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COUSIN PONS
By Honore De Balzac
Translated by Ellen Marriage
COUSIN PONS
ADDENDUM
COUSIN PONS
Towards three o’clock in the afternoon of one October day in the year 1844, a man of sixty or thereabouts, whom anybody might have credited with more than his actual age, was walking along the Boulevard des Italiens with his head bent down, as if he were tracking some one. There was a smug expression about the mouth—he looked like a merchant who has just done a good stroke of business, or a bachelor emerging from a boudoir in the best of humors with himself; and in Paris this is the highest degree of self-satisfaction ever registered by a human countenance.
Towards three o’clock in the afternoon on an October day in 1844, a man around sixty years old, who looked older than he actually was, was walking along the Boulevard des Italiens with his head down, as if he were following someone. He had a smug expression on his face—he looked like a businessman who had just made a successful deal, or a bachelor coming out of a woman’s room in a great mood; in Paris, this is the peak level of self-satisfaction ever seen on a person’s face.
As soon as the elderly person appeared in the distance, a smile broke out over the faces of the frequenters of the boulevard, who daily, from their chairs, watch the passers-by, and indulge in the agreeable pastime of analyzing them. That smile is peculiar to Parisians; it says so many things—ironical, quizzical, pitying; but nothing save the rarest of human curiosities can summon that look of interest to the faces of Parisians, sated as they are with every possible sight.
As soon as the old person showed up in the distance, a smile spread across the faces of the regulars on the boulevard, who daily watch the passers-by from their chairs and enjoy the pleasant pastime of analyzing them. That smile is unique to Parisians; it conveys so many things—ironic, curious, pitying—but only the rarest of human curiosities can bring that look of interest to the faces of Parisians, who are already used to seeing everything.
A saying recorded of Hyacinthe, an actor celebrated for his repartees, will explain the archaeological value of the old gentleman, and the smile repeated like an echo by all eyes. Somebody once asked Hyacinthe where the hats were made that set the house in a roar as soon as he appeared. “I don’t have them made,” he said; “I keep them!” So also among the million actors who make up the great troupe of Paris, there are unconscious Hyacinthes who “keep” all the absurd freaks of vanished fashions upon their backs; and the apparition of some bygone decade will startle you into laughter as you walk the streets in bitterness of soul over the treason of one who was your friend in the past.
A quote about Hyacinthe, a famous actor known for his quick comebacks, highlights the historical significance of the old man and the laughter he sparked in everyone around him. One time, someone asked Hyacinthe where the hats he wore, which always made the audience laugh, came from. “I don’t have them made,” he replied; “I keep them!” Similarly, among the countless actors in the large ensemble of Paris, there are unintentional Hyacinthes who “keep” all the ridiculous styles from long-gone eras on their heads. Spotting someone from a past decade will catch you off guard and make you laugh, even as you wander the streets feeling betrayed by someone you once considered a friend.
In some respects the passer-by adhered so faithfully to the fashions of the year 1806, that he was not so much a burlesque caricature as a reproduction of the Empire period. To an observer, accuracy of detail in a revival of this sort is extremely valuable, but accuracy of detail, to be properly appreciated, demands the critical attention of an expert flaneur; while the man in the street who raises a laugh as soon as he comes in sight is bound to be one of those outrageous exhibitions which stare you in the face, as the saying goes, and produce the kind of effect which an actor tries to secure for the success of his entry. The elderly person, a thin, spare man, wore a nut-brown spencer over a coat of uncertain green, with white metal buttons. A man in a spencer in the year 1844! it was as if Napoleon himself had vouchsafed to come to life again for a couple of hours.
In some ways, the passerby stuck so closely to the styles of 1806 that he wasn't so much a silly caricature but a true representation of the Empire period. For an observer, the accuracy of detail in this kind of revival is really valuable, but to be fully appreciated, it requires the discerning eye of an expert flaneur; meanwhile, the average person who starts laughing as soon as he appears is bound to be one of those ridiculous displays that jumps out at you, as the saying goes, creating the kind of reaction an actor aims for with a strong entrance. The older man, a thin, wiry figure, wore a dark brown spencer over a coat of an unclear green, with white metal buttons. A man in a spencer in 1844! It was as if Napoleon himself had decided to come back to life for a couple of hours.
The spencer, as its name indicates, was the invention of an English lord, vain, doubtless, of his handsome shape. Some time before the Peace of Amiens, this nobleman solved the problem of covering the bust without destroying the outlines of the figure and encumbering the person with the hideous boxcoat, now finishing its career on the backs of aged hackney cabmen; but, elegant figures being in the minority, the success of the spencer was short-lived in France, English though it was.
The spencer, as its name suggests, was created by an English lord, likely proud of his good looks. Some time before the Peace of Amiens, this nobleman figured out how to cover the bust without hiding the shape of the body or weighing people down with the ugly box coat, which is now being worn by old taxi drivers; however, since elegant figures were rare, the popularity of the spencer was short-lived in France, despite its English origins.
At the sight of the spencer, men of forty or fifty mentally invested the wearer with top-boots, pistachio-colored kerseymere small clothes adorned with a knot of ribbon; and beheld themselves in the costumes of their youth. Elderly ladies thought of former conquests; but the younger men were asking each other why the aged Alcibiades had cut off the skirts of his overcoat. The rest of the costume was so much in keeping with the spencer, that you would not have hesitated to call the wearer “an Empire man,” just as you call a certain kind of furniture “Empire furniture;” yet the newcomer only symbolized the Empire for those who had known that great and magnificent epoch at any rate de visu, for a certain accuracy of memory was needed for the full appreciation of the costume, and even now the Empire is so far away that not every one of us can picture it in its Gallo-Grecian reality.
At the sight of the spencer, men in their forties or fifties mentally dressed the wearer in tall boots and pistachio-colored tailored clothing with a ribbon, seeing themselves in the outfits of their youth. Older women reminisced about past romances, while the younger men were asking each other why the old Alcibiades had chopped off the tails of his overcoat. The rest of the outfit matched the spencer so well that you wouldn’t hesitate to call the wearer “an Empire man,” just as you would label a specific style of furniture as “Empire furniture.” However, the newcomer only represented the Empire for those who had experienced that grand and splendid era at least visually, since a certain accuracy of memory was necessary to fully appreciate the outfit. Even now, the Empire feels so distant that not all of us can vividly imagine it in its Gallo-Grecian reality.
The stranger’s hat, for instance, tipped to the back of his head so as to leave almost the whole forehead bare, recalled a certain jaunty air, with which civilians and officials attempted to swagger it with military men; but the hat itself was a shocking specimen of the fifteen-franc variety. Constant friction with a pair of enormous ears had left their marks which no brush could efface from the underside of the brim; the silk tissue (as usual) fitted badly over the cardboard foundation, and hung in wrinkles here and there; and some skin-disease (apparently) had attacked the nap in spite of the hand which rubbed it down of a morning.
The stranger’s hat, for example, was tipped back on his head, exposing almost his entire forehead. It gave off a certain playful vibe that civilians and officials used to try to match the swagger of military men. However, the hat itself was a terrible example of the fifteen-franc type. Constant rubbing against a pair of huge ears had left marks on the underside of the brim that no brush could clean off. The silk fabric (as usual) didn’t fit well over the cardboard base and had wrinkles in various places. And it looked like some kind of skin issue had affected the nap, even with the daily rubbing it received in the morning.
Beneath the hat, which seemed ready to drop off at any moment, lay an expanse of countenance grotesque and droll, as the faces which the Chinese alone of all people can imagine for their quaint curiosities. The broad visage was as full of holes as a colander, honeycombed with the shadows of the dints, hollowed out like a Roman mask. It set all the laws of anatomy at defiance. Close inspection failed to detect the substructure. Where you expected to find a bone, you discovered a layer of cartilaginous tissue, and the hollows of an ordinary human face were here filled out with flabby bosses. A pair of gray eyes, red-rimmed and lashless, looked forlornly out of a countenance which was flattened something after the fashion of a pumpkin, and surmounted by a Don Quixote nose that rose out of it like a monolith above a plain. It was the kind of nose, as Cervantes must surely have explained somewhere, which denotes an inborn enthusiasm for all things great, a tendency which is apt to degenerate into credulity.
Beneath the hat, which looked like it could fall off at any moment, was a face that was both bizarre and amusing, similar to the unique creations only the Chinese can dream up for their quirky souvenirs. The wide face was as full of holes as a sieve, filled with shadows created by its indentations, and hollowed like a Roman mask. It ignored all the rules of anatomy. A closer look couldn't uncover any bone structure. Where you would typically find bone, there was just a layer of soft tissue, and the usual hollows of a human face were filled with soft, rounded bumps. A pair of gray eyes, rimmed in red and lacking lashes, gazed sadly from a face that was flattened somewhat like a pumpkin, topped with a Don Quixote nose that rose like a monument above a flat landscape. It was the kind of nose that Cervantes surely described somewhere, indicating a natural passion for all things grand, a trait that might lead to gullibility.
And yet, though the man’s ugliness was something almost ludicrous, it aroused not the slightest inclination to laugh. The exceeding melancholy which found an outlet in the poor man’s faded eyes reached the mocker himself and froze the gibes on his lips; for all at once the thought arose that this was a human creature to whom Nature had forbidden any expression of love or tenderness, since such expression could only be painful or ridiculous to the woman he loved. In the presence of such misfortune a Frenchman is silent; to him it seems the most cruel of all afflictions—to be unable to please!
And yet, even though the man’s ugliness was almost laughable, it didn’t inspire the slightest urge to laugh. The deep sadness reflected in the poor man’s tired eyes reached the person mocking him and silenced the taunts on his lips; suddenly, the realization hit that this was a human being whom Nature had forbidden to show any love or tenderness, as such feelings would only be painful or ridiculous to the woman he loved. In the face of such misfortune, a Frenchman stays quiet; to him, it seems like the cruelest of all afflictions—to be unable to please!
The man so ill-favored was dressed after the fashion of shabby gentility, a fashion which the rich not seldom try to copy. He wore low shoes beneath gaiters of the pattern worn by the Imperial Guard, doubtless for the sake of economy, because they kept the socks clean. The rusty tinge of his black breeches, like the cut and the white or shiny line of the creases, assigned the date of the purchase some three years back. The roomy garments failed to disguise the lean proportions of the wearer, due apparently rather to constitution than to a Pythagorean regimen, for the worthy man was endowed with thick lips and a sensual mouth; and when he smiled, displayed a set of white teeth which would have done credit to a shark.
The man was quite unattractive and dressed in a way that tried to imitate the style of the slightly well-off, a look that the rich sometimes attempt to copy. He wore low shoes under gaiters that resembled those of the Imperial Guard, probably for practical reasons, since they kept his socks clean. The faded color of his black pants, along with their cut and the shiny lines of his creases, suggested they had been bought about three years earlier. The loose clothing did little to hide his skinny frame, which seemed more related to his natural build than any strict diet, as the man had thick lips and a sensual mouth; when he smiled, he showed a set of white teeth that could rival a shark's.
A shawl-waistcoat, likewise of black cloth, was supplemented by a white under-waistcoat, and yet again beneath this gleamed the edge of a red knitted under-jacket, to put you in mind of Garat’s five waistcoats. A huge white muslin stock with a conspicuous bow, invented by some exquisite to charm “the charming sex” in 1809, projected so far above the wearer’s chin that the lower part of his face was lost, as it were, in a muslin abyss. A silk watch-guard, plaited to resemble the keepsakes made of hair, meandered down the shirt front and secured his watch from the improbable theft. The greenish coat, though older by some three years than the breeches, was remarkably neat; the black velvet collar and shining metal buttons, recently renewed, told of carefulness which descended even to trifles.
A black cloth shawl-waistcoat was paired with a white under-waistcoat, and beneath that flashed the edge of a red knitted under-jacket, reminiscent of Garat’s five waistcoats. A large white muslin stock with a noticeable bow, designed by some dandy to impress “the charming sex” in 1809, extended so far above the wearer’s chin that the lower part of his face seemed lost in a muslin abyss. A silk watch-guard, woven to look like hair keepsakes, snaked down the shirt front and kept his watch secure from unlikely theft. The greenish coat, although three years older than the breeches, was impeccably neat; the black velvet collar and shiny metal buttons, recently replaced, showed a level of care that extended even to the smallest details.
The particular manner of fixing the hat on the occiput, the triple waistcoat, the vast cravat engulfing the chin, the gaiters, the metal buttons on the greenish coat,—all these reminiscences of Imperial fashions were blended with a sort of afterwaft and lingering perfume of the coquetry of the Incroyable—with an indescribable finical something in the folds of the garments, a certain air of stiffness and correctness in the demeanor that smacked of the school of David, that recalled Jacob’s spindle-legged furniture.
The way the hat was positioned on the back of the head, the three-piece waistcoat, the huge cravat covering the chin, the gaiters, the metal buttons on the greenish coat—these all reflected the style of Imperial fashion mixed with a hint of lingering charm from the Incroyable. There was an unmistakable touch of sophistication in the folds of the clothing, along with a certain air of formality and precision in the person's behavior that reminded one of the school of David and brought to mind Jacob's spindle-legged furniture.
At first sight, moreover, you set him down either for the gentleman by birth fallen a victim to some degrading habit, or for the man of small independent means whose expenses are calculated to such a nicety that the breakage of a windowpane, a rent in a coat, or a visit from the philanthropic pest who asks you for subscriptions to a charity, absorbs the whole of a month’s little surplus of pocket-money. If you had seen him that afternoon, you would have wondered how that grotesque face came to be lighted up with a smile; usually, surely, it must have worn the dispirited, passive look of the obscure toiler condemned to labor without ceasing for the barest necessaries of life. Yet when you noticed that the odd-looking old man was carrying some object (evidently precious) in his right hand with a mother’s care; concealing it under the skirts of his coat to keep it from collisions in the crowd, and still more, when you remarked that important air always assumed by an idler when intrusted with a commission, you would have suspected him of recovering some piece of lost property, some modern equivalent of the marquise’s poodle; you would have recognized the assiduous gallantry of the “man of the Empire” returning in triumph from his mission to some charming woman of sixty, reluctant as yet to dispense with the daily visit of her elderly attentif.
At first glance, you might think he was either a gentleman by birth who had fallen into some demeaning habit, or a man with limited independent means whose expenses are so tightly managed that a broken windowpane, a torn coat, or a visit from a charity solicitor can wipe out his entire month's pocket money. If you had seen him that afternoon, you would have wondered how that strange face could be lit up with a smile; usually, it probably wore the defeated, passive look of a struggling worker condemned to toil endlessly for the bare essentials of life. But when you noticed that the odd-looking old man was carefully carrying something precious in his right hand, hiding it under the hem of his coat to protect it from the crowd, and even more so, when you observed that important air he took on like an idler given a task, you might have suspected he had just found some lost item, a modern-day equivalent of a lost poodle. You would have recognized the diligent charm of the “man of the Empire” returning triumphantly from his errand for some lovely sixty-year-old woman, still hesitant to give up the daily visit from her elderly companion.
In Paris only among great cities will you see such spectacles as this; for of her boulevards Paris makes a stage where a never-ending drama is played gratuitously by the French nation in the interests of Art.
In Paris, you'll only see spectacles like this in other major cities; the boulevards of Paris serve as a stage where the French nation puts on a never-ending performance for the sake of Art.
In spite of the rashly assumed spencer, you would scarcely have thought, after a glance at the contours of the man’s bony frame, that this was an artist—that conventional type which is privileged, in something of the same way as a Paris gamin, to represent riotous living to the bourgeois and philistine mind, the most mirific joviality, in short (to use the old Rabelaisian word newly taken into use). Yet this elderly person had once taken the medal and the traveling scholarship; he had composed the first cantata crowned by the Institut at the time of the re-establishment of the Academie de Rome; he was M. Sylvain Pons, in fact—M. Sylvain Pons, whose name appears on the covers of well-known sentimental songs trilled by our mothers, to say nothing of a couple of operas, played in 1815 and 1816, and divers unpublished scores. The worthy soul was now ending his days as the conductor of an orchestra in a boulevard theatre, and a music master in several young ladies’ boarding-schools, a post for which his face particularly recommended him. He was entirely dependent upon his earnings. Running about to give private lessons at his age!—Think of it. How many a mystery lies in that unromantic situation!
Despite his casually worn spencer, you would hardly think, after a glance at the contours of his bony frame, that this was an artist— a typical figure who, much like a Paris street kid, has the privilege of representing wild living to the bourgeois and narrow-minded, showcasing the most mirific joy, in short (to use the old Rabelaisian term that has made a comeback). Yet this elderly man had once won a medal and a traveling scholarship; he had composed the first cantata that was honored by the Institut at the time of the re-establishment of the Academie de Rome; he was M. Sylvain Pons—M. Sylvain Pons, whose name graced the covers of well-known sentimental songs sung by our mothers, not to mention a couple of operas performed in 1815 and 1816, as well as various unpublished scores. The kind soul was now spending his later years as the conductor of an orchestra in a boulevard theater and as a music teacher in several young ladies’ boarding schools, a job for which his appearance was particularly suited. He was completely reliant on his earnings. Chasing around to give private lessons at his age!—Just imagine. How many mysteries lie hidden in that unromantic situation!
But the last man to wear the spencer carried something about him besides his Empire Associations; a warning and a lesson was written large over that triple waistcoat. Wherever he went, he exhibited, without fee or charge, one of the many victims of the fatal system of competition which still prevails in France in spite of a century of trial without result; for Poisson de Marigny, brother of the Pompadour and Director of Fine Arts, somewhere about 1746 invented this method of applying pressure to the brain. That was a hundred years ago. Try if you can count upon your fingers the men of genius among the prizemen of those hundred years.
But the last guy to wear the spencer had something about him besides his Empire connections; there was a warning and a lesson boldly displayed on that triple waistcoat. Wherever he went, he showcased, free of charge, one of the many victims of the deadly competition system that still exists in France despite a century of fruitless attempts to change it; because Poisson de Marigny, brother of the Pompadour and Director of Fine Arts, came up with this way of putting pressure on the brain around 1746. That was a hundred years ago. See if you can count the geniuses among the prize winners from those hundred years on your fingers.
In the first place, no deliberate effort of schoolmaster or administrator can replace the miracles of chance which produce great men: of all the mysteries of generation, this most defies the ambitious modern scientific investigator. In the second—the ancient Egyptians (we are told) invented incubator-stoves for hatching eggs; what would be thought of Egyptians who should neglect to fill the beaks of the callow fledglings? Yet this is precisely what France is doing. She does her utmost to produce artists by the artificial heat of competitive examination; but, the sculptor, painter, engraver, or musician once turned out by this mechanical process, she no more troubles herself about them and their fate than the dandy cares for yesterday’s flower in his buttonhole. And so it happens that the really great man is a Greuze, a Watteau, a Felicien David, a Pagnesi, a Gericault, a Decamps, an Auber, a David d’Angers, an Eugene Delacroix, or a Meissonier—artists who take but little heed of grande prix, and spring up in the open field under the rays of that invisible sun called Vocation.
First of all, no intentional effort from a teacher or administrator can replace the wonders of chance that create great individuals; among all the mysteries of existence, this one challenges the ambitious modern scientist the most. Secondly, we are told that the ancient Egyptians invented incubator-stoves for hatching eggs; what would be said about Egyptians who ignored the needs of the newly hatched chicks? Yet this is exactly what France is doing. She goes to great lengths to produce artists through the artificial pressure of competitive exams; however, after producing a sculptor, painter, engraver, or musician through this mechanical process, she pays no more attention to them or their future than a dandy cares for yesterday's flower in his buttonhole. As a result, the truly great individuals are a Greuze, a Watteau, a Felicien David, a Pagnesi, a Gericault, a Decamps, an Auber, a David d’Angers, an Eugene Delacroix, or a Meissonier—artists who hardly concern themselves with grande prix and emerge naturally under the rays of that invisible sun known as Vocation.
To resume. The Government sent Sylvain Pons to Rome to make a great musician of himself; and in Rome Sylvain Pons acquired a taste for the antique and works of art. He became an admirable judge of those masterpieces of the brain and hand which are summed up by the useful neologism “bric-a-brac;” and when the child of Euterpe returned to Paris somewhere about the year 1810, it was in the character of a rabid collector, loaded with pictures, statuettes, frames, wood-carving, ivories, enamels, porcelains, and the like. He had sunk the greater part of his patrimony, not so much in the purchases themselves as on the expenses of transit; and every penny inherited from his mother had been spent in the course of a three-years’ travel in Italy after the residence in Rome came to an end. He had seen Venice, Milan, Florence, Bologna, and Naples leisurely, as he wished to see them, as a dreamer of dreams, and a philosopher; careless of the future, for an artist looks to his talent for support as the fille de joie counts upon her beauty.
To sum up, the government sent Sylvain Pons to Rome to become a great musician. While in Rome, Sylvain Pons developed a taste for antiques and art. He became an excellent judge of those masterpieces created by skilled hands and minds, which are collectively known as “bric-a-brac.” When the child of Euterpe returned to Paris around 1810, he came back as an avid collector, loaded with paintings, statuettes, frames, wood carvings, ivories, enamels, porcelains, and more. He had spent most of his inheritance, not just on the purchases themselves but on the shipping costs, and every penny he inherited from his mother was gone after three years of travel in Italy following his time in Rome. He had taken his time exploring Venice, Milan, Florence, Bologna, and Naples, wanting to experience them as a dreamer and philosopher; unconcerned about the future, because an artist relies on their talent for support just as a courtesan depends on her beauty.
All through those splendid years of travel Pons was as happy as was possible to a man with a great soul, a sensitive nature, and a face so ugly that any “success with the fair” (to use the stereotyped formula of 1809) was out of the question; the realities of life always fell short of the ideals which Pons created for himself; the world without was not in tune with the soul within, but Pons had made up his mind to the dissonance. Doubtless the sense of beauty that he had kept pure and living in his inmost soul was the spring from which the delicate, graceful, and ingenious music flowed and won him reputation between 1810 and 1814.
Throughout those wonderful years of travel, Pons was as happy as a person with a great spirit, a sensitive nature, and a face so unattractive that any “success with the ladies” (to use the typical phrase of 1809) was impossible; the realities of life always fell short of the ideals Pons created for himself; the outside world didn’t match the inner soul, but Pons had accepted this dissonance. Undoubtedly, the sense of beauty he had kept pure and vibrant in his innermost being was the source from which the delicate, graceful, and clever music flowed and earned him recognition between 1810 and 1814.
Every reputation founded upon the fashion or the fancy of the hour, or upon the short-lived follies of Paris, produces its Pons. No place in the world is so inexorable in great things; no city of the globe so disdainfully indulgent in small. Pons’ notes were drowned before long in floods of German harmony and the music of Rossini; and if in 1824 he was known as an agreeable musician, a composer of various drawing-room melodies, judge if he was likely to be famous in 183l! In 1844, the year in which the single drama of this obscure life began, Sylvain Pons was of no more value than an antediluvian semiquaver; dealers in music had never heard of his name, though he was still composing, on scanty pay, for his own orchestra or for neighboring theatres.
Every reputation based on the trends or whims of the moment, or on the fleeting fads of Paris, creates its Pons. No place in the world is so unforgiving in significant matters; no city on earth is so scornfully tolerant of trivial ones. Pons' notes were soon overshadowed by waves of German music and the tunes of Rossini; and if in 1824 he was known as a pleasant musician, a composer of various salon melodies, imagine how unlikely it was for him to be famous in 1831! In 1844, the year when the solitary drama of this unnoticed life began, Sylvain Pons was worth no more than a pre-flood semiquaver; music dealers had never heard of him, even though he was still composing, for minimal pay, for his own orchestra or for local theaters.
And yet, the worthy man did justice to the great masters of our day; a masterpiece finely rendered brought tears to his eyes; but his religion never bordered on mania, as in the case of Hoffmann’s Kreislers; he kept his enthusiasm to himself; his delight, like the paradise reached by opium or hashish, lay within his own soul.
And yet, the worthy man appreciated the great masters of our time; a beautifully crafted masterpiece brought tears to his eyes; but his passion for art never turned into obsession, like in Hoffmann’s Kreislers; he kept his excitement to himself; his joy, like the paradise attained through opium or hashish, resided within his own soul.
The gift of admiration, of comprehension, the single faculty by which the ordinary man becomes the brother of the poet, is rare in the city of Paris, that inn whither all ideas, like travelers, come to stay for awhile; so rare is it, that Pons surely deserves our respectful esteem. His personal failure may seem anomalous, but he frankly admitted that he was weak in harmony. He had neglected the study of counterpoint; there was a time when he might have begun his studies afresh and held his own among modern composers, when he might have been, not certainly a Rossini, but a Herold. But he was alarmed by the intricacies of modern orchestration; and at length, in the pleasures of collecting, he found such ever-renewed compensation for his failure, that if he had been made to choose between his curiosities and the fame of Rossini—will it be believed?—Pons would have pronounced for his beloved collection.
The gift of appreciation, of understanding, the one ability that allows the ordinary person to connect with the poet, is rare in the city of Paris, the place where all ideas, like travelers, come to visit for a time; it’s so rare that Pons truly deserves our respect. His personal setbacks may seem unusual, but he openly acknowledged that he struggled with harmony. He had overlooked the study of counterpoint; there was a time when he could have restarted his education and kept pace with contemporary composers, when he could have been, not exactly a Rossini, but a Herold. However, he became intimidated by the complexities of modern orchestration; eventually, in his joy of collecting, he found such a consistent relief for his shortcomings that if he had to choose between his curiosities and the fame of Rossini—can you believe it?—Pons would have chosen his cherished collection.
Pons was of the opinion of Chenavard, the print-collector, who laid it down as an axiom—that you only fully enjoy the pleasure of looking at your Ruysdael, Hobbema, Holbein, Raphael, Murillo, Greuze, Sebastian del Piombo, Giorgione, Albrecht Durer, or what not, when you have paid less than sixty francs for your picture. Pons never gave more than a hundred francs for any purchase. If he laid out as much as fifty francs, he was careful to assure himself beforehand that the object was worth three thousand. The most beautiful thing in the world, if it cost three hundred francs, did not exist for Pons. Rare had been his bargains; but he possessed the three qualifications for success—a stag’s legs, an idler’s disregard of time, and the patience of a Jew.
Pons agreed with Chenavard, the print collector, who claimed as a rule that you only truly enjoy looking at your Ruysdael, Hobbema, Holbein, Raphael, Murillo, Greuze, Sebastian del Piombo, Giorgione, Albrecht Durer, or any other renowned artist when you’ve paid less than sixty francs for your piece. Pons never spent more than a hundred francs on anything he bought. If he spent as much as fifty francs, he made sure in advance that the item was worth three thousand. The most beautiful piece in the world, if it cost three hundred francs, simply didn’t matter to Pons. His deals were rare; however, he had the three key traits for success—a stag’s legs, a laid-back attitude towards time, and the patience of a Jew.
This system, carried out for forty years, in Rome or Paris alike, had borne its fruits. Since Pons returned from Italy, he had regularly spent about two thousand francs a year upon a collection of masterpieces of every sort and description, a collection hidden away from all eyes but his own; and now his catalogue had reached the incredible number of 1907. Wandering about Paris between 1811 and 1816, he had picked up many a treasure for ten francs, which would fetch a thousand or twelve hundred to-day. Some forty-five thousand canvases change hands annually in Paris picture sales, and these Pons had sifted through year by year. Pons had Sevres porcelain, pate tendre, bought of Auvergnats, those satellites of the Black Band who sacked chateaux and carried off the marvels of Pompadour France in their tumbril carts; he had, in fact, collected the drifted wreck of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries; he recognized the genius of the French school, and discerned the merit of the Lepautres and Lavallee-Poussins and the rest of the great obscure creators of the Genre Louis Quinze and the Genre Louis Seize. Our modern craftsmen now draw without acknowledgment from them, pore incessantly over the treasures of the Cabinet des Estampes, borrow adroitly, and give out their pastiches for new inventions. Pons had obtained many a piece by exchange, and therein lies the ineffable joy of the collector. The joy of buying bric-a-brac is a secondary delight; in the give-and-take of barter lies the joy of joys. Pons had begun by collecting snuff-boxes and miniatures; his name was unknown in bric-a-bracology, for he seldom showed himself in salesrooms or in the shops of well-known dealers; Pons was not aware that his treasures had any commercial value.
This system, carried out for forty years, in both Rome and Paris, had yielded its results. Since Pons returned from Italy, he had consistently spent about two thousand francs a year on a collection of masterpieces of all kinds, a collection hidden from everyone except himself; and now his catalog had reached the astonishing number of 1907. Wandering through Paris between 1811 and 1816, he had picked up many treasures for ten francs that would sell for a thousand or twelve hundred today. Around forty-five thousand canvases change hands each year at Paris art sales, and Pons had sifted through these year after year. Pons owned Sevres porcelain, pate tendre, purchased from Auvergnats, those followers of the Black Band who looted chateaux and carted off the wonders of Pompadour-era France in their tumbril carts; he had, in fact, gathered the scattered remnants of the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries; he recognized the brilliance of the French school and appreciated the work of the Lepautres and Lavallee-Poussins and the rest of the great but lesser-known creators of the Louis Quinze and Louis Seize styles. Our modern craftsmen now draw without credit from them, endlessly studying the treasures of the Cabinet des Estampes, cleverly borrowing ideas, and passing off their pastiches as original creations. Pons had acquired many pieces through exchange, and therein lies the indescribable joy of the collector. The thrill of buying bric-a-brac is a minor pleasure; the joy of barter is the ultimate delight. Pons had started by collecting snuff-boxes and miniatures; his name was unknown in the world of bric-a-brac, as he rarely appeared in salesrooms or the shops of well-known dealers; Pons was not aware that his treasures had any commercial value.
The late lamented Dusommerard tried his best to gain Pons’ confidence, but the prince of bric-a-brac died before he could gain an entrance to the Pons museum, the one private collection which could compare with the famous Sauvageot museum. Pons and M. Sauvageot indeed resembled each other in more ways than one. M. Sauvageot, like Pons, was a musician; he was likewise a comparatively poor man, and he had collected his bric-a-brac in much the same way, with the same love of art, the same hatred of rich capitalists with well-known names who collect for the sake of running up prices as cleverly as possible. There was yet another point of resemblance between the pair; Pons, like his rival competitor and antagonist, felt in his heart an insatiable craving after specimens of the craftsman’s skill and miracles of workmanship; he loved them as a man might love a fair mistress; an auction in the salerooms in the Rue des Jeuneurs, with its accompaniments of hammer strokes and brokers’ men, was a crime of lese-bric-a-brac in Pons’ eyes. Pons’ museum was for his own delight at every hour; for the soul created to know and feel all the beauty of a masterpiece has this in common with the lover—to-day’s joy is as great as the joy of yesterday; possession never palls; and a masterpiece, happily, never grows old. So the object that he held in his hand with such fatherly care could only be a “find,” carried off with what affection amateurs alone know!
The recently departed Dusommerard tried hard to earn Pons' trust, but the prince of collectibles passed away before he could gain access to the Pons museum, the only private collection that could rival the famous Sauvageot museum. Pons and M. Sauvageot had quite a bit in common. M. Sauvageot, like Pons, was a musician; he was also relatively poor and had amassed his collectibles in much the same way, fueled by a passion for art and a disdain for wealthy capitalists who collect just to inflate prices. There was another similarity between them; Pons, like his rival, had an insatiable desire for pieces that showcased the craftsman's skill and exquisite workmanship; he cherished them as one might cherish a beautiful lover. An auction in the salerooms on Rue des Jeuneurs, complete with the sounds of the gavel and the auctioneers, was an offense against the world of collectibles in Pons' eyes. Pons’ museum was a source of personal joy at all times; for a soul meant to appreciate and feel the beauty of a masterpiece shares something with a lover—today’s joy is just as intense as yesterday's; possession never loses its appeal; and, fortunately, a masterpiece never ages. Thus, the item he held in his hand with such tender care could only be a "find," cherished with a love that only true collectors understand!
After the first outlines of this biographical sketch, every one will cry at once, “Why! this is the happiest man on earth, in spite of his ugliness!” And, in truth, no spleen, no dullness can resist the counter-irritant supplied by a “craze,” the intellectual moxa of a hobby. You who can no longer drink of “the cup of pleasure,” as it has been called through all ages, try to collect something, no matter what (people have been known to collect placards), so shall you receive the small change for the gold ingot of happiness. Have you a hobby? You have transferred pleasure to the plane of ideas. And yet, you need not envy the worthy Pons; such envy, like all kindred sentiments, would be founded upon a misapprehension.
After the initial outlines of this biographical sketch, everyone will exclaim, “Wow! This is the happiest man on Earth, despite his looks!” And honestly, no negativity or boredom can withstand the energizing effect of a “craze,” the intellectual boost of a hobby. If you can no longer enjoy “the cup of pleasure,” as it has been referred to throughout history, try collecting something, no matter what it is (people have been known to collect posters), and you will gain some small joy as a substitute for the true happiness. Do you have a hobby? You’ve shifted pleasure to the realm of ideas. And you don’t need to envy the admirable Pons; such envy, like all similar feelings, would be based on a misunderstanding.
With a nature so sensitive, with a soul that lived by tireless admiration of the magnificent achievements of art, of the high rivalry between human toil and the work of Nature—Pons was a slave to that one of the Seven Deadly Sins with which God surely will deal least hardly; Pons was a glutton. A narrow income, combined with a passion for bric-a-brac, condemned him to a regimen so abhorrent to a discriminating palate, that, bachelor as he was, he had cut the knot of the problem by dining out every day.
With a sensitive nature and a soul that thrived on the endless appreciation of the incredible achievements of art and the intense competition between human effort and Nature's creations—Pons was a victim of that one of the Seven Deadly Sins that God probably punishes the least; Pons was a glutton. A limited income, combined with a love for knickknacks, forced him into a routine so distasteful to a refined palate that, being a bachelor, he solved the issue by eating out every day.
Now, in the time of the Empire, celebrities were more sought after than at present, perhaps because there were so few of them, perhaps because they made little or no political pretension. In those days, besides, you could set up for a poet, a musician, or a painter, with so little expense. Pons, being regarded as the probable rival of Nicolo, Paer, and Berton, used to receive so many invitations, that he was forced to keep a list of engagements, much as barristers note down the cases for which they are retained. And Pons behaved like an artist. He presented his amphitryons with copies of his songs, he “obliged” at the pianoforte, he brought them orders for boxes at the Feydeau, his own theatre, he organized concerts, he was not above taking the fiddle himself sometimes in a relation’s house, and getting up a little impromptu dance. In those days, all the handsome men in France were away at the wars exchanging sabre-cuts with the handsome men of the Coalition. Pons was said to be, not ugly, but “peculiar-looking,” after the grand rule laid down by Moliere in Eliante’s famous couplets; but if he sometimes heard himself described as a “charming man” (after he had done some fair lady a service), his good fortune went no further than words.
Now, during the time of the Empire, celebrities were more in demand than they are today, perhaps because there were so few of them and maybe because they didn’t pretend to be political figures. Back then, it was also easy to establish yourself as a poet, musician, or painter with very little cost. Pons, seen as a potential rival to Nicolo, Paer, and Berton, received so many invitations that he had to keep a list of his engagements, much like lawyers track their cases. Pons acted like an artist. He would give his hosts copies of his songs, he played the piano for them, he got them tickets for performances at the Feydeau, his own theater, he organized concerts, and he didn't mind occasionally picking up the violin at a relative's house to create a little impromptu dance. During that time, all the good-looking men in France were off at war, trading sword blows with the attractive men of the Coalition. Pons was said to be not ugly, but “kind of unique-looking,” as defined by Molière in Éliante’s famous lines; but if he sometimes heard someone call him a “charming man” after helping a lovely lady, his good luck didn’t extend beyond words.
It was between the years 1810 and 1816 that Pons contracted the unlucky habit of dining out; he grew accustomed to see his hosts taking pains over the dinner, procuring the first and best of everything, bringing out their choicest vintages, seeing carefully to the dessert, the coffee, the liqueurs, giving him of their best, in short; the best, moreover, of those times of the Empire when Paris was glutted with kings and queens and princes, and many a private house emulated royal splendours.
It was between 1810 and 1816 that Pons picked up the unfortunate habit of dining out; he got used to seeing his hosts going to great lengths for dinner, getting the finest ingredients and drinks, paying close attention to the dessert, coffee, and liqueurs, and offering him their best. In short, he experienced the best of those Empire times when Paris was overflowing with kings, queens, and princes, and many private homes tried to match royal luxury.
People used to play at Royalty then as they play nowadays at parliament, creating a whole host of societies with presidents, vice-presidents, secretaries and what not—agricultural societies, industrial societies, societies for the promotion of sericulture, viticulture, the growth of flax, and so forth. Some have even gone so far as to look about them for social evils in order to start a society to cure them.
People used to play at being royalty back then just like they do now in parliament, creating a whole bunch of societies with presidents, vice presidents, secretaries, and so on—agricultural societies, industrial societies, societies focused on promoting silk production, winemaking, flax growing, and so forth. Some have even gone so far as to search for social issues around them to start a society aimed at solving them.
But to return to Pons. A stomach thus educated is sure to react upon the owner’s moral fibre; the demoralization of the man varies directly with his progress in culinary sapience. Voluptuousness, lurking in every secret recess of the heart, lays down the law therein. Honor and resolution are battered in breach. The tyranny of the palate has never been described; as a necessity of life it escapes the criticism of literature; yet no one imagines how many have been ruined by the table. The luxury of the table is indeed, in this sense, the courtesan’s one competitor in Paris, besides representing in a manner the credit side in another account, where she figures as the expenditure.
But back to Pons. A stomach that's well-trained definitely influences the owner's moral character; the more skilled someone gets in cooking, the more they tend to become demoralized. Indulgence, hidden in every corner of the heart, calls the shots. Honor and determination are weakened. The power of the appetite has never been fully explored; because it's essential for survival, it often goes unexamined in literature; yet, few realize how many lives have been ruined by food. In this way, the luxury of dining in Paris really competes with courtesans, as it also represents a credit in a different sort of account, while she stands for the expenses.
With Pons’ decline and fall as an artist came his simultaneous transformation from invited guest to parasite and hanger-on; he could not bring himself to quit dinners so excellently served for the Spartan broth of a two-franc ordinary. Alas! alas! a shudder ran through him at the mere thought of the great sacrifices which independence required him to make. He felt that he was capable of sinking to even lower depths for the sake of good living, if there were no other way of enjoying the first and best of everything, of guzzling (vulgar but expressive word) nice little dishes carefully prepared. Pons lived like a bird, pilfering his meal, flying away when he had taken his fill, singing a few notes by way of return; he took a certain pleasure in the thought that he lived at the expense of society, which asked of him—what but the trifling toll of grimaces? Like all confirmed bachelors, who hold their lodgings in horror, and live as much as possible in other people’s houses, Pons was accustomed to the formulas and facial contortions which do duty for feeling in the world; he used compliments as small change; and as far as others were concerned, he was satisfied with the labels they bore, and never plunged a too-curious hand into the sack.
With Pons' decline and fall as an artist came his shift from invited guest to a parasite and hanger-on; he just couldn't bring himself to leave those elegantly served dinners for the boring broth of a two-franc café. Oh, what a shudder ran through him at the mere thought of the huge sacrifices that independence would demand. He realized he was willing to sink to even lower levels just to enjoy good food if that was the only way to get the best of everything, to devour (a bit crass but fitting) delicious dishes that were lovingly prepared. Pons lived like a bird, stealing his meals, flying away after he’d eaten his fill, and singing a few notes in thanks; he took some pleasure in the idea that he was living off society, which asked of him—what? Just the small price of forced smiles? Like all confirmed bachelors who dread having their own places and prefer to spend as much time as possible in other people's homes, Pons was used to the empty gestures and facial antics that passed for genuine emotion in the world; he treated compliments like pocket change; and as far as others were concerned, he was fine with the labels they wore, never probing too deeply or asking too many questions.
This not intolerable phase lasted for another ten years. Such years! Pons’ life was closing with a rainy autumn. All through those years he contrived to dine without expense by making himself necessary in the houses which he frequented. He took the first step in the downward path by undertaking a host of small commissions; many and many a time Pons ran on errands instead of the porter or the servant; many a purchase he made for his entertainers. He became a kind of harmless, well-meaning spy, sent by one family into another; but he gained no credit with those for whom he trudged about, and so often sacrificed self-respect.
This not unbearable phase lasted for another ten years. What a decade it was! Pons’ life was winding down with a gloomy autumn. Throughout those years, he managed to have dinner for free by making himself useful in the homes he visited. He started down the wrong path by taking on a lot of small tasks; many times, Pons ran errands instead of the porter or the servant; he made many purchases for his hosts. He became a sort of harmless, well-meaning snoop, sent by one family to another; but he gained no respect from those he helped, and he often sacrificed his self-respect.
“Pons is a bachelor,” said they; “he is at a loss to know what to do with his time; he is only too glad to trot about for us.—What else would he do?”
“Pons is single,” they said; “he doesn’t know how to spend his time; he’s more than happy to run errands for us.—What else would he do?”
Very soon the cold which old age spreads about itself began to set in; the communicable cold which sensibly lowers the social temperature, especially if the old man is ugly and poor. Old and ugly and poor—is not this to be thrice old? Pons’ winter had begun, the winter which brings the reddened nose, and frost-nipped cheeks, and the numbed fingers, numb in how many ways!
Very soon, the chill that comes with old age started to take hold; the kind of cold that noticeably lowers the social atmosphere, especially if the old man is unattractive and broke. Old, unattractive, and broke—doesn’t that mean he’s old in every sense? Pons’ winter had begun, the winter that brings a red nose, frostbitten cheeks, and numb fingers, numb in so many ways!
Invitations very seldom came for Pons now. So far from seeking the society of the parasite, every family accepted him much as they accepted the taxes; they valued nothing that Pons could do for them; real services from Pons counted for nought. The family circles in which the worthy artist revolved had no respect for art or letters; they went down on their knees to practical results; they valued nothing but the fortune or social position acquired since the year 1830. The bourgeoisie is afraid of intellect and genius, but Pons’ spirit and manner were not haughty enough to overawe his relations, and naturally he had come at last to be accounted less than nothing with them, though he was not altogether despised.
Invitations rarely came for Pons now. Instead of seeking the company of those who benefited from him, every family treated him much like they did their taxes; they didn’t appreciate anything Pons could offer them; his genuine contributions meant nothing. The social circles around this talented artist had no regard for art or literature; they only cared about tangible outcomes; they valued only the wealth or social status gained since 1830. The middle class fears intellect and talent, but Pons’ spirit and demeanor weren’t arrogant enough to intimidate his relatives, and as a result, he had come to be seen as less than nothing to them, even though he wasn't completely disrespected.
He had suffered acutely among them, but, like all timid creatures, he kept silence as to his pain; and so by degrees schooled himself to hide his feelings, and learned to take sanctuary in his inmost self. Many superficial persons interpret this conduct by the short word “selfishness;” and, indeed, the resemblance between the egoist and the solitary human creature is strong enough to seem to justify the harsher verdict; and this is especially true in Paris, where nobody observes others closely, where all things pass swift as waves, and last as little as a Ministry.
He had suffered greatly among them, but, like all shy people, he stayed quiet about his pain; and gradually, he taught himself to hide his feelings and found comfort in his innermost self. Many shallow people see this behavior as simply "selfishness;" and indeed, the similarity between an egotist and a solitary person is strong enough to seem to support this harsher judgment; this is especially true in Paris, where no one pays much attention to others, where everything moves quickly like waves, and lasts as briefly as a government.
So Cousin Pons was accused of selfishness (behind his back); and if the world accuses any one, it usually finds him guilty and condemns him into the bargain. Pons bowed to the decision. Do any of us know how such a timid creature is cast down by an unjust judgment? Who will ever paint all that the timid suffer? This state of things, now growing daily worse, explains the sad expression on the poor old musician’s face; he lived by capitulations of which he was ashamed. Every time we sin against self-respect at the bidding of the ruling passion, we rivet its hold upon us; the more that passion requires of us, the stronger it grows, every sacrifice increasing, as it were, the value of a satisfaction for which so much has been given up, till the negative sum-total of renouncements looms very large in a man’s imagination. Pons, for instance, after enduring the insolently patronizing looks of some bourgeois, incased in buckram of stupidity, sipped his glass of port or finished his quail with breadcrumbs, and relished something of the savor of revenge, besides. “It is not too dear at the price!” he said to himself.
So Cousin Pons was accused of being selfish (behind his back); and if the world accuses someone, it usually decides they’re guilty and punishes them for it. Pons accepted this judgment. Do any of us really understand how much a timid person suffers from an unfair judgment? Who can truly capture all that the timid go through? This situation, which was only getting worse, explains the sad look on the poor old musician’s face; he lived by making compromises that he was ashamed of. Every time we betray our self-respect to satisfy our strongest desires, we tighten that desire's grip on us; the more it demands, the stronger it gets, and every sacrifice seems to enhance the value of the satisfaction for which so much has been lost, until the overall toll of what we've given up becomes overwhelmingly significant in a person’s mind. Pons, for example, after putting up with the smug looks from some middle-class people, wrapped in their own ignorance, sipped his glass of port or finished his quail with breadcrumbs, secretly enjoying a bit of revenge too. “It’s not too expensive at this cost!” he told himself.
After all, in the eyes of the moralist, there were extenuating circumstances in Pons’ case. Man only lives, in fact, by some personal satisfaction. The passionless, perfectly righteous man is not human; he is a monster, an angel wanting wings. The angel of Christian mythology has nothing but a head. On earth, the righteous person is the sufficiently tiresome Grandison, for whom the very Venus of the Crosswords is sexless.
After all, from the moralist's perspective, there were mitigating factors in Pons’ situation. People only truly live through some personal satisfaction. A passionless, perfectly righteous person isn’t human; they’re a monster, like an angel wishing for wings. The angel in Christian mythology is just a head. In reality, the righteous person is the annoyingly perfect Grandison, for whom the very Venus of the Crosswords is devoid of sexuality.
Setting aside one or two commonplace adventures in Italy, in which probably the climate accounted for his success, no woman had ever smiled upon Pons. Plenty of men are doomed to this fate. Pons was an abnormal birth; the child of parents well stricken in years, he bore the stigma of his untimely genesis; his cadaverous complexion might have been contracted in the flask of spirit-of-wine in which science preserves some extraordinary foetus. Artist though he was, with his tender, dreamy, sensitive soul, he was forced to accept the character which belonged to his face; it was hopeless to think of love, and he remained a bachelor, not so much of choice as of necessity. Then Gluttony, the sin of the continent monk, beckoned to Pons; he rushed upon temptation, as he had thrown his whole soul into the adoration of art and the cult of music. Good cheer and bric-a-brac gave him the small change for the love which could spend itself in no other way. As for music, it was his profession, and where will you find the man who is in love with his means of earning a livelihood? For it is with a profession as with marriage: in the long length you are sensible of nothing but the drawbacks.
Setting aside one or two ordinary adventures in Italy, where his success was probably due to the climate, no woman had ever shown affection for Pons. Many men are faced with this fate. Pons was an unusual case; born to parents who were quite old, he carried the mark of his premature arrival; his ghastly complexion seemed like it was preserved in a flask of spirit-of-wine, like some remarkable fetus. Although he was an artist with a gentle, dreamy, sensitive soul, he had to accept the persona that his face projected; thinking about love was futile, and he remained a bachelor, not by choice but by necessity. Then Gluttony, the sin of the continent monk, tempted Pons; he dived into indulgence, just as he had devoted his whole being to the admiration of art and the love of music. Good food and quirky collectibles were his substitutes for love, which he could express in no other way. As for music, it was his career, and where will you find a man who loves his job? Because, like with marriage, over time, all you notice are the downsides.
Brillat-Savarin has deliberately set himself to justify the gastronome, but perhaps even he has not dwelt sufficiently on the reality of the pleasures of the table. The demands of digestion upon the human economy produce an internal wrestling-bout of human forces which rivals the highest degree of amorous pleasure. The gastronome is conscious of an expenditure of vital power, an expenditure so vast that the brain is atrophied (as it were), that a second brain, located in the diaphragm, may come into play, and the suspension of all the faculties is in itself a kind of intoxication. A boa constrictor gorged with an ox is so stupid with excess that the creature is easily killed. What man, on the wrong side of forty, is rash enough to work after dinner? And remark in the same connection, that all great men have been moderate eaters. The exhilarating effect of the wing of a chicken upon invalids recovering from serious illness, and long confined to a stinted and carefully chosen diet, has been frequently remarked. The sober Pons, whose whole enjoyment was concentrated in the exercise of his digestive organs, was in the position of chronic convalescence; he looked to his dinner to give him the utmost degree of pleasurable sensation, and hitherto he had procured such sensations daily. Who dares to bid farewell to old habit? Many a man on the brink of suicide has been plucked back on the threshold of death by the thought of the cafe where he plays his nightly game of dominoes.
Brillat-Savarin has intentionally set out to validate the gourmet, but maybe he hasn’t fully addressed the genuine joys of dining. The demands of digestion on the human body create an internal struggle of forces that can rival the peak of romantic pleasure. The gourmet is aware of a significant expenditure of life force, so much so that the brain feels almost drained, as if a second brain in the diaphragm takes over, and the temporary suspension of all faculties feels like intoxication. A boa constrictor that has overeaten even a whole ox becomes so dull from excess that it can be easily killed. What man, past the age of forty, is foolish enough to work after dinner? It's worth noting that all great men have been moderate eaters. The stimulating effect of chicken wings on patients recovering from serious illness, who have been limited to a carefully selected diet, has been frequently observed. The sober Pons, who found all his pleasure in the functioning of his digestive system, lived in a state of chronic recovery; he relied on dinner to provide the highest level of pleasure, and up until now, he had enjoyed those sensations daily. Who has the courage to let go of old habits? Many a man, on the edge of despair, has been pulled back from the brink of death by the thought of the café where he plays his nightly game of dominoes.
In the year 1835, chance avenged Pons for the indifference of womankind by finding him a prop for his declining years, as the saying goes; and he, who had been old from his cradle, found a support in friendship. Pons took to himself the only life-partner permitted to him among his kind—an old man and a fellow-musician.
In 1835, fate took revenge on Pons for the indifference of women by bringing him a companion for his later years, as the saying goes. He, who had felt old since childhood, found support in friendship. Pons chose the only life partner allowed to him among his peers—an elderly man and fellow musician.
But for La Fontaine’s fable, Les Deux Amis, this sketch should have borne the title of The Two Friends; but to take the name of this divine story would surely be a deed of violence, a profanation from which every true man of letters would shrink. The title ought to be borne alone and for ever by the fabulist’s masterpiece, the revelation of his soul, and the record of his dreams; those three words were set once and for ever by the poet at the head of a page which is his by a sacred right of ownership; for it is a shrine before which all generations, all over the world, will kneel so long as the art of printing shall endure.
But for La Fontaine’s fable, Les Deux Amis, this sketch should have been titled The Two Friends; however, to use the name of this divine story would certainly be an act of violence, a desecration that every true writer would avoid. The title should belong exclusively and forever to the fabulist’s masterpiece, the expression of his soul, and the record of his dreams; those three words were established once and for all by the poet at the top of a page that is rightfully his; for it is a shrine where all generations around the world will pay homage as long as the art of printing exists.
Pons’ friend gave lessons on the pianoforte. They met and struck up an acquaintance in 1834, one prize day at a boarding-school; and so congenial were their ways of thinking and living, that Pons used to say that he had found his friend too late for his happiness. Never, perhaps, did two souls, so much alike, find each other in the great ocean of humanity which flowed forth, in disobedience to the will of God, from its source in the Garden of Eden. Before very long the two musicians could not live without each other. Confidences were exchanged, and in a week’s time they were like brothers. Schmucke (for that was his name) had not believed that such a man as Pons existed, nor had Pons imagined that a Schmucke was possible. Here already you have a sufficient description of the good couple; but it is not every mind that takes kindly to the concise synthetic method, and a certain amount of demonstration is necessary if the credulous are to accept the conclusion.
Pons’ friend gave piano lessons. They met and became friends in 1834, one prize day at a boarding school; their ways of thinking and living were so similar that Pons often said he had found his friend too late for his happiness. Never, perhaps, did two souls so alike find each other in the vast ocean of humanity that flowed, against God's will, from its source in the Garden of Eden. Before long, the two musicians couldn’t imagine life without each other. They shared secrets, and within a week, they were like brothers. Schmucke (that was his name) never thought someone like Pons existed, nor did Pons believe someone like Schmucke was possible. Here you already have a fair description of the good pair; however, not every mind appreciates a straightforward approach, and some explanation is needed for the more gullible to accept the conclusion.
This pianist, like all other pianists, was a German. A German, like the eminent Liszt and the great Mendelssohn, and Steibelt, and Dussek, and Meyer, and Mozart, and Doelher, and Thalberg, and Dreschok, and Hiller, and Leopold Hertz, Woertz, Karr, Wolff, Pixis, and Clara Wieck—and all Germans, generally speaking. Schmucke was a great musical composer doomed to remain a music master, so utterly did his character lack the audacity which a musical genius needs if he is to push his way to the front. A German’s naivete does not invariably last him through his life; in some cases it fails after a certain age; and even as a cultivator of the soil brings water from afar by means of irrigation channels, so, from the springs of his youth, does the Teuton draw the simplicity which disarms suspicion—the perennial supplies with which he fertilizes his labors in every field of science, art, or commerce. A crafty Frenchman here and there will turn a Parisian tradesman’s stupidity to good account in the same way. But Schmucke had kept his child’s simplicity much as Pons continued to wear his relics of the Empire—all unsuspectingly. The true and noble-hearted German was at once the theatre and the audience, making music within himself for himself alone. In this city of Paris he lived as a nightingale lives among the thickets; and for twenty years he sang on, mateless, till he met with a second self in Pons. [See Une Fille d’Eve.]
This pianist, like all other pianists, was German. A German, like the famous Liszt and the great Mendelssohn, as well as Steibelt, Dussek, Meyer, Mozart, Doelher, Thalberg, Dreschok, Hiller, Leopold Hertz, Woertz, Karr, Wolff, Pixis, and Clara Wieck—and generally all Germans. Schmucke was a talented composer, destined to remain a music teacher, as he completely lacked the boldness that a musical genius needs to succeed. A German's naivety doesn’t always last throughout life; in some cases, it diminishes after a certain age; and just as a farmer channels water from afar through irrigation, the Teuton draws upon the simplicity of his youth, which disarms suspicion—the endless resources with which he enriches his work in every area of science, art, or business. A cunning Frenchman might exploit a Parisian's foolishness in the same way. But Schmucke retained his childlike innocence just as Pons continued to wear his relics from the Empire—totally unaware. The true and noble-hearted German was both the performer and the audience, creating music within himself for himself alone. In this city of Paris, he lived like a nightingale among the bushes; and for twenty years he sang on, alone, until he met his other half in Pons. [See Une Fille d’Eve.]
Both Pons and Schmucke were abundantly given, both by heart and disposition, to the peculiarly German sentimentality which shows itself alike in childlike ways—in a passion for flowers, in that form of nature-worship which prompts a German to plant his garden-beds with big glass globes for the sake of seeing miniature pictures of the view which he can behold about him of a natural size; in the inquiring turn of mind that sets a learned Teuton trudging three hundred miles in his gaiters in search of a fact which smiles up in his face from a wayside spring, or lurks laughing under the jessamine leaves in the back-yard; or (to take a final instance) in the German craving to endow every least detail in creation with a spiritual significance, a craving which produces sometimes Hoffmann’s tipsiness in type, sometimes the folios with which Germany hedges the simplest questions round about, lest haply any fool should fall into her intellectual excavations; and, indeed, if you fathom these abysses, you find nothing but a German at the bottom.
Both Pons and Schmucke were deeply inclined, both in heart and personality, to the uniquely German sentimentality that manifests in childlike ways—like a passion for flowers, a form of nature-worship that drives Germans to plant their gardens with large glass globes just to see miniature versions of their surroundings; in the curious mentality that has a scholarly German trekking three hundred miles in their boots looking for a fact that smiles back at them from a roadside spring or hides playfully beneath the jasmine leaves in the backyard; or (to give one last example) in the German desire to give every little detail in existence a spiritual meaning, a longing that sometimes results in Hoffmann’s whimsical writing and other times leads to the volumes of German literature that surround the simplest questions, just to ensure that no one foolishly stumbles into her intellectual depths; and, in fact, if you explore these depths, you’ll find nothing but a German at the bottom.
Both friends were Catholics. They went to Mass and performed the duties of religion together; and, like children, found nothing to tell their confessors. It was their firm belief that music is to feeling and thought as thought and feeling are to speech; and of their converse on this system there was no end. Each made response to the other in orgies of sound, demonstrating their convictions, each for each, like lovers.
Both friends were Catholics. They went to Mass and participated in religious duties together, and like children, they had nothing to confess. They firmly believed that music relates to feeling and thought just as thought and feeling relate to speech; and their discussions on this idea were endless. Each responded to the other in extravagant musical exchanges, expressing their beliefs for one another, like lovers.
Schmucke was as absent-minded as Pons was wide-awake. Pons was a collector, Schmucke a dreamer of dreams; Schmucke was a student of beauty seen by the soul, Pons a preserver of material beauty. Pons would catch sight of a china cup and buy it in the time that Schmucke took to blow his nose, wondering the while within himself whether the musical phrase that was ringing in his brain—the motif from Rossini or Bellini or Beethoven or Mozart—had its origin or its counterpart in the world of human thought and emotion. Schmucke’s economies were controlled by an absent mind, Pons was a spendthrift through passion, and for both the result was the same—they had not a penny on Saint Sylvester’s day.
Schmucke was as forgetful as Pons was alert. Pons was a collector, while Schmucke was a dreamer; Schmucke saw beauty through the soul, and Pons was focused on preserving material beauty. Pons would spot a china cup and buy it in the time it took Schmucke to blow his nose, all the while wondering whether the musical phrase ringing in his head—the motif from Rossini, Bellini, Beethoven, or Mozart—had its roots or counterpart in human thought and emotion. Schmucke's savings were governed by his absent-mindedness, while Pons spent freely out of passion, and for both of them, the outcome was the same—they were broke on New Year's Eve.
Perhaps Pons would have given way under his troubles if it had not been for this friendship; but life became bearable when he found some one to whom he could pour out his heart. The first time that he breathed a word of his difficulties, the good German had advised him to live as he himself did, and eat bread and cheese at home sooner than dine abroad at such a cost. Alas! Pons did not dare to confess that heart and stomach were at war within him, that he could digest affronts which pained his heart, and, cost what it might, a good dinner that satisfied his palate was a necessity to him, even as your gay Lothario must have a mistress to tease.
Perhaps Pons would have cracked under the weight of his troubles if it weren’t for this friendship; life became manageable when he found someone to whom he could share his feelings. The first time he mentioned his struggles, the kind German advised him to live like he did, opting for bread and cheese at home instead of dining out at such a high price. Unfortunately, Pons didn’t feel he could admit that his heart and stomach were at odds, that he could handle insults that hurt his feelings, and that, no matter the cost, a nice meal that satisfied his taste was essential to him, just like a carefree player must have a lover to play with.
In time Schmucke understood; not just at once, for he was too much of a Teuton to possess that gift of swift perception in which the French rejoice; Schmucke understood and loved poor Pons the better. Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other. An angel could not have found a word to say to Schmucke rubbing his hands over the discovery of the hold that gluttony had gained over Pons. Indeed, the good German adorned their breakfast-table next morning with delicacies of which he went in search himself; and every day he was careful to provide something new for his friend, for they always breakfasted together at home.
In time, Schmucke understood; not right away, because he was too much of a German to have that quick perception the French take pride in; Schmucke came to understand and loved poor Pons even more. Nothing strengthens a friendship like one friend believing they are better than the other. Even an angel couldn’t have found the words to express Schmucke’s delight over realizing the grip that gluttony had on Pons. In fact, the kind German filled their breakfast table the next morning with treats that he went out to find himself; and every day he made sure to bring something new for his friend, since they always had breakfast together at home.
If any one imagines that the pair could not escape ridicule in Paris, where nothing is respected, he cannot know that city. When Schmucke and Pons united their riches and poverty, they hit upon the economical expedient of lodging together, each paying half the rent of the very unequally divided second-floor of a house in the Rue de Normandie in the Marais. And as it often happened that they left home together and walked side by side along their beat of boulevard, the idlers of the quarter dubbed them “the pair of nutcrackers,” a nickname which makes any portrait of Schmucke quite superfluous, for he was to Pons as the famous statue of the Nurse of Niobe in the Vatican is to the Tribune Venus.
If anyone thinks that the duo could avoid mockery in Paris, where nothing is held sacred, they clearly don’t understand the city. When Schmucke and Pons combined their wealth and their struggles, they decided to save money by living together, each paying half the rent for the unevenly split second floor of a building on Rue de Normandie in the Marais. Since they often left home together and strolled side by side along their usual route on the boulevard, the locals nicknamed them “the pair of nutcrackers,” a nickname that makes any description of Schmucke unnecessary, as he was to Pons what the famous statue of the Nurse of Niobe in the Vatican is to the Tribune Venus.
Mme. Cibot, portress of the house in the Rue de Normandie, was the pivot on which the domestic life of the nutcrackers turned; but Mme. Cibot plays so large a part in the drama which grew out of their double existence, that it will be more appropriate to give her portrait on her first appearance in this Scene of Parisian Life.
Mme. Cibot, the janitor of the house on Rue de Normandie, was the center of the domestic life of the nutcrackers; however, since Mme. Cibot plays such a significant role in the drama that arose from their dual existence, it makes more sense to showcase her character when she first appears in this Scene of Parisian Life.
One thing remains to be said of the characters of the pair of friends; but this one thing is precisely the hardest to make clear to ninety-nine readers out of a hundred in this forty-seventh year of the nineteenth century, perhaps by reason of the prodigious financial development brought about by the railway system. It is a little thing, and yet it is so much. It is a question, in fact, of giving an idea of the extreme sensitiveness of their natures. Let us borrow an illustration from the railways, if only by way of retaliation, as it were, for the loans which they levy upon us. The railway train of to-day, tearing over the metals, grinds away fine particles of dust, grains so minute that a traveler cannot detect them with the eye; but let a single one of those invisible motes find its way into the kidneys, it will bring about that most excruciating, and sometimes fatal, disease known as gravel. And our society, rushing like a locomotive along its metaled track, is heedless of the all but imperceptible dust made by the grinding of the wheels; but it was otherwise with the two musicians; the invisible grains of sand sank perpetually into the very fibres of their being, causing them intolerable anguish of heart. Tender exceedingly to the pain of others, they wept for their own powerlessness to help; and their own susceptibilities were almost morbidly acute. Neither age nor the continual spectacle of the drama of Paris life had hardened two souls still young and childlike and pure; the longer they lived, indeed, the more keenly they felt their inward suffering; for so it is, alas! with natures unsullied by the world, with the quiet thinker, and with such poets among the poets as have never fallen into any excess.
One thing is left to say about the two friends; however, this one thing is the hardest to communicate to ninety-nine readers out of a hundred in this year of 1867, likely due to the immense financial growth brought about by the railway system. It’s a small point, yet it holds a lot of weight. It really comes down to understanding the extreme sensitivity of their natures. Let's use an example from the railways, as a sort of payback for the burdens they impose on us. Today's railway train speeds over the tracks, grinding away tiny particles of dust, grains so small that a traveler can't see them; but if just one of those invisible specks gets into the kidneys, it can lead to the intensely painful and sometimes fatal condition known as gravel. Our society, like a speeding locomotive on its tracks, ignores the almost invisible dust produced by the grinding wheels. But this was not the case for the two musicians; the unseen grains of sand continually penetrated the very core of their being, causing them unbearable emotional pain. Exceptionally compassionate towards the suffering of others, they cried over their inability to help; and their own sensitivities were almost unnaturally intense. Neither age nor the constant display of the dramatic Parisian life had hardened these two souls, still young, innocent, and pure; in fact, the longer they lived, the more they felt their inner anguish; for, alas, that’s how it is with untainted natures, with quiet thinkers, and with poets among poets who have never succumbed to excess.
Since the old men began housekeeping together, the day’s routine was very nearly the same for them both. They worked together in harness in the fraternal fashion of the Paris cab-horse; rising every morning, summer and winter, at seven o’clock, and setting out after breakfast to give music lessons in the boarding-schools, in which, upon occasion, they would take lessons for each other. Towards noon Pons repaired to his theatre, if there was a rehearsal on hand; but all his spare moments were spent in sauntering on the boulevards. Night found both of them in the orchestra at the theatre, for Pons had found a place for Schmucke, and upon this wise.
Since the old men started living together, their daily routine was almost the same. They worked together like a team, similar to the way cab horses in Paris do. Every morning, summer and winter, they got up at seven o’clock and headed out after breakfast to give music lessons at the boarding schools, where sometimes they would also have lessons for each other. Around noon, Pons would go to his theatre if there was a rehearsal scheduled, but he spent all his free time strolling on the boulevards. By night, they both ended up in the orchestra at the theatre, as Pons had found a spot for Schmucke, and that’s how it went.
At the time of their first meeting, Pons had just received that marshal’s baton of the unknown musical composer—an appointment as conductor of an orchestra. It had come to him unasked, by a favor of Count Popinot, a bourgeois hero of July, at that time a member of the Government. Count Popinot had the license of a theatre in his gift, and Count Popinot had also an old acquaintance of the kind that the successful man blushes to meet. As he rolls through the streets of Paris in his carriage, it is not pleasant to see his boyhood’s chum down at heel, with a coat of many improbable colors and trousers innocent of straps, and a head full of soaring speculations on too grand a scale to tempt shy, easily scared capital. Moreover, this friend of his youth, Gaudissart by name, had done not a little in the past towards founding the fortunes of the great house of Popinot. Popinot, now a Count and a peer of France, after twice holding a portfolio had no wish to shake off “the Illustrious Gaudissart.” Quite otherwise. The pomps and vanities of the Court of the Citizen-King had not spoiled the sometime druggist’s kind heart; he wished to put his ex-commercial traveler in the way of renewing his wardrobe and replenishing his purse. So when Gaudissart, always an enthusiastic admirer of the fair sex, applied for the license of a bankrupt theatre, Popinot granted it on condition that Pons (a parasite of the Hotel Popinot) should be engaged as conductor of the orchestra; and at the same time, the Count was careful to send certain elderly amateurs of beauty to the theatre, so that the new manager might be strongly supported financially by wealthy admirers of feminine charms revealed by the costume of the ballet.
At the time of their first meeting, Pons had just been given that marshal’s baton of the unknown musical composer—an appointment as conductor of an orchestra. It had come to him without asking, thanks to Count Popinot, a bourgeois hero of July, who was then a member of the Government. Count Popinot had the power to grant a theater license, and he also had an old friend that successful people shy away from meeting. As he rolled through the streets of Paris in his carriage, it was uncomfortable to see his childhood buddy looking down and out, wearing a coat of many strange colors and trousers without any straps, and filled with lofty ideas that were way too ambitious to attract cautious investors. Furthermore, this friend from his youth, named Gaudissart, had once played a significant role in establishing the fortunes of the great Popinot family. Now a Count and a peer of France, Popinot, after holding two cabinet positions, had no desire to distance himself from “the Illustrious Gaudissart.” Quite the opposite. The glamor and pretensions of the Citizen-King’s Court hadn’t tarnished the former druggist’s kind heart; he wanted to help his ex-commercial traveler friend update his wardrobe and fill his pockets. So when Gaudissart, always an enthusiastic admirer of women, applied for the license of a bankrupt theater, Popinot granted it on the condition that Pons (a hanger-on at the Hotel Popinot) would be hired as the orchestra conductor; at the same time, the Count made sure to send some wealthy older admirers of beauty to the theater so that the new manager could be financially supported by well-off fans of the feminine charms showcased by the ballet costumes.
Gaudissart and Company, who, be it said, made their fortune, hit upon the grand idea of operas for the people, and carried it out in a boulevard theatre in 1834. A tolerable conductor, who could adapt or even compose a little music upon occasion, was a necessity for ballets and pantomimes; but the last management had so long been bankrupt, that they could not afford to keep a transposer and copyist. Pons therefore introduced Schmucke to the company as copier of music, a humble calling which requires no small musical knowledge; and Schmucke, acting on Pons’ advice, came to an understanding with the chef-de-service at the Opera-Comique, so saving himself the clerical drudgery.
Gaudissart and Company, who made their fortune, came up with the brilliant idea of operas for the people and executed it in a boulevard theater in 1834. A decent conductor, who could adapt or even compose a bit of music when needed, was essential for ballets and pantomimes; however, the previous management had been bankrupt for so long that they couldn't afford to hire a transposer and copyist. So, Pons introduced Schmucke to the company as a music copier, a humble job that requires quite a bit of musical knowledge; and Schmucke, following Pons' advice, worked out an arrangement with the chef-de-service at the Opera-Comique, thereby saving himself from the tedious clerical work.
The partnership between Pons and Schmucke produced one brilliant result. Schmucke being a German, harmony was his strong point; he looked over the instrumentation of Pons’ compositions, and Pons provided the airs. Here and there an amateur among the audience admired the new pieces of music which served as accompaniment to two or three great successes, but they attributed the improvement vaguely to “progress.” No one cared to know the composer’s name; like occupants of the baignoires, lost to view of the house, to gain a view of the stage, Pons and Schmucke eclipsed themselves by their success. In Paris (especially since the Revolution of July) no one can hope to succeed unless he will push his way quibuscumque viis and with all his might through a formidable host of competitors; but for this feat a man needs thews and sinews, and our two friends, be it remembered, had that affection of the heart which cripples all ambitious effort.
The partnership between Pons and Schmucke led to one amazing result. Schmucke, being German, excelled at harmony; he took care of the instrumentation for Pons’ compositions, while Pons created the melodies. Occasionally, someone in the audience appreciated the new pieces of music that accompanied two or three big hits, but they vaguely attributed the improvement to “progress.” No one bothered to find out the composer’s name; like people in the baignoires, out of sight of the house, trying to get a view of the stage, Pons and Schmucke overshadowed themselves with their success. In Paris (especially since the July Revolution), no one can expect to succeed unless they push their way quibuscumque viis and with all their strength through a tough crowd of competitors; but for this challenge, a person needs physical strength, and our two friends, remember, had that kind of heartfelt affection that limits all ambitious efforts.
Pons, as a rule, only went to his theatre towards eight o’clock, when the piece in favor came on, and overtures and accompaniments needed the strict ruling of the baton; most minor theatres are lax in such matters, and Pons felt the more at ease because he himself had been by no means grasping in all his dealings with the management; and Schmucke, if need be, could take his place. Time went by, and Schmucke became an institution in the orchestra; the Illustrious Gaudissart said nothing, but he was well aware of the value of Pons’ collaborator. He was obliged to include a pianoforte in the orchestra (following the example of the leading theatres); the instrument was placed beside the conductor’s chair, and Schmucke played without increase of salary—a volunteer supernumerary. As Schmucke’s character, his utter lack of ambition or pretence became known, the orchestra recognized him as one of themselves; and as time went on, he was intrusted with the often needed miscellaneous musical instruments which form no part of the regular band of a boulevard theatre. For a very small addition to his stipend, Schmucke played the viola d’amore, hautboy, violoncello, and harp, as well as the piano, the castanets for the cachucha, the bells, saxhorn, and the like. If the Germans cannot draw harmony from the mighty instruments of Liberty, yet to play all instruments of music comes to them by nature.
Pons usually only arrived at his theater around eight o’clock, just in time for the popular show, when the overtures and accompaniments needed the precise direction of the conductor. Most small theaters are pretty lax about these things, and Pons felt more comfortable knowing he had never been overly demanding in his dealings with the management; and Schmucke could fill in for him if necessary. As time passed, Schmucke became a staple in the orchestra; the Illustrious Gaudissart didn’t say much but was well aware of Pons' collaborator's value. He was required to add a piano to the orchestra (following the lead of the major theaters); the piano was set up next to the conductor’s chair, and Schmucke played without an increase in pay—he was a volunteer. As Schmucke’s character, his complete lack of ambition or pretension became known, the orchestra accepted him as one of their own. Over time, he was given the responsibility for various musical instruments that weren't part of the regular lineup for a boulevard theater. For a small raise, Schmucke played the viola d’amore, oboe, cello, harp, and piano, as well as the castanets for the cachucha, bells, saxhorn, and more. While Germans may not extract harmony from the grand instruments of Liberty, they naturally excel at playing all kinds of musical instruments.
The two old artists were exceedingly popular at the theatre, and took its ways philosophically. They had put, as it were, scales over their eyes, lest they should see the offences that needs must come when a corps de ballet is blended with actors and actresses, one of the most trying combinations ever created by the laws of supply and demand for the torment of managers, authors, and composers alike.
The two seasoned artists were extremely popular at the theater and took everything in stride. They had essentially covered their eyes to avoid seeing the troubles that inevitably arise when a corps de ballet is mixed with actors and actresses, which is one of the most challenging combinations ever created by the laws of supply and demand, causing frustration for managers, writers, and composers alike.
Every one esteemed Pons with his kindness and his modesty, his great self-respect and respect for others; for a pure and limpid life wins something like admiration from the worst nature in every social sphere, and in Paris a fair virtue meets with something of the success of a large diamond, so great a rarity it is. No actor, no dancer however brazen, would have indulged in the mildest practical joke at the expense of either Pons or Schmucke.
Everyone valued Pons for his kindness and humility, his strong self-respect and respect for others; a pure and clear life earns admiration even from the most difficult personalities in every social group, and in Paris, genuine goodness is as rare as a large diamond, which makes it quite special. No actor or dancer, no matter how bold, would have dared to play even the slightest practical joke at the expense of either Pons or Schmucke.
Pons very occasionally put in an appearance in the foyer; but all that Schmucke knew of the theatre was the underground passage from the street door to the orchestra. Sometimes, however, during an interval, the good German would venture to make a survey of the house and ask a few questions of the first flute, a young fellow from Strasbourg, who came of a German family at Kehl. Gradually under the flute’s tuition Schmucke’s childlike imagination acquired a certain amount of knowledge of the world; he could believe in the existence of that fabulous creature the lorette, the possibility of “marriages at the Thirteenth Arrondissement,” the vagaries of the leading lady, and the contraband traffic carried on by box-openers. In his eyes the more harmless forms of vice were the lowest depths of Babylonish iniquity; he did not believe the stories, he smiled at them for grotesque inventions. The ingenious reader can see that Pons and Schmucke were exploited, to use a word much in fashion; but what they lost in money they gained in consideration and kindly treatment.
Pons rarely showed up in the foyer; but all Schmucke knew about the theater was the underground passage from the street door to the orchestra. However, during some breaks, the kind German would sometimes take a look around the house and ask a few questions of the first flute, a young guy from Strasbourg, who came from a German family in Kehl. Gradually, with the flute’s guidance, Schmucke’s innocent imagination gained some understanding of the world; he could believe in the existence of that mythical being the lorette, the idea of “marriages in the Thirteenth Arrondissement,” the whims of the leading lady, and the illegal dealings of box-openers. To him, the more harmless types of vice represented the ultimate depths of Babylonian immorality; he didn’t believe the stories, he chuckled at them for their absurdity. The perceptive reader can tell that Pons and Schmucke were taken advantage of, to use a trendy term; but what they lost in money, they gained in respect and friendly treatment.
It was after the success of the ballet with which a run of success began for the Gaudissart Company that the management presented Pons with a piece of plate—a group of figures attributed to Benvenuto Cellini. The alarming costliness of the gift caused talk in the green-room. It was a matter of twelve hundred francs! Pons, poor honest soul, was for returning the present, and Gaudissart had a world of trouble to persuade him to keep it.
It was after the success of the ballet that kicked off a streak of wins for the Gaudissart Company that the management gave Pons a piece of silver—a group of figures credited to Benvenuto Cellini. The staggering expense of the gift caused quite a buzz in the green room. It cost twelve hundred francs! Pons, being a good-hearted guy, wanted to return the gift, and Gaudissart had a tough time convincing him to keep it.
“Ah!” said the manager afterwards, when he told his partner of the interview, “if we could only find actors up to that sample.”
“Ah!” said the manager later, when he told his partner about the interview, “if only we could find actors like that.”
In their joint life, outwardly so quiet, there was the one disturbing element—the weakness to which Pons sacrificed, the insatiable craving to dine out. Whenever Schmucke happened to be at home while Pons was dressing for the evening, the good German would bewail this deplorable habit.
In their shared life, which seemed so calm from the outside, there was one troubling aspect—the weakness that Pons indulged, the never-ending desire to eat out. Whenever Schmucke was home while Pons got ready for the evening, the good German would lament this unfortunate habit.
“Gif only he vas ony fatter vor it!” he many a time cried.
“Why couldn't he just be a bit fatter for it!” he often shouted.
And Schmucke would dream of curing his friend of his degrading vice, for a true friend’s instinct in all that belongs to the inner life is unerring as a dog’s sense of smell; a friend knows by intuition the trouble in his friend’s soul, and guesses at the cause and ponders it in his heart.
And Schmucke would dream of helping his friend overcome his degrading habit, because a true friend has an instinct about everything related to inner life that is as reliable as a dog's sense of smell; a friend can intuitively sense the struggles in his friend's soul, figure out the cause, and reflect on it in his heart.
Pons, who always wore a diamond ring on the little finger of his right hand, an ornament permitted in the time of the Empire, but ridiculous to-day—Pons, who belonged to the “troubadour time,” the sentimental periods of the first Empire, was too much a child of his age, too much of a Frenchman to wear the expression of divine serenity which softened Schmucke’s hideous ugliness. From Pons’ melancholy looks Schmucke knew that the profession of parasite was growing daily more difficult and painful. And, in fact, in that month of October 1844, the number of houses at which Pons dined was naturally much restricted; reduced to move round and round the family circle, he had used the word family in far too wide a sense, as will shortly be seen.
Pons, who always wore a diamond ring on the little finger of his right hand—an accessory that was acceptable during the Empire but seems silly today—Pons, a man of the "troubadour time," the sentimental era of the first Empire, wasn't able to wear the calm expression that softened Schmucke’s unfortunate ugliness. From Pons’ sad looks, Schmucke realized that being a parasite was becoming increasingly difficult and painful. Indeed, in October 1844, the number of places where Pons could dine had significantly dropped; forced to circle around his family, he had used the term family far too loosely, as will soon be evident.
M. Camusot, the rich silk mercer of the Rue des Bourdonnais, had married Pons’ first cousin, Mlle. Pons, only child and heiress of one of the well-known firm of Pons Brothers, court embroiderers. Pons’ own father and mother retired from a firm founded before the Revolution of 1789, leaving their capital in the business until Mlle. Pons’ father sold it in 1815 to M. Rivet. M. Camusot had since lost his wife and married again, and retired from business some ten years, and now in 1844 he was a member of the Board of Trade, a deputy, and what not. But the Camusot clan were friendly; and Pons, good man, still considered that he was some kind of cousin to the children of the second marriage, who were not relations, or even connected with him in any way.
M. Camusot, the wealthy silk merchant from Rue des Bourdonnais, had married Pons’ first cousin, Mlle. Pons, the only child and heiress of the well-known Pons Brothers, who were court embroiderers. Pons’ parents had retired from a business established before the 1789 Revolution, leaving their capital tied up in the company until Mlle. Pons’ father sold it in 1815 to M. Rivet. M. Camusot had since lost his wife and remarried, retiring from business about ten years ago, and now in 1844 he was a member of the Board of Trade, a deputy, and involved in various other endeavors. However, the Camusot family remained cordial, and Pons, being a good man, still considered himself somewhat of a cousin to the children from the second marriage, even though they were not actually related or connected to him in any way.
The second Mme. Camusot being a Mlle. Cardot, Pons introduced himself as a relative into the tolerably numerous Cardot family, a second bourgeois tribe which, taken with its connections, formed quite as strong a clan as the Camusots; for Cardot the notary (brother of the second Mme. Camusot) had married a Mlle. Chiffreville; and the well-known family of Chiffreville, the leading firm of manufacturing chemists, was closely connected with the whole drug trade, of which M. Anselme Popinot was for many years the undisputed head, until the Revolution of July plunged him into the very centre of the dynastic movement, as everybody knows. So Pons, in the wake of the Camusots and Cardots, reached the Chiffrevilles, and thence the Popinots, always in the character of a cousin’s cousin.
The second Mme. Camusot was Mlle. Cardot, and Pons introduced himself as a relative of the reasonably large Cardot family, a second bourgeois group that, along with its connections, formed a clan as strong as the Camusots. Cardot the notary (brother of the second Mme. Camusot) had married Mlle. Chiffreville; and the well-known Chiffreville family, a leading firm of manufacturing chemists, was closely tied to the entire drug trade, of which M. Anselme Popinot was the uncontested head for many years, until the July Revolution drew him into the heart of the dynastic movement, as everyone knows. So, Pons, following the Camusots and Cardots, reached the Chiffrevilles, and from there the Popinots, always as a cousin’s cousin.
The above concise statement of Pons’ relations with his entertainers explains how it came to pass that an old musician was received in 1844 as one of the family in the houses of four distinguished persons—to wit, M. le Comte Popinot, peer of France, and twice in office; M. Cardot, retired notary, mayor and deputy of an arrondissement in Paris; M. Camusot senior, a member of the Board of Trade and the Municipal Chamber and a peerage; and lastly, M. Camusot de Marville, Camusot’s son by his first marriage, and Pons’ one genuine relation, albeit even he was a first cousin once removed.
The brief summary of Pons’ relationships with his hosts explains how in 1844, an older musician was welcomed as part of the family in the homes of four prominent individuals: namely, M. le Comte Popinot, a peer of France and twice a government official; M. Cardot, a retired notary, mayor, and deputy of a Paris district; M. Camusot senior, a member of the Board of Trade and the Municipal Chamber, as well as a peer; and finally, M. Camusot de Marville, the son of Camusot from his first marriage, who was Pons’ only real family member, even if he was just a first cousin once removed.
This Camusot, President of a Chamber of the Court of Appeal in Paris, had taken the name of his estate at Marville to distinguish himself from his father and a younger half brother.
This Camusot, President of a Chamber of the Court of Appeal in Paris, had taken the name of his estate in Marville to set himself apart from his father and a younger half-brother.
Cardot the retired notary had married his daughter to his successor, whose name was Berthier; and Pons, transferred as part of the connection, acquired a right to dine with the Berthiers “in the presence of a notary,” as he put it.
Cardot, the retired notary, had married his daughter to his successor, Berthier. Pons, who became part of the family connection, gained the right to have dinner with the Berthiers “in the presence of a notary,” as he liked to say.
This was the bourgeois empyrean which Pons called his “family,” that upper world in which he so painfully reserved his right to a knife and fork.
This was the upper-class paradise that Pons referred to as his “family,” that higher social sphere where he so desperately held on to his right to a knife and fork.
Of all these houses, some ten in all, the one in which Pons ought to have met with the kindest reception should by rights have been his own cousin’s; and, indeed, he paid most attention to President Camusot’s family. But, alas! Mme. Camusot de Marville, daughter of the Sieur Thirion, usher of the cabinet to Louis XVIII. and Charles X., had never taken very kindly to her husband’s first cousin, once removed. Pons had tried to soften this formidable relative; he wasted his time; for in spite of the pianoforte lessons which he gave gratuitously to Mlle. Camusot, a young woman with hair somewhat inclined to red, it was impossible to make a musician of her.
Of all these houses, about ten in total, the one where Pons should have received the warmest welcome would have been his cousin’s. In fact, he paid the most attention to President Camusot’s family. But, unfortunately, Mme. Camusot de Marville, daughter of the Sieur Thirion, usher of the cabinet to Louis XVIII and Charles X, had never been very fond of her husband’s first cousin, once removed. Pons tried to win over this tough relative; he wasted his effort because, despite the piano lessons he gave for free to Mlle. Camusot, a young woman with slightly red hair, it was impossible to turn her into a musician.
And now, at this very moment, as he walked with that precious object in his hand, Pons was bound for the President’s house, where he always felt as if he were at the Tuileries itself, so heavily did the solemn green curtains, the carmelite-brown hangings, thick piled carpets, heavy furniture, and general atmosphere of magisterial severity oppress his soul. Strange as it may seem, he felt more at home in the Hotel Popinot, Rue Basse-du-Rempart, probably because it was full of works of art; for the master of the house, since he entered public life, had acquired a mania for collecting beautiful things, by way of contrast no doubt, for a politician is obliged to pay for secret services of the ugliest kind.
And now, at this very moment, as he walked with that precious item in his hand, Pons was headed to the President’s house, where he always felt as if he were at the Tuileries itself; the heavy green curtains, caramel-brown hangings, thick carpets, bulky furniture, and overall vibe of stern authority weighed down on his soul. Strangely enough, he felt more at home in the Hotel Popinot, Rue Basse-du-Rempart, likely because it was filled with artworks; the owner, since entering public life, had developed a passion for collecting beautiful things, probably as a contrast, since a politician has to compensate for the ugliest kinds of secret services.
President de Marville lived in the Rue de Hanovre, in a house which his wife had bought ten years previously, on the death of her parents, for the Sieur and Dame Thirion left their daughter about a hundred and fifty thousand francs, the savings of a lifetime. With its north aspect, the house looks gloomy enough seen from the street, but the back looks towards the south over the courtyard, with a rather pretty garden beyond it. As the President occupied the whole of the first floor, once the abode of a great financier of the time of Louis XIV., and the second was let to a wealthy old lady, the house wore a look of dignified repose befitting a magistrate’s residence. President Camusot had invested all that he inherited from his mother, together with the savings of twenty years, in the purchase of the splendid Marville estate; a chateau (as fine a relic of the past as you will find to-day in Normandy) standing in a hundred acres of park land, and a fine dependent farm, nominally bringing in twelve thousand francs per annum, though, as it cost the President at least a thousand crowns to keep up a state almost princely in our days, his yearly revenue, “all told,” as the saying is, was a bare nine thousand francs. With this and his salary, the President’s income amounted to about twenty thousand francs; but though to all appearance a wealthy man, especially as one-half of his father’s property would one day revert to him as the only child of the first marriage, he was obliged to live in Paris as befitted his official position, and M. and Mme. de Marville spent almost the whole of their incomes. Indeed, before the year 1834 they felt pinched.
President de Marville lived on Rue de Hanovre in a house that his wife had purchased ten years earlier, after her parents passed away. The Sieur and Dame Thirion left their daughter around one hundred and fifty thousand francs, which was the result of a lifetime’s savings. The house looks pretty gloomy from the street due to its north-facing aspect, but the back opens up to the south over the courtyard, revealing a nice garden beyond. Since the President occupied the entire first floor, which had once belonged to a prominent financier from the time of Louis XIV, and the second floor was rented out to a wealthy elderly lady, the house had an air of dignified calm appropriate for a magistrate's residence. President Camusot invested everything he inherited from his mother along with twenty years’ worth of savings in the lovely Marville estate—a chateau, one of the best preserved relics of the past found today in Normandy, set on a hundred acres of parkland and accompanied by a fine working farm, which nominally brought in twelve thousand francs a year. However, since it cost the President at least a thousand crowns to maintain a nearly princely lifestyle these days, his total annual income, as the saying goes, was just nine thousand francs. With this and his salary, the President’s income reached about twenty thousand francs. Nonetheless, despite appearing wealthy, especially since he would eventually inherit half his father’s property as the only child from the first marriage, he had to live in Paris according to his official status, and M. and Mme. de Marville spent nearly all of their earnings. In fact, before 1834, they often felt financially squeezed.
This family schedule sufficiently explains why Mlle. de Marville, aged three-and-twenty, was still unwed, in spite of a hundred thousand francs of dowry and tempting prospects, frequently, skilfully, but so far vainly, held out. For the past five years Pons had listened to Mme. la Presidente’s lamentations as she beheld one young lawyer after another led to the altar, while all the newly appointed judges at the Tribunal were fathers of families already; and she, all this time, had displayed Mlle. de Marville’s brilliant expectations before the undazzled eyes of young Vicomte Popinot, eldest son of the great man of the drug trade, he of whom it was said by the envious tongues of the neighborhood of the Rue des Lombards, that the Revolution of July had been brought about at least as much for his particular benefit as for the sake of the Orleans branch.
This family schedule clearly shows why Mlle. de Marville, at twenty-three, was still unmarried, despite a dowry of a hundred thousand francs and a lot of enticing offers that had been presented skillfully yet unsuccessfully. For the past five years, Pons had listened to Mme. la Presidente’s complaints as she watched one young lawyer after another tie the knot, while all the newly appointed judges at the Tribunal were already family men; during all this time, she had showcased Mlle. de Marville’s impressive prospects to the unimpressed young Vicomte Popinot, the eldest son of a prominent drug trade magnate, who, according to the envious gossip from the Rue des Lombards neighborhood, was said to have benefited from the July Revolution as much as the Orleans family did.
Arrived at the corner of the Rue de Choiseul and the Rue de Hanovre, Pons suffered from the inexplicable emotions which torment clear consciences; for a panic terror such as the worst of scoundrels might feel at sight of a policeman, an agony caused solely by a doubt as to Mme. de Marville’s probable reception of him. That grain of sand, grating continually on the fibres of his heart, so far from losing its angles, grew more and more jagged, and the family in the Rue de Hanovre always sharpened the edges. Indeed, their unceremonious treatment and Pons’ depreciation in value among them had affected the servants; and while they did not exactly fail in respect, they looked on the poor relation as a kind of beggar.
Arriving at the corner of Rue de Choiseul and Rue de Hanovre, Pons felt an inexplicable turmoil that tormented his clear conscience; it was a panic similar to what the worst criminals might experience at the sight of a policeman, an agony brought on solely by uncertainty about how Mme. de Marville would receive him. That grain of sand, constantly rubbing against the fibers of his heart, did not lose its sharpness and, in fact, became even more jagged, with the family on Rue de Hanovre only making things worse. Their casual treatment of him and Pons’ diminishing status among them had impacted the servants; while they didn’t outright disrespect him, they viewed the poor relative as a sort of beggar.
Pons’ arch-enemy in the house was the ladies’-maid, a thin and wizened spinster, Madeleine Vivet by name. This Madeleine, in spite of, nay, perhaps on the strength of, a pimpled complexion and a viper-like length of spine, had made up her mind that some day she would be Mme. Pons. But in vain she dangled twenty thousand francs of savings before the old bachelor’s eyes; Pons had declined happiness accompanied by so many pimples. From that time forth the Dido of the ante-chamber, who fain had called her master and mistress “cousin,” wreaked her spite in petty ways upon the poor musician. She heard him on the stairs, and cried audibly, “Oh! here comes the sponger!” She stinted him of wine when she waited at dinner in the footman’s absence; she filled the water-glass to the brim, to give him the difficult task of lifting it without spilling a drop; or she would pass the old man over altogether, till the mistress of the house would remind her (and in what a tone!—it brought the color to the poor cousin’s face); or she would spill the gravy over his clothes. In short, she waged petty war after the manner of a petty nature, knowing that she could annoy an unfortunate superior with impunity.
Pons’ main enemy in the house was the maid, a thin and withered woman named Madeleine Vivet. Despite her pimpled face and snake-like spine, Madeleine was determined to one day become Mrs. Pons. But no matter how she dangled her savings of twenty thousand francs in front of the old bachelor, Pons rejected the idea of being happy with someone who had so many pimples. From that moment on, the jealous maid, who longed to refer to him and his partner as “cousin,” took her frustrations out on the poor musician in small ways. She would hear him coming up the stairs and loudly say, “Oh! Here comes the freeloader!” She shortchanged him on wine when she served dinner in the footman’s absence, filled his water glass to the brim to make it difficult for him to lift without spilling, or would completely ignore him until the mistress of the house reminded her (and in a tone that flushed the poor cousin’s face); at times, she would even spill gravy on his clothes. In short, she picked small fights in the way only someone of her petty nature could, knowing she could annoy a less fortunate superior without any consequences.
Madeleine Vivet was Mme. de Marville’s maid and housekeeper. She had lived with M. and Mme. Camusot de Marville since their marriage; she had shared the early struggles in the provinces when M. Camusot was a judge at Alencon; she had helped them to exist when M. Camusot, President of the Tribunal of Mantes, came to Paris, in 1828, to be an examining magistrate. She was, therefore, too much one of the family not to wish, for reasons of her own, to revenge herself upon them. Beneath her desire to pay a trick upon her haughty and ambitious mistress, and to call her master her cousin, there surely lurked a long-stifled hatred, built up like an avalanche, upon the pebble of some past grievance.
Madeleine Vivet was Mme. de Marville’s maid and housekeeper. She had been with M. and Mme. Camusot de Marville since they got married; she had lived through their initial struggles in the provinces when M. Camusot was a judge in Alencon; she had helped them make do when M. Camusot, President of the Tribunal of Mantes, came to Paris in 1828 to become an examining magistrate. Because of this, she was too much a part of the family not to have her own reasons for wanting to get back at them. Underneath her desire to play a trick on her proud and ambitious mistress, and to refer to her master as her cousin, there surely lay a long-bottled-up resentment, built up like an avalanche from a small grievance from the past.
“Here comes your M. Pons, madame, still wearing that spencer of his!” Madeleine came to tell the Presidente. “He really might tell me how he manages to make it look the same for five-and-twenty years together.”
“Here comes your M. Pons, ma'am, still wearing that spencer of his!” Madeleine came to inform the Presidente. “He really could share how he manages to make it look the same after twenty-five years.”
Mme. Camusot de Marville, hearing a man’s footstep in the little drawing-room between the large drawing-room and her bedroom, looked at her daughter and shrugged her shoulders.
Mme. Camusot de Marville, hearing a man’s footsteps in the small drawing room between the big drawing room and her bedroom, glanced at her daughter and shrugged her shoulders.
“You always make these announcements so cleverly that you leave me no time to think, Madeleine.”
“You always make these announcements so smartly that you leave me no time to think, Madeleine.”
“Jean is out, madame, I was all alone; M. Pons rang the bell, I opened the door; and as he is almost one of the family, I could not prevent him from coming after me. There he is, taking off his spencer.”
“Jean is out, ma’am, I was all alone; Mr. Pons rang the bell, I opened the door; and since he’s almost like family, I couldn’t stop him from following me in. There he is, taking off his coat.”
“Poor little puss!” said the Presidente, addressing her daughter, “we are caught. We shall have to dine at home now.—Let us see,” she added, seeing that the “dear puss” wore a piteous face; “must we get rid of him for good?”
“Poor little kitty!” said the Presidente, speaking to her daughter, “we're stuck. We’ll have to eat at home now.—Let’s see,” she continued, noticing that the “dear kitty” had a sad expression; “do we have to get rid of him for good?”
“Oh! poor man!” cried Mlle. Camusot, “deprive him of one of his dinners?”
“Oh! poor man!” cried Mlle. Camusot, “take away one of his dinners?”
Somebody coughed significantly in the next room by way of warning that he could hear.
Somebody coughed loudly in the next room as a way to let him know they could hear.
“Very well, let him come in!” said Mme. Camusot, looking at Madeleine with another shrug.
“Alright, let him come in!” said Mme. Camusot, glancing at Madeleine with another shrug.
“You are here so early, cousin, that you have come in upon us just as mother was about to dress,” said Cecile Camusot in a coaxing tone. But Cousin Pons had caught sight of the Presidente’s shrug, and felt so cruelly hurt that he could not find a compliment, and contented himself with the profound remark, “You are always charming, my little cousin.”
“You're here so early, cousin, that you walked in just as Mom was about to get ready,” Cecile Camusot said sweetly. But Cousin Pons noticed the Presidente's shrug, and he felt so deeply hurt that he couldn't think of a compliment, so he settled for the simple remark, “You're always charming, my little cousin.”
Then, turning to the mother, he continued with a bow:
Then, turning to the mother, he continued with a bow:
“You will not take it amiss, I think, if I have come a little earlier than usual, dear cousin; I have brought something for you; you once did me the pleasure of asking me for it.”
“You won’t mind that I came a bit earlier than usual, dear cousin; I’ve brought something for you; you once kindly asked me for it.”
Poor Pons! Every time he addressed the President, the President’s wife, or Cecile as “cousin,” he gave them excruciating annoyance. As he spoke, he draw a long, narrow cherry-wood box, marvelously carved, from his coat-pocket.
Poor Pons! Every time he called the President, the President’s wife, or Cecile “cousin,” it annoyed them to no end. As he spoke, he pulled out a long, narrow cherry-wood box, beautifully carved, from his coat pocket.
“Oh, did I?—I had forgotten,” the lady answered drily.
“Oh, did I?—I totally forgot,” the lady replied dryly.
It was a heartless speech, was it not? Did not those few words deny all merit to the pains taken for her by the cousin whose one offence lay in the fact that he was a poor relation?
It was a cold speech, wasn’t it? Didn’t those few words dismiss all the effort made for her by the cousin whose only fault was that he was a poor relative?
“But it is very kind of you, cousin,” she added. “How much to I owe you for this little trifle?”
“But it's really nice of you, cousin,” she added. “How much do I owe you for this small favor?”
Pons quivered inwardly at the question. He had meant the trinket as a return for his dinners.
Pons felt a shiver inside at the question. He had intended the trinket as a gift in exchange for his dinners.
“I thought that you would permit me to offer it you——” he faltered out.
“I thought you would let me offer it to you——” he hesitated.
“What?” said Mme. Camusot. “Oh! but there need be no ceremony between us; we know each other well enough to wash our linen among ourselves. I know very well that you are not rich enough to give more than you get. And to go no further, it is quite enough that you should have spent a good deal of time in running among the dealers—”
“What?” said Mme. Camusot. “Oh! there’s no need for any formalities between us; we know each other well enough to air our issues openly. I know you aren’t wealthy enough to give more than what you receive. And to be straightforward, it’s enough that you’ve spent quite a bit of time dealing with the merchants—”
“If you were asked to pay the full price of the fan, my dear cousin, you would not care to have it,” answered poor Pons, hurt and insulted; “it is one of Watteau’s masterpieces, painted on both sides; but you may be quite easy, cousin, I did not give one-hundredth part of its value as a work of art.”
“If you were asked to pay the full price of the fan, my dear cousin, you wouldn’t want it,” replied poor Pons, feeling hurt and insulted. “It’s one of Watteau’s masterpieces, painted on both sides; but don’t worry, cousin, I didn’t pay even one-hundredth of its value as a work of art.”
To tell a rich man that he is poor! you might as well tell the Archbishop of Granada that his homilies show signs of senility. Mme. la Presidente, proud of her husband’s position, of the estate of Marville, and her invitations to court balls, was keenly susceptible on this point; and what was worse, the remark came from a poverty-stricken musician to whom she had been charitable.
To tell a rich man that he is poor! You might as well tell the Archbishop of Granada that his sermons are showing signs of aging. Mme. la Presidente, proud of her husband’s position, the estate at Marville, and her invitations to court balls, was very sensitive about this issue; and what made it worse was that the comment came from a broke musician to whom she had been generous.
“Then the people of whom you buy things of this kind are very stupid, are they?” she asked quickly.
“Then the people you buy these things from are really stupid, right?” she asked quickly.
“Stupid dealers are unknown in Paris,” Pons answered almost drily.
“Stupid dealers don’t exist in Paris,” Pons replied, almost dryly.
“Then you must be very clever,” put in Cecile by way of calming the dispute.
“Then you must be really smart,” Cecile added to ease the argument.
“Clever enough to know a Lancret, a Watteau, a Pater, or Greuze when I see it, little cousin; but anxious, most of all, to please your dear mamma.”
“Smart enough to recognize a Lancret, a Watteau, a Pater, or Greuze when I see one, little cousin; but most importantly, I want to make your dear mom happy.”
Mme. de Marville, ignorant and vain, was unwilling to appear to receive the slightest trifle from the parasite; and here her ignorance served her admirably, she did not even know the name of Watteau. And, on the other hand, if anything can measure the extent of the collector’s passion, which, in truth, is one of the most deeply seated of all passions, rivaling the very vanity of the author—if anything can give an idea of the lengths to which a collector will go, it is the audacity which Pons displayed on this occasion, as he held his own against his lady cousin for the first time in twenty years. He was amazed at his own boldness. He made Cecile see the beauties of the delicate carving on the sticks of this wonder, and as he talked to her his face grew serene and gentle again. But without some sketch of the Presidente, it is impossible fully to understand the perturbation of heart from which Pons suffered.
Mme. de Marville, clueless and self-absorbed, refused to seem like she was accepting even the smallest gift from the freeloader; her ignorance worked in her favor here since she didn’t even know who Watteau was. On the other hand, if there's anything that shows the depth of a collector's passion—one of the most intense passions out there, rivaling even the vanity of the creator—it’s the boldness Pons displayed on this occasion as he finally stood up to his female cousin for the first time in twenty years. He couldn’t believe his own courage. He pointed out the beauty of the intricate carvings on the sticks of this masterpiece to Cecile, and as he spoke to her, his expression softened and became gentle once again. However, without some background on the Presidente, it's impossible to fully grasp the emotional turmoil that Pons experienced.
Mme. de Marville had been short and fair, plump and fresh; at forty-six she was as short as ever, but she looked dried up. An arched forehead and thin lips, that had been softly colored once, lent a soured look to a face naturally disdainful, and now grown hard and unpleasant with a long course of absolute domestic rule. Time had deepened her fair hair to a harsh chestnut hue; the pride of office, intensified by suppressed envy, looked out of eyes that had lost none of their brightness nor their satirical expression. As a matter of fact, Mme. Camusot de Marville felt almost poor in the society of self-made wealthy bourgeois with whom Pons dined. She could not forgive the rich retail druggist, ex-president of the Commercial Court, for his successive elevations as deputy, member of the Government, count and peer of France. She could not forgive her father-in-law for putting himself forward instead of his eldest son as deputy of his arrondissement after Popinot’s promotion to the peerage. After eighteen years of services in Paris, she was still waiting for the post of Councillor of the Court of Cassation for her husband. It was Camusot’s own incompetence, well known at the Law Courts, which excluded him from the Council. The Home Secretary of 1844 even regretted Camusot’s nomination to the presidency of the Court of Indictments in 1834, though, thanks to his past experience as an examining magistrate, he made himself useful in drafting decrees.
Mme. de Marville was short and fair, plump and fresh; at forty-six, she was still just as short, but she now looked dried up. Her arched forehead and thin lips, which had once been softly colored, gave her a sour expression on a face that was naturally disdainful and had now become hard and unpleasant from years of strict domestic management. Time had turned her fair hair into a harsh chestnut color; the pride of her position, heightened by hidden jealousy, was evident in her eyes, which still sparkled with brightness and a satirical gleam. In truth, Mme. Camusot de Marville often felt almost poor among the self-made wealthy bourgeois with whom Pons dined. She could not forgive the rich retail druggist, a former president of the Commercial Court, for his successive promotions to deputy, member of the Government, count, and peer of France. She also held a grudge against her father-in-law for stepping in as deputy of his district instead of his eldest son after Popinot’s elevation to the peerage. After eighteen years of service in Paris, she was still waiting for her husband to be appointed Councillor of the Court of Cassation. It was Camusot’s own incompetence, well known at the Law Courts, that kept him from the Council. Even the Home Secretary of 1844 regretted Camusot’s appointment as president of the Court of Indictments in 1834, though he managed to be useful in drafting decrees due to his previous experience as an examining magistrate.
These disappointments had told upon Mme. de Marville, who, moreover, had formed a tolerably correct estimate of her husband. A temper naturally shrewish was soured till she grew positively terrible. She was not old, but she had aged; she deliberately set herself to extort by fear all that the world was inclined to refuse her, and was harsh and rasping as a file. Caustic to excess she had few friends among women; she surrounded herself with prim, elderly matrons of her own stamp, who lent each other mutual support, and people stood in awe of her. As for poor Pons, his relations with this fiend in petticoats were very much those of a schoolboy with the master whose one idea of communication is the ferule.
These disappointments had taken a toll on Mme. de Marville, who also had a pretty accurate view of her husband. Her naturally sharp temper had soured to the point where she became downright terrifying. She wasn't old, but she had aged; she intentionally set out to get everything she wanted through fear, becoming harsh and abrasive like a file. Excessively harsh, she had few female friends; she surrounded herself with proper, older women who were just like her, and people were intimidated by her. As for poor Pons, his relationship with this witch in a dress was very much like that of a schoolboy with a teacher whose only method of communication is a ruler.
The Presidente had no idea of the value of the gift. She was puzzled by her cousin’s sudden access of audacity.
The President had no idea how valuable the gift was. She was confused by her cousin's sudden burst of boldness.
“Then, where did you find this?” inquired Cecile, as she looked closely at the trinket.
“Then, where did you find this?” Cecile asked, examining the trinket closely.
“In the Rue de Lappe. A dealer in second-hand furniture there had just brought it back with him from a chateau that is being pulled down near Dreux, Aulnay. Mme. de Pompadour used to spend part of her time there before she built Menars. Some of the most splendid wood-carving ever known has been saved from destruction; Lienard (our most famous living wood-carver) had kept a couple of oval frames for models, as the ne plus ultra of the art, so fine it is.—There were treasures in that place. My man found the fan in the drawer of an inlaid what-not, which I should certainly have bought if I were collecting things of the kind, but it is quite out of the question—a single piece of Riesener’s furniture is worth three or four thousand francs! People here in Paris are just beginning to find out that the famous French and German marquetry workers of the sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth centuries composed perfect pictures in wood. It is a collector’s business to be ahead of the fashion. Why, in five years’ time, the Frankenthal ware, which I have been collecting these twenty years, will fetch twice the price of Sevres pata tendre.”
“In the Rue de Lappe, a second-hand furniture dealer had just returned with a piece from a chateau that’s being torn down near Dreux, Aulnay. Mme. de Pompadour used to spend part of her time there before building Menars. Some of the most exquisite wood carvings have been saved from destruction; Lienard (our most renowned living wood-carver) has kept a couple of oval frames as models, representing the pinnacle of the art, they’re so beautifully made. There were treasures in that place. My guy found the fan in the drawer of an inlaid what-not, which I definitely would have bought if I were collecting such items, but it’s just not possible—just one piece of Riesener’s furniture is worth three or four thousand francs! People here in Paris are just starting to realize that the famous French and German marquetry artisans from the sixteenth, seventeenth, and eighteenth centuries created perfect pictures in wood. It’s a collector’s job to be ahead of trends. In five years, the Frankenthal ware I’ve been collecting for twenty years will be worth twice the price of Sevres pata tendre.”
“What is Frankenthal ware?” asked Cecile.
“What is Frankenthal ware?” Cecile asked.
“That is the name of the porcelain made by the Elector of the Palatinate; it dates further back than our manufactory at Sevres; just as the famous gardens at Heidelberg, laid waste by Turenne, had the bad luck to exist before the garden of Versailles. Sevres copied Frankenthal to a large extent.—In justice to the Germans, it must be said that they have done admirable work in Saxony and in the Palatinate.”
“That is the name of the porcelain made by the Elector of the Palatinate; it predates our factory at Sevres; just like the famous gardens at Heidelberg, which were destroyed by Turenne, unfortunately existed before the garden of Versailles. Sevres borrowed heavily from Frankenthal. In fairness to the Germans, it should be noted that they have produced outstanding work in Saxony and the Palatinate.”
Mother and daughter looked at one another as if Pons were speaking Chinese. No one can imagine how ignorant and exclusive Parisians are; they only learn what they are taught, and that only when they choose.
Mother and daughter looked at each other as if Pons were speaking Chinese. No one can imagine how ignorant and exclusive Parisians are; they only learn what they're taught, and even then, only when they feel like it.
“And how do you know the Frankenthal ware when you see it?”
“And how do you recognize the Frankenthal ware when you see it?”
“Eh! by the mark!” cried Pons with enthusiasm. “There is a mark on every one of those exquisite masterpieces. Frankenthal ware is marked with a C and T (for Charles Theodore) interlaced and crowned. On old Dresden china there are two crossed swords and the number of the order in gilt figures. Vincennes bears a hunting-horn; Vienna, a V closed and barred. You can tell Berlin by the two bars, Mayence by the wheel, and Sevres by the two crossed L’s. The queen’s porcelain is marked A for Antoinette, with a royal crown above it. In the eighteenth century, all the crowned heads of Europe had rival porcelain factories, and workmen were kidnaped. Watteau designed services for the Dresden factory; they fetch frantic prices at the present day. One has to know what one is about with them too, for they are turning out imitations now at Dresden. Wonderful things they used to make; they will never make the like again—”
“Wow! Check this out!” Pons exclaimed with enthusiasm. “Every single one of those amazing pieces has a mark. Frankenthal ware is marked with a C and T (for Charles Theodore) intertwined and crowned. Old Dresden china features two crossed swords and the order number in gold figures. Vincennes shows a hunting horn; Vienna has a closed and barred V. You can identify Berlin by two bars, Mayence by the wheel, and Sevres by the two crossed L's. The queen's porcelain is marked A for Antoinette, topped with a royal crown. In the eighteenth century, all the crowned heads of Europe had competing porcelain factories, and workers were actually kidnapped. Watteau designed services for the Dresden factory; those pieces fetch crazy prices today. You really need to know what you're looking at because they’re making imitations in Dresden now. They used to create incredible things; they’ll never make anything like that again—”
“Oh! pshaw!”
“Oh! whatever!”
“No, cousin. Some inlaid work and some kinds of porcelain will never be made again, just as there will never be another Raphael, nor Titian, nor Rembrandt, nor Van Eyck, nor Cranach.... Well, now! there are the Chinese; they are very ingenious, very clever; they make modern copies of their ‘grand mandarin’ porcelain, as it is called. But a pair of vases of genuine ‘grand mandarin’ vases of the largest size, are worth, six, eight, and ten thousand francs, while you can buy the modern replicas for a couple of hundred!”
“No, cousin. Some inlaid work and certain types of porcelain will never be created again, just like there will never be another Raphael, or Titian, or Rembrandt, or Van Eyck, or Cranach.... Well, look at the Chinese; they are very resourceful and clever; they make modern copies of their ‘grand mandarin’ porcelain, as it’s called. But a pair of genuine ‘grand mandarin’ vases of the largest size are worth six, eight, or ten thousand francs, while you can buy the modern replicas for just a couple of hundred!”
“You are joking.”
"You're kidding."
“You are astonished at the prices, but that is nothing, cousin. A dinner service of Sevres pate tendre (and pate tendre is not porcelain)—a complete dinner service of Sevres pate tendre for twelve persons is not merely worth a hundred thousand francs, but that is the price charged on the invoice. Such a dinner-service cost fifteen thousand francs at Sevres in 1750; I have seen the original invoices.”
“You're amazed by the prices, but that's nothing, cousin. A complete dinner service of Sevres pate tendre (and pate tendre isn't porcelain)—a full dinner service of Sevres pate tendre for twelve people isn't just worth a hundred thousand francs, but that's the price on the invoice. This dinner service cost fifteen thousand francs at Sevres in 1750; I've seen the original invoices.”
“But let us go back to this fan,” said Cecile. Evidently in her opinion the trinket was an old-fashioned thing.
“But let’s go back to this fan,” said Cecile. Clearly, she thought the trinket was outdated.
“You can understand that as soon as your dear mamma did me the honor of asking for a fan, I went round of all the curiosity shops in Paris, but I found nothing fine enough. I wanted nothing less than a masterpiece for the dear Presidente, and thought of giving her one that once belonged to Marie Antoinette, the most beautiful of all celebrated fans. But yesterday I was dazzled by this divine chef-d’oeuvre, which certainly must have been ordered by Louis XV. himself. Do you ask how I came to look for fans in the Rue de Lappe, among an Auvergnat’s stock of brass and iron and ormolu furniture? Well, I myself believe that there is an intelligence in works of art; they know art-lovers, they call to them—‘Cht-tt!’”
“You can understand that as soon as your dear mom had the kindness to ask me for a fan, I went around all the curiosity shops in Paris, but I couldn’t find anything good enough. I wanted nothing less than a masterpiece for the dear Presidente, and I thought about giving her one that once belonged to Marie Antoinette, the most beautiful of all famous fans. But yesterday I was dazzled by this divine chef-d’oeuvre, which must have been commissioned by Louis XV himself. Do you wonder how I ended up looking for fans on Rue de Lappe, among an Auvergnat’s collection of brass, iron, and ormolu furniture? Well, I believe that there is a connection in works of art; they recognize art-lovers, they call out to them—‘Cht-tt!’”
Mme. de Marville shrugged her shoulders and looked at her daughter; Pons did not notice the rapid pantomime.
Mme. de Marville shrugged and glanced at her daughter; Pons didn't see the quick gesture.
“I know all those sharpers,” continued Pons, “so I asked him, ‘Anything fresh to-day, Daddy Monistrol?’—(for he always lets me look over his lots before the big buyers come)—and at that he began to tell me how Lienard, that did such beautiful work for the Government in the Chapelle de Dreux, had been at the Aulnay sale and rescued the carved panels out of the clutches of the Paris dealers, while their heads were running on china and inlaid furniture.—‘I did not do much myself,’ he went on, ‘but I may make my traveling expenses out of this,’ and he showed me a what-not; a marvel! Boucher’s designs executed in marquetry, and with such art!—One could have gone down on one’s knees before it.—‘Look, sir,’ he said, ‘I have just found this fan in a little drawer; it was locked, I had to force it open. You might tell me where I can sell it’—and with that he brings out this little carved cherry-wood box.—‘See,’ says he, ‘it is the kind of Pompadour that looks like decorated Gothic.’—‘Yes,’ I told him, ‘the box is pretty; the box might suit me; but as for the fan, Monistrol, I have no Mme. Pons to give the old trinket to, and they make very pretty new ones nowadays; you can buy miracles of painting on vellum cheaply enough. There are two thousand painters in Paris, you know.’—And I opened out the fan carelessly, keeping down my admiration, looked indifferently at those two exquisite little pictures, touched off with an ease fit to send you into raptures. I held Mme. de Pompadour’s fan in my hand! Watteau had done his utmost for this.—‘What do you want for the what-not?’—‘Oh! a thousand francs; I have had a bid already.’—I offered him a price for the fan corresponding with the probable expenses of the journey. We looked each other in the eyes, and I saw that I had my man. I put the fan back into the box lest my Auvergnat should begin to look at it, and went into ecstasies over the box; indeed, it is a jewel.—‘If I take it,’ said I, ‘it is for the sake of the box; the box tempts me. As for the what-not, you will get more than a thousand francs for that. Just see how the brass is wrought; it is a model. There is business in it.... It has never been copied; it is a unique specimen, made solely for Mme. de Pompadour’—and so on, till my man, all on fire for his what-not, forgets the fan, and lets me have it for a mere trifle, because I have pointed out the beauties of his piece of Riesener’s furniture. So here it is; but it needs a great deal of experience to make such a bargain as that. It is a duel, eye to eye; and who has such eyes as a Jew or an Auvergnat?”
“I know all those con artists,” Pons continued, “so I asked him, ‘Anything new today, Daddy Monistrol?’—(since he always lets me check out his lots before the big buyers arrive)—and then he started telling me how Lienard, who did such beautiful work for the Government in the Chapelle de Dreux, had been at the Aulnay sale and saved the carved panels from the Paris dealers, while they were distracted by china and inlaid furniture.—‘I didn’t do much myself,’ he said, ‘but I might cover my travel expenses with this,’ and he showed me a what-not; a marvel! Boucher’s designs crafted in marquetry, and so expertly done!—It was stunning!—‘Look, sir,’ he said, ‘I just found this fan in a little drawer; it was locked, so I had to force it open. Do you know where I could sell it?’—and with that, he pulled out this little carved cherry-wood box.—‘See,’ he says, ‘it’s the kind of Pompadour that looks like decorated Gothic.’—‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘the box is nice; I might be interested in the box; but as for the fan, Monistrol, I don’t have a Mme. Pons to give the old trinket to, and they make very pretty new ones these days; you can find amazing paintings on vellum for a good price. There are two thousand painters in Paris, you know.’—And I casually opened the fan, trying to hide my admiration, and looked indifferently at those two exquisite little pictures, done with such skill that it could take your breath away. I held Mme. de Pompadour’s fan in my hand! Watteau had really outdone himself with this.—‘What do you want for the what-not?’—‘Oh! a thousand francs; I’ve already received an offer.’—I made him an offer for the fan that lined up with the likely costs of the trip. We locked eyes, and I knew I had him. I put the fan back into the box to keep my Auvergnat from getting too interested in it, and I started raving about the box; it truly is a treasure.—‘If I buy it,’ I said, ‘it’s for the box; the box really appeals to me. As for the what-not, you’ll get more than a thousand francs for that. Just look at the craftsmanship of the brass; it’s a model piece. There’s potential here.... It has never been duplicated; it’s a unique item made just for Mme. de Pompadour’—and so on, until my man, all fired up over his what-not, forgets about the fan and lets me have it for a mere pittance, because I’ve pointed out the beauties of his piece of Riesener’s furniture. So here it is; but it takes a lot of experience to make a deal like that. It’s a duel, eye to eye; and who has sharper eyes than a Jew or an Auvergnat?”
The old artist’s wonderful pantomime, his vivid, eager way of telling the story of the triumph of his shrewdness over the dealer’s ignorance, would have made a subject for a Dutch painter; but it was all thrown away upon the audience. Mother and daughter exchanged cold, contemptuous glances.—“What an oddity!” they seemed to say.
The old artist's amazing performance, with his lively and enthusiastic way of telling the story of how his cleverness triumphed over the dealer's ignorance, would have been a perfect subject for a Dutch painter; but it was completely lost on the audience. The mother and daughter exchanged icy, disdainful looks.—“What a weirdo!” they seemed to say.
“So it amuses you?” remarked Mme. de Marville. The question sent a cold chill through Pons; he felt a strong desire to slap the Presidente.
“So it makes you laugh?” said Mme. de Marville. The question sent a cold chill through Pons; he felt a strong urge to slap the Presidente.
“Why, my dear cousin, that is the way to hunt down a work of art. You are face to face with antagonists that dispute the game with you. It is craft against craft! A work of art in the hands of a Norman, an Auvergnat, or a Jew, is like a princess guarded by magicians in a fairy tale.”
“Why, my dear cousin, that's how you track down a piece of art. You're up against rivals who are competing with you for it. It's skill versus skill! A piece of art in the hands of a Norman, an Auvergnat, or a Jew is like a princess defended by magicians in a fairy tale.”
“And how can you tell that this is by Wat—what do you call him?”
“And how can you tell that this is by Wat—what do you call him?”
“Watteau, cousin. One of the greatest eighteenth century painters in France. Look! do you not see that it is his work?” (pointing to a pastoral scene, court-shepherd swains and shepherdesses dancing in a ring). “The movement! the life in it! the coloring! There it is—see!—painted with a stroke of the brush, as a writing-master makes a flourish with a pen. Not a trace of effort here! And, turn it over, look!—a ball in a drawing-room. Summer and Winter! And what ornaments! and how well preserved it is! The hinge-pin is gold, you see, and on cleaning it, I found a tiny ruby at either side.”
“Watteau, cousin. One of the greatest painters of the eighteenth century in France. Look! Can’t you see that it’s his work?” (pointing to a pastoral scene, with shepherds and shepherdesses dancing in a circle). “The movement! The life in it! The colors! There it is—see!—painted with a stroke of the brush, just like a calligrapher makes a flourish with a pen. Not a hint of effort here! And, turn it over, look!—a ball in a drawing room. Summer and Winter! And what decorations! And it’s so well preserved! The hinge pin is gold, you see, and when I cleaned it, I found a tiny ruby on either side.”
“If it is so, cousin, I could not think of accepting such a valuable present from you. It would be better to lay up the money for yourself,” said Mme. de Marville; but all the same, she asked no better than to keep the splendid fan.
“If that's the case, cousin, I can’t imagine accepting such a generous gift from you. It would be wiser to save that money for yourself,” said Mme. de Marville; but still, she couldn’t help but want to keep the beautiful fan.
“It is time that it should pass from the service of Vice into the hands of Virtue,” said the good soul, recovering his assurance. “It has taken a century to work the miracle. No princess at Court, you may be sure, will have anything to compare with it; for, unfortunately, men will do more for a Pompadour than for a virtuous queen, such is human nature.”
“It’s time for it to move from serving Vice to being in the hands of Virtue,” said the kind-hearted man, regaining his confidence. “It has taken a hundred years to achieve this miracle. No princess at Court, you can be sure of that, will have anything that compares; because, unfortunately, men will do more for a Pompadour than for a virtuous queen, such is human nature.”
“Very well,” Mme. de Marville said, laughing, “I will accept your present.—Cecile, my angel, go to Madeleine and see that dinner is worthy of your cousin.”
“Alright,” Mme. de Marville said, laughing, “I’ll accept your gift.—Cecile, my dear, go to Madeleine and make sure dinner is suitable for your cousin.”
Mme. de Marville wished to make matters even. Her request, made aloud, in defiance of all rules of good taste, sounded so much like an attempt to repay at once the balance due to the poor cousin, that Pons flushed red, like a girl found out in fault. The grain of sand was a little too large; for some moments he could only let it work in his heart. Cecile, a red-haired young woman, with a touch of pedantic affectation, combined her father’s ponderous manner with a trace of her mother’s hardness. She went and left poor Pons face to face with the terrible Presidente.
Mme. de Marville wanted to even the score. Her request, made out loud and completely ignoring all standards of good taste, felt like an attempt to instantly settle the debt owed to the poor cousin, causing Pons to blush, like a girl caught in a mistake. The irritation was a bit too much for him; for several moments, he could only let it fester in his heart. Cecile, a young woman with red hair and a hint of pretentiousness, blended her father’s serious demeanor with a bit of her mother’s toughness. She left, leaving poor Pons to face the formidable Presidente alone.
“How nice she is, my little Lili!” said the mother. She still called her Cecile by this baby name.
“How nice she is, my little Lili!” said the mother. She still called her Cecile by this cute name.
“Charming!” said Pons, twirling his thumbs.
“Charming!” said Pons, twiddling his thumbs.
“I cannot understand these times in which we live,” broke out the Presidente. “What is the good of having a President of the Court of Appeal in Paris and a Commander of the Legion of Honor for your father, and for a grandfather the richest wholesale silk merchant in Paris, a deputy, and a millionaire that will be a peer of France some of these days?”
“I can’t understand the times we live in,” the President exclaimed. “What’s the point of having a President of the Court of Appeal in Paris and a Commander of the Legion of Honor for a father, not to mention a grandfather who’s the richest wholesale silk merchant in Paris, a deputy, and a millionaire who’s going to be a peer of France soon?”
The President’s zeal for the new Government had, in fact, recently been rewarded with a commander’s ribbon—thanks to his friendship with Popinot, said the envious. Popinot himself, modest though he was, had, as has been seen, accepted the title of count, “for his son’s sake,” he told his numerous friends.
The President’s enthusiasm for the new Government had actually just earned him a commander’s ribbon—thanks to his friendship with Popinot, or so the jealous said. Popinot himself, though modest, had accepted the title of count, saying it was “for his son’s sake,” to his many friends.
“Men look for nothing but money nowadays,” said Cousin Pons. “No one thinks anything of you unless you are rich, and—”
“Guys only care about money these days,” said Cousin Pons. “No one thinks anything of you unless you’re wealthy, and—”
“What would it have been if Heaven had spared my poor little Charles!—” cried the lady.
“What could it have been if Heaven had spared my poor little Charles!” cried the lady.
“Oh, with two children you would be poor,” returned the cousin. “It practically means the division of the property. But you need not trouble yourself, cousin; Cecile is sure to marry sooner or later. She is the most accomplished girl I know.”
“Oh, with two kids you’d be broke,” replied the cousin. “It practically means splitting the property. But don’t worry about it, cousin; Cecile is bound to marry sooner or later. She’s the most talented girl I know.”
To such depths had Pons fallen by adapting himself to the company of his entertainers! In their houses he echoed their ideas, and said the obvious thing, after the manner of a chorus in a Greek play. He did not dare to give free play to the artist’s originality, which had overflowed in bright repartee when he was young; he had effaced himself, till he had almost lost his individuality; and if the real Pons appeared, as he had done a moment ago, he was immediately repressed.
To such lows had Pons sunk by conforming to his entertainers! In their homes, he mirrored their thoughts and stated the obvious, like a chorus in a Greek play. He didn’t dare let his artistic originality show, which had once flowed in lively banter when he was younger; he had erased himself, to the point where he had nearly lost his identity; and if the real Pons emerged, as he had just a moment ago, he was quickly silenced.
“But I myself was married with only twenty thousand francs for my portion—”
“But I was married with only twenty thousand francs as my share—”
“In 1819, cousin. And it was you, a woman with a head on your shoulders, and the royal protection of Louis XVIII.”
“In 1819, cousin. And it was you, a woman with common sense, and the royal backing of Louis XVIII.”
“Be still, my child is a perfect angel. She is clever, she has a warm heart, she will have a hundred thousand francs on her wedding day, to say nothing of the most brilliant expectations; and yet she stays on our hands,” and so on and so on. For twenty minutes, Mme. de Marville talked on about herself and her Cecile, pitying herself after the manner of mothers in bondage to marriageable daughters.
“Be calm, my child is a perfect angel. She’s smart, she has a kind heart, she’ll have a hundred thousand francs on her wedding day, not to mention the brightest prospects; and yet she’s still here with us,” and so on and so on. For twenty minutes, Mme. de Marville went on about herself and her Cecile, feeling sorry for herself like mothers who are tied down with daughters ready for marriage.
Pons had dined at the house every week for twenty years, and Camusot de Marville was the only cousin he had in the world; but he had yet to hear the first word spoken as to his own affairs—nobody cared to know how he lived. Here and elsewhere the poor cousin was a kind of sink down which his relatives poured domestic confidences. His discretion was well known; indeed, was he not bound over to silence when a single imprudent word would have shut the door of ten houses upon him? And he must combine his role of listener with a second part; he must applaud continually, smile on every one, accuse nobody, defend nobody; from his point of view, every one must be in the right. And so, in the house of his kinsman, Pons no longer counted as a man; he was a digestive apparatus.
Pons had eaten at the house every week for twenty years, and Camusot de Marville was the only cousin he had in the world; yet he had never heard anyone mention his own life—nobody bothered to find out how he lived. Here and elsewhere, the poor cousin was like a dumping ground for his relatives' personal secrets. Everyone knew he was discreet; after all, wasn't he sworn to silence since a single careless word could get him banned from ten households? He had to balance his role of listener with another duty; he had to constantly applaud, smile at everyone, blame no one, and defend no one; from his perspective, everyone had to be right. So, in his cousin's house, Pons was no longer seen as a person; he was just a way to digest information.
In the course of a long tirade, Mme. Camusot de Marville avowed with due circumspection that she was prepared to take almost any son-in-law with her eyes shut. She was even disposed to think that at eight-and-forty or so a man with twenty thousand francs a year was a good match.
In a lengthy rant, Mme. Camusot de Marville cautiously admitted that she was willing to accept just about any son-in-law with her eyes closed. She was even inclined to believe that at around forty-eight, a man earning twenty thousand francs a year was a solid choice.
“Cecile is in her twenty-third year. If it should fall out so unfortunately that she is not married before she is five or six-and-twenty, it will be extremely hard to marry her at all. When a girl reaches that age, people want to know why she has been so long on hand. We are a good deal talked about in our set. We have come to the end of all the ordinary excuses—‘She is so young.—She is so fond of her father and mother that she doesn’t like to leave them.—She is so happy at home.—She is hard to please, she would like a good name—’ We are beginning to look silly; I feel that distinctly. And besides, Cecile is tired of waiting, poor child, she suffers—”
“Cecile is 23 years old. If it happens that she’s not married by 25 or 26, it’s going to be really hard for her to get married at all. When a girl reaches that age, people start to wonder why she's still single. We talk about this a lot in our circle. We’ve run out of all the standard excuses—‘She’s so young.—She loves her parents so much that she doesn’t want to leave them.—She’s so happy at home.—She’s hard to please; she wants a good name—’ We’re starting to look ridiculous; I can feel it. Plus, Cecile is tired of waiting, poor thing; she’s suffering—”
“In what way?” Pons was noodle enough to ask.
