This is a modern-English version of The Blithedale Romance, originally written by Hawthorne, Nathaniel.
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and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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The Blithedale Romance
by
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Table of Contents
I. | OLD MOODIE |
II. | BLITHEDALE |
III. | A KNOT OF DREAMERS |
IV. | THE SUPPER-TABLE |
V. | UNTIL BEDTIME |
VI. | COVERDALE'S SICK CHAMBER |
VII. | THE CONVALESCENT |
VIII. | A MODERN ARCADIA |
IX. | HOLLINGSWORTH, ZENOBIA, PRISCILLA |
X. | A VISITOR FROM TOWN |
XI. | THE WOOD-PATH |
XII. | COVERDALE'S HERMITAGE |
XIII. | ZENOBIA'S LEGEND |
XIV. | ELIOT'S PULPIT |
XV. | A CRISIS |
XVI. | LEAVE-TAKINGS |
XVII. | THE HOTEL |
XVIII. | THE BOARDING-HOUSE |
XIX. | ZENOBIA'S DRAWING-ROOM |
XX. | THEY VANISH |
XXI. | AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE |
XXII. | FAUNTLEROY |
XXIII. | A VILLAGE HALL |
XXIV. | THE MASQUERADERS |
XXV. | THE THREE TOGETHER |
XXVI. | ZENOBIA AND COVERDALE |
XXVII. | MIDNIGHT |
XXVIII. | BLITHEDALE PASTURE |
XXIX. | MILES COVERDALE'S CONFESSION |
I. OLD MOODIE
The evening before my departure for Blithedale, I was returning to my bachelor apartments, after attending the wonderful exhibition of the Veiled Lady, when an elderly man of rather shabby appearance met me in an obscure part of the street.
The night before I left for Blithedale, I was heading back to my bachelor pad after seeing the amazing exhibit of the Veiled Lady when I ran into an older man who looked a bit worn out in a secluded part of the street.
"Mr. Coverdale," said he softly, "can I speak with you a moment?"
"Mr. Coverdale," he said softly, "can I talk to you for a second?"
As I have casually alluded to the Veiled Lady, it may not be amiss to mention, for the benefit of such of my readers as are unacquainted with her now forgotten celebrity, that she was a phenomenon in the mesmeric line; one of the earliest that had indicated the birth of a new science, or the revival of an old humbug. Since those times her sisterhood have grown too numerous to attract much individual notice; nor, in fact, has any one of them come before the public under such skilfully contrived circumstances of stage effect as those which at once mystified and illuminated the remarkable performances of the lady in question. Nowadays, in the management of his "subject," "clairvoyant," or "medium," the exhibitor affects the simplicity and openness of scientific experiment; and even if he profess to tread a step or two across the boundaries of the spiritual world, yet carries with him the laws of our actual life and extends them over his preternatural conquests. Twelve or fifteen years ago, on the contrary, all the arts of mysterious arrangement, of picturesque disposition, and artistically contrasted light and shade, were made available, in order to set the apparent miracle in the strongest attitude of opposition to ordinary facts. In the case of the Veiled Lady, moreover, the interest of the spectator was further wrought up by the enigma of her identity, and an absurd rumor (probably set afloat by the exhibitor, and at one time very prevalent) that a beautiful young lady, of family and fortune, was enshrouded within the misty drapery of the veil. It was white, with somewhat of a subdued silver sheen, like the sunny side of a cloud; and, falling over the wearer from head to foot, was supposed to insulate her from the material world, from time and space, and to endow her with many of the privileges of a disembodied spirit.
As I've casually mentioned the Veiled Lady, it’s worth noting, for those of my readers who aren't familiar with her now-forgotten fame, that she was a standout in the field of mesmerism; one of the first to signify the emergence of a new science or the revival of an old trick. Since then, her peers have multiplied to the point where they don't draw much individual attention; nor has any one of them appeared in public with the cleverly crafted stage effects that both mystified and showcased the impressive acts of the lady in question. Nowadays, when managing his "subject," "clairvoyant," or "medium," the performer pretends to maintain the straightforwardness and transparency of a scientific experiment; and even if he claims to venture a couple of steps into the spiritual realm, he still applies the rules of our actual life to his supernatural feats. Twelve to fifteen years ago, on the other hand, every trick of mysterious arrangement, artistic staging, and skillful contrasts of light and shadow was employed to make the apparent miracle seem starkly opposed to ordinary reality. In the case of the Veiled Lady, the audience's intrigue was further heightened by the mystery of her identity, along with an absurd rumor (likely started by the exhibitor and once widely believed) that a beautiful young woman of notable family and wealth was hidden beneath the misty veil. The veil was white, with a somewhat muted silver sheen, similar to the sunny side of a cloud; and it draped over her from head to toe, believed to insulate her from the physical world, transcending time and space, and to grant her many of the abilities of a disembodied spirit.
Her pretensions, however, whether miraculous or otherwise, have little to do with the present narrative—except, indeed, that I had propounded, for the Veiled Lady's prophetic solution, a query as to the success of our Blithedale enterprise. The response, by the bye, was of the true Sibylline stamp,—nonsensical in its first aspect, yet on closer study unfolding a variety of interpretations, one of which has certainly accorded with the event. I was turning over this riddle in my mind, and trying to catch its slippery purport by the tail, when the old man above mentioned interrupted me.
Her claims, whether extraordinary or not, don't really connect with the story we're telling—except that I had asked the Veiled Lady for a prophetic answer about how our Blithedale project would turn out. The reply, by the way, was definitely in the style of the Sibyl—silly at first glance, but upon further reflection revealing several meanings, one of which has definitely matched what actually happened. I was mulling over this puzzle in my head, trying to grasp its elusive meaning, when the old man I mentioned earlier interrupted me.
"Mr. Coverdale!—Mr. Coverdale!" said he, repeating my name twice, in order to make up for the hesitating and ineffectual way in which he uttered it. "I ask your pardon, sir, but I hear you are going to Blithedale tomorrow."
"Mr. Coverdale!—Mr. Coverdale!" he said, repeating my name twice to compensate for the unsure and ineffective way he had said it. "I apologize, sir, but I heard you’re going to Blithedale tomorrow."
I knew the pale, elderly face, with the red-tipt nose, and the patch over one eye; and likewise saw something characteristic in the old fellow's way of standing under the arch of a gate, only revealing enough of himself to make me recognize him as an acquaintance. He was a very shy personage, this Mr. Moodie; and the trait was the more singular, as his mode of getting his bread necessarily brought him into the stir and hubbub of the world more than the generality of men.
I recognized the pale, old face with the red-tipped nose and the patch over one eye, and I also noticed something distinctive about the way the old man stood under the arch of the gate, just showing enough of himself for me to identify him as someone I knew. He was a really shy guy, this Mr. Moodie; it was especially unusual because the way he made a living forced him to be in the hustle and bustle of life more than most people.
"Yes, Mr. Moodie," I answered, wondering what interest he could take in the fact, "it is my intention to go to Blithedale to-morrow. Can I be of any service to you before my departure?"
"Yes, Mr. Moodie," I replied, wondering what he could be interested in, "I plan to head to Blithedale tomorrow. Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?"
"If you pleased, Mr. Coverdale," said he, "you might do me a very great favor."
"If you wouldn't mind, Mr. Coverdale," he said, "you could do me a huge favor."
"A very great one?" repeated I, in a tone that must have expressed but little alacrity of beneficence, although I was ready to do the old man any amount of kindness involving no special trouble to myself. "A very great favor, do you say? My time is brief, Mr. Moodie, and I have a good many preparations to make. But be good enough to tell me what you wish."
"A really big favor?" I said, probably sounding less enthusiastic than I expected, even though I was willing to help the old man in any way that didn’t require much effort from me. "A really big favor, you say? My time is limited, Mr. Moodie, and I have quite a few things to prepare. But please, let me know what you need."
"Ah, sir," replied Old Moodie, "I don't quite like to do that; and, on further thoughts, Mr. Coverdale, perhaps I had better apply to some older gentleman, or to some lady, if you would have the kindness to make me known to one, who may happen to be going to Blithedale. You are a young man, sir!"
"Ah, sir," replied Old Moodie, "I'm not really comfortable doing that; and, on second thought, Mr. Coverdale, maybe I should reach out to someone older, or perhaps a lady, if you wouldn't mind introducing me to one, who might be heading to Blithedale. You are a young man, sir!"
"Does that fact lessen my availability for your purpose?" asked I. "However, if an older man will suit you better, there is Mr. Hollingsworth, who has three or four years the advantage of me in age, and is a much more solid character, and a philanthropist to boot. I am only a poet, and, so the critics tell me, no great affair at that! But what can this business be, Mr. Moodie? It begins to interest me; especially since your hint that a lady's influence might be found desirable. Come, I am really anxious to be of service to you."
"Does that make me less available for what you need?" I asked. "But if an older man works better for you, there's Mr. Hollingsworth, who is three or four years older than me and has a much more respectable character, plus he's a philanthropist as well. I'm just a poet, and according to the critics, not a very good one at that! But what is this all about, Mr. Moodie? I'm starting to find it interesting, especially with your suggestion that a woman's influence might be helpful. Come on, I really want to help you."
But the old fellow, in his civil and demure manner, was both freakish and obstinate; and he had now taken some notion or other into his head that made him hesitate in his former design.
But the old guy, in his polite and reserved way, was both quirky and stubborn; and he had now gotten some idea in his head that made him second-guess his earlier plan.
"I wonder, sir," said he, "whether you know a lady whom they call Zenobia?"
"I wonder, sir," he said, "if you know a woman named Zenobia?"
"Not personally," I answered, "although I expect that pleasure to-morrow, as she has got the start of the rest of us, and is already a resident at Blithedale. But have you a literary turn, Mr. Moodie? or have you taken up the advocacy of women's rights? or what else can have interested you in this lady? Zenobia, by the bye, as I suppose you know, is merely her public name; a sort of mask in which she comes before the world, retaining all the privileges of privacy,—a contrivance, in short, like the white drapery of the Veiled Lady, only a little more transparent. But it is late. Will you tell me what I can do for you?"
"Not personally," I replied, "but I expect to enjoy that tomorrow since she’s ahead of the rest of us and already living at Blithedale. But do you have a literary interest, Mr. Moodie? Or have you taken up the cause of women's rights? What has drawn you to this lady? Zenobia, by the way, as I assume you know, is just her public name; it’s a kind of disguise that allows her to present herself to the world while still keeping her privacy—essentially a simple version of the white drapery worn by the Veiled Lady, just a bit more sheer. But it's getting late. How can I assist you?"
"Please to excuse me to-night, Mr. Coverdale," said Moodie. "You are very kind; but I am afraid I have troubled you, when, after all, there may be no need. Perhaps, with your good leave, I will come to your lodgings to-morrow morning, before you set out for Blithedale. I wish you a good-night, sir, and beg pardon for stopping you."
"Please excuse me tonight, Mr. Coverdale," said Moodie. "You're very kind, but I’m afraid I’ve troubled you when there might not have been any need. Perhaps, if you don’t mind, I’ll come by your place tomorrow morning before you head out for Blithedale. I wish you a good night, sir, and I’m sorry for holding you up."
And so he slipt away; and, as he did not show himself the next morning, it was only through subsequent events that I ever arrived at a plausible conjecture as to what his business could have been. Arriving at my room, I threw a lump of cannel coal upon the grate, lighted a cigar, and spent an hour in musings of every hue, from the brightest to the most sombre; being, in truth, not so very confident as at some former periods that this final step, which would mix me up irrevocably with the Blithedale affair, was the wisest that could possibly be taken. It was nothing short of midnight when I went to bed, after drinking a glass of particularly fine sherry on which I used to pride myself in those days. It was the very last bottle; and I finished it, with a friend, the next forenoon, before setting out for Blithedale.
And so he slipped away; and since he didn’t show up the next morning, it was only through later events that I figured out what he might have been up to. When I got to my room, I tossed a piece of cannel coal into the fireplace, lit a cigar, and spent an hour lost in thoughts of every kind, from the most positive to the darkest; honestly, I wasn’t as sure as I had been at other times that this final move, which would tie me forever to the Blithedale situation, was the smartest thing I could do. It was nearly midnight when I went to bed, after enjoying a glass of particularly good sherry that I used to take pride in back then. It was the very last bottle, and I finished it with a friend the next morning before heading out to Blithedale.
II. BLITHEDALE
There can hardly remain for me (who am really getting to be a frosty bachelor, with another white hair, every week or so, in my mustache), there can hardly flicker up again so cheery a blaze upon the hearth, as that which I remember, the next day, at Blithedale. It was a wood fire, in the parlor of an old farmhouse, on an April afternoon, but with the fitful gusts of a wintry snowstorm roaring in the chimney. Vividly does that fireside re-create itself, as I rake away the ashes from the embers in my memory, and blow them up with a sigh, for lack of more inspiring breath. Vividly for an instant, but anon, with the dimmest gleam, and with just as little fervency for my heart as for my finger-ends! The staunch oaken logs were long ago burnt out. Their genial glow must be represented, if at all, by the merest phosphoric glimmer, like that which exudes, rather than shines, from damp fragments of decayed trees, deluding the benighted wanderer through a forest. Around such chill mockery of a fire some few of us might sit on the withered leaves, spreading out each a palm towards the imaginary warmth, and talk over our exploded scheme for beginning the life of Paradise anew.
I can hardly believe that for me—who is really becoming a chilly bachelor, with another white hair in my mustache every week or so—there can hardly be a bright fire on the hearth again like the one I remember the next day at Blithedale. It was a wood fire in the living room of an old farmhouse on an April afternoon, yet gusts of a winter snowstorm were roaring down the chimney. That fireside comes rushing back to me as I sift through the ashes of my memory and puff them up with a sigh, wishing for something more inspiring to breathe life into it. It’s vivid for a moment, but then it fades, offering little warmth to my heart or fingertips! The sturdy oak logs burned out long ago. Their welcoming glow can only be depicted by a faint phosphorescent glimmer, like what comes from damp pieces of decayed wood, deceiving a lost traveler in the woods. Around such a cold imitation of a fire, a few of us might sit on the dry leaves, each reaching out a hand to the imaginary warmth, reminiscing about our failed plan to start a new life in Paradise.
Paradise, indeed! Nobody else in the world, I am bold to affirm—nobody, at least, in our bleak little world of New England,—had dreamed of Paradise that day except as the pole suggests the tropic. Nor, with such materials as were at hand, could the most skilful architect have constructed any better imitation of Eve's bower than might be seen in the snow hut of an Esquimaux. But we made a summer of it, in spite of the wild drifts.
Paradise, for sure! No one else in the world, I’m confident in saying—no one, at least, in our dreary little corner of New England—had imagined Paradise that day except as the pole suggests the tropics. Nor, with the materials we had, could even the most talented architect have created a better imitation of Eve's garden than what you’d find in an Eskimo’s snow hut. But we made a summer out of it, despite the wild snowdrifts.
It was an April day, as already hinted, and well towards the middle of the month. When morning dawned upon me, in town, its temperature was mild enough to be pronounced even balmy, by a lodger, like myself, in one of the midmost houses of a brick block,—each house partaking of the warmth of all the rest, besides the sultriness of its individual furnace—heat. But towards noon there had come snow, driven along the street by a northeasterly blast, and whitening the roofs and sidewalks with a business-like perseverance that would have done credit to our severest January tempest. It set about its task apparently as much in earnest as if it had been guaranteed from a thaw for months to come. The greater, surely, was my heroism, when, puffing out a final whiff of cigar-smoke, I quitted my cosey pair of bachelor-rooms,—with a good fire burning in the grate, and a closet right at hand, where there was still a bottle or two in the champagne basket and a residuum of claret in a box,—quitted, I say, these comfortable quarters, and plunged into the heart of the pitiless snowstorm, in quest of a better life.
It was an April day, as I mentioned earlier, and well into the middle of the month. When morning arrived in town, the temperature was mild enough that someone like me, living in the middle of a brick block, could call it balmy—since each house shared warmth with the others, along with the heat from its own furnace. But by noon, snow had begun to fall, blown along the street by a northeasterly wind, covering the roofs and sidewalks with a relentless determination that would have made our harshest January storm proud. It seemed to take on its task as seriously as if it wouldn’t melt for months ahead. All the more heroic was my decision to leave my cozy bachelor apartment—where a nice fire was crackling in the fireplace, and just a few steps away, I had a closet with a couple of bottles in the champagne basket and some leftover claret in a box—and step into the heart of the merciless snowstorm, searching for a better life.
The better life! Possibly, it would hardly look so now; it is enough if it looked so then. The greatest obstacle to being heroic is the doubt whether one may not be going to prove one's self a fool; the truest heroism is to resist the doubt; and the profoundest wisdom to know when it ought to be resisted, and when to be obeyed.
The better life! It might not look like that now; what matters is that it looked like that then. The biggest barrier to being heroic is the fear that you might end up looking foolish; true heroism lies in overcoming that fear. The deepest wisdom is knowing when to push through the doubt and when to listen to it.
Yet, after all, let us acknowledge it wiser, if not more sagacious, to follow out one's daydream to its natural consummation, although, if the vision have been worth the having, it is certain never to be consummated otherwise than by a failure. And what of that? Its airiest fragments, impalpable as they may be, will possess a value that lurks not in the most ponderous realities of any practicable scheme. They are not the rubbish of the mind. Whatever else I may repent of, therefore, let it be reckoned neither among my sins nor follies that I once had faith and force enough to form generous hopes of the world's destiny—yes!—and to do what in me lay for their accomplishment; even to the extent of quitting a warm fireside, flinging away a freshly lighted cigar, and travelling far beyond the strike of city clocks, through a drifting snowstorm.
Yet, after all, let’s recognize that it’s wiser, if not more insightful, to chase a daydream to its natural end. Even if the vision was worth having, it’s certain to end in failure. So what? Its most ethereal fragments, as intangible as they may be, hold a value that doesn’t exist in the heaviest realities of any viable plan. They aren’t just the trash of the mind. Whatever else I might regret, let’s not count it among my sins or mistakes that I once had enough faith and strength to hold onto generous hopes for the world’s future—yes!—and to do what I could to make them happen; even to the point of leaving a cozy fireside, tossing aside a freshly lit cigar, and traveling far beyond the reach of city clocks, through a swirling snowstorm.
There were four of us who rode together through the storm; and Hollingsworth, who had agreed to be of the number, was accidentally delayed, and set forth at a later hour alone. As we threaded the streets, I remember how the buildings on either side seemed to press too closely upon us, insomuch that our mighty hearts found barely room enough to throb between them. The snowfall, too, looked inexpressibly dreary (I had almost called it dingy), coming down through an atmosphere of city smoke, and alighting on the sidewalk only to be moulded into the impress of somebody's patched boot or overshoe. Thus the track of an old conventionalism was visible on what was freshest from the sky. But when we left the pavements, and our muffled hoof-tramps beat upon a desolate extent of country road, and were effaced by the unfettered blast as soon as stamped, then there was better air to breathe. Air that had not been breathed once and again! air that had not been spoken into words of falsehood, formality, and error, like all the air of the dusky city!
There were four of us who rode together through the storm; and Hollingsworth, who had agreed to join us, was unexpectedly delayed and set off at a later time on his own. As we navigated the streets, I remember how the buildings on either side felt like they were closing in on us, making it hard for our strong hearts to find enough space to beat between them. The snowfall, too, seemed incredibly gloomy (I almost called it dirty), coming down through the city's smoky air and landing on the sidewalk only to be shaped by someone’s worn-out boot or overshoe. So, the mark of an old convention was visible on what was the freshest thing from the sky. But when we left the sidewalks, and our muffled hoof-steps echoed over a lonely stretch of country road, quickly disappearing in the unrestrained wind, there was better air to breathe. Air that hadn't been breathed before! Air that hadn’t been twisted into lies, formality, or misconceptions, unlike all the air of the gloomy city!
"How pleasant it is!" remarked I, while the snowflakes flew into my mouth the moment it was opened. "How very mild and balmy is this country air!"
"How nice it is!" I said, as the snowflakes flew into my mouth the moment I opened it. "How mild and refreshing is this country air!"
"Ah, Coverdale, don't laugh at what little enthusiasm you have left!" said one of my companions. "I maintain that this nitrous atmosphere is really exhilarating; and, at any rate, we can never call ourselves regenerated men till a February northeaster shall be as grateful to us as the softest breeze of June!"
"Ah, Coverdale, don’t mock the little enthusiasm you still have!" said one of my friends. "I believe that this chilly atmosphere is actually refreshing; and, in any case, we can’t claim to be transformed men until a February northeast wind feels as welcome to us as the gentlest breeze of June!"
So we all of us took courage, riding fleetly and merrily along, by stone fences that were half buried in the wave-like drifts; and through patches of woodland, where the tree-trunks opposed a snow-incrusted side towards the northeast; and within ken of deserted villas, with no footprints in their avenues; and passed scattered dwellings, whence puffed the smoke of country fires, strongly impregnated with the pungent aroma of burning peat. Sometimes, encountering a traveller, we shouted a friendly greeting; and he, unmuffling his ears to the bluster and the snow-spray, and listening eagerly, appeared to think our courtesy worth less than the trouble which it cost him. The churl! He understood the shrill whistle of the blast, but had no intelligence for our blithe tones of brotherhood. This lack of faith in our cordial sympathy, on the traveller's part, was one among the innumerable tokens how difficult a task we had in hand for the reformation of the world. We rode on, however, with still unflagging spirits, and made such good companionship with the tempest that, at our journey's end, we professed ourselves almost loath to bid the rude blusterer good-by. But, to own the truth, I was little better than an icicle, and began to be suspicious that I had caught a fearful cold.
So we all gathered our courage, riding quickly and happily along, beside stone fences that were half buried in the wave-like drifts; through patches of woods, where the tree trunks faced the northeast covered in snow; near abandoned villas with no footprints in their paths; and passed by scattered homes, where the smoke from country fires wafted, heavily infused with the strong scent of burning peat. Sometimes, when we came across another traveler, we shouted a friendly greeting, but he would uncover his ears from the wind and the snow, listening intently, and seemed to think our friendliness wasn't worth the effort. What a jerk! He could hear the sharp whistle of the wind but ignored our cheerful tones of camaraderie. This disbelief in our friendly gestures from the traveler was just one of the many signs of how tough our mission to change the world was. Still, we continued on with unyielding spirits, and by the end of our journey, we found ourselves almost reluctant to say goodbye to the rude storm. But to be honest, I felt more like an icicle and started to suspect that I had caught a really bad cold.
And now we were seated by the brisk fireside of the old farmhouse, the same fire that glimmers so faintly among my reminiscences at the beginning of this chapter. There we sat, with the snow melting out of our hair and beards, and our faces all ablaze, what with the past inclemency and present warmth. It was, indeed, a right good fire that we found awaiting us, built up of great, rough logs, and knotty limbs, and splintered fragments of an oak-tree, such as farmers are wont to keep for their own hearths, since these crooked and unmanageable boughs could never be measured into merchantable cords for the market. A family of the old Pilgrims might have swung their kettle over precisely such a fire as this, only, no doubt, a bigger one; and, contrasting it with my coal-grate, I felt so much the more that we had transported ourselves a world-wide distance from the system of society that shackled us at breakfast-time.
And now we were sitting by the cozy fire at the old farmhouse, the same fire that glimmers faintly in my memories at the beginning of this chapter. There we sat, with the snow melting from our hair and beards, our faces glowing from the contrast of the cold we had just left and the warmth surrounding us now. It was truly a great fire that awaited us, made of large, rough logs, gnarled branches, and splintered pieces of an oak tree, which farmers often save for their own fireplaces since those twisted, unmanageable branches can’t be sold as firewood. A family of the old Pilgrims could have hung their kettle over a fire just like this one, but probably a bigger one; and as I compared it to my coal grate, I felt even more that we had transported ourselves a world away from the constraints of society that had held us down at breakfast.
Good, comfortable Mrs. Foster (the wife of stout Silas Foster, who was to manage the farm at a fair stipend, and be our tutor in the art of husbandry) bade us a hearty welcome. At her back—a back of generous breadth—appeared two young women, smiling most hospitably, but looking rather awkward withal, as not well knowing what was to be their position in our new arrangement of the world. We shook hands affectionately all round, and congratulated ourselves that the blessed state of brotherhood and sisterhood, at which we aimed, might fairly be dated from this moment. Our greetings were hardly concluded when the door opened, and Zenobia—whom I had never before seen, important as was her place in our enterprise—Zenobia entered the parlor.
Good, friendly Mrs. Foster (the wife of sturdy Silas Foster, who was set to run the farm for a reasonable salary and teach us the skills of farming) welcomed us warmly. Behind her—a back of generous width—stood two young women, smiling cheerfully but looking a bit unsure, as they weren't quite clear on what their role would be in our new arrangement. We exchanged warm handshakes all around and felt that the wonderful bond of brotherhood and sisterhood we were aiming for could really start from this moment. Our greetings were barely finished when the door opened, and Zenobia—whom I had never seen before, despite her significant role in our venture—stepped into the room.
This (as the reader, if at all acquainted with our literary biography, need scarcely be told) was not her real name. She had assumed it, in the first instance, as her magazine signature; and, as it accorded well with something imperial which her friends attributed to this lady's figure and deportment, they half-laughingly adopted it in their familiar intercourse with her. She took the appellation in good part, and even encouraged its constant use; which, in fact, was thus far appropriate, that our Zenobia, however humble looked her new philosophy, had as much native pride as any queen would have known what to do with.
This, as anyone familiar with our literary background hardly needs to be told, wasn't her real name. She had taken it on initially as her magazine pen name, and since it suited the somewhat regal vibe her friends associated with her appearance and behavior, they jokingly started using it in their casual conversations with her. She accepted the nickname positively and even encouraged its frequent use, which was fitting in that our Zenobia, no matter how modest her new philosophy appeared, had as much natural pride as any queen would know what to do with.
III. A KNOT OF DREAMERS
Zenobia bade us welcome, in a fine, frank, mellow voice, and gave each of us her hand, which was very soft and warm. She had something appropriate, I recollect, to say to every individual; and what she said to myself was this:—"I have long wished to know you, Mr. Coverdale, and to thank you for your beautiful poetry, some of which I have learned by heart; or rather it has stolen into my memory, without my exercising any choice or volition about the matter. Of course—permit me to say you do not think of relinquishing an occupation in which you have done yourself so much credit. I would almost rather give you up as an associate, than that the world should lose one of its true poets!"
Zenobia welcomed us with a warm, genuine voice and shook each of our hands, which felt soft and warm. She had something nice to say to everyone; what she said to me was, "I've wanted to meet you, Mr. Coverdale, and thank you for your beautiful poetry, some of which I've memorized—though it’s more like it found its way into my mind without me even trying. Of course—let me say, I hope you don’t consider giving up an occupation that has brought you so much credit. I’d almost rather lose you as a friend than let the world lose one of its true poets!"
"Ah, no; there will not be the slightest danger of that, especially after this inestimable praise from Zenobia," said I, smiling, and blushing, no doubt, with excess of pleasure. "I hope, on the contrary, now to produce something that shall really deserve to be called poetry,—true, strong, natural, and sweet, as is the life which we are going to lead,—something that shall have the notes of wild birds twittering through it, or a strain like the wind anthems in the woods, as the case may be."
"Ah, no; there’s no chance of that, especially after this incredible praise from Zenobia," I said, smiling and, no doubt, blushing with joy. "I hope to create something that truly deserves to be called poetry—something real, powerful, natural, and beautiful, just like the life we’re about to lead—something that has the sounds of wild birds chirping in it, or a melody like the wind singing through the trees, depending on what fits."
"Is it irksome to you to hear your own verses sung?" asked Zenobia, with a gracious smile. "If so, I am very sorry, for you will certainly hear me singing them sometimes, in the summer evenings."
"Is it annoying for you to hear your own poems sung?" asked Zenobia, with a warm smile. "If so, I'm really sorry, because you will definitely hear me singing them sometimes on summer evenings."
"Of all things," answered I, "that is what will delight me most."
"Of all things," I replied, "that’s what will make me the happiest."
While this passed, and while she spoke to my companions, I was taking note of Zenobia's aspect; and it impressed itself on me so distinctly, that I can now summon her up, like a ghost, a little wanner than the life but otherwise identical with it. She was dressed as simply as possible, in an American print (I think the dry-goods people call it so), but with a silken kerchief, between which and her gown there was one glimpse of a white shoulder. It struck me as a great piece of good fortune that there should be just that glimpse. Her hair, which was dark, glossy, and of singular abundance, was put up rather soberly and primly—without curls, or other ornament, except a single flower. It was an exotic of rare beauty, and as fresh as if the hothouse gardener had just clipt it from the stem. That flower has struck deep root into my memory. I can both see it and smell it, at this moment. So brilliant, so rare, so costly as it must have been, and yet enduring only for a day, it was more indicative of the pride and pomp which had a luxuriant growth in Zenobia's character than if a great diamond had sparkled among her hair.
While this was happening, and while she chatted with my friends, I was paying close attention to Zenobia's appearance; it made such a strong impression on me that I can now recall her like a ghost, slightly paler than life but otherwise identical. She was dressed as simply as possible in a print dress (I think that’s what the dry-goods people call it), but she had a silk scarf that offered a glimpse of a white shoulder between her gown and the fabric. I felt it was extremely fortunate to see just that glimpse. Her hair, which was dark, shiny, and unusually thick, was styled rather conservatively—without curls or any decoration except for a single flower. It was a rare, exotic flower, as fresh as if the greenhouse gardener had just snipped it from the stem. That flower has taken deep root in my memory. I can both see and smell it right now. So vibrant, so rare, so expensive as it must have been, and yet lasting only a day, it was more reflective of the pride and extravagance that flourished in Zenobia’s character than if a large diamond had shimmered in her hair.
Her hand, though very soft, was larger than most women would like to have, or than they could afford to have, though not a whit too large in proportion with the spacious plan of Zenobia's entire development. It did one good to see a fine intellect (as hers really was, although its natural tendency lay in another direction than towards literature) so fitly cased. She was, indeed, an admirable figure of a woman, just on the hither verge of her richest maturity, with a combination of features which it is safe to call remarkably beautiful, even if some fastidious persons might pronounce them a little deficient in softness and delicacy. But we find enough of those attributes everywhere. Preferable—by way of variety, at least—was Zenobia's bloom, health, and vigor, which she possessed in such overflow that a man might well have fallen in love with her for their sake only. In her quiet moods, she seemed rather indolent; but when really in earnest, particularly if there were a spice of bitter feeling, she grew all alive to her finger-tips.
Her hand, while very soft, was larger than most women would prefer or could reasonably have, though it didn't feel too large considering Zenobia's overall impressive stature. It was refreshing to see a brilliant mind (which hers truly was, even if it leaned more towards different interests than literature) so well represented. She was, in fact, a striking woman, right on the edge of her full maturity, with a blend of features that could certainly be called exceptionally beautiful, even if some picky individuals might say they were slightly lacking in softness and delicacy. But we find plenty of those qualities everywhere. Zenobia's vibrancy, health, and energy were preferable—at least for the sake of variety—so much so that a man could easily fall for her just because of them. In her calm moments, she seemed somewhat lazy; but when she was truly passionate, especially if there was a hint of bitterness, she became fully alive, even to her fingertips.
"I am the first comer," Zenobia went on to say, while her smile beamed warmth upon us all; "so I take the part of hostess for to-day, and welcome you as if to my own fireside. You shall be my guests, too, at supper. Tomorrow, if you please, we will be brethren and sisters, and begin our new life from daybreak."
"I’m the first one here," Zenobia continued, her smile radiating warmth; "so I’ll play the host today and welcome you as if you were at my own home. You’ll be my guests for dinner too. Tomorrow, if you’re up for it, we’ll be like family and start our new life together at sunrise."
"Have we our various parts assigned?" asked some one.
"Do we have our different roles assigned?" someone asked.
"Oh, we of the softer sex," responded Zenobia, with her mellow, almost broad laugh,—most delectable to hear, but not in the least like an ordinary woman's laugh,—"we women (there are four of us here already) will take the domestic and indoor part of the business, as a matter of course. To bake, to boil, to roast, to fry, to stew,—to wash, and iron, and scrub, and sweep,—and, at our idler intervals, to repose ourselves on knitting and sewing,—these, I suppose, must be feminine occupations, for the present. By and by, perhaps, when our individual adaptations begin to develop themselves, it may be that some of us who wear the petticoat will go afield, and leave the weaker brethren to take our places in the kitchen."
"Oh, we of the gentler sex," replied Zenobia, with her warm, almost hearty laugh — truly delightful to hear but definitely not like a typical woman's laugh — "we women (there are already four of us here) will handle the domestic and indoor aspects of the work, as expected. To bake, to boil, to roast, to fry, to stew — to wash, iron, scrub, and sweep — and, during our free moments, to relax with knitting and sewing — these are, I suppose, our responsibilities for now. Maybe later, when our individual skills start to show, some of us in skirts might head out to work while the weaker men take our places in the kitchen."
"What a pity," I remarked, "that the kitchen, and the housework generally, cannot be left out of our system altogether! It is odd enough that the kind of labor which falls to the lot of women is just that which chiefly distinguishes artificial life—the life of degenerated mortals—from the life of Paradise. Eve had no dinner-pot, and no clothes to mend, and no washing-day."
"What a shame," I said, "that the kitchen and housework overall can’t be completely excluded from our lives! It’s strange that the kind of work expected of women is what primarily sets apart our artificial lives—the lives of people who have lost their way—from the life in Paradise. Eve didn’t have a dinner pot, clothes to fix, or laundry days."
"I am afraid," said Zenobia, with mirth gleaming out of her eyes, "we shall find some difficulty in adopting the paradisiacal system for at least a month to come. Look at that snowdrift sweeping past the window! Are there any figs ripe, do you think? Have the pineapples been gathered to-day? Would you like a bread-fruit, or a cocoanut? Shall I run out and pluck you some roses? No, no, Mr. Coverdale; the only flower hereabouts is the one in my hair, which I got out of a greenhouse this morning. As for the garb of Eden," added she, shivering playfully, "I shall not assume it till after May-day!"
"I'm afraid," said Zenobia, a playful sparkle in her eyes, "we're going to have some trouble adopting this paradise-like lifestyle for at least another month. Look at that snowdrift blowing past the window! Do you think any figs are ripe? Have the pineapples been picked today? Would you like a breadfruit or a coconut? Should I run out and pick you some roses? No, no, Mr. Coverdale; the only flower around here is the one in my hair, which I got from a greenhouse this morning. As for the outfit of Eden," she said, playfully shivering, "I won’t wear it until after May Day!"
Assuredly Zenobia could not have intended it,—the fault must have been entirely in my imagination. But these last words, together with something in her manner, irresistibly brought up a picture of that fine, perfectly developed figure, in Eve's earliest garment. Her free, careless, generous modes of expression often had this effect of creating images which, though pure, are hardly felt to be quite decorous when born of a thought that passes between man and woman. I imputed it, at that time, to Zenobia's noble courage, conscious of no harm, and scorning the petty restraints which take the life and color out of other women's conversation. There was another peculiarity about her. We seldom meet with women nowadays, and in this country, who impress us as being women at all,—their sex fades away and goes for nothing, in ordinary intercourse. Not so with Zenobia. One felt an influence breathing out of her such as we might suppose to come from Eve, when she was just made, and her Creator brought her to Adam, saying, "Behold! here is a woman!" Not that I would convey the idea of especial gentleness, grace, modesty, and shyness, but of a certain warm and rich characteristic, which seems, for the most part, to have been refined away out of the feminine system.
Surely Zenobia didn't mean it that way—any misunderstanding was entirely in my head. But her last words, along with something about her demeanor, vividly conjured up an image of that lovely, perfectly shaped figure in Eve's first outfit. Her free-spirited, unrestrained way of expressing herself often sparked these images that, while innocent, feel a bit inappropriate when sparked by thoughts shared between a man and a woman. I attributed it then to Zenobia’s noble bravery, being fully aware of no harm and dismissing the trivial constraints that drain the life and vibrancy from other women’s conversations. There was another thing about her. We rarely encounter women today, and especially in this country, who strike us as truly feminine—their gender tends to fade into the background in everyday interactions. Not so with Zenobia. There was an aura about her that felt like what we might imagine Eve radiated when she was first created and introduced to Adam, as if the Creator said, "Look! Here’s a woman!" This doesn't mean I want to suggest she was especially gentle, graceful, modest, or shy, but rather that she had a certain warm and rich quality that seems to have mostly been polished away from contemporary femininity.
"And now," continued Zenobia, "I must go and help get supper. Do you think you can be content, instead of figs, pineapples, and all the other delicacies of Adam's supper-table, with tea and toast, and a certain modest supply of ham and tongue, which, with the instinct of a housewife, I brought hither in a basket? And there shall be bread and milk, too, if the innocence of your taste demands it."
"And now," Zenobia continued, "I need to go and help prepare dinner. Do you think you can be satisfied, instead of figs, pineapples, and all the other fancy foods from Adam's dinner table, with tea and toast, and a modest amount of ham and tongue, which, being the housewife I am, I brought here in a basket? And there will be bread and milk too, if your taste requires it."
The whole sisterhood now went about their domestic avocations, utterly declining our offers to assist, further than by bringing wood for the kitchen fire from a huge pile in the back yard. After heaping up more than a sufficient quantity, we returned to the sitting-room, drew our chairs close to the hearth, and began to talk over our prospects. Soon, with a tremendous stamping in the entry, appeared Silas Foster, lank, stalwart, uncouth, and grizzly-bearded. He came from foddering the cattle in the barn, and from the field, where he had been ploughing, until the depth of the snow rendered it impossible to draw a furrow. He greeted us in pretty much the same tone as if he were speaking to his oxen, took a quid from his iron tobacco-box, pulled off his wet cowhide boots, and sat down before the fire in his stocking-feet. The steam arose from his soaked garments, so that the stout yeoman looked vaporous and spectre-like.
The entire sisterhood went about their household chores, completely refusing our offers to help, except for bringing firewood from a huge pile in the backyard. After piling up more than enough, we returned to the living room, pulled our chairs close to the hearth, and started discussing our prospects. Soon, with a loud thumping in the entryway, Silas Foster appeared—tall, strong, awkward, and with a grizzly beard. He had just come from feeding the cattle in the barn and from the field, where he had been plowing until the snow was too deep to continue. He greeted us in a tone similar to how he would speak to his oxen, took a chew of tobacco from his metal box, removed his wet cowhide boots, and sat down in front of the fire in his socks. Steam rose from his soaked clothes, making the sturdy farmer look misty and ghostly.
"Well, folks," remarked Silas, "you'll be wishing yourselves back to town again, if this weather holds."
"Well, everyone," said Silas, "you'll be wishing you were back in town if this weather keeps up."
And, true enough, there was a look of gloom, as the twilight fell silently and sadly out of the sky, its gray or sable flakes intermingling themselves with the fast-descending snow. The storm, in its evening aspect, was decidedly dreary. It seemed to have arisen for our especial behoof,—a symbol of the cold, desolate, distrustful phantoms that invariably haunt the mind, on the eve of adventurous enterprises, to warn us back within the boundaries of ordinary life.
And sure enough, there was a look of sadness as twilight quietly and sadly descended from the sky, its gray or dark flakes mixing with the thickening snow. The storm, at this time of evening, felt really gloomy. It seemed to have come just for us—a symbol of the cold, lonely, untrusting thoughts that always linger in our minds before we take on new adventures, trying to pull us back into the safety of everyday life.
But our courage did not quail. We would not allow ourselves to be depressed by the snowdrift trailing past the window, any more than if it had been the sigh of a summer wind among rustling boughs. There have been few brighter seasons for us than that. If ever men might lawfully dream awake, and give utterance to their wildest visions without dread of laughter or scorn on the part of the audience,—yes, and speak of earthly happiness, for themselves and mankind, as an object to be hopefully striven for, and probably attained, we who made that little semicircle round the blazing fire were those very men. We had left the rusty iron framework of society behind us; we had broken through many hindrances that are powerful enough to keep most people on the weary treadmill of the established system, even while they feel its irksomeness almost as intolerable as we did. We had stepped down from the pulpit; we had flung aside the pen; we had shut up the ledger; we had thrown off that sweet, bewitching, enervating indolence, which is better, after all, than most of the enjoyments within mortal grasp. It was our purpose—a generous one, certainly, and absurd, no doubt, in full proportion with its generosity—to give up whatever we had heretofore attained, for the sake of showing mankind the example of a life governed by other than the false and cruel principles on which human society has all along been based.
But our courage didn’t falter. We wouldn’t let ourselves be downhearted by the snowdrift passing by the window, any more than if it had been the gentle sigh of a summer breeze through the rustling branches. There have been few brighter times for us than that. If ever people could dream freely and share their wildest visions without fear of laughter or judgment from the audience—yes, and talk about earthly happiness for themselves and humanity as something worth striving for and likely achievable, it was us who formed that little semicircle around the blazing fire. We had left the rusty iron framework of society behind; we had pushed through obstacles strong enough to keep most people on the exhausting treadmill of the established system, even while they felt its discomfort almost as intensely as we did. We had stepped down from the pulpit; we had tossed aside the pen; we had closed the ledger; we had freed ourselves from that sweet, enchanting, draining laziness, which is better, after all, than most of the pleasures within human reach. Our purpose—a noble one, certainly, and absurd, no doubt, in proportion to its nobility—was to give up whatever we had previously achieved to show humanity an example of a life governed by principles other than the false and cruel ones that have long formed the basis of human society.
And, first of all, we had divorced ourselves from pride, and were striving to supply its place with familiar love. We meant to lessen the laboring man's great burden of toil, by performing our due share of it at the cost of our own thews and sinews. We sought our profit by mutual aid, instead of wresting it by the strong hand from an enemy, or filching it craftily from those less shrewd than ourselves (if, indeed, there were any such in New England), or winning it by selfish competition with a neighbor; in one or another of which fashions every son of woman both perpetrates and suffers his share of the common evil, whether he chooses it or no. And, as the basis of our institution, we purposed to offer up the earnest toil of our bodies, as a prayer no less than an effort for the advancement of our race.
And, first of all, we let go of pride and focused on building a sense of love and community. Our goal was to lighten the heavy load of the working class by sharing in their labor, using our own strength and energy. We aimed to gain from supporting one another, rather than taking it forcefully from an opponent or slyly stealing it from those less savvy than us (if, indeed, there were any such people in New England), or competing selfishly against our neighbors; in one way or another, everyone contributes to and suffers from the common struggles, whether they want to or not. And as the foundation of our organization, we intended to offer up our hard work as both a prayer and an effort for the betterment of our community.
Therefore, if we built splendid castles (phalansteries perhaps they might be more fitly called), and pictured beautiful scenes, among the fervid coals of the hearth around which we were clustering, and if all went to rack with the crumbling embers and have never since arisen out of the ashes, let us take to ourselves no shame. In my own behalf, I rejoice that I could once think better of the world's improvability than it deserved. It is a mistake into which men seldom fall twice in a lifetime; or, if so, the rarer and higher is the nature that can thus magnanimously persist in error.
So, if we built amazing castles (maybe they should be called phalansteries), and imagined beautiful scenes around the warm glow of the fire where we gathered, and if everything fell apart along with the dying embers and has never risen from the ashes, we shouldn't feel ashamed. Personally, I’m glad that I once believed the world could improve more than it actually can. It's a mistake that most people don't make more than once in a lifetime; or, if they do, it shows how rare and noble a person is to continue believing in that way.
Stout Silas Foster mingled little in our conversation; but when he did speak, it was very much to some practical purpose. For instance:—"Which man among you," quoth he, "is the best judge of swine? Some of us must go to the next Brighton fair, and buy half a dozen pigs."
Stout Silas Foster didn’t join in our conversation much, but when he did speak, it was always for a good reason. For example: "Which one of you is the best at judging pigs? Some of us need to go to the next Brighton fair and buy half a dozen pigs."
Pigs! Good heavens! had we come out from among the swinish multitude for this? And again, in reference to some discussion about raising early vegetables for the market:—"We shall never make any hand at market gardening," said Silas Foster, "unless the women folks will undertake to do all the weeding. We haven't team enough for that and the regular farm-work, reckoning three of your city folks as worth one common field-hand. No, no; I tell you, we should have to get up a little too early in the morning, to compete with the market gardeners round Boston."
Pigs! Good grief! Did we leave behind the filthy crowd for this? And again, regarding a conversation about growing early vegetables for sale:—"We'll never be successful at market gardening," said Silas Foster, "unless the women will take care of all the weeding. We don’t have enough manpower for that and the regular farm work, considering that three city folks are equivalent to one regular field worker. No way; I’m telling you, we’d have to wake up way too early in the morning to compete with the market gardeners around Boston."
It struck me as rather odd, that one of the first questions raised, after our separation from the greedy, struggling, self-seeking world, should relate to the possibility of getting the advantage over the outside barbarians in their own field of labor. But, to own the truth, I very soon became sensible that, as regarded society at large, we stood in a position of new hostility, rather than new brotherhood. Nor could this fail to be the case, in some degree, until the bigger and better half of society should range itself on our side. Constituting so pitiful a minority as now, we were inevitably estranged from the rest of mankind in pretty fair proportion with the strictness of our mutual bond among ourselves.
It seemed pretty strange to me that one of the first questions brought up after we separated from the greedy, struggling, self-centered world was about how to gain an advantage over the outside “barbarians” in their own work. But honestly, I quickly realized that, in terms of society as a whole, we were in a state of new hostility rather than new brotherhood. This had to be true to some extent until the larger and better part of society aligned itself with us. Being such a small minority as we were, we were inevitably distanced from the rest of humanity, largely reflecting the closeness of our connections with one another.
This dawning idea, however, was driven back into my inner consciousness by the entrance of Zenobia. She came with the welcome intelligence that supper was on the table. Looking at herself in the glass, and perceiving that her one magnificent flower had grown rather languid (probably by being exposed to the fervency of the kitchen fire), she flung it on the floor, as unconcernedly as a village girl would throw away a faded violet. The action seemed proper to her character, although, methought, it would still more have befitted the bounteous nature of this beautiful woman to scatter fresh flowers from her hand, and to revive faded ones by her touch. Nevertheless, it was a singular but irresistible effect; the presence of Zenobia caused our heroic enterprise to show like an illusion, a masquerade, a pastoral, a counterfeit Arcadia, in which we grown-up men and women were making a play-day of the years that were given us to live in. I tried to analyze this impression, but not with much success.
This emerging idea, however, was pushed back into my mind by Zenobia arriving. She came with the nice news that dinner was ready. Looking at herself in the mirror and noticing that her stunning flower had wilted a bit (probably from being too close to the heat of the kitchen), she tossed it on the floor, as casually as a village girl would discard a faded violet. The action seemed fitting for her character, although I thought it would have suited the generous nature of this beautiful woman even more to scatter fresh flowers from her hand and breathe life back into the wilted ones. Nonetheless, there was a strange but undeniable effect; Zenobia's presence made our grand endeavor feel like an illusion, a masquerade, a pastoral scene, a fake Arcadia, where we adults were turning our years into a playground. I tried to understand this feeling, but wasn't very successful.
"It really vexes me," observed Zenobia, as we left the room, "that Mr. Hollingsworth should be such a laggard. I should not have thought him at all the sort of person to be turned back by a puff of contrary wind, or a few snowflakes drifting into his face."
"It really annoys me," Zenobia said as we left the room, "that Mr. Hollingsworth is such a slowpoke. I wouldn’t have thought he was the kind of person who would be held back by a gust of wind or a few snowflakes in his face."
"Do you know Hollingsworth personally?" I inquired.
"Do you know Hollingsworth personally?" I asked.
"No; only as an auditor—auditress, I mean—of some of his lectures," said she. "What a voice he has! and what a man he is! Yet not so much an intellectual man, I should say, as a great heart; at least, he moved me more deeply than I think myself capable of being moved, except by the stroke of a true, strong heart against my own. It is a sad pity that he should have devoted his glorious powers to such a grimy, unbeautiful, and positively hopeless object as this reformation of criminals, about which he makes himself and his wretchedly small audiences so very miserable. To tell you a secret, I never could tolerate a philanthropist before. Could you?"
"No; only as an auditor—an auditress, I mean—of some of his lectures," she said. "What a voice he has! And what a great guy he is! Yet, I wouldn’t say he’s so much an intellectual as he is someone with a big heart; at least, he affected me more deeply than I think I could be affected, except by the presence of a true, strong heart against mine. It’s really unfortunate that he’s dedicated his amazing talents to such a grimy, unappealing, and completely hopeless goal as this reformation of criminals, which makes both him and his painfully small audiences so miserable. To let you in on a secret, I’ve never been able to stand a philanthropist before. Could you?"
"By no means," I answered; "neither can I now."
"Not at all," I replied; "I can't do that now either."
"They are, indeed, an odiously disagreeable set of mortals," continued Zenobia. "I should like Mr. Hollingsworth a great deal better if the philanthropy had been left out. At all events, as a mere matter of taste, I wish he would let the bad people alone, and try to benefit those who are not already past his help. Do you suppose he will be content to spend his life, or even a few months of it, among tolerably virtuous and comfortable individuals like ourselves?"
"They’re really a horrible group of people," Zenobia continued. "I would like Mr. Hollingsworth a lot more if he didn’t have all this philanthropy nonsense. Anyway, just as a matter of taste, I wish he would ignore the bad people and focus on helping those who still have a chance. Do you think he’ll be happy spending his life, or even just a few months, with reasonably good and comfortable people like us?"
"Upon my word, I doubt it," said I. "If we wish to keep him with us, we must systematically commit at least one crime apiece! Mere peccadillos will not satisfy him."
"Honestly, I doubt it," I said. "If we want to keep him around, we need to each commit at least one real crime! Small misdeeds won’t be enough for him."
Zenobia turned, sidelong, a strange kind of a glance upon me; but, before I could make out what it meant, we had entered the kitchen, where, in accordance with the rustic simplicity of our new life, the supper-table was spread.
Zenobia turned slightly and gave me a strange look; but before I could figure out what it meant, we had entered the kitchen, where, in keeping with the simple lifestyle we were embracing, the dinner table was set.
IV. THE SUPPER-TABLE
The pleasant firelight! I must still keep harping on it. The kitchen hearth had an old-fashioned breadth, depth, and spaciousness, far within which lay what seemed the butt of a good-sized oak-tree, with the moisture bubbling merrily out at both ends. It was now half an hour beyond dusk. The blaze from an armful of substantial sticks, rendered more combustible by brushwood and pine, flickered powerfully on the smoke-blackened walls, and so cheered our spirits that we cared not what inclemency might rage and roar on the other side of our illuminated windows. A yet sultrier warmth was bestowed by a goodly quantity of peat, which was crumbling to white ashes among the burning brands, and incensed the kitchen with its not ungrateful fragrance. The exuberance of this household fire would alone have sufficed to bespeak us no true farmers; for the New England yeoman, if he have the misfortune to dwell within practicable distance of a wood-market, is as niggardly of each stick as if it were a bar of California gold.
The cozy glow of the fire! I can't stop talking about it. The kitchen hearth was spacious and traditional, with what looked like the stump of a good-sized oak tree deep within, moisture bubbling cheerfully out at both ends. It was now half an hour past sunset. The flames from a hefty bundle of sturdy sticks, made even more flammable by some brushwood and pine, danced energetically on the smoke-darkened walls, lifting our spirits so high that we didn't worry about the storm raging outside our brightly lit windows. A warm layer of heat came from a good amount of peat, crumbling into white ash among the burning logs and filling the kitchen with its pleasant scent. The liveliness of this household fire alone would have shown we weren't true farmers; because a New England farmer, if he lives within reach of a wood market, treats every stick like it's a bar of California gold.
But it was fortunate for us, on that wintry eve of our untried life, to enjoy the warm and radiant luxury of a somewhat too abundant fire. If it served no other purpose, it made the men look so full of youth, warm blood, and hope, and the women—such of them, at least, as were anywise convertible by its magic—so very beautiful, that I would cheerfully have spent my last dollar to prolong the blaze. As for Zenobia, there was a glow in her cheeks that made me think of Pandora, fresh from Vulcan's workshop, and full of the celestial warmth by dint of which he had tempered and moulded her.
But it was lucky for us, on that cold winter night of our inexperienced lives, to enjoy the cozy and bright luxury of a fire that was perhaps a bit too intense. Even if it served no other purpose, it made the men look full of youth, vibrant energy, and hope, while the women—those who could be touched by its warmth—appeared incredibly beautiful. I would gladly have spent my last dollar to keep the fire going. As for Zenobia, there was a flush in her cheeks that reminded me of Pandora, fresh from Vulcan’s workshop, radiating the heavenly warmth that had shaped and molded her.
"Take your places, my dear friends all," cried she; "seat yourselves without ceremony, and you shall be made happy with such tea as not many of the world's working-people, except yourselves, will find in their cups to-night. After this one supper, you may drink buttermilk, if you please. To-night we will quaff this nectar, which, I assure you, could not be bought with gold."
