This is a modern-English version of Our Deportment: Or the Manners, Conduct and Dress of the Most Refined Society, originally written by Young, John H..
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OR THE
MANNERS, CONDUCT AND DRESS
OF THE MOST REFINED SOCIETY;
Suggestions on Home Culture and Training.
COMPILED FROM THE LATEST RELIABLE AUTHORITIES,
BY
JOHN H. YOUNG, A.M.
REVISED AND ILLUSTRATED.
F. B. DICKERSON & CO.,
DETROIT, MICH. ST. LOUIS, MO.
PENNSYLVANIA PUBLISHING CO., | UNION PUBLISHING HOUSE, |
HARRISBURGH, PA. | CHICAGO, ILL. |
1881.


To go through this life with good manners possessed, |
Is to be kind unto all, rich, poor and oppressed, |
For kindness and mercy are balms that will heal |
The sorrows, the pains, and the woes that we feel. |

BY
FREEMAN B. DICKERSON,
1879 and 1881.

Preface.

O one subject is of more importance to people generally than a knowledge of the rules, usages and ceremonies of good society, which are commonly expressed by the word "Etiquette." Its necessity is felt wherever men and women associate together, whether in the city, village, or country town, at home or abroad. To acquire a thorough knowledge of these matters, and to put that knowledge into practice with perfect ease and self-complacency, is what people call good breeding. To display an ignorance of them, is to subject the offender to the opprobrium of being ill-bred.
In the compilation of this work, the object has been to present the usages and rules which govern the most refined American society, and to impart that information which will enable any one, in whatever circumstances [Pg 4]of life to acquire the perfect ease of a gentleman, or the gentle manners and graceful deportment of a well-bred lady, whose presence will be sought for, and who, by their graceful deportment will learn the art of being at home in any good society.
In putting this work together, the goal has been to showcase the customs and guidelines that shape the most sophisticated American society and to provide the knowledge that will help anyone, no matter their situation [Pg 4] in life, to achieve the poise of a gentleman or the polite manners and elegant behavior of a well-mannered lady. Such individuals will be in demand, and through their graceful conduct, they will master the skill of feeling comfortable in any respectable social setting.
The work is so arranged, that every subject is conveniently classified and subdivided; it is thus an easy matter to refer at once to any given subject. It has been the aim of the compiler to give minutely all points that are properly embraced in a work on etiquette, even upon matters of seemingly trivial importance. Upon some hitherto disputed points, those rules are given, which are sustained by the best authorities and endorsed by good sense.
The work is organized in a way that every topic is clearly classified and divided, making it easy to look up any specific subject. The compiler's aim has been to thoroughly cover all aspects relevant to a book on etiquette, even those that might seem trivial. For some previously debated topics, the guidelines provided are those supported by reputable sources and common sense.
As the work is not the authorship of any one individual, and as no individual, whatever may be his acquirements, could have the presumption to dictate rules for the conduct of society in general, it is therefore only claimed that it is a careful compilation from all the best and latest authorities upon the subject of etiquette and kindred matters, while such additional material has been embraced within its pages, as, it is hoped, will be found of benefit and interest to every American household.
As this work isn’t the creation of a single person, and no one, no matter their qualifications, could confidently set the rules for how society should behave, it is simply presented as a thoughtful collection from the best and most recent sources on etiquette and related topics. Additionally, material has been included that we hope will be valuable and engaging for every American household.

Contents.
INTRODUCTORY | PAGE. 13 |
CHAPTER 2.
Good manners as an element of worldly success—Manner an index of character—The true gentleman—The true lady—Importance of trifles—Value of pleasing manners—Personal appearance enhanced and fortunes made by pleasing manners—Politeness the outgrowth of good manners | 20 |
CHAPTER 3.
Acquaintances thus formed—Promiscuous, informal and casual introductions—Introduction of a gentleman to a lady and a lady to a gentleman—Introduction at a ball—The manner of introduction—Introducing relatives—Obligatory introductions—Salutations after introduction—Introducing one's self—Letters of introduction—How they are to be delivered—Duty of a person to whom a letter of introduction is addressed—Letters of introduction for business purposes | 31 |
Chapter 4.
The salutation originally an act of worship—Its form in different nations—The bow, its proper mode—Words of salutation—Manner of bowing—Duties of the young to older people—How to avoid recognition—Etiquette of handshaking—Kissing as a mode of salutation—The kiss of friendship—The kiss of respect | 42 |
CHAPTER 5.
Morning calls—Evening calls—Rules for formal calls—Calls at Summer resorts—Reception days—Calls made by cards—Returning the first call—Calls after a betrothal takes place—Forming new acquaintance by calls—The first call, by whom to be made—Calls of Congratulation—Visits of condolence—Keeping an account of calls—Evening visits—"Engaged" or "not at home" to callers—General rules relative to calls—New Year's calls | 52 |
CHAPTER 6.
General invitations not to be accepted—The limit of a prolonged visit—Duties of a visitor—Duties of the host or hostess—True hospitality—Leave-taking—Invitations to guests—Forbearance with children—Guests making presents—Treatment of a host's friends | 69 |
CHAPTER 7.
Visiting and calling cards—Their size and style—Wedding cards—Leaving cards in calling—Cards for mother and daughter—Cards not to be sent in envelopes to return formal calls—Glazed cards not in fashion—P.P.C. cards—Cards of congratulation—When sent—Leave cards in making first calls of the season and after invitations—Mourning cards—Christmas and Easter cards—Cards of condolence—Bridegroom's card. | 75 |
CHAPTER 8.
Character revealed by conversation—Importance of conversing well—Children should be trained to talk well—Cultivation of the memory—Importance of remembering names—How Henry Clay acquired this habit—Listening—Writing down one's thoughts—Requisites for a good talker—Vulgarisms—Flippancy—Sympathizing with another—Bestowing compliments—Slang—Flattery—Scandal and gossip—Satire and ridicule—Religion and politics to be avoided—Bestowing of titles—Interrupting another while talking—Adaptability in conversation—Correct use of words—Speaking one's mind—Profanity—Display of knowledge—Double entendres—Impertinent questions—Things to be avoided in conversation—Hobbies—Fault-finding—Disputes | 84 |
CHAPTER 9.
Dinners are entertainments for married people—Whom to invite—Forms of invitations—Punctuality required—The success of a dinner party—Table appointments—Proper size of a dinner party—Arrangement of guests at table—Serving dinner a la Russe—Duties of servants—Serving the dishes—General rules regarding dinner—Waiting on others—Monopolizing conversation—Duties of hostess and host—Retiring from the table—Calls required after a dinner party—Returning hospitalities—Expensive dinners not the most enjoyable—Wines at dinners | 106 |
CHAPTER X.
Importance of acquiring good habits at the table—Table appointments for breakfast, luncheon and dinner—Use of the knife and fork—Of the napkin—Avoid fast eating and all appearance of greediness—General rules on the subject | 123 |
CHAPTER 11.
Morning receptions—The dress and refreshments for them—Invitations—Musical matinees—Parties in the country—Five o'clock teas and kettle-drums—Requisites for a successful ball—Introductions at a ball—Receiving guests—The number to invite—Duties of the guests—General rules to be observed at balls—Some suggestions for gentlemen—Duties of an escort—Preparations for a ball—The supper—An after-call required | 129 |
CHAPTER 12.
The street manners of a lady—Forming street acquaintances—Recognizing friends in the street—Saluting a lady—Passing through a crowd—The first to bow—Do not lack politeness—How a lady and gentleman should walk together—When to offer the lady the arm—Going up and down stairs—Smoking in the streets—Carrying packages—Meeting a lady acquaintance—Corner loafers—Shouting in the street—Shopping etiquette—For public conveyances—Cutting acquaintances—General suggestions | 145 |
CHAPTER 13.
Conduct in church—Invitations to opera, theatres and concerts—Conduct in public assemblages—Remain until the performance closes—Conduct in picture galleries—Behavior at charity fairs—Conduct at an artist's studio | 157 |
CHAPTER 14.
Courtesies shown to ladies traveling alone—Duties of an escort—Duties of a lady to her escort—Ladies should assist other ladies traveling alone—The seats to be occupied in a railway car—Discretion to be used in forming acquaintances in traveling | 167 |
CHAPTER 15.
Learning to ride on horseback—The gentleman's duty as an escort in riding—How to assist a lady to mount—Riding with ladies—Assisting a lady to alight from a horse—Driving—The seat of honor in a carriage—Trusting the driver | 174 |
CHAPTER 16.
Proper conduct of gentlemen and ladies toward each other—Premature declaration of love—Love at first sight—Proper manner of courtship—Parents should exercise authority over daughters—An acceptable suitor—Requirements for a happy marriage—Proposals of marriage—A gentleman should not press an unwelcome suit—A lady's refusal—A doubtful answer—Unladylike conduct toward a suitor—The rejected suitor—Asking consent of parents—Presents after engagement—Conduct and relations of the engaged couple—Lovers' quarrels—Breaking an engagement | 179 |
CHAPTER 17.
Choice of bridemaids and groomsmen or ushers—The bridal costume Costumes of bridegroom and ushers—Presents of the bride and bridegroom—Ceremonials at church when there are no bride[Pg 9]maids or ushers—Invitations to the ceremony alone—The latest ceremonials—Weddings at home—The evening wedding—"At home" receptions—Calls—The wedding ring—Marriage ceremonials of a widow—Form of invitations to a reception—Duties of invited guests—Of bridemaids and ushers—Bridal presents—Master of ceremonies—Wedding fees—Congratulations—The bridal tour | 194 |
CHAPTER 18.
Home the woman's kingdom—Home companionship—Conduct of husband and wife—Duties of the wife to her husband—The wife a helpmate—The husband's duties | 208 |
CHAPTER 19.
First lessons learned at home—Parents should set good examples to their children—Courtesies in the home circle—Early moral training of children—The formation of their habits—Politeness at home—Train children for some occupation—Bad temper—Selfishness—Home maxims | 216 |
CHAPTER 20.
Cultivate moral courage—The pernicious influence of indolence—Self-respect—Result of good breeding at home—Fault-finding and grumbling—Family jars not to be made public—Conflicting interests—Religious education—Obedience—Influence of example—The influence of books | 225 |
CHAPTER 21.
Its importance—Train young women to some occupation—Education of girls too superficial—An education appropriate to each sex—Knowledge of the laws of health needed by women—Idleness the source of all misery—A spirit of independence—Health and life dependent upon a higher culture—Cultivation of the moral sense | 233 |
CHAPTER 22.
Letter writing is an indication of good breeding—Requirements for correct writing—Anonymous letters—Note paper to be used—Forms of letters and notes—Forms of addressing notes and letters—Forms of signature—Letters of introduction—When to be given—Notes of invitation and replies thereto—Acceptances and regrets—Formal invitations must be answered—Letters of friendship—Love letters—Business letters and correspondence—Form of letter requesting employment—Regarding the character of a servant—Forms for notes, drafts, bills and receipts | 242 |
CHAPTER 23.
Attention to the young in society—Gracefulness of carriage—Attitude, coughing, sneezing, etc.—Anecdotes, puns, etc.—A sweet and pure breath—Smoking—A good listener—Give precedence to others—Be moderate in speaking—Singing and playing in society—Receiving and making presents—Governing our moods—A lady driving with a gentleman—An invitation cannot be recalled—Avoid talking of personalities—Shun gossip and tale bearing—Removing the hat—Intruding on privacy—Politeness—Adapting yourself to others—Contradicting—A woman's good name—Expressing unfavorable opinions—Vulgarities—Miscellaneous rules governing conduct—Washington's maxims | 266 |
CHAPTER 24.
How and when they are celebrated—The paper, cotton and leather weddings—The wooden wedding—The tin wedding—The crystal wedding—The silver wedding—The golden wedding—The diamond wedding—Presents at anniversary weddings—Forms of invitations, etc. | 285 |
CHAPTER 25.
Naming the child—The christening—Godparents or sponsors—Presents from godparents—The ceremony—The breakfast—Christening gifts—The hero of the day—Fees | 291 |
CHAPTER 26.
Death notices and funeral invitations—Arrangement for the funeral—The house of mourning—Conducting the funeral services—The pall-bearers—Order of the procession—Floral and other decorations—Calls upon the bereaved family—Seclusion of the family | 296 |
CHAPTER 27.
Social duties required of the President and his family—Receptions at the White House—Order of official rank—Duties required of members of the cabinet and their families—How to address officials—The first to visit | 303 |
CHAPTER 28.
Foreign titles—Royalty—The nobility—The gentry—Esquires—Imperial rank—European titles—Presentation at the court of St. James—Those eligible and ineligible for presentation—Preliminaries—Presentation costumes | 308 |
CHAPTER 29.
The example of a merchant prince—Keep your temper—Honesty the best policy—Form good habits—Breaking an appointment—Prompt payment of bills, notes and drafts—General suggestions | 315 |
CHAPTER 30.
Requirements for dressing well—Perils of the love of dress to weak minds—Consistency in dress—Extravagance—Indifference to dress—Appropriate dress—The wearing of gloves—Evening or full dress for gentlemen—Morning dress for gentlemen—Evening or full dress for ladies—Ball dresses—The full dinner dress—For receiving and making morning calls—Morning dress for street—Carriage dress—Promenade dress and walking suit—Opera dress—The riding dress—For women of business—Ordinary [Pg 12]evening dress—For a social party—Dress for the theater, lecture and concert—Archery, croquet and skating costumes—Bathing dress—For traveling—The bridal costume—Dress of bridemaids—At wedding receptions—Mourning dress—How long mourning should be worn | 320 |
CHAPTER 31.
The proper arrangement of colors—The colors adapted to different persons—Material for dress—Size in relation to color and dress—A list of colors that harmonize | 341 |
CHAPTER 32.
Importance of neatness and cleanliness—Perfumes—The bath—The teeth and their care—The skin—The eyes, eyelashes and brows—The hair and beard—The hands and feet | 351 |
CHAPTER 33.
To remove freckles, pimples and sunburn—To beautify the complexion—To prevent the hair falling out—Pomades and hair oils—Sea foam or dry shampoo—To prevent the hair turning gray—To soften the skin—To cleanse the teeth—Remedy for chapped hands—For corns and chilblains, etc. | 372 |
CHAPTER 34.
Archery and its practice—Lawn Tennis—Boating—Picnics—Private Theatricals—Card playing | 398 |
CHAPTER 35.
LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS, | 410 |
CHAPTER 36.
PRECIOUS STONES, | 423 |
CHAPTER I.
Introductory.
"Ingenious Art with her expressive face, |
"Take steps to shape and improve the race."—Cowper. |

KNOWLEDGE of etiquette has been defined to be a knowledge of the rules of society at its best. These rules have been the outgrowth of centuries of civilization, had their foundation in friendship and love of man for his fellow man—the vital principles of Christianity—and are most powerful agents for promoting peace, harmony and good will among all people who are enjoying the blessings of more advanced civilized government. In all civilized countries the influence of the best society is of great importance to the welfare and prosperity of the nation, but in no country is the good influence of the most refined society more powerfully felt than in our own, "the land of the future, where mankind may plant, essay, and resolve all social problems." These rules make social intercourse more agreeable, and facilitate hospitalities, when all [Pg 14]members of society hold them as binding rules and faithfully regard their observance. They are to society what our laws are to the people as a political body, and to disregard them will give rise to constant misunderstandings, engender ill-will, and beget bad morals and bad manners.
Says an eminent English writer: "On manners, refinement, rules of good breeding, and even the forms of etiquette, we are forever talking, judging our neighbors severely by the breach of traditionary and unwritten laws, and choosing our society and even our friends by the touchstone of courtesy." The Marchioness de Lambert expressed opinions which will be endorsed by the best bred people everywhere when she wrote to her son: "Nothing is more shameful than a voluntary rudeness. Men have found it necessary as well as agreeable to unite for the common good; they have made laws to restrain the wicked; they have agreed among themselves as to the duties of society, and have annexed an honorable character to the practice of those duties. He is the honest man who observes them with the most exactness, and the instances of them multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a person's honor."
An esteemed English writer states: "We constantly discuss manners, refinement, rules of good behavior, and even etiquette, harshly judging our neighbors for any breaches of traditional and unwritten laws, and we select our social circles and friends based on a standard of courtesy." The Marchioness de Lambert shared thoughts that will resonate with well-mannered individuals everywhere when she wrote to her son: "There’s nothing more shameful than being rude on purpose. People have found it essential and beneficial to come together for the common good; they’ve established laws to keep the wicked in check; they’ve agreed on the responsibilities of society, and they’ve associated a respectable character with fulfilling those responsibilities. The honest person is the one who follows them most closely, and the examples of such behavior increase with the level of a person's honor."
Originally a gentleman was defined to be one who, without any title of nobility, wore a coat of arms. And the descendants of many of the early colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the mother country. Although despising [Pg 15]titles and ignoring the rights of kings, they still clung to the "grand old name of gentleman." But race is no longer the only requisite for a gentleman, nor will race united with learning and wealth make a man a gentleman, unless there are present the kind and gentle qualities of the heart, which find expression in the principles of the Golden Rule. Nor will race, education and wealth combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement and consideration of the feelings of others.
Originally, a gentleman was defined as someone who, without any noble title, wore a coat of arms. Many descendants of the early colonists take great pride in the old family crests that their ancestors brought from their homeland. While they looked down on titles and disregarded the rights of kings, they still held on to the "grand old name of gentleman." However, race is no longer the only requirement for being a gentleman, nor can race combined with education and wealth turn a man into a gentleman unless he also possesses the kind and gentle qualities of the heart, as reflected in the principles of the Golden Rule. Similarly, race, education, and wealth won’t make a woman a true lady if she lacks refinement and consideration for the feelings of others.
Good manners are only acquired by education and observation, followed up by habitual practice at home and in society, and good manners reveal to us the lady and the gentleman. He who does not possess them, though he bear the highest title of nobility, cannot expect to be called a gentleman; nor can a woman, without good manners, aspire to be considered a lady by ladies. Manners and morals are indissolubly allied, and no society can be good where they are bad. It is the duty of American women to exercise their influence to form so high a standard of morals and manners that the tendency of society will be continually upwards, seeking to make it the best society of any nation.
Good manners are learned through education and observation, followed by regular practice at home and in social settings, and good manners reveal who a lady and a gentleman are. A person who lacks them, even if they hold the highest noble title, cannot expect to be called a gentleman; nor can a woman without good manners hope to be seen as a lady by other women. Manners and morals are closely connected, and no society can be good if they are lacking. It is the responsibility of American women to use their influence to establish such a high standard of morals and manners that society continually strives to improve, aiming to make it the best society of any nation.
As culture is the first requirement of good society, so self-improvement should be the aim of each and all of its members. Manners will improve with the cultivation of the mind, until the pleasure and harmony of social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of discordant elements, and they only will be excluded from the best society whose lack of education [Pg 16]and whose rude manners will totally unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation. Good manners are even more essential to harmony in society than a good education, and may be considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form.
As culture is essential for a good society, self-improvement should be the goal for everyone in it. Our manners will get better with the growth of our minds, and soon the enjoyment and harmony of social interactions won’t be disrupted by unpleasant elements. Those who are uneducated and have poor manners will be excluded from the best social circles because they won't be able to appreciate or enjoy them. Good manners are even more important for harmony in society than a good education and can be just as valuable as any type of knowledge.
The principles of the Golden Rule, "whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them," is the basis of all true politeness—principles which teach us to forget ourselves, to be kind to our neighbors, and to be civil even to our enemies. The appearance of so being and doing is what society demands as good manners, and the man or woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well-bred. The people, thus trained, are easy to get along with, for they are as quick to make an apology when they have been at fault, as they are to accept one when it is made. "The noble-hearted only understand the noble-hearted."
The principles of the Golden Rule, "treat others the way you want to be treated," form the foundation of all true politeness—principles that encourage us to think of others, be kind to our neighbors, and remain respectful even towards our enemies. Society expects us to act this way as a sign of good manners, and those who live by these values are seen as well-mannered. People raised with this mindset are easy to get along with, as they are quick to apologize when they are wrong, just as they are to accept an apology when it's given. "Only those with a noble heart understand others with a noble heart."
In a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtfulness of ignorance, or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding, the iron rule, "Do unto others, as they do unto you," is more often put into practice than the golden one. The savages know nothing of the virtues of forgiveness, and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in spirit; so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended to promote the general interests of society, and to carry out the injunction of the Scriptures to strive after the things that make for peace.
In a society where most people are rude because of ignorance or careless due to poor upbringing, the harsh rule, "Treat others how they treat you," is followed more than the kinder one. Those who are uncivilized don't understand the value of forgiveness and see people who don’t seek revenge as weak; similarly, the rude don’t grasp the idea of kindness shown without reason, which aims to benefit society as a whole and aligns with the biblical call to pursue what brings peace.
Society is divided into sets, according to their breed[Pg 17]ing. One set may be said to have no breeding at all, another to have a little, another more, and another enough; and between the first and last of these, there are more shades than in the rainbow. Good manners are the same in essence everywhere—at courts, in fashionable society, in literary circles, in domestic life—they never change, but social observances, customs and points of etiquette, vary with the age and with the people.
Society is divided into groups based on their background[Pg 17]. Some groups can be seen as having no background at all, some have a little, others have more, and a few have plenty; and between the first and the last, there are more variations than in a rainbow. Good manners are fundamentally the same everywhere—at courts, in trendy circles, in literary groups, in everyday life—they never change, but social practices, traditions, and rules of etiquette shift with time and different communities.
A French writer has said: "To be truly polite, it is necessary to be, at the same time, good, just, and generous. True politeness is the outward visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty, unselfishness and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his life is pure; his thoughts are right, because his actions are upright; his bearing is gentle, because his feelings, his impulses, and his training are gentle also. A gentleman is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He avoids homage, instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no attraction for him. He seeks not to say any civil things, but to do them. His hospitality, though hearty and sincere, will be strictly regulated by his means. His friends will be chosen for their good qualities and good manners; his servants for their truthfulness and honesty; his occupations for their usefulness, their gracefulness or their elevating tendencies, whether moral, mental or political."
A French writer once said: "To be genuinely polite, you need to be good, fair, and generous at the same time. True politeness is the outward reflection of those inner spiritual qualities known as modesty, selflessness, and generosity. A gentleman's manners reflect his character. His speech is pure because his life is clean; his thoughts are right because his actions are honorable; his demeanor is kind because his feelings, impulses, and upbringing are gentle as well. A gentleman is completely free of any kind of pretense. He doesn’t demand respect; instead, he avoids it. Superficial ceremonies don’t interest him. He aims not just to say polite things, but to actually do them. His hospitality, while warm and sincere, will be carefully managed according to his resources. He chooses his friends for their good qualities and manners; his servants for their honesty and integrity; and his activities for their usefulness, gracefulness, or uplifting nature, whether moral, intellectual, or political."
In the same general tone does Ruskin describe a gentleman, when he says: "A gentleman's first char[Pg 18]acteristic is that fineness of structure in the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate sympathies—one may say, simply, 'fineness of nature.' This is, of course, compatible with the heroic bodily strength and mental firmness; in fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy. Elephantine strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no touch of the boughs, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have felt a bent rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and behave itself like iron. I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar animal; but if you think about him carefully, you will find that his non-vulgarity consists in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine nature—not in his insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot, but in the way he will lift his foot if a child lies in his way, and in his sensitive trunk and still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on points of honor. Hence it will follow that one of the probable signs of high breeding in men generally, will be their kindness and mercifulness, these always indicating more or less firmness of make in the mind."
In a similar style, Ruskin describes a gentleman when he says: "A gentleman's first characteristic is the fine structure of the body that allows for the most delicate sensations, along with the fine structure of the mind that enables the most delicate sympathies—one could simply say, 'fineness of nature.' This can definitely coexist with heroic physical strength and mental resilience; in fact, you can't imagine heroic strength without such delicacy. An elephant's strength can push through a forest without feeling the branches, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would feel even a bent rose leaf, yet would control its feelings in the heat of battle and act with the toughness of iron. I don't mean to suggest that an elephant is a crass animal; however, if you reflect on it, you'll realize that its nobility lies in the gentleness possible within its nature—not in its thick skin or heavy foot, but in how it carefully lifts its foot if a child is in its path, and in its sensitive trunk and even more sensitive mind, capable of being offended over matters of honor. Thus, one of the likely signs of high breeding in men is their kindness and compassion, which always indicate a level of mental strength."
Can any one fancy what our society might be, if all its members were perfect gentlemen and true ladies, if all the inhabitants of the earth were kind-hearted; if, instead of contending with the faults of our fellows we were each to wage war against our own faults? Every one needs to guard constantly against the evil from [Pg 19]within as well as from without, for as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his own heart."
Can anyone imagine what our society could be like if everyone was a perfect gentleman or a true lady, if everyone on earth was kind-hearted? Instead of focusing on the flaws of others, what if we each worked on our own flaws? Everyone has to be on guard constantly against the evil from [Pg 19]within and outside, because as it’s often said, "a person's biggest enemy lives in their own heart."
A recent English writer says: "Etiquette may be defined as the minor morality of life. No observances, however minute, that tend to spare the feelings of others, can be classed under the head of trivialities; and politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will oil the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents supplied by mere wealth and station." While the social observances, customs and rules which have grown up are numerous, and some perhaps considered trivial, they are all grounded upon principles of kindness to one another, and spring from the impulses of a good heart and from friendly feelings. The truly polite man acts from the highest and noblest ideas of what is right.
A contemporary English writer puts it this way: "Etiquette can be defined as the small-scale morality of life. No matter how minor, any actions that help protect the feelings of others shouldn’t be seen as trivial; and politeness, which is just another way of saying general friendliness, smooths out the rough patches of life more effectively than any of those luxuries offered by wealth and status." While the social customs, traditions, and guidelines that have developed over time are numerous, and some may seem insignificant, they are all rooted in principles of kindness and arise from genuine care and good intentions. A truly polite person acts based on the highest and noblest ideas of what is right.
Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be "the result of much good sense, some good nature and a little self-denial for the sake of others, and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them." Again he says: "Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general, but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are established only by custom."
Lord Chesterfield said that good manners come from "a lot of common sense, a bit of kindness, and a touch of self-restraint for the benefit of others, hoping to receive the same kindness in return." He also mentioned: "Common sense and kindness generally point to politeness, but true good manners include countless little nuances that are shaped solely by tradition."

CHAPTER II.
Our Manners.

O one quality of the mind and heart is more important as an element conducive to worldly success than civility—that feeling of kindness and love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners. Yet how many of our young men, with an affected contempt for the forms and conventionalities of life, assume to despise those delicate attentions, that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner, that mark the true gentleman.
History repeats, over and over again, examples showing that it is the bearing of a man toward his fellow-men which, more than any other one quality of his nature, promotes or retards his advancement in life. The success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address and manner of the man. Though there are a few people who can look beyond the rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities [Pg 21]hidden within, yet the vast majority, not so keen-visaged nor tolerant, judge a person by his appearance and demeanor, more than by his substantial character. Experience of every day life teaches us, if we would but learn, that civility is not only one of the essentials of high success, but that it is almost a fortune of itself, and that he who has this quality in perfection, though a blockhead, is almost sure to succeed where, without it, even men of good ability fail.
History keeps repeating itself, showing us that a person's attitude toward others is what really influences their progress in life, more than any other trait. The success or failure of someone's plans often depends on how they present themselves and interact with others. While a few individuals can see past someone's rough exterior to recognize their true qualities, most people—who aren't as perceptive or forgiving—tend to judge others based on their looks and behavior rather than their true character. Daily life teaches us, if we're open to the lesson, that being polite is essential for achieving great success and can almost be a fortune in itself. A person who masters this quality, even if they're not the brightest, is likely to succeed where capable individuals might fail without it.
A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers. Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes, while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness are met with locked doors and closed hearts. Emerson says: "Give a boy address and accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and fortunes wherever he goes; he has not the trouble of earning or owning them; they solicit him to enter and possess."
Good manners are the best recommendation when meeting new people. Politeness, elegance, and kindness open doors to hearts and homes, while clumsiness, rudeness, and harshness are met with closed doors and guarded feelings. Emerson says, "Give a boy charm and skills, and you'll provide him access to wealth and opportunities wherever he goes; he doesn't have to work for or own them; they invite him to step in and claim them."
In every class of life, in all professions and occupations, good manners are necessary to success. The business man has no stock-in-trade that pays him better than a good address. If the retail dealer wears his hat on his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him, if he does not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them, if he seats himself in their presence, if he smokes a pipe or cigar, or has a chew of tobacco in his mouth, while talking with them, or is guilty of any of the small incivilities of life, they will not be apt to make his shop a rendezvous, no matter how attractive the goods he displays.[Pg 22]
In every social class and in all kinds of jobs, good manners are crucial for success. A businessperson has no asset that benefits them more than a courteous demeanor. If a retailer keeps his hat on in front of female customers, fails to open the heavy door of his store for them, sits down while they are standing, smokes a pipe or cigar, or has chewing tobacco in his mouth while conversing with them, or commits any of the small rudenesses of daily life, they are unlikely to make his store their go-to place, no matter how appealing the products he offers are.[Pg 22]
A telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his hearers, and makes them feel both that he has something to say, and that he can say it, by his manner. The successful medical man inspires in his patients belief in his sympathy, and confidence in his skill, by his manner. The lawyer, in pleading a case before a jury, and remembering that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great an extent as pure reason, must not be forgetful of his manner, if he would bring them to his own way of thinking. And how often does the motto, "Manners make the man," govern both parties in matters of courtship, the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a true nobility of the soul, and the gentleman preferring her who displays in her manner a gentleness of spirit.
A skilled preacher in his opening remarks wins the goodwill of his audience and makes them feel that he has something important to share and that he can express it well, thanks to his demeanor. A successful doctor instills belief in his patients regarding his compassion and confidence in his abilities through his approach. A lawyer, when arguing a case before a jury, must keep in mind that the emotions and biases of the jurors influence them just as much as logic does, so he should be mindful of his manner if he wants to persuade them. And how often does the saying, "Manners make the man," play a role in courtship, with the woman favoring the man whose manners reflect true nobility, and the man attracted to the woman who shows kindness in her behavior.
A rude person, though well meaning, is avoided by all. Manners, in fact, are minor morals; and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad person. The manner in which a person says or does a thing, furnishes a better index of his character than what he does or says, for it is by the incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings, by his looks, tones and gestures, rather than by his words and deeds, that we prefer to judge him, for the reason that the former are involuntary. The manner in which a favor is granted or a kindness done, often affects us more than the deed itself. The deed may have been prompted by vanity, pride, or some selfish motive or interest; the warmth or coldness [Pg 23]with which the person who has done it speaks to you, or grasps your hand, is less likely to deceive. The manner of doing any thing, it has been truly said, is that which stamps its life and character on any action. A favor may be performed so grudgingly as to prevent any feeling of obligation, or it may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings than if it had been ungraciously granted.
A rude person, even if they mean well, is avoided by everyone. Manners are actually small morals, and people often think a rude person is a bad person. How someone says or does something reveals more about their character than what they actually say or do. We tend to judge them based on the unintentional expressions of their thoughts and feelings—through their looks, tones, and gestures—rather than their words and actions, because the former are more natural. The way a favor is given or kindness is shown often affects us more than the actual act itself. The deed might be motivated by vanity, pride, or some selfish interest, but the warmth or coldness [Pg 23] with which the person speaks to you or shakes your hand is less likely to mislead. It has been said that the way something is done gives it life and character. A favor might be done so reluctantly that it creates no sense of obligation, or it could be declined so politely that it inspires more positive feelings than if it were granted in a rude manner.
Politeness is benevolence in small things. A true gentleman must regard the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial. He respects the individuality of others, just as he wishes others to respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive, putting on no airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, or wiser, or richer than any one about him. He never boasts of his achievements, or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what he has done. He is distinguished, above all things, by his deep insight and sympathy, his quick perception of, and prompt attention to, those small and apparently insignificant things that may cause pleasure or pain to others. In giving his opinions he does not dogmatize; he listens patiently and respectfully to other men, and, if compelled to dissent from their opinions, acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own views in such a manner as to command the respect of all who hear him. Frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with [Pg 24]his fellows, and, however high his station, the humblest man feels instantly at ease in his presence.
Politeness is kindness in little things. A true gentleman should consider the rights and feelings of others, even in the smallest matters. He respects the individuality of others, just like he wants his own individuality to be respected. In social settings, he is calm, easy-going, and unobtrusive, not putting on airs or suggesting in any way that he thinks he is better, smarter, or richer than anyone around him. He never brags about his accomplishments or seeks compliments by pretending to downplay what he has done. He stands out, above all, for his deep understanding and empathy, his quick ability to notice and respond to the small and seemingly trivial things that can bring joy or sadness to others. When sharing his opinions, he doesn’t come off as authoritative; he listens patiently and respectfully to others and, when he has to disagree, he admits he could be wrong and presents his views in a way that earns the respect of everyone listening. Openness and friendliness characterize all his interactions with [Pg 24]his peers, and no matter how high his social position, even the most humble person feels comfortable around him.
Calvert says: "Ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by culture;" giving as two requisites for the highest breeding, transmitted qualities and the culture of good training. He continues: "Of the higher type of ladyhood may always be said what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth Hastings, 'that unaffected freedom and conscious innocence gave her the attendance of the graces in all her actions.' At its highest, ladyhood implies a spirituality made manifest in poetic grace. From the lady there exhales a subtle magnetism. Unconsciously she encircles herself with an atmosphere of unruffled strength, which, to those who come into it, gives confidence and repose. Within her influence the diffident grow self-possessed, the impudent are checked, the inconsiderate are admonished; even the rude are constrained to be mannerly, and the refined are perfected; all spelled, unawares, by the flexible dignity, the commanding gentleness, the thorough womanliness of her look, speech and demeanor. A sway is this, purely spiritual. Every sway, every legitimate, every enduring sway is spiritual; a regnancy of light over obscurity, of right over brutality. The only real gains ever made are spiritual gains—a further subjection of the gross to the incorporeal, of body to soul, of the animal to the human. The finest and most characteristic acts of a lady involve a spiritual ascension, a [Pg 25]growing out of herself. In her being and bearing, patience, generosity, benignity are the graces that give shape to the virtues of truthfulness."
Calvert says, "Being a lady comes from the heart refined by culture," noting that the highest form of ladylike behavior requires inherent qualities and proper training. He goes on to say, "About the higher type of ladyhood, you can always reference what Steele said of Lady Elizabeth Hastings: 'her natural ease and innocent awareness brought grace to everything she did.' At its best, being a lady reflects a spirituality expressed through poetic elegance. She exudes a subtle magnetism. Unintentionally, she surrounds herself with an aura of steady strength, which instills confidence and peace in those around her. Under her influence, the shy become self-assured, the bold are tempered, the thoughtless are nudged towards consideration; even the rude are encouraged to behave respectfully, while the refined become even more polished—all influenced, without realizing it, by the flexible dignity, commanding kindness, and true femininity reflected in her appearance, speech, and behavior. This influence is purely spiritual. Every influence, every rightful, lasting influence is spiritual; it’s a reign of light over darkness, of right over wrongdoing. The only real achievements are spiritual ones—a deeper mastery of the physical by the intangible, of the body by the soul, of the animal by the human. The most refined and defining actions of a lady involve a spiritual growth, a [Pg 25]emerging from within herself. In her presence and conduct, patience, generosity, and kindness are the qualities that shape her virtuous nature."
Here is the test of true ladyhood. Whenever the young find themselves in the company of those who do not make them feel at ease, they should know that they are not in the society of true ladies and true gentlemen, but of pretenders; that well-bred men and women can only feel at home in the society of the well-bred.
Here is the test of true ladyhood. Whenever young people find themselves with those who don't make them feel comfortable, they should realize that they are not in the company of true ladies and gentlemen, but of imposters; that well-mannered men and women can only feel at home among the well-mannered.
Some people are wont to depreciate these kind and tender qualities as trifles; but trifles, it must be remembered, make up the aggregate of human life. The petty incivilities, slight rudenesses and neglects of which men are guilty, without thought, or from lack of foresight or sympathy, are often remembered, while the great acts performed by the same persons are often forgotten. There is no society where smiles, pleasant looks and animal spirits are not welcomed and deemed of more importance than sallies of wit, or refinements of understanding. The little civilities, which form the small change of life may appear separately of little moment, but, like the spare pennies which amount to such large fortunes in a lifetime, they owe their importance to repetition and accumulation.
Some people tend to downplay these kind and gentle qualities as insignificant; but it's important to remember that small things make up the whole of human life. The minor discourtesies, small rudenesses, and neglects that people commit, often without thinking or due to a lack of foresight or empathy, tend to be remembered, while the significant acts done by the same individuals are frequently forgotten. In every community, smiles, friendly expressions, and positive energy are not only welcomed but are valued more than clever remarks or deep insights. The little acts of kindness that make up the daily fabric of life may seem individually minor, but like the small coins that can accumulate into large fortunes over a lifetime, their significance comes from their frequency and accumulation.
The man who succeeds in any calling in life is almost invariably he who has shown a willingness to please and to be pleased, who has responded heartily to the advan[Pg 26]ces of others, through nature and habit, while his rival has sniffed and frowned and snubbed away every helping hand. "The charming manners of the Duke of Marlborough," it is said, "often changed an enemy to a friend, and to be denied a favor by him was more pleasing than to receive one from another. It was these personal graces that made him both rich and great. His address was so exquisitely fascinating as to dissolve fierce jealousies and animosities, lull suspicion and beguile the subtlest diplomacy of its arts. His fascinating smile and winning tongue, equally with his sharp sword, swayed the destinies of empires." The gracious manners of Charles James Fox preserved him from personal dislike, even when he had gambled away his last shilling, and politically, was the most unpopular man in England.
The man who succeeds in any profession is usually the one who is willing to please and be pleased, who happily responds to the advances of others, by nature and habit, while his rival constantly sniffs, frowns, and rejects every helping hand. "The charming manners of the Duke of Marlborough," it’s said, "often turned an enemy into a friend, and being denied a favor by him was more satisfying than receiving one from someone else. It was these personal qualities that made him both wealthy and great. His charisma was so captivating that it could diffuse intense jealousy and animosity, calm suspicion, and outmaneuver the most skillful diplomacy. His charming smile and persuasive speech, along with his sharp sword, shaped the fates of empires." The gracious manners of Charles James Fox kept him from being personally disliked, even when he had lost his last penny and was the most unpopular man in England politically.
A charming manner not only enhances personal beauty, but even hides ugliness and makes plainness agreeable. An ill-favored countenance is not necessarily a stumbling-block, at the outset, to its owner, which cannot be surmounted, for who does not know how much a happy manner often does to neutralize the ill effects of forbidding looks? The fascination of the demagogue Wilkes's manner triumphed over both physical and moral deformity, rendering even his ugliness agreeable; and he boasted to Lord Townsend, one of the handsomest men in Great Britain, that "with half an hour's start he would get ahead of his lordship in the [Pg 27]affections of any woman in the kingdom." The ugliest Frenchman, perhaps, that ever lived was Mirabeau; yet such was the witchery of his manner, that the belt of no gay Lothario was hung with a greater number of bleeding female hearts than this "thunderer of the tribune," whose looks were so hideous that he was compared to a tiger pitted with the small-pox.
A charming personality not only enhances personal beauty but can also conceal unattractiveness and make plainness appealing. An unappealing face isn't necessarily a major obstacle for its owner, as it's well-known how much a cheerful demeanor can often counteract the negative effects of uninviting appearances. The charm of the demagogue Wilkes's personality overcame both physical and moral shortcomings, making even his ugliness seem attractive; he even bragged to Lord Townsend, one of the most handsome men in Great Britain, that "with half an hour's head start, he could win the affections of any woman in the kingdom" over his lordship. The ugliest Frenchman, perhaps, ever was Mirabeau; yet his captivating manner drew more "bleeding hearts" than any dashing lover, making him the "thunderer of the tribune," whose appearance was so dreadful that he was compared to a tiger with smallpox.
Pleasing manners have made the fortunes of men in all professions and in every walk of life—of lawyers, doctors, clergymen, merchants, clerks and mechanics—and instances of this are so numerous that they may be recalled by almost any person. The politician who has the advantage of a courteous, graceful and pleasing manner finds himself an easy winner in the race with rival candidates, for every voter with whom he speaks becomes instantly his friend. Civility is to a man what beauty is to a woman. It creates an instantaneous impression in his behalf, while gruffness or coarseness excites as quick a prejudice against him. It is an ornament, worth more as a means of winning favor than the finest clothes and jewels ever worn. Lord Chesterfield said the art of pleasing is, in truth, the art of rising, of distinguishing one's self, of making a figure and a fortune in the world. Some years ago a drygoods salesman in a London shop had acquired such a reputation for courtesy and exhaustless patience, that it was said to be impossible to provoke from him any expression of irritability, or the smallest symptom of vexation. A lady of rank learning [Pg 28]of his wonderful equanimity, determined to put it to the test by all the annoyances with which a veteran shop-visitor knows how to tease a shopman. She failed in her attempt to vex or irritate him, and thereupon set him up in business. He rose to eminence in trade, and the main spring of his later, as of his earlier career, was politeness. Hundreds of men, like this salesman, have owed their start in life wholly to their pleasing address and manners.
Pleasing manners have made fortunes for people in every profession and walk of life—lawyers, doctors, clergy, merchants, clerks, and mechanics. There are so many examples of this that almost anyone can recall them. A politician with a courteous, graceful, and charming manner easily outshines rival candidates because every voter he talks to instantly becomes his friend. Civility is to a man what beauty is to a woman. It creates an immediate positive impression, while rudeness or harshness quickly turns people against him. It's an accessory that’s worth more for winning favor than the finest clothes and jewelry ever worn. Lord Chesterfield said the art of pleasing is really the art of advancing, of distinguishing oneself, of making a name and a fortune in the world. A few years ago, a dry goods salesman in a London shop became so well-known for his courtesy and endless patience that it was said no one could provoke even the slightest irritation from him. A woman of high social standing, learning about his remarkable calmness, decided to test him by trying every annoyance a seasoned shopper knows how to throw at a salesperson. She failed to irritate him and eventually helped him start his own business. He became very successful in trade, and the driving force behind both his past and future success was his politeness. Hundreds of men, like this salesman, have owed their success entirely to their charming demeanor and manners.
The cultivation of pleasing, affable manners should be an important part of the education of every person of whatever calling or station in life. Many people think that if they have only the substance, the form is of little consequence. But manners are a compound of spirit and form—spirit acted into form. The first law of good manners, which epitomizes all the rest is, "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." True courtesy is simply the application of this golden rule to all our social conduct, or, as it has been happily defined, "real kindness, kindly expressed." It may be met in the hut of the Arab, in the courtyard of the Turk, in the hovel of the freedman, and the cottage of the Irishman. Even Christian men sometimes fail in courtesy, deeming it a mark of weakness, or neglecting it from mere thoughtlessness. Yet when we find this added to the other virtues of the Christian, it will be noted that his influence for good upon others has been powerfully increased, for it was by this that he obtained access to the hearts of [Pg 29]others. An old English writer said reverently of our Saviour: "He was the first true gentleman that ever lived." The influence of many good men would be more than doubled if they could manage to be less stiff and more elastic. Gentleness in society, it has been truly said, "is like the silent influence of light which gives color to all nature; it is far more powerful than loudness or force, and far more fruitful. It pushes its way silently and persistently like the tiniest daffodil in spring, which raises the clod and thrusts it aside by the simple persistence of growing."
The development of friendly, approachable manners should be a key part of everyone's education, regardless of their job or social status. Many people believe that having substance is enough and that style doesn't matter much. However, manners are a blend of attitude and expression—an attitude brought to life. The main principle of good manners, which sums up everything else, is, "Love your neighbor as yourself." True courtesy is just applying this golden rule to our social interactions, or as it’s been nicely put, "real kindness, expressed kindly." You can find it in the home of an Arab, in the courtyard of a Turk, in the dwelling of a freedman, and the cottage of an Irishman. Even good Christians sometimes fall short in courtesy, thinking it shows weakness or simply forgetting about it due to carelessness. But when this is combined with other Christian virtues, it’s clear that a person's positive influence on others dramatically increases, because it’s how they gain access to the hearts of [Pg 29]others. An old English writer once said reverently of our Savior: "He was the first true gentleman who ever lived." The influence of many good people could more than double if they could be less rigid and more flexible. It has been said that gentleness in society "is like the quiet influence of light that adds color to all nature; it is much more powerful than loudness or force and far more productive. It moves quietly and consistently like the smallest daffodil in spring, which pushes aside the earth simply by persevering in its growth."
Politeness is kindness of manner. This is the outgrowth of kindness of heart, of nobleness, and of courage. But in some persons we find an abundance of courage, nobleness and kindness of heart, without kindness of manner, and we can only think and speak of them as not only impolite, but even rude and gruff. Such a man was Dr. Johnson, whose rudeness secured for him the nickname of Ursa Major, and of whom Goldsmith truthfully remarked, "No man alive has a more tender heart; he has nothing of the bear about him but his skin." To acquire that ease and grace of manners which is possessed by and which distinguishes every well-bred person, one must think of others rather than of himself, and study to please them even at his own inconvenience. "Do unto others as you would that others should do unto you"—the golden rule of life—is also the law of politeness, and such politeness [Pg 30]implies self-sacrifice, many struggles and conflicts. It is an art and tact, rather than an instinct and inspiration. An eminent divine has said: "A noble and attractive every-day bearing comes of goodness, of sincerity, of refinement. And these are bred in years, not moments. The principle that rules our life is the sure posture-master. Sir Philip Sidney was the pattern to all England of a perfect gentleman; but then he was the hero that, on the field of Zutphen, pushed away the cup of cold water from his own fevered and parched lips, and held it out to the dying soldier at his side." A Christian by the very conditions of his creed, and the obligations of his faith is, of necessity, in mind and soul—and therefore in word and act—a gentleman, but a man may be polite without being a Christian.
Politeness is a kindness in how we interact. It comes from a kind heart, nobility, and courage. However, some people may have plenty of courage, nobility, and kindness in their hearts, yet lack kindness in how they behave, making them seem not just impolite but even rude and gruff. Dr. Johnson was such a person, known for his rudeness, which earned him the nickname Ursa Major. Goldsmith aptly noted, "No man alive has a more tender heart; he has nothing of the bear about him but his skin." To develop the ease and grace of manners that every well-bred individual possesses, one must think of others instead of themselves, and strive to please them even if it means personal inconvenience. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"—the golden rule of life—also serves as the principle of politeness, which involves self-sacrifice, numerous struggles, and conflicts. It's more of an art and skill than just instinct and inspiration. An esteemed theologian stated: "A noble and appealing everyday demeanor is rooted in goodness, sincerity, and refinement. These are cultivated over years, not moments. The guiding principle of our lives shapes our overall demeanor. Sir Philip Sidney was considered a perfect gentleman across England, but he was also the hero who, on the battlefield of Zutphen, pushed aside the cup of cold water from his own thirsty lips to offer it to a dying soldier next to him." A Christian, by the fundamental tenets of their faith, is inherently a gentleman in mind and spirit—and thus in word and action—but a person can still be polite without being a Christian.

CHAPTER III.
Introductions.

N acquaintanceship or friendship usually begins by means of introductions, though it is by no means uncommon that when it has taken place under other circumstances—without introduction—it has been a great advantage to both parties; nor can it be said that it is improper to begin an acquaintance in this way. The formal introduction has been called the highway to the beginning of friendship, and the "scraped" acquaintance the by-path.
There is a large class of people who introduce friends and acquaintances to everybody they meet, whether at home or abroad, while walking or riding out. Such promiscuous introductions are neither necessary, desirable, nor at all times agreeable.
There’s a big group of people who introduce their friends and acquaintances to everyone they meet, whether at home or traveling, while walking or driving around. These random introductions aren’t really needed, wanted, or always pleasant.
It is to be remembered that an introduction is regarded as a social endorsement of the person intro[Pg 32]duced, and that, under certain circumstances, it would be wrong to introduce to our friends casual acquaintances, of whom we know nothing, and who may afterwards prove to be anything but desirable persons to know. Care should be taken, therefore, in introducing two individuals, that the introduction be mutually agreeable. Whenever it is practicable, it is best to settle the point by inquiring beforehand. When this is inexpedient from any cause, a thorough acquaintance with both parties will warrant the introducer to judge of the point for him or herself.
It's important to remember that an introduction is seen as a social endorsement of the person being introduced, and in certain situations, it would be inappropriate to introduce casual acquaintances to our friends if we don't know anything about them, as they could turn out to be undesirable people to associate with. Therefore, care should be taken when introducing two individuals to ensure that the introduction is agreeable to both. Whenever possible, it's best to check in beforehand. If that's not feasible for any reason, having a good understanding of both parties will allow the person making the introduction to make a sound judgment.
While the habit of universal introductions is a bad one, there are many men in cities and villages who are not at all particular whom they introduce to each other. As a general rule, a man should be as careful about the character of the person he introduces to his friends, as he is of him whose notes he would endorse.
While the practice of making universal introductions is a poor one, there are many people in cities and towns who are quite careless about whom they introduce to one another. Generally, a person should be just as cautious about the character of the individual they introduce to their friends as they are about someone whose checks they would endorse.
A gentleman should not be introduced to a lady, unless her permission has been previously obtained, and no one should ever be introduced into the house of a friend, except permission is first granted. Such introductions, however, are frequent, but they are improper, for a person cannot know that an introduction of this kind will be agreeable. If a person asks you to introduce him to another, or a gentleman asks to be introduced to a lady, and you find the introduction would [Pg 33]not be agreeable to the other party, you may decline on the grounds that you are not sufficiently intimate to take that liberty.
A gentleman shouldn't be introduced to a lady unless he has her permission first, and no one should be introduced into a friend's home without prior approval. Such introductions happen often, but they're inappropriate because you can't know for sure that the introduction will be welcome. If someone asks you to introduce them to another person, or if a gentleman wants to be introduced to a lady, and you think the introduction wouldn't be agreeable to the other person, you can decline by saying you’re not close enough to take that liberty.
When a gentleman is introduced to a lady, both bow slightly, and the gentleman opens conversation. It is the place of the one who is introduced to make the first remark.
When a man is introduced to a woman, both nod slightly, and the man starts the conversation. It's the responsibility of the person being introduced to make the first comment.
It is not strictly necessary that acquaintanceship should wait a formal introduction. Persons meeting at the house of a common friend may consider that fact a sufficient warrant for the preliminaries of acquaintanceship, if there appears to be a mutual inclination toward such acquaintanceship. The presence of a person in a friend's house is a sufficient guaranty for his or her respectability. Gentlemen and ladies may form acquaintances in traveling, on a steamboat, in a railway car, or a stage-coach, without the formality of an introduction. Such acquaintanceship should be conducted with a certain amount of reserve, and need not be prolonged beyond the time of casual meeting. The slightest approach to disrespect or familiarity should be checked by dignified silence. A young lady, however, is not accorded the same privilege of forming acquaintances as is a married or elderly lady, and should be careful about doing so.
It’s not always necessary for acquaintances to wait for a formal introduction. People meeting at a mutual friend's house might see that as a good reason to start getting to know each other, especially if there seems to be a shared interest. Just being at a friend’s place is enough to assume someone is respectable. Men and women can meet and get acquainted while traveling, whether on a boat, train, or coach, without needing an introduction. However, these acquaintances should be handled with a bit of caution and shouldn’t last longer than the brief encounter. Any hint of disrespect or over-familiarity should be met with a dignified silence. A young woman, though, doesn’t have the same freedom to make acquaintances as a married or older woman does, so she should be careful about it.
It is the part of the host and hostess at a ball to introduce their guests, though guests may, with perfect [Pg 34]propriety, introduce each other, or, as already intimated, may converse with one another without the ceremony of a formal introduction. A gentleman, before introducing his friends to ladies, should obtain permission of the latter to do so, unless he is perfectly sure, from his knowledge of the ladies, that the introductions will be agreeable. The ladies should always grant such permission, unless there is a strong reason for refusing. The French, and to some extent the English, dispense with introductions at a private ball. The fact that they have been invited to meet each other is regarded as a guaranty that they are fit to be mutually acquainted, and is a sufficient warrant for self-introduction. At a public ball partners must be introduced to each other. Special introducing may be made with propriety by the master of ceremonies. At public balls it is well for ladies to dance only, or for the most part, with gentlemen of their own party, or those with whom they have had a previous acquaintance.
It's up to the host and hostess at a ball to introduce their guests, although guests can, with perfect [Pg 34] propriety, introduce each other or, as mentioned earlier, talk to one another without needing a formal introduction. Before introducing his friends to ladies, a gentleman should ask for the ladies' permission, unless he knows them well enough to be certain that they will be okay with the introductions. The ladies should generally grant this permission unless there’s a good reason to decline. The French, and to some extent the English, don’t require introductions at a private ball. The fact that they’ve been invited to meet each other is seen as a guarantee that they are suitable to know one another and is a sufficient reason for them to introduce themselves. At a public ball, partners have to be introduced to each other. The master of ceremonies can make special introductions appropriately. At public balls, it’s wise for ladies to primarily dance with gentlemen from their own group or those they know from before.
The proper form of introduction is to present the gentleman to the lady, the younger to the older, the inferior in social standing to the superior. In introducing, you bow to the lady and say, "Miss C., allow me to introduce to you Mr. D. Mr. D., Miss C." It is the duty of Mr. D. upon bowing to say, "It gives me great pleasure to form your acquaintance, Miss C.," or a remark of this nature.
The right way to introduce someone is to present the man to the woman, the younger person to the older one, and the person of lower social status to the person of higher status. When making an introduction, you should bow to the woman and say, "Miss C., I’d like to introduce you to Mr. D. Mr. D., this is Miss C." Mr. D. should then bow and say, "It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss C.," or something similarly polite.
If gentlemen are to be introduced to one another, the [Pg 35]form is, "Col. Blank, permit me to introduce to you Mr. Cole. Mr. Cole, Col. Blank." The exact words of an introduction are immaterial, so long as the proper form and order is preserved.
If guys are going to be introduced to each other, the [Pg 35]format is, "Col. Blank, I’d like you to meet Mr. Cole. Mr. Cole, this is Col. Blank." The specific words used in the introduction don't matter, as long as the correct format and order is maintained.
The word "present" is often used in place of "introduce." While it is customary to repeat the names of the two parties introduced at the close of the introduction, it is often omitted as a useless formality. It is of the utmost importance that each name should be spoken distinctly. If either of the parties does not distinctly hear the name of the other he should say at once, without hesitation or embarrassment, before making the bow, "I beg your pardon; I did not catch (or understand) the name," when it may be repeated to him.
The word "present" is often used instead of "introduce." While it's standard to repeat the names of the two people being introduced at the end, this is often skipped as it seems unnecessary. It’s really important that each name is said clearly. If either person doesn’t clearly hear the name of the other, they should immediately, without hesitation or awkwardness, say before bowing, "I’m sorry; I didn’t catch (or understand) the name," and the name can then be repeated.
If several persons are to be introduced to one individual, mention the name of the single individual first, and then call the others in succession, bowing slightly as each name is pronounced.
If multiple people are going to be introduced to one person, say the name of the individual first, then follow with the others one by one, bowing slightly as each name is said.
It is the part of true politeness, after introductions, to explain to each person introduced something of the business or residence of each, as they will assist in opening conversation. Or, if one party has recently returned from a foreign trip, it is courteous to say so.
It’s part of being genuinely polite, after making introductions, to share something about the work or home of each person introduced, as this helps start a conversation. Also, if one person has recently come back from a trip abroad, it's polite to mention it.
While it is not necessary to introduce people who chance to meet in your house during a morning call; yet, if there is no reason for supposing that such an introduction will be objectionable to either party, it seems better to give it, as it sets both parties at ease in [Pg 36]conversation. Acquaintanceship may or may not follow such an introduction, at the option of the parties. People who meet at the house of a mutual friend need not recognize each other as acquaintances if they meet again elsewhere, unless they choose to do so.
While it's not necessary to introduce people who happen to meet in your home during a morning visit, if there's no reason to believe that an introduction would be unwelcome to either person, it's better to go ahead and make the introduction, as it helps both individuals feel more comfortable in [Pg 36]conversation. Whether or not a friendship develops after that introduction is up to them. People who meet at the home of a mutual friend don’t have to acknowledge each other as acquaintances if they run into each other again elsewhere, unless they decide to do so.
In introducing members of your own family, be careful not only to specify the degree of relationship, but to give the name also. It is awkward to a stranger to be introduced to "My brother Tom," or "My sister Carrie." When either the introducer or the introduced is a married lady, the name of the party introduced can only be guessed at.
In introducing your family members, make sure to not only mention how they're related to you, but also include their names. It can be uncomfortable for a stranger to be introduced as "My brother Tom" or "My sister Carrie." When either the person introducing or the person being introduced is a married woman, the name of the introduced person can only be guessed.
In introducing a person give him his appropriate title. If he is a clergyman, say "The Rev. Mr. Clark." If a doctor of divinity, say "The Rev. Dr. Clark." If he is a member of Congress, call him "Honorable," and specify to which branch of Congress he belongs. If he is governor of a State, mention what State. If he is a man of any celebrity in the world of art or letters, it is well to mention the fact something after this manner: "Mr. Fish, the artist, whose pictures you have frequently seen," or "Mr. Hart, author of 'Our Future State,' which you so greatly admired."
When introducing someone, use their proper title. If they are a clergyman, say "The Rev. Mr. Clark." If they hold a doctorate in divinity, say "The Rev. Dr. Clark." If they are a member of Congress, refer to them as "Honorable" and specify which branch they belong to. If they are the governor of a state, mention the state. If they are a notable figure in the arts or literature, it's good to acknowledge it like this: "Mr. Fish, the artist whose work you've seen often," or "Mr. Hart, the author of 'Our Future State,' which you admired so much."
A friend visiting at your house must be introduced to all callers, and courtesy requires the latter to cultivate [Pg 37]the acquaintance while your visitor remains with you. If you are the caller introduced, you must show the same attention to the friend of your friend that you wish shown your own friends under the same circumstances. Persons meeting at public places need not introduce each other to the strangers who may chance to be with them; and, even if the introduction does take place, the acquaintance need not be continued unless desired.
A friend who visits your house should be introduced to all guests, and it's polite for those guests to engage with your visitor while they're with you. If you're the guest being introduced, you should give the same consideration to your friend’s friend that you would want for your own friends in the same situation. People meeting in public places don’t have to introduce each other to the strangers they might be with; and even if introductions do happen, the acquaintance doesn’t have to continue unless everyone wants it to.
Two persons who have been properly introduced have in future certain claims upon one another's acquaintance which should be recognized, unless there are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even in that case good manners require the formal bow of recognition upon meeting, which, of itself, encourages no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person will meet another with a stare.
Two people who have been properly introduced have certain expectations regarding their acquaintance, which should be acknowledged unless there are good reasons to ignore them. Even in that situation, good manners dictate a formal bow of recognition when they meet, which doesn’t imply any familiarity. Only a very rude person would greet another with a stare.
A slight bow is all that is required by courtesy, after an introduction. Shaking hands is optional, and it should rest with the older, or the superior in social standing to make the advances. It is often an act of kindness on their part, and as such to be commended. It is a common practice among gentlemen, when introduced to one another, to shake hands, and as it evinces more cordiality than a mere bow, is generally to be preferred. An unmarried lady should not shake hands with gentlemen indiscriminately.[Pg 38]
A slight bow is all that's needed out of courtesy after an introduction. Shaking hands is optional, and it's usually up to the older person or someone of higher social status to initiate it. When they do, it's often seen as a kind gesture, which should be appreciated. It's common for gentlemen to shake hands when they meet, and since it shows more warmth than just a bow, it's usually favored. An unmarried woman shouldn't shake hands with men casually.[Pg 38]
It is the privilege of the lady to determine whether she will recognize a gentleman after an introduction, and he is bound to return the bow. In bowing to a lady on the street, it is not enough that a gentleman should touch his hat, he should lift it from his head.
It’s the lady's choice to decide if she’ll acknowledge a gentleman after an introduction, and he is expected to bow in return. When bowing to a lady on the street, it's not sufficient for a gentleman to merely touch his hat; he should actually raise it off his head.
The "cut direct," which is given by a prolonged stare at a person, if justified at all, can only be in case of extraordinary and notoriously bad conduct on the part of the individual "cut," and is very seldom called for. If any one wishes to avoid a bowing acquaintance with another, it can be done by looking aside or dropping the eyes. It is an invariable rule of good society, that a gentleman cannot "cut" a lady under any circumstances, but circumstances may arise when he may be excused for persisting in not meeting her eyes, for if their eyes meet, he must bow.
The "cut direct," which comes from staring at someone for a long time, is only justified in cases of truly bad behavior from the person being ignored, and it’s rarely appropriate. If someone wants to avoid making eye contact with another person, they can simply look away or drop their gaze. It's a standard rule of good manners that a gentleman should never ignore a lady, but there may be situations where he can be excused for not meeting her gaze, because if their eyes do meet, he has to bow.
If, while walking with one friend, in the street, you meet another and stop a moment to speak with the latter, it is not necessary to introduce the two who are strangers to one another; but, when you separate, the friend who accompanies you gives a parting salutation, the same as yourself. The same rule applies if the friend you meet chances to be a lady.[Pg 39]
If you're walking down the street with a friend and you run into someone else and stop for a moment to chat, you don’t need to introduce the two of them since they don’t know each other. However, when you part ways, your friend who’s with you should say goodbye just like you do. The same goes if the person you meet happens to be a woman.[Pg 39]
If, on entering a drawing-room to pay a visit, you are not recognized, mention your name immediately. If you know but one member of the family and you find others only in the room, introduce yourself to them. Unless this is done, much awkwardness may be occasioned.
If, when you enter a living room to visit, you aren’t recognized, say your name right away. If you only know one person in the family and see others in the room, introduce yourself to them. If you don’t do this, it might lead to a lot of awkwardness.
When a lady is introduced to a gentleman, she should merely bow but not give her hand, unless the gentleman is a well known friend of some member of the family. In that case she may do so if she pleases, as a mark of esteem or respect. A gentleman must not offer to shake hands with a lady until she has made the first movement.
When a woman is introduced to a man, she should just bow and not offer her hand unless the man is a close friend of someone in her family. In that case, she can if she wants, as a sign of appreciation or respect. A man shouldn’t offer to shake hands with a woman until she makes the first move.
A married lady should extend her hand upon being introduced to a stranger brought to her house by her husband, or by a common friend, as an evidence of her cordial welcome.
A married woman should reach out her hand when being introduced to a stranger brought to her home by her husband or a mutual friend, as a sign of her warm welcome.
Friendly letters of introduction should only be given to personal friends, introducing them, and only addressed to those with whom the writer has a strong personal friendship. It is not only foolish, but positively dangerous to give such a letter to a person with whom the writer is but slightly acquainted, as you may thus give your countenance and endorsement to a person who will take advantage of your carelessness to bring you into embarrassing and mortifying positions. Again, you [Pg 40]should never address a letter of introduction to any but an intimate friend of long standing, and even then it should not be done, unless you are perfectly satisfied that the person you are to introduce will be an agreeable and congenial person for your friend to meet, as it would be very annoying to send to your friend a visitor who would prove to him disagreeable. Even amongst friends of long standing such letters should be given very cautiously and sparingly.
Friendly letters of introduction should only be given to close friends, introducing them to others whom the writer has a strong personal connection with. It's not just foolish, but positively risky to give such a letter to someone with whom the writer has only a slight acquaintance, as you might end up supporting someone who could take advantage of your carelessness and put you in uncomfortable and embarrassing situations. Additionally, you should never address a letter of introduction to anyone other than a close, long-term friend, and even then, it should only be done if you're completely sure that the person you're introducing will be a pleasant and compatible match for your friend, since it would be quite a hassle to send your friend a visitor who turns out to be unpleasant. Even among long-time friends, such letters should be given very carefully and sparingly.
The form of letters of introduction is given in the chapter on "Letter-writing."
The format for letters of introduction is provided in the chapter on "Letter-writing."
It is not necessary to deliver a friendly letter of introduction to a person who resides in another town. It is better to send it to the person to whom it is directed, on your arrival, accompanied by your card of address. If he wishes to comply with the request of his friend he will call upon you, and give you an invitation to visit him; circumstances, however, might render it exceedingly inconvenient, or impossible for the person to whom the letter is addressed, to call upon you; consequently a neglect to call need not be considered a mark of ill-breeding, though by some people it is so considered. The person addressed must consult his own feelings in the matter, and while aiming to do what is right, he is not bound to sacrifice business or other important matters to attend to the entertainment of a friend's friend. In such a case he may send his own card to the address [Pg 41]of the person bearing the letter of introduction, and the latter is at liberty to call upon him at his leisure.
You don't need to send a friendly letter of introduction to someone who lives in another town. It's better to give it to the person directly when you arrive, along with your contact card. If they want to honor their friend's request, they'll reach out to you and invite you over; however, circumstances might make it really difficult or impossible for them to do so. Therefore, if they don’t get in touch, it shouldn’t be seen as rudeness, even though some people may think otherwise. The person receiving the letter should consider their own feelings and, while trying to do the right thing, shouldn't feel obligated to put aside work or other important matters just to entertain a friend's friend. In that situation, they can send their own card to the address [Pg 41] of the person who has the letter of introduction, and the recipient can come visit whenever it's convenient for them.
In Europe it is the custom for a person with a letter of introduction to make the first call, but in this country we think that a stranger should never be made to feel that he is begging our attention, and that it is indelicate for him to intrude until he is positive that his company would be agreeable. Consequently, if it is your wish and in your power to welcome any one recommended to you by letter from a friend, or to show your regard for your friend's friend, you must call upon him with all possible dispatch, after you receive his letter of introduction, and give him as hospitable a reception and entertainment as it is possible to give, and such as you would be pleased to receive were you in his place.
In Europe, it's common for someone with a letter of introduction to make the first visit, but here we believe that a stranger shouldn’t feel like they’re begging for attention, and that it’s inappropriate for them to impose until they know that their visit would be welcome. Therefore, if you want to and are able to welcome someone recommended to you by a friend’s letter, or to show respect for your friend's acquaintance, you should visit them as soon as possible after receiving their letter of introduction, and extend to them the warmest welcome and hospitality you can offer, just as you would appreciate if you were in their position.
Letters of introduction to and from business men may be delivered by the bearers in person, and etiquette does not require the receiver to entertain the person introduced as a friend of the writer. It is entirely optional with the person to whom the latter is introduced how he welcomes him, or whether he entertains him or not, though his courtesy would be apt to suggest that some kind attentions should be paid him.[Pg 42]
Letters of introduction to and from business people can be delivered in person by the bearers, and there’s no expectation for the recipient to treat the person introduced as a friend of the writer. It’s entirely up to the person being introduced how they choose to welcome them, or if they choose to host them at all, although common courtesy would usually suggest that some kind attention should be given.[Pg 42]
CHAPTER IV.
Salutations.

ARLYLE says: "What we call 'formulas' are not in their origin bad; they are indisputably good. Formula is method, habitude; found wherever man is found. Formulas fashion themselves as paths do, as beaten highways leading toward some sacred, high object, whither many men are bent. Consider it: One man full of heartfelt, earnest impulse finds out a way of doing something—were it uttering his soul's reverence for the Highest, were it but of fitly saluting his fellow-man. An inventor was needed to do that, a poet; he has articulated the dim, struggling thought that dwelt in his own and many hearts. This is the way of doing that. These are his footsteps, the beginning of a 'path.' And now see the second man travels naturally in the footsteps of his foregoer; it is the easiest method. In the footsteps of his foregoer, yet with his improvements, with changes where such seem good; at all events with enlargements, the path ever widening itself as more [Pg 43]travel it, till at last there is a broad highway, whereon the whole world may travel and drive."
A lady writer of distinction says of salutations: "It would seem that good manners were originally the expression of submission from the weaker to the stronger. In a rude state of society every salutation is to this day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, phrases and signs of courtesy with which we are now familiar, date from those earlier stages when the strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated his allegiance by studied servility. Let us take, for example, the words 'sir' and 'madam.' 'Sir' is derived from seigneur, sieur, and originally meant lord, king, ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal families of France, who, as Selden has said, 'affected rather to be styled by the name of sire than baron, as Le Sire de Montmorenci and the like.' 'Madam' or 'madame,' corrupted by servants into 'ma'am,' and by Mrs. Gamp and her tribe into 'mum,' is in substance equivalent to 'your exalted,' or 'your highness,' madame originally meaning high-born, or stately, and being applied only to ladies of the highest rank.
A distinguished female writer discusses greetings: "It seems that good manners were initially a way to show submission from the weaker to the stronger. In a rough society, every greeting still acts like a form of worship. Therefore, the most common acts, phrases, and signs of courtesy we use today come from those earlier times when the strong ruled and the less powerful showed their loyalty through deliberate subservience. For instance, consider the words 'sir' and 'madam.' 'Sir' comes from seigneur, sieur, and originally meant lord, king, ruler, and in a patriarchal sense, father. The title of sire was last used by some of the old feudal families in France, who, as Selden noted, 'preferred to be called sire rather than baron, like Le Sire de Montmorenci and so forth.' 'Madam' or 'madame,' which servants have shortened to 'ma'am' and Mrs. Gamp and her kind have turned into 'mum,' essentially means 'your exalted' or 'your highness,' with madame originally signifying someone high-born or stately, applied only to women of the highest rank."
"To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. We take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance. We bow on being introduced to strangers. We rise when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave our hand to our friend as he passes the window or drives away from [Pg 44]our door. The Oriental, in like manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he pays a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each of these acts has a primary, an historical significance. The very word 'salutation,' in the first place, derived as it is from salutatio, the daily homage paid by a Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a history of manners.
"Let’s talk about how we greet each other every day. We take off our hats when we visit a friend. We bow when we meet someone new. We stand up when guests come into our living room. We wave at our friend as he walks past the window or drives away from [Pg 44]our door. Similarly, in the East, they leave their shoes at the door when visiting someone. People from the Tonga Islands kiss the feet of a chieftain. A Siberian peasant bows down in the dirt before a Russian noble. Each of these gestures has important historical meaning. The word 'salutation' itself, coming from salutatio, which refers to the daily respect shown by a Roman client to his patron, reflects a history of manners."
"To bare the head was originally an act of submission to gods and rulers. A bow is a modified prostration. A lady's courtesy is a modified genuflection. Rising and standing are acts of homage; and when we wave our hand to a friend on the opposite side of the street, we are unconsciously imitating the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to stand 'somewhat off before the images of their gods, solemnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting it, as if they had cast kisses.' Again, men remove the glove when they shake hands with a lady—a custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight removed his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chatelaine; and the custom, which began in necessity, has traveled down to us as a point of etiquette."
"Taking off your hat was originally a sign of respect towards gods and leaders. A bow is a kind of modified prostration. A lady's polite gesture is a modified kneeling. Rising and standing are ways to show honor; and when we wave to a friend across the street, we are unconsciously imitating the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, would stand a bit away from their gods' images, solemnly moving their right hand to their lips and then throwing it out, as if sending kisses. Furthermore, men take off their gloves when shaking hands with a lady—a custom that clearly has feudal roots. The knight removed his metal glove, which would have been too rough for the delicate hand of a lady; and this practice, which started out of necessity, has come down to us as a matter of etiquette."
Each nation has its own method of salutation. In Southern Africa it is the custom to rub toes. In Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours. The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends his head very [Pg 45]low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat startling mode of salutation. They ride at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would unhorse him, and when close at hand suddenly check their horse and fire a pistol over the person's head. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, "How do you perspire?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. The Chinese bows low and inquires, "Have you eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, sir," or, "How do you stand?" And the Neapolitan piously remarks, "Grow in holiness." The German asks, "How goes it with you?" The Frenchman bows profoundly and inquires, "How do you carry yourself."
Each country has its own way of greeting. In Southern Africa, it's common to rub toes. In Lapland, a friend rubs their nose against yours. The Turk crosses his arms over his chest and bows his head very low. The Moors of Morocco have a somewhat shocking way of greeting. They gallop toward a stranger, as if they intend to unseat them, and when they’re close, they suddenly stop their horse and fire a pistol over the person's head. The Egyptian asks you, "How do you sweat?" while letting his hand drop to his knee. The Chinese bows low and asks, "Have you eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, sir," or, "How do you stand?" The Neapolitan piously says, "Grow in holiness." The German asks, "How are you doing?" The Frenchman bows deeply and asks, "How do you carry yourself?"
Foreigners are given to embracing. In France and Germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on the forehead, men throw their arms around the necks of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. It is a curious sight to Americans, with their natural prejudices against publicity in kissing.
Foreigners are open to hugging. In France and Germany, parents kiss their adult sons on the forehead, men wrap their arms around their friends' necks, and brothers hug like lovers. This is quite a sight for Americans, who have a natural aversion to public displays of affection like kissing.
In England and America there are three modes of salutation—the bow, the handshaking and the kiss.
In England and America, there are three ways to greet someone—bowing, shaking hands, and kissing.
It is said: "A bow is a note drawn at sight. You are bound to acknowledge it immediately, and to the full amount." It should be respectful, cordial, civil or familiar, according to circumstances. Between gentlemen, an inclination of the head, a gesture of the hand, or the mere touching of the hat is sufficient; but in bowing to a lady, the hat must be lifted from the head. If you know people slightly, you recognize them [Pg 46]slightly; if you know them well, you bow with more familiarity. The body is not bent at all in bowing; the inclination of the head is all that is necessary.
It’s said: "A bow is a greeting you make on the spot. You have to acknowledge it right away, and fully." It should be respectful, friendly, polite, or casual, depending on the situation. Among gentlemen, a nod of the head, a wave of the hand, or just a light touch of the hat is enough; but when bowing to a lady, you must remove your hat. If you know someone a little, you recognize them a little; if you know them well, you bow with more familiarity. There’s no need to bend your body when bowing; just a nod of the head is enough.
If the gentleman is smoking, he withdraws his cigar from his mouth before lifting his hat to a lady, or if he should happen to have his hand in his pocket he removes it.
If a guy is smoking, he takes the cigar out of his mouth before tipping his hat to a lady, or if he happens to have his hand in his pocket, he pulls it out.
At the moment of the first meeting of the eyes of an acquaintance you bow. Any one who has been introduced to you, or any one to whom you have been introduced, is entitled to this mark of respect.
At the moment you first lock eyes with someone you know, you bow. Anyone who has been introduced to you, or anyone you've been introduced to, deserves this sign of respect.
The bow is the touchstone of good breeding, and to neglect it, even to one with whom you may have a trifling difference, shows deficiency in cultivation and in the instincts of refinement. A bow does not entail a calling acquaintance. Its entire neglect reveals the character and training of the person; the manner of its observance reveals the very shades of breeding that exist between the ill-bred and the well-bred.
The bow is a sign of good manners, and ignoring it, even with someone you might disagree with a little, shows a lack of refinement and upbringing. A bow doesn’t require a close relationship. Completely ignoring it shows a lot about a person's character and upbringing; how it’s done highlights the differences in manners between those who are rude and those who are polite.
A gentleman walking with a lady returns a bow made to her, whether by a lady or gentleman (lifting his hat not too far from his head), although the one bowing is an entire stranger to him.
A man walking with a woman acknowledges a bow made to her, whether from a woman or a man (lifting his hat just above his head), even if the person bowing is a complete stranger to him.
It is civility to return a bow, although you do not know the one who is bowing to you. Either the one who bows, knows you, or has mistaken you for some one else. In either case you should return the bow, and probably the mistake will be discovered to have [Pg 47]occurred for want of quick recognition on your own part, or from some resemblance that you bear to another.
It’s polite to return a bow, even if you don’t know the person bowing to you. The person bowing either knows you or has confused you for someone else. In either situation, you should return the bow, and it’s likely that the misunderstanding will turn out to have [Pg 47] happened due to your own failure to recognize them quickly, or because you resemble someone else.
The manner in which the salutation of recognition is made, may be regarded as an unerring test of the breeding, training, or culture of a person. It should be prompt as soon as the eyes meet, whether on the street or in a room. The intercourse need go no further, but that bow must be made. There are but few laws which have better reasons for their observance than this. This rule holds good under all circumstances, whether within doors or without. Those who abstain from bowing at one time, and bow at another, should not be surprised to find that the person whom they have neglected, has avoided the continuation of their acquaintance.
The way a greeting of acknowledgment is made can be seen as a clear indicator of a person's upbringing, education, or culture. It should happen immediately as soon as your eyes meet, whether on the street or in a room. There’s no need for further conversation; that nod must happen. There are very few social rules that are supported by such strong reasoning as this one. This rule applies in all situations, whether indoors or outdoors. Those who skip a bow at one time and then bow at another shouldn't be surprised if the person they neglected chooses not to continue the friendship.
Having once had an introduction that entitles to recognition, it is the duty of the person to recall himself or herself to the recollection of the older person, if there is much difference in age, by bowing each time of meeting, until the recognition becomes mutual. As persons advance in life, they look for these attentions upon the part of the young. Persons who have large circles of acquaintance, often confuse the faces of the young whom they know with the familiar faces which they meet and do not know, and from frequent errors of this kind, they get into the habit of waiting to catch some look or gesture of recognition.[Pg 48]
Having once received an introduction that deserves recognition, it's the responsibility of the person to remind the older individual of their identity, especially if there's a significant age difference, by bowing each time they meet until mutual recognition occurs. As people get older, they expect these gestures from the younger generation. Those with large circles of acquaintances often confuse the faces of young people they know with those they don't, and due to these frequent mix-ups, they develop a habit of waiting for some sign or gesture of recognition.[Pg 48]
If a person desires to avoid a bowing acquaintance with a person who has been properly introduced, he may do so by looking aside, or dropping the eyes as the person approaches, for, if the eyes meet, there is no alternative, bow he must.
If someone wants to avoid a casual introduction with someone who has been properly introduced, they can do so by looking away or dropping their gaze as the person comes closer, because if their eyes meet, there’s no choice—they have to acknowledge them with a bow.
Bowing once to a person upon a public promenade or drive is all that civility requires. If the person is a friend, it is in better form, the second and subsequent passings, should you catch his or her eye, to smile slightly instead of bowing repeatedly. If an acquaintance, it is best to avert the eyes.
Bowing once to someone on a public walk or drive is all that politeness needs. If the person is a friend, it's more appropriate to smile slightly on the second and subsequent passes, if you catch their eye, instead of bowing again. If it’s an acquaintance, it’s best to look away.
A bow should never be accompanied by a broad smile, even when you are well acquainted, and yet a high authority well says: "You should never speak to an acquaintance without a smile in your eyes."
A bow should never come with a big smile, even if you know someone well, and yet a respected authority wisely states: "You should never talk to an acquaintance without a spark of a smile in your eyes."
A young lady should show the same deference to an elderly lady that a gentleman does to a lady. It may also be said that a young man should show proper deference to elderly gentlemen.
A young woman should show the same respect to an older woman that a man does to a woman. It can also be said that a young man should show proper respect to older men.
The words commonly used in saluting a person are "Good Morning," "Good Afternoon," "Good Evening,"[Pg 49] "How do you do" (sometimes contracted into "Howdy" and "How dye do,") and "How are you." The three former are most appropriate, as it seems somewhat absurd to ask after a person's health, unless you stop to receive an answer. A respectful bow should accompany the words.
The phrases we usually use to greet someone are "Good Morning," "Good Afternoon," "Good Evening,"[Pg 49] "How do you do" (which can be shortened to "Howdy" or "How dye do,") and "How are you." The first three are the most suitable, as it feels a bit silly to ask about someone's health without pausing to listen to their response. A polite bow should go along with these greetings.
Among friends the shaking of the hand is the most genuine and cordial expression of good-will. It is not necessary, though in certain cases it is not forbidden, upon introduction; but when acquaintanceship has reached any degree of intimacy, it is perfectly proper.
Among friends, a handshake is the most genuine and warm expression of good will. It's not always necessary, but in some cases, it's not inappropriate during introductions; however, once you've built some level of closeness, it's completely acceptable.
An authority upon this subject says: "The etiquette of handshaking is simple. A man has no right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two young ladies shake hands gently and softly. A young lady gives her hand, but does not shake a gentleman's unless she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give her hand; a gentleman, of course, never dares to do so seated. On introduction in a room, a married lady generally offers her hand; a young lady, not. In a ball-room, where the introduction is to dancing, not to friendship, you never shake hands; and as a general rule, an introduction is not followed by shaking hands, only by a bow. It may perhaps be laid down that the more public the place of introduction, the less handshaking takes place. But if the introduction be particular, if it be accompanied by personal recom[Pg 50]mendation, such as, 'I want you to know my friend Jones,' or if Jones comes with a letter of presentation, then you give Jones your hand, and warmly, too. Lastly, it is the privilege of a superior to offer or withhold his or her hand, so that an inferior should never put his forward first."
An expert on this topic says: "The rules for handshaking are simple. A man should not take a woman’s hand unless she offers it. He has even less right to squeeze or hold onto it. Two young women shake hands gently and softly. A young woman extends her hand but won't shake a man's hand unless she considers him a friend. A woman should always stand to offer her hand; a man, of course, never dares to do that while seated. When introduced in a room, a married woman generally offers her hand; a young woman does not. In a ballroom, where introductions are about dancing, not friendship, you don’t shake hands; as a general rule, introductions aren't followed by handshakes, just bows. It might be said that the more public the introduction, the less handshaking occurs. However, if the introduction is personal, like saying, 'I want you to meet my friend Jones,' or if Jones has a letter of recommendation, then you should shake hands with Jones, and warmly, too. Finally, it is the privilege of a person of higher status to offer or withhold their hand, so a person of lower status should never extend theirs first."
When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to shake hands at all, she should give her hand with frankness and cordiality. There should be equal frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part, and even more warmth, though a careful avoidance of anything like offensive familiarity or that which might be mistaken as such.
When a woman sets aside her shyness enough to shake hands, she should do so openly and warmly. The man should respond with the same openness and warmth, but even more friendliness, while being careful to avoid any kind of unwanted familiarity or anything that might be seen as such.
In shaking hands, the right hand should always be offered, unless it be so engaged as to make it impossible, and then an excuse should be offered. The French give the left hand, as nearest the heart.
In shaking hands, you should always offer your right hand, unless it's busy or something makes it impossible, in which case you should apologize. The French offer their left hand because it's closest to the heart.
The mistress of a household should offer her hand to every guest invited to her house.
The hostess of a home should extend her hand to every guest invited to her house.
A gentleman must not shake hands with a lady until she has made the first move in that direction. It is a mark of rudeness not to give his hand instantly, should she extend her own. A married lady should always extend her hand to a stranger brought to her house by a common friend, as an evidence of her cordial welcome. Where an introduction is for dancing there is no shaking of hands.
A gentleman shouldn't shake hands with a lady until she initiates it. It's considered rude for him not to offer his hand right away if she extends hers. A married lady should always reach out her hand to a stranger introduced by a mutual friend, as a sign of her warm welcome. When it comes to introductions for dancing, shaking hands is not necessary.
This is the most affectionate form of salutation, and is only proper among near relations and dear friends.[Pg 51]
This is the most loving way to say hello, and it's only appropriate among close family and close friends.[Pg 51]
The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the cheeks and forehead. In this country this act of affection is generally excluded from public eyes, and in the case of parents and children and near relations, it is perhaps unnecessarily so.
The kiss of friendship and love is on the cheeks and forehead. In this country, this gesture of affection is usually kept away from public view, even among parents, children, and close relatives, and perhaps it shouldn't be.
The custom which has become quite prevalent of women kissing each other whenever they meet in public, is regarded as vulgar, and by ladies of delicacy and refinement is entirely avoided.
The trend of women kissing each other whenever they meet in public has become quite common, but it's seen as tacky, and more refined ladies tend to avoid it altogether.
The kiss of respect—almost obsolete in this country—is made on the hand. The custom is retained in Germany and among gentlemen of the most courtly manners in England.
The kiss of respect—almost outdated in this country—is given on the hand. This custom is still practiced in Germany and by gentlemen with the most refined manners in England.

CHAPTER V.
Etiquette of Calls.