“In what way?” Pons was silly enough to ask.
“Why, because it is humiliating to her to see all her girl friends married before her,” replied the mother, with a duenna’s air.
“Why, because it’s humiliating for her to see all her girlfriends married before her,” replied the mother, with a protective attitude.
“But, cousin, has anything happened since the last time that I had the pleasure of dining here? Why do you think of men of eight-and-forty?” Pons inquired humbly.
“But, cousin, has anything happened since the last time I had the pleasure of dining here? Why do you think about men in their late forties?” Pons asked modestly.
“This has happened,” returned the Presidente. “We were to have had an interview with a Court Councillor; his son is thirty years old and very well-to-do, and M. de Marville would have obtained a post in the audit-office for him and paid the money. The young man is a supernumerary there at present. And now they tell us that he has taken it into his head to rush off to Italy in the train of a duchess from the Bal Mabille.... It is nothing but a refusal in disguise. The fact is, the young man’s mother is dead; he has an income of thirty thousand francs, and more to come at his father’s death, and they don’t care about the match for him. You have just come in in the middle of all this, dear cousin, so you must excuse our bad temper.”
“This has happened,” replied the Presidente. “We were supposed to have an interview with a Court Councillor; his son is thirty years old and doing very well financially, and M. de Marville would have secured him a position in the audit office and covered the costs. The young man is currently a temp there. And now we hear that he has decided to run off to Italy with a duchess from the Bal Mabille.... It’s really nothing but a polite way of saying no. The truth is, the young man’s mother has passed away; he has an income of thirty thousand francs, and more to come when his father dies, so they’re not interested in the match for him. You’ve just walked in right in the middle of all this, dear cousin, so please excuse our bad mood.”
While Pons was casting about for the complimentary answer which invariably occurred to him too late when he was afraid of his host, Madeleine came in, handed a folded note to the Presidente, and waited for an answer. The note ran as follows:
While Pons was searching for the flattering response that always came to him too late when he was nervous around his host, Madeleine entered, handed a folded note to the Presidente, and waited for a reply. The note read as follows:
“DEAR MAMMA,—If we pretend that this note comes to you from papa at the Palais, and that he wants us both to dine with his friend because proposals have been renewed—then the cousin will go, and we can carry out our plan of going to the Popinots.”
“DEAR MOM,—If we act like this note is coming to you from Dad at the Palais, and that he wants us both to have dinner with his friend because the proposals have been brought up again—then the cousin will go, and we can go ahead with our plan to visit the Popinots.”
“Who brought the master’s note?” the Presidente asked quickly.
“Who brought the master's note?” the President asked quickly.
“A lad from the Salle du Palais,” the withered waiting woman unblushingly answered, and her mistress knew at once that Madeleine had woven the plot with Cecile, now at the end of her patience.
“A guy from the Salle du Palais,” the old waitress answered without embarrassment, and her mistress immediately realized that Madeleine had teamed up with Cecile, who was now completely fed up.
“Tell him that we will both be there at half-past five.”
“Tell him that we’ll both be there at 5:30.”
Madeleine had no sooner left the room than the Presidente turned to Cousin Pons with that insincere friendliness which is about as grateful to a sensitive soul as a mixture of milk and vinegar to the palate of an epicure.
Madeleine had barely left the room when the Presidente turned to Cousin Pons with a feigned friendliness that is just as unpleasant to a sensitive person as a mix of milk and vinegar is to a gourmet’s taste.
“Dinner is ordered, dear cousin; you must dine without us; my husband has just sent word from the court that the question of the marriage has been reopened, and we are to dine with the Councillor. We need not stand on ceremony at all. Do just as if you were at home. I have no secrets from you; I am perfectly open with you, as you see. I am sure you would not wish to break off the little darling’s marriage.”
“Dinner is ordered, dear cousin; you’ll have to eat without us; my husband just sent word from the court that they’ve reopened the marriage discussion, and we’re supposed to dine with the Councillor. There’s no need to be formal at all. Just act like you’re at home. I have no secrets from you; I’m completely open with you, as you can see. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to end the little darling’s engagement.”
“I, cousin? On the contrary, I should like to find some one for her; but in my circle—”
“I, cousin? On the contrary, I would like to find someone for her; but in my circle—”
“Oh, that is not at all likely,” said the Presidente, cutting him short insolently. “Then you will stay, will you not? Cecile will keep you company while I dress.
“Oh, that's not likely at all,” said the Presidente, interrupting him rudely. “So you'll stay, right? Cecile will keep you company while I get ready.
“Oh! I can dine somewhere else, cousin.”
“Oh! I can eat somewhere else, cousin.”
Cruelly hurt though he was by her way of casting up his poverty to him, the prospect of being left alone with the servants was even more alarming.
Cruelly hurt as he was by her bringing up his poverty, the thought of being left alone with the servants was even more terrifying.
“But why should you? Dinner is ready; you may just as well have it; if you do not, the servants will eat it.”
“But why should you? Dinner is ready; you might as well have it; if you don’t, the servants will eat it.”
At that atrocious speech Pons started up as if he had received a shock from a galvanic battery, bowed stiffly to the lady, and went to find his spencer. Now, it so happened that the door of Cecile’s bedroom, beyond the little drawing-room, stood open, and looking into the mirror, he caught sight of the girl shaking with laughter as she gesticulated and made signs to her mother. The old artist understood beyond a doubt that he had been the victim of some cowardly hoax. Pons went slowly down the stairs; he could not keep back the tears. He understood that he had been turned out of the house, but why and wherefore he did not know.
At that terrible speech, Pons reacted as if he had been jolted by an electric shock, stiffly bowed to the lady, and went to look for his jacket. It just so happened that the door to Cecile’s bedroom, beyond the small drawing-room, was open, and as he glanced in the mirror, he saw the girl shaking with laughter as she gestured and made signs to her mother. The old artist realized for sure that he had been the target of some cruel trick. Pons slowly descended the stairs, unable to hold back his tears. He understood that he had been kicked out of the house, but he didn't know why or for what reason.
“I am growing too old,” he told himself. “The world has a horror of old age and poverty—two ugly things. After this I will not go anywhere unless I am asked.”
“I’m getting too old,” he thought to himself. “The world has a fear of old age and poverty—two unpleasant things. From now on, I won’t go anywhere unless I’m invited.”
Heroic resolve!
Heroic determination!
Downstairs the great gate was shut, as it usually is in houses occupied by the proprietor; the kitchen stood exactly opposite the porter’s lodge, and the door was open. Pons was obliged to listen while Madeleine told the servants the whole story amid the laughter of the servants. She had not expected him to leave so soon. The footman loudly applauded a joke at the expense of a visitor who was always coming to the house and never gave you more than three francs at the year’s end.
Downstairs, the big gate was closed, just like it usually is in homes where the owner is present; the kitchen was directly across from the porter’s lodge, and the door was open. Pons had to listen as Madeleine shared the whole story with the staff, surrounded by their laughter. She hadn’t expected him to leave so soon. The footman loudly cheered a joke about a visitor who was always coming to the house and never gave more than three francs at the end of the year.
“Yes,” put in the cook; “but if he cuts up rough and does not come back, there will be three francs the less for some of us on New Year’s day.”
“Yes,” the cook added; “but if he acts up and doesn’t come back, there will be three francs less for some of us on New Year’s Day.”
“Eh! How is he to know?” retorted the footman.
“Hey! How is he supposed to know?” replied the footman.
“Pooh!” said Madeleine, “a little sooner or a little later—what difference does it make? The people at the other houses where he dines are so tired of him that they are going to turn him out.”
“Pooh!” said Madeleine, “a little sooner or a little later—what difference does it make? The people at the other houses where he eats are so tired of him that they’re going to kick him out.”
“The gate, if you please!”
"Please open the gate!"
Madeleine had scarcely uttered the words when they heard the old musician’s call to the porter. It sounded like a cry of pain. There was a sudden silence in the kitchen.
Madeleine had barely spoken when they heard the old musician's call to the porter. It sounded like a cry of pain. There was a sudden silence in the kitchen.
“He heard!” the footman said.
“He heard!” the servant said.
“Well, and if he did, so much the worser, or rather so much the better,” retorted Madeleine. “He is an arrant skinflint.”
“Well, if he did, that's even worse, or actually, even better,” retorted Madeleine. “He's a complete miser.”
Poor Pons had lost none of the talk in the kitchen; he heard it all, even to the last word. He made his way home along the boulevards, in the same state, physical and mental, as an old woman after a desperate struggle with burglars. As he went he talked to himself in quick spasmodic jerks; his honor had been wounded, and the pain of it drove him on as a gust of wind whirls away a straw. He found himself at last in the Boulevard du Temple; how he had come thither he could not tell. It was five o’clock, and, strange to say, he had completely lost his appetite.
Poor Pons hadn’t missed a single conversation in the kitchen; he heard everything, right down to the last word. He made his way home along the boulevards, feeling just like an old woman after a terrifying encounter with burglars. As he walked, he spoke to himself in quick, fitful bursts; his honor had been hurt, and the pain of it pushed him forward like a gust of wind sweeping away a piece of straw. He finally found himself on the Boulevard du Temple; he couldn’t remember how he had gotten there. It was five o’clock, and oddly enough, he had completely lost his appetite.
But if the reader is to understand the revolution which Pons’ unexpected return at that hour was to work in the Rue de Normandie, the promised biography of Mme. Cibot must be given in this place.
But if the reader is to grasp the impact that Pons’ unexpected return at that hour would have on the Rue de Normandie, the promised biography of Mme. Cibot must be included here.
Any one passing along the Rue de Normandie might be pardoned for thinking that he was in some small provincial town. Grass runs to seed in the street, everybody knows everybody else, and the sight of a stranger is an event. The houses date back to the reign of Henry IV., when there was a scheme afoot for a quarter in which every street was to be named after a French province, and all should converge in a handsome square to which La France should stand godmother. The Quartier de l’Europe was a revival of the same idea; history repeats itself everywhere in the world, and even in the world of speculation.
Anyone walking down Rue de Normandie might easily think they were in a small town. Grass grows wild in the street, everyone knows each other, and the appearance of a newcomer is noteworthy. The houses date back to the time of Henry IV, when there was a plan for a neighborhood where every street was to be named after a French province, all leading to a beautiful square that would be supported by La France. The Quartier de l’Europe was a revival of that same idea; history repeats itself everywhere, even in the world of speculation.
The house in which the two musicians used to live is an old mansion with a courtyard in front and a garden at the back; but the front part of the house which gives upon the street is comparatively modern, built during the eighteenth century when the Marais was a fashionable quarter. The friends lived at the back, on the second floor of the old part of the house. The whole building belongs to M. Pillerault, an old man of eighty, who left matters very much in the hands of M. and Mme. Cibot, his porters for the past twenty-six years.
The house where the two musicians used to live is an old mansion with a courtyard in front and a garden at the back; however, the front part of the house that faces the street is relatively modern, built during the eighteenth century when the Marais was a trendy neighborhood. The friends lived in the back, on the second floor of the old part of the house. The entire building belongs to M. Pillerault, an eighty-year-old man who has largely left things in the hands of M. and Mme. Cibot, his porters for the last twenty-six years.
Now, as a porter cannot live by his lodge alone, the aforesaid Cibot had other means of gaining a livelihood; and supplemented his five per cent on the rental and his faggot from every cartload of wood by his own earnings as a tailor. In time Cibot ceased to work for the master tailors; he made a connection among the little trades-people of the quarter, and enjoyed a monopoly of the repairs, renovations, and fine drawing of all the coats and trousers in three adjacent streets. The lodge was spacious and wholesome, and boasted a second room; wherefore the Cibot couple were looked upon as among the luckiest porters in the arrondissement.
Now, a porter can't rely on just his lodge for a living, so Cibot had other ways to earn money. He added to his five percent from the rent and his fee from every load of wood with his own work as a tailor. Eventually, Cibot stopped working for the master tailors; he built connections with the small shopkeepers in the area and held a monopoly on the repairs, renovations, and alterations of all the coats and pants in three nearby streets. The lodge was spacious and comfortable, and it had a second room, so the Cibot couple were considered some of the luckiest porters in the neighborhood.
Cibot, small and stunted, with a complexion almost olive-colored by reason of sitting day in day out in Turk-fashion on a table level with the barred window, made about twelve or fourteen francs a week. He worked still, though he was fifty-eight years old, but fifty-eight is the porter’s golden age; he is used to his lodge, he and his room fit each other like the shell and the oyster, and “he is known in the neighborhood.”
Cibot, small and slightly deformed, had a complexion almost olive-colored from sitting day after day in a Turkish style at a table level with the barred window, earned about twelve or fourteen francs a week. He continued to work, even though he was fifty-eight years old, but fifty-eight is the golden age for a porter; he’s comfortable in his lodge, and he and his room fit together like a shell and an oyster, plus “he is known in the neighborhood.”
Mme. Cibot, sometime opener of oysters at the Cadran Bleu, after all the adventures which come unsought to the belle of an oyster-bar, left her post for love of Cibot at the age of twenty-eight. The beauty of a woman of the people is short-lived, especially if she is planted espalier fashion at a restaurant door. Her features are hardened by puffs of hot air from the kitchen; the color of the heeltaps of customers’ bottles, finished in the company of the waiters, gradually filters into her complexion—no beauty is full blown so soon as the beauty of an oyster-opener. Luckily for Mme. Cibot, lawful wedlock and a portress’ life were offered to her just in time; while she still preserved a comeliness of a masculine order slandered by rivals of the Rue de Normandie, who called her “a great blowsy thing,” Mme. Cibot might have sat as a model to Rubens. Those flesh tints reminded you of the appetizing sheen on a pat of Isigny butter; but plump as she was, no woman went about her work with more agility. Mme. Cibot had attained the time of life when women of her stamp are obliged to shave—which is as much as to say that she had reached the age of forty-eight. A porter’s wife with a moustache is one of the best possible guarantees of respectability and security that a landlord can have. If Delacroix could have seen Mme. Cibot leaning proudly on her broom handle, he would assuredly have painted her as Bellona.
Mme. Cibot, once an oyster server at the Cadran Bleu, after all the unexpected experiences that come to the beauty of an oyster bar, left her job for love of Cibot at the age of twenty-eight. The beauty of a working-class woman is short-lived, especially when she stands at the door of a restaurant. Her features are toughened by the hot air from the kitchen; the color of the leftover drinks from customers slowly seeps into her skin—no beauty wilts as quickly as that of an oyster opener. Fortunately for Mme. Cibot, she was offered marriage and a life as a porter’s wife just in time; while she still held onto a certain rugged attractiveness, her rivals on Rue de Normandie mocked her as “a great blowsy thing.” Mme. Cibot could have been a model for Rubens. Her skin tones reminded you of the delicious sheen on a pat of Isigny butter; and despite her plumpness, no one worked with more energy than she did. Mme. Cibot had reached the age when women of her kind often start to shave—which means she was forty-eight. A porter’s wife with a mustache is one of the best signs of respectability and security that a landlord can hope for. If Delacroix had seen Mme. Cibot confidently leaning on her broom, he would surely have painted her as Bellona.
Strange as it may seem, the circumstances of the Cibots, man and wife (in the style of an indictment), were one day to affect the lives of the two friends; wherefore the chronicler, as in duty bound, must give some particulars as to the Cibots’ lodge.
Strange as it may seem, the situation of the Cibots, husband and wife (in the style of an indictment), was one day going to impact the lives of the two friends; therefore, the chronicler, as required, must provide some details about the Cibots’ lodge.
The house brought in about eight thousand francs for there were three complete sets of apartments—back and front, on the side nearest the Rue de Normandie, as well as the three floors in the older mansion between the courtyard and the garden, and a shop kept by a marine store-dealer named Remonencq, which fronted on the street. During the past few months this Remonencq had begun to deal in old curiosities, and knew the value of Pons’ collection so well that he took off his hat whenever the musician came in or went out.
The house brought in about eight thousand francs because there were three complete sets of apartments—front and back, on the side closest to Rue de Normandie, as well as three floors in the older mansion between the courtyard and the garden, and a shop run by a marine store dealer named Remonencq, which faced the street. In recent months, this Remonencq had started dealing in old curiosities and knew the value of Pons’ collection so well that he took off his hat whenever the musician entered or exited.
A sou in the livre on eight thousand francs therefore brought in about four hundred francs to the Cibots. They had no rent to pay and no expenses for firing; Cibot’s earnings amounted on an average to seven or eight hundred francs, add tips at New Year, and the pair had altogether in income of sixteen hundred francs, every penny of which they spent, for the Cibots lived and fared better than working people usually do. “One can only live once,” La Cibot used to say. She was born during the Revolution, you see, and had never learned her Catechism.
A sou in the livre on eight thousand francs brought in about four hundred francs to the Cibots. They had no rent to pay and no costs for heating; Cibot’s earnings averaged around seven or eight hundred francs, plus tips at New Year, so the couple had a total income of sixteen hundred francs, all of which they spent, since the Cibots lived better than most working people. “You only live once,” La Cibot would say. She was born during the Revolution, you see, and had never learned her Catechism.
The husband of this portress with the unblenching tawny eyes was an object of envy to the whole fraternity, for La Cibot had not forgotten the knowledge of cookery picked up at the Cadran Bleu. So it had come to pass that the Cibots had passed the prime of life, and saw themselves on the threshold of old age without a hundred francs put by for the future. Well clad and well fed, they enjoyed among the neighbors, it is true, the respect due to twenty-six years of strict honesty; for if they had nothing of their own, they “hadn’t nothing belonging to nobody else,” according to La Cibot, who was a prodigal of negatives. “There wasn’t never such a love of a man,” she would say to her husband. Do you ask why? You might as well ask the reason of her indifference in matters of religion.
The husband of this doorkeeper with the unflinching tan eyes was envied by everyone in the neighborhood, because La Cibot hadn’t forgotten the cooking skills she learned at the Cadran Bleu. So it turned out that the Cibots had moved past their prime and found themselves on the brink of old age without a hundred francs saved for the future. Well-dressed and well-fed, they enjoyed the respect of their neighbors, thanks to twenty-six years of honest living; for although they owned nothing, they “didn’t owe anything to anyone,” as La Cibot would often say, using a lot of negatives. “There’s never been such a sweetheart of a man,” she would tell her husband. Why, you ask? You might as well question her indifference toward religion.
Both of them were proud of a life lived in open day, of the esteem in which they were held for six or seven streets round about, and of the autocratic rule permitted to them by the proprietor (“perprietor,” they called him); but in private they groaned because they had no money lying at interest. Cibot complained of pains in his hands and legs, and his wife would lament that her poor, dear Cibot should be forced to work at his age; and, indeed, the day is not far distant when a porter after thirty years of such a life will cry shame upon the injustice of the Government and clamor for the ribbon of the Legion of Honor. Every time that the gossip of the quarter brought news of such and such a servant-maid, left an annuity of three or four hundred francs after eight or ten years of service, the porters’ lodges would resound with complaints, which may give some idea of the consuming jealousies in the lowest walks of life in Paris.
Both of them took pride in a life lived out in the open, in the respect they earned from six or seven streets around, and in the authority given to them by the owner (“perprietor,” as they called him); but in private, they grumbled because they had no money earning interest. Cibot complained of pain in his hands and legs, and his wife would mourn that her poor, dear Cibot had to work at his age; indeed, the day isn’t far off when a porter after thirty years of such a life will decry the injustice of the Government and demand the ribbon of the Legion of Honor. Every time the neighborhood gossip brought news of some servant girl leaving behind an annuity of three or four hundred francs after eight or ten years of work, the porters’ lodges would fill with complaints, which might give some idea of the intense jealousy in the lower ranks of life in Paris.
“Oh, indeed! It will never happen to the like of us to have our names mentioned in a will! We have no luck, but we do more than servants, for all that. We fill a place of trust; we give receipts, we are on the lookout for squalls, and yet we are treated like dogs, neither more nor less, and that’s the truth!”
“Oh, for sure! It’s never going to happen for people like us to have our names in a will! We just have no luck, but we do more than just serve, despite that. We hold a position of trust; we issue receipts, we watch out for trouble, and still, we’re treated like dogs, nothing more and nothing less, and that’s the truth!”
“Some find fortune and some miss fortune,” said Cibot, coming in with a coat.
“Some find luck and some miss out,” said Cibot, walking in with a coat.
“If I had left Cibot here in his lodge and taken a place as cook, we should have our thirty thousand francs out at interest,” cried Mme. Cibot, standing chatting with a neighbor, her hands on her prominent hips. “But I didn’t understand how to get on in life; housed inside of a snug lodge and firing found and want for nothing, but that is all.”
“If I had left Cibot here in his lodge and taken a job as a cook, we would have our thirty thousand francs invested,” exclaimed Mme. Cibot, chatting with a neighbor, her hands placed on her hips. “But I didn't know how to navigate life; living in a cozy lodge and having everything I needed, but that's all there is to it.”
In 1836, when the friends took up their abode on the second floor, they brought about a sort of revolution in the Cibot household. It befell on this wise. Schmucke, like his friend Pons, usually arranged that the porter or the porter’s wife should undertake the cares of housekeeping; and being both of one mind on this point when they came to live in the Rue de Normandie, Mme. Cibot became their housekeeper at the rate of twenty-five francs per month—twelve francs fifty centimes for each of them. Before the year was out, the emeritus portress reigned in the establishment of the two old bachelors, as she reigned everywhere in the house belonging to M. Pillerault, great uncle of Mme. le Comtesse Popinot. Their business was her business; she called them “my gentlemen.” And at last, finding the pair of nutcrackers as mild as lambs, easy to live with, and by no means suspicious—perfect children, in fact—her heart, the heart of a woman of the people, prompted her to protect, adore, and serve them with such thorough devotion, that she read them a lecture now and again, and saved them from the impositions which swell the cost of living in Paris. For twenty-five francs a month, the two old bachelors inadvertently acquired a mother.
In 1836, when the friends moved to the second floor, they caused a sort of revolution in the Cibot household. Here’s how it happened. Schmucke, like his friend Pons, usually arranged for the porter or the porter’s wife to handle the housekeeping; and since they both agreed on this when they settled in Rue de Normandie, Mme. Cibot became their housekeeper for twenty-five francs a month—twelve francs fifty centimes each. Before the year was over, the former portress held sway in the home of the two old bachelors, just as she did throughout the building owned by M. Pillerault, the great-uncle of Mme. le Comtesse Popinot. Their affairs were her affairs; she referred to them as “my gentlemen.” Eventually, realizing the pair was as gentle as lambs, easy to live with, and not at all suspicious—essentially perfect children—her heart, as a woman of the people, drove her to protect, adore, and serve them with such dedication that she occasionally lectured them and saved them from the overcharging that inflates living costs in Paris. For twenty-five francs a month, the two old bachelors unwittingly gained a mother.
As they became aware of Mme. Cibot’s full value, they gave her outspoken praises, and thanks, and little presents which strengthened the bonds of the domestic alliance. Mme. Cibot a thousand times preferred appreciation to money payments; it is a well-known fact that the sense that one is appreciated makes up for a deficiency in wages. And Cibot did all that he could for his wife’s two gentlemen, and ran errands and did repairs at half-price for them.
As they recognized Mme. Cibot’s true worth, they openly praised her, offered thanks, and gave small gifts that reinforced their domestic partnership. Mme. Cibot preferred appreciation over cash; it’s a known fact that feeling valued compensates for low wages. And Cibot did everything he could for his wife’s two gentlemen, running errands and doing repairs for them at half price.
The second year brought a new element into the friendship between the lodge and the second floor, and Schmucke concluded a bargain which satisfied his indolence and desire for a life without cares. For thirty sous per day, or forty-five francs per month, Mme. Cibot undertook to provide Schmucke with breakfast and dinner; and Pons, finding his friend’s breakfast very much to his mind, concluded a separate treaty for that meal only at the rate of eighteen francs. This arrangement, which added nearly ninety francs every month to the takings of the porter and his wife, made two inviolable beings of the lodgers; they became angels, cherubs, divinities. It is very doubtful whether the King of the French, who is supposed to understand economy, is as well served as the pair of nutcrackers used to be in those days.
The second year introduced a new dynamic into the friendship between the lodge and the second floor, and Schmucke made a deal that suited his laziness and desire for a carefree life. For thirty sous a day, or forty-five francs a month, Mme. Cibot agreed to provide Schmucke with breakfast and dinner; and Pons, finding his friend’s breakfast to his liking, made a separate deal for that meal alone at the price of eighteen francs. This arrangement, which brought nearly ninety francs extra each month to the porter and his wife, elevated the lodgers to a status of untouchable beings; they became angels, cherubs, divinities. It's quite questionable whether the King of the French, who is said to understand economics, received better service than those two nutcrackers did back in those days.
For them the milk issued pure from the can; they enjoyed a free perusal of all the morning papers taken by other lodgers, later risers, who were told, if need be, that the newspapers had not come yet. Mme. Cibot, moreover, kept their clothes, their rooms, and the landing as clean as a Flemish interior. As for Schmucke, he enjoyed unhoped-for happiness; Mme. Cibot had made life easy for him; he paid her about six francs a month, and she took charge of his linen, washing, and mending. Altogether, his expenses amounted to sixty-six francs per month (for he spent fifteen francs on tobacco), and sixty-six francs multiplied by twelve produces the sum total of seven hundred and ninety-two francs. Add two hundred and twenty francs for rent, rates, and taxes, and you have a thousand and twelve francs. Cibot was Schmucke’s tailor; his clothes cost him on average a hundred and fifty francs, which further swells the total to the sum of twelve hundred. On twelve hundred francs per annum this profound philosopher lived. How many people in Europe, whose one thought it is to come to Paris and live there, will be agreeably surprised to learn that you may exist in comfort upon an income of twelve hundred francs in the Rue de Normandie in the Marais, under the wing of a Mme. Cibot.
For them, the milk came straight from the can; they freely read all the morning papers taken by other guests, who woke up later and were told, if necessary, that the newspapers hadn't arrived yet. Mme. Cibot also kept their clothes, their rooms, and the landing spotless, like a Flemish interior. As for Schmucke, he found unexpected happiness; Mme. Cibot made life easy for him; he paid her around six francs a month, and she took care of his laundry, washing, and mending. In total, his expenses added up to sixty-six francs a month (since he spent fifteen francs on tobacco), and sixty-six francs times twelve equals seven hundred and ninety-two francs. Add two hundred and twenty francs for rent, utilities, and taxes, and you arrive at a total of one thousand and twelve francs. Cibot was Schmucke’s tailor; his clothes averaged a hundred and fifty francs, bringing the total to twelve hundred. This deep thinker lived on twelve hundred francs a year. How many people in Europe, whose only desire is to come to Paris and make it their home, would be pleasantly surprised to learn that you can live comfortably on an income of twelve hundred francs in Rue de Normandie in the Marais, under the care of Mme. Cibot?
Mme. Cibot, to resume the story, was amazed beyond expression to see Pons, good man, return at five o’clock in the evening. Such a thing had never happened before; and not only so, but “her gentleman” had given her no greeting—had not so much as seen her!
Mme. Cibot, to get back to the story, was incredibly shocked to see Pons, the good man, come back at five in the evening. That had never happened before; and not only that, but “her gentleman” hadn’t even said hello—hadn’t even acknowledged her!
“Well, well, Cibot,” said she to her spouse, “M. Pons has come in for a million, or gone out of his mind!”
“Well, well, Cibot,” she said to her husband, “M. Pons has either come into a million or lost his mind!”
“That is how it looks to me,” said Cibot, dropping the coat-sleeve in which he was making a “dart,” in tailor’s language.
“That’s how it looks to me,” Cibot said, dropping the coat sleeve he was using to make a “dart,” in tailor’s terms.
The savory odor of a stew pervaded the whole courtyard, as Pons returned mechanically home. Mme. Cibot was dishing up Schmucke’s dinner, which consisted of scraps of boiled beef from a little cook-shop not above doing a little trade of this kind. These morsels were fricasseed in brown butter, with thin slices of onion, until the meat and vegetables had absorbed the gravy and this true porter’s dish was browned to the right degree. With that fricassee, prepared with loving care for Cibot and Schmucke, and accompanied by a bottle of beer and a piece of cheese, the old German music-master was quite content. Not King Solomon in all his glory, be sure, could dine better than Schmucke. A dish of boiled beef fricasseed with onions, scraps of saute chicken, or beef and parsley, or venison, or fish served with a sauce of La Cibot’s own invention (a sauce with which a mother might unsuspectingly eat her child),—such was Schmucke’s ordinary, varying with the quantity and quality of the remnants of food supplied by boulevard restaurants to the cook-shop in the Rue Boucherat. Schmucke took everything that “goot Montame Zipod” gave him, and was content, and so from day to day “goot Montame Zipod” cut down the cost of his dinner, until it could be served for twenty sous.
The delicious smell of stew filled the entire courtyard as Pons walked home in a daze. Mme. Cibot was serving Schmucke’s dinner, which was made up of chunks of boiled beef from a little eatery that didn’t mind doing a bit of this kind of business. These pieces were sautéed in brown butter, with thin slices of onion, until the meat and veggies soaked up the gravy and this classic dish was browned just right. With that fricassee, lovingly prepared for Cibot and Schmucke, along with a bottle of beer and a piece of cheese, the old German music teacher was quite satisfied. No one, not even King Solomon in all his splendor, could eat better than Schmucke. A plate of boiled beef with onions, leftover chicken, or beef with parsley, or venison, or fish served with a sauce of La Cibot’s own creation (a sauce so good a mother might unknowingly eat her own child)—that was Schmucke’s usual fare, changing depending on the amount and quality of leftovers the boulevard restaurants provided to the eatery on Rue Boucherat. Schmucke accepted everything that “good Madame Cibot” gave him, and was happy about it, so day by day “good Madame Cibot” lowered the cost of his dinner until it could be served for twenty sous.
“It won’t be long afore I find out what is the matter with him, poor dear,” said Mme. Cibot to her husband, “for here is M. Schmucke’s dinner all ready for him.”
“It won’t be long before I find out what’s wrong with him, poor dear,” said Mme. Cibot to her husband, “because here’s M. Schmucke’s dinner all ready for him.”
As she spoke she covered the deep earthenware dish with a plate; and, notwithstanding her age, she climbed the stair and reached the door before Schmucke opened it to Pons.
As she spoke, she covered the deep earthenware dish with a plate; and, despite her age, she climbed the stairs and reached the door before Schmucke opened it for Pons.
“Vat is de matter mit you, mein goot friend?” asked the German, scared by the expression of Pons’ face.
“What's the matter with you, my good friend?” asked the German, frightened by the look on Pons’ face.
“I will tell you all about it; but I have come home to have dinner with you—”
“I'll tell you all about it, but I've come home to have dinner with you—”
“Tinner! tinner!” cried Schmucke in ecstasy; “but it is impossible!” the old German added, as he thought of his friend’s gastronomical tastes; and at that very moment he caught sight of Mme. Cibot listening to the conversation, as she had a right to do as his lawful housewife. Struck with one of those happy inspirations which only enlighten a friend’s heart, he marched up to the portress and drew her out to the stairhead.
“Tinner! Tinner!” cried Schmucke excitedly; “but it can’t be true!” the old German added, thinking about his friend’s food preferences; and just then he noticed Mme. Cibot eavesdropping on the conversation, as she was entitled to do as his legitimate partner. Inspired by one of those great ideas that only shine in a friend’s heart, he walked over to the portress and led her out to the top of the stairs.
“Montame Zipod,” he said, “der goot Pons is fond of goot dings; shoost go rount to der Catran Pleu und order a dainty liddle tinner, mit anjovies und maggaroni. Ein tinner for Lugullus, in vact.”
“Montame Zipod,” he said, “the good Pons likes good things; just go around to the Catran Pleu and order a nice little dinner, with anchovies and macaroni. One dinner for Lugullus, in fact.”
“What is that?” inquired La Cibot.
“What is that?” asked La Cibot.
“Oh! ah!” returned Schmucke, “it is veal a la pourcheoise” (bourgeoise, he meant), “a nice fisch, ein pottle off Porteaux, und nice dings, der fery best dey haf, like groquettes of rice und shmoked pacon! Bay for it, und say nodings; I vill gif you back de monny to-morrow morning.”
“Oh! ah!” replied Schmucke, “it is veal a la pourcheoise” (bourgeoise, he meant), “a nice fish, a bottle of Port, and nice things, the very best they have, like rice croquettes and smoked bacon! Pay for it and say nothing; I’ll give you the money back tomorrow morning.”
Back went Schmucke, radiant and rubbing his hands; but his expression slowly changed to a look of bewildered astonishment as he heard Pons’ story of the troubles that had but just now overwhelmed him in a moment. He tried to comfort Pons by giving him a sketch of the world from his own point of view. Paris, in his opinion, was a perpetual hurly-burly, the men and women in it were whirled away by a tempestuous waltz; it was no use expecting anything of the world, which only looked at the outsides of things, “und not at der inderior.” For the hundredth time he related how that the only three pupils for whom he had really cared, for whom he was ready to die, the three who had been fond of him, and even allowed him a little pension of nine hundred francs, each contributing three hundred to the amount—his favorite pupils had quite forgotten to come to see him; and so swift was the current of Parisian life which swept them away, that if he called at their houses, he had not succeeded in seeing them once in three years—(it is a fact, however, that Schmucke had always thought fit to call on these great ladies at ten o’clock in the morning!)—still, his pension was paid quarterly through the medium of solicitors.
Back went Schmucke, beaming and rubbing his hands; but his expression slowly shifted to one of confused astonishment as he listened to Pons’ story about the troubles that had just overwhelmed him in an instant. He tried to comfort Pons by sharing his perspective on the world. In his view, Paris was a constant whirlwind, with people caught up in a chaotic dance; it was pointless to expect anything from the world, which only focused on appearances and "not on the inside." For the hundredth time, he recounted how the only three students he had truly cared about, the ones he would have died for, who had liked him and even gave him a small pension of nine hundred francs—each contributing three hundred—had completely forgotten to visit him. The current of Parisian life swept them away so fast that even if he visited their homes, he hadn’t been able to see them once in three years—(it’s worth noting that Schmucke always chose to visit these high-profile ladies at ten o’clock in the morning!)—still, his pension was paid quarterly through solicitors.
“Und yet, dey are hearts of gold,” he concluded. “Dey are my liddle Saint Cecilias, sharming vimmen, Montame de Bordentuere, Montame de Fantenesse, und Montame du Dilet. Gif I see dem at all, it is at die Jambs Elusees, und dey do not see me... yet dey are ver’ fond of me, und I might go to dine mit dem, und dey vould be ver’ bleased to see me; und I might go to deir country-houses, but I vould much rader be mit mine friend Bons, because I kann see him venefer I like, und efery tay.”
“Yet, they have hearts of gold,” he concluded. “They are my little Saint Cecilias, charming women, Madame de Bordentuere, Madame de Fantenesse, and Madame du Dilet. If I see them at all, it’s at the Champs-Élysées, and they don’t see me... yet they’re very fond of me, and I could go to dinner with them, and they would be very pleased to see me; and I could visit their country houses, but I would much rather be with my friend Bons because I can see him whenever I like, and every day.”
Pons took Schmucke’s hand and grasped it between his own. All that was passing in his inmost soul was communicated in that tight pressure. And so for awhile the friends sat like two lovers, meeting at last after a long absence.
Pons took Schmucke’s hand and held it tightly between his own. Everything he felt deep inside was expressed in that firm grip. And for a while, the friends sat together like two lovers finally reunited after a long time apart.
“Tine here, efery tay!” broke out Schmucke, inwardly blessing Mme. de Marville for her hardness of heart. “Look here! Ve shall go a prick-a-pracking togeders, und der teufel shall nefer show his tail here.”
“Tine here, every day!” exclaimed Schmucke, secretly grateful to Mme. de Marville for her coldness. “Listen! We’ll go prancing together, and the devil will never show his face here.”
“Ve shall go prick-a-pracking togeders!” for the full comprehension of those truly heroic words, it must be confessed that Schmucke’s ignorance of bric-a-brac was something of the densest. It required all the strength of his friendship to keep him from doing heedless damage in the sitting-room and study which did duty as a museum for Pons. Schmucke, wholly absorbed in music, a composer for love of his art, took about as much interest in his friend’s little trifles as a fish might take in a flower-show at the Luxembourg, supposing that it had received a ticket of admission. A certain awe which he certainly felt for the marvels was simply a reflection of the respect which Pons showed his treasures when he dusted them. To Pons’ exclamations of admiration, he was wont to reply with a “Yes, it is ver’ bretty,” as a mother answers baby-gestures with meaningless baby-talk. Seven times since the friends had lived together, Pons had exchanged a good clock for a better one, till at last he possessed a timepiece in Boule’s first and best manner, for Boule had two manners, as Raphael had three. In the first he combined ebony and copper; in the second—contrary to his convictions—he sacrificed to tortoise-shell inlaid work. In spite of Pons’ learned dissertations, Schmucke never could see the slightest difference between the magnificent clock in Boule’s first manner and its six predecessors; but, for Pons’ sake, Schmucke was even more careful among the “chimcracks” than Pons himself. So it should not be surprising that Schmucke’s sublime words comforted Pons in his despair; for “Ve shall go prick-a-pracking togeders,” meant, being interpreted, “I will put money into bric-a-brac, if you will only dine here.”
“Let’s go treasure hunting together!” To really understand those truly heroic words, it must be admitted that Schmucke’s lack of knowledge about knick-knacks was quite profound. It took all the strength of his friendship to prevent him from causing unintentional damage in the sitting room and study, which served as a museum for Pons. Schmucke, completely absorbed in music and a composer for the love of his art, showed about as much interest in his friend's little collectibles as a fish would in a flower show at the Luxembourg, assuming it had received a ticket. The awe he felt for the wonders was merely a reflection of the respect that Pons showed for his treasures while dusting them. In response to Pons’ enthusiastic remarks, he would reply with a “Yes, it is very pretty,” just like a mother responds to a baby’s gestures with meaningless baby talk. Seven times since the friends had been living together, Pons had traded a good clock for a better one, until finally he owned a timepiece in Boule’s first and finest style, as Boule had two styles, just like Raphael had three. In the first, he combined ebony and copper; in the second—contrary to his own beliefs—he used tortoise-shell inlaid work. Despite Pons’ scholarly explanations, Schmucke could never see the slightest difference between the magnificent clock in Boule’s first style and the six that preceded it; but, for Pons’ sake, Schmucke was even more careful around the “trinkets” than Pons himself. So it’s no surprise that Schmucke’s heartfelt words comforted Pons in his despair; for “Let’s go treasure hunting together” meant, when interpreted, “I will invest in knick-knacks if you’ll just have dinner here.”
“Dinner is ready,” Mme. Cibot announced, with astonishing self-possession.
“Dinner is ready,” Mme. Cibot announced, with remarkable calm.
It is not difficult to imagine Pons’ surprise when he saw and relished the dinner due to Schmucke’s friendship. Sensations of this kind, that came so rarely in a lifetime, are never the outcome of the constant, close relationship by which friend daily says to friend, “You are a second self to me”; for this, too, becomes a matter of use and wont. It is only by contact with the barbarism of the world without that the happiness of that intimate life is revealed to us as a sudden glad surprise. It is the outer world which renews the bond between friend and friend, lover and lover, all their lives long, wherever two great souls are knit together by friendship or by love.
It’s easy to imagine Pons’ surprise and joy at the dinner, thanks to Schmucke’s friendship. Moments like this, which happen so rarely in a lifetime, don’t come from the daily interaction where friends tell each other, “You’re like a second self to me”; that becomes routine. It’s only through contact with the harsh realities of the outside world that the bliss of that close relationship is revealed as a sudden, joyful surprise. The outside world is what keeps renewing the connection between friends and lovers throughout their lives, wherever two great souls are bonded by friendship or love.
Pons brushed away two big tears, Schmucke himself wiped his eyes; and though nothing was said, the two were closer friends than before. Little friendly nods and glances exchanged across the table were like balm to Pons, soothing the pain caused by the sand dropped in his heart by the President’s wife. As for Schmucke, he rubbed his hands till they were sore; for a new idea had occurred to him, one of those great discoveries which cause a German no surprise, unless they sprout up suddenly in a Teuton brain frost-bound by the awe and reverence due to sovereign princes.
Pons wiped away two big tears, and Schmucke also dried his eyes; and even though they didn't say anything, they felt like closer friends than before. The small friendly nods and glances exchanged across the table were comforting for Pons, easing the heartache caused by the President’s wife. As for Schmucke, he rubbed his hands until they hurt because a new idea had struck him, one of those big revelations that usually don't surprise a German unless they pop up suddenly in a mind that's frozen in awe and respect for royal figures.
“Mine goot Bons?” began Schmucke.
“Are my good bonds?” began Schmucke.
“I can guess what you mean; you would like us both to dine together here, every day—”
“I can guess what you mean; you want us to have dinner together here every day—”
“Gif only I vas rich enof to lif like dis efery tay—” began the good German in a melancholy voice. But here Mme. Cibot appeared upon the scene. Pons had given her an order for the theatre from time to time, and stood in consequence almost as high in her esteem and affection as her boarder Schmucke.
“if only I was rich enough to live like this every day—” began the good German in a sad tone. But at that moment, Mme. Cibot entered the scene. Pons had occasionally given her an order for the theater, and as a result, he stood almost as high in her esteem and affection as her boarder Schmucke.
“Lord love you,” said she, “for three francs and wine extra I can give you both such a dinner every day that you will be ready to lick the plates as clean as if they were washed.”
“God bless you,” she said, “for three francs and extra wine, I can give you both such a dinner every day that you’ll be ready to lick the plates clean as if they were washed.”
“It is a fact,” Schmucke remarked, “dat die dinners dat Montame Zipod cooks for me are better as de messes dey eat at der royal dable!” In his eagerness, Schmucke, usually so full of respect for the powers that be, so far forgot himself as to imitate the irreverent newspapers which scoffed at the “fixed-price” dinners of Royalty.
“It’s a fact,” Schmucke said, “that the dinners that Montame Zipod cooks for me are better than the messes they eat at the royal table!” In his enthusiasm, Schmucke, who usually showed great respect for authority, forgot himself to the point of mimicking the irreverent newspapers that ridiculed the “fixed-price” dinners of royalty.
“Really?” said Pons. “Very well, I will try to-morrow.”
“Really?” Pons said. “Alright, I'll give it a try tomorrow.”
And at that promise Schmucke sprang from one end of the table to the other, sweeping off tablecloth, bottles, and dishes as he went, and hugged Pons to his heart. So might gas rush to combine with gas.
And at that promise, Schmucke jumped from one end of the table to the other, knocking off the tablecloth, bottles, and dishes as he went, and hugged Pons tightly. It was like gas rushing to combine with gas.
“Vat happiness!” cried he.
"Feel the happiness!" he cried.
Mme. Cibot was quite touched. “Monsieur is going to dine here every day!” she cried proudly.
Mme. Cibot was really touched. “You're going to have dinner here every day!” she exclaimed proudly.
That excellent woman departed downstairs again in ignorance of the event which had brought about this result, entered her room like Josepha in William Tell, set down the plates and dishes on the table with a bang, and called aloud to her husband:
That amazing woman went downstairs again unaware of the event that led to this situation, entered her room like Josepha in William Tell, slammed the plates and dishes down on the table, and called out loudly to her husband:
“Cibot! run to the Cafe Turc for two small cups of coffee, and tell the man at the stove that it is for me.”
“Cibot! Run to the Cafe Turc and get two small cups of coffee, and let the guy at the stove know it’s for me.”
Then she sat down and rested her hands on her massive knees, and gazed out of the window at the opposite wall.
Then she sat down and rested her hands on her big knees, gazing out the window at the wall across from her.
“I will go to-night and see what Ma’am Fontaine says,” she thought. (Madame Fontaine told fortunes on the cards for all the servants in the quarter of the Marais.) “Since these two gentlemen came here, we have put two thousand francs in the savings bank. Two thousand francs in eight years! What luck! Would it be better to make no profit out of M. Pons’ dinner and keep him here at home? Ma’am Fontaine’s hen will tell me that.”
“I'll go tonight and see what Ma’am Fontaine has to say,” she thought. (Madame Fontaine read fortunes with cards for all the servants in the Marais neighborhood.) “Since these two gentlemen arrived, we’ve saved two thousand francs in the bank. Two thousand francs in eight years! What luck! Would it be better to not profit from M. Pons’ dinner and just keep him at home? Ma’am Fontaine’s hen will tell me that.”
Three years ago Mme. Cibot had begun to cherish a hope that her name might be mentioned in “her gentlemen’s” wills; she had redoubled her zeal since that covetous thought tardily sprouted up in the midst of that so honest moustache. Pons hitherto had dined abroad, eluding her desire to have both of “her gentlemen” entirely under her management; his “troubadour” collector’s life had scared away certain vague ideas which hovered in La Cibot’s brain; but now her shadowy projects assumed the formidable shape of a definite plan, dating from that memorable dinner. Fifteen minutes later she reappeared in the dining-room with two cups of excellent coffee, flanked by a couple of tiny glasses of kirschwasser.
Three years ago, Mme. Cibot had started to hope that her name might be included in “her gentlemen’s” wills; she had increased her efforts since that greedy thought had slowly emerged amidst that very honest mustache. Up until now, Pons had been dining out, avoiding her desire to have both of “her gentlemen” completely under her control; his “troubadour” collector lifestyle had scared off some vague ideas that floated in La Cibot’s mind. But now, her hazy plans took on a serious form, starting from that memorable dinner. Fifteen minutes later, she returned to the dining room with two cups of excellent coffee, accompanied by a couple of small glasses of kirschwasser.
“Long lif Montame Zipod!” cried Schmucke; “she haf guessed right!”
“Long live Montame Zipod!” shouted Schmucke; “she has guessed correctly!”
The diner-out bemoaned himself a little, while Schmucke met his lamentations with coaxing fondness, like a home pigeon welcoming back a wandering bird. Then the pair set out for the theatre.
The diner-out complained a bit, while Schmucke responded to his woes with gentle affection, like a homing pigeon welcoming back a wayward bird. Then the two of them headed to the theater.
Schmucke could not leave his friend in the condition to which he had been brought by the Camusots—mistresses and servants. He knew Pons so well; he feared lest some cruel, sad thought should seize on him at his conductor’s desk, and undo all the good done by his welcome home to the nest.
Schmucke couldn’t leave his friend in the state he had been brought to by the Camusots—mistresses and servants. He knew Pons so well; he was worried that some cruel, sad thought might take hold of him at his conductor’s desk and ruin all the good that had come from welcoming him back home to the nest.
And Schmucke brought his friend back on his arm through the streets at midnight. A lover could not be more careful of his lady. He pointed out the edges of the curbstones, he was on the lookout whenever they stepped on or off the pavement, ready with a warning if there was a gutter to cross. Schmucke could have wished that the streets were paved with cotton-down; he would have had a blue sky overhead, and Pons should hear the music which all the angels in heaven were making for him. He had won the lost province in his friend’s heart!
And Schmucke helped his friend along through the streets at midnight. A lover couldn't be more careful with his partner. He pointed out the edges of the curbs, keeping an eye out whenever they stepped on or off the sidewalk, ready to warn about any gutters they had to cross. Schmucke would have liked the streets to be paved with soft cotton; he imagined a blue sky above, and Pons should hear the music that all the angels in heaven were playing for him. He had won back the lost place in his friend's heart!
For nearly three months Pons and Schmucke dined together every day. Pons was obliged to retrench at once; for dinner at forty-five francs a month and wine at thirty-five meant precisely eighty francs less to spend on bric-a-brac. And very soon, in spite of all that Schmucke could do, in spite of his little German jokes, Pons fell to regretting the delicate dishes, the liqueurs, the good coffee, the table talk, the insincere politeness, the guests, and the gossip, and the houses where he used to dine. On the wrong side of sixty a man cannot break himself of a habit of thirty-six years’ growth. Wine at a hundred and thirty francs per hogshead is scarcely a generous liquid in a gourmet’s glass; every time that Pons raised it to his lips he thought, with infinite regret, of the exquisite wines in his entertainers’ cellars.
For almost three months, Pons and Schmucke had dinner together every day. Pons had to cut back immediately; dinner costing forty-five francs a month and wine at thirty-five left him with exactly eighty francs less for his collectibles. Soon enough, despite all Schmucke could do and his little German jokes, Pons started to miss the fine dishes, the liqueurs, the good coffee, the conversation, the fake politeness, the guests, the gossip, and the homes where he used to dine. After sixty, it’s hard to shake off a habit that’s been formed over thirty-six years. Wine priced at one hundred thirty francs per hogshead definitely isn’t a generous pour in a gourmet’s glass; every time Pons raised it to his lips, he thought, with deep regret, of the exquisite wines in his hosts’ cellars.
In short, at the end of three months, the cruel pangs which had gone near to break Pons’ sensitive heart had died away; he forgot everything but the charms of society; and languished for them like some elderly slave of a petticoat compelled to leave the mistress who too repeatedly deceives him. In vain he tried to hide his profound and consuming melancholy; it was too plain that he was suffering from one of the mysterious complaints which the mind brings upon the body.
In short, after three months, the painful feelings that had almost shattered Pons’ sensitive heart faded away; he forgot everything except the allure of social life and longed for it like an elderly man bound to a woman who continuously disappoints him. He tried in vain to conceal his deep and overwhelming sadness; it was obvious that he was dealing with one of those strange issues that the mind inflicts on the body.
A single symptom will throw light upon this case of nostalgia (as it were) produced by breaking away from an old habit; in itself it is trifling, one of the myriad nothings which are as rings in a coat of chain-mail enveloping the soul in a network of iron. One of the keenest pleasures of Pons’ old life, one of the joys of the dinner-table parasite at all times, was the “surprise,” the thrill produced by the extra dainty dish added triumphantly to the bill of fare by the mistress of a bourgeois house, to give a festal air to the dinner. Pons’ stomach hankered after that gastronomical satisfaction. Mme. Cibot, in the pride of her heart, enumerated every dish beforehand; a salt and savor once periodically recurrent, had vanished utterly from daily life. Dinner proceeded without le plat couvert, as our grandsires called it. This lay beyond the bounds of Schmucke’s powers of comprehension.
A single symptom sheds light on this case of nostalgia caused by breaking an old habit; it's small, just one of the countless little things that are like links in a chainmail coat wrapped around the soul in a network of iron. One of the greatest pleasures of Pons' old life, one of the joys for any dinner guest, was the "surprise," the thrill from an extra special dish added triumphantly to the menu by the hostess of a middle-class home to give the meal a festive feel. Pons craved that culinary satisfaction. Mme. Cibot proudly listed every dish beforehand; a flavor that once regularly brightened meals had completely disappeared from daily life. Dinner went on without le plat couvert, as our ancestors called it. This was beyond Schmucke's ability to understand.
Pons had too much delicacy to grumble; but if the case of unappreciated genius is hard, it goes harder still with the stomach whose claims are ignored. Slighted affection, a subject of which too much has been made, is founded upon an illusory longing; for if the creature fails, love can turn to the Creator who has treasures to bestow. But the stomach!... Nothing can be compared to its sufferings; for, in the first place, one must live.
Pons was too refined to complain; but if it’s tough for unappreciated talent, it’s even tougher for an ignored hunger. Overlooked affection, a topic that’s been discussed too much, is based on a mistaken desire; because if the beloved fails, love can shift to the Creator who has gifts to offer. But hunger!... Nothing compares to its pains; because, first and foremost, you have to survive.
Pons thought wistfully of certain creams—surely the poetry of cookery!—of certain white sauces, masterpieces of the art; of truffled chickens, fit to melt your heart; and above these, and more than all these, of the famous Rhine carp, only known at Paris, served with what condiments! There were days when Pons, thinking upon Count Popinot’s cook, would sigh aloud, “Ah, Sophie!” Any passer-by hearing the exclamation might have thought that the old man referred to a lost mistress; but his fancy dwelt upon something rarer, on a fat Rhine carp with a sauce, thin in the sauce-boat, creamy upon the palate, a sauce that deserved the Montyon prize! The conductor of the orchestra, living on memories of past dinners, grew visibly leaner; he was pining away, a victim to gastric nostalgia.
Pons thought longingly about certain creams—truly the poetry of cooking!—about certain white sauces, masterpieces of the craft; about truffled chickens that could melt your heart; and above all of the famous Rhine carp, known only in Paris, served with the most amazing condiments! There were days when Pons, reminiscing about Count Popinot’s cook, would sigh, “Ah, Sophie!” Anyone passing by who heard him might have thought the old man was talking about a lost lover; but his mind was on something much rarer, a rich Rhine carp with a sauce, thin in the sauceboat, creamy on the palate, a sauce that deserved the Montyon prize! The conductor of the orchestra, living on memories of past dinners, grew visibly thinner; he was wasting away, a victim of culinary nostalgia.
By the beginning of the fourth month (towards the end of January, 1845), Pons’ condition attracted attention at the theatre. The flute, a young man named Wilhelm, like almost all Germans; and Schwab, to distinguish him from all other Wilhelms, if not from all other Schwabs, judged it expedient to open Schmucke’s eyes to his friend’s state of health. It was a first performance of a piece in which Schmucke’s instruments were all required.
By the start of the fourth month (around the end of January 1845), Pons’ health started to grab attention at the theater. The flutist, a young man named Wilhelm, like almost all Germans, and Schwab, to differentiate him from all other Wilhelms and possibly all other Schwabs, thought it was necessary to make Schmucke aware of his friend's health condition. It was the first performance of a piece that needed all of Schmucke’s instruments.
“The old gentleman is failing,” said the flute; “there is something wrong somewhere; his eyes are heavy, and he doesn’t beat time as he used to do,” added Wilhelm Schwab, indicating Pons as he gloomily took his place.
“The old man is declining,” said the flute; “there’s something off somewhere; his eyes are dull, and he doesn’t keep time like he used to,” added Wilhelm Schwab, pointing to Pons as he sadly took his place.
“Dat is alvays de vay, gif a man is sixty years old,” answered Schmucke.
“That's always the way, if a man is sixty years old,” answered Schmucke.
The Highland widow, in The Chronicles of the Canongate, sent her son to his death to have him beside her for twenty-four hours; and Schmucke could have sacrificed Pons for the sake of seeing his face every day across the dinner-table.
The Highland widow, in The Chronicles of the Canongate, sent her son to his death just so she could have him with her for twenty-four hours; and Schmucke would have given up Pons just to see his face every day at the dinner table.
“Everybody in the theatre is anxious about him,” continued the flute; “and, as the premiere danseuse, Mlle. Brisetout, says, ‘he makes hardly any noise now when he blows his nose.’”
“Everyone in the theater is worried about him,” the flute continued; “and, as the premiere danseuse, Mlle. Brisetout, says, ‘he hardly makes any noise when he blows his nose now.’”
And, indeed, a peal like a blast of a horn used to resound through the old musician’s bandana handkerchief whenever he raised it to that lengthy and cavernous feature. The President’s wife had more frequently found fault with him on that score than on any other.
And, sure enough, a sound like a horn would blast through the old musician’s bandana handkerchief whenever he held it up to that long, deep feature. The President’s wife had often criticized him for that more than anything else.
“I vould gif a goot teal to amuse him,” said Schmucke, “he gets so dull.”
“I would give a good meal to entertain him,” said Schmucke, “he gets so boring.”
“M. Pons always seems so much above the like of us poor devils, that, upon my word, I didn’t dare to ask him to my wedding,” said Wilhelm Schwab. “I am going to be married—”
“M. Pons always seems so much above people like us poor folks, that, honestly, I didn’t feel brave enough to invite him to my wedding,” said Wilhelm Schwab. “I’m getting married—”
“How?” demanded Schmucke.
“How?” Schmucke demanded.
“Oh! quite properly,” returned Wilhelm Schwab, taking Schmucke’s quaint inquiry for a gibe, of which that perfect Christian was quite incapable.
“Oh! absolutely,” replied Wilhelm Schwab, interpreting Schmucke’s unusual question as a joke, which that genuinely good-hearted person was completely incapable of.
“Come, gentlemen, take your places!” called Pons, looking round at his little army, as the stage manager’s bell rang for the overture.
“Come on, guys, take your spots!” called Pons, looking around at his small group, as the stage manager’s bell rang for the overture.
The piece was a dramatized fairy tale, a pantomime called The Devil’s Betrothed, which ran for two hundred nights. In the interval, after the first act, Wilhelm Schwab and Schmucke were left alone in the orchestra, with a house at a temperature of thirty-two degrees Reaumur.
The piece was a dramatized fairy tale, a pantomime called The Devil’s Betrothed, which ran for two hundred nights. During the break after the first act, Wilhelm Schwab and Schmucke were left alone in the orchestra, with the house at a temperature of thirty-two degrees Reaumur.
“Tell me your hishdory,” said Schmucke.
“Tell me your history,” said Schmucke.
“Look there! Do you see that young man in the box yonder?... Do you recognize him?”
“Look over there! Do you see that young man in the box over there?... Do you recognize him?”
“Nefer a pit—”
"Not a chance—"
“Ah! That is because he is wearing yellow gloves and shines with all the radiance of riches, but that is my friend Fritz Brunner out of Frankfort-on-the-Main.”
“Ah! That’s because he’s wearing yellow gloves and looks like he’s glowing with wealth, but that’s my friend Fritz Brunner from Frankfurt am Main.”
“Dat used to komm to see du blav und sit peside you in der orghestra?”
“Dad used to come to watch you play and sit beside you in the orchestra?”
“The same. You would not believe he could look so different, would you?”
“The same. You wouldn't believe he could look so different, would you?”
The hero of the promised story was a German of that particular type in which the sombre irony of Goethe’s Mephistopheles is blended with a homely cheerfulness found in the romances of August Lafontaine of pacific memory; but the predominating element in the compound of artlessness and guile, of shopkeeper’s shrewdness, and the studied carelessness of a member of the Jockey Club, was that form of disgust which set a pistol in the hands of a young Werther, bored to death less by Charlotte than by German princes. It was a thoroughly German face, full of cunning, full of simplicity, stupidity, and courage; the knowledge which brings weariness, the worldly wisdom which the veriest child’s trick leaves at fault, the abuse of beer and tobacco,—all these were there to be seen in it, and to heighten the contrast of opposed qualities, there was a wild diabolical gleam in the fine blue eyes with the jaded expression.
The hero of the promised story was a German of that particular type where the dark irony of Goethe’s Mephistopheles blends with the down-to-earth cheerfulness found in the tales of August Lafontaine of peaceful memory; but the main element in this mix of innocence and cunning, of a shopkeeper’s shrewdness and the casual nonchalance of a Jockey Club member, was a kind of disgust that drove a young Werther to take up a pistol, bored not so much by Charlotte as by German princes. It was a genuinely German face, filled with cunning, simplicity, foolishness, and courage; the knowledge that brings fatigue, the worldly wisdom that even the simplest child’s trick can outsmart, the overindulgence in beer and tobacco—all of this was evident in his expression, and to enhance the contrast of these conflicting traits, there was a wild devilish glint in his fine blue eyes that had a weary look.
Dressed with all the elegance of a city man, Fritz Brunner sat in full view of the house displaying a bald crown of the tint beloved by Titian, and a few stray fiery red hairs on either side of it; a remnant spared by debauchery and want, that the prodigal might have a right to spend money with the hairdresser when he should come into his fortune. A face, once fair and fresh as the traditional portrait of Jesus Christ, had grown harder since the advent of a red moustache; a tawny beard lent it an almost sinister look. The bright blue eyes had lost something of their clearness in the struggle with distress. The countless courses by which a man sells himself and his honor in Paris had left their traces upon his eyelids and carved lines about the eyes, into which a mother once looked with a mother’s rapture to find a copy of her own fashioned by God’s hand.
Dressed in the elegance of a city man, Fritz Brunner sat prominently in view of the house, showcasing a bald head with a shade favored by Titian, along with a few stray fiery red hairs on either side; a remnant spared by excess and need, so the spendthrift could still afford to visit a hairdresser when he came into his fortune. A face, once as fair and fresh as the traditional portrait of Jesus Christ, had grown harder since the arrival of a red mustache; a tawny beard gave it an almost sinister appearance. The bright blue eyes had lost some of their clarity in the struggle with hardship. The countless ways a man compromises himself and his honor in Paris showed their effects on his eyelids and created lines around his eyes, which a mother once gazed into with rapture, seeing a reflection of her own child shaped by God's hand.
This precocious philosopher, this wizened youth was the work of a stepmother.
This insightful philosopher, this wise young person was the result of a stepmother's influence.
Herewith begins the curious history of a prodigal son of Frankfort-on-the-Main—the most extraordinary and astounding portent ever beheld by that well-conducted, if central, city.
Here begins the fascinating story of a reckless son from Frankfurt-on-the-Main—the most remarkable and astonishing phenomenon ever seen by that orderly, though central, city.
Gideon Brunner, father of the aforesaid Fritz, was one of the famous innkeepers of Frankfort, a tribe who make law-authorized incisions in travelers’ purses with the connivance of the local bankers. An innkeeper and an honest Calvinist to boot, he had married a converted Jewess and laid the foundations of his prosperity with the money she brought him.
Gideon Brunner, father of the aforementioned Fritz, was one of the well-known innkeepers in Frankfurt, a group that legally takes money from travelers with the help of local bankers. As an innkeeper and a devout Calvinist, he married a converted Jewish woman and built his wealth with the money she brought into their marriage.
When the Jewess died, leaving a son Fritz, twelve years of age, under the joint guardianship of his father and maternal uncle, a furrier at Leipsic, head of the firm of Virlaz and Company, Brunner senior was compelled by his brother-in-law (who was by no means as soft as his peltry) to invest little Fritz’s money, a goodly quantity of current coin of the realm, with the house of Al-Sartchild. Not a penny of it was he allowed to touch. So, by way of revenge for the Israelite’s pertinacity, Brunner senior married again. It was impossible, he said, to keep his huge hotel single-handed; it needed a woman’s eye and hand. Gideon Brunner’s second wife was an innkeeper’s daughter, a very pearl, as he thought; but he had had no experience of only daughters spoiled by father and mother.
When the Jewish woman passed away, leaving her twelve-year-old son Fritz under the joint guardianship of his father and his maternal uncle, a furrier in Leipzig who ran the firm Virlaz and Company, Brunner senior was pushed by his brother-in-law (who was definitely not as gentle as his furs) to invest little Fritz’s money, a good amount of cash, with the house of Al-Sartchild. He wasn’t allowed to touch a single penny of it. So, as a way to get back at the stubborn Israelite, Brunner senior remarried. He claimed it was impossible to manage his large hotel on his own; it needed a woman’s touch. Gideon Brunner’s second wife was the daughter of an innkeeper, a true gem in his eyes; however, he had no experience with only daughters spoiled by their parents.
The second Mme. Brunner behaved as German girls may be expected to behave when they are frivolous and wayward. She squandered her fortune, she avenged the first Mme. Brunner by making her husband as miserable a man as you could find in the compass of the free city of Frankfort-on-the-Main, where the millionaires, it is said, are about to pass a law compelling womankind to cherish and obey them alone. She was partial to all the varieties of vinegar commonly called Rhine wine in Germany; she was fond of articles Paris, of horses and dress; indeed, the one expensive taste which she had not was a liking for women. She took a dislike to little Fritz, and would perhaps have driven him mad if that young offspring of Calvinism and Judaism had not had Frankfort for his cradle and the firm of Virlaz at Leipsic for his guardian. Uncle Virlaz, however, deep in his furs, confined his guardianship to the safe-keeping of Fritz’s silver marks, and left the boy to the tender mercies of this stepmother.
The second Mme. Brunner acted just like you’d expect a frivolous and rebellious German girl to act. She blew through her fortune and made her husband as miserable as possible, just like what she thought the first Mme. Brunner deserved, in the free city of Frankfurt am Main, where it’s rumored the wealthy are about to pass a law that forces women to love and obey them exclusively. She enjoyed various types of vinegar known as Rhine wine in Germany; she liked Parisian fashion, horses, and dressing up; the only expensive taste she didn’t have was an interest in women. She didn’t like little Fritz and might have driven him insane if he hadn’t been born in Frankfurt and had Uncle Virlaz from Leipzig looking out for him. But Uncle Virlaz, all wrapped up in his furs, limited his guardianship to protecting Fritz's silver marks and left the boy at the mercy of his stepmother.
That hyena in woman’s form was the more exasperated against the pretty child, the lovely Jewess’ son, because she herself could have no children in spite of efforts worthy of a locomotive engine. A diabolical impulse prompted her to plunge her young stepson, at twenty-one years of age, into dissipations contrary to all German habits. The wicked German hoped that English horses, Rhine vinegar, and Goethe’s Marguerites would ruin the Jewess’ child and shorten his days; for when Fritz came of age, Uncle Virlaz had handed over a very pretty fortune to his nephew. But while roulette at Baden and elsewhere, and boon companions (Wilhelm Schwab among them) devoured the substance accumulated by Uncle Virlaz, the prodigal son himself remained by the will of Providence to point a moral to younger brothers in the free city of Frankfort; parents held him up as a warning and an awful example to their offspring to scare them into steady attendance in their cast-iron counting houses, lined with silver marks.
That woman, like a hyena, was even more frustrated with the pretty child, the lovely Jewess’ son, because she herself couldn’t have children despite trying hard. A wicked impulse drove her to lead her young stepson, who was twenty-one, into habits that went against all German customs. The malicious German hoped that English horses, Rhine vinegar, and Goethe’s Marguerites would ruin the Jewess’ child and cut his life short; because when Fritz came of age, Uncle Virlaz would pass on a nice fortune to his nephew. But while roulette at Baden and elsewhere, along with partying friends (including Wilhelm Schwab), consumed the wealth Uncle Virlaz had gathered, the prodigal son himself remained, by the will of Providence, a cautionary tale for younger brothers in the free city of Frankfurt; parents used him as a warning and a terrible example to scare their kids into diligently working in their rigid counting houses, filled with silver marks.
But so far from perishing in the flower of his age, Fritz Brunner had the pleasure of laying his stepmother in one of those charming little German cemeteries, in which the Teuton indulges his unbridled passion for horticulture under the specious pretext of honoring his dead. And as the second Mme. Brunner expired while the authors of her being were yet alive, Brunner senior was obliged to bear the loss of the sums of which his wife had drained his coffers, to say nothing of other ills, which had told upon a Herculean constitution, till at the age of sixty-seven the innkeeper had wizened and shrunk as if the famous Borgia’s poison had undermined his system. For ten whole years he had supported his wife, and now he inherited nothing! The innkeeper was a second ruin of Heidelberg, repaired continually, it is true, by travelers’ hotel bills, much as the remains of the castle of Heidelberg itself are repaired to sustain the enthusiasm of the tourists who flock to see so fine and well-preserved a relic of antiquity.
But instead of dying in the prime of his life, Fritz Brunner had the satisfaction of burying his stepmother in one of those lovely little German cemeteries, where the Germans indulge their love for gardening under the guise of honoring their dead. And since the second Mrs. Brunner passed away while her creators were still living, Mr. Brunner had to deal with the loss of the money his wife had taken from him, not to mention other troubles that had affected his once strong body, until at sixty-seven, the innkeeper had withered and shrunk as if he had been slowly poisoned. For a full decade, he had supported his wife, and now he was left with nothing! The innkeeper was a second ruin of Heidelberg, continuously patched up, it’s true, by the hotel bills of travelers, much like the remains of the Heidelberg castle itself are maintained to keep the excitement of tourists who come to see such a well-preserved piece of history.
At Frankfort the disappointment caused as much talk as a failure. People pointed out Brunner, saying, “See what a man may come to with a bad wife that leaves him nothing and a son brought up in the French fashion.”
At Frankfort, the disappointment caused as much chatter as a failure. People pointed at Brunner, saying, “Look at what a man can become with a bad wife who leaves him with nothing and a son raised in the French way.”
In Italy and Germany the French nation is the root of all evil, the target for all bullets. “But the god pursuing his way——” (For the rest, see Lefranc de Pompignan’s Ode.)
In Italy and Germany, the French nation is seen as the source of all problems, the target for all attacks. “But the god pursuing his way——” (For the rest, see Lefranc de Pompignan’s Ode.)
The wrath of the proprietor of the Grand Hotel de Hollande fell on others besides the travelers, whose bills were swelled with his resentment. When his son was utterly ruined, Gideon, regarding him as the indirect cause of all his misfortunes, refused him bread and salt, fire, lodging, and tobacco—the force of the paternal malediction in a German and an innkeeper could no farther go. Whereupon the local authorities, making no allowance for the father’s misdeeds, regarded him as one of the most ill-used persons in Frankfort-on-the-Main, came to his assistance, fastened a quarrel on Fritz (une querelle d’Allemand), and expelled him from the territory of the free city. Justice in Frankfort is no whit wiser nor more humane than elsewhere, albeit the city is the seat of the German Diet. It is not often that a magistrate traces back the stream of wrongdoing and misfortune to the holder of the urn from which the first beginnings trickled forth. If Brunner forgot his son, his son’s friends speedily followed the old innkeeper’s example.
The anger of the owner of the Grand Hotel de Hollande affected more than just the travelers, whose bills grew larger because of his resentment. When his son was completely ruined, Gideon, seeing him as the indirect cause of all his problems, cut him off from bread, salt, fire, shelter, and tobacco—the weight of a father’s curse in a German innkeeper could not go further. Consequently, the local authorities, ignoring the father’s wrongdoings, saw him as one of the most wronged individuals in Frankfurt-on-the-Main and came to his aid, creating a conflict with Fritz (une querelle d’Allemand), and expelled him from the free city's territory. Justice in Frankfurt isn’t any wiser or kinder than it is elsewhere, even though the city is the home of the German Diet. It's rare for a magistrate to trace the source of wrongdoing and misfortune back to the one who holds the urn from which it all began. If Brunner forgot his son, his son's friends quickly followed the old innkeeper’s lead.
Ah! if the journalists, the dandies, and some few fair Parisians among the audience wondered how that German with the tragical countenance had cropped up on a first night to occupy a side box all to himself when fashionable Paris filled the house,—if these could have seen the history played out upon the stage before the prompter’s box, they would have found it far more interesting than the transformation scenes of The Devil’s Betrothed, though indeed it was the two hundred thousandth representation of a sublime allegory performed aforetime in Mesopotamia three thousand years before Christ was born.
Ah! If the journalists, the trendsetters, and a few stylish Parisians in the audience were curious about how that serious-looking German ended up alone in a side box on opening night while fashionable Paris packed the house—if they could have seen the story unfolding on stage in front of the prompter’s box, they would have found it much more captivating than the transformation scenes of The Devil’s Betrothed, even though it was the two hundred thousandth performance of a brilliant allegory originally staged in Mesopotamia three thousand years before Christ was born.
Fritz betook himself on foot to Strasbourg, and there found what the prodigal son of the Bible failed to find—to wit, a friend. And herein is revealed the superiority of Alsace, where so many generous hearts beat to show Germany the beauty of a combination of Gallic wit and Teutonic solidity. Wilhelm Schwab, but lately left in possession of a hundred thousand francs by the death of both parents, opened his arms, his heart, his house, his purse to Fritz. As for describing Fritz’s feelings, when dusty, down on his luck, and almost like a leper, he crossed the Rhine and found a real twenty-franc piece held out by the hand of a real friend,—that moment transcends the powers of the prose writer; Pindar alone could give it forth to humanity in Greek that should rekindle the dying warmth of friendship in the world.
Fritz set off on foot to Strasbourg and there found what the prodigal son in the Bible couldn't find—a true friend. This shows the richness of Alsace, where so many kind-hearted people demonstrate to Germany the beauty of combining French wit with German reliability. Wilhelm Schwab, who had recently inherited a hundred thousand francs after the death of both his parents, welcomed Fritz with open arms, heart, home, and wallet. As for describing Fritz's feelings when he, dusty and down on his luck, almost like an outcast, crossed the Rhine and encountered a real twenty-franc piece offered by a genuine friend—that moment is beyond the abilities of any writer; only Pindar could express it in a way that would reignite the fading warmth of friendship in the world.
Put the names of Fritz and Wilheim beside those of Damon and Pythias, Castor and Pollux, Orestes and Pylades, Dubreuil and Pmejah, Schmucke and Pons, and all the names that we imagine for the two friends of Monomotapa, for La Fontaine (man of genius though he was) has made of them two disembodied spirits—they lack reality. The two new names may join the illustrious company, and with so much the more reason, since that Wilhelm who had helped to drink Fritz’s inheritance now proceeded, with Fritz’s assistance, to devour his own substance; smoking, needless to say, every known variety of tobacco.
Put the names of Fritz and Wilhelm next to those of Damon and Pythias, Castor and Pollux, Orestes and Pylades, Dubreuil and Pmejah, Schmucke and Pons, and all the names we come up with for the two friends of Monomotapa, because La Fontaine (genius that he was) has turned them into two disembodied spirits—they lack substance. The two new names can join the famous company, and it's even more fitting since Wilhelm, who helped drink Fritz’s inheritance, now, with Fritz’s help, proceeds to waste his own fortune; smoking, of course, every known type of tobacco.
The pair, strange to relate, squandered the property in the dullest, stupidest, most commonplace fashion, in Strasbourg brasseries, in the company of ballet-girls of the Strasbourg theatres, and little Alsaciennes who had not a rag of a tattered reputation left.
The couple, oddly enough, wasted their money in the most boring, mindless, and ordinary way, in Strasbourg brasseries, surrounded by ballet dancers from the local theaters and young Alsatian girls who had completely lost any shred of a good reputation.
Every morning they would say, “We really must stop this, and make up our minds and do something or other with the money that is left.”
Every morning they would say, “We really need to stop this and decide what to do with the money that’s left.”
“Pooh!” Fritz would retort, “just one more day, and to-morrow”... ah! to-morrow.
“Pooh!” Fritz would respond, “just one more day, and tomorrow”... ah! tomorrow.
In the lives of Prodigal Sons, To-day is a prodigious coxcomb, but To-morrow is a very poltroon, taking fright at the big words of his predecessor. To-day is the truculent captain of old world comedy, To-morrow the clown of modern pantomime.
In the lives of Prodigal Sons, Today is a flashy show-off, but Tomorrow is a coward, scared off by the grand words of its predecessor. Today is the tough guy of classic comedy, while Tomorrow is the fool of modern slapstick.
When the two friends had reached their last thousand-franc note, they took places in the mail-coach, styled Royal, and departed for Paris, where they installed themselves in the attics of the Hotel du Rhin, in the Rue du Mail, the property of one Graff, formerly Gideon Brunner’s head-waiter. Fritz found a situation as clerk in the Kellers’ bank (on Graff’s recommendation), with a salary of six hundred francs. And a place as book-keeper was likewise found for Wilhelm, in the business of Graff the fashionable tailor, brother of Graff of the Hotel du Rhin, who found the scantily-paid employment for the pair of prodigals, for the sake of old times, and his apprenticeship at the Hotel de Hollande. These two incidents—the recognition of a ruined man by a well-to-do friend, and a German innkeeper interesting himself in two penniless fellow-countrymen—give, no doubt, an air of improbability to the story, but truth is so much the more like fiction, since modern writers of fiction have been at such untold pains to imitate truth.
When the two friends had used up their last thousand-franc note, they boarded the Royal mail coach and left for Paris, where they settled into the attic of the Hotel du Rhin on Rue du Mail, owned by one Graff, who used to be Gideon Brunner’s head waiter. Fritz got a job as a clerk at the Kellers’ bank (thanks to Graff’s recommendation), earning a salary of six hundred francs. Wilhelm also found a position as a bookkeeper in the business of Graff, the trendy tailor, who is Graff from the Hotel du Rhin’s brother. He provided these low-paying jobs for the pair of wayward friends out of nostalgia for their past together and his apprenticeship at the Hotel de Hollande. These two events—a wealthy friend recognizing a fallen man and a German innkeeper taking an interest in two broke compatriots—might make the story seem a bit unbelievable, but truth often resembles fiction, especially since modern fiction writers have worked so hard to mimic reality.
It was not long before Fritz, a clerk with six hundred francs, and Wilhelm, a book-keeper with precisely the same salary, discovered the difficulties of existence in a city so full of temptations. In 1837, the second year of their abode, Wilhelm, who possessed a pretty talent for the flute, entered Pons’ orchestra, to earn a little occasional butter to put on his dry bread. As to Fritz, his only way to an increase of income lay through the display of the capacity for business inherited by a descendant of the Virlaz family. Yet, in spite of his assiduity, in spite of abilities which possibly may have stood in his way, his salary only reached the sum of two thousand francs in 1843. Penury, that divine stepmother, did for the two men all that their mothers had not been able to do for them; Poverty taught them thrift and worldly wisdom; Poverty gave them her grand rough education, the lessons which she drives with hard knocks into the heads of great men, who seldom know a happy childhood. Fritz and Wilhelm, being but ordinary men, learned as little as they possibly could in her school; they dodged the blows, shrank from her hard breast and bony arms, and never discovered the good fairy lurking within, ready to yield to the caresses of genius. One thing, however, they learned thoroughly—they discovered the value of money, and vowed to clip the wings of riches if ever a second fortune should come to their door.
It wasn't long before Fritz, a clerk earning six hundred francs, and Wilhelm, a bookkeeper with the exact same salary, realized how challenging life could be in a city full of temptations. In 1837, during their second year of living there, Wilhelm, who had a talent for playing the flute, joined Pons’ orchestra to earn a bit of extra cash for his simple meals. As for Fritz, his only chance to boost his income was by showing the business skills he inherited from the Virlaz family. Yet, despite his hard work and possibly some abilities that may have hindered him, his salary only reached two thousand francs by 1843. Poverty, that harsh stepmother, taught the two men what their own mothers could not; it instilled in them thrift and practical wisdom. Poverty provided them with a tough education, the hard lessons that great figures often learn, having rarely known a happy childhood. Fritz and Wilhelm, being ordinary guys, didn't learn much from her school; they avoided the harsh realities, flinched from her tough embrace and bony arms, and never found the good fortune waiting quietly inside, ready to respond to the touch of creativity. However, one important lesson they did learn was the value of money, and they promised to keep a close eye on their finances if another opportunity for wealth ever knocked on their door.
This was the history which Wilhelm Schwab related in German, at much greater length, to his friend the pianist, ending with;
This was the story that Wilhelm Schwab told in German, in much more detail, to his friend the pianist, concluding with;
“Well, Papa Schmucke, the rest is soon explained. Old Brunner is dead. He left four millions! He made an immense amount of money out of Baden railways, though neither his son nor M. Graff, with whom we lodge, had any idea that the old man was one of the original shareholders. I am playing the flute here for the last time this evening; I would have left some days ago, but this was a first performance, and I did not want to spoil my part.”
“Well, Papa Schmucke, the rest is easy to explain. Old Brunner is dead. He left four million! He made a huge amount of money from the Baden railways, but neither his son nor M. Graff, who we’re staying with, had any clue that the old man was one of the original shareholders. I’m playing the flute here for the last time this evening; I would have left a few days ago, but this was a first performance, and I didn’t want to mess up my part.”
“Goot, mine friend,” said Schmucke. “But who is die prite?”
“Good, my friend,” said Schmucke. “But who is the prize?”
“She is Mlle. Graff, the daughter of our host, the landlord of the Hotel du Rhin. I have loved Mlle. Emilie these seven years; she has read so many immoral novels, that she refused all offers for me, without knowing what might come of it. She will be a very wealthy young lady; her uncles, the tailors in the Rue de Richelieu, will leave her all their money. Fritz is giving me the money we squandered at Strasbourg five times over! He is putting a million francs in a banking house, M. Graff the tailor is adding another five hundred thousand francs, and Mlle. Emilie’s father not only allows me to incorporate her portion—two hundred and fifty thousand francs—with the capital, but he himself will be a shareholder with as much again. So the firm of Brunner, Schwab and Company will start with two millions five hundred thousand francs. Fritz has just bought fifteen hundred thousand francs’ worth of shares in the Bank of France to guarantee our account with them. That is not all Fritz’s fortune. He has his father’s house property, supposed to be worth another million, and he has let the Grand Hotel de Hollande already to a cousin of the Graffs.”
“She is Mlle. Graff, the daughter of our host, the owner of the Hotel du Rhin. I have loved Mlle. Emilie for seven years; she has read so many inappropriate novels that she has turned down all my offers without knowing what might happen. She will be a very wealthy young lady; her uncles, the tailors on Rue de Richelieu, will leave her all their money. Fritz is giving me back the money we wasted in Strasbourg five times over! He’s putting a million francs in a bank, M. Graff the tailor is adding another five hundred thousand francs, and Mlle. Emilie's father not only allows me to combine her portion—two hundred and fifty thousand francs—with the capital, but he will also be a shareholder with an equal amount. So, the firm of Brunner, Schwab and Company will start with two million five hundred thousand francs. Fritz has just bought one million five hundred thousand francs’ worth of shares in the Bank of France to secure our account with them. That’s not all of Fritz’s fortune. He also has his father’s real estate, which is estimated to be worth another million, and he has already rented out the Grand Hotel de Hollande to a cousin of the Graffs.”
“You look sad ven you look at your friend,” remarked Schmucke, who had listened with great interest. “Kann you pe chealous of him?”
“You look sad when you look at your friend,” remarked Schmucke, who had listened with great interest. “Can you be jealous of him?”
“I am jealous for Fritz’s happiness,” said Wilhelm. “Does that face look as if it belonged to a happy man? I am afraid of Paris; I should like to see him do as I am doing. The old tempter may awake again. Of our two heads, his carries the less ballast. His dress, and the opera-glass and the rest of it make me anxious. He keeps looking at the lorettes in the house. Oh! if you only knew how hard it is to marry Fritz. He has a horror of ‘going a-courting,’ as you say; you would have to give him a drop into a family, just as in England they give a man a drop into the next world.”
“I’m concerned for Fritz’s happiness,” said Wilhelm. “Does that face look like it belongs to a happy man? I’m worried about Paris; I wish he would do what I’m doing. The old tempter might come back. Of the two of us, he’s got the lighter baggage. His outfit, the opera glasses, and everything else make me uneasy. He keeps checking out the women in the house. Oh! if only you knew how difficult it is to get Fritz married. He’s terrified of ‘dating,’ as you say; you’d have to force him into a family just like they make a man face the next world in England.”
During the uproar that usually marks the end of a first night, the flute delivered his invitation to the conductor. Pons accepted gleefully; and, for the first time in three months, Schmucke saw a smile on his friend’s face. They went back to the Rue de Normandie in perfect silence; that sudden flash of joy had thrown a light on the extent of the disease which was consuming Pons. Oh, that a man so truly noble, so disinterested, so great in feeling, should have such a weakness!... This was the thought that struck the stoic Schmucke dumb with amazement. He grew woefully sad, for he began to see that there was no help for it; he must even renounce the pleasure of seeing “his goot Bons” opposite him at the dinner-table, for the sake of Pons’ welfare; and he did not know whether he could give him up; the mere thought of it drove him distracted.
During the chaos that usually comes at the end of the first night, the flute sent his invitation to the conductor. Pons accepted happily, and for the first time in three months, Schmucke saw a smile on his friend’s face. They walked back to the Rue de Normandie in complete silence; that sudden burst of joy had highlighted the extent of the illness that was consuming Pons. Oh, that a man so genuinely noble, so selfless, so passionate, should have such a flaw!... This thought left the stoic Schmucke speechless with astonishment. He became deeply saddened, realizing that there was no way around it; he would even have to give up the pleasure of seeing “his good Pons” across from him at the dinner table, all for Pons’ sake; and he didn’t know if he could let him go; just the idea drove him to despair.
Meantime, Pons’ proud silence and withdrawal to the Mons Aventinus of the Rue de Normandie had, as might be expected, impressed the Presidente, not that she troubled herself much about her parasite, now that she was freed from him. She thought, with her charming daughter, that Cousin Pons had seen through her little “Lili’s” joke. But it was otherwise with her husband the President.
Meantime, Pons' proud silence and retreat to his spot on the Mons Aventinus of the Rue de Normandie had, as you might expect, made an impression on the Presidente, although she didn't really care much about her leech now that she was rid of him. She believed, along with her lovely daughter, that Cousin Pons had figured out her little “Lili’s” joke. But the same couldn't be said for her husband, the President.
Camusot de Marville, a short and stout man, grown solemn since his promotion at the Court, admired Cicero, preferred the Opera-Comique to the Italiens, compared the actors one with another, and followed the multitude step by step. He used to recite all the articles in the Ministerialist journals, as if he were saying something original, and in giving his opinion at the Council Board he paraphrased the remarks of the previous speaker. His leading characteristics were sufficiently well known; his position compelled him to take everything seriously; and he was particularly tenacious of family ties.
Camusot de Marville, a short and stocky guy who had become serious since his promotion at the Court, admired Cicero, preferred the Opera-Comique over the Italiens, compared actors with one another, and followed the crowd closely. He would recite all the articles from the Ministerialist journals as if he were sharing something new, and when giving his opinions at the Council Board, he would paraphrase what the last speaker had said. His main traits were well known; his job required him to take everything seriously, and he was especially loyal to family connections.
Like most men who are ruled by their wives, the President asserted his independence in trifles, in which his wife was very careful not to thwart him. For a month he was satisfied with the Presidente’s commonplace explanations of Pons’ disappearance; but at last it struck him as singular that the old musician, a friend of forty years’ standing, should first make them so valuable a present as a fan that belonged to Mme. de Pompadour, and then immediately discontinue his visits. Count Popinot had pronounced the trinket a masterpiece; when its owner went to Court, the fan had been passed from hand to hand, and her vanity was not a little gratified by the compliments it received; others had dwelt on the beauties of the ten ivory sticks, each one covered with delicate carving, the like of which had never been seen. A Russian lady (Russian ladies are apt to forget that they are not in Russia) had offered her six thousand francs for the marvel one day at Count Popinot’s house, and smiled to see it in such hands. Truth to tell, it was a fan for a Duchess.
Like most men who are controlled by their wives, the President claimed his independence in small ways, which his wife was careful not to undermine. For a month, he was content with the Presidente’s typical explanations for Pons’ disappearance; but eventually, it struck him as odd that the old musician, a friend for forty years, would first give such a valuable gift as a fan that belonged to Mme. de Pompadour and then immediately stop visiting. Count Popinot had declared the trinket a masterpiece; when its owner went to Court, the fan had been passed around, and her vanity was quite pleased by the compliments it received. Others admired the beauty of the ten ivory sticks, each covered with delicate carvings, the likes of which had never been seen before. One day at Count Popinot’s house, a Russian lady (Russian ladies often forget they’re not in Russia) offered her six thousand francs for the marvel and smiled to see it in such hands. To be honest, it was a fan fit for a Duchess.
“It cannot be denied that poor Cousin Pons understands rubbish of that sort—” said Cecile, the day after the bid.
“It can’t be denied that poor Cousin Pons gets that kind of nonsense—” said Cecile, the day after the bid.
“Rubbish!” cried her parent. “Why, Government is just about to buy the late M. le Conseiller Dusommerard’s collection for three hundred thousand francs; and the State and the Municipality of Paris between them are spending nearly a million francs over the purchase and repair of the Hotel de Cluny to house the ‘rubbish,’ as you call it.—Such ‘rubbish,’ dear child,” he resumed, “is frequently all that remains of vanished civilizations. An Etruscan jar, and a necklace, which sometimes fetch forty and fifty thousand francs, is ‘rubbish’ which reveals the perfection of art at the time of the siege of Troy, proving that the Etruscans were Trojan refugees in Italy.”
“Rubbish!” her parent exclaimed. “The government is about to buy the late M. le Conseiller Dusommerard’s collection for three hundred thousand francs, and together, the State and the Municipality of Paris are spending nearly a million francs to purchase and restore the Hotel de Cluny to showcase this 'rubbish,' as you call it. Such 'rubbish,' dear child," he continued, "often represents the only remnants of lost civilizations. An Etruscan jar, along with a necklace that can sometimes sell for forty or fifty thousand francs, is 'rubbish' that reveals the artistry from the time of the siege of Troy, proving that the Etruscans were Trojan refugees in Italy.”
This was the President’s cumbrous way of joking; the short, fat man was heavily ironical with his wife and daughter.
This was the President’s clumsy way of joking; the short, chubby man was being sarcastic with his wife and daughter.
“The combination of various kinds of knowledge required to understand such ‘rubbish,’ Cecile,” he resumed, “is a science in itself, called archaeology. Archaeology comprehends architecture, sculpture, painting, goldsmiths’ work, ceramics, cabinetmaking (a purely modern art), lace, tapestry—in short, human handiwork of every sort and description.”
“The mix of different types of knowledge needed to understand such ‘nonsense,’ Cecile,” he continued, “is a science all on its own, called archaeology. Archaeology includes architecture, sculpture, painting, metalwork, ceramics, furniture making (which is a completely modern art), lace, tapestry—in short, every kind of human craftsmanship.”
“Then Cousin Pons is learned?” said Cecile.
“Then Cousin Pons is smart?” said Cecile.
“Ah! by the by, why is he never to be seen nowadays?” asked the President. He spoke with the air of a man in whom thousands of forgotten and dormant impressions have suddenly begun to stir, and shaping themselves into one idea, reach consciousness with a ricochet, as sportsmen say.
“By the way, why hasn’t he been seen around lately?” the President asked. He spoke like someone whose long-buried memories and feelings were suddenly coming to life, coalescing into one thought that hit him with a jolt, as sports enthusiasts would say.
“He must have taken offence at nothing at all,” answered his wife. “I dare say I was not as fully sensible as I might have been of the value of the fan that he gave me. I am ignorant enough, as you know, of—”
“He must have been offended by absolutely nothing,” his wife replied. “I guess I wasn’t as aware as I should have been of how valuable the fan he gave me is. I’m not very knowledgeable about—”
“You! One of Servin’s best pupils, and you don’t know Watteau?” cried the President.
“You! One of Servin’s top students, and you don’t know Watteau?” exclaimed the President.
“I know Gerard and David and Gros and Griodet, and M. de Forbin and M. Turpin de Crisse—”
“I know Gerard and David and Gros and Griodet, and Mr. de Forbin and Mr. Turpin de Crisse—”
“You ought—”
"You should—"
“Ought what, sir?” demanded the lady, gazing at her husband with the air of a Queen of Sheba.
“Ought what, sir?” the lady inquired, looking at her husband like she was the Queen of Sheba.
“To know a Watteau when you see it, my dear. Watteau is very much in fashion,” answered the President with meekness, that told plainly how much he owed to his wife.
“To recognize a Watteau when you see one, my dear. Watteau is quite trendy,” replied the President with a humility that clearly showed how much he relied on his wife.
This conversation took place a few days before that night of first performance of The Devil’s Betrothed, when the whole orchestra noticed how ill Pons was looking. But by that time all the circle of dinner-givers who were used to seeing Pons’ face at their tables, and to send him on errands, had begun to ask each other for news of him, and uneasiness increased when it was reported by some who had seen him that he was always in his place at the theatre. Pons had been very careful to avoid his old acquaintances whenever he met them in the streets; but one day it so fell out that he met Count Popinot, the ex-cabinet minister, face to face in the bric-a-brac dealer’s shop in the new Boulevard Beaumarchais. The dealer was none other than that Monistrol of whom Pons had spoken to the Presidente, one of the famous and audacious vendors whose cunning enthusiasm leads them to set more and more value daily on their wares; for curiosities, they tell you, are growing so scarce that they are hardly to be found at all nowadays.
This conversation happened a few days before the first performance of The Devil’s Betrothed, when the entire orchestra noticed how sick Pons looked. By that time, all the dinner-givers who were used to seeing Pons at their tables and sending him on errands had started asking each other for news about him. Their concern grew when some people who had seen him reported that he was always at the theater. Pons had been very careful to avoid his old acquaintances whenever he ran into them on the streets; however, one day he unexpectedly ran into Count Popinot, the former cabinet minister, at a bric-a-brac shop on the new Boulevard Beaumarchais. The dealer was none other than Monistrol, the one Pons had mentioned to the Presidente, a well-known and bold vendor whose clever enthusiasm causes them to increase the value of their items every day; they claim that curiosities are becoming so rare that they are almost impossible to find nowadays.
“Ah, my dear Pons, how comes it that we never see you now? We miss you very much, and Mme. Popinot does not know what to think of your desertion.”
“Ah, my dear Pons, why do we never see you anymore? We miss you a lot, and Mme. Popinot doesn't know what to make of your absence.”
“M. le Comte,” said the good man, “I was made to feel in the house of a relative that at my age one is not wanted in the world. I have never had much consideration shown me, but at any rate I had not been insulted. I have never asked anything of any man,” he broke out with an artist’s pride. “I have often made myself useful in return for hospitality. But I have made a mistake, it seems; I am indefinitely beholden to those who honor me by allowing me to sit at table with them; my friends, and my relatives.... Well and good; I have sent in my resignation as smellfeast. At home I find daily something which no other house has offered me—a real friend.”
“Count,” the kind man said, “I’ve been made to feel at a relative’s house that at my age I’m not wanted in the world. I’ve never received much consideration, but at least I hadn’t been insulted. I’ve never asked anything from anyone,” he exclaimed with an artist’s pride. “I’ve often helped out in exchange for hospitality. But it seems I’ve made a mistake; I’m endlessly indebted to those who graciously allow me to eat with them—my friends and relatives... Well, that’s that; I’ve submitted my resignation as a freeloader. At home, I find something every day that no other place has offered me—a true friend.”
The old artist’s power had not failed him; with tone and gesture he put such bitterness into the words, that the peer of France was struck by them. He drew Pons aside.
The old artist's strength had not faded; with his tone and gestures, he poured so much bitterness into his words that the nobleman of France was taken aback. He pulled Pons aside.
“Come, now, my old friend, what is it? What has hurt you? Could you not tell me in confidence? You will permit me to say that at my house surely you have always met with consideration—”
“Come on, my old friend, what’s going on? What’s bothering you? Couldn’t you tell me in private? I can say that you’ve always been treated with respect at my place—”
“You are the one exception,” said the artist. “And besides, you are a great lord and a statesman, you have so many things to think about. That would excuse anything, if there were need for it.”
“You're the one exception,” said the artist. “And besides, you're a great lord and a statesman; you have so much on your plate. That would excuse anything, if that was needed.”
The diplomatic skill that Popinot had acquired in the management of men and affairs was brought to bear upon Pons, till at length the story of his misfortunes in the President’s house was drawn from him.
The diplomatic skills that Popinot had gained in dealing with people and situations were applied to Pons, until finally, the account of his troubles at the President’s house was revealed to him.
Popinot took up the victim’s cause so warmly that he told the story to Mme. Popinot as soon as he went home, and that excellent and noble-natured woman spoke to the Presidente on the subject at the first opportunity. As Popinot himself likewise said a word or two to the President, there was a general explanation in the family of Camusot de Marville.
Popinot took up the victim’s cause so passionately that he shared the story with Mme. Popinot as soon as he got home. That wonderful and kind-hearted woman brought it up with the Presidente at the first chance she got. Since Popinot also mentioned it to the President, there was a full discussion within the Camusot de Marville family.
Camusot was not exactly master in his own house; but this time his remonstrance was so well founded in law and in fact, that his wife and daughter were forced to acknowledge the truth. They both humbled themselves and threw the blame on the servants. The servants, first bidden, and then chidden, only obtained pardon by a full confession, which made it clear to the President’s mind that Pons had done rightly to stop away. The President displayed himself before the servants in all his masculine and magisterial dignity, after the manner of men who are ruled by their wives. He informed his household that they should be dismissed forthwith, and forfeit any advantages which their long term of service in his house might have brought them, unless from that time forward his cousin and all those who did him the honor of coming to his house were treated as he himself was. At which speech Madeleine was moved to smile.
Camusot wasn't exactly in charge at home, but this time his objections were so well supported by law and fact that his wife and daughter had to admit he was right. They both humbled themselves and blamed the servants. The servants, after being first ordered and then scolded, only received forgiveness after making a full confession, which made it clear to the President that Pons had been right to stay away. The President presented himself to the servants with all his masculine authority, like men who are led by their wives. He told his household they would be dismissed immediately and lose any benefits from their long service in his home unless from then on his cousin and all his guests were treated with the same respect as he was. This made Madeleine smile.
“You have only one chance of salvation as it is,” continued the President. “Go to my cousin, make your excuses to him, and tell him that you will lose your situations unless he forgives you, for I shall turn you all away if he does not.”
“You have only one chance for salvation as it is,” the President continued. “Go to my cousin, apologize to him, and tell him that you’ll lose your jobs unless he forgives you because I will let you all go if he doesn’t.”
Next morning the President went out fairly early to pay a call on his cousin before going down to the court. The apparition of M. le President de Marville, announced by Mme. Cibot, was an event in the house. Pons, thus honored for the first time in his life saw reparation ahead.
Next morning, the President went out pretty early to visit his cousin before heading to the court. The appearance of M. le President de Marville, announced by Mme. Cibot, was a noteworthy event in the house. For the first time in his life, Pons, feeling honored, saw a chance for redemption ahead.
“At last, my dear cousin,” said the President after the ordinary greetings; “at last I have discovered the cause of your retreat. Your behavior increases, if that were possible, my esteem for you. I have but one word to say in that connection. My servants have all been dismissed. My wife and daughter are in despair; they want to see you to have an explanation. In all this, my cousin, there is one innocent person, and he is an old judge; you will not punish me, will you, for the escapade of a thoughtless child who wished to dine with the Popinots? especially when I come to beg for peace, admitting that all the wrong has been on our side?... An old friendship of thirty-six years, even suppose that there had been a misunderstanding, has still some claims. Come, sign a treaty of peace by dining with us to-night—”
“At last, my dear cousin,” said the President after the usual greetings, “I finally understand why you've been staying away. Your actions only make me respect you even more. I have just one thing to say about that. I've let all my staff go. My wife and daughter are heartbroken; they want to see you for an explanation. In all of this, my cousin, there’s one innocent person: an old judge. You won't hold me responsible for the foolishness of a thoughtless child who wanted to have dinner with the Popinots, will you? Especially since I’m here to ask for peace, admitting that we've been at fault... A friendship that has lasted thirty-six years, even if there was a misunderstanding, still means something. So come, let’s sign a peace treaty by having dinner with us tonight—”
Pons involved himself in a diffuse reply, and ended by informing his cousin that he was to sign a marriage contract that evening; how that one of the orchestra was not only going to be married, but also about to fling his flute to the winds to become a banker.
Pons got caught up in a long-winded response, and finished by telling his cousin that he was going to sign a marriage contract that evening; how one of the orchestra members was not only getting married but also planning to give up his flute for a career in banking.
“Very well. To-morrow.”
"Alright. Tomorrow."
“Mme. la Comtesse Popinot has done me the honor of asking me, cousin. She was so kind as to write—”
“Mme. Countess Popinot has honored me by asking me, cousin. She was nice enough to write—”
“The day after to-morrow then.”
"The day after tomorrow then."
“M. Brunner, a German, my first flute’s future partner, returns the compliment paid him to-day by the young couple—”
“M. Brunner, a German and my first flute’s future partner, returns the compliment given to him today by the young couple—”
“You are such pleasant company that it is not surprising that people dispute for the honor of seeing you. Very well, next Sunday? Within a week, as we say at the courts?”
“You're such great company that it's no wonder people fight over the chance to see you. How about next Sunday? Within a week, like we say in court?”
“On Sunday we are to dine with M. Graff, the flute’s father-in-law.”
“On Sunday, we’re having dinner with M. Graff, the father-in-law of the flutist.”
“Very well, on Saturday. Between now and then you will have time to reassure a little girl who has shed tears already over her fault. God asks no more than repentance; you will not be more severe than the Eternal father with poor little Cecile?—”
“Alright, on Saturday. Between now and then, you'll have time to comfort a little girl who has already cried over her mistake. God only asks for repentance; you won’t be harsher than the Eternal Father with dear little Cecile?”
Pons, thus reached on his weak side, again plunged into formulas more than polite, and went as far as the stairhead with the President.
Pons, having found a weakness, again dived into overly formal expressions and accompanied the President all the way to the top of the stairs.
An hour later the President’s servants arrived in a troop on poor Pons’ second floor. They behaved after the manner of their kind; they cringed and fawned; they wept. Madeleine took M. Pons aside and flung herself resolutely at his feet.
An hour later, the President’s servants showed up in a group on poor Pons’ second floor. They acted like typical servants; they were obsequious and overly flattering; they cried. Madeleine pulled M. Pons aside and desperately threw herself at his feet.
“It is all my fault; and monsieur knows quite well that I love him,” here she burst into tears. “It was vengeance boiling in my veins; monsieur ought to throw all the blame of the unhappy affair on that. We are all to lose our pensions.... Monsieur, I was mad, and I would not have the rest suffer for my fault.... I can see now well enough that fate did not make me for monsieur. I have come to my senses, I aimed too high, but I love you still, monsieur. These ten years I have thought of nothing but the happiness of making you happy and looking after things here. What a lot!... Oh! if monsieur but knew how much I love him! But monsieur must have seen it through all my mischief-making. If I were to die to-morrow, what would they find?—A will in your favor, monsieur.... Yes, monsieur, in my trunk under my best things.”
“It’s all my fault; and you know very well that I love you,” she said as she started to cry. “It was revenge boiling in my veins; you should put all the blame for this unfortunate situation on that. We’re all going to lose our pensions... I was crazy, and I didn’t want the others to suffer because of my mistake... I can see now that fate didn’t make me for you. I’ve come to my senses; I aimed too high, but I still love you. For the past ten years, I’ve thought only about making you happy and taking care of things here. So much!... Oh! If only you knew how much I love you! But you must have noticed it through all my troublemaking. If I were to die tomorrow, what would they find?—A will in your favor... Yes, it’s in my trunk under my best things.”
Madeleine had set a responsive chord vibrating; the passion inspired in another may be unwelcome, but it will always be gratifying to self-love; this was the case with the old bachelor. After generously pardoning Madeleine, he extended his forgiveness to the other servants, promising to use his influence with his cousin the Presidente on their behalf.
Madeleine had struck a chord; the passion stirred in someone else might be unwanted, but it always satisfies self-love; this was true for the old bachelor. After generously forgiving Madeleine, he extended his forgiveness to the other servants, promising to use his influence with his cousin, the Presidente, on their behalf.
It was unspeakably pleasant to Pons to find all his old enjoyments restored to him without any loss of self-respect. The world had come to Pons, he had risen in the esteem of his circle; but Schmucke looked so downcast and dubious when he heard the story of the triumph, that Pons felt hurt. When, however, the kind-hearted German saw the sudden change wrought in Pons’ face, he ended by rejoicing with his friend, and made a sacrifice of the happiness that he had known during those four months that he had had Pons all to himself. Mental suffering has this immense advantage over physical ills—when the cause is removed it ceases at once. Pons was not like the same man that morning. The old man, depressed and visibly failing, had given place to the serenely contented Pons, who entered the Presidente’s house that October afternoon with the Marquise de Pompadour’s fan in his pocket. Schmucke, on the other hand, pondered deeply over this phenomenon, and could not understand it; your true stoic never can understand the courtier that dwells in a Frenchman. Pons was a born Frenchman of the Empire; a mixture of eighteenth century gallantry and that devotion to womankind so often celebrated in songs of the type of Partant pour la Syrie.
It was incredibly pleasant for Pons to find all his old joys back without losing any self-respect. The world had come to Pons; he had risen in the esteem of his social circle. But Schmucke looked so downcast and uncertain when he heard about the triumph that Pons felt hurt. However, when the kind-hearted German saw the sudden change in Pons’ expression, he ended up celebrating with his friend, sacrificing the happiness he had enjoyed during the four months he had Pons all to himself. Mental suffering has this huge advantage over physical pain—when the cause is gone, it stops instantly. Pons was not the same man that morning. The old man, who was depressed and visibly failing, was replaced by the serenely content Pons, who walked into the Presidente’s house that October afternoon with the Marquise de Pompadour’s fan in his pocket. Schmucke, on the other hand, thought deeply about this change and couldn’t understand it; a true stoic can never grasp the courtier that dwells in a Frenchman. Pons was a born Frenchman of the Empire, a mix of eighteenth-century charm and that devotion to women so often celebrated in songs like Partant pour la Syrie.
So Schmucke was fain to bury his chagrin beneath the flowers of his German philosophy; but a week later he grew so yellow that Mme. Cibot exerted her ingenuity to call in the parish doctor. The leech had fears of icterus, and left Mme. Cibot frightened half out of her wits by the Latin word for an attack of the jaundice.
So Schmucke tried to hide his disappointment under the guise of his German philosophy; but a week later, he looked so ill that Mme. Cibot cleverly called in the parish doctor. The doctor suspected jaundice and left Mme. Cibot scared out of her mind by the Latin term for an attack of jaundice.
Meantime the two friends went out to dinner together, perhaps for the first time in their lives. For Schmucke it was a return to the Fatherland; for Johann Graff of the Hotel du Rhin and his daughter Emilie, Wolfgang Graff the tailor and his wife, Fritz Brunner and Wilhelm Schwab, were Germans, and Pons and the notary were the only Frenchmen present at the banquet. The Graffs of the tailor’s business owned a splendid house in the Rue de Richelieu, between the Rue Neuve-des-Petits-Champs and the Rue Villedo; they had brought up their niece, for Emilie’s father, not without reason, had feared contact with the very mixed society of an inn for his daughter. The good tailor Graffs, who loved Emilie as if she had been their own daughter, were giving up the ground floor of their great house to the young couple, and here the bank of Brunner, Schwab and Company was to be established. The arrangements for the marriage had been made about a month ago; some time must elapse before Fritz Brunner, author of all this felicity, could settle his deceased father’s affairs, and the famous firm of tailors had taken advantage of the delay to redecorate the first floor and to furnish it very handsomely for the bride and bridegroom. The offices of the bank had been fitted into the wing which united a handsome business house with the hotel at the back, between courtyard and garden.
In the meantime, the two friends went out to dinner together, probably for the first time in their lives. For Schmucke, it was a return to his homeland; for Johann Graff of the Hotel du Rhin and his daughter Emilie, Wolfgang Graff the tailor and his wife, Fritz Brunner and Wilhelm Schwab, they were all Germans, and Pons and the notary were the only Frenchmen at the dinner. The Graffs who owned the tailor shop had a beautiful house on Rue de Richelieu, between Rue Neuve-des-Petits-Champs and Rue Villedo; they had raised their niece because Emilie’s father, with good reason, was worried about her being around the diverse crowd at an inn. The kind Graff tailors, who loved Emilie as if she were their own daughter, were giving the ground floor of their large house to the young couple, where the Brunner, Schwab and Company bank was going to be set up. The plans for the marriage had been made about a month ago; it would take some time before Fritz Brunner, the one behind all this happiness, could wrap up his deceased father’s affairs, and the well-known tailoring firm took advantage of the delay to redecorate the first floor and furnish it nicely for the newlyweds. The bank’s offices had been fitted into the wing that connected a beautiful business building with the hotel at the back, between the courtyard and the garden.
On the way from the Rue de Normandie to the Rue de Richelieu, Pons drew from the abstracted Schmucke the details of the story of the modern prodigal son, for whom Death had killed the fatted innkeeper. Pons, but newly reconciled with his nearest relatives, was immediately smitten with a desire to make a match between Fritz Brunner and Cecile de Marville. Chance ordained that the notary was none other than Berthier, old Cardot’s son-in-law and successor, the sometime second clerk with whom Pons had been wont to dine.
On the way from Rue de Normandie to Rue de Richelieu, Pons pulled the details of the story of the modern prodigal son from the distracted Schmucke, for whom Death had taken the pampered innkeeper. Pons, newly reconciled with his closest relatives, was immediately struck by the desire to set up a match between Fritz Brunner and Cecile de Marville. By chance, the notary turned out to be none other than Berthier, old Cardot’s son-in-law and successor, the former second clerk with whom Pons used to have dinner.
“Ah! M. Berthier, you here!” he said, holding out a hand to his host of former days.
“Ah! Mr. Berthier, you’re here!” he said, extending his hand to his host from back in the day.
“We have not had the pleasure of seeing you at dinner lately; how is it?” returned the notary. “My wife has been anxious about you. We saw you at the first performance of The Devil’s Betrothed, and our anxiety became curiosity?”
“We haven't had the pleasure of seeing you at dinner lately; how have you been?” replied the notary. “My wife has been worried about you. We saw you at the first performance of The Devil’s Betrothed, and our concern turned into curiosity.”
“Old folk are sensitive,” replied the worthy musician; “they make the mistake of being a century behind the times, but how can it be helped? It is quite enough to represent one century—they cannot entirely belong to the century which sees them die.”
“Older folks are sensitive,” replied the esteemed musician; “they tend to be a century behind the times, but what can you do? It's more than enough to represent one century—they can't fully belong to the century in which they pass away.”
“Ah!” said the notary, with a shrewd look, “one cannot run two centuries at once.”
“Ah!” said the notary, with a sharp look, “you can’t live in two centuries at the same time.”
“By the by,” continued Pons, drawing the young lawyer into a corner, “why do you not find some one for my cousin Cecile de Marville—”
“By the way,” continued Pons, pulling the young lawyer into a corner, “why don’t you help find someone for my cousin Cecile de Marville—”
“Ah! why—?” answered Berthier. “In this century, when luxury has filtered down to our very porters’ lodges, a young fellow hesitates before uniting his lot with the daughter of a President of the Court of Appeal in Paris if she brings him only a hundred thousand francs. In the rank of life in which Mlle. de Marville’s husband would take, the wife was never yet known that did not cost her husband three thousand francs a year; the interest on a hundred thousand francs would scarcely find her in pin-money. A bachelor with an income of fifteen or twenty thousand francs can live on an entre-sol; he is not expected to cut any figure; he need not keep more than one servant, and all his surplus income he can spend on his amusements; he puts himself in the hands of a good tailor, and need not trouble any further about keeping up appearances. Far-sighted mothers make much of him; he is one of the kings of fashion in Paris.
“Ah! why—?” replied Berthier. “In this century, when luxury has trickled down to our very porters’ lodges, a young man hesitates before tying his fate to the daughter of a President of the Court of Appeal in Paris if she offers him only a hundred thousand francs. In the social class where Mlle. de Marville’s husband would belong, every wife has always cost her husband at least three thousand francs a year; the interest on a hundred thousand francs would barely cover her spending money. A bachelor with an income of fifteen or twenty thousand francs can live in a modest apartment; he isn’t expected to make a big impression; he only needs one servant, and he can spend all his extra income on fun; he hires a good tailor and doesn’t have to worry about maintaining appearances. Smart mothers pay a lot of attention to him; he is one of the trendsetters in Paris.”
“But a wife changes everything. A wife means a properly furnished house,” continued the lawyer; “she wants the carriage for herself; if she goes to the play, she wants a box, while the bachelor has only a stall to pay for; in short, a wife represents the whole of the income which the bachelor used to spend on himself. Suppose that husband and wife have thirty thousand francs a year between them—practically, the sometime bachelor is a poor devil who thinks twice before he drives out to Chantilly. Bring children on the scene—he is pinched for money at once.
“But a wife changes everything. A wife means a properly furnished house,” continued the lawyer; “she wants a carriage for herself; if she goes to the theater, she wants a box, while the bachelor just has to pay for a cheap seat; in short, a wife represents all the money that the bachelor used to spend on himself. Suppose that husband and wife have thirty thousand francs a year together—basically, the former bachelor is now a poor guy who thinks twice before he drives out to Chantilly. Add kids into the mix—and suddenly, he’s tight on money right away.
“Now, as M. and Mme. de Marville are scarcely turned fifty, Cecile’s expectations are bills that will not fall due for fifteen or twenty years to come; and no young fellow cares to keep them so long in his portfolio. The young featherheads who are dancing the polka with lorettes at the Jardin Mabille, are so cankered with self-interest, that they don’t stand in need of us to explain both sides of the problem to them. Between ourselves, I may say that Mlle. de Marville scarcely sets hearts throbbing so fast but that their owners can perfectly keep their heads, and they are full of these anti-matrimonial reflections. If any eligible young man, in full possession of his senses and an income of twenty thousand francs, happens to be sketching out a programme of marriage that will satisfy his ambitions, Mlle. de Marville does not altogether answer the description—”
“Now, since M. and Mme. de Marville are barely hitting fifty, Cecile’s prospects are debts that won’t come due for another fifteen or twenty years; and no young man wants to keep them on his radar for that long. The young guys dancing the polka with the young ladies at Jardin Mabille are so consumed by self-interest that they don't need us to explain both sides of the issue to them. Just between us, I can say that Mlle. de Marville doesn’t exactly make hearts race so fast that their owners can’t think clearly, and they’re filled with these anti-marriage thoughts. If any eligible young man, fully aware and with an income of twenty thousand francs, happens to be planning a marriage that meets his goals, Mlle. de Marville doesn’t quite fit the bill—”
“And why not?” asked the bewildered musician.
“And why not?” asked the confused musician.
“Oh!—” said the notary, “well—a young man nowadays may be as ugly as you and I, my dear Pons, but he is almost sure to have the impertinence to want six hundred thousand francs, a girl of good family, with wit and good looks and good breeding—flawless perfection in short.”
“Oh!—” said the notary, “well—a young man these days can be as ugly as you and I, my dear Pons, but he’s almost guaranteed to have the audacity to want six hundred thousand francs, a girl from a good family, with intelligence and good looks and great upbringing—perfect in every way, basically.”
“Then it will not be easy to marry her?”
“Then it won't be easy to marry her?”
“She will not be married so long as M. and Mme. de Marville cannot make up their minds to settle Marville on her when she marries; if they had chosen, she might have been the Vicomtesse Popinot by now. But here comes M. Brunner.—We are about to read the deed of partnership and the marriage contract.”
“She won’t get married until M. and Mme. de Marville decide to settle Marville on her when she does; if they had made a choice, she could have been the Vicomtesse Popinot by now. But here comes M. Brunner.—We’re about to read the partnership deed and the marriage contract.”
Greetings and introductions over, the relations made Pons promise to sign the contract. He listened to the reading of the documents, and towards half-past five the party went into the dining-room. The dinner was magnificent, as a city merchant’s dinner can be, when he allows himself a respite from money-making. Graff of the Hotel du Rhin was acquainted with the first provision dealers in Paris; never had Pons nor Schmucke fared so sumptuously. The dishes were a rapture to think of! Italian paste, delicate of flavor, unknown to the public; smelts fried as never smelts were fried before; fish from Lake Leman, with a real Genevese sauce, and a cream for plum-pudding which would have astonished the London doctor who is said to have invented it. It was nearly ten o’clock before they rose from table. The amount of wine, German and French, consumed at that dinner would amaze the contemporary dandy; nobody knows the amount of liquor that a German can imbibe and yet keep calm and quiet; to have even an idea of the quantity, you must dine in Germany and watch bottle succeed to bottle, like wave rippling after wave along the sunny shores of the Mediterranean, and disappear as if the Teuton possessed the absorbing power of sponges or sea sand. Perfect harmony prevails meanwhile; there is none of the racket that there would be over the liquor in France; the talk is as sober as a money-lender’s extempore speech; countenances flush, like the faces of the brides in frescoes by Cornelius or Schnorr (imperceptibly, that is to say), and reminiscences are poured out slowly while the smoke puffs from the pipes.
Once greetings and introductions were out of the way, the guests got Pons to promise to sign the contract. He listened as they read through the documents, and around half-past five, they all went into the dining room. The dinner was fantastic, like those city merchant dinners when they finally take a break from their money-making grind. Graff from the Hotel du Rhin was friends with the top food suppliers in Paris; neither Pons nor Schmucke had ever eaten so lavishly. The dishes were a dream! There was Italian pasta, delicately flavored and rare; smelts fried to perfection like never before; fish from Lake Geneva, served with an authentic Genevan sauce; and a cream for plum pudding that would have amazed the London doctor who supposedly invented it. It was nearly ten o'clock by the time they left the table. The amount of German and French wine consumed during that dinner would shock today's socialite; nobody really knows how much a German can drink while staying calm. To grasp the quantity, you’d have to dine in Germany and see bottle after bottle exchanged, like waves lapping the sunny shores of the Mediterranean, disappearing as if modern Germans had the drink-absorbing abilities of sponges or beach sand. The atmosphere was perfectly harmonious; there was none of the rowdiness that would accompany drinks in France; the conversation was as serious as a moneylender’s spontaneous speech; cheeks flushed slightly, like the faces of brides in frescoes by Cornelius or Schnorr, and memories were shared slowly while smoke curled up from their pipes.
About half-past ten that evening Pons and Schmucke found themselves sitting on a bench out in the garden, with the ex-flute between them; they were explaining their characters, opinions, and misfortunes, with no very clear idea as to why or how they had come to this point. In the thick of a potpourri of confidences, Wilhelm spoke of his strong desire to see Fritz married, expressing himself with vehement and vinous eloquence.
Around ten-thirty that evening, Pons and Schmucke were sitting on a bench in the garden, with the former flute player between them. They were sharing their thoughts, opinions, and struggles, without a clear understanding of how they had ended up in this situation. In the midst of a mix of personal revelations, Wilhelm passionately expressed his strong desire to see Fritz get married, speaking with intense and slightly tipsy eloquence.
“What do you say to this programme for your friend Brunner?” cried Pons in confidential tones. “A charming and sensible young lady of twenty-four, belonging to a family of the highest distinction. The father holds a very high position as a judge; there will be a hundred thousand francs paid down and a million to come.”
“What do you think of this plan for your friend Brunner?” Pons exclaimed in a confidential tone. “A lovely and sensible young woman of twenty-four, from a family of great distinction. Her father holds a high position as a judge; there will be a hundred thousand francs paid upfront and a million to follow.”
“Wait!” answered Schwab; “I will speak to Fritz this instant.”
“Wait!” replied Schwab; “I’ll talk to Fritz right now.”
The pair watched Brunner and his friend as they walked round and round the garden; again and again they passed the bench, sometimes one spoke, sometimes the other.
The couple watched Brunner and his friend as they walked around the garden over and over; time and time again, they passed the bench, occasionally one of them would speak, and sometimes the other.
Pons was not exactly intoxicated; his head was a little heavy, but his thoughts, on the contrary, seemed all the lighter; he watched Fritz Brunner’s face through the rainbow mist of fumes of wine, and tried to read auguries favorable to his family. Before very long Schwab introduced his friend and partner to M. Pons; Fritz Brunner expressed his thanks for the trouble which Pons had been so good as to take.
Pons wasn't really drunk; his head felt a bit heavy, but his thoughts seemed surprisingly light. He looked at Fritz Brunner’s face through the hazy glow of wine fumes and tried to sense any good signs for his family. Before too long, Schwab introduced his friend and partner to M. Pons; Fritz Brunner thanked Pons for the trouble he had taken.
In the conversation which followed, the two old bachelors Schmucke and Pons extolled the estate of matrimony, going so far as to say, without any malicious intent, “that marriage was the end of man.” Tea and ices, punches and cakes, were served in the future home of the betrothed couple. The wine had begun to tell upon the honest merchants, and the general hilarity reached its height when it was announced that Schwab’s partner thought of following his example.
In the conversation that followed, the two old bachelors Schmucke and Pons praised the institution of marriage, even going so far as to say, without any bad intentions, “that marriage was the end of man.” Tea and ice cream, punches and cakes, were served in the future home of the engaged couple. The wine had started to affect the honest merchants, and the overall merriment peaked when it was announced that Schwab’s partner was considering doing the same.
At two o’clock that morning, Schmucke and Pons walked home along the boulevards, philosophizing a perte de raison as they went on the harmony pervading the arrangements of this our world below.
At two o’clock that morning, Schmucke and Pons walked home along the boulevards, philosophizing a perte de raison as they discussed the harmony present in the arrangements of our world below.
On the morrow of the banquet, Cousin Pons betook himself to his fair cousin the Presidente, overjoyed—poor dear noble soul!—to return good for evil. Surely he had attained to a sublime height, as every one will allow, for we live in an age when the Montyon prize is given to those who do their duty by carrying out the precepts of the Gospel.
On the day after the banquet, Cousin Pons went to visit his lovely cousin, the Presidente, thrilled—poor sweet noble soul!—to repay kindness with kindness. He must have reached an impressive level, as everyone would agree, because we live in a time when the Montyon prize is awarded to those who fulfill their obligations by following the teachings of the Gospel.
“Ah!” said Pons to himself, as he turned the corner of the Rue de Choiseul, “they will lie under immense obligations to their parasite.”
“Ah!” Pons said to himself as he turned the corner of Rue de Choiseul, “they will owe a huge debt to their freeloader.”
Any man less absorbed in his contentment, any man of the world, any distrustful nature would have watched the President’s wife and daughter very narrowly on this first return to the house. But the poor musician was a child, he had all the simplicity of an artist, believing in goodness as he believed in beauty; so he was delighted when Cecile and her mother made much of him. After all the vaudevilles, tragedies, and comedies which had been played under the worthy man’s eyes for twelve long years, he could not detect the insincerity and grimaces of social comedy, no doubt because he had seen too much of it. Any one who goes into society in Paris, and knows the type of woman, dried up, body and soul, by a burning thirst for social position, and a fierce desire to be thought virtuous, any one familiar with the sham piety and the domineering character of a woman whose word is law in her own house, may imagine the lurking hatred she bore this husband’s cousin whom she had wronged.
Any man less caught up in his own happiness, any worldly person, or anyone with a skeptical nature would have closely observed the President’s wife and daughter during their first return to the house. But the poor musician was like a child; he had the simplicity of an artist, believing in goodness just as much as he believed in beauty. So, he was thrilled when Cecile and her mother fawned over him. After all the vaudevilles, tragedies, and comedies that had unfolded before him for twelve long years, he couldn’t see the insincerity and false pretenses of social performances, likely because he had seen too much of it. Anyone who engages with society in Paris, and knows the type of woman who is withered both physically and emotionally by an intense craving for social status, along with a fierce need to appear virtuous, and who is familiar with the false piety and dominating demeanor of a woman who rules her own home, can imagine the hidden resentment she felt towards this cousin of her husband whom she had wronged.
All the demonstrative friendliness of mother and daughter was lined with a formidable longing for revenge, evidently postponed. For the first time in Amelie de Marville’s life she had been put in the wrong, and that in the sight of the husband over whom she tyrannized; and not only so—she was obliged to be amiable to the author of her defeat! You can scarcely find a match for this position save in the hypocritical dramas which are sometimes kept up for years in the sacred college of cardinals, or in chapters of certain religious orders.
All the friendly gestures between mother and daughter were overshadowed by a strong desire for revenge, clearly delayed. For the first time in Amelie de Marville's life, she had been in the wrong, right in front of the husband she typically dominated; and not only that—she had to be nice to the person who defeated her! You can hardly find a situation like this, except maybe in the insincere dramas that sometimes play out for years in the sacred college of cardinals, or in the chapters of certain religious orders.
At three o’clock, when the President came back from the law-courts, Pons had scarcely made an end of the marvelous history of his acquaintance, M. Frederic Brunner. Cecile had gone straight to the point. She wanted to know how Frederic Brunner was dressed, how he looked, his height and figure, the color of his hair and eyes; and when she had conjectured a distinguished air for Frederic, she admired his generosity of character.
At three o'clock, when the President returned from the courthouse, Pons had barely finished telling the amazing story of his friend, M. Frederic Brunner. Cecile got right to the point. She wanted to know how Frederic Brunner was dressed, what he looked like, his height and build, and the color of his hair and eyes; and after imagining Frederic with a distinguished presence, she admired his generous personality.
“Think of his giving five hundred thousand francs to his companion in misfortune! Oh! mamma, I shall have a carriage and a box at the Italiens——” Cecile grew almost pretty as she thought that all her mother’s ambitions for her were about to be realized, that the hopes which had almost left her were to come to something after all.
“Imagine him giving five hundred thousand francs to his friend in need! Oh! Mom, I’m going to have a carriage and a box at the Italiens——” Cecile felt almost beautiful as she realized that all her mother’s dreams for her were about to come true, that the hopes she had almost given up on were finally going to amount to something after all.
As for the Presidente, all that she said was, “My dear little girl, you may perhaps be married within the fortnight.”
As for the President, all she said was, “My dear little girl, you might be getting married in a couple of weeks.”
All mothers with daughters of three-and-twenty address them as “little girl.”
All mothers with twenty-three-year-old daughters call them “little girl.”
“Still,” added the President, “in any case, we must have time to make inquiries; never will I give my daughter to just anybody—”
“Still,” added the President, “regardless, we need time to investigate; I will never give my daughter to just anyone—”
“As to inquiries,” said Pons, “Berthier is drawing up the deeds. As to the young man himself, my dear cousin, you remember what you told me? Well, he is quite forty years old; he is bald. He wishes to find in family life a haven after a storm; I did not dissuade him; every man has his tastes—”
“As for inquiries,” said Pons, “Berthier is preparing the documents. Regarding the young man himself, my dear cousin, do you remember what you told me? Well, he’s nearly forty years old; he’s bald. He wants to find a sense of stability in family life after going through tough times; I didn’t try to change his mind; every man has his preferences—”
“One reason the more for a personal interview,” returned the President. “I am not going to give my daughter to a valetudinarian.”
“One more reason for a personal interview,” the President replied. “I’m not going to give my daughter to an old man.”
“Very good, cousin, you shall see my suitor in five days if you like; for, with your views, a single interview would be enough”—(Cecile and her mother signified their rapture)—“Frederic is decidedly a distinguished amateur; he begged me to allow him to see my little collection at his leisure. You have never seen my pictures and curiosities; come and see them,” he continued, looking at his relatives. “You can come simply as two ladies, brought by my friend Schmucke, and make M. Brunner’s acquaintance without betraying yourselves. Frederic need not in the least know who you are.”
“Great, cousin, you can meet my suitor in five days if you want; for, given your perspective, just one meeting would be enough”—(Cecile and her mother expressed their excitement)—“Frederic is definitely a distinguished amateur; he asked me to let him view my little collection whenever he likes. You’ve never seen my paintings and curiosities; come check them out,” he continued, looking at his relatives. “You can come as two ladies, brought by my friend Schmucke, and get to know M. Brunner without revealing your identities. Frederic doesn’t need to know who you are at all.”
“Admirable!” cried the President.
“Awesome!” cried the President.
The attention they paid to the once scorned parasite may be left to the imagination! Poor Pons that day became the Presidente’s cousin. The happy mother drowned her dislike in floods of joy; her looks, her smiles, her words sent the old man into ecstasies over the good that he had done, over the future that he saw by glimpses. Was he not sure to find dinners such as yesterday’s banquet over the signing of the contract, multiplied indefinitely by three, in the houses of Brunner, Schwab, and Graff? He saw before him a land of plenty—a vie de cocagne, a miraculous succession of plats couverts, of delicate surprise dishes, of exquisite wines.
The attention they gave to the once-maligned parasite is left to the imagination! Poor Pons became the President’s cousin that day. The thrilled mother drowned her dislike in waves of joy; her looks, her smiles, her words sent the old man into ecstasies over the good he had done and the future he could glimpse. Wasn’t he sure to find dinners like yesterday’s banquet over the signing of the contract, multiplied endlessly by three, in the homes of Brunner, Schwab, and Graff? He envisioned a land of plenty—a vie de cocagne, a miraculous string of plats couverts, delicate surprise dishes, and exquisite wines.
“If Cousin Pons brings this through,” said the President, addressing his wife after Pons had departed, “we ought to settle an income upon him equal to his salary at the theatre.”
“If Cousin Pons pulls this off,” said the President, speaking to his wife after Pons had left, “we should arrange an income for him that matches his salary at the theater.”
“Certainly,” said the lady; and Cecile was informed that if the proposed suitor found favor in her eyes, she must undertake to induce the old musician to accept a munificence in such bad taste.
“Sure,” said the lady; and Cecile was told that if the potential suitor was appealing to her, she would need to convince the old musician to accept a generous offer that was in such poor taste.
Next day the President went to Berthier. He was anxious to make sure of M. Frederic Brunner’s financial position. Berthier, forewarned by Mme. de Marville, had asked his new client Schwab to come. Schwab the banker was dazzled by the prospect of such a match for his friend (everybody knows how deeply a German venerates social distinctions, so much so, that in Germany a wife takes her husband’s (official) title, and is the Frau General, the Frau Rath, and so forth)—Schwab therefore was as accommodating as a collector who imagines that he is cheating a dealer.
