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The Man Who Was Thursday
A Nightmare
by G. K. Chesterton
Contents
A WILD, MAD, HILARIOUS AND PROFOUNDLY MOVING TALE
It is very difficult to classify THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY. It is possible to say that it is a gripping adventure story of murderous criminals and brilliant policemen; but it was to be expected that the author of the Father Brown stories should tell a detective story like no-one else. On this level, therefore, THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY succeeds superbly; if nothing else, it is a magnificent tour-de-force of suspense-writing.
It’s really hard to classify THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY. You could say it’s an exciting adventure about murderous criminals and clever cops, but it makes sense that the author of the Father Brown stories would write a detective story like no one else. On that level, THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY does an amazing job; if nothing else, it’s a fantastic showcase of suspense-writing.
However, the reader will soon discover that it is much more than that. Carried along on the boisterous rush of the narrative by Chesterton’s wonderful high-spirited style, he will soon see that he is being carried into much deeper waters than he had planned on; and the totally unforeseeable denouement will prove for the modern reader, as it has for thousands of others since 1908 when the book was first published, an inevitable and moving experience, as the investigators finally discover who Sunday is.
However, the reader will soon realize that it’s much more than that. Driven along by the lively flow of the narrative and Chesterton’s amazing upbeat style, they will quickly find themselves in much deeper waters than they expected; and the completely unexpected conclusion will be for today’s reader, just as it has been for thousands of others since 1908 when the book was first published, an inevitable and emotional experience, as the investigators finally uncover who Sunday is.
THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY
A NIGHTMARE
To Edmund Clerihew Bentley
To Edmund Clerihew Bentley
A cloud was on the mind of men, and wailing went the weather,
Yea, a sick cloud upon the soul when we were boys together.
Science announced nonentity and art admired decay;
The world was old and ended: but you and I were gay;
Round us in antic order their crippled vices came—
Lust that had lost its laughter, fear that had lost its shame.
Like the white lock of Whistler, that lit our aimless gloom,
Men showed their own white feather as proudly as a plume.
Life was a fly that faded, and death a drone that stung;
The world was very old indeed when you and I were young.
They twisted even decent sin to shapes not to be named:
Men were ashamed of honour; but we were not ashamed.
Weak if we were and foolish, not thus we failed, not thus;
When that black Baal blocked the heavens he had no hymns from us
Children we were—our forts of sand were even as weak as we,
High as they went we piled them up to break that bitter sea.
Fools as we were in motley, all jangling and absurd,
When all church bells were silent our cap and bells were heard.
Not all unhelped we held the fort, our tiny flags unfurled;
Some giants laboured in that cloud to lift it from the world.
I find again the book we found, I feel the hour that flings
Far out of fish-shaped Paumanok some cry of cleaner things;
And the Green Carnation withered, as in forest fires that pass,
Roared in the wind of all the world ten million leaves of grass;
Or sane and sweet and sudden as a bird sings in the rain—
Truth out of Tusitala spoke and pleasure out of pain.
Yea, cool and clear and sudden as a bird sings in the grey,
Dunedin to Samoa spoke, and darkness unto day.
But we were young; we lived to see God break their bitter charms.
God and the good Republic come riding back in arms:
We have seen the City of Mansoul, even as it rocked, relieved—
Blessed are they who did not see, but being blind, believed.
This is a tale of those old fears, even of those emptied hells,
And none but you shall understand the true thing that it tells—
Of what colossal gods of shame could cow men and yet crash,
Of what huge devils hid the stars, yet fell at a pistol flash.
The doubts that were so plain to chase, so dreadful to withstand—
Oh, who shall understand but you; yea, who shall understand?
The doubts that drove us through the night as we two talked amain,
And day had broken on the streets e’er it broke upon the brain.
Between us, by the peace of God, such truth can now be told;
Yea, there is strength in striking root and good in growing old.
We have found common things at last and marriage and a creed,
And I may safely write it now, and you may safely read.
A cloud was on people's minds, and the weather was grim,
Yeah, a sick cloud over our souls when we were boys together.
Science declared there was nothing, and art celebrated decay;
The world felt old and finished: but you and I were carefree;
Surrounding us in strange order, their broken vices appeared—
Lust that had lost its laughter, fear that had lost its shame.
Like Whistler's white lock, that brightened our aimless gloom,
Men showed their white feathers as proudly as a plume.
Life was a fading fly, and death was a stinging drone;
The world truly felt ancient when you and I were young.
They twisted even decent sin into shapes unnameable;
Men were ashamed of honor; but we felt no shame.
Weak if we were and foolish, we did not fail in that way;
When that dark Baal blocked the heavens, he got no hymns from us.
We were children—our sandcastles were as weak as we,
High as they rose, we piled them up to brave that bitter sea.
Fools as we were in costumes, all noisy and absurd,
When all church bells were silent, our cap and bells were heard.
Not unguided, we held our fort, our little flags unfurled;
Some giants worked in that cloud to lift it from the world.
I rediscover the book we found, I feel the moment that throws
Far from fish-shaped Paumanok some cry of cleaner things;
And the Green Carnation withered, as in forest fires that pass,
Roared in the wind of all the world ten million leaves of grass;
Or sane and sweet and sudden like a bird sings in the rain—
Truth from Tusitala spoke and pleasure from pain.
Yeah, cool and clear and sudden like a bird sings in the grey,
Dunedin to Samoa spoke, and darkness turned to day.
But we were young; we lived to see God break their cruel charms.
God and the good Republic came riding back in arms:
We have seen the City of Mansoul, even as it rocked, relieved—
Blessed are those who did not see but, being blind, believed.
This is a story of those old fears, even of those empty hells,
And none but you will understand the real thing that it tells—
Of what colossal gods of shame could frighten men yet crash,
Of what huge devils hid the stars, yet fell at a gun's flash.
The doubts that were so clear to chase, so terrifying to withstand—
Oh, who will understand but you; yeah, who will understand?
The doubts that drove us through the night as we two talked fast,
And day broke on the streets long before it broke upon the mind.
Between us, by the peace of God, such truth can now be shared;
Yeah, there's strength in taking root and good in growing old.
We have finally found common ground and marriage and a creed,
And I can safely write it now, and you can safely read.
G. K. C.
G.K. Chesterton
CHAPTER I.
THE TWO POETS OF SAFFRON PARK
The suburb of Saffron Park lay on the sunset side of London, as red and ragged as a cloud of sunset. It was built of a bright brick throughout; its sky-line was fantastic, and even its ground plan was wild. It had been the outburst of a speculative builder, faintly tinged with art, who called its architecture sometimes Elizabethan and sometimes Queen Anne, apparently under the impression that the two sovereigns were identical. It was described with some justice as an artistic colony, though it never in any definable way produced any art. But although its pretensions to be an intellectual centre were a little vague, its pretensions to be a pleasant place were quite indisputable. The stranger who looked for the first time at the quaint red houses could only think how very oddly shaped the people must be who could fit in to them. Nor when he met the people was he disappointed in this respect. The place was not only pleasant, but perfect, if once he could regard it not as a deception but rather as a dream. Even if the people were not “artists,” the whole was nevertheless artistic. That young man with the long, auburn hair and the impudent face—that young man was not really a poet; but surely he was a poem. That old gentleman with the wild, white beard and the wild, white hat—that venerable humbug was not really a philosopher; but at least he was the cause of philosophy in others. That scientific gentleman with the bald, egg-like head and the bare, bird-like neck had no real right to the airs of science that he assumed. He had not discovered anything new in biology; but what biological creature could he have discovered more singular than himself? Thus, and thus only, the whole place had properly to be regarded; it had to be considered not so much as a workshop for artists, but as a frail but finished work of art. A man who stepped into its social atmosphere felt as if he had stepped into a written comedy.
The suburb of Saffron Park was located on the sunset side of London, as red and tattered as a sunset cloud. It was made entirely of bright bricks; its skyline was incredible, and even its layout was chaotic. It was the creation of a speculative builder, slightly inspired by art, who sometimes described its style as Elizabethan and sometimes as Queen Anne, seemingly thinking they were the same. It was fairly accurately called an artistic colony, even though it never produced any art in any clear way. However, while its claims to be an intellectual hub were somewhat vague, its claims to being a nice place were definitely true. A newcomer looking at the quirky red houses for the first time could only wonder how strangely shaped the people must be who could live in them. And when he met those people, he wasn't let down in that regard. The place was not just pleasant, but perfect, if he could see it not as an illusion but as a dream. Even if the people weren't “artists,” the whole environment still felt artistic. That young man with the long auburn hair and cheeky face wasn’t really a poet, but he was definitely like a poem. That old gentleman with the wild white beard and hat—he was not really a philosopher, but he certainly inspired philosophical thoughts in others. That scientist with the bald, egg-shaped head and thin neck didn't truly deserve the pretentiousness of science he displayed. He hadn’t discovered anything groundbreaking in biology; yet what biological marvel could he have discovered that was more unusual than himself? In this way, the whole place should only be viewed as a delicate but complete work of art. A person stepping into its social scene felt as if they had walked into a written comedy.
More especially this attractive unreality fell upon it about nightfall, when the extravagant roofs were dark against the afterglow and the whole insane village seemed as separate as a drifting cloud. This again was more strongly true of the many nights of local festivity, when the little gardens were often illuminated, and the big Chinese lanterns glowed in the dwarfish trees like some fierce and monstrous fruit. And this was strongest of all on one particular evening, still vaguely remembered in the locality, of which the auburn-haired poet was the hero. It was not by any means the only evening of which he was the hero. On many nights those passing by his little back garden might hear his high, didactic voice laying down the law to men and particularly to women. The attitude of women in such cases was indeed one of the paradoxes of the place. Most of the women were of the kind vaguely called emancipated, and professed some protest against male supremacy. Yet these new women would always pay to a man the extravagant compliment which no ordinary woman ever pays to him, that of listening while he is talking. And Mr. Lucian Gregory, the red-haired poet, was really (in some sense) a man worth listening to, even if one only laughed at the end of it. He put the old cant of the lawlessness of art and the art of lawlessness with a certain impudent freshness which gave at least a momentary pleasure. He was helped in some degree by the arresting oddity of his appearance, which he worked, as the phrase goes, for all it was worth. His dark red hair parted in the middle was literally like a woman’s, and curved into the slow curls of a virgin in a pre-Raphaelite picture. From within this almost saintly oval, however, his face projected suddenly broad and brutal, the chin carried forward with a look of cockney contempt. This combination at once tickled and terrified the nerves of a neurotic population. He seemed like a walking blasphemy, a blend of the angel and the ape.
Especially at nightfall, this captivating unreality surrounded it, when the elaborate roofs stood out against the twilight, and the whole eccentric village appeared as isolated as a drifting cloud. This feeling was even stronger during the many nights of local celebration, when the little gardens were often lit up, and the large Chinese lanterns shone in the tiny trees like some fierce and monstrous fruit. This sensation was most intense on one specific evening, still vaguely recalled in the area, with the auburn-haired poet as its focal point. It certainly wasn’t the only evening where he was the center of attention. Many nights, those walking by his small back garden could hear his high, instructional voice dictating to both men and particularly to women. The response of women in these situations was indeed one of the ironies of the place. Most of the women were somewhat labeled as "emancipated," claiming to protest against male dominance. Yet these modern women would always extend to a man the extravagant compliment that no ordinary woman ever gives, which is to listen while he speaks. And Mr. Lucian Gregory, the red-haired poet, was genuinely (in some sense) a man worth listening to, even if it was just to laugh at the end. He presented the old clichés about the lawlessness of art and the artistry of lawlessness with a certain cheeky freshness that provided at least a momentary pleasure. He was somewhat aided by the striking peculiarity of his appearance, which he maximized, as the saying goes. His dark red hair, parted in the middle, was literally like a woman’s and curled gently like a maiden in a pre-Raphaelite painting. However, from this almost saintly oval, his face suddenly projected broad and brutish, with a chin that jutted forward in a look of Cockney disdain. This combination simultaneously amused and unsettled the nerves of a neurotic community. He seemed like a walking blasphemy, a mix of angel and ape.
This particular evening, if it is remembered for nothing else, will be remembered in that place for its strange sunset. It looked like the end of the world. All the heaven seemed covered with a quite vivid and palpable plumage; you could only say that the sky was full of feathers, and of feathers that almost brushed the face. Across the great part of the dome they were grey, with the strangest tints of violet and mauve and an unnatural pink or pale green; but towards the west the whole grew past description, transparent and passionate, and the last red-hot plumes of it covered up the sun like something too good to be seen. The whole was so close about the earth, as to express nothing but a violent secrecy. The very empyrean seemed to be a secret. It expressed that splendid smallness which is the soul of local patriotism. The very sky seemed small.
This particular evening, if it’s remembered for nothing else, will be remembered in that place for its strange sunset. It looked like the end of the world. The whole sky seemed covered with a vivid and tangible layer; you could only say that the sky was full of feathers that almost brushed against your face. Most of the dome was grey, with the strangest shades of violet, mauve, and an unnatural pink or pale green; but towards the west, it grew beyond description, transparent and passionate, and the last fiery plumes covered the sun like something too beautiful to be seen. The whole scene felt so close to the earth, it conveyed nothing but a violent secrecy. Even the sky seemed to hold a secret. It expressed that splendid smallness that captures the essence of local pride. The sky itself felt small.
I say that there are some inhabitants who may remember the evening if only by that oppressive sky. There are others who may remember it because it marked the first appearance in the place of the second poet of Saffron Park. For a long time the red-haired revolutionary had reigned without a rival; it was upon the night of the sunset that his solitude suddenly ended. The new poet, who introduced himself by the name of Gabriel Syme was a very mild-looking mortal, with a fair, pointed beard and faint, yellow hair. But an impression grew that he was less meek than he looked. He signalised his entrance by differing with the established poet, Gregory, upon the whole nature of poetry. He said that he (Syme) was poet of law, a poet of order; nay, he said he was a poet of respectability. So all the Saffron Parkers looked at him as if he had that moment fallen out of that impossible sky.
I say there are some people who might remember that evening just because of the heavy sky. Others might recall it because it marked the first appearance of the second poet of Saffron Park. For a long time, the red-haired revolutionary had been the only one; it was on that sunset night that his solitude suddenly ended. The new poet, who introduced himself as Gabriel Syme, looked quite mild, with a light, pointed beard and faint yellow hair. But it became clear that he was less gentle than he seemed. He made his entrance by disagreeing with the established poet, Gregory, about poetry itself. He claimed that he (Syme) was a poet of law, a poet of order; in fact, he called himself a poet of respectability. So all the Saffron Park residents looked at him as if he had just dropped out of that impossible sky.
In fact, Mr. Lucian Gregory, the anarchic poet, connected the two events.
In fact, Mr. Lucian Gregory, the anarchist poet, linked the two events.
“It may well be,” he said, in his sudden lyrical manner, “it may well be on such a night of clouds and cruel colours that there is brought forth upon the earth such a portent as a respectable poet. You say you are a poet of law; I say you are a contradiction in terms. I only wonder there were not comets and earthquakes on the night you appeared in this garden.”
“It might be,” he said, in his sudden lyrical way, “it might just be on a night of clouds and harsh colors that a respectable poet comes into existence. You claim to be a poet of law; I claim you’re a walking contradiction. I’m just surprised there weren’t comets and earthquakes the night you showed up in this garden.”
The man with the meek blue eyes and the pale, pointed beard endured these thunders with a certain submissive solemnity. The third party of the group, Gregory’s sister Rosamond, who had her brother’s braids of red hair, but a kindlier face underneath them, laughed with such mixture of admiration and disapproval as she gave commonly to the family oracle.
The man with the gentle blue eyes and the pale, pointed beard faced these loud noises with a kind of quiet seriousness. The third member of the group, Gregory’s sister Rosamond, who shared her brother’s red hair but had a friendlier face, laughed with a blend of admiration and disapproval that she often showed to the family oracle.
Gregory resumed in high oratorical good humour.
Gregory continued with a cheerful and impressive speaking style.
“An artist is identical with an anarchist,” he cried. “You might transpose the words anywhere. An anarchist is an artist. The man who throws a bomb is an artist, because he prefers a great moment to everything. He sees how much more valuable is one burst of blazing light, one peal of perfect thunder, than the mere common bodies of a few shapeless policemen. An artist disregards all governments, abolishes all conventions. The poet delights in disorder only. If it were not so, the most poetical thing in the world would be the Underground Railway.”
“An artist is the same as an anarchist,” he shouted. “You could switch the words around. An anarchist is an artist. The guy who throws a bomb is an artist because he values a powerful moment above everything else. He understands that one flash of brilliant light, one amazing clap of thunder, is worth so much more than the lifeless forms of a few random policemen. An artist ignores all governments and breaks all rules. The poet only revels in chaos. If it weren’t true, the most poetic thing in the world would be the subway.”
“So it is,” said Mr. Syme.
“So it is,” Mr. Syme said.
“Nonsense!” said Gregory, who was very rational when anyone else attempted paradox. “Why do all the clerks and navvies in the railway trains look so sad and tired, so very sad and tired? I will tell you. It is because they know that the train is going right. It is because they know that whatever place they have taken a ticket for that place they will reach. It is because after they have passed Sloane Square they know that the next station must be Victoria, and nothing but Victoria. Oh, their wild rapture! oh, their eyes like stars and their souls again in Eden, if the next station were unaccountably Baker Street!”
“That's nonsense!” Gregory said, who was very logical when anyone else brought up a paradox. “Why do all the clerks and construction workers on the trains look so sad and exhausted, so incredibly sad and exhausted? I’ll tell you. It’s because they know the train is on the right track. It’s because they know that wherever they bought a ticket for, they will get there. It’s because once they pass Sloane Square, they know the next stop will be Victoria, and nothing else but Victoria. Oh, their wild joy! Oh, their eyes shining like stars and their souls back in paradise, if the next station were unexpectedly Baker Street!”
“It is you who are unpoetical,” replied the poet Syme. “If what you say of clerks is true, they can only be as prosaic as your poetry. The rare, strange thing is to hit the mark; the gross, obvious thing is to miss it. We feel it is epical when man with one wild arrow strikes a distant bird. Is it not also epical when man with one wild engine strikes a distant station? Chaos is dull; because in chaos the train might indeed go anywhere, to Baker Street or to Bagdad. But man is a magician, and his whole magic is in this, that he does say Victoria, and lo! it is Victoria. No, take your books of mere poetry and prose; let me read a time table, with tears of pride. Take your Byron, who commemorates the defeats of man; give me Bradshaw, who commemorates his victories. Give me Bradshaw, I say!”
“It’s you who lack a sense of poetry,” replied the poet Syme. “If what you say about clerks is true, they can only be as dull as your poetry. The rare and extraordinary thing is to hit the target; the obvious and careless thing is to miss it. We feel it’s epic when a person, with one wild arrow, strikes a distant bird. Isn’t it also epic when a person, with one powerful engine, reaches a distant station? Chaos is boring; because in chaos, the train could go anywhere, to Baker Street or to Baghdad. But man is a magician, and his whole magic lies in the fact that he says Victoria, and voilà! It is Victoria. No, take your books of mere poetry and prose; let me read a timetable, with tears of pride. Take your Byron, who mourns the defeats of man; give me Bradshaw, who celebrates his victories. Give me Bradshaw, I say!”
“Must you go?” inquired Gregory sarcastically.
"Do you really have to go?" Gregory asked sarcastically.
“I tell you,” went on Syme with passion, “that every time a train comes in I feel that it has broken past batteries of besiegers, and that man has won a battle against chaos. You say contemptuously that when one has left Sloane Square one must come to Victoria. I say that one might do a thousand things instead, and that whenever I really come there I have the sense of hairbreadth escape. And when I hear the guard shout out the word ‘Victoria,’ it is not an unmeaning word. It is to me the cry of a herald announcing conquest. It is to me indeed ‘Victoria’; it is the victory of Adam.”
“I tell you,” Syme continued passionately, “that every time a train arrives, I feel like it has broken through the defenses of attackers, and that humanity has triumphed over chaos. You dismissively say that once you leave Sloane Square, you have to go to Victoria. I argue that there are a thousand other possibilities, and every time I actually arrive there, I get this feeling of narrowly escaping something. And when I hear the guard shout ‘Victoria,’ it’s not just a random word to me. It’s the shout of a messenger declaring a victory. To me, it truly is ‘Victoria’; it’s the victory of Adam.”
Gregory wagged his heavy, red head with a slow and sad smile.
Gregory shook his big, red head with a slow and sad smile.
“And even then,” he said, “we poets always ask the question, ‘And what is Victoria now that you have got there?’ You think Victoria is like the New Jerusalem. We know that the New Jerusalem will only be like Victoria. Yes, the poet will be discontented even in the streets of heaven. The poet is always in revolt.”
“And even then,” he said, “we poets always ask, ‘What is Victoria now that you’ve arrived?’ You think Victoria is like the New Jerusalem. We know that the New Jerusalem will only be like Victoria. Yes, the poet will still feel discontent even in the streets of heaven. The poet is always in rebellion.”
“There again,” said Syme irritably, “what is there poetical about being in revolt? You might as well say that it is poetical to be sea-sick. Being sick is a revolt. Both being sick and being rebellious may be the wholesome thing on certain desperate occasions; but I’m hanged if I can see why they are poetical. Revolt in the abstract is—revolting. It’s mere vomiting.”
“There it is again,” Syme said irritably, “what's so poetic about being in revolt? You might as well say it's poetic to be seasick. Being sick is a form of rebellion. Sure, being sick and being rebellious might be what you need in certain desperate times, but I honestly can’t see why they’re considered poetic. Revolt in general is just—disgusting. It’s just a kind of vomiting.”
The girl winced for a flash at the unpleasant word, but Syme was too hot to heed her.
The girl flinched briefly at the unpleasant word, but Syme was too fired up to notice her.
“It is things going right,” he cried, “that is poetical! Our digestions, for instance, going sacredly and silently right, that is the foundation of all poetry. Yes, the most poetical thing, more poetical than the flowers, more poetical than the stars—the most poetical thing in the world is not being sick.”
“It’s when things go well,” he exclaimed, “that’s what’s poetic! Our digestions, for example, working properly and quietly—that’s the basis of all poetry. Yes, the most poetic thing, more poetic than flowers, more poetic than stars—the most poetic thing in the world is simply not being sick.”
“Really,” said Gregory superciliously, “the examples you choose—”
“Seriously,” Gregory said with an air of superiority, “the examples you pick—”
“I beg your pardon,” said Syme grimly, “I forgot we had abolished all conventions.”
“I’m sorry,” Syme said seriously, “I forgot we had gotten rid of all the rules.”
For the first time a red patch appeared on Gregory’s forehead.
For the first time, a red spot showed up on Gregory's forehead.
“You don’t expect me,” he said, “to revolutionise society on this lawn?”
“You don’t expect me,” he said, “to change society on this lawn?”
Syme looked straight into his eyes and smiled sweetly.
Syme looked directly into his eyes and smiled warmly.
“No, I don’t,” he said; “but I suppose that if you were serious about your anarchism, that is exactly what you would do.”
“No, I don’t,” he said; “but I guess if you were serious about your anarchism, that’s exactly what you’d do.”
Gregory’s big bull’s eyes blinked suddenly like those of an angry lion, and one could almost fancy that his red mane rose.
Gregory’s big bull-like eyes suddenly blinked, like those of an angry lion, and it seemed as if his red mane flared up.
“Don’t you think, then,” he said in a dangerous voice, “that I am serious about my anarchism?”
“Don’t you think, then,” he said in a threatening tone, “that I really mean what I say about my anarchism?”
“I beg your pardon?” said Syme.
“I beg your pardon?” Syme said.
“Am I not serious about my anarchism?” cried Gregory, with knotted fists.
“Am I not serious about my anarchism?” Gregory shouted, clenching his fists.
“My dear fellow!” said Syme, and strolled away.
“My dear friend!” said Syme, and walked away.
With surprise, but with a curious pleasure, he found Rosamond Gregory still in his company.
With surprise, but also with a curious sense of enjoyment, he discovered that Rosamond Gregory was still with him.
“Mr. Syme,” she said, “do the people who talk like you and my brother often mean what they say? Do you mean what you say now?”
“Mr. Syme,” she said, “do people like you and my brother actually mean what they say? Do you mean what you’re saying right now?”
Syme smiled.
Syme grinned.
“Do you?” he asked.
"Do you?" he asked.
“What do you mean?” asked the girl, with grave eyes.
“What do you mean?” the girl asked, looking serious.
“My dear Miss Gregory,” said Syme gently, “there are many kinds of sincerity and insincerity. When you say ‘thank you’ for the salt, do you mean what you say? No. When you say ‘the world is round,’ do you mean what you say? No. It is true, but you don’t mean it. Now, sometimes a man like your brother really finds a thing he does mean. It may be only a half-truth, quarter-truth, tenth-truth; but then he says more than he means—from sheer force of meaning it.”
“My dear Miss Gregory,” Syme said gently, “there are many forms of sincerity and insincerity. When you say ‘thank you’ for the salt, do you actually mean it? No. When you say ‘the world is round,’ do you really mean it? No. It’s true, but you don’t actually feel that way. Now, sometimes a person like your brother genuinely discovers something he does mean. It might only be a half-truth, a quarter-truth, or a tenth-truth; but in that case, he expresses more than he means—just because he feels it so strongly.”
She was looking at him from under level brows; her face was grave and open, and there had fallen upon it the shadow of that unreasoning responsibility which is at the bottom of the most frivolous woman, the maternal watch which is as old as the world.
She was looking at him with a serious expression, her brows level; her face was serious and sincere, and the weight of an instinctual responsibility had settled on her, something that lies at the heart of even the most carefree woman, the age-old maternal instinct.
“Is he really an anarchist, then?” she asked.
“Is he really an anarchist?” she asked.
“Only in that sense I speak of,” replied Syme; “or if you prefer it, in that nonsense.”
“Only in that sense I mean,” Syme replied, “or if you prefer, in that nonsense.”
She drew her broad brows together and said abruptly—
She furrowed her thick eyebrows and said suddenly—
“He wouldn’t really use—bombs or that sort of thing?”
"He wouldn’t actually use bombs or anything like that?"
Syme broke into a great laugh, that seemed too large for his slight and somewhat dandified figure.
Syme let out a loud laugh that seemed too big for his small, slightly stylish figure.
“Good Lord, no!” he said, “that has to be done anonymously.”
“Good Lord, no!” he said, “that needs to be done anonymously.”
And at that the corners of her own mouth broke into a smile, and she thought with a simultaneous pleasure of Gregory’s absurdity and of his safety.
And at that, the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile, and she felt a mixed pleasure at Gregory's ridiculousness and his safety.
Syme strolled with her to a seat in the corner of the garden, and continued to pour out his opinions. For he was a sincere man, and in spite of his superficial airs and graces, at root a humble one. And it is always the humble man who talks too much; the proud man watches himself too closely. He defended respectability with violence and exaggeration. He grew passionate in his praise of tidiness and propriety. All the time there was a smell of lilac all round him. Once he heard very faintly in some distant street a barrel-organ begin to play, and it seemed to him that his heroic words were moving to a tiny tune from under or beyond the world.
Syme walked with her to a seat in the corner of the garden and kept sharing his thoughts. He was a genuine guy, and despite his flashy demeanor, deep down he was quite humble. It’s always the humble person who tends to overtalk; the proud person is more self-aware. He defended respectability passionately, often going overboard. He spoke fervently about cleanliness and order. All the while, the scent of lilac surrounded him. At one point, he faintly heard a barrel organ playing in the distance, and it felt to him like his grand words were dancing to a little tune from somewhere beyond the world.
He stared and talked at the girl’s red hair and amused face for what seemed to be a few minutes; and then, feeling that the groups in such a place should mix, rose to his feet. To his astonishment, he discovered the whole garden empty. Everyone had gone long ago, and he went himself with a rather hurried apology. He left with a sense of champagne in his head, which he could not afterwards explain. In the wild events which were to follow this girl had no part at all; he never saw her again until all his tale was over. And yet, in some indescribable way, she kept recurring like a motive in music through all his mad adventures afterwards, and the glory of her strange hair ran like a red thread through those dark and ill-drawn tapestries of the night. For what followed was so improbable, that it might well have been a dream.
He stared and talked at the girl's red hair and playful face for what felt like a few minutes; then, realizing that people should mingle in such a place, he got to his feet. To his surprise, he found the entire garden empty. Everyone had left long ago, and he quickly made his exit with a somewhat rushed apology. He left with a feeling of lightheadedness that he couldn't quite explain. In the wild events that followed, this girl played no part at all; he never saw her again after his story ended. Yet, in some unexplainable way, she kept coming back like a recurring theme in music throughout all his crazy adventures, and the brilliance of her unusual hair ran like a red thread through those dark and poorly defined nights. What followed was so unlikely that it could easily have been a dream.
When Syme went out into the starlit street, he found it for the moment empty. Then he realised (in some odd way) that the silence was rather a living silence than a dead one. Directly outside the door stood a street lamp, whose gleam gilded the leaves of the tree that bent out over the fence behind him. About a foot from the lamp-post stood a figure almost as rigid and motionless as the lamp-post itself. The tall hat and long frock coat were black; the face, in an abrupt shadow, was almost as dark. Only a fringe of fiery hair against the light, and also something aggressive in the attitude, proclaimed that it was the poet Gregory. He had something of the look of a masked bravo waiting sword in hand for his foe.
When Syme stepped out onto the starry street, he found it momentarily empty. Then he sensed (in a strange way) that the silence was more of a living silence than a dead one. Right outside the door was a streetlamp, whose light highlighted the leaves of the tree that curved over the fence behind him. About a foot from the lamp post stood a figure nearly as stiff and still as the lamp post itself. The tall hat and long coat were black; the face, shrouded in sudden shadow, was nearly as dark. Only a fringe of fiery hair illuminated by the light, along with something defiant in the stance, revealed that it was the poet Gregory. He resembled a masked fighter ready with his sword for an enemy.
He made a sort of doubtful salute, which Syme somewhat more formally returned.
He gave a hesitant salute, which Syme returned in a somewhat more formal way.
“I was waiting for you,” said Gregory. “Might I have a moment’s conversation?”
“I was waiting for you,” Gregory said. “Could we have a moment to talk?”
“Certainly. About what?” asked Syme in a sort of weak wonder.
“Sure. About what?” asked Syme in a somewhat feeble surprise.
Gregory struck out with his stick at the lamp-post, and then at the tree.
Gregory swung his stick at the lamp post, and then at the tree.
“About this and this,” he cried; “about order and anarchy. There is your precious order, that lean, iron lamp, ugly and barren; and there is anarchy, rich, living, reproducing itself—there is anarchy, splendid in green and gold.”
“About this and this,” he shouted; “about order and chaos. There’s your precious order, that thin, iron lamp, ugly and lifeless; and there’s chaos, vibrant, alive, constantly renewing itself—there’s chaos, magnificent in green and gold.”
“All the same,” replied Syme patiently, “just at present you only see the tree by the light of the lamp. I wonder when you would ever see the lamp by the light of the tree.” Then after a pause he said, “But may I ask if you have been standing out here in the dark only to resume our little argument?”
“All the same,” replied Syme patiently, “right now you can only see the tree by the lamp's light. I wonder when you'll ever see the lamp by the tree's light.” After a pause, he continued, “But can I ask if you’ve been standing out here in the dark just to continue our little argument?”
“No,” cried out Gregory, in a voice that rang down the street, “I did not stand here to resume our argument, but to end it for ever.”
“No,” Gregory shouted, his voice echoing down the street, “I didn’t come here to continue our argument, but to end it for good.”
The silence fell again, and Syme, though he understood nothing, listened instinctively for something serious. Gregory began in a smooth voice and with a rather bewildering smile.
The silence returned, and Syme, even though he didn’t understand anything, instinctively listened for something important. Gregory started speaking in a calm voice with a somewhat confusing smile.
“Mr. Syme,” he said, “this evening you succeeded in doing something rather remarkable. You did something to me that no man born of woman has ever succeeded in doing before.”
“Mr. Syme,” he said, “tonight you managed to do something pretty remarkable. You did something to me that no man born of woman has ever managed to do before.”
“Indeed!”
"Absolutely!"
“Now I remember,” resumed Gregory reflectively, “one other person succeeded in doing it. The captain of a penny steamer (if I remember correctly) at Southend. You have irritated me.”
“Now I remember,” Gregory said thoughtfully, “one other person managed to do it. The captain of a small ferry (if I recall correctly) at Southend. You've annoyed me.”
“I am very sorry,” replied Syme with gravity.
“I’m really sorry,” Syme replied seriously.
“I am afraid my fury and your insult are too shocking to be wiped out even with an apology,” said Gregory very calmly. “No duel could wipe it out. If I struck you dead I could not wipe it out. There is only one way by which that insult can be erased, and that way I choose. I am going, at the possible sacrifice of my life and honour, to prove to you that you were wrong in what you said.”
“I’m afraid my anger and your insult are too intense to be erased just with an apology,” Gregory said very calmly. “No duel could erase it. Even if I killed you, it wouldn’t change anything. There’s only one way to wipe away that insult, and it’s the way I’ve chosen. I'm going to, at the potential cost of my life and honor, show you that you were wrong in what you said.”
“In what I said?”
“What did I say?”
“You said I was not serious about being an anarchist.”
"You said I wasn't serious about being an anarchist."
“There are degrees of seriousness,” replied Syme. “I have never doubted that you were perfectly sincere in this sense, that you thought what you said well worth saying, that you thought a paradox might wake men up to a neglected truth.”
“There are different levels of seriousness,” Syme replied. “I’ve never doubted that you were completely sincere in the sense that you believed what you said was worth saying, that you thought a paradox might jolt people into realizing a neglected truth.”
Gregory stared at him steadily and painfully.
Gregory looked at him intently, feeling the weight of the moment.
“And in no other sense,” he asked, “you think me serious? You think me a flâneur who lets fall occasional truths. You do not think that in a deeper, a more deadly sense, I am serious.”
“And in no other sense,” he asked, “you think I’m serious? You think I’m a flâneur who casually shares some truths. You don’t believe that in a deeper, more serious way, I am serious.”
Syme struck his stick violently on the stones of the road.
Syme hit the ground with his stick hard against the road's stones.
“Serious!” he cried. “Good Lord! is this street serious? Are these damned Chinese lanterns serious? Is the whole caboodle serious? One comes here and talks a pack of bosh, and perhaps some sense as well, but I should think very little of a man who didn’t keep something in the background of his life that was more serious than all this talking—something more serious, whether it was religion or only drink.”
“Seriously!” he shouted. “Good Lord! Is this street for real? Are these damn Chinese lanterns for real? Is the whole situation for real? You come here and chat about nonsense, and maybe some sensible things too, but I’d think very little of someone who didn’t have something deeper in their life that was more serious than all this talking—something more serious, whether it's religion or just drinking.”
“Very well,” said Gregory, his face darkening, “you shall see something more serious than either drink or religion.”
“Alright,” said Gregory, his expression turning serious, “you’re about to witness something more intense than just alcohol or faith.”
Syme stood waiting with his usual air of mildness until Gregory again opened his lips.
Syme stood there with his usual calm demeanor, waiting for Gregory to speak again.
“You spoke just now of having a religion. Is it really true that you have one?”
"You just mentioned having a religion. Is it really true that you do?"
“Oh,” said Syme with a beaming smile, “we are all Catholics now.”
“Oh,” said Syme with a big smile, “we’re all Catholics now.”
“Then may I ask you to swear by whatever gods or saints your religion involves that you will not reveal what I am now going to tell you to any son of Adam, and especially not to the police? Will you swear that! If you will take upon yourself this awful abnegation if you will consent to burden your soul with a vow that you should never make and a knowledge you should never dream about, I will promise you in return—”
“Then can I ask you to swear by whatever gods or saints your faith includes that you won’t tell anyone what I’m about to share with you, especially not the police? Will you swear to that? If you agree to this heavy sacrifice, if you’re willing to take on the weight of a promise you shouldn’t make and knowledge you shouldn’t even think about, I’ll promise you in return—”
“You will promise me in return?” inquired Syme, as the other paused.
“You promise to do the same for me?” Syme asked, as the other person hesitated.
“I will promise you a very entertaining evening.” Syme suddenly took off his hat.
"I promise you a very entertaining evening." Syme suddenly took off his hat.
“Your offer,” he said, “is far too idiotic to be declined. You say that a poet is always an anarchist. I disagree; but I hope at least that he is always a sportsman. Permit me, here and now, to swear as a Christian, and promise as a good comrade and a fellow-artist, that I will not report anything of this, whatever it is, to the police. And now, in the name of Colney Hatch, what is it?”
“Your offer,” he said, “is way too ridiculous to turn down. You claim that a poet is always an anarchist. I don’t agree, but I at least hope that he’s always a sportsman. Allow me, right here and now, to swear as a Christian, and promise as a good friend and fellow artist, that I won’t report anything about this, whatever it is, to the police. And now, in the name of Colney Hatch, what is it?”
“I think,” said Gregory, with placid irrelevancy, “that we will call a cab.”
“I think,” said Gregory, calmly off-topic, “that we should call a cab.”
He gave two long whistles, and a hansom came rattling down the road. The two got into it in silence. Gregory gave through the trap the address of an obscure public-house on the Chiswick bank of the river. The cab whisked itself away again, and in it these two fantastics quitted their fantastic town.
He gave two long whistles, and a cab came clattering down the road. The two of them got in without saying a word. Gregory told the driver through the window the address of a little-known pub on the Chiswick side of the river. The cab sped off again, and with it, these two oddballs left their quirky town behind.
CHAPTER II.
THE SECRET OF GABRIEL SYME
The cab pulled up before a particularly dreary and greasy beershop, into which Gregory rapidly conducted his companion. They seated themselves in a close and dim sort of bar-parlour, at a stained wooden table with one wooden leg. The room was so small and dark, that very little could be seen of the attendant who was summoned, beyond a vague and dark impression of something bulky and bearded.
The cab pulled up in front of a really grimy and unappealing pub, where Gregory quickly led his friend inside. They sat down in a cramped, dimly lit bar room at a stained wooden table with one wobbly leg. The room was so small and dark that not much could be seen of the server who came over, just a vague, shadowy figure that looked bulky and had a beard.
“Will you take a little supper?” asked Gregory politely. “The pâté de foie gras is not good here, but I can recommend the game.”
“Will you have a little dinner?” asked Gregory politely. “The pâté de foie gras isn't good here, but I can recommend the game.”
Syme received the remark with stolidity, imagining it to be a joke. Accepting the vein of humour, he said, with a well-bred indifference—
Syme took the comment with a blank expression, thinking it was a joke. Going along with the humor, he replied with a casual indifference—
“Oh, bring me some lobster mayonnaise.”
“Oh, bring me some lobster mayo.”
To his indescribable astonishment, the man only said “Certainly, sir!” and went away apparently to get it.
To his unbelievable surprise, the man only said, “Sure thing, sir!” and walked away, seemingly to fetch it.
“What will you drink?” resumed Gregory, with the same careless yet apologetic air. “I shall only have a crême de menthe myself; I have dined. But the champagne can really be trusted. Do let me start you with a half-bottle of Pommery at least?”
“What will you drink?” Gregory asked again, with the same casual yet apologetic vibe. “I’ll just have a crême de menthe; I’ve already had dinner. But I can assure you, the champagne is definitely good. Can I at least get you a half-bottle of Pommery?”
“Thank you!” said the motionless Syme. “You are very good.”
“Thank you!” said the still Syme. “That’s really kind of you.”
His further attempts at conversation, somewhat disorganised in themselves, were cut short finally as by a thunderbolt by the actual appearance of the lobster. Syme tasted it, and found it particularly good. Then he suddenly began to eat with great rapidity and appetite.
His further attempts at conversation, a bit scattered in themselves, were abruptly interrupted by the unexpected arrival of the lobster. Syme tasted it and found it really good. Then he suddenly started eating with great speed and enthusiasm.
“Excuse me if I enjoy myself rather obviously!” he said to Gregory, smiling. “I don’t often have the luck to have a dream like this. It is new to me for a nightmare to lead to a lobster. It is commonly the other way.”
“Sorry if I’m having too much fun!” he said to Gregory, smiling. “I don’t usually have the luck to experience a dream like this. It’s rare for a nightmare to turn into a lobster. Usually, it’s the other way around.”
“You are not asleep, I assure you,” said Gregory. “You are, on the contrary, close to the most actual and rousing moment of your existence. Ah, here comes your champagne! I admit that there may be a slight disproportion, let us say, between the inner arrangements of this excellent hotel and its simple and unpretentious exterior. But that is all our modesty. We are the most modest men that ever lived on earth.”
“You're not asleep, I promise you,” Gregory said. “In fact, you’re about to experience the most exciting moment of your life. Ah, here comes your champagne! I’ll acknowledge there might be a bit of a contrast between the inner workings of this fantastic hotel and its plain and unassuming exterior. But that just shows our modesty. We are the most humble guys who ever lived.”
“And who are we?” asked Syme, emptying his champagne glass.
“And who are we?” Syme asked, finishing his champagne glass.
“It is quite simple,” replied Gregory. “We are the serious anarchists, in whom you do not believe.”
“It’s really simple,” replied Gregory. “We are the serious anarchists that you don’t believe in.”
“Oh!” said Syme shortly. “You do yourselves well in drinks.”
“Oh!” Syme said quickly. “You really know how to treat yourselves to drinks.”
“Yes, we are serious about everything,” answered Gregory.
“Yes, we take everything seriously,” Gregory replied.
Then after a pause he added—
Then, after a moment, he continued—
“If in a few moments this table begins to turn round a little, don’t put it down to your inroads into the champagne. I don’t wish you to do yourself an injustice.”
“If in a few moments this table starts to spin a bit, don’t blame it on your drinking of champagne. I don’t want you to unfairly judge yourself.”
“Well, if I am not drunk, I am mad,” replied Syme with perfect calm; “but I trust I can behave like a gentleman in either condition. May I smoke?”
“Well, if I’m not drunk, I’m crazy,” replied Syme with complete calm; “but I hope I can act like a gentleman in either state. May I smoke?”
“Certainly!” said Gregory, producing a cigar-case. “Try one of mine.”
“Sure!” said Gregory, pulling out a cigar case. “Have one of mine.”
Syme took the cigar, clipped the end off with a cigar-cutter out of his waistcoat pocket, put it in his mouth, lit it slowly, and let out a long cloud of smoke. It is not a little to his credit that he performed these rites with so much composure, for almost before he had begun them the table at which he sat had begun to revolve, first slowly, and then rapidly, as if at an insane seance.
Syme took the cigar, trimmed the end with a cutter from his pocket, put it in his mouth, lit it slowly, and released a thick cloud of smoke. It's quite impressive that he managed to carry out these actions with such calm, because just as he started, the table he was sitting at began to spin, first slowly and then quickly, like something out of a crazy séance.
“You must not mind it,” said Gregory; “it’s a kind of screw.”
“You shouldn’t worry about it,” said Gregory; “it’s like a kind of screw.”
“Quite so,” said Syme placidly, “a kind of screw. How simple that is!”
“Exactly,” said Syme calmly, “a sort of screw. How simple that is!”
The next moment the smoke of his cigar, which had been wavering across the room in snaky twists, went straight up as if from a factory chimney, and the two, with their chairs and table, shot down through the floor as if the earth had swallowed them. They went rattling down a kind of roaring chimney as rapidly as a lift cut loose, and they came with an abrupt bump to the bottom. But when Gregory threw open a pair of doors and let in a red subterranean light, Syme was still smoking with one leg thrown over the other, and had not turned a yellow hair.
The next moment, the smoke from his cigar, which had been curling around the room in snaky twists, shot straight up like it was coming from a factory chimney, and the two, along with their chairs and table, dropped through the floor as if the earth had swallowed them whole. They tumbled down a kind of roaring chimney as quickly as an elevator that had lost its grip, and they landed with a sudden thud at the bottom. But when Gregory threw open a pair of doors and let in a red subterranean light, Syme was still smoking with one leg crossed over the other, and had not moved a single hair.
Gregory led him down a low, vaulted passage, at the end of which was the red light. It was an enormous crimson lantern, nearly as big as a fireplace, fixed over a small but heavy iron door. In the door there was a sort of hatchway or grating, and on this Gregory struck five times. A heavy voice with a foreign accent asked him who he was. To this he gave the more or less unexpected reply, “Mr. Joseph Chamberlain.” The heavy hinges began to move; it was obviously some kind of password.
Gregory guided him down a low, arched hallway, where they reached a red light at the end. It was a massive crimson lantern, almost the size of a fireplace, mounted above a small yet sturdy iron door. The door had a sort of hatch or grate, and Gregory knocked on it five times. A deep voice with a foreign accent inquired who he was. In response, he gave the somewhat surprising reply, “Mr. Joseph Chamberlain.” The heavy hinges started to creak; clearly, it was some kind of password.
Inside the doorway the passage gleamed as if it were lined with a network of steel. On a second glance, Syme saw that the glittering pattern was really made up of ranks and ranks of rifles and revolvers, closely packed or interlocked.
Inside the doorway, the passage sparkled as if it were lined with a network of steel. On a second look, Syme noticed that the shiny pattern was actually made up of rows and rows of rifles and revolvers, tightly packed or interlocked.
“I must ask you to forgive me all these formalities,” said Gregory; “we have to be very strict here.”
“I need to ask you to forgive me for all these formalities,” said Gregory; “we have to be very strict here.”
“Oh, don’t apologise,” said Syme. “I know your passion for law and order,” and he stepped into the passage lined with the steel weapons. With his long, fair hair and rather foppish frock-coat, he looked a singularly frail and fanciful figure as he walked down that shining avenue of death.
“Oh, don’t apologize,” said Syme. “I understand your passion for law and order,” and he stepped into the hallway lined with steel weapons. With his long, light-colored hair and somewhat flashy frock coat, he looked like a remarkably delicate and whimsical figure as he walked down that shining path of death.
They passed through several such passages, and came out at last into a queer steel chamber with curved walls, almost spherical in shape, but presenting, with its tiers of benches, something of the appearance of a scientific lecture-theatre. There were no rifles or pistols in this apartment, but round the walls of it were hung more dubious and dreadful shapes, things that looked like the bulbs of iron plants, or the eggs of iron birds. They were bombs, and the very room itself seemed like the inside of a bomb. Syme knocked his cigar ash off against the wall, and went in.
They went through several of these passages and finally stepped into a strange steel chamber with curved walls, almost spherical in shape, but with its rows of benches, it resembled a scientific lecture hall. There weren’t any rifles or pistols in this room, but around the walls hung more suspicious and terrifying shapes, things that looked like the bulbs of iron plants or the eggs of iron birds. They were bombs, and the entire room felt like the inside of a bomb. Syme knocked the ash from his cigar against the wall and entered.
“And now, my dear Mr. Syme,” said Gregory, throwing himself in an expansive manner on the bench under the largest bomb, “now we are quite cosy, so let us talk properly. Now no human words can give you any notion of why I brought you here. It was one of those quite arbitrary emotions, like jumping off a cliff or falling in love. Suffice it to say that you were an inexpressibly irritating fellow, and, to do you justice, you are still. I would break twenty oaths of secrecy for the pleasure of taking you down a peg. That way you have of lighting a cigar would make a priest break the seal of confession. Well, you said that you were quite certain I was not a serious anarchist. Does this place strike you as being serious?”
“And now, my dear Mr. Syme,” said Gregory, casually lounging on the bench under the biggest bomb, “now that we’re comfortable, let’s have a real conversation. No words can truly explain why I brought you here. It was one of those random feelings, like jumping off a cliff or falling in love. Let’s just say you’ve always been incredibly annoying, and to be fair, you still are. I would break a hundred promises just for the fun of putting you in your place. The way you light a cigar could make even a priest break the seal of confession. Well, you mentioned that you’re pretty sure I’m not a serious anarchist. Do you think this place feels serious?”
“It does seem to have a moral under all its gaiety,” assented Syme; “but may I ask you two questions? You need not fear to give me information, because, as you remember, you very wisely extorted from me a promise not to tell the police, a promise I shall certainly keep. So it is in mere curiosity that I make my queries. First of all, what is it really all about? What is it you object to? You want to abolish Government?”
“It does seem to have a moral beneath all its joy,” agreed Syme; “but can I ask you two questions? You don’t have to worry about telling me anything, because, as you know, you wisely got me to promise not to tell the police, a promise I definitely intend to keep. So I’m just curious when I ask my questions. First, what’s it really about? What do you disagree with? Do you want to get rid of the Government?”
“To abolish God!” said Gregory, opening the eyes of a fanatic. “We do not only want to upset a few despotisms and police regulations; that sort of anarchism does exist, but it is a mere branch of the Nonconformists. We dig deeper and we blow you higher. We wish to deny all those arbitrary distinctions of vice and virtue, honour and treachery, upon which mere rebels base themselves. The silly sentimentalists of the French Revolution talked of the Rights of Man! We hate Rights as we hate Wrongs. We have abolished Right and Wrong.”
“To get rid of God!” said Gregory, waking up a fanatic. “We don’t just want to shake up a few oppressive regimes and police rules; that kind of anarchism exists, but it’s just a small part of the Nonconformists. We dig deeper and blow things up more. We want to reject all those arbitrary labels of good and bad, honor and betrayal, that mere rebels rely on. The foolish sentimentalists of the French Revolution talked about the Rights of Man! We despise Rights as much as we despise Wrongs. We have eliminated Right and Wrong.”
“And Right and Left,” said Syme with a simple eagerness, “I hope you will abolish them too. They are much more troublesome to me.”
“And Right and Left,” Syme said eagerly, “I hope you’ll get rid of those too. They’re way more annoying to me.”
“You spoke of a second question,” snapped Gregory.
“You mentioned a second question,” Gregory said sharply.
“With pleasure,” resumed Syme. “In all your present acts and surroundings there is a scientific attempt at secrecy. I have an aunt who lived over a shop, but this is the first time I have found people living from preference under a public-house. You have a heavy iron door. You cannot pass it without submitting to the humiliation of calling yourself Mr. Chamberlain. You surround yourself with steel instruments which make the place, if I may say so, more impressive than homelike. May I ask why, after taking all this trouble to barricade yourselves in the bowels of the earth, you then parade your whole secret by talking about anarchism to every silly woman in Saffron Park?”
“With pleasure,” Syme continued. “In everything you're doing and in your surroundings, there's a scientific effort to stay hidden. I have an aunt who lived above a shop, but this is the first time I've seen people choosing to live under a pub. You have this heavy iron door. You can't go through it without the embarrassment of calling yourself Mr. Chamberlain. You surround yourself with steel tools that make the place, if I may say, more impressive than cozy. Can I ask why, after going through all this trouble to lock yourselves away underground, you then flaunt your whole secret by discussing anarchism with every clueless woman in Saffron Park?”
Gregory smiled.
Gregory grinned.
“The answer is simple,” he said. “I told you I was a serious anarchist, and you did not believe me. Nor do they believe me. Unless I took them into this infernal room they would not believe me.”
“The answer is simple,” he said. “I told you I was a serious anarchist, and you didn’t believe me. Neither do they believe me. Unless I take them into this hellish room, they wouldn’t believe me.”
Syme smoked thoughtfully, and looked at him with interest. Gregory went on.
Syme smoked thoughtfully and watched him with interest. Gregory continued.
“The history of the thing might amuse you,” he said. “When first I became one of the New Anarchists I tried all kinds of respectable disguises. I dressed up as a bishop. I read up all about bishops in our anarchist pamphlets, in Superstition the Vampire and Priests of Prey. I certainly understood from them that bishops are strange and terrible old men keeping a cruel secret from mankind. I was misinformed. When on my first appearing in episcopal gaiters in a drawing-room I cried out in a voice of thunder, ‘Down! down! presumptuous human reason!’ they found out in some way that I was not a bishop at all. I was nabbed at once. Then I made up as a millionaire; but I defended Capital with so much intelligence that a fool could see that I was quite poor. Then I tried being a major. Now I am a humanitarian myself, but I have, I hope, enough intellectual breadth to understand the position of those who, like Nietzsche, admire violence—the proud, mad war of Nature and all that, you know. I threw myself into the major. I drew my sword and waved it constantly. I called out ‘Blood!’ abstractedly, like a man calling for wine. I often said, ‘Let the weak perish; it is the Law.’ Well, well, it seems majors don’t do this. I was nabbed again. At last I went in despair to the President of the Central Anarchist Council, who is the greatest man in Europe.”
“The history of the thing might amuse you,” he said. “When I first became one of the New Anarchists, I tried all sorts of respectable disguises. I dressed up as a bishop. I read all about bishops in our anarchist pamphlets, like *Superstition the Vampire* and *Priests of Prey*. From them, I certainly got the impression that bishops are strange and terrible old men hiding a cruel secret from humanity. I was wrong. The first time I walked into a drawing-room in bishop's attire and shouted in a booming voice, ‘Down! Down! Presumptuous human reason!’ they somehow figured out that I wasn’t a bishop at all. I was caught right away. Then I pretended to be a millionaire, but I defended capitalism with so much intelligence that even a fool could see I was really quite poor. Then I tried being a major. Now I’m a humanitarian myself, but I hope I have enough intellectual depth to understand the perspective of those who, like Nietzsche, admire violence—the proud, wild war of Nature and all that, you know. I really threw myself into being a major. I drew my sword and waved it around constantly. I called out ‘Blood!’ absentmindedly, like someone asking for wine. I often said, ‘Let the weak perish; it’s the Law.’ Well, well, it turns out majors don’t act like that. I got caught again. Eventually, I went in despair to the President of the Central Anarchist Council, who is the greatest man in Europe.”
“What is his name?” asked Syme.
“What's his name?” asked Syme.
“You would not know it,” answered Gregory. “That is his greatness. Caesar and Napoleon put all their genius into being heard of, and they were heard of. He puts all his genius into not being heard of, and he is not heard of. But you cannot be for five minutes in the room with him without feeling that Caesar and Napoleon would have been children in his hands.”
“You wouldn’t know it,” Gregory replied. “That’s his greatness. Caesar and Napoleon poured all their genius into getting noticed, and they definitely were. He channels all his genius into not being noticed, and he isn’t. But you can’t be in the room with him for five minutes without realizing that Caesar and Napoleon would have been like children in his presence.”
He was silent and even pale for a moment, and then resumed—
He was quiet and even a bit pale for a moment, and then continued—
“But whenever he gives advice it is always something as startling as an epigram, and yet as practical as the Bank of England. I said to him, ‘What disguise will hide me from the world? What can I find more respectable than bishops and majors?’ He looked at me with his large but indecipherable face. ‘You want a safe disguise, do you? You want a dress which will guarantee you harmless; a dress in which no one would ever look for a bomb?’ I nodded. He suddenly lifted his lion’s voice. ‘Why, then, dress up as an anarchist, you fool!’ he roared so that the room shook. ‘Nobody will ever expect you to do anything dangerous then.’ And he turned his broad back on me without another word. I took his advice, and have never regretted it. I preached blood and murder to those women day and night, and—by God!—they would let me wheel their perambulators.”
“But whenever he gives advice, it’s always something as shocking as a witty remark, yet as practical as the Bank of England. I said to him, ‘What disguise will keep me hidden from the world? What could be more respectable than bishops and majors?’ He looked at me with his large but unreadable face. ‘You want a safe disguise, right? You want an outfit that will make you seem harmless; an outfit where no one would ever suspect you of carrying a bomb?’ I nodded. He suddenly raised his powerful voice. ‘Well then, dress up as an anarchist, you fool!’ he bellowed so that the room shook. ‘Nobody will ever expect you to do anything dangerous then.’ And he turned his broad back on me without saying another word. I took his advice and have never regretted it. I preached blood and murder to those women day and night, and—by God!—they let me push their baby strollers.”
Syme sat watching him with some respect in his large, blue eyes.
Syme sat watching him with a bit of respect in his big, blue eyes.
“You took me in,” he said. “It is really a smart dodge.”
“You took me in,” he said. “That’s a really clever move.”
Then after a pause he added—
Then after a pause, he added—
“What do you call this tremendous President of yours?”
“What do you call this amazing President of yours?”
“We generally call him Sunday,” replied Gregory with simplicity. “You see, there are seven members of the Central Anarchist Council, and they are named after days of the week. He is called Sunday, by some of his admirers Bloody Sunday. It is curious you should mention the matter, because the very night you have dropped in (if I may so express it) is the night on which our London branch, which assembles in this room, has to elect its own deputy to fill a vacancy in the Council. The gentleman who has for some time past played, with propriety and general applause, the difficult part of Thursday, has died quite suddenly. Consequently, we have called a meeting this very evening to elect a successor.”
“We usually call him Sunday,” Gregory replied simply. “You see, there are seven members of the Central Anarchist Council, and they're named after the days of the week. He’s called Sunday, and some of his fans refer to him as Bloody Sunday. It’s interesting you bring this up, because tonight you’ve arrived (if I may say so) is when our London branch, which meets in this room, has to elect a new deputy to fill a vacancy on the Council. The gentleman who has been effectively and widely celebrated for some time in the challenging role of Thursday has passed away quite suddenly. So, we’ve called a meeting this very evening to elect a successor.”
He got to his feet and strolled across the room with a sort of smiling embarrassment.
He stood up and walked across the room with a slightly awkward smile.
“I feel somehow as if you were my mother, Syme,” he continued casually. “I feel that I can confide anything to you, as you have promised to tell nobody. In fact, I will confide to you something that I would not say in so many words to the anarchists who will be coming to the room in about ten minutes. We shall, of course, go through a form of election; but I don’t mind telling you that it is practically certain what the result will be.” He looked down for a moment modestly. “It is almost a settled thing that I am to be Thursday.”
“I kind of feel like you’re my mother, Syme,” he said casually. “I feel like I can share anything with you since you’ve promised not to tell anyone. Actually, I’m going to share something with you that I wouldn’t say out loud to the anarchists coming to the room in about ten minutes. We’ll, of course, go through a formal election, but I don’t mind telling you that the result is practically a given.” He glanced down for a moment modestly. “It’s almost a done deal that I’m going to be Thursday.”
“My dear fellow.” said Syme heartily, “I congratulate you. A great career!”
“My dear friend,” Syme said warmly, “I congratulate you. What a great career!”
Gregory smiled in deprecation, and walked across the room, talking rapidly.
Gregory smiled sheepishly and walked across the room, talking quickly.
“As a matter of fact, everything is ready for me on this table,” he said, “and the ceremony will probably be the shortest possible.”
“As a matter of fact, everything is set for me on this table,” he said, “and the ceremony will likely be the shortest it can be.”
Syme also strolled across to the table, and found lying across it a walking-stick, which turned out on examination to be a sword-stick, a large Colt’s revolver, a sandwich case, and a formidable flask of brandy. Over the chair, beside the table, was thrown a heavy-looking cape or cloak.
Syme also walked over to the table and found a walking stick lying across it, which turned out to be a sword stick. There was a large Colt revolver, a sandwich case, and a hefty flask of brandy. On the chair next to the table, there was a heavy-looking cape or cloak.
“I have only to get the form of election finished,” continued Gregory with animation, “then I snatch up this cloak and stick, stuff these other things into my pocket, step out of a door in this cavern, which opens on the river, where there is a steam-tug already waiting for me, and then—then—oh, the wild joy of being Thursday!” And he clasped his hands.
“I just need to finish the election form,” Gregory said excitedly. “Then I'll grab this cloak and stick, shove these other things into my pocket, step out of a door in this cave that leads to the river, where a tugboat is already waiting for me, and then—then—oh, the thrill of being Thursday!” He clasped his hands.
Syme, who had sat down once more with his usual insolent languor, got to his feet with an unusual air of hesitation.
Syme, who had sunk back into his typical nonchalant attitude, stood up with an unusual sense of uncertainty.
“Why is it,” he asked vaguely, “that I think you are quite a decent fellow? Why do I positively like you, Gregory?” He paused a moment, and then added with a sort of fresh curiosity, “Is it because you are such an ass?”
"Why is it," he asked vaguely, "that I think you’re a really decent guy? Why do I actually like you, Gregory?" He paused for a moment, then added with a sort of newfound curiosity, "Is it because you're such an idiot?"
There was a thoughtful silence again, and then he cried out—
There was a thoughtful silence once more, and then he shouted—
“Well, damn it all! this is the funniest situation I have ever been in in my life, and I am going to act accordingly. Gregory, I gave you a promise before I came into this place. That promise I would keep under red-hot pincers. Would you give me, for my own safety, a little promise of the same kind?”
“Well, damn it all! This is the funniest situation I’ve ever been in, and I’m going to act accordingly. Gregory, I made a promise to you before I came into this place. I would keep that promise even under extreme pressure. Would you do me the same favor for my own safety?”
“A promise?” asked Gregory, wondering.
“A promise?” Gregory asked, curious.
“Yes,” said Syme very seriously, “a promise. I swore before God that I would not tell your secret to the police. Will you swear by Humanity, or whatever beastly thing you believe in, that you will not tell my secret to the anarchists?”
“Yes,” said Syme very seriously, “a promise. I swore before God that I wouldn’t tell your secret to the police. Will you swear by Humanity, or whatever horrible thing you believe in, that you won’t share my secret with the anarchists?”
“Your secret?” asked the staring Gregory. “Have you got a secret?”
“Your secret?” asked Gregory, who was staring. “Do you have a secret?”
“Yes,” said Syme, “I have a secret.” Then after a pause, “Will you swear?”
“Yes,” Syme said, “I have a secret.” Then after a pause, “Will you swear?”
Gregory glared at him gravely for a few moments, and then said abruptly—
Gregory stared at him seriously for a moment, and then said abruptly—
“You must have bewitched me, but I feel a furious curiosity about you. Yes, I will swear not to tell the anarchists anything you tell me. But look sharp, for they will be here in a couple of minutes.”
“You must have enchanted me, but I can’t help feeling a strong curiosity about you. Yes, I promise not to share anything you tell me with the anarchists. But be quick, because they’ll be here in a couple of minutes.”
Syme rose slowly to his feet and thrust his long, white hands into his long, grey trousers’ pockets. Almost as he did so there came five knocks on the outer grating, proclaiming the arrival of the first of the conspirators.
Syme slowly stood up and shoved his long, white hands into the pockets of his grey trousers. Just as he did this, there were five knocks on the outer grating, signaling the arrival of the first conspirator.
“Well,” said Syme slowly, “I don’t know how to tell you the truth more shortly than by saying that your expedient of dressing up as an aimless poet is not confined to you or your President. We have known the dodge for some time at Scotland Yard.”
“Well,” Syme said slowly, “I don’t know how to put it more simply than to say that your idea of pretending to be a wandering poet isn’t just yours or your President’s. We’ve been aware of that trick at Scotland Yard for a while.”
Gregory tried to spring up straight, but he swayed thrice.
Gregory tried to stand up straight, but he wobbled three times.
“What do you say?” he asked in an inhuman voice.
“What do you say?” he asked in an unnatural voice.
“Yes,” said Syme simply, “I am a police detective. But I think I hear your friends coming.”
“Yes,” said Syme simply, “I’m a police detective. But I think I hear your friends arriving.”
From the doorway there came a murmur of “Mr. Joseph Chamberlain.” It was repeated twice and thrice, and then thirty times, and the crowd of Joseph Chamberlains (a solemn thought) could be heard trampling down the corridor.
From the doorway, there was a murmur of “Mr. Joseph Chamberlain.” It was repeated twice, then three times, and soon thirty times, and the crowd of Joseph Chamberlains (a sobering thought) could be heard marching down the corridor.
CHAPTER III.
THE MAN WHO WAS THURSDAY
Before one of the fresh faces could appear at the doorway, Gregory’s stunned surprise had fallen from him. He was beside the table with a bound, and a noise in his throat like a wild beast. He caught up the Colt’s revolver and took aim at Syme. Syme did not flinch, but he put up a pale and polite hand.
Before one of the newcomers could show up at the doorway, Gregory's stunned expression faded away. He was next to the table in a flash, making a noise in his throat like a wild animal. He grabbed the Colt revolver and aimed it at Syme. Syme didn't flinch, but he raised a pale and polite hand.
“Don’t be such a silly man,” he said, with the effeminate dignity of a curate. “Don’t you see it’s not necessary? Don’t you see that we’re both in the same boat? Yes, and jolly sea-sick.”