"Take your seats, my dear friends," she exclaimed; "sit down without any fuss, and you'll be treated to tea that not many of the world's workers, except for you all, will find in their cups tonight. After this one meal, you can drink buttermilk if you want. Tonight we’ll enjoy this nectar that I promise you is worth more than gold."
We all sat down,—grizzly Silas Foster, his rotund helpmate, and the two bouncing handmaidens, included,—and looked at one another in a friendly but rather awkward way. It was the first practical trial of our theories of equal brotherhood and sisterhood; and we people of superior cultivation and refinement (for as such, I presume, we unhesitatingly reckoned ourselves) felt as if something were already accomplished towards the millennium of love. The truth is, however, that the laboring oar was with our unpolished companions; it being far easier to condescend than to accept of condescension. Neither did I refrain from questioning, in secret, whether some of us—and Zenobia among the rest—would so quietly have taken our places among these good people, save for the cherished consciousness that it was not by necessity but choice. Though we saw fit to drink our tea out of earthen cups to-night, and in earthen company, it was at our own option to use pictured porcelain and handle silver forks again to-morrow. This same salvo, as to the power of regaining our former position, contributed much, I fear, to the equanimity with which we subsequently bore many of the hardships and humiliations of a life of toil. If ever I have deserved (which has not often been the case, and, I think, never), but if ever I did deserve to be soundly cuffed by a fellow mortal, for secretly putting weight upon some imaginary social advantage, it must have been while I was striving to prove myself ostentatiously his equal and no more. It was while I sat beside him on his cobbler's bench, or clinked my hoe against his own in the cornfield, or broke the same crust of bread, my earth-grimed hand to his, at our noontide lunch. The poor, proud man should look at both sides of sympathy like this.
We all sat down—grizzly Silas Foster, his plump partner, and the two lively handmaidens—and looked at each other in a friendly yet somewhat awkward way. It was our first real test of the theories of equal brotherhood and sisterhood; we, the supposedly more cultured and refined ones (which we certainly believed ourselves to be), felt like we had accomplished something towards the ideal of love. The truth was, though, that it was our unrefined companions who were doing the hard work; it’s much easier to look down on someone than to accept their condescension. I couldn't help but wonder, in secret, whether some of us—including Zenobia—would have so easily taken our places among these good people if it weren't for the comforting thought that we did it by choice, not necessity. Even though we chose to drink our tea from earthen cups tonight and in humble company, we had the option to enjoy fancy porcelain and silver forks again tomorrow. This same reassurance about being able to return to our former status, I fear, contributed a lot to how calmly we dealt with many of the challenges and humiliations of a hard-working life. If I ever deserved (which hasn't happened often, and I think never) to be soundly slapped by someone for secretly leaning on some imagined social advantage, it must have been when I was trying to prove myself noticeably equal to him and nothing more. It was while I sat next to him on his cobbler's bench, or clinked my hoe against his in the cornfield, or shared a crust of bread, my earth-stained hand to his, during our noon lunch. The poor, proud man should see both sides of sympathy like this.
The silence which followed upon our sitting down to table grew rather oppressive; indeed, it was hardly broken by a word, during the first round of Zenobia's fragrant tea.
The silence that settled after we sat down to eat became pretty uncomfortable; in fact, it was barely interrupted by a word during the first round of Zenobia's fragrant tea.
"I hope," said I, at last, "that our blazing windows will be visible a great way off. There is nothing so pleasant and encouraging to a solitary traveller, on a stormy night, as a flood of firelight seen amid the gloom. These ruddy window panes cannot fail to cheer the hearts of all that look at them. Are they not warm with the beacon-fire which we have kindled for humanity?"
"I hope," I said finally, "that our bright windows will be seen from far away. There's nothing more pleasant and uplifting for a lone traveler on a stormy night than a warm glow of firelight shining through the darkness. These red window panes are sure to brighten the spirits of everyone who sees them. Aren't they warm with the beacon of hope we've lit for humanity?"
"The blaze of that brushwood will only last a minute or two longer," observed Silas Foster; but whether he meant to insinuate that our moral illumination would have as brief a term, I cannot say.
"The fire from that brushwood will only last a minute or two more," observed Silas Foster; but whether he meant to suggest that our moral enlightenment would be equally short-lived, I can't say.
"Meantime," said Zenobia, "it may serve to guide some wayfarer to a shelter."
"Meanwhile," said Zenobia, "it might help to guide some traveler to a place to stay."
And, just as she said this, there came a knock at the house door.
And just as she said this, there was a knock at the front door.
"There is one of the world's wayfarers," said I. "Ay, ay, just so!" quoth Silas Foster. "Our firelight will draw stragglers, just as a candle draws dorbugs on a summer night."
"There goes one of the world's travelers," I said. "Yeah, exactly!" replied Silas Foster. "Our campfire will attract wanderers, just like a candle attracts bugs on a summer night."
Whether to enjoy a dramatic suspense, or that we were selfishly contrasting our own comfort with the chill and dreary situation of the unknown person at the threshold, or that some of us city folk felt a little startled at the knock which came so unseasonably, through night and storm, to the door of the lonely farmhouse,—so it happened that nobody, for an instant or two, arose to answer the summons. Pretty soon there came another knock. The first had been moderately loud; the second was smitten so forcibly that the knuckles of the applicant must have left their mark in the door panel.
Whether it was for the thrill of suspense, because we selfishly compared our own comfort to the cold and dreary situation of the unknown person at the door, or simply because some of us city dwellers were a bit startled by the unexpected knock that came during the night and storm to the lonely farmhouse—it turned out that nobody, for a moment or two, got up to answer the call. After a little while, there was another knock. The first one had been moderately loud; the second was so forceful that the person knocking must have left their mark on the door panel.
"He knocks as if he had a right to come in," said Zenobia, laughing. "And what are we thinking of?—It must be Mr. Hollingsworth!"
"He knocks like he has every right to come in," Zenobia said with a laugh. "And what are we thinking? It has to be Mr. Hollingsworth!"
Hereupon I went to the door, unbolted, and flung it wide open. There, sure enough, stood Hollingsworth, his shaggy greatcoat all covered with snow, so that he looked quite as much like a polar bear as a modern philanthropist.
Here, I went to the door, unlatched it, and swung it wide open. There, sure enough, stood Hollingsworth, his shaggy coat completely covered in snow, making him look just as much like a polar bear as a modern philanthropist.
"Sluggish hospitality this!" said he, in those deep tones of his, which seemed to come out of a chest as capacious as a barrel. "It would have served you right if I had lain down and spent the night on the doorstep, just for the sake of putting you to shame. But here is a guest who will need a warmer and softer bed."
"Slow service, this!" he said in those deep tones of his, which seemed to come from a chest as big as a barrel. "You would have deserved it if I had just laid down and spent the night on your doorstep, just to put you to shame. But here’s a guest who will need a warmer and softer bed."
And, stepping back to the wagon in which he had journeyed hither, Hollingsworth received into his arms and deposited on the doorstep a figure enveloped in a cloak. It was evidently a woman; or, rather,—judging from the ease with which he lifted her, and the little space which she seemed to fill in his arms, a slim and unsubstantial girl. As she showed some hesitation about entering the door, Hollingsworth, with his usual directness and lack of ceremony, urged her forward not merely within the entry, but into the warm and strongly lighted kitchen.
And, stepping back to the wagon he had traveled here in, Hollingsworth lifted a figure wrapped in a cloak and placed her on the doorstep. It was obviously a woman; or rather—considering how easily he picked her up and how little space she took up in his arms—a slim and delicate girl. When she hesitated about going inside, Hollingsworth, being his usual straightforward self, encouraged her to not just enter the entryway but to step into the warm, brightly lit kitchen.
"Who is this?" whispered I, remaining behind with him, while he was taking off his greatcoat.
"Who is this?" I whispered, staying behind with him as he took off his coat.
"Who? Really, I don't know," answered Hollingsworth, looking at me with some surprise. "It is a young person who belongs here, however; and no doubt she had been expected. Zenobia, or some of the women folks, can tell you all about it."
"Who? I honestly don't know," Hollingsworth replied, looking at me with some surprise. "It's a young person who belongs here, though; and I'm sure she was expected. Zenobia, or one of the women, can fill you in on all the details."
"I think not," said I, glancing towards the new-comer and the other occupants of the kitchen. "Nobody seems to welcome her. I should hardly judge that she was an expected guest."
"I don't think so," I said, looking over at the newcomer and the others in the kitchen. "Nobody seems to be welcoming her. I wouldn't say she was an expected guest."
"Well, well," said Hollingsworth quietly, "We'll make it right."
"Well, well," said Hollingsworth softly, "We'll fix it."
The stranger, or whatever she were, remained standing precisely on that spot of the kitchen floor to which Hollingsworth's kindly hand had impelled her. The cloak falling partly off, she was seen to be a very young woman dressed in a poor but decent gown, made high in the neck, and without any regard to fashion or smartness. Her brown hair fell down from beneath a hood, not in curls but with only a slight wave; her face was of a wan, almost sickly hue, betokening habitual seclusion from the sun and free atmosphere, like a flower-shrub that had done its best to blossom in too scanty light. To complete the pitiableness of her aspect, she shivered either with cold, or fear, or nervous excitement, so that you might have beheld her shadow vibrating on the fire-lighted wall. In short, there has seldom been seen so depressed and sad a figure as this young girl's; and it was hardly possible to help being angry with her, from mere despair of doing anything for her comfort. The fantasy occurred to me that she was some desolate kind of a creature, doomed to wander about in snowstorms; and that, though the ruddiness of our window panes had tempted her into a human dwelling, she would not remain long enough to melt the icicles out of her hair. Another conjecture likewise came into my mind. Recollecting Hollingsworth's sphere of philanthropic action, I deemed it possible that he might have brought one of his guilty patients, to be wrought upon and restored to spiritual health by the pure influences which our mode of life would create.
The stranger, or whatever she was, stood exactly where Hollingsworth's kind hand had guided her. The cloak slipping off partially revealed that she was a very young woman wearing a simple but decent dress, high-necked and without any attention to style or elegance. Her brown hair hung down from under a hood, not in curls, but with just a slight wave; her face had a pale, almost sickly color, suggesting she had often stayed away from the sun and fresh air, like a flower struggling to bloom in too little light. To add to the sadness of her appearance, she trembled, whether from cold, fear, or nervousness, so that you could see her shadow flickering on the wall lit by the fire. In short, there has rarely been such a depressed and sorrowful figure as this young girl; it was hard not to feel frustrated with her simply out of despair for not being able to help her feel better. I had the thought that she was some kind of lonely creature, fated to wander in snowstorms; and that, although the warmth of our window panes had tempted her into a human home, she wouldn’t stay long enough to melt the icicles from her hair. Another thought also crossed my mind. Remembering Hollingsworth's charitable work, I wondered if he had brought one of his troubled patients to be helped and restored to spiritual health by the positive influences of our way of life.
As yet the girl had not stirred. She stood near the door, fixing a pair of large, brown, melancholy eyes upon Zenobia—only upon Zenobia!—she evidently saw nothing else in the room save that bright, fair, rosy, beautiful woman. It was the strangest look I ever witnessed; long a mystery to me, and forever a memory. Once she seemed about to move forward and greet her,—I know not with what warmth or with what words,—but, finally, instead of doing so, she dropped down upon her knees, clasped her hands, and gazed piteously into Zenobia's face. Meeting no kindly reception, her head fell on her bosom.
The girl hadn’t moved yet. She stood by the door, staring at Zenobia—with her big, brown, sad eyes—only at Zenobia! It was clear she didn't notice anything else in the room except that bright, lovely, rosy, beautiful woman. It was the strangest look I had ever seen; it remained a mystery to me, and it will always be a memory. For a moment, it seemed she was about to step forward and greet her—I couldn’t tell what kind of warmth or words she intended—but instead, she dropped to her knees, clasped her hands, and looked sadly into Zenobia's face. When she received no kind response, her head lowered to her chest.
I never thoroughly forgave Zenobia for her conduct on this occasion. But women are always more cautious in their casual hospitalities than men.
I never fully forgave Zenobia for how she acted this time. But women are usually more careful in their casual hospitality than men.
"What does the girl mean?" cried she in rather a sharp tone. "Is she crazy? Has she no tongue?"
"What does the girl mean?" she exclaimed in a rather sharp tone. "Is she insane? Doesn't she have a voice?"
And here Hollingsworth stepped forward.
And here Hollingsworth stepped up.
"No wonder if the poor child's tongue is frozen in her mouth," said he; and I think he positively frowned at Zenobia. "The very heart will be frozen in her bosom, unless you women can warm it, among you, with the warmth that ought to be in your own!"
"No wonder the poor child's tongue is frozen in her mouth," he said; and I think he actually frowned at Zenobia. "Her very heart will freeze in her chest unless you women can warm it together with the warmth that should be in your own!"
Hollingsworth's appearance was very striking at this moment. He was then about thirty years old, but looked several years older, with his great shaggy head, his heavy brow, his dark complexion, his abundant beard, and the rude strength with which his features seemed to have been hammered out of iron, rather than chiselled or moulded from any finer or softer material. His figure was not tall, but massive and brawny, and well befitting his original occupation; which as the reader probably knows—was that of a blacksmith. As for external polish, or mere courtesy of manner, he never possessed more than a tolerably educated bear; although, in his gentler moods, there was a tenderness in his voice, eyes, mouth, in his gesture, and in every indescribable manifestation, which few men could resist and no woman. But he now looked stern and reproachful; and it was with that inauspicious meaning in his glance that Hollingsworth first met Zenobia's eyes, and began his influence upon her life.
Hollingsworth's appearance was striking at that moment. He was around thirty years old but looked a few years older, with his wild, shaggy hair, heavy brow, dark complexion, thick beard, and the rough strength of his features that seemed hammered out of iron rather than crafted from any finer or softer material. His build wasn’t tall but was massive and muscular, which suited his original occupation—a blacksmith, as the reader likely knows. He never had much external polish or courtesy; he had the manners of a reasonably educated bear. However, in his gentler moments, there was a tenderness in his voice, eyes, mouth, gestures, and in every indescribable way he expressed himself that few men could resist and no woman could ignore. But right now, he looked stern and critical; and it was with that ominous look in his eyes that Hollingsworth first met Zenobia's gaze and began to influence her life.
To my surprise, Zenobia—of whose haughty spirit I had been told so many examples—absolutely changed color, and seemed mortified and confused.
To my surprise, Zenobia—who I had heard so many stories about regarding her proud nature—completely changed color and looked embarrassed and flustered.
"You do not quite do me justice, Mr. Hollingsworth," said she almost humbly. "I am willing to be kind to the poor girl. Is she a protegee of yours? What can I do for her?"
"You’re not giving me enough credit, Mr. Hollingsworth," she said, almost humbly. "I want to be nice to the poor girl. Is she one of your proteges? What can I do to help her?"
"Have you anything to ask of this lady?" said Hollingsworth kindly to the girl. "I remember you mentioned her name before we left town."
"Do you have any questions for this lady?" Hollingsworth asked gently, addressing the girl. "I recall you mentioned her name before we left town."
"Only that she will shelter me," replied the girl tremulously. "Only that she will let me be always near her."
"Just that she will give me a place to stay," the girl replied nervously. "Just that she will always let me be near her."
"Well, indeed," exclaimed Zenobia, recovering herself and laughing, "this is an adventure, and well-worthy to be the first incident in our life of love and free-heartedness! But I accept it, for the present, without further question, only," added she, "it would be a convenience if we knew your name."
"Well, for sure," Zenobia said, regaining her composure and laughing, "this is quite an adventure and definitely deserves to be the first moment in our life of love and openness! But I'm going to accept it for now without any more questions. However," she added, "it would be helpful if we knew your name."
"Priscilla," said the girl; and it appeared to me that she hesitated whether to add anything more, and decided in the negative. "Pray do not ask me my other name,—at least not yet,—if you will be so kind to a forlorn creature."
"Priscilla," the girl said, and it seemed like she hesitated about whether to say more, ultimately choosing not to. "Please don't ask me my other name—at least not yet—if you could be so kind to a lonely soul."
Priscilla!—Priscilla! I repeated the name to myself three or four times; and in that little space, this quaint and prim cognomen had so amalgamated itself with my idea of the girl, that it seemed as if no other name could have adhered to her for a moment. Heretofore the poor thing had not shed any tears; but now that she found herself received, and at least temporarily established, the big drops began to ooze out from beneath her eyelids as if she were full of them. Perhaps it showed the iron substance of my heart, that I could not help smiling at this odd scene of unknown and unaccountable calamity, into which our cheerful party had been entrapped without the liberty of choosing whether to sympathize or no. Hollingsworth's behavior was certainly a great deal more creditable than mine.
Priscilla!—Priscilla! I repeated her name to myself three or four times, and in that brief moment, this quirky and proper name became so connected to my idea of the girl that it felt like no other name could suit her for even a second. Up until this point, the poor girl hadn't shed a single tear; but now that she found herself welcomed and at least temporarily settled, big tears started to flow from her eyes as if she had a lot of them stored up. Maybe it revealed the hard nature of my heart that I couldn't help but smile at this strange scene of an unknown and inexplicable disaster, into which our cheerful group had been caught without the choice of whether to empathize or not. Hollingsworth's actions were definitely a lot more admirable than mine.
"Let us not pry further into her secrets," he said to Zenobia and the rest of us, apart; and his dark, shaggy face looked really beautiful with its expression of thoughtful benevolence. "Let us conclude that Providence has sent her to us, as the first-fruits of the world, which we have undertaken to make happier than we find it. Let us warm her poor, shivering body with this good fire, and her poor, shivering heart with our best kindness. Let us feed her, and make her one of us. As we do by this friendless girl, so shall we prosper. And, in good time, whatever is desirable for us to know will be melted out of her, as inevitably as those tears which we see now."
"Let's not dig any deeper into her secrets," he said to Zenobia and the rest of us, staying separate. His dark, shaggy face looked truly beautiful with its expression of thoughtful kindness. "Let's assume that fate has brought her to us, as the first sign of the world we’re trying to make happier than we found it. Let's warm her poor, shivering body with this nice fire, and her poor, shivering heart with our greatest kindness. Let's feed her and make her one of us. How we treat this friendless girl will determine our own success. And eventually, whatever we need to know will come out of her, just like those tears we see now."
"At least," remarked I, "you may tell us how and where you met with her."
"At least," I said, "you can tell us how and where you met her."
"An old man brought her to my lodgings," answered Hollingsworth, "and begged me to convey her to Blithedale, where—so I understood him—she had friends; and this is positively all I know about the matter."
"An old man brought her to my place," Hollingsworth replied, "and asked me to take her to Blithedale, where—so I understood—she had friends; and that's honestly all I know about it."
Grim Silas Foster, all this while, had been busy at the supper-table, pouring out his own tea and gulping it down with no more sense of its exquisiteness than if it were a decoction of catnip; helping himself to pieces of dipt toast on the flat of his knife blade, and dropping half of it on the table-cloth; using the same serviceable implement to cut slice after slice of ham; perpetrating terrible enormities with the butter-plate; and in all other respects behaving less like a civilized Christian than the worst kind of an ogre. Being by this time fully gorged, he crowned his amiable exploits with a draught from the water pitcher, and then favored us with his opinion about the business in hand. And, certainly, though they proceeded out of an unwiped mouth, his expressions did him honor.
Grim Silas Foster had been busy at the dinner table, pouring his own tea and downing it without any appreciation for its flavor, as if it were just some herbal brew; helping himself to pieces of dipped toast with the flat of his knife and dropping half of it on the tablecloth; using the same handy knife to cut slice after slice of ham; making a mess with the butter dish; and behaving in every way like a primitive ogre rather than a civilized person. By the time he was totally stuffed, he topped off his charming dinner feats with a drink from the water pitcher, and then shared his thoughts on the matter at hand. And indeed, although they came from a mouth that hadn’t been wiped clean, his words were impressive.
"Give the girl a hot cup of tea and a thick slice of this first-rate bacon," said Silas, like a sensible man as he was. "That's what she wants. Let her stay with us as long as she likes, and help in the kitchen, and take the cow-breath at milking time; and, in a week or two, she'll begin to look like a creature of this world."
"Give the girl a steaming cup of tea and a hearty slice of this top-notch bacon," said Silas, being the sensible man he was. "That's what she needs. Let her stay with us for as long as she wants, help out in the kitchen, and deal with the smell of the cows when it’s milking time; and in a week or two, she’ll start to look like she belongs in this world."
So we sat down again to supper, and Priscilla along with us.
So we sat down for dinner again, and Priscilla joined us.
V. UNTIL BEDTIME
Silas Foster, by the time we concluded our meal, had stript off his coat, and planted himself on a low chair by the kitchen fire, with a lapstone, a hammer, a piece of sole leather, and some waxed-ends, in order to cobble an old pair of cowhide boots; he being, in his own phrase, "something of a dab" (whatever degree of skill that may imply) at the shoemaking business. We heard the tap of his hammer at intervals for the rest of the evening. The remainder of the party adjourned to the sitting-room. Good Mrs. Foster took her knitting-work, and soon fell fast asleep, still keeping her needles in brisk movement, and, to the best of my observation, absolutely footing a stocking out of the texture of a dream. And a very substantial stocking it seemed to be. One of the two handmaidens hemmed a towel, and the other appeared to be making a ruffle, for her Sunday's wear, out of a little bit of embroidered muslin which Zenobia had probably given her.
By the time we finished our meal, Silas Foster had taken off his coat and settled into a low chair by the kitchen fire, armed with a lapstone, a hammer, a piece of sole leather, and some waxed thread, getting ready to repair an old pair of cowhide boots. He claimed to be "somewhat of a dab" at shoemaking, whatever that skill level meant. We could hear the sound of his hammer at intervals for the rest of the night. The rest of the group moved to the sitting room. Good Mrs. Foster grabbed her knitting and soon dozed off, still keeping her needles in motion and, as far as I could tell, knitting a stocking out of some kind of dream. And it looked like a pretty substantial stocking. One of the two maids was hemming a towel, while the other seemed to be making a ruffle for Sunday out of a piece of embroidered muslin that Zenobia had likely given her.
It was curious to observe how trustingly, and yet how timidly, our poor Priscilla betook herself into the shadow of Zenobia's protection. She sat beside her on a stool, looking up every now and then with an expression of humble delight at her new friend's beauty. A brilliant woman is often an object of the devoted admiration—it might almost be termed worship, or idolatry—of some young girl, who perhaps beholds the cynosure only at an awful distance, and has as little hope of personal intercourse as of climbing among the stars of heaven. We men are too gross to comprehend it. Even a woman, of mature age, despises or laughs at such a passion. There occurred to me no mode of accounting for Priscilla's behavior, except by supposing that she had read some of Zenobia's stories (as such literature goes everywhere), or her tracts in defence of the sex, and had come hither with the one purpose of being her slave. There is nothing parallel to this, I believe,—nothing so foolishly disinterested, and hardly anything so beautiful,—in the masculine nature, at whatever epoch of life; or, if there be, a fine and rare development of character might reasonably be looked for from the youth who should prove himself capable of such self-forgetful affection.
It was interesting to see how trustingly, yet timidly, our poor Priscilla leaned into Zenobia's protection. She sat next to her on a stool, glancing up now and then with a look of humble joy at her new friend's beauty. A brilliant woman often becomes the object of devoted admiration—almost worship—by some young girl, who might only see this shining example from a great distance and has as little hope of personal interaction as of reaching the stars. We men are too crude to understand it. Even a mature woman scorns or laughs at such a passion. The only way I could explain Priscilla's behavior was to assume she had read some of Zenobia's stories (as such literature spreads everywhere) or her tracts defending women, and had come here with the sole intention of being her devotee. I don’t think there’s anything like this in men—nothing so foolishly selfless, and hardly anything so beautiful—in male nature at any age; or if there is, an impressive and rare development of character should be expected from any young man capable of such self-forgetful love.
Zenobia happening to change her seat, I took the opportunity, in an undertone, to suggest some such notion as the above.
Zenobia changed her seat, so I took the chance to quietly suggest an idea like the one above.
"Since you see the young woman in so poetical a light," replied she in the same tone, "you had better turn the affair into a ballad. It is a grand subject, and worthy of supernatural machinery. The storm, the startling knock at the door, the entrance of the sable knight Hollingsworth and this shadowy snow-maiden, who, precisely at the stroke of midnight, shall melt away at my feet in a pool of ice-cold water and give me my death with a pair of wet slippers! And when the verses are written, and polished quite to your mind, I will favor you with my idea as to what the girl really is."
"Since you see the young woman in such a poetic way," she responded in the same tone, "you might as well turn the story into a ballad. It's a fantastic topic, perfect for some supernatural elements. The storm, the unexpected knock at the door, the arrival of the dark knight Hollingsworth, and this mysterious snow-maiden, who, right at the stroke of midnight, will melt away at my feet into a pool of freezing water and send me to my grave with a pair of wet slippers! And once you've written the verses and polished them to your satisfaction, I'll share my thoughts on who the girl really is."
"Pray let me have it now," said I; "it shall be woven into the ballad."
"Please let me have it now," I said; "I will weave it into the ballad."
"She is neither more nor less," answered Zenobia, "than a seamstress from the city; and she has probably no more transcendental purpose than to do my miscellaneous sewing, for I suppose she will hardly expect to make my dresses."
"She's just a seamstress from the city," Zenobia replied, "and she probably doesn’t have any grand ambitions beyond doing my assorted sewing, since I doubt she expects to make my dresses."
"How can you decide upon her so easily?" I inquired.
"How can you choose her so easily?" I asked.
"Oh, we women judge one another by tokens that escape the obtuseness of masculine perceptions!" said Zenobia. "There is no proof which you would be likely to appreciate, except the needle marks on the tip of her forefinger. Then, my supposition perfectly accounts for her paleness, her nervousness, and her wretched fragility. Poor thing! She has been stifled with the heat of a salamander stove, in a small, close room, and has drunk coffee, and fed upon doughnuts, raisins, candy, and all such trash, till she is scarcely half alive; and so, as she has hardly any physique, a poet like Mr. Miles Coverdale may be allowed to think her spiritual."
"Oh, we women judge each other by signs that men often overlook!" said Zenobia. "There's no evidence you would likely understand, except for the needle marks on the tip of her forefinger. This perfectly explains her paleness, her nervousness, and her miserable fragility. Poor thing! She has been suffocated by the heat of a salamander stove in a small, cramped room, and has lived on coffee, doughnuts, raisins, candy, and all that junk, until she is barely alive; and so, since she has hardly any physical strength, a poet like Mr. Miles Coverdale might be tempted to think of her as spiritual."
"Look at her now!" whispered I.
"Check her out now!" I whispered.
Priscilla was gazing towards us with an inexpressible sorrow in her wan face and great tears running down her cheeks. It was difficult to resist the impression that, cautiously as we had lowered our voices, she must have overheard and been wounded by Zenobia's scornful estimate of her character and purposes.
Priscilla was looking at us with a deep sadness on her pale face, tears streaming down her cheeks. It was hard to shake the feeling that, no matter how softly we had spoken, she must have heard Zenobia's disdainful judgment of her character and intentions, and it had hurt her.
"What ears the girl must have!" whispered Zenobia, with a look of vexation, partly comic and partly real. "I will confess to you that I cannot quite make her out. However, I am positively not an ill-natured person, unless when very grievously provoked,—and as you, and especially Mr. Hollingsworth, take so much interest in this odd creature, and as she knocks with a very slight tap against my own heart likewise,—why, I mean to let her in. From this moment I will be reasonably kind to her. There is no pleasure in tormenting a person of one's own sex, even if she do favor one with a little more love than one can conveniently dispose of; and that, let me say, Mr. Coverdale, is the most troublesome offence you can offer to a woman."
"What ears that girl must have!" whispered Zenobia, with a mix of annoyance that was both comic and genuine. "I have to admit, I can't quite figure her out. However, I'm definitely not a mean person, unless I'm really pushed— and since you, especially Mr. Hollingsworth, seem so interested in this strange girl, and since she lightly taps on my own heart as well—well, I’ve decided to let her in. From now on, I’ll be reasonably kind to her. There’s no fun in tormenting someone of your own gender, even if she gives you a bit more affection than you know what to do with; and that, let me tell you, Mr. Coverdale, is the most annoying thing a woman can face."
"Thank you," said I, smiling; "I don't mean to be guilty of it."
"Thank you," I said with a smile; "I don't intend to be at fault."
She went towards Priscilla, took her hand, and passed her own rosy finger-tips, with a pretty, caressing movement, over the girl's hair. The touch had a magical effect. So vivid a look of joy flushed up beneath those fingers, that it seemed as if the sad and wan Priscilla had been snatched away, and another kind of creature substituted in her place. This one caress, bestowed voluntarily by Zenobia, was evidently received as a pledge of all that the stranger sought from her, whatever the unuttered boon might be. From that instant, too, she melted in quietly amongst us, and was no longer a foreign element. Though always an object of peculiar interest, a riddle, and a theme of frequent discussion, her tenure at Blithedale was thenceforth fixed. We no more thought of questioning it, than if Priscilla had been recognized as a domestic sprite, who had haunted the rustic fireside of old, before we had ever been warmed by its blaze.
She walked over to Priscilla, took her hand, and gently ran her soft, pink fingertips through the girl’s hair. The touch had an enchanting effect. A bright look of joy lit up under those fingers, making it seem like the sad, pale Priscilla had been replaced by a different kind of person. This one tender gesture from Zenobia was clearly seen as a promise of everything the stranger sought from her, no matter what the unspoken wish might be. From that moment on, she blended quietly with us and was no longer an outsider. Though she always remained particularly intriguing, a puzzle, and a topic of frequent discussion, her place at Blithedale was now secure. We no longer thought to question it, just as if Priscilla had been recognized as a domestic spirit who had warmed the rustic fireside long before any of us had ever felt its heat.
She now produced, out of a work-bag that she had with her, some little wooden instruments (what they are called I never knew), and proceeded to knit, or net, an article which ultimately took the shape of a silk purse. As the work went on, I remembered to have seen just such purses before; indeed, I was the possessor of one. Their peculiar excellence, besides the great delicacy and beauty of the manufacture, lay in the almost impossibility that any uninitiated person should discover the aperture; although, to a practised touch, they would open as wide as charity or prodigality might wish. I wondered if it were not a symbol of Priscilla's own mystery.
She took out a small bag she had with her and pulled out some little wooden tools (I never knew what they were called) and started to knit or net something that eventually became a silk purse. As she worked, I remembered having seen purses like that before; in fact, I owned one. Their unique quality, in addition to the delicate and beautiful craftsmanship, was that almost no one unfamiliar with them could find the opening; however, to someone experienced, they could open as easily as anyone's generosity or extravagance might desire. I wondered if it was a symbol of Priscilla’s own mystery.
Notwithstanding the new confidence with which Zenobia had inspired her, our guest showed herself disquieted by the storm. When the strong puffs of wind spattered the snow against the windows and made the oaken frame of the farmhouse creak, she looked at us apprehensively, as if to inquire whether these tempestuous outbreaks did not betoken some unusual mischief in the shrieking blast. She had been bred up, no doubt, in some close nook, some inauspiciously sheltered court of the city, where the uttermost rage of a tempest, though it might scatter down the slates of the roof into the bricked area, could not shake the casement of her little room. The sense of vast, undefined space, pressing from the outside against the black panes of our uncurtained windows, was fearful to the poor girl, heretofore accustomed to the narrowness of human limits, with the lamps of neighboring tenements glimmering across the street. The house probably seemed to her adrift on the great ocean of the night. A little parallelogram of sky was all that she had hitherto known of nature, so that she felt the awfulness that really exists in its limitless extent. Once, while the blast was bellowing, she caught hold of Zenobia's robe, with precisely the air of one who hears her own name spoken at a distance, but is unutterably reluctant to obey the call.
Despite the newfound confidence that Zenobia had given her, our guest appeared uneasy in the storm. As the strong gusts of wind slammed the snow against the windows and made the farmhouse’s wooden frame creak, she looked at us nervously, as if to ask whether these violent outbursts signaled some unusual danger in the howling winds. She was probably raised in a sheltered corner of the city, where the fiercest storms, even if they knocked slates off the roof, couldn’t rattle the windows of her little room. The feeling of vast, undefined space pressing against the dark panes of our bare windows was terrifying for her, as she was used to the confinement of city life, with the lights of nearby buildings flickering across the street. The house likely felt to her like it was floating on the great ocean of the night. A tiny patch of sky was all she had known of nature, so she sensed the true terror that exists in its boundless expanse. Once, while the wind was howling, she grabbed Zenobia’s robe, exactly like someone who hears their name called from a distance but is deeply hesitant to respond.
We spent rather an incommunicative evening. Hollingsworth hardly said a word, unless when repeatedly and pertinaciously addressed. Then, indeed, he would glare upon us from the thick shrubbery of his meditations like a tiger out of a jungle, make the briefest reply possible, and betake himself back into the solitude of his heart and mind. The poor fellow had contracted this ungracious habit from the intensity with which he contemplated his own ideas, and the infrequent sympathy which they met with from his auditors,—a circumstance that seemed only to strengthen the implicit confidence that he awarded to them. His heart, I imagine, was never really interested in our socialist scheme, but was forever busy with his strange, and, as most people thought it, impracticable plan, for the reformation of criminals through an appeal to their higher instincts.
We had a pretty quiet evening. Hollingsworth hardly spoke a word unless someone addressed him multiple times. Then he would glare at us from the thick shrubbery of his thoughts like a tiger emerging from the jungle, give the shortest possible answer, and retreat back into his own solitude. The poor guy had picked up this unapproachable habit from how deeply he focused on his own ideas and the little sympathy he received from his listeners—a situation that seemed to boost the unshakable confidence he had in them. I don't think his heart was ever really invested in our socialist plan; it was always occupied with his strange, and what most people saw as unrealistic, idea of reforming criminals by appealing to their higher instincts.
Much as I liked Hollingsworth, it cost me many a groan to tolerate him on this point. He ought to have commenced his investigation of the subject by perpetrating some huge sin in his proper person, and examining the condition of his higher instincts afterwards.
As much as I liked Hollingsworth, it took a lot for me to deal with him on this issue. He should have started his exploration of the topic by committing a serious mistake himself and then reflecting on the state of his higher instincts afterward.
The rest of us formed ourselves into a committee for providing our infant community with an appropriate name,—a matter of greatly more difficulty than the uninitiated reader would suppose. Blithedale was neither good nor bad. We should have resumed the old Indian name of the premises, had it possessed the oil-and-honey flow which the aborigines were so often happy in communicating to their local appellations; but it chanced to be a harsh, ill-connected, and interminable word, which seemed to fill the mouth with a mixture of very stiff clay and very crumbly pebbles. Zenobia suggested "Sunny Glimpse," as expressive of a vista into a better system of society. This we turned over and over for a while, acknowledging its prettiness, but concluded it to be rather too fine and sentimental a name (a fault inevitable by literary ladies in such attempts) for sunburnt men to work under. I ventured to whisper "Utopia," which, however, was unanimously scouted down, and the proposer very harshly maltreated, as if he had intended a latent satire. Some were for calling our institution "The Oasis," in view of its being the one green spot in the moral sand-waste of the world; but others insisted on a proviso for reconsidering the matter at a twelvemonths' end, when a final decision might be had, whether to name it "The Oasis" or "Sahara." So, at last, finding it impracticable to hammer out anything better, we resolved that the spot should still be Blithedale, as being of good augury enough.
The rest of us formed a committee to come up with a fitting name for our new community—a task that turned out to be much more challenging than an uninformed reader might think. Blithedale was neither a great nor terrible name. We would have reverted to the original Native American name of the place if it had had the smooth, melodic quality that the natives often infused into their local names; unfortunately, it turned out to be a harsh and awkwardly long word that felt like trying to say something with a mouthful of both stiff clay and crumbling pebbles. Zenobia suggested "Sunny Glimpse," which seemed to reflect a peek into a better society. We discussed it for a while, recognizing how charming it was, but ultimately decided it was a bit too fancy and sentimental—a common pitfall for literary women in these discussions—for rugged men to work under. I timidly proposed "Utopia," but that was shot down unanimously, and the person who suggested it was treated rather harshly, as if they had meant it as a hidden insult. Some wanted to call our project "The Oasis," considering it a green spot in the moral desert of the world; however, others pushed for revisiting the decision in a year to see whether we would call it "The Oasis" or "Sahara." Finally, after realizing we couldn't come up with anything better, we decided to stick with Blithedale, which seemed good enough.
The evening wore on, and the outer solitude looked in upon us through the windows, gloomy, wild, and vague, like another state of existence, close beside the little sphere of warmth and light in which we were the prattlers and bustlers of a moment. By and by the door was opened by Silas Foster, with a cotton handkerchief about his head, and a tallow candle in his hand.
The evening dragged on, and the outside solitude pressed against us through the windows, dark, wild, and unclear, like another world just next to the small space of warmth and light where we were the chatterers and movers of the moment. Eventually, Silas Foster opened the door, his head wrapped in a cotton handkerchief and a tallow candle in his hand.
"Take my advice, brother farmers," said he, with a great, broad, bottomless yawn, "and get to bed as soon as you can. I shall sound the horn at daybreak; and we've got the cattle to fodder, and nine cows to milk, and a dozen other things to do, before breakfast."
"Listen to me, fellow farmers," he said with a huge, deep yawn, "and try to get to bed as soon as possible. I'll blow the horn at dawn; we have cattle to feed, nine cows to milk, and a whole bunch of other things to take care of before breakfast."
Thus ended the first evening at Blithedale. I went shivering to my fireless chamber, with the miserable consciousness (which had been growing upon me for several hours past) that I had caught a tremendous cold, and should probably awaken, at the blast of the horn, a fit subject for a hospital. The night proved a feverish one. During the greater part of it, I was in that vilest of states when a fixed idea remains in the mind, like the nail in Sisera's brain, while innumerable other ideas go and come, and flutter to and fro, combining constant transition with intolerable sameness. Had I made a record of that night's half-waking dreams, it is my belief that it would have anticipated several of the chief incidents of this narrative, including a dim shadow of its catastrophe. Starting up in bed at length, I saw that the storm was past, and the moon was shining on the snowy landscape, which looked like a lifeless copy of the world in marble.
Thus ended the first evening at Blithedale. I went shivering to my cold room, fully aware (which had been nagging at me for several hours) that I had caught a terrible cold and would likely wake up, at the sound of the horn, feeling like a prime candidate for a hospital. The night turned out to be restless. For most of it, I was in that awful state where a single idea stays stuck in my mind, like the nail in Sisera's brain, while countless other thoughts come and go, flitting back and forth, mixing constant change with unbearable monotony. If I had kept a record of that night’s half-conscious dreams, I believe it would have foreshadowed several of the main events of this story, including a vague hint of its disaster. Finally sitting up in bed, I saw that the storm had passed, and the moon was shining on the snowy landscape, which looked like a lifeless replica of the world in marble.
From the bank of the distant river, which was shimmering in the moonlight, came the black shadow of the only cloud in heaven, driven swiftly by the wind, and passing over meadow and hillock, vanishing amid tufts of leafless trees, but reappearing on the hither side, until it swept across our doorstep.
From the bank of the faraway river, which was glistening in the moonlight, came the dark shadow of the only cloud in the sky, quickly pushed by the wind, moving over fields and small hills, disappearing among patches of bare trees, but then showing up on this side again, until it swept across our doorstep.
How cold an Arcadia was this!
How chilly was this Arcadia!
VI. COVERDALE'S SICK-CHAMBER
The horn sounded at daybreak, as Silas Foster had forewarned us, harsh, uproarious, inexorably drawn out, and as sleep-dispelling as if this hard-hearted old yeoman had got hold of the trump of doom.
The horn blared at dawn, just as Silas Foster had warned us, loud, blaring, drawn out, and as jarring as if this tough old farmer had gotten his hands on the trumpet of judgment day.
On all sides I could hear the creaking of the bedsteads, as the brethren of Blithedale started from slumber, and thrust themselves into their habiliments, all awry, no doubt, in their haste to begin the reformation of the world. Zenobia put her head into the entry, and besought Silas Foster to cease his clamor, and to be kind enough to leave an armful of firewood and a pail of water at her chamber door. Of the whole household,—unless, indeed, it were Priscilla, for whose habits, in this particular, I cannot vouch,—of all our apostolic society, whose mission was to bless mankind, Hollingsworth, I apprehend, was the only one who began the enterprise with prayer. My sleeping-room being but thinly partitioned from his, the solemn murmur of his voice made its way to my ears, compelling me to be an auditor of his awful privacy with the Creator. It affected me with a deep reverence for Hollingsworth, which no familiarity then existing, or that afterwards grew more intimate between us,—no, nor my subsequent perception of his own great errors,—ever quite effaced. It is so rare, in these times, to meet with a man of prayerful habits (except, of course, in the pulpit), that such an one is decidedly marked out by the light of transfiguration, shed upon him in the divine interview from which he passes into his daily life.
All around me, I could hear the beds creaking as the members of Blithedale woke up and hurriedly got dressed, probably looking pretty disheveled in their rush to start changing the world. Zenobia poked her head into the hallway and asked Silas Foster to stop making so much noise and to kindly leave a stack of firewood and a bucket of water at her door. Of the entire household—unless it was Priscilla, but I can’t vouch for her routine in this regard—of all our community whose goal was to help humanity, I believe Hollingsworth was the only one who kicked off the day with a prayer. Since my bedroom was only a thin wall away from his, the soft murmurs of his voice drifted to me, making me a witness to his profound moment with the Creator. I felt a deep respect for Hollingsworth, which no familiarity at the time, or even the closer bond we later formed—nor my later realization of his serious flaws—could ever completely erase. It’s so rare these days to encounter someone with a habit of prayer (except, of course, from those in the pulpit), that such a person stands out like they’re illuminated by a glow from their divine encounters as they go about their daily life.
As for me, I lay abed; and if I said my prayers, it was backward, cursing my day as bitterly as patient Job himself. The truth was, the hot-house warmth of a town residence, and the luxurious life in which I indulged myself, had taken much of the pith out of my physical system; and the wintry blast of the preceding day, together with the general chill of our airy old farmhouse, had got fairly into my heart and the marrow of my bones. In this predicament, I seriously wished—selfish as it may appear—that the reformation of society had been postponed about half a century, or, at all events, to such a date as should have put my intermeddling with it entirely out of the question.
As for me, I stayed in bed; and if I said my prayers, they were half-hearted, cursing my day just as bitterly as Job did. The truth was, the stuffy warmth of my city apartment and the comfortable life I had been living had drained a lot of my energy; and the winter chill from the day before, along with the overall coldness of our old farmhouse, had really settled deep into my bones. In this situation, I honestly wished—selfish as it might sound—that the changes in society had been delayed by about fifty years, or at least until a time when I could completely avoid getting involved with it.
What, in the name of common-sense, had I to do with any better society than I had always lived in? It had satisfied me well enough. My pleasant bachelor-parlor, sunny and shadowy, curtained and carpeted, with the bedchamber adjoining; my centre-table, strewn with books and periodicals; my writing-desk with a half-finished poem, in a stanza of my own contrivance; my morning lounge at the reading-room or picture gallery; my noontide walk along the cheery pavement, with the suggestive succession of human faces, and the brisk throb of human life in which I shared; my dinner at the Albion, where I had a hundred dishes at command, and could banquet as delicately as the wizard Michael Scott when the Devil fed him from the king of France's kitchen; my evening at the billiard club, the concert, the theatre, or at somebody's party, if I pleased,—what could be better than all this? Was it better to hoe, to mow, to toil and moil amidst the accumulations of a barnyard; to be the chambermaid of two yoke of oxen and a dozen cows; to eat salt beef, and earn it with the sweat of my brow, and thereby take the tough morsel out of some wretch's mouth, into whose vocation I had thrust myself? Above all, was it better to have a fever and die blaspheming, as I was like to do?
What, for the love of common sense, did I have to do with any better society than the one I’d always lived in? It had satisfied me just fine. My cozy bachelor pad, sunny and shady, with curtains and carpets; my coffee table, covered with books and magazines; my writing desk with a half-finished poem, in a stanza I came up with myself; my morning chill at the reading room or art gallery; my noontime walk down the cheerful pavement, with the endless stream of human faces and the lively pulse of human life that I was part of; my dinner at the Albion, where I could choose from a hundred dishes and dine as elegantly as the wizard Michael Scott when the Devil served him from the king of France's kitchen; my evenings at the billiard club, a concert, the theater, or someone’s party, if I felt like it—what could be better than all this? Was it better to hoe, to mow, to work and toil in the mess of a barnyard; to be the maid for two yoke of oxen and a dozen cows; to eat tough salt beef, earning it with my hard work, and thereby take the rough piece of meat away from someone else’s mouth, someone whose job I had intruded upon? Above all, was it better to have a fever and die cursing, as I was likely to do?
In this wretched plight, with a furnace in my heart and another in my head, by the heat of which I was kept constantly at the boiling point, yet shivering at the bare idea of extruding so much as a finger into the icy atmosphere of the room, I kept my bed until breakfast-time, when Hollingsworth knocked at the door, and entered.
In this miserable situation, with a fire in my heart and another in my head, I was kept constantly on edge, yet trembling at the thought of sticking even a finger out into the freezing air of the room. I stayed in bed until breakfast time, when Hollingsworth knocked at the door and came in.
"Well, Coverdale," cried he, "you bid fair to make an admirable farmer! Don't you mean to get up to-day?"
"Well, Coverdale," he exclaimed, "you really seem like you'll be an amazing farmer! Aren't you planning to get up today?"
"Neither to-day nor to-morrow," said I hopelessly. "I doubt if I ever rise again!"
"Not today or tomorrow," I said hopelessly. "I doubt I'll ever get up again!"
"What is the matter now?" he asked.
"What’s the problem now?" he asked.
I told him my piteous case, and besought him to send me back to town in a close carriage.
I told him about my unfortunate situation and asked him to send me back to town in a private carriage.
"No, no!" said Hollingsworth with kindly seriousness. "If you are really sick, we must take care of you."
"No, no!" Hollingsworth said earnestly. "If you're really sick, we need to take care of you."
Accordingly he built a fire in my chamber, and, having little else to do while the snow lay on the ground, established himself as my nurse. A doctor was sent for, who, being homaeopathic, gave me as much medicine, in the course of a fortnight's attendance, as would have laid on the point of a needle. They fed me on water-gruel, and I speedily became a skeleton above ground. But, after all, I have many precious recollections connected with that fit of sickness.
Accordingly, he built a fire in my room, and since I had little else to do while the snow was on the ground, he took on the role of my caretaker. A doctor was called, who, being homeopathic, prescribed me so little medicine during his two weeks of visits that it could have fit on the tip of a needle. They fed me water gruel, and I quickly became nothing but skin and bones. But still, I have many fond memories tied to that period of illness.
Hollingsworth's more than brotherly attendance gave me inexpressible comfort. Most men—and certainly I could not always claim to be one of the exceptions—have a natural indifference, if not an absolutely hostile feeling, towards those whom disease, or weakness, or calamity of any kind causes to falter and faint amid the rude jostle of our selfish existence. The education of Christianity, it is true, the sympathy of a like experience and the example of women, may soften and, possibly, subvert this ugly characteristic of our sex; but it is originally there, and has likewise its analogy in the practice of our brute brethren, who hunt the sick or disabled member of the herd from among them, as an enemy. It is for this reason that the stricken deer goes apart, and the sick lion grimly withdraws himself into his den. Except in love, or the attachments of kindred, or other very long and habitual affection, we really have no tenderness. But there was something of the woman moulded into the great, stalwart frame of Hollingsworth; nor was he ashamed of it, as men often are of what is best in them, nor seemed ever to know that there was such a soft place in his heart. I knew it well, however, at that time, although afterwards it came nigh to be forgotten. Methought there could not be two such men alive as Hollingsworth. There never was any blaze of a fireside that warmed and cheered me, in the down-sinkings and shiverings of my spirit, so effectually as did the light out of those eyes, which lay so deep and dark under his shaggy brows.
Hollingsworth's more than brotherly support brought me immense comfort. Most men—and I certainly can't always claim to be an exception—have a natural indifference, if not an outright hostile attitude, toward those who stumble and struggle amidst the harsh reality of our selfish lives due to illness, weakness, or any kind of misfortune. It's true that the teachings of Christianity, the empathy born from shared experiences, and the influence of women might soften, and possibly counteract, this unattractive trait in men; but it’s inherently there, and it also reflects in the behavior of animals, who drive the sick or disabled member from the group as if they were an enemy. This is why the injured deer isolates itself and the sick lion retreats into its den. Aside from love, familial bonds, or other deep, long-standing connections, we really have no compassion. But there was something of a nurturing nature in the strong, robust build of Hollingsworth; he wasn't ashamed of it, as many men often are of their better qualities, nor did he seem to realize that there was such a softer side to his heart. I recognized it well at that time, although it nearly faded from my memory later on. I thought there couldn't possibly be another man like Hollingsworth. No firelight has ever warmed and uplifted me during the lows and chills of my spirit as profoundly as the glow from those deep, dark eyes beneath his thick brows.
Happy the man that has such a friend beside him when he comes to die! and unless a friend like Hollingsworth be at hand,—as most probably there will not,—he had better make up his mind to die alone. How many men, I wonder, does one meet with in a lifetime, whom he would choose for his deathbed companions! At the crisis of my fever I besought Hollingsworth to let nobody else enter the room, but continually to make me sensible of his own presence by a grasp of the hand, a word, a prayer, if he thought good to utter it; and that then he should be the witness how courageously I would encounter the worst. It still impresses me as almost a matter of regret that I did not die then, when I had tolerably made up my mind to it; for Hollingsworth would have gone with me to the hither verge of life, and have sent his friendly and hopeful accents far over on the other side, while I should be treading the unknown path. Now, were I to send for him, he would hardly come to my bedside, nor should I depart the easier for his presence.
Happy is the person who has such a friend by their side when it's time to die! And unless a friend like Hollingsworth is around—and it's likely he won’t be—it's better to accept dying alone. I wonder how many people one meets in a lifetime that they would choose to have as companions at their deathbed! During my fever, I begged Hollingsworth to keep everyone else out of the room and to always remind me of his presence with a hand squeeze, a word, or a prayer if he felt like saying one; then he could witness how bravely I would face the worst. It still feels like a missed opportunity that I didn’t die then, when I was fairly resolved to it; because Hollingsworth would have accompanied me to the very end of life, sending his supportive and hopeful words far across to the other side while I ventured into the unknown. Now, if I were to call for him, he would probably not come to my bedside, nor would his presence make my departure any easier.
"You are not going to die, this time," said he, gravely smiling. "You know nothing about sickness, and think your case a great deal more desperate than it is."
"You’re not going to die this time," he said with a serious smile. "You know nothing about being sick, and you’re making your situation seem a lot worse than it really is."
"Death should take me while I am in the mood," replied I, with a little of my customary levity.
"Death should come for me while I'm feeling this way," I replied, with a hint of my usual lightheartedness.
"Have you nothing to do in life," asked Hollingsworth, "that you fancy yourself so ready to leave it?"
"Don't you have anything going on in your life," Hollingsworth asked, "that makes you think you're so eager to leave it?"
"Nothing," answered I; "nothing that I know of, unless to make pretty verses, and play a part, with Zenobia and the rest of the amateurs, in our pastoral. It seems but an unsubstantial sort of business, as viewed through a mist of fever. But, dear Hollingsworth, your own vocation is evidently to be a priest, and to spend your days and nights in helping your fellow creatures to draw peaceful dying breaths."
"Nothing," I replied; "nothing I can think of, except making pretty poems and acting with Zenobia and the other amateurs in our pastoral play. It seems like a pretty flimsy thing to be doing, especially when I’m seeing it through this haze of fever. But, dear Hollingsworth, it’s clear that your calling is to be a priest, dedicating your days and nights to helping others take peaceful final breaths."
"And by which of my qualities," inquired he, "can you suppose me fitted for this awful ministry?"
"And what qualities do you think make me suited for this terrible job?" he asked.
"By your tenderness," I said. "It seems to me the reflection of God's own love."
"By your kindness," I said. "It feels to me like a reflection of God's own love."
"And you call me tender!" repeated Hollingsworth thoughtfully. "I should rather say that the most marked trait in my character is an inflexible severity of purpose. Mortal man has no right to be so inflexible as it is my nature and necessity to be."
"And you call me tender!" Hollingsworth said thoughtfully. "I would say that the strongest trait in my character is an unyielding resolve. No human being has the right to be as unyielding as it is my nature and necessity to be."
"I do not believe it," I replied.
"I don't believe it," I replied.
But, in due time, I remembered what he said.
But, in time, I remembered what he said.
Probably, as Hollingsworth suggested, my disorder was never so serious as, in my ignorance of such matters, I was inclined to consider it. After so much tragical preparation, it was positively rather mortifying to find myself on the mending hand.
Probably, as Hollingsworth suggested, my condition was never as serious as I foolishly thought it was. After all that dramatic build-up, it was actually quite disappointing to realize I was on the road to recovery.