The next day, the President went to Berthier. He was eager to confirm M. Frederic Brunner’s financial situation. Berthier, having been informed by Mme. de Marville, had invited his new client, Schwab, to join him. Schwab, the banker, was thrilled by the idea of such a match for his friend (everyone knows how much a German respects social status, so much so that in Germany, a wife takes on her husband’s (official) title, becoming Frau General, Frau Rath, and so on)—so Schwab was as accommodating as a collector who believes he’s outsmarting a dealer.
“In the first place,” said Cecile’s father, “as I shall make over my estate of Marville to my daughter, I should wish the contract to be drawn up on the dotal system. In that case, M. Brunner would invest a million francs in land to increase the estate, and by settling the land on his wife he would secure her and his children from any share in the liabilities of the bank.”
“In the first place,” said Cecile’s father, “since I’m going to transfer my estate of Marville to my daughter, I want the contract to be created under the dotal system. In that case, M. Brunner would invest a million francs in land to expand the estate, and by putting the land in his wife’s name, he would protect her and their children from any share in the bank's liabilities.”
Berthier stroked his chin. “He is coming on well, is M. le President,” thought he.
Berthier rubbed his chin. “M. le President is doing well,” he thought.
When the dotal system had been explained to Schwab, he seemed much inclined that way for his friend. He had heard Fritz say that he wished to find some way of insuring himself against another lapse into poverty.
When the dowry system was explained to Schwab, he seemed quite interested in it for his friend. He had heard Fritz say that he wanted to find a way to protect himself from falling into poverty again.
“There is a farm and pasture land worth twelve hundred thousand francs in the market at this moment,” remarked the President.
“There’s a farm and pasture land valued at one million two hundred thousand francs on the market right now,” said the President.
“If we take up shares in the Bank of France to the amount of a million francs, that will be quite enough to guarantee our account,” said Schwab. “Fritz does not want to invest more than two million francs in business; he will do as you wish, I am sure, M. le President.”
“If we buy shares in the Bank of France for a million francs, that should be enough to secure our account,” Schwab said. “Fritz doesn’t want to invest more than two million francs in business; I’m sure he’ll do whatever you prefer, Mr. President.”
The President’s wife and daughter were almost wild with joy when he brought home this news. Never, surely, did so rich a capture swim so complacently into the nets of matrimony.
The President's wife and daughter were almost overwhelmed with joy when he brought home this news. Never, it seems, did such a valuable catch come so easily into the ropes of marriage.
“You will be Mme. Brunner de Marville,” said the parent, addressing his child; “I will obtain permission for your husband to add the name to his, and afterwards he can take out letters of naturalization. If I should be a peer of France some day, he will succeed me!”
“You will be Mrs. Brunner de Marville,” said the parent, talking to his child; “I will get permission for your husband to add the name to his, and then he can apply for citizenship. If I ever become a peer of France, he will take my place!”
The five days were spent by Mme. de Marville in preparations. On the great day she dressed Cecile herself, taking as much pains as the admiral of the British fleet takes over the dressing of the pleasure yacht for Her Majesty of England when she takes a trip to Germany.
The five days were spent by Mme. de Marville getting ready. On the big day, she dressed Cecile herself, putting in as much effort as the admiral of the British fleet does when prepping a luxury yacht for Her Majesty of England on her trip to Germany.
Pons and Schmucke, on their side, cleaned, swept, and dusted Pons’ museum rooms and furniture with the agility of sailors cleaning down a man-of-war. There was not a speck of dust on the carved wood; not an inch of brass but it glistened. The glasses over the pastels obscured nothing of the work of Latour, Greuze, and Liotard (illustrious painter of The Chocolate Girl), miracles of an art, alas! so fugitive. The inimitable lustre of Florentine bronze took all the varying hues of the light; the painted glass glowed with color. Every line shone out brilliantly, every object threw in its phrase in a harmony of masterpieces arranged by two musicians—both of whom alike had attained to be poets.
Pons and Schmucke quickly cleaned, swept, and dusted Pons' museum rooms and furniture like sailors cleaning a warship. There wasn't a speck of dust on the carved wood; every inch of brass gleamed. The glass coverings over the pastels didn’t hide any of the work of Latour, Greuze, and Liotard (the famous painter of The Chocolate Girl), which were miracles of art, unfortunately so fleeting. The unique shine of Florentine bronze reflected all the different shades of light; the painted glass shimmered with color. Every line stood out brightly, and every object contributed to a harmony of masterpieces arranged by two musicians—both of whom had also become poets.
With a tact which avoided the difficulties of a late appearance on the scene of action, the women were the first to arrive; they wished to be on their own ground. Pons introduced his friend Schmucke, who seemed to his fair visitors to be an idiot; their heads were so full of the eligible gentleman with the four millions of francs, that they paid but little attention to the worthy Pons’ dissertations upon matters of which they were completely ignorant.
With a sensitivity that bypassed the issues of being fashionably late, the women were the first to show up; they wanted to be comfortable in their environment. Pons introduced his friend Schmucke, who appeared to the women to be a bit slow-witted; their minds were so focused on the attractive bachelor with four million francs that they hardly paid any attention to Pons's discussions about subjects they knew nothing about.
They looked with indifferent eyes at Petitot’s enamels, spaced over crimson velvet, set in three frames of marvelous workmanship. Flowers by Van Huysum, David, and Heim; butterflies painted by Abraham Mignon; Van Eycks, undoubted Cranachs and Albrecht Durers; the Giorgione, the Sebastian del Piombo; Backhuijzen, Hobbema, Gericault, the rarities of painting—none of these things so much as aroused their curiosity; they were waiting for the sun to arise and shine upon these treasures. Still, they were surprised by the beauty of some of the Etruscan trinkets and the solid value of the snuff-boxes, and out of politeness they went into ecstasies over some Florentine bronzes which they held in their hands when Mme. Cibot announced M. Brunner! They did not turn; they took advantage of a superb Venetian mirror framed in huge masses of carved ebony to scan this phoenix of eligible young men.
They looked at Petitot’s enamels, arranged on crimson velvet and showcased in three beautifully crafted frames, with disinterested eyes. There were flowers by Van Huysum, David, and Heim; butterflies painted by Abraham Mignon; unmistakable works by the Van Eycks, Cranachs, and Albrecht Durers; pieces by Giorgione and Sebastian del Piombo; along with rare works by Backhuijzen, Hobbema, Gericault—the treasures of painting—yet none sparked their curiosity; they were just waiting for the sun to rise and light up these masterpieces. Still, they were impressed by the beauty of some Etruscan trinkets and the substantial worth of the snuff-boxes, and out of courtesy they feigned excitement over some Florentine bronzes they held when Mme. Cibot announced M. Brunner! They didn’t turn; instead, they used a stunning Venetian mirror framed in massive carved ebony to quietly check out this remarkable eligible young man.
Frederic, forewarned by Wilhelm, had made the most of the little hair that remained to him. He wore a neat pair of trousers, a soft shade of some dark color, a silk waistcoat of superlative elegance and the very newest cut, a shirt with open-work, its linen hand-woven by a Friesland woman, and a blue-and-white cravat. His watch chain, like the head of his cane, came from Messrs. Florent and Chanor; and the coat, cut by old Graff himself, was of the very finest cloth. The Suede gloves proclaimed the man who had run through his mother’s fortune. You could have seen the banker’s neat little brougham and pair of horses mirrored in the surface of his speckless varnished boots, even if two pairs of sharp ears had not already caught the sound of wheels outside in the Rue de Normandie.
Frederic, warned by Wilhelm, had made the most of the little hair he had left. He wore a tidy pair of trousers in a soft dark color, a silk waistcoat that was exceptionally stylish and of the latest cut, a shirt with intricate stitching, its linen handwoven by a Friesland woman, and a blue-and-white cravat. His watch chain, like the handle of his cane, came from Messrs. Florent and Chanor; and the coat, tailored by old Graff himself, was made from the finest cloth. The suede gloves hinted at a man who had spent through his mother’s fortune. You could see the banker’s neat little brougham and pair of horses reflected in the surface of his spotless varnished boots, even if two pairs of sharp ears hadn’t already heard the sound of wheels outside in the Rue de Normandie.
When the prodigal of twenty years is a kind of chrysalis from which a banker emerges at the age of forty, the said banker is usually an observer of human nature; and so much the more shrewd if, as in Brunner’s case, he understands how to turn his German simplicity to good account. He had assumed for the occasion the abstracted air of a man who is hesitating between family life and the dissipations of bachelorhood. This expression in a Frenchified German seemed to Cecile to be in the highest degree romantic; the descendant of the Virlaz was a second Werther in her eyes—where is the girl who will not allow herself to weave a little novel about her marriage? Cecile thought herself the happiest of women when Brunner, looking round at the magnificent works of art so patiently collected during forty years, waxed enthusiastic, and Pons, to his no small satisfaction, found an appreciative admirer of his treasures for the first time in his life.
When the prodigal from twenty years ago transforms into a banker at the age of forty, that banker usually becomes an observer of human nature; and he's even sharper if, like Brunner, he knows how to make the most of his German straightforwardness. He had taken on the thoughtful demeanor of a guy torn between family life and the wildness of being single. This look in a French-inflected German seemed incredibly romantic to Cecile; the descendant of the Virlaz appeared to her like a second Werther—what girl wouldn't let herself dream up a little story about her marriage? Cecile felt like the happiest woman when Brunner, admiring the stunning artwork collected over forty years, became enthusiastic, and Pons, to his great pleasure, found someone appreciating his treasures for the first time in his life.
“He is poetical,” the young lady said to herself; “he sees millions in the things. A poet is a man that cannot count and leaves his wife to look after his money—an easy man to manage and amuse with trifles.”
“He's so poetic,” the young lady thought to herself; “he sees a wealth of meaning in everything. A poet is someone who can’t keep track of things and relies on his wife to handle the finances—an easy guy to entertain and keep happy with little things.”
Every pane in the two windows was a square of Swiss painted glass; the least of them was worth a thousand francs; and Pons possessed sixteen of these unrivaled works of art for which amateurs seek so eagerly nowadays. In 1815 the panes could be bought for six or ten francs apiece. The value of the glorious collection of pictures, flawless great works, authentic, untouched since they left the master’s hands, could only be proved in the fiery furnace of a saleroom. Not a picture but was set in a costly frame; there were frames of every kind—Venetians, carved with heavy ornaments, like English plate of the present day; Romans, distinguishable among the others for a certain dash that artists call flafla; Spanish wreaths in bold relief; Flemings and Germans with quaint figures, tortoise-shell frames inlaid with copper and brass and mother-of-pearl and ivory; frames of ebony and boxwood in the styles of Louis Treize, Louis Quatorze, Louis Quinze, and Louis Seize—in short, it was a unique collection of the finest models. Pons, luckier than the art museums of Dresden and Vienna, possessed a frame by the famous Brustoloni—the Michael Angelo of wood-carvers.
Every pane in the two windows was a square of Swiss painted glass; even the least of them was worth a thousand francs; and Pons owned sixteen of these unmatched works of art that collectors are so eager to find nowadays. In 1815, the panes could be bought for six or ten francs each. The value of the stunning collection of paintings, flawless masterpieces, authentic and untouched since they left the master's hands, could only be determined in the intense environment of an auction house. Every painting was in an expensive frame; there were frames of all kinds—Venetian, intricately carved with heavy decorations, similar to modern English silver; Roman, recognizable among the rest for a certain flair that artists call flafla; Spanish wreaths in bold relief; Flemish and German frames featuring quirky figures, tortoise-shell frames inlaid with copper, brass, mother-of-pearl, and ivory; frames made of ebony and boxwood in the styles of Louis XIII, Louis XIV, Louis XV, and Louis XVI—in short, it was a unique collection of the finest examples. Pons, luckier than the art museums in Dresden and Vienna, owned a frame by the renowned Brustoloni—the Michael Angelo of wood-carvers.
Mlle. de Marville naturally asked for explanations of each new curiosity, and was initiated into the mysteries of art by Brunner. Her exclamations were so childish, she seemed so pleased to have the value and beauty of the paintings, carvings, or bronzes pointed out to her, that the German gradually thawed and looked quite young again, and both were led on further than they intended at this (purely accidental) first meeting.
Mlle. de Marville naturally asked for explanations about each new curiosity, and Brunner introduced her to the secrets of art. Her reactions were so innocent, and she seemed so thrilled to have the worth and beauty of the paintings, sculptures, or bronzes highlighted for her, that the German gradually warmed up and appeared quite youthful again, leading both of them beyond what they planned during this (completely accidental) first meeting.
The private view lasted for three hours. Brunner offered his arm when Cecile went downstairs. As they descended slowly and discreetly, Cecile, still talking fine art, wondered that M. Brunner should admire her cousin’s gimcracks so much.
The private view lasted for three hours. Brunner offered his arm when Cecile went downstairs. As they slowly and quietly descended, Cecile, still discussing fine art, was surprised that M. Brunner admired her cousin’s trinkets so much.
“Do you really think that these things that we have just seen are worth a great deal of money?”
“Do you honestly believe that what we just saw is worth a lot of money?”
“Mademoiselle, if your cousin would sell his collection, I would give eight hundred thousand francs for it this evening, and I should not make a bad bargain. The pictures alone would fetch more than that at a public sale.”
“Mademoiselle, if your cousin is willing to sell his collection, I would offer eight hundred thousand francs for it tonight, and I wouldn’t be making a bad deal. The paintings alone would sell for more than that at an auction.”
“Since you say so, I believe it,” returned she; “the things took up so much of your attention that it must be so.”
“Since you say so, I believe it,” she replied; “it took up so much of your attention that it has to be true.”
“On! mademoiselle!” protested Brunner. “For all answer to your reproach, I will ask your mother’s permission to call, so that I may have the pleasure of seeing you again.”
“Come on, miss!” protested Brunner. “In response to your criticism, I will ask your mother’s permission to visit, so I can have the pleasure of seeing you again.”
“How clever she is, that ‘little girl’ of mine!” thought the Presidente, following closely upon her daughter’s heels. Aloud she said, “With the greatest pleasure, monsieur. I hope that you will come at dinner-time with our Cousin Pons. The President will be delighted to make your acquaintance.—Thank you, cousin.”
“How clever she is, that ‘little girl’ of mine!” thought the Presidente, following closely behind her daughter. Out loud, she said, “Of course, monsieur. I hope you’ll join us for dinner with our Cousin Pons. The President will be excited to meet you. —Thank you, cousin.”
The lady squeezed Pons’ arm with deep meaning; she could not have said more if she had used the consecrated formula, “Let us swear an eternal friendship.” The glance which accompanied that “Thank you, cousin,” was a caress.
The lady squeezed Pons' arm with deep emotion; she couldn't have said more if she had used the traditional phrase, "Let's promise an everlasting friendship." The look that went with that "Thank you, cousin," was like a gentle touch.
When the young lady had been put into the carriage, and the jobbed brougham had disappeared down the Rue Charlot, Brunner talked bric-a-brac to Pons, and Pons talked marriage.
When the young woman was settled into the carriage, and the hired brougham had vanished down the Rue Charlot, Brunner chatted about knick-knacks with Pons, while Pons discussed marriage.
“Then you see no obstacle?” said Pons.
“Do you see no obstacle?” said Pons.
“Oh!” said Brunner, “she is an insignificant little thing, and the mother is a trifle prim.—We shall see.”
“Oh!” said Brunner, “she's a pretty insignificant little thing, and the mother is a bit uptight.—We'll see.”
“A handsome fortune one of these days.... More than a million—”
“A good fortune one of these days.... Over a million—”
“Good-bye till Monday!” interrupted the millionaire. “If you should care to sell your collection of pictures, I would give you five or six hundred thousand francs—”
“See you Monday!” interrupted the millionaire. “If you're interested in selling your collection of pictures, I’d offer you five or six hundred thousand francs—”
“Ah!” said Pons; he had no idea that he was so rich. “But they are my great pleasure in life, and I could not bring myself to part with them. I could only sell my collection to be delivered after my death.”
“Ah!” said Pons; he had no idea he was so wealthy. “But they bring me so much joy, and I couldn’t bear to part with them. I could only sell my collection to be delivered after I’m gone.”
“Very well. We shall see.”
"Okay. We'll see."
“Here we have two affairs afoot!” said Pons; he was thinking only of the marriage.
“Here we have two situations happening!” said Pons; he was thinking only of the marriage.
Brunner shook hands and drove away in his splendid carriage. Pons watched it out of sight. He did not notice that Remonencq was smoking his pipe in the doorway.
Brunner shook hands and drove away in his fancy carriage. Pons watched it disappear. He didn't notice that Remonencq was smoking his pipe in the doorway.
That evening Mme. de Marville went to ask advice of her father-in-law, and found the whole Popinot family at the Camusots’ house. It was only natural that a mother who had failed to capture an eldest son should be tempted to take her little revenge; so Mme. de Marville threw out hints of the splendid marriage that her Cecile was about to make.—“Whom can Cecile be going to marry?” was the question upon all lips. And Cecile’s mother, without suspecting that she was betraying her secret, let fall words and whispered confidences, afterwards supplemented by Mme. Berthier, till gossip circulating in the bourgeois empyrean where Pons accomplished his gastronomical evolutions took something like the following form:
That evening, Mme. de Marville went to seek advice from her father-in-law and found the entire Popinot family at the Camusots’ house. It was only natural for a mother who had failed to win over her eldest son to feel the urge for a little revenge; so, Mme. de Marville hinted at the amazing marriage her Cecile was about to enter into. “Who is Cecile going to marry?” everyone was asking. And Cecile’s mother, without realizing she was revealing her secret, let slip a few words and shared whispered confidences, which were later added to by Mme. Berthier, until the gossip circulating in the bourgeois circles where Pons made his culinary appearances turned into something like the following:
“Cecile de Marville is engaged to be married to a young German, a banker from philanthropic motives, for he has four millions; he is like a hero in a novel, a perfect Werther, charming and kind-hearted. He has sown his wild oats, and he is distractedly in love with Cecile; it is a case of love at first sight; and so much the more certain, since Cecile had all Pons’ paintings of Madonnas for rivals,” and so forth and so forth.
“Cecile de Marville is set to marry a young German banker who has four million, motivated by philanthropy. He’s the kind of guy you'd read about in a novel, a perfect Werther—charming and kind-hearted. He’s done his partying and is madly in love with Cecile; it’s definitely love at first sight, especially since Cecile has all of Pons' Madonna paintings as competition,” and so on and so forth.
Two or three of the set came to call on the Presidente, ostensibly to congratulate, but really to find out whether or not the marvelous tale were true. For their benefit Mme. de Marville executed the following admirable variations on the theme of son-in-law which mothers may consult, as people used to refer to the Complete Letter Writer.
Two or three members of the group visited the Presidente, seemingly to congratulate her, but really to find out if the incredible story was true. For their sake, Mme. de Marville performed the following impressive variations on the theme of son-in-law, which mothers may refer to, much like people used to consult the Complete Letter Writer.
“A marriage is not an accomplished fact,” she told Mme. Chiffreville, “until you have been in the mayor’s office and the church. We have only come as far as a personal interview; so I count upon your friendship to say nothing of our hopes.”
“A marriage isn’t official,” she told Mme. Chiffreville, “until you’ve been to the mayor’s office and the church. We’ve only gotten as far as a personal meeting; so I’m relying on your friendship to keep our hopes to yourself.”
“You are very fortunate, madame; marriages are so difficult to arrange in these days.”
“You're very lucky, ma'am; it's so hard to set up marriages these days.”
“What can one do? It was chance; but marriages are often made in that way.”
“What can you do? It was just luck; but marriages often happen that way.”
“Ah! well. So you are going to marry Cecile?” said Mme. Cardot.
“Ah! Well. So you’re going to marry Cecile?” said Mme. Cardot.
“Yes,” said Cecile’s mother, fully understanding the meaning of the “so.” “We were very particular, or Cecile would have been established before this. But now we have found everything we wish: money, good temper, good character, and good looks; and my sweet little girl certainly deserves nothing less. M. Brunner is a charming young man, most distinguished; he is fond of luxury, he knows life; he is wild about Cecile, he loves her sincerely; and in spite of his three or four millions, Cecile is going to accept him.—We had not looked so high for her; still, store is no sore.”
“Yes,” said Cecile’s mother, fully understanding the meaning of the “so.” “We were very particular, or Cecile would have been settled by now. But now we have found everything we want: money, a good attitude, good character, and good looks; and my sweet little girl definitely deserves nothing less. M. Brunner is a charming young man, very distinguished; he enjoys luxury, he knows how to live; he’s crazy about Cecile, and he loves her genuinely; and despite his three or four million, Cecile is going to accept him.—We hadn’t aimed that high for her; still, a store is no sore.”
“It was not so much the fortune as the affection inspired by my daughter which decided us,” the Presidente told Mme. Lebas. “M. Brunner is in such a hurry that he wants the marriage to take place with the least possible delay.”
“It wasn’t so much the money as the love for my daughter that made us decide,” the Presidente told Mme. Lebas. “M. Brunner is in such a rush that he wants the marriage to happen as soon as possible.”
“Is he a foreigner?”
“Is he an outsider?”
“Yes, madame; but I am very fortunate, I confess. No, I shall not have a son-in-law, but a son. M. Brunner’s delicacy has quite won our hearts. No one would imagine how anxious he was to marry under the dotal system. It is a great security for families. He is going to invest twelve hundred thousand francs in grazing land, which will be added to Marville some day.”
“Yes, ma'am; but I’m really lucky, I have to admit. No, I won’t have a son-in-law, but a son. M. Brunner’s thoughtfulness has truly won us over. No one would guess how eager he was to marry under the dowry system. It’s a great security for families. He’s planning to invest twelve hundred thousand francs in grazing land, which will eventually be added to Marville.”
More variations followed on the morrow. For instance—M. Brunner was a great lord, doing everything in lordly fashion; he did not haggle. If M. de Marville could obtain letters of naturalization, qualifying M. Brunner for an office under Government (and the Home Secretary surely could strain a point for M. de Marville), his son-in-law would be a peer of France. Nobody knew how much money M. Brunner possessed; “he had the finest horses and the smartest carriages in Paris!” and so on and so on.
More variations appeared the next day. For example—M. Brunner was a big deal, handling everything in a grand way; he didn’t bargain. If M. de Marville could get letters of naturalization for M. Brunner, making him eligible for a government position (and the Home Secretary could definitely make an exception for M. de Marville), his son-in-law would become a peer of France. No one really knew how much money M. Brunner had; “he owned the finest horses and the fanciest carriages in Paris!” and so on and so on.
From the pleasure with which the Camusots published their hopes, it was pretty clear that this triumph was unexpected.
From the excitement with which the Camusots shared their hopes, it was pretty clear that this success was unexpected.
Immediately after the interview in Pons’ museum, M. de Marville, at his wife’s instance, begged the Home Secretary, his chief, and the attorney for the crown to dine with him on the occasion of the introduction of this phoenix of a son-in-law.
Immediately after the interview in Pons’ museum, M. de Marville, at his wife’s request, asked the Home Secretary, his boss, and the attorney for the crown to join him for dinner to celebrate the introduction of this remarkable son-in-law.
The three great personages accepted the invitation, albeit it was given on short notice; they all saw the part that they were to play in the family politics, and readily came to the father’s support. In France we are usually pretty ready to assist the mother of marriageable daughters to hook an eligible son-in-law. The Count and Countess Popinot likewise lent their presence to complete the splendor of the occasion, although they thought the invitation in questionable taste.
The three important figures accepted the invitation, even though it was given on short notice; they all understood their roles in the family dynamics and quickly supported the father. In France, we tend to be quite willing to help mothers of marriageable daughters snag an eligible son-in-law. The Count and Countess Popinot also attended to add to the event's grandeur, although they considered the invitation to be in poor taste.
There were eleven in all. Cecile’s grandfather, old Camusot, came, of course, with his wife to a family reunion purposely arranged to elicit a proposal from M. Brunner.
There were eleven in total. Cecile's grandfather, old Camusot, came, of course, with his wife to a family reunion specifically set up to draw out a proposal from M. Brunner.
The Camusot de Marvilles had given out that the guest of the evening was one of the richest capitalists in Germany, a man of taste (he was in love with “the little girl”), a future rival of the Nucingens, Kellers, du Tillets, and their like.
The Camusot de Marvilles had announced that the guest of the evening was one of the wealthiest businesspeople in Germany, a man with good taste (he was in love with “the little girl”), and a potential competitor of the Nucingens, Kellers, du Tillets, and others like them.
“It is our day,” said the Presidente with elaborate simplicity, when she had named her guests one by one for the German whom she already regarded as her son-in-law. “We have only a few intimate friends—first, my husband’s father, who, as you know, is sure to be raised to the peerage; M. le Comte and Mme. la Comtesse Popinot, whose son was not thought rich enough for Cecile; the Home Secretary; our First President; our attorney for the crown; our personal friends, in short.—We shall be obliged to dine rather late to-night, because the Chamber is sitting, and people cannot get away before six.”
“It’s our day,” said the Presidente simply, as she named her guests one by one for the German man she already considered her son-in-law. “We have only a few close friends—first, my husband’s father, who, as you know, is soon to be honored with a title; M. le Comte and Mme. la Comtesse Popinot, whose son wasn’t seen as wealthy enough for Cecile; the Home Secretary; our First President; our crown attorney; our close friends, basically.—We’ll have to eat a bit later tonight because the Chamber is in session, and people can’t leave until six.”
Brunner looked significantly at Pons, and Pons rubbed his hands as if to say, “Our friends, you see! My friends!”
Brunner gave Pons a meaningful look, and Pons rubbed his hands together as if to say, “Our friends, you see! My friends!”
Mme. de Marville, as a clever tactician, had something very particular to say to her cousin, that Cecile and her Werther might be left together for a moment. Cecile chattered away volubly, and contrived that Frederic should catch sight of a German dictionary, a German grammar, and a volume of Goethe hidden away in a place where he was likely to find them.
Mme. de Marville, being a clever strategist, had something specific to say to her cousin: that Cecile and her Werther could be left alone for a moment. Cecile chatted excitedly and made sure that Frederic noticed a German dictionary, a German grammar book, and a volume of Goethe tucked away where he was likely to find them.
“Ah! are you learning German?” asked Brunner, flushing red.
“Wow! Are you learning German?” asked Brunner, blushing.
(For laying traps of this kind the Frenchwoman has not her match!)
(When it comes to setting traps like this, no one can compare to the Frenchwoman!)
“Oh! how naughty you are!” she cried; “it is too bad of you, monsieur, to explore my hiding-places like this. I want to read Goethe in the original,” she added; “I have been learning German for two years.”
“Oh! how naughty you are!” she exclaimed; “it’s really unfair of you, sir, to snoop around my hiding spots like this. I want to read Goethe in the original,” she added; “I’ve been learning German for two years.”
“Then the grammar must be very difficult to learn, for scarcely ten pages have been cut—” Brunner remarked with much candor.
“Then the grammar must be really hard to learn, because hardly ten pages have been edited—” Brunner said honestly.
Cecile, abashed, turned away to hide her blushes. A German cannot resist a display of this kind; Brunner caught Cecile’s hand, made her turn, and watched her confusion under his gaze, after the manner of the heroes of the novels of Auguste Lafontaine of chaste memory.
Cecile, embarrassed, turned away to hide her blushes. A German can't resist a show like this; Brunner grabbed Cecile’s hand, made her turn, and observed her flustered reaction under his gaze, just like the heroes in the novels of Auguste Lafontaine of pure memory.
“You are adorable,” said he.
“You're adorable,” he said.
Cecile’s petulant gesture replied, “So are you—who could help liking you?”
Cecile’s sulky gesture responded, “So are you—who wouldn’t like you?”
“It is all right, mamma,” she whispered to her parent, who came up at that moment with Pons.
“It’s okay, mom,” she whispered to her parent, who arrived at that moment with Pons.
The sight of a family party on these occasions is not to be described. Everybody was well satisfied to see a mother put her hand on an eligible son-in-law. Compliments, double-barreled and double-charged, were paid to Brunner (who pretended to understand nothing); to Cecile, on whom nothing was lost; and to the Presidente, who fished for them. Pons heard the blood singing in his ears, the light of all the blazing gas-jets of the theatre footlights seemed to be dazzling his eyes, when Cecile, in a low voice and with the most ingenious circumspection, spoke of her father’s plan of the annuity of twelve hundred francs. The old artist positively declined the offer, bringing forward the value of his fortune in furniture, only now made known to him by Brunner.
The sight of a family party on these occasions is beyond description. Everyone was happy to see a mother eyeing an eligible son-in-law. Compliments, loaded and heartfelt, were directed at Brunner (who pretended to be clueless); at Cecile, who missed nothing; and at the Presidente, who was fishing for praise. Pons felt a rush of excitement in his ears, and the brightness of all the gas lights in the theater dazzled his eyes when Cecile, in a low voice and with clever caution, mentioned her father's plan for a twelve hundred franc annuity. The old artist outright rejected the offer, citing the value of his furniture, which Brunner had just revealed to him.
The Home Secretary, the First President, the attorney for the crown, the Popinots, and those who had other engagements, all went; and before long no one was left except M. Camusot senior, and Cardot the old notary, and his assistant and son-in-law Berthier. Pons, worthy soul, looking round and seeing no one but the family, blundered out a speech of thanks to the President and his wife for the proposal which Cecile had just made to him. So it is with those who are guided by their feelings; they act upon impulse. Brunner, hearing of an annuity offered in this way, thought that it had very much the look of a commission paid to Pons; he made an Israelite’s return upon himself, his attitude told of more than cool calculation.
The Home Secretary, the First President, the crown's attorney, the Popinots, and those with other commitments all left; before long, the only ones remaining were M. Camusot senior, Cardot the old notary, and his assistant and son-in-law Berthier. Pons, a good soul, looked around and seeing only the family, blurted out a speech of thanks to the President and his wife for the proposal Cecile had just made to him. That's how it is with people guided by their emotions; they act on impulse. Brunner, hearing about an annuity offered this way, thought it looked very much like a commission paid to Pons; his demeanor suggested more than just cool calculation.
Meanwhile Pons was saying to his astonished relations, “My collection or its value will, in any case, go to your family, whether I come to terms with our friend Brunner or keep it.” The Camusots were amazed to hear that Pons was so rich.
Meanwhile, Pons was telling his shocked relatives, “My collection and its value will definitely go to your family, whether I strike a deal with our friend Brunner or keep it.” The Camusots were surprised to learn that Pons was so wealthy.
Brunner, watching, saw how all these ignorant people looked favorably upon a man once believed to be poor so soon as they knew that he had great possessions. He had seen, too, already that Cecile was spoiled by her father and mother; he amused himself, therefore, by astonishing the good bourgeois.
Brunner, observing, noticed how all these clueless people changed their opinions about a man they once thought was poor the moment they learned he had a lot of money. He also realized that Cecile was spoiled by her parents; so, he entertained himself by shocking the respectable middle-class folks.
“I was telling mademoiselle,” said he, “that M. Pons’ pictures were worth that sum to me; but the prices of works of art have risen so much of late, that no one can tell how much the collection might sell for at public auction. The sixty pictures might fetch a million francs; several that I saw the other day were worth fifty thousand apiece.”
“I was telling her,” he said, “that M. Pons’ paintings are worth that much to me; but the prices of artwork have gone up so much lately that no one really knows how much the collection could sell for at a public auction. The sixty paintings might bring in a million francs; some that I saw the other day were valued at fifty thousand each.”
“It is a fine thing to be your heir!” remarked old Cardot, looking at Pons.
“It’s great to be your heir!” said old Cardot, looking at Pons.
“My heir is my Cousin Cecile here,” answered Pons, insisting on the relationship. There was a flutter of admiration at this.
“My heir is my cousin Cecile here,” Pons said, emphasizing their relationship. This caused a stir of admiration.
“She will be a very rich heiress,” laughed old Cardot, as he took his departure.
“She’s going to be a really wealthy heiress,” laughed old Cardot as he left.
Camusot senior, the President and his wife, Cecile, Brunner, Berthier, and Pons were now left together; for it was assumed that the formal demand for Cecile’s hand was about to be made. No sooner was Cardot gone, indeed, than Brunner began with an inquiry which augured well.
Camusot senior, the President, and his wife, Cecile, along with Brunner, Berthier, and Pons, were now left together since it was expected that the formal proposal for Cecile’s hand was about to be made. As soon as Cardot left, Brunner started with a question that seemed promising.
“I think I understood,” he said, turning to Mme. de Marville, “that mademoiselle is your only daughter.”
“I think I get it,” he said, turning to Mme. de Marville, “that mademoiselle is your only daughter.”
“Certainly,” the lady said proudly.
"Sure," the woman said proudly.
“Nobody will make any difficulties,” Pons, good soul, put in by way of encouraging Brunner to bring out his proposal.
“Nobody will make it difficult,” Pons, a kind-hearted person, chimed in to encourage Brunner to share his proposal.
But Brunner grew thoughtful, and an ominous silence brought on a coolness of the strangest kind. The Presidente might have admitted that her “little girl” was subject to epileptic fits. The President, thinking that Cecile ought not to be present, signed to her to go. She went. Still Brunner said nothing. They all began to look at one another. The situation was growing awkward.
But Brunner became thoughtful, and a heavy silence created a strangely cool atmosphere. The Presidente might have acknowledged that her “little girl” had epileptic seizures. The President, believing that Cecile shouldn’t be there, gestured for her to leave. She left. Still, Brunner didn’t say anything. They all started looking at each other. The situation was becoming uncomfortable.
Camusot senior, a man of experience, took the German to Mme. de Marville’s room, ostensibly to show him Pons’ fan. He saw that some difficulty had arisen, and signed to the rest to leave him alone with Cecile’s suitor-designate.
Camusot senior, an experienced man, took the German to Mme. de Marville’s room, supposedly to show him Pons’ fan. He noticed that some trouble had come up, and signaled for the others to leave him alone with Cecile’s intended.
“Here is the masterpiece,” said Camusot, opening out the fan.
“Here is the masterpiece,” said Camusot, unfolding the fan.
Brunner took it in his hand and looked at it. “It is worth five thousand francs,” he said after a moment.
Brunner picked it up and examined it. “It’s worth five thousand francs,” he said after a moment.
“Did you not come here, sir, to ask for my granddaughter?” inquired the future peer of France.
“Did you not come here, sir, to ask for my granddaughter?” the future peer of France asked.
“Yes, sir,” said Brunner; “and I beg you to believe that no possible marriage could be more flattering to my vanity. I shall never find any one more charming nor more amiable, nor a young lady who answers to my ideas like Mlle. Cecile; but—”
“Yes, sir,” said Brunner; “and I ask you to believe that no marriage could flatter my ego more. I will never come across anyone more charming or kind, nor a young lady who aligns with my ideals like Mlle. Cecile; but—”
“Oh, no buts!” old Camusot broke in; “or let us have the translation of your ‘buts’ at once, my dear sir.”
“Oh, no buts!” old Camusot interrupted; “or let us have the translation of your ‘buts’ right now, my dear sir.”
“I am very glad, sir, that the matter has gone no further on either side,” Brunner answered gravely. “I had no idea that Mlle. Cecile was an only daughter. Anybody else would consider this an advantage; but to me, believe me, it is an insurmountable obstacle to—”
“I’m really glad, sir, that this hasn’t gone any further on either side,” Brunner replied seriously. “I had no idea that Mlle. Cecile was an only daughter. Most people would see this as a benefit; but to me, trust me, it’s an insurmountable obstacle to—”
“What, sir!” cried Camusot, amazed beyond measure. “Do you find a positive drawback in an immense advantage? Your conduct is really extraordinary; I should very much like to hear the explanation of it.”
“What, sir!” exclaimed Camusot, utterly astonished. “Do you see a downside to such a huge benefit? Your behavior is truly remarkable; I would really like to hear your explanation for it.”
“I came here this evening, sir,” returned the German phlegmatically, “intending to ask M. le President for his daughter’s hand. It was my desire to give Mlle. Cecile a brilliant future by offering her so much of my fortune as she would consent to accept. But an only daughter is a child whose will is law to indulgent parents, who has never been contradicted. I have had the opportunity of observing this in many families, where parents worship divinities of this kind. And your granddaughter is not only the idol of the house, but Mme. la Presidente... you know what I mean. I have seen my father’s house turned into a hell, sir, from this very cause. My stepmother, the source of all my misfortunes, an only daughter, idolized by her parents, the most charming betrothed imaginable, after marriage became a fiend incarnate. I do not doubt that Mlle. Cecile is an exception to the rule; but I am not a young man, I am forty years old, and the difference between our ages entails difficulties which would put it out of my power to make the young lady happy, when Mme. la Presidente always carried out her daughter’s every wish and listened to her as if Mademoiselle was an oracle. What right have I to expect Mlle. Cecile to change her habits and ideas? Instead of a father and mother who indulge her every whim, she would find an egotistic man of forty; if she should resist, the man of forty would have the worst of it. So, as an honest man—I withdraw. If there should be any need to explain my visit here, I desire to be entirely sacrificed—”
“I came here this evening, sir,” the German replied calmly, “planning to ask M. le Président for his daughter’s hand. I wanted to give Mlle. Cecile a bright future by offering her as much of my fortune as she would be willing to accept. But an only daughter is a child whose wishes are law to indulgent parents who have never said no. I’ve noticed this in many families, where parents practically worship their daughters. And your granddaughter is not only the center of the household, but Mme. la Présidente... you know what I mean. I’ve seen my father's house turn into a nightmare because of this. My stepmother, the source of all my troubles, an only daughter who was adored by her parents, the most charming fiancé imaginable, transformed into a complete nightmare after marriage. I don’t doubt that Mlle. Cecile is an exception, but I’m not a young man; I’m forty years old, and the age difference brings about challenges that would make it impossible for me to make the young lady happy, especially when Mme. la Présidente caters to her daughter’s every desire and treats her like an oracle. What right do I have to expect Mlle. Cecile to change her habits and views? Instead of having a father and mother who indulge her every whim, she would have a selfish man of forty; if she resisted, the man of forty would be the one to suffer. So, as an honest man—I withdraw. If there’s any need to explain my visit here, I’d prefer to be completely sacrificed—”
“If these are your motives, sir,” said the future peer of France, “however singular they may be, they are plausible—”
“If these are your reasons, sir,” said the future peer of France, “no matter how unusual they may be, they are believable—”
“Do not call my sincerity in question, sir,” Brunner interrupted quickly. “If you know of a penniless girl, one of a large family, well brought up but without fortune, as happens very often in France; and if her character offers me security, I will marry her.”
“Don’t question my sincerity, sir,” Brunner interrupted swiftly. “If you know of a broke girl, from a big family, well-raised but without any money, which happens quite often in France; and if her character assures me of stability, I will marry her.”
A pause followed; Frederic Brunner left Cecile’s grandfather and politely took leave of his host and hostess. When he was gone, Cecile appeared, a living commentary upon her Werther’s leave-taking; she was ghastly pale. She had hidden in her mother’s wardrobe and overheard the whole conversation.
A pause followed; Frederic Brunner left Cecile’s grandfather and politely said goodbye to his host and hostess. After he left, Cecile showed up, a living reflection of Werther’s farewell; she was deathly pale. She had hidden in her mom’s closet and overheard the entire conversation.
“Refused!...” she said in a low voice for her mother’s ear.
“Refused!...” she said quietly so her mother could hear.
“And why?” asked the Presidente, fixing her eyes upon her embarrassed father-in-law.
“And why?” asked the President, gazing at her embarrassed father-in-law.
“Upon the fine pretext that an only daughter is a spoilt child,” replied that gentleman. “And he is not altogether wrong there,” he added, seizing an opportunity of putting the blame on the daughter-in-law, who had worried him not a little for twenty years.
“Using the convenient excuse that an only daughter is a spoiled child,” replied that gentleman. “And he’s not completely wrong about that,” he added, taking the chance to blame the daughter-in-law, who had caused him no small amount of stress for twenty years.
“It will kill my child!” cried the Presidente, “and it is your doing!” she exclaimed, addressing Pons, as she supported her fainting daughter, for Cecile thought well to make good her mother’s words by sinking into her arms. The President and his wife carried Cecile to an easy-chair, where she swooned outright. The grandfather rang for the servants.
“It will kill my child!” cried the Presidente, “and it’s your fault!” she exclaimed, directing her anger at Pons as she held her fainting daughter, who decided to support her mother’s words by collapsing into her arms. The President and his wife took Cecile to an armchair, where she passed out completely. The grandfather called for the servants.
“It is a plot of his weaving; I see it all now,” said the infuriated mother.
“It’s his tangled web; I see it clearly now,” said the furious mother.
Pons sprang up as if the trump of doom were sounding in his ears.
Pons jumped up as if a trumpet signaling the end of the world was blaring in his ears.
“Yes!” said the lady, her eyes like two springs of green bile, “this gentleman wished to repay a harmless joke by an insult. Who will believe that that German was right in his mind? He is either an accomplice in a wicked scheme of revenge, or he is crazy. I hope, M. Pons, that in future you will spare us the annoyance of seeing you in the house where you have tried to bring shame and dishonor.”
“Absolutely!” said the woman, her eyes bright and intense like two pools of green liquid, “this gentleman tried to pay back a harmless joke with an insult. Who will believe that German was thinking clearly? He’s either involved in a nasty plan for revenge or he’s lost his mind. I hope, M. Pons, that in the future you will save us the trouble of having to see you in the place where you’ve tried to bring shame and disgrace.”
Pons stood like a statue, with his eyes fixed on the pattern of the carpet.
Pons stood still like a statue, his eyes glued to the design on the carpet.
“Well! Are you still here, monster of ingratitude?” cried she, turning round on Pons, who was twirling his thumbs.—“Your master and I are never at home, remember, if this gentleman calls,” she continued, turning to the servants.—“Jean, go for the doctor; and bring hartshorn, Madeleine.”
“Well! Are you still here, ungrateful monster?” she shouted, turning to Pons, who was twiddling his thumbs. “Remember, my master and I are never at home if this gentleman comes calling,” she went on, addressing the servants. “Jean, go get the doctor; and bring some hartshorn, Madeleine.”
In the Presidente’s eyes, the reason given by Brunner was simply an excuse, there was something else behind; but, at the same time, the fact that the marriage was broken off was only the more certain. A woman’s mind works swiftly in great crises, and Mme. de Marville had hit at once upon the one method of repairing the check. She chose to look upon it as a scheme of revenge. This notion of ascribing a fiendish scheme to Pons satisfied family honor. Faithful to her dislike of the cousin, she treated a feminine suspicion as a fact. Women, generally speaking, hold a creed peculiar to themselves, a code of their own; to them anything which serves their interests or their passions is true. The Presidente went a good deal further. In the course of the evening she talked the President into her belief, and next morning found the magistrate convinced of his cousin’s culpability.
In the President’s eyes, Brunner’s explanation was just an excuse; there was more going on underneath. However, the fact that the marriage was called off was all the more certain. A woman’s mind works quickly in major crises, and Mme. de Marville immediately came up with a way to fix the situation. She decided to view it as a revenge scheme. This idea of blaming Pons for a wicked plot satisfied her sense of family honor. Staying true to her dislike for her cousin, she treated a woman’s suspicion as undeniable fact. Generally speaking, women have their own unique beliefs and code; to them, anything that serves their interests or passions is true. The Presidente went even further. Throughout the evening, she convinced the President of her belief, and the next morning, he was fully convinced of his cousin’s guilt.
Every one, no doubt, will condemn the lady’s horrible conduct; but what mother in Mme. Camusot’s position will not do the same? Put the choice between her own daughter and an alien, she will prefer to sacrifice the honor of the latter. There are many ways of doing this, but the end in view is the same.
Everyone will certainly condemn the lady’s terrible behavior; but which mother in Mme. Camusot’s situation wouldn’t do the same? When faced with the choice between her own daughter and someone else, she will choose to sacrifice the honor of the other person. There are many ways to achieve this, but the goal remains the same.
The old musician fled down the staircase in haste; but he went slowly along the boulevards to his theatre, he turned in mechanically at the door, and mechanically he took his place and conducted the orchestra. In the interval he gave such random answers to Schmucke’s questions, that his old friend dissembled his fear that Pons’ mind had given way. To so childlike a nature, the recent scene took the proportions of a catastrophe. He had meant to make every one happy, and he had aroused a terrible slumbering feeling of hate; everything had been turned topsy-turvy. He had at last seen mortal hate in the Presidente’s eyes, tones, and gesture.
The old musician hurried down the stairs, but he walked slowly along the boulevards to his theater. He entered the door on autopilot and automatically took his place to conduct the orchestra. During the break, he gave such random answers to Schmucke’s questions that his old friend hid his worry about Pons’ fading mind. For someone with such a childlike nature, the recent scene felt like a disaster. He had wanted to make everyone happy but ended up stirring up a deep-seated feeling of hate; everything had been turned upside down. For the first time, he had seen real hatred in the Presidente’s eyes, voice, and gestures.
On the morrow, Mme. Camusot de Marville made a great resolution; the President likewise sanctioned the step now forced upon them by circumstances. It was determined that the estate of Marville should be settled upon Cecile at the time of her marriage, as well as the house in the Rue de Hanovre and a hundred thousand francs. In the course of the morning, the Presidente went to call upon the Comtesse Popinot; for she saw plainly that nothing but a settled marriage could enable them to recover after such a check. To the Comtesse Popinot she told the shocking story of Pons’ revenge, Pons’ hideous hoax. It all seemed probable enough when it came out that the marriage had been broken off simply on the pretext that Cecile was an only daughter. The Presidente next dwelt artfully upon the advantage of adding “de Marville” to the name of Popinot; and the immense dowry. At the present price fetched by land in Normandy, at two per cent, the property represented nine hundred thousand francs, and the house in the Rue de Hanovre about two hundred and fifty thousand. No reasonable family could refuse such an alliance. The Comte and Comtesse Popinot accepted; and as they were now touched by the honor of the family which they were about to enter, they promised to help explain away yesterday evening’s mishap.
The next day, Mme. Camusot de Marville made a big decision; the President also agreed to the course of action that circumstances had forced upon them. It was decided that the estate of Marville would be given to Cecile when she got married, along with the house on Rue de Hanovre and a hundred thousand francs. In the morning, the Presidente visited the Comtesse Popinot, knowing that only a stable marriage could help them recover from such a setback. She told the Comtesse Popinot the shocking story of Pons’ revenge, Pons’ terrible trick. It all seemed believable when it was revealed that the engagement was called off just because Cecile was an only daughter. The Presidente then cleverly highlighted the benefits of adding “de Marville” to the Popinot name and the huge dowry involved. At the current land prices in Normandy, at two percent, the property was valued at nine hundred thousand francs, and the house on Rue de Hanovre was worth about two hundred and fifty thousand. No sensible family could turn down such a match. The Comte and Comtesse Popinot agreed; and since they were now honored to join the family, they promised to help explain away the mishap from the previous evening.
And now in the house of the elder Camusot, before the very persons who had heard Mme. de Marville singing Frederic Brunner’s praises but a few days ago, that lady, to whom nobody ventured to speak on the topic, plunged courageously into explanations.
And now, in the home of the older Camusot, right in front of the people who had heard Mme. de Marville singing Frederic Brunner's praises just a few days ago, that lady, whom no one dared to address about the subject, boldly dove into explanations.
“Really, nowadays” (she said), “one could not be too careful if a marriage was in question, especially if one had to do with foreigners.”
“Honestly, these days,” she said, “you can’t be too careful when it comes to marriage, especially if you’re dealing with foreigners.”
“And why, madame?”
“And why, ma'am?”
“What has happened to you?” asked Mme. Chiffreville.
“What happened to you?” asked Mme. Chiffreville.
“Do you not know about our adventure with that Brunner, who had the audacity to aspire to marry Cecile? His father was a German that kept a wine-shop, and his uncle is a dealer in rabbit-skins!”
“Don’t you know about our adventure with that Brunner, who had the nerve to want to marry Cecile? His father was a German who owned a wine shop, and his uncle is a dealer in rabbit skins!”
“Is it possible? So clear-sighted as you are!...” murmured a lady.
“Is it possible? As clear-sighted as you are!...” murmured a lady.
“These adventurers are so cunning. But we found out everything through Berthier. His friend is a beggar that plays the flute. He is friendly with a person who lets furnished lodgings in the Rue du Mail and some tailor or other.... We found out that he had led a most disreputable life, and no amount of fortune would be enough for a scamp that has run through his mother’s property.”
“These adventurers are really clever. But we figured everything out through Berthier. His friend is a beggar who plays the flute. He’s on good terms with someone who rents out furnished rooms on Rue du Mail and some tailor or something... We learned that he led a pretty shady life, and no amount of money would be enough for a scoundrel who has squandered his mother’s inheritance.”
“Why, Mlle. de Marville would have been wretched!” said Mme. Berthier.
“Why, Mlle. de Marville would have been miserable!” said Mme. Berthier.
“How did he come to your house?” asked old Mme. Lebas.
“How did he get to your house?” asked old Mme. Lebas.
“It was M. Pons. Out of revenge, he introduced this fine gentleman to us, to make us ridiculous.... This Brunner (it is the same name as Fontaine in French)—this Brunner, that was made out to be such a grandee, has poor enough health, he is bald, and his teeth are bad. The first sight of him was enough for me; I distrusted him from the first.”
“It was M. Pons. Out of spite, he introduced this fine gentleman to us to make us look ridiculous.... This Brunner (it's the same name as Fontaine in French)—this Brunner, who was portrayed as some big shot, is in pretty poor health, he's bald, and his teeth are bad. The moment I saw him, I didn't trust him at all.”
“But how about the great fortune that you spoke of?” a young married woman asked shyly.
“But what about the great fortune you mentioned?” a young married woman asked shyly.
“The fortune was not nearly so large as they said. These tailors and the landlord and he all scraped the money together among them, and put all their savings into this bank that they are starting. What is a bank for those that begin in these days? Simply a license to ruin themselves. A banker’s wife may lie down at night a millionaire and wake up in the morning with nothing but her settlement. At first word, at the very first sight of him, we made up our minds about this gentleman—he is not one of us. You can tell by his gloves, by his waistcoat, that he is a working man, the son of a man that kept a pot-house somewhere in Germany; he has not the instincts of a gentleman; he drinks beer, and he smokes—smokes? ah! madame, twenty-five pipes a day!... What would have become of poor Lili? ... It makes me shudder even now to think of it. God has indeed preserved us! And besides, Cecile never liked him.... Who would have expected such a trick from a relative, an old friend of the house that had dined with us twice a week for twenty years? We have loaded him with benefits, and he played his game so well, that he said Cecile was his heir before the Keeper of the Seals and the Attorney General and the Home Secretary!... That Brunner and M. Pons had their story ready, and each of them said that the other was worth millions!... No, I do assure you, all of you would have been taken in by an artist’s hoax like that.”
“The fortune was nowhere near as big as they claimed. The tailors, the landlord, and he all pooled their money and invested all their savings into this bank they’re starting. What’s a bank for those who are just starting out these days? It's basically a license to ruin themselves. A banker’s wife might go to bed a millionaire and wake up in the morning with nothing but her settlement. From the moment we first saw him, we decided he wasn’t one of us. You can tell by his gloves, by his waistcoat, that he’s a working man, the son of a man who ran a bar somewhere in Germany; he doesn’t have the instincts of a gentleman; he drinks beer and smokes—smokes? Oh! Madame, twenty-five pipes a day!... What would have become of poor Lili? ... It still makes me shudder to think about it. God has truly saved us! And besides, Cecile never liked him.... Who would have expected such a betrayal from a relative, an old friend of the family who had dined with us twice a week for twenty years? We’ve done so much for him, and he played his cards so well that he claimed Cecile was his heir before the Keeper of the Seals, the Attorney General, and the Home Secretary!... That Brunner and M. Pons had their story straight, each claiming that the other was worth millions!... No, I assure you, all of you would have fallen for an artist’s trick like that.”
In a few weeks’ time, the united forces of the Camusot and Popinot families gained an easy victory in the world, for nobody undertook to defend the unfortunate Pons, that parasite, that curmudgeon, that skinflint, that smooth-faced humbug, on whom everybody heaped scorn; he was a viper cherished in the bosom of the family, he had not his match for spite, he was a dangerous mountebank whom nobody ought to mention.
In a few weeks, the combined efforts of the Camusot and Popinot families achieved an effortless victory in society, as no one stepped up to defend the unfortunate Pons, that leech, that miser, that tightwad, that slick-faced fraud, who was ridiculed by everyone; he was a viper embraced by the family, unmatched in his spite, and a dangerous trickster no one should bring up.
About a month after the perfidious Werther’s withdrawal, poor Pons left his bed for the first time after an attack of nervous fever, and walked along the sunny side of the street leaning on Schmucke’s arm. Nobody in the Boulevard du Temple laughed at the “pair of nutcrackers,” for one of the old men looked so shattered, and the other so touchingly careful of his invalid friend. By the time that they reached the Boulevard Poissonniere, a little color came back to Pons’ face; he was breathing the air of the boulevards, he felt the vitalizing power of the atmosphere of the crowded street, the life-giving property of the air that is noticeable in quarters where human life abounds; in the filthy Roman Ghetto, for instance, with its swarming Jewish population, where malaria is unknown. Perhaps, too, the sight of the streets, the great spectacle of Paris, the daily pleasure of his life, did the invalid good. They walked on side by side, though Pons now and again left his friend to look at the shop windows. Opposite the Theatre des Varietes he saw Count Popinot, and went up to him very respectfully, for of all men Pons esteemed and venerated the ex-Minister.
About a month after the treacherous Werther left, poor Pons got out of bed for the first time after suffering from nervous fever, and walked along the sunny side of the street with Schmucke’s support. Nobody on the Boulevard du Temple laughed at the “pair of nutcrackers,” since one of the older men looked so frail, and the other was so lovingly careful of his sick friend. By the time they reached the Boulevard Poissonniere, a bit of color had returned to Pons’ face; he was breathing in the air of the boulevards, feeling the revitalizing energy of the bustling street, the life-giving qualities of the atmosphere where people thrive; like in the gritty Roman Ghetto, for instance, crowded with its Jewish population, where malaria is unheard of. Perhaps, too, the sights of the streets, the grand spectacle of Paris, the daily joy of his life, were good for the invalid. They strolled side by side, although Pons occasionally paused to admire the shop windows. Across from the Theatre des Varietes, he spotted Count Popinot and approached him respectfully, for Pons held the ex-Minister in the highest regard.
The peer of France answered him severely:
The French noble responded to him sternly:
“I am at a loss to understand, sir, how you can have no more tact than to speak to a near connection of a family whom you tried to brand with shame and ridicule by a trick which no one but an artist could devise. Understand this, sir, that from to-day we must be complete strangers to each other. Mme. la Comtesse Popinot, like every one else, feels indignant at your behavior to the Marvilles.”
“I can't understand, sir, how you lack the tact to speak to someone closely related to a family you tried to shame and humiliate with a trick only an artist could come up with. Know this, sir: starting today, we must be complete strangers. Madame la Comtesse Popinot, like everyone else, is upset with how you've treated the Marvilles.”
And Count Popinot passed on, leaving Pons thunderstruck. Passion, justice, policy, and great social forces never take into account the condition of the human creature whom they strike down. The statesman, driven by family considerations to crush Pons, did not so much as see the physical weakness of his redoubtable enemy.
And Count Popinot moved on, leaving Pons in shock. Passion, justice, politics, and huge social forces don’t consider the condition of the individual they impact. The statesman, motivated by family matters to defeat Pons, didn’t even notice the physical frailty of his formidable opponent.
“Vat is it, mine boor friend?” exclaimed Schmucke, seeing how white Pons had grown.
“What's wrong, my dear friend?” exclaimed Schmucke, noticing how pale Pons had become.
“It is a fresh stab in the heart,” Pons replied, leaning heavily on Schmucke’s arm. “I think that no one, save God in heaven, can have any right to do good, and that is why all those who meddle in His work are so cruelly punished.”
“It’s a fresh stab in the heart,” Pons replied, leaning heavily on Schmucke’s arm. “I believe that no one, except God in heaven, has the right to do good, which is why everyone who interferes in His work faces such harsh punishment.”
The old artist’s sarcasm was uttered with a supreme effort; he was trying, excellent creature, to quiet the dismay visible in Schmucke’s face.
The old artist's sarcasm came out with great effort; he was trying, that wonderful creature, to calm the worry evident in Schmucke's face.
“So I dink,” Schmucke replied simply.
"So I think," Schmucke replied simply.
Pons could not understand it. Neither the Camusots nor the Popinots had sent him notice of Cecile’s wedding.
Pons couldn't understand it. Neither the Camusots nor the Popinots had informed him about Cecile’s wedding.
On the Boulevard des Italiens Pons saw M. Cardot coming towards them. Warned by Count Popinot’s allocution, Pons was very careful not to accost the old acquaintance with whom he had dined once a fortnight for the last year; he lifted his hat, but the other, mayor and deputy of Paris, threw him an indignant glance and went by. Pons turned to Schmucke.
On the Boulevard des Italiens, Pons spotted M. Cardot approaching them. Remembering Count Popinot’s advice, Pons was careful not to greet the old acquaintance with whom he had dined every two weeks for the past year; he lifted his hat, but Cardot, the mayor and deputy of Paris, shot him an annoyed look and walked past. Pons turned to Schmucke.
“Do go and ask him what it is that they all have against me,” he said to the friend who knew all the details of the catastrophe that Pons could tell him.
“Please go and ask him what everyone has against me,” he said to the friend who knew all the details of the disaster that Pons could share with him.
“Mennseir,” Schmucke began diplomatically, “mine friend Bons is chust recofering from an illness; you haf no doubt fail to rekognize him?”
“Monsieur,” Schmucke began diplomatically, “my friend Bons is just recovering from an illness; you have no doubt failed to recognize him?”
“Not in the least.”
"Not at all."
“But mit vat kann you rebroach him?”
“But what can you blame him for?”
“You have a monster of ingratitude for a friend, sir; if he is still alive, it is because nothing kills ill weeds. People do well to mistrust artists; they are as mischievous and spiteful as monkeys. This friend of yours tried to dishonor his own family, and to blight a young girl’s character, in revenge for a harmless joke. I wish to have nothing to do with him; I shall do my best to forget that I have known him, or that such a man exists. All the members of his family and my own share the wish, sir, so do all the persons who once did the said Pons the honor of receiving him.”
“You have a truly ungrateful friend, sir; if he’s still around, it’s just because bad weeds never die. People are right to be suspicious of artists; they can be as troublesome and mean-spirited as monkeys. This friend of yours tried to ruin his own family’s reputation and damage a young girl’s character as revenge for a harmless joke. I want nothing to do with him; I’ll do my best to forget I ever knew him or that someone like him even exists. Everyone in his family and mine feels the same way, sir, as do all the people who once had the honor of hosting that Pons.”
“Boot, mennseir, you are a reasonaple mann; gif you vill bermit me, I shall exblain die affair—”
“Listen, sir, you’re a reasonable man; if you’ll allow me, I’ll explain the situation—”
“You are quite at liberty to remain his friend, sir, if you are minded that way,” returned Cardot, “but you need go no further; for I must give you warning that in my opinion those who try to excuse or defend his conduct are just as much to blame.”
“You're free to stay his friend, sir, if that’s what you want,” Cardot replied, “but you don’t need to do anything more; I have to warn you that in my view, those who try to excuse or defend his actions are just as guilty.”
“To chustify it?”
"To justify it?"
“Yes, for his conduct can neither be justified nor qualified.” And with that word, the deputy for the Seine went his way; he would not hear another syllable.
“Yes, his behavior can't be justified or excused.” And with that, the deputy for the Seine walked away; he wouldn’t listen to another word.
“I have two powers in the State against me,” smiled poor Pons, when Schmucke had repeated these savage speeches.
“I have two forces in the State against me,” smiled poor Pons, when Schmucke had repeated these harsh statements.
“Eferpody is against us,” Schmucke answered dolorously. “Let us go avay pefore we shall meed oder fools.”
“Everyone is against us,” Schmucke replied sadly. “Let’s get away before we run into other fools.”
Never before in the course of a truly ovine life had Schmucke uttered such words as these. Never before had his almost divine meekness been ruffled. He had smiled childlike on all the mischances that befell him, but he could not look and see his sublime Pons maltreated; his Pons, his unknown Aristides, the genius resigned to his lot, the nature that knew no bitterness, the treasury of kindness, the heart of gold!... Alceste’s indignation filled Schmucke’s soul—he was moved to call Pons’ amphitryons “fools.” For his pacific nature that impulse equaled the wrath of Roland.
Never before in Schmucke's life had he spoken words like these. His almost divine humility had never been disturbed. He had always smiled childishly at the misfortunes that came his way, but he couldn't bear to watch his beloved Pons being mistreated; his Pons, his unknown hero, the genius who accepted his fate, the person who knew no bitterness, the source of kindness, the one with a heart of gold!... Alceste's anger ignited Schmucke's spirit—he felt compelled to call Pons' hosts "fools." For his gentle nature, that urge was as powerful as Roland's fury.
With wise foresight, Schmucke turned to go home by the way of the Boulevard du Temple, Pons passively submitting like a fallen fighter, heedless of blows; but chance ordered that he should know that all his world was against him. The House of Peers, the Chamber of Deputies, strangers and the family, the strong, the weak, and the innocent, all combined to send down the avalanche.
With careful consideration, Schmucke chose to head home via the Boulevard du Temple, while Pons allowed himself to be led like a defeated fighter, indifferent to any hits he took; however, fate revealed to him that everyone around him was against him. The House of Peers, the Chamber of Deputies, strangers, family, the strong, the weak, and the innocent all joined forces to bring down the avalanche.
In the Boulevard Poissonniere, Pons caught sight of that very M. Cardot’s daughter, who, young as she was, had learned to be charitable to others through trouble of her own. Her husband knew a secret by which he kept her in bondage. She was the only one among Pons’ hostesses whom he called by her Christian name; he addressed Mme. Berthier as “Felicie,” and he thought that she understood him. The gentle creature seemed to be distressed by the sight of Cousin Pons, as he was called (though he was in no way related to the family of the second wife of a cousin by marriage). There was no help for it, however; Felicie Berthier stopped to speak to the invalid.
In Boulevard Poissonnière, Pons noticed M. Cardot’s daughter, who, despite her youth, had learned to be kind to others because of her own struggles. Her husband held a secret that kept her trapped. She was the only one among Pons' hosts whom he referred to by her first name; he called Mme. Berthier “Félicie,” believing that she understood him. The sweet woman appeared to be uncomfortable seeing Cousin Pons, as he was known (even though he wasn’t actually related to the family of his cousin’s second wife). Still, Félicie Berthier couldn’t help but stop to talk to the sick man.
“I did not think you were cruel, cousin,” she said; “but if even a quarter of all that I hear of you is true, you are very false.... Oh! do not justify yourself,” she added quickly, seeing Pons’ significant gesture, “it is useless, for two reasons. In the first place, I have no right to accuse or judge or condemn anybody, for I myself know so well how much may be said for those who seem to be most guilty; secondly, your explanation would do no good. M. Berthier drew up the marriage contract for Mlle. de Marville and the Vicomte Popinot; he is so exasperated, that if he knew that I had so much as spoken one word to you, one word for the last time, he would scold me. Everybody is against you.”
“I didn’t think you were cruel, cousin,” she said. “But if even a fraction of what I hear about you is true, you’re very deceitful... Oh! Don’t try to defend yourself,” she added quickly, noticing Pons’ telling gesture, “it’s pointless for two reasons. First, I have no right to accuse, judge, or condemn anyone, since I know all too well how much can be said in favor of those who seem most guilty; second, your explanation wouldn’t change anything. M. Berthier drafted the marriage contract for Mlle. de Marville and the Vicomte Popinot; he’s so frustrated that if he found out I had even said a single word to you, just one word for the last time, he would scold me. Everyone is against you.”
“So it seems indeed, madame,” Pons said, his voice shaking as he lifted his hat respectfully.
“So it really seems so, ma'am,” Pons said, his voice trembling as he respectfully lifted his hat.
Painfully he made his way back to the Rue de Normandie. The old German knew from the heavy weight on his arm that his friend was struggling bravely against failing physical strength. That third encounter was like the verdict of the Lamb at the foot of the throne of God; and the anger of the Angel of the Poor, the symbol of the Peoples, is the last word of Heaven. They reached home without another word.
Painfully, he made his way back to Rue de Normandie. The old German could tell from the heavy weight on his arm that his friend was bravely struggling against his declining strength. That third encounter felt like the judgment of the Lamb at the foot of God's throne; and the anger of the Angel of the Poor, representing the People, is the final word from Heaven. They got home without saying another word.
There are moments in our lives when the sense that our friend is near is all that we can bear. Our wounds smart under the consoling words that only reveal the depths of pain. The old pianist, you see, possessed a genius for friendship, the tact of those who, having suffered much, knew the customs of suffering.
There are moments in our lives when just knowing our friend is nearby is all we can handle. Our wounds throb under the reassuring words that only highlight our pain. The old pianist, you see, had a gift for friendship, the sensitivity of those who, having endured a lot, understood the ways of suffering.
Pons was never to take a walk again. From one illness he fell into another. He was of a sanguine-bilious temperament, the bile passed into his blood, and a violent liver attack was the result. He had never known a day’s illness in his life till a month ago; he had never consulted a doctor; so La Cibot, with almost motherly care and intentions at first of the very best, called in “the doctor of the quarter.”
Pons would never take a walk again. He went from one illness to another. He had a cheerful yet irritable temperament, and the bile got into his blood, leading to a serious liver attack. He had never experienced a day of illness in his life until a month ago; he had never seen a doctor. So, La Cibot, with almost motherly care and the best intentions, called in "the neighborhood doctor."
In every quarter of Paris there is a doctor whose name and address are only known to the working classes, to the little tradespeople and the porters, and in consequence he is called “the doctor of the quarter.” He undertakes confinement cases, he lets blood, he is in the medical profession pretty much what the “general servant” of the advertising column is in the scale of domestic service. He must perforce be kind to the poor, and tolerably expert by reason of much practice, and he is generally popular. Dr. Poulain, called in by Mme. Cibot, gave an inattentive ear to the old musician’s complainings. Pons groaned out that his skin itched; he had scratched himself all night long, till he could scarcely feel. The look of his eyes, with the yellow circles about them, corroborated the symptoms.
In every part of Paris, there’s a doctor whose name and address are only known to the working class, small business owners, and porters, so he’s referred to as “the doctor of the quarter.” He handles childbirth cases, takes blood, and in the medical field, he’s kind of like what the “general servant” is in domestic help ads. He has to be kind to the poor and pretty skilled due to his extensive experience, and he’s usually well-liked. Dr. Poulain, summoned by Mme. Cibot, paid little attention to the old musician’s complaints. Pons groaned that his skin was itching; he had scratched all night long until he could barely feel anything. The look in his eyes, with the yellow circles around them, confirmed the symptoms.
“Had you some violent shock a couple of days ago?” the doctor asked the patient.
“Did you experience a violent shock a couple of days ago?” the doctor asked the patient.
“Yes, alas!”
"Yes, unfortunately!"
“You have the same complaint that this gentleman was threatened with,” said Dr. Poulain, looking at Schmucke as he spoke; “it is an attack of jaundice, but you will soon get over it,” he added, as he wrote a prescription.
“You have the same issue that this gentleman was facing,” Dr. Poulain said, looking at Schmucke as he spoke. “It’s a case of jaundice, but you’ll get over it soon,” he added while writing a prescription.
But in spite of that comfortable phrase, the doctor’s eyes had told another tale as he looked professionally at the patient; and the death-sentence, though hidden under stereotyped compassion, can always be read by those who wish to know the truth. Mme. Cibot gave a spy’s glance at the doctor, and read his thought; his bedside manner did not deceive her; she followed him out of the room.
But despite that reassuring phrase, the doctor's eyes revealed a different story as he looked at the patient with a professional gaze; the death sentence, though masked by typical compassion, could always be recognized by those who wanted to see the truth. Mme. Cibot cast a furtive glance at the doctor and understood his thoughts; his bedside manner didn’t fool her; she followed him out of the room.
“Do you think he will get over it?” asked Mme. Cibot, at the stairhead.
“Do you think he'll get over it?” asked Mme. Cibot, at the top of the stairs.
“My dear Mme. Cibot, your lodger is a dead man; not because of the bile in the system, but because his vitality is low. Still, with great care, your patient may pull through. Somebody ought to take him away for a change—”
“My dear Mme. Cibot, your tenant is a dead man; not due to the bile in his system, but because his vitality is weak. Still, with proper care, your patient might recover. Someone should take him away for a change—”
“How is he to go?” asked Mme. Cibot. “He has nothing to live upon but his salary; his friend has just a little money from some great ladies, very charitable ladies, in return for his services, it seems. They are two children. I have looked after them for nine years.”
“How is he supposed to leave?” asked Mme. Cibot. “He only has his salary to live on; his friend has a bit of money from some wealthy ladies, very charitable ladies, in exchange for his services, it seems. They are just two kids. I’ve taken care of them for nine years.”
“I spend my life watching people die, not of their disease, but of another bad and incurable complaint—the want of money,” said the doctor. “How often it happens that so far from taking a fee, I am obliged to leave a five-franc piece on the mantel-shelf when I go—”
“I spend my life watching people die, not from their illness, but from another terrible and incurable issue—the lack of money,” said the doctor. “It happens so often that instead of taking a fee, I have to leave a five-franc coin on the mantelpiece when I leave—”
“Poor, dear M. Poulain!” cried Mme. Cibot. “Ah, if you hadn’t only the hundred thousand livres a year, what some stingy folks has in the quarter (regular devils from hell they are), you would be like Providence on earth.”
“Poor, dear M. Poulain!” exclaimed Mme. Cibot. “Oh, if you didn’t just have a hundred thousand livres a year, like some stingy people in the neighborhood (they're truly devils from hell), you would be like Providence on earth.”
Dr. Poulain had made the little practice, by which he made a bare subsistence, chiefly by winning the esteem of the porters’ lodges in his district. So he raised his eyes to heaven and thanked Mme. Cibot with a solemn face worthy of Tartuffe.
Dr. Poulain had built his small practice, which barely provided for his living, mainly by earning the respect of the porters' lodges in his area. So he looked up to the heavens and thanked Mme. Cibot with a serious expression fit for Tartuffe.
“Then you think that with careful nursing our dear patient will get better, my dear M. Poulain?”
“Do you really believe that with proper care our dear patient will recover, my dear M. Poulain?”
“Yes, if this shock has not been too much for him.”
“Yes, if this shock hasn't been too much for him.”
“Poor man! who can have vexed him? There isn’t nobody like him on earth except his friend M. Schmucke. I will find out what is the matter, and I will undertake to give them that upset my gentleman a hauling over the coals—”
“Poor guy! Who could have upset him? There’s no one like him in the world except his friend M. Schmucke. I’ll find out what’s going on, and I’ll make sure to give those who bothered my friend a serious talking to—”
“Look here, my dear Mme. Cibot,” said the doctor as they stood in the gateway, “one of the principal symptoms of his complaint is great irritability; and as it is hardly to be supposed that he can afford a nurse, the task of nursing him will fall to you. So—”
“Listen up, my dear Mme. Cibot,” said the doctor as they stood in the gateway, “one of the main signs of his condition is significant irritability; and since it’s unlikely he can pay for a nurse, the responsibility of taking care of him will fall to you. So—”
“Are you talking of Mouchieu Ponsh?” asked the marine store-dealer. He was sitting smoking on the curb-post in the gateway, and now he rose to join in the conversation.
“Are you talking about Mouchieu Ponsh?” asked the marine store-dealer. He was sitting on the curb in the gateway, smoking, and now he got up to join the conversation.
“Yes, Daddy Remonencq.”
“Yes, Dad Remonencq.”
“All right,” said Remonencq, “ash to moneysh, he ish better off than Mouchieu Monishtrol and the big men in the curioshity line. I know enough in the art line to tell you thish—the dear man has treasursh!” he spoke with a broad Auvergne dialect.
“All right,” said Remonencq, “when it comes to money, he’s better off than Mouchieu Monishtrol and the big names in the curiosities business. I know enough about art to tell you this—the dear man has treasures!” He spoke with a strong Auvergne accent.
“Look here, I thought you were laughing at me the other day when my gentlemen were out and I showed you the old rubbish upstairs,” said Mme. Cibot.
“Look, I thought you were making fun of me the other day when my gentlemen were out and I showed you the old junk upstairs,” said Mme. Cibot.
In Paris, where walls have ears, where doors have tongues, and window bars have eyes, there are few things more dangerous than the practice of standing to chat in a gateway. Partings are like postscripts to a letter—indiscreet utterances that do as much mischief to the speaker as to those who overhear them. A single instance will be sufficient as a parallel to an event in this history.
In Paris, where walls listen, doors talk, and window bars watch, there are few things riskier than chatting in a doorway. Goodbyes are like afterthoughts in a letter—careless remarks that cause trouble for both the person speaking and those who hear them. One example will be enough to compare with an event in this story.
In the time of the Empire, when men paid considerable attention to their hair, one of the first coiffeurs of the day came out of a house where he had just been dressing a pretty woman’s head. This artist in question enjoyed the custom of all the lower floor inmates of the house; and among these, there flourished an elderly bachelor guarded by a housekeeper who detested her master’s next-of-kin. The ci-devant young man, falling seriously ill, the most famous of doctors of the day (they were not as yet styled the “princes of science”) had been called in to consult upon his case; and it so chanced that the learned gentlemen were taking leave of one another in the gateway just as the hairdresser came out. They were talking as doctors usually talk among themselves when the farce of a consultation is over. “He is a dead man,” quoth Dr. Haudry.—“He had not a month to live,” added Desplein, “unless a miracle takes place.”—These were the words overheard by the hairdresser.
In the time of the Empire, when men put a lot of effort into their hair, one of the top hairdressers came out of a house where he had just been styling a pretty woman’s hair. This stylist had the loyalty of all the residents on the lower floor of the house; among them was an elderly bachelor, watched over by a housekeeper who loathed her master’s relatives. The former young man fell seriously ill, and the most famous doctors of the time (they hadn’t yet been called the “princes of science”) were brought in to consult on his condition. It just so happened that the learned doctors were saying their goodbyes in the doorway as the hairdresser exited. They were chatting as doctors typically do after a consultation has wrapped up. “He’s a dead man,” said Dr. Haudry. “He has less than a month to live,” added Desplein, “unless a miracle occurs.” These were the words the hairdresser overheard.
Like all hairdressers, he kept up a good understanding with his customers’ servants. Prodigious greed sent the man upstairs again; he mounted to the ci-devant young man’s apartment, and promised the servant-mistress a tolerably handsome commission to persuade her master to sink a large portion of his money in an annuity. The dying bachelor, fifty-six by count of years, and twice as old as his age by reason of amorous campaigns, owned, among other property, a splendid house in the Rue de Richelieu, worth at that time about two hundred and fifty thousand francs. It was this house that the hairdresser coveted; and on agreement to pay an annuity of thirty thousand francs so long as the bachelor lived, it passed into his hands. This happened in 1806. And in this year 1846 the hairdresser is still paying that annuity. He has retired from business, he is seventy years old; the ci-devant young man is in his dotage; and as he has married his Mme. Evrard, he may last for a long while yet. As the hairdresser gave the woman thirty thousand francs, his bit of real estate has cost him, first and last, more than a million, and the house at this day is worth eight or nine hundred thousand francs.
Like all hairdressers, he maintained a good relationship with his customers’ servants. Driven by immense greed, the man went upstairs again; he ascended to the former young man’s apartment and promised the servant-mistress a generous commission to convince her master to invest a significant amount of his money in an annuity. The dying bachelor, who was fifty-six years old and felt twice his age due to his romantic exploits, owned several properties, including a stunning house on Rue de Richelieu, worth around two hundred and fifty thousand francs at that time. This was the house the hairdresser desired; and with an agreement to pay an annuity of thirty thousand francs for the bachelor’s lifetime, it came into his possession. This occurred in 1806. Now, in the year 1846, the hairdresser is still paying that annuity. He has retired, is seventy years old; the former young man is now senile; and since he has married Mme. Evrard, he might live for quite some time. By giving the woman thirty thousand francs, the hairdresser's little piece of real estate has ultimately cost him over a million, and today the house is worth eight or nine hundred thousand francs.
Like the hairdresser, Remonencq the Auvergnat had overheard Brunner’s parting remark in the gateway on the day of Cecile’s first interview with that phoenix of eligible men. Remonencq at once longed to gain a sight of Pons’ museum; and as he lived on good terms with his neighbors the Cibots, it was not very long before the opportunity came one day when the friends were out. The sight of such treasures dazzled him; he saw a “good haul,” in dealers’ phrase, which being interpreted means a chance to steal a fortune. He had been meditating this for five or six days.
Like the hairdresser, Remonencq the Auvergnat had overheard Brunner’s parting comment at the entrance on the day of Cecile’s first meeting with that ideal bachelor. Remonencq immediately wanted to see Pons’ collection, and since he got along well with his neighbors, the Cibots, it didn’t take long for the chance to arise one day when the friends were out. The sight of such treasures amazed him; he saw a “great find,” in dealer lingo, which means a chance to steal a fortune. He had been thinking about this for five or six days.
“I am sho far from joking,” he said, in reply to Mme. Cibot’s remark, “that we will talk the thing over; and if the good shentleman will take an annuity, of fifty thousand francsh, I will shtand a hamper of wine, if—”
“I am so far from joking,” he said in response to Mme. Cibot’s comment, “that we will discuss this; and if the good gentleman will accept an annuity of fifty thousand francs, I will provide a hamper of wine, if—”
“Fifty thousand francs!” interrupted the doctor; “what are you thinking about? Why, if the good man is so well off as that, with me in attendance, and Mme. Cibot to nurse him, he may get better—for liver complaint is a disease that attacks strong constitutions.”
“Fifty thousand francs!” the doctor interrupted; “what are you talking about? If the man is doing that well, with me looking after him and Mme. Cibot nursing him, he might actually recover—because liver disease affects strong people.”
“Fifty, did I shay? Why, a shentleman here, on your very doorshtep, offered him sheven hundred thoushand francsh, shimply for the pictursh, fouchtra!”
“Fifty, did I say? Well, a gentleman right here, on your doorstep, offered him seven hundred thousand francs, just for the pictures, fouchtra!”
While Remonencq made this announcement, Mme. Cibot was looking at Dr. Poulain. There was a strange expression in her eyes; the devil might have kindled that sinister glitter in their tawny depths.
While Remonencq made this announcement, Mme. Cibot was staring at Dr. Poulain. There was an odd look in her eyes; it was as if the devil had sparked that eerie glimmer in their brown depths.
“Oh, come! we must not pay any attention to such idle tales,” said the doctor, well pleased, however, to find that his patient could afford to pay for his visits.
“Oh, come on! We shouldn’t pay any attention to such pointless stories,” said the doctor, happy to see that his patient could afford to pay for his visits.
“If my dear Mme. Cibot, here, would let me come and bring an ekshpert (shinsh the shentleman upshtairs ish in bed), I will shertainly find the money in a couple of hoursh, even if sheven hundred thousand francsh ish in queshtion—”
“If my dear Mme. Cibot, right here, would let me come in and bring an expert (since the gentleman upstairs is in bed), I will definitely find the money in a couple of hours, even if seven hundred thousand francs is at stake—”
“All right, my friend,” said the doctor. “Now, Mme. Cibot, be careful never to contradict the invalid. You must be prepared to be very patient with him, for he will find everything irritating and wearisome, even your services; nothing will please him; you must expect grumbling—”
“Alright, my friend,” the doctor said. “Now, Mrs. Cibot, make sure you never contradict the patient. You need to be ready to be very patient with him, because he will find everything annoying and exhausting, even your help; nothing will satisfy him; you should expect complaints—”
“He will be uncommonly hard to please,” said La Cibot.
“He will be unusually hard to please,” said La Cibot.
“Look here, mind what I tell you,” the doctor said in a tone of authority, “M. Pons’ life is in the hands of those that nurse him; I shall come perhaps twice a day. I shall take him first on my round.”
“Listen up, pay attention to what I’m saying,” the doctor said with an authoritative tone, “M. Pons' life depends on the nurses caring for him; I’ll probably come by twice a day. He’ll be the first one I check on during my rounds.”
The doctor’s profound indifference to the fate of a poor patient had suddenly given place to a most tender solicitude when he saw that the speculator was serious, and that there was a possible fortune in question.
The doctor’s deep indifference to the fate of a poor patient suddenly shifted to genuine concern when he realized that the investor was serious and that a potential fortune was at stake.
“He will be nursed like a king,” said Madame Cibot, forcing up enthusiasm. She waited till the doctor turned the corner into the Rue Charlot; then she fell to talking again with the dealer in old iron. Remonencq had finished smoking his pipe, and stood in the doorway of his shop, leaning against the frame; he had purposely taken this position; he meant the portress to come to him.
“He’ll be taken care of like royalty,” said Madame Cibot, trying to sound enthusiastic. She waited until the doctor turned the corner onto Rue Charlot; then she started chatting again with the scrap dealer. Remonencq had finished smoking his pipe and stood in the doorway of his shop, leaning against the frame; he had intentionally taken this position; he wanted the caretaker to come to him.
The shop had once been a cafe. Nothing had been changed there since the Auvergnat discovered it and took over the lease; you could still read “Cafe de Normandie” on the strip left above the windows in all modern shops. Remonencq had found somebody, probably a housepainter’s apprentice, who did the work for nothing, to paint another inscription in the remaining space below—“REMONENCQ,” it ran, “DEALER IN MARINE STORES, FURNITURE BOUGHT”—painted in small black letters. All the mirrors, tables, seats, shelves, and fittings of the Cafe de Normandie had been sold, as might have been expected, before Remonencq took possession of the shop as it stood, paying a yearly rent of six hundred francs for the place, with a back shop, a kitchen, and a single room above, where the head-waiter used to sleep, for the house belonging to the Cafe de Normandie was let separately. Of the former splendor of the cafe, nothing now remained save the plain light green paper on the walls, and the strong iron bolts and bars of the shop-front.
The shop had once been a café. Nothing had changed since the Auvergnat found it and took over the lease; you could still see “Café de Normandie” on the strip above the windows that is now common in modern shops. Remonencq had found someone, probably a housepainter’s apprentice, who did the job for free, to paint another sign in the remaining space below—“REMONENCQ,” it read, “DEALER IN MARINE STORES, FURNITURE BOUGHT”—painted in small black letters. All the mirrors, tables, chairs, shelves, and fixtures from the Café de Normandie had been sold, as expected, before Remonencq took over the shop as it was, paying an annual rent of six hundred francs for the place, which included a back room, a kitchen, and a single room above where the head waiter used to sleep, as the building that housed the Café de Normandie was rented separately. Of the former splendor of the café, nothing remained except the plain light green wallpaper on the walls and the strong iron bolts and bars on the shop front.
When Remonencq came hither in 1831, after the Revolution of July, he began by displaying a selection of broken doorbells, cracked plates, old iron, and the obsolete scales and weights abolished by a Government which alone fails to carry out its own regulations, for pence and half pence of the time of Louis XVI. are still in circulation. After a time this Auvergnat, a match for five ordinary Auvergnats, bought up old saucepans and kettles, old picture-frames, old copper, and chipped china. Gradually, as the shop was emptied and filled, the quality of the stock-in-trade improved, like Nicolet’s farces. Remonencq persisted in an unfailing and prodigiously profitable martingale, a “system” which any philosophical idler may study as he watches the increasing value of the stock kept by this intelligent class of trader. Picture-frames and copper succeed to tin-ware, argand lamps, and damaged crockery; china marks the next transition; and after no long tarriance in the “omnium gatherum” stage, the shop becomes a museum. Some day or other the dusty windows are cleaned, the interior is restored, the Auvergnat relinquishes velveteen and jackets for a great-coat, and there he sits like a dragon guarding his treasure, surrounded by masterpieces! He is a cunning connoisseur by this time; he has increased his capital tenfold; he is not to be cheated; he knows the tricks of the trade. The monster among his treasures looks like some old hag among a score of young girls that she offers to the public. Beauty and miracles of art are alike indifferent to him; subtle and dense as he is, he has a keen eye to profits, he talks roughly to those who know less than he does; he has learned to act a part, he pretends to love his pictures, or again he lets you know the price he himself gave for the things, he offers to let you see the memoranda of the sale. He is a Proteus; in one hour he can be Jocrisse, Janot, Queue-rouge, Mondor, Hapagon, or Nicodeme.
When Remonencq arrived here in 1831, after the July Revolution, he began by showing off a selection of broken doorbells, cracked plates, old iron, and the outdated scales and weights that a Government, which fails to enforce its own rules, has abolished, while pennies and half-pennies from the time of Louis XVI are still in circulation. Over time, this Auvergnat, worth five regular Auvergnats, started buying up old saucepans and kettles, old picture frames, old copper, and chipped china. Gradually, as the shop was emptied and restocked, the quality of the inventory improved, much like Nicolet’s comedies. Remonencq stuck to an infallible and incredibly profitable strategy, a “system” that any curious observer can study as they watch the rising value of the stock in this savvy type of business. Picture frames and copper replaced tinware, Argand lamps, and damaged crockery; china marked the next phase; and after a brief period in the “odds and ends” stage, the shop transformed into a museum. Eventually, the dusty windows are cleaned, the interior is restored, the Auvergnat trades in his velveteen and jackets for a greatcoat, and there he sits like a dragon guarding his treasure, surrounded by masterpieces! By this time, he’s a shrewd expert; he has multiplied his capital tenfold; he can’t be deceived; he knows all the tricks of the trade. The standout among his treasures looks like an old hag among a group of young girls that she showcases to the public. He’s indifferent to beauty and miracles of art; despite his complexity, he has a sharp eye for profits, talks roughly to those less knowledgeable than he is; he has learned to play a role, pretends to love his paintings, and often reveals the price he paid for the items, offering to show you the sale records. He’s a shapeshifter; in one hour, he can be Jocrisse, Janot, Queue-rouge, Mondor, Hapagon, or Nicodeme.
The third year found armor, and old pictures, and some tolerably fine clocks in Remonencq’s shop. He sent for his sister, and La Remonencq came on foot all the way from Auvergne to take charge of the shop while her brother was away. A big and very ugly woman, dressed like a Japanese idol, a half-idiotic creature with a vague, staring gaze she would not bate a centime of the prices fixed by her brother. In the intervals of business she did the work of the house, and solved the apparently insoluble problem—how to live on “the mists of the Seine.” The Remonencqs’ diet consisted of bread and herrings, with the outside leaves of lettuce or vegetable refuse selected from the heaps deposited in the kennel before the doors of eating-houses. The two between them did not spend more than fivepence a day on food (bread included), and La Remonencq earned the money by sewing or spinning.
The third year brought armor, old photos, and some pretty nice clocks to Remonencq’s shop. He called for his sister, and La Remonencq walked all the way from Auvergne to manage the shop while her brother was gone. She was a large and very unattractive woman, dressed like a Japanese idol, a somewhat dull person with a vague, vacant stare who wouldn’t budge an inch on the prices set by her brother. During the slow times, she handled household chores and tackled the seemingly impossible challenge of surviving on “the mists of the Seine.” The Remonencqs’ diet consisted of bread and herring, along with the outer leaves of lettuce or vegetable scraps picked from the piles left outside restaurants. Together, they didn’t spend more than fivepence a day on food (including bread), and La Remonencq made the money by sewing or spinning.
Remonencq came to Paris in the first instance to work as an errand-boy. Between the years 1825 and 1831 he ran errands for dealers in curiosities in the Boulevard Beaumarchais or coppersmiths in the Rue de Lappe. It is the usual start in life in his line of business. Jews, Normans, Auvergnats, and Savoyards, those four different races of men all have the same instincts, and make their fortunes in the same way; they spend nothing, make small profits, and let them accumulate at compound interest. Such is their trading charter, and that charter is no delusion.
Remonencq came to Paris initially to work as a messenger. Between 1825 and 1831, he ran errands for dealers in curiosities on the Boulevard Beaumarchais and for coppersmiths on the Rue de Lappe. This is the typical way to start out in his line of work. Jews, Normans, Auvergnats, and Savoyards—all four different groups—share the same instincts and build their fortunes in the same way: they spend little, make small profits, and let those profits grow through compound interest. This is their business strategy, and it’s definitely not a fantasy.
Remonencq at this moment had made it up with his old master Monistrol; he did business with wholesale dealers, he was a chineur (the technical word), plying his trade in the banlieue, which, as everybody knows, extends for some forty leagues round Paris.
Remonencq had just reconciled with his former boss Monistrol; he was working with wholesale buyers and was a chineur (that's the technical term), doing his business in the banlieue, which, as everyone knows, spans about forty leagues around Paris.
After fourteen years of business, he had sixty thousand francs in hand and a well-stocked shop. He lived in the Rue de Normandie because the rent was low, but casual customers were scarce, most of his goods were sold to other dealers, and he was content with moderate gains. All his business transactions were carried on in the Auvergue dialect or charabia, as people call it.
After fourteen years in business, he had sixty thousand francs saved up and a well-stocked shop. He lived on Rue de Normandie because the rent was cheap, but walk-in customers were rare; most of his merchandise was sold to other dealers, and he was satisfied with modest profits. All his business dealings were conducted in the Auvergue dialect or charabia, as people referred to it.
Remonencq cherished a dream! He wished to establish himself on a boulevard, to be a rich dealer in curiosities, and do a direct trade with amateurs some day. And, indeed, within him there was a formidable man of business. His countenance was the more inscrutable because it was glazed over by a deposit of dust and particles of metal glued together by the sweat of his brow; for he did everything himself, and the use and wont of bodily labor had given him something of the stoical impassibility of the old soldiers of 1799.
Remonencq had a dream! He wanted to set up shop on a boulevard, become a wealthy dealer in curiosities, and eventually trade directly with collectors. Deep down, he was a savvy businessman. His expression was hard to read, partly because it was coated in dust and metal particles stuck on by his sweat; he did everything by himself, and the routine of physical work had given him a bit of the stoic calm of the old soldiers from 1799.
In personal appearance Remonencq was short and thin; his little eyes were set in his head in porcine fashion; a Jew’s slyness and concentrated greed looked out of those dull blue circles, though in his case the false humility that masks the Hebrew’s unfathomed contempt for the Gentile was lacking.
In terms of looks, Remonencq was short and skinny; his small eyes were set in his head in a pig-like way; a Jew's cunning and intense greed showed in those dull blue circles, but in his case, the fake humility that usually hides a Hebrew's deep disdain for non-Jews was absent.
The relations between the Cibots and the Remonencqs were those of benefactors and recipients. Mme. Cibot, convinced that the Auvergnats were wretchedly poor, used to let them have the remainder of “her gentlemen’s” dinners at ridiculous prices. The Remonencqs would buy a pound of broken bread, crusts and crumbs, for a farthing, a porringer-full of cold potatoes for something less, and other scraps in proportion. Remonencq shrewdly allowed them to believe that he was not in business on his own account, he worked for Monistrol, the rich shopkeepers preyed upon him, he said, and the Cibots felt sincerely sorry for Remonencq. The velveteen jacket, waistcoat, and trousers, particularly affected by Auvergnats, were covered with patches of Cibot’s making, and not a penny had the little tailor charged for repairs which kept the three garments together after eleven years of wear.
The relationship between the Cibots and the Remonencqs was one of benefactors and recipients. Mme. Cibot, convinced that the Auvergnats were desperately poor, used to sell them the leftovers from “her gentlemen’s” dinners at absurdly low prices. The Remonencqs would buy a pound of broken bread, crusts, and crumbs for a penny, a bowl of cold potatoes for even less, and other scraps accordingly. Remonencq cleverly made them think that he wasn’t running his own business; he claimed he worked for Monistrol, explaining that the rich shopkeepers were taking advantage of him, which made the Cibots genuinely feel sorry for him. The velveteen jacket, waistcoat, and trousers, which were especially favored by the Auvergnats, were covered in patches made by Cibot, and the little tailor didn’t charge a single penny for the repairs that kept the three garments intact after eleven years of wear.
Thus we see that all Jews are not in Israel.
Thus we see that not all Jews are in Israel.
“You are not laughing at me, Remonencq, are you?” asked the portress. “Is it possible that M. Pons has such a fortune, living as he does? There is not a hundred francs in the place—”
“You're not laughing at me, are you, Remonencq?” asked the portress. “Is it really possible that M. Pons has that much money, considering how he lives? There isn't even a hundred francs in the whole place—”
“Amateursh are all like that,” Remonencq remarked sententiously.
“Amateurs are all like that,” Remonencq said in a serious tone.
“Then do you think that my gentleman has worth of seven hundred thousand francs, eh?—”
“Then do you think my guy is worth seven hundred thousand francs, huh?”
“In pictures alone,” continued Remonencq (it is needless, for the sake of clearness in the story, to give any further specimens of his frightful dialect). “If he would take fifty thousand francs for one up there that I know of, I would find the money if I had to hang myself. Do you remember those little frames full of enameled copper on crimson velvet, hanging among the portraits?... Well, those are Petitot’s enamels; and there is a cabinet minister as used to be a druggist that will give three thousand francs apiece for them.”
“In pictures alone,” Remonencq continued (there's no need to provide more examples of his terrible way of speaking for clarity's sake). “If he’d sell one up there that I know about for fifty thousand francs, I’d find the money, even if it meant I had to hang myself. Do you remember those small frames filled with enameled copper against crimson velvet, hanging among the portraits?... Well, those are Petitot’s enamels; and there’s a cabinet minister who used to be a druggist that will pay three thousand francs each for them.”
La Cibot’s eyes opened wide. “There are thirty of them in the pair of frames!” she said.
La Cibot’s eyes widened. “There are thirty of them in the pair of frames!” she exclaimed.
“Very well, you can judge for yourself how much he is worth.”
“Alright, you can decide for yourself how much he is worth.”
Mme. Cibot’s head was swimming; she wheeled round. In a moment came the thought that she would have a legacy, she would sleep sound on old Pons’ will, like the other servant-mistresses whose annuities had aroused such envy in the Marais. Her thoughts flew to some commune in the neighborhood of Paris; she saw herself strutting proudly about her house in the country, looking after her garden and poultry yard, ending her days, served like a queen, along with her poor dear Cibot, who deserved such good fortune, like all angelic creatures whom nobody knows nor appreciates.
Mme. Cibot’s head was spinning; she turned around. In a moment, the thought hit her that she would inherit a fortune, she would rest easy on old Pons’ will, just like the other servant-mistresses whose annuities had sparked such envy in the Marais. Her mind raced to some town near Paris; she pictured herself walking proudly around her country house, tending to her garden and chicken coop, enjoying her later years, served like a queen, along with her dear Cibot, who deserved such good luck, like all the unsung heroes that nobody recognizes or appreciates.
Her abrupt, unthinking movement told Remonencq that success was sure. In the chineur’s way of business—the chineur, be it explained, goes about the country picking up bargains at the expense of the ignorant—in the chineur’s way of business, the one real difficulty is the problem of gaining an entrance to a house. No one can imagine the Scapin’s roguery, the tricks of a Sganarelle, the wiles of a Dorine by which the chineur contrives to make a footing for himself. These comedies are as good as a play, and founded indeed on the old stock theme of the dishonesty of servants. For thirty francs in money or goods, servants, and especially country servants, will sometimes conclude a bargain on which the chineur makes a profit of a thousand or two thousand francs. If we could but know the history of such and such a service of Sevres porcelain, pate tendre, we should find that all the intellect, all the diplomatic subtlety displayed at Munster, Nimeguen, Utrecht, Ryswick, and Vienna was surpassed by the chineur. His is the more frank comedy; his methods of action fathom depths of personal interest quite as profound as any that plenipotentiaries can explore in their difficult search for any means of breaking up the best cemented alliances.
Her sudden, thoughtless move made Remonencq confident that success was guaranteed. In the way of the **chineur**—it should be noted that the **chineur** travels around the country snapping up good deals from the unsuspecting—this approach has one major challenge: getting into a house. No one could possibly fathom the cunning of Scapin, the tricks of Sganarelle, or the schemes of Dorine that the **chineur** uses to secure his position. These antics are as entertaining as a play, based on the timeless theme of servant dishonesty. For thirty francs in cash or goods, servants—especially those from the countryside—can sometimes strike a deal that allows the **chineur** to profit by a thousand or even two thousand francs. If only we knew the story behind a certain set of Sevres porcelain, **pate tendre**, we would see that all the intellect and diplomatic finesse displayed at Munster, Nimeguen, Utrecht, Ryswick, and Vienna pales in comparison to that of the **chineur**. His is a more straightforward comedy; his actions dive into personal interests just as deeply as any plenipotentiaries can venture in their challenging quest to find ways to dismantle even the strongest alliances.
“I have set La Cibot nicely on fire,” Remonencq told his sister, when she came to take up her position again on the ramshackle chair. “And now,” he continued, “I shall go to consult the only man that knows, our Jew, a good sort of Jew that did not ask more than fifteen per cent of us for his money.”
“I’ve set La Cibot on fire,” Remonencq told his sister as she settled back into her rickety chair. “And now,” he went on, “I’m going to consult the only guy who knows, our Jewish friend, a decent guy who didn’t ask for more than fifteen percent from us for his money.”
Remonencq had read La Cibot’s heart. To will is to act with women of her stamp. Let them see the end in view; they will stick at nothing to gain it, and pass from scrupulous honesty to the last degree of scoundrelism in the twinkling of an eye. Honesty, like most dispositions of mind, is divided into two classes—negative and positive. La Cibot’s honesty was of the negative order; she and her like are honest until they see their way clear to gain money belonging to somebody else. Positive honesty, the honesty of the bank collector, can wade knee-deep through temptations.
Remonencq had figured out La Cibot's heart. To have will is to act with women like her. Once they see the goal in sight, they'll do whatever it takes to achieve it, flipping from being scrupulously honest to the lowest level of deceit in the blink of an eye. Honesty, like most attitudes, comes in two types—negative and positive. La Cibot's honesty was of the negative kind; she and women like her are honest until they see a clear opportunity to take someone else's money. Positive honesty, the kind that a bank collector possesses, can wade knee-deep through temptations.
A torrent of evil thoughts invaded La Cibot’s heart and brain so soon as Remonencq’s diabolical suggestion opened the flood-gates of self-interest. La Cibot climbed, or, to be more accurate, fled up the stairs, opened the door on the landing, and showed a face disguised in false solicitude in the doorway of the room where Pons and Schmucke were bemoaning themselves. As soon as she came in, Schmucke made her a warning sign; for, true friend and sublime German that he was, he too had read the doctor’s eyes, and he was afraid that Mme. Cibot might repeat the verdict. Mme. Cibot answered by a shake of the head indicative of deep woe.
A flood of malicious thoughts rushed into La Cibot's heart and mind as soon as Remonencq’s wicked suggestion unleashed her selfishness. La Cibot hurried up the stairs, or, to be more precise, escaped up the stairs, opened the door on the landing, and presented a face masked in fake concern at the entrance of the room where Pons and Schmucke were lamenting their misfortunes. As soon as she entered, Schmucke gave her a warning gesture; because, being a true friend and a thoughtful German, he too had read the doctor’s expression, and he worried that Mme. Cibot might repeat the diagnosis. Mme. Cibot responded with a shake of her head, indicating deep sorrow.
“Well, my dear monsieur,” asked she, “how are you feeling?” She sat down on the foot of the bed, hands on hips, and fixed her eyes lovingly upon the patient; but what a glitter of metal there was in them, a terrible, tiger-like gleam if any one had watched her.
“Well, my dear sir,” she asked, “how are you feeling?” She sat down on the edge of the bed, hands on her hips, and looked at the patient with affection; but there was a shiny glint in her eyes, a frightening, tiger-like sparkle if anyone had been watching her.
“I feel very ill,” answered poor Pons. “I have not the slightest appetite left.—Oh! the world, the world!” he groaned, squeezing Schmucke’s hand. Schmucke was sitting by his bedside, and doubtless the sick man was talking of the causes of his illness.—“I should have done far better to follow your advice, my good Schmucke, and dined here every day, and given up going into this society, that has fallen on me with all its weight, like a tumbril cart crushing an egg! And why?”
“I feel really sick,” replied poor Pons. “I don’t have any appetite left.—Oh! the world, the world!” he moaned, squeezing Schmucke’s hand. Schmucke was sitting by his bedside, and surely the sick man was talking about what caused his illness.—“I should have listened to your advice, my good Schmucke, and dined here every day, and avoided this society that has come down on me like a cart crushing an egg! And why?”
“Come, come, don’t complain, M. Pons,” said La Cibot; “the doctor told me just how it is—”
“Come on, don’t complain, M. Pons,” said La Cibot; “the doctor explained everything to me—”
Schmucke tugged at her gown.—“And you will pull through,” she continued, “only we must take great care of you. Be easy, you have a good friend beside you, and without boasting, a woman as will nurse you like a mother nurses her first child. I nursed Cibot round once when Dr. Poulain had given him over; he had the shroud up to his eyes, as the saying is, and they gave him up for dead. Well, well, you have not come to that yet, God be thanked, ill though you may be. Count on me; I would pull you through all by myself, I would! Keep still, don’t you fidget like that.”
Schmucke tugged at her gown. “And you’ll be alright,” she continued, “but we have to take good care of you. Relax, you have a good friend by your side, and without bragging, a woman who will take care of you like a mother cares for her first child. I nursed Cibot once when Dr. Poulain had given up on him; he was basically in his deathbed, as they say, and they thought he was done for. Well, well, you’re not at that point yet, thank God, even though you’re not well. Rely on me; I’d get you through this all by myself, I really would! Just stay still, don’t fidget like that.”
She pulled the coverlet over the patient’s hands as she spoke.
She pulled the blanket over the patient’s hands as she spoke.
“There, sonny! M. Schmucke and I will sit up with you of nights. A prince won’t be no better nursed... and besides, you needn’t refuse yourself nothing that’s necessary, you can afford it.—I have just been talking things over with Cibot, for what would he do without me, poor dear?—Well, and I talked him round; we are both so fond of you, that he will let me stop up with you of a night. And that is a good deal to ask of a man like him, for he is as fond of me as ever he was the day we were married. I don’t know how it is. It is the lodge, you see; we are always there together! Don’t you throw off the things like that!” she cried, making a dash for the bedhead to draw the coverlet over Pons’ chest. “If you are not good, and don’t do just as Dr. Poulain says—and Dr. Poulain is the image of Providence on earth—I will have no more to do with you. You must do as I tell you—”
“There you go, son! M. Schmucke and I will keep you company at night. A prince couldn’t be cared for any better... and besides, you shouldn’t hold back on anything you need, you can afford it. I just had a chat with Cibot; what would he do without me, poor guy? Well, I convinced him; we both care about you so much that he’ll let me stay with you at night. That’s quite a favor to ask of someone like him since he’s as fond of me as he was on the day we got married. I don’t know how that works. It's the lodge, you see; we’re always there together! Don’t push those things away like that!” she exclaimed, rushing to the head of the bed to pull the cover over Pons’ chest. “If you don’t behave and don’t follow Dr. Poulain’s instructions—and Dr. Poulain is like a godsend on earth—I won’t have anything more to do with you. You have to do what I say—”
“Yes, Montame Zipod, he vill do vat you dell him,” put in Schmucke; “he vants to lif for his boor friend Schmucke’s sake, I’ll pe pound.”
“Yes, Montame Zipod, he will do what you tell him,” added Schmucke; “he wants to live for his poor friend Schmucke’s sake, I’ll bet.”
“And of all things, don’t fidget yourself,” continued La Cibot, “for your illness makes you quite bad enough without your making it worse for want of patience. God sends us our troubles, my dear good gentlemen; He punishes us for our sins. Haven’t you nothing to reproach yourself with? some poor little bit of a fault or other?”
“And above all, don’t fidget,” La Cibot continued, “because your illness is already pretty bad without you making it worse by lacking patience. God gives us our troubles, my dear gentlemen; He punishes us for our sins. Don’t you have anything to feel guilty about? Just a tiny little fault or something?”
The invalid shook his head.
The disabled person shook his head.
“Oh! go on! You were young once, you had your fling, there is some love-child of yours somewhere—cold, and starving, and homeless.... What monsters men are! Their love doesn’t last only for a day, and then in a jiffy they forget, they don’t so much as think of the child at the breast for months.... Poor women!”
“Oh! Come on! You were young once, you had your fun, there’s a love child of yours somewhere—cold, starving, and homeless.... What monsters men are! Their love doesn’t last even a day, and then in no time they forget, they don’t even think of the child at the breast for months.... Poor women!”
“But no one has ever loved me except Schmucke and my mother,” poor Pons broke in sadly.
“But no one has ever loved me except Schmucke and my mom,” poor Pons said sadly.
“Oh! come, you aren’t no saint! You were young in your time, and a fine-looking young fellow you must have been at twenty. I should have fallen in love with you myself, so nice as you are—”
“Oh! come on, you’re not a saint! You were young once, and you must have been a good-looking guy at twenty. I probably would have fallen in love with you myself, since you’re so nice—”
“I always was as ugly as a toad,” Pons put in desperately.
“I’ve always been as ugly as a toad,” Pons added desperately.
“You say that because you are modest; nobody can’t say that you aren’t modest.”
“You say that because you’re being humble; no one can say you aren’t humble.”
“My dear Mme. Cibot, no, I tell you. I always was ugly, and I never was loved in my life.”
“My dear Mme. Cibot, no, I’m telling you. I’ve always been unattractive, and I’ve never been loved in my life.”
“You, indeed!” cried the portress. “You want to make me believe at this time of day that you are as innocent as a young maid at your time of life. Tell that to your granny! A musician at a theatre too! Why, if a woman told me that, I wouldn’t believe her.”
“You, really!” exclaimed the doorkeeper. “You want me to believe that at your age, you're as innocent as a young girl? Tell that to someone who cares! A musician at a theater, too! If a woman said that to me, I wouldn’t buy it.”
“Montame Zipod, you irritate him!” cried Schmucke, seeing that Pons was writhing under the bedclothes.
“Montame Zipod, you’re getting on his nerves!” cried Schmucke, seeing that Pons was twisting under the bedcovers.
“You hold your tongue too! You are a pair of old libertines. If you were ugly, it don’t make no difference; there was never so ugly a saucepan-lid but it found a pot to match, as the saying is. There is Cibot, he got one of the handsomest oyster-women in Paris to fall in love with him, and you are infinitely better looking than him! You are a nice pair, you are! Come, now, you have sown your wild oats, and God will punish you for deserting your children, like Abraham—”
“You better shut up too! You two are just a couple of old libertines. If you were ugly, it wouldn’t matter; there’s always an ugly pot lid that finds a pot to fit, as the saying goes. Look at Cibot, he got one of the prettiest oyster-women in Paris to fall for him, and you’re way better looking than he is! You two are a great pair, you are! Come on, you’ve sown your wild oats, and God is going to punish you for abandoning your kids, just like Abraham—”
Exhausted though he was, the invalid gathered up all his strength to make a vehement gesture of denial.
Exhausted as he was, the invalid summoned all his strength to make a strong gesture of refusal.
“Do lie quiet; if you have, it won’t prevent you from living as long as Methuselah.”
“Just stay still; if you do, it won’t stop you from living as long as Methuselah.”
“Then, pray let me be quiet!” groaned Pons. “I have never known what it is to be loved. I have had no child; I am alone in the world.”
“Then, please let me be quiet!” groaned Pons. “I have never experienced what it’s like to be loved. I haven’t had any children; I’m all alone in the world.”
“Really, eh?” returned the portress. “You are so kind, and that is what women like, you see—it draws them—and it looked to me impossible that when you were in your prime—”
“Really, huh?” replied the doorkeeper. “You’re so nice, and that’s what women like, you know—it attracts them—and it seemed impossible to me that when you were at your best—”
“Take her away,” Pons whispered to Schmucke; “she sets my nerves on edge.”
“Get her out of here,” Pons whispered to Schmucke; “she’s getting on my nerves.”
“Then there’s M. Schmucke, he has children. You old bachelors are not all like that—”
“Then there’s M. Schmucke; he has kids. Not all you old bachelors are like that—”
“I!” cried Schmucke, springing to his feet, “vy!—”
“I!” cried Schmucke, jumping to his feet, “why!—”
“Come, then, you have none to come after you either, eh? You both sprung up out of the earth like mushrooms—”
“Come on, then, you have no one coming after you either, right? You both popped up out of the ground like mushrooms—”
“Look here, komm mit me,” said Schmucke. The good German manfully took Mme. Cibot by the waist and carried her off into the next room, in spite of her exclamations.
“Look here, come with me,” said Schmucke. The good German firmly took Mme. Cibot by the waist and carried her off into the next room, despite her protests.
“At your age, you would not take advantage of a defenceless woman!” cried La Cibot, struggling in his arms.
“At your age, you wouldn’t take advantage of a defenseless woman!” yelled La Cibot, fighting against his grip.
“Don’t make a noise!”
“Quiet down!”
“You too, the better one of the two!” returned La Cibot. “Ah! it is my fault for talking about love to two old men who have never had nothing to do with women. I have roused your passions,” cried she, as Schmucke’s eyes glittered with wrath. “Help! help! police!”
“You too, the better one of the two!” La Cibot shot back. “Ah! it’s my fault for talking about love to two old men who have never had anything to do with women. I’ve stirred up your passions,” she yelled as Schmucke’s eyes sparkled with anger. “Help! Help! Police!”
“You are a stoopid!” said the German. “Look here, vat tid de toctor say?”
“You're stupid!” said the German. “Look here, what did the doctor say?”
“You are a ruffian to treat me so,” wept La Cibot, now released,—“me that would go through fire and water for you both! Ah! well, well, they say that that is the way with men—and true it is! There is my poor Cibot, he would not be rough with me like this.... And I treated you like my children, for I have none of my own; and yesterday, yes, only yesterday I said to Cibot, ‘God knew well what He was doing, dear,’ I said, ‘when He refused us children, for I have two children there upstairs.’ By the holy crucifix and the soul of my mother, that was what I said to him—”
“You're a jerk to treat me this way,” La Cibot sobbed, now free, “me who would go through fire and water for both of you! Ah! well, they say that’s how men are—and it's true! There’s my poor Cibot, he wouldn’t be rough with me like this.... And I treated you like my own kids, since I don’t have any; and yesterday, yes, just yesterday I told Cibot, ‘God knew what He was doing, dear,’ I said, ‘when He didn’t give us kids, because I have two kids up there.’ By the holy crucifix and my mother's soul, that’s what I told him—”
“Eh! but vat did der doctor say?” Schmucke demanded furiously, stamping on the floor for the first time in his life.
“Hey! But what did the doctor say?” Schmucke demanded angrily, stomping on the floor for the first time in his life.
“Well,” said Mme. Cibot, drawing Schmucke into the dining-room, “he just said this—that our dear, darling love lying ill there would die if he wasn’t carefully nursed; but I am here, in spite of all your brutality, for brutal you were, you that I thought so gentle. And you are one of that sort! Ah! now, you would not abuse a woman at your age, great blackguard—”
“Well,” said Mme. Cibot, pulling Schmucke into the dining room, “he just said that our dear, darling love lying sick there would die if he wasn’t taken care of properly; but I'm here, despite all your harshness, because you were brutal, you whom I thought was so kind. And you are just like that! Ah! Now, you wouldn’t mistreat a woman at your age, you big jerk—”
“Placard? I? Vill you not oonderstand that I lof nopody but Bons?”
“Placard? Me? Will you not understand that I love nobody but Bons?”
“Well and good, you will let me alone, won’t you?” said she, smiling at Schmucke. “You had better; for if Cibot knew that anybody had attempted his honor, he would break every bone in his skin.”
“Well, you’ll leave me alone, right?” she said, smiling at Schmucke. “You’d better; because if Cibot found out someone tried to mess with his honor, he would break every bone in your body.”
“Take crate care of him, dear Montame Zipod,” answered Schmucke, and he tried to take the portress’ hand.
“Take great care of him, dear Montame Zipod,” answered Schmucke, and he tried to take the portress’s hand.
“Oh! look here now, again.”
“Oh! Look here now, again.”
“Chust listen to me. You shall haf all dot I haf, gif ve safe him.”
“Just listen to me. You will have everything I have, if we save him.”
“Very well; I will go round to the chemist’s to get the things that are wanted; this illness is going to cost a lot, you see, sir, and what will you do?”
“Alright; I’ll swing by the pharmacy to pick up what’s needed; this illness is going to be expensive, you know, sir, so what will you do?”
“I shall vork; Bons shall be nursed like ein brince.”
“I will work; Bons will be cared for like a prince.”
“So he shall, M. Schmucke; and look here, don’t you trouble about nothing. Cibot and I, between us, have saved a couple of thousand francs; they are yours; I have been spending money on you this long time, I have.”
“So he will, M. Schmucke; and listen, don’t worry about anything. Cibot and I have saved up a couple of thousand francs together; they’re yours. I’ve been spending money on you for a while now.”
“Goot voman!” cried Schmucke, brushing the tears from his eyes. “Vat ein heart!”
“Good woman!” cried Schmucke, wiping away his tears. “What a heart!”
“Wipe your tears; they do me honor; this is my reward,” said La Cibot, melodramatically. “There isn’t no more disinterested creature on earth than me; but don’t you go into the room with tears in your eyes, or M. Pons will be thinking himself worse than he is.”
“Wipe your tears; they honor me; this is my reward,” said La Cibot, dramatically. “There’s no more selfless person on earth than me; but don’t go into the room with tears in your eyes, or Mr. Pons will think he’s worse off than he really is.”
Schmucke was touched by this delicate feeling. He took La Cibot’s hand and gave it a final squeeze.
Schmucke was moved by this gentle emotion. He took La Cibot's hand and gave it one last squeeze.
“Spare me!” cried the ex-oysterseller, leering at Schmucke.
“Spare me!” shouted the former oyster seller, grimacing at Schmucke.
“Bons,” the good German said when he returned “Montame Zipod is an anchel; ‘tis an anchel dat brattles, but an anchel all der same.”
“Bons,” the good German said when he returned, “Montame Zipod is an angel; it's an angel that rattles, but an angel all the same.”
“Do you think so? I have grown suspicious in the past month,” said the invalid, shaking his head. “After all I have been through, one comes to believe in nothing but God and my friend—”
“Do you really think that? I've become pretty suspicious over the last month,” said the invalid, shaking his head. “After everything I've been through, you end up believing in nothing but God and my friend—”
“Get bedder, and ve vill lif like kings, all tree of us,” exclaimed Schmucke.
“Get better, and we will live like kings, all three of us,” exclaimed Schmucke.
“Cibot!” panted the portress as she entered the lodge. “Oh, my dear, our fortune is made. My two gentlemen haven’t nobody to come after them, no natural children, no nothing, in short! Oh, I shall go round to Ma’am Fontaine’s and get her to tell my fortune on the cards, then we shall know how much we are going to have—”
“Cibot!” gasped the doorkeeper as she entered the lodge. “Oh, my dear, we’ve struck gold. My two gentlemen don’t have anyone coming after them, no kids, nothing at all, really! Oh, I’m going to swing by Ma’am Fontaine’s and have her read my fortune with the cards, then we’ll know how much we’re going to get—”
“Wife,” said the little tailor, “it’s ill counting on dead men’s shoes.”
"Wife," said the little tailor, "it's not wise to rely on the shoes of the dead."
“Oh, I say, are you going to worry me?” asked she, giving her spouse a playful tap. “I know what I know! Dr. Poulain has given up M. Pons. And we are going to be rich! My name will be down in the will.... I’ll see to that. Draw your needle in and out, and look after the lodge; you will not do it for long now. We will retire, and go into the country, out at Batignolles. A nice house and a fine garden; you will amuse yourself with gardening, and I shall keep a servant!”
“Oh, come on, are you really going to stress me out?” she asked, giving her partner a playful nudge. “I know what I know! Dr. Poulain has dropped M. Pons. And we're going to be rich! My name is going to be in the will.... I’ll make sure of that. Just keep stitching and take care of the lodge; you won’t have to do it for much longer. We’ll retire and move to the countryside, out in Batignolles. A nice house and a beautiful garden; you can enjoy gardening, and I’ll hire a maid!”
“Well, neighbor, and how are things going on upstairs?” The words were spoken with the thick Auvergnat accent, and Remonencq put his head in at the door. “Do you know what the collection is worth?”
“Well, neighbor, how are things going upstairs?” The words were spoken with a heavy Auvergnat accent, and Remonencq poked his head in the door. “Do you know how much the collection is worth?”
“No, no, not yet. One can’t go at that rate, my good man. I have begun, myself, by finding out more important things—”
“No, no, not yet. You can’t move at that speed, my good man. I have started, myself, by discovering more important things—”
“More important!” exclaimed Remonencq; “why, what things can be more important?”
“More important!” exclaimed Remonencq; “what could possibly be more important?”
“Come, let me do the steering, ragamuffin,” said La Cibot authoritatively.
“Come on, let me take the wheel, you street urchin,” La Cibot said confidently.
“But thirty per cent on seven hundred thousand francs,” persisted the dealer in old iron; “you could be your own mistress for the rest of your days on that.”
“But thirty percent on seven hundred thousand francs,” the dealer in scrap metal insisted, “you could be independent for the rest of your life with that.”
“Be easy, Daddy Remonencq; when we want to know the value of the things that the old man has got together, then we will see.”
“Chill out, Daddy Remonencq; when we want to find out the worth of what the old man has collected, then we’ll check it out.”
La Cibot went for the medicine ordered by Dr. Poulain, and put off her consultation with Mme. Fontaine until the morrow; the oracle’s faculties would be fresher and clearer in the morning, she thought; and she would go early, before everybody else came, for there was often a crowd at Mme. Fontaine’s.
La Cibot went to get the medicine that Dr. Poulain had prescribed and postponed her consultation with Mme. Fontaine until the next day; she figured the oracle would be more fresh and clear in the morning, and she planned to go early, before anyone else arrived, since there was often a crowd at Mme. Fontaine’s.
Mme. Fontaine was at this time the oracle of the Marais; she had survived the rival of forty years, the celebrated Mlle. Lenormand. No one imagines the part that fortune-tellers play among Parisians of the lower classes, nor the immense influence which they exert over the uneducated; general servants, portresses, kept women, workmen, all the many in Paris who live on hope, consult the privileged beings who possess the mysterious power of reading the future.
Mme. Fontaine was the go-to oracle of the Marais; she had outlasted her rival for forty years, the famous Mlle. Lenormand. No one realizes the role that fortune-tellers play among the working-class Parisians, nor the huge influence they have over the uneducated. General servants, building porters, mistresses, and workers—all the many in Paris who depend on hope—consult the select few who have the mysterious ability to see into the future.
The belief of the occult science is far more widely spread than scholars, lawyers, doctors, magistrates, and philosophers imagine. The instincts of the people are ineradicable. One among those instincts, so foolishly styled “superstition,” runs in the blood of the populace, and tinges no less the intellects of better educated folk. More than one French statesman has been known to consult the fortune-teller’s cards. For sceptical minds, astrology, in French, so oddly termed astrologie judiciare, is nothing more than a cunning device for making a profit out of one of the strongest of all the instincts of human nature—to wit, curiosity. The sceptical mind consequently denies that there is any connection between human destiny and the prognostications obtained by the seven or eight principal methods known to astrology; and the occult sciences, like many natural phenomena, are passed over by the freethinker or the materialist philosopher, id est, by those who believe in nothing but visible and tangible facts, in the results given by the chemist’s retort and the scales of modern physical science. The occult sciences still exist; they are at work, but they make no progress, for the greatest intellects of two centuries have abandoned the field.
The belief in occult science is much more common than scholars, lawyers, doctors, judges, and philosophers realize. People's instincts are deeply rooted. One of these instincts, foolishly labeled “superstition,” runs in the veins of the general public and also affects the minds of well-educated individuals. More than one French politician has been known to consult a fortune-teller’s cards. For skeptical thinkers, astrology, oddly called in French astrologie judiciare, is simply a clever way to profit from one of the strongest human instincts—curiosity. Skeptical individuals therefore reject any link between human fate and the predictions made using the main techniques of astrology. The occult sciences, like many natural phenomena, are ignored by free thinkers or materialist philosophers, id est, by those who believe only in visible and tangible facts, like the results from chemical experiments and modern physical science. The occult sciences still exist and are at work, but they make no progress, as the greatest minds of the last two centuries have left the field.
If you only look at the practical side of divination, it seems absurd to imagine that events in a man’s past life and secrets known only to himself can be represented on the spur of the moment by a pack of cards which he shuffles and cuts for the fortune-teller to lay out in piles according to certain mysterious rules; but then the steam-engine was condemned as absurd, aerial navigation is still said to be absurd, so in their time were the inventions of gunpowder, printing, spectacles, engraving, and that latest discovery of all—the daguerreotype. If any man had come to Napoleon to tell him that a building or a figure is at all times and in all places represented by an image in the atmosphere, that every existing object has a spectral intangible double which may become visible, the Emperor would have sent his informant to Charenton for a lunatic, just as Richelieu before his day sent that Norman martyr, Salomon de Caux, to the Bicetre for announcing his immense triumph, the idea of navigation by steam. Yet Daguerre’s discovery amounts to nothing more nor less than this.
If you only focus on the practical side of divination, it seems ridiculous to think that events from someone's past and secrets known only to them can be captured in an instant by a deck of cards that they shuffle and cut for the fortune-teller to arrange according to some mysterious rules. But, just like steam engines were once dismissed as absurd, aerial travel is still considered absurd, and so were the inventions of gunpowder, printing, glasses, engraving, and the latest discovery of all—the daguerreotype. If anyone had approached Napoleon to say that a building or a figure is always represented by an image in the atmosphere, that every object has a spectral, intangible double that can become visible, the Emperor would have sent that person to an asylum for being insane, just as Richelieu did before him when he sent that Norman martyr, Salomon de Caux, to the Bicetre for proclaiming his great triumph: the idea of steam navigation. Yet Daguerre’s discovery is nothing more than this.
And if for some clairvoyant eyes God has written each man’s destiny over his whole outward and visible form, if a man’s body is the record of his fate, why should not the hand in a manner epitomize the body?—since the hand represents the deed of man, and by his deeds he is known.
And if, for some insightful observers, God has written each person’s destiny all over their outer appearance, and if a person’s body reflects their fate, then why shouldn’t the hand, in a way, summarize the body? After all, the hand symbolizes a person's actions, and it’s through those actions that they are recognized.
Herein lies the theory of palmistry. Does not Society imitate God? At the sight of a soldier we can predict that he will fight; of a lawyer, that he will talk; of a shoemaker, that he shall make shoes or boots; of a worker of the soil, that he shall dig the ground and dung it; and is it a more wonderful thing that such an one with the “seer’s” gift should foretell the events of a man’s life from his hand?
Here’s the theory of palmistry. Doesn’t society mimic God? When we see a soldier, we can predict that he will fight; when we see a lawyer, we know he will speak; when we encounter a shoemaker, we expect him to make shoes or boots; and when we meet a farmer, we anticipate that he will till the soil and fertilize it. So, is it really so extraordinary that someone with the “seer’s” gift can predict the events of a person’s life from their hands?
To take a striking example. Genius is so visible in a man that a great artist cannot walk about the streets of Paris but the most ignorant people are conscious of his passing. He is a sun, as it were, in the mental world, shedding light that colors everything in its path. And who does not know an idiot at once by an impression the exact opposite of the sensation of the presence of genius? Most observers of human nature in general, and Parisian nature in particular, can guess the profession or calling of the man in the street.
To give a clear example, genius is so obvious in a person that a great artist can't walk around the streets of Paris without even the most clueless people noticing him. He is like a sun in the world of ideas, shining light that colors everything around him. And who doesn’t immediately recognize an idiot by the exact opposite feeling compared to the presence of genius? Most people who observe human nature, especially in Paris, can often guess the profession or role of someone they see on the street.
The mysteries of the witches’ Sabbath, so wonderfully painted in the sixteenth century, are no mysteries for us. The Egyptian ancestors of that mysterious people of Indian origin, the gypsies of the present day, simply used to drug their clients with hashish, a practice that fully accounts for broomstick rides and flights up the chimney, the real-seeming visions, so to speak, of old crones transformed into young damsels, the frantic dances, the exquisite music, and all the fantastic tales of devil-worship.
The mysteries of the witches’ Sabbath, so vividly described in the sixteenth century, are no longer mysteries to us. The Egyptian ancestors of the mysterious group of Indian descent, the modern-day gypsies, would just drug their clients with hashish. This practice explains the broomstick rides and flights up chimneys, the lifelike visions of old women turning into young maidens, the wild dances, the beautiful music, and all the unbelievable stories of devil-worship.
So many proven facts have been first discovered by occult science, that some day we shall have professors of occult science, as we already have professors of chemistry and astronomy. It is even singular that here in Paris, where we are founding chairs of Mantchu and Slave and literatures so little professable (to coin a word) as the literatures of the North (which, so far from providing lessons, stand very badly in need of them); when the curriculum is full of the everlasting lectures on Shakespeare and the sixteenth century,—it is strange that some one has not restored the teaching of the occult philosophies, once the glory of the University of Paris, under the title of anthropology. Germany, so childlike and so great, has outstripped France in this particular; in Germany they have professors of a science of far more use than a knowledge of the heterogeneous philosophies, which all come to the same thing at bottom.
So many facts that are now accepted were first uncovered by occult science that eventually, we'll have professors of occult science just like we already have in fields like chemistry and astronomy. It's quite odd that here in Paris, where we're establishing chairs for Mantchu and Slave literatures—subjects that are hardly teachable (if that's even a word)—along with the endless lectures on Shakespeare and the sixteenth century; it's strange that nobody has revived the teaching of occult philosophies, which were once the pride of the University of Paris, under the label of anthropology. Germany, in its innocence and greatness, has gone ahead of France in this respect; there, they have professors dedicated to a field of study that's much more beneficial than just knowing about the various philosophies, which essentially lead to the same conclusions.
Once admit that certain beings have the power of discerning the future in its germ-form of the Cause, as the great inventor sees a glimpse of the industry latent in his invention, or a science in something that happens every day unnoticed by ordinary eyes—once allow this, and there is nothing to cause an outcry in such phenomena, no violent exception to nature’s laws, but the operation of a recognized faculty; possibly a kind of mental somnambulism, as it were. If, therefore, the hypothesis upon which the various ways of divining the future are based seem absurd, the facts remain. Remark that it is not really more wonderful that the seer should foretell the chief events of the future than that he should read the past. Past and future, on the sceptic’s system, equally lie beyond the limits of knowledge. If the past has left traces behind it, it is not improbable that future events have, as it were, their roots in the present.
Once you accept that certain beings have the ability to see future events in their early stages, like a great inventor catching a glimpse of the potential in their creation or a scientist recognizing something significant happening every day that goes unnoticed by most—once you acknowledge this, there's no reason to react strongly to such phenomena. They don’t contradict nature’s laws but instead reflect a recognized ability; perhaps a form of mental sleepwalking, so to speak. Therefore, even if the theories behind the different ways of predicting the future seem ridiculous, the facts still stand. Note that it’s not more astonishing for someone with this ability to foresee major future events than it is for them to interpret the past. According to the skeptic’s view, both past and future lie outside the realm of knowledge. If the past has left behind traces, it’s not unlikely that future events are rooted in the present.
If a fortune-teller gives you minute details of past facts known only to yourself, why should he not foresee the events to be produced by existing causes? The world of ideas is cut out, so to speak, on the pattern of the physical world; the same phenomena should be discernible in both, allowing for the difference of the medium. As, for instance, a corporeal body actually projects an image upon the atmosphere—a spectral double detected and recorded by the daguerreotype; so also ideas, having a real and effective existence, leave an impression, as it were, upon the atmosphere of the spiritual world; they likewise produce effects, and exist spectrally (to coin a word to express phenomena for which no words exist), and certain human beings are endowed with the faculty of discerning these “forms” or traces of ideas.
