I have decided. I will turn her from my doors.”
“She'll go,” he said firmly, beads of sweat on his forehead. “Why should I let that woman ruin my life? I haven't had a single trouble-free day since I’ve known her. You’re right, Vivienne. Héloise has to be sent away before I can take you home. But she will go. I've made up my mind. I’ll refuse her at my door.”
“When will you do this?” asked the girl.
“When are you going to do this?” asked the girl.
Hartley clinched his teeth and bent his brows together.
Hartley gritted his teeth and frowned.
“To-night,” he said, resolutely. “I will send her away to-night.”
“To night,” he said firmly. “I will send her away tonight.”
“Then,” said Vivienne, “my answer is ‘yes.’ Come for me when you will.”
“Then,” said Vivienne, “my answer is ‘yes.’ Come for me whenever you’re ready.”
She looked into his eyes with a sweet, sincere light in her own. Hartley could scarcely believe that her surrender was true, it was so swift and complete.
She looked into his eyes with a gentle, genuine light in her own. Hartley could hardly believe that her surrender was real; it was so sudden and total.
“Promise me,” he said feelingly, “on your word and honour.”
“Promise me,” he said earnestly, “on your word and honor.”
“On my word and honour,” repeated Vivienne, softly.
“On my word and honor,” Vivienne repeated softly.
At the door he turned and gazed at her happily, but yet as one who scarcely trusts the foundations of his joy.
At the door, he turned and looked at her with happiness, but also like someone who barely trusts the basis of his joy.
“To-morrow,” he said, with a forefinger of reminder uplifted.
“Tomorrow,” he said, raising a finger as a reminder.
“To-morrow,” she repeated with a smile of truth and candour.
“Tomorrow,” she repeated with a smile of sincerity and openness.
In an hour and forty minutes Hartley stepped off the train at Floralhurst. A brisk walk of ten minutes brought him to the gate of a handsome two-story cottage set upon a wide and well-tended lawn. Halfway to the house he was met by a woman with jet-black braided hair and flowing white summer gown, who half strangled him without apparent cause.
In an hour and forty minutes, Hartley got off the train at Floralhurst. A quick ten-minute walk took him to the gate of a beautiful two-story cottage sitting on a spacious, well-kept lawn. Halfway to the house, he was greeted by a woman with long, jet-black braided hair wearing a flowing white summer dress, who unexpectedly hugged him tightly.
When they stepped into the hall she said:
When they walked into the hall, she said:
“Mamma’s here. The auto is coming for her in half an hour. She came to dinner, but there’s no dinner.”
“Mama's here. The car is coming for her in half an hour. She came for dinner, but there’s no dinner.”
“I’ve something to tell you,” said Hartley. “I thought to break it to you gently, but since your mother is here we may as well out with it.”
“I have something to tell you,” Hartley said. “I planned to ease you into it, but since your mother is here, we might as well just say it.”
He stooped and whispered something at her ear.
He leaned down and whispered something in her ear.
His wife screamed. Her mother came running into the hall. The dark-haired woman screamed again—the joyful scream of a well-beloved and petted woman.
His wife screamed. Her mother rushed into the hall. The dark-haired woman screamed again—the joyful scream of someone who is well-loved and pampered.
“Oh, mamma!” she cried ecstatically, “what do you think? Vivienne is coming to cook for us! She is the one that stayed with the Montgomerys a whole year. And now, Billy, dear,” she concluded, “you must go right down into the kitchen and discharge Héloise. She has been drunk again the whole day long.”
“Oh, Mom!” she exclaimed excitedly, “guess what? Vivienne is coming to cook for us! She stayed with the Montgomerys for a whole year. And now, Billy, sweetheart,” she finished, “you need to go right down to the kitchen and let Héloise go. She’s been drunk all day again.”
VII
SOCIOLOGY IN SERGE AND STRAW
The season of irresponsibility is at hand. Come, let us twine round our brows wreaths of poison ivy (that is for idiocy), and wander hand in hand with sociology in the summer fields.
The season of irresponsibility is upon us. Come, let’s wrap our heads in wreaths of poison ivy (that’s for foolishness), and stroll hand in hand with sociology through the summer fields.
Likely as not the world is flat. The wise men have tried to prove that it is round, with indifferent success. They pointed out to us a ship going to sea, and bade us observe that, at length, the convexity of the earth hid from our view all but the vessel’s topmast. But we picked up a telescope and looked, and saw the decks and hull again. Then the wise men said: “Oh, pshaw! anyhow, the variation of the intersection of the equator and the ecliptic proves it.” We could not see this through our telescope, so we remained silent. But it stands to reason that, if the world were round, the queues of Chinamen would stand straight up from their heads instead of hanging down their backs, as travellers assure us they do.
Likely enough, the world is flat. The scholars have tried to prove it’s round, with mixed results. They pointed out a ship sailing away and told us to notice that eventually the curvature of the Earth made everything except the ship’s topmast disappear from view. But we grabbed a telescope and looked, and we could see the decks and hull again. Then the scholars said, “Oh, come on! Anyway, the way the equator and the ecliptic intersect proves it.” We couldn’t see that through our telescope, so we stayed quiet. But it makes sense that if the world were round, the queues of Chinese men would stick straight up from their heads instead of hanging down their backs, as travelers tell us they do.
Another hot-weather corroboration of the flat theory is the fact that all of life, as we know it, moves in little, unavailing circles. More justly than to anything else, it can be likened to the game of baseball. Crack! we hit the ball, and away we go. If we earn a run (in life we call it success) we get back to the home plate and sit upon a bench. If we are thrown out, we walk back to the home plate—and sit upon a bench.
Another hot-weather confirmation of the flat theory is the fact that all of life, as we know it, moves in small, ineffective circles. More accurately than anything else, it can be compared to the game of baseball. Crack! We hit the ball, and off we go. If we score a run (which in life we call success), we return to home plate and sit on a bench. If we get out, we walk back to home plate—and sit on a bench.
The circumnavigators of the alleged globe may have sailed the rim of a watery circle back to the same port again. The truly great return at the high tide of their attainments to the simplicity of a child. The billionaire sits down at his mahogany to his bowl of bread and milk. When you reach the end of your career, just take down the sign “Goal” and look at the other side of it. You will find “Beginning Point” there. It has been reversed while you were going around the track.
The people who traveled around what they thought was a globe might have circled back to the same shore. The truly great return, at the peak of their achievements, to the innocence of a child. The billionaire sits down at his mahogany table with a bowl of bread and milk. When you reach the end of your career, just flip over the sign that says “Goal” and look at the other side. You’ll see “Beginning Point” there. It gets flipped while you're making your way around the track.
But this is humour, and must be stopped. Let us get back to the serious questions that arise whenever Sociology turns summer boarder. You are invited to consider the scene of the story—wild, Atlantic waves, thundering against a wooded and rock-bound shore—in the Greater City of New York.
But this is humor, and it needs to be put aside. Let's return to the serious questions that come up whenever Sociology takes a summer break. You're invited to picture the setting of the story—wild Atlantic waves crashing against a wooded and rocky shoreline—in the Greater City of New York.
The town of Fishampton, on the south shore of Long Island, is noted for its clam fritters and the summer residence of the Van Plushvelts.
The town of Fishampton, on the south shore of Long Island, is famous for its clam fritters and the summer home of the Van Plushvelts.
The Van Plushvelts have a hundred million dollars, and their name is a household word with tradesmen and photographers.
The Van Plushvelts have a hundred million dollars, and their name is well-known among tradespeople and photographers.
On the fifteenth of June the Van Plushvelts boarded up the front door of their city house, carefully deposited their cat on the sidewalk, instructed the caretaker not to allow it to eat any of the ivy on the walls, and whizzed away in a 40-horse-power to Fishampton to stray alone in the shade—Amaryllis not being in their class. If you are a subscriber to the Toadies’ Magazine, you have often—You say you are not? Well, you buy it at a news-stand, thinking that the newsdealer is not wise to you. But he knows about it all. HE knows—HE knows! I say that you have often seen in the Toadies’ Magazine pictures of the Van Plushvelts’ summer home; so it will not be described here. Our business is with young Haywood Van Plushvelt, sixteen years old, heir to the century of millions, darling of the financial gods and great grandson of Peter Van Plushvelt, former owner of a particularly fine cabbage patch that has been ruined by an intrusive lot of downtown skyscrapers.
On June 15th, the Van Plushvelts boarded up the front door of their city house, carefully set their cat down on the sidewalk, told the caretaker not to let it eat any of the ivy on the walls, and sped off in a 40-horsepower car to Fishampton to roam in the shade—since Amaryllis wasn’t part of their social circle. If you read Toadies’ Magazine, you’ve probably—What? You don’t? Well, you grab it at a newsstand, hoping the vendor doesn’t catch on. But he knows—he knows! I’m saying you’ve likely seen in Toadies’ Magazine pictures of the Van Plushvelts’ summer home, so we won’t describe it here. Our focus is on young Haywood Van Plushvelt, sixteen years old, heir to a fortune, beloved by the financial elite, and great-grandson of Peter Van Plushvelt, the former owner of a prime cabbage patch that was ruined by encroaching downtown skyscrapers.
One afternoon young Haywood Van Plushvelt strolled out between the granite gate posts of “Dolce far Niente”—that’s what they called the place; and it was an improvement on dolce Far Rockaway, I can tell you.
One afternoon, young Haywood Van Plushvelt walked out between the granite gateposts of “Dolce far Niente”—that’s what they called the place; and it was definitely an upgrade from dolce Far Rockaway, I can tell you.
Haywood walked down into the village. He was human, after all, and his prospective millions weighed upon him. Wealth had wreaked upon him its direfullest. He was the product of private tutors. Even under his first hobby-horse had tan bark been strewn. He had been born with a gold spoon, lobster fork and fish-set in his mouth. For which I hope, later, to submit justification, I must ask your consideration of his haberdashery and tailoring.
Haywood walked down into the village. He was human, after all, and the prospect of millions hung heavy on him. Wealth had brought him its worst troubles. He had been shaped by private tutors. Even under his first riding toy, there had been tan bark spread out. He was born with a silver spoon, a lobster fork, and a fish knife in his mouth. For which I hope to provide justification later, I must ask you to consider his clothing and style.
Young Fortunatus was dressed in a neat suit of dark blue serge, a neat, white straw hat, neat low-cut tan shoes, of the well-known “immaculate” trade mark, a neat, narrow four-in-hand tie, and carried a slender, neat, bamboo cane.
Young Fortunatus was dressed in a tidy dark blue suit, a crisp white straw hat, stylish low-cut tan shoes from the well-known “immaculate” brand, a slim narrow tie, and carried a sleek bamboo cane.
Down Persimmon Street (there’s never tree north of Hagerstown, Md.) came from the village “Smoky” Dodson, fifteen and a half, worst boy in Fishampton. “Smoky” was dressed in a ragged red sweater, wrecked and weather-worn golf cap, run-over shoes, and trousers of the “serviceable” brand. Dust, clinging to the moisture induced by free exercise, darkened wide areas of his face. “Smoky” carried a baseball bat, and a league ball that advertised itself in the rotundity of his trousers pocket. Haywood stopped and passed the time of day.
Down Persimmon Street (there’s never a tree north of Hagerstown, Md.) came the village’s “Smoky” Dodson, fifteen and a half, the worst kid in Fishampton. “Smoky” was wearing a ragged red sweater, a beat-up and weathered golf cap, scuffed shoes, and “serviceable” trousers. Dust, sticking to the moisture from his exercise, darkened large patches of his face. “Smoky” had a baseball bat and a league ball that bulged in his trousers pocket. Haywood stopped and chatted for a bit.
“Going to play ball?” he asked.
“Are you going to play ball?” he asked.
“Smoky’s” eyes and countenance confronted him with a frank blue-and-freckled scrutiny.
“Smoky’s” eyes and face met his gaze with an honest blue-and-freckled scrutiny.
“Me?” he said, with deadly mildness; “sure not. Can’t you see I’ve got a divin’ suit on? I’m goin’ up in a submarine balloon to catch butterflies with a two-inch auger.
“Me?” he said, with a calm demeanor; “of course not. Can’t you see I’m wearing a diving suit? I’m going up in a submarine balloon to catch butterflies with a two-inch auger.
“Excuse me,” said Haywood, with the insulting politeness of his caste, “for mistaking you for a gentleman. I might have known better.”
“Excuse me,” said Haywood, with the sarcastic politeness of his class, “for thinking you were a gentleman. I should have known better.”
“How might you have known better if you thought I was one?” said “Smoky,” unconsciously a logician.
“How could you have known better if you thought I was one?” said “Smoky,” unknowingly sounding like a logician.
“By your appearance,” said Haywood. “No gentleman is dirty, ragged and a liar.”
“By the way you look,” said Haywood. “No gentleman is unkempt, shabby, and dishonest.”
“Smoky” hooted once like a ferry-boat, spat on his hand, got a firm grip on his baseball bat and then dropped it against the fence.
“Smoky” hooted once like a ferryboat, spat on his hand, got a solid grip on his baseball bat, and then leaned it against the fence.
“Say,” said he, “I knows you. You’re the pup that belongs in that swell private summer sanitarium for city-guys over there. I seen you come out of the gate. You can’t bluff nobody because you’re rich. And because you got on swell clothes. Arabella! Yah!”
“Hey,” he said, “I know you. You’re the kid from that fancy private summer resort for city folks over there. I saw you come out of the gate. You can’t fool anyone just because you’re wealthy. And just because you’re wearing nice clothes. Arabella! Yeah!”
“Ragamuffin!” said Haywood.
“Ragamuffin!” Haywood exclaimed.
“Smoky” picked up a fence-rail splinter and laid it on his shoulder.
“Smoky” picked up a splinter from the fence rail and rested it on his shoulder.
“Dare you to knock it off,” he challenged.
“Go ahead and knock it off,” he challenged.
“I wouldn’t soil my hands with you,” said the aristocrat.
“I wouldn’t dirty my hands with you,” said the aristocrat.
“’Fraid,” said “Smoky” concisely. “Youse city-ducks ain’t got the sand. I kin lick you with one-hand.”
“Afraid,” said “Smoky” briefly. “You city ducks don’t have what it takes. I can beat you with one hand.”
“I don’t wish to have any trouble with you,” said Haywood. “I asked you a civil question; and you replied, like a—like a—a cad.”
“I don’t want any trouble with you,” Haywood said. “I asked you a polite question, and you responded, like a—like a—a jerk.”
“Wot’s a cad?” asked “Smoky.”
“What’s a cad?” asked “Smoky.”
“A cad is a disagreeable person,” answered Haywood, “who lacks manners and doesn’t know his place. They sometimes play baseball.”
“A cad is an unpleasant person,” Haywood replied, “who has no manners and doesn't know their place. They sometimes play baseball.”
“I can tell you what a mollycoddle is,” said “Smoky.” “It’s a monkey dressed up by its mother and sent out to pick daisies on the lawn.”
“I can tell you what a mollycoddle is,” said “Smoky.” “It’s a monkey dressed up by its mom and sent out to pick daisies on the lawn.”
“When you have the honour to refer to the members of my family,” said Haywood, with some dim ideas of a code in his mind, “you’d better leave the ladies out of your remarks.”
“When you have the honor to refer to my family members,” said Haywood, with some vague thoughts of a code in his mind, “you’d better leave the ladies out of your comments.”
“Ho! ladies!” mocked the rude one. “I say ladies! I know what them rich women in the city does. They drink cocktails and swear and give parties to gorillas. The papers say so.”
“Hey, ladies!” sneered the rude one. “I mean ladies! I know what those wealthy women in the city do. They drink cocktails, curse, and throw parties for gorillas. The papers say so.”
Then Haywood knew that it must be. He took off his coat, folded it neatly and laid it on the roadside grass, placed his hat upon it and began to unknot his blue silk tie.
Then Haywood realized that it had to be. He took off his coat, folded it neatly, and laid it on the grass by the road, placed his hat on top of it, and started to untie his blue silk tie.
“Hadn’t yer better ring fer yer maid, Arabella?” taunted “Smoky.” “Wot yer going to do—go to bed?”
“Shouldn’t you call for your maid, Arabella?” teased “Smoky.” “What are you going to do—go to bed?”
“I’m going to give you a good trouncing,” said the hero. He did not hesitate, although the enemy was far beneath him socially. He remembered that his father once thrashed a cabman, and the papers gave it two columns, first page. And the Toadies’ Magazine had a special article on Upper Cuts by the Upper Classes, and ran new pictures of the Van Plushvelt country seat, at Fishampton.
“I’m going to give you a good beating,” said the hero. He didn’t hesitate, even though the enemy was much lower than him socially. He recalled that his father once beat up a cab driver, and the newspapers covered it with two columns on the front page. And Toadies’ Magazine had a special article on Upper Cuts by the Upper Classes, featuring new pictures of the Van Plushvelt country estate in Fishampton.
“Wot’s trouncing?” asked “Smoky,” suspiciously. “I don’t want your old clothes. I’m no—oh, you mean to scrap! My, my! I won’t do a thing to mamma’s pet. Criminy! I’d hate to be a hand-laundered thing like you.
“What's trouncing?” asked “Smoky,” suspiciously. “I don’t want your old clothes. I’m no—oh, you mean to scrap! Wow! I won’t do anything to mom’s pet. Good grief! I’d hate to be a hand-laundered thing like you.
“Smoky” waited with some awkwardness for his adversary to prepare for battle. His own decks were always clear for action. When he should spit upon the palm of his terrible right it was equivalent to “You may fire now, Gridley.”
“Smoky” waited uncomfortably for his opponent to get ready for battle. His own decks were always ready for action. When he spat in the palm of his formidable right hand, it was like saying, “You can fire now, Gridley.”
The hated patrician advanced, with his shirt sleeves neatly rolled up. “Smoky” waited, in an attitude of ease, expecting the affair to be conducted according to Fishampton’s rules of war. These allowed combat to be prefaced by stigma, recrimination, epithet, abuse and insult gradually increasing in emphasis and degree. After a round of these “you’re anothers” would come the chip knocked from the shoulder, or the advance across the “dare” line drawn with a toe on the ground. Next light taps given and taken, these also increasing in force until finally the blood was up and fists going at their best.
The despised patrician moved forward, his shirt sleeves rolled up neatly. “Smoky” waited comfortably, expecting the situation to play out according to Fishampton’s rules of engagement. These rules permitted the fight to start with stigma, accusations, insults, and gradually escalating abuse. After exchanging a few of these “you’re anothers,” it would lead to someone knocking the chip off the other’s shoulder or stepping over the “dare” line marked by a toe on the ground. Then, there would be light jabs exchanged, which would increase in intensity until things escalated and fists were flying at full strength.
But Haywood did not know Fishampton’s rules. Noblesse oblige kept a faint smile on his face as he walked slowly up to “Smoky” and said:
But Haywood didn’t know Fishampton’s rules. Noblesse oblige kept a faint smile on his face as he walked slowly up to “Smoky” and said:
“Going to play ball?”
"Going to play sports?"
“Smoky” quickly understood this to be a putting of the previous question, giving him the chance to make practical apology by answering it with civility and relevance.
“Smoky” quickly realized this was a restatement of the previous question, giving him the opportunity to offer a sincere apology by responding to it with politeness and relevance.
“Listen this time,” said he. “I’m goin’ skatin’ on the river. Don’t you see me automobile with Chinese lanterns on it standin’ and waitin’ for me?”
“Listen this time,” he said. “I’m going skating on the river. Don’t you see my car with Chinese lanterns on it standing and waiting for me?”
Haywood knocked him down.
Haywood knocked him down.
“Smoky” felt wronged. To thus deprive him of preliminary wrangle and objurgation was to send an armoured knight full tilt against a crashing lance without permitting him first to caracole around the list to the flourish of trumpets. But he scrambled up and fell upon his foe, head, feet and fists.
“Smoky” felt wronged. To deprive him of the chance to argue and complain was like sending an armored knight charging at a crashing lance without allowing him to first circle the arena to the sound of trumpets. But he got up and attacked his opponent with his head, feet, and fists.
The fight lasted one round of an hour and ten minutes. It was lengthened until it was more like a war or a family feud than a fight. Haywood had learned some of the science of boxing and wrestling from his tutors, but these he discarded for the more instinctive methods of battle handed down by the cave-dwelling Van Plushvelts.
The fight lasted one round for an hour and ten minutes. It stretched on until it felt more like a war or a family feud than a fight. Haywood had picked up some boxing and wrestling techniques from his trainers, but he threw those aside for the more instinctive fighting methods passed down by the cave-dwelling Van Plushvelts.
So, when he found himself, during the mêlée, seated upon the kicking and roaring “Smoky’s” chest, he improved the opportunity by vigorously kneading handfuls of sand and soil into his adversary’s ears, eyes and mouth, and when “Smoky” got the proper leg hold and “turned” him, he fastened both hands in the Plushvelt hair and pounded the Plushvelt head against the lap of mother earth. Of course, the strife was not incessantly active. There were seasons when one sat upon the other, holding him down, while each blew like a grampus, spat out the more inconveniently large sections of gravel and earth, and strove to subdue the spirit of his opponent with a frightful and soul-paralyzing glare.
So, when he found himself, during the fight, sitting on “Smoky’s” chest while it kicked and roared, he took advantage of the situation by forcefully packing handfuls of sand and dirt into his opponent’s ears, eyes, and mouth. When “Smoky” got the right leg hold and flipped him over, he grabbed onto the Plushvelt’s hair and banged the Plushvelt's head against the ground. Of course, the struggle wasn’t nonstop. There were times when one would sit on the other, pinning him down while both gasped for air, spat out inconvenient chunks of gravel and dirt, and tried to intimidate each other with a terrifying, soul-crushing glare.
At last, it seemed that in the language of the ring, their efforts lacked steam. They broke away, and each disappeared in a cloud as he brushed away the dust of the conflict. As soon as his breath permitted, Haywood walked close to “Smoky” and said:
At last, it felt like their efforts in the language of the ring were losing momentum. They broke apart, and each vanished in a cloud as he brushed off the dust of the fight. As soon as he could catch his breath, Haywood approached “Smoky” and said:
“Going to play ball?”
“Going to play sports?”
“Smoky” looked pensively at the sky, at his bat lying on the ground, and at the “leaguer” rounding his pocket.
“Smoky” looked thoughtfully at the sky, at his bat resting on the ground, and at the “leaguer” reaching into his pocket.
“Sure,” he said, offhandedly. “The ‘Yellowjackets’ plays the ‘Long Islands.’ I’m cap’n of the ‘Long Islands.’”
“Sure,” he said casually. “The ‘Yellowjackets’ are playing the ‘Long Islands.’ I’m the captain of the ‘Long Islands.’”
“I guess I didn’t mean to say you were ragged,” said Haywood. “But you are dirty, you know.”
“I guess I didn’t mean to say you were rough around the edges,” said Haywood. “But you are dirty, you know.”
“Sure,” said “Smoky.” “Yer get that way knockin’ around. Say, I don’t believe them New York papers about ladies drinkin’ and havin’ monkeys dinin’ at the table with ’em. I guess they’re lies, like they print about people eatin’ out of silver plates, and ownin’ dogs that cost $100.”
“Sure,” said “Smoky.” “You get that way from hanging around. Hey, I don’t believe those New York papers about ladies drinking and having monkeys dining at the table with them. I guess they’re lies, like the stuff they print about people eating off silver plates and owning dogs that cost $100.”
“Certainly,” said Haywood. “What do you play on your team?”
“Definitely,” said Haywood. “What position do you play on your team?”
“Ketcher. Ever play any?”
"Ketcher. Have you played?"
“Never in my life,” said Haywood. “I’ve never known any fellows except one or two of my cousins.”
“Never in my life,” said Haywood. “I’ve only ever known a couple of guys, aside from one or two of my cousins.”
“Jer like to learn? We’re goin’ to have a practice-game before the match. Wanter come along? I’ll put yer in left-field, and yer won’t be long ketchin’ on.”
“Jer like to learn? We’re going to have a practice game before the match. Want to come along? I’ll put you in left field, and you won’t take long to catch on.”
“I’d like it bully,” said Haywood. “I’ve always wanted to play baseball.”
“I’d love that,” said Haywood. “I’ve always wanted to play baseball.”
The ladies’ maids of New York and the families of Western mine owners with social ambitions will remember well the sensation that was created by the report that the young multi-millionaire, Haywood Van Plushvelt, was playing ball with the village youths of Fishampton. It was conceded that the millennium of democracy had come. Reporters and photographers swarmed to the island. The papers printed half-page pictures of him as short-stop stopping a hot grounder. The Toadies’ Magazine got out a Bat and Ball number that covered the subject historically, beginning with the vampire bat and ending with the Patriarchs’ ball—illustrated with interior views of the Van Plushvelt country seat. Ministers, educators and sociologists everywhere hailed the event as the tocsin call that proclaimed the universal brotherhood of man.
The maids of New York and the families of Western mine owners with social aspirations will remember the buzz caused by the news that the young billionaire, Haywood Van Plushvelt, was playing ball with the kids in Fishampton. It was widely accepted that the era of democracy had arrived. Reporters and photographers flocked to the island. Newspapers published half-page photos of him as a shortstop, making a great play. The Toadies’ Magazine released a special Bat and Ball issue that covered the topic historically, starting with the vampire bat and ending with the Patriarchs’ ball—complete with interior shots of the Van Plushvelt estate. Ministers, educators, and sociologists everywhere celebrated the event as a wake-up call that announced the universal brotherhood of humanity.
One afternoon I was reclining under the trees near the shore at Fishampton in the esteemed company of an eminent, bald-headed young sociologist. By way of note it may be inserted that all sociologists are more or less bald, and exactly thirty-two. Look ’em over.
One afternoon, I was lying under the trees by the shore at Fishampton, enjoying the company of a well-known, bald young sociologist. Just a side note: it seems that all sociologists are pretty much bald and exactly thirty-two years old. Take a look at them.
The sociologist was citing the Van Plushvelt case as the most important “uplift” symptom of a generation, and as an excuse for his own existence.
The sociologist was referencing the Van Plushvelt case as the most significant "uplift" sign of a generation, as well as a reason for his own existence.
Immediately before us were the village baseball grounds. And now came the sportive youth of Fishampton and distributed themselves, shouting, about the diamond.
Right in front of us were the village baseball fields. And now the energetic young people of Fishampton arrived and spread out, shouting, around the diamond.
“There,” said the sociologist, pointing, “there is young Van Plushvelt.”
“Look,” said the sociologist, pointing, “that’s young Van Plushvelt.”
I raised myself (so far a cosycophant with Mary Ann) and gazed.
I lifted myself up (still a bit of a sycophant with Mary Ann) and looked.
Young Van Plushvelt sat upon the ground. He was dressed in a ragged red sweater, wrecked and weather-worn golf cap, run-over shoes, and trousers of the “serviceable” brand. Dust clinging to the moisture induced by free exercise, darkened wide areas of his face.
Young Van Plushvelt sat on the ground. He was wearing a torn red sweater, a battered and worn-out golf cap, beat-up shoes, and pants of the “serviceable” kind. Dust mixed with sweat from his exercise darkened large patches of his face.
“That is he,” repeated the sociologist. If he had said “him” I could have been less vindictive.
“That is him,” repeated the sociologist. If he had said “him” I could have been less vindictive.
On a bench, with an air, sat the young millionaire’s chum.
On a bench, looking important, sat the young millionaire's friend.
He was dressed in a neat suit of dark blue serge, a neat white straw hat, neat low-cut tan shoes, linen of the well-known “immaculate” trade mark, a neat, narrow four-in-hand tie, and carried a slender, neat bamboo cane.
He was dressed in a sharp dark blue suit, a crisp white straw hat, tidy low-cut tan shoes, linen from the well-known “immaculate” brand, a slim, narrow four-in-hand tie, and he carried a sleek, stylish bamboo cane.
I laughed loudly and vulgarly.
I laughed loud and crude.
“What you want to do,” said I to the sociologist, “is to establish a reformatory for the Logical Vicious Circle. Or else I’ve got wheels. It looks to me as if things are running round and round in circles instead of getting anywhere.”
“What you want to do,” I said to the sociologist, “is to set up a reformatory for the Logical Vicious Circle. Or else I’ve got wheels. It seems to me like things are just going around in circles instead of making any progress.”
“What do you mean?” asked the man of progress.
“What do you mean?” asked the progressive man.
“Why, look what he has done to ‘Smoky’,” I replied.
“Wow, look what he did to ‘Smoky’,” I replied.
“You will always be a fool,” said my friend, the sociologist, getting up and walking away.
“You’ll always be a fool,” said my friend, the sociologist, getting up and walking away.
VIII
THE RANSOM OF RED CHIEF
It looked like a good thing: but wait till I tell you. We were down South, in Alabama—Bill Driscoll and myself—when this kidnapping idea struck us. It was, as Bill afterward expressed it, “during a moment of temporary mental apparition”; but we didn’t find that out till later.
It seemed like a great idea: but hold on until I explain. We were down South, in Alabama—Bill Driscoll and I—when we came up with this kidnapping plan. It was, as Bill later put it, “during a brief lapse in judgment”; but we didn’t realize that until afterward.
There was a town down there, as flat as a flannel-cake, and called Summit, of course. It contained inhabitants of as undeleterious and self-satisfied a class of peasantry as ever clustered around a Maypole.
There was a town down there, as flat as a pancake, and called Summit, of course. It had people who were as harmless and content as any group of farmers celebrating around a Maypole.
Bill and me had a joint capital of about six hundred dollars, and we needed just two thousand dollars more to pull off a fraudulent town-lot scheme in Western Illinois with. We talked it over on the front steps of the hotel. Philoprogenitiveness, says we, is strong in semi-rural communities; therefore and for other reasons, a kidnapping project ought to do better there than in the radius of newspapers that send reporters out in plain clothes to stir up talk about such things. We knew that Summit couldn’t get after us with anything stronger than constables and maybe some lackadaisical bloodhounds and a diatribe or two in the Weekly Farmers’ Budget. So, it looked good.
Bill and I had a combined capital of about six hundred dollars, and we needed just two thousand dollars more to pull off a shady town-lot scheme in Western Illinois. We discussed it on the front steps of the hotel. We figured that family expansion is strong in semi-rural communities; so, for that reason and others, a kidnapping project should work better there than in areas where newspapers send reporters in plain clothes to stir up gossip about such things. We knew that Summit couldn’t come after us with anything stronger than local constables and maybe some lazy bloodhounds and a rant or two in the Weekly Farmers’ Budget. So, it looked promising.
We selected for our victim the only child of a prominent citizen named Ebenezer Dorset. The father was respectable and tight, a mortgage fancier and a stern, upright collection-plate passer and forecloser. The kid was a boy of ten, with bas-relief freckles, and hair the colour of the cover of the magazine you buy at the news-stand when you want to catch a train. Bill and me figured that Ebenezer would melt down for a ransom of two thousand dollars to a cent. But wait till I tell you.
We chose our target, the only child of a well-known citizen named Ebenezer Dorset. The father was respectable yet strict, a mortgage lender who was tough on collections and foreclosures. The kid was a ten-year-old boy with prominent freckles and hair the color of the magazine you grab at the newsstand when you're trying to catch a train. Bill and I figured Ebenezer would pay a ransom of two thousand dollars down to the last cent. But wait until I tell you.
About two miles from Summit was a little mountain, covered with a dense cedar brake. On the rear elevation of this mountain was a cave. There we stored provisions. One evening after sundown, we drove in a buggy past old Dorset’s house. The kid was in the street, throwing rocks at a kitten on the opposite fence.
About two miles from Summit, there was a small mountain, covered with thick cedar brush. On the back side of this mountain was a cave. That’s where we kept our supplies. One evening after sunset, we drove a buggy past old Dorset’s house. The kid was in the street, throwing rocks at a kitten on the fence across the way.
“Hey, little boy!” says Bill, “would you like to have a bag of candy and a nice ride?”
“Hey, kid!” says Bill, “want a bag of candy and a fun ride?”
The boy catches Bill neatly in the eye with a piece of brick.
The boy hits Bill right in the eye with a chunk of brick.
“That will cost the old man an extra five hundred dollars,” says Bill, climbing over the wheel.
“That will cost the old man an extra five hundred bucks,” says Bill, climbing over the wheel.
That boy put up a fight like a welter-weight cinnamon bear; but, at last, we got him down in the bottom of the buggy and drove away. We took him up to the cave and I hitched the horse in the cedar brake. After dark I drove the buggy to the little village, three miles away, where we had hired it, and walked back to the mountain.
That boy fought like a lightweight cinnamon bear, but eventually, we managed to get him down in the bottom of the buggy and drove off. We took him to the cave, and I tied the horse in the cedar grove. After dark, I took the buggy to the small village, three miles away, where we rented it, and walked back to the mountain.
Bill was pasting court-plaster over the scratches and bruises on his features. There was a fire burning behind the big rock at the entrance of the cave, and the boy was watching a pot of boiling coffee, with two buzzard tail-feathers stuck in his red hair. He points a stick at me when I come up, and says:
Bill was putting court-plaster on the scratches and bruises on his face. There was a fire burning behind the big rock at the entrance of the cave, and the boy was watching a pot of boiling coffee, with two buzzard tail feathers stuck in his red hair. He points a stick at me when I arrive and says:
“Ha! cursed paleface, do you dare to enter the camp of Red Chief, the terror of the plains?
“Ha! Cursed white man, do you dare to enter the camp of Red Chief, the fear of the plains?
“He’s all right now,” says Bill, rolling up his trousers and examining some bruises on his shins. “We’re playing Indian. We’re making Buffalo Bill’s show look like magic-lantern views of Palestine in the town hall. I’m Old Hank, the Trapper, Red Chief’s captive, and I’m to be scalped at daybreak. By Geronimo! that kid can kick hard.”
“He's fine now,” says Bill, rolling up his pants and checking out some bruises on his shins. “We're playing Indian. We're making Buffalo Bill’s show look like magic lantern slides of Palestine in the town hall. I’m Old Hank, the Trapper, Red Chief’s captive, and I’m going to be scalped at dawn. By Geronimo! that kid can kick hard.”
Yes, sir, that boy seemed to be having the time of his life. The fun of camping out in a cave had made him forget that he was a captive himself. He immediately christened me Snake-eye, the Spy, and announced that, when his braves returned from the warpath, I was to be broiled at the stake at the rising of the sun.
Yes, sir, that kid looked like he was having the time of his life. The excitement of camping out in a cave made him forget that he was a captive himself. He instantly named me Snake-eye, the Spy, and declared that when his warriors came back from their journey, I was to be roasted at the stake at sunrise.
Then we had supper; and he filled his mouth full of bacon and bread and gravy, and began to talk. He made a during-dinner speech something like this:
Then we had dinner, and he stuffed his mouth with bacon, bread, and gravy, and started to talk. He gave a speech during dinner that went something like this:
“I like this fine. I never camped out before; but I had a pet ’possum once, and I was nine last birthday. I hate to go to school. Rats ate up sixteen of Jimmy Talbot’s aunt’s speckled hen’s eggs. Are there any real Indians in these woods? I want some more gravy. Does the trees moving make the wind blow? We had five puppies. What makes your nose so red, Hank? My father has lots of money. Are the stars hot? I whipped Ed Walker twice, Saturday. I don’t like girls. You dassent catch toads unless with a string. Do oxen make any noise? Why are oranges round? Have you got beds to sleep on in this cave? Amos Murray has got six toes. A parrot can talk, but a monkey or a fish can’t. How many does it take to make twelve?”
“I like this a lot. I've never camped out before, but I once had a pet possum, and I just turned nine last birthday. I really dislike going to school. Rats ate sixteen of Jimmy Talbot’s aunt’s speckled hen eggs. Are there any real Indians in these woods? I want more gravy. Do the moving trees make the wind blow? We had five puppies. What makes your nose so red, Hank? My dad has a lot of money. Are the stars hot? I beat Ed Walker twice on Saturday. I don’t like girls. You can’t catch toads unless you use a string. Do oxen make any noises? Why are oranges round? Do you have beds to sleep on in this cave? Amos Murray has six toes. A parrot can talk, but a monkey or a fish can’t. How many do you need to make twelve?”
Every few minutes he would remember that he was a pesky redskin, and pick up his stick rifle and tiptoe to the mouth of the cave to rubber for the scouts of the hated paleface. Now and then he would let out a war-whoop that made Old Hank the Trapper shiver. That boy had Bill terrorized from the start.
Every few minutes he would remember that he was an annoying Native American, and pick up his makeshift rifle and tiptoe to the entrance of the cave to look out for the scouts of the despised white men. Every now and then he would let out a war cry that made Old Hank the Trapper shiver. That kid had Bill scared from the beginning.
“Red Chief,” says I to the kid, “would you like to go home?”
“Red Chief,” I said to the kid, “do you want to go home?”
“Aw, what for?” says he. “I don’t have any fun at home. I hate to go to school. I like to camp out. You won’t take me back home again, Snake-eye, will you?”
“Aw, what for?” he says. “I don’t have any fun at home. I hate going to school. I like camping out. You’re not going to take me back home again, are you, Snake-eye?”
“Not right away,” says I. “We’ll stay here in the cave a while.”
“Not just yet,” I say. “We’ll hang out here in the cave for a bit.”
“All right!” says he. “That’ll be fine. I never had such fun in all my life.”
“All right!” he says. “That sounds great. I've never had this much fun in my life.”
We went to bed about eleven o’clock. We spread down some wide blankets and quilts and put Red Chief between us. We weren’t afraid he’d run away. He kept us awake for three hours, jumping up and reaching for his rifle and screeching: “Hist! pard,” in mine and Bill’s ears, as the fancied crackle of a twig or the rustle of a leaf revealed to his young imagination the stealthy approach of the outlaw band. At last, I fell into a troubled sleep, and dreamed that I had been kidnapped and chained to a tree by a ferocious pirate with red hair.
We went to bed around eleven o’clock. We laid out some big blankets and quilts and put Red Chief between us. We weren’t worried he’d run away. He kept us up for three hours, jumping up and reaching for his rifle and shouting, “Hey, partner,” in mine and Bill’s ears, as the imagined sound of a twig snapping or a leaf rustling made him think the outlaw gang was sneaking up on us. Finally, I drifted off into a restless sleep and dreamt that I had been kidnapped and chained to a tree by a fierce pirate with red hair.
Just at daybreak, I was awakened by a series of awful screams from Bill. They weren’t yells, or howls, or shouts, or whoops, or yawps, such as you’d expect from a manly set of vocal organs—they were simply indecent, terrifying, humiliating screams, such as women emit when they see ghosts or caterpillars. It’s an awful thing to hear a strong, desperate, fat man scream incontinently in a cave at daybreak.
Just at daybreak, I was jolted awake by a series of horrible screams from Bill. They weren't yells, howls, shouts, whoops, or any sounds you'd expect from a strong set of vocal cords—they were just indecent, terrifying, humiliating screams, like the kind women make when they see ghosts or caterpillars. It's a terrible thing to hear a strong, desperate, overweight man scream uncontrollably in a cave at dawn.
I jumped up to see what the matter was. Red Chief was sitting on Bill’s chest, with one hand twined in Bill’s hair. In the other he had the sharp case-knife we used for slicing bacon; and he was industriously and realistically trying to take Bill’s scalp, according to the sentence that had been pronounced upon him the evening before.
I jumped up to see what was going on. Red Chief was sitting on Bill’s chest, with one hand tangled in Bill’s hair. In the other hand, he had the sharp knife we used for slicing bacon; and he was busily and seriously trying to take Bill’s scalp, following the sentence that had been handed down to him the night before.
I got the knife away from the kid and made him lie down again. But, from that moment, Bill’s spirit was broken. He laid down on his side of the bed, but he never closed an eye again in sleep as long as that boy was with us. I dozed off for a while, but along toward sun-up I remembered that Red Chief had said I was to be burned at the stake at the rising of the sun. I wasn’t nervous or afraid; but I sat up and lit my pipe and leaned against a rock.
I took the knife from the kid and made him lie down again. From that moment on, Bill's spirit was shattered. He lay on his side of the bed, but he never slept a wink as long as that boy was with us. I dozed off for a bit, but just before sunrise, I recalled that Red Chief had said I was going to be burned at the stake when the sun came up. I wasn’t anxious or scared; I just sat up, lit my pipe, and leaned against a rock.
“What you getting up so soon for, Sam?” asked Bill.
“What are you getting up so early for, Sam?” asked Bill.
“Me?” says I. “Oh, I got a kind of a pain in my shoulder. I thought sitting up would rest it.”
“Me?” I say. “Oh, I’ve got a bit of pain in my shoulder. I thought sitting up would help it.”
“You’re a liar!” says Bill. “You’re afraid. You was to be burned at sunrise, and you was afraid he’d do it. And he would, too, if he could find a match. Ain’t it awful, Sam? Do you think anybody will pay out money to get a little imp like that back home?”
“You’re a liar!” Bill says. “You’re scared. You were supposed to be burned at sunrise, and you were afraid he’d actually do it. And he would, too, if he could find a match. Isn’t it terrible, Sam? Do you think anyone will pay to get a little brat like that back home?”
“Sure,” said I. “A rowdy kid like that is just the kind that parents dote on. Now, you and the Chief get up and cook breakfast, while I go up on the top of this mountain and reconnoitre.”
“Sure,” I said. “A loud kid like that is exactly the type that parents spoil. Now, you and the Chief get up and make breakfast while I go up to the top of this mountain and scout around.”
I went up on the peak of the little mountain and ran my eye over the contiguous vicinity. Over toward Summit I expected to see the sturdy yeomanry of the village armed with scythes and pitchforks beating the countryside for the dastardly kidnappers. But what I saw was a peaceful landscape dotted with one man ploughing with a dun mule. Nobody was dragging the creek; no couriers dashed hither and yon, bringing tidings of no news to the distracted parents. There was a sylvan attitude of somnolent sleepiness pervading that section of the external outward surface of Alabama that lay exposed to my view. “Perhaps,” says I to myself, “it has not yet been discovered that the wolves have borne away the tender lambkin from the fold. Heaven help the wolves!” says I, and I went down the mountain to breakfast.
I climbed to the top of the small mountain and looked over the surrounding area. I expected to see the strong farmers from the village, armed with scythes and pitchforks, scouring the countryside for the cowardly kidnappers. Instead, I saw a peaceful landscape with just one man plowing with a brown mule. No one was searching the creek; no messengers were rushing around, bringing news to the worried parents. There was a calm atmosphere of drowsy laziness in that part of Alabama that I could see. “Maybe,” I thought to myself, “it hasn’t been discovered yet that the wolves have taken the little lamb from the fold. God help the wolves!” I said, and I went down the mountain to have breakfast.
When I got to the cave I found Bill backed up against the side of it, breathing hard, and the boy threatening to smash him with a rock half as big as a cocoanut.
When I reached the cave, I saw Bill pressed against the wall, gasping for air, while the boy raised a rock about the size of a coconut, ready to hit him.
“He put a red-hot boiled potato down my back,” explained Bill, “and then mashed it with his foot; and I boxed his ears. Have you got a gun about you, Sam?”
“He put a hot boiled potato down my back,” Bill explained, “and then crushed it with his foot; and I knocked him on the ears. Do you have a gun on you, Sam?”
I took the rock away from the boy and kind of patched up the argument. “I’ll fix you,” says the kid to Bill. “No man ever yet struck the Red Chief but what he got paid for it. You better beware!”
I took the rock from the kid and sort of smoothed over the argument. “I’ll get you back,” the kid says to Bill. “No one’s ever hit the Red Chief without getting what they deserved for it. You better watch out!”
After breakfast the kid takes a piece of leather with strings wrapped around it out of his pocket and goes outside the cave unwinding it.
After breakfast, the kid pulls a piece of leather with strings wrapped around it out of his pocket and steps outside the cave, unwinding it.
“What’s he up to now?” says Bill, anxiously. “You don’t think he’ll run away, do you, Sam?”
“What’s he doing now?” Bill asks, anxiously. “You don’t think he’ll run away, do you, Sam?”
“No fear of it,” says I. “He don’t seem to be much of a home body. But we’ve got to fix up some plan about the ransom. There don’t seem to be much excitement around Summit on account of his disappearance; but maybe they haven’t realized yet that he’s gone. His folks may think he’s spending the night with Aunt Jane or one of the neighbours. Anyhow, he’ll be missed to-day. To-night we must get a message to his father demanding the two thousand dollars for his return.”
“No worries about that,” I said. “He doesn't seem like much of a homebody. But we need to come up with a plan for the ransom. There doesn’t seem to be much buzz around Summit because of his disappearance, but maybe they just haven’t noticed he’s missing yet. His family might think he’s just spending the night at Aunt Jane’s or with one of the neighbors. Either way, he’ll definitely be missed today. Tonight, we need to send a message to his dad demanding two thousand dollars for his safe return.”
Just then we heard a kind Of war-whoop, such as David might have emitted when he knocked out the champion Goliath. It was a sling that Red Chief had pulled out of his pocket, and he was whirling it around his head.
Just then we heard a kind of war cry, like what David might have shouted when he took down the champion Goliath. It was a slingshot that Red Chief had pulled out of his pocket, and he was spinning it around his head.
I dodged, and heard a heavy thud and a kind of a sigh from Bill, like a horse gives out when you take his saddle off. A niggerhead rock the size of an egg had caught Bill just behind his left ear. He loosened himself all over and fell in the fire across the frying pan of hot water for washing the dishes. I dragged him out and poured cold water on his head for half an hour.
I dodged and heard a heavy thud and a sigh from Bill, like a horse does when you take off its saddle. A rock the size of an egg had hit Bill just behind his left ear. He relaxed completely and fell into the fire, landing in the frying pan of hot water for washing the dishes. I pulled him out and poured cold water on his head for half an hour.
By and by, Bill sits up and feels behind his ear and says: “Sam, do you know who my favourite Biblical character is?”
By and by, Bill sits up, feels behind his ear, and says, “Sam, do you know who my favorite Bible character is?”
“Take it easy,” says I. “You’ll come to your senses presently.”
“Calm down,” I say. “You’ll see things clearly soon.”
“King Herod,” says he. “You won’t go away and leave me here alone, will you, Sam?”
“King Herod,” he says. “You’re not going to leave me here all alone, are you, Sam?”
I went out and caught that boy and shook him until his freckles rattled.
I went out and grabbed that kid and shook him until his freckles rattled.
“If you don’t behave,” says I, “I’ll take you straight home. Now, are you going to be good, or not?”
“If you don’t behave,” I said, “I’ll take you straight home. So, are you going to be good, or not?”
“I was only funning,” says he sullenly. “I didn’t mean to hurt Old Hank. But what did he hit me for? I’ll behave, Snake-eye, if you won’t send me home, and if you’ll let me play the Black Scout to-day.”
“I was just joking,” he says glumly. “I didn’t mean to hurt Old Hank. But why did he hit me? I’ll be good, Snake-eye, if you won’t send me home, and if you’ll let me play the Black Scout today.”
“I don’t know the game,” says I. “That’s for you and Mr. Bill to decide. He’s your playmate for the day. I’m going away for a while, on business. Now, you come in and make friends with him and say you are sorry for hurting him, or home you go, at once.”
“I don’t know the game,” I say. “That’s up to you and Mr. Bill to figure out. He’s your playmate for the day. I’m heading out for a while on business. Now, you come in and be nice to him and apologize for hurting him, or you can go home right now.”
I made him and Bill shake hands, and then I took Bill aside and told him I was going to Poplar Cove, a little village three miles from the cave, and find out what I could about how the kidnapping had been regarded in Summit. Also, I thought it best to send a peremptory letter to old man Dorset that day, demanding the ransom and dictating how it should be paid.
I had him and Bill shake hands, and then I pulled Bill aside and told him I was heading to Poplar Cove, a small village three miles from the cave, to see what I could find out about how people in Summit felt about the kidnapping. Also, I figured it was best to send a strong letter to old man Dorset that day, demanding the ransom and laying out how it should be paid.
“You know, Sam,” says Bill, “I’ve stood by you without batting an eye in earthquakes, fire and flood—in poker games, dynamite outrages, police raids, train robberies and cyclones. I never lost my nerve yet till we kidnapped that two-legged skyrocket of a kid. He’s got me going. You won’t leave me long with him, will you, Sam?”
“You know, Sam,” Bill says, “I’ve backed you up without flinching through earthquakes, fires, and floods—in poker games, explosions, police busts, train heists, and tornadoes. I’ve never lost my cool until we grabbed that little dynamo of a kid. He’s got me on edge. You’re not going to leave me alone with him for long, are you, Sam?”
“I’ll be back some time this afternoon,” says I. “You must keep the boy amused and quiet till I return. And now we’ll write the letter to old Dorset.”
“I’ll be back sometime this afternoon,” I say. “You need to keep the boy entertained and calm until I get back. Now, let’s write the letter to old Dorset.”
Bill and I got paper and pencil and worked on the letter while Red Chief, with a blanket wrapped around him, strutted up and down, guarding the mouth of the cave. Bill begged me tearfully to make the ransom fifteen hundred dollars instead of two thousand. “I ain’t attempting,” says he, “to decry the celebrated moral aspect of parental affection, but we’re dealing with humans, and it ain’t human for anybody to give up two thousand dollars for that forty-pound chunk of freckled wildcat. I’m willing to take a chance at fifteen hundred dollars. You can charge the difference up to me.”
Bill and I grabbed some paper and a pencil and started working on the letter while Red Chief, wrapped in a blanket, strutted back and forth, guarding the entrance of the cave. Bill pleaded with me, almost in tears, to reduce the ransom to fifteen hundred dollars instead of two thousand. “I’m not trying,” he said, “to downplay the well-known moral importance of parental love, but we’re dealing with people here, and it’s unreasonable for anyone to pay two thousand dollars for that forty-pound bundle of freckled trouble. I’m willing to risk fifteen hundred dollars. You can put the rest on my tab.”
So, to relieve Bill, I acceded, and we collaborated a letter that ran this way:
So, to help Bill out, I agreed, and we put together a letter that went like this:
Ebenezer Dorset, Esq.:
We have your boy concealed in a place far from Summit. It is useless for
you or the most skilful detectives to attempt to find him. Absolutely, the only
terms on which you can have him restored to you are these: We demand fifteen
hundred dollars in large bills for his return; the money to be left at midnight
to-night at the same spot and in the same box as your reply—as
hereinafter described. If you agree to these terms, send your answer in writing
by a solitary messenger to-night at half-past eight o’clock. After
crossing Owl Creek, on the road to Poplar Cove, there are three large trees
about a hundred yards apart, close to the fence of the wheat field on the
right-hand side. At the bottom of the fence-post, opposite the third tree, will
be found a small pasteboard box.
The messenger will place the answer in this box and return immediately to
Summit.
If you attempt any treachery or fail to comply with our demand as stated,
you will never see your boy again.
If you pay the money as demanded, he will be returned to you safe and
well within three hours. These terms are final, and if you do not accede to
them no further communication will be attempted.
Ebenezer Dorset, Esq.:
We have your son hidden in a location far from Summit. It's pointless for you or even the best detectives to try to find him. The only way you can get him back is this: We demand fifteen hundred dollars in large bills for his return; the money must be left at midnight tonight at the same spot and in the same box as your reply—as described below. If you agree to these terms, send your response in writing with a single messenger tonight at 8:30 PM. After crossing Owl Creek, on the way to Poplar Cove, you'll find three large trees about a hundred yards apart, next to the fence of the wheat field on the right side. At the bottom of the fence post, opposite the third tree, there's a small cardboard box.
The messenger should place the response in this box and immediately return to Summit.
If you try any tricks or fail to meet our demands as stated, you will never see your son again.
If you pay the money as requested, he will be returned to you safe and sound within three hours. These terms are final, and if you do not accept them, there will be no further communication.
TWO DESPERATE MEN.
TWO DESPERATE MEN.
I addressed this letter to Dorset, and put it in my pocket. As I was about to start, the kid comes up to me and says:
I addressed this letter to Dorset and put it in my pocket. Just as I was about to leave, the kid walks up to me and says:
“Aw, Snake-eye, you said I could play the Black Scout while you was gone.”
“Aw, Snake-eye, you said I could play the Black Scout while you were gone.”
“Play it, of course,” says I. “Mr. Bill will play with you. What kind of a game is it?”
“Go ahead and play it,” I say. “Mr. Bill will join you. What kind of game is it?”
“I’m the Black Scout,” says Red Chief, “and I have to ride to the stockade to warn the settlers that the Indians are coming. I’m tired of playing Indian myself. I want to be the Black Scout.”
“I’m the Black Scout,” says Red Chief, “and I have to ride to the stockade to warn the settlers that the Indians are coming. I’m done playing Indian myself. I want to be the Black Scout.”
“All right,” says I. “It sounds harmless to me. I guess Mr. Bill will help you foil the pesky savages.”
“Okay,” I said. “That sounds harmless to me. I guess Mr. Bill will help you deal with the annoying savages.”
“What am I to do?” asks Bill, looking at the kid suspiciously.
“What am I supposed to do?” asks Bill, eyeing the kid warily.
“You are the hoss,” says Black Scout. “Get down on your hands and knees. How can I ride to the stockade without a hoss?”
“You're the horse,” says Black Scout. “Get down on all fours. How can I get to the stockade without a horse?”
“You’d better keep him interested,” said I, “till we get the scheme going. Loosen up.”
“You should keep him interested,” I said, “until we get the plan started. Relax.”
Bill gets down on his all fours, and a look comes in his eye like a rabbit’s when you catch it in a trap.
Bill drops to all fours, and a look flashes in his eye like a rabbit’s when it’s caught in a trap.
“How far is it to the stockade, kid?” he asks, in a husky manner of voice.
“How far is it to the stockade, kid?” he asks, in a husky voice.
“Ninety miles,” says the Black Scout. “And you have to hump yourself to get there on time. Whoa, now!”
“Ninety miles,” says the Black Scout. “And you have to carry yourself to get there on time. Whoa, now!”
The Black Scout jumps on Bill’s back and digs his heels in his side.
The Black Scout jumps onto Bill's back and digs his heels into his side.
“For Heaven’s sake,” says Bill, “hurry back, Sam, as soon as you can. I wish we hadn’t made the ransom more than a thousand. Say, you quit kicking me or I’ll get up and warm you good.”
“For heaven’s sake,” Bill says, “hurry back, Sam, as soon as you can. I wish we hadn’t set the ransom at more than a thousand. Hey, stop kicking me or I’ll get up and give you a good smack.”
I walked over to Poplar Cove and sat around the postoffice and store, talking with the chawbacons that came in to trade. One whiskerando says that he hears Summit is all upset on account of Elder Ebenezer Dorset’s boy having been lost or stolen. That was all I wanted to know. I bought some smoking tobacco, referred casually to the price of black-eyed peas, posted my letter surreptitiously and came away. The postmaster said the mail-carrier would come by in an hour to take the mail on to Summit.
I walked over to Poplar Cove and hung out around the post office and store, chatting with the locals who came in to trade. One guy with a long beard said he heard Summit is all worked up because Elder Ebenezer Dorset’s son is missing or has been taken. That was all I needed to know. I bought some rolling tobacco, casually mentioned the price of black-eyed peas, secretly dropped off my letter, and left. The postmaster said the mail carrier would come by in an hour to take the mail to Summit.
When I got back to the cave Bill and the boy were not to be found. I explored the vicinity of the cave, and risked a yodel or two, but there was no response.
When I returned to the cave, Bill and the boy were nowhere to be found. I checked the area around the cave and even yelled out a bit, but there was no answer.
So I lighted my pipe and sat down on a mossy bank to await developments.
So I lit my pipe and sat down on a mossy bank to wait for things to happen.
In about half an hour I heard the bushes rustle, and Bill wabbled out into the little glade in front of the cave. Behind him was the kid, stepping softly like a scout, with a broad grin on his face. Bill stopped, took off his hat and wiped his face with a red handkerchief. The kid stopped about eight feet behind him.
In about thirty minutes, I heard the bushes rustling, and Bill waddled out into the small clearing in front of the cave. Behind him was the kid, moving quietly like a scout, with a big grin on his face. Bill stopped, took off his hat, and wiped his face with a red handkerchief. The kid stopped about eight feet behind him.
“Sam,” says Bill, “I suppose you’ll think I’m a renegade, but I couldn’t help it. I’m a grown person with masculine proclivities and habits of self-defense, but there is a time when all systems of egotism and predominance fail. The boy is gone. I have sent him home. All is off. There was martyrs in old times,” goes on Bill, “that suffered death rather than give up the particular graft they enjoyed. None of ’em ever was subjugated to such supernatural tortures as I have been. I tried to be faithful to our articles of depredation; but there came a limit.”
“Sam,” Bill says, “I know you might think I’m a traitor, but I couldn’t help it. I’m an adult with typical guy instincts and self-defense habits, but there comes a time when all forms of ego and control break down. The kid is gone. I’ve sent him home. It’s over. There were martyrs back in the day,” Bill continues, “who faced death rather than give up the perks they enjoyed. None of them ever went through the kind of supernatural torture I have. I tried to stick to our plans for looting, but there was a breaking point.”
“What’s the trouble, Bill?” I asks him.
"What’s the matter, Bill?" I ask him.
“I was rode,” says Bill, “the ninety miles to the stockade, not barring an inch. Then, when the settlers was rescued, I was given oats. Sand ain’t a palatable substitute. And then, for an hour I had to try to explain to him why there was nothin’ in holes, how a road can run both ways and what makes the grass green. I tell you, Sam, a human can only stand so much. I takes him by the neck of his clothes and drags him down the mountain. On the way he kicks my legs black-and-blue from the knees down; and I’ve got to have two or three bites on my thumb and hand cauterized.
“I rode,” says Bill, “the ninety miles to the stockade, not skipping an inch. Then, when the settlers were rescued, I got oats. Sand isn’t a tasty substitute. And then, for an hour, I had to try to explain to him why there was nothing in the holes, how a road can go both ways, and what makes the grass green. I tell you, Sam, a person can only take so much. I grab him by the collar and drag him down the mountain. On the way, he kicks my legs black-and-blue from the knees down; and I’ve got to have two or three bites on my thumb and hand cauterized.
“But he’s gone”—continues Bill—“gone home. I showed him the road to Summit and kicked him about eight feet nearer there at one kick. I’m sorry we lose the ransom; but it was either that or Bill Driscoll to the madhouse.”
“But he’s gone,” Bill continues. “He’s gone home. I showed him the way to Summit and kicked him about eight feet closer with one kick. I’m sorry we’re losing the ransom, but it was either that or Bill Driscoll ending up in the crazy house.”
Bill is puffing and blowing, but there is a look of ineffable peace and growing content on his rose-pink features.
Bill is panting and breathing heavily, but there’s an expression of deep peace and increasing satisfaction on his rosy face.
“Bill,” says I, “there isn’t any heart disease in your family, is there?
“Bill,” I said, “there isn’t any heart disease in your family, right?
“No,” says Bill, “nothing chronic except malaria and accidents. Why?”
“No,” says Bill, “nothing serious except malaria and accidents. Why?”
“Then you might turn around,” says I, “and have a took behind you.”
“Then you might turn around,” I said, “and take a look behind you.”
Bill turns and sees the boy, and loses his complexion and sits down plump on the round and begins to pluck aimlessly at grass and little sticks. For an hour I was afraid for his mind. And then I told him that my scheme was to put the whole job through immediately and that we would get the ransom and be off with it by midnight if old Dorset fell in with our proposition. So Bill braced up enough to give the kid a weak sort of a smile and a promise to play the Russian in a Japanese war with him is soon as he felt a little better.
Bill turns and sees the boy, and loses his color, sitting down hard on the ground and starts to pick at the grass and small sticks. For an hour, I worried about his mental state. Then I told him that my plan was to finish the whole job right away, and that we’d get the ransom and be gone by midnight if old Dorset agreed to our proposal. So Bill pulled himself together enough to give the kid a weak smile and promised to play the Russian in a Japanese war with him as soon as he felt a bit better.
I had a scheme for collecting that ransom without danger of being caught by counterplots that ought to commend itself to professional kidnappers. The tree under which the answer was to be left—and the money later on—was close to the road fence with big, bare fields on all sides. If a gang of constables should be watching for any one to come for the note they could see him a long way off crossing the fields or in the road. But no, sirree! At half-past eight I was up in that tree as well hidden as a tree toad, waiting for the messenger to arrive.
I had a plan to collect that ransom without risking getting caught by any counterplots that should appeal to professional kidnappers. The tree where the reply was to be left—and the money later—was close to the road fence, surrounded by large, open fields. If a group of officers were watching for anyone to come for the note, they could spot him from far away while crossing the fields or on the road. But nope! At half-past eight, I was up in that tree, as hidden as a tree toad, waiting for the messenger to show up.
Exactly on time, a half-grown boy rides up the road on a bicycle, locates the pasteboard box at the foot of the fence-post, slips a folded piece of paper into it and pedals away again back toward Summit.
Exactly on time, a half-grown boy rides up the road on a bicycle, finds the cardboard box at the foot of the fence post, slips a folded piece of paper into it, and pedals away again back toward Summit.
I waited an hour and then concluded the thing was square. I slid down the tree, got the note, slipped along the fence till I struck the woods, and was back at the cave in another half an hour. I opened the note, got near the lantern and read it to Bill. It was written with a pen in a crabbed hand, and the sum and substance of it was this:
I waited for an hour and then figured everything was fine. I climbed down the tree, grabbed the note, moved along the fence until I hit the woods, and made it back to the cave in another thirty minutes. I opened the note, got close to the lantern, and read it to Bill. It was written in a shaky handwriting with a pen, and the main point of it was this:
Two Desperate Men.
Gentlemen: I received your letter to-day by post, in regard to the
ransom you ask for the return of my son. I think you are a little high in your
demands, and I hereby make you a counter-proposition, which I am inclined to
believe you will accept. You bring Johnny home and pay me two hundred and fifty
dollars in cash, and I agree to take him off your hands. You had better come at
night, for the neighbours believe he is lost, and I couldn’t be
responsible for what they would do to anybody they saw bringing him back.
Two Desperate Men.
Gentlemen: I got your letter today in the mail about the ransom you want for my son’s return. I think your asking price is a bit too steep, so I’d like to make you a counter-offer that I believe you’ll find acceptable. You can bring Johnny home and pay me two hundred and fifty dollars in cash, and I’ll agree to take him off your hands. You should come at night since the neighbors think he’s lost, and I can’t be responsible for what they might do to anyone they see bringing him back.
Very respectfully,
EBENEZER DORSET.
Very respectfully,
EBENZER DORSET.
“Great pirates of Penzance!” says I; “of all the impudent—”
“Great pirates of Penzance!” I said; “of all the shameless—”
But I glanced at Bill, and hesitated. He had the most appealing look in his eyes I ever saw on the face of a dumb or a talking brute.
But I glanced at Bill and hesitated. He had the most appealing look in his eyes that I ever saw on the face of either a dumb animal or a talking one.
“Sam,” says he, “what’s two hundred and fifty dollars, after all? We’ve got the money. One more night of this kid will send me to a bed in Bedlam. Besides being a thorough gentleman, I think Mr. Dorset is a spendthrift for making us such a liberal offer. You ain’t going to let the chance go, are you?”
“Sam,” he says, “what’s two hundred and fifty dollars, really? We’ve got the cash. One more night with this kid is going to drive me crazy. Besides being a real gentleman, I think Mr. Dorset is wasting his money by making us such a generous offer. You’re not going to pass this up, are you?”
“Tell you the truth, Bill,” says I, “this little he ewe lamb has somewhat got on my nerves too. We’ll take him home, pay the ransom and make our get-away.”
“Honestly, Bill,” I said, “this little ewe lamb is starting to get on my nerves too. Let’s take him home, pay the ransom, and make our escape.”
We took him home that night. We got him to go by telling him that his father had bought a silver-mounted rifle and a pair of moccasins for him, and we were going to hunt bears the next day.
We took him home that night. We got him to come with us by telling him that his dad had bought a silver-mounted rifle and a pair of moccasins for him, and we were going to hunt bears the next day.
It was just twelve o’clock when we knocked at Ebenezer’s front door. Just at the moment when I should have been abstracting the fifteen hundred dollars from the box under the tree, according to the original proposition, Bill was counting out two hundred and fifty dollars into Dorset’s hand.