“Don’t be such a silly man,” he said, with the delicate dignity of a pastor. “Can’t you see it’s not necessary? Can’t you see that we’re both in the same situation? Yes, and feeling quite seasick.”
Gregory could not speak, but he could not fire either, and he looked his question.
Gregory couldn't talk, but he couldn't shoot either, and he conveyed his question with a look.
“Don’t you see we’ve checkmated each other?” cried Syme. “I can’t tell the police you are an anarchist. You can’t tell the anarchists I’m a policeman. I can only watch you, knowing what you are; you can only watch me, knowing what I am. In short, it’s a lonely, intellectual duel, my head against yours. I’m a policeman deprived of the help of the police. You, my poor fellow, are an anarchist deprived of the help of that law and organisation which is so essential to anarchy. The one solitary difference is in your favour. You are not surrounded by inquisitive policemen; I am surrounded by inquisitive anarchists. I cannot betray you, but I might betray myself. Come, come! wait and see me betray myself. I shall do it so nicely.”
“Don’t you see we’ve checked each other?” Syme exclaimed. “I can’t tell the police that you’re an anarchist. You can’t tell the anarchists that I’m a policeman. I can only watch you, knowing who you are; you can only watch me, knowing who I am. In short, it’s a lonely intellectual battle, my mind against yours. I’m a policeman without any backup from the police. You, my poor friend, are an anarchist without the support of the laws and structure that are crucial for anarchy. The only real difference is that you’re not surrounded by nosy policemen; I am surrounded by curious anarchists. I can’t betray you, but I might end up betraying myself. Come on! Just wait and watch me betray myself. I’ll do it so elegantly.”
Gregory put the pistol slowly down, still staring at Syme as if he were a sea-monster.
Gregory slowly set the pistol down, continuing to gaze at Syme as if he were a sea monster.
“I don’t believe in immortality,” he said at last, “but if, after all this, you were to break your word, God would make a hell only for you, to howl in for ever.”
"I don’t believe in immortality," he finally said, "but if, after all this, you were to go back on your word, God would create a hell just for you, where you would cry out forever."
“I shall not break my word,” said Syme sternly, “nor will you break yours. Here are your friends.”
“I won’t go back on my word,” Syme said firmly, “and neither will you. Here are your friends.”
The mass of the anarchists entered the room heavily, with a slouching and somewhat weary gait; but one little man, with a black beard and glasses—a man somewhat of the type of Mr. Tim Healy—detached himself, and bustled forward with some papers in his hand.
The group of anarchists came into the room in a heavy, slouching way, looking a bit worn out; however, one small man with a black beard and glasses—kind of like Mr. Tim Healy—stepped out and hurried forward with some papers in his hand.
“Comrade Gregory,” he said, “I suppose this man is a delegate?”
“Comrade Gregory,” he said, “I assume this guy is a delegate?”
Gregory, taken by surprise, looked down and muttered the name of Syme; but Syme replied almost pertly—
Gregory, caught off guard, looked down and mumbled Syme's name; but Syme responded almost sharply—
“I am glad to see that your gate is well enough guarded to make it hard for anyone to be here who was not a delegate.”
“I’m glad to see that your gate is secured well enough to keep out anyone who isn't a delegate.”
The brow of the little man with the black beard was, however, still contracted with something like suspicion.
The little man with the black beard still had a furrowed brow, looking somewhat suspicious.
“What branch do you represent?” he asked sharply.
“What branch do you represent?” he asked sharply.
“I should hardly call it a branch,” said Syme, laughing; “I should call it at the very least a root.”
“I can barely call it a branch,” Syme said with a laugh; “I’d call it, at the very least, a root.”
“What do you mean?”
"What do you mean?"
“The fact is,” said Syme serenely, “the truth is I am a Sabbatarian. I have been specially sent here to see that you show a due observance of Sunday.”
"The fact is," Syme said calmly, "the truth is I’m a Sabbatarian. I’ve been specifically sent here to make sure you properly observe Sunday."
The little man dropped one of his papers, and a flicker of fear went over all the faces of the group. Evidently the awful President, whose name was Sunday, did sometimes send down such irregular ambassadors to such branch meetings.
The little man dropped one of his papers, and a quick look of fear passed over everyone's faces in the group. Clearly, the terrifying President, named Sunday, did occasionally send such unexpected messengers to these branch meetings.
“Well, comrade,” said the man with the papers after a pause, “I suppose we’d better give you a seat in the meeting?”
“Well, comrade,” said the man with the papers after a pause, “I guess we should find you a seat at the meeting?”
“If you ask my advice as a friend,” said Syme with severe benevolence, “I think you’d better.”
“If you want my advice as a friend,” said Syme with serious kindness, “I think you should.”
When Gregory heard the dangerous dialogue end, with a sudden safety for his rival, he rose abruptly and paced the floor in painful thought. He was, indeed, in an agony of diplomacy. It was clear that Syme’s inspired impudence was likely to bring him out of all merely accidental dilemmas. Little was to be hoped from them. He could not himself betray Syme, partly from honour, but partly also because, if he betrayed him and for some reason failed to destroy him, the Syme who escaped would be a Syme freed from all obligation of secrecy, a Syme who would simply walk to the nearest police station. After all, it was only one night’s discussion, and only one detective who would know of it. He would let out as little as possible of their plans that night, and then let Syme go, and chance it.
When Gregory heard the dangerous conversation wrap up, leaving his rival unexpectedly safe, he suddenly stood up and began pacing the floor, deep in thought. He was truly in a painful struggle over diplomacy. It was clear that Syme’s boldness was likely to pull him out of all the accidental traps he found himself in. There was little to be gained from them. He couldn't betray Syme, partly out of honor but also because if he turned on Syme and somehow failed to eliminate him, the Syme who got away would be free from any obligation to keep secrets and could easily walk into the nearest police station. After all, it was just one night of discussion and only one detective who was aware of it. He decided to reveal as little as possible about their plans that night, then let Syme go and take his chances.
He strode across to the group of anarchists, which was already distributing itself along the benches.
He walked over to the group of anarchists, who were already spreading out along the benches.
“I think it is time we began,” he said; “the steam-tug is waiting on the river already. I move that Comrade Buttons takes the chair.”
“I think it’s time we got started,” he said; “the tugboat is already waiting on the river. I suggest that Comrade Buttons take the lead.”
This being approved by a show of hands, the little man with the papers slipped into the presidential seat.
This got approved with a show of hands, and the little man with the papers took the presidential seat.
“Comrades,” he began, as sharp as a pistol-shot, “our meeting tonight is important, though it need not be long. This branch has always had the honour of electing Thursdays for the Central European Council. We have elected many and splendid Thursdays. We all lament the sad decease of the heroic worker who occupied the post until last week. As you know, his services to the cause were considerable. He organised the great dynamite coup of Brighton which, under happier circumstances, ought to have killed everybody on the pier. As you also know, his death was as self-denying as his life, for he died through his faith in a hygienic mixture of chalk and water as a substitute for milk, which beverage he regarded as barbaric, and as involving cruelty to the cow. Cruelty, or anything approaching to cruelty, revolted him always. But it is not to acclaim his virtues that we are met, but for a harder task. It is difficult properly to praise his qualities, but it is more difficult to replace them. Upon you, comrades, it devolves this evening to choose out of the company present the man who shall be Thursday. If any comrade suggests a name I will put it to the vote. If no comrade suggests a name, I can only tell myself that that dear dynamiter, who is gone from us, has carried into the unknowable abysses the last secret of his virtue and his innocence.”
“Comrades,” he began, sharp as a gunshot, “our meeting tonight is important, but it doesn't need to be long. This branch has always had the honor of electing Thursdays for the Central European Council. We've elected many amazing Thursdays. We all mourn the loss of the heroic worker who held the position until last week. As you know, his contributions to our cause were significant. He organized the famous dynamite incident in Brighton that, under better circumstances, should have killed everyone on the pier. As you also know, his death was as selfless as his life; he died believing in a hygienic mix of chalk and water as a substitute for milk, which he considered barbaric and cruel to cows. Cruelty, or anything close to it, always repulsed him. But we’re not here to celebrate his virtues; we have a more difficult task. It’s hard to truly praise his qualities, but it’s even harder to find a replacement for them. Tonight, it’s up to you, comrades, to choose from those present the person who will be Thursday. If any comrade suggests a name, I will put it to a vote. If no one suggests a name, I can only tell myself that dear dynamiter, who is no longer with us, has taken into the unknown depths the final secret of his virtue and innocence.”
There was a stir of almost inaudible applause, such as is sometimes heard in church. Then a large old man, with a long and venerable white beard, perhaps the only real working-man present, rose lumberingly and said—
There was a soft murmur of applause, like what you sometimes hear in church. Then a large elderly man, with a long and impressive white beard, probably the only true working-class guy there, stood up slowly and said—
“I move that Comrade Gregory be elected Thursday,” and sat lumberingly down again.
“I suggest that Comrade Gregory be elected on Thursday,” and sat heavily back down.
“Does anyone second?” asked the chairman.
“Is there a second?” asked the chairman.
A little man with a velvet coat and pointed beard seconded.
A small man in a velvet coat with a pointed beard agreed.
“Before I put the matter to the vote,” said the chairman, “I will call on Comrade Gregory to make a statement.”
“Before I put this to a vote,” said the chairman, “I will ask Comrade Gregory to make a statement.”
Gregory rose amid a great rumble of applause. His face was deadly pale, so that by contrast his queer red hair looked almost scarlet. But he was smiling and altogether at ease. He had made up his mind, and he saw his best policy quite plain in front of him like a white road. His best chance was to make a softened and ambiguous speech, such as would leave on the detective’s mind the impression that the anarchist brotherhood was a very mild affair after all. He believed in his own literary power, his capacity for suggesting fine shades and picking perfect words. He thought that with care he could succeed, in spite of all the people around him, in conveying an impression of the institution, subtly and delicately false. Syme had once thought that anarchists, under all their bravado, were only playing the fool. Could he not now, in the hour of peril, make Syme think so again?
Gregory stood up to a loud round of applause. His face was strikingly pale, making his odd red hair look almost bright red in comparison. But he was smiling and completely relaxed. He had made up his mind, and he clearly saw his best strategy ahead of him like a straight road. His best move was to deliver a softened, ambiguous speech that would leave the detective with the impression that the anarchist brotherhood was really quite mild after all. He believed in his own writing skills, his ability to suggest subtle nuances and choose just the right words. He thought that with some care, he could manage, despite all the people around him, to create a subtly misleading impression of the organization. Syme had once believed that anarchists, beneath all their bravado, were just acting foolish. Could he not, in this moment of danger, make Syme think that way again?
“Comrades,” began Gregory, in a low but penetrating voice, “it is not necessary for me to tell you what is my policy, for it is your policy also. Our belief has been slandered, it has been disfigured, it has been utterly confused and concealed, but it has never been altered. Those who talk about anarchism and its dangers go everywhere and anywhere to get their information, except to us, except to the fountain head. They learn about anarchists from sixpenny novels; they learn about anarchists from tradesmen’s newspapers; they learn about anarchists from Ally Sloper’s Half-Holiday and the Sporting Times. They never learn about anarchists from anarchists. We have no chance of denying the mountainous slanders which are heaped upon our heads from one end of Europe to another. The man who has always heard that we are walking plagues has never heard our reply. I know that he will not hear it tonight, though my passion were to rend the roof. For it is deep, deep under the earth that the persecuted are permitted to assemble, as the Christians assembled in the Catacombs. But if, by some incredible accident, there were here tonight a man who all his life had thus immensely misunderstood us, I would put this question to him: ‘When those Christians met in those Catacombs, what sort of moral reputation had they in the streets above? What tales were told of their atrocities by one educated Roman to another? Suppose’ (I would say to him), ‘suppose that we are only repeating that still mysterious paradox of history. Suppose we seem as shocking as the Christians because we are really as harmless as the Christians. Suppose we seem as mad as the Christians because we are really as meek.”’
“Comrades,” began Gregory in a low yet powerful voice, “I don’t need to tell you what my policy is because it’s also your policy. Our beliefs have been slandered, distorted, and completely misunderstood, but they have never changed. Those who talk about anarchism and its dangers seek information everywhere—anywhere—except from us, the source. They learn about anarchists from cheap novels; they gather their ideas from merchants’ newspapers; they get their notions from *Ally Sloper’s Half-Holiday* and the *Sporting Times*. They never learn about anarchists from anarchists. We have no opportunity to deny the huge slanders piled on us from one end of Europe to the other. The person who has always heard that we are walking disasters has never heard our response. I know he won’t hear it tonight, no matter how passionately I speak. Because it’s deep, deep underground that the persecuted are allowed to gather, like the Christians in the Catacombs. But if, by some unbelievable chance, there’s someone here tonight who has completely misunderstood us all his life, I would ask him this: ‘When those Christians met in the Catacombs, what kind of moral standing did they have in the streets above? What stories did educated Romans share about their supposed atrocities? Suppose’ (I would say to him), ‘we are merely repeating that strange riddle of history. Suppose we appear as shocking as the Christians because we are actually as harmless as they were. Suppose we seem as insane as the Christians because we are truly as gentle.”
The applause that had greeted the opening sentences had been gradually growing fainter, and at the last word it stopped suddenly. In the abrupt silence, the man with the velvet jacket said, in a high, squeaky voice—
The applause that had welcomed the opening lines had slowly been fading away, and at the final word, it came to an abrupt stop. In the sudden silence, the man in the velvet jacket said, in a high-pitched, squeaky voice—
“I’m not meek!”
“I’m not submissive!”
“Comrade Witherspoon tells us,” resumed Gregory, “that he is not meek. Ah, how little he knows himself! His words are, indeed, extravagant; his appearance is ferocious, and even (to an ordinary taste) unattractive. But only the eye of a friendship as deep and delicate as mine can perceive the deep foundation of solid meekness which lies at the base of him, too deep even for himself to see. I repeat, we are the true early Christians, only that we come too late. We are simple, as they revere simple—look at Comrade Witherspoon. We are modest, as they were modest—look at me. We are merciful—”
“Comrade Witherspoon tells us,” Gregory continued, “that he is not meek. Ah, how little he understands himself! His words are indeed over the top; his appearance is fierce, and even (to an ordinary taste) unappealing. But only the eye of a friendship as deep and delicate as mine can see the solid foundation of true meekness that lies beneath him, too deep even for him to recognize. I say again, we are the real early Christians, just that we’ve arrived too late. We are simple, as they valued simplicity—look at Comrade Witherspoon. We are modest, as they were modest—look at me. We are merciful—”
“No, no!” called out Mr. Witherspoon with the velvet jacket.
“No, no!” shouted Mr. Witherspoon in the velvet jacket.
“I say we are merciful,” repeated Gregory furiously, “as the early Christians were merciful. Yet this did not prevent their being accused of eating human flesh. We do not eat human flesh—”
“I say we are merciful,” Gregory shouted angrily, “just like the early Christians were merciful. But that didn’t stop people from accusing them of eating human flesh. We don’t eat human flesh—”
“Shame!” cried Witherspoon. “Why not?”
"Shame!" yelled Witherspoon. "Why not?"
“Comrade Witherspoon,” said Gregory, with a feverish gaiety, “is anxious to know why nobody eats him (laughter). In our society, at any rate, which loves him sincerely, which is founded upon love—”
“Comrade Witherspoon,” said Gregory, with a frantic cheerfulness, “is curious why no one eats him (laughter). In our society, at least, which genuinely cares for him, which is based on love—”
“No, no!” said Witherspoon, “down with love.”
“No, no!” said Witherspoon, “forget love.”
“Which is founded upon love,” repeated Gregory, grinding his teeth, “there will be no difficulty about the aims which we shall pursue as a body, or which I should pursue were I chosen as the representative of that body. Superbly careless of the slanders that represent us as assassins and enemies of human society, we shall pursue with moral courage and quiet intellectual pressure, the permanent ideals of brotherhood and simplicity.”
“Which is based on love,” Gregory repeated, grinding his teeth, “there won’t be any issues with the goals we’ll pursue as a group, or the ones I would aim for if I were chosen to represent that group. Completely unfazed by the false accusations that portray us as killers and enemies of society, we will pursue the lasting ideals of brotherhood and simplicity with moral courage and calm intellectual determination.”
Gregory resumed his seat and passed his hand across his forehead. The silence was sudden and awkward, but the chairman rose like an automaton, and said in a colourless voice—
Gregory sat back down and wiped his forehead. The silence was sudden and uncomfortable, but the chairman stood up like a robot and said in a flat voice—
“Does anyone oppose the election of Comrade Gregory?”
“Does anyone object to the election of Comrade Gregory?”
The assembly seemed vague and sub-consciously disappointed, and Comrade Witherspoon moved restlessly on his seat and muttered in his thick beard. By the sheer rush of routine, however, the motion would have been put and carried. But as the chairman was opening his mouth to put it, Syme sprang to his feet and said in a small and quiet voice—
The assembly felt unclear and somewhat disappointed, and Comrade Witherspoon shifted uncomfortably in his seat and muttered in his thick beard. However, due to the momentum of routine, the motion would have been proposed and passed. But just as the chairman was about to speak, Syme jumped up and said in a soft and quiet voice—
“Yes, Mr. Chairman, I oppose.”
"Yes, Mr. Chair, I oppose."
The most effective fact in oratory is an unexpected change in the voice. Mr. Gabriel Syme evidently understood oratory. Having said these first formal words in a moderated tone and with a brief simplicity, he made his next word ring and volley in the vault as if one of the guns had gone off.
The most powerful aspect of speaking is an unexpected shift in voice. Mr. Gabriel Syme clearly understood how to speak effectively. After delivering his opening words in a calm and straightforward manner, he made his next word echo in the space like a gunshot.
“Comrades!” he cried, in a voice that made every man jump out of his boots, “have we come here for this? Do we live underground like rats in order to listen to talk like this? This is talk we might listen to while eating buns at a Sunday School treat. Do we line these walls with weapons and bar that door with death lest anyone should come and hear Comrade Gregory saying to us, ‘Be good, and you will be happy,’ ‘Honesty is the best policy,’ and ‘Virtue is its own reward’? There was not a word in Comrade Gregory’s address to which a curate could not have listened with pleasure (hear, hear). But I am not a curate (loud cheers), and I did not listen to it with pleasure (renewed cheers). The man who is fitted to make a good curate is not fitted to make a resolute, forcible, and efficient Thursday (hear, hear).
“Comrades!” he shouted, in a voice that made everyone jump out of their boots, “are we here for this? Do we live underground like rats just to hear this kind of talk? This is something you’d expect to hear while munching on snacks at a Sunday School gathering. Did we fill these walls with weapons and bar the door with death just so no one can come in and hear Comrade Gregory say, ‘Be good, and you’ll be happy,’ ‘Honesty is the best policy,’ and ‘Virtue is its own reward’? There wasn’t a single word in Comrade Gregory’s speech that a church leader couldn’t have appreciated (hear, hear). But I’m not a church leader (loud cheers), and I didn’t enjoy it (renewed cheers). The person who would make a good church leader isn’t the same person who can be a strong, decisive, and effective Thursday (hear, hear).
“Comrade Gregory has told us, in only too apologetic a tone, that we are not the enemies of society. But I say that we are the enemies of society, and so much the worse for society. We are the enemies of society, for society is the enemy of humanity, its oldest and its most pitiless enemy (hear, hear). Comrade Gregory has told us (apologetically again) that we are not murderers. There I agree. We are not murderers, we are executioners (cheers).”
“Comrade Gregory has informed us, sounding quite apologetic, that we are not the enemies of society. But I contend that we are indeed the enemies of society, and that's unfortunate for society. We are the enemies of society because society is the enemy of humanity, its oldest and most relentless foe (hear, hear). Comrade Gregory has again told us (apologetically) that we are not murderers. I agree with that. We are not murderers; we are executioners (cheers).”
Ever since Syme had risen Gregory had sat staring at him, his face idiotic with astonishment. Now in the pause his lips of clay parted, and he said, with an automatic and lifeless distinctness—
Ever since Syme stood up, Gregory had been staring at him, his face blank with shock. Now, in the silence, his lips moved awkwardly, and he said, in a flat and lifeless tone—
“You damnable hypocrite!”
"You absolute hypocrite!"
Syme looked straight into those frightful eyes with his own pale blue ones, and said with dignity—
Syme looked directly into those terrifying eyes with his own pale blue ones and said with dignity—
“Comrade Gregory accuses me of hypocrisy. He knows as well as I do that I am keeping all my engagements and doing nothing but my duty. I do not mince words. I do not pretend to. I say that Comrade Gregory is unfit to be Thursday for all his amiable qualities. He is unfit to be Thursday because of his amiable qualities. We do not want the Supreme Council of Anarchy infected with a maudlin mercy (hear, hear). This is no time for ceremonial politeness, neither is it a time for ceremonial modesty. I set myself against Comrade Gregory as I would set myself against all the Governments of Europe, because the anarchist who has given himself to anarchy has forgotten modesty as much as he has forgotten pride (cheers). I am not a man at all. I am a cause (renewed cheers). I set myself against Comrade Gregory as impersonally and as calmly as I should choose one pistol rather than another out of that rack upon the wall; and I say that rather than have Gregory and his milk-and-water methods on the Supreme Council, I would offer myself for election—”
“Comrade Gregory accuses me of being a hypocrite. He knows just as well as I do that I'm fulfilling all my commitments and doing nothing but my duty. I don't sugarcoat things. I don't pretend otherwise. I say that Comrade Gregory is unfit to be Thursday despite his nice qualities. He is unfit to be Thursday because of those nice qualities. We don’t want the Supreme Council of Anarchy tainted by sentimental pity (hear, hear). This isn't the time for formal politeness, nor is it a time for false modesty. I stand against Comrade Gregory just as I would stand against all the Governments of Europe, because the anarchist who has embraced anarchy has disregarded modesty as much as he has pride (cheers). I am not just a man. I am a cause (renewed cheers). I stand against Comrade Gregory as impersonally and calmly as I would choose one pistol over another from that rack on the wall; and I say that rather than have Gregory and his soft approaches on the Supreme Council, I would put myself up for election—”
His sentence was drowned in a deafening cataract of applause. The faces, that had grown fiercer and fiercer with approval as his tirade grew more and more uncompromising, were now distorted with grins of anticipation or cloven with delighted cries. At the moment when he announced himself as ready to stand for the post of Thursday, a roar of excitement and assent broke forth, and became uncontrollable, and at the same moment Gregory sprang to his feet, with foam upon his mouth, and shouted against the shouting.
His statement was overwhelmed by a thunderous wave of applause. The faces, which had become more and more intense with approval as his speech became increasingly relentless, were now twisted with eager smiles or split with joyful shouts. At the moment he declared he was ready to run for the Thursday post, a surge of excitement and agreement erupted and became uncontrollable, and at that same moment, Gregory jumped to his feet, froth at his mouth, and shouted over the noise.
“Stop, you blasted madmen!” he cried, at the top of a voice that tore his throat. “Stop, you—”
“Stop, you crazy madmen!” he shouted, at the top of a voice that strained his throat. “Stop, you—”
But louder than Gregory’s shouting and louder than the roar of the room came the voice of Syme, still speaking in a peal of pitiless thunder—
But louder than Gregory’s shouting and louder than the roar of the room came Syme’s voice, still speaking in a relentless thunder—
“I do not go to the Council to rebut that slander that calls us murderers; I go to earn it (loud and prolonged cheering). To the priest who says these men are the enemies of religion, to the judge who says these men are the enemies of law, to the fat parliamentarian who says these men are the enemies of order and public decency, to all these I will reply, ‘You are false kings, but you are true prophets. I am come to destroy you, and to fulfil your prophecies.’”
“I’m not here at the Council to defend against the accusations that label us as murderers; I’m here to embrace it (loud and prolonged cheering). To the priest who says that these men are the enemies of religion, to the judge who declares that these men are the enemies of law, to the overweight politician who claims that these men are the enemies of order and public decency, to all of them I will respond, ‘You are false kings, but you are true prophets. I have come to take you down and to make your prophecies come true.’”
The heavy clamour gradually died away, but before it had ceased Witherspoon had jumped to his feet, his hair and beard all on end, and had said—
The loud noise slowly faded, but before it completely stopped, Witherspoon jumped to his feet, his hair and beard standing on end, and said—
“I move, as an amendment, that Comrade Syme be appointed to the post.”
"I propose an amendment to appoint Comrade Syme to the position."
“Stop all this, I tell you!” cried Gregory, with frantic face and hands. “Stop it, it is all—”
“Stop all this, I’m telling you!” Gregory shouted, his face and hands frantic. “Stop it, it’s all—”
The voice of the chairman clove his speech with a cold accent.
The chairman's voice cut through his speech with a cold tone.
“Does anyone second this amendment?” he said. A tall, tired man, with melancholy eyes and an American chin beard, was observed on the back bench to be slowly rising to his feet. Gregory had been screaming for some time past; now there was a change in his accent, more shocking than any scream. “I end all this!” he said, in a voice as heavy as stone. “This man cannot be elected. He is a—”
“Does anyone second this amendment?” he asked. A tall, weary man with sad eyes and an American chin beard was seen slowly getting to his feet from the back bench. Gregory had been yelling for a while; now his tone changed, more jarring than any scream. “I put a stop to this!” he declared, his voice as heavy as stone. “This man cannot be elected. He is a—”
“Yes,” said Syme, quite motionless, “what is he?” Gregory’s mouth worked twice without sound; then slowly the blood began to crawl back into his dead face.
“Yes,” Syme said, completely still, “what is he?” Gregory’s mouth moved twice without making a sound; then slowly the blood started to return to his lifeless face.
“He is a man quite inexperienced in our work,” he said, and sat down abruptly.
“He's a guy who's pretty new to our work,” he said, and sat down suddenly.
Before he had done so, the long, lean man with the American beard was again upon his feet, and was repeating in a high American monotone—
Before he had finished, the tall, thin man with the American beard was back on his feet, repeating in a high American monotone—
“I beg to second the election of Comrade Syme.”
"I’d like to second the election of Comrade Syme."
“The amendment will, as usual, be put first,” said Mr. Buttons, the chairman, with mechanical rapidity.
“The amendment will, as usual, be put first,” said Mr. Buttons, the chairman, quickly and automatically.
“The question is that Comrade Syme—”
“The question is that Comrade Syme—”
Gregory had again sprung to his feet, panting and passionate.
Gregory had jumped up again, out of breath and fired up.
“Comrades,” he cried out, “I am not a madman.”
“Friends,” he shouted, “I’m not crazy.”
“Oh, oh!” said Mr. Witherspoon.
“Oh, wow!” said Mr. Witherspoon.
“I am not a madman,” reiterated Gregory, with a frightful sincerity which for a moment staggered the room, “but I give you a counsel which you can call mad if you like. No, I will not call it a counsel, for I can give you no reason for it. I will call it a command. Call it a mad command, but act upon it. Strike, but hear me! Kill me, but obey me! Do not elect this man.” Truth is so terrible, even in fetters, that for a moment Syme’s slender and insane victory swayed like a reed. But you could not have guessed it from Syme’s bleak blue eyes. He merely began—
“I’m not crazy,” Gregory insisted, with a chilling honesty that momentarily stunned the room, “but I’m giving you advice that you can consider insane if you want. No, I won’t call it advice, since I can’t provide a reason for it. I’ll call it a command. Call it a mad command, but follow it. Strike, but listen to me! Kill me, but obey me! Do not choose this man.” Truth is so daunting, even when constrained, that for a moment Syme’s slender and irrational victory wavered like a reed. But you wouldn’t have guessed it from Syme’s cold blue eyes. He simply began—
“Comrade Gregory commands—”
“Commander Gregory commands—”
Then the spell was snapped, and one anarchist called out to Gregory—
Then the spell was broken, and one anarchist shouted to Gregory—
“Who are you? You are not Sunday;” and another anarchist added in a heavier voice, “And you are not Thursday.”
“Who are you? You’re not Sunday;” and another anarchist chimed in with a deeper voice, “And you’re not Thursday.”
“Comrades,” cried Gregory, in a voice like that of a martyr who in an ecstacy of pain has passed beyond pain, “it is nothing to me whether you detest me as a tyrant or detest me as a slave. If you will not take my command, accept my degradation. I kneel to you. I throw myself at your feet. I implore you. Do not elect this man.”
“Friends,” shouted Gregory, in a voice like that of a martyr who, caught in a whirlwind of suffering, has transcended the pain, “it doesn’t matter to me whether you hate me as a tyrant or hate me as a slave. If you won’t follow my orders, then accept my humiliation. I’m kneeling before you. I’m begging you. Please don’t choose this man.”
“Comrade Gregory,” said the chairman after a painful pause, “this is really not quite dignified.”
“Comrade Gregory,” said the chairman after a long pause, “this is really not very dignified.”
For the first time in the proceedings there was for a few seconds a real silence. Then Gregory fell back in his seat, a pale wreck of a man, and the chairman repeated, like a piece of clock-work suddenly started again—
For the first time in the proceedings, there was a genuine silence for a few seconds. Then Gregory slumped back in his seat, looking like a pale shadow of a man, and the chairman repeated, like a clock that had just started ticking again—
“The question is that Comrade Syme be elected to the post of Thursday on the General Council.”
“The question is whether Comrade Syme should be elected to the position of Thursday on the General Council.”
The roar rose like the sea, the hands rose like a forest, and three minutes afterwards Mr. Gabriel Syme, of the Secret Police Service, was elected to the post of Thursday on the General Council of the Anarchists of Europe.
The roar surged like the ocean, the hands lifted like a forest, and three minutes later, Mr. Gabriel Syme, from the Secret Police Service, was elected to the Thursday position on the General Council of the Anarchists of Europe.
Everyone in the room seemed to feel the tug waiting on the river, the sword-stick and the revolver, waiting on the table. The instant the election was ended and irrevocable, and Syme had received the paper proving his election, they all sprang to their feet, and the fiery groups moved and mixed in the room. Syme found himself, somehow or other, face to face with Gregory, who still regarded him with a stare of stunned hatred. They were silent for many minutes.
Everyone in the room seemed to sense the tension waiting by the river, the sword-stick and the revolver resting on the table. The moment the election was over and final, and Syme had gotten the paper confirming his win, they all jumped up, and the heated groups stirred and mingled in the room. Syme found himself, for some reason, face to face with Gregory, who still looked at him with a gaze of shocked hatred. They were silent for several minutes.
“You are a devil!” said Gregory at last.
“You're a devil!” Gregory finally said.
“And you are a gentleman,” said Syme with gravity.
“And you’re a gentleman,” Syme said seriously.
“It was you that entrapped me,” began Gregory, shaking from head to foot, “entrapped me into—”
“It was you that trapped me,” began Gregory, shaking all over, “trapped me into—”
“Talk sense,” said Syme shortly. “Into what sort of devils’ parliament have you entrapped me, if it comes to that? You made me swear before I made you. Perhaps we are both doing what we think right. But what we think right is so damned different that there can be nothing between us in the way of concession. There is nothing possible between us but honour and death,” and he pulled the great cloak about his shoulders and picked up the flask from the table.
“Make sense,” Syme said curtly. “What kind of devil’s meeting have you gotten me into? You had me swear an oath before I got you to. Maybe we both believe we’re doing what’s right. But our ideas of right are so different that there’s no room for compromise. The only things we can agree on are honor and death,” he said as he wrapped the heavy cloak around his shoulders and grabbed the flask from the table.
“The boat is quite ready,” said Mr. Buttons, bustling up. “Be good enough to step this way.”
“The boat is all ready,” said Mr. Buttons, hurrying over. “Please come this way.”
With a gesture that revealed the shop-walker, he led Syme down a short, iron-bound passage, the still agonised Gregory following feverishly at their heels. At the end of the passage was a door, which Buttons opened sharply, showing a sudden blue and silver picture of the moonlit river, that looked like a scene in a theatre. Close to the opening lay a dark, dwarfish steam-launch, like a baby dragon with one red eye.
With a gesture that indicated the shop attendant, he led Syme down a short, reinforced passage, the still tormented Gregory trailing anxiously behind them. At the end of the passage was a door, which Buttons opened abruptly, revealing a sudden blue and silver view of the moonlit river, resembling a scene from a play. Close to the opening rested a small, dark steam-launch, like a baby dragon with a single red eye.
Almost in the act of stepping on board, Gabriel Syme turned to the gaping Gregory.
Almost about to step on board, Gabriel Syme turned to the staring Gregory.
“You have kept your word,” he said gently, with his face in shadow. “You are a man of honour, and I thank you. You have kept it even down to a small particular. There was one special thing you promised me at the beginning of the affair, and which you have certainly given me by the end of it.”
“You've kept your promise,” he said softly, his face in shadow. “You're a man of integrity, and I appreciate it. You've honored it even in the smallest details. There was one specific thing you promised me at the start of this situation, and you’ve definitely delivered by the end.”
“What do you mean?” cried the chaotic Gregory. “What did I promise you?”
“What do you mean?” shouted the chaotic Gregory. “What did I promise you?”
“A very entertaining evening,” said Syme, and he made a military salute with the sword-stick as the steamboat slid away.
“A super fun evening,” said Syme, and he gave a military salute with the sword-stick as the steamboat glided away.
CHAPTER IV.
THE TALE OF A DETECTIVE
Gabriel Syme was not merely a detective who pretended to be a poet; he was really a poet who had become a detective. Nor was his hatred of anarchy hypocritical. He was one of those who are driven early in life into too conservative an attitude by the bewildering folly of most revolutionists. He had not attained it by any tame tradition. His respectability was spontaneous and sudden, a rebellion against rebellion. He came of a family of cranks, in which all the oldest people had all the newest notions. One of his uncles always walked about without a hat, and another had made an unsuccessful attempt to walk about with a hat and nothing else. His father cultivated art and self-realisation; his mother went in for simplicity and hygiene. Hence the child, during his tenderer years, was wholly unacquainted with any drink between the extremes of absinth and cocoa, of both of which he had a healthy dislike. The more his mother preached a more than Puritan abstinence the more did his father expand into a more than pagan latitude; and by the time the former had come to enforcing vegetarianism, the latter had pretty well reached the point of defending cannibalism.
Gabriel Syme wasn't just a detective pretending to be a poet; he was genuinely a poet who had become a detective. His dislike for anarchy wasn't hypocritical. He was one of those people who, early in life, developed a strongly conservative viewpoint because of the confusing ridiculousness of most revolutionaries. He didn't adopt this mindset from any dull tradition. His respectability came from a spontaneous and sudden decision, a rebellion against rebellion itself. He came from a family of oddballs, where the oldest relatives had the newest ideas. One of his uncles always walked around without a hat, while another unsuccessfully tried to walk around with a hat and nothing else. His father focused on art and self-fulfillment; his mother emphasized simplicity and hygiene. As a result, as a child, he was completely unaware of any drinks that weren't either absinthe or cocoa, both of which he strongly disliked. The more his mother preached about extreme abstinence, the more his father indulged in a more than pagan lifestyle; by the time his mother started enforcing vegetarianism, his father was almost at the point of defending cannibalism.
Being surrounded with every conceivable kind of revolt from infancy, Gabriel had to revolt into something, so he revolted into the only thing left—sanity. But there was just enough in him of the blood of these fanatics to make even his protest for common sense a little too fierce to be sensible. His hatred of modern lawlessness had been crowned also by an accident. It happened that he was walking in a side street at the instant of a dynamite outrage. He had been blind and deaf for a moment, and then seen, the smoke clearing, the broken windows and the bleeding faces. After that he went about as usual—quiet, courteous, rather gentle; but there was a spot on his mind that was not sane. He did not regard anarchists, as most of us do, as a handful of morbid men, combining ignorance with intellectualism. He regarded them as a huge and pitiless peril, like a Chinese invasion.
Surrounded by every possible kind of rebellion from a young age, Gabriel had to channel his defiance into something, so he turned to the only thing left—being sane. But he had just enough of the fanatic's blood in him to make even his plea for common sense a bit too intense to be rational. His disdain for modern lawlessness was further fueled by an incident. He happened to be walking in a side street at the moment of a dynamite explosion. For a brief moment, he was blind and deaf, and then he saw, as the smoke cleared, the shattered windows and bleeding faces. After that, he went about his life as usual—calm, polite, and somewhat gentle; but there was a part of his mind that wasn’t quite right. He didn’t see anarchists, like most of us do, as just a small group of disturbed individuals mixing ignorance with intellect. He saw them as a vast and merciless threat, like a Chinese invasion.
He poured perpetually into newspapers and their waste-paper baskets a torrent of tales, verses and violent articles, warning men of this deluge of barbaric denial. But he seemed to be getting no nearer his enemy, and, what was worse, no nearer a living. As he paced the Thames embankment, bitterly biting a cheap cigar and brooding on the advance of Anarchy, there was no anarchist with a bomb in his pocket so savage or so solitary as he. Indeed, he always felt that Government stood alone and desperate, with its back to the wall. He was too quixotic to have cared for it otherwise.
He endlessly poured stories, poems, and intense articles into newspapers and their recycling bins, warning people about this flood of barbaric denial. But it felt like he was making no progress against his enemy, and even worse, he was no closer to making a living. As he walked along the Thames embankment, bitterly chewing on a cheap cigar and contemplating the rise of Anarchy, he felt there was no anarchist with a bomb in his pocket as fierce or as lonely as he was. In fact, he always believed that the Government was isolated and desperate, backed against the wall. He was too idealistic to think about it any other way.
He walked on the Embankment once under a dark red sunset. The red river reflected the red sky, and they both reflected his anger. The sky, indeed, was so swarthy, and the light on the river relatively so lurid, that the water almost seemed of fiercer flame than the sunset it mirrored. It looked like a stream of literal fire winding under the vast caverns of a subterranean country.
He strolled along the riverbank one evening under a dark red sunset. The red river mirrored the red sky, and they both echoed his anger. The sky was so dark, and the light on the river was so vivid that the water almost appeared to be more intensely fiery than the sunset it reflected. It looked like a stream of literal fire winding beneath the vast tunnels of an underground world.
Syme was shabby in those days. He wore an old-fashioned black chimney-pot hat; he was wrapped in a yet more old-fashioned cloak, black and ragged; and the combination gave him the look of the early villains in Dickens and Bulwer Lytton. Also his yellow beard and hair were more unkempt and leonine than when they appeared long afterwards, cut and pointed, on the lawns of Saffron Park. A long, lean, black cigar, bought in Soho for twopence, stood out from between his tightened teeth, and altogether he looked a very satisfactory specimen of the anarchists upon whom he had vowed a holy war. Perhaps this was why a policeman on the Embankment spoke to him, and said “Good evening.”
Syme looked pretty shabby back then. He wore an old-fashioned black hat that looked like a chimney pot; he was wrapped in an even older, tattered black cloak; and together they made him resemble the early villains from Dickens and Bulwer Lytton. His yellow beard and hair were more messy and wild than they would be later, when they were cut and styled on the lawns of Saffron Park. A long, thin, black cigar he had bought in Soho for two pence jutted out from between his tight lips, and overall, he seemed like a perfect example of the anarchists he had declared a holy war against. Maybe that’s why a policeman on the Embankment stopped to say, “Good evening.”
Syme, at a crisis of his morbid fears for humanity, seemed stung by the mere stolidity of the automatic official, a mere bulk of blue in the twilight.
Syme, in a moment of intense anxiety about humanity, appeared to be irritated by the thoughtlessness of the automatic official, just a solid figure in blue against the dim light.
“A good evening is it?” he said sharply. “You fellows would call the end of the world a good evening. Look at that bloody red sun and that bloody river! I tell you that if that were literally human blood, spilt and shining, you would still be standing here as solid as ever, looking out for some poor harmless tramp whom you could move on. You policemen are cruel to the poor, but I could forgive you even your cruelty if it were not for your calm.”
“A nice evening, is it?” he said sharply. “You guys would call the end of the world a nice evening. Look at that damn red sun and that damn river! I swear, if that were literally human blood, spilled and shining, you would still be standing here just as solid as ever, looking out for some poor harmless drifter you could scare off. You cops are cruel to the poor, but I could even forgive your cruelty if it weren't for your calm.”
“If we are calm,” replied the policeman, “it is the calm of organised resistance.”
“If we’re calm,” replied the policeman, “it’s the calm of organized resistance.”
“Eh?” said Syme, staring.
"Wait, what?" said Syme, staring.
“The soldier must be calm in the thick of the battle,” pursued the policeman. “The composure of an army is the anger of a nation.”
“The soldier has to stay calm in the heat of battle,” the policeman continued. “The army's composure is the nation's rage.”
“Good God, the Board Schools!” said Syme. “Is this undenominational education?”
“Good God, the Board Schools!” said Syme. “Is this non-religious education?”
“No,” said the policeman sadly, “I never had any of those advantages. The Board Schools came after my time. What education I had was very rough and old-fashioned, I am afraid.”
“No,” said the policeman sadly, “I never had any of those advantages. The Board Schools came after my time. The education I received was pretty basic and old-fashioned, I'm afraid.”
“Where did you have it?” asked Syme, wondering.
“Where did you get it?” asked Syme, curious.
“Oh, at Harrow,” said the policeman
“Oh, at Harrow,” said the cop
The class sympathies which, false as they are, are the truest things in so many men, broke out of Syme before he could control them.
The class sympathies that, though they may be false, are often the most genuine feelings in many men, burst out of Syme before he could hold them back.
“But, good Lord, man,” he said, “you oughtn’t to be a policeman!”
“But, good Lord, man,” he said, “you shouldn't be a policeman!”
The policeman sighed and shook his head.
The police officer sighed and shook his head.
“I know,” he said solemnly, “I know I am not worthy.”
“I know,” he said seriously, “I know I'm not worthy.”
“But why did you join the police?” asked Syme with rude curiosity.
“But why did you join the police?” Syme asked, clearly curious and a bit blunt.
“For much the same reason that you abused the police,” replied the other. “I found that there was a special opening in the service for those whose fears for humanity were concerned rather with the aberrations of the scientific intellect than with the normal and excusable, though excessive, outbreaks of the human will. I trust I make myself clear.”
“For pretty much the same reason you mistreated the police,” the other person replied. “I realized there was a specific role in the service for those who were more worried about the unusual behavior of the scientific mind than about the usual and understandable, albeit extreme, expressions of human desire. I hope I’m being clear.”
“If you mean that you make your opinion clear,” said Syme, “I suppose you do. But as for making yourself clear, it is the last thing you do. How comes a man like you to be talking philosophy in a blue helmet on the Thames embankment?”
“If you’re saying that you express your opinion clearly,” Syme said, “I guess you do. But as for actually making yourself clear, that’s the last thing you achieve. What’s a guy like you doing discussing philosophy while wearing a blue helmet on the Thames embankment?”
“You have evidently not heard of the latest development in our police system,” replied the other. “I am not surprised at it. We are keeping it rather dark from the educated class, because that class contains most of our enemies. But you seem to be exactly in the right frame of mind. I think you might almost join us.”
“You clearly haven’t heard about the latest updates in our police system,” said the other. “I’m not surprised. We’re keeping it pretty quiet from the educated class since that group makes up most of our opponents. But you seem to be just in the right mindset. I think you could almost join us.”
“Join you in what?” asked Syme.
“Join you in what?” Syme asked.
“I will tell you,” said the policeman slowly. “This is the situation: The head of one of our departments, one of the most celebrated detectives in Europe, has long been of opinion that a purely intellectual conspiracy would soon threaten the very existence of civilisation. He is certain that the scientific and artistic worlds are silently bound in a crusade against the Family and the State. He has, therefore, formed a special corps of policemen, policemen who are also philosophers. It is their business to watch the beginnings of this conspiracy, not merely in a criminal but in a controversial sense. I am a democrat myself, and I am fully aware of the value of the ordinary man in matters of ordinary valour or virtue. But it would obviously be undesirable to employ the common policeman in an investigation which is also a heresy hunt.”
"I'll explain," the policeman said slowly. "Here's the situation: The head of one of our departments, one of the top detectives in Europe, believes that a purely intellectual conspiracy could soon threaten the very existence of civilization. He’s convinced that the scientific and artistic communities are quietly engaged in a campaign against the Family and the State. As a result, he has created a special team of police officers, officers who are also philosophers. Their job is to monitor the early signs of this conspiracy, not just in a criminal sense but also in a controversial one. I consider myself a democrat, and I recognize the importance of the average person when it comes to ordinary courage or virtue. However, it's clearly not a good idea to have a regular police officer involved in an investigation that also resembles a witch hunt."
Syme’s eyes were bright with a sympathetic curiosity.
Syme’s eyes sparkled with a thoughtful curiosity.
“What do you do, then?” he said.
“What do you do, then?” he asked.
“The work of the philosophical policeman,” replied the man in blue, “is at once bolder and more subtle than that of the ordinary detective. The ordinary detective goes to pot-houses to arrest thieves; we go to artistic tea-parties to detect pessimists. The ordinary detective discovers from a ledger or a diary that a crime has been committed. We discover from a book of sonnets that a crime will be committed. We have to trace the origin of those dreadful thoughts that drive men on at last to intellectual fanaticism and intellectual crime. We were only just in time to prevent the assassination at Hartlepool, and that was entirely due to the fact that our Mr. Wilks (a smart young fellow) thoroughly understood a triolet.”
“The job of the philosophical policeman,” replied the man in blue, “is both bolder and more subtle than that of the regular detective. The regular detective goes to bars to catch thieves; we go to artistic tea parties to identify pessimists. The regular detective finds out from a ledger or a diary that a crime has already happened. We figure out from a book of sonnets that a crime is about to happen. We have to trace the root of those horrible thoughts that ultimately drive people to intellectual fanaticism and intellectual crime. We were just in time to stop the assassination at Hartlepool, and that was entirely thanks to our Mr. Wilks (a sharp young guy) who completely understood a triolet.”
“Do you mean,” asked Syme, “that there is really as much connection between crime and the modern intellect as all that?”
“Are you saying,” Syme asked, “that there’s actually that much connection between crime and modern intelligence?”
“You are not sufficiently democratic,” answered the policeman, “but you were right when you said just now that our ordinary treatment of the poor criminal was a pretty brutal business. I tell you I am sometimes sick of my trade when I see how perpetually it means merely a war upon the ignorant and the desperate. But this new movement of ours is a very different affair. We deny the snobbish English assumption that the uneducated are the dangerous criminals. We remember the Roman Emperors. We remember the great poisoning princes of the Renaissance. We say that the dangerous criminal is the educated criminal. We say that the most dangerous criminal now is the entirely lawless modern philosopher. Compared to him, burglars and bigamists are essentially moral men; my heart goes out to them. They accept the essential ideal of man; they merely seek it wrongly. Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it. But philosophers dislike property as property; they wish to destroy the very idea of personal possession. Bigamists respect marriage, or they would not go through the highly ceremonial and even ritualistic formality of bigamy. But philosophers despise marriage as marriage. Murderers respect human life; they merely wish to attain a greater fulness of human life in themselves by the sacrifice of what seems to them to be lesser lives. But philosophers hate life itself, their own as much as other people’s.”
“You're not democratic enough,” the policeman replied, “but you were right when you just said that our usual treatment of poor criminals is pretty brutal. Honestly, sometimes I feel sick of my job when I see how much it’s just a constant fight against the ignorant and the desperate. But this new movement of ours is completely different. We reject the snobbish English belief that uneducated people are the dangerous criminals. We remember the Roman Emperors. We remember the great poisoning princes of the Renaissance. We say that the real dangerous criminal is the educated one. We say that the most dangerous criminal today is the totally lawless modern philosopher. Compared to him, burglars and bigamists are essentially moral people; I actually feel for them. They accept what it means to be human; they just go about it the wrong way. Thieves respect property. They just want that property to be theirs so they can appreciate it more. But philosophers dislike property for what it is; they want to destroy the very idea of owning anything. Bigamists respect marriage; if they didn’t, they wouldn’t go through the elaborate and even ritualistic process of bigamy. But philosophers look down on marriage as an institution. Murderers respect human life; they just want to achieve a fuller experience of life by sacrificing what they see as lesser lives. But philosophers despise life itself, including their own as much as anyone else’s.”
Syme struck his hands together.
Syme clapped his hands together.
“How true that is,” he cried. “I have felt it from my boyhood, but never could state the verbal antithesis. The common criminal is a bad man, but at least he is, as it were, a conditional good man. He says that if only a certain obstacle be removed—say a wealthy uncle—he is then prepared to accept the universe and to praise God. He is a reformer, but not an anarchist. He wishes to cleanse the edifice, but not to destroy it. But the evil philosopher is not trying to alter things, but to annihilate them. Yes, the modern world has retained all those parts of police work which are really oppressive and ignominious, the harrying of the poor, the spying upon the unfortunate. It has given up its more dignified work, the punishment of powerful traitors in the State and powerful heresiarchs in the Church. The moderns say we must not punish heretics. My only doubt is whether we have a right to punish anybody else.”
“True enough,” he exclaimed. “I’ve felt that way since I was a kid, but I could never put it into words. The typical criminal is a bad person, but at least he’s, in a sense, a potentially good person. He believes that if just one obstacle is removed—like a rich uncle—he would be ready to accept the world and praise God. He’s a reformer, not an anarchist. He wants to clean up the structure, not tear it down. But the evil philosopher isn’t trying to change things; he wants to destroy them. Yes, the modern world still has all those oppressive and shameful aspects of law enforcement, like exploiting the poor and spying on the unfortunate. It has abandoned its more honorable duties, like punishing powerful traitors in politics and influential heretics in the Church. Modern society says we shouldn’t punish heretics. My only question is whether we even have the right to punish anyone else.”
“But this is absurd!” cried the policeman, clasping his hands with an excitement uncommon in persons of his figure and costume, “but it is intolerable! I don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re wasting your life. You must, you shall, join our special army against anarchy. Their armies are on our frontiers. Their bolt is ready to fall. A moment more, and you may lose the glory of working with us, perhaps the glory of dying with the last heroes of the world.”
“But this is ridiculous!” shouted the policeman, holding his hands together with an excitement rare for someone in his uniform, “but it’s unacceptable! I don’t know what you’re doing, but you’re wasting your life. You have to, you must, join our special forces against chaos. Their armies are at our borders. Their strike is about to happen. Just a moment more, and you could miss the chance to work with us, maybe even the chance to die alongside the last heroes of the world.”
“It is a chance not to be missed, certainly,” assented Syme, “but still I do not quite understand. I know as well as anybody that the modern world is full of lawless little men and mad little movements. But, beastly as they are, they generally have the one merit of disagreeing with each other. How can you talk of their leading one army or hurling one bolt. What is this anarchy?”
“It’s definitely an opportunity we shouldn’t overlook,” Syme agreed, “but I still don’t fully get it. I know just as well as anyone that today’s world is filled with lawless little guys and crazy little movements. But as terrible as they are, they usually have the one advantage of not agreeing with each other. How can you say they’re all leading one army or throwing one strike? What is this chaos?”
“Do not confuse it,” replied the constable, “with those chance dynamite outbreaks from Russia or from Ireland, which are really the outbreaks of oppressed, if mistaken, men. This is a vast philosophic movement, consisting of an outer and an inner ring. You might even call the outer ring the laity and the inner ring the priesthood. I prefer to call the outer ring the innocent section, the inner ring the supremely guilty section. The outer ring—the main mass of their supporters—are merely anarchists; that is, men who believe that rules and formulas have destroyed human happiness. They believe that all the evil results of human crime are the results of the system that has called it crime. They do not believe that the crime creates the punishment. They believe that the punishment has created the crime. They believe that if a man seduced seven women he would naturally walk away as blameless as the flowers of spring. They believe that if a man picked a pocket he would naturally feel exquisitely good. These I call the innocent section.”
“Don’t mix it up,” replied the constable, “with those random explosions from Russia or Ireland, which are really just the actions of oppressed, albeit misguided, people. This is a huge philosophical movement, made up of an outer and an inner circle. You could call the outer circle the laypeople and the inner circle the elite. Personally, I prefer to think of the outer circle as the innocent group and the inner circle as the ones truly at fault. The outer circle—the majority of their supporters—are simply anarchists; they believe that laws and rules have ruined human happiness. They think that all the negative consequences of human wrongdoing stem from the system that labels it as crime. They don’t believe that crime leads to punishment. Instead, they believe that punishment leads to crime. They think that if a man seduced seven women, he would walk away just as innocent as the flowers of spring. They believe that if a man stole, he would naturally feel great about it. I refer to these as the innocent group.”
“Oh!” said Syme.
“Oh!” Syme exclaimed.
“Naturally, therefore, these people talk about ‘a happy time coming’; ‘the paradise of the future’; ‘mankind freed from the bondage of vice and the bondage of virtue,’ and so on. And so also the men of the inner circle speak—the sacred priesthood. They also speak to applauding crowds of the happiness of the future, and of mankind freed at last. But in their mouths”—and the policeman lowered his voice—“in their mouths these happy phrases have a horrible meaning. They are under no illusions; they are too intellectual to think that man upon this earth can ever be quite free of original sin and the struggle. And they mean death. When they say that mankind shall be free at last, they mean that mankind shall commit suicide. When they talk of a paradise without right or wrong, they mean the grave.
“Of course, these people talk about ‘a happy time ahead’; ‘the paradise of the future’; ‘humanity free from the chains of vice and the chains of virtue,’ and so on. The men of the inner circle, the sacred priesthood, speak the same way. They address enthusiastic crowds about the happiness of the future and humanity finally being free. But in their words”—and the policeman lowered his voice—“in their words, these happy phrases have a terrifying meaning. They aren’t fooling themselves; they’re too smart to believe that people on this earth can ever be completely free of original sin and struggle. And they mean death. When they say that humanity shall be free at last, they mean that humanity shall end its own life. When they talk about a paradise without right or wrong, they mean the grave.”
“They have but two objects, to destroy first humanity and then themselves. That is why they throw bombs instead of firing pistols. The innocent rank and file are disappointed because the bomb has not killed the king; but the high-priesthood are happy because it has killed somebody.”
“They have only two goals: to destroy humanity first and then themselves. That’s why they use bombs instead of guns. The ordinary people are let down because the bomb didn’t kill the king, but the leaders are pleased because it did kill someone.”
“How can I join you?” asked Syme, with a sort of passion.
“How can I join you?” Syme asked with a kind of passion.
“I know for a fact that there is a vacancy at the moment,” said the policeman, “as I have the honour to be somewhat in the confidence of the chief of whom I have spoken. You should really come and see him. Or rather, I should not say see him, nobody ever sees him; but you can talk to him if you like.”
“I know for sure that there's an opening right now,” said the policeman, “because I'm somewhat in the confidence of the chief I just mentioned. You really should come and talk to him. Or actually, I shouldn’t say talk to him, because nobody ever really talks to him; but you can if you want.”
“Telephone?” inquired Syme, with interest.
"Phone?" Syme asked, interested.
“No,” said the policeman placidly, “he has a fancy for always sitting in a pitch-dark room. He says it makes his thoughts brighter. Do come along.”
“No,” said the policeman calmly, “he likes to sit in a completely dark room. He says it helps his thoughts become clearer. Come on.”
Somewhat dazed and considerably excited, Syme allowed himself to be led to a side-door in the long row of buildings of Scotland Yard. Almost before he knew what he was doing, he had been passed through the hands of about four intermediate officials, and was suddenly shown into a room, the abrupt blackness of which startled him like a blaze of light. It was not the ordinary darkness, in which forms can be faintly traced; it was like going suddenly stone-blind.
Somewhat dazed and quite excited, Syme let himself be led to a side door in the long line of buildings at Scotland Yard. Almost before he realized what was happening, he had been passed through the hands of about four different officials and was suddenly shown into a room, the sudden darkness of which shocked him like a burst of light. It wasn’t the usual darkness where shapes can be vaguely seen; it was like becoming completely blind all at once.
“Are you the new recruit?” asked a heavy voice.
“Are you the new recruit?” a deep voice asked.
And in some strange way, though there was not the shadow of a shape in the gloom, Syme knew two things: first, that it came from a man of massive stature; and second, that the man had his back to him.
And in a strange way, even though there was no shape in the dark, Syme knew two things: first, that it was a man of large size; and second, that the man had his back to him.
“Are you the new recruit?” said the invisible chief, who seemed to have heard all about it. “All right. You are engaged.”
“Are you the new recruit?” asked the unseen chief, who seemed to know everything about it. “Alright. You're hired.”
Syme, quite swept off his feet, made a feeble fight against this irrevocable phrase.
Syme, completely taken aback, put up a weak resistance to this permanent statement.
“I really have no experience,” he began.
“I really have no experience,” he said.
“No one has any experience,” said the other, “of the Battle of Armageddon.”
“No one has any experience,” said the other, “of the Battle of Armageddon.”
“But I am really unfit—”
“But I’m really out of shape—”
“You are willing, that is enough,” said the unknown.
"You’re willing, and that’s all that matters," said the stranger.
“Well, really,” said Syme, “I don’t know any profession of which mere willingness is the final test.”
“Well, honestly,” said Syme, “I don’t know of any profession where just being willing is the ultimate test.”
“I do,” said the other—“martyrs. I am condemning you to death. Good day.”
“I do,” said the other—“martyrs. I’m sentencing you to death. Have a nice day.”
Thus it was that when Gabriel Syme came out again into the crimson light of evening, in his shabby black hat and shabby, lawless cloak, he came out a member of the New Detective Corps for the frustration of the great conspiracy. Acting under the advice of his friend the policeman (who was professionally inclined to neatness), he trimmed his hair and beard, bought a good hat, clad himself in an exquisite summer suit of light blue-grey, with a pale yellow flower in the button-hole, and, in short, became that elegant and rather insupportable person whom Gregory had first encountered in the little garden of Saffron Park. Before he finally left the police premises his friend provided him with a small blue card, on which was written, “The Last Crusade,” and a number, the sign of his official authority. He put this carefully in his upper waistcoat pocket, lit a cigarette, and went forth to track and fight the enemy in all the drawing-rooms of London. Where his adventure ultimately led him we have already seen. At about half-past one on a February night he found himself steaming in a small tug up the silent Thames, armed with swordstick and revolver, the duly elected Thursday of the Central Council of Anarchists.
So it was that when Gabriel Syme stepped back into the red glow of evening, wearing his worn black hat and tattered cloak, he emerged as a member of the New Detective Corps dedicated to thwarting a major conspiracy. Following the suggestion of his neat-freak police friend, he got a haircut and shaved, bought a nice hat, dressed in a stylish light blue-grey summer suit, and pinned a pale yellow flower to his lapel, transforming into that dapper and somewhat unbearable person whom Gregory had first met in the small garden of Saffron Park. Before he left the police station, his friend gave him a small blue card that read “The Last Crusade” along with a number to signify his official authority. He tucked it carefully into his waistcoat pocket, lit a cigarette, and set out to track down and confront the enemy in all the drawing rooms of London. Where his adventure eventually took him, we have already seen. At around 1:30 on a February night, he found himself chugging along the quiet Thames in a small tugboat, armed with a swordstick and a revolver, as the officially appointed Thursday of the Central Council of Anarchists.
When Syme stepped out on to the steam-tug he had a singular sensation of stepping out into something entirely new; not merely into the landscape of a new land, but even into the landscape of a new planet. This was mainly due to the insane yet solid decision of that evening, though partly also to an entire change in the weather and the sky since he entered the little tavern some two hours before. Every trace of the passionate plumage of the cloudy sunset had been swept away, and a naked moon stood in a naked sky. The moon was so strong and full that (by a paradox often to be noticed) it seemed like a weaker sun. It gave, not the sense of bright moonshine, but rather of a dead daylight.
When Syme stepped onto the steam-tug, he felt a unique sensation of stepping into something totally new; not just the landscape of a new country, but even the terrain of a different planet. This was mainly because of the crazy yet firm decision he made that evening, but also due to the complete shift in the weather and the sky since he entered the small tavern about two hours earlier. Every trace of the vibrant colors of the cloudy sunset had disappeared, and a bare moon hung in an empty sky. The moon was so bright and full that, ironically, it seemed like a dimmer sun. It didn't give off the feeling of bright moonlight, but rather a kind of dead daylight.
Over the whole landscape lay a luminous and unnatural discoloration, as of that disastrous twilight which Milton spoke of as shed by the sun in eclipse; so that Syme fell easily into his first thought, that he was actually on some other and emptier planet, which circled round some sadder star. But the more he felt this glittering desolation in the moonlit land, the more his own chivalric folly glowed in the night like a great fire. Even the common things he carried with him—the food and the brandy and the loaded pistol—took on exactly that concrete and material poetry which a child feels when he takes a gun upon a journey or a bun with him to bed. The sword-stick and the brandy-flask, though in themselves only the tools of morbid conspirators, became the expressions of his own more healthy romance. The sword-stick became almost the sword of chivalry, and the brandy the wine of the stirrup-cup. For even the most dehumanised modern fantasies depend on some older and simpler figure; the adventures may be mad, but the adventurer must be sane. The dragon without St. George would not even be grotesque. So this inhuman landscape was only imaginative by the presence of a man really human. To Syme’s exaggerative mind the bright, bleak houses and terraces by the Thames looked as empty as the mountains of the moon. But even the moon is only poetical because there is a man in the moon.
Across the entire landscape lay a strange, glowing discoloration, reminiscent of that disastrous twilight Milton described during a solar eclipse; so Syme easily slipped into his first thought that he was on some other, emptier planet orbiting a sadder star. Yet, the more he sensed the glittering desolation in the moonlit land, the more his own chivalric foolishness shone in the night like a massive fire. Even the ordinary things he carried with him—the food, the brandy, and the loaded pistol—gained that tangible and material poetry a child feels when they bring a gun on a journey or a snack to bed. The sword-stick and the brandy flask, though merely tools for morbid conspirators, turned into symbols of his own healthier sense of adventure. The sword-stick almost transformed into a sword of chivalry, while the brandy became the wine for a stirrup-cup. After all, even the most dehumanizing modern fantasies rely on some older and simpler archetype; the adventures may be wild, but the adventurer must remain sane. A dragon without St. George would just be a joke. Thus, this inhuman landscape was only imaginative because it was inhabited by a genuinely human being. To Syme’s imaginative mind, the bright, bare houses and terraces by the Thames appeared as empty as the mountains on the moon. But even the moon only holds poetic value because it is associated with the idea of a man in the moon.
The tug was worked by two men, and with much toil went comparatively slowly. The clear moon that had lit up Chiswick had gone down by the time that they passed Battersea, and when they came under the enormous bulk of Westminster day had already begun to break. It broke like the splitting of great bars of lead, showing bars of silver; and these had brightened like white fire when the tug, changing its onward course, turned inward to a large landing stage rather beyond Charing Cross.
The tug was operated by two men and moved relatively slowly with a lot of effort. The clear moon that had illuminated Chiswick was gone by the time they passed Battersea, and as they went under the massive structure of Westminster, day had already begun to dawn. It broke like the shattering of large bars of lead, revealing streaks of silver; these sparkled like white fire when the tug, changing direction, turned toward a big landing stage just past Charing Cross.
The great stones of the Embankment seemed equally dark and gigantic as Syme looked up at them. They were big and black against the huge white dawn. They made him feel that he was landing on the colossal steps of some Egyptian palace; and, indeed, the thing suited his mood, for he was, in his own mind, mounting to attack the solid thrones of horrible and heathen kings. He leapt out of the boat on to one slimy step, and stood, a dark and slender figure, amid the enormous masonry. The two men in the tug put her off again and turned up stream. They had never spoken a word.
The massive stones of the Embankment looked both dark and enormous as Syme gazed up at them. They appeared big and black against the vast white dawn. It felt like he was stepping onto the monumental steps of some ancient Egyptian palace; in fact, it matched his mood perfectly, as he envisioned himself preparing to confront the solid thrones of terrifying and pagan kings. He jumped out of the boat onto one slimy step, standing as a dark and slender figure amid the massive stonework. The two men in the tug pushed off again and headed upstream. They hadn’t exchanged a single word.
CHAPTER V.
THE FEAST OF FEAR
At first the large stone stair seemed to Syme as deserted as a pyramid; but before he reached the top he had realised that there was a man leaning over the parapet of the Embankment and looking out across the river. As a figure he was quite conventional, clad in a silk hat and frock-coat of the more formal type of fashion; he had a red flower in his buttonhole. As Syme drew nearer to him step by step, he did not even move a hair; and Syme could come close enough to notice even in the dim, pale morning light that his face was long, pale and intellectual, and ended in a small triangular tuft of dark beard at the very point of the chin, all else being clean-shaven. This scrap of hair almost seemed a mere oversight; the rest of the face was of the type that is best shaven—clear-cut, ascetic, and in its way noble. Syme drew closer and closer, noting all this, and still the figure did not stir.