If a fortune-teller gives you detailed information about things that only you know, why wouldn't they be able to predict what will happen because of the current causes? The world of ideas is shaped, so to speak, by the same rules as the physical world; similar patterns should be visible in both, accounting for the differences in how they manifest. For example, a physical object actually casts an image into the air—a ghostly double captured and recorded by a daguerreotype; similarly, ideas, which have a real and impactful existence, leave a mark, so to speak, on the atmosphere of the spiritual realm; they also generate effects and exist in a spectral way (to invent a term for phenomena that don’t have words yet), and some people have the ability to perceive these "forms" or traces of ideas.
As for the material means employed to assist the seer—the objects arranged by the hands of the consultant that the accidents of his life may be revealed to him,—this is the least inexplicable part of the process. Everything in the material world is part of a series of causes and effects. Nothing happens without a cause, every cause is a part of a whole, and consequently the whole leaves its impression on the slightest accident. Rabelais, the greatest mind among moderns, resuming Pythagoras, Hippocrates, Aristophanes, and Dante, pronounced three centuries ago that “man is a microcosm”—a little world. Three hundred years later, the great seer Swedenborg declared that “the world was a man.” The prophet and the precursor of incredulity meet thus in the greatest of all formulas.
As for the material tools used to help the seer—the items arranged by the consultant so that the events of their life can be revealed to them— this is the least mysterious part of the process. Everything in the physical world is part of a chain of causes and effects. Nothing occurs without a cause, every cause is part of a larger whole, and as a result, the whole influences even the smallest event. Rabelais, one of the greatest thinkers of modern times, echoed Pythagoras, Hippocrates, Aristophanes, and Dante, stating three centuries ago that “man is a microcosm”—a small world. Three hundred years later, the great thinker Swedenborg claimed that “the world was a man.” The prophet and the forerunner of skepticism intersect in this greatest of all ideas.
Everything in human life is predestined, so it is also with the existence of the planet. The least event, the most futile phenomena, are all subordinate parts of a scheme. Great things, therefore, great designs, and great thoughts are of necessity reflected in the smallest actions, and that so faithfully, that should a conspirator shuffle and cut a pack of playing-cards, he will write the history of his plot for the eyes of the seer styled gypsy, fortune-teller, charlatan, or what not. If you once admit fate, which is to say, the chain of links of cause and effect, astrology has a locus standi, and becomes what it was of yore, a boundless science, requiring the same faculty of deduction by which Cuvier became so great, a faculty to be exercised spontaneously, however, and not merely in nights of study in the closet.
Everything in human life is predetermined, just like the existence of our planet. Even the smallest events and the most trivial phenomena are all part of a larger plan. So, great things—big ideas and grand thoughts—must also show up in the tiniest actions, so clearly that if someone were to shuffle and cut a deck of cards, they would reveal the details of their scheme to a seer called a gypsy, fortune-teller, charlatan, or whatever else. Once you accept fate, meaning the chain of cause and effect, astrology has a place and becomes what it once was: an unlimited science that requires the same deductive reasoning that made Cuvier so remarkable, a skill that should be used naturally, not just through nights locked away studying.
For seven centuries astrology and divination have exercised an influence not only (as at present) over the uneducated, but over the greatest minds, over kings and queens and wealthy people. Animal magnetism, one of the great sciences of antiquity, had its origin in occult philosophy; chemistry is the outcome of alchemy; phrenology and neurology are no less the fruit of similar studies. The first illustrious workers in these, to all appearance, untouched fields, made one mistake, the mistake of all inventors; that is to say, they erected an absolute system on a basis of isolated facts for which modern analysis as yet cannot account. The Catholic Church, the law of the land, and modern philosophy, in agreement for once, combined to prescribe, persecute, and ridicule the mysteries of the Cabala as well as the adepts; the result is a lamentable interregnum of a century in occult philosophy. But the uneducated classes, and not a few cultivated people (women especially), continue to pay a tribute to the mysterious power of those who can raise the veil of the future; they go to buy hope, strength, and courage of the fortune-teller; in other words, to ask of him all that religion alone can give. So the art is still practised in spite of a certain amount of risk. The eighteenth century encyclopaedists procured tolerance for the sorcerer; he is no longer amenable to a court of law, unless, indeed, he lends himself to fraudulent practices, and frightens his “clients” to extort money from them, in which case he may be prosecuted on a charge of obtaining money under false pretences. Unluckily, the exercise of the sublime art is only too often used as a method of obtaining money under false pretences, and for the following reasons.
For seven centuries, astrology and divination have influenced not only the uneducated, as it does now, but also the greatest minds, including kings, queens, and wealthy individuals. Animal magnetism, one of the major sciences of ancient times, originated from occult philosophy; chemistry emerged from alchemy; and phrenology and neurology also resulted from similar studies. The first notable pioneers in these seemingly untouched fields made one mistake, the common error of inventors: they built an absolute system on a foundation of isolated facts that modern analysis still can't fully explain. The Catholic Church, the laws of the land, and modern philosophy, for once in agreement, came together to condemn, persecute, and mock the mysteries of the Cabala, as well as its practitioners; the outcome was a regrettable century-long hiatus in occult philosophy. However, the uneducated classes, along with many educated people (especially women), continue to seek out those who can unveil the future; they visit fortune-tellers to buy hope, strength, and courage, in other words, to ask for what only religion can provide. As a result, the practice persists despite some risks. The encyclopedists of the eighteenth century garnered some tolerance for sorcery; it is no longer punishable by law, unless the practitioner engages in fraudulent activities to scare their clients into paying them, in which case they can be prosecuted for obtaining money under false pretenses. Unfortunately, the noble practice of this art is often exploited as a means to defraud, and for the following reasons.
The seer’s wonderful gifts are usually bestowed upon those who are described by the epithets rough and uneducated. The rough and uneducated are the chosen vessels into which God pours the elixirs at which we marvel. From among the rough and uneducated, prophets arise—an Apostle Peter, or St. Peter the Hermit. Wherever mental power is imprisoned, and remains intact and entire for want of an outlet in conversation, in politics, in literature, in the imaginings of the scholar, in the efforts of the statesman, in the conceptions of the inventor, or the soldier’s toils of war; the fire within is apt to flash out in gleams of marvelously vivid light, like the sparks hidden in an unpolished diamond. Let the occasion come, and the spirit within kindles and glows, finds wings to traverse space, and the god-like power of beholding all things. The coal of yesterday under the play of some mysterious influence becomes a radiant diamond. Better educated people, many-sided and highly polished, continually giving out all that is in them, can never exhibit this supreme power, save by one of the miracles which God sometimes vouchsafes to work. For this reason the soothsayer is almost always a beggar, whose mind is virgin soil, a creature coarse to all appearance, a pebble borne along the torrent of misery and left in the ruts of life, where it spends nothing of itself save in mere physical suffering.
The seer’s amazing gifts are often given to those who are considered rough and uneducated. The rough and uneducated are the chosen vessels for the extraordinary insights from God that we often admire. From among these individuals, prophets emerge—like Apostle Peter or St. Peter the Hermit. Wherever mental potential is trapped and remains whole because it lacks an outlet in conversation, politics, literature, scholarly imagination, statesmanship, invention, or the soldier's hardships in war; the inner fire can burst forth in flashes of stunning brightness, like the sparks hidden in an unrefined diamond. When the right moment arrives, the spirit within ignites and shines, finding the ability to soar, revealing a god-like power to perceive everything. The coal of yesterday, under a mysterious influence, transforms into a brilliant diamond. Better-educated people, who are versatile and well-polished, constantly sharing what they contain, can rarely demonstrate this profound ability, unless through one of the miracles that God sometimes allows. This is why the soothsayer is often a beggar, whose mind is untouched, a seemingly rough individual, a stone carried along the stream of suffering and left in the grooves of life, where it expends itself only through physical hardship.
The prophet, the seer, in short, is some Martin le Laboureur making a Louis XVIII. tremble by telling him a secret known only to the king himself; or it is a Mlle. Lenormand, or a domestic servant like Mme. Fontaine, or again, perhaps it is some half-idiotic negress, some herdsman living among his cattle, who receives the gift of vision; some Hindoo fakir, seated by a pagoda, mortifying the flesh till the spirit gains the mysterious power of the somnambulist.
The prophet, the visionary, is basically someone like Martin le Laboureur making Louis XVIII nervous by revealing a secret that only the king knows; or maybe it’s someone like Mlle. Lenormand, or a housekeeper like Mme. Fontaine, or even a somewhat simple-minded Black woman, or a shepherd tending his flock, who has the ability to see beyond. It could also be a Hindu fakir sitting by a pagoda, enduring physical hardships until the spirit unlocks the mysterious powers of a sleepwalker.
Asia, indeed, through all time, has been the home of the heroes of occult science. Persons of this kind, recovering their normal state, are usually just as they were before. They fulfil, in some sort, the chemical and physical functions of bodies which conduct electricity; at times inert metal, at other times a channel filled with a mysterious current. In their normal condition they are given to practices which bring them before the magistrate, yea, verily, like the notorious Balthazar, even unto the criminal court, and so to the hulks. You could hardly find a better proof of the immense influence of fortune-telling upon the working classes than the fact that poor Pons’ life and death hung upon the prediction that Mme. Fontaine was to make from the cards.
Asia has always been home to the heroes of occult science. These individuals, when they return to their normal state, are usually just as they were before. They somewhat fulfill the chemical and physical functions of bodies that conduct electricity; at times they're like inert metal, and at other times they're a channel filled with a mysterious current. In their normal state, they engage in practices that often lead them to interactions with authorities, just like the infamous Balthazar, even finding their way to criminal court and then to prison ships. It's hard to find a better example of the huge impact of fortune-telling on working-class people than the fact that poor Pons’ life and death depended on the prediction that Mme. Fontaine was going to make from the cards.
Although a certain amount of repetition is inevitable in a canvas so considerable and so full of detail as a complete picture of French society in the nineteenth century, it is needless to repeat the description of Mme. Fontaine’s den, already given in Les Comediens sans le savoir; suffice it to say that Mme. Cibot used to go to Mme. Fontaine’s house in the Rue Vieille-du-Temple as regularly as frequenters of the Cafe Anglais drop in at that restaurant for lunch. Mme. Cibot, being a very old customer, often introduced young persons and old gossips consumed with curiosity to the wise woman.
Although some repetition is unavoidable in such a large and detailed portrayal of French society in the nineteenth century, there's no need to repeat the description of Mme. Fontaine’s den, which has already been shared in Les Comediens sans le savoir; it’s enough to say that Mme. Cibot visited Mme. Fontaine’s house on Rue Vieille-du-Temple as regularly as regulars at the Cafe Anglais stop by for lunch. Being a longtime customer, Mme. Cibot often brought along curious young people and old gossipers to meet the wise woman.
The old servant who acted as provost marshal flung open the door of the sanctuary with no further ceremony than the remark, “It’s Mme. Cibot.—Come in, there’s nobody here.”
The old servant who worked as the provost marshal swung open the door of the sanctuary with no more formality than saying, “It’s Mrs. Cibot.—Come in, there’s nobody here.”
“Well, child, what can bring you here so early of a morning?” asked the sorceress, as Mme. Fontaine might well be called, for she was seventy-eight years old, and looked like one of the Parcae.
“Well, child, what brings you here so early in the morning?” asked the sorceress, known as Mme. Fontaine, for she was seventy-eight years old and looked like one of the Fates.
“Something has given me a turn,” said La Cibot; “I want the grand jeu; it is a question of my fortune.” Therewith she explained her position, and wished to know if her sordid hopes were likely to be realized.
“Something has upset me,” said La Cibot; “I want the grand jeu; it’s a matter of my fortune.” With that, she explained her situation and wanted to know if her selfish hopes were likely to come true.
“Do you know what the grand jeu means?” asked Mme. Fontaine, with much solemnity.
“Do you know what the grand jeu means?” asked Mme. Fontaine, very seriously.
“No, I haven’t never seen the trick, I am not rich enough.—A hundred francs! It’s not as if it cost so much! Where was the money to come from? But now I can’t help myself, I must have it.”
“No, I’ve never seen the trick, I’m not rich enough.—A hundred francs! It’s not that it costs that much! Where was the money supposed to come from? But now I can’t help it, I have to have it.”
“I don’t do it often, child,” returned Mme. Fontaine; “I only do it for rich people on great occasions, and they pay me twenty-five louis for doing it; it tires me, you see, it wears me out. The ‘Spirit’ rives my inside, here. It is like going to the ‘Sabbath,’ as they used to say.”
“I don’t do it often, dear,” replied Mme. Fontaine; “I only do it for wealthy clients on special occasions, and they pay me twenty-five louis for it; it exhausts me, you know, it really wears me out. The ‘Spirit’ tears me apart inside, right here. It's like going to the ‘Sabbath,’ as they used to say.”
“But when I tell you that it means my whole future, my dear good Ma’am Fontaine—”
“But when I tell you that it represents my entire future, my dear good Ma’am Fontaine—”
“Well, as it is you that have come to consult me so often, I will submit myself to the Spirit!” replied Mme. Fontaine, with a look of genuine terror on her face.
“Well, since you’re the one who has come to me for advice so often, I will submit myself to the Spirit!” replied Mme. Fontaine, with a look of real fear on her face.
She rose from her filthy old chair by the fireside, and went to a table covered with a green cloth so worn that you could count the threads. A huge toad sat dozing there beside a cage inhabited by a black disheveled-looking fowl.
She got up from her dirty old chair by the fireplace and walked over to a table covered with a green cloth so worn that you could see the threads. A huge toad sat dozing there next to a cage holding a messy-looking black bird.
“Astaroth! here, my son!” she said, and the creature looked up intelligently at her as she rapped him on the back with a long knitting-needle.—“And you, Mademoiselle Cleopatre!—attention!” she continued, tapping the ancient fowl on the beak.
“Astaroth! Come here, my son!” she said, and the creature looked up at her thoughtfully as she tapped him on the back with a long knitting needle. “And you, Mademoiselle Cleopatre! Pay attention!” she continued, tapping the old bird on the beak.
Then Mme. Fontaine began to think; for several seconds she did not move; she looked like a corpse, her eyes rolled in their sockets and grew white; then she rose stiff and erect, and a cavernous voice cried:
Then Mme. Fontaine started to think; for several seconds she didn't move; she looked like a corpse, her eyes rolled back in their sockets and turned white; then she stood up straight and stiff, and a hollow voice shouted:
“Here I am!”
“Here I am!”
Automatically she scattered millet for Cleopatre, took up the pack of cards, shuffled them convulsively, and held them out to Mme. Cibot to cut, sighing heavily all the time. At the sight of that image of Death in the filthy turban and uncanny-looking bed-jacket, watching the black fowl as it pecked at the millet-grains, calling to the toad Astaroth to walk over the cards that lay out on the table, a cold thrill ran through Mme. Cibot; she shuddered. Nothing but strong belief can give strong emotions. An assured income, to be or not to be, that was the question.
Automatically, she scattered millet for Cleopatre, picked up the pack of cards, shuffled them anxiously, and held them out to Mme. Cibot to cut, sighing heavily the whole time. At the sight of that image of Death in the filthy turban and eerie-looking bed-jacket, watching the black fowl pecking at the millet grains and calling for the toad Astaroth to walk over the cards laid out on the table, a chill ran through Mme. Cibot; she shuddered. Only a strong belief can evoke strong emotions. A stable income, to be or not to be, that was the question.
The sorceress opened a magical work and muttered some unintelligible words in a sepulchral voice, looked at the remaining millet-seeds, and watched the way in which the toad retired. Then after seven or eight minutes, she turned her white eyes on the cards and expounded them.
The sorceress opened a spellbook and murmured some incomprehensible words in a haunting voice, glanced at the leftover millet seeds, and observed how the toad moved away. After about seven or eight minutes, she turned her pale eyes to the cards and interpreted them.
“You will succeed, although nothing in the affair will fall out as you expect. You will have many steps to take, but you will reap the fruits of your labors. You will behave very badly; it will be with you as it is with all those who sit by a sick-bed and covet part of the inheritance. Great people will help you in this work of wrongdoing. Afterwards in the death agony you will repent. Two escaped convicts, a short man with red hair and an old man with a bald head, will murder you for the sake of the money you will be supposed to have in the village whither you will retire with your second husband. Now, my daughter, it is still open to you to choose your course.”
“You will succeed, even though nothing will go as you expect. You will have to take many steps, but you will enjoy the benefits of your hard work. You will behave very poorly; it will be just like with everyone who sits by a sick person and desires a share of the inheritance. Powerful people will assist you in these wrongdoings. Later, during your moments of pain and regret, you will feel remorse. Two escaped convicts, a short guy with red hair and an old man who's bald, will kill you for the money you’re rumored to have in the village where you plan to go with your second husband. Now, my daughter, you still have the choice of which path to take.”
The excitement which seemed to glow within, lighting up the bony hollows about the eyes, was suddenly extinguished. As soon as the horoscope was pronounced, Mme. Fontaine’s face wore a dazed expression; she looked exactly like a sleep-walker aroused from sleep, gazed about her with an astonished air, recognized Mme. Cibot, and seemed surprised by her terrified face.
The excitement that seemed to shine from within, lighting up the hollows around her eyes, was suddenly snuffed out. As soon as the horoscope was read, Mme. Fontaine's face went blank; she looked just like someone waking from a deep sleep, glancing around her in confusion, recognizing Mme. Cibot, and appearing shocked by her terrified expression.
“Well, child,” she said, in a totally different voice, “are you satisfied?”
“Well, kid,” she said, in a completely different tone, “are you satisfied?”
Mme. Cibot stared stupidly at the sorceress, and could not answer.
Mme. Cibot stared blankly at the sorceress and couldn't respond.
“Ah! you would have the grand jeu; I have treated you as an old acquaintance. I only want a hundred francs—”
“Ah! you want the grand jeu; I’ve treated you like an old friend. I just need a hundred francs—”
“Cibot,—going to die?” gasped the portress.
“Cibot, are you really going to die?” gasped the portress.
“So I have been telling you very dreadful things, have I?” asked Mme. Fontaine, with an extremely ingenuous air.
“So I’ve been telling you really awful things, have I?” asked Mme. Fontaine, with a very innocent look.
“Why, yes!” said La Cibot, taking a hundred francs from her pocket and laying them down on the edge of the table. “Going to be murdered, think of it—”
“Absolutely!” said La Cibot, taking a hundred francs from her pocket and placing them on the edge of the table. “About to be murdered, can you believe it—”
“Ah! there it is! You would have the grand jeu; but don’t take on so, all the folk that are murdered on the cards don’t die.”
“Ah! there it is! You want the grand jeu; but don’t stress too much, all the people who get killed in the game don’t actually die.”
“But is it possible, Ma’am Fontaine?”
“But is it possible, Ms. Fontaine?”
“Oh, I know nothing about it, my pretty dear! You would rap at the door of the future; I pull the cord, and it came.”
“Oh, I know nothing about it, my lovely dear! You would knock on the door of the future; I pull the cord, and it arrived.”
“It, what?” asked Mme. Cibot.
“It, what?” asked Mme. Cibot.
“Well, then, the Spirit!” cried the sorceress impatiently.
“Well, then, the Spirit!” the sorceress exclaimed impatiently.
“Good-bye, Ma’am Fontaine,” exclaimed the portress. “I did not know what the grand jeu was like. You have given me a good fright, that you have.”
“Goodbye, Ma’am Fontaine,” the doorkeeper said. “I didn’t know what the grand jeu was like. You really scared me, you did.”
“The mistress will not put herself in that state twice in a month,” said the servant, as she went with La Cibot to the landing. “She would do herself to death if she did, it tires her so. She will eat cutlets now and sleep for three hours afterwards.”
“The mistress won’t put herself in that state twice a month,” said the servant as she walked with La Cibot to the landing. “It’s exhausting for her, and she’d be worn out if she did. She’ll have cutlets now and then sleep for three hours afterward.”
Out in the street La Cibot took counsel of herself as she went along, and, after the manner of all who ask for advice of any sort or description, she took the favorable part of the prediction and rejected the rest. The next day found her confirmed in her resolutions—she would set all in train to become rich by securing a part of Pons’ collection. Nor for some time had she any other thought than the combination of various plans to this end. The faculty of self-concentration seen in rough, uneducated persons, explained on a previous page, the reserve power accumulated in those whose mental energies are unworn by the daily wear and tear of social life, and brought into action so soon as that terrible weapon the “fixed idea” is brought into play,—all this was pre-eminently manifested in La Cibot. Even as the “fixed idea” works miracles of evasion, and brings forth prodigies of sentiment, so greed transformed the portress till she became as formidable as a Nucingen at bay, as subtle beneath her seeming stupidity as the irresistible La Palferine.
Out in the street, La Cibot thought things over as she walked, and like everyone who seeks advice in any form, she focused on the positive parts of the prediction and ignored the rest. The next day, she was sure of her decision—she would do everything to get rich by securing a part of Pons’ collection. For a while, she had no other thoughts than how to combine different plans to achieve this goal. The ability to concentrate seen in rough, uneducated individuals, explained earlier, the hidden potential in those whose minds are untapped by the daily grind of social life, all became evident in La Cibot as soon as she focused on her “fixed idea.” Just like how the “fixed idea” works wonders in avoiding obstacles and brings forth intense feelings, greed transformed the portress into someone as intimidating as a cornered Nucingen and as cunning behind her apparent foolishness as the unstoppable La Palferine.
About seven o’clock one morning, a few days afterwards, she saw Remonencq taking down his shutters. She went across to him.
About seven o’clock one morning, a few days later, she saw Remonencq taking down his shutters. She walked over to him.
“How could one find out how much the things yonder in my gentlemen’s rooms are worth?” she asked in a wheedling tone.
“How can someone find out how much the stuff over in my gentleman’s rooms is worth?” she asked in a coaxing tone.
“Oh! that is quite easy,” replied the owner of the old curiosity shop. “If you will play fair and above board with me, I will tell you of somebody, a very honest man, who will know the value of the pictures to a farthing—”
“Oh! that is pretty simple,” replied the owner of the old curiosity shop. “If you’re honest and straightforward with me, I’ll tell you about someone, a really honest guy, who will know the value of the pictures down to the last penny—”
“Who?”
“Who’s that?”
“M. Magus, a Jew. He only does business to amuse himself now.”
“M. Magus, a Jew. He only conducts business for his own entertainment now.”
Elie Magus has appeared so often in the Comedie Humaine, that it is needless to say more of him here. Suffice it to add that he had retired from business, and as a dealer was following the example set by Pons the amateur. Well-known valuers like Henry, Messrs. Pigeot and Moret, Theret, Georges, and Roehn, the experts of the Musee, in fact, were but children compared with Elie Magus. He could see a masterpiece beneath the accumulated grime of a century; he knew all schools, and the handwriting of all painters.
Elie Magus appears so frequently in the Comedie Humaine that there's no need to say much more about him here. It’s enough to mention that he had retired from business, and as a dealer, he was following the example set by Pons the amateur. Well-known appraisers like Henry, Messrs. Pigeot and Moret, Theret, Georges, and Roehn, the experts from the Museum, were basically inexperienced compared to Elie Magus. He could spot a masterpiece under a century's worth of grime; he was familiar with all artistic styles and recognized the handwriting of every painter.
He had come to Paris from Bordeaux, and so long ago as 1835 he had retired from business without making any change for the better in his dress, so faithful is the race to old tradition. The persecutions of the Middle Ages compelled them to wear rags, to snuffle and whine and groan over their poverty in self-defence, till the habits induced by the necessities of other times have come to be, as usual, instinctive, a racial defect.
He had come to Paris from Bordeaux, and as far back as 1835, he had retired from business without changing his style, so loyal is the culture to old traditions. The persecutions of the Middle Ages forced them to wear rags, to sniffle and complain about their poverty in self-defense, until the habits formed by the needs of those earlier times became instinctive, a cultural flaw.
Elie Magus had amassed a vast fortune by buying and selling diamonds, pictures, lace, enamels, delicate carvings, old jewelry, and rarities of all kinds, a kind of commerce which has developed enormously of late, so much so indeed that the number of dealers has increased tenfold during the last twenty years in this city of Paris, whither all the curiosities in the world come to rub against one another. And for pictures there are but three marts in the world—Rome, London, and Paris.
Elie Magus had built a huge fortune by buying and selling diamonds, artwork, lace, enamels, intricate carvings, antique jewelry, and various rare items. This type of business has grown tremendously lately, to the point where the number of dealers has increased tenfold in the last twenty years in Paris, where all the curiosities from around the world come together. When it comes to artwork, there are only three major markets globally—Rome, London, and Paris.
Elie Magus lived in the Chausee des Minimes, a short, broad street leading to the Place Royale. He had bought the house, an old-fashioned mansion, for a song, as the saying is, in 1831. Yet there were sumptuous apartments within it, decorated in the time of Louis XV.; for it had once been the Hotel Maulaincourt, built by the great President of the Cour des Aides, and its remote position had saved it at the time of the Revolution.
Elie Magus lived on Chausee des Minimes, a short, wide street that led to Place Royale. He had bought the house, an old mansion, for a bargain, as the saying goes, in 1831. Still, it had luxurious rooms inside, decorated in the style of Louis XV.; it used to be the Hotel Maulaincourt, built by the great President of the Cour des Aides, and its secluded location had spared it during the Revolution.
You may be quite sure that the old Jew had sound reasons for buying house property, contrary to the Hebrew law and custom. He had ended, as most of us end, with a hobby that bordered on a craze. He was as miserly as his friend, the late lamented Gobseck; but he had been caught by the snare of the eyes, by the beauty of the pictures in which he dealt. As his taste grew more and more fastidious, it became one of the passions which princes alone can indulge when they are wealthy and art-lovers. As the second King of Prussia found nothing that so kindled enthusiasm as the spectacle of a grenadier over six feet high, and gave extravagant sums for a new specimen to add to his living museum of a regiment, so the retired picture-dealer was roused to passion-pitch only by some canvas in perfect preservation, untouched since the master laid down the brush; and what was more, it must be a picture of the painter’s best time. No great sales, therefore, took place but Elie Magus was there; every mart knew him; he traveled all over Europe. The ice-cold, money-worshiping soul in him kindled at the sight of a perfect work of art, precisely as a libertine, weary of fair women, is roused from apathy by the sight of a beautiful girl, and sets out afresh upon the quest of flawless loveliness. A Don Juan among fair works of art, a worshiper of the Ideal, Elie Magus had discovered joys that transcend the pleasure of a miser gloating over his gold—he lived in a seraglio of great paintings.
You can be sure that the old Jew had solid reasons for buying property, despite Hebrew law and customs. He, like many of us, had developed a hobby that bordered on obsession. He was as stingy as his late friend Gobseck, but he had fallen for the allure of beautiful art, the paintings he dealt with. As his taste became more refined, it transformed into one of those passions that only wealthy art lovers can indulge in. Just as the second King of Prussia found nothing more exciting than seeing a grenadier over six feet tall and paid top dollar for new specimens to add to his living museum, the retired art dealer was only stirred to excitement by a flawlessly preserved canvas, untouched since the master set down his brush; it had to be a work from the painter's peak period. Thus, no major sales took place without Elie Magus being present; every market knew him, and he traveled across Europe. The frigid, money-obsessed part of him sparked at the sight of a perfect artwork, much like a weary libertine is jolted from indifference by encountering a beautiful woman, embarking once again in search of ultimate beauty. A Don Juan among artworks, a worshiper of the Ideal, Elie Magus found pleasures that went beyond the joy of a miser reveling in his gold—he lived in a harem of great paintings.
His masterpieces were housed as became the children of princes; the whole first floor of the great old mansion was given up to them. The rooms had been restored under Elie Magus’ orders, and with what magnificence!
His masterpieces were displayed like royal treasures; the entire first floor of the grand old mansion was dedicated to them. The rooms had been renovated under Elie Magus’ direction, and with such splendor!
The windows were hung with the richest Venetian brocade; the most splendid carpets from the Savonnerie covered the parquetry flooring. The frames of the pictures, nearly a hundred in number, were magnificent specimens, regilded cunningly by Servais, the one gilder in Paris whom Elie Magus thought sufficiently painstaking; the old Jew himself had taught him to use the English leaf, which is infinitely superior to that produced by French gold-beaters. Servais is among gilders as Thouvenin among bookbinders—an artist among craftsmen, making his work a labor of love. Every window in that gallery was protected by iron-barred shutters. Elie Magus himself lived in a couple of attics on the floor above; the furniture was wretched, the rooms were full of rags, and the whole place smacked of the Ghetto; Elie Magus was finishing his days without any change in his life.
The windows were draped with the richest Venetian brocade, and the most stunning carpets from the Savonnerie covered the hardwood floors. The frames of the pictures, nearly a hundred in total, were magnificent pieces, expertly regilded by Servais, the only gilder in Paris whom Elie Magus considered thorough enough; the old Jew himself had taught him to use English gold leaf, which is far better than what French gold-beaters produce. Servais is to gilders what Thouvenin is to bookbinders—an artist among craftsmen, putting real passion into his work. Every window in that gallery was secured with iron-barred shutters. Elie Magus lived in a couple of attics on the floor above; the furniture was miserable, the rooms were filled with rags, and the whole place had the feel of the Ghetto; Elie Magus was ending his days without any change in his life.
The whole of the ground floor was given up to the picture trade (for the Jew still dealt in works of art). Here he stored his canvases, here also packing-cases were stowed on their arrival from other countries; and still there was room for a vast studio, where Moret, most skilful of restorers of pictures, a craftsman whom the Musee ought to employ, was almost always at work for Magus. The rest of the rooms on the ground floor were given up to Magus’ daughter, the child of his old age, a Jewess as beautiful as a Jewess can be when the Semitic type reappears in its purity and nobility in a daughter of Israel. Noemi was guarded by two servants, fanatical Jewesses, to say nothing of an advanced-guard, a Polish Jew, Abramko by name, once involved in a fabulous manner in political troubles, from which Elie Magus saved him as a business speculation. Abramko, porter of the silent, grim, deserted mansion, divided his office and his lodge with three remarkably ferocious animals—an English bull-dog, a Newfoundland dog, and another of the Pyrenean breed.
The entire ground floor was dedicated to the art trade (since the Jew still dealt in artworks). This is where he stored his canvases, and it was also where packing boxes were stored upon arriving from other countries; yet there was still space for a large studio, where Moret, the most skilled picture restorer—an artisan who the museum should definitely hire—was nearly always working for Magus. The remaining rooms on the ground floor were for Magus’ daughter, the child of his old age, a Jewess as beautiful as a Jewess can be when the Semitic features are expressed in their purest and noblest form in a daughter of Israel. Noemi was watched over by two devoted servants, zealous Jewesses, not to mention an advance guard, a Polish Jew named Abramko, who had once been caught up in political troubles in a remarkable way, from which Elie Magus rescued him as a business venture. Abramko, the doorman of the silent, grim, deserted mansion, shared his office and living space with three remarkably fierce animals—a British bulldog, a Newfoundland, and another dog of the Pyrenean breed.
Behold the profound observations of human nature upon which Elie Magus based his feeling of security, for secure he felt; he left home without misgivings, slept with both ears shut, and feared no attempt upon his daughter (his chief treasure), his pictures, or his money. In the first place, Abramko’s salary was increased every year by two hundred francs so long as his master should live; and Magus, moreover, was training Abramko as a money-lender in a small way. Abramko never admitted anybody until he had surveyed them through a formidable grated opening. He was a Hercules for strength, he worshiped Elie Magus, as Sancho Panza worshiped Don Quixote. All day long the dogs were shut up without food; at nightfall Abramko let them loose; and by a cunning device the old Jew kept each animal at his post in the courtyard or the garden by hanging a piece of meat just out of reach on the top of a pole. The animals guarded the house, and sheer hunger guarded the dogs. No odor that reached their nostrils could tempt them from the neighborhood of that piece of meat; they would not have left their places at the foot of the poles for the most engaging female of the canine species. If a stranger by any chance intruded, the dogs suspected him of ulterior designs upon their rations, which were only taken down in the morning by Abramko himself when he awoke. The advantages of this fiendish scheme are patent. The animals never barked, Magus’ ingenuity had made savages of them; they were treacherous as Mohicans. And now for the result.
Behold the deep insights into human nature that Elie Magus relied on for his sense of security, and secure he felt; he left home without a worry, slept soundly, and had no fear for his daughter (his most valuable possession), his pictures, or his money. First of all, Abramko’s salary increased by two hundred francs every year as long as his master lived; and Magus was also grooming Abramko to be a small-time moneylender. Abramko only let people in after he had thoroughly assessed them through a strong barred opening. He was incredibly strong and admired Elie Magus like Sancho Panza admired Don Quixote. All day long, the dogs were locked up without food; at night, Abramko would let them loose. Using a clever trick, the old Jew kept each dog at its post in the courtyard or garden by hanging a piece of meat just out of reach on top of a pole. The dogs guarded the house, and sheer hunger kept them in position. No scent that reached their noses could lure them away from that piece of meat; they wouldn’t have moved from the base of the poles for the most attractive female dog. If a stranger happened to wander in, the dogs would suspect him of having ulterior motives regarding their food, which was only given to them in the morning by Abramko himself when he woke up. The benefits of this wicked plan are clear. The animals never barked; Magus's cleverness had turned them into savages; they were as treacherous as Mohicans. And now for the outcome.
One night burglars, emboldened by the silence, decided too hastily that it would be easy enough to “clean out” the old Jew’s strong box. One of their number told off to advance to the assault scrambled up the garden wall and prepared to descend. This the bull-dog allowed him to do. The animal, knowing perfectly well what was coming, waited for the burglar to reach the ground; but when that gentleman directed a kick at him, the bull-dog flew at the visitor’s shins, and, making but one bite of it, snapped the ankle-bone clean in two. The thief had the courage to tear him away, and returned, walking upon the bare bone of the mutilated stump till he reached the rest of the gang, when he fell fainting, and they carried him off. The Police News, of course, did not fail to report this delightful night incident, but no one believed in it.
One night, some burglars, feeling confident in the quiet, made the rash decision that it would be easy to “clean out” the old Jew’s safe. One of them was tasked with going ahead and climbed over the garden wall to get down. The bulldog let him do this. The dog, fully aware of what was about to happen, waited for the burglar to touch the ground; but when the burglar kicked at him, the bulldog lunged at the guy’s shins and, with one bite, snapped the ankle bone clean in two. The thief had the guts to pull the dog off and hobbled back on the bare bone until he reached the rest of his crew, at which point he collapsed, and they had to carry him away. The Police News, of course, didn’t miss reporting this entertaining nighttime event, but no one believed it.
Magus at this time was seventy-five years old, and there was no reason why he should not live to a hundred. Rich man though he was, he lived like the Remonencqs. His necessary expenses, including the money he lavished on his daughter, did not exceed three thousand francs. No life could be more regular; the old man rose as soon as it was light, breakfasted on bread rubbed with a clove of garlic, and ate no more food until dinner-time. Dinner, a meal frugal enough for a convent, he took at home. All the forenoons he spent among his treasures, walking up and down the gallery where they hung in their glory. He would dust everything himself, furniture and pictures; he never wearied of admiring. Then he would go downstairs to his daughter, drink deep of a father’s happiness, and start out upon his walks through Paris, to attend sales or visit exhibitions and the like.
Magus was seventy-five years old at this point, and there was no reason he shouldn't live to a hundred. Even though he was wealthy, he lived like the Remonencqs. His necessary expenses, including the money he spent on his daughter, didn’t go beyond three thousand francs. His life was incredibly regular; the old man woke up as soon as it was light, had breakfast with bread rubbed with a clove of garlic, and didn't eat again until dinner. Dinner, a meal simple enough for a convent, was taken at home. He spent every morning among his treasures, walking back and forth in the gallery where they hung proudly. He dusted everything himself—furniture and pictures alike—and never got tired of admiring them. Afterward, he would go downstairs to see his daughter, savoring a father’s happiness, and then head out for walks through Paris to attend sales or visit exhibitions and the like.
If Elie Magus found a great work of art under the right conditions, the discovery put new life into the man; here was a bit of sharp practice, a bargain to make, a battle of Marengo to win. He would pile ruse on ruse to buy the new sultana as cheaply as possible. Magus had a map of Europe on which all great pictures were marked; his co-religionists in every city spied out business for him, and received a commission on the purchase. And then, what rewards for all his pains! The two lost Raphaels so earnestly sought after by Raphael lovers are both in his collection. Elie Magus owns the original portrait of Giorgione’s Mistress, the woman for whom the painter died; the so-called originals are merely copies of the famous picture, which is worth five hundred thousand francs, according to its owner’s estimation. This Jew possesses Titian’s masterpiece, an Entombment painted for Charles V., sent by the great man to the great Emperor with a holograph letter, now fastened down upon the lower part of the canvas. And Magus has yet another Titian, the original sketch from which all the portraits of Philip II. were painted. His remaining ninety-seven pictures are all of the same rank and distinction. Wherefore Magus laughs at our national collection, raked by the sunlight which destroys the fairest paintings, pouring in through panes of glass that act as lenses. Picture galleries can only be lighted from above; Magus opens and closes his shutters himself; he is as careful of his pictures as of his daughter, his second idol. And well the old picture-fancier knows the laws of the lives of pictures. To hear him talk, a great picture has a life of its own; it is changeable, it takes its beauty from the color of the light. Magus talks of his paintings as Dutch fanciers used to talk of their tulips; he will come home on purpose to see some one picture in the hour of its glory, when the light is bright and clean.
If Elie Magus found an amazing piece of art under the right circumstances, the discovery reinvigorated him; it was an opportunity for clever negotiating, a deal to strike, a challenge to conquer. He would stack trick after trick to buy the new treasure as cheaply as possible. Magus had a map of Europe that marked all the great artworks; his fellow collectors in every city scouted opportunities for him and earned a commission on the sale. And then, what rewards for all his efforts! The two lost Raphaels that fans have been desperately searching for are both in his collection. Elie Magus owns the original portrait of Giorgione’s Mistress, the woman for whom the artist died; the so-called originals are just copies of the well-known painting, which is valued at five hundred thousand francs, based on its owner’s assessment. This Jew owns Titian’s masterpiece, an Entombment created for Charles V., sent by the great artist to the emperor with a handwritten letter, now affixed to the lower portion of the canvas. Magus has yet another Titian, the original sketch used for all the portraits of Philip II. His remaining ninety-seven pieces are all of the same high caliber. That's why Magus scoffs at our national collection, exposed to sunlight that damages the finest artworks, pouring in through windows that act as magnifying glasses. Art galleries can only be lit from above; Magus personally opens and closes his shutters; he is as protective of his artworks as he is of his daughter, his second prized possession. And the seasoned art lover knows the life cycle of paintings all too well. Listening to him speak, it seems a great artwork has a life of its own; it’s changeable, taking its beauty from the quality of the light. Magus speaks about his paintings as Dutch collectors once talked about their tulips; he will even come home just to see a particular piece at the perfect moment, when the light is vibrant and clear.
And Magus himself was a living picture among the motionless figures on the wall—a little old man, dressed in a shabby overcoat, a silk waistcoat, renewed twice in a score of years, and a very dirty pair of trousers, with a bald head, a face full of deep hollows, a wrinkled, callous skin, a beard that had a trick of twitching its long white bristles, a menacing pointed chin, a toothless mouth, eyes bright as the eyes of his dogs in the yard, and a nose like an obelisk—there he stood in his gallery smiling at the beauty called into being by genius. A Jew surrounded by his millions will always be one of the finest spectacles which humanity can give. Robert Medal, our great actor, cannot rise to this height of poetry, sublime though he is.
And Magus himself was a living image among the still figures on the wall—a little old man in a worn-out overcoat, a silk vest that had been replaced twice in twenty years, and a very dirty pair of pants, with a bald head, a face full of deep hollows, wrinkled, rough skin, a beard that had a habit of twitching its long white hairs, a sharp, pointed chin, a toothless mouth, eyes as bright as those of the dogs in the yard, and a nose like an obelisk—there he stood in his gallery, smiling at the beauty created by genius. A Jew surrounded by his millions will always be one of the most fascinating sights humanity can offer. Robert Medal, our great actor, can't reach this level of poetry, impressive as he is.
Paris of all the cities of the world holds most of such men as Magus, strange beings with a strange religion in their heart of hearts. The London “eccentric” always finds that worship, like life, brings weariness and satiety in the end; the Parisian monomaniac lives cheerfully in concubinage with his crotchet to the last.
Paris, more than any other city in the world, is home to many individuals like Magus—unique people with an unusual belief system in their innermost feelings. The eccentric in London eventually discovers that worship, much like life, leads to fatigue and boredom in the end; meanwhile, the Parisian who is obsessed happily coexists with his peculiar interests until the very end.
Often shall you meet in Paris some Pons, some Elie Magus, dressed badly enough, with his face turned from the rising sun (like the countenance of the perpetual secretary of the Academie), apparently heeding nothing, conscious of nothing, paying no attention to shop-windows nor to fair passers-by, walking at random, so to speak, with nothing in his pockets, and to all appearance an equally empty head. Do you ask to what Parisian tribe this manner of man belongs? He is a collector, a millionaire, one of the most impassioned souls upon earth; he and his like are capable of treading the miry ways that lead to the police-court if so they may gain possession of a cup, a picture, or some such rare unpublished piece as Elie Magus once picked up one memorable day in Germany.
You’ll often see in Paris some Pons, some Elie Magus, dressed poorly enough, with their faces turned away from the rising sun (like the expression of the perpetual secretary of the Academie), apparently ignoring everything, aware of nothing, paying no attention to shop windows or attractive passersby, wandering aimlessly, so to speak, with nothing in their pockets and seemingly just as empty-headed. Are you wondering which Parisian group this type of person belongs to? They’re collectors, millionaires, some of the most passionate souls on earth; they and others like them are willing to walk the muddy paths that lead to the police court just to acquire a cup, a painting, or some rare unpublished piece like the one Elie Magus once found on a memorable day in Germany.
This was the expert to whom Remonencq with much mystery conducted La Cibot. Remonencq always asked advice of Elie Magus when he met him in the streets; and more than once Magus had lent him money through Abramko, knowing Remonencq’s honesty. The Chaussee des Minimes is close to the Rue de Normandie, and the two fellow-conspirators reached the house in ten minutes.
This was the expert whom Remonencq brought La Cibot to with a lot of secrecy. Remonencq always sought advice from Elie Magus whenever he saw him in the streets; and more than once, Magus had lent him money through Abramko, trusting Remonencq’s integrity. The Chaussee des Minimes is near the Rue de Normandie, and the two partners in crime arrived at the house in ten minutes.
“You will see the richest dealer in curiosities, the greatest connoisseur in Paris,” Remonencq had said. And Mme. Cibot, therefore, was struck dumb with amazement to be confronted with a little old man in a great-coat too shabby for Cibot to mend, standing watching a painter at work upon an old picture in the chilly room on the vast ground floor. The old man’s eyes, full of cold feline malignance, were turned upon her, and La Cibot shivered.
“You’ll meet the richest curiosity dealer, the best connoisseur in Paris,” Remonencq had said. So, Mme. Cibot was left speechless with shock when she saw a little old man in a coat so worn that Cibot couldn’t even fix it, standing there watching a painter work on an old picture in the cold room on the large ground floor. The old man’s eyes, full of cold, cat-like malice, were fixed on her, and La Cibot shivered.
“What do you want, Remonencq?” asked this person.
“What do you want, Remonencq?” this person asked.
“It is a question of valuing some pictures; there is nobody but you in Paris who can tell a poor tinker-fellow like me how much he may give when he has not thousands to spend, like you.”
“It’s a matter of valuing some pictures; there’s no one but you in Paris who can tell a struggling guy like me how much I can spend when I don’t have thousands to blow, like you do.”
“Where is it?”
“Where is it?”
“Here is the portress of the house where the gentleman lives; she does for him, and I have arranged with her—”
“Here is the housekeeper of the place where the gentleman lives; she takes care of him, and I've made arrangements with her—”
“Who is the owner?”
“Who owns this?”
“M. Pons!” put in La Cibot.
“M. Pons!” chimed in La Cibot.
“Don’t know the name,” said Magus, with an innocent air, bringing down his foot very gently upon his artist’s toes.
“Don’t know the name,” said Magus, with an innocent look, stepping lightly on his artist’s toes.
Moret the painter, knowing the value of Pons’ collection, had looked up suddenly at the name. It was a move too hazardous to try with any one but Remonencq and La Cibot, but the Jew had taken the woman’s measure at sight, and his eye was as accurate as a jeweler’s scales. It was impossible that either of the couple should know how often Magus and old Pons had matched their claws. And, in truth, both rabid amateurs were jealous of each other. The old Jew had never hoped for a sight of a seraglio so carefully guarded; it seemed to him that his head was swimming. Pons’ collection was the one private collection in Paris which could vie with his own. Pons’ idea had occurred to Magus twenty years later; but as a dealer-amateur the door of Pons’ museum had been closed to him, as for Dusommerard. Pons and Magus had at heart the same jealousy. Neither of them cared about the kind of celebrity dear to the ordinary collector. And now for Elie Magus came his chance to see the poor musician’s treasures! An amateur of beauty hiding in a boudoir or a stolen glance at a mistress concealed from him by his friend might feel as Elie Magus felt at that moment.
Moret the painter, aware of the value of Pons’ collection, suddenly glanced at the name. It was too risky to attempt this with anyone except Remonencq and La Cibot, but the Jew had assessed the woman instantly, and his judgment was as precise as a jeweler’s scales. There was no way either of the couple could know how often Magus and old Pons had clashed over their collections. In fact, both eager collectors were envious of each other. The old Jew had never expected to see a collection so tightly guarded; it felt to him like he was dizzy. Pons’ collection was the only private collection in Paris that could compare to his own. Pons’ idea had come to Magus twenty years later; but as a dealer-collector, the door to Pons’ museum had been shut to him, just like it had been for Dusommerard. Pons and Magus shared the same jealousy deep down. Neither was interested in the kind of fame cherished by typical collectors. And now, Elie Magus had his chance to see the poor musician’s treasures! An admirer of beauty hiding in a boudoir or stealing a glance at a mistress kept from him by his friend might feel just like Elie Magus felt at that moment.
La Cibot was impressed by Remonencq’s respect for this singular person; real power, moreover, even when it cannot be explained, is always felt; the portress was supple and obedient, she dropped the autocratic tone which she was wont to use in her lodge and with the tenants, accepted Magus’ conditions, and agreed to admit him into Pons’ museum that very day.
La Cibot was impressed by Remonencq’s respect for this unique person; real power, even when it can’t be explained, is always felt. The portress was flexible and compliant, she dropped the authoritative tone she usually used in her lodge and with the tenants, accepted Magus’ conditions, and agreed to let him into Pons’ museum that very day.
So the enemy was to be brought into the citadel, and a stab dealt to Pons’ very heart. For ten years Pons had carried his keys about with him; he had forbidden La Cibot to allow any one, no matter whom, to cross his threshold; and La Cibot had so far shared Schmucke’s opinions of bric-a-brac, that she had obeyed him. The good Schmucke, by speaking of the splendors as “chimcracks,” and deploring his friend’s mania, had taught La Cibot to despise the old rubbish, and so secured Pons’ museum from invasion for many a long year.
So the enemy was to be brought into the citadel, and a blow struck at Pons’ very heart. For ten years, Pons had carried his keys with him; he had instructed La Cibot to prevent anyone, no matter who, from crossing his threshold; and La Cibot had so far shared Schmucke’s views on bric-a-brac, that she had followed his instructions. The good Schmucke, by referring to the treasures as “junk,” and lamenting his friend’s obsession, had taught La Cibot to look down on the old clutter, thereby protecting Pons’ collection from intrusion for many years.
When Pons took to his bed, Schmucke filled his place at the theatre and gave lessons for him at his boarding-schools. He did his utmost to do the work of two; but Pons’ sorrows weighing heavily upon his mind, the task took all his strength. He only saw his friend in the morning, and again at dinnertime. His pupils and the people at the theatre, seeing the poor German look so unhappy, used to ask for news of Pons; and so great was his grief, that the indifferent would make the grimaces of sensibility which Parisians are wont to reserve for the greatest calamities. The very springs of life had been attacked, the good German was suffering from Pons’ pain as well as from his own. When he gave a music lesson, he spent half the time in talking of Pons, interrupting himself to wonder whether his friend felt better to-day, and the little school-girls listening heard lengthy explanations of Pons’ symptoms. He would rush over to the Rue de Normandie in the interval between two lessons for the sake of a quarter of an hour with Pons.
When Pons went to bed, Schmucke took his place at the theater and taught his classes at his boarding schools. He did everything he could to manage both roles, but Pons’ troubles weighed heavily on his mind, making the task exhausting. He only saw his friend in the morning and again at dinnertime. His students and the people at the theater, noticing how unhappy the poor German looked, would ask for news about Pons; his sorrow was so apparent that even the indifferent would make sympathetic faces, which Parisians usually reserve for the worst tragedies. The very essence of life had been shaken; the good German was suffering from Pons’ pain as well as his own. When he taught a music lesson, he spent half the time talking about Pons, often pausing to wonder if his friend felt any better that day, and the little schoolgirls listening got lengthy explanations about Pons’ symptoms. He would race over to Rue de Normandie during the break between lessons just to have a quick fifteen minutes with Pons.
When at last he saw that their common stock was almost exhausted, when Mme. Cibot (who had done her best to swell the expenses of the illness) came to him and frightened him; then the old music-master felt that he had courage of which he never thought himself capable—courage that rose above his anguish. For the first time in his life he set himself to earn money; money was needed at home. One of the school-girl pupils, really touched by their troubles, asked Schmucke how he could leave his friend alone. “Montemoiselle,” he answered, with the sublime smile of those who think no evil, “ve haf Montame Zipod, ein dreasure, montemoiselle, ein bearl! Bons is nursed like ein brince.”
When he finally realized that their savings were nearly gone, and when Mme. Cibot (who had done everything she could to drive up the medical costs) came to him and scared him, the old music teacher discovered a bravery he never knew he had—bravery that overcame his anguish. For the first time in his life, he decided to earn money; they needed it at home. One of the female students, genuinely affected by their struggles, asked Schmucke how he could leave his friend alone. “Miss,” he replied, with the innocent smile of someone who thinks no ill, “we have Madame Cibot, a treasure, miss, a bear! She is cared for like a prince.”
So while Schmucke trotted about the streets, La Cibot was mistress of the house and ruled the invalid. How should Pons superintend his self-appointed guardian angel, when he had taken no solid food for a fortnight, and lay there so weak and helpless that La Cibot was obliged to lift him up and carry him to the sofa while she made the bed?
So while Schmucke walked around the streets, La Cibot was in charge of the house and took care of the sick man. How could Pons oversee his self-appointed guardian angel when he hadn’t eaten solid food for two weeks and was so weak and helpless that La Cibot had to lift him and carry him to the sofa while she made the bed?
La Cibot’s visit to Elie Magus was paid (as might be expected) while Schmucke breakfasted. She came in again just as the German was bidding his friend good-bye; for since she learned that Pons possessed a fortune, she never left the old bachelor; she brooded over him and his treasures like a hen. From the depths of a comfortable easy-chair at the foot of the bed she poured forth for Pons’ delectation the gossip in which women of her class excel. With Machiavelian skill, she had contrived to make Pons think that she was indispensable to him; she coaxed and she wheedled, always uneasy, always on the alert. Mme. Fontaine’s prophecy had frightened La Cibot; she vowed to herself that she would gain her ends by kindness. She would sleep secure on M. Pons’ legacy, but her rascality should keep within the limits of the law. For ten years she had not suspected the value of Pons’ collection; she had a clear record behind her of ten years of devotion, honesty, and disinterestedness; it was a magnificent investment, and now she proposed to realize. In one day, Remonencq’s hint of money had hatched the serpent’s egg, the craving for riches that had lain dormant within her for twenty years. Since she had cherished that craving, it had grown in force with the ferment of all the evil that lurks in the corners of the heart. How she acted upon the counsels whispered by the serpent will presently be seen.
La Cibot's visit to Elie Magus happened (as you might expect) while Schmucke was having breakfast. She came back in just as the German was saying goodbye to his friend; ever since she found out that Pons had a fortune, she never left the old bachelor. She hovered over him and his treasures like a hen. From the comfort of a cozy armchair at the foot of the bed, she shared with Pons all the gossip that women like her excel at. With Machiavellian skill, she managed to make Pons believe that she was essential to him; she coaxed and flattered him, always anxious and on guard. Mme. Fontaine’s prophecy had frightened La Cibot; she promised herself that she would achieve her goals through kindness. She wanted to feel secure with M. Pons’ inheritance, but her scheming would stay within the boundaries of the law. For ten years, she hadn’t realized the value of Pons’ collection; she had a clean record of ten years filled with devotion, honesty, and selflessness; it was an impressive investment, and now she planned to cash in. In a single day, Remonencq’s suggestion of money awakened the serpent’s egg, the desire for wealth that had been dormant in her for twenty years. As she nurtured that desire, it intensified with the brewing of all the dark feelings that hide in the corners of the heart. How she acted on the whispers of the serpent will soon be revealed.
“Well?” she asked of Schmucke, “has this cherub of ours had plenty to drink? Is he better?”
“Well?” she asked Schmucke, “has our little angel had enough to drink? Is he doing better?”
“He is not doing fery vell, tear Montame Zipod, not fery vell,” said poor Schmucke, brushing away the tears from his eyes.
“He's not doing very well, dear Montame Zipod, not very well,” said poor Schmucke, wiping away the tears from his eyes.
“Pooh! you make too much of it, my dear M. Schmucke; we must take things as we find them; Cibot might be at death’s door, and I should not take it to heart as you do. Come! the cherub has a good constitution. And he has been steady, it seems, you see; you have no idea what an age sober people live. He is very ill, it is true, but with all the care I take of him, I shall bring him round. Be easy, look after your affairs, I will keep him company and see that he drinks his pints of barley water.”
“Come on, you’re overreacting, my dear M. Schmucke; we have to deal with things as they are. Cibot could be on his last legs, and I wouldn’t worry about it like you do. Look! The kid has a strong constitution. And it turns out he’s been pretty steady; you wouldn’t believe how long sober people can live. He is really sick, it’s true, but with all the care I’m giving him, I’ll get him back on his feet. Don’t worry, focus on your own matters, I’ll keep him company and make sure he drinks his barley water.”
“Gif you vere not here, I should die of anxiety—” said Schmucke, squeezing his kind housekeeper’s hand in both his own to express his confidence in her.
“If you weren’t here, I’d die of anxiety—” said Schmucke, squeezing his kind housekeeper’s hand in both of his to show his trust in her.
La Cibot wiped her eyes as she went back to the invalid’s room.
La Cibot wiped her eyes as she returned to the patient's room.
“What is the matter, Mme. Cibot?” asked Pons.
“What’s wrong, Mme. Cibot?” asked Pons.
“It is M. Schmucke that has upset me; he is crying as if you were dead,” said she. “If you are not well, you are not so bad yet that nobody need cry over you; but it has given me such a turn! Oh dear! oh dear! how silly it is of me to get so fond of people, and to think more of you than of Cibot! For, after all, you aren’t nothing to me, you are only my brother by Adam’s side; and yet, whenever you are in the question, it puts me in such a taking, upon my word it does! I would cut off my hand—my left hand, of course—to see you coming and going, eating your meals, and screwing bargains out of dealers as usual. If I had had a child of my own, I think I should have loved it as I love you, eh! There, take a drink, dearie; come now, empty the glass. Drink it off, monsieur, I tell you! The first thing Dr. Poulain said was, ‘If M. Pons has no mind to go to Pere Lachaise, he ought to drink as many buckets full of water in a day as an Auvergnat will sell.’ So, come now, drink—”
“It’s M. Schmucke who has upset me; he’s crying like you’re dead,” she said. “If you’re not feeling well, you’re not bad enough that nobody needs to cry over you; but it has really shaken me! Oh dear! oh dear! how silly of me to get so attached to people, and to care more about you than Cibot! After all, you’re not really anything to me, just my brother by Adam’s side; yet, whenever you come up, it really gets to me, I swear! I would cut off my hand—my left hand, of course—to see you coming and going, eating your meals, and haggling with dealers like usual. If I had a child of my own, I think I would love it just as much as I love you, right? Here, have a drink, dearie; come on, finish the glass. Drink it up, monsieur, I’m telling you! The first thing Dr. Poulain said was, ‘If M. Pons doesn’t want to go to Pere Lachaise, he should drink as many buckets of water a day as an Auvergnat would sell.’ So, come on, drink—”
“But I do drink, Cibot, my good woman; I drink and drink till I am deluged—”
“But I do drink, Cibot, my good woman; I drink and drink until I’m completely soaked—”
“That is right,” said the portress, as she took away the empty glass. “That is the way to get better. Dr. Poulain had another patient ill of your complaint; but he had nobody to look after him, his children left him to himself, and he died because he didn’t drink enough—so you must drink, honey, you see—he died and they buried him two months ago. And if you were to die, you know, you would drag down old M. Schmucke with you, sir. He is like a child. Ah! he loves you, he does, the dear lamb of a man; no woman never loved a man like that! He doesn’t care for meat nor drink; he has grown as thin as you are in the last fortnight, and you are nothing but skin and bones.—It makes me jealous to see it, for I am very fond of you; but not to that degree; I haven’t lost my appetite, quite the other way; always going up and down stairs, till my legs are so tired that I drop down of an evening like a lump of lead. Here am I neglecting my poor Cibot for you; Mlle. Remonencq cooks his victuals for him, and he goes on about it and says that nothing is right! At that I tell him that one ought to put up with something for the sake of other people, and that you are so ill that I cannot leave you. In the first place, you can’t afford a nurse. And before I would have a nurse here!—I have done for you these ten years; they want wine and sugar, and foot-warmers, and all sorts of comforts. And they rob their patients unless the patients leave them something in their wills. Have a nurse in here to-day, and to-morrow we should find a picture or something or other gone—”
“That's right,” said the porter as she took away the empty glass. “That’s how to get better. Dr. Poulain had another patient with your issue; but he had no one to take care of him, his kids left him alone, and he died because he didn’t drink enough—so you need to drink, dear, you see—he passed away and they buried him two months ago. And if you were to die, you know, it would drag down old M. Schmucke with you, sir. He’s like a child. Ah! he loves you, he really does, that dear man; no woman has ever loved a man like that! He doesn’t care about food or drink; he's become as thin as you are in the last two weeks, and you're nothing but skin and bones. It makes me jealous to see it, because I care a lot about you; but not to that extent; I haven’t lost my appetite, quite the opposite; I’m always running up and down stairs until my legs are so tired that I drop down in the evening like a lump of lead. Here I am neglecting my poor Cibot for you; Mlle. Remonencq cooks for him, and he complains that nothing is right! To that, I tell him that one should tolerate some things for the sake of others, and that you are so sick that I can’t leave you. First of all, you can’t afford a nurse. And before I let a nurse come in here!—I've taken care of you for ten years; they want wine and sugar, and foot warmers, and all sorts of comforts. And they rob their patients unless the patients leave them something in their wills. If we had a nurse here today, by tomorrow we would find a picture or something else gone—”
“Oh! Mme. Cibot!” cried Pons, quite beside himself, “do not leave me! No one must touch anything—”
“Oh! Mrs. Cibot!” Pons exclaimed, completely overwhelmed, “don’t leave me! No one should touch anything—”
“I am here,” said La Cibot; “so long as I have the strength I shall be here.—Be easy. There was Dr. Poulain wanting to get a nurse for you; perhaps he has his eye on your treasures. I just snubbed him, I did. ‘The gentleman won’t have any one but me,’ I told him. ‘He is used to me, and I am used to him.’ So he said no more. A nurse, indeed! They are all thieves; I hate that sort of woman, I do. Here is a tale that will show you how sly they are. There was once an old gentleman—it was Dr. Poulain himself, mind you, who told me this—well, a Mme. Sabatier, a woman of thirty-six that used to sell slippers at the Palais Royal—you remember the Galerie at the Palais that they pulled down?”
“I’m here,” said La Cibot; “as long as I have the strength, I’ll be here. Don’t worry. Dr. Poulain was looking for a nurse for you; maybe he’s got his eye on your valuables. I put him in his place, I did. ‘This gentleman won’t have anyone but me,’ I told him. ‘He’s used to me, and I’m used to him.’ So he dropped it. A nurse, really! They’re all thieves; I can’t stand that kind of woman. Here’s a story that’ll show you how sneaky they are. There was once an old gentleman—it was Dr. Poulain himself who told me this—well, there was a Mme. Sabatier, a woman of thirty-six who used to sell slippers at the Palais Royal—you remember the Galerie at the Palais that they tore down?”
Pons nodded.
Pons nodded.
“Well, at that time she had not done very well; her husband used to drink, and died of spontaneous imbustion; but she had been a fine woman in her time, truth to tell, not that it did her any good, though she had friends among the lawyers. So, being hard up, she became a monthly nurse, and lived in the Rue Barre-du-Bec. Well, she went out to nurse an old gentleman that had a disease of the lurinary guts (saving your presence); they used to tap him like an artesian well, and he needed such care that she used to sleep on a truckle-bed in the same room with him. You would hardly believe such a thing!—‘Men respect nothing,’ you’ll tell me, ‘so selfish as they are.’ Well, she used to talk with him, you understand; she never left him, she amused him, she told him stories, she drew him on to talk (just as we are chatting away together now, you and I, eh?), and she found out that his nephews—the old gentleman had nephews—that his nephews were wretches; they had worried him, and final end of it, they had brought on this illness. Well, my dear sir, she saved his life, he married her, and they have a fine child; Ma’am Bordevin, the butcher’s wife in the Rue Charlot, a relative of hers, stood godmother. There is luck for you!
“Well, at that time she wasn't doing very well; her husband drank a lot and died from spontaneous combustion. But she had been a great woman in her day, to be honest, though that didn't help her, even with friends in the legal profession. So, when money got tight, she became a monthly nurse and lived on Rue Barre-du-Bec. She ended up taking care of an elderly man who had a urinary tract issue (no offense intended); they had to drain him like an artesian well, and he needed so much care that she actually slept on a trundle bed in the same room with him. You wouldn't believe it!—‘Men respect nothing,’ you might say, ‘they're so selfish.’ But she would talk to him, you see; she was always there, keeping him company, telling him stories, encouraging him to talk (just like we’re chatting now, you and I, right?). She discovered that his nephews—the old gentleman had nephews—were really awful; they had troubled him so much that they ended up causing his illness. Well, my dear sir, she saved his life; he married her, and they have a lovely child. Ma’am Bordevin, the butcher’s wife on Rue Charlot, who’s a relative of hers, was the godmother. There’s some good fortune for you!
“As for me, I am married; and if I have no children, I don’t mind saying that it is Cibot’s fault; he is too fond of me, but if I cared—never mind. What would have become of me and my Cibot if we had had a family, when we have not a penny to bless ourselves with after thirty years’ of faithful service? I have not a farthing belonging to nobody else, that is what comforts me. I have never wronged nobody.—Look here, suppose now (there is no harm in supposing when you will be out and about again in six weeks’ time, and sauntering along the boulevard); well, suppose that you had put me down in your will; very good, I shouldn’t never rest till I had found your heirs and given the money back. Such is my horror of anything that is not earned by the sweat of my brow.
“As for me, I’m married; and if I don’t have kids, I’ll honestly say it’s Cibot’s fault; he’s too attached to me, but if I cared—never mind. What would have happened to me and my Cibot if we had a family, when we haven’t a dime to our names after thirty years of faithful service? I don’t have a cent that belongs to anyone else, and that’s what comforts me. I’ve never wronged anyone. —Look here, let’s suppose now (there’s no harm in supposing since you’ll be out and about again in six weeks’ time, strolling along the boulevard); well, suppose you had included me in your will; very good, I wouldn’t rest until I found your heirs and returned the money. I have such a strong aversion to anything that isn’t earned by my own hard work.”
“You will say to me, ‘Why, Mme. Cibot, why should you worry yourself like that? You have fairly earned the money; you looked after your two gentlemen as if they had been your children; you saved them a thousand francs a year—’ (for there are plenty, sir, you know, that would have had their ten thousand francs put out to interest by now if they had been in my place)—‘so if the worthy gentleman leaves you a trifle of an annuity, it is only right.’—Suppose they told me that. Well, now; I am not thinking of myself.—I cannot think how some women can do a kindness thinking of themselves all the time. It is not doing good, sir, is it? I do not go to church myself, I haven’t the time; but my conscience tells me what is right.... Don’t you fidget like that, my lamb!—Don’t scratch yourself!... Dear me, how yellow you grow! So yellow you are—quite brown. How funny it is that one can come to look like a lemon in three weeks!... Honesty is all that poor folk have, and one must surely have something! Suppose that you were just at death’s door, I should be the first to tell you that you ought to leave all that you have to M. Schmucke. It is your duty, for he is all the family you have. He loves you, he does, as a dog loves his master.”
“You might ask me, ‘Why, Mme. Cibot, why are you stressing over this? You’ve earned that money; you cared for your two gentlemen like they were your own kids; you saved them a thousand francs a year—’ (because there are plenty, sir, you know, who would have had their ten thousand francs earning interest by now if they were in my position)—‘so if the good gentleman leaves you a little annuity, it’s only fair.’—Let’s say they said that. Well, honestly, I’m not thinking about myself.—I can’t understand how some women can do something nice while only thinking about themselves. That’s not really being kind, is it? I don’t go to church myself; I don’t have the time, but my conscience tells me what’s right.... Don’t squirm like that, my dear!—Stop scratching!... Goodness, you’re turning so yellow! You’re so yellow—almost brown. It’s funny how someone can start to look like a lemon in just three weeks!... Honesty is all that poor people have, and surely we need something! If you were at death’s door, I’d be the first to tell you that you should leave everything to M. Schmucke. It’s your duty, because he’s all the family you have. He loves you, he really does, like a dog loves his owner.”
“Ah! yes,” said Pons; “nobody else has ever loved me all my life long—”
“Ah! yes,” said Pons; “no one else has ever loved me my whole life—”
“Ah! that is not kind of you, sir,” said Mme. Cibot; “then I do not love you, I suppose?”
“Ah! that’s not very kind of you, sir,” said Mme. Cibot; “so I guess that means I don’t love you, right?”
“I do not say so, my dear Mme. Cibot.”
“I’m not saying that, my dear Mme. Cibot.”
“Good. You take me for a servant, do you, a common servant, as if I hadn’t no heart! Goodness me! for eleven years you do for two old bachelors, you think of nothing but their comfort. I have turned half a score of greengrocers’ shops upside down for you, I have talked people round to get you good Brie cheese; I have gone down as far as the market for fresh butter for you; I have taken such care of things that nothing of yours hasn’t been chipped nor broken in all these ten years; I have just treated you like my own children; and then to hear a ‘My dear Mme. Cibot,’ that shows that there is not a bit of feeling for you in the heart of an old gentleman that you have cared for like a king’s son! for the little King of Rome was not so well looked after. He died in his prime; there is proof for you.... Come, sir, you are unjust! You are ungrateful! It is because I am only a poor portress. Goodness me! are you one of those that think we are dogs?—”
“Good. You think I’m just a servant, a common servant, as if I didn’t have any feelings! Seriously! For eleven years, you’ve been so focused on taking care of two old bachelors and their comfort. I’ve rummaged through at least a dozen greengrocers’ shops for you, I’ve convinced people to get you good Brie cheese; I’ve gone all the way to the market for fresh butter for you; I’ve taken such good care of things that nothing of yours has been chipped or broken in all these ten years; I’ve treated you like my own children; and then to hear a ‘My dear Mme. Cibot,’ that shows there’s not an ounce of gratitude in the heart of an old gentleman whom you’ve cared for like a king’s son! Even the little King of Rome wasn’t looked after as well. He died young; that’s proof for you… Come on, sir, you’re being unfair! You’re ungrateful! It’s just because I’m only a poor concierge. Seriously! Are you one of those who think we’re dogs?”
“But, my dear Mme. Cibot—”
“But, my dear Mrs. Cibot—”
“Indeed, you that know so much, tell me why we porters are treated like this, and are supposed to have no feelings; people look down on us in these days when they talk of Equality!—As for me, am I not as good as another woman, I that was one of the finest women in Paris, and was called La belle Ecaillere, and received declarations seven or eight times a day? And even now if I liked—Look here, sir, you know that little scrubby marine store-dealer downstairs? Very well, he would marry me any day, if I were a widow that is, with his eyes shut; he has had them looking wide open in my direction so often; he is always saying, ‘Oh! what fine arms you have, Ma’am Cibot!—I dreamed last night that it was bread and I was butter, and I was spread on the top.’ Look, sir, there is an arm!”
“Honestly, you who know so much, tell me why we porters are treated like this, as if we have no feelings; people look down on us nowadays when they talk about Equality! As for me, am I not as good as any other woman? I was one of the finest women in Paris, called La belle Ecaillere, and I received proposals seven or eight times a day! And even now, if I wanted to—Look, sir, you know that little scruffy marine store dealer downstairs? He would marry me any day, if I were a widow, that is, with his eyes shut; he has had his eyes wide open in my direction so often. He is always saying, ‘Oh! what fine arms you have, Ma’am Cibot!—I dreamed last night that it was bread and I was butter, and I was spread on the top.’ Look, sir, there’s an arm!”
She rolled up her sleeve and displayed the shapeliest arm imaginable, as white and fresh as her hand was red and rough; a plump, round, dimpled arm, drawn from its merino sheath like a blade from the scabbard to dazzle Pons, who looked away.
She rolled up her sleeve and showed off the most shapely arm you could imagine, as white and smooth as her hand was red and rough; a plump, round, dimpled arm, revealed from its merino sleeve like a blade from its sheath to impress Pons, who looked away.
“For every oyster the knife opened, the arm has opened a heart! Well, it belongs to Cibot, and I did wrong when I neglected him, poor dear, HE would throw himself over a precipice at a word from me; while you, sir, that call me ‘My dear Mme. Cibot’ when I do impossible things for you—”
“For every oyster the knife opened, the arm has opened a heart! Well, it belongs to Cibot, and I did wrong when I neglected him, poor dear, HE would throw himself over a cliff at a word from me; while you, sir, who call me ‘My dear Mme. Cibot’ when I do impossible things for you—”
“Do just listen to me,” broke in the patient; “I cannot call you my mother, nor my wife—”
“Just listen to me,” interrupted the patient; “I can’t call you my mother or my wife—”
“No, never in all my born days will I take again to anybody—”
“No, I will never again turn to anyone—”
“Do let me speak!” continued Pons. “Let me see; I put M. Schmucke first—”
“Please let me speak!” Pons continued. “Let me think; I put M. Schmucke first—”
“M. Schmucke! there is a heart for you,” cried La Cibot. “Ah! he loves me, but then he is poor. It is money that deadens the heart; and you are rich! Oh, well, take a nurse, you will see what a life she will lead you; she will torment you, you will be like a cockchafer on a string. The doctor will say that you must have plenty to drink, and she will do nothing but feed you. She will bring you to your grave and rob you. You do not deserve to have a Mme. Cibot!—there! When Dr. Poulain comes, ask him for a nurse.”
“M. Schmucke! Here’s a heart for you,” cried La Cibot. “Ah! he loves me, but he’s poor. It’s money that makes the heart numb; and you’re rich! Well, get yourself a nurse, and you’ll see the kind of life she’ll make you live; she’ll torment you, and you’ll feel like a bug on a string. The doctor will say you need to drink plenty, and she’ll just keep feeding you. She’ll lead you to your grave and take everything from you. You don’t deserve a Mme. Cibot!—there! When Dr. Poulain arrives, ask him for a nurse.”
“Oh fiddlestickend!” the patient cried angrily. “Will you listen to me? When I spoke of my friend Schmucke, I was not thinking of women. I know quite well that no one cares for me so sincerely as you do, you and Schmucke—”
“Oh, come on!” the patient shouted angrily. “Will you listen to me? When I mentioned my friend Schmucke, I wasn’t talking about women. I know very well that no one cares for me as sincerely as you do, you and Schmucke—”
“Have the goodness not to irritate yourself in this way!” exclaimed La Cibot, plunging down upon Pons and covering him by force with the bedclothes.
“Please don’t stress yourself out like this!” exclaimed La Cibot, diving onto Pons and forcefully covering him with the bedclothes.
“How should I not love you?” said poor Pons.
“How can I not love you?” said poor Pons.
“You love me, really?... There, there, forgive me, sir!” she said, crying and wiping her eyes. “Ah, yes, of course, you love me, as you love a servant, that is the way!—a servant to whom you throw an annuity of six hundred francs like a crust you fling into a dog’s kennel—”
“You really love me?... It’s okay, forgive me, sir!” she said, crying and wiping her eyes. “Oh yes, of course, you love me just like you love a servant—that’s how it is!—a servant you toss an annuity of six hundred francs to like a scrap you throw into a dog’s kennel—”
“Oh! Mme. Cibot,” cried Pons, “for what do you take me? You do not know me.”
“Oh! Mme. Cibot,” Pons exclaimed, “what do you think of me? You don’t really know me.”
“Ah! you will care even more than that for me,” she said, meeting Pons’ eyes. “You will love your kind old Cibot like a mother, will you not? A mother, that is it! I am your mother; you are both of you my children.... Ah, if I only knew them that caused you this sorrow, I would do that which would bring me into the police-courts, and even to prison; I would tear their eyes out! Such people deserve to die at the Barriere Saint-Jacques, and that is too good for such scoundrels. ... So kind, so good as you are (for you have a heart of gold), you were sent into the world to make some woman happy!... Yes, you would have her happy, as anybody can see; you were cut out for that. In the very beginning, when I saw how you were with M. Schmucke, I said to myself, ‘M. Pons has missed the life he was meant for; he was made to be a good husband.’ Come, now, you like women.”
“Ah! You care even more for me than that,” she said, meeting Pons’ eyes. “You love your kind old Cibot like a mother, don’t you? A mother, that’s it! I am your mother; you are both my children.... Ah, if only I knew who caused you this pain, I would do something that would land me in court, maybe even prison; I would tear their eyes out! People like that deserve to die at the Barriere Saint-Jacques, and that would be too good for those scoundrels. ... So kind, so good as you are (because you have a heart of gold), you were sent into the world to make some woman happy!... Yes, you would make her happy, as anyone can see; you were made for that. Right from the start, when I saw how you were with M. Schmucke, I thought to myself, ‘M. Pons has missed the life he was meant for; he was meant to be a good husband.’ Come on, now, you like women.”
“Ah, yes,” said Pons, “and no woman has been mine.”
“Ah, yes,” said Pons, “and no woman has ever been mine.”
“Really?” exclaimed La Cibot, with a provocative air as she came nearer and took Pons’ hand in hers. “Do you not know what it is to love a woman that will do anything for her lover? Is it possible? If I were in your place, I should not wish to leave this world for another until I had known the greatest happiness on earth!... Poor dear! If I was now what I was once, I would leave Cibot for you! upon my word, I would! Why, with a nose shaped like that—for you have a fine nose—how did you manage it, poor cherub?... You will tell me that ‘not every woman knows a man when she sees him’; and a pity it is that they marry so at random as they do, it makes you sorry to see it.—Now, for my own part, I should have thought that you had had mistresses by the dozen—dancers, actresses, and duchesses, for you went out so much. ... When you went out, I used to say to Cibot, ‘Look! there is M. Pons going a-gallivanting,’ on my word, I did, I was so sure that women ran after you. Heaven made you for love.... Why, my dear sir, I found that out the first day that you dined at home, and you were so touched with M. Schmucke’s pleasure. And next day M. Schmucke kept saying to me, ‘Montame Zipod, he haf tined hier,’ with the tears in his eyes, till I cried along with him like a fool, as I am. And how sad he looked when you took to gadding abroad again and dining out! Poor man, you never saw any one so disconsolate! Ah! you are quite right to leave everything to him. Dear worthy man, why he is as good as a family to you, he is! Do not forget him; for if you do, God will not receive you into his Paradise, for those that have been ungrateful to their friends and left them no rentes will not go to heaven.”
“Really?” La Cibot exclaimed, with a teasing tone as she moved closer and took Pons’ hand in hers. “Don't you know what it's like to love a woman who would do anything for her lover? Is that even possible? If I were you, I wouldn't want to leave this world for another until I had experienced the greatest happiness on earth!... Poor thing! If I were the person I used to be, I would choose you over Cibot! I swear, I would! With a nose like yours—it's a fine nose—how did you get it, poor darling?... You might say that ‘not every woman recognizes a man when she sees him,’ and it’s a shame that they marry so randomly, it’s heartbreaking to witness.—Now, for my part, I would have thought you had dozens of mistresses—dancers, actresses, duchesses—since you went out so much. ... When you did go out, I used to say to Cibot, ‘Look! There goes M. Pons off gallivanting,’ I truly did, I was so sure women were chasing after you. Heaven made you for love.... The first day you had dinner at home, I realized that when you saw how happy M. Schmucke was. The next day, M. Schmucke kept saying to me, ‘Montame Zipod, he haf tined hier,’ with tears in his eyes, until I was crying too like the fool I am. And how sad he looked when you went back to dining out and socializing! Poor man, you never saw anyone so heartbroken! Ah! You’re right to leave everything to him. That dear man, he’s as good as family to you! Don't forget him; if you do, God won't welcome you into His Paradise, because those who are ungrateful to their friends and leave them no rentes won’t make it to heaven.”
In vain Pons tried to put in a word; La Cibot talked as the wind blows. Means of arresting steam-engines have been invented, but it would tax a mechanician’s genius to discover any plan for stopping a portress’ tongue.
In vain did Pons try to get a word in; La Cibot talked like the wind. People have invented ways to stop steam engines, but it would take a brilliant mechanic to find a way to silence a doorkeeper’s tongue.
“I know what you mean,” continued she. “But it does not kill you, my dear gentleman, to make a will when you are out of health; and in your place I might not leave that poor dear alone, for fear that something might happen; he is like God Almighty’s lamb, he knows nothing about nothing, and I should not like him to be at the mercy of those sharks of lawyers and a wretched pack of relations. Let us see now, has one of them come here to see you in twenty years? And would you leave your property to them? Do you know, they say that all these things here are worth something.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” she replied. “But it won’t hurt you, my dear sir, to make a will when you’re not well; if I were you, I wouldn't want to leave that poor dear alone, just in case something happens. He’s like a lamb, completely unaware of everything, and I wouldn’t want him to be at the mercy of those lawyer sharks and a miserable bunch of relatives. Let’s think about it: has any of them come to see you in twenty years? And would you really leave your property to them? You know, they say all this stuff here is worth something.”
“Why, yes,” said Pons.
"Of course," said Pons.
“Remonencq, who deals in pictures, and knows that you are an amateur, says that he would be quite ready to pay you an annuity of thirty thousand francs so long as you live, to have the pictures afterwards. ... There is a change! If I were you, I should take it. Why, I thought he said it for a joke when he told me that. You ought to let M. Schmucke know the value of all those things, for he is a man that could be cheated like a child. He has not the slightest idea of the value of these fine things that you have! He so little suspects it, that he would give them away for a morsel of bread if he did not keep them all his life for love of you, always supposing that he lives after you, for he will die of your death. But I am here; I will take his part against anybody and everybody!... I and Cibot will defend him.”
“Remonencq, who sells paintings and knows you're an enthusiast, says he's willing to pay you a monthly allowance of thirty thousand francs for as long as you live, in exchange for the paintings afterwards. ... That's a change! If I were you, I would take it. Honestly, I thought he was joking when he mentioned that to me. You really should let M. Schmucke know the worth of all those items because he's someone who could be easily fooled. He has no clue about the value of the beautiful things you have! He suspects so little that he would give them away for a piece of bread if he didn't keep them all his life out of love for you, assuming he lives after you, because he'll likely die from your death. But I am here; I will stand by him against anyone and everyone!... Cibot and I will defend him.”
“Dear Mme. Cibot!” said Pons, “what would have become of me if it had not been for you and Schmucke?” He felt touched by this horrible prattle; the feeling in it seemed to be ingenuous, as it usually is in the speech of the people.
“Dear Mme. Cibot!” said Pons, “what would have happened to me if it weren’t for you and Schmucke?” He felt moved by this awful chatter; the emotion in it seemed sincere, as it often is in the words of everyday people.
“Ah! we really are your only friends on earth, that is very true, that is. But two good hearts are worth all the families in the world.—Don’t talk of families to me! A family, as the old actor said of the tongue, is the best and the worst of all things.... Where are those relations of yours now? Have you any? I have never seen them—”
“Ah! we really are your only friends in the world, that's absolutely true. But two good hearts are worth more than all the families out there. Don’t mention families to me! A family, as the old actor said about the tongue, can be the best and the worst of everything. Where are your relatives now? Do you even have any? I've never seen them—”
“They have brought me to lie here,” said Pons, with intense bitterness.
“They’ve brought me to lie here,” Pons said, filled with intense bitterness.
“So you have relations!...” cried La Cibot, springing up as if her easy-chair had been heated red-hot. “Oh, well, they are a nice lot, are your relations! What! these three weeks—for this is the twentieth day, to-day, that you have been ill and like to die—in these three weeks they have not come once to ask for news of you? That’s a trifle too strong, that is!... Why, in your place, I would leave all I had to the Foundling Hospital sooner than give them one farthing!”
“So you have family!” La Cibot exclaimed, jumping up as if her chair had been set on fire. “Oh, they’re a lovely bunch, your family! What? It’s been three weeks—today is the twentieth day that you’ve been sick and close to death—and in these three weeks, they haven’t come even once to check on you? That’s a bit much, don’t you think? If I were you, I’d donate everything I have to the Foundling Hospital instead of giving them a single penny!”
“Well, my dear Mme. Cibot, I meant to leave all that I had to a cousin once removed, the daughter of my first cousin, President Camusot, you know, who came here one morning nearly two months ago.”
“Well, my dear Mme. Cibot, I intended to leave everything I had to a cousin once removed, the daughter of my first cousin, President Camusot, you know, who visited here one morning almost two months ago.”
“Oh! a little stout man who sent his servants to beg your pardon—for his wife’s blunder?—The housemaid came asking me questions about you, an affected old creature she is, my fingers itched to give her velvet tippet a dusting with my broom handle! A servant wearing a velvet tippet! did anybody ever see the like? No, upon my word, the world is turned upside down; what is the use of making a Revolution? Dine twice a day if you can afford it, you scamps of rich folk! But laws are no good, I tell you, and nothing will be safe if Louis-Philippe does not keep people in their places; for, after all, if we are all equal, eh, sir? a housemaid didn’t ought to have a velvet tippet, while I, Mme. Cibot, haven’t one, after thirty years of honest work.—There is a pretty thing for you! People ought to be able to tell who you are. A housemaid is a housemaid, just as I myself am a portress. Why do they have silk epaulettes in the army? Let everybody keep their place. Look here, do you want me to tell you what all this comes to? Very well, France is going to the dogs.... If the Emperor had been here, things would have been very different, wouldn’t they, sir?... So I said to Cibot, I said, ‘See here, Cibot, a house where the servants wear velvet tippets belongs to people that have no heart in them—‘”
“Oh! A little stout man who sent his servants to apologize for his wife's mistake? The housemaid came asking me questions about you; what a pretentious old thing she is! I nearly wanted to give her velvet tippet a good whack with my broom! A servant in a velvet tippet! Has anyone ever seen anything like that? Honestly, the world is upside down; what’s the point of having a Revolution? Dine twice a day if you can afford it, you rich freeloaders! But laws don’t mean a thing, I swear, and nothing will be safe if Louis-Philippe doesn’t keep people in their places; because, after all, if we’re all equal, right? A housemaid shouldn’t be wearing a velvet tippet while I, Mme. Cibot, don’t have one after thirty years of hard work.—Now, there’s a fine state of affairs! People should be able to tell who you are. A housemaid is a housemaid, just like I am a portress. Why does the army have silk epaulettes? Everyone should know their role. Let me tell you what all this means? France is going downhill.... If the Emperor were here, things would be very different, wouldn’t they, sir?... So I told Cibot, I said, ‘Look here, Cibot, a house where the servants wear velvet tippets belongs to people with no heart—‘”
“No heart in them, that is just it,” repeated Pons. And with that he began to tell Mme. Cibot about his troubles and mortifications, she pouring out abuse of the relations the while and showing exceeding tenderness on every fresh sentence in the sad history. She fairly wept at last.
“No heart in them, that’s exactly it,” Pons repeated. He then started to share his troubles and humiliations with Mme. Cibot, who poured out her complaints about the relatives while expressing deep sympathy with every new part of his sad story. She ended up crying for him.
To understand the sudden intimacy between the old musician and Mme. Cibot, you have only to imagine the position of an old bachelor lying on his bed of pain, seriously ill for the first time in his life. Pons felt that he was alone in the world; the days that he spent by himself were all the longer because he was struggling with the indefinable nausea of a liver complaint which blackens the brightest life. Cut off from all his many interests, the sufferer falls a victim to a kind of nostalgia; he regrets the many sights to be seen for nothing in Paris. The isolation, the darkened days, the suffering that affects the mind and spirits even more than the body, the emptiness of the life,—all these things tend to induce him to cling to the human being who waits on him as a drowned man clings to a plank; and this especially if the bachelor patient’s character is as weak as his nature is sensitive and incredulous.
To understand the sudden closeness between the old musician and Mme. Cibot, you just need to imagine the situation of an old bachelor lying in bed, seriously ill for the first time in his life. Pons felt completely alone in the world; the days he spent by himself felt even longer as he dealt with the indescribable nausea of a liver issue that darkens the happiest moments. Cut off from all his various interests, the sufferer becomes a victim of a kind of nostalgia; he misses the many sights to see for free in Paris. The isolation, the gloomy days, the pain that weighs more on the mind and spirit than the body, and the emptiness of life—all these factors lead him to cling to the person who cares for him like a drowning man clings to a piece of wood; especially if the bachelor patient’s character is as weak as his nature is sensitive and skeptical.
Pons was charmed to hear La Cibot’s tittle-tattle. Schmucke, Mme. Cibot, and Dr. Poulain meant all humanity to him now, when his sickroom became the universe. If invalid’s thoughts, as a rule, never travel beyond in the little space over which his eyes can wander; if their selfishness, in its narrow sphere, subordinates all creatures and all things to itself, you can imagine the lengths to which an old bachelor may go. Before three weeks were out he had even gone so far as to regret, once and again, that he had not married Madeleine Vivet! Mme. Cibot, too, had made immense progress in his esteem in those three weeks; without her he felt that he should have been utterly lost; for as for Schmucke, the poor invalid looked upon him as a second Pons. La Cibot’s prodigious art consisted in expressing Pons’ own ideas, and this she did quite unconsciously.
Pons was delighted to hear La Cibot’s gossip. Schmucke, Madame Cibot, and Dr. Poulain meant everything to him now, as his sickroom had turned into his whole world. If a sick person’s thoughts typically don’t go beyond the small area their eyes can see; if their self-centeredness, in its limited scope, makes everything and everyone revolve around them, you can imagine how far an old bachelor might stretch this. Before three weeks were up, he had even found himself wishing, time and again, that he had married Madeleine Vivet! Madame Cibot, too, had gained a lot of respect from him in those three weeks; without her, he felt he would have been completely lost; as for Schmucke, the poor sick man viewed him as a second Pons. La Cibot’s remarkable skill was in expressing Pons’ own thoughts, and she did this quite unknowingly.
“Ah! here comes the doctor!” she exclaimed, as the bell rang, and away she went, knowing very well that Remonencq had come with the Jew.
“Ah! here comes the doctor!” she exclaimed as the bell rang, and off she went, fully aware that Remonencq had arrived with the Jew.
“Make no noise, gentlemen,” said she, “he must not know anything. He is all on the fidget when his precious treasures are concerned.”
“Keep it down, guys,” she said, “he can’t find out anything. He gets really anxious when it comes to his precious belongings.”
“A walk round will be enough,” said the Hebrew, armed with a magnifying-glass and a lorgnette.
“A walk around will be enough,” said the Hebrew, holding a magnifying glass and a pair of glasses.
The greater part of Pons’ collection was installed in a great old-fashioned salon such as French architects used to build for the old noblesse; a room twenty-five feet broad, some thirty feet in length, and thirteen in height. Pons’ pictures to the number of sixty-seven hung upon the white-and-gold paneled walls; time, however, had reddened the gold and softened the white to an ivory tint, so that the whole was toned down, and the general effect subordinated to the effect of the pictures. Fourteen statues stood on pedestals set in the corners of the room, or among the pictures, or on brackets inlaid by Boule; sideboards of carved ebony, royally rich, surrounded the walls to elbow height, all the shelves filled with curiosities; in the middle of the room stood a row of carved credence-tables, covered with rare miracles of handicraft—with ivories and bronzes, wood-carvings and enamels, jewelry and porcelain.
Most of Pons’ collection was displayed in a large, traditional salon like those that French architects used to create for the old nobility; a room twenty-five feet wide, about thirty feet long, and thirteen feet high. Pons’ sixty-seven paintings hung on the white-and-gold paneled walls; however, time had made the gold more red and softened the white to an ivory shade, giving the whole room a toned-down look that allowed the paintings to stand out. Fourteen statues stood on pedestals in the room's corners, among the paintings, or on inlaid Boule brackets; intricately carved ebony sideboards, opulently rich, lined the walls up to elbow height, all the shelves filled with curiosities. In the center of the room, there was a row of carved credence tables covered with exquisite handmade items—ivories, bronzes, wood carvings, enamels, jewelry, and porcelain.
As soon as Elie Magus entered the sanctuary, he went straight to the four masterpieces; he saw at a glance that these were the gems of Pons’ collection, and masters lacking in his own. For Elie Magus these were the naturalist’s desiderata for which men undertake long voyages from east to west, through deserts and tropical countries, across southern savannahs, through virgin forests.
As soon as Elie Magus stepped into the sanctuary, he went straight to the four masterpieces; he instantly recognized that these were the highlights of Pons’ collection, and the masterpieces he didn't have himself. For Elie Magus, these were the naturalist’s desiderata that people embark on long journeys from east to west for, traveling through deserts and tropical regions, across southern savannahs, and through untouched forests.
The first was a painting by Sebastian del Piombo, the second a Fra Bartolommeo della Porta, the third a Hobbema landscape, and the fourth and last a Durer—a portrait of a woman. Four diamonds indeed! In the history of art, Sebastian del Piombo is like a shining point in which three schools meet, each bringing its pre-eminent qualities. A Venetian painter, he came to Rome to learn the manner of Raphael under the direction of Michael Angelo, who would fain oppose Raphael on his own ground by pitting one of his own lieutenants against the reigning king of art. And so it came to pass that in Del Piombo’s indolent genius Venetian color was blended with Florentine composition and a something of Raphael’s manner in the few pictures which he deigned to paint, and the sketches were made for him, it is said, by Michael Angelo himself.
The first was a painting by Sebastian del Piombo, the second a Fra Bartolommeo della Porta, the third a Hobbema landscape, and the fourth and last a Durer—a portrait of a woman. Four true gems! In the history of art, Sebastian del Piombo stands out as a bright point where three schools converge, each contributing its unique strengths. A Venetian painter, he came to Rome to learn Raphael's style under the guidance of Michelangelo, who wanted to challenge Raphael by having one of his own followers compete against the reigning master of art. So it turned out that in Del Piombo’s laid-back genius, Venetian color merged with Florentine design and a hint of Raphael’s style in the few paintings he chose to create, and it’s said that the sketches were made for him by Michelangelo himself.
If you would see the perfection to which the painter attained (armed as he was with triple power), go to the Louvre and look at the Baccio Bandinelli portrait; you might place it beside Titian’s Man with a Glove, or by that other Portrait of an Old Man in which Raphael’s consummate skill blends with Correggio’s art; or, again, compare it with Leonardo da Vinci’s Charles VIII., and the picture would scarcely lose. The four pearls are equal; there is the same lustre and sheen, the same rounded completeness, the same brilliancy. Art can go no further than this. Art has risen above Nature, since Nature only gives her creatures a few brief years of life.
If you want to see the perfection the painter achieved (with his triple power), go to the Louvre and check out the Baccio Bandinelli portrait. You could compare it to Titian’s Man with a Glove, or that other Portrait of an Old Man where Raphael’s mastery blends with Correggio’s style; or again, look at Leonardo da Vinci’s Charles VIII., and the painting would hardly lose its impact. The four masterpieces are on par; they all share the same shine and glow, the same rounded completeness, the same brilliance. Art can’t go beyond this. Art has surpassed Nature because Nature only gives her creations a few short years of life.
Pons possessed one example of this immortal great genius and incurably indolent painter; it was a Knight of Malta, a Templar kneeling in prayer. The picture was painted on slate, and in its unfaded color and its finish was immeasurably finer than the Baccio Bandinelli.
Pons had one example of that amazing, timeless genius and hopelessly lazy painter; it was a Knight of Malta, a Templar kneeling in prayer. The painting was done on slate, and in its vibrant colors and detail, it was way better than the Baccio Bandinelli.
Fra Bartolommeo was represented by a Holy Family, which many connoisseurs might have taken for a Raphael. The Hobbema would have fetched sixty thousand francs at a public sale; and as for the Durer, it was equal to the famous Holzschuer portrait at Nuremberg for which the kings of Bavaria, Holland, and Prussia have vainly offered two hundred thousand francs again and again. Was it the portrait of the wife or the daughter of Holzschuer, Albrecht Durer’s personal friend?—The hypothesis seems to be a certainty, for the attitude of the figure in Pons’ picture suggests that it is meant for a pendant, the position of the coat-of-arms is the same as in the Nuremberg portrait; and, finally, the oetatis suoe XLI. accords perfectly with the age inscribed on the picture religiously kept by the Holzschuers of Nuremberg, and but recently engraved.
Fra Bartolommeo was depicted in a Holy Family, which many art experts might have mistaken for a Raphael. The Hobbema would have sold for sixty thousand francs at a public auction; and the Durer was on par with the famous Holzschuer portrait in Nuremberg, for which the kings of Bavaria, Holland, and Prussia have repeatedly offered two hundred thousand francs without success. Was it the portrait of Holzschuer's wife or daughter, Albrecht Durer’s close friend?—The theory seems to be very likely, as the pose of the figure in Pons’ painting indicates it’s intended as a pair, the coat-of-arms is positioned the same as in the Nuremberg portrait; and finally, the oetatis suoe XLI. matches perfectly with the age noted on the painting that the Holzschuers of Nuremberg have preserved and recently engraved.
The tears stood in Elie Magus’ eyes as he looked from one masterpiece to another. He turned round to La Cibot, “I will give you a commission of two thousand francs on each of the pictures if you can arrange that I shall have them for forty thousand francs,” he said. La Cibot was amazed at this good fortune dropped from the sky. Admiration, or, to be more accurate, delirious joy, had wrought such havoc in the Jew’s brain, that it had actually unsettled his habitual greed, and he fell headlong into enthusiasm, as you see.
The tears filled Elie Magus' eyes as he looked at one masterpiece after another. He turned to La Cibot, “I’ll pay you a commission of two thousand francs for each painting if you can arrange for me to get them for forty thousand francs,” he said. La Cibot was blown away by this luck that seemed to come out of nowhere. His admiration—or rather, his overwhelming joy—had thrown the Jew's mind into such a frenzy that it actually disrupted his usual greed, and he dove headfirst into excitement, as you can see.
“And I?——” put in Remonencq, who knew nothing about pictures.
“And I?——” said Remonencq, who didn't know anything about art.
“Everything here is equally good,” the Jew said cunningly, lowering his voice for Remonencq’s ears; “take ten pictures just as they come and on the same conditions. Your fortune will be made.”
“Everything here is just as good,” the Jew said slyly, lowering his voice for Remonencq’s ears; “take ten pictures just as they are and on the same terms. You’ll make a fortune.”
Again the three thieves looked each other in the face, each one of them overcome with the keenest of all joys—sated greed. All of a sudden the sick man’s voice rang through the room; the tones vibrated like the strokes of a bell:
Again the three thieves looked at each other, each one overwhelmed by the strongest joy—satisfied greed. Suddenly, the sick man’s voice echoed through the room; the tones resonated like the ringing of a bell:
“Who is there?” called Pons.
"Who's there?" called Pons.
“Monsieur! just go back to bed!” exclaimed La Cibot, springing upon Pons and dragging him by main force. “What next! Have you a mind to kill yourself?—Very well, then, it is not Dr. Poulain, it is Remonencq, good soul, so anxious that he has come to ask after you!—Everybody is so fond of you that the whole house is in a flutter. So what is there to fear?”
“Monsieur! Just go back to bed!” La Cibot shouted, jumping on Pons and pulling him with all her strength. “What’s going on? Are you trying to hurt yourself?—Fine, it’s not Dr. Poulain, it’s Remonencq, a good guy who cares so much that he came to check on you!—Everyone loves you, and the whole place is in a panic. So what’s there to be afraid of?”
“It seems to me that there are several of you,” said Pons.
“It looks like there are several of you,” said Pons.
“Several? that is good! What next! Are you dreaming!—You will go off your head before you have done, upon my word!—Here, look!”—and La Cibot flung open the door, signed to Magus to go, and beckoned to Remonencq.
“Several? That’s good! What’s next? Are you dreaming? You’re going to drive yourself crazy before this is over, I swear! Here, look!”—and La Cibot flung open the door, motioned for Magus to leave, and gestured for Remonencq to come over.
“Well, my dear sir,” said the Auvergnat, now supplied with something to say, “I just came to ask after you, for the whole house is alarmed about you.—Nobody likes Death to set foot in a house!—And lastly, Daddy Monistrol, whom you know very well, told me to tell you that if you wanted money he was at your service——”
“Well, my dear sir,” said the Auvergnat, now having something to say, “I just came to check on you, because the whole house is worried about you. Nobody wants Death to come into a home! And lastly, Daddy Monistrol, who you know very well, asked me to tell you that if you need money, he’s here to help.”
“He sent you here to take a look round at my knick-knacks!” returned the old collector from his bed; and the sour tones of his voice were full of suspicion.
“He sent you here to check out my collectibles!” the old collector replied from his bed, his voice dripping with suspicion.
A sufferer from liver complaint nearly always takes momentary and special dislikes to some person or thing, and concentrates all his ill-humor upon the object. Pons imagined that some one had designs upon his precious collection; the thought of guarding it became a fixed idea with him; Schmucke was continually sent to see if any one had stolen into the sanctuary.
A person with a liver issue almost always develops sudden and particular dislikes towards someone or something, directing all their frustration at that object. Pons believed that someone intended to steal his valuable collection; the idea of protecting it became an obsession for him. Schmucke was constantly sent to check if anyone had sneaked into the sanctuary.
“Your collection is fine enough to attract the attention of chineurs,” Remonencq answered astutely. “I am not much in the art line myself; but you are supposed to be such a great connoisseur, sir, that with my eyes shut—supposing, for instance, that you should need money some time or other, for nothing costs so much as these confounded illnesses; there was my sister now, when she would have got better again just as well without. Doctors are rascals that take advantage of your condition to—”
“Your collection is good enough to catch the eye of chineurs,” Remonencq replied wisely. “I’m not really into art myself, but you're supposed to be such a great expert, sir, that even with my eyes closed—let’s say, for example, that you ever needed money, because nothing is more expensive than these damn illnesses; just look at my sister, who would have recovered just fine on her own. Doctors are crooks who take advantage of your situation to—”
“Thank you, good-day, good-day,” broke in Pons, eying the marine store-dealer uneasily.
“Thank you, have a good day, have a good day,” interrupted Pons, looking at the marine store dealer nervously.
“I will go to the door with him, for fear he should touch something,” La Cibot whispered to her patient.
“I will go to the door with him, in case he touches something,” La Cibot whispered to her patient.
“Yes, yes,” answered the invalid, thanking her by a glance.
“Yeah, sure,” replied the person in the wheelchair, giving her a grateful look.
La Cibot shut the bedroom door behind her, and Pons’ suspicions awoke again at once.
La Cibot closed the bedroom door behind her, and Pons' suspicions were immediately reignited.
She found Magus standing motionless before the four pictures. His immobility, his admiration, can only be understood by other souls open to ideal beauty, to the ineffable joy of beholding art made perfect; such as these can stand for whole hours before the Antiope—Correggio’s masterpiece—before Leonardo’s Gioconda, Titian’s Mistress, Andrea del Sarto’s Holy Family, Domenichino’s Children Among the Flowers, Raphael’s little cameo, or his Portrait of an Old Man—Art’s greatest masterpieces.
She found Magus standing still in front of the four paintings. His stillness and admiration can only be understood by others who are open to ideal beauty and the indescribable joy of experiencing art perfected; those who can stand for hours in front of the Antiope—Correggio’s masterpiece—before Leonardo’s Gioconda, Titian’s Mistress, Andrea del Sarto’s Holy Family, Domenichino’s Children Among the Flowers, Raphael’s small cameo, or his Portrait of an Old Man—Art’s greatest masterpieces.
“Be quick and go, and make no noise,” said La Cibot.
“Be quick and go, and keep it quiet,” said La Cibot.
The Jew walked slowly backwards, giving the pictures such a farewell gaze as a lover gives his love. Outside on the landing, La Cibot tapped his bony arm. His rapt contemplations had put an idea into her head.
The Jew walked slowly backward, giving the pictures a goodbye look like a lover gives to their beloved. Outside on the landing, La Cibot tapped his thin arm. His deep thoughts had sparked an idea in her mind.
“Make it four thousand francs for each picture,” said she, “or I do nothing.”
“Make it four thousand francs for each picture,” she said, “or I’m not doing anything.”
“I am so poor!...” began Magus. “I want the pictures simply for their own sake, simply and solely for the love of art, my dear lady.”
“I’m so broke!…” began Magus. “I want the pictures just for their own sake, purely and simply for the love of art, my dear lady.”
“I can understand that love, sonny, you are so dried up. But if you do not promise me sixteen thousand francs now, before Remonencq here, I shall want twenty to-morrow.”
“I get that love, kid, you’re pretty short on cash. But if you don’t promise me sixteen thousand francs right now, in front of Remonencq here, I’ll want twenty tomorrow.”
“Sixteen; I promise,” returned the Jew, frightened by the woman’s rapacity.
“Sixteen; I promise,” replied the Jew, scared by the woman’s greed.
La Cibot turned to Remonencq.
La Cibot turned to Remonencq.
“What oath can a Jew swear?” she inquired.
“What oath can a Jew take?” she asked.
“You may trust him,” replied the marine store-dealer. “He is as honest as I am.”
“You can trust him,” said the marine store dealer. “He’s as honest as I am.”
“Very well; and you?” asked she, “if I get him to sell them to you, what will you give me?”
“Alright; and you?” she asked. “If I convince him to sell them to you, what will you give me?”
“Half-share of profits,” Remonencq answered briskly.
“Half of the profits,” Remonencq replied quickly.
“I would rather have a lump sum,” returned La Cibot; “I am not in business myself.”
“I would prefer a lump sum,” La Cibot replied, “I’m not in the business myself.”
“You understand business uncommonly well!” put in Elie Magus, smiling; “a famous saleswoman you would make!”
“You really understand business well!” Elie Magus said with a smile; “you’d make a famous saleswoman!”
“I want her to take me into partnership, me and my goods,” said the Auvergnat, as he took La Cibot’s plump arm and gave it playful taps like hammer-strokes. “I don’t ask her to bring anything into the firm but her good looks! You are making a mistake when your stick to your Turk of a Cibot and his needle. Is a little bit of a porter the man to make a woman rich—a fine woman like you? Ah, what a figure you would make in a shop on the boulevard, all among the curiosities, gossiping with amateurs and twisting them round your fingers! Just you leave your lodge as soon as you have lined your purse here, and you shall see what will become of us both.”
“I want her to partner with me, me and my stuff,” said the Auvergnat, as he took La Cibot’s plump arm and playfully tapped it like he was hammering. “I’m not asking her to bring anything to the business except her good looks! You’re making a mistake sticking with your Turk of a Cibot and his needle. Is a little porter really the guy who can make a woman rich—a fine woman like you? Ah, just think of how amazing you’d look in a shop on the boulevard, surrounded by curiosities, chatting with enthusiasts and wrapping them around your finger! Just leave your lodge as soon as you’ve filled your purse here, and you’ll see what happens to us both.”
“Lined my purse!” cried Cibot. “I am incapable of taking the worth of a single pin; you mind that, Remonencq! I am known in the neighborhood for an honest woman, I am.”
“Lined my purse!” shouted Cibot. “I can’t take the value of a single pin; remember that, Remonencq! Everyone around here knows I’m an honest woman.”
La Cibot’s eyes flashed fire.
La Cibot’s eyes lit up.
“There, never mind,” said Elie Magus; “this Auvergnat seems to be too fond of you to mean to insult you.”
“Forget it,” said Elie Magus; “this guy from Auvergne seems to like you too much to be trying to insult you.”
“How she would draw on the customers!” cried the Auvergnat.
“How she would draw in the customers!” exclaimed the Auvergnat.
Mme. Cibot softened at this.
Mrs. Cibot softened at this.
“Be fair, sonnies,” quoth she, “and judge for yourselves how I am placed. These ten years past I have been wearing my life out for these two old bachelors yonder, and neither or them has given me anything but words. Remonencq will tell you that I feed them by contract, and lose twenty or thirty sous a day; all my savings have gone that way, by the soul of my mother (the only author of my days that I ever knew), this is as true as that I live, and that this is the light of day, and may my coffee poison me if I lie about a farthing. Well, there is one up there that will die soon, eh? and he the richer of the two that I have treated like my own children. Would you believe it, my dear sir, I have told him over and over again for days past that he is at death’s door (for Dr. Poulain has given him up), he could not say less about putting my name down in his will. We shall only get our due by taking it, upon my word, as an honest woman, for as for trusting to the next-of-kin!—No fear! There! look you here, words don’t stink; it is a bad world!”
“Be fair, guys,” she said, “and judge for yourselves how I’m doing. For the past ten years, I’ve been wearing myself out for those two old bachelors over there, and neither of them has given me anything but empty words. Remonencq will tell you that I feed them by contract and lose twenty or thirty sous a day; all my savings have gone that way. I swear on my mother’s soul (the only parent I ever knew) that this is as true as I’m alive and this is sunlight, and may my coffee poison me if I’m lying about even a penny. Well, one of them up there is going to die soon, right? And he’s the richer one of the two, whom I’ve treated like my own children. Can you believe it, my dear sir? I’ve told him repeatedly for days that he’s at death’s door (since Dr. Poulain has given him up), yet he can’t even mention putting my name in his will. We’ll only get what we deserve by taking it, I swear, as an honest woman, because trusting the next of kin? No way! There! You see, words don’t mean anything; it’s a bad world!”
“That is true,” Elie Magus answered cunningly, “that is true; and it is just the like of us that are among the best,” he added, looking at Remonencq.
“That's true,” Elie Magus replied slyly, “that's true; and it's people like us who are among the best,” he continued, glancing at Remonencq.
“Just let me be,” returned La Cibot; “I am not speaking of you. ‘Pressing company is always accepted,’ as the old actor said. I swear to you that the two gentlemen already owe me nearly three thousand francs; the little I have is gone by now in medicine and things on their account; and now suppose they refuse to recognize my advances? I am so stupidly honest that I did not dare to say nothing to them about it. Now, you that are in business, my dear sir, do you advise me to got to a lawyer?”
“Just leave me alone,” La Cibot replied. “I’m not talking about you. ‘You always accept company,’ as the old actor said. I swear to you that the two gentlemen already owe me almost three thousand francs; the little I have is gone now on medicine and other things because of them; and what if they refuse to acknowledge my advances? I'm so foolishly honest that I didn’t even dare to bring it up with them. Now, you, being in business, what do you think, should I go to a lawyer?”
“A lawyer?” cried Remonencq; “you know more about it than all the lawyers put together—”
“A lawyer?” shouted Remonencq; “you know more about it than all the lawyers combined—”
Just at that moment a sound echoed in the great staircase, a sound as if some heavy body had fallen in the dining-room.
Just then, a noise echoed in the grand staircase, like something heavy had dropped in the dining room.
“Oh, goodness me!” exclaimed La Cibot; “it seems to me that monsieur has just taken a ticket for the ground floor.”
“Oh, my goodness!” exclaimed La Cibot; “it looks like you’ve just snagged a ticket for the ground floor.”
She pushed her fellow-conspirators out at the door, and while the pair descended the stairs with remarkable agility, she ran to the dining-room, and there beheld Pons, in his shirt, stretched out upon the tiles. He had fainted. She lifted him as if he had been a feather, carried him back to his room, laid him in bed, burned feathers under his nose, bathed his temples with eau-de-cologne, and at last brought him to consciousness. When she saw his eyes unclose and life return, she stood over him, hands on hips.
She pushed her accomplices out the door, and while the two of them quickly went down the stairs, she hurried to the dining room and found Pons, in his shirt, lying on the tiles. He had fainted. She picked him up as if he weighed nothing, carried him back to his room, laid him in bed, waved burnt feathers under his nose, bathed his temples with cologne, and finally brought him back to consciousness. When she saw him open his eyes and come back to life, she stood over him, hands on her hips.
“No slippers! In your shirt! That is the way to kill yourself! Why do you suspect me?—If this is to be the way of it, I wish you good-day, sir. Here have I served you these ten years, I have spent money on you till my savings are all gone, to spare trouble to that poor M. Schmucke, crying like a child on the stairs—and this is my reward! You have been spying on me. God has punished you! It serves you right! Here I am straining myself to carry you, running the risk of doing myself a mischief that I shall feel all my days. Oh dear, oh dear! and the door left open too—”
“No slippers! In your shirt! That’s how you can get hurt! Why do you think I'm up to something? If this is how it's going to be, then I wish you a good day, sir. I've been serving you for ten years, I’ve spent all my savings on you, trying to ease the burden on that poor M. Schmucke, who’s crying like a child on the stairs—and this is my reward! You’ve been watching me. God has punished you! You deserve it! Here I am, pushing myself to carry you, risking my own health that I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. Oh dear, oh dear! And the door left open too—”
“You were talking with some one. Who was it?”
“You were talking to someone. Who was it?”
“Here are notions!” cried La Cibot. “What next! Am I your bond-slave? Am I to give account of myself to you? Do you know that if you bother me like this, I shall clear out! You shall take a nurse.”
“Here are ideas!” shouted La Cibot. “What’s next! Am I your servant? Do I have to explain myself to you? Do you realize that if you keep bothering me like this, I’ll leave! You'll have to find a nurse.”
Frightened by this threat, Pons unwittingly allowed La Cibot to see the extent of the power of her sword of Damocles.
Frightened by this threat, Pons unknowingly showed La Cibot just how much power her sword of Damocles had.
“It is my illness!” he pleaded piteously.
"It’s my illness!" he begged desperately.
“It is as you please,” La Cibot answered roughly.
“It’s up to you,” La Cibot replied curtly.
She went. Pons, confused, remorseful, admiring his nurse’s scalding devotion, reproached himself for his behavior. The fall on the paved floor of the dining-room had shaken and bruised him, and aggravated his illness, but Pons was scarcely conscious of his physical sufferings.
She left. Pons, feeling confused and guilty, looked up to his nurse’s intense dedication and blamed himself for how he had acted. The fall on the hard dining room floor had shaken him and caused bruises, making his illness worse, but Pons barely noticed his physical pain.
La Cibot met Schmucke on the staircase.
La Cibot ran into Schmucke on the stairs.
“Come here, sir,” she said. “There is bad news, that there is! M. Pons is going off his head! Just think of it! he got up with nothing on, he came after me—and down he came full-length. Ask him why—he knows nothing about it. He is in a bad way. I did nothing to provoke such violence, unless, perhaps, I waked up ideas by talking to him of his early amours. Who knows men? Old libertines that they are. I ought not to have shown him my arms when his eyes were glittering like carbuckles.”
“Come here, sir,” she said. “There's bad news, for sure! M. Pons is losing his mind! Can you believe it? He got out of bed with nothing on and came after me—and then he tripped and fell flat on his face. Ask him why—he doesn’t even know. He's in a really bad state. I didn’t do anything to trigger that outburst, unless maybe I stirred up old memories by talking to him about his past loves. Who can figure men out? They’re all such old lechers. I really shouldn’t have shown him my arms when his eyes were sparkling like carbuckles.”
Schmucke listened. Mme. Cibot might have been talking Hebrew for anything that he understood.
Schmucke listened. Mme. Cibot could have been speaking Hebrew for all he understood.
“I have given myself a wrench that I shall feel all my days,” added she, making as though she were in great pain. (Her arms did, as a matter of fact, ache a little, and the muscular fatigue suggested an idea, which she proceeded to turn to profit.) “So stupid I am. When I saw him lying there on the floor, I just took him up in my arms as if he had been a child, and carried him back to bed, I did. And I strained myself, I can feel it now. Ah! how it hurts!—I am going downstairs. Look after our patient. I will send Cibot for Dr. Poulain. I had rather die outright than be crippled.”
“I’ve given myself an injury that I’ll feel for the rest of my life,” she added, pretending to be in a lot of pain. (Her arms did ache a bit, and the muscle fatigue sparked an idea that she decided to take advantage of.) “I’m so foolish. When I saw him lying on the floor, I just picked him up like he was a child and carried him back to bed. I really pushed myself, and I can still feel it now. Oh! It hurts so much! — I’m going downstairs. Please take care of our patient. I’ll send Cibot to get Dr. Poulain. I’d rather die than be crippled.”
La Cibot crawled downstairs, clinging to the banisters, and writhing and groaning so piteously that the tenants, in alarm, came out upon their landings. Schmucke supported the suffering creature, and told the story of La Cibot’s devotion, the tears running down his cheeks as he spoke. Before very long the whole house, the whole neighborhood indeed, had heard of Mme. Cibot’s heroism; she had given herself a dangerous strain, it was said, with lifting one of the “nutcrackers.”
La Cibot crawled down the stairs, holding onto the banisters and twisting in pain, groaning so sadly that the tenants, worried, stepped out onto their landings. Schmucke helped the suffering woman and shared the story of La Cibot’s dedication, tears streaming down his face as he spoke. Before long, everyone in the building, even in the whole neighborhood, had heard about Mme. Cibot’s bravery; it was said she had injured herself trying to lift one of the "nutcrackers."
Schmucke meanwhile went to Pons’ bedside with the tale. Their factotum was in a frightful state. “What shall we do without her?” they said, as they looked at each other; but Pons was so plainly the worse for his escapade, that Schmucke did not dare to scold him.
Schmucke meanwhile went to Pons’ bedside with the news. Their assistant was in a terrible state. “What are we going to do without her?” they said, looking at each other; but Pons clearly looked worse after his adventure, so Schmucke didn't dare to scold him.
“Gonfounded pric-a-prac! I would sooner purn dem dan loose mein friend!” he cried, when Pons told him of the cause of the accident. “To suspect Montame Zipod, dot lend us her safings! It is not goot; but it is der illness—”
“Confounded pric-a-prac! I would rather burn them than lose my friend!” he shouted when Pons explained the reason for the accident. “To suspect Montame Zipod, who lent us her savings! It’s not right; but it’s her illness—”
“Ah! what an illness! I am not the same man, I can feel it,” said Pons. “My dear Schmucke, if only you did not suffer through me!”
“Ah! What an illness! I’m not the same guy, I can feel it,” said Pons. “My dear Schmucke, if only you didn’t have to suffer because of me!”
“Scold me,” Schmucke answered, “und leaf Montame Zipod in beace.”
“Scold me,” Schmucke replied, “and leave Montame Zipod in peace.”
As for Mme. Cibot, she soon recovered in Dr. Poulain’s hands; and her restoration, bordering on the miraculous, shed additional lustre on her name and fame in the Marais. Pons attributed the success to the excellent constitution of the patient, who resumed her ministrations seven days later to the great satisfaction of her two gentlemen. Her influence in their household and her tyranny was increased a hundred-fold by the accident. In the course of a week, the two nutcrackers ran into debt; Mme. Cibot paid the outstanding amounts, and took the opportunity to obtain from Schmucke (how easily!) a receipt for two thousand francs, which she had lent, she said, to the friends.
As for Mme. Cibot, she quickly recovered under Dr. Poulain’s care; her near-miraculous recovery added to her reputation and fame in the Marais. Pons credited the success to the patient’s strong constitution, as she returned to her duties just seven days later, much to the delight of her two gentlemen. Her influence in their home and her control over them grew enormously because of the incident. Within a week, the two men found themselves in debt; Mme. Cibot paid off their outstanding bills and took the chance to easily get Schmucke to sign a receipt for two thousand francs, which she claimed she had lent to the friends.
“Oh, what a doctor M. Poulain is!” cried La Cibot, for Pons’ benefit. “He will bring you through, my dear sir, for he pulled me out of my coffin! Cibot, poor man, thought I was dead.... Well, Dr. Poulain will have told you that while I was in bed I thought of nothing but you. ‘God above,’ said I, ‘take me, and let my dear Mr. Pons live—‘”
“Oh, what a doctor M. Poulain is!” exclaimed La Cibot, for Pons’ benefit. “He will save you, my dear sir, because he pulled me back from the brink! Cibot, poor guy, thought I was dead... Well, Dr. Poulain must have told you that while I was in bed, I thought of nothing but you. ‘God above,’ I said, ‘take me, and let my dear Mr. Pons live—‘”
“Poor dear Mme. Cibot, you all but crippled yourself for me.”
“Poor dear Mme. Cibot, you nearly hurt yourself for me.”
“Ah! but for Dr. Poulain I should have been put to bed with a shovel by now, as we shall all be one day. Well, what must be, must, as the old actor said. One must take things philosophically. How did you get on without me?”
“Ah! if it weren’t for Dr. Poulain, I would have been buried with a shovel by now, just like we all will be one day. Well, what has to happen, happens, as the old actor said. One must take things in stride. How did you manage without me?”
“Schmucke nursed me,” said the invalid; “but our poor money-box and our lessons have suffered. I do not know how he managed.”
“Schmucke took care of me,” said the invalid; “but our poor money box and our lessons have suffered. I don’t know how he managed.”
“Calm yourself, Bons,” exclaimed Schmucke; “ve haf in Zipod ein panker—”
“Calm down, Bons,” Schmucke exclaimed; “we have a situation in Zipod—”
“Do not speak of it, my lamb. You are our children, both of you,” cried La Cibot. “Our savings will be well invested; you are safer than the Bank. So long as we have a morsel of bread, half of it is yours. It is not worth mentioning—”
“Don’t talk about it, my dear. You are our children, both of you,” La Cibot exclaimed. “Our savings will be well invested; you’re safer than the Bank. As long as we have a bit of bread, half of it belongs to you. It’s not worth mentioning—”
“Boor Montame Zipod!” said Schmucke, and he went.
“Boor Montame Zipod!” said Schmucke, and he left.
Pons said nothing.
Pons stayed silent.
“Would you believe it, my cherub?” said La Cibot, as the sick man tossed uneasily, “in my agony—for it was a near squeak for me—the thing that worried me most was the thought that I must leave you alone, with no one to look after you, and my poor Cibot without a farthing.... My savings are such a trifle, that I only mention them in connection with my death and Cibot, an angel that he is! No. He nursed me as if I had been a queen, he did, and cried like a calf over me!... But I counted on you, upon my word. I said to him, ‘There, Cibot! my gentlemen will not let you starve—‘”
“Can you believe it, my dear?” said La Cibot, as the sick man tossed and turned. “In my pain—because it was really touch-and-go for me—the thing that worried me most was the thought of leaving you alone, with no one to take care of you, and my poor Cibot with no money at all.... My savings are so small that I only mention them when I think about my death and Cibot, who is such an angel! No. He took care of me like I was a queen, he really did, and cried like a baby over me!... But I was counting on you, I swear. I told him, ‘There, Cibot! My gentlemen won’t let you starve—’”
Pons made no reply to this thrust ad testamentum; but as the portress waited for him to say something—“I shall recommend you to M. Schmucke,” he said at last.
Pons didn’t respond to this jab ad testamentum; but as the doorkeeper expected him to say something—“I’ll recommend you to M. Schmucke,” he finally said.
“Ah!” cried La Cibot, “whatever you do will be right; I trust in you and your heart. Let us never talk of this again; you make me feel ashamed, my cherub. Think of getting better, you will outlive us all yet.”
“Ah!” cried La Cibot, “whatever you do will be fine; I believe in you and your heart. Let's never speak of this again; you make me feel embarrassed, my angel. Focus on getting better, you’ll outlive all of us.”
Profound uneasiness filled Mme. Cibot’s mind. She cast about for some way of making the sick man understand that she expected a legacy. That evening, when Schmucke was eating his dinner as usual by Pons’ bedside, she went out, hoping to find Dr. Poulain at home.
Profound unease filled Mme. Cibot’s mind. She looked for a way to make the sick man understand that she was hoping for a legacy. That evening, while Schmucke was having dinner as usual by Pons’ bedside, she went out, hoping to find Dr. Poulain at home.
Dr. Poulain lived in the Rue d’Orleans in a small ground floor establishment, consisting of a lobby, a sitting-room, and two bedrooms. A closet, opening into the lobby and the bedroom, had been turned into a study for the doctor. The kitchen, the servant’s bedroom, and a small cellar were situated in a wing of the house, a huge pile built in the time of the Empire, on the site of an old mansion of which the garden still remained, though it had been divided among the three ground floor tenants.
Dr. Poulain lived on the ground floor of a place on Rue d’Orleans that had a lobby, a living room, and two bedrooms. A closet that connected the lobby and the bedroom had been converted into his study. The kitchen, the maid's bedroom, and a small cellar were located in a wing of the building, which was a large structure from the Empire era, built on the site of an old mansion. The garden still existed but had been split among the three ground floor tenants.
Nothing had been changed in the doctor’s house since it was built. Paint and paper and ceilings were all redolent of the Empire. The grimy deposits of forty years lay thick on walls and ceilings, on paper and paint and mirrors and gilding. And yet, this little establishment, in the depths of the Marais, paid a rent of a thousand francs.
Nothing had changed in the doctor’s house since it was built. The paint, wallpaper, and ceilings all smelled of the Empire. The grimy buildup of forty years coated the walls and ceilings, the wallpaper and paint, the mirrors and gold trim. And yet, this small place, located in the heart of the Marais, rented for a thousand francs.
Mme. Poulain, the doctor’s mother, aged sixty-seven, was ending her days in the second bedroom. She worked for a breeches-maker, stitching men’s leggings, breeches, belts, and braces, anything, in fact, that is made in a way of business which has somewhat fallen off of late years. Her whole time was spent in keeping her son’s house and superintending the one servant; she never went abroad, and took the air in the little garden entered through the glass door of the sitting-room. Twenty years previously, when her husband died, she sold his business to his best workman, who gave his master’s widow work enough to earn a daily wage of thirty sous. She had made every sacrifice to educate her son. At all costs, he should occupy a higher station than his father before him; and now she was proud of her Aesculapius, she believed in him, and sacrificed everything to him as before. She was happy to take care of him, to work and put by a little money, and dream of nothing but his welfare, and love him with an intelligent love of which every mother is not capable. For instance, Mme. Poulain remembered that she had been a working girl. She would not injure her son’s prospects; he should not be ashamed by his mother (for the good woman’s grammar was something of the same kind as Mme. Cibot’s); and for this reason she kept in the background, and went to her room of her own accord if any distinguished patient came to consult the doctor, or if some old schoolfellow or fellow-student chanced to call. Dr. Poulain had never had occasion to blush for the mother whom he revered; and this sublime love of hers more than atoned for a defective education.
Mme. Poulain, the doctor’s mother, aged sixty-seven, was spending her final days in the second bedroom. She worked for a tailor, stitching men’s leggings, trousers, belts, and suspenders—basically anything from a trade that has somewhat declined in recent years. Her entire time was dedicated to maintaining her son’s home and supervising the one servant; she never went out, instead getting fresh air in the small garden accessed through the glass door of the living room. Twenty years earlier, after her husband passed away, she sold his business to his best employee, who gave the widow enough work to earn a daily wage of thirty sous. She had made every sacrifice to educate her son. No matter what, he would hold a higher position than his father had; and now she was proud of her son, the doctor, fully believed in him, and continued to sacrifice everything for him. She was happy to care for him, to work and save a little money, only dreaming of his well-being, and loving him with a thoughtful affection that not every mother can offer. For instance, Mme. Poulain remembered her own days as a working girl. She would not jeopardize her son’s future; he should never feel ashamed of his mother (since her grammar was somewhat similar to that of Mme. Cibot); for this reason, she kept a low profile and would retreat to her room on her own if any distinguished patient came to see the doctor or if an old schoolmate or fellow student happened to drop by. Dr. Poulain had never had to feel embarrassed by the mother he respected; and her extraordinary love more than made up for any shortcomings in her education.
The breeches-maker’s business sold for about twenty thousand francs, and the widow invested the money in the Funds in 1820. The income of eleven hundred francs per annum derived from this source was, at one time, her whole fortune. For many a year the neighbors used to see the doctor’s linen hanging out to dry upon a clothes-line in the garden, and the servant and Mme. Poulain thriftily washed everything at home; a piece of domestic economy which did not a little to injure the doctor’s practice, for it was thought that if he was so poor, it must be through his own fault. Her eleven hundred francs scarcely did more than pay the rent. During those early days, Mme. Poulain, good, stout, little old woman, was the breadwinner, and the poor household lived upon her earnings. After twelve years of perseverance upon a rough and stony road, Dr. Poulain at last was making an income of three thousand francs, and Mme. Poulain had an income of about five thousand francs at her disposal. Five thousand francs for those who know Paris means a bare subsistence.
The breeches-maker’s business sold for about twenty thousand francs, and the widow invested the money in the Funds in 1820. The income of eleven hundred francs a year from this investment was, at one point, her entire fortune. For many years, the neighbors often saw the doctor’s laundry hanging out on a clothesline in the garden, and the servant and Mme. Poulain carefully washed everything at home; this domestic frugality did hurt the doctor’s practice, as people thought he must be poor due to his own failings. Her eleven hundred francs barely covered the rent. During those early days, Mme. Poulain, a good, sturdy little old woman, was the primary earner, and the struggling household relied on her income. After twelve years of hard work on a tough path, Dr. Poulain finally started earning three thousand francs, while Mme. Poulain had about five thousand francs at her disposal. For those who know Paris, five thousand francs means just a bare subsistence.
The sitting-room, where patients waited for an interview, was shabbily furnished. There was the inevitable mahogany sofa covered with yellow-flowered Utrecht velvet, four easy-chairs, a tea-table, a console, and half-a-dozen chairs, all the property of the deceased breeches-maker, and chosen by him. A lyre-shaped clock between two Egyptian candlesticks still preserved its glass shade intact. You asked yourself how the yellow chintz window-curtains, covered with red flowers, had contrived to hang together for so long; for evidently they had come from the Jouy factory, and Oberkampf received the Emperor’s congratulations upon similar hideous productions of the cotton industry in 1809.
The waiting room, where patients waited for their appointments, was poorly furnished. There was the usual mahogany sofa covered in yellow-flowered Utrecht velvet, four armchairs, a tea table, a console table, and about six chairs, all owned by the late tailor and chosen by him. A lyre-shaped clock sat between two Egyptian candlesticks, its glass shade still intact. You couldn’t help but wonder how the yellow chintz window curtains, adorned with red flowers, managed to stay up for so long; clearly, they had come from the Jouy factory, and Oberkampf received the Emperor’s congratulations for similar ugly cotton designs back in 1809.
The doctor’s consulting-room was fitted up in the same style, with household stuff from the paternal chamber. It looked stiff, poverty-stricken, and bare. What patient could put faith in the skill of any unknown doctor who could not even furnish his house? And this in a time when advertising is all-powerful; when we gild the gas-lamps in the Place de la Concorde to console the poor man for his poverty by reminding him that he is rich as a citizen.
The doctor's office was set up in the same way, with furniture from his family's house. It looked rigid, poor, and empty. What patient could trust the expertise of an unknown doctor who couldn't even furnish his own place? And this was at a time when advertising ruled; when we put gold on the gas lamps in Place de la Concorde to comfort the poor by reminding them that they are wealthy as citizens.