All the other members of the Community showed me kindness, according to the full measure of their capacity. Zenobia brought me my gruel every day, made by her own hands (not very skilfully, if the truth must be told), and, whenever I seemed inclined to converse, would sit by my bedside, and talk with so much vivacity as to add several gratuitous throbs to my pulse. Her poor little stories and tracts never half did justice to her intellect. It was only the lack of a fitter avenue that drove her to seek development in literature. She was made (among a thousand other things that she might have been) for a stump oratress. I recognized no severe culture in Zenobia; her mind was full of weeds. It startled me sometimes, in my state of moral as well as bodily faint-heartedness, to observe the hardihood of her philosophy. She made no scruple of oversetting all human institutions, and scattering them as with a breeze from her fan. A female reformer, in her attacks upon society, has an instinctive sense of where the life lies, and is inclined to aim directly at that spot. Especially the relation between the sexes is naturally among the earliest to attract her notice.
All the other members of the Community were kind to me in their own ways. Zenobia brought me my gruel every day, made by her own hands (not very skillfully, to be honest), and whenever I seemed up for a chat, she would sit by my bedside and talk with so much energy that it added several unexpected beats to my pulse. Her little stories and essays never truly reflected her intellect. It was only the lack of a better outlet that led her to pursue writing. She was meant for so many things, but she could have easily been a great public speaker. I didn’t see much formal education in Zenobia; her mind was filled with rough ideas. It sometimes surprised me, in my weak state both morally and physically, to see how bold her philosophy was. She had no hesitation about challenging all human institutions and tossing them aside like leaves in the wind. A female reformer, when she goes after societal issues, has an instinctive sense of where the core problems are and aims straight for them. The relationship between the sexes, in particular, is one of the first things to catch her attention.
Zenobia was truly a magnificent woman. The homely simplicity of her dress could not conceal, nor scarcely diminish, the queenliness of her presence. The image of her form and face should have been multiplied all over the earth. It was wronging the rest of mankind to retain her as the spectacle of only a few. The stage would have been her proper sphere. She should have made it a point of duty, moreover, to sit endlessly to painters and sculptors, and preferably to the latter; because the cold decorum of the marble would consist with the utmost scantiness of drapery, so that the eye might chastely be gladdened with her material perfection in its entireness. I know not well how to express that the native glow of coloring in her cheeks, and even the flesh-warmth over her round arms, and what was visible of her full bust,—in a word, her womanliness incarnated,—compelled me sometimes to close my eyes, as if it were not quite the privilege of modesty to gaze at her. Illness and exhaustion, no doubt, had made me morbidly sensitive.
Zenobia was a truly incredible woman. The simple style of her dress couldn’t hide, nor could it really lessen, the royal quality of her presence. Her form and face should have been seen everywhere. It was unfair to the rest of humanity to keep her as a spectacle for only a few. The stage would have been the perfect place for her. She should have made it a priority to pose endlessly for painters and sculptors, especially the latter; because the cold elegance of marble would allow for the minimal use of drapery, letting the eye be delightfully captivated by her physical perfection in its entirety. I'm not quite sure how to express that the natural glow of color in her cheeks, the warmth of her skin on her round arms, and what was visible of her full bust—putting it simply, her womanliness in its purest form—sometimes made me want to close my eyes, as if modesty didn’t allow me to look at her. Illness and exhaustion had probably made me overly sensitive.
I noticed—and wondered how Zenobia contrived it—that she had always a new flower in her hair. And still it was a hot-house flower,—an outlandish flower,—a flower of the tropics, such as appeared to have sprung passionately out of a soil the very weeds of which would be fervid and spicy. Unlike as was the flower of each successive day to the preceding one, it yet so assimilated its richness to the rich beauty of the woman, that I thought it the only flower fit to be worn; so fit, indeed, that Nature had evidently created this floral gem, in a happy exuberance, for the one purpose of worthily adorning Zenobia's head. It might be that my feverish fantasies clustered themselves about this peculiarity, and caused it to look more gorgeous and wonderful than if beheld with temperate eyes. In the height of my illness, as I well recollect, I went so far as to pronounce it preternatural.
I noticed—and wondered how Zenobia managed it—that she always had a new flower in her hair. And still, it was a greenhouse flower—an exotic flower—a tropical flower that seemed to have passionately sprouted from soil where even the weeds would be vibrant and aromatic. Although each day's flower was different from the one before, it still blended its richness with the woman's striking beauty, making it seem like the only flower worthy of wearing; so fitting, in fact, that Nature had clearly created this floral gem in a burst of joy just to adorn Zenobia's head. It might be that my feverish imagination focused on this uniqueness and made it seem more stunning and extraordinary than if seen with moderate eyes. During the height of my illness, as I clearly remember, I even went so far as to call it otherworldly.
"Zenobia is an enchantress!" whispered I once to Hollingsworth. "She is a sister of the Veiled Lady. That flower in her hair is a talisman. If you were to snatch it away, she would vanish, or be transformed into something else."
"Zenobia is a sorceress!" I once whispered to Hollingsworth. "She's a sister of the Veiled Lady. That flower in her hair is a charm. If you were to take it away, she would disappear or turn into something else."
"What does he say?" asked Zenobia.
"What does he say?" Zenobia asked.
"Nothing that has an atom of sense in it," answered Hollingsworth. "He is a little beside himself, I believe, and talks about your being a witch, and of some magical property in the flower that you wear in your hair."
"Nothing that makes any sense," Hollingsworth replied. "I think he’s a bit out of it and is saying that you’re a witch and that there’s some magical quality in the flower you have in your hair."
"It is an idea worthy of a feverish poet," said she, laughing rather compassionately, and taking out the flower. "I scorn to owe anything to magic. Here, Mr. Hollingsworth, you may keep the spell while it has any virtue in it; but I cannot promise you not to appear with a new one to-morrow. It is the one relic of my more brilliant, my happier days!"
"It’s an idea fit for an overzealous poet," she said, laughing a bit kindly as she took out the flower. "I refuse to owe anything to magic. Here, Mr. Hollingsworth, you can keep the spell as long as it’s still useful; but I can’t promise I won’t show up with a new one tomorrow. It’s the only reminder of my more glamorous, happier days!"
The most curious part of the matter was that, long after my slight delirium had passed away,—as long, indeed, as I continued to know this remarkable woman,—her daily flower affected my imagination, though more slightly, yet in very much the same way. The reason must have been that, whether intentionally on her part or not, this favorite ornament was actually a subtile expression of Zenobia's character.
The most interesting part of the situation was that, long after my brief delirium had faded—indeed, for as long as I continued to know this remarkable woman—her daily flower still influenced my imagination, though to a lesser degree, yet in a very similar way. The reason must have been that, whether she intended it or not, this favorite ornament was actually a subtle expression of Zenobia's character.
One subject, about which—very impertinently, moreover—I perplexed myself with a great many conjectures, was, whether Zenobia had ever been married. The idea, it must be understood, was unauthorized by any circumstance or suggestion that had made its way to my ears. So young as I beheld her, and the freshest and rosiest woman of a thousand, there was certainly no need of imputing to her a destiny already accomplished; the probability was far greater that her coming years had all life's richest gifts to bring. If the great event of a woman's existence had been consummated, the world knew nothing of it, although the world seemed to know Zenobia well. It was a ridiculous piece of romance, undoubtedly, to imagine that this beautiful personage, wealthy as she was, and holding a position that might fairly enough be called distinguished, could have given herself away so privately, but that some whisper and suspicion, and by degrees a full understanding of the fact, would eventually be blown abroad. But then, as I failed not to consider, her original home was at a distance of many hundred miles. Rumors might fill the social atmosphere, or might once have filled it, there, which would travel but slowly, against the wind, towards our Northeastern metropolis, and perhaps melt into thin air before reaching it.
One topic that I found myself obsessing over, somewhat annoyingly, was whether Zenobia had ever been married. It's important to note that this idea wasn't based on any information or hints that I had heard. Given her youth, and how vibrant and beautiful she was, there was no reason to assume she had already lived through such a significant event; it seemed much more likely that her future held all of life's greatest blessings. If she had indeed gone through the big event that marks a woman's life, the world was completely unaware of it, even though everyone seemed to know Zenobia well. It was undeniably a silly fantasy to think that this stunning woman, who was wealthy and held a position that could definitely be called distinguished, could have married in such secrecy that eventually people wouldn’t catch on. However, I also had to consider that her family was hundreds of miles away. Rumors might have circulated in her social circle there, or perhaps once did, but they would travel slowly against the winds toward our Northeastern city and might disappear entirely before arriving.
There was not—and I distinctly repeat it—the slightest foundation in my knowledge for any surmise of the kind. But there is a species of intuition,—either a spiritual lie or the subtile recognition of a fact,—which comes to us in a reduced state of the corporeal system. The soul gets the better of the body, after wasting illness, or when a vegetable diet may have mingled too much ether in the blood. Vapors then rise up to the brain, and take shapes that often image falsehood, but sometimes truth. The spheres of our companions have, at such periods, a vastly greater influence upon our own than when robust health gives us a repellent and self-defensive energy. Zenobia's sphere, I imagine, impressed itself powerfully on mine, and transformed me, during this period of my weakness, into something like a mesmerical clairvoyant.
There was not—and I want to emphasize this—any basis in my knowledge for any assumption like that. But there is a kind of intuition, whether it’s a spiritual trick or a subtle recognition of a reality, that comes to us when our physical state is diminished. The mind can overpower the body after a long illness, or when a plant-based diet has introduced too much ether into our blood. Vapors then rise to the brain, forming images that often represent falsehood, but sometimes truth. The energy of those around us has a much stronger impact on our own during these times than when we're in good health and have a self-protective energy. I believe Zenobia's energy strongly influenced me, turning me into something like a mesmerized clairvoyant during this time of weakness.
Then, also, as anybody could observe, the freedom of her deportment (though, to some tastes, it might commend itself as the utmost perfection of manner in a youthful widow or a blooming matron) was not exactly maiden-like. What girl had ever laughed as Zenobia did? What girl had ever spoken in her mellow tones? Her unconstrained and inevitable manifestation, I said often to myself, was that of a woman to whom wedlock had thrown wide the gates of mystery. Yet sometimes I strove to be ashamed of these conjectures. I acknowledged it as a masculine grossness—a sin of wicked interpretation, of which man is often guilty towards the other sex—thus to mistake the sweet, liberal, but womanly frankness of a noble and generous disposition. Still, it was of no avail to reason with myself nor to upbraid myself. Pertinaciously the thought, "Zenobia is a wife; Zenobia has lived and loved! There is no folded petal, no latent dewdrop, in this perfectly developed rose!"—irresistibly that thought drove out all other conclusions, as often as my mind reverted to the subject.
Then, as anyone could see, her free-spirited attitude (even if some might view it as the ideal behavior for a young widow or a radiant matron) was not exactly demure. What girl had ever laughed like Zenobia? What girl had ever spoken in such rich tones? I often told myself that her carefree and inevitable expression was that of a woman who had been opened to the mysteries of marriage. Yet sometimes I tried to feel ashamed of these thoughts. I recognized it as a now-familiar flaw—a misunderstanding that men frequently have towards women—mistaking the sweet, open, yet womanly honesty of a noble and generous spirit. Still, reasoning with myself or scolding myself was of no use. The persistent thought, "Zenobia is married; Zenobia has lived and loved! There’s no tightly closed petal, no hidden dewdrop, in this fully bloomed rose!"—that thought pushed away all other conclusions every time I thought about it.
Zenobia was conscious of my observation, though not, I presume, of the point to which it led me.
Zenobia was aware that I was watching her, though I doubt she understood the conclusion I was drawing from it.
"Mr. Coverdale," said she one day, as she saw me watching her, while she arranged my gruel on the table, "I have been exposed to a great deal of eye-shot in the few years of my mixing in the world, but never, I think, to precisely such glances as you are in the habit of favoring me with. I seem to interest you very much; and yet—or else a woman's instinct is for once deceived—I cannot reckon you as an admirer. What are you seeking to discover in me?"
"Mr. Coverdale," she said one day, noticing me watching her as she set up my gruel on the table, "I've been under a lot of scrutiny in my few years of being in the world, but I don't think I've ever received quite the same looks that you give me. I seem to really catch your interest; yet—unless I'm misreading things, which can happen—I can't see you as an admirer. What are you trying to find out about me?"
"The mystery of your life," answered I, surprised into the truth by the unexpectedness of her attack. "And you will never tell me."
"The mystery of your life," I replied, caught off guard by her sudden confrontation. "And you'll never reveal it to me."
She bent her head towards me, and let me look into her eyes, as if challenging me to drop a plummet-line down into the depths of her consciousness.
She leaned her head towards me and let me look into her eyes, as if daring me to drop a plumb line down into the depths of her mind.
"I see nothing now," said I, closing my own eyes, "unless it be the face of a sprite laughing at me from the bottom of a deep well."
"I don't see anything now," I said, closing my eyes, "except maybe the face of a fairy laughing at me from the bottom of a deep well."
A bachelor always feels himself defrauded, when he knows or suspects that any woman of his acquaintance has given herself away. Otherwise, the matter could have been no concern of mine. It was purely speculative, for I should not, under any circumstances, have fallen in love with Zenobia. The riddle made me so nervous, however, in my sensitive condition of mind and body, that I most ungratefully began to wish that she would let me alone. Then, too, her gruel was very wretched stuff, with almost invariably the smell of pine smoke upon it, like the evil taste that is said to mix itself up with a witch's best concocted dainties. Why could not she have allowed one of the other women to take the gruel in charge? Whatever else might be her gifts, Nature certainly never intended Zenobia for a cook. Or, if so, she should have meddled only with the richest and spiciest dishes, and such as are to be tasted at banquets, between draughts of intoxicating wine.
A bachelor always feels cheated when he knows or suspects that any woman he knows has given herself away. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have mattered to me at all. It was purely theoretical because I would never, under any circumstances, have fallen in love with Zenobia. The whole situation made me so anxious, given my delicate state of mind and body, that I began to ungratefully wish she would just leave me alone. Plus, her gruel was terrible, almost always having a scent of pine smoke, like the unpleasant taste that’s said to mix with a witch's finest treats. Why couldn't she have let one of the other women handle the gruel? No matter what her other talents might be, Nature clearly never meant Zenobia to be a cook. Or if she did, she should have only worked with the richest and spiciest dishes, ones meant for banquets, between sips of intoxicating wine.
VII. THE CONVALESCENT
As soon as my incommodities allowed me to think of past occurrences, I failed not to inquire what had become of the odd little guest whom Hollingsworth had been the medium of introducing among us. It now appeared that poor Priscilla had not so literally fallen out of the clouds, as we were at first inclined to suppose. A letter, which should have introduced her, had since been received from one of the city missionaries, containing a certificate of character and an allusion to circumstances which, in the writer's judgment, made it especially desirable that she should find shelter in our Community. There was a hint, not very intelligible, implying either that Priscilla had recently escaped from some particular peril or irksomeness of position, or else that she was still liable to this danger or difficulty, whatever it might be. We should ill have deserved the reputation of a benevolent fraternity, had we hesitated to entertain a petitioner in such need, and so strongly recommended to our kindness; not to mention, moreover, that the strange maiden had set herself diligently to work, and was doing good service with her needle. But a slight mist of uncertainty still floated about Priscilla, and kept her, as yet, from taking a very decided place among creatures of flesh and blood.
As soon as I was able to think clearly about past events, I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to the unusual little guest that Hollingsworth had introduced to us. It turned out that poor Priscilla hadn’t just dropped out of nowhere like we initially thought. A letter that was supposed to introduce her had been received from one of the city missionaries, which included a character reference and mentioned circumstances that, in the writer's view, made it especially important for her to find shelter in our Community. There was an unclear hint that suggested either Priscilla had recently escaped from some kind of danger or difficult situation, or that she was still at risk of facing such a challenge, whatever it might be. We certainly wouldn’t deserve the reputation of being a caring community if we hesitated to help someone so in need and so highly recommended to our compassion; not to mention that the strange young woman had already started working hard and was contributing with her sewing. However, a slight haze of uncertainty still surrounded Priscilla, preventing her from fully taking her place among us as real, living people.
The mysterious attraction, which, from her first entrance on our scene, she evinced for Zenobia, had lost nothing of its force. I often heard her footsteps, soft and low, accompanying the light but decided tread of the latter up the staircase, stealing along the passage-way by her new friend's side, and pausing while Zenobia entered my chamber. Occasionally Zenobia would be a little annoyed by Priscilla's too close attendance. In an authoritative and not very kindly tone, she would advise her to breathe the pleasant air in a walk, or to go with her work into the barn, holding out half a promise to come and sit on the hay with her, when at leisure. Evidently, Priscilla found but scanty requital for her love. Hollingsworth was likewise a great favorite with her. For several minutes together sometimes, while my auditory nerves retained the susceptibility of delicate health, I used to hear a low, pleasant murmur ascending from the room below; and at last ascertained it to be Priscilla's voice, babbling like a little brook to Hollingsworth. She talked more largely and freely with him than with Zenobia, towards whom, indeed, her feelings seemed not so much to be confidence as involuntary affection. I should have thought all the better of my own qualities had Priscilla marked me out for the third place in her regards. But, though she appeared to like me tolerably well, I could never flatter myself with being distinguished by her as Hollingsworth and Zenobia were.
The mysterious attraction that she showed for Zenobia from the moment she arrived has not faded at all. I often heard her soft, quiet footsteps following the light but firm steps of Zenobia up the stairs, sneaking along the hallway next to her new friend and pausing whenever Zenobia entered my room. Sometimes Zenobia would get a bit annoyed with Priscilla's close attention. In a commanding and not-so-kind voice, she would suggest that Priscilla take a walk to enjoy the fresh air or move her work into the barn, hinting that she might come sit on the hay with her later when she had time. Clearly, Priscilla wasn't getting much in return for her affection. Hollingsworth was also a favorite of hers. For a few minutes at a time, while my sensitive ears were still aware, I would hear a soft, pleasant sound coming from the room below, eventually realizing it was Priscilla's voice, chatting away like a little brook to Hollingsworth. She opened up to him more than she did to Zenobia, whose presence seemed to evoke a feeling in her that was less about confidence and more like unintentional affection. I would have felt better about myself if Priscilla had acknowledged me as her third favorite. But even though she seemed to like me reasonably well, I could never convince myself that I held the same special place in her heart as Hollingsworth and Zenobia did.
One forenoon, during my convalescence, there came a gentle tap at my chamber door. I immediately said, "Come in, Priscilla!" with an acute sense of the applicant's identity. Nor was I deceived. It was really Priscilla,—a pale, large-eyed little woman (for she had gone far enough into her teens to be, at least, on the outer limit of girlhood), but much less wan than at my previous view of her, and far better conditioned both as to health and spirits. As I first saw her, she had reminded me of plants that one sometimes observes doing their best to vegetate among the bricks of an enclosed court, where there is scanty soil and never any sunshine. At present, though with no approach to bloom, there were indications that the girl had human blood in her veins.
One morning, while I was recovering, there was a gentle knock at my door. I immediately said, "Come in, Priscilla!" as I clearly recognized who it was. And I was right. It was Priscilla—a pale, big-eyed young woman (she was old enough to be on the edge of womanhood), but much less frail than the last time I saw her, and in much better health and spirits. When I first saw her, she reminded me of plants struggling to grow among the bricks of an enclosed courtyard, where there’s little soil and no sunshine. Now, although she wasn't blooming, there were signs that she had more life in her.
Priscilla came softly to my bedside, and held out an article of snow-white linen, very carefully and smoothly ironed. She did not seem bashful, nor anywise embarrassed. My weakly condition, I suppose, supplied a medium in which she could approach me.
Priscilla quietly came to my bedside and held out a piece of pristine white linen, expertly and smoothly ironed. She didn’t seem shy or embarrassed at all. I guess my frail condition made it easier for her to come close.
"Do not you need this?" asked she. "I have made it for you." It was a nightcap!
"Don't you need this?" she asked. "I made it for you." It was a nightcap!
"My dear Priscilla," said I, smiling, "I never had on a nightcap in my life! But perhaps it will be better for me to wear one, now that I am a miserable invalid. How admirably you have done it! No, no; I never can think of wearing such an exquisitely wrought nightcap as this, unless it be in the daytime, when I sit up to receive company."
"My dear Priscilla," I said with a smile, "I've never worn a nightcap in my life! But maybe it would be good for me to wear one now that I'm a miserable invalid. You've made it so beautifully! No, no; I could never think of wearing such a beautifully crafted nightcap as this unless it's during the day when I sit up to entertain guests."
"It is for use, not beauty," answered Priscilla. "I could have embroidered it and made it much prettier, if I pleased."
"It’s for use, not looks," Priscilla replied. "I could have embroidered it and made it a lot nicer if I wanted to."
While holding up the nightcap and admiring the fine needlework, I perceived that Priscilla had a sealed letter which she was waiting for me to take. It had arrived from the village post-office that morning. As I did not immediately offer to receive the letter, she drew it back, and held it against her bosom, with both hands clasped over it, in a way that had probably grown habitual to her. Now, on turning my eyes from the nightcap to Priscilla, it forcibly struck me that her air, though not her figure, and the expression of her face, but not its features, had a resemblance to what I had often seen in a friend of mine, one of the most gifted women of the age. I cannot describe it. The points easiest to convey to the reader were a certain curve of the shoulders and a partial closing of the eyes, which seemed to look more penetratingly into my own eyes, through the narrowed apertures, than if they had been open at full width. It was a singular anomaly of likeness coexisting with perfect dissimilitude.
While holding up the nightcap and admiring the fine needlework, I noticed that Priscilla had a sealed letter that she was waiting for me to take. It had arrived from the village post office that morning. Since I didn’t immediately reach for the letter, she pulled it back and held it against her chest, with both hands clasped over it, in a way that seemed to have become second nature to her. Now, as I looked from the nightcap to Priscilla, it struck me that her demeanor, though not her figure, and the expression on her face, but not its features, resembled what I had often seen in a friend of mine, one of the most talented women of the time. I can’t quite describe it. The aspects that were easiest to convey to the reader were a certain curve of her shoulders and a slight closing of her eyes, which seemed to look more deeply into my own eyes through the narrowed openings than if they had been wide open. It was a strange mix of likeness coexisting with complete difference.
"Will you give me the letter, Priscilla?" said I.
"Can you give me the letter, Priscilla?" I asked.
She started, put the letter into my hand, and quite lost the look that had drawn my notice.
She jumped, handed me the letter, and completely lost the expression that had caught my attention.
"Priscilla," I inquired, "did you ever see Miss Margaret Fuller?"
"Priscilla," I asked, "have you ever met Miss Margaret Fuller?"
"No," she answered.
"No," she replied.
"Because," said I, "you reminded me of her just now,—and it happens, strangely enough, that this very letter is from her."
"Because," I said, "you just reminded me of her—and oddly enough, this very letter is from her."
Priscilla, for whatever reason, looked very much discomposed.
Priscilla, for some reason, seemed really uneasy.
"I wish people would not fancy such odd things in me!" she said rather petulantly. "How could I possibly make myself resemble this lady merely by holding her letter in my hand?"
"I wish people wouldn't imagine such strange things about me!" she said somewhat annoyingly. "How could I possibly look like this lady just by holding her letter?"
"Certainly, Priscilla, it would puzzle me to explain it," I replied; "nor do I suppose that the letter had anything to do with it. It was just a coincidence, nothing more."
"Sure, Priscilla, I wouldn't know how to explain it," I replied; "and I don't think the letter had anything to do with it. It was just a coincidence, nothing more."
She hastened out of the room, and this was the last that I saw of Priscilla until I ceased to be an invalid.
She rushed out of the room, and that was the last time I saw Priscilla until I stopped being an invalid.
Being much alone during my recovery, I read interminably in Mr. Emerson's Essays, "The Dial," Carlyle's works, George Sand's romances (lent me by Zenobia), and other books which one or another of the brethren or sisterhood had brought with them. Agreeing in little else, most of these utterances were like the cry of some solitary sentinel, whose station was on the outposts of the advance guard of human progression; or sometimes the voice came sadly from among the shattered ruins of the past, but yet had a hopeful echo in the future. They were well adapted (better, at least, than any other intellectual products, the volatile essence of which had heretofore tinctured a printed page) to pilgrims like ourselves, whose present bivouac was considerably further into the waste of chaos than any mortal army of crusaders had ever marched before. Fourier's works, also, in a series of horribly tedious volumes, attracted a good deal of my attention, from the analogy which I could not but recognize between his system and our own. There was far less resemblance, it is true, than the world chose to imagine, inasmuch as the two theories differed, as widely as the zenith from the nadir, in their main principles.
Being alone a lot during my recovery, I read endlessly in Mr. Emerson's Essays, "The Dial," Carlyle's works, George Sand's novels (which Zenobia lent me), and other books that various friends had brought along. While they didn’t agree on much else, most of these writings felt like the voice of a lonely sentry on the front lines of human progress; sometimes, they came sadly from the ruins of the past but still had a hopeful resonance for the future. They were well-suited (better, at least, than any other intellectual creations, which had previously influenced the printed page) for seekers like us, whose current camp was much deeper into the chaos than any previous crusader army had ever ventured. Fourier's works, too, in a series of incredibly tedious volumes, caught a lot of my attention, because I couldn’t help but see the parallels between his ideas and ours. It's true, there was far less similarity than the world wanted to believe, as the two theories diverged as much as the zenith from the nadir in their core principles.
I talked about Fourier to Hollingsworth, and translated, for his benefit, some of the passages that chiefly impressed me.
I discussed Fourier with Hollingsworth and translated some of the passages that impacted me the most for his benefit.
"When, as a consequence of human improvement," said I, "the globe shall arrive at its final perfection, the great ocean is to be converted into a particular kind of lemonade, such as was fashionable at Paris in Fourier's time. He calls it limonade a cedre. It is positively a fact! Just imagine the city docks filled, every day, with a flood tide of this delectable beverage!"
"When human progress leads to the planet reaching its ultimate perfection," I said, "the vast ocean will turn into a special kind of lemonade, similar to what was popular in Paris during Fourier's time. He calls it limonade a cedre. It’s absolutely true! Just picture the city docks overflowing every day with this delightful drink!"
"Why did not the Frenchman make punch of it at once?" asked Hollingsworth. "The jack-tars would be delighted to go down in ships and do business in such an element."
"Why didn’t the Frenchman just go for it right away?" Hollingsworth asked. "The sailors would be thrilled to head out on ships and do business in conditions like that."
I further proceeded to explain, as well as I modestly could, several points of Fourier's system, illustrating them with here and there a page or two, and asking Hollingsworth's opinion as to the expediency of introducing these beautiful peculiarities into our own practice.
I went on to explain, as best as I could, a few aspects of Fourier's system, using a page or two as examples, and asking Hollingsworth for his thoughts on whether we should incorporate these impressive features into our own practice.
"Let me hear no more of it!" cried he, in utter disgust. "I never will forgive this fellow! He has committed the unpardonable sin; for what more monstrous iniquity could the Devil himself contrive than to choose the selfish principle,—the principle of all human wrong, the very blackness of man's heart, the portion of ourselves which we shudder at, and which it is the whole aim of spiritual discipline to eradicate,—to choose it as the master workman of his system? To seize upon and foster whatever vile, petty, sordid, filthy, bestial, and abominable corruptions have cankered into our nature, to be the efficient instruments of his infernal regeneration! And his consummated Paradise, as he pictures it, would be worthy of the agency which he counts upon for establishing it. The nauseous villain!"
"Let me hear no more about it!" he shouted, completely disgusted. "I will never forgive this guy! He has committed the unforgivable sin; what could be more twisted than choosing the selfish principle—the root of all human wrong, the darkest part of our hearts, the part of ourselves we dread, and which spiritual growth aims to eliminate—choosing it as the main driving force of his system? To latch on to and nurture all the vile, petty, sordid, filthy, bestial, and disgusting corruptions that have infested our nature, using them as the tools for his hellish revival! And his so-called Paradise, as he imagines it, would truly reflect the kind of agent he relies on to create it. What a nauseating villain!"
"Nevertheless," remarked I, "in consideration of the promised delights of his system,—so very proper, as they certainly are, to be appreciated by Fourier's countrymen,—I cannot but wonder that universal France did not adopt his theory at a moment's warning. But is there not something very characteristic of his nation in Fourier's manner of putting forth his views? He makes no claim to inspiration. He has not persuaded himself—as Swedenborg did, and as any other than a Frenchman would, with a mission of like importance to communicate—that he speaks with authority from above. He promulgates his system, so far as I can perceive, entirely on his own responsibility. He has searched out and discovered the whole counsel of the Almighty in respect to mankind, past, present, and for exactly seventy thousand years to come, by the mere force and cunning of his individual intellect!"
"Still," I said, "considering the promised benefits of his system—so fitting, as they undoubtedly are, for Fourier's fellow countrymen to appreciate—I can't help but wonder why all of France didn't adopt his theory at a moment's notice. But isn't there something very typical of his nation in the way Fourier presents his ideas? He makes no claims of inspiration. He hasn't convinced himself—like Swedenborg did, and like anyone other than a Frenchman would, when communicating a mission of such importance—that he speaks with authority from above. He puts forward his system, as far as I can see, completely on his own authority. He has figured out and uncovered the entire plan of the Almighty regarding humanity, past, present, and for exactly seventy thousand years to come, purely through the strength and cleverness of his own intellect!"
"Take the book out of my sight," said Hollingsworth with great virulence of expression, "or, I tell you fairly, I shall fling it in the fire! And as for Fourier, let him make a Paradise, if he can, of Gehenna, where, as I conscientiously believe, he is floundering at this moment!"
"Get that book away from me," Hollingsworth said angrily, "or I swear I'll throw it in the fire! And as for Fourier, let him try to turn Hell into Heaven if he can, because I truly believe that's where he is struggling right now!"
"And bellowing, I suppose," said I,—not that I felt any ill-will towards Fourier, but merely wanted to give the finishing touch to Hollingsworth's image, "bellowing for the least drop of his beloved limonade a cedre!"
"And yelling, I guess," I said—not that I felt any resentment towards Fourier, but I just wanted to add the final touch to Hollingsworth's image, "yelling for the slightest drop of his beloved limonade a cedre!"
There is but little profit to be expected in attempting to argue with a man who allows himself to declaim in this manner; so I dropt the subject, and never took it up again.
There’s almost no benefit in trying to argue with someone who talks like that, so I dropped the topic and never brought it up again.
But had the system at which he was so enraged combined almost any amount of human wisdom, spiritual insight, and imaginative beauty, I question whether Hollingsworth's mind was in a fit condition to receive it. I began to discern that he had come among us actuated by no real sympathy with our feelings and our hopes, but chiefly because we were estranging ourselves from the world, with which his lonely and exclusive object in life had already put him at odds. Hollingsworth must have been originally endowed with a great spirit of benevolence, deep enough and warm enough to be the source of as much disinterested good as Providence often allows a human being the privilege of conferring upon his fellows. This native instinct yet lived within him. I myself had profited by it, in my necessity. It was seen, too, in his treatment of Priscilla. Such casual circumstances as were here involved would quicken his divine power of sympathy, and make him seem, while their influence lasted, the tenderest man and the truest friend on earth. But by and by you missed the tenderness of yesterday, and grew drearily conscious that Hollingsworth had a closer friend than ever you could be; and this friend was the cold, spectral monster which he had himself conjured up, and on which he was wasting all the warmth of his heart, and of which, at last,—as these men of a mighty purpose so invariably do,—he had grown to be the bond-slave. It was his philanthropic theory.
But if the system that he was so angry about had included any real human wisdom, spiritual insight, or creative beauty, I wonder if Hollingsworth's mind was even capable of accepting it. I started to realize that he joined us not out of true empathy for our feelings and hopes, but mainly because we were distancing ourselves from the world, which he had already clashed with due to his solitary and exclusive life purpose. Hollingsworth must have originally had a great spirit of kindness, deep and warm enough to allow him to offer as much selfless good as fate often permits a person to give to others. This natural instinct still existed within him. I had benefited from it in my time of need. It was also evident in how he treated Priscilla. The simple situations that occurred here would ignite his divine ability to empathize, making him appear, while those moments lasted, like the kindest person and truest friend on earth. But eventually, you would notice the absence of the tenderness from the day before and become painfully aware that Hollingsworth had a closer friend than you'd ever be; that friend was the cold, ghostly monster he had created himself, to which he was giving all the warmth of his heart, and of which, in the end—like many fiercely determined individuals do—he had become a mere servant. It was his philanthropic theory.
This was a result exceedingly sad to contemplate, considering that it had been mainly brought about by the very ardor and exuberance of his philanthropy. Sad, indeed, but by no means unusual: he had taught his benevolence to pour its warm tide exclusively through one channel; so that there was nothing to spare for other great manifestations of love to man, nor scarcely for the nutriment of individual attachments, unless they could minister in some way to the terrible egotism which he mistook for an angel of God. Had Hollingsworth's education been more enlarged, he might not so inevitably have stumbled into this pitfall. But this identical pursuit had educated him. He knew absolutely nothing, except in a single direction, where he had thought so energetically, and felt to such a depth, that no doubt the entire reason and justice of the universe appeared to be concentrated thitherward.
This was an incredibly sad outcome to consider, especially since it had largely come about because of his intense passion and enthusiasm for philanthropy. Sad, yes, but not uncommon: he had trained his generosity to focus its warm energy solely on one path; as a result, there was little left for other significant expressions of love for humanity, and hardly anything for nurturing personal relationships, unless they somehow fed into the terrible self-centeredness he misinterpreted as a divine calling. If Hollingsworth's education had been broader, he might not have so inevitably fallen into this trap. But this very pursuit had shaped his education. He knew basically nothing outside of one narrow field, where he thought so deeply and felt so strongly that, without a doubt, he believed the entire reason and fairness of the universe was centered there.
It is my private opinion that, at this period of his life, Hollingsworth was fast going mad; and, as with other crazy people (among whom I include humorists of every degree), it required all the constancy of friendship to restrain his associates from pronouncing him an intolerable bore. Such prolonged fiddling upon one string—such multiform presentation of one idea! His specific object (of which he made the public more than sufficiently aware, through the medium of lectures and pamphlets) was to obtain funds for the construction of an edifice, with a sort of collegiate endowment. On this foundation he purposed to devote himself and a few disciples to the reform and mental culture of our criminal brethren. His visionary edifice was Hollingsworth's one castle in the air; it was the material type in which his philanthropic dream strove to embody itself; and he made the scheme more definite, and caught hold of it the more strongly, and kept his clutch the more pertinaciously, by rendering it visible to the bodily eye. I have seen him, a hundred times, with a pencil and sheet of paper, sketching the facade, the side-view, or the rear of the structure, or planning the internal arrangements, as lovingly as another man might plan those of the projected home where he meant to be happy with his wife and children. I have known him to begin a model of the building with little stones, gathered at the brookside, whither we had gone to cool ourselves in the sultry noon of haying-time. Unlike all other ghosts, his spirit haunted an edifice, which, instead of being time-worn, and full of storied love, and joy, and sorrow, had never yet come into existence.
It’s my personal opinion that, at this stage of his life, Hollingsworth was losing his mind; and like other irrational people (including humorists of all types), it took a lot of friendship to keep his friends from calling him a total bore. His constant obsession with one topic—his endless variations on the same idea! His specific goal (which he made the public aware of through lectures and pamphlets) was to raise money for building a place with a sort of college endowment. He planned to dedicate himself and a few followers to reforming and educating our incarcerated counterparts. This imagined building was Hollingsworth's one dream; it represented the material form of his philanthropic vision, and he solidified the idea by making it something people could see. I’ve seen him countless times, with a pencil and paper, sketching the front, side, or back of the building, or planning its interior layout as affectionately as someone else might plan the home where he wanted to be happy with his wife and kids. I’ve watched him start a model of the building with small stones he gathered by the creek, where we went to cool off during the hot haying season. Unlike any other ghost, his spirit was tied to a structure that, instead of being old and filled with stories of love, joy, and sorrow, had never actually existed.
"Dear friend," said I once to Hollingsworth, before leaving my sick-chamber, "I heartily wish that I could make your schemes my schemes, because it would be so great a happiness to find myself treading the same path with you. But I am afraid there is not stuff in me stern enough for a philanthropist,—or not in this peculiar direction,—or, at all events, not solely in this. Can you bear with me, if such should prove to be the case?"
"Dear friend," I said to Hollingsworth one time before leaving my sickroom, "I really wish I could align my goals with yours because it would bring me so much joy to walk the same path as you. But I'm afraid I don't have the strength to be a philanthropist, at least not in this specific way—or maybe not entirely in this. Can you be patient with me if that turns out to be true?"
"I will at least wait awhile," answered Hollingsworth, gazing at me sternly and gloomily. "But how can you be my life-long friend, except you strive with me towards the great object of my life?"
"I'll wait for a bit," Hollingsworth said, looking at me seriously and sadly. "But how can you be my lifelong friend if you don't work with me towards the main goal of my life?"
Heaven forgive me! A horrible suspicion crept into my heart, and stung the very core of it as with the fangs of an adder. I wondered whether it were possible that Hollingsworth could have watched by my bedside, with all that devoted care, only for the ulterior purpose of making me a proselyte to his views!
Heaven forgive me! A terrible suspicion crept into my heart and pierced it like the fangs of a snake. I wondered if it was possible that Hollingsworth could have watched over me at my bedside, with all that devoted care, just to convert me to his beliefs!
VIII. A MODERN ARCADIA
May-day—I forget whether by Zenobia's sole decree, or by the unanimous vote of our community—had been declared a movable festival. It was deferred until the sun should have had a reasonable time to clear away the snowdrifts along the lee of the stone walls, and bring out a few of the readiest wild flowers. On the forenoon of the substituted day, after admitting some of the balmy air into my chamber, I decided that it was nonsense and effeminacy to keep myself a prisoner any longer. So I descended to the sitting-room, and finding nobody there, proceeded to the barn, whence I had already heard Zenobia's voice, and along with it a girlish laugh which was not so certainly recognizable. Arriving at the spot, it a little surprised me to discover that these merry outbreaks came from Priscilla.
May Day—I can't remember if it was Zenobia's idea or if our whole community agreed—had been declared a movable festival. We postponed it until the sun had a chance to melt the snowdrifts against the stone walls and bring out some of the first wildflowers. On the morning of the new date, after letting some of the fresh air into my room, I decided it was silly and weak to keep myself cooped up any longer. So I went down to the living room, and finding no one there, I headed to the barn, where I had already heard Zenobia's voice, along with a girlish laugh that was harder to place. When I got there, I was a bit surprised to find that those cheerful sounds were coming from Priscilla.
The two had been a-maying together. They had found anemones in abundance, houstonias by the handful, some columbines, a few long-stalked violets, and a quantity of white everlasting flowers, and had filled up their basket with the delicate spray of shrubs and trees. None were prettier than the maple twigs, the leaf of which looks like a scarlet bud in May, and like a plate of vegetable gold in October. Zenobia, who showed no conscience in such matters, had also rifled a cherry-tree of one of its blossomed boughs, and, with all this variety of sylvan ornament, had been decking out Priscilla. Being done with a good deal of taste, it made her look more charming than I should have thought possible, with my recollection of the wan, frost-nipt girl, as heretofore described. Nevertheless, among those fragrant blossoms, and conspicuously, too, had been stuck a weed of evil odor and ugly aspect, which, as soon as I detected it, destroyed the effect of all the rest. There was a gleam of latent mischief—not to call it deviltry—in Zenobia's eye, which seemed to indicate a slightly malicious purpose in the arrangement.
The two had been out enjoying May together. They found plenty of anemones, a bunch of houstonias, some columbines, a few long-stemmed violets, and a bunch of white everlasting flowers, and filled their basket with the delicate sprigs of shrubs and trees. None were prettier than the maple twigs, whose leaves look like scarlet buds in May and like plates of golden leaves in October. Zenobia, who had no qualms about these things, had also taken a blossomed branch from a cherry tree, and with all this variety of forest decorations, she had been adorning Priscilla. Done with quite a bit of style, it made her look more charming than I would have thought possible, considering my memory of the pale, frost-bitten girl described earlier. However, among those fragrant blossoms, there was also a weed with a bad smell and an ugly appearance, which ruined the effect of everything else as soon as I saw it. There was a glimmer of hidden mischief—not to say devilry—in Zenobia's eye, which suggested a slightly malicious intention in the arrangement.
As for herself, she scorned the rural buds and leaflets, and wore nothing but her invariable flower of the tropics.
As for her, she looked down on the rural buds and leaves, and wore nothing but her usual tropical flower.
"What do you think of Priscilla now, Mr. Coverdale?" asked she, surveying her as a child does its doll. "Is not she worth a verse or two?"
"What do you think of Priscilla now, Mr. Coverdale?" she asked, looking at her like a child examines a doll. "Isn’t she worth a line or two?"
"There is only one thing amiss," answered I. Zenobia laughed, and flung the malignant weed away.
"There’s just one thing wrong," I replied. Zenobia laughed and tossed the nasty weed aside.
"Yes; she deserves some verses now," said I, "and from a better poet than myself. She is the very picture of the New England spring; subdued in tint and rather cool, but with a capacity of sunshine, and bringing us a few Alpine blossoms, as earnest of something richer, though hardly more beautiful, hereafter. The best type of her is one of those anemones."
"Yeah, she deserves some poems now," I said, "and from a better poet than me. She’s the perfect representation of a New England spring; soft in color and a bit cool, but capable of sunshine, and bringing us a few Alpine flowers as a hint of something richer, though not necessarily more beautiful, in the future. The best example of her is one of those anemones."
"What I find most singular in Priscilla, as her health improves," observed Zenobia, "is her wildness. Such a quiet little body as she seemed, one would not have expected that. Why, as we strolled the woods together, I could hardly keep her from scrambling up the trees, like a squirrel. She has never before known what it is to live in the free air, and so it intoxicates her as if she were sipping wine. And she thinks it such a paradise here, and all of us, particularly Mr. Hollingsworth and myself, such angels! It is quite ridiculous, and provokes one's malice almost, to see a creature so happy, especially a feminine creature."
"What I find most surprising about Priscilla, as her health gets better," Zenobia remarked, "is her wildness. She seemed like such a quiet little thing, you wouldn't expect that. When we walked through the woods together, I could hardly stop her from climbing the trees like a squirrel. She's never really experienced living in the open air before, and it excites her as if she’s drinking wine. She thinks it’s such a paradise here, and all of us, especially Mr. Hollingsworth and me, are like angels! It’s quite ridiculous, and it almost provokes a sense of spite to see someone so happy, especially a woman."
"They are always happier than male creatures," said I.
"They're always happier than guys," I said.
"You must correct that opinion, Mr. Coverdale," replied Zenobia contemptuously, "or I shall think you lack the poetic insight. Did you ever see a happy woman in your life? Of course, I do not mean a girl, like Priscilla and a thousand others,—for they are all alike, while on the sunny side of experience,—but a grown woman. How can she be happy, after discovering that fate has assigned her but one single event, which she must contrive to make the substance of her whole life? A man has his choice of innumerable events."
"You need to rethink that opinion, Mr. Coverdale," Zenobia said disdainfully. "Otherwise, I'll assume you lack poetic insight. Have you ever seen a truly happy woman? Of course, I’m not talking about a girl, like Priscilla and so many others—because they’re all the same on the bright side of experience—but a grown woman. How can she be happy after realizing that fate has given her just one event to make the focus of her entire life? A man has countless events to choose from."
"A woman, I suppose," answered I, "by constant repetition of her one event, may compensate for the lack of variety."
"A woman, I guess," I replied, "might make up for the lack of variety by constantly repeating her one event."
"Indeed!" said Zenobia.
"Definitely!" said Zenobia.
While we were talking, Priscilla caught sight of Hollingsworth at a distance, in a blue frock, and with a hoe over his shoulder, returning from the field. She immediately set out to meet him, running and skipping, with spirits as light as the breeze of the May morning, but with limbs too little exercised to be quite responsive; she clapped her hands, too, with great exuberance of gesture, as is the custom of young girls when their electricity overcharges them. But, all at once, midway to Hollingsworth, she paused, looked round about her, towards the river, the road, the woods, and back towards us, appearing to listen, as if she heard some one calling her name, and knew not precisely in what direction.
While we were chatting, Priscilla spotted Hollingsworth in the distance, dressed in a blue shirt and carrying a hoe over his shoulder as he came back from the field. She immediately dashed off to meet him, running and skipping, her spirits as light as the May morning breeze, but her limbs weren't quite used to all the movement; she also clapped her hands with lively gestures, just like young girls do when they're overly excited. However, suddenly, halfway to Hollingsworth, she stopped, looked around at the river, the road, the woods, and back at us, seeming to listen, as if she heard someone calling her name but wasn't quite sure where it was coming from.
"Have you bewitched her?" I exclaimed.
"Did you put a spell on her?" I exclaimed.
"It is no sorcery of mine," said Zenobia; "but I have seen the girl do that identical thing once or twice before. Can you imagine what is the matter with her?"
"It’s not magic on my part," Zenobia said. "But I’ve seen the girl do that exact thing a couple of times before. Can you believe what’s going on with her?"
"No; unless," said I, "she has the gift of hearing those 'airy tongues that syllable men's names,' which Milton tells about."
"No; unless," I said, "she can hear those 'airy tongues that spell out people's names,' like Milton says."
From whatever cause, Priscilla's animation seemed entirely to have deserted her. She seated herself on a rock, and remained there until Hollingsworth came up; and when he took her hand and led her back to us, she rather resembled my original image of the wan and spiritless Priscilla than the flowery May-queen of a few moments ago. These sudden transformations, only to be accounted for by an extreme nervous susceptibility, always continued to characterize the girl, though with diminished frequency as her health progressively grew more robust.
For some reason, Priscilla's energy seemed to have completely left her. She sat down on a rock and stayed there until Hollingsworth arrived; when he took her hand and brought her back to us, she looked more like my initial image of the pale and lifeless Priscilla than the vibrant May-queen from just moments before. These sudden changes, which could only be explained by her intense nervous sensitivity, continued to define the girl, although they happened less often as her health steadily improved.
I was now on my legs again. My fit of illness had been an avenue between two existences; the low-arched and darksome doorway, through which I crept out of a life of old conventionalisms, on my hands and knees, as it were, and gained admittance into the freer region that lay beyond. In this respect, it was like death. And, as with death, too, it was good to have gone through it. No otherwise could I have rid myself of a thousand follies, fripperies, prejudices, habits, and other such worldly dust as inevitably settles upon the crowd along the broad highway, giving them all one sordid aspect before noon-time, however freshly they may have begun their pilgrimage in the dewy morning. The very substance upon my bones had not been fit to live with in any better, truer, or more energetic mode than that to which I was accustomed. So it was taken off me and flung aside, like any other worn-out or unseasonable garment; and, after shivering a little while in my skeleton, I began to be clothed anew, and much more satisfactorily than in my previous suit. In literal and physical truth, I was quite another man. I had a lively sense of the exultation with which the spirit will enter on the next stage of its eternal progress after leaving the heavy burden of its mortality in an early grave, with as little concern for what may become of it as now affected me for the flesh which I had lost.
I was back on my feet again. My illness had acted as a passage between two lives; a low and dark doorway that I crawled through, leaving behind the old conventions, and stepped into the freer world beyond. In this way, it felt like death. And, like death, I was grateful to have gone through it. I couldn't have gotten rid of a thousand foolishnesses, superficialities, biases, habits, and all the worldly clutter that inevitably clings to people traveling along the mainstream, giving them a dull appearance by midday, no matter how freshly they may have started their journey in the cool morning. The very essence of what I was living with wasn’t suitable for a better, more authentic, or vibrant life than the one I was used to. So, it was stripped away and discarded like any other old or out-of-season piece of clothing; and after a brief shiver in my bare self, I began to be clothed again, and in a much more satisfying way than I had before. In both a literal and physical sense, I had become a completely different person. I felt a vivid sense of the joy with which the spirit moves on to the next stage of its eternal journey after leaving the heavy weight of mortality behind, caring as little for what happens next as I did for the body I had shed.
Emerging into the genial sunshine, I half fancied that the labors of the brotherhood had already realized some of Fourier's predictions. Their enlightened culture of the soil, and the virtues with which they sanctified their life, had begun to produce an effect upon the material world and its climate. In my new enthusiasm, man looked strong and stately,—and woman, oh, how beautiful!—and the earth a green garden, blossoming with many-colored delights. Thus Nature, whose laws I had broken in various artificial ways, comported herself towards me as a strict but loving mother, who uses the rod upon her little boy for his naughtiness, and then gives him a smile, a kiss, and some pretty playthings to console the urchin for her severity.
Stepping out into the warm sunshine, I almost believed that the efforts of the community had already made some of Fourier’s predictions come true. Their thoughtful approach to farming and the values they infused into their lives were starting to make a difference in the physical world and its climate. In my newfound excitement, man seemed strong and noble— and woman, oh, how beautiful!—and the earth was like a vibrant garden filled with colorful wonders. So, Nature, whose rules I had previously bent in various artificial ways, treated me like a strict but loving mother, who scolds her little boy for mischief, then smiles, kisses him, and gives him some nice toys to make up for her harshness.
In the interval of my seclusion, there had been a number of recruits to our little army of saints and martyrs. They were mostly individuals who had gone through such an experience as to disgust them with ordinary pursuits, but who were not yet so old, nor had suffered so deeply, as to lose their faith in the better time to come. On comparing their minds one with another they often discovered that this idea of a Community had been growing up, in silent and unknown sympathy, for years. Thoughtful, strongly lined faces were among them; sombre brows, but eyes that did not require spectacles, unless prematurely dimmed by the student's lamplight, and hair that seldom showed a thread of silver. Age, wedded to the past, incrusted over with a stony layer of habits, and retaining nothing fluid in its possibilities, would have been absurdly out of place in an enterprise like this. Youth, too, in its early dawn, was hardly more adapted to our purpose; for it would behold the morning radiance of its own spirit beaming over the very same spots of withered grass and barren sand whence most of us had seen it vanish. We had very young people with us, it is true,—downy lads, rosy girls in their first teens, and children of all heights above one's knee; but these had chiefly been sent hither for education, which it was one of the objects and methods of our institution to supply. Then we had boarders, from town and elsewhere, who lived with us in a familiar way, sympathized more or less in our theories, and sometimes shared in our labors.
During my time of solitude, we had welcomed several new members into our small community of saints and martyrs. Most of them were people who had experienced enough to become disillusioned with normal life, but they were not so old or wounded that they had lost hope for a brighter future. When they compared their thoughts, they often realized that the concept of a Community had been quietly developing among them for years. Among them were thoughtful, defined faces; serious expressions, yet eyes that didn’t need glasses unless they had been prematurely dimmed by study, and hair that rarely showed signs of gray. Age, stuck in the past, burdened by old habits, and lacking any fluid potential, would have felt out of place in a project like this. Likewise, youthful exuberance, in its early stages, was hardly suited for our aims; it would see the bright light of its own spirit shining over the very spots of dried grass and barren sand where most of us had watched it fade away. We did have young people with us—teenage boys and girls, and children of all sizes—but they were primarily here for education, which was one of the goals and methods of our institution. We also had boarders from the town and other areas who lived with us in a relaxed manner, shared some of our beliefs, and occasionally participated in our work.
On the whole, it was a society such as has seldom met together; nor, perhaps, could it reasonably be expected to hold together long. Persons of marked individuality—crooked sticks, as some of us might be called—are not exactly the easiest to bind up into a fagot. But, so long as our union should subsist, a man of intellect and feeling, with a free nature in him, might have sought far and near without finding so many points of attraction as would allure him hitherward. We were of all creeds and opinions, and generally tolerant of all, on every imaginable subject. Our bond, it seems to me, was not affirmative, but negative. We had individually found one thing or another to quarrel with in our past life, and were pretty well agreed as to the inexpediency of lumbering along with the old system any further. As to what should be substituted, there was much less unanimity. We did not greatly care—at least, I never did—for the written constitution under which our millennium had commenced. My hope was, that, between theory and practice, a true and available mode of life might be struck out; and that, even should we ultimately fail, the months or years spent in the trial would not have been wasted, either as regarded passing enjoyment, or the experience which makes men wise.
Overall, it was a unique society that had rarely come together, and it probably couldn't be expected to last long. People with strong individualities—what some might call “crooked sticks”—aren't the easiest to group together. But as long as our union lasted, a person with intellect and feelings, with a free spirit, might have searched far and wide without finding so many reasons to be drawn here. We had all kinds of beliefs and opinions, and we were generally accepting of everything, on every conceivable topic. Our bond seemed less about shared beliefs and more about what we were against. Individually, we had found things in our past lives to argue about, and we mostly agreed that continuing with the old system was not a good idea. When it came to what should replace it, there was a lot less agreement. Personally, I never cared much for the written constitution that marked the beginning of our new era. My hope was that between theory and practice, we could discover a true and workable way of living. Even if we ultimately failed, I believed the time spent trying wouldn't be wasted, whether in terms of enjoyment or the wisdom gained from the experience.
