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The Last Man

by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

LONDON:
HENRY COLBURN.
1826.


VOL. I.

INTRODUCTION.

I visited Naples in the year 1818. On the 8th of December of that year, my companion and I crossed the Bay, to visit the antiquities which are scattered on the shores of Baiæ. The translucent and shining waters of the calm sea covered fragments of old Roman villas, which were interlaced by sea-weed, and received diamond tints from the chequering of the sun-beams; the blue and pellucid element was such as Galatea might have skimmed in her car of mother of pearl; or Cleopatra, more fitly than the Nile, have chosen as the path of her magic ship. Though it was winter, the atmosphere seemed more appropriate to early spring; and its genial warmth contributed to inspire those sensations of placid delight, which are the portion of every traveller, as he lingers, loath to quit the tranquil bays and radiant promontories of Baiæ.

I visited Naples in 1818. On December 8th of that year, my friend and I crossed the bay to explore the ancient ruins along the shores of Baiae. The clear, sparkling waters of the calm sea revealed fragments of old Roman villas, intertwined with seaweed and glimmering with the sun's reflections; the blue, clear water was like what Galatea might have glided over in her mother-of-pearl chariot, or what Cleopatra might have chosen for her enchanted ship, even more fitting than the Nile. Even though it was winter, the atmosphere felt more like early spring, and its pleasant warmth added to the peaceful joy that every traveler experiences as they linger, reluctant to leave the serene bays and brilliant headlands of Baiae.

We visited the so called Elysian Fields and Avernus; and wandered through various ruined temples, baths, and classic spots; at length we entered the gloomy cavern of the Cumæan Sibyl. Our Lazzeroni bore flaring torches, which shone red, and almost dusky, in the murky subterranean passages, whose darkness thirstily surrounding them, seemed eager to imbibe more and more of the element of light. We passed by a natural archway, leading to a second gallery, and enquired, if we could not enter there also. The guides pointed to the reflection of their torches on the water that paved it, leaving us to form our own conclusion; but adding it was a pity, for it led to the Sibyl’s Cave. Our curiosity and enthusiasm were excited by this circumstance, and we insisted upon attempting the passage. As is usually the case in the prosecution of such enterprizes, the difficulties decreased on examination. We found, on each side of the humid pathway, “dry land for the sole of the foot.” At length we arrived at a large, desert, dark cavern, which the Lazzeroni assured us was the Sibyl’s Cave. We were sufficiently disappointed—Yet we examined it with care, as if its blank, rocky walls could still bear trace of celestial visitant. On one side was a small opening. Whither does this lead? we asked: can we enter here?—“Questo poi, no,”—said the wild looking savage, who held the torch; “you can advance but a short distance, and nobody visits it.”

We visited the so-called Elysian Fields and Avernus, wandering through various ruined temples, baths, and classic sites. Eventually, we entered the gloomy cave of the Cumæan Sibyl. Our guides carried bright torches that glowed red, almost dark, in the murky underground passages, where the surrounding darkness seemed eager to absorb more light. We passed through a natural archway that led to a second gallery and asked if we could enter there as well. The guides pointed to the reflection of their torches on the water that covered the ground, leaving us to draw our own conclusions but added it was a shame, as it led to the Sibyl’s Cave. Our curiosity and excitement were piqued by this, and we insisted on trying to go through. As is often the case with such endeavors, the challenges lessened upon closer inspection. We found, on either side of the damp path, “dry land for the sole of the foot.” Finally, we reached a large, desolate, dark cavern that the guides assured us was the Sibyl’s Cave. We were quite disappointed, yet we examined it carefully, as if its blank, rocky walls might still bear traces of celestial visitors. On one side was a small opening. “Where does this lead?” we asked. “Can we go in here?”—“Questo poi, no,” replied the wild-looking man holding the torch; “you can only go a short distance in, and nobody visits it.”

“Nevertheless, I will try it,” said my companion; “it may lead to the real cavern. Shall I go alone, or will you accompany me?”

“Still, I’ll give it a shot,” said my friend; “it might take us to the real cave. Should I go alone, or will you come with me?”

I signified my readiness to proceed, but our guides protested against such a measure. With great volubility, in their native Neapolitan dialect, with which we were not very familiar, they told us that there were spectres, that the roof would fall in, that it was too narrow to admit us, that there was a deep hole within, filled with water, and we might be drowned. My friend shortened the harangue, by taking the man’s torch from him; and we proceeded alone.

I expressed that I was ready to move forward, but our guides strongly opposed it. They passionately explained in their native Neapolitan dialect, which we didn’t really understand, that there were ghosts, that the roof would collapse, that the space was too tight for us, and that there was a deep puddle inside that could drown us. My friend cut their speech short by taking the man’s torch, and we went ahead on our own.

The passage, which at first scarcely admitted us, quickly grew narrower and lower; we were almost bent double; yet still we persisted in making our way through it. At length we entered a wider space, and the low roof heightened; but, as we congratulated ourselves on this change, our torch was extinguished by a current of air, and we were left in utter darkness. The guides bring with them materials for renewing the light, but we had none—our only resource was to return as we came. We groped round the widened space to find the entrance, and after a time fancied that we had succeeded. This proved however to be a second passage, which evidently ascended. It terminated like the former; though something approaching to a ray, we could not tell whence, shed a very doubtful twilight in the space. By degrees, our eyes grew somewhat accustomed to this dimness, and we perceived that there was no direct passage leading us further; but that it was possible to climb one side of the cavern to a low arch at top, which promised a more easy path, from whence we now discovered that this light proceeded. With considerable difficulty we scrambled up, and came to another passage with still more of illumination, and this led to another ascent like the former.

The passage, which barely allowed us to enter at first, quickly became narrower and lower; we were almost hunched over, yet we kept pushing through it. Eventually, we stepped into a larger area, and the low ceiling rose higher; but as we celebrated this change, a gust of wind snuffed out our torch, leaving us in complete darkness. The guides typically carry supplies to relight the torch, but we had none—our only option was to retrace our steps. We fumbled around the wider area trying to find the entrance, and after a while, we thought we had found it. However, it turned out to be a second passage that clearly went upward. It ended like the first one; although there was something resembling a ray of light, we couldn’t tell where it was coming from, casting a dim twilight in the space. Gradually, our eyes adjusted to the gloom, and we noticed there was no direct way forward; however, it was possible to climb up one side of the cave to a low arch at the top, which seemed to offer an easier path, from where we now realized the light was coming. We scrambled up with some effort and reached another passage with even more light, which led to another ascent similar to the previous one.

After a succession of these, which our resolution alone permitted us to surmount, we arrived at a wide cavern with an arched dome-like roof. An aperture in the midst let in the light of heaven; but this was overgrown with brambles and underwood, which acted as a veil, obscuring the day, and giving a solemn religious hue to the apartment. It was spacious, and nearly circular, with a raised seat of stone, about the size of a Grecian couch, at one end. The only sign that life had been here, was the perfect snow-white skeleton of a goat, which had probably not perceived the opening as it grazed on the hill above, and had fallen headlong. Ages perhaps had elapsed since this catastrophe; and the ruin it had made above, had been repaired by the growth of vegetation during many hundred summers.

After going through a series of these challenges, which our determination alone helped us overcome, we reached a spacious cavern with an arched, dome-like ceiling. An opening in the center allowed some light to filter in; however, it was covered in brambles and underbrush, serving as a veil that dimmed the daylight and gave the space a solemn, almost sacred feel. The cavern was large and almost circular, featuring a raised stone seat, roughly the size of a Greek couch, at one end. The only indication that life had once been here was the perfectly preserved snow-white skeleton of a goat, which likely didn't notice the opening while grazing on the hill above and fell in. Perhaps ages had passed since that incident, and the damage it caused above had been repaired by the growth of vegetation over many hundreds of summers.

The rest of the furniture of the cavern consisted of piles of leaves, fragments of bark, and a white filmy substance, resembling the inner part of the green hood which shelters the grain of the unripe Indian corn. We were fatigued by our struggles to attain this point, and seated ourselves on the rocky couch, while the sounds of tinkling sheep-bells, and shout of shepherd-boy, reached us from above.

The rest of the furniture in the cave was made up of heaps of leaves, pieces of bark, and a white, thin material that looked like the inner part of the green husk protecting the kernels of unripe corn. We were tired from our efforts to get here, so we sat down on the rocky ledge while the sounds of jingling sheep bells and the calls of the shepherd boy drifted down to us from above.

At length my friend, who had taken up some of the leaves strewed about, exclaimed, “This is the Sibyl’s cave; these are Sibylline leaves.” On examination, we found that all the leaves, bark, and other substances, were traced with written characters. What appeared to us more astonishing, was that these writings were expressed in various languages: some unknown to my companion, ancient Chaldee, and Egyptian hieroglyphics, old as the Pyramids. Stranger still, some were in modern dialects, English and Italian. We could make out little by the dim light, but they seemed to contain prophecies, detailed relations of events but lately passed; names, now well known, but of modern date; and often exclamations of exultation or woe, of victory or defeat, were traced on their thin scant pages. This was certainly the Sibyl’s Cave; not indeed exactly as Virgil describes it; but the whole of this land had been so convulsed by earthquake and volcano, that the change was not wonderful, though the traces of ruin were effaced by time; and we probably owed the preservation of these leaves, to the accident which had closed the mouth of the cavern, and the swift-growing vegetation which had rendered its sole opening impervious to the storm. We made a hasty selection of such of the leaves, whose writing one at least of us could understand; and then, laden with our treasure, we bade adieu to the dim hypæthric cavern, and after much difficulty succeeded in rejoining our guides.

Finally, my friend, who had picked up some of the leaves scattered around, exclaimed, “This is the Sibyl’s cave; these are Sibylline leaves.” Upon closer inspection, we found that all the leaves, bark, and other materials were covered with written characters. What astonished us even more was that these writings were in various languages: some unfamiliar to my companion, like ancient Chaldee and Egyptian hieroglyphics, as old as the Pyramids. Even stranger, some were in modern dialects, like English and Italian. The dim light made it hard to see, but they seemed to contain prophecies and detailed accounts of recent events; names that are well-known now, but more contemporary; and frequent expressions of joy or sorrow, victory or defeat, were inscribed on their thin, fragile pages. This was definitely the Sibyl’s Cave; not exactly as Virgil described it, but the entire area had been so shaken by earthquakes and volcanoes that the changes weren’t surprising, even if the signs of destruction had been faded by time; we likely owed the preservation of these leaves to the chance that had sealed the cave's entrance, along with the fast-growing plants that had made its only opening inaccessible to storms. We quickly chose some of the leaves that at least one of us could understand; then, carrying our treasure, we said goodbye to the dim, open-air cave and, after a lot of difficulty, managed to reunite with our guides.

During our stay at Naples, we often returned to this cave, sometimes alone, skimming the sun-lit sea, and each time added to our store. Since that period, whenever the world’s circumstance has not imperiously called me away, or the temper of my mind impeded such study, I have been employed in deciphering these sacred remains. Their meaning, wondrous and eloquent, has often repaid my toil, soothing me in sorrow, and exciting my imagination to daring flights, through the immensity of nature and the mind of man. For awhile my labours were not solitary; but that time is gone; and, with the selected and matchless companion of my toils, their dearest reward is also lost to me—

During our time in Naples, we frequently visited this cave, sometimes alone, gliding over the sunlit sea, and each time we gathered more treasures. Since then, whenever life hasn’t forced me away or my mindset hasn’t interfered with such studies, I’ve been busy deciphering these sacred remnants. Their meanings, both amazing and powerful, have often made my efforts worthwhile, comforting me in times of sorrow and inspiring my imagination to take bold leaps into the vastness of nature and human thought. For a while, my work wasn’t solitary; but that time has passed, and with the exceptional and unmatched partner of my efforts, their greatest reward is also lost to me—

Di mie tenere frondi altro lavoro
Credea mostrarte; e qual fero pianeta
Ne’ nvidiò insieme, o mio nobil tesoro?

Di mie tenere frondi altro lavoro
Credea mostrarte; e qual fero pianeta
Ne’ nvidiò insieme, o mio nobil tesoro?

I present the public with my latest discoveries in the slight Sibylline pages. Scattered and unconnected as they were, I have been obliged to add links, and model the work into a consistent form. But the main substance rests on the truths contained in these poetic rhapsodies, and the divine intuition which the Cumæan damsel obtained from heaven.

I share with the public my latest findings in the brief Sibylline pages. Although they were scattered and unconnected, I had to add connections and shape the work into a coherent format. However, the core content relies on the truths found in these poetic rhapsodies and the divine insight that the Cumæan girl received from heaven.

I have often wondered at the subject of her verses, and at the English dress of the Latin poet. Sometimes I have thought, that, obscure and chaotic as they are, they owe their present form to me, their decipherer. As if we should give to another artist, the painted fragments which form the mosaic copy of Raphael’s Transfiguration in St. Peter’s; he would put them together in a form, whose mode would be fashioned by his own peculiar mind and talent. Doubtless the leaves of the Cumæan Sibyl have suffered distortion and diminution of interest and excellence in my hands. My only excuse for thus transforming them, is that they were unintelligible in their pristine condition.

I often find myself thinking about the themes in her poems and the way a Latin poet's work is expressed in English. Sometimes, I believe that, despite their obscurity and chaos, they owe their current form to me as their interpreter. It’s like handing an artist the fragmented pieces that make up the mosaic of Raphael’s Transfiguration in St. Peter’s; he would reassemble them into a form shaped by his unique mind and talent. Certainly, the leaves of the Cumæan Sibyl have lost some clarity and depth in my hands. My only justification for changing them is that they were incomprehensible in their original state.

My labours have cheered long hours of solitude, and taken me out of a world, which has averted its once benignant face from me, to one glowing with imagination and power. Will my readers ask how I could find solace from the narration of misery and woeful change? This is one of the mysteries of our nature, which holds full sway over me, and from whose influence I cannot escape. I confess, that I have not been unmoved by the development of the tale; and that I have been depressed, nay, agonized, at some parts of the recital, which I have faithfully transcribed from my materials. Yet such is human nature, that the excitement of mind was dear to me, and that the imagination, painter of tempest and earthquake, or, worse, the stormy and ruin-fraught passions of man, softened my real sorrows and endless regrets, by clothing these fictitious ones in that ideality, which takes the mortal sting from pain.

My work has brightened long hours of loneliness and taken me away from a world that has turned its once friendly face away from me, leading me to one filled with imagination and power. Will my readers wonder how I found comfort amidst the stories of hardship and tragic change? This is one of the mysteries of our nature that holds me captive, and from which I cannot escape. I admit that I have been affected by the unfolding of the story and that I have felt downcast, even tormented, by certain parts of the account that I have faithfully transcribed from my materials. Yet, such is human nature that the thrill of thought was precious to me, and the imagination—creator of storms and earthquakes, or worse, the turbulent and destructive passions of humanity—softened my real sorrows and endless regrets by wrapping these fictional ones in an ideal quality that dulls the painful sting of reality.

I hardly know whether this apology is necessary. For the merits of my adaptation and translation must decide how far I have well bestowed my time and imperfect powers, in giving form and substance to the frail and attenuated Leaves of the Sibyl.

I’m not really sure if this apology is needed. The quality of my adaptation and translation will determine how well I’ve spent my time and limited abilities in shaping the delicate and thin Leaves of the Sibyl.

CHAPTER I.

I am the native of a sea-surrounded nook, a cloud-enshadowed land, which, when the surface of the globe, with its shoreless ocean and trackless continents, presents itself to my mind, appears only as an inconsiderable speck in the immense whole; and yet, when balanced in the scale of mental power, far outweighed countries of larger extent and more numerous population. So true it is, that man’s mind alone was the creator of all that was good or great to man, and that Nature herself was only his first minister. England, seated far north in the turbid sea, now visits my dreams in the semblance of a vast and well-manned ship, which mastered the winds and rode proudly over the waves. In my boyish days she was the universe to me. When I stood on my native hills, and saw plain and mountain stretch out to the utmost limits of my vision, speckled by the dwellings of my countrymen, and subdued to fertility by their labours, the earth’s very centre was fixed for me in that spot, and the rest of her orb was as a fable, to have forgotten which would have cost neither my imagination nor understanding an effort.

I come from a small coastal area, a land often covered by clouds, which, when I think about the world with its endless oceans and uncharted continents, seems like just a tiny dot in the vastness; yet, when it comes to mental strength, it outweighs larger countries with more people. It’s true that a person’s mind has created everything good and great for humanity, and Nature was just the starting point. England, located far to the north in the turbulent sea, now appears in my dreams as a large ship, well-crewed, that conquers the winds and sails proudly over the waves. In my youth, it was my entire world. When I stood on my home hills and saw the land and mountains stretch as far as I could see, dotted with the homes of my fellow countrymen and made fertile through their hard work, that spot felt like the very center of the earth for me, and the rest of the world was like a story; forgetting it wouldn’t take any effort from my imagination or understanding.

My fortunes have been, from the beginning, an exemplification of the power that mutability may possess over the varied tenor of man’s life. With regard to myself, this came almost by inheritance. My father was one of those men on whom nature had bestowed to prodigality the envied gifts of wit and imagination, and then left his bark of life to be impelled by these winds, without adding reason as the rudder, or judgment as the pilot for the voyage. His extraction was obscure; but circumstances brought him early into public notice, and his small paternal property was soon dissipated in the splendid scene of fashion and luxury in which he was an actor. During the short years of thoughtless youth, he was adored by the high-bred triflers of the day, nor least by the youthful sovereign, who escaped from the intrigues of party, and the arduous duties of kingly business, to find never-failing amusement and exhilaration of spirit in his society. My father’s impulses, never under his own controul, perpetually led him into difficulties from which his ingenuity alone could extricate him; and the accumulating pile of debts of honour and of trade, which would have bent to earth any other, was supported by him with a light spirit and tameless hilarity; while his company was so necessary at the tables and assemblies of the rich, that his derelictions were considered venial, and he himself received with intoxicating flattery.

My fortunes have always shown how much change can affect the course of a person's life. For me, this almost came through inheritance. My father was one of those guys who was naturally given the enviable gifts of wit and imagination to a fault, but he was left to navigate his life without reason as a guide or judgment as a compass. He came from humble beginnings, but circumstances quickly brought him into the spotlight, and he soon spent his small family inheritance in the glamorous world of fashion and luxury where he was a participant. During his short, carefree youth, he was adored by the high-society socialites of the time, especially by the young king, who, escaping the turmoil of politics and the demanding responsibilities of royalty, sought endless fun and stimulation in his company. My father's impulses, always out of his control, often led him into trouble that only his creativity could get him out of; the growing mountain of debts—both honorable and commercial—that would have crushed anyone else were carried by him with a lighthearted spirit and untamed joy. His presence was so essential at the meals and gatherings of the wealthy that his missteps were overlooked, and he was welcomed with overwhelming flattery.

This kind of popularity, like every other, is evanescent: and the difficulties of every kind with which he had to contend, increased in a frightful ratio compared with his small means of extricating himself. At such times the king, in his enthusiasm for him, would come to his relief, and then kindly take his friend to task; my father gave the best promises for amendment, but his social disposition, his craving for the usual diet of admiration, and more than all, the fiend of gambling, which fully possessed him, made his good resolutions transient, his promises vain. With the quick sensibility peculiar to his temperament, he perceived his power in the brilliant circle to be on the wane. The king married; and the haughty princess of Austria, who became, as queen of England, the head of fashion, looked with harsh eyes on his defects, and with contempt on the affection her royal husband entertained for him. My father felt that his fall was near; but so far from profiting by this last calm before the storm to save himself, he sought to forget anticipated evil by making still greater sacrifices to the deity of pleasure, deceitful and cruel arbiter of his destiny.

This kind of popularity, like all others, is fleeting: and the difficulties he faced grew exponentially compared to his limited ability to get himself out of them. During these times, the king, filled with enthusiasm for him, would come to his aid and then gently reprimand him; my father made the best promises to improve, but his social nature, his need for constant admiration, and above all, the addiction to gambling that had completely taken hold of him, made his good intentions short-lived and his promises meaningless. With the heightened sensitivity typical of his character, he sensed that his influence in the glamorous circles was diminishing. The king got married; and the proud princess of Austria, who became queen of England and set the standard for fashion, looked unkindly at his flaws and held contempt for the affection her royal husband had for him. My father knew his downfall was near; yet instead of using this final calm before the storm to save himself, he tried to escape the looming danger by making even bigger sacrifices to the god of pleasure, a deceitful and cruel master of his fate.

The king, who was a man of excellent dispositions, but easily led, had now become a willing disciple of his imperious consort. He was induced to look with extreme disapprobation, and at last with distaste, on my father’s imprudence and follies. It is true that his presence dissipated these clouds; his warm-hearted frankness, brilliant sallies, and confiding demeanour were irresistible: it was only when at a distance, while still renewed tales of his errors were poured into his royal friend’s ear, that he lost his influence. The queen’s dextrous management was employed to prolong these absences, and gather together accusations. At length the king was brought to see in him a source of perpetual disquiet, knowing that he should pay for the short-lived pleasure of his society by tedious homilies, and more painful narrations of excesses, the truth of which he could not disprove. The result was, that he would make one more attempt to reclaim him, and in case of ill success, cast him off for ever.

The king, a good-natured man but easily swayed, had become a willing follower of his domineering wife. He came to view my father's mistakes and foolishness with growing disapproval, and eventually with distaste. It's true that my father's presence could clear the air; his warm-hearted honesty, sharp wit, and trusting nature were hard to resist. However, it was only when he was at a distance, and fresh stories of his missteps were being whispered into the king's ear, that he lost his influence. The queen skillfully managed these absences to gather accusations. Eventually, the king started to see my father as a constant source of anxiety, realizing that he would have to endure long lectures and painful stories of excesses he couldn’t deny for the fleeting pleasure of his company. As a result, he decided to make one last effort to bring him back, and if that failed, to cut ties for good.

Such a scene must have been one of deepest interest and high-wrought passion. A powerful king, conspicuous for a goodness which had heretofore made him meek, and now lofty in his admonitions, with alternate entreaty and reproof, besought his friend to attend to his real interests, resolutely to avoid those fascinations which in fact were fast deserting him, and to spend his great powers on a worthy field, in which he, his sovereign, would be his prop, his stay, and his pioneer. My father felt this kindness; for a moment ambitious dreams floated before him; and he thought that it would be well to exchange his present pursuits for nobler duties. With sincerity and fervour he gave the required promise: as a pledge of continued favour, he received from his royal master a sum of money to defray pressing debts, and enable him to enter under good auspices his new career. That very night, while yet full of gratitude and good resolves, this whole sum, and its amount doubled, was lost at the gaming-table. In his desire to repair his first losses, my father risked double stakes, and thus incurred a debt of honour he was wholly unable to pay. Ashamed to apply again to the king, he turned his back upon London, its false delights and clinging miseries; and, with poverty for his sole companion, buried himself in solitude among the hills and lakes of Cumberland. His wit, his bon mots, the record of his personal attractions, fascinating manners, and social talents, were long remembered and repeated from mouth to mouth. Ask where now was this favourite of fashion, this companion of the noble, this excelling beam, which gilt with alien splendour the assemblies of the courtly and the gay—you heard that he was under a cloud, a lost man; not one thought it belonged to him to repay pleasure by real services, or that his long reign of brilliant wit deserved a pension on retiring. The king lamented his absence; he loved to repeat his sayings, relate the adventures they had had together, and exalt his talents—but here ended his reminiscence.

Such a scene must have been incredibly compelling and filled with intense emotion. A strong king, known for his kindness that had previously made him humble, was now commanding in his advice, alternating between pleading and scolding. He urged his friend to focus on what truly mattered, to stear clear of temptations that were already slipping away, and to dedicate his talents to a worthy cause, where he, the king, would support him every step of the way. My father felt this generosity; for a moment, ambitious dreams filled his mind, and he considered that it might be better to leave his current pursuits for more noble responsibilities. With sincerity and enthusiasm, he made the promise needed. As a sign of his continued support, he received from the king a sum of money to pay off pressing debts and help him start his new path on a positive note. That very night, while still grateful and determined, he lost that entire amount, and even more, at the gambling table. In his eagerness to recover his initial losses, my father took reckless risks and ended up with a debt he couldn't pay. Ashamed to ask the king for help again, he turned away from London, with its deceptive pleasures and clingy miseries, and isolated himself in the hills and lakes of Cumberland, with only poverty as his companion. His sharp wit, memorable quotes, and accounts of his charm and social skills were long remembered and shared by many. When people asked about this former darling of high society, this brilliant companion of the elite, now seen as a fallen figure—they would say he was in a bad place, a lost man; no one thought he owed anything in return for the joy he once brought or that his long reign of wit deserved a pension upon retiring. The king missed him; he loved to repeat his clever sayings, recount their shared adventures, and praise his abilities—but that was where his memories ended.

Meanwhile my father, forgotten, could not forget. He repined for the loss of what was more necessary to him than air or food—the excitements of pleasure, the admiration of the noble, the luxurious and polished living of the great. A nervous fever was the consequence; during which he was nursed by the daughter of a poor cottager, under whose roof he lodged. She was lovely, gentle, and, above all, kind to him; nor can it afford astonishment, that the late idol of high-bred beauty should, even in a fallen state, appear a being of an elevated and wondrous nature to the lowly cottage-girl. The attachment between them led to the ill-fated marriage, of which I was the offspring. Notwithstanding the tenderness and sweetness of my mother, her husband still deplored his degraded state. Unaccustomed to industry, he knew not in what way to contribute to the support of his increasing family. Sometimes he thought of applying to the king; pride and shame for a while withheld him; and, before his necessities became so imperious as to compel him to some kind of exertion, he died. For one brief interval before this catastrophe, he looked forward to the future, and contemplated with anguish the desolate situation in which his wife and children would be left. His last effort was a letter to the king, full of touching eloquence, and of occasional flashes of that brilliant spirit which was an integral part of him. He bequeathed his widow and orphans to the friendship of his royal master, and felt satisfied that, by this means, their prosperity was better assured in his death than in his life. This letter was enclosed to the care of a nobleman, who, he did not doubt, would perform the last and inexpensive office of placing it in the king’s own hand.

Meanwhile, my father, forgotten by everyone, could not forget. He longed for the loss of what was more essential to him than air or food—the thrill of pleasure, the admiration of the noble, the luxurious and refined life of the wealthy. This led to a nervous fever, during which he was taken care of by the daughter of a poor farmer, under whose roof he stayed. She was beautiful, gentle, and, above all, kind to him. It’s no surprise that the once-adored man of high-class beauty, even in his fallen state, seemed like a remarkable being to the humble cottage girl. Their bond resulted in the ill-fated marriage from which I was born. Despite my mother’s tenderness and sweetness, my father still mourned his fallen status. Unused to hard work, he didn’t know how to support his growing family. Sometimes he considered asking the king for help, but pride and shame held him back. Before his needs became so dire that he had to act, he died. For a brief moment before this disaster, he looked ahead and felt anguish thinking about the desperate situation his wife and children would face. His last effort was a heartfelt letter to the king, filled with moving eloquence and flashes of the brilliance that was part of who he was. He entrusted his widow and children to the kindness of his royal master, feeling that this would ensure their well-being more effectively in his death than in his life. This letter was given to the care of a nobleman, who he believed would fulfill the simple task of delivering it to the king himself.

He died in debt, and his little property was seized immediately by his creditors. My mother, pennyless and burthened with two children, waited week after week, and month after month, in sickening expectation of a reply, which never came. She had no experience beyond her father’s cottage; and the mansion of the lord of the manor was the chiefest type of grandeur she could conceive. During my father’s life, she had been made familiar with the name of royalty and the courtly circle; but such things, ill according with her personal experience, appeared, after the loss of him who gave substance and reality to them, vague and fantastical. If, under any circumstances, she could have acquired sufficient courage to address the noble persons mentioned by her husband, the ill success of his own application caused her to banish the idea. She saw therefore no escape from dire penury: perpetual care, joined to sorrow for the loss of the wondrous being, whom she continued to contemplate with ardent admiration, hard labour, and naturally delicate health, at length released her from the sad continuity of want and misery.

He died in debt, and his small property was quickly taken over by his creditors. My mother, broke and burdened with two kids, waited week after week, and month after month, dreading a response that never came. She had no experience beyond her father’s cottage; the manor house of the lord was the highest form of wealth she could imagine. During my father’s life, she had heard of royalty and the courtly social scene; but after losing the man who made them feel real, those notions seemed distant and unreal. Even if she had found the courage to reach out to the noble people her husband had mentioned, the failure of his own request made her dismiss the idea. She saw no way out of extreme poverty: constant worry, combined with grief over the extraordinary man she still admired deeply, hard labor, and her naturally fragile health eventually freed her from the relentless struggle and misery.

The condition of her orphan children was peculiarly desolate. Her own father had been an emigrant from another part of the country, and had died long since: they had no one relation to take them by the hand; they were outcasts, paupers, unfriended beings, to whom the most scanty pittance was a matter of favour, and who were treated merely as children of peasants, yet poorer than the poorest, who, dying, had left them, a thankless bequest, to the close-handed charity of the land.

The situation of her orphaned children was incredibly bleak. Her father had come from another part of the country and had passed away long ago. They had no family to help them; they were outcasts, poor and alone, relying on the kindness of others for even the smallest sums of money. They were seen as just the children of peasants, even poorer than the poorest, left behind by parents who had given them no support, a thankless legacy to the stingy charity of the world.

I, the elder of the two, was five years old when my mother died. A remembrance of the discourses of my parents, and the communications which my mother endeavoured to impress upon me concerning my father’s friends, in slight hope that I might one day derive benefit from the knowledge, floated like an indistinct dream through my brain. I conceived that I was different and superior to my protectors and companions, but I knew not how or wherefore. The sense of injury, associated with the name of king and noble, clung to me; but I could draw no conclusions from such feelings, to serve as a guide to action. My first real knowledge of myself was as an unprotected orphan among the valleys and fells of Cumberland. I was in the service of a farmer; and with crook in hand, my dog at my side, I shepherded a numerous flock on the near uplands. I cannot say much in praise of such a life; and its pains far exceeded its pleasures. There was freedom in it, a companionship with nature, and a reckless loneliness; but these, romantic as they were, did not accord with the love of action and desire of human sympathy, characteristic of youth. Neither the care of my flock, nor the change of seasons, were sufficient to tame my eager spirit; my out-door life and unemployed time were the temptations that led me early into lawless habits. I associated with others friendless like myself; I formed them into a band, I was their chief and captain. All shepherd-boys alike, while our flocks were spread over the pastures, we schemed and executed many a mischievous prank, which drew on us the anger and revenge of the rustics. I was the leader and protector of my comrades, and as I became distinguished among them, their misdeeds were usually visited upon me. But while I endured punishment and pain in their defence with the spirit of an hero, I claimed as my reward their praise and obedience.

I, the older of the two, was five years old when my mother passed away. A vague memory of my parents' conversations and the messages my mother tried to instill in me about my father's friends lingered in my mind, with little hope that I would one day benefit from that knowledge. I felt that I was different and better than my guardians and peers, but I couldn't pinpoint why or how. The feeling of being wronged, connected to the titles of king and noble, stayed with me; however, I couldn't draw any conclusions from these emotions to guide my actions. My first genuine understanding of myself came as an unprotected orphan amidst the valleys and hills of Cumberland. I was working for a farmer, and with a crook in hand and my dog by my side, I herded a large flock on the nearby hills. I can’t say I enjoyed that life much; its hardships far outweighed its joys. There was freedom in it, a connection with nature, and a wild loneliness; but these, as romantic as they were, didn't satisfy my youthful need for action and human connection. Neither tending to my flock nor the changing seasons could quell my restless spirit; my outdoor life and free time tempted me into unruly behaviors early on. I hung out with others who were just as friendless as I was; I organized us into a group, becoming their leader and captain. Just like all the other shepherd boys, while our flocks roamed the fields, we plotted and carried out many mischievous pranks that earned us the ire and retaliation of the local farmers. I was the leader and protector of my friends, and as I stood out among them, their wrongdoings typically fell back on me. Despite enduring punishment and suffering on their behalf, I took pride in their praise and obedience as my reward.

In such a school my disposition became rugged, but firm. The appetite for admiration and small capacity for self-controul which I inherited from my father, nursed by adversity, made me daring and reckless. I was rough as the elements, and unlearned as the animals I tended. I often compared myself to them, and finding that my chief superiority consisted in power, I soon persuaded myself that it was in power only that I was inferior to the chiefest potentates of the earth. Thus untaught in refined philosophy, and pursued by a restless feeling of degradation from my true station in society, I wandered among the hills of civilized England as uncouth a savage as the wolf-bred founder of old Rome. I owned but one law, it was that of the strongest, and my greatest deed of virtue was never to submit.

In that school, I became tough but resolute. The desire for validation and my lack of self-control, traits I got from my father, shaped by hardship, made me bold and reckless. I was as rough as nature itself and as uneducated as the animals I cared for. I often compared myself to them, and realizing that my main advantage was my strength, I convinced myself that strength was the only thing I lacked compared to the most powerful rulers on Earth. So, lacking a refined education and feeling continually degraded from my rightful place in society, I roamed the hills of civilized England as uncivilized as the wolf-raised founder of ancient Rome. I followed only one rule: the law of the strongest, and my greatest act of virtue was never to submit.

Yet let me a little retract from this sentence I have passed on myself. My mother, when dying, had, in addition to her other half-forgotten and misapplied lessons, committed, with solemn exhortation, her other child to my fraternal guardianship; and this one duty I performed to the best of my ability, with all the zeal and affection of which my nature was capable. My sister was three years younger than myself; I had nursed her as an infant, and when the difference of our sexes, by giving us various occupations, in a great measure divided us, yet she continued to be the object of my careful love. Orphans, in the fullest sense of the term, we were poorest among the poor, and despised among the unhonoured. If my daring and courage obtained for me a kind of respectful aversion, her youth and sex, since they did not excite tenderness, by proving her to be weak, were the causes of numberless mortifications to her; and her own disposition was not so constituted as to diminish the evil effects of her lowly station.

Yet I need to take a step back from what I just said about myself. My mother, as she was dying, along with her other half-forgotten and misapplied lessons, with a serious plea, entrusted her other child to my care as a brother; and this one responsibility I fulfilled to the best of my ability, with all the passion and love that I could muster. My sister was three years younger than me; I had cared for her when she was a baby, and even though our different genders led us to have distinct roles that often separated us, she remained the focus of my devoted affection. As orphans, in every sense of the word, we were the poorest of the poor and looked down upon by those who had little honor themselves. While my boldness and bravery earned me a sort of respect mixed with fear, her youth and femininity, which didn’t inspire compassion, highlighted her weakness, leading to countless humiliations for her; and her own nature did not help lessen the negative impacts of her lowly status.

She was a singular being, and, like me, inherited much of the peculiar disposition of our father. Her countenance was all expression; her eyes were not dark, but impenetrably deep; you seemed to discover space after space in their intellectual glance, and to feel that the soul which was their soul, comprehended an universe of thought in its ken. She was pale and fair, and her golden hair clustered on her temples, contrasting its rich hue with the living marble beneath. Her coarse peasant-dress, little consonant apparently with the refinement of feeling which her face expressed, yet in a strange manner accorded with it. She was like one of Guido’s saints, with heaven in her heart and in her look, so that when you saw her you only thought of that within, and costume and even feature were secondary to the mind that beamed in her countenance.

She was a unique person, and like me, inherited much of our father's unusual disposition. Her face was full of expression; her eyes weren't dark, but incredibly deep—you felt like you could uncover endless spaces in their intelligent gaze, and that the soul behind those eyes understood a vast universe of thought. She was pale and fair, with golden hair that framed her face, contrasting beautifully with her living marble skin. Her rough peasant dress seemed at odds with the refinement of feeling her face showed, yet somehow it all worked together. She resembled one of Guido’s saints, with heaven in her heart and in her expression, so that when you looked at her, you only thought of what was inside, making her outfit and even her features feel secondary to the mind that shone through her face.

Yet though lovely and full of noble feeling, my poor Perdita (for this was the fanciful name my sister had received from her dying parent), was not altogether saintly in her disposition. Her manners were cold and repulsive. If she had been nurtured by those who had regarded her with affection, she might have been different; but unloved and neglected, she repaid want of kindness with distrust and silence. She was submissive to those who held authority over her, but a perpetual cloud dwelt on her brow; she looked as if she expected enmity from every one who approached her, and her actions were instigated by the same feeling. All the time she could command she spent in solitude. She would ramble to the most unfrequented places, and scale dangerous heights, that in those unvisited spots she might wrap herself in loneliness. Often she passed whole hours walking up and down the paths of the woods; she wove garlands of flowers and ivy, or watched the flickering of the shadows and glancing of the leaves; sometimes she sat beside a stream, and as her thoughts paused, threw flowers or pebbles into the waters, watching how those swam and these sank; or she would set afloat boats formed of bark of trees or leaves, with a feather for a sail, and intensely watch the navigation of her craft among the rapids and shallows of the brook. Meanwhile her active fancy wove a thousand combinations; she dreamt “of moving accidents by flood and field”—she lost herself delightedly in these self-created wanderings, and returned with unwilling spirit to the dull detail of common life. Poverty was the cloud that veiled her excellencies, and all that was good in her seemed about to perish from want of the genial dew of affection. She had not even the same advantage as I in the recollection of her parents; she clung to me, her brother, as her only friend, but her alliance with me completed the distaste that her protectors felt for her; and every error was magnified by them into crimes. If she had been bred in that sphere of life to which by inheritance the delicate framework of her mind and person was adapted, she would have been the object almost of adoration, for her virtues were as eminent as her defects. All the genius that ennobled the blood of her father illustrated hers; a generous tide flowed in her veins; artifice, envy, or meanness, were at the antipodes of her nature; her countenance, when enlightened by amiable feeling, might have belonged to a queen of nations; her eyes were bright; her look fearless.

Yet, despite being lovely and full of noble feelings, my poor Perdita (the imaginative name my sister received from her dying parent) wasn’t exactly saintly in her nature. Her manners were cold and uninviting. If she had been raised by people who loved her, she might have been different; but unloved and neglected, she responded to the lack of kindness with distrust and silence. She submitted to those in authority over her, but a constant cloud hung over her expression; she looked as if she expected hostility from everyone who came near, and her actions were driven by the same feeling. All the time she could claim for herself was spent in solitude. She would wander to the most isolated places and climb dangerous heights, just so she could wrap herself in loneliness. Often, she spent hours walking up and down the paths in the woods; she wove garlands of flowers and ivy or watched the flickering shadows and dancing leaves; sometimes she sat by a stream, and as her thoughts paused, she tossed flowers or pebbles into the water, observing how some floated while others sank; or she'd send little boats made from tree bark or leaves, with a feather for a sail, and intently watch her crafts navigate the rapids and shallows of the brook. Meanwhile, her active imagination spun a thousand scenarios; she dreamed of “moving accidents by flood and field”—lost delightfully in these self-created adventures, she returned reluctantly to the dull routine of everyday life. Poverty was the shadow that obscured her talents, and everything good about her seemed on the verge of disappearing from lack of the nurturing touch of love. She didn’t even have the same advantage I did in remembering our parents; she clung to me, her brother, as her only friend, but my connection to her deepened the dislike her guardians felt towards her, and every mistake she made was blown up into a serious offense. If she had been raised in a social sphere that matched her delicate nature, she would have been adored, because her virtues were as notable as her flaws. All the talent that flowed through her father’s blood also ran in hers; a generous spirit filled her veins; deceit, jealousy, or pettiness were completely foreign to her nature; her face, when lit up by kind feelings, could have belonged to a queen; her eyes shone brightly; her gaze was fearless.

Although by our situation and dispositions we were almost equally cut off from the usual forms of social intercourse, we formed a strong contrast to each other. I always required the stimulants of companionship and applause. Perdita was all-sufficient to herself. Notwithstanding my lawless habits, my disposition was sociable, hers recluse. My life was spent among tangible realities, hers was a dream. I might be said even to love my enemies, since by exciting me they in a sort bestowed happiness upon me; Perdita almost disliked her friends, for they interfered with her visionary moods. All my feelings, even of exultation and triumph, were changed to bitterness, if unparticipated; Perdita, even in joy, fled to loneliness, and could go on from day to day, neither expressing her emotions, nor seeking a fellow-feeling in another mind. Nay, she could love and dwell with tenderness on the look and voice of her friend, while her demeanour expressed the coldest reserve. A sensation with her became a sentiment, and she never spoke until she had mingled her perceptions of outward objects with others which were the native growth of her own mind. She was like a fruitful soil that imbibed the airs and dews of heaven, and gave them forth again to light in loveliest forms of fruits and flowers; but then she was often dark and rugged as that soil, raked up, and new sown with unseen seed.

Even though our circumstances and personalities kept us both pretty isolated from typical social interactions, we contrasted sharply with each other. I always needed the buzz of companionship and validation. Perdita was completely self-sufficient. Despite my reckless ways, I was sociable, while she preferred solitude. My life revolved around tangible experiences, while hers was more of a dream. It could be said that I even loved my enemies because their provocation brought me a kind of happiness; Perdita, on the other hand, almost resented her friends for interrupting her daydreams. All my feelings, even joy and success, turned to bitterness if I didn’t share them; Perdita, even in happiness, sought out solitude and could go through days without expressing her feelings or looking for mutual understanding with anyone else. In fact, she could deeply appreciate her friend’s look and voice while remaining outwardly distant. For her, a feeling became a thought, and she wouldn’t speak until she had blended her observations of the outside world with her own inner thoughts. She was like rich soil that absorbed the air and moisture from the heavens, then returned them as beautiful fruits and flowers; yet, she could also be dark and rough like that soil when turned over and freshly planted with unseen seeds.

She dwelt in a cottage whose trim grass-plat sloped down to the waters of the lake of Ulswater; a beech wood stretched up the hill behind, and a purling brook gently falling from the acclivity ran through poplar-shaded banks into the lake. I lived with a farmer whose house was built higher up among the hills: a dark crag rose behind it, and, exposed to the north, the snow lay in its crevices the summer through. Before dawn I led my flock to the sheep-walks, and guarded them through the day. It was a life of toil; for rain and cold were more frequent than sunshine; but it was my pride to contemn the elements. My trusty dog watched the sheep as I slipped away to the rendezvous of my comrades, and thence to the accomplishment of our schemes. At noon we met again, and we threw away in contempt our peasant fare, as we built our fire-place and kindled the cheering blaze destined to cook the game stolen from the neighbouring preserves. Then came the tale of hair-breadth escapes, combats with dogs, ambush and flight, as gipsey-like we encompassed our pot. The search after a stray lamb, or the devices by which we elude or endeavoured to elude punishment, filled up the hours of afternoon; in the evening my flock went to its fold, and I to my sister.

She lived in a cottage with a neat lawn that sloped down to the waters of Lake Ulswater; a beech forest stretched up the hill behind her, and a gently flowing brook ran through poplar-shaded banks into the lake. I stayed with a farmer whose house was built higher up among the hills: a dark crag rose behind it, and, facing north, the snow lingered in its crevices all summer long. Before dawn, I led my sheep to the pastures and watched over them throughout the day. It was a hard life; rain and cold were more common than sunshine; but I took pride in defying the elements. My loyal dog kept an eye on the sheep while I slipped away to meet up with my friends, and from there we set off to carry out our plans. At noon we regrouped and tossed aside our simple meals as we built our fire and lit a warm blaze to cook the game we’d stolen from nearby preserves. Then came stories of narrow escapes, fights with dogs, ambushes, and retreats as we gathered around our pot. The search for a lost lamb or the tricks we used to escape punishment filled the afternoon hours; by evening, my flock returned to their pen, and I headed to my sister.

It was seldom indeed that we escaped, to use an old-fashioned phrase, scot free. Our dainty fare was often exchanged for blows and imprisonment. Once, when thirteen years of age, I was sent for a month to the county jail. I came out, my morals unimproved, my hatred to my oppressors encreased tenfold. Bread and water did not tame my blood, nor solitary confinement inspire me with gentle thoughts. I was angry, impatient, miserable; my only happy hours were those during which I devised schemes of revenge; these were perfected in my forced solitude, so that during the whole of the following season, and I was freed early in September, I never failed to provide excellent and plenteous fare for myself and my comrades. This was a glorious winter. The sharp frost and heavy snows tamed the animals, and kept the country gentlemen by their firesides; we got more game than we could eat, and my faithful dog grew sleek upon our refuse.

It was rare that we escaped, to put it plainly, without consequences. Our nice food was often replaced by hits and imprisonment. Once, when I was thirteen, I spent a month in county jail. I came out with my morals unchanged and my hatred for my oppressors increased tenfold. Bread and water didn’t calm my anger, nor did solitary confinement inspire me with kind thoughts. I was furious, impatient, and miserable; my only happy moments were when I plotted revenge. I developed those plans during my forced isolation, so throughout the following season, and I was freed early in September, I always managed to provide plenty of good food for myself and my friends. It was a fantastic winter. The biting cold and heavy snow kept the animals in check and kept the country gentlemen by their firesides; we collected more game than we could eat, and my loyal dog got fat on our leftovers.

Thus years passed on; and years only added fresh love of freedom, and contempt for all that was not as wild and rude as myself. At the age of sixteen I had shot up in appearance to man’s estate; I was tall and athletic; I was practised to feats of strength, and inured to the inclemency of the elements. My skin was embrowned by the sun; my step was firm with conscious power. I feared no man, and loved none. In after life I looked back with wonder to what I then was; how utterly worthless I should have become if I had pursued my lawless career. My life was like that of an animal, and my mind was in danger of degenerating into that which informs brute nature. Until now, my savage habits had done me no radical mischief; my physical powers had grown up and flourished under their influence, and my mind, undergoing the same discipline, was imbued with all the hardy virtues. But now my boasted independence was daily instigating me to acts of tyranny, and freedom was becoming licentiousness. I stood on the brink of manhood; passions, strong as the trees of a forest, had already taken root within me, and were about to shadow with their noxious overgrowth, my path of life.

Years went by, and all that time only deepened my love for freedom and my disdain for anything that wasn’t as wild and rough as I was. By the time I turned sixteen, I had physically grown into a man. I was tall and athletic, skilled in feats of strength, and used to enduring harsh weather. My skin was bronzed from the sun, and my stride was confident with strength. I feared no one and cared for no one. Later in life, I looked back in amazement at who I was then; I realized how utterly worthless I would have become if I had continued my reckless lifestyle. My life was like that of an animal, and my mind risked sinking into a state similar to that of a brute. Until now, my wild habits hadn’t caused me any serious harm; my physical abilities thrived under their influence, and my mind, shaped by the same experiences, was filled with all the tough virtues. But now, my claimed independence was nudging me toward acts of tyranny, and my freedom was turning into chaos. I was on the edge of adulthood; strong passions, as mighty as forest trees, had already taken root in me and were about to cast a shadow over my life.

I panted for enterprises beyond my childish exploits, and formed distempered dreams of future action. I avoided my ancient comrades, and I soon lost them. They arrived at the age when they were sent to fulfil their destined situations in life; while I, an outcast, with none to lead or drive me forward, paused. The old began to point at me as an example, the young to wonder at me as a being distinct from themselves; I hated them, and began, last and worst degradation, to hate myself. I clung to my ferocious habits, yet half despised them; I continued my war against civilization, and yet entertained a wish to belong to it.

I gasped for something more than my childish adventures and started to have wild dreams of what I could do in the future. I stayed away from my old friends, and before long, I lost them. They reached the age where they were sent off to fulfill their roles in life, while I, an outcast with no one to guide or push me forward, hesitated. The older folks began to point me out as an example, while the younger ones looked at me with curiosity as someone different from them; I hated them, and worst of all, I started to hate myself. I clung to my aggressive ways, even though I half despised them; I kept fighting against civilization while secretly wishing to be a part of it.

I revolved again and again all that I remembered my mother to have told me of my father’s former life; I contemplated the few relics I possessed belonging to him, which spoke of greater refinement than could be found among the mountain cottages; but nothing in all this served as a guide to lead me to another and pleasanter way of life. My father had been connected with nobles, but all I knew of such connection was subsequent neglect. The name of the king,—he to whom my dying father had addressed his latest prayers, and who had barbarously slighted them, was associated only with the ideas of unkindness, injustice, and consequent resentment. I was born for something greater than I was—and greater I would become; but greatness, at least to my distorted perceptions, was no necessary associate of goodness, and my wild thoughts were unchecked by moral considerations when they rioted in dreams of distinction. Thus I stood upon a pinnacle, a sea of evil rolled at my feet; I was about to precipitate myself into it, and rush like a torrent over all obstructions to the object of my wishes— when a stranger influence came over the current of my fortunes, and changed their boisterous course to what was in comparison like the gentle meanderings of a meadow-encircling streamlet.

I went over everything I remembered my mother telling me about my father's past life; I looked at the few mementos I had from him, which hinted at a level of refinement not found in the mountain cottages. But none of this guided me toward a better and happier life. My father had ties to nobility, but all I knew of that connection was its resulting neglect. The king’s name—the one my dying father had turned to in his last prayers, only to be cruelly ignored—was linked solely to unkindness, injustice, and bitter resentment. I was meant for something greater than my current life—and I would become greater; but to me, greatness didn't necessarily go hand in hand with goodness, and my wild thoughts ran free without being held back by any moral concerns as they swirled in dreams of recognition. So, here I was on a high point, with a sea of evil at my feet; I was ready to leap into it, rushing like a torrent over any obstacles in pursuit of my desires—when a mysterious force changed the course of my life, turning its turbulent path into something like the gentle flow of a stream winding through a meadow.

CHAPTER II.

I lived far from the busy haunts of men, and the rumour of wars or political changes came worn to a mere sound, to our mountain abodes. England had been the scene of momentous struggles, during my early boyhood. In the year 2073, the last of its kings, the ancient friend of my father, had abdicated in compliance with the gentle force of the remonstrances of his subjects, and a republic was instituted. Large estates were secured to the dethroned monarch and his family; he received the title of Earl of Windsor, and Windsor Castle, an ancient royalty, with its wide demesnes were a part of his allotted wealth. He died soon after, leaving two children, a son and a daughter.

I lived far from the bustling places people frequent, and the news of wars or political changes reached us only as a faint echo in our mountain home. England had experienced significant struggles during my early childhood. In 2073, the last king, an old friend of my father, stepped down in response to the gentle pressure from his subjects, and a republic was established. The former king and his family were granted large estates; he was given the title of Earl of Windsor, and Windsor Castle, an ancient royal residence, along with its expansive lands, was part of his inheritance. He passed away shortly after, leaving behind two children, a son and a daughter.

The ex-queen, a princess of the house of Austria, had long impelled her husband to withstand the necessity of the times. She was haughty and fearless; she cherished a love of power, and a bitter contempt for him who had despoiled himself of a kingdom. For her children’s sake alone she consented to remain, shorn of regality, a member of the English republic. When she became a widow, she turned all her thoughts to the educating her son Adrian, second Earl of Windsor, so as to accomplish her ambitious ends; and with his mother’s milk he imbibed, and was intended to grow up in the steady purpose of re-acquiring his lost crown. Adrian was now fifteen years of age. He was addicted to study, and imbued beyond his years with learning and talent: report said that he had already begun to thwart his mother’s views, and to entertain republican principles. However this might be, the haughty Countess entrusted none with the secrets of her family-tuition. Adrian was bred up in solitude, and kept apart from the natural companions of his age and rank. Some unknown circumstance now induced his mother to send him from under her immediate tutelage; and we heard that he was about to visit Cumberland. A thousand tales were rife, explanatory of the Countess of Windsor’s conduct; none true probably; but each day it became more certain that we should have the noble scion of the late regal house of England among us.

The ex-queen, a princess from the Austrian royal family, had long urged her husband to withstand the demands of the times. She was proud and fearless; she loved power and held a deep contempt for the man who had given up his kingdom. For the sake of her children alone, she agreed to stay, stripped of her royal title, as a member of the English republic. After becoming a widow, she focused all her efforts on educating her son Adrian, the second Earl of Windsor, to achieve her ambitious goals; he absorbed from her the intention to grow up with the steady aim of regaining his lost crown. Adrian was now fifteen years old. He was dedicated to his studies and had acquired knowledge and talent beyond his years: reports suggested that he had already started to oppose his mother’s plans and embrace republican views. Regardless, the proud Countess kept the details of her family’s education secret. Adrian was raised in isolation, separated from the usual companions of his age and status. For some unknown reason, his mother decided to send him away from her immediate guidance; we heard he was about to visit Cumberland. Numerous stories circulated about the Countess of Windsor’s behavior; none were likely true, but each day it became clearer that we would soon have the noble descendant of the former royal house of England among us.

There was a large estate with a mansion attached to it, belonging to this family, at Ulswater. A large park was one of its appendages, laid out with great taste, and plentifully stocked with game. I had often made depredations on these preserves; and the neglected state of the property facilitated my incursions. When it was decided that the young Earl of Windsor should visit Cumberland, workmen arrived to put the house and grounds in order for his reception. The apartments were restored to their pristine splendour, and the park, all disrepairs restored, was guarded with unusual care.

There was a big estate, complete with a mansion, belonging to this family in Ulswater. A spacious park was one of its features, designed beautifully and full of game. I had often taken advantage of these grounds, and the neglected state of the property made it easy for me to sneak in. When it was decided that the young Earl of Windsor was going to visit Cumberland, workers showed up to get the house and grounds ready for him. The rooms were brought back to their original glory, and the park, now fixed up, was watched over with extra care.

I was beyond measure disturbed by this intelligence. It roused all my dormant recollections, my suspended sentiments of injury, and gave rise to the new one of revenge. I could no longer attend to my occupations; all my plans and devices were forgotten; I seemed about to begin life anew, and that under no good auspices. The tug of war, I thought, was now to begin. He would come triumphantly to the district to which my parent had fled broken-hearted; he would find the ill-fated offspring, bequeathed with such vain confidence to his royal father, miserable paupers. That he should know of our existence, and treat us, near at hand, with the same contumely which his father had practised in distance and absence, appeared to me the certain consequence of all that had gone before. Thus then I should meet this titled stripling—the son of my father’s friend. He would be hedged in by servants; nobles, and the sons of nobles, were his companions; all England rang with his name; and his coming, like a thunderstorm, was heard from far: while I, unlettered and unfashioned, should, if I came in contact with him, in the judgment of his courtly followers, bear evidence in my very person to the propriety of that ingratitude which had made me the degraded being I appeared.

I was incredibly upset by this news. It stirred up all my forgotten memories and my feelings of being wronged, sparking a new desire for revenge. I could no longer focus on my work; all my plans and ideas slipped away; it felt like I was about to start life over, but under terrible circumstances. I thought the real struggle was about to begin. He would come victoriously to the area where my parent had fled in despair; he would find the unfortunate child, left with such misguided trust in his royal father, in poverty. The fact that he should know we existed and treat us, up close, with the same disdain his father had shown from a distance seemed inevitable based on everything that had happened before. So, I would meet this entitled young man—the son of my father’s friend. He would be surrounded by servants; nobles and the sons of nobles would be his companions; all of England would buzz with his name; and his arrival would be like a thunderstorm, announced from afar. Meanwhile, I, uneducated and out of place, would, if I crossed paths with him, serve as a living example to his stylish followers of the ingratitude that had turned me into the miserable person I had become.

With my mind fully occupied by these ideas, I might be said as if fascinated, to haunt the destined abode of the young Earl. I watched the progress of the improvements, and stood by the unlading waggons, as various articles of luxury, brought from London, were taken forth and conveyed into the mansion. It was part of the Ex-Queen’s plan, to surround her son with princely magnificence. I beheld rich carpets and silken hangings, ornaments of gold, richly embossed metals, emblazoned furniture, and all the appendages of high rank arranged, so that nothing but what was regal in splendour should reach the eye of one of royal descent. I looked on these; I turned my gaze to my own mean dress.—Whence sprung this difference? Whence but from ingratitude, from falsehood, from a dereliction on the part of the prince’s father, of all noble sympathy and generous feeling. Doubtless, he also, whose blood received a mingling tide from his proud mother—he, the acknowledged focus of the kingdom’s wealth and nobility, had been taught to repeat my father’s name with disdain, and to scoff at my just claims to protection. I strove to think that all this grandeur was but more glaring infamy, and that, by planting his gold-enwoven flag beside my tarnished and tattered banner, he proclaimed not his superiority, but his debasement. Yet I envied him. His stud of beautiful horses, his arms of costly workmanship, the praise that attended him, the adoration, ready servitor, high place and high esteem,—I considered them as forcibly wrenched from me, and envied them all with novel and tormenting bitterness.

With my mind completely occupied by these thoughts, I almost felt as if I were drawn to the young Earl’s future home. I watched the renovations taking shape and stood by the unloading wagons as various luxury items, brought from London, were taken out and carried into the mansion. It was part of the Ex-Queen’s vision to surround her son with royal grandeur. I saw rich carpets and silk drapes, gold ornaments, intricately decorated metals, elaborate furniture, and all the trappings of high status arranged to ensure that nothing but the most magnificent would be visible to someone of royal blood. I looked at these things; then I turned my gaze to my own shabby clothes. Where did this difference come from? Only from ingratitude, from deceit, from a complete lack of noble sympathy and generosity on the part of the prince’s father. Surely he, whose blood was mixed with that of his proud mother—he, the recognized center of the kingdom’s wealth and nobility—had been taught to speak my father’s name with contempt, and to mock my rightful claims to protection. I tried to convince myself that all this grandeur was just blatant disgrace, and that by raising his golden flag next to my worn and torn banner, he was not showing his superiority, but rather his degradation. Yet I envied him. His collection of beautiful horses, his finely crafted weapons, the praise he received, the worship, the eager servants, the high social standing and respect—I viewed them all as stolen from me, and I envied them with a fresh and tormenting bitterness.

To crown my vexation of spirit, Perdita, the visionary Perdita, seemed to awake to real life with transport, when she told me that the Earl of Windsor was about to arrive.

To top off my frustration, Perdita, the imaginative Perdita, seemed to come alive with excitement when she told me that the Earl of Windsor was about to arrive.

“And this pleases you?” I observed, moodily.

“And this makes you happy?” I noted, feeling down.

“Indeed it does, Lionel,” she replied; “I quite long to see him; he is the descendant of our kings, the first noble of the land: every one admires and loves him, and they say that his rank is his least merit; he is generous, brave, and affable.”

“Absolutely, Lionel,” she answered; “I really can’t wait to see him; he is a descendant of our kings, the highest noble in the land: everyone admires and loves him, and they say his rank is his least impressive quality; he is generous, brave, and friendly.”

“You have learnt a pretty lesson, Perdita,” said I, “and repeat it so literally, that you forget the while the proofs we have of the Earl’s virtues; his generosity to us is manifest in our plenty, his bravery in the protection he affords us, his affability in the notice he takes of us. His rank his least merit, do you say? Why, all his virtues are derived from his station only; because he is rich, he is called generous; because he is powerful, brave; because he is well served, he is affable. Let them call him so, let all England believe him to be thus—we know him—he is our enemy—our penurious, dastardly, arrogant enemy; if he were gifted with one particle of the virtues you call his, he would do justly by us, if it were only to shew, that if he must strike, it should not be a fallen foe. His father injured my father—his father, unassailable on his throne, dared despise him who only stooped beneath himself, when he deigned to associate with the royal ingrate. We, descendants from the one and the other, must be enemies also. He shall find that I can feel my injuries; he shall learn to dread my revenge!”

“You’ve learned a valuable lesson, Perdita,” I said, “and you repeat it so exactly that you overlook the evidence we have of the Earl’s character; his generosity towards us is clear in our abundance, his bravery in the protection he provides, his friendliness in the way he acknowledges us. You say his rank is his least merit? Well, all his virtues come from his position; because he’s wealthy, he’s called generous; because he’s powerful, he’s brave; because he has good servants, he’s friendly. Let them label him that way, let all of England believe it—we know him—he’s our enemy—our stingy, cowardly, arrogant enemy; if he had even a fraction of the virtues you attribute to him, he would treat us fairly, if only to show that if he must attack, it shouldn’t be against someone who’s fallen. His father wronged my father—his father, untouchable on his throne, dared to scorn him who only humbled himself when he chose to associate with the ungrateful royal. We, descendants of both, must also be enemies. He will realize that I can feel my grievances; he will learn to fear my revenge!”

A few days after he arrived. Every inhabitant of the most miserable cottage, went to swell the stream of population that poured forth to meet him: even Perdita, in spite of my late philippic, crept near the highway, to behold this idol of all hearts. I, driven half mad, as I met party after party of the country people, in their holiday best, descending the hills, escaped to their cloud-veiled summits, and looking on the sterile rocks about me, exclaimed—“They do not cry, long live the Earl!” Nor, when night came, accompanied by drizzling rain and cold, would I return home; for I knew that each cottage rang with the praises of Adrian; as I felt my limbs grow numb and chill, my pain served as food for my insane aversion; nay, I almost triumphed in it, since it seemed to afford me reason and excuse for my hatred of my unheeding adversary. All was attributed to him, for I confounded so entirely the idea of father and son, that I forgot that the latter might be wholly unconscious of his parent’s neglect of us; and as I struck my aching head with my hand, I cried: “He shall hear of this! I will be revenged! I will not suffer like a spaniel! He shall know, beggar and friendless as I am, that I will not tamely submit to injury!” Each day, each hour added to these exaggerated wrongs. His praises were so many adder’s stings infixed in my vulnerable breast. If I saw him at a distance, riding a beautiful horse, my blood boiled with rage; the air seemed poisoned by his presence, and my very native English was changed to a vile jargon, since every phrase I heard was coupled with his name and honour. I panted to relieve this painful heart-burning by some misdeed that should rouse him to a sense of my antipathy. It was the height of his offending, that he should occasion in me such intolerable sensations, and not deign himself to afford any demonstration that he was aware that I even lived to feel them.

A few days after he arrived, every person from the most miserable cottage went to join the crowd headed to meet him. Even Perdita, despite my recent rant, crept near the highway to see this idol of everyone’s admiration. I, driven nearly mad as I passed group after group of locals dressed in their holiday best descending the hills, escaped to their cloud-covered peaks and, looking at the barren rocks around me, exclaimed—“They don’t shout, long live the Earl!” Nor, when night came, accompanied by drizzling rain and cold, would I go home; I knew that each cottage echoed with praises of Adrian. As I felt my limbs grow numb and cold, my pain fueled my insane hatred; I almost reveled in it, as it seemed to give me reason and justification for my resentment towards my indifferent rival. Everything was blamed on him; I completely merged the idea of father and son, forgetting that the latter might be completely unaware of his parent’s neglect of us. As I struck my aching head with my hand, I shouted, “He will hear about this! I will take my revenge! I will not suffer like a dog! He will know, beggar and friendless as I am, that I will not passively endure this!” Each day, each hour only added to these inflated grievances. His praises were like countless stings poking at my vulnerable heart. If I saw him in the distance, riding a beautiful horse, my blood boiled with anger; the air seemed toxic because of his presence, and even my native English changed into a disgusting mix of words, as every phrase I heard was linked to his name and honor. I yearned to relieve this painful frustration through some act that would force him to recognize my animosity. The height of his offense was that he could cause me such unbearable feelings and not even acknowledge that I existed to feel them.

It soon became known that Adrian took great delight in his park and preserves. He never sported, but spent hours in watching the tribes of lovely and almost tame animals with which it was stocked, and ordered that greater care should be taken of them than ever. Here was an opening for my plans of offence, and I made use of it with all the brute impetuosity I derived from my active mode of life. I proposed the enterprize of poaching on his demesne to my few remaining comrades, who were the most determined and lawless of the crew; but they all shrunk from the peril; so I was left to achieve my revenge myself. At first my exploits were unperceived; I increased in daring; footsteps on the dewy grass, torn boughs, and marks of slaughter, at length betrayed me to the game-keepers. They kept better watch; I was taken, and sent to prison. I entered its gloomy walls in a fit of triumphant extasy: “He feels me now,” I cried, “and shall, again and again!”—I passed but one day in confinement; in the evening I was liberated, as I was told, by the order of the Earl himself. This news precipitated me from my self-raised pinnacle of honour. He despises me, I thought; but he shall learn that I despise him, and hold in equal contempt his punishments and his clemency. On the second night after my release, I was again taken by the gamekeepers—again imprisoned, and again released; and again, such was my pertinacity, did the fourth night find me in the forbidden park. The gamekeepers were more enraged than their lord by my obstinacy. They had received orders that if I were again taken, I should be brought to the Earl; and his lenity made them expect a conclusion which they considered ill befitting my crime. One of them, who had been from the first the leader among those who had seized me, resolved to satisfy his own resentment, before he made me over to the higher powers.

It quickly became clear that Adrian took great pleasure in his park and the animals living in it. He never hunted, but spent hours observing the groups of beautiful and almost tame animals that populated it, insisting they be cared for more than ever. This presented an opportunity for my plans for revenge, and I pursued it with all the reckless energy I had from my active lifestyle. I suggested the idea of poaching on his land to my few remaining friends, who were the most determined and wildest of the bunch, but they all backed away from the danger; so I was left to seek my revenge alone. At first, my actions went unnoticed; I grew bolder, and footprints on the dewy grass, broken branches, and signs of slaughter eventually revealed my activities to the gamekeepers. They kept a closer watch, I got caught, and was sent to prison. I stepped into its dark walls filled with triumphant ecstasy: “He feels me now,” I shouted, “and he will again and again!”—I spent just one day in confinement; that evening, I was released, allegedly at the order of the Earl himself. This news knocked me off my self-created pedestal of honor. He looks down on me, I thought; but he will see that I look down on him too, and I hold both his punishments and his mercy in equal contempt. On the second night after my release, I was caught again by the gamekeepers—imprisoned once more, and released again; and once again, driven by my stubbornness, I found myself in the forbidden park on the fourth night. The gamekeepers were angrier than their lord at my persistence. They had been instructed that if I was caught again, I would be brought before the Earl; and they expected a punishment from him that they thought was too lenient for my crime. One of them, who had been the first to grab me, decided to take out his own anger before handing me over to the higher authorities.

The late setting of the moon, and the extreme caution I was obliged to use in this my third expedition, consumed so much time, that something like a qualm of fear came over me when I perceived dark night yield to twilight. I crept along by the fern, on my hands and knees, seeking the shadowy coverts of the underwood, while the birds awoke with unwelcome song above, and the fresh morning wind, playing among the boughs, made me suspect a footfall at each turn. My heart beat quick as I approached the palings; my hand was on one of them, a leap would take me to the other side, when two keepers sprang from an ambush upon me: one knocked me down, and proceeded to inflict a severe horse-whipping. I started up—a knife was in my grasp; I made a plunge at his raised right arm, and inflicted a deep, wide wound in his hand. The rage and yells of the wounded man, the howling execrations of his comrade, which I answered with equal bitterness and fury, echoed through the dell; morning broke more and more, ill accordant in its celestial beauty with our brute and noisy contest. I and my enemy were still struggling, when the wounded man exclaimed, “The Earl!” I sprang out of the herculean hold of the keeper, panting from my exertions; I cast furious glances on my persecutors, and placing myself with my back to a tree, resolved to defend myself to the last. My garments were torn, and they, as well as my hands, were stained with the blood of the man I had wounded; one hand grasped the dead birds—my hard-earned prey, the other held the knife; my hair was matted; my face besmeared with the same guilty signs that bore witness against me on the dripping instrument I clenched; my whole appearance was haggard and squalid. Tall and muscular as I was in form, I must have looked like, what indeed I was, the merest ruffian that ever trod the earth.

The late setting of the moon, and the extreme caution I had to exercise on this my third expedition, took up so much time that I felt a wave of fear when I saw night turn to twilight. I crawled along by the ferns, on my hands and knees, searching for shadowy spots in the underbrush, while birds woke up and sang unwelcome songs above me, and the fresh morning wind rustling through the branches made me suspect I heard footsteps at every turn. My heart raced as I got closer to the fences; my hand was on one of them, and a leap would take me to the other side when two keepers jumped out from hiding and attacked me: one knocked me down and started to severely whip me. I sprang up—I had a knife in my hand; I lunged at his raised right arm and cut deeply into his hand. The wounded man’s rage and screams, along with his partner's furious exclamations, which I responded to with equal bitterness, echoed through the dell; the morning light grew stronger, contrasting sharply with our primal and noisy fight. I was still grappling with my enemy when the injured man shouted, “The Earl!” I broke free from the strong grip of the keeper, panting from my efforts; I shot angry glances at my attackers and, with my back against a tree, decided to defend myself to the end. My clothes were ripped, and they, along with my hands, were stained with the blood of the man I had hurt; one hand clutched the dead birds—my hard-earned prey—while the other held the knife; my hair was a tangled mess, and my face was smeared with the telltale signs of guilt matching the blood on the weapon I gripped; I looked haggard and filthy. Despite being tall and muscular, I must have appeared to be, as I truly was, the most wretched ruffian that ever walked the earth.

The name of the Earl startled me, and caused all the indignant blood that warmed my heart to rush into my cheeks; I had never seen him before; I figured to myself a haughty, assuming youth, who would take me to task, if he deigned to speak to me, with all the arrogance of superiority. My reply was ready; a reproach I deemed calculated to sting his very heart. He came up the while; and his appearance blew aside, with gentle western breath, my cloudy wrath: a tall, slim, fair boy, with a physiognomy expressive of the excess of sensibility and refinement stood before me; the morning sunbeams tinged with gold his silken hair, and spread light and glory over his beaming countenance. “How is this?” he cried. The men eagerly began their defence; he put them aside, saying, “Two of you at once on a mere lad— for shame!” He came up to me: “Verney,” he cried, “Lionel Verney, do we meet thus for the first time? We were born to be friends to each other; and though ill fortune has divided us, will you not acknowledge the hereditary bond of friendship which I trust will hereafter unite us?”

The name of the Earl surprised me, making all the blood that warmed my heart rush into my cheeks; I had never seen him before. I imagined a proud, arrogant young man who would confront me, if he even decided to speak to me, with all the arrogance of superiority. I had my response ready; a reproach I figured would really hurt him. As he approached, his presence blew away my cloudy anger like a gentle breeze: a tall, slim, fair-haired boy, with a face full of sensitivity and refinement stood before me; the morning sunlight lit up his silky hair and spread light and glory over his smiling face. “What’s going on?” he exclaimed. The men eagerly began to defend themselves; he dismissed them, saying, “Two of you against a mere boy—how shameful!” He came up to me: “Verney,” he called out, “Lionel Verney, is this really our first meeting? We were meant to be friends; and though bad luck has kept us apart, can you not acknowledge the bond of friendship that I hope will unite us in the future?”

As he spoke, his earnest eyes, fixed on me, seemed to read my very soul: my heart, my savage revengeful heart, felt the influence of sweet benignity sink upon it; while his thrilling voice, like sweetest melody, awoke a mute echo within me, stirring to its depths the life-blood in my frame. I desired to reply, to acknowledge his goodness, accept his proffered friendship; but words, fitting words, were not afforded to the rough mountaineer; I would have held out my hand, but its guilty stain restrained me. Adrian took pity on my faltering mien: “Come with me,” he said, “I have much to say to you; come home with me—you know who I am?”

As he spoke, his sincere eyes, locked onto mine, seemed to see right into my soul: my heart, my fierce and vengeful heart, felt the soothing kindness wash over it; while his captivating voice, like the sweetest melody, stirred a silent echo within me, awakening the very essence of my being. I wanted to respond, to acknowledge his goodness and accept his offered friendship; but the right words just wouldn't come to the rough mountaineer. I would have reached out my hand, but its guilty stain held me back. Adrian noticed my uncertainty and said, “Come with me, I have a lot to discuss with you; come home with me—you know who I am?”

“Yes,” I exclaimed, “I do believe that I now know you, and that you will pardon my mistakes—my crime.”

“Yes,” I said, “I really think I know you now, and that you’ll forgive my mistakes—my wrongdoing.”

Adrian smiled gently; and after giving his orders to the gamekeepers, he came up to me; putting his arm in mine, we walked together to the mansion.

Adrian smiled softly, and after giving his instructions to the gamekeepers, he approached me. Looping his arm through mine, we walked together to the mansion.

It was not his rank—after all that I have said, surely it will not be suspected that it was Adrian’s rank, that, from the first, subdued my heart of hearts, and laid my entire spirit prostrate before him. Nor was it I alone who felt thus intimately his perfections. His sensibility and courtesy fascinated every one. His vivacity, intelligence, and active spirit of benevolence, completed the conquest. Even at this early age, he was deep read and imbued with the spirit of high philosophy. This spirit gave a tone of irresistible persuasion to his intercourse with others, so that he seemed like an inspired musician, who struck, with unerring skill, the “lyre of mind,” and produced thence divine harmony. In person, he hardly appeared of this world; his slight frame was overinformed by the soul that dwelt within; he was all mind; “Man but a rush against” his breast, and it would have conquered his strength; but the might of his smile would have tamed an hungry lion, or caused a legion of armed men to lay their weapons at his feet.

It wasn’t his rank—after everything I’ve said, you can’t possibly think it was Adrian’s status that first captured my heart and brought my spirit to its knees before him. I wasn’t the only one who deeply appreciated his qualities. His sensitivity and politeness drew everyone in. His energy, intelligence, and genuine kindness sealed the deal. Even at such a young age, he was well-read and carried the essence of high philosophy. This quality made his interactions with others incredibly persuasive, like an inspired musician who skillfully plays the “lyre of mind,” creating a beautiful harmony. In person, he seemed almost otherworldly; his slender frame was completely animated by the spirit within him; he was all intellect. A mere man pushing against him would have overwhelmed his physical strength; yet the power of his smile could have tamed a hungry lion or made a legion of armed men drop their weapons at his feet.

I spent the day with him. At first he did not recur to the past, or indeed to any personal occurrences. He wished probably to inspire me with confidence, and give me time to gather together my scattered thoughts. He talked of general subjects, and gave me ideas I had never before conceived. We sat in his library, and he spoke of the old Greek sages, and of the power which they had acquired over the minds of men, through the force of love and wisdom only. The room was decorated with the busts of many of them, and he described their characters to me. As he spoke, I felt subject to him; and all my boasted pride and strength were subdued by the honeyed accents of this blue-eyed boy. The trim and paled demesne of civilization, which I had before regarded from my wild jungle as inaccessible, had its wicket opened by him; I stepped within, and felt, as I entered, that I trod my native soil.

I spent the day with him. At first, he didn’t bring up the past or any personal events. He probably wanted to make me feel at ease and give me time to organize my scattered thoughts. He discussed general topics and shared ideas I had never considered before. We sat in his library, and he talked about the ancient Greek philosophers and the influence they had over people’s minds through love and wisdom alone. The room was filled with busts of many of them, and he described their personalities to me. As he spoke, I felt drawn to him; all my supposed pride and strength melted away under the smooth words of this blue-eyed boy. The neat, refined world of civilization, which I had once viewed from my wild jungle as unreachable, was opened up to me by him; I stepped inside and felt, as I entered, that I was back on familiar ground.

As evening came on, he reverted to the past. “I have a tale to relate,” he said, “and much explanation to give concerning the past; perhaps you can assist me to curtail it. Do you remember your father? I had never the happiness of seeing him, but his name is one of my earliest recollections: he stands written in my mind’s tablets as the type of all that was gallant, amiable, and fascinating in man. His wit was not more conspicuous than the overflowing goodness of his heart, which he poured in such full measure on his friends, as to leave, alas! small remnant for himself.”

As evening fell, he reflected on the past. “I have a story to tell,” he said, “and a lot to explain about what happened before; maybe you can help me shorten it. Do you remember your dad? I never had the joy of meeting him, but his name is one of my earliest memories: he’s etched in my mind as the ideal example of everything brave, kind, and captivating in a man. His humor was just as noticeable as the generous kindness of his heart, which he shared so freely with his friends, leaving, unfortunately, little for himself.”

Encouraged by this encomium, I proceeded, in answer to his inquiries, to relate what I remembered of my parent; and he gave an account of those circumstances which had brought about a neglect of my father’s testamentary letter. When, in after times, Adrian’s father, then king of England, felt his situation become more perilous, his line of conduct more embarrassed, again and again he wished for his early friend, who might stand a mound against the impetuous anger of his queen, a mediator between him and the parliament. From the time that he had quitted London, on the fatal night of his defeat at the gaming-table, the king had received no tidings concerning him; and when, after the lapse of years, he exerted himself to discover him, every trace was lost. With fonder regret than ever, he clung to his memory; and gave it in charge to his son, if ever he should meet this valued friend, in his name to bestow every succour, and to assure him that, to the last, his attachment survived separation and silence.

Encouraged by this praise, I proceeded to share what I remembered about my parent in response to his questions, and he explained the circumstances that led to the neglect of my father's will. In later times, Adrian’s father, who was then the king of England, found his situation increasingly dangerous and his decisions more complicated. Time and again, he longed for his old friend, who could have acted as a barrier against the fierce anger of his queen and a mediator between him and the parliament. Since he had left London on the disastrous night of his defeat at the gambling table, the king hadn’t heard anything about him. When, after many years, he tried to find him, every trace had vanished. With deeper regret than ever, he held onto his memory and instructed his son that if he ever encountered this dear friend, he should offer any help he could and assure him that, even after their separation and silence, his loyalty remained strong.

A short time before Adrian’s visit to Cumberland, the heir of the nobleman to whom my father had confided his last appeal to his royal master, put this letter, its seal unbroken, into the young Earl’s hands. It had been found cast aside with a mass of papers of old date, and accident alone brought it to light. Adrian read it with deep interest; and found there that living spirit of genius and wit he had so often heard commemorated. He discovered the name of the spot whither my father had retreated, and where he died; he learnt the existence of his orphan children; and during the short interval between his arrival at Ulswater and our meeting in the park, he had been occupied in making inquiries concerning us, and arranging a variety of plans for our benefit, preliminary to his introducing himself to our notice.

A short time before Adrian’s visit to Cumberland, the heir of the nobleman to whom my father had sent his last appeal to the king handed this letter, its seal unbroken, to the young Earl. It had been found tossed among a bunch of old papers, and only by chance was it discovered. Adrian read it with great interest and found the lively spirit of genius and wit he had often heard about. He learned the name of the place where my father had gone into hiding and where he died; he discovered that my father had orphaned children; and in the short time between his arrival at Ulswater and our meeting in the park, he had been busy making inquiries about us and planning various ways to help us before introducing himself.

The mode in which he spoke of my father was gratifying to my vanity; the veil which he delicately cast over his benevolence, in alledging a duteous fulfilment of the king’s latest will, was soothing to my pride. Other feelings, less ambiguous, were called into play by his conciliating manner and the generous warmth of his expressions, respect rarely before experienced, admiration, and love—he had touched my rocky heart with his magic power, and the stream of affection gushed forth, imperishable and pure. In the evening we parted; he pressed my hand: “We shall meet again; come to me to-morrow.” I clasped that kind hand; I tried to answer; a fervent “God bless you!” was all my ignorance could frame of speech, and I darted away, oppressed by my new emotions.

The way he talked about my father was flattering to my ego; the way he subtly hinted at his kindness, by mentioning a dutiful fulfillment of the king’s latest will, was comforting to my pride. Other feelings, less complicated, were stirred by his friendly demeanor and the warmth of his words—there was respect I had rarely felt before, admiration, and love—he had touched my tough heart with his magic, making a pure and lasting stream of affection flow out. In the evening, we said our goodbyes; he squeezed my hand: “We’ll meet again; come to me tomorrow.” I held that kind hand; I tried to respond; a heartfelt “God bless you!” was all I could manage to say, and I hurried away, overwhelmed by my new feelings.

I could not rest. I sought the hills; a west wind swept them, and the stars glittered above. I ran on, careless of outward objects, but trying to master the struggling spirit within me by means of bodily fatigue. “This,” I thought, “is power! Not to be strong of limb, hard of heart, ferocious, and daring; but kind, compassionate and soft.”—Stopping short, I clasped my hands, and with the fervour of a new proselyte, cried, “Doubt me not, Adrian, I also will become wise and good!” and then quite overcome, I wept aloud.

I couldn't find peace. I went to the hills; a west wind was blowing through them, and the stars sparkled above. I kept running, ignoring everything around me, trying to control the turmoil inside by exhausting my body. “This,” I thought, “is true power! Not just being strong, cold-hearted, fierce, and bold; but kind, compassionate, and gentle.”—Suddenly stopping, I clasped my hands together and, with the enthusiasm of a new believer, shouted, “Don’t doubt me, Adrian, I will also become wise and good!” And then, completely overwhelmed, I cried out loud.

As this gust of passion passed from me, I felt more composed. I lay on the ground, and giving the reins to my thoughts, repassed in my mind my former life; and began, fold by fold, to unwind the many errors of my heart, and to discover how brutish, savage, and worthless I had hitherto been. I could not however at that time feel remorse, for methought I was born anew; my soul threw off the burthen of past sin, to commence a new career in innocence and love. Nothing harsh or rough remained to jar with the soft feelings which the transactions of the day had inspired; I was as a child lisping its devotions after its mother, and my plastic soul was remoulded by a master hand, which I neither desired nor was able to resist.

As this wave of passion faded, I felt calmer. I lay on the ground, letting my thoughts wander, reflecting on my past life; I began to unpack the many mistakes of my heart, realizing how brutish, savage, and worthless I had been until now. However, at that moment, I couldn’t feel remorse, because it seemed like I was born again; my soul shed the weight of past sins to start a new journey in innocence and love. Nothing harsh or rough disturbed the gentle feelings inspired by the day's events; I was like a child quietly reciting prayers after its mother, and my vulnerable soul was reshaped by a guiding hand, which I neither wanted nor could resist.

This was the first commencement of my friendship with Adrian, and I must commemorate this day as the most fortunate of my life. I now began to be human. I was admitted within that sacred boundary which divides the intellectual and moral nature of man from that which characterizes animals. My best feelings were called into play to give fitting responses to the generosity, wisdom, and amenity of my new friend. He, with a noble goodness all his own, took infinite delight in bestowing to prodigality the treasures of his mind and fortune on the long-neglected son of his father’s friend, the offspring of that gifted being whose excellencies and talents he had heard commemorated from infancy.

This was the beginning of my friendship with Adrian, and I must celebrate this day as the most fortunate of my life. I was starting to feel truly human. I was welcomed into that special place that separates human intellect and morality from that of animals. My best feelings were stirred to respond appropriately to the generosity, wisdom, and kindness of my new friend. He, with a unique and noble goodness, took immense pleasure in generously sharing the treasures of his mind and wealth with the long-neglected son of his father’s friend, the child of that talented individual whose qualities and abilities he had heard praised since childhood.

After his abdication the late king had retreated from the sphere of politics, yet his domestic circle afforded him small content. The ex-queen had none of the virtues of domestic life, and those of courage and daring which she possessed were rendered null by the secession of her husband: she despised him, and did not care to conceal her sentiments. The king had, in compliance with her exactions, cast off his old friends, but he had acquired no new ones under her guidance. In this dearth of sympathy, he had recourse to his almost infant son; and the early development of talent and sensibility rendered Adrian no unfitting depository of his father’s confidence. He was never weary of listening to the latter’s often repeated accounts of old times, in which my father had played a distinguished part; his keen remarks were repeated to the boy, and remembered by him; his wit, his fascinations, his very faults were hallowed by the regret of affection; his loss was sincerely deplored. Even the queen’s dislike of the favourite was ineffectual to deprive him of his son’s admiration: it was bitter, sarcastic, contemptuous—but as she bestowed her heavy censure alike on his virtues as his errors, on his devoted friendship and his ill-bestowed loves, on his disinterestedness and his prodigality, on his pre-possessing grace of manner, and the facility with which he yielded to temptation, her double shot proved too heavy, and fell short of the mark. Nor did her angry dislike prevent Adrian from imaging my father, as he had said, the type of all that was gallant, amiable, and fascinating in man. It was not strange therefore, that when he heard of the existence of the offspring of this celebrated person, he should have formed the plan of bestowing on them all the advantages his rank made him rich to afford. When he found me a vagabond shepherd of the hills, a poacher, an unlettered savage, still his kindness did not fail. In addition to the opinion he entertained that his father was to a degree culpable of neglect towards us, and that he was bound to every possible reparation, he was pleased to say that under all my ruggedness there glimmered forth an elevation of spirit, which could be distinguished from mere animal courage, and that I inherited a similarity of countenance to my father, which gave proof that all his virtues and talents had not died with him. Whatever those might be which descended to me, my noble young friend resolved should not be lost for want of culture.

After stepping down, the former king pulled away from politics, but his home life brought him little joy. The ex-queen lacked any of the qualities of a good home, and the bravery she possessed was overshadowed by her husband’s departure: she looked down on him and didn't hide her feelings. The king had, to satisfy her demands, cut ties with his old friends, but he never made any new ones with her around. With no one else to turn to, he leaned on his young son; Adrian’s early signs of talent and sensitivity made him a fitting confidant for his father. He eagerly listened to his dad’s many stories about the past, where my father had a noteworthy role; his sharp comments were shared with the boy and stuck with him. His humor, charm, and even his flaws were cherished in the sadness of love; his loss was deeply mourned. Even the queen’s disdain for the favorite didn’t rob him of his son’s admiration: her bitterness was sharp, sarcastic, and dismissive—but since she criticized both his strengths and his faults, his loyal friendship and misguided loves, his selflessness and extravagance, his charming manners and his vulnerability to temptation, her harsh words lost their impact. Nor did her anger stop Adrian from envisioning my father as the embodiment of everything noble, kind, and captivating in a man. So, when he learned about the existence of the child of this famous figure, it was no surprise that he wanted to give them all the benefits that his status could provide. When he discovered me as a wandering shepherd in the hills, a poacher, and an unrefined savage, his kindness didn’t waver. Besides believing that his father had somewhat neglected us and that he owed us every possible remedy, he was happy to say that beneath my rough exterior, there shone a noble spirit, distinct from mere brute courage, and that I bore a resemblance to my father, proving that his virtues and talents hadn’t vanished with him. Whatever qualities may have been passed down to me, my noble young friend was determined would not go to waste due to a lack of nurturing.

Acting upon this plan in our subsequent intercourse, he led me to wish to participate in that cultivation which graced his own intellect. My active mind, when once it seized upon this new idea, fastened on it with extreme avidity. At first it was the great object of my ambition to rival the merits of my father, and render myself worthy of the friendship of Adrian. But curiosity soon awoke, and an earnest love of knowledge, which caused me to pass days and nights in reading and study. I was already well acquainted with what I may term the panorama of nature, the change of seasons, and the various appearances of heaven and earth. But I was at once startled and enchanted by my sudden extension of vision, when the curtain, which had been drawn before the intellectual world, was withdrawn, and I saw the universe, not only as it presented itself to my outward senses, but as it had appeared to the wisest among men. Poetry and its creations, philosophy and its researches and classifications, alike awoke the sleeping ideas in my mind, and gave me new ones.

Acting on this plan in our future interactions, he inspired me to want to engage in the pursuits that enriched his own intellect. Once I embraced this new idea, my active mind clung to it with intense enthusiasm. Initially, my main goal was to match my father's accomplishments and prove myself worthy of Adrian's friendship. But soon, my curiosity kicked in, along with a genuine love for knowledge that made me spend days and nights immersed in reading and study. I was already familiar with the broad view of nature, the changing seasons, and the various phenomena of the sky and earth. However, I was both startled and captivated by the sudden expansion of my perspective when the curtain that had been drawn over the intellectual realm was lifted, revealing the universe not only as it appeared to my senses but also as it was understood by the wisest among humanity. Poetry and its creations, philosophy with its inquiries and classifications, both awakened the dormant ideas in my mind and inspired new ones.

I felt as the sailor, who from the topmast first discovered the shore of America; and like him I hastened to tell my companions of my discoveries in unknown regions. But I was unable to excite in any breast the same craving appetite for knowledge that existed in mine. Even Perdita was unable to understand me. I had lived in what is generally called the world of reality, and it was awakening to a new country to find that there was a deeper meaning in all I saw, besides that which my eyes conveyed to me. The visionary Perdita beheld in all this only a new gloss upon an old reading, and her own was sufficiently inexhaustible to content her. She listened to me as she had done to the narration of my adventures, and sometimes took an interest in this species of information; but she did not, as I did, look on it as an integral part of her being, which having obtained, I could no more put off than the universal sense of touch.

I felt like a sailor who first spotted the shores of America from the topmast; just like him, I rushed to share my discoveries in uncharted territories with my companions. But I couldn't spark the same deep thirst for knowledge in anyone else that burned in me. Even Perdita couldn't grasp my feelings. I had lived in what most call the real world, and it felt like a new awakening to discover that there was a deeper significance to everything I saw, beyond what my eyes conveyed. The imaginative Perdita saw this only as a fresh take on an old story, and her own perspective was rich enough to satisfy her. She listened to me as she had to my tales of adventure, occasionally showing interest in this kind of knowledge; but she didn’t see it, as I did, as an essential part of her existence, something I could never shake off, just like the universal sense of touch.

We both agreed in loving Adrian: although she not having yet escaped from childhood could not appreciate as I did the extent of his merits, or feel the same sympathy in his pursuits and opinions. I was for ever with him. There was a sensibility and sweetness in his disposition, that gave a tender and unearthly tone to our converse. Then he was gay as a lark carolling from its skiey tower, soaring in thought as an eagle, innocent as the mild-eyed dove. He could dispel the seriousness of Perdita, and take the sting from the torturing activity of my nature. I looked back to my restless desires and painful struggles with my fellow beings as to a troubled dream, and felt myself as much changed as if I had transmigrated into another form, whose fresh sensorium and mechanism of nerves had altered the reflection of the apparent universe in the mirror of mind. But it was not so; I was the same in strength, in earnest craving for sympathy, in my yearning for active exertion. My manly virtues did not desert me, for the witch Urania spared the locks of Sampson, while he reposed at her feet; but all was softened and humanized. Nor did Adrian instruct me only in the cold truths of history and philosophy. At the same time that he taught me by their means to subdue my own reckless and uncultured spirit, he opened to my view the living page of his own heart, and gave me to feel and understand its wondrous character.

We both loved Adrian: even though she hadn’t fully grown up yet, she couldn’t appreciate his greatness like I did, nor share the same empathy for his passions and beliefs. I was constantly with him. There was a sensitivity and kindness in his nature that added a delicate and otherworldly quality to our conversations. He was as cheerful as a lark singing from the skies, thoughtful like an eagle, and innocent like a gentle dove. He could lighten Perdita's seriousness and ease the intense restlessness within me. I reflected on my restless desires and the painful struggles with others as if they were a troubled dream, feeling as if I had transformed into a new being, with a fresh awareness that changed how I perceived the world in my mind. But that wasn't true; I was still the same in strength, in my deep longing for connection, and in my need for active engagement. My masculine virtues didn’t leave me, because the enchantress Urania preserved Sampson's strength while he rested at her feet; everything just felt softer and more human. Adrian didn’t just teach me the cold facts of history and philosophy. While he guided me to tame my wild and unrefined spirit, he also revealed the living pages of his own heart, allowing me to feel and understand its amazing essence.

The ex-queen of England had, even during infancy, endeavoured to implant daring and ambitious designs in the mind of her son. She saw that he was endowed with genius and surpassing talent; these she cultivated for the sake of afterwards using them for the furtherance of her own views. She encouraged his craving for knowledge and his impetuous courage; she even tolerated his tameless love of freedom, under the hope that this would, as is too often the case, lead to a passion for command. She endeavoured to bring him up in a sense of resentment towards, and a desire to revenge himself upon, those who had been instrumental in bringing about his father’s abdication. In this she did not succeed. The accounts furnished him, however distorted, of a great and wise nation asserting its right to govern itself, excited his admiration: in early days he became a republican from principle. Still his mother did not despair. To the love of rule and haughty pride of birth she added determined ambition, patience, and self-control. She devoted herself to the study of her son’s disposition. By the application of praise, censure, and exhortation, she tried to seek and strike the fitting chords; and though the melody that followed her touch seemed discord to her, she built her hopes on his talents, and felt sure that she would at last win him. The kind of banishment he now experienced arose from other causes.

The former queen of England, even as a baby, tried to instill bold and ambitious ideas in her son's mind. She recognized that he was gifted and talented; she nurtured these traits with the intention of later using them to advance her own goals. She encouraged his thirst for knowledge and his fiery courage; she even tolerated his untamed desire for freedom, hoping that this would, as often happens, spark a desire for power. She attempted to raise him with a sense of resentment towards those responsible for his father's abdication and a wish for revenge. However, she was unsuccessful in this. The accounts he received, although distorted, of a great and wise nation asserting its right to self-governance inspired his admiration: he became a republican out of principle at a young age. Still, his mother didn't give up. She combined her love for power and the proud legacy of birth with determined ambition, patience, and self-control. She dedicated herself to understanding her son's character. Through praise, criticism, and encouragement, she tried to find and strike the right chords; and although the resulting melody sounded discordant to her, she held on to her hopes for his talents and felt confident that she would ultimately succeed in shaping him. The kind of exile he was now experiencing stemmed from different reasons.

The ex-queen had also a daughter, now twelve years of age; his fairy sister, Adrian was wont to call her; a lovely, animated, little thing, all sensibility and truth. With these, her children, the noble widow constantly resided at Windsor; and admitted no visitors, except her own partizans, travellers from her native Germany, and a few of the foreign ministers. Among these, and highly distinguished by her, was Prince Zaimi, ambassador to England from the free States of Greece; and his daughter, the young Princess Evadne, passed much of her time at Windsor Castle. In company with this sprightly and clever Greek girl, the Countess would relax from her usual state. Her views with regard to her own children, placed all her words and actions relative to them under restraint: but Evadne was a plaything she could in no way fear; nor were her talents and vivacity slight alleviations to the monotony of the Countess’s life.

The ex-queen also had a daughter, now twelve years old; her fairy sister, Adrian would often call her; a lovely, lively little girl, full of sensitivity and truth. With her children, the noble widow lived permanently at Windsor and welcomed no visitors aside from her own supporters, travelers from her home in Germany, and a few foreign ministers. Among these, and especially favored by her, was Prince Zaimi, the ambassador to England from the free States of Greece; and his daughter, the young Princess Evadne, spent a lot of her time at Windsor Castle. In the company of this spirited and clever Greek girl, the Countess could let loose from her usual demeanor. Her intentions regarding her own children kept all her words and actions towards them under control: but Evadne was a distraction she had no reason to fear; nor were her talents and energy insignificant breaks from the monotony of the Countess’s life.

Evadne was eighteen years of age. Although they spent much time together at Windsor, the extreme youth of Adrian prevented any suspicion as to the nature of their intercourse. But he was ardent and tender of heart beyond the common nature of man, and had already learnt to love, while the beauteous Greek smiled benignantly on the boy. It was strange to me, who, though older than Adrian, had never loved, to witness the whole heart’s sacrifice of my friend. There was neither jealousy, inquietude, or mistrust in his sentiment; it was devotion and faith. His life was swallowed up in the existence of his beloved; and his heart beat only in unison with the pulsations that vivified hers. This was the secret law of his life—he loved and was beloved. The universe was to him a dwelling, to inhabit with his chosen one; and not either a scheme of society or an enchainment of events, that could impart to him either happiness or misery. What, though life and the system of social intercourse were a wilderness, a tiger-haunted jungle! Through the midst of its errors, in the depths of its savage recesses, there was a disentangled and flowery pathway, through which they might journey in safety and delight. Their track would be like the passage of the Red Sea, which they might traverse with unwet feet, though a wall of destruction were impending on either side.

Evadne was eighteen years old. Even though they spent a lot of time together at Windsor, Adrian’s youth made any suspicion about their relationship unlikely. But he was passionate and tender-hearted beyond what’s typical, and he had already learned to love, while the beautiful Greek smiled warmly at him. It was strange for me, being older than Adrian and having never loved, to witness my friend’s total devotion. There was no jealousy, anxiety, or distrust in his feelings; it was pure devotion and faith. His life revolved around the existence of his beloved, and his heart beat only in sync with hers. This was the unspoken rule of his life—he loved and was loved in return. To him, the universe was a place to share with his chosen one, not just a social game or a series of events that could bring him either happiness or sorrow. So what if life and social interactions felt like a wild, dangerous jungle? Amid its chaos and savage depths, there was a clear and beautiful path they could walk together safely and joyfully. Their journey would be like crossing the Red Sea, able to move through without getting wet, even with destruction looming on either side.

Alas! why must I record the hapless delusion of this matchless specimen of humanity? What is there in our nature that is for ever urging us on towards pain and misery? We are not formed for enjoyment; and, however we may be attuned to the reception of pleasureable emotion, disappointment is the never-failing pilot of our life’s bark, and ruthlessly carries us on to the shoals. Who was better framed than this highly-gifted youth to love and be beloved, and to reap unalienable joy from an unblamed passion? If his heart had slept but a few years longer, he might have been saved; but it awoke in its infancy; it had power, but no knowledge; and it was ruined, even as a too early-blowing bud is nipt by the killing frost.

Alas! Why must I document the unfortunate delusion of this exceptional example of humanity? What is it in our nature that constantly pushes us towards pain and suffering? We're not made for enjoyment; and no matter how much we may be capable of experiencing pleasure, disappointment is the relentless guide of our life's journey, harshly steering us towards the rocks. Who was better suited than this extraordinary young man to love and be loved, and to find true joy in an innocent passion? If his heart had matured just a few more years, he might have been spared; but it awakened in its infancy; it had strength, but no understanding; and it was destroyed, just like a flower that blooms too early is caught by a deadly frost.

I did not accuse Evadne of hypocrisy or a wish to deceive her lover; but the first letter that I saw of hers convinced me that she did not love him; it was written with elegance, and, foreigner as she was, with great command of language. The hand-writing itself was exquisitely beautiful; there was something in her very paper and its folds, which even I, who did not love, and was withal unskilled in such matters, could discern as being tasteful. There was much kindness, gratitude, and sweetness in her expression, but no love. Evadne was two years older than Adrian; and who, at eighteen, ever loved one so much their junior? I compared her placid epistles with the burning ones of Adrian. His soul seemed to distil itself into the words he wrote; and they breathed on the paper, bearing with them a portion of the life of love, which was his life. The very writing used to exhaust him; and he would weep over them, merely from the excess of emotion they awakened in his heart.

I didn't accuse Evadne of being hypocritical or trying to deceive her lover; but the first letter I saw from her made me realize that she didn't love him. It was beautifully written, and, even though she was a foreigner, she had a great command of the language. The handwriting itself was stunningly beautiful; there was something about her paper and how it was folded that even I, who didn't love her and was inexperienced in such matters, could tell was tasteful. Her words showed a lot of kindness, gratitude, and sweetness, but no love. Evadne was two years older than Adrian; and who, at eighteen, really loves someone so much younger? I compared her calm letters to Adrian's passionate ones. His soul seemed to pour itself into the words he wrote, and they seemed to breathe with a part of the life of love that was his essence. Writing those letters would tire him out; he'd cry over them simply because of the overwhelming emotions they stirred in his heart.

Adrian’s soul was painted in his countenance, and concealment or deceit were at the antipodes to the dreadless frankness of his nature. Evadne made it her earnest request that the tale of their loves should not be revealed to his mother; and after for a while contesting the point, he yielded it to her. A vain concession; his demeanour quickly betrayed his secret to the quick eyes of the ex-queen. With the same wary prudence that characterized her whole conduct, she concealed her discovery, but hastened to remove her son from the sphere of the attractive Greek. He was sent to Cumberland; but the plan of correspondence between the lovers, arranged by Evadne, was effectually hidden from her. Thus the absence of Adrian, concerted for the purpose of separating, united them in firmer bonds than ever. To me he discoursed ceaselessly of his beloved Ionian. Her country, its ancient annals, its late memorable struggles, were all made to partake in her glory and excellence. He submitted to be away from her, because she commanded this submission; but for her influence, he would have declared his attachment before all England, and resisted, with unshaken constancy, his mother’s opposition. Evadne’s feminine prudence perceived how useless any assertion of his resolves would be, till added years gave weight to his power. Perhaps there was besides a lurking dislike to bind herself in the face of the world to one whom she did not love—not love, at least, with that passionate enthusiasm which her heart told her she might one day feel towards another. He obeyed her injunctions, and passed a year in exile in Cumberland.

Adrian's soul was evident in his expression, and hiding his true feelings or being deceitful was completely opposite to his honest nature. Evadne earnestly asked him not to reveal their love story to his mother, and after some back-and-forth, he reluctantly agreed. It was a futile concession; his demeanor quickly gave his secret away to the keen eyes of the ex-queen. With the same cautious approach that guided her actions, she hid her realization but quickly decided to remove her son from the presence of the alluring Greek. He was sent to Cumberland, but Evadne effectively kept their plan for correspondence a secret from her. So, while Adrian's absence was meant to separate them, it actually brought them closer than ever. He constantly talked to me about his beloved Ionian. Her country, its rich history, and recent struggles were all intertwined with her greatness and beauty. He accepted being away from her because she asked him to, but without her influence, he would have openly declared his love to all of England and stood firm against his mother’s disapproval. Evadne's feminine wisdom recognized that any insistence on his feelings would be pointless until he was older and had more power. Perhaps there was also a hidden reluctance to commit herself publicly to someone she didn't love—not in the passionate way she felt she might one day love another. He followed her wishes and spent a year in exile in Cumberland.

CHAPTER III.

Happy, thrice happy, were the months, and weeks, and hours of that year. Friendship, hand in hand with admiration, tenderness and respect, built a bower of delight in my heart, late rough as an untrod wild in America, as the homeless wind or herbless sea. Insatiate thirst for knowledge, and boundless affection for Adrian, combined to keep both my heart and understanding occupied, and I was consequently happy. What happiness is so true and unclouded, as the overflowing and talkative delight of young people. In our boat, upon my native lake, beside the streams and the pale bordering poplars—in valley and over hill, my crook thrown aside, a nobler flock to tend than silly sheep, even a flock of new-born ideas, I read or listened to Adrian; and his discourse, whether it concerned his love or his theories for the improvement of man, alike entranced me. Sometimes my lawless mood would return, my love of peril, my resistance to authority; but this was in his absence; under the mild sway of his dear eyes, I was obedient and good as a boy of five years old, who does his mother’s bidding.

I was so happy—happier than ever—during those months, weeks, and hours of that year. Friendship, paired with admiration, tenderness, and respect, created a joyful space in my heart, which had previously been as rough as an untouched wilderness in America, like the restless wind or a barren sea. My endless thirst for knowledge and deep affection for Adrian kept my heart and mind engaged, making me genuinely happy. What kind of happiness is more genuine and untroubled than the overflowing, chatty joy of youth? In our boat on my home lake, by the streams and pale poplar trees—through valleys and over hills, with my staff set aside, tending to a more noble flock than mere sheep, a flock of fresh ideas—I read or listened to Adrian. His conversations, whether about his love or his ideas for improving humanity, completely captivated me. Sometimes my rebellious side would come back, my love for danger, my defiance of authority; but that was only when he wasn’t around. Under the gentle influence of his kind eyes, I was obedient and well-behaved, just like a five-year-old boy doing what his mother asks.

After a residence of about a year at Ulswater, Adrian visited London, and came back full of plans for our benefit. You must begin life, he said: you are seventeen, and longer delay would render the necessary apprenticeship more and more irksome. He foresaw that his own life would be one of struggle, and I must partake his labours with him. The better to fit me for this task, we must now separate. He found my name a good passport to preferment, and he had procured for me the situation of private secretary to the Ambassador at Vienna, where I should enter on my career under the best auspices. In two years, I should return to my country, with a name well known and a reputation already founded.

After living in Ulswater for about a year, Adrian went to London and returned full of ideas for our benefit. "You need to start your life," he said. "You're seventeen, and waiting any longer will just make the necessary learning process more annoying." He anticipated that his own life would be filled with challenges, and I had to share in his efforts. To better prepare me for this responsibility, we needed to part ways for now. He realized that my name would open doors for me, and he managed to arrange a position for me as a private secretary to the Ambassador in Vienna, where I would begin my career with great opportunities. In two years, I would come back to my country with a well-known name and an established reputation.

And Perdita?—Perdita was to become the pupil, friend and younger sister of Evadne. With his usual thoughtfulness, he had provided for her independence in this situation. How refuse the offers of this generous friend?—I did not wish to refuse them; but in my heart of hearts, I made a vow to devote life, knowledge, and power, all of which, in as much as they were of any value, he had bestowed on me—all, all my capacities and hopes, to him alone I would devote.

And Perdita?—Perdita was going to be the student, friend, and younger sister of Evadne. With his usual consideration, he had arranged for her independence in this situation. How could I turn down the offers of such a generous friend?—I didn’t want to decline them; but deep down, I vowed to dedicate my life, knowledge, and abilities—everything of worth that he had given me—all my skills and hopes, I would devote solely to him.

Thus I promised myself, as I journied towards my destination with roused and ardent expectation: expectation of the fulfilment of all that in boyhood we promise ourselves of power and enjoyment in maturity. Methought the time was now arrived, when, childish occupations laid aside, I should enter into life. Even in the Elysian fields, Virgil describes the souls of the happy as eager to drink of the wave which was to restore them to this mortal coil. The young are seldom in Elysium, for their desires, outstripping possibility, leave them as poor as a moneyless debtor. We are told by the wisest philosophers of the dangers of the world, the deceits of men, and the treason of our own hearts: but not the less fearlessly does each put off his frail bark from the port, spread the sail, and strain his oar, to attain the multitudinous streams of the sea of life. How few in youth’s prime, moor their vessels on the “golden sands,” and collect the painted shells that strew them. But all at close of day, with riven planks and rent canvas make for shore, and are either wrecked ere they reach it, or find some wave-beaten haven, some desart strand, whereon to cast themselves and die unmourned.

So I promised myself, as I journeyed toward my destination with excited and eager anticipation: the expectation of fulfilling everything we dream of in our youth about having power and enjoyment in adulthood. I thought the time had finally come when, leaving childish pursuits behind, I would step into real life. Even in the Elysian fields, Virgil describes the souls of the happy as eager to drink from the wave that would bring them back to this mortal world. Young people rarely find themselves in Elysium because their desires, outpacing reality, leave them as empty as a broke debtor. The wisest philosophers warn us about the dangers of the world, the deceit of others, and the betrayal of our own hearts: yet, each individual fearlessly sets their fragile boat from the harbor, raises the sail, and rows hard to reach the countless streams of the sea of life. How few during the prime of their youth anchor their vessels on the "golden sands" and gather the colorful shells scattered across them. But by the end of the day, with broken planks and torn sails, they head for shore, and either get wrecked before they reach it or find some battered haven, some deserted beach, where they can throw themselves and die without anyone to mourn them.

A truce to philosophy!—Life is before me, and I rush into possession. Hope, glory, love, and blameless ambition are my guides, and my soul knows no dread. What has been, though sweet, is gone; the present is good only because it is about to change, and the to come is all my own. Do I fear, that my heart palpitates? high aspirations cause the flow of my blood; my eyes seem to penetrate the cloudy midnight of time, and to discern within the depths of its darkness, the fruition of all my soul desires.

Enough with philosophy! Life is ahead of me, and I’m eager to claim it. Hope, glory, love, and pure ambition lead me, and my soul feels no fear. What has happened, though pleasant, is in the past; the present is good only because it’s about to change, and the future is entirely mine. Am I afraid, because my heart races? My high aspirations pump my blood; my eyes seem to see through the dark of time’s midnight, revealing within its depths the fulfillment of all my soul longs for.

Now pause!—During my journey I might dream, and with buoyant wings reach the summit of life’s high edifice. Now that I am arrived at its base, my pinions are furled, the mighty stairs are before me, and step by step I must ascend the wondrous fane—

Now hold on!—During my journey, I might dream, and with light wings reach the top of life’s great building. Now that I’m at its base, my wings are folded, the huge stairs are in front of me, and step by step I have to climb the amazing temple—

Speak!—What door is opened?

Speak!—Which door is opened?

Behold me in a new capacity. A diplomatist: one among the pleasure-seeking society of a gay city; a youth of promise; favourite of the Ambassador. All was strange and admirable to the shepherd of Cumberland. With breathless amaze I entered on the gay scene, whose actors were

Behold me in a new role. A diplomat: one of the pleasure-seeking crowd in a lively city; a promising young man; the favorite of the Ambassador. Everything was strange and wonderful to the shepherd from Cumberland. With breathless wonder, I stepped into the vibrant scene, whose players were

—the lilies glorious as Solomon,
Who toil not, neither do they spin.

—the lilies glorious as Solomon,
Who don’t work, nor do they weave.

Soon, too soon, I entered the giddy whirl; forgetting my studious hours, and the companionship of Adrian. Passionate desire of sympathy, and ardent pursuit for a wished-for object still characterized me. The sight of beauty entranced me, and attractive manners in man or woman won my entire confidence. I called it rapture, when a smile made my heart beat; and I felt the life’s blood tingle in my frame, when I approached the idol which for awhile I worshipped. The mere flow of animal spirits was Paradise, and at night’s close I only desired a renewal of the intoxicating delusion. The dazzling light of ornamented rooms; lovely forms arrayed in splendid dresses; the motions of a dance, the voluptuous tones of exquisite music, cradled my senses in one delightful dream.

Soon, way too soon, I got caught up in a whirlwind; forgetting my study sessions and the time spent with Adrian. I was still driven by a deep yearning for connection and a passionate chase for what I desired. The sight of beauty mesmerized me, and charming personalities, whether in men or women, completely earned my trust. I called it ecstasy when a smile made my heart race, and I could feel the energy coursing through me as I got closer to the idol I adored for a time. The sheer rush of excitement felt like paradise, and at the end of the night, all I wanted was to relive that intoxicating feeling. The bright lights of beautifully decorated rooms, stunning people dressed in gorgeous outfits, the flow of a dance, and the enticing sounds of exquisite music wrapped my senses in one dreamy experience.

And is not this in its kind happiness? I appeal to moralists and sages. I ask if in the calm of their measured reveries, if in the deep meditations which fill their hours, they feel the extasy of a youthful tyro in the school of pleasure? Can the calm beams of their heaven-seeking eyes equal the flashes of mingling passion which blind his, or does the influence of cold philosophy steep their soul in a joy equal to his, engaged

And isn't this happiness in its own way? I turn to moralists and wise people. I wonder if in their thoughtful reflections, in the deep meditations that occupy their time, they feel the thrill of a young novice discovering pleasure? Can the steady glow of their eyes seeking higher truths compare to the intense passion that dazzles his, or does the impact of detached philosophy immerse their souls in a joy that matches his?

In this dear work of youthful revelry.

In this cherished piece of youthful fun.

But in truth, neither the lonely meditations of the hermit, nor the tumultuous raptures of the reveller, are capable of satisfying man’s heart. From the one we gather unquiet speculation, from the other satiety. The mind flags beneath the weight of thought, and droops in the heartless intercourse of those whose sole aim is amusement. There is no fruition in their vacant kindness, and sharp rocks lurk beneath the smiling ripples of these shallow waters.

But honestly, neither the solitary thoughts of the hermit nor the wild joys of the party-goer can truly satisfy a person's heart. From one, we get restless pondering; from the other, just excess. The mind tires under the burden of deep thoughts and feels drained in the empty chats of those who only seek fun. There’s no real fulfillment in their hollow kindness, and hidden dangers lie beneath the cheerful surface of these shallow waters.

Thus I felt, when disappointment, weariness, and solitude drove me back upon my heart, to gather thence the joy of which it had become barren. My flagging spirits asked for something to speak to the affections; and not finding it, I drooped. Thus, notwithstanding the thoughtless delight that waited on its commencement, the impression I have of my life at Vienna is melancholy. Goethe has said, that in youth we cannot be happy unless we love. I did not love; but I was devoured by a restless wish to be something to others. I became the victim of ingratitude and cold coquetry—then I desponded, and imagined that my discontent gave me a right to hate the world. I receded to solitude; I had recourse to my books, and my desire again to enjoy the society of Adrian became a burning thirst.

So I felt when disappointment, fatigue, and loneliness pushed me back into my heart, trying to find the joy that it had lost. My low spirits needed something to connect with emotionally; when I couldn’t find that, I sank. So, despite the carefree happiness that came with the start, my overall impression of my time in Vienna is one of sadness. Goethe said that in youth, we can't be happy unless we love. I didn’t love, but I was consumed by a restless need to matter to others. I became a victim of ingratitude and cold flirtation—then I despaired, thinking that my unhappiness gave me a reason to resent the world. I withdrew into solitude; I turned to my books, and my wish to enjoy Adrian’s company again became an intense longing.

Emulation, that in its excess almost assumed the venomous properties of envy, gave a sting to these feelings. At this period the name and exploits of one of my countrymen filled the world with admiration. Relations of what he had done, conjectures concerning his future actions, were the never-failing topics of the hour. I was not angry on my own account, but I felt as if the praises which this idol received were leaves torn from laurels destined for Adrian. But I must enter into some account of this darling of fame—this favourite of the wonder-loving world.

Imitation, which almost took on the bitter qualities of jealousy, added a sting to these emotions. During this time, the name and achievements of one of my fellow countrymen captivated the world. Stories of what he had done and guesses about his future actions were the topics everyone couldn't stop talking about. I wasn't upset for myself, but it felt like the praise this idol received were leaves ripped from laurels meant for Adrian. But I need to provide some details about this cherished figure of fame—this favorite of a world that loves to marvel.

Lord Raymond was the sole remnant of a noble but impoverished family. From early youth he had considered his pedigree with complacency, and bitterly lamented his want of wealth. His first wish was aggrandisement; and the means that led towards this end were secondary considerations. Haughty, yet trembling to every demonstration of respect; ambitious, but too proud to shew his ambition; willing to achieve honour, yet a votary of pleasure,— he entered upon life. He was met on the threshold by some insult, real or imaginary; some repulse, where he least expected it; some disappointment, hard for his pride to bear. He writhed beneath an injury he was unable to revenge; and he quitted England with a vow not to return, till the good time should arrive, when she might feel the power of him she now despised.

Lord Raymond was the last member of a once-noble but now poor family. From a young age, he took pride in his lineage but bitterly regretted his lack of wealth. His biggest desire was to gain power and status, and the ways to achieve that were secondary concerns. He was arrogant yet sensitive to any sign of respect, ambitious but too proud to show it, and eager for honor while also seeking pleasure—this was how he approached life. However, as he stepped into it, he faced insults, whether real or imagined; rejections from unexpected places; and disappointments that were hard for his pride to handle. He struggled with a wound he couldn't avenge and left England vowing not to return until the day came when it would recognize the strength of the person it currently looked down upon.

He became an adventurer in the Greek wars. His reckless courage and comprehensive genius brought him into notice. He became the darling hero of this rising people. His foreign birth, and he refused to throw off his allegiance to his native country, alone prevented him from filling the first offices in the state. But, though others might rank higher in title and ceremony, Lord Raymond held a station above and beyond all this. He led the Greek armies to victory; their triumphs were all his own. When he appeared, whole towns poured forth their population to meet him; new songs were adapted to their national airs, whose themes were his glory, valour, and munificence. A truce was concluded between the Greeks and Turks. At the same time, Lord Raymond, by some unlooked-for chance, became the possessor of an immense fortune in England, whither he returned, crowned with glory, to receive the meed of honour and distinction before denied to his pretensions. His proud heart rebelled against this change. In what was the despised Raymond not the same? If the acquisition of power in the shape of wealth caused this alteration, that power should they feel as an iron yoke. Power therefore was the aim of all his endeavours; aggrandizement the mark at which he for ever shot. In open ambition or close intrigue, his end was the same—to attain the first station in his own country.

He became an adventurer in the Greek wars. His daring courage and wide-ranging skills caught people's attention. He became the beloved hero of this emerging nation. His foreign birth and refusal to abandon his loyalty to his homeland were the only things that kept him from holding the top positions in the government. But even though others might have higher titles and ceremonies, Lord Raymond occupied a place that was above all that. He led the Greek armies to victory; all their triumphs were his own. When he showed up, entire towns turned out to greet him; new songs were made to fit their national tunes, celebrating his glory, bravery, and generosity. A truce was made between the Greeks and Turks. At the same time, Lord Raymond unexpectedly came into a huge fortune in England, where he returned, celebrated, to claim the honor and recognition that had previously been denied to him. His proud heart resisted this change. In what way was the scorned Raymond not still the same? If gaining power in the form of wealth brought this change, then that power felt like a heavy burden. Power was therefore the goal of all his efforts; ambition was the target he was always aiming for. Whether through open ambition or secret scheming, his aim was the same— to achieve the highest position in his own country.

This account filled me with curiosity. The events that in succession followed his return to England, gave me keener feelings. Among his other advantages, Lord Raymond was supremely handsome; every one admired him; of women he was the idol. He was courteous, honey-tongued—an adept in fascinating arts. What could not this man achieve in the busy English world? Change succeeded to change; the entire history did not reach me; for Adrian had ceased to write, and Perdita was a laconic correspondent. The rumour went that Adrian had become—how write the fatal word—mad: that Lord Raymond was the favourite of the ex-queen, her daughter’s destined husband. Nay, more, that this aspiring noble revived the claim of the house of Windsor to the crown, and that, on the event of Adrian’s incurable disorder and his marriage with the sister, the brow of the ambitious Raymond might be encircled with the magic ring of regality.

This account sparked my curiosity. The events that followed his return to England intensified my feelings. Among his many advantages, Lord Raymond was incredibly handsome; everyone admired him, and he was the idol of women. He was charming and smooth-talking—skilled in the art of attraction. What couldn’t this man achieve in the bustling English world? Change followed change; I didn’t get the full story because Adrian had stopped writing, and Perdita was a brief correspondent. The rumor was that Adrian had become—how do I say this delicately—mad; that Lord Raymond was the favorite of the ex-queen, her daughter’s intended husband. Moreover, it was said that this ambitious noble was reviving the claim of the House of Windsor to the throne, and that if Adrian’s condition remained incurable and he married the sister, the ambitious Raymond might wear the crown one day.

Such a tale filled the trumpet of many voiced fame; such a tale rendered my longer stay at Vienna, away from the friend of my youth, intolerable. Now I must fulfil my vow; now range myself at his side, and be his ally and support till death. Farewell to courtly pleasure; to politic intrigue; to the maze of passion and folly! All hail, England! Native England, receive thy child! thou art the scene of all my hopes, the mighty theatre on which is acted the only drama that can, heart and soul, bear me along with it in its development. A voice most irresistible, a power omnipotent, drew me thither. After an absence of two years I landed on its shores, not daring to make any inquiries, fearful of every remark. My first visit would be to my sister, who inhabited a little cottage, a part of Adrian’s gift, on the borders of Windsor Forest. From her I should learn the truth concerning our protector; I should hear why she had withdrawn from the protection of the Princess Evadne, and be instructed as to the influence which this overtopping and towering Raymond exercised over the fortunes of my friend.

Such a story echoed through many voices; it made my extended stay in Vienna, away from my childhood friend, unbearable. Now I must keep my promise; I must stand by his side, be his ally and support until death. Farewell to courtly pleasures, political schemes, and the chaos of passion and folly! All hail, England! Native England, welcome your child! You are the setting of all my hopes, the grand stage on which the only story can truly carry me forward in its unfolding. An irresistible call, a powerful force, drew me there. After being away for two years, I landed on your shores, hesitant to ask questions and wary of every comment. My first stop would be to see my sister, who lived in a small cottage, a part of Adrian’s gift, on the edge of Windsor Forest. From her, I would learn the truth about our protector; I would find out why she had stepped back from the protection of Princess Evadne, and I would understand the influence that the towering Raymond had over my friend's fate.

I had never before been in the neighbourhood of Windsor; the fertility and beauty of the country around now struck me with admiration, which encreased as I approached the antique wood. The ruins of majestic oaks which had grown, flourished, and decayed during the progress of centuries, marked where the limits of the forest once reached, while the shattered palings and neglected underwood shewed that this part was deserted for the younger plantations, which owed their birth to the beginning of the nineteenth century, and now stood in the pride of maturity. Perdita’s humble dwelling was situated on the skirts of the most ancient portion; before it was stretched Bishopgate Heath, which towards the east appeared interminable, and was bounded to the west by Chapel Wood and the grove of Virginia Water. Behind, the cottage was shadowed by the venerable fathers of the forest, under which the deer came to graze, and which for the most part hollow and decayed, formed fantastic groups that contrasted with the regular beauty of the younger trees. These, the offspring of a later period, stood erect and seemed ready to advance fearlessly into coming time; while those out worn stragglers, blasted and broke, clung to each other, their weak boughs sighing as the wind buffetted them—a weather-beaten crew.

I had never been in the Windsor area before; the richness and beauty of the surrounding countryside amazed me, and my admiration grew as I got closer to the ancient woods. The remnants of majestic oaks that had grown, thrived, and eventually decayed over the centuries marked the former boundaries of the forest, while the broken fences and overgrown underbrush showed that this area had been abandoned for the younger plantations, which had sprung up in the early nineteenth century and now stood proudly in their maturity. Perdita’s simple home was located on the edge of the oldest part; in front of it spread Bishopgate Heath, which seemed endless to the east and was bordered to the west by Chapel Wood and the grove of Virginia Water. Behind the cottage, the ancient trees cast their shadows, where deer came to graze, and many of them, hollow and decaying, formed whimsical clusters that contrasted with the neat lines of the younger trees. These newer trees, products of a later era, stood tall and appeared ready to confidently face the future, while their worn-out counterparts, battered and broken, clung to one another, their frail branches sighing as the wind buffeted them—a weathered bunch.

A light railing surrounded the garden of the cottage, which, low-roofed, seemed to submit to the majesty of nature, and cower amidst the venerable remains of forgotten time. Flowers, the children of the spring, adorned her garden and casements; in the midst of lowliness there was an air of elegance which spoke the graceful taste of the inmate. With a beating heart I entered the enclosure; as I stood at the entrance, I heard her voice, melodious as it had ever been, which before I saw her assured me of her welfare.

A light railing surrounded the garden of the cottage, which had a low roof that seemed to yield to the grandeur of nature and shrink among the ancient remnants of a forgotten era. Flowers, the gifts of spring, decorated her garden and windows; amidst the simplicity, there was an air of elegance that reflected the refined taste of the resident. With a racing heart, I stepped into the enclosure; as I stood at the entrance, I heard her voice, as melodious as ever, which assured me of her well-being even before I saw her.

A moment more and Perdita appeared; she stood before me in the fresh bloom of youthful womanhood, different from and yet the same as the mountain girl I had left. Her eyes could not be deeper than they were in childhood, nor her countenance more expressive; but the expression was changed and improved; intelligence sat on her brow; when she smiled her face was embellished by the softest sensibility, and her low, modulated voice seemed tuned by love. Her person was formed in the most feminine proportions; she was not tall, but her mountain life had given freedom to her motions, so that her light step scarce made her foot-fall heard as she tript across the hall to meet me. When we had parted, I had clasped her to my bosom with unrestrained warmth; we met again, and new feelings were awakened; when each beheld the other, childhood passed, as full grown actors on this changeful scene. The pause was but for a moment; the flood of association and natural feeling which had been checked, again rushed in full tide upon our hearts, and with tenderest emotion we were swiftly locked in each other’s embrace.

A moment later, Perdita appeared; she stood before me in the fresh bloom of youthful womanhood, different from but still the same as the mountain girl I had left. Her eyes were just as deep as they had been in childhood, and her expression was more striking; intelligence lit up her face; when she smiled, her features were enhanced by the softest sensitivity, and her low, melodic voice seemed filled with love. Her figure had the most feminine proportions; she wasn’t tall, but her life in the mountains had given her a graceful ease, making her light steps barely audible as she crossed the hall to meet me. When we had parted, I had embraced her with deep affection; now that we met again, new feelings stirred within us; as we looked at each other, childhood faded away like seasoned actors on this ever-changing stage. The pause lasted only a moment; the rush of shared memories and natural feelings that had been held back surged back into our hearts, and with the deepest emotion, we quickly found ourselves in each other’s arms.

This burst of passionate feeling over, with calmed thoughts we sat together, talking of the past and present. I alluded to the coldness of her letters; but the few minutes we had spent together sufficiently explained the origin of this. New feelings had arisen within her, which she was unable to express in writing to one whom she had only known in childhood; but we saw each other again, and our intimacy was renewed as if nothing had intervened to check it. I detailed the incidents of my sojourn abroad, and then questioned her as to the changes that had taken place at home, the causes of Adrian’s absence, and her secluded life.

Once the intense emotions settled down, we sat together, reflecting on the past and present. I brought up the coldness of her letters, but the few minutes we had spent together clarified the reason for that. She was experiencing new feelings she couldn’t put into words for someone she had only known as a child. Yet, now that we were together again, our connection felt just as strong as ever. I shared stories from my time abroad and then asked her about the changes at home, why Adrian was away, and her quiet lifestyle.

The tears that suffused my sister’s eyes when I mentioned our friend, and her heightened colour seemed to vouch for the truth of the reports that had reached me. But their import was too terrible for me to give instant credit to my suspicion. Was there indeed anarchy in the sublime universe of Adrian’s thoughts, did madness scatter the well-appointed legions, and was he no longer the lord of his own soul? Beloved friend, this ill world was no clime for your gentle spirit; you delivered up its governance to false humanity, which stript it of its leaves ere winter-time, and laid bare its quivering life to the evil ministration of roughest winds. Have those gentle eyes, those “channels of the soul” lost their meaning, or do they only in their glare disclose the horrible tale of its aberrations? Does that voice no longer “discourse excellent music?” Horrible, most horrible! I veil my eyes in terror of the change, and gushing tears bear witness to my sympathy for this unimaginable ruin.

The tears in my sister’s eyes when I brought up our friend, along with her flushed cheeks, seemed to confirm the truth of what I’d heard. But the implications were so awful that I could barely believe my suspicions. Was there really chaos in the beautiful world of Adrian’s thoughts? Did madness disrupt his well-organized mind, leaving him no longer in control of his own spirit? Dear friend, this cruel world is not a place for your gentle nature; you handed over its care to false humanity, which stripped it of its beauty before winter and exposed its trembling life to the harshest winds. Have those gentle eyes, those “windows to the soul,” lost their meaning, or do they now only reveal the horrifying story of its struggles? Does that voice no longer “speak beautiful music?” Horrible, so horrible! I cover my eyes in fear of the change, and my flowing tears show my sympathy for this unimaginable devastation.

In obedience to my request Perdita detailed the melancholy circumstances that led to this event.

In response to my request, Perdita explained the sad circumstances that led to this event.

The frank and unsuspicious mind of Adrian, gifted as it was by every natural grace, endowed with transcendant powers of intellect, unblemished by the shadow of defect (unless his dreadless independence of thought was to be construed into one), was devoted, even as a victim to sacrifice, to his love for Evadne. He entrusted to her keeping the treasures of his soul, his aspirations after excellence, and his plans for the improvement of mankind. As manhood dawned upon him, his schemes and theories, far from being changed by personal and prudential motives, acquired new strength from the powers he felt arise within him; and his love for Evadne became deep-rooted, as he each day became more certain that the path he pursued was full of difficulty, and that he must seek his reward, not in the applause or gratitude of his fellow creatures, hardly in the success of his plans, but in the approbation of his own heart, and in her love and sympathy, which was to lighten every toil and recompence every sacrifice.

The straightforward and trusting mind of Adrian, blessed with every natural grace and extraordinary intellectual gifts, untainted by any flaws (unless his fearless independence of thought counted as one), was devoted, even like a martyr, to his love for Evadne. He entrusted her with the treasures of his soul, his dreams of greatness, and his plans to better humanity. As he reached manhood, his ideas and theories, far from being swayed by personal and practical reasons, gained new strength from the abilities he began to recognize within himself; his love for Evadne took root deeply, as he grew more certain each day that the path he chose was fraught with challenges and that he had to seek his reward not in the applause or gratitude of others, hardly in the success of his efforts, but in the approval of his own heart, and in her love and support, which would ease every burden and repay every sacrifice.

In solitude, and through many wanderings afar from the haunts of men, he matured his views for the reform of the English government, and the improvement of the people. It would have been well if he had concealed his sentiments, until he had come into possession of the power which would secure their practical development. But he was impatient of the years that must intervene, he was frank of heart and fearless. He gave not only a brief denial to his mother’s schemes, but published his intention of using his influence to diminish the power of the aristocracy, to effect a greater equalization of wealth and privilege, and to introduce a perfect system of republican government into England. At first his mother treated his theories as the wild ravings of inexperience. But they were so systematically arranged, and his arguments so well supported, that though still in appearance incredulous, she began to fear him. She tried to reason with him, and finding him inflexible, learned to hate him.

In solitude, and after many wanderings far from the places where people gather, he shaped his ideas about reforming the English government and improving the lives of the people. It would have been wise for him to keep his thoughts to himself until he had the power to make them a reality. But he was restless about the years he would have to wait; he was open-hearted and fearless. He not only outright rejected his mother’s plans but also publicly announced his intention to use his influence to reduce the power of the aristocracy, promote a fairer distribution of wealth and privilege, and establish a perfect system of republican government in England. At first, his mother dismissed his ideas as the reckless dreams of youth. However, his thoughts were so well organized, and his arguments so strong, that even though she still appeared skeptical, she began to worry about him. She tried to reason with him, and when she found him unyielding, she grew to resent him.

Strange to say, this feeling was infectious. His enthusiasm for good which did not exist; his contempt for the sacredness of authority; his ardour and imprudence were all at the antipodes of the usual routine of life; the worldly feared him; the young and inexperienced did not understand the lofty severity of his moral views, and disliked him as a being different from themselves. Evadne entered but coldly into his systems. She thought he did well to assert his own will, but she wished that will to have been more intelligible to the multitude. She had none of the spirit of a martyr, and did not incline to share the shame and defeat of a fallen patriot. She was aware of the purity of his motives, the generosity of his disposition, his true and ardent attachment to her; and she entertained a great affection for him. He repaid this spirit of kindness with the fondest gratitude, and made her the treasure-house of all his hopes.

Strangely enough, this feeling was contagious. His enthusiasm for the good that wasn’t there, his disdain for the sanctity of authority, and his passion and recklessness were completely opposite to the usual way of life; the worldly feared him, while the young and inexperienced didn’t grasp the serious depth of his moral beliefs and looked down on him as someone different from themselves. Evadne was only lukewarm toward his ideas. She thought he was right to assert his own will, but she wished that will had been clearer to the masses. She had none of the spirit of a martyr and didn’t want to share in the shame and defeat of a fallen patriot. She recognized the purity of his intentions, the generosity of his nature, and his genuine and passionate feelings for her; and she cared for him deeply. He responded to her kindness with heartfelt gratitude and made her the keeper of all his hopes.

At this time Lord Raymond returned from Greece. No two persons could be more opposite than Adrian and he. With all the incongruities of his character, Raymond was emphatically a man of the world. His passions were violent; as these often obtained the mastery over him, he could not always square his conduct to the obvious line of self-interest, but self-gratification at least was the paramount object with him. He looked on the structure of society as but a part of the machinery which supported the web on which his life was traced. The earth was spread out as an highway for him; the heavens built up as a canopy for him.

At this time, Lord Raymond returned from Greece. No two people could be more different than Adrian and him. Despite the contradictions in his character, Raymond was definitely a man of the world. His passions were intense; since they often took control of him, he couldn't always align his behavior with what was obviously in his best interest, but personal satisfaction was definitely his primary goal. He viewed the structure of society as just part of the machinery that held up the framework of his life. The earth was laid out as a highway for him; the heavens were constructed as a canopy for him.

Adrian felt that he made a part of a great whole. He owned affinity not only with mankind, but all nature was akin to him; the mountains and sky were his friends; the winds of heaven and the offspring of earth his playmates; while he the focus only of this mighty mirror, felt his life mingle with the universe of existence. His soul was sympathy, and dedicated to the worship of beauty and excellence. Adrian and Raymond now came into contact, and a spirit of aversion rose between them. Adrian despised the narrow views of the politician, and Raymond held in supreme contempt the benevolent visions of the philanthropist.

Adrian felt like he was part of something much bigger. He connected not just with humanity, but with all of nature; the mountains and sky were like friends to him, and the winds and the earth's creatures were his playmates. He was the center of this vast reflection, feeling his life blend with the entire universe. His soul was all about empathy, focused on appreciating beauty and excellence. When Adrian and Raymond met, there was an immediate tension between them. Adrian looked down on the politician's narrow-mindedness, while Raymond held the philanthropist's kind ideals in total disdain.

With the coming of Raymond was formed the storm that laid waste at one fell blow the gardens of delight and sheltered paths which Adrian fancied that he had secured to himself, as a refuge from defeat and contumely. Raymond, the deliverer of Greece, the graceful soldier, who bore in his mien a tinge of all that, peculiar to her native clime, Evadne cherished as most dear— Raymond was loved by Evadne. Overpowered by her new sensations, she did not pause to examine them, or to regulate her conduct by any sentiments except the tyrannical one which suddenly usurped the empire of her heart. She yielded to its influence, and the too natural consequence in a mind unattuned to soft emotions was, that the attentions of Adrian became distasteful to her. She grew capricious; her gentle conduct towards him was exchanged for asperity and repulsive coldness. When she perceived the wild or pathetic appeal of his expressive countenance, she would relent, and for a while resume her ancient kindness. But these fluctuations shook to its depths the soul of the sensitive youth; he no longer deemed the world subject to him, because he possessed Evadne’s love; he felt in every nerve that the dire storms of the mental universe were about to attack his fragile being, which quivered at the expectation of its advent.

With Raymond's arrival came the storm that destroyed in one swift blow the delightful gardens and sheltered paths that Adrian had thought were his refuge from defeat and disrespect. Raymond, the savior of Greece, the charming soldier who carried in his presence a hint of everything Evadne cherished most about her homeland—Raymond was loved by Evadne. Overwhelmed by her new feelings, she didn’t take the time to analyze them or adjust her behavior based on anything other than the dominating emotion that suddenly took control of her heart. She surrendered to its influence, and the natural consequence for someone unaccustomed to soft emotions was that Adrian’s attentions began to annoy her. She became unpredictable; her gentle demeanor towards him shifted to harshness and frosty indifference. When she noticed the wild or heart-wrenching plea in his expressive face, she would soften momentarily and return to her former kindness. But these ups and downs deeply unsettled the sensitive youth; he no longer believed the world was his because he had Evadne’s love; he felt in every part of him that the fierce storms of the emotional world were about to strike his fragile being, which trembled in anticipation of what was to come.

Perdita, who then resided with Evadne, saw the torture that Adrian endured. She loved him as a kind elder brother; a relation to guide, protect, and instruct her, without the too frequent tyranny of parental authority. She adored his virtues, and with mixed contempt and indignation she saw Evadne pile drear sorrow on his head, for the sake of one who hardly marked her. In his solitary despair Adrian would often seek my sister, and in covered terms express his misery, while fortitude and agony divided the throne of his mind. Soon, alas! was one to conquer. Anger made no part of his emotion. With whom should he be angry? Not with Raymond, who was unconscious of the misery he occasioned; not with Evadne, for her his soul wept tears of blood—poor, mistaken girl, slave not tyrant was she, and amidst his own anguish he grieved for her future destiny. Once a writing of his fell into Perdita’s hands; it was blotted with tears—well might any blot it with the like—

Perdita, who was living with Evadne at the time, witnessed the torment that Adrian was going through. She cared for him like an older brother; someone to guide, protect, and teach her, without the constant pressure of parental control. She admired his qualities, and with a mix of scorn and anger, she watched Evadne heap sadness onto him for the sake of someone who barely noticed her. In his lonely despair, Adrian would often turn to my sister and express his suffering in veiled terms, while strength and pain fought for dominance in his mind. Soon, unfortunately, one would prevail. Anger wasn’t part of what he felt. Who could he be angry with? Not Raymond, who was unaware of the distress he caused; not Evadne, for whom his soul wept tears of blood—poor, misguided girl, she was a victim, not a villain, and despite his own pain, he mourned her future. Once, a piece of his writing fell into Perdita’s hands; it was stained with tears—it's no wonder anyone would do the same.

“Life”—it began thus—“is not the thing romance writers describe it; going through the measures of a dance, and after various evolutions arriving at a conclusion, when the dancers may sit down and repose. While there is life there is action and change. We go on, each thought linked to the one which was its parent, each act to a previous act. No joy or sorrow dies barren of progeny, which for ever generated and generating, weaves the chain that make our life:

“Life”—it started this way—“is not what romance writers make it out to be; going through the steps of a dance, and after various moves ending up somewhere, where the dancers can finally sit down and rest. As long as there is life, there’s action and change. We continue, each thought connected to its parent thought, each action tied to a prior action. No joy or sorrow exists without giving rise to something else, which, forever creating and being created, forms the chain that makes up our life:

Un dia llama à otro dia
y asi llama, y encadena
llanto à llanto, y pena à pena.

Un día llama a otro día
y así llama, y encadena
llanto a llanto, y pena a pena.

Truly disappointment is the guardian deity of human life; she sits at the threshold of unborn time, and marshals the events as they come forth. Once my heart sat lightly in my bosom; all the beauty of the world was doubly beautiful, irradiated by the sun-light shed from my own soul. O wherefore are love and ruin for ever joined in this our mortal dream? So that when we make our hearts a lair for that gently seeming beast, its companion enters with it, and pitilessly lays waste what might have been an home and a shelter.”

Disappointment is truly the guardian of human life; she stands at the edge of time yet to come and organizes the events as they unfold. There was a time when my heart felt light; all the beauty in the world seemed even more beautiful, lit up by the light from my own soul. Oh, why are love and ruin always intertwined in our mortal dreams? When we allow our hearts to become a resting place for that seemingly gentle creature, its ruthless partner comes along too, mercilessly destroying what could have been a home and a refuge.

By degrees his health was shaken by his misery, and then his intellect yielded to the same tyranny. His manners grew wild; he was sometimes ferocious, sometimes absorbed in speechless melancholy. Suddenly Evadne quitted London for Paris; he followed, and overtook her when the vessel was about to sail; none knew what passed between them, but Perdita had never seen him since; he lived in seclusion, no one knew where, attended by such persons as his mother selected for that purpose.

Gradually, his health was affected by his unhappiness, and then his mind fell victim to the same overwhelming pressure. His behavior became erratic; at times he was aggressive, and at others, he seemed lost in deep sadness. Suddenly, Evadne left London for Paris; he chased after her and caught up just before the ship set sail. No one knew what happened between them, but Perdita had not seen him since; he lived in isolation, and no one knew where, surrounded only by people his mother chose for him.

CHAPTER IV.

The next day Lord Raymond called at Perdita’s cottage, on his way to Windsor Castle. My sister’s heightened colour and sparkling eyes half revealed her secret to me. He was perfectly self-possessed; he accosted us both with courtesy, seemed immediately to enter into our feelings, and to make one with us. I scanned his physiognomy, which varied as he spoke, yet was beautiful in every change. The usual expression of his eyes was soft, though at times he could make them even glare with ferocity; his complexion was colourless; and every trait spoke predominate self-will; his smile was pleasing, though disdain too often curled his lips—lips which to female eyes were the very throne of beauty and love. His voice, usually gentle, often startled you by a sharp discordant note, which shewed that his usual low tone was rather the work of study than nature. Thus full of contradictions, unbending yet haughty, gentle yet fierce, tender and again neglectful, he by some strange art found easy entrance to the admiration and affection of women; now caressing and now tyrannizing over them according to his mood, but in every change a despot.

The next day, Lord Raymond stopped by Perdita’s cottage on his way to Windsor Castle. My sister's flushed cheeks and sparkling eyes gave away her secret to me. He was completely composed; he greeted us both politely and seemed to immediately connect with our feelings. I studied his face, which changed as he spoke, yet was beautiful in every shift. His eyes usually had a soft expression, though at times they could blaze with intensity; his complexion was pale, and every feature reflected a strong sense of self-will; his smile was charming, although disdain often twisted his lips—lips that were to women the very epitome of beauty and love. His voice was generally gentle, but it could abruptly surprise you with a harsh note, revealing that his usual soft tone was more crafted than natural. Full of contradictions, both rigid and arrogant, gentle yet fierce, tender and then dismissive, he somehow skillfully won the admiration and affection of women; at times he would pamper them, and at other times exert control over them, depending on his mood, but in every change, he was a tyrant.

At the present time Raymond evidently wished to appear amiable. Wit, hilarity, and deep observation were mingled in his talk, rendering every sentence that he uttered as a flash of light. He soon conquered my latent distaste; I endeavoured to watch him and Perdita, and to keep in mind every thing I had heard to his disadvantage. But all appeared so ingenuous, and all was so fascinating, that I forgot everything except the pleasure his society afforded me. Under the idea of initiating me in the scene of English politics and society, of which I was soon to become a part, he narrated a number of anecdotes, and sketched many characters; his discourse, rich and varied, flowed on, pervading all my senses with pleasure. But for one thing he would have been completely triumphant. He alluded to Adrian, and spoke of him with that disparagement that the worldly wise always attach to enthusiasm. He perceived the cloud gathering, and tried to dissipate it; but the strength of my feelings would not permit me to pass thus lightly over this sacred subject; so I said emphatically, “Permit me to remark, that I am devotedly attached to the Earl of Windsor; he is my best friend and benefactor. I reverence his goodness, I accord with his opinions, and bitterly lament his present, and I trust temporary, illness. That illness, from its peculiarity, makes it painful to me beyond words to hear him mentioned, unless in terms of respect and affection.”

Right now, Raymond clearly wanted to seem friendly. His wit, humor, and sharp observations mixed together in his conversation, making every sentence he spoke feel like a bright spark. He quickly overcame my hidden dislike; I tried to keep an eye on him and Perdita while remembering everything I had heard that painted him in a bad light. But everything felt so genuine and captivating that I forgot everything except the joy he brought me. To help me understand the world of English politics and society that I was about to enter, he shared several anecdotes and sketched out various characters; his rich and varied discourse flowed easily, filling my senses with pleasure. If it weren't for one thing, he would have completely won me over. He mentioned Adrian and talked about him with the usual condescension that the worldly wise often attach to passion. He noticed the tension rising and tried to lighten the mood, but my strong feelings wouldn't let me brush aside this important topic. So I said firmly, “Allow me to point out that I am deeply attached to the Earl of Windsor; he is my closest friend and benefactor. I respect his kindness, I agree with his views, and I deeply regret his current, hopefully temporary, illness. That illness, due to its nature, makes it incredibly painful for me to hear him mentioned, unless it's with respect and affection.”

Raymond replied; but there was nothing conciliatory in his reply. I saw that in his heart he despised those dedicated to any but worldly idols. “Every man,” he said, “dreams about something, love, honour, and pleasure; you dream of friendship, and devote yourself to a maniac; well, if that be your vocation, doubtless you are in the right to follow it.”—

Raymond replied, but his response was far from friendly. I could see that deep down, he looked down on those who were devoted to anything other than materialistic pursuits. “Everyone,” he said, “has their dreams—love, honor, and pleasure; you dream of friendship and devote yourself to a madman; well, if that's your calling, then surely you're justified in pursuing it.”

Some reflection seemed to sting him, and the spasm of pain that for a moment convulsed his countenance, checked my indignation. “Happy are dreamers,” he continued, “so that they be not awakened! Would I could dream! but ‘broad and garish day’ is the element in which I live; the dazzling glare of reality inverts the scene for me. Even the ghost of friendship has departed, and love”——He broke off; nor could I guess whether the disdain that curled his lip was directed against the passion, or against himself for being its slave.

Some reflection seemed to hurt him, and the momentary spasm of pain on his face stopped my anger. “Lucky are the dreamers,” he continued, “as long as they aren’t disturbed! I wish I could dream! But ‘bright and harsh daylight’ is the world I live in; the blinding glare of reality twists everything for me. Even the ghost of friendship has left, and love”—He paused; I couldn't tell if the disdain on his lips was aimed at the passion itself or at himself for being its prisoner.

This account may be taken as a sample of my intercourse with Lord Raymond. I became intimate with him, and each day afforded me occasion to admire more and more his powerful and versatile talents, that together with his eloquence, which was graceful and witty, and his wealth now immense, caused him to be feared, loved, and hated beyond any other man in England.

This account can be seen as an example of my interactions with Lord Raymond. I grew close to him, and every day gave me more reasons to admire his impressive and varied talents. Along with his eloquence, which was both graceful and funny, his immense wealth made him a figure that was feared, loved, and hated more than anyone else in England.

My descent, which claimed interest, if not respect, my former connection with Adrian, the favour of the ambassador, whose secretary I had been, and now my intimacy with Lord Raymond, gave me easy access to the fashionable and political circles of England. To my inexperience we at first appeared on the eve of a civil war; each party was violent, acrimonious, and unyielding. Parliament was divided by three factions, aristocrats, democrats, and royalists. After Adrian’s declared predeliction to the republican form of government, the latter party had nearly died away, chiefless, guideless; but, when Lord Raymond came forward as its leader, it revived with redoubled force. Some were royalists from prejudice and ancient affection, and there were many moderately inclined who feared alike the capricious tyranny of the popular party, and the unbending despotism of the aristocrats. More than a third of the members ranged themselves under Raymond, and their number was perpetually encreasing. The aristocrats built their hopes on their preponderant wealth and influence; the reformers on the force of the nation itself; the debates were violent, more violent the discourses held by each knot of politicians as they assembled to arrange their measures. Opprobrious epithets were bandied about, resistance even to the death threatened; meetings of the populace disturbed the quiet order of the country; except in war, how could all this end? Even as the destructive flames were ready to break forth, I saw them shrink back; allayed by the absence of the military, by the aversion entertained by every one to any violence, save that of speech, and by the cordial politeness and even friendship of the hostile leaders when they met in private society. I was from a thousand motives induced to attend minutely to the course of events, and watch each turn with intense anxiety.

My background, which drew interest, if not respect, my previous connection with Adrian, the favor of the ambassador, whose secretary I had been, and my close ties with Lord Raymond, gave me easy access to the trendy and political circles of England. To my inexperience, it initially seemed we were on the brink of a civil war; each side was passionate, bitter, and unyielding. Parliament was split into three factions: aristocrats, democrats, and royalists. Following Adrian’s clear preference for a republican government, the royalist faction had nearly faded away, leaderless and directionless; but when Lord Raymond stepped up as its leader, it came back with renewed strength. Some were royalists out of tradition and loyalty, while many moderates feared both the unpredictable tyranny of the popular side and the rigid oppression of the aristocrats. More than a third of the members aligned themselves with Raymond, and their numbers were constantly growing. The aristocrats relied on their significant wealth and influence; the reformers looked to the strength of the nation itself; the debates were intense, even more so among the different groups of politicians as they gathered to plan their strategies. Insulting names were thrown around, and threats of resistance to the death were made; public gatherings disrupted the peace of the country; aside from war, how could all this end? Just when it seemed that destructive chaos was about to erupt, I watched them pull back; held back by the absence of the military, by everyone's aversion to any violence except for words, and by the cordial politeness and even friendship shown by the opposing leaders when they met socially. I was motivated by a thousand reasons to closely follow the unfolding events and watch each development with intense anxiety.

I could not but perceive that Perdita loved Raymond; methought also that he regarded the fair daughter of Verney with admiration and tenderness. Yet I knew that he was urging forward his marriage with the presumptive heiress of the Earldom of Windsor, with keen expectation of the advantages that would thence accrue to him. All the ex-queen’s friends were his friends; no week passed that he did not hold consultations with her at Windsor.

I couldn't help but notice that Perdita loved Raymond; I also thought that he looked at the beautiful daughter of Verney with admiration and care. Still, I knew that he was pushing to marry the likely heiress of the Earldom of Windsor, eagerly anticipating the benefits that would come from it. All the ex-queen’s friends were his friends; not a week went by without him meeting with her at Windsor.

I had never seen the sister of Adrian. I had heard that she was lovely, amiable, and fascinating. Wherefore should I see her? There are times when we have an indefinable sentiment of impending change for better or for worse, to arise from an event; and, be it for better or for worse, we fear the change, and shun the event. For this reason I avoided this high-born damsel. To me she was everything and nothing; her very name mentioned by another made me start and tremble; the endless discussion concerning her union with Lord Raymond was real agony to me. Methought that, Adrian withdrawn from active life, and this beauteous Idris, a victim probably to her mother’s ambitious schemes, I ought to come forward to protect her from undue influence, guard her from unhappiness, and secure to her freedom of choice, the right of every human being. Yet how was I to do this? She herself would disdain my interference. Since then I must be an object of indifference or contempt to her, better, far better avoid her, nor expose myself before her and the scornful world to the chance of playing the mad game of a fond, foolish Icarus. One day, several months after my return to England, I quitted London to visit my sister. Her society was my chief solace and delight; and my spirits always rose at the expectation of seeing her. Her conversation was full of pointed remark and discernment; in her pleasant alcove, redolent with sweetest flowers, adorned by magnificent casts, antique vases, and copies of the finest pictures of Raphael, Correggio, and Claude, painted by herself, I fancied myself in a fairy retreat untainted by and inaccessible to the noisy contentions of politicians and the frivolous pursuits of fashion. On this occasion, my sister was not alone; nor could I fail to recognise her companion: it was Idris, the till now unseen object of my mad idolatry.

I had never seen Adrian's sister. I had heard she was beautiful, nice, and captivating. Why should I meet her? Sometimes we have an unexplainable feeling that something is about to change, for better or worse, because of an event; and whether it’s for better or worse, we fear the change and avoid the event. That’s why I stayed away from this noble young woman. To me, she was everything and nothing; just hearing her name made me start and tremble; the endless talk about her potential marriage to Lord Raymond was torture for me. I thought that since Adrian had stepped back from public life, and this lovely Idris was likely a victim of her mother’s ambitious plans, I should step in to protect her from bad influences, shield her from unhappiness, and guarantee her freedom of choice, which is every person's right. But how could I do that? She would likely look down on my interference. Since I would probably be indifferent or contemptible to her, it was better—much better—to avoid her entirely, rather than expose myself to her and the scornful world and risk playing the foolish game of a lovesick Icarus. One day, several months after returning to England, I left London to visit my sister. Her company was my main source of comfort and joy; my spirits always lifted at the thought of seeing her. Her conversations were full of sharp insights and understanding; in her lovely nook, filled with the sweetest flowers and adorned with stunning sculptures, antique vases, and her own copies of the finest paintings by Raphael, Correggio, and Claude, I felt like I was in a magical sanctuary, untouched by the loud arguments of politicians and the trivial pursuits of fashion. On this occasion, my sister wasn’t alone; I instantly recognized her companion: it was Idris, the object of my intense admiration until now.

In what fitting terms of wonder and delight, in what choice expression and soft flow of language, can I usher in the loveliest, wisest, best? How in poor assemblage of words convey the halo of glory that surrounded her, the thousand graces that waited unwearied on her. The first thing that struck you on beholding that charming countenance was its perfect goodness and frankness; candour sat upon her brow, simplicity in her eyes, heavenly benignity in her smile. Her tall slim figure bent gracefully as a poplar to the breezy west, and her gait, goddess-like, was as that of a winged angel new alit from heaven’s high floor; the pearly fairness of her complexion was stained by a pure suffusion; her voice resembled the low, subdued tenor of a flute. It is easiest perhaps to describe by contrast. I have detailed the perfections of my sister; and yet she was utterly unlike Idris. Perdita, even where she loved, was reserved and timid; Idris was frank and confiding. The one recoiled to solitude, that she might there entrench herself from disappointment and injury; the other walked forth in open day, believing that none would harm her. Wordsworth has compared a beloved female to two fair objects in nature; but his lines always appeared to me rather a contrast than a similitude:

In what amazing and delightful words, in what perfect expression and smooth flow of language, can I introduce the most beautiful, wise, and wonderful? How can I, with such limited vocabulary, convey the halo of glory that surrounded her, the countless graces that diligently accompanied her? The first thing that struck you upon seeing that enchanting face was its perfect goodness and honesty; sincerity rested on her brow, simplicity shone in her eyes, and heavenly kindness radiated from her smile. Her tall, slender figure bent gracefully like a poplar to the gentle west wind, and her walk, goddess-like, resembled that of a winged angel just descended from heaven’s heights; the pearly fairness of her complexion was touched with a pure glow; her voice was like the soft, mellow tone of a flute. It might be easier to describe by contrast. I have listed the beauties of my sister; yet she was completely different from Idris. Perdita, even in love, was reserved and shy; Idris was open and trusting. One withdrew to solitude to protect herself from disappointment and harm; the other stepped out confidently into the daylight, believing that no one would hurt her. Wordsworth compared a beloved woman to two beautiful elements in nature; however, his lines always seemed more of a contrast than a similarity:

A violet by a mossy stone
    Half hidden from the eye,
Fair as a star when only one
    Is shining in the sky.

A violet by a mossy stone
    Half hidden from view,
As lovely as a star when there's only one
    Shining in the sky.

Such a violet was sweet Perdita, trembling to entrust herself to the very air, cowering from observation, yet betrayed by her excellences; and repaying with a thousand graces the labour of those who sought her in her lonely bye-path. Idris was as the star, set in single splendour in the dim anadem of balmy evening; ready to enlighten and delight the subject world, shielded herself from every taint by her unimagined distance from all that was not like herself akin to heaven.

Such a violet was sweet Perdita, nervously ready to open up to the air around her, hiding from being seen, yet her beauty gave her away; and she returned the efforts of those who searched for her in her secluded path with countless charms. Idris was like a star, shining alone in the soft glow of the evening; prepared to inspire and bring joy to the world below, keeping herself untouched by anything that was not like her, almost heavenly.

I found this vision of beauty in Perdita’s alcove, in earnest conversation with its inmate. When my sister saw me, she rose, and taking my hand, said, “He is here, even at our wish; this is Lionel, my brother.” Idris arose also, and bent on me her eyes of celestial blue, and with grace peculiar said—“You hardly need an introduction; we have a picture, highly valued by my father, which declares at once your name. Verney, you will acknowledge this tie, and as my brother’s friend, I feel that I may trust you.”

I discovered this vision of beauty in Perdita’s alcove, deeply engaged in conversation with its occupant. When my sister noticed me, she stood up, took my hand, and said, “He’s here, just as we wanted; this is Lionel, my brother.” Idris also rose and looked at me with her striking blue eyes, and with her unique grace said, “You don’t really need an introduction; we have a picture, highly valued by my father, that reveals your name right away. Verney, you will recognize this connection, and as my brother’s friend, I feel I can trust you.”

Then, with lids humid with a tear and trembling voice, she continued— “Dear friends, do not think it strange that now, visiting you for the first time, I ask your assistance, and confide my wishes and fears to you. To you alone do I dare speak; I have heard you commended by impartial spectators; you are my brother’s friends, therefore you must be mine. What can I say? if you refuse to aid me, I am lost indeed!” She cast up her eyes, while wonder held her auditors mute; then, as if carried away by her feelings, she cried—“My brother! beloved, ill-fated Adrian! how speak of your misfortunes? Doubtless you have both heard the current tale; perhaps believe the slander; but he is not mad! Were an angel from the foot of God’s throne to assert it, never, never would I believe it. He is wronged, betrayed, imprisoned—save him! Verney, you must do this; seek him out in whatever part of the island he is immured; find him, rescue him from his persecutors, restore him to himself, to me—on the wide earth I have none to love but only him!”

Then, with tear-filled eyes and a trembling voice, she continued— “Dear friends, don’t think it’s odd that now, visiting you for the first time, I ask for your help and share my wishes and fears. You are the only ones I dare to confide in; I’ve heard others speak highly of you. You’re my brother’s friends, so you must be mine too. What more can I say? If you refuse to help me, I am truly lost!” She looked up, while amazement left her audience speechless; then, as if swept up in her emotions, she cried—“My brother! beloved, unfortunate Adrian! how can I talk about your misfortunes? You must have both heard the rumors; maybe you even believe the lies; but he is not mad! Even if an angel from God’s throne said it, I would never, ever believe it. He is wronged, betrayed, imprisoned—save him! Verney, you have to do this; find him wherever he is trapped on this island; rescue him from his enemies and bring him back to himself, to me—he is all I have to love in this wide world!”

Her earnest appeal, so sweetly and passionately expressed, filled me with wonder and sympathy; and, when she added, with thrilling voice and look, “Do you consent to undertake this enterprize?” I vowed, with energy and truth, to devote myself in life and death to the restoration and welfare of Adrian. We then conversed on the plan I should pursue, and discussed the probable means of discovering his residence. While we were in earnest discourse, Lord Raymond entered unannounced: I saw Perdita tremble and grow deadly pale, and the cheeks of Idris glow with purest blushes. He must have been astonished at our conclave, disturbed by it I should have thought; but nothing of this appeared; he saluted my companions, and addressed me with a cordial greeting. Idris appeared suspended for a moment, and then with extreme sweetness, she said, “Lord Raymond, I confide in your goodness and honour.”

Her heartfelt appeal, so sweetly and passionately expressed, filled me with wonder and sympathy; and when she added, with an exciting voice and gaze, “Do you agree to take on this endeavor?” I vowed, with energy and sincerity, to dedicate myself, in life and death, to the restoration and well-being of Adrian. We then talked about the plan I should follow and discussed the possible ways of finding his location. While we were deeply engaged in conversation, Lord Raymond entered unexpectedly: I noticed Perdita tremble and go pale, while Idris's cheeks flushed with the purest of blushes. He must have been surprised by our gathering, and I would have thought he was disturbed by it; but he showed nothing of that. He greeted my companions warmly and addressed me with a friendly hello. Idris seemed to freeze for a moment, and then, with great sweetness, she said, “Lord Raymond, I trust in your goodness and honor.”

Smiling haughtily, he bent his head, and replied, with emphasis, “Do you indeed confide, Lady Idris?”

Smiling arrogantly, he lowered his head and replied, with emphasis, “Do you really trust me, Lady Idris?”

She endeavoured to read his thought, and then answered with dignity, “As you please. It is certainly best not to compromise oneself by any concealment.”

She tried to read his mind, then replied with dignity, “As you wish. It's definitely better not to compromise yourself by hiding anything.”

“Pardon me,” he replied, “if I have offended. Whether you trust me or not, rely on my doing my utmost to further your wishes, whatever they may be.”

“Excuse me,” he said, “if I have upset you. Whether you believe me or not, you can count on me to do my best to support your wishes, whatever they may be.”

Idris smiled her thanks, and rose to take leave. Lord Raymond requested permission to accompany her to Windsor Castle, to which she consented, and they quitted the cottage together. My sister and I were left—truly like two fools, who fancied that they had obtained a golden treasure, till daylight shewed it to be lead—two silly, luckless flies, who had played in sunbeams and were caught in a spider’s web. I leaned against the casement, and watched those two glorious creatures, till they disappeared in the forest-glades; and then I turned. Perdita had not moved; her eyes fixed on the ground, her cheeks pale, her very lips white, motionless and rigid, every feature stamped by woe, she sat. Half frightened, I would have taken her hand; but she shudderingly withdrew it, and strove to collect herself. I entreated her to speak to me: “Not now,” she replied, “nor do you speak to me, my dear Lionel; you can say nothing, for you know nothing. I will see you to-morrow; in the meantime, adieu!” She rose, and walked from the room; but pausing at the door, and leaning against it, as if her over-busy thoughts had taken from her the power of supporting herself, she said, “Lord Raymond will probably return. Will you tell him that he must excuse me to-day, for I am not well. I will see him to-morrow if he wishes it, and you also. You had better return to London with him; you can there make the enquiries agreed upon, concerning the Earl of Windsor and visit me again to-morrow, before you proceed on your journey—till then, farewell!”

Idris smiled in gratitude and got up to leave. Lord Raymond asked if he could accompany her to Windsor Castle, and she agreed, so they left the cottage together. My sister and I were left behind—truly like two fools who thought they had found a treasure, only to realize in the light of day that it was worthless—two unfortunate flies who had played in the sunlight and got trapped in a spider’s web. I leaned against the window and watched those two wonderful people until they vanished into the forest; then I turned away. Perdita hadn’t moved; her eyes were fixed on the ground, her cheeks pale, her lips white, motionless and rigid, every feature marked by sorrow. I was half scared and reached for her hand; but she flinched and pulled it away, trying to compose herself. I urged her to talk to me: “Not now,” she replied, “and please don’t say anything, dear Lionel; you can’t say anything because you don’t know anything. I’ll see you tomorrow; for now, goodbye!” She stood up and left the room but paused at the door, leaning against it as if her racing thoughts had drained her strength, saying, “Lord Raymond will probably come back. Will you tell him he has to excuse me today, because I’m not well? I’ll see him tomorrow if he wants, and you too. It’s best if you go back to London with him; you can make the inquiries we agreed on about the Earl of Windsor and visit me again tomorrow before you continue your journey—until then, farewell!”

She spoke falteringly, and concluded with a heavy sigh. I gave my assent to her request; and she left me. I felt as if, from the order of the systematic world, I had plunged into chaos, obscure, contrary, unintelligible. That Raymond should marry Idris was more than ever intolerable; yet my passion, though a giant from its birth, was too strange, wild, and impracticable, for me to feel at once the misery I perceived in Perdita. How should I act? She had not confided in me; I could not demand an explanation from Raymond without the hazard of betraying what was perhaps her most treasured secret. I would obtain the truth from her the following day—in the mean time—But, while I was occupied by multiplying reflections, Lord Raymond returned. He asked for my sister; and I delivered her message. After musing on it for a moment, he asked me if I were about to return to London, and if I would accompany him: I consented. He was full of thought, and remained silent during a considerable part of our ride; at length he said, “I must apologize to you for my abstraction; the truth is, Ryland’s motion comes on to-night, and I am considering my reply.”

She spoke hesitantly and ended with a deep sigh. I agreed to her request, and she left me. I felt as though I had dropped from the order of the organized world into chaos—confusing, contradictory, and incomprehensible. The idea of Raymond marrying Idris was more intolerable than ever; yet my feelings, though powerful from the start, were too strange, wild, and impractical for me to fully grasp the sadness I saw in Perdita. What should I do? She hadn’t confided in me; I couldn't ask Raymond for an explanation without risking the chance of revealing what was possibly her most precious secret. I would find out the truth from her the next day—in the meantime—But while I was caught up in these thoughts, Lord Raymond returned. He asked for my sister, and I relayed her message. After thinking for a moment, he asked if I was planning to return to London and if I would join him: I agreed. He was deep in thought and stayed silent for most of our ride; finally, he said, “I need to apologize for being distracted; the truth is, Ryland’s motion is happening tonight, and I'm thinking about my response.”

Ryland was the leader of the popular party, a hard-headed man, and in his way eloquent; he had obtained leave to bring in a bill making it treason to endeavour to change the present state of the English government and the standing laws of the republic. This attack was directed against Raymond and his machinations for the restoration of the monarchy.

Ryland was the leader of the popular party, a tough-minded guy, and in his own way, persuasive; he had been granted permission to introduce a bill that would make it treasonous to try to change the current system of the English government and the established laws of the republic. This move was aimed at Raymond and his schemes to bring back the monarchy.

Raymond asked me if I would accompany him to the House that evening. I remembered my pursuit for intelligence concerning Adrian; and, knowing that my time would be fully occupied, I excused myself. “Nay,” said my companion, “I can free you from your present impediment. You are going to make enquiries concerning the Earl of Windsor. I can answer them at once, he is at the Duke of Athol’s seat at Dunkeld. On the first approach of his disorder, he travelled about from one place to another; until, arriving at that romantic seclusion he refused to quit it, and we made arrangements with the Duke for his continuing there.”

Raymond asked me if I would go with him to the House that evening. I remembered my search for information about Adrian and, knowing that I would be busy, I declined. “No,” my friend said, “I can help you with your current issue. You’re trying to find out about the Earl of Windsor. I can tell you right now, he’s at the Duke of Athol’s estate in Dunkeld. When his illness first started, he traveled from place to place until he got to that beautiful spot, and he wouldn’t leave. We made arrangements with the Duke for him to stay there.”

I was hurt by the careless tone with which he conveyed this information, and replied coldly: “I am obliged to you for your intelligence, and will avail myself of it.”

I was upset by the careless way he shared this news, and I responded coolly: “Thank you for your information; I’ll take it into account.”

“You shall, Verney,” said he, “and if you continue of the same mind, I will facilitate your views. But first witness, I beseech you, the result of this night’s contest, and the triumph I am about to achieve, if I may so call it, while I fear that victory is to me defeat. What can I do? My dearest hopes appear to be near their fulfilment. The ex-queen gives me Idris; Adrian is totally unfitted to succeed to the earldom, and that earldom in my hands becomes a kingdom. By the reigning God it is true; the paltry earldom of Windsor shall no longer content him, who will inherit the rights which must for ever appertain to the person who possesses it. The Countess can never forget that she has been a queen, and she disdains to leave a diminished inheritance to her children; her power and my wit will rebuild the throne, and this brow will be clasped by a kingly diadem.—I can do this—I can marry Idris.”—-

“You will, Verney,” he said, “and if you keep this mindset, I will help you achieve your goals. But first, please witness the outcome of tonight’s contest and the victory I’m about to claim, if I can even call it that, while I worry that winning might feel like losing for me. What can I say? My deepest hopes seem close to coming true. The former queen has given me Idris; Adrian is completely unfit to take over the earldom, and with that earldom in my hands, it becomes a kingdom. By the reigning God, it’s true; the insignificant earldom of Windsor will no longer satisfy someone who will inherit the rights that will forever belong to the one who possesses it. The Countess can never forget that she was a queen, and she refuses to leave a diminished legacy for her children; her power and my cleverness will restore the throne, and this head will be adorned with a royal crown.—I can do this—I can marry Idris.”

He stopped abruptly, his countenance darkened, and its expression changed again and again under the influence of internal passion. I asked, “Does Lady Idris love you?”

He suddenly stopped, his face clouded, and its expression shifted repeatedly due to his inner turmoil. I asked, “Does Lady Idris love you?”

“What a question,” replied he laughing. “She will of course, as I shall her, when we are married.”

“What a question,” he replied with a laugh. “Of course, she will, just like I will, once we’re married.”

“You begin late,” said I, ironically, “marriage is usually considered the grave, and not the cradle of love. So you are about to love her, but do not already?”

“You're starting late,” I said with irony, “marriage is usually seen as the grave, not the cradle of love. So you’re about to love her, but you don’t already?”

“Do not catechise me, Lionel; I will do my duty by her, be assured. Love! I must steel my heart against that; expel it from its tower of strength, barricade it out: the fountain of love must cease to play, its waters be dried up, and all passionate thoughts attendant on it die—that is to say, the love which would rule me, not that which I rule. Idris is a gentle, pretty, sweet little girl; it is impossible not to have an affection for her, and I have a very sincere one; only do not speak of love —love, the tyrant and the tyrant-queller; love, until now my conqueror, now my slave; the hungry fire, the untameable beast, the fanged snake—no—no—I will have nothing to do with that love. Tell me, Lionel, do you consent that I should marry this young lady?”

“Don’t question me, Lionel; I’ll do my duty by her, trust me. Love! I have to harden my heart against that; push it out of its stronghold, shut it out: the source of love must stop flowing, its waters must dry up, and all the passionate thoughts that come with it must die—that is to say, the love that would control me, not the love that I control. Idris is a sweet, lovely, charming girl; it’s impossible not to feel some affection for her, and I genuinely do; just don’t mention love—love, the tyrant and the one that brings down tyrants; love, which until now has conquered me, but now I’ll make it my slave; the fierce fire, the uncontrollable beast, the venomous snake—no—no—I want nothing to do with that love. Tell me, Lionel, do you agree that I should marry this young lady?”

He bent his keen eyes upon me, and my uncontrollable heart swelled in my bosom. I replied in a calm voice—but how far from calm was the thought imaged by my still words—“Never! I can never consent that Lady Idris should be united to one who does not love her.”

He fixed his sharp eyes on me, and my racing heart swelled in my chest. I answered in a steady voice—but how far from calm was the thought behind my composed words—“Never! I can never agree to Lady Idris being with someone who doesn’t love her.”

“Because you love her yourself.”

“Because you love her too.”

“Your Lordship might have spared that taunt; I do not, dare not love her.”

“Your Lordship could have left out that jab; I do not, and cannot love her.”

“At least,” he continued haughtily, “she does not love you. I would not marry a reigning sovereign, were I not sure that her heart was free. But, O, Lionel! a kingdom is a word of might, and gently sounding are the terms that compose the style of royalty. Were not the mightiest men of the olden times kings? Alexander was a king; Solomon, the wisest of men, was a king; Napoleon was a king; Cæsar died in his attempt to become one, and Cromwell, the puritan and king-killer, aspired to regality. The father of Adrian yielded up the already broken sceptre of England; but I will rear the fallen plant, join its dismembered frame, and exalt it above all the flowers of the field.

“At least,” he continued arrogantly, “she doesn’t love you. I wouldn’t marry a reigning monarch unless I was sure her heart was free. But, oh, Lionel! a kingdom is a powerful word, and the terms of royalty sound so appealing. Weren’t the greatest men from ancient times kings? Alexander was a king; Solomon, the wisest of men, was a king; Napoleon was a king; Caesar died trying to become one, and Cromwell, the puritan and king-killer, aimed for royalty. Adrian’s father gave up the already lost crown of England; but I will raise the fallen plant, put its broken pieces together, and elevate it above all the flowers in the field.

“You need not wonder that I freely discover Adrian’s abode. Do not suppose that I am wicked or foolish enough to found my purposed sovereignty on a fraud, and one so easily discovered as the truth or falsehood of the Earl’s insanity. I am just come from him. Before I decided on my marriage with Idris, I resolved to see him myself again, and to judge of the probability of his recovery.—He is irrecoverably mad.”

"You shouldn't be surprised that I'm openly revealing where Adrian lives. Don’t think I’m cruel or foolish enough to base my plans for power on a lie, especially one as easily uncovered as whether the Earl is insane or not. I just came from seeing him. Before I committed to marrying Idris, I wanted to meet with him again and assess the likelihood of his recovery. He's hopelessly insane."

I gasped for breath—

I struggled to breathe—

“I will not detail to you,” continued Raymond, “the melancholy particulars. You shall see him, and judge for yourself; although I fear this visit, useless to him, will be insufferably painful to you. It has weighed on my spirits ever since. Excellent and gentle as he is even in the downfall of his reason, I do not worship him as you do, but I would give all my hopes of a crown and my right hand to boot, to see him restored to himself.”

“I won’t go into detail,” Raymond continued, “about the sad specifics. You’ll see him and judge for yourself; although I worry that this visit, pointless for him, will be unbearably painful for you. It’s been on my mind ever since. As great and kind as he is, even in his madness, I don’t admire him as you do, but I would give up all my hopes for a crown and my right hand too, just to see him back to himself.”

His voice expressed the deepest compassion: “Thou most unaccountable being,” I cried, “whither will thy actions tend, in all this maze of purpose in which thou seemest lost?”

His voice showed the deepest compassion: “You most puzzling being,” I exclaimed, “where will your actions lead in all this maze of purpose where you seem lost?”

“Whither indeed? To a crown, a golden be-gemmed crown, I hope; and yet I dare not trust and though I dream of a crown and wake for one, ever and anon a busy devil whispers to me, that it is but a fool’s cap that I seek, and that were I wise, I should trample on it, and take in its stead, that which is worth all the crowns of the east and presidentships of the west.”

"Where to indeed? To a crown, a golden, jewel-encrusted crown, I hope; and yet I can’t fully trust it and even though I dream of a crown and wake for one, from time to time a nagging doubt tells me that what I'm really after is just a fool's cap, and that if I were wise, I would stomp on it and instead take what is worth more than all the crowns of the east and presidencies of the west."

“And what is that?”

"And what's that?"

“If I do make it my choice, then you shall know; at present I dare not speak, even think of it.”

“If I decide to choose, then you will know; right now I can’t even speak or think about it.”

Again he was silent, and after a pause turned to me laughingly. When scorn did not inspire his mirth, when it was genuine gaiety that painted his features with a joyous expression, his beauty became super-eminent, divine. “Verney,” said he, “my first act when I become King of England, will be to unite with the Greeks, take Constantinople, and subdue all Asia. I intend to be a warrior, a conqueror; Napoleon’s name shall vail to mine; and enthusiasts, instead of visiting his rocky grave, and exalting the merits of the fallen, shall adore my majesty, and magnify my illustrious achievements.”

He was quiet again, and after a moment, he turned to me with a laugh. When scorn didn’t spark his amusement and it was true joy lighting up his face, he looked even more beautiful, almost divine. “Verney,” he said, “the first thing I’ll do when I become King of England is partner with the Greeks, capture Constantinople, and conquer all of Asia. I want to be a warrior, a conqueror; Napoleon’s name will be overshadowed by mine, and instead of visiting his rocky grave and praising the fallen, people will admire my greatness and celebrate my remarkable achievements.”

I listened to Raymond with intense interest. Could I be other than all ear, to one who seemed to govern the whole earth in his grasping imagination, and who only quailed when he attempted to rule himself. Then on his word and will depended my own happiness—the fate of all dear to me. I endeavoured to divine the concealed meaning of his words. Perdita’s name was not mentioned; yet I could not doubt that love for her caused the vacillation of purpose that he exhibited. And who was so worthy of love as my noble-minded sister? Who deserved the hand of this self-exalted king more than she whose glance belonged to a queen of nations? who loved him, as he did her; notwithstanding that disappointment quelled her passion, and ambition held strong combat with his.

I listened to Raymond with great interest. How could I do anything but pay attention to someone who seemed to control the entire world in his vivid imagination, yet only faltered when it came to managing himself? My happiness—and the future of everyone I cared about—depended on his words and decisions. I tried to understand the hidden meaning in what he said. Perdita’s name wasn’t mentioned, but I couldn't ignore that his wavering intentions were influenced by his feelings for her. And who was more deserving of love than my noble sister? Who was more worthy of this self-important king than she, whose gaze was fit for a queen? She loved him just as much as he loved her, despite the fact that disappointment had dampened her feelings, and ambition was in constant conflict with his.

We went together to the House in the evening. Raymond, while he knew that his plans and prospects were to be discussed and decided during the expected debate, was gay and careless. An hum, like that of ten thousand hives of swarming bees, stunned us as we entered the coffee-room. Knots of politicians were assembled with anxious brows and loud or deep voices. The aristocratical party, the richest and most influential men in England, appeared less agitated than the others, for the question was to be discussed without their interference. Near the fire was Ryland and his supporters. Ryland was a man of obscure birth and of immense wealth, inherited from his father, who had been a manufacturer. He had witnessed, when a young man, the abdication of the king, and the amalgamation of the two houses of Lords and Commons; he had sympathized with these popular encroachments, and it had been the business of his life to consolidate and encrease them. Since then, the influence of the landed proprietors had augmented; and at first Ryland was not sorry to observe the machinations of Lord Raymond, which drew off many of his opponent’s partizans. But the thing was now going too far. The poorer nobility hailed the return of sovereignty, as an event which would restore them to their power and rights, now lost. The half extinct spirit of royalty roused itself in the minds of men; and they, willing slaves, self-constituted subjects, were ready to bend their necks to the yoke. Some erect and manly spirits still remained, pillars of state; but the word republic had grown stale to the vulgar ear; and many—the event would prove whether it was a majority— pined for the tinsel and show of royalty. Ryland was roused to resistance; he asserted that his sufferance alone had permitted the encrease of this party; but the time for indulgence was passed, and with one motion of his arm he would sweep away the cobwebs that blinded his countrymen.

We went to the House together in the evening. Raymond, even though he knew that his plans and future were going to be discussed and decided during the upcoming debate, was cheerful and relaxed. A buzzing sound, like that of countless swarming bees, overwhelmed us as we entered the coffee room. Groups of politicians were gathered, looking anxious with furrowed brows and speaking in loud or deep voices. The aristocratic party, which consisted of the richest and most influential men in England, seemed less agitated than the others, since the discussion would happen without their interference. By the fire were Ryland and his supporters. Ryland came from humble beginnings but had inherited immense wealth from his father, a manufacturer. As a young man, he witnessed the king's abdication and the merging of the Houses of Lords and Commons; he had sympathized with these popular movements and made it his life's work to strengthen and expand them. Since then, the power of the landed gentry had increased; initially, Ryland was pleased to see Lord Raymond's tactics siphoning off many of his opponents' supporters. But things had now gone too far. The lesser nobility welcomed the return of sovereignty, seeing it as a chance to regain their lost power and rights. The fading spirit of monarchy stirred once again in people's minds, and they, eager followers, were ready to submit to authority. Some strong, principled individuals still stood firm, pillars of the state; however, the term republic had become stale to the common people, and many—whether they formed a majority would soon be revealed—yearned for the glitter and spectacle of royalty. Ryland was prompted to resist; he claimed that his tolerance had allowed the rise of this faction, but the time for leniency was over, and with a single motion of his arm, he would clear away the illusions that clouded his countrymen's judgment.

When Raymond entered the coffee-room, his presence was hailed by his friends almost with a shout. They gathered round him, counted their numbers, and detailed the reasons why they were now to receive an addition of such and such members, who had not yet declared themselves. Some trifling business of the House having been gone through, the leaders took their seats in the chamber; the clamour of voices continued, till Ryland arose to speak, and then the slightest whispered observation was audible. All eyes were fixed upon him as he stood—ponderous of frame, sonorous of voice, and with a manner which, though not graceful, was impressive. I turned from his marked, iron countenance to Raymond, whose face, veiled by a smile, would not betray his care; yet his lips quivered somewhat, and his hand clasped the bench on which he sat, with a convulsive strength that made the muscles start again.

When Raymond walked into the coffee room, his friends greeted him almost with a shout. They gathered around him, counted the group, and explained why they were going to add a few more members who hadn’t spoken up yet. After handling some minor business for the House, the leaders took their seats in the chamber; the noise kept going until Ryland stood up to speak, at which point you could hear a pin drop. Everyone’s attention was on him as he stood there—heavyset, with a booming voice, and a demeanor that, while not graceful, was definitely commanding. I shifted my gaze from his stern, iron-like face to Raymond, whose smile masked his worry; still, his lips trembled slightly, and his hand gripped the bench he was sitting on with a tightness that made the muscles in his arm visibly tense.

Ryland began by praising the present state of the British empire. He recalled past years to their memory; the miserable contentions which in the time of our fathers arose almost to civil war, the abdication of the late king, and the foundation of the republic. He described this republic; shewed how it gave privilege to each individual in the state, to rise to consequence, and even to temporary sovereignty. He compared the royal and republican spirit; shewed how the one tended to enslave the minds of men; while all the institutions of the other served to raise even the meanest among us to something great and good. He shewed how England had become powerful, and its inhabitants valiant and wise, by means of the freedom they enjoyed. As he spoke, every heart swelled with pride, and every cheek glowed with delight to remember, that each one there was English, and that each supported and contributed to the happy state of things now commemorated. Ryland’s fervour increased—his eyes lighted up—his voice assumed the tone of passion. There was one man, he continued, who wished to alter all this, and bring us back to our days of impotence and contention:—one man, who would dare arrogate the honour which was due to all who claimed England as their birthplace, and set his name and style above the name and style of his country. I saw at this juncture that Raymond changed colour; his eyes were withdrawn from the orator, and cast on the ground; the listeners turned from one to the other; but in the meantime the speaker’s voice filled their ears—the thunder of his denunciations influenced their senses. The very boldness of his language gave him weight; each knew that he spoke truth—a truth known, but not acknowledged. He tore from reality the mask with which she had been clothed; and the purposes of Raymond, which before had crept around, ensnaring by stealth, now stood a hunted stag—even at bay—as all perceived who watched the irrepressible changes of his countenance. Ryland ended by moving, that any attempt to re-erect the kingly power should be declared treason, and he a traitor who should endeavour to change the present form of government. Cheers and loud acclamations followed the close of his speech.

Ryland started by praising the current state of the British Empire. He reminded everyone of the troubled years they had been through; the bitter conflicts that almost led to civil war in their fathers' time, the abdication of the last king, and the establishment of the republic. He described this republic and showed how it allowed each individual in the state to rise in importance and even to temporary leadership. He compared the royal spirit with the republican spirit, showing how one tended to enslave people's minds while the institutions of the other lifted even the lowest among them to something great and good. He illustrated how England had become powerful, and its people brave and wise, thanks to the freedom they enjoyed. As he spoke, every heart swelled with pride, and every cheek flushed with joy at the thought that each person there was English and contributed to the prosperous state they were now celebrating. Ryland’s passion grew—his eyes lit up, and his voice took on an enthusiastic tone. There was one man, he continued, who wanted to change all this and drag them back to their days of weakness and conflict: one man who would dare claim the honor that belonged to all who considered England their home and set his name above that of his country. At this point, I noticed that Raymond changed color; his eyes shifted from the speaker to the ground, and the listeners looked at one another; meanwhile, the speaker's voice filled their ears—the force of his denunciations captivated their senses. The very boldness of his words gave him authority; everyone knew he was speaking the truth—a truth that was recognized but not openly acknowledged. He stripped reality of the mask it wore; and Raymond's intentions, which until then had crept around stealthily, now appeared like a hunted stag—cornered—as all who watched the unmistakable changes in his face could see. Ryland concluded by proposing that any attempt to restore royal power should be labeled treason and that anyone who tried to change the current government should be considered a traitor. Cheers and loud applause erupted at the end of his speech.

After his motion had been seconded, Lord Raymond rose,—his countenance bland, his voice softly melodious, his manner soothing, his grace and sweetness came like the mild breathing of a flute, after the loud, organ-like voice of his adversary. He rose, he said, to speak in favour of the honourable member’s motion, with one slight amendment subjoined. He was ready to go back to old times, and commemorate the contests of our fathers, and the monarch’s abdication. Nobly and greatly, he said, had the illustrious and last sovereign of England sacrificed himself to the apparent good of his country, and divested himself of a power which could only be maintained by the blood of his subjects—these subjects named so no more, these, his friends and equals, had in gratitude conferred certain favours and distinctions on him and his family for ever. An ample estate was allotted to them, and they took the first rank among the peers of Great Britain. Yet it might be conjectured that they had not forgotten their ancient heritage; and it was hard that his heir should suffer alike with any other pretender, if he attempted to regain what by ancient right and inheritance belonged to him. He did not say that he should favour such an attempt; but he did say that such an attempt would be venial; and, if the aspirant did not go so far as to declare war, and erect a standard in the kingdom, his fault ought to be regarded with an indulgent eye. In his amendment he proposed, that an exception should be made in the bill in favour of any person who claimed the sovereign power in right of the earls of Windsor. Nor did Raymond make an end without drawing in vivid and glowing colours, the splendour of a kingdom, in opposition to the commercial spirit of republicanism. He asserted, that each individual under the English monarchy, was then as now, capable of attaining high rank and power—with one only exception, that of the function of chief magistrate; higher and nobler rank, than a bartering, timorous commonwealth could afford. And for this one exception, to what did it amount? The nature of riches and influence forcibly confined the list of candidates to a few of the wealthiest; and it was much to be feared, that the ill-humour and contention generated by this triennial struggle, would counterbalance its advantages in impartial eyes. I can ill record the flow of language and graceful turns of expression, the wit and easy raillery that gave vigour and influence to his speech. His manner, timid at first, became firm—his changeful face was lit up to superhuman brilliancy; his voice, various as music, was like that enchanting.

After his motion was seconded, Lord Raymond stood up—with a calm expression, a softly melodious voice, and a soothing manner. His grace and sweetness came across like the gentle sound of a flute after the loud, organ-like voice of his opponent. He stood to speak in favor of the honorable member’s motion, with one slight amendment added. He was ready to revisit the past and remember the struggles of our ancestors and the monarch’s abdication. He stated that the illustrious and final sovereign of England had nobly sacrificed himself for the apparent good of his country, giving up a power that could only be held through the blood of his subjects—now referred to no more as subjects, but as friends and equals who, out of gratitude, had granted certain favors and honors to him and his family forever. A substantial estate was assigned to them, and they held a top position among the peers of Great Britain. Yet, it could be assumed that they hadn’t forgotten their ancient heritage, and it was unfair that his heir should suffer alongside other claimants if he sought to reclaim what rightfully belonged to him. He wasn’t suggesting that he supported such an attempt; rather, he stated that such an attempt would be forgivable, and if the claimant didn’t go so far as to declare war and raise a standard in the kingdom, his fault should be viewed with leniency. In his amendment, he proposed that an exception be made in the bill for anyone claiming sovereign power as the earls of Windsor. Furthermore, Raymond concluded by vividly illustrating the splendor of a kingdom in contrast to the commercial spirit of republicanism. He claimed that every individual under the English monarchy was then, as now, capable of attaining high rank and power—with one exception, the role of chief magistrate; a higher and nobler rank than what a trading, cautious commonwealth could offer. And what did this one exception amount to? The nature of wealth and influence greatly limited the list of candidates to just a few of the richest, and it was concerning that the resentment and conflict created by this three-year struggle would outweigh its benefits in the eyes of impartial observers. It’s hard to capture the eloquence and elegant expressions, the wit and lighthearted banter that gave strength and impact to his speech. His initially timid demeanor became more assertive—his ever-changing face shone with an almost superhuman brilliance; his voice, as varied as music, was truly enchanting.

It were useless to record the debate that followed this harangue. Party speeches were delivered, which clothed the question in cant, and veiled its simple meaning in a woven wind of words. The motion was lost; Ryland withdrew in rage and despair; and Raymond, gay and exulting, retired to dream of his future kingdom.

It was pointless to document the argument that followed this speech. Political speeches were made, which dressed up the issue in empty phrases and obscured its straightforward meaning in a tangled mess of words. The motion was defeated; Ryland left in anger and despair; and Raymond, cheerful and triumphant, went off to imagine his future reign.

CHAPTER IV.

Is there such a feeling as love at first sight? And if there be, in what does its nature differ from love founded in long observation and slow growth? Perhaps its effects are not so permanent; but they are, while they last, as violent and intense. We walk the pathless mazes of society, vacant of joy, till we hold this clue, leading us through that labyrinth to paradise. Our nature dim, like to an unlighted torch, sleeps in formless blank till the fire attain it; this life of life, this light to moon, and glory to the sun. What does it matter, whether the fire be struck from flint and steel, nourished with care into a flame, slowly communicated to the dark wick, or whether swiftly the radiant power of light and warmth passes from a kindred power, and shines at once the beacon and the hope. In the deepest fountain of my heart the pulses were stirred; around, above, beneath, the clinging Memory as a cloak enwrapt me. In no one moment of coming time did I feel as I had done in time gone by. The spirit of Idris hovered in the air I breathed; her eyes were ever and for ever bent on mine; her remembered smile blinded my faint gaze, and caused me to walk as one, not in eclipse, not in darkness and vacancy—but in a new and brilliant light, too novel, too dazzling for my human senses. On every leaf, on every small division of the universe, (as on the hyacinth ας is engraved) was imprinted the talisman of my existence—SHE LIVES! SHE IS! —I had not time yet to analyze my feeling, to take myself to task, and leash in the tameless passion; all was one idea, one feeling, one knowledge —it was my life!

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? And if there is, how does it differ from love that develops through long observation and slow growth? Maybe its effects aren’t as lasting, but while they last, they’re just as intense and powerful. We wander through the confusing twists of society, void of joy, until we find this clue that guides us through the maze to paradise. Our true nature, like an unlit torch, lies dormant in a blank state until a flame ignites it; this life of life, this light to the moon, and glory to the sun. Does it really matter whether the fire is sparked from flint and steel, carefully nurtured into a flame, gradually transferred to a dark wick, or if the powerful force of light and warmth swiftly moves from one source to another, instantly shining like a beacon and a hope? Deep in my heart, I felt a stir; around me, above me, below me, Memory wrapped around me like a cloak. In no moment to come did I feel as I had in the past. The spirit of Idris lingered in the air I breathed; her eyes were always fixed on mine; her remembered smile blinded my faint gaze and made me walk as one, not in shadow, not in emptiness—but in a bright new light, too fresh, too overwhelming for my human senses. On every leaf, in every tiny corner of the universe, (just like on the hyacinth, ας is engraved) was stamped the mark of my existence—SHE LIVES! SHE IS! —I hadn’t yet taken the time to analyze my feelings, to challenge myself and contain the wild passion; it was all one idea, one feeling, one awareness—it was my life!

But the die was cast—Raymond would marry Idris. The merry marriage bells rung in my ears; I heard the nation’s gratulation which followed the union; the ambitious noble uprose with swift eagle-flight, from the lowly ground to regal supremacy—and to the love of Idris. Yet, not so! She did not love him; she had called me her friend; she had smiled on me; to me she had entrusted her heart’s dearest hope, the welfare of Adrian. This reflection thawed my congealing blood, and again the tide of life and love flowed impetuously onward, again to ebb as my busy thoughts changed.