At first, the large stone staircase felt to Syme as abandoned as a pyramid; but by the time he reached the top, he realized there was a man leaning over the railing of the Embankment, looking out at the river. In terms of appearance, he was quite typical, dressed in a silk hat and formal frock coat; he had a red flower in his buttonhole. As Syme approached him step by step, the man didn’t even flinch. Syme got close enough to see, even in the dim, pale morning light, that the man's face was long, pale, and intellectual, tapering into a small triangular tuft of dark beard at the very tip of his chin, with everything else clean-shaven. This small patch of hair almost seemed like an oversight; the rest of his face had the kind of features that are best clean-shaven—sharp, ascetic, and in its own way, noble. Syme moved closer and closer, observing all of this, and still the figure didn’t move.
At first an instinct had told Syme that this was the man whom he was meant to meet. Then, seeing that the man made no sign, he had concluded that he was not. And now again he had come back to a certainty that the man had something to do with his mad adventure. For the man remained more still than would have been natural if a stranger had come so close. He was as motionless as a wax-work, and got on the nerves somewhat in the same way. Syme looked again and again at the pale, dignified and delicate face, and the face still looked blankly across the river. Then he took out of his pocket the note from Buttons proving his election, and put it before that sad and beautiful face. Then the man smiled, and his smile was a shock, for it was all on one side, going up in the right cheek and down in the left.
At first, Syme had a gut feeling that this was the person he was supposed to meet. Then, noticing that the man showed no reaction, he thought he was wrong. But now, he was back to being sure that the man was connected to his crazy adventure. The man stood so still that it felt unnatural for a stranger to be so near. He was as motionless as a mannequin, and it was unsettling in a similar way. Syme kept glancing at the pale, dignified, and delicate face, which continued to stare blankly across the river. Then he took the note from Buttons out of his pocket, proving his election, and placed it in front of that sad and beautiful face. The man then smiled, and his smile was surprising; it was all lopsided, with one side going up in the right cheek and down in the left.
There was nothing, rationally speaking, to scare anyone about this. Many people have this nervous trick of a crooked smile, and in many it is even attractive. But in all Syme’s circumstances, with the dark dawn and the deadly errand and the loneliness on the great dripping stones, there was something unnerving in it.
There was nothing, logically speaking, to frighten anyone about this. Many people have this nervous habit of a crooked smile, and for many, it can even be appealing. But in Syme’s situation, with the gloomy dawn, the dangerous task, and the isolation on the large, wet stones, there was something unsettling about it.
There was the silent river and the silent man, a man of even classic face. And there was the last nightmare touch that his smile suddenly went wrong.
There was the quiet river and the quiet man, a man with a timeless face. And there was the final chilling moment when his smile suddenly faltered.
The spasm of smile was instantaneous, and the man’s face dropped at once into its harmonious melancholy. He spoke without further explanation or inquiry, like a man speaking to an old colleague.
The smile came quickly, and the man’s expression immediately turned into a balanced sadness. He spoke without needing to explain or ask anything more, like someone talking to an old friend.
“If we walk up towards Leicester Square,” he said, “we shall just be in time for breakfast. Sunday always insists on an early breakfast. Have you had any sleep?”
“If we head up towards Leicester Square,” he said, “we’ll just make it in time for breakfast. Sunday always calls for an early breakfast. Have you gotten any sleep?”
“No,” said Syme.
“No,” Syme replied.
“Nor have I,” answered the man in an ordinary tone. “I shall try to get to bed after breakfast.”
“Me neither,” replied the man casually. “I’ll try to get to bed after breakfast.”
He spoke with casual civility, but in an utterly dead voice that contradicted the fanaticism of his face. It seemed almost as if all friendly words were to him lifeless conveniences, and that his only life was hate. After a pause the man spoke again.
He talked with a laid-back politeness, but in a completely emotionless tone that clashed with the intensity of his face. It felt like all friendly words were just empty gestures to him, and that his only true emotion was hate. After a moment, the man spoke again.
“Of course, the Secretary of the branch told you everything that can be told. But the one thing that can never be told is the last notion of the President, for his notions grow like a tropical forest. So in case you don’t know, I’d better tell you that he is carrying out his notion of concealing ourselves by not concealing ourselves to the most extraordinary lengths just now. Originally, of course, we met in a cell underground, just as your branch does. Then Sunday made us take a private room at an ordinary restaurant. He said that if you didn’t seem to be hiding nobody hunted you out. Well, he is the only man on earth, I know; but sometimes I really think that his huge brain is going a little mad in its old age. For now we flaunt ourselves before the public. We have our breakfast on a balcony—on a balcony, if you please—overlooking Leicester Square.”
“Of course, the branch Secretary told you everything that can be shared. But the one thing that can never be revealed is the President's final idea, because his thoughts grow like a tropical rainforest. So just in case you don’t know, I should mention that he’s taking his approach of hiding by not hiding ourselves to the most extreme lengths right now. Initially, we met in an underground cell, just like your branch does. Then on Sunday, he made us book a private room at a regular restaurant. He said that if you don’t look like you’re hiding, no one will look for you. Well, he’s the only person I know who thinks this way; but sometimes I really feel like his massive brain is losing it a bit in its old age. Because now we’re openly visible to the public. We have our breakfast on a balcony—on a balcony, if you can believe it—overlooking Leicester Square.”
“And what do the people say?” asked Syme.
“And what are people saying?” asked Syme.
“It’s quite simple what they say,” answered his guide. “They say we are a lot of jolly gentlemen who pretend they are anarchists.”
“It’s pretty straightforward what they say,” replied his guide. “They say we’re just a bunch of cheerful guys pretending to be anarchists.”
“It seems to me a very clever idea,” said Syme.
“It seems to me like a really clever idea,” said Syme.
“Clever! God blast your impudence! Clever!” cried out the other in a sudden, shrill voice which was as startling and discordant as his crooked smile. “When you’ve seen Sunday for a split second you’ll leave off calling him clever.”
“Clever! Damn your boldness! Clever!” shouted the other in a sudden, sharp voice that was as surprising and jarring as his crooked smile. “Once you’ve seen Sunday for just a moment, you’ll stop calling him clever.”
With this they emerged out of a narrow street, and saw the early sunlight filling Leicester Square. It will never be known, I suppose, why this square itself should look so alien and in some ways so continental. It will never be known whether it was the foreign look that attracted the foreigners or the foreigners who gave it the foreign look. But on this particular morning the effect seemed singularly bright and clear. Between the open square and the sunlit leaves and the statue and the Saracenic outlines of the Alhambra, it looked the replica of some French or even Spanish public place. And this effect increased in Syme the sensation, which in many shapes he had had through the whole adventure, the eerie sensation of having strayed into a new world. As a fact, he had bought bad cigars round Leicester Square ever since he was a boy. But as he turned that corner, and saw the trees and the Moorish cupolas, he could have sworn that he was turning into an unknown Place de something or other in some foreign town.
With that, they stepped out of a narrow street and saw the early sunlight shining on Leicester Square. It’s hard to say why this square feels so foreign and, in some ways, so European. We can’t tell if it was the square’s foreign vibe that attracted tourists or if the tourists gave it that vibe. But on this particular morning, everything looked especially bright and clear. Between the open square, the sunlit leaves, the statue, and the Moorish shapes of the Alhambra, it resembled a public space in France or even Spain. This made Syme feel, once again, the strange sensation he had experienced throughout the adventure—the feeling of having wandered into a new world. In reality, he had been buying bad cigars around Leicester Square since he was a kid. But as he turned that corner and saw the trees and the Moorish domes, he could have sworn he was stepping into an unknown Place de something in some foreign town.
At one corner of the square there projected a kind of angle of a prosperous but quiet hotel, the bulk of which belonged to a street behind. In the wall there was one large French window, probably the window of a large coffee-room; and outside this window, almost literally overhanging the square, was a formidably buttressed balcony, big enough to contain a dining-table. In fact, it did contain a dining-table, or more strictly a breakfast-table; and round the breakfast-table, glowing in the sunlight and evident to the street, were a group of noisy and talkative men, all dressed in the insolence of fashion, with white waistcoats and expensive button-holes. Some of their jokes could almost be heard across the square. Then the grave Secretary gave his unnatural smile, and Syme knew that this boisterous breakfast party was the secret conclave of the European Dynamiters.
At one corner of the square jutted out a charming angle of a successful but quiet hotel, most of which faced a street behind it. On the wall, there was a large French window, likely belonging to a spacious coffee room; and just outside this window, practically overhanging the square, was an impressively supported balcony, large enough for a dining table. In fact, it had a dining table, or more accurately, a breakfast table; and around this breakfast table, shining in the sunlight and clearly visible from the street, was a group of loud and chatty men, all dressed in the height of fashion, flaunting white waistcoats and pricey buttonholes. Some of their jokes could nearly be heard across the square. Then the serious Secretary flashed his unnerving smile, and Syme realized that this noisy breakfast gathering was the secret meeting of the European Dynamiters.
Then, as Syme continued to stare at them, he saw something that he had not seen before. He had not seen it literally because it was too large to see. At the nearest end of the balcony, blocking up a great part of the perspective, was the back of a great mountain of a man. When Syme had seen him, his first thought was that the weight of him must break down the balcony of stone. His vastness did not lie only in the fact that he was abnormally tall and quite incredibly fat. This man was planned enormously in his original proportions, like a statue carved deliberately as colossal. His head, crowned with white hair, as seen from behind looked bigger than a head ought to be. The ears that stood out from it looked larger than human ears. He was enlarged terribly to scale; and this sense of size was so staggering, that when Syme saw him all the other figures seemed quite suddenly to dwindle and become dwarfish. They were still sitting there as before with their flowers and frock-coats, but now it looked as if the big man was entertaining five children to tea.
Then, as Syme kept staring at them, he noticed something he hadn’t seen before. He hadn't seen it literally because it was too big to miss. At the nearest end of the balcony, blocking a huge part of the view, was the back of an enormous man. When Syme spotted him, his first thought was that the weight of this guy must break the stone balcony. His size wasn't just because he was abnormally tall and really, incredibly heavy. This man was built on such a grand scale, like a statue intentionally made to be colossal. His head, topped with white hair, looked massive from behind, much bigger than a normal head. His ears, sticking out, appeared larger than typical human ears. He was exaggeratedly oversized; and this overwhelming sense of scale was so shocking that when Syme saw him, all the other figures suddenly seemed to shrink and look tiny. They were still sitting there as before with their flowers and smart jackets, but now it felt like the big man was hosting five kids for tea.
As Syme and the guide approached the side door of the hotel, a waiter came out smiling with every tooth in his head.
As Syme and the guide walked up to the side door of the hotel, a waiter came out grinning from ear to ear.
“The gentlemen are up there, sare,” he said. “They do talk and they do laugh at what they talk. They do say they will throw bombs at ze king.”
“The gentlemen are up there, sir,” he said. “They talk and laugh about what they say. They say they will throw bombs at the king.”
And the waiter hurried away with a napkin over his arm, much pleased with the singular frivolity of the gentlemen upstairs.
And the waiter rushed off with a napkin over his arm, quite amused by the unusual antics of the gentlemen upstairs.
The two men mounted the stairs in silence.
The two men climbed the stairs quietly.
Syme had never thought of asking whether the monstrous man who almost filled and broke the balcony was the great President of whom the others stood in awe. He knew it was so, with an unaccountable but instantaneous certainty. Syme, indeed, was one of those men who are open to all the more nameless psychological influences in a degree a little dangerous to mental health. Utterly devoid of fear in physical dangers, he was a great deal too sensitive to the smell of spiritual evil. Twice already that night little unmeaning things had peeped out at him almost pruriently, and given him a sense of drawing nearer and nearer to the head-quarters of hell. And this sense became overpowering as he drew nearer to the great President.
Syme had never considered asking if the huge man who nearly filled and broke the balcony was the great President that everyone else respected. He knew it was true, with an unexplainable but immediate certainty. Syme was one of those people who are especially open to subtle psychological influences, which can be a bit risky for one’s mental health. Completely fearless when it came to physical dangers, he was far too sensitive to the presence of spiritual evil. Twice that night, trivial little things had poked at him almost inappropriately, giving him a sense of getting closer and closer to the very center of evil. And this feeling became overwhelming as he approached the great President.
The form it took was a childish and yet hateful fancy. As he walked across the inner room towards the balcony, the large face of Sunday grew larger and larger; and Syme was gripped with a fear that when he was quite close the face would be too big to be possible, and that he would scream aloud. He remembered that as a child he would not look at the mask of Memnon in the British Museum, because it was a face, and so large.
The way it appeared was a mix of childishness and deep hatred. As he made his way across the inner room toward the balcony, the massive face of Sunday seemed to grow larger and larger; Syme was filled with a fear that when he got close enough, the face would become impossibly big, and he would scream out loud. He recalled that as a kid, he avoided looking at the mask of Memnon in the British Museum because it was a face, and it was so enormous.
By an effort, braver than that of leaping over a cliff, he went to an empty seat at the breakfast-table and sat down. The men greeted him with good-humoured raillery as if they had always known him. He sobered himself a little by looking at their conventional coats and solid, shining coffee-pot; then he looked again at Sunday. His face was very large, but it was still possible to humanity.
With a greater effort than jumping off a cliff, he walked to an empty seat at the breakfast table and sat down. The men welcomed him with light-hearted teasing as if they had always known him. He became a bit more serious as he looked at their formal jackets and the sturdy, shiny coffee pot; then he glanced back at Sunday. His face was quite large, but it still felt human.
In the presence of the President the whole company looked sufficiently commonplace; nothing about them caught the eye at first, except that by the President’s caprice they had been dressed up with a festive respectability, which gave the meal the look of a wedding breakfast. One man indeed stood out at even a superficial glance. He at least was the common or garden Dynamiter. He wore, indeed, the high white collar and satin tie that were the uniform of the occasion; but out of this collar there sprang a head quite unmanageable and quite unmistakable, a bewildering bush of brown hair and beard that almost obscured the eyes like those of a Skye terrier. But the eyes did look out of the tangle, and they were the sad eyes of some Russian serf. The effect of this figure was not terrible like that of the President, but it had every diablerie that can come from the utterly grotesque. If out of that stiff tie and collar there had come abruptly the head of a cat or a dog, it could not have been a more idiotic contrast.
In front of the President, the whole group seemed quite ordinary; nothing about them really stood out at first, except that, at the President’s whim, they had been dressed in a festive and respectable way, giving the meal the vibe of a wedding breakfast. However, one man definitely caught the eye even at a glance. He was the typical Dynamiter. He wore the high white collar and satin tie that were expected for the occasion, but from this collar sprang a wild and unmistakable head, a chaotic mass of brown hair and beard that almost hid his eyes, reminiscent of a Skye terrier. But his eyes shone through the mess, looking sad like those of a Russian serf. This figure didn’t have the frightening presence of the President, but it had all the strange charm that comes from something completely absurd. If a cat or dog had suddenly appeared from beneath that stiff tie and collar, it wouldn’t have created a more ridiculous contrast.
The man’s name, it seemed, was Gogol; he was a Pole, and in this circle of days he was called Tuesday. His soul and speech were incurably tragic; he could not force himself to play the prosperous and frivolous part demanded of him by President Sunday. And, indeed, when Syme came in the President, with that daring disregard of public suspicion which was his policy, was actually chaffing Gogol upon his inability to assume conventional graces.
The man’s name was Gogol; he was Polish, and in this group of days, they called him Tuesday. His soul and speech were hopelessly tragic; he couldn't make himself play the successful and carefree role that President Sunday expected of him. And, in fact, when Syme came in, the President, with his bold disregard for public suspicion—which was his approach—was actually teasing Gogol about his inability to adopt the usual social niceties.
“Our friend Tuesday,” said the President in a deep voice at once of quietude and volume, “our friend Tuesday doesn’t seem to grasp the idea. He dresses up like a gentleman, but he seems to be too great a soul to behave like one. He insists on the ways of the stage conspirator. Now if a gentleman goes about London in a top hat and a frock-coat, no one need know that he is an anarchist. But if a gentleman puts on a top hat and a frock-coat, and then goes about on his hands and knees—well, he may attract attention. That’s what Brother Gogol does. He goes about on his hands and knees with such inexhaustible diplomacy, that by this time he finds it quite difficult to walk upright.”
“Our friend Tuesday,” said the President in a deep voice that was both calm and commanding, “our friend Tuesday doesn’t seem to understand the point. He dresses like a gentleman, but he acts like he’s above it all. He insists on the methods of a stage conspirator. Now, if a gentleman walks around London in a top hat and a frock coat, no one needs to know he’s an anarchist. But if a gentleman wears a top hat and a frock coat and then crawls around on his hands and knees—well, that’s bound to grab some attention. That’s what Brother Gogol does. He crawls around on his hands and knees with such endless finesse that by now, he finds it pretty hard to walk upright.”
“I am not good at concealment,” said Gogol sulkily, with a thick foreign accent; “I am not ashamed of the cause.”
“I’m not good at hiding things,” Gogol said sulkily, with a strong foreign accent; “I’m not ashamed of the reason.”
“Yes you are, my boy, and so is the cause of you,” said the President good-naturedly. “You hide as much as anybody; but you can’t do it, you see, you’re such an ass! You try to combine two inconsistent methods. When a householder finds a man under his bed, he will probably pause to note the circumstance. But if he finds a man under his bed in a top hat, you will agree with me, my dear Tuesday, that he is not likely even to forget it. Now when you were found under Admiral Biffin’s bed—”
“Yes, you are, my boy, and so is the reason for it,” the President said good-naturedly. “You hide just like anyone else; but you can’t pull it off, you know, you’re such a fool! You’re trying to mix two contradictory methods. When a homeowner finds a man under his bed, he’s probably going to stop and take note of it. But if he sees a guy under his bed wearing a top hat, you’ll agree with me, my dear Tuesday, that he’s not likely to forget it. Now, when you were discovered under Admiral Biffin’s bed—”
“I am not good at deception,” said Tuesday gloomily, flushing.
“I’m not great at lying,” Tuesday said glumly, blushing.
“Right, my boy, right,” said the President with a ponderous heartiness, “you aren’t good at anything.”
“That's right, my boy, that’s right,” said the President with a heavy heartiness, “you’re not good at anything.”
While this stream of conversation continued, Syme was looking more steadily at the men around him. As he did so, he gradually felt all his sense of something spiritually queer return.
While the conversation went on, Syme focused more intently on the men around him. As he did, he slowly sensed that familiar feeling of something spiritually odd returning.
He had thought at first that they were all of common stature and costume, with the evident exception of the hairy Gogol. But as he looked at the others, he began to see in each of them exactly what he had seen in the man by the river, a demoniac detail somewhere. That lop-sided laugh, which would suddenly disfigure the fine face of his original guide, was typical of all these types. Each man had something about him, perceived perhaps at the tenth or twentieth glance, which was not normal, and which seemed hardly human. The only metaphor he could think of was this, that they all looked as men of fashion and presence would look, with the additional twist given in a false and curved mirror.
He initially thought that they all looked average in height and clothing, except for the hairy Gogol. But as he examined the others, he began to see in each of them exactly what he had noticed in the man by the river—a disturbing detail hidden within. That crooked laugh, which would suddenly alter the attractive face of his original guide, was typical of all these individuals. Each man had something about him, noticed perhaps after the tenth or twentieth glance, that was unusual and seemed almost inhuman. The only comparison he could come up with was that they all appeared like fashionable men with a certain style, but with the added distortion you'd see in a warped mirror.
Only the individual examples will express this half-concealed eccentricity. Syme’s original cicerone bore the title of Monday; he was the Secretary of the Council, and his twisted smile was regarded with more terror than anything, except the President’s horrible, happy laughter. But now that Syme had more space and light to observe him, there were other touches. His fine face was so emaciated, that Syme thought it must be wasted with some disease; yet somehow the very distress of his dark eyes denied this. It was no physical ill that troubled him. His eyes were alive with intellectual torture, as if pure thought was pain.
Only the individual examples will reveal this partly hidden eccentricity. Syme's original guide was named Monday; he was the Secretary of the Council, and his twisted smile inspired more fear than anything else, except for the President's awful, gleeful laughter. But now that Syme had more space and light to observe him, there were other details. His distinguished face was so gaunt that Syme thought it must be wasted away by some illness; yet somehow the deep distress in his dark eyes contradicted this. It wasn't a physical ailment that troubled him. His eyes were filled with intellectual suffering, as if pure thought was painful.
He was typical of each of the tribe; each man was subtly and differently wrong. Next to him sat Tuesday, the tousle-headed Gogol, a man more obviously mad. Next was Wednesday, a certain Marquis de St. Eustache, a sufficiently characteristic figure. The first few glances found nothing unusual about him, except that he was the only man at table who wore the fashionable clothes as if they were really his own. He had a black French beard cut square and a black English frock-coat cut even squarer. But Syme, sensitive to such things, felt somehow that the man carried a rich atmosphere with him, a rich atmosphere that suffocated. It reminded one irrationally of drowsy odours and of dying lamps in the darker poems of Byron and Poe. With this went a sense of his being clad, not in lighter colours, but in softer materials; his black seemed richer and warmer than the black shades about him, as if it were compounded of profound colour. His black coat looked as if it were only black by being too dense a purple. His black beard looked as if it were only black by being too deep a blue. And in the gloom and thickness of the beard his dark red mouth showed sensual and scornful. Whatever he was he was not a Frenchman; he might be a Jew; he might be something deeper yet in the dark heart of the East. In the bright coloured Persian tiles and pictures showing tyrants hunting, you may see just those almond eyes, those blue-black beards, those cruel, crimson lips.
He was typical of all the tribe; each man had his own subtle and unique flaws. Next to him sat Tuesday, the messy-haired Gogol, who was more obviously insane. Then there was Wednesday, a certain Marquis de St. Eustache, a rather standard figure. At first glance, there was nothing unusual about him, except that he was the only man at the table who wore his fashionable clothes as if they truly belonged to him. He sported a square-cut black French beard and an equally tailored black English frock coat. But Syme, sensitive to such details, felt that the man had a heavy air about him, an atmosphere that was stifling. It irrationally reminded him of lazy scents and dying lamps in the darker poems of Byron and Poe. Along with this came a sense that he was dressed, not in lighter colors, but in softer fabrics; his black seemed richer and warmer than the other blacks around him, as if it was made of deep color. His black coat appeared to be only black because it was actually a very dense purple. His black beard seemed as if it were only black because it had a deep blue tone. And in the gloom and thickness of his beard, his dark red mouth appeared sensual and mocking. Whatever he was, he wasn’t a Frenchman; he could be a Jew; he might even be something more profound from the dark heart of the East. In the brightly colored Persian tiles and images depicting tyrants hunting, you might recognize those almond-shaped eyes, those blue-black beards, those cruel, crimson lips.
Then came Syme, and next a very old man, Professor de Worms, who still kept the chair of Friday, though every day it was expected that his death would leave it empty. Save for his intellect, he was in the last dissolution of senile decay. His face was as grey as his long grey beard, his forehead was lifted and fixed finally in a furrow of mild despair. In no other case, not even that of Gogol, did the bridegroom brilliancy of the morning dress express a more painful contrast. For the red flower in his button-hole showed up against a face that was literally discoloured like lead; the whole hideous effect was as if some drunken dandies had put their clothes upon a corpse. When he rose or sat down, which was with long labour and peril, something worse was expressed than mere weakness, something indefinably connected with the horror of the whole scene. It did not express decrepitude merely, but corruption. Another hateful fancy crossed Syme’s quivering mind. He could not help thinking that whenever the man moved a leg or arm might fall off.
Then Syme came in, followed by a very old man, Professor de Worms, who still held the position of Friday, even though every day people expected his death would leave it vacant. Aside from his sharp mind, he was in the final stages of old age’s decay. His face was as gray as his long gray beard, and his forehead was permanently creased in a look of mild despair. In no other situation, not even with Gogol, did the bright morning attire stand out as painfully. The red flower in his buttonhole contrasted starkly against a face that was literally as discolored as lead; the whole shocking scene looked like some drunken dandy had dressed a corpse. When he stood up or sat down, which took a lot of effort and was precarious, it expressed something worse than mere weakness, something tied to the horror of the entire situation. It didn’t just show decrepitude, but corruption. Another disturbing thought crossed Syme’s trembling mind. He couldn’t shake the feeling that whenever the man moved, a leg or arm might drop off.
Right at the end sat the man called Saturday, the simplest and the most baffling of all. He was a short, square man with a dark, square face clean-shaven, a medical practitioner going by the name of Bull. He had that combination of savoir-faire with a sort of well-groomed coarseness which is not uncommon in young doctors. He carried his fine clothes with confidence rather than ease, and he mostly wore a set smile. There was nothing whatever odd about him, except that he wore a pair of dark, almost opaque spectacles. It may have been merely a crescendo of nervous fancy that had gone before, but those black discs were dreadful to Syme; they reminded him of half-remembered ugly tales, of some story about pennies being put on the eyes of the dead. Syme’s eye always caught the black glasses and the blind grin. Had the dying Professor worn them, or even the pale Secretary, they would have been appropriate. But on the younger and grosser man they seemed only an enigma. They took away the key of the face. You could not tell what his smile or his gravity meant. Partly from this, and partly because he had a vulgar virility wanting in most of the others it seemed to Syme that he might be the wickedest of all those wicked men. Syme even had the thought that his eyes might be covered up because they were too frightful to see.
Right at the end sat the man called Saturday, the simplest yet most confusing of all. He was a short, stocky man with a dark, square face and a clean shave, a doctor who went by the name of Bull. He had that mix of confidence and a kind of roughness that’s not uncommon in young doctors. He wore his fine clothes with confidence rather than comfort, and he usually had a fixed smile. There was nothing particularly unusual about him, except for the pair of dark, nearly opaque glasses he wore. It might have just been a buildup of anxious thoughts, but those black lenses were disturbing to Syme; they reminded him of half-remembered creepy stories, like the one about putting pennies on the eyes of the dead. Syme’s gaze was always drawn to the black glasses and the unseeing grin. If the dying Professor or even the pale Secretary had worn them, it would have made sense. But on this younger, bulkier man, they seemed like a riddle. They obscured the meaning of his face. You couldn’t tell what his smile or seriousness was about. Partly because of this, and partly due to a crude masculinity that was lacking in most of the others, Syme felt that he might be the most wicked of all those wicked men. Syme even wondered if his eyes were hidden because they were too dreadful to look at.
CHAPTER VI.
THE EXPOSURE
Such were the six men who had sworn to destroy the world. Again and again Syme strove to pull together his common sense in their presence. Sometimes he saw for an instant that these notions were subjective, that he was only looking at ordinary men, one of whom was old, another nervous, another short-sighted. The sense of an unnatural symbolism always settled back on him again. Each figure seemed to be, somehow, on the borderland of things, just as their theory was on the borderland of thought. He knew that each one of these men stood at the extreme end, so to speak, of some wild road of reasoning. He could only fancy, as in some old-world fable, that if a man went westward to the end of the world he would find something—say a tree—that was more or less than a tree, a tree possessed by a spirit; and that if he went east to the end of the world he would find something else that was not wholly itself—a tower, perhaps, of which the very shape was wicked. So these figures seemed to stand up, violent and unaccountable, against an ultimate horizon, visions from the verge. The ends of the earth were closing in.
These were the six men who had vowed to destroy the world. Again and again, Syme struggled to gather his thoughts in their presence. Sometimes, he realized for a moment that these ideas were subjective, that he was just looking at regular guys—one of them was old, another was anxious, and another was short-sighted. But the feeling of something unnatural always returned to him. Each person seemed, somehow, to be on the edge of reality, just as their theory was on the edge of understanding. He knew that each of these men was at the far end, so to speak, of some crazy path of reasoning. He could only imagine, like in some ancient fable, that if a person traveled westward to the end of the world, they would find something—let's say a tree—that was more than just a tree, a tree with a spirit; and if they went east to the end of the world, they would find something else that wasn’t entirely itself—a tower, perhaps, whose very shape was evil. So these figures seemed to stand out, chaotic and inexplicable, against a distant horizon, visions from the edge. The ends of the earth were closing in.
Talk had been going on steadily as he took in the scene; and not the least of the contrasts of that bewildering breakfast-table was the contrast between the easy and unobtrusive tone of talk and its terrible purport. They were deep in the discussion of an actual and immediate plot. The waiter downstairs had spoken quite correctly when he said that they were talking about bombs and kings. Only three days afterwards the Czar was to meet the President of the French Republic in Paris, and over their bacon and eggs upon their sunny balcony these beaming gentlemen had decided how both should die. Even the instrument was chosen; the black-bearded Marquis, it appeared, was to carry the bomb.
Chat had been flowing steadily as he took in the scene, and one of the most striking contrasts at that confusing breakfast table was between the relaxed and casual conversation and its horrific subject matter. They were deeply engaged in discussing an actual and urgent conspiracy. The waiter downstairs had been spot on when he said they were talking about bombs and kings. Just three days later, the Czar was scheduled to meet the President of the French Republic in Paris, and over their bacon and eggs on their sunny balcony, these smiling gentlemen had decided how both would meet their end. Even the method was selected; it seemed the black-bearded Marquis was going to carry the bomb.
Ordinarily speaking, the proximity of this positive and objective crime would have sobered Syme, and cured him of all his merely mystical tremors. He would have thought of nothing but the need of saving at least two human bodies from being ripped in pieces with iron and roaring gas. But the truth was that by this time he had begun to feel a third kind of fear, more piercing and practical than either his moral revulsion or his social responsibility. Very simply, he had no fear to spare for the French President or the Czar; he had begun to fear for himself. Most of the talkers took little heed of him, debating now with their faces closer together, and almost uniformly grave, save when for an instant the smile of the Secretary ran aslant across his face as the jagged lightning runs aslant across the sky. But there was one persistent thing which first troubled Syme and at last terrified him. The President was always looking at him, steadily, and with a great and baffling interest. The enormous man was quite quiet, but his blue eyes stood out of his head. And they were always fixed on Syme.
Normally, the closeness of such a clear and objective threat would have calmed Syme down and made him forget all his mystical anxieties. He would have focused solely on the need to save at least two people from being torn apart by iron and roaring gas. But by this point, he had started to feel a third kind of fear, more intense and practical than his moral disgust or sense of social duty. Simply put, he had no concern to spare for the French President or the Czar; he had begun to worry about himself. Most of the others paid little attention to him, debating with their faces close together, almost uniformly serious, except for a brief moment when the Secretary's smile flickered across his face like jagged lightning cutting through the sky. However, there was one persistent thing that first unsettled Syme and eventually terrified him. The President was always staring at him, steadily and with intense, confusing interest. The massive man was completely still, but his blue eyes bulged out of his head. And they were always focused on Syme.
Syme felt moved to spring up and leap over the balcony. When the President’s eyes were on him he felt as if he were made of glass. He had hardly the shred of a doubt that in some silent and extraordinary way Sunday had found out that he was a spy. He looked over the edge of the balcony, and saw a policeman, standing abstractedly just beneath, staring at the bright railings and the sunlit trees.
Syme felt compelled to jump up and leap over the balcony. When the President was looking at him, he felt like he was made of glass. He hardly had a doubt that, in some quiet and incredible way, Sunday had discovered that he was a spy. He looked over the edge of the balcony and saw a policeman standing lost in thought right below, staring at the shiny railings and the sunlit trees.
Then there fell upon him the great temptation that was to torment him for many days. In the presence of these powerful and repulsive men, who were the princes of anarchy, he had almost forgotten the frail and fanciful figure of the poet Gregory, the mere aesthete of anarchism. He even thought of him now with an old kindness, as if they had played together when children. But he remembered that he was still tied to Gregory by a great promise. He had promised never to do the very thing that he now felt himself almost in the act of doing. He had promised not to jump over that balcony and speak to that policeman. He took his cold hand off the cold stone balustrade. His soul swayed in a vertigo of moral indecision. He had only to snap the thread of a rash vow made to a villainous society, and all his life could be as open and sunny as the square beneath him. He had, on the other hand, only to keep his antiquated honour, and be delivered inch by inch into the power of this great enemy of mankind, whose very intellect was a torture-chamber. Whenever he looked down into the square he saw the comfortable policeman, a pillar of common sense and common order. Whenever he looked back at the breakfast-table he saw the President still quietly studying him with big, unbearable eyes.
Then he faced a huge temptation that would bother him for days. Surrounded by these powerful and repulsive men, who were the leaders of chaos, he had almost forgotten the delicate and whimsical figure of the poet Gregory, who was just a dreamer when it came to anarchy. Now, he thought of him with a sense of old affection, as if they had played together as kids. But he remembered that he was still bound to Gregory by a serious promise. He had vowed never to do the very thing he now felt he was about to do. He had promised not to jump over that balcony and talk to that policeman. He removed his cold hand from the icy stone railing. His soul teetered in a dizzying conflict of moral doubt. He just had to break the thread of a reckless commitment made to a corrupt society, and his whole life could become as bright and cheerful as the square below him. On the other hand, he could choose to stick to his outdated sense of honor and gradually fall under the control of this great enemy of humanity, whose very mind felt like a torture chamber. Whenever he looked down into the square, he saw the reassuring policeman, a symbol of common sense and order. Whenever he glanced back at the breakfast table, he could see the President still studying him with those big, unbearable eyes.
In all the torrent of his thought there were two thoughts that never crossed his mind. First, it never occurred to him to doubt that the President and his Council could crush him if he continued to stand alone. The place might be public, the project might seem impossible. But Sunday was not the man who would carry himself thus easily without having, somehow or somewhere, set open his iron trap. Either by anonymous poison or sudden street accident, by hypnotism or by fire from hell, Sunday could certainly strike him. If he defied the man he was probably dead, either struck stiff there in his chair or long afterwards as by an innocent ailment. If he called in the police promptly, arrested everyone, told all, and set against them the whole energy of England, he would probably escape; certainly not otherwise. They were a balconyful of gentlemen overlooking a bright and busy square; but he felt no more safe with them than if they had been a boatful of armed pirates overlooking an empty sea.
In the whirlwind of his thoughts, there were two ideas that never entered his mind. First, he never doubted that the President and his Council could take him down if he kept standing alone. The location might be public, the undertaking might seem impossible. But Sunday wasn’t the type to just give in without having, somehow or somewhere, set his iron trap. Whether through anonymous poison, a sudden accident, mind control, or hellfire, Sunday could definitely take action against him. If he challenged the man, he was likely done for—either collapsing right there in his chair or later suffering from what appeared to be a harmless illness. If he quickly called the police, arrested everyone, spilled the details, and unleashed the full might of England against them, he might have a chance to survive; otherwise, he surely wouldn’t. They were a group of gentlemen watching over a bright, busy square, but he felt no safer with them than if they were a crew of armed pirates surveying an empty sea.
There was a second thought that never came to him. It never occurred to him to be spiritually won over to the enemy. Many moderns, inured to a weak worship of intellect and force, might have wavered in their allegiance under this oppression of a great personality. They might have called Sunday the super-man. If any such creature be conceivable, he looked, indeed, somewhat like it, with his earth-shaking abstraction, as of a stone statue walking. He might have been called something above man, with his large plans, which were too obvious to be detected, with his large face, which was too frank to be understood. But this was a kind of modern meanness to which Syme could not sink even in his extreme morbidity. Like any man, he was coward enough to fear great force; but he was not quite coward enough to admire it.
There was a second thought that never crossed his mind. It never occurred to him to be spiritually swayed by the enemy. Many people today, used to a superficial respect for intellect and power, might have wavered in their loyalty under the pressure of a strong personality. They might have called Sunday the super-man. If such a being could exist, he did look a bit like it, with his earth-shaking presence, like a stone statue walking. He could have been seen as something beyond human, with his grand plans that were too clear to be hidden, and his large face that was too honest to be misunderstood. But this was a kind of modern pettiness that Syme couldn’t sink to, even in his deepest gloom. Like any man, he was cowardly enough to fear great power; but he was not quite cowardly enough to admire it.
The men were eating as they talked, and even in this they were typical. Dr. Bull and the Marquis ate casually and conventionally of the best things on the table—cold pheasant or Strasbourg pie. But the Secretary was a vegetarian, and he spoke earnestly of the projected murder over half a raw tomato and three quarters of a glass of tepid water. The old Professor had such slops as suggested a sickening second childhood. And even in this President Sunday preserved his curious predominance of mere mass. For he ate like twenty men; he ate incredibly, with a frightful freshness of appetite, so that it was like watching a sausage factory. Yet continually, when he had swallowed a dozen crumpets or drunk a quart of coffee, he would be found with his great head on one side staring at Syme.
The men were eating as they talked, and even in this, they were typical. Dr. Bull and the Marquis enjoyed their meals casually and conventionally, choosing the best things on the table—cold pheasant or Strasbourg pie. But the Secretary was a vegetarian, and he talked passionately about the planned murder while picking at half a raw tomato and sipping three-quarters of a glass of lukewarm water. The old Professor had slops that hinted at a sad, second childhood. And even in this, President Sunday maintained his strange ability to dominate the scene. He ate like twenty men; he ate unbelievably, with a terrifying appetite that made it look like a sausage factory in motion. Yet, after polishing off a dozen crumpets or a quart of coffee, he would often be found with his large head tilted to one side, staring at Syme.
“I have often wondered,” said the Marquis, taking a great bite out of a slice of bread and jam, “whether it wouldn’t be better for me to do it with a knife. Most of the best things have been brought off with a knife. And it would be a new emotion to get a knife into a French President and wriggle it round.”
“I've often thought,” said the Marquis, taking a big bite of a slice of bread and jam, “whether it wouldn't be better to do it with a knife. Most of the best things have been done with a knife. And it would be a new feeling to stab a French President with a knife and twist it around.”
“You are wrong,” said the Secretary, drawing his black brows together. “The knife was merely the expression of the old personal quarrel with a personal tyrant. Dynamite is not only our best tool, but our best symbol. It is as perfect a symbol of us as is incense of the prayers of the Christians. It expands; it only destroys because it broadens; even so, thought only destroys because it broadens. A man’s brain is a bomb,” he cried out, loosening suddenly his strange passion and striking his own skull with violence. “My brain feels like a bomb, night and day. It must expand! It must expand! A man’s brain must expand, if it breaks up the universe.”
“You're wrong,” the Secretary said, knitting his dark brows together. “The knife was just a sign of an old personal conflict with a personal oppressor. Dynamite isn’t just our best tool; it’s our best symbol. It represents us as perfectly as incense represents the prayers of Christians. It expands; it only destroys because it pushes outward; similarly, thoughts only destroy because they broaden. A man’s mind is like a bomb,” he shouted, suddenly releasing his intense emotion and striking his own head vigorously. “My mind feels like a bomb, night and day. It must expand! It must expand! A man’s mind must expand, even if it disrupts the universe.”
“I don’t want the universe broken up just yet,” drawled the Marquis. “I want to do a lot of beastly things before I die. I thought of one yesterday in bed.”
“I don’t want the universe to fall apart just yet,” the Marquis said lazily. “I want to do a bunch of horrible things before I die. I thought of one yesterday while lying in bed.”
“No, if the only end of the thing is nothing,” said Dr. Bull with his sphinx-like smile, “it hardly seems worth doing.”
“No, if the only result of this is nothing,” said Dr. Bull with his enigmatic smile, “it really doesn’t seem worth it.”
The old Professor was staring at the ceiling with dull eyes.
The old professor was staring at the ceiling with glazed eyes.
“Every man knows in his heart,” he said, “that nothing is worth doing.”
“Every guy knows deep down,” he said, “that nothing is worth doing.”
There was a singular silence, and then the Secretary said—
There was an unusual silence, and then the Secretary said—
“We are wandering, however, from the point. The only question is how Wednesday is to strike the blow. I take it we should all agree with the original notion of a bomb. As to the actual arrangements, I should suggest that tomorrow morning he should go first of all to—”
“We're getting off track, though. The only question is how Wednesday is going to make the move. I think we should all agree with the original idea of a bomb. As for the actual plans, I would suggest that tomorrow morning he should go first to—”
The speech was broken off short under a vast shadow. President Sunday had risen to his feet, seeming to fill the sky above them.
The speech was cut off abruptly under a huge shadow. President Sunday had stood up, making him seem to fill the sky above them.
“Before we discuss that,” he said in a small, quiet voice, “let us go into a private room. I have something very particular to say.”
“Before we talk about that,” he said in a low, quiet voice, “let’s move to a private room. I have something important to share.”
Syme stood up before any of the others. The instant of choice had come at last, the pistol was at his head. On the pavement before he could hear the policeman idly stir and stamp, for the morning, though bright, was cold.
Syme stood up before anyone else. The moment of choice had finally arrived, the gun was at his head. On the sidewalk, he could hear the policeman shift and stamp his feet, as the morning, though bright, was cold.
A barrel-organ in the street suddenly sprang with a jerk into a jovial tune. Syme stood up taut, as if it had been a bugle before the battle. He found himself filled with a supernatural courage that came from nowhere. That jingling music seemed full of the vivacity, the vulgarity, and the irrational valour of the poor, who in all those unclean streets were all clinging to the decencies and the charities of Christendom. His youthful prank of being a policeman had faded from his mind; he did not think of himself as the representative of the corps of gentlemen turned into fancy constables, or of the old eccentric who lived in the dark room. But he did feel himself as the ambassador of all these common and kindly people in the street, who every day marched into battle to the music of the barrel-organ. And this high pride in being human had lifted him unaccountably to an infinite height above the monstrous men around him. For an instant, at least, he looked down upon all their sprawling eccentricities from the starry pinnacle of the commonplace. He felt towards them all that unconscious and elementary superiority that a brave man feels over powerful beasts or a wise man over powerful errors. He knew that he had neither the intellectual nor the physical strength of President Sunday; but in that moment he minded it no more than the fact that he had not the muscles of a tiger or a horn on his nose like a rhinoceros. All was swallowed up in an ultimate certainty that the President was wrong and that the barrel-organ was right. There clanged in his mind that unanswerable and terrible truism in the song of Roland—
A barrel organ in the street suddenly burst into a cheerful tune. Syme stood up straight, as if it had been a bugle before battle. He felt an unexpected surge of courage that seemed to come from nowhere. The lively music felt full of the energy, the rawness, and the irrational bravery of the poor, who in all those dirty streets were holding onto the decency and kindness of Christendom. His youthful joke of being a policeman had faded from his mind; he didn't see himself as just a fancy constable or as the old eccentric who lived in the dark room. Instead, he felt like the representative of all these regular, kind people in the street, who every day marched into battle to the sounds of the barrel organ. And this deep pride in being human had inexplicably lifted him to a height far above the strange people around him. For at least a moment, he looked down upon all their odd behaviors from the starry peak of the ordinary. He felt that natural and basic superiority that a brave person has over powerful animals or a wise person over dangerous mistakes. He knew he didn’t have the intellectual or physical strength of President Sunday; but in that moment, it mattered to him as little as not having the muscles of a tiger or a horn like a rhinoceros. Everything was overshadowed by an undeniable certainty that the President was wrong and that the barrel organ was right. That unanswerable and powerful truth rang in his mind like the song of Roland—
“Païens ont tort et Chrétiens ont droit,”
“Pagans are wrong and Christians are right,”
which in the old nasal French has the clang and groan of great iron. This liberation of his spirit from the load of his weakness went with a quite clear decision to embrace death. If the people of the barrel-organ could keep their old-world obligations, so could he. This very pride in keeping his word was that he was keeping it to miscreants. It was his last triumph over these lunatics to go down into their dark room and die for something that they could not even understand. The barrel-organ seemed to give the marching tune with the energy and the mingled noises of a whole orchestra; and he could hear deep and rolling, under all the trumpets of the pride of life, the drums of the pride of death.
which in the old nasal French has the clang and groan of great iron. This liberation of his spirit from the burden of his weakness came with a clear decision to embrace death. If the people of the barrel organ could uphold their old-world commitments, so could he. This very pride in keeping his word meant he was keeping it to miscreants. It was his final triumph over these lunatics to go down into their dark room and die for something they couldn't even understand. The barrel organ seemed to provide the marching tune with the energy and mixed sounds of a whole orchestra; and he could hear deep and rolling, beneath all the trumpets of the pride of life, the drums of the pride of death.
The conspirators were already filing through the open window and into the rooms behind. Syme went last, outwardly calm, but with all his brain and body throbbing with romantic rhythm. The President led them down an irregular side stair, such as might be used by servants, and into a dim, cold, empty room, with a table and benches, like an abandoned boardroom. When they were all in, he closed and locked the door.
The conspirators were already slipping through the open window and into the rooms behind. Syme went last, appearing calm on the outside, but his mind and body were racing with excitement. The President guided them down a crooked side staircase, likely used by staff, into a dim, cold, empty room that had a table and benches, resembling a deserted boardroom. Once everyone was inside, he shut and locked the door.
The first to speak was Gogol, the irreconcilable, who seemed bursting with inarticulate grievance.
The first to speak was Gogol, the unyielding one, who appeared to be overflowing with unspoken frustration.
“Zso! Zso!” he cried, with an obscure excitement, his heavy Polish accent becoming almost impenetrable. “You zay you nod ’ide. You zay you show himselves. It is all nuzzinks. Ven you vant talk importance you run yourselves in a dark box!”
“Zso! Zso!” he shouted, filled with a strange excitement, his thick Polish accent making it hard to understand. “You say you don’t hide. You say you show yourselves. It means nothing. When you want to talk about something important, you hide yourselves in a dark box!”
The President seemed to take the foreigner’s incoherent satire with entire good humour.
The President appeared to take the foreigner’s confusing satire in stride.
“You can’t get hold of it yet, Gogol,” he said in a fatherly way. “When once they have heard us talking nonsense on that balcony they will not care where we go afterwards. If we had come here first, we should have had the whole staff at the keyhole. You don’t seem to know anything about mankind.”
“You can’t grasp it yet, Gogol,” he said in a fatherly way. “Once they hear us chatting nonsense on that balcony, they won’t care where we head next. If we had come here first, we would have had the entire staff eavesdropping at the keyhole. You don’t seem to understand anything about people.”
“I die for zem,” cried the Pole in thick excitement, “and I slay zare oppressors. I care not for these games of gonzealment. I would zmite ze tyrant in ze open square.”
“I die for them,” cried the Pole in thick excitement, “and I slay their oppressors. I care not for these games of concealment. I would smite the tyrant in the open square.”
“I see, I see,” said the President, nodding kindly as he seated himself at the top of a long table. “You die for mankind first, and then you get up and smite their oppressors. So that’s all right. And now may I ask you to control your beautiful sentiments, and sit down with the other gentlemen at this table. For the first time this morning something intelligent is going to be said.”
“I understand, I understand,” said the President, nodding warmly as he took a seat at the head of a long table. “You sacrifice yourself for humanity first, and then you rise up against their oppressors. That makes sense. Now, could you please keep your admirable feelings in check and take a seat with the other gentlemen at this table? For the first time this morning, something intelligent is about to be said.”
Syme, with the perturbed promptitude he had shown since the original summons, sat down first. Gogol sat down last, grumbling in his brown beard about gombromise. No one except Syme seemed to have any notion of the blow that was about to fall. As for him, he had merely the feeling of a man mounting the scaffold with the intention, at any rate, of making a good speech.
Syme, with the anxious urgency he had shown since the initial call, sat down first. Gogol sat down last, muttering in his brown beard about compromise. No one except Syme seemed to have any idea of the bombshell that was about to drop. As for him, he felt like a guy going up to the gallows, determined to at least give a decent speech.
“Comrades,” said the President, suddenly rising, “we have spun out this farce long enough. I have called you down here to tell you something so simple and shocking that even the waiters upstairs (long inured to our levities) might hear some new seriousness in my voice. Comrades, we were discussing plans and naming places. I propose, before saying anything else, that those plans and places should not be voted by this meeting, but should be left wholly in the control of some one reliable member. I suggest Comrade Saturday, Dr. Bull.”
“Friends,” the President said, suddenly standing up, “we’ve dragged this nonsense on long enough. I brought you all here to share something so straightforward and surprising that even the waitstaff upstairs, who are used to our jokes, might notice a new seriousness in my tone. Friends, we were talking about strategies and choosing locations. Before we go any further, I propose that these strategies and locations shouldn't be decided by this meeting, but should be left entirely to one trustworthy member. I suggest Comrade Saturday, Dr. Bull.”
They all stared at him; then they all started in their seats, for the next words, though not loud, had a living and sensational emphasis. Sunday struck the table.
They all stared at him; then they all shifted in their seats, because the next words, although not loud, had a powerful and dramatic emphasis. Sunday slammed his hand on the table.
“Not one word more about the plans and places must be said at this meeting. Not one tiny detail more about what we mean to do must be mentioned in this company.”
“Not a single word more about the plans and places should be said at this meeting. Not one tiny detail more about what we intend to do should be mentioned in this group.”
Sunday had spent his life in astonishing his followers; but it seemed as if he had never really astonished them until now. They all moved feverishly in their seats, except Syme. He sat stiff in his, with his hand in his pocket, and on the handle of his loaded revolver. When the attack on him came he would sell his life dear. He would find out at least if the President was mortal.
Sunday had dedicated his life to amazing his followers; however, it felt like he had never truly surprised them until now. Everyone shifted restlessly in their seats, except for Syme. He remained rigid in his chair, hand in his pocket, resting on the handle of his loaded revolver. When the time came for an attack, he was determined to make it costly for them. He would at least discover if the President was human.
Sunday went on smoothly—
Sunday went well—
“You will probably understand that there is only one possible motive for forbidding free speech at this festival of freedom. Strangers overhearing us matters nothing. They assume that we are joking. But what would matter, even unto death, is this, that there should be one actually among us who is not of us, who knows our grave purpose, but does not share it, who—”
“You will probably understand that there’s only one reason for banning free speech at this festival of freedom. Strangers overhearing us don’t matter. They just think we’re joking. But what truly matters, even to the point of death, is this: that there could be someone among us who is not one of us, who knows our serious purpose but doesn’t share it, who—”
The Secretary screamed out suddenly like a woman.
The Secretary suddenly screamed like a woman.
“It can’t be!” he cried, leaping. “There can’t—”
“It can't be!” he shouted, jumping. “There can't—”
The President flapped his large flat hand on the table like the fin of some huge fish.
The President slapped his big flat hand on the table like the fin of a giant fish.
“Yes,” he said slowly, “there is a spy in this room. There is a traitor at this table. I will waste no more words. His name—”
“Yes,” he said slowly, “there's a spy in this room. There’s a traitor at this table. I won’t waste any more words. His name—”
Syme half rose from his seat, his finger firm on the trigger.
Syme partially stood up from his seat, his finger steady on the trigger.
“His name is Gogol,” said the President. “He is that hairy humbug over there who pretends to be a Pole.”
“His name is Gogol,” said the President. “He’s that hairy fake over there who acts like he’s Polish.”
Gogol sprang to his feet, a pistol in each hand. With the same flash three men sprang at his throat. Even the Professor made an effort to rise. But Syme saw little of the scene, for he was blinded with a beneficent darkness; he had sunk down into his seat shuddering, in a palsy of passionate relief.
Gogol jumped to his feet, a gun in each hand. In the same instant, three men lunged at him. Even the Professor tried to get up. But Syme barely noticed the chaos because he was overwhelmed by a comforting darkness; he had collapsed back into his seat, trembling with an intense sense of relief.
CHAPTER VII.
THE UNACCOUNTABLE CONDUCT OF PROFESSOR DE WORMS
“Sit down!” said Sunday in a voice that he used once or twice in his life, a voice that made men drop drawn swords.
“Sit down!” Sunday said in a tone he only used once or twice in his life, a tone that made men drop their drawn swords.
The three who had risen fell away from Gogol, and that equivocal person himself resumed his seat.
The three who had stood up moved away from Gogol, and that ambiguous person himself sat back down.
“Well, my man,” said the President briskly, addressing him as one addresses a total stranger, “will you oblige me by putting your hand in your upper waistcoat pocket and showing me what you have there?”
“Well, my man,” said the President cheerfully, talking to him like a total stranger, “would you do me a favor and reach into your upper waistcoat pocket and show me what you have there?”
The alleged Pole was a little pale under his tangle of dark hair, but he put two fingers into the pocket with apparent coolness and pulled out a blue strip of card. When Syme saw it lying on the table, he woke up again to the world outside him. For although the card lay at the other extreme of the table, and he could read nothing of the inscription on it, it bore a startling resemblance to the blue card in his own pocket, the card which had been given to him when he joined the anti-anarchist constabulary.
The supposed Pole looked a bit pale under his mess of dark hair, but he casually slipped two fingers into his pocket and pulled out a blue card. When Syme saw it resting on the table, he became aware of the world around him once more. Even though the card was at the far end of the table and he couldn't read what was written on it, it looked remarkably similar to the blue card in his own pocket, the one he had received when he joined the anti-anarchist police force.
“Pathetic Slav,” said the President, “tragic child of Poland, are you prepared in the presence of that card to deny that you are in this company—shall we say de trop?”
“Pathetic Slav,” said the President, “tragic child of Poland, are you ready, in front of that card, to deny that you belong to this group—shall we say uninvited?”
“Right oh!” said the late Gogol. It made everyone jump to hear a clear, commercial and somewhat cockney voice coming out of that forest of foreign hair. It was irrational, as if a Chinaman had suddenly spoken with a Scotch accent.
“Right oh!” said the late Gogol. It made everyone jump to hear a clear, commercial and somewhat Cockney voice coming out of that forest of foreign hair. It was irrational, as if a Chinese person had suddenly spoken with a Scottish accent.
“I gather that you fully understand your position,” said Sunday.
“I assume you completely understand your situation,” said Sunday.
“You bet,” answered the Pole. “I see it’s a fair cop. All I say is, I don’t believe any Pole could have imitated my accent like I did his.”
“You bet,” replied the Pole. “I can tell it’s a reasonable arrest. All I’m saying is, I don’t think any Pole could have mimicked my accent as well as I did his.”
“I concede the point,” said Sunday. “I believe your own accent to be inimitable, though I shall practise it in my bath. Do you mind leaving your beard with your card?”
"I admit you've got a point," said Sunday. "I think your accent is unique, although I'll try to mimic it in the shower. Do you mind leaving your beard with your card?"
“Not a bit,” answered Gogol; and with one finger he ripped off the whole of his shaggy head-covering, emerging with thin red hair and a pale, pert face. “It was hot,” he added.
“Not at all,” replied Gogol; and with one finger, he tore off his entire shaggy hat, revealing thin red hair and a pale, lively face. “It was hot,” he added.
“I will do you the justice to say,” said Sunday, not without a sort of brutal admiration, “that you seem to have kept pretty cool under it. Now listen to me. I like you. The consequence is that it would annoy me for just about two and a half minutes if I heard that you had died in torments. Well, if you ever tell the police or any human soul about us, I shall have that two and a half minutes of discomfort. On your discomfort I will not dwell. Good day. Mind the step.”
“I’ll be fair and say,” Sunday said, with a hint of brutal admiration, “that you seem to have stayed pretty calm through all this. Now, listen up. I like you. So, it would bother me for about two and a half minutes if I found out you died suffering. Well, if you ever tell the police or anyone else about us, I’ll have that two and a half minutes of worry. I won’t focus on your discomfort. Have a good day. Watch your step.”
The red-haired detective who had masqueraded as Gogol rose to his feet without a word, and walked out of the room with an air of perfect nonchalance. Yet the astonished Syme was able to realise that this ease was suddenly assumed; for there was a slight stumble outside the door, which showed that the departing detective had not minded the step.
The red-haired detective who had pretended to be Gogol stood up silently and left the room with a casual demeanor. However, the shocked Syme noticed that this confidence was just an act; there was a brief stumble outside the door, revealing that the departing detective had tripped on the step.
“Time is flying,” said the President in his gayest manner, after glancing at his watch, which like everything about him seemed bigger than it ought to be. “I must go off at once; I have to take the chair at a Humanitarian meeting.”
“Time is flying,” said the President with a cheerful tone, after looking at his watch, which, like everything about him, seemed larger than it should be. “I need to head out right away; I have to lead a Humanitarian meeting.”
The Secretary turned to him with working eyebrows.
The Secretary turned to him with furrowed brows.
“Would it not be better,” he said a little sharply, “to discuss further the details of our project, now that the spy has left us?”
“Wouldn't it be better,” he said a bit sharply, “to go over the details of our project now that the spy has left?”
“No, I think not,” said the President with a yawn like an unobtrusive earthquake. “Leave it as it is. Let Saturday settle it. I must be off. Breakfast here next Sunday.”
“Not really,” said the President with a yawn like a subtle earthquake. “Just leave it as it is. Let's let Saturday decide. I have to go now. Breakfast here next Sunday.”
But the late loud scenes had whipped up the almost naked nerves of the Secretary. He was one of those men who are conscientious even in crime.
But the recent loud scenes had triggered the nearly raw nerves of the Secretary. He was one of those men who are diligent even in wrongdoing.
“I must protest, President, that the thing is irregular,” he said. “It is a fundamental rule of our society that all plans shall be debated in full council. Of course, I fully appreciate your forethought when in the actual presence of a traitor—”
“I have to object, President, that this is not proper,” he said. “It’s a basic rule of our society that all plans should be discussed in full council. Of course, I completely understand your caution when facing a traitor—”
“Secretary,” said the President seriously, “if you’d take your head home and boil it for a turnip it might be useful. I can’t say. But it might.”
“Secretary,” the President said seriously, “if you took your head home and boiled it for a turnip, it might be useful. I can’t say for sure. But it might.”
The Secretary reared back in a kind of equine anger.
The Secretary pulled back in a sort of horse-like anger.
“I really fail to understand—” he began in high offense.
“I really don’t understand—” he started, clearly offended.
“That’s it, that’s it,” said the President, nodding a great many times. “That’s where you fail right enough. You fail to understand. Why, you dancing donkey,” he roared, rising, “you didn’t want to be overheard by a spy, didn’t you? How do you know you aren’t overheard now?”
"That's it, that's it," the President said, nodding repeatedly. "That's where you really miss the point. You just don't get it. Why, you dancing donkey," he shouted, getting up, "you didn't want to be overheard by a spy, did you? How do you know you're not being overheard right now?"
And with these words he shouldered his way out of the room, shaking with incomprehensible scorn.
And with those words, he pushed his way out of the room, trembling with unexplainable disdain.
Four of the men left behind gaped after him without any apparent glimmering of his meaning. Syme alone had even a glimmering, and such as it was it froze him to the bone. If the last words of the President meant anything, they meant that he had not after all passed unsuspected. They meant that while Sunday could not denounce him like Gogol, he still could not trust him like the others.
Four of the men left behind stared at him, not understanding what he meant at all. Only Syme had any inkling, and it chilled him to the core. If the President's last words meant anything, they meant that he hadn’t gone unnoticed after all. They meant that while Sunday couldn't accuse him like Gogol, he still couldn’t fully trust him like the others.
The other four got to their feet grumbling more or less, and betook themselves elsewhere to find lunch, for it was already well past midday. The Professor went last, very slowly and painfully. Syme sat long after the rest had gone, revolving his strange position. He had escaped a thunderbolt, but he was still under a cloud. At last he rose and made his way out of the hotel into Leicester Square. The bright, cold day had grown increasingly colder, and when he came out into the street he was surprised by a few flakes of snow. While he still carried the sword-stick and the rest of Gregory’s portable luggage, he had thrown the cloak down and left it somewhere, perhaps on the steam-tug, perhaps on the balcony. Hoping, therefore, that the snow-shower might be slight, he stepped back out of the street for a moment and stood up under the doorway of a small and greasy hair-dresser’s shop, the front window of which was empty, except for a sickly wax lady in evening dress.
The other four got to their feet, grumbling a bit, and headed off to find lunch since it was already well past midday. The Professor was last, moving slowly and with difficulty. Syme stayed behind long after everyone else had left, thinking about his strange situation. He had narrowly avoided disaster, but he still felt uneasy. Eventually, he got up and walked out of the hotel into Leicester Square. The bright, chilly day had turned even colder, and when he stepped onto the street, he was surprised by a few snowflakes. Although he still had the sword stick and Gregory's other belongings, he had dropped the cloak somewhere, maybe on the steam-tug or on the balcony. Hoping the snow would be light, he stepped back from the street for a moment and stood under the doorway of a small, greasy hairdresser's shop. The front window was empty except for a pale wax lady in evening attire.
Snow, however, began to thicken and fall fast; and Syme, having found one glance at the wax lady quite sufficient to depress his spirits, stared out instead into the white and empty street. He was considerably astonished to see, standing quite still outside the shop and staring into the window, a man. His top hat was loaded with snow like the hat of Father Christmas, the white drift was rising round his boots and ankles; but it seemed as if nothing could tear him away from the contemplation of the colourless wax doll in dirty evening dress. That any human being should stand in such weather looking into such a shop was a matter of sufficient wonder to Syme; but his idle wonder turned suddenly into a personal shock; for he realised that the man standing there was the paralytic old Professor de Worms. It scarcely seemed the place for a person of his years and infirmities.
Snow, however, began to pile up and fall quickly; and Syme, having found just one look at the wax lady enough to bring him down, stared instead out into the white, empty street. He was quite surprised to see a man standing completely still outside the shop, staring into the window. His top hat was weighed down with snow, much like Father Christmas's hat, and the white snow was rising around his boots and ankles; yet it seemed nothing could pull him away from gazing at the colorless wax doll in a dirty evening dress. That anyone would stand in such weather looking into such a shop was enough to intrigue Syme; but his idle curiosity suddenly turned into shock when he realized the man standing there was the elderly, disabled Professor de Worms. It hardly seemed like a suitable place for someone of his age and frail condition.
Syme was ready to believe anything about the perversions of this dehumanized brotherhood; but even he could not believe that the Professor had fallen in love with that particular wax lady. He could only suppose that the man’s malady (whatever it was) involved some momentary fits of rigidity or trance. He was not inclined, however, to feel in this case any very compassionate concern. On the contrary, he rather congratulated himself that the Professor’s stroke and his elaborate and limping walk would make it easy to escape from him and leave him miles behind. For Syme thirsted first and last to get clear of the whole poisonous atmosphere, if only for an hour. Then he could collect his thoughts, formulate his policy, and decide finally whether he should or should not keep faith with Gregory.
Syme was ready to believe anything about the twisted nature of this dehumanized group, but even he couldn’t believe that the Professor had fallen for that particular wax lady. He could only assume that the guy’s condition (whatever it was) involved some temporary episodes of stiffness or trance. Still, he didn’t feel much sympathy in this case. On the contrary, he felt a bit pleased that the Professor's stroke and his awkward limp would make it easy to get away from him and leave him far behind. Syme was desperate to escape the whole toxic environment, even if just for an hour. Then he could gather his thoughts, outline his strategy, and finally decide whether or not to stay loyal to Gregory.
He strolled away through the dancing snow, turned up two or three streets, down through two or three others, and entered a small Soho restaurant for lunch. He partook reflectively of four small and quaint courses, drank half a bottle of red wine, and ended up over black coffee and a black cigar, still thinking. He had taken his seat in the upper room of the restaurant, which was full of the chink of knives and the chatter of foreigners. He remembered that in old days he had imagined that all these harmless and kindly aliens were anarchists. He shuddered, remembering the real thing. But even the shudder had the delightful shame of escape. The wine, the common food, the familiar place, the faces of natural and talkative men, made him almost feel as if the Council of the Seven Days had been a bad dream; and although he knew it was nevertheless an objective reality, it was at least a distant one. Tall houses and populous streets lay between him and his last sight of the shameful seven; he was free in free London, and drinking wine among the free. With a somewhat easier action, he took his hat and stick and strolled down the stair into the shop below.