Arcadians though we were, our costume bore no resemblance to the beribboned doublets, silk breeches and stockings, and slippers fastened with artificial roses, that distinguish the pastoral people of poetry and the stage. In outward show, I humbly conceive, we looked rather like a gang of beggars, or banditti, than either a company of honest laboring-men, or a conclave of philosophers. Whatever might be our points of difference, we all of us seemed to have come to Blithedale with the one thrifty and laudable idea of wearing out our old clothes. Such garments as had an airing, whenever we strode afield! Coats with high collars and with no collars, broad-skirted or swallow-tailed, and with the waist at every point between the hip and arm-pit; pantaloons of a dozen successive epochs, and greatly defaced at the knees by the humiliations of the wearer before his lady-love,—in short, we were a living epitome of defunct fashions, and the very raggedest presentment of men who had seen better days. It was gentility in tatters. Often retaining a scholarlike or clerical air, you might have taken us for the denizens of Grub Street, intent on getting a comfortable livelihood by agricultural labor; or Coleridge's projected Pantisocracy in full experiment; or Candide and his motley associates at work in their cabbage garden; or anything else that was miserably out at elbows, and most clumsily patched in the rear. We might have been sworn comrades to Falstaff's ragged regiment. Little skill as we boasted in other points of husbandry, every mother's son of us would have served admirably to stick up for a scarecrow. And the worst of the matter was, that the first energetic movement essential to one downright stroke of real labor was sure to put a finish to these poor habiliments. So we gradually flung them all aside, and took to honest homespun and linsey-woolsey, as preferable, on the whole, to the plan recommended, I think, by Virgil,—"Ara nudus; sere nudus, "—which as Silas Foster remarked, when I translated the maxim, would be apt to astonish the women-folks.
Even though we were Arcadians, our outfits looked nothing like the fancy doublets, silk pants, stockings, and slippers adorned with fake roses that represent the pastoral folks in poetry and theater. Honestly, we looked more like a group of beggars or bandits than a bunch of hardworking men or a gathering of philosophers. Regardless of our differences, it seemed like we all showed up at Blithedale with the same thrifty goal: to wear out our old clothes. We paraded around in whatever old garments we could find! Coats with high collars and no collars, broad skirts or swallow tails, varying waistlines from hip to armpit; pants from all kinds of past fashions, all tattered at the knees from the humiliation of trying to impress a love—basically, we were a living representation of outdated styles, a ragtag version of men who had seen better days. It was gentility in rags. Often exuding a scholarly or clerical vibe, you might have thought we were the inhabitants of Grub Street, trying to make a living through farming; or the experimental Pantisocracy that Coleridge envisioned; or Candide and his quirky friends working in a cabbage patch; or anything else that looked poorly patched and out of style. We could have been sworn comrades with Falstaff's ragged army. While we weren’t experts in farming skills, every one of us would have made a perfect scarecrow. The unfortunate truth was that any real effort to do actual labor would ruin our poor clothes. So we slowly ditched them all and opted for good, sturdy homespun and linsey-woolsey, which felt like a better choice overall than the plan suggested by Virgil—"Ara nudus; sere nudus,"—which, as Silas Foster pointed out when I translated it, would likely shock the women.
After a reasonable training, the yeoman life throve well with us. Our faces took the sunburn kindly; our chests gained in compass, and our shoulders in breadth and squareness; our great brown fists looked as if they had never been capable of kid gloves. The plough, the hoe, the scythe, and the hay-fork grew familiar to our grasp. The oxen responded to our voices. We could do almost as fair a day's work as Silas Foster himself, sleep dreamlessly after it, and awake at daybreak with only a little stiffness of the joints, which was usually quite gone by breakfast-time.
After some solid training, the yeoman life suited us well. Our faces took on sunburn easily; our chests expanded, and our shoulders became broader and squarer; our big brown fists looked like they’d never had the luxury of wearing kid gloves. The plow, the hoe, the scythe, and the hay fork felt like second nature to us. The oxen responded to our calls. We could do nearly as good a day's work as Silas Foster himself, sleep soundly afterward, and wake up at dawn with just a bit of stiffness in our joints, usually gone by breakfast.
To be sure, our next neighbors pretended to be incredulous as to our real proficiency in the business which we had taken in hand. They told slanderous fables about our inability to yoke our own oxen, or to drive them afield when yoked, or to release the poor brutes from their conjugal bond at nightfall. They had the face to say, too, that the cows laughed at our awkwardness at milking-time, and invariably kicked over the pails; partly in consequence of our putting the stool on the wrong side, and partly because, taking offence at the whisking of their tails, we were in the habit of holding these natural fly-flappers with one hand and milking with the other. They further averred that we hoed up whole acres of Indian corn and other crops, and drew the earth carefully about the weeds; and that we raised five hundred tufts of burdock, mistaking them for cabbages; and that by dint of unskilful planting few of our seeds ever came up at all, or, if they did come up, it was stern-foremost; and that we spent the better part of the month of June in reversing a field of beans, which had thrust themselves out of the ground in this unseemly way. They quoted it as nothing more than an ordinary occurrence for one or other of us to crop off two or three fingers, of a morning, by our clumsy use of the hay-cutter. Finally, and as an ultimate catastrophe, these mendacious rogues circulated a report that we communitarians were exterminated, to the last man, by severing ourselves asunder with the sweep of our own scythes! and that the world had lost nothing by this little accident.
To be honest, our neighbors pretended to be shocked by how skilled we really were at the tasks we took on. They spread nasty rumors about our inability to yoke our own oxen, drive them to the field once they were yoked, or even let the poor animals go free from their harnesses at nightfall. They boldly claimed that the cows laughed at us for being clumsy during milking time, and that they always kicked over the pails; partly because we set the stool on the wrong side, and partly because we thought it was a good idea to hold their tails out of the way with one hand while we milked with the other. They also insisted that we tilled whole acres of corn and other crops, carefully covering the weeds with soil, and that we ended up with five hundred patches of burdock, mistaking them for cabbages. They alleged that due to our poor planting skills, very few of our seeds germinated, and if they did, they came up upside down; they even claimed we spent most of June trying to fix a field of beans that had popped up in such a strange way. According to them, it was just an everyday thing for one of us to accidentally chop off two or three fingers each morning while using the hay-cutter. Lastly, to top it all off, these dishonest people spread a rumor that we communitarians had wiped ourselves out, one after another, by accidentally cutting ourselves in half with our own scythes! And they said the world hadn't missed a thing because of it.
But this was pure envy and malice on the part of the neighboring farmers. The peril of our new way of life was not lest we should fail in becoming practical agriculturists, but that we should probably cease to be anything else. While our enterprise lay all in theory, we had pleased ourselves with delectable visions of the spiritualization of labor. It was to be our form of prayer and ceremonial of worship. Each stroke of the hoe was to uncover some aromatic root of wisdom, heretofore hidden from the sun. Pausing in the field, to let the wind exhale the moisture from our foreheads, we were to look upward, and catch glimpses into the far-off soul of truth. In this point of view, matters did not turn out quite so well as we anticipated. It is very true that, sometimes, gazing casually around me, out of the midst of my toil, I used to discern a richer picturesqueness in the visible scene of earth and sky. There was, at such moments, a novelty, an unwonted aspect, on the face of Nature, as if she had been taken by surprise and seen at unawares, with no opportunity to put off her real look, and assume the mask with which she mysteriously hides herself from mortals. But this was all. The clods of earth, which we so constantly belabored and turned over and over, were never etherealized into thought. Our thoughts, on the contrary, were fast becoming cloddish. Our labor symbolized nothing, and left us mentally sluggish in the dusk of the evening. Intellectual activity is incompatible with any large amount of bodily exercise. The yeoman and the scholar—the yeoman and the man of finest moral culture, though not the man of sturdiest sense and integrity—are two distinct individuals, and can never be melted or welded into one substance.
But this was just pure jealousy and spite from the neighboring farmers. The real danger of our new lifestyle wasn't that we might fail as practical farmers, but that we might forget how to be anything else. While our project was all theoretical, we had indulged in beautiful dreams of making work a spiritual practice. It was meant to be our way of praying and worshiping. Every time we dug the soil, we were supposed to uncover some hidden wisdom, kept away from the light. Taking a break in the field to let the wind dry the sweat from our brows, we were meant to look up and catch glimpses of the deeper truth. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite turn out as we hoped. It’s true that occasionally, while taking a moment to glance around me amid my hard work, I noticed a richer beauty in the landscape around me. There were times when nature appeared fresh and surprising, as if she had been caught off guard, unable to hide her true self and put on her usual disguise. But that was about it. The clods of dirt that we repeatedly broke apart never turned into anything more meaningful. Instead, our thoughts were becoming sluggish. Our work didn’t symbolize anything and left us mentally drained as the evening fell. Intellectual engagement doesn’t mix well with heavy physical labor. The farmer and the scholar—the farmer and a person of deep moral character, even if not the most sensible or honest—are two separate people and can never truly blend into one.
Zenobia soon saw this truth, and gibed me about it, one evening, as Hollingsworth and I lay on the grass, after a hard day's work.
Zenobia soon recognized this truth and teased me about it one evening while Hollingsworth and I lounged on the grass after a long day's work.
"I am afraid you did not make a song today, while loading the hay-cart," said she, "as Burns did, when he was reaping barley."
"I’m afraid you didn’t sing today while loading the hay cart," she said, "like Burns did when he was harvesting barley."
"Burns never made a song in haying-time," I answered very positively. "He was no poet while a farmer, and no farmer while a poet."
"Burns never wrote a song during hay season," I replied firmly. "He wasn't a poet when he was farming, and he wasn't a farmer when he was a poet."
"And on the whole, which of the two characters do you like best?" asked Zenobia. "For I have an idea that you cannot combine them any better than Burns did. Ah, I see, in my mind's eye, what sort of an individual you are to be, two or three years hence. Grim Silas Foster is your prototype, with his palm of sole-leather, and his joints of rusty iron (which all through summer keep the stiffness of what he calls his winter's rheumatize), and his brain of—I don't know what his brain is made of, unless it be a Savoy cabbage; but yours may be cauliflower, as a rather more delicate variety. Your physical man will be transmuted into salt beef and fried pork, at the rate, I should imagine, of a pound and a half a day; that being about the average which we find necessary in the kitchen. You will make your toilet for the day (still like this delightful Silas Foster) by rinsing your fingers and the front part of your face in a little tin pan of water at the doorstep, and teasing your hair with a wooden pocket-comb before a seven-by-nine-inch looking-glass. Your only pastime will be to smoke some very vile tobacco in the black stump of a pipe."
"And overall, which of the two characters do you prefer?" Zenobia asked. "I have a feeling that you can’t really blend them any better than Burns did. Ah, I can picture in my mind what kind of person you’ll be two or three years from now. Grim Silas Foster is your model, with hands like leather, and joints that feel like rusty iron (which, even in summer, keep the stiffness from what he calls his winter’s rheumatism), and his brain of—I can’t quite tell what his brain is made of, unless it’s a Savoy cabbage; but yours might be similar to cauliflower, as a slightly more refined version. Your physical self will turn into salt beef and fried pork, probably at the rate of a pound and a half a day; that’s about the average amount we find necessary in the kitchen. You’ll get ready for the day (still like this charming Silas Foster) by washing your fingers and the front of your face in a little tin pan of water at the doorstep, and fixing your hair with a wooden pocket comb in front of a seven-by-nine-inch mirror. Your only hobby will be smoking some really terrible tobacco in the blackened stump of a pipe."
"Pray, spare me!" cried I. "But the pipe is not Silas's only mode of solacing himself with the weed."
"Please, give me a break!" I shouted. "But the pipe isn't Silas's only way of calming himself with the smoke."
"Your literature," continued Zenobia, apparently delighted with her description, "will be the 'Farmer's Almanac;' for I observe our friend Foster never gets so far as the newspaper. When you happen to sit down, at odd moments, you will fall asleep, and make nasal proclamation of the fact, as he does; and invariably you must be jogged out of a nap, after supper, by the future Mrs. Coverdale, and persuaded to go regularly to bed. And on Sundays, when you put on a blue coat with brass buttons, you will think of nothing else to do but to go and lounge over the stone walls and rail fences, and stare at the corn growing. And you will look with a knowing eye at oxen, and will have a tendency to clamber over into pigsties, and feel of the hogs, and give a guess how much they will weigh after you shall have stuck and dressed them. Already I have noticed you begin to speak through your nose, and with a drawl. Pray, if you really did make any poetry to-day, let us hear it in that kind of utterance!"
"Your writing," Zenobia said, obviously pleased with her description, "will be like the 'Farmer's Almanac;' because I see our friend Foster never even makes it to the newspaper. When you find yourself sitting down at random times, you'll doze off and snore, just like he does; and sooner or later, the future Mrs. Coverdale will have to nudge you awake after dinner and convince you to go to bed. And on Sundays, when you wear a blue coat with brass buttons, you won’t think of anything better to do than to hang out by the stone walls and rail fences, staring at the corn growing. You'll look knowingly at the oxen and feel the urge to climb into pigpens, touch the pigs, and guess how much they’ll weigh after you’ve butchered and processed them. I've already noticed you starting to speak through your nose and with a drawl. Come on, if you really did write any poetry today, let us hear it in that voice!"
"Coverdale has given up making verses now," said Hollingsworth, who never had the slightest appreciation of my poetry. "Just think of him penning a sonnet with a fist like that! There is at least this good in a life of toil, that it takes the nonsense and fancy-work out of a man, and leaves nothing but what truly belongs to him. If a farmer can make poetry at the plough-tail, it must be because his nature insists on it; and if that be the case, let him make it, in Heaven's name!"
"Coverdale has stopped writing poetry now," said Hollingsworth, who never had any appreciation for my poems. "Just imagine him trying to write a sonnet with a hand like that! At least one good thing about a life of hard work is that it strips away all the nonsense and fluff, leaving only what’s genuinely part of a person. If a farmer can create poetry while working the fields, it must be because his true self demands it; and if that’s the case, then let him create it, for Heaven's sake!"
"And how is it with you?" asked Zenobia, in a different voice; for she never laughed at Hollingsworth, as she often did at me. "You, I think, cannot have ceased to live a life of thought and feeling."
"And how are you doing?" asked Zenobia, in a different tone; she never laughed at Hollingsworth like she often did at me. "You, I believe, must still be living a life full of thoughts and emotions."
"I have always been in earnest," answered Hollingsworth. "I have hammered thought out of iron, after heating the iron in my heart! It matters little what my outward toil may be. Were I a slave, at the bottom of a mine, I should keep the same purpose, the same faith in its ultimate accomplishment, that I do now. Miles Coverdale is not in earnest, either as a poet or a laborer."
"I've always been serious about this," Hollingsworth said. "I've forged ideas from iron, heating that iron in my heart! It doesn't matter what my external work might be. Even if I were a slave at the bottom of a mine, I'd hold on to the same goal and the same belief in its eventual achievement that I have now. Miles Coverdale isn't serious, whether as a poet or a worker."
"You give me hard measure, Hollingsworth," said I, a little hurt. "I have kept pace with you in the field; and my bones feel as if I had been in earnest, whatever may be the case with my brain!"
"You're being really tough on me, Hollingsworth," I said, feeling a bit hurt. "I've kept up with you in the field, and my body feels like I've been working hard, no matter what my mind says!"
"I cannot conceive," observed Zenobia with great emphasis,—and, no doubt, she spoke fairly the feeling of the moment,—"I cannot conceive of being so continually as Mr. Coverdale is within the sphere of a strong and noble nature, without being strengthened and ennobled by its influence!"
"I can’t understand," Zenobia said with great emphasis—and she likely captured the feeling of the moment—"I can’t understand how Mr. Coverdale can be constantly around such a strong and noble person without being uplifted and made better by their presence!"
This amiable remark of the fair Zenobia confirmed me in what I had already begun to suspect, that Hollingsworth, like many other illustrious prophets, reformers, and philanthropists, was likely to make at least two proselytes among the women to one among the men. Zenobia and Priscilla! These, I believe (unless my unworthy self might be reckoned for a third), were the only disciples of his mission; and I spent a great deal of time, uselessly, in trying to conjecture what Hollingsworth meant to do with them—and they with him!
This friendly comment from the lovely Zenobia reinforced what I had already started to suspect: that Hollingsworth, like many other well-known prophets, reformers, and philanthropists, was likely to gain at least two female followers for every one male. Zenobia and Priscilla! I believe (unless my unworthy self counts as a third) that these were the only followers of his mission. I wasted a lot of time trying to guess what Hollingsworth intended to do with them—and what they intended to do with him!
IX. HOLLINGSWORTH, ZENOBIA, PRISCILLA
It is not, I apprehend, a healthy kind of mental occupation to devote ourselves too exclusively to the study of individual men and women. If the person under examination be one's self, the result is pretty certain to be diseased action of the heart, almost before we can snatch a second glance. Or if we take the freedom to put a friend under our microscope, we thereby insulate him from many of his true relations, magnify his peculiarities, inevitably tear him into parts, and of course patch him very clumsily together again. What wonder, then, should we be frightened by the aspect of a monster, which, after all,—though we can point to every feature of his deformity in the real personage,—may be said to have been created mainly by ourselves.
I believe it's not a healthy way to think to focus too much on studying individual people. If we turn that focus inward and look at ourselves, the outcome is likely to be some kind of emotional turmoil almost immediately. Or if we decide to analyze a friend, we end up isolating them from their real connections, exaggerating their quirks, breaking them down into parts, and then trying to put them back together in a very awkward way. So, it’s no surprise that we’re startled by the image of a monster, which, despite being able to identify every flaw in the real person, is largely something we've created ourselves.
Thus, as my conscience has often whispered me, I did Hollingsworth a great wrong by prying into his character; and am perhaps doing him as great a one, at this moment, by putting faith in the discoveries which I seemed to make. But I could not help it. Had I loved him less, I might have used him better. He and Zenobia and Priscilla—both for their own sakes and as connected with him—were separated from the rest of the Community, to my imagination, and stood forth as the indices of a problem which it was my business to solve. Other associates had a portion of my time; other matters amused me; passing occurrences carried me along with them, while they lasted. But here was the vortex of my meditations, around which they revolved, and whitherward they too continually tended. In the midst of cheerful society, I had often a feeling of loneliness. For it was impossible not to be sensible that, while these three characters figured so largely on my private theatre, I—though probably reckoned as a friend by all—was at best but a secondary or tertiary personage with either of them.
So, as my conscience has often reminded me, I did Hollingsworth a great wrong by digging into his character; and I might be doing him just as much harm right now by believing the insights I thought I discovered. But I couldn't help it. If I had loved him less, I might have treated him better. He, Zenobia, and Priscilla—both for their own sake and in relation to him—felt separate from the rest of the Community in my mind, representing a puzzle I needed to solve. Other friends took up some of my time; other things entertained me; passing events carried me along for a while. But this was the center of my thoughts, around which they revolved and where they always seemed to drift. Even in a lively social setting, I often felt lonely. Because it was clear that, while these three characters played such a significant role in my life, I—though likely seen as a friend by each of them—was at best just a secondary or even tertiary figure in their lives.
I loved Hollingsworth, as has already been enough expressed. But it impressed me, more and more, that there was a stern and dreadful peculiarity in this man, such as could not prove otherwise than pernicious to the happiness of those who should be drawn into too intimate a connection with him. He was not altogether human. There was something else in Hollingsworth besides flesh and blood, and sympathies and affections and celestial spirit.
I loved Hollingsworth, as I've already made clear. However, it increasingly struck me that there was a harsh and alarming quality to this man that could only harm the happiness of anyone who became too closely connected with him. He wasn't completely human. There was something beyond just flesh and blood, as well as emotions and feelings, in Hollingsworth.
This is always true of those men who have surrendered themselves to an overruling purpose. It does not so much impel them from without, nor even operate as a motive power within, but grows incorporate with all that they think and feel, and finally converts them into little else save that one principle. When such begins to be the predicament, it is not cowardice, but wisdom, to avoid these victims. They have no heart, no sympathy, no reason, no conscience. They will keep no friend, unless he make himself the mirror of their purpose; they will smite and slay you, and trample your dead corpse under foot, all the more readily, if you take the first step with them, and cannot take the second, and the third, and every other step of their terribly strait path. They have an idol to which they consecrate themselves high-priest, and deem it holy work to offer sacrifices of whatever is most precious; and never once seem to suspect—so cunning has the Devil been with them—that this false deity, in whose iron features, immitigable to all the rest of mankind, they see only benignity and love, is but a spectrum of the very priest himself, projected upon the surrounding darkness. And the higher and purer the original object, and the more unselfishly it may have been taken up, the slighter is the probability that they can be led to recognize the process by which godlike benevolence has been debased into all-devouring egotism.
This is always true for those who have submitted themselves to a greater purpose. It doesn't just push them from the outside, nor even act as a motivating force within; it becomes integrated with everything they think and feel, ultimately turning them into little more than that one principle. When this happens, it's not cowardice but wisdom to avoid these individuals. They lack heart, sympathy, reason, and conscience. They won't keep a friend unless he mirrors their purpose; they will strike and destroy you, trampling your lifeless body underfoot, especially if you take the first step with them but can't follow through on the second, third, and every subsequent step of their narrow path. They have an idol to which they dedicate themselves as high priests, believing it is a holy duty to sacrifice whatever is most precious to them; and they never seem to realize—so crafty has the Devil been with them—that this false deity, with its harsh features cruel to all of humanity, appears to them only as kindness and love, a reflection of the very priest himself, projected onto the surrounding darkness. The higher and purer the original object, and the more selflessly it may have been embraced, the less likely they are to recognize the process by which godlike kindness has been twisted into all-consuming egotism.
Of course I am perfectly aware that the above statement is exaggerated, in the attempt to make it adequate. Professed philanthropists have gone far; but no originally good man, I presume, ever went quite so far as this. Let the reader abate whatever he deems fit. The paragraph may remain, however, both for its truth and its exaggeration, as strongly expressive of the tendencies which were really operative in Hollingsworth, and as exemplifying the kind of error into which my mode of observation was calculated to lead me. The issue was, that in solitude I often shuddered at my friend. In my recollection of his dark and impressive countenance, the features grew more sternly prominent than the reality, duskier in their depth and shadow, and more lurid in their light; the frown, that had merely flitted across his brow, seemed to have contorted it with an adamantine wrinkle. On meeting him again, I was often filled with remorse, when his deep eyes beamed kindly upon me, as with the glow of a household fire that was burning in a cave. "He is a man after all," thought I; "his Maker's own truest image, a philanthropic man!—not that steel engine of the Devil's contrivance, a philanthropist!" But in my wood-walks, and in my silent chamber, the dark face frowned at me again.
Of course, I know that the statement above is exaggerated in an effort to make it more fitting. Self-proclaimed philanthropists have gone far, but I doubt any truly good person has ever gone as far as this. Readers can adjust it as they see fit. The paragraph can stay, however, for both its truth and its exaggeration, as it strongly expresses the tendencies that were genuinely at play in Hollingsworth and illustrates the kind of error my way of observing could lead me to. The result was that in my solitude, I often found myself unsettled by my friend. When I recalled his dark and striking face, his features appeared more harshly defined than reality, deeper in their shadows, and more unnerving in their light; the frown that had only briefly crossed his brow seemed to have etched an unyielding wrinkle into it. When I met him again, I often felt a pang of guilt as his deep eyes warmly looked at me, like the glow of a fire in a cave. "He is a man after all," I thought; "the truest image of his Creator, a philanthropic man!—not that cold machine of the Devil's making, a philanthropist!" But in my walks through the woods and in my quiet room, that dark face frowned at me once more.
When a young girl comes within the sphere of such a man, she is as perilously situated as the maiden whom, in the old classical myths, the people used to expose to a dragon. If I had any duty whatever, in reference to Hollingsworth, it was to endeavor to save Priscilla from that kind of personal worship which her sex is generally prone to lavish upon saints and heroes. It often requires but one smile out of the hero's eyes into the girl's or woman's heart, to transform this devotion, from a sentiment of the highest approval and confidence, into passionate love. Now, Hollingsworth smiled much upon Priscilla,—more than upon any other person. If she thought him beautiful, it was no wonder. I often thought him so, with the expression of tender human care and gentlest sympathy which she alone seemed to have power to call out upon his features. Zenobia, I suspect, would have given her eyes, bright as they were, for such a look; it was the least that our poor Priscilla could do, to give her heart for a great many of them. There was the more danger of this, inasmuch as the footing on which we all associated at Blithedale was widely different from that of conventional society. While inclining us to the soft affections of the golden age, it seemed to authorize any individual, of either sex, to fall in love with any other, regardless of what would elsewhere be judged suitable and prudent. Accordingly the tender passion was very rife among us, in various degrees of mildness or virulence, but mostly passing away with the state of things that had given it origin. This was all well enough; but, for a girl like Priscilla and a woman like Zenobia to jostle one another in their love of a man like Hollingsworth, was likely to be no child's play.
When a young girl gets close to a man like that, she's in as much danger as the maiden in old myths who was offered up to a dragon. If I had any duty regarding Hollingsworth, it was to try to protect Priscilla from that kind of blind admiration that women often shower on saints and heroes. It usually takes just one smile from the hero to turn a girl’s or woman’s admiration from pure respect into passionate love. Hollingsworth smiled a lot at Priscilla—more than anyone else. If she thought he was handsome, it’s no surprise. I often saw that in him too, especially in the tender care and gentle sympathy that only she seemed to bring out in him. Zenobia, I suspect, would have given her bright eyes for that kind of look; it was the least Priscilla could do to give her heart for many of them. This was especially dangerous since our relationships at Blithedale were very different from those in conventional society. While it encouraged us to embrace the soft feelings of a golden age, it allowed anyone, regardless of gender, to fall in love with anyone else, ignoring what would normally be considered appropriate or wise. As a result, romantic feelings were common among us, varying in intensity, but mostly fading with the situation that sparked them. This was fine, but for a girl like Priscilla and a woman like Zenobia to compete for the affection of a man like Hollingsworth was bound to be complicated.
Had I been as cold-hearted as I sometimes thought myself, nothing would have interested me more than to witness the play of passions that must thus have been evolved. But, in honest truth, I would really have gone far to save Priscilla, at least, from the catastrophe in which such a drama would be apt to terminate.
Had I been as heartless as I sometimes believed I was, nothing would have intrigued me more than to see the display of emotions that must have unfolded. But, to be completely honest, I would have truly gone to great lengths to save Priscilla, at least, from the disaster that such a drama would likely end in.
Priscilla had now grown to be a very pretty girl, and still kept budding and blossoming, and daily putting on some new charm, which you no sooner became sensible of than you thought it worth all that she had previously possessed. So unformed, vague, and without substance, as she had come to us, it seemed as if we could see Nature shaping out a woman before our very eyes, and yet had only a more reverential sense of the mystery of a woman's soul and frame. Yesterday, her cheek was pale, to-day, it had a bloom. Priscilla's smile, like a baby's first one, was a wondrous novelty. Her imperfections and shortcomings affected me with a kind of playful pathos, which was as absolutely bewitching a sensation as ever I experienced. After she had been a month or two at Blithedale, her animal spirits waxed high, and kept her pretty constantly in a state of bubble and ferment, impelling her to far more bodily activity than she had yet strength to endure. She was very fond of playing with the other girls out of doors. There is hardly another sight in the world so pretty as that of a company of young girls, almost women grown, at play, and so giving themselves up to their airy impulse that their tiptoes barely touch the ground.
Priscilla had grown into a beautiful girl, continuously developing and adding new charms daily, which you noticed just as they seemed to surpass everything she had before. Arriving to us so unformed and undefined, it felt like we were witnessing Nature shape a woman right before our eyes, deepening our respect for the mystery of a woman’s soul and body. Yesterday, her cheek was pale, but today, it radiated with color. Priscilla's smile, like a baby’s first grin, was a delightful surprise. Her imperfections and shortcomings gave me a playful sadness that was as enchanting a feeling as I’d ever known. After she had spent a month or two at Blithedale, her spirits soared high, keeping her in a constant state of excitement and restlessness, pushing her to more physical activity than she could handle. She loved playing outdoors with the other girls. There’s hardly anything more beautiful in the world than a group of young girls, just on the verge of womanhood, at play, lost in their carefree joy, barely touching the ground on their tiptoes.
Girls are incomparably wilder and more effervescent than boys, more untamable and regardless of rule and limit, with an ever-shifting variety, breaking continually into new modes of fun, yet with a harmonious propriety through all. Their steps, their voices, appear free as the wind, but keep consonance with a strain of music inaudible to us. Young men and boys, on the other hand, play, according to recognized law, old, traditionary games, permitting no caprioles of fancy, but with scope enough for the outbreak of savage instincts. For, young or old, in play or in earnest, man is prone to be a brute.
Girls are far wilder and more vibrant than boys, more untamed and unbound by rules, constantly shifting into new ways of having fun, yet still maintaining a sense of propriety. Their movements and voices feel as free as the wind, but they resonate with a melody that we can't hear. In contrast, young men and boys tend to stick to traditional games, following established rules that don't allow for flights of fancy, though there's still room for their wild instincts to come out. Because, whether young or old, playing or being serious, men tend to act like brutes.
Especially is it delightful to see a vigorous young girl run a race, with her head thrown back, her limbs moving more friskily than they need, and an air between that of a bird and a young colt. But Priscilla's peculiar charm, in a foot-race, was the weakness and irregularity with which she ran. Growing up without exercise, except to her poor little fingers, she had never yet acquired the perfect use of her legs. Setting buoyantly forth, therefore, as if no rival less swift than Atalanta could compete with her, she ran falteringly, and often tumbled on the grass. Such an incident—though it seems too slight to think of—was a thing to laugh at, but which brought the water into one's eyes, and lingered in the memory after far greater joys and sorrows were wept out of it, as antiquated trash. Priscilla's life, as I beheld it, was full of trifles that affected me in just this way.
It's especially delightful to watch a lively young girl run a race, her head held high, her limbs moving more energetically than necessary, resembling a bird and a young colt simultaneously. However, Priscilla's unique charm in a footrace came from the awkwardness and inconsistency of her running. Growing up without much physical activity, except for her little fingers, she had never really learned to use her legs properly. So, taking off with enthusiasm as if no rival less swift than Atalanta could keep up, she ran hesitantly and often stumbled onto the grass. Such moments—though they might seem trivial—were amusing yet brought tears to one's eyes, sticking in the memory long after bigger joys and sorrows faded away like old nonsense. Priscilla's life, as I saw it, was filled with small moments that impacted me in just this way.
When she had come to be quite at home among us, I used to fancy that Priscilla played more pranks, and perpetrated more mischief, than any other girl in the Community. For example, I once heard Silas Foster, in a very gruff voice, threatening to rivet three horseshoes round Priscilla's neck and chain her to a post, because she, with some other young people, had clambered upon a load of hay, and caused it to slide off the cart. How she made her peace I never knew; but very soon afterwards I saw old Silas, with his brawny hands round Priscilla's waist, swinging her to and fro, and finally depositing her on one of the oxen, to take her first lessons in riding. She met with terrible mishaps in her efforts to milk a cow; she let the poultry into the garden; she generally spoilt whatever part of the dinner she took in charge; she broke crockery; she dropt our biggest water pitcher into the well; and—except with her needle, and those little wooden instruments for purse-making—was as unserviceable a member of society as any young lady in the land. There was no other sort of efficiency about her. Yet everybody was kind to Priscilla; everybody loved her and laughed at her to her face, and did not laugh behind her back; everybody would have given her half of his last crust, or the bigger share of his plum-cake. These were pretty certain indications that we were all conscious of a pleasant weakness in the girl, and considered her not quite able to look after her own interests or fight her battle with the world. And Hollingsworth—perhaps because he had been the means of introducing Priscilla to her new abode—appeared to recognize her as his own especial charge.
When Priscilla settled in with us, I used to think that she played more pranks and caused more trouble than any other girl in the Community. For instance, I once heard Silas Foster, in a gruff tone, threatening to fasten three horseshoes around Priscilla's neck and chain her to a post because she, along with some other kids, had climbed onto a load of hay, causing it to slide off the cart. I never found out how she made up for it, but soon after, I saw old Silas with his strong hands around Priscilla's waist, swinging her back and forth before finally putting her on one of the oxen to teach her how to ride. She had some pretty rough moments trying to milk a cow; she let the chickens into the garden; she usually ruined whatever part of dinner she was responsible for; she broke dishes; she dropped our biggest water pitcher into the well; and—except when it came to her sewing and those little wooden tools for making purses—she was about as useless a member of society as any young lady could be. There was no other kind of competence to her. Yet everyone was kind to Priscilla; everyone loved her and teased her good-naturedly to her face, not behind her back; everyone would have shared half of their last piece of bread or the bigger slice of their plum cake with her. These were pretty clear signs that we all recognized a charming weakness in her and thought she wasn’t quite able to look after herself or handle her struggles in the world. And Hollingsworth—maybe because he had introduced Priscilla to her new home—seemed to see her as his own special responsibility.
Her simple, careless, childish flow of spirits often made me sad. She seemed to me like a butterfly at play in a flickering bit of sunshine, and mistaking it for a broad and eternal summer. We sometimes hold mirth to a stricter accountability than sorrow; it must show good cause, or the echo of its laughter comes back drearily. Priscilla's gayety, moreover, was of a nature that showed me how delicate an instrument she was, and what fragile harp-strings were her nerves. As they made sweet music at the airiest touch, it would require but a stronger one to burst them all asunder. Absurd as it might be, I tried to reason with her, and persuade her not to be so joyous, thinking that, if she would draw less lavishly upon her fund of happiness, it would last the longer. I remember doing so, one summer evening, when we tired laborers sat looking on, like Goldsmith's old folks under the village thorn-tree, while the young people were at their sports.
Her carefree, childlike enthusiasm often made me feel sad. She reminded me of a butterfly playing in a patch of sunlight, mistaking it for a never-ending summer. Sometimes we hold joy to a higher standard than sadness; it has to have a valid reason, or the echo of its laughter comes back feeling empty. Priscilla’s happiness, too, revealed how sensitive she was and how fragile her emotions were. They would create beautiful music with the lightest touch, but an intense one could break them all apart. As silly as it might seem, I tried to talk her out of being so happy, thinking that if she didn’t spend her happiness so freely, it would last longer. I remember doing this one summer evening when we tired workers sat watching, like Goldsmith's old folks under the village thorn-tree, while the young people played.
"What is the use or sense of being so very gay?" I said to Priscilla, while she was taking breath, after a great frolic. "I love to see a sufficient cause for everything, and I can see none for this. Pray tell me, now, what kind of a world you imagine this to be, which you are so merry in."
"What’s the point of being so cheerful?" I asked Priscilla while she was catching her breath after a wild time. "I like to see a good reason behind everything, and I don’t see one for this. Please, tell me, what kind of world do you think this is that makes you so happy?"
"I never think about it at all," answered Priscilla, laughing. "But this I am sure of, that it is a world where everybody is kind to me, and where I love everybody. My heart keeps dancing within me, and all the foolish things which you see me do are only the motions of my heart. How can I be dismal, if my heart will not let me?"
"I never think about it at all," Priscilla replied with a laugh. "But I know for sure that it's a world where everyone is kind to me, and where I love everyone. My heart keeps dancing inside me, and all the silly things you see me do are just the movements of my heart. How can I feel down if my heart won't let me?"
"Have you nothing dismal to remember?" I suggested. "If not, then, indeed, you are very fortunate!"
"Don't you have anything sad to think about?" I said. "If not, then you really are very lucky!"
"Ah!" said Priscilla slowly.
"Ah!" Priscilla said slowly.
And then came that unintelligible gesture, when she seemed to be listening to a distant voice.
And then she made that confusing gesture, as if she were listening to a far-off voice.
"For my part," I continued, beneficently seeking to overshadow her with my own sombre humor, "my past life has been a tiresome one enough; yet I would rather look backward ten times than forward once. For, little as we know of our life to come, we may be very sure, for one thing, that the good we aim at will not be attained. People never do get just the good they seek. If it come at all, it is something else, which they never dreamed of, and did not particularly want. Then, again, we may rest certain that our friends of to-day will not be our friends of a few years hence; but, if we keep one of them, it will be at the expense of the others; and most probably we shall keep none. To be sure, there are more to be had; but who cares about making a new set of friends, even should they be better than those around us?"
"For my part," I continued, trying to lighten the mood with my own dark humor, "my past has been pretty tiresome; still, I’d rather look back a hundred times than look forward even once. Because, as little as we know about what’s coming in our lives, we can be sure of one thing: we won't get the good we’re hoping for. People never really get the good they seek. If it comes at all, it’s something unexpected that they never imagined and didn’t particularly want. Also, we can be certain that the friends we have today won’t necessarily be the friends we have a few years down the line; if we do hold onto one, it will be at the cost of the others, and most likely, we won’t keep any at all. Sure, there are more friends to be made, but who really wants to go out and make a whole new group of friends, even if they might be better than the ones we already have?"
"Not I!" said Priscilla. "I will live and die with these!"
"Not me!" said Priscilla. "I will live and die with these!"
"Well; but let the future go," resumed I. "As for the present moment, if we could look into the hearts where we wish to be most valued, what should you expect to see? One's own likeness, in the innermost, holiest niche? Ah! I don't know! It may not be there at all. It may be a dusty image, thrust aside into a corner, and by and by to be flung out of doors, where any foot may trample upon it. If not to-day, then to-morrow! And so, Priscilla, I do not see much wisdom in being so very merry in this kind of a world."
"Well, let the future go," I said. "As for the present moment, if we could look into the hearts of those we want to be valued by, what do you think we’d see? Our own reflection, in the deepest, most sacred place? Ah! I don’t know! It might not be there at all. It could be a dusty image, pushed into a corner, and eventually tossed out, where anyone could step on it. If not today, then tomorrow! So, Priscilla, I don’t think there’s much wisdom in being so cheerful in a world like this."
It had taken me nearly seven years of worldly life to hive up the bitter honey which I here offered to Priscilla. And she rejected it!
It took me almost seven years of living in the real world to gather the bitter experiences I now present to Priscilla. And she turned it down!
"I don't believe one word of what you say!" she replied, laughing anew. "You made me sad, for a minute, by talking about the past; but the past never comes back again. Do we dream the same dream twice? There is nothing else that I am afraid of."
"I don't believe a word you say!" she replied, laughing again. "You made me a little sad by talking about the past, but the past never comes back. Do we ever dream the same dream twice? There's nothing else I'm afraid of."
So away she ran, and fell down on the green grass, as it was often her luck to do, but got up again, without any harm.
So she ran off, fell on the green grass, which was something that happened to her often, but she got back up without any problem.
"Priscilla, Priscilla!" cried Hollingsworth, who was sitting on the doorstep; "you had better not run any more to-night. You will weary yourself too much. And do not sit down out of doors, for there is a heavy dew beginning to fall."
"Priscilla, Priscilla!" shouted Hollingsworth, sitting on the doorstep. "You shouldn't run anymore tonight. You'll wear yourself out. And don't sit outside, because there's a heavy dew starting to fall."
At his first word, she went and sat down under the porch, at Hollingsworth's feet, entirely contented and happy. What charm was there in his rude massiveness that so attracted and soothed this shadow-like girl? It appeared to me, who have always been curious in such matters, that Priscilla's vague and seemingly causeless flow of felicitous feeling was that with which love blesses inexperienced hearts, before they begin to suspect what is going on within them. It transports them to the seventh heaven; and if you ask what brought them thither, they neither can tell nor care to learn, but cherish an ecstatic faith that there they shall abide forever.
At his first word, she went and sat down under the porch, at Hollingsworth's feet, completely content and happy. What charm was there in his rough strength that so attracted and comforted this ghost-like girl? To me, who have always been curious about such things, it seemed that Priscilla's vague and seemingly random flow of happy feelings was what love gives to inexperienced hearts before they start to realize what's happening inside them. It lifts them to a blissful state; and if you ask what got them there, they can’t explain and don’t really care to know, but hold on to a joyful belief that they will stay there forever.
Zenobia was in the doorway, not far from Hollingsworth. She gazed at Priscilla in a very singular way. Indeed, it was a sight worth gazing at, and a beautiful sight, too, as the fair girl sat at the feet of that dark, powerful figure. Her air, while perfectly modest, delicate, and virgin-like, denoted her as swayed by Hollingsworth, attracted to him, and unconsciously seeking to rest upon his strength. I could not turn away my own eyes, but hoped that nobody, save Zenobia and myself, was witnessing this picture. It is before me now, with the evening twilight a little deepened by the dusk of memory.
Zenobia stood in the doorway, not far from Hollingsworth. She looked at Priscilla in a very unique way. It was indeed a sight worth seeing, and a beautiful one too, as the lovely girl sat at the feet of that dark, strong figure. Her demeanor, while perfectly modest, delicate, and innocent, showed that she was drawn to Hollingsworth, attracted to him, and unconsciously seeking to lean on his strength. I couldn't take my eyes away, but I hoped that nobody, except Zenobia and me, was witnessing this moment. It’s still vivid in my mind now, with the evening twilight deepened by the shadows of memory.
"Come hither, Priscilla," said Zenobia. "I have something to say to you."
"Come here, Priscilla," said Zenobia. "I have something to tell you."
She spoke in little more than a whisper. But it is strange how expressive of moods a whisper may often be. Priscilla felt at once that something had gone wrong.
She spoke in little more than a whisper. But it's odd how expressive a whisper can be of various moods. Priscilla immediately sensed that something was wrong.
"Are you angry with me?" she asked, rising slowly, and standing before Zenobia in a drooping attitude. "What have I done? I hope you are not angry!"
"Are you mad at me?" she asked, slowly getting up and standing in front of Zenobia with a slumped posture. "What did I do? I really hope you're not mad!"
"No, no, Priscilla!" said Hollingsworth, smiling. "I will answer for it, she is not. You are the one little person in the world with whom nobody can be angry!"
"No, no, Priscilla!" said Hollingsworth, smiling. "I promise, she isn't. You're the one person in the world that nobody can stay mad at!"
"Angry with you, child? What a silly idea!" exclaimed Zenobia, laughing. "No, indeed! But, my dear Priscilla, you are getting to be so very pretty that you absolutely need a duenna; and, as I am older than you, and have had my own little experience of life, and think myself exceedingly sage, I intend to fill the place of a maiden aunt. Every day, I shall give you a lecture, a quarter of an hour in length, on the morals, manners, and proprieties of social life. When our pastoral shall be quite played out, Priscilla, my worldly wisdom may stand you in good stead."
"Upset with you, dear? What a ridiculous thought!" Zenobia exclaimed, laughing. "Not at all! But, my dear Priscilla, you are becoming so beautiful that you really need a chaperone; and since I’m older than you, have a bit of life experience, and consider myself quite wise, I plan to take on the role of a maiden aunt. Every day, I'll give you a lecture, lasting about fifteen minutes, on the morals, manners, and appropriate behavior of social life. When our pastoral days are behind us, Priscilla, my worldly wisdom may be very useful to you."
"I am afraid you are angry with me!" repeated Priscilla sadly; for, while she seemed as impressible as wax, the girl often showed a persistency in her own ideas as stubborn as it was gentle.
"I’m afraid you’re mad at me!" Priscilla repeated sadly; because, even though she seemed as impressionable as wax, the girl often showed a stubbornness in her own ideas that was gentle yet unyielding.
"Dear me, what can I say to the child!" cried Zenobia in a tone of humorous vexation. "Well, well; since you insist on my being angry, come to my room this moment, and let me beat you!"
"Goodness, what can I say to the kid!" Zenobia exclaimed with a playful frustration. "Alright, since you want me to be mad, come to my room right now, and let me give you a spanking!"
Zenobia bade Hollingsworth good-night very sweetly, and nodded to me with a smile. But, just as she turned aside with Priscilla into the dimness of the porch, I caught another glance at her countenance. It would have made the fortune of a tragic actress, could she have borrowed it for the moment when she fumbles in her bosom for the concealed dagger, or the exceedingly sharp bodkin, or mingles the ratsbane in her lover's bowl of wine or her rival's cup of tea. Not that I in the least anticipated any such catastrophe,—it being a remarkable truth that custom has in no one point a greater sway than over our modes of wreaking our wild passions. And besides, had we been in Italy, instead of New England, it was hardly yet a crisis for the dagger or the bowl.
Zenobia said goodnight to Hollingsworth in a very sweet way and smiled at me as she nodded. But just as she turned to go with Priscilla into the dimness of the porch, I caught another glimpse of her face. It could have made a tragic actress famous if she had borrowed it for the moment when she fumbles for a hidden dagger, or a sharp pin, or mixes poison into her lover's wine or her rival's tea. Not that I expected any such disaster—it's a well-known fact that custom has the greatest influence over how we express our wild emotions. And besides, if we had been in Italy instead of New England, it hardly seemed like the right moment for a dagger or a poisoned drink.
It often amazed me, however, that Hollingsworth should show himself so recklessly tender towards Priscilla, and never once seem to think of the effect which it might have upon her heart. But the man, as I have endeavored to explain, was thrown completely off his moral balance, and quite bewildered as to his personal relations, by his great excrescence of a philanthropic scheme. I used to see, or fancy, indications that he was not altogether obtuse to Zenobia's influence as a woman. No doubt, however, he had a still more exquisite enjoyment of Priscilla's silent sympathy with his purposes, so unalloyed with criticism, and therefore more grateful than any intellectual approbation, which always involves a possible reserve of latent censure. A man—poet, prophet, or whatever he may be—readily persuades himself of his right to all the worship that is voluntarily tendered. In requital of so rich benefits as he was to confer upon mankind, it would have been hard to deny Hollingsworth the simple solace of a young girl's heart, which he held in his hand, and smelled too, like a rosebud. But what if, while pressing out its fragrance, he should crush the tender rosebud in his grasp!
It often amazed me that Hollingsworth could be so recklessly affectionate towards Priscilla, without considering how it might affect her feelings. But the man, as I’ve tried to explain, was completely thrown off his moral balance and quite confused about his personal relationships because of his overwhelming philanthropic scheme. I used to notice—or imagine—signs that he was not entirely oblivious to Zenobia's influence as a woman. No doubt he also derived a more profound enjoyment from Priscilla's silent support of his goals, which was untainted by criticism and therefore more appreciated than any intellectual approval that always has a potential hint of hidden disapproval. A man—be he a poet, prophet, or whatever—easily convinces himself that he deserves all the admiration that is willingly given. In return for the great benefits he was about to offer humanity, it would have been hard to deny Hollingsworth the simple comfort of a young girl's heart, which he held in his hand and even smelled, like a rosebud. But what if, while trying to enjoy its fragrance, he crushed the delicate rosebud in his grip?
As for Zenobia, I saw no occasion to give myself any trouble. With her native strength, and her experience of the world, she could not be supposed to need any help of mine. Nevertheless, I was really generous enough to feel some little interest likewise for Zenobia. With all her faults (which might have been a great many besides the abundance that I knew of), she possessed noble traits, and a heart which must, at least, have been valuable while new. And she seemed ready to fling it away as uncalculatingly as Priscilla herself. I could not but suspect that, if merely at play with Hollingsworth, she was sporting with a power which she did not fully estimate. Or if in earnest, it might chance, between Zenobia's passionate force and his dark, self-delusive egotism, to turn out such earnest as would develop itself in some sufficiently tragic catastrophe, though the dagger and the bowl should go for nothing in it.
As for Zenobia, I didn’t see any reason to worry about her. With her natural strength and life experience, she clearly didn’t need my help. Still, I was generous enough to feel some interest for Zenobia. Despite all her flaws (which were probably many more than I even knew), she had noble qualities and a heart that must have been valuable at one time. She seemed ready to throw it away just as recklessly as Priscilla. I couldn’t help but think that, whether she was just playing with Hollingsworth or being serious, she might be engaging with a power she didn't fully understand. If she was serious, the combination of Zenobia's passionate intensity and his dark, self-deceptive ego could lead to something truly tragic, even if the dagger and the bowl weren’t involved at all.
Meantime, the gossip of the Community set them down as a pair of lovers. They took walks together, and were not seldom encountered in the wood-paths: Hollingsworth deeply discoursing, in tones solemn and sternly pathetic; Zenobia, with a rich glow on her cheeks, and her eyes softened from their ordinary brightness, looked so beautiful, that had her companion been ten times a philanthropist, it seemed impossible but that one glance should melt him back into a man. Oftener than anywhere else, they went to a certain point on the slope of a pasture, commanding nearly the whole of our own domain, besides a view of the river, and an airy prospect of many distant hills. The bond of our Community was such, that the members had the privilege of building cottages for their own residence within our precincts, thus laying a hearthstone and fencing in a home private and peculiar to all desirable extent, while yet the inhabitants should continue to share the advantages of an associated life. It was inferred that Hollingsworth and Zenobia intended to rear their dwelling on this favorite spot.
In the meantime, the gossip in the Community labeled them as a couple. They took walks together and were often seen on the woodland paths: Hollingsworth speaking intensely, in a tone that was both serious and dramatically emotional; Zenobia, with a warm blush on her cheeks, and her eyes softened from their usual brightness, looked so beautiful that even if her companion had been a staunch philanthropist, it seemed likely that just one glance would turn him back into a regular guy. More than anywhere else, they often went to a certain spot on the slope of a pasture, which offered a view of almost the entire Community, along with a glimpse of the river and a clear sight of many distant hills. The bond within our Community was such that members had the right to build cottages for their own homes within our area, allowing them to create a private and unique space while still enjoying the benefits of communal living. It was assumed that Hollingsworth and Zenobia planned to build their home in this favored location.
I mentioned those rumors to Hollingsworth in a playful way.
I brought up those rumors to Hollingsworth in a light-hearted manner.
"Had you consulted me," I went on to observe, "I should have recommended a site farther to the left, just a little withdrawn into the wood, with two or three peeps at the prospect among the trees. You will be in the shady vale of years long before you can raise any better kind of shade around your cottage, if you build it on this bare slope."
"Had you asked me," I continued, "I would have suggested a spot a bit to the left, slightly tucked into the woods, with a few glimpses of the view through the trees. You'll find yourself in the dappled shade of old age long before you can create a better type of shade around your cottage if you build it on this bare slope."
"But I offer my edifice as a spectacle to the world," said Hollingsworth, "that it may take example and build many another like it. Therefore, I mean to set it on the open hillside."
"But I present my building as a showpiece for the world," said Hollingsworth, "so that others can learn from it and create many more like it. That's why I plan to place it on the open hillside."
Twist these words how I might, they offered no very satisfactory import. It seemed hardly probable that Hollingsworth should care about educating the public taste in the department of cottage architecture, desirable as such improvement certainly was.
No matter how I twist these words, they don't really mean much. It seemed unlikely that Hollingsworth genuinely cared about educating the public’s taste in cottage architecture, even though that kind of improvement was definitely needed.
X. A VISITOR FROM TOWN
Hollingsworth and I—we had been hoeing potatoes, that forenoon, while the rest of the fraternity were engaged in a distant quarter of the farm—sat under a clump of maples, eating our eleven o'clock lunch, when we saw a stranger approaching along the edge of the field. He had admitted himself from the roadside through a turnstile, and seemed to have a purpose of speaking with us.
Hollingsworth and I—we had been digging up potatoes that morning while the rest of the group was occupied in another part of the farm—sat under a group of maple trees, having our eleven o'clock lunch, when we noticed a stranger walking along the edge of the field. He had come in from the roadside through a turnstile and appeared to have a reason for wanting to talk to us.
And, by the bye, we were favored with many visits at Blithedale, especially from people who sympathized with our theories, and perhaps held themselves ready to unite in our actual experiment as soon as there should appear a reliable promise of its success. It was rather ludicrous, indeed (to me, at least, whose enthusiasm had insensibly been exhaled together with the perspiration of many a hard day's toil), it was absolutely funny, therefore, to observe what a glory was shed about our life and labors, in the imaginations of these longing proselytes. In their view, we were as poetical as Arcadians, besides being as practical as the hardest-fisted husbandmen in Massachusetts. We did not, it is true, spend much time in piping to our sheep, or warbling our innocent loves to the sisterhood. But they gave us credit for imbuing the ordinary rustic occupations with a kind of religious poetry, insomuch that our very cow-yards and pig-sties were as delightfully fragrant as a flower garden. Nothing used to please me more than to see one of these lay enthusiasts snatch up a hoe, as they were very prone to do, and set to work with a vigor that perhaps carried him through about a dozen ill-directed strokes. Men are wonderfully soon satisfied, in this day of shameful bodily enervation, when, from one end of life to the other, such multitudes never taste the sweet weariness that follows accustomed toil. I seldom saw the new enthusiasm that did not grow as flimsy and flaccid as the proselyte's moistened shirt-collar, with a quarter of an hour's active labor under a July sun.