But the decision was made—Raymond would marry Idris. The joyful wedding bells rang in my ears; I heard the nation’s cheers that followed their union; the ambitious noble soared swiftly from humble beginnings to royal status—and to Idris's love. But that wasn’t true! She didn’t love him; she had called me her friend; she had smiled at me; she had shared with me her heart’s deepest wish, the well-being of Adrian. This thought warmed my frozen emotions, and once again, the tide of life and love surged forward, only to recede as my busy thoughts shifted.

The debate had ended at three in the morning. My soul was in tumults; I traversed the streets with eager rapidity. Truly, I was mad that night— love—which I have named a giant from its birth, wrestled with despair! My heart, the field of combat, was wounded by the iron heel of the one, watered by the gushing tears of the other. Day, hateful to me, dawned; I retreated to my lodgings—I threw myself on a couch—I slept—was it sleep?—for thought was still alive—love and despair struggled still, and I writhed with unendurable pain.

The debate wrapped up at three in the morning. My emotions were all over the place; I rushed through the streets with intense urgency. Honestly, I felt crazy that night—love, which I’ve always seen as a giant, fought against despair! My heart, the battleground, was hurt by the harshness of one and filled with the tears of the other. Daylight, which I hated, broke; I went back to my place—I collapsed on a couch—I slept—was it really sleep?—because my thoughts were still buzzing—love and despair were still fighting, and I thrashed in unbearable pain.

I awoke half stupefied; I felt a heavy oppression on me, but knew not wherefore; I entered, as it were, the council-chamber of my brain, and questioned the various ministers of thought therein assembled; too soon I remembered all; too soon my limbs quivered beneath the tormenting power; soon, too soon, I knew myself a slave!

I woke up feeling dazed; I felt a heavy weight on me, but I didn’t know why. I stepped into the council chamber of my mind and questioned the various thoughts gathered there; it didn't take long for me to remember everything. It didn’t take long for my body to tremble under the overwhelming force; soon, too soon, I realized I was a slave!

Suddenly, unannounced, Lord Raymond entered my apartment. He came in gaily, singing the Tyrolese song of liberty; noticed me with a gracious nod, and threw himself on a sopha opposite the copy of a bust of the Apollo Belvidere. After one or two trivial remarks, to which I sullenly replied, he suddenly cried, looking at the bust, “I am called like that victor! Not a bad idea; the head will serve for my new coinage, and be an omen to all dutiful subjects of my future success.”

Suddenly, without warning, Lord Raymond walked into my apartment. He came in cheerfully, singing the Tyrolean song of freedom; noticed me with a friendly nod, and flopped down on a sofa across from the replica of the Apollo Belvedere bust. After a couple of casual comments, to which I replied grumpily, he suddenly exclaimed, looking at the bust, “I’m named after that victor! Not a bad idea; the head will be perfect for my new coins, and it’ll be a sign of my future success to all loyal subjects.”

He said this in his most gay, yet benevolent manner, and smiled, not disdainfully, but in playful mockery of himself. Then his countenance suddenly darkened, and in that shrill tone peculiar to himself, he cried, “I fought a good battle last night; higher conquest the plains of Greece never saw me achieve. Now I am the first man in the state, burthen of every ballad, and object of old women’s mumbled devotions. What are your meditations? You, who fancy that you can read the human soul, as your native lake reads each crevice and folding of its surrounding hills—say what you think of me; king-expectant, angel or devil, which?”

He said this in his most cheerful yet kind way, smiling not with disdain, but with playful self-mockery. Then his expression suddenly changed, and in that high-pitched tone unique to him, he exclaimed, “I fought a good battle last night; no greater victory has the plains of Greece ever seen me achieve. Now I am the most important person in the state, the subject of every ballad, and the focus of old women’s whispered prayers. What are you thinking? You, who believe you can read the human soul like your hometown lake reflects every fold and crevice of the surrounding hills—tell me what you think of me; future king, angel, or devil?”

This ironical tone was discord to my bursting, over-boiling-heart; I was nettled by his insolence, and replied with bitterness; “There is a spirit, neither angel or devil, damned to limbo merely.” I saw his cheeks become pale, and his lips whiten and quiver; his anger served but to enkindle mine, and I answered with a determined look his eyes which glared on me; suddenly they were withdrawn, cast down, a tear, I thought, wetted the dark lashes; I was softened, and with involuntary emotion added, “Not that you are such, my dear lord.”

This sarcastic tone clashed with my overflowing heart; his arrogance irritated me, and I responded bitterly, “There’s a spirit, neither angel nor devil, simply condemned to limbo.” I noticed his cheeks turn pale, his lips turn white and tremble; his anger only fueled my own, and I met his piercing gaze with a determined look. Suddenly, he looked away, his eyes cast down, and I thought I saw a tear wet his dark lashes; I felt softened and, with unexpected emotion, added, “Not that you’re like that, my dear lord.”

I paused, even awed by the agitation he evinced; “Yes,” he said at length, rising and biting his lip, as he strove to curb his passion; “Such am I! You do not know me, Verney; neither you, nor our audience of last night, nor does universal England know aught of me. I stand here, it would seem, an elected king; this hand is about to grasp a sceptre; these brows feel in each nerve the coming diadem. I appear to have strength, power, victory; standing as a dome-supporting column stands; and I am—a reed! I have ambition, and that attains its aim; my nightly dreams are realized, my waking hopes fulfilled; a kingdom awaits my acceptance, my enemies are overthrown. But here,” and he struck his heart with violence, “here is the rebel, here the stumbling-block; this over-ruling heart, which I may drain of its living blood; but, while one fluttering pulsation remains, I am its slave.”

I paused, taken aback by the agitation he showed; “Yes,” he finally said, standing up and biting his lip as he tried to control his emotions; “This is who I am! You don’t really know me, Verney; neither you, nor the audience from last night, nor does all of England know anything about me. I stand here, apparently a chosen king; this hand is about to take hold of a scepter; I can feel the crown coming in every nerve of my body. I look strong, powerful, and victorious; standing like a column holding up a dome; and yet I am—a reed! I have ambition, and it’s reaching its goals; my dreams at night are coming true, my hopes in the daytime are being realized; a kingdom is waiting for me to accept it, my enemies are defeated. But here,” and he struck his chest forcefully, “here is the rebel, here is the obstacle; this defiant heart, which I could drain of its lifeblood; but as long as a single pulse beats, I am its prisoner.”

He spoke with a broken voice, then bowed his head, and, hiding his face in his hands, wept. I was still smarting from my own disappointment; yet this scene oppressed me even to terror, nor could I interrupt his access of passion. It subsided at length; and, throwing himself on the couch, he remained silent and motionless, except that his changeful features shewed a strong internal conflict. At last he rose, and said in his usual tone of voice, “The time grows on us, Verney, I must away. Let me not forget my chiefest errand here. Will you accompany me to Windsor to-morrow? You will not be dishonoured by my society, and as this is probably the last service, or disservice you can do me, will you grant my request?”

He spoke in a shaky voice, then bowed his head and, hiding his face in his hands, cried. I was still hurting from my own disappointment; yet this scene weighed heavily on me, almost to the point of panic, and I couldn't interrupt his moment of emotion. Eventually, it faded, and he threw himself onto the couch, remaining silent and still, except for the turmoil on his face that showed a deep internal struggle. Finally, he got up and said in his usual voice, “Time is passing, Verney, I have to go. Let me not forget my main reason for being here. Will you come with me to Windsor tomorrow? You won’t be embarrassed by my company, and since this might be the last favor, or disfavor, you can do for me, will you please grant my request?”

He held out his hand with almost a bashful air. Swiftly I thought—Yes, I will witness the last scene of the drama. Beside which, his mien conquered me, and an affectionate sentiment towards him, again filled my heart—I bade him command me. “Aye, that I will,” said he gaily, “that’s my cue now; be with me to-morrow morning by seven; be secret and faithful; and you shall be groom of the stole ere long.”

He extended his hand with a somewhat shy demeanor. I quickly thought—Yes, I want to see the final act of the drama. Plus, his attitude won me over, and once again, I felt a warm affection for him—I told him to give me orders. “Sure, I will,” he said cheerfully, “that’s my cue now; be with me tomorrow morning by seven; be discreet and loyal; and you’ll soon be the groom of the stole.”

So saying, he hastened away, vaulted on his horse, and with a gesture as if he gave me his hand to kiss, bade me another laughing adieu. Left to myself, I strove with painful intensity to divine the motive of his request and foresee the events of the coming day. The hours passed on unperceived; my head ached with thought, the nerves seemed teeming with the over full fraught—I clasped my burning brow, as if my fevered hand could medicine its pain. I was punctual to the appointed hour on the following day, and found Lord Raymond waiting for me. We got into his carriage, and proceeded towards Windsor. I had tutored myself, and was resolved by no outward sign to disclose my internal agitation.

So saying, he hurried off, jumped onto his horse, and with a gesture that seemed like he was giving me his hand to kiss, he waved me a playful goodbye. Left alone, I struggled hard to figure out the reason behind his request and predict what would happen the next day. The hours passed without me noticing; my head throbbed from overthinking, and my nerves felt overwhelmed—I pressed my burning forehead, as if my hot hand could ease the pain. I arrived right on time the next day and found Lord Raymond waiting for me. We got into his carriage and headed towards Windsor. I had prepared myself and was determined not to show any signs of my inner turmoil.

“What a mistake Ryland made,” said Raymond, “when he thought to overpower me the other night. He spoke well, very well; such an harangue would have succeeded better addressed to me singly, than to the fools and knaves assembled yonder. Had I been alone, I should have listened to him with a wish to hear reason, but when he endeavoured to vanquish me in my own territory, with my own weapons, he put me on my mettle, and the event was such as all might have expected.”

“What a mistake Ryland made,” said Raymond, “when he tried to overpower me the other night. He spoke really well; that speech would have worked better if he had addressed me alone than to the fools and deceivers gathered over there. If I had been by myself, I would have listened to him willing to hear some reason, but when he tried to take me down in my own territory with my own tactics, he challenged me, and the outcome was exactly what everyone could have expected.”

I smiled incredulously, and replied: “I am of Ryland’s way of thinking, and will, if you please, repeat all his arguments; we shall see how far you will be induced by them, to change the royal for the patriotic style.”

I smiled in disbelief and said, “I agree with Ryland's way of thinking, and if you don’t mind, I’ll repeat all of his arguments; let’s see how far you’ll be convinced to swap the royal style for the patriotic one.”

“The repetition would be useless,” said Raymond, “since I well remember them, and have many others, self-suggested, which speak with unanswerable persuasion.”

“The repetition would be pointless,” said Raymond, “since I clearly remember them, and have many others, self-suggested, that speak with undeniable persuasion.”

He did not explain himself, nor did I make any remark on his reply. Our silence endured for some miles, till the country with open fields, or shady woods and parks, presented pleasant objects to our view. After some observations on the scenery and seats, Raymond said: “Philosophers have called man a microcosm of nature, and find a reflection in the internal mind for all this machinery visibly at work around us. This theory has often been a source of amusement to me; and many an idle hour have I spent, exercising my ingenuity in finding resemblances. Does not Lord Bacon say that, ‘the falling from a discord to a concord, which maketh great sweetness in music, hath an agreement with the affections, which are re-integrated to the better after some dislikes?’ What a sea is the tide of passion, whose fountains are in our own nature! Our virtues are the quick-sands, which shew themselves at calm and low water; but let the waves arise and the winds buffet them, and the poor devil whose hope was in their durability, finds them sink from under him. The fashions of the world, its exigencies, educations and pursuits, are winds to drive our wills, like clouds all one way; but let a thunderstorm arise in the shape of love, hate, or ambition, and the rack goes backward, stemming the opposing air in triumph.”

He didn't explain himself, and I didn't comment on his response. Our silence lasted for a few miles until the open fields, shady woods, and parks around us offered pleasant sights. After making a few comments about the scenery, Raymond said, “Philosophers have called man a microcosm of nature and see a reflection in our minds of all the machinery visibly at work around us. This idea has often amused me, and I've spent many idle hours trying to find connections. Doesn't Lord Bacon say that ‘the shift from discord to concord, which creates great sweetness in music, relates to the feelings, which are restored to a better state after some disagreements?’ What a sea of passion we have, with its sources in our own nature! Our virtues are like quicksand, visible only when the water is calm and low; but when the waves rise and the winds stir, the poor person who hoped they would last finds them sinking beneath him. The trends of the world, its demands, education, and goals are like winds pushing our wills in one direction; but when a storm hits in the form of love, hate, or ambition, everything can suddenly shift and go against the current.”

“Yet,” replied I, “nature always presents to our eyes the appearance of a patient: while there is an active principle in man which is capable of ruling fortune, and at least of tacking against the gale, till it in some mode conquers it.”

“Yet,” I replied, “nature always shows us the appearance of a patient person: while there’s an active principle in humans that can control fortune, and at least can sail against the wind, until it somehow overcomes it.”

“There is more of what is specious than true in your distinction,” said my companion. “Did we form ourselves, choosing our dispositions, and our powers? I find myself, for one, as a stringed instrument with chords and stops—but I have no power to turn the pegs, or pitch my thoughts to a higher or lower key.”

“There’s more that’s misleading than true in your distinction,” said my companion. “Did we create ourselves, picking our traits and abilities? I see myself, for one, as a string instrument with strings and stops—but I have no ability to adjust the pegs or change my thoughts to a higher or lower pitch.”

“Other men,” I observed, “may be better musicians.”

“Other guys,” I noticed, “might be better musicians.”

“I talk not of others, but myself,” replied Raymond, “and I am as fair an example to go by as another. I cannot set my heart to a particular tune, or run voluntary changes on my will. We are born; we choose neither our parents, nor our station; we are educated by others, or by the world’s circumstance, and this cultivation, mingling with our innate disposition, is the soil in which our desires, passions, and motives grow.”

“I’m not talking about others, but about myself,” replied Raymond. “And I’m just as good of an example as anyone else. I can’t make my heart follow a specific tune or change my mind on a whim. We’re born into this world; we don’t choose our parents or our circumstances. We’re shaped by others or by the world around us, and this upbringing, combined with our natural tendencies, is the ground where our desires, passions, and motivations develop.”

“There is much truth in what you say,” said I, “and yet no man ever acts upon this theory. Who, when he makes a choice, says, Thus I choose, because I am necessitated? Does he not on the contrary feel a freedom of will within him, which, though you may call it fallacious, still actuates him as he decides?”

“There’s a lot of truth in what you’re saying,” I replied, “but no one ever actually lives by this theory. Who, when making a choice, says, 'I’m choosing this because I have to'? Don’t they instead feel a sense of freedom in their will, which, even if you call it misleading, still drives them when they decide?”

“Exactly so,” replied Raymond, “another link of the breakless chain. Were I now to commit an act which would annihilate my hopes, and pluck the regal garment from my mortal limbs, to clothe them in ordinary weeds, would this, think you, be an act of free-will on my part?”

“Exactly,” replied Raymond, “another link in the unbreakable chain. If I were to do something that would destroy my hopes and strip away my royal status to dress in plain clothes, do you think that would be an act of free will on my part?”

As we talked thus, I perceived that we were not going the ordinary road to Windsor, but through Englefield Green, towards Bishopgate Heath. I began to divine that Idris was not the object of our journey, but that I was brought to witness the scene that was to decide the fate of Raymond—and of Perdita. Raymond had evidently vacillated during his journey, and irresolution was marked in every gesture as we entered Perdita’s cottage. I watched him curiously, determined that, if this hesitation should continue, I would assist Perdita to overcome herself, and teach her to disdain the wavering love of him, who balanced between the possession of a crown, and of her, whose excellence and affection transcended the worth of a kingdom.

As we talked, I noticed we weren't taking the usual road to Windsor but instead were going through Englefield Green, heading toward Bishopgate Heath. I started to realize that Idris wasn't the purpose of our journey; I was there to witness the event that would determine the fate of Raymond—and Perdita. Raymond clearly struggled with uncertainty during the trip, and his hesitation showed in every move as we entered Perdita’s cottage. I watched him intently, deciding that if this indecision continued, I would help Perdita find her strength and teach her to reject the uncertain love of someone who was torn between a crown and her, whose qualities and love were worth far more than a kingdom.

We found her in her flower-adorned alcove; she was reading the newspaper report of the debate in parliament, that apparently doomed her to hopelessness. That heart-sinking feeling was painted in her sunk eyes and spiritless attitude; a cloud was on her beauty, and frequent sighs were tokens of her distress. This sight had an instantaneous effect on Raymond; his eyes beamed with tenderness, and remorse clothed his manners with earnestness and truth. He sat beside her; and, taking the paper from her hand, said, “Not a word more shall my sweet Perdita read of this contention of madmen and fools. I must not permit you to be acquainted with the extent of my delusion, lest you despise me; although, believe me, a wish to appear before you, not vanquished, but as a conqueror, inspired me during my wordy war.”

We found her in her flower-filled nook; she was reading the newspaper report about the debate in parliament, which seemingly left her feeling hopeless. That sinking feeling was visible in her downcast eyes and lifeless demeanor; a shadow hung over her beauty, and her frequent sighs were signs of her distress. This sight instantly affected Raymond; his eyes shone with kindness, and his regret made him earnest and sincere. He sat next to her and, taking the paper from her hand, said, “Not one more word shall my dear Perdita read about this argument of madmen and fools. I can’t let you see how deep my delusion runs, or you might look down on me; though, believe me, a desire to stand before you, not defeated but as a victor, drove me during my verbal battle.”

Perdita looked at him like one amazed; her expressive countenance shone for a moment with tenderness; to see him only was happiness. But a bitter thought swiftly shadowed her joy; she bent her eyes on the ground, endeavouring to master the passion of tears that threatened to overwhelm her. Raymond continued, “I will not act a part with you, dear girl, or appear other than what I am, weak and unworthy, more fit to excite your disdain than your love. Yet you do love me; I feel and know that you do, and thence I draw my most cherished hopes. If pride guided you, or even reason, you might well reject me. Do so; if your high heart, incapable of my infirmity of purpose, refuses to bend to the lowness of mine. Turn from me, if you will,—if you can. If your whole soul does not urge you to forgive me—if your entire heart does not open wide its door to admit me to its very centre, forsake me, never speak to me again. I, though sinning against you almost beyond remission, I also am proud; there must be no reserve in your pardon—no drawback to the gift of your affection.”

Perdita looked at him in shock; her expressive face briefly radiated warmth—just seeing him was enough happiness. But a painful thought quickly clouded her joy; she lowered her eyes to the ground, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. Raymond continued, “I won’t pretend with you, dear girl, or act like I'm anything other than what I am, weak and unworthy, more likely to earn your disdain than your love. Yet you do love me; I can feel it and know it, and that gives me my greatest hopes. If pride or reason guided you, you could easily turn me down. Go ahead; if your noble heart, which can't handle my weaknesses, refuses to accept me, turn away from me if you want to—if you can. If your whole being doesn’t push you to forgive me—if your heart doesn’t fully open to let me in—then leave me, and never speak to me again. Even though I’ve wronged you almost beyond forgiveness, I too have pride; your forgiveness shouldn’t come with any conditions—there should be no limits to your love for me.”

Perdita looked down, confused, yet pleased. My presence embarrassed her; so that she dared not turn to meet her lover’s eye, or trust her voice to assure him of her affection; while a blush mantled her cheek, and her disconsolate air was exchanged for one expressive of deep-felt joy. Raymond encircled her waist with his arm, and continued, “I do not deny that I have balanced between you and the highest hope that mortal men can entertain; but I do so no longer. Take me—mould me to your will, possess my heart and soul to all eternity. If you refuse to contribute to my happiness, I quit England to-night, and will never set foot in it again.

Perdita looked down, feeling confused but also happy. My presence made her embarrassed; she couldn’t bring herself to meet her lover’s gaze or trust her voice to express her feelings for him. A blush spread across her cheek, and her sad demeanor shifted to one filled with genuine joy. Raymond wrapped his arm around her waist and continued, “I won’t deny that I’ve weighed my feelings between you and the highest dreams any man can have; but that’s no longer the case. Take me—shape me to your desires, own my heart and soul forever. If you choose not to help me find happiness, I’ll leave England tonight and never come back.”

“Lionel, you hear: witness for me: persuade your sister to forgive the injury I have done her; persuade her to be mine.”

“Lionel, listen to me: be my witness: convince your sister to forgive the hurt I’ve caused her; encourage her to be with me.”

“There needs no persuasion,” said the blushing Perdita, “except your own dear promises, and my ready heart, which whispers to me that they are true.”

“There’s no need for persuasion,” said the blushing Perdita, “except for your sweet promises and my open heart, which tells me that they are true.”

That same evening we all three walked together in the forest, and, with the garrulity which happiness inspires, they detailed to me the history of their loves. It was pleasant to see the haughty Raymond and reserved Perdita changed through happy love into prattling, playful children, both losing their characteristic dignity in the fulness of mutual contentment. A night or two ago Lord Raymond, with a brow of care, and a heart oppressed with thought, bent all his energies to silence or persuade the legislators of England that a sceptre was not too weighty for his hand, while visions of dominion, war, and triumph floated before him; now, frolicsome as a lively boy sporting under his mother’s approving eye, the hopes of his ambition were complete, when he pressed the small fair hand of Perdita to his lips; while she, radiant with delight, looked on the still pool, not truly admiring herself, but drinking in with rapture the reflection there made of the form of herself and her lover, shewn for the first time in dear conjunction.

That same evening, the three of us walked together in the forest, and, with the talkativeness that happiness brings, they shared the story of their love. It was delightful to see the proud Raymond and the reserved Perdita transformed by their joyful love into playful, chatty kids, both shedding their usual dignity in the fullness of their shared happiness. A night or two ago, Lord Raymond, with a worried brow and a heavy heart, was focused on convincing the lawmakers of England that a crown wasn’t too heavy for him, while visions of power, war, and victory floated in his mind; now, as playful as a cheerful boy under his mother’s watchful eye, all his ambitions came to fruition when he kissed Perdita's small, lovely hand. She, glowing with joy, gazed at the still water, not really admiring herself but joyfully soaking in the reflection of herself and her lover, shown together for the first time.

I rambled away from them. If the rapture of assured sympathy was theirs, I enjoyed that of restored hope. I looked on the regal towers of Windsor. High is the wall and strong the barrier that separate me from my Star of Beauty. But not impassible. She will not be his. A few more years dwell in thy native garden, sweet flower, till I by toil and time acquire a right to gather thee. Despair not, nor bid me despair! What must I do now? First I must seek Adrian, and restore him to her. Patience, gentleness, and untired affection, shall recall him, if it be true, as Raymond says, that he is mad; energy and courage shall rescue him, if he be unjustly imprisoned.

I wandered away from them. While they basked in the joy of shared understanding, I was filled with renewed hope. I gazed at the majestic towers of Windsor. The wall is high and the barrier strong that separates me from my Beauty. But it’s not impossible to cross. She won’t belong to him. Stay in your native garden a little longer, sweet flower, until I work hard and earn the right to have you. Don’t lose hope, and don’t make me lose hope! What should I do now? First, I need to find Adrian and bring him back to her. Patience, kindness, and endless love will bring him back if it’s true, as Raymond says, that he’s lost his mind; courage and determination will free him if he’s being wrongfully held.

After the lovers again joined me, we supped together in the alcove. Truly it was a fairy’s supper; for though the air was perfumed by the scent of fruits and wine, we none of us either ate or drank—even the beauty of the night was unobserved; their extasy could not be increased by outward objects, and I was wrapt in reverie. At about midnight Raymond and I took leave of my sister, to return to town. He was all gaiety; scraps of songs fell from his lips; every thought of his mind—every object about us, gleamed under the sunshine of his mirth. He accused me of melancholy, of ill-humour and envy.

After the lovers joined me again, we had dinner together in the alcove. It truly felt like a fairy tale supper; even though the air was filled with the scent of fruits and wine, none of us ate or drank—even the beauty of the night went unnoticed; their ecstasy couldn't be enhanced by anything around us, and I was lost in thought. Around midnight, Raymond and I said goodbye to my sister to head back to town. He was full of joy; snippets of songs escaped his lips; everything on his mind—everything around us sparkled in the light of his happiness. He called me out for being melancholic, grumpy, and envious.

“Not so,” said I, “though I confess that my thoughts are not occupied as pleasantly as yours are. You promised to facilitate my visit to Adrian; I conjure you to perform your promise. I cannot linger here; I long to soothe —perhaps to cure the malady of my first and best friend. I shall immediately depart for Dunkeld.”

"Not quite," I said, "though I admit that my thoughts aren't as enjoyable as yours. You promised to help me visit Adrian; I urge you to keep your promise. I can't stay here; I really want to comfort — maybe even heal — the sickness of my first and closest friend. I will leave for Dunkeld right away."

“Thou bird of night,” replied Raymond, “what an eclipse do you throw across my bright thoughts, forcing me to call to mind that melancholy ruin, which stands in mental desolation, more irreparable than a fragment of a carved column in a weed-grown field. You dream that you can restore him? Daedalus never wound so inextricable an error round Minotaur, as madness has woven about his imprisoned reason. Nor you, nor any other Theseus, can thread the labyrinth, to which perhaps some unkind Ariadne has the clue.”

"Night bird," Raymond replied, "what an eclipse you cast over my bright thoughts, making me think of that sad ruin, which stands in mental desolation, more irreparable than a broken column in a weed-filled field. Do you think you can bring him back? Daedalus never tangled Minotaur in such a complex error as madness has wrapped around his trapped mind. Neither you nor any other Theseus can navigate the labyrinth, to which perhaps some cruel Ariadne holds the key."

“You allude to Evadne Zaimi: but she is not in England.”

“You're referring to Evadne Zaimi, but she’s not in England.”

“And were she,” said Raymond, “I would not advise her seeing him. Better to decay in absolute delirium, than to be the victim of the methodical unreason of ill-bestowed love. The long duration of his malady has probably erased from his mind all vestige of her; and it were well that it should never again be imprinted. You will find him at Dunkeld; gentle and tractable he wanders up the hills, and through the wood, or sits listening beside the waterfall. You may see him—his hair stuck with wild flowers —his eyes full of untraceable meaning—his voice broken—his person wasted to a shadow. He plucks flowers and weeds, and weaves chaplets of them, or sails yellow leaves and bits of bark on the stream, rejoicing in their safety, or weeping at their wreck. The very memory half unmans me. By Heaven! the first tears I have shed since boyhood rushed scalding into my eyes when I saw him.”

“And if she were,” Raymond said, “I wouldn’t recommend she see him. It’s better to suffer in complete madness than to fall victim to the methodical craziness of misplaced love. The long duration of his illness has probably wiped any trace of her from his mind, and it would be best if it never returned. You’ll find him at Dunkeld; he wanders gently and easily through the hills and the woods, or sits listening by the waterfall. You might see him—his hair tangled with wildflowers—his eyes filled with a mysterious depth—his voice cracked—his body thin and ghost-like. He picks flowers and weeds, weaving them into garlands, or sends yellow leaves and bits of bark floating down the stream, either delighting in their safety or mourning their loss. Just remembering it almost breaks me. By heaven! the first tears I’ve shed since I was a boy rushed into my eyes, burning hot, when I saw him.”

It needed not this last account to spur me on to visit him. I only doubted whether or not I should endeavour to see Idris again, before I departed. This doubt was decided on the following day. Early in the morning Raymond came to me; intelligence had arrived that Adrian was dangerously ill, and it appeared impossible that his failing strength should surmount the disorder. “To-morrow,” said Raymond, “his mother and sister set out for Scotland to see him once again.”

I didn’t need this last update to motivate me to visit him. I was just unsure whether I should try to see Idris again before I left. That uncertainty was resolved the next day. Early in the morning, Raymond came to me; news had come that Adrian was seriously ill, and it seemed unlikely that he would overcome his condition. “Tomorrow,” said Raymond, “his mother and sister are heading to Scotland to see him one last time.”

“And I go to-day,” I cried; “this very hour I will engage a sailing balloon; I shall be there in forty-eight hours at furthest, perhaps in less, if the wind is fair. Farewell, Raymond; be happy in having chosen the better part in life. This turn of fortune revives me. I feared madness, not sickness—I have a presentiment that Adrian will not die; perhaps this illness is a crisis, and he may recover.”

“And I'm going today,” I said; “this very hour I will book a hot air balloon; I’ll be there in no more than forty-eight hours, maybe even sooner if the wind is right. Goodbye, Raymond; I hope you find happiness in choosing the better path in life. This change in luck lifts my spirits. I was worried about going mad, not about being sick—I have a feeling that Adrian won’t die; maybe this illness is a turning point, and he could get better.”

Everything favoured my journey. The balloon rose about half a mile from the earth, and with a favourable wind it hurried through the air, its feathered vans cleaving the unopposing atmosphere. Notwithstanding the melancholy object of my journey, my spirits were exhilarated by reviving hope, by the swift motion of the airy pinnace, and the balmy visitation of the sunny air. The pilot hardly moved the plumed steerage, and the slender mechanism of the wings, wide unfurled, gave forth a murmuring noise, soothing to the sense. Plain and hill, stream and corn-field, were discernible below, while we unimpeded sped on swift and secure, as a wild swan in his spring-tide flight. The machine obeyed the slightest motion of the helm; and, the wind blowing steadily, there was no let or obstacle to our course. Such was the power of man over the elements; a power long sought, and lately won; yet foretold in by-gone time by the prince of poets, whose verses I quoted much to the astonishment of my pilot, when I told him how many hundred years ago they had been written:—

Everything favored my journey. The balloon rose about half a mile into the sky, and with a favorable wind, it sped through the air, its feathered wings slicing through the calm atmosphere. Despite the sad purpose of my journey, I felt uplifted by renewed hope, the swift movement of the light craft, and the refreshing touch of the warm air. The pilot barely moved the feathered controls, and the delicate structure of the wings, fully spread, produced a soft sound that was pleasing to the senses. The landscape below was clear, with plain and hill, stream and cornfield all visible, as we traveled swiftly and safely, like a wild swan in its spring flight. The machine responded to the slightest shift of the helm; with the wind blowing steadily, there were no delays or obstacles in our path. Such was humanity's power over the elements; a power long sought after and recently achieved; yet predicted long ago by the prince of poets, whose verses I quoted, greatly surprising my pilot when I mentioned how many hundreds of years ago they were written:—

Oh! human wit, thou can’st invent much ill,
Thou searchest strange arts: who would think by skill,
An heavy man like a light bird should stray,
And through the empty heavens find a way?

Oh! human intelligence, you can invent so much trouble,
You explore strange methods: who would think that with skill,
A heavy man could wander like a light bird,
And navigate through the empty sky?

I alighted at Perth; and, though much fatigued by a constant exposure to the air for many hours, I would not rest, but merely altering my mode of conveyance, I went by land instead of air, to Dunkeld. The sun was rising as I entered the opening of the hills. After the revolution of ages Birnam hill was again covered with a young forest, while more aged pines, planted at the very commencement of the nineteenth century by the then Duke of Athol, gave solemnity and beauty to the scene. The rising sun first tinged the pine tops; and my mind, rendered through my mountain education deeply susceptible of the graces of nature, and now on the eve of again beholding my beloved and perhaps dying friend, was strangely influenced by the sight of those distant beams: surely they were ominous, and as such I regarded them, good omens for Adrian, on whose life my happiness depended.

I got off at Perth; and, although I was really tired from being outside for so many hours, I didn’t rest. Instead, I just switched my mode of transport and traveled by land instead of air to Dunkeld. The sun was rising as I entered the hills. After many years, Birnam Hill was once again covered with a young forest, while older pines, planted at the start of the nineteenth century by the then Duke of Athol, added a sense of solemnity and beauty to the scene. The rising sun first lit up the tops of the pines; and with my mountain upbringing making me sensitive to the beauty of nature, especially since I was about to see my beloved and possibly dying friend again, I was oddly affected by the sight of those distant beams: surely they were significant, and I saw them as good omens for Adrian, whose life my happiness depended on.

Poor fellow! he lay stretched on a bed of sickness, his cheeks glowing with the hues of fever, his eyes half closed, his breath irregular and difficult. Yet it was less painful to see him thus, than to find him fulfilling the animal functions uninterruptedly, his mind sick the while. I established myself at his bedside; I never quitted it day or night. Bitter task was it, to behold his spirit waver between death and life: to see his warm cheek, and know that the very fire which burned too fiercely there, was consuming the vital fuel; to hear his moaning voice, which might never again articulate words of love and wisdom; to witness the ineffectual motions of his limbs, soon to be wrapt in their mortal shroud. Such for three days and nights appeared the consummation which fate had decreed for my labours, and I became haggard and spectre-like, through anxiety and watching. At length his eyes unclosed faintly, yet with a look of returning life; he became pale and weak; but the rigidity of his features was softened by approaching convalescence. He knew me. What a brimful cup of joyful agony it was, when his face first gleamed with the glance of recognition—when he pressed my hand, now more fevered than his own, and when he pronounced my name! No trace of his past insanity remained, to dash my joy with sorrow.

Poor guy! He lay on a sickbed, his cheeks flushed with fever, his eyes half-closed, and his breathing irregular and labored. But it was less painful to see him like this than to witness him going through basic bodily functions while his mind was still sick. I set up camp by his bedside, never leaving it day or night. It was a heartbreaking task to watch his spirit waver between life and death: to see his warm cheek and know that the very heat burning there was consuming his strength; to hear his moaning voice, which might never speak words of love and wisdom again; to see the futile movements of his limbs, soon to be wrapped in their final resting place. For three days and nights, this seemed to be the end that fate had in store for my efforts, and I became gaunt and ghost-like from anxiety and lack of sleep. Finally, his eyes flickered open faintly, with a glimmer of life returning; he became pale and weak, but the stiffness in his features began to ease as he started to recover. He recognized me. What an overflowing cup of bittersweet joy it was when his face lit up with that look of recognition—when he grasped my hand, hotter than his, and when he said my name! No signs of his past madness remained to dampen my happiness.

This same evening his mother and sister arrived. The Countess of Windsor was by nature full of energetic feeling; but she had very seldom in her life permitted the concentrated emotions of her heart to shew themselves on her features. The studied immovability of her countenance; her slow, equable manner, and soft but unmelodious voice, were a mask, hiding her fiery passions, and the impatience of her disposition. She did not in the least resemble either of her children; her black and sparkling eye, lit up by pride, was totally unlike the blue lustre, and frank, benignant expression of either Adrian or Idris. There was something grand and majestic in her motions, but nothing persuasive, nothing amiable. Tall, thin, and strait, her face still handsome, her raven hair hardly tinged with grey, her forehead arched and beautiful, had not the eye-brows been somewhat scattered—it was impossible not to be struck by her, almost to fear her. Idris appeared to be the only being who could resist her mother, notwithstanding the extreme mildness of her character. But there was a fearlessness and frankness about her, which said that she would not encroach on another’s liberty, but held her own sacred and unassailable.

That same evening, his mother and sister arrived. The Countess of Windsor was naturally full of strong emotions, but she seldom let the deep feelings in her heart show on her face. The carefully controlled blankness of her expression, her slow and steady manner, and her soft, unmusical voice served as a mask, concealing her intense passions and impatient nature. She didn’t resemble either of her children at all; her dark, sparkling eyes, lit with pride, were completely different from the blue glow and open, kind expressions of Adrian and Idris. There was something grand and imposing about the way she moved, but nothing persuasive or friendly. Tall, thin, and straight, her face was still attractive, her black hair barely touched with gray, her forehead elegantly shaped, though her eyebrows were somewhat scattered—it was hard not to be struck by her, even to be intimidated by her. Idris seemed to be the only person who could stand up to her mother, despite her incredibly gentle nature. But there was a boldness and straightforwardness about her that made it clear she wouldn’t infringe on anyone else’s freedom, and she held her own as sacred and untouchable.

The Countess cast no look of kindness on my worn-out frame, though afterwards she thanked me coldly for my attentions. Not so Idris; her first glance was for her brother; she took his hand, she kissed his eye-lids, and hung over him with looks of compassion and love. Her eyes glistened with tears when she thanked me, and the grace of her expressions was enhanced, not diminished, by the fervour, which caused her almost to falter as she spoke. Her mother, all eyes and ears, soon interrupted us; and I saw, that she wished to dismiss me quietly, as one whose services, now that his relatives had arrived, were of no use to her son. I was harassed and ill, resolved not to give up my post, yet doubting in what way I should assert it; when Adrian called me, and clasping my hand, bade me not leave him. His mother, apparently inattentive, at once understood what was meant, and seeing the hold we had upon her, yielded the point to us.

The Countess didn't show any kindness towards my exhausted self, although she later thanked me in a cool manner for my efforts. Unlike her, Idris's first glance was for her brother; she took his hand, kissed his eyelids, and leaned over him with looks of compassion and love. Her eyes sparkled with tears when she thanked me, and her heartfelt words were made even more powerful by the emotion that nearly made her stumble as she spoke. Her mother, all ears and focused on us, quickly interrupted; it was clear she wanted to dismiss me quietly since my help was no longer needed now that his family was there. I was distressed and unwell, determined to keep my position, but unsure how to assert it; when Adrian called me over, took my hand, and asked me not to leave him. His mother, seemingly uninterested, instantly recognized what was going on and, seeing how much we mattered to each other, gave in to us.

The days that followed were full of pain to me; so that I sometimes regretted that I had not yielded at once to the haughty lady, who watched all my motions, and turned my beloved task of nursing my friend to a work of pain and irritation. Never did any woman appear so entirely made of mind, as the Countess of Windsor. Her passions had subdued her appetites, even her natural wants; she slept little, and hardly ate at all; her body was evidently considered by her as a mere machine, whose health was necessary for the accomplishment of her schemes, but whose senses formed no part of her enjoyment. There is something fearful in one who can thus conquer the animal part of our nature, if the victory be not the effect of consummate virtue; nor was it without a mixture of this feeling, that I beheld the figure of the Countess awake when others slept, fasting when I, abstemious naturally, and rendered so by the fever that preyed on me, was forced to recruit myself with food. She resolved to prevent or diminish my opportunities of acquiring influence over her children, and circumvented my plans by a hard, quiet, stubborn resolution, that seemed not to belong to flesh and blood. War was at last tacitly acknowledged between us. We had many pitched battles, during which no word was spoken, hardly a look was interchanged, but in which each resolved not to submit to the other. The Countess had the advantage of position; so I was vanquished, though I would not yield.

The days that followed were full of pain for me; sometimes I regretted that I hadn’t given in right away to the proud woman who watched my every move, turning my cherished task of caring for my friend into a source of pain and irritation. No woman ever seemed as completely intellectual as the Countess of Windsor. Her emotions had overtaken her desires, even her basic needs; she slept very little and hardly ate at all; she clearly viewed her body as merely a machine, whose health was essential for achieving her goals, but whose senses had no part in her enjoyment. There is something terrifying about someone who can conquer the animal side of our nature, unless that victory comes from true virtue; and it wasn’t without some of this feeling that I watched the Countess awake when others slept, fasting while I, naturally temperate and weakened by the fever that tormented me, had to find strength in food. She aimed to limit my chances of gaining influence over her children and thwarted my plans with a cold, stubborn resolve that felt almost unnatural. Ultimately, an unspoken war was declared between us. We had many silent battles, with hardly a word or glance exchanged, yet both of us were determined not to back down. The Countess had the upper hand, so I was defeated, even though I refused to give in.

I became sick at heart. My countenance was painted with the hues of ill health and vexation. Adrian and Idris saw this; they attributed it to my long watching and anxiety; they urged me to rest, and take care of myself, while I most truly assured them, that my best medicine was their good wishes; those, and the assured convalescence of my friend, now daily more apparent. The faint rose again blushed on his cheek; his brow and lips lost the ashy paleness of threatened dissolution; such was the dear reward of my unremitting attention—and bounteous heaven added overflowing recompence, when it gave me also the thanks and smiles of Idris.

I felt a deep sadness. My face showed signs of illness and frustration. Adrian and Idris noticed this; they thought it was due to my long hours of worry and waiting. They encouraged me to rest and take care of myself, while I genuinely told them that their good wishes were the best medicine for me; those, along with the clear signs of my friend's recovery, which was becoming more obvious every day. A faint blush returned to his cheeks; the chalky pallor of his face faded away. This was the sweet reward for my continuous care—and even more, heaven blessed me by giving me Idris's thanks and smiles.

After the lapse of a few weeks, we left Dunkeld. Idris and her mother returned immediately to Windsor, while Adrian and I followed by slow journies and frequent stoppages, occasioned by his continued weakness. As we traversed the various counties of fertile England, all wore an exhilarating appearance to my companion, who had been so long secluded by disease from the enjoyments of weather and scenery. We passed through busy towns and cultivated plains. The husbandmen were getting in their plenteous harvests, and the women and children, occupied by light rustic toils, formed groupes of happy, healthful persons, the very sight of whom carried cheerfulness to the heart. One evening, quitting our inn, we strolled down a shady lane, then up a grassy slope, till we came to an eminence, that commanded an extensive view of hill and dale, meandering rivers, dark woods, and shining villages. The sun was setting; and the clouds, straying, like new-shorn sheep, through the vast fields of sky, received the golden colour of his parting beams; the distant uplands shone out, and the busy hum of evening came, harmonized by distance, on our ear. Adrian, who felt all the fresh spirit infused by returning health, clasped his hands in delight, and exclaimed with transport:

After a few weeks, we left Dunkeld. Idris and her mother went straight back to Windsor, while Adrian and I traveled slowly, taking lots of breaks because he was still weak. As we passed through the lush counties of England, everything looked invigorating to my companion, who had been isolated by illness from enjoying the weather and scenery for so long. We went through bustling towns and fertile fields. The farmers were harvesting their bountiful crops, and the women and children, engaged in light rural tasks, formed groups of happy, healthy people, the sight of whom brought joy to the heart. One evening, after leaving our inn, we took a stroll down a shady lane, then up a grassy slope until we reached a hilltop that offered a wide view of rolling hills, winding rivers, dark forests, and sparkling villages. The sun was setting, and the clouds, drifting like freshly sheared sheep across the vast sky, took on the golden hue of its last rays; the distant hills glowed, and the evening's sounds, softened by distance, reached our ears. Adrian, feeling the fresh energy that came with his recovering health, clasped his hands in delight and exclaimed excitedly:

“O happy earth, and happy inhabitants of earth! A stately palace has God built for you, O man! and worthy are you of your dwelling! Behold the verdant carpet spread at our feet, and the azure canopy above; the fields of earth which generate and nurture all things, and the track of heaven, which contains and clasps all things. Now, at this evening hour, at the period of repose and refection, methinks all hearts breathe one hymn of love and thanksgiving, and we, like priests of old on the mountain-tops, give a voice to their sentiment.

“O happy earth, and happy people of the earth! God has built a grand palace for you, O man! and you deserve your home! Look at the green carpet spread out at our feet and the blue sky above; the fields of the earth that create and nurture everything, and the path of heaven, which holds and embraces all things. Now, at this evening hour, during this time of rest and reflection, I think all hearts sing one song of love and gratitude, and we, like the priests of old on the mountaintops, give voice to their feelings.”

“Assuredly a most benignant power built up the majestic fabric we inhabit, and framed the laws by which it endures. If mere existence, and not happiness, had been the final end of our being, what need of the profuse luxuries which we enjoy? Why should our dwelling place be so lovely, and why should the instincts of nature minister pleasurable sensations? The very sustaining of our animal machine is made delightful; and our sustenance, the fruits of the field, is painted with transcendant hues, endued with grateful odours, and palatable to our taste. Why should this be, if HE were not good? We need houses to protect us from the seasons, and behold the materials with which we are provided; the growth of trees with their adornment of leaves; while rocks of stone piled above the plains variegate the prospect with their pleasant irregularity.

“Clearly, a very kind power created the grand structure we live in and established the laws that sustain it. If the only purpose of our existence were to simply live and not to be happy, why would we have all the luxurious comforts we enjoy? Why is our home so beautiful, and why do the instincts of nature provide us with such pleasurable feelings? Even the upkeep of our bodies is made enjoyable; our food, the produce from the fields, is vibrant with amazing colors, filled with delightful scents, and tastes good to us. Why is this the case if HE isn’t good? We need shelter to protect us from the elements, and just look at the materials we have; trees with their leafy canopies grow for our benefit, while the rocks scattered across the plains add charming irregularity to the view.”

“Nor are outward objects alone the receptacles of the Spirit of Good. Look into the mind of man, where wisdom reigns enthroned; where imagination, the painter, sits, with his pencil dipt in hues lovelier than those of sunset, adorning familiar life with glowing tints. What a noble boon, worthy the giver, is the imagination! it takes from reality its leaden hue: it envelopes all thought and sensation in a radiant veil, and with an hand of beauty beckons us from the sterile seas of life, to her gardens, and bowers, and glades of bliss. And is not love a gift of the divinity? Love, and her child, Hope, which can bestow wealth on poverty, strength on the weak, and happiness on the sorrowing.

“Outward objects aren't the only places where the Spirit of Good resides. Look into the human mind, where wisdom sits on its throne; where imagination, the artist, holds a brush dipped in colors more beautiful than those of sunset, enhancing everyday life with vibrant shades. What a wonderful gift imagination is, deserving of its source! It takes away reality’s dullness: it wraps all thoughts and feelings in a glowing veil, and with a hand of beauty invites us away from the barren seas of life, to her gardens, and groves, and peaceful glades. And isn't love a divine gift? Love, along with its child, Hope, which can bring wealth to the poor, strength to the weak, and happiness to the sad.”

“My lot has not been fortunate. I have consorted long with grief, entered the gloomy labyrinth of madness, and emerged, but half alive. Yet I thank God that I have lived! I thank God, that I have beheld his throne, the heavens, and earth, his footstool. I am glad that I have seen the changes of his day; to behold the sun, fountain of light, and the gentle pilgrim moon; to have seen the fire bearing flowers of the sky, and the flowery stars of earth; to have witnessed the sowing and the harvest. I am glad that I have loved, and have experienced sympathetic joy and sorrow with my fellow-creatures. I am glad now to feel the current of thought flow through my mind, as the blood through the articulations of my frame; mere existence is pleasure; and I thank God that I live!

“My life hasn’t been easy. I’ve spent a long time dealing with grief, wandered through the dark maze of madness, and come out barely alive. But I thank God that I have lived! I thank God that I have seen his throne, the heavens, and the earth, his footstool. I’m glad that I have witnessed the changes of his day; to see the sun, the source of light, and the gentle moon traveling through the night; to have watched the fiery blossoms in the sky and the shining stars on earth; to have seen the planting and the harvest. I’m glad that I have loved and shared joy and sorrow with my fellow humans. I’m happy now to feel the flow of thoughts in my mind, just like blood coursing through my body; just being alive is a pleasure, and I thank God that I live!

“And all ye happy nurslings of mother-earth, do ye not echo my words? Ye who are linked by the affectionate ties of nature, companions, friends, lovers! fathers, who toil with joy for their offspring; women, who while gazing on the living forms of their children, forget the pains of maternity; children, who neither toil nor spin, but love and are loved!

“And all you happy children of mother earth, don’t you echo my words? You who are connected by the loving bonds of nature—companions, friends, lovers! Fathers who work joyfully for their kids; women who, while looking at their children, forget the pains of motherhood; and children who neither work nor worry, but love and are loved!

“Oh, that death and sickness were banished from our earthly home! that hatred, tyranny, and fear could no longer make their lair in the human heart! that each man might find a brother in his fellow, and a nest of repose amid the wide plains of his inheritance! that the source of tears were dry, and that lips might no longer form expressions of sorrow. Sleeping thus under the beneficent eye of heaven, can evil visit thee, O Earth, or grief cradle to their graves thy luckless children? Whisper it not, let the demons hear and rejoice! The choice is with us; let us will it, and our habitation becomes a paradise. For the will of man is omnipotent, blunting the arrows of death, soothing the bed of disease, and wiping away the tears of agony. And what is each human being worth, if he do not put forth his strength to aid his fellow-creatures? My soul is a fading spark, my nature frail as a spent wave; but I dedicate all of intellect and strength that remains to me, to that one work, and take upon me the task, as far as I am able, of bestowing blessings on my fellow-men!”

“Oh, if only death and sickness could be banished from our lives! If only hatred, tyranny, and fear could no longer take hold in the human heart! If only everyone could find a brother in their neighbor, and peace in the vastness of their land! If only the source of tears could run dry, and lips could no longer utter words of sorrow. If we could rest under the watchful eye of heaven, could evil still touch you, O Earth, or sorrow rock your unfortunate children to sleep? Don’t let it be whispered, let not the demons hear and rejoice! The choice is ours; if we desire it, our world can become a paradise. For the will of man is powerful, dulling the arrows of death, easing suffering, and wiping away tears of pain. And what is the worth of each person if they do not use their strength to help others? My soul is a fading flame, my nature as fragile as a spent wave; but I dedicate all the intellect and strength I have left to that one purpose, and I embrace the challenge, as far as I can, of blessing my fellow humans!”

His voice trembled, his eyes were cast up, his hands clasped, and his fragile person was bent, as it were, with excess of emotion. The spirit of life seemed to linger in his form, as a dying flame on an altar flickers on the embers of an accepted sacrifice.

His voice shook, his eyes looked up, his hands were clasped, and his frail body was hunched over, almost overwhelmed with emotion. It was as if the spirit of life still lingered in him, like a dying flame flickering on the embers of a burnt offering.

CHAPTER V.

When we arrived at Windsor, I found that Raymond and Perdita had departed for the continent. I took possession of my sister’s cottage, and blessed myself that I lived within view of Windsor Castle. It was a curious fact, that at this period, when by the marriage of Perdita I was allied to one of the richest individuals in England, and was bound by the most intimate friendship to its chiefest noble, I experienced the greatest excess of poverty that I had ever known. My knowledge of the worldly principles of Lord Raymond, would have ever prevented me from applying to him, however deep my distress might have been. It was in vain that I repeated to myself with regard to Adrian, that his purse was open to me; that one in soul, as we were, our fortunes ought also to be common. I could never, while with him, think of his bounty as a remedy to my poverty; and I even put aside hastily his offers of supplies, assuring him of a falsehood, that I needed them not. How could I say to this generous being, “Maintain me in idleness. You who have dedicated your powers of mind and fortune to the benefit of your species, shall you so misdirect your exertions, as to support in uselessness the strong, healthy, and capable?”

When we got to Windsor, I found out that Raymond and Perdita had left for the continent. I took over my sister’s cottage and felt grateful to be living within sight of Windsor Castle. It was strange that, at this time, when Perdita’s marriage connected me to one of the wealthiest people in England and I was closely tied to its highest noble, I was experiencing the most extreme poverty I had ever faced. My understanding of Lord Raymond's worldly ways always stopped me from asking him for help, no matter how deep my troubles were. It was pointless to remind myself that Adrian’s purse was open to me; that since we were united in spirit, our fortunes should also be shared. I could never think of his generosity as a solution to my poverty while I was with him, and I even quickly brushed off his offers of help, lying that I didn’t need it. How could I tell this generous person, “Support me in laziness? You, who have devoted your intellect and wealth to helping others, should not waste your efforts on sustaining someone who is strong, healthy, and capable in uselessness?”

And yet I dared not request him to use his influence that I might obtain an honourable provision for myself—for then I should have been obliged to leave Windsor. I hovered for ever around the walls of its Castle, beneath its enshadowing thickets; my sole companions were my books and my loving thoughts. I studied the wisdom of the ancients, and gazed on the happy walls that sheltered the beloved of my soul. My mind was nevertheless idle. I pored over the poetry of old times; I studied the metaphysics of Plato and Berkeley. I read the histories of Greece and Rome, and of England’s former periods, and I watched the movements of the lady of my heart. At night I could see her shadow on the walls of her apartment; by day I viewed her in her flower-garden, or riding in the park with her usual companions. Methought the charm would be broken if I were seen, but I heard the music of her voice and was happy. I gave to each heroine of whom I read, her beauty and matchless excellences—such was Antigone, when she guided the blind Œdipus to the grove of the Eumenides, and discharged the funeral rites of Polynices; such was Miranda in the unvisited cave of Prospero; such Haidee, on the sands of the Ionian island. I was mad with excess of passionate devotion; but pride, tameless as fire, invested my nature, and prevented me from betraying myself by word or look.

And yet I couldn't bring myself to ask him to use his influence so I could secure a respectable position for myself—because then I would have to leave Windsor. I lingered around the Castle walls, under its shaded trees; my only companions were my books and my loving thoughts. I absorbed the wisdom of ancient thinkers and gazed at the happy walls that sheltered the one I adored. Still, my mind felt unproductive. I delved into the poetry of the past; I explored the metaphysics of Plato and Berkeley. I read the histories of Greece, Rome, and England's past eras, and I observed the movements of the woman I loved. At night, I could see her silhouette on the walls of her room; by day, I watched her in her flower garden or riding in the park with her usual friends. I felt that the magic would vanish if I were ever seen, but just hearing her voice brought me joy. I gave each heroine I read about her own beauty and unique qualities—like Antigone, when she guided the blind Oedipus to the grove of the Eumenides and performed the funeral rites for Polynices; or Miranda, in Prospero's isolated cave; or Haidee, on the shores of the Ionian island. I was consumed by overwhelming devotion, but my pride, as untamed as fire, held me back from revealing my feelings through words or glances.

In the mean time, while I thus pampered myself with rich mental repasts, a peasant would have disdained my scanty fare, which I sometimes robbed from the squirrels of the forest. I was, I own, often tempted to recur to the lawless feats of my boy-hood, and knock down the almost tame pheasants that perched upon the trees, and bent their bright eyes on me. But they were the property of Adrian, the nurslings of Idris; and so, although my imagination rendered sensual by privation, made me think that they would better become the spit in my kitchen, than the green leaves of the forest,

In the meantime, while I indulged myself with rich mental treats, a peasant would have scoffed at my meager meals, which I sometimes took from the squirrels in the woods. I admit, I was often tempted to revisit the reckless exploits of my childhood and knock down the almost tame pheasants that perched on the trees, gazing at me with their bright eyes. But they belonged to Adrian, the nurslings of Idris; so, even though my imagination, starved for pleasure, led me to believe they would be better on the spit in my kitchen than among the green leaves of the forest,

    Nathelesse,
I checked my haughty will, and did not eat;

Natheless,
I held back my pride and didn't eat;

but supped upon sentiment, and dreamt vainly of “such morsels sweet,” as I might not waking attain.

but fed on feelings, and dreamt foolishly of “such sweet treats,” that I couldn't reach while awake.

But, at this period, the whole scheme of my existence was about to change. The orphan and neglected son of Verney, was on the eve of being linked to the mechanism of society by a golden chain, and to enter into all the duties and affections of life. Miracles were to be wrought in my favour, the machine of social life pushed with vast effort backward. Attend, O reader! while I narrate this tale of wonders!

But at this moment, my whole life was about to change. The orphaned and neglected son of Verney was on the verge of being connected to society's workings by a golden chain, stepping into all the responsibilities and relationships of life. Miracles were about to happen for me, and the machinery of social life was going to be pushed back with great effort. Pay attention, dear reader, as I tell this story of wonders!

One day as Adrian and Idris were riding through the forest, with their mother and accustomed companions, Idris, drawing her brother aside from the rest of the cavalcade, suddenly asked him, “What had become of his friend, Lionel Verney?”

One day, while Adrian and Idris were riding through the forest with their mother and usual companions, Idris pulled her brother aside from the group and suddenly asked him, “What happened to your friend, Lionel Verney?”

“Even from this spot,” replied Adrian, pointing to my sister’s cottage, “you can see his dwelling.”

“Even from here,” replied Adrian, pointing to my sister’s cottage, “you can see his house.”

“Indeed!” said Idris, “and why, if he be so near, does he not come to see us, and make one of our society?”

“Definitely!” said Idris, “and if he’s so close, why doesn’t he come to see us and join our group?”

“I often visit him,” replied Adrian; “but you may easily guess the motives, which prevent him from coming where his presence may annoy any one among us.”

“I often visit him,” Adrian replied; “but you can easily guess the reasons why he doesn’t come here, where his presence might bother anyone of us.”

“I do guess them,” said Idris, “and such as they are, I would not venture to combat them. Tell me, however, in what way he passes his time; what he is doing and thinking in his cottage retreat?”

"I think I can figure them out," said Idris, "and whatever they are, I wouldn’t dare to challenge them. But tell me, how does he spend his time; what is he doing and thinking in his cottage getaway?"

“Nay, my sweet sister,” replied Adrian, “you ask me more than I can well answer; but if you feel interest in him, why not visit him? He will feel highly honoured, and thus you may repay a part of the obligation I owe him, and compensate for the injuries fortune has done him.”

“Nah, my lovely sister,” replied Adrian, “you’re asking me more than I can truly answer; but if you’re interested in him, why not go see him? He would be really honored, and this way you can repay some of the debt I owe him, and make up for the wrongs that life has dealt him.”

“I will most readily accompany you to his abode,” said the lady, “not that I wish that either of us should unburthen ourselves of our debt, which, being no less than your life, must remain unpayable ever. But let us go; to-morrow we will arrange to ride out together, and proceeding towards that part of the forest, call upon him.”

“I’d be happy to join you at his place,” said the lady, “not because I think we should get rid of our debt, which, being your life, can never truly be paid off. But let’s go; tomorrow we can plan to ride out together and head toward that part of the forest to visit him.”

The next evening therefore, though the autumnal change had brought on cold and rain, Adrian and Idris entered my cottage. They found me Curius-like, feasting on sorry fruits for supper; but they brought gifts richer than the golden bribes of the Sabines, nor could I refuse the invaluable store of friendship and delight which they bestowed. Surely the glorious twins of Latona were not more welcome, when, in the infancy of the world, they were brought forth to beautify and enlighten this “sterile promontory,” than were this angelic pair to my lowly dwelling and grateful heart. We sat like one family round my hearth. Our talk was on subjects, unconnected with the emotions that evidently occupied each; but we each divined the other’s thought, and as our voices spoke of indifferent matters, our eyes, in mute language, told a thousand things no tongue could have uttered.

The next evening, even though the autumn chill had brought cold and rain, Adrian and Idris came to my cottage. They found me like Curius, making do with meager food for dinner, but they brought gifts far more valuable than the golden bribes of the Sabines, and I couldn’t turn down the priceless treasure of friendship and joy they offered. Surely, the glorious twins of Latona were not more welcomed when, in the early days of the world, they were born to enhance and enlighten this “barren promontory,” than this angelic pair was to my humble home and grateful heart. We gathered like one family around my hearth. Our conversation was about topics unrelated to the feelings that clearly filled each of us; yet we could sense each other’s thoughts, and while our words discussed trivial matters, our eyes shared a thousand unspoken feelings that no words could express.

They left me in an hour’s time. They left me happy—how unspeakably happy. It did not require the measured sounds of human language to syllable the story of my extasy. Idris had visited me; Idris I should again and again see—my imagination did not wander beyond the completeness of this knowledge. I trod air; no doubt, no fear, no hope even, disturbed me; I clasped with my soul the fulness of contentment, satisfied, undesiring, beatified.

They left me in an hour. They left me happy—so incredibly happy. It didn’t take the exact words of human language to express how ecstatic I felt. Idris had visited me; Idris I would see again and again—my imagination didn't go beyond this certainty. I felt like I was walking on air; no doubt, no fear, not even hope, troubled me; I embraced with my soul the fullness of contentment, satisfied, without longing, blissful.

For many days Adrian and Idris continued to visit me thus. In this dear intercourse, love, in the guise of enthusiastic friendship, infused more and more of his omnipotent spirit. Idris felt it. Yes, divinity of the world, I read your characters in her looks and gesture; I heard your melodious voice echoed by her—you prepared for us a soft and flowery path, all gentle thoughts adorned it—your name, O Love, was not spoken, but you stood the Genius of the Hour, veiled, and time, but no mortal hand, might raise the curtain. Organs of articulate sound did not proclaim the union of our hearts; for untoward circumstance allowed no opportunity for the expression that hovered on our lips. Oh my pen! haste thou to write what was, before the thought of what is, arrests the hand that guides thee. If I lift up my eyes and see the desart earth, and feel that those dear eyes have spent their mortal lustre, and that those beauteous lips are silent, their “crimson leaves” faded, for ever I am mute!

For many days, Adrian and Idris kept visiting me like this. In this cherished time together, love, disguised as passionate friendship, filled the air with its powerful presence. Idris could sense it. Yes, essence of the universe, I saw your influence in her expressions and movements; I heard your beautiful voice echoed in hers—you created a gentle and beautiful path for us, filled with tender thoughts. Your name, O Love, wasn’t spoken, but you were there, the Genius of the Moment, hidden, and only time, not any human hand, could lift the veil. Our hearts’ connection wasn’t declared through spoken words; unfortunate circumstances gave us no chance to express what lingered on our lips. Oh my pen! hurry to write what was, before the thought of what is stops the hand that guides you. If I look up and see the barren earth, and realize that those beloved eyes have lost their sparkle, and those lovely lips are silent, their “crimson leaves” faded, then forever, I am silent!

But you live, my Idris, even now you move before me! There was a glade, O reader! a grassy opening in the wood; the retiring trees left its velvet expanse as a temple for love; the silver Thames bounded it on one side, and a willow bending down dipt in the water its Naiad hair, dishevelled by the wind’s viewless hand. The oaks around were the home of a tribe of nightingales—there am I now; Idris, in youth’s dear prime, is by my side —remember, I am just twenty-two, and seventeen summers have scarcely passed over the beloved of my heart. The river swollen by autumnal rains, deluged the low lands, and Adrian in his favourite boat is employed in the dangerous pastime of plucking the topmost bough from a submerged oak. Are you weary of life, O Adrian, that you thus play with danger?—

But you live, my Idris, even now you move before me! There was a glade, O reader! a grassy opening in the woods; the trees parted to leave this velvet space as a sanctuary for love; the silver Thames bordered it on one side, and a willow leaned down, dipping its Naiad hair in the water, disheveled by the invisible hand of the wind. The oaks surrounding it were home to a flock of nightingales—there I am now; Idris, in the sweet days of youth, is by my side—remember, I’m just twenty-two, and only seventeen summers have passed over the one I love. The river, swollen from the autumn rains, flooded the lowlands, and Adrian in his favorite boat is indulging in the risky sport of reaching for the highest branch from a submerged oak. Are you tired of life, O Adrian, that you’re playing with danger like this?

He has obtained his prize, and he pilots his boat through the flood; our eyes were fixed on him fearfully, but the stream carried him away from us; he was forced to land far lower down, and to make a considerable circuit before he could join us. “He is safe!” said Idris, as he leapt on shore, and waved the bough over his head in token of success; “we will wait for him here.”

He got his prize and is now navigating his boat through the flood; we watched him anxiously, but the current swept him away from us; he had to land much farther down and make a long detour before he could reach us. “He’s safe!” Idris said as he jumped onto land and waved a branch over his head to show he succeeded; “we’ll wait for him here.”

We were alone together; the sun had set; the song of the nightingales began; the evening star shone distinct in the flood of light, which was yet unfaded in the west. The blue eyes of my angelic girl were fixed on this sweet emblem of herself: “How the light palpitates,” she said, “which is that star’s life. Its vacillating effulgence seems to say that its state, even like ours upon earth, is wavering and inconstant; it fears, methinks, and it loves.”

We were alone together; the sun had set; the nightingales started singing; the evening star stood out brightly in the fading light of the west. My angelic girl's blue eyes were focused on this sweet symbol of herself: “Look how the light flickers,” she said, “which is the life of that star. Its shifting glow seems to suggest that its condition, just like ours here on earth, is uncertain and unstable; it seems to fear, I think, and it loves.”

“Gaze not on the star, dear, generous friend,” I cried, “read not love in its trembling rays; look not upon distant worlds; speak not of the mere imagination of a sentiment. I have long been silent; long even to sickness have I desired to speak to you, and submit my soul, my life, my entire being to you. Look not on the star, dear love, or do, and let that eternal spark plead for me; let it be my witness and my advocate, silent as it shines—love is to me as light to the star; even so long as that is uneclipsed by annihilation, so long shall I love you.”

“Don’t look at the star, my dear, kind friend,” I implored, “don’t read love in its flickering light; don’t gaze at distant worlds; don’t talk about the mere fantasy of feelings. I’ve been quiet for so long; I’ve longed to tell you my feelings, to give you my soul, my life, my whole self. Don’t look at the star, my love, or do, and let that eternal spark speak for me; let it be my witness and my advocate, quietly shining—love is for me what light is to the star; as long as that light isn’t snuffed out, I will love you.”

Veiled for ever to the world’s callous eye must be the transport of that moment. Still do I feel her graceful form press against my full-fraught heart—still does sight, and pulse, and breath sicken and fail, at the remembrance of that first kiss. Slowly and silently we went to meet Adrian, whom we heard approaching.

Veiled forever from the world’s indifferent gaze must be the emotion of that moment. I still feel her graceful shape pressed against my overflowing heart—my sight, pulse, and breath still weaken and falter at the memory of that first kiss. Slowly and quietly, we went to meet Adrian, whom we heard coming.

I entreated Adrian to return to me after he had conducted his sister home. And that same evening, walking among the moon-lit forest paths, I poured forth my whole heart, its transport and its hope, to my friend. For a moment he looked disturbed—“I might have foreseen this,” he said, “what strife will now ensue! Pardon me, Lionel, nor wonder that the expectation of contest with my mother should jar me, when else I should delightedly confess that my best hopes are fulfilled, in confiding my sister to your protection. If you do not already know it, you will soon learn the deep hate my mother bears to the name Verney. I will converse with Idris; then all that a friend can do, I will do; to her it must belong to play the lover’s part, if she be capable of it.”

I urged Adrian to come back to me after he took his sister home. That same evening, as we walked through the moonlit forest paths, I shared all my feelings—my joy and my hopes—with my friend. For a moment, he seemed troubled. “I should have seen this coming,” he said. “What conflict will arise now! Please forgive me, Lionel, and don’t be surprised that the thought of having to confront my mother unsettles me. Otherwise, I would happily admit that my greatest hopes have been realized by trusting you with my sister’s safety. If you don’t already know, you’ll soon find out how deeply my mother hates the name Verney. I will talk to Idris, and then I’ll do everything I can as a friend; it will be up to her to play the romantic role if she’s capable of it.”

While the brother and sister were still hesitating in what manner they could best attempt to bring their mother over to their party, she, suspecting our meetings, taxed her children with them; taxed her fair daughter with deceit, and an unbecoming attachment for one whose only merit was being the son of the profligate favourite of her imprudent father; and who was doubtless as worthless as he from whom he boasted his descent. The eyes of Idris flashed at this accusation; she replied, “I do not deny that I love Verney; prove to me that he is worthless; and I will never see him more.”

While the brother and sister were still trying to figure out how to persuade their mother to join their side, she, suspecting their secret meetings, confronted them about it. She accused her daughter of dishonesty and having an inappropriate attachment to someone whose only claim to fame was being the son of her reckless father's favorite; and who was surely as worthless as the man he claimed to come from. Idris’s eyes lit up at this accusation; she responded, “I won’t deny that I love Verney; show me that he is worthless, and I will never see him again.”

“Dear Madam,” said Adrian, “let me entreat you to see him, to cultivate his friendship. You will wonder then, as I do, at the extent of his accomplishments, and the brilliancy of his talents.” (Pardon me, gentle reader, this is not futile vanity;—not futile, since to know that Adrian felt thus, brings joy even now to my lone heart).

“Dear Madam,” Adrian said, “please consider meeting him and building a friendship with him. You’ll be amazed, just as I am, at how accomplished he is and how remarkable his talents are.” (Forgive me, kind reader, this isn’t empty pride;—not empty, because knowing that Adrian felt this way brings joy to my lonely heart even now).

“Mad and foolish boy!” exclaimed the angry lady, “you have chosen with dreams and theories to overthrow my schemes for your own aggrandizement; but you shall not do the same by those I have formed for your sister. I but too well understand the fascination you both labour under; since I had the same struggle with your father, to make him cast off the parent of this youth, who hid his evil propensities with the smoothness and subtlety of a viper. In those days how often did I hear of his attractions, his wide spread conquests, his wit, his refined manners. It is well when flies only are caught by such spiders’ webs; but is it for the high-born and powerful to bow their necks to the flimsy yoke of these unmeaning pretensions? Were your sister indeed the insignificant person she deserves to be, I would willingly leave her to the fate, the wretched fate, of the wife of a man, whose very person, resembling as it does his wretched father, ought to remind you of the folly and vice it typifies—but remember, Lady Idris, it is not alone the once royal blood of England that colours your veins, you are a Princess of Austria, and every life-drop is akin to emperors and kings. Are you then a fit mate for an uneducated shepherd-boy, whose only inheritance is his father’s tarnished name?”

"Mad and foolish boy!” the angry lady exclaimed. “You have chosen to pursue your dreams and theories to undermine my plans for your own gain, but you won't succeed in doing the same to those I’ve made for your sister. I understand all too well the charm you both are under; I had the same battle with your father, trying to make him separate from the parent of this youth, who concealed his bad tendencies with the smoothness and cunning of a snake. Back then, I often heard about his charms, his widespread conquests, his wit, and his polished manners. It’s unfortunate when only flies get caught in such spiders' webs; but is it proper for the high-born and powerful to submit to the flimsy yoke of these meaningless pretensions? If your sister were truly the insignificant person she appears to be, I would gladly let her face the miserable fate of marrying a man whose appearance, resembling that of his wretched father, should remind you of the folly and vice it represents—but remember, Lady Idris, it’s not just the once royal blood of England that runs in your veins; you are a Princess of Austria, and every drop of your blood is akin to emperors and kings. Are you really suited to be with an uneducated shepherd boy, whose only inheritance is his father's tarnished name?”

“I can make but one defence,” replied Idris, “the same offered by my brother; see Lionel, converse with my shepherd-boy”—-The Countess interrupted her indignantly—“Yours!”—she cried: and then, smoothing her impassioned features to a disdainful smile, she continued—“We will talk of this another time. All I now ask, all your mother, Idris, requests is, that you will not see this upstart during the interval of one month.”

“I can only offer one defense,” replied Idris, “the same one my brother gave; look, Lionel, talk to my shepherd-boy”—The Countess cut in angrily—“Yours!”—she exclaimed; then, forcing her heated expression into a scornful smile, she added—“We’ll discuss this later. All I’m asking now, and what your mother, Idris, is requesting, is that you won’t see this arrogant person for the next month.”

“I dare not comply,” said Idris, “it would pain him too much. I have no right to play with his feelings, to accept his proffered love, and then sting him with neglect.”

“I can’t do that,” said Idris, “it would hurt him too much. I have no right to toy with his feelings, to accept his offered love, and then hurt him with neglect.”

“This is going too far,” her mother answered, with quivering lips, and eyes again instinct by anger.

“This is going too far,” her mother replied, her lips trembling and her eyes flashing with anger.

“Nay, Madam,” said Adrian, “unless my sister consent never to see him again, it is surely an useless torment to separate them for a month.”

“Nah, Ma'am,” said Adrian, “unless my sister agrees to never see him again, it’s definitely pointless to keep them apart for a month.”

“Certainly,” replied the ex-queen, with bitter scorn, “his love, and her love, and both their childish flutterings, are to be put in fit comparison with my years of hope and anxiety, with the duties of the offspring of kings, with the high and dignified conduct which one of her descent ought to pursue. But it is unworthy of me to argue and complain. Perhaps you will have the goodness to promise me not to marry during that interval?”

“Of course,” replied the former queen, with a trace of bitterness, “his love, her love, and all their childish flings cannot compare to my years of hope and worry, the responsibilities that come with being a king’s child, and the noble behavior expected of someone from her background. But it’s beneath me to argue and complain. Would you be kind enough to promise me that you won’t get married during that time?”

This was asked only half ironically; and Idris wondered why her mother should extort from her a solemn vow not to do, what she had never dreamed of doing—but the promise was required and given.

This was asked only half-seriously; and Idris wondered why her mother should force her to make a serious promise not to do something she had never even thought about doing—but the promise was needed and made.

All went on cheerfully now; we met as usual, and talked without dread of our future plans. The Countess was so gentle, and even beyond her wont, amiable with her children, that they began to entertain hopes of her ultimate consent. She was too unlike them, too utterly alien to their tastes, for them to find delight in her society, or in the prospect of its continuance, but it gave them pleasure to see her conciliating and kind. Once even, Adrian ventured to propose her receiving me. She refused with a smile, reminding him that for the present his sister had promised to be patient.

Everything was going well now; we met as usual and talked without worrying about our future plans. The Countess was unusually gentle and even more kind with her children, which made them start to hope she might eventually agree to things. She was so different from them and so completely not in line with their tastes that they didn’t really enjoy her company or the idea of spending more time with her, but it made them happy to see her being friendly and nice. Once, Adrian even suggested that she should meet me. She smiled and turned him down, reminding him that for now, his sister had promised to be patient.

One day, after the lapse of nearly a month, Adrian received a letter from a friend in London, requesting his immediate presence for the furtherance of some important object. Guileless himself, Adrian feared no deceit. I rode with him as far as Staines: he was in high spirits; and, since I could not see Idris during his absence, he promised a speedy return. His gaiety, which was extreme, had the strange effect of awakening in me contrary feelings; a presentiment of evil hung over me; I loitered on my return; I counted the hours that must elapse before I saw Idris again. Wherefore should this be? What evil might not happen in the mean time? Might not her mother take advantage of Adrian’s absence to urge her beyond her sufferance, perhaps to entrap her? I resolved, let what would befall, to see and converse with her the following day. This determination soothed me. To-morrow, loveliest and best, hope and joy of my life, to-morrow I will see thee—Fool, to dream of a moment’s delay!

One day, after nearly a month had passed, Adrian got a letter from a friend in London asking him to come right away for something important. Trusting and innocent, Adrian didn't suspect any trickery. I rode with him as far as Staines; he was in great spirits, and since I couldn’t see Idris while he was gone, he promised to return soon. His extreme happiness had a strange effect on me; I felt uneasy, as if something bad was going to happen. I took my time on the way back, counting the hours until I could see Idris again. Why was I feeling this way? What bad things could happen in the meantime? What if her mother took advantage of Adrian’s absence to push her too far, maybe even trap her? I decided, no matter what happened, that I would see and talk to her the next day. This resolve calmed me down. Tomorrow, the most beautiful and wonderful hope and joy of my life, tomorrow I will see you—Fool, to think there could be any delay!

I went to rest. At past midnight I was awaked by a violent knocking. It was now deep winter; it had snowed, and was still snowing; the wind whistled in the leafless trees, despoiling them of the white flakes as they fell; its drear moaning, and the continued knocking, mingled wildly with my dreams— at length I was wide awake; hastily dressing myself, I hurried to discover the cause of this disturbance, and to open my door to the unexpected visitor. Pale as the snow that showered about her, with clasped hands, Idris stood before me. “Save me!” she exclaimed, and would have sunk to the ground had I not supported her. In a moment however she revived, and, with energy, almost with violence, entreated me to saddle horses, to take her away, away to London—to her brother—at least to save her. I had no horses—she wrung her hands. “What can I do?” she cried, “I am lost—we are both for ever lost! But come—come with me, Lionel; here I must not stay,—we can get a chaise at the nearest post-house; yet perhaps we have time! come, O come with me to save and protect me!”

I went to get some rest. After midnight, I was jolted awake by loud knocking. It was the middle of winter; it had snowed, and it was still snowing. The wind howled through the bare trees, stripping them of the falling white flakes. Its dreary moaning mixed with my dreams—eventually, I was fully awake. I quickly got dressed and rushed to find out what was causing the disturbance and to open the door for the unexpected visitor. Pale as the snow surrounding her, with clasped hands, Idris stood in front of me. “Save me!” she exclaimed, and she would have collapsed to the ground if I hadn’t caught her. In a moment, however, she regained her composure and, with urgency—almost with desperation—begged me to saddle horses, to take her away, away to London—to her brother—at least to save her. I had no horses—she wrung her hands. “What can I do?” she cried, “I am lost—we are both forever lost! But come—come with me, Lionel; I can’t stay here—we can get a carriage at the nearest post house; maybe there’s still time! Come, oh come with me to save and protect me!”

When I heard her piteous demands, while with disordered dress, dishevelled hair, and aghast looks, she wrung her hands—the idea shot across me is she also mad?—“Sweet one,” and I folded her to my heart, “better repose than wander further;—rest—my beloved, I will make a fire—you are chill.”

When I heard her desperate pleas, with her messy clothes, tangled hair, and shocked expression as she wrung her hands, the thought crossed my mind: is she also crazy?—“Sweetheart,” I said, pulling her close to my heart, “it’s better to rest than to keep wandering;—just rest—my love, I’ll start a fire—you’re cold.”

“Rest!” she cried, “repose! you rave, Lionel! If you delay we are lost; come, I pray you, unless you would cast me off for ever.”

“Rest!” she exclaimed, “Calm down, Lionel! If you take too long, we’re doomed; please, come on, unless you want to abandon me forever.”

That Idris, the princely born, nursling of wealth and luxury, should have come through the tempestuous winter-night from her regal abode, and standing at my lowly door, conjure me to fly with her through darkness and storm—was surely a dream—again her plaintive tones, the sight of her loveliness assured me that it was no vision. Looking timidly around, as if she feared to be overheard, she whispered: “I have discovered—to-morrow —that is, to-day—already the to-morrow is come—before dawn, foreigners, Austrians, my mother’s hirelings, are to carry me off to Germany, to prison, to marriage—to anything, except you and my brother —take me away, or soon they will be here!”

That Idris, born into royalty and raised in wealth and luxury, came through the stormy winter night from her grand home and stood at my humble door, urging me to escape with her through the darkness and chaos—it had to be a dream—but her sorrowful voice and the sight of her beauty made me realize it was no illusion. Looking around nervously, as if she was afraid of being overheard, she whispered: “I’ve found out that tomorrow—that is, today—actually tomorrow has already arrived—before dawn, outsiders, Austrians, my mother’s hired agents, are going to take me away to Germany, to prison, to marriage—anything but you and my brother—please, take me away or they’ll be here soon!”

I was frightened by her vehemence, and imagined some mistake in her incoherent tale; but I no longer hesitated to obey her. She had come by herself from the Castle, three long miles, at midnight, through the heavy snow; we must reach Englefield Green, a mile and a half further, before we could obtain a chaise. She told me, that she had kept up her strength and courage till her arrival at my cottage, and then both failed. Now she could hardly walk. Supporting her as I did, still she lagged: and at the distance of half a mile, after many stoppages, shivering fits, and half faintings, she slipt from my supporting arm on the snow, and with a torrent of tears averred that she must be taken, for that she could not proceed. I lifted her up in my arms; her light form rested on my breast.—I felt no burthen, except the internal one of contrary and contending emotions. Brimming delight now invested me. Again her chill limbs touched me as a torpedo; and I shuddered in sympathy with her pain and fright. Her head lay on my shoulder, her breath waved my hair, her heart beat near mine, transport made me tremble, blinded me, annihilated me—till a suppressed groan, bursting from her lips, the chattering of her teeth, which she strove vainly to subdue, and all the signs of suffering she evinced, recalled me to the necessity of speed and succour. At last I said to her, “There is Englefield Green; there the inn. But, if you are seen thus strangely circumstanced, dear Idris, even now your enemies may learn your flight too soon: were it not better that I hired the chaise alone? I will put you in safety meanwhile, and return to you immediately.”

I was scared by her intensity and thought there must be some mistake in her jumbled story, but I no longer hesitated to help her. She had made the long journey alone from the Castle, three miles in the dark, through the heavy snow; we had to get to Englefield Green, another mile and a half, before we could find a carriage. She told me that she had managed to keep her strength and courage until she reached my cottage, but then both had failed her. Now, she could barely walk. Even though I was supporting her, she was still struggling; after half a mile, filled with stops, shaking fits, and moments of near-fainting, she collapsed from my arm onto the snow and, in a flood of tears, insisted that she couldn’t go on. I picked her up in my arms; her light frame rested against my chest. I didn’t feel any weight except the internal struggle of conflicting emotions. I was overwhelmed with joy. Once again, her cold body pressed against me like a shock, and I shuddered in sympathy with her pain and fear. Her head rested on my shoulder, her breath swept my hair, her heart beat close to mine, and the rush of emotions made me tremble, blind me, and consume me—until a suppressed groan escaped her lips, her chattering teeth, which she tried unsuccessfully to control, and all the signs of her suffering reminded me that I needed to hurry and help. Finally, I said to her, “There’s Englefield Green; there’s the inn. But if you’re seen in this strange situation, dear Idris, your enemies might find out about your escape too quickly: wouldn’t it be better if I took the carriage alone? I’ll make sure you’re safe in the meantime, and I’ll come back for you right away.”

She answered that I was right, and might do with her as I pleased. I observed the door of a small out-house a-jar. I pushed it open; and, with some hay strewed about, I formed a couch for her, placing her exhausted frame on it, and covering her with my cloak. I feared to leave her, she looked so wan and faint—but in a moment she re-acquired animation, and, with that, fear; and again she implored me not to delay. To call up the people of the inn, and obtain a conveyance and horses, even though I harnessed them myself, was the work of many minutes; minutes, each freighted with the weight of ages. I caused the chaise to advance a little, waited till the people of the inn had retired, and then made the post-boy draw up the carriage to the spot where Idris, impatient, and now somewhat recovered, stood waiting for me. I lifted her into the chaise; I assured her that with our four horses we should arrive in London before five o’clock, the hour when she would be sought and missed. I besought her to calm herself; a kindly shower of tears relieved her, and by degrees she related her tale of fear and peril.

She said I was right and that I could do whatever I wanted with her. I noticed the door of a small out-building slightly open. I pushed it open, and with some hay scattered around, I made a bed for her, laying her tired body on it and covering her with my cloak. I was afraid to leave her since she looked so pale and weak— but soon she regained her strength and, along with it, her fear; she begged me again not to delay. It took quite a while to call the inn staff and arrange for a carriage and horses, even if I had to harness them myself, and those minutes felt like an eternity. I made the carriage move a bit, waited until the inn staff had gone, and then had the post-boy bring the carriage to where Idris, now a bit better but still anxious, was waiting for me. I helped her into the carriage and promised her that with our four horses, we would reach London before five o’clock, the time she would be looked for and missed. I urged her to calm down; a gentle stream of tears helped her, and gradually she shared her story of fear and danger.

That same night after Adrian’s departure, her mother had warmly expostulated with her on the subject of her attachment to me. Every motive, every threat, every angry taunt was urged in vain. She seemed to consider that through me she had lost Raymond; I was the evil influence of her life; I was even accused of encreasing and confirming the mad and base apostacy of Adrian from all views of advancement and grandeur; and now this miserable mountaineer was to steal her daughter. Never, Idris related, did the angry lady deign to recur to gentleness and persuasion; if she had, the task of resistance would have been exquisitely painful. As it was, the sweet girl’s generous nature was roused to defend, and ally herself with, my despised cause. Her mother ended with a look of contempt and covert triumph, which for a moment awakened the suspicions of Idris. When they parted for the night, the Countess said, “To-morrow I trust your tone will be changed: be composed; I have agitated you; go to rest; and I will send you a medicine I always take when unduly restless—it will give you a quiet night.”

That same night after Adrian left, her mother had a heated conversation with her about her feelings for me. She brought up every reason, made threats, and threw out angry insults, but it all fell on deaf ears. She believed that because of me, she had lost Raymond; I was the negative influence in her life. I was even blamed for further encouraging Adrian's reckless and shameful rejection of any aspirations for success and greatness; and now this pathetic mountain man was going to take her daughter away. Idris said that the furious woman never bothered to use gentleness or persuasion; if she had, it would have been incredibly painful for her to resist. As it was, the kind-hearted girl felt compelled to support and defend my disliked cause. Her mother finished with a look of disdain and hidden triumph that briefly raised Idris's suspicions. When they said goodnight, the Countess said, “Tomorrow I hope you'll feel differently: stay calm; I’ve upset you; get some rest; I’ll send you a remedy I always use when I’m too restless—it will help you have a good night.”

By the time that she had with uneasy thoughts laid her fair cheek upon her pillow, her mother’s servant brought a draught; a suspicion again crossed her at this novel proceeding, sufficiently alarming to determine her not to take the potion; but dislike of contention, and a wish to discover whether there was any just foundation for her conjectures, made her, she said, almost instinctively, and in contradiction to her usual frankness, pretend to swallow the medicine. Then, agitated as she had been by her mother’s violence, and now by unaccustomed fears, she lay unable to sleep, starting at every sound. Soon her door opened softly, and on her springing up, she heard a whisper, “Not asleep yet,” and the door again closed. With a beating heart she expected another visit, and when after an interval her chamber was again invaded, having first assured herself that the intruders were her mother and an attendant, she composed herself to feigned sleep. A step approached her bed, she dared not move, she strove to calm her palpitations, which became more violent, when she heard her mother say mutteringly, “Pretty simpleton, little do you think that your game is already at an end for ever.”

By the time she laid her fair cheek on her pillow with uneasy thoughts, her mother’s servant brought her a drink. A suspicion crossed her mind at this unusual act, enough for her to decide not to take the potion. However, her dislike of conflict and a desire to find out if her fears had any basis led her to pretend to swallow the medicine, almost instinctively, contrary to her usual honesty. Agitated by her mother’s outburst and now by unfamiliar fears, she lay awake, flinching at every sound. Soon, her door opened quietly, and as she sat up, she heard a whisper, “Not asleep yet,” before the door closed again. With a racing heart, she anticipated another visit, and when her room was invaded again after a moment, she assured herself that the intruders were her mother and a servant. She settled into a feigned sleep. A step approached her bed, and she didn’t dare move; she tried to calm her racing heart, which grew more frantic as she heard her mother mutter, “Pretty simpleton, little do you think that your game is already at an end forever.”

For a moment the poor girl fancied that her mother believed that she had drank poison: she was on the point of springing up; when the Countess, already at a distance from the bed, spoke in a low voice to her companion, and again Idris listened: “Hasten,” said she, “there is no time to lose— it is long past eleven; they will be here at five; take merely the clothes necessary for her journey, and her jewel-casket.” The servant obeyed; few words were spoken on either side; but those were caught at with avidity by the intended victim. She heard the name of her own maid mentioned;—“No, no,” replied her mother, “she does not go with us; Lady Idris must forget England, and all belonging to it.” And again she heard, “She will not wake till late to-morrow, and we shall then be at sea.”——“All is ready,” at length the woman announced. The Countess again came to her daughter’s bedside: “In Austria at least,” she said, “you will obey. In Austria, where obedience can be enforced, and no choice left but between an honourable prison and a fitting marriage.”

For a moment, the poor girl thought her mother believed she had drank poison. She was about to spring up when the Countess, already a distance from the bed, spoke in a low voice to her companion. Idris listened again: “Hurry,” she said, “there's no time to waste—it's long past eleven; they will be here by five. Just take the clothes she needs for her journey and her jewelry box.” The servant obeyed; only a few words were exchanged, but the intended victim eagerly caught them. She heard her maid's name mentioned; “No, no,” her mother replied, “she's not coming with us; Lady Idris must forget England and everything related to it.” Once more, she heard, “She won't wake until late tomorrow, and by then, we’ll be at sea.” Finally, the woman announced, “Everything is ready.” The Countess came back to her daughter's bedside: “In Austria at least,” she said, “you'll have to obey. In Austria, where obedience can be enforced, and there's no choice left but between an honorable prison and a suitable marriage.”

Both then withdrew; though, as she went, the Countess said, “Softly; all sleep; though all have not been prepared for sleep, like her. I would not have any one suspect, or she might be roused to resistance, and perhaps escape. Come with me to my room; we will remain there till the hour agreed upon.” They went. Idris, panic-struck, but animated and strengthened even by her excessive fear, dressed herself hurriedly, and going down a flight of back-stairs, avoiding the vicinity of her mother’s apartment, she contrived to escape from the castle by a low window, and came through snow, wind, and obscurity to my cottage; nor lost her courage, until she arrived, and, depositing her fate in my hands, gave herself up to the desperation and weariness that overwhelmed her.

Both then withdrew; however, as she left, the Countess said, “Quietly; everyone is asleep, though not everyone is ready for sleep like her. I wouldn't want anyone to suspect, or she might wake up and fight back, and maybe get away. Come with me to my room; we'll stay there until the agreed time.” They left. Idris, terrified but somehow energized and bolstered by her intense fear, quickly got dressed, and going down a back staircase—steering clear of her mother’s room—she managed to escape from the castle through a low window. She made her way through snow, wind, and darkness to my cottage, and didn't lose her courage until she arrived. Once there, surrendering her fate into my hands, she gave in to the desperation and exhaustion that overwhelmed her.

I comforted her as well as I might. Joy and exultation, were mine, to possess, and to save her. Yet not to excite fresh agitation in her, “per non turbar quel bel viso sereno,” I curbed my delight. I strove to quiet the eager dancing of my heart; I turned from her my eyes, beaming with too much tenderness, and proudly, to dark night, and the inclement atmosphere, murmured the expressions of my transport. We reached London, methought, all too soon; and yet I could not regret our speedy arrival, when I witnessed the extasy with which my beloved girl found herself in her brother’s arms, safe from every evil, under his unblamed protection.

I comforted her as best as I could. I felt joy and excitement at having her and saving her. But to avoid stirring up more distress in her, “per non turbar quel bel viso sereno,” I held back my happiness. I tried to calm the enthusiastic beating of my heart; I turned my gaze, filled with too much tenderness, away from her to the dark night and the harsh weather, murmuring my delight. We arrived in London, it felt, all too quickly; and yet I couldn’t regret getting there fast when I saw the ecstasy on my beloved girl's face as she found herself in her brother’s arms, safe from any harm, under his watchful protection.

Adrian wrote a brief note to his mother, informing her that Idris was under his care and guardianship. Several days elapsed, and at last an answer came, dated from Cologne. “It was useless,” the haughty and disappointed lady wrote, “for the Earl of Windsor and his sister to address again the injured parent, whose only expectation of tranquillity must be derived from oblivion of their existence. Her desires had been blasted, her schemes overthrown. She did not complain; in her brother’s court she would find, not compensation for their disobedience (filial unkindness admitted of none), but such a state of things and mode of life, as might best reconcile her to her fate. Under such circumstances, she positively declined any communication with them.”

Adrian wrote a short note to his mom, letting her know that Idris was in his care. Days went by, and finally, a response arrived, dated from Cologne. “It’s pointless,” the proud and disappointed woman wrote, “for the Earl of Windsor and his sister to reach out again to the wronged parent, whose only hope for peace must come from forgetting they exist. Her dreams had been shattered, her plans ruined. She didn’t complain; in her brother’s court, she would find not a way to make up for their disobedience (filial unkindness allowed for none), but a way of life that might help her accept her situation. Given these circumstances, she firmly refused any communication with them.”

Such were the strange and incredible events, that finally brought about my union with the sister of my best friend, with my adored Idris. With simplicity and courage she set aside the prejudices and opposition which were obstacles to my happiness, nor scrupled to give her hand, where she had given her heart. To be worthy of her, to raise myself to her height through the exertion of talents and virtue, to repay her love with devoted, unwearied tenderness, were the only thanks I could offer for the matchless gift.

Such were the strange and amazing events that eventually led to my union with the sister of my best friend, my beloved Idris. With grace and determination, she overcame the prejudices and opposition that stood in the way of my happiness, and she had no hesitation in giving her hand where she had already given her heart. The only way I could express my gratitude for this incredible gift was to be worthy of her, to elevate myself to her level through hard work and virtue, and to repay her love with devoted, tireless affection.

CHAPTER VI.

And now let the reader, passing over some short period of time, be introduced to our happy circle. Adrian, Idris and I, were established in Windsor Castle; Lord Raymond and my sister, inhabited a house which the former had built on the borders of the Great Park, near Perdita’s cottage, as was still named the low-roofed abode, where we two, poor even in hope, had each received the assurance of our felicity. We had our separate occupations and our common amusements. Sometimes we passed whole days under the leafy covert of the forest with our books and music. This occurred during those rare days in this country, when the sun mounts his etherial throne in unclouded majesty, and the windless atmosphere is as a bath of pellucid and grateful water, wrapping the senses in tranquillity. When the clouds veiled the sky, and the wind scattered them there and here, rending their woof, and strewing its fragments through the aerial plains—then we rode out, and sought new spots of beauty and repose. When the frequent rains shut us within doors, evening recreation followed morning study, ushered in by music and song. Idris had a natural musical talent; and her voice, which had been carefully cultivated, was full and sweet. Raymond and I made a part of the concert, and Adrian and Perdita were devout listeners. Then we were as gay as summer insects, playful as children; we ever met one another with smiles, and read content and joy in each other’s countenances. Our prime festivals were held in Perdita’s cottage; nor were we ever weary of talking of the past or dreaming of the future. Jealousy and disquiet were unknown among us; nor did a fear or hope of change ever disturb our tranquillity. Others said, We might be happy—we said—We are.

And now, let the reader, skipping over a short period of time, be introduced to our happy circle. Adrian, Idris, and I were settled in Windsor Castle; Lord Raymond and my sister lived in a house he built on the edge of the Great Park, near Perdita’s cottage, which still had that name, the small low-roofed home where we two, even in our struggles, found assurance of our happiness. We had our individual activities and shared pastimes. Sometimes, we spent whole days under the leafy cover of the forest with our books and music. This happened on those rare days in this country when the sun shone brightly without clouds, and the still atmosphere felt like a soothing bath, wrapping our senses in peace. When the clouds covered the sky, and the wind scattered them here and there, tearing them apart and spreading their bits across the sky—then we would ride out, seeking new spots of beauty and relaxation. When the frequent rains forced us indoors, evening activities followed our morning studies, starting with music and song. Idris had a natural musical talent, and her voice, carefully trained, was full and sweet. Raymond and I participated in the concert, while Adrian and Perdita were devoted listeners. At that time, we were as joyful as summer insects, playful as children; we always greeted each other with smiles, and saw contentment and happiness in one another’s faces. Our main celebrations took place in Perdita’s cottage; we never grew tired of reminiscing about the past or dreaming about the future. Jealousy and unease were foreign to us, and no fear or hope of change ever disturbed our peace. Others said we might be happy—we said—we are.

When any separation took place between us, it generally so happened, that Idris and Perdita would ramble away together, and we remained to discuss the affairs of nations, and the philosophy of life. The very difference of our dispositions gave zest to these conversations. Adrian had the superiority in learning and eloquence; but Raymond possessed a quick penetration, and a practical knowledge of life, which usually displayed itself in opposition to Adrian, and thus kept up the ball of discussion. At other times we made excursions of many days’ duration, and crossed the country to visit any spot noted for beauty or historical association. Sometimes we went up to London, and entered into the amusements of the busy throng; sometimes our retreat was invaded by visitors from among them. This change made us only the more sensible to the delights of the intimate intercourse of our own circle, the tranquillity of our divine forest, and our happy evenings in the halls of our beloved Castle.

Whenever we were separated, Idris and Perdita usually wandered off together, while the rest of us stayed behind to discuss national affairs and the philosophy of life. Our different personalities added excitement to these conversations. Adrian was more knowledgeable and articulate, but Raymond had sharp insights and practical life experience, which often created a lively debate with Adrian. At other times, we took trips that lasted several days, traveling across the countryside to visit places known for their beauty or historical significance. Occasionally, we went up to London to enjoy the bustling city life, and sometimes our peaceful retreat was interrupted by visitors from the city. These disruptions made us appreciate even more the joys of our close-knit group, the serenity of our beautiful forest, and our joyful evenings in the halls of our cherished Castle.

The disposition of Idris was peculiarly frank, soft, and affectionate. Her temper was unalterably sweet; and although firm and resolute on any point that touched her heart, she was yielding to those she loved. The nature of Perdita was less perfect; but tenderness and happiness improved her temper, and softened her natural reserve. Her understanding was clear and comprehensive, her imagination vivid; she was sincere, generous, and reasonable. Adrian, the matchless brother of my soul, the sensitive and excellent Adrian, loving all, and beloved by all, yet seemed destined not to find the half of himself, which was to complete his happiness. He often left us, and wandered by himself in the woods, or sailed in his little skiff, his books his only companions. He was often the gayest of our party, at the same time that he was the only one visited by fits of despondency; his slender frame seemed overcharged with the weight of life, and his soul appeared rather to inhabit his body than unite with it. I was hardly more devoted to my Idris than to her brother, and she loved him as her teacher, her friend, the benefactor who had secured to her the fulfilment of her dearest wishes. Raymond, the ambitious, restless Raymond, reposed midway on the great high-road of life, and was content to give up all his schemes of sovereignty and fame, to make one of us, the flowers of the field. His kingdom was the heart of Perdita, his subjects her thoughts; by her he was loved, respected as a superior being, obeyed, waited on. No office, no devotion, no watching was irksome to her, as it regarded him. She would sit apart from us and watch him; she would weep for joy to think that he was hers. She erected a temple for him in the depth of her being, and each faculty was a priestess vowed to his service. Sometimes she might be wayward and capricious; but her repentance was bitter, her return entire, and even this inequality of temper suited him who was not formed by nature to float idly down the stream of life.

The personality of Idris was uniquely open, gentle, and loving. Her mood was always sweet; even though she was firm and determined on anything that touched her heart, she was accommodating to those she cared about. Perdita's nature was less perfect, but kindness and happiness made her temper better and eased her natural reserve. She had a clear and broad understanding, a vivid imagination; she was honest, generous, and sensible. Adrian, my incomparable soulmate, the

During the first year of their marriage, Perdita presented Raymond with a lovely girl. It was curious to trace in this miniature model the very traits of its father. The same half-disdainful lips and smile of triumph, the same intelligent eyes, the same brow and chestnut hair; her very hands and taper fingers resembled his. How very dear she was to Perdita! In progress of time, I also became a father, and our little darlings, our playthings and delights, called forth a thousand new and delicious feelings.

During their first year of marriage, Perdita gave birth to a beautiful girl. It was interesting to see in this tiny version all the characteristics of her father. The same slightly scornful lips and triumphant smile, the same intelligent eyes, the same forehead and chestnut hair; even her hands and slender fingers looked like his. She was so precious to Perdita! Over time, I also became a father, and our little treasures, our toys and joys, brought out a thousand new and wonderful feelings.

Years passed thus,—even years. Each month brought forth its successor, each year one like to that gone by; truly, our lives were a living comment on that beautiful sentiment of Plutarch, that “our souls have a natural inclination to love, being born as much to love, as to feel, to reason, to understand and remember.” We talked of change and active pursuits, but still remained at Windsor, incapable of violating the charm that attached us to our secluded life.

Years went by—just like that. Each month brought another, and each year was similar to the one before; truly, our lives reflected that beautiful idea from Plutarch, that “our souls naturally want to love, as much as they are born to feel, reason, understand, and remember.” We talked about change and being active, but we still stayed at Windsor, unable to break the spell that tied us to our quiet life.

Pareamo aver qui tutto il ben raccolto
Che fra mortali in più parte si rimembra.

Pareamo avere qui tutto il bene raccolto
Che tra i mortali in gran parte si ricorda.

Now also that our children gave us occupation, we found excuses for our idleness, in the idea of bringing them up to a more splendid career. At length our tranquillity was disturbed, and the course of events, which for five years had flowed on in hushing tranquillity, was broken by breakers and obstacles, that woke us from our pleasant dream.

Now that our children kept us busy, we found reasons to justify our laziness by thinking we were raising them for a brighter future. Eventually, our peace was shattered, and the smooth flow of events that had lasted for five years was disrupted by challenges and hurdles that pulled us out of our happy dream.

A new Lord Protector of England was to be chosen; and, at Raymond’s request, we removed to London, to witness, and even take a part in the election. If Raymond had been united to Idris, this post had been his stepping-stone to higher dignity; and his desire for power and fame had been crowned with fullest measure. He had exchanged a sceptre for a lute, a kingdom for Perdita.

A new Lord Protector of England was set to be chosen, and at Raymond's request, we moved to London to witness and even participate in the election. If Raymond had married Idris, this position would have been his stepping stone to greater prestige; his ambition for power and fame would have been fully realized. He had traded a scepter for a lute, a kingdom for Perdita.

Did he think of this as we journeyed up to town? I watched him, but could make but little of him. He was particularly gay, playing with his child, and turning to sport every word that was uttered. Perhaps he did this because he saw a cloud upon Perdita’s brow. She tried to rouse herself, but her eyes every now and then filled with tears, and she looked wistfully on Raymond and her girl, as if fearful that some evil would betide them. And so she felt. A presentiment of ill hung over her. She leaned from the window looking on the forest, and the turrets of the Castle, and as these became hid by intervening objects, she passionately exclaimed—“Scenes of happiness! scenes sacred to devoted love, when shall I see you again! and when I see ye, shall I be still the beloved and joyous Perdita, or shall I, heart-broken and lost, wander among your groves, the ghost of what I am!”

Did he think about this as we drove into town? I watched him, but it was hard to read him. He seemed really cheerful, playing with his child and joking about everything that was said. Maybe he acted this way because he noticed the worry on Perdita’s face. She tried to lift her spirits, but her eyes kept filling with tears, and she looked at Raymond and her daughter with a sense of dread, as if fearing something bad would happen to them. And she truly felt that way. A sense of impending doom loomed over her. She leaned out of the window, gazing at the forest and the castle towers, and as they were obscured by passing scenery, she exclaimed passionately—“When will I see these scenes of happiness again, these places sacred to devoted love? And when I do see them, will I still be the beloved and joyful Perdita, or will I wander through your groves, heartbroken and lost, a shadow of who I used to be?”

“Why, silly one,” cried Raymond, “what is your little head pondering upon, that of a sudden you have become so sublimely dismal? Cheer up, or I shall make you over to Idris, and call Adrian into the carriage, who, I see by his gesture, sympathizes with my good spirits.”

“Why, you silly thing,” Raymond exclaimed, “what's going on in that little head of yours? You've become so unexpectedly gloomy all of a sudden. Cheer up, or I’ll hand you over to Idris and call Adrian into the carriage, who, from his gestures, clearly shares my cheerful mood.”

Adrian was on horseback; he rode up to the carriage, and his gaiety, in addition to that of Raymond, dispelled my sister’s melancholy. We entered London in the evening, and went to our several abodes near Hyde Park.

Adrian was on horseback; he rode up to the carriage, and his cheerful spirit, along with Raymond's, lifted my sister's sadness. We arrived in London in the evening and headed to our homes near Hyde Park.

The following morning Lord Raymond visited me early. “I come to you,” he said, “only half assured that you will assist me in my project, but resolved to go through with it, whether you concur with me or not. Promise me secrecy however; for if you will not contribute to my success, at least you must not baffle me.”

The next morning, Lord Raymond came to see me early. “I’m here,” he said, “only partly sure that you’ll help me with my plan, but determined to go ahead with it, whether you agree with me or not. Just promise me you'll keep it a secret; if you won’t help me succeed, at least don’t get in my way.”

“Well, I promise. And now—-”

“Well, I promise. And now—”

“And now, my dear fellow, for what are we come to London? To be present at the election of a Protector, and to give our yea or nay for his shuffling Grace of——? or for that noisy Ryland? Do you believe, Verney, that I brought you to town for that? No, we will have a Protector of our own. We will set up a candidate, and ensure his success. We will nominate Adrian, and do our best to bestow on him the power to which he is entitled by his birth, and which he merits through his virtues.

"And now, my dear friend, why are we in London? To participate in the election of a Protector and to cast our vote for that slippery Duke of——? Or for that loud Ryland? Do you really think, Verney, that I brought you to town for that? No, we will choose our own Protector. We will put forward a candidate and make sure he succeeds. We will nominate Adrian and do everything we can to give him the power he deserves by birth and the honor he has earned through his character."

“Do not answer; I know all your objections, and will reply to them in order. First, Whether he will or will not consent to become a great man? Leave the task of persuasion on that point to me; I do not ask you to assist me there. Secondly, Whether he ought to exchange his employment of plucking blackberries, and nursing wounded partridges in the forest, for the command of a nation? My dear Lionel, we are married men, and find employment sufficient in amusing our wives, and dancing our children. But Adrian is alone, wifeless, childless, unoccupied. I have long observed him. He pines for want of some interest in life. His heart, exhausted by his early sufferings, reposes like a new-healed limb, and shrinks from all excitement. But his understanding, his charity, his virtues, want a field for exercise and display; and we will procure it for him. Besides, is it not a shame, that the genius of Adrian should fade from the earth like a flower in an untrod mountain-path, fruitless? Do you think Nature composed his surpassing machine for no purpose? Believe me, he was destined to be the author of infinite good to his native England. Has she not bestowed on him every gift in prodigality?—birth, wealth, talent, goodness? Does not every one love and admire him? and does he not delight singly in such efforts as manifest his love to all? Come, I see that you are already persuaded, and will second me when I propose him to-night in parliament.”

“Don’t answer; I know all your objections, and I’ll address them one by one. First, will he agree to become a great man? Just leave the convincing part to me; I don’t need your help with that. Secondly, should he trade his role of picking blackberries and caring for injured partridges in the forest for leading a nation? My dear Lionel, we’re married men and have plenty to keep us busy with our wives and raising our children. But Adrian is alone, without a wife, childless, and without a purpose. I’ve watched him for a long time. He’s withering away without some interest in life. His heart, worn out from his early struggles, is like a newly healed limb, hesitant to face excitement. But his mind, his kindness, his virtues need a place to be used and shown; we’ll make that happen for him. Besides, isn’t it a shame for Adrian’s genius to fade away like a flower on an untouched mountain path, without bearing fruit? Do you think Nature made him with such exceptional qualities for no reason? Believe me, he was meant to create immense good for his home country of England. Hasn’t she given him an abundance of gifts? Birth, wealth, talent, goodness? Doesn’t everyone love and admire him? And doesn’t he take joy in the efforts that show his love for everyone? Come on, I can see you’re already convinced and will support me when I propose him tonight in parliament.”

“You have got up all your arguments in excellent order,” I replied; “and, if Adrian consent, they are unanswerable. One only condition I would make, —that you do nothing without his concurrence.”

“You’ve laid out all your arguments really well,” I replied; “and, if Adrian agrees, they’re unbeatable. I only have one condition—make sure you don’t do anything without his agreement.”

“I believe you are in the right,” said Raymond; “although I had thought at first to arrange the affair differently. Be it so. I will go instantly to Adrian; and, if he inclines to consent, you will not destroy my labour by persuading him to return, and turn squirrel again in Windsor Forest. Idris, you will not act the traitor towards me?”

“I believe you’re right,” said Raymond; “although I initially thought to handle the situation differently. It is what it is. I'll go talk to Adrian right away; and if he's willing to agree, you won’t sabotage my efforts by convincing him to go back and act like a squirrel in Windsor Forest. Idris, you won’t betray me, will you?”

“Trust me,” replied she, “I will preserve a strict neutrality.”

“Trust me,” she replied, “I will stay completely neutral.”

“For my part,” said I, “I am too well convinced of the worth of our friend, and the rich harvest of benefits that all England would reap from his Protectorship, to deprive my countrymen of such a blessing, if he consent to bestow it on them.”

“For my part,” I said, “I am absolutely convinced of our friend’s value and the immense benefits that all of England would gain from his Protectorship, so I wouldn’t want to deny my fellow countrymen such a blessing if he agrees to give it to them.”

In the evening Adrian visited us.—“Do you cabal also against me,” said he, laughing; “and will you make common cause with Raymond, in dragging a poor visionary from the clouds to surround him with the fire-works and blasts of earthly grandeur, instead of heavenly rays and airs? I thought you knew me better.”

In the evening, Adrian came to see us. “Are you all plotting against me?” he asked, laughing. “Are you teaming up with Raymond to bring a poor dreamer down from the clouds and surround him with the flashy, loud distractions of the real world instead of the peaceful light and air of the heavens? I thought you knew me better.”

“I do know you better,” I replied “than to think that you would be happy in such a situation; but the good you would do to others may be an inducement, since the time is probably arrived when you can put your theories into practice, and you may bring about such reformation and change, as will conduce to that perfect system of government which you delight to portray.”

“I know you better,” I replied, “than to think you would be happy in such a situation; but the good you could do for others might be a motivation, since the time has likely come when you can put your theories into action, and you could lead to the kind of reform and change that will contribute to that ideal system of government you love to describe.”

“You speak of an almost-forgotten dream,” said Adrian, his countenance slightly clouding as he spoke; “the visions of my boyhood have long since faded in the light of reality; I know now that I am not a man fitted to govern nations; sufficient for me, if I keep in wholesome rule the little kingdom of my own mortality.

“You talk about a dream I almost forgot,” Adrian said, his expression growing a little troubled as he spoke. “The dreams of my youth have long faded in the harsh light of reality. I realize now that I’m not someone suited to rule nations; it’s enough for me to manage my own little world of mortality.”

“But do not you see, Lionel, the drift of our noble friend; a drift, perhaps, unknown to himself, but apparent to me. Lord Raymond was never born to be a drone in the hive, and to find content in our pastoral life. He thinks, that he ought to be satisfied; he imagines, that his present situation precludes the possibility of aggrandisement; he does not therefore, even in his own heart, plan change for himself. But do you not see, that, under the idea of exalting me, he is chalking out a new path for himself; a path of action from which he has long wandered?

"But don't you see, Lionel, where our noble friend is headed; a direction that maybe he doesn't even realize, but is clear to me. Lord Raymond was never meant to be a bystander in life, content with our simple days. He thinks he should be happy; he believes that his current situation rules out any chance for advancement; so he doesn’t even consider making changes for himself. But don't you see that, in his effort to elevate me, he is actually mapping out a new course for himself; a path of action he has strayed from for a long time?"

“Let us assist him. He, the noble, the warlike, the great in every quality that can adorn the mind and person of man; he is fitted to be the Protector of England. If I—that is, if we propose him, he will assuredly be elected, and will find, in the functions of that high office, scope for the towering powers of his mind. Even Perdita will rejoice. Perdita, in whom ambition was a covered fire until she married Raymond, which event was for a time the fulfilment of her hopes; Perdita will rejoice in the glory and advancement of her lord—and, coyly and prettily, not be discontented with her share. In the mean time, we, the wise of the land, will return to our Castle, and, Cincinnatus-like, take to our usual labours, until our friend shall require our presence and assistance here.”

“Let's help him. He, the noble one, the warrior, outstanding in every way that enhances a person's character and appearance; he's meant to be the Protector of England. If I—that is, if we nominate him, he'll definitely be elected and will find, in the responsibilities of that prestigious position, plenty of opportunities to showcase his impressive abilities. Even Perdita will be happy. Perdita, whose ambition was a hidden flame until she married Raymond, which for a time seemed to fulfill her dreams; Perdita will take pride in her husband's glory and success—and, playfully and charmingly, won't be dissatisfied with her role. Meanwhile, we, the wise individuals of the land, will head back to our Castle and, like Cincinnatus, return to our usual work until our friend needs our support and presence here.”

The more Adrian reasoned upon this scheme, the more feasible it appeared. His own determination never to enter into public life was insurmountable, and the delicacy of his health was a sufficient argument against it. The next step was to induce Raymond to confess his secret wishes for dignity and fame. He entered while we were speaking. The way in which Adrian had received his project for setting him up as a candidate for the Protectorship, and his replies, had already awakened in his mind, the view of the subject which we were now discussing. His countenance and manner betrayed irresolution and anxiety; but the anxiety arose from a fear that we should not prosecute, or not succeed in our idea; and his irresolution, from a doubt whether we should risk a defeat. A few words from us decided him, and hope and joy sparkled in his eyes; the idea of embarking in a career, so congenial to his early habits and cherished wishes, made him as before energetic and bold. We discussed his chances, the merits of the other candidates, and the dispositions of the voters.

The more Adrian thought about this plan, the more doable it seemed. His firm decision never to get involved in public life was unshakeable, and his delicate health was a solid reason against it. The next step was to get Raymond to admit his hidden desires for status and recognition. He walked in while we were talking. The way Adrian had reacted to his idea of running for the Protectorship and his responses had already made Raymond consider the topic we were now discussing. His expression and behavior showed uncertainty and worry; but his worry came from a fear that we might not pursue or succeed with our idea, and his uncertainty stemmed from a doubt about whether we should risk a failure. A few encouraging words from us convinced him, and hope and joy sparkled in his eyes; the thought of starting a career that matched his early habits and long-held dreams made him energetic and bold once again. We talked about his chances, the strengths of the other candidates, and how the voters might lean.

After all we miscalculated. Raymond had lost much of his popularity, and was deserted by his peculiar partizans. Absence from the busy stage had caused him to be forgotten by the people; his former parliamentary supporters were principally composed of royalists, who had been willing to make an idol of him when he appeared as the heir of the Earldom of Windsor; but who were indifferent to him, when he came forward with no other attributes and distinctions than they conceived to be common to many among themselves. Still he had many friends, admirers of his transcendent talents; his presence in the house, his eloquence, address and imposing beauty, were calculated to produce an electric effect. Adrian also, notwithstanding his recluse habits and theories, so adverse to the spirit of party, had many friends, and they were easily induced to vote for a candidate of his selection.

After all, we miscalculated. Raymond had lost much of his popularity and had been abandoned by his unusual supporters. Being away from the public eye caused him to be forgotten by the people; his former parliamentary backers were mainly royalists, who had been eager to idolize him when he was presented as the heir to the Earldom of Windsor, but became indifferent when he appeared without any unique qualities or accolades that they believed were common among themselves. Still, he had many friends who admired his exceptional talents; his presence in the house, along with his eloquence, charm, and striking looks, were sure to create an impressive impact. Adrian, despite his reclusive habits and theories that were contrary to party spirit, also had many friends, and they were easily persuaded to vote for a candidate he suggested.

The Duke of——, and Mr. Ryland, Lord Raymond’s old antagonist, were the other candidates. The Duke was supported by all the aristocrats of the republic, who considered him their proper representative. Ryland was the popular candidate; when Lord Raymond was first added to the list, his chance of success appeared small. We retired from the debate which had followed on his nomination: we, his nominators, mortified; he dispirited to excess. Perdita reproached us bitterly. Her expectations had been strongly excited; she had urged nothing against our project, on the contrary, she was evidently pleased by it; but its evident ill success changed the current of her ideas. She felt, that, once awakened, Raymond would never return unrepining to Windsor. His habits were unhinged; his restless mind roused from its sleep, ambition must now be his companion through life; and if he did not succeed in his present attempt, she foresaw that unhappiness and cureless discontent would follow. Perhaps her own disappointment added a sting to her thoughts and words; she did not spare us, and our own reflections added to our disquietude.

The Duke of—— and Mr. Ryland, Lord Raymond’s old rival, were the other candidates. The Duke had the backing of all the aristocrats in the republic, who saw him as their rightful representative. Ryland was the popular choice; when Lord Raymond was first added to the list, his chances of winning seemed slim. We stepped away from the debate that followed his nomination, feeling embarrassed, while he was extremely disheartened. Perdita scolded us harshly. She had high hopes; she hadn’t voiced any objections to our plan, and in fact, she seemed pleased with it. But the obvious failure shifted her perspective. She sensed that once awakened, Raymond would never return to Windsor without a sense of loss. His routines were thrown off; his restless mind, stirred from its slumber, would now carry ambition as a lifelong companion. If he didn’t succeed in this attempt, she feared that unhappiness and unresolvable discontent would follow. Perhaps her own disappointment intensified her thoughts and words; she showed no mercy towards us, and our own reflections deepened our unease.

It was necessary to follow up our nomination, and to persuade Raymond to present himself to the electors on the following evening. For a long time he was obstinate. He would embark in a balloon; he would sail for a distant quarter of the world, where his name and humiliation were unknown. But this was useless; his attempt was registered; his purpose published to the world; his shame could never be erased from the memories of men. It was as well to fail at last after a struggle, as to fly now at the beginning of his enterprise.

It was important to follow up on our nomination and convince Raymond to show up to the voters the next evening. For a while, he was stubborn. He wanted to take off in a balloon or sail to a far-off place where no one knew his name or his shame. But that wouldn’t change anything; his attempt was recorded, his intentions made public, and his embarrassment could never be erased from people's memories. It was better to ultimately fail after putting up a fight than to run away at the start of his endeavor.

From the moment that he adopted this idea, he was changed. His depression and anxiety fled; he became all life and activity. The smile of triumph shone on his countenance; determined to pursue his object to the uttermost, his manner and expression seem ominous of the accomplishment of his wishes. Not so Perdita. She was frightened by his gaiety, for she dreaded a greater revulsion at the end. If his appearance even inspired us with hope, it only rendered the state of her mind more painful. She feared to lose sight of him; yet she dreaded to remark any change in the temper of his mind. She listened eagerly to him, yet tantalized herself by giving to his words a meaning foreign to their true interpretation, and adverse to her hopes. She dared not be present at the contest; yet she remained at home a prey to double solicitude. She wept over her little girl; she looked, she spoke, as if she dreaded the occurrence of some frightful calamity. She was half mad from the effects of uncontrollable agitation.

From the moment he embraced this idea, he changed completely. His depression and anxiety disappeared; he was full of life and energy. A triumphant smile lit up his face; determined to achieve his goals, his demeanor and expression hinted at the realization of his desires. Not so for Perdita. She was unsettled by his happiness, fearing a bigger crash afterward. While his appearance sparked hope in us, it made her mental state even more painful. She was scared to lose sight of him, but she also dreaded noticing any change in his mood. She listened to him intently, yet tortured herself by twisting his words into something that went against their true meaning and her hopes. She couldn't bear to be there for the contest; instead, she stayed home, consumed by anxiety. She cried over her little girl; she looked and spoke as if she feared a terrible disaster was imminent. She was almost out of her mind from the overwhelming agitation.

Lord Raymond presented himself to the house with fearless confidence and insinuating address. After the Duke of——and Mr. Ryland had finished their speeches, he commenced. Assuredly he had not conned his lesson; and at first he hesitated, pausing in his ideas, and in the choice of his expressions. By degrees he warmed; his words flowed with ease, his language was full of vigour, and his voice of persuasion. He reverted to his past life, his successes in Greece, his favour at home. Why should he lose this, now that added years, prudence, and the pledge which his marriage gave to his country, ought to encrease, rather than diminish his claims to confidence? He spoke of the state of England; the necessary measures to be taken to ensure its security, and confirm its prosperity. He drew a glowing picture of its present situation. As he spoke, every sound was hushed, every thought suspended by intense attention. His graceful elocution enchained the senses of his hearers. In some degree also he was fitted to reconcile all parties. His birth pleased the aristocracy; his being the candidate recommended by Adrian, a man intimately allied to the popular party, caused a number, who had no great reliance either on the Duke or Mr. Ryland, to range on his side.

Lord Raymond walked into the room with fearless confidence and a persuasive manner. After the Duke of—— and Mr. Ryland wrapped up their speeches, he began. It was clear he hadn’t memorized what to say; at first, he hesitated, struggling to articulate his thoughts. Gradually, he found his rhythm; his words began to flow easily, his language was vibrant, and his voice persuasive. He reflected on his past, his achievements in Greece, and his popularity back home. Why should he lose this now, especially since his years of experience, wisdom, and the commitment his marriage symbolized should actually strengthen his claim to trust? He discussed the state of England, outlining the necessary actions to ensure its safety and boost its prosperity. He painted a vivid picture of the current situation. As he spoke, the room fell silent, and everyone listened intently. His graceful speech captivated his audience. To some extent, he was also able to unite different factions. His noble birth appealed to the aristocrats; being endorsed by Adrian, who was closely connected to the popular party, attracted those who didn’t have much faith in the Duke or Mr. Ryland, bringing them to his side.

The contest was keen and doubtful. Neither Adrian nor myself would have been so anxious, if our own success had depended on our exertions; but we had egged our friend on to the enterprise, and it became us to ensure his triumph. Idris, who entertained the highest opinion of his abilities, was warmly interested in the event: and my poor sister, who dared not hope, and to whom fear was misery, was plunged into a fever of disquietude.

The competition was intense and uncertain. Neither Adrian nor I would have been so anxious if our own success depended on our efforts; but we had encouraged our friend to take this on, and it was our responsibility to help him succeed. Idris, who had the highest regard for his talents, was deeply invested in the outcome, and my poor sister, who couldn’t bring herself to hope and was tormented by fear, was overwhelmed with anxiety.

Day after day passed while we discussed our projects for the evening, and each night was occupied by debates which offered no conclusion. At last the crisis came: the night when parliament, which had so long delayed its choice, must decide: as the hour of twelve passed, and the new day began, it was by virtue of the constitution dissolved, its power extinct.

Day after day went by as we talked about our evening projects, and each night was filled with debates that led nowhere. Finally, the moment arrived: the night when parliament, which had postponed its decision for so long, had to make a choice. As the clock struck twelve and a new day began, it was officially dissolved by the constitution, and its power was gone.

We assembled at Raymond’s house, we and our partizans. At half past five o’clock we proceeded to the House. Idris endeavoured to calm Perdita; but the poor girl’s agitation deprived her of all power of self-command. She walked up and down the room,—gazed wildly when any one entered, fancying that they might be the announcers of her doom. I must do justice to my sweet sister: it was not for herself that she was thus agonized. She alone knew the weight which Raymond attached to his success. Even to us he assumed gaiety and hope, and assumed them so well, that we did not divine the secret workings of his mind. Sometimes a nervous trembling, a sharp dissonance of voice, and momentary fits of absence revealed to Perdita the violence he did himself; but we, intent on our plans, observed only his ready laugh, his joke intruded on all occasions, the flow of his spirits which seemed incapable of ebb. Besides, Perdita was with him in his retirement; she saw the moodiness that succeeded to this forced hilarity; she marked his disturbed sleep, his painful irritability—once she had seen his tears—hers had scarce ceased to flow, since she had beheld the big drops which disappointed pride had caused to gather in his eye, but which pride was unable to dispel. What wonder then, that her feelings were wrought to this pitch! I thus accounted to myself for her agitation; but this was not all, and the sequel revealed another excuse.

We gathered at Raymond's house, along with our supporters. At half past five, we headed to the House. Idris tried to calm Perdita, but the poor girl was so upset that she couldn't control herself. She paced back and forth in the room, staring wildly at anyone who entered, fearing they might bring bad news. I must give credit to my sweet sister: it wasn’t her own troubles that were causing her distress. She alone understood how much pressure Raymond was under to succeed. Even around us, he acted cheerful and hopeful, and he did it so convincingly that we didn't sense the turmoil he was hiding. Sometimes, a nervous tremor, a strained voice, and moments of distraction revealed the inner struggle he was experiencing; but we, focused on our plans, only noticed his easy laughter, his jokes at every opportunity, and his seemingly endless energy. Besides, Perdita was alone with him in private; she witnessed the moodiness that followed his forced cheerfulness; she noticed his restless sleep and his painful irritability—once, she had even seen him cry—while hers had hardly stopped since she saw the tears that disappointment brought to his eyes, tears that pride couldn’t wipe away. No wonder her emotions were so intense! I explained her agitation to myself like that; but there was more, and what happened next gave another reason.

One moment we seized before our departure, to take leave of our beloved girls. I had small hope of success, and entreated Idris to watch over my sister. As I approached the latter, she seized my hand, and drew me into another apartment; she threw herself into my arms, and wept and sobbed bitterly and long. I tried to soothe her; I bade her hope; I asked what tremendous consequences would ensue even on our failure. “My brother,” she cried, “protector of my childhood, dear, most dear Lionel, my fate hangs by a thread. I have you all about me now—you, the companion of my infancy; Adrian, as dear to me as if bound by the ties of blood; Idris, the sister of my heart, and her lovely offspring. This, O this may be the last time that you will surround me thus!”

One moment we took before leaving was to say goodbye to our beloved girls. I had little hope of success and asked Idris to look after my sister. As I got closer to her, she took my hand and pulled me into another room; she threw herself into my arms and cried and sobbed for a long time. I tried to comfort her; I told her to have hope; I asked what terrible consequences would follow even if we failed. “My brother,” she cried, “protector of my childhood, my dear, dear Lionel, my fate hangs by a thread. I have everyone I love around me now—you, my childhood companion; Adrian, as dear to me as if we were blood-related; Idris, the sister of my heart, and her beautiful children. This, oh this may be the last time that you will be here with me like this!”

Abruptly she stopped, and then cried: “What have I said?—foolish false girl that I am!” She looked wildly on me, and then suddenly calming herself, apologized for what she called her unmeaning words, saying that she must indeed be insane, for, while Raymond lived, she must be happy; and then, though she still wept, she suffered me tranquilly to depart. Raymond only took her hand when he went, and looked on her expressively; she answered by a look of intelligence and assent.

Abruptly, she stopped and exclaimed, “What have I just said?—what a foolish, deceptive girl I am!” She looked at me with wide eyes, and then, suddenly calming down, she apologized for what she called her meaningless words, saying that she must truly be crazy, because while Raymond was alive, she should be happy; and then, even though she was still crying, she let me leave peacefully. Raymond only took her hand when he left and looked at her meaningfully; she responded with a look of understanding and agreement.

Poor girl! what she then suffered! I could never entirely forgive Raymond for the trials he imposed on her, occasioned as they were by a selfish feeling on his part. He had schemed, if he failed in his present attempt, without taking leave of any of us, to embark for Greece, and never again to revisit England. Perdita acceded to his wishes; for his contentment was the chief object of her life, the crown of her enjoyment; but to leave us all, her companions, the beloved partners of her happiest years, and in the interim to conceal this frightful determination, was a task that almost conquered her strength of mind. She had been employed in arranging for their departure; she had promised Raymond during this decisive evening, to take advantage of our absence, to go one stage of the journey, and he, after his defeat was ascertained, would slip away from us, and join her.

Poor girl! What she went through! I could never fully forgive Raymond for the hardships he put her through, all because of his selfishness. He had planned, if he didn't succeed in this attempt, to leave without telling any of us, set off for Greece, and never come back to England. Perdita agreed to his wishes because his happiness was the main focus of her life, the highlight of her joy. But to leave us all, her friends, the cherished companions of her happiest years, and to hide this terrible decision in the meantime, was a challenge that nearly broke her spirit. She had been busy preparing for their departure; she promised Raymond during that crucial evening to take advantage of our absence to go one leg of the journey, and after it was clear he had failed, he would quietly leave us and join her.

Although, when I was informed of this scheme, I was bitterly offended by the small attention which Raymond paid to my sister’s feelings, I was led by reflection to consider, that he acted under the force of such strong excitement, as to take from him the consciousness, and, consequently, the guilt of a fault. If he had permitted us to witness his agitation, he would have been more under the guidance of reason; but his struggles for the shew of composure, acted with such violence on his nerves, as to destroy his power of self-command. I am convinced that, at the worst, he would have returned from the seashore to take leave of us, and to make us the partners of his council. But the task imposed on Perdita was not the less painful. He had extorted from her a vow of secrecy; and her part of the drama, since it was to be performed alone, was the most agonizing that could be devised. But to return to my narrative.

Although I was deeply offended by the little consideration Raymond showed for my sister's feelings when I found out about his plan, I came to realize that he was so overwhelmed by strong emotions that he lost awareness of his actions and the guilt that came with them. If he had allowed us to see his distress, he might have been more rational; however, his efforts to appear calm took such a toll on his nerves that he completely lost his self-control. I'm convinced that, at the very least, he would have come back from the beach to say goodbye and include us in his decision-making. Still, what Perdita had to endure was no less painful. He had forced her to promise to keep it a secret, and her role in this drama, performed alone, was the most agonizing one imaginable. But to get back to my story.

The debates had hitherto been long and loud; they had often been protracted merely for the sake of delay. But now each seemed fearful lest the fatal moment should pass, while the choice was yet undecided. Unwonted silence reigned in the house, the members spoke in whispers, and the ordinary business was transacted with celerity and quietness. During the first stage of the election, the Duke of——had been thrown out; the question therefore lay between Lord Raymond and Mr. Ryland. The latter had felt secure of victory, until the appearance of Raymond; and, since his name had been inserted as a candidate, he had canvassed with eagerness. He had appeared each evening, impatience and anger marked in his looks, scowling on us from the opposite side of St. Stephen’s, as if his mere frown would cast eclipse on our hopes.

The debates had been long and loud up until now; they had often dragged on just to stall. But now everyone seemed worried that the critical moment would pass while the choice was still unresolved. An unusual silence filled the room, members talked in whispers, and the usual business was handled quickly and quietly. During the first stage of the election, the Duke of——had been eliminated; so the decision was now between Lord Raymond and Mr. Ryland. Ryland had felt confident he would win until Raymond entered the race. Since Raymond's name had come up as a candidate, Ryland had campaigned vigorously. He had shown up every evening, his impatience and anger clear on his face, glaring at us from the opposite side of St. Stephen’s, as if his mere scowl could overshadow our hopes.

Every thing in the English constitution had been regulated for the better preservation of peace. On the last day, two candidates only were allowed to remain; and to obviate, if possible, the last struggle between these, a bribe was offered to him who should voluntarily resign his pretensions; a place of great emolument and honour was given him, and his success facilitated at a future election. Strange to say however, no instance had yet occurred, where either candidate had had recourse to this expedient; in consequence the law had become obsolete, nor had been referred to by any of us in our discussions. To our extreme surprise, when it was moved that we should resolve ourselves into a committee for the election of the Lord Protector, the member who had nominated Ryland, rose and informed us that this candidate had resigned his pretensions. His information was at first received with silence; a confused murmur succeeded; and, when the chairman declared Lord Raymond duly chosen, it amounted to a shout of applause and victory. It seemed as if, far from any dread of defeat even if Mr. Ryland had not resigned, every voice would have been united in favour of our candidate. In fact, now that the idea of contest was dismissed, all hearts returned to their former respect and admiration of our accomplished friend. Each felt, that England had never seen a Protector so capable of fulfilling the arduous duties of that high office. One voice made of many voices, resounded through the chamber; it syllabled the name of Raymond.

Everything in the English constitution had been set up to better maintain peace. On the last day, only two candidates were allowed to stay in the running; to avoid a last-minute struggle between them, a bribe was offered to the one who would voluntarily withdraw his candidacy. He was given a position of great prestige and financial reward, as well as support for a future election. Surprisingly, however, there had been no instance where either candidate had resorted to this option; as a result, the law had fallen into disuse and hadn’t come up in any of our discussions. To our great surprise, when it was proposed that we form a committee to elect the Lord Protector, the member who nominated Ryland stood up and informed us that this candidate had withdrawn his candidacy. His announcement was initially met with silence, followed by a confused murmur; and when the chairman declared Lord Raymond the winner, it erupted into applause and cheers of victory. It seemed that, far from fearing defeat even if Mr. Ryland had not stepped down, every voice would have rallied behind our candidate. In fact, now that the idea of contest was gone, everyone’s feelings returned to their previous respect and admiration for our accomplished friend. Each person felt that England had never seen a Protector so capable of handling the challenging responsibilities of that high office. A chorus of voices echoed through the chamber, calling out the name of Raymond.

He entered. I was on one of the highest seats, and saw him walk up the passage to the table of the speaker. The native modesty of his disposition conquered the joy of his triumph. He looked round timidly; a mist seemed before his eyes. Adrian, who was beside me, hastened to him, and jumping down the benches, was at his side in a moment. His appearance re-animated our friend; and, when he came to speak and act, his hesitation vanished, and he shone out supreme in majesty and victory. The former Protector tendered him the oaths, and presented him with the insignia of office, performing the ceremonies of installation. The house then dissolved. The chief members of the state crowded round the new magistrate, and conducted him to the palace of government. Adrian suddenly vanished; and, by the time that Raymond’s supporters were reduced to our intimate friends merely, returned leading Idris to congratulate her friend on his success.

He walked in. I was sitting in one of the highest seats and saw him make his way up the aisle to the speaker's table. His natural modesty overwhelmed the joy of his victory. He looked around nervously; a haze seemed to cloud his eyes. Adrian, who was next to me, rushed to him and jumped down from the benches to reach him in no time. His presence energized our friend, and when it was his turn to speak and act, his hesitation disappeared, and he stood out with great authority and triumph. The former Protector administered the oaths and presented him with the symbols of his office, carrying out the installation ceremonies. The session then ended. The key members of the state gathered around the new leader and escorted him to the government palace. Adrian suddenly disappeared, and by the time Raymond's supporters dwindled down to just our close friends, he returned leading Idris to congratulate her friend on his achievement.

But where was Perdita? In securing solicitously an unobserved retreat in case of failure, Raymond had forgotten to arrange the mode by which she was to hear of his success; and she had been too much agitated to revert to this circumstance. When Idris entered, so far had Raymond forgotten himself, that he asked for my sister; one word, which told of her mysterious disappearance, recalled him. Adrian it is true had already gone to seek the fugitive, imagining that her tameless anxiety had led her to the purlieus of the House, and that some sinister event detained her. But Raymond, without explaining himself, suddenly quitted us, and in another moment we heard him gallop down the street, in spite of the wind and rain that scattered tempest over the earth. We did not know how far he had to go, and soon separated, supposing that in a short time he would return to the palace with Perdita, and that they would not be sorry to find themselves alone.

But where was Perdita? In his effort to ensure a private escape plan in case things went wrong, Raymond had forgotten to figure out how she would learn about his success; and she was too distressed to think about this detail. When Idris came in, Raymond had forgotten himself enough to ask for my sister; one word about her mysterious disappearance brought him back to reality. Adrian had already gone looking for her, thinking her restless anxiety had led her to the outskirts of the House, and that something unfortunate was keeping her there. But Raymond, without explaining anything, suddenly left us, and moments later we heard him galloping down the street, undeterred by the wind and rain that lashed at the earth. We didn’t know how far he had to go and soon parted ways, assuming he would be back at the palace with Perdita shortly, and that they would appreciate some time alone.

Perdita had arrived with her child at Dartford, weeping and inconsolable. She directed everything to be prepared for the continuance of their journey, and placing her lovely sleeping charge on a bed, passed several hours in acute suffering. Sometimes she observed the war of elements, thinking that they also declared against her, and listened to the pattering of the rain in gloomy despair. Sometimes she hung over her child, tracing her resemblance to the father, and fearful lest in after life she should display the same passions and uncontrollable impulses, that rendered him unhappy. Again, with a gush of pride and delight, she marked in the features of her little girl, the same smile of beauty that often irradiated Raymond’s countenance. The sight of it soothed her. She thought of the treasure she possessed in the affections of her lord; of his accomplishments, surpassing those of his contemporaries, his genius, his devotion to her.—Soon she thought, that all she possessed in the world, except him, might well be spared, nay, given with delight, a propitiatory offering, to secure the supreme good she retained in him. Soon she imagined, that fate demanded this sacrifice from her, as a mark she was devoted to Raymond, and that it must be made with cheerfulness. She figured to herself their life in the Greek isle he had selected for their retreat; her task of soothing him; her cares for the beauteous Clara, her rides in his company, her dedication of herself to his consolation. The picture then presented itself to her in such glowing colours, that she feared the reverse, and a life of magnificence and power in London; where Raymond would no longer be hers only, nor she the sole source of happiness to him. So far as she merely was concerned, she began to hope for defeat; and it was only on his account that her feelings vacillated, as she heard him gallop into the court-yard of the inn. That he should come to her alone, wetted by the storm, careless of every thing except speed, what else could it mean, than that, vanquished and solitary, they were to take their way from native England, the scene of shame, and hide themselves in the myrtle groves of the Grecian isles?

Perdita had arrived with her child at Dartford, crying and heartbroken. She ordered everything to be prepared for the continuation of their journey, and placing her lovely sleeping child on a bed, she spent several hours in intense pain. Sometimes she watched the storm, thinking it was against her too, and listened to the rain falling in gloomy despair. Other times, she leaned over her child, noticing her resemblance to the father, worried that she might one day show the same passions and uncontrollable impulses that made him unhappy. Again, with a rush of pride and joy, she saw in her little girl’s features the same beautiful smile that often lit up Raymond’s face. The sight comforted her. She thought about the treasure she had in her lord’s affection; his skills, surpassing those of his peers, his genius, and his devotion to her. Soon she considered that everything she had in the world, except for him, could well be given up willingly as a sacrifice to ensure the ultimate good she held in him. She imagined that fate required this sacrifice from her as a sign of her dedication to Raymond and that it must be done with joy. She envisioned their life on the Greek island he had chosen for their escape; her role in comforting him, her care for the beautiful Clara, their rides together, her commitment to his happiness. The picture became so vivid that she began to fear losing it, along with a life of luxury and power in London; where Raymond would no longer belong only to her, nor would she be his sole source of joy. As far as her own happiness was concerned, she started to hope for failure, and it was only for his sake that her emotions wavered when she heard him ride into the inn’s courtyard. That he would come to her alone, soaked from the storm, unconcerned about anything but speed, what else could it mean but that, defeated and alone, they were meant to leave their native England, the scene of disgrace, and hide away in the myrtle groves of the Greek islands?

In a moment she was in his arms. The knowledge of his success had become so much a part of himself, that he forgot that it was necessary to impart it to his companion. She only felt in his embrace a dear assurance that while he possessed her, he would not despair. “This is kind,” she cried; “this is noble, my own beloved! O fear not disgrace or lowly fortune, while you have your Perdita; fear not sorrow, while our child lives and smiles. Let us go even where you will; the love that accompanies us will prevent our regrets.”

In no time, she was in his arms. The fact that he had succeeded had become such a part of him that he didn’t think to share it with her. All she felt in his embrace was a comforting assurance that as long as he had her, he wouldn’t lose hope. “This is so kind,” she exclaimed; “this is noble, my beloved! Oh, don’t be afraid of disgrace or hard times while you have your Perdita; don’t fear sadness as long as our child is alive and happy. Let’s go wherever you want; the love we share will keep us from regretting anything.”

Locked in his embrace, she spoke thus, and cast back her head, seeking an assent to her words in his eyes—they were sparkling with ineffable delight. “Why, my little Lady Protectress,” said he, playfully, “what is this you say? And what pretty scheme have you woven of exile and obscurity, while a brighter web, a gold-enwoven tissue, is that which, in truth, you ought to contemplate?”

Locked in his embrace, she spoke and tilted her head back, looking for agreement in his eyes—they sparkled with pure joy. “Why, my little Lady Protectress,” he said, playfully, “what is this you’re saying? And what lovely plan have you spun about exile and obscurity, when you should really be focusing on a brighter future, a golden opportunity, that is actually in front of you?”

He kissed her brow—but the wayward girl, half sorry at his triumph, agitated by swift change of thought, hid her face in his bosom and wept. He comforted her; he instilled into her his own hopes and desires; and soon her countenance beamed with sympathy. How very happy were they that night! How full even to bursting was their sense of joy!

He kissed her forehead—but the restless girl, partly regretful of his success, overwhelmed by a sudden shift in emotions, buried her face in his chest and cried. He soothed her; he shared his hopes and dreams with her; and soon her face lit up with understanding. How happy they were that night! Their joy felt so intense, it was almost overwhelming!

CHAPTER VII.

Having seen our friend properly installed in his new office, we turned our eyes towards Windsor. The nearness of this place to London was such, as to take away the idea of painful separation, when we quitted Raymond and Perdita. We took leave of them in the Protectoral Palace. It was pretty enough to see my sister enter as it were into the spirit of the drama, and endeavour to fill her station with becoming dignity. Her internal pride and humility of manner were now more than ever at war. Her timidity was not artificial, but arose from that fear of not being properly appreciated, that slight estimation of the neglect of the world, which also characterized Raymond. But then Perdita thought more constantly of others than he; and part of her bashfulness arose from a wish to take from those around her a sense of inferiority; a feeling which never crossed her mind. From the circumstances of her birth and education, Idris would have been better fitted for the formulae of ceremony; but the very ease which accompanied such actions with her, arising from habit, rendered them tedious; while, with every drawback, Perdita evidently enjoyed her situation. She was too full of new ideas to feel much pain when we departed; she took an affectionate leave of us, and promised to visit us soon; but she did not regret the circumstances that caused our separation. The spirits of Raymond were unbounded; he did not know what to do with his new got power; his head was full of plans; he had as yet decided on none— but he promised himself, his friends, and the world, that the aera of his Protectorship should be signalized by some act of surpassing glory. Thus, we talked of them, and moralized, as with diminished numbers we returned to Windsor Castle. We felt extreme delight at our escape from political turmoil, and sought our solitude with redoubled zest. We did not want for occupation; but my eager disposition was now turned to the field of intellectual exertion only; and hard study I found to be an excellent medicine to allay a fever of spirit with which in indolence, I should doubtless have been assailed. Perdita had permitted us to take Clara back with us to Windsor; and she and my two lovely infants were perpetual sources of interest and amusement.

After making sure our friend was settled into his new office, we directed our attention to Windsor. The close proximity of this place to London made the thought of painful separation easier when we said goodbye to Raymond and Perdita. We took our leave of them at the Protectoral Palace. It was quite charming to see my sister embrace the spirit of the moment, trying to carry herself with the proper dignity. Her internal pride and humility were at war more than ever. Her shyness wasn’t put on; it stemmed from a fear of not being truly valued, a slight awareness of the world's neglect, which also characterized Raymond. However, Perdita thought more of others than he did, and part of her shyness came from wanting to alleviate any sense of inferiority that those around her might feel—a thought that never crossed her mind. Given her background and upbringing, Idris would have been more suited for formal ceremonies, but the ease with which she handled such events, thanks to habit, often made them tedious, while Perdita, despite everything, clearly enjoyed her role. She was so filled with new ideas that she didn’t feel much sadness when we left; she said a warm goodbye and promised to visit us soon, but she didn’t regret the reasons for our separation. Raymond was in high spirits; he was at a loss about how to handle his newfound power. His mind was buzzing with plans, yet he hadn’t decided on any—he just assured himself, his friends, and the world that his time as Protector would be marked by some outstanding achievement. We discussed them and reflected as we returned to Windsor Castle with a smaller party. We felt immense relief at escaping the political chaos and eagerly sought our solitude. We had plenty to occupy us; but my restless nature was now focused solely on intellectual pursuits, and I found that intense study was a great remedy for the anxiety that I would have surely felt in idleness. Perdita had allowed us to bring Clara back with us to Windsor; she and my two lovely infants were constant sources of interest and joy.

The only circumstance that disturbed our peace, was the health of Adrian. It evidently declined, without any symptom which could lead us to suspect his disease, unless indeed his brightened eyes, animated look, and flustering cheeks, made us dread consumption; but he was without pain or fear. He betook himself to books with ardour, and reposed from study in the society he best loved, that of his sister and myself. Sometimes he went up to London to visit Raymond, and watch the progress of events. Clara often accompanied him in these excursions; partly that she might see her parents, partly because Adrian delighted in the prattle, and intelligent looks of this lovely child.

The only thing that disrupted our peace was Adrian's health. It was clearly getting worse, but there were no signs that revealed the cause of his illness, except for his bright eyes, animated expression, and flushed cheeks, which made us fear he might have tuberculosis; yet he seemed to feel no pain or fear. He passionately threw himself into books and relaxed from studying in the company he loved most, that of his sister and me. Sometimes he traveled to London to visit Raymond and keep up with the latest happenings. Clara often joined him on these trips, partly to see her parents and partly because Adrian enjoyed the playful chatter and bright expressions of this delightful child.

Meanwhile all went on well in London. The new elections were finished; parliament met, and Raymond was occupied in a thousand beneficial schemes. Canals, aqueducts, bridges, stately buildings, and various edifices for public utility, were entered upon; he was continually surrounded by projectors and projects, which were to render England one scene of fertility and magnificence; the state of poverty was to be abolished; men were to be transported from place to place almost with the same facility as the Princes Houssain, Ali, and Ahmed, in the Arabian Nights. The physical state of man would soon not yield to the beatitude of angels; disease was to be banished; labour lightened of its heaviest burden. Nor did this seem extravagant. The arts of life, and the discoveries of science had augmented in a ratio which left all calculation behind; food sprung up, so to say, spontaneously—machines existed to supply with facility every want of the population. An evil direction still survived; and men were not happy, not because they could not, but because they would not rouse themselves to vanquish self-raised obstacles. Raymond was to inspire them with his beneficial will, and the mechanism of society, once systematised according to faultless rules, would never again swerve into disorder. For these hopes he abandoned his long-cherished ambition of being enregistered in the annals of nations as a successful warrior; laying aside his sword, peace and its enduring glories became his aim—the title he coveted was that of the benefactor of his country.

Meanwhile, everything was going well in London. The new elections were over; parliament convened, and Raymond was busy with a thousand positive initiatives. They started on canals, aqueducts, bridges, impressive buildings, and various structures for public use; he was constantly surrounded by innovators and their proposals, all aimed at transforming England into a land of abundance and splendor. Poverty was to be eradicated; people would be transported from place to place with nearly the same ease as Prince Houssain, Ali, and Ahmed in the Arabian Nights. The physical condition of people would soon be as blissful as that of angels; illness would be eliminated, and labor would be relieved of its heaviest burdens. This didn’t seem unrealistic. The advancements in daily life and scientific discoveries had multiplied at a rate that left all calculations behind; food seemed to grow spontaneously—machines existed to easily meet every need of the population. Yet a stubborn issue remained; people were not happy, not because they couldn’t be, but because they wouldn’t lift themselves to overcome self-imposed barriers. Raymond aimed to inspire them with his positive vision, and once the structure of society was organized according to perfect principles, it would never again slip into chaos. For these aspirations, he gave up his long-held dream of being remembered as a successful warrior; setting down his sword, he sought the lasting glories of peace—the title he desired was that of the benefactor of his country.

Among other works of art in which he was engaged, he had projected the erection of a national gallery for statues and pictures. He possessed many himself, which he designed to present to the Republic; and, as the edifice was to be the great ornament of his Protectorship, he was very fastidious in his choice of the plan on which it would be built. Hundreds were brought to him and rejected. He sent even to Italy and Greece for drawings; but, as the design was to be characterized by originality as well as by perfect beauty, his endeavours were for a time without avail. At length a drawing came, with an address where communications might be sent, and no artist’s name affixed. The design was new and elegant, but faulty; so faulty, that although drawn with the hand and eye of taste, it was evidently the work of one who was not an architect. Raymond contemplated it with delight; the more he gazed, the more pleased he was; and yet the errors multiplied under inspection. He wrote to the address given, desiring to see the draughtsman, that such alterations might be made, as should be suggested in a consultation between him and the original conceiver.

Among other art projects he was involved in, he planned to build a national gallery for statues and paintings. He owned many pieces himself, which he intended to gift to the Republic; and since the building was meant to be the centerpiece of his Protectorship, he was very particular about the design. Hundreds of plans were submitted to him and turned down. He even reached out to Italy and Greece for drawings; however, because the design needed to be both original and beautifully perfect, his efforts were unsuccessful for a while. Eventually, a drawing arrived with a contact address but no artist's name attached. The design was fresh and elegant, but flawed—so flawed that although it showed good taste, it was clearly done by someone who wasn’t an architect. Raymond admired it with joy; the more he looked, the more he liked it, even as its flaws became more apparent. He wrote to the provided address, requesting to meet the draftsman so they could discuss changes that could be made through a consultation between him and the original creator.

A Greek came. A middle-aged man, with some intelligence of manner, but with so common-place a physiognomy, that Raymond could scarcely believe that he was the designer. He acknowledged that he was not an architect; but the idea of the building had struck him, though he had sent it without the smallest hope of its being accepted. He was a man of few words. Raymond questioned him; but his reserved answers soon made him turn from the man to the drawing. He pointed out the errors, and the alterations that he wished to be made; he offered the Greek a pencil that he might correct the sketch on the spot; this was refused by his visitor, who said that he perfectly understood, and would work at it at home. At length Raymond suffered him to depart.

A Greek man arrived. He was middle-aged, displayed a certain intelligence in his demeanor, but had such an ordinary appearance that Raymond could hardly believe he was the designer. He admitted he wasn’t an architect, but the idea for the building had come to him, even though he submitted it without any real hope of it being accepted. He was a man of few words. Raymond asked him questions, but his reserved responses quickly made him shift his focus from the man to the drawing. He pointed out the mistakes and the changes he wanted to be made; he offered the Greek a pencil to correct the sketch on the spot, but his visitor declined, saying he fully understood and would work on it at home. Eventually, Raymond let him leave.

The next day he returned. The design had been re-drawn; but many defects still remained, and several of the instructions given had been misunderstood. “Come,” said Raymond, “I yielded to you yesterday, now comply with my request—take the pencil.”

The next day he came back. The design had been redone, but many flaws were still there, and several of the instructions given had been misunderstood. “Come on,” said Raymond, “I went along with you yesterday, now please fulfill my request—take the pencil.”

The Greek took it, but he handled it in no artist-like way; at length he said: “I must confess to you, my Lord, that I did not make this drawing. It is impossible for you to see the real designer; your instructions must pass through me. Condescend therefore to have patience with my ignorance, and to explain your wishes to me; in time I am certain that you will be satisfied.”

The Greek accepted it, but he didn't do so in any artistic manner; after a while, he said: “I have to admit, my Lord, that I didn't create this drawing. You can't see the actual designer; your instructions have to go through me. So please be patient with my lack of knowledge and explain what you want to me; in time, I'm sure you will be pleased.”

Raymond questioned vainly; the mysterious Greek would say no more. Would an architect be permitted to see the artist? This also was refused. Raymond repeated his instructions, and the visitor retired. Our friend resolved however not to be foiled in his wish. He suspected, that unaccustomed poverty was the cause of the mystery, and that the artist was unwilling to be seen in the garb and abode of want. Raymond was only the more excited by this consideration to discover him; impelled by the interest he took in obscure talent, he therefore ordered a person skilled in such matters, to follow the Greek the next time he came, and observe the house in which he should enter. His emissary obeyed, and brought the desired intelligence. He had traced the man to one of the most penurious streets in the metropolis. Raymond did not wonder, that, thus situated, the artist had shrunk from notice, but he did not for this alter his resolve.

Raymond asked in vain; the mysterious Greek wouldn’t say anything else. Would an architect be allowed to see the artist? That was also denied. Raymond repeated his request, and the visitor left. However, our friend decided not to give up on his wish. He suspected that unfamiliar poverty was behind the mystery and that the artist was reluctant to be seen in a state of need. This thought only made Raymond more eager to find him. Driven by his interest in hidden talent, he ordered someone skilled in these matters to follow the Greek the next time he came and to observe the house he entered. His agent complied and brought back the information he wanted. He had tracked the man to one of the poorest streets in the city. Raymond wasn’t surprised that the artist, living in such conditions, had avoided attention, but this did not change his determination.

On the same evening, he went alone to the house named to him. Poverty, dirt, and squalid misery characterized its appearance. Alas! thought Raymond, I have much to do before England becomes a Paradise. He knocked; the door was opened by a string from above—the broken, wretched staircase was immediately before him, but no person appeared; he knocked again, vainly—and then, impatient of further delay, he ascended the dark, creaking stairs. His main wish, more particularly now that he witnessed the abject dwelling of the artist, was to relieve one, possessed of talent, but depressed by want. He pictured to himself a youth, whose eyes sparkled with genius, whose person was attenuated by famine. He half feared to displease him; but he trusted that his generous kindness would be administered so delicately, as not to excite repulse. What human heart is shut to kindness? and though poverty, in its excess, might render the sufferer unapt to submit to the supposed degradation of a benefit, the zeal of the benefactor must at last relax him into thankfulness. These thoughts encouraged Raymond, as he stood at the door of the highest room of the house. After trying vainly to enter the other apartments, he perceived just within the threshold of this one, a pair of small Turkish slippers; the door was ajar, but all was silent within. It was probable that the inmate was absent, but secure that he had found the right person, our adventurous Protector was tempted to enter, to leave a purse on the table, and silently depart. In pursuance of this idea, he pushed open the door gently—but the room was inhabited.

On the same evening, he went alone to the house that was assigned to him. Poverty, dirt, and miserable living conditions defined its appearance. Alas! thought Raymond, I have a lot to do before England becomes a Paradise. He knocked; the door was opened by a string from above—the broken, shabby staircase was right in front of him, but no one appeared; he knocked again, with no luck—and then, tired of waiting, he climbed the dark, creaking stairs. His main desire, especially now that he saw the artist's wretched home, was to help someone with talent who was weighed down by need. He imagined a young man whose eyes sparkled with genius, yet whose body was weakened by hunger. He was somewhat afraid of offending him; but he hoped that his generous help would be offered so gently that it wouldn’t be rejected. What human heart turns away from kindness? And although extreme poverty might make someone reluctant to accept what they saw as a degrading favor, the goodwill of the benefactor would ultimately bring them to gratitude. These thoughts encouraged Raymond as he stood at the door of the highest room in the house. After unsuccessfully trying to get into the other rooms, he noticed just inside the threshold of this one a pair of small Turkish slippers; the door was slightly open, but all was quiet inside. It was likely that the person living there was out, but knowing he had found the right person, our brave Protector felt tempted to enter, leave a purse on the table, and quietly leave. Following this idea, he gently pushed the door open—but the room was occupied.

Raymond had never visited the dwellings of want, and the scene that now presented itself struck him to the heart. The floor was sunk in many places; the walls ragged and bare—the ceiling weather-stained—a tattered bed stood in the corner; there were but two chairs in the room, and a rough broken table, on which was a light in a tin candlestick;—yet in the midst of such drear and heart sickening poverty, there was an air of order and cleanliness that surprised him. The thought was fleeting; for his attention was instantly drawn towards the inhabitant of this wretched abode. It was a female. She sat at the table; one small hand shaded her eyes from the candle; the other held a pencil; her looks were fixed on a drawing before her, which Raymond recognized as the design presented to him. Her whole appearance awakened his deepest interest. Her dark hair was braided and twined in thick knots like the head-dress of a Grecian statue; her garb was mean, but her attitude might have been selected as a model of grace. Raymond had a confused remembrance that he had seen such a form before; he walked across the room; she did not raise her eyes, merely asking in Romaic, who is there? “A friend,” replied Raymond in the same dialect. She looked up wondering, and he saw that it was Evadne Zaimi. Evadne, once the idol of Adrian’s affections; and who, for the sake of her present visitor, had disdained the noble youth, and then, neglected by him she loved, with crushed hopes and a stinging sense of misery, had returned to her native Greece. What revolution of fortune could have brought her to England, and housed her thus?

Raymond had never seen poverty up close, and the sight before him hit him hard. The floor was uneven in many spots; the walls were torn and bare—the ceiling was stained from the weather—a tattered bed sat in the corner; there were only two chairs in the room, along with a rough, broken table that had a candle flickering in a tin candlestick;—yet in the midst of such dreary and heartbreaking poverty, there was an unexpected sense of order and cleanliness that caught him off guard. The thought was fleeting; his attention was quickly drawn to the person living in this miserable place. It was a woman. She sat at the table with one small hand shading her eyes from the candlelight and the other holding a pencil; her gaze was focused on a drawing in front of her, which Raymond recognized as the design he had received. Her whole appearance intrigued him deeply. Her dark hair was braided and twisted into thick knots like the headdress of a Grecian statue; her clothes were simple, but her posture could have been chosen as a model of grace. Raymond had a hazy memory of having seen such a figure before; he walked across the room, but she didn’t look up, merely asking in Romaic, “Who is there?” “A friend,” replied Raymond in the same language. She looked up in surprise, and he realized it was Evadne Zaimi. Evadne, once the object of Adrian’s affections, who for the sake of her current visitor had turned her back on the noble youth and then, rejected by the man she loved, with shattered hopes and a painful sense of despair, had returned to her native Greece. What twist of fate could have brought her to England and left her living like this?

Raymond recognized her; and his manner changed from polite beneficence to the warmest protestations of kindness and sympathy. The sight of her, in her present situation, passed like an arrow into his soul. He sat by her, he took her hand, and said a thousand things which breathed the deepest spirit of compassion and affection. Evadne did not answer; her large dark eyes were cast down, at length a tear glimmered on the lashes. “Thus,” she cried, “kindness can do, what no want, no misery ever effected; I weep.” She shed indeed many tears; her head sunk unconsciously on the shoulder of Raymond; he held her hand: he kissed her sunken tear-stained cheek. He told her, that her sufferings were now over: no one possessed the art of consoling like Raymond; he did not reason or declaim, but his look shone with sympathy; he brought pleasant images before the sufferer; his caresses excited no distrust, for they arose purely from the feeling which leads a mother to kiss her wounded child; a desire to demonstrate in every possible way the truth of his feelings, and the keenness of his wish to pour balm into the lacerated mind of the unfortunate. As Evadne regained her composure, his manner became even gay; he sported with the idea of her poverty. Something told him that it was not its real evils that lay heavily at her heart, but the debasement and disgrace attendant on it; as he talked, he divested it of these; sometimes speaking of her fortitude with energetic praise; then, alluding to her past state, he called her his Princess in disguise. He made her warm offers of service; she was too much occupied by more engrossing thoughts, either to accept or reject them; at length he left her, making a promise to repeat his visit the next day. He returned home, full of mingled feelings, of pain excited by Evadne’s wretchedness, and pleasure at the prospect of relieving it. Some motive for which he did not account, even to himself, prevented him from relating his adventure to Perdita.

Raymond recognized her, and his demeanor shifted from polite kindness to warm expressions of empathy and support. Seeing her in her current situation struck him deeply. He sat beside her, took her hand, and said countless things that reflected genuine compassion and affection. Evadne didn't respond; her large dark eyes were cast down, and eventually, a tear shimmered on her lashes. “This,” she exclaimed, “is what kindness can achieve, something that no lack or suffering has ever done; I weep.” She indeed shed many tears; her head unconsciously dropped onto Raymond's shoulder as he held her hand and kissed her tear-streaked cheek. He told her that her suffering was over; no one had the ability to comfort like Raymond did; he didn’t reason or preach, but his expression radiated sympathy. He brought comforting thoughts to her mind, and his gentle touch inspired trust because it came from a heartfelt desire to soothe her wounded spirit, much like a mother comforting her hurt child. He wanted to show, in every way possible, how much he cared and his eagerness to heal the pain of the unfortunate. As Evadne began to regain her composure, Raymond's mood even brightened; he joked about her financial struggles. Something within him sensed that it wasn’t the real hardships weighing her down, but rather the embarrassment and shame associated with them. As he spoke, he stripped away those burdens; sometimes praising her courage enthusiastically, and when referencing her previous status, he called her his Princess in disguise. He offered her numerous ways to help; she was too caught up in her own thoughts to accept or decline them. Eventually, he left her, promising to visit again the next day. He returned home feeling a mix of pain from Evadne’s misery and joy at the thought of helping her. There was some reason, which he couldn’t even explain to himself, that kept him from sharing the details of his visit with Perdita.

The next day he threw such disguise over his person as a cloak afforded, and revisited Evadne. As he went, he bought a basket of costly fruits, such as were natives of her own country, and throwing over these various beautiful flowers, bore it himself to the miserable garret of his friend. “Behold,” cried he, as he entered, “what bird’s food I have brought for my sparrow on the house-top.”

The next day, he put on a cloak to disguise himself and went to see Evadne again. On the way, he picked up a basket of expensive fruits that were from her homeland and covered them with a variety of beautiful flowers. He carried it himself to his friend's tiny, dreary apartment. “Look,” he exclaimed as he walked in, “what special treat I’ve brought for my little sparrow on the roof.”

Evadne now related the tale of her misfortunes. Her father, though of high rank, had in the end dissipated his fortune, and even destroyed his reputation and influence through a course of dissolute indulgence. His health was impaired beyond hope of cure; and it became his earnest wish, before he died, to preserve his daughter from the poverty which would be the portion of her orphan state. He therefore accepted for her, and persuaded her to accede to, a proposal of marriage, from a wealthy Greek merchant settled at Constantinople. She quitted her native Greece; her father died; by degrees she was cut off from all the companions and ties of her youth.

Evadne now shared the story of her misfortunes. Her father, despite being of high status, ultimately squandered his wealth and ruined his reputation and influence through a life of excess. His health was beyond hope for recovery, and he desperately wished, before his death, to protect his daughter from the poverty that would come with being an orphan. So, he accepted a marriage proposal from a wealthy Greek merchant living in Constantinople and convinced her to agree to it. She left her homeland of Greece; her father passed away; and gradually, she was cut off from all the friends and connections of her youth.

The war, which about a year before the present time had broken out between Greece and Turkey, brought about many reverses of fortune. Her husband became bankrupt, and then in a tumult and threatened massacre on the part of the Turks, they were obliged to fly at midnight, and reached in an open boat an English vessel under sail, which brought them immediately to this island. The few jewels they had saved, supported them awhile. The whole strength of Evadne’s mind was exerted to support the failing spirits of her husband. Loss of property, hopelessness as to his future prospects, the inoccupation to which poverty condemned him, combined to reduce him to a state bordering on insanity. Five months after their arrival in England, he committed suicide.

The war that broke out about a year ago between Greece and Turkey caused a lot of chaos. Her husband went bankrupt, and during a riot that threatened a massacre at the hands of the Turks, they had to escape at midnight and reached an English ship sailing nearby in an open boat, which took them straight to this island. The few jewels they managed to save kept them afloat for a while. Evadne's entire focus was on uplifting her husband's diminishing spirits. The loss of their wealth, the bleakness of his future prospects, and the inactivity that poverty forced upon him sent him into a state that was almost insane. Five months after they arrived in England, he took his own life.

“You will ask me,” continued Evadne, “what I have done since; why I have not applied for succour to the rich Greeks resident here; why I have not returned to my native country? My answer to these questions must needs appear to you unsatisfactory, yet they have sufficed to lead me on, day after day, enduring every wretchedness, rather than by such means to seek relief. Shall the daughter of the noble, though prodigal Zaimi, appear a beggar before her compeers or inferiors—superiors she had none. Shall I bow my head before them, and with servile gesture sell my nobility for life? Had I a child, or any tie to bind me to existence, I might descend to this—but, as it is—the world has been to me a harsh step-mother; fain would I leave the abode she seems to grudge, and in the grave forget my pride, my struggles, my despair. The time will soon come; grief and famine have already sapped the foundations of my being; a very short time, and I shall have passed away; unstained by the crime of self-destruction, unstung by the memory of degradation, my spirit will throw aside the miserable coil, and find such recompense as fortitude and resignation may deserve. This may seem madness to you, yet you also have pride and resolution; do not then wonder that my pride is tameless, my resolution unalterable.”

“You might be wondering,” Evadne continued, “what I’ve been up to since then; why I haven’t asked the wealthy Greeks living here for help; why I haven’t gone back to my home country? My answers to these questions might seem unsatisfactory to you, yet they’ve driven me forward, day after day, suffering through every hardship rather than seeking aid in such a way. Should the daughter of the noble but reckless Zaimi appear as a beggar before her peers or those beneath her—she has no superiors. Should I lower my head before them and, with a servile attitude, sell my dignity for life? If I had a child or any connection to keep me here, I might consider that—but as it stands, the world has treated me like a harsh stepmother; I would gladly leave a place she seems to resent, and in the grave, forget my pride, my struggles, my despair. That time will come soon; grief and hunger have already worn down the foundations of my existence; in a very short while, I’ll be gone; untainted by the act of taking my own life, untouched by the memory of shame, my spirit will shed this miserable burden and find whatever peace strength and acceptance can bring. This might seem crazy to you, but you also have pride and determination; don’t be surprised that my pride knows no bounds, and my resolve is unshakeable.”

Having thus finished her tale, and given such an account as she deemed fit, of the motives of her abstaining from all endeavour to obtain aid from her countrymen, Evadne paused; yet she seemed to have more to say, to which she was unable to give words. In the mean time Raymond was eloquent. His desire of restoring his lovely friend to her rank in society, and to her lost prosperity, animated him, and he poured forth with energy, all his wishes and intentions on that subject. But he was checked; Evadne exacted a promise, that he should conceal from all her friends her existence in England. “The relatives of the Earl of Windsor,” said she haughtily, “doubtless think that I injured him; perhaps the Earl himself would be the first to acquit me, but probably I do not deserve acquittal. I acted then, as I ever must, from impulse. This abode of penury may at least prove the disinterestedness of my conduct. No matter: I do not wish to plead my cause before any of them, not even before your Lordship, had you not first discovered me. The tenor of my actions will prove that I had rather die, than be a mark for scorn—behold the proud Evadne in her tatters! look on the beggar-princess! There is aspic venom in the thought—promise me that my secret shall not be violated by you.”

Having finished her story and given an account that she thought was appropriate regarding why she chose not to seek help from her fellow countrymen, Evadne paused; yet she seemed to have more to say that she couldn't express. Meanwhile, Raymond was passionate. His desire to restore his beautiful friend to her social standing and lost happiness fueled him, and he spoke energetically about all his hopes and plans for that. But he was interrupted; Evadne demanded a promise that he would keep her existence in England a secret from all her friends. “The relatives of the Earl of Windsor,” she said proudly, “likely think I wronged him; perhaps the Earl himself would be the first to clear my name, but maybe I don’t deserve to be cleared. I acted then, as I always must, out of impulse. This life of poverty may at least prove my unselfishness. It doesn’t matter: I don’t wish to defend myself in front of any of them, not even in front of you, my Lord, had you not found me first. The nature of my actions will show that I would rather die than be a target for scorn—behold the proud Evadne in her rags! Look at the beggar-princess! There’s poisonous anger in that thought—promise me that you won't betray my secret.”

Raymond promised; but then a new discussion ensued. Evadne required another engagement on his part, that he would not without her concurrence enter into any project for her benefit, nor himself offer relief. “Do not degrade me in my own eyes,” she said; “poverty has long been my nurse; hard-visaged she is, but honest. If dishonour, or what I conceive to be dishonour, come near me, I am lost.” Raymond adduced many arguments and fervent persuasions to overcome her feeling, but she remained unconvinced; and, agitated by the discussion, she wildly and passionately made a solemn vow, to fly and hide herself where he never could discover her, where famine would soon bring death to conclude her woes, if he persisted in his to her disgracing offers. She could support herself, she said. And then she shewed him how, by executing various designs and paintings, she earned a pittance for her support. Raymond yielded for the present. He felt assured, after he had for awhile humoured her self-will, that in the end friendship and reason would gain the day.

Raymond promised, but then a new discussion began. Evadne insisted on another commitment from him: that he wouldn't enter into any plans for her benefit without her agreement, nor would he offer her any help without her say-so. “Don’t make me feel ashamed of myself,” she said. “Poverty has been my long-time companion; she’s tough-looking, but she’s honest. If dishonor, or what I see as dishonor, comes near me, I will be ruined.” Raymond put forth many arguments and passionate pleas to change her mind, but she remained unconvinced. Agitated by the conversation, she wildly and fervently vowed to flee and hide where he would never find her, where hunger would soon lead to her death if he kept making those shameful offers. She told him she could take care of herself. Then she showed him how she earned a small amount through various designs and paintings to support herself. Raymond yielded for the moment. He felt sure that if he humored her stubbornness for a while, in the end, friendship and logic would win out.

But the feelings that actuated Evadne were rooted in the depths of her being, and were such in their growth as he had no means of understanding. Evadne loved Raymond. He was the hero of her imagination, the image carved by love in the unchanged texture of her heart. Seven years ago, in her youthful prime, she had become attached to him; he had served her country against the Turks; he had in her own land acquired that military glory peculiarly dear to the Greeks, since they were still obliged inch by inch to fight for their security. Yet when he returned thence, and first appeared in public life in England, her love did not purchase his, which then vacillated between Perdita and a crown. While he was yet undecided, she had quitted England; the news of his marriage reached her, and her hopes, poorly nurtured blossoms, withered and fell. The glory of life was gone for her; the roseate halo of love, which had imbued every object with its own colour, faded;—she was content to take life as it was, and to make the best of leaden-coloured reality. She married; and, carrying her restless energy of character with her into new scenes, she turned her thoughts to ambition, and aimed at the title and power of Princess of Wallachia; while her patriotic feelings were soothed by the idea of the good she might do her country, when her husband should be chief of this principality. She lived to find ambition, as unreal a delusion as love. Her intrigues with Russia for the furtherance of her object, excited the jealousy of the Porte, and the animosity of the Greek government. She was considered a traitor by both, the ruin of her husband followed; they avoided death by a timely flight, and she fell from the height of her desires to penury in England. Much of this tale she concealed from Raymond; nor did she confess, that repulse and denial, as to a criminal convicted of the worst of crimes, that of bringing the scythe of foreign despotism to cut away the new springing liberties of her country, would have followed her application to any among the Greeks.

But the feelings that drove Evadne were deep within her, growing in ways he couldn’t grasp. Evadne loved Raymond. He was the hero in her mind, the image shaped by love in the unchanging fabric of her heart. Seven years ago, in her youthful prime, she had become attached to him; he had fought for her country against the Turks; in her homeland, he had earned that military glory especially cherished by the Greeks, who were still forced to fight for their security, inch by inch. Yet when he returned and first entered public life in England, her love didn’t win his, which then wavered between Perdita and a crown. While he was still uncertain, she left England; the news of his marriage reached her, and her hopes, poorly nurtured blossoms, withered and fell. The joy of life vanished for her; the rosy glow of love, which had colored everything, faded;—she settled for life as it was, striving to make the best of dull reality. She married; and, taking her restless energy into new environments, she shifted her focus to ambition, aiming for the title and power of Princess of Wallachia; her patriotic feelings were eased by the thought of the good she might do for her country when her husband became the leader of this principality. She lived to discover that ambition was just as much an unreal illusion as love. Her schemes with Russia to promote her goals stirred jealousy in the Porte and animosity from the Greek government. She was seen as a traitor by both, leading to her husband’s downfall; they escaped death by fleeing in time, and she fell from the heights of her aspirations to poverty in England. Much of this story she kept hidden from Raymond; nor did she admit that being rejected and turned away, like a criminal guilty of the worst crimes, bringing the scythe of foreign tyranny to cut away the new freedoms of her country, would have followed her pleas to any of the Greeks.

She knew that she was the cause of her husband’s utter ruin; and she strung herself to bear the consequences. The reproaches which agony extorted; or worse, cureless, uncomplaining depression, when his mind was sunk in a torpor, not the less painful because it was silent and moveless. She reproached herself with the crime of his death; guilt and its punishments appeared to surround her; in vain she endeavoured to allay remorse by the memory of her real integrity; the rest of the world, and she among them, judged of her actions, by their consequences. She prayed for her husband’s soul; she conjured the Supreme to place on her head the crime of his self-destruction—she vowed to live to expiate his fault.

She knew she was the reason for her husband’s complete downfall, and she prepared herself to face the consequences. The accusations that pain forced out of her, or worse, the unending, silent depression when his mind was trapped in a daze, were just as painful because they were quiet and motionless. She blamed herself for his death; guilt and its punishments seemed to surround her. She tried in vain to ease her remorse by remembering her true integrity, but the world—and she included—judged her actions by their outcomes. She prayed for her husband’s soul; she begged the Supreme to place the burden of his self-destruction on her—she promised to live to atone for his mistake.

In the midst of such wretchedness as must soon have destroyed her, one thought only was matter of consolation. She lived in the same country, breathed the same air as Raymond. His name as Protector was the burthen of every tongue; his achievements, projects, and magnificence, the argument of every story. Nothing is so precious to a woman’s heart as the glory and excellence of him she loves; thus in every horror Evadne revelled in his fame and prosperity. While her husband lived, this feeling was regarded by her as a crime, repressed, repented of. When he died, the tide of love resumed its ancient flow, it deluged her soul with its tumultuous waves, and she gave herself up a prey to its uncontrollable power.

In the middle of such despair that could have easily consumed her, only one thought offered her comfort. She lived in the same country and breathed the same air as Raymond. His name as Protector was on everyone's lips; his accomplishments, plans, and grandeur were the talk of every story. Nothing is more precious to a woman's heart than the glory and greatness of the man she loves; therefore, in every horror, Evadne took solace in his fame and success. While her husband was alive, she viewed this feeling as a sin, something she suppressed and regretted. When he passed away, the flood of love returned with full force, overwhelming her soul with its tumultuous waves, and she surrendered herself to its uncontrollable power.

But never, O, never, should he see her in her degraded state. Never should he behold her fallen, as she deemed, from her pride of beauty, the poverty-stricken inhabitant of a garret, with a name which had become a reproach, and a weight of guilt on her soul. But though impenetrably veiled from him, his public office permitted her to become acquainted with all his actions, his daily course of life, even his conversation. She allowed herself one luxury, she saw the newspapers every day, and feasted on the praise and actions of the Protector. Not that this indulgence was devoid of accompanying grief. Perdita’s name was for ever joined with his; their conjugal felicity was celebrated even by the authentic testimony of facts. They were continually together, nor could the unfortunate Evadne read the monosyllable that designated his name, without, at the same time, being presented with the image of her who was the faithful companion of all his labours and pleasures. They, their Excellencies, met her eyes in each line, mingling an evil potion that poisoned her very blood.

But never, oh, never, should he see her in her fallen state. He should never witness her downfall, as she thought, from her once-proud beauty, the impoverished resident of a small room, with a name that had become a disgrace, and a burden of guilt on her soul. But even though he was completely unaware of her situation, his public role allowed her to keep tabs on all his actions, his daily routine, even his conversations. She allowed herself one indulgence: she read the newspapers every day, reveling in the admiration and deeds of the Protector. But this pleasure was not without its accompanying sorrow. Perdita’s name was always linked with his; their marital happiness was even confirmed by undeniable evidence. They were constantly seen together, and the unfortunate Evadne could never read the single syllable that represented his name without also seeing the image of the woman who was his devoted partner in all his work and joys. They, their Excellencies, met her gaze in every single line, mixing a toxic brew that poisoned her very blood.

It was in the newspaper that she saw the advertisement for the design for a national gallery. Combining with taste her remembrance of the edifices which she had seen in the east, and by an effort of genius enduing them with unity of design, she executed the plan which had been sent to the Protector. She triumphed in the idea of bestowing, unknown and forgotten as she was, a benefit upon him she loved; and with enthusiastic pride looked forward to the accomplishment of a work of hers, which, immortalized in stone, would go down to posterity stamped with the name of Raymond. She awaited with eagerness the return of her messenger from the palace; she listened insatiate to his account of each word, each look of the Protector; she felt bliss in this communication with her beloved, although he knew not to whom he addressed his instructions. The drawing itself became ineffably dear to her. He had seen it, and praised it; it was again retouched by her, each stroke of her pencil was as a chord of thrilling music, and bore to her the idea of a temple raised to celebrate the deepest and most unutterable emotions of her soul. These contemplations engaged her, when the voice of Raymond first struck her ear, a voice, once heard, never to be forgotten; she mastered her gush of feelings, and welcomed him with quiet gentleness.

It was in the newspaper that she saw the ad for the design of a national gallery. Blending her memories of the buildings she had seen in the east with a touch of creativity to create a unified design, she executed the plan that had been sent to the Protector. She felt a sense of triumph in the idea of offering a gift to the man she loved, though she was unknown and forgotten; and with enthusiastic pride, she looked forward to the completion of a work of hers that, immortalized in stone, would be remembered by future generations with Raymond's name attached. She eagerly awaited the return of her messenger from the palace, listening intently to his account of every word and glance from the Protector; she found joy in this connection with her beloved, even though he didn’t know to whom he was giving his instructions. The drawing itself became incredibly precious to her. He had seen it and complimented it; she worked on it again, each stroke of her pencil like a chord of beautiful music, inspiring her with the idea of a temple built to honor the deepest and most indescribable emotions of her soul. These thoughts filled her mind when she first heard Raymond's voice, a voice that, once heard, would never be forgotten; she controlled her rush of feelings and greeted him with calm warmth.

Pride and tenderness now struggled, and at length made a compromise together. She would see Raymond, since destiny had led him to her, and her constancy and devotion must merit his friendship. But her rights with regard to him, and her cherished independence, should not be injured by the idea of interest, or the intervention of the complicated feelings attendant on pecuniary obligation, and the relative situations of the benefactor, and benefited. Her mind was of uncommon strength; she could subdue her sensible wants to her mental wishes, and suffer cold, hunger and misery, rather than concede to fortune a contested point. Alas! that in human nature such a pitch of mental discipline, and disdainful negligence of nature itself, should not have been allied to the extreme of moral excellence! But the resolution that permitted her to resist the pains of privation, sprung from the too great energy of her passions; and the concentrated self-will of which this was a sign, was destined to destroy even the very idol, to preserve whose respect she submitted to this detail of wretchedness.

Pride and tenderness now battled it out, eventually reaching a compromise. She would meet Raymond, since fate had brought him to her, and her loyalty and dedication deserved his friendship. However, her rights regarding him and her valued independence shouldn’t be compromised by any notions of interest or the messy feelings that come with financial obligations and the dynamics between the giver and the receiver. Her mind was exceptionally strong; she could suppress her physical needs for her emotional desires and endure cold, hunger, and suffering rather than give in to fate on a disputed issue. Alas! It’s unfortunate that such a level of mental discipline and disregard for physical needs in human nature didn’t align with the highest moral standards! But the determination that allowed her to withstand the pains of deprivation stemmed from the overwhelming force of her passions, and the intense self-will that was evident here was destined to destroy even the very idol she was trying to respect by enduring this misery.

Their intercourse continued. By degrees Evadne related to her friend the whole of her story, the stain her name had received in Greece, the weight of sin which had accrued to her from the death of her husband. When Raymond offered to clear her reputation, and demonstrate to the world her real patriotism, she declared that it was only through her present sufferings that she hoped for any relief to the stings of conscience; that, in her state of mind, diseased as he might think it, the necessity of occupation was salutary medicine; she ended by extorting a promise that for the space of one month he would refrain from the discussion of her interests, engaging after that time to yield in part to his wishes. She could not disguise to herself that any change would separate her from him; now she saw him each day. His connection with Adrian and Perdita was never mentioned; he was to her a meteor, a companionless star, which at its appointed hour rose in her hemisphere, whose appearance brought felicity, and which, although it set, was never eclipsed. He came each day to her abode of penury, and his presence transformed it to a temple redolent with sweets, radiant with heaven’s own light; he partook of her delirium. “They built a wall between them and the world”—Without, a thousand harpies raved, remorse and misery, expecting the destined moment for their invasion. Within, was the peace as of innocence, reckless blindless, deluding joy, hope, whose still anchor rested on placid but unconstant water.

Their relationship continued. Gradually, Evadne shared her entire story with her friend—the stain on her name in Greece, the burden of guilt she felt from her husband's death. When Raymond offered to clear her name and show the world her true patriotism, she said that only through her current suffering did she hope to find relief from her guilty conscience; that, in her troubled state of mind, which he might consider sick, the need for distraction was like medicine. She wrapped up their conversation by squeezing a promise out of him that for one month he would avoid discussing her situation, agreeing to compromise on his wishes afterward. She couldn’t ignore that any change would distance her from him; right now, they saw each other every day. His connections with Adrian and Perdita were never brought up; to her, he was like a comet, a solitary star that rose in her sky at the right moment, bringing joy, and even though it would set, it would never be obscured. He visited her humble home each day, and his presence turned it into a temple filled with sweet scents and radiant with divine light; he shared in her passion. “They built a wall between them and the world”—Outside, a thousand tormentors howled, filled with regret and misery, waiting for the right moment to strike. Inside, there was the peace of innocence, reckless ignorance, deceptive joy, and hope whose still anchor rested on calm but unreliable waters.

Thus, while Raymond had been wrapt in visions of power and fame, while he looked forward to entire dominion over the elements and the mind of man, the territory of his own heart escaped his notice; and from that unthought of source arose the mighty torrent that overwhelmed his will, and carried to the oblivious sea, fame, hope, and happiness.

Thus, while Raymond was caught up in dreams of power and fame, imagining complete control over the elements and the human mind, he completely overlooked his own heart; and from that unconsidered source sprang the powerful flood that overwhelmed his will and swept away fame, hope, and happiness into the oblivious sea.

CHAPTER VIII.

In the mean time what did Perdita?

In the meantime, what was Perdita doing?

During the first months of his Protectorate, Raymond and she had been inseparable; each project was discussed with her, each plan approved by her. I never beheld any one so perfectly happy as my sweet sister. Her expressive eyes were two stars whose beams were love; hope and light-heartedness sat on her cloudless brow. She fed even to tears of joy on the praise and glory of her Lord; her whole existence was one sacrifice to him, and if in the humility of her heart she felt self-complacency, it arose from the reflection that she had won the distinguished hero of the age, and had for years preserved him, even after time had taken from love its usual nourishment. Her own feeling was as entire as at its birth. Five years had failed to destroy the dazzling unreality of passion. Most men ruthlessly destroy the sacred veil, with which the female heart is wont to adorn the idol of its affections. Not so Raymond; he was an enchanter, whose reign was for ever undiminished; a king whose power never was suspended: follow him through the details of common life, still the same charm of grace and majesty adorned him; nor could he be despoiled of the innate deification with which nature had invested him. Perdita grew in beauty and excellence under his eye; I no longer recognised my reserved abstracted sister in the fascinating and open-hearted wife of Raymond. The genius that enlightened her countenance, was now united to an expression of benevolence, which gave divine perfection to her beauty.

During the early months of his Protectorate, Raymond and she were inseparable; every project was discussed with her, and each plan got her approval. I've never seen anyone as perfectly happy as my sweet sister. Her expressive eyes were like two stars shining with love; hope and joy radiated from her clear brow. She was moved to tears of joy by the praise and glory of her Lord; her entire existence was a tribute to him, and if her humility sometimes led her to feel self-satisfied, it was because she realized she had won the distinguished hero of the age, maintaining his affection even as time diminished the typical fuel of love. Her feelings remained as pure as when they first began. Five years had not tarnished the dazzling magic of passion. Most men recklessly strip away the sacred veil that adorns a woman's heart, but not Raymond; he was an enchanter whose charisma never faded; a king whose power was never diminished: follow him through the details of everyday life, and he still exuded the same charm and majesty. He couldn’t be stripped of the innate greatness that nature had bestowed upon him. Perdita blossomed in beauty and grace under his gaze; I no longer recognized my once-reserved sister in the captivating and open-hearted wife of Raymond. The brilliance that illuminated her face was now combined with an expression of kindness, giving her beauty a divine perfection.

Happiness is in its highest degree the sister of goodness. Suffering and amiability may exist together, and writers have loved to depict their conjunction; there is a human and touching harmony in the picture. But perfect happiness is an attribute of angels; and those who possess it, appear angelic. Fear has been said to be the parent of religion: even of that religion is it the generator, which leads its votaries to sacrifice human victims at its altars; but the religion which springs from happiness is a lovelier growth; the religion which makes the heart breathe forth fervent thanksgiving, and causes us to pour out the overflowings of the soul before the author of our being; that which is the parent of the imagination and the nurse of poetry; that which bestows benevolent intelligence on the visible mechanism of the world, and makes earth a temple with heaven for its cope. Such happiness, goodness, and religion inhabited the mind of Perdita.

Happiness, at its highest level, is closely tied to goodness. Suffering and kindness can coexist, and writers often enjoy illustrating their connection; there's a poignant and relatable harmony in that imagery. However, true happiness is something only angels possess, and those who embody it seem almost angelic. It's been suggested that fear is the root of religion—even that type of religion which drives its followers to sacrifice human beings at its altars. In contrast, the religion that arises from happiness is much more beautiful; it’s the kind that fills the heart with deep gratitude and inspires us to express the deepest feelings of our souls to our creator. It nurtures imagination and fosters poetry; it grants us a compassionate understanding of the world around us and transforms the earth into a temple with heaven as its ceiling. Such happiness, goodness, and spirituality filled Perdita's mind.

During the five years we had spent together, a knot of happy human beings at Windsor Castle, her blissful lot had been the frequent theme of my sister’s conversation. From early habit, and natural affection, she selected me in preference to Adrian or Idris, to be the partner in her overflowings of delight; perhaps, though apparently much unlike, some secret point of resemblance, the offspring of consanguinity, induced this preference. Often at sunset, I have walked with her, in the sober, enshadowed forest paths, and listened with joyful sympathy. Security gave dignity to her passion; the certainty of a full return, left her with no wish unfulfilled. The birth of her daughter, embryo copy of her Raymond, filled up the measure of her content, and produced a sacred and indissoluble tie between them. Sometimes she felt proud that he had preferred her to the hopes of a crown. Sometimes she remembered that she had suffered keen anguish, when he hesitated in his choice. But this memory of past discontent only served to enhance her present joy. What had been hardly won, was now, entirely possessed, doubly dear. She would look at him at a distance with the same rapture, (O, far more exuberant rapture!) that one might feel, who after the perils of a tempest, should find himself in the desired port; she would hasten towards him, to feel more certain in his arms, the reality of her bliss. This warmth of affection, added to the depth of her understanding, and the brilliancy of her imagination, made her beyond words dear to Raymond.

Over the five years we spent together as a happy group at Windsor Castle, my sister often talked about her joyful life. Due to long-standing habits and genuine affection, she favored me over Adrian or Idris to share her happiness; perhaps there was some subtle connection between us, a bond of family, that influenced this choice. Many evenings at sunset, I walked with her along the quiet, shadowy forest paths, feeling her joy as my own. The sense of security gave a sense of honor to her love; knowing her feelings were fully reciprocated left her with no unfulfilled desires. The birth of her daughter, a little version of her beloved Raymond, completed her joy and created a deep and unbreakable bond between them. At times, she felt proud that he chose her over the prospect of a crown. Other times, she recalled the sharp pain she felt when he wavered in his decision. Yet, that memory of past struggles only made her current happiness more precious. What had been hard to achieve was now completely hers, and it felt even sweeter. She would gaze at him from a distance with the same overwhelming joy (oh, even more intense joy!) that someone might feel after surviving a storm and finally reaching the safe harbor; she would rush toward him, eager to experience the reality of her happiness in his embrace. This warmth of love, combined with her profound understanding and vivid imagination, made her indescribably cherished by Raymond.

If a feeling of dissatisfaction ever crossed her, it arose from the idea that he was not perfectly happy. Desire of renown, and presumptuous ambition, had characterized his youth. The one he had acquired in Greece; the other he had sacrificed to love. His intellect found sufficient field for exercise in his domestic circle, whose members, all adorned by refinement and literature, were many of them, like himself, distinguished by genius. Yet active life was the genuine soil for his virtues; and he sometimes suffered tedium from the monotonous succession of events in our retirement. Pride made him recoil from complaint; and gratitude and affection to Perdita, generally acted as an opiate to all desire, save that of meriting her love. We all observed the visitation of these feelings, and none regretted them so much as Perdita. Her life consecrated to him, was a slight sacrifice to reward his choice, but was not that sufficient—Did he need any gratification that she was unable to bestow? This was the only cloud in the azure of her happiness.

If she ever felt dissatisfied, it stemmed from the thought that he wasn't completely happy. He had been driven by a desire for recognition and ambitious goals in his youth. He gained fame in Greece, but he sacrificed ambition for love. His intellect found plenty of stimulation in his family, whose members, all refined and literary, were many of them, like him, marked by talent. Still, active life was the true ground for his virtues, and he sometimes felt bored by the repetitive events of our quiet life. Pride kept him from complaining, and his gratitude and affection for Perdita usually dulled any desire he had, except for the wish to deserve her love. We all noticed these feelings, and none felt their impact more than Perdita. She dedicated her life to him, seeing it as a small sacrifice to honor his choice, but wasn’t that enough—did he really need anything she couldn’t give? This was the only shadow in her happiness.

His passage to power had been full of pain to both. He however attained his wish; he filled the situation for which nature seemed to have moulded him. His activity was fed in wholesome measure, without either exhaustion or satiety; his taste and genius found worthy expression in each of the modes human beings have invented to encage and manifest the spirit of beauty; the goodness of his heart made him never weary of conducing to the well-being of his fellow-creatures; his magnificent spirit, and aspirations for the respect and love of mankind, now received fruition; true, his exaltation was temporary; perhaps it were better that it should be so. Habit would not dull his sense of the enjoyment of power; nor struggles, disappointment and defeat await the end of that which would expire at its maturity. He determined to extract and condense all of glory, power, and achievement, which might have resulted from a long reign, into the three years of his Protectorate.

His rise to power had been painful for both sides. However, he achieved his goal; he occupied the role that seemed to have been designed for him. His energy was invigorated in just the right amounts, without feeling drained or overindulged; his taste and talent found worthy expression in every way humans have created to capture and show the spirit of beauty. His kind-heartedness kept him dedicated to improving the lives of others; his grand spirit and desire for the respect and love of people finally came to fruition. True, his elevation was temporary; perhaps it was better that way. Routine wouldn’t dull his appreciation for the joy of power; nor would struggles, disappointments, and failures linger at the end of what would fade when it reached its peak. He decided to extract and condense all the glory, power, and achievements that could have come from a long rule into the three years of his Protectorship.