He walked away through the falling snow, turned down a couple of streets, and went through a few others before entering a small restaurant in Soho for lunch. He thoughtfully enjoyed four small and unique courses, drank half a bottle of red wine, and finished up with black coffee and a black cigar, still deep in thought. He had chosen a seat in the upper room of the restaurant, which was filled with the clinking of cutlery and the chatter of foreign patrons. He remembered that in the past, he had thought all these harmless and friendly foreigners were anarchists. He shuddered, recalling the real thing. But even that shudder brought a delightful sense of relief. The wine, the simple food, the familiar place, and the faces of lively, natural men made him almost feel like the Council of the Seven Days had been a bad dream; and while he knew it was still a harsh reality, it felt at least a bit distant. Tall buildings and busy streets stood between him and his last memory of the disgraceful seven; he was free in free London, enjoying wine among the free. With a more relaxed gesture, he picked up his hat and stick and walked down the stairs to the shop below.
When he entered that lower room he stood stricken and rooted to the spot. At a small table, close up to the blank window and the white street of snow, sat the old anarchist Professor over a glass of milk, with his lifted livid face and pendent eyelids. For an instant Syme stood as rigid as the stick he leant upon. Then with a gesture as of blind hurry, he brushed past the Professor, dashing open the door and slamming it behind him, and stood outside in the snow.
When he entered that lower room, he was frozen in place. At a small table, right by the bare window and the snowy white street, sat the old anarchist professor with his pale face and drooping eyelids, sipping a glass of milk. For a moment, Syme stood as still as the stick he was leaning on. Then, in a rush, he pushed past the professor, threw open the door, slammed it shut, and stood outside in the snow.
“Can that old corpse be following me?” he asked himself, biting his yellow moustache. “I stopped too long up in that room, so that even such leaden feet could catch me up. One comfort is, with a little brisk walking I can put a man like that as far away as Timbuctoo. Or am I too fanciful? Was he really following me? Surely Sunday would not be such a fool as to send a lame man?”
“Could that old corpse really be following me?” he wondered aloud, chewing on his yellow mustache. “I stayed up in that room too long, so even someone with heavy feet could catch up to me. At least I know that with a bit of quick walking, I can put someone like that as far away as Timbuktu. Or am I just imagining things? Was he actually following me? Surely Sunday wouldn’t be stupid enough to send a lame guy?”
He set off at a smart pace, twisting and whirling his stick, in the direction of Covent Garden. As he crossed the great market the snow increased, growing blinding and bewildering as the afternoon began to darken. The snow-flakes tormented him like a swarm of silver bees. Getting into his eyes and beard, they added their unremitting futility to his already irritated nerves; and by the time that he had come at a swinging pace to the beginning of Fleet Street, he lost patience, and finding a Sunday teashop, turned into it to take shelter. He ordered another cup of black coffee as an excuse. Scarcely had he done so, when Professor de Worms hobbled heavily into the shop, sat down with difficulty and ordered a glass of milk.
He started off at a brisk pace, swinging his cane as he walked toward Covent Garden. As he crossed the big market, the snow started to fall harder, becoming blinding and disorienting as the afternoon darkened. The snowflakes bothered him like a swarm of silver bees, getting into his eyes and beard and adding to his already frayed nerves. By the time he arrived at the start of Fleet Street, he lost his patience and ducked into a nearby Sunday teashop for some shelter. He ordered another cup of black coffee just to have an excuse to stay. Hardly had he done that when Professor de Worms hobbled heavily into the shop, sat down with some effort, and ordered a glass of milk.
Syme’s walking-stick had fallen from his hand with a great clang, which confessed the concealed steel. But the Professor did not look round. Syme, who was commonly a cool character, was literally gaping as a rustic gapes at a conjuring trick. He had seen no cab following; he had heard no wheels outside the shop; to all mortal appearances the man had come on foot. But the old man could only walk like a snail, and Syme had walked like the wind. He started up and snatched his stick, half crazy with the contradiction in mere arithmetic, and swung out of the swinging doors, leaving his coffee untasted. An omnibus going to the Bank went rattling by with an unusual rapidity. He had a violent run of a hundred yards to reach it; but he managed to spring, swaying upon the splash-board and, pausing for an instant to pant, he climbed on to the top. When he had been seated for about half a minute, he heard behind him a sort of heavy and asthmatic breathing.
Syme’s walking stick dropped from his hand with a loud clang, revealing the hidden metal. But the Professor didn’t turn around. Syme, who usually kept his cool, was staring wide-eyed like a country bumpkin watching a magic trick. He hadn’t seen a cab following; he hadn’t heard any wheels outside the shop; it looked like the man had come on foot. But the old man moved like a snail, while Syme moved like the wind. He jumped up, grabbed his stick, overwhelmed by the contradiction of the situation, and pushed through the swinging doors, leaving his coffee untouched. An omnibus heading to the Bank rattled past unusually fast. He had to sprint for a hundred yards to catch it; but he leaped up, balancing on the splash-board, paused for a moment to catch his breath, and climbed onto the roof. After sitting there for about half a minute, he heard a heavy, wheezing breath behind him.
Turning sharply, he saw rising gradually higher and higher up the omnibus steps a top hat soiled and dripping with snow, and under the shadow of its brim the short-sighted face and shaky shoulders of Professor de Worms. He let himself into a seat with characteristic care, and wrapped himself up to the chin in the mackintosh rug.
Turning sharply, he saw a top hat, dirty and dripping with snow, slowly rising higher and higher up the bus steps, with the short-sighted face and unsteady shoulders of Professor de Worms underneath its brim. He carefully settled into a seat, wrapping himself up to the chin in the raincoat blanket.
Every movement of the old man’s tottering figure and vague hands, every uncertain gesture and panic-stricken pause, seemed to put it beyond question that he was helpless, that he was in the last imbecility of the body. He moved by inches, he let himself down with little gasps of caution. And yet, unless the philosophical entities called time and space have no vestige even of a practical existence, it appeared quite unquestionable that he had run after the omnibus.
Every movement of the old man’s shaky figure and unsteady hands, every uncertain gesture and fear-filled pause, made it clear that he was helpless, that he was in the final stages of decline. He moved slowly, lowering himself with cautious little breaths. And yet, unless the concepts of time and space have no real existence at all, it seemed undeniable that he had chased after the bus.
Syme sprang erect upon the rocking car, and after staring wildly at the wintry sky, that grew gloomier every moment, he ran down the steps. He had repressed an elemental impulse to leap over the side.
Syme jumped up on the rocking car, and after staring frantically at the increasingly gloomy winter sky, he ran down the steps. He had held back a strong urge to jump over the side.
Too bewildered to look back or to reason, he rushed into one of the little courts at the side of Fleet Street as a rabbit rushes into a hole. He had a vague idea, if this incomprehensible old Jack-in-the-box was really pursuing him, that in that labyrinth of little streets he could soon throw him off the scent. He dived in and out of those crooked lanes, which were more like cracks than thoroughfares; and by the time that he had completed about twenty alternate angles and described an unthinkable polygon, he paused to listen for any sound of pursuit. There was none; there could not in any case have been much, for the little streets were thick with the soundless snow. Somewhere behind Red Lion Court, however, he noticed a place where some energetic citizen had cleared away the snow for a space of about twenty yards, leaving the wet, glistening cobble-stones. He thought little of this as he passed it, only plunging into yet another arm of the maze. But when a few hundred yards farther on he stood still again to listen, his heart stood still also, for he heard from that space of rugged stones the clinking crutch and labouring feet of the infernal cripple.
Too confused to look back or think straight, he rushed into one of the small alleys off Fleet Street like a rabbit diving into a burrow. He had a vague idea that if this strange old figure was really after him, he could easily lose him in that maze of narrow streets. He zigzagged through those winding lanes, which were more like cracks than actual roads; and by the time he had made about twenty sharp turns and traced an impossible shape, he stopped to listen for any sign of being followed. There was nothing; there wouldn’t have been much anyway, as the little streets were muffled with quiet snow. Yet, just beyond Red Lion Court, he spotted a stretch where some determined citizen had cleared the snow for about twenty yards, leaving behind wet, shiny cobblestones. He didn’t think much of it as he passed by, heading into another part of the maze. But when he paused again a few hundred yards later to listen, his heart stopped too, because he heard the distinct clink of a crutch and the labored footsteps of the infernal cripple.
The sky above was loaded with the clouds of snow, leaving London in a darkness and oppression premature for that hour of the evening. On each side of Syme the walls of the alley were blind and featureless; there was no little window or any kind of eve. He felt a new impulse to break out of this hive of houses, and to get once more into the open and lamp-lit street. Yet he rambled and dodged for a long time before he struck the main thoroughfare. When he did so, he struck it much farther up than he had fancied. He came out into what seemed the vast and void of Ludgate Circus, and saw St. Paul’s Cathedral sitting in the sky.
The sky above was filled with snow clouds, casting an early darkness and heaviness over London. On either side of Syme, the alley walls were blank and featureless; there were no small windows or any kind of overhang. He felt a strong urge to break free from this maze of buildings and get back to the open, well-lit street. Yet, he wandered and weaved for quite a while before he finally reached the main road. When he did, he ended up much further along than he had expected. He emerged into what felt like the vast emptiness of Ludgate Circus and saw St. Paul’s Cathedral looming in the sky.
At first he was startled to find these great roads so empty, as if a pestilence had swept through the city. Then he told himself that some degree of emptiness was natural; first because the snow-storm was even dangerously deep, and secondly because it was Sunday. And at the very word Sunday he bit his lip; the word was henceforth for hire like some indecent pun. Under the white fog of snow high up in the heaven the whole atmosphere of the city was turned to a very queer kind of green twilight, as of men under the sea. The sealed and sullen sunset behind the dark dome of St. Paul’s had in it smoky and sinister colours—colours of sickly green, dead red or decaying bronze, that were just bright enough to emphasise the solid whiteness of the snow. But right up against these dreary colours rose the black bulk of the cathedral; and upon the top of the cathedral was a random splash and great stain of snow, still clinging as to an Alpine peak. It had fallen accidentally, but just so fallen as to half drape the dome from its very topmost point, and to pick out in perfect silver the great orb and the cross. When Syme saw it he suddenly straightened himself, and made with his sword-stick an involuntary salute.
At first, he was surprised to see these great roads so empty, as if a plague had swept through the city. Then he reminded himself that some emptiness was normal; first because the snowstorm was dangerously deep, and second because it was Sunday. And just hearing the word Sunday made him bite his lip; the word felt cheap now, like some crude joke. Under the thick mist of snow high above, the city's atmosphere took on a strange green twilight, like people submerged underwater. The dark sunset behind the dome of St. Paul’s had smoky and ominous colors—sickly green, dead red, or rotting bronze—that were bright enough to highlight the solid whiteness of the snow. But right against these gloomy colors stood the black shape of the cathedral; on top of it, a random splash and big patch of snow clung like it was on an Alpine peak. It had fallen by chance, just enough to partially cover the dome from its highest point, perfectly outlining the great orb and the cross in bright silver. When Syme saw it, he suddenly straightened up and made an involuntary salute with his sword-stick.
He knew that that evil figure, his shadow, was creeping quickly or slowly behind him, and he did not care.
He knew that dark figure, his shadow, was creeping up behind him, whether fast or slow, and he didn’t care.
It seemed a symbol of human faith and valour that while the skies were darkening that high place of the earth was bright. The devils might have captured heaven, but they had not yet captured the cross. He had a new impulse to tear out the secret of this dancing, jumping and pursuing paralytic; and at the entrance of the court as it opened upon the Circus he turned, stick in hand, to face his pursuer.
It felt like a symbol of human faith and bravery that even as the skies darkened, that high place on Earth remained bright. The devils might have taken over heaven, but they hadn't taken the cross yet. He felt a new urge to uncover the mystery of this dancing, jumping, and pursuing paralyzed individual; and at the entrance of the courtyard as it opened up to the Circus, he turned, stick in hand, to confront his pursuer.
Professor de Worms came slowly round the corner of the irregular alley behind him, his unnatural form outlined against a lonely gas-lamp, irresistibly recalling that very imaginative figure in the nursery rhymes, “the crooked man who went a crooked mile.” He really looked as if he had been twisted out of shape by the tortuous streets he had been threading. He came nearer and nearer, the lamplight shining on his lifted spectacles, his lifted, patient face. Syme waited for him as St. George waited for the dragon, as a man waits for a final explanation or for death. And the old Professor came right up to him and passed him like a total stranger, without even a blink of his mournful eyelids.
Professor de Worms slowly turned the corner of the uneven alley behind him, his unusual figure highlighted against a lonely streetlamp, reminding one of that imaginative character from nursery rhymes, “the crooked man who went a crooked mile.” He truly looked like he had been twisted out of shape by the winding streets he had navigated. He approached closer and closer, the lamplight reflecting off his glasses, his calm, patient face. Syme waited for him like St. George waited for the dragon, like someone waits for a final explanation or for death. And the old Professor walked right up to him and passed by like he was a complete stranger, without even a blink of his sorrowful eyelids.
There was something in this silent and unexpected innocence that left Syme in a final fury. The man’s colourless face and manner seemed to assert that the whole following had been an accident. Syme was galvanised with an energy that was something between bitterness and a burst of boyish derision. He made a wild gesture as if to knock the old man’s hat off, called out something like “Catch me if you can,” and went racing away across the white, open Circus. Concealment was impossible now; and looking back over his shoulder, he could see the black figure of the old gentleman coming after him with long, swinging strides like a man winning a mile race. But the head upon that bounding body was still pale, grave and professional, like the head of a lecturer upon the body of a harlequin.
There was something in this quiet and unexpected innocence that drove Syme into a final rage. The man’s bland face and demeanor seemed to suggest that the whole situation had been an accident. Syme was fired up with a mix of bitterness and a burst of boyish mockery. He made a wild gesture as if to swipe the old man’s hat off, shouted something like “Catch me if you can,” and took off running across the bright, open Circus. Hiding was impossible now; and looking back over his shoulder, he could see the old gentleman's dark figure chasing after him with long, swinging strides like someone winning a mile race. But the head on that fast-moving body was still pale, serious, and professional, like a lecturer’s head on a harlequin's body.
This outrageous chase sped across Ludgate Circus, up Ludgate Hill, round St. Paul’s Cathedral, along Cheapside, Syme remembering all the nightmares he had ever known. Then Syme broke away towards the river, and ended almost down by the docks. He saw the yellow panes of a low, lighted public-house, flung himself into it and ordered beer. It was a foul tavern, sprinkled with foreign sailors, a place where opium might be smoked or knives drawn.
This wild chase rushed through Ludgate Circus, up Ludgate Hill, around St. Paul’s Cathedral, and along Cheapside, with Syme recalling all the nightmares he had ever experienced. Then Syme darted towards the river and found himself near the docks. He noticed the yellow windows of a dimly lit pub, threw himself inside, and ordered a beer. It was a grim bar, crowded with foreign sailors, a spot where people might smoke opium or pull knives.
A moment later Professor de Worms entered the place, sat down carefully, and asked for a glass of milk.
A moment later, Professor de Worms walked in, sat down carefully, and asked for a glass of milk.
CHAPTER VIII.
THE PROFESSOR EXPLAINS
When Gabriel Syme found himself finally established in a chair, and opposite to him, fixed and final also, the lifted eyebrows and leaden eyelids of the Professor, his fears fully returned. This incomprehensible man from the fierce council, after all, had certainly pursued him. If the man had one character as a paralytic and another character as a pursuer, the antithesis might make him more interesting, but scarcely more soothing. It would be a very small comfort that he could not find the Professor out, if by some serious accident the Professor should find him out. He emptied a whole pewter pot of ale before the professor had touched his milk.
When Gabriel Syme finally settled into a chair, facing the Professor with his unblinking eyebrows and heavy eyelids, his anxieties returned in full force. This mysterious man from the intense council had certainly been after him. Even if the man had one persona as a paralyzed figure and another as a pursuer, the contrast might make him seem more intriguing, but it offered little reassurance. It wouldn't be a great comfort to know he couldn’t figure the Professor out if the Professor, by some unfortunate chance, figured him out instead. He finished a whole pewter mug of ale before the Professor had even taken a sip of his milk.
One possibility, however, kept him hopeful and yet helpless. It was just possible that this escapade signified something other than even a slight suspicion of him. Perhaps it was some regular form or sign. Perhaps the foolish scamper was some sort of friendly signal that he ought to have understood. Perhaps it was a ritual. Perhaps the new Thursday was always chased along Cheapside, as the new Lord Mayor is always escorted along it. He was just selecting a tentative inquiry, when the old Professor opposite suddenly and simply cut him short. Before Syme could ask the first diplomatic question, the old anarchist had asked suddenly, without any sort of preparation—
One possibility, though, kept him feeling hopeful yet powerless. It was just possible that this adventure meant something other than even a hint of suspicion about him. Maybe it was some usual form or sign. Perhaps the silly chase was a kind of friendly signal he should have picked up on. Maybe it was a ritual. Maybe the new Thursday always gets chased down Cheapside, just like the new Lord Mayor is always escorted there. He was just starting to think of a tentative question when the old Professor across from him suddenly cut him off. Before Syme could ask the first diplomatic question, the old anarchist suddenly asked, without any preparation—
“Are you a policeman?”
“Are you a cop?”
Whatever else Syme had expected, he had never expected anything so brutal and actual as this. Even his great presence of mind could only manage a reply with an air of rather blundering jocularity.
Whatever else Syme had anticipated, he had never imagined anything as harsh and real as this. Even his strong sense of composure could only muster a response that felt somewhat awkwardly humorous.
“A policeman?” he said, laughing vaguely. “Whatever made you think of a policeman in connection with me?”
“A cop?” he said, laughing a bit. “What made you think of a cop in relation to me?”
“The process was simple enough,” answered the Professor patiently. “I thought you looked like a policeman. I think so now.”
“The process was straightforward,” the Professor replied calmly. “I knew you looked like a cop. I still think so now.”
“Did I take a policeman’s hat by mistake out of the restaurant?” asked Syme, smiling wildly. “Have I by any chance got a number stuck on to me somewhere? Have my boots got that watchful look? Why must I be a policeman? Do, do let me be a postman.”
“Did I accidentally take a cop’s hat from the restaurant?” asked Syme, grinning like a madman. “Is there a number attached to me somewhere? Do my boots have that suspicious vibe? Why do I have to be a cop? Please, just let me be a mailman.”
The old Professor shook his head with a gravity that gave no hope, but Syme ran on with a feverish irony.
The old professor shook his head with a seriousness that offered no hope, but Syme continued with a frantic sarcasm.
“But perhaps I misunderstood the delicacies of your German philosophy. Perhaps policeman is a relative term. In an evolutionary sense, sir, the ape fades so gradually into the policeman, that I myself can never detect the shade. The monkey is only the policeman that may be. Perhaps a maiden lady on Clapham Common is only the policeman that might have been. I don’t mind being the policeman that might have been. I don’t mind being anything in German thought.”
“But maybe I misunderstood the subtleties of your German philosophy. Maybe ‘policeman’ is a relative term. In an evolutionary sense, sir, the ape gradually turns into the policeman, to the point where I can never notice the difference. The monkey is just the policeman that could be. Maybe an unmarried woman on Clapham Common is just the policeman she could have been. I don’t mind being the policeman that could have been. I don’t mind being anything in German thought.”
“Are you in the police service?” said the old man, ignoring all Syme’s improvised and desperate raillery. “Are you a detective?”
“Are you in the police force?” the old man asked, disregarding Syme’s frantic and makeshift joking. “Are you a detective?”
Syme’s heart turned to stone, but his face never changed.
Syme's heart turned to stone, but his expression never changed.
“Your suggestion is ridiculous,” he began. “Why on earth—”
“Your suggestion is absurd,” he started. “Why on earth—”
The old man struck his palsied hand passionately on the rickety table, nearly breaking it.
The old man pounded his shaking hand fiercely on the wobbly table, almost breaking it.
“Did you hear me ask a plain question, you pattering spy?” he shrieked in a high, crazy voice. “Are you, or are you not, a police detective?”
“Did you hear me ask a straightforward question, you sneaky spy?” he yelled in a high, frantic voice. “Are you, or are you not, a police detective?”
“No!” answered Syme, like a man standing on the hangman’s drop.
“No!” replied Syme, like someone about to be executed.
“You swear it,” said the old man, leaning across to him, his dead face becoming as it were loathsomely alive. “You swear it! You swear it! If you swear falsely, will you be damned? Will you be sure that the devil dances at your funeral? Will you see that the nightmare sits on your grave? Will there really be no mistake? You are an anarchist, you are a dynamiter! Above all, you are not in any sense a detective? You are not in the British police?”
“You swear it,” the old man said, leaning in closer, his lifeless face somehow looking disturbingly animated. “You swear it! You swear it! If you lie, will you be cursed? Will you be certain that the devil dances at your funeral? Will you see the nightmare sitting on your grave? Will there truly be no mistake? You are an anarchist, you're a bomb-thrower! Above all, you aren’t a detective in any way, right? You’re not part of the British police?”
He leant his angular elbow far across the table, and put up his large loose hand like a flap to his ear.
He leaned his angular elbow far across the table and raised his big, loose hand to his ear like a flap.
“I am not in the British police,” said Syme with insane calm.
“I’m not part of the British police,” Syme said calmly, as if it were completely sane.
Professor de Worms fell back in his chair with a curious air of kindly collapse.
Professor de Worms leaned back in his chair with a curious, gentle sort of surrender.
“That’s a pity,” he said, “because I am.”
"That's too bad," he said, "because I am."
Syme sprang up straight, sending back the bench behind him with a crash.
Syme jumped up suddenly, sending the bench behind him crashing down.
“Because you are what?” he said thickly. “You are what?”
“Because you are what?” he said heavily. “You are what?”
“I am a policeman,” said the Professor with his first broad smile, and beaming through his spectacles. “But as you think policeman only a relative term, of course I have nothing to do with you. I am in the British police force; but as you tell me you are not in the British police force, I can only say that I met you in a dynamiters’ club. I suppose I ought to arrest you.” And with these words he laid on the table before Syme an exact facsimile of the blue card which Syme had in his own waistcoat pocket, the symbol of his power from the police.
“I’m a cop,” the Professor said with a broad smile, beaming behind his glasses. “But since you see ‘cop’ as just a relative term, I clearly have nothing to do with you. I’m in the British police force; but since you mentioned you’re not part of the British police, I can only say I found you in a dynamiters' club. I guess I should arrest you.” With that, he placed on the table in front of Syme an exact copy of the blue card that Syme had tucked in his own waistcoat pocket, the symbol of his authority from the police.
Syme had for a flash the sensation that the cosmos had turned exactly upside down, that all trees were growing downwards and that all stars were under his feet. Then came slowly the opposite conviction. For the last twenty-four hours the cosmos had really been upside down, but now the capsized universe had come right side up again. This devil from whom he had been fleeing all day was only an elder brother of his own house, who on the other side of the table lay back and laughed at him. He did not for the moment ask any questions of detail; he only knew the happy and silly fact that this shadow, which had pursued him with an intolerable oppression of peril, was only the shadow of a friend trying to catch him up. He knew simultaneously that he was a fool and a free man. For with any recovery from morbidity there must go a certain healthy humiliation. There comes a certain point in such conditions when only three things are possible: first a perpetuation of Satanic pride, secondly tears, and third laughter. Syme’s egotism held hard to the first course for a few seconds, and then suddenly adopted the third. Taking his own blue police ticket from his own waist coat pocket, he tossed it on to the table; then he flung his head back until his spike of yellow beard almost pointed at the ceiling, and shouted with a barbaric laughter.
Syme felt, for a brief moment, that the universe had flipped completely upside down, that all the trees were growing downward and all the stars were beneath his feet. Then slowly, the opposite realization set in. The universe had indeed been upside down for the past twenty-four hours, but now it had righted itself. The figure he had been running from all day was actually just an older brother, lounging on the other side of the table and laughing at him. He didn't question anything in detail right then; all he knew was the silly and joyful fact that the shadow that had chased him with such a heavy sense of danger was just the shadow of a friend trying to catch up with him. At that moment, he understood he was both a fool and a free man. With any recovery from a low state, there comes a certain healthy humility. In times like these, there are usually three possible responses: the first is to cling to a prideful sense of self, the second is to cry, and the third is to laugh. Syme's self-importance held onto the first response for a few seconds before suddenly shifting to the third. He pulled out his own blue police ticket from his waistcoat pocket, tossed it onto the table, then threw his head back until his spike of yellow beard nearly touched the ceiling, and erupted into a wild, barbaric laughter.
Even in that close den, perpetually filled with the din of knives, plates, cans, clamorous voices, sudden struggles and stampedes, there was something Homeric in Syme’s mirth which made many half-drunken men look round.
Even in that cramped place, always filled with the noise of knives, plates, cans, loud voices, sudden fights, and chaos, there was something epic in Syme’s laughter that made many half-drunk men turn their heads.
“What yer laughing at, guv’nor?” asked one wondering labourer from the docks.
“What are you laughing at, governor?” asked one curious worker from the docks.
“At myself,” answered Syme, and went off again into the agony of his ecstatic reaction.
“At myself,” replied Syme, and slipped back into the turmoil of his intense feelings.
“Pull yourself together,” said the Professor, “or you’ll get hysterical. Have some more beer. I’ll join you.”
“Calm down,” said the Professor, “or you’ll start freaking out. Have another beer. I’ll join you.”
“You haven’t drunk your milk,” said Syme.
"You haven't had your milk," Syme said.
“My milk!” said the other, in tones of withering and unfathomable contempt, “my milk! Do you think I’d look at the beastly stuff when I’m out of sight of the bloody anarchists? We’re all Christians in this room, though perhaps,” he added, glancing around at the reeling crowd, “not strict ones. Finish my milk? Great blazes! yes, I’ll finish it right enough!” and he knocked the tumbler off the table, making a crash of glass and a splash of silver fluid.
“MY milk!” said the other, with a tone full of disdain and disbelief. “My milk! Do you really think I’d look at that disgusting stuff when I’m away from those damn anarchists? We’re all Christians in this room, though maybe,” he added, looking around at the swaying crowd, “not exactly devout ones. Finish my milk? For crying out loud! Yes, I’ll finish it, no problem!” and he knocked the glass off the table, causing a crash and a splash of silver liquid.
Syme was staring at him with a happy curiosity.
Syme was looking at him with an eager curiosity.
“I understand now,” he cried; “of course, you’re not an old man at all.”
“I get it now,” he shouted; “of course, you’re not an old man at all.”
“I can’t take my face off here,” replied Professor de Worms. “It’s rather an elaborate make-up. As to whether I’m an old man, that’s not for me to say. I was thirty-eight last birthday.”
“I can’t take my face off here,” replied Professor de Worms. “It’s quite an elaborate make-up. As for whether I’m an old man, I can’t really say. I turned thirty-eight last birthday.”
“Yes, but I mean,” said Syme impatiently, “there’s nothing the matter with you.”
“Yes, but I mean,” Syme said impatiently, “there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Yes,” answered the other dispassionately. “I am subject to colds.”
"Yes," the other replied without any emotion. "I do get colds."
Syme’s laughter at all this had about it a wild weakness of relief. He laughed at the idea of the paralytic Professor being really a young actor dressed up as if for the foot-lights. But he felt that he would have laughed as loudly if a pepperpot had fallen over.
Syme’s laughter at all this had a wild, weak sense of relief. He laughed at the thought of the paralyzed professor actually being a young actor dressed up as if for the stage. But he realized he would have laughed just as loudly if a pepper shaker had toppled over.
The false Professor drank and wiped his false beard.
The fake professor took a drink and wiped his fake beard.
“Did you know,” he asked, “that that man Gogol was one of us?”
“Did you know,” he asked, “that guy Gogol was one of us?”
“I? No, I didn’t know it,” answered Syme in some surprise. “But didn’t you?”
“I? No, I didn’t know that,” Syme replied, a bit surprised. “But didn’t you?”
“I knew no more than the dead,” replied the man who called himself de Worms. “I thought the President was talking about me, and I rattled in my boots.”
“I knew no more than the dead,” replied the man who called himself de Worms. “I thought the President was talking about me, and I was trembling in my boots.”
“And I thought he was talking about me,” said Syme, with his rather reckless laughter. “I had my hand on my revolver all the time.”
“And I thought he was talking about me,” said Syme, laughing rather recklessly. “I kept my hand on my revolver the whole time.”
“So had I,” said the Professor grimly; “so had Gogol evidently.”
"So did I," said the Professor grimly; "so did Gogol, obviously."
Syme struck the table with an exclamation.
Syme hit the table with an exclamation.
“Why, there were three of us there!” he cried. “Three out of seven is a fighting number. If we had only known that we were three!”
“Why, there were three of us there!” he shouted. “Three out of seven is a strong number. If we had only realized we were three!”
The face of Professor de Worms darkened, and he did not look up.
The expression on Professor de Worms' face turned serious, and he didn’t look up.
“We were three,” he said. “If we had been three hundred we could still have done nothing.”
“We were three,” he said. “Even if we had been three hundred, we still couldn't have done anything.”
“Not if we were three hundred against four?” asked Syme, jeering rather boisterously.
“Not if we were three hundred against four?” Syme asked, mockingly and with a bit of laughter.
“No,” said the Professor with sobriety, “not if we were three hundred against Sunday.”
“No,” said the Professor seriously, “not even if we were three hundred against Sunday.”
And the mere name struck Syme cold and serious; his laughter had died in his heart before it could die on his lips. The face of the unforgettable President sprang into his mind as startling as a coloured photograph, and he remarked this difference between Sunday and all his satellites, that their faces, however fierce or sinister, became gradually blurred by memory like other human faces, whereas Sunday’s seemed almost to grow more actual during absence, as if a man’s painted portrait should slowly come alive.
And just hearing the name made Syme feel suddenly cold and serious; his laughter faded in his heart before it could leave his lips. The unforgettable President's face flashed into his mind like a vivid photograph, and he noted this difference between Sunday and all his followers: their faces, no matter how fierce or sinister, gradually faded in his memory like any other human face, while Sunday’s seemed to become even more real during his absence, almost as if a painted portrait was coming to life.
They were both silent for a measure of moments, and then Syme’s speech came with a rush, like the sudden foaming of champagne.
They were both quiet for a moment, and then Syme spoke quickly, like the sudden fizz of champagne.
“Professor,” he cried, “it is intolerable. Are you afraid of this man?”
“Professor,” he shouted, “this is unacceptable. Are you scared of this guy?”
The Professor lifted his heavy lids, and gazed at Syme with large, wide-open, blue eyes of an almost ethereal honesty.
The Professor lifted his heavy eyelids and looked at Syme with large, wide-open, blue eyes that exuded an almost otherworldly honesty.
“Yes, I am,” he said mildly. “So are you.”
“Yes, I am,” he replied softly. “So are you.”
Syme was dumb for an instant. Then he rose to his feet erect, like an insulted man, and thrust the chair away from him.
Syme was speechless for a moment. Then he stood up straight, like a man who had just been offended, and pushed the chair away from him.
“Yes,” he said in a voice indescribable, “you are right. I am afraid of him. Therefore I swear by God that I will seek out this man whom I fear until I find him, and strike him on the mouth. If heaven were his throne and the earth his footstool, I swear that I would pull him down.”
“Yeah,” he said in a voice I can't quite describe, “you’re right. I’m afraid of him. So I swear to God that I will find this man I'm afraid of until I locate him, and punch him in the mouth. If heaven were his throne and the earth his footrest, I swear I would bring him down.”
“How?” asked the staring Professor. “Why?”
“How?” asked the shocked professor. “Why?”
“Because I am afraid of him,” said Syme; “and no man should leave in the universe anything of which he is afraid.”
"Because I'm scared of him," Syme said, "and no one should leave anything in the universe that scares them."
De Worms blinked at him with a sort of blind wonder. He made an effort to speak, but Syme went on in a low voice, but with an undercurrent of inhuman exaltation—
De Worms blinked at him with a kind of clueless amazement. He tried to speak, but Syme continued in a hushed tone, laced with a hint of unnatural excitement—
“Who would condescend to strike down the mere things that he does not fear? Who would debase himself to be merely brave, like any common prizefighter? Who would stoop to be fearless—like a tree? Fight the thing that you fear. You remember the old tale of the English clergyman who gave the last rites to the brigand of Sicily, and how on his death-bed the great robber said, ‘I can give you no money, but I can give you advice for a lifetime: your thumb on the blade, and strike upwards.’ So I say to you, strike upwards, if you strike at the stars.”
“Who would lower themselves to attack the things they don't fear? Who would degrade themselves to be simply brave, like any average fighter? Who would settle for being fearless—like a tree? Confront what you fear. You remember the old story about the English clergyman who gave the last rites to the Sicilian bandit, and how on his deathbed the notorious thief said, ‘I can't give you any money, but I can offer you advice for a lifetime: keep your thumb on the blade, and strike upwards.’ So I say to you, strike upwards, if you aim for the stars.”
The other looked at the ceiling, one of the tricks of his pose.
The other stared at the ceiling, one of the tricks of his stance.
“Sunday is a fixed star,” he said.
“Sunday is a constant in the universe,” he said.
“You shall see him a falling star,” said Syme, and put on his hat.
“You’ll see him as a falling star,” said Syme, and put on his hat.
The decision of his gesture drew the Professor vaguely to his feet.
The decision behind his gesture made the Professor somewhat rise to his feet.
“Have you any idea,” he asked, with a sort of benevolent bewilderment, “exactly where you are going?”
“Do you have any idea,” he asked, with a kind of friendly confusion, “exactly where you’re headed?”
“Yes,” replied Syme shortly, “I am going to prevent this bomb being thrown in Paris.”
“Yes,” Syme replied curtly, “I’m going to stop this bomb from being thrown in Paris.”
“Have you any conception how?” inquired the other.
“Do you have any idea how?” the other asked.
“No,” said Syme with equal decision.
“No,” Syme replied firmly.
“You remember, of course,” resumed the soi-disant de Worms, pulling his beard and looking out of the window, “that when we broke up rather hurriedly the whole arrangements for the atrocity were left in the private hands of the Marquis and Dr. Bull. The Marquis is by this time probably crossing the Channel. But where he will go and what he will do it is doubtful whether even the President knows; certainly we don’t know. The only man who does know is Dr. Bull.”
“You remember, of course,” continued the so-called de Worms, tugging at his beard and gazing out the window, “that when we ended things rather abruptly, all the plans for the atrocity were handed over to the Marquis and Dr. Bull. The Marquis is probably crossing the Channel by now. But where he will go and what he will do, even the President might not know; certainly we don’t have a clue. The only person who does know is Dr. Bull.”
“Confound it!” cried Syme. “And we don’t know where he is.”
“Damn it!” exclaimed Syme. “And we have no idea where he is.”
“Yes,” said the other in his curious, absent-minded way, “I know where he is myself.”
“Yes,” the other replied absentmindedly, “I know where he is myself.”
“Will you tell me?” asked Syme with eager eyes.
“Will you tell me?” Syme asked, his eyes full of excitement.
“I will take you there,” said the Professor, and took down his own hat from a peg.
“I'll take you there,” said the Professor, as he took his hat down from a peg.
Syme stood looking at him with a sort of rigid excitement.
Syme stood looking at him with a kind of tense excitement.
“What do you mean?” he asked sharply. “Will you join me? Will you take the risk?”
“What do you mean?” he asked sharply. “Will you join me? Are you willing to take the risk?”
“Young man,” said the Professor pleasantly, “I am amused to observe that you think I am a coward. As to that I will say only one word, and that shall be entirely in the manner of your own philosophical rhetoric. You think that it is possible to pull down the President. I know that it is impossible, and I am going to try it,” and opening the tavern door, which let in a blast of bitter air, they went out together into the dark streets by the docks.
“Young man,” the Professor said cheerfully, “I find it funny that you think I’m a coward. I’ll say just one thing in your own philosophical style. You believe it’s possible to take down the President. I know that it’s impossible, and I’m going to try it.” With that, he opened the tavern door, letting in a blast of cold air, and they stepped out together into the dark streets by the docks.
Most of the snow was melted or trampled to mud, but here and there a clot of it still showed grey rather than white in the gloom. The small streets were sloppy and full of pools, which reflected the flaming lamps irregularly, and by accident, like fragments of some other and fallen world. Syme felt almost dazed as he stepped through this growing confusion of lights and shadows; but his companion walked on with a certain briskness, towards where, at the end of the street, an inch or two of the lamplit river looked like a bar of flame.
Most of the snow had melted or been trampled into mud, but here and there a lump of it still appeared gray rather than white in the dim light. The narrow streets were messy and filled with puddles that reflected the flickering lamps in an uneven way, like pieces of some other, shattered world. Syme felt almost dizzy as he moved through this increasing chaos of light and shadow; but his companion walked on with a certain energy, towards where, at the end of the street, a small stretch of the lamplit river looked like a strip of fire.
“Where are you going?” Syme inquired.
“Where are you headed?” Syme asked.
“Just now,” answered the Professor, “I am going just round the corner to see whether Dr. Bull has gone to bed. He is hygienic, and retires early.”
“Right now,” the Professor replied, “I’m just heading around the corner to check if Dr. Bull has gone to bed. He’s health-conscious and goes to sleep early.”
“Dr. Bull!” exclaimed Syme. “Does he live round the corner?”
“Dr. Bull!” Syme exclaimed. “Does he live just around the corner?”
“No,” answered his friend. “As a matter of fact he lives some way off, on the other side of the river, but we can tell from here whether he has gone to bed.”
“No,” his friend replied. “Actually, he lives a bit far away, on the other side of the river, but we can see from here if he’s gone to bed.”
Turning the corner as he spoke, and facing the dim river, flecked with flame, he pointed with his stick to the other bank. On the Surrey side at this point there ran out into the Thames, seeming almost to overhang it, a bulk and cluster of those tall tenements, dotted with lighted windows, and rising like factory chimneys to an almost insane height. Their special poise and position made one block of buildings especially look like a Tower of Babel with a hundred eyes. Syme had never seen any of the sky-scraping buildings in America, so he could only think of the buildings in a dream.
Turning the corner as he spoke and facing the dim river, flickering with light, he pointed with his stick to the opposite bank. On the Surrey side at this point, there jutted out into the Thames, almost overhanging it, a mass of tall buildings, filled with lit windows, rising like factory chimneys to a dizzying height. The unique shape and position of one block of buildings made it look especially like a Tower of Babel with a hundred eyes. Syme had never seen any of the towering buildings in America, so he could only imagine them in a dream.
Even as he stared, the highest light in this innumerably lighted turret abruptly went out, as if this black Argus had winked at him with one of his innumerable eyes.
Even as he looked, the brightest light in this countless tower suddenly went out, as if this black Argus had winked at him with one of its many eyes.
Professor de Worms swung round on his heel, and struck his stick against his boot.
Professor de Worms turned on his heel and tapped his stick against his boot.
“We are too late,” he said, “the hygienic Doctor has gone to bed.”
“We're too late,” he said, “the doctor has already gone to bed.”
“What do you mean?” asked Syme. “Does he live over there, then?”
“What do you mean?” Syme asked. “Does he live over there, then?”
“Yes,” said de Worms, “behind that particular window which you can’t see. Come along and get some dinner. We must call on him tomorrow morning.”
“Yes,” said de Worms, “behind that specific window which you can’t see. Come on and let’s have some dinner. We need to visit him tomorrow morning.”
Without further parley, he led the way through several by-ways until they came out into the flare and clamour of the East India Dock Road. The Professor, who seemed to know his way about the neighbourhood, proceeded to a place where the line of lighted shops fell back into a sort of abrupt twilight and quiet, in which an old white inn, all out of repair, stood back some twenty feet from the road.
Without any further discussion, he took the lead through a few side streets until they emerged into the bright lights and noise of East India Dock Road. The Professor, who appeared familiar with the area, headed towards a spot where the row of lit shops gave way to a sudden sense of twilight and calm, where an old white inn, quite rundown, was set back about twenty feet from the road.
“You can find good English inns left by accident everywhere, like fossils,” explained the Professor. “I once found a decent place in the West End.”
“You can stumble upon great English inns everywhere, just like fossils,” the Professor explained. “I once discovered a nice spot in the West End.”
“I suppose,” said Syme, smiling, “that this is the corresponding decent place in the East End?”
“I guess,” said Syme with a smile, “that this is the equivalent nice spot in the East End?”
“It is,” said the Professor reverently, and went in.
“It is,” the Professor said with great respect, and went inside.
In that place they dined and slept, both very thoroughly. The beans and bacon, which these unaccountable people cooked well, the astonishing emergence of Burgundy from their cellars, crowned Syme’s sense of a new comradeship and comfort. Through all this ordeal his root horror had been isolation, and there are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one. That is why, in spite of a hundred disadvantages, the world will always return to monogamy.
In that place, they ate and slept well. The beans and bacon, which these strange people cooked perfectly, along with the surprising appearance of Burgundy from their cellars, enhanced Syme’s feeling of a new friendship and comfort. Throughout this ordeal, his main fear had been being alone, and there are no words to describe the vast difference between being isolated and having one ally. It can be acknowledged by mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not just twice one; two is two thousand times one. That’s why, despite a hundred disadvantages, the world will always revert to monogamy.
Syme was able to pour out for the first time the whole of his outrageous tale, from the time when Gregory had taken him to the little tavern by the river. He did it idly and amply, in a luxuriant monologue, as a man speaks with very old friends. On his side, also, the man who had impersonated Professor de Worms was not less communicative. His own story was almost as silly as Syme’s.
Syme was able to share his entire wild story for the first time, starting from when Gregory had taken him to the small tavern by the river. He spoke casually and at length, in a rich monologue, like someone chatting with very old friends. The man who had pretended to be Professor de Worms was just as talkative. His own story was nearly as absurd as Syme's.
“That’s a good get-up of yours,” said Syme, draining a glass of Macon; “a lot better than old Gogol’s. Even at the start I thought he was a bit too hairy.”
“Nice outfit you’ve got there,” said Syme, finishing a glass of Macon; “way better than old Gogol’s. Right from the beginning, I thought he was a little too hairy.”
“A difference of artistic theory,” replied the Professor pensively. “Gogol was an idealist. He made up as the abstract or platonic ideal of an anarchist. But I am a realist. I am a portrait painter. But, indeed, to say that I am a portrait painter is an inadequate expression. I am a portrait.”
“A difference in artistic theory,” the Professor replied thoughtfully. “Gogol was an idealist. He created the abstract or platonic ideal of an anarchist. But I’m a realist. I’m a portrait painter. Actually, saying I’m a portrait painter doesn’t fully capture it. I am a portrait.”
“I don’t understand you,” said Syme.
“I don’t get you,” said Syme.
“I am a portrait,” repeated the Professor. “I am a portrait of the celebrated Professor de Worms, who is, I believe, in Naples.”
“I am a portrait,” repeated the Professor. “I am a portrait of the famous Professor de Worms, who, I think, is in Naples.”
“You mean you are made up like him,” said Syme. “But doesn’t he know that you are taking his nose in vain?”
“You mean you’re dressed up like him,” said Syme. “But doesn’t he realize you’re mocking his nose?”
“He knows it right enough,” replied his friend cheerfully.
“He knows it for sure,” replied his friend cheerfully.
“Then why doesn’t he denounce you?”
“Then why doesn’t he speak out against you?”
“I have denounced him,” answered the Professor.
“I have condemned him,” answered the Professor.
“Do explain yourself,” said Syme.
"Please explain yourself," said Syme.
“With pleasure, if you don’t mind hearing my story,” replied the eminent foreign philosopher. “I am by profession an actor, and my name is Wilks. When I was on the stage I mixed with all sorts of Bohemian and blackguard company. Sometimes I touched the edge of the turf, sometimes the riff-raff of the arts, and occasionally the political refugee. In some den of exiled dreamers I was introduced to the great German Nihilist philosopher, Professor de Worms. I did not gather much about him beyond his appearance, which was very disgusting, and which I studied carefully. I understood that he had proved that the destructive principle in the universe was God; hence he insisted on the need for a furious and incessant energy, rending all things in pieces. Energy, he said, was the All. He was lame, shortsighted, and partially paralytic. When I met him I was in a frivolous mood, and I disliked him so much that I resolved to imitate him. If I had been a draughtsman I would have drawn a caricature. I was only an actor, I could only act a caricature. I made myself up into what was meant for a wild exaggeration of the old Professor’s dirty old self. When I went into the room full of his supporters I expected to be received with a roar of laughter, or (if they were too far gone) with a roar of indignation at the insult. I cannot describe the surprise I felt when my entrance was received with a respectful silence, followed (when I had first opened my lips) with a murmur of admiration. The curse of the perfect artist had fallen upon me. I had been too subtle, I had been too true. They thought I really was the great Nihilist Professor. I was a healthy-minded young man at the time, and I confess that it was a blow. Before I could fully recover, however, two or three of these admirers ran up to me radiating indignation, and told me that a public insult had been put upon me in the next room. I inquired its nature. It seemed that an impertinent fellow had dressed himself up as a preposterous parody of myself. I had drunk more champagne than was good for me, and in a flash of folly I decided to see the situation through. Consequently it was to meet the glare of the company and my own lifted eyebrows and freezing eyes that the real Professor came into the room.
“With pleasure, if you don’t mind hearing my story,” replied the famous foreign philosopher. “I’m an actor by trade, and my name is Wilks. When I was on stage, I mingled with all sorts of Bohemian and shady characters. Sometimes I brushed shoulders with the elite, sometimes with the riff-raff of the arts, and occasionally with political refugees. In some hangout for exiled dreamers, I met the great German Nihilist philosopher, Professor de Worms. I didn’t learn much about him beyond his appearance, which I found quite disgusting, and I studied it carefully. I understood that he had claimed the destructive force in the universe was God; hence he insisted on the need for furious and relentless energy that tears everything apart. Energy, he said, was everything. He was lame, short-sighted, and partially paralyzed. When I met him, I was feeling playful, and I disliked him so much that I decided to impersonate him. If I had been a cartoonist, I would have drawn a caricature. But I was just an actor, so I could only perform a caricature. I got myself up to be a wild exaggeration of the old Professor’s dirty old self. When I walked into the room full of his supporters, I expected to be met with a roar of laughter or (if they were too far gone) a roar of outrage at the insult. I can't describe the shock I felt when my entrance was greeted with respectful silence, followed (once I opened my mouth) by a murmur of admiration. The curse of the perfect artist had struck me. I had been too subtle, too accurate. They thought I really was the great Nihilist Professor. I was a healthy-minded young man at the time, and I admit it hit me hard. Before I could fully recover, however, a couple of these admirers rushed up to me, radiating anger, and told me that I had been publicly insulted in the next room. I asked what they meant. It turned out that an impudent guy had dressed himself up as a ridiculous parody of me. I had drunk more champagne than I should have, and in a moment of reckless folly, I decided to face the situation. So, it was to meet the gaze of the crowd and my own raised eyebrows and icy stare that the real Professor walked into the room.
“I need hardly say there was a collision. The pessimists all round me looked anxiously from one Professor to the other Professor to see which was really the more feeble. But I won. An old man in poor health, like my rival, could not be expected to be so impressively feeble as a young actor in the prime of life. You see, he really had paralysis, and working within this definite limitation, he couldn’t be so jolly paralytic as I was. Then he tried to blast my claims intellectually. I countered that by a very simple dodge. Whenever he said something that nobody but he could understand, I replied with something which I could not even understand myself. ‘I don’t fancy,’ he said, ‘that you could have worked out the principle that evolution is only negation, since there inheres in it the introduction of lacuna, which are an essential of differentiation.’ I replied quite scornfully, ‘You read all that up in Pinckwerts; the notion that involution functioned eugenically was exposed long ago by Glumpe.’ It is unnecessary for me to say that there never were such people as Pinckwerts and Glumpe. But the people all round (rather to my surprise) seemed to remember them quite well, and the Professor, finding that the learned and mysterious method left him rather at the mercy of an enemy slightly deficient in scruples, fell back upon a more popular form of wit. ‘I see,’ he sneered, ‘you prevail like the false pig in Æsop.’ ‘And you fail,’ I answered, smiling, ‘like the hedgehog in Montaigne.’ Need I say that there is no hedgehog in Montaigne? ‘Your claptrap comes off,’ he said; ‘so would your beard.’ I had no intelligent answer to this, which was quite true and rather witty. But I laughed heartily, answered, ‘Like the Pantheist’s boots,’ at random, and turned on my heel with all the honours of victory. The real Professor was thrown out, but not with violence, though one man tried very patiently to pull off his nose. He is now, I believe, received everywhere in Europe as a delightful impostor. His apparent earnestness and anger, you see, make him all the more entertaining.”
“I hardly need to say there was a collision. The pessimists around me anxiously looked from one Professor to the other to see which one was really weaker. But I won. An old man in poor health, like my rival, couldn't be expected to seem as impressively weak as a young actor in the prime of life. You see, he actually had paralysis, and working within that limitation, he couldn’t be quite as amusingly paralyzed as I was. Then he tried to undermine my claims intellectually. I countered that with a pretty simple trick. Whenever he said something that only he could understand, I responded with something I couldn't even grasp myself. ‘I don't think,’ he said, ‘that you could have figured out that evolution is only negation, since it involves the introduction of gaps, which are essential for differentiation.’ I retorted quite scornfully, ‘You read all that in Pinckwerts; the idea that involution worked eugenically was debunked a long time ago by Glumpe.’ It’s unnecessary for me to say that there were never such people as Pinckwerts and Glumpe. But the crowd around (much to my surprise) seemed to remember them quite well, and the Professor, realizing that the learned and mysterious approach left him somewhat vulnerable to an opponent with a slight lack of scruples, resorted to a more popular form of wit. ‘I see,’ he sneered, ‘you succeed like the false pig in Aesop.’ ‘And you fail,’ I replied, smiling, ‘like the hedgehog in Montaigne.’ Need I mention that there is no hedgehog in Montaigne? ‘Your nonsense falls apart,’ he said; ‘so would your beard.’ I had no clever reply to this, which was quite true and rather witty. But I laughed heartily, answered ‘Like the Pantheist’s boots,’ at random, and turned on my heel with all the honors of victory. The real Professor was ousted, but not violently, though one man tried very patiently to pull off his nose. He is now, I believe, widely accepted across Europe as a charming impostor. His apparent seriousness and anger, you see, make him all the more entertaining.”
“Well,” said Syme, “I can understand your putting on his dirty old beard for a night’s practical joke, but I don’t understand your never taking it off again.”
“Well,” Syme said, “I get that you wore his dirty old beard for a night of fun, but I don’t understand why you never took it off again.”
“That is the rest of the story,” said the impersonator. “When I myself left the company, followed by reverent applause, I went limping down the dark street, hoping that I should soon be far enough away to be able to walk like a human being. To my astonishment, as I was turning the corner, I felt a touch on the shoulder, and turning, found myself under the shadow of an enormous policeman. He told me I was wanted. I struck a sort of paralytic attitude, and cried in a high German accent, ‘Yes, I am wanted—by the oppressed of the world. You are arresting me on the charge of being the great anarchist, Professor de Worms.’ The policeman impassively consulted a paper in his hand, ‘No, sir,’ he said civilly, ‘at least, not exactly, sir. I am arresting you on the charge of not being the celebrated anarchist, Professor de Worms.’ This charge, if it was criminal at all, was certainly the lighter of the two, and I went along with the man, doubtful, but not greatly dismayed. I was shown into a number of rooms, and eventually into the presence of a police officer, who explained that a serious campaign had been opened against the centres of anarchy, and that this, my successful masquerade, might be of considerable value to the public safety. He offered me a good salary and this little blue card. Though our conversation was short, he struck me as a man of very massive common sense and humour; but I cannot tell you much about him personally, because—”
“That’s the rest of the story,” said the impersonator. “After I left the company, welcomed by applause, I limped down the dark street, hoping to get far enough away to walk normally. To my surprise, as I turned the corner, I felt a touch on my shoulder and found myself facing an enormous policeman. He told me I was wanted. I froze in place and exclaimed in a high German accent, ‘Yes, I am wanted—by the oppressed of the world. You’re arresting me for being the great anarchist, Professor de Worms.’ The policeman, unfazed, checked a paper in his hand and said politely, ‘No, sir, at least not exactly. I’m arresting you for not being the celebrated anarchist, Professor de Worms.’ If there was any crime in that, it was certainly a lesser one, and I went along with the officer, unsure but not too alarmed. I was taken through several rooms and eventually met a police officer who explained that a serious campaign had been launched against centers of anarchy. He said my successful impersonation could be very valuable for public safety. He offered me a good salary and this little blue card. Although our conversation was brief, he seemed like a man of solid common sense and humor; but I can’t tell you much more about him personally, because—”
Syme laid down his knife and fork.
Syme set down his knife and fork.
“I know,” he said, “because you talked to him in a dark room.”
“I know,” he said, “because you spoke to him in a dark room.”
Professor de Worms nodded and drained his glass.
Professor de Worms nodded and finished his drink.
CHAPTER IX.
THE MAN IN SPECTACLES
“Burgundy is a jolly thing,” said the Professor sadly, as he set his glass down.
“Burgundy is a cheerful thing,” said the Professor sadly, as he set his glass down.
“You don’t look as if it were,” said Syme; “you drink it as if it were medicine.”
“You don’t look like it,” said Syme; “you drink it like it’s medicine.”
“You must excuse my manner,” said the Professor dismally, “my position is rather a curious one. Inside I am really bursting with boyish merriment; but I acted the paralytic Professor so well, that now I can’t leave off. So that when I am among friends, and have no need at all to disguise myself, I still can’t help speaking slow and wrinkling my forehead—just as if it were my forehead. I can be quite happy, you understand, but only in a paralytic sort of way. The most buoyant exclamations leap up in my heart, but they come out of my mouth quite different. You should hear me say, ‘Buck up, old cock!’ It would bring tears to your eyes.”
“You’ve got to forgive my behavior,” the Professor said sadly, “my situation is quite strange. Inside, I’m actually bursting with youthful joy; but I played the role of a paralytic Professor so convincingly that I can’t stop. So even when I’m with friends and don’t need to hide who I am, I still can’t help but speak slowly and furrow my brow—just as if it were really my brow. I can be quite happy, you see, but only in a kind of paralytic way. The most cheerful thoughts pop up in my heart, but they come out of my mouth all wrong. You should hear me say, ‘Cheer up, mate!’ It would bring tears to your eyes.”
“It does,” said Syme; “but I cannot help thinking that apart from all that you are really a bit worried.”
“It does,” Syme said, “but I can’t shake the feeling that, aside from all that, you’re actually a little worried.”
The Professor started a little and looked at him steadily.
The Professor jumped slightly and stared at him intently.
“You are a very clever fellow,” he said, “it is a pleasure to work with you. Yes, I have rather a heavy cloud in my head. There is a great problem to face,” and he sank his bald brow in his two hands.
“You’re a really smart guy,” he said, “it’s a pleasure to work with you. Yeah, I’ve got a lot weighing on my mind. There’s a big problem to tackle,” and he buried his bald forehead in his hands.
Then he said in a low voice—
Then he said softly—
“Can you play the piano?”
“Can you play piano?”
“Yes,” said Syme in simple wonder, “I’m supposed to have a good touch.”
“Yes,” Syme said, genuinely surprised, “I’m supposedly good at this.”
Then, as the other did not speak, he added—
Then, since the other person didn't say anything, he added—
“I trust the great cloud is lifted.”
“I hope the big cloud has cleared.”
After a long silence, the Professor said out of the cavernous shadow of his hands—
After a long silence, the Professor said from the deep shadow of his hands—
“It would have done just as well if you could work a typewriter.”
“It would have been just as good if you could use a typewriter.”
“Thank you,” said Syme, “you flatter me.”
“Thanks,” said Syme, “you’re too kind.”
“Listen to me,” said the other, “and remember whom we have to see tomorrow. You and I are going tomorrow to attempt something which is very much more dangerous than trying to steal the Crown Jewels out of the Tower. We are trying to steal a secret from a very sharp, very strong, and very wicked man. I believe there is no man, except the President, of course, who is so seriously startling and formidable as that little grinning fellow in goggles. He has not perhaps the white-hot enthusiasm unto death, the mad martyrdom for anarchy, which marks the Secretary. But then that very fanaticism in the Secretary has a human pathos, and is almost a redeeming trait. But the little Doctor has a brutal sanity that is more shocking than the Secretary’s disease. Don’t you notice his detestable virility and vitality. He bounces like an india-rubber ball. Depend on it, Sunday was not asleep (I wonder if he ever sleeps?) when he locked up all the plans of this outrage in the round, black head of Dr. Bull.”
"Listen to me," said the other, "and remember who we have to meet tomorrow. You and I are going to try something that’s much more dangerous than stealing the Crown Jewels from the Tower. We’re trying to take a secret from a very clever, very strong, and very evil man. I’m convinced there’s no one, except the President, of course, who is as seriously unsettling and intimidating as that little grinning guy in goggles. He might not have the insane passion for chaos that the Secretary does, but that very fanaticism in the Secretary has a human quality, and it’s almost a redeeming trait. However, the little Doctor has a brutal clarity that’s more shocking than the Secretary’s madness. Don’t you notice his disgusting energy and enthusiasm? He bounces around like a rubber ball. You can bet that Sunday wasn’t sleeping (I wonder if he ever does?) when he locked up all the plans for this scheme in the round, black head of Dr. Bull."
“And you think,” said Syme, “that this unique monster will be soothed if I play the piano to him?”
“And you think,” said Syme, “that this one-of-a-kind monster will be calmed if I play the piano for him?”
“Don’t be an ass,” said his mentor. “I mentioned the piano because it gives one quick and independent fingers. Syme, if we are to go through this interview and come out sane or alive, we must have some code of signals between us that this brute will not see. I have made a rough alphabetical cypher corresponding to the five fingers—like this, see,” and he rippled with his fingers on the wooden table—“B A D, bad, a word we may frequently require.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” said his mentor. “I brought up the piano because it helps develop quick and independent fingers. Syme, if we want to get through this interview and come out sane or alive, we need a code of signals between us that this brute won’t notice. I’ve created a basic alphabetical cipher that corresponds to the five fingers—like this, see,” and he tapped his fingers on the wooden table—“B A D, bad, a word we might often need.”
Syme poured himself out another glass of wine, and began to study the scheme. He was abnormally quick with his brains at puzzles, and with his hands at conjuring, and it did not take him long to learn how he might convey simple messages by what would seem to be idle taps upon a table or knee. But wine and companionship had always the effect of inspiring him to a farcical ingenuity, and the Professor soon found himself struggling with the too vast energy of the new language, as it passed through the heated brain of Syme.
Syme poured himself another glass of wine and started to examine the plan. He was unusually quick-witted when it came to puzzles and skilled with his hands at tricks, so it didn't take him long to figure out how to send simple messages with what looked like random taps on a table or knee. However, wine and good company always inspired him to a comical creativity, and the Professor soon found himself grappling with the overwhelming energy of the new language as it flowed through Syme's excited mind.
“We must have several word-signs,” said Syme seriously—“words that we are likely to want, fine shades of meaning. My favourite word is ‘coeval’. What’s yours?”
“We need to have a few key words,” Syme said seriously, “words that we’re likely to need, subtle distinctions in meaning. My favorite word is ‘coeval’. What about you?”
“Do stop playing the goat,” said the Professor plaintively. “You don’t know how serious this is.”
“Stop acting like a fool,” the Professor said sadly. “You don’t understand how serious this is.”
“‘Lush’ too,” said Syme, shaking his head sagaciously, “we must have ‘lush’—word applied to grass, don’t you know?”
“‘Lush’ too,” said Syme, shaking his head wisely, “we need ‘lush’—it's a word used for grass, you know?”
“Do you imagine,” asked the Professor furiously, “that we are going to talk to Dr. Bull about grass?”
“Do you really think,” the Professor asked angrily, “that we’re going to discuss grass with Dr. Bull?”
“There are several ways in which the subject could be approached,” said Syme reflectively, “and the word introduced without appearing forced. We might say, ‘Dr. Bull, as a revolutionist, you remember that a tyrant once advised us to eat grass; and indeed many of us, looking on the fresh lush grass of summer...’”
“There are several ways we could tackle this topic,” said Syme thoughtfully, “and we can bring the word in without it sounding awkward. We could say, ‘Dr. Bull, as a revolutionary, you remember that a dictator once suggested we eat grass; and in fact, many of us, gazing at the lush green grass of summer...’”
“Do you understand,” said the other, “that this is a tragedy?”
“Do you understand,” said the other, “that this is a tragedy?”
“Perfectly,” replied Syme; “always be comic in a tragedy. What the deuce else can you do? I wish this language of yours had a wider scope. I suppose we could not extend it from the fingers to the toes? That would involve pulling off our boots and socks during the conversation, which however unobtrusively performed—”
“Perfectly,” replied Syme; “you should always bring humor into a tragedy. What else can you do? I wish your language was broader. I guess we can’t extend it from our fingers to our toes? That would mean taking off our boots and socks during the conversation, which would be a bit awkward—”
“Syme,” said his friend with a stern simplicity, “go to bed!”
“Syme,” his friend said seriously, “go to bed!”
Syme, however, sat up in bed for a considerable time mastering the new code. He was awakened next morning while the east was still sealed with darkness, and found his grey-bearded ally standing like a ghost beside his bed.
Syme, however, sat up in bed for a while going over the new code. He was woken up the next morning while the east was still shrouded in darkness, and found his grey-bearded friend standing like a ghost beside his bed.
Syme sat up in bed blinking; then slowly collected his thoughts, threw off the bed-clothes, and stood up. It seemed to him in some curious way that all the safety and sociability of the night before fell with the bedclothes off him, and he stood up in an air of cold danger. He still felt an entire trust and loyalty towards his companion; but it was the trust between two men going to the scaffold.
Syme sat up in bed, blinking; then slowly gathered his thoughts, tossed off the blankets, and got up. In a strange way, it felt like all the comfort and friendliness of the night before disappeared with the covers. He stood there in a chill of danger. He still felt complete trust and loyalty toward his friend; but it was the trust between two men walking to their execution.
“Well,” said Syme with a forced cheerfulness as he pulled on his trousers, “I dreamt of that alphabet of yours. Did it take you long to make it up?”
“Well,” Syme said with a fake cheerfulness as he put on his pants, “I dreamt about that alphabet of yours. Did it take you long to create it?”
The Professor made no answer, but gazed in front of him with eyes the colour of a wintry sea; so Syme repeated his question.
The Professor didn’t answer but stared ahead with eyes the color of a wintery sea, so Syme asked his question again.
“I say, did it take you long to invent all this? I’m considered good at these things, and it was a good hour’s grind. Did you learn it all on the spot?”
"I mean, did it take you a long time to come up with all this? I'm thought to be pretty good at these things, and it took me a solid hour of effort. Did you figure it all out on the fly?"
The Professor was silent; his eyes were wide open, and he wore a fixed but very small smile.
The Professor was quiet; his eyes were wide open, and he had a slight but steady smile.
“How long did it take you?”
“How long did it take you?”
The Professor did not move.
The professor stayed still.
“Confound you, can’t you answer?” called out Syme, in a sudden anger that had something like fear underneath. Whether or no the Professor could answer, he did not.
“Damn it, can’t you respond?” yelled Syme, with a burst of anger that had a hint of fear behind it. Whether the Professor could respond or not, he didn’t.
Syme stood staring back at the stiff face like parchment and the blank, blue eyes. His first thought was that the Professor had gone mad, but his second thought was more frightful. After all, what did he know about this queer creature whom he had heedlessly accepted as a friend? What did he know, except that the man had been at the anarchist breakfast and had told him a ridiculous tale? How improbable it was that there should be another friend there beside Gogol! Was this man’s silence a sensational way of declaring war? Was this adamantine stare after all only the awful sneer of some threefold traitor, who had turned for the last time? He stood and strained his ears in this heartless silence. He almost fancied he could hear dynamiters come to capture him shifting softly in the corridor outside.
Syme stared back at the stiff, parchment-like face and the blank blue eyes. His first thought was that the Professor had lost his mind, but his second thought was even more terrifying. After all, what did he really know about this strange person he had carelessly accepted as a friend? What did he know, other than that the man had been at the anarchist breakfast and had told him a ridiculous story? How unlikely was it that there was another friend there besides Gogol? Was this man's silence a dramatic way of starting a fight? Was this unwavering gaze just the terrifying smirk of a threefold traitor who had turned against him for the last time? He stood there, straining to hear in the chilling silence. He almost thought he could hear the dynamiters creeping softly in the corridor outside.