It was exactly noon when we knocked on Ebenezer’s front door. At the same time I was supposed to be taking the fifteen hundred dollars from the box under the tree, according to the original plan, Bill was handing two hundred and fifty dollars to Dorset.
When the kid found out we were going to leave him at home he started up a howl like a calliope and fastened himself as tight as a leech to Bill’s leg. His father peeled him away gradually, like a porous plaster.
When the kid realized we were leaving him at home, he started howling like a carnival calliope and clung tight to Bill’s leg like a leech. His dad gradually peeled him off, like removing a sticky bandage.
“How long can you hold him?” asks Bill.
“How long can you keep him?” asks Bill.
“I’m not as strong as I used to be,” says old Dorset, “but I think I can promise you ten minutes.”
“I’m not as strong as I used to be,” says old Dorset, “but I believe I can commit to ten minutes.”
“Enough,” says Bill. “In ten minutes I shall cross the Central, Southern and Middle Western States, and be legging it trippingly for the Canadian border.”
“Enough,” says Bill. “In ten minutes, I’ll have crossed the Central, Southern, and Midwestern states, and I’ll be heading quickly for the Canadian border.”
And, as dark as it was, and as fat as Bill was, and as good a runner as I am, he was a good mile and a half out of Summit before I could catch up with him.
And, no matter how dark it was, how heavy Bill was, and how fast I can run, he was a good mile and a half out of Summit before I could catch up with him.
IX
THE MARRY MONTH OF MAY
Prithee, smite the poet in the eye when he would sing to you praises of the month of May. It is a month presided over by the spirits of mischief and madness. Pixies and flibbertigibbets haunt the budding woods: Puck and his train of midgets are busy in town and country.
Please, hit the poet in the eye when he tries to sing your praises of May. It's a month ruled by the spirits of mischief and madness. Pixies and chatterboxes haunt the blossoming woods: Puck and his gang of little ones are busy in town and countryside.
In May nature holds up at us a chiding finger, bidding us remember that we are not gods, but overconceited members of her own great family. She reminds us that we are brothers to the chowder-doomed clam and the donkey; lineal scions of the pansy and the chimpanzee, and but cousins-german to the cooing doves, the quacking ducks and the housemaids and policemen in the parks.
In May, nature points a disapproving finger at us, reminding us that we are not gods, but rather overly proud members of her vast family. She tells us that we are relatives of the clams doomed to be in chowder and the donkey; direct descendants of the pansy and the chimpanzee, and just as much cousins to the cooing doves, the quacking ducks, and the housekeepers and police officers in the parks.
In May Cupid shoots blindfolded—millionaires marry stenographers; wise professors woo white-aproned gum-chewers behind quick-lunch counters; schoolma’ams make big bad boys remain after school; lads with ladders steal lightly over lawns where Juliet waits in her trellissed window with her telescope packed; young couples out for a walk come home married; old chaps put on white spats and promenade near the Normal School; even married men, grown unwontedly tender and sentimental, whack their spouses on the back and growl: “How goes it, old girl:”
In May, Cupid shoots with his eyes closed—rich guys marry secretaries; smart professors flirt with gum-chewing waitresses at diners; schoolteachers make the tough kids stay after class; guys with ladders sneak across yards where Juliet waits in her window with her telescope ready; young couples out for a stroll come back married; older gentlemen put on white spats and walk around near the Normal School; even married men, feeling unusually soft and sentimental, pat their wives on the back and say: “How's it going, old girl?”
This May, who is no goddess, but Circe, masquerading at the dance given in honour of the fair débutante, Summer, puts the kibosh on us all.
This May, who is no goddess but Circe, pretending at the dance held in honor of the lovely debutante, Summer, shuts us all down.
Old Mr. Coulson groaned a little, and then sat up straight in his invalid’s chair. He had the gout very bad in one foot, a house near Gramercy Park, half a million dollars and a daughter. And he had a housekeeper, Mrs. Widdup. The fact and the name deserve a sentence each. They have it.
Old Mr. Coulson let out a small groan and then sat up straight in his wheelchair. He had severe gout in one foot, a house near Gramercy Park, half a million dollars, and a daughter. Also, he had a housekeeper named Mrs. Widdup. Both the fact and the name deserve a sentence each. They got one.
When May poked Mr. Coulson he became elder brother to the turtle-dove. In the window near which he sat were boxes of jonquils, of hyacinths, geraniums and pansies. The breeze brought their odour into the room. Immediately there was a well-contested round between the breath of the flowers and the able and active effluvium from gout liniment. The liniment won easily; but not before the flowers got an uppercut to old Mr. Coulson’s nose. The deadly work of the implacable, false enchantress May was done.
When May nudged Mr. Coulson, he became like an older brother to the turtle-dove. In the window next to him were pots of jonquils, hyacinths, geraniums, and pansies. The breeze carried their scent into the room. Instantly, there was a fierce competition between the fragrance of the flowers and the strong, potent smell of gout liniment. The liniment easily triumphed, but not before the flowers landed a jab right into old Mr. Coulson's nose. The destructive work of the relentless, deceitful enchantress May was complete.
Across the park to the olfactories of Mr. Coulson came other unmistakable, characteristic, copyrighted smells of spring that belong to the-big-city-above-the-Subway, alone. The smells of hot asphalt, underground caverns, gasoline, patchouli, orange peel, sewer gas, Albany grabs, Egyptian cigarettes, mortar and the undried ink on newspapers. The inblowing air was sweet and mild. Sparrows wrangled happily everywhere outdoors. Never trust May.
Across the park, Mr. Coulson was hit by the unmistakable, distinct, signature smells of spring that only belong to the big city above the subway. The aromas of hot asphalt, underground tunnels, gasoline, patchouli, orange peels, sewer gas, Albany grabs, Egyptian cigarettes, mortar, and the wet ink on newspapers filled the air. The breeze was sweet and gentle. Sparrows were happily squabbling everywhere outside. Never trust May.
Mr. Coulson twisted the ends of his white mustache, cursed his foot, and pounded a bell on the table by his side.
Mr. Coulson twirled the ends of his white mustache, cursed his foot, and hit a bell on the table next to him.
In came Mrs. Widdup. She was comely to the eye, fair, flustered, forty and foxy.
In came Mrs. Widdup. She was pleasant to look at, fair-skinned, flustered, in her forties, and attractive.
“Higgins is out, sir,” she said, with a smile suggestive of vibratory massage. “He went to post a letter. Can I do anything for you, sir?”
“Higgins is out, sir,” she said, with a smile that felt almost like a relaxing massage. “He went to mail a letter. Is there anything I can do for you, sir?”
“It’s time for my aconite,” said old Mr. Coulson. “Drop it for me. The bottle’s there. Three drops. In water. D–––– that is, confound Higgins! There’s nobody in this house cares if I die here in this chair for want of attention.”
“It’s time for my aconite,” said old Mr. Coulson. “Pour it for me. The bottle’s there. Three drops. In water. Damn it, I mean, curse Higgins! No one in this house cares if I die here in this chair for lack of attention.”
Mrs. Widdup sighed deeply.
Mrs. Widdup let out a deep sigh.
“Don’t be saying that, sir,” she said. “There’s them that would care more than any one knows. Thirteen drops, you said, sir?”
“Don’t say that, sir,” she replied. “There are people who would care more than anyone realizes. Thirteen drops, you said, sir?”
“Three,” said old man Coulson.
“Three,” said Mr. Coulson.
He took his dose and then Mrs. Widdup’s hand. She blushed. Oh, yes, it can be done. Just hold your breath and compress the diaphragm.
He took his dose and then Mrs. Widdup’s hand. She blushed. Oh, yes, it can be done. Just hold your breath and tighten your diaphragm.
“Mrs. Widdup,” said Mr. Coulson, “the springtime’s full upon us.”
“Mrs. Widdup,” Mr. Coulson said, “spring is here.”
“Ain’t that right?” said Mrs. Widdup. “The air’s real warm. And there’s bock-beer signs on every corner. And the park’s all yaller and pink and blue with flowers; and I have such shooting pains up my legs and body.”
“Ain’t that right?” said Mrs. Widdup. “The air’s really warm. And there are bock beer signs on every corner. And the park’s all yellow and pink and blue with flowers; and I have these intense shooting pains up my legs and body.”
“‘In the spring,’” quoted Mr. Coulson, curling his mustache, “‘a y–––– that is, a man’s—fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.’”
“‘In the spring,’” quoted Mr. Coulson, curling his mustache, “‘a guy—that is, a man’s—fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.’”
“Lawsy, now!” exclaimed Mrs. Widdup; “ain’t that right? Seems like it’s in the air.”
“Goodness, now!” exclaimed Mrs. Widdup; “isn’t that true? Seems like it’s all around us.”
“‘In the spring,’” continued old Mr. Coulson, “‘a livelier iris shines upon the burnished dove.’”
“‘In the spring,’” continued old Mr. Coulson, “‘a brighter iris shines on the polished dove.’”
“They do be lively, the Irish,” sighed Mrs. Widdup pensively.
“They're lively, the Irish,” sighed Mrs. Widdup thoughtfully.
“Mrs. Widdup,” said Mr. Coulson, making a face at a twinge of his gouty foot, “this would be a lonesome house without you. I’m an—that is, I’m an elderly man—but I’m worth a comfortable lot of money. If half a million dollars’ worth of Government bonds and the true affection of a heart that, though no longer beating with the first ardour of youth, can still throb with genuine—”
“Mrs. Widdup,” said Mr. Coulson, grimacing at a pain in his gouty foot, “this place would be pretty lonely without you. I’m—well, I’m an older guy—but I have a good amount of money. If you count half a million dollars in government bonds and the real love of a heart that, even though it doesn’t beat with the same intensity as it used to, can still genuinely—”
The loud noise of an overturned chair near the portières of the adjoining room interrupted the venerable and scarcely suspecting victim of May.
The loud sound of a tipped-over chair by the curtains in the next room interrupted the unsuspecting and respected victim of May.
In stalked Miss Van Meeker Constantia Coulson, bony, durable, tall, high-nosed, frigid, well-bred, thirty-five, in-the-neighbourhood-of-Gramercy-Parkish. She put up a lorgnette. Mrs. Widdup hastily stooped and arranged the bandages on Mr. Coulson’s gouty foot.
In stalked Miss Van Meeker Constantia Coulson, thin, tough, tall, with a prominent nose, cold, well-mannered, thirty-five, somewhere around Gramercy Park. She held up a lorgnette. Mrs. Widdup quickly bent down and adjusted the bandages on Mr. Coulson’s gouty foot.
“I thought Higgins was with you,” said Miss Van Meeker Constantia.
“I thought Higgins was with you,” said Miss Van Meeker Constantia.
“Higgins went out,” explained her father, “and Mrs. Widdup answered the bell. That is better now, Mrs. Widdup, thank you. No; there is nothing else I require.”
“Higgins went out,” her father explained, “and Mrs. Widdup answered the door. That’s better now, Mrs. Widdup, thank you. No; there’s nothing else I need.”
The housekeeper retired, pink under the cool, inquiring stare of Miss Coulson.
The housekeeper left, a bit flushed under Miss Coulson's cool, probing gaze.
“This spring weather is lovely, isn’t it, daughter?” said the old man, consciously conscious.
“This spring weather is nice, isn’t it, daughter?” said the old man, aware of his surroundings.
“That’s just it,” replied Miss Van Meeker Constantia Coulson, somewhat obscurely. “When does Mrs. Widdup start on her vacation, papa?”
“That’s exactly it,” replied Miss Van Meeker Constantia Coulson, somewhat vaguely. “When does Mrs. Widdup start her vacation, dad?”
“I believe she said a week from to-day,” said Mr. Coulson.
“I think she mentioned it would be a week from today,” said Mr. Coulson.
Miss Van Meeker Constantia stood for a minute at the window gazing, toward the little park, flooded with the mellow afternoon sunlight. With the eye of a botanist she viewed the flowers—most potent weapons of insidious May. With the cool pulses of a virgin of Cologne she withstood the attack of the ethereal mildness. The arrows of the pleasant sunshine fell back, frostbitten, from the cold panoply of her unthrilled bosom. The odour of the flowers waked no soft sentiments in the unexplored recesses of her dormant heart. The chirp of the sparrows gave her a pain. She mocked at May.
Miss Van Meeker Constantia stood for a minute at the window, looking out at the little park bathed in the warm afternoon sunlight. With the eye of a botanist, she examined the flowers—powerful symbols of the sneaky charm of May. With the cool composure of a Cologne maiden, she resisted the gentle allure of the atmosphere. The rays of the pleasant sunshine seemed to bounce off her unexcited heart like they were frostbitten. The scent of the flowers didn’t stir any soft feelings in the unexplored depths of her inactive heart. The chirping of the sparrows caused her pain. She scoffed at May.
But although Miss Coulson was proof against the season, she was keen enough to estimate its power. She knew that elderly men and thick-waisted women jumped as educated fleas in the ridiculous train of May, the merry mocker of the months. She had heard of foolish old gentlemen marrying their housekeepers before. What a humiliating thing, after all, was this feeling called love!
But even though Miss Coulson was immune to the season’s charms, she was sharp enough to recognize its influence. She understood that older men and heavier women eagerly followed the silly trends of May, the playful trickster of the months. She had heard of foolish old men marrying their housekeepers before. What a humiliating thing, after all, was this emotion called love!
The next morning at 8 o’clock, when the iceman called, the cook told him that Miss Coulson wanted to see him in the basement.
The next morning at 8 o'clock, when the ice delivery guy arrived, the cook informed him that Miss Coulson wanted to see him in the basement.
“Well, ain’t I the Olcott and Depew; not mentioning the first name at all?” said the iceman, admiringly, of himself.
“Wow, am I just like Olcott and Depew, not even mentioning my first name?” said the iceman, admiring himself.
As a concession he rolled his sleeves down, dropped his icehooks on a syringa and went back. When Miss Van Meeker Constantia Coulson addressed him he took off his hat.
As a compromise, he rolled his sleeves down, dropped his ice hooks on a lilac bush, and went back. When Miss Van Meeker Constantia Coulson spoke to him, he took off his hat.
“There is a rear entrance to this basement,” said Miss Coulson, “which can be reached by driving into the vacant lot next door, where they are excavating for a building. I want you to bring in that way within two hours 1,000 pounds of ice. You may have to bring another man or two to help you. I will show you where I want it placed. I also want 1,000 pounds a day delivered the same way for the next four days. Your company may charge the ice on our regular bill. This is for your extra trouble.”
“There’s a back entrance to this basement,” Miss Coulson said, “which you can reach by driving into the empty lot next door, where they’re digging for a building. I need you to bring in 1,000 pounds of ice that way within the next two hours. You might need to bring one or two extra guys to help you. I’ll show you where I want it. I also want 1,000 pounds delivered the same way for the next four days. Your company can charge the ice to our regular bill. This is just for the extra trouble.”
Miss Coulson tendered a ten-dollar bill. The iceman bowed, and held his hat in his two hands behind him.
Miss Coulson handed over a ten-dollar bill. The iceman bowed and held his hat in both hands behind him.
“Not if you’ll excuse me, lady. It’ll be a pleasure to fix things up for you any way you please.”
“Not if you don’t mind me saying, ma'am. I’d be happy to sort things out for you however you like.”
Alas for May!
Poor May!
About noon Mr. Coulson knocked two glasses off his table, broke the spring of his bell and yelled for Higgins at the same time.
About noon, Mr. Coulson knocked two glasses off his table, broke the spring of his bell, and yelled for Higgins at the same time.
“Bring an axe,” commanded Mr. Coulson, sardonically, “or send out for a quart of prussic acid, or have a policeman come in and shoot me. I’d rather that than be frozen to death.”
“Bring an axe,” Mr. Coulson said sarcastically, “or order a quart of prussic acid, or have a cop come in and shoot me. I’d prefer that over freezing to death.”
“It does seem to be getting cool, Sir,” said Higgins. “I hadn’t noticed it before. I’ll close the window, Sir.”
“It does seem to be getting chilly, Sir,” said Higgins. “I hadn’t noticed it before. I’ll close the window, Sir.”
“Do,” said Mr. Coulson. “They call this spring, do they? If it keeps up long I’ll go back to Palm Beach. House feels like a morgue.”
“Do,” said Mr. Coulson. “They call this spring, do they? If it keeps up like this, I’ll head back to Palm Beach. This house feels like a morgue.”
Later Miss Coulson dutifully came in to inquire how the gout was progressing.
Later, Miss Coulson came in to check on how the gout was getting better.
“’Stantia,” said the old man, “how is the weather outdoors?”
“’Stantia,” said the old man, “what's the weather like outside?”
“Bright,” answered Miss Coulson, “but chilly.”
“Bright,” replied Miss Coulson, “but cold.”
“Feels like the dead of winter to me,” said Mr. Coulson.
“Feels like the depths of winter to me,” said Mr. Coulson.
“An instance,” said Constantia, gazing abstractedly out the window, “of ‘winter lingering in the lap of spring,’ though the metaphor is not in the most refined taste.”
“An example,” said Constantia, staring thoughtfully out the window, “of ‘winter sticking around in the embrace of spring,’ although the metaphor isn’t in the best taste.”
A little later she walked down by the side of the little park and on westward to Broadway to accomplish a little shopping.
A little later, she walked along the edge of the small park and headed west toward Broadway to do some shopping.
A little later than that Mrs. Widdup entered the invalid’s room.
A little later, Mrs. Widdup walked into the invalid's room.
“Did you ring, Sir?” she asked, dimpling in many places. “I asked Higgins to go to the drug store, and I thought I heard your bell.”
“Did you ring, sir?” she asked, smiling in several spots. “I asked Higgins to go to the drug store, and I thought I heard your bell.”
“I did not,” said Mr. Coulson.
“I didn't,” Mr. Coulson said.
“I’m afraid,” said Mrs. Widdup, “I interrupted you sir, yesterday when you were about to say something.”
“I’m sorry,” said Mrs. Widdup, “I interrupted you, sir, yesterday when you were about to say something.”
“How comes it, Mrs. Widdup,” said old man Coulson sternly, “that I find it so cold in this house?”
“How is it, Mrs. Widdup,” said old man Coulson sternly, “that I find it so cold in this house?”
“Cold, Sir?” said the housekeeper, “why, now, since you speak of it it do seem cold in this room. But, outdoors it’s as warm and fine as June, sir. And how this weather do seem to make one’s heart jump out of one’s shirt waist, sir. And the ivy all leaved out on the side of the house, and the hand-organs playing, and the children dancing on the sidewalk—’tis a great time for speaking out what’s in the heart. You were saying yesterday, sir—”
“Cold, Sir?” said the housekeeper. “Now that you mention it, it does feel cold in this room. But outside, it’s as warm and nice as June, sir. And this weather really makes your heart feel alive, sir. The ivy is fully green on the side of the house, the street performers are playing, and the kids are dancing on the sidewalk—it’s a great time to express what’s in your heart. You were saying yesterday, sir—”
“Woman!” roared Mr. Coulson; “you are a fool. I pay you to take care of this house. I am freezing to death in my own room, and you come in and drivel to me about ivy and hand-organs. Get me an overcoat at once. See that all doors and windows are closed below. An old, fat, irresponsible, one-sided object like you prating about springtime and flowers in the middle of winter! When Higgins comes back, tell him to bring me a hot rum punch. And now get out!”
“Lady!” shouted Mr. Coulson; “you’re an idiot. I pay you to look after this house. I’m freezing to death in my own room, and you come in here babbling to me about ivy and hand-organs. Get me an overcoat right now. Make sure all the doors and windows are shut downstairs. An old, lazy, clueless person like you talking about springtime and flowers in the dead of winter! When Higgins gets back, tell him to bring me a hot rum punch. And now get out!”
But who shall shame the bright face of May? Rogue though she be and disturber of sane men’s peace, no wise virgins cunning nor cold storage shall make her bow her head in the bright galaxy of months.
But who can tarnish the bright face of May? Even though she’s a troublemaker and disrupts the peace of sensible people, no clever virgin tricks or harsh treatments will make her lower her head in the shining array of months.
Oh, yes, the story was not quite finished.
Oh, yes, the story wasn't quite done.
A night passed, and Higgins helped old man Coulson in the morning to his chair by the window. The cold of the room was gone. Heavenly odours and fragrant mildness entered.
A night went by, and Higgins assisted old man Coulson in the morning to his chair by the window. The chill in the room had vanished. Sweet scents and a gentle warmth filled the air.
In hurried Mrs. Widdup, and stood by his chair. Mr. Coulson reached his bony hand and grasped her plump one.
In a rush, Mrs. Widdup hurried over and stood by his chair. Mr. Coulson extended his bony hand and took hold of her plump one.
“Mrs. Widdup,” he said, “this house would be no home without you. I have half a million dollars. If that and the true affection of a heart no longer in its youthful prime, but still not cold, could—”
“Mrs. Widdup,” he said, “this house wouldn’t feel like a home without you. I have half a million dollars. If that and the genuine love of a heart that may not be young anymore, but is still warm, could—”
“I found out what made it cold,” said Mrs. Widdup, leaning against his chair. “’Twas ice—tons of it—in the basement and in the furnace room, everywhere. I shut off the registers that it was coming through into your room, Mr. Coulson, poor soul! And now it’s Maytime again.”
“I figured out what was making it cold,” said Mrs. Widdup, leaning against his chair. “It was ice—loads of it—in the basement and in the furnace room, everywhere. I shut off the vents that it was coming through into your room, Mr. Coulson, poor thing! And now it’s May again.”
“A true heart,” went on old man Coulson, a little wanderingly, “that the springtime has brought to life again, and—but what will my daughter say, Mrs. Widdup?”
“A true heart,” continued old man Coulson, slightly distracted, “that spring has brought back to life again, and—but what will my daughter say, Mrs. Widdup?”
“Never fear, sir,” said Mrs. Widdup, cheerfully. “Miss Coulson, she ran away with the iceman last night, sir!”
“Don’t worry, sir,” Mrs. Widdup said cheerfully. “Miss Coulson ran off with the iceman last night, sir!”
X
A TECHNICAL ERROR
I never cared especially for feuds, believing them to be even more overrated products of our country than grapefruit, scrapple, or honeymoons. Nevertheless, if I may be allowed, I will tell you of an Indian Territory feud of which I was press-agent, camp-follower, and inaccessory during the fact.
I never really cared much for feuds, thinking they were even more overrated things in our country than grapefruit, scrapple, or honeymoons. Still, if you don't mind, I'll share a story about a feud in Indian Territory that I was involved in as a press agent, camp follower, and accessory during the events.
I was on a visit to Sam Durkee’s ranch, where I had a great time falling off unmanicured ponies and waving my bare hand at the lower jaws of wolves about two miles away. Sam was a hardened person of about twenty-five, with a reputation for going home in the dark with perfect equanimity, though often with reluctance.
I visited Sam Durkee's ranch, where I had a blast falling off untrained ponies and waving my bare hand at wolves about two miles away. Sam was a tough guy around twenty-five, known for heading home in the dark with total calm, even though he often did it unwillingly.
Over in the Creek Nation was a family bearing the name of Tatum. I was told that the Durkees and Tatums had been feuding for years. Several of each family had bitten the grass, and it was expected that more Nebuchadnezzars would follow. A younger generation of each family was growing up, and the grass was keeping pace with them. But I gathered that they had fought fairly; that they had not lain in cornfields and aimed at the division of their enemies’ suspenders in the back—partly, perhaps, because there were no cornfields, and nobody wore more than one suspender. Nor had any woman or child of either house ever been harmed. In those days—and you will find it so yet—their women were safe.
In the Creek Nation, there was a family named Tatum. I heard that the Durkees and Tatums had been at odds for years. Several from both families had lost their lives, and more conflicts were expected to follow. A younger generation from each family was growing up, and tensions were rising along with them. But it seemed they had fought honorably; they hadn’t ambushed each other or aimed for the enemy’s suspenders—partly, maybe, because there were no cornfields, and most people wore only one suspender. Additionally, none of the women or children from either family had ever been harmed. Back then—and it remains true today—their women were safe.
Sam Durkee had a girl. (If it were an all-fiction magazine that I expect to sell this story to, I should say, “Mr. Durkee rejoiced in a fiancée.”) Her name was Ella Baynes. They appeared to be devoted to each other, and to have perfect confidence in each other, as all couples do who are and have or aren’t and haven’t. She was tolerably pretty, with a heavy mass of brown hair that helped her along. He introduced me to her, which seemed not to lessen her preference for him; so I reasoned that they were surely soul-mates.
Sam Durkee had a girlfriend. (If I were submitting this story to a fiction magazine, I’d say, “Mr. Durkee had a fiancée.”) Her name was Ella Baynes. They seemed completely devoted to one another and had total trust in each other, just like all couples who are or aren’t meant for each other. She was pretty enough, with a thick mane of brown hair that added to her charm. He introduced me to her, but it didn’t seem to affect her affection for him; so I figured they were definitely soulmates.
Miss Baynes lived in Kingfisher, twenty miles from the ranch. Sam lived on a gallop between the two places.
Miss Baynes lived in Kingfisher, twenty miles from the ranch. Sam lived halfway between the two places.
One day there came to Kingfisher a courageous young man, rather small, with smooth face and regular features. He made many inquiries about the business of the town, and especially of the inhabitants cognominally. He said he was from Muscogee, and he looked it, with his yellow shoes and crocheted four-in-hand. I met him once when I rode in for the mail. He said his name was Beverly Travers, which seemed rather improbable.
One day, a brave young man arrived in Kingfisher. He was somewhat small, with a smooth face and even features. He asked a lot of questions about what was happening in town, especially about the people living there. He claimed to be from Muscogee, and he definitely looked the part, wearing yellow shoes and a crocheted tie. I met him once when I rode in to pick up the mail. He introduced himself as Beverly Travers, which seemed a bit unlikely.
There were active times on the ranch, just then, and Sam was too busy to go to town often. As an incompetent and generally worthless guest, it devolved upon me to ride in for little things such as post cards, barrels of flour, baking-powder, smoking-tobacco, and—letters from Ella.
There were busy times on the ranch back then, and Sam was too occupied to head into town very often. As a not-so-great and mostly useless guest, it fell on me to ride in for small things like postcards, barrels of flour, baking powder, smoking tobacco, and—letters from Ella.
One day, when I was messenger for half a gross of cigarette papers and a couple of wagon tires, I saw the alleged Beverly Travers in a yellow-wheeled buggy with Ella Baynes, driving about town as ostentatiously as the black, waxy mud would permit. I knew that this information would bring no balm of Gilead to Sam’s soul, so I refrained from including it in the news of the city that I retailed on my return. But on the next afternoon an elongated ex-cowboy of the name of Simmons, an old-time pal of Sam’s, who kept a feed store in Kingfisher, rode out to the ranch and rolled and burned many cigarettes before he would talk. When he did make oration, his words were these:
One day, while I was
“Say, Sam, there’s been a description of a galoot miscallin’ himself Bevel-edged Travels impairing the atmospheric air of Kingfisher for the past two weeks. You know who he was? He was not otherwise than Ben Tatum, from the Creek Nation, son of old Gopher Tatum that your Uncle Newt shot last February. You know what he done this morning? He killed your brother Lester—shot him in the co’t-house yard.”
“Hey Sam, there’s been a guy going around calling himself Bevel-edged Travels messing up the vibe in Kingfisher for the last two weeks. Do you know who he is? It’s actually Ben Tatum from the Creek Nation, the son of Gopher Tatum, the guy your Uncle Newt shot last February. You know what he did this morning? He killed your brother Lester—shot him in the courthouse yard.”
I wondered if Sam had heard. He pulled a twig from a mesquite bush, chewed it gravely, and said:
I wondered if Sam had heard. He pulled a twig from a mesquite bush, chewed it thoughtfully, and said:
“He did, did he? He killed Lester?”
"He did, right? He killed Lester?"
“The same,” said Simmons. “And he did more. He run away with your girl, the same as to say Miss Ella Baynes. I thought you might like to know, so I rode out to impart the information.”
“The same,” said Simmons. “And he did even more. He ran away with your girl, namely Miss Ella Baynes. I thought you’d want to know, so I rode out to share the news.”
“I am much obliged, Jim,” said Sam, taking the chewed twig from his mouth. “Yes, I’m glad you rode Out. Yes, I’m right glad.”
“I really appreciate it, Jim,” said Sam, taking the chewed twig from his mouth. “Yeah, I’m happy you came out. I’m truly glad.”
“Well, I’ll be ridin’ back, I reckon. That boy I left in the feed store don’t know hay from oats. He shot Lester in the back.”
“Well, I guess I’ll be riding back. That kid I left in the feed store doesn't know hay from oats. He shot Lester in the back.”
“Shot him in the back?”
“Shot him in the back?”
“Yes, while he was hitchin’ his hoss.”
“Yes, while he was hitching his horse.”
“I’m much obliged, Jim.”
“Thanks a lot, Jim.”
“I kind of thought you’d like to know as soon as you could.”
“I thought you’d want to know as soon as possible.”
“Come in and have some coffee before you ride back, Jim?”
“Come in and grab some coffee before you head back, Jim?”
“Why, no, I reckon not; I must get back to the store.”
“Why, no, I don’t think so; I need to get back to the store.”
“And you say—”
"And you're saying—"
“Yes, Sam. Everybody seen ’em drive away together in a buckboard, with a big bundle, like clothes, tied up in the back of it. He was drivin’ the team he brought over with him from Muscogee. They’ll be hard to overtake right away.”
“Yes, Sam. Everyone saw them drive away together in a wagon, with a big bundle, like clothes, tied up in the back. He was driving the team he brought over with him from Muscogee. They’ll be hard to catch up to right away.”
“And which—”
“And which one—”
“I was goin’ on to tell you. They left on the Guthrie road; but there’s no tellin’ which forks they’ll take—you know that.”
“I was just about to tell you. They left on the Guthrie road, but there's no telling which forks they'll choose—you know that.”
“All right, Jim; much obliged.”
“Okay, Jim; thanks a lot.”
“You’re welcome, Sam.”
"You're welcome, Sam."
Simmons rolled a cigarette and stabbed his pony with both heels. Twenty yards away he reined up and called back:
Simmons rolled a cigarette and kicked his pony with both heels. Twenty yards away, he pulled up the reins and called back:
“You don’t want no—assistance, as you might say?”
“You don’t want any help, as you might say?”
“Not any, thanks.”
“No, thanks.”
“I didn’t think you would. Well, so long!”
“I didn’t think you would. Alright, take care!”
Sam took out and opened a bone-handled pocket-knife and scraped a dried piece of mud from his left boot. I thought at first he was going to swear a vendetta on the blade of it, or recite “The Gipsy’s Curse.” The few feuds I had ever seen or read about usually opened that way. This one seemed to be presented with a new treatment. Thus offered on the stage, it would have been hissed off, and one of Belasco’s thrilling melodramas demanded instead.
Sam pulled out a bone-handled pocket knife and scraped a dried piece of mud off his left boot. At first, I thought he was about to swear revenge on it or recite “The Gipsy’s Curse.” The few feuds I had ever seen or read about usually started that way. This one felt like it was being presented differently. If it were part of a play, the audience would have booed it off the stage and demanded one of Belasco’s gripping melodramas instead.
“I wonder,” said Sam, with a profoundly thoughtful expression, “if the cook has any cold beans left over!”
“I wonder,” said Sam, looking deeply thoughtful, “if the cook has any cold beans left!”
He called Wash, the Negro cook, and finding that he had some, ordered him to heat up the pot and make some strong coffee. Then we went into Sam’s private room, where he slept, and kept his armoury, dogs, and the saddles of his favourite mounts. He took three or four six-shooters out of a bookcase and began to look them over, whistling “The Cowboy’s Lament” abstractedly. Afterward he ordered the two best horses on the ranch saddled and tied to the hitching-post.
He called Wash, the Black cook, and finding that he had some, told him to heat up the pot and make some strong coffee. Then we went into Sam’s private room, where he slept and kept his weapons, dogs, and the saddles of his favorite horses. He took three or four revolvers out of a bookshelf and started checking them out, whistling “The Cowboy’s Lament” absentmindedly. Afterward, he ordered the two best horses on the ranch to be saddled and tied to the hitching post.
Now, in the feud business, in all sections of the country, I have observed that in one particular there is a delicate but strict etiquette belonging. You must not mention the word or refer to the subject in the presence of a feudist. It would be more reprehensible than commenting upon the mole on the chin of your rich aunt. I found, later on, that there is another unwritten rule, but I think that belongs solely to the West.
Now, in the feud business, throughout the country, I've noticed that there's a sensitive but firm etiquette involved. You can't mention the word or talk about the topic in front of a feudist. It's considered more inappropriate than commenting on the mole on your wealthy aunt's chin. I discovered later that there's another unwritten rule, but I believe that one is unique to the West.
It yet lacked two hours to supper-time; but in twenty minutes Sam and I were plunging deep into the reheated beans, hot coffee, and cold beef.
It was still two hours until dinner time, but in twenty minutes, Sam and I were diving into the reheated beans, hot coffee, and cold beef.
“Nothing like a good meal before a long ride,” said Sam. “Eat hearty.”
“There's nothing like a good meal before a long ride,” said Sam. “Eat well.”
I had a sudden suspicion.
I suddenly had a hunch.
“Why did you have two horses saddled?” I asked.
“Why did you have two horses saddled?” I asked.
“One, two—one, two,” said Sam. “You can count, can’t you?”
“One, two—one, two,” said Sam. “You can count, right?”
His mathematics carried with it a momentary qualm and a lesson. The thought had not occurred to him that the thought could possibly occur to me not to ride at his side on that red road to revenge and justice. It was the higher calculus. I was booked for the trail. I began to eat more beans.
His math came with a brief hesitation and a lesson. It hadn’t crossed his mind that I might think twice about riding beside him on that red road to revenge and justice. It was advanced calculus. I was set for the journey. I started eating more beans.
In an hour we set forth at a steady gallop eastward. Our horses were Kentucky-bred, strengthened by the mesquite grass of the west. Ben Tatum’s steeds may have been swifter, and he had a good lead; but if he had heard the punctual thuds of the hoofs of those trailers of ours, born in the heart of feudland, he might have felt that retribution was creeping up on the hoof-prints of his dapper nags.
In an hour, we took off at a steady gallop heading east. Our horses were raised in Kentucky, toughened by the mesquite grass of the west. Ben Tatum’s horses might have been faster, and he had a solid lead; but if he had heard the consistent pounding of the hooves from our horses, born in the heart of conflict territory, he might have sensed that retribution was closing in on the tracks of his well-groomed nags.
I knew that Ben Tatum’s card to play was flight—flight until he came within the safer territory of his own henchmen and supporters. He knew that the man pursuing him would follow the trail to any end where it might lead.
I knew that Ben Tatum’s move was to run—run until he reached the safer area where his own henchmen and supporters were. He understood that the person chasing him would follow the trail to wherever it might go.
During the ride Sam talked of the prospect for rain, of the price of beef, and of the musical glasses. You would have thought he had never had a brother or a sweetheart or an enemy on earth. There are some subjects too big even for the words in the “Unabridged.” Knowing this phase of the feud code, but not having practised it sufficiently, I overdid the thing by telling some slightly funny anecdotes. Sam laughed at exactly the right place—laughed with his mouth. When I caught sight of his mouth, I wished I had been blessed with enough sense of humour to have suppressed those anecdotes.
During the ride, Sam talked about the chance of rain, the price of beef, and the musical glasses. You would think he had never had a brother, a girlfriend, or an enemy in the world. Some subjects are just too big for even the “Unabridged” dictionary. I understood this part of the feud code, but not having practiced it enough, I overdid it by sharing a few slightly funny stories. Sam laughed at all the right moments—laughed with his mouth. When I saw his mouth, I wished I had been smart enough to hold back those stories.
Our first sight of them we had in Guthrie. Tired and hungry, we stumbled, unwashed, into a little yellow-pine hotel and sat at a table. In the opposite corner we saw the fugitives. They were bent upon their meal, but looked around at times uneasily.
Our first sight of them was in Guthrie. Tired and hungry, we stumbled, unwashed, into a small yellow-pine hotel and sat at a table. In the opposite corner, we saw the fugitives. They were focused on their meal but looked around uneasily from time to time.
The girl was dressed in brown—one of these smooth, half-shiny, silky-looking affairs with lace collar and cuffs, and what I believe they call an accordion-plaited skirt. She wore a thick brown veil down to her nose, and a broad-brimmed straw hat with some kind of feathers adorning it. The man wore plain, dark clothes, and his hair was trimmed very short. He was such a man as you might see anywhere.
The girl was dressed in brown—one of those sleek, slightly shiny, silky-looking outfits with a lace collar and cuffs, and what I think they call an accordion-pleated skirt. She had a thick brown veil covering her nose and a wide-brimmed straw hat decorated with some feathers. The man wore simple, dark clothes, and his hair was cut very short. He looked like a guy you could find anywhere.
There they were—the murderer and the woman he had stolen. There we were—the rightful avenger, according to the code, and the supernumerary who writes these words.
There they were—the killer and the woman he had taken. There we were—the rightful avenger, as per the code, and the extra who writes these words.
For one time, at least, in the heart of the supernumerary there rose the killing instinct. For one moment he joined the force of combatants—orally.
For once, at least, deep within the extra person, the urge to fight surged. For just a moment, he became part of the group of fighters—verbally.
“What are you waiting for, Sam?” I said in a whisper. “Let him have it now!”
“What are you waiting for, Sam?” I whispered. “Give it to him now!”
Sam gave a melancholy sigh.
Sam let out a sad sigh.
“You don’t understand; but he does,” he said. “He knows. Mr. Tenderfoot, there’s a rule out here among white men in the Nation that you can’t shoot a man when he’s with a woman. I never knew it to be broke yet. You can’t do it. You’ve got to get him in a gang of men or by himself. That’s why. He knows it, too. We all know. So, that’s Mr. Ben Tatum! One of the ‘pretty men’! I’ll cut him out of the herd before they leave the hotel, and regulate his account!”
“You don’t get it; but he does,” he said. “He knows. Mr. Tenderfoot, there’s a rule out here among white men in the Nation that you can’t shoot a man when he’s with a woman. I’ve never seen it broken. You can’t do it. You’ve got to catch him with a group of men or by himself. That’s the reason. He knows it, too. We all know. So, that’s Mr. Ben Tatum! One of the ‘pretty boys’! I’ll take him out of the group before they leave the hotel and settle his account!”
After supper the flying pair disappeared quickly. Although Sam haunted lobby and stairway and halls half the night, in some mysterious way the fugitives eluded him; and in the morning the veiled lady in the brown dress with the accordion-plaited skirt and the dapper young man with the close-clipped hair, and the buckboard with the prancing nags, were gone.
After dinner, the couple vanished quickly. Even though Sam lingered in the lobby, stairway, and halls for half the night, somehow the fugitives managed to avoid him; by morning, the mysterious lady in the brown dress with the accordion-pleated skirt, along with the stylish young man with the closely cropped hair, and the buckboard with the lively horses, had disappeared.
It is a monotonous story, that of the ride; so it shall be curtailed. Once again we overtook them on a road. We were about fifty yards behind. They turned in the buckboard and looked at us; then drove on without whipping up their horses. Their safety no longer lay in speed. Ben Tatum knew. He knew that the only rock of safety left to him was the code. There is no doubt that, had he been alone, the matter would have been settled quickly with Sam Durkee in the usual way; but he had something at his side that kept still the trigger-finger of both. It seemed likely that he was no coward.
It’s a dull story, that of the ride; so I’ll keep it short. Once again, we caught up to them on the road. We were about fifty yards behind. They turned in the buckboard and looked back at us; then drove on without urging their horses faster. Their safety no longer depended on speed. Ben Tatum understood. He knew that the only thing keeping him safe was the code. There’s no doubt that if he had been alone, the issue would have been resolved quickly with Sam Durkee in the usual way; but he had something by his side that held back the trigger-fingers of both. It seemed likely that he wasn’t a coward.
So, you may perceive that woman, on occasions, may postpone instead of precipitating conflict between man and man. But not willingly or consciously. She is oblivious of codes.
So, you might notice that sometimes a woman may delay rather than trigger conflict between men. But she doesn't do it intentionally or with awareness. She's unaware of the unwritten rules.
Five miles farther, we came upon the future great Western city of Chandler. The horses of pursuers and pursued were starved and weary. There was one hotel that offered danger to man and entertainment to beast; so the four of us met again in the dining room at the ringing of a bell so resonant and large that it had cracked the welkin long ago. The dining room was not as large as the one at Guthrie.
Five miles further on, we reached the future booming city of Chandler. The horses of both the hunters and the hunted were tired and thin. There was one hotel that posed a threat to people and fun for animals; so the four of us gathered again in the dining room when a bell rang so loudly that it had shattered the sky ages ago. The dining room wasn't as big as the one in Guthrie.
Just as we were eating apple pie—how Ben Davises and tragedy impinge upon each other!—I noticed Sam looking with keen intentness at our quarry where they were seated at a table across the room. The girl still wore the brown dress with lace collar and cuffs, and the veil drawn down to her nose. The man bent over his plate, with his close cropped head held low.
Just as we were eating apple pie—how Ben Davises and tragedy connect!—I noticed Sam staring intently at our target, who were sitting at a table across the room. The girl was still wearing the brown dress with the lace collar and cuffs, and the veil drawn down to her nose. The man leaned over his plate, with his closely cropped head held low.
“There’s a code,” I heard Sam say, either to me or to himself, “that won’t let you shoot a man in the company of a woman; but, by thunder, there ain’t one to keep you from killing a woman in the company of a man!”
“There’s a code,” I heard Sam say, either to me or to himself, “that won’t let you shoot a guy in front of a woman; but, damn, there's nothing stopping you from killing a woman in front of a guy!”
And, quicker than my mind could follow his argument, he whipped a Colt’s automatic from under his left arm and pumped six bullets into the body that the brown dress covered—the brown dress with the lace collar and cuffs and the accordion-plaited skirt.
And, faster than I could process his argument, he pulled out a Colt’s automatic from under his left arm and fired six shots into the body covered by the brown dress—the brown dress with the lace collar and cuffs and the accordion-pleated skirt.
The young person in the dark sack suit, from whose head and from whose life a woman’s glory had been clipped, laid her head on her arms stretched upon the table; while people came running to raise Ben Tatum from the floor in his feminine masquerade that had given Sam the opportunity to set aside, technically, the obligations of the code.
The young person in the dark suit, from whose head and from whose life a woman’s glory had been taken away, rested her head on her arms stretched out on the table; while people rushed in to lift Ben Tatum from the floor in his feminine disguise that had allowed Sam to technically sidestep the obligations of the code.
XI
SUITE HOMES AND THEIR ROMANCE
Few young couples in the Big-City-of-Bluff began their married existence with greater promise of happiness than did Mr. and Mrs. Claude Turpin. They felt no especial animosity toward each other; they were comfortably established in a handsome apartment house that had a name and accommodations like those of a sleeping-car; they were living as expensively as the couple on the next floor above who had twice their income; and their marriage had occurred on a wager, a ferry-boat and first acquaintance, thus securing a sensational newspaper notice with their names attached to pictures of the Queen of Roumania and M. Santos-Dumont.
Few young couples in Bluff City had brighter prospects for happiness than Mr. and Mrs. Claude Turpin. They didn’t harbor any significant resentment toward each other; they were comfortably settled in a beautiful apartment building that had a name and amenities similar to those of a sleeper train; they were living as lavishly as the couple on the floor above them who earned twice as much; and their marriage had happened as the result of a bet, a ferry ride, and a brief meeting, which earned them a sensational newspaper article featuring their names alongside pictures of the Queen of Roumania and M. Santos-Dumont.
Turpin’s income was $200 per month. On pay day, after calculating the amounts due for rent, instalments on furniture and piano, gas, and bills owed to the florist, confectioner, milliner, tailor, wine merchant and cab company, the Turpins would find that they still had $200 left to spend. How to do this is one of the secrets of metropolitan life.
Turpin’s income was $200 a month. On payday, after figuring out the costs for rent, payments on furniture and the piano, gas, and bills owed to the florist, candy shop, hat maker, tailor, wine seller, and taxi company, the Turpins would discover that they still had $200 left to spend. How they managed this is one of the mysteries of city living.
The domestic life of the Turpins was a beautiful picture to see. But you couldn’t gaze upon it as you could at an oleograph of “Don’t Wake Grandma,” or “Brooklyn by Moonlight.”
The household of the Turpins was a lovely sight. But you couldn’t look at it the way you would at a print of “Don’t Wake Grandma” or “Brooklyn by Moonlight.”
You had to blink when looked at it; and you heard a fizzing sound just like the machine with a “scope” at the end of it. Yes; there wasn’t much repose about the picture of the Turpins’ domestic life. It was something like “Spearing Salmon in the Columbia River,” or “Japanese Artillery in Action.”
You had to blink when you looked at it, and you heard a fizzing sound just like the machine with a "scope" at the end of it. Yeah, there wasn’t much calmness in the picture of the Turpins’ family life. It was something like "Spearing Salmon in the Columbia River" or "Japanese Artillery in Action."
Every day was just like another; as the days are in New York. In the morning Turpin would take bromo-seltzer, his pocket change from under the clock, his hat, no breakfast and his departure for the office. At noon Mrs. Turpin would get out of bed and humour, put on a kimono, airs, and the water to boil for coffee.
Every day was pretty much the same; just like the days in New York. In the morning, Turpin would take bromo-seltzer, grab his pocket change from under the clock, put on his hat, skip breakfast, and head to the office. At noon, Mrs. Turpin would get out of bed, keep up appearances, put on a kimono, and start boiling water for coffee.
Turpin lunched downtown. He came home at 6 to dress for dinner. They always dined out. They strayed from the chop-house to chop-sueydom, from terrace to table d’hôte, from rathskeller to roadhouse, from café to casino, from Maria’s to the Martha Washington. Such is domestic life in the great city. Your vine is the mistletoe; your fig tree bears dates. Your household gods are Mercury and John Howard Payne. For the wedding march you now hear only “Come with the Gypsy Bride.” You rarely dine at the same place twice in succession. You tire of the food; and, besides, you want to give them time for the question of that souvenir silver sugar bowl to blow over.
Turpin had lunch downtown. He got home at 6 to get ready for dinner. They always ate out. They moved from the chop house to a Chinese place, from a terrace to a fixed menu restaurant, from a beer cellar to a roadhouse, from a café to a casino, from Maria’s to the Martha Washington. That’s domestic life in the big city. Your vine is the mistletoe; your fig tree produces dates. Your household gods are Mercury and John Howard Payne. For the wedding march, you only hear “Come with the Gypsy Bride” now. You rarely eat at the same place two times in a row. You get tired of the food, and besides, you want to give them time for the issue of that souvenir silver sugar bowl to fade away.
The Turpins were therefore happy. They made many warm and delightful friends, some of whom they remembered the next day. Their home life was an ideal one, according to the rules and regulations of the Book of Bluff.
The Turpins were therefore happy. They made many warm and delightful friends, some of whom they remembered the next day. Their home life was an ideal one, according to the rules and regulations of the Book of Bluff.
There came a time when it dawned upon Turpin that his wife was getting away with too much money. If you belong to the near-swell class in the Big City, and your income is $200 per month, and you find at the end of the month, after looking over the bills for current expenses, that you, yourself, have spent $150, you very naturally wonder what has become of the other $50. So you suspect your wife. And perhaps you give her a hint that something needs explanation.
There came a time when Turpin realized that his wife was handling too much money. If you’re part of the almost upper class in the Big City, and your income is $200 a month, and by the end of the month, after checking your bills for expenses, you see that you’ve spent $150, you naturally start to wonder what happened to the other $50. So, you begin to suspect your wife. And maybe you drop her a hint that something needs to be explained.
“I say, Vivien,” said Turpin, one afternoon when they were enjoying in rapt silence the peace and quiet of their cozy apartment, “you’ve been creating a hiatus big enough for a dog to crawl through in this month’s honorarium. You haven’t been paying your dressmaker anything on account, have you?”
“I say, Vivien,” Turpin said one afternoon as they were happily enjoying the peace and quiet of their cozy apartment, “you’ve been making such a gap in this month’s paycheck that a dog could crawl through it. You haven’t been paying your dressmaker anything, have you?”
There was a moment’s silence. No sounds could be heard except the breathing of the fox terrier, and the subdued, monotonous sizzling of Vivien’s fulvous locks against the insensate curling irons. Claude Turpin, sitting upon a pillow that he had thoughtfully placed upon the convolutions of the apartment sofa, narrowly watched the riante, lovely face of his wife.
There was a brief moment of silence. The only sounds were the breathing of the fox terrier and the soft, steady sizzling of Vivien’s golden hair against the hot curling irons. Claude Turpin, sitting on a pillow he had thoughtfully placed on the cushions of the apartment sofa, closely watched the cheerful, beautiful face of his wife.
“Claudie, dear,” said she, touching her finger to her ruby tongue and testing the unresponsive curling irons, “you do me an injustice. Mme. Toinette has not seen a cent of mine since the day you paid your tailor ten dollars on account.”
“Claudie, dear,” she said, touching her finger to her ruby tongue and testing the unresponsive curling irons, “you’re doing me an injustice. Mme. Toinette hasn’t seen a penny of mine since the day you paid your tailor ten dollars on account.”
Turpin’s suspicions were allayed for the time. But one day soon there came an anonymous letter to him that read:
Turpin’s suspicions were eased for now. But one day, he received an anonymous letter that said:
Watch your wife. She is blowing in your money secretly. I was a sufferer just as you are. The place is No. 345 Blank Street. A word to the wise, etc.
Watch your wife. She's secretly spending your money. I was in the same situation as you. The address is 345 Blank Street. Just a heads up, etc.
A MAN WHO KNOWS.
A man who knows.
Turpin took this letter to the captain of police of the precinct that he lived in.
Turpin brought this letter to the precinct captain.
“My precinct is as clean as a hound’s tooth,” said the captain. “The lid’s shut down as close there as it is over the eye of a Williamsburg girl when she’s kissed at a party. But if you think there’s anything queer at the address, I’ll go there with ye.”
“My precinct is as clean as can be,” said the captain. “The lid’s shut down as tightly there as it is over the eye of a Williamsburg girl when she’s kissed at a party. But if you think there’s anything off at that address, I’ll go there with you.”
On the next afternoon at 3, Turpin and the captain crept softly up the stairs of No. 345 Blank Street. A dozen plain-clothes men, dressed in full police uniforms, so as to allay suspicion, waited in the hall below.
On the next afternoon at 3, Turpin and the captain quietly climbed the stairs of No. 345 Blank Street. A dozen undercover officers, wearing full police uniforms to avoid raising suspicion, were waiting in the hall below.
At the top of the stairs was a door, which was found to be locked. The captain took a key from his pocket and unlocked it. The two men entered.
At the top of the stairs was a locked door. The captain took a key from his pocket and unlocked it. The two men went inside.
They found themselves in a large room, occupied by twenty or twenty-five elegantly clothed ladies. Racing charts hung against the walls, a ticker clicked in one corner; with a telephone receiver to his ear a man was calling out the various positions of the horses in a very exciting race. The occupants of the room looked up at the intruders; but, as if reassured by the sight of the captain’s uniform, they reverted their attention to the man at the telephone.
They found themselves in a large room filled with twenty or twenty-five elegantly dressed women. Racing charts were pinned to the walls, a ticker was clicking in one corner; a man with a telephone receiver to his ear was calling out the positions of the horses in an exciting race. The people in the room looked up at the newcomers, but as soon as they saw the captain's uniform, they turned their attention back to the man on the phone.
“You see,” said the captain to Turpin, “the value of an anonymous letter! No high-minded and self-respecting gentleman should consider one worthy of notice. Is your wife among this assembly, Mr. Turpin?”
“You see,” said the captain to Turpin, “the value of an anonymous letter! No honorable and self-respecting gentleman should think it’s worth paying attention to. Is your wife here with this group, Mr. Turpin?”
“She is not,” said Turpin.
"She isn't," said Turpin.
“And if she was,” continued the captain, “would she be within the reach of the tongue of slander? These ladies constitute a Browning Society. They meet to discuss the meaning of the great poet. The telephone is connected with Boston, whence the parent society transmits frequently its interpretations of the poems. Be ashamed of yer suspicions, Mr. Turpin.”
“And if she was,” the captain went on, “would she be vulnerable to gossip? These ladies make up a Browning Society. They get together to talk about the meaning of the great poet. The telephone is connected to Boston, where the main society often shares its interpretations of the poems. You should be embarrassed by your suspicions, Mr. Turpin.”
“Go soak your shield,” said Turpin. “Vivien knows how to take care of herself in a pool-room. She’s not dropping anything on the ponies. There must be something queer going on here.”
“Go soak your shield,” said Turpin. “Vivien knows how to handle herself in a pool hall. She’s not letting anything slip when it comes to the ponies. There’s definitely something off happening here.”
“Nothing but Browning,” said the captain. “Hear that?”
“Nothing but Browning,” said the captain. “Do you hear that?”
“Thanatopsis by a nose,” drawled the man at the telephone.
“Thanatopsis by a nose,” the guy on the phone said lazily.
“That’s not Browning; that’s Longfellow,” said Turpin, who sometimes read books.
“That’s not Browning; that’s Longfellow,” said Turpin, who occasionally read books.
“Back to the pasture!” exclaimed the captain. “Longfellow made the pacing-to-wagon record of 7.53 ’way back in 1868.”
“Back to the pasture!” the captain exclaimed. “Longfellow set the pacing-to-wagon record of 7.53 way back in 1868.”
“I believe there’s something queer about this joint,” repeated Turpin.
“I think there’s something weird about this place,” repeated Turpin.
“I don’t see it,” said the captain.
“I can’t see it,” said the captain.
“I know it looks like a pool-room, all right,” persisted Turpin, “but that’s all a blind. Vivien has been dropping a lot of coin somewhere. I believe there’s some under-handed work going on here.”
“I know it looks like a pool room, for sure,” Turpin insisted, “but that’s just a cover. Vivien has been spending a lot of money somewhere. I think there’s some shady business happening here.”
A number of racing sheets were tacked close together, covering a large space on one of the walls. Turpin, suspicious, tore several of them down. A door, previously hidden, was revealed. Turpin placed an ear to the crack and listened intently. He heard the soft hum of many voices, low and guarded laughter, and a sharp, metallic clicking and scraping as if from a multitude of tiny but busy objects.
A bunch of racing sheets were pinned close together, taking up a big area on one of the walls. Turpin, feeling suspicious, ripped a few of them down. A door that had been hidden before appeared. Turpin pressed his ear to the gap and listened carefully. He heard the soft buzz of many voices, quiet and cautious laughter, and a sharp, metallic clicking and scraping like a bunch of small but busy objects.
“My God! It is as I feared!” whispered Turpin to himself. “Summon your men at once!” he called to the captain. “She is in there, I know.”
“My God! It’s just as I feared!” Turpin whispered to himself. “Call your men immediately!” he shouted to the captain. “She’s in there, I’m sure of it.”
At the blowing of the captain’s whistle the uniformed plain-clothes men rushed up the stairs into the pool-room. When they saw the betting paraphernalia distributed around they halted, surprised and puzzled to know why they had been summoned.
At the sound of the captain's whistle, the plainclothes officers in uniform rushed up the stairs into the poolroom. When they spotted the betting equipment scattered around, they stopped, surprised and confused about why they had been called.
But the captain pointed to the locked door and bade them break it down. In a few moments they demolished it with the axes they carried. Into the other room sprang Claude Turpin, with the captain at his heels.
But the captain pointed to the locked door and told them to break it down. In a few moments, they smashed it with the axes they had. Claude Turpin jumped into the other room, with the captain following closely behind him.
The scene was one that lingered long in Turpin’s mind. Nearly a score of women—women expensively and fashionably clothed, many beautiful and of refined appearance—had been seated at little marble-topped tables. When the police burst open the door they shrieked and ran here and there like gayly plumed birds that had been disturbed in a tropical grove. Some became hysterical; one or two fainted; several knelt at the feet of the officers and besought them for mercy on account of their families and social position.
The scene stuck in Turpin’s mind for a long time. About twenty women—dressed in expensive, fashionable clothes, many of them beautiful and looking refined—were sitting at small marble-topped tables. When the police kicked the door open, they shrieked and scattered like brightly colored birds startled in a tropical grove. Some became hysterical; one or two fainted; several knelt at the officers' feet, begging for mercy because of their families and social status.
A man who had been seated behind a desk had seized a roll of currency as large as the ankle of a Paradise Roof Gardens chorus girl and jumped out of the window. Half a dozen attendants huddled at one end of the room, breathless from fear.
A man who had been sitting behind a desk grabbed a stack of cash as big as an ankle of a performer from Paradise Roof Gardens and jumped out of the window. Half a dozen staff members were huddled at one end of the room, panting from fear.
Upon the tables remained the damning and incontrovertible evidences of the guilt of the habituées of that sinister room—dish after dish heaped high with ice cream, and surrounded by stacks of empty ones, scraped to the last spoonful.
Upon the tables lay the undeniable evidence of the guilt of the regulars in that creepy room—dish after dish piled high with ice cream, surrounded by stacks of empty ones, scraped clean to the last spoonful.
“Ladies,” said the captain to his weeping circle of prisoners, “I’ll not hold any of yez. Some of yez I recognize as having fine houses and good standing in the community, with hard-working husbands and childer at home. But I’ll read ye a bit of a lecture before ye go. In the next room there’s a 20-to-1 shot just dropped in under the wire three lengths ahead of the field. Is this the way ye waste your husbands’ money instead of helping earn it? Home wid yez! The lid’s on the ice-cream freezer in this precinct.”
“Ladies,” said the captain to his sobbing group of prisoners, “I won’t keep any of you. I recognize some of you as having nice homes and good reputations in the community, with hardworking husbands and kids at home. But I’m going to give you a little lecture before you leave. In the next room, there’s a 20-to-1 shot that just came in three lengths ahead of the rest. Is this how you waste your husbands’ money instead of helping to earn it? Go home! The lid’s on the ice cream freezer in this precinct.”
Claude Turpin’s wife was among the patrons of the raided room. He led her to their apartment in stern silence. There she wept so remorsefully and besought his forgiveness so pleadingly that he forgot his just anger, and soon he gathered his penitent golden-haired Vivien in his arms and forgave her.
Claude Turpin’s wife was one of the people in the room that got raided. He took her to their apartment in heavy silence. Once there, she cried so regretfully and begged for his forgiveness so earnestly that he forgot his rightful anger, and soon he pulled his sorry golden-haired Vivien into his arms and forgave her.
“Darling,” she murmured, half sobbingly, as the moonlight drifted through the open window, glorifying her sweet, upturned face, “I know I done wrong. I will never touch ice cream again. I forgot you were not a millionaire. I used to go there every day. But to-day I felt some strange, sad presentiment of evil, and I was not myself. I ate only eleven saucers.”
“Darling,” she whispered, half sobbing, as the moonlight flowed through the open window, illuminating her sweet, upturned face, “I know I was wrong. I promise I won't eat ice cream again. I forgot you weren't a millionaire. I used to go there every day. But today, I felt some strange, sad sense of foreboding, and I wasn’t myself. I only ate eleven scoops.”
“Say no more,” said Claude, gently as he fondly caressed her waving curls.
“Say no more,” Claude said softly as he affectionately stroked her flowing curls.
“And you are sure that you fully forgive me?” asked Vivien, gazing at him entreatingly with dewy eyes of heavenly blue.
“And you’re sure you completely forgive me?” Vivien asked, looking at him pleadingly with her tear-filled, heavenly blue eyes.
“Almost sure, little one,” answered Claude, stooping and lightly touching her snowy forehead with his lips. “I’ll let you know later on. I’ve got a month’s salary down on Vanilla to win the three-year-old steeplechase to-morrow; and if the ice-cream hunch is to the good you are It again—see?”
“Pretty sure, kiddo,” Claude replied, bending down and gently kissing her pale forehead. “I’ll tell you later. I’ve got a month’s salary riding on Vanilla to win the three-year-old steeplechase tomorrow; and if the ice-cream tip pays off, you’re in again—got it?”
XII
THE WHIRLIGIG OF LIFE
Justice-of-the-Peace Benaja Widdup sat in the door of his office smoking his elder-stem pipe. Half-way to the zenith the Cumberland range rose blue-gray in the afternoon haze. A speckled hen swaggered down the main street of the “settlement,” cackling foolishly.
Justice-of-the-Peace Benaja Widdup sat in the doorway of his office, smoking his elder-stem pipe. The Cumberland range loomed blue-gray in the afternoon haze, reaching halfway to the zenith. A speckled hen strutted down the main street of the "settlement," clucking aimlessly.
Up the road came a sound of creaking axles, and then a slow cloud of dust, and then a bull-cart bearing Ransie Bilbro and his wife. The cart stopped at the Justice’s door, and the two climbed down. Ransie was a narrow six feet of sallow brown skin and yellow hair. The imperturbability of the mountains hung upon him like a suit of armour. The woman was calicoed, angled, snuff-brushed, and weary with unknown desires. Through it all gleamed a faint protest of cheated youth unconscious of its loss.
Up the road came the sound of creaking axles, followed by a slow cloud of dust, and then a bull-cart carrying Ransie Bilbro and his wife. The cart stopped at the Justice’s door, and the two got down. Ransie was a lanky six feet tall with sallow brown skin and yellow hair. The calmness of the mountains surrounded him like a suit of armor. The woman was dressed in calico, with a sharp appearance, a tired look, and an air of unfulfilled desires. Through it all shone a faint expression of lost youth that wasn't aware of what it had lost.
The Justice of the Peace slipped his feet into his shoes, for the sake of dignity, and moved to let them enter.
The Justice of the Peace put on his shoes for the sake of dignity and stepped aside to let them in.
“We-all,” said the woman, in a voice like the wind blowing through pine boughs, “wants a divo’ce.” She looked at Ransie to see if he noted any flaw or ambiguity or evasion or partiality or self-partisanship in her statement of their business.
“We all,” said the woman, in a voice like the wind rustling through pine branches, “want a divorce.” She looked at Ransie to see if he spotted any flaws, ambiguities, evasions, biases, or self-interests in her statement about their situation.
“A divo’ce,” repeated Ransie, with a solemn nod. “We-all can’t git along together nohow. It’s lonesome enough fur to live in the mount’ins when a man and a woman keers fur one another. But when she’s a-spittin’ like a wildcat or a-sullenin’ like a hoot-owl in the cabin, a man ain’t got no call to live with her.”
“A divorce,” Ransie repeated, nodding seriously. “We just can’t get along at all. It’s lonely enough living in the mountains when a man and a woman care for each other. But when she’s hissing like a wildcat or sulking like an owl in the cabin, a man has no reason to stay with her.”
“When he’s a no-’count varmint,” said the woman, “without any especial warmth, a-traipsin’ along of scalawags and moonshiners and a-layin’ on his back pizen ’ith co’n whiskey, and a-pesterin’ folks with a pack o’ hungry, triflin’ houn’s to feed!”
“When he’s a worthless good-for-nothing,” said the woman, “without any real charm, wandering around with losers and bootleggers and lying on his back poisoning himself with corn whiskey, and bothering people with a bunch of hungry, useless hounds to feed!”
“When she keeps a-throwin’ skillet lids,” came Ransie’s antiphony, “and slings b’ilin’ water on the best coon-dog in the Cumberlands, and sets herself agin’ cookin’ a man’s victuals, and keeps him awake o’ nights accusin’ him of a sight of doin’s!”
“When she keeps throwing skillet lids,” Ransie responded, “and pours boiling water on the best coon dog in the Cumberlands, and insists on cooking a man’s meals, and keeps him up at night accusing him of all sorts of things!”
“When he’s al’ays a-fightin’ the revenues, and gits a hard name in the mount’ins fur a mean man, who’s gwine to be able fur to sleep o’ nights?”
“When he’s always fighting against the authorities and gets a bad reputation in the mountains for being a rotten person, who’s going to be able to sleep at night?”
The Justice of the Peace stirred deliberately to his duties. He placed his one chair and a wooden stool for his petitioners. He opened his book of statutes on the table and scanned the index. Presently he wiped his spectacles and shifted his inkstand.