Raymond was eminently social. All that he now enjoyed would have been devoid of pleasure to him, had it been unparticipated. But in Perdita he possessed all that his heart could desire. Her love gave birth to sympathy; her intelligence made her understand him at a word; her powers of intellect enabled her to assist and guide him. He felt her worth. During the early years of their union, the inequality of her temper, and yet unsubdued self-will which tarnished her character, had been a slight drawback to the fulness of his sentiment. Now that unchanged serenity, and gentle compliance were added to her other qualifications, his respect equalled his love. Years added to the strictness of their union. They did not now guess at, and totter on the pathway, divining the mode to please, hoping, yet fearing the continuance of bliss. Five years gave a sober certainty to their emotions, though it did not rob them of their etherial nature. It had given them a child; but it had not detracted from the personal attractions of my sister. Timidity, which in her had almost amounted to awkwardness, was exchanged for a graceful decision of manner; frankness, instead of reserve, characterized her physiognomy; and her voice was attuned to thrilling softness. She was now three and twenty, in the pride of womanhood, fulfilling the precious duties of wife and mother, possessed of all her heart had ever coveted. Raymond was ten years older; to his previous beauty, noble mien, and commanding aspect, he now added gentlest benevolence, winning tenderness, graceful and unwearied attention to the wishes of another.

Raymond was very social. Everything he enjoyed would have been meaningless to him if he couldn’t share it with others. But with Perdita, he had everything he could ever want. Her love brought him empathy; her intelligence allowed her to understand him instantly; her intellect helped her assist and guide him. He appreciated her value. During the early years of their relationship, her unpredictable temper and stubbornness slightly overshadowed his feelings. Now that she had added calmness and gentle compliance to her qualities, his respect matched his love. Years had strengthened their bond. They no longer stumbled through trying to guess how to please each other, filled with hope yet fearing the loss of happiness. Five years had given a solid reliability to their feelings without taking away their ethereal quality. They had a child together, but it didn’t diminish my sister’s personal charm. The timidity that once made her seem awkward transformed into graceful confidence; openness replaced her former reserve, and her voice became beautifully soft. At twenty-three, she was in the prime of womanhood, fulfilling the cherished roles of wife and mother, having everything her heart ever desired. Raymond was ten years older; along with his previous beauty, noble presence, and commanding look, he now brought gentle kindness, comforting tenderness, and attentive care for the needs of others.

The first secret that had existed between them was the visits of Raymond to Evadne. He had been struck by the fortitude and beauty of the ill-fated Greek; and, when her constant tenderness towards him unfolded itself, he asked with astonishment, by what act of his he had merited this passionate and unrequited love. She was for a while the sole object of his reveries; and Perdita became aware that his thoughts and time were bestowed on a subject unparticipated by her. My sister was by nature destitute of the common feelings of anxious, petulant jealousy. The treasure which she possessed in the affections of Raymond, was more necessary to her being, than the life-blood that animated her veins—more truly than Othello she might say,

The first secret between them was Raymond's visits to Evadne. He was captivated by the strength and beauty of the ill-fated Greek woman; and when her constant affection for him revealed itself, he was astonished, wondering what he had done to deserve such passionate but unreturned love. For a time, she became the only focus of his thoughts; and Perdita noticed that his mind and attention were devoted to something she wasn't a part of. My sister naturally lacked the usual feelings of anxious, petty jealousy. The love she received from Raymond was more essential to her existence than the life-blood flowing through her veins—more truly than Othello could ever say,

    To be once in doubt,
Is—once to be resolved.

To be in doubt just once,
Is—once to be sure.

On the present occasion she did not suspect any alienation of affection; but she conjectured that some circumstance connected with his high place, had occasioned this mystery. She was startled and pained. She began to count the long days, and months, and years which must elapse, before he would be restored to a private station, and unreservedly to her. She was not content that, even for a time, he should practice concealment with her. She often repined; but her trust in the singleness of his affection was undisturbed; and, when they were together, unchecked by fear, she opened her heart to the fullest delight.

On this occasion, she didn't suspect any loss of affection; instead, she figured that some issue related to his high position had caused this mystery. She felt shocked and hurt. She started to count the long days, months, and years that would pass before he could return to a normal life and be completely open with her again. She wasn't okay with the idea that he might hide things from her, even temporarily. She often felt unhappy about it, but her faith in his unwavering love remained strong; when they were together, without fear holding her back, she shared her heart completely and felt immense joy.

Time went on. Raymond, stopping mid-way in his wild career, paused suddenly to think of consequences. Two results presented themselves in the view he took of the future. That his intercourse with Evadne should continue a secret to, or that finally it should be discovered by Perdita. The destitute condition, and highly wrought feelings of his friend prevented him from adverting to the possibility of exiling himself from her. In the first event he had bidden an eternal farewell to open-hearted converse, and entire sympathy with the companion of his life. The veil must be thicker than that invented by Turkish jealousy; the wall higher than the unscaleable tower of Vathek, which should conceal from her the workings of his heart, and hide from her view the secret of his actions. This idea was intolerably painful to him. Frankness and social feelings were the essence of Raymond’s nature; without them his qualities became common-place; without these to spread glory over his intercourse with Perdita, his vaunted exchange of a throne for her love, was as weak and empty as the rainbow hues which vanish when the sun is down. But there was no remedy. Genius, devotion, and courage; the adornments of his mind, and the energies of his soul, all exerted to their uttermost stretch, could not roll back one hair’s breadth the wheel of time’s chariot; that which had been was written with the adamantine pen of reality, on the everlasting volume of the past; nor could agony and tears suffice to wash out one iota from the act fulfilled.

Time passed. Raymond, stopping midway in his reckless journey, suddenly paused to think about the consequences. Two possible outcomes appeared in his mind about the future: either his relationship with Evadne would remain a secret, or it would eventually be discovered by Perdita. The desperate state and intense emotions of his friend prevented him from considering the possibility of cutting himself off from her. In the first scenario, he would have to say an eternal goodbye to open-hearted conversation and complete understanding with the person he cherished. The barrier would have to be thicker than anything born from jealousy, and the wall higher than the unscalable tower of Vathek, to conceal the workings of his heart and keep his actions hidden from her. This thought was unbearably painful for him. Honesty and social connections were at the core of Raymond's nature; without them, his qualities turned dull. Without these to bring brilliance to his relationship with Perdita, his celebrated choice of trading a throne for her love felt as weak and empty as the fleeting colors of a rainbow at sunset. But there was no solution. His genius, devotion, and courage—the decorations of his mind and the strengths of his soul—all pressed to their limits, could not push back even a little against the passage of time; what had happened was written in stone by the unchangeable nature of reality, in the everlasting record of the past; nor could pain and tears erase even a tiny bit of the deed that was done.

But this was the best side of the question. What, if circumstance should lead Perdita to suspect, and suspecting to be resolved? The fibres of his frame became relaxed, and cold dew stood on his forehead, at this idea. Many men may scoff at his dread; but he read the future; and the peace of Perdita was too dear to him, her speechless agony too certain, and too fearful, not to unman him. His course was speedily decided upon. If the worst befell; if she learnt the truth, he would neither stand her reproaches, or the anguish of her altered looks. He would forsake her, England, his friends, the scenes of his youth, the hopes of coming time, he would seek another country, and in other scenes begin life again. Having resolved on this, he became calmer. He endeavoured to guide with prudence the steeds of destiny through the devious road which he had chosen, and bent all his efforts the better to conceal what he could not alter.

But this was the best part of the situation. What if circumstances made Perdita suspicious, and that suspicion turned into determination? Just thinking about it made his body tense up, and cold sweat formed on his forehead. Many people might mock his fear, but he could see what was ahead; Perdita's peace meant everything to him, and her silent suffering was too real and terrifying to ignore. He quickly made up his mind. If the worst happened; if she found out the truth, he wouldn’t be able to handle her accusations or the pain in her changed expression. He would leave her, England, his friends, the places of his childhood, the dreams for the future—he would start over in a different country and in a new life. With this decision made, he felt calmer. He tried to steer the course of fate with care through the complicated path he had chosen, focusing all his efforts on hiding what he couldn’t change.

The perfect confidence that subsisted between Perdita and him, rendered every communication common between them. They opened each other’s letters, even as, until now, the inmost fold of the heart of each was disclosed to the other. A letter came unawares, Perdita read it. Had it contained confirmation, she must have been annihilated. As it was, trembling, cold, and pale, she sought Raymond. He was alone, examining some petitions lately presented. She entered silently, sat on a sofa opposite to him, and gazed on him with a look of such despair, that wildest shrieks and dire moans would have been tame exhibitions of misery, compared to the living incarnation of the thing itself exhibited by her.

The deep trust between Perdita and him made every exchange feel like it was routine. They opened each other’s letters, just as they had always revealed the deepest parts of their hearts to one another. One day, a letter arrived unexpectedly, and Perdita read it. If it had brought bad news, it would have crushed her. Instead, trembling, cold, and pale, she looked for Raymond. He was alone, going over some petitions he had recently received. She quietly walked in, sat on a sofa across from him, and looked at him with such despair that even the loudest screams and cries of sorrow would have seemed mild compared to the raw anguish she was showing.

At first he did not take his eyes from the papers; when he raised them, he was struck by the wretchedness manifest on her altered cheek; for a moment he forgot his own acts and fears, and asked with consternation—“Dearest girl, what is the matter; what has happened?”

At first, he couldn't take his eyes off the papers; when he looked up, he was shocked by the misery visible on her changed face; for a moment, he forgot his own actions and worries, and asked in disbelief, “Dearest girl, what's wrong? What happened?”

“Nothing,” she replied at first; “and yet not so,” she continued, hurrying on in her speech; “you have secrets, Raymond; where have you been lately, whom have you seen, what do you conceal from me?—why am I banished from your confidence? Yet this is not it—I do not intend to entrap you with questions—one will suffice—am I completely a wretch?”

“Nothing,” she said at first; “but then again, not quite,” she added, quickly continuing her thoughts; “you have secrets, Raymond; where have you been recently, who have you met, what are you hiding from me?—why am I shut out from your trust? But that’s not what I really want to know—I’m not trying to trap you with questions—just one will do—am I truly a complete mess?”

With trembling hand she gave him the paper, and sat white and motionless looking at him while he read it. He recognised the hand-writing of Evadne, and the colour mounted in his cheeks. With lightning-speed he conceived the contents of the letter; all was now cast on one die; falsehood and artifice were trifles in comparison with the impending ruin. He would either entirely dispel Perdita’s suspicions, or quit her for ever. “My dear girl,” he said, “I have been to blame; but you must pardon me. I was in the wrong to commence a system of concealment; but I did it for the sake of sparing you pain; and each day has rendered it more difficult for me to alter my plan. Besides, I was instigated by delicacy towards the unhappy writer of these few lines.”

With a shaking hand, she handed him the paper and sat there, pale and still, watching him as he read it. He recognized Evadne's handwriting, and color rushed to his cheeks. In an instant, he understood what the letter was about; everything was now at stake. Dishonesty and trickery were nothing compared to the disaster that loomed ahead. He would either completely clear Perdita’s doubts or leave her forever. “My dear girl,” he said, “I acknowledge that I’ve made mistakes, but please forgive me. I was wrong to start hiding things from you; I did it to protect you from pain, and each passing day made it harder for me to change my approach. Moreover, I was motivated by a sense of delicacy towards the unhappy person who wrote these few lines.”

Perdita gasped: “Well,” she cried, “well, go on!”

Perdita gasped, “Well,” she exclaimed, “come on!”

“That is all—this paper tells all. I am placed in the most difficult circumstances. I have done my best, though perhaps I have done wrong. My love for you is inviolate.”

“That’s everything—this paper says it all. I’m in the toughest situation. I’ve done my best, though maybe I made mistakes. My love for you is unbreakable.”

Perdita shook her head doubtingly: “It cannot be,” she cried, “I know that it is not. You would deceive me, but I will not be deceived. I have lost you, myself, my life!”

Perdita shook her head in disbelief: “It can’t be,” she exclaimed, “I know it isn’t. You might try to trick me, but I won’t be fooled. I’ve lost you, myself, my life!”

“Do you not believe me?” said Raymond haughtily.

“Don't you believe me?” Raymond said arrogantly.

“To believe you,” she exclaimed, “I would give up all, and expire with joy, so that in death I could feel that you were true—but that cannot be!”

"To believe you," she shouted, "I would give up everything and die with happiness, just so in death I could know that you were genuine—but that can't be!"

“Perdita,” continued Raymond, “you do not see the precipice on which you stand. You may believe that I did not enter on my present line of conduct without reluctance and pain. I knew that it was possible that your suspicions might be excited; but I trusted that my simple word would cause them to disappear. I built my hope on your confidence. Do you think that I will be questioned, and my replies disdainfully set aside? Do you think that I will be suspected, perhaps watched, cross-questioned, and disbelieved? I am not yet fallen so low; my honour is not yet so tarnished. You have loved me; I adored you. But all human sentiments come to an end. Let our affection expire—but let it not be exchanged for distrust and recrimination. Heretofore we have been friends—lovers—let us not become enemies, mutual spies. I cannot live the object of suspicion—you cannot believe me—let us part!”

“Perdita,” Raymond continued, “you don't see the edge you're standing on. You might think that I chose this path without hesitation and struggle. I knew there was a chance your doubts might arise; but I believed my honest word would make them vanish. I was hopeful because I trusted you. Do you really think I’ll be questioned, and that my answers will be dismissed? Do you think I’ll be suspected, maybe even followed, interrogated, and not believed? I haven't sunk that low yet; my honor isn't that damaged. You’ve loved me; I adored you. But all human emotions eventually fade. Let our love end—but let it not turn into distrust and blame. Until now, we’ve been friends—lovers—let’s not become enemies, or mutual spies. I can't live being suspicious of you—you can't trust me—let’s break up!”

“Exactly so,” cried Perdita, “I knew that it would come to this! Are we not already parted? Does not a stream, boundless as ocean, deep as vacuum, yawn between us?”

“Exactly,” cried Perdita, “I knew it would come to this! Are we not already apart? Isn’t there a chasm, as vast as the ocean and as deep as the void, yawning between us?”

Raymond rose, his voice was broken, his features convulsed, his manner calm as the earthquake-cradling atmosphere, he replied: “I am rejoiced that you take my decision so philosophically. Doubtless you will play the part of the injured wife to admiration. Sometimes you may be stung with the feeling that you have wronged me, but the condolence of your relatives, the pity of the world, the complacency which the consciousness of your own immaculate innocence will bestow, will be excellent balm;—me you will never see more!”

Raymond stood up, his voice shaky, his face twisted with emotion, yet he remained as calm as the atmosphere before a quake. He said, “I’m glad you’re handling my decision so rationally. You’ll definitely excel at being the wronged wife. Occasionally, you might feel guilty for how you treated me, but the sympathy from your family, the pity from others, and the comfort that comes from knowing you’re innocent will be great comfort for you—me, you’ll never see again!”

Raymond moved towards the door. He forgot that each word he spoke was false. He personated his assumption of innocence even to self-deception. Have not actors wept, as they pourtrayed imagined passion? A more intense feeling of the reality of fiction possessed Raymond. He spoke with pride; he felt injured. Perdita looked up; she saw his angry glance; his hand was on the lock of the door. She started up, she threw herself on his neck, she gasped and sobbed; he took her hand, and leading her to the sofa, sat down near her. Her head fell on his shoulder, she trembled, alternate changes of fire and ice ran through her limbs: observing her emotion he spoke with softened accents:

Raymond moved toward the door. He forgot that every word he said was a lie. He faked his innocence to the point of deceiving himself. Haven't actors cried while portraying made-up emotions? A stronger sense of the reality of fiction overwhelmed Raymond. He spoke with pride; he felt wronged. Perdita looked up; she caught his angry glance; his hand was on the door lock. She jumped up, threw herself around his neck, gasping and sobbing; he took her hand and led her to the sofa, sitting down close to her. Her head fell on his shoulder, she shivered, waves of heat and cold coursed through her body: noticing her emotion, he spoke softly:

“The blow is given. I will not part from you in anger;—I owe you too much. I owe you six years of unalloyed happiness. But they are passed. I will not live the mark of suspicion, the object of jealousy. I love you too well. In an eternal separation only can either of us hope for dignity and propriety of action. We shall not then be degraded from our true characters. Faith and devotion have hitherto been the essence of our intercourse;—these lost, let us not cling to the seedless husk of life, the unkernelled shell. You have your child, your brother, Idris, Adrian”—

“The blow has been dealt. I won’t leave you in anger; I owe you too much. I owe you six years of pure happiness. But that’s in the past. I can’t live with suspicion or be the cause of jealousy. I love you too deeply. Only through a permanent separation can we hope for dignity and proper behavior. This way, we won’t lose our true selves. Faith and devotion have been the foundation of our relationship; without them, let’s not cling to the empty shell of life. You have your child, your brother, Idris, Adrian—”

“And you,” cried Perdita, “the writer of that letter.”

“And you,” shouted Perdita, “the person who wrote that letter.”

Uncontrollable indignation flashed from the eyes of Raymond. He knew that this accusation at least was false. “Entertain this belief,” he cried, “hug it to your heart—make it a pillow to your head, an opiate for your eyes —I am content. But, by the God that made me, hell is not more false than the word you have spoken!”

Uncontrolled anger blazed in Raymond's eyes. He knew this accusation was at least false. “Go ahead and hold onto that belief,” he shouted, “cling to it—let it be your comfort, your escape—I'm okay with that. But, I swear by the God who created me, nothing is more untrue than what you've just said!”

Perdita was struck by the impassioned seriousness of his asseverations. She replied with earnestness, “I do not refuse to believe you, Raymond; on the contrary I promise to put implicit faith in your simple word. Only assure me that your love and faith towards me have never been violated; and suspicion, and doubt, and jealousy will at once be dispersed. We shall continue as we have ever done, one heart, one hope, one life.”

Perdita was moved by the intense sincerity of his statements. She responded earnestly, “I don't doubt you, Raymond; on the contrary, I promise to trust your word completely. Just assure me that your love and faith in me have never wavered; then all suspicion, doubt, and jealousy will disappear. We will keep going as we always have, united in heart, hope, and life.”

“I have already assured you of my fidelity,” said Raymond with disdainful coldness, “triple assertions will avail nothing where one is despised. I will say no more; for I can add nothing to what I have already said, to what you before contemptuously set aside. This contention is unworthy of both of us; and I confess that I am weary of replying to charges at once unfounded and unkind.”

“I’ve already assured you of my loyalty,” Raymond said with a disdainful chill, “repeating it multiple times won’t matter when I’m held in contempt. I won’t say anything more; there’s nothing to add to what I’ve already said, which you dismissed with scorn. This argument is beneath us both; and I admit that I’m tired of responding to accusations that are both false and hurtful.”

Perdita tried to read his countenance, which he angrily averted. There was so much of truth and nature in his resentment, that her doubts were dispelled. Her countenance, which for years had not expressed a feeling unallied to affection, became again radiant and satisfied. She found it however no easy task to soften and reconcile Raymond. At first he refused to stay to hear her. But she would not be put off; secure of his unaltered love, she was willing to undertake any labour, use any entreaty, to dispel his anger. She obtained an hearing, he sat in haughty silence, but he listened. She first assured him of her boundless confidence; of this he must be conscious, since but for that she would not seek to detain him. She enumerated their years of happiness; she brought before him past scenes of intimacy and happiness; she pictured their future life, she mentioned their child—tears unbidden now filled her eyes. She tried to disperse them, but they refused to be checked—her utterance was choaked. She had not wept before. Raymond could not resist these signs of distress: he felt perhaps somewhat ashamed of the part he acted of the injured man, he who was in truth the injurer. And then he devoutly loved Perdita; the bend of her head, her glossy ringlets, the turn of her form were to him subjects of deep tenderness and admiration; as she spoke, her melodious tones entered his soul; he soon softened towards her, comforting and caressing her, and endeavouring to cheat himself into the belief that he had never wronged her.

Perdita tried to read his expression, but he angrily turned away. His resentment was so genuine and natural that her doubts vanished. Her face, which for years had only shown feelings of affection, became bright and content again. However, it wasn’t easy to calm down and reconnect with Raymond. At first, he refused to stay and listen to her. But she wouldn’t be dismissed; confident in his unchanged love, she was ready to do anything and beg him to let go of his anger. She got him to listen, and although he sat there in haughty silence, he still paid attention. She first assured him of her unwavering trust; he had to know that, because if she didn’t trust him, she wouldn’t try to keep him there. She counted their years of happiness together; she reminded him of their past moments of closeness and joy; she painted a picture of their future life, mentioning their child—tears came to her eyes unbidden. She tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn’t stop—her voice was choked. She hadn’t cried before. Raymond couldn’t ignore her signs of distress: he perhaps felt a bit ashamed of playing the injured party when he was really the one who had hurt her. And he loved Perdita deeply; the tilt of her head, her shiny curls, the shape of her body filled him with tenderness and admiration; as she spoke, her sweet voice touched his heart; he soon softened towards her, comforting and embracing her, trying to convince himself that he had never hurt her.

Raymond staggered forth from this scene, as a man might do, who had been just put to the torture, and looked forward to when it would be again inflicted. He had sinned against his own honour, by affirming, swearing to, a direct falsehood; true this he had palmed on a woman, and it might therefore be deemed less base—by others—not by him;—for whom had he deceived?—his own trusting, devoted, affectionate Perdita, whose generous belief galled him doubly, when he remembered the parade of innocence with which it had been exacted. The mind of Raymond was not so rough cast, nor had been so rudely handled, in the circumstance of life, as to make him proof to these considerations—on the contrary, he was all nerve; his spirit was as a pure fire, which fades and shrinks from every contagion of foul atmosphere: but now the contagion had become incorporated with its essence, and the change was the more painful. Truth and falsehood, love and hate lost their eternal boundaries, heaven rushed in to mingle with hell; while his sensitive mind, turned to a field for such battle, was stung to madness. He heartily despised himself, he was angry with Perdita, and the idea of Evadne was attended by all that was hideous and cruel. His passions, always his masters, acquired fresh strength, from the long sleep in which love had cradled them, the clinging weight of destiny bent him down; he was goaded, tortured, fiercely impatient of that worst of miseries, the sense of remorse. This troubled state yielded by degrees, to sullen animosity, and depression of spirits. His dependants, even his equals, if in his present post he had any, were startled to find anger, derision, and bitterness in one, before distinguished for suavity and benevolence of manner. He transacted public business with distaste, and hastened from it to the solitude which was at once his bane and relief. He mounted a fiery horse, that which had borne him forward to victory in Greece; he fatigued himself with deadening exercise, losing the pangs of a troubled mind in animal sensation.

Raymond staggered away from the scene, like a man who had just endured torture and dreaded its return. He had betrayed his own honor by affirming a blatant lie; true, he had foisted this lie on a woman, and it might be seen as less despicable by others—not by him; for whom had he deceived?—his own trusting, devoted, loving Perdita, whose generous faith stung him even more when he recalled the show of innocence that came with it. Raymond's mind wasn't so coarse or so roughly dealt with in life that he was immune to these thoughts—on the contrary, he was all nerves; his spirit was like a pure fire that recoils from any taint of a foul atmosphere: but now the taint had become a part of his very essence, and the change was even more painful. Truth and falsehood, love and hate lost their clear boundaries, heaven rushed in to mingle with hell; while his sensitive mind, turned into a battleground, was driven to madness. He loathed himself, was frustrated with Perdita, and the thought of Evadne brought to mind everything ugly and cruel. His passions, always in control of him, gained new strength from the long slumber of love that had lulled them; the heavy weight of fate bore him down; he was prodded, tormented, and fiercely impatient with the worst misery of all—remorse. This troubled state gradually gave way to sullen animosity and a heavy heart. His followers, even his equals, if he had any in his current position, were shocked to see anger, mockery, and bitterness in someone once known for his charm and kindness. He handled public affairs with distaste and hurried away from them to the solitude that was both his curse and his solace. He mounted a fiery horse, the one that had carried him to victory in Greece; he wore himself out with exhausting exercise, drowning the pains of a troubled mind in physical sensations.

He slowly recovered himself; yet, at last, as one might from the effects of poison, he lifted his head from above the vapours of fever and passion into the still atmosphere of calm reflection. He meditated on what was best to be done. He was first struck by the space of time that had elapsed, since madness, rather than any reasonable impulse, had regulated his actions. A month had gone by, and during that time he had not seen Evadne. Her power, which was linked to few of the enduring emotions of his heart, had greatly decayed. He was no longer her slave—no longer her lover: he would never see her more, and by the completeness of his return, deserve the confidence of Perdita.

He gradually collected himself; finally, like someone recovering from poison, he lifted his head from the haze of fever and passion into the clear air of calm reflection. He thought about what needed to be done. He was struck by how much time had passed, as madness rather than any rational thought had driven his actions. A month had gone by, and during that time, he hadn't seen Evadne. Her influence, which was tied to only a few of the deeper feelings in his heart, had faded significantly. He was no longer her slave—no longer her lover: he would never see her again, and by fully returning to himself, he could earn Perdita's trust.

Yet, as he thus determined, fancy conjured up the miserable abode of the Greek girl. An abode, which from noble and lofty principle, she had refused to exchange for one of greater luxury. He thought of the splendour of her situation and appearance when he first knew her; he thought of her life at Constantinople, attended by every circumstance of oriental magnificence; of her present penury, her daily task of industry, her lorn state, her faded, famine-struck cheek. Compassion swelled his breast; he would see her once again; he would devise some plan for restoring her to society, and the enjoyment of her rank; their separation would then follow, as a matter of course.

Yet, as he made this decision, his imagination brought to mind the sad living conditions of the Greek girl. A place that, out of noble and lofty principles, she had refused to trade for one of greater luxury. He remembered the splendor of her situation and appearance when he first met her; he thought of her life in Constantinople, surrounded by every aspect of Eastern opulence; of her current poverty, her daily struggle for survival, her lonely state, her pale, starving cheek. Compassion filled his heart; he wanted to see her once more; he would come up with some plan to help her return to society and enjoy her rightful place; their separation would then happen as a natural consequence.

Again he thought, how during this long month, he had avoided Perdita, flying from her as from the stings of his own conscience. But he was awake now; all this should be remedied; and future devotion erase the memory of this only blot on the serenity of their life. He became cheerful, as he thought of this, and soberly and resolutely marked out the line of conduct he would adopt. He remembered that he had promised Perdita to be present this very evening (the 19th of October, anniversary of his election as Protector) at a festival given in his honour. Good augury should this festival be of the happiness of future years. First, he would look in on Evadne; he would not stay; but he owed her some account, some compensation for his long and unannounced absence; and then to Perdita, to the forgotten world, to the duties of society, the splendour of rank, the enjoyment of power.

Once again, he thought about how, throughout this long month, he had avoided Perdita, dodging her like he was trying to escape the stings of his own conscience. But now he was awake; all of this needed to be fixed, and his future commitment would erase the memory of this single blemish on the peace of their life. He felt cheerful as he considered this and carefully and firmly laid out the course of action he would take. He remembered that he had promised Perdita he would be there this very evening (October 19th, the anniversary of his election as Protector) at a celebration held in his honor. This festival should be a good sign for the happiness of the years to come. First, he would check in on Evadne; he wouldn’t stay long, but he owed her some explanation, some way to make up for his lengthy and unannounced absence. Then, he would go to Perdita, to the world he had neglected, to his social obligations, the splendor of his rank, and the enjoyment of his power.

After the scene sketched in the preceding pages, Perdita had contemplated an entire change in the manners and conduct of Raymond. She expected freedom of communication, and a return to those habits of affectionate intercourse which had formed the delight of her life. But Raymond did not join her in any of her avocations. He transacted the business of the day apart from her; he went out, she knew not whither. The pain inflicted by this disappointment was tormenting and keen. She looked on it as a deceitful dream, and tried to throw off the consciousness of it; but like the shirt of Nessus, it clung to her very flesh, and ate with sharp agony into her vital principle. She possessed that (though such an assertion may appear a paradox) which belongs to few, a capacity of happiness. Her delicate organization and creative imagination rendered her peculiarly susceptible of pleasurable emotion. The overflowing warmth of her heart, by making love a plant of deep root and stately growth, had attuned her whole soul to the reception of happiness, when she found in Raymond all that could adorn love and satisfy her imagination. But if the sentiment on which the fabric of her existence was founded, became common place through participation, the endless succession of attentions and graceful action snapt by transfer, his universe of love wrested from her, happiness must depart, and then be exchanged for its opposite. The same peculiarities of character rendered her sorrows agonies; her fancy magnified them, her sensibility made her for ever open to their renewed impression; love envenomed the heart-piercing sting. There was neither submission, patience, nor self-abandonment in her grief; she fought with it, struggled beneath it, and rendered every pang more sharp by resistance. Again and again the idea recurred, that he loved another. She did him justice; she believed that he felt a tender affection for her; but give a paltry prize to him who in some life-pending lottery has calculated on the possession of tens of thousands, and it will disappoint him more than a blank. The affection and amity of a Raymond might be inestimable; but, beyond that affection, embosomed deeper than friendship, was the indivisible treasure of love. Take the sum in its completeness, and no arithmetic can calculate its price; take from it the smallest portion, give it but the name of parts, separate it into degrees and sections, and like the magician’s coin, the valueless gold of the mine, is turned to vilest substance. There is a meaning in the eye of love; a cadence in its voice, an irradiation in its smile, the talisman of whose enchantments one only can possess; its spirit is elemental, its essence single, its divinity an unit. The very heart and soul of Raymond and Perdita had mingled, even as two mountain brooks that join in their descent, and murmuring and sparkling flow over shining pebbles, beside starry flowers; but let one desert its primal course, or be dammed up by choaking obstruction, and the other shrinks in its altered banks. Perdita was sensible of the failing of the tide that fed her life. Unable to support the slow withering of her hopes, she suddenly formed a plan, resolving to terminate at once the period of misery, and to bring to an happy conclusion the late disastrous events.

After the scenes described in the previous pages, Perdita thought about a complete change in Raymond's behavior and attitude. She hoped for open communication and a return to the affectionate habits that had brought her joy. But Raymond didn’t engage in any of her activities. He handled his daily tasks separately from her; he went out, but she had no idea where to. The pain from this disappointment was intense and sharp. She viewed it as a deceptive dream and tried to shake off the awareness of it, but like the shirt of Nessus, it clung to her skin and tortured her deeply. She had a rare ability to be happy, despite how paradoxical that might sound. Her sensitive nature and imaginative spirit made her especially open to joy. The warmth of her heart turned love into something deeply rooted and beautifully rich, aligning her whole being to embrace happiness when she found everything she desired in Raymond. However, if the love that formed the foundation of her life became ordinary through sharing, the endless flow of kindness and thoughtful gestures diminished by being given away, and his entire universe of love was taken from her, happiness would vanish, replaced by its opposite. Her unique traits turned her sorrows into agonies; her imagination exaggerated them, and her sensitivity kept her perpetually exposed to their renewed impact; love intensified the heartbreak. There was no acceptance, patience, or surrender in her grief; she battled with it, struggled under its weight, and every ache became sharper through her resistance. Again and again, the thought returned that he loved someone else. She was fair to him; she believed he cared for her, but offering a trivial prize to someone who had hoped for a fortune would disappoint more than receiving nothing at all. The love and friendship of someone like Raymond could be invaluable; but, beyond that affection, which was deeper than friendship, lay the irreplaceable treasure of true love. If you consider the whole, no calculation can determine its worth; but take away even a small part, label it as mere portions, divide it into parts and degrees, and like a magician’s coin, what once was priceless turns worthless. There is a significance in the gaze of love; a rhythm in its voice, a glow in its smile, a kind of magic that only the person in love can truly feel; its essence is fundamental, its nature singular, its divinity a unity. The very hearts and souls of Raymond and Perdita had merged, much like two mountain streams joining as they flow down, murmuring and sparkling over shiny stones beside starry flowers; but if one strays from its original path, or gets blocked by obstacles, the other shrinks within its altered banks. Perdita sensed the diminishing flow that sustained her life. Unable to endure the slow decay of her dreams, she suddenly devised a plan, determined to end her misery at once and bring a happy resolution to the recent disastrous events.

The anniversary was at hand of the exaltation of Raymond to the office of Protector; and it was customary to celebrate this day by a splendid festival. A variety of feelings urged Perdita to shed double magnificence over the scene; yet, as she arrayed herself for the evening gala, she wondered herself at the pains she took, to render sumptuous the celebration of an event which appeared to her the beginning of her sufferings. Woe befall the day, she thought, woe, tears, and mourning betide the hour, that gave Raymond another hope than love, another wish than my devotion; and thrice joyful the moment when he shall be restored to me! God knows, I put my trust in his vows, and believe his asserted faith—but for that, I would not seek what I am now resolved to attain. Shall two years more be thus passed, each day adding to our alienation, each act being another stone piled on the barrier which separates us? No, my Raymond, my only beloved, sole possession of Perdita! This night, this splendid assembly, these sumptuous apartments, and this adornment of your tearful girl, are all united to celebrate your abdication. Once for me, you relinquished the prospect of a crown. That was in days of early love, when I could only hold out the hope, not the assurance of happiness. Now you have the experience of all that I can give, the heart’s devotion, taintless love, and unhesitating subjection to you. You must choose between these and your protectorate. This, proud noble, is your last night! Perdita has bestowed on it all of magnificent and dazzling that your heart best loves—but, from these gorgeous rooms, from this princely attendance, from power and elevation, you must return with to-morrow’s sun to our rural abode; for I would not buy an immortality of joy, by the endurance of one more week sister to the last.

The anniversary of Raymond’s rise to the role of Protector was approaching, and it was traditional to celebrate this day with a grand festival. A mix of emotions drove Perdita to pour extra brilliance into the event; yet, as she prepared for the evening gala, she questioned why she was making such an effort to make a celebration out of an occasion that felt to her like the start of her suffering. Woe to that day, she thought, woe, tears, and mourning to the hour that gave Raymond any hope outside of love, any wish beyond my devotion; and oh, how joyful the moment will be when he’s back with me! God knows I trust his promises and believe in his declared loyalty—but without that, I wouldn’t seek what I’m now determined to achieve. Will two more years go by like this, each day adding to our separation, each act another stone in the wall that divides us? No, my Raymond, my only love, my sole treasure! This night, this grand gathering, these lavish rooms, and this ornamentation of your tearful girl are all meant to mark your abdication. Once for me, you gave up the chance for a crown. That was back in the days of early love, when I could only offer hope, not certainty of happiness. Now you have the experience of everything I can provide: heart’s devotion, pure love, and unwavering loyalty to you. You must choose between these and your protectorate. This, proud noble, is your last night! Perdita has given it all the magnificence and sparkle that your heart holds dear—but by tomorrow’s dawn, you must return from these lavish rooms, this princely company, this power and status, to our rural home; for I would not purchase an eternity of joy at the cost of enduring even one more week like the last.

Brooding over this plan, resolved when the hour should come, to propose, and insist upon its accomplishment, secure of his consent, the heart of Perdita was lightened, or rather exalted. Her cheek was flushed by the expectation of struggle; her eyes sparkled with the hope of triumph. Having cast her fate upon a die, and feeling secure of winning, she, whom I have named as bearing the stamp of queen of nations on her noble brow, now rose superior to humanity, and seemed in calm power, to arrest with her finger, the wheel of destiny. She had never before looked so supremely lovely.

Thinking about this plan, she made up her mind that when the time came, she would propose it and push for it to happen, certain that he would agree. Perdita felt a sense of lightness, or maybe even elevation in her heart. Her cheek flushed with the anticipation of the struggle ahead, and her eyes sparkled with the hope of victory. Having left her fate to chance and feeling confident about winning, she, whom I described as having the marks of a queen of nations on her noble brow, now rose above the ordinary, as if she could calmly pause the wheel of destiny with her finger. She had never looked so incredibly beautiful.

We, the Arcadian shepherds of the tale, had intended to be present at this festivity, but Perdita wrote to entreat us not to come, or to absent ourselves from Windsor; for she (though she did not reveal her scheme to us) resolved the next morning to return with Raymond to our dear circle, there to renew a course of life in which she had found entire felicity. Late in the evening she entered the apartments appropriated to the festival. Raymond had quitted the palace the night before; he had promised to grace the assembly, but he had not yet returned. Still she felt sure that he would come at last; and the wider the breach might appear at this crisis, the more secure she was of closing it for ever.

We, the Arcadian shepherds in the story, planned to attend this celebration, but Perdita wrote to ask us not to come or to stay away from Windsor. Though she didn’t share her plan with us, she decided the next morning to return with Raymond to our beloved circle, where she wanted to resume a life that had brought her complete happiness. Late that evening, she entered the rooms set aside for the festival. Raymond had left the palace the night before; he had promised to attend the gathering, but he hadn’t returned yet. Still, she was confident that he would eventually show up; and the larger the gap seemed at that moment, the more certain she was that they would close it forever.

It was as I said, the nineteenth of October; the autumn was far advanced and dreary. The wind howled; the half bare trees were despoiled of the remainder of their summer ornament; the state of the air which induced the decay of vegetation, was hostile to cheerfulness or hope. Raymond had been exalted by the determination he had made; but with the declining day his spirits declined. First he was to visit Evadne, and then to hasten to the palace of the Protectorate. As he walked through the wretched streets in the neighbourhood of the luckless Greek’s abode, his heart smote him for the whole course of his conduct towards her. First, his having entered into any engagement that should permit her to remain in such a state of degradation; and then, after a short wild dream, having left her to drear solitude, anxious conjecture, and bitter, still—disappointed expectation. What had she done the while, how supported his absence and neglect? Light grew dim in these close streets, and when the well known door was opened, the staircase was shrouded in perfect night. He groped his way up, he entered the garret, he found Evadne stretched speechless, almost lifeless on her wretched bed. He called for the people of the house, but could learn nothing from them, except that they knew nothing. Her story was plain to him, plain and distinct as the remorse and horror that darted their fangs into him. When she found herself forsaken by him, she lost the heart to pursue her usual avocations; pride forbade every application to him; famine was welcomed as the kind porter to the gates of death, within whose opening folds she should now, without sin, quickly repose. No creature came near her, as her strength failed.

It was the nineteenth of October; autumn was well underway and bleak. The wind howled, and the half-bare trees had lost the rest of their summer leaves. The state of the air that caused the decay of vegetation was uninviting to cheerfulness or hope. Raymond had felt uplifted by the decision he had made, but as the day faded, his spirits did too. First, he was supposed to visit Evadne, and then hurry to the Protectorate's palace. As he walked through the miserable streets near the unfortunate Greek's home, he felt guilt over his entire treatment of her. First, for entering into any agreement that allowed her to remain in such a degraded state; and then, after a brief wild fantasy, leaving her in lonely despair, anxious speculation, and bitter, silent disappointment. What had she done during that time? How had she coped with his absence and neglect? The light faded in those narrow streets, and when the familiar door opened, the staircase was shrouded in darkness. He felt his way up, entered the attic, and found Evadne lying motionless, almost lifeless on her miserable bed. He called for the people in the house but learned nothing from them except that they knew nothing. Her story was clear to him, as clear and sharp as the remorse and horror that pierced him. When she realized he had abandoned her, she lost the will to continue her usual activities; her pride prevented her from asking him for help; starvation became a welcome escort to the gates of death, behind which she could now rest without guilt. No one approached her as her strength waned.

If she died, where could there be found on record a murderer, whose cruel act might compare with his? What fiend more wanton in his mischief, what damned soul more worthy of perdition! But he was not reserved for this agony of self-reproach. He sent for medical assistance; the hours passed, spun by suspense into ages; the darkness of the long autumnal night yielded to day, before her life was secure. He had her then removed to a more commodious dwelling, and hovered about her, again and again to assure himself that she was safe.

If she died, where would you ever find a murderer whose cruel act could compare to his? What fiend was more reckless in his harm, what damned soul was more deserving of ruin! But he wasn’t meant for this torment of self-blame. He called for medical help; the hours dragged on, stretching by anxiety into an eternity; the darkness of the long autumn night turned into day before her life was secure. He then had her moved to a more comfortable place and stayed close to her, time and again, to reassure himself that she was safe.

In the midst of his greatest suspense and fear as to the event, he remembered the festival given in his honour, by Perdita; in his honour then, when misery and death were affixing indelible disgrace to his name, honour to him whose crimes deserved a scaffold; this was the worst mockery. Still Perdita would expect him; he wrote a few incoherent words on a scrap of paper, testifying that he was well, and bade the woman of the house take it to the palace, and deliver it into the hands of the wife of the Lord Protector. The woman, who did not know him, contemptuously asked, how he thought she should gain admittance, particularly on a festal night, to that lady’s presence? Raymond gave her his ring to ensure the respect of the menials. Thus, while Perdita was entertaining her guests, and anxiously awaiting the arrival of her lord, his ring was brought her; and she was told that a poor woman had a note to deliver to her from its wearer.

In the middle of his deepest anxiety and fear about what would happen, he remembered the festival thrown in his honor by Perdita; in his honor then, when misery and death were sealing a lasting disgrace to his name, honor to someone whose crimes deserved the gallows; this was the cruelest joke. Still, Perdita would be expecting him; he wrote a few jumbled words on a scrap of paper, saying that he was okay, and asked the woman of the house to take it to the palace and hand it to the wife of the Lord Protector. The woman, who didn’t recognize him, scoffed and asked how he thought she could get in, especially on a festive night, to see that lady. Raymond gave her his ring to make sure she was treated with respect by the servants. So, while Perdita was entertaining her guests and anxiously waiting for her lord to arrive, his ring was brought to her, and she was told that a poor woman had a note to deliver to her from its owner.

The vanity of the old gossip was raised by her commission, which, after all, she did not understand, since she had no suspicion, even now that Evadne’s visitor was Lord Raymond. Perdita dreaded a fall from his horse, or some similar accident—till the woman’s answers woke other fears. From a feeling of cunning blindly exercised, the officious, if not malignant messenger, did not speak of Evadne’s illness; but she garrulously gave an account of Raymond’s frequent visits, adding to her narration such circumstances, as, while they convinced Perdita of its truth, exaggerated the unkindness and perfidy of Raymond. Worst of all, his absence now from the festival, his message wholly unaccounted for, except by the disgraceful hints of the woman, appeared the deadliest insult. Again she looked at the ring, it was a small ruby, almost heart-shaped, which she had herself given him. She looked at the hand-writing, which she could not mistake, and repeated to herself the words—“Do not, I charge you, I entreat you, permit your guests to wonder at my absence:” the while the old crone going on with her talk, filled her ear with a strange medley of truth and falsehood. At length Perdita dismissed her.

The old gossip felt flattered by her role, even though she didn’t really get it, since she still had no idea that Evadne’s visitor was Lord Raymond. Perdita worried about him falling off his horse or having some other accident—until the woman’s answers stirred up even more fears. Acting out of a sense of malicious intent, the meddlesome messenger didn’t mention Evadne’s illness; instead, she chatteringly recounted Raymond’s frequent visits, adding details that, while convincing Perdita of their truth, exaggerated Raymond's unkindness and betrayal. Worst of all, his absence from the festival and the unclear reason for it, besides the woman’s disgraceful hints, felt like a brutal insult. She looked again at the ring—a small ruby, almost heart-shaped—that she had given him. She studied the handwriting that she recognized immediately and repeated to herself the words: “Do not, I charge you, I entreat you, permit your guests to wonder at my absence,” all while the old woman continued her chatter, filling her ears with a confusing mix of truths and lies. Finally, Perdita sent her away.

The poor girl returned to the assembly, where her presence had not been missed. She glided into a recess somewhat obscured, and leaning against an ornamental column there placed, tried to recover herself. Her faculties were palsied. She gazed on some flowers that stood near in a carved vase: that morning she had arranged them, they were rare and lovely plants; even now all aghast as she was, she observed their brilliant colours and starry shapes.—“Divine infoliations of the spirit of beauty,” she exclaimed, “Ye droop not, neither do ye mourn; the despair that clasps my heart, has not spread contagion over you!—Why am I not a partner of your insensibility, a sharer in your calm!”

The poor girl returned to the gathering, where no one had noticed her absence. She slipped into a somewhat hidden corner and leaned against a decorative column, trying to regain her composure. Her mind was frozen. She looked at some flowers in a carved vase nearby: she had arranged them that morning; they were rare and beautiful. Even now, despite her shock, she noticed their vibrant colors and star-like shapes. “Divine leaves of the spirit of beauty,” she exclaimed, “You don’t wilt, nor do you grieve; the despair that grips my heart hasn’t affected you! Why can’t I share in your indifference, partake in your peace?”

She paused. “To my task,” she continued mentally, “my guests must not perceive the reality, either as it regards him or me. I obey; they shall not, though I die the moment they are gone. They shall behold the antipodes of what is real—for I will appear to live—while I am—dead.” It required all her self-command, to suppress the gush of tears self-pity caused at this idea. After many struggles, she succeeded, and turned to join the company.

She paused. “To my task,” she continued in her mind, “my guests must not see the truth, whether it concerns him or me. I will comply; they shouldn't know, even if I die the moment they leave. They will see the opposite of reality—because I will seem to be alive—while I am—dead.” It took all her self-control to hold back the tears that self-pity triggered at this thought. After many struggles, she managed to succeed and turned to join the company.

All her efforts were now directed to the dissembling her internal conflict. She had to play the part of a courteous hostess; to attend to all; to shine the focus of enjoyment and grace. She had to do this, while in deep woe she sighed for loneliness, and would gladly have exchanged her crowded rooms for dark forest depths, or a drear, night-enshadowed heath. But she became gay. She could not keep in the medium, nor be, as was usual with her, placidly content. Every one remarked her exhilaration of spirits; as all actions appear graceful in the eye of rank, her guests surrounded her applaudingly, although there was a sharpness in her laugh, and an abruptness in her sallies, which might have betrayed her secret to an attentive observer. She went on, feeling that, if she had paused for a moment, the checked waters of misery would have deluged her soul, that her wrecked hopes would raise their wailing voices, and that those who now echoed her mirth, and provoked her repartees, would have shrunk in fear from her convulsive despair. Her only consolation during the violence which she did herself, was to watch the motions of an illuminated clock, and internally count the moments which must elapse before she could be alone.

All her efforts were now focused on hiding her internal conflict. She had to act like a gracious hostess, attending to everyone and being the center of enjoyment and grace. She had to do this while feeling deep sadness, longing for solitude, and would have happily traded her crowded rooms for the depths of a dark forest or a desolate, shadowy heath. But she forced herself to be cheerful. She couldn't find a middle ground, nor was she, as usual, calmly content. Everyone noticed her heightened spirits; since all actions seem graceful in the eyes of rank, her guests surrounded her with applause, even though there was a sharpness in her laughter and an abruptness in her jokes that might have given away her secret to a keen observer. She pressed on, feeling that if she stopped for even a moment, the suppressed waters of misery would flood her soul, that her shattered hopes would start crying out, and that those who were now echoing her joy and provoking her witty comebacks would shrink back in fear from her overwhelming despair. Her only comfort during the struggle she imposed on herself was to watch the hands of a lit clock, mentally counting the moments until she could finally be alone.

At length the rooms began to thin. Mocking her own desires, she rallied her guests on their early departure. One by one they left her—at length she pressed the hand of her last visitor. “How cold and damp your hand is,” said her friend; “you are over fatigued, pray hasten to rest.” Perdita smiled faintly—her guest left her; the carriage rolling down the street assured the final departure. Then, as if pursued by an enemy, as if wings had been at her feet, she flew to her own apartment, she dismissed her attendants, she locked the doors, she threw herself wildly on the floor, she bit her lips even to blood to suppress her shrieks, and lay long a prey to the vulture of despair, striving not to think, while multitudinous ideas made a home of her heart; and ideas, horrid as furies, cruel as vipers, and poured in with such swift succession, that they seemed to jostle and wound each other, while they worked her up to madness.

Finally, the rooms started to empty out. Teasing her own wishes, she encouraged her guests to leave early. One by one, they bid her goodbye—eventually, she took the hand of her last visitor. “Your hand feels so cold and damp,” her friend remarked; “you’re exhausted, please get some rest.” Perdita gave a faint smile—her guest left her; the sound of the carriage rolling down the street confirmed the final farewell. Then, as if fleeing from an enemy, as if she had wings on her feet, she rushed to her room, sent her attendants away, locked the doors, threw herself dramatically on the floor, bit her lips until they bled to stifle her screams, and lay there for a long time, consumed by despair, trying not to think while overwhelming thoughts took over her heart; thoughts that were as terrifying as furies, as cruel as vipers, and came rushing in so rapidly that they seemed to collide and hurt each other as they drove her toward madness.

At length she rose, more composed, not less miserable. She stood before a large mirror—she gazed on her reflected image; her light and graceful dress, the jewels that studded her hair, and encircled her beauteous arms and neck, her small feet shod in satin, her profuse and glossy tresses, all were to her clouded brow and woe-begone countenance like a gorgeous frame to a dark tempest-pourtraying picture. “Vase am I,” she thought, “vase brimful of despair’s direst essence. Farewell, Perdita! farewell, poor girl! never again will you see yourself thus; luxury and wealth are no longer yours; in the excess of your poverty you may envy the homeless beggar; most truly am I without a home! I live on a barren desart, which, wide and interminable, brings forth neither fruit or flower; in the midst is a solitary rock, to which thou, Perdita, art chained, and thou seest the dreary level stretch far away.”

Finally, she stood up, feeling a bit more composed but still miserable. She faced a large mirror—staring at her reflection; her light and elegant dress, the jewels in her hair, and around her beautiful arms and neck, her small feet in satin shoes, her abundant and shiny hair, all made her clouded brow and sorrowful face seem like a beautiful frame for a dark and stormy painting. “I am a vase,” she thought, “a vase filled to the brim with despair’s deepest sorrow. Goodbye, Perdita! Goodbye, poor girl! You will never see yourself like this again; luxury and wealth are no longer yours; in your extreme poverty, you might envy the homeless beggar; I truly have no home! I exist in a barren desert, vast and endless, that yields neither fruit nor flowers; in the center is a lonely rock, to which you, Perdita, are chained, and you can see the bleak landscape stretching far away.”

She threw open her window, which looked on the palace-garden. Light and darkness were struggling together, and the orient was streaked by roseate and golden rays. One star only trembled in the depth of the kindling atmosphere. The morning air blowing freshly over the dewy plants, rushed into the heated room. “All things go on,” thought Perdita, “all things proceed, decay, and perish! When noontide has passed, and the weary day has driven her team to their western stalls, the fires of heaven rise from the East, moving in their accustomed path, they ascend and descend the skiey hill. When their course is fulfilled, the dial begins to cast westward an uncertain shadow; the eye-lids of day are opened, and birds and flowers, the startled vegetation, and fresh breeze awaken; the sun at length appears, and in majestic procession climbs the capitol of heaven. All proceeds, changes and dies, except the sense of misery in my bursting heart.

She flung open her window, which faced the palace garden. Light and darkness were battling each other, and the east was streaked with pink and golden rays. Only one star flickered in the deepening atmosphere. The morning air, fresh from the dewy plants, rushed into the warm room. “Everything moves forward,” Perdita thought, “everything progresses, decays, and eventually fades away! When noon has passed, and the tired day has driven its team to their stalls in the west, the fires of heaven rise from the east, moving along their usual path, going up and down the sky. Once their journey is complete, the sundial starts to cast an uncertain shadow westward; the eyelids of day are lifted, and birds and flowers, the startled plants, and the gentle breeze awaken; the sun finally rises, majestically climbing the heavens. Everything continues, changes, and dies, except for the misery weighing down my heart.”

“Ay, all proceeds and changes: what wonder then, that love has journied on to its setting, and that the lord of my life has changed? We call the supernal lights fixed, yet they wander about yonder plain, and if I look again where I looked an hour ago, the face of the eternal heavens is altered. The silly moon and inconstant planets vary nightly their erratic dance; the sun itself, sovereign of the sky, ever and anon deserts his throne, and leaves his dominion to night and winter. Nature grows old, and shakes in her decaying limbs,—creation has become bankrupt! What wonder then, that eclipse and death have led to destruction the light of thy life, O Perdita!”

“Yeah, everything changes: is it any wonder that love has moved on and the lord of my life has changed? We call the stars constant, yet they move across the sky, and if I look again where I stared an hour ago, the face of the eternal heavens looks different. The silly moon and fickle planets change their chaotic dance every night; even the sun, ruler of the sky, sometimes leaves his throne and lets night and winter take over. Nature grows old and shakes with her weakening limbs—creation has gone bankrupt! Is it any wonder that eclipse and death have brought destruction to the light of your life, O Perdita!”

CHAPTER IX.

Thus sad and disarranged were the thoughts of my poor sister, when she became assured of the infidelity of Raymond. All her virtues and all her defects tended to make the blow incurable. Her affection for me, her brother, for Adrian and Idris, was subject as it were to the reigning passion of her heart; even her maternal tenderness borrowed half its force from the delight she had in tracing Raymond’s features and expression in the infant’s countenance. She had been reserved and even stern in childhood; but love had softened the asperities of her character, and her union with Raymond had caused her talents and affections to unfold themselves; the one betrayed, and the other lost, she in some degree returned to her ancient disposition. The concentrated pride of her nature, forgotten during her blissful dream, awoke, and with its adder’s sting pierced her heart; her humility of spirit augmented the power of the venom; she had been exalted in her own estimation, while distinguished by his love: of what worth was she, now that he thrust her from this preferment? She had been proud of having won and preserved him—but another had won him from her, and her exultation was as cold as a water quenched ember.

Her thoughts were so sad and disorganized when she realized Raymond had been unfaithful. All her strengths and weaknesses made the blow feel impossible to heal. Her love for me, her brother, and for Adrian and Idris depended on the prevailing emotion in her heart; even her maternal love for the baby drew much of its strength from the joy she felt in seeing Raymond’s features and expressions in the child’s face. She had been reserved and even strict in her childhood, but love had softened her rough edges, and her relationship with Raymond had allowed her talents and emotions to flourish; but with one betrayed and the other lost, she somewhat reverted to her old self. The deep pride she had set aside during her happy times returned and stung her heart like a snake; her humility made the pain even worse. She had felt elevated because of his love, but now that he had rejected her, she questioned her worth. She had taken pride in winning and keeping him, but now someone else had taken him from her, and her triumph felt as cold as a smoldering ember extinguished by water.

We, in our retirement, remained long in ignorance of her misfortune. Soon after the festival she had sent for her child, and then she seemed to have forgotten us. Adrian observed a change during a visit that he afterward paid them; but he could not tell its extent, or divine the cause. They still appeared in public together, and lived under the same roof. Raymond was as usual courteous, though there was, on occasions, an unbidden haughtiness, or painful abruptness in his manners, which startled his gentle friend; his brow was not clouded but disdain sat on his lips, and his voice was harsh. Perdita was all kindness and attention to her lord; but she was silent, and beyond words sad. She had grown thin and pale; and her eyes often filled with tears. Sometimes she looked at Raymond, as if to say—That it should be so! At others her countenance expressed—I will still do all I can to make you happy. But Adrian read with uncertain aim the charactery of her face, and might mistake.—Clara was always with her, and she seemed most at ease, when, in an obscure corner, she could sit holding her child’s hand, silent and lonely. Still Adrian was unable to guess the truth; he entreated them to visit us at Windsor, and they promised to come during the following month.

We, in our retirement, remained unaware of her misfortune for a long time. Shortly after the festival, she called for her child, and it seemed like she had forgotten about us. Adrian noticed a change during a visit he made to them later, but he couldn't figure out how significant it was or what caused it. They still appeared in public together and lived under the same roof. Raymond was as polite as ever, though sometimes there was an unexpected arrogance or painful abruptness in his manner that surprised his gentle friend; his expression wasn't stormy, but disdain lingered on his lips, and his voice was harsh. Perdita was all kindness and attention towards her husband, but she was silent and deeply sad. She had become thin and pale, and her eyes often welled up with tears. Sometimes she looked at Raymond, as if to say—It shouldn't be like this! At other times, her expression conveyed—I will still do everything I can to make you happy. But Adrian struggled to read her face accurately and might have misunderstood. Clara was always with her, and Perdita seemed most at ease when, in a quiet corner, she could sit holding her child's hand, silent and alone. Still, Adrian couldn't guess the truth; he begged them to visit us at Windsor, and they promised to come the following month.

It was May before they arrived: the season had decked the forest trees with leaves, and its paths with a thousand flowers. We had notice of their intention the day before; and, early in the morning, Perdita arrived with her daughter. Raymond would follow soon, she said; he had been detained by business. According to Adrian’s account, I had expected to find her sad; but, on the contrary, she appeared in the highest spirits: true, she had grown thin, her eyes were somewhat hollow, and her cheeks sunk, though tinged by a bright glow. She was delighted to see us; caressed our children, praised their growth and improvement; Clara also was pleased to meet again her young friend Alfred; all kinds of childish games were entered into, in which Perdita joined. She communicated her gaiety to us, and as we amused ourselves on the Castle Terrace, it appeared that a happier, less care-worn party could not have been assembled. “This is better, Mamma,” said Clara, “than being in that dismal London, where you often cry, and never laugh as you do now.”—“Silence, little foolish thing,” replied her mother, “and remember any one that mentions London is sent to Coventry for an hour.”

It was May when they arrived: the season had dressed the forest trees in leaves and the paths in a thousand flowers. We got word of their plans the day before, and early in the morning, Perdita showed up with her daughter. Raymond would be following soon, she said; he had been held up by work. From Adrian’s description, I had expected her to be sad, but on the contrary, she seemed to be in high spirits: it’s true she had lost weight, her eyes were a bit hollow, and her cheeks were sunken, though they had a bright glow. She was thrilled to see us, doting on our children, complimenting their growth and progress; Clara was also happy to see her young friend Alfred again; they jumped into all sorts of childhood games, which Perdita joined in. She brought her joy to us, and as we enjoyed ourselves on the Castle Terrace, it seemed like a happier, less burdened group couldn't have been gathered. “This is better, Mom,” Clara said, “than being in that dreary London, where you often cry and never laugh like you do now.” — “Hush, you silly thing,” her mother replied, “and remember anyone who mentions London gets sent to Coventry for an hour.”

Soon after, Raymond arrived. He did not join as usual in the playful spirit of the rest; but, entering into conversation with Adrian and myself, by degrees we seceded from our companions, and Idris and Perdita only remained with the children. Raymond talked of his new buildings; of his plan for an establishment for the better education of the poor; as usual Adrian and he entered into argument, and the time slipped away unperceived.

Soon after, Raymond arrived. He didn't join in the playful spirit like everyone else; instead, he started talking with Adrian and me, and gradually we moved away from our friends, leaving Idris and Perdita with the kids. Raymond discussed his new buildings and his plan for a better education for the poor. As usual, Adrian and he got into a debate, and before we knew it, time flew by.

We assembled again towards evening, and Perdita insisted on our having recourse to music. She wanted, she said, to give us a specimen of her new accomplishment; for since she had been in London, she had applied herself to music, and sang, without much power, but with a great deal of sweetness. We were not permitted by her to select any but light-hearted melodies; and all the Operas of Mozart were called into service, that we might choose the most exhilarating of his airs. Among the other transcendant attributes of Mozart’s music, it possesses more than any other that of appearing to come from the heart; you enter into the passions expressed by him, and are transported with grief, joy, anger, or confusion, as he, our soul’s master, chooses to inspire. For some time, the spirit of hilarity was kept up; but, at length, Perdita receded from the piano, for Raymond had joined in the trio of “Taci ingiusto core,” in Don Giovanni, whose arch entreaty was softened by him into tenderness, and thrilled her heart with memories of the changed past; it was the same voice, the same tone, the self-same sounds and words, which often before she had received, as the homage of love to her—no longer was it that; and this concord of sound with its dissonance of expression penetrated her with regret and despair. Soon after Idris, who was at the harp, turned to that passionate and sorrowful air in Figaro, “Porgi, amor, qualche ristoro,” in which the deserted Countess laments the change of the faithless Almaviva. The soul of tender sorrow is breathed forth in this strain; and the sweet voice of Idris, sustained by the mournful chords of her instrument, added to the expression of the words. During the pathetic appeal with which it concludes, a stifled sob attracted our attention to Perdita, the cessation of the music recalled her to herself, she hastened out of the hall—I followed her. At first, she seemed to wish to shun me; and then, yielding to my earnest questioning, she threw herself on my neck, and wept aloud:—“Once more,” she cried, “once more on your friendly breast, my beloved brother, can the lost Perdita pour forth her sorrows. I had imposed a law of silence on myself; and for months I have kept it. I do wrong in weeping now, and greater wrong in giving words to my grief. I will not speak! Be it enough for you to know that I am miserable—be it enough for you to know, that the painted veil of life is rent, that I sit for ever shrouded in darkness and gloom, that grief is my sister, everlasting lamentation my mate!”

We gathered again in the evening, and Perdita insisted we listen to some music. She wanted to show us her new skill; since arriving in London, she had been practicing music and sang, not with much power but with a lot of sweetness. She wouldn’t let us choose anything but upbeat songs, so we turned to all of Mozart's operas to pick his most uplifting pieces. Among Mozart's many exceptional qualities, his music has a unique ability to feel heartfelt; you connect with the emotions he portrays and get swept away by grief, joy, anger, or confusion, as he, the master of our souls, chooses to evoke them. For a while, the atmosphere was cheerful; however, eventually, Perdita stepped away from the piano when Raymond joined in on the trio of “Taci ingiusto core” from Don Giovanni, softening its playful plea into something tender, stirring up memories of the past. It was the same voice, the same tone, the exact sounds and words she had often received as tokens of love—no longer was that the case, and this harmony of sound with its contrasting meaning filled her with regret and despair. Soon after, Idris, who was at the harp, shifted to that passionate and sorrowful aria in Figaro, “Porgi, amor, qualche ristoro,” where the abandoned Countess mourns the unfaithful Almaviva. The delicate sorrow is expressed in this melody, and Idris's sweet voice, accompanied by the mournful chords of her instrument, enhanced the meaning of the lyrics. During the poignant ending of the song, we noticed a stifled sob from Perdita, and as the music stopped, it brought her back to reality. She hurried out of the hall—I followed her. At first, she seemed to want to avoid me, but then, yielding to my sincere questioning, she threw herself into my arms and cried out: “Once more,” she said, “once more on your supportive shoulder, my dear brother, can the lost Perdita share her sorrows. I had enforced a vow of silence on myself; I have kept it for months. It’s wrong for me to cry now, and even worse to give voice to my pain. I won’t speak! Just know that I am miserable—just know that the false façade of life has been torn away, that I remain forever cloaked in darkness and despair, that grief is my sister, and everlasting lamentation is my companion!”

I endeavoured to console her; I did not question her! but I caressed her, assured her of my deepest affection and my intense interest in the changes of her fortune:—“Dear words,” she cried, “expressions of love come upon my ear, like the remembered sounds of forgotten music, that had been dear to me. They are vain, I know; how very vain in their attempt to soothe or comfort me. Dearest Lionel, you cannot guess what I have suffered during these long months. I have read of mourners in ancient days, who clothed themselves in sackcloth, scattered dust upon their heads, ate their bread mingled with ashes, and took up their abode on the bleak mountain tops, reproaching heaven and earth aloud with their misfortunes. Why this is the very luxury of sorrow! thus one might go on from day to day contriving new extravagances, revelling in the paraphernalia of woe, wedded to all the appurtenances of despair. Alas! I must for ever conceal the wretchedness that consumes me. I must weave a veil of dazzling falsehood to hide my grief from vulgar eyes, smoothe my brow, and paint my lips in deceitful smiles—even in solitude I dare not think how lost I am, lest I become insane and rave.”

I tried to comfort her; I didn’t ask her anything! Instead, I held her, expressed my deep love, and showed my genuine concern for her changing circumstances: “Sweet words,” she exclaimed, “expressions of love hit my ears like the familiar notes of forgotten music that once meant so much to me. I know they’re pointless; how pointless they are in trying to soothe or comfort me. Dearest Lionel, you can’t possibly imagine what I’ve endured during these long months. I’ve read about mourners in ancient times who wore sackcloth, threw dust on their heads, ate their bread mixed with ashes, and lived on bleak mountaintops, loudly blaming heaven and earth for their misfortunes. This is the very height of sorrow! One could go on day after day, dreaming up new extravagances, indulging in the trappings of grief, bound to all the signs of despair. Alas! I must forever hide the misery that eats away at me. I have to weave a veil of dazzling lies to hide my pain from the world, smooth my face, and paint my lips with false smiles—even in solitude, I dare not think about how lost I am, for fear I’ll go insane and start raving.”

The tears and agitation of my poor sister had rendered her unfit to return to the circle we had left—so I persuaded her to let me drive her through the park; and, during the ride, I induced her to confide the tale of her unhappiness to me, fancying that talking of it would lighten the burthen, and certain that, if there were a remedy, it should be found and secured to her.

The tears and distress of my poor sister had made her unable to go back to the group we had left—so I convinced her to let me drive her through the park; and during the ride, I got her to share the story of her unhappiness with me, thinking that talking about it would help ease her burden, and sure that if there was a solution, we would find it and make it happen for her.

Several weeks had elapsed since the festival of the anniversary, and she had been unable to calm her mind, or to subdue her thoughts to any regular train. Sometimes she reproached herself for taking too bitterly to heart, that which many would esteem an imaginary evil; but this was no subject for reason; and, ignorant as she was of the motives and true conduct of Raymond, things assumed for her even a worse appearance, than the reality warranted. He was seldom at the palace; never, but when he was assured that his public duties would prevent his remaining alone with Perdita. They seldom addressed each other, shunning explanation, each fearing any communication the other might make. Suddenly, however, the manners of Raymond changed; he appeared to desire to find opportunities of bringing about a return to kindness and intimacy with my sister. The tide of love towards her appeared to flow again; he could never forget, how once he had been devoted to her, making her the shrine and storehouse wherein to place every thought and every sentiment. Shame seemed to hold him back; yet he evidently wished to establish a renewal of confidence and affection. From the moment Perdita had sufficiently recovered herself to form any plan of action, she had laid one down, which now she prepared to follow. She received these tokens of returning love with gentleness; she did not shun his company; but she endeavoured to place a barrier in the way of familiar intercourse or painful discussion, which mingled pride and shame prevented Raymond from surmounting. He began at last to shew signs of angry impatience, and Perdita became aware that the system she had adopted could not continue; she must explain herself to him; she could not summon courage to speak—she wrote thus:—

Several weeks had passed since the anniversary festival, and she had been unable to calm her mind or organize her thoughts. Sometimes she blamed herself for being too upset over what many would consider a trivial issue; but this wasn't something that logic could resolve. Not knowing Raymond's true motives and actions made everything seem worse than it actually was. He rarely visited the palace, only coming when he knew his public duties would prevent him from being alone with Perdita. They rarely spoke, avoiding any discussions, each fearing what the other might say. Suddenly, though, Raymond's attitude changed; he seemed to want to find ways to rebuild kindness and closeness with my sister. His feelings for her seemed to resurface; he could never forget how once he had been devoted to her, viewing her as the center of his thoughts and emotions. Shame appeared to hold him back, yet he clearly wanted to restore their trust and affection. Once Perdita had regained her composure enough to make plans, she laid one out that she now prepared to follow. She received his signs of returning affection with kindness; she didn’t avoid him, but she tried to create a barrier against any uncomfortable closeness or painful discussions that pride and shame prevented Raymond from overcoming. Eventually, he began to show signs of frustrated impatience, and Perdita realized that her approach couldn't go on like this; she must clarify things with him. Lacking the courage to speak, she decided to write:—

“Read this letter with patience, I entreat you. It will contain no reproaches. Reproach is indeed an idle word: for what should I reproach you?

“Please read this letter carefully, I beg you. It won’t contain any blame. Blame is really a pointless word: what would I blame you for?

“Allow me in some degree to explain my feeling; without that, we shall both grope in the dark, mistaking one another; erring from the path which may conduct, one of us at least, to a more eligible mode of life than that led by either during the last few weeks.

“Let me explain my feelings a bit; without that, we'll be in the dark, misunderstanding each other and straying from the path that might lead at least one of us to a better way of life than what we've experienced in the past few weeks.”

“I loved you—I love you—neither anger nor pride dictates these lines; but a feeling beyond, deeper, and more unalterable than either. My affections are wounded; it is impossible to heal them:—cease then the vain endeavour, if indeed that way your endeavours tend. Forgiveness! Return! Idle words are these! I forgive the pain I endure; but the trodden path cannot be retraced.

“I loved you—I love you—neither anger nor pride shapes these words; but a feeling that goes beyond, deeper, and more unchangeable than either. My feelings are hurt; it’s impossible to heal them:—stop the futile effort, if that’s what you’re aiming for. Forgiveness! Come back! These are just empty words! I forgive the suffering I’m going through; but the path that has been walked cannot be retraced.

“Common affection might have been satisfied with common usages. I believed that you read my heart, and knew its devotion, its unalienable fidelity towards you. I never loved any but you. You came the embodied image of my fondest dreams. The praise of men, power and high aspirations attended your career. Love for you invested the world for me in enchanted light; it was no longer the earth I trod—the earth, common mother, yielding only trite and stale repetition of objects and circumstances old and worn out. I lived in a temple glorified by intensest sense of devotion and rapture; I walked, a consecrated being, contemplating only your power, your excellence;

“Regular affection might have been satisfied with ordinary customs. I believed that you understood my heart and knew its devotion, its unwavering loyalty to you. I never loved anyone but you. You came as the perfect embodiment of my deepest dreams. The admiration of others, power, and lofty ambitions surrounded your journey. My love for you made the world around me seem magical; it was no longer the earth I walked on—the common ground, which offered only tired and worn-out objects and situations. I lived in a place elevated by the deepest sense of devotion and joy; I moved, a devoted soul, focused solely on your strength and greatness;

For O, you stood beside me, like my youth,
Transformed for me the real to a dream,
Cloathing the palpable and familiar
With golden exhalations of the dawn.

For O, you stood by me, like my youth,
Turning the real into a dream for me,
Dressing the tangible and familiar
With the golden breaths of the dawn.

‘The bloom has vanished from my life’—there is no morning to this all investing night; no rising to the set-sun of love. In those days the rest of the world was nothing to me: all other men—I never considered nor felt what they were; nor did I look on you as one of them. Separated from them; exalted in my heart; sole possessor of my affections; single object of my hopes, the best half of myself.

‘The joy has disappeared from my life’—there is no morning to this all-consuming night; no awakening to the setting sun of love. Back then, the rest of the world was meaningless to me: all other men—I never thought about them or saw them for who they were; nor did I view you as one of them. Set apart from them; cherished in my heart; the only one who held my affections; the sole focus of my hopes, the better half of myself.

“Ah, Raymond, were we not happy? Did the sun shine on any, who could enjoy its light with purer and more intense bliss? It was not—it is not a common infidelity at which I repine. It is the disunion of an whole which may not have parts; it is the carelessness with which you have shaken off the mantle of election with which to me you were invested, and have become one among the many. Dream not to alter this. Is not love a divinity, because it is immortal? Did not I appear sanctified, even to myself, because this love had for its temple my heart? I have gazed on you as you slept, melted even to tears, as the idea filled my mind, that all I possessed lay cradled in those idolized, but mortal lineaments before me. Yet, even then, I have checked thick-coming fears with one thought; I would not fear death, for the emotions that linked us must be immortal.

“Ah, Raymond, weren't we happy? Did the sun shine on anyone who could enjoy its light with purer and more intense joy? It wasn't—it's not a typical betrayal that I regret. It's the separation of a whole that can't have parts; it's the carelessness with which you have cast off the mantle of choice that you once gave me, and have become just one among the many. Don’t think of changing this. Isn't love a divine thing because it’s eternal? Didn’t I feel sanctified, even to myself, because this love had my heart as its temple? I have watched you as you slept, melted to tears at the thought that everything I valued was cradled in those cherished, but mortal features before me. Yet, even then, I have calmed my rising fears with one thought: I would not fear death, for the emotions that connected us must be eternal.

“And now I do not fear death. I should be well pleased to close my eyes, never more to open them again. And yet I fear it; even as I fear all things; for in any state of being linked by the chain of memory with this, happiness would not return—even in Paradise, I must feel that your love was less enduring than the mortal beatings of my fragile heart, every pulse of which knells audibly,

“And now I don’t fear death. I would be perfectly fine closing my eyes, never to open them again. And yet, I fear it; just like I fear everything else; because in any state of existence connected by the chain of memory to this one, happiness wouldn’t come back—even in Paradise, I would have to feel that your love wasn’t as lasting as the mortal thumps of my fragile heart, every beat of which rings out clearly,

    The funeral note
Of love, deep buried, without resurrection.

The funeral note
Of love, deeply buried, with no chance of coming back.

No—no—me miserable; for love extinct there is no resurrection!

No—no—I'm miserable; for love that's lost cannot be brought back!

“Yet I love you. Yet, and for ever, would I contribute all I possess to your welfare. On account of a tattling world; for the sake of my—of our child, I would remain by you, Raymond, share your fortunes, partake your counsel. Shall it be thus? We are no longer lovers; nor can I call myself a friend to any; since, lost as I am, I have no thought to spare from my own wretched, engrossing self. But it will please me to see you each day! to listen to the public voice praising you; to keep up your paternal love for our girl; to hear your voice; to know that I am near you, though you are no longer mine.

“Yet I love you. Still, for always, I would give everything I have to support you. Because of a gossiping world; for the sake of my—our child, I would stay with you, Raymond, share your life, and take part in your decisions. Will it be like this? We are no longer lovers; I can’t even consider myself a friend to anyone; since, lost as I am, I have no thoughts to spare from my own miserable, all-consuming self. But it will bring me joy to see you every day! To hear the public sing your praises; to encourage your fatherly love for our girl; to hear your voice; to know that I am close to you, even though you are no longer mine.

“If you wish to break the chains that bind us, say the word, and it shall be done—I will take all the blame on myself, of harshness or unkindness, in the world’s eye.

“If you want to break the chains that bind us, just say the word, and it will be done—I’ll take all the blame for being harsh or unkind, in the eyes of the world.”

“Yet, as I have said, I should be best pleased, at least for the present, to live under the same roof with you. When the fever of my young life is spent; when placid age shall tame the vulture that devours me, friendship may come, love and hope being dead. May this be true? Can my soul, inextricably linked to this perishable frame, become lethargic and cold, even as this sensitive mechanism shall lose its youthful elasticity? Then, with lack-lustre eyes, grey hairs, and wrinkled brow, though now the words sound hollow and meaningless, then, tottering on the grave’s extreme edge, I may be—your affectionate and true friend,

"Still, as I mentioned, I would be happiest, at least for now, living under the same roof as you. When the excitement of my youth has faded; when calm old age has tamed the beast that consumes me, friendship might emerge, with love and hope long gone. Is this really possible? Can my soul, so tightly bound to this fragile body, become dull and cold, just as this sensitive being loses its youthful spring? Then, with dull eyes, gray hair, and a wrinkled forehead, even though those words now sound empty and meaningless, I might be—your caring and true friend,

“PERDITA.”

“PERDITA.”

Raymond’s answer was brief. What indeed could he reply to her complaints, to her griefs which she jealously paled round, keeping out all thought of remedy. “Notwithstanding your bitter letter,” he wrote, “for bitter I must call it, you are the chief person in my estimation, and it is your happiness that I would principally consult. Do that which seems best to you: and if you can receive gratification from one mode of life in preference to another, do not let me be any obstacle. I foresee that the plan which you mark out in your letter will not endure long; but you are mistress of yourself, and it is my sincere wish to contribute as far as you will permit me to your happiness.”

Raymond’s response was short. What could he say to her complaints, to her sorrows that she clung to tightly, blocking out any thought of a solution? “Even with your harsh letter,” he wrote, “which I must call harsh, you are still the most important person to me, and it’s your happiness that I care about most. Do what you think is best: if you find joy in one way of living over another, don’t let me stand in your way. I can see that the plan you’ve outlined in your letter won’t last long; but you are in control of your own life, and I genuinely want to help however I can to make you happy.”

“Raymond has prophesied well,” said Perdita, “alas, that it should be so! our present mode of life cannot continue long, yet I will not be the first to propose alteration. He beholds in me one whom he has injured even unto death; and I derive no hope from his kindness; no change can possibly be brought about even by his best intentions. As well might Cleopatra have worn as an ornament the vinegar which contained her dissolved pearl, as I be content with the love that Raymond can now offer me.”

“Raymond has predicted correctly,” said Perdita, “unfortunately, it has to be this way! Our current way of life can’t last much longer, yet I won’t be the one to suggest a change first. He sees me as someone he has wronged even to the point of death, and I find no hope in his kindness; no transformation can come from his best intentions. It would be just as absurd for Cleopatra to wear the vinegar that held her dissolved pearl as it would be for me to be satisfied with the love that Raymond can currently give me.”

I own that I did not see her misfortune with the same eyes as Perdita. At all events methought that the wound could be healed; and, if they remained together, it would be so. I endeavoured therefore to sooth and soften her mind; and it was not until after many endeavours that I gave up the task as impracticable. Perdita listened to me impatiently, and answered with some asperity:—“Do you think that any of your arguments are new to me? or that my own burning wishes and intense anguish have not suggested them all a thousand times, with far more eagerness and subtlety than you can put into them? Lionel, you cannot understand what woman’s love is. In days of happiness I have often repeated to myself, with a grateful heart and exulting spirit, all that Raymond sacrificed for me. I was a poor, uneducated, unbefriended, mountain girl, raised from nothingness by him. All that I possessed of the luxuries of life came from him. He gave me an illustrious name and noble station; the world’s respect reflected from his own glory: all this joined to his own undying love, inspired me with sensations towards him, akin to those with which we regard the Giver of life. I gave him love only. I devoted myself to him: imperfect creature that I was, I took myself to task, that I might become worthy of him. I watched over my hasty temper, subdued my burning impatience of character, schooled my self-engrossing thoughts, educating myself to the best perfection I might attain, that the fruit of my exertions might be his happiness. I took no merit to myself for this. He deserved it all—all labour, all devotion, all sacrifice; I would have toiled up a scaleless Alp, to pluck a flower that would please him. I was ready to quit you all, my beloved and gifted companions, and to live only with him, for him. I could not do otherwise, even if I had wished; for if we are said to have two souls, he was my better soul, to which the other was a perpetual slave. One only return did he owe me, even fidelity. I earned that; I deserved it. Because I was mountain bred, unallied to the noble and wealthy, shall he think to repay me by an empty name and station? Let him take them back; without his love they are nothing to me. Their only merit in my eyes was that they were his.”

I admit that I didn’t see her misfortune the same way Perdita did. In any case, I thought the wound could heal, and if they stayed together, it would. So, I tried to calm her and ease her mind; it wasn’t until after many attempts that I gave up the effort as impossible. Perdita listened to me with impatience and replied with some sharpness: “Do you think any of your arguments are new to me? Or that my own burning desires and intense pain haven't brought them up a thousand times, with far more urgency and insight than you can? Lionel, you don’t understand what a woman’s love is. In happier days, I often reminded myself, with a grateful heart and joyful spirit, of all that Raymond sacrificed for me. I was a poor, uneducated girl from the mountains, raised from nothing by him. Everything I had in life’s luxuries came from him. He gave me a noble name and status; the respect of the world reflected from his own glory: all this, along with his everlasting love, filled me with feelings toward him, similar to how we regard the Giver of life. I gave him my love only. I devoted myself to him: as flawed as I was, I held myself accountable, wanting to be worthy of him. I worked on my quick temper, controlled my intense impatience, focused my self-centered thoughts, and educated myself to reach the best I could, so the result of my efforts would be his happiness. I didn’t take any credit for this. He deserved it all—every effort, every devotion, every sacrifice; I would have climbed any mountain to pick a flower that would make him happy. I was ready to leave all of you, my beloved and talented friends, to live only with him, for him. I couldn’t have done otherwise, even if I wanted to; because if we are said to have two souls, he was my better soul, and the other was its constant servant. He owed me only one thing in return: fidelity. I earned that; I deserved it. Just because I was born in the mountains, lacking ties to the noble and wealthy, does he think he can repay me with an empty name and title? Let him take them back; without his love, they mean nothing to me. Their only value to me was that they were his.”

Thus passionately Perdita ran on. When I adverted to the question of their entire separation, she replied: “Be it so! One day the period will arrive; I know it, and feel it. But in this I am a coward. This imperfect companionship, and our masquerade of union, are strangely dear to me. It is painful, I allow, destructive, impracticable. It keeps up a perpetual fever in my veins; it frets my immedicable wound; it is instinct with poison. Yet I must cling to it; perhaps it will kill me soon, and thus perform a thankful office.”

Thus passionately, Perdita continued to speak. When I brought up the issue of their complete separation, she replied, “So be it! One day that time will come; I know it, and I can feel it. But in this, I am a coward. This imperfect companionship and our act of being together are oddly precious to me. It is painful, I admit, damaging, unrealistic. It creates a constant anxiety within me; it irritates my unhealable wound; it is filled with toxicity. Yet I have to hold onto it; maybe it will end my suffering soon, and in that way, do me a favor.”

In the mean time, Raymond had remained with Adrian and Idris. He was naturally frank; the continued absence of Perdita and myself became remarkable; and Raymond soon found relief from the constraint of months, by an unreserved confidence with his two friends. He related to them the situation in which he had found Evadne. At first, from delicacy to Adrian he concealed her name; but it was divulged in the course of his narrative, and her former lover heard with the most acute agitation the history of her sufferings. Idris had shared Perdita’s ill opinion of the Greek; but Raymond’s account softened and interested her. Evadne’s constancy, fortitude, even her ill-fated and ill-regulated love, were matter of admiration and pity; especially when, from the detail of the events of the nineteenth of October, it was apparent that she preferred suffering and death to any in her eyes degrading application for the pity and assistance of her lover. Her subsequent conduct did not diminish this interest. At first, relieved from famine and the grave, watched over by Raymond with the tenderest assiduity, with that feeling of repose peculiar to convalescence, Evadne gave herself up to rapturous gratitude and love. But reflection returned with health. She questioned him with regard to the motives which had occasioned his critical absence. She framed her enquiries with Greek subtlety; she formed her conclusions with the decision and firmness peculiar to her disposition. She could not divine, that the breach which she had occasioned between Raymond and Perdita was already irreparable: but she knew, that under the present system it would be widened each day, and that its result must be to destroy her lover’s happiness, and to implant the fangs of remorse in his heart. From the moment that she perceived the right line of conduct, she resolved to adopt it, and to part from Raymond for ever. Conflicting passions, long-cherished love, and self-inflicted disappointment, made her regard death alone as sufficient refuge for her woe. But the same feelings and opinions which had before restrained her, acted with redoubled force; for she knew that the reflection that he had occasioned her death, would pursue Raymond through life, poisoning every enjoyment, clouding every prospect. Besides, though the violence of her anguish made life hateful, it had not yet produced that monotonous, lethargic sense of changeless misery which for the most part produces suicide. Her energy of character induced her still to combat with the ills of life; even those attendant on hopeless love presented themselves, rather in the shape of an adversary to be overcome, than of a victor to whom she must submit. Besides, she had memories of past tenderness to cherish, smiles, words, and even tears, to con over, which, though remembered in desertion and sorrow, were to be preferred to the forgetfulness of the grave. It was impossible to guess at the whole of her plan. Her letter to Raymond gave no clue for discovery; it assured him, that she was in no danger of wanting the means of life; she promised in it to preserve herself, and some future day perhaps to present herself to him in a station not unworthy of her. She then bade him, with the eloquence of despair and of unalterable love, a last farewell.

In the meantime, Raymond stayed with Adrian and Idris. He was naturally open; the ongoing absence of Perdita and me became noticeable, and Raymond quickly found relief from the constraints of months by being completely honest with his two friends. He shared with them the situation he found Evadne in. At first, out of respect for Adrian, he concealed her name, but it slipped out during his story, and her former lover listened with deep agitation to her account of suffering. Idris had shared Perdita’s low opinion of the Greek, but Raymond’s story softened her view and engaged her interest. Evadne’s loyalty, strength, and even her unfortunate and chaotic love were sources of admiration and sympathy, especially when it became clear from the details of the events of October 19th that she would rather endure suffering and death than ask her lover for pity and help, which she viewed as degrading. Her actions afterwards did not lessen this interest. Initially, freed from starvation and death, cared for by Raymond with utmost devotion, and with that sense of relief unique to recovery, Evadne surrendered herself to overwhelming gratitude and love. But as she regained her health, her thoughts returned. She questioned him about the reasons for his prolonged absence. She crafted her inquiries with Greek subtlety and reached her conclusions with the determination and strength characteristic of her nature. She couldn’t suspect that the rift she had caused between Raymond and Perdita was already beyond repair, but she knew that under the current circumstances, it would grow wider daily and ultimately ruin her lover’s happiness, leaving him with the burden of guilt. From the moment she realized the right course of action, she decided to take it and to part with Raymond forever. Conflicting emotions, long-held love, and self-imposed disappointment made her see death as the only refuge from her pain. But the same feelings and beliefs that had previously held her back now pushed her even harder; she understood that the thought of him causing her death would haunt Raymond for the rest of his life, poisoning his every joy and darkening every future. Furthermore, although the intensity of her suffering made life unbearable, it had yet to bring about that dull, unchanging despair that often leads to suicide. Her strong character still urged her to fight against life’s hardships; even the pain from hopeless love felt more like an opponent to defeat than a victor she had to submit to. Besides, she had beautiful memories to hold on to—smiles, words, and even tears to reflect upon, which, although tinged with abandonment and sorrow, were preferable to the oblivion of the grave. It was impossible to fully understand her plan. Her letter to Raymond offered no hints; it reassured him that she wasn’t in danger of lacking the means to survive; she promised to take care of herself and perhaps one day to present herself to him in a way that wouldn’t shame her. Then she bid him a final farewell with the passion of despair and unchanging love.

All these circumstances were now related to Adrian and Idris. Raymond then lamented the cureless evil of his situation with Perdita. He declared, notwithstanding her harshness, he even called it coldness, that he loved her. He had been ready once with the humility of a penitent, and the duty of a vassal, to surrender himself to her; giving up his very soul to her tutelage, to become her pupil, her slave, her bondsman. She had rejected these advances; and the time for such exuberant submission, which must be founded on love and nourished by it, was now passed. Still all his wishes and endeavours were directed towards her peace, and his chief discomfort arose from the perception that he exerted himself in vain. If she were to continue inflexible in the line of conduct she now pursued, they must part. The combinations and occurrences of this senseless mode of intercourse were maddening to him. Yet he would not propose the separation. He was haunted by the fear of causing the death of one or other of the beings implicated in these events; and he could not persuade himself to undertake to direct the course of events, lest, ignorant of the land he traversed, he should lead those attached to the car into irremediable ruin.

All these circumstances were now shared with Adrian and Idris. Raymond then lamented the irreparable nature of his situation with Perdita. He declared, despite her harshness—he even referred to it as coldness—that he loved her. He had once been ready, with the humility of a penitent and the duty of a servant, to give himself to her completely; surrendering his very soul to her guidance, to become her student, her slave, her captive. She had rejected those advances; and the time for such enthusiastic submission, which must be based on love and sustained by it, had now passed. Still, all his wishes and efforts were focused on her happiness, and his greatest discomfort came from realizing that he was pushing for something in vain. If she continued to be unyielding in her current behavior, they would have to part ways. The patterns and events of this pointless way of interacting drove him to madness. Yet he wouldn’t suggest separation. He was tormented by the fear that he might cause the death of either one of the people involved in these happenings; and he couldn’t convince himself to try to control the situation, for fear that, unaware of the path he was taking, he might lead those tied to the fate into irretrievable ruin.

After a discussion on this subject, which lasted for several hours, he took leave of his friends, and returned to town, unwilling to meet Perdita before us, conscious, as we all must be, of the thoughts uppermost in the minds of both. Perdita prepared to follow him with her child. Idris endeavoured to persuade her to remain. My poor sister looked at the counsellor with affright. She knew that Raymond had conversed with her; had he instigated this request?—was this to be the prelude to their eternal separation?—I have said, that the defects of her character awoke and acquired vigour from her unnatural position. She regarded with suspicion the invitation of Idris; she embraced me, as if she were about to be deprived of my affection also: calling me her more than brother, her only friend, her last hope, she pathetically conjured me not to cease to love her; and with encreased anxiety she departed for London, the scene and cause of all her misery.

After a long discussion on this topic that lasted several hours, he said goodbye to his friends and headed back to town, not wanting to face Perdita before us, aware, as we all were, of the thoughts occupying both of their minds. Perdita got ready to follow him with her child. Idris tried to convince her to stay. My poor sister looked at the counselor in fear. She knew that Raymond had talked to her; had he prompted this request?—was this the beginning of their permanent separation?—I mentioned before that the flaws in her character intensified because of her unnatural situation. She viewed Idris’s invitation with suspicion; she hugged me as if she were about to lose my affection too: calling me her more than brother, her only friend, her last hope, she desperately begged me not to stop loving her; and with growing anxiety, she left for London, the place that was both the source and the stage of all her misery.

The scenes that followed, convinced her that she had not yet fathomed the obscure gulph into which she had plunged. Her unhappiness assumed every day a new shape; every day some unexpected event seemed to close, while in fact it led onward, the train of calamities which now befell her.

The scenes that followed made her realize that she still hadn’t understood the deep abyss she had fallen into. Her unhappiness took on a new form every day; each day some unexpected event seemed to bring closure, but in reality, it pushed her further along the path of misfortunes that were now befalling her.

The selected passion of the soul of Raymond was ambition. Readiness of talent, a capacity of entering into, and leading the dispositions of men; earnest desire of distinction were the awakeners and nurses of his ambition. But other ingredients mingled with these, and prevented him from becoming the calculating, determined character, which alone forms a successful hero. He was obstinate, but not firm; benevolent in his first movements; harsh and reckless when provoked. Above all, he was remorseless and unyielding in the pursuit of any object of desire, however lawless. Love of pleasure, and the softer sensibilities of our nature, made a prominent part of his character, conquering the conqueror; holding him in at the moment of acquisition; sweeping away ambition’s web; making him forget the toil of weeks, for the sake of one moment’s indulgence of the new and actual object of his wishes. Obeying these impulses, he had become the husband of Perdita: egged on by them, he found himself the lover of Evadne. He had now lost both. He had neither the ennobling self-gratulation, which constancy inspires, to console him, nor the voluptuous sense of abandonment to a forbidden, but intoxicating passion. His heart was exhausted by the recent events; his enjoyment of life was destroyed by the resentment of Perdita, and the flight of Evadne; and the inflexibility of the former, set the last seal upon the annihilation of his hopes. As long as their disunion remained a secret, he cherished an expectation of re-awakening past tenderness in her bosom; now that we were all made acquainted with these occurrences, and that Perdita, by declaring her resolves to others, in a manner pledged herself to their accomplishment, he gave up the idea of re-union as futile, and sought only, since he was unable to influence her to change, to reconcile himself to the present state of things. He made a vow against love and its train of struggles, disappointment and remorse, and sought in mere sensual enjoyment, a remedy for the injurious inroads of passion.

The main drive behind Raymond's soul was his ambition. His talent, ability to connect with and lead others, and strong desire for recognition fueled his ambition. But other elements mixed with these and kept him from being the calculating, determined person that a true hero needs to be. He was stubborn, but not steadfast; generous at first, but harsh and reckless when provoked. Above all, he pursued his desires relentlessly, regardless of how lawless they might be. His love for pleasure and the gentler aspects of human nature played a big part in his character, overpowering even his ambition; they held him back at the moment of attainment, making him forget the hard work of weeks for just one moment of indulging in his current desires. Following these impulses, he became Perdita's husband, and driven by them, he ended up being Evadne's lover. Now he had lost both. He lacked the uplifting sense of satisfaction that loyalty brings, as well as the intoxicating thrill of pursuing a forbidden passion. His heart was worn out from recent events; his enjoyment of life had been shattered by Perdita's anger and Evadne's departure, and the unwavering nature of the former sealed the fate of his hopes. As long as their separation was a secret, he held onto the hope of rekindling old feelings in her heart; now that everyone was aware of what had happened, and Perdita had made her intentions clear to others, essentially committing herself, he abandoned the idea of reuniting as pointless and instead aimed only to accept the current situation since he couldn't change her mind. He vowed to stay away from love and its struggles, disappointments, and regrets, and sought only physical enjoyment to remedy the painful effects of passion.

Debasement of character is the certain follower of such pursuits. Yet this consequence would not have been immediately remarkable, if Raymond had continued to apply himself to the execution of his plans for the public benefit, and the fulfilling his duties as Protector. But, extreme in all things, given up to immediate impressions, he entered with ardour into this new pursuit of pleasure, and followed up the incongruous intimacies occasioned by it without reflection or foresight. The council-chamber was deserted; the crowds which attended on him as agents to his various projects were neglected. Festivity, and even libertinism, became the order of the day.

The decline of his character was a sure result of these pursuits. However, this outcome wouldn't have been so obvious if Raymond had kept focusing on his plans for the public good and fulfilling his role as Protector. But, extreme in all things and easily swayed by immediate feelings, he eagerly threw himself into this new chase for pleasure and pursued the chaotic relationships that came with it without any thought or foresight. The council chamber was empty; the people who supported his various projects were ignored. Celebration, and even debauchery, became the norm.

Perdita beheld with affright the encreasing disorder. For a moment she thought that she could stem the torrent, and that Raymond could be induced to hear reason from her.—Vain hope! The moment of her influence was passed. He listened with haughtiness, replied disdainfully; and, if in truth, she succeeded in awakening his conscience, the sole effect was that he sought an opiate for the pang in oblivious riot. With the energy natural to her, Perdita then endeavoured to supply his place. Their still apparent union permitted her to do much; but no woman could, in the end, present a remedy to the encreasing negligence of the Protector; who, as if seized with a paroxysm of insanity, trampled on all ceremony, all order, all duty, and gave himself up to license.

Perdita watched in horror as the chaos grew. For a moment, she thought she could stop the flood and convince Raymond to listen to reason. —Such a futile hope! Her moment of influence had passed. He listened with arrogance and replied with scorn; and if she did manage to stir his conscience, the only result was that he sought relief in mindless indulgence. With her natural determination, Perdita then tried to fill his role. Their still visible connection allowed her to do a lot, but no woman could ultimately provide a solution to the increasing neglect of the Protector, who, as if struck by a fit of madness, disregarded all decorum, all order, all responsibility, and surrendered himself to chaos.

Reports of these strange proceedings reached us, and we were undecided what method to adopt to restore our friend to himself and his country, when Perdita suddenly appeared among us. She detailed the progress of the mournful change, and entreated Adrian and myself to go up to London, and endeavour to remedy the encreasing evil:—“Tell him,” she cried, “tell Lord Raymond, that my presence shall no longer annoy him. That he need not plunge into this destructive dissipation for the sake of disgusting me, and causing me to fly. This purpose is now accomplished; he will never see me more. But let me, it is my last entreaty, let me in the praises of his countrymen and the prosperity of England, find the choice of my youth justified.”

Reports of these strange events reached us, and we weren't sure how to help our friend return to himself and his country when Perdita suddenly showed up. She explained how the sad change had progressed and urged Adrian and me to go to London and try to fix the growing problem: “Tell him,” she exclaimed, “tell Lord Raymond that my presence won’t bother him anymore. He doesn’t need to dive into this destructive behavior just to upset me and make me leave. That goal has been achieved; he will never see me again. But let me, as my final request, find my youth justified in the praises of his fellow countrymen and the prosperity of England.”

During our ride up to town, Adrian and I discussed and argued upon Raymond’s conduct, and his falling off from the hopes of permanent excellence on his part, which he had before given us cause to entertain. My friend and I had both been educated in one school, or rather I was his pupil in the opinion, that steady adherence to principle was the only road to honour; a ceaseless observance of the laws of general utility, the only conscientious aim of human ambition. But though we both entertained these ideas, we differed in their application. Resentment added also a sting to my censure; and I reprobated Raymond’s conduct in severe terms. Adrian was more benign, more considerate. He admitted that the principles that I laid down were the best; but he denied that they were the only ones. Quoting the text, there are many mansions in my father’s house, he insisted that the modes of becoming good or great, varied as much as the dispositions of men, of whom it might be said, as of the leaves of the forest, there were no two alike.

During our ride to town, Adrian and I talked and argued about Raymond’s behavior and how he had given up on the promise of lasting excellence he had previously inspired in us. Both of us had gone to the same school, or rather I was his student, sharing the belief that sticking to your principles was the only way to achieve honor; constantly following the rules of general benefit was the only true goal of human ambition. However, even though we both believed in these ideas, we disagreed on how to apply them. My resentment added an edge to my criticism, and I condemned Raymond’s behavior harshly. Adrian was kinder and more understanding. He acknowledged that the principles I mentioned were the best but argued they weren’t the only ones. Quoting the phrase, there are many mansions in my father’s house, he insisted that the paths to becoming good or great were as diverse as people themselves, of whom it could be said, just like the leaves in a forest, no two are alike.

We arrived in London at about eleven at night. We conjectured, notwithstanding what we had heard, that we should find Raymond in St. Stephen’s: thither we sped. The chamber was full—but there was no Protector; and there was an austere discontent manifest on the countenances of the leaders, and a whispering and busy tattle among the underlings, not less ominous. We hastened to the palace of the Protectorate. We found Raymond in his dining room with six others: the bottle was being pushed about merrily, and had made considerable inroads on the understanding of one or two. He who sat near Raymond was telling a story, which convulsed the rest with laughter.

We arrived in London around eleven at night. Despite what we had heard, we thought we would find Raymond in St. Stephen’s, so we hurried there. The room was packed, but the Protector was not there; instead, we saw a look of stern discontent on the leaders’ faces, along with a whispering buzz among the lower ranks that felt just as foreboding. We rushed to the palace of the Protectorate. We found Raymond in his dining room with six others: they were passing around a bottle and had already had enough to dull the wits of one or two. The guy sitting close to Raymond was telling a story that had everyone else roaring with laughter.

Raymond sat among them, though while he entered into the spirit of the hour, his natural dignity never forsook him. He was gay, playful, fascinating—but never did he overstep the modesty of nature, or the respect due to himself, in his wildest sallies. Yet I own, that considering the task which Raymond had taken on himself as Protector of England, and the cares to which it became him to attend, I was exceedingly provoked to observe the worthless fellows on whom his time was wasted, and the jovial if not drunken spirit which seemed on the point of robbing him of his better self. I stood watching the scene, while Adrian flitted like a shadow in among them, and, by a word and look of sobriety, endeavoured to restore order in the assembly. Raymond expressed himself delighted to see him, declaring that he should make one in the festivity of the night.

Raymond sat among them, and while he joined in the fun of the moment, his natural dignity never left him. He was cheerful, playful, and charming—but he never crossed the line of modesty or the respect he owed himself, even during his wildest antics. Still, I must admit, considering the responsibility Raymond had taken on as Protector of England and the duties he needed to focus on, I was very frustrated to see him wasting time with these worthless people and the carefree, if not drunken, vibe that seemed ready to take away his better self. I stood by, watching the scene unfold, while Adrian moved like a shadow among them, trying with a word and a look of seriousness to bring order to the gathering. Raymond was thrilled to see him, insisting that he should join in the night's festivities.

This action of Adrian provoked me. I was indignant that he should sit at the same table with the companions of Raymond—men of abandoned characters, or rather without any, the refuse of high-bred luxury, the disgrace of their country. “Let me entreat Adrian,” I cried, “not to comply: rather join with me in endeavouring to withdraw Lord Raymond from this scene, and restore him to other society.”

This move by Adrian really got to me. I was angry that he would sit at the same table with Lord Raymond's friends—men with no morals, or really none at all, the dregs of wealth and the shame of their nation. “Please, Adrian,” I pleaded, “don’t go along with this: instead, let’s work together to pull Lord Raymond away from this situation and lead him back to better company.”

“My good fellow,” said Raymond, “this is neither the time nor place for the delivery of a moral lecture: take my word for it that my amusements and society are not so bad as you imagine. We are neither hypocrites or fools —for the rest, ‘Dost thou think because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?’”

“My good man,” said Raymond, “this isn't the right time or place for a moral lecture: trust me when I say that my pastimes and company aren't as bad as you think. We're neither hypocrites nor fools — and besides, ‘Do you think that just because you’re virtuous, there will be no more cakes and ale?’”

I turned angrily away: “Verney,” said Adrian, “you are very cynical: sit down; or if you will not, perhaps, as you are not a frequent visitor, Lord Raymond will humour you, and accompany us, as we had previously agreed upon, to parliament.”

I turned away angrily: “Verney,” Adrian said, “you’re really cynical. Sit down; or if you won’t, maybe since you don’t visit often, Lord Raymond will go along with you and join us, as we had previously arranged, at parliament.”

Raymond looked keenly at him; he could read benignity only in his gentle lineaments; he turned to me, observing with scorn my moody and stern demeanour. “Come,” said Adrian, “I have promised for you, enable me to keep my engagement. Come with us.”—Raymond made an uneasy movement, and laconically replied—“I won’t!”

Raymond looked closely at him; he could see kindness in his gentle features; he turned to me, noticing with disdain my gloomy and serious demeanor. “Come on,” said Adrian, “I’ve made a promise for you, help me keep my word. Come with us.” —Raymond shifted uncomfortably and simply replied, “I won’t!”

The party in the mean time had broken up. They looked at the pictures, strolled into the other apartments, talked of billiards, and one by one vanished. Raymond strode angrily up and down the room. I stood ready to receive and reply to his reproaches. Adrian leaned against the wall. “This is infinitely ridiculous,” he cried, “if you were school-boys, you could not conduct yourselves more unreasonably.”

The party had broken up in the meantime. They looked at the pictures, wandered into the other rooms, talked about billiards, and gradually left one by one. Raymond paced angrily back and forth in the room. I stood prepared to hear and respond to his complaints. Adrian leaned against the wall. “This is so ridiculous,” he exclaimed, “if you were schoolboys, you couldn’t act any more unreasonably.”

“You do not understand,” said Raymond. “This is only part of a system:—a scheme of tyranny to which I will never submit. Because I am Protector of England, am I to be the only slave in its empire? My privacy invaded, my actions censured, my friends insulted? But I will get rid of the whole together.—Be you witnesses,” and he took the star, insignia of office, from his breast, and threw it on the table. “I renounce my office, I abdicate my power—assume it who will!”—-

“You don’t get it,” said Raymond. “This is just part of a system—a plan of oppression that I will never accept. Just because I’m the Protector of England, does that mean I should be the only one enslaved in its empire? My privacy invaded, my actions criticized, my friends disrespected? No, I will get rid of the whole thing. You’ll all witness this,” and he took the star, the symbol of his office, from his chest and tossed it on the table. “I resign from my position, I give up my power—let whoever wants it take it!”

“Let him assume it,” exclaimed Adrian, “who can pronounce himself, or whom the world will pronounce to be your superior. There does not exist the man in England with adequate presumption. Know yourself, Raymond, and your indignation will cease; your complacency return. A few months ago, whenever we prayed for the prosperity of our country, or our own, we at the same time prayed for the life and welfare of the Protector, as indissolubly linked to it. Your hours were devoted to our benefit, your ambition was to obtain our commendation. You decorated our towns with edifices, you bestowed on us useful establishments, you gifted the soil with abundant fertility. The powerful and unjust cowered at the steps of your judgment-seat, and the poor and oppressed arose like morn-awakened flowers under the sunshine of your protection.

“Let him take that role,” Adrian exclaimed, “who can claim to be, or whom the world will see as your superior. There isn’t a man in England with enough arrogance. Understand yourself, Raymond, and your anger will fade; your confidence will return. A few months ago, whenever we prayed for our country’s success, or for our own, we also prayed for the life and well-being of the Protector, as it was closely tied to that success. Your time was spent for our benefit, your goal was to earn our praise. You transformed our towns with buildings, you provided us with useful institutions, you enriched the land with fertility. The powerful and unjust trembled at your judgment, while the poor and oppressed blossomed like flowers in the morning sun under your protection.

“Can you wonder that we are all aghast and mourn, when this appears changed? But, come, this splenetic fit is already passed; resume your functions; your partizans will hail you; your enemies be silenced; our love, honour, and duty will again be manifested towards you. Master yourself, Raymond, and the world is subject to you.”

“Can you blame us for being shocked and grieving when everything seems different? But come on, this gloomy mood is already fading; get back to your duties; your supporters will celebrate you; your enemies will be quieted; our love, respect, and commitment will show through once more. Control yourself, Raymond, and the world will be at your command.”

“All this would be very good sense, if addressed to another,” replied Raymond, moodily, “con the lesson yourself, and you, the first peer of the land, may become its sovereign. You the good, the wise, the just, may rule all hearts. But I perceive, too soon for my own happiness, too late for England’s good, that I undertook a task to which I am unequal. I cannot rule myself. My passions are my masters; my smallest impulse my tyrant. Do you think that I renounced the Protectorate (and I have renounced it) in a fit of spleen? By the God that lives, I swear never to take up that bauble again; never again to burthen myself with the weight of care and misery, of which that is the visible sign.

“All of this would make a lot of sense if aimed at someone else,” replied Raymond, brooding. “If you learn the lesson yourself, you, the highest-ranking noble in the land, could become its ruler. You, the good, the wise, the just, could rule all hearts. But I realize, too soon for my own happiness and too late for England's good, that I took on a responsibility I can't handle. I can't even control myself. My passions are my masters; my slightest impulse is my tyrant. Do you think I gave up the Protectorate (and I have given it up) out of frustration? By the God who lives, I swear I'll never take up that trinket again; I’ll never again burden myself with the weight of care and misery, of which that is the visible sign.

“Once I desired to be a king. It was in the hey-day of youth, in the pride of boyish folly. I knew myself when I renounced it. I renounced it to gain —no matter what—for that also I have lost. For many months I have submitted to this mock majesty—this solemn jest. I am its dupe no longer. I will be free.

“Once I wanted to be a king. It was in the prime of my youth, during the peak of my childish dreams. I realized who I truly was when I gave it up. I gave it up to gain—whatever that may be—for I have lost that too. For many months, I have put up with this fake majesty—this serious joke. I won't be fooled anymore. I will be free.”

“I have lost that which adorned and dignified my life; that which linked me to other men. Again I am a solitary man; and I will become again, as in my early years, a wanderer, a soldier of fortune. My friends, for Verney, I feel that you are my friend, do not endeavour to shake my resolve. Perdita, wedded to an imagination, careless of what is behind the veil, whose charactery is in truth faulty and vile, Perdita has renounced me. With her it was pretty enough to play a sovereign’s part; and, as in the recesses of your beloved forest we acted masques, and imagined ourselves Arcadian shepherds, to please the fancy of the moment—so was I content, more for Perdita’s sake than my own, to take on me the character of one of the great ones of the earth; to lead her behind the scenes of grandeur, to vary her life with a short act of magnificence and power. This was to be the colour; love and confidence the substance of our existence. But we must live, and not act our lives; pursuing the shadow, I lost the reality—now I renounce both.

“I have lost what decorated and dignified my life; what connected me to other people. Once again, I am a lonely man; and I will become, like in my younger years, a wanderer, a soldier of fortune. My friends, for Verney, I feel you are my friend, do not try to shake my resolve. Perdita, married to a fantasy, indifferent to what lies behind the curtain, whose character is actually flawed and despicable, Perdita has cast me aside. With her, it was fun enough to play a royal role; and, as in the depths of your beloved forest, we performed masques and imagined ourselves as Arcadian shepherds, just to please the whims of the moment—so I was content, more for Perdita’s sake than my own, to assume the role of one of the great figures of the earth; to lead her behind the scenes of greatness, to spice up her life with a brief act of splendor and power. This was to be the thrill; love and trust the foundation of our existence. But we must live, not act out our lives; chasing the illusion, I lost the reality—now I give up both.”

“Adrian, I am about to return to Greece, to become again a soldier, perhaps a conqueror. Will you accompany me? You will behold new scenes; see a new people; witness the mighty struggle there going forward between civilization and barbarism; behold, and perhaps direct the efforts of a young and vigorous population, for liberty and order. Come with me. I have expected you. I waited for this moment; all is prepared;—will you accompany me?”

“Adrian, I’m about to go back to Greece to be a soldier again, maybe even a conqueror. Will you come with me? You’ll see new places, meet a new people, and witness the intense struggle between civilization and barbarism happening there; you’ll see and maybe even help guide the efforts of a young and energetic population fighting for freedom and order. Join me. I’ve been expecting you. I’ve waited for this moment; everything is ready—will you come with me?”

“I will,” replied Adrian. “Immediately?”

“I will,” replied Adrian. “Right now?”

“To-morrow if you will.”

"Tomorrow if you'd like."

“Reflect!” I cried.

"Think!" I cried.

“Wherefore?” asked Raymond—“My dear fellow, I have done nothing else than reflect on this step the live-long summer; and be assured that Adrian has condensed an age of reflection into this little moment. Do not talk of reflection; from this moment I abjure it; this is my only happy moment during a long interval of time. I must go, Lionel—the Gods will it; and I must. Do not endeavour to deprive me of my companion, the out-cast’s friend.

“Why?” asked Raymond. “My dear friend, I’ve spent the entire summer thinking about this decision; and believe me, Adrian has packed a lifetime of thoughts into this brief moment. Don’t talk about reflection; from now on, I’m done with it; this is my only happy moment after a long time. I have to go, Lionel—the Gods want it; and I must. Don’t try to take away my companion, the friend of the outcast.”

“One word more concerning unkind, unjust Perdita. For a time, I thought that, by watching a complying moment, fostering the still warm ashes, I might relume in her the flame of love. It is more cold within her, than a fire left by gypsies in winter-time, the spent embers crowned by a pyramid of snow. Then, in endeavouring to do violence to my own disposition, I made all worse than before. Still I think, that time, and even absence, may restore her to me. Remember, that I love her still, that my dearest hope is that she will again be mine. I know, though she does not, how false the veil is which she has spread over the reality—do not endeavour to rend this deceptive covering, but by degrees withdraw it. Present her with a mirror, in which she may know herself; and, when she is an adept in that necessary but difficult science, she will wonder at her present mistake, and hasten to restore to me, what is by right mine, her forgiveness, her kind thoughts, her love.”

"One last word about unkind, unfair Perdita. For a while, I thought that by waiting for the right moment and nurturing the still warm ashes, I could reignite the flame of love within her. But it’s colder in her than a fire left by campers in winter, the used coals covered by a mound of snow. Then, trying to suppress my own feelings only made things worse. Still, I believe that time, and even being apart, might bring her back to me. Remember, I still love her, and my greatest hope is that she will be mine again. I know, even though she doesn’t, how false the cover she’s put over the truth is—don’t try to tear away this deceptive layer, but slowly take it away. Show her a mirror, so she can see herself; and once she masters that necessary but challenging truth, she’ll be amazed at her current mistake and will hurry to give back to me what is rightfully mine: her forgiveness, her kind thoughts, her love."

CHAPTER X.

After these events, it was long before we were able to attain any degree of composure. A moral tempest had wrecked our richly freighted vessel, and we, remnants of the diminished crew, were aghast at the losses and changes which we had undergone. Idris passionately loved her brother, and could ill brook an absence whose duration was uncertain; his society was dear and necessary to me—I had followed up my chosen literary occupations with delight under his tutorship and assistance; his mild philosophy, unerring reason, and enthusiastic friendship were the best ingredient, the exalted spirit of our circle; even the children bitterly regretted the loss of their kind playfellow. Deeper grief oppressed Perdita. In spite of resentment, by day and night she figured to herself the toils and dangers of the wanderers. Raymond absent, struggling with difficulties, lost to the power and rank of the Protectorate, exposed to the perils of war, became an object of anxious interest; not that she felt any inclination to recall him, if recall must imply a return to their former union. Such return she felt to be impossible; and while she believed it to be thus, and with anguish regretted that so it should be, she continued angry and impatient with him, who occasioned her misery. These perplexities and regrets caused her to bathe her pillow with nightly tears, and to reduce her in person and in mind to the shadow of what she had been. She sought solitude, and avoided us when in gaiety and unrestrained affection we met in a family circle. Lonely musings, interminable wanderings, and solemn music were her only pastimes. She neglected even her child; shutting her heart against all tenderness, she grew reserved towards me, her first and fast friend.

After these events, it took a long time for us to find any sense of calm. A moral storm had destroyed our richly laden ship, and we, the remaining members of the crew, were shocked by the losses and changes we had experienced. Idris loved her brother deeply and struggled with the uncertainty of his absence; his company was precious and necessary to me—I had pursued my chosen literary passions joyfully with his guidance and support; his gentle philosophy, sound reasoning, and enthusiastic friendship were the best parts, the uplifting spirit of our group; even the kids missed their wonderful playmate terribly. Perdita felt an even deeper sadness. Despite her anger, day and night she imagined the struggles and dangers faced by the wanderers. With Raymond gone, battling difficulties, stripped of the power and status of the Protectorate, and facing the dangers of war, he became a source of constant worry for her; not that she wanted to bring him back if it meant returning to their past relationship. She believed such a return was impossible, and while she regretted that it had to be this way, she remained angry and frustrated with him for causing her pain. These mixed feelings and regrets led her to soak her pillow with tears every night, turning her into a shadow of her former self, both physically and mentally. She sought solitude and stayed away from us when we were happily gathered as a family. Lonely thoughts, endless wandering, and solemn music were her only hobbies. She even neglected her child; closing herself off to all affection, she became distant towards me, her first and closest friend.

I could not see her thus lost, without exerting myself to remedy the evil —remediless I knew, if I could not in the end bring her to reconcile herself to Raymond. Before he went I used every argument, every persuasion to induce her to stop his journey. She answered the one with a gush of tears—telling me that to be persuaded—life and the goods of life were a cheap exchange. It was not will that she wanted, but the capacity; again and again she declared, it were as easy to enchain the sea, to put reins on the wind’s viewless courses, as for her to take truth for falsehood, deceit for honesty, heartless communion for sincere, confiding love. She answered my reasonings more briefly, declaring with disdain, that the reason was hers; and, until I could persuade her that the past could be unacted, that maturity could go back to the cradle, and that all that was could become as though it had never been, it was useless to assure her that no real change had taken place in her fate. And thus with stern pride she suffered him to go, though her very heart-strings cracked at the fulfilling of the act, which rent from her all that made life valuable.

I couldn’t bear to see her so lost without trying to fix things — even though I knew it was hopeless if I couldn’t ultimately help her reconcile with Raymond. Before he left, I used every argument and persuasion to get her to stop him from leaving. She responded to my words with a flood of tears, telling me that being persuaded felt like a cheap trade for life and its treasures. It wasn’t willpower she needed, but the ability to believe; over and over, she insisted it was as easy to chain the sea or control the invisible paths of the wind as it was for her to accept truth as falsehood, deceit as honesty, or a hollow connection as true, trusting love. She cut my reasoning short, scornfully declaring that the reason belonged to her. Until I could convince her that the past could be undone, that growing up could reverse back to childhood, and that everything that existed could become as if it had never happened, it was pointless to assure her that no real change had occurred in her life. And so, with fierce pride, she let him go, even though her heart was breaking at the act that took away everything that made life valuable.

To change the scene for her, and even for ourselves, all unhinged by the cloud that had come over us, I persuaded my two remaining companions that it were better that we should absent ourselves for a time from Windsor. We visited the north of England, my native Ulswater, and lingered in scenes dear from a thousand associations. We lengthened our tour into Scotland, that we might see Loch Katrine and Loch Lomond; thence we crossed to Ireland, and passed several weeks in the neighbourhood of Killarney. The change of scene operated to a great degree as I expected; after a year’s absence, Perdita returned in gentler and more docile mood to Windsor. The first sight of this place for a time unhinged her. Here every spot was distinct with associations now grown bitter. The forest glades, the ferny dells, and lawny uplands, the cultivated and cheerful country spread around the silver pathway of ancient Thames, all earth, air, and wave, took up one choral voice, inspired by memory, instinct with plaintive regret.

To change the environment for her, and for us as well, all affected by the shadow that had fallen over us, I convinced my two remaining friends that it would be better if we took some time away from Windsor. We traveled to the north of England, visiting my hometown of Ulswater, and spent time in places filled with memories. We extended our journey into Scotland to see Loch Katrine and Loch Lomond; from there, we crossed over to Ireland and spent several weeks near Killarney. The change of scenery had a significant effect, just as I had hoped; after a year away, Perdita returned to Windsor in a gentler, more compliant mood. The first sight of this place disoriented her for a bit. Every location was filled with memories that had now turned sour. The forest clearings, the fern-filled valleys, and grassy hills, along with the cheerful countryside surrounding the silver course of the ancient Thames, all earth, air, and water harmonized in a single voice, filled with nostalgia and sorrow.

But my essay towards bringing her to a saner view of her own situation, did not end here. Perdita was still to a great degree uneducated. When first she left her peasant life, and resided with the elegant and cultivated Evadne, the only accomplishment she brought to any perfection was that of painting, for which she had a taste almost amounting to genius. This had occupied her in her lonely cottage, when she quitted her Greek friend’s protection. Her pallet and easel were now thrown aside; did she try to paint, thronging recollections made her hand tremble, her eyes fill with tears. With this occupation she gave up almost every other; and her mind preyed upon itself almost to madness.

But my efforts to help her see her situation more clearly didn't stop there. Perdita was still quite uneducated. When she first left her life as a peasant and lived with the sophisticated and cultured Evadne, the only skill she had perfected was painting, which she had a talent for that was nearly genius. This was what she focused on in her lonely cottage after leaving her Greek friend's protection. Now, her palette and easel were pushed aside; whenever she tried to paint, overwhelming memories made her hand shake and her eyes fill with tears. With painting, she had given up almost everything else, and her mind was tormented almost to the point of madness.

For my own part, since Adrian had first withdrawn me from my selvatic wilderness to his own paradise of order and beauty, I had been wedded to literature. I felt convinced that however it might have been in former times, in the present stage of the world, no man’s faculties could be developed, no man’s moral principle be enlarged and liberal, without an extensive acquaintance with books. To me they stood in the place of an active career, of ambition, and those palpable excitements necessary to the multitude. The collation of philosophical opinions, the study of historical facts, the acquirement of languages, were at once my recreation, and the serious aim of my life. I turned author myself. My productions however were sufficiently unpretending; they were confined to the biography of favourite historical characters, especially those whom I believed to have been traduced, or about whom clung obscurity and doubt.

Since Adrian first brought me out of my wild isolation into his world of order and beauty, I had become dedicated to literature. I was convinced that no matter how things were in the past, in today’s world, no one could truly develop their mind or expand their moral principles without extensive knowledge of books. For me, books replaced an active career, ambition, and the tangible thrills that many people seek. Analyzing philosophical ideas, studying historical events, and learning languages were both my hobbies and my serious life goals. I also became an author. However, my works were quite modest; I focused on writing biographies of my favorite historical figures, especially those I thought were misrepresented or shrouded in mystery.

As my authorship increased, I acquired new sympathies and pleasures. I found another and a valuable link to enchain me to my fellow-creatures; my point of sight was extended, and the inclinations and capacities of all human beings became deeply interesting to me. Kings have been called the fathers of their people. Suddenly I became as it were the father of all mankind. Posterity became my heirs. My thoughts were gems to enrich the treasure house of man’s intellectual possessions; each sentiment was a precious gift I bestowed on them. Let not these aspirations be attributed to vanity. They were not expressed in words, nor even reduced to form in my own mind; but they filled my soul, exalting my thoughts, raising a glow of enthusiasm, and led me out of the obscure path in which I before walked, into the bright noon-enlightened highway of mankind, making me, citizen of the world, a candidate for immortal honors, an eager aspirant to the praise and sympathy of my fellow men.

As my writing career grew, I developed new connections and pleasures. I found another valuable way to bond with my fellow humans; my perspective broadened, and the thoughts and abilities of all people became incredibly interesting to me. Kings are often referred to as the fathers of their nations. Suddenly, I felt like the father of all humanity. Future generations became my heirs. My ideas were like gems to enhance the treasure of human knowledge; each feeling was a valuable gift I shared with them. Don’t mistake these aspirations for vanity. They weren’t articulated in words or even fully formed in my mind; yet they filled my spirit, inspiring my thoughts, igniting a spark of enthusiasm, and guiding me out of the dark path I once followed into the illuminated highway of humanity, turning me into a global citizen, a contender for everlasting honors, and a passionate seeker of the praise and empathy of my fellow humans.

No one certainly ever enjoyed the pleasures of composition more intensely than I. If I left the woods, the solemn music of the waving branches, and the majestic temple of nature, I sought the vast halls of the Castle, and looked over wide, fertile England, spread beneath our regal mount, and listened the while to inspiring strains of music. At such times solemn harmonies or spirit-stirring airs gave wings to my lagging thoughts, permitting them, methought, to penetrate the last veil of nature and her God, and to display the highest beauty in visible expression to the understandings of men. As the music went on, my ideas seemed to quit their mortal dwelling house; they shook their pinions and began a flight, sailing on the placid current of thought, filling the creation with new glory, and rousing sublime imagery that else had slept voiceless. Then I would hasten to my desk, weave the new-found web of mind in firm texture and brilliant colours, leaving the fashioning of the material to a calmer moment.

No one ever enjoyed the pleasures of writing more than I did. When I left the woods, with the solemn sound of swaying branches and the grand cathedral of nature, I sought the expansive halls of the Castle, gazing over the wide, fertile landscape of England spread out beneath our royal hill, all while listening to inspiring music. During those times, deep harmonies or uplifting melodies lifted my sluggish thoughts, allowing them, I felt, to pierce through the final veil of nature and its Creator, revealing the highest beauty in a way that others could understand. As the music played on, my ideas seemed to break free from their earthly confines; they unfurled their wings and took flight, drifting on a calm stream of thought, filling the world with new brilliance, and awakening grand images that had been silent. Then I would rush to my desk, weaving the fresh ideas into a strong, vibrant tapestry, leaving the details for a more tranquil moment.

But this account, which might as properly belong to a former period of my life as to the present moment, leads me far afield. It was the pleasure I took in literature, the discipline of mind I found arise from it, that made me eager to lead Perdita to the same pursuits. I began with light hand and gentle allurement; first exciting her curiosity, and then satisfying it in such a way as might occasion her, at the same time that she half forgot her sorrows in occupation, to find in the hours that succeeded a reaction of benevolence and toleration.

But this story, which could easily belong to an earlier time in my life just as much as to now, takes me off track. It was the joy I discovered in literature and the mental discipline that came with it that made me excited to guide Perdita toward the same interests. I started gently, using a light touch and soft persuasion; first piquing her curiosity, and then fulfilling it in ways that might help her, while she partially pushed her sorrows aside through engaging activities, to feel a sense of kindness and acceptance in the hours that followed.

Intellectual activity, though not directed towards books, had always been my sister’s characteristic. It had been displayed early in life, leading her out to solitary musing among her native mountains, causing her to form innumerous combinations from common objects, giving strength to her perceptions, and swiftness to their arrangement. Love had come, as the rod of the master-prophet, to swallow up every minor propensity. Love had doubled all her excellencies, and placed a diadem on her genius. Was she to cease to love? Take the colours and odour from the rose, change the sweet nutriment of mother’s milk to gall and poison; as easily might you wean Perdita from love. She grieved for the loss of Raymond with an anguish, that exiled all smile from her lips, and trenched sad lines on her brow of beauty. But each day seemed to change the nature of her suffering, and every succeeding hour forced her to alter (if so I may style it) the fashion of her soul’s mourning garb. For a time music was able to satisfy the cravings of her mental hunger, and her melancholy thoughts renewed themselves in each change of key, and varied with every alteration in the strain. My schooling first impelled her towards books; and, if music had been the food of sorrow, the productions of the wise became its medicine. The acquisition of unknown languages was too tedious an occupation, for one who referred every expression to the universe within, and read not, as many do, for the mere sake of filling up time; but who was still questioning herself and her author, moulding every idea in a thousand ways, ardently desirous for the discovery of truth in every sentence. She sought to improve her understanding; mechanically her heart and dispositions became soft and gentle under this benign discipline. After awhile she discovered, that amidst all her newly acquired knowledge, her own character, which formerly she fancied that she thoroughly understood, became the first in rank among the terrae incognitae, the pathless wilds of a country that had no chart. Erringly and strangely she began the task of self-examination with self-condemnation. And then again she became aware of her own excellencies, and began to balance with juster scales the shades of good and evil. I, who longed beyond words, to restore her to the happiness it was still in her power to enjoy, watched with anxiety the result of these internal proceedings.

Intellectual activity, even when not focused on books, had always been my sister’s defining trait. It showed itself early in her life, leading her to spend time alone in the mountains, making countless connections from everyday objects, strengthening her perceptions, and allowing her to arrange her thoughts quickly. Love had come, like the powerful rod of a master prophet, consuming every minor inclination. Love had doubled all her strengths and crowned her talent. Was she supposed to stop loving? It would be as easy to strip the rose of its colors and fragrance or turn the sweet nourishment of mother’s milk into bitterness and poison. Just as easily could you take Perdita away from love. She mourned Raymond's loss with a pain that erased all smiles from her face and carved sad lines into her beautiful brow. But each day seemed to shift the nature of her suffering, and every hour forced her to change (if I may say so) the way her soul expressed its mourning. For a while, music could satisfy her mental hunger, with her melancholic thoughts renewing themselves in every key change and varying with each shift in melody. My schooling was what first pushed her towards books; and if music was the food of her sorrow, the writings of the wise became its remedy. Learning new languages became too tedious for someone who related every expression to her own inner universe, and who didn’t read, as many do, just to pass the time. Instead, she questioned herself and the authors, reshaping every idea in countless ways, eagerly seeking truth in every sentence. She aimed to enhance her understanding; and as this gentle discipline took hold, her heart and disposition naturally became softer and kinder. Eventually, she realized that among all her newfound knowledge, her own character, which she once believed she fully understood, emerged as the most mysterious part of her being, a pathless wilderness with no map. Strangely and mistakenly, she began the process of self-examination with self-criticism. Yet again, she recognized her own strengths and began to weigh the good and evil more fairly. I, who deeply wished to restore her to the happiness she was still capable of enjoying, anxiously observed the outcome of these internal struggles.

But man is a strange animal. We cannot calculate on his forces like that of an engine; and, though an impulse draw with a forty-horse power at what appears willing to yield to one, yet in contempt of calculation the movement is not effected. Neither grief, philosophy, nor love could make Perdita think with mildness of the dereliction of Raymond. She now took pleasure in my society; towards Idris she felt and displayed a full and affectionate sense of her worth—she restored to her child in abundant measure her tenderness and care. But I could discover, amidst all her repinings, deep resentment towards Raymond, and an unfading sense of injury, that plucked from me my hope, when I appeared nearest to its fulfilment. Among other painful restrictions, she has occasioned it to become a law among us, never to mention Raymond’s name before her. She refused to read any communications from Greece, desiring me only to mention when any arrived, and whether the wanderers were well. It was curious that even little Clara observed this law towards her mother. This lovely child was nearly eight years of age. Formerly she had been a light-hearted infant, fanciful, but gay and childish. After the departure of her father, thought became impressed on her young brow. Children, unadepts in language, seldom find words to express their thoughts, nor could we tell in what manner the late events had impressed themselves on her mind. But certainly she had made deep observations while she noted in silence the changes that passed around her. She never mentioned her father to Perdita, she appeared half afraid when she spoke of him to me, and though I tried to draw her out on the subject, and to dispel the gloom that hung about her ideas concerning him, I could not succeed. Yet each foreign post-day she watched for the arrival of letters—knew the post mark, and watched me as I read. I found her often poring over the article of Greek intelligence in the newspaper.

But people are strange creatures. We can’t rely on their emotions like we can on a machine; and although a strong urge might seem to pull them in one direction, the outcome doesn’t always play out as expected. Neither sadness, philosophy, nor love made Perdita think kindly of Raymond’s abandonment. Now, she enjoyed being around me; she felt and showed a deep appreciation for Idris—she gave her child back a lot of love and care. But I could see, beneath all her complaints, a deep resentment towards Raymond and a lasting feeling of hurt that robbed me of hope just when I thought it might be realized. Among other painful rules, she established that we should never mention Raymond’s name in front of her. She refused to read any messages from Greece, only wanting me to tell her when they arrived and whether the travelers were doing okay. Interestingly, even little Clara followed this rule with her mother. This beautiful child was almost eight years old. She used to be a carefree little girl, imaginative but joyful and innocent. After her father left, a serious look settled on her young face. Children, not quite skilled with words, often struggle to express their thoughts, and we couldn’t grasp how recent events had impacted her mind. But she certainly noticed a lot while quietly observing the changes around her. She never mentioned her father to Perdita and seemed somewhat afraid to talk about him with me, and though I tried to encourage her to share her feelings and lighten the heaviness surrounding her thoughts about him, I couldn’t succeed. Yet every time the mail arrived, she would eagerly wait for the letters—recognized the postmark, and watched me closely as I read. I often found her studying the section on Greek news in the newspaper.

There is no more painful sight than that of untimely care in children, and it was particularly observable in one whose disposition had heretofore been mirthful. Yet there was so much sweetness and docility about Clara, that your admiration was excited; and if the moods of mind are calculated to paint the cheek with beauty, and endow motions with grace, surely her contemplations must have been celestial; since every lineament was moulded into loveliness, and her motions were more harmonious than the elegant boundings of the fawns of her native forest. I sometimes expostulated with Perdita on the subject of her reserve; but she rejected my counsels, while her daughter’s sensibility excited in her a tenderness still more passionate.

There’s nothing more painful than seeing children who care too much too soon, especially in one who used to be joyful. But Clara had such sweetness and gentleness that it made you admire her. If our thoughts can bring beauty to our faces and grace to our movements, then her thoughts must have been heavenly; every feature was shaped into beauty, and her movements were more graceful than the playful leaps of the fawns in her home forest. I sometimes argued with Perdita about her daughter’s shyness, but she dismissed my advice, while Clara's sensitivity stirred in her an even deeper tenderness.

After the lapse of more than a year, Adrian returned from Greece.

After more than a year, Adrian came back from Greece.

When our exiles had first arrived, a truce was in existence between the Turks and Greeks; a truce that was as sleep to the mortal frame, signal of renewed activity on waking. With the numerous soldiers of Asia, with all of warlike stores, ships, and military engines, that wealth and power could command, the Turks at once resolved to crush an enemy, which creeping on by degrees, had from their stronghold in the Morea, acquired Thrace and Macedonia, and had led their armies even to the gates of Constantinople, while their extensive commercial relations gave every European nation an interest in their success. Greece prepared for a vigorous resistance; it rose to a man; and the women, sacrificing their costly ornaments, accoutred their sons for the war, and bade them conquer or die with the spirit of the Spartan mother. The talents and courage of Raymond were highly esteemed among the Greeks. Born at Athens, that city claimed him for her own, and by giving him the command of her peculiar division in the army, the commander-in-chief only possessed superior power. He was numbered among her citizens, his name was added to the list of Grecian heroes. His judgment, activity, and consummate bravery, justified their choice. The Earl of Windsor became a volunteer under his friend.

When our exiles first arrived, there was a truce between the Turks and Greeks; a truce that was like sleep to the human body, signaling renewed energy upon waking. With the many soldiers from Asia, along with all the war supplies, ships, and military equipment that wealth and power could muster, the Turks quickly decided to defeat an enemy that had gradually moved from their stronghold in the Morea to acquire Thrace and Macedonia, even leading their armies to the gates of Constantinople, while their extensive trade relations had given every European nation a stake in their success. Greece prepared for strong resistance; it rose united, and the women, sacrificing their valuable ornaments, equipped their sons for battle, encouraging them to conquer or die with the spirit of the Spartan mother. The skills and bravery of Raymond were highly valued among the Greeks. Born in Athens, that city claimed him as her own, and by giving him command of her special division in the army, the commander-in-chief only held a higher rank. He was counted among her citizens, and his name was added to the list of Greek heroes. His judgment, energy, and exceptional bravery justified their choice. The Earl of Windsor volunteered under his friend.

“It is well,” said Adrian, “to prate of war in these pleasant shades, and with much ill-spent oil make a show of joy, because many thousand of our fellow-creatures leave with pain this sweet air and natal earth. I shall not be suspected of being averse to the Greek cause; I know and feel its necessity; it is beyond every other a good cause. I have defended it with my sword, and was willing that my spirit should be breathed out in its defence; freedom is of more worth than life, and the Greeks do well to defend their privilege unto death. But let us not deceive ourselves. The Turks are men; each fibre, each limb is as feeling as our own, and every spasm, be it mental or bodily, is as truly felt in a Turk’s heart or brain, as in a Greek’s. The last action at which I was present was the taking of ——. The Turks resisted to the last, the garrison perished on the ramparts, and we entered by assault. Every breathing creature within the walls was massacred. Think you, amidst the shrieks of violated innocence and helpless infancy, I did not feel in every nerve the cry of a fellow being? They were men and women, the sufferers, before they were Mahometans, and when they rise turbanless from the grave, in what except their good or evil actions will they be the better or worse than we? Two soldiers contended for a girl, whose rich dress and extreme beauty excited the brutal appetites of these wretches, who, perhaps good men among their families, were changed by the fury of the moment into incarnated evils. An old man, with a silver beard, decrepid and bald, he might be her grandfather, interposed to save her; the battle axe of one of them clove his skull. I rushed to her defence, but rage made them blind and deaf; they did not distinguish my Christian garb or heed my words—words were blunt weapons then, for while war cried “havoc,” and murder gave fit echo, how could I—

“It’s easy,” Adrian said, “to talk about war in these nice surroundings and act like everything’s fine while countless people are suffering as they leave this sweet air and homeland. You won’t find me against the Greek cause; I understand and feel its importance. It’s undeniably a just cause. I’ve fought for it with my sword and would gladly give my life in its defense; freedom is worth more than life itself, and the Greeks are right to fight for their rights even unto death. But let’s not fool ourselves. The Turks are human; every fiber and limb feels pain just like ours, and every ache, whether physical or emotional, is just as real in a Turk’s heart or mind as it is in a Greek’s. The last event I witnessed was the taking of -----. The Turks fought fiercely to the end; the garrison was slaughtered on the walls, and we made our way in through force. Every living being within those walls was killed. Do you think, amid the cries of innocent suffering and defenseless children, that I didn’t feel a deep pain in every fiber of my being? They were men and women first, before they were Muslims, and when they rise from the grave without their turbans, what will make them any better or worse than us except for their good or bad deeds? Two soldiers fought over a girl, whose fancy clothes and incredible beauty stirred the brutal instincts of these men, who might have been decent in their own families but were transformed into monsters by the madness of the moment. An old man, with a gray beard and bald head, possibly her grandfather, stepped in to protect her; one of them split his skull with an axe. I rushed to defend her, but their fury made them blind and deaf; they didn’t recognize my Christian clothing or listen to my words—words were useless in that chaos, as war shouted ‘destruction,’ and murder echoed right back, how could I—”

Turn back the tide of ills, relieving wrong
With mild accost of soothing eloquence?

Turn back the wave of problems, easing the hurt
With gentle words of calming persuasion?

One of the fellows, enraged at my interference, struck me with his bayonet in the side, and I fell senseless.

One of the guys, furious at my interruption, stabbed me in the side with his bayonet, and I collapsed unconscious.

“This wound will probably shorten my life, having shattered a frame, weak of itself. But I am content to die. I have learnt in Greece that one man, more or less, is of small import, while human bodies remain to fill up the thinned ranks of the soldiery; and that the identity of an individual may be overlooked, so that the muster roll contain its full numbers. All this has a different effect upon Raymond. He is able to contemplate the ideal of war, while I am sensible only to its realities. He is a soldier, a general. He can influence the blood-thirsty war-dogs, while I resist their propensities vainly. The cause is simple. Burke has said that, ‘in all bodies those who would lead, must also, in a considerable degree, follow.’ —I cannot follow; for I do not sympathize in their dreams of massacre and glory—to follow and to lead in such a career, is the natural bent of Raymond’s mind. He is always successful, and bids fair, at the same time that he acquires high name and station for himself, to secure liberty, probably extended empire, to the Greeks.”

“This wound will likely shorten my life, having shattered a weak frame. But I’m ready to die. I learned in Greece that one person, more or less, doesn’t matter much when there are still bodies to fill the dwindling ranks of soldiers; and that an individual's identity can be overlooked so the roster can have its full numbers. This has a different effect on Raymond. He can think about the ideals of war, while I can only see its harsh realities. He’s a soldier, a general. He can sway the bloodthirsty war-hungry men, while I futilely resist their urges. The reason is simple. Burke said that, ‘in all groups, those who would lead must also, to some degree, follow.’ —I can’t follow because I don’t share their dreams of slaughter and glory—following and leading in such a path is Raymond’s natural inclination. He’s always successful, and while he earns a great reputation and high status for himself, he’s likely securing freedom and possibly even greater territory for the Greeks.”

Perdita’s mind was not softened by this account. He, she thought, can be great and happy without me. Would that I also had a career! Would that I could freight some untried bark with all my hopes, energies, and desires, and launch it forth into the ocean of life—bound for some attainable point, with ambition or pleasure at the helm! But adverse winds detain me on shore; like Ulysses, I sit at the water’s edge and weep. But my nerveless hands can neither fell the trees, nor smooth the planks. Under the influence of these melancholy thoughts, she became more than ever in love with sorrow. Yet Adrian’s presence did some good; he at once broke through the law of silence observed concerning Raymond. At first she started from the unaccustomed sound; soon she got used to it and to love it, and she listened with avidity to the account of his achievements. Clara got rid also of her restraint; Adrian and she had been old playfellows; and now, as they walked or rode together, he yielded to her earnest entreaty, and repeated, for the hundredth time, some tale of her father’s bravery, munificence, or justice.

Perdita’s mind wasn’t softened by this story. He, she thought, can be great and happy without me. I wish I also had a career! I wish I could load some untested ship with all my hopes, energies, and desires, and send it out into the ocean of life—headed for some reachable destination, with ambition or pleasure in charge! But unfavorable winds keep me stuck on shore; like Ulysses, I sit at the water’s edge and cry. But my weak hands can neither chop down the trees nor smooth the planks. Under the weight of these gloomy thoughts, she fell even more in love with sorrow. Yet Adrian’s presence did some good; he immediately broke the silence regarding Raymond. At first, she reacted to the unfamiliar sound; soon she got used to it and grew to love it, eagerly listening to the stories of his accomplishments. Clara also shed her restraint; Adrian and she had been childhood friends; and now, as they walked or rode together, he gave in to her passionate request, recounting for the hundredth time some tale of her father’s bravery, generosity, or fairness.

Each vessel in the mean time brought exhilarating tidings from Greece. The presence of a friend in its armies and councils made us enter into the details with enthusiasm; and a short letter now and then from Raymond told us how he was engrossed by the interests of his adopted country. The Greeks were strongly attached to their commercial pursuits, and would have been satisfied with their present acquisitions, had not the Turks roused them by invasion. The patriots were victorious; a spirit of conquest was instilled; and already they looked on Constantinople as their own. Raymond rose perpetually in their estimation; but one man held a superior command to him in their armies. He was conspicuous for his conduct and choice of position in a battle fought in the plains of Thrace, on the banks of the Hebrus, which was to decide the fate of Islam. The Mahometans were defeated, and driven entirely from the country west of this river. The battle was sanguinary, the loss of the Turks apparently irreparable; the Greeks, in losing one man, forgot the nameless crowd strewed upon the bloody field, and they ceased to value themselves on a victory, which cost them— Raymond.

Each ship, in the meantime, brought exciting news from Greece. Having a friend in its armies and councils made us dive into the details with enthusiasm; and every now and then, a short letter from Raymond informed us about how he was absorbed by the interests of his adopted country. The Greeks were very attached to their businesses and would have been content with their current gains if the Turks hadn’t provoked them by invading. The patriots were victorious; a sense of conquest took hold, and they already viewed Constantinople as their own. Raymond’s reputation rose continuously among them, but one man held a higher rank in their armies. He stood out for his actions and strategic position in a battle fought in the plains of Thrace, along the Hebrus River, which would determine the fate of Islam. The Muslims were defeated and completely driven out from the area west of this river. The battle was bloody, and the loss for the Turks seemed irreparable; the Greeks, in losing one man, overlooked the countless others who lay on the bloody field, and they stopped valuing a victory that cost them—Raymond.

At the battle of Makri he had led the charge of cavalry, and pursued the fugitives even to the banks of the Hebrus. His favourite horse was found grazing by the margin of the tranquil river. It became a question whether he had fallen among the unrecognized; but no broken ornament or stained trapping betrayed his fate. It was suspected that the Turks, finding themselves possessed of so illustrious a captive, resolved to satisfy their cruelty rather than their avarice, and fearful of the interference of England, had come to the determination of concealing for ever the cold-blooded murder of the soldier they most hated and feared in the squadrons of their enemy.

At the battle of Makri, he led the cavalry charge and chased the fleeing enemies all the way to the banks of the Hebrus. His favorite horse was found grazing by the calm river. There was uncertainty about whether he had fallen among the unidentified, but no broken gear or stained harness revealed his fate. It was suspected that the Turks, realizing they had such a famous captive, chose to satisfy their cruelty instead of their greed. Afraid of England's interference, they decided to permanently hide the cold-blooded murder of the soldier they most hated and feared among their enemies.

Raymond was not forgotten in England. His abdication of the Protectorate had caused an unexampled sensation; and, when his magnificent and manly system was contrasted with the narrow views of succeeding politicians, the period of his elevation was referred to with sorrow. The perpetual recurrence of his name, joined to most honourable testimonials, in the Greek gazettes, kept up the interest he had excited. He seemed the favourite child of fortune, and his untimely loss eclipsed the world, and shewed forth the remnant of mankind with diminished lustre. They clung with eagerness to the hope held out that he might yet be alive. Their minister at Constantinople was urged to make the necessary perquisitions, and should his existence be ascertained, to demand his release. It was to be hoped that their efforts would succeed, and that though now a prisoner, the sport of cruelty and the mark of hate, he would be rescued from danger and restored to the happiness, power, and honour which he deserved.

Raymond was not forgotten in England. His resignation as Protector had caused an unprecedented stir; and, when his impressive and strong approach was compared to the narrow-mindedness of the politicians that followed him, people spoke of his time in power with regret. The constant mention of his name, along with many honorable accolades in the Greek newspapers, kept the interest he had generated alive. He seemed like the favored child of fortune, and his untimely loss cast a shadow over the world, revealing humanity in a less vibrant light. They eagerly clung to the hope that he might still be alive. Their minister in Constantinople was urged to make the necessary inquiries, and if it turned out he was alive, to demand his release. It was hoped that their efforts would succeed, and that even as a prisoner, subject to cruelty and marked by hatred, he would be rescued from danger and restored to the happiness, power, and honor he deserved.

The effect of this intelligence upon my sister was striking. She never for a moment credited the story of his death; she resolved instantly to go to Greece. Reasoning and persuasion were thrown away upon her; she would endure no hindrance, no delay. It may be advanced for a truth, that, if argument or entreaty can turn any one from a desperate purpose, whose motive and end depends on the strength of the affections only, then it is right so to turn them, since their docility shews, that neither the motive nor the end were of sufficient force to bear them through the obstacles attendant on their undertaking. If, on the contrary, they are proof against expostulation, this very steadiness is an omen of success; and it becomes the duty of those who love them, to assist in smoothing the obstructions in their path. Such sentiments actuated our little circle. Finding Perdita immoveable, we consulted as to the best means of furthering her purpose. She could not go alone to a country where she had no friends, where she might arrive only to hear the dreadful news, which must overwhelm her with grief and remorse. Adrian, whose health had always been weak, now suffered considerable aggravation of suffering from the effects of his wound. Idris could not endure to leave him in this state; nor was it right either to quit or take with us a young family for a journey of this description. I resolved at length to accompany Perdita. The separation from my Idris was painful—but necessity reconciled us to it in some degree: necessity and the hope of saving Raymond, and restoring him again to happiness and Perdita. No delay was to ensue. Two days after we came to our determination, we set out for Portsmouth, and embarked. The season was May, the weather stormless; we were promised a prosperous voyage. Cherishing the most fervent hopes, embarked on the waste ocean, we saw with delight the receding shore of Britain, and on the wings of desire outspeeded our well filled sails towards the South. The light curling waves bore us onward, and old ocean smiled at the freight of love and hope committed to his charge; it stroked gently its tempestuous plains, and the path was smoothed for us. Day and night the wind right aft, gave steady impulse to our keel—nor did rough gale, or treacherous sand, or destructive rock interpose an obstacle between my sister and the land which was to restore her to her first beloved,

The impact of this intelligence on my sister was remarkable. She never believed for a second that the story of his death was true; she immediately decided to go to Greece. Reasoning and persuasion were useless with her; she would accept no obstacles or delays. It could be said that if logic or pleading can change someone's mind from a determined decision based solely on strong feelings, then it’s right to change them, since their willingness shows that neither the motive nor the goal was strong enough to help them overcome the challenges of their undertaking. Conversely, if they remain steadfast against argument, that determination is a sign of success; it then becomes the responsibility of those who care about them to help clear the way for them. Such feelings motivated our small group. Finding Perdita unwavering, we discussed the best ways to support her goal. She couldn’t go alone to a country where she had no friends, where she might arrive only to receive the heartbreaking news that would overwhelm her with grief and guilt. Adrian, whose health had always been fragile, was now suffering even more from the effects of his injury. Idris couldn’t bear to leave him in this condition, nor was it right to leave or take a young family on such a journey. I finally decided to accompany Perdita. The separation from my Idris was painful—but necessity eased our hearts somewhat: necessity and the hope of saving Raymond and bringing him back to happiness and Perdita. There would be no delay. Two days after we reached our decision, we set out for Portsmouth and boarded the ship. It was May, the weather calm; we were promised a smooth voyage. Filled with the strongest hopes, we sailed into the vast ocean, watching the shores of Britain disappear with joy, and with the wings of desire, we sped ahead with our well-filled sails toward the South. The light, curling waves pushed us onward, and the old ocean smiled at the burden of love and hope entrusted to him; it gently calmed its rough seas, smoothing our path. Day and night, the wind blew steadily behind us, driving our keel forward—no rough gale, treacherous sand, or dangerous rock stood in the way between my sister and the land that would reunite her with her first love.

Her dear heart’s confessor—a heart within that heart.

Her beloved's confessor—a heart within that heart.

VOL. II.

CHAPTER I.

During this voyage, when on calm evenings we conversed on deck, watching the glancing of the waves and the changeful appearances of the sky, I discovered the total revolution that the disasters of Raymond had wrought in the mind of my sister. Were they the same waters of love, which, lately cold and cutting as ice, repelling as that, now loosened from their frozen chains, flowed through the regions of her soul in gushing and grateful exuberance? She did not believe that he was dead, but she knew that he was in danger, and the hope of assisting in his liberation, and the idea of soothing by tenderness the ills that he might have undergone, elevated and harmonized the late jarring element of her being. I was not so sanguine as she as to the result of our voyage. She was not sanguine, but secure; and the expectation of seeing the lover she had banished, the husband, friend, heart’s companion from whom she had long been alienated, wrapt her senses in delight, her mind in placidity. It was beginning life again; it was leaving barren sands for an abode of fertile beauty; it was a harbour after a tempest, an opiate after sleepless nights, a happy waking from a terrible dream.

During this journey, on calm evenings when we chatted on deck, watching the waves and the changing sky, I noticed how much the troubles of Raymond had affected my sister's mindset. Were we really in the same waters of love that had once felt cold and harsh, now, having broken free from their frozen grip, flowing through her soul in a rush of grateful warmth? She didn't believe he was dead; she knew he was in danger. The hope of helping him escape and the thought of comforting him through any suffering he might have experienced elevated and harmonized the earlier chaos in her being. I wasn’t as optimistic as she was about the outcome of our journey. While she wasn't overly hopeful, she felt secure, and the anticipation of seeing the lover she had pushed away, the husband, friend, and soulmate she had been distant from for so long, filled her with joy and peace. It was like starting life anew; it was leaving behind barren sands for a place of lush beauty; it was finding a safe harbor after a storm, a soothing balm after sleepless nights, a blissful awakening from a terrible nightmare.

Little Clara accompanied us; the poor child did not well understand what was going forward. She heard that we were bound for Greece, that she would see her father, and now, for the first time, she prattled of him to her mother.

Little Clara came with us; the poor kid didn't really understand what was happening. She heard we were heading to Greece, that she would see her dad, and now, for the first time, she babbled about him to her mom.

On landing at Athens we found difficulties encrease upon us: nor could the storied earth or balmy atmosphere inspire us with enthusiasm or pleasure, while the fate of Raymond was in jeopardy. No man had ever excited so strong an interest in the public mind; this was apparent even among the phlegmatic English, from whom he had long been absent. The Athenians had expected their hero to return in triumph; the women had taught their children to lisp his name joined to thanksgiving; his manly beauty, his courage, his devotion to their cause, made him appear in their eyes almost as one of the ancient deities of the soil descended from their native Olympus to defend them. When they spoke of his probable death and certain captivity, tears streamed from their eyes; even as the women of Syria sorrowed for Adonis, did the wives and mothers of Greece lament our English Raymond—Athens was a city of mourning.

When we landed in Athens, we found that difficulties were mounting for us. The legendary land and pleasant weather couldn't lift our spirits or bring us joy, given the danger Raymond was in. No one had ever sparked such strong interest among the public; this was clear even among the calm English, from whom he had been absent for a long time. The people of Athens had hoped for their hero's triumphant return; mothers had taught their children to say his name in prayer. His handsome looks, bravery, and dedication to their cause made him seem almost like one of their ancient gods come down from Olympus to help them. When they talked about his likely death and certain capture, tears poured from their eyes; just like the women of Syria mourned for Adonis, the wives and mothers of Greece grieved for our English Raymond—Athens was a city in mourning.

All these shews of despair struck Perdita with affright. With that sanguine but confused expectation, which desire engendered while she was at a distance from reality, she had formed an image in her mind of instantaneous change, when she should set her foot on Grecian shores. She fancied that Raymond would already be free, and that her tender attentions would come to entirely obliterate even the memory of his mischance. But his fate was still uncertain; she began to fear the worst, and to feel that her soul’s hope was cast on a chance that might prove a blank. The wife and lovely child of Lord Raymond became objects of intense interest in Athens. The gates of their abode were besieged, audible prayers were breathed for his restoration; all these circumstances added to the dismay and fears of Perdita.

All of these displays of despair terrified Perdita. With a hopeful yet confused expectation, fueled by desire while still far from reality, she had imagined an instant change once she set foot on Greek shores. She believed that Raymond would already be free, and that her tender care would completely erase even the memory of his misfortune. But his fate was still uncertain; she began to fear the worst and felt that her hopes were resting on a chance that could end up empty. The wife and beautiful child of Lord Raymond became a focus of intense interest in Athens. The gates of their home were overwhelmed with visitors, and prayers were heard for his safe return; all of these details heightened Perdita's dismay and fears.

My exertions were unremitted: after a time I left Athens, and joined the army stationed at Kishan in Thrace. Bribery, threats, and intrigue, soon discovered the secret that Raymond was alive, a prisoner, suffering the most rigorous confinement and wanton cruelties. We put in movement every impulse of policy and money to redeem him from their hands.

My efforts were relentless: after a while, I left Athens and joined the army stationed at Kishan in Thrace. Bribery, threats, and scheming soon revealed the secret that Raymond was alive, a prisoner, enduring harsh confinement and cruel treatment. We activated every political strategy and financial resource to rescue him from their grip.

The impatience of my sister’s disposition now returned on her, awakened by repentance, sharpened by remorse. The very beauty of the Grecian climate, during the season of spring, added torture to her sensations. The unexampled loveliness of the flower-clad earth—the genial sunshine and grateful shade—the melody of the birds—the majesty of the woods— the splendour of the marble ruins—the clear effulgence of the stars by night—the combination of all that was exciting and voluptuous in this transcending land, by inspiring a quicker spirit of life and an added sensitiveness to every articulation of her frame, only gave edge to the poignancy of her grief. Each long hour was counted, and “He suffers” was the burthen of all her thoughts. She abstained from food; she lay on the bare earth, and, by such mimickry of his enforced torments, endeavoured to hold communion with his distant pain. I remembered in one of her harshest moments a quotation of mine had roused her to anger and disdain. “Perdita,” I had said, “some day you will discover that you have done wrong in again casting Raymond on the thorns of life. When disappointment has sullied his beauty, when a soldier’s hardships have bent his manly form, and loneliness made even triumph bitter to him, then you will repent; and regret for the irreparable change

The impatience of my sister’s personality returned to her, stirred by regret and intensified by guilt. The beauty of the Grecian springtime only added to her suffering. The extraordinary loveliness of the flower-covered earth—the warm sunshine and welcoming shade—the singing of the birds—the grandeur of the forests—the splendor of the marble ruins—the bright shine of the stars at night—the mix of everything exciting and indulgent in this amazing land, made her feel more alive and heightened her sensitivity to every part of her being, which only deepened her grief. Every long hour felt like a countdown, and “He suffers” was the theme of all her thoughts. She stopped eating; she lay on the bare ground, and by mimicking his suffering, tried to connect with his distant pain. I remembered that during one of her toughest moments, a quote of mine had sparked her anger and contempt. “Perdita,” I had said, “one day you will realize that you made a mistake by putting Raymond back on the thorns of life. When disappointment has tarnished his beauty, when a soldier’s hardships have hunched his strong body, and loneliness has made even victory feel bitter, then you will regret it; and the sorrow for the irreversible change...

“will move
        In hearts all rocky now, the late remorse of love.”[1]

“will move
        In hearts that are now hardened, the lingering regret of love.”[1]

The stinging “remorse of love” now pierced her heart. She accused herself of his journey to Greece—his dangers—his imprisonment. She pictured to herself the anguish of his solitude; she remembered with what eager delight he had in former days made her the partner of his joyful hopes— with what grateful affection he received her sympathy in his cares. She called to mind how often he had declared that solitude was to him the greatest of all evils, and how death itself was to him more full of fear and pain when he pictured to himself a lonely grave. “My best girl,” he had said, “relieves me from these phantasies. United to her, cherished in her dear heart, never again shall I know the misery of finding myself alone. Even if I die before you, my Perdita, treasure up my ashes till yours may mingle with mine. It is a foolish sentiment for one who is not a materialist, yet, methinks, even in that dark cell, I may feel that my inanimate dust mingles with yours, and thus have a companion in decay.” In her resentful mood, these expressions had been remembered with acrimony and disdain; they visited her in her softened hour, taking sleep from her eyes, all hope of rest from her uneasy mind.

The sharp “remorse of love” now pierced her heart. She blamed herself for his trip to Greece—his dangers—his imprisonment. She imagined the pain of his solitude; she recalled how eagerly he had once made her part of his joyful hopes—how gratefully he had accepted her sympathy for his worries. She remembered how often he had said that solitude was the greatest evil for him, and how he feared and felt pain even more when he envisioned a lonely grave. “My best girl,” he had said, “saves me from these nightmares. With her, cherished in her dear heart, I will never again know the misery of being alone. Even if I die before you, my Perdita, hold on to my ashes until they can be mixed with yours. It’s a silly thought for someone who isn’t a materialist, yet I think that even in that dark cell, I might feel that my lifeless dust blends with yours, giving me a companion in decay.” In her bitter mood, she remembered these words with bitterness and scorn; they haunted her in her vulnerable moments, robbing her of sleep and any hope of rest for her restless mind.

Two months passed thus, when at last we obtained a promise of Raymond’s release. Confinement and hardship had undermined his health; the Turks feared an accomplishment of the threats of the English government, if he died under their hands; they looked upon his recovery as impossible; they delivered him up as a dying man, willingly making over to us the rites of burial.

Two months went by, and finally, we got a promise of Raymond’s release. His time in captivity and the tough conditions had taken a toll on his health; the Turks were worried about facing the consequences from the English government if he died while in their custody. They considered his recovery impossible and handed him over to us as a dying man, willingly transferring the responsibility for his burial.

He came by sea from Constantinople to Athens. The wind, favourable to him, blew so strongly in shore, that we were unable, as we had at first intended, to meet him on his watery road. The watchtower of Athens was besieged by inquirers, each sail eagerly looked out for; till on the first of May the gallant frigate bore in sight, freighted with treasure more invaluable than the wealth which, piloted from Mexico, the vexed Pacific swallowed, or that was conveyed over its tranquil bosom to enrich the crown of Spain. At early dawn the vessel was discovered bearing in shore; it was conjectured that it would cast anchor about five miles from land. The news spread through Athens, and the whole city poured out at the gate of the Piraeus, down the roads, through the vineyards, the olive woods and plantations of fig-trees, towards the harbour. The noisy joy of the populace, the gaudy colours of their dress, the tumult of carriages and horses, the march of soldiers intermixed, the waving of banners and sound of martial music added to the high excitement of the scene; while round us reposed in solemn majesty the relics of antient time. To our right the Acropolis rose high, spectatress of a thousand changes, of ancient glory, Turkish slavery, and the restoration of dear-bought liberty; tombs and cenotaphs were strewed thick around, adorned by ever renewing vegetation; the mighty dead hovered over their monuments, and beheld in our enthusiasm and congregated numbers a renewal of the scenes in which they had been the actors. Perdita and Clara rode in a close carriage; I attended them on horseback. At length we arrived at the harbour; it was agitated by the outward swell of the sea; the beach, as far could be discerned, was covered by a moving multitude, which, urged by those behind toward the sea, again rushed back as the heavy waves with sullen roar burst close to them. I applied my glass, and could discern that the frigate had already cast anchor, fearful of the danger of approaching nearer to a lee shore: a boat was lowered; with a pang I saw that Raymond was unable to descend the vessel’s side; he was let down in a chair, and lay wrapt in cloaks at the bottom of the boat.

He arrived by sea from Constantinople to Athens. The wind was in his favor, blowing so strongly towards the shore that we couldn’t, as we initially planned, meet him on his watery journey. The watchtower of Athens was crowded with people asking questions, eagerly scanning the horizon for any sails. Then, on May 1st, the brave ship finally appeared, loaded with treasure more precious than the wealth that the troubled Pacific carried from Mexico or that which was transported across its calm waters to enrich the Spanish crown. At dawn, the vessel was spotted headed for the shore; it was believed that it would anchor about five miles from land. News quickly spread throughout Athens, and the whole city rushed to the gates of Piraeus, down the roads, through the vineyards, olive groves, and fig-tree plantations towards the harbor. The excited cheers of the crowd, the bright colors of their clothing, the commotion of carriages and horses, the marching soldiers mixed in, the fluttering of banners, and the sound of military music heightened the thrilling atmosphere of the scene, while around us stood the majestic remnants of ancient times. To our right, the Acropolis loomed high, witnessing a thousand changes: from ancient glory to Turkish oppression, and then the hard-won freedom; tombs and cenotaphs were scattered all around, adorned with ever-renewing greenery. The great dead seemed to hover over their monuments, observing in our enthusiasm and the crowds gathered a revival of the scenes they once participated in. Perdita and Clara traveled in a closed carriage while I rode alongside them on horseback. Eventually, we reached the harbor; it was restless from the outer waves of the sea; the beach was filled with a moving crowd, which, pushed toward the sea by those behind, would retreat again as the heavy waves crashed nearby. I raised my glass and could see that the frigate had already anchored, wary of the dangers of coming too close to the shore. A boat was lowered; with a pang, I noticed that Raymond couldn’t make it down from the ship; he was lowered in a chair and lay wrapped in cloaks at the bottom of the boat.

I dismounted, and called to some sailors who were rowing about the harbour to pull up, and take me into their skiff; Perdita at the same moment alighted from her carriage—she seized my arm—“Take me with you,” she cried; she was trembling and pale; Clara clung to her—“You must not,” I said, “the sea is rough—he will soon be here—do you not see his boat?” The little bark to which I had beckoned had now pulled up; before I could stop her, Perdita, assisted by the sailors was in it—Clara followed her mother—a loud shout echoed from the crowd as we pulled out of the inner harbour; while my sister at the prow, had caught hold of one of the men who was using a glass, asking a thousand questions, careless of the spray that broke over her, deaf, sightless to all, except the little speck that, just visible on the top of the waves, evidently neared. We approached with all the speed six rowers could give; the orderly and picturesque dress of the soldiers on the beach, the sounds of exulting music, the stirring breeze and waving flags, the unchecked exclamations of the eager crowd, whose dark looks and foreign garb were purely eastern; the sight of temple-crowned rock, the white marble of the buildings glittering in the sun, and standing in bright relief against the dark ridge of lofty mountains beyond; the near roar of the sea, the splash of oars, and dash of spray, all steeped my soul in a delirium, unfelt, unimagined in the common course of common life. Trembling, I was unable to continue to look through the glass with which I had watched the motion of the crew, when the frigate’s boat had first been launched. We rapidly drew near, so that at length the number and forms of those within could be discerned; its dark sides grew big, and the splash of its oars became audible: I could distinguish the languid form of my friend, as he half raised himself at our approach.

I got off my horse and called to some sailors who were rowing around the harbor to stop and take me in their small boat. At the same moment, Perdita got down from her carriage and grabbed my arm, saying, “Take me with you,” her voice shaking and her face pale. Clara clung to her. “You can’t,” I said. “The sea is rough—he’ll be here soon—can’t you see his boat?” The small boat I had signaled to had now arrived. Before I could stop her, Perdita, with the help of the sailors, was in it—Clara followed her mother. A loud cheer erupted from the crowd as we pushed out of the inner harbor. My sister at the front grabbed one of the men who was using a telescope, bombarding him with questions, ignoring the spray that splashed over her, oblivious to everything except the tiny dot just visible on the waves, which was getting closer. We approached as fast as six rowers could manage; the neatly dressed soldiers on the beach, the sounds of triumphant music, the fresh breeze and waving flags, the excited shouts of the eager crowd, whose dark features and foreign clothing looked entirely Eastern; the sight of the temple-topped rock, the white marble buildings sparkling in the sunlight against the dark peaks of the tall mountains beyond; the nearby roar of the sea, the splash of the oars, and the dash of spray completely overwhelmed me, sending my soul into a kind of delirium I had never felt in ordinary life. Trembling, I couldn’t keep looking through the telescope I had used to track the boat when the frigate’s boat first launched. We quickly drew near, and I could finally make out the number and shapes of those inside; its dark sides grew larger, and I could hear the splash of its oars. I recognized the limp figure of my friend as he half-raised himself as we approached.

Perdita’s questions had ceased; she leaned on my arm, panting with emotions too acute for tears—our men pulled alongside the other boat. As a last effort, my sister mustered her strength, her firmness; she stepped from one boat to the other, and then with a shriek she sprang towards Raymond, knelt at his side, and glueing her lips to the hand she seized, her face shrouded by her long hair, gave herself up to tears.

Perdita’s questions had stopped; she leaned on my arm, breathless from emotions too intense for tears—our men pulled up next to the other boat. In a final effort, my sister gathered her strength and determination; she stepped from one boat to the other, and then with a cry, she jumped toward Raymond, knelt beside him, and pressing her lips to the hand she grabbed, her face hidden by her long hair, broke down in tears.

Raymond had somewhat raised himself at our approach, but it was with difficulty that he exerted himself even thus much. With sunken cheek and hollow eyes, pale and gaunt, how could I recognize the beloved of Perdita? I continued awe-struck and mute—he looked smilingly on the poor girl; the smile was his. A day of sun-shine falling on a dark valley, displays its before hidden characteristics; and now this smile, the same with which he first spoke love to Perdita, with which he had welcomed the protectorate, playing on his altered countenance, made me in my heart’s core feel that this was Raymond.

Raymond had somewhat propped himself up as we approached, but it was a struggle for him just to do that. With sunken cheeks and hollow eyes, pale and thin, how could I recognize the beloved of Perdita? I stood there, astonished and speechless—he looked at the poor girl with a smile; it was his smile. A day of sunshine shining on a dark valley reveals its previously hidden features; and now this smile, the same one he used when he first expressed his love to Perdita, the one he had greeted the protectorate with, lighting up his changed face, made me deeply feel that this was Raymond.

He stretched out to me his other hand; I discerned the trace of manacles on his bared wrist. I heard my sister’s sobs, and thought, happy are women who can weep, and in a passionate caress disburthen the oppression of their feelings; shame and habitual restraint hold back a man. I would have given worlds to have acted as in days of boyhood, have strained him to my breast, pressed his hand to my lips, and wept over him; my swelling heart choked me; the natural current would not be checked; the big rebellious tears gathered in my eyes; I turned aside, and they dropped in the sea—they came fast and faster;—yet I could hardly be ashamed, for I saw that the rough sailors were not unmoved, and Raymond’s eyes alone were dry from among our crew. He lay in that blessed calm which convalescence always induces, enjoying in secure tranquillity his liberty and re-union with her whom he adored. Perdita at length subdued her burst of passion, and rose, —she looked round for Clara; the child frightened, not recognizing her father, and neglected by us, had crept to the other end of the boat; she came at her mother’s call. Perdita presented her to Raymond; her first words were: “Beloved, embrace our child!”

He reached out to me with his other hand; I noticed the marks of handcuffs on his bare wrist. I heard my sister sobbing and thought how fortunate women are who can cry and ease the burden of their emotions with a passionate embrace; shame and the habit of restraint hold men back. I would have given anything to act like I did in my boyhood, to pull him to my chest, press his hand to my lips, and weep over him; my heart was swelling and choking me; the natural flow of feelings couldn’t be held back; big, rebellious tears gathered in my eyes; I turned away, and they fell into the sea—coming faster and faster; yet I could hardly feel ashamed, since I saw that the rough sailors were not untouched by emotion, and only Raymond’s eyes among our crew remained dry. He lay there in the blessed calm that always comes with recovery, enjoying the peace of his freedom and the reunion with the one he loved. Eventually, Perdita composed herself and stood up—she looked around for Clara; the child, frightened and not recognizing her father, had crept to the other end of the boat, but came at her mother’s call. Perdita presented her to Raymond; her first words were: “Beloved, embrace our child!”

“Come hither, sweet one,” said her father, “do you not know me?” she knew his voice, and cast herself in his arms with half bashful but uncontrollable emotion.

“Come here, my sweet,” said her father, “don’t you recognize me?” She knew his voice and threw herself into his arms with a mix of shyness and overwhelming emotion.

Perceiving the weakness of Raymond, I was afraid of ill consequences from the pressure of the crowd on his landing. But they were awed as I had been, at the change of his appearance. The music died away, the shouts abruptly ended; the soldiers had cleared a space in which a carriage was drawn up. He was placed in it; Perdita and Clara entered with him, and his escort closed round it; a hollow murmur, akin to the roaring of the near waves, went through the multitude; they fell back as the carriage advanced, and fearful of injuring him they had come to welcome, by loud testimonies of joy, they satisfied themselves with bending in a low salaam as the carriage passed; it went slowly along the road of the Piraeus; passed by antique temple and heroic tomb, beneath the craggy rock of the citadel. The sound of the waves was left behind; that of the multitude continued at intervals, supressed and hoarse; and though, in the city, the houses, churches, and public buildings were decorated with tapestry and banners—though the soldiery lined the streets, and the inhabitants in thousands were assembled to give him hail, the same solemn silence prevailed, the soldiery presented arms, the banners vailed, many a white hand waved a streamer, and vainly sought to discern the hero in the vehicle, which, closed and encompassed by the city guards, drew him to the palace allotted for his abode.

Seeing Raymond's weakness, I was worried about the potential problems from the crowd as he landed. But they were just as stunned as I had been by how he looked. The music faded, and the cheers suddenly stopped; the soldiers had cleared a space for a carriage. He was helped into it; Perdita and Clara joined him, and his escort surrounded them. A low murmur, like the sound of the nearby waves, spread through the crowd; they stepped back as the carriage moved forward, and to avoid hurting the man they had come to celebrate with shouts of joy, they settled for bowing in a low salute as the carriage passed by. It moved slowly along the road of the Piraeus, passing ancient temples and heroic tombs, beneath the craggy rock of the citadel. The sound of the waves faded away; the noise of the crowd continued at intervals, muted and rough. Even though the city was decorated with tapestries and banners, the streets lined with soldiers, and thousands of residents gathered to cheer him, there remained a solemn silence. The soldiers stood at attention, the banners were lowered, many white hands waved streamers, and they searched in vain to catch a glimpse of the hero inside the carriage, which was closed off and surrounded by city guards as it made its way to the palace designated for his stay.

Raymond was weak and exhausted, yet the interest he perceived to be excited on his account, filled him with proud pleasure. He was nearly killed with kindness. It is true, the populace retained themselves; but there arose a perpetual hum and bustle from the throng round the palace, which added to the noise of fireworks, the frequent explosion of arms, the tramp to and fro of horsemen and carriages, to which effervescence he was the focus, retarded his recovery. So we retired awhile to Eleusis, and here rest and tender care added each day to the strength of our invalid. The zealous attention of Perdita claimed the first rank in the causes which induced his rapid recovery; but the second was surely the delight he felt in the affection and good will of the Greeks. We are said to love much those whom we greatly benefit. Raymond had fought and conquered for the Athenians; he had suffered, on their account, peril, imprisonment, and hardship; their gratitude affected him deeply, and he inly vowed to unite his fate for ever to that of a people so enthusiastically devoted to him.

Raymond was weak and exhausted, but the interest he sensed in his well-being filled him with a proud pleasure. He felt overwhelmed by kindness. It's true that the crowd held back, but there was a constant buzz and activity around the palace, which, combined with the noise of fireworks, the frequent sound of gunfire, and the movement of horsemen and carriages, all centered on him, slowed down his recovery. So, we took a break in Eleusis, and there, rest and care gradually helped restore his strength. The devoted attention from Perdita played a major role in his quick recovery, but the joy he felt from the affection and goodwill of the Greeks was also significant. It's said that we tend to love those we help a lot. Raymond had fought and won for the Athenians; he had endured danger, imprisonment, and hardships on their behalf; their gratitude deeply touched him, and he inwardly vowed to tie his fate to that of a people so passionately dedicated to him.

Social feeling and sympathy constituted a marked feature in my disposition. In early youth, the living drama acted around me, drew me heart and soul into its vortex. I was now conscious of a change. I loved, I hoped, I enjoyed; but there was something besides this. I was inquisitive as to the internal principles of action of those around me: anxious to read their thoughts justly, and for ever occupied in divining their inmost mind. All events, at the same time that they deeply interested me, arranged themselves in pictures before me. I gave the right place to every personage in the groupe, the just balance to every sentiment. This undercurrent of thought, often soothed me amidst distress, and even agony. It gave ideality to that, from which, taken in naked truth, the soul would have revolted: it bestowed pictorial colours on misery and disease, and not unfrequently relieved me from despair in deplorable changes. This faculty, or instinct, was now rouzed. I watched the re-awakened devotion of my sister; Clara’s timid, but concentrated admiration of her father, and Raymond’s appetite for renown, and sensitiveness to the demonstrations of affection of the Athenians. Attentively perusing this animated volume, I was the less surprised at the tale I read on the new-turned page.

Social feeling and sympathy were a significant part of my personality. In my youth, the drama happening around me pulled me in completely. Now, I felt a shift. I loved, I hoped, I enjoyed; but there was something more. I was curious about the inner motivations of those around me, eager to understand their thoughts clearly, and constantly trying to figure out their innermost feelings. All events, while they deeply interested me, also played out like scenes in my mind. I assigned the right role to each character in the group and gave proper weight to every sentiment. This underlying thought often comforted me in times of distress and even pain. It made harsh realities more bearable, giving life and color to suffering and illness, and often pulling me back from despair during terrible changes. This ability, or instinct, was now stirred. I observed my sister's renewed devotion, Clara’s shy yet focused admiration for her father, and Raymond’s craving for fame and sensitivity to the affection shown by the Athenians. As I carefully read this lively narrative, I was less surprised by the story I found on the next page.

The Turkish army were at this time besieging Rodosto; and the Greeks, hastening their preparations, and sending each day reinforcements, were on the eve of forcing the enemy to battle. Each people looked on the coming struggle as that which would be to a great degree decisive; as, in case of victory, the next step would be the siege of Constantinople by the Greeks. Raymond, being somewhat recovered, prepared to re-assume his command in the army.

The Turkish army was currently laying siege to Rodosto, and the Greeks, rushing to finalize their plans and sending reinforcements daily, were about to force the enemy into battle. Both sides viewed the upcoming conflict as potentially game-changing; if victorious, the next move for the Greeks would be to lay siege to Constantinople. Raymond, having somewhat recovered, was getting ready to take back his command in the army.

Perdita did not oppose herself to his determination. She only stipulated to be permitted to accompany him. She had set down no rule of conduct for herself; but for her life she could not have opposed his slightest wish, or do other than acquiesce cheerfully in all his projects. One word, in truth, had alarmed her more than battles or sieges, during which she trusted Raymond’s high command would exempt him from danger. That word, as yet it was not more to her, was PLAGUE. This enemy to the human race had begun early in June to raise its serpent-head on the shores of the Nile; parts of Asia, not usually subject to this evil, were infected. It was in Constantinople; but as each year that city experienced a like visitation, small attention was paid to those accounts which declared more people to have died there already, than usually made up the accustomed prey of the whole of the hotter months. However it might be, neither plague nor war could prevent Perdita from following her lord, or induce her to utter one objection to the plans which he proposed. To be near him, to be loved by him, to feel him again her own, was the limit of her desires. The object of her life was to do him pleasure: it had been so before, but with a difference. In past times, without thought or foresight she had made him happy, being so herself, and in any question of choice, consulted her own wishes, as being one with his. Now she sedulously put herself out of the question, sacrificing even her anxiety for his health and welfare to her resolve not to oppose any of his desires. Love of the Greek people, appetite for glory, and hatred of the barbarian government under which he had suffered even to the approach of death, stimulated him. He wished to repay the kindness of the Athenians, to keep alive the splendid associations connected with his name, and to eradicate from Europe a power which, while every other nation advanced in civilization, stood still, a monument of antique barbarism. Having effected the reunion of Raymond and Perdita, I was eager to return to England; but his earnest request, added to awakening curiosity, and an indefinable anxiety to behold the catastrophe, now apparently at hand, in the long drawn history of Grecian and Turkish warfare, induced me to consent to prolong until the autumn, the period of my residence in Greece.

Perdita didn’t challenge his decision. She just asked to be allowed to go with him. She hadn’t laid down any personal rules; for her life, she couldn’t resist even his smallest wish, or do anything but agree happily with all his plans. One word had truly scared her more than battles or sieges. During those, she trusted Raymond’s high rank would keep him safe. That word, still just a word to her, was PLAGUE. This enemy of humanity had begun to surface along the banks of the Nile in early June; parts of Asia, usually not affected by this evil, were now suffering. It was in Constantinople; but since that city experienced similar outbreaks every year, little attention was given to reports claiming that more people had died there already than typically perished during the hot months. Regardless, neither plague nor war could stop Perdita from following her beloved or make her voice any objections to his plans. Being near him, being loved by him, feeling that he was hers again, was all she wanted. Her purpose was to make him happy: it had always been so, but things had changed. In the past, without thinking or looking ahead, she had made him happy by being happy herself and followed her own wishes as if they were the same as his. Now, she deliberately left herself out of the equation, even putting aside her worries for his health and wellbeing to stick to her commitment not to challenge any of his desires. His love for the Greek people, his thirst for glory, and his hatred for the barbarian regime that had made him suffer even to the brink of death motivated him. He wanted to repay the Athenians for their kindness, preserve the glorious associations tied to his name, and remove from Europe a power that, while every other nation was advancing in civilization, stood still as a relic of ancient barbarism. After reuniting Raymond and Perdita, I was eager to return to England, but his heartfelt request, combined with rising curiosity and an indescribable urge to witness the impending end in the long saga of Greek and Turkish conflict, led me to agree to extend my stay in Greece until autumn.

As soon as the health of Raymond was sufficiently re-established, he prepared to join the Grecian camp, near Kishan, a town of some importance, situated to the east of the Hebrus; in which Perdita and Clara were to remain until the event of the expected battle. We quitted Athens on the 2nd of June. Raymond had recovered from the gaunt and pallid looks of fever. If I no longer saw the fresh glow of youth on his matured countenance, if care had besieged his brow,

As soon as Raymond's health was back to normal, he got ready to head to the Greek camp near Kishan, a fairly important town located east of the Hebrus, where Perdita and Clara would stay until the expected battle unfolded. We left Athens on June 2nd. Raymond had recovered from the gaunt, pale appearance caused by the fever. While I no longer saw the youthful glow on his mature face, and care had settled into his brow,

“And dug deep trenches in his beauty’s field,”[2]

“And dug deep trenches in his beauty’s field,”[2]

if his hair, slightly mingled with grey, and his look, considerate even in its eagerness, gave signs of added years and past sufferings, yet there was something irresistibly affecting in the sight of one, lately snatched from the grave, renewing his career, untamed by sickness or disaster. The Athenians saw in him, not as heretofore, the heroic boy or desperate man, who was ready to die for them; but the prudent commander, who for their sakes was careful of his life, and could make his own warrior-propensities second to the scheme of conduct policy might point out.

If his hair, slightly mixed with grey, and his look, thoughtful even in its eagerness, showed signs of added years and past struggles, there was still something incredibly moving about seeing someone who had recently escaped death, starting his journey anew, undaunted by illness or misfortune. The Athenians viewed him not, as before, as the heroic boy or desperate man willing to sacrifice himself for them; instead, they saw a wise commander who, for their benefit, was mindful of his life and could prioritize his own warrior instincts to follow whatever strategic guidance was suggested.

All Athens accompanied us for several miles. When he had landed a month ago, the noisy populace had been hushed by sorrow and fear; but this was a festival day to all. The air resounded with their shouts; their picturesque costume, and the gay colours of which it was composed, flaunted in the sunshine; their eager gestures and rapid utterance accorded with their wild appearance. Raymond was the theme of every tongue, the hope of each wife, mother or betrothed bride, whose husband, child, or lover, making a part of the Greek army, were to be conducted to victory by him.

All of Athens accompanied us for several miles. When he landed a month ago, the loud crowd had been silenced by grief and fear; but today was a festival for everyone. The air was filled with their cheers; their colorful costumes and bright hues stood out in the sunlight; their enthusiastic gestures and fast speech matched their lively appearance. Everyone was talking about Raymond, the hope of every wife, mother, or fiancée, whose husband, child, or lover, part of the Greek army, was to be led to victory by him.

Notwithstanding the hazardous object of our journey, it was full of romantic interest, as we passed through the vallies, and over the hills, of this divine country. Raymond was inspirited by the intense sensations of recovered health; he felt that in being general of the Athenians, he filled a post worthy of his ambition; and, in his hope of the conquest of Constantinople, he counted on an event which would be as a landmark in the waste of ages, an exploit unequalled in the annals of man; when a city of grand historic association, the beauty of whose site was the wonder of the world, which for many hundred years had been the strong hold of the Moslems, should be rescued from slavery and barbarism, and restored to a people illustrious for genius, civilization, and a spirit of liberty. Perdita rested on his restored society, on his love, his hopes and fame, even as a Sybarite on a luxurious couch; every thought was transport, each emotion bathed as it were in a congenial and balmy element.

Despite the dangerous nature of our journey, it was filled with romantic allure as we traveled through the valleys and over the hills of this beautiful country. Raymond was energized by the intense feelings that came with his regained health; he believed that as the general of the Athenians, he held a position worthy of his ambitions. In his hope for the conquest of Constantinople, he envisioned an event that would stand out through the ages, an achievement unmatched in human history. A city with grand historical significance, known for its breathtaking location, which had been a stronghold of the Muslims for many centuries, was to be freed from oppression and barbarity and restored to a people renowned for their genius, civilization, and love of freedom. Perdita leaned on his renewed society, his love, his hopes, and his fame, just as a Sybarite would lounge on a luxurious couch; every thought was ecstasy, each emotion enveloped in a comforting and soothing atmosphere.

We arrived at Kishan on the 7th of July. The weather during our journey had been serene. Each day, before dawn, we left our night’s encampment, and watched the shadows as they retreated from hill and valley, and the golden splendour of the sun’s approach. The accompanying soldiers received, with national vivacity, enthusiastic pleasure from the sight of beautiful nature. The uprising of the star of day was hailed by triumphant strains, while the birds, heard by snatches, filled up the intervals of the music. At noon, we pitched our tents in some shady valley, or embowering wood among the mountains, while a stream prattling over pebbles induced grateful sleep. Our evening march, more calm, was yet more delightful than the morning restlessness of spirit. If the band played, involuntarily they chose airs of moderated passion; the farewell of love, or lament at absence, was followed and closed by some solemn hymn, which harmonized with the tranquil loveliness of evening, and elevated the soul to grand and religious thought. Often all sounds were suspended, that we might listen to the nightingale, while the fire-flies danced in bright measure, and the soft cooing of the aziolo spoke of fair weather to the travellers. Did we pass a valley? Soft shades encompassed us, and rocks tinged with beauteous hues. If we traversed a mountain, Greece, a living map, was spread beneath, her renowned pinnacles cleaving the ether; her rivers threading in silver line the fertile land. Afraid almost to breathe, we English travellers surveyed with extasy this splendid landscape, so different from the sober hues and melancholy graces of our native scenery. When we quitted Macedonia, the fertile but low plains of Thrace afforded fewer beauties; yet our journey continued to be interesting. An advanced guard gave information of our approach, and the country people were quickly in motion to do honour to Lord Raymond. The villages were decorated by triumphal arches of greenery by day, and lamps by night; tapestry waved from the windows, the ground was strewed with flowers, and the name of Raymond, joined to that of Greece, was echoed in the Evive of the peasant crowd.

We arrived at Kishan on July 7th. The weather during our journey had been calm. Each day, before dawn, we left our campsite and watched as the shadows retreated from the hills and valleys, and the golden brightness of the sun approached. The soldiers accompanying us expressed their enthusiasm with lively excitement at the stunning nature around them. The rising sun was greeted with joyful music, while the occasional sound of birds added to the melody. At noon, we set up our tents in a shady valley or a cozy wooded area in the mountains, with a stream babbling over pebbles lulling us into a grateful sleep. Our evening march, though quieter, was even more enjoyable than the restless spirit of the morning. If the band played, they naturally chose softer tunes; the farewell of love or sorrow over absence was followed by a solemn hymn that fit perfectly with the serene beauty of the evening, lifting our spirits to grand and contemplative thoughts. Often, we paused, listening to the nightingale while fireflies danced in bright patterns, and the soft cooing of the aziolo signaled good weather for us travelers. Did we pass through a valley? Soft shades enveloped us, and rocks shimmered with beautiful colors. If we crossed a mountain, Greece, like a living map, spread out beneath us, her famous peaks piercing the sky and her rivers winding through the fertile land like silver threads. Almost afraid to breathe, we English travelers gazed in wonder at this magnificent landscape, so different from the muted colors and melancholic beauty of our homeland. When we left Macedonia, the fertile but flat plains of Thrace offered fewer sights to admire, yet our journey remained fascinating. An advance guard informed us of our approach, and the local people quickly rallied to honor Lord Raymond. The villages were adorned with triumphal arches made of greenery during the day and lit with lamps at night; tapestries billowed from the windows, flowers scattered on the ground, and the name of Raymond, alongside that of Greece, echoed in the cheers of the peasant crowd.

When we arrived at Kishan, we learnt, that on hearing of the advance of Lord Raymond and his detachment, the Turkish army had retreated from Rodosto; but meeting with a reinforcement, they had re-trod their steps. In the meantime, Argyropylo, the Greek commander-in-chief, had advanced, so as to be between the Turks and Rodosto; a battle, it was said, was inevitable. Perdita and her child were to remain at Kishan. Raymond asked me, if I would not continue with them. “Now by the fells of Cumberland,” I cried, “by all of the vagabond and poacher that appertains to me, I will stand at your side, draw my sword in the Greek cause, and be hailed as a victor along with you!”

When we got to Kishan, we learned that upon hearing about Lord Raymond and his detachment moving forward, the Turkish army had retreated from Rodosto. However, after receiving reinforcements, they marched back. Meanwhile, Argyropylo, the Greek commander-in-chief, had moved to position himself between the Turks and Rodosto; a battle, it was said, was unavoidable. Perdita and her child were set to stay in Kishan. Raymond asked me if I wouldn't stay with them. "By the hills of Cumberland," I exclaimed, "by all the rogue and poacher that belongs to me, I will stand by your side, draw my sword for the Greek cause, and be celebrated as a victor alongside you!"

All the plain, from Kishan to Rodosto, a distance of sixteen leagues, was alive with troops, or with the camp-followers, all in motion at the approach of a battle. The small garrisons were drawn from the various towns and fortresses, and went to swell the main army. We met baggage waggons, and many females of high and low rank returning to Fairy or Kishan, there to wait the issue of the expected day. When we arrived at Rodosto, we found that the field had been taken, and the scheme of the battle arranged. The sound of firing, early on the following morning, informed us that advanced posts of the armies were engaged. Regiment after regiment advanced, their colours flying and bands playing. They planted the cannon on the tumuli, sole elevations in this level country, and formed themselves into column and hollow square; while the pioneers threw up small mounds for their protection.

All the plain, from Kishan to Rodosto, a distance of sixteen leagues, was bustling with troops and camp-followers, all moving at the approach of a battle. The small garrisons were assembled from various towns and fortresses to join the main army. We encountered supply wagons and many women of both high and low rank returning to Fairy or Kishan to await the outcome of the anticipated day. When we reached Rodosto, we learned that the field had been secured and the battle plan set. The sound of gunfire early the next morning alerted us that the forward positions of the armies were engaged. Regiment after regiment advanced, their colors flying and bands playing. They positioned the cannons on the mounds, the only elevations in this flat terrain, and organized themselves into columns and hollow squares while the pioneers built small mounds for their protection.

These then were the preparations for a battle, nay, the battle itself; far different from any thing the imagination had pictured. We read of centre and wing in Greek and Roman history; we fancy a spot, plain as a table, and soldiers small as chessmen; and drawn forth, so that the most ignorant of the game can discover science and order in the disposition of the forces. When I came to the reality, and saw regiments file off to the left far out of sight, fields intervening between the battalions, but a few troops sufficiently near me to observe their motions, I gave up all idea of understanding, even of seeing a battle, but attaching myself to Raymond attended with intense interest to his actions. He shewed himself collected, gallant and imperial; his commands were prompt, his intuition of the events of the day to me miraculous. In the mean time the cannon roared; the music lifted up its enlivening voice at intervals; and we on the highest of the mounds I mentioned, too far off to observe the fallen sheaves which death gathered into his storehouse, beheld the regiments, now lost in smoke, now banners and staves peering above the cloud, while shout and clamour drowned every sound.

These were the preparations for a battle, or rather, the battle itself; it was completely different from anything I had imagined. We read about the center and wings in Greek and Roman history; we picture a flat area, as clear as a table, with soldiers as tiny as chess pieces; and we arrange them so that even someone who knows nothing about the game can see the strategy and order in the setup of the forces. When I experienced the reality and saw regiments moving off to the left, far out of sight, with fields separating the battalions, I realized I couldn't understand or even properly see a battle. Instead, I focused on Raymond, watching his actions with intense interest. He was composed, brave, and commanding; his orders were quick, and his understanding of the day’s events seemed miraculous to me. Meanwhile, the cannons boomed, the music occasionally lifted our spirits, and we stood on the tallest part of the mounds I mentioned, too far away to see the fallen victims that death was gathering, watching the regiments, now obscured by smoke, now banners and staffs peeking above the clouds, while shouts and chaos drowned out every other sound.

Early in the day, Argyropylo was wounded dangerously, and Raymond assumed the command of the whole army. He made few remarks, till, on observing through his glass the sequel of an order he had given, his face, clouded for awhile with doubt, became radiant. “The day is ours,” he cried, “the Turks fly from the bayonet.” And then swiftly he dispatched his aides-de-camp to command the horse to fall on the routed enemy. The defeat became total; the cannon ceased to roar; the infantry rallied, and horse pursued the flying Turks along the dreary plain; the staff of Raymond was dispersed in various directions, to make observations, and bear commands. Even I was dispatched to a distant part of the field.