Then his eye strayed downwards, and he burst out laughing. Though the Professor himself stood there as voiceless as a statue, his five dumb fingers were dancing alive upon the dead table. Syme watched the twinkling movements of the talking hand, and read clearly the message—
Then his gaze shifted downwards, and he started laughing. Although the Professor himself stood there as silent as a statue, his five motionless fingers were animatedly moving on the lifeless table. Syme observed the sparkling movements of the talking hand and clearly understood the message—
“I will only talk like this. We must get used to it.”
“I'll only speak like this. We need to get used to it.”
He rapped out the answer with the impatience of relief—
He answered quickly, his relief making him impatient—
“All right. Let’s get out to breakfast.”
“All right. Let’s go get breakfast.”
They took their hats and sticks in silence; but as Syme took his sword-stick, he held it hard.
They grabbed their hats and canes quietly; but when Syme picked up his sword cane, he gripped it tightly.
They paused for a few minutes only to stuff down coffee and coarse thick sandwiches at a coffee stall, and then made their way across the river, which under the grey and growing light looked as desolate as Acheron. They reached the bottom of the huge block of buildings which they had seen from across the river, and began in silence to mount the naked and numberless stone steps, only pausing now and then to make short remarks on the rail of the banisters. At about every other flight they passed a window; each window showed them a pale and tragic dawn lifting itself laboriously over London. From each the innumerable roofs of slate looked like the leaden surges of a grey, troubled sea after rain. Syme was increasingly conscious that his new adventure had somehow a quality of cold sanity worse than the wild adventures of the past. Last night, for instance, the tall tenements had seemed to him like a tower in a dream. As he now went up the weary and perpetual steps, he was daunted and bewildered by their almost infinite series. But it was not the hot horror of a dream or of anything that might be exaggeration or delusion. Their infinity was more like the empty infinity of arithmetic, something unthinkable, yet necessary to thought. Or it was like the stunning statements of astronomy about the distance of the fixed stars. He was ascending the house of reason, a thing more hideous than unreason itself.
They took a short break to gulp down coffee and thick sandwiches at a coffee stand, then headed across the river, which looked as bleak as Acheron under the dull, growing light. They arrived at the base of the massive block of buildings they had seen from across the water and started climbing the bare, endless stone steps in silence, only occasionally pausing to make brief comments on the banister rail. About every other flight, they passed a window; each one revealed a pale, tragic dawn struggling to rise over London. From each window, the countless slate roofs appeared like the heavy waves of a grey, troubled sea after rain. Syme increasingly realized that his new adventure had a cold sanity to it that was worse than the wild experiences of his past. Last night, for example, the tall buildings had seemed to him like a tower from a dream. Now, as he climbed the exhausting, never-ending steps, he felt intimidated and puzzled by their seemingly infinite series. But it wasn’t the terrifying horror of a dream or anything that could be seen as exaggeration or delusion. Their infinity was more like the empty vastness of arithmetic, something unimaginable yet essential to thought. Or it resembled the jaw-dropping facts of astronomy about the distance of the fixed stars. He was climbing the house of reason, a thing more horrifying than madness itself.
By the time they reached Dr. Bull’s landing, a last window showed them a harsh, white dawn edged with banks of a kind of coarse red, more like red clay than red cloud. And when they entered Dr. Bull’s bare garret it was full of light.
By the time they got to Dr. Bull’s landing, one last window revealed a harsh, bright dawn surrounded by banks of a coarse red, resembling red clay more than red clouds. And when they stepped into Dr. Bull’s empty attic, it was filled with light.
Syme had been haunted by a half historic memory in connection with these empty rooms and that austere daybreak. The moment he saw the garret and Dr. Bull sitting writing at a table, he remembered what the memory was—the French Revolution. There should have been the black outline of a guillotine against that heavy red and white of the morning. Dr. Bull was in his white shirt and black breeches only; his cropped, dark head might well have just come out of its wig; he might have been Marat or a more slipshod Robespierre.
Syme had been haunted by a vague, historical memory tied to these empty rooms and that stark dawn. As soon as he saw the attic and Dr. Bull sitting at a table writing, he recalled what the memory was—the French Revolution. There should have been the dark silhouette of a guillotine against the heavy red and white of the morning sky. Dr. Bull was only wearing his white shirt and black pants; his short, dark hair might have just come out of a wig; he could have been Marat or a more disheveled Robespierre.
Yet when he was seen properly, the French fancy fell away. The Jacobins were idealists; there was about this man a murderous materialism. His position gave him a somewhat new appearance. The strong, white light of morning coming from one side creating sharp shadows, made him seem both more pale and more angular than he had looked at the breakfast on the balcony. Thus the two black glasses that encased his eyes might really have been black cavities in his skull, making him look like a death’s-head. And, indeed, if ever Death himself sat writing at a wooden table, it might have been he.
Yet when he was seen clearly, the French charm faded. The Jacobins were idealists; this man carried a deadly materialism. His position gave him a somewhat different look. The bright morning light coming from one side created sharp shadows, making him appear more pale and angular than he had during breakfast on the balcony. Thus, the two dark glasses covering his eyes might as well have been black holes in his skull, giving him the look of a skull. And, indeed, if Death himself ever sat writing at a wooden table, it could have been him.
He looked up and smiled brightly enough as the men came in, and rose with the resilient rapidity of which the Professor had spoken. He set chairs for both of them, and going to a peg behind the door, proceeded to put on a coat and waistcoat of rough, dark tweed; he buttoned it up neatly, and came back to sit down at his table.
He looked up and smiled warmly as the men entered, and got up quickly like the Professor had mentioned. He pulled out chairs for both of them, and then went to a hook behind the door to put on a rough, dark tweed coat and waistcoat. He buttoned it up neatly and returned to sit down at his table.
The quiet good humour of his manner left his two opponents helpless. It was with some momentary difficulty that the Professor broke silence and began, “I’m sorry to disturb you so early, comrade,” said he, with a careful resumption of the slow de Worms manner. “You have no doubt made all the arrangements for the Paris affair?” Then he added with infinite slowness, “We have information which renders intolerable anything in the nature of a moment’s delay.”
The calm and good-natured way he acted left his two opponents powerless. After a brief moment of hesitation, the Professor finally spoke up, saying, “I’m sorry to bother you so early, comrade,” he said, carefully slipping back into his slow de Worms style. “You’ve probably made all the plans for the Paris situation, right?” Then he added, speaking incredibly slowly, “We have information that makes any kind of delay absolutely unacceptable.”
Dr. Bull smiled again, but continued to gaze on them without speaking. The Professor resumed, a pause before each weary word—
Dr. Bull smiled again but kept staring at them without saying anything. The Professor continued, pausing before each tired word—
“Please do not think me excessively abrupt; but I advise you to alter those plans, or if it is too late for that, to follow your agent with all the support you can get for him. Comrade Syme and I have had an experience which it would take more time to recount than we can afford, if we are to act on it. I will, however, relate the occurrence in detail, even at the risk of losing time, if you really feel that it is essential to the understanding of the problem we have to discuss.”
“Please don’t think I’m being too blunt; but I suggest you change those plans, or if that’s not possible now, to back your agent with all the support you can muster. Comrade Syme and I have been through something that would take longer to explain than we have if we want to act on it. However, I will share the details of what happened, even if it risks wasting time, if you truly believe it’s crucial for understanding the issue we need to discuss.”
He was spinning out his sentences, making them intolerably long and lingering, in the hope of maddening the practical little Doctor into an explosion of impatience which might show his hand. But the little Doctor continued only to stare and smile, and the monologue was uphill work. Syme began to feel a new sickness and despair. The Doctor’s smile and silence were not at all like the cataleptic stare and horrible silence which he had confronted in the Professor half an hour before. About the Professor’s makeup and all his antics there was always something merely grotesque, like a gollywog. Syme remembered those wild woes of yesterday as one remembers being afraid of Bogy in childhood. But here was daylight; here was a healthy, square-shouldered man in tweeds, not odd save for the accident of his ugly spectacles, not glaring or grinning at all, but smiling steadily and not saying a word. The whole had a sense of unbearable reality. Under the increasing sunlight the colours of the Doctor’s complexion, the pattern of his tweeds, grew and expanded outrageously, as such things grow too important in a realistic novel. But his smile was quite slight, the pose of his head polite; the only uncanny thing was his silence.
He was dragging out his sentences, making them annoyingly long, hoping to irritate the practical little Doctor into an outburst of impatience that might reveal his true feelings. But the little Doctor just kept staring and smiling, making the monologue feel like a struggle. Syme began to feel a new wave of sickness and despair. The Doctor’s smile and silence were nothing like the cataleptic stare and terrible silence he faced with the Professor half an hour earlier. The Professor's strange behavior always seemed merely ridiculous, like a caricature. Syme recalled those wild fears from yesterday the way one remembers being scared of monsters as a kid. But here was daylight; here was a healthy, sturdy man in tweed, not unusual except for his ugly glasses, neither glaring nor grinning, just smiling steadily and not saying a word. Everything felt intensely real. Under the brightening sunlight, the colors of the Doctor’s complexion and the pattern of his tweeds grew increasingly vivid, as such details can become overly significant in a realistic novel. Yet his smile was faint, and his head held in a courteous manner; the only eerie thing was his silence.
“As I say,” resumed the Professor, like a man toiling through heavy sand, “the incident that has occurred to us and has led us to ask for information about the Marquis, is one which you may think it better to have narrated; but as it came in the way of Comrade Syme rather than me—”
“As I mentioned,” the Professor continued, struggling like someone wading through thick sand, “the incident that happened to us and prompted us to seek information about the Marquis is something you might prefer to recount yourself; however, since it happened to Comrade Syme rather than me—”
His words he seemed to be dragging out like words in an anthem; but Syme, who was watching, saw his long fingers rattle quickly on the edge of the crazy table. He read the message, “You must go on. This devil has sucked me dry!”
His words seemed to come out slowly, like they were part of a song; but Syme, who was watching, noticed his long fingers tapping quickly on the edge of the weird table. He read the message, “You have to keep going. This monster has drained me dry!”
Syme plunged into the breach with that bravado of improvisation which always came to him when he was alarmed.
Syme jumped into the situation with that fearless spontaneity that always surfaced when he felt anxious.
“Yes, the thing really happened to me,” he said hastily. “I had the good fortune to fall into conversation with a detective who took me, thanks to my hat, for a respectable person. Wishing to clinch my reputation for respectability, I took him and made him very drunk at the Savoy. Under this influence he became friendly, and told me in so many words that within a day or two they hope to arrest the Marquis in France.
“Yes, it really happened to me,” he said quickly. “I was lucky enough to strike up a conversation with a detective who mistook me, because of my hat, for a respectable person. Wanting to cement my reputation for respectability, I took him to the Savoy and got him very drunk. Under the influence, he became friendly and told me straight out that they hope to arrest the Marquis in France within a day or two.”
“So unless you or I can get on his track—”
“So unless you or I can track him down—”
The Doctor was still smiling in the most friendly way, and his protected eyes were still impenetrable. The Professor signalled to Syme that he would resume his explanation, and he began again with the same elaborate calm.
The Doctor was still smiling in the friendliest way, and his protected eyes were still unreadable. The Professor signaled to Syme that he would continue his explanation, and he started again with the same detailed calm.
“Syme immediately brought this information to me, and we came here together to see what use you would be inclined to make of it. It seems to me unquestionably urgent that—”
“Syme told me this right away, and we came here together to see how you might want to use it. I honestly think it's really important that—”
All this time Syme had been staring at the Doctor almost as steadily as the Doctor stared at the Professor, but quite without the smile. The nerves of both comrades-in-arms were near snapping under that strain of motionless amiability, when Syme suddenly leant forward and idly tapped the edge of the table. His message to his ally ran, “I have an intuition.”
All this time, Syme had been looking at the Doctor almost as intently as the Doctor was looking at the Professor, but without the smile. The nerves of both allies were close to breaking under the pressure of their silent friendliness when Syme suddenly leaned forward and casually tapped the edge of the table. His message to his partner was, “I have a feeling.”
The Professor, with scarcely a pause in his monologue, signalled back, “Then sit on it.”
The Professor, barely pausing in his speech, replied, “Then sit on it.”
Syme telegraphed, “It is quite extraordinary.”
Syme texted, “It's really something else.”
The other answered, “Extraordinary rot!”
The other replied, “Amazing rot!”
Syme said, “I am a poet.”
Syme said, “I’m a poet.”
The other retorted, “You are a dead man.”
The other replied, "You're a dead man."
Syme had gone quite red up to his yellow hair, and his eyes were burning feverishly. As he said he had an intuition, and it had risen to a sort of lightheaded certainty. Resuming his symbolic taps, he signalled to his friend, “You scarcely realise how poetic my intuition is. It has that sudden quality we sometimes feel in the coming of spring.”
Syme had turned bright red all the way to his yellow hair, and his eyes were feverishly intense. He claimed he had a feeling, and it had grown into a kind of lightheaded certainty. Picking up his symbolic taps again, he signaled to his friend, “You hardly understand how poetic my feeling is. It has that sudden quality we sometimes sense with the arrival of spring.”
He then studied the answer on his friend’s fingers. The answer was, “Go to hell!”
He then looked at his friend's fingers for the answer. The answer was, "Go to hell!"
The Professor then resumed his merely verbal monologue addressed to the Doctor.
The Professor then continued his solo speech directed at the Doctor.
“Perhaps I should rather say,” said Syme on his fingers, “that it resembles that sudden smell of the sea which may be found in the heart of lush woods.”
“Maybe I should put it another way,” said Syme, counting on his fingers, “that it’s like that sudden scent of the ocean you can find in the middle of dense forests.”
His companion disdained to reply.
His companion refused to respond.
“Or yet again,” tapped Syme, “it is positive, as is the passionate red hair of a beautiful woman.”
“Or yet again,” tapped Syme, “it is definite, like the fiery red hair of a beautiful woman.”
The Professor was continuing his speech, but in the middle of it Syme decided to act. He leant across the table, and said in a voice that could not be neglected—
The Professor was still giving his speech, but in the middle of it, Syme decided to take action. He leaned across the table and said in a voice that couldn't be ignored—
“Dr. Bull!”
“Dr. Bull!”
The Doctor’s sleek and smiling head did not move, but they could have sworn that under his dark glasses his eyes darted towards Syme.
The Doctor’s polished and smiling face didn’t move, but they could have sworn that under his dark glasses his eyes flicked towards Syme.
“Dr. Bull,” said Syme, in a voice peculiarly precise and courteous, “would you do me a small favour? Would you be so kind as to take off your spectacles?”
“Dr. Bull,” Syme said, with an unusually clear and polite tone, “could I ask you for a small favor? Would you mind taking off your glasses?”
The Professor swung round on his seat, and stared at Syme with a sort of frozen fury of astonishment. Syme, like a man who has thrown his life and fortune on the table, leaned forward with a fiery face. The Doctor did not move.
The Professor turned around in his chair and stared at Syme with a mix of shock and anger. Syme, like someone who had risked everything, leaned in with an intense expression. The Doctor remained still.
For a few seconds there was a silence in which one could hear a pin drop, split once by the single hoot of a distant steamer on the Thames. Then Dr. Bull rose slowly, still smiling, and took off his spectacles.
For a few seconds, there was a silence so quiet you could hear a pin drop, briefly interrupted by a distant steamer's hoot on the Thames. Then Dr. Bull stood up slowly, still smiling, and removed his glasses.
Syme sprang to his feet, stepping backwards a little, like a chemical lecturer from a successful explosion. His eyes were like stars, and for an instant he could only point without speaking.
Syme jumped up, stepping back a bit, like a science teacher after a big experiment. His eyes were shining, and for a moment, he could only point without saying anything.
The Professor had also started to his feet, forgetful of his supposed paralysis. He leant on the back of the chair and stared doubtfully at Dr. Bull, as if the Doctor had been turned into a toad before his eyes. And indeed it was almost as great a transformation scene.
The Professor had also gotten to his feet, forgetting his supposed paralysis. He leaned on the back of the chair and stared uncertainly at Dr. Bull, as if the Doctor had turned into a toad right in front of him. And it really was almost as dramatic a transformation.
The two detectives saw sitting in the chair before them a very boyish-looking young man, with very frank and happy hazel eyes, an open expression, cockney clothes like those of a city clerk, and an unquestionable breath about him of being very good and rather commonplace. The smile was still there, but it might have been the first smile of a baby.
The two detectives saw a very boyish-looking young man sitting in the chair before them, with cheerful hazel eyes, an open expression, and cockney clothes like those of a city clerk. There was an undeniable air about him that suggested he was good-natured and quite ordinary. The smile on his face was still there, but it could have been the first smile of a baby.
“I knew I was a poet,” cried Syme in a sort of ecstasy. “I knew my intuition was as infallible as the Pope. It was the spectacles that did it! It was all the spectacles. Given those beastly black eyes, and all the rest of him his health and his jolly looks, made him a live devil among dead ones.”
“I knew I was a poet,” Syme exclaimed in a kind of ecstasy. “I knew my intuition was as reliable as the Pope. It was the glasses that made the difference! It was all about the glasses. With those horrible black eyes, and everything else about him—his health and cheerful appearance—he stood out like a living devil among the dead.”
“It certainly does make a queer difference,” said the Professor shakily. “But as regards the project of Dr. Bull—”
“It really makes a strange difference,” the Professor said shakily. “But regarding Dr. Bull's project—”
“Project be damned!” roared Syme, beside himself. “Look at him! Look at his face, look at his collar, look at his blessed boots! You don’t suppose, do you, that that thing’s an anarchist?”
“Project be damned!” shouted Syme, losing his mind. “Look at him! Look at his face, look at his collar, look at his damn boots! You don’t really think that thing’s an anarchist, do you?”
“Syme!” cried the other in an apprehensive agony.
“Syme!” cried the other in anxious distress.
“Why, by God,” said Syme, “I’ll take the risk of that myself! Dr. Bull, I am a police officer. There’s my card,” and he flung down the blue card upon the table.
“Why, by God,” said Syme, “I’ll take that risk myself! Dr. Bull, I’m a police officer. Here’s my card,” and he tossed the blue card onto the table.
The Professor still feared that all was lost; but he was loyal. He pulled out his own official card and put it beside his friend’s. Then the third man burst out laughing, and for the first time that morning they heard his voice.
The Professor still worried that everything was doomed; but he was loyal. He took out his own official card and placed it next to his friend's. Then the third man suddenly started laughing, and for the first time that morning, they heard his voice.
“I’m awfully glad you chaps have come so early,” he said, with a sort of schoolboy flippancy, “for we can all start for France together. Yes, I’m in the force right enough,” and he flicked a blue card towards them lightly as a matter of form.
“I’m really glad you guys showed up so early,” he said, with a kind of schoolboy casualness, “because we can all head to France together. Yeah, I’m definitely in the force,” and he casually flicked a blue card toward them as a formality.
Clapping a brisk bowler on his head and resuming his goblin glasses, the Doctor moved so quickly towards the door, that the others instinctively followed him. Syme seemed a little distrait, and as he passed under the doorway he suddenly struck his stick on the stone passage so that it rang.
Clapping a quick bowler hat on his head and adjusting his glasses, the Doctor moved swiftly toward the door, and the others instinctively followed him. Syme appeared a bit distracted, and as he went under the doorway, he suddenly slammed his stick against the stone passage, making it ring.
“But Lord God Almighty,” he cried out, “if this is all right, there were more damned detectives than there were damned dynamiters at the damned Council!”
“But Lord God Almighty,” he yelled, “if this is all okay, there were more cursed detectives than there were cursed dynamiters at the cursed Council!”
“We might have fought easily,” said Bull; “we were four against three.”
"We could have easily fought," said Bull; "it was four of us against three of them."
The Professor was descending the stairs, but his voice came up from below.
The professor was going down the stairs, but his voice carried up from below.
“No,” said the voice, “we were not four against three—we were not so lucky. We were four against One.”
“No,” said the voice, “we weren't four against three—we weren't that lucky. We were four against one.”
The others went down the stairs in silence.
The others went down the stairs quietly.
The young man called Bull, with an innocent courtesy characteristic of him, insisted on going last until they reached the street; but there his own robust rapidity asserted itself unconsciously, and he walked quickly on ahead towards a railway inquiry office, talking to the others over his shoulder.
The young man named Bull, with a natural politeness that was typical of him, insisted on being the last to leave until they got to the street; but there, his own strong quickness kicked in without him realizing it, and he strode ahead towards a railway inquiry office, chatting with the others over his shoulder.
“It is jolly to get some pals,” he said. “I’ve been half dead with the jumps, being quite alone. I nearly flung my arms round Gogol and embraced him, which would have been imprudent. I hope you won’t despise me for having been in a blue funk.”
“It’s great to have some friends,” he said. “I’ve felt pretty miserable being all alone. I almost threw my arms around Gogol and hugged him, which would have been a bit reckless. I hope you won’t think less of me for being so scared.”
“All the blue devils in blue hell,” said Syme, “contributed to my blue funk! But the worst devil was you and your infernal goggles.”
“All the blue devils in blue hell,” said Syme, “contributed to my blue funk! But the worst devil was you and your hellish goggles.”
The young man laughed delightedly.
The young man laughed happily.
“Wasn’t it a rag?” he said. “Such a simple idea—not my own. I haven’t got the brains. You see, I wanted to go into the detective service, especially the anti-dynamite business. But for that purpose they wanted someone to dress up as a dynamiter; and they all swore by blazes that I could never look like a dynamiter. They said my very walk was respectable, and that seen from behind I looked like the British Constitution. They said I looked too healthy and too optimistic, and too reliable and benevolent; they called me all sorts of names at Scotland Yard. They said that if I had been a criminal, I might have made my fortune by looking so like an honest man; but as I had the misfortune to be an honest man, there was not even the remotest chance of my assisting them by ever looking like a criminal. But at last I was brought before some old josser who was high up in the force, and who seemed to have no end of a head on his shoulders. And there the others all talked hopelessly. One asked whether a bushy beard would hide my nice smile; another said that if they blacked my face I might look like a negro anarchist; but this old chap chipped in with a most extraordinary remark. ‘A pair of smoked spectacles will do it,’ he said positively. ‘Look at him now; he looks like an angelic office boy. Put him on a pair of smoked spectacles, and children will scream at the sight of him.’ And so it was, by George! When once my eyes were covered, all the rest, smile and big shoulders and short hair, made me look a perfect little devil. As I say, it was simple enough when it was done, like miracles; but that wasn’t the really miraculous part of it. There was one really staggering thing about the business, and my head still turns at it.”
“Wasn’t it a joke?” he said. “Such a simple idea—not my own. I don’t have the brains for it. You see, I wanted to join the detective service, especially the anti-dynamite unit. But for that, they needed someone to dress up as a dynamiter; and they all swore that I could never pull it off. They said my walk was too respectable, and from behind I looked like a proper gentleman. They claimed I looked too healthy, too optimistic, too reliable, and too kind; they threw all sorts of insults at me at Scotland Yard. They said if I had been a criminal, I could have made a fortune just by looking so much like a decent person; but since I was unfortunate enough to be an honest man, there was no chance I could help them by ever appearing like a criminal. But eventually, I was brought before this older guy who was pretty high up in the department and seemed to really know what he was doing. The others were talking in despair. One asked if a bushy beard would cover up my nice smile; another suggested that if they blackened my face, I might look like a black anarchist; but this old fellow chimed in with a wild idea. ‘A pair of tinted glasses will do the trick,’ he said confidently. ‘Look at him now; he looks like an angelic office worker. Put him in tinted glasses, and kids will scream when they see him.’ And it turned out, wow! Once my eyes were covered, everything else—the smile, broad shoulders, and short hair—made me look like a complete little devil. As I said, it was simple enough when it came together, like magic; but that wasn’t the truly miraculous part. There was one truly astonishing thing about the whole deal, and I still can’t get over it.”
“What was that?” asked Syme.
"What was that?" Syme asked.
“I’ll tell you,” answered the man in spectacles. “This big pot in the police who sized me up so that he knew how the goggles would go with my hair and socks—by God, he never saw me at all!”
“I’ll tell you,” replied the man with glasses. “This big cop who sized me up to see how the goggles matched my hair and socks—honestly, he didn’t see me at all!”
Syme’s eyes suddenly flashed on him.
Syme suddenly shot him a piercing look.
“How was that?” he asked. “I thought you talked to him.”
“How was that?” he asked. “I thought you talked to him.”
“So I did,” said Bull brightly; “but we talked in a pitch-dark room like a coalcellar. There, you would never have guessed that.”
“So I did,” said Bull happily; “but we talked in a pitch-black room like a coal cellar. You would never have guessed that.”
“I could not have conceived it,” said Syme gravely.
“I couldn't have imagined it,” Syme said seriously.
“It is indeed a new idea,” said the Professor.
“It’s definitely a new idea,” said the Professor.
Their new ally was in practical matters a whirlwind. At the inquiry office he asked with businesslike brevity about the trains for Dover. Having got his information, he bundled the company into a cab, and put them and himself inside a railway carriage before they had properly realised the breathless process. They were already on the Calais boat before conversation flowed freely.
Their new ally was a force of nature when it came to practical matters. At the inquiry office, he asked succinctly about the trains to Dover. Once he got his information, he ushered the group into a cab and had them all settled in a railway carriage before they even fully grasped what was happening. They were already on the Calais boat before the conversation started to flow freely.
“I had already arranged,” he explained, “to go to France for my lunch; but I am delighted to have someone to lunch with me. You see, I had to send that beast, the Marquis, over with his bomb, because the President had his eye on me, though God knows how. I’ll tell you the story some day. It was perfectly choking. Whenever I tried to slip out of it I saw the President somewhere, smiling out of the bow-window of a club, or taking off his hat to me from the top of an omnibus. I tell you, you can say what you like, that fellow sold himself to the devil; he can be in six places at once.”
“I had already planned,” he said, “to head to France for my lunch; but I’m thrilled to have someone to have lunch with me. You see, I had to send that jerk, the Marquis, over with his bomb because the President was watching me, though God knows how. I’ll tell you the story someday. It was completely ridiculous. Whenever I tried to sneak away, I’d see the President somewhere, smiling out of the window of a club or tipping his hat to me from the top of a bus. I’m telling you, say what you want, that guy sold his soul to the devil; he can be in six places at once.”
“So you sent the Marquis off, I understand,” asked the Professor. “Was it long ago? Shall we be in time to catch him?”
“So you sent the Marquis on his way, I hear,” the Professor asked. “Was it a while ago? Will we be able to catch up with him?”
“Yes,” answered the new guide, “I’ve timed it all. He’ll still be at Calais when we arrive.”
“Yes,” replied the new guide, “I’ve planned everything. He’ll still be in Calais when we get there.”
“But when we do catch him at Calais,” said the Professor, “what are we going to do?”
“But when we do catch him at Calais,” said the Professor, “what are we going to do?”
At this question the countenance of Dr. Bull fell for the first time. He reflected a little, and then said—
At this question, Dr. Bull's expression changed for the first time. He thought for a moment and then said—
“Theoretically, I suppose, we ought to call the police.”
“Theoretically, I guess we should call the police.”
“Not I,” said Syme. “Theoretically I ought to drown myself first. I promised a poor fellow, who was a real modern pessimist, on my word of honour not to tell the police. I’m no hand at casuistry, but I can’t break my word to a modern pessimist. It’s like breaking one’s word to a child.”
“Not me,” said Syme. “Theoretically, I should just drown myself first. I gave my word to a poor guy, who was a true modern pessimist, not to tell the police. I’m not great at moral reasoning, but I can’t go back on my promise to a modern pessimist. It’s like going back on your word to a child.”
“I’m in the same boat,” said the Professor. “I tried to tell the police and I couldn’t, because of some silly oath I took. You see, when I was an actor I was a sort of all-round beast. Perjury or treason is the only crime I haven’t committed. If I did that I shouldn’t know the difference between right and wrong.”
“I feel the same way,” said the Professor. “I tried to tell the police, but I couldn’t because of some ridiculous oath I took. You see, when I was an actor, I was kind of a jack-of-all-trades. Perjury or treason is the only crime I haven’t committed. If I did that, I wouldn’t even know the difference between right and wrong.”
“I’ve been through all that,” said Dr. Bull, “and I’ve made up my mind. I gave my promise to the Secretary—you know him, man who smiles upside down. My friends, that man is the most utterly unhappy man that was ever human. It may be his digestion, or his conscience, or his nerves, or his philosophy of the universe, but he’s damned, he’s in hell! Well, I can’t turn on a man like that, and hunt him down. It’s like whipping a leper. I may be mad, but that’s how I feel; and there’s jolly well the end of it.”
“I’ve been through all that,” said Dr. Bull, “and I’ve made my decision. I promised the Secretary—you know, the guy who always looks like he’s frowning. My friends, that man is the most miserable person I’ve ever met. It could be his digestion, or his conscience, or his nerves, or his view of the universe, but he’s doomed, he’s in hell! Well, I can’t go after a guy like that and try to bring him down. It’s like beating a leper. I might be crazy, but that’s how I feel; and that’s the end of it.”
“I don’t think you’re mad,” said Syme. “I knew you would decide like that when first you—”
“I don’t think you’re crazy,” Syme said. “I knew you would make that decision when you first—”
“Eh?” said Dr. Bull.
"Wait, what?" said Dr. Bull.
“When first you took off your spectacles.”
“When you first took off your glasses.”
Dr. Bull smiled a little, and strolled across the deck to look at the sunlit sea. Then he strolled back again, kicking his heels carelessly, and a companionable silence fell between the three men.
Dr. Bull smiled faintly and walked over to the deck to gaze at the sunlit sea. Then he walked back, casually kicking up his heels, and a comfortable silence settled between the three men.
“Well,” said Syme, “it seems that we have all the same kind of morality or immorality, so we had better face the fact that comes of it.”
“Well,” said Syme, “it looks like we all share the same kind of morality or immorality, so we should just confront the reality that comes from it.”
“Yes,” assented the Professor, “you’re quite right; and we must hurry up, for I can see the Grey Nose standing out from France.”
“Yes,” agreed the Professor, “you’re absolutely right; and we need to hurry, because I can see the Grey Nose coming out from France.”
“The fact that comes of it,” said Syme seriously, “is this, that we three are alone on this planet. Gogol has gone, God knows where; perhaps the President has smashed him like a fly. On the Council we are three men against three, like the Romans who held the bridge. But we are worse off than that, first because they can appeal to their organization and we cannot appeal to ours, and second because—”
“The reality of the situation,” Syme said seriously, “is that we three are alone on this planet. Gogol is gone, God knows where; maybe the President has crushed him like a fly. On the Council, we are three men against three, like the Romans holding the bridge. But we’re in a worse position than that, primarily because they can rely on their organization while we can't rely on ours, and second because—”
“Because one of those other three men,” said the Professor, “is not a man.”
“Because one of those other three men,” said the Professor, “isn't actually a man.”
Syme nodded and was silent for a second or two, then he said—
Syme nodded and stayed quiet for a second or two, then he said—
“My idea is this. We must do something to keep the Marquis in Calais till tomorrow midday. I have turned over twenty schemes in my head. We cannot denounce him as a dynamiter; that is agreed. We cannot get him detained on some trivial charge, for we should have to appear; he knows us, and he would smell a rat. We cannot pretend to keep him on anarchist business; he might swallow much in that way, but not the notion of stopping in Calais while the Czar went safely through Paris. We might try to kidnap him, and lock him up ourselves; but he is a well-known man here. He has a whole bodyguard of friends; he is very strong and brave, and the event is doubtful. The only thing I can see to do is actually to take advantage of the very things that are in the Marquis’s favour. I am going to profit by the fact that he is a highly respected nobleman. I am going to profit by the fact that he has many friends and moves in the best society.”
"My idea is this. We need to do something to keep the Marquis in Calais until tomorrow afternoon. I've thought of twenty different plans. We can’t accuse him of being a bomber; that’s clear. We can’t have him detained on some minor charge because we’d have to show up; he knows us, and he’d be onto us. We can’t pretend to hold him for anarchist activities; he might buy that, but he wouldn’t accept the idea of staying in Calais while the Czar safely goes through Paris. We could try to kidnap him and lock him up ourselves, but he’s a well-known figure here. He has a whole group of friends; he’s very strong and brave, and the outcome is uncertain. The only thing I can think to do is actually to take advantage of the very things that work in the Marquis’s favor. I’m going to leverage the fact that he’s a highly respected nobleman. I’m going to capitalize on the fact that he has many friends and moves in the best circles."
“What the devil are you talking about?” asked the Professor.
“What the heck are you talking about?” asked the Professor.
“The Symes are first mentioned in the fourteenth century,” said Syme; “but there is a tradition that one of them rode behind Bruce at Bannockburn. Since 1350 the tree is quite clear.”
“The Symes are first mentioned in the 14th century,” said Syme; “but there’s a tradition that one of them rode behind Bruce at Bannockburn. Since 1350, the lineage is pretty clear.”
“He’s gone off his head,” said the little Doctor, staring.
“He's lost his mind,” said the little Doctor, staring.
“Our bearings,” continued Syme calmly, “are ‘argent a chevron gules charged with three cross crosslets of the field.’ The motto varies.”
“Our bearings,” continued Syme calmly, “are ‘silver with a red chevron charged with three cross crosslets of the field.’ The motto is different.”
The Professor seized Syme roughly by the waistcoat.
The Professor grabbed Syme roughly by the vest.
“We are just inshore,” he said. “Are you seasick or joking in the wrong place?”
“We’re just close to shore,” he said. “Are you seasick or just messing around in the wrong spot?”
“My remarks are almost painfully practical,” answered Syme, in an unhurried manner. “The house of St. Eustache also is very ancient. The Marquis cannot deny that he is a gentleman. He cannot deny that I am a gentleman. And in order to put the matter of my social position quite beyond a doubt, I propose at the earliest opportunity to knock his hat off. But here we are in the harbour.”
“My comments are almost painfully practical,” Syme replied calmly. “The house of St. Eustache is very old. The Marquis can’t deny he’s a gentleman. He can’t deny that I’m a gentleman. To clarify my social standing beyond any doubt, I plan to knock his hat off at the first chance. But here we are in the harbor.”
They went on shore under the strong sun in a sort of daze. Syme, who had now taken the lead as Bull had taken it in London, led them along a kind of marine parade until he came to some cafés, embowered in a bulk of greenery and overlooking the sea. As he went before them his step was slightly swaggering, and he swung his stick like a sword. He was making apparently for the extreme end of the line of cafés, but he stopped abruptly. With a sharp gesture he motioned them to silence, but he pointed with one gloved finger to a café table under a bank of flowering foliage at which sat the Marquis de St. Eustache, his teeth shining in his thick, black beard, and his bold, brown face shadowed by a light yellow straw hat and outlined against the violet sea.
They stepped onto the shore under the bright sun, feeling a bit dazed. Syme, who had taken the lead just like Bull had in London, guided them along a sort of seaside promenade until he reached some cafés surrounded by lush greenery and overlooking the ocean. As he walked ahead of them, his gait was slightly confident, and he swung his cane like a sword. He seemed to be heading toward the end of the row of cafés but stopped suddenly. With a quick gesture, he signaled for them to be quiet, then pointed with one gloved finger to a café table nestled under a bank of flowering plants, where the Marquis de St. Eustache sat, his teeth gleaming in his thick black beard, his bold brown face shaded by a light yellow straw hat, framed against the violet sea.
CHAPTER X.
THE DUEL
Syme sat down at a café table with his companions, his blue eyes sparkling like the bright sea below, and ordered a bottle of Saumur with a pleased impatience. He was for some reason in a condition of curious hilarity. His spirits were already unnaturally high; they rose as the Saumur sank, and in half an hour his talk was a torrent of nonsense. He professed to be making out a plan of the conversation which was going to ensue between himself and the deadly Marquis. He jotted it down wildly with a pencil. It was arranged like a printed catechism, with questions and answers, and was delivered with an extraordinary rapidity of utterance.
Syme sat down at a café table with his friends, his blue eyes sparkling like the bright sea below, and ordered a bottle of Saumur with excited impatience. For some reason, he felt a strange sense of joy. His mood was already unusually high; it soared even more as the Saumur went down, and in half an hour, his conversation turned into a flood of nonsense. He claimed he was drafting a plan for the upcoming conversation with the deadly Marquis. He wrote it down wildly with a pencil. It was set up like a printed quiz, with questions and answers, and he delivered it at an incredible speed.
“I shall approach. Before taking off his hat, I shall take off my own. I shall say, ‘The Marquis de Saint Eustache, I believe.’ He will say, ‘The celebrated Mr. Syme, I presume.’ He will say in the most exquisite French, ‘How are you?’ I shall reply in the most exquisite Cockney, ‘Oh, just the Syme—’”
“I'll approach. Before he takes off his hat, I'll take off mine. I'll say, ‘The Marquis de Saint Eustache, I believe.’ He'll respond, ‘The celebrated Mr. Syme, I presume.’ He'll ask in the most refined French, ‘How are you?’ I'll reply in the most charming Cockney, ‘Oh, just the Syme—’”
“Oh, shut it,” said the man in spectacles. “Pull yourself together, and chuck away that bit of paper. What are you really going to do?”
“Oh, just stop,” said the man in glasses. “Get yourself together, and throw away that piece of paper. What are you actually going to do?”
“But it was a lovely catechism,” said Syme pathetically. “Do let me read it you. It has only forty-three questions and answers, and some of the Marquis’s answers are wonderfully witty. I like to be just to my enemy.”
“But it was a lovely catechism,” Syme said sadly. “Let me read it to you. It has only forty-three questions and answers, and some of the Marquis’s answers are incredibly witty. I like to be fair to my enemy.”
“But what’s the good of it all?” asked Dr. Bull in exasperation.
“But what's the point of it all?” asked Dr. Bull in frustration.
“It leads up to my challenge, don’t you see,” said Syme, beaming. “When the Marquis has given the thirty-ninth reply, which runs—”
“It leads up to my challenge, don’t you see,” said Syme, beaming. “When the Marquis has given the thirty-ninth reply, which runs—”
“Has it by any chance occurred to you,” asked the Professor, with a ponderous simplicity, “that the Marquis may not say all the forty-three things you have put down for him? In that case, I understand, your own epigrams may appear somewhat more forced.”
“Have you considered,” the Professor asked, with a serious simplicity, “that the Marquis might not say all forty-three things you’ve written for him? If that’s the case, I can see how your own epigrams might come off as a bit more forced.”
Syme struck the table with a radiant face.
Syme hit the table with a beaming face.
“Why, how true that is,” he said, “and I never thought of it. Sir, you have an intellect beyond the common. You will make a name.”
“Wow, that's so true,” he said, “and I never considered it. Sir, you have an intelligence that's above the ordinary. You'll definitely make a name for yourself.”
“Oh, you’re as drunk as an owl!” said the Doctor.
“Oh, you’re as drunk as an owl!” said the Doctor.
“It only remains,” continued Syme quite unperturbed, “to adopt some other method of breaking the ice (if I may so express it) between myself and the man I wish to kill. And since the course of a dialogue cannot be predicted by one of its parties alone (as you have pointed out with such recondite acumen), the only thing to be done, I suppose, is for the one party, as far as possible, to do all the dialogue by himself. And so I will, by George!” And he stood up suddenly, his yellow hair blowing in the slight sea breeze.
“It only remains,” continued Syme, completely unfazed, “to find another way to break the ice (if I may put it that way) between me and the guy I want to kill. And since one side can't predict the course of a conversation alone (as you’ve pointed out with great insight), the only thing to do, I guess, is for one side to carry the whole conversation by themselves. And that’s exactly what I’ll do, by God!” He suddenly stood up, his blonde hair blowing in the light sea breeze.
A band was playing in a café chantant hidden somewhere among the trees, and a woman had just stopped singing. On Syme’s heated head the bray of the brass band seemed like the jar and jingle of that barrel-organ in Leicester Square, to the tune of which he had once stood up to die. He looked across to the little table where the Marquis sat. The man had two companions now, solemn Frenchmen in frock-coats and silk hats, one of them with the red rosette of the Legion of Honour, evidently people of a solid social position. Besides these black, cylindrical costumes, the Marquis, in his loose straw hat and light spring clothes, looked Bohemian and even barbaric; but he looked the Marquis. Indeed, one might say that he looked the king, with his animal elegance, his scornful eyes, and his proud head lifted against the purple sea. But he was no Christian king, at any rate; he was, rather, some swarthy despot, half Greek, half Asiatic, who in the days when slavery seemed natural looked down on the Mediterranean, on his galley and his groaning slaves. Just so, Syme thought, would the brown-gold face of such a tyrant have shown against the dark green olives and the burning blue.
A band was playing in a café chantant hidden somewhere among the trees, and a woman had just finished singing. To Syme’s sweaty head, the sound of the brass band felt like the clatter of that barrel-organ in Leicester Square, to which he had once almost succumbed. He glanced over at the small table where the Marquis was sitting. The man had two companions now, serious Frenchmen in frock coats and silk hats, one of whom wore the red rosette of the Legion of Honour, clearly people of solid social standing. Compared to these black, formal outfits, the Marquis, in his loose straw hat and light spring clothes, looked bohemian and even a bit savage; but he still looked like the Marquis. In fact, one could argue he looked like a king, with his animalistic grace, scornful eyes, and proud head tilted against the purple sea. However, he was no Christian king; rather, he resembled some dark despot, half Greek, half Asian, who in an era when slavery felt normal looked down upon the Mediterranean, overseeing his galley and his groaning slaves. Just like that, Syme thought, would the sun-kissed face of such a tyrant have appeared against the dark green olives and the blazing blue.
“Are you going to address the meeting?” asked the Professor peevishly, seeing that Syme still stood up without moving.
“Are you going to speak at the meeting?” the Professor asked irritably, noticing that Syme was still standing still.
Syme drained his last glass of sparkling wine.
Syme finished his last glass of sparkling wine.
“I am,” he said, pointing across to the Marquis and his companions, “that meeting. That meeting displeases me. I am going to pull that meeting’s great ugly, mahogany-coloured nose.”
“I am,” he said, pointing over to the Marquis and his friends, “that meeting. That meeting annoys me. I’m going to poke that meeting’s big, ugly, mahogany-colored nose.”
He stepped across swiftly, if not quite steadily. The Marquis, seeing him, arched his black Assyrian eyebrows in surprise, but smiled politely.
He moved quickly, though not entirely smoothly. The Marquis, noticing him, raised his dark Assyrian eyebrows in surprise but smiled politely.
“You are Mr. Syme, I think,” he said.
"You must be Mr. Syme," he said.
Syme bowed.
Syme bowed.
“And you are the Marquis de Saint Eustache,” he said gracefully. “Permit me to pull your nose.”
“And you’re the Marquis de Saint Eustache,” he said elegantly. “Let me just give your nose a little tug.”
He leant over to do so, but the Marquis started backwards, upsetting his chair, and the two men in top hats held Syme back by the shoulders.
He leaned over to do that, but the Marquis recoiled, knocking over his chair, and the two men in top hats held Syme back by the shoulders.
“This man has insulted me!” said Syme, with gestures of explanation.
“This guy has insulted me!” said Syme, gesturing for emphasis.
“Insulted you?” cried the gentleman with the red rosette, “when?”
“Insulted you?” shouted the man with the red rosette, “when?”
“Oh, just now,” said Syme recklessly. “He insulted my mother.”
“Oh, just now,” Syme said carelessly. “He insulted my mom.”
“Insulted your mother!” exclaimed the gentleman incredulously.
“Insulted your mom!” exclaimed the gentleman incredulously.
“Well, anyhow,” said Syme, conceding a point, “my aunt.”
“Well, anyway,” said Syme, conceding a point, “my aunt.”
“But how can the Marquis have insulted your aunt just now?” said the second gentleman with some legitimate wonder. “He has been sitting here all the time.”
“But how could the Marquis have just insulted your aunt?” asked the second gentleman, genuinely puzzled. “He’s been sitting here the whole time.”
“Ah, it was what he said!” said Syme darkly.
“Ah, it was what he said!” Syme said darkly.
“I said nothing at all,” said the Marquis, “except something about the band. I only said that I liked Wagner played well.”
“I didn't say anything at all,” said the Marquis, “except something about the band. I only mentioned that I liked Wagner played well.”
“It was an allusion to my family,” said Syme firmly. “My aunt played Wagner badly. It was a painful subject. We are always being insulted about it.”
“It was a reference to my family,” said Syme firmly. “My aunt played Wagner poorly. It’s a painful topic. We’re always being teased about it.”
“This seems most extraordinary,” said the gentleman who was décoré, looking doubtfully at the Marquis.
“This seems really extraordinary,” said the gentleman who was décoré, looking uncertainly at the Marquis.
“Oh, I assure you,” said Syme earnestly, “the whole of your conversation was simply packed with sinister allusions to my aunt’s weaknesses.”
“Oh, I promise you,” Syme said seriously, “your entire conversation was just filled with dark hints about my aunt’s weaknesses.”
“This is nonsense!” said the second gentleman. “I for one have said nothing for half an hour except that I liked the singing of that girl with black hair.”
“This is ridiculous!” said the second gentleman. “I, for one, haven’t said anything for half an hour except that I liked the singing of that girl with black hair.”
“Well, there you are again!” said Syme indignantly. “My aunt’s was red.”
“Well, there you are again!” Syme said angrily. “My aunt’s was red.”
“It seems to me,” said the other, “that you are simply seeking a pretext to insult the Marquis.”
“Honestly,” said the other, “it looks like you’re just trying to find an excuse to insult the Marquis.”
“By George!” said Syme, facing round and looking at him, “what a clever chap you are!”
“Wow!” said Syme, turning to look at him, “what a smart guy you are!”
The Marquis started up with eyes flaming like a tiger’s.
The Marquis jumped up with eyes blazing like a tiger's.
“Seeking a quarrel with me!” he cried. “Seeking a fight with me! By God! there was never a man who had to seek long. These gentlemen will perhaps act for me. There are still four hours of daylight. Let us fight this evening.”
“Looking for a fight with me!” he shouted. “Looking for a brawl with me! I swear! there was never a guy who had to look for long. These guys will maybe stand in for me. We still have four hours of daylight left. Let’s settle this this evening.”
Syme bowed with a quite beautiful graciousness.
Syme bowed with a lovely grace.
“Marquis,” he said, “your action is worthy of your fame and blood. Permit me to consult for a moment with the gentlemen in whose hands I shall place myself.”
“Marquis,” he said, “your actions match your reputation and lineage. Let me consult for a moment with the gentlemen to whom I will entrust myself.”
In three long strides he rejoined his companions, and they, who had seen his champagne-inspired attack and listened to his idiotic explanations, were quite startled at the look of him. For now that he came back to them he was quite sober, a little pale, and he spoke in a low voice of passionate practicality.
In three quick strides, he rejoined his friends, and they, having witnessed his champagne-fueled outburst and heard his foolish explanations, were taken aback by his appearance. Now that he was back with them, he was completely sober, a bit pale, and he spoke in a quietly intense, practical way.
“I have done it,” he said hoarsely. “I have fixed a fight on the beast. But look here, and listen carefully. There is no time for talk. You are my seconds, and everything must come from you. Now you must insist, and insist absolutely, on the duel coming off after seven tomorrow, so as to give me the chance of preventing him from catching the 7.45 for Paris. If he misses that he misses his crime. He can’t refuse to meet you on such a small point of time and place. But this is what he will do. He will choose a field somewhere near a wayside station, where he can pick up the train. He is a very good swordsman, and he will trust to killing me in time to catch it. But I can fence well too, and I think I can keep him in play, at any rate, until the train is lost. Then perhaps he may kill me to console his feelings. You understand? Very well then, let me introduce you to some charming friends of mine,” and leading them quickly across the parade, he presented them to the Marquis’s seconds by two very aristocratic names of which they had not previously heard.
"I've done it," he said hoarsely. "I've arranged a fight with the guy. But listen carefully—there's no time to waste. You’re my seconds, and everything has to come from you. You need to insist, really insist, on the duel happening after seven tomorrow so I have a shot at stopping him from catching the 7:45 train to Paris. If he misses that, he misses his chance to commit the crime. He can't refuse to meet you over such a minor detail of time and place. But here's what he'll do: he'll pick a spot near a wayside station where he can hop on the train. He's a skilled swordsman, and he'll trust he can take me out in time to catch it. But I can fence well too, and I think I can keep him busy long enough to miss the train. Then maybe he'll kill me just to ease his feelings. You get it? Good, now let me introduce you to some of my charming friends," and he quickly led them across the parade, presenting them to the Marquis's seconds by two very aristocratic names they hadn't heard before.
Syme was subject to spasms of singular common sense, not otherwise a part of his character. They were (as he said of his impulse about the spectacles) poetic intuitions, and they sometimes rose to the exaltation of prophecy.
Syme occasionally experienced bursts of unusual common sense, which wasn't typically a part of his character. They were, as he described his feeling about the spectacles, poetic insights, and they sometimes reached the intensity of prophecy.
He had correctly calculated in this case the policy of his opponent. When the Marquis was informed by his seconds that Syme could only fight in the morning, he must fully have realised that an obstacle had suddenly arisen between him and his bomb-throwing business in the capital. Naturally he could not explain this objection to his friends, so he chose the course which Syme had predicted. He induced his seconds to settle on a small meadow not far from the railway, and he trusted to the fatality of the first engagement.
He had accurately figured out his opponent's strategy in this situation. When the Marquis found out from his seconds that Syme could only fight in the morning, he must have realized that a sudden obstacle had come up between him and his plans for creating chaos in the capital. Naturally, he couldn't explain this issue to his friends, so he went with the approach that Syme had anticipated. He convinced his seconds to choose a small meadow close to the railway, and he relied on the unpredictability of the first confrontation.
When he came down very coolly to the field of honour, no one could have guessed that he had any anxiety about a journey; his hands were in his pockets, his straw hat on the back of his head, his handsome face brazen in the sun. But it might have struck a stranger as odd that there appeared in his train, not only his seconds carrying the sword-case, but two of his servants carrying a portmanteau and a luncheon basket.
When he casually walked down to the field of honor, no one would have guessed he was worried about a journey; his hands were in his pockets, his straw hat was tilted back on his head, and his good-looking face was boldly soaking up the sun. However, a stranger might have found it strange that, in his entourage, he was accompanied not only by his seconds carrying the sword case but also by two of his servants carrying a suitcase and a picnic basket.
Early as was the hour, the sun soaked everything in warmth, and Syme was vaguely surprised to see so many spring flowers burning gold and silver in the tall grass in which the whole company stood almost knee-deep.
Early as it was, the sun warmed everything up, and Syme was somewhat surprised to see so many spring flowers shining gold and silver in the tall grass that surrounded the group, which was nearly knee-deep.
With the exception of the Marquis, all the men were in sombre and solemn morning-dress, with hats like black chimney-pots; the little Doctor especially, with the addition of his black spectacles, looked like an undertaker in a farce. Syme could not help feeling a comic contrast between this funereal church parade of apparel and the rich and glistening meadow, growing wild flowers everywhere. But, indeed, this comic contrast between the yellow blossoms and the black hats was but a symbol of the tragic contrast between the yellow blossoms and the black business. On his right was a little wood; far away to his left lay the long curve of the railway line, which he was, so to speak, guarding from the Marquis, whose goal and escape it was. In front of him, behind the black group of his opponents, he could see, like a tinted cloud, a small almond bush in flower against the faint line of the sea.
Except for the Marquis, all the men were dressed in dark, formal mourning clothes, with hats that looked like black chimney pots. The little Doctor, especially with his black glasses, resembled an undertaker in a comedy. Syme couldn't help but notice the funny contrast between this somber funeral-like attire and the vibrant meadow filled with wildflowers. But really, this humorous contrast between the yellow flowers and the black hats symbolized the tragic difference between the bright blossoms and the serious matter at hand. To his right was a small woods; far off to his left lay the long curve of the railway line, which he was, in a way, guarding from the Marquis, whose goal and escape it represented. In front of him, behind the dark group of his opponents, he could see, like a colored cloud, a small flowering almond bush against the faint outline of the sea.
The member of the Legion of Honour, whose name it seemed was Colonel Ducroix, approached the Professor and Dr. Bull with great politeness, and suggested that the play should terminate with the first considerable hurt.
The member of the Legion of Honour, who seemed to be named Colonel Ducroix, approached the Professor and Dr. Bull with great politeness and suggested that the play should end with the first significant injury.
Dr. Bull, however, having been carefully coached by Syme upon this point of policy, insisted, with great dignity and in very bad French, that it should continue until one of the combatants was disabled. Syme had made up his mind that he could avoid disabling the Marquis and prevent the Marquis from disabling him for at least twenty minutes. In twenty minutes the Paris train would have gone by.
Dr. Bull, having been thoroughly guided by Syme on this matter of strategy, confidently insisted, in very poor French, that the fight should go on until one of the opponents was hurt. Syme had decided he could keep from injuring the Marquis and also prevent the Marquis from hurting him for at least twenty minutes. In twenty minutes, the Paris train would have passed.
“To a man of the well-known skill and valour of Monsieur de St. Eustache,” said the Professor solemnly, “it must be a matter of indifference which method is adopted, and our principal has strong reasons for demanding the longer encounter, reasons the delicacy of which prevent me from being explicit, but for the just and honourable nature of which I can—”
“To a man of the renowned skill and bravery of Monsieur de St. Eustache,” said the Professor seriously, “it shouldn't matter which method is chosen, and our principal has good reasons for insisting on the longer confrontation, reasons that are too sensitive for me to explain clearly, but for the fairness and honorable nature of which I can—”
“Peste!” broke from the Marquis behind, whose face had suddenly darkened, “let us stop talking and begin,” and he slashed off the head of a tall flower with his stick.
“Peste!” shouted the Marquis from behind, his expression suddenly grim, “let's stop talking and get started,” and he chopped off the head of a tall flower with his stick.
Syme understood his rude impatience and instinctively looked over his shoulder to see whether the train was coming in sight. But there was no smoke on the horizon.
Syme got his rude impatience and instinctively looked over his shoulder to see if the train was coming into view. But there was no smoke on the horizon.
Colonel Ducroix knelt down and unlocked the case, taking out a pair of twin swords, which took the sunlight and turned to two streaks of white fire. He offered one to the Marquis, who snatched it without ceremony, and another to Syme, who took it, bent it, and poised it with as much delay as was consistent with dignity.
Colonel Ducroix knelt and unlocked the case, pulling out a pair of twin swords that caught the sunlight and turned into two streaks of white fire. He handed one to the Marquis, who grabbed it without hesitation, and another to Syme, who accepted it, flexed it, and held it with as much delay as was appropriate for the moment.
Then the Colonel took out another pair of blades, and taking one himself and giving another to Dr. Bull, proceeded to place the men.
Then the Colonel pulled out another pair of blades, took one for himself, handed the other to Dr. Bull, and started to arrange the men.
Both combatants had thrown off their coats and waistcoats, and stood sword in hand. The seconds stood on each side of the line of fight with drawn swords also, but still sombre in their dark frock-coats and hats. The principals saluted. The Colonel said quietly, “Engage!” and the two blades touched and tingled.
Both fighters had taken off their coats and vests and stood ready with swords in hand. The seconds stood on either side of the dueling line, also with drawn swords, but still serious in their dark coats and hats. The main participants nodded to each other. The Colonel calmly said, "Engage!" and the two blades met and vibrated.
When the jar of the joined iron ran up Syme’s arm, all the fantastic fears that have been the subject of this story fell from him like dreams from a man waking up in bed. He remembered them clearly and in order as mere delusions of the nerves—how the fear of the Professor had been the fear of the tyrannic accidents of nightmare, and how the fear of the Doctor had been the fear of the airless vacuum of science. The first was the old fear that any miracle might happen, the second the more hopeless modern fear that no miracle can ever happen. But he saw that these fears were fancies, for he found himself in the presence of the great fact of the fear of death, with its coarse and pitiless common sense. He felt like a man who had dreamed all night of falling over precipices, and had woke up on the morning when he was to be hanged. For as soon as he had seen the sunlight run down the channel of his foe’s foreshortened blade, and as soon as he had felt the two tongues of steel touch, vibrating like two living things, he knew that his enemy was a terrible fighter, and that probably his last hour had come.
When the jar of joined iron ran up Syme's arm, all the wild fears that had been the focus of this story dropped away from him like dreams fading when someone wakes up. He recalled them clearly and in order, recognizing them as just nerve-induced illusions—how the fear of the Professor had been the dread of nightmarish, oppressive situations, and how the fear of the Doctor had been the dread of the lifeless void of science. The first was the old fear that anything miraculous could happen, while the second was the more hopeless modern fear that no miracle can ever occur. But he realized these fears were just phantoms, for he found himself facing the harsh reality of the fear of death, with its blunt and ruthless logic. He felt like a person who had spent the night dreaming of falling off cliffs, only to wake up on the morning of his execution. As soon as he saw the sunlight glint off his enemy's shortened blade, and as soon as he felt the two blades touch, vibrating like two living creatures, he understood that his opponent was an excellent fighter, and that his final hour had likely come.
He felt a strange and vivid value in all the earth around him, in the grass under his feet; he felt the love of life in all living things. He could almost fancy that he heard the grass growing; he could almost fancy that even as he stood fresh flowers were springing up and breaking into blossom in the meadow—flowers blood red and burning gold and blue, fulfilling the whole pageant of the spring. And whenever his eyes strayed for a flash from the calm, staring, hypnotic eyes of the Marquis, they saw the little tuft of almond tree against the sky-line. He had the feeling that if by some miracle he escaped he would be ready to sit for ever before that almond tree, desiring nothing else in the world.
He felt a strange and intense appreciation for everything around him, in the grass beneath his feet; he felt a love for life in all living things. He could almost imagine hearing the grass grow; he could almost believe that while he stood there, fresh flowers were blooming in the meadow—flowers in vibrant reds, fiery golds, and rich blues, showcasing the entire spectacle of spring. And whenever his eyes momentarily wandered from the calm, intense gaze of the Marquis, they fell on the small cluster of almond trees against the skyline. He had the sense that if he somehow escaped, he would be content to sit in front of that almond tree forever, wanting nothing else in the world.
But while earth and sky and everything had the living beauty of a thing lost, the other half of his head was as clear as glass, and he was parrying his enemy’s point with a kind of clockwork skill of which he had hardly supposed himself capable. Once his enemy’s point ran along his wrist, leaving a slight streak of blood, but it either was not noticed or was tacitly ignored. Every now and then he riposted, and once or twice he could almost fancy that he felt his point go home, but as there was no blood on blade or shirt he supposed he was mistaken. Then came an interruption and a change.
But while the earth and sky and everything had the vibrant beauty of something lost, the other half of his mind was as clear as glass, and he was countering his opponent’s strikes with a precision he hadn't thought he was capable of. Once, his opponent’s sword grazed his wrist, leaving a small trickle of blood, but it either went unnoticed or was silently overlooked. Every now and then he riposted, and once or twice he almost thought he felt his strike land, but since there was no blood on his blade or shirt, he assumed he was wrong. Then an interruption occurred, leading to a change.
At the risk of losing all, the Marquis, interrupting his quiet stare, flashed one glance over his shoulder at the line of railway on his right. Then he turned on Syme a face transfigured to that of a fiend, and began to fight as if with twenty weapons. The attack came so fast and furious, that the one shining sword seemed a shower of shining arrows. Syme had no chance to look at the railway; but also he had no need. He could guess the reason of the Marquis’s sudden madness of battle—the Paris train was in sight.
At the risk of losing everything, the Marquis, breaking his quiet gaze, glanced over his shoulder at the railway line to his right. Then he turned to Syme with a face twisted into a fiendish expression and began to fight as if he wielded twenty weapons. The assault was so quick and intense that his single shining sword appeared like a flurry of shining arrows. Syme didn’t have a chance to look at the railway, but he didn’t need to. He could guess what had triggered the Marquis’s sudden frenzy of battle—the Paris train was in sight.
But the Marquis’s morbid energy over-reached itself. Twice Syme, parrying, knocked his opponent’s point far out of the fighting circle; and the third time his riposte was so rapid, that there was no doubt about the hit this time. Syme’s sword actually bent under the weight of the Marquis’s body, which it had pierced.
But the Marquis’s intense energy went too far. Twice, Syme blocked and knocked his opponent’s sword way out of the fighting area; and the third time his riposte was so quick that there was no doubt about the hit this time. Syme’s sword actually bent under the weight of the Marquis’s body, which it had pierced.
Syme was as certain that he had stuck his blade into his enemy as a gardener that he has stuck his spade into the ground. Yet the Marquis sprang back from the stroke without a stagger, and Syme stood staring at his own sword-point like an idiot. There was no blood on it at all.
Syme was as sure that he had stabbed his enemy as a gardener is that he has stuck his spade into the ground. Yet the Marquis jumped back from the blow without a wobble, and Syme stood there staring at his own sword point like a fool. There was no blood on it at all.
There was an instant of rigid silence, and then Syme in his turn fell furiously on the other, filled with a flaming curiosity. The Marquis was probably, in a general sense, a better fencer than he, as he had surmised at the beginning, but at the moment the Marquis seemed distraught and at a disadvantage. He fought wildly and even weakly, and he constantly looked away at the railway line, almost as if he feared the train more than the pointed steel. Syme, on the other hand, fought fiercely but still carefully, in an intellectual fury, eager to solve the riddle of his own bloodless sword. For this purpose, he aimed less at the Marquis’s body, and more at his throat and head. A minute and a half afterwards he felt his point enter the man’s neck below the jaw. It came out clean. Half mad, he thrust again, and made what should have been a bloody scar on the Marquis’s cheek. But there was no scar.
There was a moment of tense silence, and then Syme aggressively attacked the other, filled with intense curiosity. The Marquis was probably, generally speaking, a better fencer than he had assumed at the start, but at that moment, the Marquis seemed flustered and at a disadvantage. He fought erratically and even weakly, frequently glancing towards the railway line, almost as if he was more afraid of the train than the sharp blade. Syme, on the other hand, fought fiercely yet carefully, driven by a mental intensity, eager to unravel the mystery of his own non-lethal weapon. To achieve this, he aimed less at the Marquis’s body and more at his throat and head. A minute and a half later, he felt his point pierce the man’s neck below the jaw. It came out cleanly. Half-crazed, he thrust again and made what should have been a bloody gash on the Marquis’s cheek. But there was no wound.
For one moment the heaven of Syme again grew black with supernatural terrors. Surely the man had a charmed life. But this new spiritual dread was a more awful thing than had been the mere spiritual topsy-turvydom symbolised by the paralytic who pursued him. The Professor was only a goblin; this man was a devil—perhaps he was the Devil! Anyhow, this was certain, that three times had a human sword been driven into him and made no mark. When Syme had that thought he drew himself up, and all that was good in him sang high up in the air as a high wind sings in the trees. He thought of all the human things in his story—of the Chinese lanterns in Saffron Park, of the girl’s red hair in the garden, of the honest, beer-swilling sailors down by the dock, of his loyal companions standing by. Perhaps he had been chosen as a champion of all these fresh and kindly things to cross swords with the enemy of all creation. “After all,” he said to himself, “I am more than a devil; I am a man. I can do the one thing which Satan himself cannot do—I can die,” and as the word went through his head, he heard a faint and far-off hoot, which would soon be the roar of the Paris train.
For a moment, the sky above Syme turned dark with supernatural fears. Surely, this man had a charmed life. But this new spiritual fear was a worse thing than the chaotic spirit symbolized by the paralytic who chased him. The Professor was just a goblin; this man was a devil—maybe he was the Devil! One thing was certain: three times, a human sword had been plunged into him without leaving a mark. When Syme had that thought, he straightened up, and everything good in him soared high like a strong wind blowing through the trees. He remembered all the human moments in his life—the Chinese lanterns in Saffron Park, the girl’s red hair in the garden, the honest, beer-drinking sailors by the dock, and his loyal friends standing by. Perhaps he had been chosen as a champion for all these fresh and kind things to battle the enemy of all creation. “After all,” he told himself, “I am more than a devil; I am a man. I can do the one thing that even Satan cannot do—I can die,” and as that thought crossed his mind, he heard a faint and distant hoot, which would soon roar into the sound of the Paris train.
He fell to fighting again with a supernatural levity, like a Mohammedan panting for Paradise. As the train came nearer and nearer he fancied he could see people putting up the floral arches in Paris; he joined in the growing noise and the glory of the great Republic whose gate he was guarding against Hell. His thoughts rose higher and higher with the rising roar of the train, which ended, as if proudly, in a long and piercing whistle. The train stopped.