The Justice of the Peace methodically got to work. He set up his single chair and a wooden stool for those coming to him. He opened his book of laws on the table and looked through the index. Soon, he cleaned his glasses and adjusted his inkstand.
“The law and the statutes,” said he, “air silent on the subjeck of divo’ce as fur as the jurisdiction of this co’t air concerned. But, accordin’ to equity and the Constitution and the golden rule, it’s a bad barg’in that can’t run both ways. If a justice of the peace can marry a couple, it’s plain that he is bound to be able to divo’ce ’em. This here office will issue a decree of divo’ce and abide by the decision of the Supreme Co’t to hold it good.”
“The laws and regulations,” he said, “are silent on the topic of divorce as far as the jurisdiction of this court is concerned. But, according to equity, the Constitution, and the golden rule, it’s a bad deal that can’t work both ways. If a justice of the peace can marry a couple, it’s clear that he should also be able to divorce them. This office will issue a divorce decree and stand by the decision of the Supreme Court to validate it.”
Ransie Bilbro drew a small tobacco-bag from his trousers pocket. Out of this he shook upon the table a five-dollar note. “Sold a b’arskin and two foxes fur that,” he remarked. “It’s all the money we got.”
Ransie Bilbro pulled a small tobacco bag from his pants pocket. He shook a five-dollar bill onto the table. “I sold a bear skin and two fox furs for that,” he said. “It’s all the money we have.”
“The regular price of a divo’ce in this co’t,” said the Justice, “air five dollars.” He stuffed the bill into the pocket of his homespun vest with a deceptive air of indifference. With much bodily toil and mental travail he wrote the decree upon half a sheet of foolscap, and then copied it upon the other. Ransie Bilbro and his wife listened to his reading of the document that was to give them freedom:
“The regular price of a divorce in this court,” said the Justice, “is five dollars.” He stuffed the bill into the pocket of his homemade vest with a feigned air of indifference. With considerable physical effort and mental strain, he wrote the decree on half a sheet of foolscap, and then copied it onto the other. Ransie Bilbro and his wife listened as he read the document that was about to grant them their freedom:
“Know all men by these presents that Ransie Bilbro and his wife, Ariela Bilbro, this day personally appeared before me and promises that hereinafter they will neither love, honour, nor obey each other, neither for better nor worse, being of sound mind and body, and accept summons for divorce according to the peace and dignity of the State. Herein fail not, so help you God. Benaja Widdup, justice of the peace in and for the county of Piedmont, State of Tennessee.”
“Know all people by this document that Ransie Bilbro and his wife, Ariela Bilbro, have appeared before me today and promise that from now on, they will neither love, honor, nor obey each other, neither for better nor worse, being of sound mind and body, and accept a summons for divorce according to the peace and dignity of the State. Do not fail here, so help you God. Benaja Widdup, justice of the peace for the county of Piedmont, State of Tennessee.”
The Justice was about to hand one of the documents to Ransie. The voice of Ariela delayed the transfer. Both men looked at her. Their dull masculinity was confronted by something sudden and unexpected in the woman.
The Justice was about to hand one of the documents to Ransie. Ariela's voice interrupted the exchange. Both men turned to look at her. Their bland masculinity was challenged by something unexpected and striking in the woman.
“Judge, don’t you give him that air paper yit. ’Tain’t all settled, nohow. I got to have my rights first. I got to have my ali-money. ’Tain’t no kind of a way to do fur a man to divo’ce his wife ’thout her havin’ a cent fur to do with. I’m a-layin’ off to be a-goin’ up to brother Ed’s up on Hogback Mount’in. I’m bound fur to hev a pa’r of shoes and some snuff and things besides. Ef Rance kin affo’d a divo’ce, let him pay me ali-money.”
“Judge, don’t you give him that divorce paper yet. It’s not all settled, no way. I need to have my rights first. I need to get my alimony. It’s really not fair for a man to divorce his wife without her having a cent to her name. I’m planning to go up to my brother Ed’s up on Hogback Mountain. I’m determined to get a pair of shoes and some snuff and other things too. If Rance can afford a divorce, he should pay me alimony.”
Ransie Bilbro was stricken to dumb perplexity. There had been no previous hint of alimony. Women were always bringing up startling and unlooked-for issues.
Ransie Bilbro was completely bewildered. There had been no prior indication of alimony. Women always seemed to raise surprising and unexpected issues.
Justice Benaja Widdup felt that the point demanded judicial decision. The authorities were also silent on the subject of alimony. But the woman’s feet were bare. The trail to Hogback Mountain was steep and flinty.
Justice Benaja Widdup believed that the issue needed a legal ruling. The authorities also had nothing to say about alimony. But the woman was barefoot. The path to Hogback Mountain was steep and rocky.
“Ariela Bilbro,” he asked, in official tones, “how much did you ’low would be good and sufficient ali-money in the case befo’ the co’t.”
“Ariela Bilbro,” he asked in a formal tone, “how much do you think would be a good and sufficient amount of money in the case currently before the court?”
“I ’lowed,” she answered, “fur the shoes and all, to say five dollars. That ain’t much fur ali-money, but I reckon that’ll git me to up brother Ed’s.”
“I figured,” she answered, “for the shoes and everything, to say five dollars. That’s not much for all the money, but I think that’ll get me to my brother Ed’s.”
“The amount,” said the Justice, “air not onreasonable. Ransie Bilbro, you air ordered by the co’t to pay the plaintiff the sum of five dollars befo’ the decree of divo’ce air issued.”
“The amount,” said the Justice, “is not unreasonable. Ransie Bilbro, you are ordered by the court to pay the plaintiff the sum of five dollars before the divorce decree is issued.”
“I hain’t no mo’ money,” breathed Ransie, heavily. “I done paid you all I had.”
“I don’t have any more money,” Ransie breathed heavily. “I’ve paid you all I had.”
“Otherwise,” said the Justice, looking severely over his spectacles, “you air in contempt of co’t.”
“Otherwise,” said the Justice, looking sternly over his glasses, “you are in contempt of court.”
“I reckon if you gimme till to-morrow,” pleaded the husband, “I mout be able to rake or scrape it up somewhars. I never looked for to be a-payin’ no ali-money.”
“I think if you give me until tomorrow,” the husband pleaded, “I might be able to gather it together somehow. I never expected to be paying any alimony.”
“The case air adjourned,” said Benaja Widdup, “till to-morrow, when you-all will present yo’selves and obey the order of the co’t. Followin’ of which the decrees of divo’ce will be delivered.” He sat down in the door and began to loosen a shoestring.
"The case is postponed," said Benaja Widdup, "until tomorrow, when you all will show up and follow the court's order. After that, the divorce papers will be issued." He sat down in the doorway and started to loosen a shoelace.
“We mout as well go down to Uncle Ziah’s,” decided Ransie, “and spend the night.” He climbed into the cart on one side, and Ariela climbed in on the other. Obeying the flap of his rope, the little red bull slowly came around on a tack, and the cart crawled away in the nimbus arising from its wheels.
“We might as well head down to Uncle Ziah’s,” Ransie decided, “and spend the night.” He climbed into the cart on one side, and Ariela climbed in on the other. Following the pull of his rope, the little red bull slowly turned and the cart crept away in the dust rising from its wheels.
Justice-of-the-peace Benaja Widdup smoked his elder-stem pipe. Late in the afternoon he got his weekly paper, and read it until the twilight dimmed its lines. Then he lit the tallow candle on his table, and read until the moon rose, marking the time for supper. He lived in the double log cabin on the slope near the girdled poplar. Going home to supper he crossed a little branch darkened by a laurel thicket. The dark figure of a man stepped from the laurels and pointed a rifle at his breast. His hat was pulled down low, and something covered most of his face.
Justice of the Peace Benaja Widdup smoked his elder-stem pipe. Late in the afternoon, he received his weekly newspaper and read it until twilight blurred the text. Then he lit the tallow candle on his table and continued reading until the moon rose, signaling it was time for supper. He lived in a double log cabin on the slope near the girdled poplar. On his way home for supper, he crossed a small stream shaded by a laurel thicket. A dark figure stepped out from the laurels and aimed a rifle at his chest. His hat was pulled down low, and something covered most of his face.
“I want yo’ money,” said the figure, “’thout any talk. I’m gettin’ nervous, and my finger’s a-wabblin’ on this here trigger.”
“I want your money,” said the figure, “without any talk. I’m getting nervous, and my finger’s shaking on this trigger.”
“I’ve only got f-f-five dollars,” said the Justice, producing it from his vest pocket.
“I’ve only got f-f-five dollars,” said the Justice, pulling it out of his vest pocket.
“Roll it up,” came the order, “and stick it in the end of this here gun-bar’l.”
“Roll it up,” came the order, “and stick it in the end of this gun barrel.”
The bill was crisp and new. Even fingers that were clumsy and trembling found little difficulty in making a spill of it and inserting it (this with less ease) into the muzzle of the rifle.
The bill was crisp and new. Even fingers that were awkward and shaking found it easy to spread it out and put it (though not quite as easily) into the barrel of the rifle.
“Now I reckon you kin be goin’ along,” said the robber.
“Now I think you can go ahead,” said the robber.
The Justice lingered not on his way.
The Justice didn’t delay as he went on his way.
The next day came the little red bull, drawing the cart to the office door. Justice Benaja Widdup had his shoes on, for he was expecting the visit. In his presence Ransie Bilbro handed to his wife a five-dollar bill. The official’s eye sharply viewed it. It seemed to curl up as though it had been rolled and inserted into the end of a gun-barrel. But the Justice refrained from comment. It is true that other bills might be inclined to curl. He handed each one a decree of divorce. Each stood awkwardly silent, slowly folding the guarantee of freedom. The woman cast a shy glance full of constraint at Ransie.
The next day, the little red bull showed up, pulling the cart to the office door. Justice Benaja Widdup had his shoes on because he was expecting the visit. In front of him, Ransie Bilbro handed his wife a five-dollar bill. The official's eyes narrowed as he looked at it. It seemed to curl up like it had been rolled and stuffed into the end of a gun barrel. But the Justice held back his comments. It’s true that other bills might be prone to curl. He handed each of them a divorce decree. They both stood there awkwardly, slowly folding the document that represented their freedom. The woman stole a shy glance at Ransie, filled with tension.
“I reckon you’ll be goin’ back up to the cabin,” she said, along ’ith the bull-cart. There’s bread in the tin box settin’ on the shelf. I put the bacon in the b’ilin’-pot to keep the hounds from gittin’ it. Don’t forget to wind the clock to-night.”
“I guess you’ll be heading back up to the cabin,” she said, along with the bull-cart. There’s bread in the tin box sitting on the shelf. I put the bacon in the boiling pot to keep the dogs from getting it. Don’t forget to wind the clock tonight.”
“You air a-goin’ to your brother Ed’s?” asked Ransie, with fine unconcern.
“You headed to your brother Ed’s?” asked Ransie, with a cool attitude.
“I was ’lowin’ to get along up thar afore night. I ain’t sayin’ as they’ll pester theyselves any to make me welcome, but I hain’t nowhar else fur to go. It’s a right smart ways, and I reckon I better be goin’. I’ll be a-sayin’ good-bye, Ranse—that is, if you keer fur to say so.”
“I was planning to head up there before night. I’m not saying they’ll go out of their way to make me feel welcome, but I don’t have anywhere else to go. It’s quite a distance, so I think I should get going. I’ll be saying goodbye, Ranse—that is, if you want to say so.”
“I don’t know as anybody’s a hound dog,” said Ransie, in a martyr’s voice, “fur to not want to say good-bye—’less you air so anxious to git away that you don’t want me to say it.”
“I don’t know if anyone’s a hound dog,” said Ransie, in a martyr’s voice, “for not wanting to say goodbye—unless you're so eager to get away that you don’t want me to say it.”
Ariela was silent. She folded the five-dollar bill and her decree carefully, and placed them in the bosom of her dress. Benaja Widdup watched the money disappear with mournful eyes behind his spectacles.
Ariela was quiet. She folded the five-dollar bill and her decree carefully and tucked them into the bosom of her dress. Benaja Widdup watched the money vanish with sad eyes behind his glasses.
And then with his next words he achieved rank (as his thoughts ran) with either the great crowd of the world’s sympathizers or the little crowd of its great financiers.
And then with his next words, he gained status (as he thought) either with the large group of the world’s supporters or the small group of its wealthy investors.
“Be kind o’ lonesome in the old cabin to-night, Ranse,” he said.
“It's going to be kind of lonely in the old cabin tonight, Ranse,” he said.
Ransie Bilbro stared out at the Cumberlands, clear blue now in the sunlight. He did not look at Ariela.
Ransie Bilbro gazed at the Cumberlands, now bright blue in the sunlight. He didn’t look at Ariela.
“I ’low it might be lonesome,” he said; “but when folks gits mad and wants a divo’ce, you can’t make folks stay.”
“I guess it might be lonely,” he said; “but when people get angry and want a divorce, you can’t force them to stay.”
“There’s others wanted a divo’ce,” said Ariela, speaking to the wooden stool. “Besides, nobody don’t want nobody to stay.”
“There are others who wanted a divorce,” said Ariela, talking to the wooden stool. “Besides, nobody wants anyone to stay.”
“Nobody never said they didn’t.”
“Nobody said they didn’t.”
“Nobody never said they did. I reckon I better start on now to brother Ed’s.”
“Nobody ever said they did. I guess I should head over to brother Ed’s now.”
“Nobody can’t wind that old clock.”
“Nobody can wind that old clock.”
“Want me to go back along ’ith you in the cart and wind it fur you, Ranse?”
“Do you want me to go back with you in the cart and wind it for you, Ranse?”
The mountaineer’s countenance was proof against emotion. But he reached out a big hand and enclosed Ariela’s thin brown one. Her soul peeped out once through her impassive face, hallowing it.
The mountaineer's expression betrayed no emotion. But he extended a large hand and took Ariela's delicate brown one in his grasp. For a moment, her soul shone through her stoic face, illuminating it.
“Them hounds shan’t pester you no more,” said Ransie. “I reckon I been mean and low down. You wind that clock, Ariela.”
“Them dogs won’t bother you anymore,” said Ransie. “I guess I’ve been cruel and unfair. You wind that clock, Ariela.”
“My heart hit’s in that cabin, Ranse,” she whispered, “along ’ith you. I ai’nt a-goin’ to git mad no more. Le’s be startin’, Ranse, so’s we kin git home by sundown.”
“My heart is in that cabin, Ranse,” she whispered, “along with you. I’m not going to get mad anymore. Let’s get going, Ranse, so we can get home by sundown.”
Justice-of-the-peace Benaja Widdup interposed as they started for the door, forgetting his presence.
Justice of the Peace Benaja Widdup stepped in as they began to leave, unaware of his presence.
“In the name of the State of Tennessee,” he said, “I forbid you-all to be a-defyin’ of its laws and statutes. This co’t is mo’ than willin’ and full of joy to see the clouds of discord and misunderstandin’ rollin’ away from two lovin’ hearts, but it air the duty of the co’t to p’eserve the morals and integrity of the State. The co’t reminds you that you air no longer man and wife, but air divo’ced by regular decree, and as such air not entitled to the benefits and ’purtenances of the mattermonal estate.”
“In the name of the State of Tennessee,” he said, “I prohibit you all from defying its laws and statutes. This court is more than willing and happy to see the clouds of discord and misunderstanding clear away from two loving hearts, but it is the court's duty to preserve the morals and integrity of the State. The court reminds you that you are no longer husband and wife, but are divorced by formal decree, and as such are not entitled to the benefits and rights of the marital estate.”
Ariela caught Ransie’s arm. Did those words mean that she must lose him now when they had just learned the lesson of life?
Ariela grabbed Ransie’s arm. Did those words mean she had to lose him now that they had just figured out the lesson of life?
“But the co’t air prepared,” went on the Justice, “fur to remove the disabilities set up by the decree of divo’ce. The co’t air on hand to perform the solemn ceremony of marri’ge, thus fixin’ things up and enablin’ the parties in the case to resume the honour’ble and elevatin’ state of mattermony which they desires. The fee fur performin’ said ceremony will be, in this case, to wit, five dollars.”
“But the court is prepared,” continued the Justice, “to remove the restrictions set by the divorce decree. The court is ready to carry out the solemn ceremony of marriage, thus setting things right and allowing the parties involved to resume the honorable and uplifting state of matrimony that they desire. The fee for performing this ceremony will be, in this case, five dollars.”
Ariela caught the gleam of promise in his words. Swiftly her hand went to her bosom. Freely as an alighting dove the bill fluttered to the Justice’s table. Her sallow cheek coloured as she stood hand in hand with Ransie and listened to the reuniting words.
Ariela saw the hope in his words. Quickly, she placed her hand over her heart. Like a dove landing, the bill floated down to the Justice's table. Her pale cheek flushed as she stood hand in hand with Ransie, listening to the words of reunion.
Ransie helped her into the cart, and climbed in beside her. The little red bull turned once more, and they set out, hand-clasped, for the mountains.
Ransie helped her into the cart and climbed in next to her. The little red bull turned again, and they set off, hands clasped, toward the mountains.
Justice-of-the-peace Benaja Widdup sat in his door and took off his shoes. Once again he fingered the bill tucked down in his vest pocket. Once again he smoked his elder-stem pipe. Once again the speckled hen swaggered down the main street of the “settlement,” cackling foolishly.
Justice of the peace Benaja Widdup sat in his doorway and took off his shoes. Once again, he felt the bill tucked in his vest pocket. Once again, he smoked his elder-stem pipe. Once again, the speckled hen strutted down the main street of the “settlement,” cackling mindlessly.
XIII
A SACRIFICE HIT
The editor of the Hearthstone Magazine has his own ideas about the selection of manuscript for his publication. His theory is no secret; in fact, he will expound it to you willingly sitting at his mahogany desk, smiling benignantly and tapping his knee gently with his gold-rimmed eye-glasses.
The editor of the Hearthstone Magazine has his own thoughts on choosing manuscripts for his publication. His theory is well-known; he’ll gladly share it with you while sitting at his mahogany desk, smiling warmly and gently tapping his knee with his gold-rimmed glasses.
“The Hearthstone,” he will say, “does not employ a staff of readers. We obtain opinions of the manuscripts submitted to us directly from types of the various classes of our readers.”
“The Hearthstone,” he will say, “doesn’t use a team of readers. We get feedback on the submitted manuscripts directly from different types of our readers.”
That is the editor’s theory; and this is the way he carries it out:
That’s the editor’s theory, and this is how he implements it:
When a batch of MSS. is received the editor stuffs every one of his pockets full of them and distributes them as he goes about during the day. The office employees, the hall porter, the janitor, the elevator man, messenger boys, the waiters at the café where the editor has luncheon, the man at the news-stand where he buys his evening paper, the grocer and milkman, the guard on the 5.30 uptown elevated train, the ticket-chopper at Sixty ––––th street, the cook and maid at his home—these are the readers who pass upon MSS. sent in to the Hearthstone Magazine. If his pockets are not entirely emptied by the time he reaches the bosom of his family the remaining ones are handed over to his wife to read after the baby goes to sleep. A few days later the editor gathers in the MSS. during his regular rounds and considers the verdict of his assorted readers.
When a batch of manuscripts arrives, the editor fills every pocket he has with them and hands them out throughout the day. The office staff, the receptionist, the janitor, the elevator operator, the messenger boys, the waiters at the café where he has lunch, the guy at the newsstand where he buys his evening paper, the grocer and milkman, the guard on the 5:30 uptown train, the ticket-taker at Sixty-th street, the cook, and the maid at his home—all these people read the manuscripts sent to the Hearthstone Magazine. If he hasn’t emptied his pockets completely by the time he gets home, he gives the leftovers to his wife to read after the baby is asleep. A few days later, the editor collects the manuscripts during his usual rounds and reviews the feedback from his diverse group of readers.
This system of making up a magazine has been very successful; and the circulation, paced by the advertising rates, is making a wonderful record of speed.
This magazine production system has been very successful, and the circulation, driven by advertising rates, is achieving remarkable growth.
The Hearthstone Company also publishes books, and its imprint is to be found on several successful works—all recommended, says the editor, by the Hearthstone’s army of volunteer readers. Now and then (according to talkative members of the editorial staff) the Hearthstone has allowed manuscripts to slip through its fingers on the advice of its heterogeneous readers, that afterward proved to be famous sellers when brought out by other houses.
The Hearthstone Company also publishes books, and its brand can be seen on several successful titles—all of which, according to the editor, were recommended by the Hearthstone’s team of volunteer readers. Occasionally (according to chatty members of the editorial staff), the Hearthstone has let manuscripts get away based on feedback from its diverse readers, which later turned out to be big sellers when released by other publishers.
For instance (the gossips say), “The Rise and Fall of Silas Latham” was unfavourably passed upon by the elevator-man; the office-boy unanimously rejected “The Boss”; “In the Bishop’s Carriage” was contemptuously looked upon by the street-car conductor; “The Deliverance” was turned down by a clerk in the subscription department whose wife’s mother had just begun a two-months’ visit at his home; “The Queen’s Quair” came back from the janitor with the comment: “So is the book.”
For example (as the gossip goes), “The Rise and Fall of Silas Latham” was poorly received by the elevator operator; the office intern completely dismissed “The Boss”; “In the Bishop’s Carriage” was sneered at by the streetcar driver; “The Deliverance” was rejected by a clerk in the subscriptions department whose mother-in-law had just started a two-month visit at his place; “The Queen’s Quair” was returned by the janitor with the remark: “So is the book.”
But nevertheless the Hearthstone adheres to its theory and system, and it will never lack volunteer readers; for each one of the widely scattered staff, from the young lady stenographer in the editorial office to the man who shovels in coal (whose adverse decision lost to the Hearthstone Company the manuscript of “The Under World”), has expectations of becoming editor of the magazine some day.
But still, the Hearthstone sticks to its principles and system, and it will always have volunteer readers. Each member of its widely distributed staff, from the young female stenographer in the editorial office to the guy who shovels coal (whose negative judgment caused the Hearthstone Company to lose the manuscript of “The Under World”), hopes to become the magazine's editor one day.
This method of the Hearthstone was well known to Allen Slayton when he wrote his novelette entitled “Love Is All.” Slayton had hung about the editorial offices of all the magazines so persistently that he was acquainted with the inner workings of every one in Gotham.
This technique from Hearthstone was familiar to Allen Slayton when he wrote his short story called “Love Is All.” Slayton had lingered around the editorial offices of all the magazines in New York so much that he knew the inner workings of each one.
He knew not only that the editor of the Hearthstone handed his MSS. around among different types of people for reading, but that the stories of sentimental love-interest went to Miss Puffkin, the editor’s stenographer. Another of the editor’s peculiar customs was to conceal invariably the name of the writer from his readers of MSS. so that a glittering name might not influence the sincerity of their reports.
He knew not only that the editor of Hearthstone passed his manuscripts around to different people to read, but that the sentimental love stories went to Miss Puffkin, the editor’s assistant. Another of the editor’s unique habits was to always keep the author’s name hidden from the readers of the manuscripts so that a famous name wouldn’t affect the honesty of their feedback.
Slayton made “Love Is All” the effort of his life. He gave it six months of the best work of his heart and brain. It was a pure love-story, fine, elevated, romantic, passionate—a prose poem that set the divine blessing of love (I am transposing from the manuscript) high above all earthly gifts and honours, and listed it in the catalogue of heaven’s choicest rewards. Slayton’s literary ambition was intense. He would have sacrificed all other worldly possessions to have gained fame in his chosen art. He would almost have cut off his right hand, or have offered himself to the knife of the appendicitis fancier to have realized his dream of seeing one of his efforts published in the Hearthstone.
Slayton dedicated “Love Is All” to the effort of his life. He spent six months pouring his heart and mind into it. It was a pure love story, beautiful, elevated, romantic, passionate—a prose poem that placed the divine blessing of love (I am transposing from the manuscript) above all earthly gifts and honors, listing it among heaven’s greatest rewards. Slayton’s literary ambition was fierce. He would have given up everything else to achieve fame in his art. He would have almost cut off his right hand or offered himself to the knife of the appendicitis enthusiast just to see one of his works published in the Hearthstone.
Slayton finished “Love Is All,” and took it to the Hearthstone in person. The office of the magazine was in a large, conglomerate building, presided under by a janitor.
Slayton finished “Love Is All” and delivered it to the Hearthstone in person. The magazine's office was in a big, corporate building, managed by a janitor.
As the writer stepped inside the door on his way to the elevator a potato masher flew through the hall, wrecking Slayton’s hat, and smashing the glass of the door. Closely following in the wake of the utensil flew the janitor, a bulky, unwholesome man, suspenderless and sordid, panic-stricken and breathless. A frowsy, fat woman with flying hair followed the missile. The janitor’s foot slipped on the tiled floor, he fell in a heap with an exclamation of despair. The woman pounced upon him and seized his hair. The man bellowed lustily.
As the writer walked through the door on his way to the elevator, a potato masher came flying down the hallway, ruining Slayton’s hat and shattering the glass of the door. Right behind the flying utensil was the janitor, a big, unkempt guy without suspenders, looking panicked and out of breath. A disheveled, overweight woman with wild hair was chasing after him. The janitor slipped on the tiled floor, falling hard with a cry of frustration. The woman lunged at him and grabbed his hair. The man yelled loudly.
Her vengeance wreaked, the virago rose and stalked triumphant as Minerva, back to some cryptic domestic retreat at the rear. The janitor got to his feet, blown and humiliated.
Her revenge complete, the fierce woman rose and walked triumphantly like Minerva, back to some mysterious domestic space in the back. The janitor stood up, defeated and embarrassed.
“This is married life,” he said to Slayton, with a certain bruised humour. “That’s the girl I used to lay awake of nights thinking about. Sorry about your hat, mister. Say, don’t snitch to the tenants about this, will yer? I don’t want to lose me job.”
“This is married life,” he said to Slayton, with a hint of wounded humor. “That’s the girl I used to lie awake at night thinking about. Sorry about your hat, man. Hey, don’t tell the tenants about this, okay? I don’t want to lose my job.”
Slayton took the elevator at the end of the hall and went up to the offices of the Hearthstone. He left the MS. of “Love Is All” with the editor, who agreed to give him an answer as to its availability at the end of a week.
Slayton took the elevator at the end of the hall and headed up to the offices of the Hearthstone. He left the manuscript of “Love Is All” with the editor, who promised to get back to him about its availability in a week.
Slayton formulated his great winning scheme on his way down. It struck him with one brilliant flash, and he could not refrain from admiring his own genius in conceiving the idea. That very night he set about carrying it into execution.
Slayton came up with his big winning plan while he was going down. It hit him all at once, and he couldn't help but admire his own brilliance in thinking of the idea. That same night, he started working on putting it into action.
Miss Puffkin, the Hearthstone stenographer, boarded in the same house with the author. She was an oldish, thin, exclusive, languishing, sentimental maid; and Slayton had been introduced to her some time before.
Miss Puffkin, the Hearthstone stenographer, lived in the same house as the author. She was an older, thin, aloof, delicate, sentimental woman; and Slayton had met her some time ago.
The writer’s daring and self-sacrificing project was this: He knew that the editor of the Hearthstone relied strongly upon Miss Puffkin’s judgment in the manuscript of romantic and sentimental fiction. Her taste represented the immense average of mediocre women who devour novels and stories of that type. The central idea and keynote of “Love Is All” was love at first sight—the enrapturing, irresistible, soul-thrilling feeling that compels a man or a woman to recognize his or her spirit-mate as soon as heart speaks to heart. Suppose he should impress this divine truth upon Miss Puffkin personally!—would she not surely indorse her new and rapturous sensations by recommending highly to the editor of the Hearthstone the novelette “Love Is All”?
The writer’s bold and selfless project was this: He knew that the editor of the Hearthstone relied heavily on Miss Puffkin’s opinion for the romantic and sentimental fiction manuscripts. Her taste reflected the vast average of everyday women who consume novels and stories of that nature. The main idea and theme of “Love Is All” was love at first sight—the captivating, irresistible, soul-stirring feeling that makes a person recognize their soulmate as soon as their hearts connect. What if he could impress this profound truth on Miss Puffkin personally? Wouldn’t she be likely to validate her new and overwhelming feelings by highly recommending the novelette “Love Is All” to the editor of the Hearthstone?
Slayton thought so. And that night he took Miss Puffkin to the theatre. The next night he made vehement love to her in the dim parlour of the boarding-house. He quoted freely from “Love Is All”; and he wound up with Miss Puffkin’s head on his shoulder, and visions of literary fame dancing in his head.
Slayton thought so. And that night he took Miss Puffkin to the theater. The next night, he passionately pursued her in the dim parlor of the boarding house. He quoted liberally from “Love Is All,” and he ended up with Miss Puffkin’s head on his shoulder, while dreams of literary fame danced in his mind.
But Slayton did not stop at love-making. This, he said to himself, was the turning point of his life; and, like a true sportsman, he “went the limit.” On Thursday night he and Miss Puffkin walked over to the Big Church in the Middle of the Block and were married.
But Slayton didn’t just stop at romance. This, he thought to himself, was the turning point in his life; and, like a true sportsman, he “went all in.” On Thursday night, he and Miss Puffkin walked over to the Big Church in the Middle of the Block and got married.
Brave Slayton! Châteaubriand died in a garret, Byron courted a widow, Keats starved to death, Poe mixed his drinks, De Quincey hit the pipe, Ade lived in Chicago, James kept on doing it, Dickens wore white socks, De Maupassant wore a strait-jacket, Tom Watson became a Populist, Jeremiah wept, all these authors did these things for the sake of literature, but thou didst cap them all; thou marriedst a wife for to carve for thyself a niche in the temple of fame!
Brave Slayton! Châteaubriand died in a tiny attic, Byron dated a widow, Keats starved to death, Poe mixed his drinks, De Quincey hit the pipe, Ade lived in Chicago, James kept at it, Dickens wore white socks, De Maupassant wore a straitjacket, Tom Watson became a Populist, Jeremiah cried, all these authors did these things for the sake of literature, but you outdid them all; you married a wife to carve out your own spot in the temple of fame!
On Friday morning Mrs. Slayton said she would go over to the Hearthstone office, hand in one or two manuscripts that the editor had given to her to read, and resign her position as stenographer.
On Friday morning, Mrs. Slayton said she would head over to the Hearthstone office, submit one or two manuscripts that the editor had given her to read, and quit her job as a stenographer.
“Was there anything—er—that—er—you particularly fancied in the stories you are going to turn in?” asked Slayton with a thumping heart.
“Was there anything—uh—that—uh—you particularly liked in the stories you're going to submit?” asked Slayton, his heart racing.
“There was one—a novelette, that I liked so much,” said his wife. “I haven’t read anything in years that I thought was half as nice and true to life.”
“There was one—a short story, that I liked so much,” said his wife. “I haven’t read anything in years that I thought was even close to as nice and realistic.”
That afternoon Slayton hurried down to the Hearthstone office. He felt that his reward was close at hand. With a novelette in the Hearthstone, literary reputation would soon be his.
That afternoon, Slayton rushed down to the Hearthstone office. He felt that his reward was just within reach. With a short story in the Hearthstone, literary fame would soon be his.
The office boy met him at the railing in the outer office. It was not for unsuccessful authors to hold personal colloquy with the editor except at rare intervals.
The office boy met him at the railing in the outer office. Unsuccessful authors weren't allowed to have personal conversations with the editor except on rare occasions.
Slayton, hugging himself internally, was nursing in his heart the exquisite hope of being able to crush the office boy with his forthcoming success.
Slayton, holding back his emotions, was secretly cherishing the wonderful hope of being able to outshine the office boy with his upcoming success.
He inquired concerning his novelette. The office boy went into the sacred precincts and brought forth a large envelope, thick with more than the bulk of a thousand checks.
He asked about his short story. The office boy went into the private area and came back with a large envelope, stuffed with more than a thousand checks.
“The boss told me to tell you he’s sorry,” said the boy, “but your manuscript ain’t available for the magazine.”
“The boss told me to let you know he’s sorry,” said the boy, “but your manuscript isn’t available for the magazine.”
Slayton stood, dazed. “Can you tell me,” he stammered, “whether or no Miss Puff—that is my—I mean Miss Puffkin—handed in a novelette this morning that she had been asked to read?”
Slayton stood there, confused. “Can you tell me,” he stammered, “if Miss Puff—that is my—I mean Miss Puffkin—submitted a short story this morning that she was asked to read?”
“Sure she did,” answered the office boy wisely. “I heard the old man say that Miss Puffkin said it was a daisy. The name of it was, ‘Married for the Mazuma, or a Working Girl’s Triumph.’”
“Sure she did,” replied the office boy knowingly. “I heard the old man say that Miss Puffkin called it a daisy. The title was, ‘Married for the Money, or a Working Girl’s Triumph.’”
“Say, you!” said the office boy confidentially, “your name’s Slayton, ain’t it? I guess I mixed cases on you without meanin’ to do it. The boss give me some manuscript to hand around the other day and I got the ones for Miss Puffkin and the janitor mixed. I guess it’s all right, though.”
“Hey, you!” said the office boy confidentially, “your name’s Slayton, right? I think I mixed up the files without meaning to. The boss gave me some manuscripts to pass around the other day, and I confused the ones for Miss Puffkin and the janitor. I think it’s all good, though.”
And then Slayton looked closer and saw on the cover of his manuscript, under the title “Love Is All,” the janitor’s comment scribbled with a piece of charcoal:
And then Slayton looked closer and saw on the cover of his manuscript, under the title “Love Is All,” the janitor’s comment scrawled with a piece of charcoal:
“The –––– you say!”
“The –––– you say!”
XIV
THE ROADS WE TAKE
Twenty miles west of Tucson, the “Sunset Express” stopped at a tank to take on water. Besides the aqueous addition the engine of that famous flyer acquired some other things that were not good for it.
Twenty miles west of Tucson, the “Sunset Express” stopped at a water tank to refill. Along with the much-needed water, the engine of that famous train picked up some other things that weren't good for it.
While the fireman was lowering the feeding hose, Bob Tidball, “Shark” Dodson and a quarter-bred Creek Indian called John Big Dog climbed on the engine and showed the engineer three round orifices in pieces of ordnance that they carried. These orifices so impressed the engineer with their possibilities that he raised both hands in a gesture such as accompanies the ejaculation “Do tell!”
While the firefighter was lowering the hose, Bob Tidball, “Shark” Dodson, and a quarter-bred Creek Indian named John Big Dog climbed onto the engine and pointed out three round holes in the pieces of ordnance they were carrying. These holes impressed the engineer with their potential so much that he raised both hands in a gesture like one would use to say, “No way!”
At the crisp command of Shark Dodson, who was leader of the attacking force the engineer descended to the ground and uncoupled the engine and tender. Then John Big Dog, perched upon the coal, sportively held two guns upon the engine driver and the fireman, and suggested that they run the engine fifty yards away and there await further orders.
At Shark Dodson's sharp command, the leader of the attacking force, the engineer climbed down and disconnected the engine from the tender. Meanwhile, John Big Dog, sitting on top of the coal, playfully pointed two guns at the engine driver and the fireman, suggesting that they move the engine fifty yards away and wait for further instructions.
Shark Dodson and Bob Tidball, scorning to put such low-grade ore as the passengers through the mill, struck out for the rich pocket of the express car. They found the messenger serene in the belief that the “Sunset Express” was taking on nothing more stimulating and dangerous than aqua pura. While Bob was knocking this idea out of his head with the butt-end of his six-shooter Shark Dodson was already dosing the express-car safe with dynamite.
Shark Dodson and Bob Tidball, looking down on the idea of processing such low-quality ore as the passengers, headed straight for the valuable stash in the express car. They found the messenger calm, thinking that the “Sunset Express” was only carrying something as harmless as water. While Bob was trying to change his mind about that with the butt of his gun, Shark Dodson was already packing the express-car safe with dynamite.
The safe exploded to the tune of $30,000, all gold and currency. The passengers thrust their heads casually out of the windows to look for the thunder-cloud. The conductor jerked at the bell-rope, which sagged down loose and unresisting, at his tug. Shark Dodson and Bob Tidball, with their booty in a stout canvas bag, tumbled out of the express car and ran awkwardly in their high-heeled boots to the engine.
The safe blew up, spilling out $30,000 in gold and cash. The passengers leaned out of the windows to see what caused the noise. The conductor yanked on the bell rope, which hung down slack and unresponsive. Shark Dodson and Bob Tidball, with their loot in a sturdy canvas bag, jumped out of the express car and clumsily ran to the engine in their high-heeled boots.
The engineer, sullenly angry but wise, ran the engine, according to orders, rapidly away from the inert train. But before this was accomplished the express messenger, recovered from Bob Tidball’s persuader to neutrality, jumped out of his car with a Winchester rifle and took a trick in the game. Mr. John Big Dog, sitting on the coal tender, unwittingly made a wrong lead by giving an imitation of a target, and the messenger trumped him. With a ball exactly between his shoulder blades the Creek chevalier of industry rolled off to the ground, thus increasing the share of his comrades in the loot by one-sixth each.
The engineer, frustrated but smart, ran the engine, following orders, quickly away from the still train. But before he could do that, the express messenger, recovered from Bob Tidball’s intimidation to a neutral state, jumped out of his car with a Winchester rifle and joined the action. Mr. John Big Dog, sitting on the coal tender, unknowingly made a mistake by pretending to be a target, and the messenger outsmarted him. With a bullet right between his shoulder blades, the Creek businessman collapsed to the ground, increasing his comrades' share of the loot by one-sixth each.
Two miles from the tank the engineer was ordered to stop.
Two miles from the tank, the engineer was instructed to stop.
The robbers waved a defiant adieu and plunged down the steep slope into the thick woods that lined the track. Five minutes of crashing through a thicket of chaparral brought them to open woods, where three horses were tied to low-hanging branches. One was waiting for John Big Dog, who would never ride by night or day again. This animal the robbers divested of saddle and bridle and set free. They mounted the other two with the bag across one pommel, and rode fast and with discretion through the forest and up a primeval, lonely gorge. Here the animal that bore Bob Tidball slipped on a mossy boulder and broke a foreleg. They shot him through the head at once and sat down to hold a council of flight. Made secure for the present by the tortuous trail they had travelled, the question of time was no longer so big. Many miles and hours lay between them and the spryest posse that could follow. Shark Dodson’s horse, with trailing rope and dropped bridle, panted and cropped thankfully of the grass along the stream in the gorge. Bob Tidball opened the sack, drew out double handfuls of the neat packages of currency and the one sack of gold and chuckled with the glee of a child.
The robbers waved a defiant goodbye and plunged down the steep slope into the thick woods lining the path. Five minutes of crashing through a thicket of shrubs brought them to open woods, where three horses were tied to low-hanging branches. One was waiting for John Big Dog, who would never ride again, day or night. The robbers took off the saddle and bridle from this horse and set it free. They mounted the other two, with a bag across one pommel, and rode quickly and carefully through the forest and up a remote, lonely gorge. Here, the horse carrying Bob Tidball slipped on a mossy boulder and broke its foreleg. They shot it in the head immediately and sat down to discuss their next move. Feeling secure for the moment thanks to the winding trail they had just taken, the urgency wasn't as great anymore. Many miles and hours lay between them and the quickest posse that could pursue them. Shark Dodson’s horse, with a trailing rope and a dropped bridle, panted and grazed gratefully on the grass along the stream in the gorge. Bob Tidball opened the sack, pulled out double handfuls of neatly wrapped cash and one sack of gold, and chuckled with the glee of a child.
“Say, you old double-decked pirate,” he called joyfully to Dodson, “you said we could do it—you got a head for financing that knocks the horns off of anything in Arizona.”
“Hey, you old double-decked pirate,” he called happily to Dodson, “you said we could pull it off—you have a knack for financing that beats anything we’ve got in Arizona.”
“What are we going to do about a hoss for you, Bob? We ain’t got long to wait here. They’ll be on our trail before daylight in the mornin’.”
“What are we going to do about a horse for you, Bob? We don’t have long to wait here. They’ll be on our trail before dawn tomorrow.”
“Oh, I guess that cayuse of yourn’ll carry double for a while,” answered the sanguine Bob. “We’ll annex the first animal we come across. By jingoes, we made a haul, didn’t we? Accordin’ to the marks on this money there’s $30,000—$15,000 apiece!”
“Oh, I guess that horse of yours will carry two for a while,” replied the optimistic Bob. “We’ll grab the first animal we find. Wow, we really hit the jackpot, didn’t we? According to the markings on this cash, there’s $30,000—$15,000 each!”
“It’s short of what I expected,” said Shark Dodson, kicking softly at the packages with the toe of his boot. And then he looked pensively at the wet sides of his tired horse.
“It's not what I expected,” said Shark Dodson, gently kicking the packages with the toe of his boot. Then he looked thoughtfully at the wet sides of his tired horse.
“Old Bolivar’s mighty nigh played out,” he said, slowly. “I wish that sorrel of yours hadn’t got hurt.”
“Old Bolivar’s nearly done for,” he said, slowly. “I wish that sorrel of yours hadn’t gotten hurt.”
“So do I,” said Bob, heartily, “but it can’t be helped. Bolivar’s got plenty of bottom—he’ll get us both far enough to get fresh mounts. Dang it, Shark, I can’t help thinkin’ how funny it is that an Easterner like you can come out here and give us Western fellows cards and spades in the desperado business. What part of the East was you from, anyway?”
“So do I,” Bob said warmly, “but there’s nothing we can do about it. Bolivar’s got lots of stamina—he’ll take us far enough to find fresh horses. Dang it, Shark, I can’t help but think how funny it is that someone from the East like you can come out here and outdo us Westerners in the outlaw game. Which part of the East are you from, anyway?”
“New York State,” said Shark Dodson, sitting down on a boulder and chewing a twig. “I was born on a farm in Ulster County. I ran away from home when I was seventeen. It was an accident my coming West. I was walkin’ along the road with my clothes in a bundle, makin’ for New York City. I had an idea of goin’ there and makin’ lots of money. I always felt like I could do it. I came to a place one evenin’ where the road forked and I didn’t know which fork to take. I studied about it for half an hour, and then I took the left-hand. That night I run into the camp of a Wild West show that was travellin’ among the little towns, and I went West with it. I’ve often wondered if I wouldn’t have turned out different if I’d took the other road.”
“New York State,” said Shark Dodson, sitting down on a rock and chewing on a twig. “I was born on a farm in Ulster County. I ran away from home when I was seventeen. It was an accident that I ended up going West. I was walking along the road with my clothes in a bundle, heading for New York City. I thought I could go there and make a lot of money. I always felt like I could do it. One evening, I got to a fork in the road and didn’t know which way to go. I thought about it for half an hour, and then I took the left path. That night, I stumbled upon a Wild West show that was traveling through the small towns, and I went West with them. I’ve often wondered if I would have turned out differently if I had taken the other road.”
“Oh, I reckon you’d have ended up about the same,” said Bob Tidball, cheerfully philosophical. “It ain’t the roads we take; it’s what’s inside of us that makes us turn out the way we do.”
“Oh, I think you would have ended up about the same,” said Bob Tidball, cheerfully philosophical. “It’s not the paths we choose; it’s what’s inside us that shapes who we become.”
Shark Dodson got up and leaned against a tree.
Shark Dodson stood up and leaned against a tree.
“I’d a good deal rather that sorrel of yourn hadn’t hurt himself, Bob,” he said again, almost pathetically.
“I’d much rather your horse hadn’t hurt himself, Bob,” he said again, almost sadly.
“Same here,” agreed Bob; “he was sure a first-rate kind of a crowbait. But Bolivar, he’ll pull us through all right. Reckon we’d better be movin’ on, hadn’t we, Shark? I’ll bag this boodle ag’in and we’ll hit the trail for higher timber.”
“Same here,” Bob agreed; “he was definitely a top-notch loser. But Bolivar will get us through just fine. I guess we’d better get going, right, Shark? I’ll gather this loot again and we’ll head out for better options.”
Bob Tidball replaced the spoil in the bag and tied the mouth of it tightly with a cord. When he looked up the most prominent object that he saw was the muzzle of Shark Dodson’s .45 held upon him without a waver.
Bob Tidball filled the bag with dirt again and tied it shut tightly with a rope. When he looked up, the most striking thing he saw was the muzzle of Shark Dodson’s .45 aimed at him without any hesitation.
“Stop your funnin’,” said Bob, with a grin. “We got to be hittin’ the breeze.”
“Stop joking around,” said Bob, with a grin. “We need to get going.”
“Set still,” said Shark. “You ain’t goin’ to hit no breeze, Bob. I hate to tell you, but there ain’t any chance for but one of us. Bolivar, he’s plenty tired, and he can’t carry double.”
“Stay still,” said Shark. “You’re not going to catch any wind, Bob. I hate to say it, but there’s only a chance for one of us. Bolivar is really tired, and he can’t carry two.”
“We been pards, me and you, Shark Dodson, for three year,” Bob said quietly. “We’ve risked our lives together time and again. I’ve always give you a square deal, and I thought you was a man. I’ve heard some queer stories about you shootin’ one or two men in a peculiar way, but I never believed ’em. Now if you’re just havin’ a little fun with me, Shark, put your gun up, and we’ll get on Bolivar and vamose. If you mean to shoot—shoot, you blackhearted son of a tarantula!”
“We’ve been partners, you and I, Shark Dodson, for three years,” Bob said quietly. “We’ve put our lives on the line together time and again. I’ve always given you a fair deal, and I thought you were a man. I’ve heard some strange stories about you shooting one or two guys in a weird way, but I never believed them. Now if you’re just messing around with me, Shark, put your gun away, and we’ll get on Bolivar and get out of here. If you intend to shoot—go ahead, you coldhearted son of a tarantula!”
Shark Dodson’s face bore a deeply sorrowful look. “You don’t know how bad I feel,” he sighed, “about that sorrel of yourn breakin’ his leg, Bob.”
Shark Dodson looked really sad. “You have no idea how guilty I feel,” he sighed, “about that sorrel of yours breaking his leg, Bob.”
The expression on Dodson’s face changed in an instant to one of cold ferocity mingled with inexorable cupidity. The soul of the man showed itself for a moment like an evil face in the window of a reputable house.
The expression on Dodson’s face shifted instantly to one of cold intensity mixed with unyielding greed. The man's true nature appeared for a moment like an evil face in the window of a respectable house.
Truly Bob Tidball was never to “hit the breeze” again. The deadly .45 of the false friend cracked and filled the gorge with a roar that the walls hurled back with indignant echoes. And Bolivar, unconscious accomplice, swiftly bore away the last of the holders-up of the “Sunset Express,” not put to the stress of “carrying double.”
Truly, Bob Tidball would never "hit the breeze" again. The deadly .45 of the false friend fired, and the canyon filled with a roar that the walls returned with furious echoes. And Bolivar, an unwitting accomplice, quickly took away the last of the robbers of the "Sunset Express," without having to deal with the burden of "carrying double."
But as “Shark” Dodson galloped away the woods seemed to fade from his view; the revolver in his right hand turned to the curved arm of a mahogany chair; his saddle was strangely upholstered, and he opened his eyes and saw his feet, not in stirrups, but resting quietly on the edge of a quartered-oak desk.
But as “Shark” Dodson rode away, the woods seemed to disappear from his sight; the revolver in his right hand became the curved arm of a mahogany chair; his saddle felt oddly upholstered, and he opened his eyes to find his feet, not in stirrups, but resting calmly on the edge of a quartered-oak desk.
I am telling you that Dodson, of the firm of Dodson & Decker, Wall Street brokers, opened his eyes. Peabody, the confidential clerk, was standing by his chair, hesitating to speak. There was a confused hum of wheels below, and the sedative buzz of an electric fan.
I’m telling you that Dodson, from the firm of Dodson & Decker, Wall Street brokers, opened his eyes. Peabody, the trusted clerk, was standing by his chair, unsure of what to say. There was a muffled noise of wheels below, along with the soothing hum of an electric fan.
“Ahem! Peabody,” said Dodson, blinking. “I must have fallen asleep. I had a most remarkable dream. What is it, Peabody?”
“Ahem! Peabody,” said Dodson, blinking. “I must have dozed off. I had the most incredible dream. What is it, Peabody?”
“Mr. Williams, sir, of Tracy & Williams, is outside. He has come to settle his deal in X. Y. Z. The market caught him short, sir, if you remember.”
“Mr. Williams, from Tracy & Williams, is outside. He’s here to finalize his deal in X. Y. Z. The market caught him off guard, if you recall.”
“Yes, I remember. What is X. Y. Z. quoted at to-day, Peabody?”
“Yes, I remember. What is X. Y. Z. quoted at today, Peabody?”
“One eighty-five, sir.”
“$185, sir.”
“Then that’s his price.”
"Then that's the price."
“Excuse me,” said Peabody, rather nervously “for speaking of it, but I’ve been talking to Williams. He’s an old friend of yours, Mr. Dodson, and you practically have a corner in X. Y. Z. I thought you might—that is, I thought you might not remember that he sold you the stock at 98. If he settles at the market price it will take every cent he has in the world and his home too to deliver the shares.”
“Excuse me,” Peabody said, a bit nervously, “for bringing this up, but I’ve been talking to Williams. He’s an old friend of yours, Mr. Dodson, and you practically have a monopoly in X. Y. Z. I thought you might—well, I thought you might not remember that he sold you the stock at 98. If he settles at the market price, it will take every cent he has and his home too to deliver the shares.”
The expression on Dodson’s face changed in an instant to one of cold ferocity mingled with inexorable cupidity. The soul of the man showed itself for a moment like an evil face in the window of a reputable house.
The expression on Dodson’s face shifted instantly to one of cold intensity mixed with relentless greed. The essence of the man briefly revealed itself like a sinister face in the window of a respectable home.
“He will settle at one eighty-five,” said Dodson. “Bolivar cannot carry double.”
“He will settle at one eighty-five,” Dodson said. “Bolivar can’t carry double.”
XV
A BLACKJACK BARGAINER
The most disreputable thing in Yancey Goree’s law office was Goree himself, sprawled in his creaky old arm-chair. The rickety little office, built of red brick, was set flush with the street—the main street of the town of Bethel.
The most disreputable thing in Yancey Goree’s law office was Goree himself, slouched in his creaky old armchair. The run-down little office, made of red brick, was right up against the street—the main street of the town of Bethel.
Bethel rested upon the foot-hills of the Blue Ridge. Above it the mountains were piled to the sky. Far below it the turbid Catawba gleamed yellow along its disconsolate valley.
Bethel lay at the base of the Blue Ridge mountains. Above it, the mountains rose high into the sky. Far below, the murky Catawba shimmered yellow through its gloomy valley.
The June day was at its sultriest hour. Bethel dozed in the tepid shade. Trade was not. It was so still that Goree, reclining in his chair, distinctly heard the clicking of the chips in the grand-jury room, where the “court-house gang” was playing poker. From the open back door of the office a well-worn path meandered across the grassy lot to the court-house. The treading out of that path had cost Goree all he ever had—first inheritance of a few thousand dollars, next the old family home, and, latterly the last shreds of his self-respect and manhood. The “gang” had cleaned him out. The broken gambler had turned drunkard and parasite; he had lived to see this day come when the men who had stripped him denied him a seat at the game. His word was no longer to be taken. The daily bouts at cards had arranged itself accordingly, and to him was assigned the ignoble part of the onlooker. The sheriff, the county clerk, a sportive deputy, a gay attorney, and a chalk-faced man hailing “from the valley,” sat at table, and the sheared one was thus tacitly advised to go and grow more wool.
The June day was at its hottest point. Bethel was dozing in the warm shade. Business was at a standstill. It was so quiet that Goree, relaxing in his chair, could clearly hear the sound of chips in the grand jury room, where the "court-house gang" was playing poker. From the open back door of the office, a well-worn path wound its way across the grassy lot to the courthouse. Walking that path had cost Goree everything he ever had—first a few thousand dollars from his inheritance, then the old family home, and finally the last bits of his self-respect and manhood. The "gang" had wiped him out. The broken gambler had become a drunk and a freeloader; he was left to witness the day when the men who had taken everything from him refused to let him join the game. His word no longer meant anything. The daily card games had adapted to this, and he was assigned the dishonorable role of spectator. The sheriff, the county clerk, a playful deputy, a cheerful lawyer, and a pale man from "the valley" sat at the table, while the stripped one was implicitly told to go and grow more wool.
Soon wearying of his ostracism, Goree had departed for his office, muttering to himself as he unsteadily traversed the unlucky pathway. After a drink of corn whiskey from a demijohn under the table, he had flung himself into the chair, staring, in a sort of maudlin apathy, out at the mountains immersed in the summer haze. The little white patch he saw away up on the side of Blackjack was Laurel, the village near which he had been born and bred. There, also, was the birthplace of the feud between the Gorees and the Coltranes. Now no direct heir of the Gorees survived except this plucked and singed bird of misfortune. To the Coltranes, also, but one male supporter was left—Colonel Abner Coltrane, a man of substance and standing, a member of the State Legislature, and a contemporary with Goree’s father. The feud had been a typical one of the region; it had left a red record of hate, wrong and slaughter.
Soon tired of being isolated, Goree headed to his office, muttering to himself as he unsteadily walked along the unfortunate path. After taking a swig of corn whiskey from a demijohn under the table, he flung himself into a chair, staring blankly at the mountains wrapped in summer haze. The little white spot he saw way up on Blackjack was Laurel, the village where he had grown up. It was also where the feud between the Gorees and the Coltranes began. Now, no direct heir of the Gorees was left except for this battered and unfortunate guy. For the Coltranes, only one male supporter remained—Colonel Abner Coltrane, a man of means and respect, a member of the State Legislature, and a contemporary of Goree’s father. The feud had been typical of the region; it had created a long history of hate, injustice, and bloodshed.
But Yancey Goree was not thinking of feuds. His befuddled brain was hopelessly attacking the problem of the future maintenance of himself and his favourite follies. Of late, old friends of the family had seen to it that he had whereof to eat and a place to sleep—but whiskey they would not buy for him, and he must have whiskey. His law business was extinct; no case had been intrusted to him in two years. He had been a borrower and a sponge, and it seemed that if he fell no lower it would be from lack of opportunity. One more chance—he was saying to himself—if he had one more stake at the game, he thought he could win; but he had nothing left to sell, and his credit was more than exhausted.
But Yancey Goree wasn't thinking about feuds. His confused mind was desperately trying to figure out how to take care of himself and his favorite indulgences. Lately, old family friends had made sure he had food to eat and a place to sleep—but they wouldn't buy him whiskey, and he needed whiskey. His law practice was dead; he hadn't had a case in two years. He had become a borrower and a freeloader, and it seemed that if he fell any lower, it would be because he didn’t have any opportunities left. One more chance—he kept telling himself—if he had one more shot at the game, he thought he could win; but he had nothing left to sell, and his credit was completely used up.
He could not help smiling, even in his misery, as he thought of the man to whom, six months before, he had sold the old Goree homestead. There had come from “back yan’” in the mountains two of the strangest creatures, a man named Pike Garvey and his wife. “Back yan’,” with a wave of the hand toward the hills, was understood among the mountaineers to designate the remotest fastnesses, the unplumbed gorges, the haunts of lawbreakers, the wolf’s den, and the boudoir of the bear. In the cabin far up on Blackjack’s shoulder, in the wildest part of these retreats, this odd couple had lived for twenty years. They had neither dog nor children to mitigate the heavy silence of the hills. Pike Garvey was little known in the settlements, but all who had dealt with him pronounced him “crazy as a loon.” He acknowledged no occupation save that of a squirrel hunter, but he “moonshined” occasionally by way of diversion. Once the “revenues” had dragged him from his lair, fighting silently and desperately like a terrier, and he had been sent to state’s prison for two years. Released, he popped back into his hole like an angry weasel.
He couldn't help but smile, even in his sadness, as he remembered the man he sold the old Goree homestead to six months ago. Two of the strangest characters had come from “back yan’” in the mountains, a man named Pike Garvey and his wife. “Back yan’,” with a hand gesture toward the hills, was a term understood among the mountaineers to refer to the most remote areas, the unexplored gorges, the hideouts of outlaws, the wolf’s den, and the bear’s lair. In a cabin high up on Blackjack’s shoulder, in the wildest part of these retreats, this unusual couple had lived for twenty years. They had no dog or children to break the heavy silence of the hills. Pike Garvey was little known in the settlements, but everyone who had interacted with him said he was “crazy as a loon.” He claimed no occupation other than that of a squirrel hunter, but he occasionally dabbled in making moonshine for fun. Once, the “revenues” had dragged him from his lair, fighting silently and fiercely like a terrier, and he was sent to prison for two years. After his release, he slipped back into his hideout like an angry weasel.
Fortune, passing over many anxious wooers, made a freakish flight into Blackjack’s bosky pockets to smile upon Pike and his faithful partner.
Fortune, overlooking many nervous suitors, took a random turn into Blackjack’s shady pockets to favor Pike and his loyal partner.
One day a party of spectacled, knickerbockered, and altogether absurd prospectors invaded the vicinity of the Garvey’s cabin. Pike lifted his squirrel rifle off the hooks and took a shot at them at long range on the chance of their being revenues. Happily he missed, and the unconscious agents of good luck drew nearer, disclosing their innocence of anything resembling law or justice. Later on, they offered the Garveys an enormous quantity of ready, green, crisp money for their thirty-acre patch of cleared land, mentioning, as an excuse for such a mad action, some irrelevant and inadequate nonsense about a bed of mica underlying the said property.
One day, a group of ridiculous prospectors wearing glasses and knickerbockers showed up near the Garvey's cabin. Pike grabbed his squirrel rifle from the hooks and took a shot at them from a distance, hoping they were tax collectors. Fortunately, he missed, and the unaware agents of good luck got closer, revealing their complete lack of any sense of law or justice. Later, they offered the Garveys a huge amount of fresh, green cash for their thirty-acre cleared land, justifying their crazy offer with some irrelevant and weak excuse about a mica deposit beneath the property.
When the Garveys became possessed of so many dollars that they faltered in computing them, the deficiencies of life on Blackjack began to grow prominent. Pike began to talk of new shoes, a hogshead of tobacco to set in the corner, a new lock to his rifle; and, leading Martella to a certain spot on the mountain-side, he pointed out to her how a small cannon—doubtless a thing not beyond the scope of their fortune in price—might be planted so as to command and defend the sole accessible trail to the cabin, to the confusion of revenues and meddling strangers forever.
When the Garveys ended up with so much money that they struggled to keep track of it, the shortcomings of life on Blackjack became more obvious. Pike started to mention new shoes, a barrel of tobacco to store in the corner, a new lock for his rifle; and, taking Martella to a spot on the mountainside, he showed her how a small cannon—something that was likely within their budget—could be set up to control and protect the only trail to the cabin, confusing tax collectors and nosy strangers for good.
But Adam reckoned without his Eve. These things represented to him the applied power of wealth, but there slumbered in his dingy cabin an ambition that soared far above his primitive wants. Somewhere in Mrs. Garvey’s bosom still survived a spot of femininity unstarved by twenty years of Blackjack. For so long a time the sounds in her ears had been the scaly-barks dropping in the woods at noon, and the wolves singing among the rocks at night, and it was enough to have purged her of vanities. She had grown fat and sad and yellow and dull. But when the means came, she felt a rekindled desire to assume the perquisites of her sex—to sit at tea tables; to buy futile things; to whitewash the hideous veracity of life with a little form and ceremony. So she coldly vetoed Pike’s proposed system of fortifications, and announced that they would descend upon the world, and gyrate socially.
But Adam didn’t consider his Eve. To him, these things represented the power that comes
And thus, at length, it was decided, and the thing done. The village of Laurel was their compromise between Mrs. Garvey’s preference for one of the large valley towns and Pike’s hankering for primeval solitudes. Laurel yielded a halting round of feeble social distractions comportable with Martella’s ambitions, and was not entirely without recommendation to Pike, its contiguity to the mountains presenting advantages for sudden retreat in case fashionable society should make it advisable.
And so, in the end, it was decided, and it was done. The village of Laurel was their compromise between Mrs. Garvey’s wish for one of the big valley towns and Pike’s desire for untouched wilderness. Laurel offered a few weak social distractions that matched Martella’s goals, and it had some appeal for Pike as well, since its proximity to the mountains allowed for a quick escape if high society became too much to handle.
Their descent upon Laurel had been coincident with Yancey Goree’s feverish desire to convert property into cash, and they bought the old Goree homestead, paying four thousand dollars ready money into the spendthrift’s shaking hands.
Their arrival in Laurel happened at the same time as Yancey Goree’s desperate need to turn property into cash, and they purchased the old Goree family home, handing over four thousand dollars in cash to the nervous spender.
Thus it happened that while the disreputable last of the Gorees sprawled in his disreputable office, at the end of his row, spurned by the cronies whom he had gorged, strangers dwelt in the halls of his fathers.
Thus it happened that while the unrespectable last of the Gorees lounged in his shabby office, at the end of his row, rejected by the friends he had fed, unfamiliar faces occupied the halls of his ancestors.
A cloud of dust was rolling, slowly up the parched street, with something travelling in the midst of it. A little breeze wafted the cloud to one side, and a new, brightly painted carryall, drawn by a slothful gray horse, became visible. The vehicle deflected from the middle of the street as it neared Goree’s office, and stopped in the gutter directly in front of his door.
A cloud of dust rolled slowly up the dry street, with something moving through it. A slight breeze pushed the cloud aside, revealing a new, brightly painted wagon pulled by a sluggish gray horse. The vehicle veered from the center of the street as it got closer to Goree’s office and stopped in the gutter right in front of his door.
On the front seat sat a gaunt, tall man, dressed in black broadcloth, his rigid hands incarcerated in yellow kid gloves. On the back seat was a lady who triumphed over the June heat. Her stout form was armoured in a skin-tight silk dress of the description known as “changeable,” being a gorgeous combination of shifting hues. She sat erect, waving a much-ornamented fan, with her eyes fixed stonily far down the street. However Martella Garvey’s heart might be rejoicing at the pleasures of her new life, Blackjack had done his work with her exterior. He had carved her countenance to the image of emptiness and inanity; had imbued her with the stolidity of his crags, and the reserve of his hushed interiors. She always seemed to hear, whatever her surroundings were, the scaly-barks falling and pattering down the mountain-side. She could always hear the awful silence of Blackjack sounding through the stillest of nights.
On the front seat sat a tall, thin man dressed in black broadcloth, his stiff hands trapped in yellow kid gloves. On the back seat was a lady who managed to endure the June heat. Her sturdy figure was encased in a form-fitting silk dress known as “changeable,” which showcased a stunning mix of shifting colors. She sat up straight, waving an elaborately designed fan, her eyes fixed coldly down the street. While Martella Garvey’s heart might have been celebrating the joys of her new life, Blackjack had left his mark on her appearance. He had shaped her face to reflect emptiness and stupidity; he had infused her with the immovability of his rocky landscape and the quiet of his silent spaces. She always seemed to hear, no matter where she was, the falling and pattering of scaly-barks down the mountainside. She could always hear the haunting silence of Blackjack echoing through the stillest nights.
Goree watched this solemn equipage, as it drove to his door, with only faint interest; but when the lank driver wrapped the reins about his whip, awkwardly descended, and stepped into the office, he rose unsteadily to receive him, recognizing Pike Garvey, the new, the transformed, the recently civilized.
Goree observed this serious vehicle as it arrived at his door with only slight interest; but when the skinny driver awkwardly wrapped the reins around his whip, got down, and entered the office, he stood up unsteadily to greet him, recognizing Pike Garvey, the new, the changed, the recently refined.
The mountaineer took the chair Goree offered him. They who cast doubts upon Garvey’s soundness of mind had a strong witness in the man’s countenance. His face was too long, a dull saffron in hue, and immobile as a statue’s. Pale-blue, unwinking round eyes without lashes added to the singularity of his gruesome visage. Goree was at a loss to account for the visit.
The mountaineer sat in the chair that Goree offered him. Those who questioned Garvey’s sanity had a strong example in the man’s face. His face was too long, a dull yellow color, and as still as a statue. His pale blue, unblinking round eyes, lacking lashes, made his unsettling appearance even more striking. Goree was unsure why he had come to visit.