Early in the day, Argyropylo was seriously injured, and Raymond took over command of the entire army. He didn’t say much at first, but when he looked through his glass and saw the results of an order he had issued, his face brightened from doubt to joy. “The day is ours!” he shouted. “The Turks are fleeing from the bayonet.” He quickly sent out his aides-de-camp to direct the cavalry to attack the routed enemy. The defeat was complete; the cannons fell silent; the infantry regrouped, and cavalry chased the fleeing Turks across the desolate plain. Raymond's staff scattered in different directions to gather information and deliver orders. Even I was sent off to a distant part of the battlefield.

The ground on which the battle was fought, was a level plain—so level, that from the tumuli you saw the waving line of mountains on the wide-stretched horizon; yet the intervening space was unvaried by the least irregularity, save such undulations as resembled the waves of the sea. The whole of this part of Thrace had been so long a scene of contest, that it had remained uncultivated, and presented a dreary, barren appearance. The order I had received, was to make an observation of the direction which a detachment of the enemy might have taken, from a northern tumulus; the whole Turkish army, followed by the Greek, had poured eastward; none but the dead remained in the direction of my side. From the top of the mound, I looked far round—all was silent and deserted.

The battlefield was a flat plain—so flat that from the burial mounds you could see the rolling line of mountains on the distant horizon; however, the space in between was entirely smooth, except for slight hills that looked like ocean waves. This entire area of Thrace had been the site of fighting for so long that it had stayed neglected and looked desolate and barren. I had been ordered to observe the direction a group of the enemy might have taken from a northern mound; the entire Turkish army, followed by the Greek forces, had moved eastward; only the dead remained on my side. From the top of the mound, I scanned the surroundings—everything was quiet and abandoned.

The last beams of the nearly sunken sun shot up from behind the far summit of Mount Athos; the sea of Marmora still glittered beneath its rays, while the Asiatic coast beyond was half hid in a haze of low cloud. Many a casque, and bayonet, and sword, fallen from unnerved arms, reflected the departing ray; they lay scattered far and near. From the east, a band of ravens, old inhabitants of the Turkish cemeteries, came sailing along towards their harvest; the sun disappeared. This hour, melancholy yet sweet, has always seemed to me the time when we are most naturally led to commune with higher powers; our mortal sternness departs, and gentle complacency invests the soul. But now, in the midst of the dying and the dead, how could a thought of heaven or a sensation of tranquillity possess one of the murderers? During the busy day, my mind had yielded itself a willing slave to the state of things presented to it by its fellow-beings; historical association, hatred of the foe, and military enthusiasm had held dominion over me. Now, I looked on the evening star, as softly and calmly it hung pendulous in the orange hues of sunset. I turned to the corse-strewn earth; and felt ashamed of my species. So perhaps were the placid skies; for they quickly veiled themselves in mist, and in this change assisted the swift disappearance of twilight usual in the south; heavy masses of cloud floated up from the south east, and red and turbid lightning shot from their dark edges; the rushing wind disturbed the garments of the dead, and was chilled as it passed over their icy forms. Darkness gathered round; the objects about me became indistinct, I descended from my station, and with difficulty guided my horse, so as to avoid the slain.

The last rays of the almost-set sun shot up from behind the distant peak of Mount Athos; the Sea of Marmara still sparkled in its light, while the Asian coast beyond was partially hidden in a haze of low clouds. Many helmets, bayonets, and swords, dropped from trembling hands, reflected the fading light; they lay scattered all around. From the east, a flock of ravens, long-time residents of the Turkish graveyards, glided in for their feast; the sun vanished. This time, both sad and sweet, has always felt to me like when we are most naturally inclined to connect with higher powers; our harshness fades away, and a gentle contentment fills the soul. But now, amid the dying and the dead, how could any of the killers think of heaven or feel calm? During the busy day, I had willingly accepted the realities presented to me by those around me; historical memories, hatred of the enemy, and military zeal had taken control of me. Now, I gazed at the evening star, hanging softly and serenely in the orange hues of sunset. I turned to the ground littered with bodies and felt ashamed of humanity. Maybe the peaceful skies felt the same way; they quickly shrouded themselves in mist, aiding the rapid disappearance of twilight common in the south; thick clouds rolled in from the southeast, and red, turbulent lightning flashed from their dark edges; the rushing wind disturbed the clothing of the dead and felt cold as it passed over their lifeless forms. Darkness closed in; the shapes around me grew blurred. I descended from my position and struggled to guide my horse, trying to avoid the fallen.

Suddenly I heard a piercing shriek; a form seemed to rise from the earth; it flew swiftly towards me, sinking to the ground again as it drew near. All this passed so suddenly, that I with difficulty reined in my horse, so that it should not trample on the prostrate being. The dress of this person was that of a soldier, but the bared neck and arms, and the continued shrieks discovered a female thus disguised. I dismounted to her aid, while she, with heavy groans, and her hand placed on her side, resisted my attempt to lead her on. In the hurry of the moment I forgot that I was in Greece, and in my native accents endeavoured to soothe the sufferer. With wild and terrific exclamations did the lost, dying Evadne (for it was she) recognize the language of her lover; pain and fever from her wound had deranged her intellects, while her piteous cries and feeble efforts to escape, penetrated me with compassion. In wild delirium she called upon the name of Raymond; she exclaimed that I was keeping him from her, while the Turks with fearful instruments of torture were about to take his life. Then again she sadly lamented her hard fate; that a woman, with a woman’s heart and sensibility, should be driven by hopeless love and vacant hopes to take up the trade of arms, and suffer beyond the endurance of man privation, labour, and pain—the while her dry, hot hand pressed mine, and her brow and lips burned with consuming fire.

Suddenly, I heard a piercing scream; a figure seemed to rise from the ground; it flew swiftly toward me, sinking back down as it got closer. Everything happened so quickly that I barely managed to stop my horse from trampling the fallen person. This individual was dressed like a soldier, but her bare neck and arms, along with her continued shrieks, revealed that she was a woman in disguise. I got off my horse to help her, but she groaned heavily and put her hand on her side, resisting my efforts to lead her away. In my panic, I forgot I was in Greece and, in my native language, tried to comfort her. With wild and horrific cries, the lost, dying Evadne (for it was she) recognized the voice of her lover; pain and fever from her wound had clouded her thoughts, and her pitiful cries and weak attempts to escape filled me with compassion. In her delirium, she called out for Raymond, claiming I was keeping him from her while the Turks were about to torture him to death. Then she mournfully lamented her cruel fate—that a woman, with a woman's heart and sensitivity, should be driven by hopeless love and empty dreams to take up arms and endure suffering beyond that of any man. Meanwhile, her dry, hot hand gripped mine, and her forehead and lips burned with fever.

As her strength grew less, I lifted her from the ground; her emaciated form hung over my arm, her sunken cheek rested on my breast; in a sepulchral voice she murmured:—“This is the end of love!—Yet not the end!”— and frenzy lent her strength as she cast her arm up to heaven: “there is the end! there we meet again. Many living deaths have I borne for thee, O Raymond, and now I expire, thy victim!—By my death I purchase thee— lo! the instruments of war, fire, the plague are my servitors. I dared, I conquered them all, till now! I have sold myself to death, with the sole condition that thou shouldst follow me—Fire, and war, and plague, unite for thy destruction—O my Raymond, there is no safety for thee!”

As her strength faded, I picked her up from the ground; her thin body hung over my arm, her sunken cheek resting against my chest. In a haunting voice, she whispered, “This is the end of love!—But not the end!”—and in a moment of desperation, she raised her arm to the sky: “There is the end! That’s where we will meet again. I have endured countless living deaths for you, O Raymond, and now I am dying, your victim!—With my death, I buy you—look! The instruments of war, fire, the plague are at my command. I dared, I conquered them all, until now! I have given myself to death, with the only condition that you would follow me—Fire, and war, and plague, unite for your destruction—O my Raymond, there is no safety for you!”

With an heavy heart I listened to the changes of her delirium; I made her a bed of cloaks; her violence decreased and a clammy dew stood on her brow as the paleness of death succeeded to the crimson of fever, I placed her on the cloaks. She continued to rave of her speedy meeting with her beloved in the grave, of his death nigh at hand; sometimes she solemnly declared that he was summoned; sometimes she bewailed his hard destiny. Her voice grew feebler, her speech interrupted; a few convulsive movements, and her muscles relaxed, the limbs fell, no more to be sustained, one deep sigh, and life was gone.

With a heavy heart, I listened to the changes in her delirium. I made her a bed of cloaks. Her violent episodes decreased, and a clammy sweat appeared on her forehead as the pallor of death replaced the flush of fever. I laid her on the cloaks. She kept raving about her quick reunion with her beloved in the grave, claiming his death was close at hand; at times, she solemnly declared that he had been called away; other times, she mourned his unfortunate fate. Her voice grew weaker, her speech was interrupted; after a few convulsive movements, her muscles relaxed, her limbs fell, unable to be supported, and with one deep sigh, life slipped away.

I bore her from the near neighbourhood of the dead; wrapt in cloaks, I placed her beneath a tree. Once more I looked on her altered face; the last time I saw her she was eighteen; beautiful as poet’s vision, splendid as a Sultana of the East—Twelve years had past; twelve years of change, sorrow and hardship; her brilliant complexion had become worn and dark, her limbs had lost the roundness of youth and womanhood; her eyes had sunk deep,

I carried her from the nearby cemetery; wrapped in cloaks, I laid her under a tree. Once again, I gazed at her changed face; the last time I saw her, she was eighteen, beautiful like a poet's dream, radiant like an Eastern Sultana—Twelve years had passed; twelve years of change, sorrow, and struggle; her once vibrant complexion had become dull and dark, her body had lost the curves of youth and femininity; her eyes had sunken deep,

        Crushed and o’erworn,
The hours had drained her blood, and filled her brow
With lines and wrinkles.

Crushed and worn out,
The hours had drained her energy, and marked her forehead
With lines and wrinkles.

With shuddering horror I veiled this monument of human passion and human misery; I heaped over her all of flags and heavy accoutrements I could find, to guard her from birds and beasts of prey, until I could bestow on her a fitting grave. Sadly and slowly I stemmed my course from among the heaps of slain, and, guided by the twinkling lights of the town, at length reached Rodosto.

With a shudder of horror, I covered this monument of human passion and suffering; I piled on all the flags and heavy gear I could find to protect her from birds and predators until I could give her a proper burial. Slowly and sadly, I made my way away from the piles of the dead, and, guided by the twinkling lights of the town, finally arrived in Rodosto.

[1] Lord Byron’s Fourth Canto of Childe Harolde.

[1] Lord Byron’s Fourth Canto of Childe Harold.

[2] Shakspeare’s Sonnets.

Shakespeare's Sonnets.

CHAPTER II.

On my arrival, I found that an order had already gone forth for the army to proceed immediately towards Constantinople; and the troops which had suffered least in the battle were already on their way. The town was full of tumult. The wound, and consequent inability of Argyropylo, caused Raymond to be the first in command. He rode through the town, visiting the wounded, and giving such orders as were necessary for the siege he meditated. Early in the morning the whole army was in motion. In the hurry I could hardly find an opportunity to bestow the last offices on Evadne. Attended only by my servant, I dug a deep grave for her at the foot of the tree, and without disturbing her warrior shroud, I placed her in it, heaping stones upon the grave. The dazzling sun and glare of daylight, deprived the scene of solemnity; from Evadne’s low tomb, I joined Raymond and his staff, now on their way to the Golden City.

When I arrived, I learned that an order had already been given for the army to head straight to Constantinople, and the troops that had been least affected by the battle were already en route. The town was chaotic. Due to Argyropylo's injury and inability to lead, Raymond became the top commander. He rode through the town, checking on the wounded and giving any necessary orders for the siege he was planning. By early morning, the entire army was on the move. In the rush, I barely found a moment to pay my last respects to Evadne. With only my servant by my side, I dug a deep grave for her at the base of the tree and, without disturbing her warrior shroud, laid her to rest, covering the grave with stones. The bright sun and harsh light took away the somber mood; after leaving Evadne’s simple tomb, I joined Raymond and his staff, who were now heading to the Golden City.

Constantinople was invested, trenches dug, and advances made. The whole Greek fleet blockaded it by sea; on land from the river Kyat Kbanah, near the Sweet Waters, to the Tower of Marmora, on the shores of the Propontis, along the whole line of the ancient walls, the trenches of the siege were drawn. We already possessed Pera; the Golden Horn itself, the city, bastioned by the sea, and the ivy-mantled walls of the Greek emperors was all of Europe that the Mahometans could call theirs. Our army looked on her as certain prey. They counted the garrison; it was impossible that it should be relieved; each sally was a victory; for, even when the Turks were triumphant, the loss of men they sustained was an irreparable injury. I rode one morning with Raymond to the lofty mound, not far from the Top Kapou, (Cannon-gate), on which Mahmoud planted his standard, and first saw the city. Still the same lofty domes and minarets towered above the verdurous walls, where Constantine had died, and the Turk had entered the city. The plain around was interspersed with cemeteries, Turk, Greek, and Armenian, with their growth of cypress trees; and other woods of more cheerful aspect, diversified the scene. Among them the Greek army was encamped, and their squadrons moved to and fro—now in regular march, now in swift career.

Constantinople was under siege, trenches were dug, and advances were made. The entire Greek fleet blockaded it by sea, while on land, the trenches of the siege stretched from the river Kyat Kbanah, near the Sweet Waters, to the Tower of Marmora, along the entire length of the ancient walls. We already controlled Pera; the Golden Horn itself, the city, fortified by the sea, and the ivy-covered walls of the Greek emperors was all of Europe that the Muslims could claim as theirs. Our army saw it as certain prey. They counted the garrison; it was impossible for them to be relieved; every attack was considered a victory; for even when the Turks were successful, the losses they suffered were a severe blow. One morning, I rode with Raymond to the high mound not far from the Top Kapou (Cannon-gate), where Mahmoud raised his standard, and I first saw the city. Still, the same tall domes and minarets rose above the green walls, where Constantine had died, and where the Turks had entered the city. The surrounding plain was dotted with cemeteries—Turk, Greek, and Armenian—filled with cypress trees, and other more cheerful woods added variety to the landscape. Among them, the Greek army camped, with their regiments moving back and forth—sometimes in orderly formation, sometimes in a swift advance.

Raymond’s eyes were fixed on the city. “I have counted the hours of her life,” said he; “one month, and she falls. Remain with me till then; wait till you see the cross on St. Sophia; and then return to your peaceful glades.”

Raymond's eyes were glued to the city. “I've counted the hours of her life,” he said; “in one month, she will fall. Stay with me until then; wait until you see the cross on St. Sophia; and then go back to your peaceful glades.”

“You then,” I asked, “still remain in Greece?”

“You still in Greece then?” I asked.

“Assuredly,” replied Raymond. “Yet Lionel, when I say this, believe me I look back with regret to our tranquil life at Windsor. I am but half a soldier; I love the renown, but not the trade of war. Before the battle of Rodosto I was full of hope and spirit; to conquer there, and afterwards to take Constantinople, was the hope, the bourne, the fulfilment of my ambition. This enthusiasm is now spent, I know not why; I seem to myself to be entering a darksome gulph; the ardent spirit of the army is irksome to me, the rapture of triumph null.”

“Definitely,” replied Raymond. “But Lionel, when I say this, trust me that I look back with regret on our peaceful life at Windsor. I’m only half a soldier; I crave the glory, but not the business of war. Before the battle of Rodosto, I was filled with hope and energy; to win there and then take Constantinople was the hope, the destination, the fulfillment of my ambition. This excitement has now faded, and I don’t know why; I feel like I’m entering a dark abyss; the passionate spirit of the army feels burdensome to me, and the joy of victory feels empty.”

He paused, and was lost in thought. His serious mien recalled, by some association, the half-forgotten Evadne to my mind, and I seized this opportunity to make enquiries from him concerning her strange lot. I asked him, if he had ever seen among the troops any one resembling her; if since he had returned to Greece he had heard of her?

He paused and got lost in thought. His serious expression reminded me, for some reason, of the somewhat forgotten Evadne, and I took this chance to ask him about her unusual situation. I asked him if he had ever seen anyone among the troops who looked like her and if he had heard anything about her since returning to Greece.

He started at her name,—he looked uneasily on me. “Even so,” he cried, “I knew you would speak of her. Long, long I had forgotten her. Since our encampment here, she daily, hourly visits my thoughts. When I am addressed, her name is the sound I expect: in every communication, I imagine that she will form a part. At length you have broken the spell; tell me what you know of her.”

He flinched at her name and glanced at me nervously. “Even so,” he exclaimed, “I knew you would bring her up. I had completely forgotten about her for a long time. Ever since we set up camp here, she’s been on my mind every day, every hour. Whenever someone talks to me, I expect to hear her name; in every conversation, I picture her being involved. Finally, you’ve shattered the silence; tell me what you know about her.”

I related my meeting with her; the story of her death was told and re-told. With painful earnestness he questioned me concerning her prophecies with regard to him. I treated them as the ravings of a maniac. “No, no,” he said, “do not deceive yourself,—me you cannot. She has said nothing but what I knew before—though this is confirmation. Fire, the sword, and plague! They may all be found in yonder city; on my head alone may they fall!”

I shared my meeting with her; her death was recounted over and over. With intense seriousness, he grilled me about her predictions about him. I dismissed them as the babbling of a madman. “No, no,” he said, “don’t fool yourself—you can’t fool me. She hasn’t said anything I didn’t already know—though this is proof. Fire, the sword, and plague! They can all be found in that city; they will all come down on me alone!”

From this day Raymond’s melancholy increased. He secluded himself as much as the duties of his station permitted. When in company, sadness would in spite of every effort steal over his features, and he sat absent and mute among the busy crowd that thronged about him. Perdita rejoined him, and before her he forced himself to appear cheerful, for she, even as a mirror, changed as he changed, and if he were silent and anxious, she solicitously inquired concerning, and endeavoured to remove the cause of his seriousness. She resided at the palace of Sweet Waters, a summer seraglio of the Sultan; the beauty of the surrounding scenery, undefiled by war, and the freshness of the river, made this spot doubly delightful. Raymond felt no relief, received no pleasure from any show of heaven or earth. He often left Perdita, to wander in the grounds alone; or in a light shallop he floated idly on the pure waters, musing deeply. Sometimes I joined him; at such times his countenance was invariably solemn, his air dejected. He seemed relieved on seeing me, and would talk with some degree of interest on the affairs of the day. There was evidently something behind all this; yet, when he appeared about to speak of that which was nearest his heart, he would abruptly turn away, and with a sigh endeavour to deliver the painful idea to the winds.

From that day on, Raymond’s sadness only got worse. He isolated himself as much as his responsibilities allowed. Even when he was with others, his sadness would creep into his expressions no matter how hard he tried to hide it, and he sat quietly and disconnected among the busy crowd around him. Perdita came back to him, and in front of her, he forced himself to seem happy because she mirrored his mood—if he was quiet and worried, she would ask what was wrong and try to help him lighten his mood. She lived at the palace of Sweet Waters, a summer retreat for the Sultan; the beautiful scenery, untouched by war, and the fresh river made this place even more enchanting. But Raymond felt no relief or joy from anything around him. He often left Perdita to wander the grounds by himself or drifted aimlessly in a small boat on the clear waters, lost in thought. Sometimes I joined him; during those times, his face was always serious, and he seemed downcast. He looked relieved when he saw me and would talk with some interest about current events. But clearly, something was bothering him—whenever he looked like he was about to share what was really troubling him, he would suddenly look away and sigh, trying to let the painful thought slip away.

It had often occurred, that, when, as I said, Raymond quitted Perdita’s drawing-room, Clara came up to me, and gently drawing me aside, said, “Papa is gone; shall we go to him? I dare say he will be glad to see you.” And, as accident permitted, I complied with or refused her request. One evening a numerous assembly of Greek chieftains were gathered together in the palace. The intriguing Palli, the accomplished Karazza, the warlike Ypsilanti, were among the principal. They talked of the events of the day; the skirmish at noon; the diminished numbers of the Infidels; their defeat and flight: they contemplated, after a short interval of time, the capture of the Golden City. They endeavoured to picture forth what would then happen, and spoke in lofty terms of the prosperity of Greece, when Constantinople should become its capital. The conversation then reverted to Asiatic intelligence, and the ravages the plague made in its chief cities; conjectures were hazarded as to the progress that disease might have made in the besieged city.

It often happened that when Raymond left Perdita’s drawing room, Clara would come over, gently pull me aside, and say, “Dad is gone; should we go see him? I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.” Depending on the circumstances, I would either agree to or decline her request. One evening, a large group of Greek leaders gathered in the palace. The scheming Palli, the skilled Karazza, and the warrior Ypsilanti were among the main figures present. They discussed the day’s events: the skirmish at noon, the reduced numbers of the enemy, their defeat and retreat; they considered that soon they might capture the Golden City. They tried to imagine what would happen next and spoke excitedly about Greece’s future when Constantinople would be its capital. The conversation then shifted to news from Asia, particularly the destruction the plague was causing in its major cities, and they speculated about how much the disease might have spread in the besieged city.

Raymond had joined in the former part of the discussion. In lively terms he demonstrated the extremities to which Constantinople was reduced; the wasted and haggard, though ferocious appearance of the troops; famine and pestilence was at work for them, he observed, and the infidels would soon be obliged to take refuge in their only hope—submission. Suddenly in the midst of his harangue he broke off, as if stung by some painful thought; he rose uneasily, and I perceived him at length quit the hall, and through the long corridor seek the open air. He did not return; and soon Clara crept round to me, making the accustomed invitation. I consented to her request, and taking her little hand, followed Raymond. We found him just about to embark in his boat, and he readily agreed to receive us as companions. After the heats of the day, the cooling land-breeze ruffled the river, and filled our little sail. The city looked dark to the south, while numerous lights along the near shores, and the beautiful aspect of the banks reposing in placid night, the waters keenly reflecting the heavenly lights, gave to this beauteous river a dower of loveliness that might have characterized a retreat in Paradise. Our single boatman attended to the sail; Raymond steered; Clara sat at his feet, clasping his knees with her arms, and laying her head on them. Raymond began the conversation somewhat abruptly.

Raymond had participated in the earlier part of the discussion. He vividly described the dire situation in Constantinople; the troops appeared worn out and gaunt, yet fierce. He noted that famine and disease were affecting them, and that the enemies would soon have no choice but to rely on their only hope—submission. Suddenly, in the middle of his speech, he paused as if struck by a painful thought; he stood up restlessly, and I saw him eventually leave the hall, heading through the long corridor to get some fresh air. He didn’t come back; soon, Clara came over to me, making her usual invitation. I agreed to her request, and taking her small hand, I followed Raymond. We found him just about to get into his boat, and he gladly accepted us as companions. After the heat of the day, the refreshing land breeze stirred the river and filled our little sail. The city looked dark to the south, while numerous lights along the nearby shores and the beautiful scenery of the banks resting in the calm night, with the waters reflecting the heavenly lights, gave this lovely river a charm that could have belonged to a retreat in Paradise. Our single boatman managed the sail; Raymond steered; Clara sat at his feet, wrapping her arms around his knees and resting her head on them. Raymond started the conversation somewhat abruptly.

“This, my friend, is probably the last time we shall have an opportunity of conversing freely; my plans are now in full operation, and my time will become more and more occupied. Besides, I wish at once to tell you my wishes and expectations, and then never again to revert to so painful a subject. First, I must thank you, Lionel, for having remained here at my request. Vanity first prompted me to ask you: vanity, I call it; yet even in this I see the hand of fate—your presence will soon be necessary; you will become the last resource of Perdita, her protector and consoler. You will take her back to Windsor.”—

“This, my friend, is probably the last time we'll have a chance to talk openly; my plans are now in full swing, and I'll be busier than ever. Besides, I want to share my wishes and expectations with you, and then never bring up such a painful topic again. First, I have to thank you, Lionel, for staying here at my request. It was vanity that made me ask you to stay; I call it vanity; yet even in this, I see fate at work—your presence will soon be essential; you'll become Perdita’s last hope, her protector, and comforter. You will take her back to Windsor.”

“Not without you,” I said. “You do not mean to separate again?”

“Not without you,” I said. “You’re not planning to leave again, are you?”

“Do not deceive yourself,” replied Raymond, “the separation at hand is one over which I have no control; most near at hand is it; the days are already counted. May I trust you? For many days I have longed to disclose the mysterious presentiments that weigh on me, although I fear that you will ridicule them. Yet do not, my gentle friend; for, all childish and unwise as they are, they have become a part of me, and I dare not expect to shake them off.

“Don’t fool yourself,” Raymond replied. “The separation we’re facing is out of my control; it’s very close now, and the days are already numbered. Can I trust you? For many days, I’ve wanted to share the strange feelings that burden me, even though I’m afraid you’ll laugh at them. But please don’t, my dear friend; because, as childish and foolish as they are, they’ve become a part of me, and I can’t expect to get rid of them.”

“Yet how can I expect you to sympathize with me? You are of this world; I am not. You hold forth your hand; it is even as a part of yourself; and you do not yet divide the feeling of identity from the mortal form that shapes forth Lionel. How then can you understand me? Earth is to me a tomb, the firmament a vault, shrouding mere corruption. Time is no more, for I have stepped within the threshold of eternity; each man I meet appears a corse, which will soon be deserted of its animating spark, on the eve of decay and corruption.

“Yet how can I expect you to understand me? You belong to this world; I do not. You reach out your hand; it’s a part of who you are; and you still don’t separate the feeling of identity from the physical body that shapes Lionel. So how can you really get me? To me, Earth is a grave, the sky a cover, hiding nothing but decay. Time has ceased to exist for me, as I have crossed into eternity; every person I meet looks like a corpse, which will soon lose its life force, just before decay and deterioration take over.”

Cada piedra un piramide levanta,
y cada flor costruye un monumento,
cada edificio es un sepulcro altivo,
cada soldado un esqueleto vivo.”[3]

Cada piedra levanta una pirámide,
y cada flor construye un monumento,
cada edificio es un sepulcro imponente,
cada soldado es un esqueleto vivo.”[3]

His accent was mournful,—he sighed deeply. “A few months ago,” he continued, “I was thought to be dying; but life was strong within me. My affections were human; hope and love were the day-stars of my life. Now— they dream that the brows of the conqueror of the infidel faith are about to be encircled by triumphant laurel; they talk of honourable reward, of title, power, and wealth—all I ask of Greece is a grave. Let them raise a mound above my lifeless body, which may stand even when the dome of St. Sophia has fallen.

His accent was sad, and he sighed deeply. “A few months ago,” he continued, “people thought I was dying; but life was still strong in me. My feelings were human; hope and love were the guiding stars of my life. Now—they believe that the forehead of the conqueror of the infidel faith is about to be adorned with triumphant laurel; they talk about honorable rewards, titles, power, and wealth—all I ask of Greece is a grave. Let them build a mound over my lifeless body that will still stand even when the dome of St. Sophia has fallen.”

“Wherefore do I feel thus? At Rodosto I was full of hope; but when first I saw Constantinople, that feeling, with every other joyful one, departed. The last words of Evadne were the seal upon the warrant of my death. Yet I do not pretend to account for my mood by any particular event. All I can say is, that it is so. The plague I am told is in Constantinople, perhaps I have imbibed its effluvia—perhaps disease is the real cause of my prognostications. It matters little why or wherefore I am affected, no power can avert the stroke, and the shadow of Fate’s uplifted hand already darkens me.

“Why do I feel this way? In Rodosto, I was full of hope; but the moment I laid eyes on Constantinople, that feeling, along with all my other joyful emotions, vanished. The last words of Evadne felt like a final seal on my impending doom. Still, I can’t attribute my mood to any specific event. All I know is that it is this way. I’ve been told the plague is in Constantinople; maybe I’ve inhaled its fumes—perhaps illness is the true reason for my dark thoughts. It doesn’t really matter why or how I’m affected; no power can prevent what’s coming, and the shadow of Fate’s raised hand is already closing in on me.

“To you, Lionel, I entrust your sister and her child. Never mention to her the fatal name of Evadne. She would doubly sorrow over the strange link that enchains me to her, making my spirit obey her dying voice, following her, as it is about to do, to the unknown country.”

“To you, Lionel, I entrust your sister and her child. Never mention to her the tragic name of Evadne. She would feel even more sorrow over the strange connection that binds me to her, forcing my spirit to heed her dying voice, following her, as it is about to do, to the unknown place.”

I listened to him with wonder; but that his sad demeanour and solemn utterance assured me of the truth and intensity of his feelings, I should with light derision have attempted to dissipate his fears. Whatever I was about to reply, was interrupted by the powerful emotions of Clara. Raymond had spoken, thoughtless of her presence, and she, poor child, heard with terror and faith the prophecy of his death. Her father was moved by her violent grief; he took her in his arms and soothed her, but his very soothings were solemn and fearful. “Weep not, sweet child,” said he, “the coming death of one you have hardly known. I may die, but in death I can never forget or desert my own Clara. In after sorrow or joy, believe that you father’s spirit is near, to save or sympathize with you. Be proud of me, and cherish your infant remembrance of me. Thus, sweetest, I shall not appear to die. One thing you must promise,—not to speak to any one but your uncle, of the conversation you have just overheard. When I am gone, you will console your mother, and tell her that death was only bitter because it divided me from her; that my last thoughts will be spent on her. But while I live, promise not to betray me; promise, my child.”

I listened to him with amazement; if it weren't for his sad demeanor and serious tone assuring me of the truth and depth of his feelings, I would have lightly mocked his fears. Whatever I was about to say was interrupted by Clara's intense emotions. Raymond had spoken without considering her presence, and she, poor girl, listened with both terror and faith to the prediction of his death. Her father was touched by her deep sorrow; he picked her up and comforted her, but even his comforting words were solemn and scary. “Don’t cry, sweet child,” he said, “over the impending death of someone you hardly know. I may die, but in death, I will never forget or abandon you, Clara. In future sorrow or joy, know that your father’s spirit is near to support or empathize with you. Be proud of me and hold onto your memories of me as a child. This way, it will feel like I’m not truly gone. One thing you must promise me—don’t talk to anyone but your uncle about the conversation you just overheard. When I’m gone, you’ll comfort your mother and tell her that death is only painful because it takes me from her; that my last thoughts will be of her. But while I’m alive, promise not to betray me; promise, my child.”

With faltering accents Clara promised, while she still clung to her father in a transport of sorrow. Soon we returned to shore, and I endeavoured to obviate the impression made on the child’s mind, by treating Raymond’s fears lightly. We heard no more of them; for, as he had said, the siege, now drawing to a conclusion, became paramount in interest, engaging all his time and attention.

With shaky voices, Clara promised as she held onto her father, overwhelmed with grief. Soon we got back to shore, and I tried to lighten the mood for the child by brushing off Raymond’s fears. We didn’t hear anything more about them; as he had mentioned, the siege, now coming to an end, took precedence in interest, consuming all of his time and focus.

The empire of the Mahometans in Europe was at its close. The Greek fleet blockading every port of Stamboul, prevented the arrival of succour from Asia; all egress on the side towards land had become impracticable, except to such desperate sallies, as reduced the numbers of the enemy without making any impression on our lines. The garrison was now so much diminished, that it was evident that the city could easily have been carried by storm; but both humanity and policy dictated a slower mode of proceeding. We could hardly doubt that, if pursued to the utmost, its palaces, its temples and store of wealth would be destroyed in the fury of contending triumph and defeat. Already the defenceless citizens had suffered through the barbarity of the Janisaries; and, in time of storm, tumult and massacre, beauty, infancy and decrepitude, would have alike been sacrificed to the brutal ferocity of the soldiers. Famine and blockade were certain means of conquest; and on these we founded our hopes of victory.

The Muslim empire in Europe was nearing its end. The Greek fleet was blocking every port in Istanbul, stopping any reinforcements from reaching them from Asia; land routes had become impossible, except for desperate attempts that reduced the enemy's numbers without really impacting our lines. The garrison had shrunk so much that it was clear the city could easily be taken by force, but both compassion and strategy suggested a more careful approach. We could hardly doubt that if we pressed too hard, its palaces, temples, and wealth would be destroyed in the chaos of victory and defeat. The unprotected citizens were already suffering because of the brutality of the Janissaries; and in times of storm, chaos, and slaughter, beauty, youth, and old age would all fall victim to the soldiers' savage aggression. Starvation and siege were sure paths to conquest, and we relied on these tactics for our hopes of victory.

Each day the soldiers of the garrison assaulted our advanced posts, and impeded the accomplishment of our works. Fire-boats were launched from the various ports, while our troops sometimes recoiled from the devoted courage of men who did not seek to live, but to sell their lives dearly. These contests were aggravated by the season: they took place during summer, when the southern Asiatic wind came laden with intolerable heat, when the streams were dried up in their shallow beds, and the vast basin of the sea appeared to glow under the unmitigated rays of the solsticial sun. Nor did night refresh the earth. Dew was denied; herbage and flowers there were none; the very trees drooped; and summer assumed the blighted appearance of winter, as it went forth in silence and flame to abridge the means of sustenance to man. In vain did the eye strive to find the wreck of some northern cloud in the stainless empyrean, which might bring hope of change and moisture to the oppressive and windless atmosphere. All was serene, burning, annihilating. We the besiegers were in the comparison little affected by these evils. The woods around afforded us shade,—the river secured to us a constant supply of water; nay, detachments were employed in furnishing the army with ice, which had been laid up on Haemus, and Athos, and the mountains of Macedonia, while cooling fruits and wholesome food renovated the strength of the labourers, and made us bear with less impatience the weight of the unrefreshing air. But in the city things wore a different face. The sun’s rays were refracted from the pavement and buildings—the stoppage of the public fountains—the bad quality of the food, and scarcity even of that, produced a state of suffering, which was aggravated by the scourge of disease; while the garrison arrogated every superfluity to themselves, adding by waste and riot to the necessary evils of the time. Still they would not capitulate.

Every day, the soldiers in the garrison attacked our forward positions and disrupted our efforts. Fireboats were launched from various ports, and sometimes our troops were thrown back by the fearless bravery of men who weren’t trying to survive but to make their lives count. These battles were made worse by the season: they happened in the summer when the hot winds from the south brought unbearable heat, the streams dried up in their shallow beds, and the vast sea looked like it was glowing under the harsh rays of the summer sun. Night didn’t bring any relief either. There was no dew; no grass or flowers; even the trees were wilting; summer took on the distressed look of winter as it went forth in silence and flames, reducing the food available for people. The eye searched in vain for the remnants of some northern cloud in the clear sky that might bring hope for change and moisture to the stifling, windless air. Everything was calm, burning, and annihilating. We, the besiegers, were less affected by these troubles. The surrounding woods gave us shade, and the river provided us with a constant supply of water; even teams were sent out to bring ice that had been stored on Haemus, Athos, and the mountains of Macedonia, while refreshing fruits and healthy food restored the strength of the workers and helped us endure the heavy heat with less impatience. But in the city, things were quite different. The sun’s rays bounced off the pavement and buildings—the public fountains were shut off—the poor quality and scarcity of food created a state of suffering, worsened by disease; and the garrison took all the luxuries for themselves, adding waste and excess to the already pressing problems of the time. Still, they refused to surrender.

Suddenly the system of warfare was changed. We experienced no more assaults; and by night and day we continued our labours unimpeded. Stranger still, when the troops advanced near the city, the walls were vacant, and no cannon was pointed against the intruders. When these circumstances were reported to Raymond, he caused minute observations to be made as to what was doing within the walls, and when his scouts returned, reporting only the continued silence and desolation of the city, he commanded the army to be drawn out before the gates. No one appeared on the walls; the very portals, though locked and barred, seemed unguarded; above, the many domes and glittering crescents pierced heaven; while the old walls, survivors of ages, with ivy-crowned tower and weed-tangled buttress, stood as rocks in an uninhabited waste. From within the city neither shout nor cry, nor aught except the casual howling of a dog, broke the noon-day stillness. Even our soldiers were awed to silence; the music paused; the clang of arms was hushed. Each man asked his fellow in whispers, the meaning of this sudden peace; while Raymond from an height endeavoured, by means of glasses, to discover and observe the stratagem of the enemy. No form could be discerned on the terraces of the houses; in the higher parts of the town no moving shadow bespoke the presence of any living being: the very trees waved not, and mocked the stability of architecture with like immovability.

Suddenly, the way we fought changed. We faced no more attacks; day and night we continued our work without interruption. Even stranger, when the troops moved closer to the city, the walls were empty, and no cannons were aimed at the invaders. When Raymond heard about this, he ordered careful observations of what was happening inside the walls. When his scouts came back, reporting only silence and emptiness in the city, he commanded the army to form up in front of the gates. No one showed on the walls; the gates, though locked and barred, seemed unprotected; above, the numerous domes and gleaming crescents reached towards the sky, while the ancient walls, remnants of centuries gone by, with ivy-covered towers and weed-choked buttresses, stood like rocks in an abandoned wasteland. From inside the city, there were no shouts or cries, only the occasional howling of a dog broke the midday stillness. Even our soldiers were struck into silence; the music stopped; the clanging of weapons faded. Each man whispered to his companion, questioning the meaning of this sudden calm, while Raymond, from a vantage point, tried to use his glasses to find out the enemy's plan. No figures could be seen on the rooftops; in the higher parts of the town, there were no moving shadows to indicate any living presence: even the trees remained still, mocking the solidity of the buildings with their own unyielding stance.

The tramp of horses, distinctly heard in the silence, was at length discerned. It was a troop sent by Karazza, the Admiral; they bore dispatches to the Lord General. The contents of these papers were important. The night before, the watch, on board one of the smaller vessels anchored near the seraglio wall, was roused by a slight splashing as of muffled oars; the alarm was given: twelve small boats, each containing three Janizaries, were descried endeavouring to make their way through the fleet to the opposite shore of Scutari. When they found themselves discovered they discharged their muskets, and some came to the front to cover the others, whose crews, exerting all their strength, endeavoured to escape with their light barks from among the dark hulls that environed them. They were in the end all sunk, and, with the exception of two or three prisoners, the crews drowned. Little could be got from the survivors; but their cautious answers caused it to be surmised that several expeditions had preceded this last, and that several Turks of rank and importance had been conveyed to Asia. The men disdainfully repelled the idea of having deserted the defence of their city; and one, the youngest among them, in answer to the taunt of a sailor, exclaimed, “Take it, Christian dogs! take the palaces, the gardens, the mosques, the abode of our fathers—take plague with them; pestilence is the enemy we fly; if she be your friend, hug her to your bosoms. The curse of Allah is on Stamboul, share ye her fate.”

The sound of horses' hooves, clearly heard in the stillness, was finally noticed. It was a group sent by Karazza, the Admiral, carrying messages to the Lord General. The information in these papers was crucial. The night before, the watch on one of the smaller ships anchored near the palace wall was awakened by a faint splashing sound, like muffled oars; the alarm was raised: twelve small boats, each carrying three Janizaries, were spotted trying to make their way through the fleet to the opposite shore of Scutari. Once they realized they had been seen, they fired their muskets, and some moved to the front to protect the others, whose crews were desperately trying to escape with their small vessels from among the dark hulls surrounding them. In the end, all were sunk, and aside from two or three captured, the crews drowned. Little information could be gathered from the survivors, but their cautious replies suggested that several missions had taken place before this one, and that several high-ranking Turks had been transported to Asia. The men scornfully rejected the notion of having abandoned their city's defense; one, the youngest among them, responded to a sailor's insult, “Take it, Christian dogs! Take the palaces, the gardens, the mosques, the homes of our ancestors—take the plague with them; pestilence is the enemy we flee; if she is your friend, hold her close. The curse of Allah is on Stamboul, may you share her fate.”

Such was the account sent by Karazza to Raymond: but a tale full of monstrous exaggerations, though founded on this, was spread by the accompanying troop among our soldiers. A murmur arose, the city was the prey of pestilence; already had a mighty power subjugated the inhabitants; Death had become lord of Constantinople.

Such was the report sent by Karazza to Raymond: but a story full of wild exaggerations, although based on this, was spread by the accompanying group among our soldiers. A rumor spread, the city was suffering from a plague; a powerful force had already conquered the inhabitants; Death had taken control of Constantinople.

I have heard a picture described, wherein all the inhabitants of earth were drawn out in fear to stand the encounter of Death. The feeble and decrepid fled; the warriors retreated, though they threatened even in flight. Wolves and lions, and various monsters of the desert roared against him; while the grim Unreality hovered shaking his spectral dart, a solitary but invincible assailant. Even so was it with the army of Greece. I am convinced, that had the myriad troops of Asia come from over the Propontis, and stood defenders of the Golden City, each and every Greek would have marched against the overwhelming numbers, and have devoted himself with patriotic fury for his country. But here no hedge of bayonets opposed itself, no death-dealing artillery, no formidable array of brave soldiers—the unguarded walls afforded easy entrance—the vacant palaces luxurious dwellings; but above the dome of St. Sophia the superstitious Greek saw Pestilence, and shrunk in trepidation from her influence.

I’ve heard a description of a scene where all the people on earth came out in fear to face Death. The weak and frail ran away; the warriors backed off, even though they continued to threaten as they fled. Wolves, lions, and various monsters of the desert roared at him, while the grim Unreality loomed, shaking his ghostly dart, a lone but unbeatable attacker. It was the same with the army of Greece. I’m convinced that if the countless troops of Asia had come across the Propontis and defended the Golden City, every Greek would have marched against those overwhelming numbers, ready to fight with patriotic passion for his country. But here, there was no barrier of bayonets, no deadly artillery, no impressive line of brave soldiers—the unguarded walls offered easy access—the empty palaces were luxurious homes; but above the dome of St. Sophia, the superstitious Greek saw Pestilence and recoiled in fear from her influence.

Raymond was actuated by far other feelings. He descended the hill with a face beaming with triumph, and pointing with his sword to the gates, commanded his troops to—down with those barricades—the only obstacles now to completest victory. The soldiers answered his cheerful words with aghast and awe-struck looks; instinctively they drew back, and Raymond rode in the front of the lines:—“By my sword I swear,” he cried, “that no ambush or stratagem endangers you. The enemy is already vanquished; the pleasant places, the noble dwellings and spoil of the city are already yours; force the gate; enter and possess the seats of your ancestors, your own inheritance!”

Raymond was driven by very different emotions. He came down the hill with a triumphant smile and, pointing with his sword at the gates, commanded his troops to take down those barricades—the last obstacles to complete victory. The soldiers responded to his cheerful words with shocked and awed expressions; they instinctively stepped back, and Raymond rode at the front of the lines: “I swear by my sword,” he shouted, “that no ambush or trick will threaten you. The enemy is already defeated; the beautiful places, the noble homes, and the riches of the city are already yours; break down the gate; go in and claim the lands of your ancestors, your rightful inheritance!”

An universal shudder and fearful whispering passed through the lines; not a soldier moved. “Cowards!” exclaimed their general, exasperated, “give me an hatchet! I alone will enter! I will plant your standard; and when you see it wave from yon highest minaret, you may gain courage, and rally round it!”

A wave of fear and hushed murmurs swept through the ranks; no soldier stirred. “Cowards!” shouted their general, frustrated, “give me an axe! I’ll go in alone! I’ll raise your flag, and when you see it flying from that tallest minaret, you might find your courage and gather around it!”

One of the officers now came forward: “General,” he said, “we neither fear the courage, nor arms, the open attack, nor secret ambush of the Moslems. We are ready to expose our breasts, exposed ten thousand times before, to the balls and scymetars of the infidels, and to fall gloriously for Greece. But we will not die in heaps, like dogs poisoned in summer-time, by the pestilential air of that city—we dare not go against the plague!”

One of the officers stepped up: “General,” he said, “we’re not afraid of the bravery, weapons, open attacks, or hidden ambushes of the Muslims. We’re ready to put our lives on the line, just like we have many times before, facing the bullets and swords of the infidels, and to fall heroically for Greece. But we refuse to die in piles, like dogs poisoned in the summer by the toxic air of that city—we cannot risk facing the plague!”

A multitude of men are feeble and inert, without a voice, a leader; give them that, and they regain the strength belonging to their numbers. Shouts from a thousand voices now rent the air—the cry of applause became universal. Raymond saw the danger; he was willing to save his troops from the crime of disobedience; for he knew, that contention once begun between the commander and his army, each act and word added to the weakness of the former, and bestowed power on the latter. He gave orders for the retreat to be sounded, and the regiments repaired in good order to the camp.

A lot of men are weak and inactive, without a voice or a leader; give them that, and they regain the strength that comes from their numbers. Shouts from a thousand voices now filled the air—the cheer of applause became widespread. Raymond recognized the danger; he wanted to protect his troops from the sin of disobedience; he knew that once conflict started between the commander and his army, every action and word would weaken the former and empower the latter. He ordered a retreat, and the regiments returned to the camp in good order.

I hastened to carry the intelligence of these strange proceedings to Perdita; and we were soon joined by Raymond. He looked gloomy and perturbed. My sister was struck by my narrative: “How beyond the imagination of man,” she exclaimed, “are the decrees of heaven, wondrous and inexplicable!”

I quickly rushed to tell Perdita about these strange happenings; soon, Raymond joined us. He seemed upset and troubled. My sister was taken aback by what I shared: “How unimaginable,” she exclaimed, “are the decrees of heaven, so amazing and inexplicable!”

“Foolish girl,” cried Raymond angrily, “are you like my valiant soldiers, panic-struck? What is there inexplicable, pray, tell me, in so very natural an occurrence? Does not the plague rage each year in Stamboul? What wonder, that this year, when as we are told, its virulence is unexampled in Asia, that it should have occasioned double havoc in that city? What wonder then, in time of siege, want, extreme heat, and drought, that it should make unaccustomed ravages? Less wonder far is it, that the garrison, despairing of being able to hold out longer, should take advantage of the negligence of our fleet to escape at once from siege and capture. It is not pestilence —by the God that lives! it is not either plague or impending danger that makes us, like birds in harvest-time, terrified by a scarecrow, abstain from the ready prey—it is base superstition—And thus the aim of the valiant is made the shuttlecock of fools; the worthy ambition of the high-souled, the plaything of these tamed hares! But yet Stamboul shall be ours! By my past labours, by torture and imprisonment suffered for them, by my victories, by my sword, I swear—by my hopes of fame, by my former deserts now awaiting their reward, I deeply vow, with these hands to plant the cross on yonder mosque!”

“Foolish girl,” Raymond shouted angrily, “are you like my brave soldiers, paralyzed with fear? What’s so hard to understand about something so natural? Doesn’t the plague strike every year in Stamboul? Is it surprising that this year, when we're told its severity is unprecedented in Asia, it has caused devastation in that city? What’s even more surprising is that during a siege, with scarcity, extreme heat, and drought, it would cause unexpected destruction. It’s even less surprising that the garrison, hopeless about holding out much longer, would take advantage of our fleet's inattention to escape from siege and capture. It's not the plague—by the God who lives!—it's not pestilence or imminent danger that makes us, like frightened birds in harvest time, avoid easy prey out of superstition. And because of that, the efforts of the brave become the plaything of fools; the noble ambitions of the high-spirited are treated like toys by these tamed hares! But still, Stamboul will be ours! By my past efforts, by the torture and imprisonment I've suffered for them, by my victories, by my sword, I swear—by my hopes for fame, by my earlier accomplishments now awaiting their just rewards, I solemnly vow, with these hands to plant the cross on that mosque over there!”

“Dearest Raymond!” interrupted Perdita, in a supplicating accent.

“Dearest Raymond!” interrupted Perdita, in a pleading tone.

He had been walking to and fro in the marble hall of the seraglio; his very lips were pale with rage, while, quivering, they shaped his angry words— his eyes shot fire—his gestures seemed restrained by their very vehemence. “Perdita,” he continued, impatiently, “I know what you would say; I know that you love me, that you are good and gentle; but this is no woman’s work—nor can a female heart guess at the hurricane which tears me!”

He had been pacing back and forth in the marble hall of the palace; his lips were pale with anger, and as he trembled, he formed his furious words—his eyes blazed with intensity—his gestures seemed held back by their own force. “Perdita,” he said, impatiently, “I know what you want to say; I know that you love me, that you are kind and gentle; but this isn’t something a woman should handle—nor can a woman’s heart understand the storm that’s tearing me apart!”

He seemed half afraid of his own violence, and suddenly quitted the hall: a look from Perdita shewed me her distress, and I followed him. He was pacing the garden: his passions were in a state of inconceivable turbulence. “Am I for ever,” he cried, “to be the sport of fortune! Must man, the heaven-climber, be for ever the victim of the crawling reptiles of his species! Were I as you, Lionel, looking forward to many years of life, to a succession of love-enlightened days, to refined enjoyments and fresh-springing hopes, I might yield, and breaking my General’s staff, seek repose in the glades of Windsor. But I am about to die!—nay, interrupt me not—soon I shall die. From the many-peopled earth, from the sympathies of man, from the loved resorts of my youth, from the kindness of my friends, from the affection of my only beloved Perdita, I am about to be removed. Such is the will of fate! Such the decree of the High Ruler from whom there is no appeal: to whom I submit. But to lose all—to lose with life and love, glory also! It shall not be!

He seemed half afraid of his own anger and suddenly left the hall. A glance from Perdita showed me her distress, prompting me to follow him. He was walking around the garden, his emotions in a state of unimaginable chaos. “Am I to be forever at the mercy of fate?” he exclaimed. “Must man, the one who strives for the heavens, always be the victim of the creeping reptiles of his own kind? If I were like you, Lionel, looking forward to many years of life, to a series of days filled with love, to refined pleasures and new hopes, I might give in and, breaking my General’s staff, seek peace in the woods of Windsor. But I’m about to die!—no, don’t interrupt me—soon I shall die. From the crowded earth, from human connections, from the cherished places of my youth, from the kindness of my friends, from the love of my only beloved Perdita, I am about to be taken away. Such is fate’s will! Such is the decree of the High Ruler to whom there is no appeal: to whom I submit. But to lose everything—to lose life, love, and glory too! That shall not happen!”

“I, and in a few brief years, all you,—this panic-struck army, and all the population of fair Greece, will no longer be. But other generations will arise, and ever and for ever will continue, to be made happier by our present acts, to be glorified by our valour. The prayer of my youth was to be one among those who render the pages of earth’s history splendid; who exalt the race of man, and make this little globe a dwelling of the mighty. Alas, for Raymond! the prayer of his youth is wasted—the hopes of his manhood are null!

"I, and in just a few short years, all of you—this terrified army and all the people of beautiful Greece—will no longer exist. But new generations will come, and they will always continue to be made happier by what we do now, to be honored by our bravery. My youthful prayer was to be one of those who make the pages of history remarkable; who uplift humanity and turn this small planet into a home for greatness. Unfortunately for Raymond! His youthful prayer has been in vain—the hopes of his adulthood are gone!"

“From my dungeon in yonder city I cried, soon I will be thy lord! When Evadne pronounced my death, I thought that the title of Victor of Constantinople would be written on my tomb, and I subdued all mortal fear. I stand before its vanquished walls, and dare not call myself a conqueror. So shall it not be! Did not Alexander leap from the walls of the city of the Oxydracae, to shew his coward troops the way to victory, encountering alone the swords of its defenders? Even so will I brave the plague—and though no man follow, I will plant the Grecian standard on the height of St. Sophia.”

"From my dungeon in that city, I shouted, soon I will be your lord! When Evadne declared my death, I thought the title of Victor of Constantinople would be etched on my tomb, and I overcame all mortal fear. I stand before its defeated walls, and can’t call myself a conqueror. That won’t be the case! Didn’t Alexander jump from the walls of the city of the Oxydracae to show his cowardly troops the way to victory, facing alone the swords of its defenders? Just like that, I will face the plague—and even if no one follows, I will plant the Greek standard on the height of St. Sophia."

Reason came unavailing to such high-wrought feelings. In vain I shewed him, that when winter came, the cold would dissipate the pestilential air, and restore courage to the Greeks. “Talk not of other season than this!” he cried. “I have lived my last winter, and the date of this year, 2092, will be carved upon my tomb. Already do I see,” he continued, looking up mournfully, “the bourne and precipitate edge of my existence, over which I plunge into the gloomy mystery of the life to come. I am prepared, so that I leave behind a trail of light so radiant, that my worst enemies cannot cloud it. I owe this to Greece, to you, to my surviving Perdita, and to myself, the victim of ambition.”

Reason was ineffective against such intense emotions. I tried to explain to him that when winter arrives, the cold will clear out the polluted air and restore courage to the Greeks. “Don’t talk about any season other than this!” he shouted. “I have lived through my last winter, and the date of this year, 2092, will be engraved on my tomb. Already I can see,” he continued, looking up sadly, “the end and the steep edge of my life, over which I will fall into the dark mystery of what comes next. I am ready, so that I leave behind a path of light so bright that even my worst enemies can’t darken it. I owe this to Greece, to you, to my surviving Perdita, and to myself, the victim of ambition.”

We were interrupted by an attendant, who announced, that the staff of Raymond was assembled in the council-chamber. He requested me in the meantime to ride through the camp, and to observe and report to him the dispositions of the soldiers; he then left me. I had been excited to the utmost by the proceedings of the day, and now more than ever by the passionate language of Raymond. Alas! for human reason! He accused the Greeks of superstition: what name did he give to the faith he lent to the predictions of Evadne? I passed from the palace of Sweet Waters to the plain on which the encampment lay, and found its inhabitants in commotion. The arrival of several with fresh stories of marvels, from the fleet; the exaggerations bestowed on what was already known; tales of old prophecies, of fearful histories of whole regions which had been laid waste during the present year by pestilence, alarmed and occupied the troops. Discipline was lost; the army disbanded itself. Each individual, before a part of a great whole moving only in unison with others, now became resolved into the unit nature had made him, and thought of himself only. They stole off at first by ones and twos, then in larger companies, until, unimpeded by the officers, whole battalions sought the road that led to Macedonia.

We were interrupted by an attendant who announced that the staff of Raymond was gathered in the council chamber. He asked me in the meantime to ride through the camp and observe the soldiers’ arrangements to report back to him; then he left. I was already feeling incredibly stirred by the day’s events, and even more so by Raymond's passionate words. Alas! for human reason! He criticized the Greeks for their superstitions; what term did he use for the faith he placed in Evadne's predictions? I walked from the palace at Sweet Waters to the plain where the camp was set up, and I found the people there in a tizzy. Several had arrived with fresh stories of wonders from the fleet; rumors were growing around what was already known; tales of ancient prophecies and terrifying accounts of entire regions that had been devastated by disease this year alarmed and occupied the troops. Discipline had broken down; the army was falling apart. Each person, once part of a larger force moving together, became focused solely on themselves as nature intended. They started slipping away one by one, then in bigger groups, until, with no officers to stop them, entire battalions headed towards the road leading to Macedonia.

About midnight I returned to the palace and sought Raymond; he was alone, and apparently composed; such composure, at least, was his as is inspired by a resolve to adhere to a certain line of conduct. He heard my account of the self-dissolution of the army with calmness, and then said, “You know, Verney, my fixed determination not to quit this place, until in the light of day Stamboul is confessedly ours. If the men I have about me shrink from following me, others, more courageous, are to be found. Go you before break of day, bear these dispatches to Karazza, add to them your own entreaties that he send me his marines and naval force; if I can get but one regiment to second me, the rest would follow of course. Let him send me this regiment. I shall expect your return by to-morrow noon.”

About midnight, I got back to the palace and looked for Raymond; he was alone and seemed composed, at least as much as someone can be when they're determined to stick to a certain course of action. He listened to my account of the army's self-dissolution with calmness, then said, “You know, Verney, I’m completely committed to staying here until Stamboul is clearly ours in the morning light. If the men I have around me are afraid to follow me, I can find others who are braver. You should go before dawn, take these dispatches to Karazza, and add your own pleas for him to send me his marines and naval forces; if I can get just one regiment to back me up, the rest will follow naturally. Have him send me this regiment. I expect you back by tomorrow noon.”

Methought this was but a poor expedient; but I assured him of my obedience and zeal. I quitted him to take a few hours rest. With the breaking of morning I was accoutred for my ride. I lingered awhile, desirous of taking leave of Perdita, and from my window observed the approach of the sun. The golden splendour arose, and weary nature awoke to suffer yet another day of heat and thirsty decay. No flowers lifted up their dew-laden cups to meet the dawn; the dry grass had withered on the plains; the burning fields of air were vacant of birds; the cicale alone, children of the sun, began their shrill and deafening song among the cypresses and olives. I saw Raymond’s coal-black charger brought to the palace gate; a small company of officers arrived soon after; care and fear was painted on each cheek, and in each eye, unrefreshed by sleep. I found Raymond and Perdita together. He was watching the rising sun, while with one arm he encircled his beloved’s waist; she looked on him, the sun of her life, with earnest gaze of mingled anxiety and tenderness. Raymond started angrily when he saw me. “Here still?” he cried. “Is this your promised zeal?”

I thought this was just a poor plan, but I assured him of my commitment and enthusiasm. I left him to get a few hours of rest. When morning broke, I was ready for my ride. I lingered for a bit, wanting to say goodbye to Perdita, and from my window, I watched the sun come up. The golden light appeared, and tired nature stirred to endure yet another day of heat and wilting decay. No flowers raised their dew-filled cups to greet the dawn; the dry grass had shriveled across the plains; the scorching air was empty of birds; only the cicadas, children of the sun, began their loud and overwhelming song among the cypress and olive trees. I saw Raymond’s jet-black horse brought to the palace gate; shortly after, a small group of officers arrived; anxiety and worry were visible on their faces, and their eyes, lacking the refreshment of sleep. I found Raymond and Perdita together. He was watching the rising sun while wrapping one arm around his beloved’s waist; she looked at him, the light of her life, with an expression of mixed worry and tenderness. Raymond flared up in anger when he saw me. “Still here?” he shouted. “Is this your promised commitment?”

“Pardon me,” I said, “but even as you speak, I am gone.”

“Excuse me,” I said, “but even as you talk, I’m already gone.”

“Nay, pardon me,” he replied; “I have no right to command or reproach; but my life hangs on your departure and speedy return. Farewell!”

“Please forgive me,” he said; “I have no authority to order or criticize; but my life depends on your leaving and coming back quickly. Goodbye!”

His voice had recovered its bland tone, but a dark cloud still hung on his features. I would have delayed; I wished to recommend watchfulness to Perdita, but his presence restrained me. I had no pretence for my hesitation; and on his repeating his farewell, I clasped his outstretched hand; it was cold and clammy. “Take care of yourself, my dear Lord,” I said.

His voice had returned to its neutral tone, but a shadow still loomed over his face. I would have paused; I wanted to advise Perdita to be cautious, but his presence stopped me. I had no reason for my hesitation; and as he said his goodbye again, I took his outstretched hand; it felt cold and clammy. “Take care of yourself, my dear Lord,” I said.

“Nay,” said Perdita, “that task shall be mine. Return speedily, Lionel.” With an air of absence he was playing with her auburn locks, while she leaned on him; twice I turned back, only to look again on this matchless pair. At last, with slow and heavy steps, I had paced out of the hall, and sprung upon my horse. At that moment Clara flew towards me; clasping my knee she cried, “Make haste back, uncle! Dear uncle, I have such fearful dreams; I dare not tell my mother. Do not be long away!” I assured her of my impatience to return, and then, with a small escort rode along the plain towards the tower of Marmora.

“No,” said Perdita, “I’ll take care of that. Come back quickly, Lionel.” He was absentmindedly playing with her auburn hair while she leaned against him; I turned back twice, just to admire this amazing couple. Finally, with slow and heavy steps, I made my way out of the hall and jumped onto my horse. At that moment, Clara rushed towards me; grabbing my knee, she exclaimed, “Hurry back, Uncle! Please, Uncle, I’ve had such scary dreams; I can’t tell my mother. Don’t be gone long!” I assured her I’d be back soon, and then, with a small escort, I rode across the plain towards the tower of Marmora.

I fulfilled my commission; I saw Karazza. He was somewhat surprised; he would see, he said, what could be done; but it required time; and Raymond had ordered me to return by noon. It was impossible to effect any thing in so short a time. I must stay till the next day; or come back, after having reported the present state of things to the general. My choice was easily made. A restlessness, a fear of what was about to betide, a doubt as to Raymond’s purposes, urged me to return without delay to his quarters. Quitting the Seven Towers, I rode eastward towards the Sweet Waters. I took a circuitous path, principally for the sake of going to the top of the mount before mentioned, which commanded a view of the city. I had my glass with me. The city basked under the noon-day sun, and the venerable walls formed its picturesque boundary. Immediately before me was the Top Kapou, the gate near which Mahomet had made the breach by which he entered the city. Trees gigantic and aged grew near; before the gate I discerned a crowd of moving human figures—with intense curiosity I lifted my glass to my eye. I saw Lord Raymond on his charger; a small company of officers had gathered about him; and behind was a promiscuous concourse of soldiers and subalterns, their discipline lost, their arms thrown aside; no music sounded, no banners streamed. The only flag among them was one which Raymond carried; he pointed with it to the gate of the city. The circle round him fell back. With angry gestures he leapt from his horse, and seizing a hatchet that hung from his saddle-bow, went with the apparent intention of battering down the opposing gate. A few men came to aid him; their numbers increased; under their united blows the obstacle was vanquished, gate, portcullis, and fence were demolished; and the wide sun-lit way, leading to the heart of the city, now lay open before them. The men shrank back; they seemed afraid of what they had already done, and stood as if they expected some Mighty Phantom to stalk in offended majesty from the opening. Raymond sprung lightly on his horse, grasped the standard, and with words which I could not hear (but his gestures, being their fit accompaniment, were marked by passionate energy,) he seemed to adjure their assistance and companionship; even as he spoke, the crowd receded from him. Indignation now transported him; his words I guessed were fraught with disdain—then turning from his coward followers, he addressed himself to enter the city alone. His very horse seemed to back from the fatal entrance; his dog, his faithful dog, lay moaning and supplicating in his path—in a moment more, he had plunged the rowels into the sides of the stung animal, who bounded forward, and he, the gateway passed, was galloping up the broad and desart street.

I completed my mission; I saw Karazza. He seemed a bit surprised; he said he would see what could be done, but it would take time, and Raymond had told me to return by noon. It was impossible to accomplish anything in such a short time. I had to stay until the next day or return after reporting the current situation to the general. My choice was clear. A restlessness, a fear of what was about to happen, a doubt about Raymond’s intentions pushed me to head back to his quarters without delay. Leaving the Seven Towers, I rode east toward the Sweet Waters. I took a longer route mainly to climb the mentioned hill, which offered a view of the city. I had my binoculars with me. The city basked in the midday sun, and the ancient walls formed its picturesque boundary. Right in front of me was the Top Kapou, the gate near which Mahomet made the breach to enter the city. Gigantic, ancient trees grew nearby; before the gate, I spotted a crowd of moving figures. With great curiosity, I raised my binoculars to my eyes. I saw Lord Raymond on his horse; a small group of officers had gathered around him, and behind them was a mixed crowd of soldiers and juniors, their discipline lost, their weapons cast aside. There was no music playing, no banners waving. The only flag in their midst was one that Raymond carried; he pointed it toward the city gate. The circle around him fell back. With angry gestures, he jumped off his horse and grabbed a hatchet that hung from his saddle, heading toward the gate with the apparent intent to break it down. A few men joined him; their numbers grew, and with their combined efforts, they broke down the gate, portcullis, and fence; the wide sunlit path leading to the heart of the city now lay open before them. The men stepped back; they seemed frightened by what they had already done, standing as if expecting some Mighty Phantom to emerge in offended majesty from the opening. Raymond quickly mounted his horse, grabbed the standard, and with words I couldn’t hear (but his gestures, perfectly matched by passionate energy,) he seemed to call for their assistance and companionship; but even as he spoke, the crowd pulled away from him. Indignation overtook him; I guessed his words were filled with disdain—then, turning from his cowardly followers, he resolved to enter the city alone. Even his horse seemed hesitant about crossing the treacherous entrance; his dog, his loyal dog, lay moaning and pleading in his path—in a moment, he dug his spurs into the sides of the startled animal, who leaped forward, and he, having passed the gateway, was galloping up the wide, deserted street.

Until this moment my soul had been in my eyes only. I had gazed with wonder, mixed with fear and enthusiasm. The latter feeling now predominated. I forgot the distance between us: “I will go with thee, Raymond!” I cried; but, my eye removed from the glass, I could scarce discern the pigmy forms of the crowd, which about a mile from me surrounded the gate; the form of Raymond was lost. Stung with impatience, I urged my horse with force of spur and loosened reins down the acclivity, that, before danger could arrive, I might be at the side of my noble, godlike friend. A number of buildings and trees intervened, when I had reached the plain, hiding the city from my view. But at that moment a crash was heard. Thunderlike it reverberated through the sky, while the air was darkened. A moment more and the old walls again met my sight, while over them hovered a murky cloud; fragments of buildings whirled above, half seen in smoke, while flames burst out beneath, and continued explosions filled the air with terrific thunders. Flying from the mass of falling ruin which leapt over the high walls, and shook the ivy towers, a crowd of soldiers made for the road by which I came; I was surrounded, hemmed in by them, unable to get forward. My impatience rose to its utmost; I stretched out my hands to the men; I conjured them to turn back and save their General, the conqueror of Stamboul, the liberator of Greece; tears, aye tears, in warm flow gushed from my eyes—I would not believe in his destruction; yet every mass that darkened the air seemed to bear with it a portion of the martyred Raymond. Horrible sights were shaped to me in the turbid cloud that hovered over the city; and my only relief was derived from the struggles I made to approach the gate. Yet when I effected my purpose, all I could discern within the precincts of the massive walls was a city of fire: the open way through which Raymond had ridden was enveloped in smoke and flame. After an interval the explosions ceased, but the flames still shot up from various quarters; the dome of St. Sophia had disappeared. Strange to say (the result perhaps of the concussion of air occasioned by the blowing up of the city) huge, white thunder clouds lifted themselves up from the southern horizon, and gathered over-head; they were the first blots on the blue expanse that I had seen for months, and amidst this havoc and despair they inspired pleasure. The vault above became obscured, lightning flashed from the heavy masses, followed instantaneously by crashing thunder; then the big rain fell. The flames of the city bent beneath it; and the smoke and dust arising from the ruins was dissipated.

Until this moment, my soul had only been in my eyes. I gazed with a mix of wonder, fear, and excitement, but now excitement took over. I forgot the distance between us: “I will go with you, Raymond!” I shouted; but when I looked away from the glass, I could barely see the tiny shapes of the crowd about a mile away surrounding the gate; the figure of Raymond was lost. Filled with impatience, I urged my horse down the slope, wanting to reach my noble, godlike friend before danger could strike. A number of buildings and trees blocked my view of the city as I reached the plain. Suddenly, I heard a loud crash. It echoed through the sky like thunder, darkening the air. Moments later, the old walls came into view again, shrouded in a murky cloud; debris whirled above, partially hidden in smoke, while flames broke out below, accompanied by deafening explosions. A crowd of soldiers, fleeing from the crashing ruins that leapt over the high walls and shook the ivy-covered towers, rushed toward the road I had come by; I found myself surrounded, unable to move forward. My impatience peaked; I reached out to the soldiers, pleading with them to turn back and save their General, the conqueror of Stamboul, the liberator of Greece; tears streamed down my face—I refused to believe he was lost; yet every fragment that darkened the sky seemed to carry a part of the martyred Raymond. Terrible visions formed in the thick cloud hovering over the city; my only comfort was in my struggles to get to the gate. But when I finally arrived, all I could see within the massive walls was a city ablaze: the path through which Raymond had ridden was engulfed in smoke and fire. After a while, the explosions stopped, but flames still shot up from different areas; the dome of St. Sophia had vanished. Strangely, perhaps due to the shockwave from the city's destruction, huge, white thunderclouds rose from the southern horizon and gathered overhead; they were the first marks on the clear sky I had seen in months, and amidst the chaos and despair, they brought me some relief. The sky darkened, lightning flashed from the heavy clouds, followed instantly by roaring thunder; then the heavy rain began to fall. The flames of the city bent under it, and the smoke and dust rising from the ruins began to clear.

I no sooner perceived an abatement of the flames than, hurried on by an irresistible impulse, I endeavoured to penetrate the town. I could only do this on foot, as the mass of ruin was impracticable for a horse. I had never entered the city before, and its ways were unknown to me. The streets were blocked up, the ruins smoking; I climbed up one heap, only to view others in succession; and nothing told me where the centre of the town might be, or towards what point Raymond might have directed his course. The rain ceased; the clouds sunk behind the horizon; it was now evening, and the sun descended swiftly the western sky. I scrambled on, until I came to a street, whose wooden houses, half-burnt, had been cooled by the rain, and were fortunately uninjured by the gunpowder. Up this I hurried—until now I had not seen a vestige of man. Yet none of the defaced human forms which I distinguished, could be Raymond; so I turned my eyes away, while my heart sickened within me. I came to an open space—a mountain of ruin in the midst, announced that some large mosque had occupied the space—and here, scattered about, I saw various articles of luxury and wealth, singed, destroyed—but shewing what they had been in their ruin—jewels, strings of pearls, embroidered robes, rich furs, glittering tapestries, and oriental ornaments, seemed to have been collected here in a pile destined for destruction; but the rain had stopped the havoc midway.

As soon as I noticed a decrease in the flames, I was driven by an irresistible urge to push into the town. I could only do this on foot, as the debris was too much for a horse to navigate. I had never been in the city before, so I didn’t know my way around. The streets were blocked, and smoke was rising from the ruins. I climbed one pile, only to see more piles in succession; nothing indicated where the center of the town might be or where Raymond might have gone. The rain stopped, the clouds sank beyond the horizon; it was evening, and the sun was quickly setting in the west. I kept moving until I reached a street lined with wooden houses, half-burned but cooled by the rain and thankfully untouched by gunpowder. I hurried up this street—until then, I hadn’t seen any signs of life. However, none of the distorted human forms I spotted could be Raymond, so I looked away, my heart heavy with sorrow. I arrived at an open area—a hill of ruins in the middle indicated that a large mosque had once stood there—and scattered around were various items of luxury and wealth, scorched and damaged but still hinting at their former glory—jewels, strings of pearls, embroidered robes, rich furs, shimmering tapestries, and ornate decorations seemed amassed here, destined for destruction; but the rain had halted the devastation in its tracks.

Hours passed, while in this scene of ruin I sought for Raymond. Insurmountable heaps sometimes opposed themselves; the still burning fires scorched me. The sun set; the atmosphere grew dim—and the evening star no longer shone companionless. The glare of flames attested the progress of destruction, while, during mingled light and obscurity, the piles around me took gigantic proportions and weird shapes. For a moment I could yield to the creative power of the imagination, and for a moment was soothed by the sublime fictions it presented to me. The beatings of my human heart drew me back to blank reality. Where, in this wilderness of death, art thou, O Raymond—ornament of England, deliverer of Greece, “hero of unwritten story,” where in this burning chaos are thy dear relics strewed? I called aloud for him—through the darkness of night, over the scorching ruins of fallen Constantinople, his name was heard; no voice replied—echo even was mute.

Hours went by as I searched for Raymond in this scene of devastation. Huge piles sometimes blocked my way; the still-burning fires were painfully hot. The sun set, the atmosphere dimmed—and the evening star no longer shone alone. The brightness of the flames showed how much destruction had occurred, while the mixed light and shadows made the surrounding piles look enormous and strange. For a moment, I could indulge in the creative power of my imagination, and it brought me comfort with the grand visions it conjured. But the beating of my human heart pulled me back to harsh reality. Where, in this wasteland of death, are you, O Raymond—jewel of England, savior of Greece, “hero of unwritten story,” where in this fiery chaos are your beloved remains scattered? I called out for him—through the darkness of night, over the scorching ruins of fallen Constantinople, his name was heard; no voice answered—echoes were silent too.

I was overcome by weariness; the solitude depressed my spirits. The sultry air impregnated with dust, the heat and smoke of burning palaces, palsied my limbs. Hunger suddenly came acutely upon me. The excitement which had hitherto sustained me was lost; as a building, whose props are loosened, and whose foundations rock, totters and falls, so when enthusiasm and hope deserted me, did my strength fail. I sat on the sole remaining step of an edifice, which even in its downfall, was huge and magnificent; a few broken walls, not dislodged by gunpowder, stood in fantastic groupes, and a flame glimmered at intervals on the summit of the pile. For a time hunger and sleep contended, till the constellations reeled before my eyes and then were lost. I strove to rise, but my heavy lids closed, my limbs over-wearied, claimed repose—I rested my head on the stone, I yielded to the grateful sensation of utter forgetfulness; and in that scene of desolation, on that night of despair—I slept.

I was overwhelmed by exhaustion; the loneliness brought me down. The humid air filled with dust, the heat and smoke from burning buildings left me weak. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pang of hunger. The energy that had earlier kept me going was gone; like a building losing its supports and swaying as it crumbles, my strength faded when enthusiasm and hope left me. I sat on the last remaining step of a structure that was still grand and impressive, even in its ruins; a few broken walls, untouched by gunpowder, stood in strange formations, and a flame flickered intermittently at the top of the pile. For a while, hunger and sleep fought for dominance until the stars blurred before my eyes and then disappeared. I tried to get up, but my heavy eyelids shut, and my weary limbs demanded rest—I leaned my head on the stone, giving in to the comforting sensation of complete forgetfulness; and in that desolate scene, on that night of despair—I slept.

[3] Calderon de la Barca.

Calderón de la Barca.

CHAPTER III.

The stars still shone brightly when I awoke, and Taurus high in the southern heaven shewed that it was midnight. I awoke from disturbed dreams. Methought I had been invited to Timon’s last feast; I came with keen appetite, the covers were removed, the hot water sent up its unsatisfying steams, while I fled before the anger of the host, who assumed the form of Raymond; while to my diseased fancy, the vessels hurled by him after me, were surcharged with fetid vapour, and my friend’s shape, altered by a thousand distortions, expanded into a gigantic phantom, bearing on its brow the sign of pestilence. The growing shadow rose and rose, filling, and then seeming to endeavour to burst beyond, the adamantine vault that bent over, sustaining and enclosing the world. The night-mare became torture; with a strong effort I threw off sleep, and recalled reason to her wonted functions. My first thought was Perdita; to her I must return; her I must support, drawing such food from despair as might best sustain her wounded heart; recalling her from the wild excesses of grief, by the austere laws of duty, and the soft tenderness of regret.

The stars were still shining brightly when I woke up, and Taurus high in the southern sky indicated that it was midnight. I had just come out of disturbed dreams. I thought I had been invited to Timon’s last feast; I arrived with a strong appetite, the covers were taken off, and the hot water sent up its unsatisfying steam, while I fled from the anger of the host, who took on the form of Raymond; to my tormented mind, the dishes he threw at me were filled with putrid vapor, and my friend’s shape, twisted in a thousand ways, grew into a giant phantom, marked by the sign of plague. The rising shadow kept growing, filling the space and seemingly trying to burst through the unbreakable ceiling that covered and held up the world. The nightmare turned into torture; with a strong effort, I shook off sleep and regained my reason. My first thought was Perdita; I had to go back to her; I had to support her, finding whatever strength I could from despair to help sustain her wounded heart; pulling her away from the wild depths of grief, through the strict demands of duty and the gentle warmth of regret.

The position of the stars was my only guide. I turned from the awful ruin of the Golden City, and, after great exertion, succeeded in extricating myself from its enclosure. I met a company of soldiers outside the walls; I borrowed a horse from one of them, and hastened to my sister. The appearance of the plain was changed during this short interval; the encampment was broken up; the relics of the disbanded army met in small companies here and there; each face was clouded; every gesture spoke astonishment and dismay.

The stars were my only guide. I turned away from the terrible ruins of the Golden City and, after a lot of effort, managed to free myself from its boundaries. Outside the walls, I ran into a group of soldiers; I borrowed a horse from one of them and rushed to my sister. In this brief time, the landscape had changed; the camp was taken down; remnants of the scattered army gathered in small groups here and there; every face was troubled; every gesture showed shock and distress.

With an heavy heart I entered the palace, and stood fearful to advance, to speak, to look. In the midst of the hall was Perdita; she sat on the marble pavement, her head fallen on her bosom, her hair dishevelled, her fingers twined busily one within the other; she was pale as marble, and every feature was contracted by agony. She perceived me, and looked up enquiringly; her half glance of hope was misery; the words died before I could articulate them; I felt a ghastly smile wrinkle my lips. She understood my gesture; again her head fell; again her fingers worked restlessly. At last I recovered speech, but my voice terrified her; the hapless girl had understood my look, and for worlds she would not that the tale of her heavy misery should have been shaped out and confirmed by hard, irrevocable words. Nay, she seemed to wish to distract my thoughts from the subject: she rose from the floor: “Hush!” she said, whisperingly; “after much weeping, Clara sleeps; we must not disturb her.” She seated herself then on the same ottoman where I had left her in the morning resting on the beating heart of her Raymond; I dared not approach her, but sat at a distant corner, watching her starting and nervous gestures. At length, in an abrupt manner she asked, “Where is he?”

With a heavy heart, I walked into the palace and hesitated to move forward, to speak, or even to look around. In the middle of the hall was Perdita; she sat on the marble floor, her head bowed on her chest, her hair messy, her fingers fidgeting nervously with each other; she looked as pale as marble, and every feature on her face showed signs of pain. She noticed me and looked up with a questioning expression; her brief glimpse of hope was pure misery; the words I wanted to say died on my lips, and I felt a strained smile crease my face. She understood my gesture; once more, her head drooped, and her fingers continued to move restlessly. Finally, I found my voice, but it frightened her; the unfortunate girl had read my expression, and there was nothing in the world that would make her want her heavy sorrow to be confirmed by harsh, undeniable words. Instead, it seemed she wanted to shift my focus away from the topic: she got up from the floor. “Hush!” she said softly; “after crying so much, Clara is sleeping; we mustn't disturb her.” She then sat down on the same ottoman where I had left her in the morning, resting against her beloved Raymond's heartbeat; I didn't dare to get closer, so I sat in a distant corner, watching her jumpy and anxious movements. Finally, she asked abruptly, “Where is he?”

“O, fear not,” she continued, “fear not that I should entertain hope! Yet tell me, have you found him? To have him once more in my arms, to see him, however changed, is all I desire. Though Constantinople be heaped above him as a tomb, yet I must find him—then cover us with the city’s weight, with a mountain piled above—I care not, so that one grave hold Raymond and his Perdita.” Then weeping, she clung to me: “Take me to him,” she cried, “unkind Lionel, why do you keep me here? Of myself I cannot find him —but you know where he lies—lead me thither.”

“Oh, don’t be afraid,” she continued, “don’t be afraid that I should have hope! But tell me, have you found him? To hold him in my arms again, to see him, no matter how much he’s changed, is all I want. Even if Constantinople is piled on top of him like a tomb, I have to find him—then bury us under the weight of the city, under a mountain— I don’t care, as long as one grave holds Raymond and his Perdita.” Then she started crying and clung to me: “Take me to him,” she pleaded, “unkind Lionel, why do you keep me here? I can’t find him on my own—but you know where he is—lead me there.”

At first these agonizing plaints filled me with intolerable compassion. But soon I endeavoured to extract patience for her from the ideas she suggested. I related my adventures of the night, my endeavours to find our lost one, and my disappointment. Turning her thoughts this way, I gave them an object which rescued them from insanity. With apparent calmness she discussed with me the probable spot where he might be found, and planned the means we should use for that purpose. Then hearing of my fatigue and abstinence, she herself brought me food. I seized the favourable moment, and endeavoured to awaken in her something beyond the killing torpor of grief. As I spoke, my subject carried me away; deep admiration; grief, the offspring of truest affection, the overflowing of a heart bursting with sympathy for all that had been great and sublime in the career of my friend, inspired me as I poured forth the praises of Raymond.

At first, these painful cries overwhelmed me with unbearable compassion. But soon, I tried to draw patience for her from the ideas she brought up. I shared my experiences from the night, my efforts to find our missing one, and my disappointment. By shifting her focus this way, I gave her thoughts a purpose that saved them from madness. With a calm demeanor, she discussed with me where he might be found and planned the ways we could achieve that. Then, noticing my exhaustion and hunger, she brought me food herself. I took advantage of the moment and tried to spark in her something beyond the suffocating numbness of grief. As I spoke, my topic carried me away; deep admiration and sorrow, born from true affection and a heart overflowing with sympathy for everything great and noble in my friend’s life, inspired me as I praised Raymond.

“Alas, for us,” I cried, “who have lost this latest honour of the world! Beloved Raymond! He is gone to the nations of the dead; he has become one of those, who render the dark abode of the obscure grave illustrious by dwelling there. He has journied on the road that leads to it, and joined the mighty of soul who went before him. When the world was in its infancy death must have been terrible, and man left his friends and kindred to dwell, a solitary stranger, in an unknown country. But now, he who dies finds many companions gone before to prepare for his reception. The great of past ages people it, the exalted hero of our own days is counted among its inhabitants, while life becomes doubly ‘the desart and the solitude.’

“Alas for us,” I cried, “who have lost this latest honor of the world! Beloved Raymond! He has gone to the land of the dead; he has become one of those who make the dark realm of the grave illustrious by residing there. He has traveled the path that leads to it and joined the great souls who came before him. When the world was young, death must have been terrifying, and a person left their friends and family to become a lonely stranger in an unknown land. But now, when someone dies, they find many companions who have gone ahead to prepare for their arrival. The great people of past ages inhabit it, and even the celebrated hero of our time is counted among its residents, while life becomes even more ‘the desert and the solitude.’

“What a noble creature was Raymond, the first among the men of our time. By the grandeur of his conceptions, the graceful daring of his actions, by his wit and beauty, he won and ruled the minds of all. Of one only fault he might have been accused; but his death has cancelled that. I have heard him called inconstant of purpose—when he deserted, for the sake of love, the hope of sovereignty, and when he abdicated the protectorship of England, men blamed his infirmity of purpose. Now his death has crowned his life, and to the end of time it will be remembered, that he devoted himself, a willing victim, to the glory of Greece. Such was his choice: he expected to die. He foresaw that he should leave this cheerful earth, the lightsome sky, and thy love, Perdita; yet he neither hesitated or turned back, going right onward to his mark of fame. While the earth lasts, his actions will be recorded with praise. Grecian maidens will in devotion strew flowers on his tomb, and make the air around it resonant with patriotic hymns, in which his name will find high record.”

"What a noble person Raymond was, the standout among all men of our time. With the grandeur of his ideas, the bold elegance of his actions, along with his wit and good looks, he captured and ruled the hearts of everyone. He could have been accused of just one flaw, but his death has erased that. Some called him fickle for giving up his chance at power for love and for stepping down from the protectorship of England; they criticized his lack of resolution. Now that he has passed, his life is celebrated, and it will be remembered forever that he willingly sacrificed himself for the glory of Greece. That was his choice: he knew he was going to die. He foresaw that he would leave this joyful world, the bright sky, and your love, Perdita; yet he never wavered or turned back, moving confidently toward his legacy. As long as the earth remains, his deeds will be praised. Greek maidens will reverently lay flowers on his grave and fill the air around it with patriotic songs, ensuring his name is honored."

I saw the features of Perdita soften; the sternness of grief yielded to tenderness—I continued:—“Thus to honour him, is the sacred duty of his survivors. To make his name even as an holy spot of ground, enclosing it from all hostile attacks by our praise, shedding on it the blossoms of love and regret, guarding it from decay, and bequeathing it untainted to posterity. Such is the duty of his friends. A dearer one belongs to you, Perdita, mother of his child. Do you remember in her infancy, with what transport you beheld Clara, recognizing in her the united being of yourself and Raymond; joying to view in this living temple a manifestation of your eternal loves. Even such is she still. You say that you have lost Raymond. O, no!—yet he lives with you and in you there. From him she sprung, flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone—and not, as heretofore, are you content to trace in her downy cheek and delicate limbs, an affinity to Raymond, but in her enthusiastic affections, in the sweet qualities of her mind, you may still find him living, the good, the great, the beloved. Be it your care to foster this similarity—be it your care to render her worthy of him, so that, when she glory in her origin, she take not shame for what she is.”

I saw Perdita’s expression soften; the harshness of her grief gave way to tenderness. I continued: “To honor him is the sacred duty of those who survive him. We must make his name a cherished place, protecting it from all negative influences with our praise, covering it with the blossoms of love and regret, keeping it safe from decay, and passing it on to future generations untouched. This is the duty of his friends. But you have an even deeper responsibility, Perdita, as the mother of his child. Do you remember how, when Clara was a baby, you looked at her with such joy, seeing in her the combined essence of yourself and Raymond? You were so happy to witness in this living being a reflection of your eternal love. She is still that way. You may think you’ve lost Raymond. Oh, no! He lives on with you and within you. She came from him, flesh of his flesh, bone of his bone—and it’s not just in her soft cheeks and delicate limbs that you see a connection to Raymond; in her passionate feelings and the beautiful qualities of her mind, you can still find him alive, the good, the great, the beloved. It’s up to you to nurture this resemblance—make it your mission to help her become worthy of him, so that when she celebrates her origins, she feels pride in who she is, not shame.”

I could perceive that, when I recalled my sister’s thoughts to her duties in life, she did not listen with the same patience as before. She appeared to suspect a plan of consolation on my part, from which she, cherishing her new-born grief, revolted. “You talk of the future,” she said, “while the present is all to me. Let me find the earthly dwelling of my beloved; let us rescue that from common dust, so that in times to come men may point to the sacred tomb, and name it his—then to other thoughts, and a new course of life, or what else fate, in her cruel tyranny, may have marked out for me.”

I could tell that when I reminded my sister about her responsibilities in life, she didn’t listen with the same patience as before. She seemed to suspect that I was trying to console her, and she rejected that, holding on to her fresh grief. “You talk about the future,” she said, “but the present is everything to me. Let me find my beloved’s earthly resting place; let’s preserve that from ordinary dust, so that in the future, people can point to the sacred tomb and say it belongs to him—then I can think of other things and a new direction in life, or whatever else fate, in her cruel control, may have in store for me.”

After a short repose I prepared to leave her, that I might endeavour to accomplish her wish. In the mean time we were joined by Clara, whose pallid cheek and scared look shewed the deep impression grief had made on her young mind. She seemed to be full of something to which she could not give words; but, seizing an opportunity afforded by Perdita’s absence, she preferred to me an earnest prayer, that I would take her within view of the gate at which her father had entered Constantinople. She promised to commit no extravagance, to be docile, and immediately to return. I could not refuse; for Clara was not an ordinary child; her sensibility and intelligence seemed already to have endowed her with the rights of womanhood. With her therefore, before me on my horse, attended only by the servant who was to re-conduct her, we rode to the Top Kapou. We found a party of soldiers gathered round it. They were listening. “They are human cries,” said one: “More like the howling of a dog,” replied another; and again they bent to catch the sound of regular distant moans, which issued from the precincts of the ruined city. “That, Clara,” I said, “is the gate, that the street which yestermorn your father rode up.” Whatever Clara’s intention had been in asking to be brought hither, it was balked by the presence of the soldiers. With earnest gaze she looked on the labyrinth of smoking piles which had been a city, and then expressed her readiness to return home. At this moment a melancholy howl struck on our ears; it was repeated; “Hark!” cried Clara, “he is there; that is Florio, my father’s dog.” It seemed to me impossible that she could recognise the sound, but she persisted in her assertion till she gained credit with the crowd about. At least it would be a benevolent action to rescue the sufferer, whether human or brute, from the desolation of the town; so, sending Clara back to her home, I again entered Constantinople. Encouraged by the impunity attendant on my former visit, several soldiers who had made a part of Raymond’s body guard, who had loved him, and sincerely mourned his loss, accompanied me.

After a short break, I got ready to leave her so I could try to fulfill her wish. In the meantime, Clara joined us, her pale face and frightened expression showing how deeply grief had affected her young mind. She seemed overwhelmed by something she couldn't put into words, but when Perdita stepped away, she earnestly asked me to take her to see the gate where her father had entered Constantinople. She promised she wouldn’t misbehave, would be obedient, and would return right away. I couldn’t say no because Clara was not an ordinary child; her sensitivity and intelligence seemed to have already given her the maturity of adulthood. So, with her sitting in front of me on my horse, and just a servant to take her back, we rode to the Top Kapou. There was a group of soldiers gathered around it, listening closely. “Those are human cries,” one said. “Sounds more like a dog's howling,” another replied, as they leaned in to hear the distant, regular moans coming from the ruined city. “That, Clara,” I said, “is the gate, and that’s the street your father rode up yesterday morning.” Whatever Clara's reason for wanting to come here was, it was interrupted by the soldiers' presence. With an intent gaze, she looked at the maze of smoking ruins that used to be a city, then said she was ready to go home. At that moment, a sorrowful howl reached our ears; it repeated, and Clara exclaimed, “Listen! That’s Florio, my father’s dog.” I thought it was unlikely she could recognize the sound, but she insisted until those around us believed her. It seemed like a kind act to rescue whoever was suffering, whether human or animal, from the devastation of the town. So, I sent Clara back home and re-entered Constantinople. Buoyed by the safety of my previous visit, several soldiers from Raymond's bodyguard, who cared for him and truly mourned his loss, followed me.

It is impossible to conjecture the strange enchainment of events which restored the lifeless form of my friend to our hands. In that part of the town where the fire had most raged the night before, and which now lay quenched, black and cold, the dying dog of Raymond crouched beside the mutilated form of its lord. At such a time sorrow has no voice; affliction, tamed by its very vehemence, is mute. The poor animal recognised me, licked my hand, crept close to its lord, and died. He had been evidently thrown from his horse by some falling ruin, which had crushed his head, and defaced his whole person. I bent over the body, and took in my hand the edge of his cloak, less altered in appearance than the human frame it clothed. I pressed it to my lips, while the rough soldiers gathered around, mourning over this worthiest prey of death, as if regret and endless lamentation could re-illumine the extinguished spark, or call to its shattered prison-house of flesh the liberated spirit. Yesterday those limbs were worth an universe; they then enshrined a transcendant power, whose intents, words, and actions were worthy to be recorded in letters of gold; now the superstition of affection alone could give value to the shattered mechanism, which, incapable and clod-like, no more resembled Raymond, than the fallen rain is like the former mansion of cloud in which it climbed the highest skies, and gilded by the sun, attracted all eyes, and satiated the sense by its excess of beauty.

It’s hard to imagine the strange series of events that brought my friend’s lifeless body back to us. In the part of town where the fire had raged the night before, now extinguished, blackened, and cold, Raymond’s dying dog crouched beside its owner’s mangled body. At times like these, sorrow can’t find words; suffering, so intense, is silent. The poor animal recognized me, licked my hand, crawled closer to its master, and died. He had clearly been thrown from his horse by some collapsing debris, which had crushed his head and disfigured his entire body. I leaned over the corpse and picked up the edge of his cloak, which looked less altered than the human form it covered. I pressed it to my lips, while the rough soldiers gathered around, mourning over this most deserving victim of death, as if grief and endless lamenting could reignite the extinguished spark or summon the liberated spirit back to its shattered flesh. Just yesterday, those limbs were worth the universe, containing a transcendent power whose thoughts, words, and actions were worthy of being recorded in gold; now, only the superstition of love could lend value to the broken mechanism, which, stiff and lifeless, resembled Raymond no more than fallen rain resembles the former cloud that once soared high in the sky, golden in the sunlight, drawing all eyes and fulfilling the senses with its overwhelming beauty.

Such as he had now become, such as was his terrene vesture, defaced and spoiled, we wrapt it in our cloaks, and lifting the burthen in our arms, bore it from this city of the dead. The question arose as to where we should deposit him. In our road to the palace, we passed through the Greek cemetery; here on a tablet of black marble I caused him to be laid; the cypresses waved high above, their death-like gloom accorded with his state of nothingness. We cut branches of the funereal trees and placed them over him, and on these again his sword. I left a guard to protect this treasure of dust; and ordered perpetual torches to be burned around.

As he had now become, as worn and damaged as his earthly body was, we wrapped it in our cloaks and, lifting the burden in our arms, carried it from this city of the dead. We debated where to lay him to rest. On our way to the palace, we passed through the Greek cemetery; there, on a black marble slab, I had him placed. The tall cypresses swayed above, their somber presence matching his state of nothingness. We cut branches from the funeral trees and placed them over him, and on top of that, we laid his sword. I left a guard to watch over this precious dust and ordered eternal torches to be lit around it.

When I returned to Perdita, I found that she had already been informed of the success of my undertaking. He, her beloved, the sole and eternal object of her passionate tenderness, was restored her. Such was the maniac language of her enthusiasm. What though those limbs moved not, and those lips could no more frame modulated accents of wisdom and love! What though like a weed flung from the fruitless sea, he lay the prey of corruption— still that was the form she had caressed, those the lips that meeting hers, had drank the spirit of love from the commingling breath; that was the earthly mechanism of dissoluble clay she had called her own. True, she looked forward to another life; true, the burning spirit of love seemed to her unextinguishable throughout eternity. Yet at this time, with human fondness, she clung to all that her human senses permitted her to see and feel to be a part of Raymond.

When I returned to Perdita, I found out that she had already heard about the success of my mission. He, her beloved, the one and only object of her passionate affection, was back with her. Such was the wild expression of her excitement. Even though his limbs didn’t move, and his lips could no longer form the gentle words of wisdom and love! Even though he lay like a piece of seaweed tossed from a barren ocean, a victim of decay—still, that was the body she had cherished, those were the lips that, pressed against hers, had shared the essence of love through their mingled breath; that was the earthly vessel of fragile clay she had claimed as her own. True, she looked forward to another life; true, the fiery spirit of love seemed to her everlasting throughout eternity. Yet at this moment, with human affection, she held onto everything that her senses allowed her to see and feel as part of Raymond.

Pale as marble, clear and beaming as that, she heard my tale, and enquired concerning the spot where he had been deposited. Her features had lost the distortion of grief; her eyes were brightened, her very person seemed dilated; while the excessive whiteness and even transparency of her skin, and something hollow in her voice, bore witness that not tranquillity, but excess of excitement, occasioned the treacherous calm that settled on her countenance. I asked her where he should be buried. She replied, “At Athens; even at the Athens which he loved. Without the town, on the acclivity of Hymettus, there is a rocky recess which he pointed out to me as the spot where he would wish to repose.”

Pale as marble, clear and shining like that, she listened to my story and asked about the place where he had been laid to rest. Her face was free from the signs of grief; her eyes sparkled, and she seemed more alive; while the extreme whiteness and even transparency of her skin, along with something hollow in her voice, showed that it was not calm, but overwhelming excitement, that caused the deceptive serenity on her face. I asked her where he should be buried. She answered, “In Athens; the very Athens he loved. Outside the city, on the slope of Hymettus, there's a rocky nook that he showed me as the place where he would want to rest.”

My own desire certainly was that he should not be removed from the spot where he now lay. But her wish was of course to be complied with; and I entreated her to prepare without delay for our departure.

My own wish was definitely that he wouldn’t be moved from the place where he was lying. But, of course, her desire had to be respected; so I urged her to get ready for us to leave without delay.

Behold now the melancholy train cross the flats of Thrace, and wind through the defiles, and over the mountains of Macedonia, coast the clear waves of the Peneus, cross the Larissean plain, pass the straits of Thermopylae, and ascending in succession Œrta and Parnassus, descend to the fertile plain of Athens. Women bear with resignation these long drawn ills, but to a man’s impatient spirit, the slow motion of our cavalcade, the melancholy repose we took at noon, the perpetual presence of the pall, gorgeous though it was, that wrapt the rifled casket which had contained Raymond, the monotonous recurrence of day and night, unvaried by hope or change, all the circumstances of our march were intolerable. Perdita, shut up in herself, spoke little. Her carriage was closed; and, when we rested, she sat leaning her pale cheek on her white cold hand, with eyes fixed on the ground, indulging thoughts which refused communication or sympathy.

Look now at the sorrowful procession moving across the plains of Thrace, winding through the narrow passes and over the mountains of Macedonia, following the clear waves of the Peneus, crossing the Larissean plain, passing through the straits of Thermopylae, and climbing successively Œrta and Parnassus, before descending to the fertile plain of Athens. Women endure these prolonged hardships with patience, but for a man’s restless spirit, the slow pace of our caravan, the somber rest we took at noon, the constant presence of the pall, beautiful as it was, that covered the looted casket which had held Raymond, the endless cycle of day and night without hope or change, made every part of our journey unbearable. Perdita, withdrawn into herself, spoke very little. Her carriage was closed; and when we paused, she sat with her pale cheek resting on her cold white hand, her eyes fixed on the ground, lost in thoughts that brought her no comfort or connection.

We descended from Parnassus, emerging from its many folds, and passed through Livadia on our road to Attica. Perdita would not enter Athens; but reposing at Marathon on the night of our arrival, conducted me on the following day, to the spot selected by her as the treasure house of Raymond’s dear remains. It was in a recess near the head of the ravine to the south of Hymettus. The chasm, deep, black, and hoary, swept from the summit to the base; in the fissures of the rock myrtle underwood grew and wild thyme, the food of many nations of bees; enormous crags protruded into the cleft, some beetling over, others rising perpendicularly from it. At the foot of this sublime chasm, a fertile laughing valley reached from sea to sea, and beyond was spread the blue Aegean, sprinkled with islands, the light waves glancing beneath the sun. Close to the spot on which we stood, was a solitary rock, high and conical, which, divided on every side from the mountain, seemed a nature-hewn pyramid; with little labour this block was reduced to a perfect shape; the narrow cell was scooped out beneath in which Raymond was placed, and a short inscription, carved in the living stone, recorded the name of its tenant, the cause and aera of his death.

We came down from Parnassus, emerging from its many folds, and passed through Livadia on our way to Attica. Perdita wouldn't go into Athens, but after resting at Marathon on the night we arrived, she took me the next day to the place she had chosen as the final resting spot for Raymond’s cherished remains. It was in a secluded area near the top of the ravine south of Hymettus. The chasm was deep, dark, and ancient, extending from the summit to the bottom; in the cracks of the rock, myrtle and wild thyme grew, providing food for countless bees; massive cliffs jutted into the crevice, some hanging over while others rose straight up from it. At the base of this magnificent chasm, a vibrant valley stretched from sea to sea, and beyond lay the blue Aegean, dotted with islands, the sunlight sparkling on the gentle waves. Close to where we stood was a solitary rock, tall and conical, which, separated on every side from the mountain, looked like a pyramid shaped by nature; with little effort, this block was formed into a perfect shape; a narrow space was carved out beneath it where Raymond was placed, and a short inscription, etched into the living stone, recorded his name, the cause, and the year of his death.

Every thing was accomplished with speed under my directions. I agreed to leave the finishing and guardianship of the tomb to the head of the religious establishment at Athens, and by the end of October prepared for my return to England. I mentioned this to Perdita. It was painful to appear to drag her from the last scene that spoke of her lost one; but to linger here was vain, and my very soul was sick with its yearning to rejoin my Idris and her babes. In reply, my sister requested me to accompany her the following evening to the tomb of Raymond. Some days had passed since I had visited the spot. The path to it had been enlarged, and steps hewn in the rock led us less circuitously than before, to the spot itself; the platform on which the pyramid stood was enlarged, and looking towards the south, in a recess overshadowed by the straggling branches of a wild fig-tree, I saw foundations dug, and props and rafters fixed, evidently the commencement of a cottage; standing on its unfinished threshold, the tomb was at our right-hand, the whole ravine, and plain, and azure sea immediately before us; the dark rocks received a glow from the descending sun, which glanced along the cultivated valley, and dyed in purple and orange the placid waves; we sat on a rocky elevation, and I gazed with rapture on the beauteous panorama of living and changeful colours, which varied and enhanced the graces of earth and ocean.

Everything was done quickly under my direction. I agreed to leave the finishing touches and oversight of the tomb to the head of the religious establishment in Athens, and by the end of October, I was getting ready to return to England. I mentioned this to Perdita. It was tough to seem like I was dragging her away from the last place that reminded her of her lost loved one; but staying here was pointless, and my heart ached with longing to reunite with my Idris and her children. In response, my sister asked me to join her the following evening at Raymond's tomb. A few days had passed since I last visited that place. The path to it had been widened, and steps carved into the rock led us more directly than before to the site; the platform where the pyramid stood had been expanded, and looking southward, in a recess shaded by the sprawling branches of a wild fig tree, I noticed the ground had been dug up, and supports and beams were set up, clearly the start of a cottage; standing on its unfinished threshold, the tomb was to our right, while the entire ravine, plain, and blue sea spread out before us; the dark rocks caught a glow from the setting sun, which glinted across the cultivated valley, tinting the calm waves in shades of purple and orange; we sat on a rocky rise, and I gazed in awe at the beautiful panorama of vibrant and shifting colors, which enhanced the beauty of both earth and ocean.

“Did I not do right,” said Perdita, “in having my loved one conveyed hither? Hereafter this will be the cynosure of Greece. In such a spot death loses half its terrors, and even the inanimate dust appears to partake of the spirit of beauty which hallows this region. Lionel, he sleeps there; that is the grave of Raymond, he whom in my youth I first loved; whom my heart accompanied in days of separation and anger; to whom I am now joined for ever. Never—mark me—never will I leave this spot. Methinks his spirit remains here as well as that dust, which, uncommunicable though it be, is more precious in its nothingness than aught else widowed earth clasps to her sorrowing bosom. The myrtle bushes, the thyme, the little cyclamen, which peep from the fissures of the rock, all the produce of the place, bear affinity to him; the light that invests the hills participates in his essence, and sky and mountains, sea and valley, are imbued by the presence of his spirit. I will live and die here!

“Did I not do the right thing,” said Perdita, “by having my loved one brought here? From now on, this will be the center of attention in Greece. In a place like this, death feels less frightening, and even the lifeless dust seems to share in the beauty that blesses this area. Lionel, he sleeps there; that's the grave of Raymond, the one I first loved in my youth; the one my heart followed through times of separation and anger; to whom I am now forever bound. Never—mark my words—never will I leave this place. I believe his spirit remains here, just like the dust, which, though inexplicable, is more precious in its emptiness than anything else that the grieving earth holds close. The myrtle bushes, the thyme, the little cyclamen peeking from the cracks in the rock, all the natural things here remind me of him; the light that bathes the hills reflects his essence, and the sky and mountains, sea and valley, are filled with his presence. I will live and die here!

“Go you to England, Lionel; return to sweet Idris and dearest Adrian; return, and let my orphan girl be as a child of your own in your house. Look on me as dead; and truly if death be a mere change of state, I am dead. This is another world, from that which late I inhabited, from that which is now your home. Here I hold communion only with the has been, and to come. Go you to England, and leave me where alone I can consent to drag out the miserable days which I must still live.”

“Go to England, Lionel; return to sweet Idris and dear Adrian; come back, and let my orphan girl be like your own child in your home. Think of me as if I'm dead; and honestly, if death is just a change in state, then I am dead. This is a different world from the one I used to live in, the one that's now your home. Here, I only connect with the past and the future. Go to England, and leave me here where I can agree to endure the miserable days I still have to live.”

A shower of tears terminated her sad harangue. I had expected some extravagant proposition, and remained silent awhile, collecting my thoughts that I might the better combat her fanciful scheme. “You cherish dreary thoughts, my dear Perdita,” I said, “nor do I wonder that for a time your better reason should be influenced by passionate grief and a disturbed imagination. Even I am in love with this last home of Raymond’s; nevertheless we must quit it.”

A shower of tears ended her sad speech. I had expected some wild suggestion, and I stayed silent for a moment, gathering my thoughts so I could better challenge her fanciful idea. “You have some gloomy thoughts, my dear Perdita,” I said, “and it’s no surprise that, for a while, your better judgment is affected by deep sadness and an unsettled mind. Even I love this last home of Raymond’s; still, we have to leave it.”

“I expected this,” cried Perdita; “I supposed that you would treat me as a mad, foolish girl. But do not deceive yourself; this cottage is built by my order; and here I shall remain, until the hour arrives when I may share his happier dwelling.”

“I knew this would happen,” exclaimed Perdita; “I thought you would treat me like a crazy, silly girl. But don’t kid yourself; I had this cottage built myself, and I will stay here until the time comes when I can live in his happier home.”

“My dearest girl!”

“My beloved girl!”

“And what is there so strange in my design? I might have deceived you; I might have talked of remaining here only a few months; in your anxiety to reach Windsor you would have left me, and without reproach or contention, I might have pursued my plan. But I disdained the artifice; or rather in my wretchedness it was my only consolation to pour out my heart to you, my brother, my only friend. You will not dispute with me? You know how wilful your poor, misery-stricken sister is. Take my girl with you; wean her from sights and thoughts of sorrow; let infantine hilarity revisit her heart, and animate her eyes; so could it never be, were she near me; it is far better for all of you that you should never see me again. For myself, I will not voluntarily seek death, that is, I will not, while I can command myself; and I can here. But drag me from this country; and my power of self control vanishes, nor can I answer for the violence my agony of grief may lead me to commit.”

“And what’s so strange about my plan? I could have tricked you; I could have said I was only staying for a few months; in your hurry to get to Windsor, you might have left me, and without any complaints or arguments, I could have gone after my plan. But I rejected that trick; or rather, in my misery, my only comfort was to share my feelings with you, my brother, my only friend. You won’t argue with me, will you? You know how stubborn your poor, suffering sister is. Take my girl with you; keep her away from sights and thoughts of sadness; let her laugh like a child again and bring light back to her eyes; that can never happen if she’s near me; it’s much better for all of you if you never see me again. As for me, I won’t actively seek death, at least not while I can keep it together; and I can here. But if you pull me away from this place, my self-control will disappear, and I can’t promise what the pain of my grief might make me do.”

“You clothe your meaning, Perdita,” I replied, “in powerful words, yet that meaning is selfish and unworthy of you. You have often agreed with me that there is but one solution to the intricate riddle of life; to improve ourselves, and contribute to the happiness of others: and now, in the very prime of life, you desert your principles, and shut yourself up in useless solitude. Will you think of Raymond less at Windsor, the scene of your early happiness? Will you commune less with his departed spirit, while you watch over and cultivate the rare excellence of his child? You have been sadly visited; nor do I wonder that a feeling akin to insanity should drive you to bitter and unreasonable imaginings. But a home of love awaits you in your native England. My tenderness and affection must soothe you; the society of Raymond’s friends will be of more solace than these dreary speculations. We will all make it our first care, our dearest task, to contribute to your happiness.”

“You express your feelings, Perdita,” I said, “with strong words, but that feeling is selfish and beneath you. You've often agreed with me that there's only one way to solve the complex puzzle of life: to better ourselves and help others find happiness. Yet now, at the prime of your life, you're abandoning those beliefs and shutting yourself away in pointless solitude. Will you think of Raymond any less at Windsor, the place where you were happiest? Will you connect less with his spirit while you look after and nurture the rare qualities of his child? You've been deeply affected; it's no surprise that a sense of madness has pushed you to harsh and irrational thoughts. But a loving home is waiting for you in England. My care and affection will comfort you; being with Raymond’s friends will be more comforting than these gloomy thoughts. We will all prioritize your happiness as our most important task.”

Perdita shook her head; “If it could be so,” she replied, “I were much in the wrong to disdain your offers. But it is not a matter of choice; I can live here only. I am a part of this scene; each and all its properties are a part of me. This is no sudden fancy; I live by it. The knowledge that I am here, rises with me in the morning, and enables me to endure the light; it is mingled with my food, which else were poison; it walks, it sleeps with me, for ever it accompanies me. Here I may even cease to repine, and may add my tardy consent to the decree which has taken him from me. He would rather have died such a death, which will be recorded in history to endless time, than have lived to old age unknown, unhonoured. Nor can I desire better, than, having been the chosen and beloved of his heart, here, in youth’s prime, before added years can tarnish the best feelings of my nature, to watch his tomb, and speedily rejoin him in his blessed repose.

Perdita shook her head. “If it could be that way,” she replied, “I would be wrong to reject your offers. But it’s not about choice; I can only live here. I’m part of this scene, and everything about it is part of me. This isn’t just a whim; I depend on it. The knowledge that I’m here wakes up with me in the morning and helps me bear the light of day; it’s mixed into my food, which would otherwise be poison; it walks and sleeps with me, always with me. Here, I can even stop feeling sorry for myself and accept the fact that he’s gone. He would have preferred to die in a way that would be remembered in history forever than to grow old unknown and unappreciated. I can’t wish for anything better than having been the one he chose and loved, here, in the prime of my youth, before time can dull my best feelings, to watch over his tomb and soon follow him into his peaceful rest.”

“So much, my dearest Lionel, I have said, wishing to persuade you that I do right. If you are unconvinced, I can add nothing further by way of argument, and I can only declare my fixed resolve. I stay here; force only can remove me. Be it so; drag me away—I return; confine me, imprison me, still I escape, and come here. Or would my brother rather devote the heart-broken Perdita to the straw and chains of a maniac, than suffer her to rest in peace beneath the shadow of His society, in this my own selected and beloved recess?”—

“So much, my dearest Lionel, I've said, hoping to convince you that I’m doing the right thing. If you’re still not convinced, I can't add anything else to argue my case, and I’ll only express my determination. I’m staying here; only force can make me leave. So be it; drag me away—I’ll come back; confine me, imprison me, and I’ll still find a way to escape and return here. Or would my brother prefer to throw the heartbroken Perdita into the straw and chains of a madman, rather than allow her to find peace under the company of His presence, in this place I’ve chosen and love?”—

All this appeared to me, I own, methodized madness. I imagined, that it was my imperative duty to take her from scenes that thus forcibly reminded her of her loss. Nor did I doubt, that in the tranquillity of our family circle at Windsor, she would recover some degree of composure, and in the end, of happiness. My affection for Clara also led me to oppose these fond dreams of cherished grief; her sensibility had already been too much excited; her infant heedlessness too soon exchanged for deep and anxious thought. The strange and romantic scheme of her mother, might confirm and perpetuate the painful view of life, which had intruded itself thus early on her contemplation.

All this seemed to me like organized madness. I believed it was my duty to take her away from places that harshly reminded her of her loss. I was confident that in the calm of our family home in Windsor, she would regain some sense of peace, and eventually, happiness. My love for Clara also pushed me to challenge these comforting dreams of sorrow; her sensitivity had already been too greatly stirred, and her innocent carefreeness had too quickly turned into deep worry. Her mother’s strange and romantic plans might reinforce and prolong the painful perspective on life that had already entered her mind so early.

On returning home, the captain of the steam packet with whom I had agreed to sail, came to tell me, that accidental circumstances hastened his departure, and that, if I went with him, I must come on board at five on the following morning. I hastily gave my consent to this arrangement, and as hastily formed a plan through which Perdita should be forced to become my companion. I believe that most people in my situation would have acted in the same manner. Yet this consideration does not, or rather did not in after time, diminish the reproaches of my conscience. At the moment, I felt convinced that I was acting for the best, and that all I did was right and even necessary.

When I got home, the captain of the steam packet I had agreed to sail with came to tell me that some unexpected circumstances sped up his departure, and if I wanted to go with him, I needed to be on board by five the next morning. I quickly agreed to this plan and just as quickly came up with a way to make sure Perdita would accompany me. I think most people in my position would have done the same. Still, this didn’t, or rather didn’t later, lessen the guilt I felt. At that moment, I was sure I was doing the right thing and that everything I did was necessary.

I sat with Perdita and soothed her, by my seeming assent to her wild scheme. She received my concurrence with pleasure, and a thousand times over thanked her deceiving, deceitful brother. As night came on, her spirits, enlivened by my unexpected concession, regained an almost forgotten vivacity. I pretended to be alarmed by the feverish glow in her cheek; I entreated her to take a composing draught; I poured out the medicine, which she took docilely from me. I watched her as she drank it. Falsehood and artifice are in themselves so hateful, that, though I still thought I did right, a feeling of shame and guilt came painfully upon me. I left her, and soon heard that she slept soundly under the influence of the opiate I had administered. She was carried thus unconscious on board; the anchor weighed, and the wind being favourable, we stood far out to sea; with all the canvas spread, and the power of the engine to assist, we scudded swiftly and steadily through the chafed element.

I sat with Perdita and comforted her by seemingly agreeing to her wild plan. She happily accepted my support and thanked her deceitful brother a thousand times. As night fell, her mood brightened by my unexpected agreement, she regained an almost forgotten energy. I pretended to be worried about the feverish glow in her cheeks; I urged her to take a calming drink. I poured out the medicine, which she took from me without hesitation. I watched her as she drank it. Dishonesty and trickery are so distasteful that, even though I still believed I was doing the right thing, I felt a painful sense of shame and guilt. I left her, and soon learned that she slept soundly under the effect of the drug I had given her. She was carried unconscious on board; the anchor was raised, and with a favorable wind, we sailed far out to sea; with all the sails up and the engine assisting, we moved swiftly and steadily through the choppy water.

It was late in the day before Perdita awoke, and a longer time elapsed before recovering from the torpor occasioned by the laudanum, she perceived her change of situation. She started wildly from her couch, and flew to the cabin window. The blue and troubled sea sped past the vessel, and was spread shoreless around: the sky was covered by a rack, which in its swift motion shewed how speedily she was borne away. The creaking of the masts, the clang of the wheels, the tramp above, all persuaded her that she was already far from the shores of Greece.—“Where are we?” she cried, “where are we going?”—

It was late in the day when Perdita woke up, and it took her a while to shake off the daze caused by the laudanum before she realized her change of surroundings. She jumped up from her couch and rushed to the cabin window. The blue, turbulent sea rushed past the ship, stretching out endlessly around her: the sky was filled with clouds, and their fast movement showed how quickly she was being taken away. The creaking of the masts, the clanging of the wheels, and the footsteps above all made her feel that she was already far from the shores of Greece. “Where are we?” she shouted, “where are we going?”

The attendant whom I had stationed to watch her, replied, “to England.”—

The attendant I had assigned to keep an eye on her replied, “to England.”

“And my brother?”—

"And my brother?"

“Is on deck, Madam.”

“Is ready, Madam.”

“Unkind! unkind!” exclaimed the poor victim, as with a deep sigh she looked on the waste of waters. Then without further remark, she threw herself on her couch, and closing her eyes remained motionless; so that but for the deep sighs that burst from her, it would have seemed that she slept.

“Cruel! So cruel!” cried the poor victim, as she sighed deeply while looking at the vast expanse of water. Then, without saying anything more, she threw herself onto her couch, closed her eyes, and stayed still; if not for the deep sighs escaping her, it would have seemed like she was sleeping.

As soon as I heard that she had spoken, I sent Clara to her, that the sight of the lovely innocent might inspire gentle and affectionate thoughts. But neither the presence of her child, nor a subsequent visit from me, could rouse my sister. She looked on Clara with a countenance of woful meaning, but she did not speak. When I appeared, she turned away, and in reply to my enquiries, only said, “You know not what you have done!”—I trusted that this sullenness betokened merely the struggle between disappointment and natural affection, and that in a few days she would be reconciled to her fate.

As soon as I heard she had spoken, I sent Clara to her, hoping the sight of the lovely innocent would spark gentle and loving thoughts. But neither Clara's presence nor my later visit could awaken my sister. She looked at Clara with a pained expression but didn't say a word. When I showed up, she turned away, and in response to my questions, all she said was, “You have no idea what you’ve done!”—I hoped that her silence was just the battle between disappointment and natural affection, and that in a few days, she would make peace with her situation.

When night came on, she begged that Clara might sleep in a separate cabin. Her servant, however, remained with her. About midnight she spoke to the latter, saying that she had had a bad dream, and bade her go to her daughter, and bring word whether she rested quietly. The woman obeyed.

When night fell, she requested that Clara sleep in a different cabin. However, her servant stayed with her. Around midnight, she told the servant that she had a bad dream and asked her to check on her daughter and see if she was sleeping peacefully. The woman complied.

The breeze, that had flagged since sunset, now rose again. I was on deck, enjoying our swift progress. The quiet was disturbed only by the rush of waters as they divided before the steady keel, the murmur of the moveless and full sails, the wind whistling in the shrouds, and the regular motion of the engine. The sea was gently agitated, now shewing a white crest, and now resuming an uniform hue; the clouds had disappeared; and dark ether clipt the broad ocean, in which the constellations vainly sought their accustomed mirror. Our rate could not have been less than eight knots.

The breeze, which had died down since sunset, picked up again. I was on deck, enjoying our quick pace. The only sounds breaking the silence were the rush of water splitting in front of the steady keel, the soft murmur of the still, full sails, the wind whistling through the rigging, and the steady motion of the engine. The sea was gently stirred, showing a white crest at times, then settling back to a uniform color; the clouds had vanished, and the dark sky enveloped the wide ocean, where the stars vainly searched for their usual reflection. We were definitely moving at no less than eight knots.

Suddenly I heard a splash in the sea. The sailors on watch rushed to the side of the vessel, with the cry—some one gone overboard. “It is not from deck,” said the man at the helm, “something has been thrown from the aft cabin.” A call for the boat to be lowered was echoed from the deck. I rushed into my sister’s cabin; it was empty.

Suddenly, I heard a splash in the ocean. The sailors on duty rushed to the side of the ship, shouting that someone had gone overboard. “It didn’t come from the deck,” said the guy at the helm, “something was thrown from the back cabin.” A call to lower the boat came from the deck. I ran into my sister’s cabin; it was empty.

With sails abaft, the engine stopt, the vessel remained unwillingly stationary, until, after an hour’s search, my poor Perdita was brought on board. But no care could re-animate her, no medicine cause her dear eyes to open, and the blood to flow again from her pulseless heart. One clenched hand contained a slip of paper, on which was written, “To Athens.” To ensure her removal thither, and prevent the irrecoverable loss of her body in the wide sea, she had had the precaution to fasten a long shawl round her waist, and again to the staunchions of the cabin window. She had drifted somewhat under the keel of the vessel, and her being out of sight occasioned the delay in finding her. And thus the ill-starred girl died a victim to my senseless rashness. Thus, in early day, she left us for the company of the dead, and preferred to share the rocky grave of Raymond, before the animated scene this cheerful earth afforded, and the society of loving friends. Thus in her twenty-ninth year she died; having enjoyed some few years of the happiness of paradise, and sustaining a reverse to which her impatient spirit and affectionate disposition were unable to submit. As I marked the placid expression that had settled on her countenance in death, I felt, in spite of the pangs of remorse, in spite of heart-rending regret, that it was better to die so, than to drag on long, miserable years of repining and inconsolable grief. Stress of weather drove us up the Adriatic Gulph; and, our vessel being hardly fitted to weather a storm, we took refuge in the port of Ancona. Here I met Georgio Palli, the vice-admiral of the Greek fleet, a former friend and warm partizan of Raymond. I committed the remains of my lost Perdita to his care, for the purpose of having them transported to Hymettus, and placed in the cell her Raymond already occupied beneath the pyramid. This was all accomplished even as I wished. She reposed beside her beloved, and the tomb above was inscribed with the united names of Raymond and Perdita.

With the sails set behind us and the engine stopped, the boat stayed stuck in place until, after an hour of searching, my poor Perdita was finally brought on board. But no amount of care could bring her back to life, and no medicine could make her precious eyes open again or revive her lifeless heart. One of her clenched hands held a note that said, "To Athens." To make sure she was taken there and to prevent her body from being lost to the sea, she had the foresight to tie a long shawl around her waist, fastening it to the cabin window's supports. She had drifted slightly beneath the boat, and being out of sight caused the delay in finding her. Thus, the ill-fated girl died because of my reckless actions. So, early in the day, she left us for the company of the dead, choosing to share the rocky grave of Raymond instead of enjoying the lively scene this cheerful world offered and the company of loving friends. She died in her twenty-ninth year, having experienced a few years of paradise's happiness, but unable to endure the downfall that her impatient spirit and loving nature couldn’t handle. As I looked at the peaceful look that had settled on her face in death, I felt, despite the pain of remorse and heart-wrenching regret, that it was better for her to die this way than to endure long, miserable years of sorrow and unending grief. Bad weather pushed us up the Adriatic Gulf, and since our vessel wasn't really equipped to handle a storm, we sought refuge in the port of Ancona. Here, I met Georgio Palli, the vice-admiral of the Greek fleet, a former friend and fierce supporter of Raymond. I entrusted the remains of my lost Perdita to him to have them transported to Hymettus and laid to rest in the grave already occupied by her Raymond beneath the pyramid. Everything was done just as I wished. She rested beside her beloved, and the tomb above was engraved with the combined names of Raymond and Perdita.

I then came to a resolution of pursuing our journey to England overland. My own heart was racked by regrets and remorse. The apprehension, that Raymond had departed for ever, that his name, blended eternally with the past, must be erased from every anticipation of the future, had come slowly upon me. I had always admired his talents; his noble aspirations; his grand conceptions of the glory and majesty of his ambition: his utter want of mean passions; his fortitude and daring. In Greece I had learnt to love him; his very waywardness, and self-abandonment to the impulses of superstition, attached me to him doubly; it might be weakness, but it was the antipodes of all that was grovelling and selfish. To these pangs were added the loss of Perdita, lost through my own accursed self-will and conceit. This dear one, my sole relation; whose progress I had marked from tender childhood through the varied path of life, and seen her throughout conspicuous for integrity, devotion, and true affection; for all that constitutes the peculiar graces of the female character, and beheld her at last the victim of too much loving, too constant an attachment to the perishable and lost, she, in her pride of beauty and life, had thrown aside the pleasant perception of the apparent world for the unreality of the grave, and had left poor Clara quite an orphan. I concealed from this beloved child that her mother’s death was voluntary, and tried every means to awaken cheerfulness in her sorrow-stricken spirit.

I then decided to continue our journey to England by land. My heart was filled with regret and guilt. The fear that Raymond was gone forever, that his name would be forever tied to the past and erased from any vision of the future, settled in slowly. I had always admired his talents, his noble ambitions, and his grand visions of glory. He had no petty desires, and I respected his courage and daring. In Greece, I learned to love him; his unpredictable nature and his surrender to superstitions drew me to him even more. It may have been a weakness, but it was the opposite of everything that was small-minded and selfish. Along with these pains was the loss of Perdita, which I brought on myself through my own stubbornness and arrogance. This dear one, my only family, whose growth I had watched from childhood through the ups and downs of life, stood out for her integrity, devotion, and true affection—all the qualities that make a woman truly graceful. In the end, she became a victim of too much love, too strong of a bond to what was fleeting and lost. In her pride of beauty and life, she had turned away from the joys of the living world for the emptiness of death, leaving poor Clara completely orphaned. I hid from this beloved child that her mother’s death was intentional, and I did everything I could to bring some cheer to her grieving heart.

One of my first acts for the recovery even of my own composure, was to bid farewell to the sea. Its hateful splash renewed again and again to my sense the death of my sister; its roar was a dirge; in every dark hull that was tossed on its inconstant bosom, I imaged a bier, that would convey to death all who trusted to its treacherous smiles. Farewell to the sea! Come, my Clara, sit beside me in this aerial bark; quickly and gently it cleaves the azure serene, and with soft undulation glides upon the current of the air; or, if storm shake its fragile mechanism, the green earth is below; we can descend, and take shelter on the stable continent. Here aloft, the companions of the swift-winged birds, we skim through the unresisting element, fleetly and fearlessly. The light boat heaves not, nor is opposed by death-bearing waves; the ether opens before the prow, and the shadow of the globe that upholds it, shelters us from the noon-day sun. Beneath are the plains of Italy, or the vast undulations of the wave-like Apennines: fertility reposes in their many folds, and woods crown the summits. The free and happy peasant, unshackled by the Austrian, bears the double harvest to the garner; and the refined citizens rear without dread the long blighted tree of knowledge in this garden of the world. We were lifted above the Alpine peaks, and from their deep and brawling ravines entered the plain of fair France, and after an airy journey of six days, we landed at Dieppe, furled the feathered wings, and closed the silken globe of our little pinnace. A heavy rain made this mode of travelling now incommodious; so we embarked in a steam-packet, and after a short passage landed at Portsmouth.

One of the first things I did to regain my composure was to say goodbye to the sea. Its annoying splashes constantly reminded me of my sister’s death; its roar felt like a funeral song. In every dark boat tossed on its unpredictable waves, I imagined a coffin that would carry away anyone who trusted its deceptive charm. Goodbye to the sea! Come, my Clara, sit beside me in this airship; it swiftly and smoothly glides through the clear blue sky, and with gentle movements, we sail on the air currents. If a storm shakes its delicate structure, the solid ground is below; we can descend and find shelter on stable land. Up here, with the swift-flying birds, we skim through the calm air, quickly and fearlessly. The light boat doesn’t sway, nor does it struggle against deadly waves; the sky opens before us, and the shadow of the earth above protects us from the midday sun. Below are the plains of Italy or the rolling hills of the Apennines: fertility rests in their many folds, and forests crown the peaks. The free and happy peasant, unburdened by the Austrians, brings in the bountiful harvest; and the enlightened citizens grow the long-neglected tree of knowledge in this garden of the world without fear. We soared above the Alpine peaks, and from their deep and roaring valleys, we entered the beautiful plains of France, and after a light journey of six days, we arrived at Dieppe, folded away the feathered wings, and packed up the silken globe of our little boat. A heavy rain made this way of traveling uncomfortable, so we boarded a steamship and after a short trip, we landed at Portsmouth.

A strange story was rife here. A few days before, a tempest-struck vessel had appeared off the town: the hull was parched-looking and cracked, the sails rent, and bent in a careless, unseamanlike manner, the shrouds tangled and broken. She drifted towards the harbour, and was stranded on the sands at the entrance. In the morning the custom-house officers, together with a crowd of idlers, visited her. One only of the crew appeared to have arrived with her. He had got to shore, and had walked a few paces towards the town, and then, vanquished by malady and approaching death, had fallen on the inhospitable beach. He was found stiff, his hands clenched, and pressed against his breast. His skin, nearly black, his matted hair and bristly beard, were signs of a long protracted misery. It was whispered that he had died of the plague. No one ventured on board the vessel, and strange sights were averred to be seen at night, walking the deck, and hanging on the masts and shrouds. She soon went to pieces; I was shewn where she had been, and saw her disjoined timbers tossed on the waves. The body of the man who had landed, had been buried deep in the sands; and none could tell more, than that the vessel was American built, and that several months before the Fortunatas had sailed from Philadelphia, of which no tidings were afterwards received.

A strange story was circulating here. A few days earlier, a storm-battered ship had appeared off the town; its hull looked dried out and cracked, the sails torn and awkwardly bent, and the rigging was tangled and broken. It drifted into the harbor and got stuck in the sand at the entrance. In the morning, the customs officials, along with a crowd of onlookers, went to check it out. Only one crew member seemed to have made it ashore with the ship. He had managed to walk a short distance toward the town but was overcome by illness and impending death, collapsing on the unforgiving beach. He was found lifeless, his hands clenched against his chest. His skin was almost black, and his tangled hair and scruffy beard showed signs of prolonged suffering. It was rumored that he had died of the plague. No one dared to go onboard the ship, and strange sights were reported at night, with figures seen walking the deck and hanging from the masts and rigging. It quickly fell apart; I was shown where it had been and saw its broken timbers tossed about in the waves. The body of the man who had landed was buried deep in the sand, and no one could tell us more than that the ship was built in America, and that a few months earlier, the Fortunatas had set sail from Philadelphia, with no further news ever received.

CHAPTER IV.

I returned to my family estate in the autumn of the year 2092. My heart had long been with them; and I felt sick with the hope and delight of seeing them again. The district which contained them appeared the abode of every kindly spirit. Happiness, love and peace, walked the forest paths, and tempered the atmosphere. After all the agitation and sorrow I had endured in Greece, I sought Windsor, as the storm-driven bird does the nest in which it may fold its wings in tranquillity.

I returned to my family estate in the fall of 2092. My heart had always been with them, and I felt a mix of excitement and anxiety at the thought of seeing them again. The area where they lived felt like the home of every friendly spirit. Happiness, love, and peace walked the forest paths and filled the air. After all the chaos and sadness I faced in Greece, I sought refuge in Windsor, just like a storm-tossed bird looks for a safe nest to rest its wings.

How unwise had the wanderers been, who had deserted its shelter, entangled themselves in the web of society, and entered on what men of the world call “life,”—that labyrinth of evil, that scheme of mutual torture. To live, according to this sense of the word, we must not only observe and learn, we must also feel; we must not be mere spectators of action, we must act; we must not describe, but be subjects of description. Deep sorrow must have been the inmate of our bosoms; fraud must have lain in wait for us; the artful must have deceived us; sickening doubt and false hope must have chequered our days; hilarity and joy, that lap the soul in ecstasy, must at times have possessed us. Who that knows what “life” is, would pine for this feverish species of existence? I have lived. I have spent days and nights of festivity; I have joined in ambitious hopes, and exulted in victory: now,—shut the door on the world, and build high the wall that is to separate me from the troubled scene enacted within its precincts. Let us live for each other and for happiness; let us seek peace in our dear home, near the inland murmur of streams, and the gracious waving of trees, the beauteous vesture of earth, and sublime pageantry of the skies. Let us leave “life,” that we may live.

How unwise the wanderers were, who abandoned its shelter, got caught up in the web of society, and embarked on what people call “life” — that maze of evil, that plan of mutual torture. To live, in this sense, we must not only observe and learn; we must also feel. We can’t just be spectators of action; we must act. We shouldn’t just describe, but be the subject of description. Deep sorrow must have lived in our hearts; deception must have lurked around us; the crafty must have fooled us; nauseating doubt and false hope must have marked our days; joy and happiness, that wrap the soul in ecstasy, must have filled us at times. Who truly understands what “life” is, would long for this frantic way of living? I have lived. I have spent days and nights celebrating; I have shared in ambitious dreams and reveled in success: now — shut the door on the world, and build a high wall to separate me from the chaotic scenes happening within its borders. Let’s live for each other and for happiness; let’s seek peace in our cherished home, near the soft murmur of streams, and the gentle swaying of trees, the beautiful fabric of the earth, and the grand display of the skies. Let’s leave “life,” so we can truly live.

Idris was well content with this resolve of mine. Her native sprightliness needed no undue excitement, and her placid heart reposed contented on my love, the well-being of her children, and the beauty of surrounding nature. Her pride and blameless ambition was to create smiles in all around her, and to shed repose on the fragile existence of her brother. In spite of her tender nursing, the health of Adrian perceptibly declined. Walking, riding, the common occupations of life, overcame him: he felt no pain, but seemed to tremble for ever on the verge of annihilation. Yet, as he had lived on for months nearly in the same state, he did not inspire us with any immediate fear; and, though he talked of death as an event most familiar to his thoughts, he did not cease to exert himself to render others happy, or to cultivate his own astonishing powers of mind. Winter passed away; and spring, led by the months, awakened life in all nature. The forest was dressed in green; the young calves frisked on the new-sprung grass; the wind-winged shadows of light clouds sped over the green cornfields; the hermit cuckoo repeated his monotonous all-hail to the season; the nightingale, bird of love and minion of the evening star, filled the woods with song; while Venus lingered in the warm sunset, and the young green of the trees lay in gentle relief along the clear horizon.

Idris was quite happy with my decision. Her natural liveliness didn’t need any extra excitement, and her calm heart was content with my love, the well-being of her children, and the beauty of the surrounding nature. Her pride and pure ambition were to create smiles for everyone around her and to bring peace to her brother's fragile life. Despite her loving care, Adrian’s health noticeably declined. Simple activities like walking and riding took a toll on him; he felt no pain, but seemed to be constantly on the brink of collapse. However, since he had been in this condition for months, he didn’t worry us too much; and although he often spoke of death as something he was very familiar with, he continued to work hard to make others happy and to develop his own incredible intellectual abilities. Winter passed, and spring, led by the months, stirred life in nature. The forest was lush with green; young calves leaped on the fresh grass; the shadows of light clouds danced over the green cornfields; the hermit cuckoo called out its familiar greeting to the season; the nightingale, the bird of love and evening star’s favorite, filled the woods with song; while Venus lingered in the warm sunset, and the soft green of the trees stood out gently against the clear horizon.

Delight awoke in every heart, delight and exultation; for there was peace through all the world; the temple of Universal Janus was shut, and man died not that year by the hand of man.

Delight awoke in every heart, joy and excitement; for there was peace throughout the world; the temple of Universal Janus was closed, and no one was killed by another person that year.

“Let this last but twelve months,” said Adrian; “and earth will become a Paradise. The energies of man were before directed to the destruction of his species: they now aim at its liberation and preservation. Man cannot repose, and his restless aspirations will now bring forth good instead of evil. The favoured countries of the south will throw off the iron yoke of servitude; poverty will quit us, and with that, sickness. What may not the forces, never before united, of liberty and peace achieve in this dwelling of man?”

“Let this last just twelve months,” said Adrian; “and the world will become a Paradise. People used to focus on destroying each other; now they aim for freedom and survival. Humanity can’t rest, and our restless hopes will now lead to good instead of harm. The fortunate southern countries will shake off the harsh chains of oppression; poverty will leave us, and with it, so will sickness. What incredible things could the united forces of freedom and peace achieve in this world?”

“Dreaming, for ever dreaming, Windsor!” said Ryland, the old adversary of Raymond, and candidate for the Protectorate at the ensuing election. “Be assured that earth is not, nor ever can be heaven, while the seeds of hell are natives of her soil. When the seasons have become equal, when the air breeds no disorders, when its surface is no longer liable to blights and droughts, then sickness will cease; when men’s passions are dead, poverty will depart. When love is no longer akin to hate, then brotherhood will exist: we are very far from that state at present.”

“Always dreaming, Windsor!” said Ryland, Raymond's longtime rival and a candidate for the Protectorate in the upcoming election. “You can be sure that Earth is not, and will never be, paradise as long as the seeds of hell are part of its soil. When the seasons are balanced, when the air is free of illness, when the land is no longer affected by blights and droughts, then sickness will end; when people's passions are gone, poverty will fade. When love is no longer similar to hate, then brotherhood will thrive: we are nowhere near that condition right now.”

“Not so far as you may suppose,” observed a little old astronomer, by name Merrival, “the poles precede slowly, but securely; in an hundred thousand years—”

“Not as far as you might think,” said a little old astronomer named Merrival, “the poles shift slowly, but surely; in a hundred thousand years—”

“We shall all be underground,” said Ryland.

“We'll all be underground,” said Ryland.

“The pole of the earth will coincide with the pole of the ecliptic,” continued the astronomer, “an universal spring will be produced, and earth become a paradise.”

“The pole of the earth will align with the pole of the ecliptic,” the astronomer continued, “an universal spring will emerge, and the earth will turn into a paradise.”

“And we shall of course enjoy the benefit of the change,” said Ryland, contemptuously.

“And we will definitely enjoy the benefits of the change,” Ryland said with disdain.

“We have strange news here,” I observed. I had the newspaper in my hand, and, as usual, had turned to the intelligence from Greece. “It seems that the total destruction of Constantinople, and the supposition that winter had purified the air of the fallen city, gave the Greeks courage to visit its site, and begin to rebuild it. But they tell us that the curse of God is on the place, for every one who has ventured within the walls has been tainted by the plague; that this disease has spread in Thrace and Macedonia; and now, fearing the virulence of infection during the coming heats, a cordon has been drawn on the frontiers of Thessaly, and a strict quarantine exacted.” This intelligence brought us back from the prospect of paradise, held out after the lapse of an hundred thousand years, to the pain and misery at present existent upon earth. We talked of the ravages made last year by pestilence in every quarter of the world; and of the dreadful consequences of a second visitation. We discussed the best means of preventing infection, and of preserving health and activity in a large city thus afflicted—London, for instance. Merrival did not join in this conversation; drawing near Idris, he proceeded to assure her that the joyful prospect of an earthly paradise after an hundred thousand years, was clouded to him by the knowledge that in a certain period of time after, an earthly hell or purgatory, would occur, when the ecliptic and equator would be at right angles.[4] Our party at length broke up; “We are all dreaming this morning,” said Ryland, “it is as wise to discuss the probability of a visitation of the plague in our well-governed metropolis, as to calculate the centuries which must escape before we can grow pine-apples here in the open air.”

“We have some strange news here,” I said. I had the newspaper in my hand and, as usual, had turned to the news from Greece. “It looks like the complete destruction of Constantinople, along with the idea that winter has cleared the air of the fallen city, has encouraged the Greeks to visit the site and start rebuilding. But they say that God’s curse is on the place, as everyone who has dared to enter the walls has been infected with the plague; this disease has spread in Thrace and Macedonia; and now, worried about the severity of the infection in the coming heat, a cordon has been set up on the borders of Thessaly, and strict quarantine measures are in place.” This news pulled us back from the vision of paradise that was promised after a hundred thousand years to the suffering and misery currently present on earth. We talked about the devastation caused by disease last year in every part of the world; and the terrible consequences of a second outbreak. We discussed the best ways to prevent infection and maintain health and activity in a large city afflicted in this way—London, for example. Merrival didn’t join in this discussion; instead, he moved closer to Idris and told her that the hopeful vision of an earthly paradise after a hundred thousand years was overshadowed for him by the awareness that shortly after, an earthly hell or purgatory would arise, when the ecliptic and equator would be at right angles.[4] Eventually, our group broke up; “We’re all dreaming this morning,” said Ryland, “it’s just as reasonable to discuss the likelihood of a plague outbreak in our well-governed city as it is to calculate the centuries that must pass before we can grow pineapples here in the open air.”

But, though it seemed absurd to calculate upon the arrival of the plague in London, I could not reflect without extreme pain on the desolation this evil would cause in Greece. The English for the most part talked of Thrace and Macedonia, as they would of a lunar territory, which, unknown to them, presented no distinct idea or interest to the minds. I had trod the soil. The faces of many of the inhabitants were familiar to me; in the towns, plains, hills, and defiles of these countries, I had enjoyed unspeakable delight, as I journied through them the year before. Some romantic village, some cottage, or elegant abode there situated, inhabited by the lovely and the good, rose before my mental sight, and the question haunted me, is the plague there also?—That same invincible monster, which hovered over and devoured Constantinople—that fiend more cruel than tempest, less tame than fire, is, alas, unchained in that beautiful country—these reflections would not allow me to rest.

But even though it seemed ridiculous to think about the plague arriving in London, I couldn't help but feel deep sadness about the destruction it would bring to Greece. Most English people talked about Thrace and Macedonia as if they were distant lands on the moon, which to them were just vague concepts with no real significance. I had walked on that soil. I recognized the faces of many locals; in the towns, fields, hills, and valleys of those regions, I had experienced incredible joy as I traveled through them the year before. A charming village, a cottage, or a lovely house there filled with wonderful people came to mind, and I couldn't shake the question: is the plague there too?—That same unstoppable monster that loomed over and consumed Constantinople—that fiend more brutal than a storm, less controllable than fire, is, sadly, unleashed in that beautiful country—these thoughts wouldn’t let me find peace.

The political state of England became agitated as the time drew near when the new Protector was to be elected. This event excited the more interest, since it was the current report, that if the popular candidate (Ryland) should be chosen, the question of the abolition of hereditary rank, and other feudal relics, would come under the consideration of parliament. Not a word had been spoken during the present session on any of these topics. Every thing would depend upon the choice of a Protector, and the elections of the ensuing year. Yet this very silence was awful, shewing the deep weight attributed to the question; the fear of either party to hazard an ill-timed attack, and the expectation of a furious contention when it should begin.

The political situation in England became tense as the time approached for the election of the new Protector. This event generated significant interest, especially since there was a widespread belief that if the popular candidate (Ryland) was elected, the issue of abolishing hereditary titles and other feudal traditions would be brought up in parliament. No one had mentioned any of these topics during the current session. Everything hinged on the choice of a Protector and the elections coming up next year. Yet, this very silence was alarming, indicating how serious the issue was; both sides were hesitant to make a premature move, and there was an expectation of intense conflict when the discussions finally started.

But although St. Stephen’s did not echo with the voice which filled each heart, the newspapers teemed with nothing else; and in private companies the conversation however remotely begun, soon verged towards this central point, while voices were lowered and chairs drawn closer. The nobles did not hesitate to express their fear; the other party endeavoured to treat the matter lightly. “Shame on the country,” said Ryland, “to lay so much stress upon words and frippery; it is a question of nothing; of the new painting of carriage-pannels and the embroidery of footmen’s coats.”

But even though St. Stephen's wasn't filled with the voice that resonated in everyone's heart, the newspapers were full of it; and in private gatherings, conversations, no matter how they started, quickly focused on this main issue, with voices lowering and chairs being moved closer together. The nobles didn't hold back their fear; the other side tried to dismiss the matter as trivial. "Shame on the country," said Ryland, "for putting so much emphasis on words and nonsense; this is a question of nothing—just the repainting of carriage panels and the embroidery on footmen's coats."

Yet could England indeed doff her lordly trappings, and be content with the democratic style of America? Were the pride of ancestry, the patrician spirit, the gentle courtesies and refined pursuits, splendid attributes of rank, to be erased among us? We were told that this would not be the case; that we were by nature a poetical people, a nation easily duped by words, ready to array clouds in splendour, and bestow honour on the dust. This spirit we could never lose; and it was to diffuse this concentrated spirit of birth, that the new law was to be brought forward. We were assured that, when the name and title of Englishman was the sole patent of nobility, we should all be noble; that when no man born under English sway, felt another his superior in rank, courtesy and refinement would become the birth-right of all our countrymen. Let not England be so far disgraced, as to have it imagined that it can be without nobles, nature’s true nobility, who bear their patent in their mien, who are from their cradle elevated above the rest of their species, because they are better than the rest. Among a race of independent, and generous, and well educated men, in a country where the imagination is empress of men’s minds, there needs be no fear that we should want a perpetual succession of the high-born and lordly. That party, however, could hardly yet be considered a minority in the kingdom, who extolled the ornament of the column, “the Corinthian capital of polished society;” they appealed to prejudices without number, to old attachments and young hopes; to the expectation of thousands who might one day become peers; they set up as a scarecrow, the spectre of all that was sordid, mechanic and base in the commercial republics.

Yet can England really shed her noble trappings and embrace the democratic style of America? Would we erase the pride of our heritage, the noble spirit, the polite courtesies, and the refined pursuits that come with rank? We were told that wouldn’t happen; that we are naturally a poetic people, easily swayed by words, ready to adorn clouds with grandeur and honor mere dust. This spirit could never be lost; it was the reason the new law was proposed. We were assured that when being an Englishman was the only mark of nobility, we would all be noble; that when no one born under English rule felt superior in rank, courtesy and refinement would become the birthright of all our citizens. Let’s not disgrace England by suggesting it can exist without nobles, true nobility of nature, who carry their status in their demeanor, who are elevated from birth above the rest because they are truly better. Among a community of independent, generous, and educated individuals, in a country where imagination rules minds, there should be no fear of lacking a continuous line of the high-born and distinguished. However, that group cannot yet be seen as a minority in the kingdom, who praised the embellishment of the column, “the Corinthian capital of polished society;” they appealed to countless biases, to old loyalties and new dreams; to the hopes of thousands who might one day become peers; they conjured up the nightmare of everything sordid, mechanical, and low in the commercial republics.

The plague had come to Athens. Hundreds of English residents returned to their own country. Raymond’s beloved Athenians, the free, the noble people of the divinest town in Greece, fell like ripe corn before the merciless sickle of the adversary. Its pleasant places were deserted; its temples and palaces were converted into tombs; its energies, bent before towards the highest objects of human ambition, were now forced to converge to one point, the guarding against the innumerous arrows of the plague.

The plague had hit Athens. Hundreds of English residents returned to their home country. Raymond's cherished Athenians, the free and noble people of the most beautiful city in Greece, fell like ripe corn to the merciless sickle of the enemy. Its lovely spots were empty; its temples and palaces turned into tombs; its once vibrant energies, which had aimed for the highest goals of human ambition, were now focused solely on defending against the countless arrows of the plague.

At any other time this disaster would have excited extreme compassion among us; but it was now passed over, while each mind was engaged by the coming controversy. It was not so with me; and the question of rank and right dwindled to insignificance in my eyes, when I pictured the scene of suffering Athens. I heard of the death of only sons; of wives and husbands most devoted; of the rending of ties twisted with the heart’s fibres, of friend losing friend, and young mothers mourning for their first born; and these moving incidents were grouped and painted in my mind by the knowledge of the persons, by my esteem and affection for the sufferers. It was the admirers, friends, fellow soldiers of Raymond, families that had welcomed Perdita to Greece, and lamented with her the loss of her lord, that were swept away, and went to dwell with them in the undistinguishing tomb.

At any other time, this disaster would have stirred deep compassion in us; but now it was overlooked while everyone focused on the upcoming argument. That wasn't the case for me; the issues of rank and rights seemed trivial when I imagined the suffering in Athens. I heard about the deaths of only sons, devoted husbands and wives, the tearing apart of bonds that were woven with the heart’s threads, friends losing each other, and young mothers grieving for their firstborns. These heart-wrenching stories were vividly painted in my mind by my knowledge of the individuals involved and my respect and love for those who were suffering. It was the admirers, friends, fellow soldiers of Raymond, and families who had welcomed Perdita to Greece and mourned with her over the loss of her husband that were lost, and they went on to share a resting place in the indiscriminate grave.

The plague at Athens had been preceded and caused by the contagion from the East; and the scene of havoc and death continued to be acted there, on a scale of fearful magnitude. A hope that the visitation of the present year would prove the last, kept up the spirits of the merchants connected with these countries; but the inhabitants were driven to despair, or to a resignation which, arising from fanaticism, assumed the same dark hue. America had also received the taint; and, were it yellow fever or plague, the epidemic was gifted with a virulence before unfelt. The devastation was not confined to the towns, but spread throughout the country; the hunter died in the woods, the peasant in the corn-fields, and the fisher on his native waters.

The plague in Athens had been caused by contamination from the East, and the destruction and death there continued on a terrifying scale. Merchants connected to these regions held onto hope that this year's outbreak would be the last, but the residents were pushed to despair or a resignation that, fueled by fanaticism, took on the same dark tone. America was also affected; whether it was yellow fever or the plague, the epidemic had a severity that had never been experienced before. The destruction wasn't limited to the cities; it spread throughout the countryside, with hunters dying in the woods, peasants in the fields, and fishermen in their own waters.

A strange story was brought to us from the East, to which little credit would have been given, had not the fact been attested by a multitude of witnesses, in various parts of the world. On the twenty-first of June, it was said that an hour before noon, a black sun arose: an orb, the size of that luminary, but dark, defined, whose beams were shadows, ascended from the west; in about an hour it had reached the meridian, and eclipsed the bright parent of day. Night fell upon every country, night, sudden, rayless, entire. The stars came out, shedding their ineffectual glimmerings on the light-widowed earth. But soon the dim orb passed from over the sun, and lingered down the eastern heaven. As it descended, its dusky rays crossed the brilliant ones of the sun, and deadened or distorted them. The shadows of things assumed strange and ghastly shapes. The wild animals in the woods took fright at the unknown shapes figured on the ground. They fled they knew not whither; and the citizens were filled with greater dread, at the convulsion which “shook lions into civil streets;”—birds, strong-winged eagles, suddenly blinded, fell in the market-places, while owls and bats shewed themselves welcoming the early night. Gradually the object of fear sank beneath the horizon, and to the last shot up shadowy beams into the otherwise radiant air. Such was the tale sent us from Asia, from the eastern extremity of Europe, and from Africa as far west as the Golden Coast. Whether this story were true or not, the effects were certain. Through Asia, from the banks of the Nile to the shores of the Caspian, from the Hellespont even to the sea of Oman, a sudden panic was driven. The men filled the mosques; the women, veiled, hastened to the tombs, and carried offerings to the dead, thus to preserve the living. The plague was forgotten, in this new fear which the black sun had spread; and, though the dead multiplied, and the streets of Ispahan, of Pekin, and of Delhi were strewed with pestilence-struck corpses, men passed on, gazing on the ominous sky, regardless of the death beneath their feet. The christians sought their churches,—christian maidens, even at the feast of roses, clad in white, with shining veils, sought, in long procession, the places consecrated to their religion, filling the air with their hymns; while, ever and anon, from the lips of some poor mourner in the crowd, a voice of wailing burst, and the rest looked up, fancying they could discern the sweeping wings of angels, who passed over the earth, lamenting the disasters about to fall on man.

A strange story came to us from the East, which might not have been taken seriously if it hadn’t been confirmed by numerous witnesses from different parts of the world. On June 21st, it was reported that an hour before noon, a black sun appeared: a sphere, the same size as the sun, but dark and distinct, whose rays were shadows, rose in the west; within about an hour, it reached the highest point in the sky and eclipsed the bright sun. Night suddenly fell over every country—instantaneous, dark, and complete. The stars emerged, casting their feeble light on the earth that had lost its brightness. But soon, the dim orb moved away from the sun, drifting down into the eastern sky. As it descended, its dusky rays mingled with the brilliant sunlight, dulling or distorting it. Shadows took on strange and eerie shapes. Wild animals in the woods were startled by the unfamiliar figures on the ground. They ran off, not knowing where to go; the people were filled with even greater fear at the upheaval that “shook lions into city streets” — strong-winged eagles, suddenly blinded, fell in the marketplaces, while owls and bats emerged, welcoming the early night. Gradually, the source of their fear sank below the horizon, sending shadowy rays into the otherwise bright sky. Such was the tale we received from Asia, from the far eastern edge of Europe, and from Africa as far west as the Gold Coast. Whether this story was true or not, the effects were real. Across Asia, from the banks of the Nile to the shores of the Caspian, from the Hellespont to the sea of Oman, a sudden panic spread. Men filled the mosques; veiled women hurried to tombs, bringing offerings for the dead in hopes of preserving the living. The plague was forgotten in this new fear that the black sun had caused; and while the death toll rose, and the streets of Ispahan, Beijing, and Delhi were littered with bodies struck by disease, people walked on, gazing at the ominous sky, oblivious to the death around their feet. Christians sought their churches—Christian maidens, even at the rose festival, dressed in white with shining veils, formed long processions to the places sacred to their faith, filling the air with their hymns; but now and then, a voice of mourning would rise from some grief-stricken person in the crowd, prompting others to look up, imagining they could see the sweeping wings of angels passing over the earth, lamenting the disasters about to befall humanity.

In the sunny clime of Persia, in the crowded cities of China, amidst the aromatic groves of Cashmere, and along the southern shores of the Mediterranean, such scenes had place. Even in Greece the tale of the sun of darkness encreased the fears and despair of the dying multitude. We, in our cloudy isle, were far removed from danger, and the only circumstance that brought these disasters at all home to us, was the daily arrival of vessels from the east, crowded with emigrants, mostly English; for the Moslems, though the fear of death was spread keenly among them, still clung together; that, if they were to die (and if they were, death would as readily meet them on the homeless sea, or in far England, as in Persia,)— if they were to die, their bones might rest in earth made sacred by the relics of true believers. Mecca had never before been so crowded with pilgrims; yet the Arabs neglected to pillage the caravans, but, humble and weaponless, they joined the procession, praying Mahomet to avert plague from their tents and deserts.

In the sunny land of Persia, in the bustling cities of China, among the fragrant groves of Cashmere, and along the southern shores of the Mediterranean, such scenes took place. Even in Greece, the story of the sun of darkness heightened the fears and despair of the dying crowd. We, in our cloudy isle, were far removed from danger, and the only thing that connected us to these disasters was the daily arrival of ships from the east, filled with immigrants, mostly English; for the Muslims, though filled with the fear of death, still stuck together. If they were to die (and if they were, death would meet them just as easily on the homeless sea or in distant England as in Persia)—if they were to die, they wanted their bones to rest in earth made sacred by the relics of true believers. Mecca had never been so crowded with pilgrims; yet the Arabs didn’t loot the caravans. Instead, humble and unarmed, they joined the procession, praying to Muhammad to keep disease away from their tents and deserts.

I cannot describe the rapturous delight with which I turned from political brawls at home, and the physical evils of distant countries, to my own dear home, to the selected abode of goodness and love; to peace, and the interchange of every sacred sympathy. Had I never quitted Windsor, these emotions would not have been so intense; but I had in Greece been the prey of fear and deplorable change; in Greece, after a period of anxiety and sorrow, I had seen depart two, whose very names were the symbol of greatness and virtue. But such miseries could never intrude upon the domestic circle left to me, while, secluded in our beloved forest, we passed our lives in tranquillity. Some small change indeed the progress of years brought here; and time, as it is wont, stamped the traces of mortality on our pleasures and expectations. Idris, the most affectionate wife, sister and friend, was a tender and loving mother. The feeling was not with her as with many, a pastime; it was a passion. We had had three children; one, the second in age, died while I was in Greece. This had dashed the triumphant and rapturous emotions of maternity with grief and fear. Before this event, the little beings, sprung from herself, the young heirs of her transient life, seemed to have a sure lease of existence; now she dreaded that the pitiless destroyer might snatch her remaining darlings, as it had snatched their brother. The least illness caused throes of terror; she was miserable if she were at all absent from them; her treasure of happiness she had garnered in their fragile being, and kept forever on the watch, lest the insidious thief should as before steal these valued gems. She had fortunately small cause for fear. Alfred, now nine years old, was an upright, manly little fellow, with radiant brow, soft eyes, and gentle, though independent disposition. Our youngest was yet in infancy; but his downy cheek was sprinkled with the roses of health, and his unwearied vivacity filled our halls with innocent laughter.

I can't describe the overwhelming joy I felt when I turned away from political fights at home and the harsh realities of distant lands, back to my beloved home, a chosen place of kindness and love; a sanctuary of peace and heartfelt connections. If I hadn't left Windsor, these feelings wouldn't have been so strong; but in Greece, I had been consumed by fear and disturbing changes. After a time of worry and sadness in Greece, I watched two people leave my life, whose very names represented greatness and virtue. But such sorrows could never intrude upon my family circle that was left to me, while we secluded ourselves in our cherished forest, living a life of tranquility. Some small changes had indeed come with the passage of years, and, as time usually does, it marked our joys and hopes with reminders of mortality. Idris, the most loving wife, sister, and friend, was a nurturing and affectionate mother. For her, motherhood wasn't just a pastime; it was a passion. We had three children; however, the second child passed away while I was in Greece. This devastated the joyful and ecstatic emotions of motherhood with grief and fear. Before this tragedy, the little ones, born from her, seemed to have a guaranteed life ahead; now she feared that the relentless grim reaper would take her remaining treasures, just as it had taken their brother. Even the slightest illness filled her with dread; she was unhappy whenever she was apart from them; her happiness was wrapped up in their fragile lives, and she stayed eternally vigilant to prevent the cunning thief from stealing these precious gems again. Fortunately, she had little to worry about. Alfred, now nine, was an upright, manly little guy, with a bright forehead, soft eyes, and a gentle yet independent spirit. Our youngest was still an infant, but his rosy cheeks shone with health, and his boundless energy filled our home with innocent laughter.

Clara had passed the age which, from its mute ignorance, was the source of the fears of Idris. Clara was dear to her, to all. There was so much intelligence combined with innocence, sensibility with forbearance, and seriousness with perfect good-humour, a beauty so transcendant, united to such endearing simplicity, that she hung like a pearl in the shrine of our possessions, a treasure of wonder and excellence.

Clara had reached an age that, due to its silent obliviousness, caused Idris a lot of anxiety. Clara was cherished by her and by everyone else. She had a blend of intelligence and innocence, sensitivity and patience, along with a serious nature balanced by a delightful sense of humor. Her beauty was so extraordinary, paired with such charming simplicity, that she stood out like a pearl in the treasure chest of our lives, a source of amazement and admiration.

At the beginning of winter our Alfred, now nine years of age, first went to school at Eton. This appeared to him the primary step towards manhood, and he was proportionably pleased. Community of study and amusement developed the best parts of his character, his steady perseverance, generosity, and well-governed firmness. What deep and sacred emotions are excited in a father’s bosom, when he first becomes convinced that his love for his child is not a mere instinct, but worthily bestowed, and that others, less akin, participate his approbation! It was supreme happiness to Idris and myself, to find that the frankness which Alfred’s open brow indicated, the intelligence of his eyes, the tempered sensibility of his tones, were not delusions, but indications of talents and virtues, which would “grow with his growth, and strengthen with his strength.” At this period, the termination of an animal’s love for its offspring,—the true affection of the human parent commences. We no longer look on this dearest part of ourselves, as a tender plant which we must cherish, or a plaything for an idle hour. We build now on his intellectual faculties, we establish our hopes on his moral propensities. His weakness still imparts anxiety to this feeling, his ignorance prevents entire intimacy; but we begin to respect the future man, and to endeavour to secure his esteem, even as if he were our equal. What can a parent have more at heart than the good opinion of his child? In all our transactions with him our honour must be inviolate, the integrity of our relations untainted: fate and circumstance may, when he arrives at maturity, separate us for ever—but, as his aegis in danger, his consolation in hardship, let the ardent youth for ever bear with him through the rough path of life, love and honour for his parents.

At the start of winter, our Alfred, now nine years old, began his first term at Eton. He saw this as a crucial step toward adulthood, and he was understandably excited. Sharing study and fun brought out the best in him—his determination, generosity, and strong character. The feelings that swell in a father's heart when he realizes his love for his child is not just instinctual, but truly meaningful, are profound. It’s even more touching to know that others appreciate him too! Idris and I felt immense happiness to recognize that Alfred’s openness, the intelligence in his eyes, and the sensitivity in his voice were not illusions but signs of real talents and virtues that would “grow with his growth and strengthen with his strength.” At this stage, the nature of parental love shifts from a mere instinct toward nurturing something tender to a deeper, more profound connection. We no longer see this beloved part of ourselves as a delicate plant to nurture or just a plaything for amusement. Now, we focus on his intellectual abilities and build our hopes on his moral character. Although his fragility still worries us, and his lack of understanding keeps us at a distance, we begin to honor the future person he will become and strive to earn his respect, treating him almost as an equal. What could matter more to a parent than their child’s good opinion? In every interaction with him, our honor must remain intact, and our relationships must stay pure. Fate and circumstance might eventually separate us, but we hope that our love and honor will always remain with him throughout the challenges of life.

We had lived so long in the vicinity of Eton, that its population of young folks was well known to us. Many of them had been Alfred’s playmates, before they became his school-fellows. We now watched this youthful congregation with redoubled interest. We marked the difference of character among the boys, and endeavoured to read the future man in the stripling. There is nothing more lovely, to which the heart more yearns than a free-spirited boy, gentle, brave, and generous. Several of the Etonians had these characteristics; all were distinguished by a sense of honour, and spirit of enterprize; in some, as they verged towards manhood, this degenerated into presumption; but the younger ones, lads a little older than our own, were conspicuous for their gallant and sweet dispositions.

We had lived near Eton for so long that we knew the young people there quite well. Many of them had played with Alfred before they became his classmates. We now watched this group of kids with increased interest. We noticed the differences in their personalities and tried to see what kind of men they would become. There’s nothing more delightful, or that the heart longs for more, than a free-spirited boy who is kind, brave, and generous. Several of the Etonians had these qualities; all were marked by a sense of honor and a spirit of adventure; in some, as they approached manhood, this turned into arrogance; but the younger ones, boys just a bit older than our own, stood out for their brave and sweet natures.

Here were the future governors of England; the men, who, when our ardour was cold, and our projects completed or destroyed for ever, when, our drama acted, we doffed the garb of the hour, and assumed the uniform of age, or of more equalizing death; here were the beings who were to carry on the vast machine of society; here were the lovers, husbands, fathers; here the landlord, the politician, the soldier; some fancied that they were even now ready to appear on the stage, eager to make one among the dramatis personae of active life. It was not long since I was like one of these beardless aspirants; when my boy shall have obtained the place I now hold, I shall have tottered into a grey-headed, wrinkled old man. Strange system! riddle of the Sphynx, most awe-striking! that thus man remains, while we the individuals pass away. Such is, to borrow the words of an eloquent and philosophic writer, “the mode of existence decreed to a permanent body composed of transitory parts; wherein, by the disposition of a stupendous wisdom, moulding together the great mysterious incorporation of the human race, the whole, at one time, is never old, or middle-aged, or young, but, in a condition of unchangeable constancy, moves on through the varied tenour of perpetual decay, fall, renovation, and progression.”[5]

Here were the future governors of England; the men who, when our enthusiasm has faded and our projects are either completed or lost forever, when our drama is performed, we take off the attire of the moment and put on the uniform of old age or the more equalizing state of death; here were the individuals who would continue the vast machinery of society; here were the lovers, husbands, fathers; here the landlord, the politician, the soldier; some believed they were ready to step onto the stage, eager to join the cast of active life. Not long ago, I was like one of these young hopefuls; when my son assumes the position I now hold, I will have become a frail, gray-haired old man. Strange system! Riddle of the Sphinx, so awe-inspiring! that man remains, while we, the individuals, pass away. Such is, to borrow the words of an eloquent and philosophical writer, “the mode of existence decreed to a permanent body composed of transitory parts; wherein, by the arrangement of a magnificent wisdom, shaping together the great mysterious collective of the human race, the whole is never old, middle-aged, or young, but, in a state of unchanging constancy, moves through the varied experience of continual decay, decline, renewal, and evolution.”[5]

Willingly do I give place to thee, dear Alfred! advance, offspring of tender love, child of our hopes; advance a soldier on the road to which I have been the pioneer! I will make way for thee. I have already put off the carelessness of childhood, the unlined brow, and springy gait of early years, that they may adorn thee. Advance; and I will despoil myself still further for thy advantage. Time shall rob me of the graces of maturity, shall take the fire from my eyes, and agility from my limbs, shall steal the better part of life, eager expectation and passionate love, and shower them in double portion on thy dear head. Advance! avail thyself of the gift, thou and thy comrades; and in the drama you are about to act, do not disgrace those who taught you to enter on the stage, and to pronounce becomingly the parts assigned to you! May your progress be uninterrupted and secure; born during the spring-tide of the hopes of man, may you lead up the summer to which no winter may succeed!

I'm happy to make way for you, dear Alfred! Step forward, child of love and our dreams; take the path that I have blazed for you! I will clear the way for you. I’ve already let go of the carefree days of childhood, the smooth forehead, and the youthful energy of my early years, so you can shine. Come forward; I’ll give up even more for your benefit. Time will take away the charms of adulthood, dim the light in my eyes, and sap the strength from my limbs, stealing the better part of life—eager hopes and passionate love—and shower them abundantly upon you. Move ahead! Take advantage of this gift, you and your friends; and as you step onto the stage, make sure you honor those who taught you how to do it and to deliver your roles well! May your journey be smooth and secure; born in the spring of human hopes, may you lead us into a summer that never knows winter!

[4] See an ingenious Essay, entitled, “The Mythological Astronomy of the Ancients Demonstrated,” by Mackey, a shoemaker, of Norwich printed in 1822.

[4] Check out a clever essay called “The Mythological Astronomy of the Ancients Demonstrated,” written by Mackey, a shoemaker from Norwich, published in 1822.

[5] Burke’s Reflections on the French Revolution.

[5] Burke’s Thoughts on the French Revolution.

CHAPTER V.

Some disorder had surely crept into the course of the elements, destroying their benignant influence. The wind, prince of air, raged through his kingdom, lashing the sea into fury, and subduing the rebel earth into some sort of obedience.

Some chaos had definitely invaded the natural order, ruining their helpful effects. The wind, ruling over the skies, stormed through his domain, whipping the sea into a frenzy and forcing the rebellious land into a semblance of submission.

The God sends down his angry plagues from high,
Famine and pestilence in heaps they die.
Again in vengeance of his wrath he falls
On their great hosts, and breaks their tottering walls;
Arrests their navies on the ocean’s plain,
And whelms their strength with mountains of the main.[6]

The God sends down His furious plagues from above,
Famine and disease cause them to perish in droves.
Once more, in retaliation for His anger, He strikes
Their massive armies and shatters their shaky walls;
Stops their fleets on the open sea,
And overwhelms their power with waves from the deep.[6]

Their deadly power shook the flourishing countries of the south, and during winter, even, we, in our northern retreat, began to quake under their ill effects.

Their deadly power rattled the thriving countries to the south, and even during winter, we in our northern hideaway started to feel the impact of their negative effects.

That fable is unjust, which gives the superiority to the sun over the wind. Who has not seen the lightsome earth, the balmy atmosphere, and basking nature become dark, cold and ungenial, when the sleeping wind has awoke in the east? Or, when the dun clouds thickly veil the sky, while exhaustless stores of rain are poured down, until, the dank earth refusing to imbibe the superabundant moisture, it lies in pools on the surface; when the torch of day seems like a meteor, to be quenched; who has not seen the cloud-stirring north arise, the streaked blue appear, and soon an opening made in the vapours in the eye of the wind, through which the bright azure shines? The clouds become thin; an arch is formed for ever rising upwards, till, the universal cope being unveiled, the sun pours forth its rays, re-animated and fed by the breeze.

That fable is unfair, which gives the sun an advantage over the wind. Who hasn’t seen the cheerful earth, the pleasant atmosphere, and the thriving nature turn dark, cold, and unfriendly when the sleeping wind rises in the east? Or, when the gray clouds cover the sky, while endless amounts of rain pour down, until the soaked earth can’t absorb the excess moisture, leaving it in pools on the surface; when the daylight seems like a fading star, about to be extinguished; who hasn’t seen the cloud-clearing north wind kick in, the streaks of blue appear, and soon a gap open in the clouds through which the bright blue sky shines? The clouds thin out; a arc forms, always rising upwards, until the entire sky is revealed, and the sun beams its rays down, revitalized and nourished by the breeze.

Then mighty art thou, O wind, to be throned above all other vicegerents of nature’s power; whether thou comest destroying from the east, or pregnant with elementary life from the west; thee the clouds obey; the sun is subservient to thee; the shoreless ocean is thy slave! Thou sweepest over the earth, and oaks, the growth of centuries, submit to thy viewless axe; the snow-drift is scattered on the pinnacles of the Alps, the avalanche thunders down their vallies. Thou holdest the keys of the frost, and canst first chain and then set free the streams; under thy gentle governance the buds and leaves are born, they flourish nursed by thee.

Then you are powerful, O wind, sitting above all other rulers of nature's force; whether you come to destroy from the east, or bring life from the west; the clouds follow you; the sun bows to you; the endless ocean is your servant! You sweep across the earth, and centuries-old oaks submit to your invisible axe; the snow drifts scatter on the peaks of the Alps, and the avalanche roars down their valleys. You hold the keys to frost, and you can first freeze and then free the streams; under your gentle guidance, buds and leaves are born, thriving under your care.

Why dost thou howl thus, O wind? By day and by night for four long months thy roarings have not ceased—the shores of the sea are strewn with wrecks, its keel-welcoming surface has become impassable, the earth has shed her beauty in obedience to thy command; the frail balloon dares no longer sail on the agitated air; thy ministers, the clouds, deluge the land with rain; rivers forsake their banks; the wild torrent tears up the mountain path; plain and wood, and verdant dell are despoiled of their loveliness; our very cities are wasted by thee. Alas, what will become of us? It seems as if the giant waves of ocean, and vast arms of the sea, were about to wrench the deep-rooted island from its centre; and cast it, a ruin and a wreck, upon the fields of the Atlantic.

Why do you howl like this, O wind? For four long months, day and night, your roars haven't stopped—the shores are littered with wrecks, the sea's surface has become impossible to navigate, and the earth has lost its beauty at your command; the fragile balloon no longer dares to fly in the turbulent air; your agents, the clouds, drown the land in rain; rivers abandon their banks; wild torrents tear up mountain paths; the plains, forests, and lush valleys are stripped of their beauty; our very cities are devastated by you. Alas, what will happen to us? It feels like the giant waves of the ocean and the vast arms of the sea are about to pull the deeply rooted island from its center and throw it, a ruin and a wreck, onto the fields of the Atlantic.

What are we, the inhabitants of this globe, least among the many that people infinite space? Our minds embrace infinity; the visible mechanism of our being is subject to merest accident. Day by day we are forced to believe this. He whom a scratch has disorganized, he who disappears from apparent life under the influence of the hostile agency at work around us, had the same powers as I—I also am subject to the same laws. In the face of all this we call ourselves lords of the creation, wielders of the elements, masters of life and death, and we allege in excuse of this arrogance, that though the individual is destroyed, man continues for ever.

What are we, the people of this planet, compared to the countless beings that fill the infinite space? Our minds grasp the concept of infinity; the physical aspects of our existence are at the mercy of the smallest accidents. Each day, we’re reminded of this reality. The person who is thrown off by a simple scratch, the one who fades from visible life due to the hostile forces around us, had the same capabilities as I do—I am also governed by the same rules. Despite this, we call ourselves the masters of creation, controllers of the elements, and rulers of life and death. We justify this arrogance by claiming that even if an individual is lost, humanity persists forever.

Thus, losing our identity, that of which we are chiefly conscious, we glory in the continuity of our species, and learn to regard death without terror. But when any whole nation becomes the victim of the destructive powers of exterior agents, then indeed man shrinks into insignificance, he feels his tenure of life insecure, his inheritance on earth cut off.

Thus, losing our identity, which we are most aware of, we take pride in the continuity of our species and learn to view death without fear. But when an entire nation falls prey to the destructive forces of external agents, then humanity really feels small; we sense that our hold on life is fragile, and our place on earth is threatened.

I remember, after having witnessed the destructive effects of a fire, I could not even behold a small one in a stove, without a sensation of fear. The mounting flames had curled round the building, as it fell, and was destroyed. They insinuated themselves into the substances about them, and the impediments to their progress yielded at their touch. Could we take integral parts of this power, and not be subject to its operation? Could we domesticate a cub of this wild beast, and not fear its growth and maturity?

I remember that after seeing the devastating effects of a fire, I couldn't even look at a small one in a stove without feeling afraid. The flames had wrapped around the building as it collapsed and was destroyed. They took hold of everything around them, and anything in their way gave way at their touch. Could we take parts of this power and not be affected by it? Could we tame a cub of this wild beast and not worry about its growth and strength?

Thus we began to feel, with regard to many-visaged death let loose on the chosen districts of our fair habitation, and above all, with regard to the plague. We feared the coming summer. Nations, bordering on the already infected countries, began to enter upon serious plans for the better keeping out of the enemy. We, a commercial people, were obliged to bring such schemes under consideration; and the question of contagion became matter of earnest disquisition.

Thus, we started to feel concerned about the many-faced threat of death unleashed in the specific areas of our beautiful home, especially regarding the plague. We dreaded the upcoming summer. Neighboring nations, close to the already affected countries, began to implement serious plans to keep the enemy at bay. As a commercial society, we had to take these schemes into account, and the issue of contagion became a serious topic of discussion.

That the plague was not what is commonly called contagious, like the scarlet fever, or extinct small-pox, was proved. It was called an epidemic. But the grand question was still unsettled of how this epidemic was generated and increased. If infection depended upon the air, the air was subject to infection. As for instance, a typhus fever has been brought by ships to one sea-port town; yet the very people who brought it there, were incapable of communicating it in a town more fortunately situated. But how are we to judge of airs, and pronounce—in such a city plague will die unproductive; in such another, nature has provided for it a plentiful harvest? In the same way, individuals may escape ninety-nine times, and receive the death-blow at the hundredth; because bodies are sometimes in a state to reject the infection of malady, and at others, thirsty to imbibe it. These reflections made our legislators pause, before they could decide on the laws to be put in force. The evil was so wide-spreading, so violent and immedicable, that no care, no prevention could be judged superfluous, which even added a chance to our escape.

The plague wasn't contagious in the usual sense, like scarlet fever or smallpox that no longer exists. It was considered an epidemic. But the big question remained unresolved: how did this epidemic start and grow? If infection was linked to the air, then the air could become infected. For example, typhus fever was brought by ships to a coastal town; however, the people who introduced it there were unable to spread it in a more fortunate town. But how can we assess the air and determine—in one city the plague will fizzle out, while in another it will thrive? Similarly, someone might escape illness many times, only to succumb on the hundredth try; because sometimes our bodies can repel infections and at other times they can become susceptible. These thoughts caused our lawmakers to hesitate before deciding on the necessary laws. The threat was so widespread, so intense, and untreatable that no precaution seemed unnecessary if it offered even a slim chance of survival.

These were questions of prudence; there was no immediate necessity for an earnest caution. England was still secure. France, Germany, Italy and Spain, were interposed, walls yet without a breach, between us and the plague. Our vessels truly were the sport of winds and waves, even as Gulliver was the toy of the Brobdignagians; but we on our stable abode could not be hurt in life or limb by these eruptions of nature. We could not fear—we did not. Yet a feeling of awe, a breathless sentiment of wonder, a painful sense of the degradation of humanity, was introduced into every heart. Nature, our mother, and our friend, had turned on us a brow of menace. She shewed us plainly, that, though she permitted us to assign her laws and subdue her apparent powers, yet, if she put forth but a finger, we must quake. She could take our globe, fringed with mountains, girded by the atmosphere, containing the condition of our being, and all that man’s mind could invent or his force achieve; she could take the ball in her hand, and cast it into space, where life would be drunk up, and man and all his efforts for ever annihilated.

These were questions of caution; there was no urgent need for serious worry. England was still safe. France, Germany, Italy, and Spain stood as barriers, still intact, between us and the disease. Our ships were indeed at the mercy of the winds and waves, just like Gulliver was a plaything of the Brobdingnagians; but we, in our stable home, couldn’t be harmed in body or spirit by these natural upheavals. We had no reason to fear—we didn’t. Yet a sense of awe, a breathless feeling of wonder, a painful awareness of humanity's vulnerability, crept into every heart. Nature, our mother and friend, showed us a threatening face. She made it clear that, although we might claim to understand her laws and control her apparent powers, if she simply moved a finger, we would tremble. She could take our world, adorned with mountains, encircled by the atmosphere, containing everything essential for our existence, along with all that human creativity and strength could achieve; she could hold the planet in her hand and toss it into space, where life would be consumed, and humanity and all its efforts would be permanently destroyed.

These speculations were rife among us; yet not the less we proceeded in our daily occupations, and our plans, whose accomplishment demanded the lapse of many years. No voice was heard telling us to hold! When foreign distresses came to be felt by us through the channels of commerce, we set ourselves to apply remedies. Subscriptions were made for the emigrants, and merchants bankrupt by the failure of trade. The English spirit awoke to its full activity, and, as it had ever done, set itself to resist the evil, and to stand in the breach which diseased nature had suffered chaos and death to make in the bounds and banks which had hitherto kept them out.

These speculations circulated among us; yet we continued with our daily tasks and plans that would take many years to complete. No one told us to stop! When we started feeling the effects of foreign troubles through trade, we worked on finding solutions. We raised funds for the emigrants and for merchants who went bankrupt due to the collapse of trade. The English spirit sprang into full action and, as it always had, set out to fight against the problem and to fill the gap that a troubled nature had allowed chaos and death to create in the limits that had previously kept them at bay.

At the commencement of summer, we began to feel, that the mischief which had taken place in distant countries was greater than we had at first suspected. Quito was destroyed by an earthquake. Mexico laid waste by the united effects of storm, pestilence and famine. Crowds of emigrants inundated the west of Europe; and our island had become the refuge of thousands. In the mean time Ryland had been chosen Protector. He had sought this office with eagerness, under the idea of turning his whole forces to the suppression of the privileged orders of our community. His measures were thwarted, and his schemes interrupted by this new state of things. Many of the foreigners were utterly destitute; and their increasing numbers at length forbade a recourse to the usual modes of relief. Trade was stopped by the failure of the interchange of cargoes usual between us, and America, India, Egypt and Greece. A sudden break was made in the routine of our lives. In vain our Protector and his partizans sought to conceal this truth; in vain, day after day, he appointed a period for the discussion of the new laws concerning hereditary rank and privilege; in vain he endeavoured to represent the evil as partial and temporary. These disasters came home to so many bosoms, and, through the various channels of commerce, were carried so entirely into every class and division of the community, that of necessity they became the first question in the state, the chief subjects to which we must turn our attention.

At the start of summer, we began to realize that the problems happening in far-off countries were worse than we had initially thought. Quito was devastated by an earthquake. Mexico was ravaged by a combination of storms, disease, and famine. Waves of emigrants flooded into western Europe, and our island had become a refuge for thousands. Meanwhile, Ryland had been appointed Protector. He had eagerly sought this position, believing he could focus all his efforts on suppressing the privileged classes in our society. However, his plans were disrupted by the new situation. Many of the foreigners were completely destitute, and their increasing numbers eventually made it impossible to use the usual methods of aid. Trade came to a halt due to the breakdown of cargo exchanges that typically occurred between us and America, India, Egypt, and Greece. There was an abrupt disruption in the normal routine of our lives. Despite our Protector and his supporters trying to hide this reality, and despite him setting daily deadlines for discussing new laws about hereditary status and privileges, his efforts to portray the crisis as limited and temporary were in vain. These disasters hit too close to home for so many people, and through various trade channels, they affected every class and segment of society, making them the primary issue in the state and the main focus of our attention.

Can it be true, each asked the other with wonder and dismay, that whole countries are laid waste, whole nations annihilated, by these disorders in nature? The vast cities of America, the fertile plains of Hindostan, the crowded abodes of the Chinese, are menaced with utter ruin. Where late the busy multitudes assembled for pleasure or profit, now only the sound of wailing and misery is heard. The air is empoisoned, and each human being inhales death, even while in youth and health, their hopes are in the flower. We called to mind the plague of 1348, when it was calculated that a third of mankind had been destroyed. As yet western Europe was uninfected; would it always be so?

Can it really be true, each wondered in horror, that entire countries are devastated, whole nations wiped out, by these disruptions in nature? The massive cities of America, the fertile fields of India, the crowded homes of the Chinese, are threatened with total destruction. Where just recently the bustling crowds gathered for fun or business, now only the sounds of weeping and suffering can be heard. The air is poisoned, and everyone breathes in death, even while they are young and healthy, their dreams blooming. We remembered the plague of 1348, when it was estimated that a third of humanity was lost. At that time, western Europe was still unscathed; would it always stay that way?

O, yes, it would—Countrymen, fear not! In the still uncultivated wilds of America, what wonder that among its other giant destroyers, plague should be numbered! It is of old a native of the East, sister of the tornado, the earthquake, and the simoon. Child of the sun, and nursling of the tropics, it would expire in these climes. It drinks the dark blood of the inhabitant of the south, but it never feasts on the pale-faced Celt. If perchance some stricken Asiatic come among us, plague dies with him, uncommunicated and innoxious. Let us weep for our brethren, though we can never experience their reverse. Let us lament over and assist the children of the garden of the earth. Late we envied their abodes, their spicy groves, fertile plains, and abundant loveliness. But in this mortal life extremes are always matched; the thorn grows with the rose, the poison tree and the cinnamon mingle their boughs. Persia, with its cloth of gold, marble halls, and infinite wealth, is now a tomb. The tent of the Arab is fallen in the sands, and his horse spurns the ground unbridled and unsaddled. The voice of lamentation fills the valley of Cashmere; its dells and woods, its cool fountains, and gardens of roses, are polluted by the dead; in Circassia and Georgia the spirit of beauty weeps over the ruin of its favourite temple—the form of woman.

Oh, yes, it would—Fellow countrymen, don’t be afraid! In the still undeveloped wilds of America, is it any surprise that among its other great destroyers, plague should be included? It has long been a native of the East, a sister to the tornado, the earthquake, and the simoon. Born of the sun and nurtured by the tropics, it would not survive in these climates. It drinks the dark blood of those living in the South, but it never preys on the pale-faced Celts. If by chance a stricken Asian comes among us, the plague dies with them, untransmitted and harmless. Let us mourn for our brothers, even though we can never truly feel their pain. Let us grieve for and help the children of the garden of the earth. Recently, we envied their homes, their fragrant groves, fertile plains, and abundant beauty. But in this mortal life, extremes always come together; the thorn grows with the rose, the poison tree and the cinnamon intertwine their branches. Persia, with its golden cloth, marble halls, and immense wealth, is now a grave. The Arab’s tent has collapsed in the sands, and his horse roams the ground unbridled and unsaddled. The sound of mourning fills the valley of Kashmir; its dells and forests, its cool springs, and rose gardens are tainted by the dead; in Circassia and Georgia, the spirit of beauty weeps over the destruction of its cherished form—the female figure.

Our own distresses, though they were occasioned by the fictitious reciprocity of commerce, encreased in due proportion. Bankers, merchants, and manufacturers, whose trade depended on exports and interchange of wealth, became bankrupt. Such things, when they happen singly, affect only the immediate parties; but the prosperity of the nation was now shaken by frequent and extensive losses. Families, bred in opulence and luxury, were reduced to beggary. The very state of peace in which we gloried was injurious; there were no means of employing the idle, or of sending any overplus of population out of the country. Even the source of colonies was dried up, for in New Holland, Van Diemen’s Land, and the Cape of Good Hope, plague raged. O, for some medicinal vial to purge unwholesome nature, and bring back the earth to its accustomed health!

Our own struggles, caused by the false give-and-take of trade, increased accordingly. Bankers, merchants, and manufacturers, whose businesses relied on exports and the exchange of wealth, went bankrupt. When these things happen individually, they only impact the immediate parties; however, the nation's prosperity was now shaken by frequent and large losses. Families that were raised in wealth and luxury fell into poverty. The very peace we took pride in became harmful; there were no ways to employ the idle or send extra population out of the country. Even the sources of colonies dried up, as plagues ravaged New Holland, Van Diemen’s Land, and the Cape of Good Hope. Oh, how we wished for a healing remedy to clear away this unhealthy state and restore the earth to its former health!

Ryland was a man of strong intellects and quick and sound decision in the usual course of things, but he stood aghast at the multitude of evils that gathered round us. Must he tax the landed interest to assist our commercial population? To do this, he must gain the favour of the chief land-holders, the nobility of the country; and these were his vowed enemies—he must conciliate them by abandoning his favourite scheme of equalization; he must confirm them in their manorial rights; he must sell his cherished plans for the permanent good of his country, for temporary relief. He must aim no more at the dear object of his ambition; throwing his arms aside, he must for present ends give up the ultimate object of his endeavours. He came to Windsor to consult with us. Every day added to his difficulties; the arrival of fresh vessels with emigrants, the total cessation of commerce, the starving multitude that thronged around the palace of the Protectorate, were circumstances not to be tampered with. The blow was struck; the aristocracy obtained all they wished, and they subscribed to a twelvemonths’ bill, which levied twenty per cent on all the rent-rolls of the country. Calm was now restored to the metropolis, and to the populous cities, before driven to desperation; and we returned to the consideration of distant calamities, wondering if the future would bring any alleviation to their excess. It was August; so there could be small hope of relief during the heats. On the contrary, the disease gained virulence, while starvation did its accustomed work. Thousands died unlamented; for beside the yet warm corpse the mourner was stretched, made mute by death.

Ryland was a man of sharp intelligence and made quick, sound decisions in typical situations, but he was shocked by the multitude of problems surrounding us. Did he really have to tax landowners to support our commercial population? To do this, he would need to win over the major landowners, the country's nobility, who were his sworn enemies—he would have to appease them by abandoning his favorite plan for equality; he would need to reinforce their feudal rights; he would sacrifice his beloved ideas for the long-term benefit of his country for temporary relief. He could no longer aim for the cherished goal of his ambition; he would have to set aside his aspirations for short-term gains. He came to Windsor to talk to us. Each day only added to his troubles; new ships of emigrants kept arriving, commerce had completely stopped, and the starving crowds swarmed around the Protectorate's palace—these were situations that couldn’t be ignored. The damage was done; the aristocracy got everything they wanted, and they agreed to a one-year bill that imposed a twenty percent tax on all the rents in the country. Calm was restored to the capital and the cities that had previously been driven to despair; we shifted our focus back to distant disasters, wondering if the future would offer any relief from their severity. It was August, so there was little hope for relief during the summer heat. In fact, the disease grew more vicious while starvation did its usual work. Thousands died without anyone mourning them; next to the still warm body, the grieving person lay silent, rendered mute by death.

On the eighteenth of this month news arrived in London that the plague was in France and Italy. These tidings were at first whispered about town; but no one dared express aloud the soul-quailing intelligence. When any one met a friend in the street, he only cried as he hurried on, “You know!”— while the other, with an ejaculation of fear and horror, would answer,— “What will become of us?” At length it was mentioned in the newspapers. The paragraph was inserted in an obscure part: “We regret to state that there can be no longer a doubt of the plague having been introduced at Leghorn, Genoa, and Marseilles.” No word of comment followed; each reader made his own fearful one. We were as a man who hears that his house is burning, and yet hurries through the streets, borne along by a lurking hope of a mistake, till he turns the corner, and sees his sheltering roof enveloped in a flame. Before it had been a rumour; but now in words uneraseable, in definite and undeniable print, the knowledge went forth. Its obscurity of situation rendered it the more conspicuous: the diminutive letters grew gigantic to the bewildered eye of fear: they seemed graven with a pen of iron, impressed by fire, woven in the clouds, stamped on the very front of the universe.

On the eighteenth of this month, news reached London that the plague was in France and Italy. At first, people quietly talked about it, but no one dared to openly acknowledge the chilling news. When someone encountered a friend in the street, they hurried past, exclaiming, “You know!”—while the other, filled with fear and horror, would respond, “What will happen to us?” Eventually, it was mentioned in the newspapers. The article appeared in a small, hidden section: “We regret to inform that there is no longer any doubt that the plague has been introduced in Leghorn, Genoa, and Marseilles.” There were no comments following; each reader formed their own fearful conclusion. We felt like someone who hears that their house is on fire but rushes through the streets, clinging to a hope that it’s a mistake, until they turn the corner and see their home engulfed in flames. It had been just a rumor before, but now in permanent words, in definite and undeniable print, the knowledge spread. Its inconspicuous placement made it even more noticeable: the small letters seemed to grow huge to the terrified eye; they appeared to be etched with an iron pen, blazing in the sky, stamped on the very face of the universe.

The English, whether travellers or residents, came pouring in one great revulsive stream, back on their own country; and with them crowds of Italians and Spaniards. Our little island was filled even to bursting. At first an unusual quantity of specie made its appearance with the emigrants; but these people had no means of receiving back into their hands what they spent among us. With the advance of summer, and the increase of the distemper, rents were unpaid, and their remittances failed them. It was impossible to see these crowds of wretched, perishing creatures, late nurslings of luxury, and not stretch out a hand to save them. As at the conclusion of the eighteenth century, the English unlocked their hospitable store, for the relief of those driven from their homes by political revolution; so now they were not backward in affording aid to the victims of a more wide-spreading calamity. We had many foreign friends whom we eagerly sought out, and relieved from dreadful penury. Our Castle became an asylum for the unhappy. A little population occupied its halls. The revenue of its possessor, which had always found a mode of expenditure congenial to his generous nature, was now attended to more parsimoniously, that it might embrace a wider portion of utility. It was not however money, except partially, but the necessaries of life, that became scarce. It was difficult to find an immediate remedy. The usual one of imports was entirely cut off. In this emergency, to feed the very people to whom we had given refuge, we were obliged to yield to the plough and the mattock our pleasure-grounds and parks. Live stock diminished sensibly in the country, from the effects of the great demand in the market. Even the poor deer, our antlered proteges, were obliged to fall for the sake of worthier pensioners. The labour necessary to bring the lands to this sort of culture, employed and fed the offcasts of the diminished manufactories.

The English, whether they were travelers or residents, came flooding back into their own country, along with crowds of Italians and Spaniards. Our small island was overflowing. At first, a lot of money came in with the immigrants, but these people had no way to get back the money they spent with us. As summer arrived and the situation worsened, rents went unpaid, and their money transfers stopped. It was impossible to see these poor, suffering people—who had once lived in luxury—and not try to help them. Just like at the end of the 18th century when the English opened their doors to those displaced by political revolution, they were now quick to help the victims of a broader disaster. We sought out many foreign friends and helped them escape from terrible poverty. Our Castle became a refuge for the unfortunate. A small community filled its halls. The income of its owner, who had always spent generously, was now managed more carefully to help a wider group. However, it wasn't just money that became scarce, but the basic necessities of life. Finding a quick solution was challenging. The usual import sources were completely cut off. In this crisis, to feed the very people we had taken in, we had to convert our pleasure gardens and parks into farmland. Livestock numbers dropped significantly in the country due to the high market demand. Even the deer, our beloved protection, had to be sacrificed for those in greater need. The work needed to cultivate the land provided jobs and food for the displaced workers from the reduced factories.