He started fighting again with a supernatural lightness, like a Muslim yearning for Paradise. As the train got closer and closer, he imagined he could see people setting up floral arches in Paris; he joined in the increasing noise and the glory of the great Republic that he was protecting from Hell. His thoughts soared higher and higher with the growing roar of the train, which ended, as if proudly, with a long and piercing whistle. The train stopped.
Suddenly, to the astonishment of everyone the Marquis sprang back quite out of sword reach and threw down his sword. The leap was wonderful, and not the less wonderful because Syme had plunged his sword a moment before into the man’s thigh.
Suddenly, to everyone’s shock, the Marquis jumped back far enough to be out of sword reach and dropped his sword. The leap was remarkable, especially since Syme had just stabbed him in the thigh a moment before.
“Stop!” said the Marquis in a voice that compelled a momentary obedience. “I want to say something.”
“Stop!” said the Marquis in a tone that demanded immediate attention. “I need to say something.”
“What is the matter?” asked Colonel Ducroix, staring. “Has there been foul play?”
“What’s going on?” asked Colonel Ducroix, staring. “Has something bad happened?”
“There has been foul play somewhere,” said Dr. Bull, who was a little pale. “Our principal has wounded the Marquis four times at least, and he is none the worse.”
“There’s been foul play somewhere,” said Dr. Bull, looking a bit pale. “Our principal has injured the Marquis at least four times, and he’s none the worse for it.”
The Marquis put up his hand with a curious air of ghastly patience.
The Marquis raised his hand with a strangely eerie sense of patience.
“Please let me speak,” he said. “It is rather important. Mr. Syme,” he continued, turning to his opponent, “we are fighting today, if I remember right, because you expressed a wish (which I thought irrational) to pull my nose. Would you oblige me by pulling my nose now as quickly as possible? I have to catch a train.”
“Please let me talk,” he said. “It’s quite important. Mr. Syme,” he continued, turning to his opponent, “we are fighting today, if I recall correctly, because you wanted (which I thought was unreasonable) to pull my nose. Would you do me a favor and pull my nose now as quickly as you can? I have a train to catch.”
“I protest that this is most irregular,” said Dr. Bull indignantly.
“I object that this is really unusual,” Dr. Bull said indignantly.
“It is certainly somewhat opposed to precedent,” said Colonel Ducroix, looking wistfully at his principal. “There is, I think, one case on record (Captain Bellegarde and the Baron Zumpt) in which the weapons were changed in the middle of the encounter at the request of one of the combatants. But one can hardly call one’s nose a weapon.”
“It’s definitely a bit against tradition,” said Colonel Ducroix, gazing thoughtfully at his superior. “I believe there’s only one recorded instance (Captain Bellegarde and Baron Zumpt) where the weapons were switched during the fight at one of the fighter’s request. But you can hardly consider a nose a weapon.”
“Will you or will you not pull my nose?” said the Marquis in exasperation. “Come, come, Mr. Syme! You wanted to do it, do it! You can have no conception of how important it is to me. Don’t be so selfish! Pull my nose at once, when I ask you!” and he bent slightly forward with a fascinating smile. The Paris train, panting and groaning, had grated into a little station behind the neighbouring hill.
“Will you or will you not pull my nose?” the Marquis asked, feeling frustrated. “Come on, Mr. Syme! You wanted to do it, so just do it! You can't imagine how important this is to me. Don’t be so selfish! Pull my nose right now, please!” He leaned slightly forward with an enticing smile. The Paris train, huffing and puffing, had pulled into a small station behind the nearby hill.
Syme had the feeling he had more than once had in these adventures—the sense that a horrible and sublime wave lifted to heaven was just toppling over. Walking in a world he half understood, he took two paces forward and seized the Roman nose of this remarkable nobleman. He pulled it hard, and it came off in his hand.
Syme felt that familiar sensation he often experienced during these adventures—the feeling that a terrifying yet magnificent wave, about to crash down, was rising up to the sky. As he walked through a world he only partly understood, he took two steps forward and grabbed the Roman nose of this extraordinary nobleman. He yanked it hard, and it came off in his hand.
He stood for some seconds with a foolish solemnity, with the pasteboard proboscis still between his fingers, looking at it, while the sun and the clouds and the wooded hills looked down upon this imbecile scene.
He stood there for a few seconds with a silly seriousness, holding the cardboard nose between his fingers, staring at it, while the sun, the clouds, and the wooded hills looked down on this ridiculous scene.
The Marquis broke the silence in a loud and cheerful voice.
The Marquis shattered the silence with a loud and cheerful voice.
“If anyone has any use for my left eyebrow,” he said, “he can have it. Colonel Ducroix, do accept my left eyebrow! It’s the kind of thing that might come in useful any day,” and he gravely tore off one of his swarthy Assyrian brows, bringing about half his brown forehead with it, and politely offered it to the Colonel, who stood crimson and speechless with rage.
“If anyone finds my left eyebrow useful,” he said, “they can take it. Colonel Ducroix, please accept my left eyebrow! It’s the kind of thing that might be handy any day,” and he seriously ripped off one of his dark Assyrian eyebrows, pulling about half of his brown forehead with it, and politely offered it to the Colonel, who stood red-faced and speechless with anger.
“If I had known,” he spluttered, “that I was acting for a poltroon who pads himself to fight—”
“If I had known,” he spluttered, “that I was acting for a coward who cheats to win—”
“Oh, I know, I know!” said the Marquis, recklessly throwing various parts of himself right and left about the field. “You are making a mistake; but it can’t be explained just now. I tell you the train has come into the station!”
“Oh, I know, I know!” said the Marquis, carelessly tossing pieces of himself around the field. “You’re making a mistake; but it’s not the right time to explain. I’m telling you, the train has arrived at the station!”
“Yes,” said Dr. Bull fiercely, “and the train shall go out of the station. It shall go out without you. We know well enough for what devil’s work—”
“Yes,” Dr. Bull said fiercely, “and the train will leave the station. It will leave without you. We know exactly what devilish plans—”
The mysterious Marquis lifted his hands with a desperate gesture. He was a strange scarecrow standing there in the sun with half his old face peeled off, and half another face glaring and grinning from underneath.
The mysterious Marquis raised his hands in a desperate gesture. He looked like a weird scarecrow standing in the sun with half his old face stripped away, and half another face glaring and grinning from beneath.
“Will you drive me mad?” he cried. “The train—”
“Are you trying to drive me crazy?” he shouted. “The train—”
“You shall not go by the train,” said Syme firmly, and grasped his sword.
“You're not taking the train,” Syme said firmly, grabbing his sword.
The wild figure turned towards Syme, and seemed to be gathering itself for a sublime effort before speaking.
The wild figure turned to Syme and appeared to be preparing for a grand effort before speaking.
“You great fat, blasted, blear-eyed, blundering, thundering, brainless, Godforsaken, doddering, damned fool!” he said without taking breath. “You great silly, pink-faced, towheaded turnip! You—”
“You big, fat, awful, bleary-eyed, clumsy, loud, brainless, Godforsaken, old fool!” he said in one breath. “You big silly, pink-faced, blond turnip! You—”
“You shall not go by this train,” repeated Syme.
“You're not taking this train,” Syme said again.
“And why the infernal blazes,” roared the other, “should I want to go by the train?”
“And why the hell,” yelled the other, “would I want to take the train?”
“We know all,” said the Professor sternly. “You are going to Paris to throw a bomb!”
“We know everything,” said the Professor firmly. “You’re going to Paris to plant a bomb!”
“Going to Jericho to throw a Jabberwock!” cried the other, tearing his hair, which came off easily. “Have you all got softening of the brain, that you don’t realise what I am? Did you really think I wanted to catch that train? Twenty Paris trains might go by for me. Damn Paris trains!”
“Going to Jericho to catch a Jabberwock!” shouted the other, pulling at his hair, which came off without much effort. “Have you all lost your minds, not realizing what I am? Did you seriously think I wanted to catch that train? Twenty Paris trains could pass by, and I wouldn’t care. Damn Paris trains!”
“Then what did you care about?” began the Professor.
“Then what did you care about?” the Professor asked.
“What did I care about? I didn’t care about catching the train; I cared about whether the train caught me, and now, by God! it has caught me.”
“What did I care about? I didn’t care about catching the train; I cared about whether the train caught me, and now, by God! it has caught me.”
“I regret to inform you,” said Syme with restraint, “that your remarks convey no impression to my mind. Perhaps if you were to remove the remains of your original forehead and some portion of what was once your chin, your meaning would become clearer. Mental lucidity fulfils itself in many ways. What do you mean by saying that the train has caught you? It may be my literary fancy, but somehow I feel that it ought to mean something.”
“I’m sorry to say,” Syme said calmly, “that your comments leave no impact on me. Maybe if you got rid of what’s left of your original forehead and some of what used to be your chin, your point would be clearer. Clarity of thought manifests in many ways. What do you mean when you say that the train has caught you? It might just be my imagination, but I feel like it should mean something.”
“It means everything,” said the other, “and the end of everything. Sunday has us now in the hollow of his hand.”
“It means everything,” said the other, “and the end of everything. Sunday has us now in the palm of his hand.”
“Us!” repeated the Professor, as if stupefied. “What do you mean by ‘us’?”
“Us!” repeated the Professor, sounding bewildered. “What do you mean by ‘us’?”
“The police, of course!” said the Marquis, and tore off his scalp and half his face.
“The police, of course!” the Marquis said, ripping off his scalp and half his face.
The head which emerged was the blonde, well brushed, smooth-haired head which is common in the English constabulary, but the face was terribly pale.
The head that appeared was the blonde, neatly styled, smooth-haired head typical of English police, but the face was extremely pale.
“I am Inspector Ratcliffe,” he said, with a sort of haste that verged on harshness. “My name is pretty well known to the police, and I can see well enough that you belong to them. But if there is any doubt about my position, I have a card,” and he began to pull a blue card from his pocket.
“I’m Inspector Ratcliffe,” he said, with a briskness that bordered on rudeness. “My name is fairly well known to the police, and I can tell you’re one of them. But if there’s any question about my authority, I have a badge,” and he started pulling a blue card out of his pocket.
The Professor gave a tired gesture.
The Professor waved his hand in exhaustion.
“Oh, don’t show it us,” he said wearily; “we’ve got enough of them to equip a paper-chase.”
“Oh, don’t show it to us,” he said tiredly; “we’ve got enough of them to set up a paper chase.”
The little man named Bull, had, like many men who seem to be of a mere vivacious vulgarity, sudden movements of good taste. Here he certainly saved the situation. In the midst of this staggering transformation scene he stepped forward with all the gravity and responsibility of a second, and addressed the two seconds of the Marquis.
The small man named Bull, like many who appear to be just lively and crude, had surprising moments of good taste. Here, he definitely turned things around. In the middle of this overwhelming transformation, he stepped up with all the seriousness and responsibility of a second, and spoke to the two seconds of the Marquis.
“Gentlemen,” he said, “we all owe you a serious apology; but I assure you that you have not been made the victims of such a low joke as you imagine, or indeed of anything undignified in a man of honour. You have not wasted your time; you have helped to save the world. We are not buffoons, but very desperate men at war with a vast conspiracy. A secret society of anarchists is hunting us like hares; not such unfortunate madmen as may here or there throw a bomb through starvation or German philosophy, but a rich and powerful and fanatical church, a church of eastern pessimism, which holds it holy to destroy mankind like vermin. How hard they hunt us you can gather from the fact that we are driven to such disguises as those for which I apologise, and to such pranks as this one by which you suffer.”
“Gentlemen,” he said, “we owe you a sincere apology; but I assure you that you haven’t fallen victim to the low joke you think, or to anything undignified for an honorable man. You haven’t wasted your time; you’ve helped save the world. We’re not fools, but desperate men fighting against a huge conspiracy. A secret society of anarchists is hunting us like prey; not the unfortunate madmen who might throw a bomb out of desperation or distorted ideology, but a wealthy and powerful fanatical church, a church rooted in eastern pessimism, which believes it’s righteous to exterminate humanity like pests. You can gauge their relentless pursuit of us by the fact that we’ve resorted to disguises like the ones I’m apologizing for, and to the pranks you are experiencing.”
The younger second of the Marquis, a short man with a black moustache, bowed politely, and said—
The younger second of the Marquis, a short guy with a black mustache, politely bowed and said—
“Of course, I accept the apology; but you will in your turn forgive me if I decline to follow you further into your difficulties, and permit myself to say good morning! The sight of an acquaintance and distinguished fellow-townsman coming to pieces in the open air is unusual, and, upon the whole, sufficient for one day. Colonel Ducroix, I would in no way influence your actions, but if you feel with me that our present society is a little abnormal, I am now going to walk back to the town.”
“Of course, I accept your apology; but I hope you’ll understand if I choose not to get involved in your problems any further and say good morning! It’s uncommon to see an acquaintance and a notable member of our community falling apart in public, and that’s more than enough for one day. Colonel Ducroix, I don’t want to sway your decisions, but if you agree with me that our current society is a bit off, I’m going to head back to town now.”
Colonel Ducroix moved mechanically, but then tugged abruptly at his white moustache and broke out—
Colonel Ducroix moved in a stiff manner, but then suddenly pulled at his white mustache and said—
“No, by George! I won’t. If these gentlemen are really in a mess with a lot of low wreckers like that, I’ll see them through it. I have fought for France, and it is hard if I can’t fight for civilization.”
“No way! I won’t do it. If these guys are really tangled up with a bunch of low-life wreckers like that, I’ll help them out. I’ve fought for France, and it’s tough if I can’t fight for civilization.”
Dr. Bull took off his hat and waved it, cheering as at a public meeting.
Dr. Bull took off his hat and waved it, cheering like he was at a public meeting.
“Don’t make too much noise,” said Inspector Ratcliffe, “Sunday may hear you.”
“Don’t be too loud,” said Inspector Ratcliffe, “Sunday might hear you.”
“Sunday!” cried Bull, and dropped his hat.
“Sunday!” shouted Bull, and dropped his hat.
“Yes,” retorted Ratcliffe, “he may be with them.”
“Yes,” replied Ratcliffe, “he could be with them.”
“With whom?” asked Syme.
"With who?" asked Syme.
“With the people out of that train,” said the other.
“With the people off that train,” said the other.
“What you say seems utterly wild,” began Syme. “Why, as a matter of fact—But, my God,” he cried out suddenly, like a man who sees an explosion a long way off, “by God! if this is true the whole bally lot of us on the Anarchist Council were against anarchy! Every born man was a detective except the President and his personal secretary. What can it mean?”
“What you're saying sounds completely crazy,” Syme started. “Actually—But, my God,” he suddenly exclaimed, like someone witnessing an explosion from afar, “if this is true, then all of us on the Anarchist Council were against anarchy! Every single person was a detective except for the President and his personal secretary. What does this mean?”
“Mean!” said the new policeman with incredible violence. “It means that we are struck dead! Don’t you know Sunday? Don’t you know that his jokes are always so big and simple that one has never thought of them? Can you think of anything more like Sunday than this, that he should put all his powerful enemies on the Supreme Council, and then take care that it was not supreme? I tell you he has bought every trust, he has captured every cable, he has control of every railway line—especially of that railway line!” and he pointed a shaking finger towards the small wayside station. “The whole movement was controlled by him; half the world was ready to rise for him. But there were just five people, perhaps, who would have resisted him... and the old devil put them on the Supreme Council, to waste their time in watching each other. Idiots that we are, he planned the whole of our idiocies! Sunday knew that the Professor would chase Syme through London, and that Syme would fight me in France. And he was combining great masses of capital, and seizing great lines of telegraphy, while we five idiots were running after each other like a lot of confounded babies playing blind man’s buff.”
“Mean!” shouted the new policeman with intense anger. “It means we’re done for! Don’t you know about Sunday? Don’t you get that his jokes are always so huge and straightforward that nobody ever thinks of them? Can you imagine anything more like Sunday than the fact that he put all his powerful enemies on the Supreme Council, and then made sure it wasn’t really supreme? I’m telling you, he’s bought off every trust, he’s taken control of every cable, he runs every railway line—especially that railway line!” He pointed a trembling finger at the small roadside station. “The entire movement was in his hands; half the world was ready to rise up for him. But there were maybe just five people who would have stood against him... and the old devil put them on the Supreme Council, just to waste their time watching one another. Idiots that we are, he orchestrated all our foolishness! Sunday knew that the Professor would chase Syme through London, and that Syme would end up fighting me in France. And he was gathering massive amounts of capital and taking control of major telegraph lines while we five idiots were running after each other like a bunch of clueless kids playing blind man’s buff.”
“Well?” asked Syme with a sort of steadiness.
"Well?" Syme asked coolly.
“Well,” replied the other with sudden serenity, “he has found us playing blind man’s buff today in a field of great rustic beauty and extreme solitude. He has probably captured the world; it only remains to him to capture this field and all the fools in it. And since you really want to know what was my objection to the arrival of that train, I will tell you. My objection was that Sunday or his Secretary has just this moment got out of it.”
“Well,” replied the other with sudden calm, “he has found us playing blind man’s buff today in a field of beautiful countryside and complete solitude. He has probably taken over the world; he just needs to take over this field and all the fools in it. And since you really want to know what my issue was with that train arriving, I’ll tell you. My issue was that Sunday or his Secretary just got off it.”
Syme uttered an involuntary cry, and they all turned their eyes towards the far-off station. It was quite true that a considerable bulk of people seemed to be moving in their direction. But they were too distant to be distinguished in any way.
Syme let out an involuntary shout, and everyone turned to look at the distant station. It was true that a large crowd appeared to be moving toward them. But they were too far away to be seen clearly.
“It was a habit of the late Marquis de St. Eustache,” said the new policeman, producing a leather case, “always to carry a pair of opera glasses. Either the President or the Secretary is coming after us with that mob. They have caught us in a nice quiet place where we are under no temptations to break our oaths by calling the police. Dr. Bull, I have a suspicion that you will see better through these than through your own highly decorative spectacles.”
“It was a habit of the late Marquis de St. Eustache,” said the new policeman, pulling out a leather case, “to always carry a pair of opera glasses. Either the President or the Secretary is coming after us with that crowd. They’ve found us in a nice quiet spot where we’re not tempted to break our oaths by calling the police. Dr. Bull, I suspect you’ll see better through these than through your own fancy glasses.”
He handed the field-glasses to the Doctor, who immediately took off his spectacles and put the apparatus to his eyes.
He passed the binoculars to the Doctor, who quickly removed his glasses and brought the device up to his eyes.
“It cannot be as bad as you say,” said the Professor, somewhat shaken. “There are a good number of them certainly, but they may easily be ordinary tourists.”
“It can't be as bad as you say,” said the Professor, a bit shaken. “There are definitely a lot of them, but they could easily just be regular tourists.”
“Do ordinary tourists,” asked Bull, with the fieldglasses to his eyes, “wear black masks half-way down the face?”
“Do regular tourists,” asked Bull, with the binoculars to his eyes, “wear black masks halfway down their faces?”
Syme almost tore the glasses out of his hand, and looked through them. Most men in the advancing mob really looked ordinary enough; but it was quite true that two or three of the leaders in front wore black half-masks almost down to their mouths. This disguise is very complete, especially at such a distance, and Syme found it impossible to conclude anything from the clean-shaven jaws and chins of the men talking in the front. But presently as they talked they all smiled and one of them smiled on one side.
Syme almost yanked the glasses out of his hand and looked through them. Most of the guys in the approaching crowd really looked pretty ordinary, but it was definitely true that two or three of the leaders at the front wore black half-masks that covered almost their entire faces. This disguise was very effective, especially from such a distance, and Syme found it impossible to figure anything out from the clean-shaven jaws and chins of the men speaking at the front. But soon, as they talked, they all smiled, and one of them smiled slightly to one side.
CHAPTER XI.
THE CRIMINALS CHASE THE POLICE
Syme put the field-glasses from his eyes with an almost ghastly relief.
Syme lowered the binoculars from his eyes with a nearly horrifying sense of relief.
“The President is not with them, anyhow,” he said, and wiped his forehead.
“The President isn’t with them, anyway,” he said, wiping his forehead.
“But surely they are right away on the horizon,” said the bewildered Colonel, blinking and but half recovered from Bull’s hasty though polite explanation. “Could you possibly know your President among all those people?”
“But they must be just over the horizon,” said the confused Colonel, blinking and still only half grasping Bull’s quick but courteous explanation. “Is it possible for you to recognize your President among all those people?”
“Could I know a white elephant among all those people!” answered Syme somewhat irritably. “As you very truly say, they are on the horizon; but if he were walking with them... by God! I believe this ground would shake.”
“Could I spot a white elephant among all those people!” Syme replied, somewhat annoyed. “As you rightly point out, they’re on the horizon; but if he were walking with them... I swear, I think this ground would shake.”
After an instant’s pause the new man called Ratcliffe said with gloomy decision—
After a brief pause, the new guy named Ratcliffe said with a serious tone—
“Of course the President isn’t with them. I wish to Gemini he were. Much more likely the President is riding in triumph through Paris, or sitting on the ruins of St. Paul’s Cathedral.”
“Of course the President isn’t with them. I wish to Gemini he were. Much more likely the President is riding in triumph through Paris, or sitting on the ruins of St. Paul’s Cathedral.”
“This is absurd!” said Syme. “Something may have happened in our absence; but he cannot have carried the world with a rush like that. It is quite true,” he added, frowning dubiously at the distant fields that lay towards the little station, “it is certainly true that there seems to be a crowd coming this way; but they are not all the army that you make out.”
“This is ridiculous!” said Syme. “Something might have happened while we were away, but there's no way he could have taken over so quickly. It’s definitely true,” he added, frowning skeptically at the distant fields near the small station, “there does seem to be a crowd coming this way; but they aren’t all the army you think they are.”
“Oh, they,” said the new detective contemptuously; “no, they are not a very valuable force. But let me tell you frankly that they are precisely calculated to our value—we are not much, my boy, in Sunday’s universe. He has got hold of all the cables and telegraphs himself. But to kill the Supreme Council he regards as a trivial matter, like a post card; it may be left to his private secretary,” and he spat on the grass.
“Oh, them,” the new detective said dismissively. “No, they’re not very effective at all. But I’ll be honest with you—they're just right for our worth. We really don’t matter much in Sunday’s world. He’s got all the connections and handles everything himself. But he thinks eliminating the Supreme Council is no big deal, like sending a postcard; he could just leave it to his assistant,” and he spat on the grass.
Then he turned to the others and said somewhat austerely—
Then he turned to the others and said in a somewhat serious tone—
“There is a great deal to be said for death; but if anyone has any preference for the other alternative, I strongly advise him to walk after me.”
“There’s a lot to be said for death; but if anyone prefers the other option, I strongly suggest they follow me.”
With these words, he turned his broad back and strode with silent energy towards the wood. The others gave one glance over their shoulders, and saw that the dark cloud of men had detached itself from the station and was moving with a mysterious discipline across the plain. They saw already, even with the naked eye, black blots on the foremost faces, which marked the masks they wore. They turned and followed their leader, who had already struck the wood, and disappeared among the twinkling trees.
With these words, he turned his broad back and walked with quiet determination toward the woods. The others took a quick glance over their shoulders and saw that the dark group of men had separated from the station and was moving in an almost eerie formation across the field. Even from a distance, they could see dark spots on the front faces, which indicated the masks they were wearing. They turned and followed their leader, who had already entered the woods and vanished among the shimmering trees.
The sun on the grass was dry and hot. So in plunging into the wood they had a cool shock of shadow, as of divers who plunge into a dim pool. The inside of the wood was full of shattered sunlight and shaken shadows. They made a sort of shuddering veil, almost recalling the dizziness of a cinematograph. Even the solid figures walking with him Syme could hardly see for the patterns of sun and shade that danced upon them. Now a man’s head was lit as with a light of Rembrandt, leaving all else obliterated; now again he had strong and staring white hands with the face of a negro. The ex-Marquis had pulled the old straw hat over his eyes, and the black shade of the brim cut his face so squarely in two that it seemed to be wearing one of the black half-masks of their pursuers. The fancy tinted Syme’s overwhelming sense of wonder. Was he wearing a mask? Was anyone wearing a mask? Was anyone anything? This wood of witchery, in which men’s faces turned black and white by turns, in which their figures first swelled into sunlight and then faded into formless night, this mere chaos of chiaroscuro (after the clear daylight outside), seemed to Syme a perfect symbol of the world in which he had been moving for three days, this world where men took off their beards and their spectacles and their noses, and turned into other people. That tragic self-confidence which he had felt when he believed that the Marquis was a devil had strangely disappeared now that he knew that the Marquis was a friend. He felt almost inclined to ask after all these bewilderments what was a friend and what an enemy. Was there anything that was apart from what it seemed? The Marquis had taken off his nose and turned out to be a detective. Might he not just as well take off his head and turn out to be a hobgoblin? Was not everything, after all, like this bewildering woodland, this dance of dark and light? Everything only a glimpse, the glimpse always unforeseen, and always forgotten. For Gabriel Syme had found in the heart of that sun-splashed wood what many modern painters had found there. He had found the thing which the modern people call Impressionism, which is another name for that final scepticism which can find no floor to the universe.
The sun on the grass was dry and hot. So when they dove into the woods, they experienced a cool shock of shadow, like divers plunging into a dim pool. Inside the woods, shattered sunlight and flickering shadows surrounded them. They created a sort of shuddering veil, almost reminding Syme of the dizziness from a movie. Even the solid figures walking with him were hard for Syme to see because of the patterns of sun and shade dancing around them. Sometimes a man’s head was illuminated like a Rembrandt painting, leaving everything else in darkness; other times, strong and striking white hands stood out against a black face. The ex-Marquis had pulled his old straw hat down over his eyes, and the dark shade of the brim split his face so evenly that it looked like he was wearing one of the black half-masks of their pursuers. This thought heightened Syme’s overwhelming sense of wonder. Was he wearing a mask? Was anyone wearing a mask? Was anyone anything? This enchanted woods, where men’s faces alternated between black and white, where their figures first bloomed in sunlight and then faded into shapeless night, this chaotic play of light and shadow (after the clear daylight outside), seemed to Syme a perfect symbol of the world he had been navigating for three days, a world where people removed their beards and glasses and noses and turned into different individuals. That tragic self-confidence he had felt when he believed the Marquis was a devil had strangely vanished now that he knew the Marquis was a friend. He felt almost tempted to ask amidst all these confusions what a friend was and what an enemy was. Was there anything that existed apart from what it appeared to be? The Marquis had removed his nose and turned out to be a detective. Could he not just as easily remove his head and turn out to be a hobgoblin? Wasn’t everything, after all, like this bewildering woodland, this interplay of dark and light? Everything was just a fleeting glimpse, always unexpected, and always forgotten. For Gabriel Syme had discovered in the heart of that sun-drenched wood what many modern painters had also uncovered there. He had found what modern people refer to as Impressionism, which is another term for that ultimate skepticism that finds no solid ground in the universe.
As a man in an evil dream strains himself to scream and wake, Syme strove with a sudden effort to fling off this last and worst of his fancies. With two impatient strides he overtook the man in the Marquis’s straw hat, the man whom he had come to address as Ratcliffe. In a voice exaggeratively loud and cheerful, he broke the bottomless silence and made conversation.
As a man in a bad dream struggles to scream and wake up, Syme made a sudden effort to shake off this last and worst of his thoughts. With two quick steps, he caught up to the guy in the Marquis’s straw hat, the guy he had come to call Ratcliffe. In a voice that was overly loud and cheerful, he broke the deep silence and started a conversation.
“May I ask,” he said, “where on earth we are all going to?”
“Can I ask,” he said, “where we’re all headed?”
So genuine had been the doubts of his soul, that he was quite glad to hear his companion speak in an easy, human voice.
So genuine had been the doubts of his soul, that he was quite glad to hear his companion speak in an easy, human voice.
“We must get down through the town of Lancy to the sea,” he said. “I think that part of the country is least likely to be with them.”
“We need to get through the town of Lancy to the sea,” he said. “I believe that area is the least likely to be associated with them.”
“What can you mean by all this?” cried Syme. “They can’t be running the real world in that way. Surely not many working men are anarchists, and surely if they were, mere mobs could not beat modern armies and police.”
“What do you mean by all this?” Syme shouted. “They can’t be running the real world like that. Surely not many working-class men are anarchists, and if they were, crowds wouldn’t stand a chance against modern armies and police.”
“Mere mobs!” repeated his new friend with a snort of scorn. “So you talk about mobs and the working classes as if they were the question. You’ve got that eternal idiotic idea that if anarchy came it would come from the poor. Why should it? The poor have been rebels, but they have never been anarchists; they have more interest than anyone else in there being some decent government. The poor man really has a stake in the country. The rich man hasn’t; he can go away to New Guinea in a yacht. The poor have sometimes objected to being governed badly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all. Aristocrats were always anarchists, as you can see from the barons’ wars.”
“Mere mobs!” his new friend scoffed. “So you talk about mobs and the working classes like they’re the issue. You’ve got that ridiculous notion that if chaos were to happen, it would come from the poor. Why would it? The poor have been rebels, but they’ve never been anarchists; they care more than anyone else about having a decent government. The poor man really has a stake in the country. The rich man doesn’t; he can just leave for New Guinea on a yacht. The poor have sometimes objected to being governed poorly; the rich have always objected to being governed at all. Aristocrats have always been anarchists, as you can see from the barons’ wars.”
“As a lecture on English history for the little ones,” said Syme, “this is all very nice; but I have not yet grasped its application.”
“As a lecture on English history for kids,” said Syme, “this is all really nice, but I still haven't figured out how it applies.”
“Its application is,” said his informant, “that most of old Sunday’s right-hand men are South African and American millionaires. That is why he has got hold of all the communications; and that is why the last four champions of the anti-anarchist police force are running through a wood like rabbits.”
“Its application is,” said his informant, “that most of old Sunday’s main guys are millionaires from South Africa and America. That’s why he has control over all the communications; and that’s why the last four champions of the anti-anarchist police force are running through the woods like rabbits.”
“Millionaires I can understand,” said Syme thoughtfully, “they are nearly all mad. But getting hold of a few wicked old gentlemen with hobbies is one thing; getting hold of great Christian nations is another. I would bet the nose off my face (forgive the allusion) that Sunday would stand perfectly helpless before the task of converting any ordinary healthy person anywhere.”
“Millionaires I can get,” Syme said thoughtfully, “they're mostly all crazy. But snatching up a few mischievous old men with hobbies is one thing; convincing entire great Christian nations is another. I’d bet my nose (forgive the reference) that Sunday would find himself totally powerless when it comes to converting any average healthy person anywhere.”
“Well,” said the other, “it rather depends what sort of person you mean.”
“Well,” said the other, “that kind of depends on what you mean by the type of person.”
“Well, for instance,” said Syme, “he could never convert that person,” and he pointed straight in front of him.
“Well, for example,” said Syme, “he could never change that person,” and he pointed straight ahead.
They had come to an open space of sunlight, which seemed to express to Syme the final return of his own good sense; and in the middle of this forest clearing was a figure that might well stand for that common sense in an almost awful actuality. Burnt by the sun and stained with perspiration, and grave with the bottomless gravity of small necessary toils, a heavy French peasant was cutting wood with a hatchet. His cart stood a few yards off, already half full of timber; and the horse that cropped the grass was, like his master, valorous but not desperate; like his master, he was even prosperous, but yet was almost sad. The man was a Norman, taller than the average of the French and very angular; and his swarthy figure stood dark against a square of sunlight, almost like some allegoric figure of labour frescoed on a ground of gold.
They had arrived in a sunny clearing that felt like a sign of Syme’s regained sanity. In the middle of this forest opening stood a figure that could represent common sense in a strikingly real way. Sunburned and sweating, weighed down by the seriousness of everyday tasks, a sturdy French farmer was chopping wood with a hatchet. His cart was parked a few yards away, already half-filled with timber, and the horse grazing on the grass was, like its owner, strong but not frantic; like its owner, it looked somewhat content yet also a bit sad. The man was a Norman, taller than most Frenchmen and quite angular; his dark figure contrasted sharply against a patch of sunlight, almost like an allegorical image of labor painted on a golden background.
“Mr. Syme is saying,” called out Ratcliffe to the French Colonel, “that this man, at least, will never be an anarchist.”
“Mr. Syme is saying,” Ratcliffe called out to the French Colonel, “that this man, at least, will never be an anarchist.”
“Mr. Syme is right enough there,” answered Colonel Ducroix, laughing, “if only for the reason that he has plenty of property to defend. But I forgot that in your country you are not used to peasants being wealthy.”
“Mr. Syme is totally right there,” Colonel Ducroix replied with a laugh, “mainly because he has a lot of property to protect. But I forgot that in your country, you’re not used to wealthy peasants.”
“He looks poor,” said Dr. Bull doubtfully.
“He looks poor,” Dr. Bull said, sounding unsure.
“Quite so,” said the Colonel; “that is why he is rich.”
“Exactly,” said the Colonel; “that’s why he’s wealthy.”
“I have an idea,” called out Dr. Bull suddenly; “how much would he take to give us a lift in his cart? Those dogs are all on foot, and we could soon leave them behind.”
“I have an idea,” Dr. Bull shouted suddenly; “how much would it cost for him to give us a ride in his cart? Those dogs are all on foot, and we could easily leave them behind.”
“Oh, give him anything!” said Syme eagerly. “I have piles of money on me.”
“Oh, give him anything!” Syme said eagerly. “I have loads of money with me.”
“That will never do,” said the Colonel; “he will never have any respect for you unless you drive a bargain.”
“That won’t work,” said the Colonel; “he’ll never respect you unless you negotiate a deal.”
“Oh, if he haggles!” began Bull impatiently.
“Oh, if he starts haggling!” Bull began impatiently.
“He haggles because he is a free man,” said the other. “You do not understand; he would not see the meaning of generosity. He is not being tipped.”
“He haggles because he is a free man,” said the other. “You don’t get it; he wouldn’t see the point of generosity. He’s not being tipped.”
And even while they seemed to hear the heavy feet of their strange pursuers behind them, they had to stand and stamp while the French Colonel talked to the French wood-cutter with all the leisurely badinage and bickering of market-day. At the end of the four minutes, however, they saw that the Colonel was right, for the wood-cutter entered into their plans, not with the vague servility of a tout too-well paid, but with the seriousness of a solicitor who had been paid the proper fee. He told them that the best thing they could do was to make their way down to the little inn on the hills above Lancy, where the innkeeper, an old soldier who had become dévot in his latter years, would be certain to sympathise with them, and even to take risks in their support. The whole company, therefore, piled themselves on top of the stacks of wood, and went rocking in the rude cart down the other and steeper side of the woodland. Heavy and ramshackle as was the vehicle, it was driven quickly enough, and they soon had the exhilarating impression of distancing altogether those, whoever they were, who were hunting them. For, after all, the riddle as to where the anarchists had got all these followers was still unsolved. One man’s presence had sufficed for them; they had fled at the first sight of the deformed smile of the Secretary. Syme every now and then looked back over his shoulder at the army on their track.
And even though they could hear the heavy footsteps of their strange pursuers behind them, they had to stand and shuffle while the French Colonel chatted with the French woodcutter in the easygoing banter and bantering of market day. At the end of four minutes, though, they realized the Colonel was right, because the woodcutter engaged with their plans, not with the vague servility of a well-paid tout, but with the seriousness of a lawyer who had received the proper fee. He told them their best bet was to head down to the little inn on the hills above Lancy, where the innkeeper, an old soldier who had become devout in his later years, would definitely sympathize with them and even take risks to help them. So the whole group piled on top of the stacks of wood and rocked in the rough cart down the steeper side of the woods. Heavy and rickety as it was, the vehicle moved quickly enough, and they soon felt the thrill of putting distance between themselves and whoever was chasing them. After all, the mystery of where the anarchists had gotten all these followers was still unanswered. One man’s presence had been enough for them; they had fled at the first sight of the Secretary's twisted smile. Every now and then, Syme glanced back over his shoulder at the pursuing army.
As the wood grew first thinner and then smaller with distance, he could see the sunlit slopes beyond it and above it; and across these was still moving the square black mob like one monstrous beetle. In the very strong sunlight and with his own very strong eyes, which were almost telescopic, Syme could see this mass of men quite plainly. He could see them as separate human figures; but he was increasingly surprised by the way in which they moved as one man. They seemed to be dressed in dark clothes and plain hats, like any common crowd out of the streets; but they did not spread and sprawl and trail by various lines to the attack, as would be natural in an ordinary mob. They moved with a sort of dreadful and wicked woodenness, like a staring army of automatons.
As the trees got thinner and then smaller with distance, he could see the sunlit slopes beyond and above them; and across these, there was still the square black mass moving like one giant beetle. In the strong sunlight and with his own very keen eyes, which were almost telescopic, Syme could see this group of men quite clearly. He could see them as individual figures; however, he was increasingly amazed by how they moved as if they were one person. They seemed to be dressed in dark clothes and plain hats, like any ordinary crowd on the streets; but they didn’t spread out and scatter in various directions for the attack, as would be normal for a typical mob. They moved with a sort of terrifying and unnatural stiffness, like a motionless army of automatons.
Syme pointed this out to Ratcliffe.
Syme pointed this out to Ratcliffe.
“Yes,” replied the policeman, “that’s discipline. That’s Sunday. He is perhaps five hundred miles off, but the fear of him is on all of them, like the finger of God. Yes, they are walking regularly; and you bet your boots that they are talking regularly, yes, and thinking regularly. But the one important thing for us is that they are disappearing regularly.”
“Yeah,” replied the policeman, “that’s discipline. That’s Sunday. He’s probably about five hundred miles away, but they all fear him, like the hand of God. Yes, they’re walking in a straight line; and you can bet they’re talking in a straight line too, and thinking in a straight line. But the most important thing for us is that they’re disappearing in a consistent way.”
Syme nodded. It was true that the black patch of the pursuing men was growing smaller and smaller as the peasant belaboured his horse.
Syme nodded. It was true that the group of men chasing them was getting smaller and smaller as the peasant whipped his horse.
The level of the sunlit landscape, though flat as a whole, fell away on the farther side of the wood in billows of heavy slope towards the sea, in a way not unlike the lower slopes of the Sussex downs. The only difference was that in Sussex the road would have been broken and angular like a little brook, but here the white French road fell sheer in front of them like a waterfall. Down this direct descent the cart clattered at a considerable angle, and in a few minutes, the road growing yet steeper, they saw below them the little harbour of Lancy and a great blue arc of the sea. The travelling cloud of their enemies had wholly disappeared from the horizon.
The sunlit landscape was mostly flat, but it dropped away on the far side of the woods in rolling hills down to the sea, similar to the lower slopes of the Sussex downs. The only difference was that in Sussex, the road would have been uneven and winding like a small stream, but here, the white French road dropped straight down in front of them like a waterfall. The cart rattled down this steep incline at a sharp angle, and within minutes, as the road became even steeper, they spotted the little harbor of Lancy and a vast blue curve of the sea below them. The cloud of their enemies had completely vanished from the horizon.
The horse and cart took a sharp turn round a clump of elms, and the horse’s nose nearly struck the face of an old gentleman who was sitting on the benches outside the little café of “Le Soleil d’Or.” The peasant grunted an apology, and got down from his seat. The others also descended one by one, and spoke to the old gentleman with fragmentary phrases of courtesy, for it was quite evident from his expansive manner that he was the owner of the little tavern.
The horse and cart made a quick turn around a group of elm trees, and the horse's nose almost hit the face of an old man sitting on the benches outside the small café called “Le Soleil d’Or.” The farmer grunted an apology and got off his seat. The others also got down one by one and spoke to the old man with bits of polite conversation, as it was clear from his friendly demeanor that he was the owner of the little tavern.
He was a white-haired, apple-faced old boy, with sleepy eyes and a grey moustache; stout, sedentary, and very innocent, of a type that may often be found in France, but is still commoner in Catholic Germany. Everything about him, his pipe, his pot of beer, his flowers, and his beehive, suggested an ancestral peace; only when his visitors looked up as they entered the inn-parlour, they saw the sword upon the wall.
He was an old man with white hair and a round face, sporting sleepy eyes and a gray mustache; he was plump, laid back, and quite innocent, resembling a type often seen in France, but more commonly found in Catholic Germany. Everything around him—his pipe, his beer mug, his flowers, and his beehive—suggested a sense of inherited tranquility; but when visitors looked up as they entered the inn's parlor, they noticed the sword hanging on the wall.
The Colonel, who greeted the innkeeper as an old friend, passed rapidly into the inn-parlour, and sat down ordering some ritual refreshment. The military decision of his action interested Syme, who sat next to him, and he took the opportunity when the old innkeeper had gone out of satisfying his curiosity.
The Colonel, who greeted the innkeeper like an old friend, quickly entered the inn's lounge and sat down, asking for some traditional refreshments. The military aspect of his actions intrigued Syme, who was sitting next to him, so he took the chance to satisfy his curiosity when the old innkeeper stepped outside.
“May I ask you, Colonel,” he said in a low voice, “why we have come here?”
“Can I ask you, Colonel,” he said softly, “why we came here?”
Colonel Ducroix smiled behind his bristly white moustache.
Colonel Ducroix smiled behind his scruffy white mustache.
“For two reasons, sir,” he said; “and I will give first, not the most important, but the most utilitarian. We came here because this is the only place within twenty miles in which we can get horses.”
“For two reasons, sir,” he said; “and I’ll share the first one, which isn't the most important, but it's the most practical. We came here because this is the only place within twenty miles where we can get horses.”
“Horses!” repeated Syme, looking up quickly.
“Horses!” Syme said again, glancing up quickly.
“Yes,” replied the other; “if you people are really to distance your enemies it is horses or nothing for you, unless of course you have bicycles and motor-cars in your pocket.”
“Yes,” replied the other; “if you guys really want to outrun your enemies, it’s horses or nothing for you, unless, of course, you have bicycles and cars in your pocket.”
“And where do you advise us to make for?” asked Syme doubtfully.
“And where do you suggest we go?” asked Syme uncertainly.
“Beyond question,” replied the Colonel, “you had better make all haste to the police station beyond the town. My friend, whom I seconded under somewhat deceptive circumstances, seems to me to exaggerate very much the possibilities of a general rising; but even he would hardly maintain, I suppose, that you were not safe with the gendarmes.”
“Without a doubt,” replied the Colonel, “you should hurry to the police station outside the town. My friend, whom I supported under somewhat misleading circumstances, seems to really exaggerate the chances of a general uprising; but even he wouldn't argue, I assume, that you wouldn’t be safe with the police.”
Syme nodded gravely; then he said abruptly—
Syme nodded seriously; then he said suddenly—
“And your other reason for coming here?”
“And what’s your other reason for being here?”
“My other reason for coming here,” said Ducroix soberly, “is that it is just as well to see a good man or two when one is possibly near to death.”
“My other reason for coming here,” said Ducroix seriously, “is that it’s good to see a decent person or two when you might be facing death.”
Syme looked up at the wall, and saw a crudely-painted and pathetic religious picture. Then he said—
Syme looked up at the wall and saw a poorly painted and sad religious image. Then he said—
“You are right,” and then almost immediately afterwards, “Has anyone seen about the horses?”
“You're right,” and then almost right after, “Has anyone checked on the horses?”
“Yes,” answered Ducroix, “you may be quite certain that I gave orders the moment I came in. Those enemies of yours gave no impression of hurry, but they were really moving wonderfully fast, like a well-trained army. I had no idea that the anarchists had so much discipline. You have not a moment to waste.”
“Yes,” replied Ducroix, “you can be sure that I gave orders as soon as I arrived. Those enemies of yours didn’t seem rushed, but they were actually moving incredibly fast, like a well-trained army. I didn’t realize the anarchists had this much discipline. You don’t have a moment to lose.”
Almost as he spoke, the old innkeeper with the blue eyes and white hair came ambling into the room, and announced that six horses were saddled outside.
Almost as he spoke, the old innkeeper with blue eyes and white hair walked into the room and announced that six horses were saddled outside.
By Ducroix’s advice the five others equipped themselves with some portable form of food and wine, and keeping their duelling swords as the only weapons available, they clattered away down the steep, white road. The two servants, who had carried the Marquis’s luggage when he was a marquis, were left behind to drink at the café by common consent, and not at all against their own inclination.
By Ducroix’s suggestion, the other five prepared some portable food and wine, and with their dueling swords as their only weapons, they clattered down the steep, white road. The two servants, who had previously carried the Marquis’s luggage when he was a marquis, were left behind to drink at the café by mutual agreement, and it was certainly in line with their own preferences.
By this time the afternoon sun was slanting westward, and by its rays Syme could see the sturdy figure of the old innkeeper growing smaller and smaller, but still standing and looking after them quite silently, the sunshine in his silver hair. Syme had a fixed, superstitious fancy, left in his mind by the chance phrase of the Colonel, that this was indeed, perhaps, the last honest stranger whom he should ever see upon the earth.
By this time, the afternoon sun was shining in from the west, and through its rays, Syme could see the sturdy figure of the old innkeeper getting smaller and smaller, but still standing there quietly, with the sunlight reflecting off his silver hair. Syme had a persistent, almost superstitious thought, planted in his mind by the Colonel's casual remark, that this might indeed be the last genuinely honest stranger he would ever encounter on earth.
He was still looking at this dwindling figure, which stood as a mere grey blot touched with a white flame against the great green wall of the steep down behind him. And as he stared over the top of the down behind the innkeeper, there appeared an army of black-clad and marching men. They seemed to hang above the good man and his house like a black cloud of locusts. The horses had been saddled none too soon.
He was still watching this shrinking figure, which appeared as just a gray spot accented by a white flame against the vast green slope behind him. And as he glanced over the top of the hill behind the innkeeper, an army of men dressed in black appeared, marching in formation. They loomed over the kind man and his home like a dark cloud of locusts. The horses had been saddled just in time.
CHAPTER XII.
THE EARTH IN ANARCHY
Urging the horses to a gallop, without respect to the rather rugged descent of the road, the horsemen soon regained their advantage over the men on the march, and at last the bulk of the first buildings of Lancy cut off the sight of their pursuers. Nevertheless, the ride had been a long one, and by the time they reached the real town the west was warming with the colour and quality of sunset. The Colonel suggested that, before making finally for the police station, they should make the effort, in passing, to attach to themselves one more individual who might be useful.
Urging the horses to gallop, ignoring the rough descent of the road, the riders quickly pulled ahead of the marching men, and soon the first buildings of Lancy blocked the view of their pursuers. Still, the ride had been long, and by the time they reached the actual town, the western sky was glowing with the colors of sunset. The Colonel suggested that before heading to the police station, they should make an effort to pick up one more person who might be useful.
“Four out of the five rich men in this town,” he said, “are common swindlers. I suppose the proportion is pretty equal all over the world. The fifth is a friend of mine, and a very fine fellow; and what is even more important from our point of view, he owns a motor-car.”
“Four out of the five wealthy men in this town,” he said, “are just common con artists. I guess the ratio is pretty similar everywhere. The fifth is a friend of mine, and a really great guy; and what's even more important for us, he owns a car.”
“I am afraid,” said the Professor in his mirthful way, looking back along the white road on which the black, crawling patch might appear at any moment, “I am afraid we have hardly time for afternoon calls.”
“I’m afraid,” said the Professor with a playful tone, glancing back down the white road where the dark, creeping spot could show up at any moment, “I’m afraid we barely have time for afternoon visits.”
“Doctor Renard’s house is only three minutes off,” said the Colonel.
“Doctor Renard’s house is just three minutes away,” said the Colonel.
“Our danger,” said Dr. Bull, “is not two minutes off.”
“Our danger,” Dr. Bull said, “is only two minutes away.”
“Yes,” said Syme, “if we ride on fast we must leave them behind, for they are on foot.”
“Yes,” said Syme, “if we ride quickly, we have to leave them behind since they’re on foot.”
“He has a motor-car,” said the Colonel.
“He has a car,” said the Colonel.
“But we may not get it,” said Bull.
“But we might not get it,” Bull said.
“Yes, he is quite on your side.”
“Yeah, he’s definitely on your side.”
“But he might be out.”
"But he could be gone."
“Hold your tongue,” said Syme suddenly. “What is that noise?”
“Shut up,” Syme said suddenly. “What’s that noise?”
For a second they all sat as still as equestrian statues, and for a second—for two or three or four seconds—heaven and earth seemed equally still. Then all their ears, in an agony of attention, heard along the road that indescribable thrill and throb that means only one thing—horses!
For a moment, they all sat as still as statues, and for a moment—two, three, or four moments—everything felt perfectly still. Then, in a tense silence, they all heard that unmistakable thrill and vibration along the road that can only mean one thing—horses!
The Colonel’s face had an instantaneous change, as if lightning had struck it, and yet left it scatheless.
The Colonel’s face changed in an instant, as if lightning had hit it but left it unharmed.
“They have done us,” he said, with brief military irony. “Prepare to receive cavalry!”
“They’ve got us,” he said, with a touch of military sarcasm. “Get ready for the cavalry!”
“Where can they have got the horses?” asked Syme, as he mechanically urged his steed to a canter.
“Where could they have gotten the horses?” asked Syme, as he automatically urged his horse to a canter.
The Colonel was silent for a little, then he said in a strained voice—
The Colonel was quiet for a moment, then he spoke in a tense voice—
“I was speaking with strict accuracy when I said that the ‘Soleil d’Or’ was the only place where one can get horses within twenty miles.”
“I was being completely accurate when I said that the ‘Soleil d’Or’ is the only place to get horses within twenty miles.”
“No!” said Syme violently, “I don’t believe he’d do it. Not with all that white hair.”
“No!” Syme exclaimed angrily, “I don’t think he’d do it. Not with all that white hair.”
“He may have been forced,” said the Colonel gently. “They must be at least a hundred strong, for which reason we are all going to see my friend Renard, who has a motor-car.”
“He might have been compelled,” the Colonel said softly. “There must be at least a hundred of them, which is why we're all going to visit my friend Renard, who has a car.”
With these words he swung his horse suddenly round a street corner, and went down the street with such thundering speed, that the others, though already well at the gallop, had difficulty in following the flying tail of his horse.
With that, he quickly turned his horse around a street corner and raced down the street with such blinding speed that the others, even though they were already galloping, struggled to keep up with the flying tail of his horse.
Dr. Renard inhabited a high and comfortable house at the top of a steep street, so that when the riders alighted at his door they could once more see the solid green ridge of the hill, with the white road across it, standing up above all the roofs of the town. They breathed again to see that the road as yet was clear, and they rang the bell.
Dr. Renard lived in a spacious and cozy house at the top of a steep street, so when the riders got off their horses at his door, they could see the strong green ridge of the hill again, with the white road stretching across it, rising above all the rooftops of the town. They felt relieved to see that the road was still clear, and they rang the bell.
Dr. Renard was a beaming, brown-bearded man, a good example of that silent but very busy professional class which France has preserved even more perfectly than England. When the matter was explained to him he pooh-poohed the panic of the ex-Marquis altogether; he said, with the solid French scepticism, that there was no conceivable probability of a general anarchist rising. “Anarchy,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, “it is childishness!”
Dr. Renard was a cheerful man with a brown beard, a great example of that quiet but very active professional class that France has maintained even better than England. When the situation was explained to him, he dismissed the ex-Marquis's panic completely; he said, with a typical French skepticism, that there was no real chance of a widespread anarchist uprising. “Anarchy,” he said, shrugging his shoulders, “it's just childish!”
“Et ça,” cried out the Colonel suddenly, pointing over the other’s shoulder, “and that is childishness, isn’t it?”
“And that,” yelled the Colonel suddenly, pointing over the other’s shoulder, “and that is being childish, isn’t it?”
They all looked round, and saw a curve of black cavalry come sweeping over the top of the hill with all the energy of Attila. Swiftly as they rode, however, the whole rank still kept well together, and they could see the black vizards of the first line as level as a line of uniforms. But although the main black square was the same, though travelling faster, there was now one sensational difference which they could see clearly upon the slope of the hill, as if upon a slanted map. The bulk of the riders were in one block; but one rider flew far ahead of the column, and with frantic movements of hand and heel urged his horse faster and faster, so that one might have fancied that he was not the pursuer but the pursued. But even at that great distance they could see something so fanatical, so unquestionable in his figure, that they knew it was the Secretary himself. “I am sorry to cut short a cultured discussion,” said the Colonel, “but can you lend me your motor-car now, in two minutes?”
They all looked around and saw a group of black cavalry sweeping over the top of the hill with all the energy of Attila. Even as they rode quickly, the whole line stayed neatly aligned, and they could see the black visors of the front line as straight as a row of uniforms. But while the main black formation was the same, although moving faster, there was now one striking difference they could clearly see on the slope of the hill, almost like a slanted map. Most of the riders were in one block, but one rider sped far ahead of the group, using wild hand gestures and kicking his horse to go faster and faster, making it seem like he was the one being chased rather than the one chasing. But even from that great distance, they could see something so intense and unmistakable about his figure that they knew it was the Secretary himself. “I’m sorry to interrupt an intellectual discussion,” said the Colonel, “but can you lend me your car right now, in two minutes?”
“I have a suspicion that you are all mad,” said Dr. Renard, smiling sociably; “but God forbid that madness should in any way interrupt friendship. Let us go round to the garage.”
“I suspect that you’re all insane,” said Dr. Renard, smiling friendly; “but God forbid that craziness should in any way disrupt friendship. Let’s head over to the garage.”
Dr. Renard was a mild man with monstrous wealth; his rooms were like the Musée de Cluny, and he had three motor-cars. These, however, he seemed to use very sparingly, having the simple tastes of the French middle class, and when his impatient friends came to examine them, it took them some time to assure themselves that one of them even could be made to work. This with some difficulty they brought round into the street before the Doctor’s house. When they came out of the dim garage they were startled to find that twilight had already fallen with the abruptness of night in the tropics. Either they had been longer in the place than they imagined, or some unusual canopy of cloud had gathered over the town. They looked down the steep streets, and seemed to see a slight mist coming up from the sea.
Dr. Renard was a quiet man with a lot of money; his rooms resembled the Musée de Cluny, and he owned three cars. However, he used them very rarely, having the simple tastes of the French middle class. When his eager friends came to check them out, it took them a while to convince themselves that one of the cars could even start. With some effort, they managed to bring it out onto the street in front of the Doctor’s house. As they stepped out of the dark garage, they were surprised to see that twilight had abruptly descended, like nightfall in the tropics. Either they had spent more time inside than they thought, or an unusual bank of clouds had gathered over the town. They gazed down the steep streets and seemed to notice a slight mist rising from the sea.
“It is now or never,” said Dr. Bull. “I hear horses.”
“It’s now or never,” said Dr. Bull. “I hear horses.”
“No,” corrected the Professor, “a horse.”
“No,” the Professor corrected, “a horse.”
And as they listened, it was evident that the noise, rapidly coming nearer on the rattling stones, was not the noise of the whole cavalcade but that of the one horseman, who had left it far behind—the insane Secretary.
And as they listened, it was clear that the noise, quickly approaching on the rattling stones, wasn't from the entire group but from the one horseman, who had left them far behind—the crazy Secretary.
Syme’s family, like most of those who end in the simple life, had once owned a motor, and he knew all about them. He had leapt at once into the chauffeur’s seat, and with flushed face was wrenching and tugging at the disused machinery. He bent his strength upon one handle, and then said quite quietly—
Syme’s family, like many who live a simple life, had once owned a car, and he knew all about them. He immediately jumped into the driver’s seat, and with a flushed face, he was pulling and tugging at the old machinery. He focused all his strength on one handle, and then said quite calmly—
“I am afraid it’s no go.”
“I’m afraid it’s not going to work.”
As he spoke, there swept round the corner a man rigid on his rushing horse, with the rush and rigidity of an arrow. He had a smile that thrust out his chin as if it were dislocated. He swept alongside of the stationary car, into which its company had crowded, and laid his hand on the front. It was the Secretary, and his mouth went quite straight in the solemnity of triumph.
As he spoke, a man came speeding around the corner on his fast horse, moving like an arrow. He had a smile that pushed out his chin, almost like it was forced. He flew past the parked car, which was crowded with its passengers, and placed his hand on the front. It was the Secretary, and his mouth was set straight with the seriousness of triumph.
Syme was leaning hard upon the steering wheel, and there was no sound but the rumble of the other pursuers riding into the town. Then there came quite suddenly a scream of scraping iron, and the car leapt forward. It plucked the Secretary clean out of his saddle, as a knife is whipped out of its sheath, trailed him kicking terribly for twenty yards, and left him flung flat upon the road far in front of his frightened horse. As the car took the corner of the street with a splendid curve, they could just see the other anarchists filling the street and raising their fallen leader.
Syme was gripping the steering wheel tightly, and the only sound was the rumble of the other pursuers heading into town. Suddenly, there was a horrific screech of metal scraping, and the car shot forward. It yanked the Secretary right out of his saddle, like a knife being pulled from its sheath, dragged him along kicking for about twenty yards, and then left him sprawled on the road well in front of his terrified horse. As the car took the corner of the street in a smooth arc, they could just see the other anarchists crowding the street and lifting their fallen leader.
“I can’t understand why it has grown so dark,” said the Professor at last in a low voice.
“I can’t understand why it’s gotten so dark,” said the Professor finally in a soft voice.
“Going to be a storm, I think,” said Dr. Bull. “I say, it’s a pity we haven’t got a light on this car, if only to see by.”
“Looks like a storm is coming,” said Dr. Bull. “I mean, it’s a shame we don’t have a light on this car, just to see.”
“We have,” said the Colonel, and from the floor of the car he fished up a heavy, old-fashioned, carved iron lantern with a light inside it. It was obviously an antique, and it would seem as if its original use had been in some way semi-religious, for there was a rude moulding of a cross upon one of its sides.
“We have,” said the Colonel, and from the floor of the car, he pulled out a heavy, old-fashioned, carved iron lantern with a light inside it. It was clearly an antique, and it seemed like its original purpose had been somewhat semi-religious, as there was a rough carving of a cross on one of its sides.
“Where on earth did you get that?” asked the Professor.
“Where on earth did you get that?” asked the Professor.
“I got it where I got the car,” answered the Colonel, chuckling, “from my best friend. While our friend here was fighting with the steering wheel, I ran up the front steps of the house and spoke to Renard, who was standing in his own porch, you will remember. ‘I suppose,’ I said, ‘there’s no time to get a lamp.’ He looked up, blinking amiably at the beautiful arched ceiling of his own front hall. From this was suspended, by chains of exquisite ironwork, this lantern, one of the hundred treasures of his treasure house. By sheer force he tore the lamp out of his own ceiling, shattering the painted panels, and bringing down two blue vases with his violence. Then he handed me the iron lantern, and I put it in the car. Was I not right when I said that Dr. Renard was worth knowing?”
“I got it where I got the car,” the Colonel replied, laughing. “From my best friend. While our friend here was struggling with the steering wheel, I rushed up the front steps of the house and talked to Renard, who was standing on his porch, as you remember. ‘I guess,’ I said, ‘there’s no time to get a lamp.’ He looked up, blinking kindly at the beautiful arched ceiling of his own front hall. Hanging from it, by chains of exquisite ironwork, was this lantern, one of the many treasures in his collection. With sheer force, he yanked the lamp out of his own ceiling, shattering the painted panels and knocking down two blue vases in the process. Then he handed me the iron lantern, and I placed it in the car. Was I wrong when I said that Dr. Renard was worth knowing?”
“You were,” said Syme seriously, and hung the heavy lantern over the front. There was a certain allegory of their whole position in the contrast between the modern automobile and its strange ecclesiastical lamp. Hitherto they had passed through the quietest part of the town, meeting at most one or two pedestrians, who could give them no hint of the peace or the hostility of the place. Now, however, the windows in the houses began one by one to be lit up, giving a greater sense of habitation and humanity. Dr. Bull turned to the new detective who had led their flight, and permitted himself one of his natural and friendly smiles.
“You were,” Syme said seriously, hanging the heavy lantern over the front. There was a certain allegory of their entire situation in the contrast between the modern car and its strange, old-fashioned lamp. Until now, they had passed through the quietest part of the town, encountering at most one or two pedestrians, who offered no clues about the peace or hostility of the area. However, the windows in the houses began to light up one by one, creating a stronger sense of habitation and humanity. Dr. Bull turned to the new detective who had led their escape and allowed himself one of his natural, friendly smiles.
“These lights make one feel more cheerful.”
“These lights make you feel happier.”
Inspector Ratcliffe drew his brows together.
Inspector Ratcliffe frowned.
“There is only one set of lights that make me more cheerful,” he said, “and they are those lights of the police station which I can see beyond the town. Please God we may be there in ten minutes.”
“There’s only one set of lights that makes me happier,” he said, “and those are the lights from the police station that I can see beyond the town. Please God, let us get there in ten minutes.”
Then all Bull’s boiling good sense and optimism broke suddenly out of him.
Then all of Bull's boiling common sense and optimism suddenly burst out of him.
“Oh, this is all raving nonsense!” he cried. “If you really think that ordinary people in ordinary houses are anarchists, you must be madder than an anarchist yourself. If we turned and fought these fellows, the whole town would fight for us.”
“Oh, this is all crazy nonsense!” he shouted. “If you actually believe that regular people in regular homes are anarchists, you must be crazier than an anarchist yourself. If we stood up and fought these guys, the entire town would back us up.”
“No,” said the other with an immovable simplicity, “the whole town would fight for them. We shall see.”
“No,” said the other with a straightforward firmness, “the whole town would stand up for them. We’ll see.”
While they were speaking the Professor had leant forward with sudden excitement.
While they were talking, the Professor leaned forward with sudden excitement.
“What is that noise?” he said.
“What’s that sound?” he said.
“Oh, the horses behind us, I suppose,” said the Colonel. “I thought we had got clear of them.”
“Oh, the horses behind us, I guess,” said the Colonel. “I thought we’d gotten away from them.”
“The horses behind us! No,” said the Professor, “it is not horses, and it is not behind us.”
“The horses are not behind us!” said the Professor. “No, it’s not horses, and it’s not coming from behind us.”
Almost as he spoke, across the end of the street before them two shining and rattling shapes shot past. They were gone almost in a flash, but everyone could see that they were motor-cars, and the Professor stood up with a pale face and swore that they were the other two motor-cars from Dr. Renard’s garage.
Almost as he spoke, two shiny and rattling cars zipped past at the end of the street. They were gone in an instant, but everyone could see they were cars, and the Professor stood up with a pale face and swore they were the other two cars from Dr. Renard’s garage.
“I tell you they were his,” he repeated, with wild eyes, “and they were full of men in masks!”
“I’m telling you, they were his,” he repeated, with wild eyes, “and there were guys in masks everywhere!”
“Absurd!” said the Colonel angrily. “Dr. Renard would never give them his cars.”
“That's ridiculous!” the Colonel said angrily. “Dr. Renard would never give them his cars.”
“He may have been forced,” said Ratcliffe quietly. “The whole town is on their side.”
“He might have been pressured,” Ratcliffe said softly. “The entire town is backing them.”
“You still believe that,” asked the Colonel incredulously.
“You still believe that?” the Colonel asked, incredulous.
“You will all believe it soon,” said the other with a hopeless calm.
"You'll all believe it soon," the other said with a resigned calm.
There was a puzzled pause for some little time, and then the Colonel began again abruptly—
There was a confused pause for a little while, and then the Colonel suddenly started again—
“No, I can’t believe it. The thing is nonsense. The plain people of a peaceable French town—”
“No, I can’t believe it. This is ridiculous. The ordinary people of a peaceful French town—”
He was cut short by a bang and a blaze of light, which seemed close to his eyes. As the car sped on it left a floating patch of white smoke behind it, and Syme had heard a shot shriek past his ear.
He was interrupted by a loud noise and a flash of light that felt close to his eyes. As the car raced away, it left a drifting cloud of white smoke behind it, and Syme heard a shot whizz past his ear.
“My God!” said the Colonel, “someone has shot at us.”
“My God!” said the Colonel, “someone just shot at us.”
“It need not interrupt conversation,” said the gloomy Ratcliffe. “Pray resume your remarks, Colonel. You were talking, I think, about the plain people of a peaceable French town.”