And, by the way, we got quite a few visitors at Blithedale, especially from people who connected with our ideas and were ready to join our actual experiment as soon as there was a solid promise of its success. It was actually kind of ridiculous, at least for me, whose enthusiasm had slowly faded along with the sweat from many hard days of work; it was totally funny to see how glorious our life and work appeared in the imaginations of these eager new followers. In their eyes, we were as poetic as the Arcadians, while also being as practical as the toughest farmers in Massachusetts. It's true we didn’t spend much time serenading sheep or singing about our innocent loves to the women. But they believed we infused ordinary farming tasks with a kind of sacred poetry, to the point that our cow pastures and pig pens smelled as delightful as a flower garden. Nothing made me happier than seeing one of these enthusiastic newcomers grab a hoe, which they often did, and start working with a energy that maybe lasted for about a dozen poorly aimed strokes. People become remarkably content, in this age of unfortunate physical weakness, when, from beginning to end, so many never experience the sweet fatigue that comes from regular hard work. I rarely saw the new enthusiasm that didn’t become as flimsy and limp as a proselyte's wet shirt collar after just fifteen minutes of active labor under a July sun.
But the person now at hand had not at all the air of one of these amiable visionaries. He was an elderly man, dressed rather shabbily, yet decently enough, in a gray frock-coat, faded towards a brown hue, and wore a broad-brimmed white hat, of the fashion of several years gone by. His hair was perfect silver, without a dark thread in the whole of it; his nose, though it had a scarlet tip, by no means indicated the jollity of which a red nose is the generally admitted symbol. He was a subdued, undemonstrative old man, who would doubtless drink a glass of liquor, now and then, and probably more than was good for him,—not, however, with a purpose of undue exhilaration, but in the hope of bringing his spirits up to the ordinary level of the world's cheerfulness. Drawing nearer, there was a shy look about him, as if he were ashamed of his poverty, or, at any rate, for some reason or other, would rather have us glance at him sidelong than take a full front view. He had a queer appearance of hiding himself behind the patch on his left eye.
But the person in front of us didn’t have the vibe of one of those friendly dreamers. He was an older man, dressed a bit scruffily, but still appropriately, in a gray coat that had faded to a brownish color, and he wore a wide-brimmed white hat that was a style from a few years back. His hair was pure silver, without a single dark strand in it; his nose, although it had a red tip, didn’t really show the cheerfulness that a red nose usually symbolizes. He was a quiet, reserved old man who would likely have a drink occasionally, and probably more than was good for him—not for the sake of getting overly cheerful, but in hopes of lifting his mood to match the usual happiness of the world. As he drew closer, there was a shy quality to him, as if he felt embarrassed about his situation, or for some reason would prefer us to look at him sideways rather than head-on. He had a strange look, as if he were trying to hide behind the patch over his left eye.
"I know this old gentleman," said I to Hollingsworth, as we sat observing him; "that is, I have met him a hundred times in town, and have often amused my fancy with wondering what he was before he came to be what he is. He haunts restaurants and such places, and has an odd way of lurking in corners or getting behind a door whenever practicable, and holding out his hand with some little article in it which he wishes you to buy. The eye of the world seems to trouble him, although he necessarily lives so much in it. I never expected to see him in an open field."
"I know that old guy," I said to Hollingsworth as we watched him. "I mean, I've run into him a hundred times around town and have often entertained myself wondering what he was like before he became who he is now. He hangs out in restaurants and similar places, and he has this strange habit of lurking in corners or sneaking behind doors whenever he can, holding out his hand with some little item he wants you to buy. It seems like the attention of the world bothers him, even though he has to live in it so much. I never thought I'd see him in an open field."
"Have you learned anything of his history?" asked Hollingsworth.
"Have you learned anything about his background?" asked Hollingsworth.
"Not a circumstance," I answered; "but there must be something curious in it. I take him to be a harmless sort of a person, and a tolerably honest one; but his manners, being so furtive, remind me of those of a rat,—a rat without the mischief, the fierce eye, the teeth to bite with, or the desire to bite. See, now! He means to skulk along that fringe of bushes, and approach us on the other side of our clump of maples."
"Not a chance," I replied; "but there has to be something unusual about it. I think he's a pretty harmless guy and fairly honest; but his sneaky behavior makes me think of a rat—one that doesn't have the mischief, the fierce look, the teeth to bite, or the urge to bite. Look! He's planning to sneak along that line of bushes and approach us from the other side of our group of maples."
We soon heard the old man's velvet tread on the grass, indicating that he had arrived within a few feet of where we Sat.
We soon heard the old man's soft footsteps on the grass, signaling that he was just a few feet away from where we sat.
"Good-morning, Mr. Moodie," said Hollingsworth, addressing the stranger as an acquaintance; "you must have had a hot and tiresome walk from the city. Sit down, and take a morsel of our bread and cheese."
"Good morning, Mr. Moodie," Hollingsworth said, greeting the stranger like an acquaintance. "You must have had a long and exhausting walk from the city. Have a seat and enjoy some of our bread and cheese."
The visitor made a grateful little murmur of acquiescence, and sat down in a spot somewhat removed; so that, glancing round, I could see his gray pantaloons and dusty shoes, while his upper part was mostly hidden behind the shrubbery. Nor did he come forth from this retirement during the whole of the interview that followed. We handed him such food as we had, together with a brown jug of molasses and water (would that it had been brandy, or some thing better, for the sake of his chill old heart!), like priests offering dainty sacrifice to an enshrined and invisible idol. I have no idea that he really lacked sustenance; but it was quite touching, nevertheless, to hear him nibbling away at our crusts.
The visitor quietly murmured his thanks and sat down in a spot a little way off; I could see his gray pants and dusty shoes while most of him was obscured by the bushes. He didn't come out of this hiding place at all during the entire conversation that followed. We offered him whatever food we had, along with a brown jug of molasses and water (I wish it had been brandy or something better for the sake of his cold old heart!), like priests making a special offering to an unseen deity. I don't think he actually needed food, but it was still quite moving to watch him nibble on our scraps.
"Mr. Moodie," said I, "do you remember selling me one of those very pretty little silk purses, of which you seem to have a monopoly in the market? I keep it to this day, I can assure you."
"Mr. Moodie," I said, "do you remember selling me one of those really lovely silk purses that you seem to have a monopoly on in the market? I still have it to this day, I promise you."
"Ah, thank you," said our guest. "Yes, Mr. Coverdale, I used to sell a good many of those little purses."
"Ah, thank you," said our guest. "Yes, Mr. Coverdale, I used to sell a lot of those little purses."
He spoke languidly, and only those few words, like a watch with an inelastic spring, that just ticks a moment or two and stops again. He seemed a very forlorn old man. In the wantonness of youth, strength, and comfortable condition,—making my prey of people's individualities, as my custom was,—I tried to identify my mind with the old fellow's, and take his view of the world, as if looking through a smoke-blackened glass at the sun. It robbed the landscape of all its life. Those pleasantly swelling slopes of our farm, descending towards the wide meadows, through which sluggishly circled the brimful tide of the Charles, bathing the long sedges on its hither and farther shores; the broad, sunny gleam over the winding water; that peculiar picturesqueness of the scene where capes and headlands put themselves boldly forth upon the perfect level of the meadow, as into a green lake, with inlets between the promontories; the shadowy woodland, with twinkling showers of light falling into its depths; the sultry heat-vapor, which rose everywhere like incense, and in which my soul delighted, as indicating so rich a fervor in the passionate day, and in the earth that was burning with its love,—I beheld all these things as through old Moodie's eyes. When my eyes are dimmer than they have yet come to be, I will go thither again, and see if I did not catch the tone of his mind aright, and if the cold and lifeless tint of his perceptions be not then repeated in my own.
He spoke slowly, with just a few words, like a watch with a stiff spring that ticks once or twice and then stops again. He looked like a very lonely old man. In the carefree days of my youth, strength, and comfort, taking advantage of people's individuality as I usually did, I tried to align my thoughts with that old man's and see the world from his perspective, as if looking at the sun through a smoky lens. It drained the landscape of all its vibrancy. Those gently rolling hills of our farm sloping down toward the vast meadows, where the overflowing tides of the Charles lazily flowed, touching the long reeds on both banks; the broad, sunny shine over the winding water; that unique charm of the scene where capes and headlands boldly extended into the flat meadow, like a green lake with inlets between the projections; the shaded woods, with flickering beams of light piercing its depths; the heavy heat rising everywhere like incense, which my soul reveled in, as it signified such a rich intensity in the passionate day and in the earth that was aflame with its love—I saw all these things through old Moodie's eyes. When my vision is even dimmer than it is now, I will go back there and see if I really understood his thoughts correctly, and if the cold, lifeless hue of his perceptions is not reflected in my own.
Yet it was unaccountable to myself, the interest that I felt in him.
Yet I couldn't explain why I was so interested in him.
"Have you any objection," said I, "to telling me who made those little purses?"
"Do you mind telling me who made those little purses?" I asked.
"Gentlemen have often asked me that," said Moodie slowly; "but I shake my head, and say little or nothing, and creep out of the way as well as I can. I am a man of few words; and if gentlemen were to be told one thing, they would be very apt, I suppose, to ask me another. But it happens just now, Mr. Coverdale, that you can tell me more about the maker of those little purses than I can tell you."
“Guys have often asked me that,” Moodie said slowly; “but I just shake my head, barely say anything, and try to sidestep the question as best I can. I'm not one for many words, and if I told them one thing, they'd probably just ask me another. But right now, Mr. Coverdale, you can tell me more about the maker of those little purses than I can tell you.”
"Why do you trouble him with needless questions, Coverdale?" interrupted Hollingsworth. "You must have known, long ago, that it was Priscilla. And so, my good friend, you have come to see her? Well, I am glad of it. You will find her altered very much for the better, since that winter evening when you put her into my charge. Why, Priscilla has a bloom in her cheeks, now!"
"Why are you bothering him with pointless questions, Coverdale?" interrupted Hollingsworth. "You must have known for a while now that it was Priscilla. So, my good friend, you've come to see her? Well, I'm glad to hear that. You'll find she's changed a lot for the better since that winter evening when you left her in my care. Honestly, Priscilla has color in her cheeks now!"
"Has my pale little girl a bloom?" repeated Moodie with a kind of slow wonder. "Priscilla with a bloom in her cheeks! Ah, I am afraid I shall not know my little girl. And is she happy?"
"Does my pale little girl have some color in her cheeks?" Moodie asked slowly, in disbelief. "Priscilla with color in her cheeks! Ah, I'm worried I won't recognize my little girl. And is she happy?"
"Just as happy as a bird," answered Hollingsworth.
"Just as happy as a bird," replied Hollingsworth.
"Then, gentlemen," said our guest apprehensively, "I don't think it well for me to go any farther. I crept hitherward only to ask about Priscilla; and now that you have told me such good news, perhaps I can do no better than to creep back again. If she were to see this old face of mine, the child would remember some very sad times which we have spent together. Some very sad times, indeed! She has forgotten them, I know,—them and me,—else she could not be so happy, nor have a bloom in her cheeks. Yes—yes—yes," continued he, still with the same torpid utterance; "with many thanks to you, Mr. Hollingsworth, I will creep back to town again."
"Then, gentlemen," said our guest nervously, "I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to go any further. I came here just to ask about Priscilla; and now that you've shared such good news, maybe it's best if I head back. If she saw this old face of mine, she would remember some very sad times we had together. Really sad times, in fact! I know she’s forgotten them—along with me—otherwise, she couldn’t be this happy or have such a glow in her cheeks. Yes—yes—yes," he continued, still speaking in the same slow way; "with many thanks to you, Mr. Hollingsworth, I will head back to town."
"You shall do no such thing, Mr. Moodie," said Hollingsworth bluffly. "Priscilla often speaks of you; and if there lacks anything to make her cheeks bloom like two damask roses, I'll venture to say it is just the sight of your face. Come,—we will go and find her."
"You shouldn’t do that, Mr. Moodie," Hollingsworth said bluntly. "Priscilla talks about you a lot; and if there's anything missing to make her cheeks bright like two damask roses, I’ll bet it’s just seeing your face. Come on—we’ll go find her."
"Mr. Hollingsworth!" said the old man in his hesitating way.
"Mr. Hollingsworth!" the old man said, hesitantly.
"Well," answered Hollingsworth.
"Well," Hollingsworth replied.
"Has there been any call for Priscilla?" asked Moodie; and though his face was hidden from us, his tone gave a sure indication of the mysterious nod and wink with which he put the question. "You know, I think, sir, what I mean."
"Has there been any word about Priscilla?" asked Moodie; and even though his face was hidden from us, his tone clearly hinted at the secretive nod and wink with which he posed the question. "You know, I believe, sir, what I mean."
"I have not the remotest suspicion what you mean, Mr. Moodie," replied Hollingsworth; "nobody, to my knowledge, has called for Priscilla, except yourself. But come; we are losing time, and I have several things to say to you by the way."
"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mr. Moodie," replied Hollingsworth. "As far as I know, no one has asked for Priscilla except you. But let’s get moving; we're wasting time, and I have a few things I need to discuss with you."
"And, Mr. Hollingsworth!" repeated Moodie.
"And, Mr. Hollingsworth!" Moodie repeated.
"Well, again!" cried my friend rather impatiently. "What now?"
"Well, here we go again!" my friend said, sounding a bit impatient. "What now?"
"There is a lady here," said the old man; and his voice lost some of its wearisome hesitation. "You will account it a very strange matter for me to talk about; but I chanced to know this lady when she was but a little child. If I am rightly informed, she has grown to be a very fine woman, and makes a brilliant figure in the world, with her beauty, and her talents, and her noble way of spending her riches. I should recognize this lady, so people tell me, by a magnificent flower in her hair."
"There’s a woman here," said the old man, and his voice sounded a bit more steady. "You might find it odd that I’m talking about her, but I happened to know this woman when she was just a little girl. If I’m not mistaken, she has grown into a remarkable woman and stands out in the world with her beauty, her talents, and her generous way of using her wealth. I would recognize this woman, or so people tell me, by a stunning flower in her hair."
"What a rich tinge it gives to his colorless ideas, when he speaks of Zenobia!" I whispered to Hollingsworth. "But how can there possibly be any interest or connecting link between him and her?"
"What a vibrant touch it adds to his dull ideas when he talks about Zenobia!" I whispered to Hollingsworth. "But how could there possibly be any interest or connection between him and her?"
"The old man, for years past," whispered Hollingsworth, "has been a little out of his right mind, as you probably see."
"The old man has been a bit out of his mind for years now," whispered Hollingsworth, "as you can probably tell."
"What I would inquire," resumed Moodie, "is whether this beautiful lady is kind to my poor Priscilla."
"What I want to know," Moodie continued, "is if this lovely lady is nice to my poor Priscilla."
"Very kind," said Hollingsworth.
"Really nice," said Hollingsworth.
"Does she love her?" asked Moodie.
"Does she love her?" Moodie asked.
"It should seem so," answered my friend. "They are always together."
"It does seem that way," my friend replied. "They’re always hanging out together."
"Like a gentlewoman and her maid-servant, I fancy?" suggested the old man.
"Like a lady and her maid, you mean?" the old man suggested.
There was something so singular in his way of saying this, that I could not resist the impulse to turn quite round, so as to catch a glimpse of his face, almost imagining that I should see another person than old Moodie. But there he sat, with the patched side of his face towards me.
There was something so unique in the way he said this that I couldn't help but turn around to catch a glimpse of his face, almost expecting to see someone other than old Moodie. But there he sat, with the patched side of his face facing me.
"Like an elder and younger sister, rather," replied Hollingsworth.
"More like an older sister and a younger sister," replied Hollingsworth.
"Ah!" said Moodie more complacently, for his latter tones had harshness and acidity in them,—"it would gladden my old heart to witness that. If one thing would make me happier than another, Mr. Hollingsworth, it would be to see that beautiful lady holding my little girl by the hand."
"Ah!" Moodie said, feeling more relaxed, even though his earlier tone had been a bit sharp and bitter. "It would warm my old heart to see that. If there’s anything that would make me happier than anything else, Mr. Hollingsworth, it would be seeing that beautiful lady holding my little girl by the hand."
"Come along," said Hollingsworth, "and perhaps you may."
"Come on," said Hollingsworth, "and maybe you will."
After a little more delay on the part of our freakish visitor, they set forth together, old Moodie keeping a step or two behind Hollingsworth, so that the latter could not very conveniently look him in the face. I remained under the tuft of maples, doing my utmost to draw an inference from the scene that had just passed. In spite of Hollingsworth's off-hand explanation, it did not strike me that our strange guest was really beside himself, but only that his mind needed screwing up, like an instrument long out of tune, the strings of which have ceased to vibrate smartly and sharply. Methought it would be profitable for us, projectors of a happy life, to welcome this old gray shadow, and cherish him as one of us, and let him creep about our domain, in order that he might be a little merrier for our sakes, and we, sometimes, a little sadder for his. Human destinies look ominous without some perceptible intermixture of the sable or the gray. And then, too, should any of our fraternity grow feverish with an over-exulting sense of prosperity, it would be a sort of cooling regimen to slink off into the woods, and spend an hour, or a day, or as many days as might be requisite to the cure, in uninterrupted communion with this deplorable old Moodie!
After a bit more hesitation from our unusual visitor, they headed out together, with old Moodie trailing a step or two behind Hollingsworth, so that the latter couldn't easily look him in the eye. I stayed under the cluster of maples, trying my best to draw some conclusions from what had just happened. Despite Hollingsworth's casual explanation, I didn't think our strange guest was truly out of his mind, but rather that his thoughts needed some adjusting, like an instrument that's gone out of tune and no longer plays sharply or clearly. I felt it would benefit us, as dreamers of a better life, to welcome this old gray figure and embrace him as one of our own, letting him wander our space so he could be a bit happier for our sake, and sometimes we could feel a bit sadder for his. Human lives seem foreboding without some noticeable blend of black or gray. And also, if any of us started to feel overwhelmed by a sense of success, it would be refreshing to sneak off into the woods and spend an hour, a day, or however long we needed to heal, in deep conversation with this sorrowful old Moodie!
Going homeward to dinner, I had a glimpse of him, behind the trunk of a tree, gazing earnestly towards a particular window of the farmhouse; and by and by Priscilla appeared at this window, playfully drawing along Zenobia, who looked as bright as the very day that was blazing down upon us, only not, by many degrees, so well advanced towards her noon. I was convinced that this pretty sight must have been purposely arranged by Priscilla for the old man to see. But either the girl held her too long, or her fondness was resented as too great a freedom; for Zenobia suddenly put Priscilla decidedly away, and gave her a haughty look, as from a mistress to a dependant. Old Moodie shook his head; and again and again I saw him shake it, as he withdrew along the road; and at the last point whence the farmhouse was visible, he turned and shook his uplifted staff.
Heading home for dinner, I caught a glimpse of him behind the trunk of a tree, looking intently at a specific window of the farmhouse. After a while, Priscilla appeared at this window, playfully leading along Zenobia, who looked as bright as the sun shining down on us, though not nearly as far along in her day. I was certain that Priscilla had orchestrated this lovely scene for the old man to see. However, either the girl was holding her too long, or Zenobia felt it was too much familiarity; suddenly, Zenobia pushed Priscilla away with a definitive gesture and shot her a disdainful look, like a mistress addressing a servant. Old Moodie shook his head; I saw him shake it again and again as he walked down the road. Finally, from the last spot where the farmhouse was visible, he turned and shook his raised staff.
XI. THE WOOD-PATH
Not long after the preceding incident, in order to get the ache of too constant labor out of my bones, and to relieve my spirit of the irksomeness of a settled routine, I took a holiday. It was my purpose to spend it all alone, from breakfast-time till twilight, in the deepest wood-seclusion that lay anywhere around us. Though fond of society, I was so constituted as to need these occasional retirements, even in a life like that of Blithedale, which was itself characterized by a remoteness from the world. Unless renewed by a yet further withdrawal towards the inner circle of self-communion, I lost the better part of my individuality. My thoughts became of little worth, and my sensibilities grew as arid as a tuft of moss (a thing whose life is in the shade, the rain, or the noontide dew), crumbling in the sunshine after long expectance of a shower. So, with my heart full of a drowsy pleasure, and cautious not to dissipate my mood by previous intercourse with any one, I hurried away, and was soon pacing a wood-path, arched overhead with boughs, and dusky-brown beneath my feet.
Not long after the last incident, to ease the ache from too much work and to free my mind from the monotony of a fixed routine, I decided to take a break. I planned to spend the entire day alone, from breakfast until twilight, in the deepest woods around us. Although I enjoyed being around others, I was the type of person who needed these occasional retreats, even in a life like Blithedale, which was already far removed from the world. If I didn’t take the time to retreat further into my own thoughts, I felt like I was losing a significant part of myself. My thoughts became less valuable, and my feelings dried up like a patch of moss—something that thrives in the shade, rain, or midday dew but crumbles in the sun after waiting for a shower. So, with a heart full of sleepy joy and careful not to spoil my mood by interacting with anyone beforehand, I hurried away and soon found myself walking along a wood path, shaded by branches overhead and dark brown beneath my feet.
At first I walked very swiftly, as if the heavy flood tide of social life were roaring at my heels, and would outstrip and overwhelm me, without all the better diligence in my escape. But, threading the more distant windings of the track, I abated my pace, and looked about me for some side-aisle, that should admit me into the innermost sanctuary of this green cathedral, just as, in human acquaintanceship, a casual opening sometimes lets us, all of a sudden, into the long-sought intimacy of a mysterious heart. So much was I absorbed in my reflections,—or, rather, in my mood, the substance of which was as yet too shapeless to be called thought,—that footsteps rustled on the leaves, and a figure passed me by, almost without impressing either the sound or sight upon my consciousness.
At first, I walked quickly, like the intense rush of social life was chasing me, ready to catch up and overwhelm me if I didn’t hurry to escape. But as I took the longer turns on the path, I slowed down and looked for a side trail that would lead me into the deepest part of this green cathedral, just like how a chance moment in human connections can suddenly bring us into the deep intimacy of a mysterious heart. I was so lost in my thoughts—or more accurately, in my feelings, which were still too vague to be called ideas—that I barely noticed the rustle of footsteps on the leaves and a figure passing by, hardly registering the sound or sight in my mind.
A moment afterwards, I heard a voice at a little distance behind me, speaking so sharply and impertinently that it made a complete discord with my spiritual state, and caused the latter to vanish as abruptly as when you thrust a finger into a soap-bubble.
A moment later, I heard a voice a short distance behind me, speaking so sharply and disrespectfully that it completely clashed with my mood and made it disappear as suddenly as when you poke a finger into a soap bubble.
"Halloo, friend!" cried this most unseasonable voice. "Stop a moment, I say! I must have a word with you!"
"Hey there, friend!" shouted this really unexpected voice. "Hold on a second, I need to talk to you!"
I turned about, in a humor ludicrously irate. In the first place, the interruption, at any rate, was a grievous injury; then, the tone displeased me. And finally, unless there be real affection in his heart, a man cannot,—such is the bad state to which the world has brought itself,—cannot more effectually show his contempt for a brother mortal, nor more gallingly assume a position of superiority, than by addressing him as "friend." Especially does the misapplication of this phrase bring out that latent hostility which is sure to animate peculiar sects, and those who, with however generous a purpose, have sequestered themselves from the crowd; a feeling, it is true, which may be hidden in some dog-kennel of the heart, grumbling there in the darkness, but is never quite extinct, until the dissenting party have gained power and scope enough to treat the world generously. For my part, I should have taken it as far less an insult to be styled "fellow," "clown," or "bumpkin." To either of these appellations my rustic garb (it was a linen blouse, with checked shirt and striped pantaloons, a chip hat on my head, and a rough hickory stick in my hand) very fairly entitled me. As the case stood, my temper darted at once to the opposite pole; not friend, but enemy!
I turned around, feeling ridiculously angry. First of all, the interruption was a serious offense; then, the tone really bothered me. And finally, unless there's genuine affection in his heart, a man cannot—such is the poor state the world has reached—show his contempt for another person more effectively, or assume a position of superiority more annoyingly, than by calling him "friend." Especially does the misuse of this term reveal the underlying hostility that often exists among unique groups, and those who, with whatever good intentions, have separated themselves from the crowd; a feeling that, while it may lie buried in some dark corner of the heart, never quite disappears until the dissenting party has enough power and opportunity to treat the world with kindness. For my part, I would have found it far less insulting to be called "fellow," "clown," or "bumpkin." I was quite deserving of those labels given my rustic outfit (a linen blouse, checked shirt and striped pants, a chip hat on my head, and a rough hickory stick in my hand). As it was, my temper immediately flipped to the opposite extreme; not friend, but enemy!
"What do you want with me?" said I, facing about.
"What do you want with me?" I said, turning to face him.
"Come a little nearer, friend," said the stranger, beckoning.
"Come a bit closer, friend," said the stranger, gesturing.
"No," answered I. "If I can do anything for you without too much trouble to myself, say so. But recollect, if you please, that you are not speaking to an acquaintance, much less a friend!"
"No," I replied. "If there's anything I can do for you without too much effort on my part, just let me know. But remember, you’re not talking to someone you know well, let alone a friend!"
"Upon my word, I believe not!" retorted he, looking at me with some curiosity; and, lifting his hat, he made me a salute which had enough of sarcasm to be offensive, and just enough of doubtful courtesy to render any resentment of it absurd. "But I ask your pardon! I recognize a little mistake. If I may take the liberty to suppose it, you, sir, are probably one of the aesthetic—or shall I rather say ecstatic?—laborers, who have planted themselves hereabouts. This is your forest of Arden; and you are either the banished Duke in person, or one of the chief nobles in his train. The melancholy Jacques, perhaps? Be it so. In that case, you can probably do me a favor."
"I can't believe that!" he shot back, looking at me with some curiosity. He raised his hat and gave me a sarcastic salute that was just enough to be offensive but also had a hint of politeness that made it ridiculous to be upset about. "But I apologize! I see I made a little mistake. If I may venture to guess, you, sir, are likely one of the artistic—or should I say ecstatic?—workers who have settled around here. This is your own Forest of Arden; and you're either the exiled Duke himself or one of his top nobles. Perhaps the melancholy Jacques? If so, you might be able to help me."
I never, in my life, felt less inclined to confer a favor on any man.
I have never, in my life, felt less motivated to do a favor for anyone.
"I am busy," said I.
"I'm busy," I said.
So unexpectedly had the stranger made me sensible of his presence, that he had almost the effect of an apparition; and certainly a less appropriate one (taking into view the dim woodland solitude about us) than if the salvage man of antiquity, hirsute and cinctured with a leafy girdle, had started out of a thicket. He was still young, seemingly a little under thirty, of a tall and well-developed figure, and as handsome a man as ever I beheld. The style of his beauty, however, though a masculine style, did not at all commend itself to my taste. His countenance—I hardly know how to describe the peculiarity—had an indecorum in it, a kind of rudeness, a hard, coarse, forth-putting freedom of expression, which no degree of external polish could have abated one single jot. Not that it was vulgar. But he had no fineness of nature; there was in his eyes (although they might have artifice enough of another sort) the naked exposure of something that ought not to be left prominent. With these vague allusions to what I have seen in other faces as well as his, I leave the quality to be comprehended best—because with an intuitive repugnance—by those who possess least of it.
The stranger startled me so much with his presence that he felt almost like a ghost; and definitely a weirder sight, considering the quiet, dark woods around us, than if some ancient wild man, hairy and wearing a leafy belt, had emerged from the bushes. He was still young, probably just under thirty, tall and well-built, and one of the most handsome men I've ever seen. However, his type of beauty, while masculine, didn’t appeal to me at all. His face—it's hard to explain—had a certain rawness, a kind of rudeness, a blunt, coarse expression that no amount of refinement could soften. It wasn't vulgar, but he lacked any kind of delicacy; there was something in his eyes (even if they had a different kind of cunning) that exposed things that shouldn’t have been so obvious. With these vague references to what I’ve seen in other faces as well as his, I leave it for others to understand best—because those who have the least of it usually feel a natural aversion.
His hair, as well as his beard and mustache, was coal-black; his eyes, too, were black and sparkling, and his teeth remarkably brilliant. He was rather carelessly but well and fashionably dressed, in a summer-morning costume. There was a gold chain, exquisitely wrought, across his vest. I never saw a smoother or whiter gloss than that upon his shirt-bosom, which had a pin in it, set with a gem that glimmered, in the leafy shadow where he stood, like a living tip of fire. He carried a stick with a wooden head, carved in vivid imitation of that of a serpent. I hated him, partly, I do believe, from a comparison of my own homely garb with his well-ordered foppishness.
His hair, along with his beard and mustache, was jet black; his eyes were also black and sparkling, and his teeth were incredibly bright. He was dressed in a casual yet stylish summer morning outfit. A beautifully crafted gold chain hung across his vest. I had never seen a smoother or whiter shine than that on his shirt front, which had a pin set with a gem that sparkled in the leafy shade where he stood, like a living flicker of fire. He held a stick with a wooden handle carved to look like a serpent's head. I think I hated him, in part, because I compared my plain clothing to his well-groomed flamboyance.
"Well, sir," said I, a little ashamed of my first irritation, but still with no waste of civility, "be pleased to speak at once, as I have my own business in hand."
"Well, sir," I said, feeling a bit embarrassed about my initial irritation, but still being polite, "please go ahead and speak, as I have my own things to take care of."
"I regret that my mode of addressing you was a little unfortunate," said the stranger, smiling; for he seemed a very acute sort of person, and saw, in some degree, how I stood affected towards him. "I intended no offence, and shall certainly comport myself with due ceremony hereafter. I merely wish to make a few inquiries respecting a lady, formerly of my acquaintance, who is now resident in your Community, and, I believe, largely concerned in your social enterprise. You call her, I think, Zenobia."
"I’m sorry that the way I addressed you was a bit off," said the stranger, smiling; he appeared to be quite perceptive and seemed to understand, at least somewhat, how I felt about him. "I meant no disrespect and will definitely be more formal in the future. I just want to ask a few questions about a lady I used to know, who is now living in your community and, I believe, heavily involved in your social project. You refer to her as Zenobia, I think."
"That is her name in literature," observed I; "a name, too, which possibly she may permit her private friends to know and address her by,—but not one which they feel at liberty to recognize when used of her personally by a stranger or casual acquaintance."
"That’s her name in literature," I remarked; "a name that she might allow her close friends to use when addressing her—but it’s not one they feel comfortable using when a stranger or casual acquaintance mentions her."
"Indeed!" answered this disagreeable person; and he turned aside his face for an instant with a brief laugh, which struck me as a noteworthy expression of his character. "Perhaps I might put forward a claim, on your own grounds, to call the lady by a name so appropriate to her splendid qualities. But I am willing to know her by any cognomen that you may suggest."
"Sure thing!" replied this unpleasant person; he briefly turned his face away with a short laugh, which seemed to be a significant reflection of his character. "Maybe I could make a case, based on your reasoning, to call the lady by a name that really suits her remarkable qualities. But I'm open to whatever name you think is fitting."
Heartily wishing that he would be either a little more offensive, or a good deal less so, or break off our intercourse altogether, I mentioned Zenobia's real name.
Heartily wishing he would either be a bit more annoying, or a lot less so, or just end our interaction completely, I mentioned Zenobia's real name.
"True," said he; "and in general society I have never heard her called otherwise. And, after all, our discussion of the point has been gratuitous. My object is only to inquire when, where, and how this lady may most conveniently be seen."
"True," he said; "and generally, I’ve never heard her referred to any other way. And really, our discussion about it has been unnecessary. My only goal is to find out when, where, and how I can see this lady most easily."
"At her present residence, of course," I replied. "You have but to go thither and ask for her. This very path will lead you within sight of the house; so I wish you good-morning."
"At her current place, of course," I replied. "You just need to go there and ask for her. This very path will take you close to the house; so I wish you a good morning."
"One moment, if you please," said the stranger. "The course you indicate would certainly be the proper one, in an ordinary morning call. But my business is private, personal, and somewhat peculiar. Now, in a community like this, I should judge that any little occurrence is likely to be discussed rather more minutely than would quite suit my views. I refer solely to myself, you understand, and without intimating that it would be other than a matter of entire indifference to the lady. In short, I especially desire to see her in private. If her habits are such as I have known them, she is probably often to be met with in the woods, or by the river-side; and I think you could do me the favor to point out some favorite walk, where, about this hour, I might be fortunate enough to gain an interview."
"One moment, if you don’t mind," said the stranger. "The way you suggest would definitely be appropriate for a regular morning visit. But my business is private, personal, and a bit unusual. Here, in a community like this, I assume that even minor events are likely to be talked about more than I’d prefer. I’m only talking about myself, of course, and without implying that it would matter to the lady at all. In short, I particularly want to see her in private. If her routine is what I think it is, she’s probably often found in the woods or by the riverbank; and I’d appreciate it if you could help me by pointing out a favorite spot where, around this time, I might be lucky enough to catch her."
I reflected that it would be quite a supererogatory piece of Quixotism in me to undertake the guardianship of Zenobia, who, for my pains, would only make me the butt of endless ridicule, should the fact ever come to her knowledge. I therefore described a spot which, as often as any other, was Zenobia's resort at this period of the day; nor was it so remote from the farmhouse as to leave her in much peril, whatever might be the stranger's character.
I thought it would be pretty foolish of me to take on the responsibility of watching over Zenobia, who would just turn me into a target for constant mockery if she ever found out. So, I pointed out a place that she frequently visited at this time of day; it wasn’t so far from the farmhouse that she would be in too much danger, no matter what kind of person the stranger might be.
"A single word more," said he; and his black eyes sparkled at me, whether with fun or malice I knew not, but certainly as if the Devil were peeping out of them. "Among your fraternity, I understand, there is a certain holy and benevolent blacksmith; a man of iron, in more senses than one; a rough, cross-grained, well-meaning individual, rather boorish in his manners, as might be expected, and by no means of the highest intellectual cultivation. He is a philanthropical lecturer, with two or three disciples, and a scheme of his own, the preliminary step in which involves a large purchase of land, and the erection of a spacious edifice, at an expense considerably beyond his means; inasmuch as these are to be reckoned in copper or old iron much more conveniently than in gold or silver. He hammers away upon his one topic as lustily as ever he did upon a horseshoe! Do you know such a person?" I shook my head, and was turning away. "Our friend," he continued, "is described to me as a brawny, shaggy, grim, and ill-favored personage, not particularly well calculated, one would say, to insinuate himself with the softer sex. Yet, so far has this honest fellow succeeded with one lady whom we wot of, that he anticipates, from her abundant resources, the necessary funds for realizing his plan in brick and mortar!"
"One more word," he said, his dark eyes glinting at me in a way that made me unsure whether it was playful or malicious, but definitely like the Devil was lurking behind them. "Among your group, I hear there's a certain holy and kind blacksmith; a man of iron in more ways than one; a rough, cranky, well-meaning guy, pretty blunt in his manners, as you might expect, and not exactly the most educated. He’s a philanthropic speaker with a couple of followers and his own agenda, which kicks off with a big purchase of land and building a large structure at a cost well beyond his budget; because his finances are more like copper or scrap metal than anything golden or silver. He bangs away at his one subject as vigorously as he does on a horseshoe! Do you know this person?" I shook my head and started to turn away. "This friend of ours," he went on, "is described to me as a muscular, rough, grim, and unattractive character, not particularly suited to charm the ladies. Yet, somehow this honest chap has made quite an impression on one woman we know, so much so that he expects to get the funds he needs from her deep pockets to make his plan a reality!"
Here the stranger seemed to be so much amused with his sketch of Hollingsworth's character and purposes, that he burst into a fit of merriment, of the same nature as the brief, metallic laugh already alluded to, but immensely prolonged and enlarged. In the excess of his delight, he opened his mouth wide, and disclosed a gold band around the upper part of his teeth, thereby making it apparent that every one of his brilliant grinders and incisors was a sham. This discovery affected me very oddly.
Here, the stranger seemed to find so much humor in his depiction of Hollingsworth's character and intentions that he broke into a fit of laughter, similar to that brief, metallic laugh mentioned earlier, but much longer and louder. In his excitement, he opened his mouth wide, revealing a gold band around the upper part of his teeth, making it clear that each of his shiny molars and incisors was fake. This revelation struck me in a very strange way.
I felt as if the whole man were a moral and physical humbug; his wonderful beauty of face, for aught I knew, might be removable like a mask; and, tall and comely as his figure looked, he was perhaps but a wizened little elf, gray and decrepit, with nothing genuine about him save the wicked expression of his grin. The fantasy of his spectral character so wrought upon me, together with the contagion of his strange mirth on my sympathies, that I soon began to laugh as loudly as himself.
I felt like the whole guy was just a fake, both morally and physically; his incredible good looks could easily be a disguise, like a mask. And even though he looked tall and attractive, he might actually be a shriveled little creature, old and frail, with nothing real about him except for the wicked grin on his face. The fantasy of his ghostly persona affected me so much, combined with the way his odd laughter influenced my feelings, that I quickly started laughing as loudly as he was.
By and by, he paused all at once; so suddenly, indeed, that my own cachinnation lasted a moment longer.
By and by, he suddenly stopped; so abruptly, in fact, that my own laughter continued for a moment longer.
"Ah, excuse me!" said he. "Our interview seems to proceed more merrily than it began."
"Ah, excuse me!" he said. "Our conversation seems to be going much better than it started."
"It ends here," answered I. "And I take shame to myself that my folly has lost me the right of resenting your ridicule of a friend."
"It ends here," I replied. "And I feel ashamed that my foolishness has taken away my right to be upset about your mockery of a friend."
"Pray allow me," said the stranger, approaching a step nearer, and laying his gloved hand on my sleeve. "One other favor I must ask of you. You have a young person here at Blithedale, of whom I have heard,—whom, perhaps, I have known,—and in whom, at all events, I take a peculiar interest. She is one of those delicate, nervous young creatures, not uncommon in New England, and whom I suppose to have become what we find them by the gradual refining away of the physical system among your women. Some philosophers choose to glorify this habit of body by terming it spiritual; but, in my opinion, it is rather the effect of unwholesome food, bad air, lack of outdoor exercise, and neglect of bathing, on the part of these damsels and their female progenitors, all resulting in a kind of hereditary dyspepsia. Zenobia, even with her uncomfortable surplus of vitality, is far the better model of womanhood. But—to revert again to this young person—she goes among you by the name of Priscilla. Could you possibly afford me the means of speaking with her?"
"Please allow me," said the stranger, stepping a bit closer and placing his gloved hand on my sleeve. "I have one more favor to ask of you. There's a young woman here at Blithedale that I've heard about—someone I might even know—and I'm particularly interested in her. She's one of those delicate, nervous young women, pretty common in New England, and I believe she's become what she is due to the gradual weakening of the physical constitution among your women. Some philosophers like to glorify this type of body by calling it spiritual; however, I think it’s more a result of unhealthy food, poor air quality, lack of outdoor exercise, and neglect of proper hygiene among these young women and their female ancestors, leading to a kind of hereditary digestive issue. Zenobia, despite her excessive energy, is a much better example of womanhood. But—back to this young woman—she goes by the name Priscilla among you. Could you possibly help me get a chance to speak with her?"
"You have made so many inquiries of me," I observed, "that I may at least trouble you with one. What is your name?"
"You've asked me so many questions," I said, "that I can at least bother you with one. What's your name?"
He offered me a card, with "Professor Westervelt" engraved on it. At the same time, as if to vindicate his claim to the professorial dignity, so often assumed on very questionable grounds, he put on a pair of spectacles, which so altered the character of his face that I hardly knew him again. But I liked the present aspect no better than the former one.
He handed me a card with "Professor Westervelt" printed on it. At the same time, to justify his claim to the title of professor, which is often taken on rather shaky foundations, he put on a pair of glasses that changed his appearance so much I barely recognized him. However, I didn't like this new look any better than the old one.
"I must decline any further connection with your affairs," said I, drawing back. "I have told you where to find Zenobia. As for Priscilla, she has closer friends than myself, through whom, if they see fit, you can gain access to her."
"I have to back away from any more involvement in your matters," I said, stepping back. "I've pointed you to where you can find Zenobia. As for Priscilla, she has closer friends than me, and through them, if they choose to, you can reach her."
"In that case," returned the Professor, ceremoniously raising his hat, "good-morning to you."
"In that case," said the Professor, tipping his hat, "good morning to you."
He took his departure, and was soon out of sight among the windings of the wood-path. But after a little reflection, I could not help regretting that I had so peremptorily broken off the interview, while the stranger seemed inclined to continue it. His evident knowledge of matters affecting my three friends might have led to disclosures or inferences that would perhaps have been serviceable. I was particularly struck with the fact that, ever since the appearance of Priscilla, it had been the tendency of events to suggest and establish a connection between Zenobia and her. She had come, in the first instance, as if with the sole purpose of claiming Zenobia's protection. Old Moodie's visit, it appeared, was chiefly to ascertain whether this object had been accomplished. And here, to-day, was the questionable Professor, linking one with the other in his inquiries, and seeking communication with both.
He left and soon disappeared among the twists of the forest path. After thinking it over for a bit, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for cutting off the conversation so abruptly, especially since the stranger seemed willing to keep talking. His clear understanding of things concerning my three friends might have led to insights or information that could have been useful. I was particularly struck by how, ever since Priscilla showed up, events seemed to suggest and create a link between her and Zenobia. She had initially come as if her only purpose was to seek Zenobia's protection. It turned out that Old Moodie's visit was mainly to find out if that goal had been achieved. And here today was the dubious Professor, connecting the two in his questions and trying to communicate with both.
Meanwhile, my inclination for a ramble having been balked, I lingered in the vicinity of the farm, with perhaps a vague idea that some new event would grow out of Westervelt's proposed interview with Zenobia. My own part in these transactions was singularly subordinate. It resembled that of the Chorus in a classic play, which seems to be set aloof from the possibility of personal concernment, and bestows the whole measure of its hope or fear, its exultation or sorrow, on the fortunes of others, between whom and itself this sympathy is the only bond. Destiny, it may be,—the most skilful of stage managers,—seldom chooses to arrange its scenes, and carry forward its drama, without securing the presence of at least one calm observer. It is his office to give applause when due, and sometimes an inevitable tear, to detect the final fitness of incident to character, and distil in his long-brooding thought the whole morality of the performance.
Meanwhile, since I couldn't go for a walk, I hung around the farm, maybe hoping something new would come from Westervelt's planned meeting with Zenobia. My role in all of this was pretty minor. It was like being the Chorus in an old play, which seems to keep its distance from personal involvement and focuses all its hopes or fears, joy or sadness, on the fates of others, with sympathy being the only connection. Fate, perhaps—the best director—rarely arranges its scenes and moves the plot forward without having at least one calm observer present. It's their job to applaud when it's deserved and sometimes shed an inevitable tear, to see how well the events fit the characters, and to reflect on the whole morality of the story in their deep contemplation.
Not to be out of the way in case there were need of me in my vocation, and, at the same time, to avoid thrusting myself where neither destiny nor mortals might desire my presence, I remained pretty near the verge of the woodlands. My position was off the track of Zenobia's customary walk, yet not so remote but that a recognized occasion might speedily have brought me thither.
Not wanting to be unavailable in case my skills were needed, but also trying to avoid imposing myself where I wasn't wanted, I stayed close to the edge of the woods. I was off the path that Zenobia usually took, but not so far away that a suitable chance couldn't quickly have brought me there.
XII. COVERDALE'S HERMITAGE
Long since, in this part of our circumjacent wood, I had found out for myself a little hermitage. It was a kind of leafy cave, high upward into the air, among the midmost branches of a white-pine tree. A wild grapevine, of unusual size and luxuriance, had twined and twisted itself up into the tree, and, after wreathing the entanglement of its tendrils around almost every bough, had caught hold of three or four neighboring trees, and married the whole clump with a perfectly inextricable knot of polygamy. Once, while sheltering myself from a summer shower, the fancy had taken me to clamber up into this seemingly impervious mass of foliage. The branches yielded me a passage, and closed again beneath, as if only a squirrel or a bird had passed. Far aloft, around the stem of the central pine, behold a perfect nest for Robinson Crusoe or King Charles! A hollow chamber of rare seclusion had been formed by the decay of some of the pine branches, which the vine had lovingly strangled with its embrace, burying them from the light of day in an aerial sepulchre of its own leaves. It cost me but little ingenuity to enlarge the interior, and open loopholes through the verdant walls. Had it ever been my fortune to spend a honeymoon, I should have thought seriously of inviting my bride up thither, where our next neighbors would have been two orioles in another part of the clump.
A long time ago, in this area of the surrounding woods, I discovered a little hideout for myself. It was like a leafy cave, high up among the branches of a white pine tree. A wild grapevine, unusually large and lush, had twisted itself up into the tree, wrapping its tendrils around almost every branch and connecting to three or four nearby trees, creating a tangled knot of greenery. Once, while trying to stay dry during a summer rain, I decided to climb into this seemingly impenetrable mass of leaves. The branches opened up for me, then closed behind as if only a squirrel or a bird had passed through. Up high, around the trunk of the central pine, there was a perfect spot for someone like Robinson Crusoe or King Charles! A hollow space had formed from the decay of some pine branches, which the vine had tightly embraced, hiding them from the light in a leafy tomb. It didn’t take much effort for me to make the interior bigger and cut openings through the green walls. If I had ever had the chance to spend a honeymoon, I would have seriously considered inviting my bride up there, where our only neighbors would have been a couple of orioles in another part of the clump.
It was an admirable place to make verses, tuning the rhythm to the breezy symphony that so often stirred among the vine leaves; or to meditate an essay for "The Dial," in which the many tongues of Nature whispered mysteries, and seemed to ask only a little stronger puff of wind to speak out the solution of its riddle. Being so pervious to air-currents, it was just the nook, too, for the enjoyment of a cigar. This hermitage was my one exclusive possession while I counted myself a brother of the socialists. It symbolized my individuality, and aided me in keeping it inviolate. None ever found me out in it, except, once, a squirrel. I brought thither no guest, because, after Hollingsworth failed me, there was no longer the man alive with whom I could think of sharing all. So there I used to sit, owl-like, yet not without liberal and hospitable thoughts. I counted the innumerable clusters of my vine, and fore-reckoned the abundance of my vintage. It gladdened me to anticipate the surprise of the Community, when, like an allegorical figure of rich October, I should make my appearance, with shoulders bent beneath the burden of ripe grapes, and some of the crushed ones crimsoning my brow as with a bloodstain.
It was a perfect spot for writing poetry, syncing the rhythm with the gentle music that often stirred among the vine leaves; or to think about an essay for "The Dial," where Nature's many voices whispered secrets, seeming to just need a stronger breeze to reveal the solution to its puzzle. With its openness to the wind, it was also the ideal place to enjoy a cigar. This little sanctuary was my sole treasured space while I considered myself part of the socialists. It represented my individuality, helping me keep it intact. No one ever discovered me there, except for a squirrel once. I never brought anyone along because, after Hollingsworth let me down, there wasn’t anyone left I could imagine sharing everything with. So, I would sit there, owl-like, but not without generous and welcoming thoughts. I counted the countless bunches of my grapes, anticipating the bounty of my harvest. It delighted me to think about the Community's surprise when, like a symbol of rich October, I would show up, shoulders weighed down by ripe grapes, with some of the crushed ones staining my brow like blood.
Ascending into this natural turret, I peeped in turn out of several of its small windows. The pine-tree, being ancient, rose high above the rest of the wood, which was of comparatively recent growth. Even where I sat, about midway between the root and the topmost bough, my position was lofty enough to serve as an observatory, not for starry investigations, but for those sublunary matters in which lay a lore as infinite as that of the planets. Through one loophole I saw the river lapsing calmly onward, while in the meadow, near its brink, a few of the brethren were digging peat for our winter's fuel. On the interior cart-road of our farm I discerned Hollingsworth, with a yoke of oxen hitched to a drag of stones, that were to be piled into a fence, on which we employed ourselves at the odd intervals of other labor. The harsh tones of his voice, shouting to the sluggish steers, made me sensible, even at such a distance, that he was ill at ease, and that the balked philanthropist had the battle-spirit in his heart.
Climbing up into this natural tower, I looked out of several of its small windows. The ancient pine tree stood tall above the rest of the forest, which was relatively new. Even where I sat, about halfway up between the roots and the highest branches, my spot was high enough to act as a lookout, not for observing the stars, but for those earthly matters that held as much knowledge as the planets. Through one opening, I saw the river flowing steadily, while in the meadow near the water, a few of the guys were digging peat for our winter fuel. On the farm's interior road, I spotted Hollingsworth, with a yoke of oxen hitched to a cart of stones, which we were going to stack into a fence during our breaks from other work. The harsh sound of his voice shouting at the slow-moving oxen made it clear to me, even from a distance, that he was uncomfortable and that the frustrated philanthropist had a fighting spirit in his heart.
"Haw, Buck!" quoth he. "Come along there, ye lazy ones! What are ye about, now? Gee!"
"Haw, Buck!" he said. "Come on, you lazy ones! What are you doing now? Gee!"
"Mankind, in Hollingsworth's opinion," thought I, "is but another yoke of oxen, as stubborn, stupid, and sluggish as our old Brown and Bright. He vituperates us aloud, and curses us in his heart, and will begin to prick us with the goad-stick, by and by. But are we his oxen? And what right has he to be the driver? And why, when there is enough else to do, should we waste our strength in dragging home the ponderous load of his philanthropic absurdities? At my height above the earth, the whole matter looks ridiculous!"
“Mankind, as Hollingsworth sees it,” I thought, “is just another team of oxen, as stubborn, dumb, and slow as our old Brown and Bright. He criticizes us out loud and curses us in his heart, and he’ll soon start prodding us with the goad-stick. But are we his oxen? What right does he have to be the driver? And why, when there’s so much else to be done, should we waste our energy dragging home the heavy load of his ridiculous philanthropic ideas? From my viewpoint above the earth, the whole situation seems absurd!”
Turning towards the farmhouse, I saw Priscilla (for, though a great way off, the eye of faith assured me that it was she) sitting at Zenobia's window, and making little purses, I suppose; or, perhaps, mending the Community's old linen. A bird flew past my tree; and, as it clove its way onward into the sunny atmosphere, I flung it a message for Priscilla.
Turning towards the farmhouse, I saw Priscilla (even though she was quite far away, my faith told me it was her) sitting at Zenobia's window, probably making little purses or maybe mending the Community's old linens. A bird flew past my tree, and as it soared into the sunny sky, I sent a message to Priscilla.
"Tell her," said I, "that her fragile thread of life has inextricably knotted itself with other and tougher threads, and most likely it will be broken. Tell her that Zenobia will not be long her friend. Say that Hollingsworth's heart is on fire with his own purpose, but icy for all human affection; and that, if she has given him her love, it is like casting a flower into a sepulchre. And say that if any mortal really cares for her, it is myself; and not even I for her realities,—poor little seamstress, as Zenobia rightly called her!—but for the fancy-work with which I have idly decked her out!"
"Tell her," I said, "that her delicate thread of life is hopelessly tangled with stronger threads, and it will probably break. Tell her that Zenobia won't stick around as her friend for long. Say that Hollingsworth is consumed with his own ambitions, but cold toward all human emotions; and that if she has given him her love, it’s like throwing a flower into a tomb. And tell her that if anyone actually cares about her, it’s me; and not even I care for her reality—poor little seamstress, as Zenobia rightly called her!—but for the fantasy I’ve idly created around her!"
The pleasant scent of the wood, evolved by the hot sun, stole up to my nostrils, as if I had been an idol in its niche. Many trees mingled their fragrance into a thousand-fold odor. Possibly there was a sensual influence in the broad light of noon that lay beneath me. It may have been the cause, in part, that I suddenly found myself possessed by a mood of disbelief in moral beauty or heroism, and a conviction of the folly of attempting to benefit the world. Our especial scheme of reform, which, from my observatory, I could take in with the bodily eye, looked so ridiculous that it was impossible not to laugh aloud.
The pleasant smell of the wood, warmed by the bright sun, wafted up to my nose, as if I were an idol in its shrine. Many trees blended their scents into a rich medley. Perhaps there was a tempting influence in the bright noontime light that surrounded me. It might have contributed to the sudden wave of disbelief I felt towards moral beauty or heroism, along with a strong sense that trying to improve the world was pointless. Our specific plan for reform, which I could see clearly from my vantage point, seemed so absurd that I couldn't help but laugh out loud.
"But the joke is a little too heavy," thought I. "If I were wise, I should get out of the scrape with all diligence, and then laugh at my companions for remaining in it."
"But the joke is a bit too much," I thought. "If I were smart, I would quickly get out of this situation and then laugh at my friends for staying in it."
While thus musing, I heard with perfect distinctness, somewhere in the wood beneath, the peculiar laugh which I have described as one of the disagreeable characteristics of Professor Westervelt. It brought my thoughts back to our recent interview. I recognized as chiefly due to this man's influence the sceptical and sneering view which just now had filled my mental vision in regard to all life's better purposes. And it was through his eyes, more than my own, that I was looking at Hollingsworth, with his glorious if impracticable dream, and at the noble earthliness of Zenobia's character, and even at Priscilla, whose impalpable grace lay so singularly between disease and beauty. The essential charm of each had vanished. There are some spheres the contact with which inevitably degrades the high, debases the pure, deforms the beautiful. It must be a mind of uncommon strength, and little impressibility, that can permit itself the habit of such intercourse, and not be permanently deteriorated; and yet the Professor's tone represented that of worldly society at large, where a cold scepticism smothers what it can of our spiritual aspirations, and makes the rest ridiculous. I detested this kind of man; and all the more because a part of my own nature showed itself responsive to him.