Adrian did not rest only with the exertions he could make with regard to his own possessions. He addressed himself to the wealthy of the land; he made proposals in parliament little adapted to please the rich; but his earnest pleadings and benevolent eloquence were irresistible. To give up their pleasure-grounds to the agriculturist, to diminish sensibly the number of horses kept for the purposes of luxury throughout the country, were means obvious, but unpleasing. Yet, to the honour of the English be it recorded, that, although natural disinclination made them delay awhile, yet when the misery of their fellow-creatures became glaring, an enthusiastic generosity inspired their decrees. The most luxurious were often the first to part with their indulgencies. As is common in communities, a fashion was set. The high-born ladies of the country would have deemed themselves disgraced if they had now enjoyed, what they before called a necessary, the ease of a carriage. Chairs, as in olden time, and Indian palanquins were introduced for the infirm; but else it was nothing singular to see females of rank going on foot to places of fashionable resort. It was more common, for all who possessed landed property to secede to their estates, attended by whole troops of the indigent, to cut down their woods to erect temporary dwellings, and to portion out their parks, parterres and flower-gardens, to necessitous families. Many of these, of high rank in their own countries, now, with hoe in hand, turned up the soil. It was found necessary at last to check the spirit of sacrifice, and to remind those whose generosity proceeded to lavish waste, that, until the present state of things became permanent, of which there was no likelihood, it was wrong to carry change so far as to make a reaction difficult. Experience demonstrated that in a year or two pestilence would cease; it were well that in the mean time we should not have destroyed our fine breeds of horses, or have utterly changed the face of the ornamented portion of the country.

Adrian didn't stop at just focusing on his own possessions. He reached out to the wealthy in the country; he made proposals in parliament that weren’t exactly designed to please the rich, but his passionate arguments and kind words were hard to resist. Giving up their pleasure gardens for farming and significantly reducing the number of luxury horses were clear but unpopular solutions. Yet, it’s worth noting that, despite their natural reluctance to change, when the suffering of others became undeniable, a wave of generous spirit influenced their decisions. Often, those who indulged the most were the first to give up their luxuries. As is typical in society, a trend emerged. Wealthy ladies would have felt embarrassed if they continued to ride in carriages, which they previously considered necessary. Chairs, like in the old days, and Indian palanquins were brought back for those who were sick; otherwise, it became quite common to see women of high status walking to fashionable spots. It became more usual for landowners to retreat to their estates, accompanied by groups of the less fortunate, to cut down their woods to build temporary homes, and to share their parks, flower beds, and gardens with needy families. Many of those who were of high status in their own countries, now armed with hoes, worked the land. Eventually, it was necessary to rein in this spirit of sacrifice and remind those whose generosity was becoming wasteful that, until the current situation stabilized, which seemed unlikely, it was unwise to make changes so drastic that recovery would be tough. Experience showed that in a year or two, the plague would end; it would be better if, in the meantime, we didn’t destroy our fine breeds of horses or completely transform the beautiful parts of the countryside.

It may be imagined that things were in a bad state indeed, before this spirit of benevolence could have struck such deep roots. The infection had now spread in the southern provinces of France. But that country had so many resources in the way of agriculture, that the rush of population from one part of it to another, and its increase through foreign emigration, was less felt than with us. The panic struck appeared of more injury, than disease and its natural concomitants.

It’s easy to imagine that things were really bad before this spirit of kindness took hold so deeply. The problem had now spread to the southern provinces of France. However, that country had so many agricultural resources that the movement of people from one area to another, as well as the growth due to immigration, was less noticeable than it was for us. The panic seemed to cause more harm than the actual disease and its usual effects.

Winter was hailed, a general and never-failing physician. The embrowning woods, and swollen rivers, the evening mists, and morning frosts, were welcomed with gratitude. The effects of purifying cold were immediately felt; and the lists of mortality abroad were curtailed each week. Many of our visitors left us: those whose homes were far in the south, fled delightedly from our northern winter, and sought their native land, secure of plenty even after their fearful visitation. We breathed again. What the coming summer would bring, we knew not; but the present months were our own, and our hopes of a cessation of pestilence were high.

Winter was celebrated as a reliable healer. The darkening woods, rising rivers, evening fogs, and morning frosts were welcomed gratefully. The benefits of the purifying cold were quickly felt, and the number of deaths reported each week decreased. Many of our guests left us: those whose homes were far in the south eagerly escaped our northern winter to return to their homeland, confident of abundance even after their frightening experiences. We could breathe easier. We didn’t know what the upcoming summer would bring; but for now, the present months were ours, and we had high hopes for an end to the plague.

[6]Elton’s translation of Hesiod’s Works.

Elton's translation of Hesiod's Works.

CHAPTER VI.

I have lingered thus long on the extreme bank, the wasting shoal that stretched into the stream of life, dallying with the shadow of death. Thus long, I have cradled my heart in retrospection of past happiness, when hope was. Why not for ever thus? I am not immortal; and the thread of my history might be spun out to the limits of my existence. But the same sentiment that first led me to pourtray scenes replete with tender recollections, now bids me hurry on. The same yearning of this warm, panting heart, that has made me in written words record my vagabond youth, my serene manhood, and the passions of my soul, makes me now recoil from further delay. I must complete my work.

I have stayed here on the edge, where the shallow water meets the flow of life, flirting with the idea of death. For so long, I've cradled my heart in memories of past happiness, when hope was alive. Why not stay like this forever? I’m not immortal; my story could run out with my life. But the same feeling that first drove me to share these scenes filled with sweet memories now pushes me to move forward. The same longing from this warm, eager heart that led me to write about my wandering youth, my peaceful adulthood, and the passions of my soul makes me want to avoid any more delays. I need to finish my work.

Here then I stand, as I said, beside the fleet waters of the flowing years, and now away! Spread the sail, and strain with oar, hurrying by dark impending crags, adown steep rapids, even to the sea of desolation I have reached. Yet one moment, one brief interval before I put from shore— once, once again let me fancy myself as I was in 2094 in my abode at Windsor, let me close my eyes, and imagine that the immeasurable boughs of its oaks still shadow me, its castle walls anear. Let fancy pourtray the joyous scene of the twentieth of June, such as even now my aching heart recalls it.

Here I stand, as I mentioned, beside the flowing waters of the years, and now, away! Raise the sail and paddle hard, speeding past dark, looming cliffs and rushing down steep rapids, all the way to the sea of desolation I have reached. But just one moment, one brief pause before I leave the shore—once more, let me imagine myself as I was in 2094 in my home at Windsor. Let me close my eyes and picture the vast branches of its oaks still shading me, the castle walls nearby. Let my imagination capture the joyful scene of June 20th, just as my aching heart remembers it.

Circumstances had called me to London; here I heard talk that symptoms of the plague had occurred in hospitals of that city. I returned to Windsor; my brow was clouded, my heart heavy; I entered the Little Park, as was my custom, at the Frogmore gate, on my way to the Castle. A great part of these grounds had been given to cultivation, and strips of potatoe-land and corn were scattered here and there. The rooks cawed loudly in the trees above; mixed with their hoarse cries I heard a lively strain of music. It was Alfred’s birthday. The young people, the Etonians, and children of the neighbouring gentry, held a mock fair, to which all the country people were invited. The park was speckled by tents, whose flaunting colours and gaudy flags, waving in the sunshine, added to the gaiety of the scene. On a platform erected beneath the terrace, a number of the younger part of the assembly were dancing. I leaned against a tree to observe them. The band played the wild eastern air of Weber introduced in Abon Hassan; its volatile notes gave wings to the feet of the dancers, while the lookers-on unconsciously beat time. At first the tripping measure lifted my spirit with it, and for a moment my eyes gladly followed the mazes of the dance. The revulsion of thought passed like keen steel to my heart. Ye are all going to die, I thought; already your tomb is built up around you. Awhile, because you are gifted with agility and strength, you fancy that you live: but frail is the “bower of flesh” that encaskets life; dissoluble the silver cord that binds you to it. The joyous soul, charioted from pleasure to pleasure by the graceful mechanism of well-formed limbs, will suddenly feel the axle-tree give way, and spring and wheel dissolve in dust. Not one of you, O! fated crowd, can escape—not one! not my own ones! not my Idris and her babes! Horror and misery! Already the gay dance vanished, the green sward was strewn with corpses, the blue air above became fetid with deathly exhalations. Shriek, ye clarions! ye loud trumpets, howl! Pile dirge on dirge; rouse the funereal chords; let the air ring with dire wailing; let wild discord rush on the wings of the wind! Already I hear it, while guardian angels, attendant on humanity, their task achieved, hasten away, and their departure is announced by melancholy strains; faces all unseemly with weeping, forced open my lids; faster and faster many groups of these woe-begone countenances thronged around, exhibiting every variety of wretchedness—well known faces mingled with the distorted creations of fancy. Ashy pale, Raymond and Perdita sat apart, looking on with sad smiles. Adrian’s countenance flitted across, tainted by death—Idris, with eyes languidly closed and livid lips, was about to slide into the wide grave. The confusion grew—their looks of sorrow changed to mockery; they nodded their heads in time to the music, whose clang became maddening.

Circumstances brought me to London, where I heard that there were signs of the plague in the hospitals. I returned to Windsor, my mind clouded and my heart heavy. I entered the Little Park, as I usually did, through the Frogmore gate, heading to the Castle. A large part of these grounds had been cultivated, with patches of potatoes and corn scattered around. The rooks cawed loudly in the trees above, and mixed with their harsh cries, I heard lively music. It was Alfred’s birthday. The young people, the Eton students, and the children of local gentry were having a mock fair, inviting all the country folks to join. The park was dotted with tents, their bright colors and flashy flags waving in the sunshine, adding to the festivity. On a platform set up beneath the terrace, many of the younger crowd were dancing. I leaned against a tree to watch. The band played a lively Eastern tune from Weber's Abon Hassan; its energetic notes lifted the dancers' feet, while the spectators unconsciously kept time. At first, the joyous rhythm lifted my spirits, and for a moment, my eyes happily followed the dance. But then a wave of bleak thought hit me like a sharp blade to my heart. You’re all going to die, I thought; your graves are already being prepared. For a while, because you’re blessed with energy and youth, you think you’re alive: but the "bower of flesh" that holds life is fragile; the silver cord that connects you to it can easily break. The joyful soul, carried from joy to joy by the grace of well-formed limbs, will suddenly find the axle break, and everything will crumble into dust. None of you, doomed crowd, can escape—not one! Not even my loved ones! Not my Idris and her children! Horror and misery! Suddenly, the joyful dance vanished, the green grass was littered with corpses, and the blue sky became foul with the stench of death. Sound the clarions! Yell, you loud trumpets! Pile dirges atop each other; raise the funereal chords; let the air ring with despair; let chaotic sounds rush on the wings of the wind! I can already hear it, while guardian angels, having completed their duties, hasten away, their departure signaled by sad melodies; faces twisted with grief forced my eyes open; faster and faster, groups of these sorrowful faces crowded around, showing every type of misery—familiar faces mingled with grotesque visions. Pale as death, Raymond and Perdita sat apart, watching with sad smiles. Adrian’s ghostly face appeared, touched by death—Idris lay with her eyes barely closed and lips blue, about to slip into the grave. The chaos increased—their expressions of sorrow turned to mockery; they nodded their heads to the music, which grew maddening.

I felt that this was insanity—I sprang forward to throw it off; I rushed into the midst of the crowd. Idris saw me: with light step she advanced; as I folded her in my arms, feeling, as I did, that I thus enclosed what was to me a world, yet frail as the waterdrop which the noon-day sun will drink from the water lily’s cup; tears filled my eyes, unwont to be thus moistened. The joyful welcome of my boys, the soft gratulation of Clara, the pressure of Adrian’s hand, contributed to unman me. I felt that they were near, that they were safe, yet methought this was all deceit;—the earth reeled, the firm-enrooted trees moved—dizziness came over me—I sank to the ground.

I felt like I was losing my mind—I jumped forward to shake it off; I ran into the crowd. Idris saw me: she walked towards me with light steps; as I wrapped my arms around her, I felt like I was holding my entire world, yet fragile like a raindrop that the midday sun will evaporate from a water lily’s cup; tears filled my eyes, which weren’t used to being so moist. The joyful greetings from my boys, Clara's gentle congratulations, and the firm grip of Adrian’s hand made me feel overwhelmed. I knew they were close, that they were safe, but it all felt like an illusion— the ground swayed, the sturdy trees seemed to move—dizziness took over me—I collapsed to the ground.

My beloved friends were alarmed—nay, they expressed their alarm so anxiously, that I dared not pronounce the word plague, that hovered on my lips, lest they should construe my perturbed looks into a symptom, and see infection in my languor. I had scarcely recovered, and with feigned hilarity had brought back smiles into my little circle, when we saw Ryland approach.

My dear friends were upset—actually, they were so worried that I didn't even want to say the word plague, which was right on the tip of my tongue. I was afraid they might interpret my anxious expression as a sign of illness and think I was infected because of my fatigue. I had barely recovered, and with a forced cheerfulness, I had managed to bring smiles back to our small group when we noticed Ryland coming our way.

Ryland had something the appearance of a farmer; of a man whose muscles and full grown stature had been developed under the influence of vigorous exercise and exposure to the elements. This was to a great degree the case: for, though a large landed proprietor, yet, being a projector, and of an ardent and industrious disposition, he had on his own estate given himself up to agricultural labours. When he went as ambassador to the Northern States of America, he, for some time, planned his entire migration; and went so far as to make several journies far westward on that immense continent, for the purpose of choosing the site of his new abode. Ambition turned his thoughts from these designs—ambition, which labouring through various lets and hindrances, had now led him to the summit of his hopes, in making him Lord Protector of England.

Ryland looked like a farmer; he was the kind of guy whose muscles and tall build came from hard work and being outdoors. This was mostly true: although he was a large landowner, he was also a visionary and very hardworking, so he dedicated himself to farming on his own estate. When he served as an ambassador to the Northern States of America, he spent a lot of time planning his move there and even made several trips far west across that vast continent to find the perfect spot for his new home. However, ambition shifted his focus away from those plans—ambition that, despite various obstacles, had ultimately brought him to the peak of his dreams by making him Lord Protector of England.

His countenance was rough but intelligent—his ample brow and quick grey eyes seemed to look out, over his own plans, and the opposition of his enemies. His voice was stentorian: his hand stretched out in debate, seemed by its gigantic and muscular form, to warn his hearers that words were not his only weapons. Few people had discovered some cowardice and much infirmity of purpose under this imposing exterior. No man could crush a “butterfly on the wheel” with better effect; no man better cover a speedy retreat from a powerful adversary. This had been the secret of his secession at the time of Lord Raymond’s election. In the unsteady glance of his eye, in his extreme desire to learn the opinions of all, in the feebleness of his hand-writing, these qualities might be obscurely traced, but they were not generally known. He was now our Lord Protector. He had canvassed eagerly for this post. His protectorate was to be distinguished by every kind of innovation on the aristocracy. This his selected task was exchanged for the far different one of encountering the ruin caused by the convulsions of physical nature. He was incapable of meeting these evils by any comprehensive system; he had resorted to expedient after expedient, and could never be induced to put a remedy in force, till it came too late to be of use.

His face was rugged yet smart—his broad forehead and sharp grey eyes seemed to gaze beyond his own schemes and the challenges posed by his enemies. His voice was booming; his hand gestured in debate, appearing so massive and strong that it warned his audience that words weren’t his only tools. Few had noticed some cowardice and a lot of indecision beneath this formidable exterior. No one could crush a “butterfly on the wheel” more effectively; no one was better at making a hasty getaway from a strong opponent. This was the reason for his withdrawal during Lord Raymond’s election. In the shifting look of his eye, in his intense desire to understand everyone’s opinions, in the weakness of his handwriting, these traits could be vaguely seen, but they weren’t widely recognized. He was now our Lord Protector. He had campaigned vigorously for this position. His protectorate was meant to introduce all kinds of changes to the aristocracy. Instead, he found himself facing the disaster caused by the upheavals of nature. He couldn’t address these problems with any comprehensive plan; he turned to one quick fix after another and never could be persuaded to implement a solution until it was too late to be effective.

Certainly the Ryland that advanced towards us now, bore small resemblance to the powerful, ironical, seemingly fearless canvasser for the first rank among Englishmen. Our native oak, as his partisans called him, was visited truly by a nipping winter. He scarcely appeared half his usual height; his joints were unknit, his limbs would not support him; his face was contracted, his eye wandering; debility of purpose and dastard fear were expressed in every gesture.

Certainly, the Ryland who approached us now looked nothing like the strong, ironic, and seemingly fearless contender for the top spot among Englishmen. Our native oak, as his supporters liked to call him, was clearly affected by a harsh winter. He seemed hardly half his usual height; his joints were stiff, his limbs could barely hold him up; his face was drawn, and his gaze was unfocused; weakness of will and cowardice were evident in every movement.

In answer to our eager questions, one word alone fell, as it were involuntarily, from his convulsed lips: The Plague.—“Where?”—“Every where—we must fly—all fly—but whither? No man can tell—there is no refuge on earth, it comes on us like a thousand packs of wolves—we must all fly—where shall you go? Where can any of us go?”

In response to our anxious questions, just one word slipped from his trembling lips: The Plague.—“Where?”—“Everywhere—we have to escape—all of us need to run—but to where? No one knows—there’s no safe place on Earth, it’s coming at us like a pack of wolves—we all have to flee—where will you go? Where can any of us go?”

These words were syllabled trembling by the iron man. Adrian replied, “Whither indeed would you fly? We must all remain; and do our best to help our suffering fellow-creatures.”

These words were spoken with a tremble by the iron man. Adrian replied, “Where would you even go? We all have to stay and do our best to help those who are suffering.”

“Help!” said Ryland, “there is no help!—great God, who talks of help! All the world has the plague!”

“Help!” Ryland cried, “there's no help!—good God, who even mentions help! The whole world has the plague!”

“Then to avoid it, we must quit the world,” observed Adrian, with a gentle smile.

“Then to avoid it, we should just leave the world,” said Adrian with a gentle smile.

Ryland groaned; cold drops stood on his brow. It was useless to oppose his paroxysm of terror: but we soothed and encouraged him, so that after an interval he was better able to explain to us the ground of his alarm. It had come sufficiently home to him. One of his servants, while waiting on him, had suddenly fallen down dead. The physician declared that he died of the plague. We endeavoured to calm him—but our own hearts were not calm. I saw the eye of Idris wander from me to her children, with an anxious appeal to my judgment. Adrian was absorbed in meditation. For myself, I own that Ryland’s words rang in my ears; all the world was infected;—in what uncontaminated seclusion could I save my beloved treasures, until the shadow of death had passed from over the earth? We sunk into silence: a silence that drank in the doleful accounts and prognostications of our guest. We had receded from the crowd; and ascending the steps of the terrace, sought the Castle. Our change of cheer struck those nearest to us; and, by means of Ryland’s servants, the report soon spread that he had fled from the plague in London. The sprightly parties broke up—they assembled in whispering groups. The spirit of gaiety was eclipsed; the music ceased; the young people left their occupations and gathered together. The lightness of heart which had dressed them in masquerade habits, had decorated their tents, and assembled them in fantastic groups, appeared a sin against, and a provocative to, the awful destiny that had laid its palsying hand upon hope and life. The merriment of the hour was an unholy mockery of the sorrows of man. The foreigners whom we had among us, who had fled from the plague in their own country, now saw their last asylum invaded; and, fear making them garrulous, they described to eager listeners the miseries they had beheld in cities visited by the calamity, and gave fearful accounts of the insidious and irremediable nature of the disease.

Ryland groaned; cold drops glistened on his forehead. It was pointless to fight against his overwhelming terror, but we comforted and encouraged him until he was able to share the cause of his fear. It had struck him deeply. One of his servants had suddenly collapsed and died while attending to him. The doctor said he died of the plague. We tried to calm him, but we weren’t calm ourselves. I noticed Idris glancing from me to her children, looking to me for reassurance. Adrian was deep in thought. As for me, I couldn’t shake Ryland's words from my mind; the whole world was infected—where could I find an untainted refuge to protect my beloved ones until death’s shadow passed from the earth? We fell into silence, absorbing the gloomy tales and predictions from our guest. We had distanced ourselves from the crowd and had climbed the steps to the terrace, seeking the Castle. Our sudden change in mood caught the attention of those nearby, and soon, through Ryland’s servants, the word spread that he had fled from the plague in London. The lively gatherings dispersed, and people huddled in whispered groups. The spirit of joy faded; the music stopped; the young ones left their activities and came together. The lightness that had adorned them in festive costumes, decorated their tents, and brought them together in whimsical clusters now felt like a sin, a provocation to the grim fate that had gripped hope and life. The merriment of the moment was a cruel mockery of human suffering. The foreigners among us, who had escaped the plague in their own countries, now found their last sanctuary threatened; fear made them talkative, and they recounted to eager listeners the horrors they had witnessed in cities struck by the disaster, sharing terrifying tales of the insidious and incurable nature of the disease.

We had entered the Castle. Idris stood at a window that over-looked the park; her maternal eyes sought her own children among the young crowd. An Italian lad had got an audience about him, and with animated gestures was describing some scene of horror. Alfred stood immoveable before him, his whole attention absorbed. Little Evelyn had endeavoured to draw Clara away to play with him; but the Italian’s tale arrested her, she crept near, her lustrous eyes fixed on the speaker. Either watching the crowd in the park, or occupied by painful reflection, we were all silent; Ryland stood by himself in an embrasure of the window; Adrian paced the hall, revolving some new and overpowering idea—suddenly he stopped and said: “I have long expected this; could we in reason expect that this island should be exempt from the universal visitation? The evil is come home to us, and we must not shrink from our fate. What are your plans, my Lord Protector, for the benefit of our country?”

We had entered the Castle. Idris stood at a window that overlooked the park; her caring eyes searched for her own kids among the young crowd. An Italian boy had gathered an audience around him and was animatedly describing some horrific scene. Alfred was frozen in front of him, completely absorbed. Little Evelyn tried to pull Clara away to play with him; however, the Italian’s story captivated her, and she crept closer, her bright eyes fixed on the speaker. Whether watching the crowd in the park or lost in painful thoughts, we all stayed silent; Ryland stood alone in a nook of the window; Adrian paced the hall, mulling over some new, overwhelming idea—suddenly he stopped and said: “I’ve been expecting this for a long time; could we really think this island would escape the universal calamity? The evil has come home to us, and we must face our destiny. What are your plans, my Lord Protector, for the good of our country?”

“For heaven’s love! Windsor,” cried Ryland, “do not mock me with that title. Death and disease level all men. I neither pretend to protect nor govern an hospital—such will England quickly become.”

“For heaven’s sake! Windsor,” shouted Ryland, “don’t mock me with that title. Death and disease treat everyone the same. I’m not pretending to protect or run a hospital—England will soon turn into one.”

“Do you then intend, now in time of peril, to recede from your duties?”

“Are you really planning to back away from your responsibilities now that we’re in a time of crisis?”

“Duties! speak rationally, my Lord!—when I am a plague-spotted corpse, where will my duties be? Every man for himself! the devil take the protectorship, say I, if it expose me to danger!”

“Responsibilities! Be reasonable, my Lord!—when I’m a disease-ridden corpse, where will my responsibilities be? Everyone for themselves! The devil can have the protection, I say, if it puts me in danger!”

“Faint-hearted man!” cried Adrian indignantly—“Your countrymen put their trust in you, and you betray them!”

“Coward!” Adrian exclaimed angrily. “Your fellow countrymen rely on you, and you’re letting them down!”

“I betray them!” said Ryland, “the plague betrays me. Faint-hearted! It is well, shut up in your castle, out of danger, to boast yourself out of fear. Take the Protectorship who will; before God I renounce it!”

“I betray them!” said Ryland, “the plague betrays me. Coward! It’s easy to sit safe in your castle, away from danger, and brag without fear. Let whoever wants the Protectorship take it; I swear before God I give it up!”

“And before God,” replied his opponent, fervently, “do I receive it! No one will canvass for this honour now—none envy my danger or labours. Deposit your powers in my hands. Long have I fought with death, and much” (he stretched out his thin hand) “much have I suffered in the struggle. It is not by flying, but by facing the enemy, that we can conquer. If my last combat is now about to be fought, and I am to be worsted—so let it be!”

“And before God,” replied his opponent passionately, “I accept it! No one will seek this honor now—no one envies my risks or efforts. Hand over your powers to me. I have long battled with death, and I have suffered greatly in this struggle.” (He stretched out his thin hand.) “It’s not by running away, but by confronting the enemy, that we can win. If my final battle is about to take place, and I'm meant to be defeated—so be it!”

“But come, Ryland, recollect yourself! Men have hitherto thought you magnanimous and wise, will you cast aside these titles? Consider the panic your departure will occasion. Return to London. I will go with you. Encourage the people by your presence. I will incur all the danger. Shame! shame! if the first magistrate of England be foremost to renounce his duties.”

“But come on, Ryland, get a grip! People have always seen you as generous and wise; are you really going to throw that away? Think about the panic your leaving will cause. Come back to London. I’ll go with you. Show the people some support just by being there. I’ll take on all the risk. It would be a disgrace if the top official in England is the first to walk away from his responsibilities.”

Meanwhile among our guests in the park, all thoughts of festivity had faded. As summer-flies are scattered by rain, so did this congregation, late noisy and happy, in sadness and melancholy murmurs break up, dwindling away apace. With the set sun and the deepening twilight the park became nearly empty. Adrian and Ryland were still in earnest discussion. We had prepared a banquet for our guests in the lower hall of the castle; and thither Idris and I repaired to receive and entertain the few that remained. There is nothing more melancholy than a merry-meeting thus turned to sorrow: the gala dresses—the decorations, gay as they might otherwise be, receive a solemn and funereal appearance. If such change be painful from lighter causes, it weighed with intolerable heaviness from the knowledge that the earth’s desolator had at last, even as an arch-fiend, lightly over-leaped the boundaries our precautions raised, and at once enthroned himself in the full and beating heart of our country. Idris sat at the top of the half-empty hall. Pale and tearful, she almost forgot her duties as hostess; her eyes were fixed on her children. Alfred’s serious air shewed that he still revolved the tragic story related by the Italian boy. Evelyn was the only mirthful creature present: he sat on Clara’s lap; and, making matter of glee from his own fancies, laughed aloud. The vaulted roof echoed again his infant tone. The poor mother who had brooded long over, and suppressed the expression of her anguish, now burst into tears, and folding her babe in her arms, hurried from the hall. Clara and Alfred followed. While the rest of the company, in confused murmur, which grew louder and louder, gave voice to their many fears.

Meanwhile, among our guests in the park, all thoughts of celebration had faded. Like summer flies scattered by rain, this group, once noisy and happy, broke apart in sadness and melancholy murmurs, quickly dwindling away. With the setting sun and deepening twilight, the park became nearly empty. Adrian and Ryland were still deep in discussion. We had prepared a feast for our guests in the lower hall of the castle, so Idris and I went there to welcome and entertain the few who remained. There’s nothing more sorrowful than a joyful gathering turned to grief: the festive outfits and decorations, which could have been lively, took on a solemn and funereal look. If such a change is painful in lighter situations, it was unbearably heavy given the knowledge that the scourge of the earth had, like a great villain, easily breached the defenses we had built and had now taken his place at the very heart of our country. Idris sat at the top of the half-empty hall. Pale and tearful, she almost forgot her duties as hostess, her eyes fixed on her children. Alfred’s serious expression showed he was still thinking about the tragic story told by the Italian boy. Evelyn was the only cheerful one present: he sat on Clara’s lap, turning his own ideas into laughter. His childish voice echoed against the vaulted roof. The poor mother, who had long concealed her anguish, suddenly burst into tears, scooping her baby into her arms and hurriedly leaving the hall. Clara and Alfred followed. Meanwhile, the remaining guests murmured in confusion, their voices growing louder as they expressed their many fears.

The younger part gathered round me to ask my advice; and those who had friends in London were anxious beyond the rest, to ascertain the present extent of disease in the metropolis. I encouraged them with such thoughts of cheer as presented themselves. I told them exceedingly few deaths had yet been occasioned by pestilence, and gave them hopes, as we were the last visited, so the calamity might have lost its most venomous power before it had reached us. The cleanliness, habits of order, and the manner in which our cities were built, were all in our favour. As it was an epidemic, its chief force was derived from pernicious qualities in the air, and it would probably do little harm where this was naturally salubrious. At first, I had spoken only to those nearest me; but the whole assembly gathered about me, and I found that I was listened to by all. “My friends,” I said, “our risk is common; our precautions and exertions shall be common also. If manly courage and resistance can save us, we will be saved. We will fight the enemy to the last. Plague shall not find us a ready prey; we will dispute every inch of ground; and, by methodical and inflexible laws, pile invincible barriers to the progress of our foe. Perhaps in no part of the world has she met with so systematic and determined an opposition. Perhaps no country is naturally so well protected against our invader; nor has nature anywhere been so well assisted by the hand of man. We will not despair. We are neither cowards nor fatalists; but, believing that God has placed the means for our preservation in our own hands, we will use those means to our utmost. Remember that cleanliness, sobriety, and even good-humour and benevolence, are our best medicines.”

The younger folks gathered around me to ask for advice; and those with friends in London were especially eager to find out about the current spread of the disease in the city. I offered them encouraging thoughts as they came to mind. I told them that very few deaths had occurred so far due to the plague and gave them hope that since we were among the last to be affected, the disaster might have lost its most dangerous power before it reached us. Our cleanliness, organized habits, and the way our cities were built all worked in our favor. Since it was an epidemic, its main strength came from harmful qualities in the air, and it would probably not cause much harm where the environment was naturally healthy. At first, I had only spoken to the people closest to me, but soon the entire group gathered around, and I realized that everyone was listening. “My friends,” I said, “we share this risk; our precautions and efforts will be shared as well. If we have the courage and resolve to fight, we will prevail. We will stand against this enemy to the very end. The plague will not find us easy targets; we will defend every inch of ground and, through organized and steadfast measures, build solid defenses against our foe. Perhaps no other place in the world has encountered such a systematic and determined resistance. Maybe no country is naturally so well protected against our invader, nor has nature been so effectively supported by human efforts. We will not lose hope. We are neither cowards nor fatalists; we believe that God has provided us the means for our survival, and we will use those means to the fullest. Remember that cleanliness, moderation, and even good cheer and kindness are our best defenses.”

There was little I could add to this general exhortation; for the plague, though in London, was not among us. I dismissed the guests therefore; and they went thoughtful, more than sad, to await the events in store for them.

There wasn't much I could add to this general encouragement; since the plague, although in London, wasn't affecting us. I sent the guests away, and they left feeling pensive, more than upset, to await the events ahead of them.

I now sought Adrian, anxious to hear the result of his discussion with Ryland. He had in part prevailed; the Lord Protector consented to return to London for a few weeks; during which time things should be so arranged, as to occasion less consternation at his departure. Adrian and Idris were together. The sadness with which the former had first heard that the plague was in London had vanished; the energy of his purpose informed his body with strength, the solemn joy of enthusiasm and self-devotion illuminated his countenance; and the weakness of his physical nature seemed to pass from him, as the cloud of humanity did, in the ancient fable, from the divine lover of Semele. He was endeavouring to encourage his sister, and to bring her to look on his intent in a less tragic light than she was prepared to do; and with passionate eloquence he unfolded his designs to her.

I was now looking for Adrian, eager to hear the outcome of his talk with Ryland. He had partly succeeded; the Lord Protector agreed to go back to London for a few weeks, during which time plans would be organized to create less alarm about his departure. Adrian and Idris were together. The sadness that Adrian initially felt upon hearing that the plague had hit London had faded; the determination in his purpose filled him with strength, and the serious joy of enthusiasm and self-sacrifice brightened his face; the weakness of his physical state seemed to disappear, like the cloud of humanity did, in the ancient tale, from the divine lover of Semele. He was trying to uplift his sister and get her to see his intentions in a less tragic light than she was ready to accept; with passionate eloquence, he shared his plans with her.

“Let me, at the first word,” he said, “relieve your mind from all fear on my account. I will not task myself beyond my powers, nor will I needlessly seek danger. I feel that I know what ought to be done, and as my presence is necessary for the accomplishment of my plans, I will take especial care to preserve my life.

“Let me start by saying,” he said, “that you don’t need to worry about me. I won’t push myself beyond my limits, nor will I unnecessarily seek out danger. I believe I know what needs to be done, and since my presence is essential for carrying out my plans, I will make sure to take good care of my life.”

“I am now going to undertake an office fitted for me. I cannot intrigue, or work a tortuous path through the labyrinth of men’s vices and passions; but I can bring patience, and sympathy, and such aid as art affords, to the bed of disease; I can raise from earth the miserable orphan, and awaken to new hopes the shut heart of the mourner. I can enchain the plague in limits, and set a term to the misery it would occasion; courage, forbearance, and watchfulness, are the forces I bring towards this great work.

“I’m now going to take on a role that suits me. I can’t manipulate or navigate the complicated maze of people’s vices and passions; but I can offer patience, sympathy, and the help that art provides to those who are suffering. I can lift the miserable orphan from despair and bring new hope to the grieving. I can contain the spread of illness and limit the suffering it could cause; courage, patience, and vigilance are the strengths I bring to this important work.

“O, I shall be something now! From my birth I have aspired like the eagle —but, unlike the eagle, my wings have failed, and my vision has been blinded. Disappointment and sickness have hitherto held dominion over me; twin born with me, my would, was for ever enchained by the shall not, of these my tyrants. A shepherd-boy that tends a silly flock on the mountains, was more in the scale of society than I. Congratulate me then that I have found fitting scope for my powers. I have often thought of offering my services to the pestilence-stricken towns of France and Italy; but fear of paining you, and expectation of this catastrophe, withheld me. To England and to Englishmen I dedicate myself. If I can save one of her mighty spirits from the deadly shaft; if I can ward disease from one of her smiling cottages, I shall not have lived in vain.”

“Oh, I’m going to be something now! From the moment I was born, I have wanted to soar like an eagle—but, unlike the eagle, my wings have failed, and my sight has been clouded. Disappointment and illness have ruled my life so far; my would has been forever chained by the shall not of these tyrants. A shepherd-boy watching a silly flock on the mountains had more social value than I. So, celebrate with me that I’ve finally found a proper outlet for my abilities. I’ve often thought about offering my help to the plague-stricken towns of France and Italy; but my worries about upsetting you and the fear of this disaster stopped me. To England and to its people, I dedicate myself. If I can save even one of her great spirits from the deadly arrow; if I can protect one of her cheerful cottages from disease, I won’t have lived in vain.”

Strange ambition this! Yet such was Adrian. He appeared given up to contemplation, averse to excitement, a lowly student, a man of visions— but afford him worthy theme, and—

Strange ambition this! Yet such was Adrian. He seemed lost in thought, resistant to excitement, an unassuming student, a man of dreams— but give him a worthy topic, and—

Like to the lark at break of day arising,
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven’s gate.[7]

Like the lark singing at dawn,
Rising from the gloomy ground, sings praises at heaven’s door.[7]

so did he spring up from listlessness and unproductive thought, to the highest pitch of virtuous action.

so he rose up from boredom and unproductive thoughts to the highest level of virtuous action.

With him went enthusiasm, the high-wrought resolve, the eye that without blenching could look at death. With us remained sorrow, anxiety, and unendurable expectation of evil. The man, says Lord Bacon, who hath wife and children, has given hostages to fortune. Vain was all philosophical reasoning—vain all fortitude—vain, vain, a reliance on probable good. I might heap high the scale with logic, courage, and resignation—but let one fear for Idris and our children enter the opposite one, and, over-weighed, it kicked the beam.

With him went enthusiasm, strong determination, and a gaze that could face death without flinching. With us stayed sorrow, anxiety, and the unbearable anticipation of something bad. The man, as Lord Bacon says, who has a wife and kids has given hostages to fate. All philosophical reasoning was useless—useless all strength—useless, useless, any faith in likely good outcomes. I could pile the scale high with logic, courage, and acceptance—but if even one worry about Idris and our kids went into the other side, it tipped the balance.

The plague was in London! Fools that we were not long ago to have foreseen this. We wept over the ruin of the boundless continents of the east, and the desolation of the western world; while we fancied that the little channel between our island and the rest of the earth was to preserve us alive among the dead. It were no mighty leap methinks from Calais to Dover. The eye easily discerns the sister land; they were united once; and the little path that runs between looks in a map but as a trodden footway through high grass. Yet this small interval was to save us: the sea was to rise a wall of adamant—without, disease and misery—within, a shelter from evil, a nook of the garden of paradise—a particle of celestial soil, which no evil could invade—truly we were wise in our generation, to imagine all these things!

The plague was in London! How foolish we were not to see this coming. We cried over the destruction of the vast continents in the east and the devastation of the western world, while we thought that the small channel between our island and the rest of the world would keep us safe among the dead. It isn't a huge leap from Calais to Dover. You can easily see the neighboring land; they were once connected, and the little path that lies between looks like a worn trail through tall grass on a map. Yet this tiny gap was supposed to save us: the sea was to act as an unbreakable wall—outside, disease and suffering—inside, a refuge from evil, a little corner of paradise—a piece of heavenly land that no wrongdoing could touch—truly, we were wise in our time to believe all these things!

But we are awake now. The plague is in London; the air of England is tainted, and her sons and daughters strew the unwholesome earth. And now, the sea, late our defence, seems our prison bound; hemmed in by its gulphs, we shall die like the famished inhabitants of a besieged town. Other nations have a fellowship in death; but we, shut out from all neighbourhood, must bury our own dead, and little England become a wide, wide tomb.

But we're awake now. The plague is in London; the air in England is polluted, and her sons and daughters lie scattered across the unhealthy ground. And now, the sea, which was once our defense, feels like our prison; trapped by its depths, we'll die like the starving people in a besieged city. Other nations share the experience of death together, but we, cut off from everyone, have to bury our own dead, turning little England into a vast, vast grave.

This feeling of universal misery assumed concentration and shape, when I looked on my wife and children; and the thought of danger to them possessed my whole being with fear. How could I save them? I revolved a thousand and a thousand plans. They should not die—first I would be gathered to nothingness, ere infection should come anear these idols of my soul. I would walk barefoot through the world, to find an uninfected spot; I would build my home on some wave-tossed plank, drifted about on the barren, shoreless ocean. I would betake me with them to some wild beast’s den, where a tyger’s cubs, which I would slay, had been reared in health. I would seek the mountain eagle’s eirie, and live years suspended in some inaccessible recess of a sea-bounding cliff—no labour too great, no scheme too wild, if it promised life to them. O! ye heart-strings of mine, could ye be torn asunder, and my soul not spend itself in tears of blood for sorrow!

This feeling of universal misery became overwhelming when I looked at my wife and kids, and the thought of danger to them filled me with fear. How could I protect them? I went over countless plans in my mind. They would not die—I'd rather be nothing before anything could reach these treasures of my heart. I would walk barefoot through the world to find a safe place; I'd build my home on a piece of driftwood, tossed around on the empty, boundless ocean. I would take them to some wild animal's den, where I would take down a healthy tiger cub that had grown up there. I’d look for a mountain eagle's nest and spend years hidden in a remote crevice of a sea-facing cliff—nothing too difficult, no idea too crazy if it meant saving them. Oh! My heart, could you be torn apart, and my soul not dissolve into tears of blood from sorrow!

Idris, after the first shock, regained a portion of fortitude. She studiously shut out all prospect of the future, and cradled her heart in present blessings. She never for a moment lost sight of her children. But while they in health sported about her, she could cherish contentment and hope. A strange and wild restlessness came over me—the more intolerable, because I was forced to conceal it. My fears for Adrian were ceaseless; August had come; and the symptoms of plague encreased rapidly in London. It was deserted by all who possessed the power of removing; and he, the brother of my soul, was exposed to the perils from which all but slaves enchained by circumstance fled. He remained to combat the fiend—his side unguarded, his toils unshared—infection might even reach him, and he die unattended and alone. By day and night these thoughts pursued me. I resolved to visit London, to see him; to quiet these agonizing throes by the sweet medicine of hope, or the opiate of despair.

Idris, after the initial shock, regained some strength. She consciously blocked out all thoughts of the future and focused on the blessings of the present. She never lost sight of her children. As long as they were healthy and playing around her, she could find some comfort and hope. A strange and wild restlessness overcame me—the more unbearable because I had to hide it. My worries for Adrian were constant; August had arrived, and the signs of plague were increasing rapidly in London. It was emptying out as everyone who could leave did so; and he, the brother of my heart, was facing the dangers that everyone else, except those trapped by circumstances, was fleeing from. He stayed behind to fight the monster—his flank unprotected, his burdens not shared—infection could even reach him, and he could die unattended and alone. Day and night, these thoughts chased me. I decided to go to London to see him; to ease this torment with the sweet medicine of hope or the painkiller of despair.

It was not until I arrived at Brentford, that I perceived much change in the face of the country. The better sort of houses were shut up; the busy trade of the town palsied; there was an air of anxiety among the few passengers I met, and they looked wonderingly at my carriage—the first they had seen pass towards London, since pestilence sat on its high places, and possessed its busy streets. I met several funerals; they were slenderly attended by mourners, and were regarded by the spectators as omens of direst import. Some gazed on these processions with wild eagerness— others fled timidly—some wept aloud.

It wasn't until I got to Brentford that I noticed a lot of change in the countryside. The nicer houses were boarded up; the town's bustling economy was frozen; there was a sense of worry among the few people I encountered, and they looked on in amazement at my carriage—the first they'd seen heading towards London since the plague had taken hold and claimed the busy streets. I saw several funerals; they were sparsely attended by mourners, and the onlookers regarded them as bad omens. Some watched the processions with intense curiosity—others ran away in fear—some cried out loud.

Adrian’s chief endeavour, after the immediate succour of the sick, had been to disguise the symptoms and progress of the plague from the inhabitants of London. He knew that fear and melancholy forebodings were powerful assistants to disease; that desponding and brooding care rendered the physical nature of man peculiarly susceptible of infection. No unseemly sights were therefore discernible: the shops were in general open, the concourse of passengers in some degree kept up. But although the appearance of an infected town was avoided, to me, who had not beheld it since the commencement of the visitation, London appeared sufficiently changed. There were no carriages, and grass had sprung high in the streets; the houses had a desolate look; most of the shutters were closed; and there was a ghast and frightened stare in the persons I met, very different from the usual business-like demeanour of the Londoners. My solitary carriage attracted notice, as it rattled along towards the Protectoral Palace—and the fashionable streets leading to it wore a still more dreary and deserted appearance. I found Adrian’s anti-chamber crowded—it was his hour for giving audience. I was unwilling to disturb his labours, and waited, watching the ingress and egress of the petitioners. They consisted of people of the middling and lower classes of society, whose means of subsistence failed with the cessation of trade, and of the busy spirit of money-making in all its branches, peculiar to our country. There was an air of anxiety, sometimes of terror in the new-comers, strongly contrasted with the resigned and even satisfied mien of those who had had audience. I could read the influence of my friend in their quickened motions and cheerful faces. Two o’clock struck, after which none were admitted; those who had been disappointed went sullenly or sorrowfully away, while I entered the audience-chamber.

Adrian’s main goal, after immediately helping the sick, was to hide the signs and spread of the plague from the people of London. He understood that fear and gloomy predictions made disease worse; that feeling hopeless and constantly worrying made people more vulnerable to infection. Therefore, there were no unpleasant sights visible: shops were mostly open, and some crowds of people still gathered. But even though they tried to keep the town from looking infected, to me, someone who hadn't seen it since the start of the outbreak, London felt very different. There were no carriages, and grass had grown high in the streets; the houses looked empty and lonely; most shutters were closed, and the people I encountered had a scared and haunted look, quite unlike the usual busy demeanor of Londoners. My solitary carriage attracted attention as it rumbled toward the Protectoral Palace—and the trendy streets leading there seemed even more bleak and deserted. I found Adrian’s waiting room packed—it was his time for holding audience. I didn't want to interrupt his work, so I waited, observing the comings and goings of the applicants. They were mostly from the middle and lower classes, whose ability to make a living had vanished with the halt of trade and the usual drive for making money in all its forms, typical of our country. There was a sense of anxiety, sometimes even fear, in the newcomers, which sharply contrasted with the calm and even content expressions of those who had already met with him. I could see my friend's influence in their quick movements and happy faces. Two o'clock chimed, after which no one else was allowed in; those who were turned away left quietly or sadly, while I entered the audience chamber.

I was struck by the improvement that appeared in the health of Adrian. He was no longer bent to the ground, like an over-nursed flower of spring, that, shooting up beyond its strength, is weighed down even by its own coronal of blossoms. His eyes were bright, his countenance composed, an air of concentrated energy was diffused over his whole person, much unlike its former languor. He sat at a table with several secretaries, who were arranging petitions, or registering the notes made during that day’s audience. Two or three petitioners were still in attendance. I admired his justice and patience. Those who possessed a power of living out of London, he advised immediately to quit it, affording them the means of so doing. Others, whose trade was beneficial to the city, or who possessed no other refuge, he provided with advice for better avoiding the epidemic; relieving overloaded families, supplying the gaps made in others by death. Order, comfort, and even health, rose under his influence, as from the touch of a magician’s wand.

I was amazed at how much Adrian's health had improved. He was no longer hunched over like a flower that had been overwatered, pushing up beyond its limits, weighed down by its own blossoms. His eyes were bright, his face was calm, and there was a sense of focused energy radiating from him, completely different from his previous weakness. He sat at a table with a few secretaries who were organizing petitions and jotting down notes from that day's meetings. Two or three petitioners were still there. I admired his fairness and patience. He advised those who could leave London to do so immediately, giving them the means to get away. For others whose work was vital to the city or who had nowhere else to go, he offered tips to help them avoid the epidemic, supporting overwhelmed families and filling the gaps left by those who had died. Order, comfort, and even health flourished under his influence, as if touched by a magician's wand.

“I am glad you are come,” he said to me, when we were at last alone; “I can only spare a few minutes, and must tell you much in that time. The plague is now in progress—it is useless closing one’s eyes to the fact—the deaths encrease each week. What will come I cannot guess. As yet, thank God, I am equal to the government of the town; and I look only to the present. Ryland, whom I have so long detained, has stipulated that I shall suffer him to depart before the end of this month. The deputy appointed by parliament is dead; another therefore must be named; I have advanced my claim, and I believe that I shall have no competitor. To-night the question is to be decided, as there is a call of the house for the purpose. You must nominate me, Lionel; Ryland, for shame, cannot shew himself; but you, my friend, will do me this service?”

"I'm glad you came," he said to me when we were finally alone. "I can only spare a few minutes, and I need to tell you a lot in that time. The plague is spreading—there's no point in pretending otherwise—the number of deaths is increasing every week. I can't predict what will happen next. So far, thank God, I can manage the town; I'm focused only on the present. Ryland, whom I've kept here for so long, has insisted that I let him leave before the end of this month. The deputy appointed by parliament has died, so another one needs to be named; I've put in my claim, and I believe I won’t have any competition. Tonight, the decision will be made since there’s a call of the house for this purpose. You have to nominate me, Lionel; Ryland, out of shame, can't show his face; but you, my friend, will do me this favor?"

How lovely is devotion! Here was a youth, royally sprung, bred in luxury, by nature averse to the usual struggles of a public life, and now, in time of danger, at a period when to live was the utmost scope of the ambitious, he, the beloved and heroic Adrian, made, in sweet simplicity, an offer to sacrifice himself for the public good. The very idea was generous and noble,—but, beyond this, his unpretending manner, his entire want of the assumption of a virtue, rendered his act ten times more touching. I would have withstood his request; but I had seen the good he diffused; I felt that his resolves were not to be shaken, so, with an heavy heart, I consented to do as he asked. He grasped my hand affectionately:—“Thank you,” he said, “you have relieved me from a painful dilemma, and are, as you ever were, the best of my friends. Farewell—I must now leave you for a few hours. Go you and converse with Ryland. Although he deserts his post in London, he may be of the greatest service in the north of England, by receiving and assisting travellers, and contributing to supply the metropolis with food. Awaken him, I entreat you, to some sense of duty.”

How lovely is devotion! Here was a young man of royal birth, raised in luxury, naturally averse to the typical struggles of public life, and now, in a time of danger, when merely surviving was the ultimate goal for the ambitious, he, the beloved and heroic Adrian, simply and sweetly offered to sacrifice himself for the greater good. The very thought was generous and noble—but beyond that, his humble demeanor, his complete lack of pretension to virtue, made his act even more touching. I would have resisted his request; but I had witnessed the good he spread; I knew his resolve would not waver, so, with a heavy heart, I agreed to do as he asked. He took my hand warmly: “Thank you,” he said, “you’ve freed me from a difficult situation, and you are, as always, the best of my friends. Goodbye—I must leave you for a few hours. Go talk to Ryland. Even though he has abandoned his post in London, he might be of great help in the north of England, by accommodating and aiding travelers, and helping to supply the city with food. Please, wake him up to a sense of duty."

Adrian left me, as I afterwards learnt, upon his daily task of visiting the hospitals, and inspecting the crowded parts of London. I found Ryland much altered, even from what he had been when he visited Windsor. Perpetual fear had jaundiced his complexion, and shrivelled his whole person. I told him of the business of the evening, and a smile relaxed the contracted muscles. He desired to go; each day he expected to be infected by pestilence, each day he was unable to resist the gentle violence of Adrian’s detention. The moment Adrian should be legally elected his deputy, he would escape to safety. Under this impression he listened to all I said; and, elevated almost to joy by the near prospect of his departure, he entered into a discussion concerning the plans he should adopt in his own county, forgetting, for the moment, his cherished resolution of shutting himself up from all communication in the mansion and grounds of his estate.

Adrian left me, as I later learned, to carry out his daily routine of visiting the hospitals and checking on the crowded areas of London. I found Ryland quite changed, even from how he had been when he came to Windsor. Constant fear had drained his complexion and withered his entire being. I told him about the events of the evening, and a smile eased the tightness in his face. He wanted to leave; every day he feared he would catch the plague, yet every day he couldn't resist the gentle pressure of Adrian's insistence to stay. The moment Adrian was legally appointed as his deputy, he would escape to safety. With this thought in mind, he absorbed everything I said; almost filled with joy at the prospect of leaving, he began discussing the plans he would make in his own county, momentarily forgetting his long-held decision to isolate himself from all contact in the mansion and grounds of his estate.

In the evening, Adrian and I proceeded to Westminster. As we went he reminded me of what I was to say and do, yet, strange to say, I entered the chamber without having once reflected on my purpose. Adrian remained in the coffee-room, while I, in compliance with his desire, took my seat in St. Stephen’s. There reigned unusual silence in the chamber. I had not visited it since Raymond’s protectorate; a period conspicuous for a numerous attendance of members, for the eloquence of the speakers, and the warmth of the debate. The benches were very empty, those by custom occupied by the hereditary members were vacant; the city members were there—the members for the commercial towns, few landed proprietors, and not many of those who entered parliament for the sake of a career. The first subject that occupied the attention of the house was an address from the Lord Protector, praying them to appoint a deputy during a necessary absence on his part.

In the evening, Adrian and I headed to Westminster. As we walked, he reminded me of what I was supposed to say and do, but oddly enough, I entered the chamber without thinking about my purpose at all. Adrian stayed in the coffee room while I, following his request, took my seat in St. Stephen’s. There was an unusual silence in the chamber. I hadn’t been there since Raymond’s protectorate, a time known for a large number of members attending, the eloquence of the speakers, and lively debates. The benches were pretty empty; the ones usually occupied by hereditary members were vacant. The city members were present—the members from commercial towns, a few landowners, and not many who entered parliament just for a career. The first topic that grabbed the house's attention was an address from the Lord Protector, asking them to appoint a deputy during his necessary absence.

A silence prevailed, till one of the members coming to me, whispered that the Earl of Windsor had sent him word that I was to move his election, in the absence of the person who had been first chosen for this office. Now for the first time I saw the full extent of my task, and I was overwhelmed by what I had brought on myself. Ryland had deserted his post through fear of the plague: from the same fear Adrian had no competitor. And I, the nearest kinsman of the Earl of Windsor, was to propose his election. I was to thrust this selected and matchless friend into the post of danger— impossible! the die was cast—I would offer myself as candidate.

A silence hung in the air until one of the members approached me and whispered that the Earl of Windsor had sent word for me to propose his election, since the person originally chosen for the job was absent. For the first time, I realized just how heavy my responsibility was, and I was struck by the enormity of what I had taken on. Ryland had abandoned his position out of fear of the plague, and Adrian had no rivals for the role, also due to that same fear. And here I was, the closest relative of the Earl of Windsor, tasked with nominating him for election. I was about to put this cherished and exceptional friend into a position of danger—unthinkable! But the decision was made—I would put myself forward as a candidate.

The few members who were present, had come more for the sake of terminating the business by securing a legal attendance, than under the idea of a debate. I had risen mechanically—my knees trembled; irresolution hung on my voice, as I uttered a few words on the necessity of choosing a person adequate to the dangerous task in hand. But, when the idea of presenting myself in the room of my friend intruded, the load of doubt and pain was taken from off me. My words flowed spontaneously—my utterance was firm and quick. I adverted to what Adrian had already done—I promised the same vigilance in furthering all his views. I drew a touching picture of his vacillating health; I boasted of my own strength. I prayed them to save even from himself this scion of the noblest family in England. My alliance with him was the pledge of my sincerity, my union with his sister, my children, his presumptive heirs, were the hostages of my truth.

The few members who showed up were there more to wrap up the meeting legally than to actually engage in a debate. I stood up mechanically—my knees shook; uncertainty wavered in my voice as I said a few words about the importance of choosing someone capable for the risky task ahead. But when the thought of standing in my friend's place crossed my mind, the burden of doubt and pain lifted from me. My words flowed naturally—my delivery was confident and quick. I referred to what Adrian had already accomplished—I promised to remain just as vigilant in supporting all his goals. I painted a heartfelt picture of his unstable health; I boasted about my own strength. I urged them to protect this member of England's noblest family, even from himself. My connection with him was proof of my sincerity, and my union with his sister, our children, his likely heirs, served as guarantees of my loyalty.

This unexpected turn in the debate was quickly communicated to Adrian. He hurried in, and witnessed the termination of my impassioned harangue. I did not see him: my soul was in my words,—my eyes could not perceive that which was; while a vision of Adrian’s form, tainted by pestilence, and sinking in death, floated before them. He seized my hand, as I concluded— “Unkind!” he cried, “you have betrayed me!” then, springing forwards, with the air of one who had a right to command, he claimed the place of deputy as his own. He had bought it, he said, with danger, and paid for it with toil. His ambition rested there; and, after an interval devoted to the interests of his country, was I to step in, and reap the profit? Let them remember what London had been when he arrived: the panic that prevailed brought famine, while every moral and legal tie was loosened. He had restored order—this had been a work which required perseverance, patience, and energy; and he had neither slept nor waked but for the good of his country.—Would they dare wrong him thus? Would they wrest his hard-earned reward from him, to bestow it on one, who, never having mingled in public life, would come a tyro to the craft, in which he was an adept. He demanded the place of deputy as his right. Ryland had shewn that he preferred him. Never before had he, who was born even to the inheritance of the throne of England, never had he asked favour or honour from those now his equals, but who might have been his subjects. Would they refuse him? Could they thrust back from the path of distinction and laudable ambition, the heir of their ancient kings, and heap another disappointment on a fallen house.

This unexpected shift in the debate was quickly relayed to Adrian. He rushed in and saw the end of my passionate speech. I didn’t notice him; I was lost in my words—my eyes couldn’t see what was there, while a vision of Adrian’s sickly form, weakening and nearing death, floated before me. He grabbed my hand as I finished—“Unkind!” he exclaimed, “you’ve betrayed me!” Then, stepping forward with the authority of someone who had a claim, he asserted that the position of deputy was rightfully his. He said he had earned it through danger and hard work. His ambition rested there; after dedicating himself to his country, was I supposed to step in and take the rewards? They should remember what London was like when he arrived: the panic had led to famine, and every moral and legal connection had frayed. He had restored order—this had required perseverance, patience, and energy; and he had neither slept nor awakened except for the sake of his country. Would they dare wrong him like this? Would they snatch away his hard-earned reward to give it to someone who had never been involved in public life and would come as a beginner to the craft in which he was skilled? He demanded the position of deputy as his right. Ryland had shown that he preferred him. Never before had he, who was born even to inherit the throne of England, asked for favor or honor from those who were now his equals but could have been his subjects. Would they refuse him? Could they push aside the heir of their ancient kings from the path of distinction and worthy ambition, adding another disappointment to a fallen dynasty?

No one had ever before heard Adrian allude to the rights of his ancestors. None had ever before suspected, that power, or the suffrage of the many, could in any manner become dear to him. He had begun his speech with vehemence; he ended with unassuming gentleness, making his appeal with the same humility, as if he had asked to be the first in wealth, honour, and power among Englishmen, and not, as was the truth, to be the foremost in the ranks of loathsome toils and inevitable death. A murmur of approbation rose after his speech. “Oh, do not listen to him,” I cried, “he speaks false—false to himself,”—I was interrupted: and, silence being restored, we were ordered, as was the custom, to retire during the decision of the house. I fancied that they hesitated, and that there was some hope for me—I was mistaken—hardly had we quitted the chamber, before Adrian was recalled, and installed in his office of Lord Deputy to the Protector.

No one had ever heard Adrian mention his ancestors' rights before. No one had ever suspected that power or the votes of the many could mean anything to him. He started his speech with passion; he ended with modest kindness, making his appeal with the same humility as if he had asked to be the richest, most honored, and most powerful among the English, rather than, as it really was, to be the highest among the ranks of miserable labor and certain death. A murmur of approval rose after his speech. “Oh, don’t listen to him,” I shouted, “he’s being dishonest—dishonest to himself,”—I was interrupted, and once silence was restored, we were told, as usual, to leave while the house made its decision. I thought they were hesitating, and that there was some hope for me—I was wrong—hardly had we left the chamber before Adrian was called back and appointed as Lord Deputy to the Protector.

We returned together to the palace. “Why, Lionel,” said Adrian, “what did you intend? you could not hope to conquer, and yet you gave me the pain of a triumph over my dearest friend.”

We went back to the palace together. “Why, Lionel,” Adrian said, “what were you thinking? You couldn't expect to win, and yet you made me feel the hurt of beating my closest friend.”

“This is mockery,” I replied, “you devote yourself,—you, the adored brother of Idris, the being, of all the world contains, dearest to our hearts—you devote yourself to an early death. I would have prevented this; my death would be a small evil—or rather I should not die; while you cannot hope to escape.”

“This is ridiculous,” I replied, “you devote yourself— you, the beloved brother of Idris, the one who is most cherished in our hearts—you’re choosing an early death. I would have stopped this; my death would be a minor issue—or actually, I shouldn’t die at all; while you have no chance of escaping.”

“As to the likelihood of escaping,” said Adrian, “ten years hence the cold stars may shine on the graves of all of us; but as to my peculiar liability to infection, I could easily prove, both logically and physically, that in the midst of contagion I have a better chance of life than you.

“As for the chance of escaping,” said Adrian, “ten years from now, the cold stars might shine on all our graves; but regarding my unique susceptibility to infection, I could easily demonstrate, both logically and physically, that in the middle of a contagious outbreak, I have a better chance of survival than you do.”

“This is my post: I was born for this—to rule England in anarchy, to save her in danger—to devote myself for her. The blood of my forefathers cries aloud in my veins, and bids me be first among my countrymen. Or, if this mode of speech offend you, let me say, that my mother, the proud queen, instilled early into me a love of distinction, and all that, if the weakness of my physical nature and my peculiar opinions had not prevented such a design, might have made me long since struggle for the lost inheritance of my race. But now my mother, or, if you will, my mother’s lessons, awaken within me. I cannot lead on to battle; I cannot, through intrigue and faithlessness rear again the throne upon the wreck of English public spirit. But I can be the first to support and guard my country, now that terrific disasters and ruin have laid strong hands upon her.

“This is my post: I was born for this—to rule England in chaos, to save her in danger—to dedicate myself to her. The blood of my ancestors runs strongly in my veins and compels me to be a leader among my people. Or, if that offends you, let me say that my mother, the proud queen, instilled in me from an early age a desire for greatness, and all of that, if my physical limitations and unique views hadn’t stopped me, might have pushed me to fight for my family's lost legacy a long time ago. But now, my mother, or rather, her teachings, stir something inside me. I can’t lead an army into battle; I can’t, through trickery or betrayal, restore the throne on the ruins of English spirit. But I can be the first to support and protect my country now that terrible disasters and destruction have a firm grip on her.

“That country and my beloved sister are all I have. I will protect the first—the latter I commit to your charge. If I survive, and she be lost, I were far better dead. Preserve her—for her own sake I know that you will—if you require any other spur, think that, in preserving her, you preserve me. Her faultless nature, one sum of perfections, is wrapt up in her affections—if they were hurt, she would droop like an unwatered floweret, and the slightest injury they receive is a nipping frost to her. Already she fears for us. She fears for the children she adores, and for you, the father of these, her lover, husband, protector; and you must be near her to support and encourage her. Return to Windsor then, my brother; for such you are by every tie—fill the double place my absence imposes on you, and let me, in all my sufferings here, turn my eyes towards that dear seclusion, and say—There is peace.”

“That country and my dear sister are all I have. I will protect the first—the latter I trust to your care. If I survive and she is lost, I would be much better off dead. Keep her safe—for her own sake, I know you will—if you need another reason, remember that by preserving her, you also preserve me. Her flawless nature, a collection of perfections, is tied to her feelings—if they are hurt, she will wilt like a flower without water, and even the smallest injury they endure is like a biting frost to her. She already worries about us. She fears for the children she loves and for you, the father of them, her lover, husband, and protector; you must be close to her to support and encourage her. So return to Windsor, my brother; for that is what you are by every bond—fill the double role my absence forces upon you, and let me, in all my suffering here, look towards that beloved retreat and say—There is peace.”

[7] Shakespeare’s Sonnets.

Shakespeare's Sonnets.

CHAPTER VII.

I did proceed to Windsor, but not with the intention of remaining there. I went but to obtain the consent of Idris, and then to return and take my station beside my unequalled friend; to share his labours, and save him, if so it must be, at the expence of my life. Yet I dreaded to witness the anguish which my resolve might excite in Idris. I had vowed to my own heart never to shadow her countenance even with transient grief, and should I prove recreant at the hour of greatest need? I had begun my journey with anxious haste; now I desired to draw it out through the course of days and months. I longed to avoid the necessity of action; I strove to escape from thought—vainly—futurity, like a dark image in a phantasmagoria, came nearer and more near, till it clasped the whole earth in its shadow.

I went to Windsor, but not with the plan to stay there. I only intended to get Idris's agreement and then go back to my incredible friend; to support him in his efforts and save him if it came to that, even at the cost of my own life. Still, I was worried about the pain my decision might bring to Idris. I had promised myself never to bring even a small amount of sadness to her face, and what if I wavered at the moment of greatest need? I had started my journey with a sense of urgency; now I wanted to stretch it out over days and months. I wanted to avoid the need to act; I struggled to escape from my thoughts—hopelessly—while the future loomed like a dark image in a magic show, growing closer and closer until it enveloped the entire world in its shadow.

A slight circumstance induced me to alter my usual route, and to return home by Egham and Bishopgate. I alighted at Perdita’s ancient abode, her cottage; and, sending forward the carriage, determined to walk across the park to the castle. This spot, dedicated to sweetest recollections, the deserted house and neglected garden were well adapted to nurse my melancholy. In our happiest days, Perdita had adorned her cottage with every aid art might bring, to that which nature had selected to favour. In the same spirit of exaggeration she had, on the event of her separation from Raymond, caused it to be entirely neglected. It was now in ruin: the deer had climbed the broken palings, and reposed among the flowers; grass grew on the threshold, and the swinging lattice creaking to the wind, gave signal of utter desertion. The sky was blue above, and the air impregnated with fragrance by the rare flowers that grew among the weeds. The trees moved overhead, awakening nature’s favourite melody—but the melancholy appearance of the choaked paths, and weed-grown flower-beds, dimmed even this gay summer scene. The time when in proud and happy security we assembled at this cottage, was gone—soon the present hours would join those past, and shadows of future ones rose dark and menacing from the womb of time, their cradle and their bier. For the first time in my life I envied the sleep of the dead, and thought with pleasure of one’s bed under the sod, where grief and fear have no power. I passed through the gap of the broken paling—I felt, while I disdained, the choaking tears—I rushed into the depths of the forest. O death and change, rulers of our life, where are ye, that I may grapple with you! What was there in our tranquillity, that excited your envy—in our happiness, that ye should destroy it? We were happy, loving, and beloved; the horn of Amalthea contained no blessing unshowered upon us, but, alas!

A small event made me change my usual route and head home through Egham and Bishopgate. I got out at Perdita’s old home, her cottage, and after sending the carriage ahead, I decided to walk across the park to the castle. This place, filled with sweet memories, was perfect for indulging my sadness with the abandoned house and overgrown garden. In our happiest days, Perdita had decorated her cottage with everything art could provide to enhance what nature had already given. Following her typical dramatic style, after her separation from Raymond, she let it fall into neglect completely. Now it lay in ruins: the deer had climbed over the broken fences and were lounging among the flowers; grass grew over the threshold, and the creaking lattice swinging in the wind signaled utter abandonment. The sky was blue above, and the air was filled with the fragrance of rare flowers growing among the weeds. The trees swayed overhead, evoking nature’s favorite melody—but the sad sight of the choked paths and weed-filled flower beds dulled even this bright summer scene. The days when we proudly and happily gathered at this cottage were over—soon the present would join the past, and ominous shadows of future moments loomed darkly from the depths of time, both their cradle and their grave. For the first time in my life, I envied the sleep of the dead and found comfort in the idea of resting under the soil, where grief and fear hold no power. I passed through the gap in the broken fence—I felt, despite my disdain, the choking tears—and I rushed into the depths of the forest. O death and change, the rulers of our lives, where are you, that I may confront you! What was it in our peace that stirred your envy—in our happiness, that you chose to destroy it? We were happy, loving, and loved; the horn of Amalthea showered us with every blessing, but, alas!

        la fortuna
deidad barbara importuna,
oy cadaver y ayer flor,
no permanece jamas![8]

la fortuna
imposing and troublesome deity,
today a corpse and yesterday a flower,
never lasts![8]

As I wandered on thus ruminating, a number of country people passed me. They seemed full of careful thought, and a few words of their conversation that reached me, induced me to approach and make further enquiries. A party of people flying from London, as was frequent in those days, had come up the Thames in a boat. No one at Windsor would afford them shelter; so, going a little further up, they remained all night in a deserted hut near Bolter’s lock. They pursued their way the following morning, leaving one of their company behind them, sick of the plague. This circumstance once spread abroad, none dared approach within half a mile of the infected neighbourhood, and the deserted wretch was left to fight with disease and death in solitude, as he best might. I was urged by compassion to hasten to the hut, for the purpose of ascertaining his situation, and administering to his wants.

As I walked along, lost in thought, a group of locals passed by me. They seemed deep in consideration, and a few snippets of their conversation caught my attention, prompting me to approach and ask more questions. A group of people fleeing London, which was common back then, had made their way up the Thames in a boat. No one in Windsor would give them shelter, so they moved a bit further up and spent the night in an abandoned hut near Bolter’s lock. The next morning, they continued on their way, leaving one of their group behind, sick with the plague. News of this quickly spread, and no one dared come within half a mile of the infected area, leaving the unfortunate man to battle disease and death alone as best he could. I felt a strong urge of compassion to hurry to the hut to see how he was doing and to help with his needs.

As I advanced I met knots of country-people talking earnestly of this event: distant as they were from the apprehended contagion, fear was impressed on every countenance. I passed by a group of these terrorists, in a lane in the direct road to the hut. One of them stopped me, and, conjecturing that I was ignorant of the circumstance, told me not to go on, for that an infected person lay but at a short distance.

As I walked forward, I came across groups of locals discussing this event seriously: even though they were far from the expected danger, fear showed on every face. I walked past a group of these worried people in a lane that led straight to the hut. One of them stopped me, thinking I didn't know what was happening, and warned me not to continue because an infected person was nearby.

“I know it,” I replied, “and I am going to see in what condition the poor fellow is.”

“I know,” I said, “and I’m going to check on how the poor guy is doing.”

A murmur of surprise and horror ran through the assembly. I continued:—“This poor wretch is deserted, dying, succourless; in these unhappy times, God knows how soon any or all of us may be in like want. I am going to do, as I would be done by.”

A murmur of surprise and horror went through the crowd. I continued:—“This poor soul is abandoned, dying, without help; in these tough times, who knows how soon any of us could be in the same situation. I’m going to act as I would want someone to act for me.”

“But you will never be able to return to the Castle—Lady Idris—his children—” in confused speech were the words that struck my ear.

“But you will never be able to return to the Castle—Lady Idris—his children—” the confused words that hit my ear.

“Do you not know, my friends,” I said, “that the Earl himself, now Lord Protector, visits daily, not only those probably infected by this disease, but the hospitals and pest houses, going near, and even touching the sick? yet he was never in better health. You labour under an entire mistake as to the nature of the plague; but do not fear, I do not ask any of you to accompany me, nor to believe me, until I return safe and sound from my patient.”

“Don’t you know, my friends,” I said, “that the Earl himself, now Lord Protector, visits every day, not just those likely infected by this disease, but also the hospitals and pest houses, getting close and even touching the sick? Yet he has never been healthier. You’re completely mistaken about the nature of the plague; but don’t worry, I’m not asking any of you to come with me or to believe me until I return safe and sound from my patient.”

So I left them, and hurried on. I soon arrived at the hut: the door was ajar. I entered, and one glance assured me that its former inhabitant was no more—he lay on a heap of straw, cold and stiff; while a pernicious effluvia filled the room, and various stains and marks served to shew the virulence of the disorder.

So I left them and rushed on. I quickly reached the hut: the door was open. I went inside, and one look told me that its last occupant was gone—he was on a pile of straw, cold and stiff; a terrible smell filled the room, and various stains and marks showed the severity of the illness.

I had never before beheld one killed by pestilence. While every mind was full of dismay at its effects, a craving for excitement had led us to peruse De Foe’s account, and the masterly delineations of the author of Arthur Mervyn. The pictures drawn in these books were so vivid, that we seemed to have experienced the results depicted by them. But cold were the sensations excited by words, burning though they were, and describing the death and misery of thousands, compared to what I felt in looking on the corpse of this unhappy stranger. This indeed was the plague. I raised his rigid limbs, I marked the distortion of his face, and the stony eyes lost to perception. As I was thus occupied, chill horror congealed my blood, making my flesh quiver and my hair to stand on end. Half insanely I spoke to the dead. So the plague killed you, I muttered. How came this? Was the coming painful? You look as if the enemy had tortured, before he murdered you. And now I leapt up precipitately, and escaped from the hut, before nature could revoke her laws, and inorganic words be breathed in answer from the lips of the departed.

I had never seen someone killed by disease before. While everyone was filled with dread about its effects, a desire for excitement led us to read Defoe’s account and the skillful descriptions by the author of Arthur Mervyn. The images in these books were so vivid that we felt we had experienced the results they described. But the feelings stirred up by words, no matter how intense, that talked about the death and suffering of thousands, paled in comparison to what I felt when looking at the body of this unfortunate stranger. This was truly the plague. I lifted his stiff limbs, noticed the distortion of his face, and the lifeless eyes that had lost all perception. As I was doing this, chilling horror froze my blood, making my flesh tremble and my hair stand on end. I spoke half-madly to the dead. So the plague killed you, I muttered. How did this happen? Did it hurt when you died? You look like the enemy tortured you before killing you. And then I suddenly jumped up and ran out of the hut, before nature could reclaim its laws, and the lifeless lips of the departed could breathe inorganic words in response.

On returning through the lane, I saw at a distance the same assemblage of persons which I had left. They hurried away, as soon as they saw me; my agitated mien added to their fear of coming near one who had entered within the verge of contagion.

On my way back through the lane, I saw the same group of people I had left. They rushed away as soon as they spotted me; my anxious appearance increased their fear of getting close to someone who had been exposed to the risk of infection.

At a distance from facts one draws conclusions which appear infallible, which yet when put to the test of reality, vanish like unreal dreams. I had ridiculed the fears of my countrymen, when they related to others; now that they came home to myself, I paused. The Rubicon, I felt, was passed; and it behoved me well to reflect what I should do on this hither side of disease and danger. According to the vulgar superstition, my dress, my person, the air I breathed, bore in it mortal danger to myself and others. Should I return to the Castle, to my wife and children, with this taint upon me? Not surely if I were infected; but I felt certain that I was not—a few hours would determine the question—I would spend these in the forest, in reflection on what was to come, and what my future actions were to be. In the feeling communicated to me by the sight of one struck by the plague, I forgot the events that had excited me so strongly in London; new and more painful prospects, by degrees were cleared of the mist which had hitherto veiled them. The question was no longer whether I should share Adrian’s toils and danger; but in what manner I could, in Windsor and the neighbourhood, imitate the prudence and zeal which, under his government, produced order and plenty in London, and how, now pestilence had spread more widely, I could secure the health of my own family.

At a distance from the facts, people draw conclusions that seem undeniable, but when tested against reality, they disappear like false dreams. I had mocked my countrymen’s fears when they shared them with others; now that those fears were directed at me, I hesitated. I felt that the point of no return had been crossed; it was essential for me to reflect on what to do before facing illness and danger. According to common superstition, my clothes, my body, the air I breathed carried a serious risk to myself and others. Should I go back to the Castle, to my wife and kids, with this risk hanging over me? Definitely not if I were infected; but I was convinced that I wasn’t— a few hours would clarify that—I would spend this time in the forest, thinking about what was to come and what my future actions should be. The feeling stirred in me by seeing someone stricken by the plague made me forget the events that had upset me so much in London; gradually, new and more painful realities became clearer, shedding the haze that had clouded them before. The issue was no longer whether I should share Adrian’s struggles and risks; it was about how I could, in Windsor and the surrounding areas, emulate the caution and dedication that, under his leadership, brought order and prosperity to London, and how, as the plague spread further, I could ensure the health of my own family.

I spread the whole earth out as a map before me. On no one spot of its surface could I put my finger and say, here is safety. In the south, the disease, virulent and immedicable, had nearly annihilated the race of man; storm and inundation, poisonous winds and blights, filled up the measure of suffering. In the north it was worse—the lesser population gradually declined, and famine and plague kept watch on the survivors, who, helpless and feeble, were ready to fall an easy prey into their hands.

I spread the entire earth out like a map in front of me. I couldn't point to any one place on its surface and say, here is safety. In the south, a deadly disease, both fierce and untreatable, had nearly wiped out humanity; storms, floods, toxic winds, and blights added to the suffering. It was even worse in the north—the smaller population kept dwindling, while famine and plague stalked the survivors, who, weak and vulnerable, were easy targets.

I contracted my view to England. The overgrown metropolis, the great heart of mighty Britain, was pulseless. Commerce had ceased. All resort for ambition or pleasure was cut off—the streets were grass-grown—the houses empty—the few, that from necessity remained, seemed already branded with the taint of inevitable pestilence. In the larger manufacturing towns the same tragedy was acted on a smaller, yet more disastrous scale. There was no Adrian to superintend and direct, while whole flocks of the poor were struck and killed. Yet we were not all to die. No truly, though thinned, the race of man would continue, and the great plague would, in after years, become matter of history and wonder. Doubtless this visitation was for extent unexampled—more need that we should work hard to dispute its progress; ere this men have gone out in sport, and slain their thousands and tens of thousands; but now man had become a creature of price; the life of one of them was of more worth than the so called treasures of kings. Look at his thought-endued countenance, his graceful limbs, his majestic brow, his wondrous mechanism—the type and model of this best work of God is not to be cast aside as a broken vessel—he shall be preserved, and his children and his children’s children carry down the name and form of man to latest time.

I narrowed my focus to England. The overgrown city, the beating heart of Britain, was lifeless. Business had stopped. All avenues for ambition or enjoyment were gone—the streets were overrun with grass—the houses were empty—the few that remained out of necessity seemed already marked by the threat of disease. In the larger industrial towns, the same tragedy played out on a smaller, yet more devastating scale. There was no leader to manage and guide, while entire groups of the poor were struck down. Yet we would not all perish. Truly, even though the population was reduced, humanity would persist, and in later years, the great plague would become a topic of history and amazement. Surely, this outbreak was unprecedented in its scale—more reason for us to work hard to limit its spread; before this, people went out for fun and killed thousands, but now human life had become precious; the life of one was worth more than the so-called treasures of kings. Look at his thoughtful face, his graceful body, his majestic forehead, his incredible design—the finest work of God should not be discarded like a broken object—he will be preserved, and his children and grandchildren will carry on the name and form of humanity for generations to come.

Above all I must guard those entrusted by nature and fate to my especial care. And surely, if among all my fellow-creatures I were to select those who might stand forth examples of the greatness and goodness of man, I could choose no other than those allied to me by the most sacred ties. Some from among the family of man must survive, and these should be among the survivors; that should be my task—to accomplish it my own life were a small sacrifice. There then in that castle—in Windsor Castle, birth-place of Idris and my babes, should be the haven and retreat for the wrecked bark of human society. Its forest should be our world—its garden afford us food; within its walls I would establish the shaken throne of health. I was an outcast and a vagabond, when Adrian gently threw over me the silver net of love and civilization, and linked me inextricably to human charities and human excellence. I was one, who, though an aspirant after good, and an ardent lover of wisdom, was yet unenrolled in any list of worth, when Idris, the princely born, who was herself the personification of all that was divine in woman, she who walked the earth like a poet’s dream, as a carved goddess endued with sense, or pictured saint stepping from the canvas—she, the most worthy, chose me, and gave me herself—a priceless gift.

Above all, I must protect those that nature and fate have entrusted to my special care. If I had to pick examples of the greatness and goodness of humanity among all my fellow beings, I could only choose those connected to me by the most sacred bonds. Some from the human family must survive, and these should be among the ones who do; that should be my mission—sacrificing my own life for this cause would be a small price to pay. So then, in that castle—in Windsor Castle, the birthplace of Idris and my children—should be the refuge and sanctuary for the damaged vessel of human society. Its forest should be our world—its garden would provide us with food; within its walls, I would establish a reinstated throne of health. I was an outcast and a wanderer when Adrian gently enveloped me in the silver net of love and civilization, connecting me intimately to human kindness and human excellence. I was someone who, although striving for goodness and fervently in love with wisdom, was still not recognized on any list of worth when Idris, the noble-born, who embodied all that is divine in woman, walked the earth like a poet’s dream, like a carved goddess endowed with understanding, or a painted saint stepping from the canvas—she, the most deserving, chose me and gave me herself—a priceless gift.

During several hours I continued thus to meditate, till hunger and fatigue brought me back to the passing hour, then marked by long shadows cast from the descending sun. I had wandered towards Bracknel, far to the west of Windsor. The feeling of perfect health which I enjoyed, assured me that I was free from contagion. I remembered that Idris had been kept in ignorance of my proceedings. She might have heard of my return from London, and my visit to Bolter’s Lock, which, connected with my continued absence, might tend greatly to alarm her. I returned to Windsor by the Long Walk, and passing through the town towards the Castle, I found it in a state of agitation and disturbance.

For several hours, I kept meditating until hunger and fatigue pulled me back to the present moment, marked by the long shadows cast by the setting sun. I had wandered toward Bracknel, far to the west of Windsor. The feeling of perfect health I had assured me that I wasn't contagious. I remembered that Idris had been kept in the dark about what I was doing. She might have heard about my return from London and my visit to Bolter’s Lock, which, along with my prolonged absence, could really worry her. I made my way back to Windsor along the Long Walk, and as I passed through the town toward the Castle, I noticed it was in a state of agitation and disturbance.

“It is too late to be ambitious,” says Sir Thomas Browne. “We cannot hope to live so long in our names as some have done in their persons; one face of Janus holds no proportion to the other.” Upon this text many fanatics arose, who prophesied that the end of time was come. The spirit of superstition had birth, from the wreck of our hopes, and antics wild and dangerous were played on the great theatre, while the remaining particle of futurity dwindled into a point in the eyes of the prognosticators. Weak-spirited women died of fear as they listened to their denunciations; men of robust form and seeming strength fell into idiotcy and madness, racked by the dread of coming eternity. A man of this kind was now pouring forth his eloquent despair among the inhabitants of Windsor. The scene of the morning, and my visit to the dead, which had been spread abroad, had alarmed the country-people, so they had become fit instruments to be played upon by a maniac.

“It’s too late to be ambitious,” says Sir Thomas Browne. “We can’t expect to live on in our names as some have done in their lives; one side of Janus doesn’t match the other.” Because of this, many fanatics emerged, claiming that the end of time had come. The spirit of superstition was born from the collapse of our hopes, leading to wild and dangerous antics on the grand stage, while the remaining glimpse of the future shrank to nothing in the eyes of the so-called seers. Cowardly women died from fear as they listened to their warnings; strong men fell into stupidity and madness, plagued by the terror of an impending eternity. A man like this was now sharing his passionate despair with the people of Windsor. The events of the morning, and my visit to the dead, which had spread throughout the area, had frightened the locals, making them easy targets for a madman.

The poor wretch had lost his young wife and lovely infant by the plague. He was a mechanic; and, rendered unable to attend to the occupation which supplied his necessities, famine was added to his other miseries. He left the chamber which contained his wife and child—wife and child no more, but “dead earth upon the earth”—wild with hunger, watching and grief, his diseased fancy made him believe himself sent by heaven to preach the end of time to the world. He entered the churches, and foretold to the congregations their speedy removal to the vaults below. He appeared like the forgotten spirit of the time in the theatres, and bade the spectators go home and die. He had been seized and confined; he had escaped and wandered from London among the neighbouring towns, and, with frantic gestures and thrilling words, he unveiled to each their hidden fears, and gave voice to the soundless thought they dared not syllable. He stood under the arcade of the town-hall of Windsor, and from this elevation harangued a trembling crowd.

The poor guy had lost his young wife and beautiful baby to the plague. He was a tradesman, and since he couldn't work to support himself, hunger added to his other troubles. He left the room where his wife and child once were—no longer his wife and child, but "dead earth upon the earth"—driven mad by hunger, sleeplessness, and grief. His sick imagination convinced him he was sent by heaven to warn the world of the end times. He entered churches and warned congregations about their quick descent to the grave. He showed up in theaters like a forgotten spirit of the era, telling the audience to go home and die. He had been captured and locked up; he escaped and wandered from London to nearby towns, using wild gestures and powerful words to reveal their hidden fears, giving voice to thoughts they were too scared to express. He stood under the arcade of the town hall in Windsor and passionately spoke to a trembling crowd.

“Hear, O ye inhabitants of the earth,” he cried, “hear thou, all seeing, but most pitiless Heaven! hear thou too, O tempest-tossed heart, which breathes out these words, yet faints beneath their meaning! Death is among us! The earth is beautiful and flower-bedecked, but she is our grave! The clouds of heaven weep for us—the pageantry of the stars is but our funeral torchlight. Grey headed men, ye hoped for yet a few years in your long-known abode—but the lease is up, you must remove—children, ye will never reach maturity, even now the small grave is dug for ye— mothers, clasp them in your arms, one death embraces you!”

“Hear, you inhabitants of the earth,” he cried, “listen, all-seeing but merciless Heaven! Listen too, O tempest-tossed heart, that speaks these words yet falters under their meaning! Death is among us! The earth is beautiful and covered in flowers, but it is our grave! The clouds of heaven weep for us—the splendor of the stars is just our funeral torchlight. Grey-haired men, you hoped for a few more years in your well-known home—but the time is up, you must move on—children, you will never grow up, even now the small grave is dug for you—mothers, hold them close, one death embraces you!”

Shuddering, he stretched out his hands, his eyes cast up, seemed bursting from their sockets, while he appeared to follow shapes, to us invisible, in the yielding air—“There they are,” he cried, “the dead! They rise in their shrouds, and pass in silent procession towards the far land of their doom—their bloodless lips move not—their shadowy limbs are void of motion, while still they glide onwards. We come,” he exclaimed, springing forwards, “for what should we wait? Haste, my friends, apparel yourselves in the court-dress of death. Pestilence will usher you to his presence. Why thus long? they, the good, the wise, and the beloved, are gone before. Mothers, kiss you last—husbands, protectors no more, lead on the partners of your death! Come, O come! while the dear ones are yet in sight, for soon they will pass away, and we never never shall join them more.”

Shuddering, he stretched out his hands, his eyes wide and seeming ready to pop out of their sockets, as he seemed to follow shapes in the air that we couldn't see. “There they are!” he shouted. “The dead! They rise in their shrouds and move in a silent line toward the distant land of their fate— their bloodless lips don’t move— their shadowy limbs are motionless, yet they keep gliding forward. We’re here,” he exclaimed, rushing forward, “why should we wait? Hurry, my friends, put on the attire of death. Pestilence will bring you to his presence. Why wait any longer? The good, the wise, and the loved ones have already gone ahead. Mothers, kiss your loved ones goodbye—husbands, no longer protectors, lead on your partners in death! Come, oh come! while the dear ones are still in view, for soon they will fade away, and we will never, ever join them again.”

From such ravings as these, he would suddenly become collected, and with unexaggerated but terrific words, paint the horrors of the time; describe with minute detail, the effects of the plague on the human frame, and tell heart-breaking tales of the snapping of dear affinities—the gasping horror of despair over the death-bed of the last beloved—so that groans and even shrieks burst from the crowd. One man in particular stood in front, his eyes fixt on the prophet, his mouth open, his limbs rigid, while his face changed to various colours, yellow, blue, and green, through intense fear. The maniac caught his glance, and turned his eye on him— one has heard of the gaze of the rattle-snake, which allures the trembling victim till he falls within his jaws. The maniac became composed; his person rose higher; authority beamed from his countenance. He looked on the peasant, who began to tremble, while he still gazed; his knees knocked together; his teeth chattered. He at last fell down in convulsions. “That man has the plague,” said the maniac calmly. A shriek burst from the lips of the poor wretch; and then sudden motionlessness came over him; it was manifest to all that he was dead.

From his wild rants, he would suddenly regain focus and, with chilling but straightforward words, illustrate the horrors of the time; he would describe in intricate detail the effects of the plague on the human body and share heartbreaking stories of severed connections—the anguish of despair at the deathbed of the last loved one—resulting in groans and even screams from the crowd. One man in particular stood at the front, his eyes fixed on the prophet, his mouth open, his limbs stiff, while his face changed to various colors—yellow, blue, and green—due to intense fear. The maniac caught his gaze and turned his eyes on him—one might have heard of the gaze of a rattlesnake, which draws in the trembling victim until they fall into its grasp. The maniac became calm; he stood taller, exuding authority. He looked at the peasant, who began to shake while continuing to stare; his knees knocked together, and his teeth chattered. Eventually, he collapsed in convulsions. “That man has the plague,” the maniac said calmly. A scream escaped the lips of the poor man, and then he suddenly went still; it was clear to everyone that he was dead.

Cries of horror filled the place—every one endeavoured to effect his escape—in a few minutes the market place was cleared—the corpse lay on the ground; and the maniac, subdued and exhausted, sat beside it, leaning his gaunt cheek upon his thin hand. Soon some people, deputed by the magistrates, came to remove the body; the unfortunate being saw a jailor in each—he fled precipitately, while I passed onwards to the Castle.

Cries of terror filled the area—everyone tried to get away—within minutes the market was empty—the body lay on the ground; and the madman, worn out and subdued, sat beside it, resting his bony cheek on his thin hand. Soon, a few people sent by the magistrates arrived to take the body away; the unfortunate man saw a jailer in each of them—he ran away in a panic, while I continued on to the Castle.

Death, cruel and relentless, had entered these beloved walls. An old servant, who had nursed Idris in infancy, and who lived with us more on the footing of a revered relative than a domestic, had gone a few days before to visit a daughter, married, and settled in the neighbourhood of London. On the night of her return she sickened of the plague. From the haughty and unbending nature of the Countess of Windsor, Idris had few tender filial associations with her. This good woman had stood in the place of a mother, and her very deficiencies of education and knowledge, by rendering her humble and defenceless, endeared her to us—she was the especial favourite of the children. I found my poor girl, there is no exaggeration in the expression, wild with grief and dread. She hung over the patient in agony, which was not mitigated when her thoughts wandered towards her babes, for whom she feared infection. My arrival was like the newly discovered lamp of a lighthouse to sailors, who are weathering some dangerous point. She deposited her appalling doubts in my hands; she relied on my judgment, and was comforted by my participation in her sorrow. Soon our poor nurse expired; and the anguish of suspense was changed to deep regret, which though at first more painful, yet yielded with greater readiness to my consolations. Sleep, the sovereign balm, at length steeped her tearful eyes in forgetfulness.

Death, cruel and unyielding, had entered these cherished walls. An old servant who had cared for Idris as a baby, and who lived with us more like a beloved family member than a domestic, had gone a few days earlier to visit her daughter, who was married and settled near London. On the night of her return, she fell ill with the plague. Because of the haughty and rigid nature of the Countess of Windsor, Idris had few affectionate memories of her. This kind woman had taken on the role of a mother, and her lack of education and knowledge, which made her humble and vulnerable, endeared her to us—she was particularly beloved by the children. I found my poor girl, and there’s no exaggeration in saying she was distraught with grief and fear. She leaned over the sick woman in agony, which only grew when she thought about her little ones, fearing for their safety. My arrival felt like the newly discovered light of a lighthouse to sailors navigating a treacherous stretch. She poured her overwhelming worries into my hands; she trusted my judgment, and found comfort in my shared sorrow. Soon, our poor nurse passed away; and the anguish of uncertainty turned into deep regret, which, although initially more painful, was more easily soothed by my words. Eventually, sleep, the ultimate relief, finally closed her tear-filled eyes in forgetfulness.

She slept; and quiet prevailed in the Castle, whose inhabitants were hushed to repose. I was awake, and during the long hours of dead night, my busy thoughts worked in my brain, like ten thousand mill-wheels, rapid, acute, untameable. All slept—all England slept; and from my window, commanding a wide prospect of the star-illumined country, I saw the land stretched out in placid rest. I was awake, alive, while the brother of death possessed my race. What, if the more potent of these fraternal deities should obtain dominion over it? The silence of midnight, to speak truly, though apparently a paradox, rung in my ears. The solitude became intolerable—I placed my hand on the beating heart of Idris, I bent my head to catch the sound of her breath, to assure myself that she still existed—for a moment I doubted whether I should not awake her; so effeminate an horror ran through my frame.—Great God! would it one day be thus? One day all extinct, save myself, should I walk the earth alone? Were these warning voices, whose inarticulate and oracular sense forced belief upon me?

She slept, and quiet settled over the castle, where everyone else was peacefully resting. I was awake, and during the long hours of the dead of night, my racing thoughts buzzed in my mind like a thousand spinning wheels—fast, sharp, and impossible to control. Everyone was asleep—everyone in England was asleep; and from my window, which offered a wide view of the star-lit landscape, I saw the land stretched out in calm rest. I was awake, alive, while death’s brother had taken hold of my family. What if the stronger of these sibling forces were to gain control over it? The stillness of midnight, oddly enough, echoed in my ears. The solitude became unbearable—I put my hand on Idris’s beating heart, leaned my head closer to hear her breathing, to reassure myself that she was still alive. For a moment, I hesitated, afraid I might wake her; such a feminine dread coursed through me. Great God! Would it ever be this way? One day, would I find myself the only one left, walking the earth alone? Were these warning voices—whose inaudible, prophetic meaning compelled me to believe them?

Yet I would not call them
Voices of warning, that announce to us
Only the inevitable. As the sun,
Ere it is risen, sometimes paints its image
In the atmosphere—so often do the spirits
Of great events stride on before the events,
And in to-day already walks to-morrow.[9]

Yet I wouldn’t call them
Voices of warning that only tell us
What’s bound to happen. Just like the sun,
Before it rises, sometimes casts its image
In the sky—so often do the spirits
Of major events move on before the actual events,
And today is already stepping into tomorrow.[9]

[8] Calderon de la Barca.

Calderón de la Barca.

[9] Coleridge’s Translation of Schiller’s Wallenstein.

Coleridge's translation of Schiller's Wallenstein.

CHAPTER VIII.

After a long interval, I am again impelled by the restless spirit within me to continue my narration; but I must alter the mode which I have hitherto adopted. The details contained in the foregoing pages, apparently trivial, yet each slightest one weighing like lead in the depressed scale of human afflictions; this tedious dwelling on the sorrows of others, while my own were only in apprehension; this slowly laying bare of my soul’s wounds: this journal of death; this long drawn and tortuous path, leading to the ocean of countless tears, awakens me again to keen grief. I had used this history as an opiate; while it described my beloved friends, fresh with life and glowing with hope, active assistants on the scene, I was soothed; there will be a more melancholy pleasure in painting the end of all. But the intermediate steps, the climbing the wall, raised up between what was and is, while I still looked back nor saw the concealed desert beyond, is a labour past my strength. Time and experience have placed me on an height from which I can comprehend the past as a whole; and in this way I must describe it, bringing forward the leading incidents, and disposing light and shade so as to form a picture in whose very darkness there will be harmony.

After a long time, I'm once again driven by the restless spirit inside me to continue my story; but I need to change the way I've been telling it. The details in the previous pages, seemingly insignificant, each weigh heavily like lead in the balance of human suffering; this tiresome focus on the sorrows of others, while my own pain was only imagined; this slow unveiling of my soul's wounds: this journal of loss; this long and twisted path leading to an ocean of countless tears brings back my deep sadness. I had used this account as a distraction; while it portrayed my beloved friends, vibrant with life and full of hope, actively engaged in the scene, I found comfort. There’s a more bittersweet joy in depicting the end of it all. But the in-between moments, the struggle to climb the wall separating what was and what is, while I still looked back and failed to see the hidden desert beyond, is a task beyond my strength. Time and experience have placed me at a vantage point where I can understand the past as a whole; and in this way, I need to describe it, highlighting the key events and arranging light and shadow to create a picture that, even in its darkness, has a kind of harmony.

It would be needless to narrate those disastrous occurrences, for which a parallel might be found in any slighter visitation of our gigantic calamity. Does the reader wish to hear of the pest-houses, where death is the comforter—of the mournful passage of the death-cart—of the insensibility of the worthless, and the anguish of the loving heart—of harrowing shrieks and silence dire—of the variety of disease, desertion, famine, despair, and death? There are many books which can feed the appetite craving for these things; let them turn to the accounts of Boccaccio, De Foe, and Browne. The vast annihilation that has swallowed all things—the voiceless solitude of the once busy earth—the lonely state of singleness which hems me in, has deprived even such details of their stinging reality, and mellowing the lurid tints of past anguish with poetic hues, I am able to escape from the mosaic of circumstance, by perceiving and reflecting back the grouping and combined colouring of the past.

There’s no need to recount those tragic events, which could be matched by any lesser version of our massive disaster. Does the reader want to hear about the plague houses, where death is the only comfort—about the mournful journey of the death cart—about the insensitivity of the worthless and the pain of those who care—about the heartbreaking screams and dreadful silence—about the mix of disease, abandonment, starvation, despair, and death? There are plenty of books that can satisfy the hunger for such stories; they can look at the accounts of Boccaccio, Defoe, and Browne. The overwhelming destruction that has consumed everything—the soundless emptiness of the once-bustling earth—the lonely state of isolation that surrounds me, has even dulled those details' sting, and by softening the harsh colors of past suffering with poetic shades, I can break free from the complexity of what happened, by recognizing and reflecting on the combined shapes and colors of the past.

I had returned from London possessed by the idea, with the intimate feeling that it was my first duty to secure, as well as I was able, the well-being of my family, and then to return and take my post beside Adrian. The events that immediately followed on my arrival at Windsor changed this view of things. The plague was not in London alone, it was every where—it came on us, as Ryland had said, like a thousand packs of wolves, howling through the winter night, gaunt and fierce. When once disease was introduced into the rural districts, its effects appeared more horrible, more exigent, and more difficult to cure, than in towns. There was a companionship in suffering there, and, the neighbours keeping constant watch on each other, and inspired by the active benevolence of Adrian, succour was afforded, and the path of destruction smoothed. But in the country, among the scattered farm-houses, in lone cottages, in fields, and barns, tragedies were acted harrowing to the soul, unseen, unheard, unnoticed. Medical aid was less easily procured, food was more difficult to obtain, and human beings, unwithheld by shame, for they were unbeheld of their fellows, ventured on deeds of greater wickedness, or gave way more readily to their abject fears.

I returned from London consumed by the thought that my first responsibility was to ensure the well-being of my family as best as I could before going back to take my place beside Adrian. However, the events that followed my arrival in Windsor changed my perspective. The plague wasn't just in London; it was everywhere—it descended upon us, as Ryland had said, like a pack of wolves howling through the winter night, fierce and starving. Once disease spread to rural areas, its effects were more horrific, urgent, and harder to treat than in towns. There was a sense of shared suffering there, and with neighbors constantly looking out for each other, inspired by Adrian's active compassion, support was given, and the devastation was eased. But in the countryside, among the scattered farmhouses, lonely cottages, fields, and barns, tragedies unfolded that were heartbreaking, unseen, unheard, and unnoticed. It was harder to get medical help, food was scarcer, and people, unrestrained by shame because they were isolated from others, resorted to more wicked acts or easily succumbed to their deep fears.

Deeds of heroism also occurred, whose very mention swells the heart and brings tears into the eyes. Such is human nature, that beauty and deformity are often closely linked. In reading history we are chiefly struck by the generosity and self-devotion that follow close on the heels of crime, veiling with supernal flowers the stain of blood. Such acts were not wanting to adorn the grim train that waited on the progress of the plague.

Deeds of heroism also happened, and just mentioning them swells the heart and brings tears to the eyes. It’s human nature that beauty and ugliness are often closely connected. When we read history, we’re mostly struck by the generosity and selflessness that closely follow crime, covering the bloodstains with beautiful flowers. Such acts were not lacking to embellish the grim situation that accompanied the spread of the plague.

The inhabitants of Berkshire and Bucks had been long aware that the plague was in London, in Liverpool, Bristol, Manchester, York, in short, in all the more populous towns of England. They were not however the less astonished and dismayed when it appeared among themselves. They were impatient and angry in the midst of terror. They would do something to throw off the clinging evil, and, while in action, they fancied that a remedy was applied. The inhabitants of the smaller towns left their houses, pitched tents in the fields, wandering separate from each other careless of hunger or the sky’s inclemency, while they imagined that they avoided the death-dealing disease. The farmers and cottagers, on the contrary, struck with the fear of solitude, and madly desirous of medical assistance, flocked into the towns.

The people of Berkshire and Bucks had long known that the plague was in London, Liverpool, Bristol, Manchester, York, and basically all the bigger cities in England. However, they were still shocked and terrified when it showed up in their own communities. In the midst of their fear, they felt impatient and angry. They had a strong urge to do something to get rid of the lingering threat, and as they took action, they believed they were applying a cure. The residents of the smaller towns left their homes, set up tents in the fields, and wandered separately without worrying about hunger or bad weather, thinking they were escaping the deadly illness. In contrast, the farmers and laborers, gripped by the fear of being alone and desperately wanting medical help, rushed into the towns.

But winter was coming, and with winter, hope. In August, the plague had appeared in the country of England, and during September it made its ravages. Towards the end of October it dwindled away, and was in some degree replaced by a typhus, of hardly less virulence. The autumn was warm and rainy: the infirm and sickly died off—happier they: many young people flushed with health and prosperity, made pale by wasting malady, became the inhabitants of the grave. The crop had failed, the bad corn, and want of foreign wines, added vigour to disease. Before Christmas half England was under water. The storms of the last winter were renewed; but the diminished shipping of this year caused us to feel less the tempests of the sea. The flood and storms did more harm to continental Europe than to us—giving, as it were, the last blow to the calamities which destroyed it. In Italy the rivers were unwatched by the diminished peasantry; and, like wild beasts from their lair when the hunters and dogs are afar, did Tiber, Arno, and Po, rush upon and destroy the fertility of the plains. Whole villages were carried away. Rome, and Florence, and Pisa were overflowed, and their marble palaces, late mirrored in tranquil streams, had their foundations shaken by their winter-gifted power. In Germany and Russia the injury was still more momentous.

But winter was coming, and with winter, hope. In August, the plague had appeared in England, and during September, it caused widespread devastation. By the end of October, it had started to decline and was somewhat replaced by a typhus that was hardly any less deadly. The autumn was warm and rainy: the weak and sickly died off—luckier for them: many young people, once vibrant with health and prosperity, became pale and frail from the illness and ended up in the grave. The crops had failed, the poor quality of grain, and the lack of foreign wines fueled the spread of disease. By Christmas, half of England was underwater. The storms from the previous winter returned; however, the reduced shipping this year meant we felt the sea tempests less. The flooding and storms caused more damage to continental Europe than to us, delivering what felt like the final blow to the disasters that devastated it. In Italy, the rivers were left unchecked by the dwindling peasantry; like wild beasts from their dens when the hunters and dogs are far away, the Tiber, Arno, and Po rushed forth and destroyed the fertility of the plains. Whole villages were swept away. Rome, Florence, and Pisa were flooded, and their marble palaces, once reflected in calm waters, had their foundations shaken by the winter's overwhelming power. In Germany and Russia, the damage was even more significant.

But frost would come at last, and with it a renewal of our lease of earth. Frost would blunt the arrows of pestilence, and enchain the furious elements; and the land would in spring throw off her garment of snow, released from her menace of destruction. It was not until February that the desired signs of winter appeared. For three days the snow fell, ice stopped the current of the rivers, and the birds flew out from crackling branches of the frost-whitened trees. On the fourth morning all vanished. A south-west wind brought up rain—the sun came out, and mocking the usual laws of nature, seemed even at this early season to burn with solsticial force. It was no consolation, that with the first winds of March the lanes were filled with violets, the fruit trees covered with blossoms, that the corn sprung up, and the leaves came out, forced by the unseasonable heat. We feared the balmy air—we feared the cloudless sky, the flower-covered earth, and delightful woods, for we looked on the fabric of the universe no longer as our dwelling, but our tomb, and the fragrant land smelled to the apprehension of fear like a wide church-yard.

But frost would eventually arrive, and with it a renewal of our connection to the earth. Frost would dull the threats of disease and trap the raging elements; then, in the spring, the land would shed its snowy covering, freed from danger. It wasn’t until February that the long-awaited signs of winter finally showed up. For three days, snow fell, ice halted the rivers, and birds flew from the crackling branches of frost-covered trees. On the fourth morning, everything disappeared. A southwest wind brought rain—the sun came out, and, defying the usual laws of nature, appeared to burn with summer-like intensity even at this early time of year. It was no reassurance that with the first winds of March, the paths were filled with violets, the fruit trees were in bloom, the corn sprouted, and the leaves emerged, all pushed by the unexpected warmth. We feared the pleasant air—we feared the clear sky, the flower-covered ground, and the lovely woods, because we no longer saw the world as our home but as our tomb, and the fragrant land seemed to us like a vast graveyard.

Pisando la tierra dura
de continuo el hombre està
y cada passo que dà
es sobre su sepultura.[10]

Pisando la tierra dura
el hombre está siempre
y cada paso que da
es sobre su sepultura.[10]

Yet notwithstanding these disadvantages winter was breathing time; and we exerted ourselves to make the best of it. Plague might not revive with the summer; but if it did, it should find us prepared. It is a part of man’s nature to adapt itself through habit even to pain and sorrow. Pestilence had become a part of our future, our existence; it was to be guarded against, like the flooding of rivers, the encroachments of ocean, or the inclemency of the sky. After long suffering and bitter experience, some panacea might be discovered; as it was, all that received infection died— all however were not infected; and it became our part to fix deep the foundations, and raise high the barrier between contagion and the sane; to introduce such order as would conduce to the well-being of the survivors, and as would preserve hope and some portion of happiness to those who were spectators of the still renewed tragedy. Adrian had introduced systematic modes of proceeding in the metropolis, which, while they were unable to stop the progress of death, yet prevented other evils, vice and folly, from rendering the awful fate of the hour still more tremendous. I wished to imitate his example, but men are used to

Yet despite these disadvantages, winter was a time to regroup, and we worked hard to make the most of it. The plague might not come back with the summer, but if it did, we would be ready. It's in human nature to adapt through habit, even to pain and sadness. The pestilence had become a part of our future and our lives; we had to guard against it, like we would guard against flooding rivers, encroaching oceans, or stormy skies. After enduring so much suffering, a cure might eventually be found; as it was, anyone who caught the infection died—although not everyone got infected. It became our responsibility to build strong foundations and raise barriers between the sick and the healthy, to establish order that would benefit the survivors and preserve hope and some amount of happiness for those witnessing the ongoing tragedy. Adrian had implemented systematic procedures in the city that, while unable to stop death's advance, prevented other issues, like vice and foolishness, from making the dire situation even worse. I wanted to follow his example, but people are used to

—move all together, if they move at all,[11]

—move all together, if they move at all,[11]

and I could find no means of leading the inhabitants of scattered towns and villages, who forgot my words as soon as they heard them not, and veered with every baffling wind, that might arise from an apparent change of circumstance.

and I couldn't find a way to guide the people of the scattered towns and villages, who would forget my words as soon as they heard them, and would change direction with every confusing wind that might come from a seemingly different situation.

I adopted another plan. Those writers who have imagined a reign of peace and happiness on earth, have generally described a rural country, where each small township was directed by the elders and wise men. This was the key of my design. Each village, however small, usually contains a leader, one among themselves whom they venerate, whose advice they seek in difficulty, and whose good opinion they chiefly value. I was immediately drawn to make this observation by occurrences that presented themselves to my personal experience.

I came up with a new plan. Those writers who envisioned a time of peace and happiness on Earth usually depicted a countryside where each little town was led by the elders and wise individuals. This was the foundation of my idea. Each village, no matter how small, typically has a leader, someone they look up to, whose advice they turn to in tough times, and whose opinion they value the most. I was inspired to make this observation based on experiences I encountered myself.

In the village of Little Marlow an old woman ruled the community. She had lived for some years in an alms-house, and on fine Sundays her threshold was constantly beset by a crowd, seeking her advice and listening to her admonitions. She had been a soldier’s wife, and had seen the world; infirmity, induced by fevers caught in unwholesome quarters, had come on her before its time, and she seldom moved from her little cot. The plague entered the village; and, while fright and grief deprived the inhabitants of the little wisdom they possessed, old Martha stepped forward and said— “Before now I have been in a town where there was the plague.”—“And you escaped?”—“No, but I recovered.”—After this Martha was seated more firmly than ever on the regal seat, elevated by reverence and love. She entered the cottages of the sick; she relieved their wants with her own hand; she betrayed no fear, and inspired all who saw her with some portion of her own native courage. She attended the markets—she insisted upon being supplied with food for those who were too poor to purchase it. She shewed them how the well-being of each included the prosperity of all. She would not permit the gardens to be neglected, nor the very flowers in the cottage lattices to droop from want of care. Hope, she said, was better than a doctor’s prescription, and every thing that could sustain and enliven the spirits, of more worth than drugs and mixtures.

In the village of Little Marlow, an old woman led the community. She had spent many years in a charity house, and on pleasant Sundays, her doorstep was always crowded with people seeking her advice and listening to her guidance. She had been a soldier’s wife and had traveled the world; illness, brought on by fevers contracted in unhealthy places, had come to her too soon, and she rarely left her small bed. When the plague hit the village, fear and sorrow robbed the residents of their limited wisdom, but old Martha stepped up and said, “I’ve been in a town where there was a plague before.” — “And you survived?” — “No, but I recovered.” After that, Martha’s position was stronger than ever, upheld by respect and love. She visited the sick in their homes, personally meeting their needs; she showed no fear and instilled a bit of her own courage in everyone who saw her. She went to the markets and insisted on getting food for those who couldn’t afford it. She demonstrated that everyone’s well-being was tied to the prosperity of all. She wouldn’t let the gardens be neglected, nor would she allow the flowers in the cottage windows to wilt from lack of care. Hope, she said, was better than a doctor’s prescription, and everything that could uplift and energize the spirit was worth more than medicine.

It was the sight of Little Marlow, and my conversations with Martha, that led me to the plan I formed. I had before visited the manor houses and gentlemen’s seats, and often found the inhabitants actuated by the purest benevolence, ready to lend their utmost aid for the welfare of their tenants. But this was not enough. The intimate sympathy generated by similar hopes and fears, similar experience and pursuits, was wanting here. The poor perceived that the rich possessed other means of preservation than those which could be partaken of by themselves, seclusion, and, as far as circumstances permitted, freedom from care. They could not place reliance on them, but turned with tenfold dependence to the succour and advice of their equals. I resolved therefore to go from village to village, seeking out the rustic archon of the place, and by systematizing their exertions, and enlightening their views, encrease both their power and their use among their fellow-cottagers. Many changes also now occurred in these spontaneous regal elections: depositions and abdications were frequent, while, in the place of the old and prudent, the ardent youth would step forward, eager for action, regardless of danger. Often too, the voice to which all listened was suddenly silenced, the helping hand cold, the sympathetic eye closed, and the villagers feared still more the death that had selected a choice victim, shivering in dust the heart that had beat for them, reducing to incommunicable annihilation the mind for ever occupied with projects for their welfare.

It was the sight of Little Marlow and my talks with Martha that inspired the plan I developed. I had previously visited manor houses and estates, often finding the residents genuinely willing to help their tenants. But that wasn’t enough. The deep connection created by shared hopes and fears, experiences, and ambitions was missing here. The poor saw that the rich had other means of security that they couldn't access—seclusion and, as much as possible, freedom from worry. They couldn’t trust them and instead leaned even more on the support and advice of their peers. I decided to travel from village to village, seeking out the local leaders, and by organizing their efforts and broadening their perspectives, increase both their effectiveness and their role among their fellow villagers. Many changes also happened in these spontaneous leadership elections: removals and resignations were common, while instead of the old and wise, enthusiastic youth stepped up, eager for action and unconcerned about danger. Often, the voice everyone listened to would suddenly be silenced, the helping hand would grow cold, the sympathetic eye would close, and the villagers feared even more the death that had picked a chosen victim, shattering the heart that had beaten for them, reducing to silence the mind that was always focused on plans for their well-being.

Whoever labours for man must often find ingratitude, watered by vice and folly, spring from the grain which he has sown. Death, which had in our younger days walked the earth like “a thief that comes in the night,” now, rising from his subterranean vault, girt with power, with dark banner floating, came a conqueror. Many saw, seated above his vice-regal throne, a supreme Providence, who directed his shafts, and guided his progress, and they bowed their heads in resignation, or at least in obedience. Others perceived only a passing casualty; they endeavoured to exchange terror for heedlessness, and plunged into licentiousness, to avoid the agonizing throes of worst apprehension. Thus, while the wise, the good, and the prudent were occupied by the labours of benevolence, the truce of winter produced other effects among the young, the thoughtless, and the vicious. During the colder months there was a general rush to London in search of amusement—the ties of public opinion were loosened; many were rich, heretofore poor—many had lost father and mother, the guardians of their morals, their mentors and restraints. It would have been useless to have opposed these impulses by barriers, which would only have driven those actuated by them to more pernicious indulgencies. The theatres were open and thronged; dance and midnight festival were frequented—in many of these decorum was violated, and the evils, which hitherto adhered to an advanced state of civilization, were doubled. The student left his books, the artist his study: the occupations of life were gone, but the amusements remained; enjoyment might be protracted to the verge of the grave. All factitious colouring disappeared—death rose like night, and, protected by its murky shadows the blush of modesty, the reserve of pride, the decorum of prudery were frequently thrown aside as useless veils. This was not universal. Among better natures, anguish and dread, the fear of eternal separation, and the awful wonder produced by unprecedented calamity, drew closer the ties of kindred and friendship. Philosophers opposed their principles, as barriers to the inundation of profligacy or despair, and the only ramparts to protect the invaded territory of human life; the religious, hoping now for their reward, clung fast to their creeds, as the rafts and planks which over the tempest-vexed sea of suffering, would bear them in safety to the harbour of the Unknown Continent. The loving heart, obliged to contract its view, bestowed its overflow of affection in triple portion on the few that remained. Yet, even among these, the present, as an unalienable possession, became all of time to which they dared commit the precious freight of their hopes.

Whoever works for others often finds that their efforts lead to ingratitude, fueled by vice and foolishness, sprouting from the seeds they have sown. Death, which in our younger years seemed to creep in quietly like "a thief in the night," now emerged from its underground lair, armed with power, its dark banner waving, appearing as a conqueror. Many saw a supreme Providence seated on a grand throne above him, guiding his arrows and his path, and they bowed their heads in acceptance, or at least compliance. Others saw it as just a random event; they tried to swap their fear for indifference and threw themselves into reckless behavior to escape the torment of their worst fears. Thus, while the wise, the good, and the cautious focused on acts of kindness, the chill of winter sparked different reactions among the young, careless, and immoral. During the colder months, there was a mass migration to London in search of fun—the constraints of public opinion weakened; many who had been poor suddenly found wealth—many lost their parents, the guardians of their morals, mentors, and restraints. It would have been pointless to confront these urges with barriers that would only push those driven by them into more harmful indulgences. The theaters were open and crowded; dance parties and late-night festivals were common—many of these events disregarded proper conduct, and the issues that had always accompanied an advanced society became even worse. Students abandoned their books, artists left their studios: the daily routines of life vanished, but the pleasures remained; enjoyment could last right up to death. All false pretenses disappeared—death loomed like night, and under its dark shadows, the modesty, pride, and decorum often fell away as irrelevant coverings. This wasn't the case for everyone. Among better souls, anguish and fear, the dread of eternal separation, and the terrifying wonder brought about by unforeseen disaster tightened the bonds of family and friendship. Philosophers raised their principles as barriers against the flood of immorality or despair, serving as the only defenses to protect the encroached territory of human life; the religious, now hoping for their reward, held tightly to their beliefs as lifeboats that could carry them safely across the stormy seas of suffering to the haven of the Unknown. The loving heart, forced to narrow its focus, poured its overflow of affection in triple measures on the few who were left. Yet, even among these, the present became their sole possession, the only time they dared to entrust with the precious burden of their hopes.

The experience of immemorial time had taught us formerly to count our enjoyments by years, and extend our prospect of life through a lengthened period of progression and decay; the long road threaded a vast labyrinth, and the Valley of the Shadow of Death, in which it terminated, was hid by intervening objects. But an earthquake had changed the scene—under our very feet the earth yawned—deep and precipitous the gulph below opened to receive us, while the hours charioted us towards the chasm. But it was winter now, and months must elapse before we are hurled from our security. We became ephemera, to whom the interval between the rising and setting sun was as a long drawn year of common time. We should never see our children ripen into maturity, nor behold their downy cheeks roughen, their blithe hearts subdued by passion or care; but we had them now—they lived, and we lived—what more could we desire? With such schooling did my poor Idris try to hush thronging fears, and in some measure succeeded. It was not as in summer-time, when each hour might bring the dreaded fate—until summer, we felt sure; and this certainty, short lived as it must be, yet for awhile satisfied her maternal tenderness. I know not how to express or communicate the sense of concentrated, intense, though evanescent transport, that imparadized us in the present hour. Our joys were dearer because we saw their end; they were keener because we felt, to its fullest extent, their value; they were purer because their essence was sympathy— as a meteor is brighter than a star, did the felicity of this winter contain in itself the extracted delights of a long, long life.

The experience of ancient time taught us to measure our enjoyment in years and to think of life as a long journey filled with growth and decline; the long path wound through a vast maze, and the Valley of the Shadow of Death, where it ended, was hidden by obstacles in the way. But an earthquake had changed everything—right beneath us, the ground cracked open—a deep and steep chasm below was ready to swallow us, while the hours rushed us towards the void. But it was winter now, and months would pass before we were thrown from our safety. We became fleeting beings, for whom the time from sunrise to sunset felt like a long, drawn-out year. We would never see our children mature, nor watch their soft cheeks grow rough, their carefree hearts weighed down by love or worry; but we had them now—they lived, and we lived—what more could we ask for? With this understanding, my poor Idris tried to quiet her racing fears, and in some way, she managed. It wasn’t like in the summertime, when each hour could bring the dreaded fate—until summer, we felt certain; and this certainty, as short-lived as it was destined to be, provided a momentary comfort to her maternal instincts. I can’t fully express the intense, though fleeting, joy that filled us in that moment. Our happiness felt deeper because we knew it would end; it was sharper because we truly appreciated its value; it was purer because its essence was empathy—like a meteor shining brighter than a star, the joy of that winter held within it the distilled pleasures of a long, long life.

How lovely is spring! As we looked from Windsor Terrace on the sixteen fertile counties spread beneath, speckled by happy cottages and wealthier towns, all looked as in former years, heart-cheering and fair. The land was ploughed, the slender blades of wheat broke through the dark soil, the fruit trees were covered with buds, the husbandman was abroad in the fields, the milk-maid tripped home with well-filled pails, the swallows and martins struck the sunny pools with their long, pointed wings, the new dropped lambs reposed on the young grass, the tender growth of leaves—

How beautiful is spring! As we looked from Windsor Terrace at the sixteen fertile counties spread out below, dotted with happy cottages and wealthier towns, everything seemed just like in previous years, uplifting and lovely. The land was plowed, the slender blades of wheat pushed through the dark soil, the fruit trees were covered in buds, the farmers were out in the fields, the milkmaid walked home with full pails, the swallows and martins skimmed the sunny ponds with their long, pointed wings, and the newly born lambs rested on the young grass and tender new leaves—

Lifts its sweet head into the air, and feeds
A silent space with ever sprouting green.[12]

Lifts its sweet head into the air and nourishes
A quiet space with constantly growing green.[12]

Man himself seemed to regenerate, and feel the frost of winter yield to an elastic and warm renewal of life—reason told us that care and sorrow would grow with the opening year—but how to believe the ominous voice breathed up with pestiferous vapours from fear’s dim cavern, while nature, laughing and scattering from her green lap flowers, and fruits, and sparkling waters, invited us to join the gay masque of young life she led upon the scene?

Man seemed to rejuvenate, feeling the chill of winter give way to a vibrant and warm resurgence of life—logic told us that worry and sadness would increase with the coming year—but how could we trust the threatening voice rising from the dark depths of fear, while nature, joyfully scattering flowers, fruits, and sparkling waters from her green lap, invited us to join the lively celebration of youth she showcased?

Where was the plague? “Here—every where!” one voice of horror and dismay exclaimed, when in the pleasant days of a sunny May the Destroyer of man brooded again over the earth, forcing the spirit to leave its organic chrysalis, and to enter upon an untried life. With one mighty sweep of its potent weapon, all caution, all care, all prudence were levelled low: death sat at the tables of the great, stretched itself on the cottager’s pallet, seized the dastard who fled, quelled the brave man who resisted: despondency entered every heart, sorrow dimmed every eye.

Where was the plague? “Here—everywhere!” one voice of horror and despair shouted, when in the beautiful days of a sunny May, the Destroyer of humanity hovered over the earth again, forcing the spirit to leave its organic shell and step into an untested existence. With one powerful sweep of its deadly weapon, all caution, all care, all common sense were brought down: death sat at the tables of the wealthy, stretched out on the cottager’s bed, captured the coward who ran away, subdued the brave man who fought back: hopelessness entered every heart, sadness clouded every eye.

Sights of woe now became familiar to me, and were I to tell all of anguish and pain that I witnessed, of the despairing moans of age, and the more terrible smiles of infancy in the bosom of horror, my reader, his limbs quivering and his hair on end, would wonder how I did not, seized with sudden frenzy, dash myself from some precipice, and so close my eyes for ever on the sad end of the world. But the powers of love, poetry, and creative fancy will dwell even beside the sick of the plague, with the squalid, and with the dying. A feeling of devotion, of duty, of a high and steady purpose, elevated me; a strange joy filled my heart. In the midst of saddest grief I seemed to tread air, while the spirit of good shed round me an ambrosial atmosphere, which blunted the sting of sympathy, and purified the air of sighs. If my wearied soul flagged in its career, I thought of my loved home, of the casket that contained my treasures, of the kiss of love and the filial caress, while my eyes were moistened by purest dew, and my heart was at once softened and refreshed by thrilling tenderness.

Scenes of suffering now became familiar to me, and if I were to describe all the anguish and pain I witnessed, the desperate moans of the elderly, and the more chilling smiles of infants in the grip of horror, my reader, with trembling limbs and hair standing on end, would wonder how I didn’t, overcome with sudden madness, throw myself off a cliff and close my eyes forever to the sad conclusion of the world. But the powers of love, poetry, and imagination will dwell even alongside those suffering from the plague, the destitute, and the dying. A sense of devotion, duty, and a noble purpose lifted me; an odd joy filled my heart. In the midst of deep sorrow, I felt light as air, while the spirit of goodness surrounded me with a heavenly atmosphere, which dulled the pain of sympathy and cleared the air of sighs. If my weary soul faltered in its journey, I thought of my beloved home, of the treasure chest that held my cherished memories, of the kiss of love and the embrace of family, while my eyes were moistened by the purest tears, and my heart was both softened and renewed by profound tenderness.

Maternal affection had not rendered Idris selfish; at the beginning of our calamity she had, with thoughtless enthusiasm, devoted herself to the care of the sick and helpless. I checked her; and she submitted to my rule. I told her how the fear of her danger palsied my exertions, how the knowledge of her safety strung my nerves to endurance. I shewed her the dangers which her children incurred during her absence; and she at length agreed not to go beyond the inclosure of the forest. Indeed, within the walls of the Castle we had a colony of the unhappy, deserted by their relatives, and in themselves helpless, sufficient to occupy her time and attention, while ceaseless anxiety for my welfare and the health of her children, however she strove to curb or conceal it, absorbed all her thoughts, and undermined the vital principle. After watching over and providing for their safety, her second care was to hide from me her anguish and tears. Each night I returned to the Castle, and found there repose and love awaiting me. Often I waited beside the bed of death till midnight, and through the obscurity of rainy, cloudy nights rode many miles, sustained by one circumstance only, the safety and sheltered repose of those I loved. If some scene of tremendous agony shook my frame and fevered my brow, I would lay my head on the lap of Idris, and the tumultuous pulses subsided into a temperate flow —her smile could raise me from hopelessness, her embrace bathe my sorrowing heart in calm peace. Summer advanced, and, crowned with the sun’s potent rays, plague shot her unerring shafts over the earth. The nations beneath their influence bowed their heads, and died. The corn that sprung up in plenty, lay in autumn rotting on the ground, while the melancholy wretch who had gone out to gather bread for his children, lay stiff and plague-struck in the furrow. The green woods waved their boughs majestically, while the dying were spread beneath their shade, answering the solemn melody with inharmonious cries. The painted birds flitted through the shades; the careless deer reposed unhurt upon the fern—the oxen and the horses strayed from their unguarded stables, and grazed among the wheat, for death fell on man alone.

Maternal love didn’t make Idris selfish; at the start of our crisis, she had, with reckless enthusiasm, dedicated herself to caring for the sick and helpless. I tried to rein her in, and she agreed to follow my lead. I explained how the fear of her danger paralyzed my efforts, while knowing she was safe gave me the strength to endure. I pointed out the dangers her children faced when she was away, and eventually she agreed not to go beyond the forest's borders. In fact, within the Castle's walls, we had a group of unhappy people who had been deserted by their families and were helpless on their own, which was enough to keep her busy and focused. Meanwhile, her constant worry for my safety and her children's health, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it, consumed all her thoughts and wore her down. After ensuring their safety, her next priority was to hide her pain and tears from me. Each night I returned to the Castle, where rest and love awaited me. Often, I sat by the deathbed until midnight, and through the dark, rainy nights, I rode many miles, sustained by only one thought: the safety and comfort of those I loved. If a scene of unbearable agony shook my body and fevered my brow, I would lay my head in Idris's lap, and the turbulent pulses would settle into a steady rhythm—her smile could lift me from despair, her embrace could soothe my troubled heart with peace. As summer approached, blessed by the sun's fierce rays, the plague shot its deadly arrows across the land. Nations fell under its grip, bowing their heads as they died. The abundant crops that had grown with plenty lay rotting on the ground by autumn, while the despairing soul who had gone out to gather bread for his children lay lifeless and plague-stricken in the field. The green woods swayed grandly, while the dying were spread beneath their shade, responding to the solemn melody with discordant cries. Colorful birds flitted through the branches; carefree deer rested unscathed in the ferns—the oxen and horses wandered from their unlocked stables, grazing among the wheat, for death had come only for mankind.

With summer and mortality grew our fears. My poor love and I looked at each other, and our babes.—“We will save them, Idris,” I said, “I will save them. Years hence we shall recount to them our fears, then passed away with their occasion. Though they only should remain on the earth, still they shall live, nor shall their cheeks become pale nor their sweet voices languish.” Our eldest in some degree understood the scenes passing around, and at times, he with serious looks questioned me concerning the reason of so vast a desolation. But he was only ten years old; and the hilarity of youth soon chased unreasonable care from his brow. Evelyn, a laughing cherub, a gamesome infant, without idea of pain or sorrow, would, shaking back his light curls from his eyes, make the halls re-echo with his merriment, and in a thousand artless ways attract our attention to his play. Clara, our lovely gentle Clara, was our stay, our solace, our delight. She made it her task to attend the sick, comfort the sorrowing, assist the aged, and partake the sports and awaken the gaiety of the young. She flitted through the rooms, like a good spirit, dispatched from the celestial kingdom, to illumine our dark hour with alien splendour. Gratitude and praise marked where her footsteps had been. Yet, when she stood in unassuming simplicity before us, playing with our children, or with girlish assiduity performing little kind offices for Idris, one wondered in what fair lineament of her pure loveliness, in what soft tone of her thrilling voice, so much of heroism, sagacity and active goodness resided.

As summer and the thought of mortality crept in, so did our fears. My poor love and I looked at each other and at our children. “We will save them, Idris,” I said, “I will save them. Years from now, we’ll share our fears with them, long after they've faded away. Even if they're the only ones left on this earth, they will still live on, their faces won't lose their color, and their sweet voices won't fade.” Our oldest child somewhat understood the chaos around us, and sometimes, with a serious expression, he asked me why there was such great devastation. But he was only ten; the carefree spirit of youth quickly drove his worries away. Evelyn, our cheerful little angel, a playful toddler, had no concept of pain or sorrow. He would toss his light curls from his eyes and fill the halls with his laughter, drawing our attention with his innocent antics. Clara, our beautiful gentle Clara, was our support, our comfort, our joy. She made it her mission to care for the sick, console the grieving, help the elderly, and join in the fun, bringing joy to the young. She moved through the rooms like a benevolent spirit sent from heaven to brighten our dark times with her radiant presence. The gratitude and praise were evident wherever she had been. Yet, when she stood before us with her unpretentious grace, playing with our children or performing little thoughtful acts for Idris, one couldn't help but wonder how so much heroism, wisdom, and kindness could reside in her pure beauty and the soft melody of her enchanting voice.

The summer passed tediously, for we trusted that winter would at least check the disease. That it would vanish altogether was an hope too dear— too heartfelt, to be expressed. When such a thought was heedlessly uttered, the hearers, with a gush of tears and passionate sobs, bore witness how deep their fears were, how small their hopes. For my own part, my exertions for the public good permitted me to observe more closely than most others, the virulence and extensive ravages of our sightless enemy. A short month has destroyed a village, and where in May the first person sickened, in June the paths were deformed by unburied corpses—the houses tenantless, no smoke arising from the chimneys; and the housewife’s clock marked only the hour when death had been triumphant. From such scenes I have sometimes saved a deserted infant—sometimes led a young and grieving mother from the lifeless image of her first born, or drawn the sturdy labourer from childish weeping over his extinct family.

The summer dragged on, as we hoped that winter would at least slow down the disease. The idea that it would disappear completely felt too precious—too sincere to voice. Whenever someone shared that thought carelessly, others would respond with tears and heartfelt sobs, showing just how deep their fears were and how little hope they had. Personally, my efforts for the community allowed me to see more clearly than most the viciousness and widespread destruction caused by our unseen enemy. In just a month, a village was wiped out, and where the first person got sick in May, by June the paths were marked by unburied corpses—empty houses, no smoke coming from the chimneys; the housewife’s clock only showed the time when death had claimed victory. From these scenes, I occasionally managed to save a deserted baby—sometimes I guided a young, grieving mother away from the lifeless body of her first child, or pulled a strong laborer from his childish tears over his lost family.

July is gone. August must pass, and by the middle of September we may hope. Each day was eagerly counted; and the inhabitants of towns, desirous to leap this dangerous interval, plunged into dissipation, and strove, by riot, and what they wished to imagine to be pleasure, to banish thought and opiate despair. None but Adrian could have tamed the motley population of London, which, like a troop of unbitted steeds rushing to their pastures, had thrown aside all minor fears, through the operation of the fear paramount. Even Adrian was obliged in part to yield, that he might be able, if not to guide, at least to set bounds to the license of the times. The theatres were kept open; every place of public resort was frequented; though he endeavoured so to modify them, as might best quiet the agitation of the spectators, and at the same time prevent a reaction of misery when the excitement was over. Tragedies deep and dire were the chief favourites. Comedy brought with it too great a contrast to the inner despair: when such were attempted, it was not unfrequent for a comedian, in the midst of the laughter occasioned by his disporportioned buffoonery, to find a word or thought in his part that jarred with his own sense of wretchedness, and burst from mimic merriment into sobs and tears, while the spectators, seized with irresistible sympathy, wept, and the pantomimic revelry was changed to a real exhibition of tragic passion.

July is over. August needs to pass, and by mid-September, we can hope. Each day was eagerly counted; the townspeople, eager to get through this risky time, threw themselves into wild partying, trying to drown out their thoughts and numb their despair with what they wanted to think of as pleasure. Only Adrian could have managed the mixed crowd of London, which, like a herd of untamed horses rushing to pasture, had discarded all lesser fears due to a greater fear taking over. Even Adrian had to give in partly, so he could at least limit the excesses of the times, if not control them. The theaters stayed open; every public spot was crowded; though he tried to adjust them to calm the crowd's anxiety and avoid a backlash of sadness when the excitement faded. Deep and serious tragedies were the top favorites. Comedy brought too much of a contrast to the inner despair: when comedies were attempted, it wasn't uncommon for a comedian, amid the laughter from his exaggerated antics, to come across a word or thought that clashed with his own feelings of hopelessness, breaking from fake merriment into sobs and tears, while the audience, overcome with empathy, cried, and the lively performance turned into a genuine display of tragic emotion.

It was not in my nature to derive consolation from such scenes; from theatres, whose buffoon laughter and discordant mirth awakened distempered sympathy, or where fictitious tears and wailings mocked the heart-felt grief within; from festival or crowded meeting, where hilarity sprung from the worst feelings of our nature, or such enthralment of the better ones, as impressed it with garish and false varnish; from assemblies of mourners in the guise of revellers. Once however I witnessed a scene of singular interest at one of the theatres, where nature overpowered art, as an overflowing cataract will tear away the puny manufacture of a mock cascade, which had before been fed by a small portion of its waters.

It wasn't in my nature to find comfort in such scenes; from theaters, where the silly laughter and jarring joy stirred up uneasy feelings, or where fake tears and wailing mocked the genuine sorrow inside; from festivals or crowded gatherings, where joy came from the worst parts of our nature, or from a shallow celebration of the better ones, disguised with a bright but false sheen; from groups of mourners pretending to be party-goers. However, I once witnessed a particularly interesting moment at a theater, where real emotion overshadowed the performance, like a rushing waterfall tearing apart a tiny imitation of a cascade that had only been fed by a trickle of its waters.

I had come to London to see Adrian. He was not at the palace; and, though the attendants did not know whither he had gone, they did not expect him till late at night. It was between six and seven o’clock, a fine summer afternoon, and I spent my leisure hours in a ramble through the empty streets of London; now turning to avoid an approaching funeral, now urged by curiosity to observe the state of a particular spot; my wanderings were instinct with pain, for silence and desertion characterized every place I visited, and the few beings I met were so pale and woe-begone, so marked with care and depressed by fear, that weary of encountering only signs of misery, I began to retread my steps towards home.

I had arrived in London to see Adrian. He wasn't at the palace, and even though the staff didn't know where he had gone, they didn't expect him back until late that night. It was between six and seven o'clock on a beautiful summer afternoon, and I spent my free time wandering through the empty streets of London; sometimes I turned to avoid an approaching funeral, other times I was curious about a specific location. My aimless wandering was filled with sadness, as silence and emptiness marked every place I went, and the few people I encountered looked so pale and worn down, burdened by worry and weighed down by fear, that tired of facing nothing but misery, I started to head back home.

I was now in Holborn, and passed by a public house filled with uproarious companions, whose songs, laughter, and shouts were more sorrowful than the pale looks and silence of the mourner. Such an one was near, hovering round this house. The sorry plight of her dress displayed her poverty, she was ghastly pale, and continued approaching, first the window and then the door of the house, as if fearful, yet longing to enter. A sudden burst of song and merriment seemed to sting her to the heart; she murmured, “Can he have the heart?” and then mustering her courage, she stepped within the threshold. The landlady met her in the passage; the poor creature asked, “Is my husband here? Can I see George?”

I was now in Holborn and passed by a bar filled with rowdy people, whose singing, laughter, and shouts felt more painful than the pale faces and silence of the grieving. One such person was nearby, lingering around this bar. The tattered state of her clothing showed her desperation; she looked ghostly pale and kept drawing closer, first to the window and then to the door, as if she was hesitant yet eager to go inside. A sudden burst of song and laughter seemed to pierce her heart; she murmured, “Could he really be that cruel?” Then, gathering her courage, she stepped over the threshold. The landlady met her in the hallway; the poor woman asked, “Is my husband here? Can I see George?”

“See him,” cried the woman, “yes, if you go to him; last night he was taken with the plague, and we sent him to the hospital.”

“Look at him,” the woman shouted, “yes, if you go to him; last night he caught the plague, and we sent him to the hospital.”

The unfortunate inquirer staggered against a wall, a faint cry escaped her —“O! were you cruel enough,” she exclaimed, “to send him there?”

The unfortunate person asking the question leaned against a wall, and a faint cry escaped her—“Oh! Were you cruel enough,” she exclaimed, “to send him there?”

The landlady meanwhile hurried away; but a more compassionate bar-maid gave her a detailed account, the sum of which was, that her husband had been taken ill, after a night of riot, and sent by his boon companions with all expedition to St. Bartholomew’s Hospital. I had watched this scene, for there was a gentleness about the poor woman that interested me; she now tottered away from the door, walking as well as she could down Holborn Hill; but her strength soon failed her; she leaned against a wall, and her head sunk on her bosom, while her pallid cheek became still more white. I went up to her and offered my services. She hardly looked up—“You can do me no good,” she replied; “I must go to the hospital; if I do not die before I get there.”

The landlady quickly left; however, a more caring barmaid filled her in on what happened: her husband had fallen ill after a night of partying and was rushed by his friends to St. Bartholomew’s Hospital. I observed this situation because there was a tenderness about the poor woman that caught my attention. She slowly made her way down Holborn Hill, but her strength soon gave out. She leaned against a wall, her head resting on her chest, and her pale cheek became even paler. I approached her to offer my help. She barely glanced at me. “You can't help me,” she said. “I need to get to the hospital; if I don't die before I get there.”

There were still a few hackney-coaches accustomed to stand about the streets, more truly from habit than for use. I put her in one of these, and entered with her that I might secure her entrance into the hospital. Our way was short, and she said little; except interrupted ejaculations of reproach that he had left her, exclamations on the unkindness of some of his friends, and hope that she would find him alive. There was a simple, natural earnestness about her that interested me in her fate, especially when she assured me that her husband was the best of men,—had been so, till want of business during these unhappy times had thrown him into bad company. “He could not bear to come home,” she said, “only to see our children die. A man cannot have the patience a mother has, with her own flesh and blood.”

There were still a few horse-drawn cabs hanging around the streets, more out of habit than necessity. I put her in one of these and got in with her to make sure she got into the hospital. The ride was short, and she didn’t say much, just some bursts of frustration about how he had left her, complaints about the unkindness of some of his friends, and hope that she would find him alive. There was a simple, genuine earnestness about her that made me care about her situation, especially when she told me that her husband was the best of men—he had been until the lack of work during these tough times had led him into bad company. “He couldn’t bear to come home,” she said, “only to see our children die. A man can’t have the patience a mother has with her own flesh and blood.”

We were set down at St. Bartholomew’s, and entered the wretched precincts of the house of disease. The poor creature clung closer to me, as she saw with what heartless haste they bore the dead from the wards, and took them into a room, whose half-opened door displayed a number of corpses, horrible to behold by one unaccustomed to such scenes. We were directed to the ward where her husband had been first taken, and still was, the nurse said, if alive. My companion looked eagerly from one bed to the other, till at the end of the ward she espied, on a wretched bed, a squalid, haggard creature, writhing under the torture of disease. She rushed towards him, she embraced him, blessing God for his preservation.

We arrived at St. Bartholomew’s and entered the miserable surroundings of the hospital. The poor woman clung to me more tightly as she watched how carelessly they carried the dead out of the wards and into a room, the half-open door revealing numerous corpses, a horrifying sight for someone unaccustomed to such events. We were directed to the ward where her husband had been taken first, and the nurse said he was still there, if he was still alive. My companion looked eagerly from one bed to another until she finally spotted, on a miserable bed, a gaunt, sickly figure, writhing in pain from the disease. She rushed toward him and embraced him, thanking God for his survival.

The enthusiasm that inspired her with this strange joy, blinded her to the horrors about her; but they were intolerably agonizing to me. The ward was filled with an effluvia that caused my heart to heave with painful qualms. The dead were carried out, and the sick brought in, with like indifference; some were screaming with pain, others laughing from the influence of more terrible delirium; some were attended by weeping, despairing relations, others called aloud with thrilling tenderness or reproach on the friends who had deserted them, while the nurses went from bed to bed, incarnate images of despair, neglect, and death. I gave gold to my luckless companion; I recommended her to the care of the attendants; I then hastened away; while the tormentor, the imagination, busied itself in picturing my own loved ones, stretched on such beds, attended thus. The country afforded no such mass of horrors; solitary wretches died in the open fields; and I have found a survivor in a vacant village, contending at once with famine and disease; but the assembly of pestilence, the banqueting hall of death, was spread only in London.

The excitement that filled her with this unusual happiness blinded her to the horrors around her, but they were unbearable for me. The ward was filled with a stench that made my heart feel heavy and sick. The dead were taken away, and the sick were brought in, both with the same indifference; some were screaming in pain, while others laughed in a more terrifying delirium; some had crying, despairing relatives by their side, while others called out with heartbreaking affection or blame at the friends who had abandoned them, as the nurses moved from bed to bed, looking like living images of despair, neglect, and death. I gave gold to my unfortunate friend; I recommended her to the care of the staff; then I hurried away while my tormenting imagination kept picturing my own loved ones lying on such beds, being treated the same way. The countryside didn’t have such a concentration of horrors; lonely people died in the open fields; and I found a survivor in an empty village, struggling with both starvation and sickness; but the gathering of disease, the banquet hall of death, only existed in London.

I rambled on, oppressed, distracted by painful emotions—suddenly I found myself before Drury Lane Theatre. The play was Macbeth—the first actor of the age was there to exert his powers to drug with irreflection the auditors; such a medicine I yearned for, so I entered. The theatre was tolerably well filled. Shakspeare, whose popularity was established by the approval of four centuries, had not lost his influence even at this dread period; but was still “Ut magus,” the wizard to rule our hearts and govern our imaginations. I came in during the interval between the third and fourth act. I looked round on the audience; the females were mostly of the lower classes, but the men were of all ranks, come hither to forget awhile the protracted scenes of wretchedness, which awaited them at their miserable homes. The curtain drew up, and the stage presented the scene of the witches’ cave. The wildness and supernatural machinery of Macbeth, was a pledge that it could contain little directly connected with our present circumstances. Great pains had been taken in the scenery to give the semblance of reality to the impossible. The extreme darkness of the stage, whose only light was received from the fire under the cauldron, joined to a kind of mist that floated about it, rendered the unearthly shapes of the witches obscure and shadowy. It was not three decrepid old hags that bent over their pot throwing in the grim ingredients of the magic charm, but forms frightful, unreal, and fanciful. The entrance of Hecate, and the wild music that followed, took us out of this world. The cavern shape the stage assumed, the beetling rocks, the glare of the fire, the misty shades that crossed the scene at times, the music in harmony with all witch-like fancies, permitted the imagination to revel, without fear of contradiction, or reproof from reason or the heart. The entrance of Macbeth did not destroy the illusion, for he was actuated by the same feelings that inspired us, and while the work of magic proceeded we sympathized in his wonder and his daring, and gave ourselves up with our whole souls to the influence of scenic delusion. I felt the beneficial result of such excitement, in a renewal of those pleasing flights of fancy to which I had long been a stranger. The effect of this scene of incantation communicated a portion of its power to that which followed. We forgot that Malcolm and Macduff were mere human beings, acted upon by such simple passions as warmed our own breasts. By slow degrees however we were drawn to the real interest of the scene. A shudder like the swift passing of an electric shock ran through the house, when Rosse exclaimed, in answer to “Stands Scotland where it did?”

I rambled on, weighed down and distracted by painful emotions—suddenly I found myself in front of Drury Lane Theatre. The play was Macbeth—the greatest actor of the time was there to mesmerize the audience, and I craved that escape, so I went in. The theater was fairly packed. Shakespeare, whose popularity had stood the test of four centuries, still held sway even in this grim era; he remained “Ut magus,” the wizard who could captivate our hearts and shape our imaginations. I arrived during the intermission between the third and fourth acts. I scanned the audience; most of the women were from lower classes, while the men came from all walks of life, gathered here to momentarily forget the ongoing misery awaiting them at home. The curtain rose, revealing the witches’ cave. The wildness and supernatural elements of Macbeth promised a reprieve from our current circumstances. The elaborate set made the impossible seem real. The extreme darkness of the stage, lit only by the fire under the cauldron, combined with a mist that floated around, rendered the witches’ ghostly figures obscure and shadowy. It was not just three frail old hags bending over their pot, tossing in the grim ingredients of the spell, but terrifying, unreal, and fantastical forms. The entrance of Hecate and the haunting music that followed transported us away from reality. The way the stage resembled a cavern, with towering rocks, the fire’s glare, and the misty shadows that occasionally passed, along with the music echoing all witch-like fantasies, allowed our imaginations to roam freely, without fear of contradiction or judgment from reason or emotions. Macbeth’s entrance didn’t break the spell, as he was driven by the same feelings that inspired us, and while the magic unfolded, we shared in his awe and bravery, surrendering completely to the scene’s illusion. I felt the positive impact of such excitement, rekindling those delightful flights of fancy I had long been missing. The spellbinding scene transferred some of its energy to what came next. We forgot that Malcolm and Macduff were just humans, driven by the simple emotions that stirred our own hearts. Gradually, though, we were drawn back to the real tension of the scene. A shiver like a quick electric shock ran through the audience when Rosse exclaimed, in response to “Stands Scotland where it did?”

        Alas, poor country;
Almost afraid to know itself! It cannot
Be called our mother, but our grave: where nothing,
But who knows nothing, is once seen to smile;
Where sighs, and groans, and shrieks that rent the air,
Are made, not marked; where violent sorrow seems
A modern extasy: the dead man’s knell
Is there scarce asked, for who; and good men’s lives
Expire before the flowers in their caps,
Dying, or ere they sicken.

Alas, poor country;
Almost afraid to know itself! It can't
Be called our mother, but our grave: where nothing,
But those who know nothing, are ever seen to smile;
Where sighs, groans, and screams that tear through the air,
Are made, not marked; where intense sorrow seems
A modern ecstasy: the dead man’s toll
Is hardly asked, for who; and good people's lives
Fade away before the flowers in their hats,
Dying, or even before they get sick.

Each word struck the sense, as our life’s passing bell; we feared to look at each other, but bent our gaze on the stage, as if our eyes could fall innocuous on that alone. The person who played the part of Rosse, suddenly became aware of the dangerous ground he trod. He was an inferior actor, but truth now made him excellent; as he went on to announce to Macduff the slaughter of his family, he was afraid to speak, trembling from apprehension of a burst of grief from the audience, not from his fellow-mime. Each word was drawn out with difficulty; real anguish painted his features; his eyes were now lifted in sudden horror, now fixed in dread upon the ground. This shew of terror encreased ours, we gasped with him, each neck was stretched out, each face changed with the actor’s changes— at length while Macduff, who, attending to his part, was unobservant of the high wrought sympathy of the house, cried with well acted passion:

Each word hit hard, like the tolling of a bell for our lives; we were afraid to look at each other and instead focused on the stage, as if our eyes could safely land there alone. The actor playing Rosse suddenly realized the precarious situation he was in. He wasn’t a great actor, but the truth made his performance powerful; as he prepared to tell Macduff about the murder of his family, he hesitated, shaking with fear of an emotional outburst from the audience, rather than from his fellow actors. Each word was hard to get out; real pain was etched on his face; his eyes alternated between sudden horror and dread directed at the floor. This display of fear intensified ours; we gasped along with him, each neck craning forward, each face shifting with his emotions— finally, while Macduff, focused on his role, remained oblivious to the heightened sympathy of the audience, delivered his lines with intense passion:

        All my pretty ones?
Did you say all?—O hell kite! All?
What! all my pretty chickens, and their dam,
At one fell swoop!

All my beautiful ones?
Did you say all?—Oh hell! All?
What! all my lovely chicks and their mother,
All at once!

A pang of tameless grief wrenched every heart, a burst of despair was echoed from every lip.—I had entered into the universal feeling—I had been absorbed by the terrors of Rosse—I re-echoed the cry of Macduff, and then rushed out as from an hell of torture, to find calm in the free air and silent street.

A wave of uncontrollable grief hit everyone, and a shout of despair came from every mouth. I felt the shared emotion—I was caught up in Rosse's fears—I echoed Macduff's cry and then rushed out as if escaping a hell of torment, seeking peace in the open air and quiet street.

Free the air was not, or the street silent. Oh, how I longed then for the dear soothings of maternal Nature, as my wounded heart was still further stung by the roar of heartless merriment from the public-house, by the sight of the drunkard reeling home, having lost the memory of what he would find there in oblivious debauch, and by the more appalling salutations of those melancholy beings to whom the name of home was a mockery. I ran on at my utmost speed until I found myself I knew not how, close to Westminster Abbey, and was attracted by the deep and swelling tone of the organ. I entered with soothing awe the lighted chancel, and listened to the solemn religious chaunt, which spoke peace and hope to the unhappy. The notes, freighted with man’s dearest prayers, re-echoed through the dim aisles, and the bleeding of the soul’s wounds was staunched by heavenly balm. In spite of the misery I deprecated, and could not understand; in spite of the cold hearths of wide London, and the corpse-strewn fields of my native land; in spite of all the variety of agonizing emotions I had that evening experienced, I thought that in reply to our melodious adjurations, the Creator looked down in compassion and promise of relief; the awful peal of the heaven-winged music seemed fitting voice wherewith to commune with the Supreme; calm was produced by its sound, and by the sight of many other human creatures offering up prayers and submission with me. A sentiment approaching happiness followed the total resignation of one’s being to the guardianship of the world’s ruler. Alas! with the failing of this solemn strain, the elevated spirit sank again to earth. Suddenly one of the choristers died—he was lifted from his desk, the vaults below were hastily opened—he was consigned with a few muttered prayers to the darksome cavern, abode of thousands who had gone before—now wide yawning to receive even all who fulfilled the funeral rites. In vain I would then have turned from this scene, to darkened aisle or lofty dome, echoing with melodious praise. In the open air alone I found relief; among nature’s beauteous works, her God reassumed his attribute of benevolence, and again I could trust that he who built up the mountains, planted the forests, and poured out the rivers, would erect another state for lost humanity, where we might awaken again to our affections, our happiness, and our faith.

The air was not fresh, and the street was silent. Oh, how I longed for the comforting presence of Mother Nature, as my wounded heart was further stung by the loud, carefree laughter from the pub, by the sight of the drunk staggering home, having forgotten what awaited him there in his drunken haze, and by the sad greetings of those melancholy souls for whom the idea of home was a cruel joke. I ran at full speed until I found myself, somehow, close to Westminster Abbey, drawn in by the deep, resonant sound of the organ. I entered the lit chancel with a soothing sense of awe and listened to the solemn religious chant that brought peace and hope to the unhappy. The notes, filled with humanity’s most cherished prayers, echoed through the dim aisles, and the wounds of the soul were healed by divine comfort. Despite the suffering I lamented and couldn’t comprehend; despite the cold homes scattered across London and the battlefields of my homeland; despite all the painful emotions I had experienced that evening, I felt that in response to our harmonious pleas, the Creator looked down with compassion and a promise of relief; the powerful sounds of the heavenly music seemed like an appropriate way to connect with the Divine; tranquility came from its melody and the sight of many others joining me in prayer and submission. A feeling close to happiness followed the total surrender of one’s being to the guidance of the world's ruler. Alas! as this solemn melody faded, my elevated spirit sank back to earth. Suddenly, one of the choir members collapsed—he was lifted from his place, the vault below was quickly opened—and he was lowered with a few whispered prayers into the dark chamber, home to thousands who had come before him—now wide open to receive even all who performed the funeral rites. I would have turned away from this scene in vain, to the dim aisle or the lofty dome, echoing with lovely praise. Only in the fresh air did I find relief; among the beautiful creations of nature, my God resumed His benevolent nature, and once again I could believe that He who built the mountains, planted the forests, and poured out the rivers would create another realm for lost humanity, where we might awaken once more to our love, our happiness, and our faith.

Fortunately for me those circumstances were of rare occurrence that obliged me to visit London, and my duties were confined to the rural district which our lofty castle overlooked; and here labour stood in the place of pastime, to occupy such of the country people as were sufficiently exempt from sorrow or disease. My endeavours were directed towards urging them to their usual attention to their crops, and to the acting as if pestilence did not exist. The mower’s scythe was at times heard; yet the joyless haymakers after they had listlessly turned the grass, forgot to cart it; the shepherd, when he had sheared his sheep, would let the wool lie to be scattered by the winds, deeming it useless to provide clothing for another winter. At times however the spirit of life was awakened by these employments; the sun, the refreshing breeze, the sweet smell of the hay, the rustling leaves and prattling rivulets brought repose to the agitated bosom, and bestowed a feeling akin to happiness on the apprehensive. Nor, strange to say, was the time without its pleasures. Young couples, who had loved long and hopelessly, suddenly found every impediment removed, and wealth pour in from the death of relatives. The very danger drew them closer. The immediate peril urged them to seize the immediate opportunity; wildly and passionately they sought to know what delights existence afforded, before they yielded to death, and

Fortunately for me, those circumstances rarely forced me to visit London, and my responsibilities were limited to the rural area that our grand castle overlooked. Here, work replaced leisure, keeping those country folks who were somehow free from sorrow or illness occupied. I focused on encouraging them to pay attention to their crops and act as if the plague didn’t exist. Sometimes you could hear the mower’s scythe, but the joyless haymakers, after lazily turning the grass, forgot to haul it away. The shepherd, after shearing his sheep, would let the wool lie as it got blown around by the wind, thinking it pointless to prepare for another winter. However, sometimes the spirit of life was stirred by these tasks; the sun, the gentle breeze, the sweet scent of the hay, the rustling leaves, and the babbling brooks brought calm to troubled hearts and a feeling similar to happiness to those who were anxious. Strangely enough, this time also had its joys. Young couples who had loved each other for a long time, often hopelessly, suddenly found every obstacle removed and wealth arriving with the death of relatives. The very danger brought them closer together. The immediate threat pushed them to seize the moment; passionately and wildly, they sought to discover what joys life had to offer before surrendering to death, and

Snatching their pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life,[13]

Snatching their pleasures with rough struggle
Through the iron gates of life,[13]

they defied the conquering pestilence to destroy what had been, or to erase even from their death-bed thoughts the sentiment of happiness which had been theirs.

they challenged the invading disease to wipe out what had existed, or to remove even from their dying thoughts the feeling of happiness that had once been theirs.

One instance of this kind came immediately under our notice, where a high-born girl had in early youth given her heart to one of meaner extraction. He was a schoolfellow and friend of her brother’s, and usually spent a part of the holidays at the mansion of the duke her father. They had played together as children, been the confidants of each other’s little secrets, mutual aids and consolers in difficulty and sorrow. Love had crept in, noiseless, terrorless at first, till each felt their life bound up in the other, and at the same time knew that they must part. Their extreme youth, and the purity of their attachment, made them yield with less resistance to the tyranny of circumstances. The father of the fair Juliet separated them; but not until the young lover had promised to remain absent only till he had rendered himself worthy of her, and she had vowed to preserve her virgin heart, his treasure, till he returned to claim and possess it.

One such case came to our attention, where a girl from a wealthy family had, in her early years, fallen in love with someone from a lower social class. He was a schoolmate and friend of her brother, often spending part of his holidays at the duke’s estate, her father. They had played together as kids, shared each other’s little secrets, and supported one another in tough times. Love quietly crept in, at first without fear, until they realized their lives were intertwined and that they would have to separate. Their youth and the innocence of their feelings made them more vulnerable to the pressures around them. Juliet’s father kept them apart; however, not before the young man promised to stay away only until he could prove himself worthy of her, and she vowed to keep her pure heart, his treasure, safe until he returned to claim it.

Plague came, threatening to destroy at once the aim of the ambitious and the hopes of love. Long the Duke of L——derided the idea that there could be danger while he pursued his plans of cautious seclusion; and he so far succeeded, that it was not till this second summer, that the destroyer, at one fell stroke, overthrew his precautions, his security, and his life. Poor Juliet saw one by one, father, mother, brothers, and sisters, sicken and die. Most of the servants fled on the first appearance of disease, those who remained were infected mortally; no neighbour or rustic ventured within the verge of contagion. By a strange fatality Juliet alone escaped, and she to the last waited on her relatives, and smoothed the pillow of death. The moment at length came, when the last blow was given to the last of the house: the youthful survivor of her race sat alone among the dead. There was no living being near to soothe her, or withdraw her from this hideous company. With the declining heat of a September night, a whirlwind of storm, thunder, and hail, rattled round the house, and with ghastly harmony sung the dirge of her family. She sat upon the ground absorbed in wordless despair, when through the gusty wind and bickering rain she thought she heard her name called. Whose could that familiar voice be? Not one of her relations, for they lay glaring on her with stony eyes. Again her name was syllabled, and she shuddered as she asked herself, am I becoming mad, or am I dying, that I hear the voices of the departed? A second thought passed, swift as an arrow, into her brain; she rushed to the window; and a flash of lightning shewed to her the expected vision, her lover in the shrubbery beneath; joy lent her strength to descend the stairs, to open the door, and then she fainted in his supporting arms.

Plague arrived, threatening to wipe out the ambitions of the power-hungry and the dreams of love. For a long time, the Duke of L—— mocked the idea that there could be any danger while he followed his plans for careful isolation; he was so confident that it wasn't until this second summer that the destroyer, in one sudden blow, shattered his precautions, his sense of security, and his life. Poor Juliet watched as her father, mother, brothers, and sisters fell ill and died one by one. Most of the servants fled at the first sign of disease; those who stayed soon succumbed as well. No neighbor or local dared to approach the contaminated area. Strangely, Juliet was the only one who escaped, and until the end, she cared for her relatives and comforted them as they passed away. The moment finally came when the last blow struck the last of her family: the young survivor sat alone among the dead. There was no one alive nearby to comfort her or pull her away from this horrifying scene. As the warmth of a September night faded, a storm, complete with thunder and hail, rattled the house and eerily sang the dirge of her family. She sat on the ground, lost in silent despair, when she thought she heard her name being called through the howling wind and driving rain. Whose voice could that be? Not one of her family, since they lay there staring at her with lifeless eyes. Her name was spoken again, and she shivered, wondering if she was going mad or if she was dying, hearing the voices of the dead. A second thought shot through her mind like an arrow; she rushed to the window, and a flash of lightning revealed what she had been longing for—her lover in the bushes below. Joy gave her the strength to run down the stairs, open the door, and then she fainted in his welcoming arms.

A thousand times she reproached herself, as with a crime, that she should revive to happiness with him. The natural clinging of the human mind to life and joy was in its full energy in her young heart; she gave herself impetuously up to the enchantment: they were married; and in their radiant features I saw incarnate, for the last time, the spirit of love, of rapturous sympathy, which once had been the life of the world.

A thousand times she blamed herself, as if it were a crime, for finding happiness with him again. The natural human instinct to hold onto life and joy was strong in her young heart; she eagerly succumbed to the magic of it all: they got married, and in their bright faces, I saw, for the last time, the essence of love and deep connection that had once brought the world to life.

I envied them, but felt how impossible it was to imbibe the same feeling, now that years had multiplied my ties in the world. Above all, the anxious mother, my own beloved and drooping Idris, claimed my earnest care; I could not reproach the anxiety that never for a moment slept in her heart, but I exerted myself to distract her attention from too keen an observation of the truth of things, of the near and nearer approaches of disease, misery, and death, of the wild look of our attendants as intelligence of another and yet another death reached us; for to the last something new occurred that seemed to transcend in horror all that had gone before. Wretched beings crawled to die under our succouring roof; the inhabitants of the Castle decreased daily, while the survivors huddled together in fear, and, as in a famine-struck boat, the sport of the wild, interminable waves, each looked in the other’s face, to guess on whom the death-lot would next fall. All this I endeavoured to veil, so that it might least impress my Idris; yet, as I have said, my courage survived even despair: I might be vanquished, but I would not yield.

I envied them, but I felt how impossible it was to feel the same way, now that years had deepened my connections in the world. Above all, my anxious mother, my dear and ailing Idris, required my full attention; I couldn’t blame the worry that never left her heart, but I tried hard to distract her from noticing the harsh reality of things—the ever-looming threats of sickness, suffering, and death, and the frantic expressions of our caregivers as news of yet another death reached us. Somehow, something new always seemed to arise that was even more horrifying than what had come before. Miserable souls crawled to our shelter just to die under our roof; the people of the Castle dwindled daily, while the survivors clung to each other in fear, like passengers in a boat adrift in a storm, each trying to guess who would be next to die. I did my best to hide all this to protect Idris from its impact; still, as I said, my resolve held strong even in despair: I might be defeated, but I wouldn't give up.

One day, it was the ninth of September, seemed devoted to every disaster, to every harrowing incident. Early in the day, I heard of the arrival of the aged grandmother of one of our servants at the Castle. This old woman had reached her hundredth year; her skin was shrivelled, her form was bent and lost in extreme decrepitude; but as still from year to year she continued in existence, out-living many younger and stronger, she began to feel as if she were to live for ever. The plague came, and the inhabitants of her village died. Clinging, with the dastard feeling of the aged, to the remnant of her spent life, she had, on hearing that the pestilence had come into her neighbourhood, barred her door, and closed her casement, refusing to communicate with any. She would wander out at night to get food, and returned home, pleased that she had met no one, that she was in no danger from the plague. As the earth became more desolate, her difficulty in acquiring sustenance increased; at first, her son, who lived near, had humoured her by placing articles of food in her way: at last he died. But, even though threatened by famine, her fear of the plague was paramount; and her greatest care was to avoid her fellow creatures. She grew weaker each day, and each day she had further to go. The night before, she had reached Datchet; and, prowling about, had found a baker’s shop open and deserted. Laden with spoil, she hastened to return, and lost her way. The night was windless, hot, and cloudy; her load became too heavy for her; and one by one she threw away her loaves, still endeavouring to get along, though her hobbling fell into lameness, and her weakness at last into inability to move.

One day, on the ninth of September, it felt like every disaster and terrible event was happening at once. Early that day, I heard that the elderly grandmother of one of our servants had arrived at the Castle. This woman had reached her hundredth year; her skin was wrinkled, her body was bent, and she was extremely frail. Yet, as she managed to keep living, outlasting many younger and stronger people, she started to feel like she would live forever. The plague arrived, and the people in her village died. Clinging to her remaining life with the fearful grasp of the elderly, she sealed her door and shut her windows upon hearing that the disease had reached her area, refusing to interact with anyone. She would go out at night to scavenge for food, returning home pleased that she hadn’t encountered anyone and was safe from the plague. As the world grew more desolate, finding food became harder for her; at first, her son, who lived nearby, helped her by leaving food for her to find. Eventually, he died. Even with the threat of starvation, her fear of the plague overshadowed everything; her main concern was to stay away from other people. She grew weaker each day, and each day she had to travel farther. The night before, she had made it to Datchet; while wandering around, she found a baker’s shop that was open yet deserted. Burdened with her haul, she hurried back but lost her way. The night was still, hot, and cloudy; her load became too heavy, and one by one she discarded her loaves as she struggled to keep moving, until her shuffling turned into limping, and eventually her weakness led her to be unable to move at all.

She lay down among the tall corn, and fell asleep. Deep in midnight, she was awaked by a rustling near her; she would have started up, but her stiff joints refused to obey her will. A low moan close to her ear followed, and the rustling increased; she heard a smothered voice breathe out, Water, Water! several times; and then again a sigh heaved from the heart of the sufferer. The old woman shuddered, she contrived at length to sit upright; but her teeth chattered, and her knees knocked together—close, very close, lay a half-naked figure, just discernible in the gloom, and the cry for water and the stifled moan were again uttered. Her motions at length attracted the attention of her unknown companion; her hand was seized with a convulsive violence that made the grasp feel like iron, the fingers like the keen teeth of a trap.—“At last you are come!” were the words given forth—but this exertion was the last effort of the dying—the joints relaxed, the figure fell prostrate, one low moan, the last, marked the moment of death. Morning broke; and the old woman saw the corpse, marked with the fatal disease, close to her; her wrist was livid with the hold loosened by death. She felt struck by the plague; her aged frame was unable to bear her away with sufficient speed; and now, believing herself infected, she no longer dreaded the association of others; but, as swiftly as she might, came to her grand-daughter, at Windsor Castle, there to lament and die. The sight was horrible; still she clung to life, and lamented her mischance with cries and hideous groans; while the swift advance of the disease shewed, what proved to be the fact, that she could not survive many hours.

She lay down in the tall corn and fell asleep. In the deep of midnight, she was awakened by a rustling nearby; she tried to get up, but her stiff joints wouldn’t cooperate. A low moan came close to her ear, followed by more rustling. She heard a muffled voice gasp, "Water, Water!" several times, and then another sigh came from the suffering figure. The old woman shuddered and eventually managed to sit up, but her teeth chattered, and her knees knocked together—close by lay a half-naked figure, barely visible in the dark, repeating the cry for water and the stifled moan. Her movements finally caught the attention of her unknown companion; her hand was grabbed with a violent grip that felt like iron, the fingers like sharp teeth of a trap. “At last you’ve come!” were the words spoken—but this effort was the last gasp of the dying—the joints relaxed, the figure fell flat, one last low moan marked the moment of death. Morning came, and the old woman saw the corpse, marked with the deadly disease, lying next to her; her wrist was bruised from the grip that death had released. She felt struck by the plague; her frail body couldn’t carry her away fast enough; and now, believing she was infected, she no longer feared being around others. As quickly as she could, she made her way to her granddaughter at Windsor Castle, there to grieve and die. The sight was horrifying; still, she clung to life, mourning her misfortune with cries and horrific groans, while the rapid spread of the disease showed that, in reality, she would not survive much longer.

While I was directing that the necessary care should be taken of her, Clara came in; she was trembling and pale; and, when I anxiously asked her the cause of her agitation, she threw herself into my arms weeping and exclaiming—“Uncle, dearest uncle, do not hate me for ever! I must tell you, for you must know, that Evelyn, poor little Evelyn”—her voice was choked by sobs. The fear of so mighty a calamity as the loss of our adored infant made the current of my blood pause with chilly horror; but the remembrance of the mother restored my presence of mind. I sought the little bed of my darling; he was oppressed by fever; but I trusted, I fondly and fearfully trusted, that there were no symptoms of the plague. He was not three years old, and his illness appeared only one of those attacks incident to infancy. I watched him long—his heavy half-closed lids, his burning cheeks and restless twining of his small fingers—the fever was violent, the torpor complete—enough, without the greater fear of pestilence, to awaken alarm. Idris must not see him in this state. Clara, though only twelve years old, was rendered, through extreme sensibility, so prudent and careful, that I felt secure in entrusting the charge of him to her, and it was my task to prevent Idris from observing their absence. I administered the fitting remedies, and left my sweet niece to watch beside him, and bring me notice of any change she should observe.

While I was making sure that she was taken care of, Clara came in; she was trembling and pale. When I anxiously asked her what was wrong, she threw herself into my arms, crying and saying, “Uncle, dearest uncle, please don’t hate me forever! I have to tell you, you need to know, that Evelyn, poor little Evelyn”—her voice was choked with sobs. The fear of such a terrible disaster as losing our beloved child made my blood run cold with horror, but thinking of her mother brought me back to my senses. I hurried to check on my sweet baby; he was burning up with fever, but I hoped, desperately yet cautiously, that there were no signs of the plague. He wasn’t even three years old, and his illness seemed like one of those typical childhood illnesses. I watched him for a long time—his heavy half-closed eyelids, his hot cheeks, and the restless movements of his small fingers—the fever was intense, and he seemed completely out of it—enough to be worrying without the added fear of plague. Idris couldn’t see him like this. Clara, though just twelve years old, was so sensitive that she was also very responsible and cautious, so I felt safe leaving him in her care. My job was to keep Idris from noticing that they were missing. I gave him the necessary medicine and left my sweet niece to sit by his side and let me know if she saw any change.

I then went to Idris, contriving in my way, plausible excuses for remaining all day in the Castle, and endeavouring to disperse the traces of care from my brow. Fortunately she was not alone. I found Merrival, the astronomer, with her. He was far too long sighted in his view of humanity to heed the casualties of the day, and lived in the midst of contagion unconscious of its existence. This poor man, learned as La Place, guileless and unforeseeing as a child, had often been on the point of starvation, he, his pale wife and numerous offspring, while he neither felt hunger, nor observed distress. His astronomical theories absorbed him; calculations were scrawled with coal on the bare walls of his garret: a hard-earned guinea, or an article of dress, was exchanged for a book without remorse; he neither heard his children cry, nor observed his companion’s emaciated form, and the excess of calamity was merely to him as the occurrence of a cloudy night, when he would have given his right hand to observe a celestial phenomenon. His wife was one of those wondrous beings, to be found only among women, with affections not to be diminished by misfortune. Her mind was divided between boundless admiration for her husband, and tender anxiety for her children—she waited on him, worked for them, and never complained, though care rendered her life one long-drawn, melancholy dream.

I then went to Idris, coming up with reasonable excuses to stay in the Castle all day and trying to hide the signs of worry on my face. Luckily, she wasn’t alone. I found Merrival, the astronomer, with her. He was too idealistic to pay attention to the day’s problems and went about his life oblivious to the chaos around him. This poor guy, as smart as La Place but as innocent and unaware as a child, had often been on the brink of starvation, with him, his pale wife, and their many kids, yet he felt no hunger and didn't notice their distress. His passion for astronomy consumed him; he scribbled calculations in coal on the bare walls of his attic room. He'd trade a hard-earned guinea or a piece of clothing for a book without a second thought; he didn’t even hear his children cry or notice his wife’s thin figure. To him, the weight of calamity felt no more significant than a cloudy night when he would have given anything to witness a celestial event. His wife was one of those incredible women who remain loving despite hardship. She balanced her overwhelming admiration for her husband with deep concern for their kids—she cared for him, worked for them, and never complained, even though worry turned her life into a constant, sad dream.

He had introduced himself to Adrian, by a request he made to observe some planetary motions from his glass. His poverty was easily detected and relieved. He often thanked us for the books we lent him, and for the use of our instruments, but never spoke of his altered abode or change of circumstances. His wife assured us, that he had not observed any difference, except in the absence of the children from his study, and to her infinite surprise he complained of this unaccustomed quiet.

He introduced himself to Adrian by asking to observe some planetary motions through his telescope. His financial struggles were clear but easily addressed. He often thanked us for the books we lent him and for letting him use our instruments, but he never mentioned his new living situation or changed circumstances. His wife told us that he hadn’t noticed any difference, except for the lack of the children in his study, and to her surprise, he complained about the unusual silence.

He came now to announce to us the completion of his Essay on the Pericyclical Motions of the Earth’s Axis, and the precession of the equinoctial points. If an old Roman of the period of the Republic had returned to life, and talked of the impending election of some laurel-crowned consul, or of the last battle with Mithridates, his ideas would not have been more alien to the times, than the conversation of Merrival. Man, no longer with an appetite for sympathy, clothed his thoughts in visible signs; nor were there any readers left: while each one, having thrown away his sword with opposing shield alone, awaited the plague, Merrival talked of the state of mankind six thousand years hence. He might with equal interest to us, have added a commentary, to describe the unknown and unimaginable lineaments of the creatures, who would then occupy the vacated dwelling of mankind. We had not the heart to undeceive the poor old man; and at the moment I came in, he was reading parts of his book to Idris, asking what answer could be given to this or that position.

He came to tell us that he had finished his Essay on the Pericyclical Motions of the Earth’s Axis and the precession of the equinoctial points. If an ancient Roman from the time of the Republic had come back to life and talked about the upcoming election of some laurel-crowned consul or the last battle with Mithridates, his ideas would have felt just as out of touch as Merrival’s conversation. People no longer cared for empathy; they expressed their thoughts only through visible signs. There were no readers left, as everyone had cast aside their swords and shields, waiting for the plague. Merrival spoke about the state of humanity six thousand years from now. He could just as well have added a commentary detailing the unknown and unimaginable features of the beings who would inhabit the world left behind by mankind. We couldn't bring ourselves to disillusion the poor old man; at that moment, when I arrived, he was reading parts of his book to Idris, asking for feedback on this or that point.

Idris could not refrain from a smile, as she listened; she had already gathered from him that his family was alive and in health; though not apt to forget the precipice of time on which she stood, yet I could perceive that she was amused for a moment, by the contrast between the contracted view we had so long taken of human life, and the seven league strides with which Merrival paced a coming eternity. I was glad to see her smile, because it assured me of her total ignorance of her infant’s danger: but I shuddered to think of the revulsion that would be occasioned by a discovery of the truth. While Merrival was talking, Clara softly opened a door behind Idris, and beckoned me to come with a gesture and look of grief. A mirror betrayed the sign to Idris—she started up. To suspect evil, to perceive that, Alfred being with us, the danger must regard her youngest darling, to fly across the long chambers into his apartment, was the work but of a moment. There she beheld her Evelyn lying fever-stricken and motionless. I followed her, and strove to inspire more hope than I could myself entertain; but she shook her head mournfully. Anguish deprived her of presence of mind; she gave up to me and Clara the physician’s and nurse’s parts; she sat by the bed, holding one little burning hand, and, with glazed eyes fixed on her babe, passed the long day in one unvaried agony. It was not the plague that visited our little boy so roughly; but she could not listen to my assurances; apprehension deprived her of judgment and reflection; every slight convulsion of her child’s features shook her frame —if he moved, she dreaded the instant crisis; if he remained still, she saw death in his torpor, and the cloud on her brow darkened.

Idris couldn't help but smile as she listened; she had already figured out that her family was alive and well. Though she wasn't likely to forget the dangerous situation we were in, I could see that she was momentarily amused by the difference between the limited perspective we’d had on life and the giant strides with which Merrival approached eternity. I was glad to see her smile because it showed me that she was completely unaware of her baby’s danger. But I shuddered at the thought of how devastated she would be if she found out the truth. While Merrival talked, Clara quietly opened a door behind Idris and signaled for me to come over with a look of concern. A reflection in the mirror tipped off Idris—she jumped to her feet. Suspecting something was wrong, realizing that since Alfred was with us, the danger must involve her youngest child, she rushed through the long halls to his room. There she found Evelyn, lying feverish and unmoving. I followed her and tried to give her more hope than I actually felt, but she shook her head sadly. Pain overwhelmed her ability to think clearly; she left the roles of the doctor and nurse to Clara and me. She sat by the bed, holding one tiny, hot hand, and with glazed eyes fixed on her baby, spent the long day in unending agony. It wasn’t the plague that was troubling our little boy so severely, but she couldn’t listen to my reassurances; her fear clouded her judgment. Every small twitch of her child’s face shook her to the core—if he moved, she feared the worst; if he stayed still, she saw death in his stillness, and her worry deepened.

The poor little thing’s fever encreased towards night. The sensation is most dreary, to use no stronger term, with which one looks forward to passing the long hours of night beside a sick bed, especially if the patient be an infant, who cannot explain its pain, and whose flickering life resembles the wasting flame of the watch-light,

The poor little thing’s fever got worse as night fell. It’s a really difficult feeling—no other way to put it—when you anticipate spending the long hours of night next to a sick bed, especially if the patient is a baby who can’t explain what hurts and whose fragile life is like the flickering flame of a candle.

        Whose narrow fire
Is shaken by the wind, and on whose edge
Devouring darkness hovers.[14]

Whose narrow flame
Is disturbed by the wind, and on whose edge
Devouring darkness looms.[14]

With eagerness one turns toward the east, with angry impatience one marks the unchequered darkness; the crowing of a cock, that sound of glee during day-time, comes wailing and untuneable—the creaking of rafters, and slight stir of invisible insect is heard and felt as the signal and type of desolation. Clara, overcome by weariness, had seated herself at the foot of her cousin’s bed, and in spite of her efforts slumber weighed down her lids; twice or thrice she shook it off; but at length she was conquered and slept. Idris sat at the bedside, holding Evelyn’s hand; we were afraid to speak to each other; I watched the stars —I hung over my child—I felt his little pulse—I drew near the mother—again I receded. At the turn of morning a gentle sigh from the patient attracted me, the burning spot on his cheek faded—his pulse beat softly and regularly—torpor yielded to sleep. For a long time I dared not hope; but when his unobstructed breathing and the moisture that suffused his forehead, were tokens no longer to be mistaken of the departure of mortal malady, I ventured to whisper the news of the change to Idris, and at length succeeded in persuading her that I spoke truth.

With eagerness, one looks toward the east, and with annoyed impatience, one notes the unbroken darkness; the crowing of a rooster, that cheerful sound of day, comes as a wail, out of tune—the creaking of rafters and the slight movement of unseen insects are felt as signs of desolation. Clara, exhausted, had settled at the foot of her cousin’s bed, and despite her efforts, sleep weighed down her eyelids; she shook it off two or three times, but eventually, she succumbed and fell asleep. Idris sat by the bedside, holding Evelyn’s hand; we were too afraid to speak to each other; I watched the stars—I leaned over my child—I felt his little pulse—I moved closer to the mother—then drew back again. As morning approached, a gentle sigh from the patient caught my attention, the hot spot on his cheek faded—his pulse beat softly and steadily—stupor gave way to sleep. For a long time, I didn’t dare to hope; but when his clear breathing and the moisture on his forehead unmistakably signaled the retreat of his illness, I finally whispered the news of the change to Idris and eventually convinced her that I was telling the truth.

But neither this assurance, nor the speedy convalescence of our child could restore her, even to the portion of peace she before enjoyed. Her fear had been too deep, too absorbing, too entire, to be changed to security. She felt as if during her past calm she had dreamed, but was now awake; she was

But neither this reassurance nor our child's quick recovery could bring her back to even the peace she once had. Her fear had been too deep, too consuming, too absolute to turn into a sense of security. She felt like she had been dreaming during her previous calm and was now awake; she was

        As one
In some lone watch-tower on the deep, awakened
From soothing visions of the home he loves,
Trembling to hear the wrathful billows roar;[15]

As one
In some solitary watchtower on the deep, awakened
From comforting dreams of the home he loves,
Shaking to hear the angry waves crash;[15]

as one who has been cradled by a storm, and awakes to find the vessel sinking. Before, she had been visited by pangs of fear—now, she never enjoyed an interval of hope. No smile of the heart ever irradiated her fair countenance; sometimes she forced one, and then gushing tears would flow, and the sea of grief close above these wrecks of past happiness. Still while I was near her, she could not be in utter despair— she fully confided herself to me—she did not seem to fear my death, or revert to its possibility; to my guardianship she consigned the full freight of her anxieties, reposing on my love, as a wind-nipped fawn by the side of a doe, as a wounded nestling under its mother’s wing, as a tiny, shattered boat, quivering still, beneath some protecting willow-tree. While I, not proudly as in days of joy, yet tenderly, and with glad consciousness of the comfort I afforded, drew my trembling girl close to my heart, and tried to ward every painful thought or rough circumstance from her sensitive nature.

as someone who has been rocked by a storm, and wakes up to find the boat sinking. Before, she had felt moments of fear—now, she never experienced a glimmer of hope. No smile ever brightened her beautiful face; sometimes she forced one, and then tears would flow, drowning the memories of past happiness. Yet, while I was with her, she couldn’t fall into complete despair—she really opened up to me—she didn’t seem to fear my death or think about its possibility; she entrusted me with all her worries, relying on my love, like a wind-chilled fawn beside its mother, like a wounded bird under its mom’s wing, like a tiny, broken boat, still shaking, beneath a protective willow tree. While I, not proudly as in happier times, but tenderly, and with the happy awareness of the comfort I provided, pulled my trembling girl close to my heart, trying to shield her sensitive nature from every painful thought or harsh circumstance.

One other incident occurred at the end of this summer. The Countess of Windsor, Ex-Queen of England, returned from Germany. She had at the beginning of the season quitted the vacant city of Vienna; and, unable to tame her haughty mind to anything like submission, she had delayed at Hamburgh, and, when at last she came to London, many weeks elapsed before she gave Adrian notice of her arrival. In spite of her coldness and long absence, he welcomed her with sensibility, displaying such affection as sought to heal the wounds of pride and sorrow, and was repulsed only by her total apparent want of sympathy. Idris heard of her mother’s return with pleasure. Her own maternal feelings were so ardent, that she imagined her parent must now, in this waste world, have lost pride and harshness, and would receive with delight her filial attentions. The first check to her duteous demonstrations was a formal intimation from the fallen majesty of England, that I was in no manner to be intruded upon her. She consented, she said, to forgive her daughter, and acknowledge her grandchildren; larger concessions must not be expected.

One other incident happened at the end of this summer. The Countess of Windsor, former Queen of England, returned from Germany. At the beginning of the season, she had left the empty city of Vienna; and, unable to lower her pride, she stayed in Hamburg for a while. When she finally arrived in London, many weeks passed before she let Adrian know she was back. Despite her coldness and long absence, he welcomed her warmly, showing affection that aimed to mend the wounds of pride and sadness, but he was met with her complete lack of empathy. Idris was pleased to hear about her mother’s return. Her own maternal feelings were so strong that she believed her parent must have lost her pride and harshness in this harsh world and would be happy to receive her loving attention. The first setback to her dutiful efforts was a formal notice from the fallen majesty of England that I was not to be allowed near her. She said she would forgive her daughter and recognize her grandchildren; no greater concessions should be expected.

To me this proceeding appeared (if so light a term may be permitted) extremely whimsical. Now that the race of man had lost in fact all distinction of rank, this pride was doubly fatuitous; now that we felt a kindred, fraternal nature with all who bore the stamp of humanity, this angry reminiscence of times for ever gone, was worse than foolish. Idris was too much taken up by her own dreadful fears, to be angry, hardly grieved; for she judged that insensibility must be the source of this continued rancour. This was not altogether the fact: but predominant self-will assumed the arms and masque of callous feeling; and the haughty lady disdained to exhibit any token of the struggle she endured; while the slave of pride, she fancied that she sacrificed her happiness to immutable principle.

To me, this situation seemed (if such a light term can be used) really strange. Now that humanity had lost all distinctions of rank, this pride seemed even more ridiculous; now that we felt connected, like family, with everyone who shared the mark of humanity, this angry reminder of a past that was gone forever was worse than foolish. Idris was too consumed by her own terrifying fears to feel anger or even much sadness; she believed that being indifferent must be the reason for this ongoing bitterness. This wasn't entirely true: but her overwhelming self-will took on the guise of indifference, and the proud woman refused to show any sign of the struggle she was facing; meanwhile, as a slave to her pride, she thought she was sacrificing her happiness for an unchanging principle.

False was all this—false all but the affections of our nature, and the links of sympathy with pleasure or pain. There was but one good and one evil in the world—life and death. The pomp of rank, the assumption of power, the possessions of wealth vanished like morning mist. One living beggar had become of more worth than a national peerage of dead lords— alas the day!—than of dead heroes, patriots, or men of genius. There was much of degradation in this: for even vice and virtue had lost their attributes—life—life—the continuation of our animal mechanism— was the Alpha and Omega of the desires, the prayers, the prostrate ambition of human race.

Everything else was false—everything except for the feelings that are part of our nature and our connections of sympathy through pleasure or pain. There was only one good and one evil in the world—life and death. The grandeur of status, the pretense of power, the possessions of wealth disappeared like morning mist. One living beggar was worth more than a national title held by dead lords—oh, what a day!—more than dead heroes, patriots, or brilliant minds. There was a lot of degradation in this: because even vice and virtue had lost their meaning—life—life—the continuation of our biological existence—was the beginning and the end of the desires, the prayers, the humble ambitions of the human race.

[10] Calderon de la Barca.

Calderón de la Barca.

[11] [2] Wordsworth.

Wordsworth.

[12] Keats.

Keats.

[13] Andrew Marvell.

Andrew Marvell.

[14] The Cenci

The Cenci

[15] The Brides’ Tragedy, by T. L. Beddoes, Esq.

[15] The Brides’ Tragedy, by T. L. Beddoes, Esq.

CHAPTER IX.

Half England was desolate, when October came, and the equinoctial winds swept over the earth, chilling the ardours of the unhealthy season. The summer, which was uncommonly hot, had been protracted into the beginning of this month, when on the eighteenth a sudden change was brought about from summer temperature to winter frost. Pestilence then made a pause in her death-dealing career. Gasping, not daring to name our hopes, yet full even to the brim with intense expectation, we stood, as a ship-wrecked sailor stands on a barren rock islanded by the ocean, watching a distant vessel, fancying that now it nears, and then again that it is bearing from sight. This promise of a renewed lease of life turned rugged natures to melting tenderness, and by contrast filled the soft with harsh and unnatural sentiments. When it seemed destined that all were to die, we were reckless of the how and when—now that the virulence of the disease was mitigated, and it appeared willing to spare some, each was eager to be among the elect, and clung to life with dastard tenacity. Instances of desertion became more frequent; and even murders, which made the hearer sick with horror, where the fear of contagion had armed those nearest in blood against each other. But these smaller and separate tragedies were about to yield to a mightier interest—and, while we were promised calm from infectious influences, a tempest arose wilder than the winds, a tempest bred by the passions of man, nourished by his most violent impulses, unexampled and dire.

Half of England was desolate when October arrived, and the equinoctial winds swept across the land, cooling the fervor of the unhealthy season. The summer, which had been unusually hot, lingered into the beginning of this month, when on the eighteenth a sudden shift occurred from summer warmth to winter chill. The plague then paused its deadly rampage. Gasping, not daring to voice our hopes, yet overflowing with intense anticipation, we stood like a shipwrecked sailor on a barren rock, surrounded by the ocean, watching a distant ship, thinking it was getting closer, then believing it was sailing away. This promise of a renewed lease on life softened hardened hearts and, in contrast, made the gentle feel harsh and unnatural emotions. When it seemed like everyone was destined to die, we stopped caring about the how and when—now that the severity of the disease had lessened, and it seemed willing to spare some, everyone was eager to be among the lucky survivors, clinging to life with desperate determination. Incidents of abandonment became more common; even murders occurred that left listeners horrified, as the fear of contagion turned relatives against one another. But these smaller, individual tragedies were about to give way to a greater turmoil—and while we were promised relief from infectious threats, a storm arose wilder than the winds, a storm fueled by human passions, driven by our most violent urges, unprecedented and terrifying.

A number of people from North America, the relics of that populous continent, had set sail for the East with mad desire of change, leaving their native plains for lands not less afflicted than their own. Several hundreds landed in Ireland, about the first of November, and took possession of such vacant habitations as they could find; seizing upon the superabundant food, and the stray cattle. As they exhausted the produce of one spot, they went on to another. At length they began to interfere with the inhabitants, and strong in their concentrated numbers, ejected the natives from their dwellings, and robbed them of their winter store. A few events of this kind roused the fiery nature of the Irish; and they attacked the invaders. Some were destroyed; the major part escaped by quick and well ordered movements; and danger made them careful. Their numbers ably arranged; the very deaths among them concealed; moving on in good order, and apparently given up to enjoyment, they excited the envy of the Irish. The Americans permitted a few to join their band, and presently the recruits outnumbered the strangers—nor did they join with them, nor imitate the admirable order which, preserved by the Trans-Atlantic chiefs, rendered them at once secure and formidable. The Irish followed their track in disorganized multitudes; each day encreasing; each day becoming more lawless. The Americans were eager to escape from the spirit they had roused, and, reaching the eastern shores of the island, embarked for England. Their incursion would hardly have been felt had they come alone; but the Irish, collected in unnatural numbers, began to feel the inroads of famine, and they followed in the wake of the Americans for England also. The crossing of the sea could not arrest their progress. The harbours of the desolate sea-ports of the west of Ireland were filled with vessels of all sizes, from the man of war to the small fishers’ boat, which lay sailorless, and rotting on the lazy deep. The emigrants embarked by hundreds, and unfurling their sails with rude hands, made strange havoc of buoy and cordage. Those who modestly betook themselves to the smaller craft, for the most part achieved their watery journey in safety. Some, in the true spirit of reckless enterprise, went on board a ship of an hundred and twenty guns; the vast hull drifted with the tide out of the bay, and after many hours its crew of landsmen contrived to spread a great part of her enormous canvass—the wind took it, and while a thousand mistakes of the helmsman made her present her head now to one point, and now to another, the vast fields of canvass that formed her sails flapped with a sound like that of a huge cataract; or such as a sea-like forest may give forth when buffeted by an equinoctial north-wind. The port-holes were open, and with every sea, which as she lurched, washed her decks, they received whole tons of water. The difficulties were increased by a fresh breeze which began to blow, whistling among the shrowds, dashing the sails this way and that, and rending them with horrid split, and such whir as may have visited the dreams of Milton, when he imagined the winnowing of the arch-fiend’s van-like wings, which encreased the uproar of wild chaos. These sounds were mingled with the roaring of the sea, the splash of the chafed billows round the vessel’s sides, and the gurgling up of the water in the hold. The crew, many of whom had never seen the sea before, felt indeed as if heaven and earth came ruining together, as the vessel dipped her bows in the waves, or rose high upon them. Their yells were drowned in the clamour of elements, and the thunder rivings of their unwieldy habitation—they discovered at last that the water gained on them, and they betook themselves to their pumps; they might as well have laboured to empty the ocean by bucketfuls. As the sun went down, the gale encreased; the ship seemed to feel her danger, she was now completely water-logged, and presented other indications of settling before she went down. The bay was crowded with vessels, whose crews, for the most part, were observing the uncouth sportings of this huge unwieldy machine—they saw her gradually sink; the waters now rising above her lower decks—they could hardly wink before she had utterly disappeared, nor could the place where the sea had closed over her be at all discerned. Some few of her crew were saved, but the greater part clinging to her cordage and masts went down with her, to rise only when death loosened their hold.