“Everything all right at Laurel, Mr. Garvey?” he inquired.
“Is everything okay at Laurel, Mr. Garvey?” he asked.
“Everything all right, sir, and mighty pleased is Missis Garvey and me with the property. Missis Garvey likes yo’ old place, and she likes the neighbourhood. Society is what she ’lows she wants, and she is gettin’ of it. The Rogerses, the Hapgoods, the Pratts and the Troys hev been to see Missis Garvey, and she hev et meals to most of thar houses. The best folks hev axed her to differ’nt kinds of doin’s. I cyan’t say, Mr. Goree, that sech things suits me—fur me, give me them thar.” Garvey’s huge, yellow-gloved hand flourished in the direction of the mountains. “That’s whar I b’long, ’mongst the wild honey bees and the b’ars. But that ain’t what I come fur to say, Mr. Goree. Thar’s somethin’ you got what me and Missis Garvey wants to buy.”
“Everything's good, sir, and Missis Garvey and I are really happy with the property. Missis Garvey likes your old place and the neighborhood. She says she wants a social life, and she’s getting it. The Rogerses, the Hapgoods, the Pratts, and the Troys have all visited Missis Garvey, and she’s had meals at most of their houses. The best people have invited her to different events. I can’t say, Mr. Goree, that those things suit me—I'd prefer to be out there.” Garvey’s large, yellow-gloved hand waved towards the mountains. “That’s where I belong, among the wild honey bees and the bears. But that’s not why I came to talk to you, Mr. Goree. There’s something you have that me and Missis Garvey want to buy.”
“Buy!” echoed Goree. “From me?” Then he laughed harshly. “I reckon you are mistaken about that. I reckon you are mistaken about that. I sold out to you, as you yourself expressed it, ‘lock, stock and barrel.’ There isn’t even a ramrod left to sell.”
“Buy!” echoed Goree. “From me?” Then he laughed harshly. “I think you’re mistaken about that. I think you’re mistaken about that. I sold everything to you, as you yourself put it, ‘lock, stock and barrel.’ There isn’t even a ramrod left to sell.”
“You’ve got it; and we ’uns want it. ‘Take the money,’ says Missis Garvey, ‘and buy it fa’r and squar’.’”
“You've got it; and we want it. 'Take the money,' says Missis Garvey, 'and buy it fair and square.'”
Goree shook his head. “The cupboard’s bare,” he said.
Goree shook his head. “The cupboard's empty,” he said.
“We’ve riz,” pursued the mountaineer, undeflected from his object, “a heap. We was pore as possums, and now we could hev folks to dinner every day. We been recognized, Missis Garvey says, by the best society. But there’s somethin’ we need we ain’t got. She says it ought to been put in the ’ventory ov the sale, but it tain’t thar. ‘Take the money, then,’ says she, ‘and buy it fa’r and squar’.’”
“We’ve made it,” the mountaineer continued, focused on his goal, “a lot. We were as poor as could be, and now we could have people over for dinner every day. We’ve been acknowledged, according to Mrs. Garvey, by the best society. But there’s something we need that we don’t have. She says it should have been included in the inventory of the sale, but it’s not there. ‘Take the money, then,’ she says, ‘and buy it fair and square.’”
“Out with it,” said Goree, his racked nerves growing impatient.
“Spit it out,” Goree said, his frayed nerves getting impatient.
Garvey threw his slouch hat upon the table, and leaned forward, fixing his unblinking eyes upon Goree’s.
Garvey tossed his slouch hat onto the table and leaned in, locking his unblinking gaze onto Goree's.
“There’s a old feud,” he said distinctly and slowly, “’tween you ’uns and the Coltranes.”
“There's an old feud,” he said clearly and slowly, “between you guys and the Coltranes.”
Goree frowned ominously. To speak of his feud to a feudist is a serious breach of the mountain etiquette. The man from “back yan’” knew it as well as the lawyer did.
Goree frowned ominously. Talking about his feud to someone embroiled in a feud is a serious violation of mountain etiquette. The man from “back yan’” knew this just as well as the lawyer did.
“Na offense,” he went on “but purely in the way of business. Missis Garvey hev studied all about feuds. Most of the quality folks in the mountains hev ’em. The Settles and the Goforths, the Rankins and the Boyds, the Silers and the Galloways, hev all been cyarin’ on feuds f’om twenty to a hundred year. The last man to drap was when yo’ uncle, Jedge Paisley Goree, ’journed co’t and shot Len Coltrane f’om the bench. Missis Garvey and me, we come f’om the po’ white trash. Nobody wouldn’t pick a feud with we ’uns, no mo’n with a fam’ly of tree-toads. Quality people everywhar, says Missis Garvey, has feuds. We ’uns ain’t quality, but we’re buyin’ into it as fur as we can. ‘Take the money, then,’ says Missis Garvey, ‘and buy Mr. Goree’s feud, fa’r and squar’.’”
“No offense,” he continued, “but it’s strictly business. Missis Garvey has learned all about feuds. Most of the high-class folks in the mountains have them. The Settles and the Goforths, the Rankins and the Boyds, the Silers and the Galloways have all been involved in feuds for anywhere from twenty to a hundred years. The last person to be killed was when your uncle, Judge Paisley Goree, left the court and shot Len Coltrane from the bench. Missis Garvey and I, we come from poor white trash. Nobody would pick a feud with us, any more than with a family of tree-toads. Quality people everywhere, Missis Garvey says, have feuds. We’re not quality, but we’re buying into it as much as we can. ‘Take the money, then,’ Missis Garvey says, ‘and buy Mr. Goree’s feud, fair and square.’”
The squirrel hunter straightened a leg half across the room, drew a roll of bills from his pocket, and threw them on the table.
The squirrel hunter stretched out a leg halfway across the room, pulled out a wad of bills from his pocket, and tossed them on the table.
“Thar’s two hundred dollars, Mr. Goree; what you would call a fa’r price for a feud that’s been ’lowed to run down like yourn hev. Thar’s only you left to cyar’ on yo’ side of it, and you’d make mighty po’ killin’. I’ll take it off yo’ hands, and it’ll set me and Missis Garvey up among the quality. Thar’s the money.”
"Here’s two hundred dollars, Mr. Goree; what you’d call a fair price for a feud that’s been allowed to die down like yours has. You’re the only one left to carry it on, and you wouldn’t make much of a profit. I’ll take it off your hands, and it’ll help me and Mrs. Garvey move up in society. There’s the money."
The little roll of currency on the table slowly untwisted itself, writhing and jumping as its folds relaxed. In the silence that followed Garvey’s last speech the rattling of the poker chips in the court-house could be plainly heard. Goree knew that the sheriff had just won a pot, for the subdued whoop with which he always greeted a victory floated across the square upon the crinkly heat waves. Beads of moisture stood on Goree’s brow. Stooping, he drew the wicker-covered demijohn from under the table, and filled a tumbler from it.
The small roll of cash on the table slowly unwound, twisting and bouncing as its folds relaxed. In the hush that followed Garvey’s last speech, the sound of poker chips clinking in the courthouse was clearly audible. Goree realized the sheriff had just won a hand, as the muffled cheer he always gave when he won drifted across the square on the wavering heat waves. Beads of sweat formed on Goree’s forehead. He bent down, pulled the wicker-covered jug from under the table, and poured a drink into a tumbler.
“A little corn liquor, Mr. Garvey? Of course you are joking about—what you spoke of? Opens quite a new market, doesn’t it? Feuds. Prime, two-fifty to three. Feuds, slightly damaged—two hundred, I believe you said, Mr. Garvey?”
“A little corn liquor, Mr. Garvey? I assume you’re joking about—what you mentioned? This opens up a whole new market, doesn’t it? Feuds. Prime, two-fifty to three. Feuds, slightly damaged—two hundred, I think you said, Mr. Garvey?”
Goree laughed self-consciously.
Goree laughed awkwardly.
The mountaineer took the glass Goree handed him, and drank the whisky without a tremor of the lids of his staring eyes. The lawyer applauded the feat by a look of envious admiration. He poured his own drink, and took it like a drunkard, by gulps, and with shudders at the smell and taste.
The mountaineer took the glass that Goree handed him and drank the whisky without even blinking. The lawyer looked on with envious admiration. He poured his own drink and gulped it down like a drunkard, shuddering at the smell and taste.
“Two hundred,” repeated Garvey. “Thar’s the money.”
“Two hundred,” Garvey repeated. “That’s the money.”
A sudden passion flared up in Goree’s brain. He struck the table with his fist. One of the bills flipped over and touched his hand. He flinched as if something had stung him.
A sudden passion ignited in Goree's mind. He slammed his fist on the table. One of the bills flipped over and brushed against his hand. He recoiled as if something had stung him.
“Do you come to me,” he shouted, “seriously with such a ridiculous, insulting, darned-fool proposition?”
“Are you seriously coming to me,” he shouted, “with such a ridiculous, insulting, stupid proposal?”
“It’s fa’r and squar’,” said the squirrel hunter, but he reached out his hand as if to take back the money; and then Goree knew that his own flurry of rage had not been from pride or resentment, but from anger at himself, knowing that he would set foot in the deeper depths that were being opened to him. He turned in an instant from an outraged gentleman to an anxious chafferer recommending his goods.
“It’s fair and square,” said the squirrel hunter, but he reached out his hand as if to take back the money; and then Goree realized that his own surge of rage hadn’t come from pride or resentment, but from anger at himself, knowing that he would step into the deeper troubles that were being presented to him. He instantly transformed from an outraged gentleman to a nervous seller trying to promote his goods.
“Don’t be in a hurry, Garvey,” he said, his face crimson and his speech thick. “I accept your p-p-proposition, though it’s dirt cheap at two hundred. A t-trade’s all right when both p-purchaser and b-buyer are s-satisfied. Shall I w-wrap it up for you, Mr. Garvey?”
“Don’t rush, Garvey,” he said, his face red and his speech slurred. “I accept your p-p-proposition, even though it’s a steal at two hundred. A t-trade’s good as long as both the seller and the buyer are h-happy. Should I wrap it up for you, Mr. Garvey?”
Garvey rose, and shook out his broadcloth. “Missis Garvey will be pleased. You air out of it, and it stands Coltrane and Garvey. Just a scrap ov writin’, Mr. Goree, you bein’ a lawyer, to show we traded.”
Garvey stood up and brushed off his suit. “Mrs. Garvey will be happy. You're out of it, and it features Coltrane and Garvey. Just a little writing, Mr. Goree, since you're a lawyer, to prove we made a trade.”
Goree seized a sheet of paper and a pen. The money was clutched in his moist hand. Everything else suddenly seemed to grow trivial and light.
Goree grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. The cash was held tightly in his sweaty hand. Everything else suddenly felt unimportant and easy.
“Bill of sale, by all means. ‘Right, title, and interest in and to’ . . . ‘forever warrant and—’ No, Garvey, we’ll have to leave out that ‘defend,’” said Goree with a loud laugh. “You’ll have to defend this title yourself.”
“Bill of sale, absolutely. ‘Right, title, and interest in and to’ . . . ‘forever warrant and—’ No, Garvey, we’ll need to skip that ‘defend,’” Goree said with a hearty laugh. “You’ll have to defend this title on your own.”
The mountaineer received the amazing screed that the lawyer handed him, folded it with immense labour, and laced it carefully in his pocket.
The mountaineer got the impressive document that the lawyer gave him, folded it with great effort, and tucked it carefully into his pocket.
Goree was standing near the window. “Step here,” he said, raising his finger, “and I’ll show you your recently purchased enemy. There he goes, down the other side of the street.”
Goree was standing by the window. “Come here,” he said, pointing his finger, “and I’ll show you your recently bought enemy. There he goes, down the other side of the street.”
The mountaineer crooked his long frame to look through the window in the direction indicated by the other. Colonel Abner Coltrane, an erect, portly gentleman of about fifty, wearing the inevitable long, double-breasted frock coat of the Southern lawmaker, and an old high silk hat, was passing on the opposite sidewalk. As Garvey looked, Goree glanced at his face. If there be such a thing as a yellow wolf, here was its counterpart. Garvey snarled as his unhuman eyes followed the moving figure, disclosing long, amber-coloured fangs.
The mountaineer bent his tall frame to look through the window in the direction the other had pointed. Colonel Abner Coltrane, a tall, hefty man around fifty, wearing the typical long, double-breasted coat of a Southern politician and an old high silk hat, was walking on the opposite sidewalk. As Garvey watched, Goree glanced at his face. If there’s such a thing as a yellow wolf, this was its match. Garvey snarled as his unnatural eyes followed the passing figure, revealing long, amber-colored fangs.
“Is that him? Why, that’s the man who sent me to the pen’tentiary once!”
“Is that him? Wow, that’s the guy who sent me to prison once!”
“He used to be district attorney,” said Goree carelessly. “And, by the way, he’s a first-class shot.”
“He used to be the district attorney,” Goree said casually. “And, by the way, he’s an excellent marksman.”
“I kin hit a squirrel’s eye at a hundred yard,” said Garvey. “So that thar’s Coltrane! I made a better trade than I was thinkin’. I’ll take keer ov this feud, Mr. Goree, better’n you ever did!”
“I can hit a squirrel’s eye from a hundred yards,” said Garvey. “So that’s Coltrane! I made a better deal than I thought. I’ll take care of this feud, Mr. Goree, better than you ever did!”
He moved toward the door, but lingered there, betraying a slight perplexity.
He walked toward the door but paused, showing a hint of confusion.
“Anything else to-day?” inquired Goree with frothy sarcasm. “Any family traditions, ancestral ghosts, or skeletons in the closet? Prices as low as the lowest.”
“Anything else today?” Goree asked with playful sarcasm. “Any family traditions, ancestral ghosts, or skeletons in the closet? Prices as low as the lowest.”
“Thar was another thing,” replied the unmoved squirrel hunter, “that Missis Garvey was thinkin’ of. ’Tain’t so much in my line as t’other, but she wanted partic’lar that I should inquire, and ef you was willin’, ‘pay fur it,’ she says, ‘fa’r and squar’.’ Thar’s a buryin’ groun’, as you know, Mr. Goree, in the yard of yo’ old place, under the cedars. Them that lies thar is yo’ folks what was killed by the Coltranes. The monyments has the names on ’em. Missis Garvey says a fam’ly buryin’ groun’ is a sho’ sign of quality. She says ef we git the feud, thar’s somethin’ else ought to go with it. The names on them monyments is ‘Goree,’ but they can be changed to ourn by—”
“There's another thing,” replied the unfazed squirrel hunter, “that Miss Garvey was thinking about. It's not really my area, but she specifically wanted me to ask, and if you were willing, ‘pay for it,’ she says, ‘fair and square.’ There’s a burial ground, as you know, Mr. Goree, in the yard of your old place, under the cedars. Those who are buried there are your relatives who were killed by the Coltranes. The monuments have their names on them. Miss Garvey says a family burial ground is a sure sign of quality. She says if we settle the feud, there’s something else that should go with it. The names on those monuments are ‘Goree,’ but they can be changed to ours by—”
“Go! Go!” screamed Goree, his face turning purple. He stretched out both hands toward the mountaineer, his fingers hooked and shaking. “Go, you ghoul! Even a Ch-Chinaman protects the g-graves of his ancestors—go!”
“Go! Go!” screamed Goree, his face turning purple. He stretched out both hands toward the mountaineer, his fingers curled and trembling. “Go, you ghoul! Even a Ch-Chinaman protects the g-graves of his ancestors—go!”
The squirrel hunter slouched out of the door to his carryall. While he was climbing over the wheel Goree was collecting, with feverish celerity, the money that had fallen from his hand to the floor. As the vehicle slowly turned about, the sheep, with a coat of newly grown wool, was hurrying, in indecent haste, along the path to the court-house.
The squirrel hunter slumped out of the door to his truck. As he climbed over the wheel, Goree was quickly gathering the cash that had slipped from his hand to the floor. As the vehicle slowly turned around, the sheep, with its freshly grown wool, was rushing along the path to the courthouse.
At three o’clock in the morning they brought him back to his office, shorn and unconscious. The sheriff, the sportive deputy, the county clerk, and the gay attorney carried him, the chalk-faced man “from the valley” acting as escort.
At three in the morning, they brought him back to his office, shaven and unconscious. The sheriff, the playful deputy, the county clerk, and the cheerful attorney carried him, with the pale-faced man “from the valley” serving as an escort.
“On the table,” said one of them, and they deposited him there among the litter of his unprofitable books and papers.
“On the table,” said one of them, and they placed him there among the mess of his useless books and papers.
“Yance thinks a lot of a pair of deuces when he’s liquored up,” sighed the sheriff reflectively.
“Yance thinks highly of a pair of twos when he’s drunk,” sighed the sheriff thoughtfully.
“Too much,” said the gay attorney. “A man has no business to play poker who drinks as much as he does. I wonder how much he dropped to-night.”
“Too much,” said the cheerful attorney. “A guy shouldn't be playing poker if he drinks that much. I wonder how much he lost tonight.”
“Close to two hundred. What I wonder is whar he got it. Yance ain’t had a cent fur over a month, I know.”
“Close to two hundred. What I wonder is where he got it. Yance hasn't had a cent for over a month, I know.”
“Struck a client, maybe. Well, let’s get home before daylight. He’ll be all right when he wakes up, except for a sort of beehive about the cranium.”
“Hit a client, maybe. Anyway, let’s get home before sunrise. He’ll be fine when he wakes up, except for a bit of a headache.”
The gang slipped away through the early morning twilight. The next eye to gaze upon the miserable Goree was the orb of day. He peered through the uncurtained window, first deluging the sleeper in a flood of faint gold, but soon pouring upon the mottled red of his flesh a searching, white, summer heat. Goree stirred, half unconsciously, among the table’s débris, and turned his face from the window. His movement dislodged a heavy law book, which crashed upon the floor. Opening his eyes, he saw, bending over him, a man in a black frock coat. Looking higher, he discovered a well-worn silk hat, and beneath it the kindly, smooth face of Colonel Abner Coltrane.
The gang slipped away through the early morning twilight. The next eye to look upon the miserable Goree was the sun. It peeked through the uncurtained window, first flooding the sleeper with a warm golden light, but soon pouring a harsh white summer heat onto the mottled red of his skin. Goree stirred, half asleep, among the mess on the table and turned his face away from the window. His movement knocked a heavy law book to the floor. When he opened his eyes, he saw a man in a black coat leaning over him. Looking higher, he noticed a well-worn silk hat, and underneath it, the friendly, smooth face of Colonel Abner Coltrane.
A little uncertain of the outcome, the colonel waited for the other to make some sign of recognition. Not in twenty years had male members of these two families faced each other in peace. Goree’s eyelids puckered as he strained his blurred sight toward this visitor, and then he smiled serenely.
A bit unsure of what would happen next, the colonel waited for the other person to show some sign that he recognized him. It had been twenty years since the men from these two families had met each other in peace. Goree narrowed his eyes as he tried to focus on this visitor, and then he smiled calmly.
“Have you brought Stella and Lucy over to play?” he said calmly.
“Did you bring Stella and Lucy over to hang out?” he asked casually.
“Do you know me, Yancey?” asked Coltrane.
“Do you know me, Yancey?” Coltrane asked.
“Of course I do. You brought me a whip with a whistle in the end.”
“Of course I do. You gave me a whip with a whistle on the end.”
So he had—twenty-four years ago; when Yancey’s father was his best friend.
So he had—twenty-four years ago; when Yancey’s dad was his best friend.
Goree’s eyes wandered about the room. The colonel understood. “Lie still, and I’ll bring you some,” said he. There was a pump in the yard at the rear, and Goree closed his eyes, listening with rapture to the click of its handle, and the bubbling of the falling stream. Coltrane brought a pitcher of the cool water, and held it for him to drink. Presently Goree sat up—a most forlorn object, his summer suit of flax soiled and crumpled, his discreditable head tousled and unsteady. He tried to wave one of his hands toward the colonel.
Goree's eyes scanned the room. The colonel got it. “Just lie still, and I’ll get you some,” he said. There was a pump in the backyard, and Goree closed his eyes, listening with delight to the sound of its handle clicking and the water splashing. Coltrane returned with a pitcher of cool water and held it up for him to drink. Eventually, Goree sat up—a really pitiful sight, his lightweight summer suit wrinkled and dirty, his messy hair a complete disaster. He tried to wave one of his hands toward the colonel.
“Ex-excuse—everything, will you?” he said. “I must have drunk too much whiskey last night, and gone to bed on the table.” His brows knitted into a puzzled frown.
“Excuse me—everything, will you?” he said. “I must have drunk too much whiskey last night and passed out on the table.” His brows furrowed into a confused frown.
“Out with the boys awhile?” asked Coltrane kindly.
“Out with the guys for a bit?” asked Coltrane kindly.
“No, I went nowhere. I haven’t had a dollar to spend in the last two months. Struck the demijohn too often, I reckon, as usual.”
“No, I didn’t go anywhere. I haven’t had a dollar to spend in the last two months. I probably hit the bottle too often, like usual.”
Colonel Coltrane touched him on the shoulder.
Colonel Coltrane tapped him on the shoulder.
“A little while ago, Yancey,” he began, “you asked me if I had brought Stella and Lucy over to play. You weren’t quite awake then, and must have been dreaming you were a boy again. You are awake now, and I want you to listen to me. I have come from Stella and Lucy to their old playmate, and to my old friend’s son. They know that I am going to bring you home with me, and you will find them as ready with a welcome as they were in the old days. I want you to come to my house and stay until you are yourself again, and as much longer as you will. We heard of your being down in the world, and in the midst of temptation, and we agreed that you should come over and play at our house once more. Will you come, my boy? Will you drop our old family trouble and come with me?”
“A little while ago, Yancey,” he started, “you asked me if I had brought Stella and Lucy over to play. You weren’t fully awake then and must have been dreaming that you were a boy again. You’re awake now, and I need you to listen to me. I’ve come from Stella and Lucy to their old playmate and to my old friend’s son. They know I’m here to take you home with me, and you’ll find them just as ready to welcome you as they were back in the day. I want you to come to my house and stay until you feel like yourself again, and even longer if you want. We heard that you’ve been having a tough time and facing temptation, and we decided you should come over and play at our house one more time. Will you come, my boy? Will you leave our old family troubles behind and come with me?”
“Trouble!” said Goree, opening his eyes wide. “There was never any trouble between us that I know of. I’m sure we’ve always been the best friends. But, good Lord, Colonel, how could I go to your home as I am—a drunken wretch, a miserable, degraded spendthrift and gambler—”
“Trouble!” said Goree, his eyes widening. “I don’t think there’s ever been any trouble between us. I’m pretty sure we’ve always been the best of friends. But, oh my God, Colonel, how could I come to your home like this—a drunken mess, a miserable, degraded wastrel and gambler—”
He lurched from the table into his armchair, and began to weep maudlin tears, mingled with genuine drops of remorse and shame. Coltrane talked to him persistently and reasonably, reminding him of the simple mountain pleasures of which he had once been so fond, and insisting upon the genuineness of the invitation.
He staggered from the table to his armchair and started to cry, his tears a mix of sentimental sadness and real regret and shame. Coltrane spoke to him persistently and calmly, reminding him of the simple joys of the mountains that he used to love so much, and emphasizing how sincere the invitation was.
Finally he landed Goree by telling him he was counting upon his help in the engineering and transportation of a large amount of felled timber from a high mountain-side to a waterway. He knew that Goree had once invented a device for this purpose—a series of slides and chutes upon which he had justly prided himself. In an instant the poor fellow, delighted at the idea of his being of use to any one, had paper spread upon the table, and was drawing rapid but pitifully shaky lines in demonstration of what he could and would do.
Finally, he got Goree on board by saying he needed his help with the engineering and transportation of a large amount of cut timber from a steep mountainside to a waterway. He knew that Goree had once come up with a device for this purpose—a series of slides and chutes he had been rightly proud of. In no time, the poor guy, thrilled at the thought of being useful to someone, had paper out on the table and was sketching quick but really shaky lines to show what he could and would do.
The man was sickened of the husks; his prodigal heart was turning again toward the mountains. His mind was yet strangely clogged, and his thoughts and memories were returning to his brain one by one, like carrier pigeons over a stormy sea. But Coltrane was satisfied with the progress he had made.
The man was tired of the emptiness; his generous heart was shifting back toward the mountains. His mind was still oddly clouded, and his thoughts and memories were coming back to him one by one, like carrier pigeons over a rough sea. But Coltrane was pleased with the progress he had made.
Bethel received the surprise of its existence that afternoon when a Coltrane and a Goree rode amicably together through the town. Side by side they rode, out from the dusty streets and gaping townspeople, down across the creek bridge, and up toward the mountain. The prodigal had brushed and washed and combed himself to a more decent figure, but he was unsteady in the saddle, and he seemed to be deep in the contemplation of some vexing problem. Coltrane left him in his mood, relying upon the influence of changed surroundings to restore his equilibrium.
Bethel got the shock of its life that afternoon when Coltrane and Goree rode happily together through town. They rode side by side, away from the dusty streets and staring townsfolk, across the creek bridge, and up toward the mountain. The prodigal had cleaned himself up and looked more presentable, but he was wobbly in the saddle and seemed lost in thought over some troubling issue. Coltrane let him be, trusting that the new surroundings would help him find his balance again.
Once Goree was seized with a shaking fit, and almost came to a collapse. He had to dismount and rest at the side of the road. The colonel, foreseeing such a condition, had provided a small flask of whisky for the journey but when it was offered to him Goree refused it almost with violence, declaring he would never touch it again. By and by he was recovered, and went quietly enough for a mile or two. Then he pulled up his horse suddenly, and said:
Once Goree was hit with a shaking fit and almost collapsed. He had to get off his horse and rest at the side of the road. The colonel, anticipating this situation, had brought along a small flask of whiskey for the journey, but when it was offered to him, Goree rejected it almost violently, insisting he would never touch it again. After a while, he recovered and continued quietly for a mile or two. Then he suddenly stopped his horse and said:
“I lost two hundred dollars last night, playing poker. Now, where did I get that money?”
“I lost two hundred dollars last night playing poker. Now, where did I get that money?”
“Take it easy, Yancey. The mountain air will soon clear it up. We’ll go fishing, first thing, at the Pinnacle Falls. The trout are jumping there like bullfrogs. We’ll take Stella and Lucy along, and have a picnic on Eagle Rock. Have you forgotten how a hickory-cured-ham sandwich tastes, Yancey, to a hungry fisherman?”
“Relax, Yancey. The fresh mountain air will clear your mind soon enough. We’ll go fishing first at Pinnacle Falls. The trout are jumping there like bullfrogs. We’ll take Stella and Lucy with us and have a picnic on Eagle Rock. Have you forgotten how amazing a hickory-cured ham sandwich tastes to a hungry fisherman, Yancey?”
Evidently the colonel did not believe the story of his lost wealth; so Goree retired again into brooding silence.
Evidently, the colonel didn't buy the story about his lost wealth, so Goree fell back into deep silence once more.
By late Afternoon they had travelled ten of the twelve miles between Bethel and Laurel. Half a mile this side of Laurel lay the old Goree place; a mile or two beyond the village lived the Coltranes. The road was now steep and laborious, but the compensations were many. The tilted aisles of the forest were opulent with leaf and bird and bloom. The tonic air put to shame the pharmacopæia. The glades were dark with mossy shade, and bright with shy rivulets winking from the ferns and laurels. On the lower side they viewed, framed in the near foliage, exquisite sketches of the far valley swooning in its opal haze.
By late afternoon, they had traveled ten of the twelve miles between Bethel and Laurel. Half a mile before Laurel was the old Goree place; a mile or two past the village lived the Coltranes. The road was now steep and hard to navigate, but there were plenty of rewards. The slanted aisles of the forest were rich with leaves, birds, and flowers. The fresh air put any medicine to shame. The clearings were dark with mossy shade and bright with little streams glimmering through the ferns and laurels. On the lower side, they saw, framed by the nearby foliage, beautiful views of the distant valley fading into its opal haze.
Coltrane was pleased to see that his companion was yielding to the spell of the hills and woods. For now they had but to skirt the base of Painter’s Cliff; to cross Elder Branch and mount the hill beyond, and Goree would have to face the squandered home of his fathers. Every rock he passed, every tree, every foot of the rocky way, was familiar to him. Though he had forgotten the woods, they thrilled him like the music of “Home, Sweet Home.”
Coltrane was happy to see that his friend was being enchanted by the hills and woods. Now they just had to go around the base of Painter’s Cliff, cross Elder Branch, and climb the hill ahead, and Goree would have to confront the wasted home of his ancestors. Every rock he walked by, every tree, every stretch of the rocky path felt familiar to him. Even though he had forgotten the woods, they excited him like the song “Home, Sweet Home.”
They rounded the cliff, descended into Elder Branch, and paused there to let the horses drink and splash in the swift water. On the right was a rail fence that cornered there, and followed the road and stream. Inclosed by it was the old apple orchard of the home place; the house was yet concealed by the brow of the steep hill. Inside and along the fence, pokeberries, elders, sassafras, and sumac grew high and dense. At a rustle of their branches, both Goree and Coltrane glanced up, and saw a long, yellow, wolfish face above the fence, staring at them with pale, unwinking eyes. The head quickly disappeared; there was a violent swaying of the bushes, and an ungainly figure ran up through the apple orchard in the direction of the house, zig-zagging among the trees.
They rounded the cliff, went down into Elder Branch, and stopped there to let the horses drink and splash in the fast-flowing water. On the right was a rail fence that turned there and followed the road and stream. Inside it was the old apple orchard from their family home; the house was still hidden by the edge of the steep hill. Along the fence, pokeberries, elderberries, sassafras, and sumac grew thick and tall. At a rustle of their branches, both Goree and Coltrane looked up and saw a long, yellow, wolf-like face above the fence, staring at them with pale, unblinking eyes. The head quickly vanished; there was a violent shaking of the bushes, and an awkward figure ran up through the apple orchard toward the house, zigzagging among the trees.
“That’s Garvey,” said Coltrane; “the man you sold out to. There’s no doubt but he’s considerably cracked. I had to send him up for moonshining once, several years ago, in spite of the fact that I believed him irresponsible. Why, what’s the matter, Yancey?”
“That's Garvey,” said Coltrane; “the guy you sold out to. There's no doubt he's pretty messed up. I had to send him away for moonshining once, several years ago, even though I thought he was irresponsible. Why, what's wrong, Yancey?”
Goree was wiping his forehead, and his face had lost its colour. “Do I look queer, too?” he asked, trying to smile. “I’m just remembering a few more things.” Some of the alcohol had evaporated from his brain. “I recollect now where I got that two hundred dollars.”
Goree was wiping his forehead, and his face had lost its color. “Do I look strange, too?” he asked, trying to smile. “I’m just remembering a few more things.” Some of the alcohol had evaporated from his brain. “I now remember where I got that two hundred dollars.”
“Don’t think of it,” said Coltrane cheerfully. “Later on we’ll figure it all out together.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Coltrane said with a smile. “We’ll sort it all out together later.”
They rode out of the branch, and when they reached the foot of the hill Goree stopped again.
They rode out of the branch, and when they got to the bottom of the hill, Goree stopped again.
“Did you ever suspect I was a very vain kind of fellow, Colonel?” he asked. “Sort of foolish proud about appearances?”
“Did you ever think I was a pretty vain guy, Colonel?” he asked. “Like, a bit foolishly proud about how things look?”
The colonel’s eyes refused to wander to the soiled, sagging suit of flax and the faded slouch hat.
The colonel's eyes wouldn't move to the dirty, sagging linen suit and the worn-out slouch hat.
“It seems to me,” he replied, mystified, but humouring him, “I remember a young buck about twenty, with the tightest coat, the sleekest hair, and the prancingest saddle horse in the Blue Ridge.”
“It seems to me,” he replied, confused but going along with him, “I remember a young guy around twenty, with the finest coat, the smoothest hair, and the most spirited saddle horse in the Blue Ridge.”
“Right you are,” said Goree eagerly. “And it’s in me yet, though it don’t show. Oh, I’m as vain as a turkey gobbler, and as proud as Lucifer. I’m going to ask you to indulge this weakness of mine in a little matter.”
“Absolutely,” said Goree eagerly. “And it's still within me, even if it doesn't show. Oh, I’m as vain as a peacock, and as proud as the devil. I’m going to ask you to put up with this little weakness of mine.”
“Speak out, Yancey. We’ll create you Duke of Laurel and Baron of Blue Ridge, if you choose; and you shall have a feather out of Stella’s peacock’s tail to wear in your hat.”
“Speak up, Yancey. We’ll make you Duke of Laurel and Baron of Blue Ridge if you want; and you can wear a feather from Stella’s peacock tail in your hat.”
“I’m in earnest. In a few minutes we’ll pass the house up there on the hill where I was born, and where my people have lived for nearly a century. Strangers live there now—and look at me! I am about to show myself to them ragged and poverty-stricken, a wastrel and a beggar. Colonel Coltrane, I’m ashamed to do it. I want you to let me wear your coat and hat until we are out of sight beyond. I know you think it a foolish pride, but I want to make as good a showing as I can when I pass the old place.”
“I’m serious. In a few minutes, we'll pass the house up there on the hill where I was born, and where my family has lived for nearly a century. Strangers live there now—and look at me! I’m about to show myself to them, ragged and poor, a drifter and a beggar. Colonel Coltrane, I’m embarrassed to do it. I want you to let me wear your coat and hat until we’re out of sight. I know you think it’s foolish pride, but I want to make as good an impression as I can when we pass the old place.”
“Now, what does this mean?” said Coltrane to himself, as he compared his companion’s sane looks and quiet demeanour with his strange request. But he was already unbuttoning the coat, assenting readily, as if the fancy were in no wise to be considered strange.
“Now, what does this mean?” Coltrane asked himself as he looked at his companion's sensible appearance and calm behavior alongside his odd request. But he was already unbuttoning his coat, agreeing without hesitation, as if the suggestion was completely normal.
The coat and hat fitted Goree well. He buttoned the former about him with a look of satisfaction and dignity. He and Coltrane were nearly the same size—rather tall, portly, and erect. Twenty-five years were between them, but in appearance they might have been brothers. Goree looked older than his age; his face was puffy and lined; the colonel had the smooth, fresh complexion of a temperate liver. He put on Goree’s disreputable old flax coat and faded slouch hat.
The coat and hat fit Goree perfectly. He buttoned up the coat with a look of satisfaction and dignity. He and Coltrane were about the same size—tall, stocky, and upright. There were twenty-five years between them, but they could have been brothers in appearance. Goree looked older than his age; his face was puffy and wrinkled; the colonel had the smooth, fresh complexion of someone who lived a healthy lifestyle. He put on Goree’s shabby old linen coat and worn-out slouch hat.
“Now,” said Goree, taking up the reins, “I’m all right. I want you to ride about ten feet in the rear as we go by, Colonel, so that they can get a good look at me. They’ll see I’m no back number yet, by any means. I guess I’ll show up pretty well to them once more, anyhow. Let’s ride on.”
“Now,” said Goree, grabbing the reins, “I’m good to go. I want you to ride about ten feet behind me, Colonel, as we pass by, so they can get a good look at me. They’ll see I’m definitely not past my prime yet. I think I’ll impress them again, anyway. Let’s ride on.”
He set out up the hill at a smart trot, the colonel following, as he had been requested.
He set out up the hill at a brisk trot, with the colonel following, as he had been asked.
Goree sat straight in the saddle, with head erect, but his eyes were turned to the right, sharply scanning every shrub and fence and hiding-place in the old homestead yard. Once he muttered to himself, “Will the crazy fool try it, or did I dream half of it?”
Goree sat up straight in the saddle, with his head held high, but his eyes were focused to the right, carefully checking every bush, fence, and hiding spot in the old homestead yard. He muttered to himself, “Is the crazy fool really going to go for it, or did I just imagine part of it?”
It was when he came opposite the little family burying ground that he saw what he had been looking for—a puff of white smoke, coming from the thick cedars in one corner. He toppled so slowly to the left that Coltrane had time to urge his horse to that side, and catch him with one arm.
It was when he reached the small family cemetery that he spotted what he had been searching for—a puff of white smoke rising from the dense cedars in one corner. He leaned so slowly to the left that Coltrane had time to steer his horse that way and catch him with one arm.
The squirrel hunter had not overpraised his aim. He had sent the bullet where he intended, and where Goree had expected that it would pass—through the breast of Colonel Abner Coltrane’s black frock coat.
The squirrel hunter hadn’t exaggerated his aim. He shot exactly where he meant to, and where Goree thought it would go—right through the chest of Colonel Abner Coltrane’s black frock coat.
Goree leaned heavily against Coltrane, but he did not fall. The horses kept pace, side by side, and the Colonel’s arm kept him steady. The little white houses of Laurel shone through the trees, half a mile away. Goree reached out one hand and groped until it rested upon Coltrane’s fingers, which held his bridle.
Goree leaned hard against Coltrane, but he didn’t fall. The horses moved along, side by side, and the Colonel’s arm kept him balanced. The small white houses of Laurel glimmered through the trees, half a mile away. Goree reached out one hand and fumbled until it landed on Coltrane’s fingers, which held his bridle.
“Good friend,” he said, and that was all.
“Good friend,” he said, and that was it.
Thus did Yancey Goree, as he rode past his old home, make, considering all things, the best showing that was in his power.
Thus, as Yancey Goree rode past his old home, he made the best impression he could, taking everything into account.
XVI
THE SONG AND THE SERGEANT
Half a dozen people supping at a table in one of the upper-Broadway all-night restaurants were making too much noise. Three times the manager walked past them with a politely warning glance; but their argument had waxed too warm to be quelled by a manager’s gaze. It was midnight, and the restaurant was filled with patrons from the theatres of that district. Some among the dispersed audiences must have recognized among the quarrelsome sextet the faces of the players belonging to the Carroll Comedy Company.
Half a dozen people eating at a table in one of the all-night restaurants on Upper Broadway were being too loud. Three times the manager passed by them with a politely warning look; but their argument had heated up too much to be calmed by a manager’s stare. It was midnight, and the restaurant was packed with customers from the theaters in the area. Some people in the mixed crowds must have recognized the faces of the actors from the Carroll Comedy Company among the noisy group.
Four of the six made up the company. Another was the author of the comedietta, “A Gay Coquette,” which the quartette of players had been presenting with fair success at several vaudeville houses in the city. The sixth at the table was a person inconsequent in the realm of art, but one at whose bidding many lobsters had perished.
Four of the six formed the group. Another was the writer of the short play, “A Gay Coquette,” which the four performers had been successfully showcasing at several vaudeville venues in the city. The sixth at the table was someone who didn't really matter in the world of art, but someone whose orders had led to the demise of many lobsters.
Loudly the six maintained their clamorous debate. No one of the Party was silent except when answers were stormed from him by the excited ones. That was the comedian of “A Gay Coquette.” He was a young man with a face even too melancholy for his profession.
Loudly, the six continued their noisy debate. No one in the group was quiet except when the excited ones demanded answers from him. That was the comedian from “A Gay Coquette.” He was a young man with a face that was almost too sad for his job.
The oral warfare of four immoderate tongues was directed at Miss Clarice Carroll, the twinkling star of the small aggregation. Excepting the downcast comedian, all members of the party united in casting upon her with vehemence the blame of some momentous misfortune. Fifty times they told her: “It is your fault, Clarice—it is you alone who spoilt the scene. It is only of late that you have acted this way. At this rate the sketch will have to be taken off.”
The verbal attacks from four overly dramatic individuals were aimed at Miss Clarice Carroll, the shining star of the small group. Except for the sad comedian, everyone else joined in passionately blaming her for a significant misfortune. They told her fifty times: “It’s your fault, Clarice—it’s only you who ruined the scene. You’ve only started acting this way recently. At this rate, we’ll have to pull the sketch.”
Miss Carroll was a match for any four. Gallic ancestry gave her a vivacity that could easily mount to fury. Her large eyes flashed a scorching denial at her accusers. Her slender, eloquent arms constantly menaced the tableware. Her high, clear soprano voice rose to what would have been a scream had it not possessed so pure a musical quality. She hurled back at the attacking four their denunciations in tones sweet, but of too great carrying power for a Broadway restaurant.
Miss Carroll could hold her own against any four. Her French heritage gave her a liveliness that could quickly turn to anger. Her large eyes shot a burning rejection at her accusers. Her slender, expressive arms were a constant threat to the tableware. Her high, clear soprano voice soared to what could have been a scream if it didn't have such a beautiful musical quality. She shot back the accusations from the four attackers with a tone that was sweet, but too powerful for a Broadway restaurant.
Finally they exhausted her patience both as a woman and an artist. She sprang up like a panther, managed to smash half a dozen plates and glasses with one royal sweep of her arm, and defied her critics. They rose and wrangled more loudly. The comedian sighed and looked a trifle sadder and disinterested. The manager came tripping and suggested peace. He was told to go to the popular synonym for war so promptly that the affair might have happened at The Hague.
Finally, they wore out her patience as both a woman and an artist. She jumped up like a panther, managed to smash half a dozen plates and glasses with one grand sweep of her arm, and defied her critics. They stood up and argued even louder. The comedian sighed and looked a bit sadder and uninterested. The manager came over, trying to suggest a truce. He was told to go to the popular synonym for war so quickly that it could have happened at The Hague.
Thus was the manager angered. He made a sign with his hand and a waiter slipped out of the door. In twenty minutes the party of six was in a police station facing a grizzled and philosophical desk sergeant.
Thus the manager was angry. He gestured with his hand and a waiter quickly stepped out of the door. In twenty minutes, the party of six found themselves in a police station facing a grizzled and philosophical desk sergeant.
“Disorderly conduct in a restaurant,” said the policeman who had brought the party in.
“Disruptive behavior in a restaurant,” said the police officer who had brought the group in.
The author of “A Gay Coquette” stepped to the front. He wore nose-glasses and evening clothes, even if his shoes had been tans before they met the patent-leather-polish bottle.
The author of “A Gay Coquette” stepped to the front. He wore glasses and evening attire, even if his shoes had been brown before they met the bottle of patent leather polish.
“Mr. Sergeant,” said he, out of his throat, like Actor Irving, “I would like to protest against this arrest. The company of actors who are performing in a little play that I have written, in company with a friend and myself were having a little supper. We became deeply interested in the discussion as to which one of the cast is responsible for a scene in the sketch that lately has fallen so flat that the piece is about to become a failure. We may have been rather noisy and intolerant of interruption by the restaurant people; but the matter was of considerable importance to all of us. You see that we are sober and are not the kind of people who desire to raise disturbances. I hope that the case will not be pressed and that we may be allowed to go.”
“Mr. Sergeant,” he said, clearing his throat like Actor Irving, “I want to protest this arrest. The group of actors involved in a little play I wrote, along with a friend and me, were having a small dinner. We got really into a discussion about which member of the cast is responsible for a scene in the sketch that has recently flopped so badly that the show is on the brink of failing. We might have been a bit loud and didn’t tolerate interruptions from the restaurant staff, but this was really important to all of us. As you can see, we’re sober and not the type to cause a disturbance. I hope this case won’t be pursued and that we can be allowed to leave.”
“Who makes the charge?” asked the sergeant.
“Who brings the accusation?” asked the sergeant.
“Me,” said a white-aproned voice in the rear. “De restaurant sent me to. De gang was raisin’ a rough-house and breakin’ dishes.”
“Me,” said a voice in a white apron from the back. “The restaurant sent me here. The group was causing a ruckus and breaking dishes.”
“The dishes were paid for,” said the playwright. “They were not broken purposely. In her anger, because we remonstrated with her for spoiling the scene, Miss—”
“The dishes were paid for,” said the playwright. “They weren't broken on purpose. In her anger, because we confronted her for ruining the scene, Miss—”
“It’s not true, sergeant,” cried the clear voice of Miss Clarice Carroll. In a long coat of tan silk and a red-plumed hat, she bounded before the desk.
“It’s not true, sergeant,” shouted Miss Clarice Carroll's clear voice. Dressed in a long tan silk coat and a red-plumed hat, she jumped in front of the desk.
“It’s not my fault,” she cried indignantly. “How dare they say such a thing! I’ve played the title rôle ever since it was staged, and if you want to know who made it a success, ask the public—that’s all.”
“It’s not my fault,” she shouted angrily. “How dare they say that! I’ve played the lead role ever since it started, and if you want to know who made it a success, just ask the audience—that’s all.”
“What Miss Carroll says is true in part,” said the author. “For five months the comedietta was a drawing-card in the best houses. But during the last two weeks it has lost favour. There is one scene in it in which Miss Carroll made a big hit. Now she hardly gets a hand out of it. She spoils it by acting it entirely different from her old way.”
“What Miss Carroll says is partially true,” said the author. “For five months, the play was a major attraction in the best venues. But in the past two weeks, it has lost its appeal. There’s one scene where Miss Carroll really shined. Now she barely gets any applause for it. She ruins it by performing it completely differently than she used to.”
“It is not my fault,” reiterated the actress.
“It’s not my fault,” the actress repeated.
“There are only two of you on in the scene,” argued the playwright hotly, “you and Delmars, here—”
“There are only two of you in the scene,” the playwright argued passionately, “you and Delmars, right here—”
“Then it’s his fault,” declared Miss Carroll, with a lightning glance of scorn from her dark eyes. The comedian caught it, and gazed with increased melancholy at the panels of the sergeant’s desk.
“Then it’s his fault,” Miss Carroll stated, giving a quick, scornful look from her dark eyes. The comedian noticed it and stared with more sadness at the panels of the sergeant’s desk.
The night was a dull one in that particular police station.
The night was pretty boring at that police station.
The sergeant’s long-blunted curiosity awoke a little.
The sergeant's long-dulled curiosity sparked a bit.
“I’ve heard you,” he said to the author. And then he addressed the thin-faced and ascetic-looking lady of the company who played “Aunt Turnip-top” in the little comedy.
“I’ve heard you,” he said to the author. Then he turned to the thin-faced, ascetic-looking woman in the group who played “Aunt Turnip-top” in the little comedy.
“Who do you think spoils the scene you are fussing about?” he asked.
“Who do you think is ruining the scene you’re upset about?” he asked.
“I’m no knocker,” said that lady, “and everybody knows it. So, when I say that Clarice falls down every time in that scene I’m judging her art and not herself. She was great in it once. She does it something fierce now. It’ll dope the show if she keeps it up.”
“I’m not one to criticize,” said that lady, “and everyone knows it. So, when I say that Clarice messes up every time in that scene, I’m judging her performance, not her as a person. She was amazing in it once. She really struggles with it now. It will hurt the show if she keeps this up.”
The sergeant looked at the comedian.
The sergeant looked at the comedian.
“You and the lady have this scene together, I understand. I suppose there’s no use asking you which one of you queers it?”
“You and the lady have this moment together, I get it. I guess there’s no point in asking which one of you is gay?”
The comedian avoided the direct rays from the two fixed stars of Miss Carroll’s eyes.
The comedian avoided the direct gaze from the two fixed stars of Miss Carroll’s eyes.
“I don’t know,” he said, looking down at his patent-leather toes.
“I don’t know,” he said, looking down at his shiny shoes.
“Are you one of the actors?” asked the sergeant of a dwarfish youth with a middle-aged face.
“Are you one of the actors?” the sergeant asked a short young man with an older-looking face.
“Why, say!” replied the last Thespian witness, “you don’t notice any tin spear in my hands, do you? You haven’t heard me shout: ‘See, the Emperor comes!’ since I’ve been in here, have you? I guess I’m on the stage long enough for ’em not to start a panic by mistaking me for a thin curl of smoke rising above the footlights.”
“Why, let me tell you!” answered the last Thespian witness, “you don’t see any tin spear in my hands, do you? You haven’t heard me shout: ‘Look, the Emperor is coming!’ since I’ve been in here, have you? I figure I’ve been on stage long enough for them not to freak out by confusing me for a thin wisp of smoke rising above the lights.”
“In your opinion, if you’ve got one,” said the sergeant, “is the frost that gathers on the scene in question the work of the lady or the gentleman who takes part in it?”
“In your opinion, if you have one,” said the sergeant, “do you think the frost that collects on the scene in question is created by the lady or the gentleman involved?”
The middle-aged youth looked pained.
The middle-aged man looked pained.
“I regret to say,” he answered, “that Miss Carroll seems to have lost her grip on that scene. She’s all right in the rest of the play, but—but I tell you, sergeant, she can do it—she has done it equal to any of ’em—and she can do it again.”
“I’m sorry to say,” he replied, “that Miss Carroll seems to have lost her hold on that scene. She’s great in the rest of the play, but—but I tell you, sergeant, she can do it—she’s done it as well as anyone else—and she can do it again.”
Miss Carroll ran forward, glowing and palpitating.
Miss Carroll rushed forward, glowing and excited.
“Thank you, Jimmy, for the first good word I’ve had in many a day,” she cried. And then she turned her eager face toward the desk.
“Thank you, Jimmy, for the first nice thing I've heard in a long time,” she exclaimed. Then she turned her eager face toward the desk.
“I’ll show you, sergeant, whether I am to blame. I’ll show them whether I can do that scene. Come, Mr. Delmars; let us begin. You will let us, won’t you, sergeant?”
“I’ll show you, sergeant, if I’m the one at fault. I’ll prove to them whether I can handle that scene. Come on, Mr. Delmars; let’s get started. You’ll let us, right, sergeant?”
“How long will it take?” asked the sergeant, dubiously.
“How long is it going to take?” asked the sergeant, skeptically.
“Eight minutes,” said the playwright. “The entire play consumes but thirty.”
“Eight minutes,” said the playwright. “The whole play lasts only thirty.”
“You may go ahead,” said the sergeant. “Most of you seem to side against the little lady. Maybe she had a right to crack up a saucer or two in that restaurant. We’ll see how she does the turn before we take that up.”
“You can go ahead,” the sergeant said. “Most of you seem to be against the little lady. Maybe she had a right to break a couple of saucers in that restaurant. We’ll see how she handles the situation before we discuss that.”
The matron of the police station had been standing near, listening to the singular argument. She came nigher and stood near the sergeant’s chair. Two or three of the reserves strolled in, big and yawning.
The female officer at the police station had been nearby, listening to the unusual argument. She moved closer and stood by the sergeant’s chair. A couple of the reserves walked in, looking big and yawning.
“Before beginning the scene,” said the playwright, “and assuming that you have not seen a production of ‘A Gay Coquette,’ I will make a brief but necessary explanation. It is a musical-farce-comedy—burlesque-comedietta. As the title implies, Miss Carroll’s rôle is that of a gay, rollicking, mischievous, heartless coquette. She sustains that character throughout the entire comedy part of the production. And I have designed the extravaganza features so that she may preserve and present the same coquettish idea.
“Before we start the scene,” said the playwright, “and assuming that you haven’t seen a production of ‘A Gay Coquette,’ I’ll give a quick but important explanation. It’s a musical-farce-comedy—burlesque-comedietta. As the title suggests, Miss Carroll’s role is that of a playful, fun-loving, mischievous, heartless coquette. She maintains that character throughout the whole comedic part of the production. I’ve crafted the extravagant elements so that she can keep and showcase the same flirtatious concept.”
“Now, the scene in which we take exception to Miss Carroll’s acting is called the ‘gorilla dance.’ She is costumed to represent a wood nymph, and there is a great song-and-dance scene with a gorilla—played by Mr. Delmars, the comedian. A tropical-forest stage is set.
“Now, the scene where we critique Miss Carroll’s performance is known as the ‘gorilla dance.’ She is dressed as a wood nymph, and there’s an elaborate song-and-dance number featuring a gorilla—played by Mr. Delmars, the comedian. A tropical forest set is created.”
“That used to get four and five recalls. The main thing was the acting and the dance—it was the funniest thing in New York for five months. Delmars’s song, ‘I’ll Woo Thee to My Sylvan Home,’ while he and Miss Carroll were cutting hide-and-seek capers among the tropical plants, was a winner.”
"That used to get four and five callbacks. The main thing was the acting and the dancing—it was the funniest show in New York for five months. Delmars’s song, ‘I’ll Woo Thee to My Sylvan Home,’ while he and Miss Carroll were playing hide-and-seek among the tropical plants, was a hit."
“What’s the trouble with the scene now?” asked the sergeant.
“What’s going on with the scene now?” asked the sergeant.
“Miss Carroll spoils it right in the middle of it,” said the playwright wrathfully.
“Miss Carroll ruins it right in the middle,” the playwright said angrily.
With a wide gesture of her ever-moving arms the actress waved back the little group of spectators, leaving a space in front of the desk for the scene of her vindication or fall. Then she whipped off her long tan cloak and tossed it across the arm of the policeman who still stood officially among them.
With a wide gesture of her constantly moving arms, the actress waved back the small group of spectators, creating an open space in front of the desk for her moment of vindication or downfall. Then she quickly removed her long tan cloak and tossed it over the arm of the policeman who still stood officially among them.
Miss Carroll had gone to supper well cloaked, but in the costume of the tropic wood nymph. A skirt of fern leaves touched her knee; she was like a humming-bird—green and golden and purple.
Miss Carroll had gone to dinner well covered up, but in the outfit of a tropical wood nymph. A skirt made of fern leaves brushed her knee; she looked like a hummingbird—green, gold, and purple.
And then she danced a fluttering, fantastic dance, so agile and light and mazy in her steps that the other three members of the Carroll Comedy Company broke into applause at the art of it.
And then she danced a whimsical, amazing dance, so graceful and light and intricate in her movements that the other three members of the Carroll Comedy Company burst into applause at her skill.
And at the proper time Delmars leaped out at her side, mimicking the uncouth, hideous bounds of the gorilla so funnily that the grizzled sergeant himself gave a short laugh like the closing of a padlock. They danced together the gorilla dance, and won a hand from all.
And at the right moment, Delmars jumped out next to her, imitating the awkward, ugly movements of the gorilla in such a funny way that even the grizzled sergeant let out a short laugh that sounded like a padlock closing. They danced the gorilla dance together and received applause from everyone.
Then began the most fantastic part of the scene—the wooing of the nymph by the gorilla. It was a kind of dance itself—eccentric and prankish, with the nymph in coquettish and seductive retreat, followed by the gorilla as he sang “I’ll Woo Thee to My Sylvan Home.”
Then began the most amazing part of the scene—the gorilla trying to win over the nymph. It was like a dance—quirky and playful, with the nymph teasingly pulling away, while the gorilla sang, “I’ll Woo Thee to My Sylvan Home.”
The song was a lyric of merit. The words were nonsense, as befitted the play, but the music was worthy of something better. Delmars struck into it in a rich tenor that owned a quality that shamed the flippant words.
The song had meaningful lyrics. The words were nonsense, fitting for the play, but the music deserved something better. Delmars sang it in a rich tenor that gave the lighthearted words a sense of seriousness.
During one verse of the song the wood nymph performed the grotesque evolutions designed for the scene. At the middle of the second verse she stood still, with a strange look on her face, seeming to gaze dreamily into the depths of the scenic forest. The gorilla’s last leap had brought him to her feet, and there he knelt, holding her hand, until he had finished the haunting-lyric that was set in the absurd comedy like a diamond in a piece of putty.
During one part of the song, the wood nymph did the strange movements planned for the scene. In the middle of the second verse, she stopped, with an unusual expression on her face, appearing to gaze dreamily into the depths of the scenic forest. The gorilla’s last jump had taken him to her feet, and there he knelt, holding her hand, until he finished the haunting lyrics that stood out in the absurd comedy like a diamond in a piece of putty.
When Delmars ceased Miss Carroll started, and covered a sudden flow of tears with both hands.
When Delmars stopped, Miss Carroll started and covered a sudden flow of tears with both hands.
“There!” cried the playwright, gesticulating with violence; “there you have it, sergeant. For two weeks she has spoiled that scene in just that manner at every performance. I have begged her to consider that it is not Ophelia or Juliet that she is playing. Do you wonder now at our impatience? Tears for the gorilla song! The play is lost!”
“There!” shouted the playwright, waving his arms frantically; “there you see it, sergeant. For two weeks, she has ruined that scene like this at every show. I’ve pleaded with her to realize that she’s not playing Ophelia or Juliet. Do you still wonder why we’re so frustrated? Tears for the gorilla song! The play is ruined!”
Out of her bewitchment, whatever it was, the wood nymph flared suddenly, and pointed a desperate finger at Delmars.
Out of her enchantment, whatever it was, the wood nymph abruptly flared up and pointed a frantic finger at Delmars.
“It is you—you who have done this,” she cried wildly. “You never sang that song that way until lately. It is your doing.”
“It’s you—you did this,” she shouted desperately. “You never sang that song like that until recently. It's your fault.”
“I give it up,” said the sergeant.
“I give up,” said the sergeant.
And then the gray-haired matron of the police station came forward from behind the sergeant’s chair.
And then the gray-haired woman in charge of the police station stepped forward from behind the sergeant's chair.
“Must an old woman teach you all?” she said. She went up to Miss Carroll and took her hand.
“Does an old woman have to teach you everything?” she said. She walked over to Miss Carroll and took her hand.
“The man’s wearing his heart out for you, my dear. Couldn’t you tell it the first note you heard him sing? All of his monkey flip-flops wouldn’t have kept it from me. Must you be deaf as well as blind? That’s why you couldn’t act your part, child. Do you love him or must he be a gorilla for the rest of his days?”
“The guy is pouring his heart out for you, my dear. Can’t you tell from the first note you heard him sing? None of his silly antics could hide it from me. Are you really that oblivious? That’s why you can’t play your role, kid. Do you love him, or is he going to be stuck as a gorilla for the rest of his life?”
Miss Carroll whirled around and caught Delmars with a lightning glance of her eye. He came toward her, melancholy.
Miss Carroll turned around and shot Delmars a quick glance. He approached her, looking sad.
“Did you hear, Mr. Delmars?” she asked, with a catching breath.
“Did you hear, Mr. Delmars?” she asked, catching her breath.
“I did,” said the comedian. “It is true. I didn’t think there was any use. I tried to let you know with the song.”
“I did,” said the comedian. “It’s true. I didn’t think it would make a difference. I tried to get the message across with the song.”
“Silly!” said the matron; “why didn’t you speak?”
“Silly!” said the matron; “why didn’t you just say something?”
“No, no,” cried the wood nymph, “his way was the best. I didn’t know, but—it was just what I wanted, Bobby.”
“No, no,” exclaimed the wood nymph, “his way was the best. I didn’t realize it, but—it was exactly what I wanted, Bobby.”
She sprang like a green grasshopper; and the comedian opened his arms, and—smiled.
She jumped like a green grasshopper, and the comedian opened his arms and smiled.
“Get out of this,” roared the desk sergeant to the waiting waiter from the restaurant. “There’s nothing doing here for you.”
“Get out of here,” shouted the desk sergeant at the waiter from the restaurant. “There’s nothing for you to do here.”
XVII
ONE DOLLAR’S WORTH
The judge of the United States court of the district lying along the Rio Grande border found the following letter one morning in his mail:
The judge of the United States District Court along the Rio Grande border found the following letter one morning in his mailbox:
JUDGE:
When you sent me up for four years you made a talk. Among other hard things,
you called me a rattlesnake. Maybe I am one—anyhow, you hear me rattling
now. One year after I got to the pen, my daughter died of—well, they said
it was poverty and the disgrace together. You’ve got a daughter, Judge,
and I’m going to make you know how it feels to lose one. And I’m
going to bite that district attorney that spoke against me. I’m free now,
and I guess I’ve turned to rattlesnake all right. I feel like one. I
don’t say much, but this is my rattle. Look out when I strike.
JUDGE:
When you sentenced me to four years, you gave a speech. Among other harsh things, you called me a rattlesnake. Maybe I am one—anyway, you can hear me rattling now. One year after I got to prison, my daughter died from—well, they said it was a combination of poverty and the shame. You have a daughter, Judge, and I’m going to make you understand how it feels to lose one. And I’m going to go after that district attorney who spoke against me. I’m free now, and I guess I’ve really turned into a rattlesnake. I feel like one. I don’t say much, but this is my rattle. Watch out when I strike.
Yours respectfully,
RATTLESNAKE.
Yours respectfully,
RATTLESNAKE.
Judge Derwent threw the letter carelessly aside. It was nothing new to receive such epistles from desperate men whom he had been called upon to judge. He felt no alarm. Later on he showed the letter to Littlefield, the young district attorney, for Littlefield’s name was included in the threat, and the judge was punctilious in matters between himself and his fellow men.
Judge Derwent tossed the letter aside without a second thought. It was nothing new to get such messages from desperate men he had to judge. He wasn’t worried. Later, he showed the letter to Littlefield, the young district attorney, since Littlefield’s name was mentioned in the threat, and the judge was meticulous about how he handled matters with others.
Littlefield honoured the rattle of the writer, as far as it concerned himself, with a smile of contempt; but he frowned a little over the reference to the Judge’s daughter, for he and Nancy Derwent were to be married in the fall.
Littlefield acknowledged the writer's chatter with a smirk of disdain; however, he frowned slightly at the mention of the Judge’s daughter, as he and Nancy Derwent were set to get married in the fall.
Littlefield went to the clerk of the court and looked over the records with him. They decided that the letter might have been sent by Mexico Sam, a half-breed border desperado who had been imprisoned for manslaughter four years before. Then official duties crowded the matter from his mind, and the rattle of the revengeful serpent was forgotten.
Littlefield went to the court clerk and reviewed the records with him. They concluded that the letter could have been sent by Mexico Sam, a half-breed outlaw from the border who had been locked up for manslaughter four years earlier. After that, official duties pushed the issue out of his mind, and the sound of the vengeful serpent was ignored.
Court was in session at Brownsville. Most of the cases to be tried were charges of smuggling, counterfeiting, post-office robberies, and violations of Federal laws along the border. One case was that of a young Mexican, Rafael Ortiz, who had been rounded up by a clever deputy marshal in the act of passing a counterfeit silver dollar. He had been suspected of many such deviations from rectitude, but this was the first time that anything provable had been fixed upon him. Ortiz languished cozily in jail, smoking brown cigarettes and waiting for trial. Kilpatrick, the deputy, brought the counterfeit dollar and handed it to the district attorney in his office in the court-house. The deputy and a reputable druggist were prepared to swear that Ortiz paid for a bottle of medicine with it. The coin was a poor counterfeit, soft, dull-looking, and made principally of lead. It was the day before the morning on which the docket would reach the case of Ortiz, and the district attorney was preparing himself for trial.
Court was in session in Brownsville. Most of the cases being tried involved smuggling, counterfeiting, post-office robberies, and violations of federal laws along the border. One case was that of a young Mexican, Rafael Ortiz, who had been caught by a clever deputy marshal while trying to use a counterfeit silver dollar. He had been suspected of many similar offenses, but this was the first time anything provable had been pinned on him. Ortiz was comfortably stuck in jail, smoking brown cigarettes and waiting for his trial. Kilpatrick, the deputy marshal, brought the counterfeit dollar and handed it to the district attorney in his office at the courthouse. The deputy and a reliable druggist were ready to testify that Ortiz had used it to pay for a bottle of medicine. The coin was a poor imitation, soft, dull-looking, and mostly made of lead. It was the day before the morning the docket would reach Ortiz's case, and the district attorney was getting ready for trial.
“Not much need of having in high-priced experts to prove the coin’s queer, is there, Kil?” smiled Littlefield, as he thumped the dollar down upon the table, where it fell with no more ring than would have come from a lump of putty.
“Not much need for expensive experts to prove the coin’s fake, is there, Kil?” smiled Littlefield, as he slapped the dollar down on the table, where it landed with no more sound than a lump of putty.
“I guess the Greaser’s as good as behind the bars,” said the deputy, easing up his holsters. “You’ve got him dead. If it had been just one time, these Mexicans can’t tell good money from bad; but this little yaller rascal belongs to a gang of counterfeiters, I know. This is the first time I’ve been able to catch him doing the trick. He’s got a girl down there in them Mexican jacals on the river bank. I seen her one day when I was watching him. She’s as pretty as a red heifer in a flower bed.”
“I guess the Greaser is as good as behind bars,” said the deputy, adjusting his holsters. “You've got him dead to rights. If it had only happened once, these Mexicans can't tell good money from bad; but this little yellow rascal is part of a gang of counterfeiters, I know it. This is the first time I've been able to catch him in the act. He's got a girl down in those Mexican shanties by the riverbank. I saw her one day when I was watching him. She's as pretty as a red heifer in a flower bed.”