The ante-chamber did duty as a dining-room. The servant sat at her sewing there whenever she was not busy in the kitchen or keeping the doctor’s mother company. From the dingy short curtains in the windows you would have guessed at the shabby thrift behind them without setting foot in the dreary place. What could those wall-cupboards contain but stale scraps of food, chipped earthenware, corks used over and over again indefinitely, soiled table-linen, odds and ends that could descend but one step lower into the dust-heap, and all the squalid necessities of a pinched household in Paris?
The ante-room served as a dining room. The maid sat there sewing whenever she wasn't busy in the kitchen or keeping the doctor's mother company. From the dingy short curtains in the windows, you could tell there was shabby thriftiness behind them without even stepping into the dreary place. What could those wall cabinets possibly hold except stale food scraps, chipped dishes, reused corks, soiled tablecloths, and bits and pieces that could only sink one step closer to the trash heap, along with all the grim necessities of a tight household in Paris?
In these days, when the five-franc piece is always lurking in our thoughts and intruding itself into our speech, Dr. Poulain, aged thirty-three, was still a bachelor. Heaven had bestowed on him a mother with no connections. In ten years he had not met with the faintest pretext for a romance in his professional career; his practice lay among clerks and small manufacturers, people in his own sphere of life, with homes very much like his own. His richer patients were butchers, bakers, and the more substantial tradespeople of the neighborhood. These, for the most part, attributed their recovery to Nature, as an excuse for paying for the services of a medical man, who came on foot, at the rate of two francs per visit. In his profession, a carriage is more necessary than medical skill.
In today's world, where the five-franc coin constantly occupies our minds and slips into our conversations, Dr. Poulain, who is thirty-three, remains single. Fate gave him a mother without any connections. Over the past ten years, he hadn’t found even the slightest opportunity for romance in his medical career; his practice was mostly among clerks and small manufacturers, individuals from his own background, living in homes similar to his. His wealthier patients were butchers, bakers, and the more prominent tradespeople in the area. Most of them credited their recovery to Nature as a way to justify paying for the services of a doctor who walked to appointments, charging two francs per visit. In his line of work, having a carriage matters more than having medical expertise.
A humdrum monotonous life tells in the end upon the most adventurous spirit. A man fashions himself to his lot, he accepts a commonplace existence; and Dr. Poulain, after ten years of his practice, continued his labors of Sisyphus without the despair that made early days so bitter. And yet—like every soul in Paris—he cherished a dream. Remonencq was happy in his dream; La Cibot had a dream of her own; and Dr. Poulain, too, dreamed. Some day he would be called in to attend a rich and influential patient, would effect a positive cure, and the patient would procure a post for him; he would be head surgeon to a hospital, medical officer of a prison or police-court, or doctor to the boulevard theatres. He had come by his present appointment as doctor to the Mairie in this very way. La Cibot had called him in when the landlord of the house in the Rue de Normandie fell ill; he had treated the case with complete success; M. Pillerault, the patient, took an interest in the young doctor, called to thank him, and saw his carefully-hidden poverty. Count Popinot, the cabinet minister, had married M. Pillerault’s grand-niece, and greatly respected her uncle; of him, therefore, M. Pillerault had asked for the post, which Poulain had now held for two years. That appointment and its meagre salary came just in time to prevent a desperate step; Poulain was thinking of emigration; and for a Frenchman, it is a kind of death to leave France.
A dull, monotonous life eventually takes a toll on even the most adventurous spirit. A man adapts to his circumstances and accepts a mundane existence; Dr. Poulain, after ten years of practice, continued his Sisyphean efforts without the despair that had made his early days so bitter. And yet—like every soul in Paris—he had a dream. Remonencq was content in his dream; La Cibot had her own dream; and Dr. Poulain dreamed as well. One day, he hoped to be called to treat a wealthy and influential patient, would achieve a real cure, and that patient would help him secure a position; he envisioned becoming the head surgeon at a hospital, a medical officer at a prison or court, or a doctor for the boulevard theaters. He had obtained his current position as doctor to the Mairie in exactly that manner. La Cibot had called him when the landlord of their building in Rue de Normandie fell ill; he had successfully treated the case; M. Pillerault, the patient, became interested in the young doctor, thanked him, and noticed his carefully concealed poverty. Count Popinot, the cabinet minister, had married M. Pillerault’s grand-niece and held her uncle in high regard; thus, M. Pillerault had asked him for the position, which Poulain had now held for two years. That job and its meager salary arrived just in time to prevent a desperate choice; Poulain had been considering emigration; and for a Frenchman, leaving France is like a kind of death.
Dr. Poulain went, you may be sure, to thank Count Popinot; but as Count Popinot’s family physician was the celebrated Horace Bianchon, it was pretty clear that his chances of gaining a footing in that house were something of the slenderest. The poor doctor had fondly hoped for the patronage of a powerful cabinet minister, one of the twelve or fifteen cards which a cunning hand has been shuffling for sixteen years on the green baize of the council table, and now he dropped back again into his Marais, his old groping life among the poor and the small tradespeople, with the privilege of issuing certificates of death for a yearly stipend of twelve hundred francs.
Dr. Poulain definitely went to thank Count Popinot; however, since Count Popinot’s family doctor was the famous Horace Bianchon, it was pretty obvious that his chances of getting a foot in that door were very slim. The poor doctor had hoped for the support of a powerful cabinet minister, one of the dozen or so cards that a clever hand has been shuffling for sixteen years at the council table, and now he found himself back in his Marais, returning to his old, uncertain life among the poor and small tradespeople, with the privilege of issuing death certificates for an annual salary of twelve hundred francs.
Dr. Poulain had distinguished himself to some extent as a house-student; he was a prudent practitioner, and not without experience. His deaths caused no scandal; he had plenty of opportunities of studying all kinds of complaints in anima vili. Judge, therefore, of the spleen that he nourished! The expression of his countenance, lengthy and not too cheerful to begin with, at times was positively appalling. Set a Tartuffe’s all-devouring eyes, and the sour humor of an Alceste in a sallow-parchment visage, and try to imagine for yourself the gait, bearing, and expression of a man who thought himself as good a doctor as the illustrious Bianchon, and felt that he was held down in his narrow lot by an iron hand. He could not help comparing his receipts (ten francs a day if he was fortunate) with Bianchon’s five or six hundred.
Dr. Poulain had made a name for himself as a resident; he was a cautious doctor and had some experience. His patient deaths didn’t create any scandal; he had many chances to observe various ailments in anima vili. Just imagine the frustration he felt! The look on his face, long and not particularly cheerful to start with, could sometimes be downright horrifying. Picture Tartuffe’s all-consuming gaze combined with Alceste’s sour mood on a sallow, parchment-like face, and envision a man who believed he was as skilled a doctor as the renowned Bianchon, yet felt trapped in his limited situation by an iron grip. He couldn’t help but compare his earnings (ten francs a day if he was lucky) to Bianchon’s five or six hundred.
Are the hatreds and jealousies of democracy incomprehensible after this? Ambitious and continually thwarted, he could not reproach himself. He had once already tried his fortune by inventing a purgative pill, something like Morrison’s, and intrusted the business operations to an old hospital chum, a house-student who afterwards took a retail drug business; but, unluckily, the druggist, smitten with the charms of a ballet-dancer of the Ambigu-Comique, found himself at length in the bankruptcy court; and as the patent had been taken out in his name, his partner was literally without a remedy, and the important discovery enriched the purchaser of the business. The sometime house-student set sail for Mexico, that land of gold, taking poor Poulain’s little savings with him; and, to add insult to injury, the opera-dancer treated him as an extortioner when he applied to her for his money.
Are the hatreds and jealousy within democracy hard to understand after all this? Ambitious and constantly held back, he couldn’t blame himself. He had already tried his luck by creating a purgative pill, something similar to Morrison’s, and handed over the business operations to an old hospital buddy, a house-student who later opened a retail drugstore. Unfortunately, the druggist, enchanted by a ballet dancer from the Ambigu-Comique, ultimately ended up in bankruptcy court; and since the patent was registered in his name, his partner was left with no options, while the valuable discovery benefited the buyer of the business. The former house-student headed to Mexico, the land of gold, taking poor Poulain’s small savings with him; and to make matters worse, the opera dancer treated him like a crook when he asked her for his money back.
Not a single rich patient had come to him since he had the luck to cure old M. Pillerault. Poulain made his rounds on foot, scouring the Marais like a lean cat, and obtained from two to forty sous out of a score of visits. The paying patient was a phenomenon about as rare as that anomalous fowl known as a “white blackbird” in all sublunary regions.
Not a single wealthy patient had visited him since he was lucky enough to cure old M. Pillerault. Poulain made his rounds on foot, prowling the Marais like a lean cat, and earned anywhere from two to forty sous after visiting a number of patients. A paying patient was as rare as the elusive “white blackbird” in all earthly regions.
The briefless barrister, the doctor without a patient, are pre-eminently the two types of a decorous despair peculiar to this city of Paris; it is mute, dull despair in human form, dressed in a black coat and trousers with shining seams that recall the zinc on an attic roof, a glistening satin waistcoat, a hat preserved like a relic, a pair of old gloves, and a cotton shirt. The man is the incarnation of a melancholy poem, sombre as the secrets of the Conciergerie. Other kinds of poverty, the poverty of the artist—actor, painter, musician, or poet—are relieved and lightened by the artist’s joviality, the reckless gaiety of the Bohemian border country—the first stage of the journey to the Thebaid of genius. But these two black-coated professions that go afoot through the street are brought continually in contact with disease and dishonor; they see nothing of human nature but its sores; in the forlorn first stages and beginnings of their career they eye competitors suspiciously and defiantly; concentrated dislike and ambition flashes out in glances like the breaking forth of hidden flames. Let two schoolfellows meet after twenty years, the rich man will avoid the poor; he does not recognize him, he is afraid even to glance into the gulf which Fate has set between him and the friend of other years. The one has been borne through life on the mettlesome steed called Fortune, or wafted on the golden clouds of success; the other has been making his way in underground Paris through the sewers, and bears the marks of his career upon him. How many a chum of old days turned aside at the sight of the doctor’s greatcoat and waistcoat!
The struggling lawyer and the doctor without patients are the perfect examples of a quiet despair unique to this city of Paris. It’s a muted, lifeless despair represented in human form, dressed in a black coat and trousers with shiny seams that remind one of the zinc on an attic roof, a glossy satin waistcoat, a hat kept like a treasured artifact, a pair of old gloves, and a cotton shirt. This man embodies a somber poem, as dark as the secrets of the Conciergerie. Other forms of poverty, like that of artists—actors, painters, musicians, or poets—are lightened by the artist’s cheerfulness, the carefree joy of the Bohemian lifestyle—the initial stage of the journey towards genius. But these two black-coated professions that walk the streets are constantly confronted with illness and disgrace; they see nothing of human nature but its wounds. In the early, desperate stages of their careers, they eye competitors with suspicion and hostility; a concentrated mix of dislike and ambition flickers in their glances like the spark of hidden flames. When two old schoolmates meet after twenty years, the wealthy one will often ignore the poor one; he doesn’t recognize him and even fears looking into the chasm that fate has placed between him and his former friend. One has ridden through life on the spirited horse called Fortune or floated on the golden clouds of success, while the other has trudged through the underground of Paris and shows the signs of his struggles. How many old friends have turned away at the sight of the doctor’s overcoat and waistcoat!
With this explanation, it should be easy to understand how Dr. Poulain came to lend himself so readily to the farce of La Cibot’s illness and recovery. Greed of every kind, ambition of every nature, is not easy to hide. The doctor examined his patient, found that every organ was sound and healthy, admired the regularity of her pulse and the perfect ease of her movements; and as she continued to moan aloud, he saw that for some reason she found it convenient to lie at Death’s door. The speedy cure of a serious imaginary disease was sure to cause a sensation in the neighborhood; the doctor would be talked about. He made up his mind at once. He talked of rupture, and of taking it in time, and thought even worse of the case than La Cibot herself. The portress was plied with various remedies, and finally underwent a sham operation, crowned with complete success. Poulain repaired to the Arsenal Library, looked out a grotesque case in some of Desplein’s records of extraordinary cures, and fitted the details to Mme. Cibot, modestly attributing the success of the treatment to the great surgeon, in whose steps (he said) he walked. Such is the impudence of beginners in Paris. Everything is made to serve as a ladder by which to climb upon the scene; and as everything, even the rungs of a ladder, will wear out in time, the new members of every profession are at a loss to find the right sort of wood of which to make steps for themselves.
With this explanation, it should be easy to see how Dr. Poulain got so caught up in the farce of La Cibot’s illness and recovery. Greed and ambition are hard to hide. The doctor examined his patient, found that all her organs were functioning well, admired the steady rhythm of her pulse and the ease of her movements; and as she kept moaning, he realized that she had some reason to pretend she was on the brink of death. A quick fix of a serious imaginary illness would surely make waves in the neighborhood; the doctor would become a topic of conversation. He decided right then and there. He talked about a rupture, about catching it in time, and even thought the situation was worse than La Cibot had claimed. The portress was given various treatments, and ultimately underwent a fake operation, which was deemed a complete success. Poulain went to the Arsenal Library, searched for a ridiculous case in some of Desplein’s records of extraordinary recoveries, and adapted the details for Mme. Cibot, modestly crediting the success of the treatment to the renowned surgeon, whose path he claimed to follow. Such is the boldness of newcomers in Paris. Everything is used as a stepping stone to gain attention; and since everything, even the rungs of a ladder, wears out eventually, newcomers in every profession struggle to find the right material to build their own steps.
There are moments when the Parisian is not propitious. He grows tired of raising pedestals, pouts like a spoiled child, and will have no more idols; or, to state it more accurately, Paris cannot always find a proper object for infatuation. Now and then the vein of genius gives out, and at such times the Parisian may turn supercilious; he is not always willing to bow down and gild mediocrity.
There are times when the Parisian spirit isn't favorable. He gets tired of putting people on pedestals, sulks like a spoiled child, and is done with idols; or more precisely, Paris doesn't always have a suitable object for admiration. Every now and then, the well of genius runs dry, and during those moments, the Parisian can become disdainful; he isn't always ready to lower himself and elevate mediocrity.
Mme. Cibot, entering in her usual unceremonious fashion, found the doctor and his mother at table, before a bowl of lamb’s lettuce, the cheapest of all salad-stuffs. The dessert consisted of a thin wedge of Brie cheese flanked by a plate of specked foreign apples and a dish of mixed dry fruits, known as quatre-mendiants, in which the raisin stalks were abundantly conspicuous.
Mme. Cibot, stepping in as always without any fuss, found the doctor and his mother at the table, in front of a bowl of lamb's lettuce, the most affordable of all salads. The dessert was a thin slice of Brie cheese next to a plate of spotted foreign apples and a bowl of mixed dried fruits, called quatre-mendiants, where the raisin stems were clearly visible.
“You can stay, mother,” said the doctor, laying a hand on Mme. Poulain’s arm; “this is Mme. Cibot, of whom I have told you.”
“You can stay, Mom,” said the doctor, placing a hand on Mme. Poulain’s arm. “This is Mme. Cibot, the one I mentioned to you.”
“My respects to you, madame, and my duty to you, sir,” said La Cibot, taking the chair which the doctor offered. “Ah! is this your mother, sir? She is very happy to have a son who has such talent; he saved my life, madame, brought me back from the depths.”
“My respects to you, ma’am, and my duty to you, sir,” said La Cibot, taking the chair that the doctor offered. “Oh! Is this your mother, sir? She must be very proud to have a son with such talent; he saved my life, ma’am, pulled me back from the brink.”
The widow, hearing Mme. Cibot praise her son in this way, thought her a delightful woman.
The widow, hearing Mme. Cibot praise her son like that, found her to be a wonderful woman.
“I have just come to tell you, that, between ourselves, poor M. Pons is doing very badly, sir, and I have something to say to you about him—”
“I just came to let you know that, just between us, poor M. Pons is doing really poorly, sir, and I have something to discuss with you about him—”
“Let us go into the sitting-room,” interrupted the doctor, and with a significant gesture he indicated the servant.
“Let’s go into the living room,” interrupted the doctor, and with a meaningful gesture, he pointed to the servant.
In the sitting-room La Cibot explained her position with regard to the pair of nutcrackers at very considerable length. She repeated the history of her loan with added embellishments, and gave a full account of the immense services rendered during the past ten years to MM. Pons and Schmucke. The two old men, to all appearance, could not exist without her motherly care. She posed as an angel; she told so many lies, one after another, watering them with her tears, that old Mme. Poulain was quite touched.
In the living room, La Cibot explained her stance on the pair of nutcrackers in great detail. She recounted the story of her loan with extra embellishments and provided a complete account of the enormous services she had rendered over the past ten years to Mr. Pons and Mr. Schmucke. The two elderly men seemed completely dependent on her motherly care. She presented herself as an angel; she told so many lies, one after another, adding tears for effect, that old Mrs. Poulain was genuinely moved.
“You understand, my dear sir,” she concluded, “that I really ought to know how far I can depend on M. Pons’ intentions, supposing that he should not die; not that I want him to die, for looking after those two innocents is my life, madame, you see; still, when one of them is gone I shall look after the other. For my own part, I was built by Nature to rival mothers. Without nobody to care for, nobody to take for a child, I don’t know what I should do.... So if M. Poulain only would, he might do me a service for which I should be very grateful; and that is, to say a word to M. Pons for me. Goodness me! an annuity of a thousand francs, is that too much, I ask you?... To. M. Schmucke it would be so much gained.—Our dear patient said that he should recommend me to the German, poor man; it is his idea, no doubt, that M. Schmucke should be his heir. But what is a man that cannot put two ideas together in French? And besides, he would be quite capable of going back to Germany, he will be in such despair over his friend’s death—”
“You understand, my dear sir,” she concluded, “that I really need to know how far I can rely on M. Pons’ intentions, assuming he doesn’t die; not that I want him to die, because looking after those two innocents is my life, madame, you see; still, when one of them is gone, I’ll take care of the other. For my part, I was made by nature to rival mothers. Without anyone to care for, no one to cherish as a child, I don’t know what I would do... So if M. Poulain would, he could do me a huge favor that I would greatly appreciate; and that is, to say a word to M. Pons for me. Goodness me! an annuity of a thousand francs, is that too much, I ask you?... To M. Schmucke, it would be a gain. Our dear patient said he would recommend me to the German, poor man; it’s his idea, no doubt, that M. Schmucke should be his heir. But what is a man who can’t put two ideas together in French? And besides, he’d likely go back to Germany; he’ll be in such despair over his friend’s death—”
The doctor grew grave. “My dear Mme. Cibot,” he said, “this sort of thing does not in the least concern a doctor. I should not be allowed to exercise my profession if it was known that I interfered in the matter of my patients’ testamentary dispositions. The law forbids a doctor to receive a legacy from a patient—”
The doctor became serious. “My dear Mme. Cibot,” he said, “this kind of thing doesn’t concern a doctor at all. I wouldn’t be able to practice if it were known that I got involved in my patients’ wills. The law prevents a doctor from receiving an inheritance from a patient—”
“A stupid law! What is to hinder me from dividing my legacy with you?” La Cibot said immediately.
“A ridiculous law! What’s stopping me from sharing my inheritance with you?” La Cibot said right away.
“I will go further,” said the doctor; “my professional conscience will not permit me to speak to M. Pons of his death. In the first place, he is not so dangerously ill that there is any need to speak of it, and in the second, such talk coming from me might give a shock to the system that would do him real harm, and then his illness might terminate fatally—”
“I'll go even further,” the doctor said. “My professional ethics won’t let me tell M. Pons about his death. First of all, he isn’t so dangerously ill that we need to discuss it, and secondly, hearing something like that from me could really distress him, which might do him serious harm, and then his condition could worsen—”
“I don’t put on gloves to tell him to get his affairs in order,” cried Mme. Cibot, “and he is none the worse for that. He is used to it. There is nothing to fear.”
“I don’t wear gloves to tell him to get his stuff together,” cried Mme. Cibot, “and he’s no worse off for it. He’s used to it. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Not a word more about it, my dear Mme. Cibot! These things are not within a doctor’s province; it is a notary’s business—”
“Not another word about it, my dear Mme. Cibot! These matters are not for a doctor to decide; it’s a notary’s responsibility—”
“But, my dear M. Poulain, suppose that M. Pons of his own accord should ask you how he is, and whether he had better make his arrangements; then, would you refuse to tell him that if you want to get better it is an excellent plan to set everything in order? Then you might just slip in a little word for me—”
“But, my dear M. Poulain, what if M. Pons were to ask you himself how he’s doing and if he should make his arrangements? Would you really not tell him that if he wants to recover, it’s a great idea to get everything sorted out? Then you could casually mention a little something for me—”
“Oh, if he talks of making his will, I certainly shall not dissuade him,” said the doctor.
“Oh, if he talks about making his will, I definitely won’t try to talk him out of it,” said the doctor.
“Very well, that is settled. I came to thank you for your care of me,” she added, as she slipped a folded paper containing three gold coins into the doctor’s hands. “It is all I can do at the moment. Ah! my dear M. Poulain, if I were rich, you should be rich, you that are the image of Providence on earth.—Madame, you have an angel for a son.”
“Alright, that’s settled. I came to thank you for taking care of me,” she said, as she placed a folded note with three gold coins into the doctor’s hands. “It’s all I can do right now. Oh! my dear M. Poulain, if I were rich, you would be wealthy too, you who are like a godsend on this earth.—Madame, you have an angel for a son.”
La Cibot rose to her feet, Mme. Poulain bowed amiably, and the doctor went to the door with the visitor. Just then a sudden, lurid gleam of light flashed across the mind of this Lady Macbeth of the streets. She saw clearly that the doctor was her accomplice—he had taken the fee for the sham illness.
La Cibot stood up, Mme. Poulain nodded kindly, and the doctor walked to the door with the visitor. At that moment, a sudden, intense realization struck this Lady Macbeth of the streets. She understood that the doctor was in on it—he had taken the payment for the fake illness.
“M. Poulain,” she began, “how can you refuse to say a word or two to save me from want, when you helped me in the affair of my accident?”
“M. Poulain,” she started, “how can you refuse to say a word or two to help me out of this situation when you assisted me with my accident?”
The doctor felt that the devil had him by the hair, as the saying is; he felt, too, that the hair was being twisted round the pitiless red claw. Startled and afraid lest he should sell his honesty for such a trifle, he answered the diabolical suggestion by another no less diabolical.
The doctor felt like the devil was grabbing him by the hair, as the saying goes; he also felt that his hair was being twisted around the cruel red claw. Startled and scared that he might compromise his integrity for something so trivial, he responded to the wicked suggestion with another equally wicked one.
“Listen, my dear Mme. Cibot,” he said, as he drew her into his consulting-room. “I will now pay a debt of gratitude that I owe you for my appointment to the mairie—”
“Listen, my dear Mrs. Cibot,” he said, as he pulled her into his consulting room. “I’m about to repay a debt of gratitude I owe you for my appointment to the town hall—”
“We go shares?” she asked briskly.
"Are we splitting it?" she asked cheerfully.
“In what?”
"In what way?"
“In the legacy.”
“In the legacy.”
“You do not know me,” said Dr. Poulain, drawing himself up like Valerius Publicola. “Let us have no more of that. I have a friend, an old schoolfellow of mine, a very intelligent young fellow; and we are so much the more intimate, because, our lives have fallen out very much in the same way. He was studying law while I was a house-student, he was engrossing deeds in Maitre Couture’s office. His father was a shoemaker, and mine was a breeches-maker; he has not found anyone to take much interest in his career, nor has he any capital; for, after all, capital is only to be had from sympathizers. He could only afford to buy a provincial connection—at Mantes—and so little do provincials understand the Parisian intellect, that they set all sorts of intrigues on foot against him.”
“You don’t know me,” Dr. Poulain said, standing tall like Valerius Publicola. “Let’s drop that. I have a friend, an old schoolmate, a really sharp guy; our lives have coincidentally followed similar paths. He was studying law while I was a medical student, and he was drafting legal documents in Maitre Couture’s office. His dad was a shoemaker, and mine was a tailor; he hasn’t found anyone who cares much about his career, nor does he have any money; because, after all, money only comes from those who support you. He could only manage to get a small connection in a provincial area—at Mantes—and the provincial folks understand Parisian talent so little that they’ve set all sorts of schemes against him.”
“The wretches!” cried La Cibot.
"The losers!" cried La Cibot.
“Yes,” said the doctor. “They combined against him to such purpose, that they forced him to sell his connection by misrepresenting something that he had done; the attorney for the crown interfered, he belonged to the place, and sided with his fellow-townsmen. My friend’s name is Fraisier. He is lodged as I am, and he is even leaner and more threadbare. He took refuge in our arrondissement, and is reduced to appear for clients in the police-court or before the magistrate. He lives in the Rue de la Perle close by. Go to No. 9, third floor, and you will see his name on the door on the landing, painted in gilt letters on a small square of red leather. Fraisier makes a special point of disputes among the porters, workmen, and poor folk in the arrondissement, and his charges are low. He is an honest man; for I need not tell you that if he had been a scamp, he would be keeping his carriage by now. I will call and see my friend Fraisier this evening. Go to him early to-morrow; he knows M. Louchard, the bailiff; M. Tabareau, the clerk of the court; and the justice of the peace, M. Vitel; and M. Trognon, the notary. He is even now looked upon as one of the best men of business in the Quarter. If he takes charge of your interests, if you can secure him as M. Pons’ adviser, you will have a second self in him, you see. But do not make dishonorable proposals to him, as you did just now to me; he has a head on his shoulders, you will understand each other. And as for acknowledging his services, I will be your intermediary—”
“Yeah,” said the doctor. “They teamed up against him so effectively that they forced him to sell his connection by twisting the truth about something he did; the crown’s attorney got involved, he was from the area and sided with his fellow townspeople. My friend’s name is Fraisier. He’s staying where I am, and he’s even thinner and more worn out. He found refuge in our district and now has to represent clients in the police court or before the magistrate. He lives on Rue de la Perle nearby. Go to No. 9, third floor, and you’ll see his name on the door on the landing, painted in gold letters on a small square of red leather. Fraisier focuses on disputes among porters, workers, and the less fortunate in the area, and his fees are low. He’s an honest guy; I shouldn’t have to tell you that if he were a crook, he’d be driving a fancy carriage by now. I’ll visit my friend Fraisier this evening. Go see him first thing tomorrow; he knows M. Louchard, the bailiff; M. Tabareau, the court clerk; the justice of the peace, M. Vitel; and M. Trognon, the notary. He’s considered one of the best businessmen in the Quarter. If he takes care of your interests, if you can get him as M. Pons’ adviser, you’ll have a partner in him, you see. But don’t make any dishonorable proposals to him like you did to me just now; he’s smart, and you’ll understand each other. And as for acknowledging his services, I’ll be your go-between—”
Mme. Cibot looked askance at the doctor.
Mme. Cibot looked at the doctor with suspicion.
“Is that the lawyer who helped Mme. Florimond the haberdasher in the Rue Vieille-du-Temple out of a fix in that matter of her friend’s legacy?”
“Is that the lawyer who helped Mrs. Florimond, the fabric store owner on Rue Vieille-du-Temple, out of a jam regarding her friend’s inheritance?”
“The very same.”
"Exactly the same."
“Wasn’t it a shame that she did not marry him after he had gained two thousand francs a year for her?” exclaimed La Cibot. “And she thought to clear off scores by making him a present of a dozen shirts and a couple of dozen pocket-handkerchiefs; an outfit, in short.”
“Wasn’t it a shame she didn’t marry him after he was earning two thousand francs a year for her?” La Cibot exclaimed. “And she thought she could make up for it by giving him a dozen shirts and a couple dozen handkerchiefs; basically a whole outfit.”
“My dear Mme. Cibot, that outfit cost a thousand francs, and Fraisier was just setting up for himself in the Quarter, and wanted the things very badly. And what was more, she paid the bill without asking any questions. That affair brought him clients, and now he is very busy; but in my line a practice brings—”
“My dear Mme. Cibot, that outfit cost a thousand francs, and Fraisier was just starting out in the Quarter and really needed the items. Plus, she paid the bill without asking any questions. That deal brought him clients, and now he’s very busy; but in my line of work, a practice brings—”
“It is only the righteous that suffer here below,” said La Cibot. “Well, M. Poulain, good-day and thank you.”
“It’s only the righteous who suffer down here,” said La Cibot. “Well, M. Poulain, have a good day and thank you.”
And herewith begins the tragedy, or, if you like to have it so, a terrible comedy—the death of an old bachelor delivered over by circumstances too strong for him to the rapacity and greed that gathered about his bed. And other forces came to the support of rapacity and greed; there was the picture collector’s mania, that most intense of all passions; there was the cupidity of the Sieur Fraisier, whom you shall presently behold in his den, a sight to make you shudder; and lastly, there was the Auvergnat thirsting for money, ready for anything—even for a crime—that should bring him the capital he wanted. The first part of the story serves in some sort as a prelude to this comedy in which all the actors who have hitherto occupied the stage will reappear.
And with this, the tragedy begins, or a terrible comedy if you prefer—the death of an old bachelor overwhelmed by circumstances too powerful for him, succumbing to the greed and avarice that surrounded his bedside. Additional forces supported this greed; there was the obsession of art collectors, the most intense of all passions; there was the greed of Sieur Fraisier, whom you will soon see in his lair, a sight that will make you shudder; and finally, there was the Auvergnat, desperate for money, willing to do anything—even commit a crime—to get the capital he needed. The first part of the story acts as a prelude to this comedy, in which all the characters who have previously appeared will return.
The degradation of a word is one of those curious freaks of manners upon which whole volumes of explanation might be written. Write to an attorney and address him as “Lawyer So-and-so,” and you insult him as surely as you would insult a wholesale colonial produce merchant by addressing your letter to “Mr. So-and-so, Grocer.” There are plenty of men of the world who ought to be aware, since the knowledge of such subtle distinctions is their province, that you cannot insult a French writer more cruelly than by calling him un homme de lettres—a literary man. The word monsieur is a capital example of the life and death of words. Abbreviated from monseigneur, once so considerable a title, and even now, in the form of sire, reserved for emperors and kings, it is bestowed indifferently upon all and sundry; while the twin-word messire, which is nothing but its double and equivalent, if by any chance it slips into a certificate of burial, produces an outcry in the Republican papers.
The decline of a word is one of those interesting quirks of social behavior that could fill entire books with explanations. If you write to a lawyer and address him as “Lawyer So-and-so,” you insult him just as much as if you addressed a wholesale colonial produce merchant as “Mr. So-and-so, Grocer.” There are many worldly people who should know that, since understanding these subtle distinctions is their area of expertise, you can offend a French writer more deeply by calling him un homme de lettres—a literary man. The word monsieur is a prime example of how words can rise and fall. Originally shortened from monseigneur, which used to be a significant title and is still used in the form of sire for emperors and kings, it is now given to everyone indiscriminately; meanwhile, the similar word messire, which is simply its equivalent, causes an uproar in Republican newspapers if it accidentally appears on a death certificate.
Magistrates, councillors, jurisconsults, judges, barristers, officers for the crown, bailiffs, attorneys, clerks of the court, procurators, solicitors, and agents of various kinds, represent or misrepresent Justice. The “lawyer” and the bailiff’s men (commonly called “the brokers”) are the two lowest rungs of the ladder. Now, the bailiff’s man is an outsider, an adventitious minister of justice, appearing to see that judgment is executed; he is, in fact, a kind of inferior executioner employed by the county court. But the word “lawyer” (homme de loi) is a depreciatory term applied to the legal profession. Consuming professional jealousy finds similar disparaging epithets for fellow-travelers in every walk of life, and every calling has its special insult. The scorn flung into the words homme de loi, homme de lettres, is wanting in the plural form, which may be used without offence; but in Paris every profession, learned or unlearned, has its omega, the individual who brings it down to the level of the lowest class; and the written law has its connecting link with the custom right of the streets. There are districts where the pettifogging man of business, known as Lawyer So-and-So, is still to be found. M. Fraisier was to the member of the Incorporated Law Society as the money-lender of the Halles, offering small loans for a short period at an exorbitant interest, is to the great capitalist.
Magistrates, council members, legal experts, judges, lawyers, government officers, bailiffs, attorneys, court clerks, representatives, solicitors, and agents of various kinds either represent or misrepresent Justice. The “lawyer” and the bailiff’s men, often called “the brokers,” are the two lowest levels in the hierarchy. The bailiff’s man is an outsider, a temporary agent of justice, there to ensure that the judgment is carried out; in reality, he’s a sort of low-ranking executioner working for the county court. But the term “lawyer” (homme de loi) is a derogatory label for someone in the legal profession. Professional jealousy breeds similar insulting terms for colleagues in every field, and every profession has its unique insult. The disdain in the words homme de loi, homme de lettres doesn’t carry the same weight in the plural, which can be used without offense; however, in Paris, every profession, whether educated or not, has its omega, the person who brings it down to the lowest level; and written law is linked to the customary law of the streets. There are areas where the petty lawyer known as Lawyer So-and-So can still be found. M. Fraisier was to the member of the Incorporated Law Society what a loan shark in the Halles, offering small loans for short periods at sky-high interest rates, is to a major investor.
Working people, strange to say are as shy of officials as of fashionable restaurants, they take advice from irregular sources as they turn into a little wineshop to drink. Each rank in life finds its own level, and there abides. None but a chosen few care to climb the heights, few can feel at ease in the presence of their betters, or take their place among them, like a Beaumarchais letting fall the watch of the great lord who tried to humiliate him. And if there are few who can even rise to a higher social level, those among them who can throw off their swaddling-clothes are rare and great exceptions.
Working people, oddly enough, are just as shy around officials as they are around trendy restaurants; they prefer to take advice from unconventional sources just like they would pop into a small wine shop for a drink. Each class in society finds its own level and sticks to it. Only a select few want to elevate their status; not many feel comfortable in the presence of those above them, or can blend in with them, reminiscent of Beaumarchais dropping the watch of the nobleman who tried to belittle him. And while there are few who can even aspire to a higher social standing, those who can break free from their limitations are extremely rare and notable exceptions.
At six o’clock the next morning Mme. Cibot stood in the Rue de la Perle; she was making a survey of the abode of her future adviser, Lawyer Fraisier. The house was one of the old-fashioned kind formerly inhabited by small tradespeople and citizens with small means. A cabinetmaker’s shop occupied almost the whole of the ground floor, as well as the little yard behind, which was covered with his workshops and warehouses; the small remaining space being taken up by the porter’s lodge and the passage entry in the middle. The staircase walls were half rotten with damp and covered with saltpetre to such a degree that the house seemed to be stricken with leprosy.
At six o’clock the next morning, Mme. Cibot stood in the Rue de la Perle; she was checking out the home of her future advisor, Lawyer Fraisier. The house was an old-style building that used to be occupied by small tradespeople and low-income residents. A cabinetmaker’s shop took up almost the entire ground floor, along with the small yard behind it, which was filled with his workshops and storage areas; the little remaining space was occupied by the porter’s lodge and the entrance hallway in the middle. The walls of the staircase were damp and rotting, covered with saltpeter to such an extent that the house looked like it was suffering from leprosy.
Mme. Cibot went straight to the porter’s lodge, and there encountered one of the fraternity, a shoemaker, his wife, and two small children, all housed in a room ten feet square, lighted from the yard at the back. La Cibot mentioned her profession, named herself, and spoke of her house in the Rue de Normandie, and the two women were on cordial terms at once. After a quarter of an hour spent in gossip while the shoemaker’s wife made breakfast ready for her husband and the children, Mme. Cibot turned the conversation to the subject of the lodgers, and spoke of the lawyer.
Mme. Cibot headed straight to the porter’s lodge, where she met one of her neighbors, a shoemaker, along with his wife and two small kids, all living in a tiny room that was ten feet square, lit from the yard in the back. La Cibot shared her profession, introduced herself, and talked about her home on Rue de Normandie, and the two women quickly became friendly. After about fifteen minutes of chatting while the shoemaker’s wife prepared breakfast for her husband and the kids, Mme. Cibot steered the conversation toward the topic of the tenants and mentioned the lawyer.
“I have come to see him on business,” she said. “One of his friends, Dr. Poulain, recommended me to him. Do you know Dr. Poulain?”
“I’ve come to see him about some business,” she said. “One of his friends, Dr. Poulain, suggested I reach out to him. Do you know Dr. Poulain?”
“I should think I do,” said the lady of the Rue de la Perle. “He saved my little girl’s life when she had the croup.”
“I think I do,” said the woman on Rue de la Perle. “He saved my little girl’s life when she had croup.”
“He saved my life, too, madame. What sort of a man is this M. Fraisier?”
“He saved my life, too, ma'am. What kind of man is this M. Fraisier?”
“He is the sort of man, my dear lady, out of whom it is very difficult to get the postage-money at the end of the month.”
“He's the kind of guy, my dear lady, who makes it really hard to get the postage money at the end of the month.”
To a person of La Cibot’s intelligence this was enough.
To someone with La Cibot’s intelligence, this was sufficient.
“One may be poor and honest,” observed she.
“One can be poor and still honest,” she noted.
“I am sure I hope so,” returned Fraisier’s portress. “We are not rolling in coppers, let alone gold or silver; but we have not a farthing belonging to anybody else.”
“I sure hope so,” replied Fraisier’s doorkeeper. “We’re not exactly swimming in cash, let alone gold or silver, but we don’t owe anyone a penny.”
This sort of talk sounded familiar to La Cibot.
This kind of talk sounded familiar to La Cibot.
“In short, one can trust him, child, eh?”
"In short, you can trust him, right, kid?"
“Lord! when M. Fraisier means well by any one, there is not his like, so I have heard Mme. Florimond say.”
“Lord! When M. Fraisier means well for anyone, there’s no one like him, or so I’ve heard Mme. Florimond say.”
“And why didn’t she marry him when she owed her fortune to him?” La Cibot asked quickly. “It is something for a little haberdasher, kept by an old man, to be a barrister’s wife—”
“And why didn’t she marry him when she owed her fortune to him?” La Cibot asked quickly. “It’s quite something for a small shopkeeper, supported by an old man, to be a lawyer’s wife—”
“Why?—” asked the portress, bringing Mme. Cibot out into the passage. “Why?—You are going to see him, are you not, madame?—Very well, when you are in his office you will know why.”
“Why?—” asked the doorkeeper, pulling Mme. Cibot into the hallway. “Why?—You’re going to see him, right, madame?—Well, once you’re in his office, you’ll find out why.”
From the state of the staircase, lighted by sash-windows on the side of the yard, it was pretty evident that the inmates of the house, with the exception of the landlord and M. Fraisier himself, were all workmen. There were traces of various crafts in the deposit of mud upon the steps—brass-filings, broken buttons, scraps of gauze, and esparto grass lay scattered about. The walls of the upper stories were covered with apprentices’ ribald scrawls and caricatures. The portress’ last remark had roused La Cibot’s curiosity; she decided, not unnaturally, that she would consult Dr. Poulain’s friend; but as for employing him, that must depend upon her impressions.
From the state of the staircase, illuminated by sash windows on the side of the yard, it was clear that the residents of the house, except for the landlord and M. Fraisier himself, were all workers. There were signs of different trades in the mud on the steps—brass filings, broken buttons, scraps of gauze, and esparto grass were scattered around. The walls of the upper floors were covered with apprentices’ crude doodles and caricatures. The porter’s last comment had sparked La Cibot’s curiosity; she decided, not surprisingly, that she would consult Dr. Poulain’s friend; but whether to hire him would depend on her first impressions.
“I sometimes wonder how Mme. Sauvage can stop in his service,” said the portress, by way of comment; she was following in Mme. Cibot’s wake. “I will come up with you, madame” she added; “I am taking the milk and the newspaper up to my landlord.”
“I sometimes wonder how Mrs. Sauvage can keep working for him,” said the portress, commenting as she walked behind Mrs. Cibot. “I’ll come up with you, ma’am,” she added. “I’m taking the milk and the newspaper to my landlord.”
Arrived on the second floor above the entresol, La Cibot beheld a door of the most villainous description. The doubtful red paint was coated for seven or eight inches round the keyhole with a filthy glaze, a grimy deposit from which the modern house-decorator endeavors to protect the doors of more elegant apartments by glass “finger-plates.” A grating, almost stopped up with some compound similar to the deposit with which a restaurant-keeper gives an air of cellar-bound antiquity to a merely middle-aged bottle, only served to heighten the general resemblance to a prison door; a resemblance further heightened by the trefoil-shaped iron-work, the formidable hinges, the clumsy nail-heads. A miser, or a pamphleteer at strife with the world at large, must surely have invented these fortifications. A leaden sink, which received the waste water of the household, contributed its quota to the fetid atmosphere of the staircase, and the ceiling was covered with fantastic arabesques traced by candle-smoke—such arabesques! On pulling a greasy acorn tassel attached to the bell-rope, a little bell jangled feebly somewhere within, complaining of the fissure in its metal sides.
Arriving on the second floor above the mezzanine, La Cibot saw a door that looked downright sinister. The questionable red paint was smeared with a grimy, nasty buildup around the keyhole, a nasty residue that modern decorators try to keep off the doors of nicer apartments with glass "finger-plates." A grate, almost clogged with some gunky substance similar to what a restaurant owner uses to make an otherwise average bottle look old and dusty, only made it look more like a prison door. This resemblance was further emphasized by the trefoil-shaped ironwork, the heavy-duty hinges, and the bulky nail heads. It had to be a miser or a pamphleteer at odds with the world who came up with these defenses. A lead sink, which drained the household's waste water, added to the foul smell of the staircase, and the ceiling was marked with bizarre designs left by candle smoke—such designs! When La Cibot pulled a greasy acorn tassel on the bell rope, a tiny bell rang weakly from somewhere inside, sounding like it was complaining about cracks in its metal.
Every detail was in keeping with the general dismal effect. La Cibot heard a heavy footstep, and the asthmatic wheezing of a virago within, and Mme. Sauvage presently showed herself. Adrien Brauwer might have painted just such a hag for his picture of Witches starting for the Sabbath; a stout, unwholesome slattern, five feet six inches in height, with a grenadier countenance and a beard which far surpassed La Cibot’s own; she wore a cheap, hideously ugly cotton gown, a bandana handkerchief knotted over hair which she still continued to put in curl papers (using for that purpose the printed circulars which her master received), and a huge pair of gold earrings like cart-wheels in her ears. This female Cerberus carried a battered skillet in one hand, and opening the door, set free an imprisoned odor of scorched milk—a nauseous and penetrating smell, that lost itself at once, however, among the fumes outside.
Every detail added to the overall gloomy atmosphere. La Cibot heard a heavy footstep and the asthmatic wheezing of a loud woman inside, and soon Mme. Sauvage appeared. Adrien Brauwer could have painted just such a hag for his piece Witches starting for the Sabbath; a stout, unhealthy-looking woman, five feet six inches tall, with a masculine face and a beard that was even longer than La Cibot’s. She wore a cheap, hideously ugly cotton dress, a bandana tied over hair she still rolled in curlers (using the printed circulars her boss received for that), and huge gold earrings that were as big as cart-wheels. This female Cerberus carried a battered skillet in one hand, and as she opened the door, she released a trapped odor of scorched milk—a nauseating and overwhelming smell that quickly faded away in the outside fumes.
“What can I do for you, missus?” demanded Mme. Sauvage, and with a truculent air she looked La Cibot over; evidently she was of the opinion that the visitor was too well dressed, and her eyes looked the more murderous because they were naturally bloodshot.
“What can I do for you, ma'am?” asked Mme. Sauvage, peering at La Cibot with a fierce expression; it was clear she thought the visitor was too well-dressed, and her bloodshot eyes made her glare even more intense.
“I have come to see M. Fraisier; his friend, Dr. Poulain, sent me.”
“I've come to see M. Fraisier; his friend, Dr. Poulain, sent me.”
“Oh! come in, missus,” said La Sauvage, grown very amiable of a sudden, which proves that she was prepared for this morning visit.
“Oh! come in, ma'am,” said La Sauvage, suddenly becoming very friendly, which shows that she was ready for this morning visit.
With a sweeping courtesy, the stalwart woman flung open the door of a private office, which looked upon the street, and discovered the ex-attorney of Mantes.
With a sweeping gesture, the strong woman threw open the door of a private office that overlooked the street and found the former attorney of Mantes.
The room was a complete picture of a third-rate solicitor’s office; with the stained wooden cases, the letter-files so old that they had grown beards (in ecclesiastical language), the red tape dangling limp and dejected, the pasteboard boxes covered with traces of the gambols of mice, the dirty floor, the ceiling tawny with smoke. A frugal allowance of wood was smouldering on a couple of fire-dogs on the hearth. And on the chimney-piece above stood a foggy mirror and a modern clock with an inlaid wooden case; Fraisier had picked it up at an execution sale, together with the tawdry imitation rococo candlesticks, with the zinc beneath showing through the lacquer in several places.
The room looked like a rundown lawyer's office, with stained wooden cabinets, letter files so old they seemed to have grown beards (according to church lingo), limp and sad red tape, cardboard boxes showing signs of mouse activity, a dirty floor, and a ceiling that was yellowed from smoke. A small amount of wood was smoldering on a couple of fire-dogs in the hearth. On the mantel above, there was a cloudy mirror and a modern clock with an inlaid wooden case; Fraisier had picked it up at an auction, along with some cheap imitation rococo candlesticks, where the zinc was showing through the lacquer in several spots.
M. Fraisier was small, thin, and unwholesome looking; his red face, covered with an eruption, told of tainted blood; and he had, moreover, a trick of continually scratching his right arm. A wig pushed to the back of his head displayed a brick-colored cranium of ominous conformation. This person rose from a cane-seated armchair, in which he sat on a green leather cushion, assumed an agreeable expression, and brought forward a chair.
M. Fraisier was short, thin, and looked unhealthy; his red face, marked by a rash, hinted at bad blood; he also had a habit of constantly scratching his right arm. A wig pushed back on his head revealed a brick-colored skull with a concerning shape. He got up from a cane-seated armchair, which he was sitting on with a green leather cushion, put on a friendly expression, and brought forward a chair.
“Mme. Cibot, I believe?” queried he, in dulcet tones.
“Madam Cibot, I believe?” he asked, in a sweet voice.
“Yes, sir,” answered the portress. She had lost her habitual assurance.
“Yes, sir,” replied the doorkeeper. She had lost her usual confidence.
Something in the tones of a voice which strongly resembled the sounds of the little door-bell, something in a glance even sharper than the sharp green eyes of her future legal adviser, scared Mme. Cibot. Fraisier’s presence so pervaded the room, that any one might have thought there was pestilence in the air; and in a flash Mme. Cibot understood why Mme. Florimond had not become Mme. Fraisier.
Something in the tones of a voice that closely resembled the sound of the little doorbell, something in a glance even sharper than the sharp green eyes of her future lawyer, frightened Mme. Cibot. Fraisier’s presence filled the room so completely that anyone might have thought there was a plague in the air; and in an instant, Mme. Cibot realized why Mme. Florimond hadn’t become Mme. Fraisier.
“Poulain told me about you, my dear madame,” said the lawyer, in the unnatural fashion commonly described by the words “mincing tones”; tones sharp, thin, and grating as verjuice, in spite of all his efforts.
“Poulain told me about you, my dear madam,” said the lawyer, in the unnatural way commonly described as “mincing tones”; tones sharp, thin, and grating like sour juice, despite all his efforts.
Arrived at this point, he tried to draw the skirts of his dressing-gown over a pair of angular knees encased in threadbare felt. The robe was an ancient printed cotton garment, lined with wadding which took the liberty of protruding itself through various slits in it here and there; the weight of this lining had pulled the skirts aside, disclosing a dingy-hued flannel waistcoat beneath. With something of a coxcomb’s manner, Fraisier fastened this refractory article of dress, tightening the girdle to define his reedy figure; then with a blow of the tongs, he effected a reconciliation between two burning brands that had long avoided one another, like brothers after a family quarrel. A sudden bright idea struck him, and he rose from his chair.
Once he got to this point, he tried to pull the edges of his dressing gown over a pair of bony knees covered in worn-out felt. The robe was an old printed cotton piece, lined with stuffing that poked through various rips here and there; the weight of this lining had pulled the hems aside, revealing a dull-colored flannel waistcoat underneath. With a bit of a show-off attitude, Fraisier fastened this stubborn piece of clothing, tightening the belt to accentuate his skinny frame; then, with a hit from the tongs, he brought together two burning logs that had long stayed apart, like brothers after a family fight. A sudden bright idea came to him, and he got up from his chair.
“Mme. Sauvage!” called he.
“Mrs. Sauvage!” he called.
“Well?”
"What's up?"
“I am not at home to anybody!”
"I'm not tied down to anyone!"
“Eh! bless your life, there’s no need to say that!”
“Hey! No need to say that!”
“She is my old nurse,” the lawyer said in some confusion.
“She is my former nurse,” the lawyer said, a bit confused.
“And she has not recovered her figure yet,” remarked the heroine of the Halles.
“And she hasn't gotten her figure back yet,” remarked the heroine of the Halles.
Fraisier laughed, and drew the bolt lest his housekeeper should interrupt Mme. Cibot’s confidences.
Fraisier laughed and locked the door to prevent his housekeeper from interrupting Mme. Cibot’s secrets.
“Well, madame, explain your business,” said he, making another effort to drape himself in the dressing-gown. “Any one recommended to me by the only friend I have in the world may count upon me—I may say—absolutely.”
“Well, ma’am, explain what you need,” he said, trying again to wrap himself in the robe. “Anyone recommended to me by the only friend I have in the world can count on my support—I can say—without a doubt.”
For half an hour Mme. Cibot talked, and the man of law made no interruption of any sort; his face wore the expression of curious interest with which a young soldier listens to a pensioner of “The Old Guard.” Fraisier’s silence and acquiescence, the rapt attention with which he appeared to listen to a torrent of gossip similar to the samples previously given, dispelled some of the prejudices inspired in La Cibot’s mind by his squalid surroundings. The little lawyer with the black-speckled green eyes was in reality making a study of his client. When at length she came to a stand and looked to him to speak, he was seized with a fit of the complaint known as a “churchyard cough,” and had recourse to an earthenware basin half full of herb tea, which he drained.
For half an hour, Mme. Cibot talked, and the lawyer didn’t interrupt her at all; he looked genuinely interested, like a young soldier listening to a veteran from “The Old Guard.” Fraisier’s silence and how attentively he listened to her endless gossip, which was just like the examples before, began to change some of the biases La Cibot had because of his messy surroundings. The little lawyer with the green eyes speckled with black was actually studying his client. When she finally paused and looked at him expectantly, he was suddenly taken over by a coughing fit, often called a “churchyard cough,” and reached for an earthenware bowl that was half-full of herbal tea, which he drank down.
“But for Poulain, my dear madame, I should have been dead before this,” said Fraisier, by way of answer to the portress’ look of motherly compassion; “but he will bring me round, he says—”
“But for Poulain, my dear madam, I would have been dead by now,” said Fraisier, in response to the portress's look of motherly compassion; “but he says he will help me recover—”
As all the client’s confidences appeared to have slipped from the memory of her legal adviser, she began to cast about for a way of taking leave of a man so apparently near death.
As it seemed like her lawyer had forgotten all the things she had shared with him, she started looking for a way to say goodbye to a man who seemed so close to death.
“In an affair of this kind, madame,” continued the attorney from Mantes, suddenly returning to business, “there are two things which it is most important to know. In the first place, whether the property is sufficient to be worth troubling about; and in the second, who the next-of-kin may be; for if the property is the booty, the next-of-kin is the enemy.”
“In a situation like this, ma'am,” the lawyer from Mantes said, shifting back to the matter at hand, “there are two crucial things you need to know. First, whether the property is valuable enough to be worth the hassle; and second, who the next of kin is; because if the property is the prize, the next of kin is the foe.”
La Cibot immediately began to talk of Remonencq and Elie Magus, and said that the shrewd couple valued the pictures at six hundred thousand francs.
La Cibot immediately started talking about Remonencq and Elie Magus, saying that the savvy couple estimated the paintings to be worth six hundred thousand francs.
“Would they take them themselves at that price?” inquired the lawyer. “You see, madame, that men of business are shy of pictures. A picture may mean a piece of canvas worth a couple of francs or a painting worth two hundred thousand. Now, paintings worth two hundred thousand francs are usually well known; and what errors in judgment people make in estimating even the most famous pictures of all! There was once a great capitalist whose collection was admired, visited, and engraved—actually engraved! He was supposed to have spent millions of francs on it. He died, as men must, and—well, his genuine pictures did not fetch more than two hundred thousand francs! You must let me see these gentlemen.—Now for the next-of-kin,” and Fraisier again relapsed into his attitude of listener.
“Would they actually buy them at that price?” asked the lawyer. “You see, ma’am, that business people are hesitant about artwork. A piece might just be a canvas worth a few francs or a painting worth two hundred thousand. Now, paintings that are worth two hundred thousand francs are usually well-known; and look at the mistakes people make in judging even the most famous artworks! There was once a wealthy collector whose collection was admired, visited, and even engraved—actually engraved! It was thought he had spent millions of francs on it. He passed away, as we all do, and—well, his authentic paintings didn’t sell for more than two hundred thousand francs! You need to let me meet these gentlemen. —Now for the next of kin,” and Fraisier returned to his role as a listener.
When President Camusot’s name came up, he nodded with a grimace which riveted Mme. Cibot’s attention. She tried to read the forehead and the villainous face, and found what is called in business a “wooden head.”
When President Camusot's name was mentioned, he nodded with a grimace that caught Mme. Cibot's attention. She tried to read his forehead and his mean-looking face, and recognized what they call in business a "wooden head."
“Yes, my dear sir,” repeated La Cibot. “Yes, my M. Pons is own cousin to President Camusot de Marville; he tells me that ten times a day. M. Camusot the silk mercer was married twice—”
“Yes, my dear sir,” La Cibot repeated. “Yes, my M. Pons is a direct cousin of President Camusot de Marville; he tells me that ten times a day. M. Camusot, the silk merchant, was married twice—”
“He that has just been nominated for a peer of France?—”
“He who has just been nominated for a peer of France?—”
“And his first wife was a Mlle. Pons, M. Pons’ first cousin.”
“And his first wife was a Miss Pons, Mr. Pons’ first cousin.”
“Then they are first cousins once removed—”
“Then they are first cousins once removed—”
“They are ‘not cousins.’ They have quarreled.”
“They’re ‘not cousins.’ They’ve fought.”
It may be remembered that before M. Camusot de Marville came to Paris, he was President of the Tribunal of Mantes for five years; and not only was his name still remembered there, but he had kept up a correspondence with Mantes. Camusot’s immediate successor, the judge with whom he had been most intimate during his term of office, was still President of the Tribunal, and consequently knew all about Fraisier.
It’s worth noting that before M. Camusot de Marville arrived in Paris, he was the President of the Tribunal of Mantes for five years. Not only was his name still remembered there, but he also maintained correspondence with Mantes. Camusot’s immediate successor, the judge he was closest to during his time in office, was still the President of the Tribunal and therefore knew all about Fraisier.
“Do you know, madame,” Fraisier said, when at last the red sluices of La Cibot’s torrent tongue were closed, “do you know that your principal enemy will be a man who can send you to the scaffold?”
“Do you know, ma'am,” Fraisier said, when finally the floodgates of La Cibot’s torrent tongue were shut, “do you know that your main enemy will be a man who can send you to the gallows?”
The portress started on her chair, making a sudden spring like a jack-in-the-box.
The gatekeeper jumped in her chair, springing up suddenly like a jack-in-the-box.
“Calm yourself, dear madame,” continued Fraisier. “You may not have known the name of the President of the Chamber of Indictments at the Court of Appeal in Paris; but you ought to have known that M. Pons must have an heir-at-law. M. le President de Marville is your invalid’s sole heir; but as he is a collateral in the third degree, M. Pons is entitled by law to leave his fortune as he pleases. You are not aware either that, six weeks ago at least, M. le President’s daughter married the eldest son of M. le Comte Popinot, peer of France, once Minister of Agriculture, and President of the Board of Trade, one of the most influential politicians of the day. President de Marville is even more formidable through this marriage than in his own quality of head of the Court of Assize.”
“Calm down, dear madam,” continued Fraisier. “You might not know the name of the President of the Chamber of Indictments at the Court of Appeal in Paris, but you should have realized that M. Pons must have a legal heir. M. le President de Marville is the only heir of your invalid, but since he is a distant relative, M. Pons has the legal right to leave his fortune however he wishes. You also may not be aware that, at least six weeks ago, M. le President's daughter married the eldest son of M. le Comte Popinot, a peer of France, who was once the Minister of Agriculture and the President of the Board of Trade, making him one of the most influential politicians of the time. President de Marville is even more powerful because of this marriage than he is in his role as head of the Court of Assize.”
At that word La Cibot shuddered.
At that word, La Cibot flinched.
“Yes, and it is he who sends you there,” continued Fraisier. “Ah! my dear madame, you little know what a red robe means! It is bad enough to have a plain black gown against you! You see me here, ruined, bald, broken in health—all because, unwittingly, I crossed a mere attorney for the crown in the provinces. I was forced to sell my connection at a loss, and very lucky I was to come off with the loss of my money. If I had tried to stand out, my professional position would have gone as well.
“Yes, and he’s the one who sends you there,” continued Fraisier. “Ah! my dear madam, you have no idea what a red robe signifies! It’s bad enough to have a plain black gown against you! Look at me, ruined, bald, and in poor health—all because I unknowingly crossed paths with a mere crown attorney in the provinces. I had to sell my connections at a loss, and I was very lucky to walk away with just the loss of my money. If I had tried to resist, my professional standing would have disappeared too.”
“One thing more you do not know,” he continued, “and this it is. If you had only to do with President Camusot himself, it would be nothing; but he has a wife, mind you!—and if you ever find yourself face to face with that wife, you will shake in your shoes as if you were on the first step of the scaffold, your hair will stand on end. The Presidente is so vindictive that she would spend ten years over setting a trap to kill you. She sets that husband of hers spinning like a top. Through her a charming young fellow committed suicide at the Conciergerie. A count was accused of forgery—she made his character as white as snow. She all but drove a person of the highest quality from the Court of Charles X. Finally, she displaced the Attorney-General, M. de Granville—”
“One more thing you don’t know,” he continued, “and this is it. If it were just you dealing with President Camusot himself, that would be one thing; but he has a wife, you know!—and if you ever come face to face with that wife, you’ll be shaking in your shoes as if you were on the first step of a gallows, your hair will stand on end. The Presidente is so vengeful that she would spend ten years plotting a trap to take you out. She has her husband spinning like a top. Because of her, a charming young guy committed suicide at the Conciergerie. A count was accused of forgery—she made his reputation spotless. She nearly drove a person of high rank out of the Court of Charles X. Finally, she got the Attorney-General, M. de Granville, removed—”
“That lived in the Rue Vieille-du-Temple, at the corner of the Rue Saint-Francois?”
“That lived on Rue Vieille-du-Temple, at the corner of Rue Saint-François?”
“The very same. They say that she means to make her husband Home Secretary, and I do not know that she will not gain her end.—If she were to take it into her head to send us both to the Criminal Court first and the hulks afterwards—I should apply for a passport and set sail for America, though I am as innocent as a new-born babe. So well I know what justice means. Now, see here, my dear Mme. Cibot; to marry her only daughter to young Vicomte Popinot (heir to M. Pillerault, your landlord, it is said)—to make that match, she stripped herself of her whole fortune, so much so that the President and his wife have nothing at this moment except his official salary. Can you suppose, my dear madame, that under the circumstances Mme. la Presidente will let M. Pons’ property go out of the family without a word?—Why, I would sooner face guns loaded with grape-shot than have such a woman for my enemy—”
“The exact same. They say she wants to make her husband the Home Secretary, and I can't say she won’t succeed. If she decided to send us both to the Criminal Court first and then to prison afterwards, I would apply for a passport and head to America, even though I'm as innocent as a newborn baby. I know very well what justice means. Now, listen, my dear Mme. Cibot; to marry her only daughter to young Vicomte Popinot (who is said to be the heir to M. Pillerault, your landlord)—to make that match, she gave up her entire fortune, to the point where the President and his wife currently have nothing but his official salary. Can you imagine, my dear madame, that under these circumstances Mme. la Presidente would allow M. Pons’ property to leave the family without saying anything? Honestly, I would rather face a hail of bullets than have that woman as my enemy—”
“But they have quarreled,” put in La Cibot.
“But they have argued,” added La Cibot.
“What has that got to do with it?” asked Fraisier. “It is one reason the more for fearing her. To kill a relative of whom you are tired, is something; but to inherit his property afterwards—that is a real pleasure!”
“What does that have to do with it?” asked Fraisier. “That's just one more reason to be afraid of her. Killing a relative you're fed up with is one thing, but inheriting their property afterward—that’s a real thrill!”
“But the old gentleman has a horror of his relatives. He says over and over again that these people—M. Cardot, M. Berthier, and the rest of them (I can’t remember their names)—have crushed him as a tumbril cart crushes an egg—”
“But the old guy can't stand his relatives. He keeps saying that these people—M. Cardot, M. Berthier, and the others (I can't remember their names)—have broken him like a cartwheel crushes an egg—”
“Have you a mind to be crushed too?”
“Do you want to get crushed too?”
“Oh dear! oh dear!” cried La Cibot. “Ah! Ma’am Fontaine was right when she said that I should meet with difficulties: still, she said that I should succeed—”
“Oh no! oh no!” cried La Cibot. “Ah! Ms. Fontaine was right when she said I would face challenges: still, she said I would succeed—”
“Listen, my dear Mme. Cibot.—As for making some thirty thousand francs out of this business—that is possible; but for the whole of the property, it is useless to think of it. We talked over your case yesterday evening, Dr. Poulain and I—”
“Listen, my dear Mme. Cibot. As for making around thirty thousand francs from this deal—that’s possible; but thinking about the entire property is pointless. We discussed your situation last night, Dr. Poulain and I—”
La Cibot started again.
La Cibot began again.
“Well, what is the matter?”
"What's the matter?"
“But if you knew about the affair, why did you let me chatter away like a magpie?”
“But if you knew about the affair, why did you let me talk on and on like a magpie?”
“Mme. Cibot, I knew all about your business, but I knew nothing of Mme. Cibot. So many clients, so many characters—”
“Mme. Cibot, I was aware of your business, but I didn’t know anything about you, Mme. Cibot. So many clients, so many personalities—”
Mme. Cibot gave her legal adviser a queer look at this; all her suspicions gleamed in her eyes. Fraisier saw this.
Mme. Cibot shot her legal adviser a strange look at this; all her suspicions sparkled in her eyes. Fraisier noticed this.
“I resume,” he continued. “So, our friend Poulain was once called in by you to attend old M. Pillerault, the Countess Popinot’s great-uncle; that is one of your claims to my devotion. Poulain goes to see your landlord (mark this!) once a fortnight; he learned all these particulars from him. M. Pillerault was present at his grand-nephew’s wedding—for he is an uncle with money to leave; he has an income of fifteen thousand francs, though he has lived like a hermit for the last five-and-twenty years, and scarcely spends a thousand crowns—well, he told Poulain all about this marriage. It seems that your old musician was precisely the cause of the row; he tried to disgrace his own family by way of revenge.—If you only hear one bell, you only hear one sound.—Your invalid says that he meant no harm, but everybody thinks him a monster of—”
“I’ll continue,” he said. “So, our friend Poulain was once called in by you to check up on the elderly M. Pillerault, the Countess Popinot’s great-uncle; that’s one reason for my loyalty to you. Poulain visits your landlord (note this!) every two weeks; he got all this information from him. M. Pillerault attended his grand-nephew’s wedding—he’s an uncle with money to give; he has an income of fifteen thousand francs, even though he’s lived like a recluse for the past twenty-five years and hardly spends a thousand crowns—well, he informed Poulain all about this marriage. It seems that your old musician was actually the cause of the trouble; he tried to embarrass his own family out of spite.—If you only hear one bell, you only hear one sound.—Your sick friend says he meant no harm, but everyone thinks he’s a monster of—”
“And it would not astonish me if he was!” cried La Cibot. “Just imagine it!—For these ten years past I have been money out of pocket for him, spending my savings on him, and he knows it, and yet he will not let me lie down to sleep on a legacy!—No, sir! he will not. He is obstinate, a regular mule he is.—I have talked to him these ten days, and the cross-grained cur won’t stir no more than a sign-post. He shuts his teeth and looks at me like—The most that he would say was that he would recommend me to M. Schmucke.”
“And it wouldn't surprise me if he was!” exclaimed La Cibot. “Just think about it! For the last ten years, I've been out of pocket for him, spending my savings on him, and he knows it, yet he won't let me rest on a legacy! No way! He simply will not. He's stubborn, just like a mule. I've talked to him for the last ten days, and the grumpy jerk won't budge an inch. He just grits his teeth and stares at me like—The most he would say was that he would recommend me to M. Schmucke.”
“Then he means to make his will in favor of this Schmucke?”
“Then he plans to make his will in favor of this Schmucke?”
“Everything will go to him—”
“Everything will go to him—”
“Listen, my dear Mme. Cibot, if I am to arrive at any definite conclusions and think of a plan, I must know M. Schmucke. I must see the property and have some talk with this Jew of whom you speak; and then, let me direct you—”
“Listen, my dear Mme. Cibot, if I’m going to come to any clear conclusions and think of a plan, I need to know M. Schmucke. I need to see the property and have a conversation with this Jew you’re talking about; and then, let me guide you—”
“We shall see, M. Fraisier.”
"We'll see, M. Fraisier."
“What is this? ‘We shall see?’” repeated Fraisier, speaking in the voice natural to him, as he gave La Cibot a viperous glance. “Am I your legal adviser or am I not, I say? Let us know exactly where we stand.”
“What is this? ‘We shall see?’” repeated Fraisier, using his usual tone as he shot La Cibot a venomous look. “Am I your legal adviser or not? Let's clarify exactly where we stand.”
La Cibot felt that he read her thoughts. A cold chill ran down her back.
La Cibot felt like he could read her mind. A cold chill ran down her spine.
“I have told you all I know,” she said. She saw that she was at the tiger’s mercy.
“I’ve shared everything I know,” she said. She realized that she was at the tiger's mercy.
“We attorneys are accustomed to treachery. Just think carefully over your position; it is superb.—If you follow my advice point by point, you will have thirty or forty thousand francs. But there is a reverse side to this beautiful medal. How if the Presidente comes to hear that M. Pons’ property is worth a million of francs, and that you mean to have a bit out of it?—for there is always somebody ready to take that kind of errand—” he added parenthetically.
“We lawyers are used to betrayal. Just think about your situation; it's excellent. If you follow my advice step by step, you'll end up with thirty or forty thousand francs. But there’s a downside to this shiny opportunity. What if the Presidente finds out that M. Pons’ property is worth a million francs and that you intend to take a cut from it?—because there’s always someone willing to take on that kind of job,” he added as a side note.
This remark, and the little pause that came before and after it, sent another shudder through La Cibot. She thought at once that Fraisier himself would probably undertake that office.
This comment, along with the brief pause before and after it, sent another shiver through La Cibot. She immediately thought that Fraisier would likely take on that role.
“And then, my dear client, in ten minutes old Pillerault is asked to dismiss you, and then on a couple of hours’ notice—”
“And then, my dear client, in ten minutes old Pillerault is asked to let you go, and then with just a couple of hours' notice—”
“What does that matter to me?” said La Cibot, rising to her feet like a Bellona; “I shall stay with the gentlemen as their housekeeper.”
“What does that matter to me?” La Cibot said, getting up to her feet like a warrior; “I’ll stay with the guys as their housekeeper.”
“And then, a trap will be set for you, and some fine morning you and your husband will wake up in a prison cell, to be tried for your lives—”
“And then, a trap will be set for you, and one fine morning you and your husband will wake up in a prison cell, facing trial for your lives—”
“I?” cried La Cibot, “I that have not a farthing that doesn’t belong to me?... I!... I!”
“Me?” cried La Cibot, “I, who don’t have a penny that isn’t someone else’s?... Me!... Me!”
For five minutes she held forth, and Fraisier watched the great artist before him as she executed a concerto of self-praise. He was quite untouched, and even amused by the performance. His keen glances pricked La Cibot like stilettos; he chuckled inwardly, till his shrunken wig was shaking with laughter. He was a Robespierre at an age when the Sylla of France was make couplets.
For five minutes, she went on and on, and Fraisier looked at the great artist in front of him as she played a tune of self-admiration. He was completely unfazed, even entertained by the show. His sharp looks jabbed La Cibot like needles; he chuckled to himself until his thinning wig shook with laughter. He was a Robespierre at a time when the Sylla of France was writing couplets.
“And how? and why? And on what pretext?” demanded she, when she had come to an end.
“And how? And why? And on what excuse?” she asked when she had finished.
“You wish to know how you may come to the guillotine?”
“You want to know how you could end up at the guillotine?”
La Cibot turned pale as death at the words; the words fell like a knife upon her neck. She stared wildly at Fraisier.
La Cibot turned as pale as a ghost at the words; they hit her like a knife to the neck. She stared at Fraisier in shock.
“Listen to me, my dear child,” began Fraisier, suppressing his inward satisfaction at his client’s discomfiture.
“Listen to me, my dear child,” started Fraisier, holding back his inner satisfaction at seeing his client uncomfortable.
“I would sooner leave things as they are—” murmured La Cibot, and she rose to go.
“I would rather leave things as they are—” murmured La Cibot, and she got up to leave.
“Stay,” Fraisier said imperiously. “You ought to know the risks that you are running; I am bound to give you the benefit of my lights.—You are dismissed by M. Pillerault, we will say; there is no doubt about that, is there? You enter the service of these two gentlemen. Very good! That is a declaration of war against the Presidente. You mean to do everything you can to gain possession of the property, and to get a slice of it at any rate—
“Stay,” Fraisier said commandingly. “You need to understand the risks you're taking; I have to share my insights with you. You’ve been let go by M. Pillerault, we can agree on that, right? Now you’re working for these two gentlemen. Fine! That’s like declaring war on the Presidente. You’re planning to do whatever it takes to grab hold of the property and get a piece of it no matter what—
“Oh, I am not blaming you,” Fraisier continued, in answer to a gesture from his client. “It is not my place to do so. This is a battle, and you will be led on further than you think for. One grows full of one’s ideas, one hits hard—”
“Oh, I’m not blaming you,” Fraisier continued, responding to a gesture from his client. “That’s not my place. This is a fight, and you’ll be pushed further than you expect. You get caught up in your own ideas, you strike hard—”
Another gesture of denial. This time La Cibot tossed her head.
Another sign of refusal. This time, La Cibot shook her head.
“There, there, old lady,” said Fraisier, with odious familiarity, “you will go a very long way!—”
“There, there, old lady,” said Fraisier, with a disgusting level of familiarity, “you’re going to go a long way!”
“You take me for a thief, I suppose?”
“You think I’m a thief, I guess?”
“Come, now, mamma, you hold a receipt in M. Schmucke’s hand which did not cost you much.—Ah! you are in the confessional, my lady! Don’t deceive your confessor, especially when the confessor has the power of reading your thoughts.”
“Come on, Mom, you have a receipt in M. Schmucke’s hand that didn't cost you much.—Ah! You're in the confessional, my lady! Don't lie to your confessor, especially when the confessor can read your thoughts.”
La Cibot was dismayed by the man’s perspicacity; now she knew why he had listened to her so intently.
La Cibot was shocked by the man’s insight; now she understood why he had paid so much attention to her.
“Very good,” continued he, “you can admit at once that the Presidente will not allow you to pass her in the race for the property.—You will be watched and spied upon.—You get your name into M. Pons’ will; nothing could be better. But some fine day the law steps in, arsenic is found in a glass, and you and your husband are arrested, tried, and condemned for attempting the life of the Sieur Pons, so as to come by your legacy. I once defended a poor woman at Versailles; she was in reality as innocent as you would be in such a case. Things were as I have told you, and all that I could do was to save her life. The unhappy creature was sentenced to twenty years’ penal servitude. She is working out her time now at St. Lazare.”
“Very good,” he continued, “you have to admit that the Presidente won’t let you win the property race. You’ll be watched and monitored. You’ve gotten your name in M. Pons’ will; there’s nothing better than that. But one day, the law might intervene, arsenic could be discovered in a glass, and you and your husband would be arrested, tried, and convicted for trying to kill Sieur Pons to secure your inheritance. I once defended a poor woman in Versailles; she was just as innocent as you would be in a situation like that. It happened just as I’ve said, and all I could do was save her life. The unfortunate woman was sentenced to twenty years of hard labor. She’s serving her time now at St. Lazare.”
Mme. Cibot’s terror grew to the highest pitch. She grew paler and paler, staring at the little, thin man with the green eyes, as some wretched Moor, accused of adhering to her own religion, might gaze at the inquisitor who doomed her to the stake.
Mme. Cibot’s fear hit its peak. She became increasingly pale, staring at the small, thin man with green eyes, like a miserable Moor accused of following her own faith might stare at the inquisitor who condemned her to the stake.
“Then, do you tell me, that if I leave you to act, and put my interests in your hands, I shall get something without fear?”
“Then, are you telling me that if I let you take charge and trust you with my interests, I’ll get something without worry?”
“I guarantee you thirty thousand francs,” said Fraisier, speaking like a man sure of the fact.
“I guarantee you thirty thousand francs,” said Fraisier, speaking like someone who is confident in what they're saying.
“After all, you know how fond I am of dear Dr. Poulain,” she began again in her most coaxing tones; “he told me to come to you, worthy man, and he did not send me here to be told that I shall be guillotined for poisoning some one.”
“After all, you know how much I care about dear Dr. Poulain,” she started again in her sweetest voice; “he told me to come to you, good man, and he didn’t send me here to be told that I’ll be executed for poisoning someone.”
The thought of the guillotine so moved her that she burst into tears, her nerves were shaken, terror clutched at her heart, she lost her head. Fraisier gloated over his triumph. When he saw his client hesitate, he thought that he had lost his chance; he had set himself to frighten and quell La Cibot till she was completely in his power, bound hand and foot. She had walked into his study as a fly walks into a spider’s web; there she was doomed to remain, entangled in the toils of the little lawyer who meant to feed upon her. Out of this bit of business, indeed, Fraisier meant to gain the living of old days; comfort, competence, and consideration. He and his friend Dr. Poulain had spent the whole previous evening in a microscopic examination of the case; they had made mature deliberations. The doctor described Schmucke for his friend’s benefit, and the alert pair had plumbed all hypotheses and scrutinized all risks and resources, till Fraisier, exultant, cried aloud, “Both our fortunes lie in this!” He had gone so far as to promise Poulain a hospital, and as for himself, he meant to be justice of the peace of an arrondissement.
The thought of the guillotine moved her so much that she burst into tears; her nerves were frayed, terror gripped her heart, and she lost her composure. Fraisier reveled in his victory. When he saw his client hesitate, he worried he had lost his opportunity; he had aimed to scare and control La Cibot until she was completely at his mercy, bound hand and foot. She had entered his office like a fly trapped in a spider’s web; there she was destined to remain, caught in the schemes of the little lawyer who planned to exploit her. From this deal, Fraisier intended to reclaim the comforts of his past—security, stability, and respect. He and his friend Dr. Poulain had spent the entire previous evening carefully examining the case; they had deliberated thoroughly. The doctor described Schmucke for his friend's benefit, and the attentive duo had explored every possibility, weighing all risks and options, until Fraisier, overjoyed, exclaimed, “Our fortunes depend on this!” He even went as far as to promise Poulain a hospital, while he himself aimed to become the justice of the peace in a district.
To be a justice of the peace! For this man with his abundant capacity, for this doctor of law without a pair of socks to his name, the dream was a hippogriff so restive, that he thought of it as a deputy-advocate thinks of the silk gown, as an Italian priest thinks of the tiara. It was indeed a wild dream!
To be a justice of the peace! For this man with his considerable abilities, for this lawyer who had nothing but the clothes on his back, the dream was like a wild mythical creature, so unruly that he envisioned it the way a prosecutor imagines a fancy robe, or an Italian priest imagines the papal tiara. It really was a crazy dream!
M. Vitel, the justice of the peace before whom Fraisier pleaded, was a man of sixty-nine, in failing health; he talked of retiring on a pension; and Fraisier used to talk with Poulain of succeeding him, much as Poulain talked of saving the life of some rich heiress and marrying her afterwards. No one knows how greedily every post in the gift of authority is sought after in Paris. Every one wants to live in Paris. If a stamp or tobacco license falls in, a hundred women rise up as one and stir all their friends to obtain it. Any vacancy in the ranks of the twenty-four collectors of taxes sends a flood of ambitious folk surging in upon the Chamber of Deputies. Decisions are made in committee, all appointments are made by the Government. Now the salary of a justice of the peace, the lowest stipendiary magistrate in Paris, is about six thousand francs. The post of registrar to the court is worth a hundred thousand francs. Few places are more coveted in the administration. Fraisier, as a justice of the peace, with the head physician of a hospital for his friend, would make a rich marriage himself and a good match for Dr. Poulain. Each would lend a hand to each.
M. Vitel, the justice of the peace before whom Fraisier pleaded, was a 69-year-old man in poor health; he spoke of retiring on a pension. Fraisier used to discuss with Poulain the idea of succeeding him, just as Poulain talked about saving the life of a wealthy heiress and marrying her afterward. No one realizes how eagerly every position granted by those in power is pursued in Paris. Everyone wants to live in Paris. If a stamp or tobacco license becomes available, a hundred women come together to rally their friends to get it. Any opening among the twenty-four tax collectors sends a wave of ambitious people rushing into the Chamber of Deputies. Decisions are made in committee, and all appointments are made by the Government. Currently, the salary of a justice of the peace, the lowest paid magistrate in Paris, is about 6,000 francs. The position of court registrar is valued at 100,000 francs. Few positions are more sought after in the administration. Fraisier, as a justice of the peace, with the chief physician of a hospital as his friend, would be in a good position to make a wealthy marriage himself and be a good match for Dr. Poulain. Each would help the other out.
Night set its leaden seal upon the plans made by the sometime attorney of Mantes, and a formidable scheme sprouted up, a flourishing scheme, fertile in harvests of gain and intrigue. La Cibot was the hinge upon which the whole matter turned; and for this reason, any rebellion on the part of the instrument must be at once put down; such action on her part was quite unexpected; but Fraisier had put forth all the strength of his rancorous nature, and the audacious portress lay trampled under his feet.
Night enveloped the plans made by the former attorney of Mantes, and a powerful scheme took root, thriving with opportunities for profit and intrigue. La Cibot was the key to everything, and for this reason, any rebellion from her must be swiftly crushed; her defiance was completely unexpected. However, Fraisier had unleashed all the bitterness within him, and the bold doorkeeper found herself overwhelmed by his dominance.
“Come, reassure yourself, my dear madame,” he remarked, holding out his hand. The touch of the cold, serpent-like skin made a terrible impression upon the portress. It brought about something like a physical reaction, which checked her emotion; Mme. Fontaine’s toad, Astaroth, seemed to her to be less deadly than this poison-sac that wore a sandy wig and spoke in tones like the creaking of a hinge.
“Come, soothe yourself, my dear madam,” he said, extending his hand. The feel of the cold, snake-like skin left a terrible impression on the portress. It triggered a physical reaction that suppressed her feelings; Mme. Fontaine’s toad, Astaroth, seemed to her less dangerous than this toxic being with a sandy wig who spoke in a voice like a creaking hinge.
“Do not imagine that I am frightening you to no purpose,” Fraisier continued. (La Cibot’s feeling of repulsion had not escaped him.) “The affairs which made Mme. la Presidente’s dreadful reputation are so well known at the law-courts, that you can make inquiries there if you like. The great person who was all but sent into a lunatic asylum was the Marquis d’Espard. The Marquis d’Esgrignon was saved from the hulks. The handsome young man with wealth and a great future before him, who was to have married a daughter of one of the first families of France, and hanged himself in a cell of the Conciergerie, was the celebrated Lucien de Rubempre; the affair made a great deal of noise in Paris at the time. That was a question of a will. His mistress, the notorious Esther, died and left him several millions, and they accused the young fellow of poisoning her. He was not even in Paris at the time of her death, nor did he so much as know the woman had left the money to him!—One cannot well be more innocent than that! Well, after M. Camusot examined him, he hanged himself in his cell. Law, like medicine, has its victims. In the first case, one man suffers for the many, and in the second, he dies for science,” he added, and an ugly smile stole over his lips. “Well, I know the risks myself, you see; poor and obscure little attorney as I am, the law has been the ruin of me. My experience was dearly bought—it is all at your service.”
“Don’t think that I’m scaring you for no reason,” Fraisier continued. (He noticed La Cibot’s sense of disgust.) “The events that led to Mme. la Presidente’s terrible reputation are so well-known at the courts that you can ask about them if you want. The important person who was almost sent to a mental asylum was the Marquis d’Espard. The Marquis d’Esgrignon was spared from prison. The handsome young man with wealth and a promising future who was supposed to marry a daughter from one of France's top families and ended up hanging himself in a cell at the Conciergerie was the famous Lucien de Rubempre; that case caused quite a stir in Paris back then. It was about a will. His mistress, the infamous Esther, died and left him several million, and they accused him of poisoning her. He wasn’t even in Paris when she died, and he didn’t even know she had left him the money!—You can’t get more innocent than that! Well, after M. Camusot interrogated him, he hung himself in his cell. The law, like medicine, has its victims. In the first case, one person suffers for the many, and in the second, they die for science,” he added, and an ugly smile crept across his face. “Well, I know the risks myself; poor and unknown little attorney that I am, the law has brought me to ruin. My experience has come at a high price—it’s all yours to use.”
“Thank you, no,” said La Cibot; “I will have nothing to do with it, upon my word!... I shall have nourished ingratitude, that is all! I want nothing but my due; I have thirty years of honesty behind me, sir. M. Pons says that he will recommend me to his friend Schmucke; well and good, I shall end my days in peace with the German, good man.”
“Thank you, but no,” said La Cibot; “I want nothing to do with it, I swear! All I’ll end up with is ingratitude! I just want what’s fair; I have thirty years of honesty to back me up, sir. M. Pons says he’ll recommend me to his friend Schmucke; fine, I’ll live out the rest of my days in peace with that good German.”
Fraisier had overshot his mark. He had discouraged La Cibot. Now he was obliged to remove these unpleasant impressions.
Fraisier had missed the mark. He had let La Cibot down. Now he had to clear up these bad feelings.
“Do not let us give up,” he said; “just go away quietly home. Come, now, we will steer the affair to a good end.”
“Don’t give up on us,” he said; “just go home quietly. Come on, we’ll make sure this ends well.”
“But what about my rentes, what am I to do to get them, and—”
“But what about my rentes? What am I supposed to do to get them, and—”
“And feel no remorse?” he interrupted quickly. “Eh! it is precisely for that that men of business were invented; unless you keep within the law, you get nothing. You know nothing of law; I know a good deal. I will see that you keep on the right side of it, and you can hold your own in all men’s sight. As for your conscience, that is your own affair.”
“And feel no remorse?” he interrupted quickly. “Well! that's exactly why businesspeople were created; if you don’t stay within the law, you won’t get anywhere. You don’t know much about the law; I know quite a bit. I’ll make sure you stay on the right side of it, and you can stand your ground in everyone’s view. As for your conscience, that’s your own business.”
“Very well, tell me how to do it,” returned La Cibot, curious and delighted.
“Sure, tell me how to do it,” La Cibot replied, curious and excited.
“I do not know how yet. I have not looked at the strong points of the case yet; I have been busy with the obstacles. But the first thing to be done is to urge him to make a will; you cannot go wrong over that; and find out, first of all, how Pons means to leave his fortune; for if you were his heir—”
“I don’t know how yet. I haven’t looked at the strong points of the case yet; I’ve been busy with the obstacles. But the first thing to do is to get him to make a will; you can’t go wrong with that; and find out, first of all, how Pons plans to leave his fortune; because if you were his heir—”
“No, no; he does not like me. Ah! if I had but known the value of his gimcracks, and if I had known what I know now about his amours, I should be easy in my mind this day—”
“No, no; he doesn’t like me. Ah! if I had only known how much his trinkets were worth, and if I had known what I know now about his affairs, I would feel at ease today—”
“Keep on, in fact,” broke in Fraisier. “Dying folk have queer fancies, my dear madame; they disappoint hopes many a time. Let him make his will, and then we shall see. And of all things, the property must be valued. So I must see this Remonencq and the Jew; they will be very useful to us. Put entire confidence in me, I am at your disposal. When a client is a friend to me, I am his friend through thick and thin. Friend or enemy, that is my character.”
“Go ahead, really,” interrupted Fraisier. “People who are close to dying often have strange thoughts, my dear madam; they can let you down in unexpected ways. Let him write his will, and then we’ll figure things out. And above all, we need to assess the property’s value. So, I need to talk to this Remonencq and the Jew; they’ll be very helpful to us. Trust me completely, I’m at your service. When a client is a friend to me, I support him no matter what. Whether friend or foe, that’s just who I am.”
“Very well,” said La Cibot, “I am yours entirely; and as for fees, M. Poulain—”
“Sure,” said La Cibot, “I’m completely yours; and about the fees, Mr. Poulain—”
“Let us say nothing about that,” said Fraisier. “Think how you can keep Poulain at the bedside; he is one of the most upright and conscientious men I know; and, you see, we want some one there whom we can trust. Poulain would do better than I; I have lost my character.”
“Let’s not talk about that,” said Fraisier. “Just think about how you can keep Poulain by the bedside; he’s one of the most honest and dedicated guys I know; and, as you can see, we need someone there we can trust. Poulain would be better than me; I’ve lost my reputation.”
“You look as if you had,” said La Cibot; “but, for my own part, I should trust you.”
“You look like you have,” said La Cibot; “but personally, I would trust you.”
“And you would do well. Come to see me whenever anything happens, and—there!—you are an intelligent woman; all will go well.”
“And you’ll do great. Come see me whenever anything comes up, and—there!—you’re a smart woman; everything will be fine.”
“Good-day, M. Fraisier. I hope you will recover your health. Your servant, sir.”
“Good day, Mr. Fraisier. I hope you get better soon. Yours, sir.”
Fraisier went to the door with his client. But this time it was he, and not La Cibot, who was struck with an idea on the threshold.
Fraisier walked to the door with his client. But this time it was him, not La Cibot, who was hit with an idea right on the threshold.
“If you could persuade M. Pons to call me in, it would be a great step.”
“If you could convince M. Pons to bring me in, it would be a big deal.”
“I will try,” said La Cibot.
“I'll try,” La Cibot said.
Fraisier drew her back into his sanctum. “Look here, old lady, I know M. Trognon, the notary of the quarter, very well. If M. Pons has not a notary, mention M. Trognon to him. Make him take M. Trognon—”
Fraisier pulled her back into his private space. “Listen, my dear, I know Mr. Trognon, the local notary, really well. If Mr. Pons doesn’t have a notary, suggest Mr. Trognon to him. Get him to choose Mr. Trognon—”
“Right,” returned La Cibot.
"Okay," replied La Cibot.
And as she came out again she heard the rustle of a dress and the sound of a stealthy, heavy footstep.
And as she stepped out again, she heard the rustle of a dress and the sound of a quiet, heavy footstep.
Out in the street and by herself, Mme. Cibot to some extent recovered her liberty of mind as she walked. Though the influence of the conversation was still upon her, and she had always stood in dread of scaffolds, justice, and judges, she took a very natural resolution which was to bring about a conflict of strategy between her and her formidable legal adviser.
Out on the street alone, Mme. Cibot somewhat regained her freedom of thought as she walked. Although the impact of the conversation lingered, and she had always feared scaffolds, justice, and judges, she made a very logical decision: to create a strategic conflict between herself and her intimidating legal advisor.
“What do I want with other folk?” said she to herself. “Let us make a round sum, and afterwards I will take all that they offer me to push their interests;” and this thought, as will shortly be seen, hastened the poor old musician’s end.
“What do I want with other people?” she said to herself. “Let’s get a decent amount, and then I’ll accept everything they offer me to promote their interests;” and this thought, as will soon be shown, sped up the poor old musician’s end.
“Well, dear M. Schmucke, and how is our dear, adored patient?” asked La Cibot, as she came into the room.
“Well, dear M. Schmucke, how is our beloved patient doing?” asked La Cibot as she walked into the room.
“Fery pad; Bons haf peen vandering all der night.”
“Fery pad; Bons have been wandering all night.”
“Then, what did he say?”
“Then, what did he say?”
“Chust nonsense. He vould dot I haf all his fortune, on kondition dot I sell nodings.—Den he cried! Boor mann! It made me ver’ sad.”
“Such nonsense. He thought that I had all his fortune, on the condition that I sell nothing.—Then he cried! Poor man! It made me very sad.”
“Never mind, honey,” returned the portress. “I have kept you waiting for your breakfast; it is nine o’clock and past; but don’t scold me. I have business on hand, you see, business of yours. Here are we without any money, and I have been out to get some.”
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” replied the doorkeeper. “I’ve kept you waiting for your breakfast; it’s already past nine o’clock, but please don’t be upset with me. I have something important to deal with, something related to you. Here we are without any money, and I went out to get some.”
“Vere?” asked Schmucke.
“Really?” asked Schmucke.
“Of my uncle.”
"My uncle's."
“Onkel?”
"Uncle?"
“Up the spout.”
“Out of luck.”
“Shpout?”
“Shout?”
“Oh! the dear man! how simple he is? No, you are a saint, a love, an archbishop of innocence, a man that ought to be stuffed, as the old actor said. What! you have lived in Paris for twenty-nine years; you saw the Revolution of July, you did, and you have never so much as heard tell of a pawnbroker—a man that lends you money on your things?—I have been pawning our silver spoons and forks, eight of them, thread pattern. Pooh, Cibot can eat his victuals with German silver; it is quite the fashion now, they say. It is not worth while to say anything to our angel there; it would upset him and make him yellower than before, and he is quite cross enough as it is. Let us get him round again first, and afterwards we shall see. What must be must; and we must take things as we find them, eh?”
“Oh! the dear man! How naive he is! No, you’re a saint, a sweetheart, an archbishop of innocence, a man who should be preserved like the old actor said. What! You’ve lived in Paris for twenty-nine years; you witnessed the July Revolution, and you’ve never even heard of a pawnbroker—a person who lends you money for your belongings? I’ve been pawning our silver spoons and forks, eight of them, thread pattern. Pooh, Cibot can eat with German silver; that’s quite trendy now, they say. It’s not worth saying anything to our angel there; it would just upset him and make him even more irritable than he already is. Let’s get him calm again first, and then we’ll see. What must be must; and we’ve got to take things as they come, right?”
“Goot voman! nople heart!” cried poor Schmucke, with a great tenderness in his face. He took La Cibot’s hand and clasped it to his breast. When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes.
“Good woman! Noble heart!” cried poor Schmucke, with great tenderness in his face. He took La Cibot’s hand and pressed it to his chest. When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes.
“There, that will do, Papa Schmucke; how funny you are! This is too bad. I am an old daughter of the people—my heart is in my hand. I have something here, you see, like you have, hearts of gold that you are,” she added, slapping her chest.
“There, that’s enough, Papa Schmucke; you’re so funny! This is unfortunate. I’m just a simple daughter of the people—my heart is open. I have something right here, just like you do, hearts of gold that you are,” she added, patting her chest.
“Baba Schmucke!” continued the musician. “No. To know de tepths of sorrow, to cry mit tears of blood, to mount up in der hefn—dat is mein lot! I shall not lif after Bons—”
“Baba Schmucke!” the musician continued. “No. To know the depths of sorrow, to cry with tears of blood, to ascend into heaven—that is my fate! I shall not live after Bons—”
“Gracious! I am sure you won’t, you are killing yourself.—Listen, pet!”
“Wow! I’m sure you won’t, you’re hurting yourself.—Listen, dear!”
“Bet?”
"Want to bet?"
“Very well, my sonny—”
“Alright, my son—”
“Zonny?”
“Zonny?”
“My lamb, then, if you like it better.”
"My lamb, then, if you prefer it that way."
“It is not more clear.”
“It is not clearer.”
“Oh, well, let me take care of you and tell you what to do; for if you go on like this, I shall have both of you laid up on my hands, you see. To my little way of thinking, we must do the work between us. You cannot go about Paris to give lessons for it tires you, and then you are not fit to do anything afterwards, and somebody must sit up of a night with M. Pons, now that he is getting worse and worse. I will run round to-day to all your pupils and tell them that you are ill; is it not so? And then you can spend the nights with our lamb, and sleep of a morning from five o’clock till, let us say, two in the afternoon. I myself will take the day, the most tiring part, for there is your breakfast and dinner to get ready, and the bed to make, and the things to change, and the doses of medicine to give. I could not hold out for another ten days at this rate. What would become of you if I were to fall ill? And you yourself, it makes one shudder to see you; just look at yourself, after sitting up with him last night!”
“Oh, let me take care of you and tell you what to do; if you keep this up, I'll end up taking care of both of you. In my opinion, we need to share the work. You can’t keep going around Paris giving lessons, it exhausts you, and then you can’t do anything afterward. Someone has to stay up at night with M. Pons since he’s getting worse. I’ll go around to all your students today and let them know you’re sick; isn't that right? Then you can spend the nights with our dear one and sleep in the morning from five until, let’s say, two in the afternoon. I’ll take care of the day, which is the hardest part, since there’s breakfast and dinner to prepare, the bed to make, laundry to do, and medicine to give. I couldn’t keep this up for another ten days. What would happen to you if I got sick? And honestly, it’s scary to see you like this; just look at yourself after staying up with him last night!”
She drew Schmucke to the glass, and Schmucke thought that there was a great change.
She pulled Schmucke to the window, and Schmucke felt that there was a big change.
“So, if you are of my mind, I’ll have your breakfast ready in a jiffy. Then you will look after our poor dear again till two o’clock. Let me have a list of your people, and I will soon arrange it. You will be free for a fortnight. You can go to bed when I come in, and sleep till night.”
“So, if you agree, I’ll have your breakfast ready in no time. Then you’ll take care of our poor dear again until two o’clock. Just give me a list of your people, and I’ll sort it out quickly. You’ll have a break for two weeks. You can go to bed when I get in and sleep until night.”
So prudent did the proposition seem, that Schmucke then and there agreed to it.
The proposition seemed so sensible that Schmucke agreed to it right away.
“Not a word to M. Pons; he would think it was all over with him, you know, if we were to tell him in this way that his engagement at the theatre and his lessons are put off. He would be thinking that he should not find his pupils again, poor gentleman—stuff and nonsense! M. Poulain says that we shall save our Benjamin if we keep him as quiet as possible.”
“Not a word to M. Pons; he would think it was all over for him if we told him like this that his engagement at the theater and his lessons are postponed. He would believe he wouldn’t see his students again, poor guy—nonsense! M. Poulain says we’ll save our Benjamin if we keep him as calm as possible.”
“Ach! fery goot! Pring up der preakfast; I shall make der bett, and gif you die attresses!—You are right; it vould pe too much for me.”
“Ah! Very good! Bring up the breakfast; I will make the bed, and give you the mattresses!—You are right; it would be too much for me.”
An hour later La Cibot, in her Sunday clothes, departed in great state, to the no small astonishment of the Remonencqs; she promised herself that she would support the character of confidential servant of the pair of nutcrackers, in the boarding-schools and private families in which they gave music-lessons.
An hour later, La Cibot, dressed in her Sunday best, left with great fanfare, much to the surprise of the Remonencqs. She promised herself that she would maintain the role of a trusted servant for the two nutcrackers, in the boarding schools and private homes where they taught music lessons.
It is needless to repeat all the gossip in which La Cibot indulged on her round. The members of every family, the head-mistress of every boarding-school, were treated to a variation upon the theme of Pons’ illness. A single scene, which took place in the Illustrious Gaudissart’s private room, will give a sufficient idea of the rest. La Cibot met with unheard-of difficulties, but she succeeded in penetrating at last to the presence. Kings and cabinet ministers are less difficult of access than the manager of a theatre in Paris; nor is it hard to understand why such prodigious barriers are raised between them and ordinary mortals: a king has only to defend himself from ambition; the manager of a theatre has reason to dread the wounded vanity of actors and authors.
It's unnecessary to go over all the gossip that La Cibot spread around. Every family member and the headmistress of every boarding school got a version of Pons’ illness story. One particular scene that took place in the private room of the Illustrious Gaudissart will give you a good idea of the rest. La Cibot faced unbelievable challenges, but she finally managed to get in to see him. Kings and cabinet ministers are easier to reach than a theater manager in Paris; it's easy to see why such huge barriers exist between them and regular people: a king only has to guard against ambition, while a theater manager has to worry about the bruised egos of actors and writers.
La Cibot, however, struck up an acquaintance with the portress, and traversed all distances in a brief space. There is a sort of freemasonry among the porter tribe, and, indeed, among the members of every profession; for each calling has its shibboleth, as well as its insulting epithet and the mark with which it brands its followers.
La Cibot, however, became friends with the doorkeeper and quickly covered all the ground. There’s a kind of unspoken bond among people in the porter profession, and really among everyone in any job; each profession has its own insider language, as well as its offensive nicknames and the labels that identify its members.
“Ah! madame, you are the portress here,” began La Cibot. “I myself am a portress, in a small way, in a house in the Rue de Normandie. M. Pons, your conductor, lodges with us. Oh, how glad I should be to have your place, and see the actors and dancers and authors go past. It is the marshal’s baton in our profession, as the old actor said.”
“Ah! Madame, you’re the doorkeeper here,” La Cibot started. “I’m a doorkeeper too, in a small way, at a house on Rue de Normandie. M. Pons, your guide, stays with us. Oh, how thrilled I would be to have your job and watch the actors, dancers, and writers come and go. It’s the equivalent of a marshal’s baton in our line of work, as the old actor used to say.”
“And how is M. Pons going on, good man?” inquired the portress.
“And how is Mr. Pons doing, good man?” asked the doorkeeper.
“He is not going on at all; he has not left his bed these two months. He will only leave the house feet foremost, that is certain.”
“He's not doing well at all; he hasn't gotten out of bed in two months. He will only leave the house feet first, that’s for sure.”
“He will be missed.”
“He will be missed.”
“Yes. I have come with a message to the manager from him. Just try to get me a word with him, dear.”
“Yes. I’ve come with a message for the manager from him. Just help me get a word with him, please.”
“A lady from M. Pons to see you, sir!” After this fashion did the youth attached to the service of the manager’s office announce La Cibot, whom the portress below had particularly recommended to his care.
“A lady from M. Pons is here to see you, sir!” This is how the young man working in the manager’s office introduced La Cibot, who the doorkeeper downstairs had specifically advised he take care of.
Gaudissart had just come in for a rehearsal. Chance so ordered it that no one wished to speak with him; actors and authors were alike late. Delighted to have news of his conductor, he made a Napoleonic gesture, and La Cibot was admitted.
Gaudissart had just arrived for a rehearsal. By chance, no one wanted to talk to him; both the actors and writers were late. Happy to hear news about his conductor, he made a grand gesture, and La Cibot was let in.
The sometime commercial traveler, now the head of a popular theatre, regarded his sleeping partners in the light of a legitimate wife; they were not informed of all his doings. The flourishing state of his finances had reacted upon his person. Grown big and stout and high-colored with good cheer and prosperity, Gaudissart made no disguise of his transformation into a Mondor.
The occasional sales rep, now the head of a popular theater, viewed his sleeping partners as a legitimate wife; they weren't aware of all his activities. The success of his finances had taken a toll on his appearance. Looking plump and hearty, with a cheerful and prosperous demeanor, Gaudissart openly embraced his transformation into a Mondor.
“We are turning into a city-father,” he once said, trying to be the first to laugh.
“We're becoming a city-father,” he once said, trying to be the first to laugh.
“You are only in the Turcaret stage yet, though,” retorted Bixiou, who often replaced Gaudissart in the company of the leading lady of the ballet, the celebrated Heloise Brisetout.
"You’re still in the Turcaret stage, though," replied Bixiou, who often took Gaudissart's place when he was with the famous ballet star, Heloise Brisetout.
The former Illustrious Gaudissart, in fact, was exploiting the theatre simply and solely for his own particular benefit, and with brutal disregard of other interests. He first insinuated himself as a collaborator in various ballets, plays, and vaudevilles; then he waited till the author wanted money and bought up the other half of the copyright. These after-pieces and vaudevilles, always added to successful plays, brought him in a daily harvest of gold coins. He trafficked by proxy in tickets, allotting a certain number to himself, as the manager’s share, till he took in this way a tithe of the receipts. And Gaudissart had other methods of making money besides these official contributions. He sold boxes, he took presents from indifferent actresses burning to go upon the stage to fill small speaking parts, or simply to appear as queens, or pages, and the like; he swelled his nominal third share of the profits to such purpose that the sleeping partners scarcely received one-tenth instead of the remaining two-thirds of the net receipts. Even so, however, the tenth paid them a dividend of fifteen per cent on their capital. On the strength of that fifteen per cent Gaudissart talked of his intelligence, honesty, and zeal, and the good fortune of his partners. When Count Popinot, showing an interest in the concern, asked Matifat, or General Gouraud (Matifat’s son-in-law), or Crevel, whether they were satisfied with Gaudissart, Gouraud, now a peer of France, answered, “They say he robs us; but he is such a clever, good-natured fellow, that we are quite satisfied.”
The former esteemed Gaudissart was actually using the theater solely for his own gain, showing a complete disregard for other interests. He first wormed his way in as a collaborator on various ballets, plays, and vaudevilles; then he waited until the author was in need of cash and bought up the other half of the copyright. These after-pieces and vaudevilles, always added to successful plays, brought him in a steady stream of cash. He dealt in tickets indirectly, reserving a certain number for himself as the manager’s cut, allowing him to pocket about ten percent of the revenue. Gaudissart also had other ways of making money besides these official contributions. He sold boxes, accepted bribes from aspiring actresses desperate to land small speaking roles or just appear as queens, pages, and so on; he inflated his supposed share of the profits to such an extent that the silent partners barely received one-tenth of what should have been two-thirds of the net income. Even with that, though, the ten percent still paid them a dividend of fifteen percent on their investment. Thanks to that fifteen percent, Gaudissart boasted about his intelligence, integrity, and hard work, as well as the luck of his partners. When Count Popinot, curious about the business, asked Matifat, or General Gouraud (Matifat’s son-in-law), or Crevel if they were happy with Gaudissart, Gouraud, now a peer of France, replied, “They say he’s robbing us; but he’s such a clever, good-natured guy that we’re quite happy.”
“This is like La Fontaine’s fable,” smiled the ex-cabinet minister.
“This is like La Fontaine’s fable,” smiled the former cabinet minister.
Gaudissart found investments for his capital in other ventures. He thought well of Schwab, Brunner, and the Graffs; that firm was promoting railways, he became a shareholder in the lines. His shrewdness was carefully hidden beneath the frank carelessness of a man of pleasure; he seemed to be interested in nothing but amusements and dress, yet he thought everything over, and his wide experience of business gained as a commercial traveler stood him in good stead.
Gaudissart invested his money in different ventures. He had a high opinion of Schwab, Brunner, and the Graffs; that firm was promoting railways, so he became a shareholder in the lines. His cleverness was carefully disguised under the straightforward nonchalance of a carefree person; he appeared to be interested only in fun and fashion, yet he considered everything thoroughly, and his extensive experience in business acquired as a sales representative served him well.
A self-made man, he did not take himself seriously. He gave suppers and banquets to celebrities in rooms sumptuously furnished by the house decorator. Showy by nature, with a taste for doing things handsomely, he affected an easy-going air, and seemed so much the less formidable because he had kept the slang of “the road” (to use his own expression), with a few green-room phrases superadded. Now, artists in the theatrical profession are wont to express themselves with some vigor; Gaudissart borrowed sufficient racy green-room talk to blend with his commercial traveler’s lively jocularity, and passed for a wit. He was thinking at that moment of selling his license and “going into another line,” as he said. He thought of being chairman of a railway company, of becoming a responsible person and an administrator, and finally of marrying Mlle. Minard, daughter of the richest mayor in Paris. He might hope to get into the Chamber through “his line,” and, with Popinot’s influence, to take office under the Government.
A self-made man, he didn't take himself too seriously. He hosted dinners and parties for celebrities in rooms lavishly decorated by the house stylist. Naturally flashy, with a knack for doing things elegantly, he projected an easy-going vibe and seemed less intimidating because he had retained the slang of “the road” (as he liked to put it), along with a few phrases from the green room. Now, people in the theater often speak quite passionately; Gaudissart picked up enough lively green room lingo to mix with his commercial traveler’s energetic humor, and he was seen as a wit. At that moment, he was considering selling his license and “switching careers,” as he put it. He thought about becoming the chairman of a railway company, stepping into a more serious role as an administrator, and ultimately marrying Mlle. Minard, the daughter of the richest mayor in Paris. He figured he could get into the Chamber through “his line” and, with Popinot’s backing, secure a position in the Government.
“Whom have I the honor of addressing?” inquired Gaudissart, looking magisterially at La Cibot.
“Who do I have the honor of speaking to?” Gaudissart asked, looking authoritatively at La Cibot.
“I am M. Pons’ confidential servant, sir.”
“I’m M. Pons’ personal servant, sir.”
“Well, and how is the dear fellow?”
“Well, how is the dear guy?”
“Ill, sir—very ill.”
"I'm sick, sir—really sick."
“The devil he is! I am sorry to hear it—I must come and see him; he is such a man as you don’t often find.”
“The devil he is! I’m sorry to hear that—I need to come and see him; he’s the kind of guy you don’t often come across.”
“Ah yes! sir, he is a cherub, he is. I have always wondered how he came to be in a theatre.”
“Ah yes! Sir, he’s a cherub, he really is. I’ve always wondered how he ended up in a theater.”
“Why, madame, the theatre is a house of correction for morals,” said Gaudissart. “Poor Pons!—Upon my word, one ought to cultivate the species to keep up the stock. ‘Tis a pattern man, and has talent too. When will he be able to take his orchestra again, do you think? A theatre, unfortunately, is like a stage coach: empty or full, it starts at the same time. Here at six o’clock every evening, up goes the curtain; and if we are never sorry for ourselves, it won’t make good music. Let us see now—how is he?”
“Why, ma'am, the theater is basically a place for fixing morals,” said Gaudissart. “Poor Pons! Honestly, we should nurture the talent to keep it alive. He’s a perfect example, and he has talent too. When do you think he’ll be able to conduct his orchestra again? Unfortunately, a theater is like a stagecoach: whether it’s empty or full, it leaves at the same time. Here, the curtain goes up at six o’clock every evening, and if we never feel sorry for ourselves, it won’t create good music. Now, let’s see—how is he doing?”
La Cibot pulled out her pocket-handkerchief and held it to her eyes.
La Cibot pulled out her tissue and pressed it to her eyes.
“It is a terrible thing to say, my dear sir,” said she; “but I am afraid we shall lose him, though we are as careful of him as of the apple of our eyes. And, at the same time, I came to say that you must not count on M. Schmucke, worthy man, for he is going to sit up with him at night. One cannot help doing as if there was hope still left, and trying one’s best to snatch the dear, good soul from death. But the doctor has given him up——”
“It’s a terrible thing to say, my dear sir,” she said; “but I’m afraid we’re going to lose him, even though we care for him like the apple of our eye. At the same time, I came to tell you that you shouldn’t rely on M. Schmucke, a decent man, because he’s going to stay up with him at night. One can’t help acting as if there’s still hope and doing everything possible to save the dear, good soul from death. But the doctor has given up on him—”
“What is the matter with him?”
"What's wrong with him?"
“He is dying of grief, jaundice, and liver complaint, with a lot of family affairs to complicate matters.”
“He is dying from grief, jaundice, and liver issues, with a lot of family problems making things even more complicated.”
“And a doctor as well,” said Gaudissart. “He ought to have had Lebrun, our doctor; it would have cost him nothing.”
“And a doctor too,” said Gaudissart. “He should have seen Lebrun, our doctor; it wouldn’t have cost him anything.”
“M. Pons’ doctor is a Providence on earth. But what can a doctor do, no matter how clever he is, with such complications?”
“M. Pons’ doctor is a blessing on earth. But what can a doctor do, no matter how skilled he is, with such complications?”
“I wanted the good pair of nutcrackers badly for the accompaniment of my new fairy piece.”
“I really wanted the nice set of nutcrackers to go along with my new fairy piece.”
“Is there anything that I can do for them?” asked La Cibot, and her expression would have done credit to a Jocrisse.
“Is there anything I can do for them?” asked La Cibot, and her expression would have impressed a fool.
Gaudissart burst out laughing.
Gaudissart cracked up.
“I am their housekeeper, sir, and do many things for my gentlemen—” She did not finish her speech, for in the middle of Gaudissart’s roar of laughter a woman’s voice exclaimed, “If you are laughing, old man, one may come in,” and the leading lady of the ballet rushed into the room and flung herself upon the only sofa. The newcomer was Heloise Brisetout, with a splendid algerienne, such as scarves used to be called, about her shoulders.
“I’m their housekeeper, sir, and I do a lot of things for my gentlemen—” She didn't finish her sentence because in the middle of Gaudissart’s loud laughter, a woman’s voice interrupted, “If you’re laughing, old man, someone can come in.” The lead ballerina rushed into the room and threw herself onto the only sofa. The newcomer was Heloise Brisetout, wearing a stunning algerienne, what scarves used to be called, draped over her shoulders.
“Who is amusing you? Is it this lady? What post does she want?” asked this nymph, giving the manager such a glance as artist gives artist, a glance that would make a subject for a picture.
“Who’s making you laugh? Is it this lady? What position does she want?” asked this nymph, giving the manager the kind of look that artists give each other, a look that could be the inspiration for a painting.
Heloise, a young woman of exceedingly literary tastes, was on intimate terms with great and famous artists in Bohemia. Elegant, accomplished, and graceful, she was more intelligent than dancers usually are. As she put her question, she sniffed at a scent-bottle full of some aromatic perfume.
Heloise, a young woman with a deep passion for literature, had close relationships with renowned artists in Bohemia. Sophisticated, skilled, and poised, she was smarter than most dancers. While asking her question, she took a whiff from a bottle filled with a fragrant perfume.
“One fine woman is as good as another, madame; and if I don’t sniff the pestilence out of a scent-bottle, nor daub brickdust on my cheeks—”
“One good-looking woman is as good as another, madam; and if I don’t catch the plague from a perfume bottle, nor smear brick dust on my face—”
“That would be a sinful waste, child, when Nature put it on for you to begin with,” said Heloise, with a side glance at her manager.
“That would be a sinful waste, kid, when Nature gave it to you in the first place,” said Heloise, sneaking a glance at her manager.
“I am an honest woman—”
“I’m an honest woman—”
“So much the worse for you. It is not every one by a long chalk that can find some one to keep them, and kept I am, and in slap-up style, madame.”
“So much the worse for you. It’s not at all common for someone to find someone to support them, and I am indeed supported, and quite well at that, ma'am.”
“So much the worse! What do you mean? Oh, you may toss your head and go about in scarves, you will never have as many declarations as I have had, missus. You will never match the Belle Ecaillere of the Cadran Bleu.”
“So much the worse! What do you mean? Oh, you can flip your hair and walk around in scarves, but you’ll never get as many declarations as I have, miss. You won’t ever compare to the Belle Ecaillere of the Cadran Bleu.”
Heloise Brisetout rose at once to her feet, stood at attention, and made a military salute, like a soldier who meets his general.
Heloise Brisetout immediately got to her feet, stood at attention, and saluted like a soldier meeting his general.
“What?” asked Gaudissart, “are you really La Belle Ecaillere of whom my father used to talk?”
“What?” asked Gaudissart, “are you really La Belle Ecaillere that my dad used to talk about?”
“In that case the cachucha and the polka were after your time; and madame has passed her fiftieth year,” remarked Heloise, and striking an attitude, she declaimed, “‘Cinna, let us be friends.’”
“In that case, the cachucha and the polka were before your time; and madame has turned fifty,” Heloise said, striking a pose as she declared, “‘Cinna, let’s be friends.’”
“Come, Heloise, the lady is not up to this; let her alone.”
“Come on, Heloise, she’s not ready for this; just leave her be.”
“Madame is perhaps the New Heloise,” suggested La Cibot, with sly innocence.
“Madame is maybe the New Heloise,” suggested La Cibot, with a clever innocence.
“Not bad, old lady!” cried Gaudissart.
“Not bad, old lady!” shouted Gaudissart.
“It is a venerable joke,” said the dancer, “a grizzled pun; find us another old lady—or take a cigarette.”
“It’s an old joke,” said the dancer, “a worn-out pun; find us another old lady—or grab a cigarette.”
“I beg your pardon, madame, I feel too unhappy to answer you; my two gentlemen are very ill; and to buy nourishment for them and to spare them trouble, I have pawned everything down to my husband’s clothes that I pledged this morning. Here is the ticket!”
“I’m sorry, madam, I feel too sad to respond; my two gentlemen are very sick; and to buy food for them and to lessen their burden, I’ve pawned everything, even my husband’s clothes, which I pledged this morning. Here’s the ticket!”
“Oh! here, the affair is becoming tragic,” cried the fair Heloise. “What is it all about?”
“Oh! this situation is turning tragic,” exclaimed the beautiful Heloise. “What’s going on?”
“Madame drops down upon us like—”
“Madame drops down on us like—”
“Like a dancer,” said Heloise; “let me prompt you,—missus!”
“Like a dancer,” Heloise said, “let me guide you—ma'am!”
“Come, I am busy,” said Gaudissart. “The joke has gone far enough. Heloise, this is M. Pons’ confidential servant; she had come to tell me that I must not count upon him; our poor conductor is not expected to live. I don’t know what to do.”
“Come on, I’m busy,” Gaudissart said. “This joke has gone on long enough. Heloise, this is M. Pons’ personal servant; she came to tell me that I shouldn’t rely on him; our poor conductor isn’t expected to survive. I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh! poor man; why, he must have a benefit.”
“Oh! Poor guy; he definitely needs some help.”
“It would ruin him,” said Gaudissart. “He might find next day that he owed five hundred francs to charitable institutions, and they refuse to admit that there are any sufferers in Paris except their own. No, look here, my good woman, since you are going in for the Montyon prize——”
“It would ruin him,” said Gaudissart. “He might find out the next day that he owed five hundred francs to charitable organizations, and they won’t accept that there are any people in need in Paris except for their own. No, listen, my good woman, since you’re going for the Montyon prize——”
He broke off, rang the bell, and the youth before mentioned suddenly appeared.
He stopped, rang the bell, and the young man he mentioned before suddenly appeared.
“Tell the cashier to send me up a thousand-franc note.—Sit down, madame.”
“Tell the cashier to bring me a thousand-franc bill.—Please take a seat, ma'am.”
“Ah! poor woman, look, she is crying!” exclaimed Heloise. “How stupid! There, there, mother, we will go to see him; don’t cry.—I say, now,” she continued, taking the manager into a corner, “you want to make me take the leading part in the ballet in Ariane, you Turk. You are going to be married, and you know how I can make you miserable—”
“Ah! Poor woman, look, she’s crying!” Heloise exclaimed. “How silly! There, there, mom, we’ll go see him; don’t cry. —I mean, now,” she continued, pulling the manager into a corner, “you want me to take the lead in the ballet in Ariane, you Turk. You’re getting married, and you know how I can make your life hell—”
“Heloise, my heart is copper-bottomed like a man-of-war.”
“Heloise, my heart is solid and unwavering like a battleship.”
“I shall bring your children on the scene! I will borrow some somewhere.”
“I'll bring your kids onto the scene! I'll find some from somewhere.”
“I have owned up about the attachment.”
“I've acknowledged the attachment.”
“Do be nice, and give Pons’ post to Garangeot; he has talent, poor fellow, and he has not a penny; and I promise peace.”
“Please be kind and give Pons’ position to Garangeot; he has talent, that poor guy, and he doesn’t have a dime; and I promise it will be peaceful.”
“But wait till Pons is dead, in case the good man may come back again.”
“But wait until Pons is dead, just in case the good man comes back again.”
“Oh, as to that, no, sir,” said La Cibot. “He began to wander in his mind last night, and now he is delirious. It will soon be over, unfortunately.”
“Oh, about that, no, sir,” said La Cibot. “He started to lose his grip on reality last night, and now he’s delirious. Unfortunately, it won’t be long now.”
“At any rate, take Garangeot as a stop-gap!” pleaded Heloise. “He has the whole press on his side—”
“At any rate, use Garangeot as a temporary solution!” Heloise urged. “He has the entire press backing him—”
Just at that moment the cashier came in with a note for a thousand francs in his hand.
Just then, the cashier walked in with a note for a thousand francs in his hand.
“Give it to madame here,” said Gaudissart. “Good-day, my good woman; take good care of the dear man, and tell him that I am coming to see him to-morrow, or sometime—as soon as I can, in short.”
“Give it to the lady here,” said Gaudissart. “Good day, ma'am; please take good care of the dear man, and let him know that I’ll come to see him tomorrow, or sometime soon—basically, as soon as I can.”
“A drowning man,” said Heloise.
“A drowning man,” Heloise said.
“Ah, sir, hearts like yours are only found in a theatre. May God bless you!”
“Ah, sir, hearts like yours are only found in a theater. May God bless you!”
“To what account shall I post this item?” asked the cashier.
“Which account should I put this item under?” asked the cashier.
“I will countersign the order. Post it to the bonus account.”
“I'll sign off on the order. Deposit it into the bonus account.”
Before La Cibot went out, she made Mlle. Brisetout a fine courtesy, and heard Gaudissart remark to his mistress:
Before La Cibot stepped out, she gave Mlle. Brisetout a graceful curtsy and heard Gaudissart comment to his mistress:
“Can Garangeot do the dance-music for the Mohicans in twelve days? If he helps me out of my predicament, he shall have Pons’ place.”
“Can Garangeot compose the dance music for the Mohicans in twelve days? If he helps me out of my situation, he will get Pons’ position.”
La Cibot had cut off the incomes of the two friends, she had left them without means of subsistence if Pons should chance to recover, and was better rewarded for all this mischief than for any good that she had done. In a few days’ time her treacherous trick would bring about the desired result—Elie Magus would have his coveted pictures. But if this first spoliation was to be effected, La Cibot must throw dust in Fraisier’s eyes, and lull the suspicions of that terrible fellow-conspirator of her own seeking; and Elie Magus and Remonencq must be bound over to secrecy.
La Cibot had cut off the incomes of the two friends, leaving them without any means to live if Pons happened to recover. She was rewarded for all this trouble more than for any good she had done. In just a few days, her underhanded scheme would achieve the desired outcome—Elie Magus would finally get his prized paintings. But for this initial theft to happen, La Cibot needed to deceive Fraisier and calm the suspicions of that dangerous fellow conspirator she had chosen; Elie Magus and Remonencq also had to be sworn to secrecy.
As for Remonencq, he had gradually come to feel such a passion as uneducated people can conceive when they come to Paris from the depths of the country, bringing with them all the fixed ideas bred of the solitary country life; all the ignorance of a primitive nature, all the brute appetites that become so many fixed ideas. Mme. Cibot’s masculine beauty, her vivacity, her market-woman’s wit, had all been remarked by the marine store-dealer. He thought at first of taking La Cibot from her husband, bigamy among the lower classes in Paris being much more common than is generally supposed; but greed was like a slip-knot drawn more and more tightly about his heart, till reason at length was stifled. When Remonencq computed that the commission paid by himself and Elie Magus amounted to about forty thousand francs, he determined to have La Cibot for his legitimate spouse, and his thoughts turned from a misdemeanor to a crime. A romantic purely speculative dream, persistently followed through a tobacco-smoker’s long musings as he lounged in the doorway, had brought him to the point of wishing that the little tailor were dead. At a stroke he beheld his capital trebled; and then he thought of La Cibot. What a good saleswoman she would be! What a handsome figure she would make in a magnificent shop on the boulevards! The twofold covetousness turned Remonencq’s head. In fancy he took a shop that he knew of on the Boulevard de la Madeleine, he stocked it with Pons’ treasures, and then—after dreaming his dream in sheets of gold, after seeing millions in the blue spiral wreaths that rose from his pipe, he awoke to find himself face to face with the little tailor. Cibot was sweeping the yard, the doorstep, and the pavement just as his neighbor was taking down the shutters and displaying his wares; for since Pons fell ill, La Cibot’s work had fallen to her husband.
As for Remonencq, he gradually developed a passion that uneducated people can have when they arrive in Paris from the countryside, bringing with them all the fixed ideas formed by their isolated rural lives; all the ignorance of a simple nature, and all the basic desires that turn into fixed beliefs. Mme. Cibot’s strong beauty, her energy, her market-woman’s wit, were all noticed by the thrift store dealer. Initially, he considered taking La Cibot away from her husband, as bigamy is much more common among the lower classes in Paris than people generally think; but his greed tightened around his heart like a noose, until his reason was eventually suffocated. When Remonencq calculated that the commission he owed himself and Elie Magus totaled about forty thousand francs, he decided he wanted La Cibot as his legitimate wife, and his thoughts shifted from a minor offense to a serious crime. A purely speculative and romantic dream, persistently entertained during long moments of contemplation as he lounged in the doorway smoking, led him to wish for the little tailor's death. In an instant, he envisioned his capital tripled; and then he thought about La Cibot. What an excellent saleswoman she would be! What a striking presence she would have in a beautiful shop on the boulevards! The dual desire drove Remonencq mad. In his imagination, he took over a shop he knew on the Boulevard de la Madeleine, filled it with Pons’ treasures, and then—after dreaming of his vision filled with gold, after seeing millions in the blue spirals rising from his pipe, he awoke to find himself face to face with the little tailor. Cibot was sweeping the yard, the doorstep, and the pavement just as his neighbor was taking down the shutters and displaying his goods; since Pons had fallen ill, La Cibot’s work had fallen to her husband.
The Auvergnat began to look upon the little, swarthy, stunted, copper-colored tailor as the one obstacle in his way, and pondered how to be rid of him. Meanwhile this growing passion made La Cibot very proud, for she had reached an age when a woman begins to understand that she may grow old.
The Auvergnat started to see the small, dark-skinned, short, copper-colored tailor as the only thing standing in his way and thought about how to get rid of him. At the same time, this blossoming desire made La Cibot feel very proud, as she had reached an age when a woman realizes she might be aging.
So early one morning, she meditatively watched Remonencq as he arranged his odds and ends for sale. She wondered how far his love could go. He came across to her.
So early one morning, she quietly observed Remonencq as he set up his various items for sale. She wondered how deep his love could be. He seemed to connect with her.
“Well,” he said, “are things going as you wish?”
“Well,” he said, “are things going the way you want?”
“It is you who makes me uneasy,” said La Cibot. “I shall be talked about; the neighbors will see you making sheep’s eyes at me.”
“It’s you who makes me feel uneasy,” said La Cibot. “People are going to gossip; the neighbors will notice you giving me those looks.”
She left the doorway and dived into the Auvergnat’s back shop.
She stepped away from the doorway and plunged into the Auvergnat’s back shop.
“What a notion!” said Remonencq.
“What an idea!” said Remonencq.
“Come here, I have something to say to you,” said La Cibot. “M. Pons’ heirs are about to make a stir; they are capable of giving us a lot of trouble. God knows what might come of it if they send the lawyers here to poke their noses into the affair like hunting-dogs. I cannot get M. Schmucke to sell a few pictures unless you like me well enough to keep the secret—such a secret!—With your head on the block, you must not say where the pictures come from, nor who it was that sold them. When M. Pons is once dead and buried, you understand, nobody will know how many pictures there ought to be; if there are fifty-three pictures instead of sixty-seven, nobody will be any the wiser. Besides, if M. Pons sold them himself while he was alive, nobody can find fault.”
“Come here, I need to tell you something,” said La Cibot. “M. Pons’ heirs are about to cause a ruckus; they could really give us a lot of trouble. Who knows what could happen if they send their lawyers here to pry into things like hunting dogs. I can’t get M. Schmucke to sell a few paintings unless you trust me enough to keep it a secret—such a huge secret!—With you on the line, you can’t reveal where the paintings come from or who sold them. Once M. Pons is dead and buried, you see, no one will know how many paintings there should be; if there are fifty-three instead of sixty-seven, no one will be the wiser. Plus, if M. Pons sold them himself while he was alive, no one can complain.”
“No,” agreed Remonencq, “it is all one to me, but M. Elie Magus will want receipts in due form.”
“No,” Remonencq agreed, “it doesn’t matter to me, but M. Elie Magus will want proper receipts.”
“And you shall have your receipt too, bless your life! Do you suppose that I should write them?—No, M. Schmucke will do that. But tell your Jew that he must keep the secret as closely as you do,” she continued.
“And you’ll get your receipt too, bless your heart! Do you think that I should write them?—No, M. Schmucke will take care of that. But tell your Jew that he needs to keep the secret just as tight as you do,” she continued.
“We will be as mute as fishes. That is our business. I myself can read, but I cannot write, and that is why I want a capable wife that has had education like you. I have thought of nothing but earning my bread all my days, and now I wish I had some little Remonencqs. Do leave that Cibot of yours.”
“We’ll be as quiet as fish. That’s our deal. I can read, but I can’t write, and that’s why I want a smart wife who’s educated like you. I’ve only thought about making a living my whole life, and now I wish I had some small reminders. Please get rid of that Cibot of yours.”
“Why, here comes your Jew,” said the portress; “we can arrange the whole business.”
“Look, here comes your Jew,” said the doorkeeper; “we can handle the whole thing.”
Elie Magus came every third day very early in the morning to know when he could buy his pictures. “Well, my dear lady,” said he, “how are we getting on?”
Elie Magus came every third day, really early in the morning, to find out when he could buy his pictures. “Well, my dear lady,” he said, “how's it going?”
“Has nobody been to speak to you about M. Pons and his gimcracks?” asked La Cibot.
“Has no one come to talk to you about M. Pons and his trinkets?” asked La Cibot.
“I received a letter from a lawyer,” said Elie Magus, “a rascal that seems to me to be trying to work for himself; I don’t like people of that sort, so I took no notice of his letter. Three days afterwards he came to see me, and left his card. I told my porter that I am never at home when he calls.”
“I got a letter from a lawyer,” said Elie Magus, “a shady character who seems to be looking out for himself; I don’t trust people like that, so I ignored his letter. Three days later, he came to see me and left his card. I told my doorman that I’m never home when he stops by.”
“You are a love of a Jew,” said La Cibot. Little did she know Elie Magus’ prudence. “Well, sonnies, in a few days’ time I will bring M. Schmucke to the point of selling you seven or eight pictures, ten at most. But on two conditions.—Absolute secrecy in the first place. M. Schmucke will send for you, sir, is not that so? And M. Remonencq suggested that you might be a purchaser, eh?—And, come what may, I will not meddle in it for nothing. You are giving forty-six thousand francs for four pictures, are you not?”
“You’re the love of a Jew,” La Cibot said. She had no idea about Elie Magus’ caution. “Well, guys, in a few days, I’ll get M. Schmucke to sell you seven or eight paintings, ten at the most. But there are two conditions. First, absolute secrecy. M. Schmucke will call for you, right? And M. Remonencq mentioned you might be a buyer, right?—And no matter what, I won’t get involved without a cut. You’re paying forty-six thousand francs for four paintings, aren’t you?”
“So be it,” groaned the Jew.
“So be it,” groaned the man.
“Very good. This is the second condition. You will give me forty-three thousand francs, and pay three thousand only to M. Schmucke; Remonencq will buy four for two thousand francs, and hand over the surplus to me.—But at the same time, you see my dear M. Magus, I am going to help you and Remonencq to a splendid bit of business—on condition that the profits are shared among the three of us. I will introduce you to that lawyer, as he, no doubt, will come here. You shall make a valuation of M. Pons’ things at the prices which you can give for them, so that M. Fraisier may know how much the property is worth. But—not until after our sale, you understand!”
“Great. This is the second condition. You'll give me forty-three thousand francs, and pay only three thousand to M. Schmucke; Remonencq will buy four for two thousand francs and hand over the excess to me. But at the same time, you see, my dear M. Magus, I'm going to help you and Remonencq with an incredible business opportunity—on the condition that we share the profits among the three of us. I'll introduce you to that lawyer since he will likely come here. You’ll assess M. Pons’ belongings at the prices you can offer for them, so M. Fraisier will know how much the property is worth. But—not until after our sale, understood?”