A number of people from North America, the remnants of that crowded continent, had set sail for the East with a wild desire for change, leaving their familiar lands for places just as troubled as their own. Hundreds landed in Ireland around the beginning of November and occupied any empty homes they could find, taking advantage of the surplus food and stray cattle. As they depleted the resources of one area, they moved on to the next. Eventually, they began to clash with the locals, and strong in their sheer numbers, they forced the natives out of their homes and stole their winter supplies. A few of these incidents ignited the fiery nature of the Irish, and they fought back against the invaders. Some were killed; most managed to escape quickly and in good order, and the danger made them cautious. With their numbers well organized; hiding any deaths among them; and moving in an orderly fashion while appearing to enjoy themselves, they sparked envy among the Irish. The Americans allowed a few locals to join their group, and soon the new recruits outnumbered the newcomers—but they didn’t cooperate or imitate the impressive order maintained by the Trans-Atlantic leaders, which made them both safe and intimidating. The Irish followed them in disorderly crowds; growing in number each day, and becoming more chaotic. The Americans were eager to leave the turmoil they had stirred up, and once they reached the eastern shores of the island, they set sail for England. Their invasion would hardly have made a mark if they had come alone; however, the Irish, gathered in unnatural numbers, started to feel the scourge of famine, and they too followed the Americans towards England. Crossing the sea didn’t stop their advance. The ports of the deserted Western Irish coastline were filled with ships of all sizes, from warships to small fishing boats, all lying abandoned and decaying on the stagnant sea. The emigrants boarded by the hundreds, and as they unfurled their sails with clumsy hands, they caused chaos with buoys and rigging. Those who modestly took smaller boats mostly made it across safely. Some, boldly adventurous, boarded a ship equipped with one hundred and twenty guns; the massive hull floated with the tide out of the bay, and after many hours, its crew of landlubbers managed to hoist a significant portion of its enormous sails—the wind caught it, and while a thousand mistakes from the helmsman caused her to pitch from one angle to another, the vast sails flapped like the roar of a giant waterfall or the sound a forest makes when battered by a fierce northern wind. The port holes were open, and each wave that crashed over her deck flooded it with tons of water. The situation worsened with a fresh breeze that began to blow, whistling through the rigging, tossing the sails around and tearing them apart with a horrible sound reminiscent of what might have filled Milton’s mind when he envisioned the chaotic wind from the arch-fiend's wings. Those noises mixed with the crashing of the ocean, the splashes of the turbulent waves against the ship's sides, and the water gurgling in the hold. The crew, many of whom had never seen the sea before, felt as if heaven and earth were collapsing on them as the boat dipped into the waves or soared high above them. Their screams were drowned out by the fury of the elements and the booming crashes of their unwieldy vessel—it became clear to them that the water was rising, and they rushed to their pumps; it would have been just as effective to try to empty the ocean with buckets. As the sun set, the storm intensified; the ship seemed to realize its peril, becoming completely waterlogged and showing other signs of about to sink. The bay was filled with ships, most of whose crews were watching the strange antics of this giant clumsy craft—they saw it gradually sink, the water now rising above its lower decks—they could barely blink before it completely vanished, and the spot where the sea swallowed it was impossible to identify. A few of her crew were rescued, but most, clinging to ropes and masts, went down with her, surfacing only when death finally freed them.

This event caused many of those who were about to sail, to put foot again on firm land, ready to encounter any evil rather than to rush into the yawning jaws of the pitiless ocean. But these were few, in comparison to the numbers who actually crossed. Many went up as high as Belfast to ensure a shorter passage, and then journeying south through Scotland, they were joined by the poorer natives of that country, and all poured with one consent into England.

This event made many people who were about to set sail step back onto solid ground, prepared to face any danger rather than dart into the unforgiving ocean. But they were few compared to the many who actually crossed. A lot went as far as Belfast to get a quicker route, and then traveled south through Scotland, where they were joined by the poorer locals, all heading into England together.

Such incursions struck the English with affright, in all those towns where there was still sufficient population to feel the change. There was room enough indeed in our hapless country for twice the number of invaders; but their lawless spirit instigated them to violence; they took a delight in thrusting the possessors from their houses; in seizing on some mansion of luxury, where the noble dwellers secluded themselves in fear of the plague; in forcing these of either sex to become their servants and purveyors; till, the ruin complete in one place, they removed their locust visitation to another. When unopposed they spread their ravages wide; in cases of danger they clustered, and by dint of numbers overthrew their weak and despairing foes. They came from the east and the north, and directed their course without apparent motive, but unanimously towards our unhappy metropolis.

Such invasions terrified the English in all those towns where enough people were still around to sense the change. There was definitely space in our unfortunate country for twice as many invaders, but their lawless nature drove them to violence. They took pleasure in pushing people out of their homes and seizing luxurious mansions where the noble residents were hiding in fear of the plague. They forced both men and women to become their servants and suppliers; once they completed the destruction in one area, they moved their swarm to another. When they faced no opposition, they spread their destruction far and wide; in dangerous situations, they gathered together and, with their numbers, overwhelmed their weak and desperate enemies. They came from the east and the north, heading towards our unfortunate capital without any clear reason, but in unison.

Communication had been to a great degree cut off through the paralyzing effects of pestilence, so that the van of our invaders had proceeded as far as Manchester and Derby, before we received notice of their arrival. They swept the country like a conquering army, burning—laying waste— murdering. The lower and vagabond English joined with them. Some few of the Lords Lieutenant who remained, endeavoured to collect the militia—but the ranks were vacant, panic seized on all, and the opposition that was made only served to increase the audacity and cruelty of the enemy. They talked of taking London, conquering England—calling to mind the long detail of injuries which had for many years been forgotten. Such vaunts displayed their weakness, rather than their strength—yet still they might do extreme mischief, which, ending in their destruction, would render them at last objects of compassion and remorse.

Communication had been mostly cut off due to the paralyzing effects of the plague, so the front line of our invaders had reached as far as Manchester and Derby before we were informed of their arrival. They swept through the country like a conquering army, burning, destroying, and murdering. The lower classes and vagabonds of England joined forces with them. A few of the remaining Lords Lieutenant tried to gather the militia, but the ranks were empty, panic took hold of everyone, and any resistance only made the enemy more brazen and cruel. They talked about taking London, conquering England—bringing to mind a long list of grievances that had been forgotten for years. Such boasts revealed their weaknesses rather than their strengths—yet they could still cause great harm, which, if it ended in their downfall, would ultimately make them objects of pity and regret.

We were now taught how, in the beginning of the world, mankind clothed their enemies in impossible attributes—and how details proceeding from mouth to mouth, might, like Virgil’s ever-growing Rumour, reach the heavens with her brow, and clasp Hesperus and Lucifer with her outstretched hands. Gorgon and Centaur, dragon and iron-hoofed lion, vast sea-monster and gigantic hydra, were but types of the strange and appalling accounts brought to London concerning our invaders. Their landing was long unknown, but having now advanced within an hundred miles of London, the country people flying before them arrived in successive troops, each exaggerating the numbers, fury, and cruelty of the assailants. Tumult filled the before quiet streets—women and children deserted their homes, escaping they knew not whither—fathers, husbands, and sons, stood trembling, not for themselves, but for their loved and defenceless relations. As the country people poured into London, the citizens fled southwards—they climbed the higher edifices of the town, fancying that they could discern the smoke and flames the enemy spread around them. As Windsor lay, to a great degree, in the line of march from the west, I removed my family to London, assigning the Tower for their sojourn, and joining Adrian, acted as his Lieutenant in the coming struggle.

We were then taught how, in the beginning of the world, people dressed up their enemies with impossible traits—and how details passed from person to person might, like Virgil’s constantly expanding Rumor, reach the heavens with her brow, and grab Hesperus and Lucifer with her outstretched hands. Gorgon and Centaur, dragon and iron-hoofed lion, huge sea-monster and gigantic hydra were just examples of the strange and terrifying stories brought to London about our invaders. Their landing was unknown for a long time, but having now moved within a hundred miles of London, the local people fled before them, arriving in waves, each exaggerating the numbers, rage, and cruelty of the attackers. Chaos filled the previously quiet streets—women and children abandoned their homes, escaping to who knows where—fathers, husbands, and sons trembled, not for themselves, but for their loved and defenseless family members. As the locals streamed into London, the city dwellers fled south—they climbed the taller buildings in the town, thinking they could see the smoke and flames the enemy spread around them. Since Windsor was largely in the path from the west, I moved my family to London, putting them in the Tower for safety, and joining Adrian, I served as his lieutenant in the coming fight.

We employed only two days in our preparations, and made good use of them. Artillery and arms were collected; the remnants of such regiments, as could be brought through many losses into any show of muster, were put under arms, with that appearance of military discipline which might encourage our own party, and seem most formidable to the disorganized multitude of our enemies. Even music was not wanting: banners floated in the air, and the shrill fife and loud trumpet breathed forth sounds of encouragement and victory. A practised ear might trace an undue faltering in the step of the soldiers; but this was not occasioned so much by fear of the adversary, as by disease, by sorrow, and by fatal prognostications, which often weighed most potently on the brave, and quelled the manly heart to abject subjection.

We spent just two days getting ready, and we made the most of them. We gathered artillery and weapons; the remnants of the regiments that had survived many losses were assembled, with a show of military discipline designed to boost our own morale and look intimidating to the disorganized crowd of our enemies. Even music was present: banners waved in the air, and the sharp sound of the fife and loud trumpet filled the air with notes of encouragement and victory. A trained ear might pick up an unusual unsteadiness in the soldiers' steps; however, this was less about fear of the enemy and more due to illness, grief, and foreboding, which often weighed heavily on the brave and diminished their spirits.

Adrian led the troops. He was full of care. It was small relief to him that our discipline should gain us success in such a conflict; while plague still hovered to equalize the conqueror and the conquered, it was not victory that he desired, but bloodless peace. As we advanced, we were met by bands of peasantry, whose almost naked condition, whose despair and horror, told at once the fierce nature of the coming enemy. The senseless spirit of conquest and thirst of spoil blinded them, while with insane fury they deluged the country in ruin. The sight of the military restored hope to those who fled, and revenge took place of fear. They inspired the soldiers with the same sentiment. Languor was changed to ardour, the slow step converted to a speedy pace, while the hollow murmur of the multitude, inspired by one feeling, and that deadly, filled the air, drowning the clang of arms and sound of music. Adrian perceived the change, and feared that it would be difficult to prevent them from wreaking their utmost fury on the Irish. He rode through the lines, charging the officers to restrain the troops, exhorting the soldiers, restoring order, and quieting in some degree the violent agitation that swelled every bosom.

Adrian led the troops, deeply concerned about their fate. It was little comfort to him that our discipline might bring us success in such a conflict; while disease still hung over us, equalizing the victors and the defeated, he craved not victory, but a peaceful solution. As we moved forward, we were faced by groups of peasants, their almost bare bodies and expressions of despair revealing the harsh nature of the approaching enemy. The blind urge for conquest and greed for loot drove them, while they recklessly ravaged the land. The sight of our military presence rekindled hope in the fleeing civilians, replacing fear with a desire for revenge, which infected the soldiers as well. Their lethargy transformed into energy, their slow march quickened, while the hollow murmur of the crowd, fueled by a singular, deadly emotion, filled the air, drowning out the sounds of armor and music. Adrian noticed the shift and worried it would be hard to stop them from unleashing their full wrath on the Irish. He rode through the ranks, instructing the officers to hold back the troops, urging the soldiers to maintain order, and calming, to some extent, the intense agitation that stirred within everyone.

We first came upon a few stragglers of the Irish at St. Albans. They retreated, and, joining others of their companions, still fell back, till they reached the main body. Tidings of an armed and regular opposition recalled them to a sort of order. They made Buckingham their head-quarters, and scouts were sent out to ascertain our situation. We remained for the night at Luton. In the morning a simultaneous movement caused us each to advance. It was early dawn, and the air, impregnated with freshest odour, seemed in idle mockery to play with our banners, and bore onwards towards the enemy the music of the bands, the neighings of the horses, and regular step of the infantry. The first sound of martial instruments that came upon our undisciplined foe, inspired surprise, not unmingled with dread. It spoke of other days, of days of concord and order; it was associated with times when plague was not, and man lived beyond the shadow of imminent fate. The pause was momentary. Soon we heard their disorderly clamour, the barbarian shouts, the untimed step of thousands coming on in disarray. Their troops now came pouring on us from the open country or narrow lanes; a large extent of unenclosed fields lay between us; we advanced to the middle of this, and then made a halt: being somewhat on superior ground, we could discern the space they covered. When their leaders perceived us drawn out in opposition, they also gave the word to halt, and endeavoured to form their men into some imitation of military discipline. The first ranks had muskets; some were mounted, but their arms were such as they had seized during their advance, their horses those they had taken from the peasantry; there was no uniformity, and little obedience, but their shouts and wild gestures showed the untamed spirit that inspired them. Our soldiers received the word, and advanced to quickest time, but in perfect order: their uniform dresses, the gleam of their polished arms, their silence, and looks of sullen hate, were more appalling than the savage clamour of our innumerous foe. Thus coming nearer and nearer each other, the howls and shouts of the Irish increased; the English proceeded in obedience to their officers, until they came near enough to distinguish the faces of their enemies; the sight inspired them with fury: with one cry, that rent heaven and was re-echoed by the furthest lines, they rushed on; they disdained the use of the bullet, but with fixed bayonet dashed among the opposing foe, while the ranks opening at intervals, the matchmen lighted the cannon, whose deafening roar and blinding smoke filled up the horror of the scene. I was beside Adrian; a moment before he had again given the word to halt, and had remained a few yards distant from us in deep meditation: he was forming swiftly his plan of action, to prevent the effusion of blood; the noise of cannon, the sudden rush of the troops, and yell of the foe, startled him: with flashing eyes he exclaimed, “Not one of these must perish!” and plunging the rowels into his horse’s sides, he dashed between the conflicting bands. We, his staff, followed him to surround and protect him; obeying his signal, however, we fell back somewhat. The soldiery perceiving him, paused in their onset; he did not swerve from the bullets that passed near him, but rode immediately between the opposing lines. Silence succeeded to clamour; about fifty men lay on the ground dying or dead. Adrian raised his sword in act to speak: “By whose command,” he cried, addressing his own troops, “do you advance? Who ordered your attack? Fall back; these misguided men shall not be slaughtered, while I am your general. Sheath your weapons; these are your brothers, commit not fratricide; soon the plague will not leave one for you to glut your revenge upon: will you be more pitiless than pestilence? As you honour me—as you worship God, in whose image those also are created—as your children and friends are dear to you,—shed not a drop of precious human blood.”

We first encountered a few stragglers from the Irish at St. Albans. They retreated and, joining their companions, fell back until they reached the main group. News of an armed and organized opposition brought them back to some kind of order. They set up their headquarters in Buckingham and sent out scouts to figure out our position. We spent the night in Luton. In the morning, a coordinated movement prompted both sides to advance. It was early dawn, and the air, filled with the freshest scents, seemed playfully to tug at our banners while carrying the sound of marching bands, the neighing of horses, and the steady steps of infantry toward the enemy. The first sound of military instruments that reached our disorganized foes filled them with surprise and a little fear. It reminded them of better days, of days of peace and order when plague wasn’t around, and when people didn’t live under the shadow of imminent death. The pause didn’t last long. Soon we heard their chaotic shouting, the wild cries, and the irregular march of thousands coming toward us. Their troops came pouring in from the open fields and narrow lanes; a large expanse of open land lay between us. We moved into the middle of it and then halted; from our higher ground, we could see the area they covered. When their leaders noticed us positioned in opposition, they too ordered a halt and tried to form their men into some semblance of military order. The front ranks had muskets; some were mounted, but their weapons were whatever they’d grabbed during their advance, and their horses were those taken from the peasants; there was no uniformity and little discipline, but their shouts and wild movements showed the untamed spirit that drove them. Our soldiers received their orders and advanced quickly, but in perfect order: their matching uniforms, the shine of their polished weapons, their silence, and their looks of grim determination were more intimidating than the savage cacophony from our many foes. As we got closer, the howls and shouts from the Irish grew louder; the English marched in accordance with their officers until they were close enough to see the faces of their enemies; this sight filled them with rage: with one collective cry that tore through the air and echoed from the farthest lines, they charged forward; they ignored bullets, instead plunging into the enemy with fixed bayonets, while at intervals their ranks opened up, allowing the gunners to light the cannons, whose deafening blast and blinding smoke added to the horror of the scene. I was beside Adrian; just moments before he had commanded the troops to halt and was a few yards away, deep in thought: he was quickly forming a plan to stop the bloodshed; the noise of cannon fire, the sudden rush of troops, and the enemy's cries startled him: with intense eyes, he shouted, “Not one of them must die!” and drove his spurs into his horse’s sides, charging between the clashing groups. We, his staff, followed him to surround and protect him, but following his signal, we pulled back slightly. The soldiers saw him and hesitated in their advance; he remained undeterred by the bullets that whizzed past him and rode directly into the gap between the opposing lines. Silence replaced the uproar; about fifty men lay on the ground, either dying or dead. Adrian raised his sword and addressed his own troops: “By whose orders,” he cried, “are you advancing? Who commanded your attack? Fall back; these misled men will not be slaughtered while I am your general. Sheath your weapons; they are your brothers—don't commit fratricide; soon the plague will leave none for you to take vengeance upon: will you be more merciless than the pestilence? As you honor me—as you revere God, in whose image they were also created—as your children and friends are dear to you,—don't shed a single drop of precious human blood.”

He spoke with outstretched hand and winning voice, and then turning to our invaders, with a severe brow, he commanded them to lay down their arms: “Do you think,” he said, “that because we are wasted by plague, you can overcome us; the plague is also among you, and when ye are vanquished by famine and disease, the ghosts of those you have murdered will arise to bid you not hope in death. Lay down your arms, barbarous and cruel men—men whose hands are stained with the blood of the innocent, whose souls are weighed down by the orphan’s cry! We shall conquer, for the right is on our side; already your cheeks are pale—the weapons fall from your nerveless grasp. Lay down your arms, fellow men! brethren! Pardon, succour, and brotherly love await your repentance. You are dear to us, because you wear the frail shape of humanity; each one among you will find a friend and host among these forces. Shall man be the enemy of man, while plague, the foe to all, even now is above us, triumphing in our butchery, more cruel than her own?”

He spoke with an open hand and a persuasive voice, and then, turning to our attackers with a serious expression, he commanded them to put down their weapons: “Do you think,” he said, “that just because we are weakened by plague, you can defeat us? The plague is among you too, and when you are overcome by hunger and disease, the spirits of those you have killed will rise to tell you not to expect peace in death. Put down your weapons, barbaric and cruel men—men whose hands are stained with the blood of the innocent, whose souls are burdened by the cries of orphans! We will prevail, for we are in the right; already your faces are pale—the weapons slip from your unsteady hands. Put down your arms, fellow men! Brothers! Forgiveness, help, and brotherly love await your change of heart. You are precious to us, because you bear the fragile form of humanity; each one of you will find a friend and a host among these forces. Should man be the enemy of man, while disease, the true enemy of all, looms above us, reveling in our slaughter, more ruthless than itself?”

Each army paused. On our side the soldiers grasped their arms firmly, and looked with stern glances on the foe. These had not thrown down their weapons, more from fear than the spirit of contest; they looked at each other, each wishing to follow some example given him,—but they had no leader. Adrian threw himself from his horse, and approaching one of those just slain: “He was a man,” he cried, “and he is dead. O quickly bind up the wounds of the fallen—let not one die; let not one more soul escape through your merciless gashes, to relate before the throne of God the tale of fratricide; bind up their wounds—restore them to their friends. Cast away the hearts of tigers that burn in your breasts; throw down those tools of cruelty and hate; in this pause of exterminating destiny, let each man be brother, guardian, and stay to the other. Away with those blood-stained arms, and hasten some of you to bind up these wounds.”

Each army paused. On our side, the soldiers gripped their weapons tightly and glared sternly at the enemy. The opposing side hadn’t dropped their weapons, more out of fear than a fighting spirit; they looked at one another, each hoping to follow someone else's lead—but they had no leader. Adrian dismounted from his horse and approached one of the fallen: “He was a man,” he shouted, “and he is dead. Quickly, tend to the wounds of the injured—don’t let anyone die; don’t let one more soul slip away through your merciless cuts, to tell the tale of brother killing brother before the throne of God; bind up their wounds—bring them back to their friends. Cast aside the hearts of tigers that burn within you; put down those instruments of cruelty and hatred; in this moment of destructive fate, let each man be a brother, protector, and support to the other. Throw away those blood-stained weapons, and some of you hurry to tend to these wounds.”

As he spoke, he knelt on the ground, and raised in his arms a man from whose side the warm tide of life gushed—the poor wretch gasped—so still had either host become, that his moans were distinctly heard, and every heart, late fiercely bent on universal massacre, now beat anxiously in hope and fear for the fate of this one man. Adrian tore off his military scarf and bound it round the sufferer—it was too late—the man heaved a deep sigh, his head fell back, his limbs lost their sustaining power.— “He is dead!” said Adrian, as the corpse fell from his arms on the ground, and he bowed his head in sorrow and awe. The fate of the world seemed bound up in the death of this single man. On either side the bands threw down their arms, even the veterans wept, and our party held out their hands to their foes, while a gush of love and deepest amity filled every heart. The two forces mingling, unarmed and hand in hand, talking only how each might assist the other, the adversaries conjoined; each repenting, the one side their former cruelties, the other their late violence, they obeyed the orders of the General to proceed towards London.

As he spoke, he knelt on the ground and lifted a man whose side was bleeding profusely—the poor guy gasped—so quiet had the crowd become that his moans could be clearly heard, and every heart, which had been fiercely focused on destruction, now beat anxiously in hope and fear for this one man's fate. Adrian ripped off his military scarf and wrapped it around the injured man—it was too late—the man let out a deep sigh, his head fell back, and his limbs lost all strength. “He is dead!” Adrian said as the body slipped from his arms to the ground, and he lowered his head in sorrow and reverence. It felt like the fate of the world was tied to this one man's death. On both sides, the troops dropped their weapons, even the veterans cried, and our group reached out to their enemies, as a wave of love and deep friendship filled every heart. The two forces mingled, unarmed and hand in hand, discussing how they could help one another, rival factions coming together; each side regretting their past cruelties and the recent violence, they followed the General’s orders to move toward London.

Adrian was obliged to exert his utmost prudence, first to allay the discord, and then to provide for the multitude of the invaders. They were marched to various parts of the southern counties, quartered in deserted villages,—a part were sent back to their own island, while the season of winter so far revived our energy, that the passes of the country were defended, and any increase of numbers prohibited.

Adrian had to be very careful, first to calm the conflict, and then to take care of the many invaders. They were sent to different areas of the southern counties, housed in abandoned villages—some were sent back to their own island, while the winter season helped boost our energy, allowing us to defend the country's pathways and prevent any increase in numbers.

On this occasion Adrian and Idris met after a separation of nearly a year. Adrian had been occupied in fulfilling a laborious and painful task. He had been familiar with every species of human misery, and had for ever found his powers inadequate, his aid of small avail. Yet the purpose of his soul, his energy and ardent resolution, prevented any re-action of sorrow. He seemed born anew, and virtue, more potent than Medean alchemy, endued him with health and strength. Idris hardly recognized the fragile being, whose form had seemed to bend even to the summer breeze, in the energetic man, whose very excess of sensibility rendered him more capable of fulfilling his station of pilot in storm-tossed England.

On this occasion, Adrian and Idris met after being apart for almost a year. Adrian had been busy dealing with a tough and painful task. He had experienced every kind of human suffering and often felt his efforts were inadequate and his help had little effect. However, the determination of his spirit, along with his energy and strong will, kept him from feeling overwhelmed by sadness. He seemed like a new person, and a sense of virtue, more powerful than any magical transformation, gave him health and strength. Idris hardly recognized the once-fragile figure, who had seemed to bend even in a light summer breeze, in the dynamic man whose heightened sensitivity made him even more capable of being a guide in the turmoil of England.

It was not thus with Idris. She was uncomplaining; but the very soul of fear had taken its seat in her heart. She had grown thin and pale, her eyes filled with involuntary tears, her voice was broken and low. She tried to throw a veil over the change which she knew her brother must observe in her, but the effort was ineffectual; and when alone with him, with a burst of irrepressible grief she gave vent to her apprehensions and sorrow. She described in vivid terms the ceaseless care that with still renewing hunger ate into her soul; she compared this gnawing of sleepless expectation of evil, to the vulture that fed on the heart of Prometheus; under the influence of this eternal excitement, and of the interminable struggles she endured to combat and conceal it, she felt, she said, as if all the wheels and springs of the animal machine worked at double rate, and were fast consuming themselves. Sleep was not sleep, for her waking thoughts, bridled by some remains of reason, and by the sight of her children happy and in health, were then transformed to wild dreams, all her terrors were realized, all her fears received their dread fulfilment. To this state there was no hope, no alleviation, unless the grave should quickly receive its destined prey, and she be permitted to die, before she experienced a thousand living deaths in the loss of those she loved. Fearing to give me pain, she hid as best she could the excess of her wretchedness, but meeting thus her brother after a long absence, she could not restrain the expression of her woe, but with all the vividness of imagination with which misery is always replete, she poured out the emotions of her heart to her beloved and sympathizing Adrian.

It wasn't the same for Idris. She didn't complain, but there was a deep fear eating away at her heart. She had become thin and pale, her eyes were always filled with tears, and her voice was quiet and broken. She tried to hide the changes she knew her brother must notice, but her efforts were useless. When they were alone, she couldn't hold back her grief and shared her worries and sadness. She vividly described the constant anxiety that gnawed at her soul, comparing it to the vulture that fed on Prometheus's heart. Under this endless stress and the ongoing struggle to fight and hide it, she felt like all the mechanisms of her body were working in overdrive and wearing themselves out. Sleep wasn't really sleep for her; her waking thoughts, although somewhat controlled by reason and the sight of her happy, healthy children, turned into wild nightmares where all her fears came true. There was no hope for her, no relief, unless the grave took her quickly, allowing her to die before experiencing countless emotional deaths from the loss of those she loved. Wanting to spare me pain, she tried to conceal her deep misery, but after a long absence, meeting her brother again, she couldn't hide her sorrow. With the vivid imagination that often comes with suffering, she poured out her heart to her beloved and understanding Adrian.

Her present visit to London tended to augment her state of inquietude, by shewing in its utmost extent the ravages occasioned by pestilence. It hardly preserved the appearance of an inhabited city; grass sprung up thick in the streets; the squares were weed-grown, the houses were shut up, while silence and loneliness characterized the busiest parts of the town. Yet in the midst of desolation Adrian had preserved order; and each one continued to live according to law and custom—human institutions thus surviving as it were divine ones, and while the decree of population was abrogated, property continued sacred. It was a melancholy reflection; and in spite of the diminution of evil produced, it struck on the heart as a wretched mockery. All idea of resort for pleasure, of theatres and festivals had passed away. “Next summer,” said Adrian as we parted on our return to Windsor, “will decide the fate of the human race. I shall not pause in my exertions until that time; but, if plague revives with the coming year, all contest with her must cease, and our only occupation be the choice of a grave.”

Her current visit to London only increased her unease by revealing the full extent of the devastation caused by disease. It barely looked like a city anymore; thick grass grew in the streets, the squares were overrun with weeds, and the houses were boarded up, while silence and solitude dominated the busiest areas. Yet amid this desolation, Adrian managed to maintain order; everyone continued to live by the law and customs—human institutions surviving as if they were divine ones, and while the decree of population was lifted, property remained sacred. It was a sad thought; and despite the reduction of suffering, it felt like a cruel joke. Any idea of enjoyment, such as theaters and festivals, had vanished. “Next summer,” Adrian said as we parted on our way back to Windsor, “will determine the fate of humanity. I won’t stop my efforts until then; but if the plague returns with the new year, all resistance must end, and our only task will be to choose our graves.”

I must not forget one incident that occurred during this visit to London. The visits of Merrival to Windsor, before frequent, had suddenly ceased. At this time where but a hair’s line separated the living from the dead, I feared that our friend had become a victim to the all-embracing evil. On this occasion I went, dreading the worst, to his dwelling, to see if I could be of any service to those of his family who might have survived. The house was deserted, and had been one of those assigned to the invading strangers quartered in London. I saw his astronomical instruments put to strange uses, his globes defaced, his papers covered with abstruse calculations destroyed. The neighbours could tell me little, till I lighted on a poor woman who acted as nurse in these perilous times. She told me that all the family were dead, except Merrival himself, who had gone mad— mad, she called it, yet on questioning her further, it appeared that he was possessed only by the delirium of excessive grief. This old man, tottering on the edge of the grave, and prolonging his prospect through millions of calculated years,—this visionary who had not seen starvation in the wasted forms of his wife and children, or plague in the horrible sights and sounds that surrounded him—this astronomer, apparently dead on earth, and living only in the motion of the spheres—loved his family with unapparent but intense affection. Through long habit they had become a part of himself; his want of worldly knowledge, his absence of mind and infant guilelessness, made him utterly dependent on them. It was not till one of them died that he perceived their danger; one by one they were carried off by pestilence; and his wife, his helpmate and supporter, more necessary to him than his own limbs and frame, which had hardly been taught the lesson of self-preservation, the kind companion whose voice always spoke peace to him, closed her eyes in death. The old man felt the system of universal nature which he had so long studied and adored, slide from under him, and he stood among the dead, and lifted his voice in curses.—No wonder that the attendant should interpret as phrensy the harrowing maledictions of the grief-struck old man.

I can’t forget one incident that happened during my visit to London. Merrival’s trips to Windsor, which used to be frequent, had suddenly stopped. At a time when the line between life and death was so thin, I worried that our friend had become a victim of this widespread evil. On this occasion, fearing the worst, I went to his home to see if I could help any of his family who might have survived. The house was empty and had been assigned to the invading forces that had taken over London. I saw his astronomical instruments being used in strange ways, his globes damaged, and his papers filled with complex calculations destroyed. The neighbors couldn’t tell me much until I found a poor woman who worked as a nurse during these dangerous times. She informed me that all the family had died, except for Merrival himself, who had lost his mind—she called it madness, but upon asking her more, it seemed he was simply overwhelmed by unbearable grief. This old man, wobbling on the brink of death and extending his time through countless calculated years—this dreamer who hadn’t recognized starvation in the wasted bodies of his wife and children, or the plague in the horrific sights and sounds around him—this astronomer, seemingly dead on earth and only alive in the movements of the stars, loved his family with a deep, hidden affection. Over time, they had become part of him; his lack of worldly knowledge, absent-mindedness, and childlike innocence made him utterly dependent on them. It wasn't until one of them died that he realized their peril; one by one, they were taken by the disease, and his wife, his partner and supporter, more essential to him than his own limbs and body, which hardly understood the need for self-preservation, the gentle companion whose voice always calmed him, closed her eyes in death. The old man felt the system of universal nature he had long studied and revered slip away from him, and he found himself among the dead, raising his voice in curses. It’s no surprise that the attendant interpreted the heartbreaking outbursts of the grief-stricken old man as madness.

I had commenced my search late in the day, a November day, that closed in early with pattering rain and melancholy wind. As I turned from the door, I saw Merrival, or rather the shadow of Merrival, attenuated and wild, pass me, and sit on the steps of his home. The breeze scattered the grey locks on his temples, the rain drenched his uncovered head, he sat hiding his face in his withered hands. I pressed his shoulder to awaken his attention, but he did not alter his position. “Merrival,” I said, “it is long since we have seen you—you must return to Windsor with me—Lady Idris desires to see you, you will not refuse her request—come home with me.”

I started my search late in the day, on a November day that got dark quickly with light rain and a gloomy wind. As I turned away from the door, I noticed Merrival, or at least the shadow of him, looking thin and wild, passing by and sitting on the steps of his house. The wind blew his grey hair around, the rain soaked his bare head, and he sat there with his face hidden in his wrinkled hands. I gently pressed his shoulder to get his attention, but he didn't move. “Merrival,” I said, “it's been a long time since we've seen you—you need to come back to Windsor with me—Lady Idris wants to see you, and you can't refuse her request—come home with me.”

He replied in a hollow voice, “Why deceive a helpless old man, why talk hypocritically to one half crazed? Windsor is not my home; my true home I have found; the home that the Creator has prepared for me.”

He answered in a flat voice, “Why lie to a helpless old man? Why speak insincerely to someone who's somewhat out of his mind? Windsor isn’t my home; I've found my real home, the one that the Creator has made for me.”

His accent of bitter scorn thrilled me—“Do not tempt me to speak,” he continued, “my words would scare you—in an universe of cowards I dare think—among the church-yard tombs—among the victims of His merciless tyranny I dare reproach the Supreme Evil. How can he punish me? Let him bare his arm and transfix me with lightning—this is also one of his attributes”—and the old man laughed.

His tone of bitter scorn sent a chill through me. “Don’t push me to speak,” he said, “my words would frighten you—in a world full of cowards, I have the courage to think—among the graves—among the victims of His ruthless tyranny, I dare to confront the Supreme Evil. How can he punish me? Let him raise his arm and strike me with lightning—this is just one of his traits”—and the old man laughed.

He rose, and I followed him through the rain to a neighbouring church-yard —he threw himself on the wet earth. “Here they are,” he cried, “beautiful creatures—breathing, speaking, loving creatures. She who by day and night cherished the age-worn lover of her youth—they, parts of my flesh, my children—here they are: call them, scream their names through the night; they will not answer!” He clung to the little heaps that marked the graves. “I ask but one thing; I do not fear His hell, for I have it here; I do not desire His heaven, let me but die and be laid beside them; let me but, when I lie dead, feel my flesh as it moulders, mingle with theirs. Promise,” and he raised himself painfully, and seized my arm, “promise to bury me with them.”

He got up, and I followed him through the rain to a nearby cemetery—he dropped to the wet ground. “Here they are,” he shouted, “beautiful beings—alive, speaking, loving beings. She who cared for the aging lover of her youth day and night—they're parts of me, my children—here they are: call them, scream their names into the night; they won’t respond!” He clung to the small mounds that marked the graves. “I ask for just one thing; I don’t fear His hell, because I’m living it here; I don’t want His heaven, just let me die and be laid beside them; let me, when I’m dead, feel my flesh decay and mix with theirs. Promise,” and he struggled to sit up, gripping my arm, “promise to bury me with them.”

“So God help me and mine as I promise,” I replied, “on one condition: return with me to Windsor.”

“So help me God and my family as I promise,” I replied, “on one condition: come back with me to Windsor.”

“To Windsor!” he cried with a shriek, “Never!—from this place I never go —my bones, my flesh, I myself, are already buried here, and what you see of me is corrupted clay like them. I will lie here, and cling here, till rain, and hail, and lightning and storm, ruining on me, make me one in substance with them below.”

“To Windsor!” he shouted with a scream, “Never!—I will never leave this place —my bones, my flesh, I myself, are already buried here, and what you see of me is just decaying dirt like them. I will lie here, and hold on here, until rain, hail, lightning, and storms pour down on me, making me one with them below.”

In a few words I must conclude this tragedy. I was obliged to leave London, and Adrian undertook to watch over him; the task was soon fulfilled; age, grief, and inclement weather, all united to hush his sorrows, and bring repose to his heart, whose beats were agony. He died embracing the sod, which was piled above his breast, when he was placed beside the beings whom he regretted with such wild despair.

In a few words, I need to wrap up this story. I had to leave London, and Adrian took it upon himself to look after him. That job didn't take long; age, grief, and bad weather all worked together to quiet his sorrows and bring peace to his heart, which was filled with pain. He died lying with the earth resting on his chest, placed next to the people he mourned with such intense despair.

I returned to Windsor at the wish of Idris, who seemed to think that there was greater safety for her children at that spot; and because, once having taken on me the guardianship of the district, I would not desert it while an inhabitant survived. I went also to act in conformity with Adrian’s plans, which was to congregate in masses what remained of the population; for he possessed the conviction that it was only through the benevolent and social virtues that any safety was to be hoped for the remnant of mankind.

I went back to Windsor because Idris believed it was safer for her children there, and since I had taken on the responsibility of looking after the area, I didn't want to abandon it as long as there were people living there. I also went to follow Adrian's plan, which was to gather what was left of the population together, since he was convinced that any hope for the survival of humanity lay in kindness and community.

It was a melancholy thing to return to this spot so dear to us, as the scene of a happiness rarely before enjoyed, here to mark the extinction of our species, and trace the deep uneraseable footsteps of disease over the fertile and cherished soil. The aspect of the country had so far changed, that it had been impossible to enter on the task of sowing seed, and other autumnal labours. That season was now gone; and winter had set in with sudden and unusual severity. Alternate frosts and thaws succeeding to floods, rendered the country impassable. Heavy falls of snow gave an arctic appearance to the scenery; the roofs of the houses peeped from the white mass; the lowly cot and stately mansion, alike deserted, were blocked up, their thresholds uncleared; the windows were broken by the hail, while the prevalence of a north-east wind rendered out-door exertions extremely painful. The altered state of society made these accidents of nature, sources of real misery. The luxury of command and the attentions of servitude were lost. It is true that the necessaries of life were assembled in such quantities, as to supply to superfluity the wants of the diminished population; but still much labour was required to arrange these, as it were, raw materials; and depressed by sickness, and fearful of the future, we had not energy to enter boldly and decidedly on any system.

It was a sad thing to come back to this place that meant so much to us, once the scene of happiness we rarely experienced, now to witness the demise of our kind and see the deep, indelible marks of disease on the fertile, beloved ground. The landscape had changed so much that we couldn’t even begin to sow seeds or do any fall work. That season was over, and winter had hit suddenly and unusually hard. A mix of freezing temperatures and thaws after floods made the area impossible to navigate. Heavy snowfall gave the scenery a bleak, icy look; the roofs of houses poked out from the white blanket; both humble cottages and grand mansions, now abandoned, were buried, their doorsteps invisible; the windows were shattered by hail, and a biting north-east wind made it excruciating to be outdoors. The altered state of society turned these natural hardships into real suffering. The privileges of power and the help of servants were gone. It’s true that there were plenty of essential supplies to meet the needs of the smaller population, but organizing these raw resources required a lot of work; weighed down by illness and worried about what lay ahead, we didn’t have the energy to dive into any plan decisively.

I can speak for myself—want of energy was not my failing. The intense life that quickened my pulses, and animated my frame, had the effect, not of drawing me into the mazes of active life, but of exalting my lowliness, and of bestowing majestic proportions on insignificant objects—I could have lived the life of a peasant in the same way—my trifling occupations were swelled into important pursuits; my affections were impetuous and engrossing passions, and nature with all her changes was invested in divine attributes. The very spirit of the Greek mythology inhabited my heart; I deified the uplands, glades, and streams, I

I can speak for myself—lack of energy was not my issue. The vibrant life that quickened my pulse and energized my body didn’t pull me into the chaos of active living; instead, it lifted my humility and gave grand significance to the mundane. I could have lived as a peasant just the same—my minor activities became significant endeavors; my feelings transformed into intense and consuming passions, and nature, with all her transformations, was imbued with divine qualities. The very essence of Greek mythology filled my heart; I glorified the hills, forests, and streams, I

Had sight of Proteus coming from the sea;
And heard old Triton blow his wreathed horn.[16]

Had a glimpse of Proteus emerging from the sea;
And heard old Triton blow his twisted horn.[16]

Strange, that while the earth preserved her monotonous course, I dwelt with ever-renewing wonder on her antique laws, and now that with excentric wheel she rushed into an untried path, I should feel this spirit fade; I struggled with despondency and weariness, but like a fog, they choked me. Perhaps, after the labours and stupendous excitement of the past summer, the calm of winter and the almost menial toils it brought with it, were by natural re-action doubly irksome. It was not the grasping passion of the preceding year, which gave life and individuality to each moment—it was not the aching pangs induced by the distresses of the times. The utter inutility that had attended all my exertions took from them their usual effects of exhilaration, and despair rendered abortive the balm of self applause—I longed to return to my old occupations, but of what use were they? To read were futile—to write, vanity indeed. The earth, late wide circus for the display of dignified exploits, vast theatre for a magnificent drama, now presented a vacant space, an empty stage—for actor or spectator there was no longer aught to say or hear.

Strange, that while the earth kept its steady course, I remained in constant amazement at its ancient rules, and now that it sped off in an unknown direction, I should feel this spirit fade; I fought against hopelessness and exhaustion, but like a fog, they suffocated me. Perhaps, after the hard work and intense excitement of the past summer, the calm of winter and the almost menial tasks it brought felt doubly burdensome due to natural reaction. It wasn’t the burning passion of the previous year that made each moment feel alive and unique—it wasn’t the painful feelings caused by the troubles of the time. The complete uselessness of all my efforts drained them of their usual energizing effects, and despair made the comfort of self-praise pointless—I yearned to return to my old activities, but what purpose would they serve? Reading felt pointless—writing, pure vanity. The earth, once a vast arena for showcasing remarkable feats, a grand stage for a magnificent play, now presented a vacant space, an empty stage—there was no longer anything to say or hear, whether for actor or audience.

Our little town of Windsor, in which the survivors from the neighbouring counties were chiefly assembled, wore a melancholy aspect. Its streets were blocked up with snow—the few passengers seemed palsied, and frozen by the ungenial visitation of winter. To escape these evils was the aim and scope of all our exertions. Families late devoted to exalting and refined pursuits, rich, blooming, and young, with diminished numbers and care-fraught hearts, huddled over a fire, grown selfish and grovelling through suffering. Without the aid of servants, it was necessary to discharge all household duties; hands unused to such labour must knead the bread, or in the absence of flour, the statesmen or perfumed courtier must undertake the butcher’s office. Poor and rich were now equal, or rather the poor were the superior, since they entered on such tasks with alacrity and experience; while ignorance, inaptitude, and habits of repose, rendered them fatiguing to the luxurious, galling to the proud, disgustful to all whose minds, bent on intellectual improvement, held it their dearest privilege to be exempt from attending to mere animal wants.

Our small town of Windsor, where survivors from the neighboring counties had mostly gathered, looked pretty grim. The streets were covered in snow, and the few people out and about seemed weak and frozen from the harsh winter. Our main goal was to escape these hardships. Families once focused on elegant and refined pursuits—wealthy, vibrant, and young—now had fewer members and heavy hearts as they huddled around the fire, becoming selfish and small-minded due to their suffering. Without servants, we had to handle all household chores ourselves; hands not used to such work had to knead the bread, or in the absence of flour, politicians or well-groomed courtiers had to take on the butcher's role. The poor and rich were now on equal footing, or rather the poor had the advantage, as they approached these tasks with willingness and experience; meanwhile, ignorance, untalented hands, and comfort-driven habits made it challenging for the privileged, irritating for the proud, and off-putting for those who, focused on intellectual growth, considered it their greatest privilege to avoid dealing with basic needs.

But in every change goodness and affection can find field for exertion and display. Among some these changes produced a devotion and sacrifice of self at once graceful and heroic. It was a sight for the lovers of the human race to enjoy; to behold, as in ancient times, the patriarchal modes in which the variety of kindred and friendship fulfilled their duteous and kindly offices. Youths, nobles of the land, performed for the sake of mother or sister, the services of menials with amiable cheerfulness. They went to the river to break the ice, and draw water: they assembled on foraging expeditions, or axe in hand felled the trees for fuel. The females received them on their return with the simple and affectionate welcome known before only to the lowly cottage—a clean hearth and bright fire; the supper ready cooked by beloved hands; gratitude for the provision for to-morrow’s meal: strange enjoyments for the high-born English, yet they were now their sole, hard earned, and dearly prized luxuries.

But in every change, kindness and love can find opportunities for action and expression. Among some, these changes inspired a selfless devotion that was both graceful and heroic. It was a heartwarming sight for those who love humanity; to see, like in ancient times, the old-fashioned ways in which family and friends fulfilled their caring and supportive roles. Young men, the nobles of the land, gladly took on the duties of servants for their mothers or sisters. They went to the river to break the ice and fetch water; they gathered foraging parties, or, with axes in hand, chopped down trees for firewood. The women welcomed them back with the simple and loving reception previously known only to humble cottages—a clean hearth and a bright fire; a meal ready and cooked by caring hands; gratitude for the provisions for tomorrow’s dinner: strange pleasures for the high-born English, yet these were now their only, hard-earned, and dearly valued luxuries.

None was more conspicuous for this graceful submission to circumstances, noble humility, and ingenious fancy to adorn such acts with romantic colouring, than our own Clara. She saw my despondency, and the aching cares of Idris. Her perpetual study was to relieve us from labour and to spread ease and even elegance over our altered mode of life. We still had some attendants spared by disease, and warmly attached to us. But Clara was jealous of their services; she would be sole handmaid of Idris, sole minister to the wants of her little cousins; nothing gave her so much pleasure as our employing her in this way; she went beyond our desires, earnest, diligent, and unwearied,—

None was more noticeable for her graceful acceptance of circumstances, noble humility, and creative flair in adding romantic touches to her actions than our own Clara. She noticed my sadness and the burdens Idris carried. Her constant focus was to relieve us of hard work and to bring comfort and even elegance to our changed way of life. We still had some attendants left after the sickness, and they were devoted to us. But Clara preferred to handle everything herself; she wanted to be the sole caretaker for Idris and the only one to meet the needs of her little cousins. Nothing made her happier than being able to help us this way; she surpassed our expectations, being earnest, diligent, and tireless,—

Abra was ready ere we called her name,
And though we called another, Abra came.[17]

Abra was ready before we called her name,
And even though we called someone else, Abra came.[17]

It was my task each day to visit the various families assembled in our town, and when the weather permitted, I was glad to prolong my ride, and to muse in solitude over every changeful appearance of our destiny, endeavouring to gather lessons for the future from the experience of the past. The impatience with which, while in society, the ills that afflicted my species inspired me, were softened by loneliness, when individual suffering was merged in the general calamity, strange to say, less afflicting to contemplate. Thus often, pushing my way with difficulty through the narrow snow-blocked town, I crossed the bridge and passed through Eton. No youthful congregation of gallant-hearted boys thronged the portal of the college; sad silence pervaded the busy school-room and noisy playground. I extended my ride towards Salt Hill, on every side impeded by the snow. Were those the fertile fields I loved—was that the interchange of gentle upland and cultivated dale, once covered with waving corn, diversified by stately trees, watered by the meandering Thames? One sheet of white covered it, while bitter recollection told me that cold as the winter-clothed earth, were the hearts of the inhabitants. I met troops of horses, herds of cattle, flocks of sheep, wandering at will; here throwing down a hay-rick, and nestling from cold in its heart, which afforded them shelter and food—there having taken possession of a vacant cottage. Once on a frosty day, pushed on by restless unsatisfying reflections, I sought a favourite haunt, a little wood not far distant from Salt Hill. A bubbling spring prattles over stones on one side, and a plantation of a few elms and beeches, hardly deserve, and yet continue the name of wood. This spot had for me peculiar charms. It had been a favourite resort of Adrian; it was secluded; and he often said that in boyhood, his happiest hours were spent here; having escaped the stately bondage of his mother, he sat on the rough hewn steps that led to the spring, now reading a favourite book, now musing, with speculation beyond his years, on the still unravelled skein of morals or metaphysics. A melancholy foreboding assured me that I should never see this place more; so with careful thought, I noted each tree, every winding of the streamlet and irregularity of the soil, that I might better call up its idea in absence. A robin red-breast dropt from the frosty branches of the trees, upon the congealed rivulet; its panting breast and half-closed eyes shewed that it was dying: a hawk appeared in the air; sudden fear seized the little creature; it exerted its last strength, throwing itself on its back, raising its talons in impotent defence against its powerful enemy. I took it up and placed it in my breast. I fed it with a few crumbs from a biscuit; by degrees it revived; its warm fluttering heart beat against me; I cannot tell why I detail this trifling incident—but the scene is still before me; the snow-clad fields seen through the silvered trunks of the beeches,—the brook, in days of happiness alive with sparkling waters, now choked by ice—the leafless trees fantastically dressed in hoar frost—the shapes of summer leaves imaged by winter’s frozen hand on the hard ground—the dusky sky, drear cold, and unbroken silence—while close in my bosom, my feathered nursling lay warm, and safe, speaking its content with a light chirp— painful reflections thronged, stirring my brain with wild commotion—cold and death-like as the snowy fields was all earth—misery-stricken the life-tide of the inhabitants—why should I oppose the cataract of destruction that swept us away?—why string my nerves and renew my wearied efforts—ah, why? But that my firm courage and cheerful exertions might shelter the dear mate, whom I chose in the spring of my life; though the throbbings of my heart be replete with pain, though my hopes for the future are chill, still while your dear head, my gentlest love, can repose in peace on that heart, and while you derive from its fostering care, comfort, and hope, my struggles shall not cease,—I will not call myself altogether vanquished.

Each day, my duty was to visit the different families in our town, and when the weather was nice, I was happy to extend my ride and reflect in solitude on the ever-changing nature of our lives, trying to learn for the future from the past. The frustration I felt in social settings about the troubles facing my fellow humans faded when I was alone; in solitude, individual suffering became part of a broader tragedy, which somehow felt less painful to consider. Often, as I struggled through the narrow, snow-filled town, I crossed the bridge and went through Eton. There was no group of spirited boys gathered at the college gates; a sad silence filled the once-bustling classroom and playground. I continued my ride towards Salt Hill, hindered by snow on all sides. Was that the fertile land I cherished? Was that the mix of gentle hills and cultivated valleys, once dotted with waving corn, grand trees, and the winding Thames? Now, it was all covered in white, and bitter memories reminded me that, as cold as the winter landscape, so were the hearts of its people. I saw herds of horses, cattle, and flocks of sheep roaming freely; some were knocking over a haystack, seeking shelter and food from its warmth, while others had taken over an empty cottage. One frosty day, driven by restless thoughts, I made my way to a favorite spot, a little wood not far from Salt Hill. A bubbling spring trickled over stones on one side, and a few elms and beeches barely qualified as a wood. This place held special meaning for me. It was a beloved retreat of Adrian; it was isolated; he often said that some of his happiest moments were spent here during his boyhood. Escaping the formal restraints of his mother, he would sit on the rough-hewn steps leading to the spring, sometimes reading a cherished book, other times pondering weighty moral or philosophical questions far beyond his years. A gloomy premonition told me I would never see this place again, so I paid close attention to each tree, every twist of the stream, and the irregularities of the land, hoping to bring back its essence in my memory. A robin fell from the frosty branches onto the frozen stream; its heaving chest and partially closed eyes showed it was dying. A hawk appeared overhead; fear gripped the little bird, which summoned its last strength, rolling onto its back and raising its claws in a futile attempt to repel its powerful foe. I picked it up and tucked it in my coat. I fed it a few crumbs from a biscuit, and slowly, it revived; I felt its warm, fluttering heart against me. I can't quite explain why I remember this small event, but the scene is still vivid in my mind—the snow-covered fields seen through the silver trunks of the beeches—the brook, once lively with sparkling water during happier times, now frozen—the leafless trees whimsically adorned with frost—the shapes of summer leaves cast on the hard ground by winter’s frozen touch—the gloomy sky, bleak and eerily silent—while my little feathered companion nestled close, warm and safe, chirping softly in contentment. Painful thoughts crowded my mind, creating chaos—everything felt as cold and lifeless as the snowy fields—life for the residents was filled with misery—why should I fight against the tide of destruction sweeping us away?—why should I muster my strength and continue my relentless efforts—ah, why? Yet, for the sake of the beloved companion I chose in the springtime of my life—though my heart aches and my hopes for the future are bleak—as long as your precious head, my sweetest love, can rest peacefully on that heart, and you find comfort and hope in its nurturing embrace, my struggles will never end—I refuse to call myself completely defeated.

One fine February day, when the sun had reassumed some of its genial power, I walked in the forest with my family. It was one of those lovely winter-days which assert the capacity of nature to bestow beauty on barrenness. The leafless trees spread their fibrous branches against the pure sky; their intricate and pervious tracery resembled delicate sea-weed; the deer were turning up the snow in search of the hidden grass; the white was made intensely dazzling by the sun, and trunks of the trees, rendered more conspicuous by the loss of preponderating foliage, gathered around like the labyrinthine columns of a vast temple; it was impossible not to receive pleasure from the sight of these things. Our children, freed from the bondage of winter, bounded before us; pursuing the deer, or rousing the pheasants and partridges from their coverts. Idris leant on my arm; her sadness yielded to the present sense of pleasure. We met other families on the Long Walk, enjoying like ourselves the return of the genial season. At once, I seemed to awake; I cast off the clinging sloth of the past months; earth assumed a new appearance, and my view of the future was suddenly made clear. I exclaimed, “I have now found out the secret!”

One nice February day, when the sun had regained some of its warmth, I walked in the forest with my family. It was one of those beautiful winter days that show how nature can create beauty even in barrenness. The leafless trees stretched their bare branches against the clear sky; their intricate and open patterns looked like delicate seaweed; the deer were digging through the snow looking for hidden grass; the white was intensely bright in the sunlight, and the trunks of the trees, made more noticeable by the absence of lush leaves, stood like the winding columns of a huge temple; it was impossible not to feel joy from seeing all this. Our kids, free from the constraints of winter, ran ahead of us, chasing the deer or flushing out the pheasants and partridges from their hiding spots. Idris leaned on my arm; her sadness faded in the joy of the moment. We encountered other families on the Long Walk, also enjoying the return of the warm season. Suddenly, I felt fully awake; I shook off the sluggishness of the past months; the Earth looked different, and my outlook on the future became clear. I exclaimed, “I’ve just discovered the secret!”

“What secret?”

"What secret is that?"

In answer to this question, I described our gloomy winter-life, our sordid cares, our menial labours:—“This northern country,” I said, “is no place for our diminished race. When mankind were few, it was not here that they battled with the powerful agents of nature, and were enabled to cover the globe with offspring. We must seek some natural Paradise, some garden of the earth, where our simple wants may be easily supplied, and the enjoyment of a delicious climate compensate for the social pleasures we have lost. If we survive this coming summer, I will not spend the ensuing winter in England; neither I nor any of us.”

In response to this question, I talked about our bleak winter life, our harsh realities, and our hard work: “This northern country,” I said, “is not the right place for our dwindling population. When humanity was small in number, it wasn’t here that they fought against the strong forces of nature and managed to spread across the globe. We need to find a natural paradise, a garden on earth, where our basic needs can be easily met, and the enjoyment of a pleasant climate can make up for the social joys we've lost. If we make it through this upcoming summer, I won’t spend the following winter in England; neither will I nor any of us.”

I spoke without much heed, and the very conclusion of what I said brought with it other thoughts. Should we, any of us, survive the coming summer? I saw the brow of Idris clouded; I again felt, that we were enchained to the car of fate, over whose coursers we had no control. We could no longer say, This we will do, and this we will leave undone. A mightier power than the human was at hand to destroy our plans or to achieve the work we avoided. It were madness to calculate upon another winter. This was our last. The coming summer was the extreme end of our vista; and, when we arrived there, instead of a continuation of the long road, a gulph yawned, into which we must of force be precipitated. The last blessing of humanity was wrested from us; we might no longer hope. Can the madman, as he clanks his chains, hope? Can the wretch, led to the scaffold, who when he lays his head on the block, marks the double shadow of himself and the executioner, whose uplifted arm bears the axe, hope? Can the ship-wrecked mariner, who spent with swimming, hears close behind the splashing waters divided by a shark which pursues him through the Atlantic, hope? Such hope as theirs, we also may entertain!

I spoke without thinking much, and what I said triggered other thoughts. Will any of us survive the summer ahead? I noticed Idris looking troubled; I felt again that we were trapped in fate's grip, with no control over its course. We could no longer say, "This is what we will do," and "This is what we will leave undone." A greater power than humanity was ready to destroy our plans or force us to confront what we were trying to avoid. It would be madness to assume we would see another winter. This was our last chance. The upcoming summer was the end of our horizon; when we got there, instead of a continuation of the long road, a chasm would open, and we would be forced into it. The last comfort of being human had been taken from us; we could no longer hope. Can a madman, as he rattles his chains, still hope? Can a condemned person, as they lay their head on the block and see the looming shadow of themselves and the executioner with the raised axe, still hope? Can a shipwrecked sailor, exhausted from swimming, hear the splashing of water behind him that a shark is cutting through as it chases him in the Atlantic, still hope? The kind of hope they have, we might also feel!

Old fable tells us, that this gentle spirit sprung from the box of Pandora, else crammed with evils; but these were unseen and null, while all admired the inspiriting loveliness of young Hope; each man’s heart became her home; she was enthroned sovereign of our lives, here and here-after; she was deified and worshipped, declared incorruptible and everlasting. But like all other gifts of the Creator to Man, she is mortal; her life has attained its last hour. We have watched over her; nursed her flickering existence; now she has fallen at once from youth to decrepitude, from health to immedicinable disease; even as we spend ourselves in struggles for her recovery, she dies; to all nations the voice goes forth, Hope is dead! We are but mourners in the funeral train, and what immortal essence or perishable creation will refuse to make one in the sad procession that attends to its grave the dead comforter of humanity?

An old fable tells us that this gentle spirit came from Pandora's box, which was filled with evils; but those evils were hidden and insignificant, while everyone admired the inspiring beauty of young Hope. Each person’s heart became her home; she was crowned the queen of our lives, both now and in the afterlife; she was glorified and worshipped, considered uncorrupted and eternal. But like all other gifts from the Creator to humanity, she is mortal; her life has reached its end. We have watched over her and cared for her fading existence; now she has suddenly deteriorated from youth to old age, from health to an incurable illness; even as we exhaust ourselves trying to help her recover, she dies; the message rings out to all nations, Hope is dead! We are just mourners in the funeral procession, and what timeless essence or temporary being would refuse to join in the sorrowful march to the grave of the deceased comforter of humanity?

Does not the sun call in his light? and day
Like a thin exhalation melt away—
Both wrapping up their beams in clouds to be
Themselves close mourners at this obsequie.[18]

Doesn't the sun summon its light? And day
Like a faint vapor fade away—
Both wrapping their rays in clouds to be
Themselves quiet mourners at this funeral.[18]

[16] Wordsworth.

Wordsworth.

[17] Prior’s “Solomon.”

Prior’s "Solomon."

[18] Cleveland’s Poems.

Cleveland's Poems.

VOL. III.

CHAPTER I.

Hear you not the rushing sound of the coming tempest? Do you not behold the clouds open, and destruction lurid and dire pour down on the blasted earth? See you not the thunderbolt fall, and are deafened by the shout of heaven that follows its descent? Feel you not the earth quake and open with agonizing groans, while the air is pregnant with shrieks and wailings,— all announcing the last days of man? No! none of these things accompanied our fall! The balmy air of spring, breathed from nature’s ambrosial home, invested the lovely earth, which wakened as a young mother about to lead forth in pride her beauteous offspring to meet their sire who had been long absent. The buds decked the trees, the flowers adorned the land: the dark branches, swollen with seasonable juices, expanded into leaves, and the variegated foliage of spring, bending and singing in the breeze, rejoiced in the genial warmth of the unclouded empyrean: the brooks flowed murmuring, the sea was waveless, and the promontories that over-hung it were reflected in the placid waters; birds awoke in the woods, while abundant food for man and beast sprung up from the dark ground. Where was pain and evil? Not in the calm air or weltering ocean; not in the woods or fertile fields, nor among the birds that made the woods resonant with song, nor the animals that in the midst of plenty basked in the sunshine. Our enemy, like the Calamity of Homer, trod our hearts, and no sound was echoed from her steps—

Do you not hear the rushing sound of the approaching storm? Do you not see the clouds open up, pouring down destruction on the devastated earth? Can you not feel the thunderbolt strike, followed by the roar of the heavens? Do you not sense the ground shake and split with agonizing groans, while the air is filled with screams and wails—all signaling the end of humanity? No! None of these things accompanied our downfall! The gentle spring air, breathed from nature’s sweet home, enveloped the beautiful earth, which awoke like a proud young mother ready to present her lovely children to their long-absent father. The buds decorated the trees, the flowers adorned the land: the dark branches, swollen with seasonal juices, burst into leaves, and the colorful foliage of spring, bending and swaying in the breeze, rejoiced in the warm embrace of the clear sky: the streams flowed softly, the sea was calm, and the cliffs above it were mirrored in the still waters; birds stirred in the woods, while plentiful food for both humans and animals sprouted from the rich soil. Where was pain and evil? Not in the serene air or turbulent ocean; neither in the forests nor the fertile fields, nor among the birds that filled the woods with song, nor the animals that basked in the sunshine amidst abundance. Our enemy, like the Calamity of Homer, stomped on our hearts, and no sound echoed from her steps—

With ills the land is rife, with ills the sea,
Diseases haunt our frail humanity,
Through noon, through night, on casual wing they glide,
Silent,—a voice the power all-wise denied.[19]

The land is filled with troubles, the sea is troubled too,
Diseases plague our fragile humanity,
They float around us from noon to night,
Silent,—a voice that all-wise power kept from us.[19]

Once man was a favourite of the Creator, as the royal psalmist sang, “God had made him a little lower than the angels, and had crowned him with glory and honour. God made him to have dominion over the works of his hands, and put all things under his feet.” Once it was so; now is man lord of the creation? Look at him—ha! I see plague! She has invested his form, is incarnate in his flesh, has entwined herself with his being, and blinds his heaven-seeking eyes. Lie down, O man, on the flower-strown earth; give up all claim to your inheritance, all you can ever possess of it is the small cell which the dead require. Plague is the companion of spring, of sunshine, and plenty. We no longer struggle with her. We have forgotten what we did when she was not. Of old navies used to stem the giant ocean-waves betwixt Indus and the Pole for slight articles of luxury. Men made perilous journies to possess themselves of earth’s splendid trifles, gems and gold. Human labour was wasted—human life set at nought. Now life is all that we covet; that this automaton of flesh should, with joints and springs in order, perform its functions, that this dwelling of the soul should be capable of containing its dweller. Our minds, late spread abroad through countless spheres and endless combinations of thought, now retrenched themselves behind this wall of flesh, eager to preserve its well-being only. We were surely sufficiently degraded.

Once, humans were favorites of the Creator, as the royal psalmist sang, “God made them a little lower than the angels and crowned them with glory and honor. God gave them dominion over the works of His hands and put all things under their feet.” That used to be the case; is humanity still the master of creation? Look at them—ha! I see plague! It has taken over their form, is embodied in their flesh, has intertwined with their being, and blinds their heaven-seeking eyes. Lie down, O human, on the flower-strewn earth; give up all claim to your inheritance; all you can ever truly possess of it is the small cell that the dead require. Plague accompanies spring, sunshine, and abundance. We no longer fight against her. We've forgotten what we did when she wasn't around. In the past, navies used to brave the giant ocean waves between the Indus and the Pole for minor luxury items. People made dangerous journeys to acquire earth’s splendid trifles, like gems and gold. Human labor was wasted—human life was disregarded. Now, life is all we desire; that this automaton of flesh should, with joints and springs in order, perform its functions, that this dwelling of the soul should be capable of containing its inhabitant. Our minds, once spread across countless spheres and endless combinations of thought, now retreat behind this wall of flesh, eager to preserve its well-being only. We have surely reached a new level of degradation.

At first the increase of sickness in spring brought increase of toil to such of us, who, as yet spared to life, bestowed our time and thoughts on our fellow creatures. We nerved ourselves to the task: “in the midst of despair we performed the tasks of hope.” We went out with the resolution of disputing with our foe. We aided the sick, and comforted the sorrowing; turning from the multitudinous dead to the rare survivors, with an energy of desire that bore the resemblance of power, we bade them—live. Plague sat paramount the while, and laughed us to scorn.

At first, the rise in illness during spring meant more work for those of us who were still alive and dedicated our time and energy to helping others. We steeled ourselves for the challenge: “In the midst of despair, we did the work of hope.” We boldly faced our enemy. We helped the sick and comforted the grieving; turning away from the countless dead to the few survivors, with a strong desire that felt like power, we urged them—live. The plague, meanwhile, looked down on us and mocked our efforts.

Have any of you, my readers, observed the ruins of an anthill immediately after its destruction? At first it appears entirely deserted of its former inhabitants; in a little time you see an ant struggling through the upturned mould; they reappear by twos and threes, running hither and thither in search of their lost companions. Such were we upon earth, wondering aghast at the effects of pestilence. Our empty habitations remained, but the dwellers were gathered to the shades of the tomb.

Have any of you, my readers, seen the wreck of an anthill right after it’s been destroyed? At first, it looks completely empty of its former residents; soon enough, you spot an ant struggling through the overturned dirt; they start coming back in pairs and small groups, scurrying around looking for their lost friends. That’s how we were on earth, shocked and confused by the effects of disease. Our vacant homes were still there, but the inhabitants had been taken to the dark shadows of the grave.

As the rules of order and pressure of laws were lost, some began with hesitation and wonder to transgress the accustomed uses of society. Palaces were deserted, and the poor man dared at length, unreproved, intrude into the splendid apartments, whose very furniture and decorations were an unknown world to him. It was found, that, though at first the stop put to all circulation of property, had reduced those before supported by the factitious wants of society to sudden and hideous poverty, yet when the boundaries of private possession were thrown down, the products of human labour at present existing were more, far more, than the thinned generation could possibly consume. To some among the poor this was matter of exultation. We were all equal now; magnificent dwellings, luxurious carpets, and beds of down, were afforded to all. Carriages and horses, gardens, pictures, statues, and princely libraries, there were enough of these even to superfluity; and there was nothing to prevent each from assuming possession of his share. We were all equal now; but near at hand was an equality still more levelling, a state where beauty and strength, and wisdom, would be as vain as riches and birth. The grave yawned beneath us all, and its prospect prevented any of us from enjoying the ease and plenty which in so awful a manner was presented to us.

As the rules and pressures of law faded away, some began to question and break the usual social norms. Mansions were left empty, and the poor man finally dared to enter the lavish rooms, which were like a different world to him. It turned out that, although the halt in property circulation had thrown those once supported by society's artificial needs into sudden and brutal poverty, when personal ownership boundaries were removed, the goods produced by human labor far exceeded what the diminished population could use. For some of the poor, this was a cause for celebration. We were all equal now; magnificent homes, luxurious carpets, and plush beds were available to everyone. There were enough carriages and horses, gardens, paintings, sculptures, and grand libraries to go around, and nothing stopped anyone from claiming their share. We were all equal now, but even closer was an equality that was even more leveling, a state where beauty, strength, and wisdom would be as useless as wealth and noble birth. The grave opened its mouth beneath us all, and the thought of it kept any of us from enjoying the comfort and abundance that was horrifyingly presented to us.

Still the bloom did not fade on the cheeks of my babes; and Clara sprung up in years and growth, unsullied by disease. We had no reason to think the site of Windsor Castle peculiarly healthy, for many other families had expired beneath its roof; we lived therefore without any particular precaution; but we lived, it seemed, in safety. If Idris became thin and pale, it was anxiety that occasioned the change; an anxiety I could in no way alleviate. She never complained, but sleep and appetite fled from her, a slow fever preyed on her veins, her colour was hectic, and she often wept in secret; gloomy prognostications, care, and agonizing dread, ate up the principle of life within her. I could not fail to perceive this change. I often wished that I had permitted her to take her own course, and engage herself in such labours for the welfare of others as might have distracted her thoughts. But it was too late now. Besides that, with the nearly extinct race of man, all our toils grew near a conclusion, she was too weak; consumption, if so it might be called, or rather the over active life within her, which, as with Adrian, spent the vital oil in the early morning hours, deprived her limbs of strength. At night, when she could leave me unperceived, she wandered through the house, or hung over the couches of her children; and in the day time would sink into a perturbed sleep, while her murmurs and starts betrayed the unquiet dreams that vexed her. As this state of wretchedness became more confirmed, and, in spite of her endeavours at concealment more apparent, I strove, though vainly, to awaken in her courage and hope. I could not wonder at the vehemence of her care; her very soul was tenderness; she trusted indeed that she should not outlive me if I became the prey of the vast calamity, and this thought sometimes relieved her. We had for many years trod the highway of life hand in hand, and still thus linked, we might step within the shades of death; but her children, her lovely, playful, animated children—beings sprung from her own dear side—portions of her own being—depositories of our loves—even if we died, it would be comfort to know that they ran man’s accustomed course. But it would not be so; young and blooming as they were, they would die, and from the hopes of maturity, from the proud name of attained manhood, they were cut off for ever. Often with maternal affection she had figured their merits and talents exerted on life’s wide stage. Alas for these latter days! The world had grown old, and all its inmates partook of the decrepitude. Why talk of infancy, manhood, and old age? We all stood equal sharers of the last throes of time-worn nature. Arrived at the same point of the world’s age—there was no difference in us; the name of parent and child had lost their meaning; young boys and girls were level now with men. This was all true; but it was not less agonizing to take the admonition home.

Still, the blush didn't fade from my kids' cheeks; Clara grew up healthy and strong, untouched by illness. We had no reason to believe that living near Windsor Castle was particularly safe, since many families had perished under its roof. So, we went about our lives without taking special precautions, but it felt as if we were safe. If Idris got thin and pale, it was due to worry, a worry I couldn't ease. She never complained, but sleep and appetite abandoned her, a slow fever drained her strength, her complexion was flushed, and she often cried in secret; dark thoughts, stress, and agonizing fear consumed her very essence. I couldn’t ignore this change. I often wished I had let her follow her own path and engage in activities that could distract her mind. But it was too late now. Plus, with humanity nearly extinguished, all our efforts were nearing an end; she was too fragile. Whether it was consumption, as it could be called, or just her overly active spirit, which, like Adrian, burned through her vital energy in the early hours, took away her strength. At night, when she thought I wouldn't notice, she roamed the house or hovered over her children’s beds; during the day, she would sink into a troubled sleep, her murmurs and twitches revealing the restless dreams that tormented her. As her state of misery deepened, and despite her attempts to hide it became more obvious, I tried, though uselessly, to inspire her with courage and hope. I couldn’t fault her intense concern; her very being was filled with tenderness. She truly believed she wouldn’t survive if I fell victim to the great disaster, and sometimes this thought gave her a bit of comfort. We had walked through life side by side for many years, and still linked in this way, we might step into the shadows of death together; but her children, her beautiful, playful, vibrant kids—beings born from her own body—pieces of her essence—our shared joy—even if we died, it would comfort us to know they would live the usual life. But it wouldn’t be that way; as young and vibrant as they were, they would die, cut off forever from the hopes of growing up, from the proud title of adulthood. Often, with a mother's love, she had envisioned their talents shining on life's big stage. Alas for these later days! The world had grown old, and all its inhabitants shared in its decay. Why talk about infancy, adulthood, and old age? We all stood equally sharing in the final gasps of a weary nature. Arrived at the same point in the world’s age—there was no difference among us; the terms parent and child had lost their meaning; young boys and girls were now on par with men. This was all true; but it was no less agonizing to accept the harsh reality.

Where could we turn, and not find a desolation pregnant with the dire lesson of example? The fields had been left uncultivated, weeds and gaudy flowers sprung up,—or where a few wheat-fields shewed signs of the living hopes of the husbandman, the work had been left halfway, the ploughman had died beside the plough; the horses had deserted the furrow, and no seedsman had approached the dead; the cattle unattended wandered over the fields and through the lanes; the tame inhabitants of the poultry yard, baulked of their daily food, had become wild—young lambs were dropt in flower-gardens, and the cow stalled in the hall of pleasure. Sickly and few, the country people neither went out to sow nor reap; but sauntered about the meadows, or lay under the hedges, when the inclement sky did not drive them to take shelter under the nearest roof. Many of those who remained, secluded themselves; some had laid up stores which should prevent the necessity of leaving their homes;—some deserted wife and child, and imagined that they secured their safety in utter solitude. Such had been Ryland’s plan, and he was discovered dead and half-devoured by insects, in a house many miles from any other, with piles of food laid up in useless superfluity. Others made long journies to unite themselves to those they loved, and arrived to find them dead.

Where could we go and not find a wasteland filled with the harsh lessons of what has happened? The fields were left untended, weeds and bright flowers took over — or where a few wheat fields showed signs of life, the work was left unfinished, the plowman died at his plow; the horses abandoned the furrow, and no one came to plant seeds where the dead lay; the cattle roamed aimlessly over the fields and through the paths; the domesticated birds in the yard, deprived of their daily food, had become wild — young lambs were born in flower gardens, and the cow was kept in the hall of enjoyment. Weak and few, the local people neither went out to plant nor harvest; instead, they wandered around the meadows or rested under the hedges, unless the bad weather forced them to seek shelter under the nearest roof. Many of those who stayed isolated themselves; some had stored up supplies so they wouldn't need to leave their homes; — some abandoned their spouses and children, thinking they could ensure their safety in complete solitude. That was Ryland’s approach, and he was found dead and half-eaten by bugs, in a house many miles away from anywhere else, with piles of food hoarded to excess. Others made long journeys to be with their loved ones, only to arrive and find them dead.

London did not contain above a thousand inhabitants; and this number was continually diminishing. Most of them were country people, come up for the sake of change; the Londoners had sought the country. The busy eastern part of the town was silent, or at most you saw only where, half from cupidity, half from curiosity, the warehouses had been more ransacked than pillaged: bales of rich India goods, shawls of price, jewels, and spices, unpacked, strewed the floors. In some places the possessor had to the last kept watch on his store, and died before the barred gates. The massy portals of the churches swung creaking on their hinges; and some few lay dead on the pavement. The wretched female, loveless victim of vulgar brutality, had wandered to the toilet of high-born beauty, and, arraying herself in the garb of splendour, had died before the mirror which reflected to herself alone her altered appearance. Women whose delicate feet had seldom touched the earth in their luxury, had fled in fright and horror from their homes, till, losing themselves in the squalid streets of the metropolis, they had died on the threshold of poverty. The heart sickened at the variety of misery presented; and, when I saw a specimen of this gloomy change, my soul ached with the fear of what might befall my beloved Idris and my babes. Were they, surviving Adrian and myself, to find themselves protectorless in the world? As yet the mind alone had suffered—could I for ever put off the time, when the delicate frame and shrinking nerves of my child of prosperity, the nursling of rank and wealth, who was my companion, should be invaded by famine, hardship, and disease? Better die at once—better plunge a poinard in her bosom, still untouched by drear adversity, and then again sheathe it in my own! But, no; in times of misery we must fight against our destinies, and strive not to be overcome by them. I would not yield, but to the last gasp resolutely defended my dear ones against sorrow and pain; and if I were vanquished at last, it should not be ingloriously. I stood in the gap, resisting the enemy—the impalpable, invisible foe, who had so long besieged us—as yet he had made no breach: it must be my care that he should not, secretly undermining, burst up within the very threshold of the temple of love, at whose altar I daily sacrificed. The hunger of Death was now stung more sharply by the diminution of his food: or was it that before, the survivors being many, the dead were less eagerly counted? Now each life was a gem, each human breathing form of far, O! far more worth than subtlest imagery of sculptured stone; and the daily, nay, hourly decrease visible in our numbers, visited the heart with sickening misery. This summer extinguished our hopes, the vessel of society was wrecked, and the shattered raft, which carried the few survivors over the sea of misery, was riven and tempest tost. Man existed by twos and threes; man, the individual who might sleep, and wake, and perform the animal functions; but man, in himself weak, yet more powerful in congregated numbers than wind or ocean; man, the queller of the elements, the lord of created nature, the peer of demi-gods, existed no longer.

London had no more than a thousand residents, and that number kept shrinking. Most were country folks visiting for a change of scenery; the Londoners had fled to the countryside. The bustling eastern part of the city was eerily quiet, with only remnants of warehouses being picked clean rather than looted: piles of valuable goods from India, expensive shawls, jewels, and spices lay scattered across the floors. In some places, the store owners had kept vigil over their stock until their last breath, dying before the locked gates. The heavy church doors creaked open, and a few bodies lay on the pavement. The unfortunate woman, a victim of cruel brutality, had stumbled into the dressing room of noble beauty, dressing in extravagant clothes, only to die before a mirror reflecting her changed appearance. Women, whose delicate feet rarely touched the ground in luxury, ran in fear from their homes, only to perish at the edge of the filthy streets of the city. It broke my heart to witness such a range of suffering; every time I encountered this grim reality, I feared for my dear Idris and my children. If Adrian and I were to survive, would they be left defenseless in the world? Until now, only my mind had suffered—could I keep delaying the inevitable day when my delicate, pampered child would face hunger, hardship, and illness? It would be easier to end it all at once—better to plunge a dagger into her heart, still untouched by harsh realities, and then drive it into my own! But no; in times of hardship, we must resist our fates and strive against being defeated. I would not give in; I would fiercely protect my loved ones from sorrow and pain until my last breath. If I were to be defeated, it would not be without a fight. I stood firm against the invisible enemy that had long besieged us with no visible breach yet; it was my duty to ensure that he wouldn’t undermine the very threshold of the sanctuary of love where I sacrificed daily. Death’s hunger was intensified by the dwindling number of victims: or was it that when there were many survivors, the dead were less eagerly counted? Each life now felt like a precious gem, each breathing human form, oh so much more valuable than the finest sculpted stone; and the daily, even hourly, decline in our numbers filled my heart with despair. This summer shattered our hopes; society’s structure crumbled, and the fragmented raft carrying the few survivors across the sea of suffering was tossed and torn. Humans existed in pairs and threes; individuals who could sleep, wake, and fulfill basic needs; but man, in his fragility, while more powerful collectively than wind or sea, the conqueror of nature and equal to demi-gods, no longer existed.

Farewell to the patriotic scene, to the love of liberty and well earned meed of virtuous aspiration!—farewell to crowded senate, vocal with the councils of the wise, whose laws were keener than the sword blade tempered at Damascus!—farewell to kingly pomp and warlike pageantry; the crowns are in the dust, and the wearers are in their graves!—farewell to the desire of rule, and the hope of victory; to high vaulting ambition, to the appetite for praise, and the craving for the suffrage of their fellows! The nations are no longer! No senate sits in council for the dead; no scion of a time honoured dynasty pants to rule over the inhabitants of a charnel house; the general’s hand is cold, and the soldier has his untimely grave dug in his native fields, unhonoured, though in youth. The market-place is empty, the candidate for popular favour finds none whom he can represent. To chambers of painted state farewell!—To midnight revelry, and the panting emulation of beauty, to costly dress and birth-day shew, to title and the gilded coronet, farewell!

Goodbye to the patriotic scene, to the love of freedom and the well-deserved rewards of noble aspirations!—goodbye to the crowded senate, alive with the wisdom of those whose laws were sharper than the finest Damascus steel!—goodbye to royal splendor and military displays; the crowns lie in the dust, and their bearers are in their graves!—goodbye to the desire for power, and the hope of victory; to soaring ambition, the hunger for recognition, and the need for approval from others! The nations are gone! No senate gathers for the dead; no descendant of a long-respected dynasty longs to rule over the remains of the dead; the general’s hand is cold, and the soldier has his early grave dug in his homeland, unhonored, even in youth. The marketplace is deserted, and the candidate for public favor finds no one to represent. Goodbye to grand halls of state!—To midnight celebrations, and the frantic competition of beauty, to expensive clothes and birthday displays, to titles and the shiny coronet, goodbye!

Farewell to the giant powers of man,—to knowledge that could pilot the deep-drawing bark through the opposing waters of shoreless ocean,—to science that directed the silken balloon through the pathless air,—to the power that could put a barrier to mighty waters, and set in motion wheels, and beams, and vast machinery, that could divide rocks of granite or marble, and make the mountains plain!

Farewell to the immense abilities of mankind— to the knowledge that could navigate the deep-drawing ship through the endless waters of the ocean— to the science that guided the elegant balloon through the open skies— to the power that could hold back raging waters and set in motion wheels, beams, and massive machines that could split granite or marble and flatten mountains!

Farewell to the arts,—to eloquence, which is to the human mind as the winds to the sea, stirring, and then allaying it;—farewell to poetry and deep philosophy, for man’s imagination is cold, and his enquiring mind can no longer expatiate on the wonders of life, for “there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave, whither thou goest!”—to the graceful building, which in its perfect proportion transcended the rude forms of nature, the fretted gothic and massy saracenic pile, to the stupendous arch and glorious dome, the fluted column with its capital, Corinthian, Ionic, or Doric, the peristyle and fair entablature, whose harmony of form is to the eye as musical concord to the ear!—farewell to sculpture, where the pure marble mocks human flesh, and in the plastic expression of the culled excellencies of the human shape, shines forth the god!—farewell to painting, the high wrought sentiment and deep knowledge of the artists’s mind in pictured canvas—to paradisaical scenes, where trees are ever vernal, and the ambrosial air rests in perpetual glow:—to the stamped form of tempest, and wildest uproar of universal nature encaged in the narrow frame, O farewell! Farewell to music, and the sound of song; to the marriage of instruments, where the concord of soft and harsh unites in sweet harmony, and gives wings to the panting listeners, whereby to climb heaven, and learn the hidden pleasures of the eternals!—Farewell to the well-trod stage; a truer tragedy is enacted on the world’s ample scene, that puts to shame mimic grief: to high-bred comedy, and the low buffoon, farewell!—Man may laugh no more. Alas! to enumerate the adornments of humanity, shews, by what we have lost, how supremely great man was. It is all over now. He is solitary; like our first parents expelled from Paradise, he looks back towards the scene he has quitted. The high walls of the tomb, and the flaming sword of plague, lie between it and him. Like to our first parents, the whole earth is before him, a wide desart. Unsupported and weak, let him wander through fields where the unreaped corn stands in barren plenty, through copses planted by his fathers, through towns built for his use. Posterity is no more; fame, and ambition, and love, are words void of meaning; even as the cattle that grazes in the field, do thou, O deserted one, lie down at evening-tide, unknowing of the past, careless of the future, for from such fond ignorance alone canst thou hope for ease!

Goodbye to the arts—goodbye to eloquence, which stirs the human mind like winds stir the sea, rousing and then calming it; goodbye to poetry and deep philosophy, for man's imagination has grown dull, and his curious mind can no longer explore the wonders of life, because “there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom in the grave, where you’re going!”—to the beautiful buildings that, in their perfect proportions, surpassed the crude forms of nature, the intricate gothic and massive Saracenic structures, to the magnificent arch and glorious dome, the fluted column with its capital, whether Corinthian, Ionic, or Doric, the peristyle and elegant entablature, whose harmony of form delights the eye just as musical harmony delights the ear!—goodbye to sculpture, where pure marble mimics human flesh, and in its crafted depiction of the finest features of the human form, the divine shines through!—goodbye to painting, where the rich emotions and deep insights of the artist come alive on canvas—goodbye to idyllic scenes, where trees remain eternally lush, and the fragrant air glows with everlasting warmth:—to the violent storms and wild uproar of nature captured within a narrow frame, oh farewell! Goodbye to music and the sound of song; to the blending of instruments, where soft and harsh sounds unite in sweet harmony, lifting the listeners' spirits, allowing them to soar to heaven and discover the hidden joys of the eternal!—Goodbye to the well-trodden stage; a truer tragedy plays out on the vast world's stage, which mocks the feigned sorrow of actors: to high-class comedy and lowly jesters, farewell!—Man can laugh no more. Alas! To list the gifts of humanity shows, by what we have lost, just how incredibly great man was. It’s all over now. He is alone; like our first parents cast out of Paradise, he looks back at the place he has left behind. The high walls of the tomb and the flaming sword of disease stand between him and it. Like our first parents, the entire world lies before him, a vast desert. Unsupported and weak, let him wander through fields where unharvested crops stand in barren abundance, through groves planted by his ancestors, through towns built for his needs. There is no future generation; fame, ambition, and love are just empty words; even as the cattle grazing in the field, do you, oh deserted one, lie down at sunset, unaware of the past, indifferent to the future, for it is only in such blissful ignorance that you can hope for peace!

Joy paints with its own colours every act and thought. The happy do not feel poverty—for delight is as a gold-tissued robe, and crowns them with priceless gems. Enjoyment plays the cook to their homely fare, and mingles intoxication with their simple drink. Joy strews the hard couch with roses, and makes labour ease.

Joy colors every action and thought in its own way. Those who are happy do not experience poverty—because joy is like a robe woven with gold, adorning them with priceless jewels. Happiness turns their everyday meals into feasts and adds a touch of magic to their simple drinks. Joy spreads roses over a hard bed and makes work feel easier.

Sorrow doubles the burthen to the bent-down back; plants thorns in the unyielding pillow; mingles gall with water; adds saltness to their bitter bread; cloathing them in rags, and strewing ashes on their bare heads. To our irremediable distress every small and pelting inconvenience came with added force; we had strung our frames to endure the Atlean weight thrown on us; we sank beneath the added feather chance threw on us, “the grasshopper was a burthen.” Many of the survivors had been bred in luxury—their servants were gone, their powers of command vanished like unreal shadows: the poor even suffered various privations; and the idea of another winter like the last, brought affright to our minds. Was it not enough that we must die, but toil must be added?—must we prepare our funeral repast with labour, and with unseemly drudgery heap fuel on our deserted hearths —must we with servile hands fabricate the garments, soon to be our shroud?

Sorrow weighs down the already burdened back; it plants thorns in the unyielding pillow; mixes bitterness with water; adds saltiness to our already bitter bread; dresses us in rags, and scatters ashes on our bare heads. To our hopeless distress, every small and annoying inconvenience hit us harder; we had strained our bodies to withstand the heavy weight on us; we collapsed under the lightest burden chance threw our way, “the grasshopper was a burden.” Many of the survivors had grown up in luxury—now their servants were gone, and their power to command vanished like unreal shadows. The poor were suffering various hardships too; the thought of another winter like the last filled us with dread. Was it not enough that we had to die, but now we also had to toil?—must we prepare our funeral meal with labor, and with unseemly drudgery pile fuel on our abandoned hearths—must we with our own hands make the clothes that would soon become our shrouds?

Not so! We are presently to die, let us then enjoy to its full relish the remnant of our lives. Sordid care, avaunt! menial labours, and pains, slight in themselves, but too gigantic for our exhausted strength, shall make no part of our ephemeral existences. In the beginning of time, when, as now, man lived by families, and not by tribes or nations, they were placed in a genial clime, where earth fed them untilled, and the balmy air enwrapt their reposing limbs with warmth more pleasant than beds of down. The south is the native place of the human race; the land of fruits, more grateful to man than the hard-earned Ceres of the north,—of trees, whose boughs are as a palace-roof, of couches of roses, and of the thirst-appeasing grape. We need not there fear cold and hunger.

Not at all! We are meant to die soon, so let’s fully enjoy the rest of our lives. Go away, burdensome worries! The small tasks and pains, though minor, are too overwhelming for our tired souls, and they won’t be part of our short lives. In the beginning, when people, like now, lived in families instead of tribes or nations, they were placed in a warm climate, where the earth provided for them without needing to be cultivated, and the soothing air wrapped around their resting bodies with a comfort more enjoyable than feather beds. The south is where humanity originated; it’s a land of fruits that are more rewarding to people than the hard-earned grains of the north—of trees with branches that create a roof like a palace, of rose-laden couches, and of grapes that quench thirst. There, we need not fear cold or hunger.

Look at England! the grass shoots up high in the meadows; but they are dank and cold, unfit bed for us. Corn we have none, and the crude fruits cannot support us. We must seek firing in the bowels of the earth, or the unkind atmosphere will fill us with rheums and aches. The labour of hundreds of thousands alone could make this inclement nook fit habitation for one man. To the south then, to the sun!—where nature is kind, where Jove has showered forth the contents of Amalthea’s horn, and earth is garden.

Look at England! The grass grows tall in the meadows, but they are damp and cold, not a suitable place for us to rest. We have no grain, and the raw fruits can't sustain us. We need to find firewood from deep within the earth, or the harsh weather will leave us with colds and pains. It would take the work of hundreds of thousands just to make this harsh spot a livable place for one person. So, let’s head south, towards the sun!—where nature is generous, where the gods have poured out blessings, and the land is like a garden.

England, late birth-place of excellence and school of the wise, thy children are gone, thy glory faded! Thou, England, wert the triumph of man! Small favour was shewn thee by thy Creator, thou Isle of the North; a ragged canvas naturally, painted by man with alien colours; but the hues he gave are faded, never more to be renewed. So we must leave thee, thou marvel of the world; we must bid farewell to thy clouds, and cold, and scarcity for ever! Thy manly hearts are still; thy tale of power and liberty at its close! Bereft of man, O little isle! the ocean waves will buffet thee, and the raven flap his wings over thee; thy soil will be birth-place of weeds, thy sky will canopy barrenness. It was not for the rose of Persia thou wert famous, nor the banana of the east; not for the spicy gales of India, nor the sugar groves of America; not for thy vines nor thy double harvests, nor for thy vernal airs, nor solstitial sun—but for thy children, their unwearied industry and lofty aspiration. They are gone, and thou goest with them the oft trodden path that leads to oblivion, —

England, once a birthplace of excellence and a school of the wise, your children are gone, your glory has faded! You, England, were the triumph of mankind! Your Creator showed you little favor, you Isle of the North; a rough canvas that man painted with foreign colors; but the shades he added are now worn out, never to be restored. So we must leave you, you wonder of the world; we must say goodbye to your clouds, cold, and scarcity forever! Your strong hearts are still; your story of power and freedom has come to an end! Without man, oh little isle! the ocean waves will crash against you, and the raven will spread his wings over you; your soil will give birth to weeds, and your sky will be a cover of barrenness. You were not famous for the rose of Persia, nor the banana of the East; not for the spicy winds of India, nor the sugar plantations of America; not for your vineyards or bountiful harvests, nor for your spring breezes, nor the summer sun—but for your children, their tireless work and high aspirations. They are gone, and you will follow them down the well-trodden path that leads to oblivion, —

Farewell, sad Isle, farewell, thy fatal glory
Is summed, cast up, and cancelled in this story.[20]

Farewell, sorrowful Isle, goodbye, your doomed glory
Is wrapped up, added up, and erased in this tale.[20]

[19] Elton’s translation of Hesiod.

Elton's translation of Hesiod.

[20] Cleveland’s Poems.

Cleveland's Poems.

CHAPTER II.

In the autumn of this year 2096, the spirit of emigration crept in among the few survivors, who, congregating from various parts of England, met in London. This spirit existed as a breath, a wish, a far off thought, until communicated to Adrian, who imbibed it with ardour, and instantly engaged himself in plans for its execution. The fear of immediate death vanished with the heats of September. Another winter was before us, and we might elect our mode of passing it to the best advantage. Perhaps in rational philosophy none could be better chosen than this scheme of migration, which would draw us from the immediate scene of our woe, and, leading us through pleasant and picturesque countries, amuse for a time our despair. The idea once broached, all were impatient to put it in execution.

In the autumn of 2096, the idea of emigration began to take hold among the few survivors who gathered from different parts of England in London. This idea started as a faint wish, a distant thought, until Adrian embraced it with enthusiasm and immediately began making plans to make it happen. The fear of imminent death faded with the warmth of September. Another winter was ahead of us, and we could choose how to spend it to our advantage. Perhaps, in rational thinking, none could be better than this plan to migrate, which would take us away from the direct source of our suffering and, as we traveled through beautiful and scenic areas, provide a temporary distraction from our despair. Once the idea was suggested, everyone was eager to make it happen.

We were still at Windsor; our renewed hopes medicined the anguish we had suffered from the late tragedies. The death of many of our inmates had weaned us from the fond idea, that Windsor Castle was a spot sacred from the plague; but our lease of life was renewed for some months, and even Idris lifted her head, as a lily after a storm, when a last sunbeam tinges its silver cup. Just at this time Adrian came down to us; his eager looks shewed us that he was full of some scheme. He hastened to take me aside, and disclosed to me with rapidity his plan of emigration from England.

We were still at Windsor; our renewed hopes eased the pain we had felt from the recent tragedies. The deaths of many of our companions had made us give up the comforting belief that Windsor Castle was safe from the plague; but our lives had been extended for a few more months, and even Idris lifted her head, like a lily after a storm, when the last sunbeam touches its silver cup. Just at this time, Adrian came down to us; his excited expression showed that he was full of some plan. He quickly pulled me aside and rapidly revealed his plan to emigrate from England.

To leave England for ever! to turn from its polluted fields and groves, and, placing the sea between us, to quit it, as a sailor quits the rock on which he has been wrecked, when the saving ship rides by. Such was his plan.

To leave England forever! To turn away from its polluted fields and groves, and, putting the sea between us, to leave it behind, just like a sailor abandons the rock he was shipwrecked on when a rescue ship sails by. That was his plan.

To leave the country of our fathers, made holy by their graves!—We could not feel even as a voluntary exile of old, who might for pleasure or convenience forsake his native soil; though thousands of miles might divide him, England was still a part of him, as he of her. He heard of the passing events of the day; he knew that, if he returned, and resumed his place in society, the entrance was still open, and it required but the will, to surround himself at once with the associations and habits of boyhood. Not so with us, the remnant. We left none to represent us, none to repeople the desart land, and the name of England died, when we left her,

To leave the country of our ancestors, made sacred by their graves!—We couldn't feel like an old voluntary exile who might leave his homeland for pleasure or convenience; even if he were thousands of miles away, England was still a part of him, just as he was a part of her. He kept up with the current events; he knew that if he returned and reentered society, the door was still open, and all it would take was his desire to surround himself again with the memories and routines of his youth. But that’s not the case for us, the few who remain. We left no one to represent us, no one to repopulate the barren land, and the name of England faded away when we departed from her.

In vagabond pursuit of dreadful safety.

In a wandering quest for terrible safety.

Yet let us go! England is in her shroud,—we may not enchain ourselves to a corpse. Let us go—the world is our country now, and we will choose for our residence its most fertile spot. Shall we, in these desart halls, under this wintry sky, sit with closed eyes and folded hands, expecting death? Let us rather go out to meet it gallantly: or perhaps—for all this pendulous orb, this fair gem in the sky’s diadem, is not surely plague-striken—perhaps, in some secluded nook, amidst eternal spring, and waving trees, and purling streams, we may find Life. The world is vast, and England, though her many fields and wide spread woods seem interminable, is but a small part of her. At the close of a day’s march over high mountains and through snowy vallies, we may come upon health, and committing our loved ones to its charge, replant the uprooted tree of humanity, and send to late posterity the tale of the ante-pestilential race, the heroes and sages of the lost state of things.

Yet let’s go! England is in her grave—we can’t chain ourselves to a corpse. Let’s leave—the world is our home now, and we’ll pick the most fertile place to live. Should we really sit here in these empty halls, under this cold sky, with our eyes closed and hands folded, waiting for death? Let’s instead go out to face it bravely: or maybe—this beautiful planet, this gem in the sky’s crown, isn’t necessarily plagued—maybe, in some quiet corner, amidst everlasting spring, swaying trees, and bubbling streams, we can find Life. The world is huge, and England, despite her vast fields and extensive woods seeming endless, is just a tiny piece of it. At the end of a day’s journey over tall mountains and through snowy valleys, we might discover health, and by entrusting our loved ones to its care, replant the uprooted tree of humanity, sending the story of the pre-plague people, the heroes and thinkers of a lost era, to future generations.

Hope beckons and sorrow urges us, the heart beats high with expectation, and this eager desire of change must be an omen of success. O come! Farewell to the dead! farewell to the tombs of those we loved!—farewell to giant London and the placid Thames, to river and mountain or fair district, birth-place of the wise and good, to Windsor Forest and its antique castle, farewell! themes for story alone are they,—we must live elsewhere.

Hope calls us, and sorrow pushes us onward. Our hearts race with anticipation, and this strong desire for change must mean success is coming. Oh, come! Goodbye to the dead! Goodbye to the graves of those we cherished!—goodbye to big London and the calm Thames, to rivers and mountains, or fair regions, the birthplace of the wise and good, to Windsor Forest and its ancient castle, goodbye! They are just themes for stories now—we have to live somewhere else.

Such were in part the arguments of Adrian, uttered with enthusiasm and unanswerable rapidity. Something more was in his heart, to which he dared not give words. He felt that the end of time was come; he knew that one by one we should dwindle into nothingness. It was not adviseable to wait this sad consummation in our native country; but travelling would give us our object for each day, that would distract our thoughts from the swift-approaching end of things. If we went to Italy, to sacred and eternal Rome, we might with greater patience submit to the decree, which had laid her mighty towers low. We might lose our selfish grief in the sublime aspect of its desolation. All this was in the mind of Adrian; but he thought of my children, and, instead of communicating to me these resources of despair, he called up the image of health and life to be found, where we knew not—when we knew not; but if never to be found, for ever and for ever to be sought. He won me over to his party, heart and soul.

These were some of the arguments Adrian made, filled with enthusiasm and quick, convincing energy. However, there was something deeper in his heart that he couldn't bring himself to express. He sensed that the end of time was near; he understood that we would gradually fade into nothingness. It wasn't wise to wait for this grim conclusion in our homeland; traveling would give us daily purpose and distract us from the looming end. If we went to Italy, to the sacred and eternal Rome, we might better endure the decree that had brought its grand structures down. We could lose our selfish sorrow in the majestic sight of its ruins. All of this was in Adrian's mind, but he thought of my children and instead of sharing these despairing thoughts with me, he conjured the idea of health and life that could be found—somewhere, at some time—if it were ever to be discovered, forever and ever to be sought. He genuinely convinced me to join his cause, heart and soul.

It devolved on me to disclose our plan to Idris. The images of health and hope which I presented to her, made her with a smile consent. With a smile she agreed to leave her country, from which she had never before been absent, and the spot she had inhabited from infancy; the forest and its mighty trees, the woodland paths and green recesses, where she had played in childhood, and had lived so happily through youth; she would leave them without regret, for she hoped to purchase thus the lives of her children. They were her life; dearer than a spot consecrated to love, dearer than all else the earth contained. The boys heard with childish glee of our removal: Clara asked if we were to go to Athens. “It is possible,” I replied; and her countenance became radiant with pleasure. There she would behold the tomb of her parents, and the territory filled with recollections of her father’s glory. In silence, but without respite, she had brooded over these scenes. It was the recollection of them that had turned her infant gaiety to seriousness, and had impressed her with high and restless thoughts.

It fell on me to share our plan with Idris. The images of health and hope I painted for her made her smile and agree. With a smile, she decided to leave her country, from which she had never been away, and the place she had lived in since childhood; the forest and its towering trees, the woodland paths and green hideaways where she had played as a child and had been so happy in her youth; she would leave them without regret, as she hoped this would save her children's lives. They were her everything; more precious than a place filled with love, more valuable than anything else on earth. The boys heard about our move with childlike excitement: Clara asked if we were going to Athens. “It’s possible,” I replied, and her face lit up with joy. There, she would see her parents' tomb and the land filled with memories of her father's glory. In silence, but without pause, she had thought about these memories. It was these thoughts that changed her youthful joy into seriousness and filled her with lofty and restless ambitions.

There were many dear friends whom we must not leave behind, humble though they were. There was the spirited and obedient steed which Lord Raymond had given his daughter; there was Alfred’s dog and a pet eagle, whose sight was dimmed through age. But this catalogue of favourites to be taken with us, could not be made without grief to think of our heavy losses, and a deep sigh for the many things we must leave behind. The tears rushed into the eyes of Idris, while Alfred and Evelyn brought now a favourite rose tree, now a marble vase beautifully carved, insisting that these must go, and exclaiming on the pity that we could not take the castle and the forest, the deer and the birds, and all accustomed and cherished objects along with us. “Fond and foolish ones,” I said, “we have lost for ever treasures far more precious than these; and we desert them, to preserve treasures to which in comparison they are nothing. Let us not for a moment forget our object and our hope; and they will form a resistless mound to stop the overflowing of our regret for trifles.”

There were many dear friends we couldn’t leave behind, no matter how humble they were. There was the lively and loyal horse that Lord Raymond had given his daughter; there was Alfred’s dog and a pet eagle, whose vision had faded with age. But making a list of our favorites to take with us brought grief as we thought of our heavy losses, and we sighed deeply for all the things we had to leave behind. Tears streamed down Idris's face, while Alfred and Evelyn brought over a favorite rose bush and a beautifully carved marble vase, insisting that these must come with us and lamenting the fact that we couldn’t take the castle and the forest, the deer and the birds, and all our familiar and cherished belongings. “You fond and foolish ones,” I said, “we have lost forever treasures far more valuable than these; and we leave them behind to keep treasures that, in comparison, are nothing. Let’s not forget our purpose and our hope for even a moment; they will be a powerful barrier against our overflowing regrets for these trivial things.”

The children were easily distracted, and again returned to their prospect of future amusement. Idris had disappeared. She had gone to hide her weakness; escaping from the castle, she had descended to the little park, and sought solitude, that she might there indulge her tears; I found her clinging round an old oak, pressing its rough trunk with her roseate lips, as her tears fell plenteously, and her sobs and broken exclamations could not be suppressed; with surpassing grief I beheld this loved one of my heart thus lost in sorrow! I drew her towards me; and, as she felt my kisses on her eyelids, as she felt my arms press her, she revived to the knowledge of what remained to her. “You are very kind not to reproach me,” she said: “I weep, and a bitter pang of intolerable sorrow tears my heart. And yet I am happy; mothers lament their children, wives lose their husbands, while you and my children are left to me. Yes, I am happy, most happy, that I can weep thus for imaginary sorrows, and that the slight loss of my adored country is not dwindled and annihilated in mightier misery. Take me where you will; where you and my children are, there shall be Windsor, and every country will be England to me. Let these tears flow not for myself, happy and ungrateful as I am, but for the dead world—for our lost country—for all of love, and life, and joy, now choked in the dusty chambers of death.”

The children were easily distracted and quickly returned to thinking about their future fun. Idris had vanished. She had gone to hide her vulnerability; escaping from the castle, she had made her way to the small park to seek solitude so she could let her tears flow. I found her clinging to an old oak, pressing her rosy lips against its rough trunk as tears fell freely, and her sobs and broken words couldn’t be held back. My heart ached as I watched this beloved person lost in sorrow! I pulled her close; as she felt my kisses on her eyelids and my arms around her, she came back to the awareness of what she still had. “You're so kind not to blame me,” she said. “I’m crying, and an unbearable pain is tearing at my heart. And yet, I am happy; mothers mourn their children, wives lose their husbands, while you and my children are still with me. Yes, I am happy, deeply happy, that I can weep for made-up grief, and that the small loss of my cherished country hasn’t been swallowed up by greater misery. Take me wherever you want; wherever you and my children are will feel like Windsor, and every place will be England to me. Let these tears flow, not for myself, happy and ungrateful as I may be, but for the dead world—for our lost country—for all the love, life, and joy now buried in the dusty corners of death.”

She spoke quickly, as if to convince herself; she turned her eyes from the trees and forest-paths she loved; she hid her face in my bosom, and we— yes, my masculine firmness dissolved—we wept together consolatory tears, and then calm—nay, almost cheerful, we returned to the castle.

She spoke rapidly, as if trying to reassure herself; she turned her gaze away from the trees and forest paths she loved; she buried her face in my chest, and we—yes, my masculine strength faded—we cried together comforting tears, and then, calm—almost cheerful—we made our way back to the castle.

The first cold weather of an English October, made us hasten our preparations. I persuaded Idris to go up to London, where she might better attend to necessary arrangements. I did not tell her, that to spare her the pang of parting from inanimate objects, now the only things left, I had resolved that we should none of us return to Windsor. For the last time we looked on the wide extent of country visible from the terrace, and saw the last rays of the sun tinge the dark masses of wood variegated by autumnal tints; the uncultivated fields and smokeless cottages lay in shadow below; the Thames wound through the wide plain, and the venerable pile of Eton college, stood in dark relief, a prominent object; the cawing of the myriad rooks which inhabited the trees of the little park, as in column or thick wedge they speeded to their nests, disturbed the silence of evening. Nature was the same, as when she was the kind mother of the human race; now, childless and forlorn, her fertility was a mockery; her loveliness a mask for deformity. Why should the breeze gently stir the trees, man felt not its refreshment? Why did dark night adorn herself with stars—man saw them not? Why are there fruits, or flowers, or streams, man is not here to enjoy them?

The first cold weather of an English October made us rush our preparations. I convinced Idris to head up to London, where she could handle the necessary arrangements better. I didn’t tell her that to spare her the pain of leaving behind the inanimate objects, now the only things left, I had decided that none of us would return to Windsor. For the last time, we looked at the vast expanse of countryside visible from the terrace and saw the last rays of the sun coloring the dark masses of trees in autumn shades; the unmended fields and smokeless cottages lay in shadow below; the Thames wound through the wide plain, and the grand building of Eton College stood out in dark relief, a prominent sight; the cawing of the countless rooks living in the trees of the little park, as they flew in groups or thick columns to their nests, broke the evening silence. Nature remained the same as when she was the nurturing mother of humanity; now, childless and abandoned, her fertility felt like a joke; her beauty a disguise for ugliness. Why should the breeze gently move the trees when man didn't feel its refreshment? Why did the dark night decorate itself with stars—if man couldn’t see them? Why are there fruits, flowers, or streams—if man isn’t here to enjoy them?

Idris stood beside me, her dear hand locked in mine. Her face was radiant with a smile.—“The sun is alone,” she said, “but we are not. A strange star, my Lionel, ruled our birth; sadly and with dismay we may look upon the annihilation of man; but we remain for each other. Did I ever in the wide world seek other than thee? And since in the wide world thou remainest, why should I complain? Thou and nature are still true to me. Beneath the shades of night, and through the day, whose garish light displays our solitude, thou wilt still be at my side, and even Windsor will not be regretted.”

Idris stood beside me, her sweet hand clasped in mine. Her face was glowing with a smile. “The sun is alone,” she said, “but we are not. A strange star, my Lionel, guided our birth; sadly and with dismay, we may witness the destruction of humanity, but we have each other. Did I ever seek anyone else in this wide world besides you? And since you remain here, why should I complain? You and nature are still with me. In the darkness of night and through the day, which harshly shows our loneliness, you will still be by my side, and I won’t even miss Windsor.”

I had chosen night time for our journey to London, that the change and desolation of the country might be the less observable. Our only surviving servant drove us. We past down the steep hill, and entered the dusky avenue of the Long Walk. At times like these, minute circumstances assume giant and majestic proportions; the very swinging open of the white gate that admitted us into the forest, arrested my thoughts as matter of interest; it was an every day act, never to occur again! The setting crescent of the moon glittered through the massy trees to our right, and when we entered the park, we scared a troop of deer, that fled bounding away in the forest shades. Our two boys quietly slept; once, before our road turned from the view, I looked back on the castle. Its windows glistened in the moonshine, and its heavy outline lay in a dark mass against the sky—the trees near us waved a solemn dirge to the midnight breeze. Idris leaned back in the carriage; her two hands pressed mine, her countenance was placid, she seemed to lose the sense of what she now left, in the memory of what she still possessed.

I had chosen nighttime for our journey to London so that the changes and desolation of the countryside would be less noticeable. Our only surviving servant drove us. We went down the steep hill and entered the dimly lit path of the Long Walk. In moments like these, small details take on oversized significance; even the simple act of the white gate swinging open to let us into the forest captured my attention—it was an everyday occurrence that would never happen again! The crescent moon shone brightly through the thick trees on our right, and when we entered the park, we startled a group of deer that bounded away into the shadows of the forest. Our two boys slept peacefully; once, before our path turned out of sight, I glanced back at the castle. Its windows shimmered in the moonlight, and its heavy shape was a dark outline against the sky—the nearby trees waved a solemn farewell to the midnight breeze. Idris leaned back in the carriage; her two hands pressed mine, her face was calm, and she seemed to lose awareness of what she was leaving behind in the memory of what she still had.

My thoughts were sad and solemn, yet not of unmingled pain. The very excess of our misery carried a relief with it, giving sublimity and elevation to sorrow. I felt that I carried with me those I best loved; I was pleased, after a long separation to rejoin Adrian; never again to part. I felt that I quitted what I loved, not what loved me. The castle walls, and long familiar trees, did not hear the parting sound of our carriage-wheels with regret. And, while I felt Idris to be near, and heard the regular breathing of my children, I could not be unhappy. Clara was greatly moved; with streaming eyes, suppressing her sobs, she leaned from the window, watching the last glimpse of her native Windsor.

My thoughts were sad and serious, but not completely painful. The sheer weight of our misery brought a certain relief with it, giving a sense of grandeur and depth to our sorrow. I felt that I was carrying with me the people I loved most; I was happy to reunite with Adrian after a long separation, never to part again. I realized I was leaving behind what I loved, not what loved me. The castle walls and the familiar trees didn’t regret the sound of our carriage-wheels as we drove away. And while I felt Idris was close and could hear my children’s steady breathing, I couldn’t be unhappy. Clara was deeply affected; with tears streaming down her face and trying to hold back her sobs, she leaned out of the window, watching the last view of her hometown, Windsor.

Adrian welcomed us on our arrival. He was all animation; you could no longer trace in his look of health, the suffering valetudinarian; from his smile and sprightly tones you could not guess that he was about to lead forth from their native country, the numbered remnant of the English nation, into the tenantless realms of the south, there to die, one by one, till the LAST MAN should remain in a voiceless, empty world.

Adrian greeted us when we arrived. He was full of energy; his healthy appearance didn’t show the signs of the once-ailing man he had been. From his smile and cheerful voice, you could never guess that he was about to take the dwindling number of English people out of their homeland into the uninhabited lands of the south, where they would pass away one by one until the LAST MAN was left in a silent, empty world.

Adrian was impatient for our departure, and had advanced far in his preparations. His wisdom guided all. His care was the soul, to move the luckless crowd, who relied wholly on him. It was useless to provide many things, for we should find abundant provision in every town. It was Adrian’s wish to prevent all labour; to bestow a festive appearance on this funeral train. Our numbers amounted to not quite two thousand persons. These were not all assembled in London, but each day witnessed the arrival of fresh numbers, and those who resided in the neighbouring towns, had received orders to assemble at one place, on the twentieth of November. Carriages and horses were provided for all; captains and under officers chosen, and the whole assemblage wisely organized. All obeyed the Lord Protector of dying England; all looked up to him. His council was chosen, it consisted of about fifty persons. Distinction and station were not the qualifications of their election. We had no station among us, but that which benevolence and prudence gave; no distinction save between the living and the dead. Although we were anxious to leave England before the depth of winter, yet we were detained. Small parties had been dispatched to various parts of England, in search of stragglers; we would not go, until we had assured ourselves that in all human probability we did not leave behind a single human being.

Adrian was eager for us to leave and had made significant progress in his preparations. His insight guided everything. His care was essential to moving the unfortunate crowd that depended entirely on him. It was pointless to gather too many supplies since we would find plenty in every town. Adrian wanted to avoid all hard work and give the funeral procession a festive look. Our numbers totaled just under two thousand people. Not everyone was gathered in London, but each day saw more people arriving, and those living in nearby towns had been instructed to meet in one place on November twentieth. Transportation and horses were arranged for everyone; leaders and assistants were selected, and the entire group was organized thoughtfully. Everyone followed the Lord Protector of a fading England; everyone looked to him. His council was made up of about fifty members. Status and rank were not the reasons for their selection. We had no status among us, only what kindness and wisdom provided; no distinction beyond the living and the dead. Although we were eager to leave England before winter fully set in, we were held back. Small groups had been sent to different parts of England to find any stragglers; we wouldn’t leave until we had confirmed that, to the best of our knowledge, we weren’t leaving anyone behind.

On our arrival in London, we found that the aged Countess of Windsor was residing with her son in the palace of the Protectorate; we repaired to our accustomed abode near Hyde Park. Idris now for the first time for many years saw her mother, anxious to assure herself that the childishness of old age did not mingle with unforgotten pride, to make this high-born dame still so inveterate against me. Age and care had furrowed her cheeks, and bent her form; but her eye was still bright, her manners authoritative and unchanged; she received her daughter coldly, but displayed more feeling as she folded her grand-children in her arms. It is our nature to wish to continue our systems and thoughts to posterity through our own offspring. The Countess had failed in this design with regard to her children; perhaps she hoped to find the next remove in birth more tractable. Once Idris named me casually—a frown, a convulsive gesture of anger, shook her mother, and, with voice trembling with hate, she said—“I am of little worth in this world; the young are impatient to push the old off the scene; but, Idris, if you do not wish to see your mother expire at your feet, never again name that person to me; all else I can bear; and now I am resigned to the destruction of my cherished hopes: but it is too much to require that I should love the instrument that providence gifted with murderous properties for my destruction.”

When we arrived in London, we found the elderly Countess of Windsor living with her son in the palace of the Protectorate; we went to stay at our usual place near Hyde Park. Idris was seeing her mother for the first time in many years, anxious to reassure herself that the signs of aging hadn’t blended with the lingering pride that might make this noblewoman still hold a grudge against me. Age and worry had left lines on her face and stooped her posture; however, her eyes were still bright, and her manner was authoritative and unchanged. She greeted her daughter coldly but showed more warmth when she embraced her grandchildren. It’s in our nature to want to pass on our beliefs and ideas to our children. The Countess had not succeeded in this with her own kids; maybe she hoped the next generation would be more willing. Once, Idris mentioned me casually—her mother was shaken by a frown and a sudden display of anger, and with a voice trembling with hatred, she said, “I have little value in this world; the young are eager to push the old aside; but, Idris, if you don’t want to see your mother die at your feet, never mention that person to me again; I can handle everything else, and I’m now resigned to the failure of my hopes. But it’s too much to ask that I love the tool that fate has given the power to destroy me.”

This was a strange speech, now that, on the empty stage, each might play his part without impediment from the other. But the haughty Ex-Queen thought as Octavius Cæsar and Mark Antony,

This was a strange speech, now that, on the empty stage, each could perform his role without interference from the other. But the proud Ex-Queen thought of Octavius Caesar and Mark Antony,

We could not stall together
In the whole world.

We couldn't delay together
In the entire world.

The period of our departure was fixed for the twenty-fifth of November. The weather was temperate; soft rains fell at night, and by day the wintry sun shone out. Our numbers were to move forward in separate parties, and to go by different routes, all to unite at last at Paris. Adrian and his division, consisting in all of five hundred persons, were to take the direction of Dover and Calais. On the twentieth of November, Adrian and I rode for the last time through the streets of London. They were grass-grown and desert. The open doors of the empty mansions creaked upon their hinges; rank herbage, and deforming dirt, had swiftly accumulated on the steps of the houses; the voiceless steeples of the churches pierced the smokeless air; the churches were open, but no prayer was offered at the altars; mildew and damp had already defaced their ornaments; birds, and tame animals, now homeless, had built nests, and made their lairs in consecrated spots. We passed St. Paul’s. London, which had extended so far in suburbs in all direction, had been somewhat deserted in the midst, and much of what had in former days obscured this vast building was removed. Its ponderous mass, blackened stone, and high dome, made it look, not like a temple, but a tomb. Methought above the portico was engraved the Hic jacet of England. We passed on eastwards, engaged in such solemn talk as the times inspired. No human step was heard, nor human form discerned. Troops of dogs, deserted of their masters, passed us; and now and then a horse, unbridled and unsaddled, trotted towards us, and tried to attract the attention of those which we rode, as if to allure them to seek like liberty. An unwieldy ox, who had fed in an abandoned granary, suddenly lowed, and shewed his shapeless form in a narrow door-way; every thing was desert; but nothing was in ruin. And this medley of undamaged buildings, and luxurious accommodation, in trim and fresh youth, was contrasted with the lonely silence of the unpeopled streets.

Our departure was set for November twenty-fifth. The weather was mild; soft rains fell at night, and during the day, the winter sun shone. We were going to move out in separate groups and take different routes, all meeting eventually in Paris. Adrian and his team, which had a total of five hundred people, were heading towards Dover and Calais. On November twentieth, Adrian and I rode through the streets of London for the last time. They were overgrown with grass and deserted. The creaky doors of empty mansions swung on their hinges; thick weeds and dirt had quickly built up on the steps; the silent church steeples pierced the smoke-free air; the churches were open, but no prayers were said at the altars; mold and dampness had started to ruin their decorations; birds and stray animals had made nests and created homes in sacred places. We passed St. Paul’s. London, which had once sprawled out with suburbs in all directions, felt somewhat abandoned in the center, and much of what used to block this massive building was gone. Its massive, dark stone structure and high dome made it seem less like a temple and more like a tomb. It seemed to me that above the entrance was the inscription Hic jacet of England. We continued eastward, engaged in the somber conversations that the times inspired. No human footsteps were heard, nor were any human figures seen. Packs of dogs, abandoned by their owners, passed us; occasionally, a horse, unbridled and unsaddled, trotted towards us, trying to catch the attention of our horses, as if inviting them to seek freedom as well. A large ox, having fed in an empty granary, suddenly mooed and showed his bulky form at a narrow doorway; everything was deserted, but nothing was in ruins. This mixture of intact buildings and well-kept spaces, still fresh and vibrant, stood in stark contrast to the lonely silence of the empty streets.

Night closed in, and it began to rain. We were about to return homewards, when a voice, a human voice, strange now to hear, attracted our attention. It was a child singing a merry, lightsome air; there was no other sound. We had traversed London from Hyde Park even to where we now were in the Minories, and had met no person, heard no voice nor footstep. The singing was interrupted by laughing and talking; never was merry ditty so sadly timed, never laughter more akin to tears. The door of the house from which these sounds proceeded was open, the upper rooms were illuminated as for a feast. It was a large magnificent house, in which doubtless some rich merchant had lived. The singing again commenced, and rang through the high-roofed rooms, while we silently ascended the stair-case. Lights now appeared to guide us; and a long suite of splendid rooms illuminated, made us still more wonder. Their only inhabitant, a little girl, was dancing, waltzing, and singing about them, followed by a large Newfoundland dog, who boisterously jumping on her, and interrupting her, made her now scold, now laugh, now throw herself on the carpet to play with him. She was dressed grotesquely, in glittering robes and shawls fit for a woman; she appeared about ten years of age. We stood at the door looking on this strange scene, till the dog perceiving us barked loudly; the child turned and saw us: her face, losing its gaiety, assumed a sullen expression: she slunk back, apparently meditating an escape. I came up to her, and held her hand; she did not resist, but with a stern brow, so strange in childhood, so different from her former hilarity, she stood still, her eyes fixed on the ground. “What do you do here?” I said gently; “Who are you?”—she was silent, but trembled violently.—“My poor child,” asked Adrian, “are you alone?” There was a winning softness in his voice, that went to the heart of the little girl; she looked at him, then snatching her hand from me, threw herself into his arms, clinging round his neck, ejaculating—“Save me! save me!” while her unnatural sullenness dissolved in tears.

Night fell, and it started to rain. Just as we were about to head home, a voice— a human voice, which felt strange to hear— caught our attention. It was a child singing a cheerful, lively tune; there was no other sound around. We had walked through London from Hyde Park all the way to where we were now in the Minories, and we hadn’t seen anyone or heard any voice or footsteps. The singing was interrupted by laughter and chatter; never was a happy song so sadly timed, and never did laughter seem so close to tears. The door of the house where the sounds came from was open, and the upper rooms were lit up as if for a celebration. It was a grand house, likely once home to a wealthy merchant. The singing started up again, echoing through the high-ceilinged rooms as we quietly climbed the staircase. Lights appeared, guiding us through a long series of beautifully lit rooms, leaving us even more amazed. The only occupant, a little girl, was dancing, waltzing, and singing in them, followed by a large Newfoundland dog, who playfully jumped on her, interrupting her, causing her to scold, laugh, and then throw herself on the carpet to play with him. She was dressed in a ridiculous outfit, in sparkling clothes and shawls meant for an adult; she looked to be about ten years old. We stood at the door watching this unusual scene until the dog noticed us and barked loudly; the child turned and saw us: her cheerful expression vanished, and she looked sullen. She backed away, seemingly thinking about escaping. I approached her and took her hand; she didn’t resist, but with a serious look that felt so odd for a child, so different from her earlier joy, she stood still with her eyes fixed on the ground. “What are you doing here?” I asked gently; “Who are you?”— she was silent but trembled violently. “My poor child,” Adrian asked, “are you alone?” There was a gentle softness in his voice that touched the little girl’s heart; she looked at him, then snatched her hand away from me and threw herself into his arms, clinging to his neck, crying out—“Save me! save me!” as her unnatural sulkiness melted into tears.

“I will save you,” he replied, “of what are you afraid? you need not fear my friend, he will do you no harm. Are you alone?”

"I'll save you," he said, "what are you afraid of? You don't need to be scared, my friend won't hurt you. Are you on your own?"

“No, Lion is with me.”

“No, Lion’s with me.”

“And your father and mother?—”

"And what about your parents?"

“I never had any; I am a charity girl. Every body is gone, gone for a great, great many days; but if they come back and find me out, they will beat me so!”

“I never had any; I’m a charity girl. Everybody is gone, gone for a long, long time; but if they come back and find me here, they will beat me so!”

Her unhappy story was told in these few words: an orphan, taken on pretended charity, ill-treated and reviled, her oppressors had died: unknowing of what had passed around her, she found herself alone; she had not dared venture out, but by the continuance of her solitude her courage revived, her childish vivacity caused her to play a thousand freaks, and with her brute companion she passed a long holiday, fearing nothing but the return of the harsh voices and cruel usage of her protectors. She readily consented to go with Adrian.

Her sad story was summed up in these few words: an orphan, taken in under the guise of charity, mistreated and insulted. Her oppressors had died; unaware of what had happened around her, she found herself all alone. She hadn’t dared to go outside, but as her solitude stretched on, her courage grew. Her youthful energy led her to play countless pranks, and with her animal companion, she enjoyed a long holiday, fearing nothing except the return of the harsh voices and cruel treatment from her so-called protectors. She readily agreed to go with Adrian.

In the mean time, while we descanted on alien sorrows, and on a solitude which struck our eyes and not our hearts, while we imagined all of change and suffering that had intervened in these once thronged streets, before, tenantless and abandoned, they became mere kennels for dogs, and stables for cattle:—while we read the death of the world upon the dark fane, and hugged ourselves in the remembrance that we possessed that which was all the world to us—in the meanwhile—-

In the meantime, while we talked about foreign sorrows and a loneliness that caught our attention but not our emotions, while we imagined all the changes and suffering that had happened in these once-bustling streets, which, now empty and forsaken, had turned into mere dog kennels and cattle stables:—while we read the demise of the world on the dark temple, and comforted ourselves with the memory that we held onto what was everything to us—in the meantime—-

We had arrived from Windsor early in October, and had now been in London about six weeks. Day by day, during that time, the health of my Idris declined: her heart was broken; neither sleep nor appetite, the chosen servants of health, waited on her wasted form. To watch her children hour by hour, to sit by me, drinking deep the dear persuasion that I remained to her, was all her pastime. Her vivacity, so long assumed, her affectionate display of cheerfulness, her light-hearted tone and springy gait were gone. I could not disguise to myself, nor could she conceal, her life-consuming sorrow. Still change of scene, and reviving hopes might restore her; I feared the plague only, and she was untouched by that.

We had arrived from Windsor early in October and had been in London for about six weeks. Day by day, during that time, my Idris's health declined: her heart was broken; neither sleep nor appetite, the usual signs of good health, attended to her frail figure. Watching her children hour by hour, sitting beside me, finding comfort in the belief that I was still with her, occupied her time. Her liveliness, which had been so prominent, her affectionate display of cheerfulness, her carefree tone, and her springy walk were all gone. I couldn't hide from myself, nor could she hide from me, her life-draining sadness. Still, a change of scenery and renewed hopes might bring her back to life; I only feared the plague, and she was unaffected by it.

I had left her this evening, reposing after the fatigues of her preparations. Clara sat beside her, relating a story to the two boys. The eyes of Idris were closed: but Clara perceived a sudden change in the appearance of our eldest darling; his heavy lids veiled his eyes, an unnatural colour burnt in his cheeks, his breath became short. Clara looked at the mother; she slept, yet started at the pause the narrator made— Fear of awakening and alarming her, caused Clara to go on at the eager call of Evelyn, who was unaware of what was passing. Her eyes turned alternately from Alfred to Idris; with trembling accents she continued her tale, till she saw the child about to fall: starting forward she caught him, and her cry roused Idris. She looked on her son. She saw death stealing across his features; she laid him on a bed, she held drink to his parched lips.

I had left her this evening, resting after the exhaustion of her preparations. Clara sat next to her, telling a story to the two boys. Idris's eyes were closed, but Clara noticed a sudden change in our oldest child; his heavy eyelids covered his eyes, an unnatural color burned in his cheeks, and his breath became shallow. Clara glanced at his mother; she slept but stirred at the pause in Clara's storytelling—fearing to wake and alarm her, Clara continued at Evelyn’s eager call, who was unaware of what was happening. Her eyes shifted back and forth between Alfred and Idris; with trembling voice, she continued her tale until she saw that the child was about to fall. Leaning forward, she caught him, and her cry jolted Idris awake. She looked at her son and saw death creeping across his features; she laid him on a bed and held a drink to his parched lips.

Yet he might be saved. If I were there, he might be saved; perhaps it was not the plague. Without a counsellor, what could she do? stay and behold him die! Why at that moment was I away? “Look to him, Clara,” she exclaimed, “I will return immediately.”

Yet he could be saved. If I were there, he could be saved; maybe it wasn't the plague. Without a counselor, what could she do? Stay and watch him die! Why was I away at that moment? “Look after him, Clara,” she said, “I’ll be back right away.”

She inquired among those who, selected as the companions of our journey, had taken up their residence in our house; she heard from them merely that I had gone out with Adrian. She entreated them to seek me: she returned to her child, he was plunged in a frightful state of torpor; again she rushed down stairs; all was dark, desert, and silent; she lost all self-possession; she ran into the street; she called on my name. The pattering rain and howling wind alone replied to her. Wild fear gave wings to her feet; she darted forward to seek me, she knew not where; but, putting all her thoughts, all her energy, all her being in speed only, most misdirected speed, she neither felt, nor feared, nor paused, but ran right on, till her strength suddenly deserted her so suddenly, that she had not thought to save herself. Her knees failed her, and she fell heavily on the pavement. She was stunned for a time; but at length rose, and though sorely hurt, still walked on, shedding a fountain of tears, stumbling at times, going she knew not whither, only now and then with feeble voice she called my name, adding with heart-piercing exclamations, that I was cruel and unkind. Human being there was none to reply; and the inclemency of the night had driven the wandering animals to the habitations they had usurped. Her thin dress was drenched with rain; her wet hair clung round her neck; she tottered through the dark streets; till, striking her foot against an unseen impediment, she again fell; she could not rise; she hardly strove; but, gathering up her limbs, she resigned herself to the fury of the elements, and the bitter grief of her own heart. She breathed an earnest prayer to die speedily, for there was no relief but death. While hopeless of safety for herself, she ceased to lament for her dying child, but shed kindly, bitter tears for the grief I should experience in losing her. While she lay, life almost suspended, she felt a warm, soft hand on her brow, and a gentle female voice asked her, with expressions of tender compassion, if she could not rise? That another human being, sympathetic and kind, should exist near, roused her; half rising, with clasped hands, and fresh springing tears, she entreated her companion to seek for me, to bid me hasten to my dying child, to save him, for the love of heaven, to save him!

She asked those who, chosen as the companions of our journey, had taken up residence in our house; they told her only that I had gone out with Adrian. She begged them to look for me: she returned to her child, who was in a terrifying state of shock; once again, she rushed downstairs; everything was dark, empty, and silent; she lost all composure; she ran into the street; she called my name. Only the rain falling and the wind howling answered her. Panic fueled her steps; she dashed off to find me, not knowing where to go; but focusing all her thoughts, energy, and being solely on speed, though misdirected, she neither felt nor feared nor stopped, just ran on, until her strength suddenly abandoned her so abruptly that she hadn’t thought to save herself. Her knees gave out, and she fell hard onto the pavement. She was dazed for a time; but eventually got up, and although badly hurt, she continued walking, shedding a river of tears, stumbling at times, going to an unknown destination, only occasionally calling my name in a weak voice, adding with heartbreaking cries that I was cruel and unkind. No one was there to respond; and the harshness of the night had driven away the wandering animals to their homes. Her thin dress was soaked with rain; her wet hair clung to her neck; she staggered through the dark streets; until she tripped over something she couldn't see and fell again; she couldn’t get up; she barely made an effort; but, gathering her limbs, she surrendered to the fury of the elements and the deep sorrow in her heart. She prayed earnestly to die quickly, for there was no relief but death. While hopeless for her own safety, she stopped lamenting for her dying child, but shed kind, bitter tears for the grief I would feel in losing her. While she lay there, on the verge of losing consciousness, she felt a warm, soft hand on her forehead, and a gentle female voice asked her, with expressions of tender compassion, if she could not get up? The presence of another sympathetic and kind person roused her; half rising, with clasped hands, and fresh tears, she begged her companion to search for me, to urge me to hurry to my dying child, to save him, for the love of heaven, to save him!

The woman raised her; she led her under shelter, she entreated her to return to her home, whither perhaps I had already returned. Idris easily yielded to her persuasions, she leaned on the arm of her friend, she endeavoured to walk on, but irresistible faintness made her pause again and again.

The woman lifted her up; she guided her to safety, urging her to go back home, where I might have already gone. Idris agreed to her pleas easily, leaning on her friend's arm as she tried to walk, but overwhelming weakness forced her to stop again and again.

Quickened by the encreasing storm, we had hastened our return, our little charge was placed before Adrian on his horse. There was an assemblage of persons under the portico of our house, in whose gestures I instinctively read some heavy change, some new misfortune. With swift alarm, afraid to ask a single question, I leapt from my horse; the spectators saw me, knew me, and in awful silence divided to make way for me. I snatched a light, and rushing up stairs, and hearing a groan, without reflection I threw open the door of the first room that presented itself. It was quite dark; but, as I stept within, a pernicious scent assailed my senses, producing sickening qualms, which made their way to my very heart, while I felt my leg clasped, and a groan repeated by the person that held me. I lowered my lamp, and saw a negro half clad, writhing under the agony of disease, while he held me with a convulsive grasp. With mixed horror and impatience I strove to disengage myself, and fell on the sufferer; he wound his naked festering arms round me, his face was close to mine, and his breath, death-laden, entered my vitals. For a moment I was overcome, my head was bowed by aching nausea; till, reflection returning, I sprung up, threw the wretch from me, and darting up the staircase, entered the chamber usually inhabited by my family. A dim light shewed me Alfred on a couch; Clara trembling, and paler than whitest snow, had raised him on her arm, holding a cup of water to his lips. I saw full well that no spark of life existed in that ruined form, his features were rigid, his eyes glazed, his head had fallen back. I took him from her, I laid him softly down, kissed his cold little mouth, and turned to speak in a vain whisper, when loudest sound of thunderlike cannon could not have reached him in his immaterial abode.

Driven by the growing storm, we quickly made our way back; our little charge was placed in front of Adrian on his horse. There was a crowd gathered under the porch of our house, and I could instinctively sense that something serious had happened, some new misfortune. Alarmed and afraid to ask a single question, I jumped off my horse; the onlookers saw me, recognized me, and with a heavy silence parted to let me through. I grabbed a light and rushed upstairs, hearing a groan. Without thinking, I threw open the door to the first room I found. It was completely dark, but as I stepped in, a foul smell hit me, making me feel queasy deep in my gut, while I sensed something gripping my leg, accompanied by another groan from whoever was holding me. I lowered my lamp and saw a half-clothed figure writhing in pain, clutching me with a convulsive grip. With a mix of horror and impatience, I tried to pull myself away, but ended up falling on top of the person. They wrapped their bare, infected arms around me, their face close to mine, and their breath, heavy and stale, filled my lungs. For a moment, I was overwhelmed; a wave of nausea washed over me. Then, as my sense returned, I sprang up, pushed the unfortunate soul away, and dashed up the staircase, entering the room usually occupied by my family. A dim light revealed Alfred lying on a couch; Clara, trembling and paler than snow, had propped him up with her arm, offering him a cup of water. I could see clearly that there was no spark of life left in that broken form—his features were stiff, his eyes glazed over, and his head drooped back. I took him from her, gently laid him down, kissed his cold little mouth, and turned to speak in a soft whisper, but even the loudest sound of thunder or cannon would have fallen on deaf ears in his ethereal state.

And where was Idris? That she had gone out to seek me, and had not returned, were fearful tidings, while the rain and driving wind clattered against the window, and roared round the house. Added to this, the sickening sensation of disease gained upon me; no time was to be lost, if ever I would see her again. I mounted my horse and rode out to seek her, fancying that I heard her voice in every gust, oppressed by fever and aching pain.

And where was Idris? The news that she had gone out to find me and hadn’t come back was frightening, especially with the rain and strong wind crashing against the window and howling around the house. On top of this, the nauseating feeling of illness was overwhelming me; I had to act fast if I ever wanted to see her again. I got on my horse and rode out to look for her, imagining I could hear her voice in every gust, weighed down by fever and aching pain.

I rode in the dark and rain through the labyrinthine streets of unpeopled London. My child lay dead at home; the seeds of mortal disease had taken root in my bosom; I went to seek Idris, my adored, now wandering alone, while the waters were rushing from heaven like a cataract to bathe her dear head in chill damp, her fair limbs in numbing cold. A female stood on the step of a door, and called to me as I gallopped past. It was not Idris; so I rode swiftly on, until a kind of second sight, a reflection back again on my senses of what I had seen but not marked, made me feel sure that another figure, thin, graceful and tall, stood clinging to the foremost person who supported her. In a minute I was beside the suppliant, in a minute I received the sinking Idris in my arms. Lifting her up, I placed her on the horse; she had not strength to support herself; so I mounted behind her, and held her close to my bosom, wrapping my riding-cloak round her, while her companion, whose well known, but changed countenance, (it was Juliet, daughter of the Duke of L—-) could at this moment of horror obtain from me no more than a passing glance of compassion. She took the abandoned rein, and conducted our obedient steed homewards. Dare I avouch it? That was the last moment of my happiness; but I was happy. Idris must die, for her heart was broken: I must die, for I had caught the plague; earth was a scene of desolation; hope was madness; life had married death; they were one; but, thus supporting my fainting love, thus feeling that I must soon die, I revelled in the delight of possessing her once more; again and again I kissed her, and pressed her to my heart.

I rode through the dark, rainy, winding streets of empty London. My child was dead at home; the seeds of a fatal illness had taken hold in me; I was looking for Idris, my beloved, now wandering alone, as the rain poured down like a waterfall, chilling her dear head and numbing her beautiful limbs. A woman stood at the doorway and called out to me as I galloped by. It wasn't Idris, so I rode on quickly until a kind of second sight, a return of my senses to what I had seen but not noticed, made me sure that another figure, thin, graceful, and tall, was clinging to the first person supporting her. In a moment, I was next to the woman begging for help, and in an instant, I had Idris, who was fading, in my arms. I lifted her up and placed her on the horse; she didn't have the strength to hold herself up, so I got behind her and held her close, wrapping my riding cloak around her, while her companion, whose familiar but changed face (it was Juliet, daughter of the Duke of L—-) could only get a brief glance of sympathy from me in this moment of horror. She took the empty reins and guided our willing horse home. Can I admit it? That was the last moment of my happiness; but I was happy. Idris was doomed to die because her heart was broken: I was doomed to die because I had caught the plague; the world was a scene of despair; hope was madness; life and death had become one; but, while supporting my weakening love, feeling that I would soon die, I reveled in the joy of having her once more; again and again I kissed her and held her to my heart.

We arrived at our home. I assisted her to dismount, I carried her up stairs, and gave her into Clara’s care, that her wet garments might be changed. Briefly I assured Adrian of her safety, and requested that we might be left to repose. As the miser, who with trembling caution visits his treasure to count it again and again, so I numbered each moment, and grudged every one that was not spent with Idris. I returned swiftly to the chamber where the life of my life reposed; before I entered the room I paused for a few seconds; for a few seconds I tried to examine my state; sickness and shuddering ever and anon came over me; my head was heavy, my chest oppressed, my legs bent under me; but I threw off resolutely the swift growing symptoms of my disorder, and met Idris with placid and even joyous looks. She was lying on a couch; carefully fastening the door to prevent all intrusion; I sat by her, we embraced, and our lips met in a kiss long drawn and breathless—would that moment had been my last!

We arrived home. I helped her get off, carried her upstairs, and handed her over to Clara so she could change her wet clothes. I quickly assured Adrian that she was safe and asked for some privacy. Just like a miser who carefully counts his treasure over and over, I counted every moment, begrudging each one that wasn’t spent with Idris. I hurried back to the room where my life lay resting; before I entered, I paused for a few seconds to assess how I was feeling. Waves of sickness and shivering hit me; my head felt heavy, my chest was tight, and my legs felt weak. But I shook off the growing signs of my illness and approached Idris with calm and even joyful expressions. She was lying on a couch, carefully locking the door to keep out any intruders. I sat beside her, we embraced, and our lips met in a long, breathless kiss—oh, how I wished that moment could have lasted forever!

Maternal feeling now awoke in my poor girl’s bosom, and she asked: “And Alfred?”

Maternal feelings now stirred in my poor girl's heart, and she asked, "And what about Alfred?"

“Idris,” I replied, “we are spared to each other, we are together; do not let any other idea intrude. I am happy; even on this fatal night, I declare myself happy, beyond all name, all thought—what would you more, sweet one?”

“Idris,” I replied, “we are meant for each other, and we’re together; don’t let any other thought get in the way. I’m happy; even on this tragic night, I declare I’m happy, beyond any words or thoughts—what more do you want, my dear?”

Idris understood me: she bowed her head on my shoulder and wept. “Why,” she again asked, “do you tremble, Lionel, what shakes you thus?”

Idris understood me: she rested her head on my shoulder and cried. “Why,” she asked again, “are you trembling, Lionel, what’s making you shake like this?”

“Well may I be shaken,” I replied, “happy as I am. Our child is dead, and the present hour is dark and ominous. Well may I tremble! but, I am happy, mine own Idris, most happy.”

“Well may I be shaken,” I replied, “as happy as I am. Our child is dead, and this moment is dark and foreboding. It’s no wonder I tremble! But I am happy, my own Idris, very happy.”

“I understand thee, my kind love,” said Idris, “thus—pale as thou art with sorrow at our loss; trembling and aghast, though wouldest assuage my grief by thy dear assurances. I am not happy,” (and the tears flashed and fell from under her down-cast lids), “for we are inmates of a miserable prison, and there is no joy for us; but the true love I bear you will render this and every other loss endurable.”

“I understand you, my dear love,” said Idris, “even though you’re pale from the sorrow of our loss; shaking and shocked, you still want to ease my grief with your sweet reassurances. I am not happy,” (and tears flashed and fell from her downcast eyes), “because we are stuck in a miserable prison, and there’s no joy for us; but the true love I have for you will make this and every other loss bearable.”

“We have been happy together, at least,” I said; “no future misery can deprive us of the past. We have been true to each other for years, ever since my sweet princess-love came through the snow to the lowly cottage of the poverty-striken heir of the ruined Verney. Even now, that eternity is before us, we take hope only from the presence of each other. Idris, do you think, that when we die, we shall be divided?”

“We have been happy together, at least,” I said; “no future misery can take away our past. We have been loyal to each other for years, ever since my sweet princess-love came through the snow to the humble cottage of the broke heir of the ruined Verney. Even now, as we face eternity, we draw hope only from being with each other. Idris, do you think that when we die, we will be separated?”

“Die! when we die! what mean you? What secret lies hid from me in those dreadful words?”

“Die! When we die! What do you mean? What secret is hidden from me in those terrible words?”

“Must we not all die, dearest?” I asked with a sad smile.

“Don’t we all have to die, dear?” I asked with a sad smile.

“Gracious God! are you ill, Lionel, that you speak of death? My only friend, heart of my heart, speak!”

“Gracious God! Are you sick, Lionel, that you’re talking about death? My only friend, the one who is dear to me, please speak!”

“I do not think,” replied I, “that we have any of us long to live; and when the curtain drops on this mortal scene, where, think you, we shall find ourselves?” Idris was calmed by my unembarrassed tone and look; she answered:—“You may easily believe that during this long progress of the plague, I have thought much on death, and asked myself, now that all mankind is dead to this life, to what other life they may have been borne. Hour after hour, I have dwelt on these thoughts, and strove to form a rational conclusion concerning the mystery of a future state. What a scare-crow, indeed, would death be, if we were merely to cast aside the shadow in which we now walk, and, stepping forth into the unclouded sunshine of knowledge and love, revived with the same companions, the same affections, and reached the fulfilment of our hopes, leaving our fears with our earthly vesture in the grave. Alas! the same strong feeling which makes me sure that I shall not wholly die, makes me refuse to believe that I shall live wholly as I do now. Yet, Lionel, never, never, can I love any but you; through eternity I must desire your society; and, as I am innocent of harm to others, and as relying and confident as my mortal nature permits, I trust that the Ruler of the world will never tear us asunder.”

“I don’t think,” I replied, “that any of us have much time left; and when the curtain falls on this life, where do you think we’ll end up?” My calm tone reassured Idris, and she answered:—“You can easily believe that during this long stretch of the plague, I’ve thought a lot about death and asked myself, now that everyone is gone from this life, what other life they might have moved on to. Hour after hour, I’ve pondered these thoughts and tried to come to a rational conclusion about the mystery of what comes after. What a terrifying thought death would be if we could simply cast aside this shadow we walk in, step into the bright light of knowledge and love, be reunited with the same companions, share the same feelings, and fulfill our hopes, leaving our fears behind with our earthly bodies in the grave. Alas! The same strong feeling that assures me I won’t completely die also makes me doubt that I’ll live the way I do now. Yet, Lionel, I can never love anyone but you; for eternity, I will long for your company; and, as innocent as I am of causing harm to others, and as confident as my human nature allows, I trust that the Ruler of the universe will never separate us.”

“Your remarks are like yourself, dear love,” replied I, “gentle and good; let us cherish such a belief, and dismiss anxiety from our minds. But, sweet, we are so formed, (and there is no sin, if God made our nature, to yield to what he ordains), we are so formed, that we must love life, and cling to it; we must love the living smile, the sympathetic touch, and thrilling voice, peculiar to our mortal mechanism. Let us not, through security in hereafter, neglect the present. This present moment, short as it is, is a part of eternity, and the dearest part, since it is our own unalienably. Thou, the hope of my futurity, art my present joy. Let me then look on thy dear eyes, and, reading love in them, drink intoxicating pleasure.”

“Your words are just like you, my dear,” I replied, “kind and thoughtful; let’s hold onto that belief and push away worry from our minds. But, my love, we are created this way, (and it’s not wrong if God designed us to accept what He has planned), we are made to love life and hold onto it tightly; we must appreciate the living smile, the comforting touch, and the exciting voice that are part of our human experience. Let’s not, in our certainty about what comes next, overlook the present. This moment, brief as it may be, is a piece of eternity, and the most cherished part since it's ours forever. You, the hope of my future, are my joy right now. So let me gaze into your beautiful eyes, and as I see love reflected in them, let me savor this amazing happiness.”

Timidly, for my vehemence somewhat terrified her, Idris looked on me. My eyes were bloodshot, starting from my head; every artery beat, methought, audibly, every muscle throbbed, each single nerve felt. Her look of wild affright told me, that I could no longer keep my secret:—“So it is, mine own beloved,” I said, “the last hour of many happy ones is arrived, nor can we shun any longer the inevitable destiny. I cannot live long—but, again and again, I say, this moment is ours!”

Timidly, since my intensity had frightened her a bit, Idris looked at me. My eyes were red and bloodshot, and it felt like every artery was pounding audibly, every muscle was throbbing, and I could feel each nerve. Her wild, terrified expression made it clear that I couldn't keep my secret anymore: “So it is, my dear,” I said, “the last hour of many happy ones has come, and we can no longer avoid our inevitable fate. I won’t be around much longer—but, once more, I say, this moment is ours!”

Paler than marble, with white lips and convulsed features, Idris became aware of my situation. My arm, as I sat, encircled her waist. She felt the palm burn with fever, even on the heart it pressed:—“One moment,” she murmured, scarce audibly, “only one moment.”—

Paler than marble, with white lips and twisted features, Idris realized what was happening to me. As I sat, my arm wrapped around her waist. She felt the heat of my fever even on the heart it touched:—“Just a moment,” she whispered, barely above a whisper, “just one moment.”

She kneeled, and hiding her face in her hands, uttered a brief, but earnest prayer, that she might fulfil her duty, and watch over me to the last. While there was hope, the agony had been unendurable;—all was now concluded; her feelings became solemn and calm. Even as Epicharis, unperturbed and firm, submitted to the instruments of torture, did Idris, suppressing every sigh and sign of grief, enter upon the endurance of torments, of which the rack and the wheel are but faint and metaphysical symbols.

She knelt down, covering her face with her hands, and said a quick but heartfelt prayer, asking for the strength to do her duty and take care of me until the end. While there was still hope, the pain had been unbearable; now that everything was over, her emotions turned solemn and calm. Just like Epicharis, who remained composed and strong while facing torture, Idris, holding back every sigh and sign of sorrow, faced the kind of suffering that the rack and the wheel only hint at.

I was changed; the tight-drawn cord that sounded so harshly was loosened, the moment that Idris participated in my knowledge of our real situation. The perturbed and passion-tossed waves of thought subsided, leaving only the heavy swell that kept right on without any outward manifestation of its disturbance, till it should break on the remote shore towards which I rapidly advanced:—“It is true that I am sick,” I said, “and your society, my Idris is my only medicine; come, and sit beside me.”

I had changed; the tension that felt so intense eased up the moment Idris shared our true situation with me. The chaotic and emotional thoughts settled, leaving just a deep undercurrent that continued without any visible signs of turmoil until it finally broke on the distant shore I was quickly approaching: “It's true that I'm unwell,” I said, “and your company, my Idris, is my only remedy; come, and sit with me.”

She made me lie down on the couch, and, drawing a low ottoman near, sat close to my pillow, pressing my burning hands in her cold palms. She yielded to my feverish restlessness, and let me talk, and talked to me, on subjects strange indeed to beings, who thus looked the last, and heard the last, of what they loved alone in the world. We talked of times gone by; of the happy period of our early love; of Raymond, Perdita, and Evadne. We talked of what might arise on this desert earth, if, two or three being saved, it were slowly re-peopled.—We talked of what was beyond the tomb; and, man in his human shape being nearly extinct, we felt with certainty of faith, that other spirits, other minds, other perceptive beings, sightless to us, must people with thought and love this beauteous and imperishable universe.

She made me lie down on the couch, and, pulling a low ottoman close, she sat next to my pillow, holding my burning hands in her cold palms. She understood my feverish restlessness and let me talk, engaging in conversation about topics that were truly strange to those who were facing the end, holding on to the last moments with what they loved most in the world. We reminisced about the past; the joyful time of our early love; about Raymond, Perdita, and Evadne. We discussed what might happen in this desolate world if a few of us were saved and slowly brought back a population. We pondered what lies beyond the grave; and as humanity was nearly extinct, we felt with unwavering faith that other spirits, other minds, other perceptive beings, invisible to us, must fill this beautiful and eternal universe with thought and love.

We talked—I know not how long—but, in the morning I awoke from a painful heavy slumber; the pale cheek of Idris rested on my pillow; the large orbs of her eyes half raised the lids, and shewed the deep blue lights beneath; her lips were unclosed, and the slight murmurs they formed told that, even while asleep, she suffered. “If she were dead,” I thought, “what difference? now that form is the temple of a residing deity; those eyes are the windows of her soul; all grace, love, and intelligence are throned on that lovely bosom—were she dead, where would this mind, the dearer half of mine, be? For quickly the fair proportion of this edifice would be more defaced, than are the sand-choked ruins of the desert temples of Palmyra.”

We talked—I don’t know how long—but in the morning I woke from a heavy, painful sleep; Idris’s pale cheek was resting on my pillow; her big eyes were half-lidded, revealing deep blue underneath; her lips were slightly parted, and the soft murmurs they made showed that even in sleep, she was suffering. “If she were dead,” I thought, “what difference would it make? That body is the home of a living spirit; those eyes are the windows to her soul; all grace, love, and intelligence are embodied in that beautiful figure—if she were dead, where would this mind, my other half, be? For soon the lovely structure of this body would be more ruined than the sand-filled remains of the desert temples in Palmyra.”

CHAPTER III.

Idris stirred and awoke; alas! she awoke to misery. She saw the signs of disease on my countenance, and wondered how she could permit the long night to pass without her having sought, not cure, that was impossible, but alleviation to my sufferings. She called Adrian; my couch was quickly surrounded by friends and assistants, and such medicines as were judged fitting were administered. It was the peculiar and dreadful distinction of our visitation, that none who had been attacked by the pestilence had recovered. The first symptom of the disease was the death-warrant, which in no single instance had been followed by pardon or reprieve. No gleam of hope therefore cheered my friends.

Idris stirred and woke up; unfortunately, she woke up to misery. She saw the signs of illness on my face and wondered how she could let the long night pass without trying to bring me some relief from my suffering, not a cure, which was impossible. She called Adrian; soon, my couch was surrounded by friends and helpers, and the medicines deemed appropriate were given to me. The terrible and unique aspect of our situation was that no one who had been struck by the plague had survived. The first sign of the disease was a death sentence, and in every case, it had never been followed by a pardon or a second chance. So, there was no glimmer of hope to uplift my friends.

While fever producing torpor, heavy pains, sitting like lead on my limbs, and making my breast heave, were upon me; I continued insensible to every thing but pain, and at last even to that. I awoke on the fourth morning as from a dreamless sleep. An irritating sense of thirst, and, when I strove to speak or move, an entire dereliction of power, was all I felt.

While a fever left me feeling sluggish, with intense pain weighing me down and making my chest feel heavy, I was unaware of anything except the pain, and eventually, even that faded away. I woke up on the fourth morning as if from a deep, dreamless sleep. All I felt was an overwhelming thirst, and when I tried to speak or move, I experienced a complete inability to do so.

For three days and nights Idris had not moved from my side. She administered to all my wants, and never slept nor rested. She did not hope; and therefore she neither endeavoured to read the physician’s countenance, nor to watch for symptoms of recovery. All her thought was to attend on me to the last, and then to lie down and die beside me. On the third night animation was suspended; to the eye and touch of all I was dead. With earnest prayer, almost with force, Adrian tried to draw Idris from me. He exhausted every adjuration, her child’s welfare and his own. She shook her head, and wiped a stealing tear from her sunk cheek, but would not yield; she entreated to be allowed to watch me that one night only, with such affliction and meek earnestness, that she gained her point, and sat silent and motionless, except when, stung by intolerable remembrance, she kissed my closed eyes and pallid lips, and pressed my stiffening hands to her beating heart.

For three days and nights, Idris stayed by my side without moving. She took care of all my needs and never slept or rested. She had no hope, so she didn’t try to read the doctor's expressions or look for signs of recovery. Her only thought was to stay with me until the end and then lie down and die beside me. On the third night, all signs of life seemed to have vanished; to everyone’s eye and touch, I was dead. Desperate to pull Idris away from me, Adrian tried everything—he pleaded with her, invoking the welfare of her child and his own. She shook her head and wiped away a tear that was silently sliding down her gaunt cheek, refusing to leave. She begged to be allowed to watch over me for just that one night, with such sorrowful and earnest determination that she got her way, sitting quietly and motionless, except when memories overwhelmed her, prompting her to kiss my closed eyes and pale lips, and press my stiffening hands to her pounding heart.

At dead of night, when, though it was mid winter, the cock crowed at three o’clock, as herald of the morning change, while hanging over me, and mourning in silent, bitter thought for the loss of all of love towards her that had been enshrined in my heart; her dishevelled hair hung over her face, and the long tresses fell on the bed; she saw one ringlet in motion, and the scattered hair slightly stirred, as by a breath. It is not so, she thought, for he will never breathe more. Several times the same thing occurred, and she only marked it by the same reflection; till the whole ringlet waved back, and she thought she saw my breast heave. Her first emotion was deadly fear, cold dew stood on her brow; my eyes half opened; and, re-assured, she would have exclaimed, “He lives!” but the words were choked by a spasm, and she fell with a groan on the floor.

At dead of night, even though it was the middle of winter, the rooster crowed at three o’clock, announcing the morning change. I hung over her, mourning silently and bitterly for all the love that had been stored in my heart for her. Her messy hair covered her face, and the long strands fell onto the bed. She noticed one ringlet moving and the scattered hair shifting as if stirred by a breath. "It can't be," she thought, "because he will never breathe again." This happened several times, and she only reacted with the same thought until the entire ringlet swayed back, and she thought she saw my chest rise. Her first feeling was one of terror; cold sweat appeared on her forehead. My eyes half-opened, and reassured, she nearly shouted, “He lives!” But the words were caught in her throat, and she fell to the floor with a groan.

Adrian was in the chamber. After long watching, he had unwillingly fallen into a sleep. He started up, and beheld his sister senseless on the earth, weltering in a stream of blood that gushed from her mouth. Encreasing signs of life in me in some degree explained her state; the surprise, the burst of joy, the revulsion of every sentiment, had been too much for her frame, worn by long months of care, late shattered by every species of woe and toil. She was now in far greater danger than I, the wheels and springs of my life, once again set in motion, acquired elasticity from their short suspension. For a long time, no one believed that I should indeed continue to live; during the reign of the plague upon earth, not one person, attacked by the grim disease, had recovered. My restoration was looked on as a deception; every moment it was expected that the evil symptoms would recur with redoubled violence, until confirmed convalescence, absence of all fever or pain, and encreasing strength, brought slow conviction that I had recovered from the plague.

Adrian was in the room. After watching for a long time, he had unwillingly fallen asleep. He suddenly woke up and saw his sister lying unconscious on the ground, surrounded by a pool of blood from her mouth. The increasing signs of life in me somewhat clarified her condition; the shock, the overwhelming joy, and the reversal of all her feelings had been too much for her body, which had already been worn down by months of worry and completely shattered by various kinds of suffering and hard work. She was now in much greater danger than I was; the gears and springs of my life, energized once more, regained their elasticity after a brief pause. For a long time, no one believed I would really survive; during the plague that ravaged the earth, not a single person infected with the horrible disease had recovered. My recovery was seen as an illusion; every moment, people expected the terrible symptoms to return with even greater force, until the undeniable evidence of my recovery—absence of all fever or pain, and growing strength—slowly convinced everyone that I had survived the plague.

The restoration of Idris was more problematical. When I had been attacked by illness, her cheeks were sunk, her form emaciated; but now, the vessel, which had broken from the effects of extreme agitation, did not entirely heal, but was as a channel that drop by drop drew from her the ruddy stream that vivified her heart. Her hollow eyes and worn countenance had a ghastly appearance; her cheek-bones, her open fair brow, the projection of the mouth, stood fearfully prominent; you might tell each bone in the thin anatomy of her frame. Her hand hung powerless; each joint lay bare, so that the light penetrated through and through. It was strange that life could exist in what was wasted and worn into a very type of death.

The restoration of Idris was more complicated. When I was sick, her cheeks were sunken, and her body was emaciated; but now, the vessel, which had broken from extreme agitation, didn't fully heal, but acted like a channel that slowly drained the red blood that sustained her heart. Her hollow eyes and tired face looked ghastly; her cheekbones, her exposed fair brow, and the shape of her mouth stood out in a terrifying way; you could see each bone in the thin structure of her body. Her hand hung limply; each joint was so exposed that light could pass straight through. It was strange that life could exist in someone so wasted and worn down, resembling a living embodiment of death.

To take her from these heart-breaking scenes, to lead her to forget the world’s desolation in the variety of objects presented by travelling, and to nurse her failing strength in the mild climate towards which we had resolved to journey, was my last hope for her preservation. The preparations for our departure, which had been suspended during my illness, were renewed. I did not revive to doubtful convalescence; health spent her treasures upon me; as the tree in spring may feel from its wrinkled limbs the fresh green break forth, and the living sap rise and circulate, so did the renewed vigour of my frame, the cheerful current of my blood, the new-born elasticity of my limbs, influence my mind to cheerful endurance and pleasurable thoughts. My body, late the heavy weight that bound me to the tomb, was exuberant with health; mere common exercises were insufficient for my reviving strength; methought I could emulate the speed of the race-horse, discern through the air objects at a blinding distance, hear the operations of nature in her mute abodes; my senses had become so refined and susceptible after my recovery from mortal disease.

To pull her away from these heart-wrenching scenes, to help her forget the world's despair by exposing her to the variety of experiences that travel offers, and to support her waning strength in the mild climate we had decided to head towards, was my last hope for her survival. The plans for our departure, which had been on hold during my illness, were picked up again. I didn’t just recover to a shaky health; I felt revitalized. Like a tree in spring feels fresh green buds breaking from its gnarled limbs and sees the life-giving sap rise and flow, I experienced a revival of energy, a joyful flow of blood, and a newfound springiness in my limbs that lifted my spirits, leading me to cheerful resilience and positive thoughts. My body, which had recently felt like the heavy weight dragging me towards the grave, was now bursting with health; ordinary physical activity wasn’t enough for my renewed strength; I felt like I could match the speed of a racehorse, perceive objects at astonishing distances, and hear the sounds of nature in her quiet corners; my senses had become so heightened and sensitive after recovering from a near-fatal illness.

Hope, among my other blessings, was not denied to me; and I did fondly trust that my unwearied attentions would restore my adored girl. I was therefore eager to forward our preparations. According to the plan first laid down, we were to have quitted London on the twenty-fifth of November; and, in pursuance of this scheme, two-thirds of our people—the people— all that remained of England, had gone forward, and had already been some weeks in Paris. First my illness, and subsequently that of Idris, had detained Adrian with his division, which consisted of three hundred persons, so that we now departed on the first of January, 2098. It was my wish to keep Idris as distant as possible from the hurry and clamour of the crowd, and to hide from her those appearances that would remind her most forcibly of our real situation. We separated ourselves to a great degree from Adrian, who was obliged to give his whole time to public business. The Countess of Windsor travelled with her son. Clara, Evelyn, and a female who acted as our attendant, were the only persons with whom we had contact. We occupied a commodious carriage, our servant officiated as coachman. A party of about twenty persons preceded us at a small distance. They had it in charge to prepare our halting places and our nightly abode. They had been selected for this service out of a great number that offered, on account of the superior sagacity of the man who had been appointed their leader.

Hope, along with my other blessings, wasn't taken away from me; and I sincerely believed that my relentless efforts would bring my beloved girl back to health. I was therefore excited to push our preparations forward. According to our original plan, we were supposed to leave London on November 25th; and to follow this plan, two-thirds of our group—all that was left of England—had already moved ahead and had been in Paris for several weeks. My illness, and later Idris's, had kept Adrian with his group, which had three hundred people, so we ended up leaving on January 1st, 2098. I wanted to keep Idris as far away as possible from the rush and noise of the crowd and to shield her from any reminders of our real situation. We distanced ourselves from Adrian, who had to dedicate his time to public matters. The Countess of Windsor traveled with her son. Clara, Evelyn, and a woman who acted as our attendant were the only people we interacted with. We had a spacious carriage, with our servant driving. A group of about twenty people went ahead of us at a short distance. They were responsible for preparing our stopping points and our lodgings for the night. They were chosen for this task from a large number of volunteers due to the exceptional insight of the man who had been appointed as their leader.

Immediately on our departure, I was delighted to find a change in Idris, which I fondly hoped prognosticated the happiest results. All the cheerfulness and gentle gaiety natural to her revived. She was weak, and this alteration was rather displayed in looks and voice than in acts; but it was permanent and real. My recovery from the plague and confirmed health instilled into her a firm belief that I was now secure from this dread enemy. She told me that she was sure she should recover. That she had a presentiment, that the tide of calamity which deluged our unhappy race had now turned. That the remnant would be preserved, and among them the dear objects of her tender affection; and that in some selected spot we should wear out our lives together in pleasant society. “Do not let my state of feebleness deceive you,” she said; “I feel that I am better; there is a quick life within me, and a spirit of anticipation that assures me, that I shall continue long to make a part of this world. I shall throw off this degrading weakness of body, which infects even my mind with debility, and I shall enter again on the performance of my duties. I was sorry to leave Windsor: but now I am weaned from this local attachment; I am content to remove to a mild climate, which will complete my recovery. Trust me, dearest, I shall neither leave you, nor my brother, nor these dear children; my firm determination to remain with you to the last, and to continue to contribute to your happiness and welfare, would keep me alive, even if grim death were nearer at hand than he really is.”

As soon as we left, I was really happy to see a change in Idris, which I hoped meant good things were coming. She regained all the cheerfulness and light-heartedness that were naturally hers. She was weak, and this change showed more in her appearance and voice than in her actions, but it was real and lasting. My recovery from the plague and improved health gave her a strong belief that I was now safe from this terrible threat. She told me she was sure she would get better. She had a feeling that the wave of misfortune that had overwhelmed our people had finally turned. She believed that the survivors would be saved, including the ones she cared about deeply, and that in some chosen place we would spend our lives together in happy company. “Don’t let my frail state fool you,” she said; “I can feel I’m getting better; there’s a new energy in me and an eagerness that tells me I’ll be around for a long time. I’m going to shake off this debilitating weakness that even affects my mind, and I’ll get back to doing my part. I was sad to leave Windsor, but I’ve moved past that attachment; I’m ready to go to a warmer place that will help me heal. Trust me, my love, I won’t leave you, nor my brother, nor these precious children; my strong desire to stay with you until the end and to keep bringing you joy and comfort will keep me going, even if death seems closer than it really is.”

I was only half re-assured by these expressions; I could not believe that the over-quick flow of her blood was a sign of health, or that her burning cheeks denoted convalescence. But I had no fears of an immediate catastrophe; nay, I persuaded myself that she would ultimately recover. And thus cheerfulness reigned in our little society. Idris conversed with animation on a thousand topics. Her chief desire was to lead our thoughts from melancholy reflections; so she drew charming pictures of a tranquil solitude, of a beauteous retreat, of the simple manners of our little tribe, and of the patriarchal brotherhood of love, which would survive the ruins of the populous nations which had lately existed. We shut out from our thoughts the present, and withdrew our eyes from the dreary landscape we traversed. Winter reigned in all its gloom. The leafless trees lay without motion against the dun sky; the forms of frost, mimicking the foliage of summer, strewed the ground; the paths were overgrown; the unploughed cornfields were patched with grass and weeds; the sheep congregated at the threshold of the cottage, the horned ox thrust his head from the window. The wind was bleak, and frequent sleet or snow-storms, added to the melancholy appearance wintry nature assumed.

I was only somewhat reassured by these comments; I couldn't believe that the rapid flow of her blood indicated good health or that her flushed cheeks meant she was recovering. But I wasn’t worried about an immediate disaster; in fact, I convinced myself that she would eventually get better. And so, cheerfulness filled our little community. Idris chatted animatedly about a thousand topics. Her main aim was to steer our thoughts away from gloomy reflections; she painted beautiful pictures of peaceful solitude, an idyllic retreat, the simple ways of our little group, and the loving brotherhood that would endure beyond the ruins of the once-thriving nations. We pushed aside thoughts of the present and turned our gaze away from the bleak landscape around us. Winter was in full gloom. The bare trees stood still against the gray sky; frost mimicked summer foliage scattered on the ground; the paths were overgrown; the unplowed cornfields were dotted with grass and weeds; sheep gathered at the cottage doorstep, and the ox peeked through the window. The wind was cold, and frequent sleet or snowstorms added to the miserable look of the wintry scene.

We arrived at Rochester, and an accident caused us to be detained there a day. During that time, a circumstance occurred that changed our plans, and which, alas! in its result changed the eternal course of events, turning me from the pleasant new sprung hope I enjoyed, to an obscure and gloomy desert. But I must give some little explanation before I proceed with the final cause of our temporary alteration of plan, and refer again to those times when man walked the earth fearless, before Plague had become Queen of the World.

We got to Rochester, and an accident made us stay there an extra day. During that time, something happened that changed our plans, and unfortunately, it ended up altering the course of events forever, shifting me from the bright new hope I had to a dark and desolate place. But I need to explain a bit before I dive into the main reason for our change of plans, and I want to go back to the times when people lived on Earth without fear, before the Plague had taken over the world.

There resided a family in the neighbourhood of Windsor, of very humble pretensions, but which had been an object of interest to us on account of one of the persons of whom it was composed. The family of the Claytons had known better days; but, after a series of reverses, the father died a bankrupt, and the mother heartbroken, and a confirmed invalid, retired with her five children to a little cottage between Eton and Salt Hill. The eldest of these children, who was thirteen years old, seemed at once from the influence of adversity, to acquire the sagacity and principle belonging to a more mature age. Her mother grew worse and worse in health, but Lucy attended on her, and was as a tender parent to her younger brothers and sisters, and in the meantime shewed herself so good-humoured, social, and benevolent, that she was beloved as well as honoured, in her little neighbourhood.

There lived a family in the Windsor area with very humble circumstances, but they caught our attention because of one member of the family. The Claytons had experienced better times; however, after a series of misfortunes, the father passed away bankrupt, and the mother, heartbroken and a long-term invalid, moved with her five children into a small cottage between Eton and Salt Hill. The eldest child, who was thirteen, seemed to gain the wisdom and sense of responsibility typically seen in older individuals due to their hardships. While her mother's health continued to decline, Lucy took care of her and acted as a caring parent to her younger siblings. Despite everything, she remained cheerful, friendly, and generous, earning her love and respect in their small community.

Lucy was besides extremely pretty; so when she grew to be sixteen, it was to be supposed, notwithstanding her poverty, that she should have admirers. One of these was the son of a country-curate; he was a generous, frank-hearted youth, with an ardent love of knowledge, and no mean acquirements. Though Lucy was untaught, her mother’s conversation and manners gave her a taste for refinements superior to her present situation. She loved the youth even without knowing it, except that in any difficulty she naturally turned to him for aid, and awoke with a lighter heart every Sunday, because she knew that she would be met and accompanied by him in her evening walk with her sisters. She had another admirer, one of the head-waiters at the inn at Salt Hill. He also was not without pretensions to urbane superiority, such as he learnt from gentlemen’s servants and waiting-maids, who initiating him in all the slang of high life below stairs, rendered his arrogant temper ten times more intrusive. Lucy did not disclaim him—she was incapable of that feeling; but she was sorry when she saw him approach, and quietly resisted all his endeavours to establish an intimacy. The fellow soon discovered that his rival was preferred to him; and this changed what was at first a chance admiration into a passion, whose main springs were envy, and a base desire to deprive his competitor of the advantage he enjoyed over himself.

Lucy was also extremely pretty, so when she turned sixteen, it was assumed that she would have admirers despite her poverty. One of these admirers was the son of a country curate; he was a kind, open-hearted young man with a strong love of knowledge and considerable skills. Although Lucy wasn’t formally educated, her mother’s conversation and demeanor gave her a taste for finer things beyond her current situation. She loved the young man without fully realizing it, except that in any difficulty, she naturally looked to him for help, and she felt happier every Sunday because she knew she’d walk with him and her sisters in the evening. She had another admirer as well, one of the head waiters at the inn at Salt Hill. He also had ideas of being sophisticated, learning from gentlemen’s servants and maids, picking up all the slang of high society below stairs, which made his arrogant attitude even more annoying. Lucy didn’t push him away—she didn’t have it in her to do that—but she felt uneasy when she saw him coming and quietly resisted all his attempts to get closer. The guy quickly figured out that his rival was preferred, and this turned what started as a casual admiration into an obsession fueled by jealousy and a petty desire to undermine his competitor's advantage.

Poor Lucy’s sad story was but a common one. Her lover’s father died; and he was left destitute. He accepted the offer of a gentleman to go to India with him, feeling secure that he should soon acquire an independence, and return to claim the hand of his beloved. He became involved in the war carried on there, was taken prisoner, and years elapsed before tidings of his existence were received in his native land. In the meantime disastrous poverty came on Lucy. Her little cottage, which stood looking from its trellice, covered with woodbine and jessamine, was burnt down; and the whole of their little property was included in the destruction. Whither betake them? By what exertion of industry could Lucy procure them another abode? Her mother nearly bed-rid, could not survive any extreme of famine-struck poverty. At this time her other admirer stept forward, and renewed his offer of marriage. He had saved money, and was going to set up a little inn at Datchet. There was nothing alluring to Lucy in this offer, except the home it secured to her mother; and she felt more sure of this, since she was struck by the apparent generosity which occasioned the present offer. She accepted it; thus sacrificing herself for the comfort and welfare of her parent.

Poor Lucy’s sad story was pretty common. Her lover’s father died, leaving him broke. He took a gentleman’s offer to go to India, thinking he would quickly gain independence and come back to marry Lucy. He got caught up in the war there, was taken prisoner, and years went by before anyone heard from him back home. During this time, Lucy fell into terrible poverty. Their little cottage, adorned with climbing vines and jasmine, was burned down, and all their possessions were lost. Where could they go? How could Lucy find them a new home? Her mother was almost bedridden and wouldn't survive extreme hunger. At that point, her other admirer stepped in and repeated his marriage proposal. He had saved up money and planned to open a small inn in Datchet. There wasn’t much about this offer that attracted Lucy, except that it would provide a home for her mother, and she felt more assured by the apparent generosity behind his proposal. She accepted it, sacrificing her own happiness for her parent’s comfort and well-being.

It was some years after her marriage that we became acquainted with her. The accident of a storm caused us to take refuge in the inn, where we witnessed the brutal and quarrelsome behaviour of her husband, and her patient endurance. Her lot was not a fortunate one. Her first lover had returned with the hope of making her his own, and met her by accident, for the first time, as the mistress of his country inn, and the wife of another. He withdrew despairingly to foreign parts; nothing went well with him; at last he enlisted, and came back again wounded and sick, and yet Lucy was debarred from nursing him. Her husband’s brutal disposition was aggravated by his yielding to the many temptations held out by his situation, and the consequent disarrangement of his affairs. Fortunately she had no children; but her heart was bound up in her brothers and sisters, and these his avarice and ill temper soon drove from the house; they were dispersed about the country, earning their livelihood with toil and care. He even shewed an inclination to get rid of her mother—but Lucy was firm here—she had sacrificed herself for her; she lived for her —she would not part with her—if the mother went, she would also go beg bread for her, die with her, but never desert her. The presence of Lucy was too necessary in keeping up the order of the house, and in preventing the whole establishment from going to wreck, for him to permit her to leave him. He yielded the point; but in all accesses of anger, or in his drunken fits, he recurred to the old topic, and stung poor Lucy’s heart by opprobrious epithets bestowed on her parent.

It was several years after her marriage that we got to know her. A storm forced us to take shelter in the inn, where we witnessed her husband’s abusive and argumentative behavior, and her quiet endurance. Her situation was unfortunate. Her first love returned, hoping to win her back, and met her by chance as the owner of the inn and the wife of another man. He left, heartbroken, for foreign lands; nothing went well for him, and eventually he enlisted, returning wounded and ill, yet Lucy was unable to care for him. Her husband’s cruel nature worsened as he succumbed to the many temptations presented by his lifestyle, leading to a mess in their lives. Luckily, she had no children, but her heart was tied to her siblings, who his greed and bad temper soon drove away; they scattered across the country, struggling to make a living. He even showed a desire to rid himself of her mother—but Lucy was resolute—she had sacrificed for her mother; she lived for her—she would not abandon her—if her mother left, she would go with her, beg for food, die with her, but never leave her. Lucy’s presence was too crucial in maintaining order in the house and preventing everything from falling apart, so he couldn't let her go. He gave in on that point; but whenever he was angry or drunk, he would return to the old topic and hurt Lucy’s feelings with insults aimed at her mother.

A passion however, if it be wholly pure, entire, and reciprocal, brings with it its own solace. Lucy was truly, and from the depth of heart, devoted to her mother; the sole end she proposed to herself in life, was the comfort and preservation of this parent. Though she grieved for the result, yet she did not repent of her marriage, even when her lover returned to bestow competence on her. Three years had intervened, and how, in their pennyless state, could her mother have existed during this time? This excellent woman was worthy of her child’s devotion. A perfect confidence and friendship existed between them; besides, she was by no means illiterate; and Lucy, whose mind had been in some degree cultivated by her former lover, now found in her the only person who could understand and appreciate her. Thus, though suffering, she was by no means desolate, and when, during fine summer days, she led her mother into the flowery and shady lanes near their abode, a gleam of unmixed joy enlightened her countenance; she saw that her parent was happy, and she knew that this happiness was of her sole creating.

A passion, when it's completely pure, whole, and mutual, brings its own comfort. Lucy was genuinely and wholeheartedly devoted to her mother; the only goal she set for herself in life was to care for and protect this parent. Although she felt sadness over the outcome, she never regretted her marriage, even when her lover came back to offer her financial stability. Three years had passed, and how could her mother have survived during this time without money? This wonderful woman deserved her child’s devotion. There was a deep trust and friendship between them; plus, she wasn’t at all uneducated; and Lucy, whose mind had been somewhat shaped by her past lover, now found in her the only person who truly understood and appreciated her. So, even while she was suffering, she didn’t feel alone, and when, on beautiful summer days, she took her mother into the flowery and shady paths near their home, a spark of pure joy lit up her face; she saw that her mother was happy, and she knew that this happiness was entirely of her making.

Meanwhile her husband’s affairs grew more and more involved; ruin was near at hand, and she was about to lose the fruit of all her labours, when pestilence came to change the aspect of the world. Her husband reaped benefit from the universal misery; but, as the disaster encreased, the spirit of lawlessness seized him; he deserted his home to revel in the luxuries promised him in London, and found there a grave. Her former lover had been one of the first victims of the disease. But Lucy continued to live for and in her mother. Her courage only failed when she dreaded peril for her parent, or feared that death might prevent her from performing those duties to which she was unalterably devoted.

Meanwhile, her husband’s affairs became more and more complicated; ruin was just around the corner, and she was about to lose everything she had worked for when a plague came to change the world. Her husband benefited from the widespread suffering; but, as the disaster grew, he became reckless, abandoning their home to indulge in the luxuries promised to him in London, where he ultimately met his end. Her former lover had been one of the first victims of the disease. But Lucy continued to live for and through her mother. Her courage only faltered when she feared for her mother’s safety or worried that death might prevent her from fulfilling her unwavering duties.

When we had quitted Windsor for London, as the previous step to our final emigration, we visited Lucy, and arranged with her the plan of her own and her mother’s removal. Lucy was sorry at the necessity which forced her to quit her native lanes and village, and to drag an infirm parent from her comforts at home, to the homeless waste of depopulate earth; but she was too well disciplined by adversity, and of too sweet a temper, to indulge in repinings at what was inevitable.

When we left Windsor for London, as the next step towards our final move, we visited Lucy and worked out the plan for her and her mother's relocation. Lucy was upset about having to leave her familiar paths and village and to take her frail parent away from the comfort of home to a desolate and empty land; however, she had been shaped by hardship and had such a kind spirit that she didn’t dwell on what couldn’t be changed.

Subsequent circumstances, my illness and that of Idris, drove her from our remembrance; and we called her to mind at last, only to conclude that she made one of the few who came from Windsor to join the emigrants, and that she was already in Paris. When we arrived at Rochester therefore, we were surprised to receive, by a man just come from Slough, a letter from this exemplary sufferer. His account was, that, journeying from his home, and passing through Datchet, he was surprised to see smoke issue from the chimney of the inn, and supposing that he should find comrades for his journey assembled there, he knocked and was admitted. There was no one in the house but Lucy, and her mother; the latter had been deprived of the use of her limbs by an attack of rheumatism, and so, one by one, all the remaining inhabitants of the country set forward, leaving them alone. Lucy intreated the man to stay with her; in a week or two her mother would be better, and they would then set out; but they must perish, if they were left thus helpless and forlorn. The man said, that his wife and children were already among the emigrants, and it was therefore, according to his notion, impossible for him to remain. Lucy, as a last resource, gave him a letter for Idris, to be delivered to her wherever he should meet us. This commission at least he fulfilled, and Idris received with emotion the following letter:—

Subsequent events, my illness and Idris’s, caused her to fade from our thoughts; we only remembered her eventually, concluding that she was one of the few who left Windsor to join the emigrants, and that she was already in Paris. So when we arrived in Rochester, we were surprised to receive a letter from this remarkable person, delivered by a man just coming from Slough. He explained that while traveling from his home and passing through Datchet, he was surprised to see smoke coming from the inn’s chimney. Thinking he might find fellow travelers there, he knocked and was let in. The only people present were Lucy and her mother; her mother had lost the use of her limbs due to rheumatism, and one by one, all the other residents had left them alone. Lucy pleaded with the man to stay with her; in a week or two, her mother would improve, and they could then leave. But they would perish if left so helpless and abandoned. The man said that his wife and kids were already among the emigrants, so he believed it was impossible for him to stay. As a last resort, Lucy gave him a letter for Idris, asking him to deliver it wherever he found us. He did fulfill this task, and Idris received with emotion the following letter:—

“HONOURED LADY,

“Honored Lady,”

“I am sure that you will remember and pity me, and I dare hope that you will assist me; what other hope have I? Pardon my manner of writing, I am so bewildered. A month ago my dear mother was deprived of the use of her limbs. She is already better, and in another month would I am sure be able to travel, in the way you were so kind as to say you would arrange for us. But now everybody is gone—everybody—as they went away, each said, that perhaps my mother would be better, before we were quite deserted. But three days ago I went to Samuel Woods, who, on account of his new-born child, remained to the last; and there being a large family of them, I thought I could persuade them to wait a little longer for us; but I found the house deserted. I have not seen a soul since, till this good man came. —What will become of us? My mother does not know our state; she is so ill, that I have hidden it from her.

“I’m sure you’ll remember and feel sorry for me, and I hope you’ll help me; what other hope do I have? I apologize for how I’m writing; I’m so confused. A month ago, my dear mother lost the use of her limbs. She’s already improving, and I’m sure that in another month she’ll be able to travel, just like you kindly said you would help arrange for us. But now everyone is gone—everyone—when they left, they each said they hoped my mother would get better before we were completely alone. Three days ago, I went to Samuel Woods, who stayed until the end because of his newborn child; since there are so many of them, I thought I could convince them to wait a little longer for us, but I found the house empty. I haven’t seen anyone since, until this good man showed up. —What will happen to us? My mother doesn’t know our situation; she’s so sick that I’ve kept it from her.

“Will you not send some one to us? I am sure we must perish miserably as we are. If I were to try to move my mother now, she would die on the road; and if, when she gets better, I were able, I cannot guess how, to find out the roads, and get on so many many miles to the sea, you would all be in France, and the great ocean would be between us, which is so terrible even to sailors. What would it be to me, a woman, who never saw it? We should be imprisoned by it in this country, all, all alone, with no help; better die where we are. I can hardly write—I cannot stop my tears—it is not for myself; I could put my trust in God; and let the worst come, I think I could bear it, if I were alone. But my mother, my sick, my dear, dear mother, who never, since I was born, spoke a harsh word to me, who has been patient in many sufferings; pity her, dear Lady, she must die a miserable death if you do not pity her. People speak carelessly of her, because she is old and infirm, as if we must not all, if we are spared, become so; and then, when the young are old themselves, they will think that they ought to be taken care of. It is very silly of me to write in this way to you; but, when I hear her trying not to groan, and see her look smiling on me to comfort me, when I know she is in pain; and when I think that she does not know the worst, but she soon must; and then she will not complain; but I shall sit guessing at all that she is dwelling upon, of famine and misery—I feel as if my heart must break, and I do not know what I say or do; my mother—mother for whom I have borne much, God preserve you from this fate! Preserve her, Lady, and He will bless you; and I, poor miserable creature as I am, will thank you and pray for you while I live.

“Will you please send someone to us? I know we’re going to suffer terribly as we are. If I tried to move my mother now, she would die on the way; and if she gets better, I can't even imagine how I'd find the roads and travel so many miles to the sea. By then, you would all be in France, and the vast ocean would be between us, which is frightening even for sailors. What would it mean for me, a woman who has never seen it? We’d be trapped here, all alone, with no help; it’s better to die where we are. I can barely write—I can’t stop crying—it’s not for myself; I could put my faith in God; and whatever happens, I think I could handle it if I were alone. But my mother, my sick, dear mother, who has never spoken harshly to me since I was born, who has endured so much suffering; have compassion on her, dear Lady, or she will die a miserable death if you don’t help her. People talk carelessly about her because she is old and frail, as if we won’t all become that way ourselves if we’re fortunate enough to live; and when the young grow old, they’ll expect to be taken care of too. It’s foolish of me to write this to you; but when I hear her trying not to groan, and see her smile at me to comfort me while I know she’s in pain; and when I realize she doesn’t know how bad things really are, but soon will; and then she won’t complain, but I will sit here worrying about all she’s thinking of—hunger and misery—I feel like my heart might break, and I don’t know what I’m saying or doing; my mother—mother for whom I’ve suffered so much, God protect you from this fate! Save her, Lady, and He will bless you; and I, as miserable as I am, will thank you and pray for you all my life.

“Your unhappy and dutiful servant,
LUCY MARTIN.”
Dec. 30th, 2097.

“Your unhappy and devoted servant,
LUCY MARTIN.”
Dec. 30th, 2097.

This letter deeply affected Idris, and she instantly proposed, that we should return to Datchet, to assist Lucy and her mother. I said that I would without delay set out for that place, but entreated her to join her brother, and there await my return with the children. But Idris was in high spirits, and full of hope. She declared that she could not consent even to a temporary separation from me, but that there was no need of this, the motion of the carriage did her good, and the distance was too trifling to be considered. We could dispatch messengers to Adrian, to inform him of our deviation from the original plan. She spoke with vivacity, and drew a picture after her own dear heart, of the pleasure we should bestow upon Lucy, and declared, if I went, she must accompany me, and that she should very much dislike to entrust the charge of rescuing them to others, who might fulfil it with coldness or inhumanity. Lucy’s life had been one act of devotion and virtue; let her now reap the small reward of finding her excellence appreciated, and her necessity assisted, by those whom she respected and honoured.

This letter really hit Idris hard, and she immediately suggested that we should go back to Datchet to help Lucy and her mom. I said I would head there right away, but I urged her to join her brother and wait for me with the kids. However, Idris was in high spirits and full of hope. She insisted she couldn't agree to even a temporary separation from me, but that it wasn't necessary; the movement of the carriage made her feel better, and the distance wasn't significant enough to worry about. We could send messengers to Adrian to let him know we were changing our plans. She spoke passionately, painting a picture of the joy we would bring Lucy, and insisted that if I went, she would come with me. She really didn't want to leave the responsibility of helping them to others who might do it without compassion or care. Lucy's life had been filled with selflessness and goodness; she deserved the small reward of having her worth recognized and her needs met by those she respected and admired.

These, and many other arguments, were urged with gentle pertinacity, and the ardour of a wish to do all the good in her power, by her whose simple expression of a desire and slightest request had ever been a law with me. I, of course, consented, the moment that I saw that she had set her heart upon this step. We sent half our attendant troop on to Adrian; and with the other half our carriage took a retrograde course back to Windsor.

These arguments, along with many others, were presented with gentle persistence and a strong desire to do all the good she could by someone whose simple wishes and small requests had always been important to me. Naturally, I agreed as soon as I realized she was determined about this decision. We sent half of our group ahead to Adrian, and with the other half, our carriage took a backward route back to Windsor.

I wonder now how I could be so blind and senseless, as thus to risk the safety of Idris; for, if I had eyes, surely I could see the sure, though deceitful, advance of death in her burning cheek and encreasing weakness. But she said she was better; and I believed her. Extinction could not be near a being, whose vivacity and intelligence hourly encreased, and whose frame was endowed with an intense, and I fondly thought, a strong and permanent spirit of life. Who, after a great disaster, has not looked back with wonder at his inconceivable obtuseness of understanding, that could not perceive the many minute threads with which fate weaves the inextricable net of our destinies, until he is inmeshed completely in it?

I wonder now how I could have been so blind and clueless to risk Idris's safety; if I had been paying attention, I would have seen the clear, though deceptive, signs of death in her flushed cheeks and increasing weakness. But she said she was feeling better, and I believed her. How could death be near someone whose liveliness and intelligence seemed to grow stronger every hour, and whose body was filled with what I naively thought was a strong and lasting spirit of life? Who hasn’t, after a major disaster, looked back in disbelief at their own shocking lack of understanding, unable to see the many tiny threads with which fate weaves the tangled net of our destinies, until they find themselves completely trapped in it?

The cross roads which we now entered upon, were even in a worse state than the long neglected high-ways; and the inconvenience seemed to menace the perishing frame of Idris with destruction. Passing through Dartford, we arrived at Hampton on the second day. Even in this short interval my beloved companion grew sensibly worse in health, though her spirits were still light, and she cheered my growing anxiety with gay sallies; sometimes the thought pierced my brain—Is she dying?—as I saw her fair fleshless hand rest on mine, or observed the feebleness with which she performed the accustomed acts of life. I drove away the idea, as if it had been suggested by insanity; but it occurred again and again, only to be dispelled by the continued liveliness of her manner.

The crossroads we entered were in an even worse condition than the long-neglected highways, and the inconvenience threatened to completely break down Idris's weak frame. After passing through Dartford, we reached Hampton on the second day. Even in this short time, my beloved companion's health noticeably declined, though her spirits remained high, and she kept my growing anxiety at bay with cheerful remarks. Sometimes, the troubling thought struck me—Is she dying?—as I saw her delicate, bony hand resting on mine or noticed how weakly she went about her usual tasks. I tried to dismiss the idea, telling myself it was a sign of madness to think such things; yet it kept returning, only to be pushed away again by her persistent liveliness.

About mid-day, after quitting Hampton, our carriage broke down: the shock caused Idris to faint, but on her reviving no other ill consequence ensued; our party of attendants had as usual gone on before us, and our coachman went in search of another vehicle, our former one being rendered by this accident unfit for service. The only place near us was a poor village, in which he found a kind of caravan, able to hold four people, but it was clumsy and ill hung; besides this he found a very excellent cabriolet: our plan was soon arranged; I would drive Idris in the latter; while the children were conveyed by the servant in the former. But these arrangements cost time; we had agreed to proceed that night to Windsor, and thither our purveyors had gone: we should find considerable difficulty in getting accommodation, before we reached this place; after all, the distance was only ten miles; my horse was a good one; I would go forward at a good pace with Idris, leaving the children to follow at a rate more consonant to the uses of their cumberous machine.

Around midday, after leaving Hampton, our carriage broke down: the jolt caused Idris to faint, but when she came to, there were no other ill effects; our group of attendants had already gone ahead of us, and our coachman went to find another vehicle since the previous one was no longer usable due to this incident. The only nearby place was a small village, where he found a type of carriage that could fit four people, but it was awkward and poorly designed; in addition, he discovered a much better cabriolet. We quickly made our plan: I would drive Idris in the latter while the servant took the children in the former. However, these arrangements took time; we had intended to get to Windsor that night, and our suppliers had already gone ahead. It would be quite difficult to find accommodation before we reached there; still, it was only ten miles away; my horse was reliable; I would head out at a good pace with Idris, leaving the children to follow at a speed more suitable for their cumbersome vehicle.

Evening closed in quickly, far more quickly than I was prepared to expect. At the going down of the sun it began to snow heavily. I attempted in vain to defend my beloved companion from the storm; the wind drove the snow in our faces; and it lay so high on the ground, that we made but small way; while the night was so dark, that but for the white covering on the ground we should not have been able to see a yard before us. We had left our accompanying caravan far behind us; and now I perceived that the storm had made me unconsciously deviate from my intended route. I had gone some miles out of my way. My knowledge of the country enabled me to regain the right road; but, instead of going, as at first agreed upon, by a cross road through Stanwell to Datchet, I was obliged to take the way of Egham and Bishopgate. It was certain therefore that I should not be rejoined by the other vehicle, that I should not meet a single fellow-creature till we arrived at Windsor.

Evening fell quickly, much faster than I expected. As the sun went down, it started snowing heavily. I tried in vain to protect my dear companion from the storm; the wind blew the snow into our faces, and it piled up so high on the ground that we barely made any progress. The night was so dark that if it weren't for the white snow covering the ground, we wouldn't have been able to see a yard ahead of us. We had left our caravan far behind, and I realized that the storm had caused me to unknowingly stray from my planned route. I had gone several miles off track. My knowledge of the area helped me find the right path again, but instead of taking the cross road through Stanwell to Datchet as we originally agreed, I had to go through Egham and Bishopgate. So, it was clear that I wouldn’t be rejoined by the other vehicle, and I wouldn’t meet anyone else until we reached Windsor.

The back of our carriage was drawn up, and I hung a pelisse before it, thus to curtain the beloved sufferer from the pelting sleet. She leaned on my shoulder, growing every moment more languid and feeble; at first she replied to my words of cheer with affectionate thanks; but by degrees she sunk into silence; her head lay heavily upon me; I only knew that she lived by her irregular breathing and frequent sighs. For a moment I resolved to stop, and, opposing the back of the cabriolet to the force of the tempest, to expect morning as well as I might. But the wind was bleak and piercing, while the occasional shudderings of my poor Idris, and the intense cold I felt myself, demonstrated that this would be a dangerous experiment. At length methought she slept—fatal sleep, induced by frost: at this moment I saw the heavy outline of a cottage traced on the dark horizon close to us: “Dearest love,” I said, “support yourself but one moment, and we shall have shelter; let us stop here, that I may open the door of this blessed dwelling.”

The back of our carriage was pulled up, and I hung a coat over it to protect my beloved from the pouring sleet. She leaned on my shoulder, getting more and more tired and weak with every moment. At first, she responded to my encouraging words with heartfelt thanks, but gradually, she fell silent. Her head rested heavily on me; I could tell she was alive only by her uneven breathing and frequent sighs. For a moment, I thought about stopping and bracing the back of the cabriolet against the force of the storm, hoping to wait for morning as best I could. But the wind was cold and biting, and the occasional shivers from my poor Idris, along with the intense cold I felt myself, showed that this would be a risky choice. Finally, I thought she had fallen asleep—a dangerous sleep brought on by the cold. At that moment, I spotted the outline of a cottage against the dark horizon nearby. “Dearest love,” I said, “hold on for just a moment, and we'll have shelter; let’s stop here so I can open the door of this welcome home.”