Littlefield shoved the counterfeit dollar into his pocket, and slipped his memoranda of the case into an envelope. Just then a bright, winsome face, as frank and jolly as a boy’s, appeared in the doorway, and in walked Nancy Derwent.
Littlefield shoved the fake dollar into his pocket and slipped his case notes into an envelope. Just then, a bright, cheerful face, as open and happy as a boy's, appeared in the doorway, and in walked Nancy Derwent.
“Oh, Bob, didn’t court adjourn at twelve to-day until to-morrow?” she asked of Littlefield.
“Oh, Bob, didn’t court adjourn at twelve today until tomorrow?” she asked Littlefield.
“It did,” said the district attorney, “and I’m very glad of it. I’ve got a lot of rulings to look up, and—”
“It did,” said the district attorney, “and I’m really glad about that. I have a lot of rulings to look up, and—”
“Now, that’s just like you. I wonder you and father don’t turn to law books or rulings or something! I want you to take me out plover-shooting this afternoon. Long Prairie is just alive with them. Don’t say no, please! I want to try my new twelve-bore hammerless. I’ve sent to the livery stable to engage Fly and Bess for the buckboard; they stand fire so nicely. I was sure you would go.”
“That's so typical of you. I wonder why you and Dad don't just dive into law books or legal rulings or something! I want you to take me out plover-shooting this afternoon. Long Prairie is filled with them. Please don’t say no! I want to try out my new twelve-bore hammerless. I’ve contacted the livery stable to reserve Fly and Bess for the buckboard; they handle the excitement so well. I was sure you would be up for it.”
They were to be married in the fall. The glamour was at its height. The plovers won the day—or, rather, the afternoon—over the calf-bound authorities. Littlefield began to put his papers away.
They were set to get married in the fall. The excitement was at its peak. The plovers triumphed—or rather, they did in the afternoon—over the restricted authorities. Littlefield started to gather his papers.
There was a knock at the door. Kilpatrick answered it. A beautiful, dark-eyed girl with a skin tinged with the faintest lemon colour walked into the room. A black shawl was thrown over her head and wound once around her neck.
There was a knock at the door. Kilpatrick answered it. A beautiful girl with dark eyes and skin that had the slightest hint of lemon walked into the room. A black shawl was draped over her head and wrapped once around her neck.
She began to talk in Spanish, a voluble, mournful stream of melancholy music. Littlefield did not understand Spanish. The deputy did, and he translated her talk by portions, at intervals holding up his hand to check the flow of her words.
She started speaking in Spanish, a flowing, sad stream of melancholic sounds. Littlefield didn’t understand Spanish. The deputy did, and he translated her words in chunks, occasionally raising his hand to pause the flow of her speech.
“She came to see you, Mr. Littlefield. Her name’s Joya Treviñas. She wants to see you about—well, she’s mixed up with that Rafael Ortiz. She’s his—she’s his girl. She says he’s innocent. She says she made the money and got him to pass it. Don’t you believe her, Mr. Littlefield. That’s the way with these Mexican girls; they’ll lie, steal, or kill for a fellow when they get stuck on him. Never trust a woman that’s in love!”
“She came to see you, Mr. Littlefield. Her name’s Joya Treviñas. She wants to talk to you about—well, she’s involved with that Rafael Ortiz. She’s his—she’s his girlfriend. She claims he’s innocent. She says she made the money and got him to pass it. Don’t believe her, Mr. Littlefield. That’s how it is with these Mexican girls; they’ll lie, steal, or do whatever for a guy when they’re in love. Never trust a woman who’s in love!”
“Mr. Kilpatrick!”
“Mr. Kilpatrick!”
Nancy Derwent’s indignant exclamation caused the deputy to flounder for a moment in attempting to explain that he had misquoted his own sentiments, and then he went on with the translation:
Nancy Derwent's angry outburst made the deputy stumble for a moment as he tried to clarify that he had misquoted his own feelings, and then he continued with the translation:
“She says she’s willing to take his place in the jail if you’ll let him out. She says she was down sick with the fever, and the doctor said she’d die if she didn’t have medicine. That’s why he passed the lead dollar on the drug store. She says it saved her life. This Rafael seems to be her honey, all right; there’s a lot of stuff in her talk about love and such things that you don’t want to hear.”
“She says she’s ready to take his spot in jail if you let him go. She claims she was really sick with fever, and the doctor told her she’d die without medicine. That’s why he gave the lead dollar at the drug store. She says it saved her life. This Rafael seems to be her guy for sure; there’s a lot of things in her talk about love and that kind of stuff that you probably don’t want to hear.”
It was an old story to the district attorney.
It was an old story to the district attorney.
“Tell her,” said he, “that I can do nothing. The case comes up in the morning, and he will have to make his fight before the court.”
“Tell her,” he said, “that I can’t do anything. The case is tomorrow morning, and he’ll have to defend himself in court.”
Nancy Derwent was not so hardened. She was looking with sympathetic interest at Joya Treviñas and at Littlefield alternately. The deputy repeated the district attorney’s words to the girl. She spoke a sentence or two in a low voice, pulled her shawl closely about her face, and left the room.
Nancy Derwent was not as tough. She was looking with sympathetic interest at Joya Treviñas and then at Littlefield. The deputy repeated the district attorney’s words to the girl. She said a sentence or two in a soft voice, wrapped her shawl tightly around her face, and left the room.
“What did she say then?” asked the district attorney.
“What did she say then?” the district attorney asked.
“Nothing special,” said the deputy. “She said: ‘If the life of the one’—let’s see how it went—‘Si la vida de ella á quien tu amas—if the life of the girl you love is ever in danger, remember Rafael Ortiz.’”
“Nothing special,” said the deputy. “She said: ‘If the life of the one’—let’s see how it went—‘Si la vida de ella á quien tu amas—if the life of the girl you love is ever in danger, remember Rafael Ortiz.’”
Kilpatrick strolled out through the corridor in the direction of the marshal’s office.
Kilpatrick walked down the hallway toward the marshal’s office.
“Can’t you do anything for them, Bob?” asked Nancy. “It’s such a little thing—just one counterfeit dollar—to ruin the happiness of two lives! She was in danger of death, and he did it to save her. Doesn’t the law know the feeling of pity?”
“Can’t you do anything for them, Bob?” Nancy asked. “It’s such a small thing—just one fake dollar—to ruin the happiness of two lives! She was in danger of dying, and he did it to save her. Doesn’t the law understand compassion?”
“It hasn’t a place in jurisprudence, Nan,” said Littlefield, “especially in re the district attorney’s duty. I’ll promise you that the prosecution will not be vindictive; but the man is as good as convicted when the case is called. Witnesses will swear to his passing the bad dollar which I have in my pocket at this moment as ‘Exhibit A.’ There are no Mexicans on the jury, and it will vote Mr. Greaser guilty without leaving the box.”
“It doesn’t have a place in law, Nan,” said Littlefield, “especially regarding the district attorney’s responsibility. I promise you that the prosecution won’t be vengeful; but the guy is basically already convicted when the case is brought up. Witnesses will testify that he passed the counterfeit dollar I have in my pocket right now as ‘Exhibit A.’ There aren’t any Mexicans on the jury, and they’ll declare Mr. Greaser guilty without even leaving the room.”
The plover-shooting was fine that afternoon, and in the excitement of the sport the case of Rafael and the grief of Joya Treviñas was forgotten. The district attorney and Nancy Derwent drove out from the town three miles along a smooth, grassy road, and then struck across a rolling prairie toward a heavy line of timber on Piedra Creek. Beyond this creek lay Long Prairie, the favourite haunt of the plover. As they were nearing the creek they heard the galloping of a horse to their right, and saw a man with black hair and a swarthy face riding toward the woods at a tangent, as if he had come up behind them.
The plover shooting that afternoon was great, and in the thrill of the sport, they forgot all about Rafael's situation and Joya Treviñas’ sorrow. The district attorney and Nancy Derwent drove out from town three miles along a smooth, grassy road, then crossed a rolling prairie toward a dense line of trees along Piedra Creek. Beyond that creek lay Long Prairie, the favorite spot for plover. As they approached the creek, they heard a horse galloping to their right and saw a man with black hair and a tanned face riding toward the woods at an angle, as if he had come up behind them.
“I’ve seen that fellow somewhere,” said Littlefield, who had a memory for faces, “but I can’t exactly place him. Some ranchman, I suppose, taking a short cut home.”
“I’ve seen that guy somewhere,” said Littlefield, who had a knack for remembering faces, “but I can’t quite pin it down. Some rancher, I guess, taking a shortcut home.”
They spent an hour on Long Prairie, shooting from the buckboard. Nancy Derwent, an active, outdoor Western girl, was pleased with her twelve-bore. She had bagged within two brace of her companion’s score.
They spent an hour on Long Prairie, shooting from the wagon. Nancy Derwent, an energetic, outdoor girl from the West, was happy with her twelve-gauge shotgun. She had scored two more than her companion.
They started homeward at a gentle trot. When within a hundred yards of Piedra Creek a man rode out of the timber directly toward them.
They headed home at a easy trot. When they were about a hundred yards from Piedra Creek, a man rode out of the woods straight towards them.
“It looks like the man we saw coming over,” remarked Miss Derwent.
“It looks like the guy we saw coming over,” Miss Derwent said.
As the distance between them lessened, the district attorney suddenly pulled up his team sharply, with his eyes fixed upon the advancing horseman. That individual had drawn a Winchester from its scabbard on his saddle and thrown it over his arm.
As the gap between them closed, the district attorney abruptly halted his team, his gaze locked on the approaching horseman. That person had pulled a Winchester from its sheath on the saddle and slung it over his arm.
“Now I know you, Mexico Sam!” muttered Littlefield to himself. “It was you who shook your rattles in that gentle epistle.”
“Now I know you, Mexico Sam!” muttered Littlefield to himself. “It was you who rattled your chains in that gentle letter.”
Mexico Sam did not leave things long in doubt. He had a nice eye in all matters relating to firearms, so when he was within good rifle range, but outside of danger from No. 8 shot, he threw up his Winchester and opened fire upon the occupants of the buckboard.
Mexico Sam didn't keep anyone guessing for long. He had a sharp eye when it came to firearms, so when he was within good rifle range but out of reach of No. 8 shot, he raised his Winchester and started firing at the people in the buckboard.
The first shot cracked the back of the seat within the two-inch space between the shoulders of Littlefield and Miss Derwent. The next went through the dashboard and Littlefield’s trouser leg.
The first shot hit the back of the seat in the two-inch gap between Littlefield and Miss Derwent's shoulders. The next one went through the dashboard and Littlefield's pant leg.
The district attorney hustled Nancy out of the buck-board to the ground. She was a little pale, but asked no questions. She had the frontier instinct that accepts conditions in an emergency without superfluous argument. They kept their guns in hand, and Littlefield hastily gathered some handfuls of cartridges from the pasteboard box on the seat and crowded them into his pockets.
The district attorney rushed Nancy out of the buck-board and onto the ground. She looked a bit pale but didn’t ask any questions. She had that frontier instinct of accepting situations during emergencies without unnecessary debate. They held their guns ready, and Littlefield quickly scooped up some cartridges from the cardboard box on the seat and stuffed them into his pockets.
“Keep behind the horses, Nan,” he commanded. “That fellow is a ruffian I sent to prison once. He’s trying to get even. He knows our shot won’t hurt him at that distance.”
“Stay back from the horses, Nan,” he ordered. “That guy is a thug I once sent to prison. He’s looking for revenge. He knows our shots won’t hit him from that far away.”
“All right, Bob,” said Nancy steadily. “I’m not afraid. But you come close, too. Whoa, Bess; stand still, now!”
“All right, Bob,” Nancy said calmly. “I’m not scared. But you get close, too. Whoa, Bess; stay still now!”
She stroked Bess’s mane. Littlefield stood with his gun ready, praying that the desperado would come within range.
She ran her fingers through Bess’s mane. Littlefield stood with his gun poised, hoping that the outlaw would come into view.
But Mexico Sam was playing his vendetta along safe lines. He was a bird of different feather from the plover. His accurate eye drew an imaginary line of circumference around the area of danger from bird-shot, and upon this line he rode. His horse wheeled to the right, and as his victims rounded to the safe side of their equine breast-work he sent a ball through the district attorney’s hat. Once he miscalculated in making a détour, and over-stepped his margin. Littlefield’s gun flashed, and Mexico Sam ducked his head to the harmless patter of the shot. A few of them stung his horse, which pranced promptly back to the safety line.
But Mexico Sam was playing his vendetta smartly. He was nothing like the plover. His sharp eye marked an imaginary boundary around the danger zone from birdshot, and he rode along that line. His horse turned to the right, and as his targets moved to the safe side of their equine barrier, he fired a shot that knocked the district attorney’s hat off. Once he miscalculated while taking a detour and crossed his limit. Littlefield’s gun fired, and Mexico Sam ducked his head as the shots harmlessly hit around him. A few of them grazed his horse, which quickly danced back to safety.
The desperado fired again. A little cry came from Nancy Derwent. Littlefield whirled, with blazing eyes, and saw the blood trickling down her cheek.
The outlaw fired again. A small cry escaped from Nancy Derwent. Littlefield spun around, his eyes blazing, and saw blood running down her cheek.
“I’m not hurt, Bob—only a splinter struck me. I think he hit one of the wheel-spokes.”
“I’m not hurt, Bob—just a splinter hit me. I think he hit one of the wheel spokes.”
“Lord!” groaned Littlefield. “If I only had a charge of buckshot!”
“God!” groaned Littlefield. “If only I had a load of buckshot!”
The ruffian got his horse still, and took careful aim. Fly gave a snort and fell in the harness, struck in the neck. Bess, now disabused of the idea that plover were being fired at, broke her traces and galloped wildly away. Mexican Sam sent a ball neatly through the fulness of Nancy Derwent’s shooting jacket.
The thug got his horse ready and took careful aim. Fly snorted and collapsed in the harness, hit in the neck. Bess, realizing that they weren't shooting at plovers, broke free from her traces and took off running. Mexican Sam fired a shot that went cleanly through the fullness of Nancy Derwent’s shooting jacket.
“Lie down—lie down!” snapped Littlefield. “Close to the horse—flat on the ground—so.” He almost threw her upon the grass against the back of the recumbent Fly. Oddly enough, at that moment the words of the Mexican girl returned to his mind:
“Lie down—lie down!” snapped Littlefield. “Get close to the horse—flat on the ground—like this.” He nearly tossed her onto the grass against the back of the lying-down Fly. Strangely, at that moment, the words of the Mexican girl came back to him:
“If the life of the girl you love is ever in danger, remember Rafael Ortiz.”
“If the life of the girl you love is ever in danger, remember Rafael Ortiz.”
Littlefield uttered an exclamation.
Littlefield exclaimed.
“Open fire on him, Nan, across the horse’s back. Fire as fast as you can! You can’t hurt him, but keep him dodging shot for one minute while I try to work a little scheme.”
“Shoot at him, Nan, over the horse’s back. Shoot as quickly as you can! You won’t hurt him, but keep him moving to avoid the shots for just one minute while I try to come up with a plan.”
Nancy gave a quick glance at Littlefield, and saw him take out his pocket-knife and open it. Then she turned her face to obey orders, keeping up a rapid fire at the enemy.
Nancy shot a quick look at Littlefield and saw him pull out his pocketknife and open it. Then she turned her face to follow orders, keeping up a rapid fire at the enemy.
Mexico Sam waited patiently until this innocuous fusillade ceased. He had plenty of time, and he did not care to risk the chance of a bird-shot in his eye when it could be avoided by a little caution. He pulled his heavy Stetson low down over his face until the shots ceased. Then he drew a little nearer, and fired with careful aim at what he could see of his victims above the fallen horse.
Mexico Sam waited patiently until the harmless shots stopped. He had plenty of time, and he didn’t want to take the risk of getting a birdshot in his eye when a little caution could prevent it. He pulled his heavy Stetson low over his face until the shooting stopped. Then he moved a bit closer and carefully aimed at what he could see of his targets above the fallen horse.
Neither of them moved. He urged his horse a few steps nearer. He saw the district attorney rise to one knee and deliberately level his shotgun. He pulled his hat down and awaited the harmless rattle of the tiny pellets.
Neither of them budged. He nudged his horse a few steps closer. He noticed the district attorney kneel and carefully aim his shotgun. He pulled his hat down and braced for the harmless rattle of the small pellets.
The shotgun blazed with a heavy report. Mexico Sam sighed, turned limp all over, and slowly fell from his horse—a dead rattlesnake.
The shotgun fired with a loud bang. Mexico Sam sighed, went completely limp, and slowly fell off his horse—a dead rattlesnake.
At ten o’clock the next morning court opened, and the case of the United States versus Rafael Ortiz was called. The district attorney, with his arm in a sling, rose and addressed the court.
At 10 a.m. the next morning, the court session began, and the case of the United States versus Rafael Ortiz was called. The district attorney, with his arm in a sling, stood up and spoke to the court.
“May it please your honour,” he said, “I desire to enter a nolle pros. in this case. Even though the defendant should be guilty, there is not sufficient evidence in the hands of the government to secure a conviction. The piece of counterfeit coin upon the identity of which the case was built is not now available as evidence. I ask, therefore, that the case be stricken off.”
“May it please your honor,” he said, “I would like to enter a nolle pros. in this case. Even if the defendant is guilty, there isn’t enough evidence from the government to secure a conviction. The piece of counterfeit coin, which this case was based on, is no longer available as evidence. I thus request that the case be dismissed.”
At the noon recess Kilpatrick strolled into the district attorney’s office.
At lunchtime, Kilpatrick walked into the district attorney’s office.
“I’ve just been down to take a squint at old Mexico Sam,” said the deputy. “They’ve got him laid out. Old Mexico was a tough outfit, I reckon. The boys was wonderin’ down there what you shot him with. Some said it must have been nails. I never see a gun carry anything to make holes like he had.”
“I just went down to take a look at old Mexico Sam,” said the deputy. “They’ve got him laid out. Old Mexico was a tough guy, I suppose. The guys down there were wondering what you shot him with. Some said it must have been nails. I’ve never seen a gun leave holes like that.”
“I shot him,” said the district attorney, “with Exhibit A of your counterfeiting case. Lucky thing for me—and somebody else—that it was as bad money as it was! It sliced up into slugs very nicely. Say, Kil, can’t you go down to the jacals and find where that Mexican girl lives? Miss Derwent wants to know.”
“I shot him,” said the district attorney, “with Exhibit A from your counterfeiting case. Good thing for me—and someone else—that the money was so terrible! It cut into slugs really well. Hey, Kil, can’t you go down to the jacals and find out where that Mexican girl lives? Miss Derwent wants to know.”
XVIII
A NEWSPAPER STORY
At 8 A. M. it lay on Giuseppi’s news-stand, still damp from the presses. Giuseppi, with the cunning of his ilk, philandered on the opposite corner, leaving his patrons to help themselves, no doubt on a theory related to the hypothesis of the watched pot.
At 8 A.M., it was on Giuseppi’s newsstand, still wet from the presses. Giuseppi, clever as ever, hung out on the corner across the street, letting his customers serve themselves, likely based on some idea about a watched pot never boiling.
This particular newspaper was, according to its custom and design, an educator, a guide, a monitor, a champion and a household counsellor and vade mecum.
This newspaper was, by its nature and purpose, an educator, a guide, a watchdog, a supporter, and a practical resource for families.
From its many excellencies might be selected three editorials. One was in simple and chaste but illuminating language directed to parents and teachers, deprecating corporal punishment for children.
From its many strengths, three editorials stand out. One was written in clear and straightforward language aimed at parents and teachers, arguing against corporal punishment for children.
Another was an accusive and significant warning addressed to a notorious labour leader who was on the point of instigating his clients to a troublesome strike.
Another was a pointed and serious warning aimed at a well-known labor leader who was about to incite his followers to a disruptive strike.
The third was an eloquent demand that the police force be sustained and aided in everything that tended to increase its efficiency as public guardians and servants.
The third was a strong request that the police force be supported and assisted in all matters that would enhance its effectiveness as public protectors and service providers.
Besides these more important chidings and requisitions upon the store of good citizenship was a wise prescription or form of procedure laid out by the editor of the heart-to-heart column in the specific case of a young man who had complained of the obduracy of his lady love, teaching him how he might win her.
Besides these more significant reprimands and requests from responsible citizens, there was a sensible guide or method laid out by the editor of the heart-to-heart column for a young man who had mentioned the stubbornness of his girlfriend, showing him how he could win her over.
Again, there was, on the beauty page, a complete answer to a young lady inquirer who desired admonition toward the securing of bright eyes, rosy cheeks and a beautiful countenance.
Again, there was, on the beauty page, a full response to a young lady who was seeking advice on how to achieve bright eyes, rosy cheeks, and a lovely face.
One other item requiring special cognizance was a brief “personal,” running thus:
One more thing that needed special attention was a short “personal,” which read as follows:
DEAR JACK:—Forgive me. You were right. Meet me corner Madison and —th at 8.30 this morning. We leave at noon.
DEAR JACK:—I’m sorry. You were right. Meet me at the corner of Madison and —th at 8:30 this morning. We’re leaving at noon.
PENITENT.
PENITENT.
At 8 o’clock a young man with a haggard look and the feverish gleam of unrest in his eye dropped a penny and picked up the top paper as he passed Giuseppi’s stand. A sleepless night had left him a late riser. There was an office to be reached by nine, and a shave and a hasty cup of coffee to be crowded into the interval.
At 8 o’clock, a young man with a worn-out appearance and a restless look in his eye dropped a penny and grabbed the top newspaper as he walked by Giuseppi’s stand. A sleepless night had made him a late riser. He had to reach the office by nine, squeezing in a shave and a quick cup of coffee during that time.
He visited his barber shop and then hurried on his way. He pocketed his paper, meditating a belated perusal of it at the luncheon hour. At the next corner it fell from his pocket, carrying with it his pair of new gloves. Three blocks he walked, missed the gloves and turned back fuming.
He went to his barber shop and then rushed on his way. He put the newspaper in his pocket, planning to read it later during lunch. At the next corner, it slipped out of his pocket, taking his new gloves with it. He walked three blocks, realized he’d lost the gloves, and turned back, angry.
Just on the half-hour he reached the corner where lay the gloves and the paper. But he strangely ignored that which he had come to seek. He was holding two little hands as tightly as ever he could and looking into two penitent brown eyes, while joy rioted in his heart.
Just on the half-hour, he reached the corner where the gloves and the paper were. But he strangely overlooked what he had come to find. He was holding two little hands as tightly as he could and looking into two remorseful brown eyes, while joy surged in his heart.
“Dear Jack,” she said, “I knew you would be here on time.”
“Dear Jack,” she said, “I knew you would show up on time.”
“I wonder what she means by that,” he was saying to himself; “but it’s all right, it’s all right.”
“I wonder what she means by that,” he was thinking to himself; “but it’s fine, it’s fine.”
A big wind puffed out of the west, picked up the paper from the sidewalk, opened it out and sent it flying and whirling down a side street. Up that street was driving a skittish bay to a spider-wheel buggy, the young man who had written to the heart-to-heart editor for a recipe that he might win her for whom he sighed.
A strong gust of wind blew in from the west, grabbed the newspaper from the sidewalk, spread it out, and sent it swirling down a side street. Up that street, a nervous bay horse was pulling a spider-wheel buggy with a young man who had written to the heart-to-heart editor for a recipe that he hoped would win over the girl he pined for.
The wind, with a prankish flurry, flapped the flying newspaper against the face of the skittish bay. There was a lengthened streak of bay mingled with the red of running gear that stretched itself out for four blocks. Then a water-hydrant played its part in the cosmogony, the buggy became matchwood as foreordained, and the driver rested very quietly where he had been flung on the asphalt in front of a certain brownstone mansion.
The wind playfully whipped the flying newspaper against the anxious bay. A long stretch of bay mixed with the red of a running gear extended for four blocks. Then a fire hydrant contributed to the scene, the buggy turned to splinters as expected, and the driver lay still where he had been thrown onto the asphalt in front of a brownstone mansion.
They came out and had him inside very promptly. And there was one who made herself a pillow for his head, and cared for no curious eyes, bending over and saying, “Oh, it was you; it was you all the time, Bobby! Couldn’t you see it? And if you die, why, so must I, and—”
They came out and got him inside really quickly. One of them even made a pillow for his head and didn't care about any curious eyes, leaning over and saying, “Oh, it was you; it was you all along, Bobby! Couldn't you see it? And if you die, then I must too, and—”
But in all this wind we must hurry to keep in touch with our paper.
But in all this wind, we need to hurry to stay connected with our paper.
Policeman O’Brine arrested it as a character dangerous to traffic. Straightening its dishevelled leaves with his big, slow fingers, he stood a few feet from the family entrance of the Shandon Bells Café. One headline he spelled out ponderously: “The Papers to the Front in a Move to Help the Police.”
Policeman O’Brine arrested it as a character dangerous to traffic. Straightening its messy leaves with his big, slow fingers, he stood a few feet from the family entrance of the Shandon Bells Café. One headline he spelled out slowly: “The Papers to the Front in a Move to Help the Police.”
But, whisht! The voice of Danny, the head bartender, through the crack of the door: “Here’s a nip for ye, Mike, ould man.”
But, shh! The voice of Danny, the head bartender, came through the crack in the door: “Here’s a drink for you, Mike, old man.”
Behind the widespread, amicable columns of the press Policeman O’Brine receives swiftly his nip of the real stuff. He moves away, stalwart, refreshed, fortified, to his duties. Might not the editor man view with pride the early, the spiritual, the literal fruit that had blessed his labours.
Behind the friendly, widespread columns of the press, Officer O’Brine quickly gets his quick shot of the real deal. He moves on, strong, refreshed, and ready for his duties. Shouldn't the editor feel proud of the early, the spiritual, and the literal results that have come from his hard work?
Policeman O’Brine folded the paper and poked it playfully under the arm of a small boy that was passing. That boy was named Johnny, and he took the paper home with him. His sister was named Gladys, and she had written to the beauty editor of the paper asking for the practicable touchstone of beauty. That was weeks ago, and she had ceased to look for an answer. Gladys was a pale girl, with dull eyes and a discontented expression. She was dressing to go up to the avenue to get some braid. Beneath her skirt she pinned two leaves of the paper Johnny had brought. When she walked the rustling sound was an exact imitation of the real thing.
Policeman O’Brine folded the paper and playfully poked it under the arm of a small boy passing by. That boy was named Johnny, and he took the paper home with him. His sister was named Gladys, and she had written to the beauty editor of the paper asking for the practical definition of beauty. That was weeks ago, and she had stopped expecting a response. Gladys was a pale girl, with dull eyes and a discontented look on her face. She was getting ready to go up to the avenue to buy some braid. Under her skirt, she pinned two sheets of the paper Johnny had brought. As she walked, the rustling sound perfectly mimicked the real thing.
On the street she met the Brown girl from the flat below and stopped to talk. The Brown girl turned green. Only silk at $5 a yard could make the sound that she heard when Gladys moved. The Brown girl, consumed by jealousy, said something spiteful and went her way, with pinched lips.
On the street, she ran into the girl from the flat below and stopped to chat. The girl turned envious. Only silk at $5 a yard could produce the sound she heard when Gladys moved. Filled with jealousy, the girl said something mean and walked away, her lips tight.
Gladys proceeded toward the avenue. Her eyes now sparkled like jagerfonteins. A rosy bloom visited her cheeks; a triumphant, subtle, vivifying, smile transfigured her face. She was beautiful. Could the beauty editor have seen her then! There was something in her answer in the paper, I believe, about cultivating kind feelings toward others in order to make plain features attractive.
Gladys walked toward the avenue. Her eyes now sparkled like diamonds. A rosy glow appeared on her cheeks; a triumphant, subtle, refreshing smile transformed her face. She was gorgeous. If only the beauty editor could have seen her then! I think there was something in her response in the paper about cultivating kind feelings toward others to make plain features appealing.
The labour leader against whom the paper’s solemn and weighty editorial injunction was laid was the father of Gladys and Johnny. He picked up the remains of the journal from which Gladys had ravished a cosmetic of silken sounds. The editorial did not come under his eye, but instead it was greeted by one of those ingenious and specious puzzle problems that enthrall alike the simpleton and the sage.
The labor leader the paper's serious and heavy editorial was directed against was the father of Gladys and Johnny. He picked up the remnants of the magazine from which Gladys had taken a smooth-sounding cosmetic. The editorial didn't catch his attention, but instead, it was met with one of those clever and misleading puzzle problems that fascinate both the fool and the wise.
The labour leader tore off half of the page, provided himself with table, pencil and paper and glued himself to his puzzle.
The labor leader ripped off half of the page, got himself a table, pencil, and paper, and focused intently on his puzzle.
Three hours later, after waiting vainly for him at the appointed place, other more conservative leaders declared and ruled in favour of arbitration, and the strike with its attendant dangers was averted. Subsequent editions of the paper referred, in coloured inks, to the clarion tone of its successful denunciation of the labour leader’s intended designs.
Three hours later, after waiting in vain for him at the agreed spot, other more conservative leaders decided in favor of arbitration, and the strike with its risks was avoided. Later editions of the paper highlighted, in bright colors, its bold condemnation of the labor leader’s planned actions.
The remaining leaves of the active journal also went loyally to the proving of its potency.
The remaining pages of the active journal also faithfully demonstrated its effectiveness.
When Johnny returned from school he sought a secluded spot and removed the missing columns from the inside of his clothing, where they had been artfully distributed so as to successfully defend such areas as are generally attacked during scholastic castigations. Johnny attended a private school and had had trouble with his teacher. As has been said, there was an excellent editorial against corporal punishment in that morning’s issue, and no doubt it had its effect.
When Johnny got back from school, he looked for a quiet place and took out the hidden padding from inside his clothes, where he had cleverly placed them to protect himself from the usual areas targeted during school beatings. Johnny went to a private school and had issues with his teacher. As mentioned, there was a strong editorial against corporal punishment in that morning’s paper, and it surely had an impact.
After this can any one doubt the power of the press?
After this, can anyone doubt the power of the press?
XIX
TOMMY’S BURGLAR
At ten o’clock P. M. Felicia, the maid, left by the basement door with the policeman to get a raspberry phosphate around the corner. She detested the policeman and objected earnestly to the arrangement. She pointed out, not unreasonably, that she might have been allowed to fall asleep over one of St. George Rathbone’s novels on the third floor, but she was overruled. Raspberries and cops were not created for nothing.
At 10:00 PM, Felicia, the maid, went out the basement door with the policeman to grab a raspberry phosphate from around the corner. She really disliked the policeman and strongly protested the plan. She reasonably pointed out that she could have been allowed to fall asleep reading one of St. George Rathbone’s novels on the third floor, but her objections were ignored. Raspberries and cops weren’t just there for no reason.
The burglar got into the house without much difficulty; because we must have action and not too much description in a 2,000-word story.
The burglar broke into the house easily, because we need action and not too much description in a 2,000-word story.
In the dining room he opened the slide of his dark lantern. With a brace and centrebit he began to bore into the lock of the silver-closet.
In the dining room, he opened the slide of his dark lantern. With a brace and center bit, he started to drill into the lock of the silver cabinet.
Suddenly a click was heard. The room was flooded with electric light. The dark velvet portières parted to admit a fair-haired boy of eight in pink pajamas, bearing a bottle of olive oil in his hand.
Suddenly, a click was heard. The room was filled with bright electric light. The dark velvet curtains opened to let in a fair-haired boy of eight in pink pajamas, holding a bottle of olive oil in his hand.
“Are you a burglar?” he asked, in a sweet, childish voice.
“Are you a burglar?” he asked, in a sweet, childlike voice.
“Listen to that,” exclaimed the man, in a hoarse voice. “Am I a burglar? Wot do you suppose I have a three-days’ growth of bristly beard on my face for, and a cap with flaps? Give me the oil, quick, and let me grease the bit, so I won’t wake up your mamma, who is lying down with a headache, and left you in charge of Felicia who has been faithless to her trust.”
“Listen to that,” the man said in a hoarse voice. “Am I a burglar? What do you think I have a three-day stubble on my face for, and a cap with flaps? Give me the oil quickly so I can grease the bit, so I don’t wake up your mom, who's lying down with a headache, and left you in charge of Felicia, who has been untrustworthy.”
“Oh, dear,” said Tommy, with a sigh. “I thought you would be more up-to-date. This oil is for the salad when I bring lunch from the pantry for you. And mamma and papa have gone to the Metropolitan to hear De Reszke. But that isn’t my fault. It only shows how long the story has been knocking around among the editors. If the author had been wise he’d have changed it to Caruso in the proofs.”
“Oh, no,” Tommy said with a sigh. “I thought you’d be more in the loop. This oil is for the salad when I bring lunch from the pantry for you. And mom and dad have gone to the Met to hear De Reszke. But that’s not my fault. It just shows how long this story has been bouncing around among the editors. If the author had any sense, he’d have updated it to Caruso in the proofs.”
“Be quiet,” hissed the burglar, under his breath. “If you raise an alarm I’ll wring your neck like a rabbit’s.”
“Shut up,” the burglar whispered. “If you make a sound, I’ll snap your neck like a rabbit’s.”
“Like a chicken’s,” corrected Tommy. “You had that wrong. You don’t wring rabbits’ necks.”
“Like a chicken’s,” Tommy corrected. “You got that wrong. You don’t wring rabbits’ necks.”
“Aren’t you afraid of me?” asked the burglar.
“Aren’t you scared of me?” asked the burglar.
“You know I’m not,” answered Tommy. “Don’t you suppose I know fact from fiction. If this wasn’t a story I’d yell like an Indian when I saw you; and you’d probably tumble downstairs and get pinched on the sidewalk.”
“You know I’m not,” Tommy replied. “Don’t you think I can tell fact from fiction? If this wasn’t a story, I’d shout like a Native American when I saw you; and you’d probably fall down the stairs and get caught on the sidewalk.”
“I see,” said the burglar, “that you’re on to your job. Go on with the performance.”
“I see,” said the burglar, “that you know what you’re doing. Keep going with your act.”
Tommy seated himself in an armchair and drew his toes up under him.
Tommy sat down in an armchair and tucked his toes underneath him.
“Why do you go around robbing strangers, Mr. Burglar? Have you no friends?”
“Why do you go around stealing from strangers, Mr. Burglar? Don’t you have any friends?”
“I see what you’re driving at,” said the burglar, with a dark frown. “It’s the same old story. Your innocence and childish insouciance is going to lead me back into an honest life. Every time I crack a crib where there’s a kid around, it happens.”
“I get what you’re saying,” said the burglar, with a dark frown. “It’s the same old story. Your innocence and carefree attitude are going to pull me back into an honest life. Every time I break into a place where there’s a kid around, it happens.”
“Would you mind gazing with wolfish eyes at the plate of cold beef that the butler has left on the dining table?” said Tommy. “I’m afraid it’s growing late.”
“Could you take a look with hungry eyes at the plate of cold beef that the butler left on the dining table?” said Tommy. “I’m worried it’s getting late.”
The burglar accommodated.
The burglar complied.
“Poor man,” said Tommy. “You must be hungry. If you will please stand in a listless attitude I will get you something to eat.”
“Poor guy,” said Tommy. “You must be starving. If you could just stand there looking a bit dazed, I’ll get you something to eat.”
The boy brought a roast chicken, a jar of marmalade and a bottle of wine from the pantry. The burglar seized a knife and fork sullenly.
The boy grabbed a roast chicken, a jar of marmalade, and a bottle of wine from the pantry. The burglar took a knife and fork with a frown.
“It’s only been an hour,” he grumbled, “since I had a lobster and a pint of musty ale up on Broadway. I wish these story writers would let a fellow have a pepsin tablet, anyhow, between feeds.”
“It’s only been an hour,” he complained, “since I had a lobster and a pint of stale beer on Broadway. I wish these writers would let a guy have a pepsin tablet, at least, between meals.”
“My papa writes books,” remarked Tommy.
“My dad writes books,” Tommy said.
The burglar jumped to his feet quickly.
The burglar quickly jumped up to his feet.
“You said he had gone to the opera,” he hissed, hoarsely and with immediate suspicion.
“You said he went to the opera,” he whispered, hoarsely and with immediate suspicion.
“I ought to have explained,” said Tommy. “He didn’t buy the tickets.” The burglar sat again and toyed with the wishbone.
“I should have clarified,” said Tommy. “He didn’t buy the tickets.” The burglar sat down again and fiddled with the wishbone.
“Why do you burgle houses?” asked the boy, wonderingly.
“Why do you break into houses?” asked the boy, curiously.
“Because,” replied the burglar, with a sudden flow of tears. “God bless my little brown-haired boy Bessie at home.”
“Because,” replied the burglar, suddenly bursting into tears. “God bless my little brown-haired boy Bessie at home.”
“Ah,” said Tommy, wrinkling his nose, “you got that answer in the wrong place. You want to tell your hard-luck story before you pull out the child stop.”
“Ah,” said Tommy, scrunching his nose, “you got that answer in the wrong spot. You should share your sob story before you take out the child stop.”
“Oh, yes,” said the burglar, “I forgot. Well, once I lived in Milwaukee, and—”
“Oh, yeah,” said the burglar, “I forgot. Well, I used to live in Milwaukee, and—”
“Take the silver,” said Tommy, rising from his chair.
“Take the silver,” Tommy said as he got up from his chair.
“Hold on,” said the burglar. “But I moved away.” I could find no other employment. For a while I managed to support my wife and child by passing confederate money; but, alas! I was forced to give that up because it did not belong to the union. I became desperate and a burglar.”
“Wait,” said the burglar. “But I moved away.” I couldn’t find any other work. For a while, I managed to support my wife and child by using counterfeit money; but, unfortunately! I had to stop because it didn’t belong to the government. I became desperate and turned to burglary.”
“Have you ever fallen into the hands of the police?” asked Tommy.
“Have you ever been caught by the police?” asked Tommy.
“I said ‘burglar,’ not ‘beggar,’” answered the cracksman.
"I said 'burglar,' not 'beggar,'" the thief replied.
“After you finish your lunch,” said Tommy, “and experience the usual change of heart, how shall we wind up the story?”
“After you finish your lunch,” Tommy said, “and have your usual change of heart, how should we wrap up the story?”
“Suppose,” said the burglar, thoughtfully, “that Tony Pastor turns out earlier than usual to-night, and your father gets in from ‘Parsifal’ at 10.30. I am thoroughly repentant because you have made me think of my own little boy Bessie, and—”
“Imagine,” said the burglar, thoughtfully, “if Tony Pastor finishes up earlier than usual tonight, and your dad gets back from ‘Parsifal’ at 10:30. I really feel sorry because you’ve made me think of my own little boy Bessie, and—”
“Say,” said Tommy, “haven’t you got that wrong?”
“Hey,” Tommy said, “aren’t you getting that wrong?”
“Not on your coloured crayon drawings by B. Cory Kilvert,” said the burglar. “It’s always a Bessie that I have at home, artlessly prattling to the pale-cheeked burglar’s bride. As I was saying, your father opens the front door just as I am departing with admonitions and sandwiches that you have wrapped up for me. Upon recognizing me as an old Harvard classmate he starts back in—”
“Not on your colored crayon drawings by B. Cory Kilvert,” said the burglar. “It’s always a Bessie that I have at home, mindlessly chatting to the pale-cheeked burglar’s girlfriend. As I was saying, your dad opens the front door just as I’m leaving with your warnings and the sandwiches you packed for me. Upon seeing me as an old Harvard classmate, he recoils—”
“Not in surprise?” interrupted Tommy, with wide, open eyes.
“Not in surprise?” interrupted Tommy, his eyes wide open.
“He starts back in the doorway,” continued the burglar. And then he rose to his feet and began to shout “Rah, rah, rah! rah, rah, rah! rah, rah, rah!”
“He steps back in the doorway,” continued the burglar. Then he stood up and started to shout “Rah, rah, rah! rah, rah, rah! rah, rah, rah!”
“Well,” said Tommy, wonderingly, “that’s, the first time I ever knew a burglar to give a college yell when he was burglarizing a house, even in a story.”
“Well,” Tommy said, looking amazed, “that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a burglar give a college cheer while breaking into a house, even in a story.”
“That’s one on you,” said the burglar, with a laugh. “I was practising the dramatization. If this is put on the stage that college touch is about the only thing that will make it go.”
"That's on you," said the burglar with a laugh. "I was practicing the dramatization. If this is put on stage, that college vibe is pretty much the only thing that will make it work."
Tommy looked his admiration.
Tommy expressed his admiration.
“You’re on, all right,” he said.
“You’re on, for sure,” he said.
“And there’s another mistake you’ve made,” said the burglar. “You should have gone some time ago and brought me the $9 gold piece your mother gave you on your birthday to take to Bessie.”
“And there’s another mistake you’ve made,” said the burglar. “You should have gone a while ago and brought me the $9 gold piece your mom gave you on your birthday to take to Bessie.”
“But she didn’t give it to me to take to Bessie,” said Tommy, pouting.
“But she didn’t give it to me to take to Bessie,” said Tommy, sulking.
“Come, come!” said the burglar, sternly. “It’s not nice of you to take advantage because the story contains an ambiguous sentence. You know what I mean. It’s mighty little I get out of these fictional jobs, anyhow. I lose all the loot, and I have to reform every time; and all the swag I’m allowed is the blamed little fol-de-rols and luck-pieces that you kids hand over. Why, in one story, all I got was a kiss from a little girl who came in on me when I was opening a safe. And it tasted of molasses candy, too. I’ve a good notion to tie this table cover over your head and keep on into the silver-closet.”
“Come on!” the burglar said firmly. “It’s not cool for you to take advantage just because the story has a confusing line. You know what I’m getting at. I hardly make anything from these made-up stories anyway. I lose all the loot, and I have to change my ways every time; the only things I get are the ridiculous little trinkets and lucky charms that you kids give me. In one story, all I got was a kiss from a little girl who walked in on me while I was cracking a safe. And it tasted like molasses candy too. I’m seriously thinking about tying this tablecloth over your head and heading straight for the silver closet.”
“Oh, no, you haven’t,” said Tommy, wrapping his arms around his knees. “Because if you did no editor would buy the story. You know you’ve got to preserve the unities.”
“Oh, no, you haven’t,” said Tommy, hugging his knees. “Because if you did, no editor would buy the story. You know you have to keep the unities intact.”
“So’ve you,” said the burglar, rather glumly. “Instead of sitting here talking impudence and taking the bread out of a poor man’s mouth, what you’d like to be doing is hiding under the bed and screeching at the top of your voice.”
“Same to you,” said the burglar, sounding pretty down. “Instead of sitting here chatting nonsense and taking food out of a poor man’s mouth, you’d rather be hiding under the bed and screaming at the top of your lungs.”
“You’re right, old man,” said Tommy, heartily. “I wonder what they make us do it for? I think the S. P. C. C. ought to interfere. I’m sure it’s neither agreeable nor usual for a kid of my age to butt in when a full-grown burglar is at work and offer him a red sled and a pair of skates not to awaken his sick mother. And look how they make the burglars act! You’d think editors would know—but what’s the use?”
“You're right, old man,” Tommy said enthusiastically. “I wonder what they make us do it for? I think the S.P.C.C. should step in. I'm pretty sure it's neither normal nor appropriate for a kid my age to jump in when a full-grown burglar is working and offer him a red sled and a pair of skates so he won't wake his sick mother. And look at how they make the burglars act! You’d think the editors would know better—but what's the point?”
The burglar wiped his hands on the tablecloth and arose with a yawn.
The burglar wiped his hands on the tablecloth and got up with a yawn.
“Well, let’s get through with it,” he said. “God bless you, my little boy! you have saved a man from committing a crime this night. Bessie shall pray for you as soon as I get home and give her her orders. I shall never burglarize another house—at least not until the June magazines are out. It’ll be your little sister’s turn then to run in on me while I am abstracting the U. S. 4 per cent. from the tea urn and buy me off with her coral necklace and a falsetto kiss.”
“Well, let’s just get this over with,” he said. “God bless you, my little boy! You’ve saved a man from committing a crime tonight. Bessie will pray for you as soon as I get home and give her the instructions. I’ll never break into another house—at least not until the June magazines are out. Then it’ll be your little sister’s turn to catch me while I’m taking the U.S. 4 percent from the tea urn and buy me off with her coral necklace and a fake kiss.”
“You haven’t got all the kicks coming to you,” sighed Tommy, crawling out of his chair. “Think of the sleep I’m losing. But it’s tough on both of us, old man. I wish you could get out of the story and really rob somebody. Maybe you’ll have the chance if they dramatize us.”
“You're not getting all the enjoyment you deserve,” sighed Tommy, getting up from his chair. “Think about how much sleep I’m losing. But it’s hard on both of us, buddy. I wish you could step out of the story and actually mug someone. Maybe you'll get the chance if they make a drama about us.”
“Never!” said the burglar, gloomily. “Between the box office and my better impulses that your leading juveniles are supposed to awaken and the magazines that pay on publication, I guess I’ll always be broke.”
“Never!” said the burglar, gloomily. “Between the box office and my better impulses that your leading young stars are supposed to inspire and the magazines that pay upon publication, I guess I’ll always be broke.”
“I’m sorry,” said Tommy, sympathetically. “But I can’t help myself any more than you can. It’s one of the canons of household fiction that no burglar shall be successful. The burglar must be foiled by a kid like me, or by a young lady heroine, or at the last moment by his old pal, Red Mike, who recognizes the house as one in which he used to be the coachman. You have got the worst end of it in any kind of a story.”
“I’m sorry,” Tommy said, feeling for him. “But I can’t help it any more than you can. It's a rule in stories that no burglar ever wins. The burglar has to be stopped by a kid like me, or by a young female hero, or at the last minute by his old buddy, Red Mike, who remembers that he used to be the driver in that house. You definitely have the worst outcome in any story.”
“Well, I suppose I must be clearing out now,” said the burglar, taking up his lantern and bracebit.
“Well, I guess I should head out now,” said the burglar, picking up his lantern and drill.
“You have to take the rest of this chicken and the bottle of wine with you for Bessie and her mother,” said Tommy, calmly.
“You need to take the rest of this chicken and the bottle of wine with you for Bessie and her mom,” Tommy said calmly.
“But confound it,” exclaimed the burglar, in an annoyed tone, “they don’t want it. I’ve got five cases of Château de Beychsvelle at home that was bottled in 1853. That claret of yours is corked. And you couldn’t get either of them to look at a chicken unless it was stewed in champagne. You know, after I get out of the story I don’t have so many limitations. I make a turn now and then.”
“But damn it,” the burglar said, sounding annoyed, “they don’t want it. I’ve got five cases of Château de Beychsvelle at home that were bottled in 1853. That claret of yours is spoiled. And you couldn’t get either of them to look at a chicken unless it was cooked in champagne. You know, after I get out of this situation, I don’t have so many restrictions. I change things up now and then.”
“Yes, but you must take them,” said Tommy, loading his arms with the bundles.
“Yes, but you have to take them,” said Tommy, stacking the bundles in his arms.
“Bless you, young master!” recited the burglar, obedient. “Second-Story Saul will never forget you. And now hurry and let me out, kid. Our 2,000 words must be nearly up.”
“Bless you, young master!” said the burglar, obediently. “Second-Story Saul will never forget you. Now hurry and let me out, kid. Our 2,000 words must be almost up.”
Tommy led the way through the hall toward the front door. Suddenly the burglar stopped and called to him softly: “Ain’t there a cop out there in front somewhere sparking the girl?”
Tommy walked ahead through the hall toward the front door. Suddenly, the burglar stopped and called to him softly, "Isn't there a cop out there in front somewhere chatting with the girl?"
“Yes,” said Tommy, “but what—”
“Yes,” Tommy said, “but what—”
“I’m afraid he’ll catch me,” said the burglar. “You mustn’t forget that this is fiction.”
“I’m worried he’ll catch me,” said the burglar. “You shouldn’t forget that this is fiction.”
“Great head!” said Tommy, turning. “Come out by the back door.”
“Awesome head!” said Tommy, turning. “Come out through the back door.”
XX
A CHAPARRAL CHRISTMAS GIFT
The original cause of the trouble was about twenty years in growing.
The original cause of the trouble took about twenty years to develop.
At the end of that time it was worth it.
At the end of that period, it was worth it.
Had you lived anywhere within fifty miles of Sundown Ranch you would have heard of it. It possessed a quantity of jet-black hair, a pair of extremely frank, deep-brown eyes and a laugh that rippled across the prairie like the sound of a hidden brook. The name of it was Rosita McMullen; and she was the daughter of old man McMullen of the Sundown Sheep Ranch.
Had you lived anywhere within fifty miles of Sundown Ranch, you would have heard of it. It had a lot of jet-black hair, a pair of very honest, deep brown eyes, and a laugh that flowed across the prairie like the sound of a hidden stream. Her name was Rosita McMullen, and she was the daughter of old man McMullen from the Sundown Sheep Ranch.
There came riding on red roan steeds—or, to be more explicit, on a paint and a flea-bitten sorrel—two wooers. One was Madison Lane, and the other was the Frio Kid. But at that time they did not call him the Frio Kid, for he had not earned the honours of special nomenclature. His name was simply Johnny McRoy.
There rode in on red roan horses—or to be more specific, on a paint and a flea-bitten sorrel—two suitors. One was Madison Lane, and the other was the Frio Kid. But back then, they didn’t call him the Frio Kid because he hadn’t earned that nickname yet. His name was just Johnny McRoy.
It must not be supposed that these two were the sum of the agreeable Rosita’s admirers. The bronchos of a dozen others champed their bits at the long hitching rack of the Sundown Ranch. Many were the sheeps’-eyes that were cast in those savannas that did not belong to the flocks of Dan McMullen. But of all the cavaliers, Madison Lane and Johnny McRoy galloped far ahead, wherefore they are to be chronicled.
It shouldn't be assumed that these two were the only admirers of the charming Rosita. The horses of a dozen others were stomping at the long hitching post of the Sundown Ranch. Many longing looks were cast in those fields that didn't belong to Dan McMullen's herds. But among all the suitors, Madison Lane and Johnny McRoy stood out, and that's why their story is worth telling.
Madison Lane, a young cattleman from the Nueces country, won the race. He and Rosita were married one Christmas day. Armed, hilarious, vociferous, magnanimous, the cowmen and the sheepmen, laying aside their hereditary hatred, joined forces to celebrate the occasion.
Madison Lane, a young cattle rancher from the Nueces area, won the race. He and Rosita got married one Christmas day. Armed, funny, loud, and generous, the cowmen and the sheepmen, putting aside their long-standing rivalry, came together to celebrate the occasion.
Sundown Ranch was sonorous with the cracking of jokes and sixshooters, the shine of buckles and bright eyes, the outspoken congratulations of the herders of kine.
Sundown Ranch was filled with laughter and the sound of gunfire, the glint of belt buckles and bright eyes, and the enthusiastic cheers from the cattle herders.
But while the wedding feast was at its liveliest there descended upon it Johnny McRoy, bitten by jealousy, like one possessed.
But while the wedding party was at its liveliest, Johnny McRoy showed up, consumed by jealousy, like someone possessed.
“I’ll give you a Christmas present,” he yelled, shrilly, at the door, with his .45 in his hand. Even then he had some reputation as an offhand shot.
“I’ll give you a Christmas present,” he shouted, shrill, at the door, with his .45 in his hand. Even then he had a bit of a reputation as a casual shot.
His first bullet cut a neat underbit in Madison Lane’s right ear. The barrel of his gun moved an inch. The next shot would have been the bride’s had not Carson, a sheepman, possessed a mind with triggers somewhat well oiled and in repair. The guns of the wedding party had been hung, in their belts, upon nails in the wall when they sat at table, as a concession to good taste. But Carson, with great promptness, hurled his plate of roast venison and frijoles at McRoy, spoiling his aim. The second bullet, then, only shattered the white petals of a Spanish dagger flower suspended two feet above Rosita’s head.
His first shot grazed Madison Lane’s right ear. The gun barrel shifted slightly. The next bullet would have hit the bride if not for Carson, a sheep farmer, having a quick and sharp mind. The wedding party’s guns had been hung in their belts on the wall when they sat down to eat, as a nod to good taste. But Carson quickly threw his plate of roast venison and beans at McRoy, throwing off his aim. The second bullet only shattered the white petals of a Spanish dagger flower hanging two feet above Rosita’s head.
The guests spurned their chairs and jumped for their weapons. It was considered an improper act to shoot the bride and groom at a wedding. In about six seconds there were twenty or so bullets due to be whizzing in the direction of Mr. McRoy.
The guests pushed aside their chairs and reached for their weapons. It was seen as inappropriate to shoot the bride and groom at a wedding. In about six seconds, around twenty bullets were about to be whizzing toward Mr. McRoy.
“I’ll shoot better next time,” yelled Johnny; “and there’ll be a next time.” He backed rapidly out the door.
“I’ll shoot better next time,” yelled Johnny; “and there will be a next time.” He quickly backed out the door.
Carson, the sheepman, spurred on to attempt further exploits by the success of his plate-throwing, was first to reach the door. McRoy’s bullet from the darkness laid him low.
Carson, the sheepman, motivated to try more adventures by his success at throwing plates, was the first to reach the door. McRoy’s bullet from the shadows took him down.
The cattlemen then swept out upon him, calling for vengeance, for, while the slaughter of a sheepman has not always lacked condonement, it was a decided misdemeanour in this instance. Carson was innocent; he was no accomplice at the matrimonial proceedings; nor had any one heard him quote the line “Christmas comes but once a year” to the guests.
The cattlemen then rushed at him, demanding revenge, because while the killing of a sheepman hasn’t always been forgiven, it was clearly unacceptable this time. Carson was innocent; he wasn’t involved in the marriage situation; and no one had heard him mention the line “Christmas comes but once a year” to the guests.
But the sortie failed in its vengeance. McRoy was on his horse and away, shouting back curses and threats as he galloped into the concealing chaparral.
But the mission failed to get revenge. McRoy was on his horse and took off, shouting curses and threats as he raced into the thick brush.
That night was the birthnight of the Frio Kid. He became the “bad man” of that portion of the State. The rejection of his suit by Miss McMullen turned him to a dangerous man. When officers went after him for the shooting of Carson, he killed two of them, and entered upon the life of an outlaw. He became a marvellous shot with either hand. He would turn up in towns and settlements, raise a quarrel at the slightest opportunity, pick off his man and laugh at the officers of the law. He was so cool, so deadly, so rapid, so inhumanly blood-thirsty that none but faint attempts were ever made to capture him. When he was at last shot and killed by a little one-armed Mexican who was nearly dead himself from fright, the Frio Kid had the deaths of eighteen men on his head. About half of these were killed in fair duels depending upon the quickness of the draw. The other half were men whom he assassinated from absolute wantonness and cruelty.
That night marked the birth of the Frio Kid. He became the “bad guy” of that part of the State. When Miss McMullen turned him down, he transformed into a dangerous man. When law enforcement went after him for shooting Carson, he killed two officers and started living the life of an outlaw. He became an incredible shot with either hand. He would show up in towns and communities, start fights at the slightest chance, take out his target, and laugh at the cops. He was so calm, so deadly, so quick, and so unnaturally bloodthirsty that only the most half-hearted attempts were made to catch him. When he was finally shot and killed by a scared little one-armed Mexican who was nearly terrified to death himself, the Frio Kid had the blood of eighteen men on his hands. About half of these men were killed in fair duels that relied on quick draws. The other half were people he assassinated out of sheer wantonness and cruelty.
Many tales are told along the border of his impudent courage and daring. But he was not one of the breed of desperadoes who have seasons of generosity and even of softness. They say he never had mercy on the object of his anger. Yet at this and every Christmastide it is well to give each one credit, if it can be done, for whatever speck of good he may have possessed. If the Frio Kid ever did a kindly act or felt a throb of generosity in his heart it was once at such a time and season, and this is the way it happened.
Many stories are shared about his bold bravery and fearlessness. But he wasn’t like those reckless outlaws who occasionally show kindness or tenderness. People say he never showed mercy to anyone he was angry with. Still, during this and every Christmas season, it's fair to give everyone credit for any little bit of good they might have had. If the Frio Kid ever did something nice or felt a moment of generosity in his heart, it happened during one such time, and here’s how it went down.
One who has been crossed in love should never breathe the odour from the blossoms of the ratama tree. It stirs the memory to a dangerous degree.
One who has been heartbroken should never smell the flowers from the ratama tree. It brings back memories too vividly.
One December in the Frio country there was a ratama tree in full bloom, for the winter had been as warm as springtime. That way rode the Frio Kid and his satellite and co-murderer, Mexican Frank. The kid reined in his mustang, and sat in his saddle, thoughtful and grim, with dangerously narrowing eyes. The rich, sweet scent touched him somewhere beneath his ice and iron.
One December in the Frio country, a ratama tree was in full bloom because the winter had been as warm as spring. The Frio Kid rode along with his sidekick and co-murderer, Mexican Frank. The kid pulled back on the reins of his mustang and sat in his saddle, lost in thought and looking serious, with dangerously narrowing eyes. The rich, sweet scent reached him somehow beneath his cold, tough exterior.
“I don’t know what I’ve been thinking about, Mex,” he remarked in his usual mild drawl, “to have forgot all about a Christmas present I got to give. I’m going to ride over to-morrow night and shoot Madison Lane in his own house. He got my girl—Rosita would have had me if he hadn’t cut into the game. I wonder why I happened to overlook it up to now?”
“I don’t know what I was thinking, Mex,” he said in his usual laid-back tone, “that I forgot all about a Christmas present I need to give. I’m going to ride over tomorrow night and shoot Madison Lane in his own house. He took my girl—Rosita would have been mine if he hadn’t stepped in. I wonder why I didn’t think of it until now?”
“Ah, shucks, Kid,” said Mexican, “don’t talk foolishness. You know you can’t get within a mile of Mad Lane’s house to-morrow night. I see old man Allen day before yesterday, and he says Mad is going to have Christmas doings at his house. You remember how you shot up the festivities when Mad was married, and about the threats you made? Don’t you suppose Mad Lane’ll kind of keep his eye open for a certain Mr. Kid? You plumb make me tired, Kid, with such remarks.”
“Aw, come on, Kid,” said Mexican, “don’t be ridiculous. You know you can’t get anywhere near Mad Lane’s house tomorrow night. I ran into old man Allen the other day, and he said Mad is throwing a Christmas party at his place. Remember how you wrecked the celebration when Mad got married, and the threats you made? Don’t you think Mad Lane will be watching out for a certain Mr. Kid? You really wear me out, Kid, with comments like that.”
“I’m going,” repeated the Frio Kid, without heat, “to go to Madison Lane’s Christmas doings, and kill him. I ought to have done it a long time ago. Why, Mex, just two weeks ago I dreamed me and Rosita was married instead of her and him; and we was living in a house, and I could see her smiling at me, and—oh! h––––l, Mex, he got her; and I’ll get him—yes, sir, on Christmas Eve he got her, and then’s when I’ll get him.”
“I’m going,” the Frio Kid said flatly, “to Madison Lane’s Christmas party, and I’m going to kill him. I should have done it a long time ago. Just two weeks ago, I dreamed that Rosita and I were married instead of her and him; we were living in a house, and I could see her smiling at me, and—oh! hell, Mex, he has her; and I’ll get him—yes, sir, he took her on Christmas Eve, and that’s when I’ll get him.”
“There’s other ways of committing suicide,” advised Mexican. “Why don’t you go and surrender to the sheriff?”
“ There are other ways to end your life,” suggested Mexican. “Why not go and turn yourself in to the sheriff?”
“I’ll get him,” said the Kid.
“I’ll get him,” said the Kid.
Christmas Eve fell as balmy as April. Perhaps there was a hint of far-away frostiness in the air, but it tingles like seltzer, perfumed faintly with late prairie blossoms and the mesquite grass.
Christmas Eve was as warm as April. There might have been a hint of distant chill in the air, but it sparkled like seltzer, lightly scented with late prairie flowers and mesquite grass.
When night came the five or six rooms of the ranch-house were brightly lit. In one room was a Christmas tree, for the Lanes had a boy of three, and a dozen or more guests were expected from the nearer ranches.
When night fell, the five or six rooms of the ranch house were brightly lit. In one room stood a Christmas tree, as the Lanes had a three-year-old son, and they were expecting a dozen or more guests from nearby ranches.
At nightfall Madison Lane called aside Jim Belcher and three other cowboys employed on his ranch.
At sunset, Madison Lane pulled Jim Belcher and three other cowboys aside who worked on his ranch.
“Now, boys,” said Lane, “keep your eyes open. Walk around the house and watch the road well. All of you know the ‘Frio Kid,’ as they call him now, and if you see him, open fire on him without asking any questions. I’m not afraid of his coming around, but Rosita is. She’s been afraid he’d come in on us every Christmas since we were married.”
“Alright, guys,” said Lane, “stay alert. Walk around the house and pay close attention to the road. You all know the ‘Frio Kid,’ as he’s called now, and if you spot him, shoot at him without hesitation. I’m not worried about him showing up, but Rosita is. She’s been scared he’d come after us every Christmas since we got married.”
The guests had arrived in buckboards and on horseback, and were making themselves comfortable inside.
The guests had arrived in wagons and on horseback, and were making themselves comfortable inside.
The evening went along pleasantly. The guests enjoyed and praised Rosita’s excellent supper, and afterward the men scattered in groups about the rooms or on the broad “gallery,” smoking and chatting.
The evening passed happily. The guests loved and complimented Rosita’s amazing dinner, and afterward, the men broke off into small groups in the rooms or on the wide “gallery,” smoking and chatting.
The Christmas tree, of course, delighted the youngsters, and above all were they pleased when Santa Claus himself in magnificent white beard and furs appeared and began to distribute the toys.
The Christmas tree definitely thrilled the kids, and they were especially excited when Santa Claus himself showed up with his amazing white beard and furs to start handing out the toys.
“It’s my papa,” announced Billy Sampson, aged six. “I’ve seen him wear ’em before.”
“It’s my dad,” announced Billy Sampson, who was six years old. “I’ve seen him wear them before.”
Berkly, a sheepman, an old friend of Lane, stopped Rosita as she was passing by him on the gallery, where he was sitting smoking.
Berkly, a sheep herder and an old friend of Lane, stopped Rosita as she walked past him on the porch, where he was sitting and smoking.
“Well, Mrs. Lane,” said he, “I suppose by this Christmas you’ve gotten over being afraid of that fellow McRoy, haven’t you? Madison and I have talked about it, you know.”
“Well, Mrs. Lane,” he said, “I guess by this Christmas you’ve gotten over being scared of that guy McRoy, haven’t you? Madison and I have discussed it, you know.”
“Very nearly,” said Rosita, smiling, “but I am still nervous sometimes. I shall never forget that awful time when he came so near to killing us.”
“Almost,” Rosita said with a smile, “but I still get nervous sometimes. I’ll never forget that terrifying time when he almost killed us.”
“He’s the most cold-hearted villain in the world,” said Berkly. “The citizens all along the border ought to turn out and hunt him down like a wolf.”
“He’s the most ruthless villain in the world,” said Berkly. “The people along the border should all come together and track him down like a wolf.”
“He has committed awful crimes,” said Rosita, “but—I—don’t—know. I think there is a spot of good somewhere in everybody. He was not always bad—that I know.”
“He’s done terrible things,” said Rosita, “but—I—don’t—know. I believe there’s a little bit of good in everyone. He wasn’t always like this—that much I know.”
Rosita turned into the hallway between the rooms. Santa Claus, in muffling whiskers and furs, was just coming through.
Rosita walked into the hallway between the rooms. Santa Claus, with his fluffy beard and warm clothes, was just coming through.
“I heard what you said through the window, Mrs. Lane,” he said. “I was just going down in my pocket for a Christmas present for your husband. But I’ve left one for you, instead. It’s in the room to your right.”
“I heard what you said through the window, Mrs. Lane,” he said. “I was just reaching into my pocket for a Christmas gift for your husband. But I’ve actually left one for you instead. It’s in the room to your right.”