HERE are calls of ceremony, of condolence, of congratulation and of friendship. All but the latter are usually of short duration. The call of friendship is usually of less formality and may be of some length.
"Morning calls," as they are termed, should not be made earlier than 12 p.m., nor later than 5 p.m.
"Morning calls," as they are called, should not be made earlier than 12 PM, nor later than 5 PM
A morning call should not exceed half an hour in length. From ten to twenty minutes is ordinarily quite long enough. If other visitors come in, the visit should terminate as speedily as possible. Upon leaving, bow slightly to the strangers.
A morning visit shouldn't last more than thirty minutes. Usually, ten to twenty minutes is just about right. If other guests arrive, the visit should wrap up quickly. When you leave, give a slight nod to the newcomers.
In making a call be careful to avoid the luncheon and dinner hour of your friends. From two until five is ordinarily the most convenient time for morning calls.[Pg 53]
When making a call, be sure to avoid your friends' lunch and dinner times. Typically, two to five is the most convenient time for afternoon visits.[Pg 53]
It is sometimes more convenient for both the caller and those called upon that the call should be made in the evening. An evening call should never be made later than nine o'clock, nor be prolonged after ten, neither should it exceed an hour in length.
It’s often easier for both the person making the call and the ones receiving it if the call happens in the evening. An evening call should never be made later than nine o'clock and shouldn't go past ten, nor should it last more than an hour.
The lady of the house rises upon the entrance of her visitors, who at once advance to pay their respects to her before speaking to others. If too many callers are present to enable her to take the lead in conversation, she pays special attention to the latest arrivals, watching to see that no one is left alone, and talking to each of her guests in succession, or seeing that some one is doing so.
The lady of the house stands up when her guests arrive, and they immediately approach her to show their respect before talking to anyone else. If there are too many visitors for her to lead the conversation, she focuses on the newcomers, making sure no one gets left out, and speaks to each of her guests one by one, or ensures someone else is doing that.
A lady who is not in her own house does not rise, either on the arrival or departure of ladies, unless there is some great difference of age. Attention to the aged is one of the marks of good breeding which is never neglected by the thoughtful and refined.
A woman who isn't in her own home does not stand up when other women arrive or leave, unless there is a significant age difference. Showing respect to the elderly is a sign of good manners that thoughtful and refined people always recognize.
It is not customary to introduce residents of the same city, unless the hostess knows that an introduction will be agreeable to both parties. Strangers in the place are always introduced.
It’s not common to introduce people from the same city unless the host knows that both sides will be okay with it. Strangers in town are always introduced.
Ladies and gentlemen who meet in the drawing-room of a common friend are privileged to speak to each other without an introduction; though gentlemen generally prefer to ask for introductions. When introduced [Pg 54]to any one, bow slightly, and enter at once into conversation. It shows a lack of good breeding not to do so.
Ladies and gentlemen who gather in the living room of a mutual friend can talk to each other without needing an introduction; however, men usually prefer to request one. When introduced [Pg 54]to someone, bow slightly and start a conversation right away. Failing to do so reflects poor manners.
When introductions are given, it is the gentleman who should be presented to the lady; when two ladies are introduced, it is the younger who is presented to the older.
When introductions happen, the gentleman should be introduced to the lady; when two ladies are introduced, the younger one is introduced to the older one.
A lady receiving gives her hand to a stranger as to a friend, when she wishes to bestow some mark of cordiality in welcoming a guest to her home, but a gentleman should not take the initiatory in handshaking. It is the lady's privilege to give or withhold, as she chooses.
A woman extends her hand to a stranger like she would to a friend when she wants to show warmth in welcoming a guest to her home, but a man should not be the first to offer his hand for a handshake. It is the woman's choice to give or withhold that gesture as she sees fit.
A gentleman rises when those ladies with whom he is talking rise to take their leave. He also rises upon the entrance of ladies, but he does not offer seats to those entering, unless in his own house, or unless requested to do so by the hostess, and then he does not offer his own chair if others are available.
A gentleman stands when the ladies he’s conversing with get up to leave. He also stands when ladies enter, but he doesn’t offer them seats unless it’s his own home or if the hostess asks him to. Even then, he doesn’t offer his own chair if there are others available.
A call should not be less than fifteen minutes in duration, nor should it be so long as to become tedious. A bore is a person who does not know when you have had enough of his or her company, and gives more of it than is desirable. Choose a time to leave when there is a lull in the conversation, and the hostess is not occupied with fresh arrivals. Then take leave of your hostess, bowing to those you know as you leave the room, not to each in turn, but let one bow include all.
A call shouldn't be shorter than fifteen minutes, but it shouldn't drag on to the point of being dull. A bore is someone who doesn't realize when you've had enough of their company and just keeps talking. Pick a moment to leave when the conversation slows down, and the hostess isn't busy with new guests. Then say goodbye to your hostess, nodding at the people you know as you exit the room, not to each person individually, but with one nod that covers everyone.
Calls ought to be made within three days after a dinner or tea party, if it is a first invitation; and if not, within a week. After a party or a ball, whether [Pg 55]you have accepted the invitation or not, you call within a week.
Calls should be made within three days after a dinner or tea party if it’s your first invitation, and if it’s a subsequent invitation, within a week. After a party or a ball, whether [Pg 55] you accepted the invitation or not, you should call within a week.
A lady who has no regular reception day will endeavor to receive callers at any time. If she is occupied, she will instruct her servant to say that she is engaged; but a visitor once admitted into the house must be seen at any inconvenience.
A woman who doesn't have a set reception day will try to see visitors at any time. If she’s busy, she’ll tell her servant to say that she can’t meet right now; however, once a guest is let into the house, she must see them no matter what.
A lady should never keep a caller waiting without sending to see whether a delay of a few minutes will inconvenience the caller. Servants should be instructed to return and announce to the person waiting that the lady will be down immediately. Any delay whatever should be apologized for.
A woman should never keep a visitor waiting without checking if a few minutes' delay will inconvenience them. Staff should be told to come back and let the waiting person know that the woman will be down shortly. Any delay should always be apologized for.
If, on making a call, you are introduced into a room where you are unknown to those assembled, at once give your name and mention upon whom your call is made.
If you enter a room where no one knows you when making a call, immediately introduce yourself and say who you're there to see.
In meeting a lady or gentleman whose name you cannot recall, frankly say so, if you find it necessary. Sensible persons will prefer to recall themselves to your memory rather than to feel that you are talking to them without fully recognizing them. To affect not to remember a person is despicable, and reflects only on the pretender.
In meeting a lady or gentleman whose name you can't remember, just be honest about it if you feel it's necessary. Reasonable people would rather reintroduce themselves than feel like you're talking to them without really recognizing them. Pretending not to remember someone is pathetic and only makes the pretender look bad.
Gentlemen, as well as ladies, when making formal calls, send in but one card, no matter how many members of the family they may wish to see. If a guest is stopping at the house, the same rule is observed. If not at home, one card is left for the lady, and one for [Pg 56]the guest. The card for the lady may be folded so as to include the family.
Gentlemen and ladies, when making formal visits, only send in one card, regardless of how many family members you want to see. If a guest is staying at the house, the same rule applies. If no one is home, leave one card for the lady and another for [Pg 56]the guest. The card for the lady can be folded to include the family.
At places of summer resort, those who own their cottages, call first upon those who rent them, and those who rent, in turn, call upon each other, according to priority of arrival. In all these cases there are exceptions; as, where there is any great difference in ages, the younger then calling upon the older, if there has been a previous acquaintance or exchange of calls. If there has been no previous acquaintance or exchange of calls, the older lady pays the first call, unless she takes the initiative by inviting the younger to call upon her, or by sending her an invitation to some entertainment, which she is about to give. When the occupants of two villas, who have arrived the same season, meet at the house of a common friend, and the older of the two uses her privilege of inviting the other to call, it would be a positive rudeness not to call; and the sooner the call is made, the more civil will it be considered. It is equally rude, when one lady asks permission of another to bring a friend to call, and then neglects to do it, after permission has been given. If the acquaintance is not desired, the first call can be the last.
At summer resorts, those who own their cottages usually make the first visit to those who rent them, and the renters then visit each other based on who arrived first. There are exceptions, like when there's a significant age difference; in those cases, the younger person visits the older one if they already know each other or have visited previously. If there hasn't been any prior acquaintance or visits, the older woman makes the first visit unless she takes the lead by inviting the younger one to visit her or by sending an invitation to an event she’s hosting. When people from two villas, both new arrivals that season, meet at a mutual friend's house, the older one extending the invitation for the other to visit is a courtesy that should be respected; failing to visit after being invited would be considered quite rude, and it’s even better to make the visit sooner rather than later. It’s also impolite if one woman asks another if she can bring a friend to visit and then doesn’t follow through after permission has been granted. If the acquaintance is unwelcome, the first visit can be the last.
Only calls of pure ceremony—such as are made previous to an entertainment on those persons who are not to be invited, and to whom you are indebted for any [Pg 57]attentions—are made by handing in cards; nor can a call in person be returned by cards. Exceptions to this rule comprise P.P.C. calls, cards left or sent by persons in mourning, and those which announce a lady's day for receiving calls, on her return to town, after an absence.
Only formal calls—like those made before an event for people who aren’t being invited and who you owe some courtesy to—are done by sending cards; also, you can’t return a personal visit with cards. Exceptions to this rule include P.P.C. calls, cards left or sent by people in mourning, and those that indicate a lady's day for receiving visits upon her return to town after being away.
Some ladies receive only on certain days or evenings, which are once a week, once a fortnight, or once a month as the case may be, and the time is duly announced by cards. When a lady has made this rule it is considerate, on the part of her friends, to observe it, for it is sometimes regarded as an intrusion to call at any other time. The reason of her having made this rule may have been to prevent the loss of too much time from her duties, in the receiving of calls from her friends.
Some women host guests only on specific days or evenings, whether it's once a week, every two weeks, or once a month, and the schedule is typically shared through cards. When a woman has set this rule, it’s respectful for her friends to follow it, as visiting at other times can sometimes be seen as intrusive. She may have established this rule to avoid losing too much time from her responsibilities by having friends drop by.
When a betrothal takes place and it is formally announced to the relatives and friends on both sides, calls of congratulation follow. The bridegroom that is to be, is introduced by the family of the proposed bride to their connections and most intimate friends, and his family in return introduce her to relatives and acquaintances whom they desire her to know. The simplest way of bringing this about is by the parents leaving the cards of the betrothed, with their own, upon all families on their visiting list whom they wish to have the betrothed pair visit.[Pg 58]
When a couple gets engaged and formally shares the news with relatives and friends, the congratulations start pouring in. The family of the future bride introduces the groom to their close connections and friends, and his family does the same, introducing her to their relatives and acquaintances they want her to know. The easiest way to facilitate this is for the parents to leave engagement cards of the couple, along with their own, at all the homes on their visiting list that they want the couple to visit.[Pg 58]
Strangers arriving are expected to send their cards to their acquaintances, bearing their direction, as an announcement that they are in the city. This rule is often neglected, but, unless it is observed, strangers may be a long time in town without their presence being known.
Strangers arriving are expected to send their cards to their acquaintances, including their address, as a way to announce that they are in the city. This rule is often overlooked, but if it's not followed, strangers might spend a long time in town without anyone knowing they’re there.
A first call ought to be returned within three or four days. A longer delay than a week is considered an intimation that you are unwilling to accept the new acquaintance, unless some excuse for the remissness is made.
A first call should be returned within three or four days. Taking longer than a week is seen as a signal that you’re not interested in the new acquaintance, unless you offer some excuse for the delay.
In an event of exchange of calls between two ladies, without meeting, who are known to each other only by sight, they should upon the first opportunity, make themselves acquainted with one another. The younger should seek the older, or the one who has been the recipient of the first attention should introduce herself, or seek an introduction, but it is not necessary to stand upon ceremony on such points. Ladies knowing each other by sight, bow, after an exchange of cards.
In the case where two women exchange calls without meeting, and they only know each other by sight, they should take the first chance they get to introduce themselves. The younger woman should approach the older one, or the one who received the initial attention should introduce herself or ask for an introduction, but there’s no need to be overly formal about it. Women who recognize each other by sight should bow after exchanging cards.
When it becomes a question as to who shall call first, between old residents, the older should take the initiatory. Ladies, who have been in the habit of meeting for sometime without exchanging calls, sometimes say [Pg 59]to each other: "I hope you will come and see me!" and often the answer is made: "Oh, you must come and see me first!" That answer could only be given, with propriety, by a lady who is much the older of the two. The lady who extends the invitation makes the first advance, and the one who receives it should at least say: "I thank you—you are very kind," and then accept the invitation or not, as it pleases her. It is the custom for residents to make the first call upon strangers.
When it comes to deciding who should make the first call among long-time residents, the older person should take the lead. Ladies who have been meeting up for a while without formally visiting each other sometimes say to one another: "I hope you'll come and see me!" and often the reply is: "Oh, you should come and see me first!" Only a lady who is significantly older can properly use that response. The lady who extends the invitation makes the first move, and the one who receives it should at least say: "Thank you—you’re very kind," and then decide whether to accept the invitation or not. It’s customary for long-time residents to be the ones to make the first call on newcomers.
Calls of congratulation are made when any happy or auspicious event may have occurred in the family visited—such as a birth, marriage, or any piece of good fortune. Such visits may be made either similar to the morning or the evening call. Such visits may also be made upon the appointment of friends to any important office or honored position, or when a friend has distinguished himself by a notable public address or oration.
Calls of congratulations are made when a joyful or fortunate event has happened in the family you’re visiting—like a birth, marriage, or any good luck. These visits can happen either like a morning or evening call. They can also be made when friends get appointed to important jobs or honored positions, or when a friend has stood out with a remarkable public speech or address.
When persons are going abroad to be absent for a considerable period, if they have not time or inclination to take leave of all their friends by making formal calls, they will send to each of their friends a card with the letters P.P.C. written upon it. They are the initials of "Pour Prendre Conge"—to take leave—and may with propriety stand for "presents parting compliments." On returning home, it is customary that friends [Pg 60]should first call upon them. A neglect to do so, unless for some good excuse, is sufficient cause to drop their acquaintance. In taking leave of a family, you send as many cards as you would if you were paying an ordinary visit.
When people are going abroad for a long time and don't have the time or desire to say goodbye to all their friends in person, they usually send a card to each friend with the letters P.P.C. on it. These stand for "Pour Prendre Congé"—to take leave—and can also mean "presents parting compliments." When they return home, it's customary for friends [Pg 60]to visit them first. Not doing so, unless there's a good reason, can be enough to end the friendship. When saying goodbye to a family, you send as many cards as you would if you were making a regular visit.
Visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event which occasioned them; but if the acquaintance be slight, immediately after the family appear at public worship. A card should be sent in, and if your friends are able to receive you, your manners and conversation should be in harmony with the character of your visit. It is deemed courteous to send in a mourning card; and for ladies to make their calls in black silk or plain-colored apparel. It denotes that they sympathize with the afflictions of the family, and a warm, heartfelt sympathy is always appreciated.
Visits of condolence should be made within a week after the event that caused them, but if you aren’t very close, it's best to go right after the family starts attending public services again. A card should be sent in, and if your friends can welcome you, your behavior and conversation should match the nature of your visit. It's considered polite to send a mourning card, and women should wear black silk or simple colored clothes while making their calls. This shows that they empathize with the family’s loss, and genuine, heartfelt sympathy is always appreciated.
Evening visits are paid only to those with whom we are well acquainted. They should not be frequent, even where one is intimate, nor should they be protracted to a great length. Frequent visits are apt to become tiresome to your friends or acquaintances, and long visits may entitle you to the appellation of "bore."
Evening visits are made only to those we know well. They shouldn't happen too often, even with close friends, and they shouldn't last too long. Frequent visits can get boring for your friends or acquaintances, and long visits might earn you the title of "bore."
If you should happen to pay an evening visit at a house where a small party had assembled, unknown to you, present yourself and converse for a few minutes with an unembarrassed air, after which you may leave, [Pg 61]pleading as an excuse that you had only intended to make a short call. An invitation to stay and spend the evening, given for the sake of courtesy, should not be accepted. If urged very strongly to remain, and the company is an informal gathering, you may with propriety consent to do so.
If you happen to drop by a house where a small party is going on that you didn’t know about, just show up and chat for a few minutes casually, then you can leave, [Pg 61] claiming that you only meant to make a quick visit. You shouldn’t accept an invitation to stay and spend the evening since it’s given out of politeness. If they insist that you stay and it’s a casual gathering, you can politely agree to do so.
A person should keep a strict account of ceremonial calls, and take note of how soon calls are returned. By doing so, an opinion can be formed as to how frequently visits are desired. Instances may occur, when, in consequence of age or ill health, calls should be made without any reference to their being returned. It must be remembered that nothing must interrupt the discharge of this duty.
A person should keep a detailed record of social visits and pay attention to how quickly calls are returned. By doing this, one can gauge how often visits are wanted. There may be times when, due to age or health issues, visits should be made regardless of whether or not they are reciprocated. It's important to remember that nothing should interfere with fulfilling this responsibility.
Among relatives and friends, calls of mere ceremony are unnecessary. It is, however, needful to make suitable calls, and to avoid staying too long, if your friend is engaged. The courtesies of society should be maintained among the nearest friends, and even the domestic circle.
Among family and friends, polite calls are not needed. However, it is important to make appropriate visits and to avoid overstaying if your friend is busy. Social niceties should be upheld even among close friends and within the family.
If a lady is so employed that she cannot receive callers she should charge the servant who goes to answer the bell to say that she is "engaged" or "not at home." This will prove sufficient with all well-bred people.[Pg 62]
If a woman is busy and can't take visitors, she should tell the servant who answers the door to say that she is "busy" or "not at home." This will be enough for all polite people.[Pg 62]
The servant should have her orders to say "engaged" or "not at home" before any one has called, so that the lady shall avoid all risk of being obliged to inconvenience herself in receiving company when she has intended to deny herself. If there are to be exceptions made in favor of any individual or individuals, mention their names specially to the servant, adding that you will see them if they call, but to all others you are "engaged."
The servant should be instructed to say "busy" or "not at home" before anyone calls, so that the lady can avoid the hassle of having to entertain guests when she meant to decline. If there are specific people who should be exceptions, make sure to tell the servant their names, noting that you will see them if they come by, but to everyone else, you are "busy."
A lady should always be dressed sufficiently well to receive company, and not keep them waiting while she is making her toilet.
A woman should always be dressed well enough to welcome guests and shouldn't make them wait while she gets ready.
A well-bred person always endeavors to receive visitors at whatever time they call, or whoever they may be, but there are times when it is impossible to do so, and then, of course, a servant is instructed beforehand to say "not at home" to the visitor. If, however, the servant admits the visitor and he is seated in the drawing room or parlor, it is the duty of the hostess to receive him or her at whatever inconvenience it may be to herself.
A polite person always tries to welcome guests whenever they arrive, no matter who they are, but there are times when that's just not possible. In those cases, a servant is told in advance to say "not at home" to the guest. However, if the servant lets the guest in and they are seated in the living room, it is the hostess's responsibility to greet them, no matter how inconvenient it may be for her.
When you call upon persons, and are informed at the door that the parties whom you ask for are engaged, you should never insist in an attempt to be admitted, but should acquiesce at once in any arrangements which they have made for their convenience, and to protect themselves from interruption. However intimate you may be in any house you have no right, when an order has been given to exclude general visitors, and no exception has been made of you, to violate that exclusion, and [Pg 63]declare that the party should be at home to you. There are times and seasons when a person desires to be left entirely alone, and at such times there is no friendship for which she would give up her occupation or her solitude.
When you visit someone and find out that the people you’re looking for are busy, you should never push to get in. Instead, just respect whatever plans they’ve made to avoid interruptions. No matter how close you are to someone, you don’t have the right to ignore their request to keep out general visitors, especially if you’re not mentioned as an exception, and claim that the person should be available for you. There are moments when someone wants to be completely alone, and during those times, there’s no friendship they would choose over their work or solitude.
A gentleman in making a formal call should retain his hat and gloves in his hand on entering the room. The hat should not be laid upon a table or stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found necessary from some cause to set it down. In that case, place it upon the floor. An umbrella should be left in the hall. In an informal evening call, the hat, gloves, overcoat and cane may be left in the hall.
A guy making a formal visit should hold his hat and gloves in his hand when he enters the room. He shouldn’t put the hat on a table or stand, but keep it in his hand unless he has a good reason to set it down. If he does need to put it down, it should go on the floor. An umbrella should be left in the hallway. During a casual evening visit, the hat, gloves, overcoat, and cane can be left in the hallway.
A lady, in making a call, may bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with her, without previous permission. A gentleman, however, should never take the same liberty.
A lady, when making a call, may bring a stranger, even a gentleman, with her, without needing prior permission. However, a gentleman should never take the same liberty.
No one should prolong a call if the person upon whom the call is made is found dressed ready to go out.
No one should keep a call going if the person receiving the call is dressed and ready to head out.
A lady should be more richly dressed when calling on her friends than for an ordinary walk.
A woman should dress more elegantly when visiting her friends than when going for a casual walk.
A lady should never call upon a gentleman except upon some business, officially or professionally.
A woman should never reach out to a man unless it's for some business, either officially or professionally.
Never allow young children, dogs or pets of any sort to accompany you in a call. They often prove disagreeable and troublesome.
Never let young children, dogs, or any pets join you on a call. They can be distracting and annoying.
Two persons out of one family, or at most three, are all that should call together.
Two people from one family, or at most three, should be the only ones getting together.
It is not customary in cities to offer refreshments to [Pg 64]callers. In the country, where the caller has come from some distance, it is exceedingly hospitable to do so.
It’s not common in cities to offer snacks to [Pg 64] visitors. In the countryside, where the visitor has traveled a long way, it’s very welcoming to do that.
Calls in the country may be less ceremonious and of longer duration, than those made in the city.
Calls in the countryside might be less formal and last longer than those made in the city.
A person making a call should not, while waiting for a hostess, touch an open piano, walk about the room examining pictures, nor handle any ornament in the room.
A person making a call shouldn't touch an open piano, walk around the room looking at pictures, or handle any ornaments while waiting for the hostess.
If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a friend, the acquaintances of the family should be punctilious to call at an early date.
If there’s a stranger visiting a friend’s house, the family’s acquaintances should make a point to stop by soon.
Never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon whom you have called, but wait for an invitation to do so.
Never offer to go to the room of a sick person you’ve visited; just wait for an invitation to do that.
In receiving morning calls, it is unnecessary for a lady to lay aside any employment, not of an absorbing nature upon which she may happen to be engaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needle-work are perfectly in harmony with the requirements of the hour, and the lady looks much better employed than in absolute idleness.
In receiving morning calls, it’s not necessary for a woman to stop any task, as long as it’s not something that requires her full attention. Doing embroidery, crocheting, or light sewing fits well with the situation, and she looks much better being busy than doing nothing at all.
A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. The display of unusual deference is alone allowable when distinguished rank or reputation or advanced age justifies it.
A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. Showing extra respect is only acceptable when someone's high status, reputation, or older age warrants it.
A guest should take the seat indicated by the hostess. A gentleman should never seat himself on a sofa beside her, nor in a chair in immediate proximity, unless she specially invites him to do so.
A guest should take the seat shown by the hostess. A man should never sit on a sofa next to her, or in a chair close by, unless she specifically invites him to do so.
A lady need not lay aside her bonnet during a formal call, even though urged to do so. If the call be a [Pg 65]friendly and unceremonious one, she may do so if she thinks proper, but not without an invitation.
A woman doesn’t have to take off her hat during a formal visit, even if asked to. If the visit is a [Pg 65] casual and friendly one, she may choose to do so if she feels comfortable, but only if invited.
A gentleman caller must not look at his watch during a call, unless, in doing so, he pleads some engagement and asks to be excused.
A gentleman caller shouldn't check his watch during a visit, unless he's asking to be excused due to a prior commitment.
Formal calls are generally made twice a year; but only once a year is binding, when no invitations have been received that require calls in return.
Formal calls usually take place twice a year; however, only one a year is mandatory if no invitations have been received that require reciprocal calls.
In calling upon a person living at a hotel or boarding-house, it is customary to stop in the parlor and send your card to the room of the person called upon.
When visiting someone at a hotel or boarding house, it’s usual to pause in the lounge and send your card to the guest’s room.
When a person has once risen to take leave, he should not be persuaded to prolong his stay.
When someone gets up to say goodbye, they shouldn't be convinced to stay longer.
Callers should take special pains to make their visits opportune. On the other hand, a lady should always receive her callers, at whatever hour or day they come, if it is possible to do so.
Callers should make a real effort to time their visits well. On the flip side, a lady should always welcome her visitors, no matter what hour or day they arrive, if it's possible.
When a gentleman has called and not found the lady at home, it is civility on the part of the lady, upon the occasion of their next meeting, to express her regret at not seeing him. He should reciprocate the regret, and not reply unthinkingly or awkwardly: "Oh, it made no particular difference," "it was of no great consequence," or words to that effect.
When a gentleman visits and finds the lady not at home, it's polite for her to express her regret about not seeing him when they meet next. He should also acknowledge her feelings and avoid responding thoughtlessly or awkwardly with phrases like, "Oh, it didn't really matter," or "It was no big deal," or anything similar.
After you have visited a friend at her country seat, or after receiving an invitation to visit her, a call is due her upon her return to her town residence. This is one of the occasions when a call should be made promptly and in person, unless you have a reason for wishing to discontinue the acquaintance; even then it would be [Pg 66]more civil to take another opportunity for dropping a friend who wished to show a civility, unless her character has been irretrievably lost in the meantime.
After visiting a friend at her country house, or after getting an invitation to visit her, you should make a call to her when she gets back to her town home. This is one of those times when you should reach out quickly and in person, unless you have a reason for wanting to end the friendship; even then, it would be [Pg 66]more polite to find another chance to distance yourself from someone who was being friendly, unless her reputation has completely declined in the meantime.
The custom of New-Year's calling is prevalent in all cities, and most villages in the country, and so agreeable a custom is it, that it is becoming more in favor every year. This is the day when gentlemen keep up their acquaintanceship with ladies and families, some of whom they are unable to see, probably, during the whole year. Of late it has been customary in many cities to publish in one or more newspapers, a day or two before New Years, a list of the ladies who will receive calls on that day, and from this list gentlemen arrange their calls. For convenience and to add to the pleasure of the day, several ladies frequently unite in receiving calls at the residence of one of their number, but this is usually done when only one or two members of a family can receive. Where there are several members of a family, who can do so, they usually receive at their own home.
The tradition of New Year's calling is common in all cities and many villages in the country, and it’s such a pleasant custom that it’s becoming more popular every year. This is the day when men reconnect with women and families, some of whom they might not see at all during the year. Recently, it has become regular in many cities to publish a list in one or more newspapers a day or two before New Year's, featuring the women who will be open to calls that day, and from this list, men plan their visits. For convenience and to make the day more enjoyable, several women often come together to receive calls at one of their homes, usually when only one or two members of a family can host. When there are multiple family members available, they typically welcome visitors at their own home.
Gentlemen call either singly, in couples, by threes or fours and sometimes even more, in carriages or on foot, as they choose. Calls commence about ten o'clock in the morning, and continue until about nine in the evening. When the gentlemen go in parties, they call upon the lady friends of each, and if all are not acquainted, those who are, introduce the others. The length of a call is usually from five to fifteen minutes, but it is often [Pg 67]governed by circumstances, and may be prolonged to even an hour.
Gentlemen visit either alone, in pairs, in groups of three or four, or even more, arriving by carriage or on foot, as they prefer. Visits start around ten in the morning and go on until about nine in the evening. When gentlemen come in groups, they visit the lady friends of each one, and if not everyone knows each other, those who do will introduce the others. A visit usually lasts between five and fifteen minutes, but it can often be [Pg 67] influenced by circumstances and may extend to even an hour.
Refreshments are usually provided for the callers, and should always be offered, but it is not necessary that they should be accepted. If not accepted, an apology should be tendered, with thanks for the offer. The refreshments may consist of oysters, raw or scalloped, cold meats, salads, fruits, cakes, sandwiches, etc., and hot tea and coffee.
Refreshments are typically offered to visitors and should always be presented, but it's not required for them to accept. If they decline, a polite apology should be given, along with gratitude for the offer. The refreshments can include oysters, whether raw or scalloped, cold cuts, salads, fruits, cakes, sandwiches, and hot tea and coffee.
When callers are ushered into the reception-room, they are met by the ladies, when introductions are given, and the callers are invited to remove their overcoats, but it is optional with them whether they do so or not. It is also optional with them whether they remove their gloves. When gentlemen are introduced to ladies in making New-Year's calls, they are not thereby warranted in calling again upon any of these ladies, unless especially invited to do so. It is the lady's pleasure whether the acquaintance shall be maintained.
When guests enter the reception room, they are greeted by the hostesses, who introduce everyone, and the guests are invited to take off their coats, but it's up to them whether they want to. They can also decide whether to take off their gloves. When men are introduced to women during New Year's visits, it doesn’t mean they can visit these women again unless they are specifically invited to do so. It's up to the woman to decide if the acquaintance should continue.
In making New-Year's calls, a gentleman leaves one card, whatever may be the number of ladies receiving with the hostess. If there is a basket at the door, he leaves a card for each of the ladies at the house, including lady guests of the family, provided there are any. The New-Year's card should not differ from an ordinary calling card. It should be plain, with the name engraved, or printed in neat script. It is not now considered in good taste to have "Happy New Year" or other words upon it, unless it may be the residence of the gentleman, [Pg 68]which may be printed or written in the right hand corner, if deemed desirable. A gentleman does not make calls the first New-Year's after his marriage, but receives at home with his wife.
When making New Year’s visits, a man leaves one card, no matter how many ladies are with the hostess. If there’s a basket at the door, he leaves a card for each lady in the house, including any female guests, if there are any. The New Year’s card should be the same as a regular calling card. It should be simple, with the name engraved or printed in neat handwriting. It’s considered poor taste to have “Happy New Year” or any other words on it, unless it includes the gentleman’s address, [Pg 68]which can be printed or written in the top right corner if desired. A man doesn’t make calls on the first New Year’s after his marriage but instead receives guests at home with his wife.

CHAPTER VI.
Etiquette of Visiting.

OME of the social observances pertaining to visiting away from one's own home, and accepting the hospitalities of friends, are here given, and are applicable to ladies and gentlemen alike.
No one should accept a general invitation for a prolonged visit. "Do come and spend some time with me" may be said with all earnestness and cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning the date should be definitely fixed and the length of time stated.
No one should accept a general invitation for a long visit. "Please come and spend some time with me" might be said with genuine warmth and friendliness, but to make the invitation truly meaningful, the date should be clearly set and the duration specified.
A person who pays a visit upon a general invitation need not be surprised if he finds himself as unwelcome as he is unexpected. His friends may be absent from home, or their house may be already full, or they may not have made arrangements for visitors. From these and other causes they may be greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival.[Pg 70]
Someone who drops by on a general invitation shouldn’t be surprised if they find themselves as unwelcome as they are unexpected. Their friends might not be home, or the house could already be crowded, or they may not have prepared for visitors. For these reasons and others, an unexpected arrival might cause them significant inconvenience.[Pg 70]
It would be well if people would abstain altogether from this custom of giving general invitations, which really mean nothing, and be scrupulous to invite their desired guests at a stated time and for a given period.
It would be better if people stopped the practice of giving vague invitations that don’t mean much, and instead, made a point to invite their chosen guests at a specific time and for a defined period.
If no exact length of time is specified, it is well for visitors to limit a visit to three days or a week, according to the degree of intimacy they may have with the family, or the distance they have come to pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after arrival, so that the host and the hostess may invite a prolongation of the stay if they desire it, or so that they can make their arrangements in accordance. One never likes to ask of a guest, "How long do you intend to remain?" yet it is often most desirable to know.
If no specific length of time is mentioned, it's best for visitors to keep their stay to three days or a week, depending on how close they are with the family or how far they traveled to visit. They should communicate this limit soon after arriving, so the hosts can invite them to stay longer if they wish or can plan accordingly. No one likes to ask a guest, "How long do you plan to stay?" but it’s often really helpful to know.
Offer your guests the best that you have in the way of food and rooms, and express no regrets, and make no excuses that you have nothing better to give them.
Offer your guests the best food and accommodations you have, and show no regrets or make excuses for not having anything better to offer.
Try to make your guests feel at home; and do this, not by urging them in empty words to do so, but by making their stay as pleasant as possible, at the same time being careful to put out of sight any trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause you.
Try to make your guests feel at home, and do this not by telling them empty words to do so, but by making their stay as enjoyable as possible, while also being careful to hide any minor annoyances or inconveniences they might cause you.
Devote as much time as is consistent with other engagements to the amusement and entertainment of your guests.[Pg 71]
Spend as much time as you can, while balancing other commitments, on the fun and entertainment of your guests.[Pg 71]
On the other hand, the visitor should try to conform as much as possible to the habits of the house which temporarily shelters him. He should never object to the hours at which meals are served, nor should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting on his account.
On the other hand, the guest should try to adjust as much as possible to the routines of the household that is temporarily hosting him. He should never complain about the mealtime schedule or keep the family waiting because of him.
It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own apartment in the morning, or at least seek out some occupation or amusement of his own, without seeming to need the assistance or attention of host or hostess; for it is undeniable that these have certain duties which must be attended to at this portion of the day, in order to leave the balance of the time free for the entertainment of their guests.
It’s a good idea for a visitor to head back to their own room in the morning, or at least find something to do that they enjoy, without giving the impression that they need the host or hostess’s help or attention. It’s clear that the hosts have specific responsibilities they need to handle at this time of day so they can have the rest of the day free to entertain their guests.
If any family matters of a private or unpleasant nature come to the knowledge of the guest during his stay, he must seem both blind and deaf, and never refer to them unless the parties interested speak of them first.
If any private or uncomfortable family matters come to the guest’s attention during their stay, they must act like they didn’t see or hear anything, and never mention them unless the people involved bring them up first.
The rule on which a host and hostess should act is to make their guests as much at ease as possible; that on which a visitor should act is to interfere as little as possible with the ordinary routine of the house.
The guideline for a host and hostess is to make their guests feel as comfortable as possible; the guideline for a visitor is to disturb the regular flow of the household as little as possible.
It is not required that a hostess should spend her whole time in the entertainment of her guests. The latter may prefer to be left to their own devices for a portion of the day. On the other hand, it shows the worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself from the family and seek his own amusements and occupations regardless of their desire to join in them or entertain him.[Pg 72]
A hostess doesn't need to spend all her time entertaining her guests. They might actually prefer to be on their own for part of the day. However, it's really bad manners for a guest to isolate themselves from the family and pursue their own fun and activities without considering whether the family wants to join in or entertain them.[Pg 72]
You should try to hold yourself at the disposal of those whom you are visiting. If they propose to you to ride, to drive or walk, you should acquiesce as far as your strength will permit, and do your best to seem pleased at the efforts made to entertain you.
You should try to make yourself available to those you're visiting. If they suggest going for a ride, drive, or walk, you should agree as much as you're able, and do your best to appear pleased with their efforts to entertain you.
You should not accept invitations without consulting your host. You should not call upon the servants to do errands for you, or to wait upon you too much, nor keep the family up after hours of retiring.
You shouldn't accept invitations without checking in with your host first. You also shouldn't ask the staff to run errands for you or serve you too much, and you shouldn't keep the family awake after bedtime.
If you have observed anything to the disadvantage of your friends, while partaking of their hospitality, it should never be mentioned, either while you are under their roof or afterwards. Speak only of what redounds to their praise and credit. This feeling ought to be mutual between host and guest. Whatever good is observed in either may be commented upon, but the curtain of silence must be drawn over their faults.
If you've noticed anything negative about your friends while enjoying their hospitality, you should never bring it up, whether you're at their place or afterwards. Only talk about what reflects positively on them. This sentiment should be shared by both the host and the guest. You can comment on anything good you see in either party, but their faults should remain unspoken.
Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, but at the same time never think of apologizing for any little additional trouble which your visit may occasion. It would imply that you thought your friends incapable of entertaining you without some inconvenience to themselves.
Give as little trouble as possible when you're a guest, but at the same time, never think about apologizing for any extra trouble your visit might cause. It would suggest that you believe your friends can't entertain you without some hassle on their part.
Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no articles of dress or toilet around to give trouble to servants.
Keep your room as tidy as you can, and don’t leave any clothing or toiletries lying around that might create inconvenience for the cleaning staff.
A lady guest will not hesitate to make her own bed, if few or no servants are kept; and in the latter case she will do whatever else she can to lighten the labors of her hostess as a return for the additional exertion her visit occasions.[Pg 73]
A female guest won't think twice about making her own bed if there are few or no servants around; in that case, she'll do whatever else she can to ease her host's workload to thank them for the extra effort her visit requires.[Pg 73]
Any invitation given to a lady guest should also include the hostess, and the guest is justified in declining to accept any invitation unless the hostess is also invited. Invitations received by the hostess should include the guest. Thus, at all places of amusement and entertainment, guest and host may be together.
Any invitation extended to a female guest should also include the hostess, and the guest is right to decline any invitation if the hostess isn’t invited too. Invitations that the hostess receives should include the guest. Therefore, at all venues for entertainment and fun, the guest and host can be together.
A guest should not notice nor find fault with the bad behavior of the children in the household where visiting, and should put up with any of their faults, and overlook any ill-bred or disagreeable actions on their part.
A guest shouldn’t notice or criticize the bad behavior of the children in the home they are visiting, and should tolerate their faults and overlook any rude or unpleasant actions they might display.
If a guest wishes to make a present to any member of the family she is visiting, it should be to the hostess, or if to any of the children, to the youngest in preference, though it is usually better to give it to the mother. Upon returning home, when the guest writes to the hostess, she expresses her thanks for the hospitality, and requests to be remembered to the family.
If a guest wants to give a gift to someone in the family they’re visiting, it should go to the hostess, or if it’s for the kids, it’s better to give it to the youngest, although it's generally best to give it to the mother. After returning home, when the guest writes to the hostess, she thanks her for the hospitality and asks to be remembered to the family.
If you are a guest, you must be very cautious as to the treatment of the friends of your host or hostess. If you do not care to be intimate with them, you must be careful not to show a dislike for them, or that you wish to avoid them. You must be exceedingly polite and agree[Pg 74]able to them, avoiding any special familiarity, and keep them at a distance without hurting their feelings. Do not say to your host or hostess that you do not like any of their friends.
If you're a guest, you need to be very careful about how you treat your host or hostess's friends. If you don't want to get close to them, make sure not to show any dislike or that you're trying to avoid them. You should be extremely polite and agreeable to them, steering clear of any special familiarity, while keeping a distance without hurting their feelings. Don't tell your host or hostess that you don't like any of their friends.
Upon taking leave, express the pleasure you have experienced in your visit. Upon returning home it is an act of courtesy to write and inform your friends of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your thanks.
Upon leaving, share how much you enjoyed your visit. When you get back home, it's polite to write and let your friends know you've arrived safely, while also expressing your gratitude again.
A host and hostess should do all they can to make the visit of a friend agreeable; they should urge him to stay as long as it is consistent with his own plans, and at the same time convenient to themselves. But when the time for departure has been fully fixed upon, no obstacle should be placed in the way of leave-taking. Help him in every possible way to depart, at the same time giving him a cordial invitation to renew the visit at some future period.
A host and hostess should do everything they can to make a friend's visit enjoyable; they should encourage them to stay as long as it fits their own plans and is convenient for them. However, when the departure time has been set, no barriers should be put up against leaving. Assist them in every way possible to ensure they can leave easily, while also warmly inviting them to come back for another visit in the future.
expresses the true spirit of hospitality.
expresses the true spirit of hospitality.

CHAPTER VII.
Visiting and Calling Cards.

N authentic writer upon visiting cards says: "To the unrefined or underbred, the visiting card is but a trifling and insignificant bit of paper; but to the cultured disciple of social law, it conveys a subtle and unmistakable intelligence. Its texture, style of engraving, and even the hour of leaving it combine to place the stranger, whose name it bears, in a pleasant or a disagreeable attitude, even before his manners, conversation and face have been able to explain his social position. The higher the civilization of a community, the more careful it is to preserve the elegance of its social forms. It is quite as easy to express a perfect breeding in the fashionable formalities of cards, as by any other method, and perhaps, indeed, it is the safest herald of an introduction for a stranger. Its texture should be fine, its engraving a plain script, its size neither too small, so that its recipients shall say to themselves, 'A whimsical person,' nor too large to suggest [Pg 76]ostentation. Refinement seldom touches extremes in anything."
A card used in calling should have nothing upon it but the name of the caller. A lady's card should not bear her place of residence; such cards having, of late, been appropriated by the members of the demi-monde. The street and number always look better upon the card of the husband than upon that of the wife. When necessary, they can be added in pencil on the cards of the wife and daughter. A business card should never be used for a friendly call. A physician may put the prefix "Dr.," or the affix "M.D.," upon his card, and an army or navy officer his rank and branch of service.
A calling card should only have the caller's name on it. A woman's card shouldn't include her address; those cards have, lately, been taken up by members of the demi-monde. The street and number always look better on the husband's card than on the wife's. If needed, they can be added in pencil on the cards for the wife and daughter. A business card should never be used for a social visit. A doctor can include the prefix "Dr." or the suffix "M.D." on his card, and an army or navy officer can add his rank and branch of service.
Wedding cards are only sent to those people whom the newly married couple desire to keep among their acquaintances, and it is then the duty of those receiving the cards to call first on the young couple.
Wedding cards are only sent to the people that the newlyweds want to keep in their lives, and it's then the responsibility of those receiving the cards to be the first to visit the young couple.
An ancient custom, but one which has been recently revived, is for the friends of the bride and groom to send cards; these are of great variety in size and design, and resemble Christmas or Easter cards but are usually more artistic.
An old tradition that has recently made a comeback is for the friends of the bride and groom to send cards. These cards come in a wide range of sizes and designs, resembling Christmas or Easter cards but are typically more artistic.
A very charming custom that is coming into vogue is the giving or sending of Easter and Christmas cards. These are of such elegant designs and variety of colors [Pg 77]that the stationer takes great pride in decorating his shop windows with them; indeed some of them are so elegant as to resemble oil paintings. Books and other small offerings may accompany cards as a token of remembrance.
A very charming trend that's becoming popular is sending or giving Easter and Christmas cards. They come in such elegant designs and a variety of colors [Pg 77] that stationery shops take great pride in decorating their windows with them; some cards are so beautiful that they look like oil paintings. Books and other small gifts can also be included with the cards as a token of remembrance.
A person may make a card serve the purpose of a call, and it may either be sent in an envelope, by messenger or left in person. If left in person, one corner should be turned down. To indicate that a call is made on all or several members of the family; the card for the lady of the house is folded in the middle. If guests are visiting at the house, a card is left for each guest.
A person can use a card like a call, and it can be sent in an envelope, delivered by a messenger, or handed over in person. If handed over in person, one corner should be folded down. To show that a call is made on all or several family members, the card for the lady of the house is folded in half. If guests are staying at the house, a card is left for each guest.
To return a call made in person with a card inclosed in an envelope, is an intimation that visiting between the parties is ended. Those who leave or send their cards with no such intention, should not inclose them in an envelope. An exception to this rule is where they are sent in return to the newly married living in other cities, or in answering wedding cards forwarded when absent from home. P.P.C. cards are also sent in this way, and are the only cards that it is as yet universally considered admissible to send by post.
To return a call made in person with a card enclosed in an envelope signals that visits between the parties are over. Those who leave or send their cards without this intention shouldn't enclose them in an envelope. An exception to this rule is when they are sent back to newlyweds living in different cities, or in response to wedding cards sent when someone is away from home. P.P.C. cards are also sent this way and are currently the only cards that are generally accepted to be sent by mail.
A medium sized is in better taste than a very large card for married persons. Cards bearing the name of the husband alone are smaller. The cards of unmarried [Pg 78]men should also be small. The engraving in simple writing is preferred, and without flourishes. Nothing in cards can be more commonplace than large printed letters, be the type what it may. Young men should dispense with the "Mr." before their names.
A medium-sized card is more appropriate than a very large one for married couples. Cards that only display the husband’s name are smaller. The cards for unmarried men should also be small. Simple writing for the engraving is preferred, without any fancy designs. There’s nothing more basic than large printed letters, no matter what type it is. Young men should skip the "Mr." before their names.

CORNERS OF CARDS TURNED DOWN.
The signification of turning down the corners of cards are:
The meaning of bending down the corners of cards is:
Visite—The right hand upper corner.
Visit—Top right corner.
Felicitation—The left hand upper corner.
Congratulations—The top left corner.
Condolence—The left hand lower corner.
Condolences—The bottom left corner.
P.P.C. }
To Take Leave } The right hand lower corner.
P.P.C.
To Take Leave } The lower right corner.
Card, right hand end turned down—Delivered in Person.
[Pg 79]
Card, right hand end turned down—Delivered in Person.
[Pg 79]
The name of young ladies are sometimes printed or engraved on their mother's cards; both in script. It is, of course, allowable, for the daughter to have cards of her own.
The names of young women are sometimes printed or engraved on their mother's cards, both in cursive. It's perfectly fine for the daughter to have her own cards.
Some ladies have adopted the fashion of having the daughter's name on the same card with their own and their husband's names.
Some women have started the trend of including their daughter's name on the same card as their own and their husband’s names.
Glazed cards are quite out of fashion, as are cards and note paper with gilt edges. The fashion in cards, however, change so often, that what is in style one year, may not be the next.
Glazed cards are pretty outdated, just like cards and stationery with gold edges. However, the trends in cards change so frequently that what’s in style one year might not be the next.
A card left at a farewell visit, before a long protracted absence, has "P.P.C." (Pour Prendre Conge) written in one corner. It is not necessary to deliver such cards in person, for they may be sent by a messenger, or by post if necessary. P.P.C. cards are not left when the absence from home is only for a few months, nor by persons starting in mid-summer for a foreign country, as residents are then supposed to be out of town. They are sent to or left with friends by ladies just previous to their contemplated marriage to serve the purpose of a call.
A card left during a farewell visit, before a long absence, has "P.P.C." (Pour Prendre Conge) written in one corner. It's not necessary to deliver these cards in person; they can be sent by a messenger or by mail if needed. P.P.C. cards aren't left when the absence from home is only for a few months, nor are they given by people leaving in the middle of summer for a foreign country, as it's assumed residents are out of town during that time. They're sent to or left with friends by women just before their upcoming marriage to fulfill the purpose of a call.
Cards of congratulation must be left in person, or a congratulatory note, if desired, can be made to serve [Pg 80]instead of a call; excepting upon the newly married. Calls in person are due to them, and to the parents who have invited you to the marriage. When there has been a reception after the ceremony, which you have been unable to attend, but have sent cards by some member of your family, your cards need not again represent you until they have been returned, with the new residence announced; but a call is due to the parents or relatives who have given the reception. When no wedding cards are sent you, nor the card of the bridegroom, you cannot call without being considered intrusive. One month after the birth of a child the call of congratulation is made by acquaintances.
Cards of congratulations should be delivered in person, or you can send a congratulatory note instead of making a call if you prefer [Pg 80], except for the newly married couple. In that case, personal visits are expected for them, as well as for the parents who invited you to the wedding. If there was a reception after the ceremony that you couldn't attend but sent cards with a family member, you don’t need to send cards again until they’ve been returned with the new address announced; however, a visit is expected to the parents or relatives who hosted the reception. If you haven't received wedding cards or the card from the groom, visiting would be seen as intrusive. Friends typically make congratulatory visits one month after a child is born.
In making the first calls of the season (in the autumn) both ladies and gentlemen should leave a card each, at every house called upon, even if the ladies are receiving. The reason of this is that where a lady is receiving morning calls, it would be too great a tax upon her memory to oblige her to keep in mind what calls she has to return or which of them have been returned, and in making out lists for inviting informally, it is often the card-stand which is first searched for bachelors' cards, to meet the emergency. Young men should be careful to write their street and number on their cards.
In making the first calls of the season (in the autumn), both ladies and gentlemen should leave a card at each house they visit, even if the ladies are available to receive guests. The reason for this is that when a lady is receiving morning calls, it can be too much for her memory to remember which calls she needs to return or which have already been returned. When putting together lists for informal invitations, the card stand is often the first place looked to find bachelors' cards to address the situation. Young men should make sure to include their street and number on their cards.
After an invitation, cards must be left upon those who have sent it, whether it is accepted or not. They must [Pg 81]be left in person, and if it is desired to end the acquaintance the cards can be left without inquiring whether the ladies are at home.
After receiving an invitation, you must leave cards for the people who sent it, whether you accept the invitation or not. They must [Pg 81]be delivered in person, and if you want to end the relationship, you can leave the cards without checking if the ladies are home.
Gentlemen should not expect to receive invitations from ladies with whom they are only on terms of formal visiting, until the yearly or autumnal call has been made, or until their cards have been left to represent themselves.
Gentlemen shouldn't expect to get invitations from ladies they only have a formal visiting relationship with, until the annual or fall call has been made, or until their cards have been left to stand in for them.
These are a loving tribute to the memory of the departed; an English custom rapidly gaining favor with us; it announces to friends the death, of which they might remain in ignorance but for this mark of respect:
These are a heartfelt tribute to the memory of those who have passed away; a British tradition that is quickly becoming popular with us; it informs friends of the death, which they might remain unaware of without this sign of respect:

Cards of condolence left by mere acquaintances must be returned by "mourning cards" before such persons feel at liberty to make a call. When the bereaved are ready to receive calls (instead of the cards) of their acquaintances, "mourning cards" in envelopes, or otherwise, are returned to all those who have left their cards since the death, which was the occasion of the cards being left. Intimate friends, of course, do not wait for cards, but continue their calls, without regard to any ceremonious observances made for the protection of the bereaved. Acquaintances leaving cards should inquire after the health of the family, leaving the cards in person.
Cards of condolence left by casual acquaintances must be acknowledged with "mourning cards" before those individuals feel comfortable making a visit. When the grieving family is ready to accept visits from their acquaintances (instead of just cards), "mourning cards" in envelopes or otherwise are sent back to everyone who left their cards since the passing that prompted the cards. Close friends, however, don’t wait for cards and continue to visit without worrying about any formalities meant to protect the bereaved. Acquaintances who leave cards should also check on the family's health and deliver the cards in person.
On announcement of a death it is correct to call in person at the door; to make inquiries and leave your card, with lower left hand corner turned down. Unless close intimacy exists, it is not usage to ask to see the afflicted. Cards can be sent to express sympathy, but notes of condolence are permissible only from intimate friends.
On hearing about a death, it's appropriate to visit in person; ask how they're doing and leave your card with the bottom left corner folded down. Unless you’re very close, it's not usual to ask to see the person who is grieving. You can send cards to express sympathy, but notes of condolence should only come from close friends.
When only the family and the most intimate friends of a bride and bridegroom have been included in the invitation for the marriage, or where there has been no reception after the marriage at church, the bridegroom often sends his bachelor card (inclosed in an envelope) to those of his acquaintances with whom he wishes to continue on visiting terms. Those who receive a card [Pg 83]should call on the bride, within ten days after she has taken possession of her home. Some persons have received such a card as an intimation that the card was to end the acquaintance. This mistake shows the necessity of a better understanding of social customs.
When only the family and closest friends of a bride and groom are invited to the wedding, or if there isn't a reception at the church after the marriage, the groom often sends his bachelor card (included in an envelope) to those acquaintances he wants to stay in touch with. Those who receive a card [Pg 83] should visit the bride within ten days after she moves into her new home. Some people have mistakenly interpreted receiving such a card as a sign that they are being cut off from the acquaintance. This misunderstanding highlights the need for a clearer understanding of social customs.

CHAPTER VIII.
Conversation.

HE character of a person is revealed by his conversation as much as by any one quality he possesses, for strive as he may he cannot always be acting.
To be able to converse well is an attainment which should be cultivated by every intelligent man and woman. It is better to be a good talker than a good singer or musician, because the former is more widely appreciated, and the company of a person who is able to talk well on a great variety of subjects, is much sought after. The importance, therefore, of cultivating the art of conversation, cannot easily be over-estimated. It should be the aim of all intelligent persons to acquire the habit of talking sensibly and with facility upon all topics of general interest to society, so that they may both interest others and be themselves interested, in whatever company they may chance to be thrown.[Pg 85]
Being able to have a good conversation is a skill that every smart person should develop. It’s more valuable to be a great communicator than to be a talented singer or musician because the former is more widely appreciated, and people often seek out the company of those who can discuss a wide range of topics. Therefore, the importance of honing the art of conversation can’t be overstated. All intelligent individuals should strive to develop the ability to speak thoughtfully and easily about various subjects of general interest, so they can both engage others and find enjoyment themselves, no matter what company they find themselves in.[Pg 85]
The training for this should be commenced in early childhood. Parents should not only encourage their children to express themselves freely upon everything that attracts their attention and interests them, but they should also incite their faculties of perception, memory and close observation, by requiring them to recount everything, even to its minutest details, that they may have observed in walking to and from school, or in taking a ride in a carriage or in the cars. By training a child to a close observation of everything he meets or passes, his mind becomes very active, and the habit having once been acquired, he becomes interested in a great variety of objects; sees more and enjoys more than one who has not been so trained.
The training for this should start in early childhood. Parents should not only encourage their kids to freely express themselves about everything that catches their attention and interests them, but they should also stimulate their skills in perception, memory, and close observation. They can do this by asking them to describe everything, even the smallest details, that they may have noticed while walking to and from school or during a carriage or train ride. By training a child to closely observe everything they encounter, their mind becomes very active, and once this habit is formed, they become interested in a wide variety of objects; they see more and enjoy more than those who haven’t received this training.
A good memory is an invaluable aid in acquiring the art of conversation, and the cultivation and training of this faculty is a matter of importance. Early youth is the proper time to begin this training, and parents and teachers should give special attention to the cultivation of memory. When children are taken to church, or to hear a lecture, they should be required to relate or to write down from memory, such a digest of the sermon or lecture as they can remember. Adults may also adopt this plan for cultivating the memory, and they will be surprised to find how continued practice in this will improve this faculty. The practice of taking notes [Pg 86]impairs rather than aids the memory, for then a person relies almost entirely in the notes taken, and does not tax the memory sufficiently. A person should also train himself to remember the names of persons whom he becomes acquainted with, so as to recall them whenever or wherever he may subsequently meet them. It is related of a large wholesale boot and shoe merchant of an eastern city, that he was called upon one day by one of his best customers, residing in a distant city, whom he had frequently met, but whose name, at the time, he could not recall, and received his order for a large bill of goods. As he was about to leave, the merchant asked his name, when the customer indignantly replied that he supposed he was known by a man from whom he had purchased goods for many years, and countermanding his order, he left the store, deaf to all attempts at explanation. Though this may be an extreme case, it illustrates the importance of remembering the names of people when circumstances require it.
A good memory is an invaluable aid in developing conversation skills, and working on this ability is important. Early childhood is the right time to start this training, and parents and teachers should focus on improving memory. When children attend church or listen to a lecture, they should be encouraged to recount or write down a summary of what they remember from the sermon or lecture. Adults can also adopt this method to improve their memory, and they might be surprised at how much consistent practice can enhance this ability. Taking notes [Pg 86] can actually harm memory rather than help it, as people then tend to rely on their notes and don’t challenge their memory enough. It's also important to train oneself to remember the names of people you meet, so you can recall them whenever you see them again. There’s a story about a large wholesale boot and shoe merchant in an eastern city who was visited one day by one of his best customers from a distant city. He had met this customer many times before but couldn’t remember his name at that moment. After placing a large order, the merchant asked for the customer’s name, and the customer indignantly replied that he thought a man he had been buying from for years would know him. He then canceled his order and left the store, ignoring all attempts at explanation. While this is an extreme case, it demonstrates how crucial it is to remember names when the situation calls for it.
One secret of Henry Clay's popularity as a politician was his faculty of remembering the names of persons he had met. It is said of him that if he was once introduced to a person, he was ever afterwards able to call him by name, and recount the circumstances of their first meeting. This faculty he cultivated after he entered upon the practice of law in Kentucky, and soon after he began his political life. At that time his memory for names was very poor, and he resolved to improve it.[Pg 87] He adopted the practice, just before retiring at night, of recalling the names of all the persons he had met during the day, writing them in a note book, and repeating over the list the next morning. By this practice, he acquired in time, his wonderful faculty in remembering the names of persons he had become acquainted with.
One key to Henry Clay's popularity as a politician was his ability to remember the names of people he had met. It’s said that if he was introduced to someone once, he could always remember their name and recount the details of their first meeting. He worked on this skill after starting his law practice in Kentucky and shortly after entering politics. At that time, his memory for names was quite poor, and he decided to improve it.[Pg 87] He started a routine where, just before going to bed, he would list the names of everyone he had met that day in a notebook and review the list the following morning. Through this method, he eventually developed an incredible ability to remember the names of people he became acquainted with.
To converse correctly—to use correct language in conversation—is also a matter of importance, and while this can be acquired by a strict attention to grammatical rules, it can be greatly facilitated by the habit of writing down one's thoughts. In writing, strict regard is, or should be, paid to the correct use of language, and when a person, from constant writing, acquires the habit of using correct language, this habit will follow him in talking. A person who is accustomed to much writing, will always be found to use language correctly in speaking.
To speak properly—using the right language in conversation—is important, and while you can learn this by sticking to grammatical rules, it can be much easier if you regularly write down your thoughts. When you write, you should pay close attention to using language correctly, and if someone gets into the habit of writing often, they'll naturally use correct language when they talk as well. Someone who writes a lot will generally be found to speak correctly too.
To be a good talker then, one should be possessed of much general information, acquired by keen observation, attentive listening, a good memory, extensive reading and study, logical habits of thought, and have a correct knowledge of the use of language. He should also aim at a clear intonation, well chosen phraseology and correct accent. These acquirements are within the reach of every person of ordinary ability, who has a determination to possess them, and the energy and perseverance to carry out that determination.[Pg 88]
To be a great conversationalist, you should have a lot of general knowledge gained through sharp observation, active listening, a good memory, wide reading, and study. You also need to think logically and have a solid understanding of language use. Additionally, you should strive for clear articulation, well-chosen expressions, and correct pronunciation. These skills are achievable for anyone with average abilities who is determined to develop them and has the energy and perseverance to follow through on that commitment.[Pg 88]
In conversation, one must scrupulously guard against vulgarisms. Simplicity and terseness of language are the characteristics of a well educated and highly cultivated person. It is the uneducated or those who are but half educated, who use long words and high-sounding phrases. A hyperbolical way of speaking is mere flippancy, and should be avoided. Such phrases as "awfully pretty," "immensely jolly," "abdominally stupid," "disgustingly mean," are of this nature, and should be avoided. Awkwardness of attitude is equally as bad as awkwardness of speech. Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, handling an eye-glass or watch chain and the like, give an air of gaucherie, and take off a certain percentage from the respect of others.
In conversation, you should be careful to avoid any crude language. Using clear and concise language reflects the traits of a well-educated and refined person. It's the uneducated or those who are only partially educated who tend to use complicated words and pretentious phrases. Speaking in an exaggerated way comes off as shallow and should be avoided. Phrases like "really pretty," "super fun," "ridiculously dumb," and "really mean" fall into this category and should be left out. Being awkward in your posture is just as bad as being awkward in your speech. Slouching, waving your hands around, fidgeting, playing with a pair of glasses or a watch chain, and similar behaviors can come off as clumsy and diminish the respect others have for you.
The habit of listening with interest and attention is one which should be specially cultivated. Even if the talker is prosy and prolix, the well-bred person will appear interested, and at appropriate intervals make such remarks as shall show that he has heard and understood all that has been said. Some superficial people are apt to style this hypocrisy; but if it is, it is certainly a commendable hypocrisy, directly founded on that strict rule of good manners which commands us to show the same courtesy to others that we hope to receive ourselves. We are commanded to check our impulses, conceal our dislikes, and even modify our likings whenever or wher[Pg 89]ever these are liable to give offense or pain to others. The person who turns away with manifest displeasure, disgust or want of interest when another is addressing him, is guilty not only of an ill-bred, but a cruel act.
The habit of listening with genuine interest and attention is one that should be specially nurtured. Even if the speaker is dull and long-winded, a well-mannered person will appear engaged and, at appropriate times, make comments that show they have heard and understood everything that has been said. Some superficial people might call this hypocrisy; but if it is, it’s certainly a commendable hypocrisy, based on the essential rule of good manners that requires us to show the same courtesy to others that we hope to receive ourselves. We are expected to control our impulses, hide our dislikes, and even adjust our preferences whenever they might cause offense or discomfort to others. A person who turns away with obvious displeasure, disgust, or lack of interest while someone is speaking to them is committing not only a rude but also a cruel act.
In conversation all provincialism, affectations of foreign accents, mannerisms, exaggerations and slang are detestable. Equally to be avoided are inaccuracies of expression, hesitation, an undue use of foreign words, and anything approaching to flippancy, coarseness, triviality or provocation. Gentlemen sometimes address ladies in a very flippant manner, which the latter are obliged to pass over without notice, for various reasons, while inwardly they rebel. Many a worthy man has done himself an irreparable injury by thus creating a lasting prejudice in the minds of those whom he might have made his friends, had he addressed them as though he considered them rational beings, capable of sustaining their part in a conversation upon sensible subjects. Flippancy is as much an evidence of ill-breeding as is the perpetual smile, the wandering eye, the vacant stare, and the half-opened mouth of the man who is preparing to break in upon the conversation.
In conversation, all forms of provincialism, fake foreign accents, odd behaviors, exaggerations, and slang are annoying. It’s also best to steer clear of unclear expressions, hesitation, excessive use of foreign words, and anything that seems casual, crude, trivial, or provocative. Sometimes, gentlemen speak to ladies in a very casual way, which the ladies must ignore for various reasons, even though they feel uncomfortable about it. Many decent men have harmed their own reputation by creating a lasting negative impression in the minds of those who could have become their friends had they treated them like logical individuals, capable of engaging in thoughtful discussions. Casualness reflects poor manners just as much as a constant smile, a wandering gaze, a blank stare, and a half-open mouth of someone getting ready to interrupt a conversation.
Do not go into society unless you make up your mind to be sympathetic, unselfish, animating, as well as animated. Society does not require mirth, but it does demand cheerfulness and unselfishness, and you must [Pg 90]help to make and sustain cheerful conversation. The manner of conversation is as important as the matter.
Don't engage with society unless you are ready to be sympathetic, selfless, uplifting, and lively. Society doesn't need laughter, but it does expect cheerfulness and selflessness, and you must [Pg 90] contribute to creating and maintaining cheerful discussions. The way you talk is just as important as what you say.
Compliments are said by some to be inadmissible. But between equals, or from those of superior position to those of inferior station, compliments should be not only acceptable but gratifying. It is pleasant to know that our friends think well of us, and it is always agreeable to know that we are thought well of by those who hold higher positions, such as men of superior talent, or women of superior culture. Compliments which are not sincere, are only flattery and should be avoided; but the saying of kind things, which is natural to the kind heart, and which confers pleasure, should be cultivated, at least not suppressed. Those parents who strive most for the best mode of training their children are said to have found that it is never wise to censure them for a fault, without preparing the way by some judicious mention of their good qualities.
Some people say that compliments aren't appropriate. However, between equals, or when someone in a higher position compliments someone in a lower position, they should be not only welcome but also appreciated. It’s nice to know that our friends have a good opinion of us, and it’s always nice to feel valued by those who are more accomplished, like talented men or cultured women. Insincere compliments are just flattery and should be avoided; however, expressing kind words, which comes naturally to a kind-hearted person and brings joy, should be encouraged, not suppressed. Parents who strive to raise their children in the best way often find that it's not wise to criticize them for a mistake without first highlighting their good qualities.
All slang is vulgar. It lowers the tone of society and the standard of thought. It is a great mistake to suppose that slang is in any manner witty. Only the very young or the uncultivated so consider it.
All slang is crude. It brings down the quality of society and the level of thinking. It's a big mistake to think that slang is clever in any way. Only the very young or unrefined people believe that.
Do not be guilty of flattery. The flattery of those richer than ourselves or better born is vulgar, and born [Pg 91]of rudeness, and is sure to be received as emanating from unworthy motives. Testify your respect, your admiration, and your gratitude by deeds more than words. Words are easy but deeds are difficult. Few will believe the former, but the latter will carry confirmation with them.
Do not engage in flattery. Complimenting those who are wealthier or come from better backgrounds is crass and impolite, and will probably be seen as having insincere motives. Show your respect, admiration, and gratitude through actions rather than just words. Words are easy to say, but actions are hard to take. Few will trust the former, but the latter will serve as proof.
Scandal is the least excusable of all conversational vulgarities. Envy prompts the tongue of the slanderer. Jealousy is the disturber of the harmony of all interests. A writer on this subject says: "Gossip is a troublesome sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears and never bites deep; slander is the beast of prey that leaps upon you from its den and tears you in pieces. Slander is the proper object of rage; gossip of contempt." Those who best understand the nature of gossip and slander, if the victims of both, will take no notice of the former, but will allow no slander of themselves to go unrefuted during their lifetime, to spring up in a hydra-headed attack upon their children. No woman can be too sensitive as to any charges affecting her moral character, whether in the influence of her companionship, or in the influence of her writings.
Scandal is the least forgivable of all conversational offenses. Envy fuels the words of the slanderer. Jealousy disrupts the harmony of all interests. A writer on this topic states: "Gossip is a pesky little bug that just buzzes around your ears and never really hurts you; slander is the predator that jumps at you from its hiding place and rips you apart. Slander deserves our anger; gossip deserves our scorn." Those who truly understand the nature of gossip and slander, especially if they are victims of both, will ignore the former but will not let any slander directed at them go unchallenged during their lifetime, so it doesn’t resurface later to harm their children. No woman can be overly sensitive about any accusations related to her character, whether due to her associations or her writings.
Religion and politics are topics that should never be introduced into general conversation, for they are subjects dangerous to harmony. Persons are most likely to differ, and least likely to preserve their tempers on [Pg 92]these topics. Long arguments in general company, however entertaining to the disputants, are very tiresome to the hearers.
Religion and politics are subjects that should never come up in casual conversation because they can disrupt harmony. People tend to disagree on these topics and are least likely to keep their cool on [Pg 92]them. Long debates in mixed company, while engaging for those arguing, can be extremely dull for the listeners.
Young persons appear ridiculous when satirizing or ridiculing books, people or things. Opinions to be worth the consideration of others should have the advantage of coming from mature persons. Cultivated people are not in the habit of resorting to such weapons as satire and ridicule. They find too much to correct in themselves to indulge in coarse censure of the conduct of others, who may not have had advantages equal to their own.
Young people seem foolish when they mock or make fun of books, people, or things. For opinions to be valuable to others, they should come from mature individuals. Educated people don't usually rely on satire and ridicule. They have too much to improve in themselves to engage in harsh criticism of others, who may not have had the same advantages.
In addressing persons with titles always add the name; as "what do you think of it, Doctor Hayes?" not "what do you think of it, Doctor?" In speaking of foreigners the reverse of the English rule is observed. No matter what the title of a Frenchman is, he is always addressed as Monsieur, and you never omit the word Madame, whether addressing a duchess or a dressmaker. The former is "Madame la Duchesse," the latter plain "Madame." Always give a foreigner his title. If General Sherman travels in Europe and is received by the best classes with the dignity that his worth, culture and position as an American general demand, he will never be called Mr. Sherman, but his title will invariably precede his name. There are persons who fancy that the omission of the title is annoying to the party who pos[Pg 93]sesses it, but this is not the ground taken why the title should be given, but because it reveals either ignorance or ill-breeding on the part of those omitting it.
When addressing people with titles, always include their name; for example, say "What do you think of it, Doctor Hayes?" instead of just "What do you think of it, Doctor?" In conversations about foreigners, the English rule is flipped. Regardless of a French person's title, they are always addressed as Monsieur, and you should never skip the word Madame, whether you're speaking to a duchess or a dressmaker. The former is "Madame la Duchesse," while the latter is simply "Madame." Always use a foreigner's title. If General Sherman travels in Europe and is welcomed by high society with the respect that his accomplishments, culture, and position as an American general warrant, he will never be called Mr. Sherman; instead, his title will always come before his name. Some people think that leaving out the title annoys the person who has it, but that's not the reason to use the title; it's because omitting it shows either ignorance or poor manners on the part of those who leave it out.
There is a class of persons, who from ignorance of the customs of good society, or from carelessness, speak of persons by their Christian names, who are neither relations nor intimate friends. This is a familiarity which, outside of the family circle, and beyond friends of the closest intimacy, is never indulged in by the well-bred.
There are people who, either out of ignorance of social norms or simply carelessness, refer to others by their first names, even when they are neither family nor close friends. This kind of familiarity, outside of family and very close friends, is never practiced by those who are well-mannered.
Interruption of the speech of others is a great sin against good-breeding. It has been aptly said that if you interrupt a speaker in the middle of a sentence, you act almost as rudely as if, when walking with a companion, you were to thrust yourself before him and stop his progress.
Interrupting someone else's speech is a major breach of manners. It's been rightly pointed out that if you cut someone off in the middle of a sentence, it's almost as disrespectful as stepping in front of a friend while walking and blocking their way.
The great secret of talking well is to adapt your conversation, as skillfully as may be, to your company. Some men make a point of talking commonplace to all ladies alike, as if a woman could only be a trifler. Others, on the contrary, seem to forget in what respects the education of a lady differs from that of a gentleman, and commit the opposite error of conversing on topics with which ladies are seldom acquainted, and in which few, if any, are ever interested. A woman of sense has [Pg 94]as much right to be annoyed by the one, as a woman of ordinary education by the other. If you really wish to be thought agreeable, sensible, amiable, unselfish and even well-informed, you should lead the way, in tete-a-tete conversations, for sportsmen to talk of their shooting, a mother to talk of her children, a traveler of his journeys and the countries he has visited, a young lady of her last ball and the prospective ones, an artist of his picture and an author of his book. To show any interest in the immediate concerns of people is very complimentary, and when not in general society one is privileged to do this. People take more interest in their own affairs than in anything else you can name, and if you manifest an interest to hear, there are but few who will not sustain conversation by a narration of their affairs in some form or another. Thackeray says: "Be interested by other people and by their affairs. It is because you yourself are selfish that that other person's self does not interest you."
The key to good conversation is to tailor your discussions to the people you're with. Some guys just chat about boring topics with all women, acting like they think all women are shallow. Others forget that a woman's education can be different from a man's, and they end up discussing subjects that women rarely know about and that few are actually interested in. A sensible woman has every right to be annoyed by the first type of conversation just as much as a woman with a basic education would be by the second. If you want to come across as pleasant, smart, friendly, selfless, and well-informed, you should steer the conversation. In one-on-one chats, sports enthusiasts can discuss their hunting, a mother can share stories about her kids, a traveler can talk about their adventures and the places they've seen, a young woman can recount her latest dance or the exciting ones coming up, an artist can discuss their work, and an author can share insights about their book. Showing genuine interest in what others are dealing with is very flattering, and outside of big social settings, it's totally acceptable to do so. People care more about their own lives than anything else you can mention, and if you show you want to listen, most will be happy to talk about their experiences in one way or another. Thackeray once said: "Be interested in other people and their lives. It's your own selfishness that makes you uninterested in theirs."
The correct use of words is indispensable to a good talker who would escape the unfavorable criticism of an educated listener. There are many words and phrases, used in some cases by persons who have known better, but who have become careless from association with others who make constant use of them. "Because that" and "but that" should never be used in connection, the word "that" being entirely superfluous. The word "vocation" is often used for "avocation." "Unhealthy" food is spoken of when it should be "unwholesome."[Pg 95] "Had not ought to" is sometimes heard for "ought not to;" "banister" for "baluster;" "handsful" and "spoonsful" for "handfuls" and "spoonfuls;" "it was him" for "it was he;" "it was me" for "it was I;" "whom do you think was there?" for "who do you think was there?"; "a mutual friend" for "a common friend;" "like I did" instead of "as I did;" "those sort of things" instead of "this sort of things;" "laying down" for "lying down;" "setting on a chair" for "sitting on a chair;" "try and make him" instead of "try to make him;" "she looked charmingly" for "she looked charming;" "loan" for "lend;" "to get along" instead of "to get on;" "cupalo" instead of "cupola;" "who" for "whom"—as, "who did you see" for "whom did you see;" double negatives, as, "he did not do neither of those things;" "lesser" for "least;" "move" instead of "remove;" "off-set" instead of "set-off," and many other words which are often carelessly used by those who have been better taught, as well as by those who are ignorant of their proper use.
The proper use of words is essential for a good speaker who wants to avoid negative criticism from an educated listener. Many words and phrases are used, sometimes by people who know better but have become careless due to their association with others who use them all the time. "Because that" and "but that" should never be paired together since "that" is unnecessary. The term "vocation" is often confused with "avocation." "Unhealthy" food is referred to when it should be "unwholesome." [Pg 95] "Had not ought to" is sometimes heard instead of "ought not to;" "banister" used for "baluster;" "handsful" and "spoonsful" for "handfuls" and "spoonfuls;" "it was him" for "it was he;" "it was me" for "it was I;" "whom do you think was there?" for "who do you think was there?"; "a mutual friend" instead of "a common friend;" "like I did" instead of "as I did;" "those sort of things" instead of "this sort of thing;" "laying down" for "lying down;" "setting on a chair" for "sitting on a chair;" "try and make him" instead of "try to make him;" "she looked charmingly" for "she looked charming;" "loan" used for "lend;" "to get along" instead of "to get on;" "cupalo" instead of "cupola;" "who" for "whom"—as in, "who did you see" for "whom did you see;" double negatives like, "he did not do neither of those things;" "lesser" for "least;" "move" instead of "remove;" "off-set" instead of "set-off," and many other words commonly misused by those who have been better educated, as well as those unaware of their proper use.
Certain honest but unthinking people often commit the grievous mistake of "speaking their mind" on all occasions and under all circumstances, and oftentimes to the great mortification of their hearers. And especially do they take credit to themselves for their courage, if their freedom of speech happens to give offense to any of them. A little reflection ought to show how cruel and unjust this is. The law restrains us [Pg 96]from inflicting bodily injury upon those with whom we disagree, yet there is no legal preventive against this wounding of the feeling of others.
Certain honest but thoughtless people often make the serious mistake of "speaking their mind" at all times and in all situations, which often causes great embarrassment to their listeners. They even take pride in their bravery if their candor offends anyone. A little reflection should reveal how cruel and unfair this is. The law prevents us [Pg 96] from causing physical harm to those we disagree with, yet there’s no legal barrier against hurting the feelings of others.
Another class of people, actuated by the best of intentions, seem to consider it a duty to parade their opinions upon all occasions, and in all places without reflecting that the highest truth will suffer from an unwise and over-zealous advocacy. Civility requires that we give to the opinions of others the same toleration that we exact for our own, and good sense should cause us to remember that we are never likely to convert a person to our views when we begin by violating his notions of propriety and exciting his prejudices. A silent advocate of a cause is always better than an indiscreet one.
Another group of people, driven by the best intentions, seem to feel it's their duty to share their opinions at every opportunity and everywhere, without realizing that overly enthusiastic support can actually harm the truth. Courtesy demands that we treat the opinions of others with the same tolerance we expect for our own, and common sense should remind us that we’re unlikely to change someone’s mind when we start by disrespecting their sense of decency and stirring up their biases. A quiet supporter of a cause is always better than a reckless one.
No gentleman uses profane language. It is unnecessary to add that no gentleman will use profane language in the presence of a lady. For profanity there is no excuse. It is a low and paltry habit, acquired from association with low and paltry spirits, who possess no sense of honor, no regard for decency and no reverence or respect for beings of a higher moral or religious nature than themselves. The man who habitually uses profane language, lowers his moral tone with every oath he utters. Moreover, the silliness of the practice, if no other reason, should prevent its use by every man of good sense.[Pg 97]
No gentleman uses foul language. It's obvious that no gentleman would use foul language in front of a lady. There's really no excuse for swearing. It's a cheap and petty habit picked up from hanging out with people who lack honor, decency, and respect for those with higher moral or religious values. A man who regularly swears lowers his moral standing with every curse word he speaks. Furthermore, the ridiculousness of this behavior should be enough to stop any sensible man from using it.[Pg 97]
Do not parade merely private matters before a public or mixed assembly or to acquaintances. If strangers really wish to become informed about you or your affairs, they will find the means to gratify their curiosity without your advising them gratuitously. Besides, personal and family affairs, no matter how interesting they may be to the parties immediately concerned, are generally of little moment to outsiders. Still less will the well-bred person inquire into or narrate the private affairs of any other family or individual.
Do not display personal matters in front of a public or mixed group or acquaintances. If strangers are truly interested in learning about you or your situation, they'll find a way to satisfy their curiosity without you having to share. Furthermore, personal and family matters, no matter how fascinating they might be to those directly involved, are usually of little interest to others. A well-mannered person definitely won't ask about or talk about someone else's private matters.
In refined and intelligent society one should always display himself at his best, and make a proper and legitimate use of all such acquirements as he may happen to have. But there should be no ostentatious or pedantic show of erudition. Besides being vulgar, such a show subjects the person to ridicule.
In a cultured and intelligent society, you should always present yourself well and make appropriate and legitimate use of all the skills and knowledge you have. However, there should be no flashy or pretentious display of intellect. Besides being tacky, such behavior exposes a person to mockery.
Avoid an affectation of excessive modesty. Do not use the word "limb" for "leg." If legs are really improper, then let us, on no account, mention them. But having found it necessary to mention them, let us by all means give them their appropriate name.
Avoid pretending to be overly modest. Don't use the word "limb" when you mean "leg." If legs are truly inappropriate, then we should not mention them at all. However, since we find it necessary to talk about them, let's definitely use the correct term.
No person of decency, still less of delicacy, will be guilty of double entendre. A well-bred person always [Pg 98]refuses to understand a phrase of doubtful meaning. If the phrase may be interpreted decently, and with such interpretation would provoke a smile, then smile to just the degree called for by such interpretation, and no more. The prudery which sits in solemn and severe rebuke at a double entendre is only second in indelicacy to the indecency which grows hilarious over it, since both must recognize the evil intent. It is sufficient to let it pass unrecognized.
No person with any decency, let alone sensitivity, would engage in a double entendre. A well-mannered person always [Pg 98]chooses not to interpret a phrase that has ambiguous meaning. If the phrase can be understood in a decent way, and that understanding would evoke a smile, then smile just enough to match that interpretation, and not more. The prudeness that sternly condemns a double entendre is only slightly less inappropriate than the indecency that finds it entertaining, as both acknowledge the malicious intent behind it. It's better to let it go unnoticed.
Not so when one hears an indelicate word or expression, which allows of no possible harmless interpretation. Then not the shadow of a smile should flit across the lips. Either complete silence should be preserved in return, or the words, "I do not understand you," be spoken. A lady will always fail to hear that which she should not hear, or, having unmistakably heard, she will not understand.
Not the case when you hear an inappropriate word or phrase that has no chance of being taken lightly. In that moment, not even a hint of a smile should appear. You should either stay completely silent in response or say, "I don’t understand you." A lady will always manage to not hear what she shouldn't hear, or if she clearly hears it, she simply won't understand.
No lady should make use of any feminine substitute for profanity. The woman who exclaims "The Dickens!" or "Mercy!" or "Goodness!" when she is annoyed or astonished, is as vulgar in spirit, though perhaps not quite so regarded by society, as though she had used expressions which it would require but little stretch of the imagination to be regarded as profane.[Pg 99]
No woman should use any feminine alternatives to swearing. A woman who says "Oh my!" or "Goodness gracious!" when she's upset or surprised is just as crass in spirit, even if society doesn't see it that way, as if she had used words that would easily be considered profane.[Pg 99]
You may be witty and amusing if you like, or rather if you can; but never use your wit at the expense of others.
You can be clever and funny if you want, or if you can; just make sure not to use your cleverness to put others down.
"Wit's an unruly engine, wildly striking |
At times a friend, at other times the engineer; |
Do you have the talent? Don’t spoil it with too much fondness; |
But if you want it, don't buy it for too high a price. |
Many show off their wit beyond their ability. |
"Got to be a silly fool for an hour."—Herb. |
DISPLAY OF EMOTIONS.
Avoid all exhibitions of temper before others, if you find it impossible to suppress them entirely. All emotions, whether of grief or joy, should be subdued in public, and only allowed full play in the privacy of your own apartments.
Avoid showing any signs of anger in front of others, especially if you can't completely control them. All emotions, whether sadness or happiness, should be kept in check in public, and should only be fully expressed in the privacy of your own home.
Never ask impertinent questions. Some authorities in etiquette even go so far as to say that all questions are strictly tabooed. Thus, if you wished to inquire after the health of the brother of your friend, you would say, "I hope your brother is well," not, "How is your brother's health?"
Never ask rude questions. Some experts in etiquette even claim that all questions are completely off-limits. So, if you wanted to ask about your friend's brother's health, you would say, "I hope your brother is well," instead of, "How is your brother's health?"
Never try to force yourself into the confidence of others; but if they give you their confidence of their own free will, let nothing whatever induce you to betray [Pg 100]it. Never seek to pry into a secret, and never divulge one.
Never try to push yourself into the trust of others; but if they share their trust with you willingly, let nothing make you betray it. Never try to snoop into a secret, and never reveal one.
Do not form the habit of introducing words and phrases of French or other foreign languages into common conversation. This is only allowable in writing, and not then except when the foreign word or phrase expresses more clearly and directly than English can do the desired meaning. In familiar conversation this is an affectation, only pardonable when all persons present are particularly familiar with the language.
Avoid the habit of using words and phrases from French or other foreign languages in everyday conversation. It's only acceptable in writing, and even then only if the foreign word or phrase conveys the intended meaning more clearly and directly than English. In casual conversation, this can come off as pretentious, and is only justifiable if everyone present is well-versed in that language.
Avoid all pretense at gentility. Pass for what you are, and nothing more. If you are obliged to make any little economies, do not be ashamed to acknowledge them as economies, if it becomes necessary to speak of them at all. If you keep no carriage, do not be over-solicitous to impress upon your friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is because you prefer to walk. Do not be ashamed of poverty; but, on the other hand, do not flaunt its rags unmercifully in the faces of others. It is better to say nothing about it, either in excuse or defense.
Avoid any false show of sophistication. Be true to who you are, and nothing more. If you need to cut back on spending, don't be embarrassed to call it what it is, if you have to mention it at all. If you don’t have a car, don’t go out of your way to convince your friends that it’s only because you like walking. Don’t be ashamed of being poor; but at the same time, don’t rub your struggles in other people's faces. It's best to stay quiet about it, whether as an excuse or a defense.
Never speak dogmatically or with an assumption of knowledge or information beyond that of those with whom you are conversing. Even if you are conscious of this superiority, a proper and becoming modesty will lead you to conceal it as far as possible, that you may [Pg 101]not put to shame or humiliation those less fortunate than yourself. If they discover your superiority of their own accord, they will have much more admiration for you than though you forced the recognition upon them. If they do not discover it, you cannot force it upon their perceptions, and they will only hold you in contempt for trying to do so. Besides, there is the possibility that you over-estimate yourself, and instead of being a wise man you are only a self-sufficient fool.
Never speak like you know everything or assume you understand more than the people you’re talking to. Even if you realize you're better informed, being modest will encourage you to keep that to yourself so you don’t embarrass or belittle others who may not be as fortunate. If they figure out your knowledge on their own, they will respect you much more than if you forced it on them. If they don’t see it for themselves, you won't change their minds, and they will likely think less of you for trying. Also, keep in mind that you might be overestimating your abilities; you could just be a self-righteous fool instead of a wise person.
Do not be censorious or fault-finding. Long and close friendship may sometimes excuse one friend in reproving or criticising another, but it must always be done in the kindest and gentlest manner, and in nine cases out of ten had best be left undone. When one is inclined to be censorious or critical, it is well to remember the scriptural injunction, "First cast the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's eye."
Don't be judgmental or overly critical. A long and close friendship might sometimes justify one friend reprimanding or criticizing another, but it should always be done in the kindest and gentlest way, and most of the time, it's better to just keep quiet. When you feel like being judgmental or critical, it's a good idea to remember the saying, "First remove the log from your own eye, and then you’ll see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
A gentleman should never lower the intellectual standard of his conversation in addressing ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to consider them capable of an equal understanding with gentlemen. You will, no doubt, be somewhat surprised to find in how many cases the supposition will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances where it is not, the ladies will be pleased rather than offended at the delicate compli[Pg 102]ment you pay them. When you "come down" to commonplace or small-talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the consequence; she either recognizes the condescension and despises you, or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you are capable, and rates you accordingly.
A gentleman should never dumb down his conversation when speaking to women. Treat them with the respect they deserve by assuming they can understand things just as well as men. You may be surprised at how often this assumption proves to be true, and in the rare cases where it isn't, the women will appreciate the thoughtful compliment rather than feel offended. When you "lower" yourself to casual or trivial chatter with an intelligent woman, there are two outcomes: she either sees through your condescension and loses respect for you, or she takes it as the best you can offer intellectually and judges you accordingly.
People with hobbies are at once the easiest and most difficult persons with whom to engage in conversation. On general subjects they are idealess and voiceless beyond monosyllables. But introduce their special hobby, and if you choose you need only to listen. There is much profit to be derived from the conversation of these persons. They will give you a clearer idea of the aspects of any subject or theory which they may have taken to heart, than you could perhaps gain in any other way.
People with hobbies are both the easiest and hardest people to talk to. On regular topics, they're unopinionated and barely respond beyond one-word answers. But bring up their specific hobby, and you can just sit back and listen. There's a lot to gain from talking to these individuals. They can give you a better understanding of any subject or theory they've really invested in than you might find anywhere else.
The too constant riding of hobbies is not, however, to be specially recommended. An individual, though he may be pardoned in cultivating special tastes, should yet be possessed of sufficiently broad and general information to be able to converse intelligently on all subjects, and he should, as far as possible, reserve his hobby-riding for exhibition before those who ride hobbies similar to his own.
However, constantly focusing on hobbies isn't something to highly recommend. A person, even if it's understandable to develop specific interests, should still have a good amount of general knowledge to engage in intelligent conversations on a variety of topics. They should, as much as possible, save their hobby discussions for when they're around others who share similar interests.
It must be remembered that a social gathering should never be made the arena of a dispute. Consequently [Pg 103]every subject liable to provoke a discussion should be avoided. Even slight inaccuracy in a statement of facts or opinions should rarely be remarked on in conversation.
It’s important to remember that a social gathering should never turn into a place for arguments. Therefore, [Pg 103]any topic that might lead to a debate should be avoided. Even minor inaccuracies in facts or opinions should hardly be pointed out in conversation.
Do not permit yourself to lose your temper in society, nor show that you have taken offense at a supposed slight.
Do not allow yourself to lose your temper in public, nor show that you are upset by a perceived insult.
If anyone should assume a disagreeable tone of voice or offensive manner toward you, never return it in company, and, above all, do not adopt the same style of conversation with him. Appear not to notice it, and generally it will be discontinued, as it will be seen that it has failed in its object.
If anyone uses an unpleasant tone or behaves offensively toward you, don’t respond in kind around others, and definitely don’t match their style of conversation. Act like you didn’t notice it, and usually, it will stop, as they’ll see it didn’t achieve its goal.
Avoid all coarseness and undue familiarity in addressing others. A person who makes himself offensively familiar will have few friends.
Avoid all rudeness and unnecessary intimacy when talking to others. Someone who acts overly familiar will have very few friends.
Never attack the character of others in their absence; and if you hear others attacked, say what you can consistently to defend them.
Never criticize someone's character when they're not around; and if you hear someone else being criticized, do what you can to defend them.
If you are talking on religious subjects, avoid all cant. Cant words and phrases may be used in good faith from the force of habit, but their use subjects the speaker to a suspicion of insincerity.
If you're discussing religious topics, steer clear of all pretentious language. Clichéd words and phrases might be used sincerely out of habit, but using them can make others doubt your honesty.
Do not ask the price of articles you observe, except from intimate friends, and then very quietly, and only for some good reason.
Do not ask about the price of things you see, except from close friends, and only discreetly, and for a good reason.
Do not appear to notice an error in language, either in pronunciation or grammar, made by the person with whom you are conversing, and do not repeat correctly the same word or phrase. This would be as ill-bred as to correct it when spoken.[Pg 104]
Don't act like you noticed a mistake in pronunciation or grammar made by the person you're talking to, and don't repeat the same word or phrase correctly. This would be just as rude as correcting them when they speak.[Pg 104]
Mimicry is ill-bred, and must be avoided.
Mimicking someone is rude and should be avoided.
Sneering at the private affairs of others has long ago been banished from the conversation of well-mannered people.
Sneering at other people's private lives has long been kicked out of the conversations of polite society.
Never introduce unpleasant topics, nor describe revolting scenes in general company.
Never bring up uncomfortable topics or describe upsetting scenes in public settings.
Never give officious advice. Even when sought for, give advice sparingly.
Never give bossy advice. Even when it's requested, offer advice only when necessary.
Never, directly or indirectly, refer to the affairs of others, which it may give them pain in any degree to recall.
Never, directly or indirectly, mention other people's business if it might cause them any level of discomfort to remember it.
Never hold your companion in conversation by the button-hole. If you are obliged to detain him forcibly in order to say what you wish, you are pressing upon him what is disagreeable or unwelcome, and you commit a gross breach of etiquette in so doing.
Never hold your conversation partner by the buttonhole. If you have to forcibly keep them from leaving to say what you want, you're pushing something unpleasant or unwelcome on them, and that's a serious breach of etiquette.
Especially avoid contradictions, interruptions and monopolizing all conversation yourself. These faults are all intolerable and very offensive.
Especially avoid contradictions, interruptions, and dominating the conversation. These are all unacceptable and quite rude.
To speak to one person in a company in ambiguous terms, understood by him alone, is as rude as if you had whispered in his ear.
To talk to someone in a company using vague terms that only they understand is just as rude as if you had whispered in their ear.
Avoid stale and trite remarks on commonplace subjects; also all egotism and anecdotes of personal adventure and exploit, unless they should be called out by persons you are conversing with.
Avoid boring and cliché comments on ordinary topics; also steer clear of any self-centered talk and stories about your personal adventures, unless the people you’re talking to bring them up.
To make a classical quotation in a mixed company is considered pedantic and out of place, as is also an ostentatious display of your learning.
To make a classical quote in a mixed group is seen as pretentious and inappropriate, just like showing off your knowledge.
A gentleman should avoid talking about his business [Pg 105]or profession, unless such matters are drawn from him by the person with whom he is conversing. It is in bad taste, particularly, to employ technical or professional terms in general conversation.
A gentleman should avoid discussing his business [Pg 105] or profession, unless the person he’s talking to brings it up. It's considered poor manners, especially, to use technical or professional jargon in casual conversation.
Long arguments or heated discussions are apt to be tiresome to others, and should be avoided.
Long arguments or heated discussions can be exhausting for others and should be avoided.
It is considered extremely ill-bred for two persons to whisper in society, or to converse in a language with which all persons are not familiar.
It is seen as very rude for two people to whisper in social settings or to speak in a language that everyone doesn't understand.
Avoid talking too much, and do not inflict upon your hearers interminably long stories, in which they can have but little interest.
Avoid talking too much, and don't subject your listeners to endlessly long stories that they find only mildly interesting.