“I understand,” said the Jew, “but it takes time to look at the things and value them.”
“I get it,” said the Jew, “but it takes time to look at the items and assess their worth.”
“You shall have half a day. But, there, that is my affair. Talk it over between yourselves, my boys, and for that matter the business will be settled by the day after to-morrow. I will go round to speak to this Fraisier; for Dr. Poulain tells him everything that goes on in the house, and it is a great bother to keep that scarecrow quiet.”
“You'll have half a day. But that's my concern. Discuss it amongst yourselves, guys, and the matter will be resolved by the day after tomorrow. I'll go talk to this Fraisier; Dr. Poulain tells him everything happening in the house, and it's really a hassle to keep that scarecrow quiet.”
La Cibot met Fraisier halfway between the Rue de la Perle and the Rue de Normandie; so impatient was he to know the “elements of the case” (to use his own expression), that he was coming to see her.
La Cibot met Fraisier halfway between the Rue de la Perle and the Rue de Normandie; he was so eager to learn the “elements of the case” (as he put it) that he was on his way to see her.
“I say! I was going to you,” said she.
“I say! I was on my way to you,” she said.
Fraisier grumbled because Elie Magus had refused to see him. But La Cibot extinguished the spark of distrust that gleamed in the lawyer’s eyes by informing him that Elie Magus had returned from a journey, and that she would arrange for an interview in Pons’ rooms and for the valuation of the property; for the day after to-morrow at latest.
Fraisier complained because Elie Magus had declined to meet with him. But La Cibot eased the hint of suspicion in the lawyer’s eyes by telling him that Elie Magus was back from his trip, and she would set up a meeting in Pons’ office and handle the property valuation by the day after tomorrow at the latest.
“Deal frankly with me,” returned Fraisier. “It is more than probable that I shall act for M. Pons’ next-of-kin. In that case, I shall be even better able to serve you.”
“Be honest with me,” replied Fraisier. “It’s likely that I’ll represent M. Pons’ next of kin. If that happens, I’ll be in an even better position to help you.”
The words were spoken so drily that La Cibot quaked. This starving limb of the law was sure to manoeuvre on his side as she herself was doing. She resolved forthwith to hurry on the sale of the pictures.
The words were delivered so flatly that La Cibot trembled. This desperate arm of the law was definitely going to work in his favor, just as she was. She immediately decided to speed up the sale of the paintings.
La Cibot was right. The doctor and lawyer had clubbed together to buy a new suit of clothes in which Fraisier could decently present himself before Mme. la Presidente Camusot de Marville. Indeed, if the clothes had been ready, the interview would have taken place sooner, for the fate of the couple hung upon its issues. Fraisier left Mme. Cibot, and went to try on his new clothes. He found them waiting for him, went home, adjusted his new wig, and towards ten o’clock that morning set out in a carriage from a livery stable for the Rue de Hanovre, hoping for an audience. In his white tie, yellow gloves, and new wig, redolent of eau de Portugal, he looked something like a poisonous essence kept in a cut-glass bottle, seeming but the more deadly because everything about it is daintily neat, from the stopper covered with white kid to the label and the thread. His peremptory manner, the eruption on his blotched countenance, the green eyes, and a malignant something about him,—all these things struck the beholder with the same sense of surprise as storm-clouds in a blue sky. If in his private office, as he showed himself to La Cibot, he was the common knife that a murderer catches up for his crime,—now, at the Presidente’s door, he was the daintily-wrought dagger which a woman sets among the ornaments on her what-not.
La Cibot was right. The doctor and lawyer had teamed up to buy a new suit for Fraisier so he could present himself decently before Mme. la Presidente Camusot de Marville. In fact, if the clothes had been ready, the meeting would have happened sooner, as the couple's fate depended on it. Fraisier left Mme. Cibot and went to try on his new clothes. He found them waiting for him, went home, adjusted his new wig, and around ten o’clock that morning set off in a carriage from a livery stable to Rue de Hanovre, hoping for an audience. Dressed in his white tie, yellow gloves, and new wig, smelling of eau de Portugal, he looked like a toxic essence kept in a cut-glass bottle, appearing even more dangerous because everything about it was delicately neat, from the stopper covered with white kid to the label and the thread. His commanding presence, the eruption on his blotchy face, his green eyes, and something sinister about him—all of these struck anyone who saw him with the same surprise as storm clouds in a clear blue sky. In his private office, as he showed himself to La Cibot, he was the ordinary knife that a murderer grabs for his crime—but now, at the Presidente’s door, he was the elegantly crafted dagger that a woman displays among her decorations.
A great change had taken place in the Rue de Hanovre. The Count and Countess Popinot and the young people would not allow the President and his wife to leave the house that they had settled upon their daughter to pay rent elsewhere. M. and Mme. la Presidente, therefore, were installed on the second floor, now left at liberty, for the elderly lady had made up her mind to end her days in the country.
A big change happened on Rue de Hanovre. The Count and Countess Popinot and the younger crowd wouldn’t let the President and his wife leave the house that they had decided their daughter should rent somewhere else. So, Mr. and Mrs. President were set up on the second floor, which was now free, since the elderly lady had decided to spend her final days in the countryside.
Mme. Camusot took Madeleine Vivet, with her cook and her man-servant, to the second floor, and would have been as much pinched for money as in the early days, if the house had not been rent free, and the President’s salary increased to ten thousand francs. This aurea mediocritas was but little satisfactory to Mme. de Marville. Even now she wished for means more in accordance with her ambitions; for when she handed over their fortune to their daughter, she spoiled her husband’s prospects. Now Amelie had set her heart upon seeing her husband in the Chamber of Deputies; she was not one of those women who find it easy to give up their way; and she by no means despaired of returning her husband for the arrondissement in which Marville is situated. So for the past two months she had teased her father-in-law, M. le Baron Camusot (for the new peer of France had been advanced to that rank), and done her utmost to extort an advance of a hundred thousand francs of the inheritance which one day would be theirs. She wanted, she said, to buy a small estate worth about two thousand francs per annum set like a wedge within the Marville lands. There she and her husband would be near their children and in their own house, while the addition would round out the Marville property. With that the Presidente laid stress upon the recent sacrifices which she and her husband had been compelled to make in order to marry Cecile to Viscount Popinot, and asked the old man how he could bar his eldest son’s way to the highest honors of the magistracy, when such honors were only to be had by those who made themselves a strong position in parliament. Her husband would know how to take up such a position, he would make himself feared by those in office, and so on and so on.
Madame Camusot brought Madeleine Vivet, along with her cook and male servant, to the second floor. She would have been just as tight on money as in the past, if the house hadn’t been rent-free and if the President’s salary hadn’t been raised to ten thousand francs. This aurea mediocritas wasn’t very satisfying for Madame de Marville. Even now, she wanted financial means that matched her ambitions; when she passed their fortune to their daughter, she jeopardized her husband’s prospects. Amelie was determined to see her husband in the Chamber of Deputies; she wasn’t one of those women who easily changed their ways; and she certainly didn’t give up hope of getting her husband elected for the district where Marville is located. For the past two months, she had been pushing her father-in-law, M. le Baron Camusot (since the new peer of France had been promoted to that rank), trying to squeeze an advance of a hundred thousand francs from the inheritance that would one day be theirs. She claimed she wanted to buy a small estate worth around two thousand francs a year, situated like a wedge within the Marville lands. There, she and her husband would be close to their children and have their own home, while the addition would complete the Marville property. With that, the Presidente emphasized the recent sacrifices she and her husband had to make to marry Cecile to Viscount Popinot and questioned the old man on how he could block his eldest son’s path to the highest honors in the magistracy when such honors were only available to those who established a strong presence in parliament. Her husband would know how to establish such a presence; he would make himself respected by those in power, and so on and so on.
“They do nothing for you unless you tighten a halter round their necks to loosen their tongues,” said she. “They are ungrateful. What do they not owe to Camusot! Camusot brought the House of Orleans to the throne by enforcing the ordinances of July.”
“They won’t do anything for you unless you put a tight leash on them to get them to speak up,” she said. “They’re so ungrateful. What do they not owe to Camusot! Camusot brought the House of Orleans to power by enforcing the July ordinances.”
M. Camusot senior answered that he had gone out of his depth in railway speculations. He quite admitted that it was necessary to come to the rescue, but put off the day until shares should rise, as they were expected to do.
M. Camusot senior replied that he had gotten in over his head with railway investments. He fully acknowledged that it was important to help out, but he postponed the action until the shares went up, which was anticipated to happen.
This half-promise, extracted some few days before Fraisier’s visit, had plunged the Presidente into depths of affliction. It was doubtful whether the ex-proprietor of Marville was eligible for re-election without the land qualification.
This half-promise, made just a few days before Fraisier's visit, had thrown the Presidente into deep distress. It was uncertain whether the former owner of Marville could run for re-election without meeting the land requirements.
Fraisier found no difficulty in obtaining speech of Madeleine Vivet; such viper natures own their kinship at once.
Fraisier had no trouble talking to Madeleine Vivet; people with toxic personalities recognize their own kind immediately.
“I should like to see Mme. la Presidente for a few moments, mademoiselle,” Fraisier said in bland accents; “I have come on a matter of business which touches her fortune; it is a question of a legacy, be sure to mention that. I have not the honor of being known to Mme. la Presidente, so my name is of no consequence. I am not in the habit of leaving my chambers, but I know the respect that is due to a President’s wife, and I took the trouble of coming myself to save all possible delay.”
“I’d like to speak with Madame la Présidente for a few moments, miss,” Fraisier said in a polite tone. “I’m here about a business matter that affects her fortune; it’s regarding a legacy, so please be sure to mention that. I’m not known to Madame la Présidente, so my name doesn’t really matter. I usually don’t leave my office, but I understand the respect owed to a President’s wife, and I made the effort to come myself to avoid any possible delays.”
The matter thus broached, when repeated and amplified by the waiting-maid, naturally brought a favorable answer. It was a decisive moment for the double ambition hidden in Fraisier’s mind. Bold as a petty provincial attorney, sharp, rough-spoken, and curt as he was, he felt as captains feel before the decisive battle of a campaign. As he went into the little drawing-room where Amelie was waiting for him, he felt a slight perspiration breaking out upon his forehead and down his back. Every sudorific hitherto employed had failed to produce this result upon a skin which horrible diseases had left impervious. “Even if I fail to make my fortune,” said he to himself, “I shall recover. Poulain said that if I could only perspire I should recover.”
The topic being discussed, when repeated and emphasized by the maid, naturally led to a positive response. It was a turning point for the dual ambitions hidden in Fraisier’s mind. Bold like a small-town lawyer, blunt, rough around the edges, and curt as he was, he felt like a captain about to face a crucial battle in a campaign. As he entered the small living room where Amelie was waiting for him, he noticed a light sweat breaking out on his forehead and down his back. Every sweat-inducing remedy he had tried before had failed to affect a skin made resistant by terrible illnesses. “Even if I don’t strike it rich,” he told himself, “I will recover. Poulain said that if I could just sweat, I would get better.”
The Presidente came forward in her morning gown.
The President stepped forward in her morning dress.
“Madame—” said Fraisier, stopping short to bow with the humility by which officials recognize the superior rank of the person whom they address.
“Ma'am—” said Fraisier, pausing to bow with the humility that officials show to acknowledge the higher status of the person they are addressing.
“Take a seat, monsieur,” said the Presidente. She saw at a glance that this was a man of law.
“Have a seat, sir,” said the President. She immediately recognized that this was a man of the law.
“Mme. la Presidente, if I take the liberty of calling your attention to a matter which concerns M. le President, it is because I am sure that M. de Marville, occupying, as he does, a high position, would leave matters to take their natural course, and so lose seven or eight hundred thousand francs, a sum which ladies (who, in my opinion, have a far better understanding of private business than the best of magistrates)—a sum which ladies, I repeat, would by no means despise—”
“Mme. President, if I may take a moment to bring to your attention something related to Mr. President, it’s because I believe that Mr. de Marville, being in such a high position, would let things unfold naturally and end up losing seven or eight hundred thousand francs, a figure that women (who, in my opinion, have a much better grasp of private business than even the best judges)—a figure that women, I repeat, would definitely not overlook—”
“You spoke of a legacy,” interrupted the lady, dazzled by the wealth, and anxious to hide her surprise. Amelie de Marville, like an impatient novel-reader, wanted the end of the story.
“You talked about a legacy,” interrupted the lady, overwhelmed by the wealth and eager to mask her surprise. Amelie de Marville, like an impatient reader, wanted to know the ending of the story.
“Yes, madame, a legacy that you are like to lose; yes, to lose altogether; but I can, that is, I could, recover it for you, if—”
“Yes, ma'am, a legacy you might lose; yes, lose completely; but I can, well, I could, get it back for you, if—”
“Speak out, monsieur.” Mme. de Marville spoke frigidly, scanning Fraisier as she spoke with a sagacious eye.
“Speak up, sir.” Mme. de Marville said coldly, looking over Fraisier with a keen eye as she spoke.
“Madame, your eminent capacity is known to me; I was once at Mantes. M. Leboeuf, President of the Tribunal, is acquainted with M. de Marville, and can answer inquiries about me—”
“Madam, I know about your remarkable abilities; I was once in Mantes. Mr. Leboeuf, the President of the Tribunal, knows Mr. de Marville and can answer questions about me—”
The Presidente’s shrug was so ruthlessly significant, that Fraisier was compelled to make short work of his parenthetic discourse.
The President's shrug was so powerfully significant that Fraisier had to quickly cut short his extra comments.
“So distinguished a woman will at once understand why I speak of myself in the first place. It is the shortest way to the property.”
“So distinguished a woman will immediately understand why I refer to myself first. It’s the quickest route to the property.”
To this acute observation the lady replied by a gesture. Fraisier took the sign for a permission to continue.
To this sharp observation, the lady responded with a gesture. Fraisier took the sign as permission to go on.
“I was an attorney, madame, at Mantes. My connection was all the fortune that I was likely to have. I took over M. Levroux’s practice. You knew him, no doubt?”
“I was a lawyer, ma'am, in Mantes. My connections were pretty much all the wealth I could hope for. I took over M. Levroux’s practice. You knew him, I assume?”
The Presidente inclined her head.
The President nodded.
“With borrowed capital and some ten thousand francs of my own, I went to Mantes. I had been with Desroches, one of the cleverest attorneys in Paris, I had been his head-clerk for six years. I was so unlucky as to make an enemy of the attorney for the crown at Mantes, Monsieur—”
“With borrowed money and about ten thousand francs of my own, I went to Mantes. I had worked with Desroches, one of the smartest lawyers in Paris, and had been his lead clerk for six years. Unfortunately, I made an enemy of the crown attorney in Mantes, Monsieur—”
“Olivier Vinet.”
“Olivier Vinet.”
“Son of the Attorney-General, yes, madame. He was paying his court to a little person—”
“Son of the Attorney General, yes, ma'am. He was flirting with a little person—”
“Whom?”
“Who?”
“Mme. Vatinelle.”
“Ms. Vatinelle.”
“Oh! Mme. Vatinelle. She was very pretty and very—er—when I was there—”
“Oh! Mrs. Vatinelle. She was really attractive and, um—when I was there—”
“She was not unkind to me: inde iroe,” Fraisier continued. “I was industrious; I wanted to repay my friends and to marry; I wanted work; I went in search of it; and before long I had more on my hands than anybody else. Bah! I had every soul in Mantes against me—attorneys, notaries, and even the bailiffs. They tried to fasten a quarrel on me. In our ruthless profession, as you know, madame, if you wish to ruin a man, it is soon done. I was concerned for both parties in a case, and they found it out. It was a trifle irregular; but it is sometimes done in Paris, attorneys in certain cases hand the rhubarb and take the senna. They do things differently at Mantes. I had done M. Bouyonnet this little service before; but, egged on by his colleagues and the attorney for the crown, he betrayed me.—I am keeping back nothing, you see.—There was a great hue and cry about it. I was a scoundrel; they made me out blacker than Marat; forced me to sell out; ruined me. And I am in Paris now. I have tried to get together a practice; but my health is so bad, that I have only two quiet hours out of the twenty-four.
“She wasn't unkind to me: inde iroe,” Fraisier continued. “I was hardworking; I wanted to repay my friends and get married; I wanted a job; I went looking for it; and before long, I had more work than anyone else. Bah! I had every person in Mantes against me—lawyers, notaries, and even the bailiffs. They tried to pin a dispute on me. In our cutthroat profession, as you know, madame, if you want to ruin someone, it can be done quickly. I was looking out for both parties in a case, and they figured it out. It was a bit unusual; but it happens sometimes in Paris, where lawyers in certain situations play both sides. They do things differently in Mantes. I had helped M. Bouyonnet before; but, pushed on by his colleagues and the crown's attorney, he turned on me. —I'm not holding anything back, you see.—There was a big uproar about it. I was labeled a scoundrel; they painted me as worse than Marat; forced me to sell out; ruined me. And now I’m in Paris. I've tried to build up a practice; but my health is so bad that I only have two quiet hours out of the whole day.”
“At this moment I have but one ambition, and a very small one. Some day,” he continued, “you will be the wife of the Keeper of the Seals, or of the Home Secretary, it may be; but I, poor and sickly as I am, desire nothing but a post in which I can live in peace for the rest of my life, a place without any opening in which to vegetate. I should like to be a justice of the peace in Paris. It would be a mere trifle for you and M. le President to gain the appointment for me; for the present Keeper of the Seals must be anxious to keep on good terms with you...
“At this moment I have just one ambition, and it’s a pretty small one. Someday,” he continued, “you’ll be the wife of the Keeper of the Seals, or maybe the Home Secretary; but I, poor and frail as I am, want nothing more than a job where I can live in peace for the rest of my life, a position where I can just settle down. I’d like to be a justice of the peace in Paris. It would be easy for you and M. le Président to get that appointment for me; after all, the current Keeper of the Seals must want to stay on good terms with you...”
“And that is not all, madame,” added Fraisier. Seeing that Mme. de Marville was about to speak, he cut her short with a gesture. “I have a friend, the doctor in attendance on the old man who ought to leave his property to M. le President. (We are coming to the point, you see.) The doctor’s co-operation is indispensable, and the doctor is precisely in my position: he has abilities, he is unlucky. I learned through him how far your interests were imperiled; for even as I speak, all may be over, and the will disinheriting M. le President may have been made. This doctor wishes to be head-surgeon of a hospital or of a Government school. He must have a position in Paris equal to mine.... Pardon me if I have enlarged on a matter so delicate; but we must have no misunderstandings in this business. The doctor is, besides, much respected and learned; he saved the life of the Comtesse Popinot’s great-uncle, M. Pillerault.
“And that’s not everything, ma'am,” added Fraisier. Noticing that Mme. de Marville was about to speak, he interrupted her with a gesture. “I have a friend, the doctor responsible for the old man who should leave his property to M. le President. (We’re getting to the main point, you see.) The doctor’s cooperation is essential, and he’s in the same boat as me: he has talent, but he’s also unlucky. I found out through him how much your interests are at risk; because even as I’m speaking, it might all be over, and the will disinheriting M. le President could have already been made. This doctor wants to be the head surgeon of a hospital or a government school. He needs a position in Paris that matches mine.... Forgive me for elaborating on such a delicate matter; but we can’t afford any misunderstandings in this situation. The doctor is also very respected and knowledgeable; he saved the life of the Comtesse Popinot’s great-uncle, M. Pillerault.
“Now, if you are so good as to promise these two posts—the appointment of justice of the peace and the sinecure for my friend—I will undertake to bring you the property, almost intact.—Almost intact, I say, for the co-operation of the legatee and several other persons is absolutely indispensable, and some obligations will be incurred. You will not redeem your promises until I have fulfilled mine.”
“Now, if you’re willing to promise these two positions—the justice of the peace appointment and the easy job for my friend—I’ll make sure to deliver the property, almost intact. I say almost intact because the cooperation of the legatee and a few other people is absolutely necessary, and some obligations will need to be met. You won’t get what you promised until I’ve done what I promised.”
The Presidente had folded her arms, and for the last minute or two sat like a person compelled to listen to a sermon. Now she unfolded her arms, and looked at Fraisier as she said, “Monsieur, all that you say concerning your interests has the merit of clearness; but my own interests in the matter are by no means so clear—”
The President had crossed her arms and sat for the last minute or two like someone forced to listen to a lecture. Now she uncrossed her arms and looked at Fraisier as she said, “Monsieur, everything you say about your interests is very clear; however, my own interests in this matter are not so clear—”
“A word or two will explain everything, madame. M. le President is M. Pons’ first cousin once removed, and his sole heir. M. Pons is very ill; he is about to make his will, if it is not already made, in favor of a German, a friend of his named Schmucke; and he has more than seven hundred thousand francs to leave. I hope to have an accurate valuation made in two or three days—”
“A word or two will clarify everything, madam. M. le President is M. Pons’ first cousin once removed, and his only heir. M. Pons is very sick; he is about to write his will, if he hasn’t done so already, in favor of a German friend of his named Schmucke; and he has more than seven hundred thousand francs to leave behind. I expect to have an accurate valuation done in two or three days—”
“If this is so,” said the Presidente, “I made a great mistake in quarreling with him and throwing the blame——” she thought aloud, amazed by the possibility of such a sum.
“If that's the case,” said the Presidente, “I really messed up by arguing with him and shifting the blame——” she contemplated, astonished by the idea of such a large amount.
“No, madame. If there had been no rupture, he would be as blithe as a lark at this moment, and might outlive you and M. le President and me. ... The ways of Providence are mysterious, let us not seek to fathom them,” he added to palliate to some extent the hideous idea. “It cannot be helped. We men of business look at the practical aspects of things. Now you see clearly, madame, that M. de Marville in his public position would do nothing, and could do nothing, as things are. He has broken off all relations with his cousin. You see nothing now of Pons; you have forbidden him the house; you had excellent reasons, no doubt, for doing as you did, but the old man is ill, and he is leaving his property to the only friend left to him. A President of the Court of Appeal in Paris could say nothing under such circumstances if the will was made out in due form. But between ourselves, madame, when one has a right to expect seven or eight hundred thousand francs—or a million, it may be (how should I know?)—it is very unpleasant to have it slip through one’s fingers, especially if one happens to be the heir-at-law.... But, on the other hand, to prevent this, one is obliged to stoop to dirty work; work so difficult, so ticklish, bringing you cheek by jowl with such low people, servants and subordinates; and into such close contact with them too, that no barrister, no attorney in Paris could take up such a case.
“No, madam. If there hadn’t been a breakup, he would be as happy as a lark right now and could outlive you, Mr. President, and me. ... The ways of fate are mysterious; let’s not try to understand them,” he added, trying to soften the unpleasant thought. “It can’t be helped. We businesspeople focus on practical matters. Now you can see clearly, madam, that Mr. de Marville, in his public role, wouldn’t do anything and couldn’t do anything given the circumstances. He’s cut off all ties with his cousin. You haven’t seen Pons lately; you’ve banned him from your home; you had good reasons, no doubt, for your actions, but the old man is sick and is leaving his property to the only friend he has left. A President of the Court of Appeal in Paris wouldn’t be able to say anything in such a situation if the will is properly drafted. But between us, madam, when you expect seven or eight hundred thousand francs—or maybe even a million (how would I know?)—it’s really frustrating to see it slip away, especially if you’re the rightful heir... However, to stop this, one has to resort to shady tactics; work so tricky, so precarious, putting you in close quarters with such low people—servants and underlings—and getting so closely involved that no lawyer or attorney in Paris would take on such a case.
“What you want is a briefless barrister like me,” said he, “a man who should have real and solid ability, who has learned to be devoted, and yet, being in a precarious position, is brought temporarily to a level with such people. In my arrondissement I undertake business for small tradespeople and working folk. Yes, madame, you see the straits to which I have been brought by the enmity of an attorney for the crown, now a deputy-public prosecutor in Paris, who could not forgive me my superiority.—I know you, madame, I know that your influence means a solid certainty; and in such a service rendered to you, I saw the end of my troubles and success for my friend Dr. Poulain.”
“What you need is a barrister without a briefing like me,” he said, “someone who has real and solid skills, who has learned to be dedicated, and yet, being in a tough spot, finds himself temporarily on the same level as such people. In my district, I handle cases for small business owners and working-class folks. Yes, madam, you see the situation I’ve been put in because of the hostility from a crown attorney, now a deputy public prosecutor in Paris, who couldn’t stand my success.—I know you, madam, I know that your influence means a sure thing; and in providing such a service for you, I see the end of my struggles and success for my friend Dr. Poulain.”
The lady sat pensive during a moment of unspeakable torture for Fraisier. Vinet, an orator of the Centre, attorney-general (procureur-general) for the past sixteen years, nominated half-a-score of times for the chancellorship, the father, moreover, of the attorney for the crown at Mantes who had been appointed to a post in Paris within the last year—Vinet was an enemy and a rival for the malignant Presidente. The haughty attorney-general did not hide his contempt for President Camusot. This fact Fraisier did not know, and could not know.
The lady sat lost in thought during a moment of unimaginable stress for Fraisier. Vinet, a speaker from the Centre, attorney-general for the past sixteen years, nominated multiple times for the chancellorship, and the father of the crown attorney in Mantes who recently got a new job in Paris—Vinet was an adversary and competitor of the spiteful Presidente. The arrogant attorney-general didn't hide his disdain for President Camusot. Fraisier was unaware of this fact and could not have known.
“Have you nothing on your conscience but the fact that you were concerned for both parties?” asked she, looking steadily at Fraisier.
“Is your only concern that you cared about both sides?” she asked, gazing intently at Fraisier.
“Mme. la Presidente can see M. Leboeuf; M. Leboeuf was favorable to me.”
“Mrs. President can see Mr. Leboeuf; Mr. Leboeuf was supportive of me.”
“Do you feel sure that M. Leboeuf will give M. de Marville and M. le Comte Popinot a good account of you?”
“Are you confident that M. Leboeuf will speak well of you to M. de Marville and M. le Comte Popinot?”
“I will answer for it, especially now that M. Olivier Vinet has left Mantes; for between ourselves, good M. Leboeuf was afraid of that crabbed little official. If you will permit me, Madame La Presidente, I will go to Mantes and see M. Leboeuf. No time will be lost, for I cannot be certain of the precise value of the property for two or three days. I do not wish that you should know all the ins and outs of this affair; you ought not to know them, Mme. la Presidente, but is not the reward that I expect for my complete devotion a pledge of my success?”
“I'll take responsibility for it, especially now that M. Olivier Vinet has left Mantes. To be honest, good M. Leboeuf was worried about that difficult little official. If you don’t mind, Madame La Presidente, I’ll go to Mantes and talk to M. Leboeuf. I won’t waste any time, because I can’t be sure of the exact value of the property for another two or three days. I don’t want you to know all the details of this situation; you really shouldn’t know, Madame La Presidente, but isn’t the reward I expect for my full commitment a guarantee of my success?”
“Very well. If M. Leboeuf will speak in your favor, and if the property is worth as much as you think (I doubt it myself), you shall have both appointments, if you succeed, mind you—”
“Alright. If Mr. Leboeuf supports you, and if the property is worth as much as you think (I personally have my doubts), you will get both appointments, if you succeed, just so you know—”
“I will answer for it, madame. Only, you must be so good as to have your notary and your attorney here when I shall need them; you must give me a power of attorney to act for M. le President, and tell those gentlemen to follow my instructions, and to do nothing on their own responsibility.”
“I’ll take responsibility for it, ma’am. Just make sure to have your notary and lawyer here when I need them; you need to give me a power of attorney to act for Mr. President, and let those gentlemen know to follow my instructions and not act on their own.”
“The responsibility rests with you,” the Presidente answered solemnly, “so you ought to have full powers.—But is M. Pons very ill?” she asked, smiling.
“The responsibility is yours,” the President replied seriously, “so you should have full authority.—But is M. Pons really sick?” she asked, smiling.
“Upon my word, madame, he might pull through, especially with so conscientious a doctor as Poulain in attendance; for this friend of mine, madame, is simply an unconscious spy directed by me in your interests. Left to himself, he would save the old man’s life; but there is some one else by the sickbed, a portress, who would push him into the grave for thirty thousand francs. Not that she would kill him outright; she will not give him arsenic, she is not so merciful; she will do worse, she will kill him by inches; she will worry him to death day by day. If the poor old man were kept quiet and left in peace; if he were taken into the country and cared for and made much of by friends, he would get well again; but he is harassed by a sort of Mme. Evrard. When the woman was young she was one of thirty Belles Ecailleres, famous in Paris, she is a rough, greedy, gossiping woman; she torments him to make a will and to leave her something handsome, and the end of it will be induration of the liver, calculi are possibly forming at this moment, and he has not enough strength to bear an operation. The doctor, noble soul, is in a horrible predicament. He really ought to send the woman away—”
“Honestly, ma'am, he might pull through, especially with such a dedicated doctor like Poulain on hand; because my friend, ma'am, is basically an unwitting spy acting on my behalf for your sake. If left to his own devices, he would save the old man's life; but there's someone else by the sickbed, a caretaker, who would push him into the grave for thirty thousand francs. Not that she would kill him outright; she wouldn’t give him arsenic, she's not that merciful; she’ll do worse—she’ll kill him slowly. She’ll wear him down day by day. If the poor old man were kept calm and left in peace; if he were taken to the countryside and cared for and cherished by friends, he would recover; but he is being tormented by a sort of Mme. Evrard. When she was younger, she was one of thirty Belles Ecailleres, famous in Paris; she is a rough, greedy, gossiping woman; she torments him into making a will and leaving her something substantial, and in the end, it's going to lead to liver damage, and gallstones might even be forming right now, and he doesn’t have the strength to withstand surgery. The doctor, noble soul, is in a terrible situation. He really ought to send the woman away—”
“Why, then, this vixen is a monster!” cried the lady in thin flute-like tones.
“Why, then, this vixen is a monster!” cried the lady in a thin, flute-like voice.
Fraisier smiled inwardly at the likeness between himself and the terrible Presidente; he knew all about those suave modulations of a naturally sharp voice. He thought of another president, the hero of an anecdote related by Louis XI., stamped by that monarch’s final praise. Blessed with a wife after the pattern of Socrates’ spouse, and ungifted with the sage’s philosophy, he mingled salt with the corn in the mangers and forbad the grooms to give water to the horses. As his wife rode along the Seine towards their country-house, the animals bolted into the river with the lady, and the magistrate returned thanks to Providence for ridding him of his wife “in so natural a manner.” At this present moment Mme. de Marville thanked Heaven for placing at Pons’ bedside a woman so likely to get him “decently” out of the way.
Fraisier smiled to himself at how much he resembled the awful Presidente; he understood all too well the smooth adjustments of a naturally sharp voice. He thought of another president, the hero of a story told by Louis XI., who was marked by that monarch’s final praise. He had a wife similar to Socrates’ spouse, but lacking the sage’s wisdom; he mixed salt with the grain in the feed and forbade the grooms from giving the horses water. As his wife rode along the Seine toward their country house, the horses bolted into the river with her, and the magistrate thanked Providence for freeing him from his wife “in such a natural way.” Right now, Mme. de Marville thanked Heaven for having a woman at Pons’ bedside who was so likely to help him get “decently” out of the way.
Aloud she said, “I would not take a million at the price of a single scruple.—Your friend ought to speak to M. Pons and have the woman sent away.”
Aloud she said, “I wouldn't take a million at the cost of a single scruple. Your friend should talk to M. Pons and have that woman sent away.”
“In the first place, madame, Messrs. Schmucke and Pons think the woman an angel; they would send my friend away. And secondly, the doctor lies under an obligation to this horrid oyster-woman; she called him in to attend M. Pillerault. When he tells her to be as gentle as possible with the patient, he simply shows the creature how to make matters worse.”
“In the first place, ma'am, Schmucke and Pons think the woman is an angel; they would send my friend away. And secondly, the doctor is obligated to this terrible oyster woman; she called him in to help M. Pillerault. When he tells her to be as gentle as possible with the patient, he’s just showing her how to make things worse.”
“What does your friend think of my cousin’s condition?”
“What does your friend think of my cousin’s condition?”
This man’s clear, business-like way of putting the facts of the case frightened Mme. de Marville; she felt that his keen gaze read the thoughts of a heart as greedy as La Cibot’s own.
This man's straightforward, professional way of presenting the facts of the case scared Mme. de Marville; she sensed that his sharp gaze could see the thoughts of a heart just as greedy as La Cibot's.
“In six weeks the property will change hands.”
“In six weeks, the property will change hands.”
The Presidente dropped her eyes.
The President looked down.
“Poor man!” she sighed, vainly striving after a dolorous expression.
“Poor guy!” she sighed, unsuccessfully trying to look sad.
“Have you any message, madame, for M. Leboeuf? I am taking the train to Mantes.”
“Do you have any message, ma’am, for Mr. Leboeuf? I’m taking the train to Mantes.”
“Yes. Wait a moment, and I will write to ask him to dine with us to-morrow. I want to see him, so that he may act in concert to repair the injustice to which you have fallen a victim.”
“Yes. Hold on a minute, and I’ll write to invite him to dinner with us tomorrow. I want to talk to him so that he can help fix the injustice that you’ve experienced.”
The Presidente left the room. Fraisier saw himself a justice of the peace. He felt transformed at the thought; he grew stouter; his lungs were filled with the breath of success, the breeze of prosperity. He dipped into the mysterious reservoirs of volition for fresh and strong doses of the divine essence. To reach success, he felt, as Remonencq half felt, that he was ready for anything, for crime itself, provided that no proofs of it remained. He had faced the Presidente boldly; he had transmuted conjecture into reality; he had made assertions right and left, all to the end that she might authorize him to protect her interests and win her influence. As he stood there, he represented the infinite misery of two lives, and the no less boundless desires of two men. He spurned the squalid horrors of the Rue de la Perle. He saw the glitter of a thousand crowns in fees from La Cibot, and five thousand francs from the Presidente. This meant an abode such as befitted his future prospects. Finally, he was repaying Dr. Poulain.
The President left the room. Fraisier imagined himself as a justice of the peace. He felt transformed by the idea; he grew more confident; his lungs filled with the air of success, the breeze of prosperity. He dipped into the mysterious depths of his willpower for fresh and powerful doses of that divine essence. To achieve success, he believed, just like Remonencq partly believed, that he was ready for anything, even crime itself, as long as there were no traces left behind. He had faced the President boldly; he had turned guesswork into reality; he had made bold claims left and right, all so she would allow him to protect her interests and gain her influence. As he stood there, he embodied the immense misery of two lives, and the equally boundless desires of two men. He rejected the grim horrors of the Rue de la Perle. He envisioned the sparkle of a thousand crowns in fees from La Cibot, and five thousand francs from the President. This meant a living situation that would suit his future prospects. Finally, he was paying back Dr. Poulain.
There are hard, ill-natured beings, goaded by distress or disease into active malignity, that yet entertain diametrically opposed sentiments with a like degree of vehemence. If Richelieu was a good hater, he was no less a good friend. Fraisier, in his gratitude, would have let himself be cut in two for Poulain.
There are ruthless, spiteful people, driven by suffering or illness into destructive hostility, who can still hold completely opposite feelings with the same intensity. If Richelieu was a great enemy, he was equally a great friend. Fraisier, in his gratitude, would have allowed himself to be split in half for Poulain.
So absorbed was he in these visions of a comfortable and prosperous life, that he did not see the Presidente come in with the letter in her hand, and she, looking at him, thought him less ugly now than at first. He was about to be useful to her, and as soon as a tool belongs to us we look upon it with other eyes.
So engrossed was he in these dreams of a comfortable and successful life that he didn’t notice the Presidente walk in with a letter in her hand. As she looked at him, she thought he looked less unattractive now than at first. He was about to become useful to her, and once a tool belongs to us, we start to view it differently.
“M. Fraisier,” said she, “you have convinced me of your intelligence, and I think that you can speak frankly.”
“M. Fraisier,” she said, “you’ve convinced me of your intelligence, and I believe you can speak openly.”
Fraisier replied by an eloquent gesture.
Fraisier responded with a thoughtful gesture.
“Very well,” continued the lady, “I must ask you to give a candid reply to this question: Are we, either of us, M. de Marville or I, likely to be compromised, directly or indirectly, by your action in this matter?”
“Alright,” the lady continued, “I need you to give me an honest answer to this question: Are either of us, M. de Marville or I, likely to be put at risk, directly or indirectly, because of your actions in this situation?”
“I would not have come to you, madame, if I thought that some day I should have to reproach myself for bringing so much as a splash of mud upon you, for in your position a speck the size of a pin’s head is seen by all the world. You forget, madame, that I must satisfy you if I am to be a justice of the peace in Paris. I have received one lesson at the outset of my life; it was so sharp that I do not care to lay myself open to a second thrashing. To sum it up in a last word, madame, I will not take a step in which you are indirectly involved without previously consulting you—”
“I wouldn’t have come to you, ma’am, if I thought I’d ever regret bringing even a little bit of trouble your way, because in your position, even the smallest flaw can be noticed by everyone. You forget, ma’am, that I need to meet your expectations if I want to be a justice of the peace in Paris. I learned my lesson early on; it was so tough that I really don’t want to risk going through that again. To put it simply, ma’am, I won’t take a step that involves you in any way without checking with you first—”
“Very good. Here is the letter. And now I shall expect to be informed of the exact value of the estate.”
“Great. Here’s the letter. Now I’ll expect to be told the exact value of the estate.”
“There is the whole matter,” said Fraisier shrewdly, making his bow to the Presidente with as much graciousness as his countenance could exhibit.
“There’s the whole issue,” Fraisier said wisely, bowing to the Presidente with as much graciousness as his face could show.
“What a providence!” thought Mme. Camusot de Marville. “So I am to be rich! Camusot will be sure of his election if we let loose this Fraisier upon the Bolbec constituency. What a tool!”
“What a blessing!” thought Mme. Camusot de Marville. “So I'm going to be rich! Camusot will definitely secure his election if we unleash this Fraisier on the Bolbec constituency. What a useful asset!”
“What a providence!” Fraisier said to himself as he descended the staircase; “and what a sharp woman Mme. Camusot is! I should want a woman in these circumstances. Now to work!”
“What luck!” Fraisier said to himself as he went down the stairs; “and what a clever woman Mme. Camusot is! I could really use a woman in this situation. Now it’s time to get to work!”
And he departed for Mantes to gain the good graces of a man he scarcely knew; but he counted upon Mme. Vatinelle, to whom, unfortunately, he owed all his troubles—and some troubles are of a kind that resemble a protested bill while the defaulter is yet solvent, in that they bear interest.
And he left for Mantes to win the favor of a man he barely knew; however, he relied on Mme. Vatinelle, to whom, unfortunately, he owed all his problems—and some problems are like a bounced check while the person is still solvent, in that they accumulate interest.
Three days afterwards, while Schmucke slept (for in accordance with the compact he now sat up at night with the patient), La Cibot had a “tiff,” as she was pleased to call it, with Pons. It will not be out of place to call attention to one particularly distressing symptom of liver complaint. The sufferer is always more or less inclined to impatience and fits of anger; an outburst of this kind seems to give relief at the time, much as a patient while the fever fit is upon him feels that he has boundless strength; but collapse sets in so soon as the excitement passes off, and the full extent of mischief sustained by the system is discernible. This is especially the case when the disease has been induced by some great shock; and the prostration is so much the more dangerous because the patient is kept upon a restricted diet. It is a kind of fever affecting neither the blood nor the brain, but the humoristic mechanism, fretting the whole system, producing melancholy, in which the patient hates himself; in such a crisis anything may cause dangerous irritation.
Three days later, while Schmucke was sleeping (since he was staying up at night with the patient as agreed), La Cibot had a “tiff,” as she liked to call it, with Pons. It's worth noting a particularly distressing symptom of liver issues. The person suffering is often grumpy and prone to angry outbursts; such a reaction may provide temporary relief, similar to how a patient in the throes of a fever feels an endless burst of energy. However, a collapse happens as soon as the excitement fades, revealing the full extent of the damage done to the system. This is especially true when the illness has been triggered by a significant shock; the exhaustion is even more dangerous because the patient is on a restricted diet. It’s a kind of fever that doesn’t affect the blood or the brain but disrupts the humoristic balance, distressing the entire system and leading to depression, where the patient loathes themselves; during such a crisis, anything can provoke dangerous irritation.
In spite of all that the doctor could say, La Cibot had no belief in this wear and tear of the nervous system by the humoristic. She was a woman of the people, without experience or education; Dr. Poulain’s explanations for her were simply “doctor’s notions.” Like most of her class, she thought that sick people must be fed, and nothing short of Dr. Poulain’s direct order prevented her from administering ham, a nice omelette, or vanilla chocolate upon the sly.
In spite of everything the doctor said, La Cibot didn’t buy into the idea that humor could wear down the nervous system. She was an everyday woman, lacking experience or education; Dr. Poulain’s explanations meant nothing to her, feeling like just “doctor’s talk.” Like many people in her situation, she believed that sick individuals needed to eat, and nothing but Dr. Poulain’s direct orders stopped her from sneakily offering ham, a delicious omelette, or vanilla chocolate.
The infatuation of the working classes on this point is very strong. The reason of their reluctance to enter a hospital is the idea that they will be starved there. The mortality caused by the food smuggled in by the wives of patients on visiting-days was at one time so great that the doctors were obliged to institute a very strict search for contraband provisions.
The obsession among the working class about this issue is very intense. Their hesitation to go to a hospital comes from the belief that they will be underfed there. At one point, the death rate from the food secretly brought in by patients' wives on visiting days was so high that doctors had to enforce a strict search for illegal provisions.
If La Cibot was to realize her profits at once, a momentary quarrel must be worked up in some way. She began by telling Pons about her visit to the theatre, not omitting her passage at arms with Mlle. Heloise the dancer.
If La Cibot wanted to cash in on her profits right away, she needed to stir up a little drama. She started by telling Pons about her trip to the theater, including her argument with Mlle. Heloise the dancer.
“But why did you go?” the invalid asked for the third time. La Cibot once launched on a stream of words, he was powerless to stop her.
“But why did you go?” the disabled person asked for the third time. Once La Cibot started talking, he couldn’t get her to stop.
“So, then, when I had given her a piece of my mind, Mademoiselle Heloise saw who I was and knuckled under, and we were the best of friends.—And now do you ask me why I went?” she added, repeating Pons’ question.
“So, when I finally told her what I thought, Mademoiselle Heloise recognized who I was and backed down, and we became the best of friends.—And now you’re asking me why I went?” she said, echoing Pons’ question.
There are certain babblers, babblers of genius are they, who sweep up interruptions, objections, and observations in this way as they go along, by way of provision to swell the matter of their conversation, as if that source were ever in any danger of running dry.
There are some people who just love to talk, and they're brilliant at it. They gather interruptions, objections, and comments along the way, almost like a way to boost the content of their conversation, as if they were ever at risk of running out of things to say.
“Why I went?” repeated she. “I went to get your M. Gaudissart out of a fix. He wants some music for a ballet, and you are hardly fit to scribble on sheets of paper and do your work, dearie.—So I understood, things being so, that a M. Garangeot was to be asked to set the Mohicans to music—”
“Why did I go?” she repeated. “I went to help your Mr. Gaudissart out of a jam. He needs some music for a ballet, and you're barely able to write on sheets of paper and get your work done, sweetheart. So I figured, with things being this way, that we should ask a Mr. Garangeot to compose the music for the Mohicans.”
“Garangeot!” roared Pons in fury. “Garangeot! a man with no talent; I would not have him for first violin! He is very clever, he is very good at musical criticism, but as to composing—I doubt it! And what the devil put the notion of going to the theatre into your head?”
“Garangeot!” Pons shouted angrily. “Garangeot! A man with no talent; I wouldn’t want him as the first violin! He’s really smart, he’s great at musical criticism, but when it comes to composing—I have my doubts! And what on earth made you think of going to the theater?”
“How confoundedly contrairy the man is! Look here, dearie, we mustn’t boil over like milk on the fire! How are you to write music in the state that you are in? Why, you can’t have looked at yourself in the glass! Will you have the glass and see? You are nothing but skin and bone—you are as weak as a sparrow, and do you think that you are fit to make your notes! why, you would not so much as make out mine.... And that reminds me that I ought to go up to the third floor lodger’s that owes us seventeen francs, for when the chemist has been paid we shall not have twenty left.—So I had to tell M. Gaudissart (I like that name), a good sort he seems to be,—a regular Roger Bontemps that would just suit me.—He will never have liver complaint!—Well, so I had to tell him how you were.—Lord! you are not well, and he has put some one else in your place for a bit—”
“How incredibly contrary that man is! Listen, sweetheart, we can’t let ourselves get all worked up like milk boiling over! How are you supposed to write music in the state you’re in? Honestly, have you even looked at yourself in the mirror? Want to grab a mirror and see? You’re nothing but skin and bones—you’re as weak as a sparrow, and do you really think you’re ready to make music? You wouldn’t even be able to figure out mine... And that reminds me, I need to go up to the lodger on the third floor who owes us seventeen francs, because once we pay the chemist, we won’t have twenty left. So, I had to let M. Gaudissart (I really like that name), he seems like a good guy—a real Roger Bontemps who would be perfect for me.—He will never have liver problems!—Well, I had to explain how you’re doing.—Oh dear! You’re not well, and he’s temporarily put someone else in your spot—”
“Some one else in my place!” cried Pons in a terrible voice, as he sat right up in bed. Sick people, generally speaking, and those most particularly who lie within the sweep of the scythe of Death, cling to their places with the same passionate energy that the beginner displays to gain a start in life. To hear that someone had taken his place was like a foretaste of death to the dying man.
“Someone else in my spot!” yelled Pons in a terrible voice as he sat up straight in bed. Sick people, in general, especially those who are within Death's reach, hold onto their positions with the same intense determination that newcomers show to get a head start in life. Hearing that someone had taken his place felt like a taste of death to the dying man.
“Why, the doctor told me that I was going on as well as possible,” continued he; “he said that I should soon be about again as usual. You have killed me, ruined me, murdered me!”
“Why, the doctor told me that I was doing as well as could be expected,” he continued; “he said that I’d soon be back to my usual self. You’ve killed me, ruined me, murdered me!”
“Tut, tut, tut!” cried La Cibot, “there you go! I am killing you, am I? Mercy on us! these are the pretty things that you are always telling M. Schmucke when my back is turned. I hear all that you say, that I do! You are a monster of ingratitude.”
“Tut, tut, tut!” exclaimed La Cibot, “there you go! Am I the one ruining you? Good grief! These are the sweet things you keep saying to M. Schmucke when I’m not around. I hear everything you say! You are a real piece of work for your ingratitude.”
“But you do not know that if I am only away for another fortnight, they will tell me that I have had my day, that I am old-fashioned, out of date, Empire, rococo, when I go back. Garangeot will have made friends all over the theatre, high and low. He will lower the pitch to suit some actress that cannot sing, he will lick M. Gaudissart’s boots!” cried the sick man, who clung to life. “He has friends that will praise him in all the newspapers; and when things are like that in such a shop, Mme. Cibot, they can find holes in anybody’s coat. ... What fiend drove you to do it?”
“But you don’t realize that if I’m gone for just another two weeks, they’ll tell me I’m past my prime, that I’m out of style, old-school, outdated, when I get back. Garangeot will have made connections all over the theater, from top to bottom. He’ll change his tune to fit some actress who can’t sing, he’ll be kissing M. Gaudissart’s feet!” shouted the sick man, desperately clinging to life. “He’ll have friends who will rave about him in all the newspapers; and when things are like that in a place like this, Mme. Cibot, they can pick apart anyone’s flaws. ... What kind of monster made you do it?”
“Why! plague take it, M. Schmucke talked it over with me for a week. What would you have? You see nothing but yourself! You are so selfish that other people may die if you can only get better.—Why poor M. Schmucke has been tired out this month past! he is tied by the leg, he can go nowhere, he cannot give lessons nor take his place at the theatre. Do you really see nothing? He sits up with you at night, and I take the nursing in the day. If I were to sit up at night with you, as I tried to do at first when I thought you were so poor, I should have to sleep all day. And who would see to the house and look out for squalls! Illness is illness, it cannot be helped, and here are you—”
“Why! Damn it, M. Schmucke discussed this with me for a week. What do you want? You only think about yourself! You're so selfish that other people could die as long as you can get better. Poor M. Schmucke has been worn out this past month! He’s stuck here, can't go anywhere, can’t give lessons, or take his place at the theater. Do you really not see anything? He stays up with you at night, and I handle the nursing during the day. If I stayed up at night with you, like I tried to do at first when I thought you were struggling, I’d have to sleep all day. And who would take care of the house and deal with emergencies? Illness is illness; it can't be helped. And here you are—”
“This was not Schmucke’s idea, it is quite impossible—”
“This wasn’t Schmucke’s idea, it’s totally impossible—”
“That means that it was I who took it into my head to do it, does it? Do you think that we are made of iron? Why, if M. Schmucke had given seven or eight lessons every day and conducted the orchestra every evening at the theatre from six o’clock till half-past eleven at night, he would have died in ten days’ time. Poor man, he would give his life for you, and do you want to be the death of him? By the authors of my days, I have never seen a sick man to match you! Where are your senses? have you put them in pawn? We are all slaving our lives out for you; we do all for the best, and you are not satisfied! Do you want to drive us raging mad? I myself, to begin with, am tired out as it is——”
"Are you saying it was me who thought of doing this? Do you really think we’re made of iron? If M. Schmucke were to give seven or eight lessons every day and conduct the orchestra every night at the theater from six to half-past eleven, he would be dead in ten days. Poor guy, he would do anything for you—do you really want to be the cause of his death? Honestly, I've never seen a sick person like you! Where are your senses? Did you pawn them? We’re all working ourselves to the bone for you; we’re doing everything we can, and you’re still not happy! Do you want to drive us all crazy? I, for one, am already exhausted as it is—"
La Cibot rattled on at her ease; Pons was too angry to say a word. He writhed on his bed, painfully uttering inarticulate sounds; the blow was killing him. And at this point, as usual, the scolding turned suddenly to tenderness. The nurse dashed at her patient, grasped him by the head, made him lie down by main force, and dragged the blankets over him.
La Cibot kept talking comfortably; Pons was too furious to say anything. He twisted in agony on his bed, letting out painful, nonsensical sounds; the pain was killing him. Then, as usual, the scolding quickly shifted to concern. The nurse rushed to her patient, took hold of his head, forced him to lie down, and pulled the blankets over him.
“How any one can get into such a state!” exclaimed she. “After all, it is your illness, dearie. That is what good M. Poulain says. See now, keep quiet and be good, my dear little sonny. Everybody that comes near you worships you, and the doctor himself comes to see you twice a day. What would he say if he found you in such a way? You put me out of all patience; you ought not to behave like this. If you have Ma’am Cibot to nurse you, you should treat her better. You shout and you talk!—you ought not to do it, you know that. Talking irritates you. And why do you fly into a passion? The wrong is all on your side; you are always bothering me. Look here, let us have it out! If M. Schmucke and I, who love you like our life, thought that we were doing right—well, my cherub, it was right, you may be sure.”
“How can anyone get into such a state?” she exclaimed. “After all, it’s your illness, dear. That’s what good M. Poulain says. Now, just stay quiet and behave, my dear little son. Everyone who comes near you adores you, and the doctor himself visits you twice a day. What would he say if he found you acting like this? You’re driving me crazy; you shouldn’t act like this. If you have Ma'am Cibot taking care of you, you should treat her better. You shout and talk!—you know you shouldn’t do that. Talking just makes you more agitated. And why do you get so angry? The fault is all yours; you’re always bothering me. Look, let’s sort this out! If M. Schmucke and I, who love you like our own lives, thought we were doing the right thing—well, my dear, it was the right thing, you can be sure.”
“Schmucke never could have told you to go to the theatre without speaking to me about it—”
“Schmucke would never have told you to go to the theater without discussing it with me first—”
“And must I wake him, poor dear, when he is sleeping like one of the blest, and call him in as a witness?”
“And do I really have to wake him, poor thing, while he’s sleeping like he’s in paradise, and bring him in as a witness?”
“No, no!” cried Pons. “If my kind and loving Schmucke made the resolution, perhaps I am worse than I thought.” His eyes wandered round the room, dwelling on the beautiful things in it with a melancholy look painful to see.
“No, no!” Pons exclaimed. “If my kind and loving Schmucke made that decision, maybe I’m worse than I realized.” His gaze scanned the room, lingering on the beautiful things around him with a sad look that was hard to watch.
“So I must say good-bye to my dear pictures, to all the things that have come to be like so many friends to me... and to my divine friend Schmucke?... Oh! can it be true?”
“So I have to say goodbye to my dear pictures, to all the things that have become like so many friends to me... and to my wonderful friend Schmucke?... Oh! is it really true?”
La Cibot, acting her heartless comedy, held her handkerchief to her eyes; and at that mute response the sufferer fell to dark musing—so sorely stricken was he by the double stab dealt to health and his interests by the loss of his post and the near prospect of death, that he had no strength left for anger. He lay, ghastly and wan, like a consumptive patient after a wrestling bout with the Destroyer.
La Cibot, playing her cold-hearted act, held a handkerchief to her eyes; and at that silent reaction, the person in pain fell into deep thought—he was so deeply affected by the double blow to his health and his finances from losing his job and facing the possibility of death that he had no energy left for anger. He lay there, pale and weak, like someone with tuberculosis after a struggle with death.
“In M. Schmucke’s interests, you see, you would do well to send for M. Trognon; he is the notary of the quarter and a very good man,” said La Cibot, seeing that her victim was completely exhausted.
“In M. Schmucke’s interests, you see, you should definitely call for M. Trognon; he’s the notary of the neighborhood and a great guy,” said La Cibot, noticing that her target was completely worn out.
“You are always talking about this Trognon—”
“You're always talking about this Trognon—”
“Oh! he or another, it is all one to me, for anything you will leave me.”
“Oh! him or anyone else, it’s all the same to me, since you’ll leave me anyway.”
She tossed her head to signify that she despised riches. There was silence in the room.
She shook her head to show that she looked down on wealth. The room was silent.
A moment later Schmucke came in. He had slept for six hours, hunger awakened him, and now he stood at Pons’ bedside watching his friend without saying a word, for Mme. Cibot had laid a finger on her lips.
A moment later, Schmucke walked in. He had slept for six hours, and hunger had woken him up, so now he stood by Pons’ bedside, watching his friend without saying a word, because Mme. Cibot had put a finger to her lips.
“Hush!” she whispered. Then she rose and went up to add under her breath, “He is going off to sleep at last, thank Heaven! He is as cross as a red donkey!—What can you expect, he is struggling with his illness——”
“Hush!” she whispered. Then she stood up and added quietly, “He’s finally gone to sleep, thank goodness! He’s been as cranky as a stubborn mule!—What can you expect? He’s dealing with his illness——”
“No, on the contrary, I am very patient,” said the victim in a weary voice that told of a dreadful exhaustion; “but, oh! Schmucke, my dear friend, she has been to the theatre to turn me out of my place.”
“No, actually, I’m very patient,” said the victim in a tired voice that revealed a deep exhaustion; “but, oh! Schmucke, my dear friend, she went to the theater to kick me out of my spot.”
There was a pause. Pons was too weak to say more. La Cibot took the opportunity and tapped her head significantly. “Do not contradict him,” she said to Schmucke; “it would kill him.”
There was a pause. Pons was too weak to say anything more. La Cibot seized the opportunity and tapped her head meaningfully. “Don’t argue with him,” she told Schmucke; “it would be too much for him.”
Pons gazed into Schmucke’s honest face. “And she says that you sent her—” he continued.
Pons looked into Schmucke’s sincere face. “And she says that you sent her—” he went on.
“Yes,” Schmucke affirmed heroically. “It had to pe. Hush!—let us safe your life. It is absurd to vork and train your sdrength gif you haf a dreasure. Get better; ve vill sell some prick-a-prack und end our tays kvietly in a corner somveres, mit kind Montame Zipod.”
“Yes,” Schmucke agreed confidently. “It had to be. Hush!—let us save your life. It’s ridiculous to work and train your strength if you have a treasure. Get better; we will sell some knick-knacks and end our days quietly in a corner somewhere, with kind Montame Zipod.”
“She has perverted you,” moaned Pons.
“She has twisted you,” moaned Pons.
Mme. Cibot had taken up her station behind the bed to make signals unobserved. Pons thought that she had left the room. “She is murdering me,” he added.
Mme. Cibot had positioned herself behind the bed to make signals without being seen. Pons thought she had left the room. “She is killing me,” he added.
“What is that? I am murdering you, am I?” cried La Cibot, suddenly appearing, hand on hips and eyes aflame. “I am as faithful as a dog, and this is all I get! God Almighty!—”
“What is that? Am I really killing you?” shouted La Cibot, suddenly showing up with her hands on her hips and her eyes blazing. “I’m as loyal as a dog, and this is all I get! God Almighty!”
She burst into tears and dropped down into the great chair, a tragical movement which wrought a most disastrous revulsion in Pons.
She started crying and sank into the big chair, a dramatic move that caused a huge shift in Pons.
“Very good,” she said, rising to her feet. The woman’s malignant eyes looked poison and bullets at the two friends. “Very good. Nothing that I can do is right here, and I am tired of slaving my life out. You shall take a nurse.”
“Very good,” she said, standing up. The woman’s malicious eyes shot daggers at the two friends. “Very good. Nothing I do is good enough here, and I’m tired of working myself to death. You will have a nurse.”
Pons and Schmucke exchanged glances in dismay.
Pons and Schmucke looked at each other in shock.
“Oh! you may look at each other like actors. I mean it. I shall ask Dr. Poulain to find a nurse for you. And now we will settle accounts. You shall pay me back the money that I have spent on you, and that I would never have asked you for, I that have gone to M. Pillerault to borrow another five hundred francs of him—”
“Oh! you can look at each other like you're in a play. I mean it. I’ll ask Dr. Poulain to find you a nurse. Now, let’s settle things. You need to pay me back the money I’ve spent on you, which I wouldn’t have asked for if I hadn’t gone to M. Pillerault to borrow another five hundred francs from him—”
“It ees his illness!” cried Schmucke—he sprang to Mme. Cibot and put an arm round her waist—“haf batience.”
“It’s his illness!” cried Schmucke—he sprang to Mme. Cibot and put an arm around her waist—“have patience.”
“As for you, you are an angel, I could kiss the ground you tread upon,” said she. “But M. Pons never liked me, he always hated me. Besides, he thinks perhaps that I want to be mentioned in his will—”
“As for you, you’re an angel; I could kiss the ground you walk on,” she said. “But M. Pons never liked me; he always hated me. Plus, he probably thinks I want to be included in his will—”
“Hush! you vill kill him!” cried Schmucke.
“Hush! You’ll kill him!” cried Schmucke.
“Good-bye, sir,” said La Cibot, with a withering look at Pons. “You may keep well for all the harm I wish you. When you can speak to me pleasantly, when you can believe that what I do is done for the best, I will come back again. Till then I shall stay in my own room. You were like my own child to me; did anybody ever see a child revolt against its mother?... No, no, M. Schmucke, I do not want to hear more. I will bring you your dinner and wait upon you, but you must take a nurse. Ask M. Poulain about it.”
“Goodbye, sir,” La Cibot said, shooting a disdainful look at Pons. “You can stay healthy for all I care. When you can talk to me nicely, when you can believe that I’m doing this for your own good, I’ll come back. Until then, I’m staying in my own room. You meant a lot to me, like a child; did anyone ever see a child turn against their mother?... No, no, M. Schmucke, I don’t want to hear any more. I’ll bring you your dinner and take care of you, but you need to get a nurse. Ask M. Poulain about it.”
And she went out, slamming the door after her so violently that the precious, fragile objects in the room trembled. To Pons in his torture, the rattle of china was like the final blow dealt by the executioner to a victim broken on the wheel.
And she stormed out, slamming the door behind her so hard that the precious, delicate items in the room shook. For Pons, in his agony, the clatter of china felt like the final strike dealt by the executioner to a victim shattered on the wheel.
An hour later La Cibot called to Schmucke through the door, telling him that his dinner was waiting for him in the dining-room. She would not cross the threshold. Poor Schmucke went out to her with a haggard, tear-stained face.
An hour later, La Cibot called to Schmucke through the door, telling him that his dinner was ready in the dining room. She wouldn’t step inside. Poor Schmucke went out to her with a worn-out, tear-stained face.
“Mein boor Bons in vandering,” said he; “he says dat you are ein pad voman. It ees his illness,” he added hastily, to soften La Cibot and excuse his friend.
“Mein poor Bons in trouble,” he said; “he says that you are a real pain. It’s his illness,” he added quickly, to ease La Cibot and defend his friend.
“Oh, I have had enough of his illness! Look here, he is neither father, nor husband, nor brother, nor child of mine. He has taken a dislike to me; well and good, that is enough! As for you, you see, I would follow you to the end of the world; but when a woman gives her life, her heart, and all her savings, and neglects her husband (for here has Cibot fallen ill), and then hears that she is a bad woman—it is coming it rather too strong, it is.”
“Oh, I’ve had enough of his sickness! Look, he’s neither a father, nor a husband, nor a brother, nor a child of mine. He has taken a dislike to me; fine, that’s enough! As for you, you see, I would follow you to the ends of the earth; but when a woman gives her life, her heart, and all her savings, and neglects her husband (because Cibot is the one who’s sick), and then hears that she’s a bad woman—it feels like a bit much, doesn’t it?”
“Too shtrong?”
"Too strong?"
“Too strong, yes. Never mind idle words. Let us come to the facts. As to that, you owe me for three months at a hundred and ninety francs—that is five hundred seventy francs; then there is the rent that I have paid twice (here are the receipts), six hundred more, including rates and the sou in the franc for the porter—something under twelve hundred francs altogether, and with the two thousand francs besides—without interest, mind you—the total amounts to three thousand one hundred and ninety-two francs. And remember that you will want at least two thousand francs before long for the doctor, and the nurse, and the medicine, and the nurse’s board. That was why I borrowed a thousand francs of M. Pillerault,” and with that she held up Gaudissart’s bank-note.
“Way too strong, yeah. Forget the empty talk. Let’s get to the point. You owe me for three months at a hundred and ninety francs—that's five hundred seventy francs; then there’s the rent I’ve paid twice (here are the receipts), six hundred more, including fees and the little bit for the porter—so that’s a bit under twelve hundred francs total, and with the two thousand francs on top of that—no interest, by the way—the grand total comes to three thousand one hundred and ninety-two francs. And keep in mind, you’ll need at least two thousand francs soon for the doctor, the nurse, the medicine, and the nurse’s board. That’s why I borrowed a thousand francs from M. Pillerault,” and with that, she held up Gaudissart’s banknote.
It may readily be conceived that Schmucke listened to this reckoning with amazement, for he knew about as much of business as a cat knows of music.
It’s easy to imagine that Schmucke listened to this calculation with amazement, because he understood about as much about business as a cat understands music.
“Montame Zipod,” he expostulated, “Bons haf lost his head. Bardon him, and nurse him as before, und pe our profidence; I peg it of you on mine knees,” and he knelt before La Cibot and kissed the tormentor’s hands.
“Montame Zipod,” he exclaimed, “Bons has lost his mind. Take care of him and nurse him like before, and be our provider; I ask this of you on my knees,” and he knelt before La Cibot and kissed the tormentor’s hands.
La Cibot raised Schmucke and kissed him on the forehead. “Listen, my lamb,” said she, “here is Cibot ill in bed; I have just sent for Dr. Poulain. So I ought to set my affairs in order. And what is more, Cibot saw me crying, and flew into such a passion that he will not have me set foot in here again. It is he who wants the money; it is his, you see. We women can do nothing when it comes to that. But if you let him have his money back again—the three thousand two hundred francs—he will be quiet perhaps. Poor man, it is his all, earned by the sweat of his brow, the savings of twenty-six years of life together. He must have his money to-morrow; there is no getting round him.—You do not know Cibot; when he is angry he would kill a man. Well, I might perhaps get leave of him to look after you both as before. Be easy. I will just let him say anything that comes into his head. I will bear it all for love of you, an angel as you are.”
La Cibot lifted Schmucke and kissed him on the forehead. “Listen, my dear,” she said, “Cibot is sick in bed; I just called Dr. Poulain. So I need to get my affairs in order. Plus, Cibot saw me crying and got so angry that he doesn’t want me to set foot in here again. It’s him who wants the money; it’s his, you know. We women can’t do anything about that. But if you give him his money back—the three thousand two hundred francs—he might calm down. Poor man, it’s everything he has, earned through years of hard work, the savings from twenty-six years together. He needs his money by tomorrow; there’s no getting around him.—You don’t know Cibot; when he’s angry, he could hurt someone. Well, maybe I could get his permission to take care of both of you like before. Don’t worry. I’ll let him say whatever he wants. I’ll take it all for love of you, since you’re such an angel.”
“No, I am ein boor man, dot lof his friend and vould gif his life to save him—”
“No, I am a poor man, who loves his friend and would give his life to save him—”
“But the money?” broke in La Cibot. “My good M. Schmucke, let us suppose that you pay me nothing; you will want three thousand francs, and where are they to come from? Upon my word, do you know what I should do in your place? I should not think twice, I should just sell seven or eight good-for-nothing pictures and put up some of those instead that are standing in your closet with their faces to the wall for want of room. One picture or another, what difference does it make?”
“But what about the money?” interrupted La Cibot. “My dear Mr. Schmucke, let’s say you don’t pay me anything; you’re going to need three thousand francs, and where are you going to get that? Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn’t hesitate—I’d just sell seven or eight worthless paintings and replace them with some that are just sitting in your closet facing the wall because there’s no space. One painting or another, what difference does it make?”
“Und vy?”
"And you?"
“He is so cunning. It is his illness, for he is a lamb when he is well. He is capable of getting up and prying about; and if by any chance he went into the salon, he is so weak that he could not go beyond the door; he would see that they are all still there.”
“He's so sly. It's his sickness, because he's sweet as can be when he's feeling better. He can get up and wander around; and if he happens to go into the living room, he’s so weak that he wouldn’t be able to go past the doorway; he’d see that they’re all still there.”
“Drue!”
"Drue!"
“And when he is quite well, we will tell him about the sale. And if you wish to confess, throw it all upon me, say that you were obliged to pay me. Come! I have a broad back—”
“And when he’s feeling better, we’ll tell him about the sale. And if you want to confess, put the blame on me, say that you had to pay me. Come on! I can take it—”
“I cannot tispose of dings dot are not mine,” the good German answered simply.
“I can’t dispose of things that aren’t mine,” the good German answered simply.
“Very well. I will summons you, you and M. Pons.”
“Okay. I will call for you and M. Pons.”
“It vould kill him—”
"It would kill him—"
“Take your choice! Dear me, sell the pictures and tell him about it afterwards... you can show him the summons—”
“Make your choice! Honestly, sell the pictures and tell him about it later... you can show him the summons—”
“Ver’ goot. Summons us. Dot shall pe mine egscuse. I shall show him der chudgment.”
“Very good. Call us. That will be my excuse. I will show him the judgment.”
Mme. Cibot went down to the court, and that very day at seven o’clock she called to Schmucke. Schmucke found himself confronted with M. Tabareau the bailiff, who called upon him to pay. Schmucke made answer, trembling from head to foot, and was forthwith summoned together with Pons, to appear in the county court to hear judgment against him. The sight of the bailiff and a bit of stamped paper covered with scrawls produced such an effect upon Schmucke, that he held out no longer.
Mme. Cibot went down to the courtyard, and that same day at seven o’clock she called for Schmucke. Schmucke found himself facing M. Tabareau the bailiff, who demanded that he pay. Schmucke replied, shaking all over, and was immediately summoned along with Pons to appear in the county court to hear the judgment against him. The sight of the bailiff and a piece of stamped paper filled with scribbles had such an effect on Schmucke that he could no longer hold on.
“Sell die bictures,” he said, with tears in his eyes.
"Sell the pictures," he said, with tears in his eyes.
Next morning, at six o’clock, Elie Magus and Remonencq took down the paintings of their choice. Two receipts for two thousand five hundred francs were made out in correct form:—
Next morning, at six o’clock, Elie Magus and Remonencq took down the paintings they had chosen. Two receipts for two thousand five hundred francs were prepared in the proper format:—
“I, the undersigned, representing M. Pons, acknowledge the receipt of two thousand five hundred francs from M. Elie Magus for the four pictures sold to him, the said sum being appropriated to the use of M. Pons. The first picture, attributed to Durer, is a portrait of a woman; the second, likewise a portrait, is of the Italian School; the third, a Dutch landscape by Breughel; and the fourth, a Holy Family by an unknown master of the Florentine School.”
“I, the undersigned, representing M. Pons, confirm that I received two thousand five hundred francs from M. Elie Magus for the four paintings sold to him, and this amount is designated for the use of M. Pons. The first painting, attributed to Durer, is a portrait of a woman; the second, also a portrait, is from the Italian School; the third is a Dutch landscape by Breughel; and the fourth is a Holy Family by an unknown master of the Florentine School.”
Remonencq’s receipt was worded in precisely the same way; a Greuze, a Claude Lorraine, a Rubens, and a Van Dyck being disguised as pictures of the French and Flemish schools.
Remonencq's receipt was phrased in exactly the same way; a Greuze, a Claude Lorraine, a Rubens, and a Van Dyck were all presented as works from the French and Flemish schools.
“Der monny makes me beleef dot the chimcracks haf som value,” said Schmucke when the five thousand francs were paid over.
“Der money makes me believe that the chimcracks have some value,” said Schmucke when the five thousand francs were paid over.
“They are worth something,” said Remonencq. “I would willingly give you a hundred thousand francs for the lot.”
“They're valuable,” said Remonencq. “I’d gladly give you a hundred thousand francs for everything.”
Remonencq, asked to do a trifling service, hung eight pictures of the proper size in the same frames, taking them from among the less valuable pictures in Schmucke’s bedroom.
Remonencq, asked to do a small favor, hung eight pictures of the right size in the same frames, taking them from the less valuable pictures in Schmucke’s bedroom.
No sooner was Elie Magus in possession of the four great pictures than he went, taking La Cibot with him, under pretence of settling accounts. But he pleaded poverty, he found fault with the pictures, they needed rebacking, he offered La Cibot thirty thousand francs by way of commission, and finally dazzled her with the sheets of paper on which the Bank of France engraves the words “One thousand francs” in capital letters. Magus thereupon condemned Remonencq to pay the like sum to La Cibot, by lending him the money on the security of his four pictures, which he took with him as a guarantee. So glorious were they, that Magus could not bring himself to part with them, and next day he bought them of Remonencq for six thousand francs over and above the original price, and an invoice was duly made out for the four. Mme. Cibot, the richer by sixty-eight thousand francs, once more swore her two accomplices to absolute secrecy. Then she asked the Jew’s advice. She wanted to invest the money in such a way that no one should know of it.
No sooner had Elie Magus gotten the four amazing paintings than he took La Cibot with him, pretending to settle accounts. However, he claimed he was broke, criticized the paintings, said they needed rebacking, and offered La Cibot thirty thousand francs as a commission. He ultimately impressed her with the sheets of paper from the Bank of France that read “One thousand francs” in big letters. Magus then forced Remonencq to pay the same amount to La Cibot by lending him the money secured by his four paintings, which he took as collateral. They were so stunning that Magus couldn’t bring himself to let them go, and the next day, he bought them from Remonencq for six thousand francs more than the original price, with an invoice properly made out for the four. Mme. Cibot, now sixty-eight thousand francs richer, once again made her two accomplices swear absolute secrecy. Then she asked the Jew for advice on how to invest the money without anyone knowing.
“Buy shares in the Orleans Railway,” said he; “they are thirty francs below par, you will double your capital in three years. They will give you scraps of paper, which you keep safe in a portfolio.”
“Buy shares in the Orleans Railway,” he said; “they are thirty francs below par, and you’ll double your investment in three years. They’ll hand you pieces of paper, which you can keep safely in a portfolio.”
“Stay here, M. Magus. I will go and fetch the man of business who acts for M. Pons’ family. He wants to know how much you will give him for the whole bag of tricks upstairs. I will go for him now.”
“Stay here, Mr. Magus. I’ll go get the person handling M. Pons’ family affairs. He wants to know how much you’re willing to pay for the entire bag of tricks upstairs. I’ll go find him now.”
“If only she were a widow!” said Remonencq when she was gone. “She would just suit me; she will have plenty of money now—”
“If only she were a widow!” said Remonencq after she left. “She would be perfect for me; she must have a lot of money now—”
“Especially if she puts her money into the Orleans Railway; she will double her capital in two years’ time. I have put all my poor little savings into it,” added the Jew, “for my daughter’s portion.—Come, let us take a turn on the boulevard until this lawyer arrives.”
“Especially if she invests her money in the Orleans Railway; she will double her capital in two years. I have put all my modest savings into it,” added the Jew, “for my daughter’s dowry.—Come on, let’s stroll along the boulevard until this lawyer gets here.”
“Cibot is very bad as it is,” continued Remonencq; “if it should please God to take him to Himself, I should have a famous wife to keep a shop; I could set up on a large scale—”
“Cibot is really terrible as he is,” Remonencq went on; “if God decides to take him away, I’d have a great wife to run a shop; I could expand big time—”
“Good-day, M. Fraisier,” La Cibot began in an ingratiating tone as she entered her legal adviser’s office. “Why, what is this that your porter has been telling me? are you going to move?”
“Good day, Mr. Fraisier,” La Cibot started in a flattering tone as she stepped into her lawyer’s office. “What’s this I hear from your porter? Are you planning to move?”
“Yes, my dear Mme. Cibot. I am taking the first floor above Dr. Poulain, and trying to borrow two or three thousand francs so as to furnish the place properly; it is very nice, upon my word, the landlord has just papered and painted it. I am acting, as I told you, in President de Marville’s interests and yours.... I am not a solicitor now; I mean to have my name entered on the roll of barristers, and I must be well lodged. A barrister in Paris cannot have his name on the rolls unless he has decent furniture and books and the like. I am a doctor of law, I have kept my terms, and have powerful interest already.... Well, how are we getting on?”
“Yes, my dear Mme. Cibot. I’m moving into the first floor above Dr. Poulain, and I’m trying to borrow two or three thousand francs to furnish the place properly; it’s really nice, I swear, the landlord just had it papered and painted. As I mentioned, I’m acting in the interests of President de Marville and you.... I’m not a solicitor anymore; I plan to have my name entered on the rolls of barristers, and I need to be well settled. A barrister in Paris can’t have his name on the rolls unless he has decent furniture, books, and such. I have a doctorate in law, I’ve completed my studies, and I already have some strong connections.... So, how are we doing?”
“Perhaps you would accept my savings,” said La Cibot. “I have put them in a savings bank. I have not much, only three thousand francs, the fruits of twenty-five years of stinting and scraping. You might give me a bill of exchange, as Remonencq says; for I am ignorant myself, I only know what they tell me.”
“Maybe you would take my savings,” said La Cibot. “I’ve put them in a savings bank. I don’t have much, just three thousand francs, the result of twenty-five years of cutting back and saving. You could give me a bill of exchange, like Remonencq says; because I’m not knowledgeable myself, I only know what they tell me.”
“No. It is against the rules of the guild for a barrister (avocat) to put his name to a bill. I will give you a receipt, bearing interest at five per cent per annum, on the understanding that if I make an income of twelve hundred francs for you out of old Pons’ estate you will cancel it.”
“No. It’s against the guild’s rules for a barrister (avocat) to lend his name to a bill. I’ll give you a receipt, with an interest rate of five percent per year, on the condition that if I earn you twelve hundred francs from old Pons’ estate, you will cancel it.”
La Cibot, caught in the trap, uttered not a word.
La Cibot, caught in the trap, said nothing.
“Silence gives consent,” Fraisier continued. “Let me have it to-morrow morning.”
“Silence implies agreement,” Fraisier continued. “I’ll take it tomorrow morning.”
“Oh! I am quite willing to pay fees in advance,” said La Cibot; “it is one way of making sure of my money.”
“Oh! I’m totally okay with paying fees upfront,” said La Cibot; “it’s a way to guarantee I get my money.”
Fraisier nodded. “How are you getting on?” he repeated. “I saw Poulain yesterday; you are hurrying your invalid along, it seems.... One more scene such as yesterday’s, and gall-stones will form. Be gentle with him, my dear Mme. Cibot, do not lay up remorse for yourself. Life is not too long.”
Fraisier nodded. “How are you doing?” he repeated. “I saw Poulain yesterday; it looks like you’re pushing your patient a bit... If you have one more scene like yesterday’s, he might end up with gallstones. Be gentle with him, my dear Mme. Cibot, don’t create regrets for yourself. Life isn’t very long.”
“Just let me alone with your remorse! Are you going to talk about the guillotine again? M. Pons is a contrairy old thing. You don’t know him. It is he that bothers me. There is not a more cross-grained man alive; his relations are in the right of it, he is sly, revengeful, and contrairy.... M. Magus has come, as I told you, and is waiting to see you.”
“Just leave me alone with your guilt! Are you going to bring up the guillotine again? M. Pons is a stubborn old guy. You don’t know him. He’s the one driving me crazy. There’s not a more cantankerous man alive; his family is justified in their feelings, he’s cunning, vengeful, and difficult.... M. Magus has arrived, like I mentioned, and is waiting to see you.”
“Right! I will be there as soon as you. Your income depends upon the price the collection will fetch. If it brings in eight hundred thousand francs, you shall have fifteen hundred francs a year. It is a fortune.”
“Okay! I’ll be there as soon as you are. Your income depends on how much the collection sells for. If it goes for eight hundred thousand francs, you’ll get fifteen hundred francs a year. That’s a big deal.”
“Very well. I will tell them to value the things on their consciences.”
“Alright. I’ll tell them to consider what’s on their minds.”
An hour later, Pons was fast asleep. The doctor had ordered a soothing draught, which Schmucke administered, all unconscious that La Cibot had doubled the dose. Fraisier, Remonencq, and Magus, three gallows-birds, were examining the seventeen hundred different objects which formed the old musician’s collection one by one.
An hour later, Pons was sound asleep. The doctor had prescribed a calming drink, which Schmucke gave him, completely unaware that La Cibot had doubled the dose. Fraisier, Remonencq, and Magus, three shady characters, were going through the seventeen hundred various items that made up the old musician's collection one by one.
Schmucke had gone to bed. The three kites, drawn by the scent of a corpse, were masters of the field.
Schmucke had gone to bed. The three kites, attracted by the smell of a dead body, were in control of the area.
“Make no noise,” said La Cibot whenever Magus went into ecstasies or explained the value of some work of art to Remonencq. The dying man slept on in the neighboring room, while greed in four different forms appraised the treasures that he must leave behind, and waited impatiently for him to die—a sight to wring the heart.
“Be quiet,” La Cibot would say whenever Magus got carried away or talked about the value of some artwork to Remonencq. The dying man kept sleeping in the next room, while greed in four different forms evaluated the treasures he was about to leave behind, waiting impatiently for him to pass away—a scene that would break your heart.
Three hours went by before they had finished the salon.
Three hours passed before they finished the salon.
“On an average,” said the grimy old Jew, “everything here is worth a thousand francs.”
“On average,” said the dirty old man, “everything here is worth a thousand francs.”
“Seventeen hundred thousand francs!” exclaimed Fraisier in bewilderment.
“Seventeen hundred thousand francs!” Fraisier exclaimed in disbelief.
“Not to me,” Magus answered promptly, and his eyes grew dull. “I would not give more than a hundred thousand francs myself for the collection. You cannot tell how long you may keep a thing on hand. ... There are masterpieces that wait ten years for a buyer, and meanwhile the purchase money is doubled by compound interest. Still, I should pay cash.”
“Not for me,” Magus replied quickly, and his eyes dimmed. “I wouldn’t pay more than a hundred thousand francs myself for the collection. You can't predict how long you might hold onto something. ... There are masterpieces that sit for ten years waiting for a buyer, and during that time, the money you spent could have doubled due to compound interest. Still, I'd pay in cash.”
“There is stained glass in the other room, as well as enamels and miniatures and gold and silver snuff-boxes,” put in Remonencq.
“There’s stained glass in the other room, along with enamels, miniatures, and gold and silver snuff-boxes,” added Remonencq.
“Can they be seen?” inquired Fraisier.
“Can we see them?” asked Fraisier.
“I’ll see if he is sound asleep,” replied La Cibot. She made a sign, and the three birds of prey came in.
“I’ll check if he’s sound asleep,” La Cibot replied. She gestured, and the three birds of prey entered.
“There are masterpieces yonder!” said Magus, indicating the salon, every bristle of his white beard twitching as he spoke. “But the riches are here! And what riches! Kings have nothing more glorious in royal treasuries.”
“There are masterpieces over there!” said Magus, pointing to the salon, every hair of his white beard twitching as he spoke. “But the treasures are right here! And what treasures! Kings have nothing more glorious in their royal vaults.”
Remonencq’s eyes lighted up till they glowed like carbuncles, at the sight of the gold snuff-boxes. Fraisier, cool and calm as a serpent, or some snake-creature with the power of rising erect, stood with his viper head stretched out, in such an attitude as a painter would choose for Mephistopheles. The three covetous beings, thirsting for gold as devils thirst for the dew of heaven, looked simultaneously, as it chanced, at the owner of all this wealth. Some nightmare troubled Pons; he stirred, and suddenly, under the influence of those diabolical glances, he opened his eyes with a shrill cry.
Remonencq’s eyes lit up until they gleamed like gems at the sight of the gold snuff boxes. Fraisier, cool and composed like a snake, or some serpent-like creature able to rise upright, stood with his head extended, in a pose a painter might choose for Mephistopheles. The three greedy figures, craving gold like devils crave heavenly dew, all happened to look at the owner of this wealth at the same moment. Pons was disturbed by some nightmare; he moved, and suddenly, under the weight of those sinister glances, he opened his eyes with a sharp cry.
“Thieves!... There they are!... Help! Murder! Help!”
“Thieves!... There they are!... Help! Someone’s been murdered! Help!”
The nightmare was evidently still upon him, for he sat up in bed, staring before him with blank, wide-open eyes, and had not the power to move.
The nightmare was clearly still haunting him, as he sat up in bed, staring ahead with wide, empty eyes, unable to move.
Elie Magus and Remonencq made for the door, but a word glued them to the spot.
Elie Magus and Remonencq headed for the door, but a word kept them frozen in place.
“Magus here!... I am betrayed!”
“Magus here! I’ve been betrayed!”
Instinctively the sick man had known that his beloved pictures were in danger, a thought that touched him at least as closely as any dread for himself, and he awoke. Fraisier meanwhile did not stir.
Instinctively, the sick man had realized that his beloved pictures were in danger, a thought that affected him just as much as any fear for himself, and he woke up. Meanwhile, Fraisier did not move.
“Mme. Cibot! who is that gentleman?” cried Pons, shivering at the sight.
“Mme. Cibot! Who is that guy?” cried Pons, shivering at the sight.
“Goodness me! how could I put him out of the door?” she inquired, with a wink and gesture for Fraisier’s benefit. “This gentleman came just a minute ago, from your family.”
“Wow! How could I possibly kick him out?” she asked, winking and gesturing for Fraisier to notice. “This guy just arrived a minute ago from your family.”
Fraisier could not conceal his admiration for La Cibot.
Fraisier couldn't hide his admiration for La Cibot.
“Yes, sir,” he said, “I have come on behalf of Mme. la Presidente de Marville, her husband, and her daughter, to express their regret. They learned quite by accident that you are ill, and they would like to nurse you themselves. They want you to go to Marville and get well there. Mme. la Vicomtesse Popinot, the little Cecile that you love so much, will be your nurse. She took your part with her mother. She convinced Mme. de Marville that she had made a mistake.”
“Yes, sir,” he said, “I’ve come on behalf of Mrs. President de Marville, her husband, and her daughter to express their regret. They found out by chance that you’re unwell, and they want to take care of you themselves. They want you to go to Marville and recover there. Mrs. Vicomtesse Popinot, the little Cecile you care for so much, will be your nurse. She stood up for you with her mother. She convinced Mrs. de Marville that she had made a mistake.”
“So my next-of-kin have sent you to me, have they?” Pons exclaimed indignantly, “and sent the best judge and expert in all Paris with you to show you the way? Oh! a nice commission!” he cried, bursting into wild laughter. “You have come to value my pictures and curiosities, my snuff-boxes and miniatures!... Make your valuation. You have a man there who understands everything, and more—he can buy everything, for he is a millionaire ten times over.... My dear relatives will not have long to wait,” he added, with bitter irony, “they have choked the last breath out of me.... Ah! Mme. Cibot, you said you were a mother to me, and you bring dealers into the house, and my competitor and the Camusots, while I am asleep!... Get out, all of you!—”
“So, my relatives sent you to me, did they?” Pons exclaimed indignantly. “And they sent the best judge and expert in all of Paris along with you to show you the way? Oh! What a lovely assignment!” he laughed wildly. “You’re here to appraise my paintings and curiosities, my snuff-boxes and miniatures!... Go ahead and make your assessment. You have a guy there who knows everything and more—he can buy anything, since he’s a millionaire multiple times over.... My dear relatives won’t have to wait long,” he added with bitter irony, “they’ve squeezed the last breath out of me.... Ah! Mme. Cibot, you said you were like a mother to me, yet you bring dealers into my home, along with my competitor and the Camusots, while I’m asleep!... Get out, all of you!”
The unhappy man was beside himself with anger and fear; he rose from the bed and stood upright, a gaunt, wasted figure.
The unhappy man was overwhelmed with anger and fear; he got out of bed and stood up, a thin, emaciated figure.
“Take my arm, sir,” said La Cibot, rushing to the rescue, lest Pons should fall. “Pray calm yourself, the gentlemen are gone.”
“Take my arm, sir,” La Cibot said, rushing to help, so Pons wouldn’t fall. “Please calm down, the gentlemen are gone.”
“I want to see the salon....” said the death-stricken man. La Cibot made a sign to the three ravens to take flight. Then she caught up Pons as if he had been a feather, and put him in bed again, in spite of his cries. When she saw that he was quite helpless and exhausted, she went to shut the door on the staircase. The three who had done Pons to death were still on the landing; La Cibot told them to wait. She heard Fraisier say to Magus:
“I want to see the salon…” said the man who was nearing death. La Cibot motioned for the three ravens to take off. Then, she lifted Pons as if he weighed nothing and laid him back in bed, despite his protests. When she noticed that he was completely weak and drained, she went to close the door on the staircase. The three who had caused Pons’ demise were still on the landing; La Cibot instructed them to wait. She heard Fraisier say to Magus:
“Let me have it in writing, and sign it, both of you. Undertake to pay nine hundred thousand francs in cash for M. Pons’ collection, and we will see about putting you in the way of making a handsome profit.”
“Put it in writing and have both of you sign it. Agree to pay nine hundred thousand francs in cash for M. Pons’ collection, and we’ll look into helping you make a nice profit.”
With that he said something to La Cibot in a voice so low that the others could not catch it, and went down after the two dealers to the porter’s room.
With that, he whispered something to La Cibot that the others couldn’t hear, and followed the two dealers down to the porter’s room.
“Have they gone, Mme. Cibot?” asked the unhappy Pons, when she came back again.
“Have they left, Mme. Cibot?” asked the unhappy Pons when she returned.
“Gone?... who?” asked she.
“Gone?... who?” she asked.
“Those men.”
"Those guys."
“What men? There, now, you have seen men,” said she. “You have just had a raving fit; if it hadn’t been for me you would have gone out the window, and now you are still talking of men in the room. Is it always to be like this?”
“What guys? There, now you’ve seen guys,” she said. “You just had a meltdown; if it wasn’t for me, you would have gone out the window, and now you’re still talking about guys in the room. Is it going to be like this all the time?”
“What! was there not a gentleman here just now, saying that my relatives had sent him?”
“What! Wasn’t there a guy here just now saying that my family sent him?”
“Will you still stand me out?” said she. “Upon my word, do you know where you ought to be sent?—To the asylum at Charenton. You see men—”
“Will you still put up with me?” she asked. “Honestly, do you even realize where you should be sent?—To the asylum at Charenton. You see men—”
“Elie Magus, Remonencq, and—”
“Elie Magus, Remonencq, and—”
“Oh! as for Remonencq, you may have seen him, for he came up to tell me that my poor Cibot is so bad that I must clear out of this and come down. My Cibot comes first, you see. When my husband is ill, I can think of nobody else. Try to keep quiet and sleep for a couple of hours; I have sent for Dr. Poulain, and I will come up with him.... Take a drink and be good—”
“Oh! as for Remonencq, you might have seen him, since he came by to tell me that my poor Cibot is so sick that I need to leave this place and come down. My Cibot comes first, you know. When my husband is unwell, I can’t focus on anyone else. Try to stay quiet and sleep for a couple of hours; I’ve called Dr. Poulain, and I’ll go up with him.... Have a drink and be good—”
“Then was there no one in the room just now, when I waked?...”
“Then was there no one in the room just now when I woke up?...”
“No one,” said she. “You must have seen M. Remonencq in one of your looking-glasses.”
“No one,” she said. “You must have seen M. Remonencq in one of your mirrors.”
“You are right, Mme. Cibot,” said Pons, meek as a lamb.
“You're right, Mme. Cibot,” said Pons, as mild as a lamb.
“Well, now you are sensible again.... Good-bye, my cherub; keep quiet, I shall be back again in a minute.”
“Well, now you're thinking clearly again.... Bye, my dear; stay calm, I'll be back in a minute.”
When Pons heard the outer door close upon her, he summoned up all his remaining strength to rise.
When Pons heard the front door close behind her, he gathered all his remaining strength to get up.
“They are cheating me,” he muttered to himself, “they are robbing me! Schmucke is a child that would let them tie him up in a sack.”
“They're cheating me,” he muttered to himself, “they're robbing me! Schmucke is like a kid who would let them stuff him in a sack.”
The terrible scene had seemed so real, it could not be a dream, he thought; a desire to throw light upon the puzzle excited him; he managed to reach the door, opened it after many efforts, and stood on the threshold of his salon. There they were—his dear pictures, his statues, his Florentine bronzes, his porcelain; the sight of them revived him. The old collector walked in his dressing-gown along the narrow spaces between the credence-tables and the sideboards that lined the wall; his feet bare, his head on fire. His first glance of ownership told him that everything was there; he turned to go back to bed again, when he noticed that a Greuze portrait looked out of the frame that had held Sebastian del Piombo’s Templar. Suspicion flashed across his brain, making his dark thoughts apparent to him, as a flash of lightning marks the outlines of the cloud-bars on a stormy sky. He looked round for the eight capital pictures of the collection; each one of them was replaced by another. A dark film suddenly overspread his eyes; his strength failed him; he fell fainting upon the polished floor.
The awful scene felt too real to be just a dream, he thought; a need to make sense of the puzzle excited him. He finally managed to reach the door, opened it after a lot of effort, and stood in the doorway of his living room. There they were—his beloved paintings, his statues, his Florentine bronzes, his porcelain; seeing them brought him back to life. The old collector strolled in his dressing gown along the narrow spaces between the credenzas and sideboards that lined the wall; his feet were bare, and his head felt like it was on fire. His first look of ownership reassured him that everything was there; he turned to head back to bed when he noticed that a Greuze portrait was peering out of the frame that had once held Sebastian del Piombo’s Templar. A flash of suspicion crossed his mind, making his dark thoughts clear to him, like a flash of lightning revealing the shapes of clouds in a stormy sky. He looked around for the eight main pictures of the collection; each one had been replaced by something else. A dark haze suddenly covered his eyes; he felt weak and collapsed onto the polished floor.
So heavy was the swoon, that for two hours he lay as he fell, till Schmucke awoke and went to see his friend, and found him lying unconscious in the salon. With endless pains Schmucke raised the half-dead body and laid it on the bed; but when he came to question the death-stricken man, and saw the look in the dull eyes and heard the vague, inarticulate words, the good German, so far from losing his head, rose to the very heroism of friendship. Man and child as he was, with the pressure of despair came the inspiration of a mother’s tenderness, a woman’s love. He warmed towels (he found towels!), he wrapped them about Pons’ hands, he laid them over the pit of the stomach; he took the cold, moist forehead in his hands, he summoned back life with a might of will worthy of Apollonius of Tyana, laying kisses on his friend’s eyelids like some Mary bending over the dead Christ, in a pieta carved in bas-relief by some great Italian sculptor. The divine effort, the outpouring of one life into another, the work of mother and of lover, was crowned with success. In half an hour the warmth revived Pons; he became himself again, the hues of life returned to his eyes, suspended faculties gradually resumed their play under the influence of artificial heat; Schmucke gave him balm-water with a little wine in it; the spirit of life spread through the body; intelligence lighted up the forehead so short a while ago insensible as a stone; and Pons knew that he had been brought back to life, by what sacred devotion, what might of friendship!
So heavy was the faint that for two hours he lay as he fell, until Schmucke woke up and went to check on his friend, only to find him lying unconscious in the living room. With great effort, Schmucke lifted the nearly lifeless body and placed it on the bed; but when he tried to talk to the death-stricken man, saw the look in his dull eyes, and heard his vague, inarticulate words, the good German, instead of panicking, rose to the heroism of friendship. Man and child as he was, with the weight of despair came the inspiration of a mother’s tenderness and a woman’s love. He heated towels (he found towels!), wrapped them around Pons’ hands, and laid them over his stomach; he held the cold, damp forehead in his hands, summoning back life with a willpower worthy of Apollonius of Tyana, kissing his friend’s eyelids like some Mary bending over the dead Christ in a pieta sculpted in bas-relief by a great Italian artist. The divine effort, the outpouring of one life into another, the work of a mother and a lover, was successful. In half an hour, the warmth revived Pons; he became himself again, the colors of life returned to his eyes, and suspended faculties gradually resumed their function under the influence of the artificial heat; Schmucke gave him balm-water with a little wine in it; the spirit of life spread through his body; intelligence lit up the forehead that had just moments ago been as insensible as a stone; and Pons realized that he had been brought back to life by what sacred devotion and what powerful friendship!
“But for you, I should die,” he said, and as he spoke he felt the good German’s tears falling on his face. Schmucke was laughing and crying at once.
“But for you, I would die,” he said, and as he spoke, he felt the good German’s tears falling on his face. Schmucke was laughing and crying at the same time.
Poor Schmucke! he had waited for those words with a frenzy of hope as costly as the frenzy of despair; and now his strength utterly failed him, he collapsed like a rent balloon. It was his turn to fall; he sank into the easy-chair, clasped his hands, and thanked God in fervent prayer. For him a miracle had just been wrought. He put no belief in the efficacy of the prayer of his deeds; the miracle had been wrought by God in direct answer to his cry. And yet that miracle was a natural effect, such as medical science often records.
Poor Schmucke! He had been waiting for those words with a wild hope as intense as his despair; and now his strength completely gave out, collapsing like a deflated balloon. It was his moment to fall; he sank into the easy chair, clasped his hands, and thanked God with heartfelt prayer. A miracle had just happened for him. He didn’t believe that his prayers or actions had any power; the miracle was a direct answer from God to his plea. Yet, that miracle was a natural outcome, much like what medical science often observes.
A sick man, surrounded by those who love him, nursed by those who wish earnestly that he should live, will recover (other things being equal), when another patient tended by hirelings will die. Doctors decline to see unconscious magnetism in this phenomenon; for them it is the result of intelligent nursing, of exact obedience to their orders; but many a mother knows the virtue of such ardent projection of strong, unceasing prayer.
A sick man, surrounded by loved ones and cared for by those who genuinely want him to survive, is more likely to recover (all else being equal) than another patient who is looked after by hired help. Doctors refuse to acknowledge the unconscious influence in this situation; to them, it’s all about the quality of care and following their instructions precisely. However, many mothers understand the power of passionate, unwavering prayer.
“My good Schmucke—”
“My good friend Schmucke—”
“Say nodings; I shall hear you mit mein heart... rest, rest!” said Schmucke, smiling at him.
“Say nothing; I will hear you with my heart... rest, rest!” said Schmucke, smiling at him.
“Poor friend, noble creature, child of God, living in God!... The one being that has loved me....” The words came out with pauses between them; there was a new note, a something never heard before, in Pons’ voice. All the soul, so soon to take flight, found utterance in the words that filled Schmucke with happiness almost like a lover’s rapture.
“Poor friend, noble being, child of God, living in God!... The one person who has loved me....” The words came out with pauses between them; there was a new tone, something never heard before, in Pons’ voice. All the soul, so soon to take flight, expressed itself in the words that filled Schmucke with happiness almost like the joy of a lover.
“Yes, yes. I shall be shtrong as a lion. I shall vork for two!”
“Yes, yes. I will be strong as a lion. I will work for two!”
“Listen, my good, my faithful, adorable friend. Let me speak, I have not much time left. I am a dead man. I cannot recover from these repeated shocks.”
“Listen, my good, faithful, wonderful friend. Let me speak, I don’t have much time left. I’m a dead man. I can’t recover from these repeated blows.”
Schmucke was crying like a child.
Schmucke was crying like a kid.
“Just listen,” continued Pons, “and cry afterwards. As a Christian, you must submit. I have been robbed. It is La Cibot’s doing.... I ought to open your eyes before I go; you know nothing of life.... Somebody has taken away eight of the pictures, and they were worth a great deal of money.”
“Just listen,” continued Pons, “and cry later. As a Christian, you have to accept it. I've been robbed. It's La Cibot's fault.... I should show you the truth before I leave; you know nothing about life.... Someone has taken eight of the paintings, and they were worth a lot of money.”
“Vorgif me—I sold dem.”
"Forget it—I sold them."
“You sold them?”
“You sold them?”
“Yes, I,” said poor Schmucke. “Dey summoned us to der court—”
“Yes, I,” said poor Schmucke. “They summoned us to the court—”
“Summoned?.... Who summoned us?”
“Summoned?.... Who called us?”
“Wait,” said Schmucke. He went for the bit of stamped-paper left by the bailiff, and gave it to Pons. Pons read the scrawl through with close attention, then he let the paper drop and lay quite silent for a while. A close observer of the work of men’s hands, unheedful so far of the workings of the brain, Pons finally counted out the threads of the plot woven about him by La Cibot. The artist’s fire, the intellect that won the Roman scholarship—all his youth came back to him for a little.
“Wait,” said Schmucke. He picked up the piece of stamped paper left by the bailiff and handed it to Pons. Pons read the messy writing closely, then let the paper fall and remained silent for a while. An attentive observer of how people's hands worked, unaware until now of the thought processes behind it, Pons finally unraveled the threads of the plot that La Cibot had woven around him. The artist's passion, the intelligence that earned him the Roman scholarship—all of his youth returned to him for a moment.
“My good Schmucke,” he said at last, “you must do as I tell you, and obey like a soldier. Listen! go downstairs into the lodge and tell that abominable woman that I should like to see the person sent to me by my cousin the President; and that unless he comes, I shall leave my collection to the Musee. Say that a will is in question.”
“My good Schmucke,” he finally said, “you need to do as I say and follow my instructions like a soldier. Listen! Go downstairs to the lodge and tell that dreadful woman that I want to see the person my cousin the President sent to me; and that if he doesn’t come, I’ll leave my collection to the museum. Mention that a will is at stake.”
Schmucke went on his errand; but at the first word, La Cibot answered by a smile.
Schmucke went on his errand; but at the first word, La Cibot responded with a smile.
“My good M. Schmucke, our dear invalid has had a delirious fit; he thought that there were men in the room. On my word, as an honest woman, no one has come from the family.”
“My good M. Schmucke, our dear patient has had a fever dream; he thought there were men in the room. I swear, as an honest woman, no one from the family has come.”
Schmucke went back with his answer, which he repeated word for word.
Schmucke returned with his response, which he repeated exactly as it was.
“She is cleverer, more astute and cunning and wily, than I thought,” said Pons with a smile. “She lies even in her room. Imagine it! This morning she brought a Jew here, Elie Magus by name, and Remonencq, and a third whom I do not know, more terrific than the other two put together. She meant to make a valuation while I was asleep; I happened to wake, and saw them all three, estimating the worth of my snuff-boxes. The stranger said, indeed, that the Camusots had sent him here; I spoke to him.... That shameless woman stood me out that I was dreaming!... My good Schmucke, it was not a dream. I heard the man perfectly plainly; he spoke to me.... The two dealers took fright and made for the door.... I thought that La Cibot would contradict herself—the experiment failed.... I will lay another snare, and trap the wretched woman.... Poor Schmucke, you think that La Cibot is an angel; and for this month past she has been killing me by inches to gain her covetous ends. I would not believe that a woman who served us faithfully for years could be so wicked. That doubt has been my ruin.... How much did the eight pictures fetch?”
“She’s smarter, more perceptive, and sneakier than I ever thought,” Pons said with a smile. “She even lies in her own room. Can you believe it? This morning, she brought a Jew here, a guy named Elie Magus, along with Remonencq, and a third person I don’t recognize, who’s even more terrifying than the first two combined. She planned to assess the value of my snuff-boxes while I was asleep; luckily, I woke up and caught all three of them measuring the worth of my items. The stranger actually claimed that the Camusots sent him here; I talked to him…. That shameless woman insisted I was just dreaming!... My dear Schmucke, it wasn’t a dream. I heard that man clearly; he spoke to me…. The two dealers panicked and rushed for the door…. I thought La Cibot would trip herself up—the plan backfired…. I’ll set another trap to catch that miserable woman…. Poor Schmucke, you think La Cibot is an angel; but for the past month, she’s been slowly torturing me to get what she wants. I never believed someone who had served us faithfully for years could be so wicked. That doubt has been my downfall…. How much did the eight paintings sell for?”
“Vife tausend vrancs.”
“Five thousand francs.”
“Good heavens! they were worth twenty times as much!” cried Pons; “the gems of the collection! I have not time now to institute proceedings; and if I did, you would figure in court as the dupe of those rascals. ... A lawsuit would be the death of you. You do not know what justice means—a court of justice is a sink of iniquity.... At the sight of such horrors, a soul like yours would give way. And besides, you will have enough. The pictures cost me forty thousand francs. I have had them for thirty-six years.... Oh, we have been robbed with surprising dexterity. I am on the brink of the grave, I care for nothing now but thee—for thee, the best soul under the sun....
“Good heavens! They were worth twenty times that much!” shouted Pons; “the gems of the collection! I don’t have time to start a lawsuit now; and even if I did, you’d end up in court as the victim of those crooks. ... A lawsuit would be the end of you. You don’t understand what justice really is—a court of justice is a pit of corruption.... Just seeing such horrors would break someone like you. And besides, you’ll have enough. The paintings cost me forty thousand francs. I’ve had them for thirty-six years.... Oh, we were robbed with such skill. I’m on the edge of the grave, I care for nothing now but you—for you, the best soul in the world....
“I will not have you plundered; all that I have is yours. So you must trust nobody, Schmucke, you that have never suspected any one in your life. I know God watches over you, but He may forget for one moment, and you will be seized like a vessel among pirates.... La Cibot is a monster! She is killing me; and you think her an angel! You shall see what she is. Go and ask her to give you the name of a notary, and I will show you her with her hand in the bag.”
“I won’t let anyone take advantage of you; everything I have is yours. So you have to trust no one, Schmucke, even though you’ve never suspected anyone in your life. I know God is looking out for you, but He might forget for just a moment, and then you’ll be caught like a ship among pirates.... La Cibot is a monster! She’s destroying me; and you think she’s an angel! You’ll see what she really is. Go and ask her for the name of a notary, and I’ll show you her with her hand in the bag.”
Schmucke listened as if Pons proclaimed an apocalypse. Could so depraved a creature as La Cibot exist? If Pons was right, it seemed to imply that there was no God in the world. He went right down again to Mme. Cibot.
Schmucke listened as if Pons were announcing the end of the world. Could someone as corrupt as La Cibot really exist? If Pons was correct, it suggested that there was no God in the world. He went straight back down to Mme. Cibot.
“Mein boor vriend Bons feel so ill,” he said, “dat he vish to make his vill. Go und pring ein nodary.”
“ mijn boor vriend Bons voelt zich zo ziek,” zei hij, “dat hij zijn wil wil maken. Ga en breng een notaris.”
This was said in the hearing of several persons, for Cibot’s life was despaired of. Remonencq and his sister, two women from neighboring porters’ lodges, two or three servants, and the lodger from the first floor on the side next the street, were all standing outside in the gateway.
This was said in front of several people, as Cibot's life was in serious doubt. Remonencq and his sister, two women from nearby porter lodges, a couple of servants, and the tenant from the first floor on the street side were all standing outside in the doorway.
“Oh! you can just fetch a notary yourself, and have your will made as you please,” cried La Cibot, with tears in her eyes. “My poor Cibot is dying, and it is no time to leave him. I would give all the Ponses in the world to save Cibot, that has never given me an ounce of unhappiness in these thirty years since we were married.”
“Oh! You can just get a notary yourself and have your will written however you want,” La Cibot exclaimed, tears in her eyes. “My poor Cibot is dying, and I can’t leave him now. I’d give up all the Ponses in the world to save Cibot, who has never brought me an ounce of unhappiness in the thirty years since we got married.”
And in she went, leaving Schmucke in confusion.
And in she went, leaving Schmucke confused.
“Is M. Pons really seriously ill, sir?” asked the first-floor lodger, one Jolivard, a clerk in the registrar’s office at the Palais de Justice.
“Is M. Pons really sick, sir?” asked the first-floor tenant, one Jolivard, a clerk in the registrar’s office at the Palais de Justice.
“He nearly died chust now,” said Schmucke, with deep sorrow in his voice.
“He almost died just now,” said Schmucke, with deep sadness in his voice.
“M. Trognon lives near by in the Rue Saint-Louis,” said M. Jolivard, “he is the notary of the quarter.”
“M. Trognon lives nearby on Rue Saint-Louis,” said M. Jolivard, “he's the notary for the area.”
“Would you like me to go for him?” asked Remonencq.
“Do you want me to go after him?” asked Remonencq.
“I should pe fery glad,” said Schmucke; “for gif Montame Zipod cannot pe mit mine vriend, I shall not vish to leaf him in der shtate he is in—”
“I should be very glad,” said Schmucke; “for if Montame Zipod cannot be with my friend, I shall not want to leave him in the state he is in—”
“Mme. Cibot told us that he was going out of his mind,” resumed Jolivard.
“Mrs. Cibot told us that he was losing his mind,” Jolivard continued.
“Bons! out off his mind!” cried Schmucke, terror-stricken by the idea. “Nefer vas he so clear in der head... dat is chust der reason vy I am anxious for him.”
“Good! He's out of his mind!” cried Schmucke, horrified by the thought. “He was never so clear-headed... that's exactly why I'm worried about him.”
The little group of persons listened to the conversation with a very natural curiosity, which stamped the scene upon their memories. Schmucke did not know Fraisier, and could not note his satanic countenance and glittering eyes. But two words whispered by Fraisier in La Cibot’s ear had prompted a daring piece of acting, somewhat beyond La Cibot’s range, it may be, though she played her part throughout in a masterly style. To make others believe that the dying man was out of his mind—it was the very corner-stone of the edifice reared by the petty lawyer. The morning’s incident had done Fraisier good service; but for him, La Cibot in her trouble might have fallen into the snare innocently spread by Schmucke, when he asked her to send back the person sent by the family.
The small group of people listened to the conversation with a natural curiosity that etched the scene into their memories. Schmucke didn't know Fraisier and couldn't notice his devilish face and sparkling eyes. But two words whispered by Fraisier in La Cibot’s ear had triggered a bold act, one that might have been a bit beyond La Cibot’s usual abilities, though she played her role perfectly. Making others believe that the dying man was out of his mind was the foundation of the scheme put together by the petty lawyer. The morning's event had served Fraisier well; without him, La Cibot might have innocently fallen into the trap set by Schmucke when he asked her to send back the person the family had sent.
Remonencq saw Dr. Poulain coming towards them, and asked no better than to vanish. The fact was that for the last ten days the Auvergnat had been playing Providence in a manner singularly displeasing to Justice, which claims the monopoly of that part. He had made up his mind to rid himself at all costs of the one obstacle in his way to happiness, and happiness for him meant capital trebled and marriage with the irresistibly charming portress. He had watched the little tailor drinking his herb-tea, and a thought struck him. He would convert the ailment into mortal sickness; his stock of old metals supplied him with the means.
Remonencq saw Dr. Poulain walking toward them and wanted nothing more than to disappear. The truth was that for the past ten days, the Auvergnat had been acting like a puppet master in a way that was really annoying to Justice, which believes it should have full control over that. He was determined to remove the one thing standing in the way of his happiness, and for him, happiness meant tripling his money and marrying the irresistibly charming portress. He had been watching the little tailor sip his herbal tea when an idea hit him. He would turn the condition into a life-threatening illness; his stash of old metals gave him the means to do it.
One morning as he leaned against the door-post, smoking his pipe and dreaming of that fine shop on the Boulevard de la Madeleine where Mme. Cibot, gorgeously arrayed, should some day sit enthroned, his eyes fell upon a copper disc, about the size of a five-franc piece, covered thickly with verdigris. The economical idea of using Cibot’s medicine to clean the disc immediately occurred to him. He fastened the thing in a bit of twine, and came over every morning to inquire for tidings of his friend the tailor, timing his visit during La Cibot’s visit to her gentlemen upstairs. He dropped the disc into the tumbler, allowed it to steep there while he talked, and drew it out again by the string when he went away.
One morning, as he leaned against the doorframe, smoking his pipe and dreaming about the fancy shop on the Boulevard de la Madeleine where Mme. Cibot would one day reign, he noticed a copper disc, about the size of a five-franc coin, covered in green corrosion. The clever thought of using Cibot's cleaner to shine the disc popped into his mind. He tied it up with some string and came by every morning to check on his friend the tailor, timing his visits during La Cibot’s time with her men upstairs. He dropped the disc into a glass, let it soak while they chatted, and pulled it out by the string when he left.
The trace of tarnished copper, commonly called verdigris, poisoned the wholesome draught; a minute dose administered by stealth did incalculable mischief. Behold the results of this criminal homoeopathy! On the third day poor Cibot’s hair came out, his teeth were loosened in their sockets, his whole system was deranged by a scarcely perceptible trace of poison. Dr. Poulain racked his brains. He was enough of a man of science to see that some destructive agent was at work. He privately carried off the decoction, analyzed it himself, but found nothing. It so chanced that Remonencq had taken fright and omitted to dip the disc in the tumbler that day.
The trace of tarnished copper, commonly known as verdigris, poisoned the clean drink; a tiny dose given secretly caused immense harm. Look at the results of this secretive treatment! On the third day, poor Cibot's hair fell out, his teeth became loose, and his entire system was disrupted by a barely noticeable trace of poison. Dr. Poulain racked his brains. He was enough of a scientist to realize that some harmful agent was at work. He discreetly took the drink, analyzed it himself, but found nothing. It just so happened that Remonencq had gotten scared and forgot to dip the disc in the glass that day.
Then Dr. Poulain fell back on himself and science and got out of the difficulty with a theory. A sedentary life in a damp room; a cramped position before the barred window—these conditions had vitiated the blood in the absence of proper exercise, especially as the patient continually breathed an atmosphere saturated with the fetid exhalations of the gutter. The Rue de Normandie is one of the old-fashioned streets that slope towards the middle; the municipal authorities of Paris as yet have laid on no water supply to flush the central kennel which drains the houses on either side, and as a result a stream of filthy ooze meanders among the cobblestones, filters into the soil, and produces the mud peculiar to the city. La Cibot came and went; but her husband, a hard-working man, sat day in day out like a fakir on the table in the window, till his knee-joints were stiffened, the blood stagnated in his body, and his legs grew so thin and crooked that he almost lost the use of them. The deep copper tint of the man’s complexion naturally suggested that he had been out of health for a very long time. The wife’s good health and the husband’s illness seemed to the doctor to be satisfactorily accounted for by this theory.
Then Dr. Poulain reflected on himself and science and resolved the issue with a theory. A sedentary lifestyle in a damp room; a cramped position in front of the barred window—these conditions had tainted the blood due to a lack of proper exercise, especially since the patient was continuously breathing air full of the foul smells from the gutter. Rue de Normandie is one of those old streets that slope down in the middle; the city of Paris still hadn't provided a water supply to clean the central drain that serves the houses on either side, leading to a stream of filthy sludge flowing between the cobblestones, seeping into the ground, and creating the characteristic mud of the city. La Cibot came and went; however, her husband, a diligent man, sat day in and day out like a fakir at the table by the window, until his knee joints stiffened, the blood stagnated in his body, and his legs became so thin and twisted that he nearly lost the ability to use them. The deep copper hue of the man’s skin clearly indicated that he had been in poor health for quite some time. The doctor found the wife's good health and the husband's illness could be reasonably explained by this theory.
“Then what is the matter with my poor Cibot?” asked the portress.
“Then what's wrong with my poor Cibot?” asked the doorkeeper.
“My dear Mme. Cibot, he is dying of the porter’s disease,” said the doctor. “Incurable vitiation of the blood is evident from the general anaemic condition.”
“My dear Madame Cibot, he is dying from the porter’s disease,” said the doctor. “The obvious incurable contamination of the blood is clear from his overall anemic condition.”
No one had anything to gain by a crime so objectless. Dr. Poulain’s first suspicions were effaced by this thought. Who could have any possible interest in Cibot’s death? His wife?—the doctor saw her taste the herb-tea as she sweetened it. Crimes which escape social vengeance are many enough, and as a rule they are of this order—to wit, murders committed without any startling sign of violence, without bloodshed, bruises, marks of strangling, without any bungling of the business, in short; if there seems to be no motive for the crime, it most likely goes unpunished, especially if the death occurs among the poorer classes. Murder is almost always denounced by its advanced guards, by hatred or greed well known to those under whose eyes the whole matter has passed. But in the case of the Cibots, no one save the doctor had any interest in discovering the actual cause of death. The little copper-faced tailor’s wife adored her husband; he had no money and no enemies; La Cibot’s fortune and the marine-store dealer’s motives were alike hidden in the shade. Poulain knew the portress and her way of thinking perfectly well; he thought her capable of tormenting Pons, but he saw that she had neither motive enough nor wit enough for murder; and besides—every time the doctor came and she gave her husband a draught, she took a spoonful herself. Poulain himself, the only person who might have thrown light on the matter, inclined to believe that this was one of the unaccountable freaks of disease, one of the astonishing exceptions which make medicine so perilous a profession. And in truth, the little tailor’s unwholesome life and unsanitary surroundings had unfortunately brought him to such a pass that the trace of copper-poisoning was like the last straw. Gossips and neighbors took it upon themselves to explain the sudden death, and no suspicion of blame lighted upon Remonencq.
No one had anything to gain from such a pointless crime. Dr. Poulain's initial doubts were wiped away by this thought. Who could possibly be interested in Cibot's death? His wife? The doctor watched her taste the herbal tea as she sweetened it. There are plenty of crimes that go unpunished, and they often fall into this category—murders committed without any obvious signs of violence, without blood, bruises, or marks of strangulation, and with no mishandling of the situation. In short, if there appears to be no motive for the crime, it’s likely to go unpunished, especially if the death involves people from lower-income backgrounds. Murder is almost always pointed out by its indicators, like known hatred or greed in those who have witnessed the events. But in the case of the Cibots, no one but the doctor had an interest in uncovering the true cause of death. The little copper-faced tailor's wife adored her husband; he had no money and no enemies; La Cibot’s fortune and the motives of the marine-store dealer were both hidden in the shadows. Poulain understood the portress and her mindset well; he thought she might be capable of harassing Pons, but he realized she lacked both the motive and the intelligence for murder. Moreover, every time the doctor came by and she gave her husband a drink, she took a spoonful for herself. Poulain himself, the only person who could have shed light on the matter, was inclined to think that this was one of those inexplicable medical anomalies, one of the shocking exceptions that make medicine such a risky profession. Indeed, the little tailor’s unhealthy lifestyle and unsanitary environment had unfortunately brought him to a point where the effects of copper poisoning were just the final straw. Gossip and neighbors took it upon themselves to explain the sudden death, and no blame fell upon Remonencq.
“Oh! this long time past I have said that M. Cibot was not well,” cried one.
“Oh! I've been saying for a long time that Mr. Cibot isn't well,” exclaimed one.
“He worked too hard, he did,” said another; “he heated his blood.”
“He worked way too hard, he really did,” said another; “he got himself all worked up.”
“He would not listen to me,” put in a neighbor; “I advised him to walk out of a Sunday and keep Saint Monday; two days in the week is not too much for amusement.”
“He wouldn’t listen to me,” added a neighbor; “I suggested he take a walk on Sundays and enjoy a Saint Monday; two days a week isn’t too much for fun.”
In short, the gossip of the quarter, the tell-tale voice to which Justice, in the person of the commissary of police, the king of the poorer classes, lends an attentive ear—gossip explained the little tailor’s demise in a perfectly satisfactory manner. Yet M. Poulain’s pensive air and uneasy eyes embarrassed Remonencq not a little, and at sight of the doctor he offered eagerly to go in search of M. Trognon, Fraisier’s acquaintance. Fraisier turned to La Cibot to say in a low voice, “I shall come back again as soon as the will is made. In spite of your sorrow, you must look for squalls.” Then he slipped away like a shadow and met his friend the doctor.
In short, the neighborhood gossip, which Justice, through the police chief—basically the voice of the lower classes—paid close attention to, explained the little tailor's death in a completely acceptable way. However, M. Poulain's thoughtful demeanor and anxious look made Remonencq feel quite uneasy, and upon seeing the doctor, he quickly offered to go find M. Trognon, who was acquainted with Fraisier. Fraisier turned to La Cibot and said quietly, “I’ll come back as soon as the will is done. Even with your sadness, you should expect trouble.” Then he slipped away like a shadow and ran into his friend the doctor.
“Ah, Poulain!” he exclaimed, “it is all right. We are safe! I will tell you about it to-night. Look out a post that will suit you, you shall have it! For my own part, I am a justice of the peace. Tabareau will not refuse me now for a son-in-law. And as for you, I will undertake that you shall marry Mlle. Vitel, granddaughter of our justice of the peace.”
“Ah, Poulain!” he shouted, “everything’s fine! We’re safe! I’ll fill you in tonight. Find a job that works for you, and you’ll get it! As for me, I’m a justice of the peace now. Tabareau won’t turn me down as a son-in-law anymore. And I’ll make sure you marry Mlle. Vitel, the granddaughter of our justice of the peace.”
Fraisier left Poulain reduced to dumb bewilderment by these wild words; bounced like a ball into the boulevard, hailed an omnibus, and was set down ten minutes later by the modern coach at the corner of the Rue de Choiseul. By this time it was nearly four o’clock. Fraisier felt quite sure of a word in private with the Presidente, for officials seldom leave the Palais de Justice before five o’clock.
Fraisier left Poulain completely stunned by his wild words; he bounced like a ball into the street, hailed a bus, and was dropped off ten minutes later by the modern coach at the corner of Rue de Choiseul. By then, it was almost four o’clock. Fraisier was confident he could have a private chat with the Presidente, as officials rarely leave the Palais de Justice before five o’clock.
Mme. de Marville’s reception of him assured Fraisier that M. Leboeuf had kept his promise made to Mme. Vatinelle and spoken favorably of the sometime attorney at Mantes. Amelie’s manner was almost caressing. So might the Duchesse de Montpensier have treated Jacques Clement. The petty attorney was a knife to her hand. But when Fraisier produced the joint-letter signed by Elie Magus and Remonencq offering the sum of nine hundred thousand francs in cash for Pons’ collection, then the Presidente looked at her man of business and the gleam of the money flashed from her eyes. That ripple of greed reached the attorney.
Mme. de Marville’s welcoming demeanor made Fraisier confident that M. Leboeuf had fulfilled his promise to Mme. Vatinelle and had spoken highly of the former attorney from Mantes. Amelie’s attitude was almost affectionate, much like how the Duchesse de Montpensier might have interacted with Jacques Clement. The mediocre attorney was a tool for her convenience. However, when Fraisier revealed the joint letter signed by Elie Magus and Remonencq, offering nine hundred thousand francs in cash for Pons’ collection, the Presidente turned to her business partner and her eyes sparkled with the thrill of the money. That hint of greed reached the attorney.
“M. le President left a message with me,” she said; “he hopes that you will dine with us to-morrow. It will be a family party. M. Godeschal, Desroches’ successor and my attorney, will come to meet you, and Berthier, our notary, and my daughter and son-in-law. After dinner, you and I and the notary and attorney will have the little consultation for which you ask, and I will give you full powers. The two gentlemen will do as you require and act upon your inspiration; and see that everything goes well. You shall have a power of attorney from M. de Marville as soon as you want it.”
“M. le President left a message for me,” she said; “he hopes you can join us for dinner tomorrow. It’ll be a family gathering. M. Godeschal, Desroches’ successor and my lawyer, will be there to meet you, along with Berthier, our notary, my daughter, and son-in-law. After dinner, you, me, the notary, and the lawyer will have the little consultation you requested, and I’ll give you full authority. The two gentlemen will follow your lead and make sure that everything goes smoothly. You’ll receive a power of attorney from M. de Marville as soon as you need it.”
“I shall want it on the day of the decease.”
“I will want it on the day of the death.”
“It shall be in readiness.”
"It will be ready."
“Mme. la Presidente, if I ask for a power of attorney, and would prefer that your attorney’s name should not appear I wish it less in my own interest than in yours.... When I give myself, it is without reserve. And in return, madame, I ask the same fidelity; I ask my patrons (I do not venture to call you my clients) to put the same confidence in me. You may think that in acting thus I am trying to fasten upon this affair—no, no, madame; there may be reprehensible things done; with an inheritance in view one is dragged on... especially with nine hundred thousand francs in the balance. Well, now, you could not disavow a man like Maitre Godeschal, honesty itself, but you can throw all the blame on the back of a miserable pettifogging lawyer—”
“Madam President, if I request a power of attorney, I would prefer that your attorney's name doesn't appear. I want this more for your sake than mine... When I commit myself, I do so completely. In return, madam, I ask for the same loyalty; I ask my patrons (I don't dare refer to you as my clients) to place the same trust in me. You might think that by acting this way I’m trying to cling to this matter—no, no, madam; there may be questionable actions taken; when an inheritance is involved, it’s easy to get pulled in... especially when it's nine hundred thousand francs at stake. Well, you couldn’t disown someone like Maitre Godeschal, the epitome of honesty, but you can easily cast all the blame onto a miserable, unscrupulous lawyer—”
Mme. Camusot de Marville looked admiringly at Fraisier.
Mme. Camusot de Marville looked at Fraisier with admiration.
“You ought to go very high,” said she, “or sink very low. In your place, instead of asking to hide myself away as a justice of the peace, I would aim at the crown attorney’s appointment—at, say, Mantes!—and make a great career for myself.”
“You should either aim really high or go really low,” she said. “If I were you, instead of wanting to hide away as a justice of the peace, I would go for the crown attorney position—like in Mantes!—and build an impressive career for myself.”
“Let me have my way, madame. The post of justice of the peace is an ambling pad for M. Vitel; for me it shall be a war-horse.”
“Let me do this my way, madam. The position of justice of the peace is a leisurely role for M. Vitel; for me, it will be a battle-ready steed.”
And in this way the Presidente proceeded to a final confidence.
And in this way, the President moved forward with a final confidence.
“You seem to be so completely devoted to our interests,” she began, “that I will tell you about the difficulties of our position and our hopes. The President’s great desire, ever since a match was projected between his daughter and an adventurer who recently started a bank,—the President’s wish, I say, has been to round out the Marville estate with some grazing land, at that time in the market. We dispossessed ourselves of fine property, as you know, to settle it upon our daughter; but I wish very much, my daughter being an only child, to buy all that remains of the grass land. Part has been sold already. The estate belongs to an Englishman who is returning to England after a twenty years’ residence in France. He built the most charming cottage in a delightful situation, between Marville Park and the meadows which once were part of the Marville lands; he bought up covers, copse, and gardens at fancy prices to make the grounds about the cottage. The house and its surroundings make a feature of the landscape, and it lies close to my daughter’s park palings. The whole, land and house, should be bought for seven hundred thousand francs, for the net revenue is about twenty thousand francs.... But if Mr. Wadman finds out that we think of buying it, he is sure to add another two or three hundred thousand francs to the price; for he will lose money if the house counts for nothing, as it usually does when you buy land in the country—”
“You seem completely committed to our interests,” she started, “so I’ll share the challenges we’re facing and our hopes. Ever since there was a proposal for a match between his daughter and a newcomer who recently started a bank, the President has really wanted to expand the Marville estate with some grazing land that was up for sale at that time. We gave up a good property, as you know, to settle it on our daughter; but I really want, since she’s an only child, to buy all that’s left of the grassland. Some of it has already been sold. The estate belongs to an Englishman who is heading back to England after living in France for twenty years. He built the most charming cottage in a lovely spot, between Marville Park and the meadows that used to be part of the Marville lands; he purchased woods, thickets, and gardens at high prices to enhance the grounds around the cottage. The house and its grounds stand out in the landscape, and it’s right next to my daughter’s park boundaries. The whole property, land and house, should be bought for seven hundred thousand francs, as the net income is around twenty thousand francs... But if Mr. Wadman finds out that we are considering buying it, he’ll definitely increase the price by another two or three hundred thousand francs, because he will lose money if the house isn’t valued, which is usually the case when you buy land in the countryside—”
“Why, madame,” Fraisier broke in, “in my opinion you can be so sure that the inheritance is yours that I will offer to act the part of purchaser for you. I will undertake that you shall have the land at the best possible price, and have a written engagement made out under private seal, like a contract to deliver goods.... I will go to the Englishman in the character of buyer. I understand that sort of thing; it was my specialty at Mantes. Vatinelle doubled the value of his practice, while I worked in his name.”
“Why, madam,” Fraisier interrupted, “I believe you can be so confident that the inheritance is yours that I'm willing to act as the buyer for you. I will make sure you get the land at the best possible price and have a written agreement created under private seal, like a contract for goods delivery.... I’ll approach the Englishman as the buyer. I know how that kind of thing works; it was my specialty in Mantes. Vatinelle doubled the value of his practice while I worked under his name.”
“Hence your connection with little Madame Vatinelle. He must be very well off—”
“That's why you're involved with little Madame Vatinelle. He must be doing quite well—”
“But Mme. Vatinelle has expensive tastes.... So be easy, madame—I will serve you up the Englishman done to a turn—”
“But Mme. Vatinelle has expensive tastes.... So relax, madame—I will serve you the Englishman just right—”
“If you can manage that you will have eternal claims to my gratitude. Good-day, my dear M. Fraisier. Till to-morrow—”
“If you can manage that, you will have my eternal gratitude. Goodbye, my dear M. Fraisier. See you tomorrow—”
Fraisier went. His parting bow was a degree less cringing than on the first occasion.
Fraisier left. His goodbye bow was a bit less submissive than the first time.
“I am to dine to-morrow with President de Marville!” he said to himself. “Come now, I have these folk in my power. Only, to be absolute master, I ought to be the German’s legal adviser in the person of Tabareau, the justice’s clerk. Tabareau will not have me now for his daughter, his only daughter, but he will give her to me when I am a justice of the peace. I shall be eligible. Mlle. Tabareau, that tall, consumptive girl with the red hair, has a house in the Place Royale in right of her mother. At her father’s death she is sure to come in for six thousand francs, you must not look too hard at the plank.”
“I’m having dinner with President de Marville tomorrow!” he said to himself. “Alright, I have these people in my hands. But to be completely in control, I need to be the German’s legal advisor through Tabareau, the clerk of the court. Tabareau might not agree to let me marry his only daughter now, but he will when I become a justice of the peace. I’ll be qualified. Mlle. Tabareau, that tall, frail girl with the red hair, has a house in the Place Royale through her mother. When her father passes away, she’s definitely going to inherit six thousand francs; just don’t examine the details too closely.”