“It doesn't have to interrupt the conversation,” said the gloomy Ratcliffe. “Please continue, Colonel. You were talking, I believe, about the ordinary people of a peaceful French town.”
The staring Colonel was long past minding satire. He rolled his eyes all round the street.
The staring Colonel was long past caring about satire. He rolled his eyes around the street.
“It is extraordinary,” he said, “most extraordinary.”
“It’s incredible,” he said, “really incredible.”
“A fastidious person,” said Syme, “might even call it unpleasant. However, I suppose those lights out in the field beyond this street are the Gendarmerie. We shall soon get there.”
“A picky person,” said Syme, “might even say it’s unpleasant. But I guess those lights out in the field beyond this street are the Gendarmerie. We’ll be there soon.”
“No,” said Inspector Ratcliffe, “we shall never get there.”
“No,” said Inspector Ratcliffe, “we're never going to make it there.”
He had been standing up and looking keenly ahead of him. Now he sat down and smoothed his sleek hair with a weary gesture.
He had been standing and looking intently ahead. Now he sat down and ran his hand through his smooth hair with a tired motion.
“What do you mean?” asked Bull sharply.
“What do you mean?” Bull asked sharply.
“I mean that we shall never get there,” said the pessimist placidly. “They have two rows of armed men across the road already; I can see them from here. The town is in arms, as I said it was. I can only wallow in the exquisite comfort of my own exactitude.”
"I mean that we’re never going to get there," said the pessimist calmly. "They already have two lines of armed men blocking the road; I can see them from here. The town is ready for battle, just like I said it would be. I can only revel in the perfect accuracy of my prediction."
And Ratcliffe sat down comfortably in the car and lit a cigarette, but the others rose excitedly and stared down the road. Syme had slowed down the car as their plans became doubtful, and he brought it finally to a standstill just at the corner of a side street that ran down very steeply to the sea.
And Ratcliffe settled into the car and lit a cigarette, while the others jumped up excitedly and looked down the road. Syme had slowed the car when their plans started to seem uncertain and eventually came to a stop right at the corner of a side street that dropped steeply down to the sea.
The town was mostly in shadow, but the sun had not sunk; wherever its level light could break through, it painted everything a burning gold. Up this side street the last sunset light shone as sharp and narrow as the shaft of artificial light at the theatre. It struck the car of the five friends, and lit it like a burning chariot. But the rest of the street, especially the two ends of it, was in the deepest twilight, and for some seconds they could see nothing. Then Syme, whose eyes were the keenest, broke into a little bitter whistle, and said,
The town was mostly in shadow, but the sun hadn’t set yet; wherever its light managed to break through, it painted everything in a fiery gold. Up this side street, the last rays of sunset shone sharp and narrow like a beam of light from the theater. It hit the car of the five friends, making it look like a blazing chariot. But the rest of the street, especially at both ends, was in deep twilight, and for a few seconds they couldn’t see anything. Then Syme, whose eyes were the sharpest, let out a bitter whistle and said,
“It is quite true. There is a crowd or an army or some such thing across the end of that street.”
“It’s true. There’s a crowd or maybe an army or something like that at the end of that street.”
“Well, if there is,” said Bull impatiently, “it must be something else—a sham fight or the mayor’s birthday or something. I cannot and will not believe that plain, jolly people in a place like this walk about with dynamite in their pockets. Get on a bit, Syme, and let us look at them.”
“Well, if there is,” Bull said impatiently, “it must be something else—a fake fight or the mayor’s birthday or something. I can’t and won’t believe that ordinary, cheerful people in a place like this walk around with dynamite in their pockets. Hurry up, Syme, and let’s check them out.”
The car crawled about a hundred yards farther, and then they were all startled by Dr. Bull breaking into a high crow of laughter.
The car slowly moved about a hundred yards further, and then everyone was surprised when Dr. Bull suddenly burst into a loud laugh.
“Why, you silly mugs!” he cried, “what did I tell you. That crowd’s as law-abiding as a cow, and if it weren’t, it’s on our side.”
“Why, you silly people!” he shouted, “what did I tell you? That crowd is as law-abiding as a cow, and even if it weren’t, it’s on our side.”
“How do you know?” asked the professor, staring.
“How do you know?” the professor asked, staring.
“You blind bat,” cried Bull, “don’t you see who is leading them?”
“You blind bat,” shouted Bull, “can’t you see who’s leading them?”
They peered again, and then the Colonel, with a catch in his voice, cried out—
They looked again, and then the Colonel, with a hitch in his voice, shouted—
“Why, it’s Renard!”
“Wow, it's Renard!”
There was, indeed, a rank of dim figures running across the road, and they could not be clearly seen; but far enough in front to catch the accident of the evening light was stalking up and down the unmistakable Dr. Renard, in a white hat, stroking his long brown beard, and holding a revolver in his left hand.
There was, indeed, a line of shadowy figures moving across the road, and they couldn’t be clearly seen; but far enough ahead to catch the last light of the evening was the unmistakable Dr. Renard, wearing a white hat, stroking his long brown beard, and holding a revolver in his left hand.
“What a fool I’ve been!” exclaimed the Colonel. “Of course, the dear old boy has turned out to help us.”
“What a fool I’ve been!” the Colonel exclaimed. “Of course, the dear old guy has come to help us.”
Dr. Bull was bubbling over with laughter, swinging the sword in his hand as carelessly as a cane. He jumped out of the car and ran across the intervening space, calling out—
Dr. Bull was overflowing with laughter, swinging the sword in his hand as casually as if it were a cane. He jumped out of the car and raced across the distance, shouting—
“Dr. Renard! Dr. Renard!”
“Dr. Renard! Dr. Renard!”
An instant after Syme thought his own eyes had gone mad in his head. For the philanthropic Dr. Renard had deliberately raised his revolver and fired twice at Bull, so that the shots rang down the road.
An instant later, Syme thought his own eyes were going crazy. The philanthropic Dr. Renard had intentionally lifted his revolver and fired twice at Bull, causing the shots to echo down the road.
Almost at the same second as the puff of white cloud went up from this atrocious explosion a long puff of white cloud went up also from the cigarette of the cynical Ratcliffe. Like all the rest he turned a little pale, but he smiled. Dr. Bull, at whom the bullets had been fired, just missing his scalp, stood quite still in the middle of the road without a sign of fear, and then turned very slowly and crawled back to the car, and climbed in with two holes through his hat.
Almost at the same moment the puff of white smoke rose from that terrible explosion, a long puff of white smoke also came from the cigarette of the cynical Ratcliffe. Like everyone else, he turned a bit pale, but he smiled. Dr. Bull, who had been fired upon with bullets just missing his scalp, stood completely still in the middle of the road without showing any fear, then slowly turned and made his way back to the car, getting in with two holes in his hat.
“Well,” said the cigarette smoker slowly, “what do you think now?”
“Well,” said the cigarette smoker slowly, “what do you think now?”
“I think,” said Dr. Bull with precision, “that I am lying in bed at No. 217 Peabody Buildings, and that I shall soon wake up with a jump; or, if that’s not it, I think that I am sitting in a small cushioned cell in Hanwell, and that the doctor can’t make much of my case. But if you want to know what I don’t think, I’ll tell you. I don’t think what you think. I don’t think, and I never shall think, that the mass of ordinary men are a pack of dirty modern thinkers. No, sir, I’m a democrat, and I still don’t believe that Sunday could convert one average navvy or counter-jumper. No, I may be mad, but humanity isn’t.”
“I think,” Dr. Bull said precisely, “that I’m lying in bed at No. 217 Peabody Buildings, and that I’ll soon wake up with a start; or, if that’s not it, I think I’m sitting in a small cushioned cell in Hanwell, and that the doctor isn’t able to make much of my situation. But if you want to know what I don’t think, I’ll tell you. I don’t think what you think. I don’t think, and I never will think, that the majority of ordinary people are just a bunch of filthy modern thinkers. No, sir, I’m a democrat, and I still don’t believe that a Sunday could change one average worker or shop assistant. No, I may be crazy, but humanity isn’t.”
Syme turned his bright blue eyes on Bull with an earnestness which he did not commonly make clear.
Syme directed his bright blue eyes at Bull with a seriousness he usually didn't show.
“You are a very fine fellow,” he said. “You can believe in a sanity which is not merely your sanity. And you’re right enough about humanity, about peasants and people like that jolly old innkeeper. But you’re not right about Renard. I suspected him from the first. He’s rationalistic, and, what’s worse, he’s rich. When duty and religion are really destroyed, it will be by the rich.”
"You’re a really good guy," he said. "You can believe in a sanity that goes beyond just your own. And you’re spot on about humanity, about farmers and people like that cheerful old innkeeper. But you’re wrong about Renard. I had my doubts about him from the beginning. He’s all about logic, and, even worse, he’s wealthy. When duty and faith are truly undermined, it’ll be because of the rich."
“They are really destroyed now,” said the man with a cigarette, and rose with his hands in his pockets. “The devils are coming on!”
“They're really finished now,” said the man with a cigarette, standing up with his hands in his pockets. “The demons are coming!”
The men in the motor-car looked anxiously in the direction of his dreamy gaze, and they saw that the whole regiment at the end of the road was advancing upon them, Dr. Renard marching furiously in front, his beard flying in the breeze.
The men in the car looked nervously in the direction of his distant stare, and they saw that the entire regiment at the end of the road was approaching them, Dr. Renard marching fiercely at the front, his beard blowing in the wind.
The Colonel sprang out of the car with an intolerant exclamation.
The Colonel jumped out of the car with an annoyed exclamation.
“Gentlemen,” he cried, “the thing is incredible. It must be a practical joke. If you knew Renard as I do—it’s like calling Queen Victoria a dynamiter. If you had got the man’s character into your head—”
“Gentlemen,” he exclaimed, “this is unbelievable. It has to be a practical joke. If you knew Renard like I do—it’s like calling Queen Victoria a terrorist. If you really understood the man’s character—”
“Dr. Bull,” said Syme sardonically, “has at least got it into his hat.”
“Dr. Bull,” Syme said sarcastically, “has at least figured it out.”
“I tell you it can’t be!” cried the Colonel, stamping.
“I’m telling you, it can’t be!” shouted the Colonel, stamping his foot.
“Renard shall explain it. He shall explain it to me,” and he strode forward.
“Renard will explain it. He will explain it to me,” and he strode forward.
“Don’t be in such a hurry,” drawled the smoker. “He will very soon explain it to all of us.”
“Don’t rush,” the smoker said slowly. “He’ll explain it to all of us soon.”
But the impatient Colonel was already out of earshot, advancing towards the advancing enemy. The excited Dr. Renard lifted his pistol again, but perceiving his opponent, hesitated, and the Colonel came face to face with him with frantic gestures of remonstrance.
But the impatient Colonel was already out of earshot, moving toward the advancing enemy. The excited Dr. Renard raised his pistol again, but noticing his opponent, he hesitated, and the Colonel confronted him with frantic gestures urging him to stop.
“It is no good,” said Syme. “He will never get anything out of that old heathen. I vote we drive bang through the thick of them, bang as the bullets went through Bull’s hat. We may all be killed, but we must kill a tidy number of them.”
“It’s pointless,” said Syme. “He’ll never get anything from that old heathen. I say we charge right through the middle of them, just as the bullets went through Bull’s hat. We might all get killed, but we need to take out a good number of them.”
“I won’t ’ave it,” said Dr. Bull, growing more vulgar in the sincerity of his virtue. “The poor chaps may be making a mistake. Give the Colonel a chance.”
“I won’t have it,” said Dr. Bull, getting more blunt in the honesty of his beliefs. “The poor guys might be making a mistake. Give the Colonel a chance.”
“Shall we go back, then?” asked the Professor.
“Shall we head back, then?” asked the Professor.
“No,” said Ratcliffe in a cold voice, “the street behind us is held too. In fact, I seem to see there another friend of yours, Syme.”
“No,” Ratcliffe said in a cold voice, “the street behind us is secured as well. In fact, I think I see another friend of yours over there, Syme.”
Syme spun round smartly, and stared backwards at the track which they had travelled. He saw an irregular body of horsemen gathering and galloping towards them in the gloom. He saw above the foremost saddle the silver gleam of a sword, and then as it grew nearer the silver gleam of an old man’s hair. The next moment, with shattering violence, he had swung the motor round and sent it dashing down the steep side street to the sea, like a man that desired only to die.
Syme quickly turned around and looked back at the road they had taken. He noticed a chaotic group of horsemen gathering and riding toward them through the shadows. He caught sight of a silver gleam from a sword above the lead rider's saddle, and as they got closer, he saw the silver hair of an old man. In the next instant, with a jarring force, he turned the car around and sped down the steep side street toward the sea, like someone who just wanted to die.
“What the devil is up?” cried the Professor, seizing his arm.
“What on earth is going on?” shouted the Professor, grabbing his arm.
“The morning star has fallen!” said Syme, as his own car went down the darkness like a falling star.
“The morning star has fallen!” Syme exclaimed, as his car descended into the darkness like a shooting star.
The others did not understand his words, but when they looked back at the street above they saw the hostile cavalry coming round the corner and down the slopes after them; and foremost of all rode the good innkeeper, flushed with the fiery innocence of the evening light.
The others didn't get what he was saying, but when they looked up at the street, they saw the enemy cavalry coming around the corner and down the slopes after them; and leading the charge was the good innkeeper, flushed with the vibrant glow of the evening light.
“The world is insane!” said the Professor, and buried his face in his hands.
“The world is crazy!” said the Professor, and buried his face in his hands.
“No,” said Dr. Bull in adamantine humility, “it is I.”
“No,” said Dr. Bull with firm humility, “it’s me.”
“What are we going to do?” asked the Professor.
“What are we going to do?” the Professor asked.
“At this moment,” said Syme, with a scientific detachment, “I think we are going to smash into a lamppost.”
“At this moment,” said Syme, with a scientific detachment, “I think we are about to crash into a lamppost.”
The next instant the automobile had come with a catastrophic jar against an iron object. The instant after that four men had crawled out from under a chaos of metal, and a tall lean lamp-post that had stood up straight on the edge of the marine parade stood out, bent and twisted, like the branch of a broken tree.
The next moment, the car crashed violently into a metal object. Almost immediately, four men crawled out from a tangle of wreckage, and a tall, thin lamp post that had been standing upright on the edge of the waterfront promenade now appeared bent and twisted, like a broken tree branch.
“Well, we smashed something,” said the Professor, with a faint smile. “That’s some comfort.”
“Well, we broke something,” said the Professor, with a slight smile. “That’s a bit of comfort.”
“You’re becoming an anarchist,” said Syme, dusting his clothes with his instinct of daintiness.
“You're turning into an anarchist,” said Syme, brushing off his clothes with his instinct for cleanliness.
“Everyone is,” said Ratcliffe.
“Everyone is,” Ratcliffe said.
As they spoke, the white-haired horseman and his followers came thundering from above, and almost at the same moment a dark string of men ran shouting along the sea-front. Syme snatched a sword, and took it in his teeth; he stuck two others under his arm-pits, took a fourth in his left hand and the lantern in his right, and leapt off the high parade on to the beach below.
As they talked, the older horseman and his group charged down from above, and almost at the same moment, a dark line of men came running and shouting along the waterfront. Syme grabbed a sword and held it in his teeth; he tucked two more under his arms, took a fourth in his left hand and a lantern in his right, then jumped off the high promenade onto the beach below.
The others leapt after him, with a common acceptance of such decisive action, leaving the debris and the gathering mob above them.
The others jumped after him, all agreeing on the need for such decisive action, leaving the chaos and the crowd gathering above them.
“We have one more chance,” said Syme, taking the steel out of his mouth. “Whatever all this pandemonium means, I suppose the police station will help us. We can’t get there, for they hold the way. But there’s a pier or breakwater runs out into the sea just here, which we could defend longer than anything else, like Horatius and his bridge. We must defend it till the Gendarmerie turn out. Keep after me.”
“We have one more chance,” Syme said, pulling the steel out of his mouth. “Whatever all this chaos means, I guess the police station will help us. We can’t get there because they’re blocking the way. But there’s a pier that goes out into the sea right here, which we could hold out longer than anything else, like Horatius and his bridge. We have to defend it until the Gendarmerie shows up. Stick with me.”
They followed him as he went crunching down the beach, and in a second or two their boots broke not on the sea gravel, but on broad, flat stones. They marched down a long, low jetty, running out in one arm into the dim, boiling sea, and when they came to the end of it they felt that they had come to the end of their story. They turned and faced the town.
They followed him as he walked along the beach, and in a moment, their boots didn’t hit the sea gravel, but instead landed on wide, flat stones. They made their way down a long, low pier extending into the dark, churning sea, and when they reached the end, they sensed that they had reached the conclusion of their journey. They turned to face the town.
That town was transfigured with uproar. All along the high parade from which they had just descended was a dark and roaring stream of humanity, with tossing arms and fiery faces, groping and glaring towards them. The long dark line was dotted with torches and lanterns; but even where no flame lit up a furious face, they could see in the farthest figure, in the most shadowy gesture, an organised hate. It was clear that they were the accursed of all men, and they knew not why.
That town was transformed into chaos. All along the high street they had just come down from was a dark and roaring crowd, with waving arms and angry faces, reaching out and staring at them. The long dark line was punctuated by torches and lanterns; but even where no flame illuminated an angry face, they could see in the most distant figure, in the faintest gesture, a collective rage. It was obvious that they were hated by all, and they had no idea why.
Two or three men, looking little and black like monkeys, leapt over the edge as they had done and dropped on to the beach. These came ploughing down the deep sand, shouting horribly, and strove to wade into the sea at random. The example was followed, and the whole black mass of men began to run and drip over the edge like black treacle.
Two or three men, looking small and dark like monkeys, jumped over the edge like before and landed on the beach. They charged down the deep sand, shouting wildly, and tried to wade into the sea haphazardly. Others followed their lead, and the entire mass of men started to rush and spill over the edge like thick black syrup.
Foremost among the men on the beach Syme saw the peasant who had driven their cart. He splashed into the surf on a huge cart-horse, and shook his axe at them.
Foremost among the men on the beach, Syme saw the farmer who had driven their cart. He waded into the waves on a large draft horse and shook his axe at them.
“The peasant!” cried Syme. “They have not risen since the Middle Ages.”
“The peasant!” Syme shouted. “They haven’t changed since the Middle Ages.”
“Even if the police do come now,” said the Professor mournfully, “they can do nothing with this mob.”
“Even if the police show up now,” the Professor said sadly, “they won’t be able to do anything about this crowd.”
“Nonsense!” said Bull desperately; “there must be some people left in the town who are human.”
“Nonsense!” Bull said desperately. “There have to be some people left in the town who are human.”
“No,” said the hopeless Inspector, “the human being will soon be extinct. We are the last of mankind.”
“No,” said the hopeless Inspector, “humans will soon be extinct. We are the last of our kind.”
“It may be,” said the Professor absently. Then he added in his dreamy voice, “What is all that at the end of the ‘Dunciad’?
“It might be,” said the Professor absentmindedly. Then he added in his thoughtful voice, “What’s all that at the end of the ‘Dunciad’?
‘Nor public flame; nor private, dares to shine;
Nor human light is left, nor glimpse divine!
Lo! thy dread Empire, Chaos, is restored;
Light dies before thine uncreating word:
Thy hand, great Anarch, lets the curtain fall;
And universal darkness buries all.’”
‘Neither public flame nor private light dares to shine;
No human light remains, nor any divine glimpse!
Look! Your terrifying Empire, Chaos, is back;
Light fades before your uncreating word:
Your hand, great Anarch, lets the curtain drop;
And universal darkness covers everything.’”
“Stop!” cried Bull suddenly, “the gendarmes are out.”
“Stop!” shouted Bull suddenly, “the police are out.”
The low lights of the police station were indeed blotted and broken with hurrying figures, and they heard through the darkness the clash and jingle of a disciplined cavalry.
The dim lights of the police station were definitely filled with hurried people, and they could hear through the darkness the clash and jingle of organized cavalry.
“They are charging the mob!” cried Bull in ecstacy or alarm.
“They're charging the crowd!” Bull shouted, either in excitement or fear.
“No,” said Syme, “they are formed along the parade.”
“No,” Syme said, “they're lined up along the parade.”
“They have unslung their carbines,” cried Bull dancing with excitement.
“They've taken their rifles off their shoulders,” shouted Bull, dancing with excitement.
“Yes,” said Ratcliffe, “and they are going to fire on us.”
“Yes,” said Ratcliffe, “and they’re about to open fire on us.”
As he spoke there came a long crackle of musketry, and bullets seemed to hop like hailstones on the stones in front of them.
As he spoke, a loud crackle of gunfire erupted, and bullets appeared to bounce off the stones in front of them like hail.
“The gendarmes have joined them!” cried the Professor, and struck his forehead.
“The police have joined them!” yelled the Professor, hitting his forehead.
“I am in the padded cell,” said Bull solidly.
“I’m in the padded cell,” said Bull firmly.
There was a long silence, and then Ratcliffe said, looking out over the swollen sea, all a sort of grey purple—
There was a long silence, and then Ratcliffe said, looking out over the rough sea, all a sort of grayish purple—
“What does it matter who is mad or who is sane? We shall all be dead soon.”
“What does it matter who’s crazy or who’s sane? We’ll all be dead soon.”
Syme turned to him and said—
Syme turned to him and said—
“You are quite hopeless, then?”
"Are you really that hopeless?"
Mr. Ratcliffe kept a stony silence; then at last he said quietly—
Mr. Ratcliffe stayed completely silent; then finally he said quietly—
“No; oddly enough I am not quite hopeless. There is one insane little hope that I cannot get out of my mind. The power of this whole planet is against us, yet I cannot help wondering whether this one silly little hope is hopeless yet.”
“No; strangely enough, I’m not completely hopeless. There’s this crazy little hope that I can't shake off. The power of the entire planet is against us, yet I can’t help but wonder if this one tiny hope is really hopeless.”
“In what or whom is your hope?” asked Syme with curiosity.
“In what or who do you place your hope?” Syme asked, intrigued.
“In a man I never saw,” said the other, looking at the leaden sea.
“In a man I’ve never seen,” said the other, gazing at the heavy sea.
“I know what you mean,” said Syme in a low voice, “the man in the dark room. But Sunday must have killed him by now.”
“I know what you mean,” Syme said quietly, “the guy in the dark room. But Sunday must have taken him out by now.”
“Perhaps,” said the other steadily; “but if so, he was the only man whom Sunday found it hard to kill.”
“Maybe,” the other said calmly; “but if that's true, he was the only man who Sunday struggled to kill.”
“I heard what you said,” said the Professor, with his back turned. “I also am holding hard on to the thing I never saw.”
“I heard what you said,” the Professor replied, not facing them. “I’m also clinging tightly to the thing I’ve never seen.”
All of a sudden Syme, who was standing as if blind with introspective thought, swung round and cried out, like a man waking from sleep—
All of a sudden, Syme, who had been standing there lost in thought, suddenly turned around and shouted, like someone waking up from a deep sleep—
“Where is the Colonel? I thought he was with us!”
“Where's the Colonel? I thought he was with us!”
“The Colonel! Yes,” cried Bull, “where on earth is the Colonel?”
“The Colonel! Yes,” shouted Bull, “where on earth is the Colonel?”
“He went to speak to Renard,” said the Professor.
“He went to talk to Renard,” said the Professor.
“We cannot leave him among all those beasts,” cried Syme. “Let us die like gentlemen if—”
“We can't leave him with all those beasts,” Syme shouted. “Let's die like gentlemen if—”
“Do not pity the Colonel,” said Ratcliffe, with a pale sneer. “He is extremely comfortable. He is—”
“Don't feel sorry for the Colonel,” Ratcliffe said with a pale sneer. “He's very comfortable. He is—”
“No! no! no!” cried Syme in a kind of frenzy, “not the Colonel too! I will never believe it!”
“No! no! no!” Syme shouted in a kind of frenzy, “not the Colonel too! I won’t ever believe it!”
“Will you believe your eyes?” asked the other, and pointed to the beach.
“Will you believe your eyes?” the other person asked, pointing to the beach.
Many of their pursuers had waded into the water shaking their fists, but the sea was rough, and they could not reach the pier. Two or three figures, however, stood on the beginning of the stone footway, and seemed to be cautiously advancing down it. The glare of a chance lantern lit up the faces of the two foremost. One face wore a black half-mask, and under it the mouth was twisting about in such a madness of nerves that the black tuft of beard wriggled round and round like a restless, living thing. The other was the red face and white moustache of Colonel Ducroix. They were in earnest consultation.
Many of their pursuers had waded into the water, shaking their fists, but the sea was rough, and they couldn't reach the pier. However, two or three figures stood at the start of the stone walkway and seemed to be cautiously moving down it. The light from a nearby lantern illuminated the faces of the two in front. One face wore a black half-mask, and underneath, the mouth was twisting in a frenzy of nerves, causing the black beard to squirm around like a restless, living thing. The other was the red face and white mustache of Colonel Ducroix. They were in serious discussion.
“Yes, he is gone too,” said the Professor, and sat down on a stone. “Everything’s gone. I’m gone! I can’t trust my own bodily machinery. I feel as if my own hand might fly up and strike me.”
“Yes, he’s gone too,” said the Professor, and sat down on a stone. “Everything’s ended. I’m gone! I can’t even trust my own body. It feels like my own hand might suddenly lash out and hit me.”
“When my hand flies up,” said Syme, “it will strike somebody else,” and he strode along the pier towards the Colonel, the sword in one hand and the lantern in the other.
“When my hand goes up,” said Syme, “it will hit someone else,” and he walked along the pier towards the Colonel, the sword in one hand and the lantern in the other.
As if to destroy the last hope or doubt, the Colonel, who saw him coming, pointed his revolver at him and fired. The shot missed Syme, but struck his sword, breaking it short at the hilt. Syme rushed on, and swung the iron lantern above his head.
As if to eliminate any last hope or doubt, the Colonel, who saw him approaching, aimed his revolver at him and fired. The shot missed Syme but hit his sword, shattering it at the hilt. Syme charged forward and swung the iron lantern above his head.
“Judas before Herod!” he said, and struck the Colonel down upon the stones. Then he turned to the Secretary, whose frightful mouth was almost foaming now, and held the lamp high with so rigid and arresting a gesture, that the man was, as it were, frozen for a moment, and forced to hear.
“Judas before Herod!” he exclaimed, and knocked the Colonel down onto the stones. Then he faced the Secretary, whose terrifying mouth was nearly foaming now, and lifted the lamp high with such a stiff and gripping gesture that the man was momentarily frozen, compelled to listen.
“Do you see this lantern?” cried Syme in a terrible voice. “Do you see the cross carved on it, and the flame inside? You did not make it. You did not light it. Better men than you, men who could believe and obey, twisted the entrails of iron and preserved the legend of fire. There is not a street you walk on, there is not a thread you wear, that was not made as this lantern was, by denying your philosophy of dirt and rats. You can make nothing. You can only destroy. You will destroy mankind; you will destroy the world. Let that suffice you. Yet this one old Christian lantern you shall not destroy. It shall go where your empire of apes will never have the wit to find it.”
“Do you see this lantern?” Syme shouted in a fierce voice. “Do you see the cross carved on it and the flame inside? You didn’t make it. You didn’t light it. Better men than you, men who could believe and obey, shaped the iron and kept the legend of fire alive. There isn’t a street you walk on, there isn’t a thread you wear, that wasn’t created like this lantern, by rejecting your philosophy of dirt and rats. You create nothing. You only destroy. You will destroy humanity; you will destroy the world. Let that be enough for you. But this one old Christian lantern you will not destroy. It will go where your empire of apes will never be clever enough to find it.”
He struck the Secretary once with the lantern so that he staggered; and then, whirling it twice round his head, sent it flying far out to sea, where it flared like a roaring rocket and fell.
He hit the Secretary once with the lantern, causing him to stumble; then, swinging it twice around his head, he hurled it out into the sea, where it blazed like a roaring rocket before falling.
“Swords!” shouted Syme, turning his flaming face to the three behind him. “Let us charge these dogs, for our time has come to die.”
“Swords!” shouted Syme, turning his fiery face to the three behind him. “Let’s charge these bastards, because our time has come to die.”
His three companions came after him sword in hand. Syme’s sword was broken, but he rent a bludgeon from the fist of a fisherman, flinging him down. In a moment they would have flung themselves upon the face of the mob and perished, when an interruption came. The Secretary, ever since Syme’s speech, had stood with his hand to his stricken head as if dazed; now he suddenly pulled off his black mask.
His three companions came after him with swords drawn. Syme’s sword was broken, but he grabbed a club from a fisherman, knocking him down. In a moment, they would have rushed into the mob and met their doom, when something interrupted them. The Secretary, ever since Syme’s speech, had been standing with his hand on his injured head, looking dazed; now he suddenly took off his black mask.
The pale face thus peeled in the lamplight revealed not so much rage as astonishment. He put up his hand with an anxious authority.
The pale face illuminated by the lamp showed not so much anger as surprise. He raised his hand with a worried sort of authority.
“There is some mistake,” he said. “Mr. Syme, I hardly think you understand your position. I arrest you in the name of the law.”
"There’s been a mistake," he said. "Mr. Syme, I don’t think you fully grasp your situation. I’m arresting you in the name of the law."
“Of the law?” said Syme, and dropped his stick.
“About the law?” Syme said, dropping his stick.
“Certainly!” said the Secretary. “I am a detective from Scotland Yard,” and he took a small blue card from his pocket.
“Sure thing!” said the Secretary. “I’m a detective from Scotland Yard,” and he pulled a small blue card from his pocket.
“And what do you suppose we are?” asked the Professor, and threw up his arms.
“And what do you think we are?” asked the Professor, raising his arms.
“You,” said the Secretary stiffly, “are, as I know for a fact, members of the Supreme Anarchist Council. Disguised as one of you, I—”
“You,” the Secretary said stiffly, “are, as I know for sure, members of the Supreme Anarchist Council. Disguised as one of you, I—”
Dr. Bull tossed his sword into the sea.
Dr. Bull threw his sword into the ocean.
“There never was any Supreme Anarchist Council,” he said. “We were all a lot of silly policemen looking at each other. And all these nice people who have been peppering us with shot thought we were the dynamiters. I knew I couldn’t be wrong about the mob,” he said, beaming over the enormous multitude, which stretched away to the distance on both sides. “Vulgar people are never mad. I’m vulgar myself, and I know. I am now going on shore to stand a drink to everybody here.”
“There never was any Supreme Anarchist Council,” he said. “We were just a bunch of silly cops staring at each other. And all these nice people who have been shooting at us thought we were the ones causing the explosions. I knew I wasn’t wrong about the crowd,” he said, grinning at the huge mass of people that spread out in both directions. “Ordinary folks are never crazy. I’m ordinary myself, and I know. I’m about to head ashore to buy a drink for everyone here.”
CHAPTER XIII.
THE PURSUIT OF THE PRESIDENT
Next morning five bewildered but hilarious people took the boat for Dover. The poor old Colonel might have had some cause to complain, having been first forced to fight for two factions that didn’t exist, and then knocked down with an iron lantern. But he was a magnanimous old gentleman, and being much relieved that neither party had anything to do with dynamite, he saw them off on the pier with great geniality.
The next morning, five confused but funny people took the boat to Dover. The poor old Colonel might have had some reason to complain, having first been made to fight for two factions that didn’t exist and then knocked down by an iron lantern. But he was a generous old man, and feeling relieved that neither side had anything to do with dynamite, he waved them off at the pier with a smile.
The five reconciled detectives had a hundred details to explain to each other. The Secretary had to tell Syme how they had come to wear masks originally in order to approach the supposed enemy as fellow-conspirators.
The five reconciled detectives had a hundred details to share with each other. The Secretary needed to explain to Syme how they had originally started wearing masks to approach the supposed enemy as fellow conspirators.
Syme had to explain how they had fled with such swiftness through a civilised country. But above all these matters of detail which could be explained, rose the central mountain of the matter that they could not explain. What did it all mean? If they were all harmless officers, what was Sunday? If he had not seized the world, what on earth had he been up to? Inspector Ratcliffe was still gloomy about this.
Syme had to explain how they had escaped so quickly through a civilized country. But beyond all the details that could be clarified, there was a fundamental issue they couldn't address. What did it all mean? If they were all just harmless officers, what was Sunday? If he hadn't taken over the world, what on earth had he been doing? Inspector Ratcliffe was still feeling down about this.
“I can’t make head or tail of old Sunday’s little game any more than you can,” he said. “But whatever else Sunday is, he isn’t a blameless citizen. Damn it! do you remember his face?”
“I can’t figure out old Sunday’s little game any more than you can,” he said. “But no matter what else Sunday is, he isn’t an innocent citizen. Damn it! do you remember his face?”
“I grant you,” answered Syme, “that I have never been able to forget it.”
“I admit,” replied Syme, “that I’ve never been able to forget it.”
“Well,” said the Secretary, “I suppose we can find out soon, for tomorrow we have our next general meeting. You will excuse me,” he said, with a rather ghastly smile, “for being well acquainted with my secretarial duties.”
“Well,” said the Secretary, “I guess we’ll find out soon, since we have our next general meeting tomorrow. Please excuse me,” he said, with a somewhat unsettling smile, “for being quite familiar with my secretarial duties.”
“I suppose you are right,” said the Professor reflectively. “I suppose we might find it out from him; but I confess that I should feel a bit afraid of asking Sunday who he really is.”
“I guess you’re right,” the Professor said thoughtfully. “I suppose we could ask him; but I have to admit, I’d feel a little nervous about asking Sunday who he really is.”
“Why,” asked the Secretary, “for fear of bombs?”
“Why,” asked the Secretary, “because of the threat of bombs?”
“No,” said the Professor, “for fear he might tell me.”
“No,” said the Professor, “because I’m afraid he might tell me.”
“Let us have some drinks,” said Dr. Bull, after a silence.
“Let’s have some drinks,” said Dr. Bull, after a moment of silence.
Throughout their whole journey by boat and train they were highly convivial, but they instinctively kept together. Dr. Bull, who had always been the optimist of the party, endeavoured to persuade the other four that the whole company could take the same hansom cab from Victoria; but this was overruled, and they went in a four-wheeler, with Dr. Bull on the box, singing. They finished their journey at an hotel in Piccadilly Circus, so as to be close to the early breakfast next morning in Leicester Square. Yet even then the adventures of the day were not entirely over. Dr. Bull, discontented with the general proposal to go to bed, had strolled out of the hotel at about eleven to see and taste some of the beauties of London. Twenty minutes afterwards, however, he came back and made quite a clamour in the hall. Syme, who tried at first to soothe him, was forced at last to listen to his communication with quite new attention.
Throughout their entire journey by boat and train, they were very friendly, but they instinctively stayed together. Dr. Bull, who had always been the optimist of the group, tried to convince the others that they could all share a cab from Victoria, but this was rejected, and they took a larger cab instead, with Dr. Bull in the front, singing. They ended their journey at a hotel in Piccadilly Circus to be close to the early breakfast the next morning in Leicester Square. Yet even then, the day’s adventures weren’t completely finished. Dr. Bull, unhappy with the overall suggestion to go to bed, left the hotel around eleven to explore and enjoy some of London’s sights. However, twenty minutes later, he returned and made quite a scene in the lobby. Syme, who initially tried to calm him down, ultimately had to pay much closer attention to what he had to say.
“I tell you I’ve seen him!” said Dr. Bull, with thick emphasis.
“I’m telling you, I’ve seen him!” said Dr. Bull, with heavy emphasis.
“Whom?” asked Syme quickly. “Not the President?”
“Who?” asked Syme quickly. “Not the President?”
“Not so bad as that,” said Dr. Bull, with unnecessary laughter, “not so bad as that. I’ve got him here.”
“Not that bad,” Dr. Bull said, laughing a bit too much, “not that bad. I’ve got him here.”
“Got whom here?” asked Syme impatiently.
“Who are you talking about?” asked Syme impatiently.
“Hairy man,” said the other lucidly, “man that used to be hairy man—Gogol. Here he is,” and he pulled forward by a reluctant elbow the identical young man who five days before had marched out of the Council with thin red hair and a pale face, the first of all the sham anarchists who had been exposed.
“Hairy man,” said the other clearly, “the guy who used to be the hairy man—Gogol. Here he is,” and he pulled the same young man forward by a hesitant elbow. Just five days earlier, he had walked out of the Council with thin red hair and a pale face, the first of all the fake anarchists who had been uncovered.
“Why do you worry with me?” he cried. “You have expelled me as a spy.”
“Why are you worried about me?” he shouted. “You've kicked me out as a spy.”
“We are all spies!” whispered Syme.
“We're all spies!” Syme said quietly.
“We’re all spies!” shouted Dr. Bull. “Come and have a drink.”
“We're all spies!” shouted Dr. Bull. “Come grab a drink.”
Next morning the battalion of the reunited six marched stolidly towards the hotel in Leicester Square.
Next morning, the battalion of the reunited six marched steadily towards the hotel in Leicester Square.
“This is more cheerful,” said Dr. Bull; “we are six men going to ask one man what he means.”
“This is more cheerful,” said Dr. Bull; “we’re six guys going to ask one guy what he means.”
“I think it is a bit queerer than that,” said Syme. “I think it is six men going to ask one man what they mean.”
“I think it's a bit stranger than that,” said Syme. “I think it's six men going to ask one man what they mean.”
They turned in silence into the Square, and though the hotel was in the opposite corner, they saw at once the little balcony and a figure that looked too big for it. He was sitting alone with bent head, poring over a newspaper. But all his councillors, who had come to vote him down, crossed that Square as if they were watched out of heaven by a hundred eyes.
They walked quietly into the Square, and even though the hotel was in the opposite corner, they immediately spotted the small balcony and a figure that seemed too large for it. He was sitting alone with his head down, absorbed in a newspaper. Yet all his advisers, who had come to vote against him, crossed the Square as if they were being watched from above by a hundred eyes.
They had disputed much upon their policy, about whether they should leave the unmasked Gogol without and begin diplomatically, or whether they should bring him in and blow up the gunpowder at once. The influence of Syme and Bull prevailed for the latter course, though the Secretary to the last asked them why they attacked Sunday so rashly.
They had argued a lot about their strategy, debating whether to leave the unmasked Gogol outside and start diplomatically, or to bring him in and ignite the gunpowder right away. The sway of Syme and Bull won out for the latter approach, although the Secretary ultimately questioned why they were going after Sunday so recklessly.
“My reason is quite simple,” said Syme. “I attack him rashly because I am afraid of him.”
“My reason is pretty simple,” Syme said. “I go after him recklessly because I’m scared of him.”
They followed Syme up the dark stair in silence, and they all came out simultaneously into the broad sunlight of the morning and the broad sunlight of Sunday’s smile.
They followed Syme up the dark staircase quietly, and they all stepped out together into the bright morning sunlight and the warm smile of Sunday.
“Delightful!” he said. “So pleased to see you all. What an exquisite day it is. Is the Czar dead?”
“Wonderful!” he said. “I'm so happy to see all of you. What a beautiful day it is. Is the Czar dead?”
The Secretary, who happened to be foremost, drew himself together for a dignified outburst.
The Secretary, who was at the front, composed himself for a dignified outburst.
“No, sir,” he said sternly “there has been no massacre. I bring you news of no such disgusting spectacles.”
“No, sir,” he said firmly, “there has been no massacre. I bring you news of no such disgusting events.”
“Disgusting spectacles?” repeated the President, with a bright, inquiring smile. “You mean Dr. Bull’s spectacles?”
“Disgusting spectacles?” the President repeated with a bright, curious smile. “Are you talking about Dr. Bull’s spectacles?”
The Secretary choked for a moment, and the President went on with a sort of smooth appeal—
The Secretary paused for a moment, and the President continued with a kind of smooth charm—
“Of course, we all have our opinions and even our eyes, but really to call them disgusting before the man himself—”
“Of course, we all have our opinions and even our perspectives, but to actually call them disgusting in front of the man himself—”
Dr. Bull tore off his spectacles and broke them on the table.
Dr. Bull yanked off his glasses and smashed them on the table.
“My spectacles are blackguardly,” he said, “but I’m not. Look at my face.”
“My glasses are terrible,” he said, “but I’m not. Look at my face.”
“I dare say it’s the sort of face that grows on one,” said the President, “in fact, it grows on you; and who am I to quarrel with the wild fruits upon the Tree of Life? I dare say it will grow on me some day.”
“I would say it’s the kind of face that grows on you,” the President said, “in fact, it grows on you; and who am I to disagree with the wild fruits on the Tree of Life? I suppose it will grow on me someday.”
“We have no time for tomfoolery,” said the Secretary, breaking in savagely. “We have come to know what all this means. Who are you? What are you? Why did you get us all here? Do you know who and what we are? Are you a half-witted man playing the conspirator, or are you a clever man playing the fool? Answer me, I tell you.”
“We don’t have time for nonsense,” the Secretary interrupted sharply. “We need to understand what all of this means. Who are you? What are you? Why did you bring us all here? Do you know who we are? Are you a clueless person pretending to be a conspirator, or are you a smart person acting like a fool? Answer me, I said.”
“Candidates,” murmured Sunday, “are only required to answer eight out of the seventeen questions on the paper. As far as I can make out, you want me to tell you what I am, and what you are, and what this table is, and what this Council is, and what this world is for all I know. Well, I will go so far as to rend the veil of one mystery. If you want to know what you are, you are a set of highly well-intentioned young jackasses.”
“Candidates,” whispered Sunday, “only need to answer eight out of the seventeen questions on the test. As far as I can tell, you want me to explain what I am, what you are, what this table is, what this Council is, and what this world is, for all I know. Well, I'll go as far as to lift the veil on one mystery. If you want to know what you are, you're a group of well-meaning young idiots.”
“And you,” said Syme, leaning forward, “what are you?”
“And you,” Syme said, leaning forward, “what are you?”
“I? What am I?” roared the President, and he rose slowly to an incredible height, like some enormous wave about to arch above them and break. “You want to know what I am, do you? Bull, you are a man of science. Grub in the roots of those trees and find out the truth about them. Syme, you are a poet. Stare at those morning clouds. But I tell you this, that you will have found out the truth of the last tree and the top-most cloud before the truth about me. You will understand the sea, and I shall be still a riddle; you shall know what the stars are, and not know what I am. Since the beginning of the world all men have hunted me like a wolf—kings and sages, and poets and lawgivers, all the churches, and all the philosophies. But I have never been caught yet, and the skies will fall in the time I turn to bay. I have given them a good run for their money, and I will now.”
“I? What am I?” roared the President, rising slowly to an unbelievable height, like a massive wave ready to crash down on them. “You want to know what I am, do you? Bull, you’re a scientist. Dig into the roots of those trees and discover their truth. Syme, you’re a poet. Gaze at those morning clouds. But I’ll tell you this: you’ll uncover the truth about the last tree and the highest cloud before you figure out what I am. You’ll understand the sea, and I’ll still be a puzzle; you’ll know what the stars are, but won’t know what I am. Since the dawn of time, all men have pursued me like a wolf—kings and wise men, poets and lawmakers, all the churches and all the philosophies. But I’ve never been caught, and the heavens will collapse before I give in. I’ve led them on a good chase, and I will continue to do so.”
Before one of them could move, the monstrous man had swung himself like some huge ourang-outang over the balustrade of the balcony. Yet before he dropped he pulled himself up again as on a horizontal bar, and thrusting his great chin over the edge of the balcony, said solemnly—
Before either of them could react, the enormous man had swung himself over the balcony railing like a giant orangutan. But just before he dropped, he pulled himself up again like he was on a horizontal bar, and with his big chin hanging over the edge of the balcony, he said seriously—
“There’s one thing I’ll tell you though about who I am. I am the man in the dark room, who made you all policemen.”
“There’s one thing I’ll tell you about who I am. I’m the guy in the dark room who made you all policemen.”
With that he fell from the balcony, bouncing on the stones below like a great ball of india-rubber, and went bounding off towards the corner of the Alhambra, where he hailed a hansom-cab and sprang inside it. The six detectives had been standing thunderstruck and livid in the light of his last assertion; but when he disappeared into the cab, Syme’s practical senses returned to him, and leaping over the balcony so recklessly as almost to break his legs, he called another cab.
With that, he fell from the balcony, bouncing off the stones below like a giant rubber ball, and took off towards the corner of the Alhambra, where he hailed a cab and jumped inside. The six detectives had been frozen in shock, pale from his last comment; but when he vanished into the cab, Syme’s practical instincts kicked in, and after recklessly leaping over the balcony almost breaking his legs, he called for another cab.
He and Bull sprang into the cab together, the Professor and the Inspector into another, while the Secretary and the late Gogol scrambled into a third just in time to pursue the flying Syme, who was pursuing the flying President. Sunday led them a wild chase towards the north-west, his cabman, evidently under the influence of more than common inducements, urging the horse at breakneck speed. But Syme was in no mood for delicacies, and he stood up in his own cab shouting, “Stop thief!” until crowds ran along beside his cab, and policemen began to stop and ask questions. All this had its influence upon the President’s cabman, who began to look dubious, and to slow down to a trot. He opened the trap to talk reasonably to his fare, and in so doing let the long whip droop over the front of the cab. Sunday leant forward, seized it, and jerked it violently out of the man’s hand. Then standing up in front of the cab himself, he lashed the horse and roared aloud, so that they went down the streets like a flying storm. Through street after street and square after square went whirling this preposterous vehicle, in which the fare was urging the horse and the driver trying desperately to stop it. The other three cabs came after it (if the phrase be permissible of a cab) like panting hounds. Shops and streets shot by like rattling arrows.
He and Bull jumped into the cab together, while the Professor and the Inspector got into another, and the Secretary and the late Gogol scrambled into a third just in time to chase after the speeding Syme, who was chasing the speeding President. Sunday led them on a wild dash toward the northwest, with his cab driver clearly influenced by more than normal incentives, pushing the horse to go at breakneck speed. But Syme wasn’t in the mood for subtlety, so he stood up in his cab shouting, “Stop thief!” until crowds started running alongside his cab and policemen began to halt and ask questions. All of this affected the President’s cab driver, who started looking unsure and slowed down to a trot. He opened the trap to talk calmly to his fare, but in doing so, let the long whip hang over the front of the cab. Sunday leaned forward, grabbed it, and yanked it violently out of the driver’s hand. Then standing up in front of the cab himself, he whipped the horse and yelled loudly, causing them to race down the streets like a storm. This ridiculous vehicle whirled through street after street and square after square, with the fare urging the horse on and the driver desperately trying to rein it in. The other three cabs followed (if that’s an acceptable term for a cab) like panting hounds. Shops and streets zipped by like flying arrows.
At the highest ecstacy of speed, Sunday turned round on the splashboard where he stood, and sticking his great grinning head out of the cab, with white hair whistling in the wind, he made a horrible face at his pursuers, like some colossal urchin. Then raising his right hand swiftly, he flung a ball of paper in Syme’s face and vanished. Syme caught the thing while instinctively warding it off, and discovered that it consisted of two crumpled papers. One was addressed to himself, and the other to Dr. Bull, with a very long, and it is to be feared partly ironical, string of letters after his name. Dr. Bull’s address was, at any rate, considerably longer than his communication, for the communication consisted entirely of the words:—
At the peak of speed, Sunday turned around on the dashboard where he stood, and with his big grinning head sticking out of the cab, white hair blowing in the wind, he made a silly face at his pursuers, like some giant kid. Then, raising his right hand quickly, he threw a ball of paper at Syme's face and disappeared. Syme instinctively tried to block it and caught the object, finding that it was made up of two crumpled sheets of paper. One was addressed to him, and the other to Dr. Bull, featuring a very long and, it seems, somewhat sarcastic string of letters after his name. Dr. Bull’s address was, at least, much longer than his message, as the message consisted entirely of the words:—
“What about Martin Tupper now?”
“What about Martin Tupper now?”
“What does the old maniac mean?” asked Bull, staring at the words. “What does yours say, Syme?”
“What does the old maniac mean?” Bull asked, staring at the words. “What does yours say, Syme?”
Syme’s message was, at any rate, longer, and ran as follows:—
Syme’s message was, at least, longer, and said this:—
“No one would regret anything in the nature of an interference by the Archdeacon more than I. I trust it will not come to that. But, for the last time, where are your goloshes? The thing is too bad, especially after what uncle said.”
“No one would feel worse about any interference from the Archdeacon than I would. I hope it doesn’t come to that. But for the last time, where are your goloshes? This is just too much, especially after what Uncle said.”
The President’s cabman seemed to be regaining some control over his horse, and the pursuers gained a little as they swept round into the Edgware Road. And here there occurred what seemed to the allies a providential stoppage. Traffic of every kind was swerving to right or left or stopping, for down the long road was coming the unmistakable roar announcing the fire-engine, which in a few seconds went by like a brazen thunderbolt. But quick as it went by, Sunday had bounded out of his cab, sprung at the fire-engine, caught it, slung himself on to it, and was seen as he disappeared in the noisy distance talking to the astonished fireman with explanatory gestures.
The President's cab driver appeared to be regaining control of his horse, and the pursuers closed in a bit as they turned onto Edgware Road. Then, what seemed like a lucky break for the allies happened. All kinds of traffic were swerving or stopping, because down the long road came the unmistakable roar of a fire engine, which sped by like a loud thunderclap. But just as it rushed past, Sunday jumped out of his cab, leaped onto the fire engine, and was seen disappearing into the noisy distance, talking to the surprised fireman with hand gestures to explain.
“After him!” howled Syme. “He can’t go astray now. There’s no mistaking a fire-engine.”
“After him!” screamed Syme. “He can't get lost now. You can't mistake a fire truck.”
The three cabmen, who had been stunned for a moment, whipped up their horses and slightly decreased the distance between themselves and their disappearing prey. The President acknowledged this proximity by coming to the back of the car, bowing repeatedly, kissing his hand, and finally flinging a neatly-folded note into the bosom of Inspector Ratcliffe. When that gentleman opened it, not without impatience, he found it contained the words:—
The three cab drivers, who had been momentarily shocked, urged their horses on and shortened the gap between themselves and their vanishing target. The President recognized this closeness by moving to the back of the car, bowing several times, kissing his hand, and finally tossing a neatly-folded note into Inspector Ratcliffe's chest. When he opened it, with a hint of impatience, he found it contained the words:—
“Fly at once. The truth about your trouser-stretchers is known.—A FRIEND.”
“Go right now. Everyone knows the truth about your pants. —A FRIEND.”
The fire-engine had struck still farther to the north, into a region that they did not recognise; and as it ran by a line of high railings shadowed with trees, the six friends were startled, but somewhat relieved, to see the President leap from the fire-engine, though whether through another whim or the increasing protest of his entertainers they could not see. Before the three cabs, however, could reach up to the spot, he had gone up the high railings like a huge grey cat, tossed himself over, and vanished in a darkness of leaves.
The fire truck had moved even farther north, into an area they didn’t recognize; and as it passed by a row of tall fences shaded by trees, the six friends were surprised, but somewhat relieved, to see the President jump out of the fire truck, though they couldn’t tell if it was just another impulse or a reaction to the growing objections from his hosts. Before the three cabs could get to the spot, he had scaled the tall railings like a big gray cat, leaped over, and disappeared into a tangle of leaves.
Syme with a furious gesture stopped his cab, jumped out, and sprang also to the escalade. When he had one leg over the fence and his friends were following, he turned a face on them which shone quite pale in the shadow.
Syme angrily signaled for his cab to stop, hopped out, and quickly climbed the fence. As he got one leg over and his friends were coming up behind him, he turned to them with a face that looked quite pale in the shadows.
“What place can this be?” he asked. “Can it be the old devil’s house? I’ve heard he has a house in North London.”
“What place is this?” he asked. “Could it be the old devil’s house? I’ve heard he has a place in North London.”
“All the better,” said the Secretary grimly, planting a foot in a foothold, “we shall find him at home.”
“All the better,” said the Secretary grimly, finding his footing, “we’ll find him at home.”
“No, but it isn’t that,” said Syme, knitting his brows. “I hear the most horrible noises, like devils laughing and sneezing and blowing their devilish noses!”
“No, but that’s not it,” Syme said, furrowing his brow. “I hear the most terrible sounds, like demons laughing and sneezing and blowing their wicked noses!”
“His dogs barking, of course,” said the Secretary.
“His dogs are barking, of course,” said the Secretary.
“Why not say his black-beetles barking!” said Syme furiously, “snails barking! geraniums barking! Did you ever hear a dog bark like that?”
“Why not say his black beetles are barking!” Syme shouted angrily, “snails are barking! geraniums are barking! Have you ever heard a dog bark like that?”
He held up his hand, and there came out of the thicket a long growling roar that seemed to get under the skin and freeze the flesh—a low thrilling roar that made a throbbing in the air all about them.
He raised his hand, and from the thicket came a deep, rumbling roar that felt like it went under the skin and chilled the flesh—a low, exciting roar that created a pulse in the air around them.
“The dogs of Sunday would be no ordinary dogs,” said Gogol, and shuddered.
“The dogs of Sunday will be anything but ordinary,” Gogol said, shuddering.
Syme had jumped down on the other side, but he still stood listening impatiently.
Syme had jumped down on the other side, but he was still standing there, listening impatiently.
“Well, listen to that,” he said, “is that a dog—anybody’s dog?”
“Well, check that out,” he said, “is that a dog—someone’s dog?”
There broke upon their ear a hoarse screaming as of things protesting and clamouring in sudden pain; and then, far off like an echo, what sounded like a long nasal trumpet.
There came to their ears a harsh scream, like things protesting and shouting in sudden pain; and then, faintly, as if echoing far away, there was what sounded like a long, nasal trumpet.
“Well, his house ought to be hell!” said the Secretary; “and if it is hell, I’m going in!” and he sprang over the tall railings almost with one swing.
“Well, his house must be hell!” said the Secretary; “and if it is hell, I’m going in!” He jumped over the tall railings almost in one motion.
The others followed. They broke through a tangle of plants and shrubs, and came out on an open path. Nothing was in sight, but Dr. Bull suddenly struck his hands together.
The others kept going. They pushed through a bunch of plants and bushes and ended up on an open path. There was nothing around, but then Dr. Bull suddenly clapped his hands together.
“Why, you asses,” he cried, “it’s the Zoo!”
“Why, you idiots,” he shouted, “it’s the Zoo!”
As they were looking round wildly for any trace of their wild quarry, a keeper in uniform came running along the path with a man in plain clothes.
As they were scanning the area frantically for any sign of their elusive target, a uniformed guard came racing down the path with a man in casual clothes.
“Has it come this way?” gasped the keeper.
“Has it come this way?” the keeper gasped.
“Has what?” asked Syme.
“Has what?” Syme asked.
“The elephant!” cried the keeper. “An elephant has gone mad and run away!”
“The elephant!” shouted the keeper. “An elephant has gone crazy and escaped!”
“He has run away with an old gentleman,” said the other stranger breathlessly, “a poor old gentleman with white hair!”
“He's run off with an old guy,” said the other stranger breathlessly, “a poor old man with white hair!”
“What sort of old gentleman?” asked Syme, with great curiosity.
“What kind of old man?” asked Syme, very curious.
“A very large and fat old gentleman in light grey clothes,” said the keeper eagerly.
“A really big and overweight old guy in light grey clothes,” said the keeper excitedly.
“Well,” said Syme, “if he’s that particular kind of old gentleman, if you’re quite sure that he’s a large and fat old gentleman in grey clothes, you may take my word for it that the elephant has not run away with him. He has run away with the elephant. The elephant is not made by God that could run away with him if he did not consent to the elopement. And, by thunder, there he is!”
"Well," said Syme, "if he’s that specific kind of old guy, if you're absolutely sure that he’s a large, chubby old man in grey clothes, you can trust me that the elephant hasn't run away with him. He’s the one who has run off with the elephant. There's no way an elephant could run away with him unless he agreed to go along with it. And, wow, look at that!"
There was no doubt about it this time. Clean across the space of grass, about two hundred yards away, with a crowd screaming and scampering vainly at his heels, went a huge grey elephant at an awful stride, with his trunk thrown out as rigid as a ship’s bowsprit, and trumpeting like the trumpet of doom. On the back of the bellowing and plunging animal sat President Sunday with all the placidity of a sultan, but goading the animal to a furious speed with some sharp object in his hand.
There was no doubt about it this time. Across the grassy field, about two hundred yards away, a massive gray elephant charged forward with an awful gait, its trunk extended straight out like a ship’s bowsprit, trumpeting like a herald of doom. On the back of the roaring and thrashing creature sat President Sunday, exuding the calmness of a sultan, but spurring the animal to an intense speed with a sharp object in his hand.
“Stop him!” screamed the populace. “He’ll be out of the gate!”
“Stop him!” yelled the crowd. “He’s going to get out of the gate!”
“Stop a landslide!” said the keeper. “He is out of the gate!”
“Stop a landslide!” said the keeper. “He’s out of the gate!”
And even as he spoke, a final crash and roar of terror announced that the great grey elephant had broken out of the gates of the Zoological Gardens, and was careening down Albany Street like a new and swift sort of omnibus.
And even as he spoke, a final crash and a terrifying roar signaled that the huge gray elephant had broken free from the gates of the Zoo and was rushing down Albany Street like a fast, new kind of bus.
“Great Lord!” cried Bull, “I never knew an elephant could go so fast. Well, it must be hansom-cabs again if we are to keep him in sight.”
“Great Lord!” shouted Bull, “I never knew an elephant could move so quickly. Well, it looks like we’ll need some hansom cabs again if we’re going to keep him in view.”
As they raced along to the gate out of which the elephant had vanished, Syme felt a glaring panorama of the strange animals in the cages which they passed. Afterwards he thought it queer that he should have seen them so clearly. He remembered especially seeing pelicans, with their preposterous, pendant throats. He wondered why the pelican was the symbol of charity, except it was that it wanted a good deal of charity to admire a pelican. He remembered a hornbill, which was simply a huge yellow beak with a small bird tied on behind it. The whole gave him a sensation, the vividness of which he could not explain, that Nature was always making quite mysterious jokes. Sunday had told them that they would understand him when they had understood the stars. He wondered whether even the archangels understood the hornbill.
As they raced to the gate where the elephant had disappeared, Syme was struck by the vivid scene of the strange animals in the cages they passed. Later, he thought it was odd that he had noticed them so clearly. He specifically remembered seeing pelicans with their absurd, hanging throats. He wondered why the pelican symbolized charity, unless it was because it took a lot of charity to appreciate a pelican. He recalled a hornbill, which was basically just a massive yellow beak with a small bird attached to the back. The whole experience gave him a feeling he couldn't quite explain, that Nature was always pulling some mysterious pranks. Sunday had told them that they would understand him once they deciphered the stars. He pondered whether even the archangels understood the hornbill.
The six unhappy detectives flung themselves into cabs and followed the elephant sharing the terror which he spread through the long stretch of the streets. This time Sunday did not turn round, but offered them the solid stretch of his unconscious back, which maddened them, if possible, more than his previous mockeries. Just before they came to Baker Street, however, he was seen to throw something far up into the air, as a boy does a ball meaning to catch it again. But at their rate of racing it fell far behind, just by the cab containing Gogol; and in faint hope of a clue or for some impulse unexplainable, he stopped his cab so as to pick it up. It was addressed to himself, and was quite a bulky parcel. On examination, however, its bulk was found to consist of thirty-three pieces of paper of no value wrapped one round the other. When the last covering was torn away it reduced itself to a small slip of paper, on which was written:—
The six frustrated detectives hopped into cabs and chased after the elephant, sharing in the fear he spread throughout the long stretch of the streets. This time, Sunday didn’t turn around, but presented them with the solid expanse of his indifferent back, which drove them even more mad than his earlier taunts. Just before they reached Baker Street, though, he was seen tossing something high into the air, like a boy throwing a ball he planned to catch again. But at the speed they were going, it fell way behind, landing right next to the cab with Gogol. With a glimmer of hope for a clue or some inexplicable urge, he stopped his cab to pick it up. It was addressed to him and was quite a hefty package. However, upon closer inspection, its weight turned out to be just thirty-three worthless pieces of paper wrapped around each other. When the last layer was ripped away, it turned into a small slip of paper that had the following written on it:—
“The word, I fancy, should be ‘pink’.”
“The word, I think, should be ‘pink’.”
The man once known as Gogol said nothing, but the movements of his hands and feet were like those of a man urging a horse to renewed efforts.
The man formerly known as Gogol didn't say a word, but the way he moved his hands and feet resembled someone encouraging a horse to try harder.
Through street after street, through district after district, went the prodigy of the flying elephant, calling crowds to every window, and driving the traffic left and right. And still through all this insane publicity the three cabs toiled after it, until they came to be regarded as part of a procession, and perhaps the advertisement of a circus. They went at such a rate that distances were shortened beyond belief, and Syme saw the Albert Hall in Kensington when he thought that he was still in Paddington. The animal’s pace was even more fast and free through the empty, aristocratic streets of South Kensington, and he finally headed towards that part of the sky-line where the enormous Wheel of Earl’s Court stood up in the sky. The wheel grew larger and larger, till it filled heaven like the wheel of stars.
Through street after street, through neighborhood after neighborhood, went the amazing flying elephant, drawing crowds to every window and causing traffic to swerve left and right. And even amidst all this crazy publicity, the three cabs followed it, eventually seen as part of the parade, maybe even a circus advertisement. They moved so quickly that distances shrank beyond belief, and Syme spotted the Albert Hall in Kensington when he thought he was still in Paddington. The animal's pace was even faster and freer through the empty, upscale streets of South Kensington, and it finally aimed towards the part of the skyline where the huge Wheel of Earl’s Court towered above. The wheel grew larger and larger until it filled the sky like a wheel of stars.
The beast outstripped the cabs. They lost him round several corners, and when they came to one of the gates of the Earl’s Court Exhibition they found themselves finally blocked. In front of them was an enormous crowd; in the midst of it was an enormous elephant, heaving and shuddering as such shapeless creatures do. But the President had disappeared.
The creature outran the cabs. They lost sight of him around several corners, and when they reached one of the gates of the Earl’s Court Exhibition, they found themselves completely blocked. In front of them stood a massive crowd; in the center was a giant elephant, moving and trembling like such large animals tend to do. But the President was nowhere to be found.
“Where has he gone to?” asked Syme, slipping to the ground.
“Where did he go?” asked Syme, dropping to the ground.
“Gentleman rushed into the Exhibition, sir!” said an official in a dazed manner. Then he added in an injured voice: “Funny gentleman, sir. Asked me to hold his horse, and gave me this.”
“Gentleman rushed into the Exhibition, sir!” said an official in a dazed manner. Then he added in an injured voice: “Weird gentleman, sir. Asked me to hold his horse and gave me this.”
He held out with distaste a piece of folded paper, addressed: “To the Secretary of the Central Anarchist Council.”
He reluctantly extended a folded piece of paper that read: “To the Secretary of the Central Anarchist Council.”
The Secretary, raging, rent it open, and found written inside it:—
The Secretary, furious, tore it open and found written inside it:—
“When the herring runs a mile,
Let the Secretary smile;
When the herring tries to fly,
Let the Secretary die.
Rustic Proverb.”
“When the herring runs a mile,
Let the Secretary smile;
When the herring tries to fly,
Let the Secretary die.
Rustic Proverb.”
“Why the eternal crikey,” began the Secretary, “did you let the man in? Do people commonly come to your Exhibition riding on mad elephants? Do—”
“Why the heck,” started the Secretary, “did you let the guy in? Do people usually show up at your Exhibition riding crazy elephants? Do—”
“Look!” shouted Syme suddenly. “Look over there!”
“Hey!” shouted Syme suddenly. “Check that out over there!”
“Look at what?” asked the Secretary savagely.
“Look at what?” the Secretary asked angrily.
“Look at the captive balloon!” said Syme, and pointed in a frenzy.
“Look at the tethered balloon!” Syme exclaimed, pointing excitedly.
“Why the blazes should I look at a captive balloon?” demanded the Secretary. “What is there queer about a captive balloon?”
“Why on earth should I look at a tethered balloon?” the Secretary asked. “What’s so strange about a tethered balloon?”
“Nothing,” said Syme, “except that it isn’t captive!”
“Nothing,” said Syme, “except that it isn’t captive!”
They all turned their eyes to where the balloon swung and swelled above the Exhibition on a string, like a child’s balloon. A second afterwards the string came in two just under the car, and the balloon, broken loose, floated away with the freedom of a soap bubble.