As I spoke, my heart was transported, and my senses swam with excessive delight and thankfulness; I placed the head of Idris against the carriage, and, leaping out, scrambled through the snow to the cottage, whose door was open. I had apparatus about me for procuring light, and that shewed me a comfortable room, with a pile of wood in one corner, and no appearance of disorder, except that, the door having been left partly open, the snow, drifting in, had blocked up the threshold. I returned to the carriage, and the sudden change from light to darkness at first blinded me. When I recovered my sight—eternal God of this lawless world! O supreme Death! I will not disturb thy silent reign, or mar my tale with fruitless exclamations of horror—I saw Idris, who had fallen from the seat to the bottom of the carriage; her head, its long hair pendent, with one arm, hung over the side.—Struck by a spasm of horror, I lifted her up; her heart was pulseless, her faded lips unfanned by the slightest breath.

As I spoke, my heart soared, and I was overwhelmed with joy and gratitude; I leaned Idris’s head against the carriage and jumped out, struggling through the snow to the cottage, which had its door ajar. I had equipment with me to make light, and it revealed a cozy room, with a stack of firewood in one corner, and no signs of mess, except that the door being left partly open had allowed the snow to pile up at the threshold. I went back to the carriage, and the sudden shift from light to darkness blinded me at first. When my vision came back—oh, eternal God of this chaotic world! Oh, supreme Death! I won’t disrupt your silent rule or tarnish my story with pointless screams of horror—I saw Idris, who had fallen from the seat to the bottom of the carriage; her head, with its long hair hanging down, and one arm resting over the side. Struck by a wave of horror, I lifted her up; her heart was still, her pale lips untouched by the faintest breath.

I carried her into the cottage; I placed her on the bed. Lighting a fire, I chafed her stiffening limbs; for two long hours I sought to restore departed life; and, when hope was as dead as my beloved, I closed with trembling hands her glazed eyes. I did not doubt what I should now do. In the confusion attendant on my illness, the task of interring our darling Alfred had devolved on his grandmother, the Ex-Queen, and she, true to her ruling passion, had caused him to be carried to Windsor, and buried in the family vault, in St. George’s Chapel. I must proceed to Windsor, to calm the anxiety of Clara, who would wait anxiously for us—yet I would fain spare her the heart-breaking spectacle of Idris, brought in by me lifeless from the journey. So first I would place my beloved beside her child in the vault, and then seek the poor children who would be expecting me.

I carried her into the cottage and laid her on the bed. After starting a fire, I rubbed her stiffening limbs for two long hours, trying to bring her back to life. When all hope was gone, just like my beloved, I gently closed her lifeless eyes. I knew exactly what I needed to do. During my illness, the responsibility of burying our dear Alfred had fallen on his grandmother, the Ex-Queen. Staying true to her nature, she had him taken to Windsor and laid to rest in the family vault at St. George’s Chapel. I needed to head to Windsor to ease Clara’s worry; she would be waiting anxiously for us. However, I wanted to spare her the heartbreaking sight of Idris being brought in by me, lifeless from our journey. So first, I would lay my beloved next to her child in the vault, and then go find the poor kids who were expecting me.

I lighted the lamps of my carriage; I wrapt her in furs, and placed her along the seat; then taking the reins, made the horses go forward. We proceeded through the snow, which lay in masses impeding the way, while the descending flakes, driving against me with redoubled fury, blinded me. The pain occasioned by the angry elements, and the cold iron of the shafts of frost which buffetted me, and entered my aching flesh, were a relief to me; blunting my mental suffering. The horses staggered on, and the reins hung loosely in my hands. I often thought I would lay my head close to the sweet, cold face of my lost angel, and thus resign myself to conquering torpor. Yet I must not leave her a prey to the fowls of the air; but, in pursuance of my determination place her in the tomb of her forefathers, where a merciful God might permit me to rest also.

I lit the lamps on my carriage, wrapped her in furs, and laid her down on the seat. Then, taking the reins, I urged the horses forward. We moved through the deep snow, which piled up and blocked our way, while the falling flakes hit me with increased force, blinding me. The pain from the harsh weather and the biting cold of the frost that struck me and pierced my aching body provided some relief, dulling my mental anguish. The horses staggered on, and the reins hung loosely in my hands. I often thought about resting my head next to the sweet, cold face of my lost angel, letting myself fall into a peaceful numbness. Yet I couldn’t leave her vulnerable to scavengers; instead, I resolved to place her in the tomb of her ancestors, where I hoped a merciful God would allow me to find rest as well.

The road we passed through Egham was familiar to me; but the wind and snow caused the horses to drag their load slowly and heavily. Suddenly the wind veered from south-west to west, and then again to north-west. As Sampson with tug and strain stirred from their bases the columns that supported the Philistine temple, so did the gale shake the dense vapours propped on the horizon, while the massy dome of clouds fell to the south, disclosing through the scattered web the clear empyrean, and the little stars, which were set at an immeasurable distance in the crystalline fields, showered their small rays on the glittering snow. Even the horses were cheered, and moved on with renovated strength. We entered the forest at Bishopgate, and at the end of the Long Walk I saw the Castle, “the proud Keep of Windsor, rising in the majesty of proportion, girt with the double belt of its kindred and coeval towers.” I looked with reverence on a structure, ancient almost as the rock on which it stood, abode of kings, theme of admiration for the wise. With greater reverence and, tearful affection I beheld it as the asylum of the long lease of love I had enjoyed there with the perishable, unmatchable treasure of dust, which now lay cold beside me. Now indeed, I could have yielded to all the softness of my nature, and wept; and, womanlike, have uttered bitter plaints; while the familiar trees, the herds of living deer, the sward oft prest by her fairy-feet, one by one with sad association presented themselves. The white gate at the end of the Long Walk was wide open, and I rode up the empty town through the first gate of the feudal tower; and now St. George’s Chapel, with its blackened fretted sides, was right before me. I halted at its door, which was open; I entered, and placed my lighted lamp on the altar; then I returned, and with tender caution I bore Idris up the aisle into the chancel, and laid her softly down on the carpet which covered the step leading to the communion table. The banners of the knights of the garter, and their half drawn swords, were hung in vain emblazonry above the stalls. The banner of her family hung there, still surmounted by its regal crown. Farewell to the glory and heraldry of England!—I turned from such vanity with a slight feeling of wonder, at how mankind could have ever been interested in such things. I bent over the lifeless corpse of my beloved; and, while looking on her uncovered face, the features already contracted by the rigidity of death, I felt as if all the visible universe had grown as soulless, inane, and comfortless as the clay-cold image beneath me. I felt for a moment the intolerable sense of struggle with, and detestation for, the laws which govern the world; till the calm still visible on the face of my dead love recalled me to a more soothing tone of mind, and I proceeded to fulfil the last office that could now be paid her. For her I could not lament, so much I envied her enjoyment of “the sad immunities of the grave.”

The road we took through Egham was familiar to me, but the wind and snow made the horses pull their load slowly and heavily. Suddenly, the wind shifted from southwest to west, then again to northwest. Just as Sampson, straining and struggling, moved the pillars that supported the Philistine temple, the gale shook the thick clouds sitting on the horizon, while the heavy dome of clouds drifted to the south, revealing the clear sky and the small stars that sparkled from vast distances in the crystal fields, showering their faint light on the glittering snow. Even the horses felt more energized and moved on with renewed strength. We entered the forest at Bishopgate, and at the end of the Long Walk, I saw the Castle, “the proud Keep of Windsor, rising in the majesty of proportion, surrounded by the double belt of its kindred and coeval towers.” I gazed in awe at this ancient structure, almost as old as the rock it stood on, a home for kings, admired by the wise. With even deeper respect and tearful affection, I saw it as the place of the long-lasting love I had experienced there with the irreplaceable treasure, now lying cold beside me. Now, I could have given in to my emotions and wept; like a woman, I might have voiced bitter laments while the familiar trees, the herds of living deer, and the ground often touched by her fairy-like footsteps, appeared one by one with sad memories. The white gate at the end of the Long Walk was wide open, and I rode through the empty town toward the first gate of the feudal tower; now St. George’s Chapel, with its darkened, intricate sides, was right before me. I paused at its open door, entered, and placed my lit lamp on the altar; then I returned and gently carried Idris up the aisle into the chancel, laying her softly on the carpet covering the step leading to the communion table. The banners of the knights of the garter, with their half-drawn swords, hung there in vain display above the stalls. Her family’s banner hung there, still topped with its regal crown. Farewell to the glory and heraldry of England!—I turned away from such vanity with a slight sense of wonder at how humanity could ever find interest in such things. I leaned over the lifeless body of my beloved, and while I looked at her uncovered face, the features already stiff with death, I felt as if the entire visible universe had become as soulless, empty, and comfortless as the cold figure beneath me. For a moment, I struggled with and detested the laws that govern the world; until the calm stillness on my dead love’s face brought me back to a more soothing mindset, and I moved to perform the last act of love I could offer her. I couldn’t lament for her, as I envied her peace in the “sad immunities of the grave.”

The vault had been lately opened to place our Alfred therein. The ceremony customary in these latter days had been cursorily performed, and the pavement of the chapel, which was its entrance, having been removed, had not been replaced. I descended the steps, and walked through the long passage to the large vault which contained the kindred dust of my Idris. I distinguished the small coffin of my babe. With hasty, trembling hands I constructed a bier beside it, spreading it with the furs and Indian shawls, which had wrapt Idris in her journey thither. I lighted the glimmering lamp, which flickered in this damp abode of the dead; then I bore my lost one to her last bed, decently composing her limbs, and covering them with a mantle, veiling all except her face, which remained lovely and placid. She appeared to rest like one over-wearied, her beauteous eyes steeped in sweet slumber. Yet, so it was not—she was dead! How intensely I then longed to lie down beside her, to gaze till death should gather me to the same repose.

The vault had recently been opened to place our Alfred inside. The usual ceremony had been quickly done, and the floor of the chapel, which served as the entrance, had been taken up but not replaced. I went down the steps and walked through the long passage to the large vault that held the remains of my Idris. I spotted the small coffin of my baby. With shaky, hurried hands, I made a bier next to it, laying it with the furs and Indian shawls that had wrapped Idris on her journey here. I lit the flickering lamp, which barely lit this damp resting place for the dead; then I laid my lost one to her final rest, gently arranging her limbs and covering them with a mantle, leaving only her face exposed, which looked serene and beautiful. She seemed to be resting like someone who was simply exhausted, her lovely eyes closed in peaceful slumber. But that was not the case—she was dead! How deeply I then wished to lie down next to her, to gaze until death would take me to the same peace.

But death does not come at the bidding of the miserable. I had lately recovered from mortal illness, and my blood had never flowed with such an even current, nor had my limbs ever been so instinct with quick life, as now. I felt that my death must be voluntary. Yet what more natural than famine, as I watched in this chamber of mortality, placed in a world of the dead, beside the lost hope of my life? Meanwhile as I looked on her, the features, which bore a sisterly resemblance to Adrian, brought my thoughts back again to the living, to this dear friend, to Clara, and to Evelyn, who were probably now in Windsor, waiting anxiously for our arrival.

But death doesn't respond to the wishes of the unhappy. I had just recovered from a serious illness, and my blood had never run so steadily, nor had my body felt so full of life as it does now. I realized that my death would have to be my own choice. Yet, what could be more natural than hunger, as I sat in this room of dying, surrounded by a world of the dead, next to the lost hope of my life? Meanwhile, as I looked at her, her features, resembling those of Adrian, drew my thoughts back to the living—to this dear friend, Clara, and Evelyn, who were likely now in Windsor, anxiously waiting for us to arrive.

Methought I heard a noise, a step in the far chapel, which was re-echoed by its vaulted roof, and borne to me through the hollow passages. Had Clara seen my carriage pass up the town, and did she seek me here? I must save her at least from the horrible scene the vault presented. I sprung up the steps, and then saw a female figure, bent with age, and clad in long mourning robes, advance through the dusky chapel, supported by a slender cane, yet tottering even with this support. She heard me, and looked up; the lamp I held illuminated my figure, and the moon-beams, struggling through the painted glass, fell upon her face, wrinkled and gaunt, yet with a piercing eye and commanding brow—I recognized the Countess of Windsor. With a hollow voice she asked, “Where is the princess?”

I thought I heard a noise, a footstep in the distant chapel, echoed by its high ceiling, and carried to me through the empty hallways. Had Clara seen my carriage go by in town, and was she looking for me here? I had to protect her from the horrible scene the vault showed. I rushed up the steps and then saw an elderly woman, hunched over and dressed in long mourning attire, moving through the dim chapel, leaning on a thin cane but still barely able to stand. She heard me and looked up; the lamp I held lit up my figure, and the moonlight, struggling through the stained glass, fell on her face, wrinkled and gaunt, yet with a sharp gaze and authoritative brow—I recognized the Countess of Windsor. In a hollow voice, she asked, “Where is the princess?”

I pointed to the torn up pavement: she walked to the spot, and looked down into the palpable darkness; for the vault was too distant for the rays of the small lamp I had left there to be discernible.

I pointed to the shattered pavement: she walked over to the spot and looked down into the obvious darkness; the vault was too far away for the light from the small lamp I'd left there to be noticeable.

“Your light,” she said. I gave it her; and she regarded the now visible, but precipitous steps, as if calculating her capacity to descend. Instinctively I made a silent offer of my assistance. She motioned me away with a look of scorn, saying in an harsh voice, as she pointed downwards, “There at least I may have her undisturbed.”

“Your light,” she said. I handed it to her; and she looked at the now visible, but steep steps, as if figuring out how she could go down. Instinctively, I silently offered my help. She dismissed me with a scornful look, saying in a harsh voice, as she pointed downwards, “There at least I can have her without being interrupted.”

She walked deliberately down, while I, overcome, miserable beyond words, or tears, or groans, threw myself on the pavement near—the stiffening form of Idris was before me, the death-struck countenance hushed in eternal repose beneath. That was to me the end of all! The day before, I had figured to my self various adventures, and communion with my friends in after time—now I had leapt the interval, and reached the utmost edge and bourne of life. Thus wrapt in gloom, enclosed, walled up, vaulted over by the omnipotent present, I was startled by the sound of feet on the steps of the tomb, and I remembered her whom I had utterly forgotten, my angry visitant; her tall form slowly rose upwards from the vault, a living statue, instinct with hate, and human, passionate strife: she seemed to me as having reached the pavement of the aisle; she stood motionless, seeking with her eyes alone, some desired object—till, perceiving me close to her, she placed her wrinkled hand on my arm, exclaiming with tremulous accents, “Lionel Verney, my son!” This name, applied at such a moment by my angel’s mother, instilled into me more respect than I had ever before felt for this disdainful lady. I bowed my head, and kissed her shrivelled hand, and, remarking that she trembled violently, supported her to the end of the chancel, where she sat on the steps that led to the regal stall. She suffered herself to be led, and still holding my hand, she leaned her head back against the stall, while the moon beams, tinged with various colours by the painted glass, fell on her glistening eyes; aware of her weakness, again calling to mind her long cherished dignity, she dashed the tears away; yet they fell fast, as she said, for excuse, “She is so beautiful and placid, even in death. No harsh feeling ever clouded her serene brow; how did I treat her? wounding her gentle heart with savage coldness; I had no compassion on her in past years, does she forgive me now? Little, little does it boot to talk of repentance and forgiveness to the dead, had I during her life once consulted her gentle wishes, and curbed my rugged nature to do her pleasure, I should not feel thus.”

She walked down slowly, while I, overwhelmed and utterly miserable, threw myself onto the pavement nearby—the stiffening form of Idris was in front of me, her lifeless face tranquil in eternal rest below. That was the end for me! Just the day before, I had imagined various adventures and time spent with my friends in the future—now I had jumped ahead and reached the very edge of life. Lost in darkness, enclosed and overshadowed by the powerful present, I was startled by footsteps on the steps of the tomb, and I remembered her, the one I had completely forgotten, my angry visitor; her tall figure slowly rose from the vault, a living statue filled with resentment and intense human emotion: she appeared to have reached the aisle; she stood still, searching with her eyes for something she wanted—until, noticing me close by, she placed her wrinkled hand on my arm, exclaiming with a shaky voice, “Lionel Verney, my son!” This name, spoken at such a moment by my angel's mother, filled me with more respect than I had ever felt for this proud lady. I bowed my head and kissed her withered hand, noticing that she was trembling intensely, and I supported her to the end of the chancel, where she sat on the steps leading to the regal stall. She allowed herself to be led, and still holding my hand, leaned her head against the stall, while moonbeams, colored by the stained glass, fell on her shining eyes; aware of her frailty, and recalling her long-held dignity, she wiped away her tears; yet they fell fast, and she said, as an excuse, “She is so beautiful and peaceful, even in death. No harsh feelings ever clouded her serene brow; how did I treat her? I wounded her gentle heart with cruel indifference; I showed her no compassion in the past years, does she forgive me now? It does little good to talk about repentance and forgiveness with the dead, if I had only consulted her gentle wishes during her life and softened my rough nature to please her, I wouldn't feel this way.”

Idris and her mother were unlike in person. The dark hair, deep-set black eyes, and prominent features of the Ex-Queen were in entire contrast to the golden tresses, the full blue orbs, and the soft lines and contour of her daughter’s countenance. Yet, in latter days, illness had taken from my poor girl the full outline of her face, and reduced it to the inflexible shape of the bone beneath. In the form of her brow, in her oval chin, there was to be found a resemblance to her mother; nay in some moods, their gestures were not unlike; nor, having lived so long together, was this wonderful.

Idris and her mother were very different in appearance. The Ex-Queen had dark hair, deep-set black eyes, and strong features, which were completely different from her daughter’s golden hair, bright blue eyes, and soft, gentle face. However, in recent times, illness had taken away the fullness of Idris’s face, leaving it resembling the rigid structure of the bones beneath. In the shape of her brow and her oval chin, there was a hint of her mother's likeness; indeed, at times their gestures were similar, and after spending so long together, that wasn’t surprising.

There is a magic power in resemblance. When one we love dies, we hope to see them in another state, and half expect that the agency of mind will inform its new garb in imitation of its decayed earthly vesture. But these are ideas of the mind only. We know that the instrument is shivered, the sensible image lies in miserable fragments, dissolved to dusty nothingness; a look, a gesture, or a fashioning of the limbs similar to the dead in a living person, touches a thrilling chord, whose sacred harmony is felt in the heart’s dearest recess. Strangely moved, prostrate before this spectral image, and enslaved by the force of blood manifested in likeness of look and movement, I remained trembling in the presence of the harsh, proud, and till now unloved mother of Idris.

There’s a magical power in resemblance. When someone we love passes away, we hope to see them in another state and half expect that their mind will somehow shape their new form to resemble their decayed earthly body. But these are just thoughts of the mind. We know that the body is shattered, and the tangible image lies in miserable fragments, reduced to dusty nothingness; a look, a gesture, or a way of moving that reminds us of the deceased in a living person strikes a powerful chord, whose sacred resonance is felt deep in the heart. Strangely moved, overwhelmed before this ghostly image, and captivated by the force of blood reflected in the likeness of their appearance and movements, I found myself trembling in the presence of the harsh, proud, and until now unloved mother of Idris.

Poor, mistaken woman! in her tenderest mood before, she had cherished the idea, that a word, a look of reconciliation from her, would be received with joy, and repay long years of severity. Now that the time was gone for the exercise of such power, she fell at once upon the thorny truth of things, and felt that neither smile nor caress could penetrate to the unconscious state, or influence the happiness of her who lay in the vault beneath. This conviction, together with the remembrance of soft replies to bitter speeches, of gentle looks repaying angry glances; the perception of the falsehood, paltryness and futility of her cherished dreams of birth and power; the overpowering knowledge, that love and life were the true emperors of our mortal state; all, as a tide, rose, and filled her soul with stormy and bewildering confusion. It fell to my lot, to come as the influential power, to allay the fierce tossing of these tumultuous waves. I spoke to her; I led her to reflect how happy Idris had really been, and how her virtues and numerous excellencies had found scope and estimation in her past career. I praised her, the idol of my heart’s dear worship, the admired type of feminine perfection. With ardent and overflowing eloquence, I relieved my heart from its burthen, and awoke to the sense of a new pleasure in life, as I poured forth the funeral eulogy. Then I referred to Adrian, her loved brother, and to her surviving child. I declared, which I had before almost forgotten, what my duties were with regard to these valued portions of herself, and bade the melancholy repentant mother reflect, how she could best expiate unkindness towards the dead, by redoubled love of the survivors. Consoling her, my own sorrows were assuaged; my sincerity won her entire conviction.

Poor, misguided woman! In her most tender moments before, she believed that a word or a look of reconciliation from her would be welcomed with joy and compensate for many years of harshness. Now that it was too late for such power, she was confronted with the painful truth and realized that neither a smile nor a gentle touch could reach the unconscious state or affect the happiness of the one who lay in the vault beneath. This realization, along with memories of soft responses to bitter words, and gentle looks in exchange for angry glares; the awareness of the falsehood, pettiness, and futility of her cherished dreams of social standing and power; and the overwhelming truth that love and life are the real rulers of our existence—all surged through her, filling her soul with chaotic and bewildering confusion. It fell to me to be the calming influence that could soothe the intense turmoil of these turbulent emotions. I spoke to her; I guided her to reflect on how genuinely happy Idris had been, and how her virtues and many strengths had been acknowledged in her past. I praised her, the idol of my heart’s devotion, the admired embodiment of feminine perfection. With passionate and overflowing words, I eased my heart's burden and awakened a sense of new joy in life as I delivered my eulogy. Then I mentioned Adrian, her beloved brother, and her surviving child. I reminded her, which I had almost forgotten, of my responsibilities towards these cherished parts of herself, and urged the sorrowful mother to consider how she could make amends for her unkindness to the deceased by showing greater love to those still alive. By comforting her, my own sorrows were eased; my genuine sincerity won her complete trust.

She turned to me. The hard, inflexible, persecuting woman, turned with a mild expression of face, and said, “If our beloved angel sees us now, it will delight her to find that I do you even tardy justice. You were worthy of her; and from my heart I am glad that you won her away from me. Pardon, my son, the many wrongs I have done you; forget my bitter words and unkind treatment—take me, and govern me as you will.”

She turned to me. The tough, unyielding, harsh woman turned with a gentle expression on her face and said, “If our beloved angel sees us now, it will make her happy to know that I'm finally doing you some justice. You deserved her; and I genuinely feel glad that you won her from me. Forgive me, my son, for the many wrongs I’ve done you; forget my bitter words and unkind actions—accept me, and guide me as you wish.”

I seized this docile moment to propose our departure from the church. “First,” she said, “let us replace the pavement above the vault.”

I took advantage of this calm moment to suggest we leave the church. “First,” she said, “let's replace the pavement over the vault.”

We drew near to it; “Shall we look on her again?” I asked.

We approached it; “Should we see her again?” I asked.

“I cannot,” she replied, “and, I pray you, neither do you. We need not torture ourselves by gazing on the soulless body, while her living spirit is buried quick in our hearts, and her surpassing loveliness is so deeply carved there, that sleeping or waking she must ever be present to us.”

“I can’t,” she answered, “and I ask you, please don’t either. We shouldn’t torture ourselves by looking at the lifeless body, while her living spirit is still alive in our hearts, and her incredible beauty is so deeply etched there that whether we’re asleep or awake, she will always be with us.”

For a few moments, we bent in solemn silence over the open vault. I consecrated my future life, to the embalming of her dear memory; I vowed to serve her brother and her child till death. The convulsive sob of my companion made me break off my internal orisons. I next dragged the stones over the entrance of the tomb, and closed the gulph that contained the life of my life. Then, supporting my decrepid fellow-mourner, we slowly left the chapel. I felt, as I stepped into the open air, as if I had quitted an happy nest of repose, for a dreary wilderness, a tortuous path, a bitter, joyless, hopeless pilgrimage.

For a few moments, we stood in quiet sorrow over the open tomb. I dedicated my future to preserving her cherished memory; I promised to take care of her brother and her child until my last breath. The sharp sob from my companion pulled me out of my silent prayers. I then moved the stones to cover the entrance of the grave and sealed away the life of my life. After propping up my frail fellow mourner, we slowly left the chapel. As I stepped into the fresh air, I felt like I was leaving a peaceful haven for a bleak wasteland, a winding path, a painful, joyless, hopeless journey.

CHAPTER IV.

Our escort had been directed to prepare our abode for the night at the inn, opposite the ascent to the Castle. We could not again visit the halls and familiar chambers of our home, on a mere visit. We had already left for ever the glades of Windsor, and all of coppice, flowery hedgerow, and murmuring stream, which gave shape and intensity to the love of our country, and the almost superstitious attachment with which we regarded native England. It had been our intention to have called at Lucy’s dwelling in Datchet, and to have re-assured her with promises of aid and protection before we repaired to our quarters for the night. Now, as the Countess of Windsor and I turned down the steep hill that led from the Castle, we saw the children, who had just stopped in their caravan, at the inn-door. They had passed through Datchet without halting. I dreaded to meet them, and to be the bearer of my tragic story, so while they were still occupied in the hurry of arrival, I suddenly left them, and through the snow and clear moon-light air, hastened along the well known road to Datchet.

Our escort was instructed to prepare our place for the night at the inn, right across from the path up to the Castle. We couldn't visit the familiar halls and rooms of our home again, not just for a short trip. We had already permanently left behind the glades of Windsor, along with all the woods, flowering hedges, and the gentle stream that shaped our love for our country and the almost superstitious attachment we had for our native England. We had planned to stop by Lucy’s house in Datchet to reassure her with promises of support and protection before heading to our accommodations for the night. Now, as the Countess of Windsor and I walked down the steep hill from the Castle, we saw the children, who had just arrived in their caravan, standing at the inn door. They had passed through Datchet without stopping. I dreaded running into them and having to share my tragic news, so while they were still busy with their arrival, I quickly left them and, through the snow and bright moonlit air, rushed along the familiar road to Datchet.

Well known indeed it was. Each cottage stood on its accustomed site, each tree wore its familiar appearance. Habit had graven uneraseably on my memory, every turn and change of object on the road. At a short distance beyond the Little Park, was an elm half blown down by a storm, some ten years ago; and still, with leafless snow-laden branches, it stretched across the pathway, which wound through a meadow, beside a shallow brook, whose brawling was silenced by frost—that stile, that white gate, that hollow oak tree, which doubtless once belonged to the forest, and which now shewed in the moonlight its gaping rent; to whose fanciful appearance, tricked out by the dusk into a resemblance of the human form, the children had given the name of Falstaff;—all these objects were as well known to me as the cold hearth of my deserted home, and every moss-grown wall and plot of orchard ground, alike as twin lambs are to each other in a stranger’s eye, yet to my accustomed gaze bore differences, distinction, and a name. England remained, though England was dead—it was the ghost of merry England that I beheld, under those greenwood shade passing generations had sported in security and ease. To this painful recognition of familiar places, was added a feeling experienced by all, understood by none—a feeling as if in some state, less visionary than a dream, in some past real existence, I had seen all I saw, with precisely the same feelings as I now beheld them—as if all my sensations were a duplex mirror of a former revelation. To get rid of this oppressive sense I strove to imagine change in this tranquil spot—this augmented my mood, by causing me to bestow more attention on the objects which occasioned me pain.

It was definitely well-known. Each cottage stood where it usually did, and each tree looked familiar. Habit had etched every turn and change of the objects along the road into my memory. Just beyond the Little Park, there was an elm that had been half blown down by a storm about ten years ago; and still, with its leafless, snow-covered branches, it stretched across the path that wound through a meadow beside a shallow brook, which was quieted by frost—that stile, that white gate, that hollow oak tree, which probably once belonged to the forest and now showed its gaping split in the moonlight; kids had given it the name Falstaff because in the dim light it vaguely resembled a human figure. All these things were as familiar to me as the cold hearth of my abandoned home, and every moss-covered wall and patch of orchard ground were like twin lambs to a stranger, yet to my trained eye, they had differences, unique characteristics, and names. England existed, though England was gone—it was the ghost of merry England that I saw, where past generations had enjoyed themselves in safety and comfort. This painful recognition of familiar sights was accompanied by a feeling that everyone experiences but no one understands—a sense that in some state, less dreamlike than a memory, in some past reality, I had witnessed everything I saw now, with exactly the same emotions—as if all my feelings were a double reflection of an earlier revelation. To shake off this heavy sensation, I tried to imagine changes in this peaceful spot—this only worsened my mood, making me focus even more on the things that caused me pain.

I reached Datchet and Lucy’s humble abode—once noisy with Saturday night revellers, or trim and neat on Sunday morning it had borne testimony to the labours and orderly habits of the housewife. The snow lay high about the door, as if it had remained unclosed for many days.

I arrived at Datchet and Lucy's modest home—once lively with Saturday night partygoers, or tidy and pristine on Sunday morning, it showed the efforts and organized ways of the housewife. The snow piled high around the door, as if it had stayed open for many days.

“What scene of death hath Roscius now to act?”

“What scene of death does Roscius have to perform now?”

I muttered to myself as I looked at the dark casements. At first I thought I saw a light in one of them, but it proved to be merely the refraction of the moon-beams, while the only sound was the crackling branches as the breeze whirred the snow flakes from them—the moon sailed high and unclouded in the interminable ether, while the shadow of the cottage lay black on the garden behind. I entered this by the open wicket, and anxiously examined each window. At length I detected a ray of light struggling through a closed shutter in one of the upper rooms—it was a novel feeling, alas! to look at any house and say there dwells its usual inmate—the door of the house was merely on the latch: so I entered and ascended the moon-lit staircase. The door of the inhabited room was ajar: looking in, I saw Lucy sitting as at work at the table on which the light stood; the implements of needlework were about her, but her hand had fallen on her lap, and her eyes, fixed on the ground, shewed by their vacancy that her thoughts wandered. Traces of care and watching had diminished her former attractions—but her simple dress and cap, her desponding attitude, and the single candle that cast its light upon her, gave for a moment a picturesque grouping to the whole. A fearful reality recalled me from the thought—a figure lay stretched on the bed covered by a sheet—her mother was dead, and Lucy, apart from all the world, deserted and alone, watched beside the corpse during the weary night. I entered the room, and my unexpected appearance at first drew a scream from the lone survivor of a dead nation; but she recognised me, and recovered herself, with the quick exercise of self-control habitual to her. “Did you not expect me?” I asked, in that low voice which the presence of the dead makes us as it were instinctively assume.

I muttered to myself as I looked at the dark windows. At first, I thought I saw a light in one of them, but it turned out to just be the moonlight refracting off the glass. The only sound was the crackling of branches as the breeze blew the snowflakes off them—the moon hung high and clear in the endless sky, while the shadow of the cottage lay dark over the garden behind. I entered through the open gate and anxiously checked each window. Eventually, I noticed a ray of light struggling through a closed shutter in one of the upper rooms—it was a strange feeling, sadly, to look at a house and think of it as someone's home—the door was merely unlatched, so I went in and climbed the moonlit staircase. The door to the occupied room was ajar: looking inside, I saw Lucy sitting at the table where the light was. The tools for sewing were scattered around her, but her hand had fallen onto her lap, and her eyes, fixed on the ground, showed by their emptiness that her thoughts were elsewhere. Signs of worry and lack of sleep had diminished her former beauty—but her simple dress and cap, her despondent posture, and the single candle casting light on her created a momentary beautiful scene. A terrible reality brought me back to the situation—a figure lay stretched on the bed, covered by a sheet—her mother was dead, and Lucy, cut off from everyone and alone, was keeping watch beside the corpse throughout the long night. I entered the room, and my sudden appearance initially startled the last survivor of a deceased family, drawing a scream from her; but she recognized me and composed herself quickly, thanks to her usual self-control. “Did you not expect me?” I asked, in that low voice we instinctively use in the presence of the dead.

“You are very good,” replied she, “to have come yourself; I can never thank you sufficiently; but it is too late.”

“You're really kind,” she replied, “to have come yourself; I can never thank you enough, but it’s too late.”

“Too late,” cried I, “what do you mean? It is not too late to take you from this deserted place, and conduct you to—-”

“Too late,” I shouted, “what do you mean? It’s not too late to get you out of this abandoned place and take you to—-”

My own loss, which I had forgotten as I spoke, now made me turn away, while choking grief impeded my speech. I threw open the window, and looked on the cold, waning, ghastly, misshaped circle on high, and the chill white earth beneath—did the spirit of sweet Idris sail along the moon-frozen crystal air?—No, no, a more genial atmosphere, a lovelier habitation was surely hers!

My own loss, which I had forgotten while I spoke, now made me turn away, as choking grief stopped me from speaking. I threw open the window and looked at the cold, fading, eerie, misshapen circle above, and the chilly white ground below—did the spirit of sweet Idris float through the moonlit, icy air?—No, no, a warmer atmosphere, a more beautiful place was surely hers!

I indulged in this meditation for a moment, and then again addressed the mourner, who stood leaning against the bed with that expression of resigned despair, of complete misery, and a patient sufferance of it, which is far more touching than any of the insane ravings or wild gesticulation of untamed sorrow. I desired to draw her from this spot; but she opposed my wish. That class of persons whose imagination and sensibility have never been taken out of the narrow circle immediately in view, if they possess these qualities to any extent, are apt to pour their influence into the very realities which appear to destroy them, and to cling to these with double tenacity from not being able to comprehend any thing beyond. Thus Lucy, in desert England, in a dead world, wished to fulfil the usual ceremonies of the dead, such as were customary to the English country people, when death was a rare visitant, and gave us time to receive his dreaded usurpation with pomp and circumstance—going forth in procession to deliver the keys of the tomb into his conquering hand. She had already, alone as she was, accomplished some of these, and the work on which I found her employed, was her mother’s shroud. My heart sickened at such detail of woe, which a female can endure, but which is more painful to the masculine spirit than deadliest struggle, or throes of unutterable but transient agony.

I paused to reflect for a moment, then spoke again to the mourner, who was leaning against the bed with a look of resigned despair, complete misery, and a patient acceptance of it, which is much more touching than any wild outbursts or frantic gestures of overwhelming grief. I wanted to pull her away from this place, but she resisted my wish. People whose imagination and sensitivity have never extended beyond their immediate surroundings, if they have these qualities to any degree, tend to pour their feelings into the very realities that seem to overwhelm them, clinging to them even more tightly because they can't grasp anything beyond. Thus, Lucy, in this empty world, wanted to carry out the usual rituals for the dead, like those that were customary for rural English people when death was a rare event, allowing us time to face his dreaded arrival with a sense of ceremony—going in procession to hand over the keys of the tomb to his conquering hand. She had already, despite being alone, managed to perform some of these rituals, and the task I found her engaged in was sewing her mother’s shroud. My heart ached at such details of sorrow that a woman can endure, but which are far more painful for a man than the deadliest fight or the deep yet fleeting agony.

This must not be, I told her; and then, as further inducement, I communicated to her my recent loss, and gave her the idea that she must come with me to take charge of the orphan children, whom the death of Idris had deprived of a mother’s care. Lucy never resisted the call of a duty, so she yielded, and closing the casements and doors with care, she accompanied me back to Windsor. As we went she communicated to me the occasion of her mother’s death. Either by some mischance she had got sight of Lucy’s letter to Idris, or she had overheard her conversation with the countryman who bore it; however it might be, she obtained a knowledge of the appalling situation of herself and her daughter, her aged frame could not sustain the anxiety and horror this discovery instilled—she concealed her knowledge from Lucy, but brooded over it through sleepless nights, till fever and delirium, swift forerunners of death, disclosed the secret. Her life, which had long been hovering on its extinction, now yielded at once to the united effects of misery and sickness, and that same morning she had died.

I told her this couldn’t happen; and then, to persuade her further, I shared my recent loss and suggested that she should come with me to take care of the orphaned children whom Idris's death had left without a mother. Lucy never turned down a call to duty, so she agreed, and after carefully closing the windows and doors, she came back to Windsor with me. As we walked, she told me about her mother’s death. Whether it was by some misfortune that she saw Lucy’s letter to Idris, or if she overheard her talking to the countryman who delivered it, somehow she learned about the terrifying situation of both herself and her daughter. Her frail body couldn’t handle the anxiety and horror this revelation caused—she kept her knowledge from Lucy but tormented herself with it through sleepless nights, until sickness and delirium, swift messengers of death, revealed the truth. Her life, which had long been hanging by a thread, finally succumbed to the combined effects of misery and illness, and that very morning she had passed away.

After the tumultuous emotions of the day, I was glad to find on my arrival at the inn that my companions had retired to rest. I gave Lucy in charge to the Countess’s attendant, and then sought repose from my various struggles and impatient regrets. For a few moments the events of the day floated in disastrous pageant through my brain, till sleep bathed it in forgetfulness; when morning dawned and I awoke, it seemed as if my slumber had endured for years.

After the chaotic emotions of the day, I was relieved to find that my friends had gone to bed when I arrived at the inn. I handed Lucy over to the Countess’s attendant and then looked for some rest from my many struggles and frustrations. For a few moments, the events of the day paraded through my mind like a disaster show until sleep washed it away in forgetfulness; when morning came and I woke up, it felt like I had been asleep for years.

My companions had not shared my oblivion. Clara’s swollen eyes shewed that she had passed the night in weeping. The Countess looked haggard and wan. Her firm spirit had not found relief in tears, and she suffered the more from all the painful retrospect and agonizing regret that now occupied her. We departed from Windsor, as soon as the burial rites had been performed for Lucy’s mother, and, urged on by an impatient desire to change the scene, went forward towards Dover with speed, our escort having gone before to provide horses; finding them either in the warm stables they instinctively sought during the cold weather, or standing shivering in the bleak fields ready to surrender their liberty in exchange for offered corn.

My friends hadn’t shared my ignorance. Clara’s puffy eyes showed that she had spent the night crying. The Countess looked worn out and pale. Her strong spirit hadn’t found comfort in tears, and she suffered even more from all the painful memories and deep regret that filled her mind. We left Windsor as soon as Lucy’s mother was buried, and driven by an eagerness to change the scene, we hurried towards Dover, with our escort having gone ahead to arrange for horses; we found them either in the warm stables they instinctively sought during the cold weather or standing shivering in the bare fields, ready to trade their freedom for some offered grain.

During our ride the Countess recounted to me the extraordinary circumstances which had brought her so strangely to my side in the chancel of St. George’s chapel. When last she had taken leave of Idris, as she looked anxiously on her faded person and pallid countenance, she had suddenly been visited by a conviction that she saw her for the last time. It was hard to part with her while under the dominion of this sentiment, and for the last time she endeavoured to persuade her daughter to commit herself to her nursing, permitting me to join Adrian. Idris mildly refused, and thus they separated. The idea that they should never again meet grew on the Countess’s mind, and haunted her perpetually; a thousand times she had resolved to turn back and join us, and was again and again restrained by the pride and anger of which she was the slave. Proud of heart as she was, she bathed her pillow with nightly tears, and through the day was subdued by nervous agitation and expectation of the dreaded event, which she was wholly incapable of curbing. She confessed that at this period her hatred of me knew no bounds, since she considered me as the sole obstacle to the fulfilment of her dearest wish, that of attending upon her daughter in her last moments. She desired to express her fears to her son, and to seek consolation from his sympathy with, or courage from his rejection of, her auguries.

During our ride, the Countess shared with me the extraordinary circumstances that had brought her so unexpectedly to my side in the chancel of St. George’s chapel. When she last said goodbye to Idris, she looked anxiously at her faded appearance and pale face, and suddenly felt convinced she was seeing her for the last time. It was hard to part from her while feeling this way, and one last time she tried to persuade her daughter to let her care for her, allowing me to join Adrian. Idris gently refused, and so they parted ways. The thought that they would never meet again weighed heavily on the Countess’s mind and haunted her constantly; a thousand times she planned to turn back and join us, but time and again she was held back by the pride and anger that controlled her. Despite being proud, she soaked her pillow with tears at night and spent her days consumed by nervous agitation and the anticipation of the dreaded event, which she couldn’t control. She admitted that during this time, her hatred for me was boundless, as she saw me as the only obstacle to her deepest wish: to be with her daughter in her final moments. She wanted to share her fears with her son, hoping to find solace in his sympathy or courage in his dismissal of her premonitions.

On the first day of her arrival at Dover she walked with him on the sea beach, and with the timidity characteristic of passionate and exaggerated feeling was by degrees bringing the conversation to the desired point, when she could communicate her fears to him, when the messenger who bore my letter announcing our temporary return to Windsor, came riding down to them. He gave some oral account of how he had left us, and added, that notwithstanding the cheerfulness and good courage of Lady Idris, he was afraid that she would hardly reach Windsor alive. “True,” said the Countess, “your fears are just, she is about to expire!”

On the first day of her arrival in Dover, she walked with him along the beach. With the shyness typical of someone who feels deeply, she gradually guided the conversation to the point where she could share her worries with him, when suddenly the messenger carrying my letter about our temporary return to Windsor rode up to them. He told them how he had left us and added that, despite Lady Idris's cheerful demeanor and bravery, he feared she wouldn’t make it to Windsor alive. "You're right," said the Countess, "your concerns are valid, she is on the verge of death!"

As she spoke, her eyes were fixed on a tomblike hollow of the cliff, and she saw, she averred the same to me with solemnity, Idris pacing slowly towards this cave. She was turned from her, her head was bent down, her white dress was such as she was accustomed to wear, except that a thin crape-like veil covered her golden tresses, and concealed her as a dim transparent mist. She looked dejected, as docilely yielding to a commanding power; she submissively entered, and was lost in the dark recess.

As she spoke, her eyes were fixed on a grave-like hollow in the cliff, and she seriously told me that she saw Idris slowly walking toward this cave. Her back was turned to me, her head was bent down, and she wore her usual white dress, except a thin, crape-like veil covered her golden hair and concealed her like a faint, transparent mist. She looked downcast, as if she was passively giving in to a strong force; she obediently entered and disappeared into the dark space.

“Were I subject to visionary moods,” said the venerable lady, as she continued her narrative, “I might doubt my eyes, and condemn my credulity; but reality is the world I live in, and what I saw I doubt not had existence beyond myself. From that moment I could not rest; it was worth my existence to see her once again before she died; I knew that I should not accomplish this, yet I must endeavour. I immediately departed for Windsor; and, though I was assured that we travelled speedily, it seemed to me that our progress was snail-like, and that delays were created solely for my annoyance. Still I accused you, and heaped on your head the fiery ashes of my burning impatience. It was no disappointment, though an agonizing pang, when you pointed to her last abode; and words would ill express the abhorrence I that moment felt towards you, the triumphant impediment to my dearest wishes. I saw her, and anger, and hate, and injustice died at her bier, giving place at their departure to a remorse (Great God, that I should feel it!) which must last while memory and feeling endure.”

“If I were prone to daydreams,” said the elderly lady as she continued her story, “I might doubt what I saw and question my belief; but reality is the world I inhabit, and what I witnessed certainly existed beyond just me. From that moment, I couldn't find peace; it was essential for me to see her one more time before she passed away. I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to do this, yet I had to try. I immediately set off for Windsor; and even though I was told we traveled quickly, it felt to me like we were moving at a snail's pace, as if delays were purposely created just to irritate me. Still, I blamed you and poured out my fiery impatience on you. It wasn’t disappointing, although it was an intense pain, when you indicated her final resting place; and words can hardly express the hatred I felt towards you at that moment, the one who stood in the way of my deepest wishes. I saw her, and my anger, hatred, and sense of injustice faded at her bier, replaced by a remorse (Great God, that I should feel it!) that will last as long as I have memory and emotion.”

To medicine such remorse, to prevent awakening love and new-born mildness from producing the same bitter fruit that hate and harshness had done, I devoted all my endeavours to soothe the venerable penitent. Our party was a melancholy one; each was possessed by regret for what was remediless; for the absence of his mother shadowed even the infant gaiety of Evelyn. Added to this was the prospect of the uncertain future. Before the final accomplishment of any great voluntary change the mind vacillates, now soothing itself by fervent expectation, now recoiling from obstacles which seem never to have presented themselves before with so frightful an aspect. An involuntary tremor ran through me when I thought that in another day we might have crossed the watery barrier, and have set forward on that hopeless, interminable, sad wandering, which but a short time before I regarded as the only relief to sorrow that our situation afforded.

To medicine such regret, to stop awakening love and newfound gentleness from yielding the same bitter outcome that hate and harshness had done, I dedicated all my efforts to comfort the respected penitent. Our group was a gloomy one; each of us was burdened by remorse for what couldn’t be changed; the absence of his mother cast a shadow even over Evelyn's youthful joy. On top of this was the uncertainty of the future. Before any major voluntary change is fully realized, the mind wavers, sometimes calming itself with hopeful anticipation, and other times recoiling from obstacles that seem to have never appeared so terrifying before. A shiver ran through me when I thought that in just a day we could have crossed the watery barrier and started that hopeless, endless, sorrowful journey, which just a short while ago I saw as the only escape from the grief our situation caused.

Our approach to Dover was announced by the loud roarings of the wintry sea. They were borne miles inland by the sound-laden blast, and by their unaccustomed uproar, imparted a feeling of insecurity and peril to our stable abode. At first we hardly permitted ourselves to think that any unusual eruption of nature caused this tremendous war of air and water, but rather fancied that we merely listened to what we had heard a thousand times before, when we had watched the flocks of fleece-crowned waves, driven by the winds, come to lament and die on the barren sands and pointed rocks. But we found upon advancing farther, that Dover was overflowed— many of the houses were overthrown by the surges which filled the streets, and with hideous brawlings sometimes retreated leaving the pavement of the town bare, till again hurried forward by the influx of ocean, they returned with thunder-sound to their usurped station.

Our approach to Dover was signaled by the loud roar of the wintry sea. The sound carried miles inland, and its unusual noise created a sense of insecurity and danger in our stable home. At first, we barely let ourselves think that this tremendous clash of air and water was caused by some unusual natural event; instead, we imagined we were simply hearing what we had heard thousands of times before, watching the flocks of wave-topped water driven by the winds come to lament and crash onto the barren sands and sharp rocks. However, as we moved further, we found that Dover was flooded—many of the houses had been knocked down by the waves that filled the streets, and with terrible roars, the water sometimes receded, leaving the town's pavement exposed, only to rush back forward with thunderous sound to reclaim its place.

Hardly less disturbed than the tempestuous world of waters was the assembly of human beings, that from the cliff fearfully watched its ravings. On the morning of the arrival of the emigrants under the conduct of Adrian, the sea had been serene and glassy, the slight ripples refracted the sunbeams, which shed their radiance through the clear blue frosty air. This placid appearance of nature was hailed as a good augury for the voyage, and the chief immediately repaired to the harbour to examine two steamboats which were moored there. On the following midnight, when all were at rest, a frightful storm of wind and clattering rain and hail first disturbed them, and the voice of one shrieking in the streets, that the sleepers must awake or they would be drowned; and when they rushed out, half clothed, to discover the meaning of this alarm, they found that the tide, rising above every mark, was rushing into the town. They ascended the cliff, but the darkness permitted only the white crest of waves to be seen, while the roaring wind mingled its howlings in dire accord with the wild surges. The awful hour of night, the utter inexperience of many who had never seen the sea before, the wailing of women and cries of children added to the horror of the tumult. All the following day the same scene continued. When the tide ebbed, the town was left dry; but on its flow, it rose even higher than on the preceding night. The vast ships that lay rotting in the roads were whirled from their anchorage, and driven and jammed against the cliff, the vessels in the harbour were flung on land like sea-weed, and there battered to pieces by the breakers. The waves dashed against the cliff, which if in any place it had been before loosened, now gave way, and the affrighted crowd saw vast fragments of the near earth fall with crash and roar into the deep. This sight operated differently on different persons. The greater part thought it a judgment of God, to prevent or punish our emigration from our native land. Many were doubly eager to quit a nook of ground now become their prison, which appeared unable to resist the inroads of ocean’s giant waves.

Barely less unsettled than the raging sea was the group of people anxiously watching from the cliff. On the morning the emigrants, led by Adrian, arrived, the sea was calm and smooth, with gentle ripples reflecting the sunlight, which shone brightly through the clear, frosty air. This peaceful scene was seen as a good sign for their journey, and the leader quickly went to the harbor to check on two steamboats tied up there. Later that night, as everyone rested, a terrifying storm of wind, rain, and hail suddenly struck, along with a voice shouting in the streets that the sleepers needed to wake up or they would drown; when they hurried outside, half-dressed, to find out what was going on, they discovered that the tide was rushing into the town, higher than anyone had anticipated. They climbed the cliff, but the darkness allowed them to see only the white caps of the waves, while the howling wind mixed with the chaotic crashing of the waves. The late hour, the total inexperience of those who had never seen the sea before, and the cries of women and children heightened the fear of the chaos. The same scene unfolded the next day. When the tide went out, the town was left dry, but when it came back in, it surged even higher than the night before. Huge ships that had been wrecked in the harbor were torn from their moorings and slammed against the cliff, while smaller vessels were tossed onto the shore like seaweed, where they were smashed to pieces by the waves. The waves crashed against the cliff, and where the land had been weakened before, it now crumbled, terrifying the crowd as large chunks of land fell into the depths with a loud crash. This sight affected people in different ways. Most believed it was a divine punishment for their decision to leave their homeland. Many were now even more eager to escape a place that had turned into a prison, seemingly incapable of withstanding the massive waves of the ocean.

When we arrived at Dover, after a fatiguing day’s journey, we all required rest and sleep; but the scene acting around us soon drove away such ideas. We were drawn, along with the greater part of our companions, to the edge of the cliff, there to listen to and make a thousand conjectures. A fog narrowed our horizon to about a quarter of a mile, and the misty veil, cold and dense, enveloped sky and sea in equal obscurity. What added to our inquietude was the circumstance that two-thirds of our original number were now waiting for us in Paris, and clinging, as we now did most painfully, to any addition to our melancholy remnant, this division, with the tameless impassable ocean between, struck us with affright. At length, after loitering for several hours on the cliff, we retired to Dover Castle, whose roof sheltered all who breathed the English air, and sought the sleep necessary to restore strength and courage to our worn frames and languid spirits.

When we got to Dover after a tiring day of travel, we all needed rest and sleep, but the scene around us quickly chased those thoughts away. We were drawn, along with most of our companions, to the edge of the cliff to listen and make all sorts of guesses. A fog reduced our view to about a quarter of a mile, and the cold, dense mist covered both the sky and the sea in equal murkiness. What made us even more uneasy was the fact that two-thirds of our original group were now waiting for us in Paris, and we clung painfully to any hope of adding to our small group. This division, with the vast, impassable ocean between us, filled us with fear. Finally, after lingering for several hours on the cliff, we headed to Dover Castle, where the roof sheltered all who breathed English air, and sought the sleep we needed to restore strength and courage to our tired bodies and weary spirits.

Early in the morning Adrian brought me the welcome intelligence that the wind had changed: it had been south-west; it was now north-east. The sky was stripped bare of clouds by the increasing gale, while the tide at its ebb seceded entirely from the town. The change of wind rather increased the fury of the sea, but it altered its late dusky hue to a bright green; and in spite of its unmitigated clamour, its more cheerful appearance instilled hope and pleasure. All day we watched the ranging of the mountainous waves, and towards sunset a desire to decypher the promise for the morrow at its setting, made us all gather with one accord on the edge of the cliff. When the mighty luminary approached within a few degrees of the tempest-tossed horizon, suddenly, a wonder! three other suns, alike burning and brilliant, rushed from various quarters of the heavens towards the great orb; they whirled round it. The glare of light was intense to our dazzled eyes; the sun itself seemed to join in the dance, while the sea burned like a furnace, like all Vesuvius a-light, with flowing lava beneath. The horses broke loose from their stalls in terror—a herd of cattle, panic struck, raced down to the brink of the cliff, and blinded by light, plunged down with frightful yells in the waves below. The time occupied by the apparition of these meteors was comparatively short; suddenly the three mock suns united in one, and plunged into the sea. A few seconds afterwards, a deafening watery sound came up with awful peal from the spot where they had disappeared.

Early in the morning, Adrian brought me the good news that the wind had changed: it was blowing from the southwest before, but now it was coming from the northeast. The strong winds had cleared the sky of clouds, and the tide was completely pulling away from the town. The change in the wind made the sea even fiercer, but it transformed its dark hue into a bright green; despite its relentless roar, its more cheerful appearance gave us hope and joy. All day, we watched the towering waves, and as sunset approached, a desire to interpret what the next day would bring drew us all to the edge of the cliff. When the great sun drew near the stormy horizon, suddenly, we were amazed! Three other suns, equally bright and brilliant, rushed in from different parts of the sky toward the main sun, circling around it. The light was blinding to our eyes; the sun itself seemed to join in the spectacle, while the sea glowed like a furnace, resembling Vesuvius ablaze with flowing lava beneath. The horses broke free from their stalls in fear—a herd of cattle, panicked, bolted to the edge of the cliff and, blinded by the light, plunged down with terrifying cries into the waves below. The appearance of these celestial phenomena lasted only a brief time; suddenly the three false suns merged into one and sank into the sea. A few seconds later, a deafening sound erupted from the spot where they had vanished.

Meanwhile the sun, disencumbered from his strange satellites, paced with its accustomed majesty towards its western home. When—we dared not trust our eyes late dazzled, but it seemed that—the sea rose to meet it—it mounted higher and higher, till the fiery globe was obscured, and the wall of water still ascended the horizon; it appeared as if suddenly the motion of earth was revealed to us—as if no longer we were ruled by ancient laws, but were turned adrift in an unknown region of space. Many cried aloud, that these were no meteors, but globes of burning matter, which had set fire to the earth, and caused the vast cauldron at our feet to bubble up with its measureless waves; the day of judgment was come they averred, and a few moments would transport us before the awful countenance of the omnipotent judge; while those less given to visionary terrors, declared that two conflicting gales had occasioned the last phaenomenon. In support of this opinion they pointed out the fact that the east wind died away, while the rushing of the coming west mingled its wild howl with the roar of the advancing waters. Would the cliff resist this new battery? Was not the giant wave far higher than the precipice? Would not our little island be deluged by its approach? The crowd of spectators fled. They were dispersed over the fields, stopping now and then, and looking back in terror. A sublime sense of awe calmed the swift pulsations of my heart—I awaited the approach of the destruction menaced, with that solemn resignation which an unavoidable necessity instils. The ocean every moment assumed a more terrific aspect, while the twilight was dimmed by the rack which the west wind spread over the sky. By slow degrees however, as the wave advanced, it took a more mild appearance; some under current of air, or obstruction in the bed of the waters, checked its progress, and it sank gradually; while the surface of the sea became uniformly higher as it dissolved into it. This change took from us the fear of an immediate catastrophe, although we were still anxious as to the final result. We continued during the whole night to watch the fury of the sea and the pace of the driving clouds, through whose openings the rare stars rushed impetuously; the thunder of conflicting elements deprived us of all power to sleep.

Meanwhile, the sun, free from its unusual satellites, moved with its usual grandeur towards its western home. When—we could hardly believe our eyes, still dazzled, but it seemed that—the sea rose to greet it—it climbed higher and higher until the blazing orb was hidden, and the wall of water continued to climb the horizon; it felt like the motion of the earth was suddenly revealed to us—as if we weren’t bound by ancient laws anymore, but were tossed into an unknown area of space. Many shouted that these weren't meteors, but spheres of burning matter that had set the earth ablaze and made the vast cauldron at our feet bubble up with its endless waves; they claimed the day of judgment had come, and in a few moments we would stand before the terrifying face of the omnipotent judge; while those less prone to fearful visions argued that two opposing winds had caused the recent phenomenon. To support their view, they pointed out that the east wind faded as the rushing west wind intertwined its wild howl with the roar of the advancing waters. Would the cliff withstand this new attack? Wasn’t the massive wave far taller than the cliff? Wouldn’t our little island be overwhelmed by its approach? The crowd of onlookers scattered. They spread across the fields, stopping now and then to look back in fear. A profound sense of awe calmed the rapid beats of my heart—I awaited the approach of the impending destruction with that solemn acceptance that an unavoidable necessity brings. The ocean, with each passing moment, appeared more terrifying, while the twilight was darkened by the clouds that the west wind scattered across the sky. Gradually, however, as the wave moved forward, it took on a gentler look; some undercurrent or obstacle in the sea’s bed slowed its advance, and it gradually sank; while the surface of the sea became evenly higher as it blended into it. This change eased our fear of an immediate disaster, though we were still worried about the outcome. We spent the entire night watching the fury of the sea and the pace of the driving clouds, through which the rare stars rushed wildly; the thunder of the clashing elements kept us from sleeping.

This endured ceaselessly for three days and nights. The stoutest hearts quailed before the savage enmity of nature; provisions began to fail us, though every day foraging parties were dispersed to the nearer towns. In vain we schooled ourselves into the belief, that there was nothing out of the common order of nature in the strife we witnessed; our disasterous and overwhelming destiny turned the best of us to cowards. Death had hunted us through the course of many months, even to the narrow strip of time on which we now stood; narrow indeed, and buffeted by storms, was our footway overhanging the great sea of calamity—

This went on without stopping for three days and nights. Even the bravest hearts faltered in the face of nature's fierce hostility; our supplies started to run low, even though every day we sent out foraging teams to the nearby towns. We tried to convince ourselves that the struggle we were facing was just a normal part of life, but our disastrous and overwhelming fate turned the best of us into cowards. Death had chased us for months, right up to the narrow sliver of time we found ourselves in; indeed, our path, battered by storms, hung precariously over the vast sea of misfortune—

        As an unsheltered northern shore
Is shaken by the wintry wave—
And frequent storms for evermore,
(While from the west the loud winds rave,
Or from the east, or mountains hoar)
The struck and tott’ring sand-bank lave.[21]

As an exposed northern shoreline
Is tossed by the winter waves—
And constant storms endlessly,
(While from the west the fierce winds howl,
Or from the east, or ancient mountains)
The hit and wobbling sandbank bathes.[21]

It required more than human energy to bear up against the menaces of destruction that every where surrounded us.

It took more than just human effort to withstand the threats of destruction that were all around us.

After the lapse of three days, the gale died away, the sea-gull sailed upon the calm bosom of the windless atmosphere, and the last yellow leaf on the topmost branch of the oak hung without motion. The sea no longer broke with fury; but a swell setting in steadily for shore, with long sweep and sullen burst replaced the roar of the breakers. Yet we derived hope from the change, and we did not doubt that after the interval of a few days the sea would resume its tranquillity. The sunset of the fourth day favoured this idea; it was clear and golden. As we gazed on the purple sea, radiant beneath, we were attracted by a novel spectacle; a dark speck—as it neared, visibly a boat—rode on the top of the waves, every now and then lost in the steep vallies between. We marked its course with eager questionings; and, when we saw that it evidently made for shore, we descended to the only practicable landing place, and hoisted a signal to direct them. By the help of glasses we distinguished her crew; it consisted of nine men, Englishmen, belonging in truth to the two divisions of our people, who had preceded us, and had been for several weeks at Paris. As countryman was wont to meet countryman in distant lands, did we greet our visitors on their landing, with outstretched hands and gladsome welcome. They were slow to reciprocate our gratulations. They looked angry and resentful; not less than the chafed sea which they had traversed with imminent peril, though apparently more displeased with each other than with us. It was strange to see these human beings, who appeared to be given forth by the earth like rare and inestimable plants, full of towering passion, and the spirit of angry contest. Their first demand was to be conducted to the Lord Protector of England, so they called Adrian, though he had long discarded the empty title, as a bitter mockery of the shadow to which the Protectorship was now reduced. They were speedily led to Dover Castle, from whose keep Adrian had watched the movements of the boat. He received them with the interest and wonder so strange a visitation created. In the confusion occasioned by their angry demands for precedence, it was long before we could discover the secret meaning of this strange scene. By degrees, from the furious declamations of one, the fierce interruptions of another, and the bitter scoffs of a third, we found that they were deputies from our colony at Paris, from three parties there formed, who, each with angry rivalry, tried to attain a superiority over the other two. These deputies had been dispatched by them to Adrian, who had been selected arbiter; and they had journied from Paris to Calais, through the vacant towns and desolate country, indulging the while violent hatred against each other; and now they pleaded their several causes with unmitigated party-spirit.

After three days, the storm calmed down, the seagull glided on the still surface of the windless air, and the last yellow leaf on the highest branch of the oak hung motionless. The sea no longer crashed violently; instead, a steady swell rolled toward the shore, with long waves that broke sullenly, replacing the roar of the surf. Yet we felt hopeful with the change and believed that after a few days, the sea would return to its peace. The sunset on the fourth day supported this idea; it was clear and golden. As we looked at the purple sea, glowing below, we were drawn to a new sight: a dark speck—upon closer inspection, clearly a boat—swayed on top of the waves, occasionally disappearing in the steep dips between them. We eagerly followed its path with questions, and when we saw that it was obviously heading for shore, we hurried down to the only place we could land, waving a signal to guide them. With binoculars, we could make out the crew; it consisted of nine Englishmen, actually from the two groups of our people who had gone ahead of us and had been in Paris for several weeks. As countrymen usually do in far-off lands, we greeted our visitors as they arrived, with outstretched hands and cheerful welcomes. They were slow to return our greetings. They looked angry and resentful, just as the turbulent sea they had crossed with great danger, though seemingly more upset with each other than with us. It was strange to see these humans, who seemed to spring from the earth like rare and priceless plants, filled with intense passion and the spirit of bitter conflict. Their first demand was to be taken to the Lord Protector of England, referring to Adrian, even though he had long since rejected the empty title as a bitter joke reflecting the diminished role of the Protectorship. We quickly guided them to Dover Castle, from where Adrian had observed the boat's movements. He welcomed them with the interest and astonishment that such an unusual visit created. Amidst the chaos caused by their angry demands for attention, it took us a while to unravel the underlying meaning of this strange encounter. Gradually, through the furious speeches of one, the fierce interjections of another, and the bitter taunts of a third, we learned that they were representatives from our colony in Paris, from three rival factions that had formed there, each trying to gain dominance over the others. These representatives had been sent by their groups to Adrian, who had been chosen as the mediator; they had traveled from Paris to Calais through empty towns and desolate land, fueling their intense hatred for one another; and now they were presenting their cases with unabashed partisanship.

By examining the deputies apart, and after much investigation, we learnt the true state of things at Paris. Since parliament had elected him Ryland’s deputy, all the surviving English had submitted to Adrian. He was our captain to lead us from our native soil to unknown lands, our lawgiver and our preserver. On the first arrangement of our scheme of emigration, no continued separation of our members was contemplated, and the command of the whole body in gradual ascent of power had its apex in the Earl of Windsor. But unforeseen circumstances changed our plans for us, and occasioned the greater part of our numbers to be divided for the space of nearly two months, from the supreme chief. They had gone over in two distinct bodies; and on their arrival at Paris dissension arose between them.

By looking at the deputies separately and after a lot of investigation, we found out the real situation in Paris. Ever since parliament named him Ryland’s deputy, all the remaining English had submitted to Adrian. He was our leader to take us from our homeland to unfamiliar territories, our lawmaker and our protector. Initially, when we planned our emigration, we didn’t expect any ongoing separation among our members, and the leadership of the entire group was meant to be in the hands of the Earl of Windsor. However, unexpected events changed our plans and led to most of our group being separated from the supreme leader for almost two months. They had traveled in two separate groups, and when they arrived in Paris, conflicts broke out between them.

They had found Paris a desert. When first the plague had appeared, the return of travellers and merchants, and communications by letter, informed us regularly of the ravages made by disease on the continent. But with the encreased mortality this intercourse declined and ceased. Even in England itself communication from one part of the island to the other became slow and rare. No vessel stemmed the flood that divided Calais from Dover; or if some melancholy voyager, wishing to assure himself of the life or death of his relatives, put from the French shore to return among us, often the greedy ocean swallowed his little craft, or after a day or two he was infected by the disorder, and died before he could tell the tale of the desolation of France. We were therefore to a great degree ignorant of the state of things on the continent, and were not without some vague hope of finding numerous companions in its wide track. But the same causes that had so fearfully diminished the English nation had had even greater scope for mischief in the sister land. France was a blank; during the long line of road from Calais to Paris not one human being was found. In Paris there were a few, perhaps a hundred, who, resigned to their coming fate, flitted about the streets of the capital and assembled to converse of past times, with that vivacity and even gaiety that seldom deserts the individuals of this nation.

They found Paris to be desolate. When the plague first showed up, travelers and merchants, along with letters, regularly updated us on the devastation caused by the disease across the continent. But as death rates increased, those communications dwindled and eventually stopped. Even within England, communication from one side of the island to the other became slow and infrequent. No ship dared to cross the waters separating Calais from Dover; or if some somber traveler, hoping to find out if their relatives were alive or dead, set out from the French shore to return to us, often the merciless ocean swallowed their small boat, or after a day or two, they became infected with the illness and died before they could share the grim news from France. We were largely in the dark about conditions on the continent, holding onto some vague hope of finding many others along that vast stretch. But the same factors that had drastically reduced the English population had wreaked even more havoc across the channel. France was a blank; along the long road from Calais to Paris, not a single person was seen. In Paris, there were perhaps a few hundred who, resigned to their fate, wandered the streets of the capital and gathered to reminisce about better times, displaying that energy and even cheerfulness that rarely leaves the people of this nation.

The English took uncontested possession of Paris. Its high houses and narrow streets were lifeless. A few pale figures were to be distinguished at the accustomed resort at the Tuileries; they wondered wherefore the islanders should approach their ill-fated city—for in the excess of wretchedness, the sufferers always imagine, that their part of the calamity is the bitterest, as, when enduring intense pain, we would exchange the particular torture we writhe under, for any other which should visit a different part of the frame. They listened to the account the emigrants gave of their motives for leaving their native land, with a shrug almost of disdain—“Return,” they said, “return to your island, whose sea breezes, and division from the continent gives some promise of health; if Pestilence among you has slain its hundreds, with us it has slain its thousands. Are you not even now more numerous than we are?—A year ago you would have found only the sick burying the dead; now we are happier; for the pang of struggle has passed away, and the few you find here are patiently waiting the final blow. But you, who are not content to die, breathe no longer the air of France, or soon you will only be a part of her soil.”

The English took complete control of Paris. Its tall buildings and narrow streets felt empty. A few pale figures could be seen in their usual spot at the Tuileries; they wondered why the islanders would approach their doomed city—because in extreme misery, those suffering always think their part of the disaster is the worst, just like when enduring intense pain, we’d trade our specific agony for any other that would affect a different part of our body. They listened to the emigrants explain why they left their homeland, with a hint of disdain—“Go back,” they said, “go back to your island, where the sea breezes and separation from the continent offer some chance of health; if Disease has taken hundreds of you, it has claimed thousands of us. Aren’t you more numerous than we are right now?—A year ago, it was only the sick burying the dead; now we’re better off; the struggle has ended, and the few of us left are just waiting for the final blow. But you, who can’t accept dying, don’t breathe the air of France any longer, or soon you’ll just be part of her dirt.”

Thus, by menaces of the sword, they would have driven back those who had escaped from fire. But the peril left behind was deemed imminent by my countrymen; that before them doubtful and distant; and soon other feelings arose to obliterate fear, or to replace it by passions, that ought to have had no place among a brotherhood of unhappy survivors of the expiring world.

Thus, with threats of violence, they would have pushed back those who had escaped from the fire. But my fellow countrymen saw the danger left behind as immediate; what lay ahead seemed uncertain and far away; and soon other emotions emerged that erased fear or replaced it with feelings that should have had no place among a group of unfortunate survivors of the dying world.

The more numerous division of emigrants, which arrived first at Paris, assumed a superiority of rank and power; the second party asserted their independence. A third was formed by a sectarian, a self-erected prophet, who, while he attributed all power and rule to God, strove to get the real command of his comrades into his own hands. This third division consisted of fewest individuals, but their purpose was more one, their obedience to their leader more entire, their fortitude and courage more unyielding and active.

The larger group of emigrants that arrived in Paris first took on an attitude of superiority and control; the second group claimed their independence. A third group was created by a sectarian, a self-proclaimed prophet, who, while giving all power and authority to God, attempted to gain actual control over his companions. This third group had the fewest members, but they had a more unified purpose, their loyalty to their leader was stronger, and their determination and bravery were more relentless and proactive.

During the whole progress of the plague, the teachers of religion were in possession of great power; a power of good, if rightly directed, or of incalculable mischief, if fanaticism or intolerance guided their efforts. In the present instance, a worse feeling than either of these actuated the leader. He was an impostor in the most determined sense of the term. A man who had in early life lost, through the indulgence of vicious propensities, all sense of rectitude or self-esteem; and who, when ambition was awakened in him, gave himself up to its influence unbridled by any scruple. His father had been a methodist preacher, an enthusiastic man with simple intentions; but whose pernicious doctrines of election and special grace had contributed to destroy all conscientious feeling in his son. During the progress of the pestilence he had entered upon various schemes, by which to acquire adherents and power. Adrian had discovered and defeated these attempts; but Adrian was absent; the wolf assumed the shepherd’s garb, and the flock admitted the deception: he had formed a party during the few weeks he had been in Paris, who zealously propagated the creed of his divine mission, and believed that safety and salvation were to be afforded only to those who put their trust in him.

During the entire course of the plague, religious leaders held significant power; it could be a force for good if used properly, or it could cause tremendous harm if driven by fanaticism or intolerance. In this case, a worse motivation than either of these guided the leader. He was a fraud in every sense of the word. He had lost all sense of right and self-respect in his early life due to his indulgence in harmful habits. When ambition stirred within him, he surrendered to it without any moral hesitation. His father was a Methodist preacher, a passionate man with good intentions, but his damaging beliefs about election and special grace had eroded any sense of conscience in his son. During the spread of the plague, he launched various schemes to gain followers and power. Adrian had uncovered and thwarted these plans; however, Adrian was away, allowing the wolf to don the shepherd's clothing, and the flock fell for the trick. He had built a following in the few weeks he had been in Paris, zealously spreading his message of a divine mission, convincing others that safety and salvation could only be found by trusting in him.

When once the spirit of dissension had arisen, the most frivolous causes gave it activity. The first party, on arriving at Paris, had taken possession of the Tuileries; chance and friendly feeling had induced the second to lodge near to them. A contest arose concerning the distribution of the pillage; the chiefs of the first division demanded that the whole should be placed at their disposal; with this assumption the opposite party refused to comply. When next the latter went to forage, the gates of Paris were shut on them. After overcoming this difficulty, they marched in a body to the Tuileries. They found that their enemies had been already expelled thence by the Elect, as the fanatical party designated themselves, who refused to admit any into the palace who did not first abjure obedience to all except God, and his delegate on earth, their chief. Such was the beginning of the strife, which at length proceeded so far, that the three divisions, armed, met in the Place Vendome, each resolved to subdue by force the resistance of its adversaries. They assembled, their muskets were loaded, and even pointed at the breasts of their so called enemies. One word had been sufficient; and there the last of mankind would have burthened their souls with the crime of murder, and dipt their hands in each other’s blood. A sense of shame, a recollection that not only their cause, but the existence of the whole human race was at stake, entered the breast of the leader of the more numerous party. He was aware, that if the ranks were thinned, no other recruits could fill them up; that each man was as a priceless gem in a kingly crown, which if destroyed, the earth’s deep entrails could yield no paragon. He was a young man, and had been hurried on by presumption, and the notion of his high rank and superiority to all other pretenders; now he repented his work, he felt that all the blood about to be shed would be on his head; with sudden impulse therefore he spurred his horse between the bands, and, having fixed a white handkerchief on the point of his uplifted sword, thus demanded parley; the opposite leaders obeyed the signal. He spoke with warmth; he reminded them of the oath all the chiefs had taken to submit to the Lord Protector; he declared their present meeting to be an act of treason and mutiny; he allowed that he had been hurried away by passion, but that a cooler moment had arrived; and he proposed that each party should send deputies to the Earl of Windsor, inviting his interference and offering submission to his decision. His offer was accepted so far, that each leader consented to command a retreat, and moreover agreed, that after the approbation of their several parties had been consulted, they should meet that night on some neutral spot to ratify the truce. At the meeting of the chiefs, this plan was finally concluded upon. The leader of the fanatics indeed refused to admit the arbitration of Adrian; he sent ambassadors, rather than deputies, to assert his claim, not plead his cause.

Once the spirit of disagreement kicked in, even the smallest things sparked tension. The first group, upon arriving in Paris, took over the Tuileries; chance and friendship led the second group to settle nearby. A conflict emerged over dividing the loot; the leaders of the first group demanded that all the spoils be given to them, and the other side refused to go along with this. When the latter group set out to scavenge, the gates of Paris were closed to them. After overcoming this hurdle, they marched together to the Tuileries, only to find their enemies had already been expelled by a faction that called themselves the Elect, who wouldn't allow anyone into the palace unless they first renounced allegiance to everyone except God and their leader. This was the start of the conflict, which escalated to the point where three armed factions met in the Place Vendome, each determined to overpower the others by force. They gathered, muskets loaded, even aimed at the chests of their so-called foes. Just one word could have led to a massacre, staining their souls with murder and their hands with each other’s blood. A sense of shame and the realization that not only their cause but the survival of all humanity was at risk struck the heart of the leader of the larger group. He knew that if their ranks were decimated, no new recruits could replace them; every man was like a precious gem in a royal crown, irreplaceable if lost. He was young, swept up in arrogance and the belief in his superiority over all others; but now he regretted his actions. He felt responsible for the bloodshed that was about to follow. Driven by impulse, he rode between the factions, and with a white handkerchief tied to his raised sword, he called for a parley. The opposing leaders responded to his signal. He spoke passionately, reminding them of the oath all the leaders had taken to obey the Lord Protector; he declared their meeting to be an act of treason and rebellion, admitting that he had been swept up in emotions but that a cooler moment had arrived. He proposed that each side send representatives to the Earl of Windsor, inviting his help and agreeing to abide by his decision. His proposal was accepted to the extent that each leader agreed to call for a retreat, and they also decided that, after consulting their respective groups, they would meet that evening in a neutral place to confirm the truce. At the gathering of the leaders, this plan was finalized. The leader of the fanatics, however, refused to accept Adrian’s mediation; he sent ambassadors instead of deputies to assert his claim rather than pleading his case.

The truce was to continue until the first of February, when the bands were again to assemble on the Place Vendome; it was of the utmost consequence therefore that Adrian should arrive in Paris by that day, since an hair might turn the scale, and peace, scared away by intestine broils, might only return to watch by the silent dead. It was now the twenty-eighth of January; every vessel stationed near Dover had been beaten to pieces and destroyed by the furious storms I have commemorated. Our journey however would admit of no delay. That very night, Adrian, and I, and twelve others, either friends or attendants, put off from the English shore, in the boat that had brought over the deputies. We all took our turn at the oar; and the immediate occasion of our departure affording us abundant matter for conjecture and discourse, prevented the feeling that we left our native country, depopulate England, for the last time, to enter deeply into the minds of the greater part of our number. It was a serene starlight night, and the dark line of the English coast continued for some time visible at intervals, as we rose on the broad back of the waves. I exerted myself with my long oar to give swift impulse to our skiff; and, while the waters splashed with melancholy sound against its sides, I looked with sad affection on this last glimpse of sea-girt England, and strained my eyes not too soon to lose sight of the castellated cliff, which rose to protect the land of heroism and beauty from the inroads of ocean, that, turbulent as I had lately seen it, required such cyclopean walls for its repulsion. A solitary sea-gull winged its flight over our heads, to seek its nest in a cleft of the precipice. Yes, thou shalt revisit the land of thy birth, I thought, as I looked invidiously on the airy voyager; but we shall, never more! Tomb of Idris, farewell! Grave, in which my heart lies sepultured, farewell for ever!

The truce was set to last until the first of February, when the groups were supposed to gather again at Place Vendôme. It was crucial for Adrian to arrive in Paris by that day, as even a slight change could affect everything, and peace, chased away by internal conflicts, might only return to mourn the silent dead. It was now January 28th; every ship near Dover had been wrecked and destroyed by the fierce storms I've mentioned. However, we couldn’t afford any delays. That very night, Adrian, a dozen others—friends or attendants—and I set off from the English shore in the boat that had brought over the delegates. We all took turns rowing, and the reason for our departure gave us plenty to speculate about and discuss, keeping most of us from feeling the weight of leaving our depopulated homeland for possibly the last time. It was a clear, starry night, and the dark outline of the English coast remained visible for a while as we rose with the waves. I pushed hard with my oar to speed up our little boat, and while the water splashed against its sides with a sad sound, I looked back fondly at this final view of sea-bound England, straining my eyes to take in every last sight of the castle-like cliffs that protected the land of courage and beauty from the fierce ocean, which, as turbulent as I had recently seen it, needed such monumental walls for its defense. A lone seagull flew overhead, searching for its nest in the cliff’s crevice. Yes, you will revisit the land of your birth, I thought enviously as I watched the graceful bird; but we will never return! Tomb of Idris, goodbye! Grave, where my heart lies buried, farewell forever!

We were twelve hours at sea, and the heavy swell obliged us to exert all our strength. At length, by mere dint of rowing, we reached the French coast. The stars faded, and the grey morning cast a dim veil over the silver horns of the waning moon—the sun rose broad and red from the sea, as we walked over the sands to Calais. Our first care was to procure horses, and although wearied by our night of watching and toil, some of our party immediately went in quest of these in the wide fields of the unenclosed and now barren plain round Calais. We divided ourselves, like seamen, into watches, and some reposed, while others prepared the morning’s repast. Our foragers returned at noon with only six horses—on these, Adrian and I, and four others, proceeded on our journey towards the great city, which its inhabitants had fondly named the capital of the civilized world. Our horses had become, through their long holiday, almost wild, and we crossed the plain round Calais with impetuous speed. From the height near Boulogne, I turned again to look on England; nature had cast a misty pall over her, her cliff was hidden—there was spread the watery barrier that divided us, never again to be crossed; she lay on the ocean plain,

We had been at sea for twelve hours, and the rough waves forced us to use all our strength. Finally, through sheer effort, we reached the French coast. The stars faded away, and the grey morning cast a dull light over the silver crescent of the waning moon—the sun rose big and red from the sea as we walked across the sands to Calais. Our first priority was to find horses, and even though we were exhausted from our night of vigilance and hard work, some members of our group immediately set off to look for them in the vast fields of the now barren plain around Calais. We divided ourselves, like sailors, into shifts; some rested while others prepared breakfast. Our foragers came back at noon with only six horses—so, Adrian, I, and four others continued our journey toward the great city, which its people had lovingly dubbed the capital of the civilized world. Our horses had become almost wild from their long time off, and we crossed the plain around Calais at a rapid pace. From the height near Boulogne, I looked back at England one more time; a misty shroud covered her, hiding her cliffs—there lay the watery barrier that divided us, never to be crossed again; she rested on the ocean plain,

In the great pool a swan’s nest.

In the big pool, there's a swan's nest.

Ruined the nest, alas! the swans of Albion had passed away for ever—an uninhabited rock in the wide Pacific, which had remained since the creation uninhabited, unnamed, unmarked, would be of as much account in the world’s future history, as desert England.

Ruined the nest, sadly! The swans of Albion were gone forever—an uninhabited rock in the vast Pacific, which had stayed unoccupied, unnamed, and unmarked since the dawn of time, would be just as significant in the world’s future history as a desolate England.

Our journey was impeded by a thousand obstacles. As our horses grew tired, we had to seek for others; and hours were wasted, while we exhausted our artifices to allure some of these enfranchised slaves of man to resume the yoke; or as we went from stable to stable through the towns, hoping to find some who had not forgotten the shelter of their native stalls. Our ill success in procuring them, obliged us continually to leave some one of our companions behind; and on the first of February, Adrian and I entered Paris, wholly unaccompanied. The serene morning had dawned when we arrived at Saint Denis, and the sun was high, when the clamour of voices, and the clash, as we feared, of weapons, guided us to where our countrymen had assembled on the Place Vendome. We passed a knot of Frenchmen, who were talking earnestly of the madness of the insular invaders, and then coming by a sudden turn upon the Place, we saw the sun glitter on drawn swords and fixed bayonets, while yells and clamours rent the air. It was a scene of unaccustomed confusion in these days of depopulation. Roused by fancied wrongs, and insulting scoffs, the opposite parties had rushed to attack each other; while the elect, drawn up apart, seemed to wait an opportunity to fall with better advantage on their foes, when they should have mutually weakened each other. A merciful power interposed, and no blood was shed; for, while the insane mob were in the very act of attack, the females, wives, mothers and daughters, rushed between; they seized the bridles; they embraced the knees of the horsemen, and hung on the necks, or enweaponed arms of their enraged relatives; the shrill female scream was mingled with the manly shout, and formed the wild clamour that welcomed us on our arrival.

Our journey was blocked by a thousand obstacles. As our horses grew tired, we had to look for others, wasting hours as we tried to entice some of these freed slaves to take on the yoke again; or as we went from stable to stable through the towns, hoping to find some who hadn’t forgotten the comfort of their old stalls. Our lack of success in finding them forced us to constantly leave one of our friends behind, and on February 1st, Adrian and I entered Paris completely alone. It was a calm morning when we reached Saint Denis, and the sun was high by the time we heard the loud voices and clashing sounds, which led us to where our fellow countrymen had gathered in Place Vendome. We passed a group of Frenchmen who were passionately discussing the craziness of the island invaders, and then, turning suddenly onto the Place, we saw the sun glinting off drawn swords and fixed bayonets, while shouts and chaos filled the air. It was an unusual scene of confusion in these times of depopulation. Fueled by perceived wrongs and taunts, the opposing parties rushed to attack each other, while the chosen few stood apart, seeming to wait for the right moment to strike once both sides had weakened each other. A merciful force intervened, and no blood was shed; as the frenzied mob prepared to attack, the women—wives, mothers, and daughters—rushed in between them; they grabbed the bridles, clung to the knees of the horsemen, and hung onto the necks or armed arms of their furious relatives; the piercing screams of the women mixed with the shouts of men, creating the wild clamor that welcomed us upon our arrival.

Our voices could not be heard in the tumult; Adrian however was eminent for the white charger he rode; spurring him, he dashed into the midst of the throng: he was recognized, and a loud cry raised for England and the Protector. The late adversaries, warmed to affection at the sight of him, joined in heedless confusion, and surrounded him; the women kissed his hands, and the edges of his garments; nay, his horse received tribute of their embraces; some wept their welcome; he appeared an angel of peace descended among them; and the only danger was, that his mortal nature would be demonstrated, by his suffocation from the kindness of his friends. His voice was at length heard, and obeyed; the crowd fell back; the chiefs alone rallied round him. I had seen Lord Raymond ride through his lines; his look of victory, and majestic mien obtained the respect and obedience of all: such was not the appearance or influence of Adrian. His slight figure, his fervent look, his gesture, more of deprecation than rule, were proofs that love, unmingled with fear, gave him dominion over the hearts of a multitude, who knew that he never flinched from danger, nor was actuated by other motives than care for the general welfare. No distinction was now visible between the two parties, late ready to shed each other’s blood, for, though neither would submit to the other, they both yielded ready obedience to the Earl of Windsor.

Our voices couldn’t be heard in the chaos; Adrian, however, was well-known for the white horse he rode. Spurring him on, he charged into the middle of the crowd. He was recognized, and a loud cheer went up for England and the Protector. The former opponents, warmed with affection at the sight of him, joined together in careless confusion and surrounded him; the women kissed his hands and the edges of his clothes; even his horse received their hugs; some wept with joy at his presence. He seemed like an angel of peace come down among them; the only danger was that his human nature might be overwhelmed by the affection of his friends. Eventually, his voice was heard and obeyed; the crowd stepped back, and only the leaders gathered around him. I had seen Lord Raymond ride through his lines; his victorious look and majestic presence commanded respect and obedience from everyone. Adrian did not have that same appearance or influence. His slender figure, passionate gaze, and gestures, more about humility than authority, showed that love, free of fear, gave him power over the hearts of a crowd who knew he never backed down from danger and was driven solely by his concern for their well-being. There was no longer any visible divide between the two groups, who had just been ready to spill each other’s blood; for, while neither would submit to the other, they both willingly obeyed the Earl of Windsor.

One party however remained, cut off from the rest, which did not sympathize in the joy exhibited on Adrian’s arrival, or imbibe the spirit of peace, which fell like dew upon the softened hearts of their countrymen. At the head of this assembly was a ponderous, dark-looking man, whose malign eye surveyed with gloating delight the stern looks of his followers. They had hitherto been inactive, but now, perceiving themselves to be forgotten in the universal jubilee, they advanced with threatening gestures: our friends had, as it were in wanton contention, attacked each other; they wanted but to be told that their cause was one, for it to become so: their mutual anger had been a fire of straw, compared to the slow-burning hatred they both entertained for these seceders, who seized a portion of the world to come, there to entrench and incastellate themselves, and to issue with fearful sally, and appalling denunciations, on the mere common children of the earth. The first advance of the little army of the elect reawakened their rage; they grasped their arms, and waited but their leader’s signal to commence the attack, when the clear tones of Adrian’s voice were heard, commanding them to fall back; with confused murmur and hurried retreat, as the wave ebbs clamorously from the sands it lately covered, our friends obeyed. Adrian rode singly into the space between the opposing bands; he approached the hostile leader, as requesting him to imitate his example, but his look was not obeyed, and the chief advanced, followed by his whole troop. There were many women among them, who seemed more eager and resolute than their male companions. They pressed round their leader, as if to shield him, while they loudly bestowed on him every sacred denomination and epithet of worship. Adrian met them half way; they halted: “What,” he said, “do you seek? Do you require any thing of us that we refuse to give, and that you are forced to acquire by arms and warfare?”

One group, however, was separated from the rest, indifferent to the joy shown at Adrian’s arrival and untouched by the peaceful atmosphere that had settled over their fellow countrymen. Leading this group was a heavyset, grim-looking man whose malicious gaze reveled in the harsh expressions of his followers. They had previously stood idle, but now, feeling overlooked in the widespread celebration, they moved closer with menacing gestures: our allies had, in a fit of reckless rivalry, turned on each other; all they needed was to hear that their cause was the same for it to truly become so. Their shared anger had been a brief flare, compared to the deep-seated hatred they both held for these outsiders, who claimed a part of the afterlife to fortify themselves and launch fierce attacks, along with terrifying threats, against ordinary people. The first movement of the small group of chosen ones reignited their fury; they grabbed their weapons and awaited their leader's command to attack when Adrian’s clear voice rang out, instructing them to pull back. With confused murmurs and a hasty retreat, like waves receding noisily from the shore, our allies complied. Adrian rode alone into the space between the opposing groups; he approached the hostile leader, trying to encourage him to follow his example, but his request was ignored, and the leader advanced, with his entire troop behind him. Among them were many women, who appeared more eager and determined than their male counterparts. They surrounded their leader as if to protect him, loudly showering him with every sacred title and term of reverence. Adrian met them halfway; they paused. “What,” he asked, “are you looking for? Is there something you want from us that we won’t provide, forcing you to resort to arms and warfare?”

His questions were answered by a general cry, in which the words election, sin, and red right arm of God, could alone be heard.

His questions were met with a loud response, where only the words election, sin, and the red right arm of God could be heard.

Adrian looked expressly at their leader, saying, “Can you not silence your followers? Mine, you perceive, obey me.”

Adrian looked directly at their leader and said, “Can’t you quiet your followers? As you can see, mine listen to me.”

The fellow answered by a scowl; and then, perhaps fearful that his people should become auditors of the debate he expected to ensue, he commanded them to fall back, and advanced by himself. “What, I again ask,” said Adrian, “do you require of us?”

The guy replied with a scowl; and then, maybe worried that his people would overhear the debate he anticipated, he ordered them to step back and moved forward on his own. “What, I ask again,” said Adrian, “do you want from us?”

“Repentance,” replied the man, whose sinister brow gathered clouds as he spoke. “Obedience to the will of the Most High, made manifest to these his Elected People. Do we not all die through your sins, O generation of unbelief, and have we not a right to demand of you repentance and obedience?”

“Repentance,” replied the man, whose dark brow furrowed as he spoke. “Following the will of the Most High, made known to His Chosen People. Do we not all die because of your sins, O generation of disbelief, and do we not have the right to demand repentance and obedience from you?”

“And if we refuse them, what then?” his opponent inquired mildly.

“And if we say no to them, what happens then?” his opponent asked calmly.

“Beware,” cried the man, “God hears you, and will smite your stony heart in his wrath; his poisoned arrows fly, his dogs of death are unleashed! We will not perish unrevenged—and mighty will our avenger be, when he descends in visible majesty, and scatters destruction among you.”

“Watch out,” shouted the man, “God hears you and will strike your cold heart in his anger; his poisoned arrows are flying, and his hounds of death are unleashed! We will not die without revenge—and our avenger will be powerful when he comes down in visible glory and brings destruction among you.”

“My good fellow,” said Adrian, with quiet scorn, “I wish that you were ignorant only, and I think it would be no difficult task to prove to you, that you speak of what you do not understand. On the present occasion however, it is enough for me to know that you seek nothing of us; and, heaven is our witness, we seek nothing of you. I should be sorry to embitter by strife the few days that we any of us may have here to live; when there,” he pointed downwards, “we shall not be able to contend, while here we need not. Go home, or stay; pray to your God in your own mode; your friends may do the like. My orisons consist in peace and good will, in resignation and hope. Farewell!”

“My good man,” said Adrian, with quiet disdain, “I wish you were just naive, and I could easily show you that you’re talking about things you don’t understand. However, right now, it’s enough for me to know that you’re not asking anything of us; and, as God is my witness, we aren’t asking anything of you. I would hate to ruin the little time we all have left here with conflict; when we get there,” he pointed downwards, “we won’t be able to argue, and since we don’t have to here, let’s not. Go home or stay; pray to your God in your own way; your friends can do the same. My prayers are about peace and goodwill, acceptance and hope. Goodbye!”

He bowed slightly to the angry disputant who was about to reply; and, turning his horse down Rue Saint Honore, called on his friends to follow him. He rode slowly, to give time to all to join him at the Barrier, and then issued his orders that those who yielded obedience to him, should rendezvous at Versailles. In the meantime he remained within the walls of Paris, until he had secured the safe retreat of all. In about a fortnight the remainder of the emigrants arrived from England, and they all repaired to Versailles; apartments were prepared for the family of the Protector in the Grand Trianon, and there, after the excitement of these events, we reposed amidst the luxuries of the departed Bourbons.

He gave a slight bow to the angry person ready to respond and, turning his horse down Rue Saint-Honoré, called for his friends to follow him. He rode slowly to give everyone time to catch up with him at the Barrier, and then he gave orders for those who would obey him to meet at Versailles. In the meantime, he stayed within the walls of Paris until he had ensured everyone’s safe retreat. About two weeks later, the rest of the emigrants arrived from England, and they all went to Versailles; accommodations were arranged for the Protector's family in the Grand Trianon, where, after the excitement of these events, we relaxed amidst the luxuries of the fallen Bourbons.

[21] Chorus in Œdipus Coloneus.

Chorus in Oedipus at Colonus.

CHAPTER V.

After the repose of a few days, we held a council, to decide on our future movements. Our first plan had been to quit our wintry native latitude, and seek for our diminished numbers the luxuries and delights of a southern climate. We had not fixed on any precise spot as the termination of our wanderings; but a vague picture of perpetual spring, fragrant groves, and sparkling streams, floated in our imagination to entice us on. A variety of causes had detained us in England, and we had now arrived at the middle of February; if we pursued our original project, we should find ourselves in a worse situation than before, having exchanged our temperate climate for the intolerable heats of a summer in Egypt or Persia. We were therefore obliged to modify our plan, as the season continued to be inclement; and it was determined that we should await the arrival of spring in our present abode, and so order our future movements as to pass the hot months in the icy vallies of Switzerland, deferring our southern progress until the ensuing autumn, if such a season was ever again to be beheld by us.

After a few days of rest, we held a meeting to figure out our next steps. Our initial plan was to leave our cold home and find a warm southern climate that could provide for our reduced group. We hadn't pinned down a specific destination for our journey, but we had a vague image in our minds of eternal spring, fragrant groves, and sparkling streams that motivated us to keep going. Various reasons had kept us in England, and now it was mid-February; if we stuck to our original plan, we would end up in a worse situation, trading our mild climate for the unbearable heat of summer in Egypt or Persia. So, we had to adjust our plan since the weather was still harsh; it was decided that we would wait for spring in our current location and arrange our future travels to spend the hot months in the icy valleys of Switzerland, postponing our southern journey until the next autumn, assuming we would ever see such a season again.

The castle and town of Versailles afforded our numbers ample accommodation, and foraging parties took it by turns to supply our wants. There was a strange and appalling motley in the situation of these the last of the race. At first I likened it to a colony, which borne over the far seas, struck root for the first time in a new country. But where was the bustle and industry characteristic of such an assemblage; the rudely constructed dwelling, which was to suffice till a more commodious mansion could be built; the marking out of fields; the attempt at cultivation; the eager curiosity to discover unknown animals and herbs; the excursions for the sake of exploring the country? Our habitations were palaces—our food was ready stored in granaries—there was no need of labour, no inquisitiveness, no restless desire to get on. If we had been assured that we should secure the lives of our present numbers, there would have been more vivacity and hope in our councils. We should have discussed as to the period when the existing produce for man’s sustenance would no longer suffice for us, and what mode of life we should then adopt. We should have considered more carefully our future plans, and debated concerning the spot where we should in future dwell. But summer and the plague were near, and we dared not look forward. Every heart sickened at the thought of amusement; if the younger part of our community were ever impelled, by youthful and untamed hilarity, to enter on any dance or song, to cheer the melancholy time, they would suddenly break off, checked by a mournful look or agonizing sigh from any one among them, who was prevented by sorrows and losses from mingling in the festivity. If laughter echoed under our roof, yet the heart was vacant of joy; and, when ever it chanced that I witnessed such attempts at pastime, they encreased instead of diminishing my sense of woe. In the midst of the pleasure-hunting throng, I would close my eyes, and see before me the obscure cavern, where was garnered the mortality of Idris, and the dead lay around, mouldering in hushed repose. When I again became aware of the present hour, softest melody of Lydian flute, or harmonious maze of graceful dance, was but as the demoniac chorus in the Wolf’s Glen, and the caperings of the reptiles that surrounded the magic circle.

The castle and town of Versailles had plenty of space for us, and groups took turns gathering what we needed. There was something strange and unsettling about the situation of the last of our people. At first, I compared it to a colony that had crossed the ocean and was trying to settle in a new land for the first time. But where was the hustle and bustle typical of such a gathering? The makeshift homes to get by until better ones could be built, the marking out of fields, attempts at farming, the curiosity to discover new animals and plants, and the explorations to learn about the land? Our homes were palaces—our food was stored in granaries—there was no need for hard work, no curiosity, no restless drive to move forward. If we had known we could secure the lives of our current numbers, our discussions would have been more lively and hopeful. We would have talked about when the current food supply would no longer meet our needs and what lifestyle we should adopt then. We would have thought more about our future plans and debated where we should live next. But summer and the plague were approaching, and we didn't dare to look ahead. Each heart was heavy at the thought of having fun; whenever the younger people felt the urge to dance or sing to lift the somber mood, they would suddenly stop, held back by a sad look or pained sigh from someone who couldn't join in due to their own grief and losses. Even if laughter echoed in our home, the heart felt empty of joy; whenever I witnessed such attempts at fun, they only deepened my sadness. In the middle of the cheerful crowd, I would close my eyes and see the dark cave where Idris’s remains were kept, surrounded by the dead, quietly decaying. When I opened my eyes to the present moment, the sweetest melodies of the Lydian flute or the graceful dance were like a wicked chorus in the Wolf’s Glen, and the movements of the creatures around the magic circle.

My dearest interval of peace occurred, when, released from the obligation of associating with the crowd, I could repose in the dear home where my children lived. Children I say, for the tenderest emotions of paternity bound me to Clara. She was now fourteen; sorrow, and deep insight into the scenes around her, calmed the restless spirit of girlhood; while the remembrance of her father whom she idolized, and respect for me and Adrian, implanted an high sense of duty in her young heart. Though serious she was not sad; the eager desire that makes us all, when young, plume our wings, and stretch our necks, that we may more swiftly alight tiptoe on the height of maturity, was subdued in her by early experience. All that she could spare of overflowing love from her parents’ memory, and attention to her living relatives, was spent upon religion. This was the hidden law of her heart, which she concealed with childish reserve, and cherished the more because it was secret. What faith so entire, what charity so pure, what hope so fervent, as that of early youth? and she, all love, all tenderness and trust, who from infancy had been tossed on the wide sea of passion and misfortune, saw the finger of apparent divinity in all, and her best hope was to make herself acceptable to the power she worshipped. Evelyn was only five years old; his joyous heart was incapable of sorrow, and he enlivened our house with the innocent mirth incident to his years.

My favorite time of peace came when I was free from the obligation of being around the crowd, allowing me to rest in the beloved home where my children lived. I say children because the deepest feelings of fatherhood connected me to Clara. At fourteen, she had endured sorrow and gained a deep understanding of the world around her, which calmed her once restless teenage spirit. The memory of her idolized father, along with her respect for me and Adrian, instilled a strong sense of duty in her young heart. Although she was serious, she wasn’t sad; the eager desire that drives all of us to stretch our wings and reach for the heights of maturity was tempered in her by early experiences. The overflowing love she had for her parents' memory and her attention to her living relatives was channeled into her faith. This was the hidden truth of her heart, which she kept with youthful shyness, but cherished even more because it was a secret. What faith is so complete, what charity is so pure, what hope is so intense, as that of youth? She, filled with love, tenderness, and trust, who had been tossed on the turbulent sea of passion and hardship since infancy, saw the touch of the divine in everything, and her greatest hope was to make herself worthy of the power she adored. Evelyn was only five; his joyful heart could not feel sorrow, and he brought innocent laughter to our home, typical of his age.

The aged Countess of Windsor had fallen from her dream of power, rank and grandeur; she had been suddenly seized with the conviction, that love was the only good of life, virtue the only ennobling distinction and enriching wealth. Such a lesson had been taught her by the dead lips of her neglected daughter; and she devoted herself, with all the fiery violence of her character, to the obtaining the affection of the remnants of her family. In early years the heart of Adrian had been chilled towards her; and, though he observed a due respect, her coldness, mixed with the recollection of disappointment and madness, caused him to feel even pain in her society. She saw this, and yet determined to win his love; the obstacle served the rather to excite her ambition. As Henry, Emperor of Germany, lay in the snow before Pope Leo’s gate for three winter days and nights, so did she in humility wait before the icy barriers of his closed heart, till he, the servant of love, and prince of tender courtesy, opened it wide for her admittance, bestowing, with fervency and gratitude, the tribute of filial affection she merited. Her understanding, courage, and presence of mind, became powerful auxiliaries to him in the difficult task of ruling the tumultuous crowd, which were subjected to his control, in truth by a single hair.

The elderly Countess of Windsor had fallen from her dream of power, status, and grandeur; she had suddenly come to the realization that love was the only true good in life, virtue the only noble distinction, and wealth the only enriching resource. This lesson had been imparted to her by the lifeless lips of her neglected daughter; and she dedicated herself, with all the fiery passion of her character, to gaining the affection of the remaining

The principal circumstances that disturbed our tranquillity during this interval, originated in the vicinity of the impostor-prophet and his followers. They continued to reside at Paris; but missionaries from among them often visited Versailles—and such was the power of assertions, however false, yet vehemently iterated, over the ready credulity of the ignorant and fearful, that they seldom failed in drawing over to their party some from among our numbers. An instance of this nature coming immediately under our notice, we were led to consider the miserable state in which we should leave our countrymen, when we should, at the approach of summer, move on towards Switzerland, and leave a deluded crew behind us in the hands of their miscreant leader. The sense of the smallness of our numbers, and expectation of decrease, pressed upon us; and, while it would be a subject of congratulation to ourselves to add one to our party, it would be doubly gratifying to rescue from the pernicious influence of superstition and unrelenting tyranny, the victims that now, though voluntarily enchained, groaned beneath it. If we had considered the preacher as sincere in a belief of his own denunciations, or only moderately actuated by kind feeling in the exercise of his assumed powers, we should have immediately addressed ourselves to him, and endeavoured with our best arguments to soften and humanize his views. But he was instigated by ambition, he desired to rule over these last stragglers from the fold of death; his projects went so far, as to cause him to calculate that, if, from these crushed remains, a few survived, so that a new race should spring up, he, by holding tight the reins of belief, might be remembered by the post-pestilential race as a patriarch, a prophet, nay a deity; such as of old among the post-diluvians were Jupiter the conqueror, Serapis the lawgiver, and Vishnou the preserver. These ideas made him inflexible in his rule, and violent in his hate of any who presumed to share with him his usurped empire.

The main things that disrupted our peace during this time came from the area around the fake prophet and his followers. They continued to live in Paris, but missionaries from their group often traveled to Versailles—and the power of their repeated false claims easily preyed on the gullibility of the ignorant and afraid, so they seldom failed to sway some of our people to their side. When we noticed an example of this, we began to worry about the terrible situation we would leave our fellow countrymen in when we moved toward Switzerland as summer approached, abandoning a confused group in the hands of their deceitful leader. The realization of our small numbers and the anticipation of dwindling further weighed heavily on us; while it would be a reason for us to celebrate if we added someone to our group, it would be even more rewarding to free those who were willingly trapped under the oppressive influence of superstition and harsh tyranny. If we had thought the preacher genuinely believed in his own threats, or showed some kindness in using his supposed powers, we would have approached him directly and tried our best to persuade him to soften his views. But he was driven by ambition, wanting to dominate the last stragglers from the community. His plans went so far as to imagine that if a few survived from this broken group and a new generation arose, he might be remembered by the post-plague descendants as a patriarch, a prophet, or even a god; similar to how Jupiter the conqueror, Serapis the lawgiver, and Vishnou the preserver were remembered after the flood. These thoughts made him rigid in his control and fierce in his hatred of anyone who dared to share in his usurped power.

It is a strange fact, but incontestible, that the philanthropist, who ardent in his desire to do good, who patient, reasonable and gentle, yet disdains to use other argument than truth, has less influence over men’s minds, than he who, grasping and selfish, refuses not to adopt any means, nor awaken any passion, nor diffuse any falsehood, for the advancement of his cause. If this from time immemorial has been the case, the contrast was infinitely greater, now that the one could bring harrowing fears and transcendent hopes into play; while the other had few hopes to hold forth, nor could influence the imagination to diminish the fears which he himself was the first to entertain. The preacher had persuaded his followers, that their escape from the plague, the salvation of their children, and the rise of a new race of men from their seed, depended on their faith in, and their submission to him. They greedily imbibed this belief; and their over-weening credulity even rendered them eager to make converts to the same faith.

It’s a strange but undeniable fact that the philanthropist, who is passionate about doing good, and is patient, reasonable, and gentle, still has less influence over people’s minds than someone who, greedy and selfish, isn’t afraid to use any means necessary, stir up any passions, or spread any falsehoods to promote his agenda. If this has been true throughout history, the gap is even wider now that one can tap into terrifying fears and lofty hopes, while the other has few hopes to offer and can’t sway people’s imaginations to ease the fears he himself first feels. The preacher convinced his followers that their escape from the plague, the safety of their children, and the emergence of a new generation from their blood depended on their faith in him and their obedience. They eagerly accepted this belief, and their excessive credulity even made them eager to convert others to the same faith.

How to seduce any individuals from such an alliance of fraud, was a frequent subject of Adrian’s meditations and discourse. He formed many plans for the purpose; but his own troop kept him in full occupation to ensure their fidelity and safety; beside which the preacher was as cautious and prudent, as he was cruel. His victims lived under the strictest rules and laws, which either entirely imprisoned them within the Tuileries, or let them out in such numbers, and under such leaders, as precluded the possibility of controversy. There was one among them however whom I resolved to save; she had been known to us in happier days; Idris had loved her; and her excellent nature made it peculiarly lamentable that she should be sacrificed by this merciless cannibal of souls.

How to seduce anyone from such a fraudulent alliance was a common topic of Adrian’s thoughts and discussions. He came up with many plans for this purpose, but his own group kept him fully occupied, ensuring their loyalty and safety. Plus, the preacher was as cautious and smart as he was cruel. His victims lived under strict rules and laws that either completely trapped them in the Tuileries or allowed them to leave in such numbers and under such leaders that any chance of dissent was eliminated. However, there was one among them that I was determined to save; she had been known to us in better times; Idris had loved her, and her remarkable nature made it especially tragic that she should be victimized by this heartless predator of souls.

This man had between two and three hundred persons enlisted under his banners. More than half of them were women; there were about fifty children of all ages; and not more than eighty men. They were mostly drawn from that which, when such distinctions existed, was denominated the lower rank of society. The exceptions consisted of a few high-born females, who, panic-struck, and tamed by sorrow, had joined him. Among these was one, young, lovely, and enthusiastic, whose very goodness made her a more easy victim. I have mentioned her before: Juliet, the youngest daughter, and now sole relic of the ducal house of L—-. There are some beings, whom fate seems to select on whom to pour, in unmeasured portion, the vials of her wrath, and whom she bathes even to the lips in misery. Such a one was the ill-starred Juliet. She had lost her indulgent parents, her brothers and sisters, companions of her youth; in one fell swoop they had been carried off from her. Yet she had again dared to call herself happy; united to her admirer, to him who possessed and filled her whole heart, she yielded to the lethean powers of love, and knew and felt only his life and presence. At the very time when with keen delight she welcomed the tokens of maternity, this sole prop of her life failed, her husband died of the plague. For a time she had been lulled in insanity; the birth of her child restored her to the cruel reality of things, but gave her at the same time an object for whom to preserve at once life and reason. Every friend and relative had died off, and she was reduced to solitude and penury; deep melancholy and angry impatience distorted her judgment, so that she could not persuade herself to disclose her distress to us. When she heard of the plan of universal emigration, she resolved to remain behind with her child, and alone in wide England to live or die, as fate might decree, beside the grave of her beloved. She had hidden herself in one of the many empty habitations of London; it was she who rescued my Idris on the fatal twentieth of November, though my immediate danger, and the subsequent illness of Idris, caused us to forget our hapless friend. This circumstance had however brought her again in contact with her fellow-creatures; a slight illness of her infant, proved to her that she was still bound to humanity by an indestructible tie; to preserve this little creature’s life became the object of her being, and she joined the first division of migrants who went over to Paris.

This man had between two and three hundred people rallied under his banner. More than half of them were women; there were about fifty children of all ages; and no more than eighty were men. They mostly came from what, in those times, was known as the lower class of society. The exceptions were a few noble women who, scared and broken by grief, had joined him. Among them was one young, beautiful, and passionate woman, whose very goodness made her a more vulnerable target. I’ve mentioned her before: Juliet, the youngest daughter and now the last surviving member of the ducal house of L—-. Some individuals seem to attract fate’s wrath, getting drenched in misery beyond measure. Such was the ill-fated Juliet. She had lost her loving parents, her brothers and sisters, her childhood companions; they had all been taken from her at once. Yet she still dared to call herself happy; connected to her admirer, the one who held and completed her heart, she surrendered to the calming powers of love and knew only his life and presence. Just when she welcomed the signs of motherhood with great joy, the only support in her life faded, her husband dying from the plague. For a while, she was lost in madness; the birth of her child brought her back to the harsh reality, but it also gave her a reason to fight for life and sanity. Every friend and relative had died, leaving her in loneliness and poverty; deep sadness and frustration clouded her judgment, preventing her from sharing her struggles with us. When she heard about the plan for mass migration, she decided to stay behind with her child, choosing to live or die alone in vast England by the grave of her beloved. She hid herself in one of the many empty homes in London; it was she who saved my Idris on that tragic twentieth of November, although my immediate danger and Idris’s subsequent illness made us forget our unfortunate friend. However, this situation brought her back into contact with humanity; a minor illness of her infant showed her that she remained connected to the world by an unbreakable bond; preserving this little creature's life became her reason for existence, and she joined the first group of migrants heading to Paris.

She became an easy prey to the methodist; her sensibility and acute fears rendered her accessible to every impulse; her love for her child made her eager to cling to the merest straw held out to save him. Her mind, once unstrung, and now tuned by roughest inharmonious hands, made her credulous: beautiful as fabled goddess, with voice of unrivalled sweetness, burning with new lighted enthusiasm, she became a stedfast proselyte, and powerful auxiliary to the leader of the elect. I had remarked her in the crowd, on the day we met on the Place Vendome; and, recollecting suddenly her providential rescue of my lost one, on the night of the twentieth of November, I reproached myself for my neglect and ingratitude, and felt impelled to leave no means that I could adopt untried, to recall her to her better self, and rescue her from the fangs of the hypocrite destroyer.

She became an easy target for the methodist; her sensitivity and intense fears made her respond to every impulse; her love for her child made her desperate to hold onto any possible hope to save him. Her mind, once unbalanced and now manipulated by rough and dissonant influences, made her gullible: as beautiful as a mythical goddess, with a voice of unmatched sweetness, burning with a newly ignited enthusiasm, she became a devoted follower and a powerful ally to the leader of the elect. I had noticed her in the crowd on the day we met at Place Vendôme; and, suddenly remembering her miraculous rescue of my lost one on the night of November twentieth, I felt guilty for my neglect and ingratitude, and I was determined to leave no stone unturned to bring her back to her true self and save her from the clutches of the hypocritical destroyer.

I will not, at this period of my story, record the artifices I used to penetrate the asylum of the Tuileries, or give what would be a tedious account of my stratagems, disappointments, and perseverance. I at last succeeded in entering these walls, and roamed its halls and corridors in eager hope to find my selected convert. In the evening I contrived to mingle unobserved with the congregation, which assembled in the chapel to listen to the crafty and eloquent harangue of their prophet. I saw Juliet near him. Her dark eyes, fearfully impressed with the restless glare of madness, were fixed on him; she held her infant, not yet a year old, in her arms; and care of it alone could distract her attention from the words to which she eagerly listened. After the sermon was over, the congregation dispersed; all quitted the chapel except she whom I sought; her babe had fallen asleep; so she placed it on a cushion, and sat on the floor beside, watching its tranquil slumber.

I won't, at this point in my story, go into the tricks I used to get into the Tuileries asylum, nor will I give a boring account of my plans, setbacks, and determination. I eventually managed to get inside, wandering through its halls and corridors in eager hope of finding my chosen convert. In the evening, I blended in unnoticed with the crowd gathered in the chapel to listen to the smooth and persuasive speech of their prophet. I saw Juliet near him. Her dark eyes, showing signs of the unsettling glare of madness, were focused on him; she held her baby, not even a year old, in her arms, and caring for it was the only thing that could pull her attention away from the words she was so intently listening to. After the sermon ended, the crowd dispersed; everyone left the chapel except for the one I was looking for; her baby had fallen asleep, so she placed it on a cushion and sat on the floor beside it, watching its peaceful slumber.

I presented myself to her; for a moment natural feeling produced a sentiment of gladness, which disappeared again, when with ardent and affectionate exhortation I besought her to accompany me in flight from this den of superstition and misery. In a moment she relapsed into the delirium of fanaticism, and, but that her gentle nature forbade, would have loaded me with execrations. She conjured me, she commanded me to leave her— “Beware, O beware,” she cried, “fly while yet your escape is practicable. Now you are safe; but strange sounds and inspirations come on me at times, and if the Eternal should in awful whisper reveal to me his will, that to save my child you must be sacrificed, I would call in the satellites of him you call the tyrant; they would tear you limb from limb; nor would I hallow the death of him whom Idris loved, by a single tear.”

I approached her, and for a moment, I felt a rush of happiness that quickly faded when, with intense and caring urgency, I pleaded with her to join me in escaping this place of superstition and suffering. In an instant, she fell back into a state of fanaticism, and if her gentle nature hadn’t held her back, she would have overwhelmed me with curses. She begged me, commanded me to leave her— “Beware, oh beware,” she shouted, “flee while you still can. Right now, you’re safe; but strange voices and impulses come to me sometimes, and if the Eternal should ever reveal His will in a terrifying whisper, that to save my child, you must be sacrificed, I would summon the followers of the one you call the tyrant; they would tear you apart, and I would not honor the death of the one whom Idris loved with even a single tear.”

She spoke hurriedly, with tuneless voice, and wild look; her child awoke, and, frightened, began to cry; each sob went to the ill-fated mother’s heart, and she mingled the epithets of endearment she addressed to her infant, with angry commands that I should leave her. Had I had the means, I would have risked all, have torn her by force from the murderer’s den, and trusted to the healing balm of reason and affection. But I had no choice, no power even of longer struggle; steps were heard along the gallery, and the voice of the preacher drew near. Juliet, straining her child in a close embrace, fled by another passage. Even then I would have followed her; but my foe and his satellites entered; I was surrounded, and taken prisoner.

She spoke quickly, with a voice that lacked melody and a frantic expression; her child woke up and, scared, started to cry. Each sob pierced the heart of the unfortunate mother, and she mixed affectionate words for her baby with angry demands that I should leave her. If I had the means, I would have risked everything, torn her away from the murderer’s lair, and relied on the healing power of reason and love. But I had no option, no strength left to fight; footsteps echoed along the hallway, and the preacher's voice drew closer. Juliet, holding her child tightly, escaped through another passage. I wanted to follow her; but my enemy and his companions arrived; I was surrounded and taken captive.

I remembered the menace of the unhappy Juliet, and expected the full tempest of the man’s vengeance, and the awakened wrath of his followers, to fall instantly upon me. I was questioned. My answers were simple and sincere. “His own mouth condemns him,” exclaimed the impostor; “he confesses that his intention was to seduce from the way of salvation our well-beloved sister in God; away with him to the dungeon; to-morrow he dies the death; we are manifestly called upon to make an example, tremendous and appalling, to scare the children of sin from our asylum of the saved.”

I remembered the threat from the unhappy Juliet and braced myself for the storm of the man's revenge and the furious anger of his followers to come crashing down on me. I was questioned. My answers were straightforward and honest. “His own words betray him,” shouted the fraud; “he admits that he intended to lead our beloved sister in God astray from the path of salvation; take him away to the dungeon; tomorrow he faces execution; we clearly have to set a fearsome example to deter the sinners from our sanctuary of the saved.”

My heart revolted from his hypocritical jargon: but it was unworthy of me to combat in words with the ruffian; and my answer was cool; while, far from being possessed with fear, methought, even at the worst, a man true to himself, courageous and determined, could fight his way, even from the boards of the scaffold, through the herd of these misguided maniacs. “Remember,” I said, “who I am; and be well assured that I shall not die unavenged. Your legal magistrate, the Lord Protector, knew of my design, and is aware that I am here; the cry of blood will reach him, and you and your miserable victims will long lament the tragedy you are about to act.”

My heart rebelled against his hypocritical nonsense, but it felt beneath me to argue with a thug like him, so I kept my response calm. I wasn’t afraid; I thought that even in the worst situation, a true man—brave and resolute—could fight his way through even the most misguided crowd. “Remember who I am,” I said, “and know that I won’t die without retribution. Your legal authority, the Lord Protector, knows about my plan and that I’m here. The outcry for justice will reach him, and you and your pathetic victims will regret the tragedy you’re about to enact.”

My antagonist did not deign to reply, even by a look;—“You know your duty,” he said to his comrades,—“obey.”

My opponent didn't even bother to respond, not even with a glance;—"You know what you're supposed to do," he told his allies,—"just follow orders."

In a moment I was thrown on the earth, bound, blindfolded, and hurried away —liberty of limb and sight was only restored to me, when, surrounded by dungeon-walls, dark and impervious, I found myself a prisoner and alone.

In an instant, I was thrown to the ground, tied up, blindfolded, and rushed away—my freedom of movement and vision was only returned to me when, surrounded by dark, impenetrable dungeon walls, I realized I was a prisoner and completely alone.

Such was the result of my attempt to gain over the proselyte of this man of crime; I could not conceive that he would dare put me to death.—Yet I was in his hands; the path of his ambition had ever been dark and cruel; his power was founded upon fear; the one word which might cause me to die, unheard, unseen, in the obscurity of my dungeon, might be easier to speak than the deed of mercy to act. He would not risk probably a public execution; but a private assassination would at once terrify any of my companions from attempting a like feat, at the same time that a cautious line of conduct might enable him to avoid the enquiries and the vengeance of Adrian.

That was the outcome of my attempt to win over the follower of this criminal. I couldn't believe he would actually dare to kill me. Yet, I was completely at his mercy; his ambitions had always been dark and ruthless, and his power thrived on fear. Just one word from him could lead to my death, unheard, unseen, in the shadows of my cell, and that might be easier for him to say than to actually show any mercy. He probably wouldn't risk a public execution, but a private killing would quickly scare any of my fellow inmates from trying anything similar, while also allowing him to carefully avoid Adrian's scrutiny and retribution.

Two months ago, in a vault more obscure than the one I now inhabited, I had revolved the design of quietly laying me down to die; now I shuddered at the approach of fate. My imagination was busied in shaping forth the kind of death he would inflict. Would he allow me to wear out life with famine; or was the food administered to me to be medicined with death? Would he steal on me in my sleep; or should I contend to the last with my murderers, knowing, even while I struggled, that I must be overcome? I lived upon an earth whose diminished population a child’s arithmetic might number; I had lived through long months with death stalking close at my side, while at intervals the shadow of his skeleton-shape darkened my path. I had believed that I despised the grim phantom, and laughed his power to scorn.

Two months ago, in a hideout even more secretive than the one I was in now, I had planned to quietly let myself die; now I recoiled at the idea of what was coming. My mind was busy imagining the kind of death he would bring. Would he let me slowly starve, or would the food I got be poisoned? Would he sneak up on me while I was sleeping, or would I have to fight back against my killers, knowing all the while that I'd ultimately lose? I lived in a world where a child could count the few people left; I'd spent long months with death lurking close by, while at times the shadow of his skeletal figure darkened my path. I thought I had come to hate the grim figure and laughed at his power.

Any other fate I should have met with courage, nay, have gone out gallantly to encounter. But to be murdered thus at the midnight hour by cold-blooded assassins, no friendly hand to close my eyes, or receive my parting blessing—to die in combat, hate and execration—ah, why, my angel love, didst thou restore me to life, when already I had stepped within the portals of the tomb, now that so soon again I was to be flung back a mangled corpse!

Any other fate I would have faced with courage, or even gone out bravely to confront. But to be murdered like this at midnight by cold-blooded killers, with no friendly hand to close my eyes or receive my last blessing—to die in battle, filled with hatred and rage—ah, why, my angel love, did you bring me back to life when I had already stepped into the grave, only to be thrown back again as a mangled corpse so soon?

Hours passed—centuries. Could I give words to the many thoughts which occupied me in endless succession during this interval, I should fill volumes. The air was dank, the dungeon-floor mildewed and icy cold; hunger came upon me too, and no sound reached me from without. To-morrow the ruffian had declared that I should die. When would to-morrow come? Was it not already here?

Hours passed—centuries. If I could put into words the countless thoughts that flooded my mind during this time, I would fill volumes. The air was damp, the dungeon floor was moldy and freezing; hunger struck me too, and no sounds came from outside. Tomorrow, the scoundrel had said that I would die. When would tomorrow arrive? Was it not already here?

My door was about to be opened. I heard the key turn, and the bars and bolts slowly removed. The opening of intervening passages permitted sounds from the interior of the palace to reach me; and I heard the clock strike one. They come to murder me, I thought; this hour does not befit a public execution. I drew myself up against the wall opposite the entrance; I collected my forces, I rallied my courage, I would not fall a tame prey. Slowly the door receded on its hinges—I was ready to spring forward to seize and grapple with the intruder, till the sight of who it was changed at once the temper of my mind. It was Juliet herself; pale and trembling she stood, a lamp in her hand, on the threshold of the dungeon, looking at me with wistful countenance. But in a moment she re-assumed her self-possession; and her languid eyes recovered their brilliancy. She said, “I am come to save you, Verney.”

My door was about to be opened. I heard the key turn, and the bars and bolts slowly being undone. The opening of connecting passages let sounds from inside the palace reach me; I heard the clock strike one. They’re coming to kill me, I thought; this hour isn’t right for a public execution. I pressed myself against the wall opposite the entrance; I gathered my strength and steeled my nerves, preparing not to go down easily. Slowly, the door swung open—I was ready to spring forward to grab and wrestle with the intruder, but the sight of who it was instantly changed my mindset. It was Juliet herself; pale and trembling, she stood there with a lamp in her hand, on the threshold of the dungeon, looking at me with a longing expression. But in a moment, she regained her composure; her tired eyes sparkled again. She said, “I’m here to save you, Verney.”

“And yourself also,” I cried: “dearest friend, can we indeed be saved?”

“And you too,” I exclaimed: “my dearest friend, can we really be saved?”

“Not a word,” she replied, “follow me!”

“Not a word,” she said, “follow me!”

I obeyed instantly. We threaded with light steps many corridors, ascended several flights of stairs, and passed through long galleries; at the end of one she unlocked a low portal; a rush of wind extinguished our lamp; but, in lieu of it, we had the blessed moon-beams and the open face of heaven. Then first Juliet spoke:—“You are safe,” she said, “God bless you!— farewell!”

I immediately obeyed. We walked quietly through many hallways, climbed several flights of stairs, and went through long corridors; at the end of one, she unlocked a small door; a gust of wind blew out our lamp; but instead, we were greeted by the lovely moonlight and the open sky. It was then that Juliet first spoke: “You’re safe,” she said, “God bless you!— goodbye!”

I seized her reluctant hand—“Dear friend,” I cried, “misguided victim, do you not intend to escape with me? Have you not risked all in facilitating my flight? and do you think, that I will permit you to return, and suffer alone the effects of that miscreant’s rage? Never!”

I grabbed her hesitant hand. “Dear friend,” I said, “misguided victim, aren’t you planning to escape with me? Haven’t you risked everything to help me get away? Do you really think I’ll let you go back and deal with that jerk’s anger all by yourself? Never!”

“Do not fear for me,” replied the lovely girl mournfully, “and do not imagine that without the consent of our chief you could be without these walls. It is he that has saved you; he assigned to me the part of leading you hither, because I am best acquainted with your motives for coming here, and can best appreciate his mercy in permitting you to depart.”

“Don’t worry about me,” the beautiful girl said sadly, “and don’t think that you could leave these walls without our chief’s permission. He’s the one who saved you; he chose me to bring you here because I know your reasons for coming, and I can truly understand his kindness in letting you go.”

“And are you,” I cried, “the dupe of this man? He dreads me alive as an enemy, and dead he fears my avengers. By favouring this clandestine escape he preserves a shew of consistency to his followers; but mercy is far from his heart. Do you forget his artifices, his cruelty, and fraud? As I am free, so are you. Come, Juliet, the mother of our lost Idris will welcome you, the noble Adrian will rejoice to receive you; you will find peace and love, and better hopes than fanaticism can afford. Come, and fear not; long before day we shall be at Versailles; close the door on this abode of crime —come, sweet Juliet, from hypocrisy and guilt to the society of the affectionate and good.”

“And are you,” I exclaimed, “this man’s fool? He fears me as a living enemy and dreads my avengers when I’m gone. By allowing this secret escape, he maintains a façade of loyalty to his followers, but there’s no kindness in his heart. Do you really forget his tricks, his cruelty, and deceit? Just as I am free, so are you. Come, Juliet, the mother of our lost Idris will welcome you, and the noble Adrian will be happy to have you; you will find peace and love, and better hopes than what fanaticism offers. Come, and don’t be afraid; long before dawn we’ll be at Versailles; let’s leave this place of crime behind—come, sweet Juliet, from hypocrisy and guilt to the company of those who are loving and good.”

I spoke hurriedly, but with fervour: and while with gentle violence I drew her from the portal, some thought, some recollection of past scenes of youth and happiness, made her listen and yield to me; suddenly she broke away with a piercing shriek:—“My child, my child! he has my child; my darling girl is my hostage.”

I spoke quickly but passionately, and as I gently pulled her away from the door, some thought or memory of happier times in her youth made her listen to me and give in; suddenly, she broke free with a sharp scream: "My child, my child! He has my child; my sweet girl is his hostage."

She darted from me into the passage; the gate closed between us—she was left in the fangs of this man of crime, a prisoner, still to inhale the pestilential atmosphere which adhered to his demoniac nature; the unimpeded breeze played on my cheek, the moon shone graciously upon me, my path was free. Glad to have escaped, yet melancholy in my very joy, I retrod my steps to Versailles.

She rushed away from me into the hallway; the gate shut behind us—she was trapped in the grip of this criminal, a captive, still exposed to the toxic environment that clung to his evil nature; a gentle breeze brushed against my cheek, the moonlight fell softly on me, and my way was clear. Happy to have escaped, yet sad despite my joy, I retraced my steps to Versailles.

CHAPTER VI.

Eventful winter passed; winter, the respite of our ills. By degrees the sun, which with slant beams had before yielded the more extended reign to night, lengthened his diurnal journey, and mounted his highest throne, at once the fosterer of earth’s new beauty, and her lover. We who, like flies that congregate upon a dry rock at the ebbing of the tide, had played wantonly with time, allowing our passions, our hopes, and our mad desires to rule us, now heard the approaching roar of the ocean of destruction, and would have fled to some sheltered crevice, before the first wave broke over us. We resolved without delay, to commence our journey to Switzerland; we became eager to leave France. Under the icy vaults of the glaciers, beneath the shadow of the pines, the swinging of whose mighty branches was arrested by a load of snow; beside the streams whose intense cold proclaimed their origin to be from the slow-melting piles of congelated waters, amidst frequent storms which might purify the air, we should find health, if in truth health were not herself diseased.

An eventful winter passed; winter, which was a break from our troubles. Gradually, the sun, which had previously shone at an angle and allowed night to take over, started to shine longer during the day and rose to its highest position, nurturing the earth's new beauty and embracing it. We, like flies that gather on a dry rock as the tide goes out, had foolishly played with time, letting our passions, hopes, and wild desires control us. Now we heard the approaching roar of the wave of destruction and wanted to escape to some safe spot before the first wave crashed over us. We quickly decided to start our journey to Switzerland; we were eager to leave France. Under the icy formations of the glaciers, in the shadow of the pines whose heavy branches were weighed down by snow, beside the streams that were extremely cold, indicating their slow-melting origins from frozen waters, in the midst of frequent storms that might cleanse the air, we would find health, if health itself weren't already sick.

We began our preparations at first with alacrity. We did not now bid adieu to our native country, to the graves of those we loved, to the flowers, and streams, and trees, which had lived beside us from infancy. Small sorrow would be ours on leaving Paris. A scene of shame, when we remembered our late contentions, and thought that we left behind a flock of miserable, deluded victims, bending under the tyranny of a selfish impostor. Small pangs should we feel in leaving the gardens, woods, and halls of the palaces of the Bourbons at Versailles, which we feared would soon be tainted by the dead, when we looked forward to vallies lovelier than any garden, to mighty forests and halls, built not for mortal majesty, but palaces of nature’s own, with the Alp of marmoreal whiteness for their walls, the sky for their roof.

We started our preparations with enthusiasm. We weren’t saying goodbye to our homeland, to the graves of those we loved, or to the flowers, streams, and trees that had been part of our lives since childhood. We felt little sorrow about leaving Paris. It was a scene of shame when we thought about our recent conflicts and realized we were leaving behind a group of miserable, misled victims, suffering under the rule of a selfish impostor. We wouldn’t feel much pain in leaving the gardens, woods, and halls of the Bourbon palaces in Versailles, which we feared would soon be tainted by death. Instead, we looked forward to valleys more beautiful than any garden, to vast forests and halls not built for earthly rulers, but natural palaces, with the Alps of pure white as their walls and the sky as their roof.

Yet our spirits flagged, as the day drew near which we had fixed for our departure. Dire visions and evil auguries, if such things were, thickened around us, so that in vain might men say—

Yet our spirits drooped as the day approached that we had set for our departure. Troubling visions and bad signs, if there were any, gathered around us, making it pointless for anyone to say—

These are their reasons, they are natural,[22]

These are their reasons; they are natural.[22]

we felt them to be ominous, and dreaded the future event enchained to them. That the night owl should screech before the noon-day sun, that the hard-winged bat should wheel around the bed of beauty, that muttering thunder should in early spring startle the cloudless air, that sudden and exterminating blight should fall on the tree and shrub, were unaccustomed, but physical events, less horrible than the mental creations of almighty fear. Some had sight of funeral processions, and faces all begrimed with tears, which flitted through the long avenues of the gardens, and drew aside the curtains of the sleepers at dead of night. Some heard wailing and cries in the air; a mournful chaunt would stream through the dark atmosphere, as if spirits above sang the requiem of the human race. What was there in all this, but that fear created other senses within our frames, making us see, hear, and feel what was not? What was this, but the action of diseased imaginations and childish credulity? So might it be; but what was most real, was the existence of these very fears; the staring looks of horror, the faces pale even to ghastliness, the voices struck dumb with harrowing dread, of those among us who saw and heard these things. Of this number was Adrian, who knew the delusion, yet could not cast off the clinging terror. Even ignorant infancy appeared with timorous shrieks and convulsions to acknowledge the presence of unseen powers. We must go: in change of scene, in occupation, and such security as we still hoped to find, we should discover a cure for these gathering horrors.

we found them to be ominous and feared the future events tied to them. That the night owl should screech before noon, that the hard-winged bat should fly around the beautiful bed, that muttering thunder should startle the clear air in early spring, and that sudden and devastating blight should fall on the trees and shrubs were unusual physical occurrences, less terrible than the mental creations of overwhelming fear. Some glimpsed funeral processions and faces streaked with tears, moving through the long avenues of the gardens and pulling back the curtains of the sleepers dead of night. Some heard wails and cries in the air; a mournful chant would flow through the dark atmosphere, as if spirits above were singing the requiem of humanity. What was all this but fear creating additional senses in our bodies, making us see, hear, and feel what wasn't there? What was this but the product of disturbed imaginations and childish belief? It could be so; but what was most real was the existence of these very fears; the wide-eyed looks of horror, faces pale to the point of being ghostly, voices struck mute with intense dread, of those among us who experienced these things. Among them was Adrian, who recognized the delusion yet couldn't shake off the lingering terror. Even innocent children seemed to acknowledge the presence of unseen forces with frightened screams and convulsions. We must leave; in a change of scenery, in activity, and whatever security we still hoped to find, we should discover a cure for these accumulating horrors.

On mustering our company, we found them to consist of fourteen hundred souls, men, women, and children. Until now therefore, we were undiminished in numbers, except by the desertion of those who had attached themselves to the impostor-prophet, and remained behind in Paris. About fifty French joined us. Our order of march was easily arranged; the ill success which had attended our division, determined Adrian to keep all in one body. I, with an hundred men, went forward first as purveyor, taking the road of the Côte d’Or, through Auxerre, Dijon, Dole, over the Jura to Geneva. I was to make arrangements, at every ten miles, for the accommodation of such numbers as I found the town or village would receive, leaving behind a messenger with a written order, signifying how many were to be quartered there. The remainder of our tribe was then divided into bands of fifty each, every division containing eighteen men, and the remainder, consisting of women and children. Each of these was headed by an officer, who carried the roll of names, by which they were each day to be mustered. If the numbers were divided at night, in the morning those in the van waited for those in the rear. At each of the large towns before mentioned, we were all to assemble; and a conclave of the principal officers would hold council for the general weal. I went first, as I said; Adrian last. His mother, with Clara and Evelyn under her protection, remained also with him. Thus our order being determined, I departed. My plan was to go at first no further than Fontainebleau, where in a few days I should be joined by Adrian, before I took flight again further eastward.

When we gathered our group, we found there were fourteen hundred people—men, women, and children. Up until now, our numbers were intact, except for those who had left to follow the false prophet and stayed behind in Paris. About fifty French joined us. Our march order was straightforward; the bad luck that had befallen our division led Adrian to keep everyone together. I took the lead with a hundred men as the supplier, taking the route through Côte d’Or, passing Auxerre, Dijon, Dole, and over the Jura to Geneva. I was responsible for making arrangements every ten miles for the accommodation of as many people as each town or village could handle, leaving behind a messenger with a written note indicating how many would be staying there. The rest of our group was then broken into bands of fifty, with each division having eighteen men and the rest being women and children. Each band was led by an officer who had a roll call to check in every day. If the groups were split at night, the front waited for the rear in the morning. We planned to gather at each of the major towns mentioned earlier, where a meeting of the main officers would be held to discuss what was best for everyone. As I mentioned, I went first, and Adrian was last. His mother, along with Clara and Evelyn under her care, stayed with him. With our plans set, I left. My intention was to go no further than Fontainebleau at first, where I would meet Adrian in a few days before heading further east.

My friend accompanied me a few miles from Versailles. He was sad; and, in a tone of unaccustomed despondency, uttered a prayer for our speedy arrival among the Alps, accompanied with an expression of vain regret that we were not already there. “In that case,” I observed, “we can quicken our march; why adhere to a plan whose dilatory proceeding you already disapprove?”

My friend walked with me for a few miles from Versailles. He was feeling down, and with a tone of unusual sadness, he expressed a wish for us to reach the Alps quickly, along with a pointless regret that we weren’t there yet. “In that case,” I said, “we can pick up the pace; why stick to a plan you already don’t like for being so slow?”

“Nay,” replied he, “it is too late now. A month ago, and we were masters of ourselves; now,—” he turned his face from me; though gathering twilight had already veiled its expression, he turned it yet more away, as he added —“a man died of the plague last night!”

“Nah,” he said, “it’s too late now. A month ago, we were in control; now—” he turned his face away from me; even though the gathering twilight had already obscured his expression, he turned it even further as he added, “a man died of the plague last night!”

He spoke in a smothered voice, then suddenly clasping his hands, he exclaimed, “Swiftly, most swiftly advances the last hour for us all; as the stars vanish before the sun, so will his near approach destroy us. I have done my best; with grasping hands and impotent strength, I have hung on the wheel of the chariot of plague; but she drags me along with it, while, like Juggernaut, she proceeds crushing out the being of all who strew the high road of life. Would that it were over—would that her procession achieved, we had all entered the tomb together!”

He spoke in a muffled voice, then suddenly clasped his hands and exclaimed, “Quickly, very quickly, the last hour approaches for all of us; just as the stars disappear before the sun, so will its coming destroy us. I’ve done my best; with desperate hands and powerless strength, I’ve clung to the wheel of the plague's chariot; but it pulls me along, while, like Juggernaut, it continues to crush the lives of everyone who lines the path of life. I wish it were over—if only her march ended, we could all enter the grave together!”

Tears streamed from his eyes. “Again and again,” he continued, “will the tragedy be acted; again I must hear the groans of the dying, the wailing of the survivors; again witness the pangs, which, consummating all, envelope an eternity in their evanescent existence. Why am I reserved for this? Why the tainted wether of the flock, am I not struck to earth among the first? It is hard, very hard, for one of woman born to endure all that I endure!”

Tears flowed from his eyes. “Again and again,” he continued, “the tragedy will be repeated; I have to hear the moans of the dying, the cries of the survivors; I have to witness the pain that, consuming everything, wraps an eternity in their fleeting lives. Why am I destined for this? Why, as the flawed member of the group, am I not struck down among the first? It is hard, very hard, for anyone born of a woman to endure all that I endure!”

Hitherto, with an undaunted spirit, and an high feeling of duty and worth, Adrian had fulfilled his self-imposed task. I had contemplated him with reverence, and a fruitless desire of imitation. I now offered a few words of encouragement and sympathy. He hid his face in his hands, and while he strove to calm himself, he ejaculated, “For a few months, yet for a few months more, let not, O God, my heart fail, or my courage be bowed down; let not sights of intolerable misery madden this half-crazed brain, or cause this frail heart to beat against its prison-bound, so that it burst. I have believed it to be my destiny to guide and rule the last of the race of man, till death extinguish my government; and to this destiny I submit.

Until now, with unwavering spirit and a strong sense of duty and self-worth, Adrian had carried out his self-assigned task. I had looked at him with respect and a useless desire to imitate him. I then offered a few words of encouragement and sympathy. He buried his face in his hands, and while he tried to calm himself, he exclaimed, “For a few more months, just a few more months, please don't let, O God, my heart fail, or my courage falter; don’t let the sights of unbearable misery drive this half-crazed mind to madness, or make this fragile heart beat against its prison so hard that it bursts. I have believed it is my fate to guide and rule the last of humanity until death ends my reign; and to this fate, I submit.

“Pardon me, Verney, I pain you, but I will no longer complain. Now I am myself again, or rather I am better than myself. You have known how from my childhood aspiring thoughts and high desires have warred with inherent disease and overstrained sensitiveness, till the latter became victors. You know how I placed this wasted feeble hand on the abandoned helm of human government. I have been visited at times by intervals of fluctuation; yet, until now, I have felt as if a superior and indefatigable spirit had taken up its abode within me or rather incorporated itself with my weaker being. The holy visitant has for a time slept, perhaps to show me how powerless I am without its inspiration. Yet, stay for a while, O Power of goodness and strength; disdain not yet this rent shrine of fleshly mortality, O immortal Capability! While one fellow creature remains to whom aid can be afforded, stay by and prop your shattered, falling engine!”

“Sorry, Verney, I’m causing you pain, but I won’t complain anymore. Right now, I feel like myself again, or even better than I was. You know how since childhood, my ambitious thoughts and lofty desires have battled against my innate weaknesses and heightened sensitivity, until the latter took over. You know how I placed this weak, fragile hand on the abandoned steering wheel of human government. At times, I’ve experienced moments of change; yet, until now, I’ve felt as if a powerful, tireless spirit had taken residence inside me, or rather merged with my weaker self. This holy presence has slept for a time, maybe to show me how powerless I am without its guidance. But wait a bit longer, O Power of goodness and strength; don’t abandon yet this broken vessel of flesh, O immortal Potential! As long as there's one fellow creature left who needs help, stay with me and support your crumbling, failing machine!”

His vehemence, and voice broken by irrepressible sighs, sunk to my heart; his eyes gleamed in the gloom of night like two earthly stars; and, his form dilating, his countenance beaming, truly it almost seemed as if at his eloquent appeal a more than mortal spirit entered his frame, exalting him above humanity. He turned quickly towards me, and held out his hand. “Farewell, Verney,” he cried, “brother of my love, farewell; no other weak expression must cross these lips, I am alive again: to our tasks, to our combats with our unvanquishable foe, for to the last I will struggle against her.”

His intensity, with a voice choked by unstoppable sighs, pierced my heart; his eyes shimmered in the darkness like two earthly stars; and as his presence expanded, his face glowing, it truly felt as if, in response to his passionate plea, a spirit greater than human entered his being, raising him above humanity. He turned toward me swiftly and reached out his hand. “Goodbye, Verney,” he exclaimed, “brother of my heart, goodbye; no other feeble words should escape these lips, I am alive again: let’s get back to our duties, to our battles against our unconquerable enemy, for until the end I will fight against her.”

He grasped my hand, and bent a look on me, more fervent and animated than any smile; then turning his horse’s head, he touched the animal with the spur, and was out of sight in a moment.

He took my hand, looked at me with more intensity and energy than any smile could convey; then, turning his horse around, he spurred the animal and disappeared in an instant.

A man last night had died of the plague. The quiver was not emptied, nor the bow unstrung. We stood as marks, while Parthian Pestilence aimed and shot, insatiated by conquest, unobstructed by the heaps of slain. A sickness of the soul, contagious even to my physical mechanism, came over me. My knees knocked together, my teeth chattered, the current of my blood, clotted by sudden cold, painfully forced its way from my heavy heart. I did not fear for myself, but it was misery to think that we could not even save this remnant. That those I loved might in a few days be as clay-cold as Idris in her antique tomb; nor could strength of body or energy of mind ward off the blow. A sense of degradation came over me. Did God create man, merely in the end to become dead earth in the midst of healthful vegetating nature? Was he of no more account to his Maker, than a field of corn blighted in the ear? Were our proud dreams thus to fade? Our name was written “a little lower than the angels;” and, behold, we were no better than ephemera. We had called ourselves the “paragon of animals,” and, lo! we were a “quint-essence of dust.” We repined that the pyramids had outlasted the embalmed body of their builder. Alas! the mere shepherd’s hut of straw we passed on the road, contained in its structure the principle of greater longevity than the whole race of man. How reconcile this sad change to our past aspirations, to our apparent powers!

A man died last night from the plague. The arrows weren't shot, and the bow was still strung. We stood like targets while the deadly disease aimed and struck, hunger for conquest driving it, unimpeded by the bodies piled around. A sickness of the soul, contagious even to my body, overwhelmed me. My knees shook, my teeth chattered, and the flow of my blood, frozen by a sudden chill, struggled painfully from my heavy heart. I didn’t fear for myself, but it was heartbreaking to think that we couldn’t even save this remnant. That those I loved might soon be as cold as Idris in her ancient tomb; and neither physical strength nor mental energy could shield us from the blow. A feeling of degradation washed over me. Did God create man, only to end up as lifeless earth among thriving nature? Was he of no more importance to his Creator than a field of corn rotten at harvest? Were our lofty dreams destined to vanish? Our name was written “a little lower than the angels;” yet here we were, no better than fleeting insects. We lamented that the pyramids had outlived the embalmed body of their builder. Alas! the simple straw hut of a shepherd we passed on the road contained an inherent longevity greater than the entire human race. How could we reconcile this grim change with our past hopes and our apparent abilities?

Sudden an internal voice, articulate and clear, seemed to say:—Thus from eternity, it was decreed: the steeds that bear Time onwards had this hour and this fulfilment enchained to them, since the void brought forth its burthen. Would you read backwards the unchangeable laws of Necessity?

Suddenly, an internal voice, clear and precise, seemed to say:—This was decreed from eternity: the horses that carry Time forward had this moment and this fulfillment tied to them, since the void brought forth its burden. Would you try to rewrite the unchangeable laws of Necessity?

Mother of the world! Servant of the Omnipotent! eternal, changeless Necessity! who with busy fingers sittest ever weaving the indissoluble chain of events!—I will not murmur at thy acts. If my human mind cannot acknowledge that all that is, is right; yet since what is, must be, I will sit amidst the ruins and smile. Truly we were not born to enjoy, but to submit, and to hope.

Mother of the world! Servant of the All-Powerful! eternal, unchanging Necessity! who with busy hands is always weaving the unbreakable chain of events!—I won’t complain about your actions. Even if my human mind can’t accept that everything that exists is right; since what exists must be, I will sit among the ruins and smile. Truly, we were not born to enjoy, but to submit, and to hope.

Will not the reader tire, if I should minutely describe our long-drawn journey from Paris to Geneva? If, day by day, I should record, in the form of a journal, the thronging miseries of our lot, could my hand write, or language afford words to express, the variety of our woe; the hustling and crowding of one deplorable event upon another? Patience, oh reader! whoever thou art, wherever thou dwellest, whether of race spiritual, or, sprung from some surviving pair, thy nature will be human, thy habitation the earth; thou wilt here read of the acts of the extinct race, and wilt ask wonderingly, if they, who suffered what thou findest recorded, were of frail flesh and soft organization like thyself. Most true, they were— weep therefore; for surely, solitary being, thou wilt be of gentle disposition; shed compassionate tears; but the while lend thy attention to the tale, and learn the deeds and sufferings of thy predecessors.

Will the reader not get tired if I describe in detail our long journey from Paris to Geneva? If I were to keep a daily journal recording the countless miseries we faced, could I even capture the range of our suffering, with one unfortunate event crowding onto another? Patience, dear reader! Whoever you are, wherever you live, whether you come from a spiritual background or are descended from a surviving pair, you are human, and your home is the Earth; here you will read about the actions of those who have come before you and may wonder if those who endured what you find recorded were made of fragile flesh and soft build like you. Indeed, they were— so weep; you, solitary being, must have a kind heart; shed compassionate tears; but also, pay attention to this story and learn about the deeds and sufferings of your ancestors.

Yet the last events that marked our progress through France were so full of strange horror and gloomy misery, that I dare not pause too long in the narration. If I were to dissect each incident, every small fragment of a second would contain an harrowing tale, whose minutest word would curdle the blood in thy young veins. It is right that I should erect for thy instruction this monument of the foregone race; but not that I should drag thee through the wards of an hospital, nor the secret chambers of the charnel-house. This tale, therefore, shall be rapidly unfolded. Images of destruction, pictures of despair, the procession of the last triumph of death, shall be drawn before thee, swift as the rack driven by the north wind along the blotted splendour of the sky.

Yet the last events that marked our journey through France were so filled with strange horror and gloomy misery that I hesitate to linger too long on the details. If I were to analyze each incident, every brief moment would contain a heartbreaking story, with even the smallest word chilling your young blood. It’s important for me to create this lesson for you from the past, but not to drag you through the wards of a hospital or the hidden chambers of a graveyard. So, this tale shall be told quickly. Images of destruction, scenes of despair, and the final march of death will be presented to you, as swift as the clouds being driven by the north wind across the darkened sky.

Weed-grown fields, desolate towns, the wild approach of riderless horses had now become habitual to my eyes; nay, sights far worse, of the unburied dead, and human forms which were strewed on the road side, and on the steps of once frequented habitations, where,

Weed-filled fields, abandoned towns, and the eerie sight of horses without riders had become familiar to me; indeed, even worse sights, like unburied corpses and human bodies scattered on the roadside and steps of once-busy homes, where,

        Through the flesh that wastes away
Beneath the parching sun, the whitening bones
Start forth, and moulder in the sable dust.[23]

Through the flesh that deteriorates
Beneath the scorching sun, the pale bones
Emerge and decay in the dark dust.[23]

Sights like these had become—ah, woe the while! so familiar, that we had ceased to shudder, or spur our stung horses to sudden speed, as we passed them. France in its best days, at least that part of France through which we travelled, had been a cultivated desert, and the absence of enclosures, of cottages, and even of peasantry, was saddening to a traveller from sunny Italy, or busy England. Yet the towns were frequent and lively, and the cordial politeness and ready smile of the wooden-shoed peasant restored good humour to the splenetic. Now, the old woman sat no more at the door with her distaff—the lank beggar no longer asked charity in courtier-like phrase; nor on holidays did the peasantry thread with slow grace the mazes of the dance. Silence, melancholy bride of death, went in procession with him from town to town through the spacious region.

Sites like these had become—oh, how unfortunate! so familiar, that we no longer shuddered or urged our startled horses to quicken their pace as we passed by. France in its prime, at least that part of France we were traveling through, had been a refined wasteland, and the lack of fences, cottages, and even farmers was disheartening to a traveler from sunny Italy or bustling England. Still, the towns were frequent and vibrant, and the warm politeness and friendly smile of the peasant in wooden shoes uplifted even the most irritable. Now, the old woman no longer sat at the door with her spinning wheel—the skinny beggar no longer asked for alms with the flair of a courtier; nor did the peasants, on holidays, move gracefully through the dance. Silence, the sorrowful companion of death, followed him from town to town across the vast region.

We arrived at Fontainebleau, and speedily prepared for the reception of our friends. On mustering our numbers for the night, three were found missing. When I enquired for them, the man to whom I spoke, uttered the word “plague,” and fell at my feet in convulsions; he also was infected. There were hard faces around me; for among my troop were sailors who had crossed the line times unnumbered, soldiers who, in Russia and far America, had suffered famine, cold and danger, and men still sterner-featured, once nightly depredators in our over-grown metropolis; men bred from their cradle to see the whole machine of society at work for their destruction. I looked round, and saw upon the faces of all horror and despair written in glaring characters.

We arrived at Fontainebleau and quickly got ready to welcome our friends. When we counted everyone for the night, three were missing. When I asked about them, the guy I spoke to said "plague," then collapsed at my feet in convulsions; he was also infected. I saw harsh faces around me; among my group were sailors who had crossed the equator countless times, soldiers who had endured famine, cold, and danger in Russia and far-off America, and men with even tougher looks, once prowlers in our overgrown city; men raised from childhood to witness society working entirely against them. I looked around and saw horror and despair clearly written on everyone’s faces.

We passed four days at Fontainebleau. Several sickened and died, and in the mean time neither Adrian nor any of our friends appeared. My own troop was in commotion; to reach Switzerland, to plunge into rivers of snow, and to dwell in caves of ice, became the mad desire of all. Yet we had promised to wait for the Earl; and he came not. My people demanded to be led forward— rebellion, if so we might call what was the mere casting away of straw-formed shackles, appeared manifestly among them. They would away on the word without a leader. The only chance of safety, the only hope of preservation from every form of indescribable suffering, was our keeping together. I told them this; while the most determined among them answered with sullenness, that they could take care of themselves, and replied to my entreaties with scoffs and menaces.

We spent four days at Fontainebleau. Several people got sick and died, and during that time, neither Adrian nor any of our friends showed up. My group was restless; the desire to reach Switzerland, to dive into rivers of snow, and to live in caves of ice consumed them. Still, we had promised to wait for the Earl, but he did not arrive. My people demanded to move forward—what we might call rebellion seemed to be brewing among them, as it was just the throwing off of their flimsy restraints. They wanted to leave at any moment, even without a leader. Our only chance for safety, the only hope to avoid indescribable suffering, was to stick together. I explained this to them, but the most stubborn among them replied sourly that they could manage on their own and reacted to my pleas with mockery and threats.

At length, on the fifth day, a messenger arrived from Adrian, bearing letters, which directed us to proceed to Auxerre, and there await his arrival, which would only be deferred for a few days. Such was the tenor of his public letters. Those privately delivered to me, detailed at length the difficulties of his situation, and left the arrangement of my future plans to my own discretion. His account of the state of affairs at Versailles was brief, but the oral communications of his messenger filled up his omissions, and shewed me that perils of the most frightful nature were gathering around him. At first the re-awakening of the plague had been concealed; but the number of deaths encreasing, the secret was divulged, and the destruction already achieved, was exaggerated by the fears of the survivors. Some emissaries of the enemy of mankind, the accursed Impostors, were among them instilling their doctrine that safety and life could only be ensured by submission to their chief; and they succeeded so well, that soon, instead of desiring to proceed to Switzerland, the major part of the multitude, weak-minded women, and dastardly men, desired to return to Paris, and, by ranging themselves under the banners of the so called prophet, and by a cowardly worship of the principle of evil, to purchase respite, as they hoped, from impending death. The discord and tumult induced by these conflicting fears and passions, detained Adrian. It required all his ardour in pursuit of an object, and his patience under difficulties, to calm and animate such a number of his followers, as might counterbalance the panic of the rest, and lead them back to the means from which alone safety could be derived. He had hoped immediately to follow me; but, being defeated in this intention, he sent his messenger urging me to secure my own troop at such a distance from Versailles, as to prevent the contagion of rebellion from reaching them; promising, at the same time, to join me the moment a favourable occasion should occur, by means of which he could withdraw the main body of the emigrants from the evil influence at present exercised over them.

Finally, on the fifth day, a messenger arrived from Adrian with letters instructing us to go to Auxerre and wait for his arrival, which would only be delayed for a few days. That was the gist of his public letters. The private ones he gave me explained in detail the difficulties he was facing and left it up to me to figure out my future plans. His brief account of the situation at Versailles was vague, but the messenger’s verbal updates filled in the gaps and made it clear that serious dangers were closing in on him. Initially, the resurgence of the plague had been kept quiet; however, as the death toll rose, the truth came out, and the extent of the destruction was exaggerated by the fears of those who survived. Some agents of the enemy, the cursed Impostors, were among them spreading their message that safety and survival could only be guaranteed by submitting to their leader. They were so effective that soon, instead of wanting to go to Switzerland, most of the crowd—feeble-minded women and cowardly men—wanted to return to Paris and align themselves with the so-called prophet, hoping that by cowardly worshipping the principle of evil, they could buy themselves some time against the looming death. The discord and chaos caused by these conflicting fears and emotions held Adrian back. He had to use all his determination and patience to calm and energize enough of his followers to offset the panic of the rest and guide them back to the only means of safety. He had hoped to follow me right away, but when that didn't work out, he sent his messenger urging me to keep my troop at a safe distance from Versailles, to prevent the spread of rebellion among them; he promised that he would join me as soon as a favorable opportunity arose to withdraw the main group of emigrants from the negative influence they were currently under.

I was thrown into a most painful state of uncertainty by these communications. My first impulse was that we should all return to Versailles, there to assist in extricating our chief from his perils. I accordingly assembled my troop, and proposed to them this retrograde movement, instead of the continuation of our journey to Auxerre. With one voice they refused to comply. The notion circulated among them was, that the ravages of the plague alone detained the Protector; they opposed his order to my request; they came to a resolve to proceed without me, should I refuse to accompany them. Argument and adjuration were lost on these dastards. The continual diminution of their own numbers, effected by pestilence, added a sting to their dislike of delay; and my opposition only served to bring their resolution to a crisis. That same evening they departed towards Auxerre. Oaths, as from soldiers to their general, had been taken by them: these they broke. I also had engaged myself not to desert them; it appeared to me inhuman to ground any infraction of my word on theirs. The same spirit that caused them to rebel against me, would impel them to desert each other; and the most dreadful sufferings would be the consequence of their journey in their present unordered and chiefless array. These feelings for a time were paramount; and, in obedience to them, I accompanied the rest towards Auxerre. We arrived the same night at Villeneuve-la-Guiard, a town at the distance of four posts from Fontainebleau. When my companions had retired to rest, and I was left alone to revolve and ruminate upon the intelligence I received of Adrian’s situation, another view of the subject presented itself to me. What was I doing, and what was the object of my present movements? Apparently I was to lead this troop of selfish and lawless men towards Switzerland, leaving behind my family and my selected friend, which, subject as they were hourly to the death that threatened to all, I might never see again. Was it not my first duty to assist the Protector, setting an example of attachment and duty? At a crisis, such as the one I had reached, it is very difficult to balance nicely opposing interests, and that towards which our inclinations lead us, obstinately assumes the appearance of selfishness, even when we meditate a sacrifice. We are easily led at such times to make a compromise of the question; and this was my present resource. I resolved that very night to ride to Versailles; if I found affairs less desperate than I now deemed them, I would return without delay to my troop; I had a vague idea that my arrival at that town, would occasion some sensation more or less strong, of which we might profit, for the purpose of leading forward the vacillating multitude—at least no time was to be lost—I visited the stables, I saddled my favourite horse, and vaulting on his back, without giving myself time for further reflection or hesitation, quitted Villeneuve-la-Guiard on my return to Versailles.

I was thrown into a very painful state of uncertainty by these messages. My first thought was that we should all go back to Versailles to help our leader out of his troubles. So, I gathered my group and suggested this backward move instead of continuing our journey to Auxerre. They all unanimously refused. The idea among them was that the plague was the only thing keeping the Protector from us; they opposed his order to my request and decided they would go on without me if I didn’t join them. Arguments and pleas fell on deaf ears with these cowards. The constant loss of their own numbers due to the plague only made their dislike for delay sting more, and my opposition just pushed them to a breaking point. That same evening, they left for Auxerre. They had sworn oaths to me as soldiers to their general, which they broke. I had also promised not to abandon them; it felt inhumane to break my promise based on theirs. The same spirit that drove them to rebel against me would cause them to abandon each other, leading to terrible suffering on their journey without a leader and in chaos. These thoughts dominated my mind for a time, and out of obligation, I followed the rest toward Auxerre. We arrived that night at Villeneuve-la-Guiard, a town four posts away from Fontainebleau. When my companions had gone to sleep and I was left alone to think about the news I received about Adrian’s situation, I started to see things differently. What was I doing, and what was the purpose of my current actions? It seemed I was leading this group of selfish and unruly men toward Switzerland, leaving behind my family and my close friend, whom I might never see again, especially with the death looming over them. Wasn’t my primary duty to help the Protector and show loyalty and duty? At a moment like this, it's tough to balance conflicting interests, and what we feel drawn to often seems selfish, even when we intend to make a sacrifice. In these moments, it's easy to compromise, and that’s what I had in mind. That very night, I decided to ride to Versailles; if I found the situation less desperate than I thought, I would return to my group immediately. I had a vague feeling that my arrival in that town would create some sort of strong reaction which we could use to lead the uncertain crowd forward—at least, I couldn’t waste any time. I went to the stables, saddled my favorite horse, and without giving myself further time for reflection or hesitation, I left Villeneuve-la-Guiard on my way back to Versailles.

I was glad to escape from my rebellious troop, and to lose sight for a time, of the strife of evil with good, where the former for ever remained triumphant. I was stung almost to madness by my uncertainty concerning the fate of Adrian, and grew reckless of any event, except what might lose or preserve my unequalled friend. With an heavy heart, that sought relief in the rapidity of my course, I rode through the night to Versailles. I spurred my horse, who addressed his free limbs to speed, and tossed his gallant head in pride. The constellations reeled swiftly by, swiftly each tree and stone and landmark fled past my onward career. I bared my head to the rushing wind, which bathed my brow in delightful coolness. As I lost sight of Villeneuve-la-Guiard, I forgot the sad drama of human misery; methought it was happiness enough to live, sensitive the while of the beauty of the verdure-clad earth, the star-bespangled sky, and the tameless wind that lent animation to the whole. My horse grew tired—and I, forgetful of his fatigue, still as he lagged, cheered him with my voice, and urged him with the spur. He was a gallant animal, and I did not wish to exchange him for any chance beast I might light on, leaving him never to be refound. All night we went forward; in the morning he became sensible that we approached Versailles, to reach which as his home, he mustered his flagging strength. The distance we had come was not less than fifty miles, yet he shot down the long Boulevards swift as an arrow; poor fellow, as I dismounted at the gate of the castle, he sunk on his knees, his eyes were covered with a film, he fell on his side, a few gasps inflated his noble chest, and he died. I saw him expire with an anguish, unaccountable even to myself, the spasm was as the wrenching of some limb in agonizing torture, but it was brief as it was intolerable. I forgot him, as I swiftly darted through the open portal, and up the majestic stairs of this castle of victories—heard Adrian’s voice—O fool! O woman nurtured, effeminate and contemptible being—I heard his voice, and answered it with convulsive shrieks; I rushed into the Hall of Hercules, where he stood surrounded by a crowd, whose eyes, turned in wonder on me, reminded me that on the stage of the world, a man must repress such girlish extacies. I would have given worlds to have embraced him; I dared not—Half in exhaustion, half voluntarily, I threw myself at my length on the ground— dare I disclose the truth to the gentle offspring of solitude? I did so, that I might kiss the dear and sacred earth he trod.

I was relieved to get away from my rebellious group and to temporarily escape the conflict between good and evil, where evil always seemed to win. I was nearly driven mad by my worry about Adrian's fate and became indifferent to everything except what might affect my incomparable friend. With a heavy heart, seeking comfort in the speed of my journey, I rode through the night to Versailles. I urged my horse, who responded eagerly, racing ahead with pride. The stars whirled by as trees, stones, and landmarks rushed past me. I felt the cool wind on my face, refreshing my brow. As I left Villeneuve-la-Guiard behind, I forgot about the sorrow of human suffering; it felt like enough just to be alive, appreciating the beauty of the green earth, the starry sky, and the wild wind that brought everything to life. My horse grew tired, and although I ignored his fatigue, I cheered him on and pushed him with my heels. He was a noble creature, and I didn't want to trade him for any random horse I might find. We pressed on all night; by morning, he sensed we were nearing Versailles, his destination, and gathered his waning strength. We had traveled at least fifty miles, yet he sprinted down the long Boulevards like an arrow; poor boy, as I dismounted at the castle gate, he fell to his knees, his eyes glazed over, collapsed on his side, took a few gasps to fill his noble chest, and died. I watched him pass away with a pain I couldn't understand, like the wrench of a limb in excruciating agony, but it was brief, though unbearable. I forgot him as I dashed through the open door and up the grand staircase of this castle of victories—I heard Adrian's voice—Oh fool! Oh delicate, weak, contemptible being!—I heard his voice and responded with frantic cries; I rushed into the Hall of Hercules, where he stood surrounded by a crowd, their astonished gazes on me reminding me that in the world’s spotlight, a man must hide such girlish emotions. I would have given anything to embrace him; I didn't dare—Half in exhaustion, half willingly, I threw myself flat on the ground—should I reveal the truth to the gentle child of solitude? I did, so I could kiss the dear and sacred earth he walked on.

I found everything in a state of tumult. An emissary of the leader of the elect, had been so worked up by his chief, and by his own fanatical creed, as to make an attempt on the life of the Protector and preserver of lost mankind. His hand was arrested while in the act of poignarding the Earl; this circumstance had caused the clamour I heard on my arrival at the castle, and the confused assembly of persons that I found assembled in the Salle d’Hercule. Although superstition and demoniac fury had crept among the emigrants, yet several adhered with fidelity to their noble chieftain; and many, whose faith and love had been unhinged by fear, felt all their latent affection rekindled by this detestable attempt. A phalanx of faithful breasts closed round him; the wretch, who, although a prisoner and in bonds, vaunted his design, and madly claimed the crown of martyrdom, would have been torn to pieces, had not his intended victim interposed. Adrian, springing forward, shielded him with his own person, and commanded with energy the submission of his infuriate friends—at this moment I had entered.

I found everything in chaos. An envoy from the leader of the elect had been so stirred up by his chief and his own fanatical beliefs that he attempted to assassinate the Protector and savior of lost humanity. His hand was stopped just as he was about to stab the Earl; this situation caused the uproar I heard when I arrived at the castle and the chaotic crowd I found gathered in the Salle d’Hercule. While superstition and crazed fury had spread among the emigrants, many still remained loyal to their noble leader; and those whose faith and love had been shaken by fear suddenly felt their hidden affection reignited by this horrific attempt. A group of loyal supporters surrounded him; the man who, although imprisoned, bragged about his plan and foolishly sought the crown of martyrdom would have been torn apart if his intended victim hadn’t intervened. Adrian, stepping forward, protected him with his own body and firmly commanded his enraged friends to calm down—at that moment, I had entered.

Discipline and peace were at length restored in the castle; and then Adrian went from house to house, from troop to troop, to soothe the disturbed minds of his followers, and recall them to their ancient obedience. But the fear of immediate death was still rife amongst these survivors of a world’s destruction; the horror occasioned by the attempted assassination, past away; each eye turned towards Paris. Men love a prop so well, that they will lean on a pointed poisoned spear; and such was he, the impostor, who, with fear of hell for his scourge, most ravenous wolf, played the driver to a credulous flock.

Discipline and peace were finally restored in the castle, and then Adrian went from house to house, from group to group, to calm the worried minds of his followers and bring them back to their old obedience. But the fear of immediate death still lingered among these survivors of a world’s destruction; the horror from the attempted assassination faded away; every eye turned towards Paris. People love to rely on something so much that they will lean on a sharp, poisoned spear; and that was the impostor, who, wielding the fear of hell as his tool, acted like a hungry wolf driving a gullible flock.

It was a moment of suspense, that shook even the resolution of the unyielding friend of man. Adrian for one moment was about to give in, to cease the struggle, and quit, with a few adherents, the deluded crowd, leaving them a miserable prey to their passions, and to the worse tyrant who excited them. But again, after a brief fluctuation of purpose, he resumed his courage and resolves, sustained by the singleness of his purpose, and the untried spirit of benevolence which animated him. At this moment, as an omen of excellent import, his wretched enemy pulled destruction on his head, destroying with his own hands the dominion he had erected.

It was a tense moment that shook even the strongest friend of humanity. For a brief instant, Adrian was ready to give up, to stop fighting, and leave the misguided crowd with a few followers, leaving them vulnerable to their own emotions and the worse tyrant who stirred them up. But after a brief change of heart, he found his courage and determination again, driven by the clarity of his mission and the untested spirit of kindness that inspired him. At that moment, as a sign of good fortune, his miserable enemy brought ruin upon himself, destroying with his own hands the power he had built.

His grand hold upon the minds of men, took its rise from the doctrine inculcated by him, that those who believed in, and followed him, were the remnant to be saved, while all the rest of mankind were marked out for death. Now, at the time of the Flood, the omnipotent repented him that he had created man, and as then with water, now with the arrows of pestilence, was about to annihilate all, except those who obeyed his decrees, promulgated by the ipse dixit prophet. It is impossible to say on what foundations this man built his hopes of being able to carry on such an imposture. It is likely that he was fully aware of the lie which murderous nature might give to his assertions, and believed it to be the cast of a die, whether he should in future ages be reverenced as an inspired delegate from heaven, or be recognized as an impostor by the present dying generation. At any rate he resolved to keep up the drama to the last act. When, on the first approach of summer, the fatal disease again made its ravages among the followers of Adrian, the impostor exultingly proclaimed the exemption of his own congregation from the universal calamity. He was believed; his followers, hitherto shut up in Paris, now came to Versailles. Mingling with the coward band there assembled, they reviled their admirable leader, and asserted their own superiority and exemption. At length the plague, slow-footed, but sure in her noiseless advance, destroyed the illusion, invading the congregation of the elect, and showering promiscuous death among them. Their leader endeavoured to conceal this event; he had a few followers, who, admitted into the arcana of his wickedness, could help him in the execution of his nefarious designs. Those who sickened were immediately and quietly withdrawn, the cord and a midnight-grave disposed of them for ever; while some plausible excuse was given for their absence. At last a female, whose maternal vigilance subdued even the effects of the narcotics administered to her, became a witness of their murderous designs on her only child. Mad with horror, she would have burst among her deluded fellow-victims, and, wildly shrieking, have awaked the dull ear of night with the history of the fiend-like crime; when the Impostor, in his last act of rage and desperation, plunged a poignard in her bosom. Thus wounded to death, her garments dripping with her own life-blood, bearing her strangled infant in her arms, beautiful and young as she was, Juliet, (for it was she) denounced to the host of deceived believers, the wickedness of their leader. He saw the aghast looks of her auditors, changing from horror to fury—the names of those already sacrificed were echoed by their relatives, now assured of their loss. The wretch with that energy of purpose, which had borne him thus far in his guilty career, saw his danger, and resolved to evade the worst forms of it—he rushed on one of the foremost, seized a pistol from his girdle, and his loud laugh of derision mingled with the report of the weapon with which he destroyed himself.

His strong hold on people's minds came from the belief he instilled that those who followed him were the ones destined to be saved, while everyone else was doomed. At the time of the Flood, God regretted creating man, and just like He had used water then, He was now ready to wipe out everyone with disease, except for those who followed His commands, as proclaimed by the self-styled prophet. It's hard to determine what allowed this man to think he could maintain such a deception. He likely knew the truth behind the lies that nature would reveal and viewed it as a gamble whether he would be remembered as a divine messenger or exposed as a fraud. Regardless, he decided to keep the show going until the end. When summer approached and the deadly disease began to spread among Adrian’s followers, the fraud triumphantly announced that his own group was immune to the widespread disaster. People believed him; his followers, who had been isolated in Paris, flocked to Versailles. There, mingling with the fearful crowd, they praised their remarkable leader and claimed their superiority and exemption. Eventually, the plague, creeping but inevitable, shattered the illusion, invading the so-called chosen ones and bringing death among them indiscriminately. Their leader tried to hide this fact; he had a few loyal followers who were privy to his sinister plans and helped execute them. Those who fell ill were discreetly taken away, with their bodies hidden by night, while believable excuses were given for their disappearance. Finally, a mother, whose protective instincts overcame even the effects of the drugs given to her, witnessed the horrific plans against her only child. Driven mad with horror, she almost rushed to warn her deluded companions, wanting to scream out the truth about the monstrous crime; but the impostor, in a final act of rage and desperation, stabbed her in the chest. Mortally wounded, with her clothes soaked in her own blood, holding her suffocated baby in her arms, beautiful and young as she was, Juliet (for that was her name) condemned the evil of their leader to the deceived crowd. He saw the shocked expressions shift from horror to rage—the names of those already sacrificed were echoed by their grieving relatives, now aware of their loss. The coward, with the same determination that had brought him this far in his criminal journey, recognized his risk and tried to escape the worst of it. He lunged at one of the front-line spectators, grabbed a pistol from his belt, and his mocking laughter blended with the gunshot as he took his own life.

They left his miserable remains even where they lay; they placed the corpse of poor Juliet and her babe upon a bier, and all, with hearts subdued to saddest regret, in long procession walked towards Versailles. They met troops of those who had quitted the kindly protection of Adrian, and were journeying to join the fanatics. The tale of horror was recounted—all turned back; and thus at last, accompanied by the undiminished numbers of surviving humanity, and preceded by the mournful emblem of their recovered reason, they appeared before Adrian, and again and for ever vowed obedience to his commands, and fidelity to his cause.

They left his miserable remains just where they fell; they placed the body of poor Juliet and her baby on a stretcher, and everyone, hearts heavy with sadness, walked in a long procession toward Versailles. They crossed paths with groups of those who had left the kind protection of Adrian and were traveling to join the fanatics. The horrifying story was shared—all turned back; and so, at last, accompanied by the unchanged numbers of surviving humanity, and led by the sorrowful symbol of their regained reason, they stood before Adrian and once again vowed to obey his commands and remain loyal to his cause.

[22] Shakespeare—Julius Cæsar.

Shakespeare—Julius Caesar.

[23] Elton’s Translation of Hesiod’s “Shield of Hercules.”

[23] Elton’s translation of Hesiod’s “Shield of Hercules.”

CHAPTER VII.

These events occupied so much time, that June had numbered more than half its days, before we again commenced our long-protracted journey. The day after my return to Versailles, six men, from among those I had left at Villeneuve-la-Guiard, arrived, with intelligence, that the rest of the troop had already proceeded towards Switzerland. We went forward in the same track.

These events took up so much time that June had passed more than half its days before we finally started our long, drawn-out journey again. The day after I returned to Versailles, six men from the group I had left at Villeneuve-la-Guiard arrived with news that the rest of the troop had already moved on towards Switzerland. We continued on the same path.

It is strange, after an interval of time, to look back on a period, which, though short in itself, appeared, when in actual progress, to be drawn out interminably. By the end of July we entered Dijon; by the end of July those hours, days, and weeks had mingled with the ocean of forgotten time, which in their passage teemed with fatal events and agonizing sorrow. By the end of July, little more than a month had gone by, if man’s life were measured by the rising and setting of the sun: but, alas! in that interval ardent youth had become grey-haired; furrows deep and uneraseable were trenched in the blooming cheek of the young mother; the elastic limbs of early manhood, paralyzed as by the burthen of years, assumed the decrepitude of age. Nights passed, during whose fatal darkness the sun grew old before it rose; and burning days, to cool whose baleful heat the balmy eve, lingering far in eastern climes, came lagging and ineffectual; days, in which the dial, radiant in its noon-day station, moved not its shadow the space of a little hour, until a whole life of sorrow had brought the sufferer to an untimely grave.

It's odd, after some time has passed, to look back on a period that, while brief, felt incredibly long while it was happening. By the end of July, we arrived in Dijon; by the end of July, those hours, days, and weeks had blended into the vast sea of forgotten time, filled with tragic events and intense sorrow. By the end of July, barely more than a month had gone by, if a person's life were measured by the sun's rising and setting: but sadly, during that time, passionate youth had turned gray; deep, permanent lines were etched on the youthful face of the young mother; the flexible limbs of early manhood, weighed down by years, took on the frailty of old age. Nights passed when, during that dark time, the sun seemed to age before it even rose; and scorching days, where the soothing evening, lingering in distant lands, arrived too late and ineffective; days when the sundial, shining at noon, didn't move its shadow for the span of a small hour, until an entire life of grief had led the sufferer to an untimely grave.

We departed from Versailles fifteen hundred souls. We set out on the eighteenth of June. We made a long procession, in which was contained every dear relationship, or tie of love, that existed in human society. Fathers and husbands, with guardian care, gathered their dear relatives around them; wives and mothers looked for support to the manly form beside them, and then with tender anxiety bent their eyes on the infant troop around. They were sad, but not hopeless. Each thought that someone would be saved; each, with that pertinacious optimism, which to the last characterized our human nature, trusted that their beloved family would be the one preserved.

We left Versailles with fifteen hundred people. We set off on June 18th. It was a long procession that included every important relationship or bond of love that exists in human society. Fathers and husbands, with protective care, gathered their loved ones close; wives and mothers sought support from the strong men beside them, and then, with worried affection, looked at the little ones around them. They felt sadness, but not despair. Each one hoped that someone would survive; each, with that stubborn optimism that ultimately defines our human nature, believed that their beloved family would be the one to make it through.

We passed through France, and found it empty of inhabitants. Some one or two natives survived in the larger towns, which they roamed through like ghosts; we received therefore small encrease to our numbers, and such decrease through death, that at last it became easier to count the scanty list of survivors. As we never deserted any of the sick, until their death permitted us to commit their remains to the shelter of a grave, our journey was long, while every day a frightful gap was made in our troop—they died by tens, by fifties, by hundreds. No mercy was shewn by death; we ceased to expect it, and every day welcomed the sun with the feeling that we might never see it rise again.

We traveled through France and found it deserted. A few natives were left in the larger towns, wandering around like ghosts. As a result, our numbers grew very little, and with the losses we faced from death, it eventually became easier to count the small group of survivors. We never abandoned any of the sick until their death allowed us to bury them, which made our journey long, with a horrific loss in our group every day—they died by the dozens, fifties, and hundreds. Death showed no mercy; we stopped expecting it, and every day, we welcomed the sun with the awareness that we might never see it rise again.

The nervous terrors and fearful visions which had scared us during the spring, continued to visit our coward troop during this sad journey. Every evening brought its fresh creation of spectres; a ghost was depicted by every blighted tree; and appalling shapes were manufactured from each shaggy bush. By degrees these common marvels palled on us, and then other wonders were called into being. Once it was confidently asserted, that the sun rose an hour later than its seasonable time; again it was discovered that he grew paler and paler; that shadows took an uncommon appearance. It was impossible to have imagined, during the usual calm routine of life men had before experienced, the terrible effects produced by these extravagant delusions: in truth, of such little worth are our senses, when unsupported by concurring testimony, that it was with the utmost difficulty I kept myself free from the belief in supernatural events, to which the major part of our people readily gave credit. Being one sane amidst a crowd of the mad, I hardly dared assert to my own mind, that the vast luminary had undergone no change—that the shadows of night were unthickened by innumerable shapes of awe and terror; or that the wind, as it sung in the trees, or whistled round an empty building, was not pregnant with sounds of wailing and despair. Sometimes realities took ghostly shapes; and it was impossible for one’s blood not to curdle at the perception of an evident mixture of what we knew to be true, with the visionary semblance of all that we feared.

The nervous fears and haunting visions that had terrified us during the spring kept coming back to haunt our frightened group during this sad journey. Every evening brought new terrifying shapes; every gnarled tree looked like a ghost, and every scruffy bush twisted into alarming forms. Gradually, these familiar sights lost their shock value, and other bizarre ideas took their place. At one point, it was confidently claimed that the sun rose an hour later than usual; later, it was noticed that it appeared to be getting paler; shadows took on unusual forms. It was hard to believe, based on the calm routines we’d experienced before, the extreme impact of these wild delusions: in fact, our senses are so unreliable without supporting evidence that I struggled to avoid believing in supernatural occurrences, which most of our group easily accepted. As one sane person in a sea of madness, I barely dared to convince myself that the great sun hadn’t changed—that the nighttime shadows weren’t filled with countless terrifying shapes; or that the wind, as it rustled through the trees or whistled around an empty building, wasn’t filled with sounds of crying and despair. Sometimes reality took on ghostly forms; it was hard not to feel a chill at the mix of what we knew to be true with the haunting visions of everything we feared.

Once, at the dusk of the evening, we saw a figure all in white, apparently of more than human stature, flourishing about the road, now throwing up its arms, now leaping to an astonishing height in the air, then turning round several times successively, then raising itself to its full height and gesticulating violently. Our troop, on the alert to discover and believe in the supernatural, made a halt at some distance from this shape; and, as it became darker, there was something appalling even to the incredulous, in the lonely spectre, whose gambols, if they hardly accorded with spiritual dignity, were beyond human powers. Now it leapt right up in the air, now sheer over a high hedge, and was again the moment after in the road before us. By the time I came up, the fright experienced by the spectators of this ghostly exhibition, began to manifest itself in the flight of some, and the close huddling together of the rest. Our goblin now perceived us; he approached, and, as we drew reverentially back, made a low bow. The sight was irresistibly ludicrous even to our hapless band, and his politeness was hailed by a shout of laughter;—then, again springing up, as a last effort, it sunk to the ground, and became almost invisible through the dusky night. This circumstance again spread silence and fear through the troop; the more courageous at length advanced, and, raising the dying wretch, discovered the tragic explanation of this wild scene. It was an opera-dancer, and had been one of the troop which deserted from Villeneuve-la-Guiard: falling sick, he had been deserted by his companions; in an access of delirium he had fancied himself on the stage, and, poor fellow, his dying sense eagerly accepted the last human applause that could ever be bestowed on his grace and agility.

Once, at dusk, we saw a figure all in white, seemingly taller than a human, dancing around the road, throwing up its arms, leaping impressively into the air, and spinning multiple times. Our group, eager to find and believe in the supernatural, stopped at a distance from this figure; as it got darker, the sight of the lonely specter was unsettling even for the skeptics, whose movements, while not very dignified for a spirit, were beyond what any human could do. Now it jumped straight up into the air, then leaped over a high hedge, and was back in the road before us in an instant. By the time I got closer, the fear experienced by onlookers began to show, with some running away and the others huddling together. Our ghost now noticed us; it came closer, and as we respectfully stepped back, it gave a low bow. The sight was hilariously absurd even to our unfortunate group, and its politeness was met with a burst of laughter; then, springing up one last time, it fell to the ground and nearly vanished into the dark night. This brought silence and fear to the group again; the braver ones eventually approached and, lifting the fading figure, discovered the tragic truth behind this wild act. It was an opera dancer, one of the troupe that had deserted from Villeneuve-la-Guiard: after falling ill, he had been abandoned by his companions; in a fit of delirium, he had imagined himself on stage, and, poor guy, his dying sense eagerly accepted the last applause he would ever receive for his grace and agility.

At another time we were haunted for several days by an apparition, to which our people gave the appellation of the Black Spectre. We never saw it except at evening, when his coal black steed, his mourning dress, and plume of black feathers, had a majestic and awe-striking appearance; his face, one said, who had seen it for a moment, was ashy pale; he had lingered far behind the rest of his troop, and suddenly at a turn in the road, saw the Black Spectre coming towards him; he hid himself in fear, and the horse and his rider slowly past, while the moonbeams fell on the face of the latter, displaying its unearthly hue. Sometimes at dead of night, as we watched the sick, we heard one galloping through the town; it was the Black Spectre come in token of inevitable death. He grew giant tall to vulgar eyes; an icy atmosphere, they said, surrounded him; when he was heard, all animals shuddered, and the dying knew that their last hour was come. It was Death himself, they declared, come visibly to seize on subject earth, and quell at once our decreasing numbers, sole rebels to his law. One day at noon, we saw a dark mass on the road before us, and, coming up, beheld the Black Spectre fallen from his horse, lying in the agonies of disease upon the ground. He did not survive many hours; and his last words disclosed the secret of his mysterious conduct. He was a French noble of distinction, who, from the effects of plague, had been left alone in his district; during many months, he had wandered from town to town, from province to province, seeking some survivor for a companion, and abhorring the loneliness to which he was condemned. When he discovered our troop, fear of contagion conquered his love of society. He dared not join us, yet he could not resolve to lose sight of us, sole human beings who besides himself existed in wide and fertile France; so he accompanied us in the spectral guise I have described, till pestilence gathered him to a larger congregation, even that of Dead Mankind.

At one point, we were troubled for several days by a ghost that our people called the Black Spectre. We only saw it in the evening, when its pitch-black horse, funeral outfit, and black feather plume created a majestic and terrifying sight; those who glimpsed its face claimed it was ashy pale. It had lagged far behind the rest of its group, and suddenly, as it turned a corner in the road, the Black Spectre came toward him. He hid in fear as the horse and rider slowly passed by, with moonlight highlighting the rider's otherworldly complexion. Sometimes, in the dead of night, while caring for the sick, we heard it galloping through the town; it was the Black Spectre, signaling certain death. To ordinary eyes, it seemed enormous; they said an icy aura surrounded it. When it was heard, all animals trembled, and the dying knew their end was near. It was said to be Death itself, come visibly to claim earthly subjects and reduce our dwindling numbers, the last rebels against his power. One day at noon, we spotted a dark figure on the road ahead and, upon approaching, saw the Black Spectre fallen from its horse, suffering from illness on the ground. It didn’t last long; its final words revealed the truth behind its strange behavior. It turned out to be a distinguished French nobleman who, due to the plague, had been left alone in his area. For months, he had roamed from town to town, from region to region, searching for someone to keep him company, repulsed by the solitude he faced. When he found our group, his fear of contagion overcame his desire for companionship. He dared not join us but couldn’t bring himself to look away from us, the only other humans surviving in the vast expanse of fertile France; so, he followed us in the ghostly form I’ve described until pestilence led him to a larger gathering, that of the Dead.

It had been well, if such vain terrors could have distracted our thoughts from more tangible evils. But these were too dreadful and too many not to force themselves into every thought, every moment, of our lives. We were obliged to halt at different periods for days together, till another and yet another was consigned as a clod to the vast clod which had been once our living mother. Thus we continued travelling during the hottest season; and it was not till the first of August, that we, the emigrants,—reader, there were just eighty of us in number,—entered the gates of Dijon.

It had been well, if such meaningless fears could take our minds off more serious problems. But these were too awful and too numerous to avoid coming up in every thought, every moment of our lives. We had to stop at different points for days on end, until one more person was laid to rest in the vast grave that had once been our living mother. So we kept traveling during the hottest season; and it wasn't until August 1st that we, the emigrants—reader, there were exactly eighty of us—entered the gates of Dijon.

We had expected this moment with eagerness, for now we had accomplished the worst part of our drear journey, and Switzerland was near at hand. Yet how could we congratulate ourselves on any event thus imperfectly fulfilled? Were these miserable beings, who, worn and wretched, passed in sorrowful procession, the sole remnants of the race of man, which, like a flood, had once spread over and possessed the whole earth? It had come down clear and unimpeded from its primal mountain source in Ararat, and grew from a puny streamlet to a vast perennial river, generation after generation flowing on ceaselessly. The same, but diversified, it grew, and swept onwards towards the absorbing ocean, whose dim shores we now reached. It had been the mere plaything of nature, when first it crept out of uncreative void into light; but thought brought forth power and knowledge; and, clad with these, the race of man assumed dignity and authority. It was then no longer the mere gardener of earth, or the shepherd of her flocks; “it carried with it an imposing and majestic aspect; it had a pedigree and illustrious ancestors; it had its gallery of portraits, its monumental inscriptions, its records and titles.”[24]

We had been looking forward to this moment with excitement because we had finally made it through the hardest part of our gloomy journey, and Switzerland was close. But how could we really celebrate something that felt so incomplete? Were these pitiful souls, who shuffled by looking worn and miserable, the last remnants of humanity, which had once flourished across the entire earth like a flood? It had cascaded down from its original mountain source in Ararat, growing from a tiny stream to a vast, everlasting river, flowing continuously from generation to generation. It evolved, yet remained the same, moving toward the engulfing ocean, whose distant shores we were now approaching. At first, it was just a plaything of nature, emerging from the empty void into the light; but with thought came power and knowledge, and with these, humanity gained dignity and authority. It was no longer just the caretaker of the earth or the defender of its animals; “it took on an impressive and majestic presence; it had lineage and noble ancestors; it held a gallery of portraits, monumental inscriptions, records, and titles.”[24]

This was all over, now that the ocean of death had sucked in the slackening tide, and its source was dried up. We first had bidden adieu to the state of things which having existed many thousand years, seemed eternal; such a state of government, obedience, traffic, and domestic intercourse, as had moulded our hearts and capacities, as far back as memory could reach. Then to patriotic zeal, to the arts, to reputation, to enduring fame, to the name of country, we had bidden farewell. We saw depart all hope of retrieving our ancient state—all expectation, except the feeble one of saving our individual lives from the wreck of the past. To preserve these we had quitted England—England, no more; for without her children, what name could that barren island claim? With tenacious grasp we clung to such rule and order as could best save us; trusting that, if a little colony could be preserved, that would suffice at some remoter period to restore the lost community of mankind.

This was all over now that the ocean of death had swallowed the receding tide, and its source was dried up. We had first said goodbye to a state of affairs that had lasted for thousands of years and felt eternal—a system of government, obedience, trade, and personal relationships that had shaped our hearts and minds for as long as we could remember. We had also bid farewell to patriotism, the arts, reputation, lasting fame, and our homeland. We saw all hope of restoring our former state depart—leaving only the faint hope of saving our individual lives from the ruins of the past. To save ourselves, we had left England—England, no longer; for without her people, what name could that desolate island hold? We clung tightly to whatever order and structure we could find to keep us safe, trusting that if we could preserve a small colony, it would someday be enough to restore the lost community of humanity.

But the game is up! We must all die; nor leave survivor nor heir to the wide inheritance of earth. We must all die! The species of man must perish; his frame of exquisite workmanship; the wondrous mechanism of his senses; the noble proportion of his godlike limbs; his mind, the throned king of these; must perish. Will the earth still keep her place among the planets; will she still journey with unmarked regularity round the sun; will the seasons change, the trees adorn themselves with leaves, and flowers shed their fragrance, in solitude? Will the mountains remain unmoved, and streams still keep a downward course towards the vast abyss; will the tides rise and fall, and the winds fan universal nature; will beasts pasture, birds fly, and fishes swim, when man, the lord, possessor, perceiver, and recorder of all these things, has passed away, as though he had never been? O, what mockery is this! Surely death is not death, and humanity is not extinct; but merely passed into other shapes, unsubjected to our perceptions. Death is a vast portal, an high road to life: let us hasten to pass; let us exist no more in this living death, but die that we may live!

But the game is over! We all have to die; we can't leave any survivors or heirs to inherit the vastness of the earth. We must all die! The human species must vanish; our beautifully crafted bodies; the amazing way our senses work; the impressive balance of our godlike limbs; our minds, the ruling power over all these; must all go. Will the earth still hold its place among the planets? Will it still travel around the sun with its usual rhythm? Will the seasons change, trees still sprout leaves, and flowers continue to give off their scents in solitude? Will the mountains remain still, and streams continue their journey downward toward the vast void? Will the tides rise and fall, and the winds keep sweeping through nature? Will animals graze, birds soar, and fish swim when man, the master, owner, observer, and chronicler of everything, has disappeared as if he never existed? Oh, what a joke this is! Surely, death isn't the end, and humanity isn't gone; it has merely transformed into other forms beyond our understanding. Death is a huge doorway, a major road to life: let’s hurry to walk through it; let us no longer exist in this living death, but die so we may truly live!

We had longed with inexpressible earnestness to reach Dijon, since we had fixed on it, as a kind of station in our progress. But now we entered it with a torpor more painful than acute suffering. We had come slowly but irrevocably to the opinion, that our utmost efforts would not preserve one human being alive. We took our hands therefore away from the long grasped rudder; and the frail vessel on which we floated, seemed, the government over her suspended, to rush, prow foremost, into the dark abyss of the billows. A gush of grief, a wanton profusion of tears, and vain laments, and overflowing tenderness, and passionate but fruitless clinging to the priceless few that remained, was followed by languor and recklessness.

We had desperately wanted to reach Dijon, as we saw it as a kind of stop on our journey. But as we arrived, we felt a numbness that was worse than any sharp pain. We had slowly but surely come to the realization that no matter what we did, we wouldn’t be able to save a single person. So, we released our grip from the long-held rudder; the fragile boat we were in seemed, with no one in control, to rush headfirst into the dark depths of the waves. An overwhelming wave of grief, a torrent of tears, useless sorrow, and deep affection, along with a passionate yet pointless clinging to the few precious people who remained, gave way to exhaustion and a sense of abandonment.

During this disastrous journey we lost all those, not of our own family, to whom we had particularly attached ourselves among the survivors. It were not well to fill these pages with a mere catalogue of losses; yet I cannot refrain from this last mention of those principally dear to us. The little girl whom Adrian had rescued from utter desertion, during our ride through London on the twentieth of November, died at Auxerre. The poor child had attached herself greatly to us; and the suddenness of her death added to our sorrow. In the morning we had seen her apparently in health—in the evening, Lucy, before we retired to rest, visited our quarters to say that she was dead. Poor Lucy herself only survived, till we arrived at Dijon. She had devoted herself throughout to the nursing the sick, and attending the friendless. Her excessive exertions brought on a slow fever, which ended in the dread disease whose approach soon released her from her sufferings. She had throughout been endeared to us by her good qualities, by her ready and cheerful execution of every duty, and mild acquiescence in every turn of adversity. When we consigned her to the tomb, we seemed at the same time to bid a final adieu to those peculiarly feminine virtues conspicuous in her; uneducated and unpretending as she was, she was distinguished for patience, forbearance, and sweetness. These, with all their train of qualities peculiarly English, would never again be revived for us. This type of all that was most worthy of admiration in her class among my countrywomen, was placed under the sod of desert France; and it was as a second separation from our country to have lost sight of her for ever.