CHAPTER IX.
Dinner Giving and Dining Out.

Dining should be ranked among the fine arts. A knowledge of dinner-table etiquette is all important in many respects; but chiefly in this: that it is regarded as one of the strong tests of good breeding. Dinners are generally looked upon as entertainments for married people and the middle aged, but it is often desirable to have some young unmarried persons among the guests.
Those invited should be of the same standing in society. They need not necessarily be friends, nor even acquaintances, but, at dinner, as people come into closer contact than at a dance, or any other kind of a party, those only should be invited to meet one another who move in the same class of circles. Care must, of course, be taken that those whom you think agreeable to [Pg 107]each other are placed side by side around the festive board. Good talkers are invaluable at a dinner party—people who have fresh ideas and plenty of warm words to clothe them in; but good listeners are equally invaluable.
Those invited should be from the same social class. They don’t have to be friends or even acquaintances, but at dinner, where people interact more closely than at a dance or any other type of gathering, only those who run in the same circles should be invited to meet each other. You should make sure that those you think would get along [Pg 107] are seated next to each other at the table. Good conversationalists are priceless at a dinner party—people who bring fresh ideas and know how to express them warmly; but good listeners are just as important.
Invitations to dinner parties are not usually sent by post, in cities, and are only answered by post where the distance is such as to make it inconvenient to send the note by hand. They are issued in the name of the gentleman and lady of the house, from two to ten days in advance. They should be answered as soon as received, without fail, as it is necessary that the host and hostess should know who are to be their guests. If the invitation is accepted, the engagement should, on no account, be lightly broken. This rule is a binding one, as the non-arrival of an expected guest produces disarrangement of plans. Gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives, where other ladies than those of the family are present; nor ladies without their husbands, when other ladies are invited with their husbands. This rule has no exceptions. No more than three out of a family should be invited, unless the dinner party is a very large one.
Invitations to dinner parties are usually not sent by mail in cities, and are only replied to by mail when it’s too inconvenient to deliver the response in person. They come from the host and hostess, and are sent out two to ten days in advance. Responses should be made promptly upon receipt, as it’s important for the hosts to know who will be attending. If you accept an invitation, you should not cancel lightly; this is a serious guideline, as the absence of an expected guest can disrupt plans. Gentlemen cannot be invited without their wives when other ladies besides family are present, nor can ladies be invited without their husbands when other ladies are coming with their husbands. There are no exceptions to this. No more than three people from a single family should be invited unless it’s a very large dinner party.
The invitations should be written on small note paper, which may have the initial letter or monogram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids anything more. The envelope should match the sheet of paper. The invita[Pg 108]tion should be issued in the name of the host and hostess. The form of invitations should be as follows:
The invitations should be written on small notepaper, which can have the initial or monogram stamped on it, but good taste does not allow for anything more. The envelope should match the notepaper. The invitation should be issued in the names of the host and hostess. The format of the invitations should be as follows:

An answer should be returned at once, so that if the invitation is declined the hostess may modify her arrangements accordingly.
An answer should be given right away, so that if the invitation is turned down, the hostess can adjust her plans accordingly.
An acceptance may be given in the following form, and may be sent either by post or messenger:
An acceptance can be provided in the following way and can be sent either by mail or through a messenger:

The invitation is declined in the following manner:
The invitation is turned down like this:

Or:
Alternatively:

Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should be stated briefly, yet plainly, that there may be no occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings.[Pg 110]
Whatever the reason for the decline might be, it should be stated clearly and simply, to avoid any chance of misunderstanding or hard feelings.[Pg 110]
The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. It may take the form of a friendly note, something in this manner:
The invitation to a tea party can be more casual. It might look like a friendly note, something like this:

When it becomes absolutely necessary to break an engagement once made for dinner or tea, a note must be sent at once to the hostess and host, with full explanation of the cause, so that your place may be supplied, if possible.
When it’s absolutely necessary to cancel a dinner or tea engagement, you should send a note immediately to the host and hostess explaining why, so they can fill your spot if possible.
The hour generally selected in cities is after business hours, or from five to eight o'clock. In the country or villages it may be an hour or two earlier. To be punctual at the hour mentioned is obligatory. If you are too early you are in the way; if too late you annoy the [Pg 111]hostess, cause impatience among the assembled guests, and perhaps spoil the dinner. Fifteen minutes is the longest time required to wait for a tardy guest.
The time usually chosen in cities is after work, between five and eight o'clock. In rural areas or small towns, it might be an hour or two earlier. It's essential to arrive on time. If you arrive too early, you're disruptive; if you're late, you irritate the [Pg 111]hostess, create frustration among the guests, and might ruin the dinner. Fifteen minutes is the maximum time allowed to wait for a late guest.
A host and hostess generally judge of the success of a dinner by the manner in which conversation has been sustained. If it has flagged often, it is considered proof that the guests have not been congenial; but if a steady stream of talk has been kept up, it shows that they have smoothly amalgamated, as a whole. No one should monopolize conversation, unless he wishes to win for himself the appellation of a bore, and be avoided as such.
A host and hostess usually assess the success of a dinner by how well the conversation flows. If it dips frequently, it's seen as a sign that the guests aren't getting along; however, if there's a constant flow of chatter, it indicates that everyone has blended well together. No one should dominate the conversation, unless they want to be labeled as boring and avoided.
A snow-white cloth of the finest damask, beautiful china, glistening or finely engraved glass, and polished plate are considered essential to a grand dinner. Choice flowers, ferns and mosses tastefully arranged, add much to the beauty of the table. A salt-cellar should be within the reach of every guest. Napkins should be folded square and placed with a roll of bread upon each plate. The dessert is placed on the table amidst the flowers. An epergne, or a low dish of flowers, graces the centre; stands of bon-bons and confectionery are ranged on both sides of the table, which complete the decorations of the table. The name of each guest, written upon a card and placed one on each plate, marks the seat assigned.[Pg 112]
A snow-white cloth made of the finest damask, beautiful china, shiny or intricately engraved glassware, and polished plates are considered essential for a grand dinner. Beautifully arranged flowers, ferns, and mosses greatly enhance the table's beauty. There should be a salt shaker within reach of every guest. Napkins should be folded square and placed with a roll of bread on each plate. The dessert is set on the table among the flowers. A centerpiece or a low dish of flowers decorates the center; stands of candies and sweets are arranged on both sides of the table, completing the decorations. Each guest's name should be written on a card placed on their plate to indicate their assigned seat.[Pg 112]
The number at a dinner should not be less than six, nor more than twelve or fourteen. Then the host will be able to designate to each gentleman the lady whom he is to conduct to the table; but when the number exceeds this limit it is a good plan to have the name of each couple written upon a card and enclosed in an addressed envelope, ready to be handed to the gentleman by the servant, before entering the drawing-room, or left on a tray for the guests to select those which bear their names.
The number of guests at a dinner should be no less than six and no more than twelve or fourteen. This way, the host can assign each gentleman a lady to escort to the table. However, if the number goes beyond this limit, it's a good idea to write each couple's name on a card and put it in an addressed envelope. This can either be handed to the gentleman by the servant before entering the drawing-room or left on a tray for the guests to pick the cards with their names.
If a gentleman finds upon his card the name of a lady with whom he is unacquainted, he requests the host to present him immediately after he has spoken with the hostess, also to any members of the family with whom he is not acquainted.
If a gentleman sees the name of a lady he doesn't know on his card, he asks the host to introduce him right after he talks to the hostess and any family members he isn't familiar with.
All the guests should secure introductions to the one for whom the dinner is given. If two persons, unknown to each other, find themselves placed side by side at a table, they may enter into conversation without an introduction.
All the guests should make sure to get introduced to the person the dinner is for. If two people, who don’t know each other, end up sitting next to each other at a table, they can start a conversation without needing an introduction.
When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he is to escort to the table. The others follow, arm in arm, the hostess being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take the precedence in proceed[Pg 113]ing from the drawing-room to the dining-room, the younger falling back until the elder have advanced. The host escorts the eldest lady or the greatest stranger, or if there be a bride present, precedence is given to her, unless the dinner is given for another person, in which case he escorts the latter. The hostess is escorted either by the greatest stranger, or some gentleman whom she wishes to place in the seat of honor, which is at her right. The host places the lady whom he escorts at his right. The seats of the host and hostess may be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at the opposite ends. Husbands should not escort their wives, or brothers their sisters, as this partakes of the nature of a family gathering.
When dinner is announced, the host offers his right arm to the lady he is escorting to the table. The others follow arm in arm, with the hostess being the last to leave the drawing-room. Age should take precedence in moving from the drawing-room to the dining room, with younger guests stepping back until the elders have advanced. The host escorts the oldest lady or the most significant guest, and if there’s a bride present, she takes priority unless the dinner is in honor of someone else, in which case he escorts that person. The hostess is accompanied by the most important guest or a gentleman she wishes to honor by placing him in the seat of honor, which is to her right. The host seats the lady he is escorting to his right. The seats of the host and hostess can be in the middle and at opposite sides of the table, or at opposite ends. Husbands should not escort their wives or brothers their sisters, as this resembles a family gathering.
The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving dinners is the dinner a la Russe (the Russian style)—all the food being placed upon a side table, and servants do the carving and waiting. This style gives an opportunity for more profuse ornamentation of the table, which, as the meal progresses, does not become encumbered with partially empty dishes and platters.
The newest and most effective way to serve dinners is the dinner a la Russe (Russian style)—where all the food is set on a side table, and servers do the carving and serving. This style allows for more elaborate decoration of the table, which, as the meal goes on, doesn’t get cluttered with half-empty dishes and platters.
The servants commence, in passing the dishes, one upon the right of the host and one upon the right of the hostess. A master or mistress should never censure the servants at dinner, however things may go wrong. Servants should wear thin-soled shoes that their steps [Pg 114]may be noiseless, and if they should use napkins in serving (as is the English custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be faultlessly clean. A good servant is never awkward. He avoids coughing, breathing hard or treading on a lady's dress; never lets any article drop, and deposits plates, glasses, knives, forks and spoons noiselessly. It is considered good form for a servant not to wear gloves in waiting at table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the thumb, that he may not touch the plates and dishes with the naked hand.
The staff begins by passing the dishes, one to the right of the host and one to the right of the hostess. A host or hostess should never criticize the staff during dinner, no matter how things may go wrong. Staff should wear thin-soled shoes so their footsteps [Pg 114] are quiet, and if they use napkins while serving (as is the English custom) instead of gloves, their hands and nails should be perfectly clean. A good servant is never clumsy. They avoid coughing, breathing heavily, or stepping on a lady's dress; they never let anything fall and place plates, glasses, knives, forks, and spoons quietly. It’s considered proper etiquette for a server not to wear gloves while attending the table, but to use a damask napkin, with one corner wrapped around the thumb, so that they don’t touch the plates and dishes with their bare hands.
Soup is the first course. All should accept it even if they let it remain untouched, because it is better to make a pretense of eating until the next course is served, than to sit waiting, or compel the servants to serve one before the rest. Soup should not be called for a second time. A soup-plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.
Soup is the first course. Everyone should accept it even if they don't eat it, because it's better to pretend to eat until the next course is served than to sit and wait or make the servers bring it to one person before the others. Soup shouldn’t be requested a second time. A soup plate should never be tilted for the last spoonful.
Fish follows soup and must be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are provided. If fish knives are not provided, a piece of bread in the left hand answers the purpose as well, with the fork in the right hand. Fish may be declined, but must not be called for a second time.
Fish comes after soup and should be eaten with a fork, unless fish knives are available. If there are no fish knives, you can use a piece of bread in your left hand to help, with the fork in your right hand. You can refuse fish, but it shouldn't be requested again.
After soup and fish come the side dishes, which must be eaten with the fork, though the knife is used in cutting meats and anything too hard for a fork.[Pg 115]
After soup and fish, the side dishes are served, which should be eaten with a fork, but a knife is used for cutting meats and anything too hard for a fork.[Pg 115]
When the plate of each course is set before you, with the knife and fork upon it, remove the knife and fork at once. This matter should be carefully attended to, as the serving of an entire course is delayed by neglecting to remove them.
When your plate for each course is set in front of you, along with the knife and fork, take them off right away. It’s important to pay attention to this because leaving them on can delay serving the whole course.
Greediness should not be indulged in. Indecision must be avoided. Do not take up one piece and lay it down in favor of another, or hesitate.
Greed shouldn't be encouraged. Avoid being indecisive. Don't pick something up and then put it down for something else, or hesitate.
Never allow the servant, or the one who pours, to fill your glass with wine that you do not wish to drink. You can check him by touching the rim of your glass.
Never let the server, or the one pouring, fill your glass with wine that you don't want to drink. You can signal him by touching the rim of your glass.
Cheese is eaten with a fork and not with a knife.
Cheese is eaten with a fork, not with a knife.
If you have occasion to speak to a servant, wait until you can catch his eye, and then ask in a low tone for what you want.
If you need to talk to a servant, wait until you can make eye contact, and then quietly ask for what you need.
The mouth should always be kept closed in eating, and both eating and drinking should be noiseless.
The mouth should always be kept closed while eating, and both eating and drinking should be done quietly.
Bread is broken at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.
Bread is shared at dinner. Vegetables are eaten with a fork.
Asparagus can be taken up with the fingers, if preferred. Olives and artichokes are always so eaten.
Asparagus can be picked up with your fingers, if you like. Olives and artichokes are always eaten that way.
Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.
Fruit is eaten with silver knives and forks.
You are at liberty to refuse a dish that you do not wish to eat. If any course is set down before you that you do not wish, do not touch it. Never play with food, nor mince your bread, nor handle the glass and silver near you unnecessarily.[Pg 116]
You are free to decline a dish that you don't want to eat. If any course is placed in front of you that you don't want, just leave it untouched. Don't play with your food, tear your bread into small pieces, or fiddle with the glass and silverware around you for no reason.[Pg 116]
Never reprove a waiter for negligence or improper conduct; that is the business of the host.
Never scold a waiter for being careless or acting inappropriately; that's the host's responsibility.
When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse at once, and allow the waiter to pass on. A gentleman will see that the lady whom he has escorted to the table is helped to all she wishes, but it is officiousness to offer to help other ladies who have escorts.
When a dish is offered to you, either accept or decline right away, and let the waiter move on. A gentleman ensures that the lady he has accompanied to the table gets whatever she wants, but it's presumptuous to offer to help other ladies who have companions.
If the guests pass the dishes to one another, instead of being helped by a servant, you should always help yourself from the dish, if you desire it at all, before passing it on to the next.
If the guests are passing the dishes to each other instead of being served by a waiter, you should always take some for yourself from the dish, if you want it at all, before passing it on to the next person.
A knife should never, on any account, be put into the mouth. Many people, even well-bred in other respects, seem to regard this as an unnecessary regulation; but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette, and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to many people, it is wisest to observe it.
A knife should never, under any circumstances, be put in the mouth. Many people, even those who are well-mannered in other ways, seem to think this is an unnecessary rule; but when we realize that it's a matter of etiquette, and that breaking it can shock and disgust many, it's best to follow it.
Be careful to remove the bones from fish before eating. If a bone inadvertently should get into the mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in removing it. Cherry stones and grape skins should be removed from the mouth as unobtrusively as possible, and deposited on the side of the plate.
Be careful to take the bones out of fish before eating. If a bone accidentally gets into your mouth, cover your lips with the napkin while you remove it. Cherry pits and grape skins should be taken out of your mouth discreetly and placed on the side of the plate.
Never use a napkin in place of a handkerchief for wiping the forehead, face or nose.
Never use a napkin instead of a handkerchief to wipe your forehead, face, or nose.
Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Every thing that can be cut without a knife should be eaten with the fork alone. Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon.
Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Anything that can be cut without a knife should be eaten with just a fork. Pudding can be eaten with either a fork or a spoon.
Never lay your hand, or play with your fingers, upon the table. Do not toy with your knife, fork or spoon, [Pg 117]make crumbs of your bread, or draw imaginary lines upon the table cloth.
Never put your hand, or play with your fingers, on the table. Don’t mess around with your knife, fork, or spoon, [Pg 117]make crumbs from your bread, or draw imaginary lines on the tablecloth.
Never bite fruit. An apple, peach or pear should be peeled with a knife, and all fruit should be broken or cut.
Never bite into fruit. An apple, peach, or pear should be peeled with a knife, and all fruit should be cut or broken.
If a gentleman is seated by the side of a lady or elderly person, politeness requires him to save them all trouble of procuring for themselves anything to eat or drink, and of obtaining whatever they are in want of at the table, and he should be eager to offer them what he thinks may be most to their taste.
If a guy is sitting next to a lady or an older person, good manners dictate that he helps them avoid the hassle of getting their own food or drinks and finding anything they need at the table. He should be keen to offer them what he thinks they’ll like best.
A hostess should not express pride regarding what is on her table, nor make apologies if everything she offers you is not to her satisfaction. It is much better that she should observe silence in this respect, and allow her guests to eulogize her dinner or not, as they deem proper. Neither is it in good taste to urge guests to eat, nor to load their plates against their inclination.
A hostess shouldn’t brag about what’s on her table or apologize if she’s not satisfied with everything she offers. It’s better for her to stay quiet about it and let her guests praise her dinner or not, as they choose. It’s also inappropriate to pressure guests to eat or to pile their plates when they don’t want more.
For one or two persons to monopolize a conversation which ought to be general, is exceedingly rude. If the dinner party is a large one, you may converse with those near you, raising the voice only loud enough to be distinctly heard by the persons you are talking with.[Pg 118]
For one or two people to dominate a conversation that should involve everyone is really inconsiderate. If the dinner party is big, you can chat with those close to you, speaking just loudly enough to be clearly heard by the people you’re talking to.[Pg 118]
It is a mark of rudeness to pick your teeth at the table, and it should always be avoided. To hold your hand or napkin over your mouth does not avoid the rudeness of the act, but if it becomes a matter of necessity to remove some obstacle from between the teeth, then your open mouth should be concealed by your hand or napkin.
It's rude to pick your teeth at the table, and you should never do it. Covering your mouth with your hand or napkin doesn't make the act any less rude, but if you absolutely need to remove something stuck in your teeth, you should hide your mouth with your hand or napkin while doing it.
Never express a preference for any dish or any particular portion of a fowl or of meat, unless requested to do so, and then answer promptly, that no time may be wasted in serving you and others after you.
Never show a preference for any dish or any specific cut of poultry or meat, unless you're asked to do so. If you are, respond quickly so that no time is wasted in serving you and others after you.
Tact and self-possession are demanded of the hostess, in order that she may perform her duties agreeably, which are not onerous. She should instruct her servants not to remove her plate until her guests have finished. If she speaks of any omission by which her servants have inconvenienced her guests, she must do it with dignity, not betraying any undue annoyance. She must put all her guests at their ease, and pay every possible attention to the requirements of each and all around her. No accident must disturb her; no disappointment embarrass her. If her precious china and her rare glass are broken before her eyes, she must seem to take but little or no notice of it.
Tact and composure are essential for the hostess to carry out her duties pleasantly, which aren’t too demanding. She should tell her staff not to clear her plate until her guests have finished eating. If she needs to mention any inconvenience caused by her staff to her guests, she must do so with grace, showing no excessive annoyance. She should make all her guests feel comfortable and give her full attention to everyone's needs. No mishap should unsettle her; no disappointment should make her awkward. If her valuable china or rare glass gets broken right in front of her, she should appear to barely notice it.
The host must aid the hostess in her efforts. He should [Pg 119]have ease and frankness of manner, a calmness of temper that nothing can ruffle, and a kindness of disposition that can never be exhausted. He must encourage the timid, draw out the silent and direct conversation rather than sustain it himself.
The host should support the hostess in her efforts. He should [Pg 119]be easygoing and open, have a level-headedness that nothing can disturb, and a kindness that never runs out. He must encourage the shy, bring out the quiet ones, and steer the conversation instead of dominating it himself.
No matter what may go wrong, a hostess should never seem to notice it to the annoyance of her guests. By passing it over herself, it will very frequently escape the attention of others. If her guests arrive late, she should welcome them as cordially as if they had come early, but she will commit a rudeness to those who have arrived punctually, if she awaits dinner for tardy guests for more than the fifteen minutes of grace prescribed by custom.
No matter what goes wrong, a hostess should never let it show to her guests. If she brushes it off, others usually won't notice it either. If her guests arrive late, she should greet them warmly as if they had come on time, but she would be rude to those who showed up on time if she waits for tardy guests longer than the customary fifteen minutes.
When the hostess sees that all have finished, she looks at the lady who is sitting at the right of the host, and the company rise, and withdraw in the order they are seated, without precedence. After retiring to the drawing-room, the guests should intermingle in a social manner. It is expected that the guests will remain from one to three hours after dinner.
When the hostess notices that everyone is done eating, she glances at the woman sitting to the right of the host, and the guests get up and leave in the order they are seated, without special priority. Once they move to the living room, the guests should socialize freely. It’s anticipated that they will stay for about one to three hours after dinner.
As eating with another under his own roof is in all conditions of society regarded as a sign of good-will, those who partake of proffered hospitalities, only to gossip about and abuse their host and hostess, should remember, that in the opinion of all honorable persons, they injure themselves by so doing.[Pg 120]
Sharing a meal with someone in their home is seen in every social setting as a gesture of goodwill. Those who accept hospitality only to gossip about and insult their hosts should remember that, in the eyes of all respectable people, they are harming themselves by acting this way.[Pg 120]
Calls should be made shortly after a dinner party by all who have been invited, whether the invitation be accepted or not.
Calls should be made soon after a dinner party by everyone who was invited, whether or not they accepted the invitation.
Those who are in the habit of giving dinner parties should return the invitation before another is extended to them. Society is very severe upon those who do not return debts of hospitality, if they have the means to do so. If they never entertain anyone because of limited means, or for other good reasons, it is so understood, and it is not expected that they should make exceptions; or if they are in the habit of giving other entertainments and not dinners, their debts of hospitality can be returned by invitations to whatever the entertainment might be. Some are deterred from accepting invitations by the feeling that they cannot return the hospitality in so magnificent a form. It is not the costly preparations, nor the expensive repast offered which are the most agreeable features of any entertainment, but it is the kind and friendly feeling shown. Those who are not deterred from accepting such invitations for this reason, and who enjoy the fruits of friendliness thus shown them, must possess narrow views of their duty, and very little self-respect, if, when an opportunity presents itself in any way to reciprocate the kind feeling manifested, they fail to avail themselves of it. True hospitality, however, neither expects nor desires any return.[Pg 121]
Those who often host dinner parties should send out their invitations before someone else invites them. Society is quite harsh towards those who don’t reciprocate hospitality when they’re able to. If someone never hosts others due to financial constraints or other valid reasons, that’s understood, and they’re not expected to make exceptions. Similarly, if they usually host different types of gatherings but not dinners, they can repay the hospitality by inviting others to whatever event they do host. Some people hesitate to accept invitations because they feel they can't match the level of hospitality shown to them. However, it’s not the expensive preparations or lavish meals that make an event enjoyable; it’s the warm and friendly atmosphere created. Those who aren’t put off from accepting invitations for this reason and who appreciate the kindness shown to them must have a limited understanding of their responsibilities and little self-respect if they ignore opportunities to reciprocate that kindness when they arise. True hospitality, however, doesn’t expect or demand anything in return.[Pg 121]
It is a mistake to think that in giving a dinner, it is indispensable to have certain dishes and a variety of wines, because others serve them. Those who entertain frequently often use their own discretion, and never feel obliged to do as others do, if they wish to do differently. Some of the most enjoyable dinners given are those which are least expensive. It is this mistaken feeling that people cannot entertain without committing all sorts of extravagances, which causes many persons, in every way well qualified to do incalculable good socially, to exclude themselves from all general society.
It's a mistake to think that when throwing a dinner party, you need to have specific dishes and a range of wines just because others do. People who host often use their own judgment and don't feel pressured to follow the crowd if they want to do things differently. Some of the best dinner parties are the ones that cost the least. This wrong belief that you can't host without going all out keeps many capable individuals from participating in social gatherings and doing great things in the community.
The menu of a dinner party is by some not regarded as complete, unless it includes one or more varieties of wine. When used it is first served after soup, but any guest may, with propriety, decline being served. This, however, must not be done ostentatiously. Simply say to the waiter, or whoever pours it, "not any; thank you." Wine, offered at a dinner party, should never be criticized, however poor it may be. A person who has partaken of wine, may also decline to have the glass filled again.
The menu of a dinner party is often considered incomplete unless it features one or more types of wine. When served, it typically comes after the soup, but any guest can politely refuse it. However, this should not be done in a showy way. Just tell the waiter or whoever is serving, "No, thank you." Wine served at a dinner party should never be criticized, no matter how bad it is. A person who has had wine may also choose not to have their glass refilled.
If the guests should include one or more people of well-known temperance principles, in deference to the scruples of these guests, wines or liquors should not be brought to the table. People who entertain should also be cautious as to serving wines at all. It is impos[Pg 122]sible to tell what harm you may do to some of your highly esteemed guests. It may be that your palatable wines may create an appetite for the habitual use of wines or stronger alcoholic liquors; or you may renew a passion long controlled and entombed; or you may turn a wavering will from a seemingly steadfast resolution to forever abstain. This is an age of reforms, the temperance reform being by no means the least powerful of these, and no ladies or gentlemen will be censured or misunderstood if they neglect to supply their dinner table with any kind of intoxicating liquor. Mrs. ex-President Hayes banished wines and liquors from her table, and an example set by the "first lady of the land" can be safely followed in every American household, whatever may have been former prevailing customs. It is safe to say that no "mistress of the White House" will ever set aside the temperance principles established by Mrs. Hayes.
If the guests include anyone known for their strong beliefs in temperance, it’s best to respect their views and not serve wines or spirits at the table. Hosts should be careful about serving any wines at all. You never know what harm you might cause some of your valued guests. Your nice wines might spark an urge for regular drinking, revive a long-suppressed habit, or sway someone’s will from a firm decision to abstain. This is a time of reforms, and the temperance movement is one of the most significant. No one will be judged or misunderstood for not providing any form of intoxicating beverages at their dinner table. Mrs. ex-President Hayes eliminated wines and liquors from her table, and following the example of the "first lady of the land" is a safe choice for every American household, regardless of past customs. It’s fair to say that no "mistress of the White House" will ever disregard the temperance principles set by Mrs. Hayes.

CHAPTER X.
Table Manners and Etiquette.

T is of the highest importance that all persons should conduct themselves with the strictest regard to good breeding, even in the privacy of their own homes, when at table, a neglect of such observances will render one stiff and awkward in society. There are so many little points to be observed, that unless a person is habitually accustomed to observe them, he unconsciously commits some error, or will appear awkward and constrained upon occasions when it is important to be fully at ease. To be thoroughly at ease at such times is only acquired by the habitual practice of good manners at the table, and is the result of proper home training. It is the duty of parents to accustom their children, by example as well as by precept, to be attentive and polite to each other at every meal, as well as to observe proper rules of etiquette, and if they do so, they need never fear that they will be rude or awkward when they go abroad. Even when persons habitually eat alone, they should pay [Pg 124]due regard to the rules of etiquette, for by so doing they form habits of ease and gracefulness which are requisite in refined circles; otherwise they speedily acquire rude and awkward habits which they cannot shake off without great difficulty, and which are at times embarrassing to themselves and their friends. In private families it should be observed as a rule to meet together at all meals of the day around one common table, where the same rules of etiquette should be rigidly enforced, as though each member of the family were sitting at a stranger's table. It is only by this constant practice of the rules of good behaviour at home, that good manners become easy when any of them go abroad.
At the first meal of the day, even in the most orderly households, an amount of freedom is allowed, which would be unjustifiable at any other meal. The head of the house may look over his morning paper, and the various other members may glance over correspondence or such books or studies as they are interested in. Each may rise and leave the table when business or pleasure dictates, without awaiting for the others or for a general signal.
At breakfast, even in the most organized homes, a level of freedom is allowed that wouldn't be acceptable at any other meal. The head of the household might read the morning paper, while the other members casually look over their mail or books that interest them. Everyone can get up and leave the table whenever they need to for work or leisure, without waiting for others or a specific signal.
The breakfast table should be simply decorated, yet it may be made very attractive with its snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its ornamentation of fruits and flowers. Bread should be placed upon the table, cut in slices. In eating, it must always be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten. Fruit should [Pg 125]be served in abundance at breakfast whenever practicable. There is an old adage which declares that "fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and lead at night."
The breakfast table should be simply decorated, but it can look really attractive with its white tablecloth and napkins, its selection of glassware, and its decoration of fruits and flowers. Bread should be placed on the table, cut into slices. When eating, it must always be broken, never cut, and definitely not bitten. Fruit should [Pg 125] be served in abundance at breakfast whenever possible. There's an old saying that goes, "fruit is gold in the morning, silver at noon, and lead at night."
In many of our large cities, where business prevents the head of the family from returning to dinner until a late hour, luncheon is served about midday and serves as an early dinner for children and servants. There is much less formality in the serving of lunch than of dinner. It is all placed upon the table at once, whether it consists of one or more courses. Where only one or two are at luncheon, the repast is ordinarily served on a tray.
In many big cities, where work keeps the family head from coming home for dinner until late, lunch is served around midday and acts as an early dinner for kids and staff. There’s a lot less ceremony during lunch than there is for dinner. Everything is put on the table at once, whether it’s one course or several. If only one or two people are having lunch, the meal is usually served on a tray.
The private family dinner should be the social hour of the day. Then parents and children should meet together, and the meal should be of such length as to admit of the greatest sociality. It is an old saying that chatted food is half digested. The utmost good feeling should prevail among all. Business and domestic cares and troubles should be, for the time, forgotten, and the pleasures of home most heartily enjoyed. In another chapter we have spoken at length upon fashionable dinner parties.
The family dinner should be the highlight of the day. It's a time for parents and kids to come together, and the meal should last long enough to promote great conversation. There's an old saying that food shared in good company is half digested. Everyone should feel relaxed and happy. Work and home worries should be set aside for a while, and the joys of home should be fully appreciated. In another chapter, we've discussed trendy dinner parties in detail.
The knife and fork were not made for playthings, and should not be used as such when people are waiting at the table for the food to be served. Do not hold them erect in your hands at each side of your plate, nor cross [Pg 126]them on your plate when you have finished, nor make a noise with them. The knife should only be used for cutting meats and hard substances, while the fork, held in the left hand, is used in carrying food into the mouth. A knife must never, on any account, be put into the mouth. When you send your plate to be refilled, do not send your knife and fork, but put them upon a piece of bread, or hold them in your hand.
The knife and fork aren't toys, so don't use them that way when people are waiting at the table for their food. Don't hold them upright in your hands next to your plate, and don’t cross [Pg 126] them on your plate when you're done, or make noise with them. The knife should be used only for cutting meat and tough foods, while the fork, held in your left hand, is for bringing food to your mouth. You should never put a knife in your mouth, no matter what. When you send your plate to be refilled, don't send your knife and fork; instead, place them on a piece of bread or hold them in your hand.
To put large pieces of food into your mouth appears greedy, and if you are addressed when your mouth is so filled, you are obliged to pause, before answering, until the vast mouthful is masticated, or run the risk of choking, by swallowing it too hastily. To eat very fast is also a mark of greediness, and should be avoided. The same may be said of soaking up gravy with bread, scraping up sauce with a spoon, scraping your plate and gormandizing upon one or two articles of food only.
Putting big bites of food into your mouth looks greedy, and if someone talks to you while your mouth is full, you have to pause before answering until you chew your food properly, or you might choke by swallowing too quickly. Eating really fast is also seen as greedy and should be avoided. The same goes for soaking up gravy with bread, using a spoon to get sauce, cleaning your plate, and only eating one or two types of food.
Refrain from making a noise when eating, or supping from a spoon, and from smacking the lips or breathing heavily while masticating food, as they are marks of ill-breeding. The lips should be kept closed in eating as much as possible.
Refrain from making noise while eating or drinking from a spoon, and avoid smacking your lips or breathing loudly while chewing, as those are signs of bad manners. Keep your lips closed while eating as much as you can.
It is rude and awkward to elevate your elbows and move your arms at the table, so as to incommode those on either side of you.
It's considered rude and awkward to raise your elbows and move your arms at the table, as it may inconvenience the people sitting next to you.
Whenever one or both hands are unoccupied, they [Pg 127]should be kept below the table, and not pushed upon the table and into prominence.
Whenever one or both hands are free, they [Pg 127]should be kept below the table and not placed on the table where they can draw attention.
Do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests, without asking the head, or host, to excuse you, except at a hotel or boarding house.
Do not leave the table before the rest of the family or guests without asking the head or host for permission, except when you’re at a hotel or boarding house.
Tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool, but sipped from the cup.
Tea or coffee should never be poured into a saucer to cool; instead, it should be sipped directly from the cup.
If a person wishes to be served with more tea or coffee, he should place his spoon in his saucer. If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup.
If someone wants more tea or coffee, they should put their spoon in their saucer. If they've had enough, they can leave it in the cup.
If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, remove it without remark. Even though your own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice others.
If you happen to find anything unpleasant in the food, like a hair in the bread or a fly in the coffee, just remove it without saying anything. Even if it ruins your own appetite, it's best not to ruin it for others.
Always make use of the butter-knife, sugar-spoon and salt-spoon, instead of using your knife, spoon or fingers.
Always use the butter knife, sugar spoon, and salt spoon instead of your regular knife, spoon, or fingers.
Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table.
Never cough or sneeze at the table, if you can help it.
At home fold your napkin when you are done with it and place it in your ring. If you are visiting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate.
At home, fold your napkin when you're finished with it and put it in your napkin ring. If you're a guest, leave your napkin unfolded next to your plate.
Eat neither too fast nor too slow.
Eat neither too fast nor too slow.
Never lean back in your chair, nor sit too near or too far from the table.
Never lean back in your chair, and don’t sit too close or too far from the table.
Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may not inconvenience your neighbors.
Keep your elbows close to your sides so you don't bother the people next to you.
Do not find fault with the food.
Don't criticize the food.
The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking the last piece upon the plate is no longer observed. It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied, if necessary.[Pg 128]
The old-fashioned habit of not taking the last piece on the plate is no longer practiced. It is assumed that someone will fill the gap if needed.[Pg 128]
If a plate is handed you at the table, keep it yourself instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it on.
If someone hands you a plate at the table, keep it for yourself instead of passing it to someone else. If a dish is passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass it along.
The host or hostess should not insist upon guests partaking of particular dishes; nor ask persons more than once, nor put anything on their plates which they have declined. It is ill-bred to urge a person to eat of anything after he has declined.
The host or hostess should not pressure guests to eat specific dishes; nor should they ask someone more than once, or place anything on their plates that they have refused. It's rude to push someone to eat something after they've said no.
When sweet corn is served on the ear, the grain should be pared from it upon the plate, instead of being eaten from the cob.
When sweet corn is served on the cob, the kernels should be cut off onto the plate instead of eaten directly from the cob.
Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the plate or a side dish for potato skins and other refuse.
Strive to keep the cloth as clean as possible, and use the edge of the plate or a side dish for potato skins and other waste.

CHAPTER XI.
Receptions, Parties and Balls.

Morning receptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking, afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed.
The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies, demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress coats.
The attire for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for women, demi-toilet, with or without a bonnet. No low-cut dresses or short sleeves should be worn at daytime receptions, nor white neckties and dress coats.
The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for evening parties.
The fabric of a woman's outfit can be velvet, silk, muslin, gauze, or grenadine, depending on the season and the wearer's style, but her more elegant jewelry and lace should be saved for evening events.
The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light, consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch, [Pg 130]claret punch, ices, fruit and cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties, and renewed from time to time.
The snacks for "morning receptions" are usually light, including tea, coffee, frozen punch, [Pg 130]claret punch, ice desserts, fruit, and cakes. A cold meal is often laid out after the lighter snacks, and sometimes the table is filled with all the options and restocked periodically.
Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal. Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be present, call soon after.
Invitations to a reception are straightforward and usually quite casual. Often, the lady's card is sent out with the simple note, "At Home Thursday, from four to seven." No responses are needed for these invitations unless "R.S.V.P." is printed in one corner. Each guest leaves a visiting card to serve as a reminder for a follow-up visit. Guests are not expected to make return calls after attending. Those who can't attend should reach out shortly afterward.
A matinee musicale partakes of the nature of a reception, and is one of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with them a programme, assigning to each, in order, his or her part. It is customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in [Pg 131]talking or whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing gratification.
A matinee musicale is similar to a reception and is one of the most challenging events to host. To pull it off, you need to find people with enough vocal and instrumental talent to ensure the event is successful and to organize a program that outlines each person's performance in order. It usually starts with an instrumental piece, followed by solos, duets, quartets, etc., with some instrumental music sprinkled in, but not too much. You'll need a skilled accompanist. The hostess should maintain silence among her guests during the performance of both instrumental and vocal music. If anyone is unaware that talking or whispering during these times is rude, she should make a gesture to let them know. It's also the hostess's responsibility to see that the ladies are escorted to the piano, that the music sheets are turned for them, and that they are guided back to their seats afterward. If she doesn't know them well, the hostess should still express her appreciation.
The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part, often remain for a hot supper.
The outfit at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, but people usually skip the bonnets. Those who participated often stay for a late supper.
Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties.
Morning and afternoon parties in the countryside or at resorts are less formal than those in cities. The hostess introduces her guests to each other, focusing on those she thinks will get along well. Music or some form of entertainment is crucial for making these parties enjoyable.
In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are not considered as good form in good society.
In this country, people don’t usually visit after casual invitations on Sundays. All get-togethers on that day should be informal. Dinner parties aren’t held on Sundays, or at least, they aren’t seen as proper in polite society.
Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced into this country from England. For [Pg 132]these invitations are usually issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left hand corner.
Five o'clock tea, coffee, and kettle-drums have recently been brought to this country from England. For [Pg 132]these invitations are usually printed on the woman's visiting card, with the words written in the bottom left corner.

Or, if for a kettle-drum:
Or, for a bass drum:

No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few remain over half an hour—the conventional time allotted—unless they are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, buns and cakes, which constitute all that is offered to the guests.
No responses are expected to these invitations unless there's an R.S.V.P. on the card. It's up to those who come to decide whether to leave cards. Those who don't attend should call afterward. The hostess greets her guests while standing, assisted by other family members or close friends. For a kettle-drum, there is usually a crowd, but few people stay for more than half an hour—the usual time allowed—unless they get caught up in music or interesting conversation. A table set up in the dining room offers tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches, buns, and cakes, which are all that is provided to the guests.
There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception. The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.
There’s less formality at a kettle-drum than at a bigger daytime reception. The time is spent in casual conversation with friends, listening to music, or enjoying whatever entertainment has been arranged.
Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear the demi-toilet, with or without bonnets.[Pg 133]
Gentlemen wear the standard morning attire. Ladies wear the demi-toilet, with or without hats.[Pg 133]
At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table, together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the family or friends, without the assistance of servants, where the number assembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and drinking.
At five o'clock, tea (or coffee) is served on a side table, along with plates of thin sandwiches and cake. The tea is poured and the refreshments are typically passed around by some family members or friends, without the help of servants, when the group is small. Generally, people who attend these social gatherings are more interested in socializing than in eating and drinking.
Evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand dinners as at balls and evening parties, only the material is not of so diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and in all cases they should be answered immediately.
Evening parties and balls are much more formal than the gatherings we’ve talked about. They require formal evening attire. Recently, though, evening wear is almost as common at fancy dinners as it is at balls and evening parties, although the fabric isn’t as sheer. Lace and muslin are inappropriate. Invitations to evening parties should be sent out one to two weeks in advance, and they should always be responded to right away.
The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great [Pg 134]extent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them, to the exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles, with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the floor.
The essentials for a successful dance party are great music and a lot of people to dance with. An English writer states, "The benefit of the dance is that it brings young people together for a sensible and innocent form of entertainment, pulling them away from frivolous or even harmful activities; it provides them with exercise, and the overall impact of the beauty, elegance, and brilliance of a dance is to uplift rather than degrade the mind." It might be that the ballroom is dominated by round dances to an excessive degree, and it’s possible that these dances occur so often that they could diminish the enjoyment of those who aren’t interested in participating, leaving out "square" and other types of dances. America shouldn't be the only country that limits ballroom dancing to waltzes, as is the case in some of our cities. There should be an equal mix of waltzes and quadrilles, along with one or two contra dances, which would give those who prefer (or whose parents prefer) not to participate in round dances a chance to join in.
There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.
There should be changing rooms for women and men, with a staff member or staff members assigned to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited guests, or tickets with duplicates to hand out to the guests to attach to their coats. Each changing room should have a full set of toiletries. It's common to decorate the house lavishly with flowers. While this is an expensive luxury, it significantly enhances the beauty of the rooms.
Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small, the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band; but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.[Pg 135]
Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dance floor is small, the flute is better than the horn because it's quieter and keeps the beat just as well. The piano and violin are the core of the band; however, when the space is big enough, a larger band can be used.[Pg 135]
The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large balls programmes are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops, lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.
The dances should be planned in advance, and for large events, programs are printed with a list of the dances. Typically, a ball starts with a waltz, followed by a quadrille, and then moves on to galops, lancers, polkas, quadrilles, and waltzes in that order.
Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by lifting their hats in passing. In England a ball-room acquaintance rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more balls than one; so, also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute acquaintanceship. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or between persons residing in different cities. In all [Pg 136]other cases permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those assembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to converse freely without introductions.
Gentlemen introduced to ladies at a ball, just for the purpose of dancing, wait to be acknowledged before speaking with them afterward. However, they can remind the ladies of their presence by tipping their hats as they pass by. In England, a ballroom acquaintance usually doesn’t progress further unless they’ve met at more than one ball; likewise, a gentleman can only ask a young lady for more than two dances in a single evening after being introduced. In England, an introduction made for dancing doesn’t mean they are acquaintances. But here, like in Continental Europe, it does. This is why, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on the Continent, it’s the gentlemen who initiate the recognition, as it should also happen here, or better yet, simultaneously. In our way of life, it’s just as much the gentleman’s responsibility to bow as it is the lady’s. The person who recognizes someone first should be the one to show that recognition first. Introductions at a ballroom are meant to provide ladies with partners or to connect people from different cities. In all [Pg 136]other instances, permission is asked before making introductions. However, when a hostess carefully selects her guests, those gathered should remember that they are, in a way, already introduced to each other, and should be able to converse freely without further introductions.
The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are principally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him. The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers themselves.
The tradition of the host and hostess greeting guests together isn't common anymore. Now, it's mostly the hostess's job to welcome everyone, but the host should stay in view until most guests have arrived so people can easily find him if needed. The same goes for the sons, who that evening will need to divide their attention among everyone. The daughters, along with the sons, will help find partners for the young ladies who want to dance, making sure that no one is overlooked before they join in the dancing themselves.
After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient—within two weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and passes into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door. It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each invita[Pg 137]tion for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls due her may be made on that day.
After a ball, it’s polite to make an after-call to the host lady as soon as possible—within two weeks at the latest. If you wait too long, the call loses its meaning and feels careless. If you can't make the call, just send your card or leave it at the door. Recently, it’s become common for a lady without a regular reception day to include her card with each ball invitation for one or more receptions, so that guests can make the necessary after-calls on that day.
The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock. The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-glass and an abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed, fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes are such as boned turkey, bœuf á la mode, chicken salad, lobster salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen, although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the respectability of their guests.
The supper room at a ball usually opens at midnight. The table is set up to be as elegant as beautiful china, cut glass, and plenty of flowers can make it. The hot dishes include oysters—stewed, fried, broiled, and scalloped—as well as chicken, game, and more. The cold dishes consist of things like boned turkey, bœuf à la mode, chicken salad, lobster salad, and raw oysters. When it's time for supper, the host leads the way with the lady he wants to pay special attention to, who could be an older woman, a stranger, or a bride. The hostess stays until the end, with the gentleman who escorts her to supper, unless a distinguished guest is present, in which case she leads the way. No gentleman should ever enter the supper room alone unless he has seen every lady go in first. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen, even if they are strangers, are allowed to offer their services to wait on them, as the host and hostess are enough to vouch for the respectability of their guests.
Persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush. Invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more than [Pg 138]her rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received. People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a ball or dancing party.
People hosting balls or dance parties should be careful not to invite more guests than their space can hold to avoid overcrowding. Invitations to packed events are not acts of hospitality but rather burdens. However, a hostess is generally safe inviting about 25% more guests than [Pg 138] her room can accommodate, as that’s about the number of regrets she can expect. Typically, those who don't dance don't expect to be invited to a ball or dance party.
Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.
Some people might be surprised to find out that there are expectations placed on guests. In fact, there are social settings where all these expectations are overlooked.
It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation, and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.
It’s the responsibility of everyone who first accepts the invitation and later realizes they can’t make it to send a polite regret, even at the last minute. It’s also rude to accept with no intention of going, so those who do accept should keep this in mind. Every lady attending a ball should make sure her outfit is as fresh as possible. It doesn’t have to be pricey, but it should at least be clean; it can be simple but should never be dirty or wrinkled. The gentlemen should wear evening attire.
It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.
It’s everyone’s responsibility to show up as early as possible after the time specified in the invitation.
Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our society, [Pg 139]would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.
Another responsibility of guests is to do everything they can to enhance the enjoyment of the evening, and they shouldn’t hesitate or refuse to be introduced to guests as the host requests. It’s not obligatory for any gentleman to stay even a moment longer than he wants to with any lady. By continually moving from one person to another whenever he feels like it, he allows others the chance to mingle just as freely; and this practice, commonly adopted in our social gatherings, [Pg 139]would significantly enhance everyone's enjoyment. The incorrect belief that a gentleman must remain at a lady's side like a guard on duty until someone else takes over is ridiculous, and it discourages many who would happily spend a few moments with lady acquaintances if they knew they could leave at any moment if the conversation dropped off or if they wanted to talk to someone else. In a social setting where it’s not considered rude to briefly engage with one person before shifting to another, there’s a constant exchange of pleasantries, and the men move around the room with a delightful freedom that ensures everyone enjoys themselves.
While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to make room for others.
While the hostess is receiving guests, no one should stand next to her except for her family members who are receiving with her, or friends she has chosen to help her. Everyone entering should move on to make space for others.
A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it repaired.
A gentleman should never try to step on a lady's train. He should walk around it. If he accidentally steps on any part of her dress, he must immediately apologize, and if he carelessly tears it, he should stop and offer to take her to the dressing room so she can get it fixed.
If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to her with a glass of water, to take her [Pg 140]into the ball-room when she is without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will, under any circumstances, refuse her request.
If a woman asks a man for a favor, like sending a servant to bring her a glass of water, taking her [Pg 140]to the ballroom when she doesn't have an escort, checking if her carriage is waiting, or any of the many services women often need, no man will, under any circumstances, refuse her request.
A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action will be his reward.
A truly well-mannered guy will remember to invite the daughters of the house to dance, as it’s his duty to do so; and if the ball is held for a lady who enjoys dancing, he should definitely pay attention to her. If he wants to be seen as a real gentleman, he should also make an effort to include those who are often overlooked or ignored on the dance floor. The feeling of having done a kind and gracious act will be his reward.
When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment, are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty, after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.
When guests invited to a party don’t know everyone in the family, their first responsibility, after greeting the hosts, is to ask a mutual friend to introduce them to anyone they haven’t met yet. The hosts are usually too busy with their guests to handle this themselves.
A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home whenever she wishes to go. He [Pg 141]should watch during the evening to see that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her within the next two days.
A woman’s escort should pick her up and take her to the venue. He should accompany her to the dressing room, then return to meet her when she’s ready to go to the ballroom; enter the ballroom with her and introduce her to the host; dance the first dance with her; take her to the supper room, and be prepared to take her home whenever she wants to leave. He [Pg 141] should keep an eye on her throughout the evening to ensure she has partners to dance with. When he takes her home, she shouldn’t invite him inside the house, and even if she does, he should politely decline. He should visit her within the next two days.
A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a ball.
A young man who can dance but refuses to should avoid a party.
The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other, unless his partner is already engaged.
The woman a guy dances with last is the one he takes to dinner. So, he can’t commit to taking anyone else out unless his partner is already occupied.
Public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations, loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room. Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.
Public balls are way more fun when you're with your own group. The real beauty of a ball is the perfect unity and harmony. Arguments, loud conversations, and excessive laughter are especially rude in a ballroom. It takes very little to disrupt the entire gathering.
In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do so.
In leaving a ball, it’s not considered necessary to wish the lady of the house a good night. When leaving a small dance or party, it's polite to do so.
The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be. A London authority defines a ball to be "an assemblage for dancing, of not less than seventy-five persons."
The difference between a ball and an evening party is that a ball always includes dancing, while an evening party might or might not. A London authority defines a ball as "a gathering for dancing, with at least seventy-five people."
Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some acknowl[Pg 142]edgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting their inability to be present.
Common courtesy dictates that those who were invited but couldn't attend should, when they meet the hostess for the first time after the event, make sure to acknowledge their gratitude for the invitation by expressing regret for not being able to attend.
When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should hold it gracefully by his side.
When dancing a round dance, a man should never hold a woman's hand behind him, on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm like it’s a pump handle, like you see in some of our western cities, but should hold it gracefully by his side.
Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology. Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.
Never forget ballroom engagements, don't mix them up, and don't promise two dances to one person. If a lady forgets an engagement, the gentleman she has inadvertently dissed should graciously accept her apology. Good manners and looking like you're in a good mood go hand in hand.
It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she knows.
It’s not required for a man to bow to his partner after a quadrille; it’s enough that he offers his arm and walks at least halfway around the room with her. He doesn’t have to stay by her side unless he wants to, but he can leave her with any lady she knows.
Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.
Never be seen without gloves at a ball, or with any color other than white, unless they are a very light shade.
Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society, those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.
Though it's not common for married couples to dance together in public, men who want to give their wives the compliment of this rare attention, if they have any sense of independence, won't be held back by their fear of comments from Mrs. Grundy.
The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that clergymen should never be seen at [Pg 143]balls, the better for all who attend them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any member of his church to be seen.
The sooner we move past the Puritan belief that clergymen shouldn’t be seen at [Pg 143] balls, the better for everyone attending. If it’s inappropriate for a clergyman to be there, then it’s also inappropriate for any church member to be seen there.
In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."
In leaving a ballroom before the music ends, if there are no family members in sight, you don’t need to look for them before you leave. However, if it’s your first invitation, try to wait until you’ve thanked your hostess for the evening before you go. You can express how much you enjoyed it, but there’s no need to say “it has been a grand success.”
Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance. The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to dance are provided with partners.
Young women should be mindful of how they decline to dance, as failing to provide a good reason may lead a man to interpret it as personal rejection. Once a woman says no, the man shouldn't pressure her to dance again, and she also shouldn't accept another invitation for the same dance. Those in charge of the household should ensure that guests who want to dance are matched with partners.
Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.
Ladies leaving a ball or party shouldn't let gentlemen escort them to their carriages unless they're wearing their coats and hats to leave.
When balls are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the door to the carriage steps.
When balls are held, if the weather is bad, there should be an awning to protect guests as they move from their carriages to the house. In every case, a wide carpet should be laid out from the door to the carriage steps.
Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before the music strikes up.
Gentlemen should ask their partners to dance before the music starts.
In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dance [Pg 144]with any gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance progresses.
In a private dance, a lady can't really turn down a dance [Pg 144] with any gentleman who asks her, unless she has another commitment. If she says no because she's tired, the gentleman will be polite by not dancing himself and staying with her while the dance continues.

CHAPTER XII.
Etiquette of the Street.

HE manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people he meets in the public streets of a city or village, in public conveyances and in traveling generally. The true gentleman, at all times, in all places, and under all circumstances, is kind and courteous to all he meets, regards not only the rights, but the wishes and feelings of others, is deferential to women and to elderly men, and is ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it.
The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve, so impenetrable that insult and coarse familiarity shrink from her, while she, at the same time, carries with her a congenial atmosphere which attracts all, and puts all at their ease.
The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a cloak of proper reserve, so strong that insults and rude familiarity pull back from her, while she also brings with her a friendly vibe that draws everyone in and makes them feel comfortable.
A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and hear, recog[Pg 146]nizing acquaintances with a courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She is always unobtrusive, never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or does anything to attract the attention of the passers-by. She walks along in her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her pre-occupation is secure from any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be subjected.
A woman strolls quietly through the streets, noticing and hearing nothing out of the ordinary, nodding to acquaintances with a polite bow and greeting friends with a few kind words. She remains discreet, never speaking loudly, laughing heartily, or doing anything to draw the attention of those around her. She walks in her own calm, ladylike manner, and her focus keeps her safe from any disturbances that someone with less refined manners might experience.
A lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman, but, when voluntarily offered, accepts them gratefully, graciously, and with an expression of hearty thanks.
A woman never asks for attention or favors from a man, but when they're offered willingly, she accepts them with gratitude, kindness, and a genuine expression of thanks.
A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. To do so would render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to far graver charges.
A woman never makes acquaintances on the street or tries to get the attention or admiration of men. Doing so would undermine her claims to being a lady, and it could expose her to much more serious accusations.
No one, while walking the streets, should fail, through pre-occupation, or absent-mindedness, to recognize friends or acquaintances, either by a bow or some form of salutation. If two gentlemen stop to talk, they should retire to one side of the walk. If a stranger should be in company with one of the gentlemen, an introduction is not necessary. If a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does not know, he lifts his hat to salute them both. If he knows the lady, he should salute her first. The gentleman who accompanies a lady, always returns a salutation made to her.[Pg 147]
No one walking down the street should ignore friends or acquaintances just because they're distracted or lost in thought; they should acknowledge them with a nod or a greeting. If two men stop to chat, they should step to the side of the path. If a stranger is with one of the men, an introduction isn’t needed. If a man sees another man with a lady he doesn’t know, he should tip his hat to greet them both. If he knows the lady, he should greet her first. The man accompanying a lady always responds to any greeting directed at her.[Pg 147]
When a gentleman and lady are walking in the street, if at any place, by reason of the crowd, or from other cause, they are compelled to proceed singly, the gentleman should always precede his companion.
When a man and woman are walking down the street, if they have to walk separately due to the crowd or any other reason, the man should always go ahead of the woman.
If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it to you, you should not, even if it be your most intimate friend, take it from him and look at it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.
If you meet, join, or are visited by someone who has something under their arm or in their hand, and they don’t offer to show it to you, you shouldn't, even if it's your closest friend, take it from them to look at it. That kind of intrusive curiosity is not compatible with the refinement of a well-mannered person, and it always offends to some extent.
In England strict etiquette requires that a lady, meeting upon the street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance, shall give the first bow of recognition. In this country, however, good sense does not insist upon an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred man bows and raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, without waiting for her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she will certainly respond to his salutation. As politeness requires that each salute the other, their salutations will thus be simultaneous.
In England, strict etiquette dictates that when a lady encounters a gentleman she knows on the street, she should initiate the greeting with the first bow. However, in this country, common sense doesn’t demand a strict adherence to this rule. A well-mannered man will bow and tip his hat to every lady he knows upon meeting her, without waiting for her to make the first move. If she is also well-mannered, she will definitely respond to his greeting. Since politeness calls for both to acknowledge each other, their greetings will happen simultaneously.
One should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street, either by bowing or words of greeting, a gen[Pg 148]tleman lifting his hat. If they stop to speak, it is not obligatory to shake hands. Shaking hands is not forbidden, but in most cases it is to be avoided in public.
One should always acknowledge female acquaintances on the street, either by bowing or greeting them verbally, with a gentleman tipping his hat. If they stop to chat, it's not required to shake hands. Shaking hands isn't prohibited, but in most cases, it's best to avoid it in public.

BOWING TO STRANGERS WITH FRIENDS.
If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a stranger with him, all three should bow. If the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him, he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the stranger is a lady, the same deference should be shown as if she were an acquaintance.[Pg 149]
If a man runs into a friend, and that friend has someone unfamiliar with them, all three should nod in acknowledgment. If the man takes a moment to chat with his friend, he should apologize to the stranger for holding them up. If the stranger is a woman, the same respect should be given as if she were someone he knew.[Pg 149]
Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be recognized or returned. One cannot be too polite so long as he conforms to rules, while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them. Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff, it is not for the courteous person to feel mortification, but the boorish one; and so all lookers-on will regard the matter.
Never hesitate to be polite just because you’re worried it won’t be acknowledged or reciprocated. You can’t be too polite as long as you follow the rules, while it’s easy to be rude if you ignore them. Furthermore, if kindness is met with indifference or rejection, it’s not the polite person who should feel embarrassed, but the rude one; and that’s how everyone else will see it.
In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to speak. If the gentleman has anything to say to her, he should not stop her, but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he has to say, when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat.
In meeting a lady, it's up to her whether she wants to stop and chat. If the gentleman has something to say to her, he shouldn't try to stop her but should instead walk alongside her until he's finished. Then he can say goodbye with a bow and a tip of his hat.
A gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most scrupulous politeness, and may take either side of the walk. It is customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side, and he offers her his right arm, when walking arm in arm. If, however, the street is crowded, the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him where she will be the least exposed to crowding.
A guy walking with a woman should treat her with utmost politeness, and he can walk on either side of the path. It's usual for the guy to have the woman on his right side, and he offers her his right arm when they walk arm in arm. However, if the street is crowded, the guy should keep the woman on the side where she is least likely to be jostled.
A gentleman should, in the evening, or whenever her safety, comfort or convenience seems to require it, offer [Pg 150]a lady companion his arm. At other times it is not customary to do so unless the parties be husband and wife or engaged. In the latter case, it is not always advisable to do so, as they may be made the subject of unjust remarks.
A gentleman should, in the evening, or whenever a lady's safety, comfort, or convenience seems to need it, offer her his arm. At other times, it's not typical to do so unless the people involved are husband and wife or engaged. Even in that case, it might not always be wise to do so, as they could become the subject of unfair comments.
In walking together, especially when arm in arm, it is desirable that the two keep step. Ladies should be particular to adapt their pace as far as practicable, to that of their escort. It is easily done.
In walking together, especially when arm in arm, it’s important for both people to keep in sync. Women should make an effort to match their pace as much as possible to that of their companion. It’s easy to do.
A gentleman should always hold open the door for a lady to enter first. This is obligatory, not only in the case of the lady who accompanies him, but also in that of any strange lady who chances to be about to enter at the same time.
A gentleman should always hold the door open for a lady to enter first. This is mandatory, not just for the lady who is with him, but also for any random lady who happens to be entering at the same time.
A gentleman will answer courteously any questions which a lady may address to him upon the street, at the same time lifting his hat, or at least touching it respectfully.
A gentleman will politely answer any questions a lady asks him on the street, while also tipping his hat or at least touching it respectfully.
In England a well-bred man never smokes upon the streets. While this rule does not hold good in this country, yet no gentleman will ever insult a lady by smoking in the streets in her company, and in meeting and saluting a lady he will always remove his cigar from his mouth.[Pg 151]
In England, a refined man never smokes in public. While this rule doesn't apply in this country, no gentleman would ever disrespect a lady by smoking while he’s with her, and when he greets and acknowledges a lady, he will always take his cigar out of his mouth.[Pg 151]
No gentleman is ever guilty of the offense of standing on street corners and the steps of hotels or other public places and boldly scrutinizing every lady who passes.
No gentleman would ever be caught standing on street corners or the steps of hotels or other public places, openly staring at every woman who walks by.
A gentleman will never permit a lady with whom he is walking to carry a package of any kind, but will insist upon relieving her of it. He may even accost a lady when he sees her overburdened and offer his assistance, if their ways lie in the same direction.
A gentleman will never allow a lady he's walking with to carry any kind of package; instead, he will insist on taking it from her. He might even approach a lady he sees struggling and offer his help, as long as they're headed in the same direction.
Never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the other. Shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity. First approach, and then make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately loud tone of voice.
Never talk to your acquaintances from across the street. Yelling is a clear sign of rudeness. First, get closer, and then communicate with your acquaintance or friend in a moderately loud voice.
When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street they should not be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the outside and the other upon the inside.
When two guys are walking with a woman in the street, they shouldn't walk on the same side of her; one should walk on the outside and the other on the inside.
If a gentleman is walking with a lady who has his arm, and they cross the street, it is better not to disengage the arm, and go round upon the outside. Such [Pg 152]effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and that is always to be avoided.
If a guy is walking with a lady linked to his arm, and they need to cross the street, it’s better not to let go of her arm and walk around the outside. Such [Pg 152]effort shows an obvious concern for appearances, which is always best to avoid.
When on your way to fill an engagement, if a friend stops you on the street you may, without committing a breach of etiquette, tell him of your appointment, and release yourself from any delay that may be occasioned by a long talk; but do so in a courteous manner, expressing regret for the necessity.
When you're on your way to an appointment and a friend stops you on the street, you can politely mention your plans and excuse yourself from a long conversation without being rude. Just make sure to do it graciously and show that you regret having to cut the chat short.
A gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on the street for the purpose of walking with her, unless he ascertains that his company would be perfectly agreeable to her. It might be otherwise, and she should frankly say so, if asked.
A gentleman shouldn't approach a lady he knows on the street to walk with her unless he's sure she would be completely comfortable with it. If that's not the case, she should honestly express it if he inquires.
When a lady wishes to enter a store, house or room, if a gentleman accompanies her, he should hold the door open and allow her to enter first, if practicable; for a gentleman must never pass before a lady anywhere if he can avoid it, or without an apology.
When a woman wants to enter a store, house, or room, if a man is with her, he should hold the door open and let her go in first, if possible; a man should never walk in front of a woman anywhere if he can help it, or without saying sorry.
In inquiring for goods at a store or shop, do not say to the clerk or salesman, "I want" such an article, but, "Please show me" such an article, or some other polite form of address.[Pg 153]
When asking for items at a store or shop, don’t say to the clerk or salesperson, "I want" such and such item, but rather, "Please show me" such and such item, or use another polite way to ask.[Pg 153]
You should never take hold of a piece of goods or an article which another person is examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter, when you are at liberty to examine it.
You should never grab something that someone else is looking at. Wait until they put it back on the counter, then you can check it out.
It is rude to interrupt friends whom you meet in a store before they have finished making their purchases, or to ask their attention to your own purchases. It is rude to offer your opinion unasked, upon their judgment or taste, in the selection of goods.
It’s disrespectful to interrupt friends you run into at a store before they’ve finished shopping, or to distract them with your own purchases. It’s also rude to give your unsolicited opinion about their choices or preferences when they’re picking out items.
It is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods, and exceedingly discourteous to the salesman. Use no deceit, but be honest with them, if you wish them to be honest with you.
It’s rude to make fun of and put down products, and it’s really disrespectful to the salesperson. Don’t be dishonest; instead, be truthful with them if you want them to be truthful with you.
Avoid "jewing down" the prices of articles in any way. If the price does not suit, you may say so quietly, and depart, but it is generally best to say nothing about it.
Avoid trying to haggle down the prices of items in any way. If the price isn’t right for you, it’s okay to quietly express that and leave, but it’s usually better to say nothing about it.
It is an insult for the salesman to offensively suggest that you can do better elsewhere, which should be resented by instant departure.
It’s offensive for the salesman to suggest that you can get a better deal somewhere else, and you should leave immediately in response.
Ladies should not monopolize the time and attention of salesmen in small talk, while other customers are in the store to be waited upon.
Ladies shouldn't monopolize the time and attention of salespeople with small talk while other customers are in the store waiting to be helped.
Whispering in a store is rude. Loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly vulgar.
Whispering in a store is disrespectful. Being loud and flashy is extremely rude.
In street cars, omnibuses and other public street conveyances, it should be the endeavor of each passenger to make room for all persons entering, and no gentle[Pg 154]man will retain his seat when there are ladies standing. When a lady accepts a seat from a gentleman, she expresses her thanks in a kind and pleasant manner.
In streetcars, buses, and other public transportation, every passenger should try to make room for others getting on, and no gentleman should stay seated when there are women standing. When a woman takes a seat from a man, she should thank him politely and warmly.
A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept the offer of services from a stranger in alighting from, or entering an omnibus or other public conveyance, and should always acknowledge the courtesy with a pleasant "Thank you, sir," or a bow.
A woman can appropriately accept help from a stranger when getting on or off a bus or other public transportation and should always express gratitude with a friendly "Thank you, sir," or a nod.
Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance.
Never discuss politics or religion in public transportation.
Gentlemen should not cross their legs, nor stretch their feet out into the passage-way of a public conveyance.
Gentlemen shouldn't cross their legs or stick their feet out into the aisle of a public vehicle.
No gentleman will refuse to recognize a lady after she has recognized him, under any circumstances. A young lady should, under no provocation, "cut" a married lady. It is the privilege of age to first recognize those who are younger in years. No young man will fail to recognize an aged one after he has met with recognition. "Cutting" is to be avoided if possible. There are other ways of convincing a man that you do not know him, yet, to young ladies, it is sometimes the only means available to rid them of troublesome acquaintances. "Cutting" consists in returning a bow or recognition with a stare, and is publicly ignoring the acquaintance of the person so treated. It is sometimes done by words in saying, "Really I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance."[Pg 155]
No gentleman will refuse to acknowledge a lady after she has acknowledged him, regardless of the situation. A young lady should never snub a married woman, no matter what. It's the privilege of the older generation to recognize those who are younger. A young man will always acknowledge an older person once he has been recognized. Snubbing should be avoided if possible. There are other ways to make it clear to someone that you don't know them, but for young ladies, sometimes it's the only way to get rid of bothersome acquaintances. Snubbing involves responding to a greeting with a blank stare, publicly ignoring the person. It can also be done verbally by saying, "I don’t believe we’ve met." [Pg 155]
For a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is inelegant and also dangerous. To attempt to cross the street between the carriages of a funeral procession, is rude and disrespectful. The foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful attitude until the melancholy train has passed, is a commendable one to be followed in this country.
For a woman to dash across the street to avoid an oncoming carriage is clumsy and also risky. Trying to cross the street in between the carriages of a funeral procession is inconsiderate and disrespectful. The foreign custom of taking off one's hat and standing respectfully until the somber procession has passed is a worthy practice to adopt in this country.
On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right hand, except when a gentleman is walking alone; then he must always turn aside to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, to anyone carrying a heavy load, to a clergyman or to an old gentleman.
On meeting and passing people on the street, stay to your right, unless a man is walking alone; in that case, he should always step aside to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, someone carrying a heavy load, a clergyman, or an older gentleman.
If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm, and there is but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and walk outside. Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself, but half deluges his companions with its dripping streams.
If a guy is walking with two women in a rainstorm and there's only one umbrella, he should give it to them and walk outside. There's nothing more ridiculous than seeing a guy walking between two women holding an umbrella that keeps him dry but drenches his companions with its dripping water.
Never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down, or may knock down another, by the violent contact. Always look in the way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision.[Pg 156]
Never turn a corner at full speed, or you might get knocked down, or knock someone else down, due to the sudden impact. Always look in the direction you're headed, or you might run into something awkward.[Pg 156]
A young lady should, if possible, avoid walking alone in the street after dark. If she passes the evening with a friend, provision should be made beforehand for an escort. If this is not practicable, the person at whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her, or some proper person—a gentleman acquaintance present, or her own husband—to perform the duty. A married lady may, however, disregard this rule, if circumstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort.
A young woman should, if possible, avoid walking alone on the street at night. If she spends the evening with a friend, arrangements should be made in advance for someone to accompany her. If this isn't feasible, the host should send a staff member with her, or a suitable person—a male friend present, or her husband—to take on that responsibility. A married woman may, however, skip this guideline if circumstances make it hard for her to find someone to accompany her.
A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs, and allow her to precede him in going down.
A gentleman will always go up a flight of stairs in front of a lady and let her go first when going down.
Do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare, but pay him and dismiss him. If you have a complaint to make against him, take his name and make it to the proper authorities. It is rude to keep a lady waiting while you are disputing with a hack-man.
Do not argue with a taxi driver about the fare; just pay him and move on. If you have a complaint, take down his name and report it to the appropriate authorities. It's inconsiderate to keep a lady waiting while you’re arguing with a cab driver.


CHAPTER XIII.
Etiquette of Public Places.

LL well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all places with perfect decorum. Wherever they meet people they will be found polite, considerate of the comfort, convenience and wishes of others, and unobtrusive in their behavior. They seem to know, as if by instinct, how to conduct themselves, wherever they may go, or in whatever society they may be thrown. They consider at all times the fitness of things, and their actions and speech are governed by feelings of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into social relations, having a due consideration for the opinions and prejudices of others, and doing nothing to wound their feelings. Many people, however, either from ignorance, thoughtlessness or carelessness, are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining to places of public assemblages. It is for this reason that rules are here given by which may be regulated the [Pg 158]conduct of people in various public gatherings, where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call forth unfavorable criticism.
A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium.
A gentleman should take off his hat when entering the auditorium.
When visiting a strange church, you should wait in the vestibule until an usher appears to show you to a seat.
When you go to an unfamiliar church, you should wait in the entrance area until an usher comes to direct you to a seat.
A gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of, or by the side of a lady, allowing the lady to first enter the pew. There should be no haste in passing up the aisle.
A gentleman can walk up the aisle a little ahead of or next to a lady, letting her enter the pew first. There should be no rush in walking up the aisle.
People should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church, and avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making a noise of any kind with the feet or hands.
People should maintain complete silence and respect in church, and avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making any noise with their feet or hands.
It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is unavoidably late, it is better to take a pew as near the door as possible.
It’s rude to be late to church. If you can’t avoid being late, it’s better to sit in a pew close to the door.
Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or head of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, however, it is customary for him to sit by her side during church services.
Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or front of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, though, it's customary for him to sit next to her during church services.
A person should never leave church until the services are over, except in some case of emergency.
A person should never leave church until the services are finished, unless there's an emergency.
Do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone, to watch the choir, to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing noise.
Do not turn around in your seat to look at anyone, to watch the choir, to check out the congregation, or to see what’s causing any distracting noise.
If books or fans are passed in church, let them be [Pg 159]offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture of the head.
If books or fans are passed in church, let them be [Pg 159]offered and accepted or declined with a nod.
It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should be indicated.
It’s polite to make sure that strangers have access to books; and if the service is unfamiliar to them, the spots for reading for the day should be pointed out.
It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use.
It’s completely fine to offer to share your prayer book or hymn book with a stranger if there isn’t a separate one available for them.
In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of the church—that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. No matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you, let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the church.
In visiting a church with beliefs different from your own, show the highest respect for the services and follow all the practices of the church—meaning, kneel, sit, and stand with the congregation. No matter how strange some of the rituals and customs may seem to you, don’t let any smile or dismissive comment show that while you’re in the church.
When the services are concluded, there should be no haste in crowding up the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously. When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues.
When the services are over, there shouldn’t be any rushing to crowd the aisle; the exit should be made quietly and respectfully. Once in the vestibule, it’s fine to greet friends, but there shouldn’t be any loud conversation or rowdy laughter. Additionally, guys shouldn’t cluster in groups in the vestibule or on the church steps and make ladies uncomfortable with their stares and comments.
If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This he must do with the ungloved right hand.
If a Protestant man goes with a lady who is Roman Catholic to her church, it's a polite gesture to offer the holy water. He should do this with his bare right hand.
In visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice, one should always go at a time when there [Pg 160]are no services being held. If people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demeanor of the visitor should be respectful and subdued and his voice low, so that he may not disturb them.
In visiting a church just to see the building, you should always go when there [Pg 160] aren’t any services happening. If you find people praying, which is often the case in Roman Catholic churches, you should be respectful and quiet, keeping your voice low so you don’t disturb them.
A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre, concert or other public place of amusement, must send his invitation the previous day. The lady must reply immediately, so that if she declines, there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion.
A guy inviting a girl to join him at the opera, theater, concert, or any other public event must send his invitation the day before. The girl should respond right away so that if she says no, the guy still has time to find another partner.
It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment, or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where they can neither see nor hear.
It’s the gentleman’s responsibility to get good seats for the show, or else he or his companion might end up in seats where they can’t see or hear anything.
On entering the hall, theater or opera house the gentleman should walk side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case he should precede her. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her to take the inner one, assuming the outer one himself.
On entering the hall, theater, or opera house, the gentleman should walk next to his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case he should go ahead of her. When they reach their seats, he should let her take the inner one while he takes the outer one.
A gentleman should, on no account, leave the lady's side from the beginning to the close of the performance.
A gentleman should, under no circumstances, leave the lady's side from the start to the end of the performance.
If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to promenade during the intermission. If she declines, the gentleman must retain his position by her side.[Pg 161]
If it’s a concert or opera in a park, the lady might be invited to take a walk during intermission. If she says no, the gentleman should stay by her side.[Pg 161]
There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to converse with her between the acts, and to render the entertainment as agreeable to her as possible.
There is no obligation for a gentleman to give up his seat for a lady. On the contrary, his responsibility is only to the lady he’s with. He should stay by her side during the evening to talk with her between the acts and make the experience as enjoyable for her as possible.
During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing. Between the acts it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be done in a low tone, so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should be no loud talking, boisterous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention of others.
During the performance, complete silence should be maintained so the audience can see and hear properly. It's totally fine to chat between acts, but keep your voice down to avoid drawing attention. No whispering either. Avoid loud talking, excessive laughter, dramatic gestures, romantic displays, or anything in your behavior or speech that might distract others.
It is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving satisfaction.
It’s fair and important for the actors to be applauded when they earn it. It’s their only way of knowing if they’re meeting expectations.
The gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme, and with libretto also if they are attending opera.
The man should make sure the woman has a program, and a libretto too if they are going to the opera.
In passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should precede the lady, and there should be no crowding or pushing.
At the end of the show, the man should exit before the woman, and there shouldn't be any shoving or crowding.
If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call for his companion in a carriage. This is especially necessary if the evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to reach their destination before the performance commences.[Pg 162] It is unjust to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in obtaining seats.
If a gentleman has the means to do so, he should arrange for a carriage to pick up his companion. This is particularly important if the weather is bad. He should call ahead early enough to ensure they arrive at their destination before the performance starts.[Pg 162] It’s inconsiderate to the entire audience to arrive late and cause a disruption while finding seats.
The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following day, which permission she should grant; and if she be a person of delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect, and seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy.
The gentleman should ask for permission to visit the lady the next day, which she should grant. If she is someone with grace and sensitivity, she will let him know that his invitation truly pleased her. Even if she has some critiques about the event, she should be forgiving and focus on the positives instead, so he doesn't feel bad for taking her to a gathering that turned out to be disappointing.
At a theatrical or operatic performance, you should remain seated until the performance is concluded and the curtain falls. It is exceedingly rude and ill-bred to rise and leave the hall while the play is drawing to a close, yet this severely exasperating practice has of late been followed by many well-meaning people, who, if they were aware of the extent to which they outraged the feelings of many of the audience, and unwittingly offered an insult to the actors on the stage, would shrink from repeating such flagrantly rude conduct.
At a theater or opera performance, you should stay in your seat until the show is over and the curtain falls. It’s extremely rude and inconsiderate to get up and leave while the performance is still going on. Unfortunately, this annoying behavior has become common among many well-intentioned people. If they realized how much they upset others in the audience and unintentionally disrespected the performers on stage, they would hesitate to repeat such blatantly rude actions.
In visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment of a gentleman or a lady. Make no loud comments and do not seek to show superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous criticism. If you have not an art education you will probably only [Pg 163]be giving publicity to your own ignorance. Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and thus obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk. If you wish to converse with any anyone on general subjects, draw to one side, out of the way of those who want to look at the pictures.
When visiting art galleries, always act like a gentleman or lady. Avoid making loud comments and don’t try to show off what you know about art through unnecessary criticism. If you don’t have an art education, you’ll likely just expose your own ignorance. Don’t block the view of others by standing and talking in front of a painting; let those who want to see enjoy the artwork. If you want to chat about general topics, step aside so you don’t interrupt those who want to look at the pictures.
In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the article or their price, unless you can praise. If you want them, pay the price demanded, or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise an article, by all means do so, as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances to be within hearing. If you have a table at a fair, use no unladylike means to obtain buyers. Not even the demands of charity can justify you in importuning others to purchase articles against their own judgment or beyond their means.
When you visit a fancy fair, don’t comment on the items or their prices unless you can give a compliment. If you want something, pay the asking price or just walk away. If you genuinely like an item, definitely share your praise, as it might bring happiness to the maker if she can hear you. If you have a table at the fair, don’t use any unladylike tactics to attract buyers. Not even charitable reasons can excuse you for pushing others to buy things against their better judgment or that they can’t afford.
Never appear so beggarly as to retain the change, if a larger amount is presented than the price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentleman will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, and you may accept it with thanks. He is, however, under no obligation whatever to make such donation.
Never look so needy as to keep the change if someone gives you more than the price. Offer the change right away, and the person can decide to donate it if they want to, and you can accept it graciously. However, they have no obligation to make that donation.
Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and by all means avoid conspicuous flirting in so public a place.
Avoid loud talking or laughing, and definitely steer clear of noticeable flirting in such a public space.
As a gentleman must always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, so he should remain with head uncovered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a public place of this character.[Pg 164]
A gentleman should always take off his hat when around ladies, and he should keep his head bare while holding his hat in his hand in a public place like this.[Pg 164]
If you have occasion to visit an artist's studio, by no means meddle with anything in the room. Reverse no picture which stands or hangs with face to the wall; open no portfolio without permission, and do not alter by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece of furniture or article of vertu posed as a model. You do not know with what care the artist may have arranged these things, nor what trouble the disarrangement may cost him.
If you get a chance to visit an artist's studio, please don't touch anything in the room. Don't turn over any pictures that are facing the wall, don't open any portfolios without permission, and don't change a single thing about any mannequins, furniture, or decorative items being used as models. You have no idea how carefully the artist has arranged these items, or how much trouble it might cause him if they're moved.
Use no strong expression either of delight or disapprobation at anything presented for your inspection. If a picture or a statue please you, show your approval and appreciation by close attention, and a few quiet, well chosen words, rather than by extravagant praise.
Use no strong expressions of pleasure or disapproval regarding anything shown to you. If a picture or a statue appeals to you, express your approval and appreciation through attentive observation and a few carefully selected, calm words, rather than by lavish compliments.
Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a purchaser; and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works, make your choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded. You may express your desire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at once you may ask his price, and if he names a higher one than you wish to give, you may say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it will be optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your offer.
Do not ask the artist about their prices unless you genuinely plan to buy something; and if that's the case, it's better to carefully look at their work, make your selection, and let someone else handle the negotiation or communicate with the artist in writing after your visit. You can express your interest in the artwork and receive a refusal from the artist. If you want to make a deal right away, you can ask for the price, and if it's higher than what you're willing to pay, you can let the artist know and mention the amount you’re comfortable paying. Then, it’s up to the artist to either stick with their original price or accept your offer.
It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist except by special invitation or permission, and at an appointed [Pg 165]time, for you cannot estimate how much you may disturb him at his work. The hours of daylight are all golden to him; and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil is sometimes only acquired each day after hours of practice, and may be instantly lost on the irruption and consequent interruption of visitors.
It’s not appropriate to visit an artist's studio unless you have a special invitation or permission and go at a set [Pg 165]time, because you can’t know how much you might disrupt them while they’re working. Every hour of daylight is precious to them, and the steady hand needed to draw is often developed through hours of practice each day, which can be quickly lost when visitors unexpectedly show up and interrupt.
Never take a young child to a studio, for it may do much mischief in spite of the most careful watching. At any rate, the juvenile visitor will try the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a constant state of apprehension.
Never take a young child to a studio, because it can cause a lot of trouble despite the closest supervision. In any case, the young visitor will test the artist's patience and nerves by keeping them in a constant state of worry.
If you have engaged to sit for your portrait never keep the artist waiting one moment beyond the appointed time. If you do so you should in justice pay for the time you make him lose.
If you've agreed to sit for your portrait, never make the artist wait even a moment longer than the scheduled time. If you do, you should fairly compensate them for the time you're wasting.
A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work; for if he be a man of nervous temperament it will be likely to disturb him greatly.
A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him work; because if he’s a nervous person, it’s likely to disturb him a lot.
Gentleman having occasion to pass before ladies who are already seated in lecture and concert rooms, theaters and other public places, should beg pardon for disturbing them; passing with their faces and never with their backs toward them.
Gentlemen who need to walk in front of ladies already seated in lecture and concert halls, theaters, and other public places should apologize for interrupting them and should pass by facing the ladies instead of turning their backs to them.
At garden parties and at all assemblies held in the open air, gentlemen keep their hats on their heads. If draughts of cold air, or other causes, make it necessary [Pg 166]for them to retain their hats on their heads, when in the presence of ladies within doors, they explain the necessity and ask permission of the ladies whom they accompany.
At garden parties and all outdoor gatherings, men keep their hats on their heads. If cold drafts or other reasons make it necessary [Pg 166]for them to keep their hats on when they are inside with ladies, they explain why and ask for permission from the ladies they are with.