“Oh, thank you, kind Santa Claus,” said Rosita, brightly.
“Oh, thank you, dear Santa Claus,” said Rosita, cheerfully.
Rosita went into the room, while Santa Claus stepped into the cooler air of the yard.
Rosita walked into the room, while Santa Claus stepped into the cooler air outside.
She found no one in the room but Madison.
She found no one in the room except for Madison.
“Where is my present that Santa said he left for me in here?” she asked.
“Where's my gift that Santa said he left for me in here?” she asked.
“Haven’t seen anything in the way of a present,” said her husband, laughing, “unless he could have meant me.”
“Haven’t seen anything that looks like a gift,” her husband joked, “unless he was talking about me.”
The next day Gabriel Radd, the foreman of the X O Ranch, dropped into the post-office at Loma Alta.
The next day, Gabriel Radd, the foreman of the X O Ranch, stopped by the post office at Loma Alta.
“Well, the Frio Kid’s got his dose of lead at last,” he remarked to the postmaster.
“Well, the Frio Kid finally got what was coming to him,” he said to the postmaster.
“That so? How’d it happen?”
"Is that true? How did it happen?"
“One of old Sanchez’s Mexican sheep herders did it!—think of it! the Frio Kid killed by a sheep herder! The Greaser saw him riding along past his camp about twelve o’clock last night, and was so skeered that he up with a Winchester and let him have it. Funniest part of it was that the Kid was dressed all up with white Angora-skin whiskers and a regular Santy Claus rig-out from head to foot. Think of the Frio Kid playing Santy!”
“One of old Sanchez’s Mexican sheep herders did it!—can you believe it? The Frio Kid killed by a sheep herder! The Greaser saw him riding by his camp around midnight last night and was so scared that he grabbed a Winchester and shot him. The funniest part was that the Kid was all dressed up in white Angora-skin whiskers and a complete Santa Claus outfit from head to toe. Can you imagine the Frio Kid playing Santa?”
XXI
A LITTLE LOCAL COLOUR
I mentioned to Rivington that I was in search of characteristic New York scenes and incidents—something typical, I told him, without necessarily having to spell the first syllable with an “i.”
I told Rivington that I was looking for typical New York scenes and events—something that really captures the essence, I said, without needing to start the first syllable with an “i.”
“Oh, for your writing business,” said Rivington; “you couldn’t have applied to a better shop. What I don’t know about little old New York wouldn’t make a sonnet to a sunbonnet. I’ll put you right in the middle of so much local colour that you won’t know whether you are a magazine cover or in the erysipelas ward. When do you want to begin?”
“Oh, for your writing gig,” said Rivington; “you couldn’t have picked a better place. What I don’t know about little old New York wouldn’t fill a page. I’ll immerse you in so much local flavor that you won’t know if you’re on a magazine cover or in a hospital ward. When do you want to start?”
Rivington is a young-man-about-town and a New Yorker by birth, preference and incommutability.
Rivington is a young guy who knows the city well and is a New Yorker by birth, choice, and stubbornness.
I told him that I would be glad to accept his escort and guardianship so that I might take notes of Manhattan’s grand, gloomy and peculiar idiosyncrasies, and that the time of so doing would be at his own convenience.
I told him I’d be happy to accept his company and protection so I could take notes on Manhattan’s grand, gloomy, and quirky traits, and that I could do this whenever it suited him.
“We’ll begin this very evening,” said Rivington, himself interested, like a good fellow. “Dine with me at seven, and then I’ll steer you up against metropolitan phases so thick you’ll have to have a kinetoscope to record ’em.”
“We’ll start tonight,” said Rivington, genuinely interested. “Join me for dinner at seven, and then I’ll show you the city’s scenes so intense you’ll need a kinetoscope to capture them."
So I dined with Rivington pleasantly at his club, in Forty-eleventh street, and then we set forth in pursuit of the elusive tincture of affairs.
So I had a nice dinner with Rivington at his club on Forty-Eleventh Street, and then we headed out in search of the elusive essence of events.
As we came out of the club there stood two men on the sidewalk near the steps in earnest conversation.
As we left the club, we noticed two men on the sidewalk by the steps engaged in a serious conversation.
“And by what process of ratiocination,” said one of them, “do you arrive at the conclusion that the division of society into producing and non-possessing classes predicates failure when compared with competitive systems that are monopolizing in tendency and result inimically to industrial evolution?”
“And how do you figure,” said one of them, “that dividing society into producing and non-possessing classes leads to failure when compared to competitive systems that tend to monopolize and negatively affect industrial progress?”
“Oh, come off your perch!” said the other man, who wore glasses. “Your premises won’t come out in the wash. You wind-jammers who apply bandy-legged theories to concrete categorical syllogisms send logical conclusions skallybootin’ into the infinitesimal ragbag. You can’t pull my leg with an old sophism with whiskers on it. You quote Marx and Hyndman and Kautsky—what are they?—shines! Tolstoi?—his garret is full of rats. I put it to you over the home-plate that the idea of a cooperative commonwealth and an abolishment of competitive systems simply takes the rag off the bush and gives me hyperesthesia of the roopteetoop! The skookum house for yours!”
“Oh, get off your high horse!” said the other man, who wore glasses. “Your arguments won’t hold up. You so-called intellectuals who apply twisted theories to straightforward logical statements just send valid conclusions spiraling into chaos. You can’t fool me with an old argument that’s outdated. You quote Marx and Hyndman and Kautsky—what are they?—nonsense! Tolstoy?—his place is crawling with rats. I’ll say it straight: the idea of a cooperative society and getting rid of competition is just absurd and gives me an overwhelming sense of confusion! The crazy idea is all yours!”
I stopped a few yards away and took out my little notebook.
I stopped a few feet away and pulled out my small notebook.
“Oh, come ahead,” said Rivington, somewhat nervously; “you don’t want to listen to that.”
“Oh, come on,” said Rivington, a bit nervously; “you don’t want to hear that.”
“Why, man,” I whispered, “this is just what I do want to hear. These slang types are among your city’s most distinguishing features. Is this the Bowery variety? I really must hear more of it.”
“Why, man,” I whispered, “this is exactly what I want to hear. These slang expressions are some of the most unique aspects of your city. Is this the Bowery style? I really need to hear more of it.”
“If I follow you,” said the man who had spoken first, “you do not believe it possible to reorganize society on the basis of common interest?”
“If I follow you,” said the first man, “you don’t think it’s possible to rebuild society based on shared interests?”
“Shinny on your own side!” said the man with glasses. “You never heard any such music from my foghorn. What I said was that I did not believe it practicable just now. The guys with wads are not in the frame of mind to slack up on the mazuma, and the man with the portable tin banqueting canister isn’t exactly ready to join the Bible class. You can bet your variegated socks that the situation is all spifflicated up from the Battery to breakfast! What the country needs is for some bully old bloke like Cobden or some wise guy like old Ben Franklin to sashay up to the front and biff the nigger’s head with the baseball. Do you catch my smoke? What?”
“Stick to your side!” said the guy with glasses. “You’ve never heard any kind of music from my foghorn. What I meant was that I don’t think it’s doable right now. The guys with cash aren’t in the mood to ease up on the money, and the guy with the portable can’t exactly be counted on to join a study group. You can bet your colorful socks that the situation is a total mess from the Battery to breakfast! What we need is for some tough guy like Cobden or a smart person like old Ben Franklin to step up and take charge. You get what I mean? What?”
Rivington pulled me by the arm impatiently.
Rivington pulled my arm impatiently.
“Please come on,” he said. “Let’s go see something. This isn’t what you want.”
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go check out something else. This isn’t what you’re looking for.”
“Indeed, it is,” I said resisting. “This tough talk is the very stuff that counts. There is a picturesqueness about the speech of the lower order of people that is quite unique. Did you say that this is the Bowery variety of slang?”
“Yeah, it is,” I said, pushing back. “This tough talk really matters. There's something special about the way everyday people speak that's truly unique. Did you say this is the slang from the Bowery?”
“Oh, well,” said Rivington, giving it up, “I’ll tell you straight. That’s one of our college professors talking. He ran down for a day or two at the club. It’s a sort of fad with him lately to use slang in his conversation. He thinks it improves language. The man he is talking to is one of New York’s famous social economists. Now will you come on. You can’t use that, you know.”
“Oh, well,” said Rivington, giving in, “I’ll be honest with you. That’s one of our college professors talking. He came down for a day or two at the club. It’s been kind of a trend for him lately to use slang in his conversations. He thinks it makes language better. The guy he’s talking to is one of New York’s well-known social economists. Now, are you coming or not? You can’t use that, you know.”
“No,” I agreed; “I can’t use that. Would you call that typical of New York?”
“No,” I said; “I can’t use that. Would you say that’s typical of New York?”
“Of course not,” said Rivington, with a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you see the difference. But if you want to hear the real old tough Bowery slang I’ll take you down where you’ll get your fill of it.”
“Of course not,” Rivington said, letting out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you recognize the difference. But if you want to hear some true old-school Bowery slang, I’ll take you to a place where you can get plenty of it.”
“I would like it,” I said; “that is, if it’s the real thing. I’ve often read it in books, but I never heard it. Do you think it will be dangerous to go unprotected among those characters?”
“I would like that,” I said; “that is, if it’s the real thing. I’ve often read about it in books, but I’ve never heard it. Do you think it will be risky to go unprotected among those people?”
“Oh, no,” said Rivington; “not at this time of night. To tell the truth, I haven’t been along the Bowery in a long time, but I know it as well as I do Broadway. We’ll look up some of the typical Bowery boys and get them to talk. It’ll be worth your while. They talk a peculiar dialect that you won’t hear anywhere else on earth.”
“Oh, no,” said Rivington; “not at this time of night. To be honest, I haven’t been down the Bowery in a while, but I know it just as well as Broadway. We’ll find some of the typical Bowery guys and get them to chat. It’ll be worth your time. They have a unique way of speaking that you won’t hear anywhere else on earth.”
Rivington and I went east in a Forty-second street car and then south on the Third avenue line.
Rivington and I took a streetcar on Forty-second Street going east, and then went south on the Third Avenue line.
At Houston street we got off and walked.
At Houston Street, we got off and walked.
“We are now on the famous Bowery,” said Rivington; “the Bowery celebrated in song and story.”
“We're now on the famous Bowery,” said Rivington; “the Bowery known in songs and stories.”
We passed block after block of “gents’” furnishing stores—the windows full of shirts with prices attached and cuffs inside. In other windows were neckties and no shirts. People walked up and down the sidewalks.
We walked past one block after another of men’s clothing stores—the windows filled with shirts that had price tags and cuffs displayed inside. In some windows, there were neckties but no shirts. People strolled up and down the sidewalks.
“In some ways,” said I, “this reminds me of Kokomono, Ind., during the peach-crating season.”
“In some ways,” I said, “this reminds me of Kokomono, Ind., during peach-crating season.”
Rivington was nettled.
Rivington was annoyed.
“Step into one of these saloons or vaudeville shows,” said he, “with a large roll of money, and see how quickly the Bowery will sustain its reputation.”
“Walk into one of these bars or variety shows,” he said, “with a big wad of cash, and watch how fast the Bowery will live up to its reputation.”
“You make impossible conditions,” said I, coldly.
"You create impossible situations," I said, coldly.
By and by Rivington stopped and said we were in the heart of the Bowery. There was a policeman on the corner whom Rivington knew.
By and by, Rivington stopped and said we were in the heart of the Bowery. There was a cop on the corner whom Rivington knew.
“Hallo, Donahue!” said my guide. “How goes it? My friend and I are down this way looking up a bit of local colour. He’s anxious to meet one of the Bowery types. Can’t you put us on to something genuine in that line—something that’s got the colour, you know?”
“Hey, Donahue!” said my guide. “How's it going? My friend and I are here checking out some local vibes. He’s eager to meet someone from the Bowery scene. Can you point us to something authentic in that area—something that really has the flavor, you know?”
Policeman Donahue turned himself about ponderously, his florid face full of good-nature. He pointed with his club down the street.
Policeman Donahue turned around slowly, his red face full of friendliness. He gestured down the street with his baton.
“Sure!” he said huskily. “Here comes a lad now that was born on the Bowery and knows every inch of it. If he’s ever been above Bleecker street he’s kept it to himself.”
“Sure!” he said hoarsely. “Here comes a guy now who was born on the Bowery and knows every bit of it. If he’s ever been above Bleecker Street, he’s kept it to himself.”
A man about twenty-eight or twenty-nine, with a smooth face, was sauntering toward us with his hands in his coat pockets. Policeman Donahue stopped him with a courteous wave of his club.
A man around twenty-eight or twenty-nine, with a smooth face, was walking towards us with his hands in his coat pockets. Policeman Donahue stopped him with a polite gesture of his club.
“Evening, Kerry,” he said. “Here’s a couple of gents, friends of mine, that want to hear you spiel something about the Bowery. Can you reel ’em off a few yards?”
“Evening, Kerry,” he said. “Here are a couple of guys, friends of mine, who want to hear you talk a bit about the Bowery. Can you share some stories with them?”
“Certainly, Donahue,” said the young man, pleasantly. “Good evening, gentlemen,” he said to us, with a pleasant smile. Donahue walked off on his beat.
“Sure thing, Donahue,” said the young man, smiling. “Good evening, gentlemen,” he said to us, with a friendly smile. Donahue walked off on his patrol.
“This is the goods,” whispered Rivington, nudging me with his elbow. “Look at his jaw!”
“This is the stuff,” whispered Rivington, nudging me with his elbow. “Check out his jaw!”
“Say, cull,” said Rivington, pushing back his hat, “wot’s doin’? Me and my friend’s taking a look down de old line—see? De copper tipped us off dat you was wise to de bowery. Is dat right?”
“Hey, buddy,” said Rivington, pushing back his hat, “what's going on? My friend and I are checking out the old line—got it? The copper told us you were onto the Bowery. Is that true?”
I could not help admiring Rivington’s power of adapting himself to his surroundings.
I couldn't help but admire Rivington's ability to adapt to his surroundings.
“Donahue was right,” said the young man, frankly; “I was brought up on the Bowery. I have been news-boy, teamster, pugilist, member of an organized band of ‘toughs,’ bartender, and a ‘sport’ in various meanings of the word. The experience certainly warrants the supposition that I have at least a passing acquaintance with a few phases of Bowery life. I will be pleased to place whatever knowledge and experience I have at the service of my friend Donahue’s friends.”
“Donahue was right,” the young man said honestly; “I grew up on the Bowery. I’ve been a newsboy, a teamster, a boxer, part of a gang of ‘toughs,’ a bartender, and a ‘sport’ in a variety of ways. My experiences definitely suggest that I’m familiar with some aspects of Bowery life. I’d be happy to share whatever knowledge and experience I have to help my friend Donahue’s friends.”
Rivington seemed ill at ease.
Rivington looked uncomfortable.
“I say,” he said—somewhat entreatingly, “I thought—you’re not stringing us, are you? It isn’t just the kind of talk we expected. You haven’t even said ‘Hully gee!’ once. Do you really belong on the Bowery?”
“I say,” he said—somewhat pleadingly, “I thought—you’re not messing with us, are you? This isn’t the kind of talk we expected. You haven’t even said ‘Holy cow!’ once. Do you really belong on the Bowery?”
“I am afraid,” said the Bowery boy, smilingly, “that at some time you have been enticed into one of the dives of literature and had the counterfeit coin of the Bowery passed upon you. The ‘argot’ to which you doubtless refer was the invention of certain of your literary ‘discoverers’ who invaded the unknown wilds below Third avenue and put strange sounds into the mouths of the inhabitants. Safe in their homes far to the north and west, the credulous readers who were beguiled by this new ‘dialect’ perused and believed. Like Marco Polo and Mungo Park—pioneers indeed, but ambitious souls who could not draw the line of demarcation between discovery and invention—the literary bones of these explorers are dotting the trackless wastes of the subway. While it is true that after the publication of the mythical language attributed to the dwellers along the Bowery certain of its pat phrases and apt metaphors were adopted and, to a limited extent, used in this locality, it was because our people are prompt in assimilating whatever is to their commercial advantage. To the tourists who visited our newly discovered clime, and who expected a realization of their literary guide books, they supplied the demands of the market.
“I'm afraid,” said the Bowery kid, smiling, “that at some point you've been lured into one of the literary scams and had some fake Bowery slang passed off on you. The so-called ‘argot’ you’re referring to was created by some of your literary ‘explorers’ who ventured into the unknown areas below Third Avenue and put weird words into the mouths of the locals. Safe in their homes far north and west, the gullible readers who fell for this new ‘dialect’ read and believed. Like Marco Polo and Mungo Park—true pioneers, but ambitious folks who couldn’t tell the difference between discovery and fiction—the literary remains of these explorers are scattered throughout the uncharted depths of the subway. While it’s true that after the fake language attributed to the people along the Bowery was published, some of its catchy phrases and clever metaphors were picked up and used here to some extent, it was because our people are quick to embrace anything that gives them a business advantage. For the tourists who visited our newly discovered area, expecting to find what their guidebooks promised, we met the market demands.”
“But perhaps I am wandering from the question. In what way can I assist you, gentlemen? I beg you will believe that the hospitality of the street is extended to all. There are, I regret to say, many catchpenny places of entertainment, but I cannot conceive that they would entice you.”
“But maybe I'm getting off track. How can I help you, gentlemen? I hope you believe that the hospitality of the street is open to everyone. Unfortunately, there are many overpriced spots for entertainment, but I can't imagine they would attract you.”
I felt Rivington lean somewhat heavily against me.
I felt Rivington lean against me pretty hard.
“Say!” he remarked, with uncertain utterance; “come and have a drink with us.”
“Hey!” he said, hesitantly; “come have a drink with us.”
“Thank you, but I never drink. I find that alcohol, even in the smallest quantities, alters the perspective. And I must preserve my perspective, for I am studying the Bowery. I have lived in it nearly thirty years, and I am just beginning to understand its heartbeats. It is like a great river fed by a hundred alien streams. Each influx brings strange seeds on its flood, strange silt and weeds, and now and then a flower of rare promise. To construe this river requires a man who can build dykes against the overflow, who is a naturalist, a geologist, a humanitarian, a diver and a strong swimmer. I love my Bowery. It was my cradle and is my inspiration. I have published one book. The critics have been kind. I put my heart in it. I am writing another, into which I hope to put both heart and brain. Consider me your guide, gentlemen. Is there anything I can take you to see, any place to which I can conduct you?”
“Thank you, but I don’t drink. I believe that alcohol, even in small amounts, changes how you see things. And I need to keep my perspective intact because I’m studying the Bowery. I’ve lived here for almost thirty years, and I’m just starting to grasp its true essence. It’s like a huge river fed by a hundred different streams. Each influx brings unique seeds, strange mud and weeds, and occasionally a flower with great potential. Understanding this river requires someone who can build barriers against the overflow, someone who is a naturalist, a geologist, a humanitarian, a diver, and a strong swimmer. I love my Bowery. It was where I was born and still inspires me. I’ve published one book. The critics have been nice. I poured my heart into it. I’m working on another, and I hope to put both my heart and mind into this one. Think of me as your guide, gentlemen. Is there anything you want to see, any place I can show you?”
I was afraid to look at Rivington except with one eye.
I was scared to look at Rivington with both eyes.
“Thanks,” said Rivington. “We were looking up . . . that is . . . my friend . . . confound it; it’s against all precedent, you know . . . awfully obliged . . . just the same.”
“Thanks,” Rivington said. “We were trying to figure it out . . . that is . . . my friend . . . damn it; it’s against all the rules, you know . . . really grateful . . . just the same.”
“In case,” said our friend, “you would like to meet some of our Bowery young men I would be pleased to have you visit the quarters of our East Side Kappa Delta Phi Society, only two blocks east of here.”
“In case,” said our friend, “you’d like to meet some of our Bowery guys, I’d be happy to have you visit the East Side Kappa Delta Phi Society, just two blocks east of here.”
“Awfully sorry,” said Rivington, “but my friend’s got me on the jump to-night. He’s a terror when he’s out after local colour. Now, there’s nothing I would like better than to drop in at the Kappa Delta Phi, but—some other time!”
“Really sorry,” said Rivington, “but my friend has me on edge tonight. He’s a handful when he’s chasing after local scene. Now, there’s nothing I would love more than to stop by the Kappa Delta Phi, but—some other time!”
We said our farewells and boarded a home-bound car. We had a rabbit on upper Broadway, and then I parted with Rivington on a street corner.
We said our goodbyes and got into a car heading home. We had a rabbit on upper Broadway, and then I said goodbye to Rivington on a street corner.
“Well, anyhow,” said he, braced and recovered, “it couldn’t have happened anywhere but in little old New York.”
“Well, anyway,” he said, feeling re-energized, “it could only have happened right here in good old New York.”
Which to say the least, was typical of Rivington.
Which, to say the least, was typical of Rivington.
XXII
GEORGIA’S RULING
If you should chance to visit the General Land Office, step into the draughtsmen’s room and ask to be shown the map of Salado County. A leisurely German—possibly old Kampfer himself—will bring it to you. It will be four feet square, on heavy drawing-cloth. The lettering and the figures will be beautifully clear and distinct. The title will be in splendid, undecipherable German text, ornamented with classic Teutonic designs—very likely Ceres or Pomona leaning against the initial letters with cornucopias venting grapes and wieners. You must tell him that this is not the map you wish to see; that he will kindly bring you its official predecessor. He will then say, “Ach, so!” and bring out a map half the size of the first, dim, old, tattered, and faded.
If you happen to visit the General Land Office, step into the draughtsmen’s room and ask to see the map of Salado County. A relaxed German—possibly old Kampfer himself—will bring it to you. It will be four feet square, on heavy drawing cloth. The lettering and the numbers will be beautifully clear and distinct. The title will be in impressive, unreadable German script, decorated with classic Teutonic designs—likely featuring Ceres or Pomona leaning against the initial letters with cornucopias spilling grapes and sausages. You need to tell him that this isn't the map you want to see; that he should kindly get you its official predecessor. He will then say, “Ach, so!” and pull out a map half the size of the first, dim, old, tattered, and faded.
By looking carefully near its northwest corner you will presently come upon the worn contours of Chiquito River, and, maybe, if your eyes are good, discern the silent witness to this story.
By looking closely near its northwest corner, you'll soon find the worn shapes of Chiquito River, and if your vision is sharp, you might even spot the quiet witness to this story.
The Commissioner of the Land Office was of the old style; his antique courtesy was too formal for his day. He dressed in fine black, and there was a suggestion of Roman drapery in his long coat-skirts. His collars were “undetached” (blame haberdashery for the word); his tie was a narrow, funereal strip, tied in the same knot as were his shoe-strings. His gray hair was a trifle too long behind, but he kept it smooth and orderly. His face was clean-shaven, like the old statesmen’s. Most people thought it a stern face, but when its official expression was off, a few had seen altogether a different countenance. Especially tender and gentle it had appeared to those who were about him during the last illness of his only child.
The Commissioner of the Land Office was a bit old-fashioned; his outdated politeness felt too formal for modern times. He wore smart black clothing, and his long coat had a hint of Roman style. His collars were “undetached” (you can blame the haberdashery for that term); his tie was a narrow, somber strip, tied in the same knot as his shoelaces. His gray hair was slightly too long in the back, but he kept it neat and tidy. His face was clean-shaven, reminiscent of old statesmen. Most people thought he had a stern look, but when he wasn’t in official mode, a few had seen a completely different expression. It looked especially tender and kind to those who were around him during the last days of his only child's illness.
The Commissioner had been a widower for years, and his life, outside his official duties, had been so devoted to little Georgia that people spoke of it as a touching and admirable thing. He was a reserved man, and dignified almost to austerity, but the child had come below it all and rested upon his very heart, so that she scarcely missed the mother’s love that had been taken away. There was a wonderful companionship between them, for she had many of his own ways, being thoughtful and serious beyond her years.
The Commissioner had been a widower for years, and outside of his official duties, he dedicated his life to little Georgia, which people considered a touching and admirable thing. He was a reserved man, almost austere in his dignity, but the child broke through that exterior and touched his very heart, so she barely felt the absence of her mother’s love. There was a wonderful bond between them, as she shared many of his traits, being thoughtful and more serious than her age.
One day, while she was lying with the fever burning brightly in her checks, she said suddenly:
One day, while she was lying there with a fever making her cheeks flush, she suddenly said:
“Papa, I wish I could do something good for a whole lot of children!”
“Dad, I wish I could do something really good for a lot of kids!”
“What would you like to do, dear?” asked the Commissioner. “Give them a party?”
“What do you want to do, dear?” asked the Commissioner. “Throw them a party?”
“Oh, I don’t mean those kind. I mean poor children who haven’t homes, and aren’t loved and cared for as I am. I tell you what, papa!”
“Oh, I don’t mean those kinds. I mean poor kids who don’t have homes and aren’t loved and cared for like I am. I’m telling you, Dad!”
“What, my own child?”
"What, my own kid?"
“If I shouldn’t get well, I’ll leave them you—not give you, but just lend you, for you must come to mamma and me when you die too. If you can find time, wouldn’t you do something to help them, if I ask you, papa?”
“If I don’t get better, I’ll leave them to you—not give you, but just lend you, because you have to come to mom and me when it’s your time as well. If you can find the time, would you do something to help them, if I ask you, Dad?”
“Hush, hush dear, dear child,” said the Commissioner, holding her hot little hand against his cheek; “you’ll get well real soon, and you and I will see what we can do for them together.”
“Hush, hush dear child,” said the Commissioner, holding her warm little hand against his cheek; “you’ll feel better really soon, and you and I will see what we can do for them together.”
But in whatsoever paths of benevolence, thus vaguely premeditated, the Commissioner might tread, he was not to have the company of his beloved. That night the little frail body grew suddenly too tired to struggle further, and Georgia’s exit was made from the great stage when she had scarcely begun to speak her little piece before the footlights. But there must be a stage manager who understands. She had given the cue to the one who was to speak after her.
But no matter what paths of kindness the Commissioner chose to take, he would not have the company of his beloved. That night, her frail little body became suddenly too tired to fight anymore, and Georgia exited the great stage just as she was about to deliver her short lines before the audience. But there must be a stage manager who understands. She had given the cue to the one who was supposed to speak after her.
A week after she was laid away, the Commissioner reappeared at the office, a little more courteous, a little paler and sterner, with the black frock-coat hanging a little more loosely from his tall figure.
A week after she was buried, the Commissioner showed up at the office again, a bit more polite, a little paler and more serious, with the black suit jacket fitting a bit more loosely on his tall frame.
His desk was piled with work that had accumulated during the four heartbreaking weeks of his absence. His chief clerk had done what he could, but there were questions of law, of fine judicial decisions to be made concerning the issue of patents, the marketing and leasing of school lands, the classification into grazing, agricultural, watered, and timbered, of new tracts to be opened to settlers.
His desk was stacked with the tasks that piled up during the four exhausting weeks he was away. His main clerk had done what he could, but there were legal questions and critical judicial decisions to make about patents, the marketing and leasing of school lands, and the classification of new tracts for settlers into categories like grazing, agricultural, watered, and timbered.
The Commissioner went to work silently and obstinately, putting back his grief as far as possible, forcing his mind to attack the complicated and important business of his office. On the second day after his return he called the porter, pointed to a leather-covered chair that stood near his own, and ordered it removed to a lumber-room at the top of the building. In that chair Georgia would always sit when she came to the office for him of afternoons.
The Commissioner worked quietly and stubbornly, pushing his grief aside as much as he could, forcing himself to focus on the complex and important tasks at hand. On the second day after his return, he called the porter, gestured to a leather-covered chair next to his own, and ordered it to be taken to a storage room at the top of the building. That was the chair where Georgia always sat when she came to the office to see him in the afternoons.
As time passed, the Commissioner seemed to grow more silent, solitary, and reserved. A new phase of mind developed in him. He could not endure the presence of a child. Often when a clattering youngster belonging to one of the clerks would come chattering into the big business-room adjoining his little apartment, the Commissioner would steal softly and close the door. He would always cross the street to avoid meeting the school-children when they came dancing along in happy groups upon the sidewalk, and his firm mouth would close into a mere line.
As time went on, the Commissioner became more quiet, lonely, and withdrawn. A new mindset emerged in him. He couldn’t stand being around children. Often, when a noisy kid from one of the clerks would come prattling into the large office next to his small apartment, the Commissioner would quietly slip away and close the door. He would always cross the street to avoid running into school kids as they skipped along in cheerful groups on the sidewalk, and his firm lips would become a tight line.
It was nearly three months after the rains had washed the last dead flower-petals from the mound above little Georgia when the “land-shark” firm of Hamlin and Avery filed papers upon what they considered the “fattest” vacancy of the year.
It was almost three months after the rains had cleared away the last dead flower petals from the mound over little Georgia when the “land-shark” firm of Hamlin and Avery submitted paperwork for what they thought was the “best” vacancy of the year.
It should not be supposed that all who were termed “land-sharks” deserved the name. Many of them were reputable men of good business character. Some of them could walk into the most august councils of the State and say: “Gentlemen, we would like to have this, and that, and matters go thus.” But, next to a three years’ drought and the boll-worm, the Actual Settler hated the Land-shark. The land-shark haunted the Land Office, where all the land records were kept, and hunted “vacancies”—that is, tracts of unappropriated public domain, generally invisible upon the official maps, but actually existing “upon the ground.” The law entitled any one possessing certain State scrip to file by virtue of same upon any land not previously legally appropriated. Most of the scrip was now in the hands of the land-sharks. Thus, at the cost of a few hundred dollars, they often secured lands worth as many thousands. Naturally, the search for “vacancies” was lively.
It shouldn't be assumed that everyone labeled as “land-sharks” deserved that title. Many of them were respected individuals with solid business reputations. Some could confidently walk into the highest councils of the State and say, “Gentlemen, we’d like to have this, and that, and things should go this way.” But, right after a three-year drought and the boll-worm, the Actual Settler hated the land-sharks. The land-shark frequented the Land Office, where all the land records were kept, searching for “vacancies”—that is, tracts of unclaimed public land, usually not shown on the official maps but actually existing “on the ground.” The law allowed anyone with certain State scrip to file for any land not previously claimed. Most of the scrip was now in the hands of the land-sharks. Thus, for just a few hundred dollars, they often acquired lands worth thousands. Unsurprisingly, the search for “vacancies” was intense.
But often—very often—the land they thus secured, though legally “unappropriated,” would be occupied by happy and contented settlers, who had laboured for years to build up their homes, only to discover that their titles were worthless, and to receive peremptory notice to quit. Thus came about the bitter and not unjustifiable hatred felt by the toiling settlers toward the shrewd and seldom merciful speculators who so often turned them forth destitute and homeless from their fruitless labours. The history of the state teems with their antagonism. Mr. Land-shark seldom showed his face on “locations” from which he should have to eject the unfortunate victims of a monstrously tangled land system, but let his emissaries do the work. There was lead in every cabin, moulded into balls for him; many of his brothers had enriched the grass with their blood. The fault of it all lay far back.
But often—very often—the land they secured, even though it was legally “unappropriated,” would be occupied by happy and content settlers who had worked for years to build their homes, only to find out their titles were worthless and receive a harsh eviction notice. This led to the bitter and understandable hatred that the hardworking settlers felt towards the cunning and often merciless speculators who frequently left them destitute and homeless after their fruitless efforts. The state’s history is filled with their conflict. Mr. Land-shark rarely showed his face on “locations” where he had to remove the unfortunate victims of a ridiculously complicated land system; instead, he sent his agents to do the dirty work. There were bullets in every cabin, molded into balls for him; many of his kind had enriched the grass with their blood. The blame for it all goes way back.
When the state was young, she felt the need of attracting newcomers, and of rewarding those pioneers already within her borders. Year after year she issued land scrip—Headrights, Bounties, Veteran Donations, Confederates; and to railroads, irrigation companies, colonies, and tillers of the soil galore. All required of the grantee was that he or it should have the scrip properly surveyed upon the public domain by the county or district surveyor, and the land thus appropriated became the property of him or it, or his or its heirs and assigns, forever.
When the state was new, it wanted to attract new residents and reward the pioneers already living there. Year after year, it issued land grants—Headrights, Bounties, Veteran Donations, Confederates; and to railroads, irrigation companies, colonies, and many farmers. All that was required from the grantee was to have the grant properly surveyed on public land by the county or district surveyor, and the land obtained this way became the property of the grantee, or their heirs and assigns, forever.
In those days—and here is where the trouble began—the state’s domain was practically inexhaustible, and the old surveyors, with princely—yea, even Western American—liberality, gave good measure and over-flowing. Often the jovial man of metes and bounds would dispense altogether with the tripod and chain. Mounted on a pony that could cover something near a “vara” at a step, with a pocket compass to direct his course, he would trot out a survey by counting the beat of his pony’s hoofs, mark his corners, and write out his field notes with the complacency produced by an act of duty well performed. Sometimes—and who could blame the surveyor?—when the pony was “feeling his oats,” he might step a little higher and farther, and in that case the beneficiary of the scrip might get a thousand or two more acres in his survey than the scrip called for. But look at the boundless leagues the state had to spare! However, no one ever had to complain of the pony under-stepping. Nearly every old survey in the state contained an excess of land.
In those days—and this is where the trouble started—the state’s land was practically limitless, and the old surveyors, with generous—yes, even Western American—spirit, gave plenty and then some. Often, the cheerful surveyor would skip the tripod and chain altogether. Riding a pony that could cover nearly a "vara" in a single step, with a pocket compass to guide him, he would measure a survey by counting the beats of his pony’s hooves, mark his corners, and jot down his field notes with the satisfaction that comes from a job well done. Sometimes—and who could blame him?—when the pony was “feeling his oats,” it might step a bit higher and farther, resulting in the beneficiary of the scrip getting a thousand or two more acres in his survey than the scrip specified. But just look at the vast lands the state had to offer! Still, no one ever complained about the pony falling short. Almost every old survey in the state included extra land.
In later years, when the state became more populous, and land values increased, this careless work entailed incalculable trouble, endless litigation, a period of riotous land-grabbing, and no little bloodshed. The land-sharks voraciously attacked these excesses in the old surveys, and filed upon such portions with new scrip as unappropriated public domain. Wherever the identifications of the old tracts were vague, and the corners were not to be clearly established, the Land Office would recognize the newer locations as valid, and issue title to the locators. Here was the greatest hardship to be found. These old surveys, taken from the pick of the land, were already nearly all occupied by unsuspecting and peaceful settlers, and thus their titles were demolished, and the choice was placed before them either to buy their land over at a double price or to vacate it, with their families and personal belongings, immediately. Land locators sprang up by hundreds. The country was held up and searched for “vacancies” at the point of a compass. Hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of splendid acres were wrested from their innocent purchasers and holders. There began a vast hegira of evicted settlers in tattered wagons; going nowhere, cursing injustice, stunned, purposeless, homeless, hopeless. Their children began to look up to them for bread, and cry.
In later years, as the population grew and land values skyrocketed, this careless work led to enormous problems, endless lawsuits, a chaotic land grab, and quite a bit of violence. Land sharks eagerly exploited the mistakes in the old surveys, claiming portions with new permits as unclaimed public land. Wherever the boundaries of the old parcels were unclear and the corners couldn't be definitively identified, the Land Office recognized the new claims as valid and issued titles to the new locators. This created the greatest hardship. These old surveys covered some of the best land, which was already mostly occupied by unsuspecting and peaceful settlers, thus invalidating their titles. They were forced to choose between buying their land back at twice the price or vacating it immediately, along with their families and belongings. Land locators sprang up by the hundreds, scouring the country for “vacancies” in every direction. Hundreds of thousands of dollars' worth of prime land was taken from innocent buyers and holders. This led to a massive exodus of evicted settlers in ragged wagons, going nowhere, cursing the injustice, dazed, aimless, homeless, and hopeless. Their children began to look up to them for food and cried.
It was in consequence of these conditions that Hamlin and Avery had filed upon a strip of land about a mile wide and three miles long, comprising about two thousand acres, it being the excess over complement of the Elias Denny three-league survey on Chiquito River, in one of the middle-western counties. This two-thousand-acre body of land was asserted by them to be vacant land, and improperly considered a part of the Denny survey. They based this assertion and their claim upon the land upon the demonstrated facts that the beginning corner of the Denny survey was plainly identified; that its field notes called to run west 5,760 varas, and then called for Chiquito River; thence it ran south, with the meanders—and so on—and that the Chiquito River was, on the ground, fully a mile farther west from the point reached by course and distance. To sum up: there were two thousand acres of vacant land between the Denny survey proper and Chiquito River.
It was because of these conditions that Hamlin and Avery claimed a strip of land about a mile wide and three miles long, totaling around two thousand acres. This area was said to be the surplus beyond what was needed for the Elias Denny three-league survey along Chiquito River, in one of the midwestern counties. They argued that this two-thousand-acre piece of land was vacant and wrongfully categorized as part of the Denny survey. Their claim was based on clear evidence that the starting point of the Denny survey was well identified, that its field notes specified a course running west for 5,760 varas, and then mentioned Chiquito River; from there it went south, following the river's bends, and that Chiquito River was clearly over a mile further west than where the survey marked it. In summary, there were two thousand acres of vacant land situated between the actual Denny survey and Chiquito River.
One sweltering day in July the Commissioner called for the papers in connection with this new location. They were brought, and heaped, a foot deep, upon his desk—field notes, statements, sketches, affidavits, connecting lines—documents of every description that shrewdness and money could call to the aid of Hamlin and Avery.
One hot July day, the Commissioner asked for the documents related to this new location. They were brought in and piled a foot high on his desk—field notes, statements, sketches, affidavits, and connections—documents of every kind that cleverness and money could muster for Hamlin and Avery.
The firm was pressing the Commissioner to issue a patent upon their location. They possesed inside information concerning a new railroad that would probably pass somewhere near this land.
The company was urging the Commissioner to grant a patent for their location. They had insider information about a new railroad that would likely run somewhere close to this land.
The General Land Office was very still while the Commissioner was delving into the heart of the mass of evidence. The pigeons could be heard on the roof of the old, castle-like building, cooing and fretting. The clerks were droning everywhere, scarcely pretending to earn their salaries. Each little sound echoed hollow and loud from the bare, stone-flagged floors, the plastered walls, and the iron-joisted ceiling. The impalpable, perpetual limestone dust that never settled, whitened a long streamer of sunlight that pierced the tattered window-awning.
The General Land Office was very quiet while the Commissioner was digging into the pile of evidence. The pigeons could be heard on the roof of the old, castle-like building, cooing and fussing. The clerks were droning everywhere, barely pretending to do their jobs. Every little sound echoed loudly from the bare, stone floors, the plastered walls, and the iron-beamed ceiling. The endless, fine limestone dust that never settled whitened a long beam of sunlight that came through the tattered window awning.
It seemed that Hamlin and Avery had builded well. The Denny survey was carelessly made, even for a careless period. Its beginning corner was identical with that of a well-defined old Spanish grant, but its other calls were sinfully vague. The field notes contained no other object that survived—no tree, no natural object save Chiquito River, and it was a mile wrong there. According to precedent, the Office would be justified in giving it its complement by course and distance, and considering the remainder vacant instead of a mere excess.
It looked like Hamlin and Avery had built things correctly. The Denny survey was done sloppily, even for a careless time. Its starting point matched a clearly defined old Spanish land grant, but its other references were frustratingly vague. The field notes included no other identifiable markers—no trees, no natural features except for Chiquito River, which was a mile off. By precedent, the Office would be justified in completing it by direction and distance, treating the rest as vacant rather than just an excess.
The Actual Settler was besieging the office with wild protests in re. Having the nose of a pointer and the eye of a hawk for the land-shark, he had observed his myrmidons running the lines upon his ground. Making inquiries, he learned that the spoiler had attacked his home, and he left the plough in the furrow and took his pen in hand.
The Actual Settler was swarming the office with crazy protests in re. With the nose of a bloodhound and the eye of a hawk for the land-grabbers, he noticed his crew working the lines on his property. After asking around, he found out that the intruder had come after his home, so he left the plow in the ground and picked up his pen.
One of the protests the Commissioner read twice. It was from a woman, a widow, the granddaughter of Elias Denny himself. She told how her grandfather had sold most of the survey years before at a trivial price—land that was now a principality in extent and value. Her mother had also sold a part, and she herself had succeeded to this western portion, along Chiquito River. Much of it she had been forced to part with in order to live, and now she owned only about three hundred acres, on which she had her home. Her letter wound up rather pathetically:
One of the letters the Commissioner read twice was from a woman, a widow and the granddaughter of Elias Denny himself. She explained how her grandfather had sold most of the land years ago for a very low price—land that was now vast and incredibly valuable. Her mother had also sold a portion, and she had inherited the western part along the Chiquito River. She had to sell off much of it just to get by, and now she owned only about three hundred acres, where her home was located. Her letter ended on a rather sad note:
“I’ve got eight children, the oldest fifteen years. I work all day and half the night to till what little land I can and keep us in clothes and books. I teach my children too. My neighbours is all poor and has big families. The drought kills the crops every two or three years and then we has hard times to get enough to eat. There is ten families on this land what the land-sharks is trying to rob us of, and all of them got titles from me. I sold to them cheap, and they aint paid out yet, but part of them is, and if their land should be took from them I would die. My grandfather was an honest man, and he helped to build up this state, and he taught his children to be honest, and how could I make it up to them who bought from me? Mr. Commissioner, if you let them land-sharks take the roof from over my children and the little from them as they has to live on, whoever again calls this state great or its government just will have a lie in their mouths”
“I have eight kids, the oldest is fifteen. I work all day and half the night to farm what little land I can and keep us in clothes and books. I also teach my kids. My neighbors are all poor and have big families. The drought destroys the crops every two or three years, and then we struggle to get enough to eat. There are ten families on this land that the land-grabbers are trying to take from us, and all of them have titles from me. I sold the land to them for cheap, and they haven't fully paid yet, but some have, and if their land is taken from them, I would be devastated. My grandfather was an honest man, he helped build this state, and he taught his children to be honest. How could I repay those who bought from me? Mr. Commissioner, if you let those land-grabbers take the roof over my children's heads and the little we have to live on, anyone who calls this state great or its government just will be lying.”
The Commissioner laid this letter aside with a sigh. Many, many such letters he had received. He had never been hurt by them, nor had he ever felt that they appealed to him personally. He was but the state’s servant, and must follow its laws. And yet, somehow, this reflection did not always eliminate a certain responsible feeling that hung upon him. Of all the state’s officers he was supremest in his department, not even excepting the Governor. Broad, general land laws he followed, it was true, but he had a wide latitude in particular ramifications. Rather than law, what he followed was Rulings: Office Rulings and precedents. In the complicated and new questions that were being engendered by the state’s development the Commissioner’s ruling was rarely appealed from. Even the courts sustained it when its equity was apparent.
The Commissioner put down the letter with a sigh. He had received many, many letters like this. They never hurt him, nor did he feel they were directed at him personally. He was just a servant of the state and had to follow its laws. Still, this realization didn’t always get rid of a certain sense of responsibility that weighed on him. Among all the state’s officials, he was the top authority in his department, not even excluding the Governor. While he adhered to broad, general land laws, he had a lot of freedom in specific cases. Instead of strictly following the law, what he really followed were Rulings: Office Rulings and precedents. In the complex and new issues that arose from the state’s growth, the Commissioner’s decisions were rarely challenged. Even the courts backed him up when his fairness was clear.
The Commissioner stepped to the door and spoke to a clerk in the other room—spoke as he always did, as if he were addressing a prince of the blood:
The Commissioner walked to the door and talked to a clerk in the other room—talked just like he always did, as if he were speaking to royalty:
“Mr. Weldon, will you be kind enough to ask Mr. Ashe, the state school-land appraiser, to please come to my office as soon as convenient?”
“Mr. Weldon, could you please ask Mr. Ashe, the state school-land appraiser, to come to my office as soon as he can?”
Ashe came quickly from the big table where he was arranging his reports.
Ashe quickly left the large table where he had been organizing his reports.
“Mr. Ashe,” said the Commissioner, “you worked along the Chiquito River, in Salado County, during your last trip, I believe. Do you remember anything of the Elias Denny three-league survey?”
“Mr. Ashe,” said the Commissioner, “you worked along the Chiquito River in Salado County during your last trip, I believe. Do you remember anything about the Elias Denny three-league survey?”
“Yes, sir, I do,” the blunt, breezy, surveyor answered. “I crossed it on my way to Block H, on the north side of it. The road runs with the Chiquito River, along the valley. The Denny survey fronts three miles on the Chiquito.”
“Yes, sir, I do,” the straightforward, easygoing surveyor replied. “I crossed it on my way to Block H, on the north side. The road follows the Chiquito River along the valley. The Denny survey is three miles along the Chiquito.”
“It is claimed,” continued the commissioner, “that it fails to reach the river by as much as a mile.”
“It’s said,” the commissioner continued, “that it doesn’t make it to the river by as much as a mile.”
The appraiser shrugged his shoulder. He was by birth and instinct an Actual Settler, and the natural foe of the land-shark.
The appraiser shrugged his shoulders. He was, by birth and instinct, a true Settler and a natural enemy of the land-grabber.
“It has always been considered to extend to the river,” he said, dryly.
“It has always been thought to reach the river,” he said, dryly.
“But that is not the point I desired to discuss,” said the Commissioner. “What kind of country is this valley portion of (let us say, then) the Denny tract?”
“But that's not what I wanted to talk about,” said the Commissioner. “What kind of place is this valley part of (let's say, then) the Denny tract?”
The spirit of the Actual Settler beamed in Ashe’s face.
The spirit of the Actual Settler shone in Ashe’s face.
“Beautiful,” he said, with enthusiasm. “Valley as level as this floor, with just a little swell on, like the sea, and rich as cream. Just enough brakes to shelter the cattle in winter. Black loamy soil for six feet, and then clay. Holds water. A dozen nice little houses on it, with windmills and gardens. People pretty poor, I guess—too far from market—but comfortable. Never saw so many kids in my life.”
“Beautiful,” he said, excitedly. “A valley as flat as this floor, with just a slight rise, like the sea, and rich as cream. Just enough cover to protect the cattle in winter. Black loamy soil for six feet, then clay. Retains water. A dozen nice little houses on it, with windmills and gardens. People are pretty poor, I guess—too far from the market—but they’re comfortable. I’ve never seen so many kids in my life.”
“They raise flocks?” inquired the Commissioner.
"They raise flocks?" asked the Commissioner.
“Ho, ho! I mean two-legged kids,” laughed the surveyor; “two-legged, and bare-legged, and tow-headed.”
“Ha, ha! I mean kids with two legs,” laughed the surveyor; “two-legged, and bare-legged, and blonde-haired.”
“Children! oh, children!” mused the Commissioner, as though a new view had opened to him; “they raise children!
“Kids! oh, kids!” the Commissioner thought, as if a new perspective had just hit him; “they raise kids!
“It’s a lonesome country, Commissioner,” said the surveyor. “Can you blame ’em?”
“It’s a lonely place, Commissioner,” said the surveyor. “Can you blame them?”
“I suppose,” continued the Commissioner, slowly, as one carefully pursues deductions from a new, stupendous theory, “not all of them are tow-headed. It would not be unreasonable, Mr. Ashe, I conjecture, to believe that a portion of them have brown, or even black, hair.”
“I guess,” the Commissioner continued slowly, as if he were weighing conclusions from an amazing new theory, “not all of them have blonde hair. It wouldn’t be out of the question, Mr. Ashe, to think that some of them have brown or even black hair.”
“Brown and black, sure,” said Ashe; “also red.”
“Brown and black, definitely,” said Ashe; “also red.”
“No doubt,” said the Commissioner. “Well, I thank you for your courtesy in informing me, Mr. Ashe. I will not detain you any longer from your duties.”
“No doubt,” said the Commissioner. “Well, thank you for letting me know, Mr. Ashe. I won’t keep you from your work any longer.”
Later, in the afternoon, came Hamlin and Avery, big, handsome, genial, sauntering men, clothed in white duck and low-cut shoes. They permeated the whole office with an aura of debonair prosperity. They passed among the clerks and left a wake of abbreviated given names and fat brown cigars.
Later in the afternoon, Hamlin and Avery arrived—tall, good-looking, easygoing guys dressed in white duck and low-cut shoes. They filled the office with a vibe of sophisticated success. As they walked among the employees, they created a trail of shortened first names and thick brown cigars.
These were the aristocracy of the land-sharks, who went in for big things. Full of serene confidence in themselves, there was no corporation, no syndicate, no railroad company or attorney general too big for them to tackle. The peculiar smoke of their rare, fat brown cigars was to be perceived in the sanctum of every department of state, in every committee-room of the Legislature, in every bank parlour and every private caucus-room in the state Capital. Always pleasant, never in a hurry, in seeming to possess unlimited leisure, people wondered when they gave their attention to the many audacious enterprises in which they were known to be engaged.
These were the elite of the land developers, who aimed for big things. Filled with calm confidence in themselves, there was no corporation, no syndicate, no railroad company or attorney general too big for them to take on. The distinct smoke from their rare, thick brown cigars could be noticed in every state department, in every committee room of the Legislature, in every bank parlor, and every private meeting room in the state Capital. Always pleasant, never in a rush, they seemed to have endless free time, leaving people to wonder how they managed to focus on the many bold ventures they were involved in.
By and by the two dropped carelessly into the Commissioner’s room and reclined lazily in the big, leather-upholstered arm-chairs. They drawled a good-natured complaint of the weather, and Hamlin told the Commissioner an excellent story he had amassed that morning from the Secretary of State.
By and by, the two casually walked into the Commissioner’s room and lazily settled into the big leather armchairs. They casually complained about the weather, and Hamlin shared a great story he had picked up that morning from the Secretary of State.
But the Commissioner knew why they were there. He had half promised to render a decision that day upon their location.
But the Commissioner knew why they were there. He had half promised to make a decision that day about their location.
The chief clerk now brought in a batch of duplicate certificates for the Commissioner to sign. As he traced his sprawling signature, “Hollis Summerfield, Comr. Genl. Land Office,” on each one, the chief clerk stood, deftly removing them and applying the blotter.
The chief clerk now brought in a stack of duplicate certificates for the Commissioner to sign. As he carefully signed his sprawling name, “Hollis Summerfield, Comr. Genl. Land Office,” on each one, the chief clerk stood by, skillfully taking them away and using the blotter.
“I notice,” said the chief clerk, “you’ve been going through that Salado County location. Kampfer is making a new map of Salado, and I believe is platting in that section of the county now.”
“I see,” said the chief clerk, “you’ve been looking into that Salado County area. Kampfer is creating a new map of Salado and I think he's currently mapping out that part of the county.”
“I will see it,” said the Commissioner. A few moments later he went to the draughtsmen’s room.
“I'll check it out,” said the Commissioner. A few moments later, he went to the draughtsmen’s room.
As he entered he saw five or six of the draughtsmen grouped about Kampfer’s desk, gargling away at each other in pectoral German, and gazing at something thereupon. At the Commissioner’s approach they scattered to their several places. Kampfer, a wizened little German, with long, frizzled ringlets and a watery eye, began to stammer forth some sort of an apology, the Commissioner thought, for the congregation of his fellows about his desk.
As he walked in, he noticed five or six of the draftsmen gathered around Kampfer’s desk, chatting away in deep German and looking at something on the desk. When the Commissioner approached, they broke apart and went back to their own spots. Kampfer, a small, scraggly German with long, frizzy hair and watery eyes, started to mumble what the Commissioner thought was an apology for his colleagues crowding around his desk.
“Never mind,” said the Commissioner, “I wish to see the map you are making”; and, passing around the old German, seated himself upon the high draughtsman’s stool. Kampfer continued to break English in trying to explain.
“Never mind,” said the Commissioner, “I want to see the map you’re working on”; and, moving past the old German, he sat down on the tall draftsman’s stool. Kampfer kept struggling with his English while trying to explain.
“Herr Gommissioner, I assure you blenty sat I haf not it bremeditated—sat it wass—sat it itself make. Look you! from se field notes wass it blatted—blease to observe se calls: South, 10 degrees west 1,050 varas; south, 10 degrees east 300 varas; south, 100; south, 9 west, 200; south, 40 degrees west 400—and so on. Herr Gommissioner, nefer would I have—”
“Herr Commissioner, I assure you plenty that I did not plan this—it just happened. Look! From those field notes, it was recorded—please take note of the directions: South, 10 degrees west 1,050 varas; South, 10 degrees east 300 varas; South, 100; South, 9 degrees west, 200; South, 40 degrees west 400—and so on. Herr Commissioner, I would never have—”
The Commissioner raised one white hand, silently, Kampfer dropped his pipe and fled.
The Commissioner raised one white hand, silently, and Kampfer dropped his pipe and ran away.
With a hand at each side of his face, and his elbows resting upon the desk, the Commissioner sat staring at the map which was spread and fastened there—staring at the sweet and living profile of little Georgia drawn thereupon—at her face, pensive, delicate, and infantile, outlined in a perfect likeness.
With a hand on either side of his face and his elbows propped on the desk, the Commissioner sat gazing at the map spread out in front of him—looking at the charming and vibrant profile of little Georgia depicted there—her face, thoughtful, delicate, and childlike, captured in a perfect likeness.
When his mind at length came to inquire into the reason of it, he saw that it must have been, as Kampfer had said, unpremeditated. The old draughtsman had been platting in the Elias Denny survey, and Georgia’s likeness, striking though it was, was formed by nothing more than the meanders of Chiquito River. Indeed, Kampfer’s blotter, whereon his preliminary work was done, showed the laborious tracings of the calls and the countless pricks of the compasses. Then, over his faint pencilling, Kampfer had drawn in India ink with a full, firm pen the similitude of Chiquito River, and forth had blossomed mysteriously the dainty, pathetic profile of the child.
When he finally started to think about why it happened, he realized it must have been, as Kampfer had said, unplanned. The old draftsman had been mapping out the Elias Denny survey, and Georgia's resemblance, striking as it was, was created simply by the twists and turns of the Chiquito River. In fact, Kampfer's blotter, where he had done his initial work, showed the detailed sketches of the calls and the numerous dots made by the compass. Then, over his faint pencil marks, Kampfer had drawn in India ink with a bold, steady pen the likeness of the Chiquito River, and out of that had mysteriously emerged the delicate, touching profile of the child.
The Commissioner sat for half an hour with his face in his hands, gazing downward, and none dared approach him. Then he arose and walked out. In the business office he paused long enough to ask that the Denny file be brought to his desk.
The Commissioner sat for half an hour with his face in his hands, looking down, and no one dared to approach him. Then he got up and walked out. In the business office, he stopped long enough to ask for the Denny file to be brought to his desk.
He found Hamlin and Avery still reclining in their chairs, apparently oblivious of business. They were lazily discussing summer opera, it being, their habit—perhaps their pride also—to appear supernaturally indifferent whenever they stood with large interests imperilled. And they stood to win more on this stake than most people knew. They possessed inside information to the effect that a new railroad would, within a year, split this very Chiquito River valley and send land values ballooning all along its route. A dollar under thirty thousand profit on this location, if it should hold good, would be a loss to their expectations. So, while they chatted lightly and waited for the Commissioner to open the subject, there was a quick, sidelong sparkle in their eyes, evincing a desire to read their title clear to those fair acres on the Chiquito.
He found Hamlin and Avery still lounging in their chairs, seemingly unaware of the business at hand. They were casually discussing summer opera, as it was their habit—maybe even their pride—to act like they were completely indifferent when they had significant interests at stake. And they had a lot to gain from this situation, more than most people realized. They knew that a new railroad would be coming through the Chiquito River valley within a year, which would cause land values to skyrocket along its path. A profit of less than thirty thousand dollars on this location, if it turned out to be true, would be a setback for their expectations. So, while they chatted casually and waited for the Commissioner to bring it up, there was a quick, subtle sparkle in their eyes, revealing their eagerness to secure ownership of those valuable acres along the Chiquito.
A clerk brought in the file. The Commissioner seated himself and wrote upon it in red ink. Then he rose to his feet and stood for a while looking straight out of the window. The Land Office capped the summit of a bold hill. The eyes of the Commissioner passed over the roofs of many houses set in a packing of deep green, the whole checkered by strips of blinding white streets. The horizon, where his gaze was focussed, swelled to a fair wooded eminence flecked with faint dots of shining white. There was the cemetery, where lay many who were forgotten, and a few who had not lived in vain. And one lay there, occupying very small space, whose childish heart had been large enough to desire, while near its last beats, good to others. The Commissioner’s lips moved slightly as he whispered to himself: “It was her last will and testament, and I have neglected it so long!”
A clerk brought in the file. The Commissioner sat down and wrote on it in red ink. Then he got up and stood for a while, staring out the window. The Land Office sat at the top of a steep hill. The Commissioner's gaze swept over the roofs of many houses surrounded by deep green, all interspersed with bright white streets. The horizon, where his focus was, rose to a beautiful wooded hill dotted with faint shining white. There was the cemetery, where many were forgotten, and a few who had lived meaningful lives. And one person lay there, taking up very little space, whose childlike heart had been big enough to wish, even near its last moments, for good for others. The Commissioner's lips moved slightly as he whispered to himself: “It was her last will and testament, and I’ve neglected it for so long!”
The big brown cigars of Hamlin and Avery were fireless, but they still gripped them between their teeth and waited, while they marvelled at the absent expression upon the Commissioner’s face.
The big brown cigars of Hamlin and Avery were unlit, but they still held them between their teeth and waited, as they wondered about the vacant look on the Commissioner’s face.
By and by he spoke suddenly and promptly.
By and by, he suddenly and quickly spoke up.
“Gentlemen, I have just indorsed the Elias Denny survey for patenting. This office will not regard your location upon a part of it as legal.” He paused a moment, and then, extending his hand as those dear old-time ones used to do in debate, he enunciated the spirit of that Ruling that subsequently drove the land-sharks to the wall, and placed the seal of peace and security over the doors of ten thousand homes.
“Gentlemen, I have just endorsed the Elias Denny survey for patenting. This office will not consider your claim on part of it as valid.” He paused for a moment, then, extending his hand like those old-time speakers used to do in debates, he articulated the essence of that ruling that later forced the land sharks into retreat and brought peace and security to the doors of ten thousand homes.
“And, furthermore,” he continued, with a clear, soft light upon his face, “it may interest you to know that from this time on this office will consider that when a survey of land made by virtue of a certificate granted by this state to the men who wrested it from the wilderness and the savage—made in good faith, settled in good faith, and left in good faith to their children or innocent purchasers—when such a survey, although overrunning its complement, shall call for any natural object visible to the eye of man, to that object it shall hold, and be good and valid. And the children of this state shall lie down to sleep at night, and rumours of disturbers of title shall not disquiet them. For,” concluded the Commissioner, “of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“And, also,” he continued, with a gentle, bright expression on his face, “you might find it interesting to know that from now on this office will recognize that when a land survey is carried out based on a certificate granted by this state to the individuals who took it from the wilderness and the untamed—done in good faith, settled in good faith, and passed down in good faith to their children or innocent buyers—when such a survey, even if it exceeds its limits, identifies any natural feature visible to the human eye, it will be considered valid and binding. And the children of this state will rest easy at night, free from concerns about challenges to their ownership. Because,” the Commissioner concluded, “that is the essence of the Kingdom of Heaven.”
In the silence that followed, a laugh floated up from the patent-room below. The man who carried down the Denny file was exhibiting it among the clerks.
In the quiet that came after, a laugh echoed up from the patent room below. The man who took the Denny file downstairs was showing it off to the clerks.
“Look here,” he said, delightedly, “the old man has forgotten his name. He’s written ‘Patent to original grantee,’ and signed it ‘Georgia Summerfield, Comr.’”
“Check this out,” he said, excitedly, “the old man has forgotten his name. He wrote ‘Patent to original grantee,’ and signed it ‘Georgia Summerfield, Comr.’”
The speech of the Commissioner rebounded lightly from the impregnable Hamlin and Avery. They smiled, rose gracefully, spoke of the baseball team, and argued feelingly that quite a perceptible breeze had arisen from the east. They lit fresh fat brown cigars, and drifted courteously away. But later they made another tiger-spring for their quarry in the courts. But the courts, according to reports in the papers, “coolly roasted them” (a remarkable performance, suggestive of liquid-air didoes), and sustained the Commissioner’s Ruling.
The Commissioner's speech bounced off Hamlin and Avery effortlessly. They smiled, stood up elegantly, talked about the baseball team, and passionately argued that there was definitely a noticeable breeze coming from the east. They lit new fat brown cigars and politely walked away. However, later they made another bold move to pursue their target in the courts. But the courts, as reported in the papers, “coolly roasted them” (an impressive performance, reminiscent of liquid-air devices), and upheld the Commissioner’s ruling.
And this Ruling itself grew to be a Precedent, and the Actual Settler framed it, and taught his children to spell from it, and there was sound sleep o’ nights from the pines to the sage-brush, and from the chaparral to the great brown river of the north.
And this ruling became a precedent, and the actual settler created it, teaching his children to read from it, and there was peaceful sleep at night from the pines to the sagebrush, and from the chaparral to the great brown river in the north.
But I think, and I am sure the Commissioner never thought otherwise, that whether Kampfer was a snuffy old instrument of destiny, or whether the meanders of the Chiquito accidentally platted themselves into that memorable sweet profile or not, there was brought about “something good for a whole lot of children,” and the result ought to be called “Georgia’s Ruling.”
But I believe, and I'm sure the Commissioner felt the same way, that whether Kampfer was just an old tool of fate or the twists of the Chiquito happened to form that memorable sweet outline by chance or not, something great came out of it "for a whole lot of children," and the result should be recognized as "Georgia’s Ruling."
XXIII
BLIND MAN’S HOLIDAY
Alas for the man and for the artist with the shifting point of perspective! Life shall be a confusion of ways to the one; the landscape shall rise up and confound the other. Take the case of Lorison. At one time he appeared to himself to be the feeblest of fools; at another he conceived that he followed ideals so fine that the world was not yet ready to accept them. During one mood he cursed his folly; possessed by the other, he bore himself with a serene grandeur akin to greatness: in neither did he attain the perspective.
Alas for the man and the artist with a constantly changing point of view! Life will be a confusing maze for one, and the landscape will rise up and bewilder the other. Take Lorison, for example. At one moment, he saw himself as the weakest of fools; at another, he believed he was pursuing such high ideals that the world wasn't ready to embrace them. In one mood, he cursed his foolishness; in the other, he carried himself with a calm dignity that resembled greatness. In neither state did he find the clarity he sought.
Generations before, the name had been “Larsen.” His race had bequeathed him its fine-strung, melancholy temperament, its saving balance of thrift and industry.
Generations before, the name had been “Larsen.” His background had given him its finely tuned, melancholic temperament, and its careful balance of frugality and hard work.
From his point of perspective he saw himself an outcast from society, forever to be a shady skulker along the ragged edge of respectability; a denizen des trois-quarts de monde, that pathetic spheroid lying between the haut and the demi, whose inhabitants envy each of their neighbours, and are scorned by both. He was self-condemned to this opinion, as he was self-exiled, through it, to this quaint Southern city a thousand miles from his former home. Here he had dwelt for longer than a year, knowing but few, keeping in a subjective world of shadows which was invaded at times by the perplexing bulks of jarring realities. Then he fell in love with a girl whom he met in a cheap restaurant, and his story begins.
From his perspective, he saw himself as an outcast from society, always lurking on the thin line of respectability; a resident of des trois-quarts de monde, that sad sphere stuck between the haut and the demi, where everyone envies their neighbors while being looked down upon by both. He was trapped in this mindset, just like he was trapped in his self-imposed exile to this quirky Southern city a thousand miles away from his old home. He had lived here for over a year, knowing only a few people and staying in a personal world of shadows, occasionally interrupted by the confusing weight of harsh realities. Then he fell in love with a girl he met in a cheap restaurant, and that's where his story begins.
The Rue Chartres, in New Orleans, is a street of ghosts. It lies in the quarter where the Frenchman, in his prime, set up his translated pride and glory; where, also, the arrogant don had swaggered, and dreamed of gold and grants and ladies’ gloves. Every flagstone has its grooves worn by footsteps going royally to the wooing and the fighting. Every house has a princely heartbreak; each doorway its untold tale of gallant promise and slow decay.