During this terrible journey, we lost all those, outside our family, to whom we had grown particularly attached among the survivors. It wouldn’t be right to fill these pages with just a list of losses; yet I can't help but mention those who were most dear to us one last time. The little girl whom Adrian had saved from complete abandonment during our ride through London on November 20th, died in Auxerre. The poor child had grown very fond of us, and the suddenness of her death deepened our sorrow. In the morning, we had seen her seemingly healthy—in the evening, Lucy came to our quarters before we went to sleep to tell us she was dead. Poor Lucy herself only survived until we reached Dijon. She had dedicated herself to caring for the sick and helping those without friends. Her relentless efforts caused a slow fever, which ultimately led to the terrible disease that soon ended her suffering. Throughout, she had become dear to us because of her good qualities, her willingness and cheerfulness in doing every task, and her gentle acceptance of every hardship. When we laid her to rest, it felt like we were saying a final goodbye to the uniquely feminine virtues she embodied; though she was uneducated and unpretentious, she stood out for her patience, tolerance, and kindness. These qualities, along with all their distinctly English traits, would never be revived for us. This embodiment of everything admirable in her class among my fellow countrywomen was buried in the sands of foreign France; losing her felt like a second separation from our homeland.

The Countess of Windsor died during our abode at Dijon. One morning I was informed that she wished to see me. Her message made me remember, that several days had elapsed since I had last seen her. Such a circumstance had often occurred during our journey, when I remained behind to watch to their close the last moments of some one of our hapless comrades, and the rest of the troop past on before me. But there was something in the manner of her messenger, that made me suspect that all was not right. A caprice of the imagination caused me to conjecture that some ill had occurred to Clara or Evelyn, rather than to this aged lady. Our fears, for ever on the stretch, demanded a nourishment of horror; and it seemed too natural an occurrence, too like past times, for the old to die before the young. I found the venerable mother of my Idris lying on a couch, her tall emaciated figure stretched out; her face fallen away, from which the nose stood out in sharp profile, and her large dark eyes, hollow and deep, gleamed with such light as may edge a thunder cloud at sun-set. All was shrivelled and dried up, except these lights; her voice too was fearfully changed, as she spoke to me at intervals. “I am afraid,” said she, “that it is selfish in me to have asked you to visit the old woman again, before she dies: yet perhaps it would have been a greater shock to hear suddenly that I was dead, than to see me first thus.”

The Countess of Windsor died while we were staying in Dijon. One morning, I was told she wanted to see me. This made me realize that it had been several days since I last visited her. This often happened during our travels when I stayed behind to be with one of our unfortunate friends in their final moments, while the rest of the group moved on ahead. But there was something about the way her messenger acted that made me think something was wrong. A whim of the imagination led me to worry that something had happened to Clara or Evelyn, rather than to this elderly woman. Our fears were always on high alert, craving something dreadful, and it felt too natural, too much like the past, for the old to pass away before the young. I found my Idris's venerable mother lying on a couch, her tall, thin figure stretched out; her face was sunken, with a sharp nose standing out in profile, and her large dark eyes were hollow and deep, gleaming like the light edging a thundercloud at sunset. Everything else about her was shriveled and dried up, except for those eyes; even her voice had changed alarmingly as she spoke to me in intervals. “I’m afraid,” she said, “that it’s selfish of me to have asked you to visit the old woman again before she dies: yet perhaps it would be a greater shock to suddenly hear that I was dead than to see me like this first.”

I clasped her shrivelled hand: “Are you indeed so ill?” I asked.

I took her bony hand in mine: “Are you really that sick?” I asked.

“Do you not perceive death in my face,” replied she, “it is strange; I ought to have expected this, and yet I confess it has taken me unaware. I never clung to life, or enjoyed it, till these last months, while among those I senselessly deserted: and it is hard to be snatched immediately away. I am glad, however, that I am not a victim of the plague; probably I should have died at this hour, though the world had continued as it was in my youth.”

“Don’t you see death on my face?” she replied. “It’s strange; I should have seen this coming, but I admit it took me by surprise. I never really cared for life or enjoyed it until these last few months while I was with those I thoughtlessly abandoned. It’s hard to be taken away so suddenly. However, I’m relieved that I’m not a victim of the plague; I probably would have died by now, even if the world had stayed the same as it was in my youth.”

She spoke with difficulty, and I perceived that she regretted the necessity of death, even more than she cared to confess. Yet she had not to complain of an undue shortening of existence; her faded person shewed that life had naturally spent itself. We had been alone at first; now Clara entered; the Countess turned to her with a smile, and took the hand of this lovely child; her roseate palm and snowy fingers, contrasted with relaxed fibres and yellow hue of those of her aged friend; she bent to kiss her, touching her withered mouth with the warm, full lips of youth. “Verney,” said the Countess, “I need not recommend this dear girl to you, for your own sake you will preserve her. Were the world as it was, I should have a thousand sage precautions to impress, that one so sensitive, good, and beauteous, might escape the dangers that used to lurk for the destruction of the fair and excellent. This is all nothing now.

She spoke with difficulty, and I could see that she regretted the need for death even more than she was willing to admit. Still, she had no reason to complain about an unfairly shortened life; her worn appearance showed that life had simply run its course. We had been alone at first; now Clara came in. The Countess turned to her with a smile and took the hand of this beautiful girl. Clara's rosy palm and smooth fingers contrasted sharply with the loose skin and yellowish tone of her elderly friend's hands. She leaned down to kiss her, brushing her aged lips with the warm, full lips of youth. "Verney," said the Countess, "I don’t need to remind you to look after this dear girl; you'll protect her for your own sake. If the world were as it used to be, I'd have a thousand wise warnings to share, so that someone as sensitive, kind, and lovely as her could avoid the dangers that once threatened the beautiful and good. But that's all irrelevant now."

“I commit you, my kind nurse, to your uncle’s care; to yours I entrust the dearest relic of my better self. Be to Adrian, sweet one, what you have been to me—enliven his sadness with your sprightly sallies; sooth his anguish by your sober and inspired converse, when he is dying; nurse him as you have done me.”

“I leave you, my kind nurse, in your uncle’s care; to you I give the most precious part of myself. Be to Adrian, dear one, what you have been to me—brighten his sadness with your cheerful spirit; ease his pain with your thoughtful and inspiring words when he’s at his lowest; take care of him just as you have done for me.”

Clara burst into tears; “Kind girl,” said the Countess, “do not weep for me. Many dear friends are left to you.”

Clara started crying. “Sweet girl,” the Countess said, “don’t cry for me. You have many dear friends left.”

“And yet,” cried Clara, “you talk of their dying also. This is indeed cruel —how could I live, if they were gone? If it were possible for my beloved protector to die before me, I could not nurse him; I could only die too.”

“And yet,” Clara exclaimed, “you’re talking about them dying too. This is really cruel—how could I go on if they weren't here? If it were even possible for my dear protector to die before me, I wouldn’t be able to take care of him; I could only die as well.”

The venerable lady survived this scene only twenty-four hours. She was the last tie binding us to the ancient state of things. It was impossible to look on her, and not call to mind in their wonted guise, events and persons, as alien to our present situation as the disputes of Themistocles and Aristides, or the wars of the two roses in our native land. The crown of England had pressed her brow; the memory of my father and his misfortunes, the vain struggles of the late king, the images of Raymond, Evadne, and Perdita, who had lived in the world’s prime, were brought vividly before us. We consigned her to the oblivious tomb with reluctance; and when I turned from her grave, Janus veiled his retrospective face; that which gazed on future generations had long lost its faculty.

The respected lady lingered for only twenty-four hours after this moment. She was the last connection we had to the old way of life. It was impossible to look at her without recalling, in their usual form, events and people that felt as distant from our current situation as the arguments of Themistocles and Aristides or the Wars of the Roses in our homeland. The crown of England had rested on her head; the memories of my father and his misfortunes, the futile struggles of the late king, and the images of Raymond, Evadne, and Perdita, who had thrived in a different time, were all brought to life in our minds. We reluctantly laid her to rest in the forgotten grave; and when I turned away from her tomb, Janus hid his past-facing face; that which looked to future generations had long since lost its ability to see.

After remaining a week at Dijon, until thirty of our number deserted the vacant ranks of life, we continued our way towards Geneva. At noon on the second day we arrived at the foot of Jura. We halted here during the heat of the day. Here fifty human beings—fifty, the only human beings that survived of the food-teeming earth, assembled to read in the looks of each other ghastly plague, or wasting sorrow, desperation, or worse, carelessness of future or present evil. Here we assembled at the foot of this mighty wall of mountain, under a spreading walnut tree; a brawling stream refreshed the green sward by its sprinkling; and the busy grasshopper chirped among the thyme. We clustered together a group of wretched sufferers. A mother cradled in her enfeebled arms the child, last of many, whose glazed eye was about to close for ever. Here beauty, late glowing in youthful lustre and consciousness, now wan and neglected, knelt fanning with uncertain motion the beloved, who lay striving to paint his features, distorted by illness, with a thankful smile. There an hard-featured, weather-worn veteran, having prepared his meal, sat, his head dropped on his breast, the useless knife falling from his grasp, his limbs utterly relaxed, as thought of wife and child, and dearest relative, all lost, passed across his recollection. There sat a man who for forty years had basked in fortune’s tranquil sunshine; he held the hand of his last hope, his beloved daughter, who had just attained womanhood; and he gazed on her with anxious eyes, while she tried to rally her fainting spirit to comfort him. Here a servant, faithful to the last, though dying, waited on one, who, though still erect with health, gazed with gasping fear on the variety of woe around.

After staying a week in Dijon, until thirty of our group left the empty ranks of life, we continued our journey toward Geneva. By noon on the second day, we arrived at the foot of the Jura mountains. We paused here during the hottest part of the day. Fifty human beings—fifty, the only survivors on this food-rich earth—gathered to read in each other’s faces the signs of a terrible plague, or deep sorrow, desperation, or worse, indifference to present or future suffering. We came together at the base of this mighty mountain wall, under a sprawling walnut tree; a lively stream refreshed the green grass with its spray, and busy grasshoppers chirped among the thyme. We formed a cluster of miserable souls. A mother held in her weak arms the last of her children, whose glazed eyes were about to close forever. Here, beauty, once radiating with youthful glow and awareness, now pale and neglected, knelt fanning with unsteady hands the beloved who lay trying to paint a thankful smile on his features distorted by illness. There sat a hard-featured, weathered veteran, having prepared his meal, with his head drooping on his chest, the useless knife slipping from his grasp, his limbs completely relaxed, as memories of his wife, child, and closest relatives—all lost—flashed through his mind. There was a man who had basked in the calm sunshine of fortune for forty years; he held the hand of his last hope, his cherished daughter, who had just come into womanhood; he looked at her with anxious eyes while she tried to gather her fading spirit to comfort him. Here a loyal servant, even while dying, attended to someone who, though still standing with health, looked around in gasping fear at the sorrow surrounding them.

Adrian stood leaning against a tree; he held a book in his hand, but his eye wandered from the pages, and sought mine; they mingled a sympathetic glance; his looks confessed that his thoughts had quitted the inanimate print, for pages more pregnant with meaning, more absorbing, spread out before him. By the margin of the stream, apart from all, in a tranquil nook, where the purling brook kissed the green sward gently, Clara and Evelyn were at play, sometimes beating the water with large boughs, sometimes watching the summer-flies that sported upon it. Evelyn now chased a butterfly—now gathered a flower for his cousin; and his laughing cherub-face and clear brow told of the light heart that beat in his bosom. Clara, though she endeavoured to give herself up to his amusement, often forgot him, as she turned to observe Adrian and me. She was now fourteen, and retained her childish appearance, though in height a woman; she acted the part of the tenderest mother to my little orphan boy; to see her playing with him, or attending silently and submissively on our wants, you thought only of her admirable docility and patience; but, in her soft eyes, and the veined curtains that veiled them, in the clearness of her marmoreal brow, and the tender expression of her lips, there was an intelligence and beauty that at once excited admiration and love.

Adrian leaned against a tree, holding a book in his hand, but his gaze drifted from the pages to mine; we exchanged a sympathetic look. His expression revealed that his thoughts had left the lifeless print for more meaningful, engaging pages spread out before him. By the stream, away from everyone else, in a peaceful spot where the gentle brook touched the green grass, Clara and Evelyn were playing, sometimes splashing the water with large branches and other times watching the summer flies that danced on it. Evelyn chased a butterfly one moment and picked a flower for his cousin the next; his laughing cherub-like face and bright brow showed the carefree spirit inside him. Clara, though she tried to focus on their fun, frequently looked back to watch Adrian and me. At fourteen, she still looked youthful despite being tall like a woman; she took on the role of a caring mother to my little orphan boy. Watching her play with him or quietly attend to our needs highlighted her remarkable patience and gentleness. Yet, in her soft eyes, behind the delicate curtains that framed them, in the clarity of her marble-like brow, and in the gentle curve of her lips, there was an intelligence and beauty that immediately sparked admiration and affection.

When the sun had sunk towards the precipitate west, and the evening shadows grew long, we prepared to ascend the mountain. The attention that we were obliged to pay to the sick, made our progress slow. The winding road, though steep, presented a confined view of rocky fields and hills, each hiding the other, till our farther ascent disclosed them in succession. We were seldom shaded from the declining sun, whose slant beams were instinct with exhausting heat. There are times when minor difficulties grow gigantic —times, when as the Hebrew poet expressively terms it, “the grasshopper is a burthen;” so was it with our ill fated party this evening. Adrian, usually the first to rally his spirits, and dash foremost into fatigue and hardship, with relaxed limbs and declined head, the reins hanging loosely in his grasp, left the choice of the path to the instinct of his horse, now and then painfully rousing himself, when the steepness of the ascent required that he should keep his seat with better care. Fear and horror encompassed me. Did his languid air attest that he also was struck with contagion? How long, when I look on this matchless specimen of mortality, may I perceive that his thought answers mine? how long will those limbs obey the kindly spirit within? how long will light and life dwell in the eyes of this my sole remaining friend? Thus pacing slowly, each hill surmounted, only presented another to be ascended; each jutting corner only discovered another, sister to the last, endlessly. Sometimes the pressure of sickness in one among us, caused the whole cavalcade to halt; the call for water, the eagerly expressed wish to repose; the cry of pain, and suppressed sob of the mourner—such were the sorrowful attendants of our passage of the Jura.

When the sun set in the western sky and the evening shadows grew long, we got ready to climb the mountain. We had to pay attention to the sick, which made our progress slow. The winding road was steep and offered a limited view of rocky fields and hills, each one blocking the other until we climbed higher and revealed them one by one. We were rarely shaded from the sinking sun, whose slanted rays were full of exhausting heat. There are times when small difficulties feel enormous—times when, as the Hebrew poet vividly puts it, “the grasshopper is a burden;” that’s how it felt for our unfortunate group this evening. Adrian, usually the first to lift his spirits and charge ahead through fatigue and hardship, now slumped with relaxed limbs and a bowed head, the reins hanging loosely in his hands, leaving the choice of the path to his horse’s instincts, occasionally forcing himself to rouse when the steepness required him to stay seated more carefully. Fear and horror surrounded me. Did his tired expression mean he was also falling ill? How long, as I look at this unmatched example of humanity, can I see that his thoughts mirror mine? How long will those limbs respond to the kind spirit within? How long will light and life remain in the eyes of this, my last remaining friend? As we moved slowly, each hill we climbed revealed another to tackle; each corner we turned discovered yet another, a sister to the last, endlessly. Sometimes, the sickness of one among us would cause the whole party to stop; the call for water, the eager wish to rest, the cries of pain, and the muffled sobs of the mourners—these were the sorrowful companions of our journey through the Jura.

Adrian had gone first. I saw him, while I was detained by the loosening of a girth, struggling with the upward path, seemingly more difficult than any we had yet passed. He reached the top, and the dark outline of his figure stood in relief against the sky. He seemed to behold something unexpected and wonderful; for, pausing, his head stretched out, his arms for a moment extended, he seemed to give an All Hail! to some new vision. Urged by curiosity, I hurried to join him. After battling for many tedious minutes with the precipice, the same scene presented itself to me, which had wrapt him in extatic wonder.

Adrian went ahead. I saw him while I was held up by adjusting a strap, struggling up a path that seemed harder than any we had faced before. He reached the top, and his dark silhouette stood out against the sky. He looked like he was seeing something unexpected and amazing; he paused, stretched out his head, and extended his arms for a moment as if to say, "All Hail!" to some new vision. Driven by curiosity, I rushed to catch up with him. After fighting for many exhausting minutes against the steep drop, I finally saw the same scene that had captivated him with ecstatic wonder.

Nature, or nature’s favourite, this lovely earth, presented her most unrivalled beauties in resplendent and sudden exhibition. Below, far, far below, even as it were in the yawning abyss of the ponderous globe, lay the placid and azure expanse of lake Leman; vine-covered hills hedged it in, and behind dark mountains in cone-like shape, or irregular cyclopean wall, served for further defence. But beyond, and high above all, as if the spirits of the air had suddenly unveiled their bright abodes, placed in scaleless altitude in the stainless sky, heaven-kissing, companions of the unattainable ether, were the glorious Alps, clothed in dazzling robes of light by the setting sun. And, as if the world’s wonders were never to be exhausted, their vast immensities, their jagged crags, and roseate painting, appeared again in the lake below, dipping their proud heights beneath the unruffled waves—palaces for the Naiads of the placid waters. Towns and villages lay scattered at the foot of Jura, which, with dark ravine, and black promontories, stretched its roots into the watery expanse beneath. Carried away by wonder, I forgot the death of man, and the living and beloved friend near me. When I turned, I saw tears streaming from his eyes; his thin hands pressed one against the other, his animated countenance beaming with admiration; “Why,” cried he, at last, “Why, oh heart, whisperest thou of grief to me? Drink in the beauty of that scene, and possess delight beyond what a fabled paradise could afford.”

Nature, or nature’s favorite, this beautiful earth, showcased her most stunning beauties in a breathtaking and sudden display. Below, far, far below, almost like in the deep abyss of the heavy globe, lay the calm and blue expanse of Lake Geneva; hills covered in vines surrounded it, and behind, dark, cone-shaped mountains, or irregular massive walls, provided further protection. But beyond, high above everything, as if the spirits of the air had suddenly revealed their bright homes, placed high in the clear sky, touching the heavens, companions of the unreachable ether, were the glorious Alps, wrapped in dazzling light from the setting sun. And, as if the world's wonders would never run out, their vast sizes, jagged peaks, and pink hues reflected again in the lake below, dipping their proud heights beneath the calm waves—palaces for the Naiads of the serene waters. Towns and villages were scattered at the foot of the Jura, with dark ravines and black cliffs stretching their roots into the watery expanse below. Overwhelmed by wonder, I forgot about the death of man and my living and beloved friend beside me. When I turned, I saw tears streaming from his eyes; his thin hands pressed together, his animated face shining with admiration; “Why,” he finally exclaimed, “Why, oh heart, do you whisper of grief to me? Take in the beauty of that scene and experience joy beyond what a mythical paradise could offer.”

By degrees, our whole party surmounting the steep, joined us, not one among them, but gave visible tokens of admiration, surpassing any before experienced. One cried, “God reveals his heaven to us; we may die blessed.” Another and another, with broken exclamations, and extravagant phrases, endeavoured to express the intoxicating effect of this wonder of nature. So we remained awhile, lightened of the pressing burthen of fate, forgetful of death, into whose night we were about to plunge; no longer reflecting that our eyes now and for ever were and would be the only ones which might perceive the divine magnificence of this terrestrial exhibition. An enthusiastic transport, akin to happiness, burst, like a sudden ray from the sun, on our darkened life. Precious attribute of woe-worn humanity! that can snatch extatic emotion, even from under the very share and harrow, that ruthlessly ploughs up and lays waste every hope.

Gradually, the whole group made it up the steep incline and joined us, each person showing signs of admiration that surpassed anything we'd felt before. One person exclaimed, “God is revealing His heaven to us; we might die feeling blessed.” Another followed, then another, all struggling to express the overwhelming effect of this natural wonder with fragmented words and dramatic phrases. We stayed there for a while, relieved of the heavy burden of fate, forgetting about death, into which we were about to fall; no longer considering that our eyes, now and forever, were the only ones that could witness the divine beauty of this earthly display. A surge of excitement, similar to happiness, broke through our darkened lives, like a sudden ray of sunshine. What a precious trait of weary humanity! It can pull ecstatic emotions even from beneath the cruel plow that relentlessly tears apart and destroys every hope.

This evening was marked by another event. Passing through Ferney in our way to Geneva, unaccustomed sounds of music arose from the rural church which stood embosomed in trees, surrounded by smokeless, vacant cottages. The peal of an organ with rich swell awoke the mute air, lingering along, and mingling with the intense beauty that clothed the rocks and woods, and waves around. Music—the language of the immortals, disclosed to us as testimony of their existence—music, “silver key of the fountain of tears,” child of love, soother of grief, inspirer of heroism and radiant thoughts, O music, in this our desolation, we had forgotten thee! Nor pipe at eve cheered us, nor harmony of voice, nor linked thrill of string; thou camest upon us now, like the revealing of other forms of being; and transported as we had been by the loveliness of nature, fancying that we beheld the abode of spirits, now we might well imagine that we heard their melodious communings. We paused in such awe as would seize on a pale votarist, visiting some holy shrine at midnight; if she beheld animated and smiling, the image which she worshipped. We all stood mute; many knelt. In a few minutes however, we were recalled to human wonder and sympathy by a familiar strain. The air was Haydn’s “New-Created World,” and, old and drooping as humanity had become, the world yet fresh as at creation’s day, might still be worthily celebrated by such an hymn of praise. Adrian and I entered the church; the nave was empty, though the smoke of incense rose from the altar, bringing with it the recollection of vast congregations, in once thronged cathedrals; we went into the loft. A blind old man sat at the bellows; his whole soul was ear; and as he sat in the attitude of attentive listening, a bright glow of pleasure was diffused over his countenance; for, though his lack-lustre eye could not reflect the beam, yet his parted lips, and every line of his face and venerable brow spoke delight. A young woman sat at the keys, perhaps twenty years of age. Her auburn hair hung on her neck, and her fair brow shone in its own beauty; but her drooping eyes let fall fast-flowing tears, while the constraint she exercised to suppress her sobs, and still her trembling, flushed her else pale cheek; she was thin; languor, and alas! sickness, bent her form. We stood looking at the pair, forgetting what we heard in the absorbing sight; till, the last chord struck, the peal died away in lessening reverberations. The mighty voice, inorganic we might call it, for we could in no way associate it with mechanism of pipe or key, stilled its sonorous tone, and the girl, turning to lend her assistance to her aged companion, at length perceived us.

This evening was marked by another event. As we passed through Ferney on our way to Geneva, unfamiliar sounds of music emerged from the rural church surrounded by trees and empty, smoke-free cottages. The rich echo of an organ filled the still air, lingering and blending with the stunning beauty of the rocks, woods, and waves around us. Music—the language of the divine, revealing their existence to us—music, “silver key of the fountain of tears,” child of love, comforter of sorrow, inspirer of heroism and radiant thoughts, O music, in this moment of desolation, we had forgotten you! No evening pipes cheered us, nor harmony of voices, nor interconnected strings; you came upon us now like the unveiling of other forms of being; and transported as we had been by the beauty of nature, imagining we saw the dwelling of spirits, we could now easily believe we heard their melodious conversations. We paused in awe, much like a pale devotee visiting a sacred shrine at midnight; if she were to see the image she worshiped come to life and smiling. We all stood silent; many knelt. In a few minutes, however, we were brought back to human wonder and empathy by a familiar tune. The music was Haydn’s “New-Created World,” and, old and weary as humanity had become, the world, still fresh as on the day of creation, could still be celebrated worthily with such a hymn of praise. Adrian and I entered the church; the nave was empty, though the smoke of incense rose from the altar, evoking memories of large congregations in once-crowded cathedrals; we climbed up to the loft. A blind old man sat at the bellows; his entire being was tuned to sound; and as he sat, listening intently, a bright joy spread across his face; for, though his unseeing eyes could not reflect the light, his slightly parted lips, and every line of his face and venerable brow expressed delight. A young woman sat at the keys, perhaps twenty years old. Her auburn hair fell around her neck, and her fair brow shone with its own beauty; but her drooping eyes were streaming with tears, as the effort to hold back her sobs and calm her trembling cheeks flushed her otherwise pale skin; she was thin; weariness, and sadly! illness, had bent her form. We stood watching the pair, forgetting what we heard in the captivating sight; until, as the last chord struck, the sound faded away in diminishing echoes. The powerful voice, we could only describe as organic, because we could not link it to the mechanisms of pipes or keys, hushed its sonorous tone, and the girl, turning to assist her elderly companion, finally noticed us.

It was her father; and she, since childhood, had been the guide of his darkened steps. They were Germans from Saxony, and, emigrating thither but a few years before, had formed new ties with the surrounding villagers. About the time that the pestilence had broken out, a young German student had joined them. Their simple history was easily divined. He, a noble, loved the fair daughter of the poor musician, and followed them in their flight from the persecutions of his friends; but soon the mighty leveller came with unblunted scythe to mow, together with the grass, the tall flowers of the field. The youth was an early victim. She preserved herself for her father’s sake. His blindness permitted her to continue a delusion, at first the child of accident—and now solitary beings, sole survivors in the land, he remained unacquainted with the change, nor was aware that when he listened to his child’s music, the mute mountains, senseless lake, and unconscious trees, were, himself excepted, her sole auditors.

It was her father, and since she was a child, she had been guiding his troubled steps. They were Germans from Saxony and, having emigrated there just a few years earlier, had formed new connections with the local villagers. Around the time the plague had broken out, a young German student had joined them. Their straightforward story was easy to understand. He, a nobleman, loved the beautiful daughter of a poor musician and followed them as they fled from the persecutions of his friends; but soon, the great equalizer came, with its sharp scythe, to cut down not just the grass but also the tall flowers in the field. The young man became an early victim. She kept herself safe for her father's sake. His blindness allowed her to maintain a false hope, which had started as a mere accident—and now, as the last two survivors in this land, he remained unaware of the change. He did not realize that when he listened to his daughter’s music, the silent mountains, the unfeeling lake, and the oblivious trees were, aside from him, her only audience.

The very day that we arrived she had been attacked by symptomatic illness. She was paralyzed with horror at the idea of leaving her aged, sightless father alone on the empty earth; but she had not courage to disclose the truth, and the very excess of her desperation animated her to surpassing exertions. At the accustomed vesper hour, she led him to the chapel; and, though trembling and weeping on his account, she played, without fault in time, or error in note, the hymn written to celebrate the creation of the adorned earth, soon to be her tomb.

The very day we arrived, she had been struck by a serious illness. She was filled with dread at the thought of leaving her elderly, blind father all alone in this empty world; yet she didn’t have the courage to reveal the truth, and her intense desperation pushed her to extraordinary efforts. At the usual evening prayer time, she took him to the chapel; and despite shaking and crying for his sake, she played flawlessly, without missing a beat or hitting a wrong note, the hymn composed to celebrate the beauty of the world, which was soon to become her grave.

We came to her like visitors from heaven itself; her high-wrought courage; her hardly sustained firmness, fled with the appearance of relief. With a shriek she rushed towards us, embraced the knees of Adrian, and uttering but the words, “O save my father!” with sobs and hysterical cries, opened the long-shut floodgates of her woe.

We approached her like we were angels from heaven; her intense bravery; her barely-held-together strength vanished the moment she saw us. With a scream, she ran toward us, fell to her knees in front of Adrian, and cried out, “O save my father!” while she sobbed and let out frantic cries, unleashing the long-suppressed flood of her grief.

Poor girl!—she and her father now lie side by side, beneath the high walnut-tree where her lover reposes, and which in her dying moments she had pointed out to us. Her father, at length aware of his daughter’s danger, unable to see the changes of her dear countenance, obstinately held her hand, till it was chilled and stiffened by death. Nor did he then move or speak, till, twelve hours after, kindly death took him to his breakless repose. They rest beneath the sod, the tree their monument;—the hallowed spot is distinct in my memory, paled in by craggy Jura, and the far, immeasurable Alps; the spire of the church they frequented still points from out the embosoming trees; and though her hand be cold, still methinks the sounds of divine music which they loved wander about, solacing their gentle ghosts.

Poor girl! She and her father now lie side by side beneath the tall walnut tree where her lover rests, which she had pointed out to us in her final moments. Her father, finally realizing the danger she was in, couldn’t bear to see the changes in her beloved face, so he stubbornly held her hand until it grew cold and stiff with death. He didn’t move or speak until, twelve hours later, gentle death took him to his eternal rest. They lie beneath the ground, with the tree as their monument. The sacred spot is vivid in my memory, overshadowed by the rugged Jura and the distant, endless Alps. The spire of the church they used to attend still rises among the surrounding trees, and though her hand is cold, I can still hear the sounds of the divine music they cherished drifting around, comforting their gentle spirits.

[24] Burke’s Reflections on the French Revolution.

[24] Burke’s Thoughts on the French Revolution.

CHAPTER VIII.

We had now reached Switzerland, so long the final mark and aim of our exertions. We had looked, I know not wherefore, with hope and pleasing expectation on her congregation of hills and snowy crags, and opened our bosoms with renewed spirits to the icy Biz, which even at Midsummer used to come from the northern glacier laden with cold. Yet how could we nourish expectation of relief? Like our native England, and the vast extent of fertile France, this mountain-embowered land was desolate of its inhabitants. Nor bleak mountain-top, nor snow-nourished rivulet; not the ice-laden Biz, nor thunder, the tamer of contagion, had preserved them— why therefore should we claim exemption?

We had now arrived in Switzerland, which had long been the final destination of our efforts. We had looked, I don’t know why, with hope and excitement at its collection of hills and snowy peaks, and opened our hearts with renewed energy to the icy Biz, which even in midsummer came from the northern glacier filled with cold. Yet how could we expect relief? Like our home England and the vast stretches of fertile France, this mountainous land was empty of its people. Neither the barren mountaintops nor the snow-fed streams; not the icy Biz, nor the thunder that calms disease, had saved them— so why should we expect to be spared?

Who was there indeed to save? What troop had we brought fit to stand at bay, and combat with the conqueror? We were a failing remnant, tamed to mere submission to the coming blow. A train half dead, through fear of death—a hopeless, unresisting, almost reckless crew, which, in the tossed bark of life, had given up all pilotage, and resigned themselves to the destructive force of ungoverned winds. Like a few furrows of unreaped corn, which, left standing on a wide field after the rest is gathered to the garner, are swiftly borne down by the winter storm. Like a few straggling swallows, which, remaining after their fellows had, on the first unkind breath of passing autumn, migrated to genial climes, were struck to earth by the first frost of November. Like a stray sheep that wanders over the sleet-beaten hill-side, while the flock is in the pen, and dies before morning-dawn. Like a cloud, like one of many that were spread in impenetrable woof over the sky, which, when the shepherd north has driven its companions “to drink Antipodean noon,” fades and dissolves in the clear ether—Such were we!

Who was there to save us? What group had we brought that was ready to stand up and fight the conqueror? We were a fading remnant, resigned to just submitting to the inevitable blow. A team that was nearly dead from the fear of death—a hopeless, unresisting, almost reckless crew, who, in the turbulent journey of life, had given up all sense of direction and surrendered to the destructive force of uncontrolled winds. Like a few stalks of unharvested corn, left standing in a vast field after the rest had been gathered, quickly brought down by the winter storm. Like a few stray swallows, remaining after their friends had migrated to warmer places with the first chill of autumn, struck to the ground by the first frost of November. Like a lost sheep wandering over the icy hillside while the flock stays in the pen, and dies before dawn. Like a cloud, one among many that were spread in an impenetrable blanket over the sky, which, when the northern wind has driven its companions “to drink Antipodean noon,” fades and dissolves in the clear air—That’s what we were!

We left the fair margin of the beauteous lake of Geneva, and entered the Alpine ravines; tracing to its source the brawling Arve, through the rock-bound valley of Servox, beside the mighty waterfalls, and under the shadow of the inaccessible mountains, we travelled on; while the luxuriant walnut-tree gave place to the dark pine, whose musical branches swung in the wind, and whose upright forms had braved a thousand storms—till the verdant sod, the flowery dell, and shrubbery hill were exchanged for the sky-piercing, untrodden, seedless rock, “the bones of the world, waiting to be clothed with every thing necessary to give life and beauty.”[25] Strange that we should seek shelter here! Surely, if, in those countries where earth was wont, like a tender mother, to nourish her children, we had found her a destroyer, we need not seek it here, where stricken by keen penury she seems to shudder through her stony veins. Nor were we mistaken in our conjecture. We vainly sought the vast and ever moving glaciers of Chamounix, rifts of pendant ice, seas of congelated waters, the leafless groves of tempest-battered pines, dells, mere paths for the loud avalanche, and hill-tops, the resort of thunder-storms. Pestilence reigned paramount even here. By the time that day and night, like twin sisters of equal growth, shared equally their dominion over the hours, one by one, beneath the ice-caves, beside the waters springing from the thawed snows of a thousand winters, another and yet another of the remnant of the race of Man, closed their eyes for ever to the light.

We left the beautiful shore of Lake Geneva and entered the Alpine ravines; following the rushing Arve to its source, through the rocky valley of Servox, alongside the powerful waterfalls, and under the shadow of the inaccessible mountains, we traveled on. The lush walnut trees gave way to dark pine trees, whose swaying branches sang in the wind, and whose tall forms had withstood countless storms—until the grassy fields, flowery valleys, and shrub-covered hills were replaced by sky-high, untouched, barren rock, “the bones of the world, waiting to be clothed with everything necessary to give life and beauty.” [25] It's strange that we would seek shelter here! Surely, if, in those lands where the earth used to nurture her children like a caring mother, we found her to be a destroyer, we shouldn't look for refuge here, where she seems to shudder from her stony veins, gripped by harsh poverty. And we were right in our assumption. We searched in vain for the vast, ever-moving glaciers of Chamounix, hanging ice shards, frozen seas, leafless groves of wind-battered pines, valleys that served merely as paths for the deafening avalanches, and mountain tops, the domain of thunderstorms. Disease ruled supreme even here. By the time day and night, like twin sisters of equal height, shared their dominion over the hours, one by one, beneath the ice caves and beside the waters springing from the thawed snow of a thousand winters, another and yet another of the remnants of humanity closed their eyes forever to the light.

Yet we were not quite wrong in seeking a scene like this, whereon to close the drama. Nature, true to the last, consoled us in the very heart of misery. Sublime grandeur of outward objects soothed our hapless hearts, and were in harmony with our desolation. Many sorrows have befallen man during his chequered course; and many a woe-stricken mourner has found himself sole survivor among many. Our misery took its majestic shape and colouring from the vast ruin, that accompanied and made one with it. Thus on lovely earth, many a dark ravine contains a brawling stream, shadowed by romantic rocks, threaded by mossy paths—but all, except this, wanted the mighty back-ground, the towering Alps, whose snowy capes, or bared ridges, lifted us from our dull mortal abode, to the palaces of Nature’s own.

Yet we weren't completely wrong in wanting a scene like this to wrap up the story. Nature, as always, comforted us even in the depths of despair. The magnificent beauty of the surroundings eased our troubled hearts and resonated with our sorrow. Many hardships have struck humanity throughout its unpredictable journey, and many heartbroken mourners have found themselves alone among the others. Our suffering took on a grand form and color from the immense destruction that accompanied it and became one with it. So, on this beautiful earth, many dark valleys hold a rushing stream, shaded by picturesque rocks, lined with mossy paths—but all, except this, lacked the impressive backdrop, the towering Alps, whose snowy peaks or rugged ridges lifted us from our mundane existence to the palaces of Nature herself.

This solemn harmony of event and situation regulated our feelings, and gave as it were fitting costume to our last act. Majestic gloom and tragic pomp attended the decease of wretched humanity. The funeral procession of monarchs of old, was transcended by our splendid shews. Near the sources of the Arveiron we performed the rites for, four only excepted, the last of the species. Adrian and I, leaving Clara and Evelyn wrapt in peaceful unobserving slumber, carried the body to this desolate spot, and placed it in those caves of ice beneath the glacier, which rive and split with the slightest sound, and bring destruction on those within the clefts—no bird or beast of prey could here profane the frozen form. So, with hushed steps and in silence, we placed the dead on a bier of ice, and then, departing, stood on the rocky platform beside the river springs. All hushed as we had been, the very striking of the air with our persons had sufficed to disturb the repose of this thawless region; and we had hardly left the cavern, before vast blocks of ice, detaching themselves from the roof, fell, and covered the human image we had deposited within. We had chosen a fair moonlight night, but our journey thither had been long, and the crescent sank behind the western heights by the time we had accomplished our purpose. The snowy mountains and blue glaciers shone in their own light. The rugged and abrupt ravine, which formed one side of Mont Anvert, was opposite to us, the glacier at our side; at our feet Arveiron, white and foaming, dashed over the pointed rocks that jutted into it, and, with whirring spray and ceaseless roar, disturbed the stilly night. Yellow lightnings played around the vast dome of Mont Blanc, silent as the snow-clad rock they illuminated; all was bare, wild, and sublime, while the singing of the pines in melodious murmurings added a gentle interest to the rough magnificence. Now the riving and fall of icy rocks clave the air; now the thunder of the avalanche burst on our ears. In countries whose features are of less magnitude, nature betrays her living powers in the foliage of the trees, in the growth of herbage, in the soft purling of meandering streams; here, endowed with giant attributes, the torrent, the thunder-storm, and the flow of massive waters, display her activity. Such the church-yard, such the requiem, such the eternal congregation, that waited on our companion’s funeral!

This solemn blend of events and circumstances shaped our emotions and provided an appropriate backdrop for our final act. A majestic gloom and tragic grandeur accompanied the passing of miserable humanity. The funeral processions of ancient kings were overshadowed by our magnificent displays. Near the sources of the Arveiron, we performed the rites for all but four of the last of the species. Adrian and I, leaving Clara and Evelyn wrapped in peaceful, undisturbed sleep, carried the body to this desolate place and laid it in the ice caves beneath the glacier, which crack and splinter at the slightest sound, bringing destruction to those within the crevices—no bird or predator could disturb the frozen form here. So, with quiet steps and in silence, we placed the dead on a bier of ice, and then, as we departed, stood on the rocky platform beside the river springs. Despite our silence, even the slightest movement in the air disturbed the tranquility of this frost-covered region; we had hardly left the cavern before massive blocks of ice fell from the ceiling, covering the human form we had laid inside. We had chosen a beautiful moonlit night, but our journey there had been long, and by the time we finished our task, the crescent moon had sunk behind the western peaks. The snowy mountains and blue glaciers glimmered with their own light. The rugged ravine on one side of Mont Anvert was in front of us, the glacier beside us; at our feet, the Arveiron rushed white and foaming over the pointed rocks that jutted out, creating a spray and a constant roar that disturbed the stillness of the night. Yellow lightning flickered around the vast dome of Mont Blanc, silent as the snow-covered rock it illuminated; everything was bare, wild, and sublime, while the gentle whispering of the pines added a soft interest to the rugged splendor. At times, the rending and crashing of icy rocks broke the air; other times, the thunder of the avalanche echoed in our ears. In regions with less dramatic landscapes, nature shows her life in the foliage of the trees, the growth of grass, and the gentle flow of meandering streams; here, with her giant attributes, the torrent, the thunderstorm, and the flow of massive waters demonstrate her power. Such was the graveyard, such was the farewell, such was the eternal gathering that joined us for our companion's funeral!

Nor was it the human form alone which we had placed in this eternal sepulchre, whose obsequies we now celebrated. With this last victim Plague vanished from the earth. Death had never wanted weapons wherewith to destroy life, and we, few and weak as we had become, were still exposed to every other shaft with which his full quiver teemed. But pestilence was absent from among them. For seven years it had had full sway upon earth; she had trod every nook of our spacious globe; she had mingled with the atmosphere, which as a cloak enwraps all our fellow-creatures—the inhabitants of native Europe—the luxurious Asiatic—the swarthy African and free American had been vanquished and destroyed by her. Her barbarous tyranny came to its close here in the rocky vale of Chamounix.

It wasn't just the human body we had laid to rest in this eternal tomb, whose funeral we were now observing. With this last victim, the Plague disappeared from the earth. Death had never lacked tools to extinguish life, and we, though few and weak, remained open to every other threat in his full arsenal. But disease was no longer among them. For seven years, it had freely roamed the earth; it had touched every corner of our vast planet; it had blended with the air, which wraps around all our fellow beings—the native Europeans, the indulgent Asians, the dark-skinned Africans, and the free Americans had been conquered and destroyed by it. Her brutal reign ended here in the rocky valley of Chamounix.

Still recurring scenes of misery and pain, the fruits of this distemper, made no more a part of our lives—the word plague no longer rung in our ears—the aspect of plague incarnate in the human countenance no longer appeared before our eyes. From this moment I saw plague no more. She abdicated her throne, and despoiled herself of her imperial sceptre among the ice rocks that surrounded us. She left solitude and silence co-heirs of her kingdom.

Still recurring scenes of misery and pain, the results of this illness, were no longer a part of our lives—the word plague no longer echoed in our ears—the sight of plague, reflected in the human face, no longer appeared before us. From that moment on, I saw plague no more. She stepped down from her throne and stripped away her royal scepter among the icy rocks that surrounded us. She left solitude and silence as co-heirs of her kingdom.

My present feelings are so mingled with the past, that I cannot say whether the knowledge of this change visited us, as we stood on this sterile spot. It seems to me that it did; that a cloud seemed to pass from over us, that a weight was taken from the air; that henceforth we breathed more freely, and raised our heads with some portion of former liberty. Yet we did not hope. We were impressed by the sentiment, that our race was run, but that plague would not be our destroyer. The coming time was as a mighty river, down which a charmed boat is driven, whose mortal steersman knows, that the obvious peril is not the one he needs fear, yet that danger is nigh; and who floats awe-struck under beetling precipices, through the dark and turbid waters—seeing in the distance yet stranger and ruder shapes, towards which he is irresistibly impelled. What would become of us? O for some Delphic oracle, or Pythian maid, to utter the secrets of futurity! O for some Œdipus to solve the riddle of the cruel Sphynx! Such Œdipus was I to be—not divining a word’s juggle, but whose agonizing pangs, and sorrow-tainted life were to be the engines, wherewith to lay bare the secrets of destiny, and reveal the meaning of the enigma, whose explanation closed the history of the human race.

My current feelings are so mixed with the past that I can't tell if the awareness of this change hit us while we stood in this barren place. It feels like it did; like a cloud passed over us, lifting a weight from the air; from that moment on, we breathed more freely, raising our heads with a bit of our former freedom. Yet we didn't have any hopes. We were struck by the feeling that our time was up, but that plague wouldn't be our end. The future felt like a powerful river, and we were in a magical boat, knowing that the obvious danger wasn't what we needed to fear, but that threats were close; we floated, awestruck, beneath towering cliffs, through dark, murky waters—seeing in the distance even stranger and more menacing shapes, to which we were irresistibly drawn. What would happen to us? Oh, for some oracle or prophetic figure to reveal the secrets of the future! Oh, for some Oedipus to solve the riddle of the cruel Sphinx! Such an Oedipus was I to become—not deciphering mere words, but whose agonizing pain and sorrow-filled life would be the instruments to uncover the secrets of fate and reveal the meaning of the riddle that closed the history of humanity.

Dim fancies, akin to these, haunted our minds, and instilled feelings not unallied to pleasure, as we stood beside this silent tomb of nature, reared by these lifeless mountains, above her living veins, choking her vital principle. “Thus are we left,” said Adrian, “two melancholy blasted trees, where once a forest waved. We are left to mourn, and pine, and die. Yet even now we have our duties, which we must string ourselves to fulfil: the duty of bestowing pleasure where we can, and by force of love, irradiating with rainbow hues the tempest of grief. Nor will I repine if in this extremity we preserve what we now possess. Something tells me, Verney, that we need no longer dread our cruel enemy, and I cling with delight to the oracular voice. Though strange, it will be sweet to mark the growth of your little boy, and the development of Clara’s young heart. In the midst of a desert world, we are everything to them; and, if we live, it must be our task to make this new mode of life happy to them. At present this is easy, for their childish ideas do not wander into futurity, and the stinging craving for sympathy, and all of love of which our nature is susceptible, is not yet awake within them: we cannot guess what will happen then, when nature asserts her indefeasible and sacred powers; but, long before that time, we may all be cold, as he who lies in yonder tomb of ice. We need only provide for the present, and endeavour to fill with pleasant images the inexperienced fancy of your lovely niece. The scenes which now surround us, vast and sublime as they are, are not such as can best contribute to this work. Nature is here like our fortunes, grand, but too destructive, bare, and rude, to be able to afford delight to her young imagination. Let us descend to the sunny plains of Italy. Winter will soon be here, to clothe this wilderness in double desolation; but we will cross the bleak hill-tops, and lead her to scenes of fertility and beauty, where her path will be adorned with flowers, and the cheery atmosphere inspire pleasure and hope.”

Dim dreams, like these, lingered in our minds and sparked feelings not entirely unlike pleasure as we stood beside this quiet grave of nature, created by these lifeless mountains, stifling her life force. “This is how we are left,” Adrian said, “two sorrowful, stunted trees where a forest once grew. We’re left to grieve, pine, and fade away. Yet even now we have our responsibilities, which we must muster ourselves to fulfill: the duty to bring joy where we can and, through the power of love, brighten the storm of grief with flashes of color. I won’t complain if, in this dire time, we manage to hold onto what we have. Something tells me, Verney, that we no longer need to fear our cruel enemy, and I hold onto that reassuring thought. Though it’s strange, it will be sweet to watch your little boy grow and to see Clara’s young heart develop. In this desolate world, we mean everything to them; and if we survive, it must be our mission to make this new way of life joyful for them. Right now, that’s easy, because their childish thoughts don’t wander into the future, and the deep longing for connection, and all the love our nature craves, isn’t awakened in them yet: we can't predict what will happen when nature asserts her undeniable and sacred powers; but, long before that time, we might all be cold like the one resting in that tomb of ice. We just need to take care of the present and try to fill the curious imagination of your lovely niece with pleasant images. The scenes surrounding us, as vast and grand as they are, don’t quite lend themselves to this task. Nature here resembles our fortunes—impressive, yet too harsh, bare, and rough to bring joy to her youthful imagination. Let's move down to the sunny plains of Italy. Winter will soon arrive, draping this wilderness in a deeper desolation; but we will cross the bleak hilltops and take her to places of fertility and beauty, where her journey will be lined with flowers, and the cheerful atmosphere will inspire joy and hope.”

In pursuance of this plan we quitted Chamounix on the following day. We had no cause to hasten our steps; no event was transacted beyond our actual sphere to enchain our resolves, so we yielded to every idle whim, and deemed our time well spent, when we could behold the passage of the hours without dismay. We loitered along the lovely Vale of Servox; passed long hours on the bridge, which, crossing the ravine of Arve, commands a prospect of its pine-clothed depths, and the snowy mountains that wall it in. We rambled through romantic Switzerland; till, fear of coming winter leading us forward, the first days of October found us in the valley of La Maurienne, which leads to Cenis. I cannot explain the reluctance we felt at leaving this land of mountains; perhaps it was, that we regarded the Alps as boundaries between our former and our future state of existence, and so clung fondly to what of old we had loved. Perhaps, because we had now so few impulses urging to a choice between two modes of action, we were pleased to preserve the existence of one, and preferred the prospect of what we were to do, to the recollection of what had been done. We felt that for this year danger was past; and we believed that, for some months, we were secured to each other. There was a thrilling, agonizing delight in the thought—it filled the eyes with misty tears, it tore the heart with tumultuous heavings; frailer than the “snow fall in the river,” were we each and all—but we strove to give life and individuality to the meteoric course of our several existences, and to feel that no moment escaped us unenjoyed. Thus tottering on the dizzy brink, we were happy. Yes! as we sat beneath the toppling rocks, beside the waterfalls, near

In following this plan, we left Chamounix the next day. We didn’t need to rush; nothing was happening outside our immediate surroundings to force us to act, so we indulged every whim and felt our time was well spent just watching the hours pass by without worry. We wandered through the beautiful Vale of Servox, spent long hours on the bridge spanning the Arve ravine, enjoying the view of its pine-covered depths and the snowy mountains surrounding it. We strolled through picturesque Switzerland until, with winter approaching, the early days of October found us in the valley of La Maurienne, leading to Cenis. I can’t explain why we were reluctant to leave this land of mountains; maybe it was because we saw the Alps as a boundary between our past and future lives, making us hold on to what we had once cherished. Perhaps, since we had few urges to choose between two paths, we liked the idea of keeping one alive and preferred thinking about what lay ahead over reminiscing about what had already happened. We felt that the danger had passed for this year, and we believed that, for several months, we were safe together. There was an exciting, painful joy in that thought—it filled our eyes with misty tears and made our hearts beat wildly; more fragile than the "snow falling in the river," we were each and all, but we tried to give life and individuality to our fleeting lives and to feel that no moment passed without enjoyment. Thus, on the edge of uncertainty, we were happy. Yes! as we sat under the leaning rocks, beside the waterfalls, near

—Forests, ancient as the hills,
And folding sunny spots of greenery,

—Forests, as old as the hills,
And filled with sunny patches of greenery,

where the chamois grazed, and the timid squirrel laid up its hoard—descanting on the charms of nature, drinking in the while her unalienable beauties—we were, in an empty world, happy.

where the chamois grazed, and the shy squirrel stored its stash—talking about the wonders of nature, taking in her undeniable beauties—we were, in a quiet world, happy.

Yet, O days of joy—days, when eye spoke to eye, and voices, sweeter than the music of the swinging branches of the pines, or rivulet’s gentle murmur, answered mine—yet, O days replete with beatitude, days of loved society—days unutterably dear to me forlorn—pass, O pass before me, making me in your memory forget what I am. Behold, how my streaming eyes blot this senseless paper—behold, how my features are convulsed by agonizing throes, at your mere recollection, now that, alone, my tears flow, my lips quiver, my cries fill the air, unseen, unmarked, unheard! Yet, O yet, days of delight! let me dwell on your long-drawn hours!

Yet, oh, days of joy—days when eyes connected with eyes, and voices, sweeter than the sounds of the swaying pine branches or the gentle murmur of a stream, responded to mine—yet, oh, days filled with happiness, days of loved companionship—days that are indescribably dear to me in my loneliness—pass, oh pass before me, causing me to forget who I am in your memory. Look, how my teary eyes blur this pointless paper—look, how my face is twisted in pain at your mere memory, now that, alone, my tears flow, my lips tremble, my cries fill the air, unseen, unnoticed, unheard! Yet, oh yet, days of delight! let me linger on your long hours!

As the cold increased upon us, we passed the Alps, and descended into Italy. At the uprising of morn, we sat at our repast, and cheated our regrets by gay sallies or learned disquisitions. The live-long day we sauntered on, still keeping in view the end of our journey, but careless of the hour of its completion. As the evening star shone out, and the orange sunset, far in the west, marked the position of the dear land we had for ever left, talk, thought enchaining, made the hours fly—O that we had lived thus for ever and for ever! Of what consequence was it to our four hearts, that they alone were the fountains of life in the wide world? As far as mere individual sentiment was concerned, we had rather be left thus united together, than if, each alone in a populous desert of unknown men, we had wandered truly companionless till life’s last term. In this manner, we endeavoured to console each other; in this manner, true philosophy taught us to reason.

As the cold settled in, we passed the Alps and descended into Italy. At dawn, we sat down to eat and distracted ourselves from our regrets with cheerful banter or interesting discussions. We strolled on all day, always aware of our journey's destination but unconcerned about when we'd arrive. As the evening star appeared and the orange sunset in the west signaled the land we had left behind, our engaging conversations made the time fly—oh, how we wished we could live like this forever! What did it matter to our four hearts that they were the only sources of life in the vast world? When it came to our feelings, we would rather be united like this than wander alone in a crowded desert of strangers, truly alone until the end of our days. In this way, we tried to comfort each other; in this way, true philosophy guided our reasoning.

It was the delight of Adrian and myself to wait on Clara, naming her the little queen of the world, ourselves her humblest servitors. When we arrived at a town, our first care was to select for her its most choice abode; to make sure that no harrowing relic remained of its former inhabitants; to seek food for her, and minister to her wants with assiduous tenderness. Clara entered into our scheme with childish gaiety. Her chief business was to attend on Evelyn; but it was her sport to array herself in splendid robes, adorn herself with sunny gems, and ape a princely state. Her religion, deep and pure, did not teach her to refuse to blunt thus the keen sting of regret; her youthful vivacity made her enter, heart and soul, into these strange masquerades.

Adrian and I loved taking care of Clara, calling her the little queen of the world, while we became her humble servants. Whenever we got to a town, our first priority was to find her the best place to stay; we made sure there were no painful reminders left by the previous residents; we looked for food for her and took care of her needs with dedicated affection. Clara joined in our plans with playful excitement. Her main role was to look after Evelyn, but she enjoyed dressing up in fancy clothes, decorating herself with bright jewels, and pretending to live in royal style. Her deep and pure beliefs didn’t stop her from dulling the sharp pain of sadness; her youthful energy allowed her to fully dive into these fun make-believe moments.

We had resolved to pass the ensuing winter at Milan, which, as being a large and luxurious city, would afford us choice of homes. We had descended the Alps, and left far behind their vast forests and mighty crags. We entered smiling Italy. Mingled grass and corn grew in her plains, the unpruned vines threw their luxuriant branches around the elms. The grapes, overripe, had fallen on the ground, or hung purple, or burnished green, among the red and yellow leaves. The ears of standing corn winnowed to emptiness by the spendthrift winds; the fallen foliage of the trees, the weed-grown brooks, the dusky olive, now spotted with its blackened fruit; the chestnuts, to which the squirrel only was harvest-man; all plenty, and yet, alas! all poverty, painted in wondrous hues and fantastic groupings this land of beauty. In the towns, in the voiceless towns, we visited the churches, adorned by pictures, master-pieces of art, or galleries of statues—while in this genial clime the animals, in new found liberty, rambled through the gorgeous palaces, and hardly feared our forgotten aspect. The dove-coloured oxen turned their full eyes on us, and paced slowly by; a startling throng of silly sheep, with pattering feet, would start up in some chamber, formerly dedicated to the repose of beauty, and rush, huddling past us, down the marble staircase into the street, and again in at the first open door, taking unrebuked possession of hallowed sanctuary, or kingly council-chamber. We no longer started at these occurrences, nor at worse exhibition of change—when the palace had become a mere tomb, pregnant with fetid stench, strewn with the dead; and we could perceive how pestilence and fear had played strange antics, chasing the luxurious dame to the dank fields and bare cottage; gathering, among carpets of Indian woof, and beds of silk, the rough peasant, or the deformed half-human shape of the wretched beggar.

We had decided to spend the upcoming winter in Milan, a large and luxurious city that would give us plenty of choices for places to stay. We had come down from the Alps, leaving behind their vast forests and towering peaks. We entered sunny Italy. In its plains, grass and corn grew together, and the untrimmed vines wrapped their lush branches around the elms. The grapes, overripe, had fallen to the ground or hung purple or shiny green among the red and yellow leaves. The standing corn was left empty by the reckless winds; fallen leaves from the trees, overgrown brooks, and the dark olive trees, now spotted with their blackened fruit; the chestnuts, which only the squirrels harvested; all of this represented abundance, yet, sadly, it was all poverty, displayed in beautiful colors and odd arrangements in this land of beauty. In the towns, in the silent towns, we visited churches adorned with paintings, masterpieces of art, and galleries of statues—while in this pleasant climate, animals roamed freely through the grand palaces, hardly frightened by our unfamiliar presence. The dove-gray oxen looked at us with their big eyes and walked slowly past; a sudden flock of silly sheep, with quick little feet, would burst into a room that used to be a place of beauty and scurry past us down the marble stairs into the street, rushing back into the first open door they found, taking over the sacred space or the royal meeting room without anyone saying a word. We no longer reacted to these occurrences, nor to worse transformations—when a palace had become just a stifling tomb, filled with a foul odor and scattered with the dead; and we could see how disease and fear had caused strange changes, driving the wealthy lady to the damp fields and bare cottages, while the rough peasant or the deformed, half-human figure of a beggar took over spaces once filled with Indian carpets and silk beds.

We arrived at Milan, and stationed ourselves in the Vice-Roy’s palace. Here we made laws for ourselves, dividing our day, and fixing distinct occupations for each hour. In the morning we rode in the adjoining country, or wandered through the palaces, in search of pictures or antiquities. In the evening we assembled to read or to converse. There were few books that we dared read; few, that did not cruelly deface the painting we bestowed on our solitude, by recalling combinations and emotions never more to be experienced by us. Metaphysical disquisition; fiction, which wandering from all reality, lost itself in self-created errors; poets of times so far gone by, that to read of them was as to read of Atlantis and Utopia; or such as referred to nature only, and the workings of one particular mind; but most of all, talk, varied and ever new, beguiled our hours.

We arrived in Milan and settled into the Vice-Roy’s palace. Here, we set our own rules, dividing our day and assigning specific tasks for each hour. In the morning, we rode through the nearby countryside or explored the palaces, looking for art or antiques. In the evening, we gathered to read or chat. There were only a few books we dared to read, as most of them spoiled the peace of our solitude by reminding us of feelings and experiences we could never have again. Philosophical discussions, fiction that strayed far from reality and got lost in its own mistakes, poets from such distant times that reading about them felt like delving into the myths of Atlantis and Utopia, or works that focused only on nature and the thoughts of a single mind—these were few and far between. But above all, varied and ever-fresh conversations captivated our time.

While we paused thus in our onward career towards death, time held on its accustomed course. Still and for ever did the earth roll on, enthroned in her atmospheric car, speeded by the force of the invisible coursers of never-erring necessity. And now, this dew-drop in the sky, this ball, ponderous with mountains, lucent with waves, passing from the short tyranny of watery Pisces and the frigid Ram, entered the radiant demesne of Taurus and the Twins. There, fanned by vernal airs, the Spirit of Beauty sprung from her cold repose; and, with winnowing wings and soft pacing feet, set a girdle of verdure around the earth, sporting among the violets, hiding within the springing foliage of the trees, tripping lightly down the radiant streams into the sunny deep. “For lo! winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth, the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; the fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines, with the tender grape, give a good smell.”[26] Thus was it in the time of the ancient regal poet; thus was it now.

While we paused in our journey toward death, time continued its usual path. The earth kept spinning, surrounded by its atmosphere, driven by the forces of the unseen powers of unchanging necessity. Now, this droplet in the sky, this massive sphere filled with mountains and sparkling with waves, had moved from the brief reign of watery Pisces and the cold Ram into the bright territory of Taurus and the Twins. There, caressed by spring breezes, the Spirit of Beauty awakened from her chilly slumber; and, with fluttering wings and gentle steps, she created a green belt around the earth, playing among the violets, hidden within the budding leaves of the trees, dancing lightly down the shining streams into the sunny depths. “For behold! winter is over, the rain has passed; the flowers are blooming on the earth, the time for birdsong has arrived, and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land; the fig tree produces its green figs, and the vines, with their tender grapes, emit a sweet fragrance.”[26] It was the same in the time of the ancient royal poet; it is the same now.

Yet how could we miserable hail the approach of this delightful season? We hoped indeed that death did not now as heretofore walk in its shadow; yet, left as we were alone to each other, we looked in each other’s faces with enquiring eyes, not daring altogether to trust to our presentiments, and endeavouring to divine which would be the hapless survivor to the other three. We were to pass the summer at the lake of Como, and thither we removed as soon as spring grew to her maturity, and the snow disappeared from the hill tops. Ten miles from Como, under the steep heights of the eastern mountains, by the margin of the lake, was a villa called the Pliniana, from its being built on the site of a fountain, whose periodical ebb and flow is described by the younger Pliny in his letters. The house had nearly fallen into ruin, till in the year 2090, an English nobleman had bought it, and fitted it up with every luxury. Two large halls, hung with splendid tapestry, and paved with marble, opened on each side of a court, of whose two other sides one overlooked the deep dark lake, and the other was bounded by a mountain, from whose stony side gushed, with roar and splash, the celebrated fountain. Above, underwood of myrtle and tufts of odorous plants crowned the rock, while the star-pointing giant cypresses reared themselves in the blue air, and the recesses of the hills were adorned with the luxuriant growth of chestnut-trees. Here we fixed our summer residence. We had a lovely skiff, in which we sailed, now stemming the midmost waves, now coasting the over-hanging and craggy banks, thick sown with evergreens, which dipped their shining leaves in the waters, and were mirrored in many a little bay and creek of waters of translucent darkness. Here orange plants bloomed, here birds poured forth melodious hymns; and here, during spring, the cold snake emerged from the clefts, and basked on the sunny terraces of rock.

Yet how could we, in our misery, welcome the arrival of this beautiful season? We truly hoped that death was not, as before, lurking in its shadows; however, left alone with each other, we gazed into one another’s faces with questioning eyes, hesitant to fully trust our instincts, trying to figure out which one of us would be the unfortunate survivor among the three. We planned to spend the summer at Lake Como, and we moved there as soon as spring reached its peak and the snow melted from the mountaintops. Ten miles from Como, at the foot of the steep eastern mountains, by the edge of the lake, stood a villa called Pliniana, named after the fountain it was built upon, which the younger Pliny mentioned in his letters for its periodic ebb and flow. The house had nearly fallen into ruin until in 2090, an English nobleman purchased it and renovated it with every luxury. Two grand halls, adorned with splendid tapestries and marble floors, opened on either side of a courtyard, with one side overlooking the deep, dark lake and the other bordered by a mountain, from which the famous fountain gushed, roaring and splashing. Above, myrtle bushes and fragrant plants crowned the rock, while towering cypress trees stretched towards the blue sky, and the recesses of the hills were decorated with the lush growth of chestnut trees. Here, we set up our summer home. We had a charming small boat, in which we sailed, sometimes navigating the open waters, and at other times hugging the rugged, overhanging banks, densely planted with evergreens that dipped their glossy leaves into the water, reflected in many little bays and inlets of translucent darkness. Here, orange plants blossomed, birds sang sweetly, and here, during spring, cold snakes emerged from the crevices and basked on the sunny rock terraces.

Were we not happy in this paradisiacal retreat? If some kind spirit had whispered forgetfulness to us, methinks we should have been happy here, where the precipitous mountains, nearly pathless, shut from our view the far fields of desolate earth, and with small exertion of the imagination, we might fancy that the cities were still resonant with popular hum, and the peasant still guided his plough through the furrow, and that we, the world’s free denizens, enjoyed a voluntary exile, and not a remediless cutting off from our extinct species.

Were we not happy in this paradise? If some kind spirit had whispered forgetfulness to us, I think we would have been happy here, where the steep mountains, nearly pathless, blocked our view of the distant barren lands. With just a little effort of imagination, we could pretend that the cities were still alive with the sounds of people, and that farmers were still plowing their fields, and that we, the world's free citizens, were enjoying a chosen exile, not a hopeless separation from our lost kind.

Not one among us enjoyed the beauty of this scenery so much as Clara. Before we quitted Milan, a change had taken place in her habits and manners. She lost her gaiety, she laid aside her sports, and assumed an almost vestal plainness of attire. She shunned us, retiring with Evelyn to some distant chamber or silent nook; nor did she enter into his pastimes with the same zest as she was wont, but would sit and watch him with sadly tender smiles, and eyes bright with tears, yet without a word of complaint. She approached us timidly, avoided our caresses, nor shook off her embarrassment till some serious discussion or lofty theme called her for awhile out of herself. Her beauty grew as a rose, which, opening to the summer wind, discloses leaf after leaf till the sense aches with its excess of loveliness. A slight and variable colour tinged her cheeks, and her motions seemed attuned by some hidden harmony of surpassing sweetness. We redoubled our tenderness and earnest attentions. She received them with grateful smiles, that fled swift as sunny beam from a glittering wave on an April day.

No one among us appreciated the beauty of the scenery as much as Clara. Before we left Milan, her habits and demeanor changed. She lost her cheerfulness, set aside her playful ways, and adopted an almost austere simplicity in her clothing. She kept her distance from us, retreating with Evelyn to some far-off room or quiet corner; she no longer joined in his games with the same enthusiasm as before, choosing instead to sit and watch him with a sad, tender smile and eyes shimmering with tears, yet without a word of complaint. She approached us shyly, avoided our hugs, and didn’t shake off her awkwardness until a serious conversation or a lofty topic pulled her out of herself for a moment. Her beauty blossomed like a rose, which, opening to the summer breeze, reveals petal after petal until the heart aches from its overwhelming beauty. A faint, shifting color graced her cheeks, and her movements seemed guided by some hidden melody of extraordinary sweetness. We increased our affection and genuine attention towards her. She accepted them with grateful smiles that vanished as quickly as a sunbeam dancing on a sparkling wave on an April day.

Our only acknowledged point of sympathy with her, appeared to be Evelyn. This dear little fellow was a comforter and delight to us beyond all words. His buoyant spirit, and his innocent ignorance of our vast calamity, were balm to us, whose thoughts and feelings were over-wrought and spun out in the immensity of speculative sorrow. To cherish, to caress, to amuse him was the common task of all. Clara, who felt towards him in some degree like a young mother, gratefully acknowledged our kindness towards him. To me, O! to me, who saw the clear brows and soft eyes of the beloved of my heart, my lost and ever dear Idris, re-born in his gentle face, to me he was dear even to pain; if I pressed him to my heart, methought I clasped a real and living part of her, who had lain there through long years of youthful happiness.

Our only point of connection with her seemed to be Evelyn. This sweet little guy brought us comfort and joy beyond words. His cheerful spirit and innocent unawareness of our huge loss were healing for us, whose thoughts and feelings were tangled up in overwhelming sadness. Caring for, nurturing, and entertaining him was everyone's shared responsibility. Clara, who felt a bit like a young mother towards him, appreciated our kindness towards him. For me, oh! for me, who saw the clear brow and soft eyes of my beloved Idris, who I lost and will always cherish, re-emerging in his gentle face, he was precious to me, even to the point of pain; when I held him close to my heart, it felt like I was embracing a real and living piece of her, who had been there through so many years of youthful happiness.

It was the custom of Adrian and myself to go out each day in our skiff to forage in the adjacent country. In these expeditions we were seldom accompanied by Clara or her little charge, but our return was an hour of hilarity. Evelyn ransacked our stores with childish eagerness, and we always brought some new found gift for our fair companion. Then too we made discoveries of lovely scenes or gay palaces, whither in the evening we all proceeded. Our sailing expeditions were most divine, and with a fair wind or transverse course we cut the liquid waves; and, if talk failed under the pressure of thought, I had my clarionet with me, which awoke the echoes, and gave the change to our careful minds. Clara at such times often returned to her former habits of free converse and gay sally; and though our four hearts alone beat in the world, those four hearts were happy.

It was a routine for Adrian and me to head out every day in our small boat to explore the nearby countryside. During these adventures, Clara and her little charge usually didn’t join us, but our return was always full of laughter. Evelyn eagerly rummaged through our finds with a child's excitement, and we always brought back a new gift for our lovely companion. We also discovered beautiful spots or lively palaces, to which we all went in the evening. Our sailing trips were amazing, and with a good wind or a steady course, we glided over the waves; if conversation faltered under the weight of our thoughts, I had my clarinet with me, which filled the air with music and lightened our serious minds. At those times, Clara often returned to her usual playful chatting and lively humor; and even though it was just the four of us in the world, our hearts were all happy.

One day, on our return from the town of Como, with a laden boat, we expected as usual to be met at the port by Clara and Evelyn, and we were somewhat surprised to see the beach vacant. I, as my nature prompted, would not prognosticate evil, but explained it away as a mere casual incident. Not so Adrian. He was seized with sudden trembling and apprehension, and he called to me with vehemence to steer quickly for land, and, when near, leapt from the boat, half falling into the water; and, scrambling up the steep bank, hastened along the narrow strip of garden, the only level space between the lake and the mountain. I followed without delay; the garden and inner court were empty, so was the house, whose every room we visited. Adrian called loudly upon Clara’s name, and was about to rush up the near mountain-path, when the door of a summer-house at the end of the garden slowly opened, and Clara appeared, not advancing towards us, but leaning against a column of the building with blanched cheeks, in a posture of utter despondency. Adrian sprang towards her with a cry of joy, and folded her delightedly in his arms. She withdrew from his embrace, and, without a word, again entered the summer-house. Her quivering lips, her despairing heart refused to afford her voice to express our misfortune. Poor little Evelyn had, while playing with her, been seized with sudden fever, and now lay torpid and speechless on a little couch in the summer-house.

One day, on our way back from Como with a loaded boat, we expected to see Clara and Evelyn at the port as usual, so we were a bit surprised to find the beach empty. I, being my usual optimistic self, didn’t think it was anything serious and brushed it off as just a coincidence. Adrian, however, was immediately filled with dread and panic. He urged me urgently to steer the boat to shore, and as soon as we got close, he jumped out of the boat, nearly falling into the water. He scrambled up the steep bank and hurried down the narrow garden path, which was the only flat area between the lake and the mountain. I quickly followed him; the garden and courtyard were empty, and so was the house, which we searched room by room. Adrian shouted Clara’s name and was about to dash up the nearby mountain path when the door to a summer house at the end of the garden creaked open, and Clara stepped out. She didn’t come toward us but leaned against a column of the building, her face pale and her body slumped in total despair. Adrian rushed over with a shout of joy and wrapped her in his arms. She pulled away from him without saying a word and went back inside the summer house. Her trembling lips and shattered heart wouldn’t let her voice express our tragedy. Poor little Evelyn had been playing with her when she suddenly came down with a fever and was now lying weak and silent on a small couch in the summer house.

For a whole fortnight we unceasingly watched beside the poor child, as his life declined under the ravages of a virulent typhus. His little form and tiny lineaments encaged the embryo of the world-spanning mind of man. Man’s nature, brimful of passions and affections, would have had an home in that little heart, whose swift pulsations hurried towards their close. His small hand’s fine mechanism, now flaccid and unbent, would in the growth of sinew and muscle, have achieved works of beauty or of strength. His tender rosy feet would have trod in firm manhood the bowers and glades of earth— these reflections were now of little use: he lay, thought and strength suspended, waiting unresisting the final blow.

For two whole weeks, we stayed by the poor child's side as his life faded away from a severe case of typhus. His small body and delicate features held the potential of a mind that could span the globe. Humanity's nature, full of passions and emotions, could have found a home in that little heart, whose rapid beats were nearing their end. His small hand, once capable of great things, now limp and relaxed, could have grown strong and accomplished beautiful or powerful feats. His soft, pink feet would have walked confidently in adulthood through the beautiful places of the world—these thoughts were of little comfort now: he lay there, his thoughts and strength gone, waiting passively for the final moment.

We watched at his bedside, and when the access of fever was on him, we neither spoke nor looked at each other, marking only his obstructed breath and the mortal glow that tinged his sunken cheek, the heavy death that weighed on his eyelids. It is a trite evasion to say, that words could not express our long drawn agony; yet how can words image sensations, whose tormenting keenness throw us back, as it were, on the deep roots and hidden foundations of our nature, which shake our being with earth-quake-throe, so that we leave to confide in accustomed feelings which like mother-earth support us, and cling to some vain imagination or deceitful hope, which will soon be buried in the ruins occasioned by the final shock. I have called that period a fortnight, which we passed watching the changes of the sweet child’s malady—and such it might have been—at night, we wondered to find another day gone, while each particular hour seemed endless. Day and night were exchanged for one another uncounted; we slept hardly at all, nor did we even quit his room, except when a pang of grief seized us, and we retired from each other for a short period to conceal our sobs and tears. We endeavoured in vain to abstract Clara from this deplorable scene. She sat, hour after hour, looking at him, now softly arranging his pillow, and, while he had power to swallow, administered his drink. At length the moment of his death came: the blood paused in its flow —his eyes opened, and then closed again: without convulsion or sigh, the frail tenement was left vacant of its spiritual inhabitant.

We stayed by his bedside, and during the fever’s worst moments, we didn’t speak or look at each other, only noticing his labored breathing and the sickly glow on his sunken cheek, the heavy weight of death resting on his eyelids. It’s a cliché to say that words couldn’t capture our drawn-out suffering; yet how can words convey feelings so piercing that they shake us to our core, forcing us to rely on familiar emotions that support us like the earth, while we cling to empty fantasies or false hopes that will soon be buried in the aftermath of the final blow. I refer to the two weeks we spent watching the sweet child’s illness—and that’s what it felt like—each night we were surprised to find another day had passed, while each hour seemed never-ending. Day and night blurred into one; we barely slept and didn’t leave his room except when grief overwhelmed us, and we briefly retreated to hide our sobs and tears. We tried in vain to distract Clara from this heartbreaking scene. She sat for hours, watching him, gently adjusting his pillow, and when he could still swallow, she offered him his drink. Ultimately, the moment of his death arrived: his blood stopped flowing—his eyes opened and then closed again: without any convulsions or sighs, the fragile body was left empty of its spirit.

I have heard that the sight of the dead has confirmed materialists in their belief. I ever felt otherwise. Was that my child—that moveless decaying inanimation? My child was enraptured by my caresses; his dear voice cloathed with meaning articulations his thoughts, otherwise inaccessible; his smile was a ray of the soul, and the same soul sat upon its throne in his eyes. I turn from this mockery of what he was. Take, O earth, thy debt! freely and for ever I consign to thee the garb thou didst afford. But thou, sweet child, amiable and beloved boy, either thy spirit has sought a fitter dwelling, or, shrined in my heart, thou livest while it lives.

I’ve heard that seeing a dead body has reinforced materialists in their beliefs. I’ve always felt differently. Was that my child—lying there, lifeless and decaying? My child was filled with joy from my affection; his sweet voice expressed thoughts that would otherwise be unreachable; his smile was a glimpse of his soul, and that same soul shone in his eyes. I turn away from this mockery of who he was. Take, O earth, what you are owed! I willingly and forever give back to you the body you provided. But you, dear child, beloved boy, either your spirit has found a better home, or, hidden in my heart, you live on as long as I do.

We placed his remains under a cypress, the upright mountain being scooped out to receive them. And then Clara said, “If you wish me to live, take me from hence. There is something in this scene of transcendent beauty, in these trees, and hills and waves, that for ever whisper to me, leave thy cumbrous flesh, and make a part of us. I earnestly entreat you to take me away.”

We buried his remains beneath a cypress tree, carved out of the hillside to hold him. Then Clara said, “If you want me to live, get me out of here. There’s something in this incredibly beautiful scene, with these trees, hills, and waves that keeps whispering to me, leave your heavy flesh behind and become one of us. I earnestly urge you to take me away.”

So on the fifteenth of August we bade adieu to our villa, and the embowering shades of this abode of beauty; to calm bay and noisy waterfall; to Evelyn’s little grave we bade farewell! and then, with heavy hearts, we departed on our pilgrimage towards Rome.

So on August 15th, we said goodbye to our villa and the beautiful surroundings of this place; to the calm bay and the noisy waterfall; we also said farewell to Evelyn’s little grave! Then, with heavy hearts, we left on our journey to Rome.

[25] Mary Wollstonecraft’s Letters from Norway.

Mary Wollstonecraft’s Letters from Norway.

[26] Solomon’s Song.

Solomon's Song.

CHAPTER IX.

Now—soft awhile—have I arrived so near the end? Yes! it is all over now—a step or two over those new made graves, and the wearisome way is done. Can I accomplish my task? Can I streak my paper with words capacious of the grand conclusion? Arise, black Melancholy! quit thy Cimmerian solitude! Bring with thee murky fogs from hell, which may drink up the day; bring blight and pestiferous exhalations, which, entering the hollow caverns and breathing places of earth, may fill her stony veins with corruption, so that not only herbage may no longer flourish, the trees may rot, and the rivers run with gall—but the everlasting mountains be decomposed, and the mighty deep putrify, and the genial atmosphere which clips the globe, lose all powers of generation and sustenance. Do this, sad visaged power, while I write, while eyes read these pages.

Now—just a moment—have I really come so close to the end? Yes! It’s all over now—a step or two past those fresh graves, and the tiring journey is complete. Can I finish my task? Can I fill my paper with words capable of capturing the grand conclusion? Rise, dark Melancholy! Leave your shadowy solitude! Bring with you the thick fogs from hell that can swallow up the daylight; bring decay and poisonous mists that, entering the hollow caves and breathing spaces of the earth, can fill her stony veins with rot, so that not only will plants stop growing, the trees will decay, and the rivers run with bitterness—but the everlasting mountains will crumble, and the vast ocean will spoil, and the nurturing atmosphere that envelops the globe will lose all its powers of creation and sustenance. Do this, sorrowful force, while I write, while eyes read these pages.

And who will read them? Beware, tender offspring of the re-born world— beware, fair being, with human heart, yet untamed by care, and human brow, yet unploughed by time—beware, lest the cheerful current of thy blood be checked, thy golden locks turn grey, thy sweet dimpling smiles be changed to fixed, harsh wrinkles! Let not day look on these lines, lest garish day waste, turn pale, and die. Seek a cypress grove, whose moaning boughs will be harmony befitting; seek some cave, deep embowered in earth’s dark entrails, where no light will penetrate, save that which struggles, red and flickering, through a single fissure, staining thy page with grimmest livery of death.

And who will read them? Beware, dear children of the renewed world—beware, beautiful soul, with a human heart yet untested by worry, and a human forehead, yet untouched by time—beware, lest the joyful flow of your blood be stifled, your golden hair turn gray, and your sweet, playful smiles change to deep, harsh wrinkles! Let not daylight gaze upon these words, lest bright day fade, grow pale, and perish. Seek a cypress grove, whose sighing branches will provide a fitting lullaby; look for a cave, deeply hidden in the earth’s dark depths, where no light will enter, except for the flickering, red glow that struggles through a single crack, staining your pages with the darkest colors of death.

There is a painful confusion in my brain, which refuses to delineate distinctly succeeding events. Sometimes the irradiation of my friend’s gentle smile comes before me; and methinks its light spans and fills eternity—then, again, I feel the gasping throes—

There’s a painful confusion in my mind that can’t clearly separate the events happening one after another. Sometimes I see the warm glow of my friend’s kind smile, and it feels like its light stretches across all of time—then, again, I feel the desperate struggles—

We quitted Como, and in compliance with Adrian’s earnest desire, we took Venice in our way to Rome. There was something to the English peculiarly attractive in the idea of this wave-encircled, island-enthroned city. Adrian had never seen it. We went down the Po and the Brenta in a boat; and, the days proving intolerably hot, we rested in the bordering palaces during the day, travelling through the night, when darkness made the bordering banks indistinct, and our solitude less remarkable; when the wandering moon lit the waves that divided before our prow, and the night-wind filled our sails, and the murmuring stream, waving trees, and swelling canvass, accorded in harmonious strain. Clara, long overcome by excessive grief, had to a great degree cast aside her timid, cold reserve, and received our attentions with grateful tenderness. While Adrian with poetic fervour discoursed of the glorious nations of the dead, of the beauteous earth and the fate of man, she crept near him, drinking in his speech with silent pleasure. We banished from our talk, and as much as possible from our thoughts, the knowledge of our desolation. And it would be incredible to an inhabitant of cities, to one among a busy throng, to what extent we succeeded. It was as a man confined in a dungeon, whose small and grated rift at first renders the doubtful light more sensibly obscure, till, the visual orb having drunk in the beam, and adapted itself to its scantiness, he finds that clear noon inhabits his cell. So we, a simple triad on empty earth, were multiplied to each other, till we became all in all. We stood like trees, whose roots are loosened by the wind, which support one another, leaning and clinging with encreased fervour while the wintry storms howl. Thus we floated down the widening stream of the Po, sleeping when the cicale sang, awake with the stars. We entered the narrower banks of the Brenta, and arrived at the shore of the Laguna at sunrise on the sixth of September. The bright orb slowly rose from behind its cupolas and towers, and shed its penetrating light upon the glassy waters. Wrecks of gondolas, and some few uninjured ones, were strewed on the beach at Fusina. We embarked in one of these for the widowed daughter of ocean, who, abandoned and fallen, sat forlorn on her propping isles, looking towards the far mountains of Greece. We rowed lightly over the Laguna, and entered Canale Grande. The tide ebbed sullenly from out the broken portals and violated halls of Venice: sea weed and sea monsters were left on the blackened marble, while the salt ooze defaced the matchless works of art that adorned their walls, and the sea gull flew out from the shattered window. In the midst of this appalling ruin of the monuments of man’s power, nature asserted her ascendancy, and shone more beauteous from the contrast. The radiant waters hardly trembled, while the rippling waves made many sided mirrors to the sun; the blue immensity, seen beyond Lido, stretched far, unspecked by boat, so tranquil, so lovely, that it seemed to invite us to quit the land strewn with ruins, and to seek refuge from sorrow and fear on its placid extent.

We left Como, and to honor Adrian’s strong wish, we stopped in Venice on our way to Rome. There was something about this city, surrounded by water and perched on its islands, that felt particularly appealing to the English. Adrian had never been there before. We traveled down the Po and the Brenta in a boat; the days were oppressively hot, so we rested in the nearby palaces during the day, journeying through the night when the darkness blurred the banks and made our solitude feel less obvious; when the wandering moon lit the waves splitting before our bow, and the night wind filled our sails. The murmurs of the stream, swaying trees, and billowing canvas blended in a harmonious melody. Clara, who had long been weighed down by grief, had largely shed her shy, reserved nature and accepted our kindness with genuine warmth. While Adrian passionately spoke about the glorious nations of the past, the beauty of the earth, and the fate of humanity, she moved closer to him, absorbing his words with quiet delight. We pushed aside any mentions of our bleak circumstances, trying to avoid it in our conversations and thoughts as much as we could. It would be hard for anyone living in a bustling city to grasp just how well we achieved this. It was like a man trapped in a dungeon, who at first finds the faint light from a small barred window makes everything feel doubly dim, until his eyes adjust and he realizes that bright noon has filled his cell. Similarly, we three, alone on this empty earth, became everything to each other, until we were all in all. We stood like trees whose roots have been loosened by the wind, supporting each other, leaning in closer, holding on with greater intensity as the winter storms howled around us. So we drifted down the widening stream of the Po, sleeping when the cicadas sang and waking under the stars. We entered the narrower banks of the Brenta and reached the shores of the Laguna at sunrise on September 6th. The sun rose slowly from behind the domes and towers, casting its penetrating light onto the glassy waters. Wrecks of gondolas, along with a few intact ones, lay scattered on the beach at Fusina. We boarded one of these to head toward the desolate daughter of the sea, who sat abandoned on her supportive islands, gazing towards the distant mountains of Greece. We glided lightly over the Laguna and entered the Canale Grande. The tide pulled sullenly away from the broken doorways and ravaged halls of Venice: seaweed and sea creatures remained on the blackened marble, while the salty ooze tarnished the unmatched art that adorned the walls, and a seagull flew out from a shattered window. Amidst this devastating collapse of human achievement, nature claimed her power and appeared even more beautiful by the contrast. The radiant waters barely quivered, while the rippling waves created multi-faceted mirrors for the sun; the vast blue beyond Lido stretched out unblemished by boats, so peaceful and lovely that it seemed to beckon us to leave the land littered with ruins and find refuge in its tranquil expanse from our sorrow and fears.

We saw the ruins of this hapless city from the height of the tower of San Marco, immediately under us, and turned with sickening hearts to the sea, which, though it be a grave, rears no monument, discloses no ruin. Evening had come apace. The sun set in calm majesty behind the misty summits of the Apennines, and its golden and roseate hues painted the mountains of the opposite shore. “That land,” said Adrian, “tinged with the last glories of the day, is Greece.” Greece! The sound had a responsive chord in the bosom of Clara. She vehemently reminded us that we had promised to take her once again to Greece, to the tomb of her parents. Why go to Rome? what should we do at Rome? We might take one of the many vessels to be found here, embark in it, and steer right for Albania.

We looked down at the ruins of this unfortunate city from the top of the San Marco tower, and with heavy hearts, we turned our gaze to the sea, which, though it serves as a tomb, offers no memorial and reveals no ruins. Evening was approaching quickly. The sun set in serene beauty behind the misty peaks of the Apennines, casting golden and pink hues on the mountains across the water. “That land,” Adrian said, “tinged with the last light of day, is Greece.” Greece! The name struck a chord with Clara. She passionately reminded us that we had promised to take her back to Greece, to her parents' grave. Why go to Rome? What would we do in Rome? We could easily find one of the many boats here, board it, and head straight for Albania.

I objected the dangers of ocean, and the distance of the mountains we saw, from Athens; a distance which, from the savage uncultivation of the country, was almost impassable. Adrian, who was delighted with Clara’s proposal, obviated these objections. The season was favourable; the north-west that blew would take us transversely across the gulph; and then we might find, in some abandoned port, a light Greek caique, adapted for such navigation, and run down the coast of the Morea, and, passing over the Isthmus of Corinth, without much land-travelling or fatigue, find ourselves at Athens. This appeared to me wild talk; but the sea, glowing with a thousand purple hues, looked so brilliant and safe; my beloved companions were so earnest, so determined, that, when Adrian said, “Well, though it is not exactly what you wish, yet consent, to please me”—I could no longer refuse. That evening we selected a vessel, whose size just seemed fitted for our enterprize; we bent the sails and put the rigging in order, and reposing that night in one of the city’s thousand palaces, agreed to embark at sunrise the following morning.

I raised concerns about the dangers of the ocean and the distance of the mountains we could see from Athens; a distance that seemed nearly impossible to cross due to the wild, uncultivated land. Adrian, who was excited about Clara’s suggestion, dismissed my worries. The weather was perfect; the north-west wind would push us across the gulf, and we could find a small, abandoned Greek boat suitable for this voyage to sail down the coast of the Morea. Then, without too much overland travel or exhaustion, we would reach Athens after crossing the Isthmus of Corinth. This all sounded a bit crazy to me, but the sea, shimmering with countless shades of purple, looked so inviting and safe; my beloved friends were so passionate and resolute that when Adrian said, “Well, it’s not exactly what you want, but please agree to it for my sake”—I couldn’t say no anymore. That evening, we chose a vessel that seemed just right for our adventure; we adjusted the sails and prepared the rigging, and after resting that night in one of the city's many palaces, we decided to set sail at sunrise the next morning.

When winds that move not its calm surface, sweep
The azure sea, I love the land no more;
The smiles of the serene and tranquil deep
Tempt my unquiet mind—

When winds that don't disturb its calm surface sweep
The blue sea, I love the land no more;
The smiles of the peaceful and tranquil deep
Tempt my restless mind—

Thus said Adrian, quoting a translation of Moschus’s poem, as in the clear morning light, we rowed over the Laguna, past Lido, into the open sea—I would have added in continuation,

Thus said Adrian, quoting a translation of Moschus’s poem, as in the clear morning light, we rowed over the Laguna, past Lido, into the open sea—I would have added in continuation,

        But when the roar
Of ocean’s gray abyss resounds, and foam
Gathers upon the sea, and vast waves burst—

But when the roar
of the ocean's gray depths echoes, and foam
collects on the sea, and huge waves crash—

But my friends declared that such verses were evil augury; so in cheerful mood we left the shallow waters, and, when out at sea, unfurled our sails to catch the favourable breeze. The laughing morning air filled them, while sun-light bathed earth, sky and ocean—the placid waves divided to receive our keel, and playfully kissed the dark sides of our little skiff, murmuring a welcome; as land receded, still the blue expanse, most waveless, twin sister to the azure empyrean, afforded smooth conduct to our bark. As the air and waters were tranquil and balmy, so were our minds steeped in quiet. In comparison with the unstained deep, funereal earth appeared a grave, its high rocks and stately mountains were but monuments, its trees the plumes of a herse, the brooks and rivers brackish with tears for departed man. Farewell to desolate towns —to fields with their savage intermixture of corn and weeds—to ever multiplying relics of our lost species. Ocean, we commit ourselves to thee —even as the patriarch of old floated above the drowned world, let us be saved, as thus we betake ourselves to thy perennial flood.

But my friends said that such verses were a bad omen; so in a cheerful mood, we left the shallow waters and, once we were out at sea, unfurled our sails to catch the favorable breeze. The warm morning air filled them, while sunlight bathed the earth, sky, and ocean—the calm waves parted to let our keel pass and playfully kissed the dark sides of our little boat, murmuring a welcome; as land faded away, the smooth, blue expanse, a placid twin to the azure sky, provided an easy journey for our vessel. With the air and waters relaxed and warm, our minds were at peace. Compared to the pure deep, the grim earth seemed like a grave, its towering rocks and majestic mountains were just monuments, its trees the plumes of a funeral, and the streams and rivers salty with tears for those who had passed. Farewell to desolate towns—to fields with their wild mix of crops and weeds—to the ever-growing remnants of our lost kind. Ocean, we give ourselves to you—even as the patriarch of old floated above the drowned world, let us be saved as we surrender ourselves to your eternal tide.

Adrian sat at the helm; I attended to the rigging, the breeze right aft filled our swelling canvas, and we ran before it over the untroubled deep. The wind died away at noon; its idle breath just permitted us to hold our course. As lazy, fair-weather sailors, careless of the coming hour, we talked gaily of our coasting voyage, of our arrival at Athens. We would make our home of one of the Cyclades, and there in myrtle-groves, amidst perpetual spring, fanned by the wholesome sea-breezes—we would live long years in beatific union—Was there such a thing as death in the world?—

Adrian sat at the wheel while I worked on the rigging. The breeze from behind filled our sails, and we glided smoothly over the calm sea. The wind died down at noon, barely enough for us to keep our course. As relaxed, easygoing sailors, unconcerned about what was coming, we chatted happily about our coastal trip and our arrival in Athens. We planned to settle on one of the Cyclades islands, where we would enjoy the myrtle groves, surrounded by eternal spring and refreshed by the pleasant sea breezes—we would spend many happy years together—Was there even such a thing as death in the world?—

The sun passed its zenith, and lingered down the stainless floor of heaven. Lying in the boat, my face turned up to the sky, I thought I saw on its blue white, marbled streaks, so slight, so immaterial, that now I said— They are there—and now, It is a mere imagination. A sudden fear stung me while I gazed; and, starting up, and running to the prow,—as I stood, my hair was gently lifted on my brow—a dark line of ripples appeared to the east, gaining rapidly on us—my breathless remark to Adrian, was followed by the flapping of the canvas, as the adverse wind struck it, and our boat lurched—swift as speech, the web of the storm thickened over head, the sun went down red, the dark sea was strewed with foam, and our skiff rose and fell in its encreasing furrows.

The sun had passed its peak and was slowly moving across the clear sky. Lying in the boat with my face turned toward the heavens, I thought I saw faint, wispy white streaks against the blue, so delicate and insubstantial that I couldn’t decide—They are real—and then again, It’s just my imagination. A sudden fear gripped me as I stared; jumping up and running to the front of the boat—standing there, I felt a cool breeze lift my hair—a dark line of ripples appeared in the east, rapidly approaching us—my breathless comment to Adrian was drowned out by the sound of the canvas flapping as the opposing wind hit it, causing our boat to lurch—quick as a flash, the storm clouds gathered overhead, the sun set in a fiery red, the dark sea was covered in foam, and our little boat rose and fell in the growing waves.

Behold us now in our frail tenement, hemmed in by hungry, roaring waves, buffeted by winds. In the inky east two vast clouds, sailing contrary ways, met; the lightning leapt forth, and the hoarse thunder muttered. Again in the south, the clouds replied, and the forked stream of fire running along the black sky, shewed us the appalling piles of clouds, now met and obliterated by the heaving waves. Great God! And we alone—we three— alone—alone—sole dwellers on the sea and on the earth, we three must perish! The vast universe, its myriad worlds, and the plains of boundless earth which we had left—the extent of shoreless sea around—contracted to my view—they and all that they contained, shrunk up to one point, even to our tossing bark, freighted with glorious humanity.

Look at us now in our fragile shelter, surrounded by hungry, roaring waves, getting tossed around by the wind. In the dark eastern sky, two massive clouds, moving in opposite directions, collided; lightning struck, and loud thunder rumbled. Again in the south, the clouds responded, and the jagged streaks of fire across the black sky revealed the terrifying mountains of clouds, now swallowed by the rising waves. Great God! And we alone—we three—alone—alone—sole survivors on the sea and on the earth, we three must perish! The immense universe, its countless worlds, and the endless plains of earth that we had left—the limitless sea around us—contracted into my view—they and everything they held shrunk down to one point, our struggling boat, carrying the weight of glorious humanity.

A convulsion of despair crossed the love-beaming face of Adrian, while with set teeth he murmured, “Yet they shall be saved!” Clara, visited by an human pang, pale and trembling, crept near him—he looked on her with an encouraging smile—“Do you fear, sweet girl? O, do not fear, we shall soon be on shore!”

A wave of despair swept over Adrian's face, which usually radiated love, as he gritted his teeth and murmured, “But they will be saved!” Clara, feeling a deep ache, pale and trembling, moved closer to him—he looked at her with a reassuring smile—“Are you scared, sweet girl? Oh, don’t worry, we’ll be on land soon!”

The darkness prevented me from seeing the changes of her countenance; but her voice was clear and sweet, as she replied, “Why should I fear? neither sea nor storm can harm us, if mighty destiny or the ruler of destiny does not permit. And then the stinging fear of surviving either of you, is not here—one death will clasp us undivided.”

The darkness kept me from noticing the changes in her face, but her voice was clear and sweet as she replied, “Why should I be afraid? Neither the sea nor the storm can hurt us if fate or the master of fate doesn’t allow it. And the piercing fear of outliving either of you isn’t here—one death will bring us together.”

Meanwhile we took in all our sails, save a gib; and, as soon as we might without danger, changed our course, running with the wind for the Italian shore. Dark night mixed everything; we hardly discerned the white crests of the murderous surges, except when lightning made brief noon, and drank the darkness, shewing us our danger, and restoring us to double night. We were all silent, except when Adrian, as steersman, made an encouraging observation. Our little shell obeyed the rudder miraculously well, and ran along on the top of the waves, as if she had been an offspring of the sea, and the angry mother sheltered her endangered child.

Meanwhile, we took down all our sails except for a jib, and as soon as it was safe to do so, we changed our course, sailing with the wind towards the Italian shore. The dark night obscured everything; we could barely see the white caps of the treacherous waves, only catching glimpses when lightning lit up the sky, offering a brief glimpse of our danger before plunging us back into darkness. We were all silent, except when Adrian, our steersman, offered some encouraging words. Our little boat responded to the rudder astonishingly well, gliding along the surface of the waves as if she were a child of the sea, with the furious ocean protecting her vulnerable offspring.

I sat at the prow, watching our course; when suddenly I heard the waters break with redoubled fury. We were certainly near the shore—at the same time I cried, “About there!” and a broad lightning filling the concave, shewed us for one moment the level beach a-head, disclosing even the sands, and stunted, ooze-sprinkled beds of reeds, that grew at high water mark. Again it was dark, and we drew in our breath with such content as one may, who, while fragments of volcano-hurled rock darken the air, sees a vast mass ploughing the ground immediately at his feet. What to do we knew not —the breakers here, there, everywhere, encompassed us—they roared, and dashed, and flung their hated spray in our faces. With considerable difficulty and danger we succeeded at length in altering our course, and stretched out from shore. I urged my companions to prepare for the wreck of our little skiff, and to bind themselves to some oar or spar which might suffice to float them. I was myself an excellent swimmer—the very sight of the sea was wont to raise in me such sensations, as a huntsman experiences, when he hears a pack of hounds in full cry; I loved to feel the waves wrap me and strive to overpower me; while I, lord of myself, moved this way or that, in spite of their angry buffetings. Adrian also could swim—but the weakness of his frame prevented him from feeling pleasure in the exercise, or acquiring any great expertness. But what power could the strongest swimmer oppose to the overpowering violence of ocean in its fury? My efforts to prepare my companions were rendered nearly futile —for the roaring breakers prevented our hearing one another speak, and the waves, that broke continually over our boat, obliged me to exert all my strength in lading the water out, as fast as it came in. The while darkness, palpable and rayless, hemmed us round, dissipated only by the lightning; sometimes we beheld thunderbolts, fiery red, fall into the sea, and at intervals vast spouts stooped from the clouds, churning the wild ocean, which rose to meet them; while the fierce gale bore the rack onwards, and they were lost in the chaotic mingling of sky and sea. Our gunwales had been torn away, our single sail had been rent to ribbands, and borne down the stream of the wind. We had cut away our mast, and lightened the boat of all she contained—Clara attempted to assist me in heaving the water from the hold, and, as she turned her eyes to look on the lightning, I could discern by that momentary gleam, that resignation had conquered every fear. We have a power given us in any worst extremity, which props the else feeble mind of man, and enables us to endure the most savage tortures with a stillness of soul which in hours of happiness we could not have imagined. A calm, more dreadful in truth than the tempest, allayed the wild beatings of my heart—a calm like that of the gamester, the suicide, and the murderer, when the last die is on the point of being cast—while the poisoned cup is at the lips,—as the death-blow is about to be given.

I sat at the front of the boat, keeping an eye on our path; when suddenly, I heard the waves crashing with renewed intensity. We were definitely close to the shore—at the same time, I shouted, “Over there!” and a flash of lightning illuminated the concave area, briefly revealing the flat beach ahead, showing even the sands and stunted, mud-sprinkled patches of reeds growing at high tide. Once again, it was dark, and we breathed a sigh of relief, similar to what someone might feel when they see large chunks of volcanic rock falling nearby. We didn’t know what to do—the waves were crashing in from all sides, roaring and splashing their salty spray in our faces. After a lot of struggle and danger, we finally managed to change our direction and pulled away from the shore. I urged my companions to get ready for the likely sinking of our small boat and to tie themselves to anything that might help keep them afloat. I was a strong swimmer—the sight of the sea typically gave me a thrill similar to what a hunter feels when hearing a pack of hounds in chase; I loved feeling the waves wrap around me and try to pull me under, while I, in control of myself, moved effortlessly against their fierce pushes. Adrian could swim too, but his frail build didn’t allow him to enjoy it or become very skilled. But what could even the best swimmer do against the overwhelming force of a raging ocean? My attempts to prepare my companions were almost useless—because the roaring waves made it impossible for us to hear each other, and the constant crashing of water over our boat forced me to use all my strength to bail out the water as quickly as it came in. The darkness was thick and unyielding, pierced only by flashes of lightning; sometimes, we saw bolts, fiery red, strike the ocean, and occasionally massive spouts descended from the clouds, stirring the wild sea into a frenzy, as the fierce wind carried the chaos onward, blending the sky and ocean into one. Our gunwales had been ripped away, our single sail was torn to shreds and pulled away by the wind. We had cut our mast down and emptied the boat of everything we had—Clara tried to help me bail out the water, and as she turned her eyes to watch the lightning, I could see, in that momentary flash, that acceptance had overridden her fear. We possess a strength in the worst situations that supports the otherwise weak human spirit, allowing us to endure even the harshest torments with a calmness we couldn’t have imagined during happier times. A stillness, more terrifying than the storm itself, quieted the frantic pounding of my heart—a calm similar to that of a gambler, a suicide, or a murderer, just before the final wager is placed—when the poisoned cup is at their lips—right before the final strike is delivered.

Hours passed thus—hours which might write old age on the face of beardless youth, and grizzle the silky hair of infancy—-hours, while the chaotic uproar continued, while each dread gust transcended in fury the one before, and our skiff hung on the breaking wave, and then rushed into the valley below, and trembled and spun between the watery precipices that seemed most to meet above her. For a moment the gale paused, and ocean sank to comparative silence—it was a breathless interval; the wind which, as a practised leaper, had gathered itself up before it sprung, now with terrific roar rushed over the sea, and the waves struck our stern. Adrian exclaimed that the rudder was gone;—“We are lost,” cried Clara, “Save yourselves—O save yourselves!” The lightning shewed me the poor girl half buried in the water at the bottom of the boat; as she was sinking in it Adrian caught her up, and sustained her in his arms. We were without a rudder—we rushed prow foremost into the vast billows piled up a-head— they broke over and filled the tiny skiff; one scream I heard—one cry that we were gone, I uttered; I found myself in the waters; darkness was around. When the light of the tempest flashed, I saw the keel of our upset boat close to me—I clung to this, grasping it with clenched hand and nails, while I endeavoured during each flash to discover any appearance of my companions. I thought I saw Adrian at no great distance from me, clinging to an oar; I sprung from my hold, and with energy beyond my human strength, I dashed aside the waters as I strove to lay hold of him. As that hope failed, instinctive love of life animated me, and feelings of contention, as if a hostile will combated with mine. I breasted the surges, and flung them from me, as I would the opposing front and sharpened claws of a lion about to enfang my bosom. When I had been beaten down by one wave, I rose on another, while I felt bitter pride curl my lip.

Hours went by—hours that could age a young face and turn soft childhood hair gray—hours filled with chaos, as each fierce gust of wind surpassed the one before it. Our small boat was tossed on breaking waves, rushing into the valley below, trembling and spinning between the watery cliffs that seemed to close in above us. For a moment, the storm paused, and the ocean fell into relative silence—it was a breathless moment; the wind, like an athlete preparing to leap, now rushed over the sea with a terrifying roar, and the waves crashed against our stern. Adrian shouted that the rudder was gone; “We are lost,” Clara cried, “Save yourselves—oh, save yourselves!” The lightning revealed the poor girl, half submerged in the water at the bottom of the boat; as she began to sink, Adrian pulled her up and held her in his arms. We were without a rudder, plunging prow-first into the towering waves ahead—they crashed over us, filling the tiny boat. I heard one scream—one cry that we were doomed; I shouted it; suddenly, I found myself in the water, surrounded by darkness. When the tempest flashed with light, I saw the keel of our capsized boat close by—I grabbed it, holding on with all my might, trying during each flash to spot my companions. I thought I saw Adrian not far away, grasping an oar; I let go of my hold and, fueled by a strength beyond my own, I pushed through the water as I tried to reach him. As that hope faded, a primal instinct for survival surged within me, battling against a force that felt almost hostile. I fought against the waves, pushing them away as if they were a lion preparing to strike at my chest. After being knocked down by one wave, I rose with another, feeling pride twist my lip.

Ever since the storm had carried us near the shore, we had never attained any great distance from it. With every flash I saw the bordering coast; yet the progress I made was small, while each wave, as it receded, carried me back into ocean’s far abysses. At one moment I felt my foot touch the sand, and then again I was in deep water; my arms began to lose their power of motion; my breath failed me under the influence of the strangling waters— a thousand wild and delirious thoughts crossed me: as well as I can now recall them, my chief feeling was, how sweet it would be to lay my head on the quiet earth, where the surges would no longer strike my weakened frame, nor the sound of waters ring in my ears—to attain this repose, not to save my life, I made a last effort—the shelving shore suddenly presented a footing for me. I rose, and was again thrown down by the breakers—a point of rock to which I was enabled to cling, gave me a moment’s respite; and then, taking advantage of the ebbing of the waves, I ran forwards— gained the dry sands, and fell senseless on the oozy reeds that sprinkled them.

Ever since the storm had pushed us close to the shore, we had never gotten far from it. With every flash of lightning, I could see the nearby coast; yet, my progress was minimal, while each wave, as it receded, pulled me back into the depths of the ocean. At one moment, I felt my foot touch the sand, and then I was back in deep water; my arms started to lose strength, and I struggled for breath as the water surged around me— a thousand wild and chaotic thoughts raced through my mind: as best as I remember now, my main feeling was how wonderful it would be to lay my head on the calm earth, where the waves wouldn’t batter my exhausted body, and the sound of the water wouldn’t ring in my ears— to find this peace, not to save my life, I made one last effort— the sloping shore suddenly offered me a foothold. I stood up, only to be knocked down again by the waves— a rock I managed to grab onto gave me a brief moment of relief; then, seizing the opportunity as the waves pulled back, I ran forward— reached the dry sand, and collapsed, unconscious on the damp reeds that dotted the shore.

I must have lain long deprived of life; for when first, with a sickening feeling, I unclosed my eyes, the light of morning met them. Great change had taken place meanwhile: grey dawn dappled the flying clouds, which sped onwards, leaving visible at intervals vast lakes of pure ether. A fountain of light arose in an encreasing stream from the east, behind the waves of the Adriatic, changing the grey to a roseate hue, and then flooding sky and sea with aerial gold.

I must have been lying there for a long time, out of it; because when I finally opened my eyes with a sickening feeling, the morning light hit me. A lot had changed in the meantime: the gray dawn scattered across the moving clouds, which rushed by, revealing vast lakes of clear sky every now and then. A stream of light surged up from the east, behind the waves of the Adriatic, turning the gray into a pinkish hue, and then flooding the sky and sea with golden light.

A kind of stupor followed my fainting; my senses were alive, but memory was extinct. The blessed respite was short—a snake lurked near me to sting me into life—on the first retrospective emotion I would have started up, but my limbs refused to obey me; my knees trembled, the muscles had lost all power. I still believed that I might find one of my beloved companions cast like me, half alive, on the beach; and I strove in every way to restore my frame to the use of its animal functions. I wrung the brine from my hair; and the rays of the risen sun soon visited me with genial warmth. With the restoration of my bodily powers, my mind became in some degree aware of the universe of misery, henceforth to be its dwelling. I ran to the water’s edge, calling on the beloved names. Ocean drank in, and absorbed my feeble voice, replying with pitiless roar. I climbed a near tree: the level sands bounded by a pine forest, and the sea clipped round by the horizon, was all that I could discern. In vain I extended my researches along the beach; the mast we had thrown overboard, with tangled cordage, and remnants of a sail, was the sole relic land received of our wreck. Sometimes I stood still, and wrung my hands. I accused earth and sky —the universal machine and the Almighty power that misdirected it. Again I threw myself on the sands, and then the sighing wind, mimicking a human cry, roused me to bitter, fallacious hope. Assuredly if any little bark or smallest canoe had been near, I should have sought the savage plains of ocean, found the dear remains of my lost ones, and clinging round them, have shared their grave.

I felt a kind of daze after I fainted; my senses were sharp, but my memory was gone. This brief relief didn’t last long—a snake was close by, ready to bite and bring me back to consciousness. When I had a moment of reflection, I tried to get up, but my body wouldn’t cooperate; my knees shook, and my muscles were completely weak. I still hoped to find one of my beloved friends just like me, barely alive, on the beach, and I did everything I could to get my body functioning again. I squeezed the saltwater from my hair, and soon the warm rays of the rising sun warmed me. As my body regained strength, my mind started to recognize the vast misery that would be my new reality. I raced to the water’s edge, calling out the names I cherished. The ocean swallowed my weak voice, responding with its relentless roar. I climbed a nearby tree: the flat sands bordered by a pine forest, and the sea stretching out to the horizon was all I could see. I searched along the beach in vain; the mast we had thrown overboard, tangled ropes, and pieces of a sail were the only remnants of our wreck that washed ashore. Sometimes I stood still, wringing my hands. I blamed the earth and sky—the entire universe and the powerful force that seemed to have misled it. Again, I collapsed on the sand, and the sighing wind, echoing a human cry, filled me with a painful false hope. If any small boat or canoe had been nearby, I would have braved the wild ocean, found the beloved remains of my lost friends, and held onto them, sharing their grave.

The day passed thus; each moment contained eternity; although when hour after hour had gone by, I wondered at the quick flight of time. Yet even now I had not drunk the bitter potion to the dregs; I was not yet persuaded of my loss; I did not yet feel in every pulsation, in every nerve, in every thought, that I remained alone of my race,—that I was the LAST MAN.

The day went on like this; every moment felt endless; even though as the hours passed, I was amazed at how fast time flew. Still, I hadn't completely absorbed the full impact of my grief; I wasn't entirely convinced of my loss; I didn't yet feel in every heartbeat, in every nerve, in every thought, that I was the only one left of my kind—that I was the LAST MAN.

The day had clouded over, and a drizzling rain set in at sunset. Even the eternal skies weep, I thought; is there any shame then, that mortal man should spend himself in tears? I remembered the ancient fables, in which human beings are described as dissolving away through weeping into ever-gushing fountains. Ah! that so it were; and then my destiny would be in some sort akin to the watery death of Adrian and Clara. Oh! grief is fantastic; it weaves a web on which to trace the history of its woe from every form and change around; it incorporates itself with all living nature; it finds sustenance in every object; as light, it fills all things, and, like light, it gives its own colours to all.

The day had turned gray, and a light rain started to fall at sunset. Even the endless skies are crying, I thought; is there any shame in a mortal man shedding tears? I recalled the old stories where humans are shown melting away into ever-flowing fountains through their tears. Ah! if only that were true; then my fate would be somewhat similar to the watery deaths of Adrian and Clara. Oh! sorrow is incredible; it spins a web that maps the story of its pain from every shape and change around it; it mixes with all living things; it draws nourishment from everything; like light, it fills everything and, like light, it gives its own colors to all.

I had wandered in my search to some distance from the spot on which I had been cast, and came to one of those watch-towers, which at stated distances line the Italian shore. I was glad of shelter, glad to find a work of human hands, after I had gazed so long on nature’s drear barrenness; so I entered, and ascended the rough winding staircase into the guard-room. So far was fate kind, that no harrowing vestige remained of its former inhabitants; a few planks laid across two iron tressels, and strewed with the dried leaves of Indian corn, was the bed presented to me; and an open chest, containing some half mouldered biscuit, awakened an appetite, which perhaps existed before, but of which, until now, I was not aware. Thirst also, violent and parching, the result of the sea-water I had drank, and of the exhaustion of my frame, tormented me. Kind nature had gifted the supply of these wants with pleasurable sensations, so that I—even I!—was refreshed and calmed, as I ate of this sorry fare, and drank a little of the sour wine which half filled a flask left in this abandoned dwelling. Then I stretched myself on the bed, not to be disdained by the victim of shipwreck. The earthy smell of the dried leaves was balm to my sense after the hateful odour of sea-weed. I forgot my state of loneliness. I neither looked backward nor forward; my senses were hushed to repose; I fell asleep and dreamed of all dear inland scenes, of hay-makers, of the shepherd’s whistle to his dog, when he demanded his help to drive the flock to fold; of sights and sounds peculiar to my boyhood’s mountain life, which I had long forgotten.

I had wandered quite far from where I had ended up and came across one of those watchtowers that line the Italian coastline at regular intervals. I was grateful for the shelter, happy to find something built by human hands after staring at nature's bleak emptiness for so long. So, I went inside and climbed the rough, winding staircase to the guardroom. Fate was kind to me, as there were no troubling remnants of its former occupants; a few planks laid across two iron trestles, covered with dried corn leaves, served as my bed. An open chest with some half-rotten biscuits sparked an appetite I might have had before but hadn't noticed until now. Thirst, too—intense and parching from the sea water I'd drunk and my fatigue—tormented me. Thankfully, nature provided these needs with some comforting sensations, so that I—even I!—felt refreshed and calm as I ate this meager meal and sipped some sour wine left in the half-empty flask in this abandoned place. Then I laid down on the bed, which, despite its state, was a welcome refuge for a shipwreck victim. The earthy smell of the dried leaves was soothing to my senses after the disgusting odor of seaweed. I forgot about my loneliness. I didn’t look back or forward; my senses quieted into relaxation. I fell asleep and dreamed of all the beloved scenes from the countryside—of hay-makers, of the shepherd whistling for his dog to help drive the flock home, of sights and sounds unique to the mountain life of my childhood that I had long forgotten.

I awoke in a painful agony—for I fancied that ocean, breaking its bounds, carried away the fixed continent and deep rooted mountains, together with the streams I loved, the woods, and the flocks—it raged around, with that continued and dreadful roar which had accompanied the last wreck of surviving humanity. As my waking sense returned, the bare walls of the guard room closed round me, and the rain pattered against the single window. How dreadful it is, to emerge from the oblivion of slumber, and to receive as a good morrow the mute wailing of one’s own hapless heart —to return from the land of deceptive dreams, to the heavy knowledge of unchanged disaster!—Thus was it with me, now, and for ever! The sting of other griefs might be blunted by time; and even mine yielded sometimes during the day, to the pleasure inspired by the imagination or the senses; but I never look first upon the morning-light but with my fingers pressed tight on my bursting heart, and my soul deluged with the interminable flood of hopeless misery. Now I awoke for the first time in the dead world—I awoke alone—and the dull dirge of the sea, heard even amidst the rain, recalled me to the reflection of the wretch I had become. The sound came like a reproach, a scoff—like the sting of remorse in the soul—I gasped—the veins and muscles of my throat swelled, suffocating me. I put my fingers to my ears, I buried my head in the leaves of my couch, I would have dived to the centre to lose hearing of that hideous moan.

I woke up in painful agony—because I imagined that the ocean, breaking its boundaries, swept away the solid land and deep-rooted mountains, along with the streams I loved, the forests, and the flocks—it raged all around me, with that continuous and dreadful roar that had accompanied the last wreck of the remaining humanity. As my senses returned, the bare walls of the guard room surrounded me, and the rain tapped against the single window. How terrible it is to come out of the oblivion of sleep and to be greeted by the silent wailing of one’s own unfortunate heart—to return from the land of deceptive dreams to the heavy reality of unchanged disaster!—That’s how it was for me, now and forever! The pain of other griefs might be softened by time; even mine sometimes eased during the day by the pleasures inspired by imagination or the senses; but I never look at the morning light without pressing my fingers tightly on my bursting heart and my soul drowning in the endless flood of hopeless despair. Now I woke for the first time in the dead world—I woke alone—and the dull lament of the sea, heard even through the rain, reminded me of the wretch I had become. The sound came like a reproach, a sneer—like the sting of remorse in my soul—I gasped—the veins and muscles in my throat swelled, suffocating me. I pressed my fingers to my ears, buried my head in the leaves of my couch, and wished I could dive deep enough to lose hearing of that horrible moan.

But another task must be mine—again I visited the detested beach— again I vainly looked far and wide—again I raised my unanswered cry, lifting up the only voice that could ever again force the mute air to syllable the human thought.

But I had another task—once more I went to the hated beach—again I searched high and low—once again I called out, raising the only voice that could ever make the silent air express human thought.

What a pitiable, forlorn, disconsolate being I was! My very aspect and garb told the tale of my despair. My hair was matted and wild—my limbs soiled with salt ooze; while at sea, I had thrown off those of my garments that encumbered me, and the rain drenched the thin summer-clothing I had retained—my feet were bare, and the stunted reeds and broken shells made them bleed—the while, I hurried to and fro, now looking earnestly on some distant rock which, islanded in the sands, bore for a moment a deceptive appearance—now with flashing eyes reproaching the murderous ocean for its unutterable cruelty.

What a pitiful, lost, heartbroken person I was! My appearance and clothes told the story of my despair. My hair was tangled and wild—my limbs dirty with salt water; while at sea, I had taken off the clothes that weighed me down, and the rain soaked through the thin summer outfit I had left on—my feet were bare, and the sharp reeds and broken shells cut them as I rushed around, sometimes gazing intently at a distant rock that, stranded in the sand, seemed for a moment to promise hope—other times, with angry eyes, I cursed the ruthless ocean for its unimaginable cruelty.

For a moment I compared myself to that monarch of the waste—Robinson Crusoe. We had been both thrown companionless—he on the shore of a desolate island: I on that of a desolate world. I was rich in the so called goods of life. If I turned my steps from the near barren scene, and entered any of the earth’s million cities, I should find their wealth stored up for my accommodation—clothes, food, books, and a choice of dwelling beyond the command of the princes of former times—every climate was subject to my selection, while he was obliged to toil in the acquirement of every necessary, and was the inhabitant of a tropical island, against whose heats and storms he could obtain small shelter.—Viewing the question thus, who would not have preferred the Sybarite enjoyments I could command, the philosophic leisure, and ample intellectual resources, to his life of labour and peril? Yet he was far happier than I: for he could hope, nor hope in vain—the destined vessel at last arrived, to bear him to countrymen and kindred, where the events of his solitude became a fire-side tale. To none could I ever relate the story of my adversity; no hope had I. He knew that, beyond the ocean which begirt his lonely island, thousands lived whom the sun enlightened when it shone also on him: beneath the meridian sun and visiting moon, I alone bore human features; I alone could give articulation to thought; and, when I slept, both day and night were unbeheld of any. He had fled from his fellows, and was transported with terror at the print of a human foot. I would have knelt down and worshipped the same. The wild and cruel Caribbee, the merciless Cannibal—or worse than these, the uncouth, brute, and remorseless veteran in the vices of civilization, would have been to me a beloved companion, a treasure dearly prized—his nature would be kin to mine; his form cast in the same mould; human blood would flow in his veins; a human sympathy must link us for ever. It cannot be that I shall never behold a fellow being more!—never! —never!—not in the course of years!—Shall I wake, and speak to none, pass the interminable hours, my soul, islanded in the world, a solitary point, surrounded by vacuum? Will day follow day endlessly thus? —No! no! a God rules the world—providence has not exchanged its golden sceptre for an aspic’s sting. Away! let me fly from the ocean-grave, let me depart from this barren nook, paled in, as it is, from access by its own desolateness; let me tread once again the paved towns; step over the threshold of man’s dwellings, and most certainly I shall find this thought a horrible vision—a maddening, but evanescent dream.

For a moment, I compared myself to that king of the wasteland—Robinson Crusoe. We were both cast away alone—he on the shore of a deserted island; I on that of a deserted world. I was rich in what people call the goods of life. If I turned away from the nearby barren landscape and entered any of the millions of cities on Earth, I would find their wealth available for my comfort—clothes, food, books, and a choice of places to live that surpassed what the princes of the past could have. I could choose any climate, while he had to work hard for every necessity and lived on a tropical island where he could hardly find shelter from the heat and storms. Viewed this way, who wouldn’t prefer the luxurious pleasures I could access, the philosophical relaxation, and abundant intellectual resources to his life of labor and danger? Yet he was much happier than I was: he had hope, and hope that wasn’t in vain—the destined ship finally arrived to take him back to his countrymen and family, where the events of his solitude would become a cozy story. I could never share the tale of my struggles; I had no hope. He knew that beyond the ocean surrounding his lonely island, thousands lived, illuminated by the same sun that also shone on him: under the bright sun and passing moon, I alone had human features; I alone could express thoughts; and when I slept, both day and night went unseen by anyone. He had escaped from his fellow humans and was terrified by the sight of a human footprint. I would have knelt down and worshipped it. The wild and cruel Carib, the merciless Cannibal—or worse, the unrefined, brutal veteran of civilized vices—would have been a cherished companion to me, a dearly valued treasure—his nature would be similar to mine; his body shaped like mine; human blood would flow in his veins; a human connection must bind us forever. It can’t be that I will never see another human being again!—never!—never!—not in all these years!—Shall I wake and speak to no one, passing endless hours, my soul stranded in the world, a solitary point surrounded by emptiness? Will day after day go on like this indefinitely? —No! no! A God rules the world—providence hasn’t traded its golden scepter for a snake’s sting. Away! Let me escape from this ocean grave, let me leave this barren spot, isolated by its own desolation; let me walk once more through the paved towns, cross the threshold of human homes, and I’m sure I will find this thought to be a horrifying vision—a maddening but fleeting dream.

I entered Ravenna, (the town nearest to the spot whereon I had been cast), before the second sun had set on the empty world; I saw many living creatures; oxen, and horses, and dogs, but there was no man among them; I entered a cottage, it was vacant; I ascended the marble stairs of a palace, the bats and the owls were nestled in the tapestry; I stepped softly, not to awaken the sleeping town: I rebuked a dog, that by yelping disturbed the sacred stillness; I would not believe that all was as it seemed—The world was not dead, but I was mad; I was deprived of sight, hearing, and sense of touch; I was labouring under the force of a spell, which permitted me to behold all sights of earth, except its human inhabitants; they were pursuing their ordinary labours. Every house had its inmate; but I could not perceive them. If I could have deluded myself into a belief of this kind, I should have been far more satisfied. But my brain, tenacious of its reason, refused to lend itself to such imaginations—and though I endeavoured to play the antic to myself, I knew that I, the offspring of man, during long years one among many—now remained sole survivor of my species.

I entered Ravenna, the town closest to where I had washed up, before the second sun had set on the empty world. I saw many living creatures: oxen, horses, and dogs, but no humans among them. I went into a cottage—it was empty. I climbed the marble stairs of a palace, where bats and owls were settled in the tapestry. I moved quietly so as not to wake the sleeping town. I scolded a dog that was barking and disrupting the sacred silence. I couldn’t believe that everything was as it appeared—the world wasn’t dead, but I was out of my mind. I had lost my sense of sight, hearing, and touch; I was under some kind of spell that allowed me to see everything on earth except for its human inhabitants, who were going about their usual tasks. Every house had its occupant, but I couldn’t see them. If I could convince myself of this, I would have felt much better. But my mind, determined to stay rational, wouldn’t let me entertain such thoughts—and even though I tried to be silly with myself, I knew that I, the child of man, once one among many, was now the only one left of my kind.

The sun sank behind the western hills; I had fasted since the preceding evening, but, though faint and weary, I loathed food, nor ceased, while yet a ray of light remained, to pace the lonely streets. Night came on, and sent every living creature but me to the bosom of its mate. It was my solace, to blunt my mental agony by personal hardship—of the thousand beds around, I would not seek the luxury of one; I lay down on the pavement,—a cold marble step served me for a pillow—midnight came; and then, though not before, did my wearied lids shut out the sight of the twinkling stars, and their reflex on the pavement near. Thus I passed the second night of my desolation.

The sun disappeared behind the hills to the west; I had fasted since the night before, but even though I felt weak and tired, I found food unappealing and continued to walk the empty streets as long as there was light. Night fell, sending every living being but me back to their loved ones. It was my way of coping, dulling my mental pain with physical hardship—out of the many beds around, I wouldn’t look for the comfort of one; I lay down on the pavement—using a cold marble step as a pillow—midnight arrived; and then, but not before, my exhausted eyelids finally closed against the twinkling stars and their reflection on the pavement nearby. Thus, I spent the second night of my despair.

CHAPTER X.

I awoke in the morning, just as the higher windows of the lofty houses received the first beams of the rising sun. The birds were chirping, perched on the windows sills and deserted thresholds of the doors. I awoke, and my first thought was, Adrian and Clara are dead. I no longer shall be hailed by their good-morrow—or pass the long day in their society. I shall never see them more. The ocean has robbed me of them—stolen their hearts of love from their breasts, and given over to corruption what was dearer to me than light, or life, or hope.

I woke up in the morning, just as the higher windows of the tall houses caught the first rays of the rising sun. The birds were chirping, sitting on the window sills and empty doorsteps. I woke up, and my first thought was that Adrian and Clara were dead. I won’t be greeted by their good mornings anymore—or spend the long day in their company. I will never see them again. The ocean has taken them from me—stolen their loving hearts and left me with what was more precious to me than light, life, or hope.

I was an untaught shepherd-boy, when Adrian deigned to confer on me his friendship. The best years of my life had been passed with him. All I had possessed of this world’s goods, of happiness, knowledge, or virtue—I owed to him. He had, in his person, his intellect, and rare qualities, given a glory to my life, which without him it had never known. Beyond all other beings he had taught me, that goodness, pure and single, can be an attribute of man. It was a sight for angels to congregate to behold, to view him lead, govern, and solace, the last days of the human race.

I was just an untrained shepherd boy when Adrian chose to be my friend. The best years of my life were spent with him. Everything I had in this world—happiness, knowledge, or virtue—I owed to him. He brought a brilliance to my life through his intellect and unique qualities that I would never have experienced without him. Above all others, he showed me that true and simple goodness can be a part of who a person is. It was a sight that would make angels gather to see him lead, guide, and comfort the last days of humanity.

My lovely Clara also was lost to me—she who last of the daughters of man, exhibited all those feminine and maiden virtues, which poets, painters, and sculptors, have in their various languages strove to express. Yet, as far as she was concerned, could I lament that she was removed in early youth from the certain advent of misery? Pure she was of soul, and all her intents were holy. But her heart was the throne of love, and the sensibility her lovely countenance expressed, was the prophet of many woes, not the less deep and drear, because she would have for ever concealed them.

My beautiful Clara was also lost to me—she who, as the last of mankind's daughters, displayed all those feminine and youthful qualities that poets, painters, and sculptors have tried to capture in their various ways. Yet, when it comes to her, can I truly mourn that she was taken from this world in her early years, thus escaping certain suffering? Her soul was pure, and all her intentions were noble. But her heart was a throne of love, and the sensitivity reflected in her lovely face was a sign of many sorrows, which were no less profound and dark simply because she would have concealed them forever.

These two wondrously endowed beings had been spared from the universal wreck, to be my companions during the last year of solitude. I had felt, while they were with me, all their worth. I was conscious that every other sentiment, regret, or passion had by degrees merged into a yearning, clinging affection for them. I had not forgotten the sweet partner of my youth, mother of my children, my adored Idris; but I saw at least a part of her spirit alive again in her brother; and after, that by Evelyn’s death I had lost what most dearly recalled her to me; I enshrined her memory in Adrian’s form, and endeavoured to confound the two dear ideas. I sound the depths of my heart, and try in vain to draw thence the expressions that can typify my love for these remnants of my race. If regret and sorrow came athwart me, as well it might in our solitary and uncertain state, the clear tones of Adrian’s voice, and his fervent look, dissipated the gloom; or I was cheered unaware by the mild content and sweet resignation Clara’s cloudless brow and deep blue eyes expressed. They were all to me—the suns of my benighted soul—repose in my weariness—slumber in my sleepless woe. Ill, most ill, with disjointed words, bare and weak, have I expressed the feeling with which I clung to them. I would have wound myself like ivy inextricably round them, so that the same blow might destroy us. I would have entered and been a part of them—so that

These two wonderfully gifted individuals had been spared from the universal chaos to be my companions during the final year of my solitude. While they were with me, I truly appreciated their worth. I realized that every other feeling, whether regret or passion, had gradually merged into a deep, affectionate bond with them. I hadn’t forgotten my beloved partner from my youth, the mother of my children, my dear Idris; but I could see part of her spirit alive again in her brother. After losing Evelyn, the one who most reminded me of her, I held her memory in Adrian’s likeness and tried to blend the two cherished ideas. I searched the depths of my heart, struggling to find the words that would capture my love for these remnants of my family. Whenever regret and sorrow crossed my mind, which was often in our isolated and uncertain situation, the clear sound of Adrian’s voice and his passionate gaze lifted the weight of sadness; or I was unexpectedly comforted by the gentle contentment and sweet acceptance reflected in Clara’s serene expression and deep blue eyes. They meant everything to me—the light in my darkened soul—rest from my weariness—peace amidst my sleepless sorrow. I have poorly described the profound affection with which I clung to them, struggling to capture it in disjointed, inadequate words. I would have wrapped myself around them like ivy, inseparable, so that the same blow could take us both. I longed to become a part of them—so that

If the dull substance of my flesh were thought,

If the boring material of my body were a thought,

even now I had accompanied them to their new and incommunicable abode.

even now I had gone with them to their new and unreachable home.

Never shall I see them more. I am bereft of their dear converse—bereft of sight of them. I am a tree rent by lightning; never will the bark close over the bared fibres—never will their quivering life, torn by the winds, receive the opiate of a moment’s balm. I am alone in the world— but that expression as yet was less pregnant with misery, than that Adrian and Clara are dead.

Never will I see them again. I miss their warm conversations—I miss seeing them. I’m like a tree struck by lightning; the bark will never heal over the exposed fibers—its trembling life, ripped apart by the winds, will never find the soothing relief of even a moment’s peace. I am alone in the world—but that realization was still less heavy with sorrow than knowing that Adrian and Clara are gone.

The tide of thought and feeling rolls on for ever the same, though the banks and shapes around, which govern its course, and the reflection in the wave, vary. Thus the sentiment of immediate loss in some sort decayed, while that of utter, irremediable loneliness grew on me with time. Three days I wandered through Ravenna—now thinking only of the beloved beings who slept in the oozy caves of ocean—now looking forward on the dread blank before me; shuddering to make an onward step—writhing at each change that marked the progress of the hours.

The flow of thoughts and feelings continues endlessly, even though the surroundings that shape it and the reflections in the waves change. So, while the feeling of immediate loss faded a bit, the sense of total, irreparable loneliness grew stronger over time. I wandered through Ravenna for three days—sometimes lost in thoughts of the loved ones resting in the murky depths of the ocean, other times gazing ahead at the terrifying emptiness before me; I hesitated to take a step forward and recoiled at each shift that marked the passing hours.

For three days I wandered to and fro in this melancholy town. I passed whole hours in going from house to house, listening whether I could detect some lurking sign of human existence. Sometimes I rang at a bell; it tinkled through the vaulted rooms, and silence succeeded to the sound. I called myself hopeless, yet still I hoped; and still disappointment ushered in the hours, intruding the cold, sharp steel which first pierced me, into the aching festering wound. I fed like a wild beast, which seizes its food only when stung by intolerable hunger. I did not change my garb, or seek the shelter of a roof, during all those days. Burning heats, nervous irritation, a ceaseless, but confused flow of thought, sleepless nights, and days instinct with a frenzy of agitation, possessed me during that time.

For three days, I wandered around this sad town. I spent hours going from house to house, trying to find any sign of other people. Sometimes I rang a doorbell; it chimed through the empty rooms, and then silence took over. I called myself hopeless but still held on to hope; yet disappointment came in with each passing hour, pushing the cold, sharp pain that had first struck me deeper into my already hurting wound. I fed like a wild animal, only grabbing food when I couldn't stand the hunger anymore. I didn't change my clothes or look for shelter during those days. I was consumed by burning heat, nervous restlessness, a constant but jumbled stream of thoughts, sleepless nights, and days filled with frenzied agitation.

As the fever of my blood encreased, a desire of wandering came upon me. I remember, that the sun had set on the fifth day after my wreck, when, without purpose or aim, I quitted the town of Ravenna. I must have been very ill. Had I been possessed by more or less of delirium, that night had surely been my last; for, as I continued to walk on the banks of the Mantone, whose upward course I followed, I looked wistfully on the stream, acknowledging to myself that its pellucid waves could medicine my woes for ever, and was unable to account to myself for my tardiness in seeking their shelter from the poisoned arrows of thought, that were piercing me through and through. I walked a considerable part of the night, and excessive weariness at length conquered my repugnance to the availing myself of the deserted habitations of my species. The waning moon, which had just risen, shewed me a cottage, whose neat entrance and trim garden reminded me of my own England. I lifted up the latch of the door and entered. A kitchen first presented itself, where, guided by the moon beams, I found materials for striking a light. Within this was a bed room; the couch was furnished with sheets of snowy whiteness; the wood piled on the hearth, and an array as for a meal, might almost have deceived me into the dear belief that I had here found what I had so long sought—one survivor, a companion for my loneliness, a solace to my despair. I steeled myself against the delusion; the room itself was vacant: it was only prudent, I repeated to myself, to examine the rest of the house. I fancied that I was proof against the expectation; yet my heart beat audibly, as I laid my hand on the lock of each door, and it sunk again, when I perceived in each the same vacancy. Dark and silent they were as vaults; so I returned to the first chamber, wondering what sightless host had spread the materials for my repast, and my repose. I drew a chair to the table, and examined what the viands were of which I was to partake. In truth it was a death feast! The bread was blue and mouldy; the cheese lay a heap of dust. I did not dare examine the other dishes; a troop of ants passed in a double line across the table cloth; every utensil was covered with dust, with cobwebs, and myriads of dead flies: these were objects each and all betokening the fallaciousness of my expectations. Tears rushed into my eyes; surely this was a wanton display of the power of the destroyer. What had I done, that each sensitive nerve was thus to be anatomized? Yet why complain more now than ever? This vacant cottage revealed no new sorrow— the world was empty; mankind was dead—I knew it well—why quarrel therefore with an acknowledged and stale truth? Yet, as I said, I had hoped in the very heart of despair, so that every new impression of the hard-cut reality on my soul brought with it a fresh pang, telling me the yet unstudied lesson, that neither change of place nor time could bring alleviation to my misery, but that, as I now was, I must continue, day after day, month after month, year after year, while I lived. I hardly dared conjecture what space of time that expression implied. It is true, I was no longer in the first blush of manhood; neither had I declined far in the vale of years—men have accounted mine the prime of life: I had just entered my thirty-seventh year; every limb was as well knit, every articulation as true, as when I had acted the shepherd on the hills of Cumberland; and with these advantages I was to commence the train of solitary life. Such were the reflections that ushered in my slumber on that night.

As my blood fever rose, I felt an urge to wander. I remember that the sun had set on the fifth day after my shipwreck when, aimlessly, I left the town of Ravenna. I must have been very sick. If I was in a delirium, that night would surely have been my last; as I walked along the banks of the Mantone, which I followed upstream, I gazed longingly at the river, realizing that its clear waters could heal my pain forever, and I couldn't understand why I hesitated to seek refuge from the tormenting thoughts that pierced me deeply. I walked much of the night, and eventual exhaustion overcame my reluctance to use the abandoned homes of my fellow beings. The waning moon, which had just risen, revealed a cottage with a tidy entrance and well-kept garden that reminded me of my own England. I lifted the latch and stepped inside. The kitchen was the first room I entered, where, guided by the moonlight, I found materials to start a fire. Beyond that was a bedroom; the bed was dressed with bright white sheets, the wood stacked on the hearth, and a meal set out, which almost tricked me into believing I had finally found what I had longed for—one survivor, a companion for my solitude, a comfort to my despair. I steeled myself against the illusion; the room was empty. It was wise, I told myself, to search the rest of the house. I thought I was resistant to hope, yet my heart raced audibly as I turned the lock on each door, and sank again when I found each room empty. They were dark and silent like tombs; so I returned to the first room, wondering who had prepared the food and bed for me. I pulled a chair to the table and examined the food I was supposed to eat. In truth, it was a death feast! The bread was blue and moldy; the cheese was just a pile of dust. I didn’t dare look at the other dishes; a line of ants marched across the tablecloth; every utensil was covered in dust, cobwebs, and countless dead flies: these were all signs disproving my hopes. Tears filled my eyes; surely this was a cruel reminder of destruction. What had I done to deserve such torment? But why complain more than I ever had? This empty cottage revealed no new sorrow—the world was empty; humanity was gone—I knew it well—why argue with a recognized and stale truth? Yet, as I said, I had hoped in the depths of despair, so every new encounter with harsh reality sent a fresh stab of pain, teaching me the yet unlearned lesson that neither a change of place nor time could relieve my suffering, but that, as I was now, I would have to endure day after day, month after month, year after year, for as long as I lived. I hardly dared to guess how long that really meant. It’s true, I was no longer in the prime of youth; neither had I aged significantly—people considered this the prime of life: I had just turned thirty-seven; every limb was as well-formed, every joint as strong, as when I had lived as a shepherd on the hills of Cumberland; and with these advantages, I was to begin a life of solitude. Such were the thoughts that accompanied my sleep that night.

The shelter, however, and less disturbed repose which I enjoyed, restored me the following morning to a greater portion of health and strength, than I had experienced since my fatal shipwreck. Among the stores I had discovered on searching the cottage the preceding night, was a quantity of dried grapes; these refreshed me in the morning, as I left my lodging and proceeded towards a town which I discerned at no great distance. As far as I could divine, it must have been Forli. I entered with pleasure its wide and grassy streets. All, it is true, pictured the excess of desolation; yet I loved to find myself in those spots which had been the abode of my fellow creatures. I delighted to traverse street after street, to look up at the tall houses, and repeat to myself, once they contained beings similar to myself—I was not always the wretch I am now. The wide square of Forli, the arcade around it, its light and pleasant aspect cheered me. I was pleased with the idea, that, if the earth should be again peopled, we, the lost race, would, in the relics left behind, present no contemptible exhibition of our powers to the new comers.

The shelter and the peaceful rest I got restored me the next morning, giving me more health and strength than I had felt since my terrible shipwreck. Among the supplies I had found while searching the cottage the night before was a bunch of dried grapes; they refreshed me in the morning as I left my place and made my way toward a town I spotted not too far away. From what I could tell, it was probably Forli. I entered its wide, grassy streets with pleasure. True, the place looked incredibly desolate, but I loved being in the spaces where other people once lived. I enjoyed walking through street after street, looking up at the tall buildings, reminding myself that they once housed people just like me—I wasn't always the miserable person I am now. The large square in Forli, the arcade that surrounded it, and its bright, cheerful vibe lifted my spirits. I was happy with the thought that if the earth were ever repopulated, we, the lost people, would leave behind remnants that would show the newcomers that we were not without our talents.

I entered one of the palaces, and opened the door of a magnificent saloon. I started—I looked again with renewed wonder. What wild-looking, unkempt, half-naked savage was that before me? The surprise was momentary.

I walked into one of the palaces and opened the door to a stunning room. I stopped—I looked again, filled with new amazement. Who was that wild-looking, messy, half-naked person standing in front of me? The shock was brief.

I perceived that it was I myself whom I beheld in a large mirror at the end of the hall. No wonder that the lover of the princely Idris should fail to recognize himself in the miserable object there pourtrayed. My tattered dress was that in which I had crawled half alive from the tempestuous sea. My long and tangled hair hung in elf locks on my brow—my dark eyes, now hollow and wild, gleamed from under them—my cheeks were discoloured by the jaundice, which (the effect of misery and neglect) suffused my skin, and were half hid by a beard of many days’ growth.

I realized that it was me I was looking at in a big mirror at the end of the hall. No wonder the lover of the noble Idris wouldn't recognize himself in the pitiful figure reflected there. My worn-out clothes were what I had crawled out of the stormy sea in. My long, tangled hair fell in messy strands over my forehead—my dark eyes, now hollow and wild, shone from beneath them—my cheeks were discolored from jaundice, a result of misery and neglect, which had stained my skin, and they were partly concealed by a beard that had grown for many days.

Yet why should I not remain thus, I thought; the world is dead, and this squalid attire is a fitter mourning garb than the foppery of a black suit. And thus, methinks, I should have remained, had not hope, without which I do not believe man could exist, whispered to me, that, in such a plight, I should be an object of fear and aversion to the being, preserved I knew not where, but I fondly trusted, at length, to be found by me. Will my readers scorn the vanity, that made me attire myself with some care, for the sake of this visionary being? Or will they forgive the freaks of a half crazed imagination? I can easily forgive myself—for hope, however vague, was so dear to me, and a sentiment of pleasure of so rare occurrence, that I yielded readily to any idea, that cherished the one, or promised any recurrence of the former to my sorrowing heart. After such occupation, I visited every street, alley, and nook of Forli. These Italian towns presented an appearance of still greater desolation, than those of England or France. Plague had appeared here earlier—it had finished its course, and achieved its work much sooner than with us. Probably the last summer had found no human being alive, in all the track included between the shores of Calabria and the northern Alps. My search was utterly vain, yet I did not despond. Reason methought was on my side; and the chances were by no means contemptible, that there should exist in some part of Italy a survivor like myself—of a wasted, depopulate land. As therefore I rambled through the empty town, I formed my plan for future operations. I would continue to journey on towards Rome. After I should have satisfied myself, by a narrow search, that I left behind no human being in the towns through which I passed, I would write up in a conspicuous part of each, with white paint, in three languages, that “Verney, the last of the race of Englishmen, had taken up his abode in Rome.”

Yet why shouldn't I stay like this, I thought; the world is dead, and these shabby clothes are a more fitting mourning outfit than the pretentiousness of a black suit. And so, I would have continued, had hope, without which I don't believe anyone could survive, whispered to me that, in such a state, I would be seen as a source of fear and disgust by the person I knew not where was, but I hoped to eventually find. Will my readers judge the vanity that made me take some care in how I dressed for the sake of this imaginary being? Or will they understand the whims of a nearly crazed imagination? I can easily forgive myself—for hope, no matter how vague, was so precious to me, and a feeling of happiness so rare that I quickly accepted any idea that nurtured it or promised to bring back any sense of joy to my aching heart. After such a fixation, I explored every street, alley, and corner of Forli. These Italian towns seemed even more desolate than those in England or France. The plague had hit here earlier—it had run its course and done its damage much sooner than it did with us. Probably last summer, there were no humans left alive in the entire area between the shores of Calabria and the northern Alps. My search was completely futile, yet I did not lose hope. I thought reason was on my side; and the chances were certainly not insignificant that there was someone else like me somewhere in Italy—a survivor in a ravaged, depopulated land. So, as I wandered through the empty town, I began to plan my next moves. I would continue my journey toward Rome. After I had thoroughly searched each town and ensured there were no human beings left behind, I would write prominently in each place, with white paint, in three languages, that "Verney, the last of the English race, had taken residence in Rome."

In pursuance of this scheme, I entered a painter’s shop, and procured myself the paint. It is strange that so trivial an occupation should have consoled, and even enlivened me. But grief renders one childish, despair fantastic. To this simple inscription, I merely added the adjuration, “Friend, come! I wait for thee!—Deh, vieni! ti aspetto!” On the following morning, with something like hope for my companion, I quitted Forli on my way to Rome. Until now, agonizing retrospect, and dreary prospects for the future, had stung me when awake, and cradled me to my repose. Many times I had delivered myself up to the tyranny of anguish— many times I resolved a speedy end to my woes; and death by my own hands was a remedy, whose practicability was even cheering to me. What could I fear in the other world? If there were an hell, and I were doomed to it, I should come an adept to the sufferance of its tortures—the act were easy, the speedy and certain end of my deplorable tragedy. But now these thoughts faded before the new born expectation. I went on my way, not as before, feeling each hour, each minute, to be an age instinct with incalculable pain.

In line with this plan, I went into a painter’s shop and got the paint. It’s odd that such a small task could comfort and even uplift me. But sadness makes one act like a child, and despair makes things seem surreal. To the simple message, I added, “Friend, come! I’m waiting for you!—Deh, vieni! ti aspetto!” The next morning, filled with a bit of hope for my companion, I left Forli headed for Rome. Until then, my painful memories and gloomy future had tormented me when I was awake and lulled me to sleep. Many times, I had surrendered to the grip of anguish—many times I had resolved to end my suffering quickly; death by my own hand seemed like a solution, something that even gave me some comfort. What could I fear in the afterlife? If there was a hell and I was destined for it, I would be well-prepared for its tortures—the act would be easy, and it would mean a quick and certain end to my miserable story. But now those thoughts faded in light of new hope. I continued on my journey, not feeling like before, where every hour, every minute, felt like an eternity filled with unbearable pain.

As I wandered along the plain, at the foot of the Appennines—through their vallies, and over their bleak summits, my path led me through a country which had been trodden by heroes, visited and admired by thousands. They had, as a tide, receded, leaving me blank and bare in the midst. But why complain? Did I not hope?—so I schooled myself, even after the enlivening spirit had really deserted me, and thus I was obliged to call up all the fortitude I could command, and that was not much, to prevent a recurrence of that chaotic and intolerable despair, that had succeeded to the miserable shipwreck, that had consummated every fear, and dashed to annihilation every joy.

As I strolled along the plain at the base of the Apennines—through their valleys and over their stark peaks—my path took me through a land once walked by heroes and admired by countless visitors. They had all but faded away, leaving me feeling empty and exposed in the middle of it. But why should I complain? Didn’t I still have hope? I told myself this even after the uplifting spirit had truly abandoned me, and so I had to summon all the strength I could muster, which wasn’t much, to keep myself from slipping back into that chaotic and unbearable despair that followed the terrible wreck that shattered all my fears and obliterated every joy.

I rose each day with the morning sun, and left my desolate inn. As my feet strayed through the unpeopled country, my thoughts rambled through the universe, and I was least miserable when I could, absorbed in reverie, forget the passage of the hours. Each evening, in spite of weariness, I detested to enter any dwelling, there to take up my nightly abode—I have sat, hour after hour, at the door of the cottage I had selected, unable to lift the latch, and meet face to face blank desertion within. Many nights, though autumnal mists were spread around, I passed under an ilex—many times I have supped on arbutus berries and chestnuts, making a fire, gypsy-like, on the ground—because wild natural scenery reminded me less acutely of my hopeless state of loneliness. I counted the days, and bore with me a peeled willow-wand, on which, as well as I could remember, I had notched the days that had elapsed since my wreck, and each night I added another unit to the melancholy sum.

I woke up every day with the morning sun and left my lonely inn. As I walked through the empty countryside, my thoughts wandered through the universe, and I felt least miserable when I could get lost in daydreams and forget about the passing hours. Each evening, despite being tired, I hated going into any place to spend the night—I sat for hours at the door of the cottage I had picked, unable to lift the latch and face the empty space inside. Many nights, even though autumn mists surrounded me, I wandered beneath an oak tree; many times I ate arbutus berries and chestnuts, making a fire on the ground like a gypsy—because the wild scenery reminded me less painfully of my desperate loneliness. I kept track of the days and carried a peeled willow stick, on which I had marked the days that had passed since my shipwreck, adding another notch each night to the sad count.

I had toiled up a hill which led to Spoleto. Around was spread a plain, encircled by the chestnut-covered Appennines. A dark ravine was on one side, spanned by an aqueduct, whose tall arches were rooted in the dell below, and attested that man had once deigned to bestow labour and thought here, to adorn and civilize nature. Savage, ungrateful nature, which in wild sport defaced his remains, protruding her easily renewed, and fragile growth of wild flowers and parasite plants around his eternal edifices. I sat on a fragment of rock, and looked round. The sun had bathed in gold the western atmosphere, and in the east the clouds caught the radiance, and budded into transient loveliness. It set on a world that contained me alone for its inhabitant. I took out my wand—I counted the marks. Twenty-five were already traced—twenty-five days had already elapsed, since human voice had gladdened my ears, or human countenance met my gaze. Twenty-five long, weary days, succeeded by dark and lonesome nights, had mingled with foregone years, and had become a part of the past—the never to be recalled—a real, undeniable portion of my life—twenty-five long, long days.

I had climbed a hill that led to Spoleto. A plain spread out around me, surrounded by the chestnut-covered Apennines. A dark ravine was on one side, crossed by an aqueduct, with tall arches rooted in the valley below, proof that people had once put in effort and thought here to enhance and civilize nature. Ungrateful nature, which in its wildness had damaged their remains, pushing forth a fragile growth of wildflowers and parasitic plants around these lasting structures. I sat on a piece of rock and looked around. The sun had bathed the western sky in gold, and in the east, the clouds caught the light and blossomed into fleeting beauty. It set over a world where I was the only inhabitant. I took out my wand—I counted the marks. Twenty-five were already noted—twenty-five days had passed since a human voice had cheered my ears or a human face had met my gaze. Twenty-five long, exhausting days, followed by dark and lonely nights, had merged with previous years and had become a part of the past—the irretrievable—a real, undeniable part of my life—twenty-five long, long days.

Why this was not a month!—Why talk of days—or weeks—or months—I must grasp years in my imagination, if I would truly picture the future to myself—three, five, ten, twenty, fifty anniversaries of that fatal epoch might elapse—every year containing twelve months, each of more numerous calculation in a diary, than the twenty-five days gone by—Can it be? Will it be?—We had been used to look forward to death tremulously— wherefore, but because its place was obscure? But more terrible, and far more obscure, was the unveiled course of my lone futurity. I broke my wand; I threw it from me. I needed no recorder of the inch and barley-corn growth of my life, while my unquiet thoughts created other divisions, than those ruled over by the planets—and, in looking back on the age that had elapsed since I had been alone, I disdained to give the name of days and hours to the throes of agony which had in truth portioned it out.

Why isn’t this just a month? Why talk about days, weeks, or months? I have to imagine years if I want to really picture the future—three, five, ten, twenty, fifty anniversaries of that fateful time could go by—each year having twelve months, each one more numerous in a diary than the twenty-five days that have passed. Can it be? Will it be? We used to face death with fear because it was uncertain, but what’s more terrifying and even more uncertain is the path of my future alone. I broke my wand and tossed it away. I didn’t need a record of the slow progress of my life when my restless thoughts created divisions beyond those measured by the stars—and looking back on the time that had passed since I had been alone, I refused to call the periods of agony that had actually defined it days and hours.

I hid my face in my hands. The twitter of the young birds going to rest, and their rustling among the trees, disturbed the still evening-air—the crickets chirped—the aziolo cooed at intervals. My thoughts had been of death—these sounds spoke to me of life. I lifted up my eyes—a bat wheeled round—the sun had sunk behind the jagged line of mountains, and the paly, crescent moon was visible, silver white, amidst the orange sunset, and accompanied by one bright star, prolonged thus the twilight. A herd of cattle passed along in the dell below, untended, towards their watering place—the grass was rustled by a gentle breeze, and the olive-woods, mellowed into soft masses by the moonlight, contrasted their sea-green with the dark chestnut foliage. Yes, this is the earth; there is no change—no ruin—no rent made in her verdurous expanse; she continues to wheel round and round, with alternate night and day, through the sky, though man is not her adorner or inhabitant. Why could I not forget myself like one of those animals, and no longer suffer the wild tumult of misery that I endure? Yet, ah! what a deadly breach yawns between their state and mine! Have not they companions? Have not they each their mate—their cherished young, their home, which, though unexpressed to us, is, I doubt not, endeared and enriched, even in their eyes, by the society which kind nature has created for them? It is I only that am alone—I, on this little hill top, gazing on plain and mountain recess—on sky, and its starry population, listening to every sound of earth, and air, and murmuring wave,—I only cannot express to any companion my many thoughts, nor lay my throbbing head on any loved bosom, nor drink from meeting eyes an intoxicating dew, that transcends the fabulous nectar of the gods. Shall I not then complain? Shall I not curse the murderous engine which has mowed down the children of men, my brethren? Shall I not bestow a malediction on every other of nature’s offspring, which dares live and enjoy, while I live and suffer?

I buried my face in my hands. The chirping of young birds settling down for the night and their rustling among the trees broke the silence of the evening air—the crickets chirped, and the dove cooed occasionally. My thoughts were on death—these sounds reminded me of life. I raised my eyes—a bat flew by—the sun had dropped behind the jagged mountains, and the pale, crescent moon shone silver-white against the orange sunset, accompanied by one bright star that extended the twilight. A herd of cattle wandered through the valley below, unattended, heading to their watering spot—the grass stirred in a gentle breeze, and the olive trees, softened by the moonlight, contrasted their sea-green leaves with the dark chestnut foliage. Yes, this is the earth; there’s no change—no decay—no tear in her lush surface; she continues to revolve endlessly, with alternating night and day, across the sky, even though humans aren’t her adorners or inhabitants. Why can’t I forget myself like those animals and stop enduring this wild turmoil of misery? Yet, oh! what a deadly gap lies between their existence and mine! Don’t they have companions? Don’t they have each other—their beloved young ones, their homes, which, although unspoken, I’m sure are cherished and enriched in their eyes by the companionship that kind nature has created for them? It’s only me that’s alone—I, on this little hilltop, looking over the plains and mountains, gazing at the sky and its starry company, listening to every sound from earth, air, and murmuring waves—I alone cannot share my many thoughts with any companion, nor lay my tired head on any loved one’s chest, nor drink from meeting eyes an intoxicating sweetness that surpasses even the legendary nectar of the gods. Shouldn’t I then complain? Shouldn’t I curse the murderous force that has cut down human lives, my brothers and sisters? Shouldn’t I cast a curse on every other of nature’s creatures bold enough to live and enjoy while I am left to suffer?

Ah, no! I will discipline my sorrowing heart to sympathy in your joys; I will be happy, because ye are so. Live on, ye innocents, nature’s selected darlings; I am not much unlike to you. Nerves, pulse, brain, joint, and flesh, of such am I composed, and ye are organized by the same laws. I have something beyond this, but I will call it a defect, not an endowment, if it leads me to misery, while ye are happy. Just then, there emerged from a near copse two goats and a little kid, by the mother’s side; they began to browze the herbage of the hill. I approached near to them, without their perceiving me; I gathered a handful of fresh grass, and held it out; the little one nestled close to its mother, while she timidly withdrew. The male stepped forward, fixing his eyes on me: I drew near, still holding out my lure, while he, depressing his head, rushed at me with his horns. I was a very fool; I knew it, yet I yielded to my rage. I snatched up a huge fragment of rock; it would have crushed my rash foe. I poized it—aimed it—then my heart failed me. I hurled it wide of the mark; it rolled clattering among the bushes into dell. My little visitants, all aghast, galloped back into the covert of the wood; while I, my very heart bleeding and torn, rushed down the hill, and by the violence of bodily exertion, sought to escape from my miserable self.

Ah, no! I will train my sorrowful heart to share in your joys; I will be happy because you are. Keep living, you innocent ones, nature’s chosen favorites; I’m not so different from you. I have nerves, pulse, brain, joints, and flesh, just like you do, created by the same laws. I have something more than that, but I’ll consider it a flaw, not a gift, if it makes me unhappy while you are joyful. At that moment, two goats and a little kid appeared from a nearby thicket; they started to graze on the grass of the hill. I got closer to them without them noticing; I picked a handful of fresh grass and held it out. The little one snuggled up to its mother, while she cautiously backed away. The male stepped forward, fixing his gaze on me. I moved closer, still offering my bait, but as he lowered his head, he charged at me with his horns. I was being a fool; I knew it, but I gave in to my anger. I picked up a large rock; it could have crushed my reckless opponent. I held it—aimed it—then my heart failed me. I threw it wildly off target; it rolled and clattered among the bushes into the valley. My little visitors, startled, ran back into the safety of the woods, while I, my heart aching and torn, dashed down the hill, trying to escape my miserable self through sheer physical exertion.

No, no, I will not live among the wild scenes of nature, the enemy of all that lives. I will seek the towns—Rome, the capital of the world, the crown of man’s achievements. Among its storied streets, hallowed ruins, and stupendous remains of human exertion, I shall not, as here, find every thing forgetful of man; trampling on his memory, defacing his works, proclaiming from hill to hill, and vale to vale,—by the torrents freed from the boundaries which he imposed—by the vegetation liberated from the laws which he enforced—by his habitation abandoned to mildew and weeds, that his power is lost, his race annihilated for ever.

No, no, I will not live among the wild scenes of nature, which are the enemy of everything that exists. I will look for the towns—Rome, the capital of the world, the pinnacle of human achievement. In its historic streets, sacred ruins, and incredible remnants of human effort, I won’t, like here, find everything disregarding humanity; trampling on his memory, defacing his creations, declaring from hill to hill and valley to valley—by the torrents freed from the boundaries he set—by the vegetation released from the rules he enforced—by his home left to mold and weeds, that his power is gone, his race forever annihilated.

I hailed the Tiber, for that was as it were an unalienable possession of humanity. I hailed the wild Campagna, for every rood had been trod by man; and its savage uncultivation, of no recent date, only proclaimed more distinctly his power, since he had given an honourable name and sacred title to what else would have been a worthless, barren track. I entered Eternal Rome by the Porta del Popolo, and saluted with awe its time-honoured space. The wide square, the churches near, the long extent of the Corso, the near eminence of Trinita de’ Monti appeared like fairy work, they were so silent, so peaceful, and so very fair. It was evening; and the population of animals which still existed in this mighty city, had gone to rest; there was no sound, save the murmur of its many fountains, whose soft monotony was harmony to my soul. The knowledge that I was in Rome, soothed me; that wondrous city, hardly more illustrious for its heroes and sages, than for the power it exercised over the imaginations of men. I went to rest that night; the eternal burning of my heart quenched,—my senses tranquil.

I called out to the Tiber, as it truly felt like an irreplaceable part of humanity. I welcomed the wild Campagna, for every piece of land had been walked on by humans; its untamed state, which wasn’t new, clearly showed our influence, since we had given a noble name and respected title to what would otherwise have been a worthless, barren expanse. I entered Eternal Rome through the Porta del Popolo and greeted its historic space with reverence. The expansive square, the nearby churches, the long stretch of the Corso, and the close elevation of Trinita de' Monti seemed almost magical, so quiet, peaceful, and beautiful they were. It was evening, and the wildlife still present in this grand city had settled down; there was no sound except for the gentle murmur of its many fountains, their soft rhythm a comfort to my soul. The knowledge that I was in Rome calmed me; that remarkable city, almost as well-known for its heroes and thinkers as for the hold it had over people’s imaginations. I went to bed that night, the everlasting fire in my heart extinguished—my senses at ease.

The next morning I eagerly began my rambles in search of oblivion. I ascended the many terraces of the garden of the Colonna Palace, under whose roof I had been sleeping; and passing out from it at its summit, I found myself on Monte Cavallo. The fountain sparkled in the sun; the obelisk above pierced the clear dark-blue air. The statues on each side, the works, as they are inscribed, of Phidias and Praxiteles, stood in undiminished grandeur, representing Castor and Pollux, who with majestic power tamed the rearing animal at their side. If those illustrious artists had in truth chiselled these forms, how many passing generations had their giant proportions outlived! and now they were viewed by the last of the species they were sculptured to represent and deify. I had shrunk into insignificance in my own eyes, as I considered the multitudinous beings these stone demigods had outlived, but this after-thought restored me to dignity in my own conception. The sight of the poetry eternized in these statues, took the sting from the thought, arraying it only in poetic ideality.

The next morning, I eagerly started my walks in search of forgetfulness. I climbed the many levels of the garden of the Colonna Palace, where I had been sleeping; and exiting from it at the top, I found myself on Monte Cavallo. The fountain sparkled in the sun; the obelisk above reached up into the clear dark-blue sky. The statues on each side, attributed to Phidias and Praxiteles, stood in magnificent glory, depicting Castor and Pollux, who, with their impressive strength, tamed the rearing creature beside them. If those legendary artists really carved these figures, how many generations had their monumental forms outlasted! Now they were being seen by the last of the beings they were designed to represent and glorify. I had felt small in my own eyes as I thought about the countless beings these stone demigods had survived, but this reflection brought back a sense of dignity in my own view. The sight of the poetry captured in these statues eased the pain of the thought, transforming it into pure poetic beauty.

I repeated to myself,—I am in Rome! I behold, and as it were, familiarly converse with the wonder of the world, sovereign mistress of the imagination, majestic and eternal survivor of millions of generations of extinct men. I endeavoured to quiet the sorrows of my aching heart, by even now taking an interest in what in my youth I had ardently longed to see. Every part of Rome is replete with relics of ancient times. The meanest streets are strewed with truncated columns, broken capitals—Corinthian and Ionic, and sparkling fragments of granite or porphyry. The walls of the most penurious dwellings enclose a fluted pillar or ponderous stone, which once made part of the palace of the Cæsars; and the voice of dead time, in still vibrations, is breathed from these dumb things, animated and glorified as they were by man.

I kept telling myself, "I’m in Rome!" I see it now, and it feels like I’m having a casual conversation with the wonders of the world, the grand queen of imagination, a majestic and timeless survivor of countless generations of people who have come and gone. I tried to soothe the pain in my heart by taking an interest in what I had desperately wanted to see in my youth. Every part of Rome is filled with remnants of ancient times. Even the simplest streets are scattered with broken columns, fallen capitals—both Corinthian and Ionic—and sparkling pieces of granite or porphyry. The walls of the humblest homes enclose a fluted pillar or heavy stone that once belonged to the palace of the Caesars; and the echoes of history softly resonate from these silent objects, made alive and glorified by human presence.

I embraced the vast columns of the temple of Jupiter Stator, which survives in the open space that was the Forum, and leaning my burning cheek against its cold durability, I tried to lose the sense of present misery and present desertion, by recalling to the haunted cell of my brain vivid memories of times gone by. I rejoiced at my success, as I figured Camillus, the Gracchi, Cato, and last the heroes of Tacitus, which shine meteors of surpassing brightness during the murky night of the empire;—as the verses of Horace and Virgil, or the glowing periods of Cicero thronged into the opened gates of my mind, I felt myself exalted by long forgotten enthusiasm. I was delighted to know that I beheld the scene which they beheld—the scene which their wives and mothers, and crowds of the unnamed witnessed, while at the same time they honoured, applauded, or wept for these matchless specimens of humanity. At length, then, I had found a consolation. I had not vainly sought the storied precincts of Rome—I had discovered a medicine for my many and vital wounds.

I pressed against the towering columns of the temple of Jupiter Stator, which still stands in the open area that used to be the Forum, and resting my warm cheek against its cold stone, I tried to escape the feelings of current misery and loneliness by bringing to life vivid memories of the past in my mind. I felt a rush of happiness as I imagined Camillus, the Gracchi, Cato, and finally the heroes of Tacitus, who shine like bright meteors in the dark nights of the empire; as the poetry of Horace and Virgil, or the powerful speeches of Cicero flooded my thoughts, I felt uplifted by a long-lost passion. I was thrilled to realize that I was witnessing the same scene they had seen—the scene that their wives and mothers and countless others had witnessed, while honoring, cheering, or crying for these extraordinary figures. Finally, I had found some comfort. I had not searched in vain through the storied places of Rome—I had discovered a remedy for my many deep wounds.

I sat at the foot of these vast columns. The Coliseum, whose naked ruin is robed by nature in a verdurous and glowing veil, lay in the sunlight on my right. Not far off, to the left, was the Tower of the Capitol. Triumphal arches, the falling walls of many temples, strewed the ground at my feet. I strove, I resolved, to force myself to see the Plebeian multitude and lofty Patrician forms congregated around; and, as the Diorama of ages passed across my subdued fancy, they were replaced by the modern Roman; the Pope, in his white stole, distributing benedictions to the kneeling worshippers; the friar in his cowl; the dark-eyed girl, veiled by her mezzera; the noisy, sun-burnt rustic, leading his herd of buffaloes and oxen to the Campo Vaccino. The romance with which, dipping our pencils in the rainbow hues of sky and transcendent nature, we to a degree gratuitously endow the Italians, replaced the solemn grandeur of antiquity. I remembered the dark monk, and floating figures of “The Italian,” and how my boyish blood had thrilled at the description. I called to mind Corinna ascending the Capitol to be crowned, and, passing from the heroine to the author, reflected how the Enchantress Spirit of Rome held sovereign sway over the minds of the imaginative, until it rested on me—sole remaining spectator of its wonders.

I sat at the base of these huge columns. The Coliseum, its bare ruins covered by nature in a vibrant green dress, was basking in the sunlight to my right. Not far away, to the left, stood the Tower of the Capitol. Triumphal arches and the crumbling walls of many temples scattered the ground at my feet. I made an effort to imagine the Plebeian crowd and the noble Patrician figures gathered around; and as visions of the ages flowed through my mind, they transformed into modern Romans: the Pope in his white robe giving blessings to kneeling worshippers; the friar in his hood; the dark-eyed girl, veiled with her mezzera; the loud, sunburned farmer leading his herd of buffaloes and oxen to the Campo Vaccino. The romantic image we often paint with vibrant colors of the sky and nature to some extent unfairly idealizes the Italians, overshadowing the solemn greatness of ancient times. I remembered the dark monk and the ethereal figures from “The Italian,” and how it had excited my youthful heart. I recalled Corinna climbing the Capitol to receive her crown, and as I shifted from the heroine to the author, I thought about how the enchanting spirit of Rome captivated the imaginations of so many until it finally focused on me—the last remaining witness to its wonders.

I was long wrapt by such ideas; but the soul wearies of a pauseless flight; and, stooping from its wheeling circuits round and round this spot, suddenly it fell ten thousand fathom deep, into the abyss of the present— into self-knowledge—into tenfold sadness. I roused myself—I cast off my waking dreams; and I, who just now could almost hear the shouts of the Roman throng, and was hustled by countless multitudes, now beheld the desart ruins of Rome sleeping under its own blue sky; the shadows lay tranquilly on the ground; sheep were grazing untended on the Palatine, and a buffalo stalked down the Sacred Way that led to the Capitol. I was alone in the Forum; alone in Rome; alone in the world. Would not one living man —one companion in my weary solitude, be worth all the glory and remembered power of this time-honoured city? Double sorrow—sadness, bred in Cimmerian caves, robed my soul in a mourning garb. The generations I had conjured up to my fancy, contrasted more strongly with the end of all —the single point in which, as a pyramid, the mighty fabric of society had ended, while I, on the giddy height, saw vacant space around me.

I was wrapped up in these thoughts for a long time; but the soul gets tired of an endless journey; and as it circled this spot again and again, it suddenly plummeted ten thousand fathoms deep, into the abyss of the present—into self-awareness—into overwhelming sadness. I snapped out of it—I shook off my waking dreams; and I, who just moments ago could almost hear the cheers of the Roman crowd and was jostled by countless people, now saw the deserted ruins of Rome resting under its own blue sky; shadows lay calmly on the ground; sheep grazed unattended on the Palatine, and a buffalo wandered down the Sacred Way that led to the Capitol. I was alone in the Forum; alone in Rome; alone in the world. Wouldn’t one living man—one companion in my exhausting solitude—be worth all the glory and remembered power of this ancient city? Double sorrow—sadness, born in dark caves, clothed my soul in mourning. The generations I had summoned to my mind stood in stark contrast to the end of it all—the single point where, like a pyramid, the grand structure of society had concluded, while I, at this dizzying height, saw only empty space around me.

From such vague laments I turned to the contemplation of the minutiae of my situation. So far, I had not succeeded in the sole object of my desires, the finding a companion for my desolation. Yet I did not despair. It is true that my inscriptions were set up for the most part, in insignificant towns and villages; yet, even without these memorials, it was possible that the person, who like me should find himself alone in a depopulate land, should, like me, come to Rome. The more slender my expectation was, the more I chose to build on it, and to accommodate my actions to this vague possibility.

From those vague complaints, I shifted my focus to the details of my situation. Up to that point, I hadn’t achieved my main goal: finding a companion to share in my solitude. Still, I didn’t lose hope. It’s true that my messages were mostly posted in small towns and villages; however, even without those signs, it was possible that someone like me, who also found themselves alone in a deserted land, could eventually come to Rome. The slimmer my chances seemed, the more I chose to rely on them and adjust my actions to this uncertain possibility.

It became necessary therefore, that for a time I should domesticate myself at Rome. It became necessary, that I should look my disaster in the face— not playing the school-boy’s part of obedience without submission; enduring life, and yet rebelling against the laws by which I lived.

It became necessary for me to settle down in Rome for a while. I needed to confront my situation head-on—not just going along with things like a schoolboy who complies without truly accepting it; living life while still resisting the rules I had to follow.

Yet how could I resign myself? Without love, without sympathy, without communion with any, how could I meet the morning sun, and with it trace its oft repeated journey to the evening shades? Why did I continue to live— why not throw off the weary weight of time, and with my own hand, let out the fluttering prisoner from my agonized breast?—It was not cowardice that withheld me; for the true fortitude was to endure; and death had a soothing sound accompanying it, that would easily entice me to enter its demesne. But this I would not do. I had, from the moment I had reasoned on the subject, instituted myself the subject to fate, and the servant of necessity, the visible laws of the invisible God—I believed that my obedience was the result of sound reasoning, pure feeling, and an exalted sense of the true excellence and nobility of my nature. Could I have seen in this empty earth, in the seasons and their change, the hand of a blind power only, most willingly would I have placed my head on the sod, and closed my eyes on its loveliness for ever. But fate had administered life to me, when the plague had already seized on its prey—she had dragged me by the hair from out the strangling waves—By such miracles she had bought me for her own; I admitted her authority, and bowed to her decrees. If, after mature consideration, such was my resolve, it was doubly necessary that I should not lose the end of life, the improvement of my faculties, and poison its flow by repinings without end. Yet how cease to repine, since there was no hand near to extract the barbed spear that had entered my heart of hearts? I stretched out my hand, and it touched none whose sensations were responsive to mine. I was girded, walled in, vaulted over, by seven-fold barriers of loneliness. Occupation alone, if I could deliver myself up to it, would be capable of affording an opiate to my sleepless sense of woe. Having determined to make Rome my abode, at least for some months, I made arrangements for my accommodation—I selected my home. The Colonna Palace was well adapted for my purpose. Its grandeur— its treasure of paintings, its magnificent halls were objects soothing and even exhilarating.

Yet how could I give up? Without love, without compassion, without any connection to others, how could I face the morning sun and follow its often repeated path to the evening shadows? Why did I keep living— why not shed the exhausting weight of time, and with my own hand, set free the fluttering captive from my tortured heart? It wasn't cowardice that held me back; true strength was in enduring. Death had a comforting appeal, easily tempting me to enter its domain. But I wouldn’t do that. From the moment I considered it, I became subject to fate and a servant of necessity, the visible laws of the invisible God—I believed that my obedience came from sound reasoning, genuine feeling, and a noble sense of my true excellence. If I could only see this empty world, in its changing seasons, as the work of a blind force, I would have gladly laid my head on the ground and closed my eyes to its beauty forever. But fate had given me life when the plague was already claiming its victims—she had pulled me from the suffocating waves by my hair—through such miracles, she had claimed me for her own; I accepted her authority and bowed to her decisions. If, after careful thought, this was my resolve, it was even more crucial that I not lose sight of the purpose of life, the enhancement of my abilities, and poison its flow with endless lamenting. Yet how do I stop lamenting, when there was no hand nearby to pull the barbed spear that had pierced my innermost heart? I reached out, and touched no one whose feelings mirrored mine. I was surrounded, enclosed, vaulted over, by seven thick walls of loneliness. Only distraction, if I could immerse myself in it, could provide a balm for my restless sense of sorrow. Having decided to make Rome my home, at least for a few months, I arranged for my accommodation—I chose my place. The Colonna Palace was well suited for my needs. Its grandeur—its collection of paintings, its magnificent halls—were comforting and even uplifting.

I found the granaries of Rome well stored with grain, and particularly with Indian corn; this product requiring less art in its preparation for food, I selected as my principal support. I now found the hardships and lawlessness of my youth turn to account. A man cannot throw off the habits of sixteen years. Since that age, it is true, I had lived luxuriously, or at least surrounded by all the conveniences civilization afforded. But before that time, I had been “as uncouth a savage, as the wolf-bred founder of old Rome”—and now, in Rome itself, robber and shepherd propensities, similar to those of its founder, were of advantage to its sole inhabitant. I spent the morning riding and shooting in the Campagna—I passed long hours in the various galleries—I gazed at each statue, and lost myself in a reverie before many a fair Madonna or beauteous nymph. I haunted the Vatican, and stood surrounded by marble forms of divine beauty. Each stone deity was possessed by sacred gladness, and the eternal fruition of love. They looked on me with unsympathizing complacency, and often in wild accents I reproached them for their supreme indifference—for they were human shapes, the human form divine was manifest in each fairest limb and lineament. The perfect moulding brought with it the idea of colour and motion; often, half in bitter mockery, half in self-delusion, I clasped their icy proportions, and, coming between Cupid and his Psyche’s lips, pressed the unconceiving marble.

I found the granaries in Rome well-stocked with grain, especially corn; since this crop required less preparation for food, I chose it as my main sustenance. I realized that the hardships and chaos of my youth were now useful. A person can’t shake off the habits formed over sixteen years. Since then, I had lived a life of luxury, or at least had all the comforts that civilization provides. But before that, I had been "as uncouth a savage, as the wolf-bred founder of old Rome"—and now, in Rome itself, traits of a robber and a shepherd, like those of its founder, were beneficial to its sole resident. I spent my mornings riding and shooting in the Campagna, spent long hours in various galleries, gazing at each statue, and getting lost in daydreams in front of many a beautiful Madonna or lovely nymph. I wandered around the Vatican, surrounded by marble figures of divine beauty. Each stone figure seemed filled with sacred happiness and the eternal joy of love. They looked at me with unfeeling indifference, and often in a fit of frustration, I scolded them for their complete lack of empathy—for they were human shapes, and the divine human form was clear in every lovely limb and feature. Their perfect shaping evoked thoughts of color and movement; often, half in bitter mockery, half in self-deception, I embraced their cold forms, and, stepping between Cupid and Psyche’s lips, pressed against the unfeeling marble.

I endeavoured to read. I visited the libraries of Rome. I selected a volume, and, choosing some sequestered, shady nook, on the banks of the Tiber, or opposite the fair temple in the Borghese Gardens, or under the old pyramid of Cestius, I endeavoured to conceal me from myself, and immerse myself in the subject traced on the pages before me. As if in the same soil you plant nightshade and a myrtle tree, they will each appropriate the mould, moisture, and air administered, for the fostering their several properties—so did my grief find sustenance, and power of existence, and growth, in what else had been divine manna, to feed radiant meditation. Ah! while I streak this paper with the tale of what my so named occupations were—while I shape the skeleton of my days—my hand trembles—my heart pants, and my brain refuses to lend expression, or phrase, or idea, by which to image forth the veil of unutterable woe that clothed these bare realities. O, worn and beating heart, may I dissect thy fibres, and tell how in each unmitigable misery, sadness dire, repinings, and despair, existed? May I record my many ravings—the wild curses I hurled at torturing nature—and how I have passed days shut out from light and food—from all except the burning hell alive in my own bosom?

I tried to read. I visited the libraries in Rome. I chose a book and, finding a quiet, shady spot along the Tiber, in front of the beautiful temple in the Borghese Gardens, or beneath the ancient pyramid of Cestius, I attempted to hide from myself and dive into the topic laid out on the pages before me. Just as nightshade and a myrtle tree planted in the same soil each take what they need from the earth, water, and air to thrive in their own ways—my grief drew strength and life from what would otherwise have been divine nourishment, feeding my radiant thoughts. Ah! As I write down the story of my so-called activities—while I outline the structure of my days—my hand shakes, my heart races, and my mind struggles to find the words, phrases, or ideas to express the overwhelming sorrow that overshadowed these bare realities. Oh, weary and pounding heart, can I break you down and reveal how in every relentless misery, deep sadness, longing, and despair, I existed? Can I record my many rants—the wild curses I shouted at the tormenting nature—and how I spent days isolated from light and food—only surrounded by the scorching hell burning within me?

I was presented, meantime, with one other occupation, the one best fitted to discipline my melancholy thoughts, which strayed backwards, over many a ruin, and through many a flowery glade, even to the mountain recess, from which in early youth I had first emerged.

I was also given another task, the one that was best suited to keep my sad thoughts in check, which wandered back over many ruins and through numerous flowery paths, all the way to the mountain hideaway from which I had first come out in my early youth.

During one of my rambles through the habitations of Rome, I found writing materials on a table in an author’s study. Parts of a manuscript lay scattered about. It contained a learned disquisition on the Italian language; one page an unfinished dedication to posterity, for whose profit the writer had sifted and selected the niceties of this harmonious language —to whose everlasting benefit he bequeathed his labours.

During one of my strolls through the neighborhoods of Rome, I came across some writing supplies on a table in an author's study. Pages of a manuscript were scattered around. It included an informative piece about the Italian language; one page was an unfinished dedication to future generations, for whose benefit the writer had sifted through and chosen the finer points of this beautiful language — to whose lasting advantage he left his work.

I also will write a book, I cried—for whom to read?—to whom dedicated? And then with silly flourish (what so capricious and childish as despair?) I wrote,

I’m also going to write a book, I cried—who will read it?—who should it be dedicated to? And then with a foolish flourish (what’s more capricious and childish than despair?) I wrote,

DEDICATION
TO THE ILLUSTRIOUS DEAD.
SHADOWS, ARISE, AND READ YOUR FALL!
BEHOLD THE HISTORY OF THE
LAST MAN.

DEDICATION
TO THE ILLUSTRIOUS DEAD.
SHADOWS, RISE UP AND WITNESS YOUR DOWNFALL!
LOOK AT THE HISTORY OF THE
LAST MAN.

Yet, will not this world be re-peopled, and the children of a saved pair of lovers, in some to me unknown and unattainable seclusion, wandering to these prodigious relics of the ante-pestilential race, seek to learn how beings so wondrous in their achievements, with imaginations infinite, and powers godlike, had departed from their home to an unknown country?

Yet, won’t this world be repopulated, and the children of a saved couple, in some unknown and unreachable seclusion, wandering among these amazing relics of the pre-plague people, trying to discover how beings so extraordinary in their accomplishments, with limitless imaginations and godlike powers, left their home for an unknown land?

I will write and leave in this most ancient city, this “world’s sole monument,” a record of these things. I will leave a monument of the existence of Verney, the Last Man. At first I thought only to speak of plague, of death, and last, of desertion; but I lingered fondly on my early years, and recorded with sacred zeal the virtues of my companions. They have been with me during the fulfilment of my task. I have brought it to an end—I lift my eyes from my paper—again they are lost to me. Again I feel that I am alone.

I will write and leave a record in this ancient city, this “world’s only monument.” I will create a memorial for Verney, the Last Man. At first, I intended to focus solely on plague, death, and ultimately, abandonment; but I found myself reminiscing about my early years and passionately documenting the virtues of my companions. They stood by me as I completed my work. Now that I’ve finished, I look up from my paper—once again, they are gone. Once more, I feel utterly alone.

A year has passed since I have been thus occupied. The seasons have made their wonted round, and decked this eternal city in a changeful robe of surpassing beauty. A year has passed; and I no longer guess at my state or my prospects—loneliness is my familiar, sorrow my inseparable companion. I have endeavoured to brave the storm—I have endeavoured to school myself to fortitude—I have sought to imbue myself with the lessons of wisdom. It will not do. My hair has become nearly grey—my voice, unused now to utter sound, comes strangely on my ears. My person, with its human powers and features, seem to me a monstrous excrescence of nature. How express in human language a woe human being until this hour never knew! How give intelligible expression to a pang none but I could ever understand!— No one has entered Rome. None will ever come. I smile bitterly at the delusion I have so long nourished, and still more, when I reflect that I have exchanged it for another as delusive, as false, but to which I now cling with the same fond trust.

A year has passed since I’ve been this way. The seasons have gone through their usual cycle, wrapping this eternal city in a beautiful, ever-changing cloak. A year has gone by; I no longer just speculate about my situation or my future—loneliness has become my constant companion, and sorrow is my inseparable friend. I’ve tried to withstand the storm—I’ve tried to teach myself to be strong—I’ve sought to absorb the lessons of wisdom. It doesn’t work. My hair has nearly turned grey—my voice, now unused to speaking, sounds strange to my ears. My body, with its human abilities and features, feels like a grotesque growth of nature. How do I express in human words a sorrow that no one has ever felt until now? How can I convey a pain that only I can understand? No one has come to Rome. No one will ever come. I bitterly smile at the illusion I’ve held on to for so long, especially when I realize I’ve traded it for another illusion, just as deceptive, but one that I now cling to with the same hopeful trust.

Winter has come again; and the gardens of Rome have lost their leaves— the sharp air comes over the Campagna, and has driven its brute inhabitants to take up their abode in the many dwellings of the deserted city—frost has suspended the gushing fountains—and Trevi has stilled her eternal music. I had made a rough calculation, aided by the stars, by which I endeavoured to ascertain the first day of the new year. In the old out-worn age, the Sovereign Pontiff was used to go in solemn pomp, and mark the renewal of the year by driving a nail in the gate of the temple of Janus. On that day I ascended St. Peter’s, and carved on its topmost stone the aera 2100, last year of the world!

Winter has come again, and the gardens of Rome have lost their leaves—the cold air sweeps across the Campagna, driving its wild inhabitants to take refuge in the many homes of the empty city—frost has stopped the flowing fountains—and Trevi has silenced her eternal music. I made a rough calculation, with the help of the stars, trying to figure out the first day of the new year. In the past, the Pope would solemnly mark the start of the year by driving a nail into the gate of the temple of Janus. On that day, I climbed St. Peter’s and carved on its highest stone the date 2100, the last year of the world!

My only companion was a dog, a shaggy fellow, half water and half shepherd’s dog, whom I found tending sheep in the Campagna. His master was dead, but nevertheless he continued fulfilling his duties in expectation of his return. If a sheep strayed from the rest, he forced it to return to the flock, and sedulously kept off every intruder. Riding in the Campagna I had come upon his sheep-walk, and for some time observed his repetition of lessons learned from man, now useless, though unforgotten. His delight was excessive when he saw me. He sprung up to my knees; he capered round and round, wagging his tail, with the short, quick bark of pleasure: he left his fold to follow me, and from that day has never neglected to watch by and attend on me, shewing boisterous gratitude whenever I caressed or talked to him. His pattering steps and mine alone were heard, when we entered the magnificent extent of nave and aisle of St. Peter’s. We ascended the myriad steps together, when on the summit I achieved my design, and in rough figures noted the date of the last year. I then turned to gaze on the country, and to take leave of Rome. I had long determined to quit it, and I now formed the plan I would adopt for my future career, after I had left this magnificent abode.

My only companion was a dog, a shaggy guy, half water dog and half shepherd, whom I found herding sheep in the countryside. His owner was dead, but he continued doing his job, hoping for his return. If a sheep wandered off, he would bring it back to the flock and kept every intruder away. While riding through the countryside, I stumbled upon his sheepwalk and watched him repeatedly apply the lessons he learned from humans, which were now useless but still remembered. His joy was immense when he saw me. He jumped up to my knees, danced around me, wagging his tail and barking excitedly. He left his flock to follow me, and from that day on, he never left my side, showing loud gratitude whenever I petted or talked to him. It was just the sound of our footsteps as we entered the grand nave and aisle of St. Peter’s. We climbed the countless steps together, and at the top, I marked down the date from the previous year in rough figures. Then, I turned to look at the countryside and take in my last moments in Rome. I had long planned to leave it, and now I started to think about my future plans after leaving this amazing place.

A solitary being is by instinct a wanderer, and that I would become. A hope of amelioration always attends on change of place, which would even lighten the burthen of my life. I had been a fool to remain in Rome all this time: Rome noted for Malaria, the famous caterer for death. But it was still possible, that, could I visit the whole extent of earth, I should find in some part of the wide extent a survivor. Methought the sea-side was the most probable retreat to be chosen by such a one. If left alone in an inland district, still they could not continue in the spot where their last hopes had been extinguished; they would journey on, like me, in search of a partner for their solitude, till the watery barrier stopped their further progress.

A lonely person is naturally a wanderer, and that's what I would become. There's always a hope for improvement that comes with changing locations, which could even lighten the burden of my life. I had been foolish to stay in Rome all this time: Rome, notorious for Malaria, a well-known source of death. But it was still possible that if I traveled the entire globe, I might find a survivor somewhere in that vast space. I thought the seaside was the most likely place for someone like that to seek refuge. If left alone in a remote area, they couldn't possibly stay where their last hopes had faded; they would keep moving, like me, in search of someone to share their solitude with until the ocean blocked their path.

To that water—cause of my woes, perhaps now to be their cure, I would betake myself. Farewell, Italy!—farewell, thou ornament of the world, matchless Rome, the retreat of the solitary one during long months!—to civilized life—to the settled home and succession of monotonous days, farewell! Peril will now be mine; and I hail her as a friend—death will perpetually cross my path, and I will meet him as a benefactor; hardship, inclement weather, and dangerous tempests will be my sworn mates. Ye spirits of storm, receive me! ye powers of destruction, open wide your arms, and clasp me for ever! if a kinder power have not decreed another end, so that after long endurance I may reap my reward, and again feel my heart beat near the heart of another like to me.

To that water—source of my troubles, maybe now to be their solution, I would go. Goodbye, Italy!—goodbye, you jewel of the world, unmatched Rome, the refuge of the lonely for many months!—to civilized life— to the stable home and cycle of boring days, goodbye! Danger will now be mine; and I welcome her as a friend—death will always come my way, and I will greet him as a benefactor; hardship, harsh weather, and dangerous storms will be my loyal companions. Spirits of the storm, welcome me! Powers of destruction, open your arms wide and hold me forever! unless a kinder fate has decided otherwise, so that after enduring for so long I may finally reap my reward and feel my heart beat close to another heart like mine.

Tiber, the road which is spread by nature’s own hand, threading her continent, was at my feet, and many a boat was tethered to the banks. I would with a few books, provisions, and my dog, embark in one of these and float down the current of the stream into the sea; and then, keeping near land, I would coast the beauteous shores and sunny promontories of the blue Mediterranean, pass Naples, along Calabria, and would dare the twin perils of Scylla and Charybdis; then, with fearless aim, (for what had I to lose?) skim ocean’s surface towards Malta and the further Cyclades. I would avoid Constantinople, the sight of whose well-known towers and inlets belonged to another state of existence from my present one; I would coast Asia Minor, and Syria, and, passing the seven-mouthed Nile, steer northward again, till losing sight of forgotten Carthage and deserted Lybia, I should reach the pillars of Hercules. And then—no matter where—the oozy caves, and soundless depths of ocean may be my dwelling, before I accomplish this long-drawn voyage, or the arrow of disease find my heart as I float singly on the weltering Mediterranean; or, in some place I touch at, I may find what I seek—a companion; or if this may not be—to endless time, decrepid and grey headed—youth already in the grave with those I love— the lone wanderer will still unfurl his sail, and clasp the tiller—and, still obeying the breezes of heaven, for ever round another and another promontory, anchoring in another and another bay, still ploughing seedless ocean, leaving behind the verdant land of native Europe, adown the tawny shore of Africa, having weathered the fierce seas of the Cape, I may moor my worn skiff in a creek, shaded by spicy groves of the odorous islands of the far Indian ocean.

The Tiber, the river that flows naturally through the continent, was right at my feet, with many boats tied to the banks. With a few books, some food, and my dog, I would set off in one of these and drift down the river into the sea; then, staying close to shore, I would follow the beautiful coastlines and sunny headlands of the blue Mediterranean, pass Naples, along Calabria, and brave the dangers of Scylla and Charybdis; then, with courage (since I had nothing to lose), I would glide across the surface of the ocean towards Malta and the distant Cyclades. I would skip Constantinople, whose familiar towers and harbors belonged to a different life from mine; I would hug the coast of Asia Minor and Syria, and after passing the seven-mouthed Nile, head north again until I lost sight of forgotten Carthage and deserted Libya, reaching the pillars of Hercules. And then—no matter where—the dark caves and silent depths of the ocean could be my home before I complete this long journey, or disease might strike my heart while I float alone on the churning Mediterranean; or, at some place I stop, I might find what I’m looking for—a companion; or if that doesn’t happen—to endless time, aging and grey—the lonely wanderer will still set his sail, grip the tiller—and, always following the winds, forever navigate around one headland after another, anchoring in one bay after another, still crossing barren seas, leaving behind the green lands of my native Europe, down the sandy shore of Africa, having weathered the fierce waters of the Cape, I might tie my worn boat in a cove, shaded by fragrant groves of the aromatic islands in the distant Indian Ocean.

These are wild dreams. Yet since, now a week ago, they came on me, as I stood on the height of St. Peter’s, they have ruled my imagination. I have chosen my boat, and laid in my scant stores. I have selected a few books; the principal are Homer and Shakespeare—But the libraries of the world are thrown open to me—and in any port I can renew my stock. I form no expectation of alteration for the better; but the monotonous present is intolerable to me. Neither hope nor joy are my pilots—restless despair and fierce desire of change lead me on. I long to grapple with danger, to be excited by fear, to have some task, however slight or voluntary, for each day’s fulfilment. I shall witness all the variety of appearance, that the elements can assume—I shall read fair augury in the rainbow— menace in the cloud—some lesson or record dear to my heart in everything. Thus around the shores of deserted earth, while the sun is high, and the moon waxes or wanes, angels, the spirits of the dead, and the ever-open eye of the Supreme, will behold the tiny bark, freighted with Verney—the LAST MAN.

These are wild dreams. Yet ever since they came to me a week ago, while I was standing on the height of St. Peter’s, they have dominated my imagination. I have chosen my boat and stocked my limited supplies. I’ve picked a few books; the main ones are Homer and Shakespeare—but the libraries of the world are open to me—and in any port, I can restock. I don't expect anything to change for the better; the dull present is unbearable for me. Neither hope nor joy directs me—restless despair and a fierce desire for change drive me forward. I long to confront danger, to be thrilled by fear, to have some task, however small or voluntary, to complete each day. I will witness all the different appearances that the elements can take—I will see good signs in the rainbow—threats in the clouds—some lesson or cherished memory in everything. Thus, around the shores of deserted earth, while the sun shines bright and the moon rises or falls, angels, the spirits of the dead, and the ever-watchful eye of the Supreme will observe the tiny boat, carrying Verney—the LAST MAN.

THE END.

THE END.


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