CHAPTER XIV.
Etiquette of Travelling.

HERE is nothing that tests the natural politeness of men and women so thoroughly as traveling. We all desire as much comfort as possible and as a rule are selfish. In these days of railroad travel, when every railway is equipped with elegant coaches for the comfort, convenience and sometimes luxury of its passengers, and provided with gentlemanly conductors and servants, the longest journeys by railroad can be made alone by self-possessed ladies with perfect safety and but little annoyance. Then, too, a lady who deports herself as such may travel from the Atlantic to the Pacific, from Maine to the Gulf of Mexico, and meet with no affront or insult, but on the contrary receive polite attentions at every point, from men who may chance to be her fellow-travelers. This may be accounted for from the fact that, as a rule in America, all men show a deferential regard for women, and are especially desirous of showing them such attentions as will render a long and lonesome journey as pleasant as possible.
However self-possessed and ladylike in all her deportment and general bearing a lady may be, and though capable of undertaking any journey, howsoever long it may be, an escort is at all times much more pleasant, and generally acceptable. When a gentleman undertakes the escort of a lady, he should proceed with her to the depot, or meet her there, a sufficient time before the departure of the train to attend to the checking of her baggage, procure her ticket, and obtain for her an eligible seat in the cars, allowing her to choose such seat as she desires. He will then dispose of her packages and hand-baggage in their proper receptacle, and make her seat and surroundings as agreeable for her as possible, taking a seat near her, or by the side of her if she requests it, and do all he can to make her journey a pleasant one.
However composed and proper a lady may be in her behavior and general demeanor, and even if she is capable of handling any journey, no matter how long, having an escort is always much more pleasant and generally welcomed. When a gentleman escorts a lady, he should accompany her to the station, or meet her there, with enough time before the train departs to check her luggage, get her ticket, and secure a good seat for her, allowing her to choose whichever seat she prefers. He will then take care of her bags and hand luggage, making sure they are stored correctly, and arrange her seat and surroundings to be as comfortable as possible, sitting nearby or next to her if she asks, doing everything he can to ensure her trip is enjoyable.
Upon arriving at her destination, he should conduct her to the ladies' waiting-room or to a carriage, until he has attended to her baggage, which he arranges to have delivered where the lady requests it. He should then escort her to whatever part of the city she is going and deliver her into the hands of her friends before relaxing his care. On the following day he should call upon her to inquire after her health. It is optional with the lady whether the acquaintance shall be prolonged or not after this call. If the lady does not wish to prolong the acquaintance, she can have no right, nor can her friends, to request a similar favor of him at another time.[Pg 169]
Upon arriving at her destination, he should take her to the ladies' waiting room or to a carriage while he takes care of her luggage, which he will arrange to be delivered wherever she asks. He should then accompany her to wherever she’s headed in the city and make sure she’s safely with her friends before he relaxes his responsibility. The next day, he should check in on her to see how she’s doing. It’s up to her whether she wants to continue the acquaintance after this visit. If she doesn’t want to keep in touch, neither she nor her friends have the right to ask for a similar favor from him at another time.[Pg 169]
The lady may supply her escort with a sum of money ample to pay all the expenses of the journey before purchasing her ticket, or furnish him the exact amount required, or, at the suggestion of her escort, she may allow him to defray the expenses from his own pocket, and settle with him at the end of the journey. The latter course, however, should only be pursued when the gentleman suggests it, and a strict account of the expenses incurred must be insisted on.
The lady can give her escort enough money to cover all the travel expenses before buying her ticket, or provide him with the exact amount needed, or, if her escort suggests it, she might let him pay for everything and then settle up with him at the end of the trip. However, this last option should only be taken if the gentleman brings it up, and she should make sure to get a detailed account of the expenses.
A lady should give her attendant as little trouble and annoyance as possible, and she should make no unnecessary demands upon his good nature and gentlemanly services. Her hand-baggage should be as small as circumstances will permit, and when once disposed of, it should remain undisturbed until she is about to leave the car, unless she should absolutely require it. As the the train nears the end of her journey, she will deliberately gather together her effects preparatory to departure, so that when the train stops she will be ready to leave the car at once and not wait to hurriedly grab her various parcels, or cause her escort unnecessary delay.
A lady should give her attendant as little trouble and annoyance as possible, and she shouldn't make any unnecessary demands on his kindness and gentlemanly help. Her luggage should be as minimal as the situation allows, and once it's set down, it should stay that way until she's ready to leave the train, unless she really needs something. As the train approaches her destination, she will take her time to gather her things in preparation for departure, so that when the train stops, she can leave the car immediately without scrambling to grab her belongings or causing her escort any unnecessary delay.
A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services from her fellow-travelers, which she should always acknowledge graciously. Indeed, it is the business of a gentleman to see that the wants of an unescorted lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or lower her win[Pg 170]dow if she seems to have any difficulty in doing it herself. He may offer his assistance in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, or in engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. Still, women should learn to be as self-reliant as possible; and young women particularly should accept proffered assistance from strangers, in all but the slightest offices, very rarely.
A woman traveling alone can accept help from her fellow travelers, and she should always acknowledge it graciously. It’s a gentleman’s responsibility to ensure that the needs of an unaccompanied lady are met. He should offer to help raise or lower her window if she seems to be having trouble doing it herself. He can also offer to assist her with her bags when she’s leaving the train or help arrange for a taxi or retrieve a suitcase. However, women should aim to be as independent as possible, and young women especially should rarely accept help from strangers, except in the most minor matters.
It is not only the right, but the duty of ladies to render any assistance or be of any service to younger ladies, or those less experienced in traveling than themselves. They may show many little courtesies which will make the journey less tedious to the inexperienced traveler, and may give her important advice or assistance which may be of benefit to her. An acquaintance formed in traveling, need never be retained afterwards. It is optional whether it is or not.
It’s not just the right, but also the responsibility of women to help younger women or those who are less experienced with traveling. They can offer small gestures that make the trip easier for the inexperienced traveler and provide important advice or help that could be beneficial. A friendship formed while traveling doesn’t have to last after the trip; it’s completely up to them.
In seeking his own comfort, no passenger has a right to overlook or disregard that of others. If for his own comfort, he wishes to raise or lower a window he should consult the wishes of passengers immediately around him before doing so. The discomforts of traveling should be borne cheerfully, for what may enhance your own comfort may endanger the health of some fellow-traveler.[Pg 171]
In looking for his own comfort, no passenger should ignore or disregard the comfort of others. If he wants to raise or lower a window for his own comfort, he should check with the passengers nearby first. Traveling can be uncomfortable, and we should handle it gracefully, because what improves your own comfort might put the health of someone else at risk.[Pg 171]
See everywhere and at all times that ladies and elderly people have their wants supplied before you think of your own. Nor is there need for unmanly haste or pushing in entering or leaving cars or boats. There is always time enough allowed for each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly manner and with a due regard to the rights of others.
See everywhere and always that women and elderly people have their needs taken care of before you think of your own. There's no need for ungentlemanly rushing or shoving when getting on or off cars or boats. There’s always enough time for each passenger to board in a respectful way and with consideration for the rights of others.
If, in riding in the street-cars or crossing a ferry, your friend insists on paying for you, permit him to do so without serious remonstrance. You can return the favor at some other time.
If your friend insists on paying for you while riding in the streetcars or crossing a ferry, let him do it without arguing too much. You can return the favor another time.
If a gentleman in traveling, either on cars or steamboat, has provided himself with newspapers or other reading, he should offer them to his companions first. If they are refused, he may with propriety read himself, leaving the others free to do the same if they wish.
If a guy is traveling, whether by train or boat, and has brought along newspapers or other reading materials, he should offer them to his fellow travelers first. If they decline, he can properly read them himself, while giving others the chance to do the same if they want.
No lady will retain possession of more than her rightful seat in a crowded car. When others are looking for accommodations she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dispose of her baggage that the seat beside her may be occupied by anyone who desires it, no matter how agreeable it may be to retain possession of it.
No lady will hold onto more than her fair seat in a crowded car. When others are searching for a place to sit, she should immediately and cheerfully arrange her belongings so that the seat next to her can be taken by anyone who wants it, no matter how nice it might be to keep it for herself.
It shows a great lack of proper manners to see two [Pg 172]ladies, or a lady and gentleman turn over the seat in front of them and fill it with their wraps and bundles, retaining it in spite of the entreating or remonstrating looks of fellow-passengers. In such a case any person who desires a seat is justified in reversing the back, removing the baggage and taking possession of the unused seat.
It shows a serious lack of manners to see two [Pg 172]ladies, or a lady and a gentleman, turn around and fill the seat in front of them with their coats and bags, holding onto it despite the pleading or disapproving glances from other passengers. In this situation, anyone who wants a seat is totally justified in flipping the seat back, clearing away the bags, and claiming the empty seat.
A gentleman in traveling may take possession of a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after baggage or procure a lunch, leaving the seat in charge of a companion, or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to show that it is engaged. When a seat is thus occupied, the right of possession must be respected, and no one should presume to take a seat thus previously engaged, even though it may be wanted for a lady. A gentleman cannot, however, in justice, vacate his seat to take another in the smoking-car, and at the same time reserve his rights to the first seat. He pays for but one seat, and by taking another he forfeits the first.
A gentleman traveling can take a seat and then go to buy tickets, check on luggage, or grab lunch, leaving the seat with a friend or placing a bag or coat on it to show it's taken. When a seat is occupied this way, the right of possession should be respected, and no one should assume they can take a seat that's already claimed, even if it's needed for a lady. However, a gentleman can't fairly leave his seat to sit in the smoking car while trying to keep his hold on the original seat. He pays for just one seat, and by sitting in another, he loses the first one.
It is not required of a gentleman in a railway car to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady, though a gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather than allow the lady to stand or suffer inconvenience from poor accommodations.
It’s not necessary for a man to give up his seat on a train for a woman, but a truly polite man will do so to avoid making her stand or deal with uncomfortable seating.
In the street cars the case is different. No woman should be allowed to stand while there is a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to the man will be temporary and trifling at the most, and he can well afford to suffer it rather than to do an uncourteous act.[Pg 173]
In streetcars, it’s a different story. No woman should have to stand while a seat is taken by a man. The inconvenience to the man will be brief and minor at best, and he can easily handle it rather than act discourteously.[Pg 173]
While an acquaintance formed in a railway car or on a steamboat, continues only during the trip, discretion should be used in making acquaintances. Ladies may, as has been stated, accept small courtesies and favors from strangers, but must check at once any attempt at familiarity. On the other hand, no man who pretends to be a gentleman will attempt any familiarity. The practice of some young girls just entering into womanhood, of flirting with any young man they may chance to meet, either in a railway car or on a steamboat, indicates low-breeding in the extreme. If, however, the journey is long, and especially if it be on a steamboat, a certain sociability may be allowed, and a married lady or a lady of middle age may use her privileges to make the journey an enjoyable one, for fellow-passengers should always be sociable to one another.
While an acquaintance made on a train or a steamboat lasts only for the duration of the trip, it's important to be careful when forming these connections. Ladies can accept small kindnesses and favors from strangers, but they should quickly put a stop to any attempts at being overly familiar. Conversely, any man who claims to be a gentleman won't try to be familiar. The behavior of some young girls just starting adulthood, who flirt with any young man they happen to encounter, whether on a train or a steamboat, shows a lack of refinement. However, if the trip is long, especially on a steamboat, a bit of sociability may be acceptable, and a married woman or an older lady might use her social standing to make the journey more enjoyable, as fellow passengers should always be friendly with each other.

CHAPTER XV.
RIDING AND DRIVING.

NE of the most exhilarating and enjoyable amusements that can be indulged in by either ladies or gentlemen is that of riding on horseback, and it is a matter of regret that it is not participated in to a greater extent than it is. The etiquette of riding, though meagre, is exact and important.
The first thing to do is to learn to ride, and no one should attempt to appear in public until a few preliminary lessons in riding are taken. Until a person has learned to appear at ease on horseback, he or she should not appear in public. The advice given in the old rhyme should be kept in mind, viz:
The first thing to do is learn to ride, and no one should try to show up in public until they've taken a few basic riding lessons. Until someone feels comfortable on horseback, they shouldn't go out in public. The advice from the old rhyme should be remembered, namely:
Keep up your head and your heart,
Your hands and your heels keep down;
Press your knees close to your horse's sides,
And your elbows close to your own.
[Pg 175]
Keep your head and your heart up,
Palms and heels down;
Press your knees against your horse's sides,
Keep your elbows close to your body.
[Pg 175]
When a gentleman contemplates riding with a lady, his first duty is to see that her horse is a proper one for her use, and one that she can readily manage. He must see that her saddle and bridle are perfectly secure, and trust nothing of this kind to the stable men, without personal examination. He must be punctual at the appointed hour, and not keep the lady waiting for him clad in her riding costume. He should see the lady comfortably seated in her saddle before he mounts himself; take his position on the lady's right in riding, open all gates and pay all tolls on the road.
When a man is thinking about riding with a woman, his first responsibility is to make sure her horse is suitable for her and that she can handle it easily. He needs to check that her saddle and bridle are securely fastened, and he shouldn’t rely on the stable staff for this without checking himself. He should arrive on time at the agreed hour and not make the woman wait while she’s dressed for riding. He should ensure she’s comfortably seated in her saddle before he gets on his own horse, take his position on her right while riding, and open all gates and pay any tolls along the way.

The lady will place herself on the left side of the horse, standing as close to it as possible, with her skirts gathered in her left hand, her right hand upon the pommel, and her face toward the horse's head. The gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing the lady, and stooping, hold his hand so that she may place her foot in it. This she does, when the foot is lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in gaining the saddle. The gentleman must then put her foot in the stirrup, smooth the skirt of her riding habit, and give her the reins and her riding whip.
The lady will position herself on the left side of the horse, standing as close to it as she can, with her skirts gathered in her left hand, her right hand on the pommel, and her face toward the horse's head. The gentleman should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing the lady, and bend down to hold his hand out so she can step into it. She does this as she jumps up, allowing him to gently help her into the saddle. The gentleman should then place her foot in the stirrup, smooth out her riding outfit, and hand her the reins and her riding whip.
In riding with one lady, a gentleman takes his position to the right of her. When riding with two or more, his position is still to the right unless one of them needs his assistance or requests his presence near her. He must offer all the courtesies of the road, and yield the best and shadiest side to the ladies. The lady must always decide upon the pace at which to ride. It is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a faster gait than she feels competent to undertake.
In riding with a lady, a gentleman positions himself to her right. When riding with two or more ladies, he still stays on the right unless one of them needs his help or asks him to be closer. He should offer all the polite gestures of the road and give the best and shadiest side to the ladies. The lady should always decide on the pace. It’s unkind to push her or encourage her horse to go faster than she feels comfortable with.
If a gentleman, when riding alone, meets a lady who is walking and wishes to enter into conversation with her, he must alight and remain on foot while talking with her.[Pg 177]
If a guy is riding alone and sees a woman walking and wants to chat with her, he should get off his horse and stay on foot while they talk.[Pg 177]
After the ride, the gentleman must assist his companion to alight. She must first free her knee from the pommel, and be certain that her habit is entirely disengaged. He must then take her left hand in his right, and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand slowly and allows her to reach the ground gently without springing. A lady should not attempt to spring from the saddle.
After the ride, the gentleman should help his companion get down. She needs to first free her knee from the saddle and make sure her outfit is completely clear. He should then take her left hand with his right and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. He then lowers his hand slowly, allowing her to reach the ground gently without jumping down. A lady shouldn't try to jump off the saddle.
The choicest seat in a double carriage is the one facing the horses, and gentlemen should always yield this seat to the ladies. If only one gentleman and one lady are riding in a two-seated carriage, the gentleman must sit opposite the lady, unless she invites him to a seat by her side. The place of honor is on the right hand of the seat facing the horses. This is also the seat of the hostess, which she never resigns. If she is not driving, it must be offered to the most distinguished lady. A person should enter a carriage with the back to the seat, so as to prevent turning round in the carriage. A gentleman must be careful not to trample upon or crush a lady's dress. In driving, one should always remember that the rule of the road in meeting and passing another vehicle is to keep to the right.[Pg 178]
The best seat in a two-seat carriage is the one facing the horses, and gentlemen should always give this seat to the ladies. If there is only one gentleman and one lady in the carriage, the gentleman must sit opposite the lady unless she invites him to sit next to her. The place of honor is to the right of the seat facing the horses, which is also the seat for the hostess, and she never gives it up. If she isn’t driving, it should be offered to the most distinguished lady. When entering a carriage, a person should face away from the seat to avoid turning around inside. A gentleman should be careful not to step on or crush a lady's dress. When driving, always remember that the rule of the road when meeting or passing another vehicle is to keep to the right.[Pg 178]
A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, even if he has to pass before a lady in doing so. He must then assist the ladies to alight. If there is a servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open the door, but the gentleman must by all means furnish the ladies the required assistance. If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to assist her out, and if she wishes to resume her seat, he must again alight to help her to do so.
A gentleman should always get out of a carriage first, even if it means passing in front of a lady. He then needs to help the ladies get out. If there's a servant with the carriage, they can hold the door open, but the gentleman must still offer the necessary assistance to the ladies. If a lady needs to get out of the carriage before the gentleman, he should get out to help her, and if she wants to sit back down, he must also get out to assist her with that.
In assisting a lady to enter a carriage, a gentleman will take care that the skirt of her dress is not allowed to hang outside. A carriage robe should be provided to protect her dress from the mud and dust of the road. The gentleman should provide the lady with her parasol, fan and shawl, and see that she is comfortable in every way, before he seats himself.
In helping a lady get into a car, a gentleman should make sure her dress doesn’t get caught outside. A carriage blanket should be available to keep her dress clean from mud and dust on the road. The gentleman should hand the lady her umbrella, fan, and shawl, and ensure she's comfortable in every way before he sits down.
While driving with another who holds the reins, you must not interfere with the driver, as anything of this kind implies a reproof, which is very offensive. If you think his conduct wrong, or are in fear of danger resulting, you may delicately suggest a change, apologizing therefor. You should resign yourself to the driver's control, and be perfectly calm and self-possessed during the course of a drive.[Pg 179]
While riding with someone who’s in control, you shouldn’t interfere with the driver, as doing so can come off as criticizing them, which is quite insulting. If you believe their actions are wrong or feel that it might lead to danger, you can gently suggest a change, but be sure to apologize for doing so. You should accept the driver’s authority and remain completely calm and composed throughout the ride.[Pg 179]
CHAPTER XVI.
Courtship and Marriage.

HE correct behavior of young men toward young ladies, and of young ladies toward young men, during that portion of their lives when they are respectively paying attention to, and receiving attention from, one another, is a matter which requires consideration in a work of this nature.
Young people of either sex, who have arrived at mature age, and who are not engaged, have the utmost freedom in their social intercourse in this country, and are at liberty to associate and mingle freely in the same circles with those of the opposite sex. Gentlemen are at liberty to invite their lady friends to concerts, operas, balls, etc., to call upon them at their homes, to ride and drive with them, and make themselves agreeable to all young ladies to whom their company is acceptable. In fact they are at liberty to accept invitations and give them ad libitum. As soon, however, as a young gentle[Pg 180]man neglects all others, to devote himself to a single lady, he gives that lady reason to suppose that he is particularly attracted to her, and may give her cause to believe that she is to become engaged to him, without telling her so. A gentleman who does not contemplate matrimony should not pay too exclusive attention to any one lady.
Young people of either gender, who have reached adulthood and are not in a relationship, enjoy complete freedom in their social interactions in this country and can freely associate and socialize with members of the opposite sex. Men can invite their female friends to concerts, operas, balls, etc., visit them at home, go out for rides, and strive to be enjoyable company for any young woman who appreciates it. In fact, they can accept and extend invitations at will. However, once a young man starts to focus exclusively on one woman, he may lead her to believe that he is particularly interested in her, potentially giving her the impression that an engagement is forthcoming, even if he hasn’t explicitly stated it. A man who is not considering marriage should avoid giving too much attention to any one woman.
A young lady who is not engaged may receive calls and attentions from such unmarried gentlemen as she desires, and may accept invitations to ride, to concerts, theatres, etc. She should use due discretion, however, as to whom she favors by the acceptance of such invitations. A young lady should not allow special attention from anyone to whom she is not specially attracted, because, first, she may do injury to the gentleman in seeming to give his suit encouragement; and, secondly, she may keep away from her those whom she likes better, but who will not approach her under the mistaken idea that her feelings are already interested. A young lady should not encourage the addresses of a gentleman unless she feels that she can return his affections. It is the prerogative of a man to propose, and of a woman to accept or refuse, and a lady of tact and kind heart will exercise her prerogative before her suitor is brought to the humiliation of an offer which must result in a refusal.
A young woman who is not engaged can receive calls and attention from any unmarried men she likes and can accept invitations to go for rides, concerts, theaters, etc. However, she should be careful about whom she chooses to favor by accepting these invitations. A young woman shouldn't allow special attention from someone she's not genuinely interested in because, first, she might unintentionally encourage him; and second, she might deter those she actually likes, thinking her feelings are already committed. A young woman should only encourage a man’s advances if she believes she can return his feelings. It's a man's role to propose, and a woman's to accept or decline. A tactful and kindhearted woman will take action regarding her feelings before her suitor experiences the embarrassment of a proposal that will inevitably be turned down.
No well-bred lady will too eagerly receive the attentions of a gentleman, no matter how much she admires [Pg 181]him; nor, on the other hand, will she be so reserved as to altogether discourage him. A man may show considerable attention to a lady without becoming a lover; and so a lady may let it be seen that she is not disagreeable to him without discouraging him. She will be able to judge soon from his actions and deportment, as to his motive in paying her his attentions, and will treat him accordingly. A man does not like to be refused when he makes a proposal, and no man of tact will risk a refusal. Neither will a well-bred lady encourage a man to make a proposal, which she must refuse. She should endeavor, in discouraging him as a lover, to retain his friendship. A young man of sensibilities, who can take a hint when it is offered him, need not run the risk of a refusal.
No well-bred lady will too eagerly accept the attention of a gentleman, no matter how much she admires [Pg 181]him; nor, on the other hand, will she be so standoffish as to completely discourage him. A man can show a lot of interest in a lady without wanting to be her lover; similarly, a lady can let it be known that she doesn’t mind his attention without pushing him away. She will quickly be able to gauge his intentions based on his actions and behavior, and will respond accordingly. A man doesn’t like to be turned down when he makes a proposal, and any man with good sense won’t risk getting a no. Likewise, a well-bred lady won’t encourage a man to propose if she’s just going to refuse him. She should aim to discourage him from being a lover while still keeping his friendship. A young man with sensitivity, who understands subtle hints, won’t have to face the risk of rejection.
It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous, for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young lady on too brief an acquaintance. A lady who would accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess the discretion needed to make a good wife.
It is very unwise, not to mention presumptuous, for a guy to propose to a young woman after only a short time getting to know her. A woman who would accept a guy at first glance probably lacks the judgment necessary to be a good wife.
Perhaps there is such a thing as love at first sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation upon which to base marriage. There should be thorough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of harmony of tastes and temperaments before matrimony is ventured upon.[Pg 182]
Maybe love at first sight exists, but love by itself is an unreliable foundation for marriage. There should be a deep understanding and a clear awareness of shared tastes and personalities before taking the plunge into matrimony.[Pg 182]
It is impossible to lay down any rule as to the proper mode of courtship and proposal. In France it is the business of the parents to settle all preliminaries. In England the young man asks the consent of the parents to pay addresses to their daughter. In this country the matter is left almost entirely to the young people.
It’s impossible to establish a set way for courtship and proposals. In France, it’s the parents’ role to handle all the arrangements. In England, the young man seeks the parents’ approval before approaching their daughter. In this country, the decision is mostly left to the young people themselves.
It seems that circumstances must determine whether courtship may lead to engagement. Thus, a man may begin seriously to court a girl, but may discover before any promise binds them to each other, that they are entirely unsuited to one another, when he may, with perfect propriety and without serious injury to the lady, withdraw his attentions.
It seems that circumstances have to decide whether dating will lead to engagement. A guy might start seriously pursuing a girl, but he could find out before they make any promises to each other that they're completely incompatible. In that case, he can politely back off without any harm to the lady.
Certain authorities insist that the consent of parents must always be obtained before the daughter is asked to give herself in marriage. While there is nothing improper or wrong in such a course, still, in this country, with our social customs, it is deemed best in most cases not to be too strict in this regard. Each case has its own peculiar circumstances which must govern it, and it seems at least pardonable if the young man should prefer to know his fate directly from the lips of the most interested party, before he submits himself to the cooler judgment and the critical observation of the father and mother, who are not by any means in love with him, and who may possibly regard him with a somewhat jealous eye, as having already monopolized their daughter's affections, and now desires to take her away from them altogether.[Pg 183]
Certain authorities believe that parents' consent should always be obtained before a daughter is asked to marry. While there's nothing wrong with this approach, in this country, given our social customs, it's often seen as better not to be too strict about it. Every situation has its unique circumstances that should influence it, and it seems at least understandable if the young man prefers to hear his fate directly from the person most affected, before he faces the cooler judgment and critical scrutiny of her parents, who are not exactly in love with him and might look at him with a bit of jealousy, as he has already captured their daughter's affections and now wants to take her away from them altogether.[Pg 183]
Parents should always be perfectly familiar with the character of their daughter's associates, and they should exercise their authority so far as not to permit her to form any improper acquaintances. In regulating the social relations of their daughter, parents should bear in mind the possibility of her falling in love with any one with whom she may come in frequent contact. Therefore, if any gentleman of her acquaintance is particularly ineligible as a husband, he should be excluded as far as practicable from her society.
Parents should always be fully aware of the character of their daughter's friends, and they should use their authority to make sure she doesn't form any inappropriate relationships. When managing their daughter's social interactions, parents should consider the possibility that she could fall in love with someone she sees often. Therefore, if there's a gentleman in her circle who is clearly unsuitable as a partner, he should be kept away from her as much as possible.
Parents, especially mothers, should also watch with a jealous care the tendencies of their daughter's affections; and if they see them turning toward unworthy or undesirable objects, influence of some sort should be brought to bear to counteract this. Great delicacy and tact are required to manage matters rightly. A more suitable person may, if available, be brought forward, in the hope of attracting the young girl's attention. The objectionable traits of the undesirable suitor should be made apparent to her without the act seeming to be intentional; and if all this fails, let change of scene and surroundings by travel or visiting accomplish the desired result. The latter course will generally do it, if matters have not been allowed to progress too far and the young girl is not informed why she is temporarily banished from home.[Pg 184]
Parents, especially mothers, need to keep a close eye on their daughter's romantic interests. If they notice her feelings leaning toward someone unworthy or inappropriate, they should take some action to steer her away from that path. It requires a lot of subtlety and skill to handle these situations properly. If there’s a more suitable person available, they might be introduced with the hope of drawing the girl’s interest. The negative qualities of the unsuitable suitor should be pointed out to her without it seeming deliberate. If all else fails, changing her environment through travel or visits can often achieve the desired outcome, as long as things haven’t gone too far and the girl isn’t told the real reason for her temporary removal from home.[Pg 184]
Parents should always be able to tell from observation and instinct just how matters stand with their daughter; and if the suitor is an acceptable one and everything satisfactory, then the most scrupulous rules of etiquette will not prevent their letting the young couple alone. If the lover chooses to propose directly to the lady and consult her father afterward, consider that he has a perfect right to do so. If her parents have sanctioned his visits and attentions by a silent consent, he has a right to believe that his addresses will be favorably received by them.
Parents should always be able to tell from observation and instinct how things are going with their daughter; and if the suitor is acceptable and everything looks good, then even the strictest rules of etiquette won't stop them from leaving the young couple alone. If the lover chooses to propose directly to the lady and then speak to her father afterward, he’s completely within his rights to do so. If her parents have allowed his visits and attentions by remaining silent, he has a reason to believe that his proposals will be welcomed by them.
Respect for each other is as necessary to a happy marriage as that the husband and wife should have an affection for one another. Social equality, intellectual sympathy, and sufficient means are very important matters to be considered by those who contemplate matrimony.
Respect for each other is just as essential to a happy marriage as the affection that the husband and wife should have for one another. Social equality, shared values, and financial stability are crucial factors for those who are considering marriage.
It must be remembered that husband and wife, after marriage, have social relations to sustain, and perhaps it will be discovered, before many months of wedded life have passed, when there is a social inequality, that one of the two have made a sacrifice for which no adequate compensation has been or ever will be received. And so both lives become soured and spoiled, because neither receives nor can receive the sympathy which their efforts deserve, and because their cares are multiplied from a [Pg 185]want of congeniality. One or the other may find that the noble qualities seen by the impulse of early love, were but the creation of an infatuated fancy, existing only in the mind where it originated.
It should be noted that after marriage, husband and wife have social relationships to maintain, and it might be realized, after a few months of married life, that when there is a social imbalance, one partner may have made a sacrifice that will never receive adequate recognition or compensation. This can lead to both lives becoming bitter and unhappy, as neither partner gets the understanding their efforts deserve, and their worries increase due to a lack of compatibility. One or the other may discover that the admirable traits seen through the lens of early love were merely the product of a captivated imagination, existing only in the mind where they began.
Another condition of domestic happiness is intellectual sympathy. Man requires a woman who can make his home a place of rest for him, and woman requires a man of domestic tastes. While a woman who seeks to find happiness in a married life will never consent to be wedded to an idler or a pleasure-seeker, so a man of intelligence will wed none but a woman of intelligence and good sense. Neither beauty, physical characteristics nor other external qualifications will compensate for the absence of intellectual thought and clear and quick comprehensions. An absurd idea is held by some that intelligence and domestic virtues cannot go together; that an intellectual woman will never be content to stay at home to look after the interests of her household and children. A more unreasonable idea has never been suggested, for as the intellect is strengthened and cultured, it has a greater capacity of affection, of domesticity and of self-sacrifice for others.
Another key to happiness at home is intellectual connection. A man needs a woman who can turn their home into a place of comfort, and a woman needs a man who enjoys domestic life. A woman looking for happiness in marriage won't agree to marry someone who just lounges around or seeks pleasure, and an intelligent man will only marry a woman who is also smart and sensible. No amount of beauty, looks, or other superficial traits can make up for a lack of intellectual engagement and quick understanding. Some people mistakenly believe that intelligence and domestic qualities can't coexist, thinking that an intellectual woman won't be happy staying home to take care of her family. This idea is completely unreasonable; as intellectual abilities grow and develop, so does the capacity for affection, home life, and self-sacrifice for others.
Mutual trust and confidence are other requisites for happiness in married life. There can be no true love without trust. The responsibility of a man's life is in a woman's keeping from the moment he puts his heart into her hands. Without mutual trust there can be no real happiness.
Mutual trust and confidence are essential for happiness in married life. There’s no genuine love without trust. A man's life becomes a woman's responsibility the moment he gives her his heart. Without mutual trust, true happiness is impossible.
Another requisite for conjugal happiness is moral and religious sympathy, that each may walk side by side in [Pg 186]the same path of moral purpose and social usefulness, with joint hope of immortality.
Another essential for marital happiness is moral and spiritual compatibility, so that both partners can walk together on the same path of ethical purpose and social contribution, sharing a mutual hope for immortality.
Rules in regard to proposals of marriage cannot be laid down, for they are and should be as different as people. The best way is to apply to the lady in person, and receive the answer from her own lips. If courage should fail a man in this, he can resort to writing, by which he can clearly and boldly express his feelings. A spoken declaration should be bold, manly and earnest, and so plain in its meaning that there can be no misunderstanding. As to the exact words to be used, there can be no set formula; each proposer must be governed by his own ideas and sense of propriety in the matter.
Rules about marriage proposals can't be fixed because they should be as varied as people are. The best approach is to ask the woman directly and hear her answer from her own lips. If a man lacks the courage to do this, he can write a letter to clearly and boldly express his feelings. A spoken proposal should be confident, sincere, and straightforward, leaving no room for misinterpretation. As for the exact words to use, there's no standard formula; each person proposing should follow their own thoughts and sense of what’s appropriate.
A gentleman should evince a sincere and unselfish affection for his beloved, and he will show as well as feel that her happiness must be considered before his own. Consequently he should not press an unwelcome suit upon a young lady. If she has no affection for him, and does not conceive it possible even to entertain any, it is cruel to urge her to give her person without her love. The eager lover may believe, for the time being, that such possession would satisfy him, but the day will surely come when he will reproach his wife that she had no love for him, and he will possibly make that an excuse for all manner of unkindness.[Pg 187]
A gentleman should show genuine and selfless love for his partner, prioritizing her happiness over his own. Therefore, he shouldn’t push an unwanted romantic advance on a young woman. If she doesn’t have feelings for him and believes she never could, it’s wrong to pressure her into a relationship without love. The eager lover might think that being with her would fulfill him for now, but eventually, he’ll regret that she didn’t love him and may use that as a reason to treat her poorly.[Pg 187]
It is not always necessary to take a lady's first refusal as absolute. Diffidence or uncertainty as to her own feelings may sometimes influence a lady to reply in the negative, and after-consideration cause her to regret that reply.
It’s not always essential to take a woman’s first no as final. Hesitation or uncertainty about her own feelings might lead her to say no, and upon reflection, she might regret that decision.
Though a gentleman may repeat his suit with propriety after having been once repulsed, still it should not be repeated too often nor too long, lest it should degenerate into importuning.
Though a gentleman may properly express his interest again after being turned down, it shouldn't be done too frequently or for too long, or it might become annoying.
No lady worthy any gentleman's regard will say "no" twice to a suit which she intends ultimately to receive with favor. A lady should be allowed all the time she requires before making up her mind; and if the gentleman grows impatient at the delay, he is always at liberty to insist on an immediate answer and abide by the consequences of his impatience.
No lady deserving of a gentleman's attention will say "no" twice to a proposal that she plans to accept in the end. A lady should have all the time she needs to decide, and if the gentleman gets impatient about the wait, he can always demand an immediate answer and deal with the fallout of his impatience.
A lady who really means "no" should be able to so say it as to make her meaning unmistakable. For her own sake and that of her suitor, if she really desires the suit ended her denial should be positive, yet kind and dignified, and of a character to let no doubt remain of its being final.
A woman who truly means "no" should be able to express it clearly so that her intention is obvious. For her own well-being and that of her admirer, if she genuinely wants to end the pursuit, her refusal should be firm yet kind and dignified, leaving no doubt that it is definitive.
A man should never make a declaration in a jesting manner. It is most unfair to a lady. He has no right [Pg 188]to trifle with her feelings for mere sport, nor has he a right to hide his own meaning under the guise of a jest.
A man should never make a declaration jokingly. It’s really unfair to a woman. He has no right [Pg 188] to play with her feelings just for fun, nor does he have the right to mask his true intentions with humor.
Nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable than a doubtful answer given under the plea of sparing the suitor's feelings. It raises false hopes. It renders a man restless and unsettled. It may cause him to express himself or to shape his conduct in such a manner as he would not dream of doing were his suit utterly hopeless.
Nothing is more unfair or more unjustified than giving a vague answer just to spare the person's feelings. It creates false hopes. It makes a person restless and anxious. It might cause him to speak or act in ways he would never consider if he knew his chances were completely hopeless.
As a woman is not bound to accept the first offer that is made to her, so no sensible man will think the worse of her, nor feel himself personally injured by a refusal. That it will give him pain is most probable. A scornful "no" or a simpering promise to "think about it" is the reverse of generous.
As a woman isn't obligated to accept the first offer made to her, no reasonable man will think less of her or feel personally hurt by a rejection. It's likely that he'll feel some pain. A dismissive "no" or a coy promise to "think about it" is far from generous.
In refusing, the lady ought to convey her full sense of the high honor intended her by the gentleman, and to add, seriously but not offensively, that it is not in accordance with her inclination, or that circumstances compel her to give an unfavorable answer.
In declining, the lady should express her deep appreciation for the high honor offered to her by the gentleman, and add, sincerely but gently, that it doesn't align with her desires, or that circumstances force her to give a negative response.
It is only the contemptible flirt that keeps an honorable man in suspense for the purpose of glorifying herself by his attentions in the eyes of friends. Nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast of the offer she had received and rejected. Such an offer is a privileged [Pg 189]communication. The secret of it should be held sacred. No true lady will ever divulge to anyone, unless it may be to her mother, the fact of such an offer. It is the severest breach of honor to do so. A lady who has once been guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a second opportunity for thus boasting.
It’s only a shallow flirt that keeps a respectable man waiting to boost her own image with his attention in front of her friends. Only a superficial or unprincipled girl would brag about an offer she received and turned down. Such an offer is a privileged [Pg 189]communication. The secret of it should be kept confidential. No true lady will ever reveal to anyone, unless it’s her mother, that she received such an offer. Doing so is a serious breach of honor. A lady who has ever been guilty of bragging about an offer should never have a chance to do it again.
No true-hearted woman can entertain any other feeling than that of commiseration for the man over whose happiness she has been compelled to throw a cloud, while the idea of triumphing in his distress, or abusing his confidence, must be inexpressibly painful to her.
No genuine woman can feel anything other than compassion for the man whose happiness she has been forced to overshadow, while the thought of taking pleasure in his pain or betraying his trust must be incredibly distressing to her.
The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. Etiquette demands that he shall accept the lady's decision as final and retire from the field. He has no right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she assign it, he is bound to respect her secret, if it is one, and to hold it inviolable. To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the lady with marked attentions would be in the worst possible taste. The proper course is to withdraw as much as possible, from the circles in which she moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences which cannot be otherwise than painful.
The role of a rejected suitor is quite straightforward. Manners require that he accept the lady's choice as final and step back. He has no right to ask why she said no. If she does share her reason, he must respect her privacy, if that's what it is, and keep it confidential. Continuing to pursue her or showering her with attention would be extremely inappropriate. The right approach is to distance himself as much as possible from her social circles to spare her any painful memories.
When a couple become engaged, the gentleman presents the lady with a ring, which is worn on the ring-finger of the right hand. He may also make her other small presents from time to time, until they are married, [Pg 190]but if she has any scruples about accepting them, he can send her flowers, which are at all times acceptable.
When a couple gets engaged, the guy gives the girl a ring, which she wears on the ring finger of her right hand. He might also give her other small gifts from time to time until they tie the knot, [Pg 190] but if she's unsure about accepting them, he can always send her flowers, which are always a nice gesture.
The conduct of the fiancee should be tender, assiduous and unobtrusive. He will be kind and polite to the sisters of his betrothed and friendly with her brothers. Yet he must not be in any way unduly familiar or force himself into family confidences on the ground that he is to be regarded as a member of the family. Let the advance come rather from them to him, and let him show a due appreciation of any confidences which they may be pleased to bestow upon him. The family of the young man should make the first advances toward an acquaintance with his future wife. They should call upon her or write to her, and they may with perfect propriety invite her to visit them in order that they may become acquainted.
The behavior of the fiancee should be gentle, attentive, and respectful. He should be kind and courteous to his fiancée's sisters and friendly with her brothers. However, he shouldn't be overly familiar or try to pry into family secrets just because he’s expected to be part of the family. The initiative should come from them to him, and he should appreciate any trust they might share with him. The young man’s family should be the first to reach out and get to know his future wife. They can visit her or write to her, and it’s perfectly appropriate for them to invite her to come over so they can get acquainted.
An engaged woman should eschew all flirtations, though it does not follow that she is to cut herself off from all association with the other sex because she has chosen her future husband. She may still have friends and acquaintances, she may still receive visits and calls, but she must try to conduct herself in such a manner as to give no offense.
An engaged woman should avoid all flirtations, but that doesn't mean she has to completely shut herself off from interacting with men just because she has chosen her future husband. She can still have friends and acquaintances, and she can still accept visits and calls, but she should try to behave in a way that doesn't offend anyone.
The same rules may be laid down in regard to the other party to the contract, only that he pays visits [Pg 191]instead of receiving them. Neither should assume a masterful or jealous altitude toward the other. They are neither of them to be shut up away from the rest of the world, but must mingle in society after marriage nearly the same as before, and take the same delight in friendship. The fact that they have confessed their love for each other, ought to be deemed a sufficient guarantee of faithfulness; for the rest let there be trust and confidence.
The same rules apply to the other party in the contract, except that he visits [Pg 191] rather than receiving visitors. Neither should adopt a controlling or jealous attitude toward the other. They shouldn’t isolate themselves from the world, but should socialize after marriage much like they did before, and continue to enjoy friendships. The fact that they have expressed their love for each other should be considered a strong assurance of loyalty; beyond that, let there be trust and confidence.
A young man has no right to put a slight upon his future bride by appearing in public with other ladies while she remains neglected at home. He is in future her legitimate escort. He should attend no other lady when she needs his services; she should accept no other escort when he is at liberty to attend her. A lady should not be too demonstrative of her affection during the days of her engagement. There is always the chance of "a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip;" and over-demonstrations of love are not pleasant to be remembered by a young lady, if the man to whom they are given by any chance fails to become her husband. An honorable man will never tempt his future bride to any such demonstration. He will always maintain a respectful and decorous demeanor toward her.
A young man shouldn’t disrespect his future bride by being seen in public with other women while she’s left at home. He is her official escort from now on. He shouldn’t spend time with another woman when she needs him; similarly, she shouldn’t have another escort when he’s available. A woman shouldn’t show too much affection during her engagement. There’s always the chance of things not working out, and overly affectionate moments aren’t something a woman wants to remember if the man doesn’t end up being her husband. A respectable man will never encourage his future bride to show such affection. He will always act with respect and decorum towards her.
No young man who would shrink from being guilty of a great impropriety, should ever prolong his visits beyond ten o'clock, unless it be the common custom of the family to remain up and to entertain visitors to a [Pg 192]later hour, and the visit paid is a family one and not a tete-a-tete. Two hours is quite long enough for a call; and the young man will give evidence of his affection no less than his consideration, by making his visits short, and, if need be, making them often, rather than by prolonging to unreasonable hours.
No young man who wants to avoid doing something really inappropriate should ever stay past ten o'clock, unless it’s a normal thing for the family to be up entertaining guests late, and the visit is a family gathering, not a private one. Two hours is more than enough for a visit; the young man can show his affection and consideration by keeping his visits short and, if necessary, visiting more frequently instead of staying until the early hours.
Neither party should try to make the other jealous for the purpose of testing his or her affection. Such a course is contemptible; and if the affections of the other are permanently lost by it, the offending party is only gaining his or her just deserts. Neither should there be provocation to little quarrels for the foolish delight of reconciliation. No lover will assume a domineering attitude over his future wife. If he does so, she will do well to escape from his thrall before she becomes his wife in reality. A domineering lover will be certain to be more domineering as a husband.
Neither person should try to make the other jealous to test their feelings. That's a pretty pathetic move, and if it ends up ruining the other person's feelings for good, the one who tested them will just get what they deserve. Also, there shouldn't be any petty arguments just for the silly thrill of making up. No partner should act like they're in control over their future spouse. If they do, she should seriously consider getting out of that situation before it becomes permanent. A controlling boyfriend is only going to be more controlling as a husband.
Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engagement. Many circumstances will justify this. Indeed anything which may occur or be discovered which shall promise to render the marriage an unsuitable or unhappy one is, and should be accepted as, justification for such rupture. Still, breaking an engagement is always a serious and distressing thing, and ought not to be contemplated without absolute and just reasons. It is generally best to break an engagement by letter. By this means one [Pg 193]can express himself or herself more clearly, and give the true reason for his or her course much better than in a personal interview. The letter breaking the engagement should be accompanied by everything, in the way of portraits, letters or gifts, that has been received during the engagement. Such letters should be acknowledged in a dignified manner, and no efforts should be made or measures be taken to change the decision of the writer, unless it is manifest that he or she is greatly mistaken in his or her premises. A similar return of letters, portraits and gifts should be made.
Sometimes it’s necessary to end an engagement. Many situations can justify this. In fact, anything that happens or is discovered that suggests the marriage would be unsuitable or unhappy should be considered a valid reason for the breakup. Still, ending an engagement is always a serious and upsetting matter, and it shouldn’t be considered without strong and valid reasons. It’s usually best to break an engagement through a letter. This way, one can express themselves more clearly and explain the real reason for their decision better than in a face-to-face conversation. The letter ending the engagement should include everything received during the engagement, such as photos, letters, or gifts. These items should be returned in a respectful manner, and no attempts should be made to change the writer's mind unless it’s clear that they are significantly mistaken in their reasoning. A similar return of letters, photos, and gifts should take place.
Many men, in taking retrospective glances, remember how they were devoted to women, the memory of whom calls up only a vague sort of wonder how they ever could have fallen into the state of infatuation in which they once were. The same may be said of many women. Heart-breaking separations have taken place between young men and young women who have learned that the sting of parting does not last forever. The heart, lacerated by a hopeless or misplaced attachment, when severed from the cause of its woe, gradually heals and prepares itself to receive fresh wounds, for affection requires either a constant contemplation of, or intercourse, with its object, to keep it alive.
Many men, looking back, remember how devoted they were to women, and the memory of those women makes them wonder how they ever got so infatuated. The same goes for many women. Heartbreaking separations have happened between young men and women who have figured out that the pain of parting doesn’t last forever. The heart, wounded by a hopeless or misplaced attachment, when freed from its source of pain, gradually heals and gets ready to take on new hurts, because love needs either regular thoughts about or interactions with its object to stay alive.

CHAPTER XVII.
Etiquette of Weddings.

HE circumstances under which weddings take place are so varied, and the religious forms observed in their solemnization so numerous, that to lay down rules applicable to all cases would be a matter of great difficulty, if not an impossibility. Consequently only those forms of marriage attended with the fullest ceremonies, and all the attendant ceremonials will here be given, and others may be modeled after them as the occasion may seem to require. After the marriage invitations are issued, the fiancee does not appear in public. It is also de rigueur at morning weddings, that she does not see the bridegroom on the wedding-day, until they meet at the altar.
Only relatives and the most intimate friends are asked to be bridemaids—the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom, where it is possible. The bridegroom [Pg 195]chooses his best man and the groomsmen and ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age, and from the relatives of his fiancee of a suitable age. The dresses of the bridemaids are not given unless their circumstances are such as to make it necessary.
Only family members and the closest friends are asked to be bridesmaids—the sisters of the bride and groom, when possible. The groom [Pg 195] chooses his best man and groomsmen from his own friends and family of similar age, as well as from the suitable-aged relatives of his fiancée. Bridesmaids usually don't get their dresses provided unless their situation makes it necessary.
The most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk, high corsage, a long wide veil of white tulle, reaching to the feet, and a wreath of maiden-blush roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can continue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the ceremony.
The most popular wedding outfit for young brides is made of white silk, featuring a high neckline, a long wide veil of white tulle that reaches the floor, and a crown of pale pink roses with orange blossoms. She can keep wearing the roses, but the orange blossoms are only appropriate for the ceremony.
The bridegroom and ushers, at a morning wedding, wear full morning dress, dark blue or black frock coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and light trousers. The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear gloves of some delicate color.
The groom and groomsmen at a morning wedding wear formal morning attire, either dark blue or black frock coats or cutaway jackets, with light-colored neckties and light-colored trousers. The groom wears white gloves, while the groomsmen wear gloves in a softer color.
Where the bride makes presents to the bridemaids on her wedding-day, they generally consist of some articles of jewelry, not costly, and given more as a memento of the occasion than for their own intrinsic worth. The bridegroom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin of some quaint device, or some other slight memento of the day, as a slight acknowledgment of their services.[Pg 196]
Where the bride gives gifts to the bridesmaids on her wedding day, they usually include some pieces of inexpensive jewelry, given more as a keepsake of the event than for their actual value. The groom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin with a unique design or another small token from the day as a simple thank you for their support.[Pg 196]
When there are no bridemaids or ushers the marriage ceremonials at the church are as follows: The members of the bride's family proceed to the church before the bride, who follows with her mother. The bridegroom awaits them at the church and gives his arm to the bride's mother. They walk up the aisle to the altar, the mother falling back to her position on the left. The father, or relative representing him, conducts the bride to the bridegroom, who stands at the altar with his face turned toward her as she approaches, and the father falls back to the left. The relatives follow, taking their places standing; those of the bride to the left, those of the groom to the right. After kneeling at the altar for a moment, the bride, standing on the left of the bridegroom, takes the glove off from her left hand, while he takes the glove off from his right hand. The service then begins. The father of the bride gives her away by bowing when the question is asked, which is a much simpler form than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman. Perfect self-control should be exhibited by all parties during the ceremony.
When there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen, the wedding ceremony at the church goes like this: The bride's family arrives at the church before the bride, who comes in with her mother. The groom waits for them at the church and offers his arm to the bride's mother. They walk up the aisle to the altar, with the mother stepping back to her spot on the left. The father, or another relative representing him, leads the bride to the groom, who stands at the altar facing her as she approaches, and then the father also steps back to the left. The relatives follow, taking their places standing; the bride's family on the left and the groom's family on the right. After kneeling at the altar for a moment, the bride, standing on the left of the groom, removes the glove from her left hand while he takes off the glove from his right hand. The service then begins. The father of the bride gives her away by bowing when the question is asked, which is a much simpler way than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the clergyman. Everyone involved should show perfect self-control during the ceremony.
The bride leaves the altar, taking the bridegroom's right arm, and they pass down the aisle without looking to the right or left. It is considered very bad form to recognize acquaintances by bows and smiles while in the church.[Pg 197]
The bride leaves the altar, taking the groom's right arm, and they walk down the aisle without looking to the right or left. It's seen as very inappropriate to acknowledge acquaintances with bows and smiles while in the church.[Pg 197]
The bride and bridegroom drive away in their own carriage, the rest following in their carriages.
The bride and groom drive off in their own carriage, with everyone else following in their carriages.
When the circle of friends on both sides is very extensive, it has become customary of late to send invitations to such as are not called to the wedding breakfast, to attend the ceremony at church. This stands in the place of issuing cards. No one must think of calling on the newly married couple who has not received an invitation to the ceremony at church, or cards after their establishment in their new home.
When the circle of friends on both sides is very large, it's now common to send invitations to those who aren't invited to the wedding breakfast, inviting them to the ceremony at the church instead. This replaces sending out formal cards. No one should consider visiting the newly married couple unless they've received an invitation to the church ceremony or cards after they've settled into their new home.
The latest New York form for conducting the marriage ceremony is substantially as follows:
The latest New York form for performing the marriage ceremony is basically as follows:
When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in pairs march slowly up to the altar and turn to the right. Behind them follows the groom alone. When he reaches the altar he turns, faces the aisle, and watches intently for the coming of his bride. After a slight interval the bridemaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to the left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone and entirely veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows her companions. The groom comes forward a few steps to meet her, takes her hand, and places her at the altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devotion. The parents of the bride, having followed her, stand just behind her and partly to the [Pg 198]left. The services by the clergyman now proceed as usual.
When the bridal party is ready to enter, the ushers march slowly up to the altar in pairs and turn to the right. The groom follows them alone. When he gets to the altar, he turns, faces the aisle, and watches intently for his bride's arrival. After a moment, the bridesmaids follow in pairs and turn to the left at the altar. After another brief moment, the bride, alone and fully veiled with her eyes downcast, follows her friends. The groom steps forward a few paces to meet her, takes her hand, and guides her to the altar. Both kneel for a moment of silent prayer. The bride's parents, who follow her, stand just behind her and slightly to the [Pg 198]left. The clergyman then begins the ceremony as usual.
While the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church, the bridemaids follow slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the reception room, half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his—the first bridemaid retaining the place of honor.
While the bride and groom are exiting the church, the bridesmaids follow slowly, each linked with an usher, and then they quickly hurry to greet the bride at her home, arranging themselves around the bride and groom in the reception room, with half of the ladies on her side and half on his—the first bridesmaid holding the place of honor.
The ushers at the door of the reception room offer themselves as escorts to parties, who arrive slowly from the church, conducting them to the bridal party, and there presenting them by name. This announcement becomes necessary when two families and two sets of friends are brought together for the first time. If ladies are present without gentlemen, the ushers accompany them to the breakfast or refreshment room, or provide them with attendants.
The ushers at the entrance to the reception room act as guides for guests arriving from the church, leading them to the bridal party and introducing them by name. This introduction is needed when two families and their friends meet for the first time. If there are women without men, the ushers take them to the breakfast or refreshment area or arrange for attendants to assist them.
At the church the ushers are the first to arrive. They stand by the inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies, as they enter, to their proper seats in the church. If a lady be accompanied by a gentleman, the latter follows the usher and the lady to the seat shown her. The ushers, knowing the two families, understand where to place the nearer, and where the remoter relatives and friends of the bridal party, the groom's friends being arranged upon the right of the entrance, and the bride's upon the left. The distribu[Pg 199]tion of guests places the father (or guardian) of the bride at the proper place during the ceremony.
At the church, the ushers are the first ones to arrive. They stand by the inner entrance and extend their arms to escort the ladies as they arrive, directing them to their assigned seats. If a lady is with a gentleman, he follows the usher and the lady to the designated seat. The ushers, familiar with both families, know where to seat the closer and more distant relatives and friends of the bridal party, with the groom's friends on the right side of the entrance and the bride's on the left. The arrangement of guests ensures the father (or guardian) of the bride is seated in the appropriate spot during the ceremony.
The ceremonials for the entry to the church by the bridal party may be varied to suit the taste. Precedents for the style already described are found among the highest social circles in New York and other large cities, but there are brides who prefer the fashion of their grandmothers, which is almost strictly an American fashion. In this style, the bridemaids, each leaning upon the arm of a groomsman, first pass up the aisle to the altar, the ladies going to their left, and the gentlemen to their right. The groom follows with the bride's mother, or some one to represent her, leaning on his arm, whom he seats in a front pew at the left. The bride follows, clinging to the arm of her father (or near relative), who leads her to the groom. The father waits at her left and a step or two back of her, until asked to give her away, which he does by taking her right hand and placing it in that of the clergyman. After this he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew, and becomes her escort while they pass out of the church.
The ceremony for the bridal party’s entrance to the church can be adapted to fit personal preferences. Examples of the previously mentioned style can be seen in high-society circles in New York and other major cities, but some brides prefer the style of their grandmothers, which is mainly an American tradition. In this format, the bridesmaids, each linked to a groomsman, enter the aisle toward the altar, with the ladies going to the left and the gentlemen to the right. The groom follows, accompanied by the bride’s mother, or someone representing her, whom he helps to a front pew on the left. The bride comes next, holding onto her father (or a close relative), who brings her to the groom. The father stands to her left and a couple of steps behind her until he is asked to give her away, which he does by placing her right hand in the hand of the clergyman. After this, he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew and becomes her escort as they exit the church.
In case there are no bridemaids, the ushers walk into church in pairs, just in advance of the groom, and parting at the altar, half of them stand at one side and half at the other. While the clergyman is congratulating the bride, they pass out in pairs, a little in advance of the wedded couple.[Pg 200]
If there are no bridesmaids, the ushers enter the church in pairs, just before the groom, and split at the altar, with half standing on one side and the other half on the opposite side. While the minister is congratulating the bride, they exit in pairs, slightly ahead of the married couple.[Pg 200]
Weddings at home vary but little from those at church. The music, the assembling of friends, the entree of the bridal party to the position selected, are the same. An altar of flowers, and a place of kneeling can be easily arranged at home. The space behind the altar need be no wider than is allowed for the clergyman to stand. The altar is generally only a fender or railing entirely wound and concealed by greenery or blossoms. Other floral accessories, such as the marriage-bell, horseshoe, or white dove, etc., can be arranged with ease by a skillful florist, if desired.
Weddings at home are pretty similar to those at a church. The music, gathering of friends, and the entrance of the bridal party to their designated spot are all the same. An altar made of flowers and a place to kneel can easily be set up at home. The area behind the altar doesn’t need to be wider than what’s needed for the officiant to stand. The altar is usually just a fender or railing that’s completely covered and hidden by greenery or blooms. Other floral decorations, like the marriage bell, horseshoe, or white dove, can be arranged easily by a skilled florist if desired.
When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places and face their friends, who proceed to congratulate them. If space be required, the kneeling stool and floral altar may be removed, a little later, without observation.
When the wedding ceremony is over, the couple turns to face their friends, who then congratulate them. If space is needed, the kneeling stool and floral altar can be discreetly removed a little later.
If the wedding occur in the evening, the only difference in the ceremonials from those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen wear full evening dress, and the bridal pair retire quietly to dress for their journey before the dancing party disperses, and thus leave unobserved. At the morning wedding only bridemaids, ushers and relatives remain to witness the departure of the pair.
If the wedding takes place in the evening, the only difference in the ceremonies compared to those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen wear full evening attire, and the couple discreetly leaves to get ready for their trip before the dance party breaks up, so they leave unnoticed. At a morning wedding, only the bridesmaids, ushers, and family members are there to see the couple off.
When the newly married couple commence life in a home of their own, it is customary to issue "at home"[Pg 201] cards for a few evenings, at an early date after the wedding, for informal receptions. Only such persons are invited as the young couple choose to keep as friends, or perhaps only those whom they can afford to retain. This is a suitable opportunity to carefully re-arrange one's social list, and their list of old acquaintances may be sifted at the time of the beginning of housekeeping. This custom of arranging a fresh list is admitted as a social necessity, and nobody is offended.
When the newlyweds start their life in their own home, it’s common to send out "at home" [Pg 201] cards for a few evenings shortly after the wedding for informal gatherings. They only invite people they want to keep as friends, or maybe just those they can afford to host. This is a good chance to carefully update their social circle, and they can reevaluate their old acquaintances when they begin to settle into their new home. This practice of creating a fresh list is understood as a social necessity, and no one takes offense.
All guests and friends who receive "at home" invitations, or who are invited to the church, are required by etiquette to call upon the family of the bride, or to leave their cards, within ten days after the wedding.
All guests and friends who get "at home" invitations or who are invited to the church are expected by etiquette to visit the bride's family or leave their cards within ten days after the wedding.
All churches at present use the ring, and vary the sentiment of its adoption to suit the customs and ideas of their own rites. A jeweled ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at present a plain gold circlet, with the date of the engagement inscribed within, is generally preferred. The ring is removed by the groom at the altar, passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled ring is placed upon her hand by the groom on the way home from the church, or as soon after the service as is convenient. It stands guard over its precious fellow, and is a confirmation of the first promise.[Pg 202]
All churches today use the ring, adapting its significance to fit their own traditions and beliefs. A jeweled ring has long been a sign of engagement, but nowadays, many prefer a simple gold band with the engagement date etched inside. The groom takes off the ring at the altar, hands it to the officiant, and it's used during the ceremony. A jeweled ring is then placed on her finger by the groom on the way home from the church, or as soon as it's convenient after the service. It protects its precious counterpart and reaffirms the initial promise.[Pg 202]
The marriage ceremonials of a widow differ from that of a young lady in not wearing the veil and orange blossoms. She may be costumed in white and have her maids at the altar if she pleases. This liberty, however, has only been given her within a few years. On her wedding cards of invitation, her maiden name is used as a part of her proper name; which is done in respect to her parents. Having dropped the initials of her dead husband's name when she laid aside her mourning, she uses her Christian name. If she has sons or unmarried daughters at the time she becomes again a wife, she may prefix the last name of her children to her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they are interested in common with herself. This respect is really due them, and etiquette permits it, although our social usages do not command its adoption. The formalities which follow the marriage of a widow can seldom be regulated in the same manner as those of a younger bride. No fixed forms can be arranged for entertainments, which must be controlled by circumstances.
The wedding ceremonies for a widow are different from those of a young woman in that she doesn't wear a veil or orange blossoms. She can wear a white dress and have her bridesmaids at the altar if she wants. However, this freedom has only been allowed in recent years. On her wedding invitation cards, she uses her maiden name as part of her full name, out of respect for her parents. After she finishes mourning, she drops her deceased husband's initials and uses her first name. If she has sons or unmarried daughters when she remarries, she can add her children's last name to her new one for all formal occasions they share. This is a sign of respect towards them, and etiquette allows it, even though our social customs don’t require it. The formalities that follow a widow's marriage can rarely be handled in the same way as those for a younger bride. There are no set rules for celebrations, which must be shaped by the situation.
Wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script. Neither Old English nor German text are admissible in invitations. The following is given as the latest form for invitations:[Pg 203]
Wedding invitations should be beautifully printed in a stylish script. Old English and German text aren’t allowed on invitations. Here is the most current format for invitations:[Pg 203]

This invitation requires no answer. Friends living in other towns and cities receiving it, inclose their cards, and send by mail. Residents call on the family within the prescribed time, or as soon after as possible.
This invitation doesn't need a response. Friends from other towns and cities include their cards and send them by mail. Locals visit the family within the specified time, or as soon as they can after that.
The invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same envelope, generally conveyed on a square card, the same size as the sheet of note paper which bears the invitation for the ceremony after it has been [Pg 204]once folded across the middle. The following is one of the adopted forms:
The invitation to the wedding breakfast is included in the same envelope, typically printed on a square card, the same size as the piece of note paper that has the invitation for the ceremony after it has been [Pg 204]folded in half. Here’s one of the common formats:

The separate cards of the bride and groom are no longer necessary.
The separate cards for the bride and groom are no longer needed.
The card of admission to the church is narrower, and is plainly engraved in large script, as follows:
The admission card to the church is narrower and is simply engraved in large letters, as follows:

Generally only half an hour intervenes between the ceremony and the reception.
Generally, there's only half an hour between the ceremony and the reception.
People who receive "At Home" wedding invitations, are expected to acknowledge them as soon as received, and never fail to accept, unless for some very good reason. Guests invited to the house, or to a marriage feast following the ceremony, should not feel at liberty to decline from any whim or caprice.[Pg 205]
People who get "At Home" wedding invitations are expected to respond as soon as they receive them and should accept, unless there's a really good reason not to. Guests invited to the house or to a wedding reception after the ceremony shouldn't feel free to decline just because of a passing fancy.[Pg 205]
Bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but illness or some unavoidable accident to prevent them from officiating, thus showing their appreciation of the friendship which has caused their selection to this honored position. If by reason of sudden affliction, some one of the bridemaids or ushers is prevented from attending, a substitute should, if possible, be provided immediately. The reasons for this, however, should be well understood, that no opportunity may be given for uncharitable comments.
Bridesmaids and ushers should let nothing but illness or an unavoidable accident stop them from participating, showing their appreciation for the friendship that led to their selection for this important role. If a bridesmaid or usher can't make it due to a sudden issue, a replacement should be arranged as soon as possible. The reasons for this should be clearly understood to avoid any unkind comments.
When bridal presents are given, they are sent to the bride previous to the day of the marriage ceremony. As the universal bridal present has fallen into disuse, this custom is not now considered obligatory, and if immediate friends and relatives desire to make presents, it should be spontaneous, and in no sense considered obligatory. These presents are not put on exhibition as formerly, but are acknowledged by the bride in a private note to the donor. It is not now considered in good form to talk about these contributions.
When wedding gifts are given, they are sent to the bride before the wedding day. Since the traditional wedding gift has become less common, this practice is no longer deemed mandatory. If close friends and family want to give gifts, it should be spontaneous and not seen as a requirement. These gifts are not displayed like they used to be; instead, the bride acknowledges them with a personal note to the giver. It's also not considered appropriate to discuss these gifts anymore.
In weddings at churches a master of ceremonies is often provided, who is expected to be at the church as soon as the doors are opened. He arranges beforehand for the spreading of a carpet from the church door to the pavement, and if the weather be inclement, he sees [Pg 206]that an awning is also spread. He also sees that a white ribbon is stretched across the main aisle of the church, far enough back from the altar to afford sufficient room for all invited guests to occupy the front pews of the main aisle. Sometimes an arch of flowers extends over the aisle, so as to divide those who come in wedding garments, from those who do not. The organist should be early at his post, and is expected to play during the arrival of guests. The order of the religious part of the marriage ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs.
At church weddings, there’s usually a master of ceremonies who is expected to arrive as soon as the doors open. They arrange for a carpet to be laid from the church door to the pavement, and if the weather is bad, they make sure [Pg 206] an awning is set up as well. They also ensure that a white ribbon is stretched across the main aisle of the church, far enough back from the altar to give all guests enough space to sit in the front pews. Sometimes, an arch of flowers is placed over the aisle to separate those in wedding attire from those who aren’t. The organist should arrive early and is expected to play as guests arrive. The order of the religious part of the wedding ceremony is determined by the church where it takes place.
There is no prescribed fee for performing the marriage ceremony. It is regulated according to the means and liberality of the bridegroom, but no less amount than five dollars should be given under any circumstances.
There isn't a set fee for conducting the marriage ceremony. The amount is determined by the financial situation and generosity of the groom, but a minimum of five dollars should be given in any case.
At wedding receptions, friends who congratulate the newly married couple should address the bride first, if they have any previous acquaintance with her, then the bridegroom, then the bridemaids, and after that the parents and family of the bride and groom. They should give their good wishes to the bride and congratulate the bridegroom. If they are acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the bride, let them address him first and he will introduce them to his bride.[Pg 207]
At wedding receptions, friends who want to congratulate the newlyweds should start by addressing the bride, especially if they know her, then the groom, followed by the bridesmaids, and then the parents and family of both the bride and groom. They should offer their best wishes to the bride and congratulate the groom. If they know the groom but not the bride, they can greet him first, and he will introduce them to his bride.[Pg 207]
The honeymoon of repose, exempt from all claims of society, is now prescribed by the dictates of common sense and fashion, and the same arbiters unite in condemning the harrassing bridal tour. It is no longer de rigueur to maintain any secrecy as to their plans for traveling, when a newly married couple depart upon a tour.
The restful honeymoon, free from society's demands, is now determined by common sense and trends, and the same authorities agree that the stressful bridal trip is outdated. It’s no longer necessary to keep their travel plans a secret when a newly married couple goes on a trip.

CHAPTER XVIII.
Home Life and Etiquette.

LOL is the woman's kingdom, and there she reigns supreme. To embellish that home, to make happy the lives of her husband and the dear ones committed to her trust, is the honored task which it is the wife's province to perform. All praise be to her who so rules and governs in that kingdom, that those reared beneath her roof "shall rise up and call her blessed."
After marriage one of the first requirements for happiness is a home. This can seldom be found in a boarding house or at a hotel, and not always beneath the parental roof of either husband or wife. It will oftenest be found in a house or even a cottage apart from the immediate association of relatives or friends, acquaintances or strangers, and here husband and wife may begin in reality, that new life of which they have had fond dreams; and upon their own actions must depend their future welfare.[Pg 209]
After getting married, one of the first things needed for happiness is a home. This is rarely found in a boarding house or hotel, and not always under the roof of either spouse's parents. It’s usually found in a house or even a cottage away from the constant presence of relatives, friends, acquaintances, or strangers. In this space, the couple can truly start the new life they have dreamed of, and their future happiness will depend on their own choices and actions.[Pg 209]

Husband and wife should remember, when starting out upon their newly wedded life, that they are to be life companions, that the affection they have possessed and expressed as lovers must ripen into a life-long devotion to one another's welfare and happiness, that the closest friendship must be begotten from their early love, and that each must live and work for the other. They must seek to be congenial companions to each other, so that every hour they pass together will be mutually enjoyable. They should aim to have the same tastes so that what one enjoys will be alike enjoyable to the other, and what is distasteful to one shall be no less so to the other. Each should yield in matters where it is right to yield, and be firm only where duty is concerned. With a firm trust in one another they should [Pg 210]ever abide, that each may say to the world, "I possess one on whose character and heart I can lean as upon a rock."
Husband and wife should remember, as they begin their new life together, that they are to be lifelong partners. The love they shared as a couple should grow into a lasting commitment to each other's well-being and happiness. Their close friendship should emerge from their early affection, and they should each live and work for the other’s benefit. They need to strive to be compatible companions so that every moment spent together is enjoyable for both. They should aim to have similar interests so that what one enjoys will also bring joy to the other, and what one finds unpleasant will be equally off-putting to the other. Each should make compromises where appropriate and be resolute only in matters of duty. With deep trust in each other, they should [Pg 210] always stand firm, so that each can confidently say to the world, "I have someone I can rely on, whose character and heart are as solid as a rock."
Let neither ever deceive the other, or do anything to shake the other's confidence, for once deceived, the heart can never wholly trust again. Fault-finding should only be done by gentle and mild criticism, and then with loving words and pleasant looks. Make allowances for one another's weaknesses, and at the same time endeavor to mutually repress them. For the sake of mutual improvement the husband and wife should receive and give corrections to one another in a spirit of kindness, and in doing so they will prepare themselves for the work God gives the parents of training lives for usefulness here and hereafter. Their motto should be "faithful unto death in all things," and they must exercise forbearance with each other's peculiarities.
Let neither person ever deceive the other or do anything to undermine each other's trust, because once trust is broken, the heart can never fully trust again. Criticism should be gentle and mild, accompanied by loving words and warm expressions. Make allowances for each other's weaknesses while also working together to manage them. For the sake of mutual growth, spouses should accept and offer corrections to one another with kindness, preparing themselves for the responsibility God gives parents in raising lives for usefulness in this world and the next. Their motto should be "faithful unto death in all things," and they must show patience with each other's quirks.
Let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues, that neither may utter anything rude, contemptuous or severe, and guard their tempers, that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one another's presence. They should not expect too much from each other; if either offends, it is the part of the other to forgive, remembering that no one is free from faults, and that we are all constantly erring.
Let both maintain a careful control over their words, so that neither says anything rude, disrespectful, or harsh, and keep their tempers in check, so that neither becomes angry or gloomy in each other's presence. They shouldn't put too much pressure on each other; if one hurts the other, it's the responsibility of the other to forgive, remembering that no one is without flaws and that we all make mistakes.
If, perchance, after they have entered upon the stern realities of life, they find, that they have made a mistake, that they are not well mated, then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end, "for better or for [Pg 211]worse;" for only in this way can they find consolation for having found out, when too late, that they were unfitted for a life-long companionship. A journalist has said: "No lessons learned by experience, however sharply taught and sadly earned, can enlighten the numbed senses which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination; and things as plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night, unfathomable as the sea, to those who let themselves love before they prove."
If, perhaps, after they’ve faced the harsh realities of life, they realize they've made a mistake and aren’t really suited for each other, then they have to accept the inevitable and endure until the end, "for better or for [Pg 211]worse;" because only then can they find some comfort in discovering too late that they weren’t cut out for a lifelong partnership. A journalist once said: "No lessons learned through experience, no matter how painfully taught, can awaken the dulled senses that love has enchanted into a slumber; and things as clear as the sun in the sky to others seem as dark as night and as deep as the ocean to those who let themselves love before they know."
The wife should remember that upon her, to the greatest extent, devolves the duty of making home happy. She should do nothing to make her husband feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically, but on the other hand she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best calculated to please him, continually showing him that her love, plighted upon the altar, remains steadfast, and that no vicissitudes of fortune can change or diminish it.
The wife should remember that it is mostly her responsibility to make the home a happy place. She shouldn’t do anything that makes her husband feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically. At the same time, she should do everything she can to please him, constantly showing him that her love, pledged at the altar, remains strong and that no ups and downs in life can change or lessen it.
She should never indulge in fits of temper, hysterics, or other habits of ill-breeding, which, though easy to conquer at first, grow and strengthen with indulgence, if she would retain her husband as her lover and her dearest and nearest friend. She should be equally as neat and tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she appears in society, and her manners towards her husband should be as kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company. She should bear in mind that to retain the good opinion [Pg 212]of her husband is worth far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of society, and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her husband, so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends.
She should never give in to outbursts of anger, hysteria, or other rude behaviors, which, although easy to overcome at first, will grow and strengthen with indulgence if she wants to keep her husband as her lover and her closest friend. She should be just as neat and tidy with her dress and personal appearance at home as she is when she’s out in public, and her demeanor towards her husband should be just as kind and pleasant when they are alone as when they are with others. She should remember that keeping her husband’s good opinion is far more valuable than winning the approval of hundreds of social followers, and that as she nurtures her husband’s love and trust, she will earn the respect and esteem of all his friends.
She should be careful not to confide to another any small misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband, should any occur. This is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony that may occur between husband and wife, for the more such misunderstandings are talked about, and the more advice she receives from her confidants, there is less probability that harmonious relations will be speedily resumed.
She should be careful not to share any minor misunderstandings or petty arguments with anyone else, should they happen. This is the quickest way to deepen any rift in harmony between her and her husband, because the more these misunderstandings are discussed, and the more advice she gets from her friends, the less likely it is that they will quickly restore their harmonious relationship.
A wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters, keeping an exact account of her expenditures, and carefully guarding against any extravagances; and while her husband is industriously at work, she should seek to encourage him, by her own frugality, to be economical, thrifty, enterprising and prosperous in his business, that he may be better enabled, as years go by and family cares press more heavily on each, to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the luxuries of a happy home. No condition is hopeless when the wife possesses firmness, decision and economy, and no outward prosperity can counteract indolence, folly and extravagance at home. She should consult the disposition and tastes of her husband, and endeavor to lead him to high and noble thoughts, lofty aims, and tem[Pg 213]poral comfort; be ever ready to welcome him home, and in his companionship draw his thoughts from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and happiness. The influence of a good wife over her husband may be very great, if she exerts it in the right direction. She should, above all things, study to learn the disposition of her husband, and if, perchance, she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent temper, the utmost discretion, as well as perfect equanimity on her own part is required, for she should have such perfect control over herself as to calm his perturbed spirits.
A wife should be open and honorable about finances, keeping a precise record of her spending and being careful to avoid any extravagance. While her husband works hard, she should encourage him through her own frugality, inspiring him to be economical, resourceful, and successful in his business, so that as time passes and family responsibilities grow heavier, they can enjoy both comforts and maybe some luxuries of a happy home. No situation is beyond hope when the wife has strength, decisiveness, and economic sense, and no external success can overcome laziness, foolishness, and extravagance at home. She should consider her husband’s character and preferences, and strive to guide him towards high ideals and comfort; always ready to welcome him home and draw him away from work to enjoy the comforts and happiness of home life. A good wife can have a significant influence on her husband if she uses it positively. Above all, she should understand her husband's temperament, and if she happens to be with a man who has a quick and fiery temper, she needs to exercise utmost discretion and maintain her own calm so she can soothe his troubled spirit.
It must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make married life and home happy. She must be seconded in her noble efforts by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends, to be his companion through life's pilgrimage. He has placed her in a new home, provided with such comforts as his means permit, and the whole current of both their lives have been changed. His constant duty to his wife is to be ever kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself, even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness. From his affection for her, there should grow out a friendship and fellowship, such as is possessed for no other person. His evenings and spare moments should be devoted to her, and these should be used for their intellectual, moral and social advancement.
It shouldn't be assumed that it's solely the wife's responsibility to make married life and home happy. She needs support from the person who took her from her family's home and close friends to be his partner throughout life's journey. He has placed her in a new home, equipped with whatever comforts he can provide, and the entire flow of their lives has changed. His ongoing duty to his wife is to always be kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself, even putting aside his own comfort for her happiness. From his love for her, a unique friendship and bond should grow that he shares with no one else. He should dedicate his evenings and free time to her, using that time for their intellectual, moral, and social growth.
The cares and anxieties of business should not exclude [Pg 214]the attentions due to wife and family, while he should carefully keep her informed of the condition of his business affairs. Many a wife is capable of giving her husband important advice about various details of his business, and if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs, she will be able to govern her expenditures accordingly.
The worries and stresses of work shouldn't take away from the attention he owes to his wife and family, and he should make sure to keep her in the loop about how things are going with his business. Many wives can provide valuable advice on different aspects of their husband's work, and if she is aware of their financial situation, she will be able to manage her spending wisely.
It is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to instruct her children, to defer all matters pertaining to their discipline to her, aiding her in this respect as she requires it. In household matters the wife rules predominant, and he should never interfere with her authority and government in this sphere. It is his duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church, to social gatherings, to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both mutually enjoy and appreciate. In fact he ought not to attend a social gathering unless accompanied by his wife, nor go to an evening entertainment without her. If it is not a fit place for his wife to attend, neither is it fit for him.
It’s the husband’s responsibility to support his wife in all her efforts to educate their children and to rely on her judgment regarding their discipline, helping her whenever she needs it. In household matters, the wife takes the lead, and he should never undermine her authority in this area. It’s his duty—and should be his joy—to go with her to church, social events, lectures, and any places they both enjoy. In fact, he shouldn’t go to a social event without her, nor should he attend an evening activity alone. If it’s not a suitable place for his wife to be, then it’s not suitable for him either.
While he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her faithfulness, trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all places, he should, on his part, remain faithful and constant to her, and give her no cause of complaint. He should pass by unnoticed any disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes, taking care at the proper time, and without giving offense, to remind her of them, with the idea of having her correct them. He should never seek to break her of any disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess, by ridiculing them. He [Pg 215]should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the welfare of her household, or in laudable endeavors to promote the happiness of others, by engaging in such works of benevolence and charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform.
While he should fully trust his wife’s faithfulness and rely on her honor at all times and in every situation, he should also remain loyal and consistent with her, giving her no reason to complain. He should overlook any annoying habits or mistakes she has, taking care to bring them up at the right time, without being offensive, so she can correct them. He should never try to ridiculed her for any bad habits or quirks. He [Pg 215]should support her in all her plans to improve their household or in any worthy efforts to make others happy, by participating in acts of kindness and charity that her responsibilities at home allow her to do.
The husband, in fact, should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect gentleman, regarding her as the "best lady in the land," to whom, above all other earthly beings, he owes paramount allegiance. If he so endeavors to act, his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the many little courtesies which are due her, and which every good wife cannot fail to appreciate. The observance of the rules of politeness are nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle, between husband and wife, parents and children.
The husband should treat his wife like a true gentleman, considering her the "best lady in the land," to whom he owes his utmost loyalty above everyone else. If he makes this effort, his common sense and judgment will guide him to show her the many small acts of kindness that every good wife will value. Following the rules of politeness is especially important in the home, between husband and wife, and among parents and children.

CHAPTER XIX.
Home Training.