The Rue Chartres in New Orleans is a street filled with ghosts. It’s located in the neighborhood where the Frenchmen, at their peak, established their translated pride and glory; where the boastful nobleman also strutted about, dreaming of wealth, grants, and ladies' gloves. Every flagstone shows grooves worn down by footsteps that once walked majestically to woo and to battle. Every house carries a noble heartbreak; each doorway holds an untold story of brave promises and gradual decline.
By night the Rue Chartres is now but a murky fissure, from which the groping wayfarer sees, flung against the sky, the tangled filigree of Moorish iron balconies. The old houses of monsieur stand yet, indomitable against the century, but their essence is gone. The street is one of ghosts to whosoever can see them.
By night, the Rue Chartres is now just a dim crevice, from which a wandering traveler sees the intricate designs of Moorish iron balconies outlined against the sky. The old houses of the gentleman still stand strong against time, but their spirit is lost. The street is filled with ghosts for those who are able to see them.
A faint heartbeat of the street’s ancient glory still survives in a corner occupied by the Café Carabine d’Or. Once men gathered there to plot against kings, and to warn presidents. They do so yet, but they are not the same kind of men. A brass button will scatter these; those would have set their faces against an army. Above the door hangs the sign board, upon which has been depicted a vast animal of unfamiliar species. In the act of firing upon this monster is represented an unobtrusive human levelling an obtrusive gun, once the colour of bright gold. Now the legend above the picture is faded beyond conjecture; the gun’s relation to the title is a matter of faith; the menaced animal, wearied of the long aim of the hunter, has resolved itself into a shapeless blot.
A faint echo of the street's former glory still lingers in a corner where the Café Carabine d’Or stands. Once, men gathered there to conspire against kings and warn presidents. They still do, but they’re not the same kind of men. A brass button would disperse these; those men would have stood firm against an army. Above the door hangs a signboard depicting a large animal of an unknown species. An inconspicuous human is shown aiming an conspicuous gun at this monster, once a bright gold color. Now, the legend above the image is too faded to read; the connection between the gun and the title is a matter of belief; the threatened animal, tired of the hunter's long aim, has become a shapeless blur.
The place is known as “Antonio’s,” as the name, white upon the red-lit transparency, and gilt upon the windows, attests. There is a promise in “Antonio”; a justifiable expectancy of savoury things in oil and pepper and wine, and perhaps an angel’s whisper of garlic. But the rest of the name is “O’Riley.” Antonio O’Riley!
The place is called “Antonio’s,” as the name, white on the red-lit sign and gold on the windows, shows. There’s a promise in “Antonio”; a reasonable expectation of tasty things in oil, pepper, and wine, and maybe a hint of garlic. But the full name is “O’Riley.” Antonio O’Riley!
The Carabine d’Or is an ignominious ghost of the Rue Chartres. The café where Bienville and Conti dined, where a prince has broken bread, is become a “family ristaurant.”
The Carabine d’Or is a shameful remnant of Rue Chartres. The café where Bienville and Conti dined, where a prince once broke bread, has turned into a “family restaurant.”
Its customers are working men and women, almost to a unit. Occasionally you will see chorus girls from the cheaper theatres, and men who follow avocations subject to quick vicissitudes; but at Antonio’s—name rich in Bohemian promise, but tame in fulfillment—manners debonair and gay are toned down to the “family” standard. Should you light a cigarette, mine host will touch you on the “arrum” and remind you that the proprieties are menaced. “Antonio” entices and beguiles from fiery legend without, but “O’Riley” teaches decorum within.
Its customers are mostly working men and women. Occasionally, you might see chorus girls from the cheaper theaters and men who have jobs that can change quickly; but at Antonio’s— a name full of Bohemian promise but lacking in true excitement— the lively and cheerful atmosphere is toned down to a “family” standard. If you light a cigarette, the host will gently touch your arm and remind you that the proper behavior is at risk. “Antonio” lures and dazzles with fiery legends from outside, but “O’Riley” teaches good manners inside.
It was at this restaurant that Lorison first saw the girl. A flashy fellow with a predatory eye had followed her in, and had advanced to take the other chair at the little table where she stopped, but Lorison slipped into the seat before him. Their acquaintance began, and grew, and now for two months they had sat at the same table each evening, not meeting by appointment, but as if by a series of fortuitous and happy accidents. After dining, they would take a walk together in one of the little city parks, or among the panoramic markets where exhibits a continuous vaudeville of sights and sounds. Always at eight o’clock their steps led them to a certain street corner, where she prettily but firmly bade him good night and left him. “I do not live far from here,” she frequently said, “and you must let me go the rest of the way alone.”
It was at this restaurant that Lorison first saw the girl. A flashy guy with a predatory stare had followed her in and approached the other chair at the little table where she stopped, but Lorison slid into the seat before him. Their acquaintance began, grew, and for the past two months, they had sat at the same table each evening, not meeting on purpose, but as if by a series of lucky and wonderful coincidences. After dinner, they would take a walk together in one of the small city parks or through the bustling markets filled with a continuous show of sights and sounds. Always at eight o’clock, their steps would lead them to a specific street corner, where she sweetly but firmly said goodnight and left him. “I don’t live far from here,” she often said, “and you have to let me go the rest of the way alone.”
But now Lorison had discovered that he wanted to go the rest of the way with her, or happiness would depart, leaving, him on a very lonely corner of life. And at the same time that he made the discovery, the secret of his banishment from the society of the good laid its finger in his face and told him it must not be.
But now Lorison realized that he wanted to continue along the path with her, or happiness would leave him stranded in a very lonely part of life. At the same time he came to this realization, the reason for his exclusion from the company of the good pointed its finger at him and told him it could not be.
Man is too thoroughly an egoist not to be also an egotist; if he love, the object shall know it. During a lifetime he may conceal it through stress of expediency and honour, but it shall bubble from his dying lips, though it disrupt a neighbourhood. It is known, however, that most men do not wait so long to disclose their passion. In the case of Lorison, his particular ethics positively forbade him to declare his sentiments, but he must needs dally with the subject, and woo by innuendo at least.
Man is too much of an egoist not to also be an egotist; if he loves, the other person will know it. Throughout his life, he might hide it out of necessity or honor, but it will spill from his dying lips, even if it causes a scene. However, it’s known that most men don’t wait that long to reveal their feelings. In Lorison's case, his specific morals strictly prohibited him from expressing his emotions, but he had to flirt with the topic and at least hint at his affection.
On this night, after the usual meal at the Carabine d’Or, he strolled with his companion down the dim old street toward the river.
On this night, after the usual dinner at the Carabine d’Or, he walked with his friend down the dim old street toward the river.
The Rue Chartres perishes in the old Place d’Armes. The ancient Cabildo, where Spanish justice fell like hail, faces it, and the Cathedral, another provincial ghost, overlooks it. Its centre is a little, iron-railed park of flowers and immaculate gravelled walks, where citizens take the air of evenings. Pedestalled high above it, the general sits his cavorting steed, with his face turned stonily down the river toward English Turn, whence come no more Britons to bombard his cotton bales.
The Rue Chartres ends in the old Place d’Armes. The historic Cabildo, where Spanish justice came down harshly, looks out at it, and the Cathedral, another remnant of the past, looms over the scene. At its center is a small park with iron railings, filled with flowers and pristine gravel paths, where locals stroll in the evenings. Pedestaled high above the area, the general sits on his lively horse, staring stone-faced down the river toward English Turn, from which no more British ships come to attack his cotton bales.
Often the two sat in this square, but to-night Lorison guided her past the stone-stepped gate, and still riverward. As they walked, he smiled to himself to think that all he knew of her—except that he loved her—was her name, Norah Greenway, and that she lived with her brother. They had talked about everything except themselves. Perhaps her reticence had been caused by his.
Often the two sat in this square, but tonight Lorison led her past the stone steps and toward the river. As they walked, he smiled to himself, realizing that all he knew about her—other than that he loved her—was her name, Norah Greenway, and that she lived with her brother. They had discussed everything except their own lives. Maybe her silence was a result of his.
They came, at length, upon the levee, and sat upon a great, prostrate beam. The air was pungent with the dust of commerce. The great river slipped yellowly past. Across it Algiers lay, a longitudinous black bulk against a vibrant electric haze sprinkled with exact stars.
They eventually reached the levee and sat on a large, fallen beam. The air was thick with the dust of trade. The big river flowed by in a yellowish hue. Across it, Algiers stretched out like a long, dark mass against a lively electric haze sprinkled with bright stars.
The girl was young and of the piquant order. A certain bright melancholy pervaded her; she possessed an untarnished, pale prettiness doomed to please. Her voice, when she spoke, dwarfed her theme. It was the voice capable of investing little subjects with a large interest. She sat at ease, bestowing her skirts with the little womanly touch, serene as if the begrimed pier were a summer garden. Lorison poked the rotting boards with his cane.
The girl was young and had a charming, spirited style. There was a certain bright sadness about her; she had a fresh, delicate beauty that was bound to attract attention. Her voice, when she spoke, made even the smallest topics feel important. She sat comfortably, adjusting her skirt with a feminine grace, looking as calm as if the dirty pier were a summer garden. Lorison prodded the decaying boards with his cane.
He began by telling her that he was in love with some one to whom he durst not speak of it. “And why not?” she asked, accepting swiftly his fatuous presentation of a third person of straw. “My place in the world,” he answered, “is none to ask a woman to share. I am an outcast from honest people; I am wrongly accused of one crime, and am, I believe, guilty of another.”
He started by telling her that he was in love with someone he couldn't speak to about it. “And why not?” she asked, quickly accepting his silly idea of a fictional third person. “My place in the world,” he replied, “is not one to ask a woman to share. I'm an outcast from decent people; I’ve been wrongly accused of one crime and, I believe, guilty of another.”
Thence he plunged into the story of his abdication from society. The story, pruned of his moral philosophy, deserves no more than the slightest touch. It is no new tale, that of the gambler’s declension. During one night’s sitting he lost, and then had imperilled a certain amount of his employer’s money, which, by accident, he carried with him. He continued to lose, to the last wager, and then began to gain, leaving the game winner to a somewhat formidable sum. The same night his employer’s safe was robbed. A search was had; the winnings of Lorison were found in his room, their total forming an accusative nearness to the sum purloined. He was taken, tried and, through incomplete evidence, released, smutched with the sinister devoirs of a disagreeing jury.
Then he dove into the story of how he stepped back from society. The story, stripped of his moral philosophy, needs no more than a brief mention. It’s not a new tale—the decline of a gambler. One night he lost, and then risked a certain amount of his employer’s money, which, by chance, he had with him. He kept losing, right up to his last bet, and then started to win, leaving the game with a somewhat significant amount. That same night, his employer's safe was stolen. A search was conducted; Lorison's winnings were found in his room, their total suspiciously close to the amount that was taken. He was arrested, put on trial, and, due to insufficient evidence, released, marked by the troubling decisions of a divided jury.
“It is not in the unjust accusation,” he said to the girl, “that my burden lies, but in the knowledge that from the moment I staked the first dollar of the firm’s money I was a criminal—no matter whether I lost or won. You see why it is impossible for me to speak of love to her.”
“It’s not the unfair accusation,” he said to the girl, “that weighs on me, but the awareness that from the moment I risked the first dollar of the company’s money, I became a criminal—regardless of whether I lost or won. You understand now why I can’t talk to her about love.”
“It is a sad thing,” said Norah, after a little pause, “to think what very good people there are in the world.”
“It’s a sad thing,” said Norah, after a brief pause, “to think about how many really good people there are in the world.”
“Good?” said Lorison.
"Good?" Lorison asked.
“I was thinking of this superior person whom you say you love. She must be a very poor sort of creature.”
“I was thinking about this amazing person you say you love. She must be a pretty sad individual.”
“I do not understand.”
"I don't understand."
“Nearly,” she continued, “as poor a sort of creature as yourself.”
“Almost,” she went on, “just as much of a pitiful being as you are.”
“You do not understand,” said Lorison, removing his hat and sweeping back his fine, light hair. “Suppose she loved me in return, and were willing to marry me. Think, if you can, what would follow. Never a day would pass but she would be reminded of her sacrifice. I would read a condescension in her smile, a pity even in her affection, that would madden me. No. The thing would stand between us forever. Only equals should mate. I could never ask her to come down upon my lower plane.”
“You don’t understand,” Lorison said, taking off his hat and pushing back his fine, light hair. “Imagine if she loved me back and wanted to marry me. Just think about what would happen. Not a single day would go by without her being reminded of her sacrifice. I would see a condescension in her smile, a pity even in her affection, that would drive me crazy. No. It would create an unbridgeable gap between us. Only equals should be together. I could never ask her to lower herself to my level.”
An arc light faintly shone upon Lorison’s face. An illumination from within also pervaded it. The girl saw the rapt, ascetic look; it was the face either of Sir Galahad or Sir Fool.
An arc light dimly illuminated Lorison’s face. A glow from within also spread across it. The girl noticed the intense, ascetic expression; it resembled the face of either Sir Galahad or Sir Fool.
“Quite starlike,” she said, “is this unapproachable angel. Really too high to be grasped.”
“Pretty star-like,” she said, “is this unreachable angel. Really too elevated to be understood.”
“By me, yes.”
"Sure, why not."
She faced him suddenly. “My dear friend, would you prefer your star fallen?” Lorison made a wide gesture.
She turned to him abruptly. “My dear friend, would you rather your star had fallen?” Lorison waved his arms dramatically.
“You push me to the bald fact,” he declared; “you are not in sympathy with my argument. But I will answer you so. If I could reach my particular star, to drag it down, I would not do it; but if it were fallen, I would pick it up, and thank Heaven for the privilege.”
“You're forcing me to state the obvious,” he said. “You don’t agree with my point of view. But I’ll answer this way: If I could grab my own star and bring it down, I wouldn’t do that; but if it had fallen, I would pick it up and be grateful to Heaven for the chance.”
They were silent for some minutes. Norah shivered, and thrust her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket. Lorison uttered a remorseful exclamation.
They were silent for a few minutes. Norah shivered and stuffed her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket. Lorison let out a regretful exclamation.
“I’m not cold,” she said. “I was just thinking. I ought to tell you something. You have selected a strange confidante. But you cannot expect a chance acquaintance, picked up in a doubtful restaurant, to be an angel.”
“I’m not cold,” she said. “I was just thinking. I need to tell you something. You’ve chosen a pretty unusual confidante. But you can’t expect someone you met by chance in a sketchy restaurant to be an angel.”
“Norah!” cried Lorison.
“Norah!” shouted Lorison.
“Let me go on. You have told me about yourself. We have been such good friends. I must tell you now what I never wanted you to know. I am—worse than you are. I was on the stage . . . I sang in the chorus . . . I was pretty bad, I guess . . . I stole diamonds from the prima donna . . . they arrested me . . . I gave most of them up, and they let me go . . . I drank wine every night . . . a great deal . . . I was very wicked, but—”
“Let me continue. You've shared things about yourself. We've been such good friends. I need to tell you something I never wanted you to know. I am—worse than you think. I was on stage... I sang in the chorus... I was pretty bad, I suppose... I stole diamonds from the lead performer... they arrested me... I returned most of them, and they let me go... I drank wine every night... a lot... I was very bad, but—”
Lorison knelt quickly by her side and took her hands.
Lorison quickly knelt beside her and took her hands.
“Dear Norah!” he said, exultantly. “It is you, it is you I love! You never guessed it, did you? ’Tis you I meant all the time. Now I can speak. Let me make you forget the past. We have both suffered; let us shut out the world, and live for each other. Norah, do you hear me say I love you?”
“Dear Norah!” he said excitedly. “It’s you, it’s you I love! You never guessed it, did you? It’s been you all along. Now I can finally speak. Let me help you forget the past. We’ve both been through a lot; let’s block out the world and focus on each other. Norah, do you hear me saying I love you?”
“In spite of—”
“Even though—”
“Rather say because of it. You have come out of your past noble and good. Your heart is an angel’s. Give it to me.”
“Instead, say it's because of it. You've emerged from your past noble and good. Your heart is like an angel’s. Give it to me.”
“A little while ago you feared the future too much to even speak.”
“A little while ago, you were so afraid of the future that you didn’t even want to talk.”
“But for you; not for myself. Can you love me?”
“But for you; not for myself. Can you love me?”
She cast herself, wildly sobbing, upon his breast.
She threw herself onto his chest, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Better than life—than truth itself—than everything.”
“Better than life—better than truth itself—better than anything.”
“And my own past,” said Lorison, with a note of solicitude—“can you forgive and—”
“And my own past,” said Lorison, sounding concerned—“can you forgive and—”
“I answered you that,” she whispered, “when I told you I loved you.” She leaned away, and looked thoughtfully at him. “If I had not told you about myself, would you have—would you—”
“I answered you that,” she whispered, “when I told you I loved you.” She leaned away and looked thoughtfully at him. “If I hadn’t told you about myself, would you have—would you—”
“No,” he interrupted; “I would never have let you know I loved you. I would never have asked you this—Norah, will you be my wife?”
“No,” he interrupted; “I would never have let you know I loved you. I would never have asked you this—Norah, will you marry me?”
She wept again.
She cried again.
“Oh, believe me; I am good now—I am no longer wicked! I will be the best wife in the world. Don’t think I am—bad any more. If you do I shall die, I shall die!”
“Oh, believe me; I’m good now—I’m no longer bad! I will be the best wife in the world. Don’t think I’m—bad anymore. If you do, I’ll die, I’ll die!”
While he was consoling, her, she brightened up, eager and impetuous. “Will you marry me to-night?” she said. “Will you prove it that way. I have a reason for wishing it to be to-night. Will you?”
While he was comforting her, she perked up, excited and impulsive. “Will you marry me tonight?” she asked. “Will you show me that way? I have a reason for wanting it to be tonight. Will you?”
Of one of two things was this exceeding frankness the outcome: either of importunate brazenness or of utter innocence. The lover’s perspective contained only the one.
Of one of two things was this extreme honesty the result: either of persistent boldness or complete innocence. The lover’s view held only the one.
“The sooner,” said Lorison, “the happier I shall be.”
“The sooner,” said Lorison, “the happier I’ll be.”
“What is there to do?” she asked. “What do you have to get? Come! You should know.”
“What’s there to do?” she asked. “What do you need to get? Come on! You should know.”
Her energy stirred the dreamer to action.
Her energy motivated the dreamer to take action.
“A city directory first,” he cried, gayly, “to find where the man lives who gives licenses to happiness. We will go together and rout him out. Cabs, cars, policemen, telephones and ministers shall aid us.”
“A city directory first,” he said cheerfully, “to find out where the guy lives who hands out licenses for happiness. We’ll go together and track him down. Cabs, cars, cops, phones, and ministers will help us.”
“Father Rogan shall marry us,” said the girl, with ardour. “I will take you to him.”
“Father Rogan will marry us,” the girl said eagerly. “I’ll take you to him.”
An hour later the two stood at the open doorway of an immense, gloomy brick building in a narrow and lonely street. The license was tight in Norah’s hand.
An hour later, the two stood at the open doorway of a huge, dark brick building on a narrow and lonely street. The license was clutched tightly in Norah’s hand.
“Wait here a moment,” she said, “till I find Father Rogan.”
“Wait here a minute,” she said, “until I find Father Rogan.”
She plunged into the black hallway, and the lover was left standing, as it were, on one leg, outside. His impatience was not greatly taxed. Gazing curiously into what seemed the hallway to Erebus, he was presently reassured by a stream of light that bisected the darkness, far down the passage. Then he heard her call, and fluttered lampward, like the moth. She beckoned him through a doorway into the room whence emanated the light. The room was bare of nearly everything except books, which had subjugated all its space. Here and there little spots of territory had been reconquered. An elderly, bald man, with a superlatively calm, remote eye, stood by a table with a book in his hand, his finger still marking a page. His dress was sombre and appertained to a religious order. His eye denoted an acquaintance with the perspective.
She rushed into the dark hallway, leaving her lover standing outside, almost like he was on one leg. His impatience wasn't tested much. Curiously looking into what seemed like the entrance to a shadowy world, he soon felt reassured by a beam of light cutting through the darkness at the end of the passage. Then he heard her call, and he hurried toward the light like a moth. She motioned for him to come through a doorway into the room where the light was coming from. The room was nearly empty, except for books that took up all the space. Here and there, small areas had been reclaimed. An elderly, bald man stood by a table with a book in his hand, his finger still on a page. He wore dark, somber clothing that belonged to a religious order. His gaze showed a wisdom that came from understanding a bigger picture.
“Father Rogan,” said Norah, “this is he.”
“Father Rogan,” said Norah, “this is him.”
“The two of ye,” said Father Rogan, “want to get married?”
“The two of you,” said Father Rogan, “want to get married?”
They did not deny it. He married them. The ceremony was quickly done. One who could have witnessed it, and felt its scope, might have trembled at the terrible inadequacy of it to rise to the dignity of its endless chain of results.
They didn't deny it. He married them. The ceremony was over quickly. Anyone who could have seen it and understood its significance might have shuddered at how painfully insufficient it was to match the seriousness of its infinite consequences.
Afterward the priest spake briefly, as if by rote, of certain other civil and legal addenda that either might or should, at a later time, cap the ceremony. Lorison tendered a fee, which was declined, and before the door closed after the departing couple Father Rogan’s book popped open again where his finger marked it.
After that, the priest spoke briefly, almost like he was reciting from memory, about some other civil and legal details that could potentially wrap up the ceremony later on. Lorison offered a fee, which was refused, and just before the door shut behind the departing couple, Father Rogan's book flipped open again to where his finger was marking the page.
In the dark hall Norah whirled and clung to her companion, tearful.
In the dim hall, Norah spun around and held onto her friend, tears in her eyes.
“Will you never, never be sorry?”
“Will you never, ever feel sorry?”
At last she was reassured.
Finally, she felt reassured.
At the first light they reached upon the street, she asked the time, just as she had each night. Lorison looked at his watch. Half-past eight.
At first light when they hit the street, she asked what time it was, just like she did every night. Lorison checked his watch. It was half-past eight.
Lorison thought it was from habit that she guided their steps toward the corner where they always parted. But, arrived there, she hesitated, and then released his arm. A drug store stood on the corner; its bright, soft light shone upon them.
Lorison thought she was just used to leading them to the corner where they always said goodbye. But when they got there, she paused and let go of his arm. A drugstore was on the corner, its warm, inviting light illuminating them.
“Please leave me here as usual to-night,” said Norah, sweetly. “I must—I would rather you would. You will not object? At six to-morrow evening I will meet you at Antonio’s. I want to sit with you there once more. And then—I will go where you say.” She gave him a bewildering, bright smile, and walked swiftly away.
“Please leave me here as you usually do tonight,” Norah said sweetly. “I must—I’d prefer you to. You won’t mind, right? I’ll meet you at Antonio’s tomorrow evening at six. I want to sit with you there one more time. And then—I’ll go wherever you want.” She gave him a dazzling smile and walked away quickly.
Surely it needed all the strength of her charm to carry off this astounding behaviour. It was no discredit to Lorison’s strength of mind that his head began to whirl. Pocketing his hands, he rambled vacuously over to the druggist’s windows, and began assiduously to spell over the names of the patent medicines therein displayed.
Surely she needed all her charm to pull off this shocking behavior. It didn't take away from Lorison's strength of mind that his head started to spin. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he aimlessly wandered over to the drugstore windows and began diligently reading the names of the patent medicines on display.
As soon as he had recovered his wits, he proceeded along the street in an aimless fashion. After drifting for two or three squares, he flowed into a somewhat more pretentious thoroughfare, a way much frequented by him in his solitary ramblings. For here was a row of shops devoted to traffic in goods of the widest range of choice—handiworks of art, skill and fancy, products of nature and labour from every zone.
As soon as he got his thoughts together, he wandered down the street without any specific direction. After aimlessly drifting for two or three blocks, he found himself on a more upscale street, one he often visited during his solitary walks. It was lined with shops offering a diverse range of items—artistic crafts, skilled creations, imaginative goods, and natural products sourced from all over the world.
Here, for a time, he loitered among the conspicuous windows, where was set, emphasized by congested floods of light, the cunningest spoil of the interiors. There were few passers, and of this Lorison was glad. He was not of the world. For a long time he had touched his fellow man only at the gear of a levelled cog-wheel—at right angles, and upon a different axis. He had dropped into a distinctly new orbit. The stroke of ill fortune had acted upon him, in effect, as a blow delivered upon the apex of a certain ingenious toy, the musical top, which, when thus buffeted while spinning, gives forth, with scarcely retarded motion, a complete change of key and chord.
Here, for a while, he hung around the prominent windows, where the most clever treasures of the interior were highlighted by a bright flood of light. There were few people passing by, and Lorison was relieved about that. He didn’t belong to the world. For a long time, he had only interacted with others at the gear of a levelled cogwheel—perpendicular and on a different axis. He had entered a completely new orbit. The impact of bad luck had affected him like a hit to the top of a clever toy, the musical top, which, when jolted while spinning, produces a slightly altered sound, changing its key and chord without slowing down much.
Strolling along the pacific avenue, he experienced singular, supernatural calm, accompanied by an unusual activity of brain. Reflecting upon recent affairs, he assured himself of his happiness in having won for a bride the one he had so greatly desired, yet he wondered mildly at his dearth of active emotion. Her strange behaviour in abandoning him without valid excuse on his bridal eve aroused in him only a vague and curious speculation. Again, he found himself contemplating, with complaisant serenity, the incidents of her somewhat lively career. His perspective seemed to have been queerly shifted.
Strolling down Pacific Avenue, he felt a strange, supernatural calm and an unusual surge of thoughts. Reflecting on recent events, he reassured himself of his happiness in having won the bride he had always wanted, but he couldn't help but feel puzzled by his lack of strong emotions. Her odd behavior in leaving him without a good reason on the night before their wedding only sparked a vague curiosity in him. Once again, he found himself calmly contemplating the incidents of her somewhat eventful life. His perspective seemed oddly altered.
As he stood before a window near a corner, his ears were assailed by a waxing clamour and commotion. He stood close to the window to allow passage to the cause of the hubbub—a procession of human beings, which rounded the corner and headed in his direction. He perceived a salient hue of blue and a glitter of brass about a central figure of dazzling white and silver, and a ragged wake of black, bobbing figures.
As he stood by a window in the corner, he was overwhelmed by a growing noise and chaos. He moved closer to the window to make way for the source of the commotion—a parade of people that turned the corner and approached him. He noticed a bright shade of blue and a shine of brass surrounding a central figure in striking white and silver, with a disorganized trail of black, bouncing figures behind.
Two ponderous policemen were conducting between them a woman dressed as if for the stage, in a short, white, satiny skirt reaching to the knees, pink stockings, and a sort of sleeveless bodice bright with relucent, armour-like scales. Upon her curly, light hair was perched, at a rollicking angle, a shining tin helmet. The costume was to be instantly recognized as one of those amazing conceptions to which competition has harried the inventors of the spectacular ballet. One of the officers bore a long cloak upon his arm, which, doubtless, had been intended to veil the candid attractions of their effulgent prisoner, but, for some reason, it had not been called into use, to the vociferous delight of the tail of the procession.
Two heavyset policemen were leading a woman dressed like she was on stage, in a short, shiny white skirt that reached her knees, pink stockings, and a sleeveless top sparkling with shiny, armor-like scales. On her curly, light hair, she wore a shiny tin helmet at a playful angle. The costume was easily recognizable as one of those outrageous designs that have kept the inventors of spectacular ballet on their toes. One of the officers had a long cloak draped over his arm, probably meant to cover up the striking features of their bold prisoner, but for some reason, it hadn’t been used, much to the loud delight of the crowd trailing behind.
Compelled by a sudden and vigorous movement of the woman, the parade halted before the window by which Lorison stood. He saw that she was young, and, at the first glance, was deceived by a sophistical prettiness of her face, which waned before a more judicious scrutiny. Her look was bold and reckless, and upon her countenance, where yet the contours of youth survived, were the finger-marks of old age’s credentialed courier, Late Hours.
Compelled by a sudden and vigorous movement of the woman, the parade stopped in front of the window where Lorison stood. He noticed that she was young, and at first glance, he was misled by the superficially attractive features of her face, which faded under a more careful examination. Her expression was daring and carefree, and on her face, where the shapes of youth still lingered, were the unmistakable signs of old age's harbinger, Late Hours.
The young woman fixed her unshrinking gaze upon Lorison, and called to him in the voice of the wronged heroine in straits:
The young woman held her steady gaze on Lorison and called out to him in the voice of a wronged heroine in distress:
“Say! You look like a good fellow; come and put up the bail, won’t you? I’ve done nothing to get pinched for. It’s all a mistake. See how they’re treating me! You won’t be sorry, if you’ll help me out of this. Think of your sister or your girl being dragged along the streets this way! I say, come along now, like a good fellow.”
“Hey! You seem like a decent guy; come and put up the bail, will you? I haven’t done anything to get arrested for. This is all a mistake. Look at how they’re treating me! You won’t regret it if you help me out of this. Imagine your sister or your girlfriend being dragged around the streets like this! Come on now, be a good guy.”
It may be that Lorison, in spite of the unconvincing bathos of this appeal, showed a sympathetic face, for one of the officers left the woman’s side, and went over to him.
It’s possible that Lorison, despite the unconvincing sentimentality of this plea, displayed a sympathetic expression, as one of the officers stepped away from the woman and approached him.
“It’s all right, Sir,” he said, in a husky, confidential tone; “she’s the right party. We took her after the first act at the Green Light Theatre, on a wire from the chief of police of Chicago. It’s only a square or two to the station. Her rig’s pretty bad, but she refused to change clothes—or, rather,” added the officer, with a smile, “to put on some. I thought I’d explain matters to you so you wouldn’t think she was being imposed upon.”
“It’s all good, Sir,” he said in a low, confidential tone; “she’s the right person. We picked her up after the first act at the Green Light Theatre, on a tip from the chief of police in Chicago. It’s just a block or two to the station. Her outfit’s pretty rough, but she wouldn’t change clothes—or, rather,” the officer added with a smile, “to put any on. I figured I’d explain things to you so you wouldn’t think she was being taken advantage of.”
“What is the charge?” asked Lorison.
“What’s the charge?” Lorison asked.
“Grand larceny. Diamonds. Her husband is a jeweller in Chicago. She cleaned his show case of the sparklers, and skipped with a comic-opera troupe.”
“Grand larceny. Diamonds. Her husband is a jeweler in Chicago. She cleared out his display case of the jewels and ran off with a comedic theater group.”
The policeman, perceiving that the interest of the entire group of spectators was centred upon himself and Lorison—their conference being regarded as a possible new complication—was fain to prolong the situation—which reflected his own importance—by a little afterpiece of philosophical comment.
The policeman, noticing that everyone's attention was focused on him and Lorison—their conversation seen as a potential new twist—was eager to stretch out the moment—which boosted his sense of importance—by adding a bit of philosophical commentary.
“A gentleman like you, Sir,” he went on affably, “would never notice it, but it comes in my line to observe what an immense amount of trouble is made by that combination—I mean the stage, diamonds and light-headed women who aren’t satisfied with good homes. I tell you, Sir, a man these days and nights wants to know what his women folks are up to.”
“A guy like you, Sir,” he continued pleasantly, “would never notice it, but it’s my job to see how much trouble that mix causes—I mean the stage, diamonds, and carefree women who aren’t happy with good homes. I tell you, Sir, these days a man wants to know what his women are up to.”
The policeman smiled a good night, and returned to the side of his charge, who had been intently watching Lorison’s face during the conversation, no doubt for some indication of his intention to render succour. Now, at the failure of the sign, and at the movement made to continue the ignominious progress, she abandoned hope, and addressed him thus, pointedly:
The police officer smiled goodnight and went back to his charge, who had been closely watching Lorison's face during the conversation, likely looking for any sign that he intended to help. Now, seeing no sign and noticing the movement to continue the humiliating progress, she gave up hope and spoke to him directly:
“You damn chalk-faced quitter! You was thinking of giving me a hand, but you let the cop talk you out of it the first word. You’re a dandy to tie to. Say, if you ever get a girl, she’ll have a picnic. Won’t she work you to the queen’s taste! Oh, my!” She concluded with a taunting, shrill laugh that rasped Lorison like a saw. The policemen urged her forward; the delighted train of gaping followers closed up the rear; and the captive Amazon, accepting her fate, extended the scope of her maledictions so that none in hearing might seem to be slighted.
“You damn chalk-faced loser! You were thinking of helping me, but you let the cop talk you out of it with the first word. You're such a pain to deal with. Just imagine if you ever get a girlfriend; she'll really put you through the wringer! Oh, my!” She finished with a mocking, high-pitched laugh that grated on Lorison like a saw. The policemen pushed her forward; the eager crowd of onlookers followed closely behind; and the trapped Amazon, accepting her situation, expanded her insults so that no one within earshot would feel left out.
Then there came upon Lorison an overwhelming revulsion of his perspective. It may be that he had been ripe for it, that the abnormal condition of mind in which he had for so long existed was already about to revert to its balance; however, it is certain that the events of the last few minutes had furnished the channel, if not the impetus, for the change.
Then Lorison was hit by an overwhelming shift in his perspective. He might have been ready for it, as the unusual state of mind he had been in for so long was about to return to normal; however, it's clear that the events of the last few minutes had provided the avenue, if not the motivation, for this change.
The initial determining influence had been so small a thing as the fact and manner of his having been approached by the officer. That agent had, by the style of his accost, restored the loiterer to his former place in society. In an instant he had been transformed from a somewhat rancid prowler along the fishy side streets of gentility into an honest gentleman, with whom even so lordly a guardian of the peace might agreeably exchange the compliments.
The initial deciding factor had been something as minor as how the officer approached him. That officer, through his manner of speaking, had reinstated the loiterer to his previous status in society. In a moment, he had been changed from a slightly unsavory figure lurking in the sketchy side streets of respectability into a respectable gentleman, with whom even a lofty protector of the peace could pleasantly exchange pleasantries.
This, then, first broke the spell, and set thrilling in him a resurrected longing for the fellowship of his kind, and the rewards of the virtuous. To what end, he vehemently asked himself, was this fanciful self-accusation, this empty renunciation, this moral squeamishness through which he had been led to abandon what was his heritage in life, and not beyond his deserts? Technically, he was uncondemned; his sole guilty spot was in thought rather than deed, and cognizance of it unshared by others. For what good, moral or sentimental, did he slink, retreating like the hedgehog from his own shadow, to and fro in this musty Bohemia that lacked even the picturesque?
This finally broke the spell and reignited a thrilling desire in him for the company of his peers and the rewards of being virtuous. He repeatedly asked himself, what was the point of this fanciful self-blame, this empty renunciation, this moral discomfort that led him to give up what was rightfully his and well within his grasp? Technically, he hadn’t been condemned; his only guilt lay in thoughts rather than actions, and no one else was aware of it. What good, whether moral or sentimental, did it do for him to slink back like a hedgehog avoiding its own shadow, wandering aimlessly in this stale Bohemia that lacked even charm?
But the thing that struck home and set him raging was the part played by the Amazonian prisoner. To the counterpart of that astounding belligerent—identical at least, in the way of experience—to one, by her own confession, thus far fallen, had he, not three hours since, been united in marriage. How desirable and natural it had seemed to him then, and how monstrous it seemed now! How the words of diamond thief number two yet burned in his ears: “If you ever get a girl, she’ll have a picnic.” What did that mean but that women instinctively knew him for one they could hoodwink? Still again, there reverberated the policeman’s sapient contribution to his agony: “A man these days and nights wants to know what his women folks are up to.” Oh, yes, he had been a fool; he had looked at things from the wrong standpoint.
But what really hit him hard and made him furious was the role of the Amazonian prisoner. Just hours ago, he had married someone who was just as fierce and battle-ready as she was, and now he realized how monstrous that seemed! How desirable and natural it had felt to him back then! He could still hear the words of the second diamond thief echoing in his mind: “If you ever get a girl, she’ll have a picnic.” What did that mean if not that women instinctively saw him as someone they could deceive? Once more, he recalled the police officer's wise words that added to his suffering: “A man these days and nights wants to know what his women folks are up to.” Oh, yes, he had been a fool; he had been looking at things from the wrong perspective.
But the wildest note in all the clamour was struck by pain’s forefinger, jealousy. Now, at least, he felt that keenest sting—a mounting love unworthily bestowed. Whatever she might be, he loved her; he bore in his own breast his doom. A grating, comic flavour to his predicament struck him suddenly, and he laughed creakingly as he swung down the echoing pavement. An impetuous desire to act, to battle with his fate, seized him. He stopped upon his heel, and smote his palms together triumphantly. His wife was—where? But there was a tangible link; an outlet more or less navigable, through which his derelict ship of matrimony might yet be safely towed—the priest!
But the loudest note in all the noise was struck by the pain of jealousy. Now, he felt that sharpest sting—a growing love that wasn’t truly deserved. No matter what she was, he loved her; he carried his fate within him. A funny, ironic twist to his situation hit him suddenly, and he let out a creaky laugh as he walked down the echoing pavement. An overwhelming urge to take action, to fight against his fate, took hold of him. He stopped abruptly and clapped his hands together triumphantly. His wife was—where? But there was a solid link; a somewhat navigable way through which his abandoned marriage could still be salvaged—the priest!
Like all imaginative men with pliable natures, Lorison was, when thoroughly stirred, apt to become tempestuous. With a high and stubborn indignation upon him, be retraced his steps to the intersecting street by which he had come. Down this he hurried to the corner where he had parted with—an astringent grimace tinctured the thought—his wife. Thence still back he harked, following through an unfamiliar district his stimulated recollections of the way they had come from that preposterous wedding. Many times he went abroad, and nosed his way back to the trail, furious.
Like all creative people who can easily adapt, Lorison would become fierce when deeply upset. With a strong and stubborn anger, he retraced his steps to the street he had originally come from. He hurried down to the corner where he had separated from—an unpleasant grimace crossed his mind—his wife. From there, he continued back, navigating through an unfamiliar area, recalling the path they had taken from that ridiculous wedding. He went out many times, trying to find his way back, filled with rage.
At last, when he reached the dark, calamitous building in which his madness had culminated, and found the black hallway, he dashed down it, perceiving no light or sound. But he raised his voice, hailing loudly; reckless of everything but that he should find the old mischief-maker with the eyes that looked too far away to see the disaster he had wrought. The door opened, and in the stream of light Father Rogan stood, his book in hand, with his finger marking the place.
At last, when he reached the dark, chaotic building where his madness had peaked, and found the shadowy hallway, he rushed down it, seeing no light or hearing any sound. But he shouted loudly, caring about nothing except finding the old troublemaker with the eyes that seemed too distant to recognize the destruction he had caused. The door opened, and in the beam of light stood Father Rogan, holding his book, with his finger marking the spot.
“Ah!” cried Lorison. “You are the man I want. I had a wife of you a few hours ago. I would not trouble you, but I neglected to note how it was done. Will you oblige me with the information whether the business is beyond remedy?”
“Ah!” shouted Lorison. “You’re the person I need. I had a wife from you a few hours ago. I don’t want to bother you, but I forgot to pay attention to how it was done. Can you please tell me if this situation is beyond repair?”
“Come inside,” said the priest; “there are other lodgers in the house, who might prefer sleep to even a gratified curiosity.”
“Come in,” said the priest; “there are other guests in the house who might choose sleep over even a satisfied curiosity.”
Lorison entered the room and took the chair offered him. The priest’s eyes looked a courteous interrogation.
Lorison walked into the room and sat in the chair that was offered to him. The priest's eyes had a polite questioning look.
“I must apologize again,” said the young man, “for so soon intruding upon you with my marital infelicities, but, as my wife has neglected to furnish me with her address, I am deprived of the legitimate recourse of a family row.”
“I must apologize again,” said the young man, “for intruding on you so soon with my marriage troubles, but since my wife hasn’t given me her address, I can’t properly deal with this family conflict.”
“I am quite a plain man,” said Father Rogan, pleasantly; “but I do not see how I am to ask you questions.”
“I’m just an ordinary guy,” Father Rogan said with a friendly tone, “but I don’t see how I’m supposed to ask you questions.”
“Pardon my indirectness,” said Lorison; “I will ask one. In this room to-night you pronounced me to be a husband. You afterward spoke of additional rites or performances that either should or could be effected. I paid little attention to your words then, but I am hungry to hear them repeated now. As matters stand, am I married past all help?”
“Sorry for being indirect,” said Lorison; “I have a question. In this room tonight, you called me a husband. You then mentioned more rituals or actions that should or could take place. I didn't pay much attention to what you said back then, but now I'm eager to hear it again. As things are, am I totally married with no way out?”
“You are as legally and as firmly bound,” said the priest, “as though it had been done in a cathedral, in the presence of thousands. The additional observances I referred to are not necessary to the strictest legality of the act, but were advised as a precaution for the future—for convenience of proof in such contingencies as wills, inheritances and the like.”
“You are as legally and firmly bound,” said the priest, “as if it had happened in a cathedral, in front of thousands. The extra rituals I mentioned aren’t required for the legality of the act, but they are recommended as a precaution for the future—for the sake of proving things like wills, inheritances, and similar situations.”
Lorison laughed harshly.
Lorison laughed bitterly.
“Many thanks,” he said. “Then there is no mistake, and I am the happy benedict. I suppose I should go stand upon the bridal corner, and when my wife gets through walking the streets she will look me up.”
“Thanks a lot,” he said. “So there’s no mistake, and I’m the happy husband. I guess I should go stand at the wedding spot, and when my wife is done walking around, she’ll come find me.”
Father Rogan regarded him calmly.
Father Rogan looked at him calmly.
“My son,” he said, “when a man and woman come to me to be married I always marry them. I do this for the sake of other people whom they might go away and marry if they did not marry each other. As you see, I do not seek your confidence; but your case seems to me to be one not altogether devoid of interest. Very few marriages that have come to my notice have brought such well-expressed regret within so short a time. I will hazard one question: were you not under the impression that you loved the lady you married, at the time you did so;”
“My son,” he said, “when a man and woman come to me wanting to get married, I always go through with it. I do this for the sake of others they might go off and marry if they didn’t marry each other. As you can see, I’m not looking for your trust; but your situation seems to me to be one that’s not completely lacking in interest. Very few marriages I’ve seen have shown such clear regret in such a short time. Let me ask one question: didn’t you think you loved the woman you married at the time you did?”
“Loved her!” cried Lorison, wildly. “Never so well as now, though she told me she deceived and sinned and stole. Never more than now, when, perhaps, she is laughing at the fool she cajoled and left, with scarcely a word, to return to God only knows what particular line of her former folly.”
“Loved her!” shouted Lorison, frantically. “Never as much as I do now, even though she admitted she lied, sinned, and took things that weren't hers. Never more than now, when, maybe, she’s laughing at the fool she tricked and abandoned, with barely a word, to go back to God knows what part of her past craziness.”
Father Rogan answered nothing. During the silence that succeeded, he sat with a quiet expectation beaming in his full, lambent eye.
Father Rogan said nothing. In the silence that followed, he sat with a calm anticipation shining in his bright, expressive eye.
“If you would listen—” began Lorison. The priest held up his hand.
“If you would listen—” began Lorison. The priest raised his hand.
“As I hoped,” he said. “I thought you would trust me. Wait but a moment.” He brought a long clay pipe, filled and lighted it.
“As I hoped,” he said. “I thought you would trust me. Just wait a moment.” He got a long clay pipe, filled it, and lit it.
“Now, my son,” he said.
"Now, my son," he said.
Lorison poured a twelve month’s accumulated confidence into Father Rogan’s ear. He told all; not sparing himself or omitting the facts of his past, the events of the night, or his disturbing conjectures and fears.
Lorison shared a year's worth of built-up confidence with Father Rogan. He revealed everything; he didn’t hold back about himself or leave out the details of his past, the events of the night, or his troubling thoughts and fears.
“The main point,” said the priest, when he had concluded, “seems to me to be this—are you reasonably sure that you love this woman whom you have married?”
“The main point,” said the priest when he finished, “seems to me to be this—are you reasonably sure that you love this woman you’ve married?”
“Why,” exclaimed Lorison, rising impulsively to his feet—“why should I deny it? But look at me—am I fish, flesh or fowl? That is the main point to me, I assure you.”
“Why,” Lorison exclaimed, getting up impulsively—“why should I deny it? But look at me—am I fish, meat, or bird? That is the main point for me, I assure you.”
“I understand you,” said the priest, also rising, and laying down his pipe. “The situation is one that has taxed the endurance of much older men than you—in fact, especially much older men than you. I will try to relieve you from it, and this night. You shall see for yourself into exactly what predicament you have fallen, and how you shall, possibly, be extricated. There is no evidence so credible as that of the eyesight.”
“I get you,” said the priest, also getting up and putting down his pipe. “This situation has tested the patience of men much older than you—in fact, especially men much older than you. I’ll try to help you with it tonight. You’ll see for yourself exactly what mess you’ve gotten into and how you might be able to get out of it. There’s no evidence as convincing as what you can see with your own eyes.”
Father Rogan moved about the room, and donned a soft black hat. Buttoning his coat to his throat, he laid his hand on the doorknob. “Let us walk,” he said.
Father Rogan moved around the room and put on a soft black hat. Buttoning his coat up to his throat, he placed his hand on the doorknob. “Let’s go for a walk,” he said.
The two went out upon the street. The priest turned his face down it, and Lorison walked with him through a squalid district, where the houses loomed, awry and desolate-looking, high above them. Presently they turned into a less dismal side street, where the houses were smaller, and, though hinting of the most meagre comfort, lacked the concentrated wretchedness of the more populous byways.
The two went out onto the street. The priest looked down the road, and Lorison walked with him through a rundown area, where the houses towered, crooked and looking abandoned, high above them. Soon, they turned into a less grim side street, where the houses were smaller and, while suggesting a bare minimum of comfort, didn't have the intense misery of the busier paths.
At a segregated, two-story house Father Rogan halted, and mounted the steps with the confidence of a familiar visitor. He ushered Lorison into a narrow hallway, faintly lighted by a cobwebbed hanging lamp. Almost immediately a door to the right opened and a dingy Irishwoman protruded her head.
At a segregated, two-story house, Father Rogan stopped and climbed the steps with the confidence of someone who knew the place well. He led Lorison into a narrow hallway, dimly lit by a dusty hanging lamp. Almost right away, a door on the right opened and a shabby Irishwoman stuck her head out.
“Good evening to ye, Mistress Geehan,” said the priest, unconsciously, it seemed, falling into a delicately flavoured brogue. “And is it yourself can tell me if Norah has gone out again, the night, maybe?”
“Good evening to you, Mistress Geehan,” said the priest, seemingly slipping into a lightly accented brogue. “Can you tell me if Norah has gone out again tonight, maybe?”
“Oh, it’s yer blissid riverence! Sure and I can tell ye the same. The purty darlin’ wint out, as usual, but a bit later. And she says: ‘Mother Geehan,’ says she, ‘it’s me last noight out, praise the saints, this noight is!’ And, oh, yer riverence, the swate, beautiful drame of a dress she had this toime! White satin and silk and ribbons, and lace about the neck and arrums—’twas a sin, yer reverence, the gold was spint upon it.”
“Oh, it’s your blessed reverence! I can tell you the same. The pretty darling went out, as usual, but a bit later. And she says: ‘Mother Geehan,’ she says, ‘it’s my last night out, thank the saints, tonight is!’ And, oh, your reverence, the sweet, beautiful dream of a dress she had this time! White satin and silk and ribbons, and lace around the neck and arms—it was a sin, your reverence, the gold that was spent on it.”
The priest heard Lorison catch his breath painfully, and a faint smile flickered across his own clean-cut mouth.
The priest heard Lorison gasp for air, and a faint smile crossed his own sharp-featured face.
“Well, then, Mistress Geehan,” said he, “I’ll just step upstairs and see the bit boy for a minute, and I’ll take this gentleman up with me.”
“Well, then, Ms. Geehan,” he said, “I’ll just head upstairs and check on the little boy for a minute, and I’ll bring this gentleman with me.”
“He’s awake, thin,” said the woman. “I’ve just come down from sitting wid him the last hour, tilling him fine shtories of ould County Tyrone. ’Tis a greedy gossoon, it is, yer riverence, for me shtories.”
“He's awake, really thin,” said the woman. “I've just come from spending the last hour with him, telling him nice stories about old County Tyrone. He's quite the eager boy for my stories, your reverence.”
“Small the doubt,” said Father Rogan. “There’s no rocking would put him to slape the quicker, I’m thinking.”
“Not much doubt about it,” said Father Rogan. “There’s no rocking that would lull him to sleep faster, I think.”
Amid the woman’s shrill protest against the retort, the two men ascended the steep stairway. The priest pushed open the door of a room near its top.
Amid the woman's loud protests against the response, the two men climbed up the steep staircase. The priest opened the door to a room near the top.
“Is that you already, sister?” drawled a sweet, childish voice from the darkness.
“Is that you already, sis?” called out a sweet, childlike voice from the shadows.
“It’s only ould Father Denny come to see ye, darlin’; and a foine gentleman I’ve brought to make ye a gr-r-and call. And ye resaves us fast aslape in bed! Shame on yez manners!”
“It’s just old Father Denny here to see you, darling; and a fine gentleman I’ve brought to pay you a grand visit. And you’re receiving us sound asleep in bed! Shame on your manners!”
“Oh, Father Denny, is that you? I’m glad. And will you light the lamp, please? It’s on the table by the door. And quit talking like Mother Geehan, Father Denny.”
“Oh, Father Denny, is that you? I'm so glad. Could you light the lamp, please? It's on the table by the door. And stop talking like Mother Geehan, Father Denny.”
The priest lit the lamp, and Lorison saw a tiny, towsled-haired boy, with a thin, delicate face, sitting up in a small bed in a corner. Quickly, also, his rapid glance considered the room and its contents. It was furnished with more than comfort, and its adornments plainly indicated a woman’s discerning taste. An open door beyond revealed the blackness of an adjoining room’s interior.
The priest lit the lamp, and Lorison saw a small, scruffy-haired boy with a thin, delicate face sitting up in a little bed in the corner. He quickly took in the room and its contents with a swift glance. It was furnished with more than just comfort, and its decor clearly showed a woman’s refined taste. An open door beyond revealed the darkness of the adjacent room’s interior.
The boy clutched both of Father Rogan’s hands. “I’m so glad you came,” he said; “but why did you come in the night? Did sister send you?”
The boy grabbed both of Father Rogan’s hands. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, “but why did you come at night? Did my sister send you?”
“Off wid ye! Am I to be sint about, at me age, as was Terence McShane, of Ballymahone? I come on me own r-r-responsibility.”
“Get lost! Am I supposed to be sent around, at my age, like Terence McShane from Ballymahone? I come here on my own responsibility.”
Lorison had also advanced to the boy’s bedside. He was fond of children; and the wee fellow, laying himself down to sleep alone in that dark room, stirred-his heart.
Lorison had also moved closer to the boy’s bedside. He liked kids, and seeing the little guy trying to sleep alone in that dark room tugged at his heart.
“Aren’t you afraid, little man?” he asked, stooping down beside him.
“Aren’t you scared, kid?” he asked, leaning down next to him.
“Sometimes,” answered the boy, with a shy smile, “when the rats make too much noise. But nearly every night, when sister goes out, Mother Geehan stays a while with me, and tells me funny stories. I’m not often afraid, sir.”
“Sometimes,” replied the boy with a shy smile, “when the rats make too much noise. But almost every night, when my sister goes out, Mother Geehan stays for a bit and tells me funny stories. I’m not really scared, sir.”
“This brave little gentleman,” said Father Rogan, “is a scholar of mine. Every day from half-past six to half-past eight—when sister comes for him—he stops in my study, and we find out what’s in the inside of books. He knows multiplication, division and fractions; and he’s troubling me to begin wid the chronicles of Ciaran of Clonmacnoise, Corurac McCullenan and Cuan O’Lochain, the gr-r-reat Irish histhorians.” The boy was evidently accustomed to the priest’s Celtic pleasantries. A little, appreciative grin was all the attention the insinuation of pedantry received.
“This brave little guy,” said Father Rogan, “is one of my students. Every day from 6:30 to 8:30—when his sister comes for him—he stays in my office, and we explore what’s inside books. He knows multiplication, division, and fractions; and he’s been pestering me to start with the chronicles of Ciaran of Clonmacnoise, Corurac McCullenan, and Cuan O’Lochain, the great Irish historians.” The boy clearly was used to the priest’s Celtic jokes. A little, appreciative grin was all the response the hint of pretentiousness got.
Lorison, to have saved his life, could not have put to the child one of those vital questions that were wildly beating about, unanswered, in his own brain. The little fellow was very like Norah; he had the same shining hair and candid eyes.
Lorison, to have saved his life, couldn't have asked the child one of those crucial questions that were racing around, unanswered, in his own mind. The little guy resembled Norah a lot; he had the same shiny hair and honest eyes.
“Oh, Father Denny,” cried the boy, suddenly, “I forgot to tell you! Sister is not going away at night any more! She told me so when she kissed me good night as she was leaving. And she said she was so happy, and then she cried. Wasn’t that queer? But I’m glad; aren’t you?”
“Oh, Father Denny,” the boy suddenly exclaimed, “I forgot to tell you! Sister isn’t going away at night anymore! She told me that when she kissed me goodnight before she left. And she said she was so happy, and then she cried. Isn’t that strange? But I’m glad; aren’t you?”
“Yes, lad. And now, ye omadhaun, go to sleep, and say good night; we must be going.”
“Yes, kid. And now, you fool, go to sleep and say good night; we need to get going.”
“Which shall I do first, Father Denny?”
“Which one should I do first, Father Denny?”
“Faith, he’s caught me again! Wait till I get the sassenach into the annals of Tageruach, the hagiographer; I’ll give him enough of the Irish idiom to make him more respectful.”
“Faith, he’s caught me again! Just wait until I get the sassenach into the records of Tageruach, the hagiographer; I’ll give him enough of the Irish slang to make him more respectful.”
The light was out, and the small, brave voice bidding them good night from the dark room. They groped downstairs, and tore away from the garrulity of Mother Geehan.
The light was off, and a small, brave voice wished them good night from the dark room. They fumbled their way downstairs and escaped from Mother Geehan's chatter.
Again the priest steered them through the dim ways, but this time in another direction. His conductor was serenely silent, and Lorison followed his example to the extent of seldom speaking. Serene he could not be. His heart beat suffocatingly in his breast. The following of this blind, menacing trail was pregnant with he knew not what humiliating revelation to be delivered at its end.
Again the priest guided them through the dim paths, but this time in a different direction. His guide was quietly calm, and Lorison tried to keep quiet too, speaking only rarely. He couldn't feel calm. His heart pounded heavily in his chest. Following this blind, threatening path was filled with an unknown, embarrassing revelation waiting for him at the end.
They came into a more pretentious street, where trade, it could be surmised, flourished by day. And again the priest paused; this time before a lofty building, whose great doors and windows in the lowest floor were carefully shuttered and barred. Its higher apertures were dark, save in the third story, the windows of which were brilliantly lighted. Lorison’s ear caught a distant, regular, pleasing thrumming, as of music above. They stood at an angle of the building. Up, along the side nearest them, mounted an iron stairway. At its top was an upright, illuminated parallelogram. Father Rogan had stopped, and stood, musing.
They entered a fancier street, where it seemed like business thrived during the day. The priest paused again, this time in front of a tall building, whose large doors and windows on the ground floor were tightly shut and barred. The upper windows were dark, except for the third floor, where the lights shone brightly. Lorison heard a distant, steady, nice thumping, like music coming from above. They stood at an angle of the building. An iron staircase ran up along the side closest to them. At the top was a bright, rectangular window. Father Rogan had stopped and stood lost in thought.
“I will say this much,” he remarked, thoughtfully: “I believe you to be a better man than you think yourself to be, and a better man than I thought some hours ago. But do not take this,” he added, with a smile, “as much praise. I promised you a possible deliverance from an unhappy perplexity. I will have to modify that promise. I can only remove the mystery that enhanced that perplexity. Your deliverance depends upon yourself. Come.”
“I'll say this much,” he said, thinking it over: “I believe you're a better person than you think you are, and even better than I thought just a few hours ago. But don’t take this,” he added with a smile, “as too much praise. I promised you a possible way out of an unhappy situation. I need to change that promise. I can only clear up the mystery that made it more confusing. Your way out depends on you. Come.”
He led his companion up the stairway. Halfway up, Lorison caught him by the sleeve. “Remember,” he gasped, “I love that woman.”
He led his friend up the stairs. Halfway up, Lorison grabbed his sleeve. “Remember,” he gasped, “I love that woman.”
“You desired to know.
"You wanted to know."
“I—Go on.”
"Go ahead."
The priest reached the landing at the top of the stairway. Lorison, behind him, saw that the illuminated space was the glass upper half of a door opening into the lighted room. The rhythmic music increased as they neared it; the stairs shook with the mellow vibrations.
The priest reached the top of the stairs. Lorison, behind him, noticed that the brightly lit area was the glass upper part of a door leading into the well-lit room. The rhythmic music grew louder as they got closer; the stairs vibrated with the warm sounds.
Lorison stopped breathing when he set foot upon the highest step, for the priest stood aside, and motioned him to look through the glass of the door.
Lorison stopped breathing when he stepped onto the highest step, because the priest stepped aside and gestured for him to look through the glass of the door.
His eye, accustomed to the darkness, met first a blinding glare, and then he made out the faces and forms of many people, amid an extravagant display of splendid robings—billowy laces, brilliant-hued finery, ribbons, silks and misty drapery. And then he caught the meaning of that jarring hum, and he saw the tired, pale, happy face of his wife, bending, as were a score of others, over her sewing machine—toiling, toiling. Here was the folly she pursued, and the end of his quest.
His eyes, used to the dark, were first hit by a blinding light, and then he began to see the faces and shapes of many people, surrounded by an extravagant display of beautiful clothing—flowing laces, bright-colored outfits, ribbons, silks, and sheer fabrics. Then he understood the source of that annoying noise, and he saw the exhausted, pale, happy face of his wife, like many others, bent over her sewing machine—working hard, working hard. This was the madness she was chasing, and the conclusion of his search.
But not his deliverance, though even then remorse struck him. His shamed soul fluttered once more before it retired to make room for the other and better one. For, to temper his thrill of joy, the shine of the satin and the glimmer of ornaments recalled the disturbing figure of the bespangled Amazon, and the base duplicate histories lit by the glare of footlights and stolen diamonds. It is past the wisdom of him who only sets the scenes, either to praise or blame the man. But this time his love overcame his scruples. He took a quick step, and reached out his hand for the doorknob. Father Rogan was quicker to arrest it and draw him back.
But not his escape, even though he still felt remorse. His ashamed soul fluttered once more before it faded away to make room for a better one. To temper his excitement, the shine of the satin and the sparkle of the ornaments reminded him of the unsettling figure of the glittering Amazon, and the shallow stories highlighted by the bright stage lights and stolen jewels. It’s beyond the understanding of someone who only sets the scenes to either praise or blame the man. But this time, his love won over his doubts. He took a quick step and reached for the doorknob. Father Rogan was quicker to stop him and pull him back.
“You use my trust in you queerly,” said the priest sternly. “What are you about to do?”
“You're using my trust in a strange way,” the priest said firmly. “What are you planning to do?”
“I am going to my wife,” said Lorison. “Let me pass.”
“I’m going to see my wife,” said Lorison. “Let me through.”
“Listen,” said the priest, holding him firmly by the arm. “I am about to put you in possession of a piece of knowledge of which, thus far, you have scarcely proved deserving. I do not think you ever will; but I will not dwell upon that. You see in that room the woman you married, working for a frugal living for herself, and a generous comfort for an idolized brother. This building belongs to the chief costumer of the city. For months the advance orders for the coming Mardi Gras festivals have kept the work going day and night. I myself secured employment here for Norah. She toils here each night from nine o’clock until daylight, and, besides, carries home with her some of the finer costumes, requiring more delicate needlework, and works there part of the day. Somehow, you two have remained strangely ignorant of each other’s lives. Are you convinced now that your wife is not walking the streets?”
“Listen,” said the priest, gripping him firmly by the arm. “I’m about to share a piece of knowledge that, until now, you’ve hardly shown you deserve. I doubt you ever will; but I won’t linger on that. In that room is the woman you married, working hard to make ends meet for herself while providing a comfortable life for her beloved brother. This building belongs to the top costume designer in the city. For months, the advance orders for the upcoming Mardi Gras festivals have kept the place busy day and night. I personally arranged for Norah to work here. She puts in long hours from nine at night until dawn, and on top of that, she takes home some of the more intricate costumes that need delicate stitching and works on them during part of the day. Somehow, you two have remained puzzlingly unaware of each other’s lives. Are you convinced now that your wife isn’t wandering the streets?”
“Let me go to her,” cried Lorison, again struggling, “and beg her forgiveness!’
“Let me go to her,” Lorison cried, struggling again, “and ask for her forgiveness!”
“Sir,” said the priest, “do you owe me nothing? Be quiet. It seems so often that Heaven lets fall its choicest gifts into hands that must be taught to hold them. Listen again. You forgot that repentant sin must not compromise, but look up, for redemption, to the purest and best. You went to her with the fine-spun sophistry that peace could be found in a mutual guilt; and she, fearful of losing what her heart so craved, thought it worth the price to buy it with a desperate, pure, beautiful lie. I have known her since the day she was born; she is as innocent and unsullied in life and deed as a holy saint. In that lowly street where she dwells she first saw the light, and she has lived there ever since, spending her days in generous self-sacrifice for others. Och, ye spalpeen!” continued Father Rogan, raising his finger in kindly anger at Lorison. “What for, I wonder, could she be after making a fool of hersilf, and shamin’ her swate soul with lies, for the like of you!”
“Sir,” said the priest, “don’t you owe me anything? Be quiet. It often seems like Heaven drops its greatest gifts into hands that still need to learn how to hold them. Listen again. You forgot that true repentance shouldn’t compromise; it should look up for redemption to the purest and the best. You approached her with the twisted logic that peace could be found in shared blame, and she, afraid of losing what she desperately wanted, thought it was worth the cost to secure it with a desperate, pure, beautiful lie. I’ve known her since the day she was born; she is as innocent and untainted in life and action as a holy saint. In that humble street where she was born, she first saw the light, and she has lived there ever since, dedicating her days to generous self-sacrifice for others. Oh, you scoundrel!” continued Father Rogan, raising his finger in affectionate anger at Lorison. “What on earth, I wonder, could make her embarrass herself and shame her sweet soul with lies for someone like you!”
“Sir,” said Lorison, trembling, “say what you please of me. Doubt it as you must, I will yet prove my gratitude to you, and my devotion to her. But let me speak to her once now, let me kneel for just one moment at her feet, and—”
“Sir,” said Lorison, shaking, “say whatever you want about me. Even if you doubt it, I will still show my gratitude to you and my devotion to her. But please let me speak to her just this once, let me kneel for just a moment at her feet, and—”
“Tut, tut!” said the priest. “How many acts of a love drama do you think an old bookworm like me capable of witnessing? Besides, what kind of figures do we cut, spying upon the mysteries of midnight millinery! Go to meet your wife to-morrow, as she ordered you, and obey her thereafter, and maybe some time I shall get forgiveness for the part I have played in this night’s work. Off wid yez down the shtairs, now! ’Tis late, and an ould man like me should be takin’ his rest.”
“Tut, tut!” said the priest. “How many scenes from a love story do you think an old bookworm like me can handle? Besides, how silly do we look, spying on the secrets of late-night fashion! Go meet your wife tomorrow, as she asked you to, and listen to her after that, and maybe one day I’ll be forgiven for what I did tonight. Now get out of here and go downstairs! It’s late, and an old man like me should be getting some rest.”
“Aunt Ellen,” said Octavia, cheerfully, as she threw her black kid gloves carefully at the dignified Persian cat on the window-seat, “I’m a pauper.”
“Aunt Ellen,” said Octavia, happily, as she tossed her black leather gloves playfully at the dignified Persian cat on the window seat, “I’m broke.”