While I was thinking, I clearly heard a distinct laugh from somewhere in the woods below—a laugh that I had previously described as one of the unpleasant traits of Professor Westervelt. It brought my mind back to our recent conversation. I realized that this man's influence was largely responsible for the skeptical and mocking view that had recently clouded my thoughts about life's higher purposes. It was through his perspective, more than my own, that I was seeing Hollingsworth and his grand yet impractical dream, the grounded nobility of Zenobia's character, and even Priscilla, whose ethereal grace balanced precariously between illness and beauty. The true charm of each had disappeared. There are certain environments that inevitably tarnish the high, diminish the pure, and distort the beautiful. It must take an exceptionally strong mind, one that isn’t easily influenced, to engage in such interactions without becoming permanently affected; and yet the Professor's attitude reflected that of society at large, where cold skepticism stifles our spiritual aspirations and renders the rest absurd. I loathed this kind of person even more because a part of me felt an unsettling connection to him.
Voices were now approaching through the region of the wood which lay in the vicinity of my tree. Soon I caught glimpses of two figures—a woman and a man—Zenobia and the stranger—earnestly talking together as they advanced.
Voices were now coming closer through the woods near my tree. Soon, I saw two figures—a woman and a man—Zenobia and the stranger—deep in conversation as they made their way forward.
Zenobia had a rich though varying color. It was, most of the while, a flame, and anon a sudden paleness. Her eyes glowed, so that their light sometimes flashed upward to me, as when the sun throws a dazzle from some bright object on the ground. Her gestures were free, and strikingly impressive. The whole woman was alive with a passionate intensity, which I now perceived to be the phase in which her beauty culminated. Any passion would have become her well; and passionate love, perhaps, the best of all. This was not love, but anger, largely intermixed with scorn. Yet the idea strangely forced itself upon me, that there was a sort of familiarity between these two companions, necessarily the result of an intimate love,—on Zenobia's part, at least,—in days gone by, but which had prolonged itself into as intimate a hatred, for all futurity. As they passed among the trees, reckless as her movement was, she took good heed that even the hem of her garment should not brush against the stranger's person. I wondered whether there had always been a chasm, guarded so religiously, betwixt these two.
Zenobia had a vibrant but fluctuating complexion. Most of the time, it glowed like a flame, but at moments, it would turn pale. Her eyes shone brightly, their light sometimes reflecting up at me, like the way sunlight sparkles off a bright object on the ground. Her movements were natural and strikingly impressive. The entire presence of her was charged with a passionate intensity, which I realized was the peak of her beauty. Any strong emotion suited her well; passionate love might have suited her best. But this was not love; it was anger, mixed heavily with scorn. Still, a strange thought crossed my mind—that there was some kind of familiarity between these two companions, likely born from an intimate love—at least on Zenobia's part—from days long past, which had now twisted into an equally deep hatred for the future. As they walked among the trees, despite her wild movements, she was careful not to let even the hem of her garment touch the stranger. I wondered if there had always been such a carefully guarded divide between them.
As for Westervelt, he was not a whit more warmed by Zenobia's passion than a salamander by the heat of its native furnace. He would have been absolutely statuesque, save for a look of slight perplexity, tinctured strongly with derision. It was a crisis in which his intellectual perceptions could not altogether help him out. He failed to comprehend, and cared but little for comprehending, why Zenobia should put herself into such a fume; but satisfied his mind that it was all folly, and only another shape of a woman's manifold absurdity, which men can never understand. How many a woman's evil fate has yoked her with a man like this! Nature thrusts some of us into the world miserably incomplete on the emotional side, with hardly any sensibilities except what pertain to us as animals. No passion, save of the senses; no holy tenderness, nor the delicacy that results from this. Externally they bear a close resemblance to other men, and have perhaps all save the finest grace; but when a woman wrecks herself on such a being, she ultimately finds that the real womanhood within her has no corresponding part in him. Her deepest voice lacks a response; the deeper her cry, the more dead his silence. The fault may be none of his; he cannot give her what never lived within his soul. But the wretchedness on her side, and the moral deterioration attendant on a false and shallow life, without strength enough to keep itself sweet, are among the most pitiable wrongs that mortals suffer.
As for Westervelt, he was not at all moved by Zenobia's passion, just like a salamander isn't affected by the heat of its own furnace. He would have looked completely like a statue if it weren't for a hint of confusion mixed with mockery on his face. This was a moment when his intellect couldn't fully save him. He didn't understand, and didn't really care to understand, why Zenobia was so worked up; he just decided it was all nonsense, just another example of a woman's many absurdities that men will never get. How often has a woman's unfortunate fate tied her to a man like this! Nature sends some of us into the world incomplete emotionally, with hardly any feelings beyond basic instincts. No passion, except for physical desires; no deep tenderness or the subtlety that comes from it. Externally, they look much like other men and might have almost everything except the finest grace; but when a woman gives herself to such a man, she eventually realizes that the real womanhood inside her has no true connection with him. Her deepest feelings go unanswered; the more she cries out, the more silent he becomes. It might not even be his fault; he can't give her what was never part of his soul. But the misery on her side, and the moral decay that comes from living a false and shallow life, without the strength to remain pure, are some of the most heartbreaking injustices that people endure.
Now, as I looked down from my upper region at this man and woman,—outwardly so fair a sight, and wandering like two lovers in the wood,—I imagined that Zenobia, at an earlier period of youth, might have fallen into the misfortune above indicated. And when her passionate womanhood, as was inevitable, had discovered its mistake, here had ensued the character of eccentricity and defiance which distinguished the more public portion of her life.
Now, as I looked down from my high vantage point at this man and woman—so beautifully matched and moving like two lovers in the woods—I imagined that Zenobia, in her younger years, might have experienced the misfortune I mentioned earlier. And when her passionate womanhood, as was bound to happen, had realized its mistake, it led to the eccentricity and defiance that marked the more public part of her life.
Seeing how aptly matters had chanced thus far, I began to think it the design of fate to let me into all Zenobia's secrets, and that therefore the couple would sit down beneath my tree, and carry on a conversation which would leave me nothing to inquire. No doubt, however, had it so happened, I should have deemed myself honorably bound to warn them of a listener's presence by flinging down a handful of unripe grapes, or by sending an unearthly groan out of my hiding-place, as if this were one of the trees of Dante's ghostly forest. But real life never arranges itself exactly like a romance. In the first place, they did not sit down at all. Secondly, even while they passed beneath the tree, Zenobia's utterance was so hasty and broken, and Westervelt's so cool and low, that I hardly could make out an intelligible sentence on either side. What I seem to remember, I yet suspect, may have been patched together by my fancy, in brooding over the matter afterwards.
Seeing how well things had turned out so far, I started to think it was fate's plan to reveal all of Zenobia's secrets to me, and that the couple would sit down under my tree and have a conversation that would leave me with no questions. No doubt, if that had happened, I would have felt it was my duty to warn them of my presence by dropping a handful of unripe grapes or letting out an eerie groan from my hiding spot, as if this were one of the trees in Dante's ghostly forest. But real life never plays out like a story. First of all, they didn’t sit down at all. Secondly, even as they walked under the tree, Zenobia spoke so quickly and in such fragments, and Westervelt spoke so calmly and quietly, that I could hardly make out a coherent sentence from either of them. What I think I remember, I now suspect might have been created by my imagination while I pondered the situation later.
"Why not fling the girl off," said Westervelt, "and let her go?"
"Why not just throw the girl off," Westervelt said, "and let her go?"
"She clung to me from the first," replied Zenobia. "I neither know nor care what it is in me that so attaches her. But she loves me, and I will not fail her."
"She held on to me from the very beginning," Zenobia replied. "I have no idea and don't really care what it is about me that draws her in. But she loves me, and I won't let her down."
"She will plague you, then," said he, "in more ways than one."
"She'll bother you, then," he said, "in more ways than one."
"The poor child!" exclaimed Zenobia. "She can do me neither good nor harm. How should she?"
"The poor kid!" exclaimed Zenobia. "She can't help me or hurt me. How could she?"
I know not what reply Westervelt whispered; nor did Zenobia's subsequent exclamation give me any clew, except that it evidently inspired her with horror and disgust.
I don’t know what Westervelt whispered; nor did Zenobia's next exclamation give me any clue, except that it clearly filled her with horror and disgust.
"With what kind of a being am I linked?" cried she. "If my Creator cares aught for my soul, let him release me from this miserable bond!"
"What kind of being am I connected to?" she exclaimed. "If my Creator cares at all about my soul, let him free me from this miserable bond!"
"I did not think it weighed so heavily," said her companion..
"I didn't think it weighed so much," her companion said.
"Nevertheless," answered Zenobia, "it will strangle me at last!"
"Still," Zenobia replied, "it's going to suffocate me in the end!"
And then I heard her utter a helpless sort of moan; a sound which, struggling out of the heart of a person of her pride and strength, affected me more than if she had made the wood dolorously vocal with a thousand shrieks and wails.
And then I heard her let out a helpless sort of moan; a sound that, coming from the heart of someone with her pride and strength, moved me more than if she had filled the woods with a thousand cries and wails.
Other mysterious words, besides what are above written, they spoke together; but I understood no more, and even question whether I fairly understood so much as this. By long brooding over our recollections, we subtilize them into something akin to imaginary stuff, and hardly capable of being distinguished from it. In a few moments they were completely beyond ear-shot. A breeze stirred after them, and awoke the leafy tongues of the surrounding trees, which forthwith began to babble, as if innumerable gossips had all at once got wind of Zenobia's secret. But, as the breeze grew stronger, its voice among the branches was as if it said, "Hush! Hush!" and I resolved that to no mortal would I disclose what I had heard. And, though there might be room for casuistry, such, I conceive, is the most equitable rule in all similar conjunctures.
They talked about other mysterious things beyond what I've written here, but I didn't understand much more and I even wonder if I really understood this part. By thinking a lot about our memories, we turn them into something close to imaginary ideas, which are hard to tell apart from real ones. In a few moments, they were completely out of earshot. A breeze followed after them and stirred the leafy branches of the surrounding trees, which started to chatter, as if countless gossips had suddenly learned of Zenobia's secret. But as the breeze got stronger, its sound among the branches seemed to say, "Hush! Hush!" and I decided I wouldn't tell anyone what I had heard. And while there might be room for argument, I believe that's the fairest rule in similar situations.
XIII. ZENOBIA'S LEGEND
The illustrious Society of Blithedale, though it toiled in downright earnest for the good of mankind, yet not unfrequently illuminated its laborious life with an afternoon or evening of pastime. Picnics under the trees were considerably in vogue; and, within doors, fragmentary bits of theatrical performance, such as single acts of tragedy or comedy, or dramatic proverbs and charades. Zenobia, besides, was fond of giving us readings from Shakespeare, and often with a depth of tragic power, or breadth of comic effect, that made one feel it an intolerable wrong to the world that she did not at once go upon the stage. Tableaux vivants were another of our occasional modes of amusement, in which scarlet shawls, old silken robes, ruffs, velvets, furs, and all kinds of miscellaneous trumpery converted our familiar companions into the people of a pictorial world. We had been thus engaged on the evening after the incident narrated in the last chapter. Several splendid works of art—either arranged after engravings from the old masters, or original illustrations of scenes in history or romance—had been presented, and we were earnestly entreating Zenobia for more.
The famous Society of Blithedale, although it worked hard for the benefit of humanity, often brightened its busy life with some afternoon or evening fun. Picnics under the trees were quite popular, and indoors, we enjoyed snippets of theatrical performances, like single acts of tragedy or comedy, as well as dramatic proverbs and charades. Zenobia especially loved reading Shakespeare to us, often delivering such powerful tragic interpretations or broad comedic effects that it felt incredibly unfair to the world that she didn’t pursue a career on stage. We also occasionally entertained ourselves with tableaux vivants, where scarlet shawls, old silken robes, ruffs, velvets, furs, and various other odds and ends transformed our familiar friends into characters from a pictorial world. We had been engaged in this activity on the evening after the event described in the last chapter. Several stunning pieces of art—either arranged from engravings of the old masters or original illustrations of historical or romantic scenes—had been presented, and we were eagerly urging Zenobia for more.
She stood with a meditative air, holding a large piece of gauze, or some such ethereal stuff, as if considering what picture should next occupy the frame; while at her feet lay a heap of many-colored garments, which her quick fancy and magic skill could so easily convert into gorgeous draperies for heroes and princesses.
She stood thoughtfully, holding a large piece of gauze or some kind of delicate fabric, as if she was deciding what picture should fill the frame next; at her feet was a pile of colorful clothes that her imaginative mind and magical talent could effortlessly transform into stunning outfits for heroes and princesses.
"I am getting weary of this," said she, after a moment's thought. "Our own features, and our own figures and airs, show a little too intrusively through all the characters we assume. We have so much familiarity with one another's realities, that we cannot remove ourselves, at pleasure, into an imaginary sphere. Let us have no more pictures to-night; but, to make you what poor amends I can, how would you like to have me trump up a wild, spectral legend, on the spur of the moment?"
"I'm getting tired of this," she said after a moment of thought. "Our own traits, and our own looks and mannerisms, come through a bit too obviously in all the roles we play. We're so familiar with each other's realities that we can't easily escape into an imaginary world. Let's not create any more stories tonight; but to make up for it as best I can, how would you feel about me making up a wild, ghostly tale on the spot?"
Zenobia had the gift of telling a fanciful little story, off-hand, in a way that made it greatly more effective than it was usually found to be when she afterwards elaborated the same production with her pen. Her proposal, therefore, was greeted with acclamation.
Zenobia had a knack for telling a whimsical little story on the spot, making it much more engaging than when she later tried to expand on the same tale in writing. As a result, her suggestion was met with enthusiastic approval.
"Oh, a story, a story, by all means!" cried the young girls. "No matter how marvellous; we will believe it, every word. And let it be a ghost story, if you please."
"Oh, tell us a story, please!" exclaimed the young girls. "It doesn't matter how amazing it is; we'll believe every word. And make it a ghost story, if you can."
"No, not exactly a ghost story," answered Zenobia; "but something so nearly like it that you shall hardly tell the difference. And, Priscilla, stand you before me, where I may look at you, and get my inspiration out of your eyes. They are very deep and dreamy to-night."
"No, it's not exactly a ghost story," Zenobia replied. "But it's so close that you can hardly tell the difference. And, Priscilla, stand in front of me so I can see you and draw my inspiration from your eyes. They look really deep and dreamy tonight."
I know not whether the following version of her story will retain any portion of its pristine character; but, as Zenobia told it wildly and rapidly, hesitating at no extravagance, and dashing at absurdities which I am too timorous to repeat,—giving it the varied emphasis of her inimitable voice, and the pictorial illustration of her mobile face, while through it all we caught the freshest aroma of the thoughts, as they came bubbling out of her mind,—thus narrated, and thus heard, the legend seemed quite a remarkable affair. I scarcely knew, at the time, whether she intended us to laugh or be more seriously impressed. From beginning to end, it was undeniable nonsense, but not necessarily the worse for that.
I’m not sure if the following version of her story will keep any of its original charm, but Zenobia told it wildly and quickly, never hesitating to be extravagant and embracing absurdities that I’m too hesitant to repeat. Her unique voice added varied emphasis, and her expressive face illustrated every point, while we breathed in the fresh essence of her thoughts as they bubbled out of her mind. Told this way and heard this way, the legend felt pretty remarkable. I could hardly tell at the time if she wanted us to laugh or feel more seriously affected. From start to finish, it was undeniably nonsense, but that didn’t necessarily make it any worse.
THE SILVERY VEIL
You have heard, my dear friends, of the Veiled Lady, who grew suddenly so very famous, a few months ago. And have you never thought how remarkable it was that this marvellous creature should vanish, all at once, while her renown was on the increase, before the public had grown weary of her, and when the enigma of her character, instead of being solved, presented itself more mystically at every exhibition? Her last appearance, as you know, was before a crowded audience. The next evening,—although the bills had announced her, at the corner of every street, in red letters of a gigantic size,—there was no Veiled Lady to be seen! Now, listen to my simple little tale, and you shall hear the very latest incident in the known life—(if life it may be called, which seemed to have no more reality than the candle-light image of one's self which peeps at us outside of a dark windowpane)—the life of this shadowy phenomenon.
You’ve heard, my dear friends, about the Veiled Lady who suddenly became so famous a few months ago. Have you ever thought about how remarkable it was that this amazing figure vanished all at once, while her fame was still growing, just when the public hadn’t yet grown tired of her, and when the mystery of her character seemed to deepen with every appearance? As you know, her last show was in front of a packed audience. The very next evening—even though posters advertising her performance were plastered at every street corner in huge red letters—there was no Veiled Lady to be found! Now, listen to my simple little story, and you’ll hear the latest event in the known life—(if it can even be called a life, which seemed to have no more reality than the flickering image of oneself that appears outside a dark window)—the life of this elusive phenomenon.
A party of young gentlemen, you are to understand, were enjoying themselves, one afternoon,—as young gentlemen are sometimes fond of doing,—over a bottle or two of champagne; and, among other ladies less mysterious, the subject of the Veiled Lady, as was very natural, happened to come up before them for discussion. She rose, as it were, with the sparkling effervescence of their wine, and appeared in a more airy and fantastic light on account of the medium through which they saw her. They repeated to one another, between jest and earnest, all the wild stories that were in vogue; nor, I presume, did they hesitate to add any small circumstance that the inventive whim of the moment might suggest, to heighten the marvellousness of their theme.
A group of young men, just to be clear, was having a good time one afternoon—like young men often do—over a couple of bottles of champagne; and, among other less mysterious ladies, the topic of the Veiled Lady naturally came up for discussion. She seemed to rise with the bubbly sparkle of their wine and appeared more whimsical and fantastic because of the way they viewed her. They shared with each other, half joking and half serious, all the wild stories that were popular at the time; and, I imagine, they didn't hesitate to add any little details that their creative minds came up with to make their subject even more intriguing.
"But what an audacious report was that," observed one, "which pretended to assert the identity of this strange creature with a young lady,"—and here he mentioned her name,—"the daughter of one of our most distinguished families!"
"But what a bold report that was," said one, "that claimed this strange creature was actually a young lady,"—and here he mentioned her name,—"the daughter of one of our most prominent families!"
"Ah, there is more in that story than can well be accounted for," remarked another. "I have it on good authority, that the young lady in question is invariably out of sight, and not to be traced, even by her own family, at the hours when the Veiled Lady is before the public; nor can any satisfactory explanation be given of her disappearance. And just look at the thing: Her brother is a young fellow of spirit. He cannot but be aware of these rumors in reference to his sister. Why, then, does he not come forward to defend her character, unless he is conscious that an investigation would only make the matter worse?"
"Hey, there's more to that story than meets the eye," said another person. "I’ve heard from a reliable source that the young lady in question is always out of sight and can’t be found, even by her own family, when the Veiled Lady is in the spotlight; and no satisfactory explanation can be given for her disappearance. Just look at the situation: Her brother is a spirited young man. He must be aware of the rumors about his sister. So why doesn’t he step up to defend her reputation, unless he knows that an investigation would just make things worse?"
It is essential to the purposes of my legend to distinguish one of these young gentlemen from his companions; so, for the sake of a soft and pretty name (such as we of the literary sisterhood invariably bestow upon our heroes), I deem it fit to call him Theodore.
It’s important for my story to set one of these young men apart from his friends; so, to give him a gentle and charming name (like we in the literary world always do for our heroes), I think it’s right to call him Theodore.
"Pshaw!" exclaimed Theodore; "her brother is no such fool! Nobody, unless his brain be as full of bubbles as this wine, can seriously think of crediting that ridiculous rumor. Why, if my senses did not play me false (which never was the case yet), I affirm that I saw that very lady, last evening, at the exhibition, while this veiled phenomenon was playing off her juggling tricks! What can you say to that?"
"Pshaw!" Theodore exclaimed. "Her brother isn’t that foolish! No one, unless they’re as full of hot air as this wine, would seriously believe that crazy rumor. If my senses aren't deceiving me (which they've never done), I swear I saw that same lady last night at the exhibition while this veiled mystery was performing her juggling tricks! What do you have to say about that?"
"Oh, it was a spectral illusion that you saw!" replied his friends, with a general laugh. "The Veiled Lady is quite up to such a thing."
"Oh, it was just a ghostly trick of the light you saw!" his friends laughed together. "The Veiled Lady is totally capable of that."
However, as the above-mentioned fable could not hold its ground against Theodore's downright refutation, they went on to speak of other stories which the wild babble of the town had set afloat. Some upheld that the veil covered the most beautiful countenance in the world; others,—and certainly with more reason, considering the sex of the Veiled Lady,—that the face was the most hideous and horrible, and that this was her sole motive for hiding it. It was the face of a corpse; it was the head of a skeleton; it was a monstrous visage, with snaky locks, like Medusa's, and one great red eye in the centre of the forehead. Again, it was affirmed that there was no single and unchangeable set of features beneath the veil; but that whosoever should be bold enough to lift it would behold the features of that person, in all the world, who was destined to be his fate; perhaps he would be greeted by the tender smile of the woman whom he loved, or, quite as probably, the deadly scowl of his bitterest enemy would throw a blight over his life. They quoted, moreover, this startling explanation of the whole affair: that the magician who exhibited the Veiled Lady—and who, by the bye, was the handsomest man in the whole world—had bartered his own soul for seven years' possession of a familiar fiend, and that the last year of the contract was wearing towards its close.
However, since the earlier fable couldn't hold up against Theodore's outright rebuttal, they started discussing other stories that the town's wild gossip had spread. Some claimed that the veil concealed the most beautiful face in the world; others—as was arguably more reasonable, given the Veiled Lady's gender—said that the face was the most hideous and repulsive, and that was the only reason for hiding it. It was described as the face of a corpse; the head of a skeleton; a monstrous visage with slithery hair like Medusa's, and one big red eye in the middle of the forehead. Moreover, it was asserted that there wasn't a single, unchanging face beneath the veil; whoever dared to lift it would see the features of the person destined to shape their fate—perhaps greeted by the warm smile of the woman they loved, or just as likely greeted by the chilling glare of their greatest enemy that would curse their life. They also mentioned this shocking theory about the whole situation: that the magician who presented the Veiled Lady—and who, by the way, was the most handsome man in the world—had traded his own soul for seven years of companionship with a familiar demon, and that the last year of the deal was coming to an end.
If it were worth our while, I could keep you till an hour beyond midnight listening to a thousand such absurdities as these. But finally our friend Theodore, who prided himself upon his common-sense, found the matter getting quite beyond his patience.
If it were worth our time, I could keep you here until an hour past midnight, listening to a thousand absurd things like these. But in the end, our friend Theodore, who took pride in his common sense, found the situation testing his patience.
"I offer any wager you like," cried he, setting down his glass so forcibly as to break the stem of it, "that this very evening I find out the mystery of the Veiled Lady!"
"I’ll take any bet you want," he shouted, slamming down his glass hard enough to break the stem, "that by tonight I’ll uncover the mystery of the Veiled Lady!"
Young men, I am told, boggle at nothing over their wine; so, after a little more talk, a wager of considerable amount was actually laid, the money staked, and Theodore left to choose his own method of settling the dispute.
Young men, I've heard, aren't shocked by anything when they're drinking; so, after a bit more conversation, they ended up placing a significant bet, the money was put down, and Theodore was left to decide how to resolve the disagreement.
How he managed it I know not, nor is it of any great importance to this veracious legend. The most natural way, to be sure, was by bribing the doorkeeper,—or possibly he preferred clambering in at the window. But, at any rate, that very evening, while the exhibition was going forward in the hall, Theodore contrived to gain admittance into the private withdrawing-room whither the Veiled Lady was accustomed to retire at the close of her performances. There he waited, listening, I suppose, to the stifled hum of the great audience; and no doubt he could distinguish the deep tones of the magician, causing the wonders that he wrought to appear more dark and intricate, by his mystic pretence of an explanation. Perhaps, too, in the intervals of the wild breezy music which accompanied the exhibition, he might hear the low voice of the Veiled Lady, conveying her sibylline responses. Firm as Theodore's nerves might be, and much as he prided himself on his sturdy perception of realities, I should not be surprised if his heart throbbed at a little more than its ordinary rate.
How he managed it, I don't know, and it's not really important to this true story. The most obvious way would have been by bribing the doorkeeper, or maybe he preferred climbing in through the window. But anyway, that very evening, while the exhibition was happening in the hall, Theodore managed to get into the private room where the Veiled Lady usually went after her performances. There he waited, listening, I suppose, to the muffled buzz of the large audience; and no doubt he could hear the deep voice of the magician, making the wonders he created seem more dark and complicated with his mystical explanations. Perhaps, too, during the breaks in the wild, lively music that accompanied the show, he could catch the faint voice of the Veiled Lady, delivering her enigmatic responses. No matter how steady Theodore's nerves were or how much he took pride in his strong grasp of reality, I wouldn't be surprised if his heart was racing a bit faster than usual.
Theodore concealed himself behind a screen. In due time the performance was brought to a close, and whether the door was softly opened, or whether her bodiless presence came through the wall, is more than I can say, but, all at once, without the young man's knowing how it happened, a veiled figure stood in the centre of the room. It was one thing to be in presence of this mystery in the hall of exhibition, where the warm, dense life of hundreds of other mortals kept up the beholder's courage, and distributed her influence among so many; it was another thing to be quite alone with her, and that, too, with a hostile, or, at least, an unauthorized and unjustifiable purpose. I further imagine that Theodore now began to be sensible of something more serious in his enterprise than he had been quite aware of while he sat with his boon-companions over their sparkling wine.
Theodore hid behind a screen. Eventually, the performance came to an end, and whether the door was quietly opened or her presence just appeared through the wall, I can't say. But suddenly, without the young man realizing how it happened, a veiled figure stood in the middle of the room. It was one thing to be in the presence of this mystery in the exhibition hall, where the vibrant energy of hundreds of others gave the viewer courage and spread her influence among so many; it was another thing entirely to be completely alone with her, especially with a hostile, or at the very least, an unauthorized and unjustifiable purpose. I also think that Theodore started to feel that there was something more serious about his mission than he had realized while he sat with his friends over their sparkling wine.
Very strange, it must be confessed, was the movement with which the figure floated to and fro over the carpet, with the silvery veil covering her from head to foot; so impalpable, so ethereal, so without substance, as the texture seemed, yet hiding her every outline in an impenetrability like that of midnight. Surely, she did not walk! She floated, and flitted, and hovered about the room; no sound of a footstep, no perceptible motion of a limb; it was as if a wandering breeze wafted her before it, at its own wild and gentle pleasure. But, by and by, a purpose began to be discernible, throughout the seeming vagueness of her unrest. She was in quest of something. Could it be that a subtile presentiment had informed her of the young man's presence? And if so, did the Veiled Lady seek or did she shun him? The doubt in Theodore's mind was speedily resolved; for, after a moment or two of these erratic flutterings, she advanced more decidedly, and stood motionless before the screen.
Very strange, it must be said, was the way the figure moved to and fro over the carpet, covered in a silvery veil from head to toe; so light, so ethereal, so lacking in substance did it seem, yet it concealed her every outline in a darkness like that of midnight. Surely, she didn’t walk! She floated, flitted, and hovered around the room; there was no sound of footsteps, no visible movement of limbs; it was as if a wandering breeze carried her along at its own wild and gentle whim. But soon, a purpose started to become clear amidst her seemingly aimless movements. She was searching for something. Could it be that an instinctive feeling led her to the young man's presence? And if so, did the Veiled Lady wish to find him or avoid him? Theodore’s uncertainty was quickly resolved; for, after a moment or two of her erratic movements, she stepped forward more determinedly and stood still before the screen.
"Thou art here!" said a soft, low voice. "Come forth, Theodore!" Thus summoned by his name, Theodore, as a man of courage, had no choice. He emerged from his concealment, and presented himself before the Veiled Lady, with the wine-flush, it may be, quite gone out of his cheeks.
"You're here!" said a soft, quiet voice. "Come out, Theodore!" Called by his name, Theodore, being a man of courage, had no choice. He stepped out from his hiding place and presented himself before the Veiled Lady, his face likely drained of color.
"What wouldst thou with me?" she inquired, with the same gentle composure that was in her former utterance.
"What do you want with me?" she asked, with the same calm composure that was in her previous words.
"Mysterious creature," replied Theodore, "I would know who and what you are!"
"Mysterious creature," Theodore replied, "I want to know who you are and what you are!"
"My lips are forbidden to betray the secret," said the Veiled Lady.
"My lips can’t reveal the secret," said the Veiled Lady.
"At whatever risk, I must discover it," rejoined Theodore.
"Whatever the risk, I have to find out," replied Theodore.
"Then," said the Mystery, "there is no way save to lift my veil."
"Then," said the Mystery, "there's no other option but to lift my veil."
And Theodore, partly recovering his audacity, stept forward on the instant, to do as the Veiled Lady had suggested. But she floated backward to the opposite side of the room, as if the young man's breath had possessed power enough to waft her away.
And Theodore, regaining some of his confidence, stepped forward immediately to do what the Veiled Lady had suggested. But she glided back to the other side of the room, as if the young man's breath had the force to carry her away.
"Pause, one little instant," said the soft, low voice, "and learn the conditions of what thou art so bold to undertake. Thou canst go hence, and think of me no more; or, at thy option, thou canst lift this mysterious veil, beneath which I am a sad and lonely prisoner, in a bondage which is worse to me than death. But, before raising it, I entreat thee, in all maiden modesty, to bend forward and impress a kiss where my breath stirs the veil; and my virgin lips shall come forward to meet thy lips; and from that instant, Theodore, thou shalt be mine, and I thine, with never more a veil between us. And all the felicity of earth and of the future world shall be thine and mine together. So much may a maiden say behind the veil. If thou shrinkest from this, there is yet another way." "And what is that?" asked Theodore. "Dost thou hesitate," said the Veiled Lady, "to pledge thyself to me, by meeting these lips of mine, while the veil yet hides my face? Has not thy heart recognized me? Dost thou come hither, not in holy faith, nor with a pure and generous purpose, but in scornful scepticism and idle curiosity? Still, thou mayest lift the veil! But, from that instant, Theodore, I am doomed to be thy evil fate; nor wilt thou ever taste another breath of happiness!"
"Wait just a moment," said the soft, low voice, "and understand the conditions of what you're so boldly trying to do. You can leave now and forget about me, or, if you choose, you can lift this mysterious veil, under which I am a sad and lonely captive, in a bondage worse than death for me. But before you do, I beg you, with all the modesty of a maiden, to lean forward and kiss where my breath touches the veil; my virgin lips will then come forward to meet yours; and from that moment on, Theodore, you'll be mine, and I’ll be yours, with no more veil between us. All the happiness of this world and the next will be ours together. That's all a maiden can say from behind the veil. If you shy away from this, there’s still another option." "And what is that?" Theodore asked. "Do you hesitate," said the Veiled Lady, "to commit to me by kissing these lips of mine while the veil still hides my face? Hasn't your heart recognized me? Did you come here without holy faith or a pure and generous intention, but instead with disdainful skepticism and idle curiosity? Still, you can lift the veil! But from that moment on, Theodore, I am destined to be your misfortune; you will never experience another moment of happiness!"
There was a shade of inexpressible sadness in the utterance of these last words. But Theodore, whose natural tendency was towards scepticism, felt himself almost injured and insulted by the Veiled Lady's proposal that he should pledge himself, for life and eternity, to so questionable a creature as herself; or even that she should suggest an inconsequential kiss, taking into view the probability that her face was none of the most bewitching. A delightful idea, truly, that he should salute the lips of a dead girl, or the jaws of a skeleton, or the grinning cavity of a monster's mouth! Even should she prove a comely maiden enough in other respects, the odds were ten to one that her teeth were defective; a terrible drawback on the delectableness of a kiss.
There was a hint of indescribable sadness in the way these last words were spoken. But Theodore, whose natural inclination was to be skeptical, felt almost hurt and insulted by the Veiled Lady's suggestion that he should commit himself, for life and eternity, to such a questionable being as her; or even that she would propose an unimportant kiss, especially considering the likelihood that her face was far from enchanting. What a delightful thought, indeed, that he should kiss the lips of a dead girl, or the jaws of a skeleton, or the grinning cavity of a monster's mouth! Even if she turned out to be attractive in other ways, the odds were stacked against her, and it was likely her teeth were flawed; a serious downside to the appeal of a kiss.
"Excuse me, fair lady," said Theodore, and I think he nearly burst into a laugh, "if I prefer to lift the veil first; and for this affair of the kiss, we may decide upon it afterwards."
"Excuse me, ma'am," said Theodore, and I think he almost laughed, "if I’d rather lift the veil first; and we can decide on the kiss later."
"Thou hast made thy choice," said the sweet, sad voice behind the veil; and there seemed a tender but unresentful sense of wrong done to womanhood by the young man's contemptuous interpretation of her offer. "I must not counsel thee to pause, although thy fate is still in thine own hand!"
"You've made your choice," said the sweet, sad voice behind the veil; and there was a gentle yet understanding feeling of wrong done to womanhood by the young man's dismissive take on her offer. "I can't advise you to stop, even though your fate is still in your own hands!"
Grasping at the veil, he flung it upward, and caught a glimpse of a pale, lovely face beneath; just one momentary glimpse, and then the apparition vanished, and the silvery veil fluttered slowly down and lay upon the floor. Theodore was alone. Our legend leaves him there. His retribution was, to pine forever and ever for another sight of that dim, mournful face,—which might have been his life-long household fireside joy,—to desire, and waste life in a feverish quest, and never meet it more.
Grabbing the veil, he tossed it up and caught a quick look at a pale, beautiful face underneath; just a fleeting glance, and then the figure disappeared, leaving the silvery veil to drift down and settle on the floor. Theodore was alone. Our story leaves him there. His punishment was to long endlessly for another glimpse of that faint, sorrowful face—which could have been his lifelong source of happiness— yearn for it, waste his life in a frantic search, and never see it again.
But what, in good sooth, had become of the Veiled Lady? Had all her existence been comprehended within that mysterious veil, and was she now annihilated? Or was she a spirit, with a heavenly essence, but which might have been tamed down to human bliss, had Theodore been brave and true enough to claim her? Hearken, my sweet friends,—and hearken, dear Priscilla,—and you shall learn the little more that Zenobia can tell you.
But what, really, happened to the Veiled Lady? Had her entire existence been wrapped up in that mysterious veil, and was she now lost? Or was she a spirit with a divine essence that could have been made accessible to human happiness, if only Theodore had been brave and honest enough to pursue her? Listen, my dear friends—and listen, dear Priscilla—and you'll find out the little bit more that Zenobia can share with you.
Just at the moment, so far as can be ascertained, when the Veiled Lady vanished, a maiden, pale and shadowy, rose up amid a knot of visionary people, who were seeking for the better life. She was so gentle and so sad,—a nameless melancholy gave her such hold upon their sympathies,—that they never thought of questioning whence she came. She might have heretofore existed, or her thin substance might have been moulded out of air at the very instant when they first beheld her. It was all one to them; they took her to their hearts. Among them was a lady to whom, more than to all the rest, this pale, mysterious girl attached herself.
Just at the moment, as far as anyone could tell, when the Veiled Lady disappeared, a pale and shadowy young woman appeared among a group of idealistic people searching for a better life. She was so gentle and so sad—a nameless sadness gave her such an impact on their feelings—that they never thought to question where she came from. She might have existed before, or her delicate form might have been created from air the very instant they first saw her. It didn’t matter to them; they welcomed her into their hearts. Among them was a woman to whom, more than anyone else, this pale, mysterious girl felt a strong connection.
But one morning the lady was wandering in the woods, and there met her a figure in an Oriental robe, with a dark beard, and holding in his hand a silvery veil. He motioned her to stay. Being a woman of some nerve, she did not shriek, nor run away, nor faint, as many ladies would have been apt to do, but stood quietly, and bade him speak. The truth was, she had seen his face before, but had never feared it, although she knew him to be a terrible magician.
But one morning, the woman was exploring the woods and came across a figure in an Eastern robe, with a dark beard, holding a silvery veil in his hand. He signaled for her to stay. Being somewhat bold, she didn’t scream, run away, or faint like many women might have done; instead, she stood calmly and told him to speak. The truth was, she had seen his face before, but had never been afraid of it, even though she knew he was a powerful magician.
"Lady," said he, with a warning gesture, "you are in peril!" "Peril!" she exclaimed. "And of what nature?"
"Lady," he said, gesturing for her to be cautious, "you're in danger!" "Danger!" she exclaimed. "What kind of danger?"
"There is a certain maiden," replied the magician, "who has come out of the realm of mystery, and made herself your most intimate companion. Now, the fates have so ordained it, that, whether by her own will or no, this stranger is your deadliest enemy. In love, in worldly fortune, in all your pursuit of happiness, she is doomed to fling a blight over your prospects. There is but one possibility of thwarting her disastrous influence."
"There’s a young woman," the magician replied, "who has emerged from a mysterious place and become your closest friend. Now, fate has dictated that, whether she wants to or not, this stranger is your fiercest enemy. In love, in success, and in all your quests for happiness, she is destined to ruin your chances. There’s only one way to stop her harmful impact."
"Then tell me that one method," said the lady.
"Then tell me that one way," said the woman.
"Take this veil," he answered, holding forth the silvery texture. "It is a spell; it is a powerful enchantment, which I wrought for her sake, and beneath which she was once my prisoner. Throw it, at unawares, over the head of this secret foe, stamp your foot, and cry, 'Arise, Magician! Here is the Veiled Lady!' and immediately I will rise up through the earth, and seize her; and from that moment you are safe!"
"Take this veil," he said, holding out the silvery material. "It's a spell; a powerful enchantment that I created for her, and under which she was once my captive. Just throw it unexpectedly over the head of this secret enemy, stomp your foot, and shout, 'Arise, Magician! Here is the Veiled Lady!' and I will immediately rise up from the ground and capture her; from that moment on, you'll be safe!"
So the lady took the silvery veil, which was like woven air, or like some substance airier than nothing, and that would float upward and be lost among the clouds, were she once to let it go. Returning homeward, she found the shadowy girl amid the knot of visionary transcendentalists, who were still seeking for the better life. She was joyous now, and had a rose-bloom in her cheeks, and was one of the prettiest creatures, and seemed one of the happiest, that the world could show. But the lady stole noiselessly behind her and threw the veil over her head. As the slight, ethereal texture sank inevitably down over her figure, the poor girl strove to raise it, and met her dear friend's eyes with one glance of mortal terror, and deep, deep reproach. It could not change her purpose.
So the lady took the silky veil, which felt like woven air, or something even lighter than nothing, and would float up and get lost in the clouds if she ever let it go. On her way home, she found the shadowy girl among the group of visionary transcendentalists, who were still searching for a better life. She was now joyful, with a rosy glow in her cheeks, and looked like one of the prettiest and happiest people in the world. But the lady quietly slipped up behind her and draped the veil over her head. As the light, airy fabric slid down over her figure, the poor girl tried to lift it off and met her dear friend's gaze with a look of sheer terror and deep reproach. It wouldn’t change her mind.
"Arise, Magician!" she exclaimed, stamping her foot upon the earth. "Here is the Veiled Lady!"
"Get up, Magician!" she shouted, stomping her foot on the ground. "Here comes the Veiled Lady!"
At the word, up rose the bearded man in the Oriental robes,—the beautiful, the dark magician, who had bartered away his soul! He threw his arms around the Veiled Lady, and she was his bond-slave for evermore!
At the command, the bearded man in the Eastern robes stood up—the stunning, dark magician who had sold his soul! He wrapped his arms around the Veiled Lady, and she was his bound servant forever!
Zenobia, all this while, had been holding the piece of gauze, and so managed it as greatly to increase the dramatic effect of the legend at those points where the magic veil was to be described. Arriving at the catastrophe, and uttering the fatal words, she flung the gauze over Priscilla's head; and for an instant her auditors held their breath, half expecting, I verily believe, that the magician would start up through the floor, and carry off our poor little friend before our eyes.
Zenobia had been holding the piece of gauze the whole time, which really heightened the dramatic effect of the story at those moments when the magic veil was about to be revealed. When she reached the climax and spoke the fateful words, she threw the gauze over Priscilla's head; and for a moment, her audience held their breath, half expecting, I truly believe, that the magician would suddenly appear from the floor and take our poor little friend away right in front of us.
As for Priscilla, she stood droopingly in the midst of us, making no attempt to remove the veil.
As for Priscilla, she stood there slumped among us, making no effort to take off the veil.
"How do you find yourself, my love?" said Zenobia, lifting a corner of the gauze, and peeping beneath it with a mischievous smile. "Ah, the dear little soul! Why, she is really going to faint! Mr. Coverdale, Mr. Coverdale, pray bring a glass of water!"
"How are you doing, my love?" Zenobia said, lifting a corner of the gauze and peeking underneath it with a playful smile. "Oh, the poor little thing! She's really about to faint! Mr. Coverdale, Mr. Coverdale, please bring a glass of water!"
Her nerves being none of the strongest, Priscilla hardly recovered her equanimity during the rest of the evening. This, to be sure, was a great pity; but, nevertheless, we thought it a very bright idea of Zenobia's to bring her legend to so effective a conclusion.
Her nerves weren't the strongest, so Priscilla barely regained her composure for the rest of the evening. This was definitely a shame; however, we still found it a brilliant idea of Zenobia's to wrap her legend up in such an impactful way.
XIV. ELIOT'S PULPIT
Our Sundays at Blithedale were not ordinarily kept with such rigid observance as might have befitted the descendants of the Pilgrims, whose high enterprise, as we sometimes flattered ourselves, we had taken up, and were carrying it onward and aloft, to a point which they never dreamed of attaining.
Our Sundays at Blithedale weren't usually observed with the strictness you might expect from the descendants of the Pilgrims, whose great mission, as we sometimes convinced ourselves, we had picked up and were advancing to a level they never imagined reaching.
On that hallowed day, it is true, we rested from our labors. Our oxen, relieved from their week-day yoke, roamed at large through the pasture; each yoke-fellow, however, keeping close beside his mate, and continuing to acknowledge, from the force of habit and sluggish sympathy, the union which the taskmaster had imposed for his own hard ends. As for us human yoke-fellows, chosen companions of toil, whose hoes had clinked together throughout the week, we wandered off, in various directions, to enjoy our interval of repose. Some, I believe, went devoutly to the village church. Others, it may be, ascended a city or a country pulpit, wearing the clerical robe with so much dignity that you would scarcely have suspected the yeoman's frock to have been flung off only since milking-time. Others took long rambles among the rustic lanes and by-paths, pausing to look at black old farmhouses, with their sloping roofs; and at the modern cottage, so like a plaything that it seemed as if real joy or sorrow could have no scope within; and at the more pretending villa, with its range of wooden columns supporting the needless insolence of a great portico. Some betook themselves into the wide, dusky barn, and lay there for hours together on the odorous hay; while the sunstreaks and the shadows strove together,—these to make the barn solemn, those to make it cheerful,—and both were conquerors; and the swallows twittered a cheery anthem, flashing into sight, or vanishing as they darted to and fro among the golden rules of sunshine. And others went a little way into the woods, and threw themselves on mother earth, pillowing their heads on a heap of moss, the green decay of an old log; and, dropping asleep, the bumblebees and mosquitoes sung and buzzed about their ears, causing the slumberers to twitch and start, without awaking.
On that special day, it’s true, we took a break from our work. Our oxen, free from their weekday tasks, roamed freely in the pasture; each ox, however, stuck close to its partner, continuing to recognize, out of habit and a shared bond, the connection that the overseer had forced upon them for his own purposes. As for us humans, chosen companions of labor, whose hoes had clinked together all week, we scattered in different directions to enjoy our time off. Some, I think, went to the village church to worship. Others might have taken to a city or country pulpit, wearing their clerical robes with such dignity that you would hardly guess they had only just changed out of their working clothes. Some took long walks along the quiet lanes and paths, stopping to admire old black farmhouses with their sloping roofs; the modern cottage, so small it seemed like a toy where real joy or sorrow could never exist; and the fancier villa, with its wooden columns holding up the unnecessary grandeur of a large porch. Some went to the wide, dim barn and lay there for hours on the fragrant hay; while the sunbeams and shadows fought for dominance—some making the barn feel serious, others making it feel light—and both succeeded; and the swallows chirped a happy tune as they zipped in and out among the golden patches of sunlight. Others wandered a little way into the woods and flopped down on the ground, resting their heads on a soft bed of moss or the green decay of an old log; and, as they fell asleep, bumblebees and mosquitoes buzzed around their ears, causing the sleepers to twitch and jerk, but never waking them.
With Hollingsworth, Zenobia, Priscilla, and myself, it grew to be a custom to spend the Sabbath afternoon at a certain rock. It was known to us under the name of Eliot's pulpit, from a tradition that the venerable Apostle Eliot had preached there, two centuries gone by, to an Indian auditory. The old pine forest, through which the Apostle's voice was wont to sound, had fallen an immemorial time ago. But the soil, being of the rudest and most broken surface, had apparently never been brought under tillage; other growths, maple and beech and birch, had succeeded to the primeval trees; so that it was still as wild a tract of woodland as the great-great-great-great grandson of one of Eliot's Indians (had any such posterity been in existence) could have desired for the site and shelter of his wigwam. These after-growths, indeed, lose the stately solemnity of the original forest. If left in due neglect, however, they run into an entanglement of softer wildness, among the rustling leaves of which the sun can scatter cheerfulness as it never could among the dark-browed pines.
With Hollingsworth, Zenobia, Priscilla, and me, it became a tradition to spend Sunday afternoons at a certain rock. We called it Eliot's pulpit, based on the legend that the revered Apostle Eliot preached there two centuries ago to a crowd of Native Americans. The old pine forest where the Apostle's voice once echoed had long since disappeared. However, the soil, being uneven and rugged, had seemingly never been farmed; other trees like maple, beech, and birch had taken the place of the original ones, making it still as wild a piece of woodland as the great-great-great-great-grandson of one of Eliot's Indians (if such descendants ever existed) could have wanted for his wigwam's site and shelter. These newer trees do lack the majestic solemnity of the original forest. Yet, if left undisturbed, they form an entanglement of softer wilderness, where the sun can spread joy like it never could among the dark pines.
The rock itself rose some twenty or thirty feet, a shattered granite bowlder, or heap of bowlders, with an irregular outline and many fissures, out of which sprang shrubs, bushes, and even trees; as if the scanty soil within those crevices were sweeter to their roots than any other earth. At the base of the pulpit, the broken bowlders inclined towards each other, so as to form a shallow cave, within which our little party had sometimes found protection from a summer shower. On the threshold, or just across it, grew a tuft of pale columbines, in their season, and violets, sad and shadowy recluses, such as Priscilla was when we first knew her; children of the sun, who had never seen their father, but dwelt among damp mosses, though not akin to them. At the summit, the rock was overshadowed by the canopy of a birch-tree, which served as a sounding-board for the pulpit. Beneath this shade (with my eyes of sense half shut and those of the imagination widely opened) I used to see the holy Apostle of the Indians, with the sunlight flickering down upon him through the leaves, and glorifying his figure as with the half-perceptible glow of a transfiguration.
The rock itself rose about twenty or thirty feet, a cracked granite boulder, or a pile of boulders, with a jagged shape and many gaps, out of which grew shrubs, bushes, and even trees; as if the limited soil in those crevices was more nourishing to their roots than any other earth. At the base of the pulpit, the broken boulders leaned towards each other, forming a shallow cave where our small group had sometimes found shelter from a summer rain. On the threshold, or just over it, grew a cluster of pale columbines in their season, along with violets, quiet and shadowy hermits, much like Priscilla when we first met her; children of the sun, who had never seen their father, yet lived among damp mosses, though not like them. At the top, the rock was shaded by the canopy of a birch tree, which acted as a sounding board for the pulpit. Under this shade (with my physical eyes half closed and my imaginative ones wide open) I used to see the holy Apostle of the Indians, with sunlight flickering down on him through the leaves, illuminating his figure as if with the subtle glow of a transfiguration.
I the more minutely describe the rock, and this little Sabbath solitude, because Hollingsworth, at our solicitation, often ascended Eliot's pulpit, and not exactly preached, but talked to us, his few disciples, in a strain that rose and fell as naturally as the wind's breath among the leaves of the birch-tree. No other speech of man has ever moved me like some of those discourses. It seemed most pitiful—a positive calamity to the world—that a treasury of golden thoughts should thus be scattered, by the liberal handful, down among us three, when a thousand hearers might have been the richer for them; and Hollingsworth the richer, likewise, by the sympathy of multitudes. After speaking much or little, as might happen, he would descend from his gray pulpit, and generally fling himself at full length on the ground, face downward. Meanwhile, we talked around him on such topics as were suggested by the discourse.
I describe the rock and this little Sunday solitude in detail because Hollingsworth, at our request, often climbed Eliot's pulpit. He didn’t exactly preach but spoke to us, his small group of followers, in a way that flowed naturally, like the wind rustling through the leaves of the birch tree. No other speech from anyone has ever affected me like some of those talks. It felt so tragic—a real loss for the world—that a treasure of golden thoughts was spread so freely among just the three of us when a thousand listeners could have benefited from them, and Hollingsworth could have gained the support of many. After speaking however much he chose, he would step down from his gray pulpit and usually throw himself down on the ground, face first. Meanwhile, we would discuss topics that came up from his talk.
Since her interview with Westervelt, Zenobia's continual inequalities of temper had been rather difficult for her friends to bear. On the first Sunday after that incident, when Hollingsworth had clambered down from Eliot's pulpit, she declaimed with great earnestness and passion, nothing short of anger, on the injustice which the world did to women, and equally to itself, by not allowing them, in freedom and honor, and with the fullest welcome, their natural utterance in public.
Since her interview with Westervelt, Zenobia's ongoing mood swings had been quite hard for her friends to handle. On the first Sunday after that event, when Hollingsworth climbed down from Eliot's pulpit, she spoke with intense earnestness and passion, verging on anger, about the injustice the world inflicts on women and on itself by not allowing them, in freedom and dignity, and with a warm welcome, to express themselves openly in public.
"It shall not always be so!" cried she. "If I live another year, I will lift up my own voice in behalf of woman's wider liberty!"
"It won't always be like this!" she shouted. "If I live for another year, I will raise my own voice for women's broader freedom!"
She perhaps saw me smile.
She might have seen me smile.
"What matter of ridicule do you find in this, Miles Coverdale?" exclaimed Zenobia, with a flash of anger in her eyes. "That smile, permit me to say, makes me suspicious of a low tone of feeling and shallow thought. It is my belief—yes, and my prophecy, should I die before it happens—that, when my sex shall achieve its rights, there will be ten eloquent women where there is now one eloquent man. Thus far, no woman in the world has ever once spoken out her whole heart and her whole mind. The mistrust and disapproval of the vast bulk of society throttles us, as with two gigantic hands at our throats! We mumble a few weak words, and leave a thousand better ones unsaid. You let us write a little, it is true, on a limited range of subjects. But the pen is not for woman. Her power is too natural and immediate. It is with the living voice alone that she can compel the world to recognize the light of her intellect and the depth of her heart!"
"What do you find amusing about this, Miles Coverdale?" Zenobia exclaimed, her eyes flashing with anger. "That smile, if I may say so, makes me suspicious of shallow feelings and thoughts. I believe—and this is my prediction, in case I die before it comes true—that when women finally gain their rights, there will be ten eloquent women for every one eloquent man. So far, no woman in the world has ever truly expressed her entire heart and mind. The distrust and disapproval of society choke us, like two gigantic hands around our throats! We manage to say a few weak words, leaving a thousand better ones unspoken. You allow us to write a bit, it's true, but only on a limited range of topics. But the pen is not for women. Their power is too natural and immediate. It's only with the living voice that they can make the world see the brilliance of their intellect and the depth of their hearts!"
Now,—though I could not well say so to Zenobia,—I had not smiled from any unworthy estimate of woman, or in denial of the claims which she is beginning to put forth. What amused and puzzled me was the fact, that women, however intellectually superior, so seldom disquiet themselves about the rights or wrongs of their sex, unless their own individual affections chance to lie in idleness, or to be ill at ease. They are not natural reformers, but become such by the pressure of exceptional misfortune. I could measure Zenobia's inward trouble by the animosity with which she now took up the general quarrel of woman against man.
Now—even though I couldn't exactly say this to Zenobia—I hadn’t smiled because I underestimated women or denied the claims they’re starting to make. What amused and puzzled me was that women, no matter how intellectually advanced, rarely seem to concern themselves with the rights or wrongs of their gender unless their own feelings happen to be neglected or troubled. They're not born reformers but become that way due to extraordinary misfortune. I could gauge Zenobia's inner turmoil by the intense anger with which she now engaged in the broader struggle of women against men.