UR earliest and best recollections are associated with home. There the first lessons of infancy are learned. The mother's heart is the child's first school-room. The parents' examples are first imitated by the child, whose earliest impressions are gained from them. In no way are evil habits more effectually propagated than by example, and therefore parents should be what they wish their children to be.
To the mother belongs the privilege of planting in the hearts of her children those seeds of love, which, nurtured and fostered, will bear the fruit of earnest and useful lives. It is she who must fit them to meet the duties and emergencies of life, and in this work of training she keeps her heart fresh and young, and thereby insures the growth of those powers with which nature has endowed her.[Pg 217]
To a mother goes the honor of planting the seeds of love in her children's hearts, which, when nurtured and cared for, will grow into fulfilling and productive lives. It's her responsibility to prepare them for the challenges and responsibilities of life, and through this training, she keeps her heart vibrant and youthful, ensuring the development of the abilities that nature has given her.[Pg 217]
As the faculties of man, woman or child are brought into active exercise, so do they become strengthened, and the mother, in doing her work in the training of her children, grows in wisdom, in knowledge and in power, thus enabling her the better to perform her duties.
As people—whether man, woman, or child—engage their abilities, they grow stronger, and the mother, as she trains her children, gains wisdom, knowledge, and strength, enabling her to better fulfill her responsibilities.
As children first acquire knowledge and habits from the examples of their parents, the latter should be circumspect in all their actions, manners and modes of speech. If you wish your children's faces illumined with good humor, contentment and satisfaction, so that they will be cheerful, joyous and happy, day by day, then must your own countenance appear illumined by the sunshine of love. Kind words, kind deeds and loving looks are true works of charity, and they are needed in our home circle.
As children learn from the examples set by their parents, parents should be careful in how they act, speak, and carry themselves. If you want your children to have bright faces filled with good humor, contentment, and satisfaction—so they’re cheerful, joyful, and happy every day—you need to show that same love and warmth in your own expressions. Kind words, kind actions, and loving looks are genuine acts of kindness, and they are essential in our family environment.
Never a tear bedims the eye, |
Time and patience cannot fade. |
Never a lip is curved with pain, |
That can't be kissed back into smiles. |
Your children will form habits of evil speaking if they hear you deal lightly with the reputation of another—if they hear you slander or revile your neighbor. If you wish your child to show charity toward the erring, you must set the example by the habitual exercise of that virtue yourself. Without this your teaching will be of but little avail. If you take pleasure in dwelling upon the faults of others, if you refuse to cover over their infirmities with the mantle of charity, [Pg 218]your example will nullify your teaching, and your admonitions will be lost.
Your kids will develop bad habits of speaking if they hear you casually disrespecting someone else's reputation—if they hear you gossip or badmouth your neighbor. If you want your child to be compassionate towards those who make mistakes, you need to model that behavior by practicing kindness yourself. Without this, your teaching won't be very effective. If you enjoy pointing out other people's flaws and refuse to overlook their weaknesses with kindness, [Pg 218]your example will undermine your teaching, and your advice will go unheard.
Mothers should early train their children to regard all the courtesies of life as scrupulously toward each other as to mere acquaintances and strangers. This is the only way in which you can secure to them the daily enjoyment of a happy home. When the external forms of courtesy are disregarded in the family circle, we are sure to find contention and bickering perpetually recurring. Rudeness is a constant source of bickering. Each will have his own way of being rude, and each will be angry at some portion of the ill-breeding of all the rest, thus provoking accusations and retorts. Where the rule of life is to do good and to make others happy, there will be found the art of securing a happy home. It is said that there is something higher in politeness than Christian moralists have recognized. In its best forms, none but the truly religious man can show it, for it is the sacrifice of self in the habitual matters of life—always the best test of our principles—together with a respect for man as our brother, under the same great destiny.
Mothers should teach their children early on to treat everyone, including family, with the same respect and courtesy they would show to acquaintances and strangers. This is the only way to ensure they can enjoy a happy home every day. When courtesy is ignored within the family, conflicts and arguments are bound to arise. Rudeness constantly fuels these disputes. Each person will have their own way of being rude, and everyone will get upset about the bad behavior of the others, leading to accusations and responses. If the guiding principle is to do good and make others happy, then the key to a happy home is more likely to be found. It's said that there is a deeper level of politeness that Christian moralists haven't acknowledged. In its finest forms, only truly religious individuals can demonstrate it because it involves putting others before oneself in everyday life—this is always the best measure of our values—along with treating others with respect as our brothers and sisters, all sharing the same larger purpose.
The true test of the success of any education is its efficiency in giving full use of the moral and intellectual faculties wherewith to meet the duties and the struggles of life, and not by the variety of knowledge acquired. The development of the powers of the mind and its cul[Pg 219]tivation are the work of a teacher; moral training is the work of the mother, and commences long before one word of precept can be understood. Children should be early taught to regard the rights of others, that they may early learn the rights which property confers and not entertain confused ideas upon this subject.
The true test of any education's success is how well it enables individuals to fully utilize their moral and intellectual abilities to handle life's responsibilities and challenges, not just the amount of knowledge they acquire. Developing the mind’s capabilities and nurturing them is the teacher's role; moral training is the mother’s responsibility and starts long before a child understands any advice. Children should be taught from an early age to respect others' rights so they can understand the rights that come with property and avoid having mixed-up ideas about this topic.
Virtue is the child of good habits, and the formation of habits may be said to almost constitute the whole work of education. The mother can create habits which shall mold character and enable the mind to maintain that habitual sense of duty which gives command over the passions, and power to fight temptation, and which makes obedience to principle comparatively easy, under most circumstances. The social and domestic life are marred by habits which have grown into a second nature. It is not in an occasional act of civility that the charm of either home or society consists, but in continued practice of courtesy and respect for the rights and feelings of those around us. Whatever may be the precepts for a home, the practices of the fireside will give form to the habits. Parents who indulge in gossip, scandal, slander and tale-telling, will rear children possessing the same tastes and deteriorating habits. A parent's example outlines the child's character. It sinks down deep into his heart and influences his whole life for good or for evil. A parent should carefully avoid speaking evil of others, and should never exhibit faults requiring the mantle of charity to cover. A parent's [Pg 220]example should be such as to excite an abhorrence of evil speaking, of tattling and of uncharitable construction of the motives of others. Let the mother begin the proper training of her children in early life and she will be able to so mold their characters that not only will they acquire the habit of bridling the tongue, but they will learn to avoid the presence of the slanderer as they do a deadly viper.
Virtue is the result of good habits, and developing these habits is almost the entire focus of education. A mother can establish habits that shape character and help the mind maintain a consistent sense of duty, controlling passions and resisting temptation, making it easier to follow principles in most situations. Social and home life suffers from habits that have become second nature. It's not just the occasional act of kindness that makes home or society charming, but the ongoing practice of courtesy and respect for the rights and feelings of those around us. Regardless of what rules a home may have, the everyday practices in the household shape the habits. Parents who engage in gossip, scandals, and tale-telling will raise children who mirror those same interests and develop harmful habits. A parent's behavior sets the tone for the child's character. It deeply influences their heart and impacts their entire life for better or worse. Parents should be careful not to speak ill of others and should avoid displaying flaws that need charity to overlook. A parent's example should promote a strong dislike for gossip, spreading rumors, and misjudging others' motives. If a mother starts training her children properly from a young age, she can shape their characters so they not only learn to control their words but also steer clear of gossip like they would a deadly snake.
Genuine politeness is a great fosterer of domestic love, and those who are habitually polished at home are those who exhibit good manners when abroad. When parents receive any little attention from their children, they should thank them for it. They should ask a favor only in a courteous way; never reply to questions in monosyllables, or indulge in the rudeness of paying no attention to a question, for such an example will be surely followed by the children. Parents sometimes thoughtlessly allow their children to form habits of disrespect in the home circle, which crop out in the bad manners that are found in society.
Genuine politeness is a huge boost to love at home, and those who are consistently courteous at home are the ones who show good manners in public. When parents receive any small kindness from their kids, they should express their gratitude. They should request favors in a polite manner; they shouldn’t answer questions with one-word replies or ignore questions, because that kind of behavior will likely be mimicked by their children. Parents sometimes unintentionally let their kids develop disrespectful habits in the home environment, which then show up as bad manners in society.
Parents should never check expressions of tenderness in their children, nor humiliate them before others. This will not only cause suffering to little sensitive hearts, but will tend to harden them. Reproof, if needed, should be administered to each child singly and alone.[Pg 221]
Parents should never suppress their children's expressions of affection or embarrass them in front of others. This will not only hurt their sensitive hearts, but it will also cause them to become hardened. If reproof is necessary, it should be given to each child individually and in private.[Pg 221]
Children should not be prohibited from laughing and talking at the table. Joyousness promotes the circulation of the blood, enlivens and invigorates it, and sends it to all parts of the system, carrying with it animation, vigor and life. Controversy should not be permitted at the table, nor should any subjects which call forth political or religious difference. Every topic introduced should be calculated to instruct, interest or amuse. Business matters, past disappointments and mishaps should not be alluded to, nor should bad news be spoken of at the table, nor for half an hour before. All conversation should be of joyous and gladsome character, such as will bring out pleasant remarks and agreeable associations. Reproof should never be administered at the table, either to a child or to a servant; no fault found with anything, and no unkind word should be spoken. If remarks are to be made of absent ones, they should be of a kind and charitable nature. Thus will the family table be the center of pleasant memories in future years, when the family shall have been scattered far and near, and some, perhaps, have been laid in their final resting-place.
Children shouldn't be stopped from laughing and talking at the table. Joy brings fresh energy that helps the blood circulate, energizing the body and spreading life throughout. Arguments should be avoided at the table, as well as topics that could cause political or religious disagreements. Every subject brought up should aim to educate, engage, or entertain. Discussions about work, past disappointments, or bad news shouldn't be mentioned during the meal or for half an hour before. All conversation should be cheerful and uplifting, encouraging pleasant comments and good vibes. Criticism should never happen at the table, whether towards a child or a servant; no faults should be pointed out, and no harsh words should be used. If absent individuals are discussed, it should be in a kind and compassionate way. This way, the family table will become a source of happy memories for years to come, even when family members are far apart or some have passed away.
Chancellor Kent says: "Without some preparation made in youth for the sequel of life, children of all conditions would probably become idle and vicious when they grow up, from want of good instruction and habits, [Pg 222]and the means of subsistence, or from want of rational and useful occupations. A parent who sends his son into the world without educating him in some art, science, profession or business, does great injury to mankind, as well as to his son and his own family, for he defrauds the community of a useful citizen, and bequeaths to it a nuisance. That parent who trains his child for some special occupation, who inspires him with a feeling of genuine self-respect, has contributed a useful citizen to society."
Chancellor Kent says: "Without preparing children in their youth for the next phase of life, young people from all backgrounds are likely to become lazy and harmful as adults, due to a lack of proper guidance and habits, [Pg 222] and the means to support themselves, or from not having reasonable and productive activities. A parent who sends their child into the world without educating them in a skill, field of study, profession, or business does a great disservice to society, as well as to their child and family; they deprive the community of a valuable citizen and leave behind a burden. That parent who prepares their child for a specific career, who instills a sense of true self-respect, has contributed a valuable citizen to society."
Dread an insubordinate temper, and deal with it as one of the greatest evils. Let the child feel by your manner that he is not a safe companion for the rest of the family when he is in anger. Allow no one to speak to him at such times, not even to answer a question. Take from him books, and whatever he may have, and place him where he shall feel that the indulgence of a bad temper shall deprive him of all enjoyment, and he will soon learn to control himself.
Dread an unruly temper and handle it as one of the biggest issues. Make sure the child understands through your behavior that they are not a good companion for the rest of the family when they're angry. Don't let anyone talk to them during those times, not even to answer a question. Take away their books and anything else they have, and put them in a position where they realize that giving in to a bad temper will take away all their enjoyment, and they will quickly learn to manage themselves.
Selfishness that binds the miser in his chains, that chills the heart, must never be allowed a place in the family circle. Teach the child to share his gifts and pleasures with others, to be obliging, kind and benevolent, and the influence of such instruction may come back into your own bosom, to bless your latest hours.[Pg 223]
Selfishness that keeps the miser trapped and hardens the heart should never be allowed in the family. Teach children to share their gifts and joys with others, to be helpful, kind, and generous, and the impact of this lesson may return to you, blessing your later years.[Pg 223]
Remember that children are men and women in miniature, and though they should be allowed to act as children, still our dealings with them should be manly and not morose. Remember also that every word, tone and gesture, nay, even your dress, makes an impression.
Remember that children are just small men and women, and while they should be allowed to behave like kids, our interactions with them should be respectful and not gloomy. Also, keep in mind that every word, tone, gesture, and even what you wear makes an impression.
Never correct a child on suspicion, or without understanding the whole matter, nor trifle with a child's feelings when under discipline.
Never correct a child based on suspicion or without fully understanding the situation, and don't play around with a child's feelings when they are being disciplined.
Be always mild and cheerful in their presence, communicative, but never extravagant, trifling or vulgar in language or gesture. Never trifle with a child nor speak beseechingly when it is doing wrong.
Be always gentle and happy around them, friendly, but never excessive, trivial, or crude in your words or actions. Don’t play around with a child or speak in a pleading tone when it’s misbehaving.
Always follow commands with a close and careful watch, until the thing is done, allowing no evasion and no modification, unless the child ask for it, and it be expressly granted.
Always follow instructions closely and carefully until the task is complete, allowing no evasion or changes unless the child requests it, and it is explicitly granted.
Never reprove children severely in company, nor hold them up to ridicule, nor make light of their failings.
Never harshly criticize children in front of others, nor expose them to ridicule, nor trivialize their mistakes.
Never speak in an impatient, pitiful manner, if you have occasion to find fault.
Never criticize in an impatient or pitying way, even when you need to point out mistakes.
Never say to a child, "I don't believe what you say," nor even imply your doubts. If you have such feelings, keep them to yourself and wait; the truth will eventually be made plain.
Never say to a child, "I don't believe you," or even hint at your doubts. If you feel that way, keep it to yourself and be patient; the truth will come out in time.
Never disappoint the confidence a child places in you, whether it be a thing placed in your care or a promise.
Never let down the trust a child has in you, whether it’s something they're counting on you to take care of or a promise you made.
Always give prompt attention to a child when he [Pg 224]speaks, so as to prevent repeated calls, and that he may learn to give prompt attention when you call him.
Always respond quickly when a child speaks, so he doesn't have to repeat himself, and so he learns to pay quick attention when you call him.
Never try to impress a child with religious truth when in anger, or talk to him of God, as it will not have the desired effect. Do it under more favorable circumstances.
Never try to impress a child with religious truth when you're angry, or talk to them about God, because it won't have the desired effect. Do it when the situation is better.
At the table a child should be taught to sit up and behave in a becoming manner, not to tease when denied, nor to leave his chair without asking. A parent's wish at such time should be a law from which no appeal should be made.
At the table, a child should be taught to sit up and behave appropriately, not to tease when they’re told no, and not to get up from their chair without permission. A parent's wishes in these moments should be a rule that isn’t questioned.
Even in sickness gentle restraint is better for a child than indulgence.
Even when a child is sick, gentle limits are better than giving in to every desire.
There should never be two sets of manners, the one for home and the other for company, but a gentle behavior should be always required.
There shouldn't be two different sets of manners, one for home and another for social situations; instead, polite behavior should always be expected.

A motivation for goodness.
CHAPTER XX.
Home Culture.
The work of home culture should be made a matter of great importance to every one, for upon it depends the happiness of earthly homes, as well as our fitness for the enjoyment of the eternal home in heaven. The sufferings endured here, friend for friend, parents for children, unrequited sacrifices, cares and tears, all tend to discipline us, and prepare us for the recompense which eternity brings.
The importance of home culture should be a priority for everyone because our happiness in our earthly homes relies on it, as does our ability to appreciate the eternal home in heaven. The struggles we face here—friends supporting each other, parents sacrificing for their children, unreturned sacrifices, worries, and tears—all help shape us and get us ready for the rewards that eternity offers.
Moral courage will be cultivated in your children as they observe that you say and do whatever you conscientiously believe to be right and true, without being influenced by the views of others; thus showing them that you fear nothing so much as failing to do your duty. Perhaps this may be difficult to do, but every mother can at least show her appreciation of moral courage when she sees it exhibited by others, and in this way incite its growth in the souls of [Pg 226]her children. Moral courage is a rare endowment, and those who possess it are able to act with perfect independence of the opinions of others, and govern themselves only by the laws of propriety, uprightness and charity.
Moral courage will develop in your children as they see you consistently doing what you believe is right and true, without being swayed by others' opinions. This demonstrates that you fear nothing more than failing to fulfill your responsibilities. While this might be challenging, every mother can at least show her appreciation for moral courage when she recognizes it in others, thereby encouraging its growth within her children. Moral courage is a rare quality, and those who have it can act independently of others' opinions, guided only by standards of decency, integrity, and kindness.
If you would preserve your children from the pernicious influence of indolence and all its corrupting tendencies, you must be earnest in purpose, active, energetic and fervent in spirit. Earnestness sharpens the faculties; indolence corrodes and dulls them. By the former we rise higher and higher, by the latter we sink lower and lower. Indolence begets discontent, envy and jealousy, while labor elevates the mind and character. Cultivate in your children habits of thought which will keep their minds occupied upon something that will be of use or advantage, and prevent them from acquiring habits of idleness, if you would secure their future well-being.
If you want to protect your children from the harmful effects of laziness and all its negative traits, you need to be serious about your goals, active, energetic, and passionate. Being serious sharpens the mind; laziness wears it down and dulls it. With seriousness, we rise higher and higher; with laziness, we sink lower and lower. Laziness leads to discontent, envy, and jealousy, while hard work lifts the mind and character. Teach your children to develop thought habits that keep their minds engaged in something useful or beneficial, and help them avoid falling into the trap of idleness if you want to ensure their future well-being.
It has been said that he who performs no useful act in society, who makes no human being happier, is leading a life of utter selfishness—a life of sin—for a life of selfishness is a life of sin. There is nowhere room for idleness. Work is both a duty and a necessity of our nature, and a befitting reward will ever follow it. To foster and encourage labor in some useful form, is a duty which parents should urge upon their children, if they should seek their best good.[Pg 227]
It’s been said that someone who doesn’t contribute anything useful to society and doesn’t make anyone happier is living a completely selfish life—a life of wrongdoing—because selfishness is wrong. There’s no place for idleness. Work is both our responsibility and a natural necessity, and it will always bring appropriate rewards. Parents should encourage their children to engage in some useful form of work if they really want what’s best for them.[Pg 227]
It is the mother's duty to see that her children protect themselves from the many pit-falls which surround them, such as malice, envy, conceit, avariciousness, and other evils, by being clad in the armor of self-respect; and then they will be able to encounter temptation and corruption, unstained and unpolluted. This feeling of self-respect is something stronger than self-reliance, higher than pride. It is an energy of the soul which masters the whole being for its good, watching with a never-ceasing vigilance. It is the sense of duty and the sense of honor combined. It is an armor, which, though powerless to shield from sorrows that purify and invigorate, yet will avert all hostile influences that assail, from whatever source they come. The mother having once made her children conscious that always and everywhere they carry with them such an angel to shield, warn and rescue them, may let them go out into the world, and fear nothing from the wiles and temptations which may beset them.
It is the mother's responsibility to ensure that her children protect themselves from the many pitfalls around them, like malice, envy, arrogance, greed, and other evils, by wearing the armor of self-respect; this way, they can face temptation and corruption, remaining untainted and pure. This sense of self-respect is more powerful than self-reliance, greater than pride. It is a force of the soul that governs one’s entire being for their benefit, always watching with unwavering vigilance. It combines a sense of duty with a sense of honor. It acts as protection that, while it can't shield from sorrows that cleanse and strengthen, will deflect all negative influences that threaten, regardless of their origin. Once a mother has made her children aware that they always have this guardian angel to protect, guide, and save them, she can let them venture into the world without fearing the traps and temptations that may confront them.
The laws of good-breeding in no place bear more gratifying results than in the home circle. Here, tempered with love, and nurtured by all kindly impulses, they bear the choicest fruit. A true lady will show as much courtesy, and observe the duties of politeness as unfailingly, toward every member of her family as toward [Pg 228]her most distinguished guest. A true gentleman will feel bound to exercise courtesy and kindness in his intercourse with those who depend upon him for protection and example. Children influenced by such examples at home, will never fail to show to their elders the respect due them, to their young companions the same consideration for their feelings which they expect to meet with in return, nor to servants that patience which even the best too often require. In such a home peace and good will are the household gods.
The rules of good manners produce the best outcomes in the home environment. Here, they are softened by love and supported by all positive motivations, yielding the best results. A true lady shows the same courtesy and maintains her polite duties just as consistently to every family member as she does to [Pg 228] her most distinguished guest. A true gentleman feels obligated to be courteous and kind to those who rely on him for protection and guidance. Children raised with such examples at home will always respect their elders, show consideration for the feelings of their peers as they expect in return, and exhibit the patience required even by the best servants. In such a home, peace and goodwill are the guiding principles.
The oil of civility is required to make the wheels of domestic life run smoothly. The habit of fault-finding and grumbling indulged in by some, is an exceedingly vexatious one, and will, in time, ruffle the calmest spirit and the sweetest temper. It is the little annoyances, perplexities and misfortunes which often render life a burden; the little omission of minor duties and the committing of little faults that perpetually scourge us and keep the heart sore. Constant fault-finding, persistent misrepresentations of motives, suspicions of evil where no evil was intended, will complete the work in all but the finest and most heroic natures. They alone can stand the fiery test, coming out purer and stronger for the ordeal. Children who habitually obey the commandment, "Be kind to one another," will find in mature life, how strong the bonds of affection may be that bind the members of the household together.[Pg 229]
The oil of civility is necessary to keep the wheels of home life running smoothly. The habit of constantly finding faults and complaining, indulged in by some, is incredibly annoying and will eventually disturb even the calmest spirit and the sweetest nature. It’s the small annoyances, confusions, and mishaps that often make life feel burdensome; it’s the little neglects of minor duties and the small mistakes that constantly torment us and keep our hearts aching. Continuous fault-finding, persistent misinterpretations of intentions, and suspicion of bad motives where none exist will wear down all but the strongest and most noble personalities. Only they can withstand the fiery trials, emerging purer and stronger from the experience. Children who regularly follow the commandment, "Be kind to one another," will discover in adulthood just how strong the bonds of love can be that connect the family members together.[Pg 229]
Whatever may be the family disagreements, they should never be made known outside of the home circle, if it can be avoided. Those who expose the faults of the members of their family are severely judged by the world, and no provocation can be a good excuse for it. It is exceedingly vulgar, not to say unchristianlike, for the members of the same family to be at enmity with one another.
Whatever family disagreements there may be, they should never be made public outside the home if it can be helped. Those who reveal the faults of their family members are harshly judged by others, and no provocation is a valid excuse for it. It's extremely inappropriate, not to mention unchristian, for family members to be at odds with each other.
One of the greatest disciplines of human life, is that which teaches us to yield our wills to those who have a claim upon us to do so, even in trifling, every-day affairs; the wife to the husband, children to parents, to teachers and to one another. In cases where principle is concerned, it is, of course, necessary to be firm, which requires an exercise of moral courage.
One of the most important aspects of human life is learning to submit our desires to those who have a rightful claim on us, even in small, everyday matters; the wife to her husband, children to their parents, to teachers, and to one another. When it comes to issues of principle, it's essential to stand firm, which requires a strong sense of moral courage.
Conflicting interests are a fruitful source of family difficulties. The command of Christ to the two brothers who came to Him with their disputes, "Beware of covetousness," is as applicable among members of the same family now, as it was when those words were spoken. It is better that you have few or no business transactions with any one who is near and dear to you, and connected by family ties. In business relations [Pg 230]men are apt to be very exact, because of their habits of business, and this exactness is too often construed by near friends and relatives as actuated by purely selfish motives. Upon this rock many a bark of family love has been wrecked.
Conflicting interests are a major source of family problems. Christ's warning to the two brothers who approached Him with their disputes, "Beware of greed," is just as relevant among family members today as it was then. It's better to have few or no business dealings with anyone close to you and connected by family ties. In business relationships [Pg 230] people tend to be very precise because of their business habits, and this precision is often seen by close friends and relatives as being driven by selfish motives. Many family bonds have been broken on this very issue.
It is well to remember that every blessing of our lives, every joy of our hearts and every ray of hope shed upon our pathway, have had their origin in religion, and may be traced in all their hallowed, healthful influences to the Bible. With the dawn of childhood, then, in the earliest days of intelligence, should the mind be impressed and stored with religious truth, and nothing should be allowed to exclude or efface it. It should be taught so early that the mind will never remember when it began to learn; it will then have the character of innate, inbred principles, incorporated with their very being.
It’s important to remember that every blessing in our lives, every joy we feel, and every glimmer of hope along our journey come from religion and can be traced back to the Bible and its positive influence. As soon as childhood begins, during those early moments of understanding, we should fill young minds with religious truths, making sure nothing interferes with or erases them. These teachings should start so early that the child won’t remember a time they didn’t learn them; they will then become a fundamental part of their identity.
If you would not have all your instructions and counsels ineffectual, teach your children to obey. Government in a family is the great safeguard of religion and morals, the support of order and the source of prosperity. Nothing has a greater tendency to bring a curse upon a family than the insubordination and disobedience of children, and there is no more painful and disgusting sight than an ungoverned child.[Pg 231]
If you want your guidance and advice to actually work, teach your kids to follow the rules. Having a strong sense of authority in a family is essential for maintaining religion and morals, supporting order, and fostering prosperity. Nothing is more likely to bring trouble to a family than unruly and disobedient children, and there's nothing more upsetting and unpleasant than a child who can't be controlled.[Pg 231]
Never forget that the first book children read is their parents' example—their daily deportment. If this is forgotten you may find, in the loss of your domestic peace, that while your children well know the right path, they follow the wrong.
Never forget that the first book kids read is their parents' example—their daily behavior. If this is overlooked, you might find that in the loss of your family harmony, while your kids know the right path, they follow the wrong one.
Childhood is like a mirror, catching and reflecting images all around it. Remember that an impious, profane or vulgar thought may operate upon the heart of a young child like a careless spray of water upon polished steel, staining it with rust that no efforts can thoroughly efface.
Childhood is like a mirror, capturing and reflecting images all around it. Keep in mind that a disrespectful, inappropriate, or crude thought can affect a young child's heart just like a careless spray of water on polished steel, leaving a stain of rust that no amount of effort can completely remove.
Improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity, which may never return. It is the seed time, and your harvest depends upon the seed then sown.
Improve the first ten years of life as the golden opportunity that may never come again. It's the time to plant seeds, and your future success depends on the seeds you plant now.
Few mothers can over-estimate the influence which the companionship of books exerts in youth upon the habits and tastes of their children, and no mother who has the welfare of her children at heart will neglect the important work of choosing the proper books for them to read, while they are under her care. She should select for them such as will both interest and instruct, and this should be done during the early years, before their minds shall have imbibed the pernicious teachings of bad books and sensational novels. The poison imbibed from bad books works so secretly that their influence for evil is even greater than the influence of bad [Pg 232]associates. The mother has it in her power to make such books the companions and friends of her children as her good judgment may select, and to impress upon them their truths, by conversing with them about the moral lessons or the intellectual instructions they contain. A taste may be easily cultivated for books on natural science and for history, as well as for those that teach important and wholesome lessons for the young, such as are contained in the works of Mrs. Edgeworth, Mrs. Child, Mrs. Yonge, and many other books written for the young.
Few mothers can underestimate the impact that the companionship of books has on the habits and tastes of their children during their youth, and no mother who truly cares about her children will overlook the essential task of selecting the right books for them to read while they are in her care. She should choose books that will both engage and educate them, and this should be done in their early years, before their minds have absorbed the harmful messages of poor-quality books and sensational novels. The negative effects of bad books infiltrate so subtly that their harmful influence is even stronger than that of bad [Pg 232]friends. A mother has the ability to introduce her children to the companions and friends of good books, as guided by her sound judgment, and to reinforce their messages by discussing the moral lessons or intellectual insights they offer. A taste for books on natural science, history, and those that present important and beneficial lessons for youth, like those written by Mrs. Edgeworth, Mrs. Child, Mrs. Yonge, and many others, can be easily nurtured.

CHAPTER XXI.
Woman's Higher Education.

T has been seen that in the rearing and training of her children, woman has a great work to perform; that in this work she exerts an incalculable influence upon untold numbers, and that she molds the minds and characters of her sons and daughters. How important, then, that she should cultivate her mental faculties to the highest extent, if for no other reason than to fit herself the better for the performance of this great duty of educating her children. How important it is, also, that she should look to the higher education of her daughters, who, in turn, will become mothers of future generations, or may, perhaps, by some vicissitude of fortune, become dependent upon their own resources for support. With the highest culture of the mental faculties, woman will be best enabled to faithfully perform whatever she may undertake.
Owing to the changes in social and industrial life which have crowded many women from their homes into business and public life, women must train for their branch of labor as men train for their work, if they wish to attain any degree of success. Even where women have independent fortunes, their lives will be all the happier if they have been trained to some occupation, that, in case of reverses, may be made a self-sustaining one. A young woman who is able to support herself, increases her chances for a happy marriage, for, not being obliged to rely upon a husband for support or for a home, she is able to judge calmly of an offer when it comes, and is free to accept or decline, because of her independence. Women are capable of and adapted to a large number of employments, which have hitherto been kept from them, and some of these they are slowly wrenching from the hands of the sterner sex. In order that women may enter the ranks of labor which she is forcing open to herself, she needs a special education and training to fit her for such employment.
Due to the changes in social and industrial life that have pushed many women out of their homes and into business and public roles, women need to train for their field of work just like men do if they want to be successful. Even if women have their own wealth, they will have happier lives if they’ve trained for a job that can support them in case of setbacks. A young woman who can support herself has a better chance of finding a happy marriage because she doesn’t need to depend on a husband for financial security or a home. This means she can evaluate marriage proposals more calmly and has the freedom to accept or reject them based on her independence. Women are capable of and suited for many jobs that have traditionally been off-limits to them, and they are slowly claiming some of these roles from men. For women to enter these fields that they are pushing open for themselves, they need specialized education and training to prepare them for such careers.
The school instruction of our girls is too superficial. There is a smattering of too many branches, where two or three systematically studied and thoroughly mastered, would accomplish much more for them in the way of a sound mental training, which is the real object of education. The present method of educating young girls is [Pg 235]to give them from five to ten studies, in which they prepare lessons, and this, too, at an age when their physical development suffers and is checked by excess of mental labor. Such a course of instruction, bestowing only a smattering of many branches, wastes the powers of the mind, and deters, rather than aids, self-improvement. It is only a concentration of the mind upon the thorough acquisition of all it undertakes that strengthens the reflective, and forms the reasoning, faculties, and thus helps to lay a solid foundation for future usefulness. The word education means to educe, to draw out the powers of the mind; not the cramming into it of facts, dates and whole pages to be repeated verbatim.
The education of our girls is too shallow. There’s a little bit of everything, but focusing on two or three subjects that are systematically studied and thoroughly understood would benefit them much more in terms of solid mental training, which is the true purpose of education. Right now, the approach to educating young girls is [Pg 235] to give them five to ten subjects to prepare for, and this happens at an age when their physical development is hindered by too much mental strain. This kind of instruction, which only skims the surface of many subjects, squanders mental energy and actually hinders self-improvement rather than helping it. It is only by concentrating fully on mastering what they study that they can strengthen their ability to think critically and develop their reasoning skills, thereby laying a strong foundation for future success. Education should mean to draw out the mind’s potential, not just to cram it full of facts, dates, and entire pages to be memorized verbatim.
The fact is becoming more palpable every year that there is an education appropriate to each sex; that identical education for the two sexes is so unnatural, that physiology protests against it and experience weeps over it. The physiological motto in education is, "Educate a man for manhood, a woman for womanhood, and both for humanity." Herbert Spencer, in speaking of the want of a proper course of education for girls, says: "It is an astonishing fact that, though on the treatment of offspring depend their lives or deaths, and their moral welfare or ruin, yet not one word of instruction on treatment of offspring is ever given to those who will, by and by, be parents." It will thus be seen, that as women have the care, the training and the education of children, they need an education in a special direc[Pg 236]tion, and should have a very thorough one, to prepare them for the task.
The truth is becoming clearer each year that there is an education suited to each gender; that giving both genders the same education is so unnatural that biology argues against it and real-life experiences prove it to be unwise. The biological principle in education is, "Prepare a man for manhood, a woman for womanhood, and both for humanity." Herbert Spencer, discussing the lack of a proper educational path for girls, notes, "It’s astonishing that while the treatment of children affects their lives or deaths and their moral development or downfall, not a single word of guidance on caring for children is given to those who will eventually become parents." Therefore, it’s evident that since women are responsible for nurturing, training, and educating children, they need a specialized education and should receive comprehensive training to equip them for this role.
Physiology is one of the branches of that higher education, which should be thoroughly pursued by women to enable them to fulfill the various duties of their allotted stations. Yet it is also desirable that they should have a thorough knowledge of all branches that they undertake, and a mastery of the studies pursued by them; for the want of thoroughness in woman's education is an obstacle to success in all branches of labor. But woman should especially have a thorough knowledge of the laws of physiology and hygiene. If she becomes a mother, such knowledge will enable her to guard better the lives and health of her children. She will understand that when she sends out her child insufficiently clad, and he comes home chilled through, that his vitality, his power of resisting disease, is wasted. She will know that by taking the necessary precautions, she may save the child's life; that she must not take him thus chilled, to the fire or into a room highly heated, but that by gentle exercise or friction, she must restore the circulation of the blood, and in using such precautions, she may ward off the attacks of disease that would surely follow if they were neglected. This is but a single case, for there are instances of almost daily occurrence when a proper knowledge of the laws of health will ward off disease, in her own case, as well as in those of various [Pg 237]members of her household. The diseases which carry off children, are for the most part, such as ought to be under the control of the women who love them, pet them, educate them, and who would, in many cases, lay down their lives for them.
Physiology is one of the areas of higher education that women should study thoroughly to fulfill the various responsibilities of their roles. It's also important for them to have a solid understanding of all the subjects they take on and to master their studies, as a lack of depth in women's education can hinder success in various work areas. However, women should particularly have a strong grasp of the laws of physiology and hygiene. If they become mothers, this knowledge will help them better protect the lives and health of their children. They will recognize that when they send their child out dressed inadequately and he returns feeling cold, his ability to fight off illness is compromised. They will understand that by taking the right precautions, they can save the child's life; that they shouldn't rush him from the cold directly to a fire or into a very warm room, but instead, through gentle exercise or massage, they should restore the blood circulation. By taking such precautions, they can prevent the illnesses that would inevitably arise if ignored. This is just one example, as there are nearly daily situations where a proper understanding of health laws can help avoid illness, both for themselves and for various [Pg 237] members of their households. The diseases that often lead to children’s deaths are mostly those that should be manageable by the women who love them, care for them, and educate them, and who would, in many instances, sacrifice their lives for them.
Ignorance of the laws of ventilation in sleeping-rooms and school-rooms is the cause of a vast amount of disease. From ignorance of the signs of approaching disease, children are often punished for idleness, listlessness, sulkiness and wilfulness, and this punishment is too often by confinement in a closed room, and by an increase of tasks; when what is really needed is more oxygen, more open-air exercise, and less study. These forms of ignorance have too often resulted in malignant typhus and brain fevers. Knowledge of the laws of hygiene will often spare the waste of health and strength in the young, and will also spare anxiety and misery to those who love and tend them. If the time devoted to the many trashy so-called "accomplishments" in a young lady's education, were given to a study of the laws of preserving health, how many precious lives might be spared to loving parents, and how many frail and delicate forms, resulting from inattention to physical training, might have become strong and beautiful temples of exalted souls. We are all in duty bound to know and to obey the laws of nature, on which the welfare of our bodies depends, for the full enjoyment of [Pg 238]our faculties can only be attained when the body is in perfect health.
Ignorance about ventilation in bedrooms and classrooms leads to many health issues. Because people don’t recognize the signs of illness, children are often punished for being lazy, unmotivated, sulky, or stubborn. This punishment usually involves keeping them in a closed room and piling on more tasks, when what they really need is more oxygen, fresh air, and less studying. This lack of awareness has often resulted in serious illnesses like typhus and brain fever. Understanding hygiene can help preserve young people's health and strength, as well as reduce the worry and suffering of those who care for them. If the time spent on trivial skills in a girl's education was redirected towards learning how to maintain health, countless precious lives could be saved for loving parents, and many frail, delicate bodies that result from neglecting physical education might have become strong and vibrant. We all have a responsibility to understand and follow the laws of nature that our health relies on, because we can only fully enjoy our abilities when our bodies are in perfect condition.
Perhaps the greatest cause of misery and wretchedness in social life is idleness. The want of something to do is what makes people wicked and miserable. It breeds selfishness, mischief-making, envy, jealousy and vice, in all its most dreadful forms. It is the duty of mothers to see that their daughters are trained to habits of industry, that their minds are at all times occupied, that they are well informed as to household duties, and to the duties of married life, for upon a knowledge of household details may depend their life-long happiness or misery. It is frequently the case, that a girl's education ends just as her mind is beginning to mature and her faculties are beginning to develop. Her education ends when it ought properly to begin. She enters upon marriage entirely unprepared, and, perchance, by some misfortune, she is thrown penniless upon the world with no means of obtaining a livelihood, for her education has never fitted her for any vocation. Not having been properly taught herself, she is not able to teach, and she finds no avenue of employment open to her. An English clergyman, writing upon this subject, says: "Let girls take a serious interest in art; let them take up some congenial study, let it be a branch of science or history. Let them write. They can do almost anything they try to do, but let their mothers never rest until they have implanted in their daughters' lives one [Pg 239]growing interest beyond flirtation and gossip, whether it be work at the easel, music, literature, the structure of the human body and the laws of health, any solid interest that will occupy their thoughts and their hearts. Idleness, frivolity and ignorance can only be put down by education and employment. In the last resort, the spirit of evil becomes teacher and task-master."
Perhaps the biggest cause of unhappiness and misery in social life is idleness. Not having something to do is what makes people cruel and miserable. It breeds selfishness, troublemaking, envy, jealousy, and vice in all its most awful forms. It’s the responsibility of mothers to ensure that their daughters develop a strong work ethic, keep their minds engaged, and are knowledgeable about household responsibilities and the duties of married life, because a good understanding of domestic tasks can determine their lifelong happiness or misery. Often, a girl’s education ends just when her mind is starting to mature and her abilities are developing. Her education concludes right when it should truly begin. She enters marriage completely unprepared and, perhaps, if misfortune strikes, she finds herself broke with no way to earn a living because her education has not equipped her for any job. Not having been properly educated herself, she is unable to teach others, leaving her with no job opportunities. An English clergyman, writing on this topic, says: "Let girls take a serious interest in art; let them pursue a meaningful study, whether it’s a branch of science or history. Let them write. They can accomplish almost anything they set their minds to, but mothers should never rest until they have instilled in their daughters a growing interest beyond flirting and gossip, whether it’s working at an easel, music, literature, understanding the human body and health laws, or any solid interest that will engage their thoughts and their hearts. Idleness, superficiality, and ignorance can only be overcome by education and work. Ultimately, the spirit of evil becomes the teacher and taskmaster."
In this country more than any other, women should, to some extent, cultivate a spirit of independence. They should acquire a knowledge of how business is transacted, of the relation between capital and labor, and of the value of labor, skilled and unskilled. As housekeepers, they would then be saved from many annoyances and mistakes. If they chance to be left alone, widows, or orphans possessing means, they would be saved from many losses and vexatious experiences by knowing how to transact their own business. And those women who are obliged to take care of themselves, who have no means, how necessary is it that they should have a thorough knowledge of some occupation or business by which they can maintain themselves and others dependent upon them. In this country, the daughter brought up in affluence, may, by some rapid change of fortune, be obliged, upon arriving at maturity, to be among the applicants for whatever employment she may be fitted. If she has been trained to some useful occupation, or if her faculties have been developed by a thoroughness of study of any subject she has undertaken, [Pg 240]she will be better qualified to prepare herself to fill any position which may be open to her. With a mind drilled by constant study she will the more quickly acquire a knowledge and grasp the details of any subject or business to which she may devote herself.
In this country more than anywhere else, women really should foster a sense of independence. They need to understand how business works, the relationship between capital and labor, and the value of both skilled and unskilled labor. As homemakers, they would avoid many frustrations and mistakes. If they happen to be alone, like widows or orphans with resources, knowing how to manage their own affairs would protect them from losses and frustrating situations. For those women who have to support themselves and don’t have financial means, it’s essential to have a solid understanding of a trade or business that can help them take care of themselves and anyone reliant on them. In this country, a daughter raised in wealth might find herself needing to look for work due to some sudden change in circumstances. If she has been trained in a practical skill or if her abilities have been enhanced through thorough study of any subject she has pursued, [Pg 240]she will be more prepared to take on any job available to her. A mind sharpened by ongoing study will help her quickly learn the details of any topic or business she chooses to focus on.
Not only wealth and comfort, but health and life are dependent upon a higher form of culture, a more thorough course of education than is now the standard. Not more, but fewer branches of study and a more thorough comprehension of those pursued. Not only are the health and life of each woman dependent upon the kind and degree of the education she receives, but the health and lives of great numbers may depend upon it. In proportion as she has a knowledge of the laws and nature of a subject will she be able to work at it easily, rapidly and successfully. Knowledge of physical laws saves health and life, knowledge of the laws of intellect saves wear and tear of the brain, knowledge of the laws of political economy and business affairs saves anxiety and worrying.
Wealth, comfort, health, and life all rely on a higher level of culture and a more comprehensive education than what is currently standard. Not more subjects, but fewer, with a deeper understanding of those studied. The health and lives of every woman hinge on the quality and extent of her education, and this can also impact many others. The more she understands the laws and nature of a subject, the easier, quicker, and more successfully she can engage with it. Knowledge of physical laws protects health and life, understanding the laws of the mind reduces mental strain, and grasping the principles of economics and business alleviates anxiety and stress.
A well educated moral sense prevents idleness and develops a well regulated character, which will preserve from excess those tenderer emotions and deeper passions of woman, which are potent in her for evil or for good, in proportion as they are undisciplined and allowed to [Pg 241]run wild, or are trained and developed into a noble and harmonious self-restraint.
A good education and strong moral values keep people from being idle and help build a well-balanced character. This character protects the delicate emotions and intense passions of women, which can lead to either negative or positive outcomes, depending on whether they are left unchecked and run wild or are cultivated into disciplined and balanced self-control.
The girl who has so educated and regulated her intellect, her tastes, her emotions and her moral sense, as to be able to discern the true from the false, will be ready for the faithful performance of whatever work in life is allotted to her; while she who is allowed to grow up ignorant, idle, vain, frivolous, will find herself fitted for no state of existence, and, in after years, with feelings of remorse and despair over a wasted life, may cast reproach upon those in whose trust was reposed her early education.
The girl who has cultivated and shaped her mind, tastes, emotions, and sense of morality to recognize what is true versus false will be prepared to carry out any work in life that is assigned to her. In contrast, the one who is allowed to grow up ignorant, lazy, self-absorbed, and trivial will find herself unprepared for any meaningful existence. Later in life, filled with regret and despair over a squandered life, she may blame those who were responsible for her early education.
It is not for women alone that they should seek a higher education of their faculties and powers but for the sake of the communities in which they live, for the sake of the homes in which they rule and govern, and govern immortal souls, and for the sake of those other homes in the humbler walks of life, where they owe duties as ministering spirits as well as in their own, for in proportion as they minister to the comfort and health of others, so do they exalt their own souls. Women should seek a higher education in order that they may elevate themselves, and that they may prepare themselves for whatever duty they may be called upon to perform. In social life we find that the truest wives, the most patient and careful mothers, the most exemplary housekeepers, the model sisters, the wisest philanthropists and the women of the greatest social influence are women of cultivated minds.[Pg 242]
It's not just for women to pursue a higher education of their skills and abilities but for the sake of the communities they live in, for the homes they manage and nurture, and for those other households in simpler circumstances, where they have responsibilities as caring individuals as well as in their own. The more they support the well-being and happiness of others, the more they uplift their own spirits. Women should strive for a higher education so they can improve themselves and prepare for any responsibilities they may encounter. In society, we observe that the best wives, the most patient and attentive mothers, the finest homemakers, the ideal sisters, the most insightful philanthropists, and the women with the greatest social impact are those with educated minds.[Pg 242]
CHAPTER XXII.
The Art of Letter Writing.

FRENCH writer says, that the writing a note or letter, the wording of a regret, the prompt or the delayed answering of an invitation, the manner of a salutation, the neglect of a required attention, all betray to the well-bred the degree or the absence of good-breeding.
A person who has self-respect as well as respect for others, should never carelessly write a letter or note.
A person who values themselves and respects others should never write a letter or note carelessly.
The letter or note should be free from all flourishes. The rules of punctuation should be followed as nearly as possible, and no capital letters used where they are not required. Ink-blots, erasures, and stains on the paper are inadmissible. Any abbreviations of name, rank or title are considered rude, beyond those sanctioned by custom. No abbreviations of words should be indulged in, nor underlining of words intended to be made emphatic. All amounts of money or other [Pg 243]numbers should be written, reserving the use of numerical figures for dates only. It is a good form to have the address of the writer printed at the top of the sheet, especially for all business letters. For letters of friendship and notes, pure white paper and envelopes are in better taste than tinted or colored, and the paper should be of a superior quality. When a page is once written from left to right side, it should not be written over again from top to bottom.
The letter or note should be simple and straightforward. Follow punctuation rules as closely as possible, and avoid using capital letters unless absolutely necessary. Ink blots, erasures, and stains on the paper are not acceptable. Any abbreviations for name, rank, or title are considered impolite, except those commonly accepted. Don’t use abbreviations for words, and avoid underlining words for emphasis. Write out all amounts of money or other [Pg 243]numbers, using numerical figures only for dates. It's a good idea to have the writer's address printed at the top of the sheet, especially for business letters. For personal letters and notes, plain white paper and envelopes are preferred over tinted or colored options, and the paper should be high quality. Once a page is written from left to right, it shouldn't be rewritten from top to bottom.
No attention should ever be paid to anonymous letters. The writers of such stamp themselves as cowardly, and cowards do not hesitate to say or write what is not true when it suits their purpose. All statements made in such letters should be regarded as false, and the writers as actuated by some bad motives. Anonymous letters should be burned at once, for they are not to be noticed.
No attention should ever be given to anonymous letters. The people who write them show themselves to be cowardly, and cowards won't hesitate to say or write things that aren't true when it benefits them. Any claims made in these letters should be seen as false, and the writers should be viewed as having bad motives. Anonymous letters should be thrown away immediately, as they aren't worth acknowledging.
The writing of notes in the third person is generally confined to notes of invitation, and such notes are never signed.
The writing of notes in the third person is usually limited to invitation notes, and these notes are never signed.
When a letter is upon business, commencing "Sir" or "Dear Sir," the name of the person addressed may be written either at the beginning or at the close of the letter, in the left hand corner. In letters commencing with the name of the person to whom you are writing, [Pg 244]as, "My Dear Mrs. Brown," the name should not be repeated in the left hand corner.
When a letter is about business and starts with "Sir" or "Dear Sir," you can write the recipient's name either at the beginning or at the end of the letter in the left-hand corner. In letters that begin with the person's name, like "My Dear Mrs. Brown," you shouldn't repeat the name in the left-hand corner.
No notes should be commenced very high or very low on the page, but nearer the top than the middle of the sheet.
No notes should start too high or too low on the page, but closer to the top than the middle of the sheet.
In addressing a clergyman, it is customary to commence "Reverend Sir," or "Dear Sir." It is not now customary to write "B.A." or "M.A." after his name.
In addressing a clergyman, it's common to start with "Reverend Sir" or "Dear Sir." It's no longer usual to write "B.A." or "M.A." after his name.
Doctors of divinity and medicine are thus distinguished: "To the Rev. John Blair, D.D.," or "Rev. Dr. Blair;" "To G.T. Roscoe, M.D.," "Doctor Roscoe" or "Dr. Roscoe."
Doctors of divinity and medicine are distinguished like this: "To the Rev. John Blair, D.D.," or "Rev. Dr. Blair;" "To G.T. Roscoe, M.D.," "Doctor Roscoe" or "Dr. Roscoe."
The President of the United States and Governors of States, are addressed "His Excellency." U.S. Senators, members of Congress and men distinguished by holding various political offices of an honorable nature, are addressed as "Honorable."
The President of the United States and State Governors are addressed as "His Excellency." U.S. Senators, members of Congress, and individuals recognized for holding various honorable political positions are addressed as "Honorable."
The superscription or address should be written upon the envelope as legibly as possible, beginning a little to the left of the center of the envelope. The number of the house and name of the street may be written immediately under this line, or in the lower left hand corner, as the writer sees fit. The postage stamp should be securely fixed in the upper right hand corner of the envelope. The following forms will show the appearance of a properly addressed envelope:[Pg 245]
The address should be written on the envelope as clearly as possible, starting a bit to the left of the center. The house number and street name can be written right below this line or in the lower left corner, depending on the writer's preference. The postage stamp should be securely placed in the upper right corner of the envelope. The following examples demonstrate how a properly addressed envelope should look:[Pg 245]



In sending a letter in care of another person the following form is the manner in which the envelope should be addressed:
In sending a letter c/o someone else, here’s how to address the envelope:

In sending a letter by a friend or acquaintance, and not through the mail, acknowledge the courtesy of your friend on the envelope. The letter should not be sealed. The following is the proper form:[Pg 247]
In sending a letter with a friend or someone you know, and not through the mail, recognize your friend's kindness on the envelope. The letter should remain unsealed. Here’s the correct format:[Pg 247]

A note or letter sent to a friend residing in the same place, by a messenger, may be addressed as follows, or bear the full address:
A note or letter sent to a friend living in the same area by a messenger can be addressed like this, or include the full address:


In commencing and signing notes and letters there is a difference of opinion in the degrees of formality to be observed, but generally this scale is used according to the degree of acquaintance or friendship. "Madam" or "Sir," "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir," "My Dear Madam" or "My Dear Sir," "Dear Mrs. Brown" or "Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Mrs. Brown" or "My Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Friend." In closing a note, the degrees are implied as follows: "Truly Yours" or "Yours Truly," "Very Truly Yours," "Sincerely Yours," "Cordially Yours," "Faithfully Yours," "Affectionately Yours." The proper words should be carefully selected, as the conclusion of a note or letter makes an impression on the person reading it. To aged persons the form, "With great respect, sincerely yours," recommends itself as a proper form. "Yours, etc.," is considered a rude ending. If you are sufficiently well acquainted with a person to address her "My Dear Mrs. ——," do not sign "Yours Truly," or "Truly Yours," as this is the form to be used in writing to strangers or in business letters.
In starting and signing notes and letters, opinions differ on how formal they should be, but generally, the level of formality depends on how well you know the person. You might use "Madam" or "Sir," "Dear Madam" or "Dear Sir," "My Dear Madam" or "My Dear Sir," "Dear Mrs. Brown" or "Dear Mr. Brown," "My Dear Mrs. Brown" or "My Dear Mr. Brown," or simply "My Dear Friend." When closing a note, the level of formality is indicated in these ways: "Truly Yours" or "Yours Truly," "Very Truly Yours," "Sincerely Yours," "Cordially Yours," "Faithfully Yours," or "Affectionately Yours." It’s important to choose the right words, as the ending of a note or letter leaves an impression on the reader. For older recipients, the form "With great respect, sincerely yours" is appropriate. Ending with "Yours, etc." is seen as impolite. If you know someone well enough to say "My Dear Mrs. ___," don’t sign off with "Yours Truly" or "Truly Yours," as those are intended for strangers or business correspondence.
A married lady should not sign herself with the "Mrs." before her baptismal name, or a single lady with the "Miss." In writing to strangers who do not know whether to address you as Mrs. or Miss, the [Pg 250]address should be given in full, after signing your letter; as "Mrs. John Smith," followed by the direction; or if unmarried, the "Miss" should be placed in brackets a short distance preceding the signature.
A married woman shouldn’t sign herself as "Mrs." before her first name, and a single woman shouldn’t use "Miss." When writing to people who aren’t sure if they should address you as Mrs. or Miss, the [Pg 250] address should be written out completely after your signature, like "Mrs. John Smith," followed by the address; or if you’re unmarried, "Miss" should be placed in brackets just before your signature.
Only the letters of unmarried ladies and widows are addressed with their baptismal names. The letters of married ladies are addressed with their husbands' names, as "Mrs. John Smith."
Only the letters of single women and widows are addressed using their first names. Married women's letters are addressed with their husbands' names, like "Mrs. John Smith."
Letters of introduction should be brief and carefully worded. Give in full the name of the person introduced, the city or town he is from, intimating the mutual pleasure that you believe the acquaintance will confer, adding a few remarks concerning the one introduced, as circumstances seem to require. Modest persons sometimes shrink from delivering letters of introduction which appear to them to be undeservedly complimentary. Letters of introduction are left unsealed, to be sealed before delivery by the one introduced. They should receive immediate attention by the parties who receive them. When a gentleman delivers such a letter to a lady, he is at liberty to call upon her, sending her his card to ascertain whether she will receive him then, or appoint another hour that will be more convenient. The same rule is to be observed by those whose stay in the city is short. He may also send it to her with his card bearing his address.
Letters of introduction should be short and carefully written. Include the full name of the person being introduced, the city or town they're from, and hint at the mutual enjoyment you believe this introduction will bring. Add a few comments about the person being introduced, as needed. Some modest people might hesitate to deliver letters of introduction that seem overly flattering to them. Letters of introduction are left unsealed and should be sealed by the person being introduced before they're handed over. The recipients should take immediate notice of them. When a man delivers such a letter to a woman, he can follow up by sending her his card to find out if she can see him then or if there’s a better time for her. The same guideline applies to those who are only in town for a short while. He can also send it to her with his card that includes his address.
A letter of introduction should not be given, unless [Pg 251]the person writing it is very well acquainted with the one whom he introduces, and the one to whom he writes. If the person who receives such a letter is really well-bred, you will hear from him or her within twenty-four hours, for a letter of introduction is said to be like a draft, it must be cashed at sight. The one receiving it either invites you to dine, or to meet others, or to a drive, or to visit some place of amusement. Too great caution cannot be exercised in giving a letter which makes such demands upon an acquaintance.
A letter of introduction shouldn’t be given unless [Pg 251] the person writing it knows the person they’re introducing very well, as well as the person receiving it. If the recipient is truly well-mannered, you can expect to hear back from them within twenty-four hours, because a letter of introduction is like a check—it should be cashed immediately. The recipient will either invite you to dinner, to meet others, for a drive, or to visit a place for entertainment. It’s important to be very careful when giving a letter that puts such expectations on an acquaintance.
When the letter of introduction is left with a card, if there is a gentleman in the family, he may call upon the stranger the next day, unless some engagement prevents, when he should send his card with an invitation. If the letter introduces a gentleman to a lady, she may write a note of invitation in answer, appointing a time for him to call.
When a letter of introduction is left with a card, if there’s a man in the family, he can visit the stranger the next day, unless he has other plans, in which case he should send his card along with an invitation. If the letter introduces a man to a woman, she can reply with a note of invitation, suggesting a time for him to come over.
The following is an appropriate form for a letter of introduction.
The following is a suitable format for a letter of introduction.


The envelope containing a letter of introduction, should be addressed as follows:
The envelope with the letter of introduction should be addressed like this:

Notes of congratulation and condolence should be brief, and the letter should only be sent by near and intimate friends. Do not allude to any subject except the one for which you are offering your congratulations or sympathy. Such notes should be made expressive of real feeling, and not be mere matters of form.
Notes of congratulations and condolences should be brief, and the letter should only be sent by close and intimate friends. Avoid mentioning any topic other than the reason for your congratulations or sympathy. These notes should genuinely express your feelings and not just be a matter of formality.
For a general reception, invitations are printed on cards. Their style is like the following, and do not require an answer unless "R.S.V.P." is upon one corner.[Pg 254]
For a general reception, invitations are printed on cards. Their style is similar to the following and do not require a response unless "R.S.V.P." is in one corner.[Pg 254]

The "At Home" form of invitation for a reception is often adopted for a ball with the word "Dancing" in one corner, though many people use the "At Home" form only for receptions. For balls the hours are not limited as at receptions. When the above form is not used for a ball, the invitation may read as follows:
The "At Home" style of invitation for a reception is often used for a ball with the word "Dancing" in one corner, although many people only use the "At Home" style for receptions. For balls, there aren't specific time limits like there are for receptions. When the above style isn't used for a ball, the invitation can say the following:
"Mrs. Blair requests the pleasure of Miss Milton's company at a ball, on Tuesday, February 7, at 9 o'clock."
"Mrs. Blair invites Miss Milton to join her for a ball on Tuesday, February 7, at 9 PM."
Invitations to a ball are always given in the name of the lady of the house, and require an answer, which should not be delayed. If the invitation is accepted, the answer should be as follows:
Invitations to a ball are always issued in the name of the lady of the house and require a response, which should not be postponed. If the invitation is accepted, the reply should be as follows:
"Miss Milton accepts with pleasure Mrs. Blair's kind invitation for Tuesday, February 7."
"Miss Milton gladly accepts Mrs. Blair's kind invitation for Tuesday, February 7."
If it is found impossible to attend, a note of regrets, something like the following, should be sent:[Pg 255]
If it’s impossible to attend, a note of regret, like the following, should be sent:[Pg 255]
"Miss Milton regrets that intended absence from home (or whatever may be the preventing cause) prevents her accepting Mrs. Blair's kind invitation for February 7."
"Miss Milton regrets that her planned absence from home (or whatever the reason may be) prevents her from accepting Mrs. Blair's kind invitation for February 7."
The invitation to a large party is similar to that for a ball, only the words "at a ball" are omitted, and the hour may be earlier. The notes of acceptance and regret are the same as for a ball. If the party is a small one, it should be indicated by inserting the words, "to a small evening party," so that there may be no misunderstanding. A large party calls for full evening dress, and it would be embarrassing for a lady or gentleman to go to a house in full evening dress, expecting to find a large party there in similar costumes, and meet only a few friends and acquaintances plainly dressed. If there is any special feature which is to give character to the evening, it is best to mention this fact in the note of invitation. Thus the words "musical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," "amateur theatricals," will denote the character of the evening's entertainment. If you have programmes, enclose one in the invitation.
The invitation to a big party is like one for a ball, just without the words "at a ball," and the time might be earlier. The notes of acceptance and regrets are the same as for a ball. If the party is a small gathering, it should be noted by adding the words, "to a small evening party," to avoid any confusion. A large party requires full evening attire, and it would be awkward for someone to show up in formal wear, expecting a big gathering, only to find just a few friends and acquaintances in casual clothes. If there’s a special theme or activity planned for the evening, it's best to mention this in the invitation. Phrases like "musical party," "to take part in dramatic readings," or "amateur theatricals" will clarify what kind of entertainment to expect. If you have programs, include one with the invitation.
An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend a concert, lecture, theatre, opera or other amusement, may read as follows:
An invitation from a guy to a girl to attend a concert, lecture, theater, opera, or other entertainment might say something like this:
"Mr. Hayden would be pleased to have Miss Morton's company to the Academy of Music, on Monday evening, November 8, when 'Richelieu' will be played by Edwin Booth's Company."
"Mr. Hayden would be happy to have Miss Morton join him at the Academy of Music on Monday evening, November 8, when 'Richelieu' will be performed by Edwin Booth's Company."
An invitation of this kind demands an immediate answer of acceptance or regrets. A previous engagement may be a reason for rejection.
An invitation like this requires a quick response, either accepting or declining. Having a prior commitment can be a valid reason to decline.
These are written in the name of the husband and wife, and demand an immediate reply. This form may be used:
These are written in the names of the husband and wife and ask for an immediate response. You can use this format:
"Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen's company at dinner, on Tuesday, the 13th of January, at 7 o'clock."
"Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen's company at dinner on Tuesday, January 13th, at 7 PM."
A note of acceptance may read as follows:
A note of acceptance might say the following:
"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on Tuesday, the 13th inst., at 7 o'clock."
"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen happily accept Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's generous invitation to have dinner with them on Tuesday, the 13th, at 7 o'clock."
A note of regret may read:
A remorseful note might say:
"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen regret exceedingly that sickness in the family (or whatever the cause may be) prevents the acceptance of Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's kind invitation to dine with them on Tuesday, January 13th."
"Mr. and Mrs. Horace Allen are very sorry that illness in the family (or whatever the reason might be) prevents them from accepting Mr. and Mrs. Eugene Snow's generous invitation to dinner on Tuesday, January 13th."
An invitation to a tea-drinking may be less formal and should partake more of the nature of a private note; thus:
An invitation to tea can be more casual and should feel like a personal note; like this:
"Dear Miss Brock: Some friends are coming to drink tea with me on Thursday, and I should be glad of the pleasure of your company also. Please do not disappoint me."
"Dear Miss Brock: Some friends are coming over for tea on Thursday, and I would love for you to join us as well. Please don't let me down."
An invitation of this informal nature needs no reply, unless "R.S.V.P." is appended, in which case the [Pg 257]answer must be returned, if possible, by the messenger who brought it, or sent at once, as your friend may depend upon having a certain number of people at her tea-drinking, and if you cannot go, she will want to supply your place.
An invitation like this doesn’t require a reply, unless "R.S.V.P." is included. In that case, the [Pg 257]response should be returned, if possible, by the messenger who delivered it, or sent right away. Your friend will be counting on a specific number of guests for her tea party, and if you can’t make it, she’ll need to fill your spot.
Invitations of a less formal character are sent for charades, private theatricals, and for archery, croquet, sailing and garden parties; but, however informal the invitation (except only when a visiting card is used) on no account neglect to give immediate attention to it, by sending an acceptance or a regret, for any want of courtesy in this respect is unpardonable.
Invitations for casual events like charades, private plays, archery, croquet, sailing, and garden parties are sent out. However informal the invitation may be (unless it's just a visiting card), it’s crucial to respond right away, either with an acceptance or a regret. Failing to do so is considered very disrespectful.
All invitations requiring answers should be answered as soon as possible after receiving them. The French have a saying, applicable to all notes of invitation, to the effect that it is as important to reply as promptly to a note requiring an answer, as it is to a question in speaking. All refined people who are accustomed to the best social forms, consider that it would be an unpardonable negligence to omit for a single day replying to an invitation or a note requiring a reply.
All invitations that need a response should be answered as soon as possible after you receive them. The French have a saying that applies to all invitation notes, emphasizing that replying promptly to a note that asks for an answer is just as important as responding to a question in conversation. All sophisticated people who are used to the best social etiquette believe it would be completely unacceptable to wait even one day to reply to an invitation or a note that requires a response.
In accepting dinner invitations, repeat the hour and day named in your letter of acceptance, in order that if any mistake has been made it may be corrected.
In accepting dinner invites, restate the time and date mentioned in your acceptance letter so that any mistakes can be fixed.
Promptly acknowledge all attentions you receive, such as receiving presents of books, flowers, etc.[Pg 258]
Promptly acknowledge all the gestures you receive, like getting gifts of books, flowers, etc.[Pg 258]
The expression "presents compliments" has become obsolete in the writing of invitations. The expression "kind" or "very kind" invitation has taken the place of "polite," in notes of acceptance or regret. Be particular to distinguish between "go" and "come," you go to a friend's house and your friend comes to your house.
The phrase "presents compliments" is no longer used in writing invitations. Instead, we now say "kind" or "very kind" invitation instead of "polite" in notes of acceptance or regret. Make sure to differentiate between "go" and "come"; you go to a friend's house and your friend comes to your house.
Invitations for parties and entertainments of a formal nature, can be sent out for a week or two weeks before the entertainment is to take place. A notice of not less than one week is expected for such invitations. They should be printed or engraved on small note paper or large cards, with the envelopes to match, with no colors in the monogram, if one is used.
Invitations for formal parties and events can be sent out one to two weeks before the event takes place. A minimum of one week's notice is expected for these invitations. They should be printed or engraved on small note paper or large cards, with matching envelopes, and no colors in the monogram, if one is used.
It is not considered good form to have one card of invitation answer for several persons belonging to the same family, or to address an invitation "Mrs. Blank and family," as it indicates a scarcity of cards. One card or invitation may be sent to Mr. and Mrs. Blank, and one each to the several members of the family who are to be invited.
It’s not considered polite to use one invitation card for multiple people in the same family, or to address an invitation as "Mrs. Blank and family," since it suggests a lack of cards. You can send one invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Blank, and individual invitations to each family member you want to invite.
The least formal, of formal invitations, is when a lady sends or leaves her own visiting card with the invitation [Pg 259]upon it. An invitation of this kind need not be answered unless an "R.S.V.P." (Respondez s'il vous plait), is on the card. You go or not, as you please, but if you do not go, you call, or leave a card as soon after as is convenient.
The least formal type of formal invitation is when a lady sends or leaves her own visiting card with the invitation [Pg 259] on it. You don't have to reply unless there's an "R.S.V.P." (Respondez s'il vous plait) on the card. You can choose whether to go or not, but if you decide not to attend, you should call or leave a card as soon as it's convenient.
Uncivil and curt, not to say rude, answers are sometimes returned to invitations, more frequently the result of carelessness in their writers than of premeditated rudeness.
Uncivil and abrupt, if not downright rude, replies are sometimes given to invitations, more often due to the carelessness of the people who write them than intentional disrespect.
"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown regret that they cannot accept Mrs. Smith's invitation for Wednesday evening,"
"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown regret that they cannot accept Mrs. Smith's invitation for Wednesday evening,"
is a rude form of regret.
is a disrespectful way of expressing regret.
"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown decline Mrs. Moses Smith's invitation for Friday evening,"
"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown are unable to accept Mrs. Moses Smith's invitation for Friday evening,"
is a still ruder form.
is a even ruder form.
A curt and thoughtless reply is:
A short and careless response is:
"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown's compliments and regrets for Friday evening."
"Mr. and Mrs. Adam Brown send their regards and regrets for Friday evening."
"All regrets from persons who are not able to accept invitations, should contain a reason for regretting," is a rule strictly observed in our best society, and is considered especially binding in answering a first invitation. If persons are in mourning, they regret that a recent bereavement prevents them from accepting. Those contemplating being absent from home, regret that contemplated absence from home prevents them from accept[Pg 260]ing. "A previous engagement" is made the excuse when there is an engagement either at home or away from it, and also when one has no inclination to accept; which makes it quite necessary for those who really regret their inability to accept, to mention what that engagement is.
"All regrets from people who can’t accept invitations should include a reason for not being able to attend," is a rule strictly followed in our best social circles and is particularly important when responding to a first invitation. If someone is in mourning, they express regret that a recent loss is preventing them from accepting. Those planning to be away from home regret that their planned absence is stopping them from attending. "A previous engagement" is used as an excuse when there is an actual engagement either at home or elsewhere and also when someone simply doesn’t want to accept; this makes it essential for those who genuinely regret their inability to attend to specify what that engagement is.
It seems hardly necessary to give the form of a letter from one member of a family to another. It is often the case that letters sent from home to an absent member are decidedly unsatisfactory, if not to a great extent of little interest outside of one or two facts mentioned. Consequently some hint as to what those letters should be, are here given. They should be written as though the writer were talking, using familiar expressions, and such peculiarities as the writer possesses in ordinary speech should find a place in the letter. The writer may speak of many trivial things at and about home, and gossipy matters in the neighborhood, and should keep the absent one posted upon all minor facts and occurrences, as well as the more important ones. The writer may make inquiries as to how the absent one is enjoying himself, whether he finds any place better than home, and ask such other questions as he may desire, concluding with sincere expressions of affection from various members of the family. The absent one may, in like manner, express himself freely on all subjects, describe his journey minutely, and speak of whatever he may feel deep interest in. In short, a family letter may be as gossipy as the writer can make it, without [Pg 261]much regard to an attempt at showy or dignified composition.
It hardly seems necessary to provide a template for a letter between family members. Often, letters sent from home to someone who’s away can be quite disappointing and, for the most part, limited in interest beyond a few details shared. Therefore, here are some suggestions for what those letters should include. They should be written like a conversation, using casual language and any quirks the writer has in their everyday speech. The writer can mention many everyday topics from home and juicy neighborhood gossip while keeping the absent family member updated on both minor happenings and significant events. The writer can also ask how the absent person is enjoying their time away, if they’ve found anywhere better than home, and any other questions they might have, ending with heartfelt messages from different family members. Similarly, the absent person can write back openly about anything on their mind, detail their trip, and share whatever they find intriguing. In short, a family letter can be as chatty as the writer wants, without much worry about trying to be fancy or formal.
This should be of a more dignified tone, contain less trivialities than the family letter, and should embrace matters that will be of interest to both. A letter of friendship should be answered in due time, according to the intimacy of the parties, but should not be delayed long enough to allow the friendship to cool, if there is a desire to keep it warm.
This should have a more dignified tone, include fewer trivialities than the family letter, and cover topics that will interest both parties. A letter of friendship should be responded to in a timely manner, depending on how close the individuals are, but should not be postponed long enough for the friendship to cool if there’s a desire to maintain it.
Of this it may be only said, that while it may be expressive of sincere esteem and affection, it should be of a dignified tone, and written in such a style, that if it should ever come under the eyes of others than the party to whom it was written, there may be found in it nothing of which the writer may be ashamed, either of silliness or of extravagant expression.
Of this, it can only be said that while it may show genuine respect and affection, it should have a dignified tone and be written in a way that, if it ever comes to the attention of anyone other than the intended recipient, there’s nothing in it that the writer would be ashamed of, whether it be due to silliness or excessive expression.
These should be brief and to the point, should be of plain chirography, and relate to the business in hand, in as few words and as clearly as possible. Begin at once without apology or explanation, and finish up the matter pertaining to the business. If an apology or explanation is due, it may be made briefly at the close of the letter, after the business has been attended to. A letter on business should be answered at once, or as soon as possible after receiving it.[Pg 262]
These should be short and straightforward, written in clear handwriting, and focused on the task at hand, using as few words and as clearly as possible. Get straight to the point without apologizing or explaining, and wrap up the business matter. If an apology or explanation is necessary, it can be added briefly at the end of the letter, after addressing the main topic. A business letter should be responded to immediately or as soon as possible after it’s received.[Pg 262]
It is allowable, in some cases, upon receiving a brief business letter, to write the reply on the same page, beneath the original letter, and return both letter and answer together.
It’s acceptable, in some cases, to write your reply on the same page as a brief business letter, right below the original letter, and send both the letter and the response together.
Among business letters may be classed all correspondence relating to business, applications for situations, testimonials regarding the character of a servant or employe, letters requesting the loan of money or an article, and letters granting or denying the favor; while all forms of drawing up notes, drafts and receipts may properly be included. The forms of some of these are here given.
Among business letters, we can include all correspondence related to business, job applications, references about someone's character, letters asking for a loan of money or an item, and letters either granting or denying such requests. Additionally, all types of notes, drafts, and receipts can be properly included. The formats for some of these are provided here.
A letter of this kind should be short, and written with care and neatness, that the writer may both show his penmanship and his business-like qualities, which are often judged of by the form of his letter. It may be after this fashion:
A letter like this should be brief and written carefully and neatly, allowing the writer to demonstrate both their handwriting and their professionalism, which are often assessed by the layout of their letter. It might look something like this:
Lord & Noble,
DDear Sirs:
Having heard that you are in need of more assistance in your establishment (or store, office) I venture to ask you for employment. I can refer you to Messrs. Jones & Smith, my late employers, as to my qualifications, should you decide to consider my application.
Having heard that you need more help in your business (or store, office), I’d like to ask if you have any job openings. I can provide references from Mr. Jones & Mr. Smith, my previous employers, regarding my qualifications if you decide to look at my application.
James Roberts.
Dear Madam: Sarah Riley, having applied to me for the position of cook, refers me to you for a character. I feel particularly anxious to obtain a good servant for the coming winter, and shall therefore feel obliged by your making me acquainted with any particulars referring to her character, and remain, madam,
Dear Ma'am: Sarah Riley has applied to me for the cook position and has referred me to you for a character reference. I'm especially eager to find a reliable servant for the upcoming winter, so I would appreciate it if you could share any details regarding her character. Thank you, madam,
Mrs. George Stone.
To Mrs. Alfred Stark.
To Mrs. Alfred Stark.
Mrs. George Stone,
Dear Madam: It gives me pleasure to say that Sarah Riley lived with me for two years, and during that time I found her active, diligent and efficient. She is a superior cook, and I have full confidence in her honesty. I feel that I can recommend her with full confidence of her being likely to give you satisfaction. I am, madam,
Dear Ma'am: I'm pleased to say that Sarah Riley lived with me for two years, and during that time, I found her to be active, hardworking, and efficient. She is an excellent cook, and I trust her completely. I feel confident in recommending her, knowing she is likely to meet your expectations. I am, madam,
Mrs. Alfred Stark.
Ms. George Stone,
Dear Madam: In replying to your note of inquiry, I beg to inform you that Sarah Riley, who lived with me in the capacity of cook, left my services because I did not find her temper and habits in all respects satisfactory. She was thoroughly competent as a cook, but in other respects I cannot conscientiously recommend her. I remain,
Dear Ma'am: In response to your inquiry, I would like to inform you that Sarah Riley, who worked for me as a cook, left my employment due to her temper and habits not being entirely satisfactory. She was highly skilled in cooking, but I cannot wholeheartedly recommend her in other aspects. I remain,
Mrs. Alfred Stark.
The following are forms of notes, drafts, receipts, etc.:[Pg 264]
The following are types of notes, drafts, receipts, etc.:[Pg 264]
Sixty days after date, I promise to pay Samuel Archover, or order, at my office in Cincinnati, five hundred dollars, value received.
Sixty days from today, I promise to pay Samuel Archover, or his order, at my office in Cincinnati, five hundred dollars, value received.
Promissory Note With Interest but not Negotiable.
For value received, I promise to pay Daniel Cartright one hundred and twenty-five dollars and thirty cents, on August 12th next, with interest at seven per cent. after January 1, 1881.
For value received, I promise to pay Daniel Cartright $125.30 on August 12th next, with interest at 7% after January 1, 1881.
A Negotiable Note Payable to Bearer.
Thirty days after date, for value received, I promise to pay Silas G. Smithers, or bearer, at my office in Detroit, seventy-five dollars with interest from date.
Thirty days from today, for value received, I promise to pay Silas G. Smithers, or whoever has this note, at my office in Detroit, seventy-five dollars plus interest from today.
Form of a Receipt.
Received from James O. Mitchell, twenty-five dollars, to apply on account.
Received from James O. Mitchell, $25, to apply to the account.
Form of a Draft, Time from Sight.
At ten days sight, pay to the order of J. Smith &
Co., one thousand dollars, and charge the same to
the account of Shepard & Niles
At ten days notice, pay J. Smith & Co. one thousand dollars, and charge it to the account of Shepard & Niles
To Samuel Stoker & Co.,
Indianapolis, Ind.
To Samuel Stoker & Co.,
Indianapolis, IN.
A Draft or Order "Without Grace."
At sight, without grace, pay to F. B. Dickerson & Co., one hundred and seventy-five dollars, and charge to the account of H.S. Morehouse.
At sight, without grace, pay to F. B. Dickerson & Co., one hundred seventy-five dollars, and charge it to the account of H.S. Morehouse.
To Traders' National Bank,
Cincinnati, Ohio.
To Traders' National Bank, Cincinnati, Ohio.
Form of a Bill.
Four volumes History of France, at $2.50 per volume, $10.00.
Four volumes of History of France, priced at $2.50 each, total $10.00.

CHAPTER XXIII.
General Rules of Conduct.