As he went back to the Rue de Normandie by way of the boulevards, he dreamed out his golden dream, he gave himself up to the happiness of the thought that he should never know want again. He would marry his friend Poulain to Mlle. Vitel, the daughter of the justice of the peace; together, he and his friend the doctor would reign like kings in the quarter; he would carry all the elections—municipal, military, or political. The boulevards seem short if, while you pace afoot, you mount your ambition on the steed of fancy in this way.
As he walked back to Rue de Normandie along the boulevards, he indulged in his golden dream, surrendering to the happiness of the thought that he would never experience want again. He would marry his friend Poulain to Mlle. Vitel, the daughter of the justice of the peace; together, he and his friend the doctor would rule like kings in the neighborhood and he would win all the elections—municipal, military, or political. The boulevards feel shorter when you walk and ride your ambition on the horse of imagination like this.
Schmucke meanwhile went back to his friend Pons with the news that Cibot was dying, and Remonencq gone in search of M. Trognon, the notary. Pons was struck by the name. It had come up again and again in La Cibot’s interminable talk, and La Cibot always recommended him as honesty incarnate. And with that a luminous idea occurred to Pons, in whom mistrust had grown paramount since the morning, an idea which completed his plan for outwitting La Cibot and unmasking her completely for the too-credulous Schmucke.
Schmucke went back to his friend Pons with the news that Cibot was dying and that Remonencq had gone looking for Mr. Trognon, the notary. Pons was taken aback by the name. It had come up repeatedly in La Cibot’s endless conversation, and La Cibot always spoke highly of him as the epitome of honesty. Suddenly, a bright idea struck Pons, who had become increasingly suspicious since the morning. This idea finalized his plan to outsmart La Cibot and expose her completely to the overly trusting Schmucke.
So many unexpected things had happened that day that poor Schmucke was quite bewildered. Pons took his friend’s hand.
So many unexpected things had happened that day that poor Schmucke was completely confused. Pons took his friend's hand.
“There must be a good deal of confusion in the house, Schmucke; if the porter is at death’s door, we are almost free for a minute or two; that is to say, there will be no spies—for we are watched, you may be sure of that. Go out, take a cab, go to the theatre, and tell Mlle. Heloise Brisetout that I should like to see her before I die. Ask her to come here to-night when she leaves the theatre. Then go to your friends Brunner and Schwab and beg them to come to-morrow morning at nine o’clock to inquire after me; let them come up as if they were just passing by and called in to see me.”
“There’s probably a lot of confusion in the house, Schmucke; if the porter is at death’s door, we have a minute or two of freedom. That means there won’t be any spies—because we’re definitely being watched. Go out, grab a cab, head to the theater, and tell Mlle. Heloise Brisetout that I’d like to see her before I die. Ask her to come here tonight when she finishes at the theater. Then go to your friends Brunner and Schwab and ask them to come by tomorrow morning at nine o’clock to check on me; have them come upstairs as if they were just passing by and decided to drop in.”
The old artist felt that he was dying, and this was the scheme that he forged. He meant Schmucke to be his universal legatee. To protect Schmucke from any possible legal quibbles, he proposed to dictate his will to a notary in the presence of witnesses, lest his sanity should be called in question and the Camusots should attempt upon that pretext to dispute the will. At the name of Trognon he caught a glimpse of machinations of some kind; perhaps a flaw purposely inserted, or premeditated treachery on La Cibot’s part. He would prevent this. Trognon should dictate a holograph will which should be signed and deposited in a sealed envelope in a drawer. Then Schmucke, hidden in one of the cabinets in his alcove, should see La Cibot search for the will, find it, open the envelope, read it through, and seal it again. Next morning, at nine o’clock, he would cancel the will and make a new one in the presence of two notaries, everything in due form and order. La Cibot had treated him as a madman and a visionary; he saw what this meant—he saw the Presidente’s hate and greed, her revenge in La Cibot’s behavior. In the sleepless hours and lonely days of the last two months, the poor man had sifted the events of his past life.
The old artist felt like he was dying, and this was the plan he came up with. He intended for Schmucke to be his universal heir. To safeguard Schmucke from any potential legal disputes, he decided to have his will dictated to a notary in front of witnesses, to prevent anyone from questioning his sanity and to stop the Camusots from using that as an excuse to contest the will. When he heard the name Trognon, he caught a glimpse of some kind of scheme; maybe a flaw intentionally added, or premeditated betrayal from La Cibot. He would stop this. Trognon was to dictate a handwritten will that would be signed and then placed in a sealed envelope in a drawer. Then, Schmucke, hiding in one of the cabinets in his alcove, would witness La Cibot searching for the will, finding it, opening the envelope, reading it, and sealing it again. The next morning, at nine o’clock, he would revoke the will and create a new one in front of two notaries, everything done properly and in order. La Cibot had treated him like a madman and a dreamer; he understood what this meant—he saw the Presidente's hatred and greed, her desire for revenge reflected in La Cibot's actions. In the sleepless hours and lonely days of the past two months, the poor man had reviewed the events of his life.
It has been the wont of sculptors, ancient and modern, to set a tutelary genius with a lighted torch upon either side of a tomb. Those torches that light up the paths of death throw light for dying eyes upon the spectacle of a life’s mistakes and sins; the carved stone figures express great ideas, they are symbols of a fact in human experience. The agony of death has its own wisdom. Not seldom a simple girl, scarcely more than a child, will grow wise with the experience of a hundred years, will gain prophetic vision, judge her family, and see clearly through all pretences, at the near approach of Death. Herein lies Death’s poetry. But, strange and worthy of remark it is, there are two manners of death.
It has been common for sculptors, both ancient and modern, to place a guardian spirit with a lit torch on either side of a tomb. Those torches that illuminate the paths of death shed light on the mistakes and sins of a life for dying eyes; the carved stone figures convey significant ideas and symbolize a reality in human experience. The pain of death carries its own wisdom. Often, a simple girl, barely more than a child, will gain the wisdom of a hundred years, develop a prophetic insight, evaluate her family, and see through all pretenses as Death approaches. This is where Death’s poetry lies. However, it is strange and noteworthy that there are two ways to die.
The poetry of prophecy, the gift of seeing clearly into the future or the past, only belongs to those whose bodies are stricken, to those who die by the destruction of the organs of physical life. Consumptive patients, for instance, or those who die of gangrene like Louis XIV., of fever like Pons, of a stomach complaint like Mme. de Mortsauf, or of wounds received in the full tide of life like soldiers on the battlefield—all these may possess this supreme lucidity to the full; their deaths fill us with surprise and wonder. But many, on the other hand, die of intelligential diseases, as they may be called; of maladies seated in the brain or in that nervous system which acts as a kind of purveyor of thought fuel—and these die wholly, body and spirit are darkened together. The former are spirits deserted by the body, realizing for us our ideas of the spirits of Scripture; the latter are bodies untenanted by a spirit.
The poetry of prophecy, the ability to see clearly into the future or the past, only belongs to those whose bodies are afflicted, to those who die from the failure of their physical organs. For example, consumptive patients, or those who die from gangrene like Louis XIV., from fever like Pons, from a stomach ailment like Mme. de Mortsauf, or from injuries sustained in the heat of battle like soldiers—all of these may fully experience this ultimate clarity; their deaths astonish and intrigue us. On the other hand, many die from what could be called "intellectual" diseases; from conditions rooted in the brain or in that nervous system which serves as a kind of provider of thought energy—and these individuals die completely, their bodies and spirits are darkened together. The former are spirits abandoned by the body, embodying our concepts of the spirits found in Scripture; the latter are bodies without a spirit.
Too late the virgin nature, the epicure-Cato, the righteous man almost without sin, was discovering the Presidente’s real character—the sac of gall that did duty for her heart. He knew the world now that he was about to leave it, and for the past few hours he had risen gaily to his part, like a joyous artist finding a pretext for caricature and laughter in everything. The last links that bound him to life, the chains of admiration, the strong ties that bind the art lover to Art’s masterpieces, had been snapped that morning. When Pons knew that La Cibot had robbed him, he bade farewell, like a Christian, to the pomps and vanities of Art, to his collection, to all his old friendships with the makers of so many fair things. Our forefathers counted the day of death as a Christian festival, and in something of the same spirit Pons’ thoughts turned to the coming end. In his tender love he tried to protect Schmucke when he should be low in the grave. It was this father’s thought that led him to fix his choice upon the leading lady of the ballet. Mlle. Brisetout should help him to baffle surrounding treachery, and those who in all probability would never forgive his innocent universal legatee.
Too late, the innocent nature, the pleasure-seeking Cato, the nearly sinless man, was realizing the true character of the President—the bitter heart that replaced her emotions. He understood the world now that he was about to leave it, and for the past few hours, he had embraced his role joyfully, like an artist finding reasons to laugh and caricature everything around him. The last connections that tied him to life, the chains of admiration, the strong bonds that link art lovers to masterpieces, had shattered that morning. When Pons discovered that La Cibot had betrayed him, he said goodbye, like a Christian, to the illusions and vanities of art, to his collection, and to all his old friendships with the creators of many beautiful things. Our ancestors viewed the day of death as a Christian celebration, and with a similar sentiment, Pons’ thoughts turned to his impending end. In his loving concern, he tried to protect Schmucke when he would be laid low in the grave. It was this fatherly instinct that led him to choose the lead ballerina. Mlle. Brisetout should help him outsmart the surrounding betrayal, especially from those who would likely never forgive his innocent universal heir.
Heloise Brisetout was one of the few natures that remain true in a false position. She was an opera-girl of the school of Josepha and Jenny Cadine, capable of playing any trick on a paying adorer; yet she was a good comrade, dreading no power on earth, accustomed as she was to see the weak side of the strong and to hold her own with the police at the scarcely idyllic Bal de Mabille and the carnival.
Heloise Brisetout was one of the rare individuals who stayed genuine in a fake environment. She was an opera girl in the style of Josepha and Jenny Cadine, able to pull any stunt on a paying admirer; yet she was a loyal friend, fearless of any authority, used to seeing the vulnerabilities of the powerful and standing her ground with the police at the hardly idyllic Bal de Mabille and during carnival season.
“If she asked for my place for Garangeot, she will think that she owes me a good turn by so much the more,” said Pons to himself.
“If she asks for my place for Garangeot, she'll think she owes me a favor even more,” Pons said to himself.
Thanks to the prevailing confusion in the porter’s lodge, Schmucke succeeded in getting out of the house. He returned with the utmost speed, fearing to leave Pons too long alone. M. Trognon reached the house just as Schmucke came in. Albeit Cibot was dying, his wife came upstairs with the notary, brought him into the bedroom, and withdrew, leaving Schmucke and Pons with M. Trognon; but she left the door ajar, and went no further than the next room. Providing herself with a little hand-glass of curious workmanship, she took up her station in the doorway, so that she could not only hear but see all that passed at the supreme moment.
Thanks to the chaos in the porter’s lodge, Schmucke managed to get out of the house. He rushed back, worried about leaving Pons alone for too long. M. Trognon arrived just as Schmucke walked in. Even though Cibot was dying, his wife came upstairs with the notary, brought him into the bedroom, and then left, leaving Schmucke and Pons with M. Trognon; however, she left the door slightly open and stayed only in the next room. She took a small hand mirror with intricate designs and positioned herself in the doorway so she could both hear and see everything that happened at that critical moment.
“Sir,” said Pons, “I am in the full possession of my faculties, unfortunately for me, for I feel that I am about to die; and doubtless, by the will of God, I shall be spared nothing of the agony of death. This is M. Schmucke”—(the notary bowed to M. Schmucke)—“my one friend on earth,” continued Pons. “I wish to make him my universal legatee. Now, tell me how to word the will, so that my friend, who is a German and knows nothing of French law, may succeed to my possessions without any dispute.”
“Sir,” Pons said, “I am fully aware of my situation, which unfortunately means I know I’m about to die; and surely, by God’s will, I won’t be spared any of the pain of dying. This is M. Schmucke”—(the notary nodded to M. Schmucke)—“my only friend in the world,” Pons continued. “I want to make him my universal heir. Now, please tell me how to phrase the will so that my friend, who is German and doesn’t understand French law, can inherit my possessions without any issues.”
“Anything is liable to be disputed, sir,” said the notary; “that is the drawback of human justice. But in the matter of wills, there are wills so drafted that they cannot be upset—”
“Anything can be questioned, sir,” the notary said; “that’s the downside of human justice. But when it comes to wills, there are some that are written in a way that they can’t be challenged—”
“In what way?” queried Pons.
“How so?” asked Pons.
“If a will is made in the presence of a notary, and before witnesses who can swear that the testator was in the full possession of his faculties; and if the testator has neither wife nor children, nor father nor mother—”
“If a will is created in front of a notary and witnesses who can confirm that the testator was fully aware and in control of his faculties; and if the testator has no spouse, children, father, or mother—”
“I have none of these; all my affection is centred upon my dear friend Schmucke here.”
“I don't have any of those; all my love is focused on my dear friend Schmucke here.”
The tears overflowed Schmucke’s eyes.
Schmucke's eyes overflowed with tears.
“Then, if you have none but distant relatives, the law leaves you free to dispose of both personalty and real estate as you please, so long as you bequeath them for no unlawful purpose; for you must have come across cases of wills disputed on account of the testator’s eccentricities. A will made in the presence of a notary is considered to be authentic; for the person’s identity is established, the notary certifies that the testator was sane at the time, and there can be no possible dispute over the signature.—Still, a holograph will, properly and clearly worded, is quite as safe.”
“Then, if you only have distant relatives, the law allows you to handle both personal property and real estate however you want, as long as you don't leave them for any illegal purpose; you’ve probably seen cases where wills were contested because of the quirks of the person who made them. A will created in front of a notary is considered valid; the person's identity is confirmed, the notary verifies that the person was sane at the time, and there shouldn’t be any dispute over the signature. Still, a handwritten will, if it's properly and clearly written, is just as secure.”
“I have decided, for reasons of my own, to make a holograph will at your dictation, and to deposit it with my friend here. Is this possible?”
“I’ve decided, for my own reasons, to create a holographic will based on your instructions and to keep it with my friend here. Is that possible?”
“Quite possible,” said the notary. “Will you write? I will begin to dictate—”
“Sure, that could be. Will you write? I’ll start dictating—”
“Schmucke, bring me my little Boule writing-desk.—Speak low, sir,” he added; “we may be overheard.”
“Schmucke, bring me my little Boule writing desk.—Speak quietly, sir,” he added; “we might be overheard.”
“Just tell me, first of all, what you intend,” demanded the notary.
“Just tell me, to start with, what you plan,” demanded the notary.
Ten minutes later La Cibot saw the notary look over the will, while Schmucke lighted a taper (Pons watching her reflection all the while in a mirror). She saw the envelope sealed, saw Pons give it to Schmucke, and heard him say that it must be put away in a secret drawer in his bureau. Then the testator asked for the key, tied it to the corner of his handkerchief, and slipped it under his pillow.
Ten minutes later, La Cibot saw the notary reviewing the will while Schmucke lit a candle (Pons watched her reflection in a mirror the whole time). She saw the envelope get sealed, watched Pons hand it to Schmucke, and heard him say it needed to be stored in a secret drawer in his desk. Then the person making the will asked for the key, tied it to the corner of his handkerchief, and slipped it under his pillow.
The notary himself, by courtesy, was appointed executor. To him Pons left a picture of price, such a thing as the law permits a notary to receive. Trognon went out and came upon Mme. Cibot in the salon.
The notary himself, out of courtesy, was named executor. Pons left him a valuable painting, something that the law allows a notary to accept. Trognon went outside and encountered Mme. Cibot in the living room.
“Well, sir, did M. Pons remember me?”
“Well, sir, did M. Pons remember me?”
“You do not expect a notary to betray secrets confided to him, my dear,” returned M. Trognon. “I can only tell you this—there will be many disappointments, and some that are anxious after the money will be foiled. M. Pons has made a good and very sensible will, a patriotic will, which I highly approve.”
“You don’t expect a notary to betray the secrets you share with him, my dear,” M. Trognon replied. “All I can say is that there will be many disappointments, and some who are eager for the money will be disappointed. M. Pons has made a solid and very sensible will, a patriotic will, which I fully support.”
La Cibot’s curiosity, kindled by such words, reached an unimaginable pitch. She went downstairs and spent the night at Cibot’s bedside, inwardly resolving that Mlle. Remonencq should take her place towards two or three in the morning, when she would go up and have a look at the document.
La Cibot’s curiosity, sparked by those words, reached an incredible level. She went downstairs and stayed by Cibot’s side all night, secretly planning to have Mlle. Remonencq take over around two or three in the morning so she could go up and check out the document.
Mlle. Brisetout’s visit towards half-past ten that night seemed natural enough to La Cibot; but in her terror lest the ballet-girl should mention Gaudissart’s gift of a thousand francs, she went upstairs with her, lavishing polite speeches and flattery as if Mlle. Heloise had been a queen.
Mlle. Brisetout’s visit around 10:30 that night felt completely normal to La Cibot; however, fearing that the ballet dancer might bring up Gaudissart’s gift of a thousand francs, she went upstairs with her, showering her with polite remarks and compliments as if Mlle. Heloise were a queen.
“Ah! my dear, you are much nicer here on your own ground than at the theatre,” Heloise remarked. “I advise you to keep to your employment.”
“Ah! my dear, you’re much more charming here in your own element than at the theater,” Heloise said. “I suggest you stick to your work.”
Heloise was splendidly dressed. Bixiou, her lover, had brought her in his carriage on the way to an evening party at Mariette’s. It so fell out that the first-floor lodger, M. Chapoulot, a retired braid manufacturer from the Rue Saint-Denis, returning from the Ambigu-Comique with his wife and daughter, was dazzled by a vision of such a costume and such a charming woman upon their staircase.
Heloise was beautifully dressed. Bixiou, her boyfriend, had brought her in his carriage on the way to an evening party at Mariette’s. As luck would have it, the first-floor tenant, M. Chapoulot, a retired braid maker from Rue Saint-Denis, was coming back from the Ambigu-Comique with his wife and daughter when he was dazzled by the sight of such a stunning outfit and such a lovely woman on their staircase.
“Who is that, Mme. Cibot?” asked Mme. Chapoulot.
“Who is that, Mrs. Cibot?” asked Mrs. Chapoulot.
“A no-better-than-she-should-be, a light-skirts that you may see half-naked any evening for a couple of francs,” La Cibot answered in an undertone for Mme. Chapoulot’s ear.
“A no-better-than-she-should-be, a flirt that you might see half-naked any evening for a couple of francs,” La Cibot replied softly for Mme. Chapoulot to hear.
“Victorine!” called the braid manufacturer’s wife, “let the lady pass, child.”
“Victorine!” called the wife of the braid manufacturer, “let the lady pass, kid.”
The matron’s alarm signal was not lost upon Heloise.
The matron’s alarm signal did not go unnoticed by Heloise.
“Your daughter must be more inflammable than tinder, madame, if you are afraid that she will catch fire by touching me,” she said.
“Your daughter must be more flammable than dry grass, ma'am, if you're worried that she will catch fire just by touching me,” she said.
M. Chapoulot waited on the landing. “She is uncommonly handsome off the stage,” he remarked. Whereupon Mme. Chapoulot pinched him sharply and drove him indoors.
M. Chapoulot waited on the landing. “She is really attractive offstage,” he said. At that, Mme. Chapoulot pinched him sharply and pushed him indoors.
“Here is a second-floor lodger that has a mind to set up for being on the fourth floor,” said Heloise as she continued to climb.
“Here’s a second-floor tenant who thinks they’re suited for the fourth floor,” Heloise said as she kept climbing.
“But mademoiselle is accustomed to going higher and higher.”
“But the young lady is used to aiming higher and higher.”
“Well, old boy,” said Heloise, entering the bedroom and catching sight of the old musician’s white, wasted face. “Well, old boy, so we are not very well? Everybody at the theatre is asking after you; but though one’s heart may be in the right place, every one has his own affairs, you know, and cannot find time to go to see friends. Gaudissart talks of coming round every day, and every morning the tiresome management gets hold of him. Still, we are all of us fond of you—”
“Well, old man,” said Heloise, walking into the bedroom and noticing the old musician’s pale, worn face. “Well, old man, it looks like you’re not doing so well? Everyone at the theater is asking about you, but even if people care, they all have their own things going on and can’t find the time to visit friends. Gaudissart says he’ll stop by every day, but every morning the annoying management pulls him away. Still, we all care about you—”
“Mme. Cibot,” said the patient, “be so kind as to leave us; we want to talk about the theatre and my post as conductor, with this lady. Schmucke, will you go to the door with Mme. Cibot?”
“Mme. Cibot,” said the patient, “could you please leave us? We want to discuss the theater and my role as conductor with this lady. Schmucke, will you go to the door with Mme. Cibot?”
At a sign from Pons, Schmucke saw Mme. Cibot out at the door, and drew the bolts.
At a signal from Pons, Schmucke saw Mme. Cibot out the door and locked it up.
“Ah, that blackguard of a German! Is he spoiled, too?” La Cibot said to herself as she heard the significant sounds. “That is M. Pons’ doing; he taught him those disgusting tricks.... But you shall pay for this, my dears,” she thought as she went down stairs. “Pooh! if that tight-rope dancer tells him about the thousand francs, I shall say that it is a farce.”
“Ugh, that jerk of a German! Is he spoiled too?” La Cibot thought to herself as she heard the telling noises. “That's M. Pons’ fault; he taught him those disgusting tricks.... But you will pay for this, my dears,” she thought as she went downstairs. “Whatever! If that tightrope walker tells him about the thousand francs, I'll just call it a joke.”
She seated herself by Cibot’s pillow. Cibot complained of a burning sensation in the stomach. Remonencq had called in and given him a draught while his wife was upstairs.
She sat down next to Cibot's pillow. Cibot was complaining of a burning feeling in his stomach. Remonencq had stopped by and given him a drink while his wife was upstairs.
As soon as Schmucke had dismissed La Cibot, Pons turned to the ballet-girl.
As soon as Schmucke had sent La Cibot away, Pons turned to the ballet girl.
“Dear child, I can trust no one else to find me a notary, an honest man, and send him here to make my will to-morrow morning at half-past nine precisely. I want to leave all that I have to Schmucke. If he is persecuted, poor German that he is, I shall reckon upon the notary; the notary must defend him. And for that reason I must have a wealthy notary, highly thought of, a man above the temptations to which pettifogging lawyers yield. He must succor my poor friend. I cannot trust Berthier, Cardot’s successor. And you know so many people—”
“Dear child, I can’t trust anyone else to find me a notary, a decent person, and send him here to help me with my will tomorrow morning at 9:30 sharp. I want to leave everything I have to Schmucke. If he faces trouble, poor German that he is, I will rely on the notary; the notary must defend him. That’s why I need a wealthy notary, someone well-respected, a person who can resist the temptations that shady lawyers fall for. He must help my poor friend. I can’t trust Berthier, Cardot’s replacement. And you know so many people—”
“Oh! I have the very man for you,” Heloise broke in; “there is the notary that acts for Florine and the Comtesse du Bruel, Leopold Hannequin, a virtuous man that does not know what a lorette is! He is a sort of chance-come father—a good soul that will not let you play ducks and drakes with your earnings; I call him Le Pere aux Rats, because he instils economical notions into the minds of all my friends. In the first place, my dear fellow, he has a private income of sixty thousand francs; and he is a notary of the real old sort, a notary while he walks or sleeps; his children must be little notaries and notaresses. He is a heavy, pedantic creature, and that’s the truth; but on his own ground, he is not the man to flinch before any power in creation.... No woman ever got money out of him; he is a fossil pater-familias, his wife worships him, and does not deceive him, although she is a notary’s wife.—What more do you want? as a notary he has not his match in Paris. He is in the patriarchal style; not queer and amusing, as Cardot used to be with Malaga; but he will never decamp like little What’s-his-name that lived with Antonia. So I will send round my man to-morrow morning at eight o’clock.... You may sleep in peace. And I hope, in the first place, that you will get better, and make charming music for us again; and yet, after all, you see, life is very dreary—managers chisel you, and kings mizzle and ministers fizzle and rich fold economizzle.—Artists have nothing left here” (tapping her breast)—“it is a time to die in. Good-bye, old boy.”
“Oh! I've got the perfect guy for you,” Heloise jumped in; “there’s the notary who works for Florine and the Comtesse du Bruel, Leopold Hannequin, a decent man who doesn’t even know what a lorette is! He’s like a lucky dad—an honest guy who won’t let you waste your earnings; I call him Le Pere aux Rats because he teaches my friends the importance of saving. First of all, my dear friend, he has a private income of sixty thousand francs; he’s a traditional notary, working day and night; his kids are destined to be little notaries and notaresses. He’s a bit of a stuffy, old-fashioned type, that’s for sure; but in his own element, he doesn’t back down from anyone in existence.... No woman has ever managed to get money from him; he’s a true family man, his wife adores him and doesn’t cheat on him, even though she’s a notary’s wife. What more do you want? As a notary, there’s no one like him in Paris. He’s got this old-fashioned, patriarchal vibe; not strange or entertaining like Cardot used to be with Malaga; but he won’t run off like that little What’s-his-name who lived with Antonia. So I’ll have my guy come by tomorrow morning at eight o’clock.... You can sleep soundly. And I hope, first and foremost, that you’ll get better and make beautiful music for us again; and yet, you see, life is so dull—managers rip you off, kings disappear, ministers make excuses, and the rich try to save every penny.—Artists have nothing left here” (tapping her chest)—“it's a time to die in. Goodbye, my friend.”
“Heloise, of all things, I ask you to keep my counsel.”
“Heloise, above all, I ask you to keep my secret.”
“It is not a theatre affair,” she said; “it is sacred for an artist.”
“It’s not just a theater thing,” she said; “it’s sacred for an artist.”
“Who is your gentleman, child?”
“Who is your guy, kid?”
“M. Baudoyer, the mayor of your arrondissement, a man as stupid as the late Crevel; Crevel once financed Gaudissart, you know, and a few days ago he died and left me nothing, not so much as a pot of pomatum. That made me say just now that this age of ours is something sickening.”
“M. Baudoyer, the mayor of your district, is just as foolish as the late Crevel; Crevel once funded Gaudissart, you know, and a few days ago he died and left me nothing, not even a jar of hair cream. That made me say just now that this era of ours is just revolting.”
“What did he die of?”
"What did he die from?"
“Of his wife. If he had stayed with me, he would be living now. Good-bye, dear old boy, I am talking of going off, because I can see that you will be walking about the boulevards in a week or two, hunting up pretty little curiosities again. You are not ill; I never saw your eyes look so bright.” And she went, fully convinced that her protege Garangeot would conduct the orchestra for good.
“About his wife. If he had stayed with me, he would be alive now. Goodbye, dear friend, I'm planning to leave because I know you’ll be strolling through the boulevards again in a week or two, looking for pretty little curiosities. You’re not sick; I’ve never seen your eyes shine so brightly.” And she left, completely convinced that her protégé Garangeot would lead the orchestra for good.
Every door stood ajar as she went downstairs. Every lodger, on tip-toe, watched the lady of the ballet pass on her way out. It was quite an event in the house.
Every door was slightly open as she went downstairs. Every tenant, on tiptoe, watched the ballet lady walk out. It was quite the event in the building.
Fraisier, like the bulldog that sets his teeth and never lets go, was on the spot. He stood beside La Cibot when Mlle. Brisetout passed under the gateway and asked for the door to be opened. Knowing that a will had been made, he had come to see how the land lay, for Maitre Trognon, notary, had refused to say a syllable—Fraisier’s questions were as fruitless as Mme. Cibot’s. Naturally the ballet-girl’s visit in extremis was not lost upon Fraisier; he vowed to himself that he would turn it to good account.
Fraisier, like a bulldog that grips tight and never lets go, was right there. He stood next to La Cibot when Mlle. Brisetout walked under the gateway and asked for the door to be opened. Knowing that a will had been created, he had come to check the situation because Maitre Trognon, the notary, had refused to say a word—Fraisier's questions were as pointless as Mme. Cibot's. Naturally, the ballet dancer's visit at the last minute didn’t go unnoticed by Fraisier; he promised himself he would make the most of it.
“My dear Mme. Cibot,” he began, “now is the critical moment for you.”
“My dear Mme. Cibot,” he started, “this is the crucial moment for you.”
“Ah, yes... my poor Cibot!” said she. “When I think that he will not live to enjoy anything I may get—”
“Ah, yes... my poor Cibot!” she said. “When I think that he won’t be here to enjoy anything I might get—”
“It is a question of finding out whether M. Pons has left you anything at all; whether your name is mentioned or left out, in fact,” he interrupted. “I represent the next-of-kin, and to them you must look in any case. It is a holograph will, and consequently very easy to upset.—Do you know where our man has put it?”
“It’s a matter of figuring out if M. Pons left you anything at all; whether your name is included or excluded, really,” he cut in. “I represent the next of kin, and you need to consult them regardless. It’s a handwritten will, so it can be easily challenged. Do you know where he might have put it?”
“In a secret drawer in his bureau, and he has the key of it. He tied it to a corner of his handkerchief, and put it under his pillow. I saw it all.”
“In a secret drawer in his dresser, and he has the key to it. He tied it to a corner of his handkerchief and tucked it under his pillow. I saw it all.”
“Is the will sealed?”
"Is the will sealed?"
“Yes, alas!”
“Yeah, unfortunately!”
“It is a criminal offence if you carry off a will and suppress it, but it is only a misdemeanor to look at it; and anyhow, what does it amount to? A peccadillo, and nobody will see you. Is your man a heavy sleeper?”
“It’s a crime if you take a will and hide it, but just looking at it is only a minor offense; and really, what does it matter? It’s a small mistake, and no one will notice. Is your guy a deep sleeper?”
“Yes. But when you tried to see all the things and value them, he ought to have slept like a top, and yet he woke up. Still, I will see about it. I will take M. Schmucke’s place about four o’clock this morning; and if you care to come, you shall have the will in your hands for ten minutes.”
“Yes. But when you tried to see everything and value it, he should have slept like a baby, yet he woke up. Still, I’ll look into it. I’ll take M. Schmucke’s place around four o’clock this morning; and if you want to come, you can have the will in your hands for ten minutes.”
“Good. I will come up about four o’clock, and I will knock very softly—”
“Great. I'll come by around four o'clock, and I'll knock really softly—”
“Mlle Remonencq will take my place with Cibot. She will know, and open the door; but tap on the window, so as to rouse nobody in the house.”
“Mlle Remonencq will take my place with Cibot. She’ll know and open the door, but knock on the window to avoid waking anyone in the house.”
“Right,” said Fraisier. “You will have a light, will you not. A candle will do.”
“Right,” said Fraisier. “You’ll have a light, won’t you? A candle will work.”
At midnight poor Schmucke sat in his easy-chair, watching with a breaking heart that shrinking of the features that comes with death; Pons looked so worn out with the day’s exertions, that death seemed very near.
At midnight, poor Schmucke sat in his armchair, watching with a heavy heart the way Pons's features were fading as death approached; he looked so exhausted from the day’s efforts that death seemed imminent.
Presently Pons spoke. “I have just enough strength, I think, to last till to-morrow night,” he said philosophically. “To-morrow night the death agony will begin; poor Schmucke! As soon as the notary and your two friends are gone, go for our good Abbe Duplanty, the curate of Saint-Francois. Good man, he does not know that I am ill, and I wish to take the holy sacrament to-morrow at noon.”
Presently, Pons spoke. “I think I have just enough strength to last until tomorrow night,” he said thoughtfully. “Tomorrow night, the pain will start; poor Schmucke! After the notary and your two friends leave, go get our good Abbe Duplanty, the curate of Saint-Francois. He’s a kind man and doesn’t know I’m sick, and I want to receive the holy sacrament tomorrow at noon.”
There was a long pause.
There was a long wait.
“God so willed it that life has not been as I dreamed,” Pons resumed. “I should so have loved wife and children and home.... To be loved by a very few in some corner—that was my whole ambition! Life is hard for every one; I have seen people who had all that I wanted so much and could not have, and yet they were not happy.... Then at the end of my life, God put untold comfort in my way, when He gave me such a friend.... And one thing I have not to reproach myself with—that I have not known your worth nor appreciated you, my good Schmucke.... I have loved you with my whole heart, with all the strength of love that is in me.... Do not cry, Schmucke; I shall say no more if you cry and it is so sweet to me to talk of ourselves to you.... If I had listened to you, I should not be dying. I should have left the world and broken off my habits, and then I should not have been wounded to death. And now, I want to think of no one but you at the last—”
“God wanted it to be that life hasn’t gone as I dreamed,” Pons continued. “I would have loved a wife, kids, and a home.... To be loved by a very few people in some corner—that was my only goal! Life is tough for everyone; I’ve seen people who had everything I wanted so much and couldn't have, and yet they weren’t happy.... Then at the end of my life, God brought me immense comfort when He gave me such a friend.... And there’s one thing I don’t regret—that I’ve recognized your worth and appreciated you, my good Schmucke.... I’ve loved you with all my heart, with all the love I have.... Please don’t cry, Schmucke; I won’t say anything more if you cry, and it’s so nice for me to share our thoughts.... If I had listened to you, I wouldn’t be dying. I would have left the world and changed my ways, and then I wouldn’t have been wounded to death. And now, I want to think of no one but you in my final moments—”
“You are missdaken—”
"You are mistaken—"
“Do not contradict me—listen, dear friend.... You are as guileless and simple as a six-year-old child that has never left its mother; one honors you for it—it seems to me that God Himself must watch over such as you. But men are so wicked, that I ought to warn you beforehand... and then you will lose your generous trust, your saint-like belief in others, the bloom of a purity of soul that only belongs to genius or to hearts like yours.... In a little while you will see Mme. Cibot, who left the door ajar and watched us closely while M. Trognon was here—in a little while you will see her come for the will, as she believes it to be.... I expect the worthless creature will do her business this morning when she thinks you are asleep. Now, mind what I say, and carry out my instructions to the letter.... Are you listening?” asked the dying man.
“Don’t argue with me—just listen, my dear friend.... You're as innocent and naive as a six-year-old child who has never been away from their mother; it's admirable—and I believe God Himself must look out for someone like you. But people are so cruel that I need to give you a heads-up... and then you'll lose your generous trust, your almost saintly faith in others, the pure spirit that only belongs to geniuses or hearts like yours.... Soon you’ll see Mme. Cibot, who left the door slightly open and watched us closely while M. Trognon was here—she'll soon come for the will, believing it's hers.... I expect that worthless person will try to take care of her business this morning when she thinks you’re asleep. Now, pay attention to what I say, and follow my instructions exactly.... Are you listening?” asked the dying man.
But Schmucke was overcome with grief, his heart was throbbing painfully, his head fell back on the chair, he seemed to have lost consciousness.
But Schmucke was filled with sorrow, his heart was pounding painfully, his head fell back against the chair, and he appeared to have fainted.
“Yes,” he answered, “I can hear, but it is as if you vere doo huntert baces afay from me.... It seem to me dat I am going town into der grafe mit you,” said Schmucke, crushed with pain.
“Yes,” he answered, “I can hear, but it feels like you’re a hundred steps away from me.... It seems to me that I’m going down into the grave with you,” said Schmucke, crushed with pain.
He went over to the bed, took one of Pons’ hands in both his own, and within himself put up a fervent prayer.
He approached the bed, took one of Pons' hands in both of his, and silently said a heartfelt prayer.
“What is that that you are mumbling in German?”
"What are you mumbling in German?"
“I asked Gott dat He vould take us poth togedders to Himself!” Schmucke answered simply when he had finished his prayer.
“I asked God to take us both together to Himself!” Schmucke answered simply when he had finished his prayer.
Pons bent over—it was a great effort, for he was suffering intolerable pain; but he managed to reach Schmucke, and kissed him on the forehead, pouring out his soul, as it were, in benediction upon a nature that recalled the lamb that lies at the foot of the Throne of God.
Pons bent down—it was a huge struggle since he was in excruciating pain; but he was able to get to Schmucke and kissed him on the forehead, pouring out his feelings as if giving a blessing to a soul that reminded him of the lamb resting at the foot of God's Throne.
“See here, listen, my good Schmucke, you must do as dying people tell you—”
“Look, listen, my good Schmucke, you have to do what dying people ask you to—”
“I am lisdening.”
“I am listening.”
“The little door in the recess in your bedroom opens into that closet.”
“The small door in the nook of your bedroom leads to that closet.”
“Yes, but it is blocked up mit bictures.”
“Yes, but it’s blocked up with pictures.”
“Clear them away at once, without making too much noise.”
“Get rid of them right away, but try not to be too loud.”
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“Clear a passage on both sides, so that you can pass from your room into mine.—Now, leave the door ajar.—When La Cibot comes to take your place (and she is capable of coming an hour earlier than usual), you can go away to bed as if nothing had happened, and look very tired. Try to look sleepy. As soon as she settles down into the armchair, go into the closet, draw aside the muslin curtains over the glass door, and watch her.... Do you understand?”
“Clear a path on both sides so you can move from your room to mine. — Now, leave the door slightly open. — When La Cibot comes to take your spot (and she might come an hour earlier than usual), you can head off to bed as if nothing's going on, and act really tired. Try to look sleepy. As soon as she relaxes in the armchair, go into the closet, pull back the sheer curtains over the glass door, and watch her... Do you get it?”
“I oondershtand; you belief dat die pad voman is going to purn der vill.”
“I understand; you believe that the bad woman is going to burn their will.”
“I do not know what she will do; but I am sure of this—that you will not take her for an angel afterwards.—And now play for me; improvise and make me happy. It will divert your thoughts; your gloomy ideas will vanish, and for me the dark hours will be filled with your dreams....”
“I don’t know what she’ll do, but I’m sure of this—you won’t see her as an angel afterwards. Now, play for me; improvise and make me happy. It will take your mind off things; your dark thoughts will disappear, and I’ll fill the dark hours with your dreams...”
Schmucke sat down at the piano. Here he was in his element; and in a few moments, musical inspiration, quickened by the pain with which he was quivering and the consequent irritation that followed came upon the kindly German, and, after his wont, he was caught up and borne above the world. On one sublime theme after another he executed variations, putting into them sometimes Chopin’s sorrow, Chopin’s Raphael-like perfection; sometimes the stormy Dante’s grandeur of Liszt—the two musicians who most nearly approach Paganini’s temperament. When execution reaches this supreme degree, the executant stands beside the poet, as it were; he is to the composer as the actor is to the writer of plays, a divinely inspired interpreter of things divine. But that night, when Schmucke gave Pons an earnest of diviner symphonies, of that heavenly music for which Saint Cecile let fall her instruments, he was at once Beethoven and Paganini, creator and interpreter. It was an outpouring of music inexhaustible as the nightingale’s song—varied and full of delicate undergrowth as the forest flooded with her trills; sublime as the sky overhead. Schmucke played as he had never played before, and the soul of the old musician listening to him rose to ecstasy such as Raphael once painted in a picture which you may see at Bologna.
Schmucke sat down at the piano. This was his happy place; and within moments, musical inspiration, fueled by the pain he was feeling and the irritation that followed, came over the kind-hearted German, and, as usual, he was lifted above the world. He played one amazing theme after another, adding elements of Chopin’s sadness and perfection; sometimes evoking the stormy grandeur of Liszt—the two musicians who are closest to Paganini’s spirit. When the performance reaches this level of excellence, the performer is like a poet; he becomes the composer’s equal, much like an actor is to a playwright, a divinely inspired interpreter of the divine. But that night, as Schmucke promised Pons with glimpses of more divine symphonies, that heavenly music Saint Cecile cast aside her instruments for, he embodied both Beethoven and Paganini, creator and interpreter. It was a musical outpouring as endless as a nightingale’s song—diverse and rich with nuance like a forest filled with her melodies; sublime as the sky above. Schmucke played like he had never played before, and the spirit of the old musician listening to him soared to ecstasy similar to what Raphael once captured in a painting you can see in Bologna.
A terrific ringing of the door-bell put an end to these visions. The first-floor lodgers sent up a servant with a message. Would Schmucke please stop the racket overhead. Madame, Monsieur, and Mademoiselle Chapoulot had been wakened, and could not sleep for the noise; they called his attention to the fact that the day was quite long enough for rehearsals of theatrical music, and added that people ought not to “strum” all night in a house in the Marais.—It was then three o’clock in the morning. At half-past three, La Cibot appeared, just as Pons had predicted. He might have actually heard the conference between Fraisier and the portress: “Did I not guess exactly how it would be?” his eyes seemed to say as he glanced at Schmucke, and, turning a little, he seemed to be fast asleep.
A loud ring from the doorbell shattered these daydreams. The tenants on the first floor sent up a servant with a message. Could Schmucke please keep it down? Madame, Monsieur, and Mademoiselle Chapoulot had been woken up and couldn’t get back to sleep because of the noise; they pointed out that the day was already long enough for rehearsing theatrical music and added that people shouldn’t “strum” all night in a house in the Marais. It was already three o’clock in the morning. At half-past three, La Cibot showed up, just as Pons had predicted. He might have actually heard the conversation between Fraisier and the landlady: “Didn’t I guess it right?” his eyes seemed to say as he looked at Schmucke, and, turning slightly, he appeared to be fast asleep.
Schmucke’s guileless simplicity was an article of belief with La Cibot (and be it noted that this faith in simplicity is the great source and secret of the success of all infantine strategy); La Cibot, therefore, could not suspect Schmucke of deceit when he came to say to her, with a face half of distress, half of glad relief:
Schmucke’s genuine simplicity was something La Cibot truly believed in (and it’s worth mentioning that this faith in simplicity is the key reason for the success of all naive strategies); so, La Cibot couldn't possibly suspect Schmucke of any deception when he approached her, wearing a face that was part distressed, part relieved:
“I haf had a derrible night! a derrible dime of it! I vas opliged to play to keep him kviet, and the virst-floor lodgers vas komm up to tell me to be kviet!... It was frightful, for der life of mein friend vas at shtake. I am so tired mit der blaying all night, dat dis morning I am all knocked up.”
“I had a terrible night! A truly awful time of it! I had to play to keep him quiet, and the first-floor tenants came up to tell me to be quiet!... It was frightful, because my friend's life was at stake. I'm so exhausted from playing all night that this morning I feel completely worn out.”
“My poor Cibot is very bad, too; one more day like yesterday, and he will have no strength left.... One can’t help it; it is God’s will.”
“My poor Cibot is really bad, too; if he has one more day like yesterday, he won't have any strength left.... There's nothing we can do about it; it's God's will.”
“You haf a heart so honest, a soul so peautiful, dot gif der Zipod die, ve shall lif togedder,” said the cunning Schmucke.
“You have a heart so honest, a soul so beautiful, that if the Lord allows it, we shall live together,” said the cunning Schmucke.
The craft of simple, straightforward folk is formidable indeed; they are exactly like children, setting their unsuspected snares with the perfect craft of the savage.
The skill of regular, down-to-earth people is truly impressive; they're just like kids, quietly setting their clever traps with the skill of a wild instinct.
“Oh, well go and sleep, sonny!” returned La Cibot. “Your eyes look tired, they are as big as my fist. But there! if anything could comfort me for losing Cibot, it would be the thought of ending my days with a good man like you. Be easy. I will give Mme. Chapoulot a dressing down.... To think of a retired haberdasher’s wife giving herself such airs!”
“Oh, just go get some sleep, kid!” replied La Cibot. “Your eyes look worn out, they’re as big as my fist. But really, if anything could make me feel better about losing Cibot, it would be the idea of spending my final days with a good man like you. Don’t worry. I’ll give Mme. Chapoulot a piece of my mind... Can you believe a retired haberdasher’s wife acting so high and mighty?”
Schmucke went to his room and took up his post in the closet.
Schmucke went to his room and took his position in the closet.
La Cibot had left the door ajar on the landing; Fraisier came in and closed it noiselessly as soon as he heard Schmucke shut his bedroom door. He had brought with him a lighted taper and a bit of very fine wire to open the seal of the will. La Cibot, meanwhile, looking under the pillow, found the handkerchief with the key of the bureau knotted to one corner; and this so much the more easily because Pons purposely left the end hanging over the bolster, and lay with his face to the wall.
La Cibot had left the door slightly open on the landing; Fraisier walked in and quietly closed it as soon as he heard Schmucke shut his bedroom door. He brought a lit candle and a piece of very fine wire to break the seal on the will. Meanwhile, La Cibot, checking under the pillow, found the handkerchief with the key to the bureau tied to one corner; and this was easy to find because Pons had intentionally left the end hanging over the pillow and was lying with his face to the wall.
La Cibot went straight to the bureau, opened it cautiously so as to make as little noise as possible, found the spring of the secret drawer, and hurried into the salon with the will in her hand. Her flight roused Pons’ curiosity to the highest pitch; and as for Schmucke, he trembled as if he were the guilty person.
La Cibot went straight to the desk, opened it carefully to make as little noise as possible, found the spring for the secret drawer, and rushed into the living room with the will in her hand. Her quick actions piqued Pons' curiosity to the max, and as for Schmucke, he shook with fear as if he were the one at fault.
“Go back,” said Fraisier, when she handed over the will. “He may wake, and he must find you there.”
“Go back,” said Fraisier, as she handed over the will. “He might wake up, and he needs to find you there.”
Fraisier opened the seal with a dexterity which proved that his was no ‘prentice hand, and read the following curious document, headed “My Will,” with ever-deepening astonishment:
Fraisier opened the seal with a skill that showed he was no novice, and read the following intriguing document, titled “My Will,” with growing amazement:
“On this fifteenth day of April, eighteen hundred and forty-five, I, being in my sound mind (as this my Will, drawn up in concert with M. Trognon, will testify), and feeling that I must shortly die of the malady from which I have suffered since the beginning of February last, am anxious to dispose of my property, and have herein recorded my last wishes:— “I have always been impressed by the untoward circumstances that injure great pictures, and not unfrequently bring about total destruction. I have felt sorry for the beautiful paintings condemned to travel from land to land, never finding some fixed abode whither admirers of great masterpieces may travel to see them. And I have always thought that the truly deathless work of a great master ought to be national property; put where every one of every nation may see it, even as the light, God’s masterpiece, shines for all His children. “And as I have spent my life in collecting together and choosing a few pictures, some of the greatest masters’ most glorious work, and as these pictures are as the master left them—genuine examples, neither repainted nor retouched,—it has been a painful thought to me that the paintings which have been the joy of my life, may be sold by public auction, and go, some to England, some to Russia, till they are all scattered abroad again as if they had never been gathered together. From this wretched fate I have determined to save both them and the frames in which they are set, all of them the work of skilled craftsmen. “On these grounds, therefore, I give and bequeath the pictures which compose my collection to the King, for the gallery in the Louvre, subject to the charge (if the legacy is accepted) of a life-annuity of two thousand four hundred francs to my friend Wilhelm Schmucke. “If the King, as usufructuary of the Louvre collection, should refuse the legacy with the charge upon it, the said pictures shall form a part of the estate which I leave to my friend, Schmucke, on condition that he shall deliver the Monkey’s Head, by Goya, to my cousin, President Camusot; a Flower-piece, the tulips, by Abraham Mignon, to M. Trognon, notary (whom I appoint as my executor): and allow Mme. Cibot, who has acted as my housekeeper for ten years, the sum of two hundred francs per annum. “Finally, my friend Schmucke is to give the Descent from the Cross, Ruben’s sketch for his great picture at Antwerp, to adorn a chapel in the parish church, in grateful acknowledgment of M. Duplanty’s kindness to me; for to him I owe it that I can die as a Christian and a Catholic.”—So ran the will.
“On this fifteenth day of April, eighteen hundred and forty-five, I, being in my right mind (as this my Will, prepared with M. Trognon, will show), and feeling that I must soon die from the illness I've endured since the beginning of February, am eager to arrange my affairs and have written down my final wishes:— “I've always been struck by the unfortunate situations that harm great artworks and often lead to their complete destruction. I've felt sadness for the beautiful paintings forced to travel from place to place, never finding a permanent home where fans of great masterpieces can visit them. I've always believed that the truly timeless work of a great master should belong to the nation; displayed where everyone from every country can see it, just as the light, God's masterpiece, shines for all His children. “And as I have dedicated my life to collecting and selecting a few pictures, some of the greatest masters’ most glorious works, and since these pictures are as the master left them—authentic examples, neither repainted nor touched up—it has been a painful thought that the paintings which have brought me joy may be sold at public auction, going to England, Russia, and beyond, scattering them as if they had never been brought together. To save them and their frames, which are all crafted by skilled artisans, from this miserable fate, I have made this decision. “For these reasons, I give and bequeath the pictures that make up my collection to the King, for the gallery in the Louvre, with the stipulation (if the legacy is accepted) of a life annuity of two thousand four hundred francs for my friend Wilhelm Schmucke. “If the King, as the usufructuary of the Louvre collection, declines the legacy with the stipulation, the pictures will then be part of the estate I leave to my friend Schmucke, on the condition that he delivers the Monkey’s Head by Goya to my cousin, President Camusot; a Flower-piece, the tulips, by Abraham Mignon, to M. Trognon, notary (whom I appoint as my executor); and provide Mme. Cibot, who has been my housekeeper for ten years, with two hundred francs per year. “Finally, my friend Schmucke is to give the Descent from the Cross, Ruben’s sketch for his great painting in Antwerp, to adorn a chapel in the parish church, in grateful acknowledgment of M. Duplanty’s kindness to me; for to him I owe my ability to die as a Christian and a Catholic.”—So ran the will.
“This is ruin!” mused Fraisier, “the ruin of all my hopes. Ha! I begin to believe all that the Presidente told me about this old artist and his cunning.”
“This is a disaster!” Fraisier thought, “the collapse of all my hopes. Ha! I’m starting to believe everything the Presidente said about this old artist and his clever tricks.”
“Well?” La Cibot came back to say.
“Yeah?” La Cibot returned to say.
“Your gentleman is a monster. He is leaving everything to the Crown. Now, you cannot plead against the Crown.... The will cannot be disputed.... We are robbed, ruined, spoiled, and murdered!”
“Your gentleman is a monster. He's leaving everything to the Crown. Now, you can't argue against the Crown... The will can't be challenged... We're robbed, ruined, spoiled, and murdered!”
“What has he left to me?”
“What has he left for me?”
“Two hundred francs a year.”
“Two hundred francs per year.”
“A pretty come-down!... Why, he is a finished scoundrel.”
“A real disappointment!... I mean, he’s a complete jerk.”
“Go and see,” said Fraisier, “and I will put your scoundrel’s will back again in the envelope.”
“Go and take a look,” said Fraisier, “and I’ll put your scoundrel’s will back in the envelope.”
While Mme. Cibot’s back was turned, Fraisier nimbly slipped a sheet of blank paper into the envelope; the will he put in his pocket. He next proceeded to seal the envelope again so cleverly that he showed the seal to Mme. Cibot when she returned, and asked her if she could see the slightest trace of the operation. La Cibot took up the envelope, felt it over, assured herself that it was not empty, and heaved a deep sigh. She had entertained hopes that Fraisier himself would have burned the unlucky document while she was out of the room.
While Mme. Cibot wasn't looking, Fraisier quickly slipped a sheet of blank paper into the envelope; he pocketed the will. He then carefully resealed the envelope in a way that allowed him to show the seal to Mme. Cibot when she got back, asking her if she could see any sign of his actions. La Cibot picked up the envelope, examined it, confirmed it wasn’t empty, and let out a deep sigh. She had hoped that Fraisier would have burned the unfortunate document while she was out of the room.
“Well, my dear M. Fraisier, what is to be done?”
“Well, my dear M. Fraisier, what should we do?”
“Oh! that is your affair! I am not one of the next-of-kin, myself; but if I had the slightest claim to any of that” (indicating the collection), “I know very well what I should do.”
“Oh! that's your business! I'm not one of the next of kin, but if I had even a tiny claim to any of that” (pointing to the collection), “I know exactly what I would do.”
“That is just what I want to know,” La Cibot answered, with sufficient simplicity.
“That’s exactly what I want to know,” La Cibot replied, with enough straightforwardness.
“There is a fire in the grate——” he said. Then he rose to go.
“There’s a fire in the fireplace,” he said. Then he got up to leave.
“After all, no one will know about it, but you and me——” began La Cibot.
“After all, no one will know about it except for you and me——” began La Cibot.
“It can never be proved that a will existed,” asserted the man of law.
“It can never be proven that a will existed,” said the lawyer.
“And you?”
"And you?"
“I?... If M. Pons dies intestate, you shall have a hundred thousand francs.”
“I?... If M. Pons dies without a will, you'll get a hundred thousand francs.”
“Oh yes, no doubt,” returned she. “People promise you heaps of money, and when they come by their own, and there is talk of paying they swindle you like—” “Like Elie Magus,” she was going to say, but she stopped herself just in time.
“Oh yes, for sure,” she replied. “People promise you a lot of money, and when it’s time to pay up, they cheat you like—” “Like Elie Magus,” she almost said, but she caught herself just in time.
“I am going,” said Fraisier; “it is not to your interest that I should be found here; but I shall see you again downstairs.”
“I’m leaving,” Fraisier said. “It’s not in your best interest for me to be here, but I’ll catch you again downstairs.”
La Cibot shut the door and returned with the sealed packet in her hand. She had quite made up her mind to burn it; but as she went towards the bedroom fireplace, she felt the grasp of a hand on each arm, and saw—Schmucke on one hand, and Pons himself on the other, leaning against the partition wall on either side of the door.
La Cibot closed the door and came back with the sealed packet in her hand. She had fully decided to burn it; but as she walked toward the bedroom fireplace, she felt a hand gripping each arm and saw—Schmucke on one side and Pons himself on the other, leaning against the wall on either side of the door.
La Cibot cried out, and fell face downwards in a fit; real or feigned, no one ever knew the truth. This sight produced such an impression on Pons that a deadly faintness came upon him, and Schmucke left the woman on the floor to help Pons back to bed. The friends trembled in every limb; they had set themselves a hard task, it was done, but it had been too much for their strength. When Pons lay in bed again, and Schmucke had regained strength to some extent, he heard a sound of sobbing. La Cibot, on her knees, bursting into tears, held out supplicating hands to them in very expressive pantomime.
La Cibot screamed and collapsed face first in a fit; whether it was real or fake, no one ever knew the truth. This scene had such an effect on Pons that he felt a wave of faintness wash over him, and Schmucke left the woman on the floor to help Pons back to bed. The friends shook with fear; they had taken on a difficult task, it was done, but it had been too much for their strength. Once Pons was back in bed, and Schmucke had regained some of his strength, he heard the sound of sobbing. La Cibot, on her knees, broke down in tears, reaching out with pleading hands in a very expressive gesture.
“It was pure curiosity!” she sobbed, when she saw that Pons and Schmucke were paying attention to her proceedings. “Pure curiosity; a woman’s fault, you know. But I did not know how else to get a sight of your will, and I brought it back again—”
“It was just curiosity!” she cried, when she noticed that Pons and Schmucke were watching her closely. “Just curiosity; a woman's weakness, you know. But I didn’t know any other way to see your will, and I brought it back again—”
“Go!” said Schmucke, standing erect, his tall figure gaining in height by the full height of his indignation. “You are a monster! You dried to kill mein goot Bons! He is right. You are worse than a monster, you are a lost soul!”
“Go!” said Schmucke, standing straight, his tall figure seeming to grow even taller from his anger. “You’re a monster! You tried to kill my good Bons! He’s right. You’re worse than a monster; you’re a lost soul!”
La Cibot saw the look of abhorrence in the frank German’s face; she rose, proud as Tartuffe, gave Schmucke a glance which made him quake, and went out, carrying off under her dress an exquisite little picture of Metzu’s pointed out by Elie Magus. “A diamond,” he had called it. Fraisier downstairs in the porter’s lodge was waiting to hear that La Cibot had burned the envelope and the sheet of blank paper inside it. Great was his astonishment when he beheld his fair client’s agitation and dismay.
La Cibot saw the look of disgust on the honest German's face; she stood up, as proud as Tartuffe, gave Schmucke a glance that made him tremble, and walked out, secretly taking with her an exquisite little painting by Metzu that Elie Magus had pointed out. "A real gem," he had called it. Fraisier, downstairs in the porter’s lodge, was waiting to hear that La Cibot had burned the envelope and the blank sheet of paper inside. He was greatly astonished when he saw his attractive client’s agitation and distress.
“What has happened?”
“What’s happened?”
“This has happened, my dear M. Fraisier. Under pretence of giving me good advice and telling me what to do, you have lost me my annuity and the gentlemen’s confidence....”
“This has happened, my dear M. Fraisier. Under the guise of giving me good advice and telling me what to do, you’ve cost me my annuity and the gentlemen’s trust....”
One of the word-tornadoes in which she excelled was in full progress, but Fraisier cut her short.
One of the word-tornadoes she was great at was in full swing, but Fraisier interrupted her.
“This is idle talk. The facts, the facts! and be quick about it.”
“This is useless chatter. Let's get to the facts, the facts! and do it quickly.”
“Well; it came about in this way,”—and she told him of the scene which she had just come through.
“Well, this is how it happened,”—and she explained the scene that she had just experienced.
“You have lost nothing through me,” was Fraisier’s comment. “The gentlemen had their doubts, or they would not have set this trap for you. They were lying in wait and spying upon you.... You have not told me everything,” he added, with a tiger’s glance at the woman before him.
“You haven't lost anything because of me,” Fraisier remarked. “The guys had their suspicions, or they wouldn't have set this trap for you. They were watching and spying on you... You haven't told me everything,” he added, giving the woman in front of him a sharp look.
“I hide anything from you!” cried she—“after all that we have done together!” she added with a shudder.
I hide anything from you!” she yelled—“after everything we've been through together!” she added with a shiver.
“My dear madame, I have done nothing blameworthy,” returned Fraisier. Evidently he meant to deny his nocturnal visit to Pons’ rooms.
“My dear madam, I haven't done anything wrong,” replied Fraisier. Clearly, he intended to deny his late-night visit to Pons’ rooms.
Every hair on La Cibot’s head seemed to scorch her, while a sense of icy cold swept over her from head to foot.
Every hair on La Cibot’s head felt like it was burning her, while a chill washed over her from head to toe.
“What?”... she faltered in bewilderment.
“What?” she faltered in confusion.
“Here is a criminal charge on the face of it.... You may be accused of suppressing the will,” Fraisier made answer drily.
“Here is a criminal charge at first glance.... You might be accused of hiding the will,” Fraisier replied dryly.
La Cibot started.
La Cibot began.
“Don’t be alarmed; I am your legal adviser. I only wished to show you how easy it is, in one way or another, to do as I once explained to you. Let us see, now; what have you done that this simple German should be hiding in the room?”
“Don’t worry; I'm your legal advisor. I just wanted to show you how easy it is, in one way or another, to do what I explained to you before. Let's see; what have you done that this simple German is hiding in the room?”
“Nothing at all, unless it was that scene the other day when I stood M. Pons out that his eyes dazzled. And ever since, the two gentlemen have been as different as can be. So you have brought all my troubles upon me; I might have lost my influence with M. Pons, but I was sure of the German; just now he was talking of marrying me or of taking me with him—it is all one.”
“Nothing at all, unless it was that moment the other day when I told M. Pons that his eyes were dazzling. And ever since, the two gentlemen have been completely different. So you’ve brought all my troubles upon me; I might have lost my influence with M. Pons, but I was sure of the German. Just now he was talking about marrying me or taking me with him—it’s all the same.”
The excuse was so plausible that Fraisier was fain to be satisfied with it. “You need fear nothing,” he resumed. “I gave you my word that you shall have your money, and I shall keep my word. The whole matter, so far, was up in the air, but now it is as good as bank-notes.... You shall have at least twelve hundred francs per annum.... But, my good lady, you must act intelligently under my orders.”
The excuse was so believable that Fraisier was eager to accept it. “You have nothing to worry about,” he continued. “I promised you’d get your money, and I will keep that promise. Everything up to this point was uncertain, but now it’s as good as cash... You’ll receive at least twelve hundred francs a year... But, my dear lady, you need to follow my instructions carefully.”
“Yes, my dear M. Fraisier,” said La Cibot with cringing servility. She was completely subdued.
“Yes, my dear M. Fraisier,” said La Cibot with excessive servility. She was fully submissive.
“Very good. Good-bye,” and Fraisier went, taking the dangerous document with him. He reached home in great spirits. The will was a terrible weapon.
“Very good. Goodbye,” and Fraisier left, taking the risky document with him. He got home in high spirits. The will was a powerful weapon.
“Now,” thought he, “I have a hold on Mme. la Presidente de Marville; she must keep her word with me. If she did not, she would lose the property.”
“Now,” he thought, “I’ve got leverage over Madame la Présidente de Marville; she has to keep her promise to me. If she doesn’t, she’ll lose the property.”
At daybreak, when Remonencq had taken down his shutters and left his sister in charge of the shop, he came, after his wont of late, to inquire for his good friend Cibot. The portress was contemplating the Metzu, privately wondering how a little bit of painted wood could be worth such a lot of money.
At daybreak, when Remonencq had pulled down his shutters and left his sister in charge of the shop, he came, as he had been doing lately, to check on his good friend Cibot. The portress was looking at the Metzu, quietly wondering how a piece of painted wood could be worth so much money.
“Aha!” said he, looking over her shoulder, “that is the one picture which M. Elie Magus regretted; with that little bit of a thing, he says, his happiness would be complete.”
“Aha!” he said, peering over her shoulder, “that’s the one painting that M. Elie Magus regrets; with that little piece, he claims his happiness would be complete.”
“What would he give for it?” asked La Cibot.
“What would he offer for it?” asked La Cibot.
“Why, if you will promise to marry me within a year of widowhood, I will undertake to get twenty thousand francs for it from Elie Magus; and unless you marry me you will never get a thousand francs for the picture.”
“Look, if you promise to marry me within a year after your husband’s death, I’ll make sure to get twenty thousand francs for it from Elie Magus. And if you don’t marry me, you’ll never see a thousand francs for the painting.”
“Why not?”
"Why not?"
“Because you would be obliged to give a receipt for the money, and then you might have a lawsuit with the heirs-at-law. If you were my wife, I myself should sell the thing to M. Magus, and in the way of business it is enough to make an entry in the day-book, and I should note that M. Schmucke sold it to me. There, leave the panel with me. ... If your husband were to die you might have a lot of bother over it, but no one would think it odd that I should have a picture in the shop.... You know me quite well. Besides, I will give you a receipt if you like.”
“Because you'd need to give a receipt for the money, you could end up in a lawsuit with the heirs. If you were my wife, I'd sell the item to M. Magus myself, and for business purposes, I'd just make a note in the ledger stating that M. Schmucke sold it to me. So, leave the panel with me. ... If your husband were to pass away, it could cause you a lot of trouble, but no one would find it strange if I had a painting in the shop.... You know me well enough. Plus, I’ll give you a receipt if you want.”
The covetous portress felt that she had been caught; she agreed to a proposal which was to bind her for the rest of her life to the marine-store dealer.
The greedy doorkeeper felt like she had been caught; she agreed to a proposal that would tie her to the junk dealer for the rest of her life.
“You are right,” said she, as she locked the picture away in a chest; “bring me the bit of writing.”
“You're right,” she said as she locked the picture away in a chest; “bring me the writing piece.”
Remonencq beckoned her to the door.
Remonencq motioned for her to come to the door.
“I can see, neighbor, that we shall not save our poor dear Cibot,” he said lowering his voice. “Dr. Poulain gave him up yesterday evening, and said that he could not last out the day.... It is a great misfortune. But after all, this was not the place for you.... You ought to be in a fine curiosity shop on the Boulevard des Capucines. Do you know that I have made nearly a hundred thousand francs in ten years? And if you will have as much some day, I will undertake to make a handsome fortune for you—as my wife. You would be the mistress—my sister should wait on you and do the work of the house, and—”
“I can see, neighbor, that we’re not going to save our poor dear Cibot,” he said, lowering his voice. “Dr. Poulain gave up on him yesterday evening and said he wouldn’t make it through the day… It’s such a tragedy. But really, this isn’t the right place for you… You should be in a nice curiosity shop on Boulevard des Capucines. Did you know I’ve made nearly a hundred thousand francs in ten years? And if you’re willing to work hard, I promise to create a nice fortune for you—as my wife. You would be the lady of the house—my sister would help you and handle the household chores, and—”
A heartrending moan from the little tailor cut the tempter short; the death agony had begun.
A heartbreaking moan from the little tailor interrupted the tempter; the death struggle had started.
“Go away,” said La Cibot. “You are a monster to talk of such things and my poor man dying like this—”
“Go away,” La Cibot said. “You’re a monster to talk about such things while my poor man is dying like this—”
“Ah! it is because I love you,” said Remonencq; “I could let everything else go to have you—”
“Ah! it’s because I love you,” said Remonencq; “I would give up everything else to be with you—”
“If you loved me, you would say nothing to me just now,” returned she. And Remonencq departed to his shop, sure of marrying La Cibot.
“If you loved me, you wouldn’t say anything to me right now,” she replied. And Remonencq left for his shop, confident that he would marry La Cibot.
Towards ten o’clock there was a sort of commotion in the street; M. Cibot was taking the Sacrament. All the friends of the pair, all the porters and porters’ wives in the Rue de Normandie and neighboring streets, had crowded into the lodge, under the archway, and stood on the pavement outside. Nobody so much as noticed the arrival of M. Leopold Hannequin and a brother lawyer. Schwab and Brunner reached Pons’ rooms unseen by Mme. Cibot. The notary, inquiring for Pons, was shown upstairs by the portress of a neighboring house. Brunner remembered his previous visit to the museum, and went straight in with his friend Schwab.
Towards ten o’clock, there was a bit of commotion in the street; M. Cibot was taking the Sacrament. All the friends of the couple, along with all the porters and their wives from Rue de Normandie and nearby streets, had crowded into the lodge under the archway and were standing on the pavement outside. No one even noticed M. Leopold Hannequin and another lawyer arriving. Schwab and Brunner got to Pons’ rooms without being seen by Mme. Cibot. The notary, asking for Pons, was directed upstairs by the portress of a nearby house. Brunner recalled his previous visit to the museum and went straight in with his friend Schwab.
Pons formally revoked his previous will and constituted Schmucke his universal legatee. This accomplished, he thanked Schwab and Brunner, and earnestly begged M. Leopold Hannequin to protect Schmucke’s interests. The demands made upon him by last night’s scene with La Cibot, and this final settlement of his worldly affairs, left him so faint and exhausted that Schmucke begged Schwab to go for the Abbe Duplanty; it was Pons’ great desire to take the Sacrament, and Schmucke could not bring himself to leave his friend.
Pons officially canceled his previous will and named Schmucke his sole heir. After that, he thanked Schwab and Brunner and earnestly asked M. Leopold Hannequin to look after Schmucke’s interests. The stress from last night’s encounter with La Cibot and this final arrangement of his affairs left him feeling so weak and drained that Schmucke asked Schwab to go get Abbe Duplanty; it was Pons’ heartfelt wish to receive the Sacrament, and Schmucke couldn’t bring himself to leave his friend.
La Cibot, sitting at the foot of her husband’s bed, gave not so much as a thought to Schmucke’s breakfast—for that matter had been forbidden to return; but the morning’s events, the sight of Pons’ heroic resignation in the death agony, so oppressed Schmucke’s heart that he was not conscious of hunger. Towards two o’clock, however, as nothing had been seen of the old German, La Cibot sent Remonencq’s sister to see whether Schmucke wanted anything; prompted not so much by interest as by curiosity. The Abbe Duplanty had just heard the old musician’s dying confession, and the administration of the sacrament of extreme unction was disturbed by repeated ringing of the door-bell. Pons, in his terror of robbery, had made Schmucke promise solemnly to admit no one into the house; so Schmucke did not stir. Again and again Mlle. Remonencq pulled the cord, and finally went downstairs in alarm to tell La Cibot that Schmucke would not open the door; Fraisier made a note of this. Schmucke had never seen any one die in his life; before long he would be perplexed by the many difficulties which beset those who are left with a dead body in Paris, this more especially if they are lonely and helpless and have no one to act for them. Fraisier knew, moreover, that in real affliction people lose their heads, and therefore immediately after breakfast he took up his position in the porter’s lodge, and sitting there in perpetual committee with Dr. Poulain, conceived the idea of directing all Schmucke’s actions himself.
La Cibot, sitting at the foot of her husband's bed, didn’t even think about Schmucke’s breakfast—he had been told not to come back—but the events of the morning, seeing Pons’ brave resignation in his dying moments, weighed so heavily on Schmucke’s heart that he was completely unaware of his hunger. Around two o’clock, though, since there was still no sign of the old German, La Cibot sent Remonencq’s sister to check if Schmucke needed anything; she was motivated more by curiosity than concern. The Abbe Duplanty had just heard the old musician’s last confession, and the giving of the sacrament of extreme unction was interrupted by the persistent ringing of the doorbell. Pons, fearful of robbery, had made Schmucke promise not to let anyone into the house, so Schmucke didn’t move. Mlle. Remonencq pulled the cord over and over, finally going downstairs in a panic to tell La Cibot that Schmucke wouldn’t open the door; Fraisier took note of this. Schmucke had never witnessed anyone die before; soon he would be overwhelmed by the many challenges facing someone left with a dead body in Paris, especially if they were alone, helpless, and had no one to help them. Fraisier also knew that in genuine distress, people tend to lose their composure, so right after breakfast, he positioned himself in the porter’s lodge and, sitting there in constant consultation with Dr. Poulain, began to plan out all of Schmucke’s actions for him.
To obtain the important result, the doctor and the lawyer took their measures on this wise:—
To achieve the important result, the doctor and the lawyer proceeded as follows:—
The beadle of Saint-Francois, Cantinet by name, at one time a retail dealer in glassware, lived in the Rue d’Orleans, next door to Dr. Poulain and under the same roof. Mme. Cantinet, who saw to the letting of the chairs at Saint-Francois, once had fallen ill and Dr. Poulain had attended her gratuitously; she was, as might be expected, grateful, and often confided her troubles to him. The “nutcrackers,” punctual in their attendance at Saint-Francois on Sundays and saints’-days, were on friendly terms with the beadle and the lowest ecclesiastical rank and file, commonly called in Paris le bas clerge, to whom the devout usually give little presents from time to time. Mme. Cantinet therefore knew Schmucke almost as well as Schmucke knew her. And Mme. Cantinet was afflicted with two sore troubles which enabled the lawyer to use her as a blind and involuntary agent. Cantinet junior, a stage-struck youth, had deserted the paths of the Church and turned his back on the prospect of one day becoming a beadle, to make his debut among the supernumeraries of the Cirque-Olympique; he was leading a wild life, breaking his mother’s heart and draining her purse by frequent forced loans. Cantinet senior, much addicted to spirituous liquors and idleness, had, in fact, been driven to retire from business by those two failings. So far from reforming, the incorrigible offender had found scope in his new occupation for the indulgence of both cravings; he did nothing, and he drank with drivers of wedding-coaches, with the undertaker’s men at funerals, with poor folk relieved by the vicar, till his morning’s occupation was set forth in rubric on his countenance by noon.
The beadle of Saint-Francois, named Cantinet, who used to sell glassware, lived on Rue d’Orleans, next door to Dr. Poulain and under the same roof. Mme. Cantinet, who handled the seating at Saint-Francois, once got sick, and Dr. Poulain helped her for free; naturally, she was grateful and often shared her worries with him. The "nutcrackers," who regularly showed up at Saint-Francois on Sundays and holy days, were friendly with the beadle and the lower church officials, commonly known in Paris as le bas clerge, to whom the faithful often gave small gifts. So, Mme. Cantinet knew Schmucke almost as well as Schmucke knew her. Mme. Cantinet was troubled by two major issues that allowed the lawyer to use her as a blind and unwitting accomplice. Cantinet junior, a young man obsessed with the theater, had abandoned the Church and his dreams of becoming a beadle to make his debut as an extra at the Cirque-Olympique; he was living recklessly, breaking his mother’s heart, and emptying her wallet with frequent emergency loans. Cantinet senior, who had a penchant for drinking and laziness, had essentially been forced to quit his business due to these vices. Rather than changing his ways, this unrepentant man found plenty of opportunity in his new lifestyle to indulge both habits; he did nothing and drank with wedding-coach drivers, the undertaker’s staff at funerals, and the poor people helped by the vicar, so that by noon, his morning activities were etched on his face.
Mme. Cantinet saw no prospect but want in her old age, and yet she had brought her husband twelve thousand francs, she said. The tale of her woes related for the hundredth time suggested an idea to Dr. Poulain. Once introduce her into the old bachelor’s quarters, and it would be easy by her means to establish Mme. Sauvage there as working housekeeper. It was quite impossible to present Mme. Sauvage herself, for the “nutcrackers” had grown suspicious of every one. Schmucke’s refusal to admit Mlle. Remonencq had sufficiently opened Fraisier’s eyes. Still, it seemed evident that Pons and Schmucke, being pious souls, would take any one recommended by the Abbe, with blind confidence. Mme. Cantinet should bring Mme. Sauvage with her, and to put in Fraisier’s servant was almost tantamount to installing Fraisier himself.
Mme. Cantinet saw no future but hardship in her old age, even though she claimed to have brought her husband twelve thousand francs. The story of her struggles, told for the hundredth time, inspired an idea for Dr. Poulain. If he could just get her into the old bachelor’s place, it would be easy to set up Mme. Sauvage as the working housekeeper there. It was completely out of the question to introduce Mme. Sauvage herself, since the “nutcrackers” had become suspicious of everyone. Schmucke’s refusal to let Mlle. Remonencq in had already opened Fraisier’s eyes. Still, it seemed clear that Pons and Schmucke, being good-hearted, would accept anyone the Abbe recommended without question. Mme. Cantinet could bring Mme. Sauvage along with her, and sneaking in Fraisier’s servant would be almost like bringing in Fraisier himself.
The Abbe Duplanty, coming downstairs, found the gateway blocked by the Cibots’ friends, all of them bent upon showing their interest in one of the oldest and most respectable porters in the Marais.
The Abbe Duplanty, coming downstairs, found the gateway blocked by the Cibots’ friends, all of them eager to express their interest in one of the oldest and most respected porters in the Marais.
Dr. Poulain raised his hat, and took the Abbe aside.
Dr. Poulain tipped his hat and took the Abbe aside.
“I am just about to go to poor M. Pons,” he said. “There is still a chance of recovery; but it is a question of inducing him to undergo an operation. The calculi are perceptible to the touch, they are setting up an inflammatory condition which will end fatally, but perhaps it is not too late to remove them. You should really use your influence to persuade the patient to submit to surgical treatment; I will answer for his life, provided that no untoward circumstance occurs during the operation.”
“I’m just about to visit poor M. Pons,” he said. “There’s still a chance for him to recover; but we need to convince him to agree to an operation. The stones can be felt, and they’re causing an inflammatory issue that could be fatal, but maybe it’s not too late to take them out. You really should use your influence to encourage him to go through with the surgery; I’ll guarantee his life, as long as nothing unexpected happens during the operation.”
“I will return as soon as I have taken the sacred ciborium back to the church,” said the Abbe Duplanty, “for M. Schmucke’s condition claims the support of religion.”
“I'll be back as soon as I return the sacred ciborium to the church,” said Abbe Duplanty, “because M. Schmucke’s situation needs the support of religion.”
“I have just heard that he is alone,” said Dr. Poulain. “The German, good soul, had a little altercation this morning with Mme. Cibot, who has acted as housekeeper to them both for the past ten years. They have quarreled (for the moment only, no doubt), but under the circumstances they must have some one in to help upstairs. It would be a charity to look after him.—I say, Cantinet,” continued the doctor, beckoning to the beadle, “just go and ask your wife if she will nurse M. Pons, and look after M. Schmucke, and take Mme. Cibot’s place for a day or two.... Even without the quarrel, Mme. Cibot would still require a substitute. Mme. Cantinet is honest,” added the doctor, turning to M. Duplanty.
“I just heard that he’s alone,” said Dr. Poulain. “The German, good soul, had a little argument this morning with Mme. Cibot, who has been their housekeeper for the past ten years. They’ve had a fight (just temporarily, no doubt), but given the situation, they need someone to help out upstairs. It would be kind to look after him.—Hey, Cantinet,” the doctor called out to the beadle, “could you go ask your wife if she’ll care for M. Pons, look after M. Schmucke, and fill in for Mme. Cibot for a day or two?... Even without the argument, Mme. Cibot would still need a substitute. Mme. Cantinet is trustworthy,” the doctor added, turning to M. Duplanty.
“You could not make a better choice,” said the good priest; “she is intrusted with the letting of chairs in the church.”
“You couldn't make a better choice,” said the kind priest; “she is in charge of renting out the chairs in the church.”
A few minutes later, Dr. Poulain stood by Pons’ pillow watching the progress made by death, and Schmucke’s vain efforts to persuade his friend to consent to the operation. To all the poor German’s despairing entreaties Pons only replied by a shake of the head and occasional impatient movements; till, after awhile, he summoned up all his fast-failing strength to say, with a heartrending look:
A few minutes later, Dr. Poulain stood by Pons’ pillow watching as death took its course, while Schmucke's pointless attempts to convince his friend to agree to the operation continued. To all of the poor German’s desperate pleas, Pons simply shook his head and made occasional impatient gestures; until, after some time, he gathered all his dwindling strength to say, with a heart-wrenching expression:
“Do let me die in peace!”
“Please let me die in peace!”
Schmucke almost died of sorrow, but he took Pons’ hand and softly kissed it, and held it between his own, as if trying a second time to give his own vitality to his friend.
Schmucke was nearly overcome with grief, but he took Pons’ hand and gently kissed it, holding it between his own, as if trying once more to share his own life force with his friend.
Just at this moment the bell rang, and Dr. Poulain, going to the door, admitted the Abbe Duplanty.
Just then the bell rang, and Dr. Poulain went to the door to let in Abbe Duplanty.
“Our poor patient is struggling in the grasp of death,” he said. “All will be over in a few hours. You will send a priest, no doubt, to watch to-night. But it is time that Mme. Cantinet came, as well as a woman to do the work, for M. Schmucke is quite unfit to think of anything: I am afraid for his reason; and there are valuables here which ought to be in the custody of honest persons.”
“Our poor patient is fighting for their life,” he said. “Everything will be over in a few hours. You’ll probably send a priest to keep watch tonight. But it’s time for Mme. Cantinet to arrive, along with a woman who can help, because M. Schmucke is too distraught to think straight: I’m worried about his sanity, and there are valuable items here that need to be in the care of trustworthy people.”
The Abbe Duplanty, a kindly, upright priest, guileless and unsuspicious, was struck with the truth of Dr. Poulain’s remarks. He had, moreover, a certain belief in the doctor of the quarter. So on the threshold of the death-chamber he stopped and beckoned to Schmucke, but Schmucke could not bring himself to loosen the grasp of the hand that grew tighter and tighter. Pons seemed to think that he was slipping over the edge of a precipice and must catch at something to save himself. But, as many know, the dying are haunted by an hallucination that leads them to snatch at things about them, like men eager to save their most precious possessions from a fire. Presently Pons released Schmucke to clutch at the bed-clothes, dragging them and huddling them about himself with a hasty, covetous movement significant and painful to see.
The Abbe Duplanty, a kind and honest priest, trusting and unsuspecting, realized the truth in Dr. Poulain’s comments. He also had a certain faith in the neighborhood doctor. So, standing at the entrance to the death chamber, he stopped and signaled to Schmucke, but Schmucke couldn't bring himself to let go of the hand that was tightening around his. Pons seemed to feel like he was slipping off a cliff and needed to grab onto something to save himself. But, as many know, the dying often experience hallucinations that make them reach for things around them, like people trying to save their most valued belongings from a fire. Soon, Pons let go of Schmucke to grab at the bedclothes, pulling them over himself in a hurried, greedy way that was both significant and painful to watch.
“What will you do, left alone with your dead friend?” asked M. l’Abbe Duplanty when Schmucke came to the door. “You have not Mme. Cibot now—”
“What are you going to do, all alone with your dead friend?” asked M. l’Abbe Duplanty when Schmucke came to the door. “You don’t have Mme. Cibot anymore—”
“Ein monster dat haf killed Bons!”
“It's a monster that has killed Bons!”
“But you must have somebody with you,” began Dr. Poulain. “Some one must sit up with the body to-night.”
“But you need to have someone with you,” Dr. Poulain started. “Someone has to stay with the body tonight.”
“I shall sit up; I shall say die prayers to Gott,” the innocent German answered.
“I'll sit up; I'll say my prayers to God,” the innocent German replied.
“But you must eat—and who is to cook for you now?” asked the doctor.
“But you need to eat—and who's going to cook for you now?” asked the doctor.
“Grief haf taken afay mein abbetite,” Schmucke said, simply.
“Grief has taken away my appetite,” Schmucke said, simply.
“And some one must give notice to the registrar,” said Poulain, “and lay out the body, and order the funeral; and the person who sits up with the body and the priest will want meals. Can you do all this by yourself? A man cannot die like a dog in the capital of the civilized world.”
“And someone needs to inform the registrar,” said Poulain, “and prepare the body, and arrange the funeral; and the person who watches over the body and the priest will need meals. Can you handle all of this on your own? A person shouldn't die like a dog in the capital of the civilized world.”
Schmucke opened wide eyes of dismay. A brief fit of madness seized him.
Schmucke's eyes widened in shock. A brief moment of madness overtook him.
“But Bons shall not tie!...” he cried aloud. “I shall safe him!”
“But Bons won't be tied!...” he cried out loud. “I will save him!”
“You cannot go without sleep much longer, and who will take your place? Some one must look after M. Pons, and give him drink, and nurse him—”
“You can't keep going without sleep much longer, and who's going to take your place? Someone has to look after M. Pons, get him drinks, and take care of him—”
“Ah! dat is drue.”
“Ah! that is true.”
“Very well,” said the Abbe, “I am thinking of sending your Mme. Cantinet, a good and honest creature—”
“Sure,” said the Abbe, “I’m thinking of sending your Mme. Cantinet, a good and honest person—”
The practical details of the care of the dead bewildered Schmucke, till he was fain to die with his friend.
The practical details of taking care of the dead confused Schmucke so much that he wished he could die alongside his friend.
“He is a child,” said the doctor, turning to the Abbe Duplanty.
“He's a kid,” said the doctor, turning to Abbe Duplanty.
“Ein child,” Schmucke repeated mechanically.
"One child," Schmucke repeated mechanically.
“There, then,” said the curate; “I will speak to Mme. Cantinet, and send her to you.”
“There, then,” said the curate; “I’ll talk to Mme. Cantinet and send her to you.”
“Do not trouble yourself,” said the doctor; “I am going home, and she lives in the next house.”
“Don’t worry about it,” said the doctor. “I’m going home, and she lives in the house next door.”
The dying seem to struggle with Death as with an invisible assassin; in the agony at the last, as the final thrust is made, the act of dying seems to be a conflict, a hand-to-hand fight for life. Pons had reached the supreme moment. At the sound of his groans and cries, the three standing in the doorway hurried to the bedside. Then came the last blow, smiting asunder the bonds between soul and body, striking down to life’s sources; and suddenly Pons regained for a few brief moments the perfect calm that follows the struggle. He came to himself, and with the serenity of death in his face he looked round almost smilingly at them.
The dying appear to wrestle with Death like it's an invisible assassin; in their final agony, as the last blow is delivered, dying feels like a battle, a desperate fight for life. Pons had reached that ultimate moment. At the sound of his groans and cries, the three people standing in the doorway rushed to his bedside. Then came the final strike, severing the ties between soul and body, reaching deep into the essence of life; and suddenly, Pons found a brief moment of perfect calm after the struggle. He became aware again, and with the tranquility of death on his face, he looked around at them almost with a smile.
“Ah, doctor, I have had a hard time of it; but you were right, I am doing better. Thank you, my good Abbe; I was wondering what had become of Schmucke—”
“Ah, doctor, I've had a tough time; but you were right, I'm feeling better. Thank you, my good Abbe; I was curious about what happened to Schmucke—”
“Schmucke has had nothing to eat since yesterday evening, and now it is four o’clock! You have no one with you now and it would be wise to send for Mme. Cibot.”
“Schmucke hasn’t eaten since last night, and now it’s four o’clock! You’re all alone right now, so it would make sense to call for Mme. Cibot.”
“She is capable of anything!” said Pons, without attempting to conceal all his abhorrence at the sound of her name. “It is true, Schmucke ought to have some trustworthy person.”
“She is capable of anything!” said Pons, unable to hide his disgust at the sound of her name. “It's true, Schmucke needs someone he can trust.”
“M. Duplanty and I have been thinking about you both—”
“M. Duplanty and I have been thinking about you both—”
“Ah! thank you, I had not thought of that.”
“Ah! Thanks, I hadn't thought of that.”
“—And M. Duplanty suggests that you should have Mme. Cantinet—”
“—And Mr. Duplanty suggests that you should have Mrs. Cantinet—”
“Oh! Mme. Cantinet who lets the chairs!” exclaimed Pons. “Yes, she is an excellent creature.”
“Oh! Mme. Cantinet who rents the chairs!” exclaimed Pons. “Yes, she’s a wonderful person.”
“She has no liking for Mme. Cibot,” continued the doctor, “and she would take good care of M. Schmucke—”
“She doesn’t like Mme. Cibot,” the doctor continued, “and she would look out for M. Schmucke—”
“Send her to me, M. Duplanty... send her and her husband too. I shall be easy. Nothing will be stolen here.”
“Send her to me, M. Duplanty... send her and her husband as well. I’ll be fine. Nothing will be taken here.”
Schmucke had taken Pons’ hand again, and held it joyously in his own. Pons was almost well again, he thought.
Schmucke had taken Pons' hand once more and was holding it happily in his own. Pons was almost better again, he thought.
“Let us go, Monsieur l’Abbe,” said the doctor. “I will send Mme. Cantinet round at once. I see how it is. She perhaps may not find M. Pons alive.”
“Let’s go, Monsieur l’Abbe,” said the doctor. “I’ll send Mme. Cantinet over right away. I understand what’s happening. She might not find M. Pons alive.”
While the Abbe Duplanty was persuading Pons to engage Mme. Cantinet as his nurse, Fraisier had sent for her. He had plied the beadle’s wife with sophistical reasoning and subtlety. It was difficult to resist his corrupting influence. And as for Mme. Cantinet—a lean, sallow woman, with large teeth and thin lips—her intelligence, as so often happens with women of the people, had been blunted by a hard life, till she had come to look upon the slenderest daily wage as prosperity. She soon consented to take Mme. Sauvage with her as general servant.
While Abbe Duplanty was convincing Pons to hire Mme. Cantinet as his nurse, Fraisier had already summoned her. He had bombarded the beadle’s wife with misleading arguments and clever reasoning. It was hard to resist his corrupting influence. As for Mme. Cantinet—a thin, pale woman with big teeth and tight lips—her smarts, like often happens with working-class women, had been dulled by a tough life, to the point that she saw even the smallest daily paycheck as a sign of success. She quickly agreed to bring Mme. Sauvage along as her general servant.
Mme. Sauvage had had her instructions already. She had undertaken to weave a web of iron wire about the two musicians, and to watch them as a spider watches a fly caught in the toils; and her reward was to be a tobacconist’s license. Fraisier had found a convenient opportunity of getting rid of his so-called foster-mother, while he posted her as a detective and policeman to supervise Mme. Cantinet. As there was a servant’s bedroom and a little kitchen included in the apartment, La Sauvage could sleep on a truckle-bed and cook for the German. Dr. Poulain came with the two women just as Pons drew his last breath. Schmucke was sitting beside his friend, all unconscious of the crisis, holding the hand that slowly grew colder in his grasp. He signed to Mme. Cantinet to be silent; but Mme. Sauvage’s soldierly figure surprised him so much that he started in spite of himself, a kind of homage to which the virago was quite accustomed.
Mme. Sauvage had already received her instructions. She had committed to wrapping the two musicians in a web of iron wire and keeping an eye on them like a spider watches a fly caught in its trap; her reward would be a tobacconist’s license. Fraisier had found a good chance to get rid of his so-called foster mother while positioning her as a detective and policeman to supervise Mme. Cantinet. Since the apartment included a servant's bedroom and a small kitchen, La Sauvage could sleep on a trundle bed and cook for the German. Dr. Poulain arrived with the two women just as Pons breathed his last. Schmucke was sitting next to his friend, completely unaware of the crisis, holding the hand that was slowly growing colder in his grasp. He signaled to Mme. Cantinet to be quiet; but Mme. Sauvage’s soldierly presence startled him so much that he flinched despite himself, a reaction the tough woman was quite used to.
“M. Duplanty answers for this lady,” whispered Mme. Cantinet by way of introduction. “She once was cook to a bishop; she is honesty itself; she will do the cooking.”
“M. Duplanty is in charge of this lady,” whispered Mme. Cantinet as an introduction. “She used to be a cook for a bishop; she is completely honest; she will handle the cooking.”
“Oh! you may talk out loud,” wheezed the stalwart dame. “The poor gentleman is dead.... He has just gone.”
“Oh! you can speak up,” wheezed the strong lady. “The poor man is dead... He has just passed away.”
A shrill cry broke from Schmucke. He felt Pons’ cold hand stiffening in his, and sat staring into his friend’s eyes; the look in them would have driven him mad, if Mme. Sauvage, doubtless accustomed to scenes of this sort, had not come to the bedside with a mirror which she held over the lips of the dead. When she saw that there was no mist upon the surface, she briskly snatched Schmucke’s hand away.
A sharp cry escaped Schmucke. He felt Pons' cold hand stiffening in his, and sat there staring into his friend’s eyes; the look in them would have driven him insane if Mme. Sauvage, clearly used to situations like this, hadn't come to the bedside with a mirror that she held over the dead man's lips. When she saw that there was no fog on the surface, she quickly pulled Schmucke's hand away.
“Just take away your hand, sir; you may not be able to do it in a little while. You do not know how the bones harden. A corpse grows cold very quickly. If you do not lay out a body while it is warm, you have to break the joints later on....”
“Just take your hand away, sir; you might not be able to do it soon. You don’t realize how the bones stiffen. A body cools off really fast. If you don’t prepare a body while it’s warm, you’ll have to break the joints later on....”
And so it was this terrible woman who closed the poor dead musician’s eyes.
And so it was this awful woman who shut the eyes of the poor dead musician.
With a business-like dexterity acquired in ten years of experience, she stripped and straightened the body, laid the arms by the sides, and covered the face with the bedclothes, exactly as a shopman wraps a parcel.
With a professional skill gained from ten years of experience, she undressed and positioned the body, placed the arms at the sides, and covered the face with the bedclothes, just like a shop worker wraps a package.
“A sheet will be wanted to lay him out.—Where is there a sheet?” she demanded, turning on the terror-stricken Schmucke.
“A sheet is needed to lay him out. Where can we find a sheet?” she asked, glaring at the terrified Schmucke.
He had watched the religious ritual with its deep reverence for the creature made for such high destinies in heaven; and now he saw his dead friend treated simply as a thing in this packing process—saw with the sharp pain that dissolves the very elements of thought.
He had observed the religious ceremony with deep respect for the being created for such grand destinies in heaven; and now he saw his deceased friend being handled merely as an object in this packing process—witnessed with the intense pain that breaks apart the very foundations of thought.
“Do as you vill——” he answered mechanically. The innocent creature for the first time in his life had seen a man die, and that man was Pons, his only friend, the one human being who understood him and loved him.
“Do as you want——” he replied automatically. The innocent being had witnessed a man die for the first time in his life, and that man was Pons, his only friend, the one person who understood him and cared for him.
“I will go and ask Mme. Cibot where the sheets are kept,” said La Sauvage.
“I'll go ask Mme. Cibot where the sheets are stored,” said La Sauvage.
“A truckle-bed will be wanted for the person to sleep upon,” Mme. Cantinet came to tell Schmucke.
“A trundle bed will be needed for the person to sleep on,” Mme. Cantinet came to tell Schmucke.
Schmucke nodded and broke out into weeping. Mme. Cantinet left the unhappy man in peace; but an hour later she came back to say:
Schmucke nodded and burst into tears. Mme. Cantinet left the sad man alone; but an hour later she returned to say:
“Have you any money, sir, to pay for the things?”
“Do you have any money, sir, to pay for the items?”
The look that Schmucke gave Mme. Cantinet would have disarmed the fiercest hate; it was the white, blank, peaked face of death that he turned upon her, as an explanation that met everything.
The look Schmucke gave Mme. Cantinet would have disarmed the fiercest hate; it was the pale, blank, pointed face of death that he turned toward her, as an explanation that encompassed everything.
“Dake it all and leaf me to mein prayers and tears,” he said, and knelt.
“Take it all and leave me to my prayers and tears,” he said, and knelt.
Mme. Sauvage went to Fraisier with the news of Pons’ death. Fraisier took a cab and went to the Presidente. To-morrow she must give him the power of attorney to enable him to act for the heirs.
Mme. Sauvage went to Fraisier with the news of Pons’ death. Fraisier took a cab and went to the Presidente. Tomorrow, she needs to give him the power of attorney so he can act for the heirs.
Another hour went by, and Mme. Cantinet came again to Schmucke.
Another hour passed, and Mme. Cantinet returned to Schmucke.
“I have been to Mme. Cibot, sir, who knows all about things here,” she said. “I asked her to tell me where everything is kept. But she almost jawed me to death with her abuse.... Sir, do listen to me....”
“I went to Mme. Cibot, sir, who knows everything going on here,” she said. “I asked her to tell me where everything is stored. But she practically talked my ear off with her complaints... Sir, please listen to me...”
Schmucke looked up at the woman, and she went on, innocent of any barbarous intention, for women of her class are accustomed to take the worst of moral suffering passively, as a matter of course.
Schmucke looked up at the woman, and she continued, unaware of any cruel intention, since women of her background are used to enduring the harshest moral pain passively, as if it's just part of life.
“We must have linen for the shroud, sir, we must have money to buy a truckle-bed for the person to sleep upon, and some things for the kitchen—plates, and dishes, and glasses, for a priest will be coming to pass the night here, and the person says that there is absolutely nothing in the kitchen.”
“We need linen for the shroud, sir, we need money to buy a cot for the person to sleep on, and some things for the kitchen—plates, dishes, and glasses, because a priest will be coming to stay the night here, and the person says there’s absolutely nothing in the kitchen.”
“And what is more, sir, I must have coal and firing if I am to get the dinner ready,” echoed La Sauvage, “and not a thing can I find. Not that there is anything so very surprising in that, as La Cibot used to do everything for you—”
“And what’s more, sir, I need coal and fuel if I’m going to get dinner ready,” La Sauvage said. “And I can’t find anything. Not that it’s too surprising since La Cibot used to handle everything for you—”
Schmucke lay at the feet of the dead; he heard nothing, knew nothing, saw nothing. Mme. Cantinet pointed to him. “My dear woman, you would not believe me,” she said. “Whatever you say, he does not answer.”
Schmucke lay at the feet of the dead; he heard nothing, knew nothing, saw nothing. Mme. Cantinet pointed to him. “My dear woman, you wouldn’t believe me,” she said. “No matter what you say, he doesn’t respond.”
“Very well, child,” said La Sauvage; “now I will show you what to do in a case of this kind.”
“Alright, kid,” said La Sauvage; “now I’ll show you what to do in a situation like this.”
She looked round the room as a thief looks in search of possible hiding-places for money; then she went straight to Pons’ chest, opened the first drawer, saw the bag in which Schmucke had put the rest of the money after the sale of the pictures, and held it up before him. He nodded mechanically.
She glanced around the room like a thief searching for potential hiding spots for cash; then she went directly to Pons' chest, opened the first drawer, saw the bag where Schmucke had put the remaining money after selling the paintings, and lifted it up in front of him. He nodded absentmindedly.
“Here is money, child,” said La Sauvage, turning to Mme. Cantinet. “I will count it first and take enough to buy everything we want—wine, provisions, wax-candles, all sorts of things, in fact, for there is nothing in the house.... Just look in the drawers for a sheet to bury him in. I certainly was told that the poor gentleman was simple, but I don’t know what he is; he is worse. He is like a new-born child; we shall have to feed him with a funnel.”
“Here’s the money, kid,” said La Sauvage, turning to Mme. Cantinet. “I’ll count it first and take enough to buy everything we need—wine, food, wax candles, all kinds of things, really, because there’s nothing in the house.... Just check the drawers for a sheet to bury him in. I was definitely told that the poor guy was simple, but I don’t know what he is; he’s worse. He’s like a newborn baby; we’re going to have to feed him with a funnel.”
The women went about their work, and Schmucke looked on precisely as an idiot might have done. Broken down with sorrow, wholly absorbed, in a half-cataleptic state, he could not take his eyes from the face that seemed to fascinate him, Pons’ face refined by the absolute repose of Death. Schmucke hoped to die; everything was alike indifferent. If the room had been on fire he would not have stirred.
The women went about their work, and Schmucke watched like a complete fool. Overwhelmed with grief and totally absorbed, in a sort of trance, he couldn't take his eyes off the face that captivated him, Pons’ face, which had been transformed by the stillness of Death. Schmucke wished he could die; nothing mattered to him anymore. If the room had been on fire, he wouldn’t have moved.
“There are twelve hundred and fifty francs here,” La Sauvage told him.
“There are twelve hundred and fifty francs here,” La Sauvage said to him.
Schmucke shrugged his shoulders.
Schmucke shrugged.
But when La Sauvage came near to measure the body by laying the sheet over it, before cutting out the shroud, a horrible struggle ensued between her and the poor German. Schmucke was furious. He behaved like a dog that watches by his dead master’s body, and shows his teeth at all who try to touch it. La Sauvage grew impatient. She grasped him, set him in the armchair, and held him down with herculean strength.
But when La Sauvage approached to measure the body by laying the sheet over it before cutting out the shroud, a terrible struggle broke out between her and the poor German. Schmucke was furious. He acted like a dog guarding his dead owner's body, baring his teeth at anyone who tried to come close. La Sauvage grew impatient. She grabbed him, put him in the armchair, and held him down with incredible strength.
“Go on, child; sew him in his shroud,” she said, turning to Mme. Cantinet.
“Go on, kid; sew him in his shroud,” she said, turning to Mrs. Cantinet.
As soon as this operation was completed, La Sauvage set Schmucke back in his place at the foot of the bed.
As soon as this operation was done, La Sauvage put Schmucke back in his spot at the foot of the bed.
“Do you understand?” said she. “The poor dead man lying there must be done up, there is no help for it.”
“Do you get it?” she asked. “The poor dead man lying there needs to be taken care of; there's no way around it.”
Schmucke began to cry. The women left him and took possession of the kitchen, whither they brought all the necessaries in a very short time. La Sauvage made out a preliminary statement accounting for three hundred and sixty francs, and then proceeded to prepare a dinner for four persons. And what a dinner! A fat goose (the cobbler’s pheasant) by way of a substantial roast, an omelette with preserves, a salad, and the inevitable broth—the quantities of the ingredients for this last being so excessive that the soup was more like a strong meat-jelly.
Schmucke started to cry. The women left him and took over the kitchen, quickly bringing in all the necessary supplies. La Sauvage put together a preliminary account totaling three hundred and sixty francs, then went on to prepare a dinner for four people. And what a dinner it was! A fat goose (the cobbler’s pheasant) served as the main roast, along with an omelette filled with preserves, a salad, and the usual broth—so much so that the soup ended up being more like a thick meat jelly.
At nine o’clock the priest, sent by the curate to watch by the dead, came in with Cantinet, who brought four tall wax candles and some tapers. In the death-chamber Schmucke was lying with his arms about the body of his friend, holding him in a tight clasp; nothing but the authority of religion availed to separate him from his dead. Then the priest settled himself comfortably in the easy-chair and read his prayers while Schmucke, kneeling beside the couch, besought God to work a miracle and unite him to Pons, so that they might be buried in the same grave; and Mme. Cantinet went on her way to the Temple to buy a pallet and complete bedding for Mme. Sauvage. The twelve hundred and fifty francs were regarded as plunder. At eleven o’clock Mme. Cantinet came in to ask if Schmucke would not eat a morsel, but with a gesture he signified that he wished to be left in peace.
At nine o’clock, the priest, sent by the curate to keep vigil by the deceased, entered with Cantinet, who brought four tall wax candles and some tapers. In the death room, Schmucke was lying with his arms around his friend's body, holding him tightly; only the authority of religion could separate him from his dead. The priest settled into the easy chair and began reading his prayers while Schmucke, kneeling beside the couch, pleaded with God to perform a miracle and unite him with Pons so they could be buried in the same grave. Meanwhile, Mme. Cantinet went to the Temple to buy a pallet and complete bedding for Mme. Sauvage. The twelve hundred and fifty francs were seen as a windfall. At eleven o’clock, Mme. Cantinet came in to ask if Schmucke would eat something, but he gestured that he wanted to be left alone.
“Your supper is ready, M. Pastelot,” she said, addressing the priest, and they went.
“Your dinner is ready, M. Pastelot,” she said, speaking to the priest, and they left.
Schmucke, left alone in the room, smiled to himself like a madman free at last to gratify a desire like the longing of pregnancy. He flung himself down beside Pons, and yet again he held his friend in a long, close embrace. At midnight the priest came back and scolded him, and Schmucke returned to his prayers. At daybreak the priest went, and at seven o’clock in the morning the doctor came to see Schmucke, and spoke kindly and tried hard to persuade him to eat, but the German refused.
Schmucke, alone in the room, smiled to himself like a madman finally able to satisfy a desire as intense as the longing of pregnancy. He threw himself down next to Pons and once again held his friend in a long, tight embrace. At midnight, the priest returned and scolded him, and Schmucke went back to his prayers. At dawn, the priest left, and at seven in the morning, the doctor came to see Schmucke, spoke kindly, and tried hard to convince him to eat, but the German refused.
“If you do not eat now you will feel very hungry when you come back,” the doctor told him, “for you must go to the mayor’s office and take a witness with you, so that the registrar may issue a certificate of death.”
“If you don’t eat now, you’ll be really hungry when you get back,” the doctor told him, “because you need to go to the mayor’s office and take a witness with you, so that the registrar can issue a death certificate.”
“I must go!” cried Schmucke in frightened tones.
“I have to go!” cried Schmucke in terrified tones.
“Who else?... You must go, for you were the one person who saw him die.”
“Who else?... You need to go, because you were the only person who witnessed his death.”
“Mein legs vill nicht carry me,” pleaded Schmucke, imploring the doctor to come to the rescue.
“My legs won’t carry me,” pleaded Schmucke, begging the doctor to come to the rescue.
“Take a cab,” the hypocritical doctor blandly suggested. “I have given notice already. Ask some one in the house to go with you. The two women will look after the place while you are away.”
“Take a cab,” the insincere doctor casually suggested. “I've already given notice. Ask someone in the house to go with you. The two women will take care of things while you're away.”
No one imagines how the requirements of the law jar upon a heartfelt sorrow. The thought of it is enough to make one turn from civilization and choose rather the customs of the savage. At nine o’clock that morning Mme. Sauvage half-carried Schmucke downstairs, and from the cab he was obliged to beg Remonencq to come with him to the registrar as a second witness. Here in Paris, in this land of ours besotted with Equality, the inequality of conditions is glaringly apparent everywhere and in everything. The immutable tendency of things peeps out even in the practical aspects of Death. In well-to-do families, a relative, a friend, or a man of business spares the mourners these painful details; but in this, as in the matter of taxation, the whole burden falls heaviest upon the shoulders of the poor.
No one realizes how the demands of the law clash with deep sorrow. Just thinking about it can make someone want to turn away from society and prefer the ways of the uncivilized. That morning at nine o’clock, Mme. Sauvage had to help Schmucke down the stairs, and from the cab, he had to ask Remonencq to accompany him to the registrar as a second witness. Here in Paris, in this land of ours obsessed with Equality, the inequality of circumstances is glaringly obvious everywhere and in everything. The constant nature of things shows itself even in the practical matters of Death. In affluent families, a relative, friend, or business associate spares the mourners these painful details; but in this, just like with taxes, the entire burden falls hardest on the shoulders of the poor.
“Ah! you have good reason to regret him,” said Remonencq in answer to the poor martyr’s moan; “he was a very good, a very honest man, and he has left a fine collection behind him. But being a foreigner, sir, do you know that you are like to find yourself in a great predicament—for everybody says that M. Pons left everything to you?”
“Ah! You have every reason to regret him,” Remonencq said in response to the poor martyr’s moan. “He was a really good, honest man, and he left behind a great collection. But as a foreigner, sir, do you realize you're likely to find yourself in a tough situation—everyone says that Mr. Pons left everything to you?”
Schmucke was not listening. He was sounding the dark depths of sorrow that border upon madness. There is such a thing as tetanus of the soul.
Schmucke wasn't paying attention. He was exploring the deep sadness that edges on madness. There is such a thing as soul tetanus.
“And you would do well to find some one—some man of business—to advise you and act for you,” pursued Remonencq.
“And you should really find someone—a businessman—to advise you and act on your behalf,” continued Remonencq.
“Ein mann of pizness!” echoed Schmucke.
“A man of business!” echoed Schmucke.
“You will find that you will want some one to act for you. If I were you, I should take an experienced man, somebody well known to you in the quarter, a man you can trust.... I always go to Tabareau myself for my bits of affairs—he is the bailiff. If you give his clerk power to act for you, you need not trouble yourself any further.”
“You’ll want someone to represent you. If I were in your position, I’d choose an experienced person, someone you trust and know well in the area. I always go to Tabareau for my affairs—he’s the bailiff. If you give his clerk permission to act on your behalf, you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”
Remonencq and La Cibot, prompted by Fraisier, had agreed beforehand to make a suggestion which stuck in Schmucke’s memory; for there are times in our lives when grief, as it were, congeals the mind by arresting all its functions, and any chance impression made at such moments is retained by a frost-bound memory. Schmucke heard his companion with such a fixed, mindless stare, that Remonencq said no more.
Remonencq and La Cibot, encouraged by Fraisier, had already decided to make a suggestion that stuck in Schmucke’s mind; because there are times in our lives when sadness, in a way, freezes our thoughts and stops everything from functioning, and any random impression made during those moments is kept in a memory that feels frozen. Schmucke listened to his companion with such a blank, vacant stare that Remonencq didn’t say anything more.
“If he is always to be idiotic like this,” thought Remonencq, “I might easily buy the whole bag of tricks up yonder for a hundred thousand francs; if it is really his.... Here we are at the mayor’s office, sir.”
“If he’s going to be this stupid all the time,” thought Remonencq, “I could easily buy the whole bag of tricks up there for a hundred thousand francs; if it really belongs to him.... Here we are at the mayor’s office, sir.”
Remonencq was obliged to take Schmucke out of the cab and to half-carry him to the registrar’s department, where a wedding-party was assembled. Here they had to wait for their turn, for, by no very uncommon chance, the clerk had five or six certificates to make out that morning; and here it was appointed that poor Schmucke should suffer excruciating anguish.
Remonencq had to help Schmucke out of the cab and support him as they made their way to the registrar’s office, where a wedding party was gathered. They had to wait for their turn because, as luck would have it, the clerk had five or six certificates to prepare that morning; and it was here that poor Schmucke would experience intense suffering.
“Monsieur is M. Schmucke?” remarked a person in a suit of black, reducing Schmucke to stupefaction by the mention of his name. He looked up with the same blank, unseeing eyes that he had turned upon Remonencq, who now interposed.
“Monsieur is M. Schmucke?” said a person in a black suit, leaving Schmucke stunned by the mention of his name. He looked up with the same dazed, unseeing eyes he had directed at Remonencq, who now stepped in.
“What do you want with him?” he said. “Just leave him in peace; you can plainly see that he is in trouble.”
“What do you want with him?” he asked. “Just leave him alone; you can clearly see that he’s in trouble.”
“The gentleman has just lost his friend, and proposes, no doubt, to do honor to his memory, being, as he is, the sole heir. The gentleman, no doubt, will not haggle over it, he will buy a piece of ground outright for a grave. And as M. Pons was such a lover of the arts, it would be a great pity not to put Music, Painting, and Sculpture on his tomb—three handsome full-length figures, weeping—”
“The man has just lost his friend and is probably planning to honor his memory since he is the sole heir. He likely won't negotiate over it; he will buy a plot of land outright for a grave. And since M. Pons was such a lover of the arts, it would be a real shame not to include Music, Painting, and Sculpture on his tomb—three beautiful full-length figures, weeping—”
Remonencq waved the speaker away, in Auvergnat fashion, but the man replied with another gesture, which being interpreted means “Don’t spoil sport”; a piece of commercial free-masonry, as it were, which the dealer understood.
Remonencq waved the speaker off, like someone from Auvergne, but the man responded with another gesture that meant “Don’t ruin the fun”; a kind of unspoken agreement in business that the dealer understood.
“I represent the firm of Sonet and Company, monumental stone-masons; Sir Walter Scott would have dubbed me Young Mortality,” continued this person. “If you, sir, should decide to intrust your orders to us, we would spare you the trouble of the journey to purchase the ground necessary for the interment of a friend lost to the arts—”
“I represent the firm of Sonet and Company, monumental stone-masons; Sir Walter Scott would have called me Young Mortality,” continued this person. “If you, sir, decide to trust us with your orders, we’ll save you the hassle of traveling to buy the land needed for the burial of a friend lost to the arts—”
At this Remonencq nodded assent, and jogged Schmucke’s elbow.
At this, Remonencq nodded in agreement and nudged Schmucke's elbow.
“Every day we receive orders from families to arrange all formalities,” continued he of the black coat, thus encouraged by Remonencq. “In the first moment of bereavement, the heir-at-law finds it very difficult to attend to such matters, and we are accustomed to perform these little services for our clients. Our charges, sir, are on a fixed scale, so much per foot, freestone or marble. Family vaults a specialty.—We undertake everything at the most moderate prices. Our firm executed the magnificent monument erected to the fair Esther Gobseck and Lucien de Rubempre, one of the finest ornaments of Pere-Lachaise. We only employ the best workmen, and I must warn you, sir, against small contractors—who turn out nothing but trash,” he added, seeing that another person in a black suit was coming up to say a word for another firm of marble-workers.
“Every day we get requests from families to handle all the formalities,” he continued, encouraged by Remonencq. “In the initial moments of grief, the heir finds it very hard to deal with such matters, and we typically take care of these little services for our clients. Our fees, sir, are on a fixed scale, a set price per foot for freestone or marble. Family vaults are a specialty. We manage everything at very reasonable prices. Our firm created the stunning monument dedicated to the beautiful Esther Gobseck and Lucien de Rubempre, one of the finest attractions in Pere-Lachaise. We only hire the best craftsmen, and I must caution you, sir, about small contractors—who produce nothing but subpar work,” he added, noticing that another person in a black suit was approaching to vouch for another marble-working company.
It is often said that “death is the end of a journey,” but the aptness of the simile is realized most fully in Paris. Any arrival, especially of a person of condition, upon the “dark brink,” is hailed in much the same way as the traveler recently landed is hailed by hotel touts and pestered with their recommendations. With the exception of a few philosophically-minded persons, or here and there a family secure of handing down a name to posterity, nobody thinks beforehand of the practical aspects of death. Death always comes before he is expected; and, from a sentiment easy to understand, the heirs usually act as if the event were impossible. For which reason, almost every one that loses father or mother, wife or child, is immediately beset by scouts that profit by the confusion caused by grief to snare others. In former days, agents for monuments used to live round about the famous cemetery of Pere-Lachaise, and were gathered together in a single thoroughfare, which should by rights have been called the Street of Tombs; issuing thence, they fell upon the relatives of the dead as they came from the cemetery, or even at the grave-side. But competition and the spirit of speculation induced them to spread themselves further and further afield, till descending into Paris itself they reached the very precincts of the mayor’s office. Indeed, the stone-mason’s agent has often been known to invade the house of mourning with a design for the sepulchre in his hand.
It’s often said that “death is the end of a journey,” but this comparison makes the most sense in Paris. When someone of importance arrives at the “dark brink,” they are greeted similarly to how hotel touts welcome a newly arrived traveler, eager to offer their suggestions. Aside from a few philosophical folks or some families who are confident in passing down their legacy, most people don’t think ahead about the practicalities of death. Death always arrives unexpectedly, and understandably, heirs usually act as if it can’t possibly happen. Because of this, almost everyone who loses a parent, spouse, or child is quickly approached by people looking to take advantage of the confusion that grief brings. In the past, agents for monuments used to live near the famous Pere-Lachaise cemetery, all clustered along one street that should have been called the Street of Tombs. From there, they would intercept the relatives of the deceased as they left the cemetery or even at the gravesite. However, competition and the desire for profit drove them to spread out more and more until they reached the heart of Paris, close to the mayor’s office. In fact, it’s not uncommon for a stone mason’s agent to show up at a mourning family’s home with a tomb design in hand.
“I am in treaty with this gentleman,” said the representative of the firm of Sonet to another agent who came up.
“I’m in talks with this guy,” said the representative of the firm of Sonet to another agent who approached him.
“Pons deceased!...” called the clerk at this moment. “Where are the witnesses?”
“Pons has died!” shouted the clerk at that moment. “Where are the witnesses?”
“This way, sir,” said the stone-mason’s agent, this time addressing Remonencq.
“This way, sir,” said the stone-mason’s agent, this time speaking to Remonencq.
Schmucke stayed where he had been placed on the bench, an inert mass. Remonencq begged the agent to help him, and together they pulled Schmucke towards the balustrade, behind which the registrar shelters himself from the mourning public. Remonencq, Schmucke’s Providence, was assisted by Dr. Poulain, who filled in the necessary information as to Pons’ age and birthplace; the German knew but one thing—that Pons was his friend. So soon as the signatures were affixed, Remonencq and the doctor (followed by the stone-mason’s man), put Schmucke into a cab, the desperate agent whisking in afterwards, bent upon taking a definite order.
Schmucke stayed where he was on the bench, completely motionless. Remonencq pleaded with the agent to help him, and together they pulled Schmucke toward the railing, behind which the registrar was hiding from the grieving crowd. Remonencq, Schmucke’s savior, was joined by Dr. Poulain, who filled in the necessary details about Pons' age and birthplace; all Schmucke knew was that Pons was his friend. Once the signatures were signed, Remonencq and the doctor (followed by the stone mason’s assistant) put Schmucke into a cab, with the frantic agent jumping in afterward, determined to get a clear order.
La Sauvage, on the lookout in the gateway, half-carried Schmucke’s almost unconscious form upstairs. Remonencq and the agent went up with her.
La Sauvage, keeping watch at the entrance, half-carried Schmucke’s nearly unconscious body upstairs. Remonencq and the agent followed her up.
“He will be ill!” exclaimed the agent, anxious to make an end of the piece of business which, according to him, was in progress.
“He's going to be sick!” the agent exclaimed, eager to wrap up the transaction that he felt was ongoing.
“I should think he will!” returned Mme. Sauvage. “He has been crying for twenty-four hours on end, and he would not take anything. There is nothing like grief for giving one a sinking in the stomach.”
“I think he will!” replied Mme. Sauvage. “He has been crying non-stop for twenty-four hours, and he wouldn’t eat anything. There’s nothing quite like grief to make you feel nauseous.”
“My dear client,” urged the representative of the firm of Sonet, “do take some broth. You have so much to do; some one must go to the Hotel de Ville to buy the ground in the cemetery on which you mean to erect a monument to perpetuate the memory of the friend of the arts, and bear record to your gratitude.”
“My dear client,” urged the representative of the firm of Sonet, “please have some broth. You have so much to do; someone has to go to the Hotel de Ville to buy the land in the cemetery where you plan to put up a monument to honor the friend of the arts and show your gratitude.”
“Why, there is no sense in this!” added Mme. Cantinet, coming in with broth and bread.
“Why, this makes no sense!” added Mme. Cantinet, coming in with broth and bread.
“If you are as weak as this, you ought to think of finding some one to act for you,” added Remonencq, “for you have a good deal on your hands, my dear sir. There is the funeral to order. You would not have your friend buried like a pauper!”
“If you’re this weak, you should consider finding someone to handle things for you,” Remonencq added, “because you have a lot on your plate, my dear sir. There’s the funeral to arrange. You wouldn’t want your friend to be buried like a nobody!”
“Come, come, my dear sir,” put in La Sauvage, seizing a moment when Schmucke laid his head back in the great chair to pour a spoonful of soup into his mouth. She fed him as if he had been a child, and almost in spite of himself.
“Come on, my dear sir,” La Sauvage interrupted, taking advantage of the moment when Schmucke leaned back in the big chair to spoon some soup into his mouth. She fed him like he was a child, almost against his will.
“Now, if you were wise, sir, since you are inclined to give yourself up quietly to grief, you would find some one to act for you—”
“Now, if you were smart, sir, since you’re prone to giving in to sadness, you would find someone to speak on your behalf—”
“As you are thinking of raising a magnificent monument to the memory of your friend, sir, you have only to leave it all to me; I will undertake—”
“As you’re planning to build an amazing monument in memory of your friend, sir, just leave it all to me; I’ll take care of it—”
“What is all this? What is all this?” asked La Sauvage. “Has M. Schmucke ordered something? Who may you be?”
“What’s going on here? What’s happening?” asked La Sauvage. “Did M. Schmucke order something? Who are you?”
“I represent the firm of Sonet, my dear madame, the biggest monumental stone-masons in Paris,” said the person in black, handing a business-card to the stalwart Sauvage.
“I represent the firm of Sonet, my dear lady, the largest monumental stone-masons in Paris,” said the person in black, handing a business card to the sturdy Sauvage.
“Very well, that will do. Some one will go with you when the time comes; but you must not take advantage of the gentleman’s condition now. You can quite see that he is not himself——”
“Alright, that will work. Someone will go with you when the time is right; but you must not take advantage of the gentleman’s state right now. You can clearly see that he is not himself——”
The agent led her out upon the landing.
The agent walked her out to the landing.
“If you will undertake to get the order for us,” he said confidentially, “I am empowered to offer you forty francs.”
“If you can help us get the order,” he said quietly, “I’m authorized to offer you forty francs.”
Mme. Sauvage grew placable. “Very well, let me have your address,” said she.
Mme. Sauvage became calm. “Alright, give me your address,” she said.
Schmucke meantime being left to himself, and feeling the stronger for the soup and bread that he had been forced to swallow, returned at once to Pons’ rooms, and to his prayers. He had lost himself in the fathomless depths of sorrow, when a voice sounding in his ears drew him back from the abyss of grief, and a young man in a suit of black returned for the eleventh time to the charge, pulling the poor, tortured victim’s coatsleeve until he listened.
Schmucke, meanwhile, left to his own thoughts and feeling better from the soup and bread he had eaten, went back to Pons' apartment and resumed his prayers. He had gotten lost in the deep sadness when a voice in his ears pulled him back from the edge of grief. A young man in a black suit came back for the eleventh time, tugging at the sleeve of the poor, tormented man's coat until he paid attention.
“Sir!” said he.
“Sir!” he said.
“Vat ees it now?”
"What is it now?"
“Sir! we owe a supreme discovery to Dr. Gannal; we do not dispute his fame; he has worked miracles of Egypt afresh; but there have been improvements made upon his system. We have obtained surprising results. So, if you would like to see your friend again, as he was when he was alive—”
“Sir! We owe an incredible discovery to Dr. Gannal; we don’t question his reputation; he has performed wonders similar to those of ancient Egypt; but there have been enhancements to his method. We have achieved astonishing results. So, if you want to see your friend again, just like he was when he was alive—”
“See him again!” cried Schmucke. “Shall he speak to me?”
“See him again!” shouted Schmucke. “Should he talk to me?”
“Not exactly. Speech is the only thing wanting,” continued the embalmer’s agent. “But he will remain as he is after embalming for all eternity. The operation is over in a few seconds. Just an incision in the carotid artery and an injection.—But it is high time; if you wait one single quarter of an hour, sir, you will not have the sweet satisfaction of preserving the body....”
“Not quite. The only thing missing is speech,” continued the embalmer’s agent. “But he will stay exactly as he is after embalming for all eternity. The procedure is done in just a few seconds. It’s just a cut in the carotid artery and an injection. — But it’s high time; if you wait even a quarter of an hour, sir, you won’t get the satisfaction of preserving the body....”
“Go to der teufel!... Bons is ein spirit—und dat spirit is in hefn.”
“Go to hell!... Bons is a spirit—and that spirit is in heaven.”
“That man has no gratitude in his composition,” remarked the youthful agent of one of the famous Gannal’s rivals; “he will not embalm his friend.”
“That guy has no gratitude in him,” said the young agent of one of Gannal’s famous competitors; “he won’t embalm his friend.”
The words were spoken under the archway, and addressed to La Cibot, who had just submitted her beloved to the process.
The words were spoken under the archway and directed at La Cibot, who had just put her beloved through the process.
“What would you have, sir!” she said. “He is the heir, the universal legatee. As soon as they get what they want, the dead are nothing to them.”
“What do you want, sir!” she said. “He’s the heir, the universal beneficiary. Once they get what they want, the dead mean nothing to them.”
An hour later, Schmucke saw Mme. Sauvage come into the room, followed by another man in a suit of black, a workman, to all appearance.
An hour later, Schmucke saw Mme. Sauvage walk into the room, followed by another man in a black suit, who looked like a worker.
“Cantinet has been so obliging as to send this gentleman, sir,” she said; “he is coffin-maker to the parish.”
“Cantinet was nice enough to send this gentleman, sir,” she said; “he’s the coffin maker for the parish.”
The coffin-maker made his bow with a sympathetic and compassionate air, but none the less he had a business-like look, and seemed to know that he was indispensable. He turned an expert’s eye upon the dead.
The coffin-maker bowed with a sympathetic and compassionate demeanor, but he still carried a professional attitude and appeared to understand that he was essential. He examined the deceased with an expert's gaze.
“How does the gentleman wish ‘it’ to be made? Deal, plain oak, or oak lead-lined? Oak with a lead lining is the best style. The body is a stock size,”—he felt for the feet, and proceeded to take the measure—“one metre seventy!” he added. “You will be thinking of ordering the funeral service at the church, sir, no doubt?”
“How does the gentleman want 'it' done? Wood, plain oak, or oak lined with lead? Oak with a lead lining is the best choice. The body is a standard size,”—he checked for the feet and continued measuring—“one meter seventy!” he added. “You’re probably planning to arrange the funeral service at the church, sir, right?”
Schmucke looked at him as a dangerous madman might look before striking a blow. La Sauvage put in a word.
Schmucke stared at him like a crazed lunatic might before making a move. La Sauvage chimed in.
“You ought to find somebody to look after all these things,” she said.
“You should find someone to take care of all these things,” she said.
“Yes——” the victim murmured at length.
“Yes—” the victim quietly responded after a moment.
“Shall I fetch M. Tabareau?—for you will have a good deal on your hands before long. M. Tabareau is the most honest man in the quarter, you see.”
“Should I get M. Tabareau?—because you’ll have a lot to deal with soon. M. Tabareau is the most honest guy in the neighborhood, you know.”
“Yes. Mennesir Dapareau! Somepody vas speaking of him chust now—” said Schmucke, completely beaten.
“Yes. Mennesir Dapareau! Somebody was just talking about him—” said Schmucke, completely defeated.
“Very well. You can be quiet, sir, and give yourself up to grief, when you have seen your deputy.”
“Alright. You can be quiet, sir, and let yourself feel the sadness when you’ve met with your deputy.”
It was nearly two o’clock when M. Tabareau’s head-clerk, a young man who aimed at a bailiff’s career, modestly presented himself. Youth has wonderful privileges; no one is alarmed by youth. This young man Villemot by name, sat down by Schmucke’s side and waited his opportunity to speak. His diffidence touched Schmucke very much.
It was nearly two o’clock when M. Tabareau’s head clerk, a young man aiming for a career as a bailiff, modestly introduced himself. Youth has amazing perks; no one is intimidated by youth. This young man, named Villemot, sat down next to Schmucke and waited for a chance to speak. His shyness moved Schmucke deeply.
“I am M. Tabareau’s head-clerk, sir,” he said; “he sent me here to take charge of your interests, and to superintend the funeral arrangements. Is this your wish?”
“I’m M. Tabareau’s head clerk, sir,” he said. “He sent me here to take care of your interests and to oversee the funeral arrangements. Is that what you want?”
“You cannot safe my life, I haf not long to lif; but you vill leaf me in beace!”
“You can't save my life, I don’t have long to live; but you will leave me in peace!”
“Oh! you shall not be disturbed,” said Villemot.
“Oh! you won’t be disturbed,” said Villemot.
“Ver’ goot. Vat must I do for dat?”
“Very good. What must I do for that?”
“Sign this paper appointing M. Tabareau to act for you in all matters relating to the settlement of the affairs of the deceased.”
“Sign this paper giving M. Tabareau the authority to represent you in all matters related to settling the deceased's affairs.”
“Goot! gif it to me,” said Schmucke, anxious only to sign it at once.
“Great! Give it to me,” said Schmucke, eager to sign it right away.
“No, I must read it over to you first.”
“No, I need to read it to you first.”
“Read it ofer.”
“Read it again.”
Schmucke paid not the slightest attention to the reading of the power of attorney, but he set his name to it. The young clerk took Schmucke’s orders for the funeral, the interment, and the burial service; undertaking that he should not be troubled again in any way, nor asked for money.
Schmucke didn’t pay any attention to the reading of the power of attorney, but he signed it anyway. The young clerk took Schmucke’s instructions for the funeral, the burial, and the burial service, promising that he wouldn’t be bothered again in any way or asked for money.
“I vould gif all dat I haf to be left in beace,” said the unhappy man. And once more he knelt beside the dead body of his friend.
“I would give everything I have to be left in peace,” said the unhappy man. And once more he knelt beside the dead body of his friend.
Fraisier had triumphed. Villemot and La Sauvage completed the circle which he had traced about Pons’ heir.
Fraisier had won. Villemot and La Sauvage finished the circle that he had drawn around Pons’ heir.
There is no sorrow that sleep cannot overcome. Towards the end of the day La Sauvage, coming in, found Schmucke stretched asleep at the bed-foot. She carried him off, put him to bed, tucked him in maternally, and till the morning Schmucke slept.
There’s no sadness that sleep can’t defeat. At the end of the day, La Sauvage came in and found Schmucke stretched out asleep at the foot of the bed. She took him, put him in bed, tucked him in like a mother would, and he slept peacefully until morning.
When he awoke, or rather when the truce was over and he again became conscious of his sorrows, Pons’ coffin lay under the gateway in such a state as a third-class funeral may claim, and Schmucke, seeking vainly for his friend, wandered from room to room, across vast spaces, as it seemed to him, empty of everything save hideous memories. La Sauvage took him in hand, much as a nurse manages a child; she made him take his breakfast before starting for the church; and while the poor sufferer forced himself to eat, she discovered, with lamentations worthy of Jeremiah, that he had not a black coat in his possession. La Cibot took entire charge of his wardrobe; since Pons fell ill, his apparel, like his dinner, had been reduced to the lowest terms—to a couple of coats and two pairs of trousers.
When he woke up, or rather when the break was over and he became aware of his troubles again, Pons' coffin was under the gate looking very much like what you'd expect from a budget funeral. Schmucke, desperately searching for his friend, wandered from room to room, across what felt to him like endless empty spaces filled only with terrible memories. La Sauvage took control of the situation, much like a nurse handles a child; she made him have breakfast before heading to the church. While the poor man struggled to eat, she realized, with laments worthy of Jeremiah, that he didn’t own a black coat. La Cibot managed his wardrobe completely; since Pons got sick, his clothing, like his meals, had been reduced to the bare minimum—just a couple of coats and two pairs of trousers.
“And you are going just as you are to M. Pons’ funeral? It is an unheard-of thing; the whole quarter will cry shame upon us!”
“And you’re really going to M. Pons’ funeral just as you are? That’s outrageous; the whole neighborhood will be ashamed of us!”
“Und how vill you dat I go?”
“Then how do you want me to go?”
“Why, in mourning—”
“Why, in grief—”
“Mourning!”
"Grieving!"
“It is the proper thing.”
“It’s the right thing.”
“Der bropper ding!... Confound all dis stupid nonsense!” cried poor Schmucke, driven to the last degree of exasperation which a childlike soul can reach under stress of sorrow.
“Damn it all!... This stupid nonsense!” cried poor Schmucke, pushed to the limits of frustration that a childlike soul can endure in times of sorrow.