"I will give you leave, Zenobia," replied I, "to fling your utmost scorn upon me, if you ever hear me utter a sentiment unfavorable to the widest liberty which woman has yet dreamed of. I would give her all she asks, and add a great deal more, which she will not be the party to demand, but which men, if they were generous and wise, would grant of their own free motion. For instance, I should love dearly—for the next thousand years, at least—to have all government devolve into the hands of women. I hate to be ruled by my own sex; it excites my jealousy, and wounds my pride. It is the iron sway of bodily force which abases us, in our compelled submission. But how sweet the free, generous courtesy with which I would kneel before a woman-ruler!"
"I'll let you throw your worst scorn at me, Zenobia," I said, "if you ever hear me say anything against the greatest freedom a woman has ever imagined. I'd give her everything she wants and even more, which she wouldn’t ask for, but which men, if they were generous and wise, would offer on their own. For example, I would absolutely love—for at least the next thousand years—to have all government handed over to women. I can’t stand being ruled by my own gender; it makes me jealous and hurts my pride. It's the harsh control of physical power that belittles us in our forced submission. But how wonderful the free, kind respect with which I would kneel before a woman leader!"
"Yes, if she were young and beautiful," said Zenobia, laughing. "But how if she were sixty, and a fright?"
"Yes, if she were young and beautiful," Zenobia said, laughing. "But what if she were sixty and ugly?"
"Ah! it is you that rate womanhood low," said I. "But let me go on. I have never found it possible to suffer a bearded priest so near my heart and conscience as to do me any spiritual good. I blush at the very thought! Oh, in the better order of things, Heaven grant that the ministry of souls may be left in charge of women! The gates of the Blessed City will be thronged with the multitude that enter in, when that day comes! The task belongs to woman. God meant it for her. He has endowed her with the religious sentiment in its utmost depth and purity, refined from that gross, intellectual alloy with which every masculine theologist—save only One, who merely veiled himself in mortal and masculine shape, but was, in truth, divine—has been prone to mingle it. I have always envied the Catholics their faith in that sweet, sacred Virgin Mother, who stands between them and the Deity, intercepting somewhat of his awful splendor, but permitting his love to stream upon the worshipper more intelligibly to human comprehension through the medium of a woman's tenderness. Have I not said enough, Zenobia?"
"Ah! It’s you who undervalue womanhood," I said. "But let me continue. I’ve never been able to feel any spiritual benefit from a bearded priest being so close to my heart and conscience. I cringe at the mere thought! Oh, in a better world, may the ministry of souls be entrusted to women! The gates of the Blessed City will be crowded with those who enter when that day arrives! This is a task meant for women. God intended it for her. He has given her the deepest and purest spiritual sentiment, free from the crude, intellectual mix that every male theologian—except for One, who only donned a human and masculine form while being truly divine—has been prone to add. I have always envied Catholics their faith in that sweet, sacred Virgin Mother, who stands between them and the Deity, softening some of His overwhelming brilliance while allowing His love to shine upon the worshipper in a way that’s more understandable through a woman’s tenderness. Haven’t I said enough, Zenobia?"
"I cannot think that this is true," observed Priscilla, who had been gazing at me with great, disapproving eyes. "And I am sure I do not wish it to be true!"
"I can't believe this is true," Priscilla said, looking at me with disapproving eyes. "And I'm definitely sure I don't want it to be true!"
"Poor child!" exclaimed Zenobia, rather contemptuously. "She is the type of womanhood, such as man has spent centuries in making it. He is never content unless he can degrade himself by stooping towards what he loves. In denying us our rights, he betrays even more blindness to his own interests than profligate disregard of ours!"
"Poor kid!" Zenobia said with a hint of disdain. "She's the kind of woman that men have spent centuries shaping. They're never satisfied unless they lower themselves for what they love. By denying us our rights, they show even more ignorance of their own interests than a reckless disregard for ours!"
"Is this true?" asked Priscilla with simplicity, turning to Hollingsworth. "Is it all true, that Mr. Coverdale and Zenobia have been saying?"
"Is this true?" Priscilla asked plainly, looking at Hollingsworth. "Is everything Mr. Coverdale and Zenobia have been saying really true?"
"No, Priscilla!" answered Hollingsworth with his customary bluntness. "They have neither of them spoken one true word yet."
"No, Priscilla!" Hollingsworth replied with his usual straightforwardness. "Neither of them has said anything true so far."
"Do you despise woman?" said Zenobia.
"Do you hate women?" Zenobia asked.
"Ah, Hollingsworth, that would be most ungrateful!"
"Wow, Hollingsworth, that would be so ungrateful!"
"Despise her? No!" cried Hollingsworth, lifting his great shaggy head and shaking it at us, while his eyes glowed almost fiercely. "She is the most admirable handiwork of God, in her true place and character. Her place is at man's side. Her office, that of the sympathizer; the unreserved, unquestioning believer; the recognition, withheld in every other manner, but given, in pity, through woman's heart, lest man should utterly lose faith in himself; the echo of God's own voice, pronouncing, 'It is well done!' All the separate action of woman is, and ever has been, and always shall be, false, foolish, vain, destructive of her own best and holiest qualities, void of every good effect, and productive of intolerable mischiefs! Man is a wretch without woman; but woman is a monster—and, thank Heaven, an almost impossible and hitherto imaginary monster—without man as her acknowledged principal! As true as I had once a mother whom I loved, were there any possible prospect of woman's taking the social stand which some of them,—poor, miserable, abortive creatures, who only dream of such things because they have missed woman's peculiar happiness, or because nature made them really neither man nor woman!—if there were a chance of their attaining the end which these petticoated monstrosities have in view, I would call upon my own sex to use its physical force, that unmistakable evidence of sovereignty, to scourge them back within their proper bounds! But it will not be needful. The heart of time womanhood knows where its own sphere is, and never seeks to stray beyond it!"
"Dislike her? No!" shouted Hollingsworth, lifting his big, shaggy head and shaking it at us, while his eyes burned almost fiercely. "She is the most amazing creation of God, in her true role and character. Her place is by a man's side. Her role is to be the supporter; the unreserved, unquestioning believer; the recognition withheld in every other way but given, in compassion, through a woman's heart, so that a man doesn’t completely lose faith in himself; the echo of God's own voice, saying, 'Well done!' Every action taken separately by a woman is, and always has been, and always will be, false, foolish, vain, harmful to her own best and holiest qualities, lacking any good effect, and causing unbearable troubles! A man is miserable without a woman; but a woman is a monster—and thank goodness, an almost impossible and so far imaginary monster—without a man as her recognized counterpart! As true as I once had a mother whom I loved, if there were any chance of women taking the social role that some of them—poor, miserable, failed beings, who only dream of such things because they’ve missed out on a woman’s true happiness, or because nature made them truly neither man nor woman!—if there were a chance of their achieving the goal that these ridiculous creatures have in mind, I would call on my own gender to use its physical strength, that undeniable mark of dominance, to force them back within their rightful limits! But it won't be necessary. The essence of true womanhood knows where its own sphere is, and never tries to stray beyond it!"
Never was mortal blessed—if blessing it were—with a glance of such entire acquiescence and unquestioning faith, happy in its completeness, as our little Priscilla unconsciously bestowed on Hollingsworth. She seemed to take the sentiment from his lips into her heart, and brood over it in perfect content. The very woman whom he pictured—the gentle parasite, the soft reflection of a more powerful existence—sat there at his feet.
Never has anyone been so blessed—if that's even a blessing—with a look of such total acceptance and unwavering faith, so happy in its fullness, as our little Priscilla unconsciously gave to Hollingsworth. She seemed to take the feeling from his lips into her heart and dwell on it in perfect satisfaction. The very woman he envisioned—the gentle nurturer, the soft reflection of a stronger presence—was sitting right there at his feet.
I looked at Zenobia, however, fully expecting her to resent—as I felt, by the indignant ebullition of my own blood, that she ought this outrageous affirmation of what struck me as the intensity of masculine egotism. It centred everything in itself, and deprived woman of her very soul, her inexpressible and unfathomable all, to make it a mere incident in the great sum of man. Hollingsworth had boldly uttered what he, and millions of despots like him, really felt. Without intending it, he had disclosed the wellspring of all these troubled waters. Now, if ever, it surely behooved Zenobia to be the champion of her sex.
I looked at Zenobia, fully expecting her to be upset—just like I was, feeling the anger bubbling up in my blood—about this outrageous claim that struck me as the extreme of male egotism. It centered everything around itself and robbed women of their very essence, their profound and unfathomable everything, reducing it to a mere footnote in the grand scheme of man. Hollingsworth had boldly stated what he and countless tyrants like him truly believed. Unintentionally, he had revealed the source of all these troubled emotions. Now, more than ever, it was time for Zenobia to stand up for her gender.
But, to my surprise, and indignation too, she only looked humbled. Some tears sparkled in her eyes, but they were wholly of grief, not anger.
But, to my surprise and frustration, she just looked humbled. A few tears sparkled in her eyes, but they were purely from sadness, not anger.
"Well, be it so," was all she said. "I, at least, have deep cause to think you right. Let man be but manly and godlike, and woman is only too ready to become to him what you say!"
"Alright then," was all she said. "I, at least, have strong reasons to believe you’re right. If a man is truly manly and godlike, a woman is more than willing to become what you describe!"
I smiled—somewhat bitterly, it is true—in contemplation of my own ill-luck. How little did these two women care for me, who had freely conceded all their claims, and a great deal more, out of the fulness of my heart; while Hollingsworth, by some necromancy of his horrible injustice, seemed to have brought them both to his feet!
I smiled—somewhat bitterly, it's true—reflecting on my own bad luck. How little these two women cared for me, who had willingly given up all my claims, and so much more, out of the generosity of my heart; while Hollingsworth, through some twisted form of injustice, seemed to have brought them both to his feet!
"Women almost invariably behave thus," thought I. "What does the fact mean? Is it their nature? Or is it, at last, the result of ages of compelled degradation? And, in either case, will it be possible ever to redeem them?"
"Women almost always act like this," I thought. "What does this mean? Is it just how they are? Or is it, after all, the result of years of forced oppression? And, either way, will it ever be possible to help them?"
An intuition now appeared to possess all the party, that, for this time, at least, there was no more to be said. With one accord, we arose from the ground, and made our way through the tangled undergrowth towards one of those pleasant wood-paths that wound among the overarching trees. Some of the branches hung so low as partly to conceal the figures that went before from those who followed. Priscilla had leaped up more lightly than the rest of us, and ran along in advance, with as much airy activity of spirit as was typified in the motion of a bird, which chanced to be flitting from tree to tree, in the same direction as herself. Never did she seem so happy as that afternoon. She skipt, and could not help it, from very playfulness of heart.
A feeling took over everyone that, at least for now, there was nothing more to say. In unison, we stood up and made our way through the thick underbrush toward one of those nice walking paths that wound through the trees. Some branches hung low enough to partly hide the people in front from those behind. Priscilla jumped up more lightly than the rest of us and ran ahead, filled with as much lighthearted energy as a bird flitting from tree to tree in the same direction. She had never seemed so happy as she did that afternoon. She skipped along, unable to contain herself from sheer playfulness.
Zenobia and Hollingsworth went next, in close contiguity, but not with arm in arm. Now, just when they had passed the impending bough of a birch-tree, I plainly saw Zenobia take the hand of Hollingsworth in both her own, press it to her bosom, and let it fall again!
Zenobia and Hollingsworth followed closely behind, though not linked arm in arm. Just as they passed under the low branch of a birch tree, I clearly saw Zenobia take Hollingsworth's hand in both of hers, press it to her chest, and then let it drop!
The gesture was sudden, and full of passion; the impulse had evidently taken her by surprise; it expressed all! Had Zenobia knelt before him, or flung herself upon his breast, and gasped out, "I love you, Hollingsworth!" I could not have been more certain of what it meant. They then walked onward, as before. But, methought, as the declining sun threw Zenobia's magnified shadow along the path, I beheld it tremulous; and the delicate stem of the flower which she wore in her hair was likewise responsive to her agitation.
The gesture was sudden and full of passion; she was clearly caught off guard by the impulse. It expressed everything! If Zenobia had knelt before him or thrown herself against him, gasping, "I love you, Hollingsworth!" I couldn't have been more sure of what it meant. They continued walking, just like before. But I thought, as the setting sun cast a long shadow of Zenobia along the path, I saw it shaking; the delicate stem of the flower in her hair also seemed to react to her emotions.
Priscilla—through the medium of her eyes, at least could not possibly have been aware of the gesture above described. Yet, at that instant, I saw her droop. The buoyancy, which just before had been so bird-like, was utterly departed; the life seemed to pass out of her, and even the substance of her figure to grow thin and gray. I almost imagined her a shadow, tiding gradually into the dimness of the wood. Her pace became so slow that Hollingsworth and Zenobia passed by, and I, without hastening my footsteps, overtook her.
Priscilla—at least through her eyes—couldn't possibly have noticed the gesture I just described. Yet, at that moment, I saw her slump. The energy that had been so light and lively just moments before completely vanished; it felt like life was draining out of her, and even her figure seemed to become thin and gray. I almost thought of her as a shadow, slowly fading into the shadows of the woods. Her pace became so slow that Hollingsworth and Zenobia walked past, and I, without speeding up, caught up to her.
"Come, Priscilla," said I, looking her intently in the face, which was very pale and sorrowful, "we must make haste after our friends. Do you feel suddenly ill? A moment ago, you flitted along so lightly that I was comparing you to a bird. Now, on the contrary, it is as if you had a heavy heart, and a very little strength to bear it with. Pray take my arm!"
"Come on, Priscilla," I said, looking closely at her face, which was very pale and sad. "We need to hurry and catch up with our friends. Are you feeling suddenly unwell? Just a moment ago, you moved so lightly that I was comparing you to a bird. Now, it seems like you have a heavy heart and very little strength to carry it. Please take my arm!"
"No," said Priscilla, "I do not think it would help me. It is my heart, as you say, that makes me heavy; and I know not why. Just now, I felt very happy."
"No," Priscilla said, "I don’t think it would help me. It’s my heart, as you said, that weighs me down; and I don’t know why. Just a moment ago, I felt really happy."
No doubt it was a kind of sacrilege in me to attempt to come within her maidenly mystery; but, as she appeared to be tossed aside by her other friends, or carelessly let fall, like a flower which they had done with, I could not resist the impulse to take just one peep beneath her folded petals.
No doubt it was somewhat wrong of me to try to get into her innocent mystery; but since it seemed like her other friends had discarded her or just let her go, like a flower they no longer wanted, I couldn't help but feel the urge to take a quick look beneath her folded petals.
"Zenobia and yourself are dear friends of late," I remarked. "At first,—that first evening when you came to us,—she did not receive you quite so warmly as might have been wished."
"Zenobia and you have become close friends recently," I said. "At first—on that first evening when you came to visit us—she didn't welcome you as warmly as I would have hoped."
"I remember it," said Priscilla. "No wonder she hesitated to love me, who was then a stranger to her, and a girl of no grace or beauty,—she being herself so beautiful!"
"I remember it," Priscilla said. "It's no surprise she hesitated to love me, someone who was just a stranger to her, and a girl with no charm or looks—especially since she was so beautiful herself!"
"But she loves you now, of course?" suggested I. "And at this very instant you feel her to be your dearest friend?"
"But she loves you now, right?" I suggested. "And at this moment, you see her as your closest friend?"
"Why do you ask me that question?" exclaimed Priscilla, as if frightened at the scrutiny into her feelings which I compelled her to make. "It somehow puts strange thoughts into my mind. But I do love Zenobia dearly! If she only loves me half as well, I shall be happy!"
"Why are you asking me that?" Priscilla exclaimed, as if she were scared by the deep dive into her feelings that I was pushing her to do. "It makes me think of odd things. But I really do love Zenobia! If she loves me even half as much, I’ll be happy!"
"How is it possible to doubt that, Priscilla?" I rejoined. "But observe how pleasantly and happily Zenobia and Hollingsworth are walking together. I call it a delightful spectacle. It truly rejoices me that Hollingsworth has found so fit and affectionate a friend! So many people in the world mistrust him,—so many disbelieve and ridicule, while hardly any do him justice, or acknowledge him for the wonderful man he is,—that it is really a blessed thing for him to have won the sympathy of such a woman as Zenobia. Any man might be proud of that. Any man, even if he be as great as Hollingsworth, might love so magnificent a woman. How very beautiful Zenobia is! And Hollingsworth knows it, too."
"How can you doubt that, Priscilla?" I replied. "Just look at how happily Zenobia and Hollingsworth are strolling together. It's such a delightful sight. I'm truly glad that Hollingsworth has found such a perfect and caring friend! So many people in the world doubt him—so many disbelieve and mock him, while hardly anyone gives him the credit he deserves or recognizes him as the remarkable man he is—that it's really a gift for him to have gained the support of someone like Zenobia. Any man would be proud of that. Any man, even one as great as Hollingsworth, could love such an amazing woman. Zenobia is so beautiful! And Hollingsworth knows it, too."
There may have been some petty malice in what I said. Generosity is a very fine thing, at a proper time and within due limits. But it is an insufferable bore to see one man engrossing every thought of all the women, and leaving his friend to shiver in outer seclusion, without even the alternative of solacing himself with what the more fortunate individual has rejected. Yes, it was out of a foolish bitterness of heart that I had spoken.
There might have been a bit of petty malice in what I said. Generosity is great when it's appropriate and within limits. But it's really annoying to see one guy capturing the attention of all the women while his friend is left alone and cold, with no chance to even comfort himself with what the lucky guy has turned down. Yes, I spoke out of a foolish bitterness.
"Go on before," said Priscilla abruptly, and with true feminine imperiousness, which heretofore I had never seen her exercise. "It pleases me best to loiter along by myself. I do not walk so fast as you."
"Go on ahead," Priscilla said suddenly, with a real sense of authority that I had never seen from her before. "I prefer to walk slowly by myself. I don't walk as fast as you."
With her hand she made a little gesture of dismissal. It provoked me; yet, on the whole, was the most bewitching thing that Priscilla had ever done. I obeyed her, and strolled moodily homeward, wondering—as I had wondered a thousand times already—how Hollingsworth meant to dispose of these two hearts, which (plainly to my perception, and, as I could not but now suppose, to his) he had engrossed into his own huge egotism.
With a little wave of her hand, she dismissed me. It irritated me; however, overall, it was the most captivating thing Priscilla had ever done. I followed her command and walked home in a gloomy mood, pondering—as I had a thousand times before—how Hollingsworth planned to handle these two hearts, which (clearly to me, and, as I now assumed, to him) he had absorbed into his own massive self-centeredness.
There was likewise another subject hardly less fruitful of speculation. In what attitude did Zenobia present herself to Hollingsworth? Was it in that of a free woman, with no mortgage on her affections nor claimant to her hand, but fully at liberty to surrender both, in exchange for the heart and hand which she apparently expected to receive? But was it a vision that I had witnessed in the wood? Was Westervelt a goblin? Were those words of passion and agony, which Zenobia had uttered in my hearing, a mere stage declamation? Were they formed of a material lighter than common air? Or, supposing them to bear sterling weight, was it a perilous and dreadful wrong which she was meditating towards herself and Hollingsworth?
There was also another topic that sparked a lot of speculation. How did Zenobia present herself to Hollingsworth? Was it as a free woman with no strings attached to her affections or any claims on her, completely free to offer both in exchange for the heart and hand she seemed to expect to receive? But was it just a vision I had seen in the woods? Was Westervelt some kind of goblin? Were those words of passion and pain that Zenobia spoke in my presence just a dramatic performance? Were they made of something lighter than regular air? Or, assuming they carried real weight, was she planning a dangerous and terrible wrong against herself and Hollingsworth?
Arriving nearly at the farmhouse, I looked back over the long slope of pasture land, and beheld them standing together, in the light of sunset, just on the spot where, according to the gossip of the Community, they meant to build their cottage. Priscilla, alone and forgotten, was lingering in the shadow of the wood.
As I neared the farmhouse, I glanced back at the long stretch of pasture and saw them standing together, illuminated by the sunset, right where the community said they were planning to build their cottage. Priscilla, all alone and overlooked, was hanging back in the shadow of the woods.
XV. A CRISIS
Thus the summer was passing away,—a summer of toil, of interest, of something that was not pleasure, but which went deep into my heart, and there became a rich experience. I found myself looking forward to years, if not to a lifetime, to be spent on the same system. The Community were now beginning to form their permanent plans. One of our purposes was to erect a Phalanstery (as I think we called it, after Fourier; but the phraseology of those days is not very fresh in my remembrance), where the great and general family should have its abiding-place. Individual members, too, who made it a point of religion to preserve the sanctity of an exclusive home, were selecting sites for their cottages, by the wood-side, or on the breezy swells, or in the sheltered nook of some little valley, according as their taste might lean towards snugness or the picturesque. Altogether, by projecting our minds outward, we had imparted a show of novelty to existence, and contemplated it as hopefully as if the soil beneath our feet had not been fathom-deep with the dust of deluded generations, on every one of which, as on ourselves, the world had imposed itself as a hitherto unwedded bride.
So the summer was coming to an end—a summer filled with hard work, interest, and something that wasn’t exactly pleasure, but still touched my heart and became a valuable experience. I started to look forward to years, if not a lifetime, spent within the same system. The Community was now beginning to lay down their permanent plans. One of our goals was to build a Phalanstery (I think that’s what we called it, inspired by Fourier; but the terminology from back then isn’t exactly clear in my memory), where the large and collective family would have its home. Individual members, who were committed to preserving the sanctity of a private home, were choosing spots for their cottages by the woods, on the breezy hills, or in the sheltered corner of a little valley, depending on whether they preferred cozy or scenic settings. Overall, by extending our thoughts outward, we had added a hint of novelty to life and viewed it with optimism, as if the ground beneath our feet hadn’t been buried deep in the dust of misguided generations, on each of which, just like ourselves, the world had imposed itself as a bride waiting to be married.
Hollingsworth and myself had often discussed these prospects. It was easy to perceive, however, that he spoke with little or no fervor, but either as questioning the fulfilment of our anticipations, or, at any rate, with a quiet consciousness that it was no personal concern of his. Shortly after the scene at Eliot's pulpit, while he and I were repairing an old stone fence, I amused myself with sallying forward into the future time.
Hollingsworth and I had often talked about these possibilities. However, it was clear that he spoke with little enthusiasm, either questioning whether our hopes would come true or, at the very least, with a quiet awareness that it wasn't really his issue. Shortly after the incident at Eliot's pulpit, while we were fixing up an old stone fence, I entertained myself by imagining what the future might hold.
"When we come to be old men," I said, "they will call us uncles, or fathers,—Father Hollingsworth and Uncle Coverdale,—and we will look back cheerfully to these early days, and make a romantic story for the young People (and if a little more romantic than truth may warrant, it will be no harm) out of our severe trials and hardships. In a century or two, we shall, every one of us, be mythical personages, or exceedingly picturesque and poetical ones, at all events. They will have a great public hall, in which your portrait, and mine, and twenty other faces that are living now, shall be hung up; and as for me, I will be painted in my shirtsleeves, and with the sleeves rolled up, to show my muscular development. What stories will be rife among them about our mighty strength!" continued I, lifting a big stone and putting it into its place, "though our posterity will really be far stronger than ourselves, after several generations of a simple, natural, and active life. What legends of Zenobia's beauty, and Priscilla's slender and shadowy grace, and those mysterious qualities which make her seem diaphanous with spiritual light! In due course of ages, we must all figure heroically in an epic poem; and we will ourselves—at least, I will—bend unseen over the future poet, and lend him inspiration while he writes it."
"When we're old men," I said, "they'll call us uncles or dads—Father Hollingsworth and Uncle Coverdale—and we'll look back happily on these early days, spinning a romantic tale for the younger generation (and if it’s a bit more romantic than the truth allows, that’s okay) about our tough trials and hardships. In a century or two, we’ll all become legendary figures, or at least incredibly colorful and poetic ones. They’ll have a big public hall where your portrait, mine, and those of twenty other living people will be displayed; as for me, I’ll be painted in my shirtsleeves, with the sleeves rolled up to show off my muscles. Just think of the stories they'll tell about our incredible strength!" I went on, lifting a big stone and placing it down, "even though our descendants will actually be much stronger than we are after several generations of simple, natural, and active living. What legends there will be about Zenobia’s beauty, Priscilla’s delicate grace, and those mysterious qualities that make her seem almost transparent with spiritual light! In time, we’ll all play heroic roles in an epic poem; and I, at least, will bend unseen over the future poet and inspire him as he writes it."
"You seem," said Hollingsworth, "to be trying how much nonsense you can pour out in a breath."
"You seem," said Hollingsworth, "to be testing how much nonsense you can spit out in one breath."
"I wish you would see fit to comprehend," retorted I, "that the profoundest wisdom must be mingled with nine tenths of nonsense, else it is not worth the breath that utters it. But I do long for the cottages to be built, that the creeping plants may begin to run over them, and the moss to gather on the walls, and the trees—which we will set out—to cover them with a breadth of shadow. This spick-and-span novelty does not quite suit my taste. It is time, too, for children to be born among us. The first-born child is still to come. And I shall never feel as if this were a real, practical, as well as poetical system of human life, until somebody has sanctified it by death."
"I wish you would understand," I replied, "that the deepest wisdom often comes mixed with a lot of nonsense; otherwise, it’s not worth saying at all. But I really want those cottages to be built so that climbing plants can cover them, moss can grow on the walls, and the trees we plant can cast shade over them. This shiny newness doesn’t really suit me. It’s also time for children to be born among us. The first child is yet to come. And I won’t truly feel that this is a real, practical, and poetic way of living until someone has blessed it with their death."
"A pretty occasion for martyrdom, truly!" said Hollingsworth.
"A perfect opportunity for martyrdom, really!" said Hollingsworth.
"As good as any other," I replied. "I wonder, Hollingsworth, who, of all these strong men, and fair women and maidens, is doomed the first to die. Would it not be well, even before we have absolute need of it, to fix upon a spot for a cemetery? Let us choose the rudest, roughest, most uncultivable spot, for Death's garden ground; and Death shall teach us to beautify it, grave by grave. By our sweet, calm way of dying, and the airy elegance out of which we will shape our funeral rites, and the cheerful allegories which we will model into tombstones, the final scene shall lose its terrors; so that hereafter it may be happiness to live, and bliss to die. None of us must die young. Yet, should Providence ordain it so, the event shall not be sorrowful, but affect us with a tender, delicious, only half-melancholy, and almost smiling pathos!"
"As good as any other," I replied. "I wonder, Hollingsworth, who among these strong men and beautiful women is destined to be the first to die. Wouldn't it be wise, even before we actually need it, to pick a spot for a cemetery? Let's choose the roughest, most unmanageable piece of land as the final resting place, and Death will teach us how to make it beautiful, grave by grave. With our peaceful, calm approach to dying and the graceful elegance we bring to our funeral rites, along with the cheerful stories we’ll carve into our tombstones, the final scene will lose its fearfulness; so living hereafter will be joy, and dying will be bliss. None of us should die young. Yet, if fate decides otherwise, it shouldn't be a sorrowful occasion but should instead leave us with a gentle, sweet, only slightly sad, and almost smiling sense of loss!"
"That is to say," muttered Hollingsworth, "you will die like a heathen, as you certainly live like one. But, listen to me, Coverdale. Your fantastic anticipations make me discern all the more forcibly what a wretched, unsubstantial scheme is this, on which we have wasted a precious summer of our lives. Do you seriously imagine that any such realities as you, and many others here, have dreamed of, will ever be brought to pass?"
"That is to say," muttered Hollingsworth, "you will die like a heathen, just as you certainly live like one. But listen to me, Coverdale. Your wild expectations make me realize even more sharply how futile and empty this plan is, on which we have wasted a precious summer of our lives. Do you really think that any of the realities you and many others here have dreamed of will ever come true?"
"Certainly I do," said I. "Of course, when the reality comes, it will wear the every-day, commonplace, dusty, and rather homely garb that reality always does put on. But, setting aside the ideal charm, I hold that our highest anticipations have a solid footing on common sense."
"Absolutely I do," I replied. "Of course, when reality hits, it will show up in the usual, ordinary, dusty, and somewhat plain way that reality always does. But aside from the ideal charm, I believe that our highest hopes have a strong foundation in common sense."
"You only half believe what you say," rejoined Hollingsworth; "and as for me, I neither have faith in your dream, nor would care the value of this pebble for its realization, were that possible. And what more do you want of it? It has given you a theme for poetry. Let that content you. But now I ask you to be, at last, a man of sobriety and earnestness, and aid me in an enterprise which is worth all our strength, and the strength of a thousand mightier than we."
"You only partially believe what you say," Hollingsworth replied. "As for me, I don’t believe in your dream at all, and I wouldn't care less about its realization, even if it were possible. What more do you want from it? It’s given you inspiration for poetry. Let that be enough for you. But now I ask you to finally be serious and earnest, and help me with a project that's worth all our effort and the strength of a thousand people stronger than us."
There can be no need of giving in detail the conversation that ensued. It is enough to say that Hollingsworth once more brought forward his rigid and unconquerable idea,—a scheme for the reformation of the wicked by methods moral, intellectual, and industrial, by the sympathy of pure, humble, and yet exalted minds, and by opening to his pupils the possibility of a worthier life than that which had become their fate. It appeared, unless he overestimated his own means, that Hollingsworth held it at his choice (and he did so choose) to obtain possession of the very ground on which we had planted our Community, and which had not yet been made irrevocably ours, by purchase. It was just the foundation that he desired. Our beginnings might readily be adapted to his great end. The arrangements already completed would work quietly into his system. So plausible looked his theory, and, more than that, so practical,—such an air of reasonableness had he, by patient thought, thrown over it,—each segment of it was contrived to dovetail into all the rest with such a complicated applicability, and so ready was he with a response for every objection, that, really, so far as logic and argument went, he had the matter all his own way.
There’s no need to go into detail about the conversation that followed. It's enough to say that Hollingsworth once again presented his rigid and unyielding idea—a plan to reform the wicked through moral, intellectual, and industrial methods, by the empathy of pure, humble, yet elevated minds, and by showing his students a possibility of a better life than the one that had become their destiny. It seemed, unless he overestimated his own abilities, that Hollingsworth believed he could take control of the very land where we had established our Community, which hadn't yet been permanently ours through purchase. That was exactly the foundation he wanted. Our beginnings could easily be adapted to his grand purpose. The arrangements already in place would fit smoothly into his system. His theory seemed so plausible, and more importantly, so practical—with a sense of reasonableness he had built around it through careful thought—each part of it designed to interlock with all the others in a complex way, and he was always ready with a counter for any objection. In terms of logic and argument, he seemed to have the upper hand.
"But," said I, "whence can you, having no means of your own, derive the enormous capital which is essential to this experiment? State Street, I imagine, would not draw its purser strings very liberally in aid of such a speculation."
"But," I said, "where can you, having no resources of your own, find the huge capital that's needed for this experiment? I doubt that State Street would be very generous in funding such a venture."
"I have the funds—as much, at least, as is needed for a commencement—at command," he answered. "They can be produced within a month, if necessary."
"I have the money—at least enough for a start—available," he replied. "It can be provided within a month, if needed."
My thoughts reverted to Zenobia. It could only be her wealth which Hollingsworth was appropriating so lavishly. And on what conditions was it to be had? Did she fling it into the scheme with the uncalculating generosity that characterizes a woman when it is her impulse to be generous at all? And did she fling herself along with it? But Hollingsworth did not volunteer an explanation.
My mind went back to Zenobia. It had to be her wealth that Hollingsworth was using so extravagantly. And what were the terms? Did she just toss it into the project with the reckless generosity that often defines a woman when she feels spontaneous kindness? And did she throw herself into it as well? But Hollingsworth didn’t offer any explanation.
"And have you no regrets," I inquired, "in overthrowing this fair system of our new life, which has been planned so deeply, and is now beginning to flourish so hopefully around us? How beautiful it is, and, so far as we can yet see, how practicable! The ages have waited for us, and here we are, the very first that have essayed to carry on our mortal existence in love and mutual help! Hollingsworth, I would be loath to take the ruin of this enterprise upon my conscience."
"And do you have no regrets," I asked, "about dismantling this wonderful system of our new life that has been so carefully planned and is now starting to thrive around us? It's so beautiful, and as far as we can tell, it's so doable! The ages have waited for us, and here we are, the very first to try to live our lives through love and mutual support! Hollingsworth, I would hate to bear the guilt of destroying this venture."
"Then let it rest wholly upon mine!" he answered, knitting his black brows. "I see through the system. It is full of defects,—irremediable and damning ones!—from first to last, there is nothing else! I grasp it in my hand, and find no substance whatever. There is not human nature in it."
"Then let it entirely depend on me!" he replied, furrowing his dark brows. "I can see through the system. It's full of flaws—serious and unforgivable ones! From beginning to end, that's all there is! I hold it in my hand and find nothing solid at all. There’s no human nature in it."
"Why are you so secret in your operations?" I asked. "God forbid that I should accuse you of intentional wrong; but the besetting sin of a philanthropist, it appears to me, is apt to be a moral obliquity. His sense of honor ceases to be the sense of other honorable men. At some point of his course—I know not exactly when or where—he is tempted to palter with the right, and can scarcely forbear persuading himself that the importance of his public ends renders it allowable to throw aside his private conscience. Oh, my dear friend, beware this error! If you meditate the overthrow of this establishment, call together our companions, state your design, support it with all your eloquence, but allow them an opportunity of defending themselves."
"Why are you so secretive in what you do?" I asked. "I don't mean to accuse you of any wrongdoing, but it seems to me that a philanthropist's biggest flaw can be a lack of moral clarity. Their sense of honor can start to differ from that of other honorable people. At some point along their journey—I can't say exactly when or where—they might be tempted to compromise what's right, convincing themselves that the importance of their public goals makes it okay to ignore their personal conscience. Oh, my dear friend, be cautious of this mistake! If you're thinking about bringing down this institution, gather our friends, explain your plan, use all your persuasion, but give them a chance to defend themselves."
"It does not suit me," said Hollingsworth. "Nor is it my duty to do so."
"It doesn't fit me," said Hollingsworth. "And it's not my responsibility to do that."
"I think it is," replied I.
"I think it is," I replied.
Hollingsworth frowned; not in passion, but, like fate, inexorably.
Hollingsworth frowned, not out of passion, but like fate, without any possibility of change.
"I will not argue the point," said he. "What I desire to know of you is,—and you can tell me in one word,—whether I am to look for your cooperation in this great scheme of good? Take it up with me! Be my brother in it! It offers you (what you have told me, over and over again, that you most need) a purpose in life, worthy of the extremest self-devotion,—worthy of martyrdom, should God so order it! In this view, I present it to you. You can greatly benefit mankind. Your peculiar faculties, as I shall direct them, are capable of being so wrought into this enterprise that not one of them need lie idle. Strike hands with me, and from this moment you shall never again feel the languor and vague wretchedness of an indolent or half-occupied man. There may be no more aimless beauty in your life; but, in its stead, there shall be strength, courage, immitigable will,—everything that a manly and generous nature should desire! We shall succeed! We shall have done our best for this miserable world; and happiness (which never comes but incidentally) will come to us unawares."
"I won’t debate this," he said. "What I want to know from you is—just in one word—whether I can count on your support for this great plan to do good? Join me in this! Be my partner in it! It gives you what you’ve told me, time and time again, that you need most: a purpose in life, one that calls for the highest level of selflessness—worthy of sacrifice, if that’s what it comes to! With this in mind, I present it to you. You can make a huge difference for humanity. Your unique talents, shaped by my guidance, can be fully employed in this venture so that none of them will go to waste. Let’s shake on it, and from this moment on, you’ll never again experience the dullness and sense of aimlessness that comes from being lazy or partially engaged. There may be no more aimless beauty in your life, but instead, there will be strength, courage, unwavering determination—everything a true and generous spirit should aspire to! We will succeed! We will have done our best for this troubled world, and happiness (which only comes around unexpectedly) will find us by surprise."
It seemed his intention to say no more. But, after he had quite broken off, his deep eyes filled with tears, and he held out both his hands to me.
It seemed like he didn't want to say anything else. But, after he stopped speaking, his deep eyes filled with tears, and he reached out both his hands to me.
"Coverdale," he murmured, "there is not the man in this wide world whom I can love as I could you. Do not forsake me!"
"Coverdale," he said softly, "there's no one in this whole world I could love as much as you. Don't leave me!"
As I look back upon this scene, through the coldness and dimness of so many years, there is still a sensation as if Hollingsworth had caught hold of my heart, and were pulling it towards him with an almost irresistible force. It is a mystery to me how I withstood it. But, in truth, I saw in his scheme of philanthropy nothing but what was odious. A loathsomeness that was to be forever in my daily work! A great black ugliness of sin, which he proposed to collect out of a thousand human hearts, and that we should spend our lives in an experiment of transmuting it into virtue! Had I but touched his extended hand, Hollingsworth's magnetism would perhaps have penetrated me with his own conception of all these matters. But I stood aloof. I fortified myself with doubts whether his strength of purpose had not been too gigantic for his integrity, impelling him to trample on considerations that should have been paramount to every other.
As I look back on this scene, through the coldness and dimness of so many years, I still feel as if Hollingsworth had grabbed my heart and was pulling it toward him with an almost irresistible force. I can’t understand how I managed to resist it. But honestly, I saw nothing but something disgusting in his philanthropic plan. A grossness that would be a constant part of my daily life! A huge, dark ugliness of sin that he wanted to gather from a thousand human hearts, and we would spend our lives trying to turn it into virtue! If I had just touched his outstretched hand, maybe Hollingsworth's magnetism would have filled me with his own views on these matters. But I kept my distance. I armed myself with doubts about whether his determination had become too overwhelming for his integrity, pushing him to ignore principles that should have been more important than anything else.
"Is Zenobia to take a part in your enterprise?" I asked.
"Is Zenobia going to be involved in your venture?" I asked.
"She is," said Hollingsworth.
"She is," Hollingsworth said.
"She!—the beautiful!—the gorgeous!" I exclaimed. "And how have you prevailed with such a woman to work in this squalid element?"
"She!—the beautiful!—the gorgeous!" I said. "And how did you manage to have such a woman work in this filthy place?"
"Through no base methods, as you seem to suspect," he answered; "but by addressing whatever is best and noblest in her."
"Not by any underhanded tactics, as you seem to think," he replied; "but by appealing to the best and noblest parts of her."
Hollingsworth was looking on the ground. But, as he often did so,—generally, indeed, in his habitual moods of thought,—I could not judge whether it was from any special unwillingness now to meet my eyes. What it was that dictated my next question, I cannot precisely say. Nevertheless, it rose so inevitably into my mouth, and, as it were, asked itself so involuntarily, that there must needs have been an aptness in it.
Hollingsworth was staring at the ground. But, as he often did—actually, usually when he was lost in thought—I couldn't tell if he was deliberately avoiding my gaze this time. I can't say exactly what prompted my next question, but it came to my lips so naturally and seemed to ask itself that it must have been fitting in some way.
"What is to become of Priscilla?"
"What's going to happen to Priscilla?"
Hollingsworth looked at me fiercely, and with glowing eyes. He could not have shown any other kind of expression than that, had he meant to strike me with a sword.
Hollingsworth stared at me intensely, with blazing eyes. He couldn’t have displayed any other expression than that, even if he intended to attack me with a sword.
"Why do you bring in the names of these women?" said he, after a moment of pregnant silence. "What have they to do with the proposal which I make you? I must have your answer! Will you devote yourself, and sacrifice all to this great end, and be my friend of friends forever?"
"Why are you mentioning these women?" he said after a moment of heavy silence. "What do they have to do with the proposal I’m making? I need your answer! Will you commit yourself and give everything to this important goal, and be my closest friend forever?"
"In Heaven's name, Hollingsworth," cried I, getting angry, and glad to be angry, because so only was it possible to oppose his tremendous concentrativeness and indomitable will, "cannot you conceive that a man may wish well to the world, and struggle for its good, on some other plan than precisely that which you have laid down? And will you cast off a friend for no unworthiness, but merely because he stands upon his right as an individual being, and looks at matters through his own optics, instead of yours?"
"In Heaven's name, Hollingsworth," I shouted, getting angry and feeling glad about it, because that was the only way to push back against his intense focus and stubborn will. "Can’t you understand that a person might want to help the world and work towards its betterment in ways other than the exact method you’ve proposed? And will you really abandon a friend without any good reason, just because he stands firm in his rights as an individual and views things from his own perspective instead of yours?"
"Be with me," said Hollingsworth, "or be against me! There is no third choice for you."
"Be with me," said Hollingsworth, "or be against me! There’s no other option for you."
"Take this, then, as my decision," I answered. "I doubt the wisdom of your scheme. Furthermore, I greatly fear that the methods by which you allow yourself to pursue it are such as cannot stand the scrutiny of an unbiassed conscience."
"Take this as my decision," I replied. "I question the wisdom of your plan. Moreover, I seriously worry that the methods you're using to pursue it could not withstand the judgment of an impartial conscience."
"And you will not join me?"
"And you aren’t coming with me?"
"No!"
"No way!"
I never said the word—and certainly can never have it to say hereafter—that cost me a thousandth part so hard an effort as did that one syllable. The heart-pang was not merely figurative, but an absolute torture of the breast. I was gazing steadfastly at Hollingsworth. It seemed to me that it struck him, too, like a bullet. A ghastly paleness—always so terrific on a swarthy face—overspread his features. There was a convulsive movement of his throat, as if he were forcing down some words that struggled and fought for utterance. Whether words of anger, or words of grief, I cannot tell; although many and many a time I have vainly tormented myself with conjecturing which of the two they were. One other appeal to my friendship,—such as once, already, Hollingsworth had made,—taking me in the revulsion that followed a strenuous exercise of opposing will, would completely have subdued me. But he left the matter there. "Well!" said he.
I never said that word—and I certainly can never say it in the future—that cost me as much effort as that one syllable. The heartache wasn’t just metaphorical; it was a real torment in my chest. I was staring intently at Hollingsworth. It seemed like it hit him, too, like a bullet. A ghastly paleness—so striking on a dark-skinned face—spread across his features. His throat moved convulsively, as if he were trying to suppress some words that were struggling to come out. Whether those words were out of anger or grief, I can't say; even though I've spent countless times agonizing over which one it was. If he had made one more appeal to my friendship—like the one he had made before, when I was overwhelmed by the backlash of opposing my will—it would have completely overcome me. But he left it there. "Well!" he said.
And that was all! I should have been thankful for one word more, even had it shot me through the heart, as mine did him. But he did not speak it; and, after a few moments, with one accord, we set to work again, repairing the stone fence. Hollingsworth, I observed, wrought like a Titan; and, for my own part, I lifted stones which at this day—or, in a calmer mood, at that one—I should no more have thought it possible to stir than to carry off the gates of Gaza on my back.
And that was it! I should have been grateful for just one more word, even if it had pierced my heart like mine did his. But he didn’t say anything; after a moment, we all started working again, fixing the stone fence. I noticed that Hollingsworth was working like a giant, and as for me, I was lifting stones that today—or in a calmer moment, even back then—I wouldn’t have believed I could move, like trying to haul off the gates of Gaza on my back.
XVI. LEAVE-TAKINGS
A few days after the tragic passage-at-arms between Hollingsworth and me, I appeared at the dinner-table actually dressed in a coat, instead of my customary blouse; with a satin cravat, too, a white vest, and several other things that made me seem strange and outlandish to myself. As for my companions, this unwonted spectacle caused a great stir upon the wooden benches that bordered either side of our homely board.
A few days after the tragic showdown between Hollingsworth and me, I showed up at the dinner table actually wearing a coat instead of my usual blouse; I also had on a satin cravat, a white vest, and several other things that made me feel strange and out of place. As for my companions, this unusual sight caused quite a stir on the wooden benches that lined both sides of our simple table.
"What's in the wind now, Miles?" asked one of them. "Are you deserting us?"
"What's going on now, Miles?" one of them asked. "Are you leaving us?"
"Yes, for a week or two," said I. "It strikes me that my health demands a little relaxation of labor, and a short visit to the seaside, during the dog-days."
"Yeah, for a week or two," I said. "I think my health needs a bit of a break from work, and a quick trip to the beach during the hottest days of summer."
"You look like it!" grumbled Silas Foster, not greatly pleased with the idea of losing an efficient laborer before the stress of the season was well over. "Now, here's a pretty fellow! His shoulders have broadened a matter of six inches since he came among us; he can do his day's work, if he likes, with any man or ox on the farm; and yet he talks about going to the seashore for his health! Well, well, old woman," added he to his wife, "let me have a plateful of that pork and cabbage! I begin to feel in a very weakly way. When the others have had their turn, you and I will take a jaunt to Newport or Saratoga!"
"You look like it!" Silas Foster grumbled, unhappy about the thought of losing a good worker before the busy season was really over. "Now, look at this guy! His shoulders have broadened about six inches since he joined us; he can do a full day's work, if he wants, alongside any man or ox on the farm; and still, he talks about heading to the beach for his health! Well, well, dear," he said to his wife, "let me have a plate of that pork and cabbage! I'm starting to feel pretty weak. Once the others have had their turn, you and I will take a trip to Newport or Saratoga!"
"Well, but, Mr. Foster," said I, "you must allow me to take a little breath."
"Well, Mr. Foster," I said, "you have to let me catch my breath for a moment."
"Breath!" retorted the old yeoman. "Your lungs have the play of a pair of blacksmith's bellows already. What on earth do you want more? But go along! I understand the business. We shall never see your face here again. Here ends the reformation of the world, so far as Miles Coverdale has a hand in it!"
"Breath!" the old farmer shot back. "Your lungs are already working like a pair of blacksmith's bellows. What more do you want? But go on! I get the picture. We won't be seeing you around here again. This is the end of changing the world as far as Miles Coverdale is concerned!"
"By no means," I replied. "I am resolute to die in the last ditch, for the good of the cause."
"Not at all," I replied. "I’m determined to fight until the very end, for the sake of the cause."
"Die in a ditch!" muttered gruff Silas, with genuine Yankee intolerance of any intermission of toil, except on Sunday, the Fourth of July, the autumnal cattle-show, Thanksgiving, or the annual Fast,—"die in a ditch! I believe, in my conscience, you would, if there were no steadier means than your own labor to keep you out of it!"
"Die in a ditch!" grumbled rough Silas, with a true New England disdain for any break from work, except on Sunday, the Fourth of July, the fall cattle show, Thanksgiving, or the annual Fast,—"die in a ditch! I honestly think you would, if all you had was your own efforts to keep you from it!"
The truth was, that an intolerable discontent and irksomeness had come over me. Blithedale was no longer what it had been. Everything was suddenly faded. The sunburnt and arid aspect of our woods and pastures, beneath the August sky, did but imperfectly symbolize the lack of dew and moisture, that, since yesterday, as it were, had blighted my fields of thought, and penetrated to the innermost and shadiest of my contemplative recesses. The change will be recognized by many, who, after a period of happiness, have endeavored to go on with the same kind of life, in the same scene, in spite of the alteration or withdrawal of some principal circumstance. They discover (what heretofore, perhaps, they had not known) that it was this which gave the bright color and vivid reality to the whole affair.
The truth was, an unbearable sense of dissatisfaction and annoyance had settled over me. Blithedale was no longer what it used to be. Everything suddenly felt washed out. The sunbaked and dry look of our woods and fields under the August sky only poorly reflected the lack of freshness and moisture that, since yesterday, it seemed, had withered my thoughts and seeped into the deepest and darkest corners of my mind. Many will recognize this change, who, after a time of happiness, tried to continue living the same life in the same place, despite the alteration or absence of something crucial. They discover (what they may not have realized before) that it was this element that brought brightness and vividness to the entire experience.
I stood on other terms than before, not only with Hollingsworth, but with Zenobia and Priscilla. As regarded the two latter, it was that dreamlike and miserable sort of change that denies you the privilege to complain, because you can assert no positive injury, nor lay your finger on anything tangible. It is a matter which you do not see, but feel, and which, when you try to analyze it, seems to lose its very existence, and resolve itself into a sickly humor of your own. Your understanding, possibly, may put faith in this denial. But your heart will not so easily rest satisfied. It incessantly remonstrates, though, most of the time, in a bass-note, which you do not separately distinguish; but, now and then, with a sharp cry, importunate to be heard, and resolute to claim belief. "Things are not as they were!" it keeps saying. "You shall not impose on me! I will never be quiet! I will throb painfully! I will be heavy, and desolate, and shiver with cold! For I, your deep heart, know when to be miserable, as once I knew when to be happy! All is changed for us! You are beloved no more!" And were my life to be spent over again, I would invariably lend my ear to this Cassandra of the inward depths, however clamorous the music and the merriment of a more superficial region.
I found myself in a different situation than before, not just with Hollingsworth but also with Zenobia and Priscilla. With the latter two, it was that strange and painful kind of change that takes away your ability to complain because you can’t point to any specific hurt or identify anything concrete. It’s something you can’t see, only feel, and when you try to analyze it, it seems to vanish, turning into a sickly joke of your own making. Your mind might accept this denial, but your heart won’t be so easily satisfied. It constantly protests, mostly in a deep tone that goes unnoticed, but now and then, it issues a sharp cry, desperate to be heard and determined to demand recognition. “Things aren’t as they used to be!” it insists. “You can’t fool me! I won’t be quiet! I will ache painfully! I will feel heavy, lonely, and shiver with cold! Because I, your deep heart, know when to be miserable just as I once knew when to be happy! Everything has changed for us! You are no longer loved!” And if I were to live my life all over again, I would always listen to this warning from my innermost self, no matter how loud the music and laughter from a more superficial part of my life might be.
My outbreak with Hollingsworth, though never definitely known to our associates, had really an effect upon the moral atmosphere of the Community. It was incidental to the closeness of relationship into which we had brought ourselves, that an unfriendly state of feeling could not occur between any two members without the whole society being more or less commoted and made uncomfortable thereby. This species of nervous sympathy (though a pretty characteristic enough, sentimentally considered, and apparently betokening an actual bond of love among us) was yet found rather inconvenient in its practical operation, mortal tempers being so infirm and variable as they are. If one of us happened to give his neighbor a box on the ear, the tingle was immediately felt on the same side of everybody's head. Thus, even on the supposition that we were far less quarrelsome than the rest of the world, a great deal of time was necessarily wasted in rubbing our ears.
My fallout with Hollingsworth, though never fully known to our friends, really affected the moral atmosphere of the Community. Because of how close we were, any bad feelings between two members would disrupt the entire group and make everyone uncomfortable. This kind of nervous sympathy—while it might seem like a sign of a genuine bond of love among us—was also pretty inconvenient in practice, since human tempers can be so fragile and unpredictable. If one person happened to slap another, everyone would feel that sting on the same side of their heads. So even if we were less quarrelsome than the rest of the world, we still wasted a lot of time rubbing our ears.
Musing on all these matters, I felt an inexpressible longing for at least a temporary novelty. I thought of going across the Rocky Mountains, or to Europe, or up the Nile; of offering myself a volunteer on the Exploring Expedition; of taking a ramble of years, no matter in what direction, and coming back on the other side of the world. Then, should the colonists of Blithedale have established their enterprise on a permanent basis, I might fling aside my pilgrim staff and dusty shoon, and rest as peacefully here as elsewhere. Or, in case Hollingsworth should occupy the ground with his School of Reform, as he now purposed, I might plead earthly guilt enough, by that time, to give me what I was inclined to think the only trustworthy hold on his affections. Meanwhile, before deciding on any ultimate plan, I determined to remove myself to a little distance, and take an exterior view of what we had all been about.
Thinking about all these things, I felt an overwhelming urge for at least a temporary change. I considered going across the Rocky Mountains, heading to Europe, or traveling up the Nile; volunteering for the Exploring Expedition; or embarking on a years-long adventure, regardless of the direction, and returning from the other side of the world. Then, if the colonists at Blithedale had made their project a permanent success, I could toss aside my walking stick and worn-out shoes and relax just as peacefully here as anywhere else. Or, if Hollingsworth took over the space with his School of Reform, as he planned, I might have enough worldly guilt by that time to give me what I thought was the only reliable connection to his feelings. In the meantime, before making any final decisions, I decided to step back a little and get an outside perspective on everything we had been involved in.
In truth, it was dizzy work, amid such fermentation of opinions as was going on in the general brain of the Community. It was a kind of Bedlam, for the time being, although out of the very thoughts that were wildest and most destructive might grow a wisdom, holy, calm, and pure, and that should incarnate itself with the substance of a noble and happy life. But, as matters now were, I felt myself (and, having a decided tendency towards the actual, I never liked to feel it) getting quite out of my reckoning, with regard to the existing state of the world. I was beginning to lose the sense of what kind of a world it was, among innumerable schemes of what it might or ought to be. It was impossible, situated as we were, not to imbibe the idea that everything in nature and human existence was fluid, or fast becoming so; that the crust of the earth in many places was broken, and its whole surface portentously upheaving; that it was a day of crisis, and that we ourselves were in the critical vortex. Our great globe floated in the atmosphere of infinite space like an unsubstantial bubble. No sagacious man will long retain his sagacity, if he live exclusively among reformers and progressive people, without periodically returning into the settled system of things, to correct himself by a new observation from that old standpoint.