They all looked up at the balloon that hung and swayed above the Exhibition on a string, just like a child’s balloon. A moment later, the string snapped right below the car, and the balloon, now free, floated away like a soap bubble.
“Ten thousand devils!” shrieked the Secretary. “He’s got into it!” and he shook his fists at the sky.
“Ten thousand devils!” the Secretary screamed. “He’s got into it!” and he shook his fists at the sky.
The balloon, borne by some chance wind, came right above them, and they could see the great white head of the President peering over the side and looking benevolently down on them.
The balloon, carried by a random gust of wind, floated right above them, and they could see the President's large white head leaning over the side, looking down at them with a kind expression.
“God bless my soul!” said the Professor with the elderly manner that he could never disconnect from his bleached beard and parchment face. “God bless my soul! I seemed to fancy that something fell on the top of my hat!”
“God bless my soul!” said the Professor with the old-fashioned way that he could never separate from his white beard and wrinkled face. “God bless my soul! I thought I felt something land on the top of my hat!”
He put up a trembling hand and took from that shelf a piece of twisted paper, which he opened absently only to find it inscribed with a true lover’s knot and, the words:—
He raised a shaking hand and took a crumpled piece of paper from the shelf, which he opened absentmindedly only to discover it marked with a true lover’s knot and the words:—
“Your beauty has not left me indifferent.—From LITTLE SNOWDROP.”
“Your beauty has not left me indifferent.—From LITTLE SNOWDROP.”
There was a short silence, and then Syme said, biting his beard—
There was a brief pause, and then Syme said, tugging at his beard—
“I’m not beaten yet. The blasted thing must come down somewhere. Let’s follow it!”
“I’m not done yet. That thing has to come down somewhere. Let’s go after it!”
CHAPTER XIV.
THE SIX PHILOSOPHERS
Across green fields, and breaking through blooming hedges, toiled six draggled detectives, about five miles out of London. The optimist of the party had at first proposed that they should follow the balloon across South England in hansom-cabs. But he was ultimately convinced of the persistent refusal of the balloon to follow the roads, and the still more persistent refusal of the cabmen to follow the balloon. Consequently the tireless though exasperated travellers broke through black thickets and ploughed through ploughed fields till each was turned into a figure too outrageous to be mistaken for a tramp. Those green hills of Surrey saw the final collapse and tragedy of the admirable light grey suit in which Syme had set out from Saffron Park. His silk hat was broken over his nose by a swinging bough, his coat-tails were torn to the shoulder by arresting thorns, the clay of England was splashed up to his collar; but he still carried his yellow beard forward with a silent and furious determination, and his eyes were still fixed on that floating ball of gas, which in the full flush of sunset seemed coloured like a sunset cloud.
Across green fields and breaking through blooming hedges, six worn-out detectives struggled about five miles outside London. The optimistic one in the group initially suggested they chase the balloon across southern England in hansom cabs. But he eventually accepted that the balloon wasn’t sticking to the roads and that cab drivers weren’t following it either. So, the determined yet frustrated travelers pushed through dark thickets and trudged through plowed fields until they all looked so ragged they could easily be mistaken for homeless people. Those green hills of Surrey witnessed the final breakdown and disaster of the once sharp light grey suit Syme wore when he left Saffron Park. A low-hanging branch knocked his silk hat over his face, thorns ripped his coat-tails up to his shoulders, and mud splattered up to his collar. Yet he still held his yellow beard forward with a silent, fierce determination, his eyes locked onto that floating gas balloon, which in the vibrant sunset appeared as colorful as a sunset cloud.
“After all,” he said, “it is very beautiful!”
“After all,” he said, “it’s really beautiful!”
“It is singularly and strangely beautiful!” said the Professor. “I wish the beastly gas-bag would burst!”
“It’s uniquely and oddly beautiful!” said the Professor. “I wish that annoying gas-bag would just pop!”
“No,” said Dr. Bull, “I hope it won’t. It might hurt the old boy.”
“No,” said Dr. Bull, “I hope it won’t. It could hurt the poor guy.”
“Hurt him!” said the vindictive Professor, “hurt him! Not as much as I’d hurt him if I could get up with him. Little Snowdrop!”
“Hurt him!” said the vengeful Professor, “hurt him! Not as much as I’d hurt him if I could catch up with him. Little Snowdrop!”
“I don’t want him hurt, somehow,” said Dr. Bull.
“I don’t want him to get hurt, you know,” said Dr. Bull.
“What!” cried the Secretary bitterly. “Do you believe all that tale about his being our man in the dark room? Sunday would say he was anybody.”
“what!” the Secretary exclaimed bitterly. “Do you really believe that story about him being our guy in the dark room? Sunday would say he’s anyone.”
“I don’t know whether I believe it or not,” said Dr. Bull. “But it isn’t that that I mean. I can’t wish old Sunday’s balloon to burst because—”
“I don’t know if I believe it or not,” said Dr. Bull. “But that’s not what I mean. I can’t hope for old Sunday’s balloon to pop because—”
“Well,” said Syme impatiently, “because?”
“Well,” Syme said impatiently, “why?”
“Well, because he’s so jolly like a balloon himself,” said Dr. Bull desperately. “I don’t understand a word of all that idea of his being the same man who gave us all our blue cards. It seems to make everything nonsense. But I don’t care who knows it, I always had a sympathy for old Sunday himself, wicked as he was. Just as if he was a great bouncing baby. How can I explain what my queer sympathy was? It didn’t prevent my fighting him like hell! Shall I make it clear if I say that I liked him because he was so fat?”
“Well, it’s because he’s so cheerful, like a balloon himself,” Dr. Bull said desperately. “I don’t get the whole idea that he’s the same guy who gave us all our blue cards. It just seems to turn everything into nonsense. But I don’t care who knows it; I’ve always had a sympathy for old Sunday himself, as wicked as he was. It’s like he was a big, bouncing baby. How can I explain this strange sympathy I felt? It didn’t stop me from fighting him fiercely! Does it make sense if I say I liked him because he was so fat?”
“You will not,” said the Secretary.
"You won't," said the Sec.
“I’ve got it now,” cried Bull, “it was because he was so fat and so light. Just like a balloon. We always think of fat people as heavy, but he could have danced against a sylph. I see now what I mean. Moderate strength is shown in violence, supreme strength is shown in levity. It was like the old speculations—what would happen if an elephant could leap up in the sky like a grasshopper?”
“I’ve got it now,” yelled Bull, “it’s because he was so overweight and so light. Just like a balloon. We usually think of overweight people as heavy, but he could have danced with a fairy. I get what I mean now. Moderate strength is displayed in aggression, while supreme strength is shown in lightness. It’s like the old theories—what would happen if an elephant could jump into the sky like a grasshopper?”
“Our elephant,” said Syme, looking upwards, “has leapt into the sky like a grasshopper.”
“Our elephant,” said Syme, looking up, “has jumped into the sky like a grasshopper.”
“And somehow,” concluded Bull, “that’s why I can’t help liking old Sunday. No, it’s not an admiration of force, or any silly thing like that. There is a kind of gaiety in the thing, as if he were bursting with some good news. Haven’t you sometimes felt it on a spring day? You know Nature plays tricks, but somehow that day proves they are good-natured tricks. I never read the Bible myself, but that part they laugh at is literal truth, ‘Why leap ye, ye high hills?’ The hills do leap—at least, they try to.... Why do I like Sunday?... how can I tell you?... because he’s such a Bounder.”
“And somehow,” Bull concluded, “that’s why I can’t help but like old Sunday. No, it’s not about admiring strength or anything silly like that. There’s a kind of joy about him, as if he’s bursting with some good news. Haven’t you ever felt that on a spring day? You know Nature can be tricky, but somehow that day shows those tricks are good-natured. I’ve never read the Bible myself, but that part they laugh at is literally true, ‘Why leap ye, ye high hills?’ The hills really do leap—at least, they try to... Why do I like Sunday?... how can I explain it to you?... because he’s such a Bounder.”
There was a long silence, and then the Secretary said in a curious, strained voice—
There was a long silence, and then the Secretary said in a strange, tense voice—
“You do not know Sunday at all. Perhaps it is because you are better than I, and do not know hell. I was a fierce fellow, and a trifle morbid from the first. The man who sits in darkness, and who chose us all, chose me because I had all the crazy look of a conspirator—because my smile went crooked, and my eyes were gloomy, even when I smiled. But there must have been something in me that answered to the nerves in all these anarchic men. For when I first saw Sunday he expressed to me, not your airy vitality, but something both gross and sad in the Nature of Things. I found him smoking in a twilight room, a room with brown blind down, infinitely more depressing than the genial darkness in which our master lives. He sat there on a bench, a huge heap of a man, dark and out of shape. He listened to all my words without speaking or even stirring. I poured out my most passionate appeals, and asked my most eloquent questions. Then, after a long silence, the Thing began to shake, and I thought it was shaken by some secret malady. It shook like a loathsome and living jelly. It reminded me of everything I had ever read about the base bodies that are the origin of life—the deep sea lumps and protoplasm. It seemed like the final form of matter, the most shapeless and the most shameful. I could only tell myself, from its shudderings, that it was something at least that such a monster could be miserable. And then it broke upon me that the bestial mountain was shaking with a lonely laughter, and the laughter was at me. Do you ask me to forgive him that? It is no small thing to be laughed at by something at once lower and stronger than oneself.”
"You don't really know Sunday at all. Maybe it’s because you're a better person than I am, and you don’t understand hell. I was a fierce guy, maybe a bit morbid right from the start. The man who sits in darkness, who chose all of us, picked me because I had the wild look of a conspirator—because my smile was crooked and my eyes were dark, even when I smiled. But there must have been something in me that resonated with the instincts of all these rebellious men. When I first saw Sunday, he didn’t express your lighthearted energy, but something both disturbing and sorrowful about the way things are. I found him smoking in a dimly lit room, a room with brown blinds that felt incredibly more depressing than the warm darkness where our leader resides. He sat there on a bench, a massive, shapeless man, dark and out of form. He listened to everything I said without uttering a word or even moving. I poured out my most passionate pleas and asked my most articulate questions. Then, after a long silence, the thing began to tremble, and I thought it was afflicted by some hidden illness. It shook like a disgusting, living jelly. It reminded me of everything I ever read about the basic bodies that give rise to life—the lumps of the deep sea and protoplasm. It seemed like the ultimate form of matter, the most formless and the most disgraceful. All I could tell myself, from its shuddering, was that at least such a monster could feel miserable. And then it hit me that this brutish mountain was shaking with a lonely laughter, and the laughter was directed at me. Do you want me to forgive him for that? It’s no small thing to be mocked by something that is both lower and stronger than oneself."
“Surely you fellows are exaggerating wildly,” cut in the clear voice of Inspector Ratcliffe. “President Sunday is a terrible fellow for one’s intellect, but he is not such a Barnum’s freak physically as you make out. He received me in an ordinary office, in a grey check coat, in broad daylight. He talked to me in an ordinary way. But I’ll tell you what is a trifle creepy about Sunday. His room is neat, his clothes are neat, everything seems in order; but he’s absent-minded. Sometimes his great bright eyes go quite blind. For hours he forgets that you are there. Now absent-mindedness is just a bit too awful in a bad man. We think of a wicked man as vigilant. We can’t think of a wicked man who is honestly and sincerely dreamy, because we daren’t think of a wicked man alone with himself. An absentminded man means a good-natured man. It means a man who, if he happens to see you, will apologise. But how will you bear an absentminded man who, if he happens to see you, will kill you? That is what tries the nerves, abstraction combined with cruelty. Men have felt it sometimes when they went through wild forests, and felt that the animals there were at once innocent and pitiless. They might ignore or slay. How would you like to pass ten mortal hours in a parlour with an absent-minded tiger?”
“Surely you guys are exaggerating a lot,” interrupted the clear voice of Inspector Ratcliffe. “President Sunday is a real headache for one’s intellect, but he’s not the physical freak you make him out to be. He met with me in an ordinary office, wearing a grey check coat, in broad daylight. He talked to me like anyone else would. But there’s something a bit unsettling about Sunday. His room is tidy, his clothes are neat, everything seems in order; yet he’s absent-minded. Sometimes his bright eyes go completely blank. He can forget you’re even there for hours. Now, absent-mindedness is a bit too disturbing in a bad guy. We think of a wicked person as being alert. We can’t imagine a wicked person who is genuinely and sincerely lost in thought because we fear what a wicked person would do alone with themselves. An absent-minded person suggests a kind-hearted person. It suggests a person who, if they notice you, will apologize. But how do you deal with an absent-minded person who, if they happen to notice you, will kill you? That's what tests your nerves: the combination of distraction and cruelty. People have felt it when wandering through wild forests, sensing that the animals there are both innocent and ruthless. They might ignore you or attack. How would you like to spend ten excruciating hours in a room with an absent-minded tiger?”
“And what do you think of Sunday, Gogol?” asked Syme.
“And what do you think of Sunday, Gogol?” Syme asked.
“I don’t think of Sunday on principle,” said Gogol simply, “any more than I stare at the sun at noonday.”
“I don’t think about Sunday on principle,” Gogol said plainly, “just like I don’t stare at the sun at noon.”
“Well, that is a point of view,” said Syme thoughtfully. “What do you say, Professor?”
“Well, that’s one way to look at it,” Syme said thoughtfully. “What do you think, Professor?”
The Professor was walking with bent head and trailing stick, and he did not answer at all.
The professor was walking with his head down and dragging his stick, and he didn’t respond at all.
“Wake up, Professor!” said Syme genially. “Tell us what you think of Sunday.”
“Wake up, Professor!” Syme said cheerfully. “Share your thoughts on Sunday.”
The Professor spoke at last very slowly.
The professor finally spoke very slowly.
“I think something,” he said, “that I cannot say clearly. Or, rather, I think something that I cannot even think clearly. But it is something like this. My early life, as you know, was a bit too large and loose.
“I think something,” he said, “that I can’t express clearly. Or, rather, I have a thought that I can’t even think through properly. But it’s something along these lines. My early life, as you know, was a bit too broad and unstructured.
“Well, when I saw Sunday’s face I thought it was too large—everybody does, but I also thought it was too loose. The face was so big, that one couldn’t focus it or make it a face at all. The eye was so far away from the nose, that it wasn’t an eye. The mouth was so much by itself, that one had to think of it by itself. The whole thing is too hard to explain.”
“Well, when I saw Sunday’s face, I thought it was too big—everyone does, but I also thought it was too loose. The face was so large that you couldn’t really focus on it or consider it a face at all. The eye was so far from the nose that it didn’t feel like an eye. The mouth was so separated that you had to think of it on its own. It’s all too hard to explain.”
He paused for a little, still trailing his stick, and then went on—
He paused for a moment, still dragging his stick, and then continued—
“But put it this way. Walking up a road at night, I have seen a lamp and a lighted window and a cloud make together a most complete and unmistakable face. If anyone in heaven has that face I shall know him again. Yet when I walked a little farther I found that there was no face, that the window was ten yards away, the lamp ten hundred yards, the cloud beyond the world. Well, Sunday’s face escaped me; it ran away to right and left, as such chance pictures run away. And so his face has made me, somehow, doubt whether there are any faces. I don’t know whether your face, Bull, is a face or a combination in perspective. Perhaps one black disc of your beastly glasses is quite close and another fifty miles away. Oh, the doubts of a materialist are not worth a dump. Sunday has taught me the last and the worst doubts, the doubts of a spiritualist. I am a Buddhist, I suppose; and Buddhism is not a creed, it is a doubt. My poor dear Bull, I do not believe that you really have a face. I have not faith enough to believe in matter.”
"But let me put it this way. Walking down a road at night, I saw a lamp, a lighted window, and a cloud come together to form a complete and unmistakable face. If anyone in heaven has that face, I would recognize it. Yet when I walked a little further, I realized there was no face; the window was ten yards away, the lamp a thousand yards, and the cloud beyond the horizon. Well, Sunday’s face slipped away from me; it darted to the right and left, just like these fleeting images do. And so his face has somehow made me doubt if there are any faces at all. I can’t tell if your face, Bull, is a face or just a mix of perspectives. Maybe one dark lens of your terrible glasses is really close, and the other is fifty miles away. Oh, the doubts of a materialist are trivial. Sunday has taught me the ultimate and most troubling doubts, the doubts of a spiritualist. I guess I'm a Buddhist; and Buddhism isn’t a belief system, it’s a doubt. My poor dear Bull, I don’t truly believe you have a face. I lack the faith to believe in physical reality."
Syme’s eyes were still fixed upon the errant orb, which, reddened in the evening light, looked like some rosier and more innocent world.
Syme’s eyes were still focused on the wayward orb, which, glowing in the evening light, appeared like a more vibrant and innocent version of our world.
“Have you noticed an odd thing,” he said, “about all your descriptions? Each man of you finds Sunday quite different, yet each man of you can only find one thing to compare him to—the universe itself. Bull finds him like the earth in spring, Gogol like the sun at noonday. The Secretary is reminded of the shapeless protoplasm, and the Inspector of the carelessness of virgin forests. The Professor says he is like a changing landscape. This is queer, but it is queerer still that I also have had my odd notion about the President, and I also find that I think of Sunday as I think of the whole world.”
“Have you noticed something strange,” he said, “about all your descriptions? Each of you sees Sunday differently, yet each of you can only compare it to one thing—the universe itself. Bull thinks it’s like the earth in spring, Gogol sees it as the sun at noon. The Secretary thinks of it as shapeless protoplasm, and the Inspector thinks of it as the untamed beauty of virgin forests. The Professor describes it as a changing landscape. This is odd, but what’s even stranger is that I also have my own peculiar idea about the President, and I find that I think of Sunday just like I think about the entire world.”
“Get on a little faster, Syme,” said Bull; “never mind the balloon.”
“Pick up the pace a bit, Syme,” Bull said; “don’t worry about the balloon.”
“When I first saw Sunday,” said Syme slowly, “I only saw his back; and when I saw his back, I knew he was the worst man in the world. His neck and shoulders were brutal, like those of some apish god. His head had a stoop that was hardly human, like the stoop of an ox. In fact, I had at once the revolting fancy that this was not a man at all, but a beast dressed up in men’s clothes.”
“When I first saw Sunday,” said Syme slowly, “I only saw his back; and when I saw his back, I knew he was the worst man in the world. His neck and shoulders were brutal, like those of some ape-like god. His head had a slouch that was barely human, like the slouch of an ox. In fact, I immediately had the disgusting thought that this was not a man at all, but a beast dressed in human clothes.”
“Get on,” said Dr. Bull.
“Get in,” said Dr. Bull.
“And then the queer thing happened. I had seen his back from the street, as he sat in the balcony. Then I entered the hotel, and coming round the other side of him, saw his face in the sunlight. His face frightened me, as it did everyone; but not because it was brutal, not because it was evil. On the contrary, it frightened me because it was so beautiful, because it was so good.”
"And then something strange happened. I had seen his back from the street as he sat on the balcony. Then I went into the hotel, and as I walked around to the front of him, I saw his face in the sunlight. His face scared me, just like it scared everyone else; but not because it was rough, not because it was wicked. Actually, it scared me because it was so stunning, because it was so pure."
“Syme,” exclaimed the Secretary, “are you ill?”
“Syme,” the Secretary exclaimed, “are you sick?”
“It was like the face of some ancient archangel, judging justly after heroic wars. There was laughter in the eyes, and in the mouth honour and sorrow. There was the same white hair, the same great, grey-clad shoulders that I had seen from behind. But when I saw him from behind I was certain he was an animal, and when I saw him in front I knew he was a god.”
“It was like the face of some ancient archangel, judging fairly after epic battles. There was laughter in his eyes, and his mouth showed both honor and sadness. He had the same white hair and the same broad, grey-clad shoulders that I had seen from behind. But when I saw him from behind, I was sure he was an animal, and when I looked at him from the front, I recognized he was a god.”
“Pan,” said the Professor dreamily, “was a god and an animal.”
“Pan,” the Professor said dreamily, “was both a god and an animal.”
“Then, and again and always,” went on Syme like a man talking to himself, “that has been for me the mystery of Sunday, and it is also the mystery of the world. When I see the horrible back, I am sure the noble face is but a mask. When I see the face but for an instant, I know the back is only a jest. Bad is so bad, that we cannot but think good an accident; good is so good, that we feel certain that evil could be explained. But the whole came to a kind of crest yesterday when I raced Sunday for the cab, and was just behind him all the way.”
“Then, and again and always,” Syme continued, almost talking to himself, “that has been the mystery of Sunday for me, and it’s also the mystery of the world. When I see the horrible back, I’m sure the noble face is just a mask. When I catch a glimpse of the face for even a moment, I know the back is just a joke. Bad is so bad that we can’t help but think good is an accident; good is so good that we’re sure evil can be explained. But everything reached a peak yesterday when I raced Sunday for the cab, and I was right behind him the whole way.”
“Had you time for thinking then?” asked Ratcliffe.
“Did you have time to think back then?” asked Ratcliffe.
“Time,” replied Syme, “for one outrageous thought. I was suddenly possessed with the idea that the blind, blank back of his head really was his face—an awful, eyeless face staring at me! And I fancied that the figure running in front of me was really a figure running backwards, and dancing as he ran.”
“Time,” Syme said, “for one wild thought. I suddenly got the idea that the blind, flat back of his head was actually his face—an awful, eyeless face staring at me! And I imagined that the figure ahead of me was really a figure running backward, dancing as he ran.”
“Horrible!” said Dr. Bull, and shuddered.
"Horrible!" Dr. Bull said, shuddering.
“Horrible is not the word,” said Syme. “It was exactly the worst instant of my life. And yet ten minutes afterwards, when he put his head out of the cab and made a grimace like a gargoyle, I knew that he was only like a father playing hide-and-seek with his children.”
“Horrible isn’t the word,” said Syme. “It was the absolute worst moment of my life. And yet ten minutes later, when he poked his head out of the cab and made a face like a gargoyle, I realized he was just like a father playing hide-and-seek with his kids.”
“It is a long game,” said the Secretary, and frowned at his broken boots.
“It’s a long game,” said the Secretary, frowning at his worn-out boots.
“Listen to me,” cried Syme with extraordinary emphasis. “Shall I tell you the secret of the whole world? It is that we have only known the back of the world. We see everything from behind, and it looks brutal. That is not a tree, but the back of a tree. That is not a cloud, but the back of a cloud. Cannot you see that everything is stooping and hiding a face? If we could only get round in front—”
“Listen to me,” Syme shouted with intense emphasis. “Do you want to know the secret of the entire world? It’s that we’ve only seen the backside of everything. We view everything from behind, and it appears harsh. That’s not a tree, but the back of a tree. That’s not a cloud, but the back of a cloud. Can’t you see that everything is bent over and hiding its face? If only we could get around to the front—”
“Look!” cried out Bull clamorously, “the balloon is coming down!”
“Look!” shouted Bull excitedly, “the balloon is coming down!”
There was no need to cry out to Syme, who had never taken his eyes off it. He saw the great luminous globe suddenly stagger in the sky, right itself, and then sink slowly behind the trees like a setting sun.
There was no need to call out to Syme, who had never looked away from it. He saw the massive glowing orb suddenly wobble in the sky, straighten up, and then slowly drop behind the trees like a setting sun.
The man called Gogol, who had hardly spoken through all their weary travels, suddenly threw up his hands like a lost spirit.
The man named Gogol, who had barely said a word throughout their exhausting journey, suddenly raised his hands like a wandering soul.
“He is dead!” he cried. “And now I know he was my friend—my friend in the dark!”
“He's dead!” he shouted. “And now I realize he was my friend—my friend in the dark!”
“Dead!” snorted the Secretary. “You will not find him dead easily. If he has been tipped out of the car, we shall find him rolling as a colt rolls in a field, kicking his legs for fun.”
“Dead!” scoffed the Secretary. “You won’t find him dead that easily. If he’s been thrown out of the car, we’ll find him rolling around like a colt in a field, kicking his legs for fun.”
“Clashing his hoofs,” said the Professor. “The colts do, and so did Pan.”
“Clashing his hooves,” said the Professor. “The colts do, and so did Pan.”
“Pan again!” said Dr. Bull irritably. “You seem to think Pan is everything.”
“Pan again!” Dr. Bull said irritably. “You act like Pan is everything.”
“So he is,” said the Professor, “in Greek. He means everything.”
“That's right,” said the Professor, “in Greek. It means everything.”
“Don’t forget,” said the Secretary, looking down, “that he also means Panic.”
“Don’t forget,” said the Secretary, looking down, “that he also means Panic.”
Syme had stood without hearing any of the exclamations.
Syme stood there without hearing any of the shouts.
“It fell over there,” he said shortly. “Let us follow it!”
“It fell over there,” he said briefly. “Let’s go after it!”
Then he added with an indescribable gesture—
Then he added with an unexplainable gesture—
“Oh, if he has cheated us all by getting killed! It would be like one of his larks.”
“Oh, if he tricked us all by getting himself killed! That would be just like one of his pranks.”
He strode off towards the distant trees with a new energy, his rags and ribbons fluttering in the wind. The others followed him in a more footsore and dubious manner. And almost at the same moment all six men realised that they were not alone in the little field.
He walked confidently towards the distant trees with fresh energy, his rags and ribbons blowing in the wind. The others followed him, moving more wearily and uncertainly. And almost at the same moment, all six men realized they weren't alone in the small field.
Across the square of turf a tall man was advancing towards them, leaning on a strange long staff like a sceptre. He was clad in a fine but old-fashioned suit with knee-breeches; its colour was that shade between blue, violet and grey which can be seen in certain shadows of the woodland. His hair was whitish grey, and at the first glance, taken along with his knee-breeches, looked as if it was powdered. His advance was very quiet; but for the silver frost upon his head, he might have been one to the shadows of the wood.
Across the grassy square, a tall man was making his way toward them, leaning on a peculiar long staff that resembled a scepter. He wore a nice but old-fashioned suit with knee-breeches; its color was that shade between blue, violet, and gray that can be seen in certain shadows of the woods. His hair was a grayish white, and at first glance, combined with his knee-breeches, it looked like it was powdered. He moved very quietly; if it weren't for the silver frost on his head, he could have blended in with the shadows of the trees.
“Gentlemen,” he said, “my master has a carriage waiting for you in the road just by.”
“Gentlemen,” he said, “my boss has a carriage waiting for you right outside.”
“Who is your master?” asked Syme, standing quite still.
“Who is your master?” Syme asked, standing completely still.
“I was told you knew his name,” said the man respectfully.
“I heard that you know his name,” the man said respectfully.
There was a silence, and then the Secretary said—
There was a pause, and then the Secretary said—
“Where is this carriage?”
“Where is this cart?”
“It has been waiting only a few moments,” said the stranger. “My master has only just come home.”
“It’s been waiting just a few minutes,” said the stranger. “My boss has only just gotten home.”
Syme looked left and right upon the patch of green field in which he found himself. The hedges were ordinary hedges, the trees seemed ordinary trees; yet he felt like a man entrapped in fairyland.
Syme glanced left and right at the patch of green field he found himself in. The hedges were just regular hedges, and the trees appeared to be ordinary trees; yet he felt like a man trapped in a fairy tale.
He looked the mysterious ambassador up and down, but he could discover nothing except that the man’s coat was the exact colour of the purple shadows, and that the man’s face was the exact colour of the red and brown and golden sky.
He scanned the mysterious ambassador from head to toe, but all he could see was that the man’s coat matched the deep purple shadows, and that the man’s face resembled the red, brown, and golden hues of the sky.
“Show us the place,” Syme said briefly, and without a word the man in the violet coat turned his back and walked towards a gap in the hedge, which let in suddenly the light of a white road.
“Show us the place,” Syme said shortly, and without a word, the man in the violet coat turned away and walked toward a break in the hedge, which suddenly revealed the light of a white road.
As the six wanderers broke out upon this thoroughfare, they saw the white road blocked by what looked like a long row of carriages, such a row of carriages as might close the approach to some house in Park Lane. Along the side of these carriages stood a rank of splendid servants, all dressed in the grey-blue uniform, and all having a certain quality of stateliness and freedom which would not commonly belong to the servants of a gentleman, but rather to the officials and ambassadors of a great king. There were no less than six carriages waiting, one for each of the tattered and miserable band. All the attendants (as if in court-dress) wore swords, and as each man crawled into his carriage they drew them, and saluted with a sudden blaze of steel.
As the six travelers emerged onto the road, they saw the white path blocked by what appeared to be a long line of carriages, similar to what might surround a mansion in Park Lane. Next to these carriages stood a line of elegant servants, all dressed in grey-blue uniforms, exuding a sense of dignity and freedom that was more typical of high officials and ambassadors of a great king than of mere household staff. There were no fewer than six carriages waiting, one for each member of the ragged and miserable group. All the attendants, almost like they were in formal wear, carried swords, and as each person climbed into their carriage, the attendants drew their swords and saluted with an impressive flash of steel.
“What can it all mean?” asked Bull of Syme as they separated. “Is this another joke of Sunday’s?”
“What could it all mean?” Bull asked Syme as they parted ways. “Is this another one of Sunday’s jokes?”
“I don’t know,” said Syme as he sank wearily back in the cushions of his carriage; “but if it is, it’s one of the jokes you talk about. It’s a good-natured one.”
“I don’t know,” said Syme as he sank wearily back into the cushions of his carriage; “but if it is, it’s one of those jokes you mention. It’s a lighthearted one.”
The six adventurers had passed through many adventures, but not one had carried them so utterly off their feet as this last adventure of comfort. They had all become inured to things going roughly; but things suddenly going smoothly swamped them. They could not even feebly imagine what the carriages were; it was enough for them to know that they were carriages, and carriages with cushions. They could not conceive who the old man was who had led them; but it was quite enough that he had certainly led them to the carriages.
The six adventurers had been through a lot of experiences, but none had completely amazed them like this last adventure of comfort. They were all used to things going wrong; however, things suddenly going right overwhelmed them. They couldn’t even vaguely picture what the carriages were like; it was enough for them to know that they were carriages, and carriages with cushions. They couldn’t figure out who the old man was who had guided them, but it was totally enough that he had definitely led them to the carriages.
Syme drove through a drifting darkness of trees in utter abandonment. It was typical of him that while he had carried his bearded chin forward fiercely so long as anything could be done, when the whole business was taken out of his hands he fell back on the cushions in a frank collapse.
Syme drove through a thick darkness of trees with complete disregard. It was typical of him that while he had pushed his bearded chin forward determinedly as long as there was something he could do, when the whole situation was taken out of his control, he slumped back into the cushions in a straightforward collapse.
Very gradually and very vaguely he realised into what rich roads the carriage was carrying him. He saw that they passed the stone gates of what might have been a park, that they began gradually to climb a hill which, while wooded on both sides, was somewhat more orderly than a forest. Then there began to grow upon him, as upon a man slowly waking from a healthy sleep, a pleasure in everything. He felt that the hedges were what hedges should be, living walls; that a hedge is like a human army, disciplined, but all the more alive. He saw high elms behind the hedges, and vaguely thought how happy boys would be climbing there. Then his carriage took a turn of the path, and he saw suddenly and quietly, like a long, low, sunset cloud, a long, low house, mellow in the mild light of sunset. All the six friends compared notes afterwards and quarrelled; but they all agreed that in some unaccountable way the place reminded them of their boyhood. It was either this elm-top or that crooked path, it was either this scrap of orchard or that shape of a window; but each man of them declared that he could remember this place before he could remember his mother.
Very slowly and somewhat vaguely, he realized where the carriage was taking him. He noticed they passed through the stone gates of what might have been a park and began to ascend a hill that, while lined with trees on both sides, felt more organized than a forest. Then, like someone gradually waking from a refreshing sleep, he began to feel a sense of joy in everything around him. He thought the hedges were exactly how hedges should be—living walls; that a hedge is similar to a disciplined human army, yet much more vibrant. He spotted tall elms behind the hedges and vaguely imagined how happy boys would be climbing those trees. Then the carriage rounded a corner, and he suddenly saw, quietly, like a low sunset cloud, a long, low house glowing in the gentle light of sunset. All six friends compared their impressions later and argued, but they all agreed that, in some mysterious way, the place reminded them of their childhood. It was either this tree-top or that winding path, this patch of orchard or that particular window shape; but each of them claimed that they could remember this place before they could remember their mother.
When the carriages eventually rolled up to a large, low, cavernous gateway, another man in the same uniform, but wearing a silver star on the grey breast of his coat, came out to meet them. This impressive person said to the bewildered Syme—
When the carriages finally arrived at a big, low, cavernous gateway, another man in the same uniform, but with a silver star on the gray chest of his coat, came out to greet them. This imposing figure spoke to the confused Syme—
“Refreshments are provided for you in your room.”
"Snacks and drinks are available for you in your room."
Syme, under the influence of the same mesmeric sleep of amazement, went up the large oaken stairs after the respectful attendant. He entered a splendid suite of apartments that seemed to be designed specially for him. He walked up to a long mirror with the ordinary instinct of his class, to pull his tie straight or to smooth his hair; and there he saw the frightful figure that he was—blood running down his face from where the bough had struck him, his hair standing out like yellow rags of rank grass, his clothes torn into long, wavering tatters. At once the whole enigma sprang up, simply as the question of how he had got there, and how he was to get out again. Exactly at the same moment a man in blue, who had been appointed as his valet, said very solemnly—
Syme, caught up in a daze of amazement, followed the respectful attendant up the large wooden stairs. He stepped into a magnificent suite of rooms that seemed specifically designed for him. Instinctively, he walked over to a long mirror to adjust his tie or smooth his hair; that’s when he saw the terrifying sight he had become—blood streaming down his face from where a branch had hit him, his hair sticking out like tangled strands of yellow grass, his clothes ripped into long, fluttering shreds. Suddenly, the entire mystery hit him: how he got here and how he would get out. At that exact moment, a man in blue, designated as his valet, spoke very solemnly—
“I have put out your clothes, sir.”
"I've laid out your clothes, sir."
“Clothes!” said Syme sardonically. “I have no clothes except these,” and he lifted two long strips of his frock-coat in fascinating festoons, and made a movement as if to twirl like a ballet girl.
“Clothes!” Syme said sarcastically. “I have no clothes except these,” and he lifted two long strips of his frock coat in intriguing drapes, making a motion as if to twirl like a ballet dancer.
“My master asks me to say,” said the attendant, “that there is a fancy dress ball tonight, and that he desires you to put on the costume that I have laid out. Meanwhile, sir, there is a bottle of Burgundy and some cold pheasant, which he hopes you will not refuse, as it is some hours before supper.”
“My master asks me to tell you,” said the attendant, “that there’s a fancy dress ball tonight, and he would like you to wear the costume I have laid out. In the meantime, sir, there’s a bottle of Burgundy and some cold pheasant, which he hopes you won’t refuse, as it’s several hours before dinner.”
“Cold pheasant is a good thing,” said Syme reflectively, “and Burgundy is a spanking good thing. But really I do not want either of them so much as I want to know what the devil all this means, and what sort of costume you have got laid out for me. Where is it?”
“Cold pheasant is nice,” Syme said thoughtfully, “and Burgundy is a really great choice. But honestly, I’m not as interested in either of those as I am in figuring out what the hell all of this means and what kind of outfit you have picked out for me. Where is it?”
The servant lifted off a kind of ottoman a long peacock-blue drapery, rather of the nature of a domino, on the front of which was emblazoned a large golden sun, and which was splashed here and there with flaming stars and crescents.
The servant removed a long peacock-blue drape from an ottoman, resembling a domino, with a large golden sun boldly displayed on the front, and splattered throughout with bright stars and crescents.
“You’re to be dressed as Thursday, sir,” said the valet somewhat affably.
“You're supposed to dress as Thursday, sir,” the valet said with a friendly tone.
“Dressed as Thursday!” said Syme in meditation. “It doesn’t sound a warm costume.”
“Dressed as Thursday!” Syme said, deep in thought. “That doesn’t sound like a cozy outfit.”
“Oh, yes, sir,” said the other eagerly, “the Thursday costume is quite warm, sir. It fastens up to the chin.”
“Oh, yes, sir,” the other replied eagerly, “the Thursday costume is really warm, sir. It zips all the way up to the chin.”
“Well, I don’t understand anything,” said Syme, sighing. “I have been used so long to uncomfortable adventures that comfortable adventures knock me out. Still, I may be allowed to ask why I should be particularly like Thursday in a green frock spotted all over with the sun and moon. Those orbs, I think, shine on other days. I once saw the moon on Tuesday, I remember.”
“Well, I don’t understand anything,” said Syme, sighing. “I’ve been used to uncomfortable adventures for so long that comfortable ones completely throw me off. Still, I should be allowed to ask why I should be particularly like Thursday in a green dress covered in sun and moon spots. Those celestial bodies, I think, shine on other days. I remember seeing the moon on a Tuesday once.”
“Beg pardon, sir,” said the valet, “Bible also provided for you,” and with a respectful and rigid finger he pointed out a passage in the first chapter of Genesis. Syme read it wondering. It was that in which the fourth day of the week is associated with the creation of the sun and moon. Here, however, they reckoned from a Christian Sunday.
“Excuse me, sir,” said the valet, “the Bible is also provided for you,” and with a respectful and stiff finger, he pointed out a passage in the first chapter of Genesis. Syme read it, intrigued. It was the part where the fourth day of the week is linked to the creation of the sun and moon. However, here, they counted from a Christian Sunday.
“This is getting wilder and wilder,” said Syme, as he sat down in a chair. “Who are these people who provide cold pheasant and Burgundy, and green clothes and Bibles? Do they provide everything?”
“This is getting crazier and crazier,” said Syme, as he sat down in a chair. “Who are these people who serve cold pheasant and Burgundy, along with green clothes and Bibles? Do they supply everything?”
“Yes, sir, everything,” said the attendant gravely. “Shall I help you on with your costume?”
“Yes, sir, everything,” said the attendant seriously. “Do you want me to help you with your costume?”
“Oh, hitch the bally thing on!” said Syme impatiently.
“Oh, just hook the damn thing on!” Syme said impatiently.
But though he affected to despise the mummery, he felt a curious freedom and naturalness in his movements as the blue and gold garment fell about him; and when he found that he had to wear a sword, it stirred a boyish dream. As he passed out of the room he flung the folds across his shoulder with a gesture, his sword stood out at an angle, and he had all the swagger of a troubadour. For these disguises did not disguise, but reveal.
But even though he pretended to look down on the showiness, he felt a strange sense of freedom and ease in his movements as the blue and gold outfit draped around him; and when he realized he had to wear a sword, it sparked a youthful fantasy. As he walked out of the room, he tossed the fabric over his shoulder with a flourish, his sword sticking out at an angle, and he had all the confidence of a troubadour. Because these disguises didn't hide anything, they actually revealed more.
CHAPTER XV.
THE ACCUSER
As Syme strode along the corridor he saw the Secretary standing at the top of a great flight of stairs. The man had never looked so noble. He was draped in a long robe of starless black, down the centre of which fell a band or broad stripe of pure white, like a single shaft of light. The whole looked like some very severe ecclesiastical vestment. There was no need for Syme to search his memory or the Bible in order to remember that the first day of creation marked the mere creation of light out of darkness. The vestment itself would alone have suggested the symbol; and Syme felt also how perfectly this pattern of pure white and black expressed the soul of the pale and austere Secretary, with his inhuman veracity and his cold frenzy, which made him so easily make war on the anarchists, and yet so easily pass for one of them. Syme was scarcely surprised to notice that, amid all the ease and hospitality of their new surroundings, this man’s eyes were still stern. No smell of ale or orchards could make the Secretary cease to ask a reasonable question.
As Syme walked down the corridor, he saw the Secretary standing at the top of a grand staircase. The man had never looked so impressive. He wore a long robe of solid black, with a broad band of pure white running down the center, like a single beam of light. The whole outfit resembled a very formal religious garment. Syme didn’t need to dig into his memory or the Bible to recall that the first day of creation was simply the emergence of light from darkness. The robe itself would have suggested that symbol, and Syme also realized how perfectly this pattern of black and white represented the essence of the pale and austere Secretary, with his cold honesty and icy intensity that allowed him to wage war on anarchists while seamlessly blending in with them. Syme was hardly surprised to see that, despite the comfort and warmth of their new environment, the man’s eyes remained stern. No scent of beer or orchards could make the Secretary stop asking tough questions.
If Syme had been able to see himself, he would have realised that he, too, seemed to be for the first time himself and no one else. For if the Secretary stood for that philosopher who loves the original and formless light, Syme was a type of the poet who seeks always to make the light in special shapes, to split it up into sun and star. The philosopher may sometimes love the infinite; the poet always loves the finite. For him the great moment is not the creation of light, but the creation of the sun and moon.
If Syme could have seen himself, he would have realized that, for the first time, he was truly himself and no one else. While the Secretary represented the philosopher who loves the original, formless light, Syme was like the poet who always tries to shape that light, breaking it down into the sun and stars. The philosopher might sometimes be drawn to the infinite, but the poet always loves the finite. For him, the most significant moment isn’t about creating light, but about creating the sun and moon.
As they descended the broad stairs together they overtook Ratcliffe, who was clad in spring green like a huntsman, and the pattern upon whose garment was a green tangle of trees. For he stood for that third day on which the earth and green things were made, and his square, sensible face, with its not unfriendly cynicism, seemed appropriate enough to it.
As they walked down the wide stairs together, they passed Ratcliffe, who was dressed in spring green like a hunter, and the design on his outfit was a green pattern of trees. He represented the third day when the earth and plants were created, and his square, practical face, with its mildly unfriendly cynicism, seemed just right for it.
They were led out of another broad and low gateway into a very large old English garden, full of torches and bonfires, by the broken light of which a vast carnival of people were dancing in motley dress. Syme seemed to see every shape in Nature imitated in some crazy costume. There was a man dressed as a windmill with enormous sails, a man dressed as an elephant, a man dressed as a balloon; the two last, together, seemed to keep the thread of their farcical adventures. Syme even saw, with a queer thrill, one dancer dressed like an enormous hornbill, with a beak twice as big as himself—the queer bird which had fixed itself on his fancy like a living question while he was rushing down the long road at the Zoological Gardens. There were a thousand other such objects, however. There was a dancing lamp-post, a dancing apple tree, a dancing ship. One would have thought that the untamable tune of some mad musician had set all the common objects of field and street dancing an eternal jig. And long afterwards, when Syme was middle-aged and at rest, he could never see one of those particular objects—a lamppost, or an apple tree, or a windmill—without thinking that it was a strayed reveller from that revel of masquerade.
They were led out of another wide, low gateway into a huge, old English garden, filled with torches and bonfires. By the flickering light, a massive carnival of people danced in colorful costumes. Syme felt like he saw every shape in nature represented in some wild outfit. There was a guy dressed as a windmill with huge sails, another dressed as an elephant, and a third as a balloon; the last two seemed to keep the storyline of their ridiculous adventures going. Syme even noticed, with a strange thrill, one dancer dressed like a giant hornbill, with a beak twice his size—the odd bird that had stuck in his mind like a lingering question while he hurried down the long path at the Zoo. But there were thousands of other sights. There was a dancing lamppost, a dancing apple tree, a dancing ship. One would think that the wild rhythm of some crazy musician had inspired all the everyday objects from fields and streets to dance in an eternal jig. And long after, when Syme was middle-aged and settled down, he could never see one of those specific objects—a lamppost, an apple tree, or a windmill—without thinking it was a wandering reveler from that masquerade celebration.
On one side of this lawn, alive with dancers, was a sort of green bank, like the terrace in such old-fashioned gardens.
On one side of this lawn, bustling with dancers, was a sort of grassy slope, similar to the terrace found in those old-fashioned gardens.
Along this, in a kind of crescent, stood seven great chairs, the thrones of the seven days. Gogol and Dr. Bull were already in their seats; the Professor was just mounting to his. Gogol, or Tuesday, had his simplicity well symbolised by a dress designed upon the division of the waters, a dress that separated upon his forehead and fell to his feet, grey and silver, like a sheet of rain. The Professor, whose day was that on which the birds and fishes—the ruder forms of life—were created, had a dress of dim purple, over which sprawled goggle-eyed fishes and outrageous tropical birds, the union in him of unfathomable fancy and of doubt. Dr. Bull, the last day of Creation, wore a coat covered with heraldic animals in red and gold, and on his crest a man rampant. He lay back in his chair with a broad smile, the picture of an optimist in his element.
Along this crescent were seven large chairs, representing the thrones of the seven days. Gogol and Dr. Bull were already seated; the Professor was just taking his place. Gogol, representing Tuesday, embodied simplicity with a costume inspired by the division of the waters, splitting at his forehead and flowing down to his feet, gray and silver, resembling a sheet of rain. The Professor, whose day was when birds and fish—the more primitive forms of life—were created, wore a dim purple outfit adorned with bulging-eyed fish and outrageous tropical birds, reflecting a mix of boundless imagination and uncertainty. Dr. Bull, embodying the last day of Creation, wore a coat decorated with heraldic animals in red and gold, featuring a man rampant on his crest. He reclined in his chair with a wide smile, the very picture of an optimist in his element.
One by one the wanderers ascended the bank and sat in their strange seats. As each of them sat down a roar of enthusiasm rose from the carnival, such as that with which crowds receive kings. Cups were clashed and torches shaken, and feathered hats flung in the air. The men for whom these thrones were reserved were men crowned with some extraordinary laurels. But the central chair was empty.
One by one, the wanderers climbed up the bank and took their unusual seats. As each one settled down, a wave of excitement surged from the carnival, reminiscent of how crowds welcome kings. Cups clinked together, torches waved, and feathered hats were thrown into the air. The men for whom these thrones were meant had achieved remarkable honors. But the central chair remained empty.
Syme was on the left hand of it and the Secretary on the right. The Secretary looked across the empty throne at Syme, and said, compressing his lips—
Syme was on the left side of it and the Secretary on the right. The Secretary glanced across the empty throne at Syme and said, pressing his lips together—
“We do not know yet that he is not dead in a field.”
“We still don’t know if he’s not dead in a field.”
Almost as Syme heard the words, he saw on the sea of human faces in front of him a frightful and beautiful alteration, as if heaven had opened behind his head. But Sunday had only passed silently along the front like a shadow, and had sat in the central seat. He was draped plainly, in a pure and terrible white, and his hair was like a silver flame on his forehead.
Almost as soon as Syme heard the words, he noticed a terrifying and beautiful change among the sea of faces in front of him, as if the sky had opened up behind him. But Sunday had just moved quietly along the front like a shadow and took his place in the middle seat. He was simply dressed in a pure and imposing white, and his hair burned like a silver flame on his forehead.
For a long time—it seemed for hours—that huge masquerade of mankind swayed and stamped in front of them to marching and exultant music. Every couple dancing seemed a separate romance; it might be a fairy dancing with a pillar-box, or a peasant girl dancing with the moon; but in each case it was, somehow, as absurd as Alice in Wonderland, yet as grave and kind as a love story. At last, however, the thick crowd began to thin itself. Couples strolled away into the garden-walks, or began to drift towards that end of the building where stood smoking, in huge pots like fish-kettles, some hot and scented mixtures of old ale or wine. Above all these, upon a sort of black framework on the roof of the house, roared in its iron basket a gigantic bonfire, which lit up the land for miles. It flung the homely effect of firelight over the face of vast forests of grey or brown, and it seemed to fill with warmth even the emptiness of upper night. Yet this also, after a time, was allowed to grow fainter; the dim groups gathered more and more round the great cauldrons, or passed, laughing and clattering, into the inner passages of that ancient house. Soon there were only some ten loiterers in the garden; soon only four. Finally the last stray merry-maker ran into the house whooping to his companions. The fire faded, and the slow, strong stars came out. And the seven strange men were left alone, like seven stone statues on their chairs of stone. Not one of them had spoken a word.
For a long time—it felt like hours—that huge masquerade of humanity swayed and stomped in front of them to lively, triumphant music. Every couple dancing seemed like a unique romance; it could be a fairy dancing with a mailbox, or a village girl dancing with the moon; but in every case, it was both absurd like Alice in Wonderland and serious and loving like a romance. Finally, though, the dense crowd began to disperse. Couples wandered off into the garden paths or started drifting toward the part of the building where large pots, like fish kettles, were steaming with fragrant mixtures of old ale or wine. Above all this, a massive bonfire roared in a metal basket on the roof of the house, illuminating the land for miles. It cast the cozy glow of firelight over the expansive forests of gray or brown, seeming to bring warmth even to the open night sky. Yet, even this brightness began to fade over time; small groups gathered increasingly around the great cauldrons or moved, laughing and chatting, into the inner halls of that ancient house. Soon, there were only about ten people lingering in the garden; then just four. Eventually, the last stray party-goer rushed into the house, calling out to his friends. The fire dimmed, and the slow, bright stars appeared. And the seven strange men were left alone, like seven stone statues on their stone chairs. Not one of them had said a word.
They seemed in no haste to do so, but heard in silence the hum of insects and the distant song of one bird. Then Sunday spoke, but so dreamily that he might have been continuing a conversation rather than beginning one.
They didn’t seem in a hurry to do it, but listened quietly to the buzz of insects and the far-off song of a bird. Then Sunday spoke, but in such a dreamy way that it felt like he was continuing a conversation instead of starting one.
“We will eat and drink later,” he said. “Let us remain together a little, we who have loved each other so sadly, and have fought so long. I seem to remember only centuries of heroic war, in which you were always heroes—epic on epic, iliad on iliad, and you always brothers in arms. Whether it was but recently (for time is nothing), or at the beginning of the world, I sent you out to war. I sat in the darkness, where there is not any created thing, and to you I was only a voice commanding valour and an unnatural virtue. You heard the voice in the dark, and you never heard it again. The sun in heaven denied it, the earth and sky denied it, all human wisdom denied it. And when I met you in the daylight I denied it myself.”
“We’ll eat and drink later,” he said. “Let’s stay together a bit longer, we who have loved each other so sadly and fought for so long. All I remember are centuries of heroic battles, where you were always heroes—epic after epic, Iliad after Iliad, and you were always brothers in arms. Whether it was just recently (because time means nothing), or at the very beginning of the world, I sent you off to war. I sat in the darkness, where there was nothing created, and to you, I was just a voice urging bravery and an unnatural virtue. You heard that voice in the dark, and you never heard it again. The sun in the sky denied it, the earth and the heavens denied it, all human wisdom denied it. And when I saw you in the daylight, I denied it myself.”
Syme stirred sharply in his seat, but otherwise there was silence, and the incomprehensible went on.
Syme shifted in his seat, but other than that, it was silent, and the confusing situation continued.
“But you were men. You did not forget your secret honour, though the whole cosmos turned an engine of torture to tear it out of you. I knew how near you were to hell. I know how you, Thursday, crossed swords with King Satan, and how you, Wednesday, named me in the hour without hope.”
“But you were men. You didn't forget your secret honor, even though everything around you became a torture device trying to force it out. I knew how close you were to hell. I know how you, Thursday, faced off against King Satan, and how you, Wednesday, mentioned my name in that moment of despair.”
There was complete silence in the starlit garden, and then the black-browed Secretary, implacable, turned in his chair towards Sunday, and said in a harsh voice—
There was total silence in the starlit garden, and then the dark-browed Secretary, unyielding, turned in his chair toward Sunday and said in a rough voice—
“Who and what are you?”
"Who are you and what do you do?"
“I am the Sabbath,” said the other without moving. “I am the peace of God.”
“I am the Sabbath,” said the other without moving. “I am the peace of God.”
The Secretary started up, and stood crushing his costly robe in his hand.
The Secretary got up, gripping his expensive robe tightly in his hand.
“I know what you mean,” he cried, “and it is exactly that that I cannot forgive you. I know you are contentment, optimism, what do they call the thing, an ultimate reconciliation. Well, I am not reconciled. If you were the man in the dark room, why were you also Sunday, an offense to the sunlight? If you were from the first our father and our friend, why were you also our greatest enemy? We wept, we fled in terror; the iron entered into our souls—and you are the peace of God! Oh, I can forgive God His anger, though it destroyed nations; but I cannot forgive Him His peace.”
"I get what you're saying," he exclaimed, "and that's exactly why I can't forgive you. I know you represent contentment, optimism, whatever they call it, an ultimate reconciliation. Well, I’m not reconciled. If you were the one in the dark room, why were you also Sunday, a contradiction to the sunlight? If you were our father and our friend from the start, why were you also our greatest enemy? We cried, we ran in fear; the pain cut deep into our souls—and you are the peace of God! Oh, I can forgive God for His anger, even if it destroyed nations; but I can't forgive Him for His peace."
Sunday answered not a word, but very slowly he turned his face of stone upon Syme as if asking a question.
Sunday didn't say a word, but very slowly he turned his stone-like face toward Syme as if he were asking a question.
“No,” said Syme, “I do not feel fierce like that. I am grateful to you, not only for wine and hospitality here, but for many a fine scamper and free fight. But I should like to know. My soul and heart are as happy and quiet here as this old garden, but my reason is still crying out. I should like to know.”
“No,” said Syme, “I don’t feel aggressive like that. I appreciate you, not just for the wine and hospitality here, but for all the great adventures and friendly fights. But I want to know. My soul and heart are as happy and calm here as this old garden, but my mind is still questioning. I want to understand.”
Sunday looked at Ratcliffe, whose clear voice said—
Sunday looked at Ratcliffe, whose clear voice said—
“It seems so silly that you should have been on both sides and fought yourself.”
“It seems so silly that you were on both sides and fought against yourself.”
Bull said—
Bull said—
“I understand nothing, but I am happy. In fact, I am going to sleep.”
“I don't understand anything, but I'm happy. Actually, I'm going to sleep.”
“I am not happy,” said the Professor with his head in his hands, “because I do not understand. You let me stray a little too near to hell.”
“I’m not happy,” said the Professor, his head in his hands, “because I don’t understand. You let me stray a little too close to hell.”
And then Gogol said, with the absolute simplicity of a child—
And then Gogol said, with the total innocence of a child—
“I wish I knew why I was hurt so much.”
“I wish I understood why I was in so much pain.”
Still Sunday said nothing, but only sat with his mighty chin upon his hand, and gazed at the distance. Then at last he said—
Still Sunday said nothing, just sat with his strong chin resting on his hand, staring off into the distance. Then finally he spoke—
“I have heard your complaints in order. And here, I think, comes another to complain, and we will hear him also.”
“I've heard your complaints one by one. And now, I believe, there's another person here to complain, and we will listen to him too.”
The falling fire in the great cresset threw a last long gleam, like a bar of burning gold, across the dim grass. Against this fiery band was outlined in utter black the advancing legs of a black-clad figure. He seemed to have a fine close suit with knee-breeches such as that which was worn by the servants of the house, only that it was not blue, but of this absolute sable. He had, like the servants, a kind of sword by his side. It was only when he had come quite close to the crescent of the seven and flung up his face to look at them, that Syme saw, with thunder-struck clearness, that the face was the broad, almost ape-like face of his old friend Gregory, with its rank red hair and its insulting smile.
The falling fire in the large lantern cast a last long glow, like a strip of burning gold, across the dim grass. Against this fiery band, the advancing legs of a figure in black were outlined in complete darkness. He seemed to be wearing a fine close suit with knee-breeches, similar to what the house servants wore, but instead of blue, it was jet black. Like the servants, he had a type of sword at his side. It was only when he got close to the crescent of the seven and raised his face to look at them that Syme saw, with shocking clarity, that the face was the broad, almost ape-like face of his old friend Gregory, complete with his wild red hair and mocking smile.
“Gregory!” gasped Syme, half-rising from his seat. “Why, this is the real anarchist!”
“Gregory!” gasped Syme, half-standing from his seat. “Wow, this is the true anarchist!”
“Yes,” said Gregory, with a great and dangerous restraint, “I am the real anarchist.”
“Yeah,” said Gregory, with intense and risky control, “I’m the real anarchist.”
“‘Now there was a day,’” murmured Bull, who seemed really to have fallen asleep, “‘when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.’”
“‘Now there was a day,’” murmured Bull, who seemed to have actually fallen asleep, “‘when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came too.’”
“You are right,” said Gregory, and gazed all round. “I am a destroyer. I would destroy the world if I could.”
“You're right,” said Gregory, looking around. “I am a destroyer. I would tear down the world if I could.”
A sense of a pathos far under the earth stirred up in Syme, and he spoke brokenly and without sequence.
A deep sense of sadness stirred in Syme, and he spoke in a disjointed and fragmented way.
“Oh, most unhappy man,” he cried, “try to be happy! You have red hair like your sister.”
“Oh, you poor guy,” he shouted, “try to be happy! You have red hair just like your sister.”
“My red hair, like red flames, shall burn up the world,” said Gregory. “I thought I hated everything more than common men can hate anything; but I find that I do not hate everything so much as I hate you!”
“My red hair, like red flames, will set the world on fire,” said Gregory. “I thought I hated everything more than an average person could hate anything; but I realize that I don’t hate everything nearly as much as I hate you!”
“I never hated you,” said Syme very sadly.
“I never hated you,” Syme said sadly.
Then out of this unintelligible creature the last thunders broke.
Then, out of this incomprehensible being, the final thunders erupted.
“You!” he cried. “You never hated because you never lived. I know what you are all of you, from first to last—you are the people in power! You are the police—the great fat, smiling men in blue and buttons! You are the Law, and you have never been broken. But is there a free soul alive that does not long to break you, only because you have never been broken? We in revolt talk all kind of nonsense doubtless about this crime or that crime of the Government. It is all folly! The only crime of the Government is that it governs. The unpardonable sin of the supreme power is that it is supreme. I do not curse you for being cruel. I do not curse you (though I might) for being kind. I curse you for being safe! You sit in your chairs of stone, and have never come down from them. You are the seven angels of heaven, and you have had no troubles. Oh, I could forgive you everything, you that rule all mankind, if I could feel for once that you had suffered for one hour a real agony such as I—”
“You!” he shouted. “You’ve never hated because you’ve never truly lived. I know exactly who you are, all of you, from beginning to end—you’re the ones in charge! You’re the police—the big, smiling guys in blue with shiny badges! You are the Law, and you’ve never faced any consequences. But is there a free spirit alive who doesn’t yearn to break you, simply because you’ve never been broken? We who are in revolt talk all sorts of nonsense about this crime or that crime of the Government. It’s all absurd! The only crime of the Government is that it governs. The unforgivable sin of those in power is that they are in power. I don’t curse you for being cruel. I don’t curse you (though I could) for being kind. I curse you for being untouchable! You sit in your solid chairs, never having stepped down. You are the seven angels of heaven, untouched by hardship. Oh, I could forgive you everything, you who control all humanity, if only I could feel, just once, that you suffered even for one hour a real agony like mine—”
Syme sprang to his feet, shaking from head to foot.
Syme jumped to his feet, trembling all over.
“I see everything,” he cried, “everything that there is. Why does each thing on the earth war against each other thing? Why does each small thing in the world have to fight against the world itself? Why does a fly have to fight the whole universe? Why does a dandelion have to fight the whole universe? For the same reason that I had to be alone in the dreadful Council of the Days. So that each thing that obeys law may have the glory and isolation of the anarchist. So that each man fighting for order may be as brave and good a man as the dynamiter. So that the real lie of Satan may be flung back in the face of this blasphemer, so that by tears and torture we may earn the right to say to this man, ‘You lie!’ No agonies can be too great to buy the right to say to this accuser, ‘We also have suffered.’
“I see everything,” he shouted, “everything that exists. Why does everything on earth fight against one another? Why does each tiny thing in the world have to battle the world itself? Why does a fly have to take on the entire universe? Why does a dandelion have to confront the whole universe? For the same reason that I had to stand alone in the terrible Council of the Days. So that every thing that follows the law can have the honor and solitude of the rebel. So that every person fighting for order can be as brave and good as the one who blows things up. So that the real deception of Satan can be thrown back at this blasphemer, so that through pain and suffering, we can earn the right to say to him, ‘You are lying!’ No suffering can be too severe to earn the right to tell this accuser, ‘We have suffered too.’”
“It is not true that we have never been broken. We have been broken upon the wheel. It is not true that we have never descended from these thrones. We have descended into hell. We were complaining of unforgettable miseries even at the very moment when this man entered insolently to accuse us of happiness. I repel the slander; we have not been happy. I can answer for every one of the great guards of Law whom he has accused. At least—”
“It’s not true that we’ve never been broken. We’ve been shattered. It’s not true that we’ve never stepped down from these thrones. We’ve fallen into despair. We were lamenting our unforgettable suffering even at the moment this man walked in arrogantly to charge us with being happy. I reject that accusation; we haven’t been happy. I can vouch for every one of the great guardians of Law he’s accused. At least—”
He had turned his eyes so as to see suddenly the great face of Sunday, which wore a strange smile.
He turned his gaze to suddenly see the large face of Sunday, which had a strange smile.
“Have you,” he cried in a dreadful voice, “have you ever suffered?”
“Have you,” he shouted in a terrible voice, “have you ever suffered?”
As he gazed, the great face grew to an awful size, grew larger than the colossal mask of Memnon, which had made him scream as a child. It grew larger and larger, filling the whole sky; then everything went black. Only in the blackness before it entirely destroyed his brain he seemed to hear a distant voice saying a commonplace text that he had heard somewhere, “Can ye drink of the cup that I drink of?”
As he looked, the massive face expanded to a terrifying size, larger than the huge mask of Memnon that had made him scream as a kid. It kept growing, taking over the entire sky; then everything went dark. In the darkness, just before it completely overwhelmed his mind, he thought he heard a distant voice repeating a familiar phrase he had encountered before, “Can you drink from the cup that I drink from?”
When men in books awake from a vision, they commonly find themselves in some place in which they might have fallen asleep; they yawn in a chair, or lift themselves with bruised limbs from a field. Syme’s experience was something much more psychologically strange if there was indeed anything unreal, in the earthly sense, about the things he had gone through. For while he could always remember afterwards that he had swooned before the face of Sunday, he could not remember having ever come to at all. He could only remember that gradually and naturally he knew that he was and had been walking along a country lane with an easy and conversational companion. That companion had been a part of his recent drama; it was the red-haired poet Gregory. They were walking like old friends, and were in the middle of a conversation about some triviality. But Syme could only feel an unnatural buoyancy in his body and a crystal simplicity in his mind that seemed to be superior to everything that he said or did. He felt he was in possession of some impossible good news, which made every other thing a triviality, but an adorable triviality.
When characters in books wake up from a dream, they usually find themselves in the spot where they dozed off; they might yawn in a chair or pull themselves up with sore limbs from a field. Syme’s experience was much stranger psychologically, especially if there was anything unreal, in a literal sense, about what he had gone through. While he could always remember later that he had fainted in front of Sunday, he couldn’t recall ever waking up at all. He only remembered gradually and naturally realizing that he was walking down a country lane with a relaxed and chatty companion. That companion had been part of his recent story; it was the red-haired poet Gregory. They were walking like old friends and were in the middle of a conversation about something trivial. But Syme could only feel an unnatural lightness in his body and a crystal-clear simplicity in his mind that felt superior to everything he said or did. He sensed that he was holding onto some unbelievable good news, making everything else seem trivial, yet an endearing triviality.
Dawn was breaking over everything in colours at once clear and timid; as if Nature made a first attempt at yellow and a first attempt at rose. A breeze blew so clean and sweet, that one could not think that it blew from the sky; it blew rather through some hole in the sky. Syme felt a simple surprise when he saw rising all round him on both sides of the road the red, irregular buildings of Saffron Park. He had no idea that he had walked so near London. He walked by instinct along one white road, on which early birds hopped and sang, and found himself outside a fenced garden. There he saw the sister of Gregory, the girl with the gold-red hair, cutting lilac before breakfast, with the great unconscious gravity of a girl.
Dawn was breaking over everything in colors that were both bright and soft, as if Nature was trying out yellow and pink for the first time. A breeze blew in that was so fresh and sweet, it felt like it came from a hole in the sky rather than the sky itself. Syme felt a simple surprise when he noticed the red, uneven buildings of Saffron Park rising on both sides of the road. He had no idea he had walked so close to London. He instinctively followed a white road, where early birds hopped and sang, and found himself outside a fenced garden. There, he saw Gregory's sister, the girl with the golden-red hair, cutting lilacs before breakfast, carrying the serious poise of a young girl.
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