“You are so extreme in your statements, Octavia, dear,” said Aunt Ellen, mildly, looking up from her paper. “If you find yourself temporarily in need of some small change for bonbons, you will find my purse in the drawer of the writing desk.”
“You're being really dramatic in what you're saying, Octavia, dear,” Aunt Ellen said gently, looking up from her newspaper. “If you ever find yourself in need of a little change for candy, my purse is in the drawer of the writing desk.”
Octavia Beaupree removed her hat and seated herself on a footstool near her aunt’s chair, clasping her hands about her knees. Her slim and flexible figure, clad in a modish mourning costume, accommodated itself easily and gracefully to the trying position. Her bright and youthful face, with its pair of sparkling, life-enamoured eyes, tried to compose itself to the seriousness that the occasion seemed to demand.
Octavia Beaupree took off her hat and sat on a footstool next to her aunt’s chair, wrapping her hands around her knees. Her slim and flexible figure, dressed in a stylish mourning outfit, adapted easily and gracefully to the uncomfortable position. Her bright and youthful face, with its pair of sparkling, lively eyes, attempted to settle into the seriousness that the occasion called for.
“You good auntie, it isn’t a case of bonbons; it is abject, staring, unpicturesque poverty, with ready-made clothes, gasolined gloves, and probably one o’clock dinners all waiting with the traditional wolf at the door. I’ve just come from my lawyer, auntie, and, ‘Please, ma’am, I ain’t got nothink ’t all. Flowers, lady? Buttonhole, gentleman? Pencils, sir, three for five, to help a poor widow?’ Do I do it nicely, auntie, or, as a bread-winner accomplishment, were my lessons in elocution entirely wasted?”
“You good auntie, it’s not about candy; it’s pure, glaring, unflattering poverty, with secondhand clothes, gasoline-stained gloves, and probably one o’clock lunches all waiting with the usual hunger at the door. I just came from my lawyer, auntie, and, ‘Please, ma’am, I don’t have anything at all. Flowers, miss? Buttonhole, sir? Pencils, sir, three for five, to help a struggling widow?’ Am I doing it well, auntie, or, for a breadwinner’s skill, were my elocution lessons completely wasted?”
“Do be serious, my dear,” said Aunt Ellen, letting her paper fall to the floor, “long enough to tell me what you mean. Colonel Beaupree’s estate—”
“Please be serious, my dear,” said Aunt Ellen, letting her paper drop to the floor, “long enough to explain what you mean. Colonel Beaupree’s estate—”
“Colonel Beaupree’s estate,” interrupted Octavia, emphasizing her words with appropriate dramatic gestures, “is of Spanish castellar architecture. Colonel Beaupree’s resources are—wind. Colonel Beaupree’s stocks are—water. Colonel Beaupree’s income is—all in. The statement lacks the legal technicalities to which I have been listening for an hour, but that is what it means when translated.”
“Colonel Beaupree’s estate,” interrupted Octavia, emphasizing her words with fitting dramatic gestures, “is designed in Spanish castle architecture. Colonel Beaupree’s assets are—wind. Colonel Beaupree’s investments are—water. Colonel Beaupree’s income is—all in. The statement lacks the legal jargon I’ve been listening to for an hour, but that’s what it truly means in plain terms.”
“Octavia!” Aunt Ellen was now visibly possessed by consternation. “I can hardly believe it. And it was the impression that he was worth a million. And the De Peysters themselves introduced him!”
“Octavia!” Aunt Ellen was now clearly overwhelmed with worry. “I can hardly believe it. It seemed like he was worth a million. And the De Peysters themselves introduced him!”
Octavia rippled out a laugh, and then became properly grave.
Octavia laughed lightly and then grew serious.
“De mortuis nil, auntie—not even the rest of it. The dear old colonel—what a gold brick he was, after all! I paid for my bargain fairly—I’m all here, am I not?—items: eyes, fingers, toes, youth, old family, unquestionable position in society as called for in the contract—no wild-cat stock here.” Octavia picked up the morning paper from the floor. “But I’m not going to ‘squeal’—isn’t that what they call it when you rail at Fortune because you’ve, lost the game?” She turned the pages of the paper calmly. “‘Stock market’—no use for that. ‘Society’s doings’—that’s done. Here is my page— the wish column. A Van Dresser could not be said to ‘want’ for anything, of course. ‘Chamber-maids, cooks, canvassers, stenographers—’”
De mortuis nil, auntie—not even the rest of it. The dear old colonel—what a great guy he was, after all! I paid fair and square for my deal—I’m all here, aren’t I?—things like eyes, fingers, toes, youth, old family, and a solid place in society as required by the agreement—no risky investments here.” Octavia picked up the morning paper from the floor. “But I’m not going to ‘squeal’—isn’t that what they call it when you complain about life because you’ve lost the game?” She flipped through the pages of the paper calmly. “‘Stock market’—no use for that. ‘Society’s doings’—that’s over. Here’s my page—the wish column. A Van Dresser can’t exactly be said to ‘want’ for anything, of course. ‘Chamber-maids, cooks, canvassers, stenographers—’”
“Dear,” said Aunt Ellen, with a little tremor in her voice, “please do not talk in that way. Even if your affairs are in so unfortunate a condition, there is my three thousand—”
“Dear,” Aunt Ellen said, her voice shaking slightly, “please don’t speak like that. Even if your situation is so unfortunate, there is my three thousand—”
Octavia sprang up lithely, and deposited a smart kiss on the delicate cheek of the prim little elderly maid.
Octavia jumped up gracefully and gave a quick kiss on the soft cheek of the prim little elderly maid.
“Blessed auntie, your three thousand is just sufficient to insure your Hyson to be free from willow leaves and keep the Persian in sterilized cream. I know I’d be welcome, but I prefer to strike bottom like Beelzebub rather than hang around like the Peri listening to the music from the side entrance. I’m going to earn my own living. There’s nothing else to do. I’m a—Oh, oh, oh!—I had forgotten. There’s one thing saved from the wreck. It’s a corral—no, a ranch in—let me see—Texas: an asset, dear old Mr. Bannister called it. How pleased he was to show me something he could describe as unencumbered! I’ve a description of it among those stupid papers he made me bring away with me from his office. I’ll try to find it.”
“Dear auntie, your three thousand is just enough to keep your Hyson free from willow leaves and the Persian in sterilized cream. I know I'd be welcome, but I'd rather hit rock bottom like Beelzebub than linger around like the Peri, listening to the music from the side entrance. I'm going to make my own way. There's nothing else I can do. I'm a—Oh, oh, oh!—I almost forgot. There's one thing saved from the wreck. It's a ranch in—let me think—Texas: an asset, dear old Mr. Bannister called it. He was so happy
Octavia found her shopping-bag, and drew from it a long envelope filled with typewritten documents.
Octavia found her shopping bag and pulled out a long envelope filled with typed documents.
“A ranch in Texas,” sighed Aunt Ellen. “It sounds to me more like a liability than an asset. Those are the places where the centipedes are found, and cowboys, and fandangos.”
“A ranch in Texas,” sighed Aunt Ellen. “It sounds more like a liability than an asset to me. Those are the places where you find centipedes, cowboys, and fandangos.”
“‘The Rancho de las Sombras,’” read Octavia from a sheet of violently purple typewriting, “‘is situated one hundred and ten miles southeast of San Antonio, and thirty-eight miles from its nearest railroad station, Nopal, on the I. and G. N. Ranch, consists of 7,680 acres of well-watered land, with title conferred by State patents, and twenty-two sections, or 14,080 acres, partly under yearly running lease and partly bought under State’s twenty-year-purchase act. Eight thousand graded merino sheep, with the necessary equipment of horses, vehicles and general ranch paraphernalia. Ranch-house built of brick, with six rooms comfortably furnished according to the requirements of the climate. All within a strong barbed-wire fence.
“‘The Rancho de las Sombras,’” Octavia read from a bright purple typewritten page, “‘is located one hundred and ten miles southeast of San Antonio and thirty-eight miles from the nearest railroad station, Nopal, on the I. and G. N. Ranch. It covers 7,680 acres of well-watered land, with title granted by State patents, and twenty-two sections, or 14,080 acres, some of which is under annual leases and some purchased under the State’s twenty-year purchase act. It includes eight thousand graded merino sheep, along with the necessary horses, vehicles, and general ranch equipment. The ranch house is made of brick, featuring six comfortably furnished rooms that meet the climate’s requirements, all enclosed by a sturdy barbed-wire fence.
“‘The present ranch manager seems to be competent and reliable, and is rapidly placing upon a paying basis a business that, in other hands, had been allowed to suffer from neglect and misconduct.
“The current ranch manager appears to be skilled and dependable, and is quickly putting a profitable structure in place for a business that, under different management, had been allowed to decline due to neglect and poor handling.
“‘This property was secured by Colonel Beaupree in a deal with a Western irrigation syndicate, and the title to it seems to be perfect. With careful management and the natural increase of land values, it ought to be made the foundation for a comfortable fortune for its owner.’”
“‘Colonel Beaupree acquired this property in a deal with a Western irrigation company, and the title appears to be clear. With proper management and the natural rise in land values, it should serve as the basis for a substantial fortune for its owner.’”
When Octavia ceased reading, Aunt Ellen uttered something as near a sniff as her breeding permitted.
When Octavia stopped reading, Aunt Ellen made a sound that was almost a sniff, as much as her manners allowed.
“The prospectus,” she said, with uncompromising metropolitan suspicion, “doesn’t mention the centipedes, or the Indians. And you never did like mutton, Octavia. I don’t see what advantage you can derive from this—desert.”
“The prospectus,” she said, with a completely city-style suspicion, “doesn’t mention the centipedes or the Indians. And you never did like mutton, Octavia. I don’t see what benefit you can get from this—desert.”
But Octavia was in a trance. Her eyes were steadily regarding something quite beyond their focus. Her lips were parted, and her face was lighted by the kindling furor of the explorer, the ardent, stirring disquiet of the adventurer. Suddenly she clasped her hands together exultantly.
But Octavia was in a trance. Her eyes were fixed on something far beyond their focus. Her lips were slightly parted, and her face was illuminated by the growing passion of the explorer, the intense, exciting unease of the adventurer. Suddenly, she clasped her hands together joyfully.
“The problem solves itself, auntie,” she cried. “I’m going to that ranch. I’m going to live on it. I’m going to learn to like mutton, and even concede the good qualities of centipedes—at a respectful distance. It’s just what I need. It’s a new life that comes when my old one is just ending. It’s a release, auntie; it isn’t a narrowing. Think of the gallops over those leagues of prairies, with the wind tugging at the roots of your hair, the coming close to the earth and learning over again the stories of the growing grass and the little wild flowers without names! Glorious is what it will be. Shall I be a shepherdess with a Watteau hat, and a crook to keep the bad wolves from the lambs, or a typical Western ranch girl, with short hair, like the pictures of her in the Sunday papers? I think the latter. And they’ll have my picture, too, with the wild-cats I’ve slain, single-handed, hanging from my saddle horn. ‘From the Four Hundred to the Flocks’ is the way they’ll headline it, and they’ll print photographs of the old Van Dresser mansion and the church where I was married. They won’t have my picture, but they’ll get an artist to draw it. I’ll be wild and woolly, and I’ll grow my own wool.”
“The problem solves itself, Auntie,” she exclaimed. “I’m going to that ranch. I’m going to live there. I’m going to learn to like mutton and even acknowledge the good qualities of centipedes—at a respectful distance. It’s exactly what I need. It’s a new life starting just as my old one is ending. It’s a release, Auntie; it’s not a limitation. Imagine galloping across those vast prairies, with the wind tugging at your hair, getting close to the earth, and rediscovering the stories of the growing grass and the little nameless wildflowers! It’s going to be glorious. Should I be a shepherdess with a Watteau hat and a crook to keep the bad wolves away from the lambs, or a typical Western ranch girl with short hair, like the pictures in the Sunday papers? I think the latter. And they’ll have my picture, too, with the wildcats I’ve taken down by myself hanging from my saddle horn. ‘From the Four Hundred to the Flocks’ is what they'll headline, and they’ll print photos of the old Van Dresser mansion and the church where I got married. They won’t have my actual picture, but they’ll get an artist to draw it. I’ll be wild and free, and I’ll grow my own wool.”
“Octavia!” Aunt Ellen condensed into the one word all the protests she was unable to utter.
“Octavia!” Aunt Ellen packed all the protests she couldn’t say into that one word.
“Don’t say a word, auntie. I’m going. I’ll see the sky at night fit down on the world like a big butter-dish cover, and I’ll make friends again with the stars that I haven’t had a chat with since I was a wee child. I wish to go. I’m tired of all this. I’m glad I haven’t any money. I could bless Colonel Beaupree for that ranch, and forgive him for all his bubbles. What if the life will be rough and lonely! I—I deserve it. I shut my heart to everything except that miserable ambition. I—oh, I wish to go away, and forget—forget!”
“Don’t say anything, Auntie. I’m leaving. I’ll see the night sky spread out over the world like a big butter dish cover, and I’ll reconnect with the stars I haven’t talked to since I was a little kid. I want to go. I’m done with all of this. I’m actually glad I don’t have any money. I could thank Colonel Beaupree for that ranch and forgive him for all his nonsense. So what if life will be hard and lonely! I—I deserve it. I’ve closed my heart to everything except that pathetic ambition. I—oh, I just want to get away and forget—forget!”
Octavia swerved suddenly to her knees, laid her flushed face in her aunt’s lap, and shook with turbulent sobs.
Octavia suddenly dropped to her knees, buried her flushed face in her aunt's lap, and trembled with intense sobs.
Aunt Ellen bent over her, and smoothed the coppery-brown hair.
Aunt Ellen leaned down and brushed the coppery-brown hair.
“I didn’t know,” she said, gently; “I didn’t know—that. Who was it, dear?”
“I didn’t know,” she said softly; “I didn’t know—that. Who was it, honey?”
When Mrs. Octavia Beaupree, née Van Dresser, stepped from the train at Nopal, her manner lost, for the moment, some of that easy certitude which had always marked her movements. The town was of recent establishment, and seemed to have been hastily constructed of undressed lumber and flapping canvas. The element that had congregated about the station, though not offensively demonstrative, was clearly composed of citizens accustomed to and prepared for rude alarms.
When Mrs. Octavia Beaupree, née Van Dresser, got off the train at Nopal, she momentarily lost some of the easy confidence that had always defined her presence. The town was newly established and looked like it had been hastily thrown together with rough timber and makeshift canvas. The crowd gathered around the station, while not overly enthusiastic, clearly comprised people who were used to and ready for harsh realities.
Octavia stood on the platform, against the telegraph office, and attempted to choose by intuition from the swaggering, straggling string of loungers, the manager of the Rancho de las Sombras, who had been instructed by Mr. Bannister to meet her there. That tall, serious, looking, elderly man in the blue flannel shirt and white tie she thought must be he. But, no; he passed by, removing his gaze from the lady as hers rested on him, according to the Southern custom. The manager, she thought, with some impatience at being kept waiting, should have no difficulty in selecting her. Young women wearing the most recent thing in ash-coloured travelling suits were not so plentiful in Nopal!
Octavia stood on the platform, next to the telegraph office, and tried to use her intuition to pick out the manager of the Rancho de las Sombras from the crowd of relaxed, scattered locals who were just hanging around. She thought the tall, serious-looking older man in the blue flannel shirt and white tie might be him. But no; he walked right past her, looking away as she gazed at him, following the Southern custom. She felt a bit impatient waiting and thought the manager should have no trouble recognizing her. Young women in the latest ash-colored travel outfits weren't exactly common in Nopal!
Thus keeping a speculative watch on all persons of possible managerial aspect, Octavia, with a catching breath and a start of surprise, suddenly became aware of Teddy Westlake hurrying along the platform in the direction of the train—of Teddy Westlake or his sun-browned ghost in cheviot, boots and leather-girdled hat—Theodore Westlake, Jr., amateur polo (almost) champion, all-round butterfly and cumberer of the soil; but a broader, surer, more emphasized and determined Teddy than the one she had known a year ago when last she saw him.
Thus keeping a watchful eye on all potential managers, Octavia, caught off guard and a little surprised, suddenly noticed Teddy Westlake hurrying along the platform toward the train—Teddy Westlake or his sun-tanned ghost in tweed, boots, and a leather-belted hat—Theodore Westlake, Jr., almost an amateur polo champion, a perpetual socialite and a meddler; but he seemed broader, more confident, and more assertive than the Teddy she remembered from a year ago when she last saw him.
He perceived Octavia at almost the same time, deflected his course, and steered for her in his old, straightforward way. Something like awe came upon her as the strangeness of his metamorphosis was brought into closer range; the rich, red-brown of his complexion brought out so vividly his straw-coloured mustache and steel-gray eyes. He seemed more grown-up, and, somehow, farther away. But, when he spoke, the old, boyish Teddy came back again. They had been friends from childhood.
He noticed Octavia almost immediately, changed his direction, and headed toward her in his usual direct manner. A sense of awe washed over her as the oddity of his transformation came into clearer view; the deep red-brown of his skin made his light-colored mustache and gray eyes stand out sharply. He seemed more mature and, in some way, more distant. But when he spoke, the familiar, boyish Teddy returned. They had been friends since they were kids.
“Why, ’Tave!” he exclaimed, unable to reduce his perplexity to coherence. “How—what—when—where?”
“Why, ’Tave!” he exclaimed, struggling to make sense of his confusion. “How—what—when—where?”
“Train,” said Octavia; “necessity; ten minutes ago; home. Your complexion’s gone, Teddy. Now, how—what—when—where?”
“Train,” Octavia said; “need; ten minutes ago; home. Your face looks pale, Teddy. Now, how—what—when—where?”
“I’m working down here,” said Teddy. He cast side glances about the station as one does who tries to combine politeness with duty.
“I’m working down here,” Teddy said. He looked around the station with quick glances, trying to balance being polite and getting his job done.
“You didn’t notice on the train,” he asked, “an old lady with gray curls and a poodle, who occupied two seats with her bundles and quarrelled with the conductor, did you?”
"You didn’t notice on the train," he asked, "an old lady with gray curls and a poodle who took up two seats with her bags and argued with the conductor, did you?"
“I think not,” answered Octavia, reflecting. “And you haven’t, by any chance, noticed a big, gray-mustached man in a blue shirt and six-shooters, with little flakes of merino wool sticking in his hair, have you?”
“I don't think so,” Octavia replied, thinking it over. “And you haven't happened to see a big guy with a gray mustache wearing a blue shirt and carrying revolvers, with bits of merino wool stuck in his hair, have you?”
“Lots of ’em,” said Teddy, with symptoms of mental delirium under the strain. Do you happen to know any such individual?”
“Lots of them,” said Teddy, showing signs of mental strain. “Do you happen to know anyone like that?”
“No; the description is imaginary. Is your interest in the old lady whom you describe a personal one?”
“No; the description is made up. Is your interest in the old lady you're describing personal?”
“Never saw her in my life. She’s painted entirely from fancy. She owns the little piece of property where I earn my bread and butter—the Rancho de las Sombras. I drove up to meet her according to arrangement with her lawyer.”
“Never saw her in my life. She’s completely a creation of my imagination. She owns the small piece of land where I make my living—the Rancho de las Sombras. I drove up to meet her as arranged with her lawyer.”
Octavia leaned against the wall of the telegraph office. Was this possible? And didn’t he know?
Octavia leaned against the wall of the telegraph office. Was this even possible? And didn’t he realize?
“Are you the manager of that ranch?” she asked weakly.
“Are you the manager of that ranch?” she asked faintly.
“I am,” said Teddy, with pride.
“I am,” Teddy said, feeling proud.
“I am Mrs. Beaupree,” said Octavia faintly; “but my hair never would curl, and I was polite to the conductor.”
“I’m Mrs. Beaupree,” Octavia said softly; “but my hair never would curl, and I was polite to the conductor.”
For a moment that strange, grown-up look came back, and removed Teddy miles away from her.
For a moment, that odd, mature expression returned, pulling Teddy far away from her.
“I hope you’ll excuse me,” he said, rather awkwardly. “You see, I’ve been down here in the chaparral a year. I hadn’t heard. Give me your checks, please, and I’ll have your traps loaded into the wagon. José will follow with them. We travel ahead in the buckboard.”
“I hope you’ll forgive me,” he said, a bit awkwardly. “You see, I’ve been down here in the brush for a year. I hadn’t heard. Please give me your checks, and I’ll get your gear loaded into the wagon. José will follow with it. We’ll head out in the buckboard.”
Seated by Teddy in a feather-weight buckboard, behind a pair of wild, cream-coloured Spanish ponies, Octavia abandoned all thought for the exhilaration of the present. They swept out of the little town and down the level road toward the south. Soon the road dwindled and disappeared, and they struck across a world carpeted with an endless reach of curly mesquite grass. The wheels made no sound. The tireless ponies bounded ahead at an unbroken gallop. The temperate wind, made fragrant by thousands of acres of blue and yellow wild flowers, roared gloriously in their ears. The motion was aërial, ecstatic, with a thrilling sense of perpetuity in its effect. Octavia sat silent, possessed by a feeling of elemental, sensual bliss. Teddy seemed to be wrestling with some internal problem.
Seated next to Teddy in a lightweight buckboard, behind a pair of wild, cream-colored Spanish ponies, Octavia let go of all thoughts and embraced the thrill of the moment. They sped out of the small town and down the flat road heading south. Before long, the road faded away, and they ventured across a landscape covered in endless curly mesquite grass. The wheels were silent. The energetic ponies raced ahead at a steady gallop. The warm breeze, filled with the scent of thousands of acres of blue and yellow wildflowers, roared joyfully in their ears. The movement felt light and ecstatic, creating an exhilarating sense of timelessness. Octavia sat quietly, overwhelmed by a feeling of pure, sensual happiness. Teddy appeared to be grappling with some internal struggle.
“I’m going to call you madama,” he announced as the result of his labours. “That is what the Mexicans will call you—they’re nearly all Mexicans on the ranch, you know. That seems to me about the proper thing.”
“I’m going to call you madama,” he announced as the result of his efforts. “That’s what the Mexicans will call you—they're mostly Mexicans on the ranch, you know. That feels about right to me.”
“Very well, Mr. Westlake,” said Octavia, primly.
“Alright, Mr. Westlake,” said Octavia, primly.
“Oh, now,” said Teddy, in some consternation, “that’s carrying the thing too far, isn’t it?”
“Oh, come on,” said Teddy, a bit worried, “isn’t that taking it too far?”
“Don’t worry me with your beastly etiquette. I’m just beginning to live. Don’t remind me of anything artificial. If only this air could be bottled! This much alone is worth coming for. Oh, look I there goes a deer!”
“Don’t stress me out with your ridiculous manners. I’m just starting to enjoy life. Don’t bring up anything fake. If only this fresh air could be bottled! Just this is worth the trip. Oh, look, there goes a deer!”
“Jack-rabbit,” said Teddy, without turning his head.
“Jack-rabbit,” Teddy said, not bothering to turn his head.
“Could I—might I drive?” suggested Octavia, panting, with rose-tinted cheeks and the eye of an eager child.
“Could I—can I drive?” Octavia suggested, out of breath, with rosy cheeks and the look of an excited child.
“On one condition. Could I—might I smoke?”
“On one condition. Can I—may I smoke?”
“Forever!” cried Octavia, taking the lines with solemn joy. “How shall I know which way to drive?”
“Forever!” yelled Octavia, grabbing the reins with a serious happiness. “How will I know which way to go?”
“Keep her sou’ by sou’east, and all sail set. You see that black speck on the horizon under that lowermost Gulf cloud? That’s a group of live-oaks and a landmark. Steer halfway between that and the little hill to the left. I’ll recite you the whole code of driving rules for the Texas prairies: keep the reins from under the horses’ feet, and swear at ’em frequent.”
“Keep her headed southeast, and with all sails set. Do you see that black dot on the horizon beneath that low Gulf cloud? That’s a group of live oaks, a landmark. Steer halfway between that and the small hill to the left. I’ll give you the entire set of driving rules for the Texas prairies: keep the reins out from under the horses’ hooves, and curse at them often.”
“I’m too happy to swear, Ted. Oh, why do people buy yachts or travel in palace-cars, when a buckboard and a pair of plugs and a spring morning like this can satisfy all desire?”
“I’m too happy to curse, Ted. Oh, why do people buy yachts or travel in luxury cars when a simple wagon, a couple of good horses, and a sunny spring morning like this can fulfill all our desires?”
“Now, I’ll ask you,” protested Teddy, who was futilely striking match after match on the dashboard, “not to call those denizens of the air plugs. They can kick out a hundred miles between daylight and dark.” At last he succeeded in snatching a light for his cigar from the flame held in the hollow of his hands.
“Now, I’ll ask you,” protested Teddy, who was unsuccessfully striking match after match on the dashboard, “not to call those creatures of the sky plugs. They can fly a hundred miles between sunrise and sunset.” Finally, he managed to get a light for his cigar from the flame cupped in his hands.
“Room!” said Octavia, intensely. “That’s what produces the effect. I know now what I’ve wanted—scope—range—room!”
“Space!” Octavia said, passionately. “That’s what creates the impact. I understand now what I’ve been wanting—freedom—variety—space!”
“Smoking-room,” said Teddy, unsentimentally. “I love to smoke in a buckboard. The wind blows the smoke into you and out again. It saves exertion.”
“Smoking-room,” Teddy said casually. “I love to smoke in a flatbed truck. The wind blows the smoke in and out. It saves effort.”
The two fell so naturally into their old-time goodfellowship that it was only by degrees that a sense of the strangeness of the new relations between them came to be felt.
The two slipped back into their old friendship so effortlessly that it took some time for them to actually notice how strange their new relationship had become.
“Madama,” said Teddy, wonderingly, “however did you get it into your head to cut the crowd and come down here? Is it a fad now among the upper classes to trot off to sheep ranches instead of to Newport?”
“Madam,” said Teddy, curious, “how did you come up with the idea to leave the crowd and come down here? Is it a trend now among the upper classes to go to sheep ranches instead of Newport?”
“I was broke, Teddy,” said Octavia, sweetly, with her interest centred upon steering safely between a Spanish dagger plant and a clump of chaparral; “I haven’t a thing in the world but this ranch—not even any other home to go to.”
“I was broke, Teddy,” said Octavia, sweetly, focusing on navigating safely between a Spanish dagger plant and a patch of chaparral; “I don’t have a thing in the world except this ranch—not even another home to go to.”
“Come, now,” said Teddy, anxiously but incredulously, “you don’t mean it?”
“Come on,” said Teddy, worried but in disbelief, “you can’t be serious?”
“When my husband,” said Octavia, with a shy slurring of the word, “died three months ago I thought I had a reasonable amount of the world’s goods. His lawyer exploded that theory in a sixty-minute fully illustrated lecture. I took to the sheep as a last resort. Do you happen to know of any fashionable caprice among the gilded youth of Manhattan that induces them to abandon polo and club windows to become managers of sheep ranches?”
“When my husband,” said Octavia, with a shy slurring of the word, “died three months ago, I thought I had a decent amount of what the world has to offer. His lawyer completely shattered that notion in a sixty-minute, fully illustrated lecture. I turned to raising sheep as a last resort. Do you know of any trendy whims among the wealthy youth of Manhattan that lead them to ditch polo and club life to become managers of sheep farms?”
“It’s easily explained in my case,” responded Teddy, promptly. “I had to go to work. I couldn’t have earned my board in New York, so I chummed a while with old Sandford, one of the syndicate that owned the ranch before Colonel Beaupree bought it, and got a place down here. I wasn’t manager at first. I jogged around on ponies and studied the business in detail, until I got all the points in my head. I saw where it was losing and what the remedies were, and then Sandford put me in charge. I get a hundred dollars a month, and I earn it.”
“It’s pretty straightforward in my case,” Teddy replied quickly. “I had to go to work. I couldn’t afford to live in New York, so I hung out for a bit with old Sandford, one of the guys who owned the ranch before Colonel Beaupree bought it, and landed a job down here. I wasn’t the manager at first. I rode around on ponies and learned the business in detail until I got all the important stuff figured out. I noticed where it was losing money and what needed fixing, and then Sandford put me in charge. I make a hundred dollars a month, and I earn it.”
“Poor Teddy!” said Octavia, with a smile.
"Poor Teddy!" Octavia said, grinning.
“You needn’t. I like it. I save half my wages, and I’m as hard as a water plug. It beats polo.”
“You don’t have to. I like it. I save half my paycheck, and I’m as tough as a water main. It’s better than polo.”
“Will it furnish bread and tea and jam for another outcast from civilization?”
“Will it provide bread, tea, and jam for another outsider from society?”
“The spring shearing,” said the manager, “just cleaned up a deficit in last year’s business. Wastefulness and inattention have been the rule heretofore. The autumn clip will leave a small profit over all expenses. Next year there will be jam.”
“The spring shearing,” said the manager, “just cleared up a deficit from last year’s business. Wastefulness and inattention have been the norm up until now. The autumn clip will provide a small profit after covering all expenses. Next year, there will be plenty.”
When, about four o’clock in the afternoon, the ponies rounded a gentle, brush-covered hill, and then swooped, like a double cream-coloured cyclone, upon the Rancho de las Sombras, Octavia gave a little cry of delight. A lordly grove of magnificent live-oaks cast an area of grateful, cool shade, whence the ranch had drawn its name, “de las Sombras”—of the shadows. The house, of red brick, one story, ran low and long beneath the trees. Through its middle, dividing its six rooms in half, extended a broad, arched passageway, picturesque with flowering cactus and hanging red earthen jars. A “gallery,” low and broad, encircled the building. Vines climbed about it, and the adjacent ground was, for a space, covered with transplanted grass and shrubs. A little lake, long and narrow, glimmered in the sun at the rear. Further away stood the shacks of the Mexican workers, the corrals, wool sheds and shearing pens. To the right lay the low hills, splattered with dark patches of chaparral; to the left the unbounded green prairie blending against the blue heavens.
When the ponies rounded a gentle, brush-covered hill around four in the afternoon and swooped down like a double cream-colored cyclone on the Rancho de las Sombras, Octavia let out a small cry of excitement. A grand grove of beautiful live oaks cast a welcome, cool shade, which is how the ranch got its name, “de las Sombras”—of the shadows. The house, made of red brick, was low and long, stretching beneath the trees with a single story. A wide, arched passageway ran through the center, splitting the six rooms in half, and was adorned with flowering cactus and hanging red clay jars. A low and wide “gallery” surrounded the building. Vines climbed up it, and the nearby ground was partially covered with transplanted grass and shrubs. In the back, a long and narrow lake shimmered in the sunlight. Further away stood the shacks of the Mexican workers, along with the corrals, wool sheds, and shearing pens. To the right, the low hills were dotted with dark patches of chaparral, while to the left, the endless green prairie merged with the blue sky.
“It’s a home, Teddy,” said Octavia, breathlessly; that’s what it is—it’s a home.”
“It’s a home, Teddy,” Octavia said, breathlessly; “that’s what it is—it’s a home.”
“Not so bad for a sheep ranch,” admitted Teddy, with excusable pride. “I’ve been tinkering on it at odd times.”
“Not too shabby for a sheep ranch,” Teddy admitted, with a touch of pride. “I’ve been working on it whenever I can.”
A Mexican youth sprang from somewhere in the grass, and took charge of the creams. The mistress and the manager entered the house.
A Mexican teenager jumped up from the grass and took control of the creams. The owner and the manager went inside the house.
“Here’s Mrs. MacIntyre,” said Teddy, as a placid, neat, elderly lady came out upon the gallery to meet them. “Mrs. Mac, here’s the boss. Very likely she will be wanting a hunk of ham and a dish of beans after her drive.”
“Here’s Mrs. MacIntyre,” said Teddy, as a calm, tidy, elderly lady stepped out onto the porch to greet them. “Mrs. Mac, here’s the boss. She’ll probably want some ham and a plate of beans after her drive.”
Mrs. MacIntyre, the housekeeper, as much a fixture on the place as the lake or the live-oaks, received the imputation of the ranch’s resources of refreshment with mild indignation, and was about to give it utterance when Octavia spoke.
Mrs. MacIntyre, the housekeeper, was as much a part of the place as the lake or the live oaks. She received the accusation about the ranch's supplies of refreshments with mild irritation and was about to say something when Octavia spoke.
“Oh, Mrs. MacIntyre, don’t apologize for Teddy. Yes, I call him Teddy. So does every one whom he hasn’t duped into taking him seriously. You see, we used to cut paper dolls and play jackstraws together ages ago. No one minds what he says.”
“Oh, Mrs. MacIntyre, don’t worry about Teddy. Yeah, I call him Teddy. So does everyone who he hasn’t tricked into taking him seriously. You see, we used to cut out paper dolls and play jacks together ages ago. No one cares what he says.”
“No,” said Teddy, “no one minds what he says, just so he doesn’t do it again.”
“No,” Teddy said, “no one cares about what he says, as long as he doesn’t do it again.”
Octavia cast one of those subtle, sidelong glances toward him from beneath her lowered eyelids—a glance that Teddy used to describe as an upper-cut. But there was nothing in his ingenuous, weather-tanned face to warrant a suspicion that he was making an allusion—nothing. Beyond a doubt, thought Octavia, he had forgotten.
Octavia threw him one of those subtle, sideways looks from beneath her lowered eyelids—a look that Teddy used to call an uppercut. But there was nothing in his straightforward, sun-kissed face that suggested he was hinting at anything—nothing. Without a doubt, Octavia thought, he had forgotten.
“Mr. Westlake likes his fun,” said Mrs. Maclntyre, as she conducted Octavia to her rooms. “But,” she added, loyally, “people around here usually pay attention to what he says when he talks in earnest. I don’t know what would have become of this place without him.”
“Mr. Westlake enjoys his fun,” Mrs. Maclntyre said as she guided Octavia to her room. “But,” she added, with loyalty, “people around here usually listen to him when he's serious. I don’t know what this place would have turned into without him.”
Two rooms at the east end of the house had been arranged for the occupancy of the ranch’s mistress. When she entered them a slight dismay seized her at their bare appearance and the scantiness of their furniture; but she quickly reflected that the climate was a semi-tropical one, and was moved to appreciation of the well-conceived efforts to conform to it. The sashes had already been removed from the big windows, and white curtains waved in the Gulf breeze that streamed through the wide jalousies. The bare floor was amply strewn with cool rugs; the chairs were inviting, deep, dreamy willows; the walls were papered with a light, cheerful olive. One whole side of her sitting room was covered with books on smooth, unpainted pine shelves. She flew to these at once. Before her was a well-selected library. She caught glimpses of titles of volumes of fiction and travel not yet seasoned from the dampness of the press.
Two rooms at the east end of the house had been set up for the ranch’s mistress. When she walked in, she felt a bit disappointed by how bare they looked and the lack of furniture; but she quickly remembered that the climate was semi-tropical and began to appreciate the thoughtful design choices made to suit it. The window sashes had already been taken out, and white curtains danced in the Gulf breeze streaming through the wide shutters. The bare floor was covered with cool rugs; the chairs were cozy, deep, dreamy wicker; and the walls were decorated with light, cheerful olive wallpaper. One entire wall of her sitting room was lined with books on smooth, unpainted pine shelves. She rushed over to them immediately. In front of her was a well-curated library. She caught sight of the titles of fiction and travel books, still fresh from the dampness of the press.
Presently, recollecting that she was now in a wilderness given over to mutton, centipedes and privations, the incongruity of these luxuries struck her, and, with intuitive feminine suspicion, she began turning to the fly-leaves of volume after volume. Upon each one was inscribed in fluent characters the name of Theodore Westlake, Jr.
Right now, remembering that she was in a wild place filled with sheep, centipedes, and hardships, the contrast of these luxuries hit her, and, with a keen feminine instinct, she started flipping through the front pages of one book after another. Each one had the name Theodore Westlake, Jr. written in elegant handwriting.
Octavia, fatigued by her long journey, retired early that night. Lying upon her white, cool bed, she rested deliciously, but sleep coquetted long with her. She listened to faint noises whose strangeness kept her faculties on the alert—the fractious yelping of the coyotes, the ceaseless, low symphony of the wind, the distant booming of the frogs about the lake, the lamentation of a concertina in the Mexicans’ quarters. There were many conflicting feelings in her heart—thankfulness and rebellion, peace and disquietude, loneliness and a sense of protecting care, happiness and an old, haunting pain.
Octavia, exhausted from her long journey, went to bed early that night. As she lay on her cool, white bed, she felt restful, but sleep teased her for a while. She listened to faint noises that kept her senses alert—the annoying yelping of coyotes, the constant, soft symphony of the wind, the distant croaking of frogs by the lake, and the sad notes of a concertina from the Mexicans’ quarters. She felt a whirlwind of emotions in her heart—gratitude and defiance, tranquility and unease, loneliness and a sense of protective care, joy and an old, lingering pain.
She did what any other woman would have done—sought relief in a wholesome tide of unreasonable tears, and her last words, murmured to herself before slumber, capitulating, came softly to woo her, were “He has forgotten.”
She did what any other woman would have done—looked for comfort in a wave of uncontrollable tears, and her last words, whispered to herself before falling asleep, surrendering, gently came to her, were “He has forgotten.”
The manager of the Rancho de las Sombras was no dilettante. He was a “hustler.” He was generally up, mounted, and away of mornings before the rest of the household were awake, making the rounds of the flocks and camps. This was the duty of the major-domo, a stately old Mexican with a princely air and manner, but Teddy seemed to have a great deal of confidence in his own eyesight. Except in the busy seasons, he nearly always returned to the ranch to breakfast at eight o’clock, with Octavia and Mrs. Maclntyre, at the little table set in the central hallway, bringing with him a tonic and breezy cheerfulness full of the health and flavour of the prairies.
The manager of Rancho de las Sombras was no amateur. He was a “hustler.” He usually got up, mounted his horse, and headed out in the mornings before the rest of the household was awake, checking on the flocks and camps. This was the responsibility of the major-domo, a dignified old Mexican with a royal presence and demeanor, but Teddy seemed to have a lot of faith in his own eyesight. Except during busy seasons, he almost always came back to the ranch for breakfast at eight o'clock, joining Octavia and Mrs. Maclntyre at the small table set up in the central hallway, bringing with him a refreshing energy and a spirit full of the health and vibe of the prairies.
A few days after Octavia’s arrival he made her get out one of her riding skirts, and curtail it to a shortness demanded by the chaparral brakes.
A few days after Octavia arrived, he made her take out one of her riding skirts and shorten it to the length needed for the chaparral bushes.
With some misgivings she donned this and the pair of buckskin leggings he prescribed in addition, and, mounted upon a dancing pony, rode with him to view her possessions. He showed her everything—the flocks of ewes, muttons and grazing lambs, the dipping vats, the shearing pens, the uncouth merino rams in their little pasture, the water-tanks prepared against the summer drought—giving account of his stewardship with a boyish enthusiasm that never flagged.
With some hesitation, she put on the outfit and the pair of buckskin leggings he suggested, and, riding a spirited pony, she went with him to check out her belongings. He showed her everything—the flocks of ewes, sheep, and grazing lambs, the dipping vats, the shearing pens, the awkward merino rams in their small pasture, and the water tanks set up for the summer drought—enthusiastically sharing details about his management without losing energy.
Where was the old Teddy that she knew so well? This side of him was the same, and it was a side that pleased her; but this was all she ever saw of him now. Where was his sentimentality—those old, varying moods of impetuous love-making, of fanciful, quixotic devotion, of heart-breaking gloom, of alternating, absurd tenderness and haughty dignity? His nature had been a sensitive one, his temperament bordering closely on the artistic. She knew that, besides being a follower of fashion and its fads and sports, he had cultivated tastes of a finer nature. He had written things, he had tampered with colours, he was something of a student in certain branches of art, and once she had been admitted to all his aspirations and thoughts. But now—and she could not avoid the conclusion—Teddy had barricaded against her every side of himself except one—the side that showed the manager of the Rancho de las Sombras and a jolly chum who had forgiven and forgotten. Queerly enough the words of Mr. Bannister’s description of her property came into her mind—“all inclosed within a strong barbed-wire fence.”
Where was the old Teddy she used to know so well? This side of him was familiar and it pleased her, but it was all she ever saw of him now. Where was his sentimentality—those old, changing moods of impulsive romance, fanciful devotion, heartbreaking sadness, and alternating absurd tenderness and arrogance? His nature had been sensitive, and his temperament was close to artistic. She knew that, in addition to following fashion trends and hobbies, he had developed a taste for finer things. He had written things, experimented with colors, and was somewhat of a student in certain art fields, and at one time, she had been privy to all his hopes and dreams. But now—and she couldn’t help but conclude—Teddy had closed off every aspect of himself to her except one—the side that showed him as the manager of the Rancho de las Sombras and a cheerful buddy who had forgiven and forgotten. Oddly enough, Mr. Bannister's description of her property popped into her mind—“all enclosed within a strong barbed-wire fence.”
“Teddy’s fenced, too,” said Octavia to herself.
“Teddy’s fenced in, too,” Octavia said to herself.
It was not difficult for her to reason out the cause of his fortifications. It had originated one night at the Hammersmiths’ ball. It occurred at a time soon after she had decided to accept Colonel Beaupree and his million, which was no more than her looks and the entrée she held to the inner circles were worth. Teddy had proposed with all his impetuosity and fire, and she looked him straight in the eyes, and said, coldly and finally: “Never let me hear any such silly nonsense from you again.” “You won’t,” said Teddy, with an expression around his mouth, and—now Teddy was inclosed within a strong barbed-wire fence.
It wasn't hard for her to figure out why he was building up walls. It all started one night at the Hammersmiths’ ball. This was soon after she had made up her mind to accept Colonel Beaupree and his million, which was really just a reflection of her looks and the connections she had to the important circles. Teddy had proposed with all his passion and intensity, and she looked him straight in the eyes and said, coldly and firmly: “Don’t ever let me hear such foolishness from you again.” “You won’t,” Teddy replied, his expression slightly pained, and just like that, Teddy was behind a strong barbed-wire fence.
It was on this first ride of inspection that Teddy was seized by the inspiration that suggested the name of Mother Goose’s heroine, and he at once bestowed it upon Octavia. The idea, supported by both a similarity of names and identity of occupations, seemed to strike him as a peculiarly happy one, and he never tired of using it. The Mexicans on the ranch also took up the name, adding another syllable to accommodate their lingual incapacity for the final “p,” gravely referring to her as “La Madama Bo-Peepy.” Eventually it spread, and “Madame Bo-Peep’s ranch” was as often mentioned as the “Rancho de las Sombras.”
It was during this first inspection ride that Teddy was inspired by the name of Mother Goose’s heroine, and he immediately gave it to Octavia. The idea, bolstered by both a similarity in names and their shared jobs, struck him as particularly fitting, and he never got tired of using it. The Mexicans on the ranch also adopted the name, adding an extra syllable to accommodate their difficulty with the final “p,” seriously calling her “La Madama Bo-Peepy.” Eventually, it caught on, and “Madame Bo-Peep’s ranch” was mentioned just as often as the “Rancho de las Sombras.”
Came the long, hot season from May to September, when work is scarce on the ranches. Octavia passed the days in a kind of lotus-eater’s dream. Books, hammocks, correspondence with a few intimate friends, a renewed interest in her old water-colour box and easel—these disposed of the sultry hours of daylight. The evenings were always sure to bring enjoyment. Best of all were the rapturous horseback rides with Teddy, when the moon gave light over the wind-swept leagues, chaperoned by the wheeling night-hawk and the startled owl. Often the Mexicans would come up from their shacks with their guitars and sing the weirdest of heart-breaking songs. There were long, cosy chats on the breezy gallery, and an interminable warfare of wits between Teddy and Mrs. MacIntyre, whose abundant Scotch shrewdness often more than overmatched the lighter humour in which she was lacking.
Came the long, hot season from May to September, when work is scarce on the ranches. Octavia spent her days in a kind of dreamy haze. Books, hammocks, letters to a few close friends, and a renewed interest in her old watercolor set and easel helped pass the steamy hours of daylight. The evenings always promised fun. Best of all were the exhilarating horseback rides with Teddy, when the moon lit up the wind-swept landscape, accompanied by the soaring night-hawk and the startled owl. Often, the Mexicans would come up from their shacks with their guitars and sing the most hauntingly beautiful songs. There were long, cozy chats on the breezy porch and an endless battle of wits between Teddy and Mrs. MacIntyre, whose sharp Scottish cleverness often outmatched the lighter humor she lacked.
And the nights came, one after another, and were filed away by weeks and months—nights soft and languorous and fragrant, that should have driven Strephon to Chloe over wires however barbed, that might have drawn Cupid himself to hunt, lasso in hand, among those amorous pastures—but Teddy kept his fences up.
And the nights went by, one after another, marked by weeks and months—nights soft, relaxed, and fragrant, that should have urged Strephon to reach out to Chloe despite any obstacles, that might have attracted Cupid himself to chase around those romantic fields—but Teddy kept his barriers up.
One July night Madame Bo-Peep and her ranch manager were sitting on the east gallery. Teddy had been exhausting the science of prognostication as to the probabilities of a price of twenty-four cents for the autumn clip, and had then subsided into an anesthetic cloud of Havana smoke. Only as incompetent a judge as a woman would have failed to note long ago that at least a third of his salary must have gone up in the fumes of those imported Regalias.
One July night, Madame Bo-Peep and her ranch manager were sitting on the east porch. Teddy had been wearing himself out trying to predict whether the price for the autumn clip would be twenty-four cents, and had then drifted off into a hazy cloud of Havana smoke. Only someone as clueless as a woman would have missed the fact that at least a third of his salary must have disappeared in the fumes of those imported Regalias.
“Teddy,” said Octavia, suddenly, and rather sharply, “what are you working down here on a ranch for?”
“Teddy,” Octavia said suddenly and a bit sharply, “why are you working down here on a ranch?”
“One hundred per,” said Teddy, glibly, “and found.”
“One hundred percent,” said Teddy, smoothly, “and found.”
“I’ve a good mind to discharge you.”
“I’m seriously thinking about letting you go.”
“Can’t do it,” said Teddy, with a grin.
“Can't do it,” said Teddy, grinning.
“Why not?” demanded Octavia, with argumentative heat.
“Why not?” Octavia insisted, with passionate intensity.
“Under contract. Terms of sale respect all unexpired contracts. Mine runs until 12 P. M., December thirty-first. You might get up at midnight on that date and fire me. If you try it sooner I’ll be in a position to bring legal proceedings.”
“Under contract. The terms of sale honor all active contracts. Mine is valid until 12 P.M. on December 31st. You could wake up at midnight on that date and terminate my contract. If you attempt to do it sooner, I’ll be ready to take legal action.”
Octavia seemed to be considering the prospects of litigation.
Octavia appeared to be weighing the possibilities of a legal case.
“But,” continued Teddy cheerfully, “I’ve been thinking of resigning anyway.”
“But,” Teddy continued cheerfully, “I’ve been thinking about quitting anyway.”
Octavia’s rocking-chair ceased its motion. There were centipedes in this country, she felt sure; and Indians, and vast, lonely, desolate, empty wastes; all within strong barbed-wire fence. There was a Van Dresser pride, but there was also a Van Dresser heart. She must know for certain whether or not he had forgotten.
Octavia’s rocking chair stopped moving. She was sure there were centipedes in this country; and Indians, and huge, lonely, desolate, empty stretches; all within a strong barbed-wire fence. There was a Van Dresser pride, but there was also a Van Dresser heart. She needed to know for sure whether he had forgotten or not.
“Ah, well, Teddy,” she said, with a fine assumption of polite interest, “it’s lonely down here; you’re longing to get back to the old life—to polo and lobsters and theatres and balls.”
“Ah, well, Teddy,” she said, with a perfect display of polite interest, “it’s lonely down here; you’re eager to return to the old life—to polo and seafood and shows and parties.”
“Never cared much for balls,” said Teddy virtuously.
“Never really liked balls,” said Teddy, sounding earnest.
“You’re getting old, Teddy. Your memory is failing. Nobody ever knew you to miss a dance, unless it occurred on the same night with another one which you attended. And you showed such shocking bad taste, too, in dancing too often with the same partner. Let me see, what was that Forbes girl’s name—the one with wall eyes—Mabel, wasn’t it?”
“You’re getting old, Teddy. Your memory is slipping. No one ever knew you to miss a dance, unless it was on the same night as another one you went to. And you had such terrible taste, too, in dancing too often with the same partner. Let me see, what was that Forbes girl’s name—the one with crossed eyes—Mabel, right?”
“No; Adèle. Mabel was the one with the bony elbows. That wasn’t wall in Adèle’s eyes. It was soul. We used to talk sonnets together, and Verlaine. Just then I was trying to run a pipe from the Pierian spring.”
“No; Adèle. Mabel was the one with the bony elbows. That wasn’t a wall in Adèle’s eyes. It was soul. We used to talk about sonnets together, and Verlaine. Just then I was trying to run a pipe from the Pierian spring.”
“You were on the floor with her,” said Octavia, undeflected, “five times at the Hammersmiths’.”
“You were on the floor with her,” Octavia said, unfazed, “five times at the Hammersmiths’.”
“Hammersmiths’ what?” questioned Teddy, vacuously.
“Hammersmiths’ what?” Teddy asked, confused.
“Ball—ball,” said Octavia, viciously. “What were we talking of?”
“Ball—ball,” Octavia said sharply. “What were we talking about?”
“Eyes, I thought,” said Teddy, after some reflection; “and elbows.”
“Eyes, I thought,” Teddy said after a moment of reflection; “and elbows.”
“Those Hammersmiths,” went on Octavia, in her sweetest society prattle, after subduing an intense desire to yank a handful of sunburnt, sandy hair from the head lying back contentedly against the canvas of the steamer chair, “had too much money. Mines, wasn’t it? It was something that paid something to the ton. You couldn’t get a glass of plain water in their house. Everything at that ball was dreadfully overdone.”
“Those Hammersmiths,” Octavia continued in her sweetest conversational tone, after fighting the urge to grab a handful of sunburnt, sandy hair from the head resting back comfortably against the canvas of the steamer chair, “had way too much money. Was it from mines? It was something that paid a lot per ton. You couldn’t even get a glass of plain water in their house. Everything at that ball was ridiculously over the top.”
“It was,” said Teddy.
"It was," Teddy said.
“Such a crowd there was!” Octavia continued, conscious that she was talking the rapid drivel of a school-girl describing her first dance. “The balconies were as warm as the rooms. I—lost—something at that ball.” The last sentence was uttered in a tone calculated to remove the barbs from miles of wire.
“Such a crowd there was!” Octavia continued, aware that she sounded like a schoolgirl excitedly talking about her first dance. “The balconies were just as warm as the rooms. I—lost—something at that ball.” The final sentence was said in a way that aimed to soften the impact of what she had lost.
“So did I,” confessed Teddy, in a lower voice.
“So did I,” confessed Teddy, in a quieter voice.
“A glove,” said Octavia, falling back as the enemy approached her ditches.
“A glove,” Octavia said, stepping back as the enemy neared her ditches.
“Caste,” said Teddy, halting his firing line without loss. “I hobnobbed, half the evening with one of Hammersmith’s miners, a fellow who kept his hands in his pockets, and talked like an archangel about reduction plants and drifts and levels and sluice-boxes.”
“Caste,” Teddy said, pausing his firing line without skipping a beat. “I spent half the evening hanging out with one of Hammersmith’s miners, a guy who kept his hands in his pockets and talked like an expert about reduction plants, drifts, levels, and sluice-boxes.”
“A pearl-gray glove, nearly new,” sighed Octavia, mournfully.
“A nearly new pearl-gray glove,” sighed Octavia, sadly.
“A bang-up chap, that McArdle,” maintained Teddy approvingly. “A man who hated olives and elevators; a man who handled mountains as croquettes, and built tunnels in the air; a man who never uttered a word of silly nonsense in his life. Did you sign those lease-renewal applications yet, madama? They’ve got to be on file in the land office by the thirty-first.”
“A great guy, that McArdle,” Teddy said, nodding in approval. “A guy who couldn’t stand olives or elevators; a guy who dealt with mountains like they were just croquettes and could build tunnels in the sky; a guy who never said a word of silly nonsense in his life. Have you signed those lease-renewal applications yet, madam? They need to be filed in the land office by the thirty-first.”
Teddy turned his head lazily. Octavia’s chair was vacant.
Teddy turned his head slowly. Octavia’s chair was empty.
A certain centipede, crawling along the lines marked out by fate, expounded the situation. It was early one morning while Octavia and Mrs. Maclntyre were trimming the honeysuckle on the west gallery. Teddy had risen and departed hastily before daylight in response to word that a flock of ewes had been scattered from their bedding ground during the night by a thunder-storm.
A certain centipede, moving along the paths laid out by fate, explained what was happening. It was early one morning while Octavia and Mrs. Maclntyre were trimming the honeysuckle on the west gallery. Teddy had gotten up and left quickly before dawn after hearing that a flock of ewes had been scattered from their bedding area during the night by a thunderstorm.
The centipede, driven by destiny, showed himself on the floor of the gallery, and then, the screeches of the two women giving him his cue, he scuttled with all his yellow legs through the open door into the furthermost west room, which was Teddy’s. Arming themselves with domestic utensils selected with regard to their length, Octavia and Mrs. Maclntyre, with much clutching of skirts and skirmishing for the position of rear guard in the attacking force, followed.
The centipede, guided by fate, appeared on the gallery floor, and with the screams of the two women giving him the signal, he hurried with all his yellow legs through the open door into the farthest room, which was Teddy’s. Preparing themselves with household utensils chosen for their length, Octavia and Mrs. Maclntyre, while clutching their skirts and jostling for the rear guard position in the attack, followed.
Once outside, the centipede seemed to have disappeared, and his prospective murderers began a thorough but cautious search for their victim.
Once they were outside, the centipede appeared to be gone, and his would-be killers started a careful but thorough search for their victim.
Even in the midst of such a dangerous and absorbing adventure Octavia was conscious of an awed curiosity on finding herself in Teddy’s sanctum. In that room he sat alone, silently communing with those secret thoughts that he now shared with no one, dreamed there whatever dreams he now called on no one to interpret.
Even in the middle of such a dangerous and captivating adventure, Octavia felt a sense of awe and curiosity as she found herself in Teddy’s private space. In that room, he sat alone, silently in touch with the secret thoughts he no longer shared with anyone, dreaming whatever dreams he chose to keep to himself.
It was the room of a Spartan or a soldier. In one corner stood a wide, canvas-covered cot; in another, a small bookcase; in another, a grim stand of Winchesters and shotguns. An immense table, strewn with letters, papers and documents and surmounted by a set of pigeon-holes, occupied one side.
It was the room of a Spartan or a soldier. In one corner was a wide, canvas-covered cot; in another, a small bookcase; and in yet another stood a grim display of Winchesters and shotguns. An enormous table, cluttered with letters, papers, and documents, topped with a set of pigeonholes, took up one side.
The centipede showed genius in concealing himself in such bare quarters. Mrs. Maclntyre was poking a broom-handle behind the bookcase. Octavia approached Teddy’s cot. The room was just as the manager had left it in his hurry. The Mexican maid had not yet given it her attention. There was his big pillow with the imprint of his head still in the centre. She thought the horrid beast might have climbed the cot and hidden itself to bite Teddy. Centipedes were thus cruel and vindictive toward managers.
The centipede was really clever at hiding in such a sparse room. Mrs. MacIntyre was sticking a broom handle behind the bookcase. Octavia walked over to Teddy's crib. The room was just as the manager had left it in his rush. The Mexican maid hadn't come in to clean it yet. There was his large pillow with the shape of his head still in the middle. She thought the awful creature might have crawled into the crib and hidden there to bite Teddy. Centipedes were indeed cruel and spiteful towards managers.
She cautiously overturned the pillow, and then parted her lips to give the signal for reinforcements at sight of a long, slender, dark object lying there. But, repressing it in time, she caught up a glove, a pearl-gray glove, flattened—it might be conceived—by many, many months of nightly pressure beneath the pillow of the man who had forgotten the Hammersmiths’ ball. Teddy must have left so hurriedly that morning that he had, for once, forgotten to transfer it to its resting-place by day. Even managers, who are notoriously wily and cunning, are sometimes caught up with.
She carefully flipped over the pillow and then opened her mouth to call for help when she spotted a long, thin, dark object lying there. But, stopping herself just in time, she picked up a glove, a pearl-gray glove, which was probably flattened from being pressed under the man's pillow for many months while he forgot about the Hammersmiths’ ball. Teddy must have rushed out that morning and, for once, forgotten to put it in its daytime spot. Even managers, who are known for being sly and tricky, can sometimes be caught off guard.
Octavia slid the gray glove into the bosom of her summery morning gown. It was hers. Men who put themselves within a strong barbed-wire fence, and remember Hammersmith balls only by the talk of miners about sluice-boxes, should not be allowed to possess such articles.
Octavia tucked the gray glove into the neckline of her summer dress. It belonged to her. Men who isolate themselves behind a strong barbed-wire fence and only recall Hammersmith balls through the chatter of miners about sluice boxes shouldn't be allowed to own such things.
After all, what a paradise this prairie country was! How it blossomed like the rose when you found things that were thought to be lost! How delicious was that morning breeze coming in the windows, fresh and sweet with the breath of the yellow ratama blooms! Might one not stand, for a minute, with shining, far-gazing eyes, and dream that mistakes might be corrected?
After all, what a paradise this prairie country was! It bloomed like a rose when you discovered things that were thought to be lost! That morning breeze coming through the windows was so refreshing and sweet with the scent of the yellow ratama flowers! Could one not stand for a moment, with bright, distant-looking eyes, and imagine that mistakes could be fixed?
Why was Mrs. Maclntyre poking about so absurdly with a broom?
Why was Mrs. Maclntyre fooling around so ridiculously with a broom?
“I’ve found it,” said Mrs. MacIntyre, banging the door. “Here it is.”
“I’ve found it,” said Mrs. MacIntyre, slamming the door. “Here it is.”
“Did you lose something? asked Octavia, with sweetly polite non-interest.
“Did you lose something?” asked Octavia, with a politely uninterested tone.
“The little devil!” said Mrs. Maclntyre, driven to violence. “Ye’ve no forgotten him alretty?”
“The little devil!” said Mrs. Maclntyre, pushed to the edge. “You haven't forgotten him already?”
Between them they slew the centipede. Thus was he rewarded for his agency toward the recovery of things lost at the Hammersmiths’ ball.
Between them, they killed the centipede. This was his reward for helping to recover the things lost at the Hammersmiths' ball.
It seems that Teddy, in due course, remembered the glove, and when he returned to the house at sunset made a secret but exhaustive search for it. Not until evening, upon the moonlit eastern gallery, did he find it. It was upon the hand that he had thought lost to him forever, and so he was moved to repeat certain nonsense that he had been commanded never, never to utter again. Teddy’s fences were down.
It seems that Teddy eventually remembered the glove, and when he got back to the house at sunset, he made a private but thorough search for it. Not until evening, on the moonlit eastern porch, did he find it. It was on the hand he thought he had lost forever, so he felt compelled to repeat some silly words he had been told never, ever to say again. Teddy’s defenses were down.
This time there was no ambition to stand in the way, and the wooing was as natural and successful as should be between ardent shepherd and gentle shepherdess.
This time there was no ambition to interfere, and the courting was as effortless and effective as it should be between a passionate shepherd and a sweet shepherdess.
The prairies changed to a garden. The Rancho de las Sombras became the Ranch of Light.
The prairies transformed into a garden. The Rancho de las Sombras became the Ranch of Light.
A few days later Octavia received a letter from Mr. Bannister, in reply to one she had written to him asking some questions about her business. A portion of the letter ran as follows:
A few days later, Octavia got a letter from Mr. Bannister, responding to one she had sent him with some questions about her business. A part of the letter said:
“I am at a loss to account for your references to the sheep ranch. Two months after your departure to take up your residence upon it, it was discovered that Colonel Beaupree’s title was worthless. A deed came to light showing that he disposed of the property before his death. The matter was reported to your manager, Mr. Westlake, who at once repurchased the property. It is entirely beyond my powers of conjecture to imagine how you have remained in ignorance of this fact. I beg that you that will at once confer with that gentleman, who will, at least, corroborate my statement.”
“I have no idea why you keep bringing up the sheep ranch. Two months after you moved there, it was found out that Colonel Beaupree’s title was worthless. A deed came to light showing that he sold the property before he died. Your manager, Mr. Westlake, was informed and quickly repurchased the property. I really can’t figure out how you haven’t heard about this. Please talk to him right away; he can at least confirm what I’m saying.”
Octavia sought Teddy, with battle in her eye.
Octavia looked for Teddy, determination in her gaze.
“What are you working on this ranch for?” she asked once more.
“What are you working on this ranch for?” she asked again.
“One hundred—” he began to repeat, but saw in her face that she knew. She held Mr. Bannister’s letter in her hand. He knew that the game was up.
“One hundred—” he started to say again, but saw on her face that she already knew. She was holding Mr. Bannister’s letter in her hand. He realized that the game was up.
“It’s my ranch,” said Teddy, like a schoolboy detected in evil. “It’s a mighty poor manager that isn’t able to absorb the boss’s business if you give him time.”
“It’s my ranch,” Teddy said, looking like a schoolboy caught doing something wrong. “It’s a really bad manager who can’t take over the boss’s business if you give him some time.”
“Why were you working down here?” pursued Octavia still struggling after the key to the riddle of Teddy.
“Why were you working down here?” Octavia continued, still trying to figure out the riddle of Teddy.
“To tell the truth, ’Tave,” said Teddy, with quiet candour, “it wasn’t for the salary. That about kept me in cigars and sunburn lotions. I was sent south by my doctor. ’Twas that right lung that was going to the bad on account of over-exercise and strain at polo and gymnastics. I needed climate and ozone and rest and things of that sort.”
“To be honest, ’Tave,” Teddy said with a calm sincerity, “it wasn’t about the salary. That barely covered my cigars and sunscreen. My doctor sent me south. It was my right lung that was suffering from too much exercise and strain from polo and gymnastics. I needed a change of climate, fresh air, and some rest.”
In an instant Octavia was close against the vicinity of the affected organ. Mr. Bannister’s letter fluttered to the floor.
In an instant, Octavia was right up against the area of the affected organ. Mr. Bannister’s letter fell to the floor.
“It’s—it’s well now, isn’t it, Teddy?”
“It’s—it's good now, isn’t it, Teddy?”
“Sound as a mesquite chunk. I deceived you in one thing. I paid fifty thousand for your ranch as soon as I found you had no title. I had just about that much income accumulated at my banker’s while I’ve been herding sheep down here, so it was almost like picking the thing up on a bargain-counter for a penny. There’s another little surplus of unearned increment piling up there, ’Tave. I’ve been thinking of a wedding trip in a yacht with white ribbons tied to the mast, through the Mediterranean, and then up among the Hebrides and down Norway to the Zuyder Zee.”
“Solid as a mesquite chunk. I tricked you about one thing. I bought your ranch for fifty thousand as soon as I realized you had no title. I had about that much saved up with my banker while I was down here herding sheep, so it felt like I was picking it up on a clearance rack for a penny. There's another little pile of unearned profit building up there, ’Tave. I’ve been thinking about a wedding trip on a yacht with white ribbons tied to the mast, cruising through the Mediterranean, then heading up to the Hebrides and down through Norway to the Zuyder Zee.”
“And I was thinking,” said Octavia, softly, “of a wedding gallop with my manager among the flocks of sheep and back to a wedding breakfast with Mrs. MacIntyre on the gallery, with, maybe, a sprig of orange blossom fastened to the red jar above the table.”
“And I was thinking,” said Octavia softly, “of a wedding ride with my manager among the sheep and then back to a wedding breakfast with Mrs. MacIntyre on the balcony, maybe with a sprig of orange blossom attached to the red jar above the table.”
Teddy laughed, and began to chant:
Teddy laughed and started to chant:
“Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn’t know where to find ’em.
Let ’em alone, and they’ll come home,
And—”
“Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And doesn’t know where to find them.
Leave them alone, and they’ll come home,
And—”
Octavia drew his head down, and whispered in his ear.
Octavia pulled his head down and whispered in his ear.
But that is one of the tales they brought behind them.
But that's one of the stories they brought back with them.
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