N society, everybody should receive equal attention, the young as well as the old. A high authority says, "If we wish our young people to grow up self-possessed and at ease, we must early train them in those graces by giving them the same attention and consideration we do those of maturer years. If we snub them, and systematically neglect them, they will acquire an awkwardness and a deprecatory manner, which will be very difficult for them to overcome."
Physical education is indispensable to every well-bred man and woman. A gentleman should not only know how to fence, to box, to ride, to shoot and to swim, but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully, and how to dance, if he would enjoy life to the utmost. A graceful carriage can best be attained by the aid of a drilling master, as dancing and boxing are taught. A [Pg 267]man should be able to defend himself from ruffians, if attacked, and also to defend women from their insults. Dancing and calisthenics are also essential for a lady, for the better the physical training, the more graceful and self-possessed she will be. Every lady should know how to dance, whether she intends to dance in society or not. Swimming, skating, archery, games of lawn-tennis, and croquet, riding and driving, all aid in strengthening the muscles and giving open air exercise, and are therefore desirable recreations for the young of both sexes.
Physical education is essential for every well-mannered man and woman. A gentleman should not only know how to fence, box, ride, shoot, and swim, but he should also know how to carry himself gracefully and how to dance if he wants to enjoy life to the fullest. A graceful posture can best be achieved with the help of an instructor, just like dancing and boxing are taught. A [Pg 267]man should be able to defend himself from attackers and also protect women from insults. Dancing and fitness exercises are also vital for a lady, as better physical training leads to more grace and confidence. Every lady should know how to dance, whether she plans to dance socially or not. Swimming, skating, archery, lawn tennis, croquet, riding, and driving all help strengthen muscles and provide outdoor exercise, making them great activities for young people of both genders.
Awkwardness of attitude is a mark of vulgarity. Lolling, gesticulating, fidgeting, handling an eye-glass, a watch-chain or the like, gives an air of gaucherie. A lady who sits cross-legged or sidewise on her chair, who stretches out her feet, who has a habit of holding her chin, or twirling her ribbons or fingering her buttons; a man who lounges in his chair, nurses his leg, bites his nails, or caresses his foot crossed over on his knee, shows clearly a want of good home training. Each should be quiet and graceful, either in their sitting or standing position, the gentleman being allowed more freedom than the lady. He may sit cross-legged if he wishes, but should not sit with his knees far apart, nor with his foot on his knee. If an object is to be indicated, you must move the whole hand, or the head, but never point the finger.[Pg 268]
Awkwardness in behavior is a sign of crudeness. Slouching, making overly dramatic gestures, fidgeting, playing with a pair of glasses, a watch chain, or something similar gives off an air of clumsiness. A woman who sits with her legs crossed or off to the side, stretches her feet out, rests her chin on her hand, plays with her ribbons, or fiddles with her buttons; a man who slouches in his chair, rests his leg on his other knee, bites his nails, or rubs his foot resting over his knee clearly indicates a lack of proper upbringing. Both should sit or stand quietly and gracefully, with gentlemen having more leeway than ladies. He can sit cross-legged if he likes, but shouldn’t spread his knees too wide or put his foot on his knee. If you need to point out something, use your whole hand or your head to gesture, but avoid pointing with your finger.[Pg 268]
Coughing, sneezing, clearing the throat, etc., if done at all, must be done as quickly as possible. Snuffing, hawking and expectorating must never be done in society. A sneeze can be checked by pressing the thumb or fingers firmly across the bridge of the nose. If not checked, the face should be buried in the handkerchief, during the act of sneezing, for obvious reasons.
Coughing, sneezing, clearing your throat, and similar actions should be done as discreetly as possible. Sniffing, clearing your throat loudly, and spitting should never happen in public. If you feel a sneeze coming on, you can hold it back by pressing your thumb or fingers against the bridge of your nose. If you can't hold it back, you should cover your face with a handkerchief while sneezing, for obvious reasons.
Anecdotes should be seldom brought into a conversation. Puns are always regarded as vulgar. Repartee should be indulged in with moderation, and never kept up, as it degenerates into the vulgarity of an altercation.
Anecdotes should rarely be brought up in a conversation. Puns are often seen as tacky. Witty exchanges should be enjoyed in moderation and never carried on for too long, as they can turn into the crudeness of an argument.
The breath should be kept sweet and pure. Onions are the forbidden fruit, because of their offensiveness to the breath. No gentleman should go into the presence of ladies smelling of tobacco.
The breath should be fresh and clean. Onions are off-limits because they make your breath smell bad. No gentleman should be around ladies smelling like tobacco.
It is neither respectful nor polite to smoke in the presence of ladies, even though they have given permission, nor should a gentleman smoke in a room which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. In those homes when the husband is permitted to smoke in any room of the house, the sons will follow the father's example, and the air of the rooms becomes like that of a public house.[Pg 269]
It's neither respectful nor polite to smoke in front of women, even if they have given permission. A gentleman also shouldn't smoke in a room that women often use. In households where the husband is allowed to smoke in any room, the sons will likely follow his example, and the air in those rooms ends up smelling like a bar.[Pg 269]
Suppression of undue emotion, whether of laughter, of anger, or of mortification, of disappointment, or of selfishness in any form, is a mark of good breeding.
Suppressing inappropriate emotions, whether it's laughter, anger, embarrassment, disappointment, or any form of selfishness, is a sign of good manners.
To be a good listener is almost as great an art as to be a good talker; but it is not enough only to listen, you must endeavor to seem interested in the conversation of those who are talking. Only the low-bred allow their impatience to be manifest.
To be a good listener is almost as much of an art as being a good speaker; but it's not enough just to listen—you also need to appear engaged in the conversation of those who are talking. Only the rude let their impatience show.
Give precedence to those older or of higher social position than yourself, unless they required you to take the precedence, when it is better to obey than to refuse. Be more careful to give others their rank of precedence than to take your own.
Give priority to those who are older or of higher social standing than you, unless they ask you to take precedence, in which case it's better to comply than to refuse. Be more mindful of honoring others' ranks than focusing on your own.
Always express your own opinions with modesty, and, if called upon, defend them, but without that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do not enter into argument. Having spoken your mind, and thus shown you are not cowardly in your beliefs and opinions, drop the subject and lead to some other topic. There is seldom any profit in idle discussion.[Pg 270]
Always share your opinions with humility, and if asked, defend them, but without any intensity that might create resentment. Avoid getting into arguments. Once you’ve expressed your thoughts and shown that you stand firm in your beliefs, change the topic and move on. There’s rarely any benefit in pointless debates.[Pg 270]
A lady in company should never exhibit any anxiety to sing or play: but being requested to do so, if she intends to comply, she should do so at once, without waiting to be urged. If she refuses, she should do so in a manner that shall make her decision final. Having complied, she should not monopolize the evening with her performances, but make room for others.
A woman in a social setting should never seem eager to sing or play music. However, if asked to participate and she agrees, she should do so right away without waiting for further encouragement. If she declines, her refusal should be clear and definite. Once she has performed, she shouldn't dominate the evening but should allow space for others to join in.
Emerson says: "Our tokens of love are for the most part barbarous, cold and lifeless, because they do not represent our life. The only gift is a portion of thyself. Therefore let the farmer give his corn; the miner his gem; the sailor coral or shells; the painter his picture, and the poet his poem." To persons of refined nature, whatever the friend creates takes added value as part of themselves—part of their lives, as it were, having gone into it. People of the highest rank, abroad, will often accept, with gratitude, a bit of embroidery done by a friend, a poem inscribed to them by an author; a painting executed by some artist; who would not care for the most expensive bauble that was offered them. Mere costliness does not constitute the soul of a present; it is the kind feeling that it manifests which gives it its value. People who possess noble natures do not make gifts where they feel neither affection nor respect, but their gifts are bestowed out of the fullness of kind hearts.[Pg 271]
Emerson says: "Most of our symbols of love are pretty rough, impersonal, and lifeless because they don’t truly reflect our lives. The only real gift is a piece of yourself. So let the farmer give his corn, the miner his gem, the sailor coral or shells, the painter his painting, and the poet his poem." For people with refined sensibilities, whatever a friend creates carries extra meaning as part of themselves—essentially, a piece of their life has gone into it. People of the highest status, when traveling, will often gratefully accept a handmade item from a friend, a poem dedicated to them by an author, or a painting by an artist; they wouldn’t care much for the most expensive trinket offered to them. Just being expensive doesn’t give a gift its soul; it's the kind sentiment behind it that gives it value. People with noble character don’t give gifts where they feel no affection or respect; instead, their gifts come from the depth of their kind hearts.[Pg 271]
A present should be acknowledged without delay, but you must not follow it quickly by a return. It is to be taken for granted that a gift is intended to afford pleasure to the recipient, not to be regarded as a question of investment or exchange. Never allude to a present you have given, unless you have reason to believe that it has not been received by the person to whom it was sent.
A gift should be acknowledged right away, but you shouldn’t quickly return it. It’s understood that a gift is meant to bring happiness to the person receiving it, not to be seen as a matter of investment or trade. Never bring up a gift you’ve given unless you have a reason to think it hasn’t been received by the intended person.
Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from gentlemen who are neither related nor engaged to them, nor indebted to them for some marked favors. A married lady may accept presents from a gentleman who is indebted to her for hospitality.
Unmarried women shouldn't accept gifts from men who are not related to them, engaged to them, or owe them for specific favors. A married woman can accept gifts from a man who is grateful for her hospitality.
In presenting a book to a friend, do not write in it the name of the person to whom it is given. But this is a rule better honored in its breach than in its observance, when the giver of the book is its author.
In giving a book to a friend, don't write the name of the person it's for inside it. However, this is a rule that's often broken more than it's followed, especially when the person giving the book is the author.
Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman, should be in the name of both herself and her husband.
Presents given by a married woman to a man should be in the names of both her and her husband.
Never refuse a present if offered in kindness, unless the circumstances are such that you cannot, with propriety, receive it. Nor, in receiving a present, make such comments as would seem to indicate that your friend cannot afford to make the present. On the other hand, never make a present which you cannot afford to make. In that case the recipient, if he or she knows anything of your circumstances, will think that you had better kept it yourself.[Pg 272]
Never decline a gift offered with kindness, unless the situation makes it inappropriate to accept it. Also, when accepting a gift, avoid comments that suggest your friend can't afford to give it. Conversely, don’t give a gift that you can't afford. In that case, the recipient—if they're aware of your situation—might think you should have kept it for yourself.[Pg 272]
We should subdue our gloomy moods before we enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should we afflict them with any dismal account of our health, state of mind or outward circumstances. Nevertheless, if another makes us the confidant of his woes, we should strive to appear sympathetic, and if possible help him to be stronger under them. A lady who shows by act, or expresses in plain, curt words, that the visit of another is unwelcome, may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite. But she is, in reality, worse. She is grossly selfish. Courtesy requires her, for the time being, to forget her own feelings, and remember those of her visitor, and thus it is her duty to make that visitor happy while she remains.
We should manage our bad moods before we go out and interact with others. It's our responsibility to look friendly and speak kindly. We shouldn't burden them with any negative stories about our health, mindset, or life situation. However, if someone confides in us about their struggles, we should try to be understanding and help them cope better. A woman who shows, through her actions or blunt words, that she doesn't want someone to visit may think she’s being honest. But in reality, she is being very selfish. Good manners require her to set aside her own feelings for a while and consider those of her guest, making it her duty to make that guest feel welcome during their time together.
When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in her phaeton, he should walk to her house, if he accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being great, she should propose to call for him. In that case he will be on the watch, so as not to keep her waiting, and, if possible, meet her on the way.
When a woman offers to drive a man in her carriage, he should walk to her house if he accepts the invitation, unless the distance is too far and she offers to pick him up. In that case, he'll be ready to ensure he doesn’t keep her waiting and, if he can, meet her along the way.
An invitation, once given, cannot be recalled, even from the best motives, without subjecting the one who recalls it to the charge of being either ignorant or regardless of all conventional rules of politeness. There [Pg 273]is but one exception to this rule, and that is when the invitation has been delivered to the wrong person.
An invitation, once given, can’t be taken back, even for the best reasons, without making the person who takes it back look either clueless or disrespectful of the usual rules of politeness. There [Pg 273]is only one exception to this rule, and that’s if the invitation was sent to the wrong person.
Avoid speaking of your birth, your travels and of all personal matters, to those who may misunderstand you, and consider it boasting. When induced to speak of them, do not dwell too long upon them, and do not speak boastfully.
Avoid talking about your birth, your travels, and any personal matters to people who might misunderstand you and think you're bragging. If you're prompted to discuss these topics, don’t spend too much time on them, and avoid sounding arrogant.
Do not speak of absent persons, who are not relatives or intimate friends, by their Christian names or surnames, but always as Mr. ——, or Mrs. ——, or Miss ——. Never name anyone by the first letter of his name, as "Mr. C." Give a foreigner his name in full when speaking of him.
Do not refer to people who are not family or close friends by their first or last names; always use Mr. —, Mrs. —, or Miss —. Never mention someone using just the first letter of their name, like "Mr. C." When talking about a foreigner, use their full name.
Gossip and tale-bearing are always a personal confession either of malice or imbecility. The young of both sexes should not only shun these things, but, by the most thorough culture, relieve themselves from all temptation in that direction.
Gossiping and spreading rumors are always a personal admission of either spitefulness or foolishness. Young people of both genders should not only avoid these actions but also, through comprehensive personal development, protect themselves from all temptation in that area.
A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat on in the presence of ladies. Indeed, a gentleman instinctively removes his hat as soon as he enters a room, the habitual resort of ladies. A gentleman never retains [Pg 274]his hat in a theatre or other place of public entertainment.
A gentleman never sits inside with his hat on when ladies are present. In fact, a gentleman instinctively takes off his hat as soon as he enters a room where ladies usually gather. A gentleman never keeps his hat on in a theater or any other public entertainment venue.
Never affect superiority. In the company of an inferior never let him feel his inferiority. If you invite an inferior as your guest, treat him with all the politeness and consideration you would show an equal.
Never act superior. When you're with someone who is less experienced or knowledgeable, don’t make them feel inferior. If you invite someone who is less fortunate as your guest, treat them with the same politeness and respect you would offer to an equal.
Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Sacredly respect the private property of others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry into letters, desks, packets, trunks, or other belongings of another. It is ill-mannered to read a written paper lying upon a table or desk; whatever it may be, it is certainly no business of yours. No person should ever look over the shoulder of another who is reading or writing. You must not question a servant or child upon family affairs. Never betray an implied confidence, even if you have not been bound to secrecy.
Never enter a private room anywhere without knocking. Always respect other people's privacy and don't let curiosity lead you to snoop through letters, desks, bags, trunks, or any of their belongings. It's rude to read a document left on a table or desk; no matter what it is, it’s not your business. You should never look over someone else's shoulder while they're reading or writing. Don't question a servant or a child about family matters. Never break an unspoken trust, even if you haven't been explicitly asked to keep it a secret.
Nothing is more rude than to make an engagement, be it of business or pleasure, and break it. If your memory is not sufficiently retentive to keep all the engagements you make, carry a little memorandum book, and enter them there.
Nothing is more rude than making a commitment, whether it’s for business or leisure, and then breaking it. If you struggle to remember all your commitments, keep a small notebook and jot them down.
Chesterfield says: "As learning, honor and virtue are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and [Pg 275]admiration of mankind, politeness and good-breeding are equally necessary to make you welcome and agreeable in conversation and common life. Great talents, such as honor, virtue, learning and arts, are above the generality of the world, who neither possess them themselves, nor judge of them rightly in others; but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner; because they feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing."
Chesterfield says: "Since learning, honor, and virtue are essential for earning people's respect and admiration, politeness and good manners are just as important for being welcomed and enjoyable in conversations and everyday life. Great qualities like honor, virtue, knowledge, and skills are beyond what most people possess or accurately recognize in others; however, everyone can evaluate the simpler qualities like civility, friendliness, and a considerate, pleasant way of interacting because they experience the positive effects of these traits, which make social interactions easy and enjoyable."
Conform your conduct as far as possible to the company you chance to be with, only do not throw yourself into improper company. It is better even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that it do not degenerate into indecency, than to set yourself up as better, and better-mannered than those with whom you may chance to be associated. True politeness and genuine good manners often not only permit but absolutely demand a temporary violation of the ordinary obligations of etiquette.
Fit your behavior as much as you can to the people you’re with, but avoid getting involved with the wrong crowd. It's often better to laugh along and participate in something a bit crude, as long as it doesn't cross into being inappropriate, than to act as if you’re superior or more refined than those around you. Real politeness and true good manners sometimes not only allow but actually require a temporary break from the usual rules of etiquette.
Let no man speak a word against a woman at any time, or mention a woman's name in any company where it should not be spoken. "Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, "is particularly due to all women; and remember that no provocation whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil to every woman; and the greatest man [Pg 276]would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have against the superior strength of ours."
Let no man say anything negative about a woman at any time, or mention a woman's name in any setting where it shouldn't be said. "Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, "is especially owed to all women; and remember that no amount of provocation can excuse any man from being polite to every woman; and the greatest man [Pg 276]would rightly be considered a brute if he wasn't polite to the least of women. It is due to their gender, and it's the only protection they have against our superior strength."
Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I beg your pardon, but I think you are mistaken or misinformed," or some such similar phrase which shall break the weight of direct contradiction. Where the matter is unimportant it is better to let it pass without correction.
Never directly contradict anyone. Say, "I’m sorry, but I think you might be mistaken or misinformed," or something similar that softens the impact of direct contradiction. If the issue isn't significant, it's better to let it go without correction.
You should be exceedingly cautious about expressing an unfavorable opinion relative to a young lady to a young man who appears to be attracted by, and attentive to her. If they should marry, the remembrance of your observations will not be pleasurable to yourself nor the married parties.
You should be very careful about sharing negative opinions about a young woman with a young man who's clearly interested in her. If they end up getting married, your comments will not be pleasant for you or for the couple.
If a person checks himself in a conversation, you should not insist on hearing what he intended to say. There is some good reason for checking himself, and it might cause him unpleasant feelings to urge him to carry out his first intentions.
If someone holds back in a conversation, you shouldn’t push them to reveal what they were going to say. There’s likely a good reason for their hesitation, and pressuring them to share their initial thoughts could lead to uncomfortable feelings.
Some of the acts which may be classed as vulgarities when committed in the presence of others are given:
Some actions that might be considered rude when done in front of others are listed:
To sit with your back to a person, without asking to be excused.[Pg 277]
To sit with your back to someone without asking to be excused.[Pg 277]
To stand or sit with the feet wide apart.
To stand or sit with your feet spread wide apart.
To hum, whistle or sing in suppressed tones.
To hum, whistle, or sing quietly.
To stand with the arms akimbo; to lounge or yawn, or to do anything which shows disrespect, selfishness or indifference.
To stand with your arms crossed; to hang out or yawn, or to do anything that shows disrespect, selfishness, or indifference.
To correct inaccuracies in the statements of others, or their modes of speech.
To fix inaccuracies in what others say or how they express themselves.
To use profane language, or stronger expression than the occasion justifies.
To use bad language or stronger expressions than the situation calls for.
To chew tobacco and its unnecessary accompaniment, spitting, are vulgar in the extreme.
To chew tobacco and its pointless addition, spitting, are extremely vulgar.
A gentleman precedes a lady passing through a crowd; ladies precede gentlemen under ordinary circumstances.
A man goes ahead of a woman when they walk through a crowd; women usually go ahead of men in normal situations.
Give your children, unless married, their Christian names only, or say "my daughter" or "my son," in speaking of them to any one except servants.
Give your children, unless they are married, only their first names, or refer to them as "my daughter" or "my son" when speaking about them to anyone except for staff.
Ladies in escorting each other, never offer to take the arm.
Ladies escorting each other never offer to take each other's arm.
Acknowledge an invitation to stop with a friend, or any unusual attention without delay.
Acknowledge an invitation to hang out with a friend, or any unexpected attention, right away.
Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any superior advantages you may possess.
Never brag about your background, wealth, friends, or any advantages you might have.
Never ridicule others, be the object of your ridicule present or absent.
Never make fun of others, whether they are there or not.
Always show respect for the religious opinions and observances of others, no matter how much they may differ from your own.[Pg 278]
Always respect the religious beliefs and practices of others, even if they are very different from your own.[Pg 278]
You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails or pick your nose in company.
You should never scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails, or pick your nose around other people.
Never lean your head against the wall, as you may disgust your wife or hostess by soiling the paper of her room.
Never lean your head against the wall, as you might gross out your wife or hostess by dirtying the wallpaper in her room.
Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a room.
Never slam a door or stomp loudly when you enter a room.
Always be punctual. You have no right to waste the time of others by making them wait for you.
Always be on time. You have no right to waste other people's time by making them wait for you.
Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her glove and perform any little service she may seem to require.
Always offer a chair to a lady, pick up her glove, and do any small service she might need.
Never attract attention to yourself by talking or laughing loudly in public gatherings.
Never draw attention to yourself by speaking or laughing loudly in public meetings.
Keep yourself quiet and composed under all circumstances. Do not get fidgety. If you feel that time drags heavily, do not let this be apparent to others by any visible sign of uneasiness.
Keep yourself calm and composed in every situation. Don’t get antsy. If you feel like time is dragging, don’t let others see any signs of your discomfort.
Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence of others. You pay them a poor compliment if you thus forget them.
Refrain from being distracted when you're around others. Ignoring them like this is a disservice to them.
Never refuse to accept an apology for an offense, and never hesitate to make one, if one is due from you.
Never turn down an apology for a wrongdoing, and always be ready to offer one if you owe it.
Never answer another rudely or impatiently. Reply courteously, at whatever inconvenience to yourself.
Never respond to someone rudely or impatiently. Always reply politely, even if it inconveniences you.
Never intrude upon a business man or woman in business hours unless you wish to see them on business.
Never interrupt a business person during work hours unless you want to discuss business.
Never engage a person in private conversation in presence of others, nor make any mysterious allusions which no one else understands.[Pg 279]
Never talk to someone in private when others are around, nor make any vague comments that nobody else gets.[Pg 279]
On entering a room, bow slightly as a general salutation, before speaking to each of the persons assembled.
On entering a room, give a slight bow as a general greeting before speaking to each person present.
Do not seem to notice by word or glance, the deformity of another.
Do not show by word or glance that you notice someone else's flaws.
To administer reproof to anyone in the presence of others is very impolite. To scold at any time is unwise.
To criticize someone in front of others is really rude. Yelling at someone at any time is not smart.
Never undertake a commission for a friend and neglect to perform it.
Never take on a job for a friend and fail to complete it.
Never play a practical joke upon anyone, or answer a serious remark by a flippant one.
Never play a practical joke on anyone, or respond to a serious comment with a sarcastic one.
Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep such a book a single day after you are done with it.
Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep it for even a day after you’re finished with it.
Never pass between two persons who are talking together; and never pass before persons when it is possible to pass behind them. When such an act is absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing.
Never walk between two people who are having a conversation, and try not to walk in front of people when you can go around behind them. If you absolutely have to do it, make sure to apologize for it.
"Never speak of a man's virtues before his face, or his faults behind his back," is a maxim to be remembered.
"Never talk about a man's good qualities to his face, or his flaws behind his back," is a saying to keep in mind.
Another maxim is, "In private watch your thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in society watch your tongue."
Another saying goes, "In private, be mindful of your thoughts; with your family, be mindful of your temper; in social situations, be mindful of your words."
Never address a mere acquaintance by his or her Christian name. It is a presumption at which the acquaintance may take offense.
Never call someone you barely know by their first name. It's presumptuous, and the person might be offended.
Haughtiness and contempt are among the habits to be avoided. The best way is to deal courteously with the rude as well as with the courteous.
Haughtiness and contempt are habits to steer clear of. The best approach is to treat both the rude and the polite with courtesy.
In the presence of others, talk as little of yourself as possible, or of the business or profession in which you are engaged.[Pg 280]
When you're around other people, try to say as little about yourself as you can, or about the work you're involved in.[Pg 280]
It shows a want of courtesy to consult your watch, either at home or abroad. If at home, it appears as though you were tired of your company, and wished them to be gone. If abroad, it appears as though the hours dragged heavily, and you were calculating how soon you would be released.
It shows a lack of courtesy to check your watch, whether you're at home or out. If you're at home, it looks like you're tired of your company and want them to leave. If you're out, it seems like the time is dragging on and you're just waiting to see when you'll be free.
Do not touch or handle any of the ornaments in the house where you visit. They are intended to be admired, not handled by visitors.
Do not touch or handle any of the decorations in the house you’re visiting. They are meant to be admired, not handled by guests.
Do not read in company. A gentleman or lady may, however, look over a book of engravings or a collection of photographs with propriety.
Do not read in groups. However, a gentleman or lady may casually browse through a book of engravings or a collection of photographs without it being inappropriate.
Every species of affectation should be avoided, as it is always detected, and exceedingly disagreeable.
Every kind of pretension should be avoided, as it’s always noticeable and really unpleasant.
Mr. Sparks, in his biography of Washington, has given to the public a collection of Washington's directions as to personal conduct, which he called his "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We give these rules entire, as the reader may be interested in learning the principles which governed the conduct of the "Father of his Country."
Mr. Sparks, in his biography of Washington, has shared a collection of Washington's guidance on personal conduct, which he titled "Rules of Civility and Decent Behavior in Company." We provide these rules in full, as the reader may be interested in understanding the principles that guided the behavior of the "Father of his Country."
Every action in company ought to be with some sign of respect to those present.
Every action in the company should show some level of respect for those who are present.
In the presence of others sing not to yourself with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers or feet.
In front of others, don’t sing to yourself quietly, and don’t tap your fingers or feet.
Speak not when others speak, sit not when others stand, and walk not when others stop.
Don’t talk when others are talking, don’t sit when others are standing, and don’t walk when others are stopped.
Turn not your back to others, especially in speaking; [Pg 281]jog not the table or desk on which another reads or writes; lean not on anyone.
Don't turn your back on others, especially when talking; [Pg 281] don't bump the table or desk where someone else is reading or writing; don't lean on anyone.
Be no flatterer, neither play with anyone that delights not to be played with.
Be genuine and don't mess around with anyone who doesn't enjoy being teased.
Read no letters, books or papers in company; but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must not leave. Come not near the books or writings of anyone so as to read them unasked; also look not nigh when another is writing a letter.
Don't read letters, books, or papers around other people; but if you have to, don't walk away while doing it. Don't approach someone else's books or writings to read them without permission; also, don't look over someone's shoulder when they are writing a letter.
Let your countenance be pleasant, but in serious matters somewhat grave.
Let your face be friendly, but in serious situations, a bit serious.
Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.
Do not show happiness at someone else's misfortune, even if they are your enemy.
They that are in dignity or office have in all places precedency, but whilst they are young, they ought to respect those that are their equals in birth or other qualities, though they have no public charge.
People in positions of authority have precedence everywhere, but while they are still young, they should respect those who are their equals in background or other qualities, even if they don’t hold any public office.
It is good manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above us.
It’s polite to prioritize the people we’re talking to over ourselves, especially if they are in a higher position.
Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.
Keep your conversations with business people brief and to the point.
In visiting the sick do not presently play the physician if you be not knowing therein.
In visiting the sick, don’t pretend to be a doctor if you’re not knowledgeable about it.
In writing or speaking, give to every person his due title according to his degree and the custom of the place.
In writing or speaking, give everyone their proper title according to their rank and the local customs.
Strive not with your superiors in argument, but always submit your judgment to others with modesty.
Strive not to argue with your betters, but always share your opinions with humility.
Undertake not to teach your equal in the art he himself professes; it savors arrogancy.
Do not try to teach someone who is your equal in the skill they already know; it comes off as arrogant.
When a man does all he can though it succeeds not well, blame not him that did it.
When a person does everything they can, even if it doesn't turn out well, don't blame them for trying.
Being to advise or reprehend anyone, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private, presently or at some other time, also in what terms to do it; and in [Pg 282]reproving show no signs of choler, but do it with sweetness and mildness.
When you need to give advice or criticism to someone, think about whether it should be done publicly or privately, immediately or later, and how you should say it. And in [Pg 282] your criticism, don't show any anger; instead, do it gently and kindly.
Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; break no jests that are sharp or biting, and if you deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from laughing thereat yourself.
Don't make fun of or joke about anything important; avoid sharp or hurtful jokes, and if you say something clever or funny, try not to laugh at it yourself.
Wherein you reprove another be unblamable yourself, for example is more prevalent than precept.
Wherever you correct someone else, make sure you're blameless yourself, because example is more powerful than instruction.
Use no reproachful language against any one, neither curses or revilings.
Use no harsh words against anyone, neither curses nor insults.
Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of anyone.
Don't be quick to believe rumors that put anyone down.
In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to accommodate nature rather than procure admiration. Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil and orderly with respect to time and place.
In your clothing, be modest, and try to follow nature instead of seeking admiration. Stick to the style of your peers, who are respectful and appropriate according to the time and place.
Play not the peacock, looking everywhere about you to see if you be well decked, if your shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and clothes handsomely.
Don't act like a peacock, constantly checking to see if you look good, if your shoes fit well, if your socks are neat, and if your clothes are stylish.
Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.
Surround yourself with good people if you value your reputation, because it's better to be alone than to be in bad company.
Let your conversation be without malice or envy, for it is a sign of a tractable and commendable nature; and in all cases of passion admit reason to govern.
Let your conversations be free of malice or jealousy, as these traits indicate a flexible and admirable character; and in all situations of emotion, let reason take the lead.
Be not immodest in urging your friend to discover a secret.
Do not be pushy in encouraging your friend to uncover a secret.
Utter not base and frivolous things amongst grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to be believed.
Do not speak trivial or silly things around educated adults, nor raise very difficult questions or topics in front of those who lack knowledge, nor bring up things that are hard to believe.
Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth nor at the table; speak not of melancholy things, as death and wounds; and if others mention them, change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your dreams but to your intimate friends.[Pg 283]
Don't talk about sad things when it’s a joyful time or at the dinner table; avoid discussing gloomy topics like death and injuries. If others bring them up, try to change the subject if you can. Share your dreams only with your closest friends.[Pg 283]
Break not a jest when none take pleasure in mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to be some cause.
Don't make jokes when no one is in the mood for laughter. Don't laugh out loud or at all unless there's a reason to. Don't mock anyone's misfortunes, even if it seems justified.
Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occasion.
Don't use hurtful words, whether joking or serious. Don't mock anyone, even if they give you a reason to.
Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pensive when it is time to converse.
Don't be pushy, but be friendly and polite; be the first to greet others, listen, and respond, and don't be shy when it's time to chat.
Detract not from others, but neither be excessive in commending.
Don't put others down, but also don't go overboard in praising them.
Go not thither where you know not whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked; and when desired, do it briefly.
Do not go to places where you're unsure if you'll be welcome. Don't give advice unless someone asks for it; and when you do, keep it brief.
If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your opinions; in things indifferent be of the major side.
If two people are arguing, don't take sides without thinking, and don't be stubborn in your beliefs; in matters that don't really matter, side with the majority.
Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for that belongs to parents, masters and superiors.
Don't criticize the flaws of others, as that's the responsibility of parents, teachers, and those in higher positions.
Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of others, and ask not how they came. What you may speak in secret to your friend deliver not before others.
Do not focus on the flaws or imperfections of others, and don’t ask how they got them. What you share in private with your friend, do not reveal in front of others.
Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, but in your own language; and that as those of quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters treat seriously.
Don't speak in a foreign language when you're with others; use your own language instead, and do it like people of quality do, not like the common folks. Handle serious topics with the seriousness they deserve.
Think before you speak; pronounce not imperfectly, nor bring out your words too heartily, but orderly and distinctly.
Think before you speak; don’t speak unclearly, and don’t force your words out too much, but do so in an orderly and clear manner.
When another speaks, be attentive yourself, and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his words, help him not, nor prompt him without being desired; interrupt him not, nor answer him till his speech be ended.
When someone else is speaking, listen carefully and don’t disturb the audience. If someone hesitates in their words, don’t help them or prompt them unless they ask for it; don’t interrupt them or respond until they’ve finished speaking.
Treat with men at fit times about business, and whisper not in the company of others.[Pg 284]
Talk to men about business at appropriate times, and don't whisper in front of others.[Pg 284]
Make no comparisons; and if any of the company be commended for any brave act of virtue, commend not another for the same.
Make no comparisons; and if anyone in the group is praised for a brave act of virtue, don't praise someone else for the same thing.
Be not apt to relate news if you know not the truth thereof. In discoursing of things that you have heard, name not your author always. A secret discover not.
Don't be quick to share news if you don't know the truth of it. When talking about things you've heard, don't always name your source. Don't reveal a secret.
Be not curious to know the affairs of others, neither approach to those who speak in private.
Don't be nosy about other people's business, and don't come close to those who are talking privately.
Undertake not what you cannot perform; but be careful to keep your promise.
Don't commit to what you can't do; just be sure to keep your promise.
When you deliver a matter, do it without passion and indiscretion, however mean the person may be you do it to.
When you handle a situation, do it without emotion and carelessness, no matter how unlikable the person is that you’re dealing with.
When your superiors talk to anybody, hear them; neither speak nor laugh.
When your bosses talk to anyone, listen to them; don’t talk or laugh.
In disputes be not so desirous to overcome as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major part, especially if they are judges of the dispute.
In disagreements, don't be so eager to win that you don't allow everyone to share their thoughts and agree to the decision of the majority, especially if they are the ones judging the matter.
Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of discourse.
Don’t be boring when you talk, avoid going off on tangents, and don’t keep bringing up the same topic.
Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust.
Speak no ill of those who aren't here, because it's unfair.
Be not angry at table, whatever happens; and if you have reason to be so show it not; put on a cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish a feast.
Don't get angry at the table, no matter what happens; and if you have a reason to be, don't show it. Put on a cheerful face, especially if there are strangers around, because good humor can make even one dish feel like a feast.
Set not yourself at the upper end of the table; but if it be your due, or the master of the house will have it so, contend not, lest you should trouble the company.
Don't sit at the head of the table unless it's your place or the host wants it that way. Don't argue about it, or you might disrupt the gathering.
When you speak of God or his attributes, let it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey your natural parents.
When you talk about God or his qualities, do it with seriousness, respect, and honor, and also listen to your parents.
Let your recreations be manful, not sinful.
Let your pastimes be noble, not immoral.
Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.[Pg 285]
Work to keep that little spark of heavenly fire known as conscience alive in your heart.[Pg 285]
CHAPTER XXIV.
Anniversary Weddings.

HE custom of celebrating anniversary weddings has, of late years, been largely practiced, and they have become a very pleasant means of social reunion among the relatives and friends of both husband and wife. Often this is the only reason for celebrating them, and the occasion is sometimes taken advantage of to give a large party, of a more informal nature than could be given under other circumstances. The occasion becomes one of the memorable events in the life of the couple whose wedding anniversary is celebrated. It is an occasion for recalling the happy event which brought to each a new existence, and changed the current of their lives. It is an occasion for them to receive congratulations upon their past married life, and wishes for many additional years of wedded bliss.
Upon these occasions the married couple sometimes appear in the costumes worn by them on their wedding [Pg 286]day, which they have preserved with punctilious care, and when many years have intervened the quaintness and oddity of the style of dress from the prevailing style is a matter of interest, and the occasion of pleasant comments. The couple receive their guests together, who upon entering the drawing-room, where they are receiving, extend to them their congratulations and wishes for continued prosperity and happiness. The various anniversaries are designated by special names, indicative of the presents suitable on each occasion, should guests deem it advisable to send presents. It may be here stated that it is entirely optional with parties invited as to whether any presents are sent or taken. At the earlier anniversaries, much pleasantry and amusement is occasioned by presenting unique and fantastic articles, gotten up for the occasion. When this is contemplated, care should be taken that they should not be such as are liable to give offense to a person of sensitive nature.
On these occasions, the married couple sometimes wear the outfits they had on their wedding day, which they've kept in perfect condition. After many years, the unique style of their attire stands out from current trends, sparking interest and enjoyable conversation. They greet their guests together, who, upon entering the drawing-room where they’re hosting, offer their congratulations and best wishes for ongoing prosperity and happiness. Each anniversary has a special name that suggests appropriate gifts for the occasion, should guests choose to send any. It’s important to note that it's completely up to the invited guests whether they send or bring gifts. For the earlier anniversaries, there's a lot of fun and amusement in giving quirky and unusual gifts made just for the celebration. When considering such gifts, care should be taken to ensure they won't offend someone who is sensitive.
The first anniversary of the wedding-day is called the Paper Wedding, the second the Cotton Wedding, and the third the Leather Wedding. The invitations to the first should be issued on a grey paper, representing thin cardboard. Presents, if given should be solely articles made of paper.
The first anniversary of the wedding day is called the Paper Wedding, the second the Cotton Wedding, and the third the Leather Wedding. Invitations for the first should be sent out on gray paper, symbolizing thin cardboard. Gifts, if given, should only be items made of paper.
The invitations for the cotton wedding should be neatly printed on fine white cloth, and presents should be of articles of cotton cloth.[Pg 287]
The invitations for the cotton wedding should be nicely printed on high-quality white fabric, and gifts should be made of cotton materials.[Pg 287]
For the leather wedding invitations should be issued upon leather, tastily gotten up, and presents, of course, should be articles made of leather.
For the leather wedding invitations, they should be made of leather, tastefully designed, and the gifts, of course, should be items made of leather.
The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. The invitations should be upon thin cards of wood, or they may be written on a sheet of wedding note paper, and a card of wood enclosed in the envelope. The presents suitable to this occasion are most numerous, and may range from a wooden paper knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a complete set of parlor or kitchen furniture.
The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of the marriage. The invitations should be on thin wooden cards, or they can be written on a sheet of wedding stationery, with a wooden card enclosed in the envelope. The gifts appropriate for this occasion are quite varied and can range from a wooden paper knife or small kitchen item to a complete set of living room or kitchen furniture.
The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called the tin wedding. The invitations for this anniversary may be made upon cards covered with a tin card inclosed. The guests, if they desire to accompany their congratulations with appropriate presents, have the whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner's art from which to select.
The tenth anniversary of a marriage is known as the tin wedding. Invitations for this anniversary can be made on cards that include a tin card inside. Guests, if they want to add appropriate gifts to their congratulations, have a full list of items created by the tinner's craft to choose from.
The crystal wedding is the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations may be on thin, transparent paper, or colored sheets of prepared gelatine, or on ordinary wedding note-paper, enclosing a sheet of mica. The guests make their offerings to their host and hostess of trifles of glass, which may be more or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined.[Pg 288]
The crystal wedding marks the fifteenth anniversary. Invitations can be made on thin, clear paper, colored sheets of gelatin, or regular wedding stationery, including a piece of mica. Guests typically bring small glass gifts for the hosts, which can vary in value depending on what the giver chooses.[Pg 288]
The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anniversary of the wedding-day. Invitations should be issued on exceedingly fine, semi-transparent note-paper or cards. Various articles for the dining or tea-table or for the toilet-stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all are appropriate on this occasion.
The china wedding takes place on the twentieth anniversary of the wedding day. Invitations should be sent out on very nice, semi-transparent stationery or cards. Various items for the dining or tea table, or for the vanity, such as vases or mantel decorations, are all appropriate for this occasion.
The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth marriage anniversary. The invitations issued for this wedding should be upon the finest note-paper, printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. If presents are offered by any of the guests, they should be of silver, and may be the merest trifles, or more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the donors incline.
The silver wedding celebrates the twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. The invitations for this occasion should be printed on high-quality stationery in bright silver, featuring a monogram or crest on both the paper and the envelope, also in silver. If guests choose to give presents, they should be made of silver, and can range from simple items to more pricey gifts, depending on the donors' preferences and budgets.
The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings round the appropriate time for the golden wedding. Fifty years of married happiness may indeed be crowned with gold. The invitations for this anniversary celebration should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold, with crest or monogram on both paper and envelopes in highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any are offered, are also in gold.[Pg 289]
The end of fifty years of marriage is the perfect time for a golden wedding. Fifty years of marital bliss can truly be celebrated in style. The invitations for this anniversary party should be printed on high-quality paper in gold, featuring a crest or monogram in shiny gold on both the paper and envelopes. Any gifts given should also be in gold.[Pg 289]
Rarely, indeed, is a diamond wedding celebrated. This should be held on the seventy-fifth anniversary of the marriage-day. So seldom are these occurrences that custom has sanctioned no particular style or form to be observed in the invitations. They might be issued upon diamond-shaped cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding shape. There can be no general offering of presents at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number are beyond the means of most persons.
Rarely, if ever, is a diamond wedding celebrated. This should take place on the seventy-fifth anniversary of the wedding day. These events are so uncommon that tradition hasn’t established a specific style or format for the invitations. They could be sent out on diamond-shaped cards, placed in envelopes of the same shape. There isn’t typically a general gift-giving at such a wedding, as diamonds in any quantity are beyond the budget of most people.
It is not, as before stated, required that an invitation to an anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable gift, or indeed by any. The donors on such occasions are usually only members of the family or intimate friends, and may act at their own discretion in the matter of giving presents.
It is not, as mentioned earlier, necessary for an anniversary wedding invitation to be acknowledged with an expensive gift, or even any gift at all. The people giving gifts on these occasions are usually just family members or close friends, and they can choose for themselves whether or not to give presents.
On the occasion of golden or silver weddings, it is not amiss to have printed at the bottom of the invitation the words "No presents," or to enclose a card announcing—
On the occasion of golden or silver weddings, it’s perfectly fine to print at the bottom of the invitation the words "No gifts," or to include a card stating—
"It is preferred that no wedding gifts be offered."
"It’s best if no wedding gifts are given."
The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary something in their wording, according to the fancy of the writer, but they are all similar. They should give the date of the marriage and the anniversary. They [Pg 290]may or may not give the name of the husband at the right-hand side and the maiden name of the wife at the left. What the anniversary is should also be indicated.
The wording of anniversary wedding invitations can differ based on the style of the writer, but they all share similarities. They should include the date of the marriage and the anniversary. They [Pg 290] may or may not list the husband’s name on the right side and the wife’s maiden name on the left. It should also be clear what anniversary is being celebrated.
The following form will serve as a model:
The following form will act as a model:

A proper variation will make this form equally suitable for any of the other anniversary weddings.
A suitable variation will make this form just as appropriate for any of the other anniversary weddings.
It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony repeated at these anniversary weddings, especially at the silver or golden wedding. The earliest anniversaries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to introduce this ceremony. The clergyman who officiates may so change the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to render them appropriate to the occasion.[Pg 291]
It's quite common to have the wedding ceremony repeated at anniversary celebrations, particularly for silver or golden anniversaries. The earlier anniversaries are often considered too minor to hold this ceremony. The officiant may adjust the specific wording of the marriage vows to make them suitable for the occasion.[Pg 291]
CHAPTER XXV.
Births and Christenings.

PON the announcement of the birth of a child, the lady friends of the mother send her their cards, with inquiries after her health. As soon as she is strong enough to permit, the mother returns her own card to all from whom she received cards and inquiries, with "thanks for kind inquiries." Her lady friends then make personal visits, but gentlemen do not call upon the mother on these occasions. If they wish, they may pay their visits to the father, and inquire after the health of the mother and child.
It becomes an all-important matter to the parents, what name they shall give to the newly-born child, and as this is a matter which may also concern the latter at some future day, it becomes an object of solicitude, until a suitable name is settled upon. The custom in[Pg 292] Scotland is to name the first son after the father's father, and the first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the father, the second daughter after the mother, and succeeding children after other near relations. This perpetuates family names, and if they are persons whose names are regarded as worthy of perpetuation, it may be considered a good custom to follow. With some it is customary to name children after some renowned person, either living or dead. There are objections to this plan, however, for if the person be still living, he may commit some act which will bring opprobrium to his name, and so cause both the parent and child to be ashamed of bearing such a disgraced name. If the person after whom the child is named be dead, it may be that the child's character may be so entirely different from the person who formerly bore it, that the name shall be made a reproach or satire.
It becomes extremely important for parents to decide what name to give their newborn child, and since this decision may also impact the child in the future, it becomes a source of concern until a suitable name is chosen. The custom in[Pg 292] Scotland is to name the first son after the father's father and the first daughter after the mother's mother, the second son after the father, the second daughter after the mother, and subsequent children after other close relatives. This practice helps to keep family names alive, and if those names are considered worthy of being passed down, it can be a good tradition to maintain. Some people prefer to name their children after famous individuals, whether they are still alive or have passed away. However, there are drawbacks to this approach; if the person is still living, they might do something that brings shame to their name, which could lead to embarrassment for both the parent and the child. If the individual after whom the child is named is deceased, the child's character might be so different from that person’s that the name could become a point of ridicule or criticism.
The plan of reviving the old Saxon names has been adopted by some, and it has been claimed that the names of Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred, Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others of the Saxon names are pleasant sounding and strong, and a desirable contrast to the Fannies, Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Sadies, and other petty diminutives which have taken the place of better sounding and stronger names.
The idea of bringing back the old Saxon names has been taken up by some people, and it has been said that names like Edgar, Edwin, Arthur, Alfred, Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, and many others from the Saxon era are nice to hear and have a strong presence. They present a welcome change from names like Fannie, Mamie, Minnie, Lizzie, Sadie, and other trivial diminutives that have replaced more appealing and robust names.
The christening and the baptism usually occur at the same time, and are regulated according to the practices [Pg 293]of the special church where the parents attend worship. As these are quite varied, it will be sufficient only to indicate the forms and customs which society imposes at such times.
The christening and baptism typically happen together and are guided by the customs [Pg 293]of the specific church the parents go to. Since these customs can differ quite a bit, it's enough to point out the traditions and practices that society places on these occasions.
In the Episcopal Church there are two, and sometimes three, godparents or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two godfathers and one godmother. If a girl, two godmothers and one godfather. The persons selected for godparents should be near relatives or friends of long and close standing, and should be members of the same church into which the child is baptized. The maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather usually act as sponsors for the first child, the maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother for the second. A person invited to act as godparent should not refuse without good reason. If the grandparents are not selected, it is an act of courtesy to select the godmother, and allow her to designate the godfather. Young persons should not stand sponsors to an infant; and none should offer to act unless their superior position warrants them in so doing.
In the Episcopal Church, there are usually two, and sometimes three, godparents or sponsors. If the child is a boy, there are two godfathers and one godmother. If it's a girl, there are two godmothers and one godfather. The people chosen as godparents should be close relatives or long-time friends and should be members of the same church where the child is being baptized. Typically, the maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather serve as sponsors for the first child, while the maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother take on this role for the second child. If someone is invited to be a godparent, they should only refuse for a good reason. If the grandparents aren’t chosen, it’s polite to select a godmother and let her choose the godfather. Young people should not be sponsors for infants, and no one should volunteer for this role unless they are in a position to do so.
The sponsors must make their godchild a present of some sort—a silver mug, a knife, spoon and fork, a handsomely-bound bible, or perhaps a costly piece of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The godfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and the godmother the christening robe and cap.[Pg 294]
The sponsors need to give their godchild a gift of some kind—a silver mug, a knife, spoon, and fork, a nicely bound Bible, or maybe an expensive piece of lace or embroidery that's appropriate for babies. The godfather can give a cup with the name engraved, while the godmother provides the christening robe and cap.[Pg 294]
Upon entering the church the babe is carried first in the arms of its nurse. Next come the sponsors, and after them the father and mother, if she is able to be present. The invited guests follow. In taking their places the sponsors stand, the godfather on the right and the godmother on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the sponsors for the child?" the proper persons should merely bow their heads without speaking.
Upon entering the church, the baby is carried first in the arms of its nurse. Next come the sponsors, followed by the father and mother, if she is able to be there. The invited guests follow. As they take their places, the sponsors stand, with the godfather on the right and the godmother on the left of the child. When the question is asked, "Who are the sponsors for the child?" the appropriate people should simply bow their heads without saying anything.
In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place at as early a date as possible. If the child does not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for at once, and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bedside. If, on the other hand, the child is healthy, it is taken to the church within a few days after its birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of baptism is usually deferred until the mother is able to be present. If the ceremony is performed at home, a carriage must be sent for the clergyman, and retained to convey him back again after the ceremony is concluded. A luncheon may follow the christening, though a collation of cake and wine will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the duty of the godfather to propose the health of the infant.
In the Roman Catholic Church, baptism happens as soon as possible. If the child appears weak, a priest is called right away, and the ceremony is conducted at the mother's bedside. However, if the child is healthy, it's taken to the church within a few days after birth. In Protestant churches, the baptism is typically postponed until the mother can be present. If the ceremony takes place at home, a carriage must be arranged to bring the clergyman and then return him after the service is done. A lunch may follow the christening, but just serving cake and wine is enough to meet etiquette requirements. It's the godfather's responsibility to toast the baby's health.
Friends invited to a christening should remember the babe in whose honor they convene, by some trifling gift.[Pg 295] Gentlemen may present an article of silver, ladies something of their own manufacture.
Friends invited to a christening should remember the baby they're celebrating with a small gift.[Pg 295] Men could give a silver item, while women might bring something they made themselves.
It should be remembered that the baby is the person of the greatest importance on these occasions, and the guests should give it a large share of attention and praise. The parents, however, must not make this duty too onerous to their guests by keeping a tired, fretful child on exhibition. It is better to send it at once to the care of the nurse as soon as the ceremony is over.
It should be remembered that the baby is the most important person at these events, and the guests should give it plenty of attention and compliments. However, the parents shouldn't burden their guests by keeping a tired, cranky baby on display. It's better to hand the baby over to the nurse as soon as the ceremony ends.
Though the Church performs the ceremony of baptism gratuitously, the parents should, if they are able, make a present to the officiating clergyman, or, through him a donation to the poor of the neighborhood.
Though the Church performs the baptism ceremony for free, parents should, if they can, give a gift to the officiating clergyman or, through him, make a donation to the local poor.

CHAPTER XXVI.
Funerals.

HE saddest of all ceremonies is that attendant upon the death of relatives and friends, and it becomes us to show, in every possible way, the utmost consideration for the feelings of the bereaved, and the deepest respect for the melancholy occasion. Of late the forms of ostentation at funerals are gradually diminishing, and by some people of intelligence, even mourning habiliments are rejected in whole or in part.
It is customary in cities to give the notice of death and announcement of a funeral through the daily newspapers, though sometimes when such announcement may not reach all friends in time, invitations to the funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In villages where there is no daily paper, such invitations are often issued.[Pg 297]
It's common in cities to announce a death and funeral details in daily newspapers, but sometimes, if that announcement doesn't reach all friends quickly enough, invitations to the funeral are sent to personal and family friends of the deceased. In villages without a daily paper, these invitations are often issued instead.[Pg 297]
Private invitations are usually printed on fine small note paper, with a heavy black border, and in such form as the following:
Private invitations are usually printed on high-quality small note paper, featuring a bold black border, and in a style similar to the following:

When an announcement of a death is sent to a friend or relative at a distant point, it is usual to telegraph or to write the notice of death, time and place of funeral, to allow the friend an opportunity to arrive before the services.
When someone passes away, it's common to send a message, either by telegram or in writing, to inform a friend or relative who lives far away. This message typically includes the details of the death, as well as the time and place of the funeral, giving the friend a chance to attend before the services.
It is a breach of good manners not to accept an invitation to a funeral, when one is sent.
It's bad manners not to accept a funeral invitation when you're given one.
It is customary to trust the details of the arrangements for the funeral to some relative or friend of the family, and if there be no friend who can perform this [Pg 298]duty, it can be safely left with the undertaker to perform the painful duties of master of ceremonies. It is prudent to name a limit for the expenses of the funeral, and the means of the family should always govern these. Pomp and display should always be avoided, as they are out of keeping with the solemn occasion, and inconsistent with real grief. At the funeral some one should act as usher to seat the friends who attend.
It’s common to trust the details of the funeral arrangements to a family member or friend, and if there isn’t anyone available, it’s perfectly fine to leave it to the funeral director to handle the difficult responsibilities of coordinating the service. It’s wise to set a budget for the funeral expenses, and the family's financial situation should always guide these decisions. Extravagance should be avoided, as it doesn’t match the serious nature of the occasion and is inconsistent with genuine sorrow. At the funeral, someone should be designated as an usher to help seat the attending friends.
Upon entering the house of mourning, a gentleman should always remove his hat in the hall, and not replace it until he is about to depart. No calls of condolence should be made upon the bereaved family while the dead remains in the house, and members of the family may be excused from receiving any but their most intimate friends at that time.
Upon entering a home where someone has passed away, a gentleman should always take off his hat in the hallway and not put it back on until he's about to leave. No visits to offer condolences should be made to the grieving family while the deceased is still in the house, and family members can choose not to receive anyone except their closest friends during that time.
There should be no loud talking or confusion while the body remains in the house. All differences and quarrels must be forgotten in the house of mourning, and personal enemies who meet at a funeral must treat each other with respect and dignity. The bell knob or door handle is draped with black crape, with a black ribbon tied on, if the deceased is married or advanced in years, and with a white ribbon, if young or unmarried.
There shouldn't be any loud talking or chaos while the body is in the house. All differences and arguments must be set aside in a place of mourning, and personal enemies who come together at a funeral should treat each other with respect and dignity. The door handle or bell knob is covered with black fabric and tied with a black ribbon if the deceased was married or older, and with a white ribbon if they were young or unmarried.
If the services are held at the house, some near friend or relative will receive the guests. The immediate members of the family and near relatives should take a [Pg 299]final view of the corpse just before the arrival of the guests, and should not make their appearance again until the services are about to commence. It is becoming customary now to reserve a room of the house adjoining that in which the services are held, for the exclusive use of the near relatives and members of the family during the services. Then the clergyman takes his position at the door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests arrive, they are requested to take a last look at the corpse before seating themselves, and upon the conclusion of the services the coffin lid is closed, and the remains are borne to the hearse. The custom of opening the coffin at the church to allow all who attend to take a final look at the corpse, is rapidly coming into disfavor. The friends who desire it are requested to view the corpse at the house, before it is taken to the church.
If the services are held at home, a close friend or relative will greet the guests. The immediate family members and close relatives should take a [Pg 299]final look at the body just before the guests arrive and should not come out again until the services are about to start. It's now common to set aside a room in the house next to where the services are held for the exclusive use of close relatives and family members during the services. The clergyman stands at the door between the two rooms while conducting the services. As guests arrive, they are asked to take a last look at the body before finding their seats, and at the end of the services, the coffin lid is closed, and the remains are taken to the hearse. The practice of opening the coffin in the church so everyone can take a final look at the body is quickly falling out of favor. Friends who want to see the body are encouraged to do so at the house before it is taken to the church.
If, however, the deceased is a person of great prominence in the community, and the house is not able to accommodate the large numbers who desire to take a last look at the face of the deceased, then, perhaps, it may be well that the coffin should be opened at the church.
If the deceased is someone well-known in the community, and the house can't hold all the people wanting to pay their respects, then it might be a good idea to open the coffin at the church.
The pall-bearers, usually six, but sometimes eight, when the deceased is a person of considerable prominence, are generally chosen from the intimate acquaintances of the deceased, and of nearly the same age. If they walk to the cemetery, they take their position in [Pg 300]equal numbers on either side of the hearse. If they ride, their carriage or carriages precede the hearse.
The pallbearers, usually six but sometimes eight for someone with a notable status, are typically selected from the close friends of the deceased, who are around the same age. If they walk to the cemetery, they stand in [Pg 300] equal numbers on either side of the hearse. If they travel by car, their vehicle or vehicles go ahead of the hearse.
The carriages containing the clergyman and pall-bearers precede the hearse, immediately following which are the carriages of the nearest relatives, more distant relatives and friends respectively. When societies or masonic bodies take part in the procession they precede the hearse.
The carriages with the clergyman and pallbearers lead the way, followed right behind by the hearse, and then come the carriages of the closest relatives, followed by more distant relatives and friends. When organizations or masonic groups join the procession, they go ahead of the hearse.
The horse of a deceased mounted military officer, fully equipped and draped in mourning, will be led immediately after the hearse. As the mourners pass out to enter the carriage, the guests stand with uncovered heads. No salutations are given or received. The person who officiates as master of ceremonies, assists the mourners to enter and alight from the carriages. At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in advance of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is near at hand and the procession goes on foot, the men should go with uncovered heads, if the weather permit, the hat being held in the right hand. Guests return to their respective homes after the services at the grave.
The horse of a deceased military officer, fully equipped and covered in mourning attire, will follow the hearse. As the mourners get into the carriage, the guests stand with their heads uncovered. No greetings are exchanged. The person acting as the master of ceremonies helps the mourners get in and out of the carriages. At the cemetery, the clergyman or priest walks in front of the coffin. In towns and villages where the cemetery is nearby and the procession is on foot, men should go with their heads uncovered, if the weather allows, holding their hats in their right hands. Guests return to their homes after the service at the grave.
The usual decorations of the coffin are flowers, tastefully arranged in a beautiful wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a married person, which are placed upon the coffin. These flowers should mostly be white. Near friends of the deceased may send beauti[Pg 301]ful floral devices, if they wish, as a mark of their esteem for the deceased, which should be sent in time to be used for decorative purposes.
The typical decorations for the coffin include flowers, nicely arranged in a lovely wreath for a child or young person, and a cross for a married individual, which are placed on top of the coffin. These flowers should mainly be white. Close friends of the deceased can send beautiful floral arrangements if they wish, as a sign of their respect for the deceased, and these should be sent in time to be used for decoration purposes.
A person of rank generally bears some insignia upon his coffin. Thus a deceased army or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash laid upon the lid. The regalia of a deceased officer of the Masonic or Odd Fellows' fraternity is often placed upon the coffin.
A person of rank usually has some symbols on their coffin. So, a deceased army or navy officer will have their coffin draped with the national flag, and their hat, epaulettes, sword, and sash placed on the lid. The regalia of a deceased officer from the Masonic or Odd Fellows' organization is often put on the coffin.
About a week after the funeral, friends call upon the bereaved family, and acquaintances call within a month. The calls of the latter are not repeated until cards of acknowledgment have been received by the family, the leaving of which announces that they are ready to see their friends. It is the custom for friends to wear no bright colors when making their calls of condolence. In making first calls of condolence, none but most intimate friends ask to see the family. Short notes of condolence, expressing the deepest sympathy, are usually accepted, and help to comfort stricken hearts. Formal notes of condolence are no longer sent. Those who have known anything of the unsounded depths of sorrow do not attempt consolation. All that they attempt to do is to find words wherein to express their deep sympathy with the grief-stricken ones.[Pg 302]
About a week after the funeral, friends visit the grieving family, and acquaintances come by within a month. Acquaintances don’t make repeat visits until the family has sent out acknowledgment cards, which signal that they’re ready to welcome friends. It’s customary for friends to wear muted colors when offering condolences. When making initial condolence visits, only very close friends typically request to see the family. Short condolence notes expressing sincere sympathy are generally appreciated and help to comfort those in distress. Formal condolence letters aren’t sent anymore. Those who have experienced deep sorrow don’t try to provide consolation; they only seek the right words to express their heartfelt sympathy for those who are grieving.[Pg 302]
No member of the immediate family of the deceased will leave the house between the time of the death and the funeral. A lady friend will be commissioned to make all necessary purchases, engage seamstresses, etc. It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom after a bereavement, however great it may be, and consequently no prescribed period of seclusion can be given. Real grief needs no appointed time for seclusion. It is the duty of every one to interest himself or herself in accustomed objects of care as soon as it is possible to make the exertion; for, in fulfilling our duties to the living, we best show the strength of our affection for the dead, as well as our submission to the will of Him who knows what is better for our dear ones than we can know or dream.
No immediate family member of the deceased should leave the house between the time of death and the funeral. A lady friend will be asked to handle all necessary purchases, hire seamstresses, and so on. It’s not helpful to wrap ourselves in sadness after a loss, no matter how significant, so there's no set period of isolation. True grief doesn’t require an assigned time for seclusion. It’s everyone's responsibility to engage with the usual things they care about as soon as they can make the effort; by taking care of our duties to the living, we best demonstrate our love for the deceased and our acceptance of what is known by Him who understands what’s best for our loved ones better than we can comprehend.

CHAPTER XXVII.
Washington Etiquette.

ERTAIN local rules have been recognized in society at Washington, from the fact that a gentleman's social position is acquired by virtue of certain offices which he holds, and the social status of woman is also determined by the official rank of her husband.
As the President of the United States holds the highest official rank in political life, so is he also by virtue of that office, awarded precedence in social life. There is no necessity of special formalities to form his acquaintance, and he receives calls without being under any obligation to return them. He may be addressed either as "Mr. President," or "Your Excellency." Sometimes he gives up the morning hours to receiving calls, and at such times precedence is given to such people as have business with him, over parties who go to make a formal call. In either case, the caller is shown to the room occupied by the President's secretaries, presents his card and waits his turn to be admitted. If the caller [Pg 304]has no business, but goes out of curiosity, he pays his respects and withdraws to make room for others. It is better in making a private call, to secure the company of some official or some friend of the President to introduce you.
As the President of the United States holds the highest official rank in politics, he is also given priority in social situations because of that position. There are no special formalities required to get to know him, and he takes calls without any obligation to return them. People can address him as either "Mr. President" or "Your Excellency." Sometimes, he spends his mornings receiving calls, and during those times, individuals with business matters take precedence over those who are just making a formal visit. In either case, the visitor is directed to the room where the President's secretaries are, presents their card, and waits their turn for entry. If the visitor [Pg 304]has no business and is simply curious, they should pay their respects and leave to make space for others. It’s advisable to bring along an official or a friend of the President to introduce you when making a private call.
Stated receptions are given at the White House by the President during sessions of congress, and all are at liberty to attend them. Sometimes these are morning, and sometimes evening, receptions. Upon entering the reception room, the caller gives his name to the usher, who announces it, and upon approaching the President is introduced, by some official to whom the duty is assigned, both to the President and to the members of his family who receive with him. The callers pass on, after being introduced, mingle in social intercourse and view the various rooms until ready to depart. If a caller wishes he may leave his card.
Stated receptions are held at the White House by the President during sessions of Congress, and everyone is welcome to attend. Sometimes these receptions take place in the morning, while other times they're in the evening. When entering the reception room, guests give their name to the usher, who announces it. As they approach the President, an official introduces them to him and to the family members who are receiving guests alongside him. After being introduced, guests move on, socialize, and explore the different rooms until they're ready to leave. If a guest wants, they can leave their card.
The same rules of etiquette prevail at state dinners given by the President as at any formal dinner, precedence being given to guests according to official rank and dignity. An invitation by the President must be accepted, and it is admissible to break any other engagement already made; however, it is necessary to explain the cause, in order to avoid giving offense. It is not regarded as discourteous to break an engagement for this reason.
The same rules of etiquette apply at state dinners hosted by the President as at any formal dinner, with guests being prioritized based on their official rank and status. An invitation from the President must be accepted, and it's acceptable to cancel any prior commitments; however, it's important to provide a reason to avoid offending anyone. It's not seen as rude to cancel for this reason.
The wife of the President is not under obligation to return calls, though she may visit those whom she [Pg 305]wishes to favor with such attentions. Other members of the President's family may receive and return calls.
The President's wife is not required to return calls, but she can visit anyone she [Pg 305]wants to show her attention to. Other members of the President's family can both receive and return calls.
As the New-Year's receptions at the White House are the most ceremonious occasions of the executive mansion, it is the custom of the ladies who attend them to appear in the most elegant toilets suited to a morning reception. Members of foreign legations appear in the court dresses of their respective countries on this occasion, in paying their respects to the President of the United States.
As the New Year’s receptions at the White House are the most formal events at the executive mansion, it’s customary for the attending ladies to wear the most elegant outfits appropriate for a morning reception. Members of foreign delegations dress in their country’s official attire to pay their respects to the President of the United States.
Next in rank to the President come the Chief Justice, the Vice-President and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. These receive first visits from all others. The General of the army and the Admiral of the navy come next in the order of official rank. Members of the House of Representatives call first on all the officials named. The wife of any official is entitled to the same social precedence as her husband. Among officers of the army and navy, the Lieutenant-General corresponds to the Vice-Admiral, the Major-General to Rear-Admiral, Brigadier-General to Commodore, Colonel to Captain in the navy, and so on through the lower grades.
Next in line after the President are the Chief Justice, the Vice President, and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. They receive priority visits from everyone else. The General of the Army and the Admiral of the Navy follow in the official ranking. Members of the House of Representatives typically visit all the officials mentioned first. The spouse of any official has the same social standing as their partner. Among military ranks, the Lieutenant General corresponds to the Vice Admiral, the Major General to Rear Admiral, Brigadier General to Commodore, Colonel to Navy Captain, and this pattern continues through the lower ranks.
The officers of the cabinet, comprising the Secretaries of State, the Treasury, the War, the Navy, the[Pg 306] Postmaster-General, the Secretary of the Interior and Attorney-General, expect to receive calls, and as all the officers are of the same rank and dignity, it is only on occasions of State ceremonies that an order of preference is observed, which is as above given. The wives of the cabinet officers, or the ladies of their household, have onerous social duties to perform. They hold receptions every Wednesday during the season, which lasts from the first of January to Lent, when their houses are open to all who choose to favor them with a call, and on these occasions refreshments are served. The ladies of the family are expected to return these calls, at which time they leave the card of the cabinet officer, and an invitation to an evening reception. The cabinet officers are expected to entertain Senators, Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of the diplomatic corps and distinguished visitors at Washington, as well as the ladies of their respective families. The visiting hours at the capital are usually from two until half-past five. The labor and fatigue which social duties require of the ladies of the family of a cabinet officer are fairly appalling. To stand for hours during receptions at her own house, to stand at a series of entertainments at the houses of others, whose invitation courtesy requires should be accepted, and to return in person calls made upon her, are a few of the duties of the wife of a cabinet officer.
The cabinet officers, including the Secretaries of State, Treasury, War, Navy, the Postmaster-General, the Secretary of the Interior, and the Attorney-General, expect to receive visitors. Since all the officers hold the same rank and status, an order of preference is only observed during official state ceremonies, as outlined above. The wives of the cabinet officers, or their household representatives, have significant social responsibilities. They host receptions every Wednesday during the season, which runs from January 1st to Lent, welcoming anyone who wishes to visit them, during which refreshments are served. The ladies of the household are expected to reciprocate these visits, leaving the cabinet officer's card and an invitation to an evening reception. Cabinet officers are also expected to host Senators, Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, foreign diplomats, and distinguished visitors to Washington, along with the ladies of their families. Visiting hours in the capital are generally from 2 PM to 5:30 PM. The demands and pressure that social obligations place on the wives of cabinet officers can be quite overwhelming. They must stand for hours at receptions in their own homes, attend multiple events hosted by others out of courtesy, and personally return calls made to them—these are just a few of the responsibilities facing the wife of a cabinet officer.
When writing to the different officials, the President is addressed "His Excellency, the President of the[Pg 307] United States;" the members of the cabinet "The Honorable, the Secretary of State," etc., giving each his proper title; the Vice-President, "The Honorable, the Vice-President of the United States." In a ceremonious note, words must not be abbreviated. In conversation the Speaker of the House of Representatives is addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a member of the cabinet as "Mr. Secretary;" a senator as "Mr. Senator;" a member of the House of Representatives as "Mister," unless he has some other title; but he is introduced as "The Honorable Mr. Burrows, of Michigan." The custom is becoming prevalent of addressing the wives of officials with the prefixed titles of their husbands, as "Mrs. General Sherman," "Mrs. Senator Thurman," "Mrs. Secretary Evarts."
When addressing different officials, the President is referred to as "His Excellency, the President of the[Pg 307] United States;" cabinet members are called "The Honorable, the Secretary of State," and so on, using each person’s official title. The Vice-President is addressed as "The Honorable, the Vice-President of the United States." In formal notes, words should not be shortened. During conversations, the Speaker of the House of Representatives is addressed as "Mr. Speaker;" a cabinet member as "Mr. Secretary;" a senator as "Mr. Senator;" and a House of Representatives member as "Mister," unless they have another title; but they are introduced as "The Honorable Mr. Burrows, of Michigan." There’s a growing trend of addressing the wives of officials using the titles of their husbands, such as "Mrs. General Sherman," "Mrs. Senator Thurman," and "Mrs. Secretary Evarts."
The custom of first visits or calls at the capital is that residents shall make the first call on strangers, and among the latter those arriving first upon those coming later. Foreign ministers, however, in order to make themselves known, call first upon the members of the cabinet, which is returned.
The tradition in the capital is that locals make the first visit to newcomers, and among the newcomers, those who arrive first visit those who come later. However, foreign ministers, to introduce themselves, make the first visit to the cabinet members, which is reciprocated.
It is entirely optional with Senators, Representatives and all other officials except the President and members of his cabinet, whether they entertain. They act upon their own pleasure in the matter.[Pg 308]
It’s totally up to Senators, Representatives, and all other officials, except for the President and his cabinet members, whether they host events. They make their own decisions about it.[Pg 308]
CHAPTER XXVIII.
Foreign Titles.

N this country, where everybody possesses one and the same title, that of a citizen of this Republic, no one can claim a superiority of rank and title. Not so in European countries, where the right of birth entitles a person to honor, rank and title. And as our citizens are constantly visiting foreign countries, it is well to understand something of titles and ranks and their order of precedence.
In England, the king and queen are placed at the top of the social structure. The mode by which they are addressed is in the form "Your Majesty."
In England, the king and queen are at the top of the social hierarchy. They are addressed as "Your Majesty."
The Prince of Wales, the heir-apparent to the throne, stands second in dignity. The other children are all known during their minority as princes and princesses. The eldest princess is called the crown princess. Upon their majority the younger sons have the title of duke [Pg 309]bestowed upon them, and the daughters retain that of princesses, adding to it the title of their husbands. They are all designated as "Their Royal Highnesses."
The Prince of Wales, who is the next in line for the throne, holds the second-highest status. The other children are all referred to as princes and princesses while they are still young. The oldest princess is known as the crown princess. When the younger sons reach adulthood, they are given the title of duke [Pg 309], while the daughters keep the title of princesses and add their husbands' titles. They are all called "Their Royal Highnesses."
A duke who inherits the title from his father, stands one grade below a royal duke. The wife of a duke is known as a duchess. They are both addressed as "Your Grace." The eldest son is a marquis until he inherits the higher title of his father. His wife is a marchioness. The younger sons are lords by courtesy, and the daughters are distinguished by having "Lady" prefixed to their Christian names. Earls and barons are both spoken of as lords and their wives as ladies, though the latter are by right respectively countesses and baronesses. The daughters of the former are "ladies," the younger sons of both "honorables." The earl occupies the higher position of the two in the peerage.
A duke who inherits his title from his father is one rank below a royal duke. The duke's wife is called a duchess. They are both addressed as "Your Grace." The eldest son is a marquis until he takes on his father's higher title. His wife is a marchioness. The younger sons are referred to as lords, and the daughters are distinguished by having "Lady" before their first names. Earls and barons are both known as lords, while their wives are called ladies, although they are technically countesses and baronesses. The daughters of earls are "ladies," and the younger sons of both are "honorables." The earl holds the higher rank of the two in the peerage.
These complete the list of nobility, unless we include bishops, who are lords in right of their ecclesiastical office, but whose title is not hereditary.
These wrap up the list of nobility, unless we count bishops, who are lords by virtue of their church position, but whose title isn’t passed down through inheritance.
All these are entitled to seats in the upper House of Parliament.
All these individuals are entitled to seats in the upper House of Parliament.
Baronets are known as "Sirs," and their wives receive the title of "Lady;" but they are only commoners of a higher degree, though there are families who have borne their title for many successive generations who would not exchange it for a recently created peerage.[Pg 310]
Baronets are addressed as "Sirs," and their wives are called "Lady;" however, they are just commoners of a higher status. Still, there are families that have held their title for many generations who wouldn't trade it for a newly created peerage.[Pg 310]
A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on an equality with all commoners, a bishop with all peers.
A clergyman, by virtue of his role, is equal to all commoners, and a bishop is equal to all nobles.
The title of Esquire, which is only an empty compliment in this country, has special significance in England. The following in that country have a legal right to the title:
The title of Esquire, which is just a meaningless title in this country, holds significant importance in England. In that country, the following individuals have a legal right to the title:
The sons of peers, whether known in common conversation as lords or honorables.
The sons of nobles, commonly referred to in everyday conversation as lords or honorable people.
The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest sons in perpetual succession.
The oldest sons of nobles' sons, along with their oldest sons, in an endless line of succession.
All the sons of baronets.
All the baronet's sons.
All esquires of the Knights of the Bath.
All squires of the Knights of the Bath.
Lords of manors, chiefs of clans and other tenants of the crown in capite are esquires by prescription.
Lords of manors, clan chiefs, and other crown tenants in capite are considered esquires by longstanding tradition.
Esquires created to that rank by patent, and their eldest sons in perpetual succession.
Esquires who attain that rank through patent, along with their eldest sons, carry this title in perpetual succession.
Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace while on the roll, mayors of towns during mayoralty, and sheriffs of counties (who retain the title for life).
Esquires by position, like justices of the peace while in service, mayors of towns during their term, and county sheriffs (who keep the title for life).
Members of the House of Commons.
Members of the House of Commons.
Barristers-at-law.
Barristers.
Bachelors of divinity, law and physic.
Bachelors in divinity, law, and medicine.
All who in commissions signed by the sovereign, are ever styled esquires retain that designation for life.
All those who are appointed by commissions signed by the sovereign are always referred to as esquires for life.
Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. The sons and daughters of the emperor of Austria are called [Pg 311]archdukes and archduchesses, the names being handed down from the time when the ruler of that country claimed for himself no higher title than that of archduke. The emperor of Russia is known as the czar, the name being identical with the Roman cæsar and the German kaiser. The heir-apparent to the Russian throne is the czarowitch.
Emperors and empresses hold a higher rank than kings. The sons and daughters of the emperor of Austria are called [Pg 311]archdukes and archduchesses, a title that has been passed down since the time when the ruler of that country only claimed the title of archduke. The emperor of Russia is referred to as the czar, a name that is the same as the Roman cæsar and the German kaiser. The heir to the Russian throne is called the czarovich.
Titles in continental Europe are so common and so frequently unsustained by landed and moneyed interests, that they have not that significance which they hold in England. A count may be a penniless scamp, depending upon the gambling-table for a precarious subsistence, and looking out for the chance of making a wealthy marriage.
Titles in continental Europe are so common and often not supported by land or wealth that they don't carry the same weight as they do in England. A count might be a broke scam artist, relying on gambling for a shaky income and hoping to land a rich marriage.
A German baron may be a good, substantial, unpretending man, something after the manner of an American farmer. A German prince or duke, since the absorption of the smaller principalities of Germany by Prussia, may have nothing left him but a barren title and a meagre rent-roll. The Italian prince is even of less account than the German one, since his rent-roll is too frequently lacking altogether, and his only inheritance may be a grand but decayed palace, without means sufficient to keep it in repair or furnish it properly.
A German baron can be a decent, solid, humble person, similar to an American farmer. A German prince or duke, after the merger of the smaller states in Germany by Prussia, may only have a worthless title and a tiny income. The Italian prince is even less significant than the German prince, as he often has no income at all, and his only inheritance might be a grand but dilapidated palace, with no funds to maintain or furnish it properly.
It is frequently a satisfaction to an American to be presented to the Queen during a sojourn in England, and [Pg 312]as the Queen is really an excellent woman, worthy of all honor, not only can there be no valid cause for objection to such presentation, but it may well be looked upon as an honor to be sought for.
It’s often a thrill for an American to be introduced to the Queen while visiting England, and [Pg 312]since the Queen is truly a remarkable woman, deserving of great respect, there’s really no valid reason to object to such an introduction. In fact, it can be seen as an honor to pursue.
The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are eligible to presentation at court, unless there be some grave moral objection, in which case, as it has ever been the aim of the good and virtuous Queen to maintain a high standard of morality within her court, the objectionable parties are rigidly excluded. The clergy, naval and military officers, physicians and barristers and the squirearchy, with their wives and daughters, have also the right to pay their personal respects to their queen. Those of more democratic professions, such as solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a rule, that right, though wealth and connection have recently proven an open sesame at the gates of St. James. Any person who has been presented at court may present a friend in his or her turn. A person wishing to be presented, must beg the favor from the friend or relative of the highest rank he or she may possess.
The nobility, along with their wives and daughters, can be presented at court unless there’s a serious moral issue. If that happens, the good and virtuous Queen aims to keep a high standard of morality in her court, and those with objections are strictly excluded. The clergy, naval and military officers, doctors, lawyers, and landowners, along with their wives and daughters, also have the right to pay their respects to the queen. People in more democratic professions, like lawyers, merchants, and mechanics, typically don’t have that privilege, although wealth and connections have recently been a way in at St. James. Anyone who has been presented at court can present a friend in turn. To be presented, a person must request the favor from their friend or family member of the highest rank they know.
Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to be presented to the queen, must leave at the lord chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock, two days before the levee, a card with his name written thereon, and with the name of the nobleman or gentleman by whom he is to [Pg 313]be presented. In order to carry out the existing regulation that no presentation can be made at a levee except by a person actually attending that levee, it is also necessary that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is to make the presentation, stating it to be his intention to be present, should accompany the presentation card above referred to, which will be submitted to the queen for Her Majesty's approbation. These regulations of the lord chamberlain must be implicitly obeyed.
Any nobleman or gentleman who wants to be introduced to the queen must leave a card with his name at the Lord Chamberlain's office before noon, two days prior to the levee. The card should also include the name of the nobleman or gentleman who will introduce him. To comply with the rule that only those actually attending the levee can make an introduction, a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who will be making the introduction is also required. This letter should state that he intends to be present and must accompany the aforementioned presentation card, which will be submitted to the queen for her approval. These regulations from the Lord Chamberlain must be strictly followed.
Directions at what gate to enter and where the carriages are to stop are always printed in the newspapers. These directions apply with equal force to ladies and to gentlemen.
Directions on which gate to enter and where the carriages should stop are always published in the newspapers. These directions apply equally to both ladies and gentlemen.
The person to be presented must provide himself or herself with a court costume, which for men consists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for women of an ample court train. These costumes are indispensable, and can be hired for the occasion.
The person being presented must wear a court costume, which for men includes knee-breeches and stockings, while women should have a long court train. These costumes are essential and can be rented for the event.
It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. When the lady leaves her carriage, she must leave everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf behind her. Her train must be carefully folded over her left arm as she enters the long gallery of St. James, where she waits her turn for presentation.
It’s best to arrive early to avoid the crowd. When the lady steps out of her carriage, she needs to leave everything like a cloak or scarf behind. She should carefully fold her train over her left arm as she walks into the long gallery of St. James, where she waits for her turn to be presented.
The lady is at length ushered into the presence-chamber, which is entered by two doors. She goes in at the one indicated to her, dropping her train as she [Pg 314]passes the threshold, which train is instantly spread out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. The lady then walks forward towards the sovereign or the person who represents the sovereign. The card on which her name is inscribed is then handed to another lord-in-waiting, who reads the name aloud. When she arrives just before His or Her Majesty, she should courtesy as low as possible, so as to almost kneel.
The lady is finally brought into the audience chamber, which has two doors. She enters through the one pointed out to her, letting her train fall as she [Pg 314] steps through the doorway, which is quickly adjusted by the attendants. The lady then moves forward toward the sovereign or their representative. A card with her name is given to another attendant, who reads her name aloud. When she reaches the front of His or Her Majesty, she should bow as low as possible, nearly kneeling.
If the lady presented be a peeress or a peer's daughter, the queen kisses her on the forehead. If only a commoner, then the queen extends her hand to be kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, rises, courtesies to each of the other members of the royal family present, and then passes on. She must keep her face turned toward the sovereign as she passes to and through the door leading from the presence-chamber.
If the woman being presented is a peeress or the daughter of a peer, the queen kisses her on the forehead. If she is just a commoner, the queen holds out her hand for the lady to kiss. After doing this, the lady stands up, bows to each of the other members of the royal family present, and then moves on. She must keep her face turned toward the queen as she walks to and through the door leading out of the presence chamber.

CHAPTER XXIX.
Business.

N the chapter on "Our Manners," we have spoken of the importance of civility and politeness as a means of success to the business and professional man. It is in the ordinary walks of life, in the most trivial affairs that a man's real character is shown, and consequently every man, whatever may be his calling, will do well to give due attention to those trivial affairs which, in his daily association with men of the world, will give him a reputation of being cold, austere, and unapproachable, or warm-hearted, genial, and sympathetic.
It is important for the young man learning business, or just getting a start in business, to form correct habits, and especially of forming the habit of being polite to all with whom he has business relations, showing the [Pg 316]same courteous treatment to men or women, poorly or plainly dressed, as though they were attired in the most costly of garments. A man who forms habits of politeness and gentlemanly treatment of everybody in early life, has acquired the good-will of all with whom he has ever been brought into social or business relations. He should also guard against such habits as profanity, the use of tobacco and intoxicating liquors, if he would gain and retain the respect of the best portion of the community, and should, if possible, cultivate the habit of being cheerful at all times and in all places.
It’s crucial for a young man starting out in business to develop good habits, especially the habit of being polite to everyone he interacts with in a business context. He should treat both men and women, regardless of their attire, with the same respect as if they were dressed in the most expensive clothing. A man who builds habits of politeness and respectful behavior towards everyone early on will earn the goodwill of all those he encounters socially or professionally. He should also be mindful to avoid negative habits like swearing, using tobacco, and drinking alcohol if he wants to earn and keep the respect of the best members of the community. It’s also beneficial to cultivate a cheerful attitude at all times and in every situation.
In discussing business matters, never lose your temper, even though your opponent in a controversy should become angry, and in the heat of discussion make rude and disagreeable remarks and charges. By a calm and dignified bearing and courteous treatment you will conquer his rudeness.
In business discussions, always keep your cool, even if the other person gets upset and makes nasty comments during the debate. By staying calm, respectful, and composed, you'll rise above their rudeness.
"Honesty is the best policy," is a maxim which merchants and tradesmen will find as true as it is trite, and no tradesman who wishes to retain his customers and his reputation will knowingly misrepresent the quality of his goods. It is not good policy for a merchant or clerk, in selling goods, to tell the customer what they cost, as, in a majority of cases, he will not be believed.[Pg 317]
"Honesty is the best policy" is a saying that merchants and businesspeople will find is as true as it is common, and no salesperson who wants to keep their customers and reputation will knowingly misrepresent the quality of their products. It’s not smart for a merchant or clerk, when selling items, to reveal the cost, as in most cases, customers won't believe it.[Pg 317]
The value of politeness to a merchant is nowhere more clearly shown than in the case of the late A.T. Stewart, the merchant prince of New York. He not only treated every customer he waited upon with the utmost courtesy, but he demanded it of every employe, and sought for men possessing every quality of character tending to secure this suavity of manner, in the selection of his salesmen and clerks. He required them to observe rigidly all rules and forms of politeness, and would allow no partiality shown to people on account of their dress, those clad in humble apparel being treated with the same affability and politeness as those richly dressed. Everybody who entered his store was sure of receiving kind and courteous treatment. This may, or may not, have been his secret of success, but it certainly gained and retained for him a large custom, and was one element in his character which can be highly commended. And every merchant will be judged of by his customers in proportion to the courteous treatment they receive from him, or from clerks in his store. The lawyer or the doctor will also acquire popularity and patronage as he exhibits courteous and kind treatment to all with whom he comes into social or business relations.
The value of politeness for a merchant is nowhere clearer than in the case of the late A.T. Stewart, the merchant prince of New York. He treated every customer with the utmost courtesy and expected the same from all his employees. He sought out individuals with qualities that ensured a polite demeanor when selecting salespeople and clerks. He required them to strictly follow all rules of politeness and allowed no favoritism based on appearance, ensuring that those in humble clothing received the same friendliness and respect as those who were well-dressed. Every person who walked into his store could count on being treated kindly and courteously. This may or may not have been the key to his success, but it certainly helped him gain and keep a large customer base, and it was a commendable aspect of his character. Every merchant will be evaluated by customers based on the courteous treatment they receive from him or from the clerks in his store. Similarly, a lawyer or doctor will also gain popularity and clients by demonstrating courteous and kind behavior towards everyone they interact with in social or business contexts.
Do not break an appointment with a business man, if possible to avoid it, for if you do, the party with whom you made it may have reason to think that you are not [Pg 318]a man of your word, and it may also cause him great annoyance, and loss of time. If, however, it becomes absolutely necessary to do so, you should inform him beforehand, either by a note or by a special messenger, giving reasons for its non-fulfillment.
Do not cancel an appointment with a businessman if you can avoid it, because if you do, the person you made it with might think you’re not [Pg 318]a person of your word, and it could also annoy him and waste his time. However, if you absolutely must cancel, you should let him know in advance, either with a note or through a special messenger, explaining the reasons for the cancellation.
Every business man knows the importance of meeting promptly his notes and drafts, for to neglect it is disastrous to his reputation as a prompt business man. He should consider, also, apart from this, that he is under a moral obligation to meet these payments promptly when due. If circumstances which you cannot control prevent this, write at once to your creditor, stating plainly and frankly the reason why you are unable to pay him, and when you will be able. He will accommodate you if he has reason to believe your statements.
Every business person knows how crucial it is to pay their notes and drafts on time because failing to do so can seriously damage their reputation as a reliable business person. They should also remember that there’s a moral obligation to make these payments when they’re due. If there are circumstances beyond your control that prevent you from paying, reach out to your creditor immediately. Clearly and honestly explain why you can't make the payment and when you anticipate being able to do so. If they trust your explanation, they will likely work with you.
If a bill is presented to you for payment, you should, if it is correct, pay it as promptly as though it were a note at the bank already due. The party who presents the bill may be in need of money, and should receive what is his due when he demands it. On the other hand, do not treat a man who calls upon you to pay a bill, or to whom you send to collect a bill, as though you were under no obligation to him. While you have a right to expect him to pay it, still its prompt payment may have so inconvenienced him as to deserve your thanks.[Pg 319]
If you receive a bill for payment, you should pay it promptly if it's correct, just like you would for a bank note that's already due. The person presenting the bill might need the money and deserves to be paid what they’re owed when they ask for it. On the flip side, don’t treat someone collecting a bill from you like you don’t owe them anything. Even though you have the right to expect payment, paying it quickly might have inconvenienced them, and they deserve your appreciation for that.[Pg 319]
If you chance to see a merchant's books or papers left open before you, it is not good manners to look over them, to ascertain their contents.
If you happen to see a merchant's books or papers left open in front of you, it's rude to look through them to find out what's inside.
If you write a letter asking for information, you should always enclose an envelope, addressed and stamped for the answer.
If you send a letter asking for information, you should always include a stamped, addressed envelope for the reply.
Courtesy demands that you reply to all letters immediately.
Courtesy requires that you respond to all letters right away.
If you are in a company of men where two or more are talking over business matters, do not listen to the conversation which it was not intended you should hear.
If you're in a group of men and two or more are discussing business matters, don't pay attention to a conversation that was not meant for you to hear.
In calling upon a man during business hours, transact your business rapidly and make your call as short as is consistent with the matters on hand. As a rule, men have but little time to visit during business hours.
In visiting someone during work hours, handle your business quickly and keep your visit as brief as possible based on what needs to be addressed. Generally, people have limited time to socialize during work hours.
If an employer has occasion to reprove any of his clerks or employes, he will find that by speaking kindly he will accomplish the desired object much better than by harsher means.
If an employer needs to reprimand any of their clerks or employees, they will find that speaking kindly will achieve the desired outcome much better than using harsher methods.
In paying out a large sum of money, insist that the person to whom it is paid shall count it in your presence, and on the other hand, never receive a sum of money without counting it in the presence of the party who pays it to you. In this way mistakes may be avoided.[Pg 320]
When giving out a large amount of money, make sure the person you're paying counts it while you're watching. Similarly, never accept money without counting it while the payer is there with you. This way, you can avoid any mistakes.[Pg 320]
CHAPTER XXX.
Dress.