“Why, the man is a monster of ingratitude!” said La Sauvage, turning to a personage who just then appeared. At the sight of this functionary Schmucke shuddered. The newcomer wore a splendid suit of black, black knee-breeches, black silk stockings, a pair of white cuffs, an extremely correct white muslin tie, and white gloves. A silver chain with a coin attached ornamented his person. A typical official, stamped with the official expression of decorous gloom, an ebony wand in his hand by way of insignia of office, he stood waiting with a three-cornered hat adorned with the tricolor cockade under his arm.
“Honestly, that guy is such an ingrate!” said La Sauvage, turning to a person who had just appeared. At the sight of this official, Schmucke shuddered. The newcomer wore a fancy black suit, black knee-breeches, black silk stockings, a pair of white cuffs, a perfectly placed white muslin tie, and white gloves. A silver chain with a coin attached adorned his outfit. He looked like a typical official, marked by an expression of serious decorum, holding an ebony wand as a symbol of his office, and waiting with a three-cornered hat featuring a tricolor cockade under his arm.
“I am the master of the ceremonies,” this person remarked in a subdued voice.
“I’m the master of the ceremonies,” this person said in a quiet voice.
Accustomed daily to superintend funerals, to move among families plunged in one and the same kind of tribulation, real or feigned, this man, like the rest of his fraternity, spoke in hushed and soothing tones; he was decorous, polished, and formal, like an allegorical stone figure of Death.
Used to overseeing funerals every day and interacting with families immersed in similar grief, whether genuine or staged, this man, like others in his profession, spoke in quiet and comforting tones; he was respectful, refined, and formal, resembling a symbolic stone figure of Death.
Schmucke quivered through every nerve as if he were confronting his executioner.
Schmucke trembled in every nerve as if he were facing his executioner.
“Is this gentleman the son, brother, or father of the deceased?” inquired the official.
“Is this man the son, brother, or father of the deceased?” the official asked.
“I am all dat and more pesides—I am his friend,” said Schmucke through a torrent of weeping.
“I am all that and more besides—I am his friend,” said Schmucke through a flood of tears.
“Are you his heir?”
"Are you his successor?"
“Heir?...” repeated Schmucke. “Noding matters to me more in dis vorld,” returning to his attitude of hopeless sorrow.
“Heir?...” Schmucke repeated. “Nothing matters to me more in this world,” he said as he went back to his expression of hopeless sorrow.
“Where are the relatives, the friends?” asked the master of the ceremonies.
“Where are the relatives, the friends?” asked the host.
“All here!” exclaimed the German, indicating the pictures and rarities. “Not von of dem haf efer gifn bain to mein boor Bons.... Here ees everydings dot he lofed, after me.”
“All here!” exclaimed the German, pointing to the pictures and rarities. “None of them have ever been given to my dear Bons... Here is everything that he loved, after me.”
Schmucke had taken his seat again, and looked as vacant as before; he dried his eyes mechanically. Villemot came up at that moment; he had ordered the funeral, and the master of the ceremonies, recognizing him, made an appeal to the newcomer.
Schmucke had sat down again and looked as lost as before; he wiped his eyes absentmindedly. Villemot approached at that moment; he had arranged the funeral, and the master of ceremonies, recognizing him, turned to the newcomer for help.
“Well, sir, it is time to start. The hearse is here; but I have not often seen such a funeral as this. Where are the relatives and friends?”
“Well, sir, it's time to get started. The hearse is here, but I haven't often seen a funeral like this. Where are the family and friends?”
“We have been pressed for time,” replied Villemot. “This gentleman was in such deep grief that he could think of nothing. And there is only one relative.”
“We've been short on time,” Villemot replied. “This guy was so overwhelmed with grief that he couldn't think of anything else. And there's only one family member.”
The master of the ceremonies looked compassionately at Schmucke; this expert in sorrow knew real grief when he saw it. He went across to him.
The master of ceremonies looked at Schmucke with kindness; this expert in sadness recognized true grief when he saw it. He walked over to him.
“Come, take heart, my dear sir. Think of paying honor to your friend’s memory.”
“Come on, be brave, my good man. Think about honoring your friend’s memory.”
“We forgot to send out cards; but I took care to send a special message to M. le Presidente de Marville, the one relative that I mentioned to you.—There are no friends.—M. Pons was conductor of an orchestra at a theatre, but I do not think that any one will come.—This gentleman is the universal legatee, I believe.”
“We forgot to send out cards, but I made sure to send a special message to M. le Presidente de Marville, the one relative I mentioned to you. There are no friends. M. Pons was the conductor of an orchestra at a theater, but I don’t think anyone will come. This gentleman is the universal heir, I believe.”
“Then he ought to be chief mourner,” said the master of the ceremonies.—“Have you a black coat?” he continued, noticing Schmucke’s costume.
“Then he should be the chief mourner,” said the master of ceremonies. “Do you have a black coat?” he continued, noticing Schmucke’s outfit.
“I am all in plack insite!” poor Schmucke replied in heartrending tones; “so plack it is dot I feel death in me.... Gott in hefn is going to haf pity upon me; He vill send me to mein friend in der grafe, und I dank Him for it—”
“I am all in black inside!” poor Schmucke replied in heartbreaking tones; “so black it is that I feel death in me... God in heaven is going to have pity on me; He will send me to my friend in the grave, and I thank Him for it—”
He clasped his hands.
He joined his hands.
“I have told our management before now that we ought to have a wardrobe department and lend the proper mourning costumes on hire,” said the master of the ceremonies, addressing Villemot; “it is a want that is more and more felt every day, and we have even now introduced improvements. But as this gentleman is chief mourner, he ought to wear a cloak, and this one that I have brought with me will cover him from head to foot; no one need know that he is not in proper mourning costume.—Will you be so kind as to rise?”
“I’ve mentioned to our management before that we should have a wardrobe department to rent out proper mourning attire,” said the master of ceremonies, addressing Villemot. “This need is becoming more obvious every day, and we’ve already started making improvements. However, since this gentleman is the chief mourner, he should wear a cloak, and the one I’ve brought will cover him from head to toe; no one has to know that he isn’t in the proper mourning outfit. —Would you be so kind as to stand up?”
Schmucke rose, but he tottered on his feet.
Schmucke got up, but he wobbled on his feet.
“Support him,” said the master of the ceremonies, turning to Villemot; “you are his legal representative.”
“Support him,” said the master of ceremonies, turning to Villemot; “you are his legal representative.”
Villemot held Schmucke’s arm while the master of the ceremonies invested Schmucke with the ample, dismal-looking garment worn by heirs-at-law in the procession to and from the house and the church. He tied the black silken cords under the chin, and Schmucke as heir was in “full dress.”
Villemot held Schmucke’s arm while the master of ceremonies dressed Schmucke in the large, gloomy-looking robe worn by heirs during the procession to and from the house and the church. He tied the black silk cords under the chin, and Schmucke, as the heir, was in “full dress.”
“And now comes a great difficulty,” continued the master of the ceremonies; “we want four bearers for the pall.... If nobody comes to the funeral, who is to fill the corners? It is half-past ten already,” he added, looking at his watch; “they are waiting for us at the church.”
“And now comes a big problem,” continued the master of ceremonies; “we need four people to carry the pall.... If no one shows up for the funeral, who’s going to hold the corners? It’s already half-past ten,” he added, glancing at his watch; “they’re waiting for us at the church.”
“Oh! here comes Fraisier!” Villemot exclaimed, very imprudently; but there was no one to hear the tacit confession of complicity.
“Oh! Here comes Fraisier!” Villemot exclaimed, quite recklessly; but there was no one around to catch the unspoken admission of involvement.
“Who is this gentleman?” inquired the master of the ceremonies.
“Who is this guy?” asked the master of ceremonies.
“Oh! he comes on behalf of the family.”
“Oh! he’s here representing the family.”
“Whose family?”
"Whose family is that?"
“The disinherited family. He is M. Camusot de Marville’s representative.”
“The disinherited family. He is Mr. Camusot de Marville’s representative.”
“Good,” said the master of the ceremonies, with a satisfied air. “We shall have two pall-bearers at any rate—you and he.”
“Good,” said the master of ceremonies, looking satisfied. “We’ll have two pallbearers at least—you and him.”
And, happy to find two of the places filled up, he took out some wonderful white buckskin gloves, and politely presented Fraisier and Villemot with a pair apiece.
And, happy to see that two of the places were filled, he took out some amazing white buckskin gloves and politely offered Fraisier and Villemot each a pair.
“If you gentlemen will be so good as to act as pall-bearers—” said he.
“If you guys would be so kind as to be the pall-bearers—” he said.
Fraisier, in black from head to foot, pretentiously dressed, with his white tie and official air, was a sight to shudder at; he embodied a hundred briefs.
Fraisier, dressed completely in black, with a flashy outfit, white tie, and an official demeanor, was a sight that made you cringe; he represented countless legal briefs.
“Willingly, sir,” said he.
"Of course, sir," he said.
“If only two more persons will come, the four corners will be filled up,” said the master of the ceremonies.
“Just two more people and the four corners will be filled,” said the master of ceremonies.
At that very moment the indefatigable representative of the firm of Sonet came up, and, closely following him, the man who remembered Pons and thought of paying him a last tribute of respect. This was a supernumerary at the theatre, the man who put out the scores on the music-stands for the orchestra. Pons had been wont to give him a five-franc piece once a month, knowing that he had a wife and family.
At that very moment, the tireless representative from the Sonet company arrived, closely followed by a man who remembered Pons and wanted to pay him one last respect. This was a theater extra, the person who placed the music scores on the stands for the orchestra. Pons used to give him a five-franc coin once a month, knowing he had a wife and kids.
“Oh, Dobinard (Topinard)!” Schmucke cried out at the sight of him, “you love Bons!”
“Oh, Dobinard (Topinard)!” Schmucke exclaimed when he saw him, “you love Bons!”
“Why, I have come to ask news of M. Pons every morning, sir.”
“Why, I come every morning to ask about M. Pons, sir.”
“Efery morning! boor Dobinard!” and Schmucke squeezed the man’s hand.
“Every morning! Poor Dobinard!” and Schmucke squeezed the man’s hand.
“But they took me for a relation, no doubt, and did not like my visits at all. I told them that I belonged to the theatre and came to inquire after M. Pons; but it was no good. They saw through that dodge, they said. I asked to see the poor dear man, but they never would let me come upstairs.”
“But they definitely thought I was a family member and didn’t like my visits at all. I explained that I was from the theater and came to check on M. Pons, but it didn’t work. They saw right through that excuse, they said. I asked to see the poor man, but they would never let me go upstairs.”
“Dat apominable Zipod!” said Schmucke, squeezing Topinard’s horny hand to his heart.
“Dat awful Zipod!” said Schmucke, squeezing Topinard’s rough hand to his chest.
“He was the best of men, that good M. Pons. Every month he use to give me five francs.... He knew that I had three children and a wife. My wife has gone to the church.”
“He was the best of men, that good M. Pons. Every month he used to give me five francs... He knew that I had three kids and a wife. My wife has gone to church.”
“I shall difide mein pread mit you,” cried Schmucke, in his joy at finding at his side some one who loved Pons.
“I'll share my bread with you,” cried Schmucke, overjoyed to have someone by his side who loved Pons.
“If this gentleman will take a corner of the pall, we shall have all four filled up,” said the master of the ceremonies.
“If this gentleman will hold a corner of the pall, we’ll have all four corners filled,” said the master of ceremonies.
There had been no difficulty over persuading the agent for monuments. He took a corner the more readily when he was shown the handsome pair of gloves which, according to custom, was to be his property.
There was no trouble convincing the monument agent. He accepted the deal more easily when he was offered the nice pair of gloves that, as usual, would belong to him.
“A quarter to eleven! We absolutely must go down. They are waiting for us at the church.”
“A quarter to eleven! We really need to head down. They’re waiting for us at the church.”
The six persons thus assembled went down the staircase.
The six people gathered then went down the stairs.
The cold-blooded lawyer remained a moment to speak to the two women on the landing. “Stop here, and let nobody come in,” he said, “especially if you wish to remain in charge, Mme. Cantinet. Aha! two francs a day, you know!”
The ruthless lawyer paused for a moment to talk to the two women on the landing. “Stay here, and don’t let anyone in,” he said, “especially if you want to keep control, Mrs. Cantinet. Aha! Two francs a day, you know!”
By a coincidence in nowise extraordinary in Paris, two hearses were waiting at the door, and two coffins standing under the archway; Cibot’s funeral and the solitary state in which Pons was lying was made even more striking in the street. Schmucke was the only mourner that followed Pons’ coffin; Schmucke, supported by one of the undertaker’s men, for he tottered at every step. From the Rue de Normandie to the Rue d’Orleans and the Church of Saint-Francois the two funerals went between a double row of curious onlookers for everything (as was said before) makes a sensation in the quarter. Every one remarked the splendor of the white funeral car, with a big embroidered P suspended on a hatchment, and the one solitary mourner behind it; while the cheap bier that came after it was followed by an immense crowd. Happily, Schmucke was so bewildered by the throng of idlers and the rows of heads in the windows, that he heard no remarks and only saw the faces through a mist of tears.
By a coincidence that is not unusual in Paris, two hearses were waiting at the door, and two coffins were standing under the archway; Cibot’s funeral and the lonely state of Pons made the scene even more striking in the street. Schmucke was the only mourner following Pons’ coffin, leaning on one of the undertaker’s staff, as he wobbled with each step. From Rue de Normandie to Rue d’Orleans and the Church of Saint-Francois, the two funerals moved between a double line of curious onlookers, because everything (as mentioned before) creates a stir in the neighborhood. Everyone noted the grandeur of the white funeral car, with a large embroidered P hanging on a hatchment, and the one solitary mourner behind it, while the cheap coffin that followed was trailed by a massive crowd. Fortunately, Schmucke was so overwhelmed by the swarm of onlookers and the rows of heads in the windows that he heard no comments and only saw the faces through a blur of tears.
“Oh, it is the nutcracker!” said one, “the musician, you know—”
“Oh, it’s the nutcracker!” said one, “the musician, you know—”
“Who can the pall-bearers be?”
"Who are the pallbearers?"
“Pooh! play-actors.”
“Ugh! actors.”
“I say, just look at poor old Cibot’s funeral. There is one worker the less. What a man! he could never get enough of work!”
“I mean, just look at poor old Cibot’s funeral. There’s one less worker. What a guy! He could never get enough of working!”
“He never went out.”
"He never went out."
“He never kept Saint Monday.”
"He never took a day off."
“How fond he was of his wife!”
“How much he loved his wife!”
“Ah! There is an unhappy woman!”
“Ah! There is an unhappy woman!”
Remonencq walked behind his victim’s coffin. People condoled with him on the loss of his neighbor.
Remonencq walked behind his neighbor’s coffin. People offered their condolences for his loss.
The two funerals reached the church. Cantinet and the doorkeeper saw that no beggars troubled Schmucke. Villemot had given his word that Pons’ heir should be left in peace; he watched over his client, and gave the requisite sums; and Cibot’s humble bier, escorted by sixty or eighty persons, drew all the crowd after it to the cemetery. At the church door Pons’ funeral possession mustered four mourning-coaches, one for the priest and three for the relations; but one only was required, for the representative of the firm of Sonet departed during mass to give notice to his principal that the funeral was on the way, so that the design for the monument might be ready for the survivor at the gates of the cemetery. A single coach sufficed for Fraisier, Villemot, Schmucke, and Topinard; but the remaining two, instead of returning to the undertaker, followed in the procession to Pere-Lachaise—a useless procession, not unfrequently seen; there are always too many coaches when the dead are unknown beyond their own circle and there is no crowd at the funeral. Dear, indeed, the dead must have been in their lifetime if relative or friend will go with them so far as the cemetery in this Paris, where every one would fain have twenty-five hours in the day. But with the coachmen it is different; they lose their tips if they do not make the journey; so, empty or full, the mourning coaches go to the church and cemetery and return to the house for gratuities. A death is a sort of drinking-fountain for an unimagined crowd of thirsty mortals. The attendants at the church, the poor, the undertaker’s men, the drivers and sextons, are creatures like sponges that dip into a hearse and come out again saturated.
The two funerals arrived at the church. Cantinet and the doorkeeper noticed that no beggars bothered Schmucke. Villemot had promised that Pons' heir would be left alone; he kept an eye on his client and provided the necessary funds. Cibot's humble coffin, followed by sixty or eighty people, drew all the attention to the cemetery. At the church entrance, Pons' funeral had four mourning coaches—one for the priest and three for relatives—but only one was needed. The representative from the Sonet firm left during the mass to inform his boss that the funeral was on its way, so the design for the monument could be ready for the survivor at the cemetery gate. One coach was enough for Fraisier, Villemot, Schmucke, and Topinard; however, the other two, instead of going back to the funeral home, followed the procession to Pere-Lachaise—a pointless procession often seen; there are always too many coaches when the deceased are only known within their own circle and there's no crowd at the funeral. The dead must have been very dear in life if relatives or friends are willing to accompany them all the way to the cemetery in this Paris, where everyone wishes for more hours in the day. But for the drivers, it's different; they lose their tips if they don’t make the trip, so whether full or empty, the mourning coaches go to the church and cemetery and then return to the house for gratuities. A death is like a fountain attracting an unimagined crowd of thirsty souls. The people at the church—the poor, the undertaker’s staff, the drivers, and the sextons—are like sponges that soak up from a hearse and come out completely filled.
From the church door, where he was beset with a swarm of beggars (promptly dispersed by the beadle), to Pere-Lachaise, poor Schmucke went as criminals went in old times from the Palais de Justice to the Place de Greve. It was his own funeral that he followed, clinging to Topinard’s hand, to the one living creature besides himself who felt a pang of real regret for Pons’ death.
From the church door, where he was overwhelmed by a crowd of beggars (quickly cleared away by the beadle), to Pere-Lachaise, poor Schmucke walked like criminals used to from the Palais de Justice to the Place de Greve. He was following his own funeral, holding onto Topinard’s hand, the only other person besides himself who truly felt sorry for Pons’ death.
As for Topinard, greatly touched by the honor of the request to act as pall-bearer, content to drive in a carriage, the possessor of a new pair of gloves,—it began to dawn upon him that this was to be one of the great days of his life. Schmucke was driven passively along the road, as some unlucky calf is driven in a butcher’s cart to the slaughter-house. Fraisier and Villemot sat with their backs to the horses. Now, as those know whose sad fortune it has been to accompany many of their friends to their last resting-place, all hypocrisy breaks down in the coach during the journey (often a very long one) from the church to the eastern cemetery, to that one of the burying-grounds of Paris in which all vanities, all kinds of display, are met, so rich is it in sumptuous monuments. On these occasions those who feel least begin to talk soonest, and in the end the saddest listen, and their thoughts are diverted.
As for Topinard, deeply moved by the honor of being asked to be a pallbearer and happy to ride in a carriage, now wearing a new pair of gloves, he started to realize that this was going to be one of the significant days of his life. Schmucke was carried along the road passively, like an unfortunate calf being taken in a butcher's cart to the slaughterhouse. Fraisier and Villemot sat facing away from the horses. Those who have sadly had to accompany many of their friends to their final resting place know that all pretense falls away during the ride (often a very long one) from the church to the eastern cemetery, one of the burial grounds in Paris that is filled with all sorts of vanity and ostentation, so rich it is in grand monuments. On these occasions, those who feel the least tend to start talking the most, and in the end, it's the saddest who listen and find their thoughts distracted.
“M. le President had already started for the Court.” Fraisier told Villemot, “and I did not think it necessary to tear him away from business; he would have come too late, in any case. He is the next-of-kin; but as he has been disinherited, and M. Schmucke gets everything, I thought that if his legal representative were present it would be enough.”
“M. le President had already left for the Court,” Fraisier told Villemot, “and I didn’t think it was necessary to pull him away from his work; he would have arrived too late anyway. He is the closest relative, but since he has been disinherited and M. Schmucke inherits everything, I figured that having his legal representative there would be sufficient.”
Topinard lent an ear to this.
Topinard heard this.
“Who was the queer customer that took the fourth corner?” continued Fraisier.
“Who was the unusual customer that took the fourth corner?” continued Fraisier.
“He is an agent for a firm of monumental stone-masons. He would like an order for a tomb, on which he proposes to put three sculptured marble figures—Music, Painting, and Sculpture shedding tears over the deceased.”
“He works for a company of stone masons. He’s hoping to get an order for a tomb, on which he plans to include three carved marble figures—Music, Painting, and Sculpture, all weeping for the deceased.”
“It is an idea,” said Fraisier; “the old gentleman certainly deserved that much; but the monument would cost seven or eight hundred francs.”
“It’s an idea,” said Fraisier; “the old man definitely deserves that much; but the monument would cost seven or eight hundred francs.”
“Oh! quite that!”
“Oh! Absolutely!”
“If M. Schmucke gives the order, it cannot affect the estate. You might eat up a whole property with such expenses.”
“If Mr. Schmucke gives the order, it won't impact the estate. You could drain an entire property with those costs.”
“There would be a lawsuit, but you would gain it—”
“There would be a lawsuit, but you would win it—”
“Very well,” said Fraisier, “then it will be his affair.—It would be a nice practical joke to play upon the monument-makers,” Fraisier added in Villemot’s ear; “for if the will is upset (and I can answer for that), or if there is no will at all, who would pay them?”
“Alright,” said Fraisier, “then it will be his problem.—It would be a great prank to pull on the monument-makers,” Fraisier whispered to Villemot; “because if the will is overturned (and I can guarantee that), or if there’s no will at all, who would end up paying them?”
Villemot grinned like a monkey, and the pair began to talk confidentially, lowering their voices; but the man from the theatre, with his wits and senses sharpened in the world behind the scenes, could guess at the nature of their discourse; in spite of the rumbling of the carriage and other hindrances, he began to understand that these representatives of justice were scheming to plunge poor Schmucke into difficulties; and when at last he heard the ominous word “Clichy,” the honest and loyal servitor of the stage made up his mind to watch over Pons’ friend.
Villemot grinned like a monkey, and the two started talking confidentially, lowering their voices. But the guy from the theater, with his keen instincts honed from backstage experiences, could sense what they were discussing. Despite the rumbling of the carriage and other distractions, he began to realize that these representatives of justice were plotting to get poor Schmucke into trouble. And when he finally heard the suspicious word “Clichy,” the honest and loyal servant of the stage decided he needed to keep an eye on Pons’ friend.
At the cemetery, where three square yards of ground had been purchased through the good offices of the firm of Sonet (Villemot having announced Schmucke’s intention of erecting a magnificent monument), the master of ceremonies led Schmucke through a curious crowd to the grave into which Pons’ coffin was about to be lowered; but here, at the sight of the square hole, the four men waiting with ropes to lower the bier, and the clergy saying the last prayer for the dead at the grave-side, something clutched tightly at the German’s heart. He fainted away.
At the cemetery, where three square yards of ground had been bought through the help of the Sonet firm (Villemot had informed Schmucke about his plan to build a magnificent monument), the master of ceremonies guided Schmucke through an odd crowd to the grave where Pons’ coffin was about to be lowered. But at the sight of the square hole, the four men waiting with ropes to lower the coffin, and the clergy saying the final prayer for the dead at the graveside, something gripped the German’s heart. He fainted.
Sonet’s agent and M. Sonet himself came to help Topinard to carry poor Schmucke into the marble-works hard by, where Mme. Sonet and Mme. Vitelot (Sonet’s partner’s wife) were eagerly prodigal of efforts to revive him. Topinard stayed. He had seen Fraisier in conversation with Sonet’s agent, and Fraisier, in his opinion, had gallows-bird written on his face.
Sonet’s agent and M. Sonet himself came to help Topinard carry poor Schmucke into the nearby marble works, where Mme. Sonet and Mme. Vitelot (Sonet’s partner’s wife) were eagerly doing everything they could to revive him. Topinard stayed. He had seen Fraisier talking with Sonet’s agent, and in his opinion, Fraisier had a shady look about him.
An hour later, towards half-past two o’clock, the poor, innocent German came to himself. Schmucke thought that he had been dreaming for the past two days; if he could only wake, he should find Pons still alive. So many wet towels had been laid on his forehead, he had been made to inhale salts and vinegar to such an extent, that he opened his eyes at last. Mme. Sonet make him take some meat-soup, for they had put the pot on the fire at the marble-works.
An hour later, around 2:30, the poor, innocent German came to. Schmucke thought he had been dreaming for the past two days; if he could just wake up, he would find Pons still alive. So many wet towels had been placed on his forehead, and he had been made to inhale salts and vinegar so much that he finally opened his eyes. Mme. Sonet made him eat some meat soup since they had put the pot on the fire at the marble works.
“Our clients do not often take things to heart like this; still, it happens once in a year or two—”
“Our clients don’t usually take things to heart like this; still, it happens once a year or two—”
At last Schmucke talked of returning to the Rue de Normandie, and at this Sonet began at once.
At last, Schmucke mentioned going back to Rue de Normandie, and Sonet immediately started.
“Here is the design, sir,” he said; “Vitelot drew it expressly for you, and sat up last night to do it.... And he has been happily inspired, it will look fine—”
“Here’s the design, sir,” he said; “Vitelot created it just for you and stayed up all night to finish it.... He’s really been inspired; it’s going to look great—”
“One of the finest in Pere-Lachaise!” said the little Mme. Sonet. “But you really ought to honor the memory of a friend who left you all his fortune.”
“One of the best in Pere-Lachaise!” said the little Mme. Sonet. “But you really should pay tribute to the memory of a friend who left you all his fortune.”
The design, supposed to have been drawn on purpose, had, as a matter of fact, been prepared for de Marsay, the famous cabinet minister. His widow, however, had given the commission to Stidmann; people were disgusted with the tawdriness of the project, and it was refused. The three figures at that period represented the three days of July which brought the eminent minister to power. Subsequently, Sonet and Vitelot had turned the Three Glorious Days—“les trois glorieuses”—into the Army, Finance, and the Family, and sent in the design for the sepulchre of the late lamented Charles Keller; and here again Stidmann took the commission. In the eleven years that followed, the sketch had been modified to suit all kinds of requirements, and now in Vitelot’s fresh tracing they reappeared as Music, Sculpture, and Painting.
The design, initially intended to be created specifically, had actually been made for de Marsay, the well-known cabinet minister. However, his widow gave the commission to Stidmann; people were appalled by the cheapness of the project, and it was rejected. At that time, the three figures represented the three days of July that brought the prominent minister to power. Later, Sonet and Vitelot transformed the Three Glorious Days—“les trois glorieuses”—into the Army, Finance, and the Family, and submitted the design for the tomb of the dearly missed Charles Keller; once again, Stidmann got the commission. In the eleven years that followed, the sketch was altered to meet various needs, and now in Vitelot’s new drawing, they were represented as Music, Sculpture, and Painting.
“It is a mere trifle when you think of the details and cost of setting it up; for it will take six months,” said Vitelot. “Here is the estimate and the order-form—seven thousand francs, sketch in plaster not included.”
“It’s just a small thing when you consider the details and the cost of setting it up; it’ll take six months,” said Vitelot. “Here’s the estimate and the order form—seven thousand francs, plaster sketch not included.”
“If M. Schmucke would like marble,” put in Sonet (marble being his special department), “it would cost twelve thousand francs, and monsieur would immortalize himself as well as his friend.”
“If M. Schmucke wants marble,” Sonet interjected (as marble was his specialty), “it would cost twelve thousand francs, and sir would immortalize himself along with his friend.”
Topinard turned to Vitelot.
Topinard faced Vitelot.
“I have just heard that they are going to dispute the will,” he whispered, “and the relatives are likely to come by their property. Go and speak to M. Camusot, for this poor, harmless creature has not a farthing.”
“I just heard that they’re going to challenge the will,” he whispered, “and the relatives are likely to end up with the property. Go talk to M. Camusot, because this poor, innocent person doesn’t have a dime.”
“This is the kind of customer that you always bring us,” said Mme. Vitelot, beginning a quarrel with the agent.
“This is the type of customer you always bring us,” said Mme. Vitelot, starting an argument with the agent.
Topinard led Schmucke away, and they returned home on foot to the Rue de Normandie, for the mourning-coaches had been sent back.
Topinard took Schmucke away, and they walked home to the Rue de Normandie, since the mourning coaches had been sent back.
“Do not leaf me,” Schmucke said, when Topinard had seen him safe into Mme. Sauvage’s hands, and wanted to go.
“Don’t leave me,” Schmucke said, when Topinard had made sure he was safely with Mme. Sauvage and wanted to go.
“It is four o’clock, dear M. Schmucke. I must go home to dinner. My wife is a box-opener—she will not know what has become of me. The theatre opens at a quarter to six, you know.”
“It’s four o’clock, dear M. Schmucke. I need to go home for dinner. My wife is a box-opener—she won’t know what has happened to me. The theater starts at a quarter to six, you know.”
“Yes, I know... but remember dat I am alone in die earth, dat I haf no friend. You dat haf shed a tear for Bons enliden me; I am in teep tarkness, und Bons said dat I vas in der midst of shcoundrels.”
“Yes, I know... but remember that I am alone in this world, that I have no friend. You who have shed a tear for Bons have comforted me; I am in deep darkness, and Bons said that I was in the midst of scoundrels.”
“I have seen that plainly already; I have just prevented them from sending you to Clichy.”
“I’ve already seen that clearly; I just stopped them from sending you to Clichy.”
“Gligy!” repeated Schmucke; “I do not understand.”
“Gligy!” Schmucke repeated, “I don’t get it.”
“Poor man! Well, never mind, I will come to you. Good-bye.”
“Poor guy! Well, it’s okay, I’ll come to you. Bye.”
“Goot-bye; komm again soon,” said Schmucke, dropping half-dead with weariness.
“Goodbye; come again soon,” said Schmucke, collapsing with exhaustion.
“Good-bye, mosieu,” said Mme. Sauvage, and there was something in her tone that struck Topinard.
“Goodbye, sir,” said Mme. Sauvage, and there was something in her tone that caught Topinard's attention.
“Oh, come, what is the matter now?” he asked, banteringly. “You are attitudinizing like a traitor in a melodrama.”
“Oh, come on, what's the problem now?” he asked teasingly. “You're acting all dramatic like a traitor in a soap opera.”
“Traitor yourself! Why have you come meddling here? Do you want to have a hand in the master’s affairs, and swindle him, eh?”
“Betray yourself! Why are you interfering here? Do you want to get involved in the boss’s business and rip him off, huh?”
“Swindle him!... Your very humble servant!” Topinard answered with superb disdain. “I am only a poor super at a theatre, but I am something of an artist, and you may as well know that I never asked anything of anybody yet! Who asked anything of you? Who owes you anything? eh, old lady!”
“Swindle him!... Your very humble servant!” Topinard replied with complete disdain. “I’m just a lowly extra at a theater, but I consider myself somewhat of an artist, and you should know that I’ve never asked anyone for anything! Who’s ever asked anything of you? Who owes you anything? Huh, old lady!”
“You are employed at a theatre, and your name is—?”
“You work at a theater, and your name is—?”
“Topinard, at your service.”
"Topinard, at your service."
“Kind regards to all at home,” said La Sauvage, “and my compliments to your missus, if you are married, mister.... That was all I wanted to know.”
“Best wishes to everyone back home,” said La Sauvage, “and say hi to your wife, if you’re married, sir.... That’s all I needed to know.”
“Why, what is the matter, dear?” asked Mme. Cantinet, coming out.
“What's wrong, dear?” asked Mme. Cantinet, stepping outside.
“This, child—stop here and look after the dinner while I run round to speak to monsieur.”
“This, kid—stay here and take care of dinner while I go talk to the guy.”
“He is down below, talking with poor Mme. Cibot, that is crying her eyes out,” said Mme. Cantinet.
“He's downstairs, talking to poor Mme. Cibot, who is crying her eyes out,” said Mme. Cantinet.
La Sauvage dashed down in such headlong haste that the stairs trembled beneath her tread.
La Sauvage rushed down so quickly that the stairs shook under her footsteps.
“Monsieur!” she called, and drew him aside a few paces to point out Topinard.
“Mister!” she called, pulling him aside for a moment to point out Topinard.
Topinard was just going away, proud at heart to have made some return already to the man who had done him so many kindnesses. He had saved Pons’ friend from a trap, by a stratagem from that world behind the scenes in which every one has more or less ready wit. And within himself he vowed to protect a musician in his orchestra from future snares set for his simple sincerity.
Topinard was just leaving, feeling proud to have already given something back to the man who had been so kind to him. He had saved Pons' friend from a trap using a clever trick from that hidden world where everyone has some level of quick thinking. And to himself, he promised to protect a musician in his orchestra from any future traps aimed at his genuine sincerity.
“Do you see that little wretch?” said La Sauvage. “He is a kind of honest man that has a mind to poke his nose into M. Schmucke’s affairs.”
“Do you see that little brat?” said La Sauvage. “He’s the kind of guy who feels the need to stick his nose into M. Schmucke’s business.”
“Who is he?” asked Fraisier.
“Who’s he?” asked Fraisier.
“Oh! he is a nobody.”
“Oh! he’s a nobody.”
“In business there is no such thing as a nobody.”
“In business, there’s no such thing as a nobody.”
“Oh, he is employed at the theatre,” said she; “his name is Topinard.”
“Oh, he works at the theater,” she said; “his name is Topinard.”
“Good, Mme. Sauvage! Go on like this, and you shall have your tobacconist’s shop.”
“Great job, Madame Sauvage! Keep it up, and you’ll have your own tobacco shop.”
And Fraisier resumed his conversation with Mme. Cibot.
And Fraisier continued his conversation with Mme. Cibot.
“So I say, my dear client, that you have not played openly and above-board with me, and that one is not bound in any way to a partner who cheats.”
“So I say, my dear client, that you haven't been honest and straightforward with me, and that no one is obligated in any way to a partner who cheats.”
“And how have I cheated you?” asked La Cibot, hands on hips. “Do you think that you will frighten me with your sour looks and your frosty airs? You look about for bad reasons for breaking your promises, and you call yourself an honest man! Do you know what you are? You are a blackguard! Yes! yes! scratch your arm; but just pocket that—”
“And how have I cheated you?” La Cibot asked, hands on her hips. “Do you think you can scare me with your grumpy expressions and cold attitude? You search for excuses to break your promises, and you think of yourself as an honest man! Do you even know what you are? You’re a scoundrel! Yes! yes! go ahead and scratch your arm; but just keep that to yourself—”
“No words, and keep your temper, dearie. Listen to me. You have been feathering your nest.... I found this catalogue this morning while we were getting ready for the funeral; it is all in M. Pons’ handwriting, and made out in duplicate. And as it chanced, my eyes fell on this—”
“No words, and keep your cool, sweetheart. Listen to me. You have been setting things up for yourself.... I found this catalog this morning while we were preparing for the funeral; it’s all in M. Pons’ handwriting and done in duplicate. And as luck would have it, my eyes landed on this—”
And opening the catalogue, he read:
And as he opened the catalog, he read:
“No. 7. Magnificent portrait painted on marble, by Sebastian del Piombo, in 1546. Sold by a family who had it removed from Terni Cathedral. The picture, which represents a Knight-Templar kneeling in prayer, used to hang above a tomb of the Rossi family with a companion portrait of a Bishop, afterwards purchased by an Englishman. The portrait might be attributed to Raphael, but for the date. This example is, to my mind, superior to the portrait of Baccio Bandinelli in the Musee; the latter is a little hard, while the Templar, being painted upon ‘lavagna,’ or slate, has preserved its freshness of coloring.”
“No. 7. Stunning portrait painted on marble by Sebastian del Piombo in 1546. Sold by a family who had it taken from Terni Cathedral. The painting, which shows a Knight-Templar kneeling in prayer, used to hang above the tomb of the Rossi family alongside a companion portrait of a Bishop, which was later bought by an Englishman. This portrait could be credited to Raphael, if not for the date. In my opinion, this piece is better than the portrait of Baccio Bandinelli in the Musee; the latter feels a bit harsh, while the Templar, painted on 'lavagna,' or slate, has maintained its vibrant colors.”
“When I come to look for No. 7,” continued Fraisier, “I find a portrait of a lady, signed ‘Chardin,’ without a number on it! I went through the pictures with the catalogue while the master of ceremonies was making up the number of pall-bearers, and found that eight of those indicated as works of capital importance by M. Pons had disappeared, and eight paintings of no special merit, and without numbers, were there instead.... And finally, one was missing altogether, a little panel-painting by Metzu, described in the catalogue as a masterpiece.”
“When I came to look for No. 7,” continued Fraisier, “I found a portrait of a lady, signed ‘Chardin,’ but it didn’t have a number! I went through the pictures with the catalog while the master of ceremonies was organizing the number of pall-bearers, and I noticed that eight of the pieces marked as extremely important by M. Pons had gone missing, replaced by eight paintings of no special value, which also didn’t have numbers…. And finally, one was completely missing, a small panel painting by Metzu, described in the catalog as a masterpiece.”
“And was I in charge of the pictures?” demanded La Cibot.
“And was I in charge of the pictures?” La Cibot asked.
“No; but you were in a position of trust. You were M. Pons’ housekeeper, you looked after his affairs, and he has been robbed—”
“No; but you were in a position of trust. You were M. Pons’ housekeeper, you took care of his affairs, and he has been robbed—”
“Robbed! Let me tell you this, sir: M. Schmucke sold the pictures, by M. Pons’ orders, to meet expenses.”
“Robbed! Let me tell you this, sir: M. Schmucke sold the paintings, by M. Pons’ orders, to cover expenses.”
“And to whom?”
“And to who?”
“To Messrs. Elie Magus and Remonencq.”
“To Messrs. Elie Magus and Remonencq.”
“For how much?”
"How much is it?"
“I am sure I do not remember.”
“I definitely don’t remember.”
“Look here, my dear madame; you have been feathering your nest, and very snugly. I shall keep an eye upon you; I have you safe. Help me, I will say nothing! In any case, you know that since you deemed it expedient to plunder M. le President Camusot, you ought not to expect anything from him.”
“Listen, my dear madam; you've been making yourself quite comfortable. I'll be watching you; you're under my control. If you help me, I won't say a word! Anyway, you know that since you decided it was a good idea to take from M. le President Camusot, you shouldn't expect anything from him.”
“I was sure that this would all end in smoke, for me,” said La Cibot, mollified by the words “I will say nothing.”
“I was sure that this would all end badly for me,” said La Cibot, feeling reassured by the words “I will say nothing.”
Remonencq chimed in at this point.
Remonencq spoke up at this point.
“Here are you finding fault with Mme. Cibot; that is not right!” he said. “The pictures were sold by private treaty between M. Pons, M. Magus, and me. We waited for three days before we came to terms with the deceased; he slept on his pictures. We took receipts in proper form; and if we gave Madame Cibot a few forty-franc pieces, it is the custom of the trade—we always do so in private houses when we conclude a bargain. Ah! my dear sir, if you think to cheat a defenceless woman, you will not make a good bargain! Do you understand, master lawyer?—M. Magus rules the market, and if you do not come down off the high horse, if you do not keep your word to Mme. Cibot, I shall wait till the collection is sold, and you shall see what you will lose if you have M. Magus and me against you; we can get the dealers in a ring. Instead of realizing seven or eight hundred thousand francs, you will not so much as make two hundred thousand.”
“Here you are criticizing Mme. Cibot; that’s not fair!” he said. “The paintings were sold through a private agreement between M. Pons, M. Magus, and me. We waited three days before we reached an agreement with the deceased; he held onto his paintings. We took care of the receipts properly; and if we handed Madame Cibot a few forty-franc coins, that’s just how things are done in the business—we always do this in private transactions when we finalize a deal. Ah! my dear sir, if you think you can take advantage of a defenseless woman, you will not end up with a great deal! Do you get it, master lawyer?—M. Magus dominates the market, and if you don’t stop acting so high and mighty, if you don’t keep your promise to Mme. Cibot, I’ll wait until the collection is sold, and you’ll see what you’ll lose if you have M. Magus and me against you; we can rally the dealers together. Instead of getting seven or eight hundred thousand francs, you won’t even make two hundred thousand.”
“Good, good, we shall see. We are not going to sell; or if we do, it will be in London.”
“Alright, we’ll see. We're not going to sell; or if we do, it’ll be in London.”
“We know London,” said Remonencq. “M. Magus is as powerful there as at Paris.”
“We know London,” said Remonencq. “Mr. Magus is just as powerful there as he is in Paris.”
“Good-day, madame; I shall sift these matters to the bottom,” said Fraisier—“unless you continue to do as I tell you” he added.
“Good day, ma'am; I will get to the bottom of these issues,” said Fraisier—“unless you keep following my instructions,” he added.
“You little pickpocket!—”
"You little thief!"
“Take care! I shall be a justice of the peace before long.” And with threats understood to the full upon either side, they separated.
“Be careful! I’ll be a justice of the peace before you know it.” And with threats clearly understood on both sides, they parted ways.
“Thank you, Remonencq!” said La Cibot; “it is very pleasant to a poor widow to find a champion.”
“Thank you, Remonencq!” said La Cibot; “it's really nice for a poor widow to have a supporter.”
Towards ten o’clock that evening, Gaudissart sent for Topinard. The manager was standing with his back to the fire, in a Napoleonic attitude—a trick which he had learned since be began to command his army of actors, dancers, figurants, musicians, and stage carpenters. He grasped his left-hand brace with his right hand, always thrust into his waistcoat; the head was flung far back, his eyes gazed out into space.
Towards ten o’clock that evening, Gaudissart called for Topinard. The manager stood with his back to the fire, striking a Napoleonic pose—a move he had picked up since he started leading his army of actors, dancers, figurants, musicians, and stage carpenters. He held his left-hand brace with his right hand, which was always tucked into his waistcoat; his head was thrown back, and his eyes were staring off into the distance.
“Ah! I say, Topinard, have you independent means?”
“Ah! I’m asking you, Topinard, do you have your own money?”
“No, sir.”
“No, thanks.”
“Are you on the lookout to better yourself somewhere else?”
“Are you looking to improve yourself somewhere else?”
“No, sir—” said Topinard, with a ghastly countenance.
“No, sir—” said Topinard, with a pale face.
“Why, hang it all, your wife takes the first row of boxes out of respect to my predecessor, who came to grief; I gave you the job of cleaning the lamps in the wings in the daytime, and you put out the scores. And that is not all, either. You get twenty sous for acting monsters and managing devils when a hell is required. There is not a super that does not covet your post, and there are those that are jealous of you, my friend; you have enemies in the theatre.”
“Why, for goodness' sake, your wife clears the first row of seats out of respect for my predecessor, who messed up; I assigned you the task of cleaning the lamps in the wings during the day, and you ended up ruining the scores. And that's not all. You earn twenty sous for playing monsters and handling demons whenever a scene calls for it. There isn't a stagehand who doesn't want your job, and there are some who are envious of you, my friend; you have rivals in the theater.”
“Enemies!” repeated Topinard.
"Enemies!" Topinard repeated.
“And you have three children; the oldest takes children’s parts at fifty centimes—”
“And you have three kids; the oldest plays child roles for fifty centimes—”
“Sir!—”
“Excuse me!”
“You want to meddle in other people’s business, and put your finger into a will case.—Why, you wretched man, you would be crushed like an egg-shell! My patron is His Excellency, Monseigneur le Comte Popinot, a clever man and a man of high character, whom the King in his wisdom has summoned back to the privy council. This statesman, this great politician, has married his eldest son to a daughter of M. le President de Marville, one of the foremost men among the high courts of justice; one of the leading lights of the law-courts. Do you know the law-courts? Very good. Well, he is cousin and heir to M. Pons, to our old conductor whose funeral you attended this morning. I do not blame you for going to pay the last respects to him, poor man.... But if you meddle in M. Schmucke’s affairs, you will lose your place. I wish very well to M. Schmucke, but he is in a delicate position with regard to the heirs—and as the German is almost nothing to me, and the President and Count Popinot are a great deal, I recommend you to leave the worthy German to get out of his difficulties by himself. There is a special Providence that watches over Germans, and the part of deputy guardian-angel would not suit you at all. Do you see? Stay as you are—you cannot do better.”
“You want to get involved in other people's business and stick your nose into a will case. Look, you pitiful man, you'd be crushed like an eggshell! My patron is His Excellency, Monseigneur le Comte Popinot, a smart guy with a solid reputation, whom the King has wisely called back to the privy council. This statesman, this great politician, has married his eldest son to the daughter of M. le President de Marville, one of the top figures in the high courts of justice, one of the shining stars in the law courts. Do you know the law courts? Great. Well, he is the cousin and heir of M. Pons, our old conductor whose funeral you went to this morning. I don’t blame you for paying your last respects to him, poor guy... But if you get involved in M. Schmucke’s business, you’ll lose your job. I genuinely wish M. Schmucke well, but he’s in a tricky spot concerning the heirs—and since the German means almost nothing to me, while the President and Count Popinot mean a lot, I suggest you let the decent German handle his own troubles. There’s a special Providence that looks out for Germans, and playing the role of deputy guardian angel wouldn’t suit you at all. Do you understand? Stay as you are—you can’t do any better.”
“Very good, monsieur le directeur,” said Topinard, much distressed. And in this way Schmucke lost the protector sent to him by fate, the one creature that shed a tear for Pons, the poor super for whose return he looked on the morrow.
“Very good, sir,” said Topinard, quite upset. And with that, Schmucke lost the protector fate had sent him, the only being who shed a tear for Pons, the poor superintendent whom he expected to return the next day.
Next morning poor Schmucke awoke to a sense of his great and heavy loss. He looked round the empty rooms. Yesterday and the day before yesterday the preparations for the funeral had made a stir and bustle which distracted his eyes; but the silence which follows the day, when the friend, father, son, or loved wife has been laid in the grave—the dull, cold silence of the morrow is terrible, is glacial. Some irresistible force drew him to Pons’ chamber, but the sight of it was more than the poor man could bear; he shrank away and sat down in the dining-room, where Mme. Sauvage was busy making breakfast ready.
Next morning, poor Schmucke woke up feeling the weight of his great loss. He looked around the empty rooms. The day before and the day before that, the preparations for the funeral had created a flurry of activity that distracted him; but the silence that follows the day when a friend, father, son, or beloved wife is laid to rest—the dull, cold silence of the next day is awful, chilling. An unstoppable force pulled him to Pons’ room, but the sight of it was more than he could handle; he recoiled and sat down in the dining room, where Mme. Sauvage was busy getting breakfast ready.
Schmucke drew his chair to the table, but he could eat nothing. A sudden, somewhat sharp ringing of the door-bell rang through the house, and Mme. Cantinet and Mme. Sauvage allowed three black-coated personages to pass. First came Vitel, the justice of the peace, with his highly respectable clerk; third was Fraisier, neither sweeter nor milder for the disappointing discovery of a valid will canceling the formidable instrument so audaciously stolen by him.
Schmucke pulled his chair up to the table, but he couldn't eat anything. A sudden, somewhat sharp ring from the doorbell echoed through the house, and Mme. Cantinet and Mme. Sauvage let three men in black coats pass. First was Vitel, the justice of the peace, accompanied by his very respectable clerk; the third was Fraisier, who was neither kinder nor gentler after the disappointing revelation of a valid will that canceled the daunting document he had so boldly stolen.
“We have come to affix seals on the property,” the justice of the peace said gently, addressing Schmucke. But the remark was Greek to Schmucke; he gazed in dismay at his three visitors.
“We're here to put seals on the property,” the justice of the peace said kindly, talking to Schmucke. But the comment made no sense to Schmucke; he looked at his three visitors in confusion.
“We have come at the request of M. Fraisier, legal representative of M. Camusot de Marville, heir of the late Pons—” added the clerk.
“We have come at the request of Mr. Fraisier, the legal representative of Mr. Camusot de Marville, heir of the late Pons—” added the clerk.
“The collection is here in this great room, and in the bedroom of the deceased,” remarked Fraisier.
“The collection is here in this impressive room, and in the bedroom of the deceased,” said Fraisier.
“Very well, let us go into the next room.—Pardon us, sir; do not let us interrupt with your breakfast.”
"Sure, let's head into the next room. — Sorry to interrupt, sir; please don't let us disturb your breakfast."
The invasion struck an icy chill of terror into poor Schmucke. Fraisier’s venomous glances seemed to possess some magnetic influence over his victims, like the power of a spider over a fly.
The invasion sent a cold wave of fear through poor Schmucke. Fraisier’s toxic stares had a strange magnetic hold over his victims, much like a spider’s power over a fly.
“M. Schmucke understood how to turn a will, made in the presence of a notary, to his own advantage,” he said, “and he surely must have expected some opposition from the family. A family does not allow itself to be plundered by a stranger without some protest; and we shall see, sir, which carries the day—fraud and corruption or the rightful heirs.... We have a right as next of kin to affix seals, and seals shall be affixed. I mean to see that the precaution is taken with the utmost strictness.”
“M. Schmucke knew how to manipulate a will, signed in front of a notary, to his benefit,” he said, “and he definitely must have anticipated some pushback from the family. A family doesn’t let a stranger rob them without raising a fuss; and we’ll see, sir, which side wins—fraud and deceit or the rightful heirs.... We have the right as next of kin to put seals on this, and seals will be put on. I plan to ensure that this precaution is taken very seriously.”
“Ach, mein Gott! how haf I offended against Hefn?” cried the innocent Schmucke.
“Ah, my God! How have I offended against Heaven?” cried the innocent Schmucke.
“There is a good deal of talk about you in the house,” said La Sauvage. “While you were asleep, a little whipper-snapper in a black suit came here, a puppy that said he was M. Hannequin’s head-clerk, and must see you at all costs; but as you were asleep and tired out with the funeral yesterday, I told him that M. Villemot, Tabareau’s head-clerk, was acting for you, and if it was a matter of business, I said, he might speak to M. Villemot. ‘Ah, so much the better!’ the youngster said. ‘I shall come to an understanding with him. We will deposit the will at the Tribunal, after showing it to the President.’ So at that, I told him to ask M. Villemot to come here as soon as he could.—Be easy, my dear sir, there are those that will take care of you. They shall not shear the fleece off your back. You will have some one that has beak and claws. M. Villemot will give them a piece of his mind. I have put myself in a passion once already with that abominable hussy, La Cibot, a porter’s wife that sets up to judge her lodgers, forsooth, and insists that you have filched the money from the heirs; you locked M. Pons up, she says, and worked upon him till he was stark, staring mad. She got as good as she gave, though, the wretched woman. ‘You are a thief and a bad lot,’ I told her; ‘you will get into the police-courts for all the things that you have stolen from the gentlemen,’ and she shut up.”
“There's been a lot of chatter about you in the house,” La Sauvage said. “While you were asleep, a young guy in a black suit came here, a kid claiming to be M. Hannequin’s head clerk, insisting he must see you no matter what; but since you were asleep and worn out from the funeral yesterday, I told him that M. Villemot, Tabareau’s head clerk, was handling things for you, and if it was a business matter, he could talk to M. Villemot. ‘Oh, that's great!’ the kid said. ‘I’ll sort it out with him. We'll submit the will to the Tribunal after showing it to the President.’ So, I told him to ask M. Villemot to come here as soon as he could. —Don’t worry, my dear sir, there are people who will look out for you. They won’t take advantage of you. You’ll have someone with backbone. M. Villemot will give them a piece of his mind. I already got worked up once with that awful woman, La Cibot, the porter’s wife who thinks she can judge her tenants, insisting that you stole money from the heirs; she claims you locked M. Pons away and drove him mad. She got back what she dished out, though, the miserable woman. ‘You’re a thief and a bad sort,’ I told her; ‘you'll end up in court for all the things you’ve stolen from the gentlemen,’ and she quieted down.”
The clerk came out to speak to Schmucke.
The clerk stepped out to talk to Schmucke.
“Would you wish to be present, sir, when the seals are affixed in the next room?”
“Would you like to be present, sir, when the seals are put on in the next room?”
“Go on, go on,” said Schmucke; “I shall pe allowed to die in beace, I bresume?”
“Go on, go on,” said Schmucke; “I should be allowed to die in peace, I assume?”
“Oh, under any circumstances a man has a right to die,” the clerk answered, laughing; “most of our business relates to wills. But, in my experience, the universal legatee very seldom follows the testator to the tomb.”
“Oh, no matter what, a man has the right to die,” the clerk replied, laughing; “most of our work is about wills. But in my experience, the universal heir rarely goes to the grave with the person who wrote the will.”
“I am going,” said Schmucke. Blow after blow had given him an intolerable pain at the heart.
“I’m leaving,” said Schmucke. One blow after another had caused him unbearable pain in his heart.
“Oh! here comes M. Villemot!” exclaimed La Sauvage.
“Oh! Here comes M. Villemot!” exclaimed La Sauvage.
“Mennesir Fillemod,” said poor Schmucke, “rebresent me.”
“Mennesir Fillemod,” said poor Schmucke, “represent me.”
“I hurried here at once,” said Villemot. “I have come to tell you that the will is completely in order; it will certainly be confirmed by the court, and you will be put in possession. You will have a fine fortune.”
“I rushed over as soon as I could,” said Villemot. “I’m here to let you know that the will is totally in order; it will definitely be approved by the court, and you’ll take possession. You’re going to have a great fortune.”
“I? Ein fein vordune?” cried Schmucke, despairingly. That he of all men should be suspected of caring for the money!
“I? A fine thing indeed?” cried Schmucke, despairingly. That he, of all people, should be suspected of caring about money!
“And meantime what is the justice of the peace doing here with his wax candles and his bits of tape?” asked La Sauvage.
“And in the meantime, what’s the justice of the peace doing here with his wax candles and his bits of tape?” asked La Sauvage.
“Oh, he is affixing seals.... Come, M. Schmucke, you have a right to be present.”
“Oh, he’s putting on seals.... Come on, M. Schmucke, you should be here.”
“No—go in yourself.”
“No—go in by yourself.”
“But where is the use of the seals if M. Schmucke is in his own house and everything belongs to him?” asked La Sauvage, doing justice in feminine fashion, and interpreting the Code according to their fancy, like one and all of her sex.
“But what’s the point of the seals if M. Schmucke is in his own house and everything belongs to him?” asked La Sauvage, making her case in a typically feminine way, interpreting the Code however she liked, just like all the other women.
“M. Schmucke is not in possession, madame; he is in M. Pons’ house. Everything will be his, no doubt; but the legatee cannot take possession without an authorization—an order from the Tribunal. And if the next-of-kin set aside by the testator should dispute the order, a lawsuit is the result. And as nobody knows what may happen, everything is sealed up, and the notaries representing either side proceed to draw up an inventory during the delay prescribed by the law.... And there you are!”
“M. Schmucke isn't in charge, ma'am; he's in M. Pons' house. Everything will belong to him, no doubt; but the heir can’t take possession without permission—an order from the court. If the relatives excluded by the deceased challenge the order, it leads to a lawsuit. And since no one knows what might happen, everything is put on hold, and the notaries representing each side start preparing an inventory during the legally required waiting period.... And there you go!”
Schmucke, hearing such talk for the first time in his life, was completely bewildered by it; his head sank down upon the back of his chair—he could not support it, it had grown so heavy.
Schmucke, hearing this kind of talk for the first time in his life, was totally confused by it; his head dropped back against the chair—he couldn’t hold it up, it had become so heavy.
Villemot meanwhile went off to chat with the justice of the peace and his clerk, assisting with professional coolness to affix the seals—a ceremony which always involves some buffoonery and plentiful comments on the objects thus secured, unless, indeed, one of the family happens to be present. At length the party sealed up the chamber and returned to the dining-room, whither the clerk betook himself. Schmucke watched the mechanical operation which consists in setting the justice’s seal at either end of a bit of tape stretched across the opening of a folding-door; or, in the case of a cupboard or ordinary door, from edge to edge above the door-handle.
Villemot went off to chat with the justice of the peace and his clerk, helping with a professional calm to affix the seals—a process that always comes with some silliness and plenty of remarks about the items being secured, unless, of course, a family member is present. Eventually, the group sealed up the room and headed back to the dining room, where the clerk followed. Schmucke observed the mechanical process of placing the justice’s seal at either end of a piece of tape stretched across the opening of a folding door; or, in the case of a cupboard or regular door, from edge to edge above the door handle.
“Now for this room,” said Fraisier, pointing to Schmucke’s bedroom, which opened into the dining-room.
“Now for this room,” said Fraisier, pointing to Schmucke’s bedroom, which led into the dining room.
“But that is M. Schmucke’s own room,” remonstrated La Sauvage, springing in front of the door.
“But that’s M. Schmucke’s room,” La Sauvage objected, jumping in front of the door.
“We found the lease among the papers,” Fraisier said ruthlessly; “there was no mention of M. Schmucke in it; it is taken out in M. Pons’ name only. The whole place, and every room in it, is a part of the estate. And besides”—flinging open the door—“look here, monsieur le juge de la paix, it is full of pictures.”
“We found the lease among the papers,” Fraisier said coldly; “there’s no mention of M. Schmucke in it; it’s taken out in M. Pons’ name only. The whole place, and every room in it, is part of the estate. And besides”—flinging open the door—“look here, mister justice of the peace, it’s full of pictures.”
“So it is,” answered the justice of the peace, and Fraisier thereupon gained his point.
“So it is,” answered the justice of the peace, and Fraisier then got what he wanted.
“Wait a bit, gentlemen,” said Villemot. “Do you know that you are turning the universal legatee out of doors, and as yet his right has not been called in question?”
“Hold on a second, gentlemen,” said Villemot. “Do you realize that you’re kicking the universal heir outside, and his right hasn’t even been challenged yet?”
“Yes, it has,” said Fraisier; “we are opposing the transfer of the property.”
“Yes, it has,” said Fraisier; “we're opposing the transfer of the property.”
“And upon what grounds?”
“And on what basis?”
“You shall know that by and by, my boy,” Fraisier replied, banteringly. “At this moment, if the legatee withdraws everything that he declares to be his, we shall raise no objections, but the room itself will be sealed. And M. Schmucke may lodge where he pleases.”
“You'll find out soon enough, my boy,” Fraisier replied jokingly. “Right now, if the heir takes everything he claims as his own, we won’t object, but the room itself will be locked up. And Mr. Schmucke can stay wherever he wants.”
“No,” said Villemot; “M. Schmucke is going to stay in his room.”
“No,” said Villemot; “Mr. Schmucke is going to stay in his room.”
“And how?”
"And how is that?"
“I shall demand an immediate special inquiry,” continued Villemot, “and prove that we pay half the rent. You shall not turn us out. Take away the pictures, decide on the ownership of the various articles, but here my client stops—‘my boy.’”
“I’m going to ask for an immediate special inquiry,” Villemot continued, “and prove that we pay half the rent. You can’t kick us out. Take the pictures away, sort out who owns the different items, but my client stops here—‘my boy.’”
“I shall go out!” the old musician suddenly said. He had recovered energy during the odious dispute.
“I’m going out!” the old musician suddenly said. He had regained energy during the awful argument.
“You had better,” said Fraisier. “Your course will save expense to you, for your contention would not be made good. The lease is evidence—”
“You should,” said Fraisier. “Following your plan will save you money, because your argument wouldn’t hold up. The lease is proof—”
“The lease! the lease!” cried Villemot, “it is a question of good faith—”
“The lease! the lease!” shouted Villemot, “it's a matter of good faith—”
“That could only be proved in a criminal case, by calling witnesses.—Do you mean to plunge into experts’ fees and verifications, and orders to show cause why judgment should not be given, and law proceedings generally?”
“That can only be proven in a criminal case by calling witnesses. Do you really want to dive into expert fees and verifications, and requests to explain why a judgment shouldn't be made, along with all the legal proceedings?”
“No, no!” cried Schmucke in dismay. “I shall turn out; I am used to it—”
“No, no!” Schmucke exclaimed in shock. “I’ll manage; I’m used to it—”
In practice Schmucke was a philosopher, an unconscious cynic, so greatly had he simplified his life. Two pairs of shoes, a pair of boots, a couple of suits of clothes, a dozen shirts, a dozen bandana handkerchiefs, four waistcoats, a superb pipe given to him by Pons, with an embroidered tobacco-pouch—these were all his belongings. Overwrought by a fever of indignation, he went into his room and piled his clothes upon a chair.
In reality, Schmucke was a philosopher and an unintentional cynic because he had made his life so simple. He had two pairs of shoes, a pair of boots, a couple of suits, a dozen shirts, a dozen bandana handkerchiefs, four vests, and a fantastic pipe given to him by Pons, along with an embroidered tobacco pouch—these were all he owned. Overwhelmed by a surge of anger, he went into his room and tossed his clothes onto a chair.
“All dese are mine,” he said, with simplicity worthy of Cincinnatus. “Der biano is also mine.”
“All these are mine,” he said, with a simplicity worthy of Cincinnatus. “The piano is also mine.”
Fraisier turned to La Sauvage. “Madame, get help,” he said; “take that piano out and put it on the landing.”
Fraisier turned to La Sauvage. “Ma'am, get some help,” he said; “take that piano out and put it on the landing.”
“You are too rough into the bargain,” said Villemot, addressing Fraisier. “The justice of the peace gives orders here; he is supreme.”
“You're being too harsh,” Villemot said to Fraisier. “The justice of the peace is in charge here; he has the final say.”
“There are valuables in the room,” put in the clerk.
“There are valuables in the room,” the clerk said.
“And besides,” added the justice of the peace, “M. Schmucke is going out of his own free will.”
“And besides,” added the justice of the peace, “Mr. Schmucke is leaving of his own accord.”
“Did any one ever see such a client!” Villemot cried indignantly, turning upon Schmucke. “You are as limp as a rag—”
“Has anyone ever seen a client like this!” Villemot exclaimed angrily, turning to Schmucke. “You’re as limp as a rag—”
“Vat dos it matter vere von dies?” Schmucke said as he went out. “Dese men haf tiger faces.... I shall send somebody to vetch mein bits of dings.”
“What's the difference if one of them dies?” Schmucke said as he left. “These guys have tiger faces.... I’ll send someone to get my things.”
“Where are you going, sir?”
“Where are you headed, sir?”
“Vere it shall blease Gott,” returned Pons’ universal legatee with supreme indifference.
“Sure, if it pleases God,” replied Pons' universal heir with complete indifference.
“Send me word,” said Villemot.
"Let me know," said Villemot.
Fraisier turned to the head-clerk. “Go after him,” he whispered.
Fraisier turned to the head clerk. “Go after him,” he whispered.
Mme. Cantinet was left in charge, with a provision of fifty francs paid out of the money that they found. The justice of the peace looked out; there Schmucke stood in the courtyard looking up at the windows for the last time.
Mme. Cantinet was left in charge, with a payment of fifty francs taken from the money they found. The justice of the peace looked out; there Schmucke stood in the courtyard, looking up at the windows one last time.
“You have found a man of butter,” remarked the justice.
“You’ve found a guy who’s all talk,” the justice said.
“Yes,” said Fraisier, “yes. The thing is as good as done. You need not hesitate to marry your granddaughter to Poulain; he will be head-surgeon at the Quinze-Vingts.” (The Asylum founded by St. Louis for three hundred blind people.)
“Yes,” said Fraisier, “yes. It's basically a done deal. You shouldn’t hesitate to marry your granddaughter to Poulain; he’s going to be the chief surgeon at the Quinze-Vingts.” (The asylum founded by St. Louis for three hundred blind people.)
“We shall see.—Good-day, M. Fraisier,” said the justice of the peace with a friendly air.
“We'll see.—Good day, M. Fraisier,” said the justice of the peace with a friendly demeanor.
“There is a man with a head on his shoulders,” remarked the justice’s clerk. “The dog will go a long way.”
“There’s a guy with common sense,” said the justice’s clerk. “The dog’s going to get far.”
By this time it was eleven o’clock. The old German went like an automaton down the road along which Pons and he had so often walked together. Wherever he went he saw Pons, he almost thought that Pons was by his side; and so he reached the theatre just as his friend Topinard was coming out of it after a morning spent in cleaning the lamps and meditating on the manager’s tyranny.
By this time it was eleven o’clock. The old German walked down the road like a robot, the same one he and Pons had often walked together. No matter where he looked, he could see Pons; he nearly felt like Pons was right there next to him. He arrived at the theater just as his friend Topinard was coming out after spending the morning cleaning the lamps and thinking about the manager’s oppression.
“Oh, shoost der ding for me!” cried Schmucke, stopping his acquaintance. “Dopinart! you haf a lodging someveres, eh?”
“Oh, just the thing for me!” cried Schmucke, stopping his friend. “Dopinart! You have a place to stay somewhere, right?”
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“A home off your own?”
"Your own place?"
“Yes, sir.”
"Yes, sir."
“Are you villing to take me for ein poarder? Oh! I shall pay ver’ vell; I haf nine hundert vrancs of inkomm, und—I haf not ver’ long ter lif.... I shall gif no drouble vatefer.... I can eat onydings—I only vant to shmoke mein bipe. Und—you are der only von dat haf shed a tear for Bons, mit me; und so, I lof you.”
“Are you willing to take me as a passenger? Oh! I’ll pay very well; I have nine hundred francs of income, and—I don’t have very long to live... I won’t cause any trouble at all... I can eat anything—I just want to smoke my pipe. And—you’re the only one that has shed a tear for Bons, with me; and so, I love you.”
“I should be very glad, sir; but, to begin with, M. Gaudissart has given me a proper wigging—”
"I would be really happy, sir; but first of all, M. Gaudissart has really laid into me—"
“Vigging?”
“Vigging?”
“That is one way of saying that he combed my hair for me.”
"That's one way of saying that he did my hair for me."
“Combed your hair?”
“Did you comb your hair?”
“He gave me a scolding for meddling in your affairs.... So we must be very careful if you come to me. But I doubt whether you will stay when you have seen the place; you do not know how we poor devils live.”
“He scolded me for getting involved in your business.... So we need to be really careful if you come to me. But I doubt you’ll stick around once you see the place; you have no idea how us poor folks live.”
“I should rader der boor home of a goot-hearted mann dot haf mourned Bons, dan der Duileries mit men dot haf ein tiger face.... I haf chust left tigers in Bons’ house; dey vill eat up everydings—”
“I’d rather be at the house of a kind man who has mourned Bon, than at the Tuileries with men who have a tiger’s face.... I just left tigers in Bon’s house; they will eat up everything—”
“Come with me, sir, and you shall see. But—well, anyhow, there is a garret. Let us see what Mme. Topinard says.”
“Come with me, sir, and you’ll see. But—well, anyway, there’s a attic. Let’s see what Mme. Topinard says.”
Schmucke followed like a sheep, while Topinard led the way into one of the squalid districts which might be called the cancers of Paris—a spot known as the Cite Bordin. It is a slum out of the Rue de Bondy, a double row of houses run up by the speculative builder, under the shadow of the huge mass of the Porte Saint-Martin theatre. The pavement at the higher end lies below the level of the Rue de Bondy; at the lower it falls away towards the Rue des Mathurins du Temple. Follow its course and you find that it terminates in another slum running at right angles to the first—the Cite Bordin is, in fact, a T-shaped blind alley. Its two streets thus arranged contain some thirty houses, six or seven stories high; and every story, and every room in every story, is a workshop and a warehouse for goods of every sort and description, for this wart upon the face of Paris is a miniature Faubourg Saint-Antoine. Cabinet-work and brasswork, theatrical costumes, blown glass, painted porcelain—all the various fancy goods known as l’article Paris are made here. Dirty and productive like commerce, always full of traffic—foot-passengers, vans, and drays—the Cite Bourdin is an unsavory-looking neighborhood, with a seething population in keeping with the squalid surroundings. It is a not unintelligent artisan population, though the whole power of the intellect is absorbed by the day’s manual labor. Topinard, like every other inhabitant of the Cite Bourdin, lived in it for the sake of comparatively low rent, the cause of its existence and prosperity. His sixth floor lodging, in the second house to the left, looked out upon the belt of green garden, still in existence, at the back of three or four large mansions in the Rue de Bondy.
Schmucke followed along like a sheep, while Topinard led the way into one of the rundown neighborhoods that could be called the cancers of Paris—a place known as the Cite Bordin. It’s a slum off the Rue de Bondy, featuring a double row of houses built by a speculative developer, overshadowed by the massive Porte Saint-Martin theater. The pavement at the higher end is below the level of the Rue de Bondy, while at the lower end it slopes down towards the Rue des Mathurins du Temple. Follow its path and you’ll find it ends in another slum that runs at right angles to the first—the Cite Bordin is, in fact, a T-shaped dead-end. Its two streets are arranged in such a way that they contain about thirty houses, six or seven stories high; and every floor, and every room on each floor, is a workshop and a storage space for goods of every kind and description, as this blemish on the face of Paris is a miniature Faubourg Saint-Antoine. Cabinet-making and brassworking, theatrical costumes, blown glass, painted porcelain—all the different fancy goods known as l’article Paris are produced here. Dirty and bustling like commerce, always teeming with activity—pedestrians, vans, and carts—the Cite Bourdin is an unsightly neighborhood, home to a restless population that matches its grim surroundings. It has a not unintelligent artisan community, although the full extent of their intellect is consumed by the day’s manual labor. Topinard, like every other resident of the Cite Bourdin, lived there because of the relatively low rent, the reason for its existence and success. His sixth-floor apartment, in the second building to the left, overlooked the narrow strip of green garden that still remains behind three or four large mansions on the Rue de Bondy.
Topinard’s apartment consisted of a kitchen and two bedrooms. The first was a nursery with two little deal bedsteads and a cradle in it, the second was the bedroom, and the kitchen did duty as a dining-room. Above, reached by a short ladder, known among builders as a “trap-ladder,” there was a kind of garret, six feet high, with a sash-window let into the roof. This room, given as a servants’ bedroom, raised the Topinards’ establishment from mere “rooms” to the dignity of a tenement, and the rent to a corresponding sum of four hundred francs. An arched lobby, lighted from the kitchen by a small round window, did duty as an ante-chamber, and filled the space between the bedroom, the kitchen, and house doors—three doors in all. The rooms were paved with bricks, and hung with a hideous wall-paper at threepence apiece; the chimneypieces that adorned them were of the kind called capucines—a shelf set on a couple of brackets painted to resemble wood. Here in these three rooms dwelt five human beings, three of them children. Any one, therefore, can imagine how the walls were covered with scores and scratches so far as an infant arm can reach.
Topinard’s apartment included a kitchen and two bedrooms. The first was a nursery with two small wooden beds and a crib in it, the second was the main bedroom, and the kitchen also served as a dining room. Above it, accessed by a short ladder known as a “trap-ladder,” was a small attic, six feet high, with a window set into the roof. This room, designated as a servant’s bedroom, upgraded the Topinards’ living situation from basic “rooms” to a proper tenement, along with a corresponding rent of four hundred francs. An arched hallway, lit from the kitchen by a small round window, acted as a small entryway, connecting the bedroom, kitchen, and main doors—three doors in total. The floors were made of bricks, and the walls were covered with ugly wallpaper costing threepence per roll; the mantelpieces were of a style called capucines—a shelf mounted on a couple of brackets painted to look like wood. In these three rooms lived five people, three of them children. Anyone can imagine how the walls were marked with countless scores and scratches as far up as a tiny arm could reach.
Rich people can scarcely realize the extreme simplicity of a poor man’s kitchen. A Dutch oven, a kettle, a gridiron, a saucepan, two or three dumpy cooking-pots, and a frying-pan—that was all. All the crockery in the place, white and brown earthenware together, was not worth more than twelve francs. Dinner was served on the kitchen table, which, with a couple of chairs and a couple of stools, completed the furniture. The stock of fuel was kept under the stove with a funnel-shaped chimney, and in a corner stood the wash-tub in which the family linen lay, often steeping over-night in soapsuds. The nursery ceiling was covered with clothes-lines, the walls were variegated with theatrical placards and wood-cuts from newspapers or advertisements. Evidently the eldest boy, the owner of the school-books stacked in a corner, was left in charge while his parents were absent at the theatre. In many a French workingman’s family, so soon as a child reaches the age of six or seven, it plays the part of mother to younger sisters and brothers.
Wealthy people can hardly understand how simple a poor person’s kitchen is. A Dutch oven, a kettle, a grill, a saucepan, a few sturdy cooking pots, and a frying pan—that’s all. All the dishes in the place, white and brown pottery together, were worth no more than twelve francs. Dinner was served on the kitchen table, which, along with a couple of chairs and a couple of stools, made up the furniture. The fuel supply was stored under the stove, which had a funnel-shaped chimney, and in a corner stood the wash tub where the family’s laundry often soaked overnight in soapy water. The nursery ceiling was lined with clotheslines, and the walls were decorated with theater posters and clippings from newspapers or ads. Clearly, the oldest boy, who owned the stack of schoolbooks in a corner, was left in charge while his parents were out at the theater. In many French working-class families, as soon as a child turns six or seven, they take on the role of caregiver to their younger siblings.
From this bare outline, it may be imagined that the Topinards, to use the hackneyed formula, were “poor but honest.” Topinard himself was verging on forty; Mme. Topinard, once leader of a chorus—mistress, too, it was said, of Gaudissart’s predecessor, was certainly thirty years old. Lolotte had been a fine woman in her day; but the misfortunes of the previous management had told upon her to such an extent, that it had seemed to her to be both advisable and necessary to contract a stage-marriage with Topinard. She did not doubt but that, as soon as they could muster the sum of a hundred and fifty francs, her Topinard would perform his vows agreeably to the civil law, were it only to legitimize the three children, whom he worshiped. Meantime, Mme. Topinard sewed for the theatre wardrobe in the morning; and with prodigious effort, the brave couple made nine hundred francs per annum between them.
From this basic outline, one might picture the Topinards, to use the cliché, as “poor but honest.” Topinard himself was nearing forty; Mme. Topinard, once the leader of a chorus—and rumored to have been the mistress of Gaudissart’s predecessor—was definitely thirty. Lolotte had been an attractive woman in her time, but the troubles of the previous management had affected her so much that she felt it was both wise and necessary to enter into a stage-marriage with Topinard. She had no doubt that as soon as they could scrape together a hundred and fifty francs, Topinard would fulfill his vows according to the law, if only to legitimize the three children he adored. In the meantime, Mme. Topinard sewed for the theater wardrobe in the mornings; and through tremendous effort, the determined couple made nine hundred francs a year together.
“One more flight!” Topinard had twice repeated since they reached the third floor. Schmucke, engulfed in his sorrow, did not so much as know whether he was going up or coming down.
“One more flight!” Topinard had said twice since they reached the third floor. Schmucke, lost in his sadness, didn’t even realize if he was going up or down.
In another minute Topinard had opened the door; but before he appeared in his white workman’s blouse Mme. Topinard’s voice rang from the kitchen:
In a minute, Topinard had opened the door; but before he stepped out in his white work shirt, Mme. Topinard's voice called from the kitchen:
“There, there! children, be quiet! here comes papa!”
“There, there! Kids, be quiet! Here comes Dad!”
But the children, no doubt, did as they pleased with papa, for the oldest member of the family, sitting astride a broomstick, continued to command a charge of cavalry (a reminiscence of the Cirque-Olympique), the second blew a tin trumpet, while the third did its best to keep up with the main body of the army. Their mother was at work on a theatrical costume.
But the kids definitely did what they wanted with dad, because the oldest family member, sitting on a broomstick, kept pretending to lead a cavalry charge (a nod to the Cirque-Olympique), the second one blew a tin trumpet, while the third tried hard to keep up with the rest of the army. Their mom was busy making a theater costume.
“Be quiet! or I shall slap you!” shouted Topinard in a formidable voice; then in an aside for Schmucke’s benefit—“Always have to say that!—Here, little one,” he continued, addressing his Lolotte, “this is M. Schmucke, poor M. Pons’ friend. He does not know where to go, and he would like to live with us. I told him that we were not very spick-and-span up here, that we lived on the sixth floor, and had only the garret to offer him; but it was no use, he would come—”
“Be quiet! or I’ll slap you!” shouted Topinard in a stern voice; then, speaking quietly for Schmucke to hear—“I always have to say that!—Here, little one,” he continued, addressing his Lolotte, “this is M. Schmucke, poor M. Pons’ friend. He doesn’t know where to go, and he wants to live with us. I told him that we’re not very neat up here, that we live on the sixth floor, and that we only have the attic available; but it didn’t matter, he still wanted to come—”
Schmucke had taken the chair which the woman brought him, and the children, stricken with sudden shyness, had gathered together to give the stranger that mute, earnest, so soon-finished scrutiny characteristic of childhood. For a child, like a dog, is wont to judge by instinct rather than reason. Schmucke looked up; his eyes rested on that charming little picture; he saw the performer on the tin trumpet, a little five-year-old maiden with wonderful golden hair.
Schmucke sat in the chair the woman had brought him, and the children, suddenly shy, huddled together to give the stranger that silent, serious, quick scrutiny typical of childhood. A child, like a dog, tends to judge by instinct rather than reason. Schmucke looked up; his eyes landed on that lovely little scene; he saw the performer on the tin trumpet, a five-year-old girl with beautiful golden hair.
“She looks like ein liddle German girl,” said Schmucke, holding out his arms to the child.
“She looks like a little German girl,” said Schmucke, holding out his arms to the child.
“Monsieur will not be very comfortable here,” said Mme. Topinard. “I would propose that he should have our room at once, but I am obliged to have the children near me.”
“Monsieur won't be very comfortable here,” said Mme. Topinard. “I would suggest he take our room right away, but I need to have the kids close to me.”
She opened the door as she spoke, and bade Schmucke come in. Such splendor as their abode possessed was all concentrated here. Blue cotton curtains with a white fringe hung from the mahogany bedstead, and adorned the window; the chest of drawers, bureau, and chairs, though all made of mahogany, were neatly kept. The clock and candlesticks on the chimneypiece were evidently the gift of the bankrupt manager, whose portrait, a truly frightful performance of Pierre Grassou’s, looked down upon the chest of drawers. The children tried to peep in at the forbidden glories.
She opened the door as she spoke and invited Schmucke inside. All the beauty of their home was focused here. Blue cotton curtains with a white fringe hung from the mahogany bed frame and decorated the window; the chest of drawers, dresser, and chairs, all made of mahogany, were well-maintained. The clock and candlesticks on the mantel were clearly gifts from the bankrupt manager, whose portrait, a rather terrible painting by Pierre Grassou, looked down at the chest of drawers. The children tried to sneak a peek at the off-limits treasures.
“Monsieur might be comfortable in here,” said their mother.
“Sir might be comfortable in here,” said their mother.
“No, no,” Schmucke replied. “Eh! I haf not ver’ long to lif, I only vant a corner to die in.”
“Not at all,” Schmucke replied. “Hey! I don’t have very long to live; I just want a corner to die in.”
The door was closed, and the three went up to the garret. “Dis is der ding for me,” Schmucke cried at once. “Pefore I lifd mid Bons, I vas nefer better lodged.”
The door was closed, and the three went up to the attic. “This is the place for me,” Schmucke exclaimed immediately. “Before I lived with Bons, I was never better housed.”
“Very well. A truckle-bed, a couple of mattresses, a bolster, a pillow, a couple of chairs, and a table—that is all that you need to buy. That will not ruin you—it may cost a hundred and fifty francs, with the crockeryware and strip of carpet for the bedside.”
“Alright. A low bed, a couple of mattresses, a cushion, a pillow, a couple of chairs, and a table—that’s all you need to buy. It won’t break the bank—it might cost around a hundred and fifty francs, along with the dishes and a piece of carpet for the side of the bed.”
Everything was settled—save the money, which was not forthcoming. Schmucke saw that his new friends were very poor, and recollecting that the theatre was only a few steps away, it naturally occurred to him to apply to the manager for his salary. He went at once, and found Gaudissart in his office. Gaudissart received him in the somewhat stiffly polite manner which he reserved for professionals. Schmucke’s demand for a month’s salary took him by surprise, but on inquiry he found that it was due.
Everything was settled—except for the money, which was not coming in. Schmucke noticed that his new friends were very poor, and remembering that the theatre was just a few steps away, it made sense for him to ask the manager for his salary. He went right away and found Gaudissart in his office. Gaudissart greeted him with the somewhat formal politeness he reserved for professionals. Schmucke’s request for a month’s salary caught him off guard, but upon checking, he found that it was indeed due.
“Oh, confound it, my good man, a German can always count, even if he has tears in his eyes.... I thought that you would have taken the thousand francs that I sent you into account, as a final year’s salary, and that we were quits.”
“Oh, darn it, my good man, a German can always keep track, even if he has tears in his eyes.... I thought you would have counted the thousand francs I sent you as your final year’s salary, and that we would be even.”
“We haf receifed nodings,” said Schmucke; “und gif I komm to you, it ees because I am in der shtreet, und haf not ein benny. How did you send us der bonus?”
“We haven't received anything,” said Schmucke; “and if I come to you, it’s because I’m out in the street and don’t have any money. How did you send us the bonus?”
“By your portress.”
"Through your gatekeeper."
“By Montame Zipod!” exclaimed Schmucke. “She killed Bons, she robbed him, she sold him—she tried to purn his vill—she is a pad creature, a monster!”
“By Montame Zipod!” exclaimed Schmucke. “She killed Bons, she robbed him, she sold him—she tried to burn his will—she is a bad creature, a monster!”
“But, my good man, how come you to be out in the street without a roof over your head or a penny in your pocket, when you are the sole heir? That does not necessarily follow, as the saying is.”
“But, my good man, how is it that you're out in the street with no roof over your head and not a penny to your name, when you’re the only heir? That doesn’t necessarily mean it should be this way, as the saying goes.”
“They haf put me out at der door. I am a voreigner, I know nodings of die laws.”
“They’ve put me out at the door. I’m a foreigner; I know nothing of the laws.”
“Poor man!” thought Gaudissart, foreseeing the probable end of the unequal contest.—“Listen,” he began, “do you know what you ought to do in this business?”
“Poor guy!” thought Gaudissart, predicting the likely outcome of the unfair battle. “Listen,” he started, “do you know what you should do in this situation?”
“I haf ein mann of pizness!”
“I have a man of business!”
“Very good, come to terms at once with the next-of-kin; make them pay you a lump sum of money down and an annuity, and you can live in peace—”
“Great, settle things quickly with the family; get them to pay you a lump sum upfront and an annuity, and you can live peacefully—”
“I ask noding more.”
“I ask nothing more.”
“Very well. Let me arrange it for you,” said Gaudissart. Fraisier had told him the whole story only yesterday, and he thought that he saw his way to making interest out of the case with the young Vicomtesse Popinot and her mother. He would finish a dirty piece of work, and some day he would be a privy councillor, at least; or so he told himself.
“Sure thing. I'll take care of it for you,” said Gaudissart. Fraisier had filled him in on everything just yesterday, and he believed he could leverage the situation with the young Vicomtesse Popinot and her mother. He figured he would wrap up a shady deal, and someday he might even become a privy councillor, or so he convinced himself.
“I gif you full powers.”
"I give you full powers."
“Well. Let me see. Now, to begin with,” said Gaudissart, Napoleon of the boulevard theatres, “to begin with, here are a hundred crowns—” (he took fifteen louis from his purse and handed them to Schmucke).
“Well. Let me see. Now, to start off,” said Gaudissart, the king of the boulevard theaters, “to start off, here are a hundred crowns—” (he took out fifteen louis from his wallet and handed them to Schmucke).
“That is yours, on account of six months’ salary. If you leave the theatre, you can repay me the money. Now for your budget. What are your yearly expenses? How much do you want to be comfortable? Come, now, scheme out a life for a Sardanapalus—”
“That's yours, for six months' salary. If you leave the theater, you can pay me back. Now, about your budget. What are your yearly expenses? How much do you need to be comfortable? Come on, plan out a life for a Sardanapalus—”
“I only need two suits of clothes, von for der vinter, von for der sommer.”
“I only need two outfits, one for winter, one for summer.”
“Three hundred francs,” said Gaudissart.
“Three hundred francs,” said Gaudissart.
“Shoes. Vour bairs.”
"Shoes. Your pairs."
“Sixty francs.”
"60 francs."
“Shtockings—”
“Stockings—”
“A dozen pairs—thirty-six francs.”
“12 pairs—36 francs.”
“Half a tozzen shirts.”
“Six shirts.”
“Six calico shirts, twenty-four francs; as many linen shirts, forty-eight francs; let us say seventy-two. That makes four hundred and sixty-eight francs altogether.—Say five hundred, including cravats and pocket-handkerchiefs; a hundred francs for the laundress—six hundred. And now, how much for your board—three francs a day?”
“Six calico shirts, twenty-four francs; as many linen shirts, forty-eight francs; let’s say seventy-two. That makes four hundred and sixty-eight francs altogether.—Let’s say five hundred, including neckties and pocket squares; a hundred francs for the laundry—six hundred. And now, how much for your meals—three francs a day?”
“No, it ees too much.”
“No, it’s too much.”
“After all, you want hats; that brings it to fifteen hundred. Five hundred more for rent; that makes two thousand. If I can get two thousand francs per annum for you, are you willing?... Good securities.”
“After all, you want hats; that brings it to fifteen hundred. Five hundred more for rent; that makes two thousand. If I can get two thousand francs a year for you, are you in?... Good securities.”
“Und mein tobacco.”
“And my tobacco.”
“Two thousand four hundred, then.... Oh! Papa Schmucke, do you call that tobacco? Very well, the tobacco shall be given in.—So that is two thousand four hundred francs per annum.”
“Two thousand four hundred, then.... Oh! Dad Schmucke, is that really tobacco? Fine, the tobacco will be accounted for. So that’s two thousand four hundred francs a year.”
“Dat ees not all! I should like som monny.”
“That's not all! I would like some money.”
“Pin-money!—Just so. Oh, these Germans! And calls himself an innocent, the old Robert Macaire!” thought Gaudissart. Aloud he said, “How much do you want? But this must be the last.”
“Pin money!—Exactly. Oh, these Germans! And he calls himself innocent, that old Robert Macaire!” thought Gaudissart. Out loud, he said, “How much do you need? But this has to be the last.”
“It ees to bay a zacred debt.”
“It is to pay a sacred debt.”
“A debt!” said Gaudissart to himself. What a shark it is! He is worse than an eldest son. He will invent a bill or two next! We must cut this short. This Fraisier cannot take large views.—What debt is this, my good man? Speak out.”
“A debt!” Gaudissart thought to himself. What a shark! He’s worse than a firstborn son. He’ll come up with a couple of bills next! We need to put an end to this. This Fraisier can’t see the bigger picture.—What debt is this, my good man? Speak up.”
“Dere vas but von mann dot haf mourned Bons mit me.... He haf a tear liddle girl mit wunderschones haar; it vas as if I saw mein boor Deutschland dot I should nefer haf left.... Baris is no blace for die Germans; dey laugh at dem” (with a little nod as he spoke, and the air of a man who knows something of life in this world below).
“ There was only one man who mourned Bonds with me… He had a tiny girl with beautiful hair; it was as if I saw my poor Germany that I should never have left… Paris is no place for the Germans; they laugh at them” (with a slight nod as he spoke, and the demeanor of a man who knows something about life in this world below).
“He is off his head,” Gaudissart said to himself. And a sudden pang of pity for this poor innocent before him brought a tear to the manager’s eyes.
“He’s out of his mind,” Gaudissart thought to himself. And a sudden wave of pity for this poor innocent in front of him brought a tear to the manager’s eyes.
“Ah! you understand, mennesir le directeur! Ver’ goot. Dat mann mit die liddle taughter is Dobinard, vat tidies der orchestra and lights die lamps. Bons vas fery fond of him, und helped him. He vas der only von dat accombanied mein only friend to die church und to die grafe.... I vant dree tausend vrancs for him, und dree tausend for die liddle von—”
“Ah! You understand, Mr. Director! Very good. That man with the little girl is Dobinard, who manages the orchestra and lights the lamps. Bons was very fond of him and helped him. He was the only one who accompanied my only friend to the church and to the grave.... I want three thousand francs for him, and three thousand for the little one—”
“Poor fellow!” said Gaudissart to himself.
“Poor guy!” said Gaudissart to himself.
Rough, self-made man though he was, he felt touched by this nobleness of nature, by a gratitude for a mere trifle, as the world views it; though for the eyes of this divine innocence the trifle, like Bossuet’s cup of water, was worth more than the victories of great captains. Beneath all Gaudissart’s vanity, beneath the fierce desire to succeed in life at all costs, to rise to the social level of his old friend Popinot, there lay a warm heart and a kindly nature. Wherefore he canceled his too hasty judgments and went over to Schmucke’s side.
Rough and self-made as he was, he felt moved by this nobility of spirit, by a gratitude for something that seemed small to the world; yet for the eyes of this pure innocence, that small thing, like Bossuet’s cup of water, was worth more than the triumphs of great leaders. Beneath all of Gaudissart’s vanity and his fierce desire to succeed in life at any cost, to rise to the same social level as his old friend Popinot, there was a warm heart and a kind nature. So, he took back his hasty judgments and joined Schmucke’s side.
“You shall have it all! But I will do better still, my dear Schmucke. Topinard is a good sort—”
“You’ll get everything! But I’ll do even better, my dear Schmucke. Topinard is a great guy—”
“Yes. I haf chust peen to see him in his boor home, vere he ees happy mit his children—”
“Yes. I have just been to see him in his poor home, where he is happy with his children—”
“I will give him the cashier’s place. Old Baudrand is going to leave.”
“I'll give him the cashier's position. Old Baudrand is about to leave.”
“Ah! Gott pless you!” cried Schmucke.
“Ah! God bless you!” cried Schmucke.
“Very well, my good, kind fellow, meet me at Berthier’s office about four o’clock this afternoon. Everything shall be ready, and you shall be secured from want for the rest of your days. You shall draw your six thousand francs, and you shall have the same salary with Garangeot that you used to have with Pons.”
“Sure thing, my friendly, kind friend, meet me at Berthier’s office around four this afternoon. Everything will be set, and you'll be taken care of for the rest of your days. You'll receive your six thousand francs, and you'll have the same salary as Garangeot that you used to have with Pons.”
“No,” Schmucke answered. “I shall not lif.... I haf no heart for anydings; I feel that I am attacked—”
“No,” Schmucke answered. “I won’t lift.... I have no heart for anything; I feel that I am being attacked—”
“Poor lamb!” Gaudissart muttered to himself as the German took his leave. “But, after all, one lives on mutton; and, as the sublime Beranger says, ‘Poor sheep! you were made to be shorn,’” and he hummed the political squib by way of giving vent to his feelings. Then he rang for the office-boy.
“Poor lamb!” Gaudissart mumbled to himself as the German left. “But, you know, we do eat mutton; and, as the great Beranger says, ‘Poor sheep! you were made to be shorn,’” and he hummed the political joke to express his feelings. Then he called for the office boy.
“Call my carriage,” he said.
“Call my ride,” he said.
“Rue de Hanovre,” he told the coachman.
“Rue de Hanovre,” he said to the driver.
The man of ambitions by this time had reappeared; he saw the way to the Council of State lying straight before him.
The ambitious man had returned; he saw the path to the Council of State clear ahead of him.
And Schmucke? He was busy buying flowers and cakes for Topinard’s children, and went home almost joyously.
And Schmucke? He was busy buying flowers and cakes for Topinard’s kids, and headed home feeling almost happy.
“I am gifing die bresents...” he said, and he smiled. It was the first smile for three months, but any one who had seen Schmucke’s face would have shuddered to see it there.
“I am giving the presents...” he said, and he smiled. It was the first smile in three months, but anyone who had seen Schmucke’s face would have shuddered to see it there.
“But dere is ein condition—”
“But there is one condition—”
“It is too kind of you, sir,” said the mother.
“It’s really nice of you, sir,” said the mother.
“De liddle girl shall gif me a kiss and put die flowers in her hair, like die liddle German maidens—”
“Then the little girl shall give me a kiss and put the flowers in her hair, like the little German girls—”
“Olga, child, do just as the gentleman wishes,” said the mother, assuming an air of discipline.
“Olga, sweetie, just do what the gentleman wants,” said the mother, adopting a strict tone.
“Do not scold mein liddle German girl,” implored Schmucke. It seemed to him that the little one was his dear Germany. Topinard came in.
“Don't scold my little German girl,” Schmucke pleaded. To him, it felt like the little one represented his beloved Germany. Topinard walked in.
“Three porters are bringing up the whole bag of tricks,” he said.
“Three porters are bringing up the entire bag of tricks,” he said.
“Oh! Here are two hundred vrancs to bay for eferydings...” said Schmucke. “But, mein friend, your Montame Dobinard is ver’ nice; you shall marry her, is it not so? I shall gif you tausend crowns, and die liddle vone shall haf tausend crowns for her toury, and you shall infest it in her name.... Und you are not to pe ein zuper any more—you are to pe de cashier at de teatre—”
“Oh! Here are two hundred vrancs to pay for everything...” said Schmucke. “But, my friend, your Montame Dobinard is very nice; you should marry her, right? I will give you a thousand crowns, and the little one will have a thousand crowns for her dowry, and you will invest it in her name.... And you are not to be a waiter anymore—you are to be the cashier at the theater—”
“I?—instead of old Baudrand?”
“I?—instead of the old Baudrand?”
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“Who told you so?”
"Who said that?"
“Mennesir Gautissart!”
“Monsieur Gautissart!”
“Oh! it is enough to send one wild with joy!... Eh! I say, Rosalie, what a rumpus there will be at the theatre! But it is not possible—”
“Oh! it’s enough to make someone go crazy with joy!... Hey! I’m telling you, Rosalie, what a commotion there will be at the theater! But it can’t be—”
“Our benefactor must not live in a garret—”
"Our benefactor shouldn't live in an attic—"
“Pshaw! for die few tays dat I haf to lif it ees fery komfortable,” said Schmucke. “Goot-pye; I am going to der zemetery, to see vat dey haf don mit Bons, und to order som flowers for his grafe.”
“Pshaw! For the few days that I have left, it's very comfortable,” said Schmucke. “Goodbye; I’m going to the cemetery to see what they’ve done with Bons, and to order some flowers for his grave.”
Mme. Camusot de Marville was consumed by the liveliest apprehensions. At a council held with Fraisier, Berthier, and Godeschal, the two last-named authorities gave it as their opinion that it was hopeless to dispute a will drawn up by two notaries in the presence of two witnesses, so precisely was the instrument worded by Leopold Hannequin. Honest Godeschal said that even if Schmucke’s own legal adviser should succeed in deceiving him, he would find out the truth at last, if it were only from some officious barrister, the gentlemen of the robe being wont to perform such acts of generosity and disinterestedness by way of self-advertisement. And the two officials took their leave of the Presidente with a parting caution against Fraisier, concerning whom they had naturally made inquiries.
Mme. Camusot de Marville was filled with anxiety. During a meeting with Fraisier, Berthier, and Godeschal, the latter two expressed their opinion that it was pointless to challenge a will created by two notaries in the presence of two witnesses, given how precisely Leopold Hannequin had drafted the document. Honest Godeschal mentioned that even if Schmucke’s own lawyer managed to deceive him, he would eventually uncover the truth, possibly from some eager lawyer, as legal professionals often engage in such acts of generosity and self-promotion. The two officials then bid farewell to the Presidente, warning her about Fraisier, regarding whom they had naturally made inquiries.
At that very moment Fraisier, straight from the affixing of the seals in the Rue de Normandie, was waiting for an interview with Mme. de Marville. Berthier and Godeschal had suggested that he should be shown into the study; the whole affair was too dirty for the President to look into (to use their own expression), and they wished to give Mme. de Marville their opinion in Fraisier’s absence.
At that moment, Fraisier, just after putting the seals in place on Rue de Normandie, was waiting for a meeting with Mme. de Marville. Berthier and Godeschal had recommended that he be taken into the study; the whole situation was too messy for the President to deal with (as they put it), and they wanted to share their thoughts with Mme. de Marville without Fraisier present.
“Well, madame, where are these gentlemen?” asked Fraisier, admitted to audience.
“Well, ma'am, where are these gentlemen?” asked Fraisier, granted an audience.
“They are gone. They advise me to give up,” said Mme. de Marville.
“They're gone. They tell me to give up,” said Mme. de Marville.
“Give up!” repeated Fraisier, suppressed fury in his voice. “Give up! ... Listen to this, madame:—
“Give up!” Fraisier repeated, frustration clear in his voice. “Give up! ... Listen to this, madame:—
“‘At the request of’... and so forth (I will omit the formalities)... ‘Whereas there has been deposited in the hands of M. le President of the Court of First Instance, a will drawn up by Maitres Leopold Hannequin and Alexandre Crottat, notaries of Paris, and in the presence of two witnesses, the Sieurs Brunner and Schwab, aliens domiciled at Paris, and by the said will the Sieur Pons, deceased, has bequeathed his property to one Sieur Schmucke, a German, to the prejudice of his natural heirs: “‘Whereas the applicant undertakes to prove that the said will was obtained under undue influence and by unlawful means; and persons of credit are prepared to show that it was the testator’s intention to leave his fortune to Mlle. Cecile, daughter of the aforesaid Sieur de Marville, and the applicant can show that the said will was extorted from the testator’s weakness, he being unaccountable for his actions at the time: “‘Whereas as the Sieur Schmucke, to obtain a will in his favor, sequestrated the testator, and prevented the family from approaching the deceased during his last illness; and his subsequent notorious ingratitude was of a nature to scandalize the house and residents in the quarter who chanced to witness it when attending the funeral of the porter at the testator’s place of abode: “‘Whereas as still more serious charges, of which applicant is collecting proofs, will be formally made before their worships the judges: “‘I, the undersigned Registrar of the Court, etc., etc., on behalf of the aforesaid, etc., have summoned the Sieur Schmucke, pleading, etc., to appear before their worships the judges of the first chamber of the Tribunal, and to be present when application is made that the will received by Maitres Hannequin and Crottat, being evidently obtained by undue influence, shall be regarded as null and void in law; and I, the undersigned, on behalf of the aforesaid, etc., have likewise given notice of protest, should the Sieur Schmucke as universal legatee make application for an order to be put into possession of the estate, seeing that the applicant opposes such order, and makes objection by his application bearing date of to-day, of which a copy has been duly deposited with the Sieur Schmucke, costs being charged to... etc., etc.’
“‘At the request of’... and so on (I’ll skip the formalities)... ‘Whereas there has been a will deposited with Mr. President of the Court of First Instance, drawn up by Notaries Leopold Hannequin and Alexandre Crottat from Paris, in the presence of two witnesses, Mr. Brunner and Mr. Schwab, foreign residents of Paris, and by this will, the late Mr. Pons has left his property to Mr. Schmucke, a German, to the detriment of his rightful heirs: ‘Whereas the applicant claims to prove that this will was secured through undue influence and unlawful means; and credible individuals are ready to testify that it was the testator’s intention to leave his fortune to Miss Cecile, daughter of the aforementioned Mr. de Marville, and the applicant can demonstrate that the will was coerced from the testator while he was incapacitated: ‘Whereas Mr. Schmucke, in order to obtain a will in his favor, isolated the testator and barred the family from seeing him during his final illness; and his subsequent blatant ingratitude was shocking to those in the neighborhood who witnessed it while attending the funeral of the porter at the testator’s residence: ‘Whereas even more serious accusations, of which the applicant is gathering evidence, will be formally presented before the honorable judges: ‘I, the undersigned Registrar of the Court, etc., etc., on behalf of the aforementioned, etc., have summoned Mr. Schmucke, petitioning, etc., to appear before the honorable judges of the first chamber of the Tribunal and to be present when the application is made for the will received by Notaries Hannequin and Crottat, which was clearly obtained through undue influence, to be declared null and void by law; and I, the undersigned, on behalf of the aforementioned, etc., have also issued a notice of protest, should Mr. Schmucke, as universal legatee, seek an order to take possession of the estate, given that the applicant opposes such an order and formally objects with his application dated today, of which a copy has been duly provided to Mr. Schmucke, costs being charged to... etc., etc.’
“I know the man, Mme. le Presidente. He will come to terms as soon as he reads this little love-letter. He will take our terms. Are you going to give the thousand crowns per annum?”
“I know the guy, Madame President. He’ll agree as soon as he reads this little love letter. He’ll accept our terms. Are you going to pay the thousand crowns a year?”
“Certainly. I only wish I were paying the first installment now.”
“Of course. I just wish I were making the first payment right now.”
“It will be done in three days. The summons will come down upon him while he is stupefied with grief, for the poor soul regrets Pons and is taking the death to heart.”
“It will be done in three days. The summons will come for him while he is overwhelmed with grief, because the poor soul is mourning Pons and is deeply affected by the death.”
“Can the application be withdrawn?” inquired the lady.
“Can the application be taken back?” asked the lady.
“Certainly, madame. You can withdraw it at any time.”
“Of course, ma'am. You can take it out anytime.”
“Very well, monsieur, let it be so... go on! Yes, the purchase of land that you have arranged for me is worth the trouble; and, besides, I have managed Vitel’s business—he is to retire, and you must pay Vitel’s sixty thousand francs out of Pons’ property. So, you see, you must succeed.”
“Alright, sir, let's do this... go ahead! Yes, the land deal you set up for me is worth the effort; plus, I’ve taken care of Vitel’s business—he’s going to retire, and you need to pay Vitel sixty thousand francs from Pons’ estate. So, you see, you have to make it work.”
“Have you Vitel’s resignation?”
“Have you seen Vitel’s resignation?”
“Yes, monsieur. M. Vitel has put himself in M. de Marville’s hands.”
“Yes, sir. Mr. Vitel has entrusted himself to Mr. de Marville.”
“Very good, madame. I have already saved you sixty thousand francs which I expected to give to that vile creature Mme. Cibot. But I still require the tobacconist’s license for the woman Sauvage, and an appointment to the vacant place of head-physician at the Quinze-Vingts for my friend Poulain.”
“Great, ma'am. I've already saved you sixty thousand francs that I was planning to give to that awful person, Mrs. Cibot. But I still need the tobacconist’s license for the woman Sauvage and a position for my friend Poulain as the head physician at Quinze-Vingts.”
“Agreed—it is all arranged.”
“Agreed—it’s all set.”
“Very well. There is no more to be said. Every one is for you in this business, even Gaudissart, the manager of the theatre. I went to look him up yesterday, and he undertook to crush the workman who seemed likely to give us trouble.”
“Alright. There's nothing more to discuss. Everyone is on your side in this matter, even Gaudissart, the theater manager. I spoke to him yesterday, and he agreed to take care of the worker who might cause us issues.”
“Oh, I know M. Gaudissart is devoted to the Popinots.”
“Oh, I know Mr. Gaudissart is all in for the Popinots.”
Fraisier went out. Unluckily, he missed Gaudissart, and the fatal summons was served forthwith.
Fraisier went out. Unfortunately, he missed Gaudissart, and the urgent call was delivered immediately.
If all covetous minds will sympathize with the Presidente, all honest folk will turn in abhorrence from her joy when Gaudissart came twenty minutes later to report his conversation with poor Schmucke. She gave her full approval; she was obliged beyond all expression for the thoughtful way in which the manager relieved her of any remaining scruples by observations which seemed to her to be very sensible and just.
If all the greedy people sympathize with the Presidente, all decent folks will feel disgusted by her happiness when Gaudissart arrived twenty minutes later to share what he talked about with poor Schmucke. She fully approved; she couldn’t express how grateful she was for the considerate way the manager helped her let go of any lingering doubts with comments that seemed very reasonable and fair to her.
“I thought as I came, Mme. la Presidente, that the poor devil would not know what to do with the money. ‘Tis a patriarchally simple nature. He is a child, he is a German, he ought to be stuffed and put in a glass case like a waxen image. Which is to say that, in my opinion, he is quite puzzled enough already with his income of two thousand five hundred francs, and here you are provoking him into extravagance—”
“I thought as I arrived, Madame President, that the poor guy wouldn’t know what to do with the money. He has a very simple mindset. He’s like a child, he’s German, he should be stuffed and put in a display case like a wax figure. Basically, I think he’s already pretty confused managing his income of two thousand five hundred francs, and now you’re pushing him towards being extravagant—”
“It is very generous of him to wish to enrich the poor fellow who regrets the loss of our cousin,” pronounced the Presidente. “For my own part, I am sorry for the little squabble that estranged M. Pons and me. If he had come back again, all would have been forgiven. If you only knew how my husband misses him! M. de Marville received no notice of the death, and was in despair; family claims are sacred for him, he would have gone to the service and the interment, and I myself would have been at the mass—”
“It’s really generous of him to want to support the poor guy who’s mourning our cousin,” the Presidente said. “As for me, I regret the little argument that drove a wedge between M. Pons and me. If he had returned, everything would have been forgotten. If only you knew how much my husband misses him! M. de Marville didn’t get any notice of the death and was heartbroken; family ties are sacred to him, and he would have attended the service and the burial, and I would have been at the mass myself—”
“Very well, fair lady,” said Gaudissart. “Be so good as to have the documents drawn up, and at four o’clock I will bring this German to you. Please remember me to your charming daughter the Vicomtesse, and ask her to tell my illustrious friend the great statesman, her good and excellent father-in-law, how deeply I am devoted to him and his, and ask him to continue his valued favors. I owe my life to his uncle the judge, and my success in life to him; and I should wish to be bound to both you and your daughter by the high esteem which links us with persons of rank and influence. I wish to leave the theatre and become a serious person.”
“Very well, madam,” said Gaudissart. “Please have the documents prepared, and I will bring this German to you at four o’clock. Remember me to your lovely daughter the Vicomtesse, and please ask her to let my esteemed friend, the great statesman and her wonderful father-in-law, know how deeply I admire him and his family, and to request that he continue his kind support. I owe my life to his uncle, the judge, and my success to him; I’d like to be connected to both you and your daughter through the great respect we hold for influential people. I want to leave the theater and become a serious person.”
“As you are already, monsieur!” said the Presidente.
“As you already are, sir!” said the President.
“Adorable!” returned Gaudissart, kissing the lady’s shriveled fingers.
“Adorable!” replied Gaudissart, kissing the lady’s wrinkled fingers.
At four o’clock that afternoon several people were gathered together at Berthier’s office; Fraisier, arch-concocter of the whole scheme, Tabareau, appearing on behalf of Schmucke, and Schmucke himself. Gaudissart had come with him. Fraisier had been careful to spread out the money on Berthier’s desk, and so dazzled was Schmucke by the sight of the six thousand-franc bank-notes for which he had asked, and six hundred francs for the first quarter’s allowance, that he paid no heed whatsoever to the reading of the document. Poor man, he was scarcely in full possession of his faculties, shaken as they had already been by so many shocks. Gaudissart had snatched him up on his return from the cemetery, where he had been talking with Pons, promising to join him soon—very soon. So Schmucke did not listen to the preamble in which it was set forth that Maitre Tabareau, bailiff, was acting as his proxy, and that the Presidente, in the interests of her daughter, was taking legal proceedings against him. Altogether, in that preamble the German played a sorry part, but he put his name to the document, and thereby admitted the truth of Fraisier’s abominable allegations; and so joyous was he over receiving the money for the Topinards, so glad to bestow wealth according to his little ideas upon the one creature who loved Pons, that he heard not a word of lawsuit nor compromise.
At four o’clock that afternoon, several people gathered in Berthier’s office: Fraisier, the mastermind behind the whole scheme, Tabareau, representing Schmucke, and Schmucke himself. Gaudissart had come along with him. Fraisier had carefully laid out the cash on Berthier’s desk, and Schmucke was so dazzled by the sight of the six thousand-franc banknotes he had requested, along with six hundred francs for the first quarter’s allowance, that he didn’t pay any attention to the reading of the document. Poor man, he was hardly in his right mind, having already been shaken by so many shocks. Gaudissart had rushed him in right after the cemetery, where he had been speaking with Pons and promised to join him soon—very soon. So Schmucke didn’t listen to the introduction, which stated that Maitre Tabareau, the bailiff, was acting on his behalf and that the Presidente was taking legal action against him for her daughter’s sake. Overall, in that introduction, the German had a pitiful role, but he signed the document, thereby admitting the validity of Fraisier’s terrible accusations. He was so overjoyed to receive the money for the Topinards and so happy to share his wealth according to his own little ideas with the one person who cared for Pons, that he heard nothing about the lawsuit or compromise.
But in the middle of the reading a clerk came into the private office to speak to his employer. “There is a man here, sir, who wishes to speak to M. Schmucke,” said he.
But in the middle of the reading, a clerk walked into the private office to talk to his boss. “There's a man here, sir, who wants to speak to M. Schmucke,” he said.
The notary looked at Fraisier, and, taking his cue from him, shrugged his shoulders.
The notary glanced at Fraisier and, following his lead, shrugged his shoulders.
“Never disturb us when we are signing documents. Just ask his name—is it a man or a gentleman? Is he a creditor?”
“Never interrupt us when we're signing documents. Just ask his name—is he a man or a gentleman? Is he a creditor?”
The clerk went and returned. “He insists that he must speak to M. Schmucke.”
The clerk went and came back. “He insists that he needs to talk to M. Schmucke.”
“His name?”
"What's his name?"
“His name is Topinard, he says.”
“His name is Topinard, he says.”
“I will go out to him. Sign without disturbing yourself,” said Gaudissart, addressing Schmucke. “Make an end of it; I will find out what he wants with us.”
“I’ll go meet him. Don’t worry about it,” Gaudissart said to Schmucke. “Just wrap it up; I’ll figure out what he wants from us.”
Gaudissart understood Fraisier; both scented danger.
Gaudissart understood Fraisier; both sensed danger.
“Why are you here?” Gaudissart began. “So you have no mind to be cashier at the theatre? Discretion is a cashier’s first recommendation.”
“Why are you here?” Gaudissart started. “So you don’t want to be the cashier at the theater? Discretion is the most important quality for a cashier.”
“Sir—”
"Sir—"
“Just mind your own business; you will never be anything if you meddle in other people’s affairs.”
“Just focus on your own life; you won’t get anywhere if you interfere in other people’s business.”
“Sir, I cannot eat bread if every mouthful of it is to stick in my throat.... Monsieur Schmucke!—M. Schmucke!” he shouted aloud.
“Sir, I can't eat bread if every bite of it is going to stick in my throat.... Monsieur Schmucke!—M. Schmucke!” he shouted loudly.
Schmucke came out at the sound of Topinard’s voice. He had just signed. He held the money in his hand.
Schmucke stepped out at the sound of Topinard’s voice. He had just signed. He held the money in his hand.
“Thees ees for die liddle German maiden und for you,” he said.
“Thee is for the little German girl and for you,” he said.
“Oh! my dear M. Schmucke, you have given away your wealth to inhuman wretches, to people who are trying to take away your good name. I took this paper to a good man, an attorney who knows this Fraisier, and he says that you ought to punish such wickedness; you ought to let them summon you and leave them to get out of it.—Read this,” and Schmucke’s imprudent friend held out the summons delivered in the Cite Bordin.
“Oh! my dear M. Schmucke, you’ve given your money to cruel people who are trying to ruin your reputation. I showed this document to a decent guy—a lawyer who knows this Fraisier—and he says you should punish such evil; you should let them call you to court and leave it to them to figure it out. —Read this,” and Schmucke’s reckless friend handed over the summons delivered in the Cite Bordin.
Standing in the notary’s gateway, Schmucke read the document, saw the imputations made against him, and, all ignorant as he was of the amenities of the law, the blow was deadly. The little grain of sand stopped his heart’s beating. Topinard caught him in his arms, hailed a passing cab, and put the poor German into it. He was suffering from congestion of the brain; his eyes were dim, his head was throbbing, but he had enough strength left to put the money into Topinard’s hands.
Standing in the notary’s doorway, Schmucke read the document, saw the accusations made against him, and, completely unaware of the finer points of the law, the blow was devastating. The small grain of sand stopped his heart. Topinard caught him in his arms, hailed a passing cab, and helped the poor German into it. He was experiencing a brain congestion; his eyes were blurry, his head was pounding, but he still had enough strength to hand the money to Topinard.
Schmucke rallied from the first attack, but he never recovered consciousness, and refused to eat. Ten days afterwards he died without a complaint; to the last he had not spoken a word. Mme. Topinard nursed him, and Topinard laid him by Pons’ side. It was an obscure funeral; Topinard was the only mourner who followed the son of Germany to his last resting-place.
Schmucke came back from the first attack, but he never regained consciousness and wouldn’t eat. Ten days later, he died without saying a word; he hadn’t spoken at all until the end. Mme. Topinard took care of him, and Topinard buried him next to Pons. It was a quiet funeral; Topinard was the only person who showed up to say goodbye to the son of Germany.
Fraisier, now a justice of the peace, is very intimate with the President’s family, and much valued by the Presidente. She could not think of allowing him to marry “that girl of Tabareau’s,” and promised infinitely better things for the clever man to whom she considers she owes not merely the pasture-land and the English cottage at Marville, but also the President’s seat in the Chamber of Deputies, for M. le President was returned at the general election in 1846.
Fraisier, now a justice of the peace, is very close with the President’s family and is highly valued by the Presidente. She couldn’t imagine letting him marry “that girl from Tabareau,” and instead promised him much better options for the smart man to whom she feels she owes not just the pasture land and the English cottage at Marville, but also the President’s position in the Chamber of Deputies, since M. le President was elected in the general election of 1846.
Every one, no doubt, wishes to know what became of the heroine of a story only too veracious in its details; a chronicle which, taken with its twin sister the preceding volume, La Cousine Bette, proves that Character is a great social force. You, O amateurs, connoisseurs, and dealers, will guess at once that Pons’ collection is now in question. Wherefore it will suffice if we are present during a conversation that took place only a few days ago in Count Popinot’s house. He was showing his splendid collection to some visitors.
Everyone, of course, wants to know what happened to the heroine of a story that is all too real in its details; a tale that, when paired with its counterpart in the previous volume, La Cousine Bette, demonstrates that character is a powerful social force. You, dear enthusiasts, experts, and collectors, will instantly recognize that Pons’ collection is the topic at hand. Therefore, it will be enough for us to eavesdrop on a conversation that took place just a few days ago at Count Popinot’s house. He was showcasing his magnificent collection to some guests.
“M. le Comte, you possess treasures indeed,” remarked a distinguished foreigner.
“M. le Comte, you certainly have some impressive treasures,” said a distinguished foreigner.
“Oh! as to pictures, nobody can hope to rival an obscure collector, one Elie Magus, a Jew, an old monomaniac, the prince of picture-lovers,” the Count replied modestly. “And when I say nobody, I do not speak of Paris only, but of all Europe. When the old Croesus dies, France ought to spare seven or eight millions of francs to buy the gallery. For curiosities, my collection is good enough to be talked about—”
“Oh! When it comes to paintings, no one can compare to an obscure collector, one Elie Magus, a Jew, an eccentric old man, the ultimate art enthusiast,” the Count replied modestly. “And when I say no one, I’m not just talking about Paris, but all of Europe. When the old billionaire dies, France should set aside seven or eight million francs to buy the gallery. As for curiosities, my collection is impressive enough to be worth discussing—”
“But how, busy as you are, and with a fortune so honestly earned in the first instance in business—”
“But how, despite being so busy, and having a fortune that was honestly earned in the first place in business—”
“In the drug business,” broke in Popinot; “you ask how I can continue to interest myself in things that are a drug in the market—”
“In the drug business,” interrupted Popinot; “you’re asking how I can keep caring about things that are a drug on the market—”
“No,” returned the foreign visitor, “no, but how do you find time to collect? The curiosities do not come to find you.”
“No,” replied the foreign visitor, “no, but how do you find time to collect? The curiosities don’t come to you.”
“My father-in-law owned the nucleus of the collection,” said the young Vicomtess; “he loved the arts and beautiful work, but most of his treasures came to him through me.”
“My father-in-law owned the core of the collection,” said the young Vicomtess; “he loved the arts and beautiful craftsmanship, but most of his treasures came to him through me.”
“Through you, madame?—So young! and yet have you such vices as this?” asked a Russian prince.
“Through you, ma'am?—So young! And yet you have such vices as this?” asked a Russian prince.
Russians are by nature imitative; imitative indeed to such an extent that the diseases of civilization break out among them in epidemics. The bric-a-brac mania had appeared in an acute form in St. Petersburg, and the Russians caused such a rise of prices in the “art line,” as Remonencq would say, that collection became impossible. The prince who spoke had come to Paris solely to buy bric-a-brac.
Russians tend to imitate others; so much so that the issues of modern life often spread among them like epidemics. The obsession with collectibles became particularly intense in St. Petersburg, causing such a surge in prices in the “art market,” as Remonencq would say, that collecting anything became unfeasible. The prince who was speaking had traveled to Paris solely to shop for collectibles.
“The treasures came to me, prince, on the death of a cousin. He was very fond of me,” added the Vicomtesse Popinot, “and he had spent some forty odd years since 1805 in picking up these masterpieces everywhere, but more especially in Italy—”
“The treasures came to me, prince, when a cousin passed away. He cared for me a lot,” added the Vicomtesse Popinot, “and he had spent around forty years since 1805 collecting these masterpieces from all over, but especially in Italy—”
“And what was his name?” inquired the English lord.
“And what was his name?” asked the English lord.
“Pons,” said President Camusot.
"Pons," said President Camusot.
“A charming man he was,” piped the Presidente in her thin, flute tones, “very clever, very eccentric, and yet very good-hearted. This fan that you admire once belonged to Mme. de Pompadour; he gave it to me one morning with a pretty speech which you must permit me not to repeat,” and she glanced at her daughter.
“A charming man he was,” said the Presidente in her light, flute-like voice, “very clever, very eccentric, and yet very kind-hearted. This fan that you admire once belonged to Mme. de Pompadour; he gave it to me one morning with a lovely speech that I can’t repeat,” and she looked at her daughter.
“Mme. la Vicomtesse, tell us the pretty speech,” begged the Russian prince.
“Madame the Vicomtesse, please share the lovely speech,” pleaded the Russian prince.
“The speech was as pretty as the fan,” returned the Vicomtesse, who brought out the stereotyped remark on all occasions. “He told my mother that it was quite time that it should pass from the hands of vice into those of virtue.”
“The speech was as nice as the fan,” replied the Vicomtesse, who always used the same comment. “He told my mom that it was definitely time for it to move from the hands of vice to those of virtue.”
The English lord looked at Mme. Camusot de Marville with an air of doubt not a little gratifying to so withered a woman.
The English lord regarded Mme. Camusot de Marville with a hint of skepticism, which was somewhat flattering to a woman as aged as she was.
“He used to dine at our house two or three times a week,” she said; “he was so fond of us! We could appreciate him, and artists like the society of those who relish their wit. My husband was, besides, his one surviving relative. So when, quite unexpectedly, M. de Marville came into the property, M. le Comte preferred to take over the whole collection to save it from a sale by auction; and we ourselves much preferred to dispose of it in that way, for it would have been so painful to us to see the beautiful things, in which our dear cousin was so much interested, all scattered abroad. Elie Magus valued them, and in that way I became possessed of the cottage that your uncle built, and I hope you will do us the honor of coming to see us there.”
“He used to have dinner at our place two or three times a week,” she said; “he really liked us! We understood him, and artists enjoy the company of those who appreciate their humor. My husband was also his last living relative. So when, quite unexpectedly, M. de Marville inherited the property, M. le Comte decided to take the whole collection to prevent it from being sold at auction; and we much preferred to keep it that way because it would have been too painful for us to see the beautiful items, which our dear cousin cared so much about, scattered everywhere. Elie Magus appraised them, and that's how I ended up with the cottage that your uncle built, and I hope you will honor us by coming to visit us there.”
Gaudissart’s theatre passed into other hands a year ago, but M. Topinard is still the cashier. M. Topinard, however, has grown gloomy and misanthropic; he says little. People think that he has something on his conscience. Wags at the theatre suggest that his gloom dates from his marriage with Lolotte. Honest Topinard starts whenever he hears Fraisier’s name mentioned. Some people may think it strange that the one nature worthy of Pons and Schmucke should be found on the third floor beneath the stage of a boulevard theatre.
Gaudissart's theater changed ownership a year ago, but M. Topinard is still the cashier. However, M. Topinard has become gloomy and misanthropic; he rarely speaks. People believe he has something weighing on his conscience. Jokes at the theater suggest his melancholy began after marrying Lolotte. Honest Topinard flinches whenever he hears Fraisier's name mentioned. Some might find it odd that a person deserving of Pons and Schmucke ends up on the third floor beneath the stage of a boulevard theater.
Mme. Remonencq, much impressed with Mme. Fontaine’s prediction, declines to retire to the country. She is still living in her splendid shop on the Boulevard de la Madeleine, but she is a widow now for the second time. Remonencq, in fact, by the terms of the marriage contract, settled the property upon the survivor, and left a little glass of vitriol about for his wife to drink by mistake; but his wife, with the very best intentions, put the glass elsewhere, and Remonencq swallowed the draught himself. The rascal’s appropriate end vindicates Providence, as well as the chronicler of manners, who is sometimes accused of neglect on this head, perhaps because Providence has been so overworked by playwrights of late.
Mme. Remonencq, greatly impressed by Mme. Fontaine’s prediction, decides not to move to the countryside. She continues to live in her beautiful shop on the Boulevard de la Madeleine, but she is now a widow for the second time. Remonencq, in fact, had arranged in their marriage contract for the property to go to the survivor, and he left a small glass of poison lying around for his wife to accidentally drink; however, with the best intentions, she moved the glass elsewhere, and Remonencq ended up drinking it himself. The villain's fitting demise vindicates Providence, as well as the chronicler of manners, who sometimes faces criticism for neglecting this aspect, perhaps because Providence has been so burdened by playwrights lately.
ADDENDUM
The following personages appear in other stories of the Human Comedy.
Baudoyer, Isidore The Government Clerks The Middle Classes Berthier (Parisian notary) Cousin Betty Berthier, Madame The Muse of the Department Bixiou, Jean-Jacques The Purse A Bachelor’s Establishment The Government Clerks Modeste Mignon Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life The Firm of Nucingen The Muse of the Department Cousin Betty The Member for Arcis Beatrix A Man of Business Gaudissart II. The Unconscious Humorists Braulard A Distinguished Provincial at Paris Cousin Betty Brisetout, Heloise Cousin Betty The Middle Classes Camusot A Distinguished Provincial at Paris A Bachelor’s Establishment The Muse of the Department Cesar Birotteau At the Sign of the Cat and Racket Camusot de Marville Jealousies of a Country Town The Commission in Lunacy Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Camusot de Marville, Madame The Vendetta Cesar Birotteau Jealousies of a Country Town Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Cardot (Parisian notary) The Muse of the Department A Man of Business Jealousies of a Country Town Pierre Grassou The Middle Classes Chanor Cousin Betty Crevel, Celestin Cesar Birotteau Cousin Betty Crottat, Alexandre Cesar Birotteau Colonel Chabert A Start in Life A Woman of Thirty Desplein The Atheist’s Mass Lost Illusions The Thirteen The Government Clerks Pierrette A Bachelor’s Establishment The Seamy Side of History Modeste Mignon Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Honorine Florent Cousin Betty Fontaine, Madame The Unconscious Humorists Gaudissart, Felix Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Cesar Birotteau Honorine Gaudissart the Great Godeschal, Francois-Claude-Marie Colonel Chabert A Bachelor’s Establishment A Start in Life The Commission in Lunacy The Middle Classes Godeschal, Marie A Bachelor’s Establishment A Start in Life Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Gouraud, General, Baron Pierrette Graff, Wolfgang Cousin Betty Granville, Vicomte de (later Comte) The Gondreville Mystery Honorine A Second Home Farewell (Adieu) Cesar Birotteau Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life A Daughter of Eve Grassou, Pierre Pierre Grassou A Bachelor’s Establishment Cousin Betty The Middle Classes Hannequin, Leopold Albert Savarus Beatrix Cousin Betty Haudry (doctor) Cesar Birotteau The Thirteen A Bachelor’s Establishment The Seamy Side of History Lebrun (physician) Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Louchard Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Madeleine Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Magus, Elie The Vendetta A Marriage Settlement A Bachelor’s Establishment Pierre Grassou Matifat (wealthy druggist) Cesar Birotteau A Bachelor’s Establishment Lost Illusions A Distinguished Provincial at Paris The Firm of Nucingen Minard, Prudence The Middle Classes Pillerault, Claude-Joseph Cesar Birotteau Popinot, Anselme Cesar Birotteau Gaudissart the Great Cousin Betty Popinot, Madame Anselme Cesar Birotteau A Prince of Bohemia Cousin Betty Popinot, Vicomte Cousin Betty Rivet, Achille Cousin Betty Schmucke, Wilhelm A Daughter of Eve Ursule Mirouet Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Stevens, Dinah A Marriage Settlement Stidmann Modeste Mignon Beatrix The Member for Arcis Cousin Betty The Unconscious Humorists Thouvenin Cesar Birotteau Vinet Pierrette The Member for Arcis The Middle Classes Vinet, Olivier The Member for Arcis The Middle Classes Vivet, Madeleine Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life
Baudoyer, Isidore The Government Clerks The Middle Classes Berthier (Parisian notary) Cousin Betty Berthier, Madame The Muse of the Department Bixiou, Jean-Jacques The Purse A Bachelor’s Establishment The Government Clerks Modeste Mignon Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life The Firm of Nucingen The Muse of the Department Cousin Betty The Member for Arcis Beatrix A Man of Business Gaudissart II. The Unconscious Humorists Braulard A Distinguished Provincial at Paris Cousin Betty Brisetout, Heloise Cousin Betty The Middle Classes Camusot A Distinguished Provincial at Paris A Bachelor’s Establishment The Muse of the Department Cesar Birotteau At the Sign of the Cat and Racket Camusot de Marville Jealousies of a Country Town The Commission in Lunacy Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Camusot de Marville, Madame The Vendetta Cesar Birotteau Jealousies of a Country Town Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Cardot (Parisian notary) The Muse of the Department A Man of Business Jealousies of a Country Town Pierre Grassou The Middle Classes Chanor Cousin Betty Crevel, Celestin Cesar Birotteau Cousin Betty Crottat, Alexandre Cesar Birotteau Colonel Chabert A Start in Life A Woman of Thirty Desplein The Atheist’s Mass Lost Illusions The Thirteen The Government Clerks Pierrette A Bachelor’s Establishment The Seamy Side of History Modeste Mignon Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Honorine Florent Cousin Betty Fontaine, Madame The Unconscious Humorists Gaudissart, Felix Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Cesar Birotteau Honorine Gaudissart the Great Godeschal, Francois-Claude-Marie Colonel Chabert A Bachelor’s Establishment A Start in Life The Commission in Lunacy The Middle Classes Godeschal, Marie A Bachelor’s Establishment A Start in Life Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Gouraud, General, Baron Pierrette Graff, Wolfgang Cousin Betty Granville, Vicomte de (later Comte) The Gondreville Mystery Honorine A Second Home Farewell (Adieu) Cesar Birotteau Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life A Daughter of Eve Grassou, Pierre Pierre Grassou A Bachelor’s Establishment Cousin Betty The Middle Classes Hannequin, Leopold Albert Savarus Beatrix Cousin Betty Haudry (doctor) Cesar Birotteau The Thirteen A Bachelor’s Establishment The Seamy Side of History Lebrun (physician) Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Louchard Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Madeleine Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Magus, Elie The Vendetta A Marriage Settlement A Bachelor’s Establishment Pierre Grassou Matifat (wealthy druggist) Cesar Birotteau A Bachelor’s Establishment Lost Illusions A Distinguished Provincial at Paris The Firm of Nucingen Minard, Prudence The Middle Classes Pillerault, Claude-Joseph Cesar Birotteau Popinot, Anselme Cesar Birotteau Gaudissart the Great Cousin Betty Popinot, Madame Anselme Cesar Birotteau A Prince of Bohemia Cousin Betty Popinot, Vicomte Cousin Betty Rivet, Achille Cousin Betty Schmucke, Wilhelm A Daughter of Eve Ursule Mirouet Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life Stevens, Dinah A Marriage Settlement Stidmann Modeste Mignon Beatrix The Member for Arcis Cousin Betty The Unconscious Humorists Thouvenin Cesar Birotteau Vinet Pierrette The Member for Arcis The Middle Classes Vinet, Olivier The Member for Arcis The Middle Classes Vivet, Madeleine Scenes from a Courtesan’s Life
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