O dress well requires good taste, good sense and refinement. A woman of good sense will neither make dress her first nor her last object in life. No sensible wife will betray that total indifference for her husband which is implied in the neglect of her appearance, and she will remember that to dress consistently and tastefully is one of the duties which she owes to society. Every lady, however insignificant her social position may appear to herself, must exercise a certain influence on the feelings and opinions of others. An attention to dress is useful as retaining, in the minds of sensible men, that pride in a wife's appearance, which is so agreeable to her, as well as that due influence which cannot be obtained without it. But a love of dress has its perils for weak minds. Uncontrolled by good sense, and stimulated by personal vanity it becomes a temptation at first, and then a curse. When it is indulged [Pg 321]in to the detriment of better employments, and beyond the compass of means, it cannot be too severely condemned. It then becomes criminal.
Consistency in regard to station and fortune is the first matter to be considered. A woman of good sense will not wish to expend in unnecessary extravagances money wrung from an anxious, laborious husband; or if her husband be a man of fortune, she will not, even then, encroach upon her allowance. In the early years of married life, when the income is moderate, it should be the pride of a woman to see how little she can spend upon her dress, and yet present that tasteful and creditable appearance which is desirable. Much depends upon management, and upon the care taken of garments. She should turn everything to account, and be careful of her clothing when wearing it.
Consistency regarding status and wealth is the first thing to consider. A sensible woman won’t want to waste money from a hardworking, stressed husband on unnecessary luxuries; or if her husband is wealthy, she still won’t exceed her budget. In the early years of marriage, when income is modest, a woman should take pride in how little she can spend on her wardrobe while still looking stylish and respectable. A lot depends on how she manages things and maintains her clothes. She should make the most of what she has and take care of her outfits while wearing them.
Dress, to be in perfect taste, need not be costly. It is unfortunate that in the United States, too much attention is paid to dress by those who have neither the excuse of ample means nor of social culture. The wife of a poorly paid clerk, or of a young man just starting in business, aims at dressing as stylishly as does the wealthiest among her acquaintances. The sewing girl, the shop girl, the chambermaid, and even the cook, must have their elegantly trimmed silk dresses and velvet cloaks for Sunday and holiday wear, and the [Pg 322]injury done by this state of things to the morals and manners of the poorer classes is incalculable.
Dress, to be truly fashionable, doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s unfortunate that in the United States, too much focus is put on clothing by those who lack both sufficient money and social grace. The wife of a low-paid clerk or a young man just starting out in business tries to dress as stylishly as the wealthiest people she knows. The sewing girl, the shop girl, the housekeeper, and even the cook all feel the need to have their beautifully trimmed silk dresses and velvet coats for Sundays and special occasions, and the [Pg 322] harm this brings to the morals and attitudes of the poorer classes is beyond measure.
As fashions are constantly changing, those who do not adopt the extremes, as there are so many of the prevailing modes at present, can find something to suit every form and face.
As styles are always evolving, those who don't go for the extremes—since there are so many popular trends right now—can find something that looks good on every body type and face.
Indifference and inattention to dress is a defect of character rather than virtue, and often denotes indolence and slovenliness. Every woman should aim to make herself look as well as possible with the means at her command. Among the rich, a fondness for dress promotes exertion and activity of the mental powers, cultivates a correct taste and fosters industry and ingenuity among those who seek to procure for them the material and designs for dress. Among the middle classes it encourages diligence, contrivance, planning and deftness of handiwork, and among the poorer classes it promotes industry and economy. A fondness for dress, when it does not degenerate into vain show, has an elevating and refining influence on society.
Indifference and lack of attention to clothing is more a flaw in character than a quality, often indicating laziness and carelessness. Every woman should strive to look her best with the resources available to her. For wealthy women, an interest in fashion sparks effort and sharpens mental abilities, develops good taste, and encourages hard work and creativity among those who provide materials and designs. For the middle class, it fosters diligence, resourcefulness, planning, and skillful craftsmanship, while in lower-income groups, it encourages hard work and frugality. An appreciation for clothing, as long as it doesn't turn into mere vanity, can have a positive and uplifting effect on society.
To dress appropriately is another important matter to be considered. Due regard must be paid to the physical appearance of the person, and the dress must be made to harmonize throughout. An appropriate dress is that which so harmonizes with the figure as to make the apparel unnoticeable. Thin ladies can wear delicate [Pg 323]colors, while stout persons look best in black or dark grey. For young and old the question of appropriate color must be determined by the figure and complexion. Rich colors harmonize with brunette complexions or dark hair, and delicate colors with persons of light hair and blonde complexions.
Dressing appropriately is another important consideration. It's essential to pay attention to a person's physical appearance, and the outfit should be cohesive overall. An appropriate outfit is one that complements the body shape so well that the clothing goes unnoticed. Slim women can wear soft [Pg 323]colors, while heavier individuals look best in black or dark gray. For both young and old, the choice of suitable colors should be based on body shape and skin tone. Rich colors work well with darker complexions or hair, while lighter colors suit those with light hair and fair complexions.
Gloves are worn by gentlemen as well as ladies in the street, at an evening party, at the opera or theatre, at receptions, at church, when paying a call, riding or driving; but not in the country or at dinner. White should be worn at balls; the palest colors at evening parties and neutral shades at church.
Gloves are worn by both men and women in public, at evening parties, at the opera or theater, during receptions, at church, when visiting someone, and while riding or driving; but not in the countryside or at dinner. White should be worn at balls; the lightest colors at evening parties and neutral shades at church.
The evening or full dress for gentlemen is a black dress-suit—a "swallow-tail" coat, the vest cut low, the cravat white, and kid gloves of the palest hue or white. The shirt front should be white and plain; the studs and cuff-buttons simple. Especial attention should be given to the hair, which should be neither short nor long. It is better to err upon the too short side, as too long hair savors of affectation, destroys the shape of the physiognomy, and has a touch of vulgarity about it. Evening dress is the same for a large dinner party, a ball or an opera. In some circles, however, evening dress is considered an affectation, and it is as well to do as others do. On Sunday, morning dress is worn and on that day of the week no gentleman is expected to [Pg 324]appear in evening dress, either at church, at home or away from home. Gloves are dispensed with at dinner parties, and pale colors are preferred to white for evening wear.
The evening formal wear for men is a black tuxedo—a "swallow-tail" coat, a low-cut vest, a white tie, and light-colored or white gloves. The shirt front should be plain white; the studs and cufflinks should be simple. Special care should be taken with the hair, which shouldn't be too short or too long. It's better to play it safe with shorter hair, as long hair can seem affected, alter the shape of the face, and come off as a bit tacky. Evening wear is the same for a large dinner party, a ball, or an opera. However, in some circles, formal evening attire might be seen as over the top, so it’s best to follow what others do. On Sundays, daytime attire is worn, and no gentleman is expected to appear in evening wear, whether at church, home, or elsewhere. Gloves are usually not worn at dinner parties, and light colors are preferred over white for evening attire.
The morning dress for gentlemen is a black frock-coat, or a black cut-away, white or black vest, according to the season, gray or colored pants, plaid or stripes, according to the fashion, a high silk (stove-pipe) hat, and a black scarf or necktie. A black frock coat with black pants is not considered a good combination, nor is a dress coat and colored or light pants. The morning dress is suitable for garden parties, Sundays, social teas, informal calls, morning calls and receptions.
The morning outfit for men includes a black frock coat or a black cutaway jacket, a white or black vest depending on the season, gray or colored pants that can be plaid or striped based on current trends, a tall silk (stove-pipe) hat, and a black scarf or necktie. Wearing a black frock coat with black pants isn’t considered stylish, nor is pairing a dress coat with colored or light pants. The morning dress is appropriate for garden parties, Sundays, social teas, informal visits, morning calls, and receptions.
It will be seen that morning and evening dress for gentlemen varies as much as it does for ladies. It is decidedly out of place for a gentleman to wear a dress coat and white tie in the day-time, and when evening dress is desired on ceremonious occasions, the shutters should be closed and the gas or lamps lighted. The true evening costume or full dress suit, accepted as such throughout the world, has firmly established itself in this country; yet there is still a considerable amount of ignorance displayed as to the occasions when it should be worn, and it is not uncommon for the average American, even high officials and dignified people, to wear the full evening costume at a morning reception or some midday ceremony. A dress coat at a morning or afternoon reception or luncheon, is entirely out of place, [Pg 325]while the frock-coat or cut-away and gray pants, make a becoming costume for such an occasion.
It can be observed that morning and evening attire for men varies just as much as it does for women. It's definitely inappropriate for a man to wear a tailcoat and white tie during the day, and when evening attire is needed for formal events, the curtains should be drawn and the gas or lamps turned on. The proper evening outfit or full dress suit, recognized globally, has become well established in this country; however, there's still a significant amount of confusion about when it should be worn. It's not unusual for the average American, including high officials and respected individuals, to wear the full evening attire at a morning reception or a midday event. A tailcoat at a morning or afternoon reception or lunch is completely out of place, [Pg 325] while a frock coat or cutaway with gray pants makes a suitable outfit for such occasions.
It is not considered in good taste for men to wear much jewelry. They may with propriety wear one gold ring, studs and cuff-buttons, and a watch chain, not too massive, with a modest pendant, or none at all. Anything more looks like a superabundance of ornament.
It’s generally thought to be in bad taste for men to wear a lot of jewelry. They can properly wear one gold ring, studs and cuff links, and a watch chain that’s not too bulky, with a simple pendant, or none at all. Anything more comes off as excessive decoration.
Evening dress for ladies may be as rich, elegant and gay as one chooses to make it. It is everywhere the custom to wear full evening dress in brilliant evening assemblages. It may be cut either high or low at the neck, yet no lady should wear her dress so low as to make it quite noticeable or a special subject of remark. Evening dress is what is commonly known as "full dress," and will serve for a large evening party, ball or dinner. No directions will be laid down with reference to it, as fashion devises how it is to be made and what material used.
Evening dresses for women can be as luxurious, stylish, and vibrant as one wants them to be. It’s customary to wear full evening attire at dazzling evening gatherings. The neckline can be either high or low, but no woman should wear her dress so low that it draws attention or becomes a topic of discussion. Evening dress is usually referred to as "formal wear," and it’s suitable for a large evening party, ball, or dinner. There will be no specific guidelines regarding it, as fashion dictates how it should be designed and what materials to use.
Ball dressing requires less art than the nice gradations of costume in the dinner dress, and the dress for evening parties. For a ball, everything should be light and diaphanous, somewhat fanciful and airy. The heavy, richly trimmed silk is only appropriate to those who do not dance. The richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate tints in silk, the most expensive laces, elaborate [Pg 326]coiffures, a large display of diamonds, artificial flowers for the head-dress and natural flowers for hand bouquets, all belong, more or less, to the costume for a large ball.
Ball dressing requires less skill than the careful choices made for dinner dresses and evening attire. For a ball, everything should be light and airy, with a touch of whimsy. Heavy, richly adorned silk is only suitable for those who aren't dancing. The finest velvets, the brightest and softest shades of silk, the most luxurious laces, intricate [Pg 326]hairstyles, a generous amount of diamonds, artificial flowers for hairpieces, and real flowers for hand bouquets all play a role in the outfit for a grand ball.
The full dinner dress for guests admits of great splendor. It may be of any thick texture of silk or velvet for winter, or light rich goods for summer, and should be long and sweeping. Every trifle in a lady's costume should be, as far as she can afford it, faultless. The fan should be perfect in its way, and the gloves should be quite fresh. Diamonds are used in broaches, pendants, ear-rings and bracelets. If artificial flowers are worn in the hair, they should be of the choicest description. All the light neutral tints, and black, dark blue, purple, dark green, garnet, brown and fawn are suited for dinner wear.
The formal dinner attire for guests allows for plenty of elegance. It can be made from thick silk or velvet for winter, or lighter, luxurious fabrics for summer, and should be long and flowing. Every detail of a lady's outfit should be, as much as possible, impeccable. The fan should be flawless, and the gloves should be completely fresh. Diamonds can be worn in brooches, pendants, earrings, and bracelets. If artificial flowers are placed in the hair, they should be of the highest quality. All light neutral shades, along with black, dark blue, purple, dark green, garnet, brown, and fawn, are appropriate for dinner attire.
The dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be rich in material, but subdued in tone, so as not to eclipse any of her guests. A young hostess should wear a dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar and cuffs of fine lace, and if the dinner be by daylight, plain jewelry, but by gaslight diamonds.
The dress of a hostess at a dinner party should be made of luxurious materials but in muted colors so that she doesn't overshadow her guests. A young hostess should wear a beautiful silk dress, either black or a dark shade, with a lace collar and cuffs. If the dinner is during the day, she should opt for simple jewelry, but when it's lit by gaslight, she can wear diamonds.
The glaring colors and "loud" costumes, once so common, have given place to sober grays, and browns and [Pg 327]olives; black predominating over all. The light, showily-trimmed dresses, which were once displayed in the streets and fashionable promenades, are now only worn in carriages. This display of showy dress and glaring colors is generally confined to those who love ostentation more than comfort.
The bright colors and "loud" outfits that used to be everywhere have been replaced by muted grays, browns, and olives; with black dominating everything. The flashy, ornate dresses that used to be showcased in the streets and trendy hangouts are now only worn in carriages. This emphasis on extravagant clothing and bright colors is mostly limited to those who prefer showiness over comfort.
If a lady has a special day for the reception of calls, her dress must be of silk, or other goods suitable to the season, or to her position, but must be of quiet colors and plainly worn. Lace collars and cuffs should be worn with this dress, and a certain amount of jewelry is also admissible. A lady whose mornings are devoted to the superintendence of her domestic affairs, may receive a casual caller in her ordinary morning dress, which must be neat, yet plain, with white plain linen collars and cuffs. For New Year's, or other calls of special significance, the dress should be rich, and may be elaborately trimmed. If the parlors are closed and the gas lighted, full evening dress is required.
If a woman has a designated day for receiving visitors, her outfit should be made of silk or other appropriate fabrics for the season or her status, but it should be in understated colors and simply styled. Lace collars and cuffs should accompany this outfit, and a moderate amount of jewelry is acceptable. A woman who spends her mornings managing her household can greet an informal visitor in her regular morning attire, which should be tidy yet simple, featuring plain white linen collars and cuffs. For New Year's or other important occasions, the outfit should be elegant and can be richly adorned. If the living areas are closed off and the lights are on, formal evening wear is required.
The material for a dress for a drive through the public streets of a city, or along a fashionable drive or park, cannot be too rich. Silks, velvets and laces, are all appropriate, with rich jewelry and costly furs in cold weather. If the fashion require it, the carriage dress may be long enough to trail, or it may be of the length of a walking dress, which many prefer. For driving in [Pg 328]the country, a different style of dress is required, as the dust and mud would soil rich material.
The material for a dress for a drive through city streets, or along a stylish drive or park, should be luxurious. Silks, velvets, and laces are all suitable, paired with fancy jewelry and expensive furs in colder weather. If the style demands it, the carriage dress can be long enough to trail on the ground, or it can be the same length as a walking dress, which many people prefer. For driving in [Pg 328]the country, a different style of dress is needed because the dust and mud would ruin rich fabrics.
Visiting costumes, or those worn at a funeral or informal calls, are of richer material than walking suits. The bonnet is either simple or rich, according to the taste of the wearer. A jacket of velvet, or shawl, or fur-trimmed mantle are the concomitants of the carriage dress for winter. In summer all should be bright, cool, agreeable to wear and pleasant to look at.
Visiting outfits, or those worn at funerals or casual gatherings, are made from more luxurious materials than everyday outfits. The hat can be either plain or fancy, depending on the wearer's style. A velvet jacket, shawl, or fur-trimmed cloak typically accompanies the winter carriage attire. In summer, everything should be bright, cool, comfortable to wear, and visually appealing.
Morning calls may be made either in walking or carriage dress, provided the latter is justified by the presence of the carriage. The dress should be of silk; collar and cuffs of the finest lace; light gloves; a full dress bonnet and jewelry of gold, either dead, burnished or enameled, or of cameo or coral. Diamonds are not usually worn in daylight. A dress of black or neutral tint, in which light colors are introduced only in small quantities, is the most appropriate for a morning call.
Morning visits can be made in either walking or carriage attire, as long as the use of a carriage is appropriate. The outfit should be made of silk, with the collar and cuffs featuring the finest lace; light gloves; a formal bonnet; and jewelry in gold, whether matte, shiny, or enameled, or made of cameo or coral. Diamonds are generally not worn during the day. A dress in black or neutral tones, with light colors used sparingly, is the most suitable choice for a morning call.
The morning dress for the street should be quiet in color, plainly made and of serviceable material. It should be short enough to clear the ground without collecting mud and garbage. Lisle-thread gloves in midsummer, thick gloves in midwinter, are more com[Pg 329]fortable for street wear than kid ones. Linen collars and cuffs are most suitable for morning street dress. The bonnet and hat should be quiet and inexpressive, matching the dress as nearly as possible. In stormy weather a large waterproof with hood is more convenient and less troublesome than an umbrella. The morning dress for visiting or breakfasting in public may be, in winter, of woolen goods, simply made and quietly trimmed, and in summer, of cambric, pique, marseilles or other wash goods, either white or figured. For morning wear at home the dress may be still simpler. The hair should be plainly arranged without ornament.
The morning outfit for going out should be subtle in color, simple in design, and made from practical fabric. It should be short enough to avoid dragging on the ground and picking up dirt. In the summer, wear lisle-thread gloves, and in the winter, choose thicker gloves, as they’re more comfortable for daily wear than kid gloves. Linen collars and cuffs work best for morning street attire. The bonnet and hat should be understated and plain, closely matching the outfit. In bad weather, a large waterproof coat with a hood is more practical and easier to handle than an umbrella. For visiting or having breakfast in public during winter, the outfit can be made from wool, simply designed and subtly trimmed, and in summer, from cotton, pique, marseilles, or other washable materials, whether plain or patterned. For morning wear at home, the outfit can be even simpler. The hair should be styled plainly without any accessories.
The dress for the promenade should be in perfect harmony with itself. All the colors worn should harmonize if they are not strictly identical. The bonnet should not be of one color, and parasol of another, the dress of a third and the gloves of a fourth. Nor should one article be new and another shabby. The collars and cuffs should be of lace; the kid gloves should be selected to harmonize with the color of the dress, a perfect fit. The jewelry worn should be bracelets, cuff-buttons, plain gold ear-rings, a watch chain and brooch.
The dress for the prom should be perfectly coordinated. All the colors you wear should complement each other, even if they aren't exactly the same. The bonnet shouldn't be one color while the parasol is another, and the dress a third, with the gloves being a fourth. And you shouldn’t mix new items with worn ones. The collars and cuffs should be made of lace; the leather gloves should match the dress color and fit perfectly. The jewelry should include bracelets, cufflinks, simple gold earrings, a watch chain, and a brooch.
Opera dress for matinees may be as elegant as for morning calls. A bonnet is always worn even by those who occupy boxes, but it may be as dressy as one chooses to make it. In the evening, ladies are at liberty [Pg 330]to wear evening dresses, with ornaments in their hair, instead of a bonnet, and as the effect of light colors is much better than dark in a well-lighted opera house, they should predominate.
Opera attire for matinees can be just as fancy as outfits for morning visits. A bonnet is always worn, even by those in boxes, but you can make it as stylish as you like. In the evening, women are free to wear evening dresses, with accessories in their hair instead of a bonnet, and since light colors look much better than dark ones in a well-lit opera house, they should be the main choice. [Pg 330]
A lady's riding habit should fit perfectly without being tight. The skirt must be full, and long enough to cover the feet, but not of extreme length. The boots must be stout and the gloves gauntleted. Broadcloth is regarded as the more dressy cloth, though waterproof is the more serviceable. Something lighter may be worn for summer, and in the lighter costumes a row of shot must be stitched at the bottom of the breadths of the left side to prevent the skirts from being blown by the wind. The riding dress is made to fit the waist closely, and button nearly to the throat. Above a small collar or reverse of the waist is shown a plain linen collar, fastened at the throat with a bright or black necktie. Coat sleeves should come to the wrist with linen cuffs beneath them. No lace or embroidery is allowable in a riding costume. It is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of the usual length, and the long skirt fastened over it, so that if any accident occurs obliging the lady to dismount, she may easily remove the long overskirt and still be properly dressed.
A lady's riding outfit should fit perfectly without being too tight. The skirt should be full and long enough to cover her feet, but not excessively long. The boots should be sturdy, and the gloves should be gauntleted. Broadcloth is seen as more formal, while waterproof fabric is more practical. Lighter materials can be worn in the summer, and for those lighter outfits, a row of weights should be stitched at the bottom of the left side's hem to stop the skirts from blowing in the wind. The riding dress should fit snugly at the waist and button nearly up to the throat. A small collar or the edge of the waist will show beneath a plain linen collar, which is fastened at the throat with either a bright or black necktie. Coat sleeves should reach the wrist with linen cuffs underneath. No lace or embroidery is acceptable on a riding outfit. It’s a good idea to have the waist connected to a skirt of the standard length, with a long skirt fastened over it, so if something happens that requires the lady to dismount, she can easily remove the long overskirt and still look appropriately dressed.
The hair should be put up compactly, and no veil should be allowed to stream in the wind. The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, but it should always be plainly trimmed, and if feathers are worn they must [Pg 331]be fastened so that the wind cannot blow them over the wearer's eyes.
The hair should be styled neatly, and no veil should be allowed to flutter in the wind. The shape of the hat may change with fashion, but it should always be simply trimmed, and if feathers are worn, they must [Pg 331]be secured so that the wind can't blow them into the wearer's eyes.
The material for a walking suit may be either rich or plain to suit the taste and means of the wearer. It should always be well made and never appear shabby. Bright colors appear best only as trimmings. Black has generally been adopted for street dresses as the most becoming. For the country, walking dresses are made tasteful, solid and strong, more for service than display, and what would be perfectly appropriate for the streets of a city would be entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved walks of a small town or in a country neighborhood. The walking or promenade dress is always made short enough to clear the ground. Thick boots are worn with the walking suit.
The fabric for a walking suit can be either fancy or simple, depending on the preferences and budget of the person wearing it. It should always be well-made and should never look worn out. Bright colors work best as accents. Black is usually chosen for street outfits as it’s the most flattering. In the countryside, walking dresses are designed to be stylish, sturdy, and practical, prioritizing function over looks. What looks great in the city may feel totally out of place on the muddy, uneven paths of a small town or in rural areas. The walking or promenade dress is always designed to be short enough to avoid dragging on the ground. Sturdy boots are worn with the walking suit.
For women who are engaged in some daily employment such as teachers, saleswomen and those who are occupied in literature, art or business of some sort, the dress should be somewhat different from the ordinary walking costume. Its material should be more serviceable, better fitted to endure the vicissitudes of the weather, and of quiet colors, such as brown or gray, and not easily soiled. While the costume should not be of the simplest nature, it should dispense with all superfluities in the way of trimming. It should be made with special reference to a free use of the arms, and to easy locomotion. Linen cuffs and collars are best suited to [Pg 332]this kind of dress, gloves which can be easily removed, street walking boots, and for jewelry, plain cuff-buttons, brooch and watch chain. The hat or bonnet should be neat and tasty, with but few flowers or feathers. For winter wear, waterproof, tastefully made up, is the best material for a business woman's outer garment.
For women who have daily jobs like teaching, selling, or working in literature, art, or business, their clothing should be a bit different from regular walking outfits. The fabric should be more durable, suitable for various weather conditions, and in neutral colors like brown or gray that don’t show dirt easily. While the outfit shouldn’t be too basic, it should avoid unnecessary embellishments. It should be designed for easy movement of the arms and allow for comfortable movement. Linen cuffs and collars work well for [Pg 332] this style, along with gloves that can be taken off easily, practical walking boots, and simple jewelry like cuff-links, a brooch, and a watch chain. The hat or bonnet should look neat and stylish, with just a few flowers or feathers. For winter, a waterproof and stylishly designed outer garment is ideal for a business woman.
The ordinary evening house dress should be tasteful and becoming, with a certain amount of ornament, and worn with jewelry. Silks are the most appropriate for this dress, but all the heavy woolen dress fabrics for winter, and the lighter lawns and organdies for summer, elegantly made, are suitable. For winter, the colors should be rich and warm, and knots of bright ribbon of a becoming color, should be worn at the throat and in the hair. The latter should be plainly dressed. Artificial flowers and diamonds are out of place. This is both a suitable dress in which to receive or make a casual evening call. If a hood is worn, it must be removed during the call. Otherwise a full dress bonnet must be worn.
The typical evening house dress should be stylish and flattering, with some embellishments, and paired with jewelry. Silk is the best choice for this dress, but all the heavier wool fabrics for winter, and the lighter cottons and organzas for summer, made elegantly, are also appropriate. For winter, the colors should be deep and warm, with pops of bright ribbon in a complementary color worn at the neck and in the hair. Hair should be simply styled. Fake flowers and diamonds don’t fit the look. This outfit is suitable for receiving guests or making a casual evening visit. If a hood is worn, it must be taken off during the visit. Otherwise, a full dress bonnet should be worn.
For the social evening party, more latitude is allowed in the choice of colors, material, trimmings, etc., than for the ordinary evening dress. Dresses should cover the arms and shoulder; but if cut low in the neck, and with short sleeves, puffed illusion waists or some similar device should be employed to cover the neck and arms.[Pg 333] Gloves may or may not be worn, but if they are they should be of some light color.
For the social evening party, you're allowed more freedom in your choice of colors, materials, trimmings, etc., compared to regular evening attire. Dresses should cover the arms and shoulders; however, if they're cut low in the neck and have short sleeves, you should use puffed illusion waists or something similar to cover the neck and arms.[Pg 333] Gloves can be worn or not, but if you choose to wear them, they should be a light color.
The dress for church should be plain, of dark, quiet colors, with no superfluous trimming or jewelry. It should, in fact, be the plainest of promenade dresses, as church is not the place for display of fine clothes.
The dress for church should be simple, in dark, muted colors, with no extra embellishments or jewelry. It should actually be the most basic of casual dresses, since church isn’t the place for showing off fancy clothes.
The promenade dress with the addition of a handsome cloak or shawl, which may be thrown aside if it is uncomfortable, is suitable for a theatre. The dress should be quiet and plain without any attempt at display. Either a bonnet or hat may be worn. Gloves should be dark, harmonizing with the dress.
The promenade dress, paired with a nice cloak or shawl that can be removed if it gets uncomfortable, is perfect for a theater outing. The dress should be simple and understated, avoiding any boldness. You can wear either a bonnet or a hat. Dark gloves that match the dress are a must.
For the lecture or concert, silk is an appropriate dress, and should be worn with lace collars and cuffs and jewelry. A rich shawl or velvet promenade cloak, or opera cloak for a concert is an appropriate outer garment. The latter may or may not be kept on the shoulders during the evening. White or light kid gloves should be worn.
For a lecture or concert, silk is a suitable outfit, and it should be paired with lace collars, cuffs, and jewelry. A luxurious shawl or a velvet promenade cloak, or an opera cloak for a concert, is a fitting outer layer. The cloak can be worn over the shoulders during the evening or not. White or light-colored kid gloves are recommended.
Croquet and archery costumes may be similar, and they admit of more brilliancy in coloring than any of the out-of-door costumes. They should be short, dis[Pg 334]playing a handsomely fitting but stout boot, and should be so arranged as to leave the arms perfectly free. The gloves should be soft and washable. Kid is not suitable for either occasion. The hat should have a broad brim, so as to shield the face from the sun, and render a parasol unnecessary. The trimming for archery costumes is usually of green.
Croquet and archery outfits can look alike, and they allow for brighter colors than any other outdoor attire. They should be short, showcasing a well-fitting but sturdy boot, and designed to keep the arms completely free. The gloves should be soft and washable. Leather isn’t suitable for either activity. The hat should have a wide brim to protect the face from the sun, making a parasol unnecessary. The trim for archery outfits is typically green.
An elegant skating costume may be of velvet, trimmed with fur, with fur bordered gloves and boots. Any of the warm, bright colored wool fabrics, however, are suitable for the dress. If blue or green are worn, they should be relieved with trimmings of dark furs. Silk is not suitable for skating costume. To avoid suffering from cold feet, the boot should be amply loose.
An elegant skating outfit can be made of velvet, with fur trim, and paired with gloves and boots that have fur edges. Any warm, brightly colored wool fabrics work well for the outfit. If you choose blue or green, they should be complemented with dark fur trims. Silk is not a good choice for skating attire. To keep your feet warm, the boots should be comfortably loose.
Flannel is the best material for a bathing costume, and gray is regarded as the most suitable color. It may be trimmed with bright worsted braid. The best form is the loose sacque, or the yoke waist, both of them to be belted in, and falling about midway between the knee and ankle; an oilskin cap to protect the hair from the water, and merino socks to match the dress, complete the costume.
Flannel is the best fabric for a swimsuit, and gray is considered the most appropriate color. It can be accented with bright worsted braid. The ideal style is a loose sacque or a yoke waist, both of which should be cinched in at the waist and should fall somewhere between the knee and ankle; an oilskin cap to keep the hair dry, and merino socks to match the outfit complete the look.
Comfort and protection from dust and dirt are the requirements of a traveling dress. When a lady is about making an extensive journey, a traveling suit is a great convenience, but for a short journey, a large linen overdress or duster may be put on over the ordinary [Pg 335]dress in summer, and in winter a waterproof cloak may be used in the same way. For traveling costumes a variety of materials may be used, of soft, neutral tints, and smooth surface which does not retain the dust. These should be made up plainly and quite short. The underskirts should be colored, woolen in winter and linen in summer. The hat or bonnet must be plainly trimmed and completely protected by a large veil. Velvet is unfit for a traveling hat, as it catches and retains the dust; collars and cuffs of plain linen. The hair should be put up in the plainest manner. A waterproof and warm woolen shawl are indispensible, and may be rolled in a shawl strap when not needed. A satchel should be carried, in which may be kept a change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs, toilet articles, and towels. A traveling dress should be well supplied with pockets. The waterproof should have large pockets, and there should be one in the underskirt in which to carry such money and valuables as are not needed for immediate use.
Comfort and protection from dust and dirt are essential for a traveling dress. When a woman is preparing for a long journey, a travel suit is very practical, but for a short trip, a large linen overdress or duster can be worn over a regular [Pg 335] dress in summer, and in winter, a waterproof cloak can serve the same purpose. A variety of materials can be used for traveling outfits, featuring soft, neutral colors and smooth surfaces that don't hold dust. These should be made simply and kept short. The underskirts should be colored, woolen in winter and linen in summer. The hat or bonnet should have minimal trimming and be fully protected by a large veil. Velvet is not suitable for a traveling hat as it collects and holds dust; collars and cuffs should be made of plain linen. The hair should be styled in a simple manner. A waterproof and warm woolen shawl is essential and can be rolled up in a shawl strap when not in use. A satchel should be carried to hold a change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs, toiletries, and towels. A traveling dress should have plenty of pockets. The waterproof should feature large pockets, and there should be one in the underskirt for carrying any money and valuables that aren't needed immediately.
A full bridal costume should be white from head to foot. The dress may be of silk, heavily corded, moire antique, satin or plain silk, merino, alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. The veil may be of lace, tulle or illusion, but it must be long and full. It may or may not descend over the face. Orange blossoms or other white flowers and maiden blush roses should form the bridal wreath and bouquet. The dress is high and the arms [Pg 336]covered. Slippers of white satin and white kid gloves complete the dress.
A complete bridal outfit should be white from head to toe. The dress can be made of silk, heavily corded, moire antique, satin or plain silk, merino, alpaca, crepe, lawn or muslin. The veil can be lace, tulle, or illusion, but it must be long and full. It may or may not cover the face. Orange blossoms or other white flowers and blush roses should make up the bridal wreath and bouquet. The dress has a high neckline and the arms [Pg 336] are covered. White satin slippers and white kid gloves complete the outfit.
The dress of the bridegroom and ushers is given in the chapter treating of the etiquette of weddings.
The outfits for the groom and ushers are explained in the chapter about wedding etiquette.
The dresses of bridemaids are not so elaborate as that of the bride. They should also be of white, but may be trimmed with delicately colored flowers and ribbons. White tulle, worn over pale pink or blue silk and caught up with blush roses or forget-me-nots, with bouquet de corsage and hand bouquet of the same, makes a beautiful costume for the bridemaids. The latter, may or may not, wear veils, but if they do, they should be shorter than that of the bride.
The bridesmaids' dresses are not as elaborate as the bride's. They should also be white, but can be accented with soft-colored flowers and ribbons. White tulle over light pink or blue silk, adorned with blush roses or forget-me-nots, along with a matching corsage and hand bouquet, creates a lovely look for the bridesmaids. They may choose to wear veils, but if they do, those veils should be shorter than the bride's.
This should be of silk, or any of the fine fabrics for walking dresses; should be of some neutral tint; and bonnet and gloves should match in color. It may be more elaborately trimmed than an ordinary traveling dress, but if the bride wishes to attract as little attention as possible, she will not make herself conspicuous by a too showy dress. In private weddings the bride is sometimes married in traveling costume, and the bridal pair at once set out upon their journey.
This should be made of silk or another high-quality fabric suitable for daytime dresses; it should be in a neutral color, and the bonnet and gloves should match. It can have more elaborate trims than a regular travel dress, but if the bride wants to draw as little attention as possible, she shouldn’t wear anything too flashy. In private weddings, the bride sometimes wears a travel outfit, and the couple immediately departs on their journey.
At wedding receptions in the evening, guests should wear full evening dress. No one should attend in black [Pg 337]or mourning dress, which should give place to grey or lavender. At a morning reception of the wedded couple, guests should wear the richest street costume with white gloves.
At evening wedding receptions, guests should wear formal attire. No one should show up in black [Pg 337]or mourning attire; instead, they should opt for grey or lavender. For a morning reception with the newlyweds, guests should wear their finest daytime outfit with white gloves.
The people of the United States have settled upon no prescribed periods for the wearing of mourning garments. Some wear them long after their hearts have ceased to mourn. Where there is profound grief, no rules are needed, but where the sorrow is not so great, there is need of observance of fixed periods for wearing mourning.
The people of the United States don’t have set times for wearing mourning clothes. Some continue to wear them long after their feelings of loss have faded. In cases of deep grief, no guidelines are necessary, but when the sorrow isn’t as intense, a clear period for wearing mourning attire is important.
Deep mourning requires the heaviest black of serge, bombazine, lustreless alpaca, delaine, merino or similar heavily clinging material, with collar and cuffs of crape. Mourning garments should have little or no trimming; no flounces, ruffles or bows are allowable. If the dress is not made en suite, then a long or square shawl of barege or cashmere with crape border is worn. The bonnet is of black crape; a hat is inadmissible. The veil is of crape or barege with heavy border; black gloves and black-bordered handkerchief. In winter dark furs may be worn with the deepest mourning. Jewelry is strictly forbidden, and all pins, buckles, etc., must be of jet. Lustreless alpaca and black silk trimmed with crape may be worn in second mourning, with white collars and cuffs. The crape veil is laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is still retained. A still less degree of mourning is indicated by black and white, purple and gray, or a combination of these colors.[Pg 338] Crape is still retained in bonnet trimming, and crape flowers may be added. Light gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac, indicate a slight mourning. Black lace bonnet, with white or violet flowers, supercedes crape, and jet and gold jewelry is worn.
Deep mourning requires the heaviest black fabrics like serge, bombazine, dull alpaca, delaine, merino, or similar clingy materials, with crape collars and cuffs. Mourning clothes should have little to no embellishments; no flounces, ruffles, or bows are allowed. If the dress isn't matching, then a long or square shawl made of barege or cashmere with a crape border is worn. The bonnet should be made of black crape; a hat is not acceptable. The veil is made of crape or barege with a heavy border; wear black gloves and a black-bordered handkerchief. In winter, dark furs can be worn with deep mourning. Jewelry is completely banned, and all pins, buckles, etc., must be made of jet. Dull alpaca and black silk trimmed with crape can be worn in second mourning, with white collars and cuffs. The crape veil can be replaced with net or tulle, but jet jewelry is still worn. A lesser degree of mourning can be shown by using black and white, purple and gray, or combinations of these colors.[Pg 338] Crape is still used in bonnet trimming, and crape flowers may be added. Light gray, white and black, and light shades of lilac indicate slight mourning. A black lace bonnet with white or violet flowers replaces crape, and jet and gold jewelry can be worn.
The following rules have been given by an authority competent to speak on these matters regarding the degree of mourning and the length of time it should be worn:
The following rules have been provided by an authority qualified to address these issues about the level of mourning and how long it should be observed:
"The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for her husband. It is worn two years, sometimes longer. Widow's mourning for the first year consists of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of folded untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick, black crape veil. The second year, silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and cuffs, and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six months gray, violet and white are permitted. A widow should wear the hair perfectly plain if she does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bonnet, never a hat.
"The deepest mourning is worn by a widow for her husband. It lasts for two years, sometimes longer. In the first year, a widow's mourning consists of solid black woolen clothing, collars and cuffs made of folded, untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet, and a long, thick black crape veil. In the second year, she can wear silk trimmed with crape, a black lace collar and cuffs, and a shorter veil, and in the last six months, gray, violet, and white are allowed. If a widow is not wearing a cap, her hair should be perfectly plain, and she should always wear a bonnet, never a hat."
"The mourning for a father or mother is worn for one year. The first six months the proper dress is of solid black woolen goods trimmed with crape, black crape bonnet with black crape facings and black strings, black crape veil, collar and cuffs of black crape. Three months, black silk with crape trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil of tulle and white bonnet-facings; and the last three months in gray, purple and [Pg 339]violet. Mourning worn for a child is the same as that worn for a parent.
"The period of mourning for a father or mother lasts one year. For the first six months, the appropriate attire is solid black wool, trimmed with crepe, a black crepe bonnet with black crepe facings and black strings, a black crepe veil, and a collar and cuffs made of black crepe. For the next three months, it is black silk with crepe trimming, and a white or black lace collar and cuffs, along with a tulle veil and white bonnet facings; and for the final three months, shades of gray, purple, and [Pg 339]violet. The mourning for a child is the same as that for a parent."
"Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six months, three months black woolen goods, white collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon; six weeks in black silk trimmed with crape, lace collar and cuffs, short tulle veil; and six weeks in gray, purple, white and violet.
"Mourning for a grandparent lasts for six months: three months in black woolen clothing, with a white collar and cuffs, a short crape veil, and a bonnet made of crape trimmed with black silk or ribbon; then six weeks in black silk with crape trim, lace collar, and cuffs, along with a short tulle veil; and finally six weeks in gray, purple, white, and violet."
"Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an inheritance, is the same as that worn for a grandparent.
"Mourning for a friend who leaves you an inheritance is the same as mourning for a grandparent."
"Mourning for a brother or sister is worn six months, two months in solid black trimmed with crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of black with white facing and black strings; two months in black silk, with white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white and violet.
"Mourning for a brother or sister lasts six months: two months in solid black trimmed with crape, a white linen collar and cuffs, and a black bonnet with white facing and black strings; two months in black silk with a white lace collar and cuffs; and two months in gray, purple, white, and violet."
"Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three months, and is the second mourning named above, tulle, white linen and white bonnet facings being worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is worn for the same length of time.
"Mourning for an uncle or aunt lasts for three months, which is the second mourning mentioned above. During this time, tulle, white linen, and white bonnet facings are all worn together. The same applies for a nephew or niece, with the same mourning period."
"The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they should be of cloth, silk or thread; and no jewelry is permitted during the first month of close mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits—in fact, trimming of any kind—is forbidden in deep mourning, but worn when it is lightened.
"The deepest mourning does not allow for gentleness; it should be made of cloth, silk, or thread; and no jewelry is allowed during the first month of close mourning. Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits—in fact, any kind of trimming—is not allowed in deep mourning, but can be worn when it is lightened."
"Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer fine linen, with a border of black, very wide for close mourning, narrower as the black is lightened.[Pg 340]
"Mourning handkerchiefs should be made of very lightweight fine linen, with a wide black border for deep mourning, and a narrower border as the mourning lightens.[Pg 340]
"Mourning silks should be perfectly lusterless, and the ribbons worn without any gloss.
"Mourning silks should be completely matte, and the ribbons should be worn without any shine."
"Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress, even if they are not in mourning; and it is bad taste to appear with a gay bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion.
"Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should always wear a black dress, even if they are not in mourning; and it is poor taste to show up with a cheerful hat or shawl, as if for a celebration."
"The mourning for children under twelve years of age is white in summer and gray in winter, with black trimmings, belt, sleeve ruffles and bonnet ribbons."
"The mourning for kids under twelve is white in the summer and gray in the winter, with black trim, belts, sleeve ruffles, and bonnet ribbons."

CHAPTER XXXI.
Harmony of Colors in Dress.

HE selection and proper arrangement of colors, so that they will produce the most pleasant harmony, is one of the most desirable requisites in dress. Sir Joshua Reynolds says: "Color is the last attainment of excellence in every school of painting." The same may also be said in regard to the art of using colors in dress. Nevertheless, it is the first thing to which we should give our attention and study.
We put bright colors upon our little children; we dress our young girls in light and delicate shades; the blooming matron is justified in adopting the warm, rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, while black and neutral tints are declared appropriate to the old.
We dress our little kids in bright colors; we put our young girls in light and gentle shades; the blooming woman is right to embrace the warm, rich colors we see in autumn leaves, while black and neutral tones are considered suitable for the elderly.
One color should predominate in the dress; and if another is adopted, it should be in a limited quantity and only by way of contrast or harmony. Some colors may never, under any circumstances, be worn together, because they produce positive discord to the eye. If the [Pg 342]dress be blue, red should never be introduced by way of trimming, or vice versa. Red and blue, red and yellow, blue and yellow, and scarlet and crimson may never be united in the same costume. If the dress be red, green maybe introduced in a minute quantity; if blue, orange; if green, crimson. Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, each killing the other whenever they meet.
One color should dominate in the outfit; if another color is used, it should be in a small amount and only for contrast or harmony. Some colors should never be worn together because they clash visibly. If the dress is blue, red should never be used as a trim, and vice versa. Red and blue, red and yellow, blue and yellow, and scarlet and crimson should never be in the same outfit. If the dress is red, green can be added in a very small amount; if blue, add orange; if green, add crimson. Scarlet and solferino are complete opposites, each overshadowing the other whenever they are together.
Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, may not be used in equal quantities in the dress, as they are both so positive in tone that they divide and distract the attention. When two colors are worn in any quantity, one must approach a neutral tint, such as gray or drab. Black may be worn with any color, though it looks best with the lighter shades of the different colors. White may also be worn with any color, though it looks best with the darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect than though the black were united with the crimson and the white with the pink. Drab, being a shade of no color between black and white, may be worn with equal effect with all.
Two contrasting colors, like red and green, shouldn’t be used in equal amounts in an outfit because they’re both so bold that they divide and distract attention. When wearing two colors, one should lean towards a neutral color, like gray or beige. Black can be paired with any color, but it looks best with lighter shades. White can also go with any color, but it is most flattering with darker tones. So, combinations like white and crimson or black and pink create a better contrast and a richer effect than mixing black with crimson and white with pink. Beige, being a neutral shade between black and white, can be worn well with any color.
A person of very fair, delicate complexion, should always wear the most delicate of tints, such as light blue, mauve and pea-green. A brunette requires bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring out the brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid face and auburn hair call for blue.
A person with a very fair, delicate complexion should always wear the most subtle colors, like light blue, mauve, and pea-green. A brunette needs bright colors, like scarlet and orange, to highlight the vibrant tones in her complexion. A rosy face and auburn hair need blue.
Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by scarlet, orange or white, and will bear diamonds, pearls or lustreless gold.[Pg 343]
Black hair gets its color and depth boosted by red, orange, or white, and can be adorned with diamonds, pearls, or dull gold.[Pg 343]
Dark brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue in a lesser quantity.
Dark brown hair will have light blue or, to a lesser extent, dark blue.
If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale yellowish green will by reflection produce the lacking warm tint.
If the hair lacks vibrant color, a pale yellowish-green will reflect and create the missing warm tone.
Light brown hair requires blue, which sets off to advantage the golden tint.
Light brown hair looks great with blue, which enhances the golden tones.
Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or white flowers.
Pure gold or yellow hair needs blue, and its beauty is enhanced by adding pearls or white flowers.
Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet to tone it down. If of a golden red, blue, green, purple or black will bring out the richness of its tints.
Auburn hair, especially when it leans towards red, needs a touch of scarlet to balance it out. If it's a golden red, shades like blue, green, purple, or black will enhance the depth of its tones.
Flaxen hair requires blue.
Blonde hair needs blue.
The material for dress must be selected with reference to the purpose which it is to serve. No one buys a yellow satin dress for the promenade, yet a yellow satin seen by gaslight is beautiful, as an evening-dress. Neither would one buy a heavy serge of neutral tint for an opera-dress.
The fabric for a dress should be chosen based on its intended use. No one buys a yellow satin dress for a casual stroll, but a yellow satin dress looks stunning under gaslight as an evening gown. Similarly, you wouldn’t choose a heavy neutral-toned serge for an opera dress.
A small person may dress in light colors which would be simply ridiculous on a person of larger proportions. So a lady of majestic appearance should never wear white, but will be seen to the best advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of diminutive stature is dressed in bad taste when she appears in a garment with large [Pg 344]figures, plaids or stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions be seen in similar garments, because, united with her size, they give her a "loud" appearance. Indeed, pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are never in perfect taste.
A short person can pull off light colors that would look completely silly on someone bigger. So, a woman with a commanding presence should avoid wearing white and will look best in black or darker shades. When a petite woman wears clothes with large [Pg 344] patterns, plaids, or stripes, it’s just bad taste. A larger woman shouldn't wear these kinds of clothes either, as they make her look even more overwhelming. In general, bold patterns and wide stripes and plaids are never really stylish.
Heavy, rich materials suit a tall figure, while light, full draperies should only be worn by those of slender proportions and not too short. The very short and stout must be content with meagre drapery and quiet colors.
Heavy, rich fabrics work well for tall people, while light, flowing fabrics should be worn only by those who are slender and not too short. Very short and stout individuals should stick to simple drapes and muted colors.
Tall and slim persons should avoid stripes; short, chunky ones, flounces, or any horizontal trimming of the dress which, by breaking the outline from the waist to the feet, produces an effect of shortening.
Tall and slim people should steer clear of stripes; shorter, stockier ones should avoid flounces or any horizontal details on the dress that, by interrupting the line from the waist to the feet, create a shortening effect.
Colors may form a harmony either by contrast or by analogy. When two remote shades of one color are associated, such as very light blue and a very dark blue, they harmonize by contrast, though the harmony may be neither striking nor perfect. When two colors which are similar to each other are grouped, such as orange and scarlet, crimson and orange, they harmonize by analogy. A harmony of contrast is characterized by brilliancy and decision, and a harmony of analogy by a quiet and pleasing association of colors.
Colors can create harmony either through contrast or through similarity. When two distant shades of the same color are paired, like very light blue and very dark blue, they harmonize through contrast, although the harmony may not be very striking or perfect. When similar colors are grouped together, like orange and scarlet or crimson and orange, they harmonize through similarity. Contrast harmony is marked by brightness and clarity, while similarity harmony offers a calm and pleasing blend of colors.
When a color is chosen which is favorable to the complexion, it is well to associate with it the tints which will harmonize by analogy, as to use contrasting colors would diminish its favorable effect. When a color is [Pg 345]used in dress, not suitable to the complexion, it should be associated with contrasting colors, as they have the power to neutralize its objectionable influence.
When you pick a color that looks good with your skin tone, it's best to pair it with shades that match well together; using contrasting colors can lessen its positive impact. If a color is [Pg 345]worn in an outfit that doesn't suit your complexion, it should be matched with contrasting colors since they can counteract the less flattering effect.

Colors of similar power which contrast with each other, mutually intensify each other's brilliancy, as blue and orange, scarlet and green; but dark and light colors associated do not intensify each other to the same degree, the dark appearing darker and the light appearing [Pg 346]lighter, as dark blue and straw color. Colors which harmonize with each other by analogy, reduce each other's brilliancy to a greater or less degree, as white and yellow, blue and purple, black and brown.
Colors of similar intensity that contrast with each other boost each other's brightness, like blue and orange or scarlet and green. However, dark and light colors paired together don't enhance each other as much; the dark looks darker and the light looks lighter, like dark blue and straw color. Colors that harmonize by being similar tend to diminish each other's brightness to some extent, such as white and yellow, blue and purple, or black and brown.
The various shades of purple and lilac, dark blues and dark greens, lose much of their brilliancy by gaslight, while orange, scarlet, crimson, the light browns and light greens, gain brilliancy by a strong artificial light.
The different shades of purple and lilac, dark blues and dark greens, lose a lot of their brightness under gaslight, while orange, scarlet, crimson, light browns, and light greens become more vibrant in strong artificial light.
Below the reader will find a list of colors that harmonize, forming most agreeable combinations, in which are included all the latest and most fashionable shades and colors:
Below the reader will find a list of colors that go well together, creating very pleasing combinations that include all the latest and trendiest shades and colors:
Black and lilac.
Black and scarlet.
Black and maize.
Black and slate color.
Black and orange, a rich harmony.
Black and white, a perfect harmony.
Black and brown, a dull harmony.
Black and drab or buff.
Black, white or yellow and crimson.
Black, orange, blue and scarlet.
Black and chocolate brown.
Black and shaded cardinal.
Black and cardinal.
Black, yellow, bronze and light blue.
Black, cardinal, blue and old gold.
Blue and brown.
Blue and black.
Blue and gold, a rich harmony.
Blue and orange, a perfect harmony.
Blue and chestnut (or chocolate).
Blue and maize.
[Pg 347] Blue and straw color.
Blue and white.
Blue and fawn color, weak harmony.
Blue and stone color.
Blue and drab.
Blue and lilac, weak harmony.
Blue and crimson, imperfectly.
Blue and pink, poor harmony.
Blue and salmon color.
Blue, scarlet and purple (or lilac).
Blue, orange and black.
Blue, orange and green.
Blue, brown, crimson and gold (or yellow).
Blue, orange, black and white.
Blue, pink and bronze green.
Blue, cardinal and old gold.
Blue, yellow, chocolate-brown and gold.
Blue, mulberry and yellow.
Bronze and old gold.
Bronze, pink and light blue.
Bronze, black, blue, pink and gold.
Bronze, cardinal and peacock blue.
Brown, blue, green, cardinal and yellow.
Brown, yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.
Crimson and gold, rich harmony.
Crimson and orange, rich harmony.
Crimson and brown, dull harmony.
Crimson and black, dull harmony.
Crimson and drab.
Crimson and maize.
Crimson and purple.
Cardinal and old gold.
Cardinal, brown and black.
Cardinal and navy blue.
Chocolate, blue, pink and gold.
Claret and old gold.
Dark green, white and cardinal.
Ecrue, bronze and peacock.
Ecrue and light blue.
[Pg 348] Garnet, bronze and pink.
Gensd'arme and cardinal.
Gensd'arme and bronze.
Gensd'arme and myrtle.
Gensd'arme and old gold.
Gensd'arme, yellow and cardinal.
Gensd'arme, pink, cardinal and lavender.
Green and gold, or gold color.
Green and scarlet.
Green and orange.
Green and yellow.
Green, crimson, blue and gold, or yellow.
Green, blue and scarlet.
Green, gold and mulberry.
Green and cardinal.
Lilac and white, poor.
Lilac and gray, poor.
Lilac and maize.
Lilac and cherry.
Lilac and gold, or gold color.
Lilac and scarlet.
Lilac and crimson.
Lilac, scarlet and white or black.
Lilac, gold color and crimson.
Lilac, yellow or gold, scarlet and white.
Light pink and garnet.
Light drab, pine, yellow and white.
Myrtle and old gold.
Myrtle and bronze.
Myrtle, red, blue and yellow.
Myrtle, mulberry, cardinal, gold and light green.
Mulberry and old gold.
Mulberry and gold.
Mulberry and bronze.
Mulberry, bronze and gold.
Mulberry and pearl.
Mode, pearl and mulberry.
Maroon, yellow, silvery gray and light green.
Navy blue, light blue and gold.
[Pg 349] Navy blue, gensd'arme and pearl.
Navy blue, maize, cardinal and yellow.
Orange and bronze, agreeable.
Orange and chestnut.
Orange, lilac and crimson.
Orange, red and green.
Orange, purple and scarlet.
Orange, blue, scarlet and purple.
Orange, blue, scarlet and claret.
Orange, blue, scarlet, white and green.
Orange, blue and crimson.
Pearl, light blue and peacock blue.
Peacock blue and light gold.
Peacock blue and old gold.
Peacock blue and cardinal.
Peacock blue, pearl, gold and cardinal.
Purple and maize.
Purple and blue.
Purple and gold, or gold color, rich.
Purple and orange, rich.
Purple and black, heavy.
Purple and white, cold.
Purple, scarlet and gold color.
Purple, scarlet and white.
Purple, scarlet, blue and orange.
Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and black.
Red and white, or gray.
Red and gold, or gold color.
Red, orange and green.
Red, yellow or gold color and black.
Red, gold color, black and white.
Seal brown, gold and cardinal.
Sapphire and bronze.
Sapphire and old gold.
Sapphire and cardinal.
Sapphire and light blue.
Sapphire and light pink.
Sapphire and corn.
Sapphire and garnet.
[Pg 350] Sapphire and mulberry.
Shaded blue and black.
Scarlet and blue.
Scarlet and slate color.
Scarlet and orange.
Scarlet, blue and white.
Scarlet, blue and yellow.
Scarlet, black and white.
Scarlet, blue, black and yellow.
Shaded blue, shaded garnet and shaded gold.
Shaded blue and black.
White and cherry.
White and crimson.
White and brown.
White and pink.
White and scarlet.
White and gold color, poor.
Yellow and black.
Yellow and brown.
Yellow and red.
Yellow and chestnut or chocolate.
Yellow and white, poor.
Yellow and purple, agreeable.
Yellow and violet.
Yellow and lilac, weak.
Yellow and blue, cold.
Yellow and crimson.
Yellow, purple and crimson.
Yellow, purple, scarlet and blue.
Yellow, cardinal and peacock blue.
Yellow, pink, maroon and light blue.

CHAPTER XXXII.
The Toilet.

O appear at all times neat, clean and tidy, is demanded of every well-bred person. The dress may be plain, rich or extravagant, but there must be a neatness and cleanliness of the person. Whether a lady is possessed of few or many personal attractions, it is her duty at all times to appear tidy and clean, and to make herself as comely and attractive as circumstances and surroundings will permit. The same may be said of a gentleman. If a gentleman calls upon a lady, his duty and his respect for her demand that he shall appear not only in good clothes, but with well combed hair, exquisitely clean hands, well trimmed beard or cleanly shaven face, while the lady will not show herself in an untidy dress, or disheveled hair. They should appear at their best.
Upon the minor details of the toilet depend, in a great degree, the health, not to say the beauty, of the individual. In fact the highest state of health is equiv[Pg 352]alent to the highest degree of beauty of which the individual is capable.
Upon the small details of personal hygiene depend, to a large extent, the health, not to mention the appearance, of the person. In fact, the best state of health is equal to the greatest level of beauty that the individual can achieve.
Perfumes, if used at all, should be used in the strictest moderation, and be of the most recherche kind. Musk and patchouli should always be avoided, as, to many people of sensitive temperament, their odor is exceedingly disagreeable. Cologne water of the best quality is never offensive.
Perfumes, when used, should be used very sparingly and be of the most recherche quality. Musk and patchouli should always be avoided, as their scent can be extremely unpleasant for many sensitive individuals. High-quality cologne is never offensive.
Cleanliness is the outward sign of inward purity. Cleanliness of the person is health, and health is beauty. The bath is consequently a very important means of preserving the health and enhancing the beauty. It is not to be supposed that we bathe simply to become clean, but because we wish to remain clean. Cold water refreshes and invigorates, but does not cleanse, and persons who daily use a sponge bath in the morning, should frequently use a warm one, of from ninety-six to one hundred degrees Fahrenheit for cleansing purposes. When a plunge bath is taken, the safest temperature is from eighty to ninety degrees, which answers the purposes of both cleansing and refreshing. Soap should be plentifully used, and the fleshbrush applied vigorously, drying with a coarse Turkish towel. Nothing improves the complexion like the daily use of the fleshbrush, with early rising and exercise in the open air.[Pg 353]
Cleanliness is the outward sign of inner purity. Personal hygiene is essential for health, and health contributes to beauty. Taking a bath is therefore a crucial way to maintain health and enhance beauty. We don’t just bathe to get clean; we do it to stay clean. Cold water refreshes and energizes, but it doesn’t actually cleanse, so people who take a sponge bath every morning should also use a warm bath, between ninety-six and one hundred degrees Fahrenheit, for proper cleansing. When taking a plunge bath, the safest temperature is between eighty and ninety degrees, which effectively cleanses and refreshes. Use plenty of soap, and apply a flesh brush vigorously, drying off with a coarse Turkish towel. Nothing improves the complexion like daily use of the flesh brush, waking up early, and exercising outdoors.[Pg 353]
In many houses, in large cities, there is a separate bath-room, with hot and cold water, but in smaller places and country houses this convenience is not to be found. A substitute for the bath-room is a large piece of oil-cloth, which can be laid upon the floor of an ordinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed the bath tub or basin, or a person may use it to stand upon while taking a sponge bath. The various kinds of baths, both hot and cold, are the shower bath, the douche, the hip bath and the sponge bath.
In many homes in big cities, there's a separate bathroom with hot and cold water, but in smaller places and country houses, this isn't usually available. A substitute for the bathroom is a large piece of oilcloth that can be laid on the floor of a regular dressing room. You can place a tub or basin on it, or someone might use it to stand on while taking a sponge bath. The different types of baths, both hot and cold, include the shower, the douche, the hip bath, and the sponge bath.
The shower bath can only be endured by the most vigorous constitutions, and therefore cannot be recommended for indiscriminate use.
The shower bath can only be tolerated by the strongest bodies, so it isn’t suitable for everyone.
A douche or hip bath may be taken every morning, with the temperature of the water suited to the endurance of the individual. In summer a sponge bath may be taken upon retiring. Once a week a warm bath, at from ninety to one hundred degrees, may be taken, with plenty of soap, in order to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the skin. Rough towels should be vigorously used after these baths, not only to remove the impurities of the skin but for the beneficial friction which will send a glow over the whole body. The hair glove or flesh brush may be used to advantage in the bath before the towel is applied.
A douche or hip bath can be taken every morning, with the water temperature adjusted to the person's tolerance. In the summer, a sponge bath can be taken before bed. Once a week, take a warm bath at temperatures between ninety and one hundred degrees, using plenty of soap to thoroughly cleanse the skin's pores. After these baths, use rough towels vigorously, not just to remove skin impurities but for the beneficial friction that will create a healthy glow all over the body. A hair glove or body brush can also be beneficial in the bath before using the towel.
The teeth should be carefully brushed with a hard brush after each meal, and also on retiring at night. Use the brush so that not only the outside of the teeth [Pg 354]becomes white, but the inside also. After the brush is used plunge it two or three times into a glass of water, then rub it quite dry on a towel.
The teeth should be carefully brushed with a hard brush after every meal, and also before going to bed at night. Use the brush to make sure that not only the outside of the teeth [Pg 354] gets clean, but the inside does too. After using the brush, dip it two or three times into a glass of water, then dry it completely on a towel.
Use tooth-washes or powders very sparingly. Castile soap used once a day, with frequent brushings with pure water and a brush, cannot fail to keep the teeth clean and white, unless they are disfigured and destroyed by other bad habits, such as the use of tobacco, or too hot or too cold drinks.
Use toothpaste or powders very sparingly. Castile soap used once a day, along with frequent brushing with clean water and a brush, will definitely keep your teeth clean and white, unless they're damaged by other bad habits, like smoking or drinking excessively hot or cold beverages.
On the slightest appearance of decay or tendency to accumulate tartar, go at once to the dentist. If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neglected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually destroyed. A dentist seeing the tooth in its first stage, will remove the decayed part and plug the cavity in a proper manner.
On the first signs of decay or buildup of tartar, head to the dentist immediately. If a dark spot shows up under the enamel and is ignored, it will continue to spread until the tooth is completely destroyed. A dentist who examines the tooth at this early stage will remove the decayed portion and properly fill the cavity.
Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires equally early attention. It results from an impaired state of the general health, and assumes the form of a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and vigorous use of the tooth brush; but if a firm, solid mass accumulates, it is necessary to have it chipped off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the teeth on which it fixes, and is pretty certain to have produced one obnoxious effect—that of tainting the breath. Washing the teeth [Pg 355]with vinegar when the brush is used has been recommended as a means of removing tartar.
Tartar is not easy to handle, but it needs prompt attention. It comes from poor overall health and shows up as a yellowish buildup on the teeth and gums. At first, you can keep it at bay by using your toothbrush vigorously and regularly; however, if a hard mass forms, you'll need a dentist to remove it. Unfortunately, by that point, it may have already started to loosen and damage the teeth it's attached to, and it's likely to have caused another unpleasant issue—bad breath. Some have suggested rinsing the teeth [Pg 355] with vinegar while brushing to help get rid of tartar.
Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons are subject, may sometimes be met by the use of salt and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth frequently with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it.
Tender gums can sometimes be soothed by using a saltwater rinse, but it's also a good idea to rinse your mouth often with water mixed with a few drops of myrrh tincture.
Foul breath, unless caused by neglected teeth, indicates a deranged state of the system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other local case, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of solution of chloride of lime in half a tumbler of water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting the breath, may be glad to know that the common parsley has a peculiar effect in removing the odor of tobacco.
Bad breath, unless caused by poor dental hygiene, signals an upset in the body's overall condition. If it's due to teeth or another local issue, try a gargle made from a tablespoon of chlorine lime solution in half a glass of water. Guys who smoke and therefore have bad breath might be pleased to know that regular parsley has a special ability to neutralize the smell of tobacco.
Beauty and health of the skin can only be obtained by perfect cleanliness of the entire person, an avoidance of all cosmetics, added to proper diet, correct habits and early habits of rising and exercise. The skin must be thoroughly washed, occasionally with warm water and soap, to remove the oily exudations on its surface. If any unpleasant sensations are experienced after the use of soap, they may be immediately removed by rinsing the surface with water to which a little lemon juice or vinegar has been added.[Pg 356]
Beauty and healthy skin can only be achieved through complete cleanliness of the whole body, avoiding all cosmetics, along with a proper diet, good habits, and an early rising schedule that includes exercise. The skin should be washed thoroughly, sometimes with warm water and soap, to get rid of the oily buildup on its surface. If any discomfort occurs after using soap, it can be quickly relieved by rinsing the skin with water mixed with a bit of lemon juice or vinegar.[Pg 356]
The following rules may be given for the preservation of a youthful complexion: Rise early and go to bed early. Take plenty of exercise. Use plenty of cold water and good soap frequently. Be moderate in eating and drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as much as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded assemblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the skin. The latter dry the skin, and only defeat the end they are supposed to have in view.
The following rules can help you keep a youthful complexion: Wake up early and go to bed early. Get plenty of exercise. Use lots of cold water and good soap regularly. Eat and drink in moderation. Don’t wear tight clothing. Try to avoid the unhealthy air of crowded places. Stay away from makeup and skin washes. The latter can dry out your skin and ultimately work against the results they claim to achieve.
Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the face, but they should not be tampered with in any way. The only safe and certain mode of getting rid of moles is by a surgical operation.
Moles can often cause significant cosmetic concerns on the face, but they shouldn't be treated or removed on your own. The only safe and reliable method for removing moles is through surgery.
Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by exposure to the sunshine, and consequently evanescent, are denominated "summer freckles;" those which are constitutional and permanent are called "cold freckles." With regard to the latter, it is impossible to give any advice which will be of value. They result from causes not to be affected by mere external applications. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal with, and with a little care the skin may be kept free from this cause of disfigurement. Some skins are so delicate that they become freckled on the slightest exposure to open air in summer. The cause assigned for this is that the iron [Pg 357]in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen, leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. We give in their appropriate places some recipes for removing these latter freckles from the face.
Freckles come in two types. The ones caused by sun exposure, which fade away, are called "summer freckles;" whereas the ones that are genetic and permanent are referred to as "cold freckles." Unfortunately, there's not much advice that can help with the latter since they come from factors that can’t be changed by simple topical treatments. Summer freckles are easier to manage, and with a bit of care, the skin can stay free from this cosmetic issue. Some skins are so sensitive that they develop freckles from just a little sun exposure in the summer. The reason given for this is that the iron [Pg 357] in the blood interacts with oxygen, leaving a rusty mark at the point of contact. We provide some recipes in their respective sections for removing these summer freckles from the face.
There are various other discolorations of the skin, proceeding frequently from derangement of the system. The cause should always be discovered before attempting a remedy; otherwise you may aggravate the complaint rather than cure it.
There are various other skin discolorations that often result from imbalances in the body. The cause should always be identified before trying to treat it; otherwise, you might make the issue worse instead of improving it.
Beautiful eyes are the gift of Nature, and can owe little to the toilet. As in the eye consists much of the expression of the face, therefore it should be borne in mind that those who would have their eyes bear a pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing traits of character and beautify the soul, and then this beautiful soul will look through its natural windows.
Beautiful eyes are a gift from Nature and depend little on makeup. Since the eyes carry a lot of the expression of the face, it's important to remember that those who want their eyes to have a pleasing expression should develop positive character traits and beautify their soul. Then, this beautiful soul will shine through its natural windows.
Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of destroying them. All daubing or dyeing of the lids is foolish and vulgar.
Never mess with the eyes. There's a risk of damaging them. Painting or coloring the eyelids is silly and unrefined.
Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. It may be acquired by bad habits in youth. A short-sighted person should supply himself with glasses exactly adapted to his wants; but it is well not to use these glasses too constantly, as, even when they per[Pg 358]fectly fit the eye, they really tend to shorten the sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it is best to keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordinarily to the unaided eye. Parents and teachers should watch their children and see that they do not acquire the habit of holding their books too close to their eyes, and thus injure their sight.
Short-sightedness isn't always a natural issue. It can develop from bad habits during childhood. A short-sighted person should get glasses that fit their needs, but it's important not to rely on them too much. Even if the glasses are a perfect fit, they can actually lead to worsening vision. Unless someone is very short-sighted, it's better to use glasses only occasionally and rely on their natural vision most of the time. Parents and teachers should keep an eye on children and ensure they don't develop the habit of holding books too close to their eyes, which could damage their eyesight.
Parents should also be careful that their children do not become squint or cross-eyed through any carelessness. A child's hair hanging down loosely over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over them, or a loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the forehead, is sometimes sufficient to direct the sight irregularly until it becomes permanently crossed.
Parents should also be mindful that their children don’t become squint or cross-eyed due to negligence. A child's hair hanging loosely over their eyes, a bonnet sticking out too far, or a loose ribbon or tape flapping over the forehead can sometimes be enough to make their sight go irregular until it becomes permanently crossed.
A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the eye. The lashes may be lengthened by trimming them occasionally in childhood. Care should be taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and especially that the points of the scissors do not penetrate the eye. The eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the direction in which they should lie. In general, it is in exceeding bad taste to dye either lashes or brows, for it usually brings them into disharmony with the hair and features. There are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise fine countenance is utterly ruined by white lashes and brows. In such cases one can hardly be blamed if[Pg 359] India ink is resorted to to give them the desired color. Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty in no way, and may result in an irregular growth of new hair.
A beautiful eyelash is an essential complement to the eye. Lashes can be lengthened by trimming them occasionally during childhood. Care should be taken to ensure that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, and especially that the points of the scissors do not get too close to the eye. The eyebrows can be brushed carefully in the direction they should naturally lie. In general, it's in very poor taste to dye either lashes or brows, as it often clashes with the hair and facial features. However, there are instances when the beauty of an otherwise attractive face is significantly diminished by white lashes and brows. In such cases, it’s understandable to use India ink to achieve the desired color. Never shave the brows. It doesn’t enhance their beauty and may lead to uneven growth of new hair.
The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. They should never be strained in an imperfect light, whether that of shrouded daylight, twilight or flickering lamp or candle-light. Many persons have an idea that an habitually dark room is best for the eyes. On the contrary, it weakens them and renders them permanently unable to bear the light of the sun. Our eyes were naturally designed to endure the broad light of day, and the nearer we approach to this in our houses, the stronger will be our eyes and the longer will we retain our sight.
The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. They should never be strained in poor lighting, whether it’s dim daylight, twilight, or flickering lamp or candlelight. Many people think that keeping a room dark is better for the eyes. On the contrary, it weakens them and makes them unable to handle sunlight over time. Our eyes are naturally meant to handle bright daylight, and the closer we get to that in our homes, the stronger our eyes will be, and the longer we will keep our vision.
Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over the nose. This is usually considered a disfigurement, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a consolation for such people to know that the ancients admired this style of eyebrows, and that Michael Angelo possessed it. It is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs; and if a depilatory is applied, a mark like that of a scar left from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than the hair.
Some people have eyebrows that meet over the nose. This is often seen as a flaw, but there isn’t really a fix for it. It might be comforting for those individuals to know that ancient cultures admired this type of eyebrow, and that Michelangelo had them. It's pointless to pluck the hairs that connect them; and if you use a hair removal cream, it leaves a mark similar to a scar from a burn, which is even more unattractive than the hair.
If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, do not seek to remove the scales roughly, for they will [Pg 360]bring the lashes with them. Apply at night a little cold cream to the edges of the closed eyelids, and wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water. It is well to have on the toilet-table a remedy for inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is simple and well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and wash off with rose-water in the morning. There is a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same size in a quart of water; put the ingredients into the water cold and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes frequently with it.
If the eyelids get inflamed and flaky, don't try to scrape the flakes off aggressively, as that will pull out the eyelashes too. At night, apply a bit of cold cream to the edges of your closed eyelids, and wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and water. It’s a good idea to have a treatment for swollen eyes on your vanity. Spermaceti ointment is straightforward and works well for this. Apply it at night and rinse it off with rose water in the morning. You can also make a simple lotion by dissolving a very small piece of alum and an equal-sized piece of lump sugar in a quart of water; add the ingredients to cold water and let them simmer. Use it to bathe your eyes frequently.
A sty in the eye is irritating and disfiguring. Bathe with warm water; at night apply a bread-and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be obstinate, a little citrine ointment may be applied, care being taken that it does not get into the eye.
A stye in the eye is annoying and unattractive. Rinse it with warm water; at night, use a bread-and-milk poultice. When a whitehead appears, gently prick it with a fine needle. If the swelling is stubborn, you can use a little citrine ointment, making sure it doesn’t get into the eye.
There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an individual, especially a lady, as a good head of hair. The skin of the head requires even more tenderness and cleanliness than any other portion of the body, and is capable of being irritated by disease. The hair should be brushed carefully. The brush should be of moderate hardness, not too hard. The hair should be separated, in order that the head itself may be well brushed, as by doing so the scurf is removed, and that is most essential, [Pg 361]as it is not only unpleasant and unsightly, but if suffered to remain it becomes saturated with perspiration, and tends to weaken the roots of the hair, so that it is easily pulled out. In brushing or combing, begin at the extreme points, and in combing, hold the portion of hair just above that through which the comb is passing, firmly between the first and second fingers, so that if it is entangled it may drag from that point, and not from the roots. The finest head of hair may be spoiled by the practice of plunging the comb into it high up and dragging it in a reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are thus created, and become very troublesome.
There’s nothing that adds to the charm of a person, especially a woman, like a good head of hair. The scalp needs even more care and cleanliness than any other part of the body and can be irritated by various conditions. Hair should be brushed gently. The brush should have a moderate firmness—not too stiff. The hair should be sectioned so the scalp can be properly brushed, as this removes dandruff, which is crucial, [Pg 361]since it’s not only unpleasant but can become soaked with sweat and weaken the hair roots, making them easy to pull out. When brushing or combing, start at the tips. When combing, hold the section of hair just above where the comb is working tightly between your first and second fingers, so that if it gets tangled, it pulls from that point rather than from the roots. Even the best hair can be damaged by carelessly jamming the comb in too high and pulling harshly. This creates short, broken hairs that are very annoying.
Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. A white, concrete oil pertains naturally to the covering of the human head, but some persons have it in more abundance than others. Those whose hair is glossy and shining need nothing to render it so; but when the hair is harsh, poor and dry, artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who perspire freely, or who accumulate scurf rapidly, require it also. Nothing is simpler or better in the way of oil than pure, unscented salad oil, and in the way of a pomatum, bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. Apply either with the hands, or keep a soft brush for the purpose, but take care not to use the oil too freely. An overoiled head of hair is vulgar and offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil applied to the hair. It is well also to keep a piece of flannel with which to rub the hair at night after brushing it, in [Pg 362]order to remove the oil before laying the head upon the pillow.
Don't slather your hair with oil or pomade. A natural, light oil is expected for hair, but some people have more of it than others. Those with glossy, shiny hair don’t need anything to enhance it; however, if your hair is rough, weak, and dry, some extra moisture is necessary. People who sweat a lot or get dandruff easily also benefit from it. The simplest and best option for oil is pure, unscented salad oil, and for pomade, bear's grease is quite nice. You can apply either with your hands or use a soft brush, but be careful not to overdo it. An excessively oily head looks cheap and unpleasant. Strong scents in hair oil are also off-putting. It's a good idea to keep a piece of flannel to wipe your hair at night after brushing it, in [Pg 362]order to remove the oil before you put your head on the pillow.
Vinegar and water form a good wash for the roots of the hair. Ammonia diluted in water is still better.
Vinegar and water make a great rinse for hair roots. Ammonia diluted in water is even better.
The hair-brush should be frequently washed in diluted ammonia.
The hairbrush should be washed regularly with diluted ammonia.
For removing scurf, glycerine, diluted with a little rose-water, will be found of service. Any preparation of rosemary forms an agreeable and highly cleansing wash. The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is an excellent application to the scalp. Many heads of hair require nothing more in the way of wash than soap and water. Beware of letting the hair grow too long, as the points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to have the ends clipped off once a month.
To remove dandruff, glycerin mixed with a bit of rose water can be very helpful. Any rosemary product makes for a pleasant and effective cleansing wash. Beating the yolk of an egg into warm water is a great treatment for the scalp. Many hair types only need soap and water for washing. Avoid letting your hair grow too long, as the ends can become weak and split. It's a good idea to get the ends trimmed every month.
Young girls should wear their hair cut short until they are grown up, if they would have it then in its best condition.
Young girls should keep their hair short until they grow up if they want it to be in its best condition later on.
A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is almost impossible to give the hair a tint which harmonizes with the complexion. If the hair begins to change early, and the color goes in patches, procure from the druggist's a preparation of the husk of the walnut water of eau crayon. This will, by daily application, darken the tint of the hair without actually dyeing it. When the change of color has gone on to any great extent, it is better to abandon the application and put up with the change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in accordance with the change of the face. Indeed, there is [Pg 363]nothing more beautiful than soft, white hair worn in bands or clustering curls about the face. The walnut water may be used for toning down too red hair.
A major drawback to dyeing your hair is that it’s nearly impossible to find a color that matches your complexion. If your hair starts changing color early and does so in patches, get a product made from walnut husks, often referred to as eau crayon, from the pharmacy. Applying this daily can darken your hair without actually dyeing it. If the color change has progressed significantly, it's better to stop using the product and accept the change, which in most cases will align with the changes in your face. In fact, there’s [Pg 363] nothing more beautiful than soft, white hair styled in bands or loose curls around the face. The walnut water can also help tone down overly red hair.
Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than ladies, owing, no doubt, to the use of the close hat, which confines and overheats the head. If the hair is found to be falling out, the first thing to do is to look to the hat and see that it is light and thoroughly ventilated. There is no greater enemy to the hair than the silk dress-hat. It is best to lay this hat aside altogether and adopt a light felt or straw in its place.
Gentlemen are more prone to baldness than women, likely because of the close-fitting hat, which traps heat and can overheat the head. If you notice your hair falling out, the first thing to do is check your hat and make sure it’s light and well-ventilated. There’s no bigger enemy to hair than a silk dress hat. It’s best to put that hat aside completely and switch to a light felt or straw hat instead.
Long, flowing hair on a man is not in good taste, and will indicate him to the observer as a person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic character—a man, in brief, who seeks to impress others with the fact that he is eccentric, something which a really eccentric person never attempts.
Long, flowing hair on a man isn’t fashionable and will show others that he has an unstable mind and an oddly unpredictable personality—a man, in short, who tries to impress people with his eccentricity, which is exactly what a truly eccentric person wouldn’t do.
Those who shave should be careful to do so every morning. Nothing looks worse than a shabby beard. Some persons whose beards are strong should shave twice a day, especially if they are going to a party in the evening.
Those who shave should make sure to do it every morning. Nothing looks worse than a scruffy beard. Some people with thick beards should shave twice a day, especially if they're attending a party in the evening.
The style of the growth of the beard should be governed by the character of the face. But whatever the style be, the great point is to keep it well brushed and trimmed, and to avoid any appearance of wildness or inattention. The full, flowing beard of course requires [Pg 364]more looking after in the way of cleanliness, than any other. It should be thoroughly washed and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure to accumulate in it, and it is very easy to suffer it to become objectionable to one's self as well as to others. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to avoid the use of oil or pomatum. The moustache should be worn neatly and not over-large. There is nothing that so adds to native manliness as the full beard if carefully and neatly kept.
The way you style your beard should match the shape of your face. No matter the style, the key is to keep it well-brushed and trimmed, avoiding any messy or unkempt look. A full, flowing beard needs [Pg 364] more attention when it comes to cleanliness than any other style. You should wash and brush it thoroughly at least twice a day since dust can easily build up, and it can quickly become unappealing both to yourself and others. If your beard is naturally shiny, it's best to skip using oil or pomade. Your mustache should be neat and not too big. Nothing enhances natural manliness like a full beard, as long as it's kept tidy and well-groomed.
The beautiful hand is long and slender, with tapering fingers and pink, filbert-shaped nails. The hand to be in proper proportion to the rest of the body, should be as long as from the point of the chin to the edge of the hair on the forehead.
The beautiful hand is long and slender, with tapering fingers and pink, almond-shaped nails. To be in proper proportion to the rest of the body, the hand should be as long as the distance from the tip of the chin to the edge of the hairline on the forehead.
The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and therefore should be very frequently washed—not merely rinsed in soap and water, but thoroughly lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In cold weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjectionable, after which the hands should be dipped into cold water and very carefully dried on a fine towel.
The hands should be kept extremely clean, so they should be washed often—not just rinsed with soap and water, but thoroughly lathered and scrubbed with a soft nail brush. In cold weather, using lukewarm water is perfectly fine, and afterward, the hands should be dipped in cold water and carefully dried with a soft towel.
Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and rub them briskly for some time afterward. When this is not sufficiently attended to in cold weather, the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub a few drops of honey over them when dry, or anoint them with cold cream or glycerine before going to bed.[Pg 365]
Always make sure to dry your hands completely and rub them together for a while afterward. If you don’t pay enough attention to this in cold weather, your hands can become chapped and cracked. If that happens, apply a few drops of honey on them when they’re dry, or use cold cream or glycerine before going to bed.[Pg 365]
As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped hands, so the winter season brings with it a cure for them. A thorough washing in snow and soap will cure the worst case of chapped hands, and leave them beautifully soft.
As cold weather is the common cause of chapped hands, the winter season also offers a remedy for it. A good wash in snow and soap can heal even the worst cases of chapped hands and leave them beautifully soft.
Should you wish to make your hands white and delicate, you might wash them in milk and water for a day or two. On retiring to rest, rub them well over with some palm oil and put on a pair of woolen gloves. The hands should be thoroughly washed with hot water and soap the next morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn during the day. They should be frequently rubbed together to promote circulation. Sunburnt hands may be washed in lime-water or lemon-juice.
If you want to make your hands white and delicate, you could wash them in milk and water for a day or two. Before going to bed, rub them with some palm oil and wear a pair of wool gloves. The next morning, wash your hands thoroughly with hot water and soap, and wear a pair of soft leather gloves during the day. Make sure to rub your hands together often to improve circulation. If your hands are sunburned, you can wash them with lime water or lemon juice.
Warts, which are more common with young people than with adults, are very unsightly, and are sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best plan is to buy a stick of lunar caustic, which is sold in a holder and case at the druggist's for the purpose, dip it in water, and touch the wart every morning and evening, care being taken to cut away the withered skin before repeating the operation. A still better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day with a camel's hair pencil to the summit of the wart. Care should be taken not to allow this acid to touch any of the surrounding skin; to pre[Pg 366]vent this the finger or hand at the base of the wart may be covered with wax during the operation.
Warts, which are more common in young people than in adults, are very unattractive and can be quite hard to remove. The best approach is to buy a stick of lunar caustic, available in a holder and case at the pharmacy for this purpose, dip it in water, and apply it to the wart every morning and evening, making sure to cut away any dead skin before doing it again. An even better option is to gently apply acetic acid once a day with a camel's hair brush to the top of the wart. Be careful not to let this acid touch the surrounding skin; to avoid this, you can cover the finger or hand at the base of the wart with wax during the treatment.
Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentleman, however well dressed they may otherwise be, with unclean nails. It always results from carelessness and inattention to the minor details of the toilet, which is most reprehensible. The nails should be cut about once a week—certainly not oftener. This should be accomplished just after washing, the nail being softer at such a time. Care should be taken not to cut them too short, though, if they are left too long, they will frequently get torn and broken. They should be nicely rounded at the corners. Recollect the filbert-shaped nail is considered the most beautiful. Never bite the nails; it not only is a most disagreeable habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, deformed and difficult to clean, besides gives a red and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips.
Nothing is more off-putting than seeing a lady or gentleman, no matter how well-dressed they might be, with dirty nails. It always shows a lack of care and attention to the small details of grooming, which is really unacceptable. Nails should be trimmed about once a week—not more often. This should be done right after washing them, as they are softer at that time. Be careful not to cut them too short, but if you leave them too long, they often get torn and broken. They should be nicely rounded at the corners. Remember, the almond-shaped nail is considered the most attractive. Never bite your nails; it’s not only an unpleasant habit, but it also makes nails jagged, misshapen, and hard to clean, plus it gives your fingertips a red and stubby look.
Some persons are troubled by the cuticle adhering to the nail as it grows. This may be pressed down by the towel after washing; or should that not prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge with some blunt instrument. On no account scrape the nails with a view to polishing their surface. Such an operation only tends to make them wrinkled.
Some people are bothered by the cuticle sticking to the nail as it grows. This can be pressed down with a towel after washing; or if that doesn’t work, it should be loosened around the edge with a blunt instrument. Under no circumstances should you scrape the nails to try to polish their surface. Doing so will only make them wrinkled.
Absolute smallness of hand is not essential to beauty, which requires that the proper proportions should be observed in the human figure. With proper care the hand may be retained beautiful, soft and shapely, and [Pg 367]yet perform its fair share of labor. The hands should always be protected by gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure them. Gloves are imperatively required for garden-work. The hands should always be washed carefully and dried thoroughly after such labor. If they are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar or lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth at once.
The small size of hands isn't crucial for beauty; what's important is that the right proportions are maintained in the human figure. With proper care, hands can stay beautiful, soft, and shapely, while still doing their fair share of work. It’s essential to wear gloves during tasks that could damage them. Gloves are a must for gardening. After such work, hands should always be washed carefully and dried completely. If they feel rough from soap, rinse them with a bit of vinegar or lemon juice to make them soft and smooth again.
People afflicted with moist hands should revolutionize their habits, take more out-door exercise and more frequent baths. They should adopt a nutritious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take a tonic of some sort. Local applications of starch-powder and the juice of lemon may be used to advantage.
People with sweaty hands should change their habits, get more outdoor exercise, and take more regular baths. They should follow a healthy but not overly stimulating diet and maybe take some kind of tonic. Applying starch powder and lemon juice can be helpful.
A well formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes well spread, each separate toe perfect and rounded in form. The nails are regular and perfect in shape as those of the fingers. The second toe projects a little beyond the others, and the first, or big toe, stands slightly apart from the rest and is slightly lifted. The feet, from the circumstance of their being so much confined by boots and shoes, require more care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet they do not always get this care. The hands receive frequent washings every day. Once a week is quite as often as many people can bestow the same attention upon their feet. A tepid bath at about[Pg 368] 80 or 90 degrees, should be used. The feet may remain in the water about five minutes, and the instant they are taken out they should be rapidly and thoroughly dried by being well rubbed with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is used in the water. Few things are more invigorating and refreshing after a long walk, or getting wet in the feet, than a tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a pair of easy shoes. After the bath is the time for paring the toe-nails, as they are so much softer and more pliant after having been immersed in warm water.
A well-formed foot is wide at the sole, with well-spread toes, each toe perfectly rounded. The nails are uniform and shaped just like those on the fingers. The second toe sticks out a bit more than the others, while the first, or big toe, stands slightly apart and is slightly elevated. Because our feet are often restricted by boots and shoes, they need more attention when it comes to washing than the rest of the body. Yet this care isn’t always given. People wash their hands multiple times a day, but for many, once a week is about all they pay the same attention to their feet. A lukewarm bath at around[Pg 368] 80 or 90 degrees should be used. The feet can soak in the water for about five minutes, and right after taking them out, they should be quickly and thoroughly dried by rubbing with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is added to the water. Few things are more refreshing and revitalizing after a long walk or getting your feet wet than a warm foot bath, clean socks, and a comfortable pair of shoes. After the bath is the best time to trim toenails since they are much softer and more flexible after soaking in warm water.
Some persons are troubled with moist or damp feet. This complaint arises more particularly during the hot weather in summer-time, and the greatest care and cleanliness should be exercised in respect to it. Persons so afflicted should wash their feet twice a day in soap and warm water, after which they should put on clean socks. Should this fail to cure, they may, after being washed as above, be rinsed, and then thoroughly rubbed with a mixture consisting of half a pint of warm water and three tablespoonfuls of concentrated solution of chloride of soda.
Some people struggle with sweaty or damp feet. This issue is more common during the hot summer months, and it’s important to take extra care and maintain cleanliness. Those affected should wash their feet twice a day with soap and warm water, and then put on clean socks. If this doesn’t help, they can rinse their feet after washing and then rub them thoroughly with a mixture of half a pint of warm water and three tablespoons of concentrated chloride of soda solution.
People who walk much are frequently afflicted with blisters. The best preventative of these is to have easy, well-fitting boots and woolen socks. Should blisters occur, a very good plan is to pass a large darning-needle threaded with worsted through the blister lengthwise, [Pg 369]leaving an inch or so of the thread outside at each end. This keeps the scurf-skin close to the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt entering. The thread absorbs the matter, and the old skin remains until the new one grows. A blister should not be punctured save in this manner, as it may degenerate into a sore and become very troublesome.
People who walk a lot often get blisters. The best way to prevent this is to wear comfortable, well-fitting boots and wool socks. If blisters do happen, a good method is to take a large darning needle threaded with wool and poke it through the blister lengthwise, [Pg 369] leaving about an inch of thread sticking out on each end. This keeps the outer skin close to the true skin and prevents grit or dirt from getting in. The thread absorbs the fluid, and the old skin stays until the new one forms. A blister shouldn’t be punctured except this way, as it might turn into a sore and become quite a problem.
To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to observe three rules: 1. Avoid getting the feet wet; if they become so, change the shoes and stockings at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 3. Never under any circumstances "toast your toes" before the fire, especially if you are very cold. Frequent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of alum is useful in preventing the coming of chilblains. On the first indication of any redness of the toes and sensation of itching it would be well to rub them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to which a little turpentine has been added. Then a piece of lint soaked in camphorated spirits, opodeldoc or camphor liniment may be applied and retained on the part. Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine.
To prevent chilblains on your feet, you need to follow these three rules: 1. Keep your feet dry; if they get wet, change your shoes and socks immediately. 2. Wear lambswool socks or stockings. 3. Never warm your toes by the fire, especially if you’re really cold. Soaking your feet in a strong solution of alum often helps prevent chilblains. At the first sign of any redness or itching in your toes, gently rub them with warm rosemary oil mixed with a bit of turpentine. Then, place a piece of lint soaked in camphorated spirits, opodeldoc, or camphor liniment on the area and keep it in place. If a chilblain opens up, dress it twice a day with a mixture of equal parts lard and beeswax, plus half that amount of turpentine oil.
The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger-nails, but they should be looked after and trimmed at least once a fortnight. They are much more subject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, owing to [Pg 370]their confined position. If the nails show a tendency to grow in at the sides, the feet should be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint introduced beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the nail itself scraped longitudinally.
Toe nails don’t grow as quickly as finger nails, but they should be cared for and trimmed at least every two weeks. They are much more prone to uneven growth than finger nails because of their restricted space. If the nails start to grow in at the sides, the feet should be soaked in hot water, pieces of lint placed under the parts that are growing inward, and the nail itself should be scraped lengthwise.
Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fingers. Keep them a moderate length—long enough to protect the toe, but not so long as to cut holes in the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear them, as is too frequently the practice. Be careful not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails, as that is the great guard to prevent them going into the quick.
Pare the toenails straighter than those of the fingers. Keep them at a reasonable length—long enough to protect the toes, but not so long that they create holes in the stockings. Always cut the nails; never tear them, as is too often done. Be careful not to damage the soft tissue beneath the nails, as that is the main protection against them going into the quick.
It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear loose, easy-fitting shoes and boots will never be troubled with corns. Some people are more liable to corns than others, and some will persist in the use of tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns.
It’s pretty safe to say that those who wear loose, comfortable shoes and boots won’t have problems with corns. Some people are more prone to corns than others, and some will continue to wear tight-fitting shoes even though they have corns.
The great fault with modern shoes is that their soles are made too narrow. If one would secure perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should go to the shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a sheet of paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a pencil upon the paper the exact size of his foot, and then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad as this outlined foot.
The main problem with modern shoes is that their soles are too narrow. If you want to ensure the health of your feet, you should go to a shoemaker and step with your socks on a piece of paper. Have the shoemaker use a pencil to outline the exact size of your foot on the paper, and then make you a shoe with a sole that matches this outlined foot.
Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry of our women's feet have been the high, narrow heels so [Pg 371]much worn lately. They make it difficult to walk, and even in some cases permanently cripple the feet. A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad sole and a heel of moderate height, say one-half an inch, as broad at the bottom as at the top.
Still more damaging to the beauty and shape of women’s feet have been the high, narrow heels that have been so [Pg 371]widely worn lately. They make walking difficult and can even permanently damage the feet in some cases. A comfortable shoe should have a wide sole and a heel of moderate height, about half an inch, and be as wide at the bottom as at the top.

CHAPTER XXXIII.
Toilet Recipes.

RUISE and squeeze the juice out of common chick-weed, and to this juice add three times its quantity of soft water. Bathe the skin with this for five or ten minutes morning and evening, and wash afterwards with clean water.
Elder flowers treated and applied exactly in the same manner as above. When the flowers are not to be had, the distilled water from them, which may be procured from any druggist, will answer the purpose.
Elder flowers should be handled and applied in the same way as mentioned above. If the flowers are unavailable, the distilled water made from them, which can be obtained from any pharmacist, will work just as well.
A good freckle lotion is made of honey, one ounce, mixed with one pint of lukewarm water. Apply when cold.
A good freckle lotion is made with one ounce of honey mixed with one pint of lukewarm water. Apply it when it's cold.
Carbonate of potassa, twenty grains; milk of almonds, three ounces; oil of sassafras, three drops. Mix and apply two or three times a day.
Carbonate of potash, twenty grains; almond milk, three ounces; sassafras oil, three drops. Mix and apply two or three times a day.
One ounce of alcohol; half a dram salts tartar; one dram oil bitter almonds. Let stand for one day and apply every second day.[Pg 373]
One ounce of alcohol; half a dram of tartar salts; one dram of bitter almond oil. Let it sit for one day and apply every other day.[Pg 373]
Wash the face in a solution composed of one teaspoonful of carbolic acid to a pint of water. This is an excellent purifying lotion, and may be used on the most delicate skin. Be careful not to get any of it in the eyes as it will weaken them.
Wash your face with a solution made of one teaspoon of carbolic acid in a pint of water. This is a great purifying lotion and can be used on the most sensitive skin. Be careful not to get any in your eyes, as it will weaken them.
One tablespoonful of borax to half a pint of water is an excellent remedy for cutaneous eruptions, canker, ringworm, etc.
One tablespoon of borax mixed with half a pint of water is a great remedy for skin rashes, canker sores, ringworm, and more.
Pulverize a piece of alum the size of a walnut, dissolve it in one ounce of lemon juice, and add one ounce of alcohol. Apply once or twice a day.
Pulverize a piece of alum about the size of a walnut, dissolve it in one ounce of lemon juice, and mix in one ounce of alcohol. Apply this once or twice a day.
Mix two ounces of rose-water with one dram of sulphate of zinc. Wet the face gently and let it dry. Then touch the affected part with cream.
Mix two ounces of rose water with one dram of zinc sulfate. Gently wet your face and let it dry. Then, apply cream to the affected area.
A teaspoonful of the flour of sulphur and a wine-glassful of lime-water, well shaken and mixed; half a wine-glass of glycerine and a wine-glass of rose water. Rub it on the face every night before going to bed. Shake well before using.
A teaspoon of sulfur powder and a wine glass of lime water, shaken and mixed well; half a wine glass of glycerin and a wine glass of rose water. Apply it to your face every night before bed. Shake well before using.
Another prescription, used by hunters to keep away the black flies and mosquitoes, is said to leave the skin very clear and fair, and is as follows: Mix one spoonful of the best tar in a pint of pure olive oil or almond oil, by heating the two together in a tin cup set in boiling water. Stir till completely mixed and smooth, putting in more oil if the compound is too thick to run [Pg 374]easily. Rub this on the face when going to bed, and lay patches of soft cloth on the cheeks and forehead to keep the tar from rubbing off. The bed linen must be protected by cloth folded and thrown over the pillows.
Another remedy that hunters use to keep black flies and mosquitoes away is said to leave the skin looking clear and fair. Here’s how to make it: Heat one spoonful of the best tar in a pint of pure olive oil or almond oil using a tin cup set in boiling water. Stir it until it’s completely mixed and smooth, adding more oil if the mixture is too thick to spread easily. Apply this to your face before going to bed, and place soft cloth patches on your cheeks and forehead to prevent the tar from rubbing off. Make sure to protect the bed linens by folding cloths and placing them over the pillows. [Pg 374]
The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water; half an ounce of alum; half an ounce of sweet almonds; beat the whole together until it assumes the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or muslin mask, to be worn at night.
The whites of four eggs boiled in rose water; half an ounce of alum; half an ounce of sweet almonds; mix everything together until it becomes paste-like. Apply it to a silk or muslin mask to be worn at night.
Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil it in spirits of wine till it becomes a rich tincture. In using it pour fifteen drops into a glass of water, wash the face and hands and allow it to dry.
Take a small piece of gum benzoin and boil it in wine spirits until it turns into a rich tincture. When using it, pour fifteen drops into a glass of water, wash your face and hands, and let it dry.
Boracic acid has been used with great success as an external application in the treatment of vegetable parasitic diseases of the skin. A solution of a dram of the acid to an ounce of water, or as much of the acid as the water will take up, is found to meet the requirements of the case satisfactorily. The affected parts should be well bathed in the solution twice a day and well rubbed.
Boracic acid has been very effective as a topical treatment for plant-related skin infections. A solution made with one dram of acid per ounce of water, or as much acid as the water can dissolve, has been shown to work well for this purpose. The affected areas should be thoroughly soaked with the solution twice a day and gently massaged.
Mix half an ounce of glycerine with half an ounce of alcohol, and add four ounces of rose-water. Shake well together and it is ready for use. This is a splendid remedy for chapped hands.[Pg 375]
Mix half an ounce of glycerin with half an ounce of alcohol, and add four ounces of rose water. Shake well together, and it’s ready to use. This is a great remedy for chapped hands.[Pg 375]
Apply a solution of the root of common narrow-leafed dock, which belongs to the botanical genus of Rumex. Use vinegar for the solvent.
Apply a solution made from the root of common narrow-leafed dock, which is part of the botanical genus Rumex. Use vinegar as the solvent.
Dissolve a piece of sulphate of potash, the size of a walnut, in one ounce of water. Apply night and morning for a couple of days, and it will disappear.
Dissolve a piece of potassium sulfate, about the size of a walnut, in one ounce of water. Apply it morning and night for a couple of days, and it will disappear.
Take two drams of borax, one dram of alum, one dram of camphor, half an ounce of sugar-candy, and a pound of ox-gall. Mix and stir well for ten minutes, and stir it three or four times a fortnight. When clear and transparent, strain through a blotting paper and bottle for use.
Take two drams of borax, one dram of alum, one dram of camphor, half an ounce of sugar candy, and a pound of ox gall. Mix and stir well for ten minutes, and stir it three or four times every two weeks. When it's clear and transparent, strain it through blotting paper and bottle it for use.
Ammonia one ounce, rosemary one ounce, cantharides four drams, rose-water four ounces, glycerine one ounce. First wet the head with cold water, then apply the mixture, rubbing briskly.
Ammonia 1 ounce, rosemary 1 ounce, cantharides 4 drams, rose water 4 ounces, glycerin 1 ounce. First, wet the head with cold water, then apply the mixture while rubbing briskly.
Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-cologne one ounce, rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed briskly until it becomes red, and the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the hair twice a day.
Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-cologne one ounce, rose-water one ounce. The scalp should be brushed vigorously until it turns red, and then the lotion should be applied to the roots of the hair twice a day.
Take two ounces of olive oil, four ounces of good bay rum, and one dram of the oil of almonds; mix and shake well. This will darken the hair.[Pg 376]
Take two ounces of olive oil, four ounces of quality bay rum, and one dram of almond oil; mix and shake well. This will darken your hair.[Pg 376]
Mix two ounces of castor oil with three ounces of alcohol, and add two ounces of olive oil. Perfume to liking.
Mix two ounces of castor oil with three ounces of alcohol, and add two ounces of olive oil. Add perfume to taste.
Take the marrow out of a beef shank bone, melt it in a vessel placed over or in boiling water, then strain and scent to liking, with ottar of roses or other perfume.
Take the marrow out of a beef shank bone, melt it in a container over or in boiling water, then strain it and fragrance it to your taste, with rose oil or another perfume.
Unsalted lard five ounces, olive oil two and a half ounces, castor oil one-quarter ounce, yellow wax and spermaceti one-quarter ounce. These ingredients are to be liquified over a warm bath, and when cool, perfume to liking.
Unsalted lard 5 ounces, olive oil 2.5 ounces, castor oil 0.25 ounce, yellow wax and spermaceti 0.25 ounce. Melt these ingredients over a warm bath, and once cool, add your preferred scent.
Fresh beef marrow, boiled with a little almond oil or sweet oil, and scented with ottar of roses or other mild perfume.
Fresh beef marrow, boiled with a bit of almond oil or sweet oil, and scented with rose oil or another light perfume.
A transparent hair pomade is made as follows: Take half a pint of fine castor oil and an ounce of white wax. Stir until it gets cool enough to thicken, when perfume may be stirred in; geranium, bergamot or lemon oil may be used.
A transparent hair pomade is made like this: Take half a pint of high-quality castor oil and one ounce of white wax. Stir until it cools enough to thicken, then you can mix in some perfume; geranium, bergamot, or lemon oil can be used.
The women of Germany have remarkably fine and luxuriant hair. The following is their method of managing it: About once in two or three weeks, boil for half an hour or more a large handful of bran in a quart of soft water; strain into a basin, and when tepid, rub into the water a little white soap. With this wash the [Pg 377]head thoroughly, using a soft linen cloth or towel, thoroughly dividing the hair so as to reach the roots. Then take the yolk of an egg, slightly beaten in a saucer, and with the fingers rub it into the roots of the hair. Let it remain a few minutes, and then wash it off entirely with a cloth dipped in pure water. Rinse the head well till the yolk of the egg has disappeared from it, then wipe and rub it dry with a towel, and comb the hair from the head, parting it with the fingers, then apply some soft pomatum. In winter it is best to do all this in a warm room.
The women in Germany have exceptionally nice and thick hair. Here’s how they take care of it: About once every two or three weeks, boil a large handful of bran in a quart of soft water for half an hour or more; strain it into a bowl and when it's warm, mix in a bit of white soap. Use this to wash the [Pg 377]head thoroughly, with a soft linen cloth or towel, making sure to separate the hair so you can get to the roots. Next, take the yolk of an egg, lightly beaten in a small dish, and rub it into the roots of the hair with your fingers. Let it sit for a few minutes, then wash it off completely with a cloth dipped in clean water. Rinse the head well until the egg yolk is gone, then dry it with a towel and comb the hair away from the head, parting it with your fingers, and finally apply some soft pomade. In the winter, it's best to do all of this in a warm room.
Take the hulls of butternuts, about four ounces, and infuse in a quart of water, and to this add half an ounce of copperas. Apply with a soft brush every two or three days. This preparation is harmless, and is far better than those dyes made of nitrate of silver.
Take the hulls of butternuts, about four ounces, and steep them in a quart of water. Then add half an ounce of copperas. Apply it with a soft brush every two or three days. This mixture is safe and much better than dyes made with silver nitrate.
Oxide of bismuth four drams, spermaceti four drams, pure hog's lard four ounces. Melt the two last and add the first.
Oxide of bismuth 4 drams, spermaceti 4 drams, pure hog's lard 4 ounces. Melt the last two ingredients and then add the first.
Beat up a fresh egg and rub it well into the hair, or if more convenient, rub it into the hair without beating. Rub the egg in until a lather is formed, occasionally wetting the hands in warm water softened by borax. By the time a lather is formed, the scalp is clean, then rinse the egg all out in a basin of warm water, containing a tablespoonful of powdered borax: after that rinse in a basin of clean water.[Pg 378]
Beat a fresh egg and thoroughly massage it into your hair, or if it’s easier, just rub the egg in without beating it first. Work the egg into your hair until a lather forms, occasionally wetting your hands with warm water mixed with borax. By the time the lather is ready, your scalp will be clean. Rinse the egg out in a basin of warm water with a tablespoon of powdered borax, then follow up with a rinse in clean water.[Pg 378]
Bay rum six ounces, aromatic spirits of ammonia half an ounce, bergamot oil six drops. Mix.
Bay rum six ounces, aromatic spirits of ammonia half an ounce, bergamot oil six drops. Mix.
If the head be perfectly bald, nothing will ever cause the hair to grow again. If the scalp be glossy, and no small hairs are discernible, the roots or follicles are dead, and can not be resuscitated. However if small hairs are to be seen, there is hope. Brush well, and bathe the bald spot three or four times a week with cold, soft water; carbonate of ammonia one dram, tincture of cantharides four drams, bay rum four ounces, castor oil two ounces. Mix well and use it every day.
If the head is completely bald, nothing will ever make the hair grow back. If the scalp is shiny and there are no small hairs visible, the roots or follicles are dead and cannot be revived. However, if you can see small hairs, there is still hope. Brush well and wash the bald spot three or four times a week with cold, soft water; combine one dram of carbonate of ammonia, four drams of tincture of cantharides, four ounces of bay rum, and two ounces of castor oil. Mix well and use it every day.
Take a pint of alcohol, half pint of bay rum, and half an ounce of spirits of ammonia, and one dram of salts tartar. Shake well together and it is ready for use. Pour a quantity on the head, rub well with the palm of the hand. It will produce a thick foam, and will cleanse the scalp. This is used generally by first-class barbers.
Take a pint of alcohol, half a pint of bay rum, half an ounce of ammonia, and one dram of cream of tartar. Shake well together and it's ready to use. Pour some on the head and rub it in with your palm. It will create a thick foam and clean the scalp. This is typically used by top barbers.
To one pint of warm water add half an ounce of salts tartar. Cut up very fine a piece of castile soap, the size of two crackers, and mix it, shaking the mixture well, and it is ready for use.[Pg 379]
To one pint of warm water, add half an ounce of cream of tartar. Cut a piece of castile soap the size of two crackers into very small pieces and mix it in, shaking the mixture well, and it’s ready to use.[Pg 379]
Gold ornaments may be kept bright and clean with soap and warm water, scrubbing them well with a soft nail brush. They may be dried in sawdust of box-wood. Imitation jewelry may be treated in the same way.
Gold jewelry can be kept shiny and clean with soap and warm water, scrubbing them thoroughly with a soft nail brush. They can be dried in boxwood sawdust. You can treat imitation jewelry in the same way.
Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper and let the bottle stand a foot or two from the fire. After a time tap the stopper smartly, but not too hard, with the handle of a hair brush. If this is not effectual, use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the process. It is almost sure to succeed.
Let a drop of pure oil flow around the stopper and place the bottle a foot or two away from the fire. After a while, gently tap the stopper with the handle of a hairbrush, but don’t hit it too hard. If this doesn’t work, apply another drop of oil and try again. It’s almost guaranteed to succeed.
Half a pint of water, rectified spirits with an equal quantity of water three ounces, gum tragacanth one and a half drams. Add perfume, let the mixture stand for a day or two and then strain.
Half a pint of water, rectified spirits mixed with an equal amount of water, three ounces, and one and a half drams of gum tragacanth. Add perfume, let the mixture sit for a day or two, and then strain.
Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes, strain, cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, corking tightly.
Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of water for forty minutes, strain it, let it cool, add a few drops of fragrance, and bottle it, sealing tightly with a cork.
Iceland moss one-fourth of an ounce, boiled in a quart of water, and a little rectified spirit added, so that it will keep.
Iceland moss, 0.25 ounces, boiled in a quart of water, with a bit of refined alcohol added to preserve it.
Melt in a jar placed in a basin of boiling water a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and half an ounce of the [Pg 380]oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is cool. Color red with alkanet root.
Melt a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and spermaceti in a jar that's in a pot of boiling water, along with fifteen grains of benzoin powder and half an ounce of almond oil. Stir until the mixture cools. Add red color using alkanet root.
Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so that the composition may be well shaken up when required for use. Apply to the kid with a piece of sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub dry with is the palm of the hand. When the kid shows symptoms of cracking, rub in a few drops of sweet oil. The soles and heels should be polished with common blacking.
Mix a little egg white and ink in a bottle, so that the mixture can be shaken well when needed. Apply it to the leather with a piece of sponge and rub it dry. The best thing to use for drying is the palm of your hand. When the leather starts to crack, rub in a few drops of sweet oil. The soles and heels should be polished with regular shoe polish.
In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all the dirt upon them with a sponge or flannel; then the boot should be rubbed lightly over with a paste consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of linseed oil, both of which require to be warmed before being mixed. Polish with a soft cloth.
In cleaning patent-leather boots, first wipe off all the dirt with a sponge or soft cloth; then, gently rub the boot with a mixture of two tablespoons of cream and one tablespoon of linseed oil, both of which should be warmed before mixing. Finish by polishing with a soft cloth.
Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a short time, and pour it into a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash the stained part with it and leave dry.
Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of powdered alum for a short while, then pour it into a container to cool. Warm it up for use, wash the stained area with it, and let it dry.
Wash the soiled part with ether, and the grease will disappear.
Wash the dirty area with ether, and the grease will vanish.
We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vitriol and other sharp corrosives, stain dyed garments. Some[Pg 381]times, by adding a little pearlash to a soap-lather and passing the silks through these, the faded color will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will sometimes do alone, but it is the most efficacious to use the soap-lather and pearlash together.
We often discover that lemon juice, vinegar, sulfuric acid, and other strong corrosives can stain colored garments. Sometimes, adding a little pearlash to a soap lather and running the silks through it can restore the faded color. Pearlash and warm water can sometimes work on their own, but using the soap lather and pearlash together is the most effective method.
Use flower of sulphur as a tooth powder every night, rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather hard toothbrush. If done after dinner, too, all the better. It preserves the teeth and does not communicate any smell whatever to the mouth.
Use flower of sulfur as a tooth powder every night, brushing your teeth and gums with a fairly firm toothbrush. Doing this after dinner is even better. It protects your teeth and won't leave any smell in your mouth.
Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other similar causes may be removed by applying to the parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. The parts subjected to this operation should be subsequently rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, without soap, and be immediately dried in the sun.
Stains from fruit, rust, and other similar things can be removed by applying a weak solution of bleach to the affected areas, after the cloth has been thoroughly washed. The areas treated with this solution should then be rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, without using soap, and dried right away in the sun.
Oxalic acid diluted with water will accomplish the same end.
Oxalic acid mixed with water will achieve the same result.
Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of lemon and one ounce of oil of turpentine. Grease and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently with a linen rag dipped in the above composition. To remove acid stains from silks, apply with a soft rag, spirits of ammonia.[Pg 382]
Mix two ounces of lemon essence with one ounce of turpentine in a vial. Gently rub grease and other stains on silk with a linen cloth soaked in this mixture. To remove acid stains from silk, use a soft cloth to apply ammonia.[Pg 382]
For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and expose it to the influence of a hot sun. Chalk and soap or lemon juice and salt are also good. As fast as the spots become dry, more should be rubbed on, and the garment should be kept in the sun until the spots disappear. Some one of the preceding things will extract most kinds of stains, but a hot sun is necessary to render any one of them effectual.
For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and put it in direct sunlight. Chalk and soap or lemon juice and salt also work well. As the spots dry, apply more of the mixture, and keep the garment in the sun until the spots vanish. One of these options will remove most types of stains, but you need hot sun to make any of them effective.
Scalding water will remove fruit stains. So also will hartshorn diluted with warm water, but it will be necessary to apply it several times.
Scalding water will get rid of fruit stains. So will diluted hartshorn mixed with warm water, but you’ll need to apply it multiple times.
Common salt rubbed on fruit stains before they become dry will extract them.
Common salt applied to fruit stains before they dry will remove them.
Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on them, should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk.
Colored cotton items with ink stains should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk.
Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then saturate the spots with sweet oil or lard; rub it in well, and let it remain in a warm place for an hour.
Scrape off as much pitch or tar as you can, then soak the spots with sweet oil or lard; massage it in well, and let it sit in a warm place for an hour.
Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it remain a number of hours, then rub it between the hands; it will crumble away without injury either to the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton or silk goods.[Pg 383]
Soak the area with turpentine, let it sit for a few hours, then rub it between your hands; it will break apart without damaging the texture or color of any wool, cotton, or silk items.[Pg 383]
Take equal quantities of soft lye-soap, alcohol or gin, and molasses. Put the silk on a clean table without creasing; rub on the mixture with a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold, clear water, and hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it before it gets dry, on the wrong side. Silks and ribbons treated in this way will look very nicely.
Take equal amounts of soft lye soap, alcohol or gin, and molasses. Lay the silk on a clean table without creasing it; apply the mixture with a flannel cloth. Rinse the silk thoroughly in cold, clear water, and hang it up to dry without wringing it out. Iron it while it's still slightly damp, on the reverse side. Silks and ribbons treated this way will look really nice.
Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons without changing the color of most things. They should be dried in the open air and ironed when pretty dry.
Camphene will remove grease and clean ribbons without altering the color of most items. They should be air-dried and ironed when they're fairly dry.
The water in which pared potatoes have been boiled is very good to wash black silks in; it stiffens and makes them glossy and black.
The water used to boil peeled potatoes is great for washing black silk; it stiffens and makes the fabric glossy and deep black.
Soap-suds answer very well. They should be washed in two suds and not rinsed in clean water.
Soap suds work perfectly. They should be washed in two batches of suds and not rinsed in clean water.
If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes or slippers too near the stove, and thus had them burned, she can make them nearly as good as ever by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off. It softens the leather and prevents it drawing up.
If a woman is unfortunate enough to accidentally place her shoes or slippers too close to the stove and ends up burning them, she can get them almost back to normal by applying soft soap while they’re still hot, and then washing it off once they've cooled down. This softens the leather and prevents it from shrinking.
Soak the feet for half an hour two or three nights successively in a pretty strong solution of common soda. The alkali dissolves the indurated cuticle and the corn [Pg 384]comes away, leaving a little cavity which, however, soon fills up.
Soak your feet for half an hour for two or three nights in a strong solution of baking soda. The alkali breaks down the hardened skin and the corn [Pg 384]comes off, leaving a small hole that will quickly heal.
Corns between the toes are generally more painful than others, and are frequently so situated as to be almost inaccessible to the usual remedies. They may be cured by wetting them several times a day with spirits of ammonia.
Corns between the toes are usually more painful than others and are often placed in a way that makes them hard to treat with regular remedies. They can be treated by soaking them several times a day with spirits of ammonia.
Take a slice of stale bread, cut as thin as possible, toast both sides well, but do not burn it; when cold soak it in cold water, then put it between a piece of old linen and apply, changing when it gets warm.
Take a slice of stale bread, cut it as thin as you can, toast both sides until golden, but avoid burning it; once it's cool, soak it in cold water, then place it between a piece of old linen and apply it, changing it when it warms up.
Melt in a jar two ounces of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and mix with a pint of sweet oil. Add perfume to suit.
Melt two ounces of white wax in a jar, add half an ounce of spermaceti, and mix with a pint of sweet oil. Add fragrance to your preference.
Melt together an ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and mix with a pint of oil of sweet almonds and half a pint of rose-water. Beat to a paste.
Melt together one ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti, and mix with one pint of sweet almond oil and half a pint of rose water. Mix until it forms a paste.
Take half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drams of magnesia. With these mix twelve drops of ottar of roses. Add a quart of water, two ounces of alcohol, mix in a gradual manner, and filter through blotting paper.[Pg 385]
Take half an ounce of powdered white sugar and two drams of magnesium. Mix in twelve drops of rose oil. Add a quart of water and two ounces of alcohol, combining everything slowly, then filter through blotting paper.[Pg 385]
Take a quart bottle and cover it over with the leg of a soft, firm stocking, sew it tightly above and below. Then wind the collar or lace smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and sew very carefully around the outer edge of the collar or lace, catching every loop fast to the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in a pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing the soiled places with a soft sponge. It must be rinsed well after the same manner in clean water. When the lace is clean, apply a very weak solution of gum arabic and stand the bottle in the sunshine to dry. Take off the lace very carefully when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it between the white leaves of a heavy book; or, if you are in a hurry, iron on flannel between a few thicknesses of fine muslin. Done up in this way, lace collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and have a rich, new, lacy look that they will not have otherwise.
Take a quart bottle and cover it with the leg of a soft, firm stocking, sewing it tightly at the top and bottom. Then wrap the collar or lace smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine needle and thread and carefully sew around the outer edge of the collar or lace, making sure to secure every loop to the stocking. Next, shake the bottle up and down in a bucket of warm soapy water, occasionally rubbing the dirty spots with a soft sponge. It should be rinsed thoroughly in clean water the same way. Once the lace is clean, apply a very diluted solution of gum arabic and place the bottle in the sun to dry. Carefully remove the lace once it's completely dry. Instead of ironing, place it between the white pages of a heavy book; or, if you’re in a rush, iron it on flannel between several layers of fine muslin. When done this way, lace collars will last longer, stay cleaner for a longer time, and have a rich, fresh lace look that they won't have otherwise.
The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion demands should be worn, will fade in course of time; and though they matched the natural hair perfectly at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard of dark brown calico. Boil it until the color has well come out into the water. Then into this water dip the hair, and take [Pg 386]it out and dry it. Repeat the operation until it shall be of the required depth of shade.
The styles, curls, and frizz that fashion dictates should be worn will fade over time; and even though they match your natural hair perfectly at first, they will eventually become a lighter color. If your hair is brown, you can fix this. Get a yard of dark brown fabric. Boil it until the color fully dissolves into the water. Then dip the hair into this water, take it out, and let it dry. Repeat the process until it reaches the desired shade.
When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, and want to guard against the depredations of moths, pack them securely in paper flour sacks and tie them up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco or snuff scattered among them in chests and drawers. Before putting your muffs away for the summer, twirl them by the cord at the ends, so that every hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and paste a strip of paper where the lid fits on.
When you're ready to store away your furs and wool clothes and want to protect them from moth damage, pack them tightly in paper flour sacks and tie them securely. This method is more effective than using camphor, tobacco, or snuff scattered in chests and drawers. Before putting your muffs away for the summer, twirl the cords at the ends to straighten out all the fur. Place them in their boxes and seal the lid with a strip of paper.
To keep the hair in curl take a few quince-seed, boil them in water, and add perfumery if you like; wet the hair with this and it will keep in curl longer than from the use of any other preparation. It is also good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on going out in the wind.
To keep your hair curled, take a few quince seeds, boil them in water, and add some fragrance if you prefer; wet your hair with this mixture and it will hold its curl longer than any other product. It's also great for keeping your hair in place on your forehead when you go out in the wind.
Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol and spirits of turpentine; keep in a stone bottle and shake before using. Dip blotting paper in the liquid, and place in the box with the articles to be preserved.
Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint each of alcohol and turpentine; keep it in a stone bottle and shake before use. Dip blotting paper in the liquid and place it in the box with the items to be preserved.
Wet the linen in soft water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some fine chalk to powder, and rub it [Pg 387]well into the linen; lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, watching to keep it damp with soft water. Repeat the process the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will entirely disappear.
Wet the linen in soft water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some fine chalk into powder, and rub it [Pg 387] well into the linen; lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, making sure to keep it damp with soft water. Do this again the next day, and after a few hours, the mildew will completely disappear.
Take a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and heat it over a lamp until it becomes very hot; then pour it on the sore or granulation. The effect will be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at once be relieved. The operation causes very little pain if the tallow is perfectly heated. Perhaps a repetition may be necessary in some cases.
Take a bit of tallow and put it in a spoon, then heat it over a lamp until it's really hot; then pour it on the sore or granulation. The effect will be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will be relieved immediately. The process causes very little pain if the tallow is heated properly. You might need to repeat it in some cases.
Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve drops of winter green, one gill of beef-gall and six cents' worth of lavendar. A little alkanet to color if you wish. Mix.
Take one quart of alcohol, twelve drops of wintergreen, one gill of beef gall, and six cents’ worth of lavender. Add a little alkanet for color if you want. Mix.
Take equal parts of spirits hartshorn and ether. Ox-gall mixed with it makes it better.
Take equal parts of spirits of hartshorn and ether. Mixing in ox-gall improves it.
Take a piece of mould candle of the finest kind, melt it, and dip the spotted part of the linen in the melted tallow: Then throw the linen into the wash.[Pg 388]
Take a piece of high-quality moldable candle, melt it, and dip the stained part of the linen into the melted tallow. Then throw the linen in the wash.[Pg 388]
Moisten the parts stained with cold water; then hold it over the smoke of burning brimstone, and the stain will disappear. This will remove iron mould also.
Moisten the stained areas with cold water; then hold it over the smoke from burning sulfur, and the stain will vanish. This will also get rid of iron mold.
For cleaning silver, either articles of personal wear or those pertaining to the toilet-table or dressing-case, there is nothing better than a spoonful of common whiting, carefully pounded so as to be without lumps, reduced to a paste with gin.
For cleaning silver, whether it's jewelry or items from the vanity or makeup case, nothing works better than a spoonful of regular whiting, finely ground to be lump-free, mixed into a paste with gin.
French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots from clothing. Spots on silk will sometimes yield if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over them and the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and passed over the paper.
French chalk is great for getting rid of grease stains on clothes. Stains on silk can sometimes be removed by placing a piece of blotting paper over them and then heating the edge of a knife (not too much) and running it over the paper.
When a ring happens to get so tight on a finger that it cannot be removed, a piece of string, well soaped, may be wound tightly round the finger, commencing at the end of the finger and continued until the ring is reached. Then force the end of the twine between the ring and finger, and as the string is unwound, the ring will be gradually forced off.
When a ring gets so tight on a finger that it can't be taken off, you can use a piece of string that's well-soaped. Wrap it tightly around the finger, starting at the tip and going down to the ring. Then, push the end of the string between the ring and the finger, and as you unwind the string, the ring will gradually come off.
To ward off mosquitoes, apply to the skin a solution made of fifty drops of carbolic acid to an ounce of [Pg 389]glycerine. Mosquito bites may be instantly cured by touching them with the solution. Add two or three drops of the ottar of roses to disguise the smell. The pure, crystalized form of the acid has a less powerful odor than the common preparation.
To keep mosquitoes away, put a solution of fifty drops of carbolic acid mixed with an ounce of [Pg 389]glycerine on your skin. You can quickly relieve mosquito bites by applying this solution directly to them. To cover up the smell, add two or three drops of rose oil. The pure, crystallized version of the acid has a milder scent than the regular one.
One ounce of lime water, one ounce of sweet oil, one drop oil of roses, is a good liniment for the face after shaving. Shake well before using. Apply with the forefinger.
One ounce of lime water, one ounce of sweet oil, and one drop of rose oil make a great aftershave liniment for the face. Shake well before use. Apply with your index finger.
Wash thoroughly with milk of almonds, which can be obtained at the drug store.
Wash thoroughly with almond milk, which you can get at the drugstore.
Take two drams of dilute sulphuric acid, one dram of the tincture of myrrh, four ounces of spring water, and mix in a bottle. After washing the hands, dip the fingers in a little of the mixture. Rings with stones or pearls in them should be removed before using this mixture.
Take two drams of diluted sulfuric acid, one dram of tincture of myrrh, four ounces of spring water, and mix in a bottle. After washing your hands, dip your fingers in a little of the mixture. Remove rings with stones or pearls before using this mixture.
Tan can be removed from the face by dissolving magnesia in soft water. Beat it to a thick mass, spread it on the face, and let it remain a minute or two. Then wash off with castile soapsuds and rinse with soft water.[Pg 390]
Tan can be removed from the face by dissolving magnesia in soft water. Mix it into a thick paste, apply it to the face, and let it sit for a minute or two. Then wash it off with castile soap suds and rinse with soft water.[Pg 390]
Take a piece of raw beef steeped in vinegar for twenty-four hours, tie it on the part affected. Apply each night for two weeks.
Take a piece of raw beef soaked in vinegar for twenty-four hours, then tie it to the affected area. Use it each night for two weeks.
The best remedy for in-growing toe-nails is to cut a notch about the shape of a V in the end of the nail, about one-quarter the width of the nail from the in-growing side. Cut down as nearly to the quick as possible, and one-third the length of the nail. The pressure of the boot or shoe will tend to close the opening you have made in the nail, and this soon affords relief. Allow the in-growing portion of the nail to grow without cutting it, until it gets beyond the flesh.
The best solution for ingrown toenails is to cut a V-shaped notch at the end of the nail, about a quarter of the width of the nail from the side that is ingrown. Cut down as close to the quick as you can, and about a third of the length of the nail. The pressure from your boot or shoe will help close the opening you made in the nail, and this will provide relief soon. Let the ingrown part of the nail grow out without cutting it, until it grows beyond the flesh.
Melt one ounce of white wax, add two ounces of juice of lily-bulbs, two ounces of honey, two drams of rose-water, and a drop or two of ottar of roses. Use it twice a day.
Melt one ounce of white wax, then mix in two ounces of lily bulb juice, two ounces of honey, two drams of rose water, and a drop or two of rose oil. Apply it twice a day.
Put powder of best myrrh upon an iron plate sufficiently hot to melt the gum gently, and when it liquefies, cover over your head with a napkin, and hold your face over the fumes at a distance that will cause you no inconvenience. If it produces headache, discontinue its use.
Put the best myrrh powder on a hot iron plate until the gum melts gently. When it turns into liquid, drape a napkin over your head and lean your face over the fumes, keeping a safe distance that's comfortable for you. If it causes a headache, stop using it.
In washing, use warm instead of cold water.[Pg 391]
In washing, use warm water instead of cold.[Pg 391]
After washing with soap, rinse the hands in fresh water and dry them thoroughly, by applying Indian meal or rice flour.
After washing with soap, rinse your hands in clean water and dry them thoroughly by using Indian meal or rice flour.
Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine vinegar three ounces, and white brandy half a pint.
Lemon juice, 3 ounces; white wine vinegar, 3 ounces; and white brandy, ½ pint.
Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerine, and apply freely at night.
Add ten drops of carbolic acid to one ounce of glycerin, and apply generously at night.
Two tablespoonfuls of lime water mixed with enough sweet oil to make it as thick as lard. Rub the chilblains with the mixture and dry it in, then wrap up in linen.
Two tablespoons of lime water mixed with enough sweet oil to make it as thick as lard. Rub the chilblains with the mixture and let it dry, then wrap it up in linen.
Bathe the chilblains in strong alum water, as hot as it can be borne.
Bathe the chilblains in strong alum water, as hot as you can handle.
When indications of the chilblains first present themselves, take vinegar three ounces and camphorated spirits of wine one ounce; mix and rub on the parts affected.
When signs of chilblains first appear, mix three ounces of vinegar with one ounce of camphorated spirits of wine; apply this mixture to the affected areas.
Bathe the feet in warm water, in which two or three handsful of common salt have been dissolved.
Bathe your feet in warm water mixed with two or three handfuls of regular salt.
Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt.
Rub with a raw onion that has been dipped in salt.
The oil of mace one-half ounce, mixed with a pint of deodorized alcohol, is a powerful stimulant for the hair. To apply it, pour a spoonful or two into a saucer, dip a stiff brush into it and brush the hair and head smartly.
The oil of mace, half an ounce, mixed with a pint of deodorized alcohol, is a strong stimulant for hair growth. To use it, pour a spoonful or two into a saucer, dip a stiff brush into it, and vigorously brush your hair and scalp.
On bald heads, if hair will start at all, it may be stimulated by friction with a piece of flannel till the skin [Pg 392]becomes red. Repeat this process three times a day, until the hair begins to grow, when the tincture may be applied but once a day, till the growth is well established. The head should be bathed in cold water every morning, and briskly brushed to bring the blood to the surface.
On bald heads, if hair is going to grow back, you can encourage it by rubbing a piece of flannel against the scalp until the skin [Pg 392] gets red. Do this three times a day until the hair starts to grow, then you can apply the tincture just once a day until the growth is strong. Every morning, you should rinse your head with cold water and brush it vigorously to stimulate circulation.
Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of warm water. Before the water is quite cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor. Bottle the mixture for use. One wine-glass of the mixture, added to half a pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. This solution used daily, beautifies and preserves the teeth.
Dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of warm water. Before the water gets completely cold, add one teaspoon of camphor spirit. Pour the mixture into a bottle for later use. For each application, mix one wine glass of the solution with half a pint of lukewarm water. Using this solution daily will enhance and keep your teeth healthy.
A wine-glass of cologne and one of lemon-juice strained clear. Scrape two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a powder and mix well in a mould. When hard, it is fit for use, and will be found excellent for whitening the hands.
A wine glass of cologne and one of strained lemon juice. Shave two cakes of brown Windsor soap into a powder and mix well in a mold. Once it's hard, it's ready to use and works great for whitening your hands.
Wear during the night, large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or oatmeal, and tied closely at the wrist. Persons who have a great deal of house-work to do, may keep their hands soft and white by wearing bran or oatmeal mittens.
Wear large cloth mittens filled with wet bran or oatmeal at night, and tie them snugly at the wrist. People who do a lot of housework can keep their hands soft and white by wearing bran or oatmeal mittens.
A strong decoction of sassafras, drank frequently, will reduce the flesh as rapidly as any remedy known. A strong infusion is made at the rate of an ounce of [Pg 393]sassafras to a quart of water. Boil it half an hour very slowly, and let it stand till cold, heating again if desired. Keep it from the air.
A strong brew of sassafras, consumed regularly, will slim you down as fast as any remedy out there. To make a strong infusion, use an ounce of [Pg 393]sassafras in a quart of water. Simmer it for half an hour on low heat, then let it cool, heating it up again if you want. Make sure to keep it covered.
A few drops of glycerine thoroughly rubbed over the hands, after washing them, will keep them smooth and soft.
A few drops of glycerin rubbed into your hands after washing will keep them smooth and soft.
Take the leaves of the common rose and place, without pressing them, in a glass bottle, then pour some spirits of wine on them, close the bottle and let it stand till required for use. Its perfume is nearly equal to that of ottar of roses.
Take the leaves of the common rose and place them gently in a glass bottle without pressing them down. Then pour some alcohol over the leaves, seal the bottle, and let it sit until you need it. Its fragrance is almost as strong as that of rose oil.
A weak solution of carbolic acid will heal soft corns between the toes.
A diluted solution of carbolic acid will treat soft corns between the toes.
Five grains sulphate of quinine dissolved in an ounce of alcohol, will, if applied, cause eyebrows to grow when burned off by the fire.
Five grains of quinine sulfate dissolved in an ounce of alcohol will, if applied, help eyebrows grow back after being burned off by fire.
A recipe for restoring gray hair to its natural color, said to be very effective when the hair is changing color, is as follows: One pint of water, one ounce tincture of acetate of iron, half an ounce of glycerine, and five grains sulphuret potassium. Mix and let the bottle [Pg 394]stand open until the smell of the potassium has disappeared, then add a few drops of ottar of roses. Rub a little into the hair daily, and it will restore its color and benefit the health.
A recipe for bringing gray hair back to its natural color, said to work really well when hair starts to change color, is as follows: One pint of water, one ounce of iron acetate tincture, half an ounce of glycerin, and five grains of potassium sulfide. Mix everything and let the bottle [Pg 394] stand open until the smell of potassium fades, then add a few drops of rose oil. Apply a small amount to your hair daily, and it will restore its color and improve its health.
Bathing the head in a strong solution of rock salt, is said to restore gray hair in some cases. Make the solution two heaping tablespoonfuls of salt to a quart of boiling water, and let it stand until cold before using.
Bathing your head in a strong saltwater solution is said to restore gray hair in some cases. To make the solution, mix two heaping tablespoons of salt into a quart of boiling water, and let it cool before using.
A solution made of a tablespoonful of carbonate of ammonia to a quart of water is also recommended, wash the head thoroughly with the solution and brush the hair while wet.
A solution of one tablespoon of ammonia carbonate mixed with a quart of water is also suggested. Wash your hair thoroughly with this mixture and brush it while it’s still wet.
Make a solution of two ounces of essence of lemon, and one ounce oil of turpentine. Rub the silk gently with linen cloth, dipped in the solution.
Make a solution of two ounces of lemon extract and one ounce of turpentine oil. Gently rub the silk with a linen cloth soaked in the solution.
To remove acid stains from silk, apply spirits of ammonia with a soft rag.
To get rid of acid stains on silk, use ammonia with a soft cloth.
Dip the spotted part of the linen in clean, pure melted tallow, before being washed.
Dip the stained part of the linen in clean, pure melted tallow before washing.
Apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of very hot water, and renew frequently until the pain ceases.[Pg 395]
Apply a cloth soaked in very hot water to the bruise, and change it often until the pain stops.[Pg 395]
Make a solution of one quart of distilled benzine with one-fourth of an ounce of carbonate of ammonia, one-fourth of an ounce of fluid chloroform, one-fourth of an ounce of sulphuric ether. Pour a small quantity into a saucer, put on the gloves, and wash, as if washing the hands, changing the solution until the gloves are clean. Rub them clean and as dry as possible with a clean dry cloth, and take them off and hang them where there is a good current of air to dry. This solution is also excellent for cleaning ribbons, silks, etc., and is perfectly harmless to the most delicate tints. Do not get near the fire when using, as the benzine is very inflammable.
Make a solution of one quart of distilled benzene with a quarter ounce of ammonia carbonate, a quarter ounce of liquid chloroform, and a quarter ounce of sulfuric ether. Pour a small amount into a saucer, put on gloves, and wash them as if you were washing your hands, changing the solution until the gloves are clean. Wipe them clean and as dry as possible with a clean, dry cloth, then take them off and hang them in a well-ventilated area to dry. This solution is also great for cleaning ribbons, silks, and so on, and it won’t harm even the most delicate colors. Avoid getting near a flame while using it, as the benzene is highly flammable.
Washing the gloves in turpentine, the same as above, is also a good means of cleaning them.
Washing the gloves in turpentine, just like mentioned earlier, is also an effective way to clean them.
To remove the unpleasant odor produced by perspiration, put two tablespoonfuls of the compound spirit of ammonia in a basin of water, and use it for bathing. It leaves the skin clear, sweet and fresh as one could wish. It is perfectly harmless, very cheap, and is recommended on the authority of an experienced physician.
To get rid of the bad smell caused by sweat, mix two tablespoons of ammonia solution in a basin of water and use it for bathing. It leaves your skin clean, sweet-smelling, and fresh. It's completely safe, very affordable, and comes recommended by a skilled doctor.
Flesh worms, or little black specks, which appear on the nose, may be removed by washing in warm water, drying with a towel, and applying a wash of cologne [Pg 396]and liquor of potash, made of three ounces of the former to one ounce of the latter.
Flesh worms, or tiny black spots, that show up on the nose can be removed by washing with warm water, drying with a towel, and applying a mixture of cologne [Pg 396] and potash, using three ounces of the former to one ounce of the latter.
Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounce, spermaceti half an ounce; melt in a glass vessel, stirring with a wooden spoon, and pour into a china or glass cup.
Oil of roses 4 ounces, white wax 1 ounce, spermaceti 0.5 ounces; melt in a glass container, stirring with a wooden spoon, and pour into a ceramic or glass cup.
A remedy for unsound gums, is a gargle made of one ounce of coarsely powdered Peruvian bark steeped in half a pint of brandy for two weeks. Put a teaspoonful of this into a tablespoonful of water, and gargle the mouth twice a day.
A remedy for unhealthy gums is a mouth rinse made of one ounce of coarsely powdered Peruvian bark steeped in half a pint of brandy for two weeks. Mix a teaspoon of this with a tablespoon of water and gargle twice a day.
The ashes of stale bread, thoroughly burned, is said to make a good dentifrice.
The ashes of burnt stale bread are said to make a good toothpaste.
The teeth should be carefully brushed after every meal, as a means of preserving a sweet breath. In addition, a small piece of licorice may be dissolved in the mouth, which corrects the effects of indigestion. Licorice has no smell, but simply corrects ill-flavored odor.
The teeth should be brushed carefully after every meal to keep your breath fresh. Also, you can dissolve a small piece of licorice in your mouth, which helps with indigestion. Licorice doesn't have a smell, but it neutralizes any bad odors.
A good way to clean teeth is to dip the brush in water, rub it over white castile soap, then dip it in prepared chalk, and brush the teeth briskly.
A good way to clean your teeth is to dip the brush in water, rub it over white castile soap, then dip it in prepared chalk, and brush your teeth quickly.
To beautify the teeth, dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of boiling water, and before it is cold, add one teaspoonful of spirits of camphor; bottle for use. Use a teaspoonful of this with an equal quantity of warm water.[Pg 397]
To make your teeth look better, dissolve two ounces of borax in three pints of boiling water, and before it cools down, add one teaspoon of camphor spirit; then bottle it for later use. Use a teaspoon of this mixture along with an equal amount of warm water.[Pg 397]
Five ounces oil of sweet almonds, three ounces spermaceti, half an ounce of white wax, and three to five drops ottar of roses. Melt together in a shallow dish over hot water. Strain through a piece of muslin when melted, and as it begins to cool, beat it with a silver spoon until cold and snowy white. For the hair use seven ounces of oil of almonds instead of five.
Five ounces of sweet almond oil, three ounces of spermaceti, half an ounce of white wax, and three to five drops of rose oil. Melt everything together in a shallow dish over hot water. Strain the mixture through a piece of muslin once melted, and as it starts to cool, beat it with a silver spoon until it’s cold and snowy white. For hair, use seven ounces of almond oil instead of five.
Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt, pulverize it and mix it well. Wash the teeth in the morning and rub them well with the powder.
Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt, crush it into a fine powder, and mix it thoroughly. Brush your teeth in the morning and scrub them well with the powder.
Take an ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two tablespoonfuls of honey, and a little green sage in very fine powder; mix them well together, and wet the teeth and gums with a little, twice a day.
Take an ounce of fine powder myrrh, two tablespoons of honey, and a bit of finely powdered green sage; mix them well and apply to your teeth and gums a little twice a day.

CHAPTER XXXIV.
Sports, Games, Amusements.

HERE is a great variety of games, sports and amusements for both out-door and in-door entertainment, in which both sexes mingle for pleasure, and brief mention is here made of some of these.
The interest that has been recently awakened in this country in archery, is worthy of mention. As a graceful, healthful and innocent sport, it has no equal among any of the games that have been introduced, where both sexes participate. Our young and middle aged ladies too often neglect out-door physical exertion, which is essential to acquiring strength of limbs and muscle, and a gracefulness of carriage which is dependent thereon. It is a mistaken idea that with youth all indulgence in physical recreation should cease. On the contrary, such exercises as are most conducive [Pg 399]to health, and are attended with pleasure, might with propriety be kept up by young women as well as by young men, as a means of retaining strength and elasticity of the muscles; and, instead of weak, trembling frames and broken down constitutions, in the prime of life, a bright, vigorous old age would be the reward. The pursuit of archery is recommended to both young and old, male and female, as having advantages far superior to any of the out-door games and exercises, as a graceful and invigorating pastime, developing in ladies a strong constitution, perfection of sight at long range, and above all, imparting to the figure a graceful appearance and perfect action of the limbs and chest. Let the women of this country devote some of their spare hours to this pleasant, health-giving sport, and their reward will be bright, ruddy faces, elasticity of movement, and strong and vigorous constitutions.
The recent interest in archery in this country is worth noting. As a graceful, healthy, and enjoyable sport, it stands out among games that involve both genders. Our young and middle-aged women often overlook outdoor physical activity, which is crucial for building strength, muscle tone, and overall poise. It's a misconception that young people should stop engaging in physical recreation as they grow older. On the contrary, activities that are beneficial for health and enjoyable should be embraced by young women just as much as they are by young men, helping them maintain strong and flexible muscles. Instead of facing frail bodies and weakened health in their prime, they would enjoy a vibrant and energetic old age. Archery is recommended for everyone, regardless of age or gender, due to its advantages over other outdoor games and exercises. It is a graceful and invigorating pastime that helps women develop a strong constitution, improve their eyesight over long distances, and, most importantly, enhance their physical appearance and movement. Women in this country should dedicate some of their free time to this delightful, health-promoting sport, and they will be rewarded with glowing faces, lively movements, and robust health.
For the purposes of archery, the implements required are the bow, arrows, targets, a quiver pouch and belt, an arm-guard or brace, a shooting glove or finger tip, and a scoring card.
For archery, you'll need a bow, arrows, targets, a quiver pouch and belt, an arm guard or brace, a shooting glove or fingertip, and a scoring card.
The bow is from five to six feet long, made of lancewood or locust. Spanish yew is considered the choicest, next comes the Italian, then the English yew; lancewood and lancewood backed with hickory are used more than any other. In choosing a bow, get the best you can afford, it will prove the cheapest in the end. Men should use bows six feet long, pulling from forty to [Pg 400]sixty pounds, and ladies bows of five feet or five feet six inches in length, and pulling from twenty-five to forty pounds. The arrows are generally of uniform thickness throughout, and are made of pine; the finest grades being made of white deal, with sharp points of iron or brass. They are from 25 to 30 inches in length. The quiver belt is worn round the waist, and contains the arrows which are being used. The arm is protected from the blow of the string by the "arm-guard," a broad guard of strong leather buckled on the left wrist by two straps. A shooting-glove is worn on the right hand to protect the fingers from soreness in drawing the string of the bow.
The bow is about five to six feet long, made from lancewood or locust. Spanish yew is considered the best option, followed by Italian yew and then English yew; lancewood and lancewood backed with hickory are the most commonly used materials. When choosing a bow, buy the best one you can afford, as it will be the most economical choice in the long run. Men should use bows that are six feet long and have a draw weight of forty to [Pg 400]sixty pounds, while women's bows should be five to five feet six inches long, with a draw weight of twenty-five to forty pounds. The arrows are usually of consistent thickness throughout and made of pine, with the best ones crafted from white deal, featuring sharp points made of iron or brass. They range in length from 25 to 30 inches. The quiver belt is worn around the waist and holds the arrows currently being used. An "arm-guard," a wide piece of strong leather, is buckled on the left wrist with two straps to protect the arm from the string's impact. A shooting glove is worn on the right hand to prevent soreness from drawing the bowstring.
The target consists of a circular, thick mat of straw, from two to four feet in diameter, covered with canvas, painted in a series of circles. The inner circle is a gold color, then comes red, white, black, and the outer circle white. The score for a gold hit is nine; the red 7, the inner white 5; the black 3, and the outer white 1.
The target is a thick, circular mat made of straw, measuring between two to four feet in diameter, covered with canvas that has a series of painted circles. The inner circle is gold, followed by red, white, black, and the outer circle is white. A hit on the gold section scores nine points; red scores seven, the inner white section scores five, black scores three, and the outer white scores one.
The use of the bow and arrows, the proper manner of holding them, and directions for shooting are to be found in pamphlets of instruction, which often accompany the implements.
The use of the bow and arrows, how to hold them correctly, and tips for shooting can be found in instructional pamphlets that often come with the equipment.
In many cities and villages throughout the country, clubs have been formed, and regular days for practice and prize shooting are appointed. Each member of the the club is expected to furnish his or her own imple[Pg 401]ments, and to attend all the practice meetings and prize shootings. The clubs are about equally divided as to ladies and gentlemen, as both sexes participate equally in the sport. The officers are such as are usually chosen in all organizations, with the addition of a Lady Paramount, a scorer, and a Field Marshal. The lady paramount is the highest office of honor in the club. She is expected to act as an umpire or judge in all matters of dispute that may come up in the club, and her decisions must be regarded as final. She is also expected to do all in her power to further the interests of the organization. A field marshal has been appointed by some clubs, and his duties are to place the targets, measure the shooting distances, and have general supervision of the field on practice days. The scorer keeps a score of each individual member of the club.
In many cities and villages across the country, clubs have been formed, and regular days for practice and competitive shooting are scheduled. Each club member is expected to provide their own equipment and to attend all practice sessions and competitions. The clubs have a roughly equal number of ladies and gentlemen, as both genders participate equally in the sport. The officers are typically chosen as in most organizations, with the addition of a Lady Paramount, a scorer, and a Field Marshal. The Lady Paramount holds the highest honor in the club. She is expected to act as an umpire or judge in any disputes that arise within the club, and her decisions are final. She is also expected to do everything in her power to promote the club's interests. A field marshal has been appointed by some clubs, and their duties include placing the targets, measuring the shooting distances, and overseeing the field on practice days. The scorer keeps track of each individual member's scores.
In meeting for practice, it is customary to have one target for every six, eight or ten persons, the latter number being sufficient for any one target. The targets are placed at any distance required, from thirty to one hundred yards; ladies being allowed an advantage of about one-fourth the distance in shooting. To beginners, a distance of from twenty-five to forty yards for gentlemen, and twenty to thirty for ladies, is sufficient, and this distance may be increased as practice is acquired. An equal number of ladies and gentlemen usually occupy one target, and each shoots a certain number of arrows as agreed upon, usually from three to six, a score being kept as the target is hit. After each person has shot the allotted number of arrows, it is re[Pg 402]garded as an "end," and a certain number of ends, as agreed upon, constitute a "round." For prize shooting, the National Archery Association has established three rounds, known as the "York Round," the "American Round," and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies). The "York Round" consists of 72 arrows at 100 yards, 48 at 80 yards, and 24 at 60 yards. The "American Round" consists of 30 arrows, each at 60, 50 and 40 yards respectively, and the "Columbia Round" (for ladies), 24 arrows, each at 50, 40 and 30 yards respectively. A captain is appointed for each target, who designates a target scorer, and the gentleman who makes the largest score, is appointed captain of the target at the succeeding meeting. The target scorer, at the close of the round, hands the score to the official scorer, who announces the result at the next meeting of the club. Some clubs have adopted the plan of having every alternate meeting for prize shooting, awarding some small token to the lady and gentleman who makes the highest scores.
In practice meetings, it's standard to have one target for every six, eight, or ten people, with ten being enough for one target. The targets can be set at any required distance, ranging from thirty to one hundred yards, with ladies getting an advantage of about one-fourth of the distance. For beginners, a distance of twenty-five to forty yards for men and twenty to thirty for women is appropriate, and this can be increased as skills improve. Typically, an equal number of men and women share one target, and each person shoots a certain number of arrows as agreed upon, usually between three to six, while keeping score based on hits. After everyone has shot their designated arrows, that’s considered an "end," and a set number of ends, as decided, makes up a "round." For competitive shooting, the National Archery Association has set up three rounds called the "York Round," the "American Round," and the "Columbia Round" (for women). The "York Round" consists of 72 arrows at 100 yards, 48 at 80 yards, and 24 at 60 yards. The "American Round" has 30 arrows at 60, 50, and 40 yards, respectively, while the "Columbia Round" (for women) involves 24 arrows at 50, 40, and 30 yards, respectively. A captain is assigned for each target, who appoints a target scorer, and the person with the highest score becomes captain for the next meeting. The target scorer submits the score to an official scorer at the end of the round, who then announces the results at the club's next meeting. Some clubs have started having prize shooting every other meeting, giving a small prize to the man and woman with the highest scores.
Ladies' costume for archery may be more brilliant than for an ordinary walking dress, and are usually trimmed with green and gold color, and in many cases a green jacket is worn. The costumes are short enough for convenience in movement, and made so as to give free and easy movement of the arms.
Ladies' archery costumes can be more vibrant than regular walking dresses, typically trimmed in green and gold, often featuring a green jacket. The outfits are designed to be short for easy movement and made to allow free and comfortable arm motion.
Amongst all games, none, perhaps can so justly lay claim to the honor of antiquity as tennis. The ancient[Pg 403] Greeks played it, the Romans knew it as pila, and ever since those days, with little intermission, the game has been played in many European countries. After a long season of rest, the game has now re-appeared in all the freshness of renewed youth. There are many points to be said to commend tennis. Both ladies and gentlemen can join in the game, and often the palm will be borne off by the "weaker, yet fairer" sex. The exercise required to enjoy the game is not in any way of an exhausting character, and affords ladies a training in graceful and charming movements. Lawn-tennis may be played either in summer or winter, and in cold weather, if the ground be dry, is a very agreeable out-door recreation. At a croquet or garden party it is certainly a desideratum.
Among all games, none can quite claim the title of being the oldest as tennis. The ancient[Pg 403] Greeks played it, the Romans called it pila, and since then, the game has been played in many European countries without much interruption. After a long break, the game has come back with all the freshness of renewed youth. There are many reasons to appreciate tennis. Both women and men can participate, and it's often the "weaker, yet fairer" sex that takes home the victory. The physical activity required to enjoy the game is not exhausting and provides women with training in graceful and charming movements. Lawn tennis can be played in both summer and winter, and in cold weather, it's a very enjoyable outdoor activity if the ground is dry. It is definitely a must-have at a croquet or garden party.
The requisites for playing lawn-tennis, are a lawn or level surface about 45 by 100 feet, as the "court" upon which the playing is done is 27 by 78 feet. A net four or five feet in height and 27 feet long, divides the court. A ball made of india rubber and covered with cloth, and a "racket" for each player are the implements needed for playing. The racket is used for handling the ball, and is about two feet in length, with net work at the outer end, by means of which the ball is tossed from one place to another. Rules for playing the game are obtained with the implements needed, which can be procured from dealers in such lines of goods.[Pg 404]
The requirements for playing lawn tennis are a lawn or flat area about 45 by 100 feet, since the "court" where the game is played measures 27 by 78 feet. A net that is four or five feet high and 27 feet long divides the court. You'll need a ball made of rubber and covered in cloth, as well as a "racket" for each player. The racket, which is used to hit the ball, is about two feet long and has a mesh at the end for tossing the ball back and forth. You can find the rules for the game along with the necessary equipment at stores that sell sports gear.[Pg 404]
The game of croquet is played by opposite parties, of one or more on a side, each player being provided with a mallet and her own ball which are distinguished by their color.
The game of croquet is played by opposing teams, with one or more players on each side. Each player has a mallet and their own ball, which is identified by its color.
The players in their turn place their ball a mallet's length from the starting stake, and strike it with the mallet, the object being to pass it through the first one or two hoops. The turning or upper stake must be struck with the ball before the player can pass her ball through the returning hoops, and on returning to the starting point the ball must hit the starting stake before the player is the winner. The one who passes through all the hoops and gets her ball to the starting stake first is the winner. We do not give the rules of the game as each croquet set is accompanied by a complete set of rules.
The players take turns placing their ball a mallet's length from the starting stake and hitting it with the mallet, aiming to pass it through the first one or two hoops. The turning or upper stake must be hit with the ball before the player can pass their ball through the returning hoops, and upon returning to the starting point, the ball must hit the starting stake before the player wins. The first person to pass through all the hoops and get their ball to the starting stake is the winner. We don’t provide the rules of the game since each croquet set comes with a complete set of rules.
Where four are playing, two of whom are gentlemen, one lady and gentleman usually play as partners. As it is the height of ill-manners to display any rudeness, no lady or gentleman will be so far forgetful as to become angry should the opposing parties be found "cheating."
Where four people are playing, two of whom are gentlemen, one lady and one gentleman usually team up as partners. It's extremely rude to show any disrespect, so no lady or gentleman would forget themselves enough to get angry if the other team is found "cheating."
Invitations to a croquet party may be of the same form as invitations to any other party.
Invitations to a croquet party can be just like invitations to any other party.
Where there is a sufficiently large body or stream of water to admit of it, boating is a very enjoyable recreation, which may be pursued by both ladies and gentle[Pg 405]men. There is much danger in sailing, and the proper management of a sail-boat requires considerable tact and experience. Rowing is safer, but caution should be observed in not over-loading the boat. A gentleman should not invite ladies to ride on the water unless he is thoroughly capable of managing the boat. Rowing is a healthful and delightful recreation, and many ladies become expert and skillful at it. Every gentleman should have some knowledge of rowing, as it is easily acquired. If a gentleman who is inexperienced in rowing, goes out with other gentlemen in a boat, he should refrain from any attempt to row, as he will only display his awkwardness, and render the ride uncomfortable to his companions.
Where there is a large enough body or stream of water, boating is a really enjoyable activity that can be enjoyed by both women and men. Sailing has its dangers, and handling a sailboat properly requires a good amount of skill and experience. Rowing is safer, but you need to be careful not to overload the boat. A man shouldn’t invite women to go out on the water unless he can confidently manage the boat. Rowing is a healthy and fun pastime, and many women become quite skilled at it. Every man should have some basic knowledge of rowing, as it’s easy to learn. If an inexperienced man goes out with other men in a boat, he should avoid trying to row, as he’ll likely just show his awkwardness and make the ride uncomfortable for everyone else.
In rowing with a friend, it is polite to offer him the "stroke" oar, which is the post of honor.
In rowing with a friend, it's considerate to give them the "stroke" oar, which is the position of honor.
When two gentlemen take a party of ladies out for a row, one stands in the boat to steady it and offer assistance to the ladies in getting seated, and the other aids from the wharf.
When two guys take a group of ladies out for a row, one stands in the boat to keep it steady and help the ladies get seated, while the other assists from the dock.
A lady's dress for rowing should be one which will give perfect freedom to her arm; a short skirt, stout boots, and hat with sufficient brim to protect her face from the sun.
A woman's dress for rowing should allow her arms to move freely; a short skirt, sturdy boots, and a hat with a wide brim to shield her face from the sun.
While ladies and gentlemen never forget their good manners, and are always polite and courteous, yet at picnics they are privileged to relax many of the forms and ceremonies required by strict etiquette. Here men [Pg 406]and women mingle for a day of pleasure in the woods or fields, or on the water, and it is the part of all who attend to do what they can for their own and their neighbor's enjoyment. Hence, formal introductions and other ceremonies need not stand in the way of enjoyment either by ladies or gentlemen, and at the same time no act of rudeness should occur to mar the pleasure of the occasion. It is the duty of gentlemen to do all they can to make the occasion enjoyable and even mirthful. They should also look to providing the means of conveyance to and from the spot selected for the festivities, make such arrangements as are necessary in the way of providing music, games, boats, and whatever else is needed to enhance the pleasure of the day. The ladies provide the luncheon or dinner, which is spread upon the grass or eaten out of their baskets, and at which the restraints of the table are withdrawn. At picnics, gentlemen become the servants as well as the escorts and guides of the ladies, and perform such services for ladies in the way of procuring flowers, carrying baskets, climbing trees, baiting their fish-hooks, and many other things as are requested of them.
While men and women always remember their good manners and remain polite and courteous, at picnics they can relax many of the formalities required by strict etiquette. Here, men and women come together for a day of fun in the woods or fields, or on the water, and it's everyone's responsibility to contribute to their own enjoyment and that of their neighbors. Therefore, formal introductions and other ceremonies shouldn't interfere with the enjoyment of either the ladies or gentlemen, and at the same time, no act of rudeness should spoil the occasion. It's the responsibility of the gentlemen to do their best to make the day enjoyable and even joyful. They should also ensure there are means of transport to and from the chosen spot for the festivities, make arrangements for music, games, boats, and anything else needed to enhance the day's enjoyment. The ladies prepare the lunch or dinner, which is enjoyed on the grass or from their baskets, where the usual table etiquette is relaxed. At picnics, gentlemen become both the servers and the escorts of the ladies, performing tasks like getting flowers, carrying baskets, climbing trees, baiting fish hooks, and many other things as requested.
Private theatricals may be made very pleasing and instructive entertainments for fall or winter evenings, among either young or married people. They include charades, proverbs, tableaux, dramatic readings, and the presentation of a short dramatical piece, and may [Pg 407]successfully be given in the parlor or drawing room. The hostess seeks the aid of friends in the preparation of her arrangements, and if a drama has been determined upon, she assigns the various parts to each. Her friends should aid her in her efforts by giving her all the assistance they can, and by willingly and good-naturedly complying with any request she may make, accepting the parts allotted to them, even if they are obscure or distasteful. They should endeavor to perform their part in any dramatical piece, tableau or charade as well as possible, and the success they achieve will determine how conspicuous a part they may be called upon to perform at a subsequent time. The hostess should consult each performer before alloting a part, and endeavor to suit each one. The host or hostess should not have any conspicuous part assigned them, unless it is urged by all the other performers. Those who are to participate, should not only learn their parts, but endeavor to imbue themselves with the spirit of the character they personate, so as to afford pleasure to all who are invited to witness its performance. When persons have consented to participate in any such entertainment, only sickness or some very grave cause should prevent them from undertaking their part. Supper or refreshments usually follow private theatricals, of which both the performers and invited guests are invited to partake, and the remainder of the evening is spent in social intercourse.[Pg 408]
Private performances can be really enjoyable and educational activities for fall or winter evenings, whether among young people or couples. They can include charades, proverbs, tableaux, dramatic readings, and the staging of a short play, and can be successfully hosted in the living room or drawing room. The hostess seeks help from friends to get everything ready, and if a play has been chosen, she assigns different roles to everyone. Her friends should support her endeavors by offering all the assistance they can and willingly accepting any requests she makes, including the roles assigned to them, even if they are minor or undesirable. They should aim to perform their parts in any dramatic piece, tableau, or charade to the best of their ability, as their performance will influence what roles they are offered in the future. The hostess should check with each performer before assigning roles, trying to match each person with the part that suits them best. The host or hostess should not take on a major role unless all the other performers insist on it. Those participating should not only memorize their lines but also try to embody the character they are playing, to entertain all the guests watching. Once individuals have agreed to take part in such an event, only illness or a serious issue should excuse them from fulfilling their role. Typically, supper or refreshments are served after the performances, and both the performers and guests are invited to enjoy these, with the rest of the evening spent socializing.[Pg 408]
Never urge any one who seems to be unwilling to play a game of cards. They may have conscientious scruples in the matter, which must be respected.
Never push anyone who seems reluctant to play a card game. They might have personal principles about it, which should be respected.
If you have no scruples of conscience, it is not courteous to refuse, when a game cannot be made up without you.
If you have no moral qualms, it’s rude to decline when a game can’t happen without you.
You may refuse to play if you do not understand the game thoroughly. If, however, you are urged to try, and your partner and opponents offer to instruct you, you may accede to their requests, for in so doing, you will acquire a better knowledge of the game.
You can choose not to play if you don’t fully understand the game. However, if you’re encouraged to give it a shot, and your partner and opponents are willing to teach you, you can agree to their requests. By doing this, you’ll gain a better understanding of the game.
Married and elderly people take precedence over young and unmarried people, in a game of cards.
Married and older people take priority over young and single people in a card game.
It is the privilege of the host and hostess to suggest cards as a means of amusement for the guests. The latter should never call for them.
It is the host and hostess's privilege to suggest cards as a source of entertainment for the guests. The guests should never ask for them.
"Whist" is a game of cards so-called, because it requires silence and close attention. Therefore in playing this game, you must give your whole attention to the cards, and secure at least comparative silence. Do not suggest or keep up any conversation during a game, which will distract your own mind or the mind of others from the game.
"Whist" is a card game that gets its name because it requires silence and focus. When playing this game, you need to concentrate fully on the cards and maintain at least some level of quiet. Avoid suggesting or engaging in any conversation during a game, as it can distract you and others from the gameplay.
Never hurry any one who is playing. In endeavoring to play their best, they should take their own time, without interruption.
Never rush anyone who is playing. In trying to do their best, they should take their own time, without interruptions.
Betting at cards is vulgar, partakes of the nature of gambling, and should at all times be avoided.[Pg 409]
Betting on cards is tacky, involves gambling, and should always be avoided.[Pg 409]
Never finger the cards while they are being dealt, nor take up any of them until all are dealt out, when you may take your own cards and proceed to play.
Never touch the cards while they are being dealt, and don’t pick any of them up until everything has been dealt. Then you can grab your own cards and start playing.
In large assemblies it is best to furnish the cards and tables, and allow guests to play or not, at their option, the host and hostess giving their assistance in seeking for people disposed to play, and in making up a game. In giving card parties, new cards should be provided on every occasion.
In big gatherings, it's a good idea to provide cards and tables, letting guests decide whether they want to play or not. The hosts should help find people who are interested in playing and help organize a game. For card parties, new decks of cards should be supplied each time.

CHAPTER XXXV.
The Language of Flowers.

OW beautiful and yet how cheap are flowers! Not exotics, but what are called common flowers. A rose, for instance, is among the most beautiful of the smiles of nature. The "laughing flowers," exclaims the poet. But there is more than gayety in blooming flowers, though it takes a wise man to see the beauty, the love, and the adaptation of which they are full.
What should we think of one who had invented flowers, supposing that, before him, flowers were unknown? Would he not be regarded as the opener-up of a paradise of new delight? Should we not hail the inventor as a genius, as a god? And yet these lovely offsprings of the earth have been speaking to man from the first dawn of his existence until now, telling him of the goodness and wisdom of the Creative Power, which bid the earth bring forth, not only that which was useful as food, but also flowers, the bright consummate flowers to clothe it in beauty and joy!
What should we think of someone who had invented flowers, assuming that, before him, flowers were completely unknown? Wouldn't he be seen as the one who opened up a paradise of new delights? Shouldn’t we celebrate the inventor as a genius, even a god? Yet these beautiful creations of the earth have been communicating with humanity since the very beginning of our existence, reminding us of the goodness and wisdom of the Creative Power that commanded the earth to produce not only what is useful as food but also flowers, the vibrant, perfect flowers that adorn it with beauty and joy!

FLOWERS. |
"The meanest flower that blows, can give |
"Thoughts that often go too deep for tears." |
Bring one of the commonest field-flowers into a room, place it on a table, or chimney-piece, and you seem to have brought a ray of sunshine into the place. There is a cheerfulness about flowers. What a delight are they to the drooping invalid! They are a sweet enjoyment, coming as messengers from the country, and seeming to say, "Come and see the place where we grow, and let your heart be glad in our presence."
Bring one of the most common wildflowers into a room, put it on a table or a mantel, and it feels like you've brought a burst of sunshine indoors. Flowers radiate cheerfulness. They're such a joy for someone who's feeling down or ill! They offer a lovely experience, arriving as little messengers from the countryside, as if they’re saying, "Come and see where we grow, and let your heart be happy with us."
There is a sentiment attached to flowers, and this sentiment has been expressed in language by giving names to various flowers, shrubs and plants. These names constitute a language, which may be made the medium of pleasant and amusing interchange of thought between men and women. A bouquet of flowers and leaves may be selected and arranged so as to express much depth of feeling—to be truly a poem. We present herewith a list of many flowers and plants, to which, by universal consent, a sentiment has become attached.
There’s a feeling connected to flowers, and this feeling has been expressed through names given to different flowers, shrubs, and plants. These names form a language that can create a delightful and entertaining exchange of ideas between people. A bouquet of flowers and leaves can be chosen and arranged to convey deep emotions—making it a true poem. Here’s a list of many flowers and plants that, by common agreement, carry a special meaning.
Acacia, Rose—Friendship.
Acanthus—Arts.
Adonis Vernalis—Bitter memories.
Agnus Casus—Coldness.
Agrimony—Thankfulness.
Almond—Hope.
Aloe—Superstition.
Althea—Consumed by love.
Alyssum, Sweet—Worth beyond beauty.
Amaranth—Immortality.
Amaryllis—Splendid beauty.
Ambrosia—Love returned.
Anemone—Expectation.
[Pg 412] Anemone, Garden—Forsaken.
Angelica—Inspiration.
Apocynum (Dogbane)—Inspiration.
Apple—Temptation.
Apple Blossom—Preference.
Arbor vitæ—Unchanging friendship.
Arbutus, Trailing—Welcome.
Arum—Ardor.
Ash—Grandeur.
Ash, Mountain—Prudence.
Aspen Tree—Lamentation.
Asphodel—Regrets beyond the grave.
Aurilica—Avarice.
Azalea—Romance.
Bachelor's Button—Hope in love.
Balm—Sympathy.
Balm of Gilead—Healing.
Balsam—Impatience.
Barberry—Sharpness, satire.
Basil—Hatred.
Bay Leaf—No change till death.
Beech—Prosperity.
Bee Ophrys—Error.
Bee Orchis—Industry.
Bell Flower—Gratitude.
Belvidere, Wild (Licorice)—I declare against you.
Bilberry—Treachery.
Birch Tree—Meekness.
Black Bryony—Be my support.
Bladder-Nut Tree—Frivolous amusements.
Blue Bottle—Delicacy.
Borage—Bluntness.
Box—Constancy.
Briers—Envy.
Broken Straw—Constancy.
Broom—Neatness.
Buckbean—Calm repose.
Bugloss—Falsehood.
Burdock—Importunity.
[Pg 413] Buttercup—Riches.
Cactus—Thou leavest me.
Calla Lilly—Feminine beauty.
Calycanthus—Benevolence.
Camelia—Pity.
Camomile—Energy in action.
Candytuft—Indifference.
Canterbury Bell—Gratitude.
Cape Jasmine Gardenia—Transport, ecstasy.
Cardinal Flower—Distinction.
Carnation, Yellow—Disdain.
Catchfly (Silene), Red—Youthful love.
Catchfly, White—I fall a victim.
Cedar—I live for thee.
Cedar of Lebanon—Incorruptible.
Celandine—Future joy.
Cherry Tree—Good education.
Chickweed—I cling to thee.
Chickory—Frugality.
China Aster—I will think of thee.
China, Pink—Aversion.
Chrysanthemum, Rose—In love.
Chrysanthemum, White—Truth.
Chrysanthemum, Yellow—Slighted love.
Cinquefoil—Beloved child.
Clematis—Artifice.
Clover, Red—Industry.
Cobœa—Gossip.
Coxcomb—Foppery.
Colchium—My best days fled.
Coltsfoot—Justice shall be done you.
Columbine—Folly.
Columbine, Purple—Resolved to win.
Columbine, Red—Anxious.
Convolvulus Major—Dead hope.
Convolvulus Minor—Uncertainty.
Corchorus—Impatience of happiness.
Coreopsis—Love at first sight.
Coriander—Hidden merit.
[Pg 414] Corn—Riches.
Cornelian Cherry Tree—Durability.
Coronilla—Success to you.
Cowslip—Pensiveness.
Cowslip, American—My divinity.
Crocus—Cheerfulness.
Crown Imperial—Majesty.
Currants—You please me.
Cypress—Mourning.
Cypress and Marigold—Despair.
Daffodil—Chivalry.
Dahlia—Forever thine.
Daisy, Garden—I share your feelings.
Daisy, Michaelmas—Farewell.
Daisy, Red—Beauty unknown to possessor.
Daisy, White—Innocence.
Daisy, Wild—I will think of it.
Dandelion—Coquetry.
Daphne Mezereon—I desire to please.
Daphne Odora—I would not have you otherwise.
Deadleaves—Sadness.
Diosma—Usefulness.
Dittany—Birth.
Dock—Patience.
Dodder—Meanness.
Dogwood Flowering (Cornus)—Am I indifferent to you?
Ebony—Hypocrisy.
Eglantine—I wound to heal.
Elder—Compassion.
Elm—Dignity.
Endine—Frugality.
Epigæa, Repens (Mayflower)—Budding beauty.
Eupatorium—Delay.
Evening Primrose—Inconstancy.
Evergreen—Poverty.
Everlasting (Graphalium)—Never ceasing memory.
Filbert—Reconciliation.
Fir Tree—Elevation.
[Pg 415] Flax—I feel your kindness.
Flora's Bell—Without pretension.
Flowering Reed—Confide in heaven.
Forget-me-not—True love.
Foxglove—Insincerity.
Fraxinella—Fire.
Fritilaria (Guinea-hen Flower)—Persecution.
Furze—Anger.
Fuchsia—The ambition of my love thus plagues itself.
Fuchsia, Scarlet—Taste.
Gardenia—Transport; Ecstasy.
Gentian, Fringed—Intrinsic worth.
Geranium, Apple—Present preference.
Geranium, Ivy—Your hand for next dance.
Geranium, Nutmeg—I expect a meeting.
Geranium, Oak—Lady, deign to smile.
Geranium, Rose—Preference.
Geranium, Silver-leaf—Recall.
Gillyflower—Lasting beauty.
Gladiolus—Ready armed.
Golden Rod—Encouragement.
Gooseberry—Anticipation.
Goosefoot—Goodness.
Gorse—Endearing affection.
Grape—Charity.
Grass—Utility.
Guelder Rose (Snowball)—Winter.
Harebell—Grief.
Hawthorn—Hope.
Heart's Ease—Think of me.
Heart's Ease, Purple—You occupy my thoughts.
Hazel—Reconciliation.
Heath—Solitude.
Helenium—Tears.
Heliotrope, Peruvian—I love; devotion.
Hellebore—Scandal.
Henbane—Blemish.
Hepatica—Confidence.
Hibiscus—Delicate Beauty.
[Pg 416] Holly—Foresight.
Hollyhock—Fruitfulness.
Hollyhock, White—Female ambition.
Honesty (Lunaria)—Sincerity.
Honeysuckle—The bond of love.
Honeysuckle, Coral—The color of my fate.
Honeysuckle, Monthly—I will not answer hastily.
Hop—Injustice.
Hornbeam—Ornament.
Horse-Chestnut—Luxury.
House-Leek—Domestic Economy.
Houstonia—Content.
Hoya (Wax Plant)—Sculpture.
Hyacinth—Jealousy.
Hyacinth, Blue—Constancy.
Hyacinth, Purple—Sorrow.
Hydrangea—Heartlessness.
Ice Plant—Your looks freeze me.
Indian Cress—Resignation.
Ipomaca—I attach myself to you.
Iris—Message.
Iris, German—Flame.
Ivy—Friendship; matrimony.
Jessamine, Cape—Transient joy.
Jessamine, White—Amiability.
Jessamine, Yellow—Grace; elegance.
Jonquil—Return my affection.
Judas-Tree—Betrayed.
Juniper—Perfect Loveliness.
Kalmia (Mountain Laurel)—Treachery.
Kennedia—Intellectual beauty.
Laburnum—Pensive Beauty.
Lady's Slipper—Capricious beauty.
Lagerstroema (Cape Myrtle)—Eloquence.
Lantana—Rigor.
Larch—Boldness.
Larkspur—Fickleness.
Laurel—Glory.
Laurestinus—I die if neglected.
[Pg 417] Lavender—Distrust.
Lemon Blossom—Discretion.
Lettuce—Cold-hearted.
Lilac—First emotion of love.
Lilac, White—Youth.
Lily—Purity; modesty.
Lily of the Valley—Return of happiness.
Lily, Day—Coquetry.
Lily, Water—Eloquence.
Lily, Yellow—Falsehood.
Linden Tree—Conjugal love.
Live Oak—Liberty.
Liverwort—Confidence.
Locust—Affection beyond the grave.
London Pride—Frivolity.
Lotus—Forgetful of the past.
Love in a Mist—You puzzle me.
Love Lies Bleeding—Hopeless, not heartless.
Lucerne—Life.
Lungwort (Pulmonaria)—Thou art my life.
Lupine—Imagination.
Lychnis—Religious Enthusiasm.
Lythrum—Pretension.
Madder—Calumny.
Maiden's Hair—Discretion.
Magnolia, Chinese—Love of Nature.
Magnolia, Grandiflora—Peerless and Proud.
Magnolia, Swamp—Perseverance.
Mallow—Sweetness.
Mandrake—Horror.
Maple—Reserve.
Marigold—Cruelty.
Marigold, African—Vulgar-minded.
Marigold, French—Jealousy.
Marjoram—Blushes.
Marshmallow—Beneficence.
Marvel of Peru (Four o'clock)—Timidity.
Meadow Saffron—My best days gone.
Meadow Sweet—Usefulness.
[Pg 418] Mignonette—Your qualities surpass your charms.
Mimosa—Sensitiveness.
Mint—Virtue.
Mistletoe—I surmount all difficulties.
Mock Orange (Syringia)—Counterfeit.
Monkshood—A deadly foe is near.
Moonwort—Forgetfulness.
Morning Glory—Coquetry.
Moss—Maternal love.
Motherwort—Secret Love.
Mourning Bride (Scabious)—Unfortunate attachment.
Mouse-ear Chickweed—Simplicity.
Mulberry, Black—I will not survive you.
Mulberry, White—Wisdom.
Mullein—Good nature.
Mushroom—Suspicion.
Mush Plant—Weakness.
Mustard Seed—Indifference.
Myosotis—Forget me not.
Myrtle—Love.
Narcissus—Egotism.
Nasturtium—Patriotism.
Nettle—Cruelty; Slander.
Night Blooming Cereus—Transient beauty.
Nightshade—Bitter truth.
Oak—Hospitality.
Oats—Music.
Oleander—Beware.
Orange—Generosity.
Orange Flower—Chastity.
Orchis—Beauty.
Osier—Frankness.
Osmunda—Dreams.
Pansy—Think of me.
Parsley—Entertainment.
Pasque Flower—Unpretentious.
Passion Flower—Religious Fervor.
Pea—Appointed meeting.
Pea, Everlasting—Wilt go with me?
[Pg 419] Pea, Sweet—Departure.
Peach Blossom—My heart is thine.
Pear Tree—Affection.
Peony—Anger.
Pennyroyal—Flee away.
Periwinkle—Sweet memories.
Persimmon—Bury me amid nature's beauties.
Petunica—Am not proud.
Pheasant's Eye—Sorrowful memories.
Phlox—Our souls united.
Pimpernel—Change.
Pine—Time.
Pine Apple—You are perfect.
Pine, Spruce—Farewell.
Pink—Pure affection.
Pink, Clove—Dignity.
Pink, Double-red—Pure, ardent love.
Pink, Indian—Aversion.
Pink, Mountain—You are aspiring.
Pink, Variegated—Refusal.
Pink, White—You are fair.
Pink, Yellow—Disdain.
Plane Tree—Genius.
Pleurisy Root (Asclopias)—Heartache cure.
Plum Tree—Keep promise.
Plum Tree, Wild—Independence.
Polyanthus—Confidence.
Poplar, Black—Courage.
Poplar, White—Time.
Poppy—Consolation.
Poppy, White—Sleep of the heart.
Pomegranate—Foolishness.
Pomegranate Flower—Elegance.
Potato—Beneficence.
Pride of China (Melia)—Dissension.
Primrose—Early youth.
Primrose, Evening—Inconstancy.
Privet—Mildness.
Pumpkin—Coarseness.
[Pg 420] Quince—Temptation.
Ragged-robin (Lychnis)—Wit.
Ranunculus—Radiant with charms.
Reeds—Music.
Rhododendron—Agitation.
Rose—Beauty.
Rose, Austrian—Thou art all that is lovely.
Rose, Bridal—Happy love.
Rose, Burgundy—Unconscious beauty.
Rose, Cabbage—Love's Ambassador.
Rose, Campion—Only deserve my love.
Rose, Carolina—Love is dangerous.
Rose, China—Grace.
Rose, Daily—That smile I would aspire to.
Rose, Damask—Freshness.
Rose, Dog—Pleasure and pain.
Rose, Hundred Leaf—Pride.
Rose, Inermis—Ingratitude.
Rose, Maiden's Blush—If you do love me you will find me out.
Rose, Moss—Superior merit.
Rosebud, Moss—Confessed love.
Rose, Multiflora—Grace.
Rose, Musk-cluster—Charming.
Rose, Sweetbriar—Sympathy.
Rose, Tea—Always lovely.
Rose, Unique—Call me not beautiful.
Rose, White—I am worthy of you.
Rose, White (withered)—Transient impression.
Rose, Wild—Simplicity.
Rose, Yellow—Decrease of love.
Rose, York and Lancaster—War.
Roses, Garland of—Reward of Virtue.
Rosebud—Young girl.
Rosebud, White—The heart that knows not love.
Rosemary—Your presence revives me.
Rue—Disdain.
Rush—Docility.
Saffron—Excess is dangerous.
[Pg 421] Sage—Esteem.
Sardonia—Irony.
Satin-flower (Lunaria)—Sincerity.
Scabious, Mourning Bride—Widowhood.
Sensitive Plant—Timidity.
Service Tree—Prudence.
Snapdragon—Presumption.
Snowball—Thoughts of heaven.
Snowdrop—Consolation.
Sorrel—Wit ill-timed.
Southernwood—Jesting.
Spearmint—Warm feelings.
Speedwell, Veronica—Female fidelity.
Spindle-tree—Your image is engraven on my heart.
Star of Bethlehem—Reconciliation.
Starwort, American—Welcome to a stranger.
St. John's Wort (Hypericum)—Superstition.
Stock, Ten-week—Promptitude.
Stramonium, Common—Disguise.
Strawberry—Perfect excellence.
Strawberry Tree (Arbutus)—Esteemed love.
Sumac—Splendor.
Sunflower, Dwarf—Your devout admirer.
Sunflower, Fall—Pride.
Sweet Sultan—Felicity.
Sweet William—Artifice.
Sycamore—Curiosity.
Syringia—Memory.
Tansy—I declare against you.
Teasel—Misanthropy.
Thistle—Austerity.
Thorn Apple—Deceitful charms.
Thorn, Black—Difficulty.
Thorns—Severity.
Thrift—Sympathy.
Throatwood (Pulmonaria)—Neglected beauty.
Thyme—Activity.
Tiger Flower—May pride befriend thee.
Touch me not, Balsam—Impatience.
[Pg 422] Truffle—Surprise.
Trumpet Flower—Separation.
Tuberose—Dangerous pleasures.
Tulip—Declaration of love.
Tulip Tree—Rural happiness.
Tulip, Variegated—Beautiful eyes.
Tulip, Yellow—Hopeless love.
Turnip—Charity.
Valerian—Accommodating disposition.
Venus's Flytrap—Caught at last.
Venus's Looking-glass—Flattery.
Verbena—Sensibility.
Vine—Intoxicating.
Violet, Blue—Love.
Violet, White—Modesty.
Violet, Yellow—Modest worth.
Virgin's Bower—Filial love.
Wall Flower—Fidelity.
Walnut—Stratagem.
Weeping Willow—Forsaken.
Wheat—Prosperity.
Woodbine—Fraternal love.
Wood Sorrel—Joy.
Wormwood—Absence.
Yarrow—Cure for heartache.
Yew—Sorrow.
Zennæ—Absent friends.

CHAPTER XXXVI.
Precious Stones.

OME of the precious stones and gems have been given a distinct significance by imparting a special meaning or name to them. The ancients besides considered certain months sacred to the different stones, and some people have considered this in making birthday or wedding presents. Below will be found the stones regarded as sacred to the various months, with the meaning given to each.
January—Garnet—Constancy and Fidelity.
February—Amethyst—Sincerity.
March—Bloodstone—Courage.
April—Sapphire—Repentance.
May—Emerald—Success in love.
June—Agate—Health and long life.
July—Ruby—Forgetfulness of, and exemption from vexations caused by friendship and love.
August—Sardonyx—Conjugal Fidelity.
September—Chrysolite—Freedom from evil passions and sadness of mind.
October—Opal—Hope and Faith.
November—Topaz—Fidelity and Friendship.
December—Turquoise—Prosperity.
[Pg 424]
January—Garnet—Loyalty and Faithfulness.
February—Amethyst—Truthfulness.
March—Bloodstone—Bravery.
April—Sapphire—Remorse.
May—Emerald—Love Success.
June—Agate—Wellness and Longevity.
July—Ruby—Freedom from the troubles caused by relationships.
August—Sardonyx—Marital Loyalty.
September—Chrysolite—Relief from negative emotions and depression.
October—Opal—Expectation and Trust.
November—Topaz—Loyalty and Companionship.
December—Turquoise—Wealth.
[Pg 424]
Of the precious stones not included in the above list, the language is given below:
Of the valuable gemstones not mentioned in the list above, the details are provided below:
Diamond—Innocence.
Pearl—Purity.
Cornelian—Contented mind.
Moonstone—Protects from danger.
Heliotrope—Causing the owner to walk invisible.
Diamond—Innocence.
Pearl—Purity.
Cornelian—Peace of mind.
Moonstone—Offers protection from harm.
Heliotrope—Makes the owner invisible.

Transcriber's Notes:
Punctuation normalized except where hyphenation could not be determined.
Punctuation has been standardized, except where hyphenation couldn't be determined.
Page 10, "LTETER" changed to "LETTER".
Page 10, "LETTER" changed to "LETTER".
Page 38, "circumstrances" changed to "circumstances". (but circumstances may)
Page 38, "circumstrances" changed to "circumstances". (but circumstances may)
Page 52, "M." changed to "P.M." (12 P.M.)
Page 52, "M." changed to "P.M." (12 P.M.)
Page 88, "abominally" changed to "abominably". (abominably stupid)
Page 88, "abominally" changed to "abominably". (abominably stupid)
Page 132, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (conventional time allotted)
Page 132, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (conventional time allotted)
Page 142, "remaned" changed to "remained". (obliged to remain)
Page 142, "remaned" changed to "remained". (obliged to stay)
Page 167, "defferential" changed to "deferential". (show a deferential)
Page 167, "defferential" changed to "deferential". (show a deferential)
Page 251, "acquantance" changed to "acquaintance". (upon an acquaintance)
Page 251, "acquantance" changed to "acquaintance". (upon an acquaintance)
Page 261, "trivialties" changed to "trivialities". (trivialities than the family)
Page 261, "trivialties" changed to "trivialities". (trivialities than the family)
Page 267, "wish" changed to "wishes". (wishes, but should)
Page 267, "wish" changed to "wishes". (wishes, but should)
Page 286, "anniversay" changed to "anniversary". (The first anniversary)
Page 286, "anniversay" changed to "anniversary". (The first anniversary)
Page 287, "anniversay" chanted to "anniversary". (the fifth anniversary)
Page 287, "anniversary" chanted to "anniversary". (the fifth anniversary)
Page 293, "somtimes" changed to "sometimes". (two, and sometimes)
Page 293, "sometimes" changed to "sometimes". (two, and sometimes)
Page 315, "charater" changed to "character". (man's real character)
Page 315, "charater" changed to "character". (man's real character)
Page 325, "comonly" changed to "commonly". (dress is what is commonly)
Page 325, "commonly" changed to "commonly". (dress is what is commonly)
Page 335, "boquet" changed to "bouquet". (wreath and bouquet.)
Page 335, "bouquet" changed to "bouquet". (wreath and bouquet.)
Page 368, "paring" changed to "paring". (paring the toe-nails)
Page 368, "paring" changed to "paring". (paring the toenails)
Page 374, "halt" changed to "half". (half an ounce)
Page 374, "halt" changed to "half". (half an ounce)
Page 376, "ounce" changed to "ounces". (mix two ounces)
Page 376, "ounce" changed to "ounces". (mix two ounces)
Page 379, "on" changed to "an". (moss one-fourth of an ounce)
Page 379, "on" changed to "an". (moss one-fourth of an ounce)
Page 412, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (the allotted number)
Page 412, "alloted" changed to "allotted". (the allotted number)
Page 413, "Frugalit ." changed to "Frugality." (Chickory—Frugality.)
Page 413, "Frugalit ." changed to "Frugality." (Chickory—Frugality.)
Page 417, "Valey" changed to "Valley". (Lily of the Valley)
Page 417, "Valey" changed to "Valley". (Lily of the Valley)
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