Honestly, it was exhausting work, surrounded by the swirl of opinions that were buzzing in the minds of the Community. It felt a bit chaotic for the moment, but out of the wildest and most destructive thoughts could emerge a wisdom that was holy, calm, and pure, embodying a noble and joyful life. However, as things stood, I noticed (and since I tended to focus on reality, I never liked to acknowledge it) that I was losing my grip on the current state of the world. I was starting to lose sight of what kind of world it actually was, caught up in countless ideas of what it could or should be. Given our situation, it was impossible not to feel that everything in nature and human existence was changing or rapidly becoming so; that the earth's crust was broken in many places and its whole surface was uplifted ominously; that it was a time of crisis, and we were right in the eye of that storm. Our planet floated in the vastness of space like a fragile bubble. No wise person will keep their wisdom for long if they spend all their time among reformers and progressive thinkers without periodically going back to the established order of things to recalibrate their views with fresh perspectives from that older standpoint.
It was now time for me, therefore, to go and hold a little talk with the conservatives, the writers of "The North American Review," the merchants, the politicians, the Cambridge men, and all those respectable old blockheads who still, in this intangibility and mistiness of affairs, kept a death-grip on one or two ideas which had not come into vogue since yesterday morning.
It was now time for me to go and have a little chat with the conservatives, the writers of "The North American Review," the merchants, the politicians, the guys from Cambridge, and all those respectable old fools who still, in this uncertainty and confusion of things, held tightly onto one or two ideas that hadn’t been popular since yesterday morning.
The brethren took leave of me with cordial kindness; and as for the sisterhood, I had serious thoughts of kissing them all round, but forbore to do so, because, in all such general salutations, the penance is fully equal to the pleasure. So I kissed none of them; and nobody, to say the truth, seemed to expect it.
The brothers said goodbye to me with warm kindness; and as for the sisters, I really considered kissing each of them, but decided against it, because in these kinds of general greetings, the discomfort is just as much as the joy. So I didn't kiss any of them, and honestly, no one seemed to expect it.
"Do you wish me," I said to Zenobia, "to announce in town, and at the watering-places, your purpose to deliver a course of lectures on the rights of women?"
"Do you want me," I said to Zenobia, "to announce in town and at the resorts your plan to give a series of lectures on women's rights?"
"Women possess no rights," said Zenobia, with a half-melancholy smile; "or, at all events, only little girls and grandmothers would have the force to exercise them."
"Women have no rights," said Zenobia, with a slightly sad smile; "or, in any case, only little girls and grandmothers would have the power to use them."
She gave me her hand freely and kindly, and looked at me, I thought, with a pitying expression in her eyes; nor was there any settled light of joy in them on her own behalf, but a troubled and passionate flame, flickering and fitful.
She offered me her hand generously and warmly, and looked at me, I thought, with a sympathetic look in her eyes; there wasn't any steady spark of happiness in them for her own sake, but a restless and intense flame, wavering and unpredictable.
"I regret, on the whole, that you are leaving us," she said; "and all the more, since I feel that this phase of our life is finished, and can never be lived over again. Do you know, Mr. Coverdale, that I have been several times on the point of making you my confidant, for lack of a better and wiser one? But you are too young to be my father confessor; and you would not thank me for treating you like one of those good little handmaidens who share the bosom secrets of a tragedy-queen."
"I’m really sorry that you’re leaving us," she said. "I feel even more strongly about it because I think this chapter of our lives is over and we can’t relive it. You know, Mr. Coverdale, I’ve almost shared my secrets with you a few times since I didn’t have anyone better to turn to. But you’re too young to be my spiritual advisor, and I doubt you’d appreciate me treating you like one of those good little maids who share the deep secrets of a tragedy queen."
"I would, at least, be loyal and faithful," answered I; "and would counsel you with an honest purpose, if not wisely."
"I would definitely be loyal and faithful," I replied. "And I would give you advice with good intentions, even if it isn’t the best."
"Yes," said Zenobia, "you would be only too wise, too honest. Honesty and wisdom are such a delightful pastime, at another person's expense!"
"Yeah," said Zenobia, "you’d be way too wise and too honest. Honesty and wisdom are such a great way to pass the time, especially when it’s at someone else’s expense!"
"Ah, Zenobia," I exclaimed, "if you would but let me speak!"
"Ah, Zenobia," I said, "if you would just let me talk!"
"By no means," she replied, "especially when you have just resumed the whole series of social conventionalisms, together with that strait-bodied coat. I would as lief open my heart to a lawyer or a clergyman! No, no, Mr. Coverdale; if I choose a counsellor, in the present aspect of my affairs, it must be either an angel or a madman; and I rather apprehend that the latter would be likeliest of the two to speak the fitting word. It needs a wild steersman when we voyage through chaos! The anchor is up,—farewell!"
"Not at all," she replied, "especially now that you've just started following all those social norms again, along with that tight-fitting coat. I'd rather share my feelings with a lawyer or a priest! No, no, Mr. Coverdale; if I need advice in my current situation, it should be from either an angel or a madman; and I suspect the madman would be more likely to say the right thing. It takes a wild captain to navigate through chaos! The anchor's up—goodbye!"
Priscilla, as soon as dinner was over, had betaken herself into a corner, and set to work on a little purse. As I approached her, she let her eyes rest on me with a calm, serious look; for, with all her delicacy of nerves, there was a singular self-possession in Priscilla, and her sensibilities seemed to lie sheltered from ordinary commotion, like the water in a deep well.
Priscilla, right after dinner finished, had tucked herself into a corner and started working on a little purse. As I walked over to her, she looked at me with a calm, serious expression; despite her sensitive nature, Priscilla had a unique composure, and her feelings appeared to be protected from everyday chaos, like water in a deep well.
"Will you give me that purse, Priscilla," said I, "as a parting keepsake?"
"Will you give me that purse, Priscilla," I asked, "as a memento for our farewell?"
"Yes," she answered, "if you will wait till it is finished."
"Sure," she replied, "if you can wait until it's done."
"I must not wait, even for that," I replied. "Shall I find you here, on my return?"
"I can't wait for that," I said. "Will I find you here when I get back?"
"I never wish to go away," said she.
"I never want to leave," she said.
"I have sometimes thought," observed I, smiling, "that you, Priscilla, are a little prophetess, or, at least, that you have spiritual intimations respecting matters which are dark to us grosser people. If that be the case, I should like to ask you what is about to happen; for I am tormented with a strong foreboding that, were I to return even so soon as to-morrow morning, I should find everything changed. Have you any impressions of this nature?"
"I've sometimes thought," I said with a smile, "that you, Priscilla, are a bit of a seer or, at least, you have insights into things that are unclear to us more ordinary folks. If that's true, I’d like to ask what you think is going to happen; because I have this nagging feeling that if I were to come back even tomorrow morning, I’d find everything different. Do you have any thoughts about this?"
"Ah, no," said Priscilla, looking at me apprehensively. "If any such misfortune is coming, the shadow has not reached me yet. Heaven forbid! I should be glad if there might never be any change, but one summer follow another, and all just like this."
"Ah, no," Priscilla said, looking at me nervously. "If any kind of misfortune is on its way, I haven't felt its effects yet. God forbid! I would be happy if things never changed, just one summer after another, all exactly like this."
"No summer ever came back, and no two summers ever were alike," said I, with a degree of Orphic wisdom that astonished myself. "Times change, and people change; and if our hearts do not change as readily, so much the worse for us. Good-by, Priscilla!"
"No summer ever returned, and no two summers were ever the same," I said, surprising myself with my own deep insight. "Times change, and people change; and if our hearts don’t change just as easily, then that’s our loss. Goodbye, Priscilla!"
I gave her hand a pressure, which, I think, she neither resisted nor returned. Priscilla's heart was deep, but of small compass; it had room but for a very few dearest ones, among whom she never reckoned me.
I squeezed her hand, and I think she neither pushed me away nor squeezed back. Priscilla’s heart was big but had limited space; it only had room for a few cherished people, and I wasn’t one of them.
On the doorstep I met Hollingsworth. I had a momentary impulse to hold out my hand, or at least to give a parting nod, but resisted both. When a real and strong affection has come to an end, it is not well to mock the sacred past with any show of those commonplace civilities that belong to ordinary intercourse. Being dead henceforth to him, and he to me, there could be no propriety in our chilling one another with the touch of two corpse-like hands, or playing at looks of courtesy with eyes that were impenetrable beneath the glaze and the film. We passed, therefore, as if mutually invisible.
On the doorstep, I ran into Hollingsworth. I briefly felt the urge to extend my hand or at least offer a nod goodbye, but I held back on both. When a deep and genuine love comes to an end, it’s not right to disrespect what was special with those ordinary gestures of politeness that are typical in daily interactions. Since we were now dead to each other, there was no point in chilling one another with the touch of lifeless hands or pretending to exchange polite glances with eyes that were unreadable and clouded over. So, we went past each other as if we were invisible to one another.
I can nowise explain what sort of whim, prank, or perversity it was, that, after all these leave-takings, induced me to go to the pigsty, and take leave of the swine! There they lay, buried as deeply among the straw as they could burrow, four huge black grunters, the very symbols of slothful ease and sensual comfort. They were asleep, drawing short and heavy breaths, which heaved their big sides up and down. Unclosing their eyes, however, at my approach, they looked dimly forth at the outer world, and simultaneously uttered a gentle grunt; not putting themselves to the trouble of an additional breath for that particular purpose, but grunting with their ordinary inhalation. They were involved, and almost stifled and buried alive, in their own corporeal substance. The very unreadiness and oppression wherewith these greasy citizens gained breath enough to keep their life-machinery in sluggish movement appeared to make them only the more sensible of the ponderous and fat satisfaction of their existence. Peeping at me an instant out of their small, red, hardly perceptible eyes, they dropt asleep again; yet not so far asleep but that their unctuous bliss was still present to them, betwixt dream and reality.
I can't really explain what got into me, but after all those goodbyes, I felt compelled to go to the pigsty and say goodbye to the pigs! There they lay, buried deep in the straw, four massive black pigs, the very picture of lazy comfort. They were asleep, taking short, heavy breaths that made their big sides rise and fall. When I approached, they opened their eyes just a little and stared out at the world, letting out a soft grunt—not bothering to take a proper breath for it, just grunting as they inhaled. They were so wrapped up and almost smothered in their own bodies. The very struggle and heaviness with which these fat creatures breathed seemed to make them all the more aware of the heavy, indulgent satisfaction of their lives. Glancing at me for a moment with their small, red, barely noticeable eyes, they fell back asleep, not so deep in slumber that they couldn’t still feel their greasy contentment, caught between dreaming and reality.
"You must come back in season to eat part of a spare-rib," said Silas Foster, giving my hand a mighty squeeze. "I shall have these fat fellows hanging up by the heels, heads downward, pretty soon, I tell you!"
"You have to come back when it's time to eat some spare ribs," said Silas Foster, giving my hand a strong squeeze. "I’ll have these big guys hanging upside down by their heels pretty soon, I’m telling you!"
"O cruel Silas, what a horrible idea!" cried I. "All the rest of us, men, women, and livestock, save only these four porkers, are bedevilled with one grief or another; they alone are happy,—and you mean to cut their throats and eat them! It would be more for the general comfort to let them eat us; and bitter and sour morsels we should be!"
"O cruel Silas, what a terrible idea!" I shouted. "Everyone else—men, women, and livestock—except for these four pigs, is tormented by their own problems; they are the only ones who are happy, and you plan to slaughter them and eat them! It would be better for everyone's well-being to let them eat us, and we’d be tough and unpleasant meals!"
XVII. THE HOTEL
Arriving in town (where my bachelor-rooms, long before this time, had received some other occupant), I established myself, for a day or two, in a certain, respectable hotel. It was situated somewhat aloof from my former track in life; my present mood inclining me to avoid most of my old companions, from whom I was now sundered by other interests, and who would have been likely enough to amuse themselves at the expense of the amateur workingman. The hotel-keeper put me into a back room of the third story of his spacious establishment. The day was lowering, with occasional gusts of rain, and an ugly tempered east wind, which seemed to come right off the chill and melancholy sea, hardly mitigated by sweeping over the roofs, and amalgamating itself with the dusky element of city smoke. All the effeminacy of past days had returned upon me at once. Summer as it still was, I ordered a coal fire in the rusty grate, and was glad to find myself growing a little too warm with an artificial temperature.
When I arrived in town (where my bachelor apartment had been taken over by someone else long before), I settled in a decent hotel for a day or two. It was a bit away from my usual area, and I was in a mood to steer clear of most of my old friends, who I was now distanced from due to new interests. They would likely have made fun of me for being an amateur workingman. The hotel manager put me in a back room on the third floor of his large establishment. The weather was gloomy, with occasional rain and a nasty east wind that felt like it was blowing straight off the cold and dreary sea, barely softened by rustling over the rooftops and mixing with the gray city smoke. All the weakness of my past returned to me at once. Even though it was still summer, I asked for a coal fire in the old grate and was pleased to feel myself getting a little too warm in the artificial heat.
My sensations were those of a traveller, long sojourning in remote regions, and at length sitting down again amid customs once familiar. There was a newness and an oldness oddly combining themselves into one impression. It made me acutely sensible how strange a piece of mosaic-work had lately been wrought into my life. True, if you look at it in one way, it had been only a summer in the country. But, considered in a profounder relation, it was part of another age, a different state of society, a segment of an existence peculiar in its aims and methods, a leaf of some mysterious volume interpolated into the current history which time was writing off. At one moment, the very circumstances now surrounding me—my coal fire and the dingy room in the bustling hotel—appeared far off and intangible; the next instant Blithedale looked vague, as if it were at a distance both in time and space, and so shadowy that a question might be raised whether the whole affair had been anything more than the thoughts of a speculative man. I had never before experienced a mood that so robbed the actual world of its solidity. It nevertheless involved a charm, on which—a devoted epicure of my own emotions—I resolved to pause, and enjoy the moral sillabub until quite dissolved away.
My feelings were those of a traveler who has spent a long time in distant places and has finally settled back into familiar customs. There was a strange mix of both new and old that created a unique impression. It made me really aware of how oddly a patchwork of experiences had recently been woven into my life. True, if you look at it one way, it was just a summer in the countryside. But, when viewed in a deeper sense, it was part of another time, a different society, a slice of existence with its own goals and methods, a page from some mysterious book inserted into the history that time was writing. At one moment, the very situation surrounding me—my coal fire and the shabby room in the busy hotel—felt distant and unreal; the next moment, Blithedale seemed vague, as if it were far away in time and space, so unclear that one might wonder whether it was anything more than the thoughts of a reflective person. I had never experienced a mood that stripped the actual world of its solidity so much. Still, it had a charm that I, a devoted connoisseur of my own feelings, decided to savor until it completely faded away.
Whatever had been my taste for solitude and natural scenery, yet the thick, foggy, stifled element of cities, the entangled life of many men together, sordid as it was, and empty of the beautiful, took quite as strenuous a hold upon my mind. I felt as if there could never be enough of it. Each characteristic sound was too suggestive to be passed over unnoticed. Beneath and around me, I heard the stir of the hotel; the loud voices of guests, landlord, or bar-keeper; steps echoing on the staircase; the ringing of a bell, announcing arrivals or departures; the porter lumbering past my door with baggage, which he thumped down upon the floors of neighboring chambers; the lighter feet of chambermaids scudding along the passages;—it is ridiculous to think what an interest they had for me! From the street came the tumult of the pavements, pervading the whole house with a continual uproar, so broad and deep that only an unaccustomed ear would dwell upon it. A company of the city soldiery, with a full military band, marched in front of the hotel, invisible to me, but stirringly audible both by its foot-tramp and the clangor of its instruments. Once or twice all the city bells jangled together, announcing a fire, which brought out the engine-men and their machines, like an army with its artillery rushing to battle. Hour by hour the clocks in many steeples responded one to another.
No matter how much I enjoyed solitude and nature, the thick, foggy atmosphere of the city, the chaotic life of so many people all together, as dull as it was and lacking in beauty, still had a powerful grip on my mind. I felt like I could never get enough of it. Each distinct sound was too captivating to be ignored. Around me, I heard the hustle and bustle of the hotel; the loud voices of guests, the owner, or the bartender; footsteps echoing on the stairs; the ringing of a bell announcing arrivals or departures; the porter trudging past my door with luggage, which he dropped loudly on the floors of nearby rooms; and the lighter footsteps of chambermaids hurrying along the hallways—it's funny to think how much they fascinated me! From the street came the noise of the pavement, filling the whole building with an ongoing clamor so vast and intense that only an untrained ear would pay close attention to it. A group of city soldiers, with a full military band, marched in front of the hotel, invisible to me but unmistakably audible with their marching and the sound of their instruments. Once or twice, all the city bells rang together, signaling a fire, which drew out the firefighters and their equipment like soldiers with artillery rushing to battle. Hour after hour, the clocks in many steeples chimed in response to one another.
In some public hall, not a great way off, there seemed to be an exhibition of a mechanical diorama; for three times during the day occurred a repetition of obstreperous music, winding up with the rattle of imitative cannon and musketry, and a huge final explosion. Then ensued the applause of the spectators, with clap of hands and thump of sticks, and the energetic pounding of their heels. All this was just as valuable, in its way, as the sighing of the breeze among the birch-trees that overshadowed Eliot's pulpit.
In a nearby public hall, there appeared to be an exhibition of a mechanical diorama. Throughout the day, loud music played three times, culminating in the sounds of fake cannons and gunfire, followed by a big final explosion. Then the audience erupted in applause, clapping their hands, banging sticks, and enthusiastically stomping their feet. All of this was just as meaningful, in its own way, as the gentle breeze rustling through the birch trees that shaded Eliot's pulpit.
Yet I felt a hesitation about plunging into this muddy tide of human activity and pastime. It suited me better, for the present, to linger on the brink, or hover in the air above it. So I spent the first day, and the greater part of the second, in the laziest manner possible, in a rocking-chair, inhaling the fragrance of a series of cigars, with my legs and slippered feet horizontally disposed, and in my hand a novel purchased of a railroad bibliopolist. The gradual waste of my cigar accomplished itself with an easy and gentle expenditure of breath. My book was of the dullest, yet had a sort of sluggish flow, like that of a stream in which your boat is as often aground as afloat. Had there been a more impetuous rush, a more absorbing passion of the narrative, I should the sooner have struggled out of its uneasy current, and have given myself up to the swell and subsidence of my thoughts. But, as it was, the torpid life of the book served as an unobtrusive accompaniment to the life within me and about me. At intervals, however, when its effect grew a little too soporific,—not for my patience, but for the possibility of keeping my eyes open, I bestirred myself, started from the rocking-chair, and looked out of the window.
Yet I felt hesitant about diving into this muddy tide of human activity and leisure. It suited me better, for the moment, to linger on the edge, or hover in the space above it. So I spent the first day, and most of the second, in the laziest way possible, sitting in a rocking chair, enjoying the scent of a series of cigars, with my legs and slippered feet stretched out, and in my hand a novel I bought from a train station bookseller. The slow burn of my cigar was accompanied by a gentle exhale of breath. My book was pretty dull, yet had a kind of sluggish flow, like a stream where your boat is often stuck as much as it is floating. If there had been a more intense rush, a more gripping passion in the story, I would have quickly pulled myself out of its uneasy current and surrendered to the ebb and flow of my thoughts. But as it was, the lifelessness of the book served as a subtle background to the life within and around me. Occasionally, when its effect became a bit too sleep-inducing—not for my patience, but for the chance of keeping my eyes open—I would shake myself awake, get up from the rocking chair, and look out the window.
A gray sky; the weathercock of a steeple that rose beyond the opposite range of buildings, pointing from the eastward; a sprinkle of small, spiteful-looking raindrops on the window-pane. In that ebb-tide of my energies, had I thought of venturing abroad, these tokens would have checked the abortive purpose.
A gray sky; the weather vane on a steeple that stood beyond the buildings across the street, pointing towards the east; a few small, nasty-looking raindrops on the window. In that low point of my energy, if I had considered going outside, these signs would have stopped me from trying.
After several such visits to the window, I found myself getting pretty well acquainted with that little portion of the backside of the universe which it presented to my view. Over against the hotel and its adjacent houses, at the distance of forty or fifty yards, was the rear of a range of buildings which appeared to be spacious, modern, and calculated for fashionable residences. The interval between was apportioned into grass-plots, and here and there an apology for a garden, pertaining severally to these dwellings. There were apple-trees, and pear and peach trees, too, the fruit on which looked singularly large, luxuriant, and abundant, as well it might, in a situation so warm and sheltered, and where the soil had doubtless been enriched to a more than natural fertility. In two or three places grapevines clambered upon trellises, and bore clusters already purple, and promising the richness of Malta or Madeira in their ripened juice. The blighting winds of our rigid climate could not molest these trees and vines; the sunshine, though descending late into this area, and too early intercepted by the height of the surrounding houses, yet lay tropically there, even when less than temperate in every other region. Dreary as was the day, the scene was illuminated by not a few sparrows and other birds, which spread their wings, and flitted and fluttered, and alighted now here, now there, and busily scratched their food out of the wormy earth. Most of these winged people seemed to have their domicile in a robust and healthy buttonwood-tree. It aspired upward, high above the roofs of the houses, and spread a dense head of foliage half across the area.
After several visits to the window, I found myself getting pretty familiar with that little glimpse of the universe it offered. Across from the hotel and its nearby buildings, about forty or fifty yards away, was the back of a row of buildings that looked spacious, modern, and suitable for upscale living. The space in between was arranged into small grassy areas, with a few gardens connected to these homes. There were apple, pear, and peach trees as well, with fruit that looked unusually large and plentiful, likely due to the warm, sheltered location and soil that had been enriched beyond normal fertility. In a couple of spots, grapevines climbed on trellises, producing clusters already turning purple, promising the sweetness of Malta or Madeira when fully ripe. The harsh winds from our cold climate couldn’t harm these trees and vines; the sunshine, though late to reach this area and often blocked by the height of the surrounding buildings, still bathed it in warmth, even when it was chilly everywhere else. Despite the dreariness of the day, the scene was brightened by several sparrows and other birds, flapping their wings, fluttering about, and landing here and there as they scratched in the wormy ground for food. Most of these birds seemed to live in a sturdy, healthy buttonwood tree. It reached high above the rooftops and spread a thick canopy of leaves over half the area.
There was a cat—as there invariably is in such places—who evidently thought herself entitled to the privileges of forest life in this close heart of city conventionalisms. I watched her creeping along the low, flat roofs of the offices, descending a flight of wooden steps, gliding among the grass, and besieging the buttonwood-tree, with murderous purpose against its feathered citizens. But, after all, they were birds of city breeding, and doubtless knew how to guard themselves against the peculiar perils of their position.
There was a cat—like there always is in these kinds of places—who clearly felt entitled to the perks of nature right in the middle of city life. I watched her sneak along the low, flat roofs of the offices, go down a set of wooden steps, glide through the grass, and stalk the buttonwood tree with a deadly intent toward its feathered inhabitants. But, after all, they were city birds and probably knew how to protect themselves from the unique dangers of their environment.
Bewitching to my fancy are all those nooks and crannies where Nature, like a stray partridge, hides her head among the long-established haunts of men! It is likewise to be remarked, as a general rule, that there is far more of the picturesque, more truth to native and characteristic tendencies, and vastly greater suggestiveness in the back view of a residence, whether in town or country, than in its front. The latter is always artificial; it is meant for the world's eye, and is therefore a veil and a concealment. Realities keep in the rear, and put forward an advance guard of show and humbug. The posterior aspect of any old farmhouse, behind which a railroad has unexpectedly been opened, is so different from that looking upon the immemorial highway, that the spectator gets new ideas of rural life and individuality in the puff or two of steam-breath which shoots him past the premises. In a city, the distinction between what is offered to the public and what is kept for the family is certainly not less striking.
Captivating to me are all those hidden spots where Nature, like a stray bird, tucks herself away among the well-established habitats of people! It’s also worth noting that, as a general rule, there’s often more beauty, more authenticity to local and distinctive traits, and a lot more suggestiveness in the back view of a home, whether it’s in a city or the countryside, than in its front. The front is always staged; it’s designed for the world to see, and is therefore a mask and a disguise. The realities are found in the back, while the front presents a facade of show and pretense. The back of an old farmhouse, especially one that now has a railroad behind it, looks so different from the view that faces the time-honored road that passersby gain fresh perspectives on rural life and individuality in the brief puff of steam that whizzes past the property. In a city, the difference between what’s shown to the public and what’s reserved for the family is certainly just as striking.
But, to return to my window at the back of the hotel. Together with a due contemplation of the fruit-trees, the grapevines, the buttonwood-tree, the cat, the birds, and many other particulars, I failed not to study the row of fashionable dwellings to which all these appertained. Here, it must be confessed, there was a general sameness. From the upper story to the first floor, they were so much alike, that I could only conceive of the inhabitants as cut out on one identical pattern, like little wooden toy-people of German manufacture. One long, united roof, with its thousands of slates glittering in the rain, extended over the whole. After the distinctness of separate characters to which I had recently been accustomed, it perplexed and annoyed me not to be able to resolve this combination of human interests into well-defined elements. It seemed hardly worth while for more than one of those families to be in existence, since they all had the same glimpse of the sky, all looked into the same area, all received just their equal share of sunshine through the front windows, and all listened to precisely the same noises of the street on which they boarded. Men are so much alike in their nature, that they grow intolerable unless varied by their circumstances.
But, let’s get back to my window at the back of the hotel. Along with a proper look at the fruit trees, grapevines, the buttonwood tree, the cat, the birds, and many other details, I also made sure to observe the row of upscale houses these things were connected to. I have to admit, there was a general uniformity among them. From the top floor to the ground floor, they looked so similar that I could only picture the people living there as being made from the same mold, like little wooden toy figures from Germany. A long, continuous roof, with thousands of slates shining in the rain, covered them all. After being used to the distinct personalities I had recently encountered, it confused and frustrated me not to be able to break down this mix of human lives into clear parts. It hardly seemed necessary for more than one of those families to exist since they all had the same view of the sky, looked into the same courtyard, received exactly the same amount of sunlight through their front windows, and heard the exact same sounds from the street where they lived. People are so alike in their nature that they become unbearable unless their circumstances provide some variety.
Just about this time a waiter entered my room. The truth was, I had rung the bell and ordered a sherry-cobbler.
Just then, a waiter came into my room. The truth is, I had rung the bell and ordered a sherry-cobbler.
"Can you tell me," I inquired, "what families reside in any of those houses opposite?"
"Can you tell me," I asked, "which families live in those houses across the street?"
"The one right opposite is a rather stylish boarding-house," said the waiter. "Two of the gentlemen boarders keep horses at the stable of our establishment. They do things in very good style, sir, the people that live there."
"The place right across the street is a pretty nice boarding house," the waiter said. "Two of the boarders there keep their horses at our stable. They do things in a really classy way, sir, the folks who live there."
I might have found out nearly as much for myself, on examining the house a little more closely, in one of the upper chambers I saw a young man in a dressing-gown, standing before the glass and brushing his hair for a quarter of an hour together. He then spent an equal space of time in the elaborate arrangement of his cravat, and finally made his appearance in a dress-coat, which I suspected to be newly come from the tailor's, and now first put on for a dinner-party. At a window of the next story below, two children, prettily dressed, were looking out. By and by a middle-aged gentleman came softly behind them, kissed the little girl, and playfully pulled the little boy's ear. It was a papa, no doubt, just come in from his counting-room or office; and anon appeared mamma, stealing as softly behind papa as he had stolen behind the children, and laying her hand on his shoulder to surprise him. Then followed a kiss between papa and mamma; but a noiseless one, for the children did not turn their heads.
I could have learned just as much for myself by taking a closer look at the house. In one of the upper rooms, I saw a young man in a bathrobe, standing in front of the mirror and brushing his hair for about fifteen minutes. He then took just as long to carefully fix his tie, and finally came out wearing a dress coat that I suspected was brand new, probably just taken from the tailor, which he was wearing for a dinner party. In a window on the floor below, two well-dressed kids were looking outside. After a while, a middle-aged man quietly approached them, kissed the little girl, and playfully tugged on the little boy's ear. He was definitely their dad, just home from work; soon after, their mom appeared, sneaking up behind dad just like he had behind the kids, and put her hand on his shoulder to surprise him. Then they shared a kiss, but a silent one since the kids didn’t turn around.
"I bless God for these good folks!" thought I to myself. "I have not seen a prettier bit of nature, in all my summer in the country, than they have shown me here, in a rather stylish boarding-house. I will pay them a little more attention by and by."
"I thank God for these great people!" I thought to myself. "I haven't seen a more beautiful piece of nature during my entire summer in the countryside than what they've shown me here, in this rather nice boarding house. I’ll make sure to show them a bit more attention later."
On the first floor, an iron balustrade ran along in front of the tall and spacious windows, evidently belonging to a back drawing-room; and far into the interior, through the arch of the sliding-doors, I could discern a gleam from the windows of the front apartment. There were no signs of present occupancy in this suite of rooms; the curtains being enveloped in a protective covering, which allowed but a small portion of their crimson material to be seen. But two housemaids were industriously at work; so that there was good prospect that the boarding-house might not long suffer from the absence of its most expensive and profitable guests. Meanwhile, until they should appear, I cast my eyes downward to the lower regions. There, in the dusk that so early settles into such places, I saw the red glow of the kitchen range. The hot cook, or one of her subordinates, with a ladle in her hand, came to draw a cool breath at the back door. As soon as she disappeared, an Irish man-servant, in a white jacket, crept slyly forth, and threw away the fragments of a china dish, which, unquestionably, he had just broken. Soon afterwards, a lady, showily dressed, with a curling front of what must have been false hair, and reddish-brown, I suppose, in hue,—though my remoteness allowed me only to guess at such particulars,—this respectable mistress of the boarding-house made a momentary transit across the kitchen window, and appeared no more. It was her final, comprehensive glance, in order to make sure that soup, fish, and flesh were in a proper state of readiness, before the serving up of dinner.
On the first floor, an iron railing stretched across in front of the tall, spacious windows, clearly belonging to a back drawing room. Through the arch of the sliding doors, I could see a glimmer coming from the windows of the front room. There were no signs of current occupancy in this suite; the curtains were wrapped in protective coverings, showing only a small portion of their crimson fabric. However, two housemaids were hard at work, which boded well for the boarding house as it might not be long before its most costly and profitable guests returned. In the meantime, while waiting for them to show up, I looked down to the lower areas. There, in the dim light that quickly settles into such places, I saw the red glow of the kitchen stove. The hot cook, or one of her assistants, with a ladle in hand, stepped out to catch a breath at the back door. As soon as she left, an Irish man-servant in a white jacket sneaked out and tossed aside the remnants of a china dish that he had clearly just broken. Shortly after, a lady dressed in flashy attire, with a styled front of what must have been fake hair—reddish-brown, I guessed from afar—this respectable mistress of the boarding house quickly passed by the kitchen window and then vanished. It was her final, thorough check to ensure that the soup, fish, and meat were ready before dinner was served.
There was nothing else worth noticing about the house, unless it be that on the peak of one of the dormer windows which opened out of the roof sat a dove, looking very dreary and forlorn; insomuch that I wondered why she chose to sit there, in the chilly rain, while her kindred were doubtless nestling in a warm and comfortable dove-cote. All at once this dove spread her wings, and, launching herself in the air, came flying so straight across the intervening space, that I fully expected her to alight directly on my window-sill. In the latter part of her course, however, she swerved aside, flew upward, and vanished, as did, likewise, the slight, fantastic pathos with which I had invested her.
There wasn't anything else remarkable about the house, except that on the peak of one of the dormer windows that jutted out from the roof sat a dove, looking really sad and lonely; I couldn't help but wonder why she decided to perch there in the chilly rain while her fellow doves were probably cozying up in a warm dove-cote. Suddenly, this dove spread her wings and, taking off into the air, flew so straight across the gap that I expected her to land right on my window sill. However, towards the end of her flight, she veered off, soared upwards, and disappeared, just like the little bit of whimsical sadness I had attributed to her.
XVIII. THE BOARDING-HOUSE
The next day, as soon as I thought of looking again towards the opposite house, there sat the dove again, on the peak of the same dormer window! It was by no means an early hour, for the preceding evening I had ultimately mustered enterprise enough to visit the theatre, had gone late to bed, and slept beyond all limit, in my remoteness from Silas Foster's awakening horn. Dreams had tormented me throughout the night. The train of thoughts which, for months past, had worn a track through my mind, and to escape which was one of my chief objects in leaving Blithedale, kept treading remorselessly to and fro in their old footsteps, while slumber left me impotent to regulate them. It was not till I had quitted my three friends that they first began to encroach upon my dreams. In those of the last night, Hollingsworth and Zenobia, standing on either side of my bed, had bent across it to exchange a kiss of passion. Priscilla, beholding this,—for she seemed to be peeping in at the chamber window,—had melted gradually away, and left only the sadness of her expression in my heart. There it still lingered, after I awoke; one of those unreasonable sadnesses that you know not how to deal with, because it involves nothing for common-sense to clutch.
The next day, as soon as I thought about looking again at the house across the street, there sat the dove again, perched on the peak of the same dormer window! It was by no means early, since the night before I had finally gathered enough motivation to go to the theater, had gone to bed late, and slept well past my usual time, far removed from Silas Foster's morning horn. I had been haunted by dreams all night. The train of thoughts that had been stuck in my mind for months, which I was trying to escape by leaving Blithedale, kept relentlessly moving back and forth along the same track, while sleep left me powerless to manage them. It wasn't until I had left my three friends that they first began to invade my dreams. In last night’s dreams, Hollingsworth and Zenobia, standing on either side of my bed, leaned across it to share a passionate kiss. Priscilla, witnessing this—because it seemed like she was peeking in at the window—gradually faded away, leaving only the sadness of her expression in my heart. It lingered there even after I woke up; one of those inexplicable sadnesses that you don't know how to handle because it doesn't relate to anything rational.
It was a gray and dripping forenoon; gloomy enough in town, and still gloomier in the haunts to which my recollections persisted in transporting me. For, in spite of my efforts to think of something else, I thought how the gusty rain was drifting over the slopes and valleys of our farm; how wet must be the foliage that overshadowed the pulpit rock; how cheerless, in such a day, my hermitage—the tree-solitude of my owl-like humors—in the vine-encircled heart of the tall pine! It was a phase of homesickness. I had wrenched myself too suddenly out of an accustomed sphere. There was no choice, now, but to bear the pang of whatever heartstrings were snapt asunder, and that illusive torment (like the ache of a limb long ago cut off) by which a past mode of life prolongs itself into the succeeding one. I was full of idle and shapeless regrets. The thought impressed itself upon me that I had left duties unperformed. With the power, perhaps, to act in the place of destiny and avert misfortune from my friends, I had resigned them to their fate. That cold tendency, between instinct and intellect, which made me pry with a speculative interest into people's passions and impulses, appeared to have gone far towards unhumanizing my heart.
It was a gray and rainy morning; gloomy enough in town, and even darker in the places my memories kept taking me back to. No matter how hard I tried to think about something else, I kept picturing how the gusty rain was sweeping over the fields and valleys of our farm; how soaked the leaves were that hung over the pulpit rock; how dreary my retreat—the tree-filled solitude of my reclusive nature—in the vine-covered center of the tall pine must be on a day like this! It was a kind of homesickness. I had pulled myself out of a familiar environment too quickly. Now, I had no choice but to endure the hurt of whatever ties were broken and that painful memory (like the ache of a limb long gone) by which a past way of life stretches into the present. I was filled with pointless and vague regrets. It struck me that I had left responsibilities unfinished. With the ability, perhaps, to step in for fate and protect my friends from misfortune, I had allowed them to face it alone. That cold tendency, which made me scrutinize people's emotions and motivations with detached curiosity, seemed to have distanced me from my own humanity.
But a man cannot always decide for himself whether his own heart is cold or warm. It now impresses me that, if I erred at all in regard to Hollingsworth, Zenobia, and Priscilla, it was through too much sympathy, rather than too little.
But a person can't always tell for themselves if their heart is cold or warm. It strikes me now that, if I made any mistakes regarding Hollingsworth, Zenobia, and Priscilla, it was due to having too much sympathy, not too little.
To escape the irksomeness of these meditations, I resumed my post at the window. At first sight, there was nothing new to be noticed. The general aspect of affairs was the same as yesterday, except that the more decided inclemency of to-day had driven the sparrows to shelter, and kept the cat within doors; whence, however, she soon emerged, pursued by the cook, and with what looked like the better half of a roast chicken in her mouth. The young man in the dress-coat was invisible; the two children, in the story below, seemed to be romping about the room, under the superintendence of a nursery-maid. The damask curtains of the drawing-room, on the first floor, were now fully displayed, festooned gracefully from top to bottom of the windows, which extended from the ceiling to the carpet. A narrower window, at the left of the drawing-room, gave light to what was probably a small boudoir, within which I caught the faintest imaginable glimpse of a girl's figure, in airy drapery. Her arm was in regular movement, as if she were busy with her German worsted, or some other such pretty and unprofitable handiwork.
To escape the annoyance of these thoughts, I went back to my spot at the window. At first glance, nothing seemed different. The overall scene looked the same as yesterday, except that the worse weather today had sent the sparrows to find shelter and kept the cat inside. However, she soon came out, chased by the cook, and looked like she had the better half of a roast chicken in her mouth. The young man in the dress coat was nowhere to be seen; the two children downstairs appeared to be playing around the room under the watch of a nanny. The damask curtains in the drawing room on the first floor were fully drawn, elegantly hanging from the top to the bottom of the windows that stretched from the ceiling to the floor. A narrower window to the left of the drawing room illuminated what was likely a small boudoir, where I caught the faintest glimpse of a girl's silhouette in light fabric. Her arm was moving rhythmically, as if she were working on her German worsted or some other pretty but pointless craft.
While intent upon making out this girlish shape, I became sensible that a figure had appeared at one of the windows of the drawing-room. There was a presentiment in my mind; or perhaps my first glance, imperfect and sidelong as it was, had sufficed to convey subtile information of the truth. At any rate, it was with no positive surprise, but as if I had all along expected the incident, that, directing my eyes thitherward, I beheld—like a full-length picture, in the space between the heavy festoons of the window curtains—no other than Zenobia! At the same instant, my thoughts made sure of the identity of the figure in the boudoir. It could only be Priscilla.
While focused on figuring out this girlish shape, I realized that a figure had appeared at one of the windows in the drawing room. I had a feeling in my gut; or maybe my first glance, which was quick and not clear, was enough to hint at the truth. Regardless, I wasn’t really surprised, as if I had somehow expected this moment all along. When I turned my gaze toward the window, I saw—like a full-length portrait framed by the heavy drapes—none other than Zenobia! At the same moment, I was certain about the identity of the figure in the boudoir. It could only be Priscilla.
Zenobia was attired, not in the almost rustic costume which she had heretofore worn, but in a fashionable morning-dress. There was, nevertheless, one familiar point. She had, as usual, a flower in her hair, brilliant and of a rare variety, else it had not been Zenobia. After a brief pause at the window, she turned away, exemplifying, in the few steps that removed her out of sight, that noble and beautiful motion which characterized her as much as any other personal charm. Not one woman in a thousand could move so admirably as Zenobia. Many women can sit gracefully; some can stand gracefully; and a few, perhaps, can assume a series of graceful positions. But natural movement is the result and expression of the whole being, and cannot be well and nobly performed unless responsive to something in the character. I often used to think that music—light and airy, wild and passionate, or the full harmony of stately marches, in accordance with her varying mood—should have attended Zenobia's footsteps.
Zenobia dressed differently today, not in the almost rustic outfit she usually wore, but in a stylish morning dress. However, there was one familiar detail: she had a flower in her hair, vivid and unique, because that was quintessentially Zenobia. After a brief pause at the window, she turned away, showcasing with every step she took out of view that graceful and dignified movement that was as much a part of her charm as anything else. Not one woman in a thousand could move as elegantly as Zenobia. Many women can sit gracefully; some can stand gracefully; and a few, perhaps, can strike a series of graceful poses. But true natural movement reflects and expresses the whole person and can only be performed magnificently when it resonates with something in their character. I often thought that music—light and airy, wild and passionate, or the full harmony of stately marches, fitting her changing mood—should have accompanied Zenobia’s steps.
I waited for her reappearance. It was one peculiarity, distinguishing Zenobia from most of her sex, that she needed for her moral well-being, and never would forego, a large amount of physical exercise. At Blithedale, no inclemency of sky or muddiness of earth had ever impeded her daily walks. Here in town, she probably preferred to tread the extent of the two drawing-rooms, and measure out the miles by spaces of forty feet, rather than bedraggle her skirts over the sloppy pavements. Accordingly, in about the time requisite to pass through the arch of the sliding-doors to the front window, and to return upon her steps, there she stood again, between the festoons of the crimson curtains. But another personage was now added to the scene. Behind Zenobia appeared that face which I had first encountered in the wood-path; the man who had passed, side by side with her, in such mysterious familiarity and estrangement, beneath my vine curtained hermitage in the tall pine-tree. It was Westervelt. And though he was looking closely over her shoulder, it still seemed to me, as on the former occasion, that Zenobia repelled him,—that, perchance, they mutually repelled each other, by some incompatibility of their spheres.
I waited for her to come back. One thing that set Zenobia apart from most women was her need for a lot of physical activity for her well-being, something she would never give up. At Blithedale, not even the worst weather or muddy ground had ever stopped her daily walks. Here in the city, she likely preferred to pace around the two drawing rooms, counting her steps in forty-foot increments, rather than getting her skirts dirty on the wet sidewalks. So, in about the time it took to walk through the sliding doors to the front window and back, there she was again, standing between the flowing crimson curtains. But now, there was another person in the room. Behind Zenobia stood the face I had first seen on the path in the woods; the man who had walked alongside her in such a mysterious mix of intimacy and distance beneath my vine-covered hideaway in the tall pine tree. It was Westervelt. And even though he was closely hovering over her shoulder, it still felt to me, as it had before, that Zenobia was pushing him away—perhaps they were both pushing each other away due to some clash in their worlds.
This impression, however, might have been altogether the result of fancy and prejudice in me. The distance was so great as to obliterate any play of feature by which I might otherwise have been made a partaker of their counsels.
This feeling, however, could have just been my imagination and bias. The distance was so far that I couldn’t see any expressions that might have allowed me to share in their discussions.
There now needed only Hollingsworth and old Moodie to complete the knot of characters, whom a real intricacy of events, greatly assisted by my method of insulating them from other relations, had kept so long upon my mental stage, as actors in a drama. In itself, perhaps, it was no very remarkable event that they should thus come across me, at the moment when I imagined myself free. Zenobia, as I well knew, had retained an establishment in town, and had not unfrequently withdrawn herself from Blithedale during brief intervals, on one of which occasions she had taken Priscilla along with her. Nevertheless, there seemed something fatal in the coincidence that had borne me to this one spot, of all others in a great city, and transfixed me there, and compelled me again to waste my already wearied sympathies on affairs which were none of mine, and persons who cared little for me. It irritated my nerves; it affected me with a kind of heart-sickness. After the effort which it cost me to fling them off,—after consummating my escape, as I thought, from these goblins of flesh and blood, and pausing to revive myself with a breath or two of an atmosphere in which they should have no share,—it was a positive despair to find the same figures arraying themselves before me, and presenting their old problem in a shape that made it more insoluble than ever.
Now, all that was needed were Hollingsworth and old Moodie to complete the group of characters, who had been kept on my mental stage for so long, like actors in a play, due to a complicated series of events and my way of isolating them from other connections. It wasn’t surprising that they happened to encounter me just when I thought I was free. Zenobia, as I knew well, had kept a place in the city and had often taken breaks from Blithedale, once even bringing Priscilla with her. Still, there felt like something doomed about the chance that had brought me to this one spot in a vast city and pinned me there, forcing me to waste my already drained emotions on matters that weren’t mine and people who were indifferent to me. It frayed my nerves and gave me a sort of heart sickness. After the effort it took to shake them off—after I thought I had finally escaped from these flesh-and-blood specters, and paused to rejuvenate myself with a breath of air free from them—it was utterly despairing to see the same figures lining up before me again, presenting their old dilemma in a way that made it even harder to solve.
I began to long for a catastrophe. If the noble temper of Hollingsworth's soul were doomed to be utterly corrupted by the too powerful purpose which had grown out of what was noblest in him; if the rich and generous qualities of Zenobia's womanhood might not save her; if Priscilla must perish by her tenderness and faith, so simple and so devout, then be it so! Let it all come! As for me, I would look on, as it seemed my part to do, understandingly, if my intellect could fathom the meaning and the moral, and, at all events, reverently and sadly. The curtain fallen, I would pass onward with my poor individual life, which was now attenuated of much of its proper substance, and diffused among many alien interests.
I started to wish for a disaster. If Hollingsworth's noble spirit was destined to be completely ruined by the powerful ambition that had emerged from his best qualities; if Zenobia's rich and generous traits as a woman couldn't save her; if Priscilla had to suffer because of her simple and sincere kindness and faith, then so be it! Let it all happen! As for me, I would watch, as it seemed to be my role, trying to understand the meaning and the lesson, and in any case, doing so with respect and sadness. When it was all over, I would move on with my own diminished life, which had lost much of its true essence, now spread across many other concerns.
Meanwhile, Zenobia and her companion had retreated from the window. Then followed an interval, during which I directed my eves towards the figure in the boudoir. Most certainly it was Priscilla, although dressed with a novel and fanciful elegance. The vague perception of it, as viewed so far off, impressed me as if she had suddenly passed out of a chrysalis state and put forth wings. Her hands were not now in motion. She had dropt her work, and sat with her head thrown back, in the same attitude that I had seen several times before, when she seemed to be listening to an imperfectly distinguished sound.
Meanwhile, Zenobia and her friend moved away from the window. Then there was a pause, during which I focused my gaze on the figure in the boudoir. It was definitely Priscilla, although she was dressed in a stylish and imaginative way. From a distance, it felt like she had suddenly emerged from a cocoon and spread her wings. Her hands were no longer moving. She had dropped her work and was sitting back, in the same position I had seen her in several times before, as if she were listening to a barely audible sound.
Again the two figures in the drawing-room became visible. They were now a little withdrawn from the window, face to face, and, as I could see by Zenobia's emphatic gestures, were discussing some subject in which she, at least, felt a passionate concern. By and by she broke away, and vanished beyond my ken. Westervelt approached the window, and leaned his forehead against a pane of glass, displaying the sort of smile on his handsome features which, when I before met him, had let me into the secret of his gold-bordered teeth. Every human being, when given over to the Devil, is sure to have the wizard mark upon him, in one form or another. I fancied that this smile, with its peculiar revelation, was the Devil's signet on the Professor.
Once again, the two figures in the drawing room came into view. They had moved a little away from the window, standing face to face, and I could tell from Zenobia's emphatic gestures that they were discussing something she felt very passionately about. After a while, she pulled away and disappeared from my sight. Westervelt approached the window and leaned his forehead against the glass, wearing a smile on his handsome face that reminded me of when I first met him and noticed his gold-bordered teeth. Every person who has given themselves over to the Devil is bound to show some kind of mark, in one way or another. I imagined that this smile, with its strange revelation, was the Devil’s signature on the Professor.
This man, as I had soon reason to know, was endowed with a cat-like circumspection; and though precisely the most unspiritual quality in the world, it was almost as effective as spiritual insight in making him acquainted with whatever it suited him to discover. He now proved it, considerably to my discomfiture, by detecting and recognizing me, at my post of observation. Perhaps I ought to have blushed at being caught in such an evident scrutiny of Professor Westervelt and his affairs. Perhaps I did blush. Be that as it might, I retained presence of mind enough not to make my position yet more irksome by the poltroonery of drawing back.
This man, as I quickly realized, had a cat-like ability to be cautious; and although it was the least spiritual trait imaginable, it was almost as effective as spiritual insight in helping him find out whatever he wanted to know. He demonstrated this now, much to my embarrassment, by spotting and recognizing me at my observation point. Maybe I should have felt ashamed for being caught watching Professor Westervelt and his business. Maybe I did feel ashamed. Regardless, I managed to stay calm enough not to worsen my situation by cowardly retreating.
Westervelt looked into the depths of the drawing-room, and beckoned. Immediately afterwards Zenobia appeared at the window, with color much heightened, and eyes which, as my conscience whispered me, were shooting bright arrows, barbed with scorn, across the intervening space, directed full at my sensibilities as a gentleman. If the truth must be told, far as her flight-shot was, those arrows hit the mark. She signified her recognition of me by a gesture with her head and hand, comprising at once a salutation and dismissal. The next moment she administered one of those pitiless rebukes which a woman always has at hand, ready for any offence (and which she so seldom spares on due occasion), by letting down a white linen curtain between the festoons of the damask ones. It fell like the drop-curtain of a theatre, in the interval between the acts.
Westervelt glanced into the drawing-room and waved. Soon after, Zenobia appeared at the window, her face flushed and her eyes, as my conscience nudged me, shooting sharp looks filled with scorn straight at my gentlemanly sensibilities. Honestly, as far off as her insult was, it still hit its target. She acknowledged me with a nod and a wave, which was both a greeting and a farewell. In the next moment, she delivered one of those merciless criticisms that every woman keeps ready for any slight (and rarely holds back when it counts) by pulling down a white linen curtain between the decorative damask ones. It fell like a theater's drop curtain between acts.
Priscilla had disappeared from the boudoir. But the dove still kept her desolate perch on the peak of the attic window.
Priscilla had vanished from the boudoir. But the dove still held her lonely spot on the edge of the attic window.
XIX. ZENOBIA'S DRAWING-ROOM
The remainder of the day, so far as I was concerned, was spent in meditating on these recent incidents. I contrived, and alternately rejected, innumerable methods of accounting for the presence of Zenobia and Priscilla, and the connection of Westervelt with both. It must be owned, too, that I had a keen, revengeful sense of the insult inflicted by Zenobia's scornful recognition, and more particularly by her letting down the curtain; as if such were the proper barrier to be interposed between a character like hers and a perceptive faculty like mine. For, was mine a mere vulgar curiosity? Zenobia should have known me better than to suppose it. She should have been able to appreciate that quality of the intellect and the heart which impelled me (often against my own will, and to the detriment of my own comfort) to live in other lives, and to endeavor—by generous sympathies, by delicate intuitions, by taking note of things too slight for record, and by bringing my human spirit into manifold accordance with the companions whom God assigned me—to learn the secret which was hidden even from themselves.
The rest of the day, as far as I was concerned, was spent thinking about these recent events. I came up with and then dismissed countless ways to explain the presence of Zenobia and Priscilla, as well as Westervelt's connection to both. I must admit, too, that I felt a strong, vengeful sense of the insult caused by Zenobia's scornful acknowledgment, especially when she let down the curtain; as if that were the appropriate barrier to put between someone like her and my perceptive nature. After all, was my curiosity just a shallow fascination? Zenobia should have known me better than that. She should have recognized that the qualities of both the mind and heart drove me (often against my will and to my own discomfort) to experience other lives, to try—through deep empathy, subtle insights, paying attention to things too minor to document, and aligning my human spirit with those assigned to me by fate—to uncover the truth that was hidden even from them.
Of all possible observers, methought a woman like Zenobia and a man like Hollingsworth should have selected me. And now when the event has long been past, I retain the same opinion of my fitness for the office. True, I might have condemned them. Had I been judge as well as witness, my sentence might have been stern as that of destiny itself. But, still, no trait of original nobility of character, no struggle against temptation,—no iron necessity of will, on the one hand, nor extenuating circumstance to be derived from passion and despair, on the other,—no remorse that might coexist with error, even if powerless to prevent it,—no proud repentance that should claim retribution as a meed,—would go unappreciated. True, again, I might give my full assent to the punishment which was sure to follow. But it would be given mournfully, and with undiminished love. And, after all was finished, I would come as if to gather up the white ashes of those who had perished at the stake, and to tell the world—the wrong being now atoned for—how much had perished there which it had never yet known how to praise.
Of all the possible observers, I thought that a woman like Zenobia and a man like Hollingsworth would have picked me. Now, even after so much time has passed, I still feel that I would have been a good choice for the role. Sure, I could have judged them harshly. If I had been both judge and witness, my verdict might have been as harsh as fate itself. But still, I would have recognized any signs of true nobility in their character, any struggles against temptation—neither the absolute strength of will nor any mitigating circumstances arising from passion and despair, nor any remorse that could exist alongside error, even if it couldn't stop it—nor would I overlook any proud repentance that sought retribution as deserved. Again, I might fully agree with the punishment that was sure to come, but I would do so with sadness and undiminished love. And after everything was over, I would come as if to gather the white ashes of those who had burned at the stake, to tell the world—now that the wrong had been righted—how much had been lost there that it had never learned to appreciate.
I sat in my rocking-chair, too far withdrawn from the window to expose myself to another rebuke like that already inflicted. My eyes still wandered towards the opposite house, but without effecting any new discoveries. Late in the afternoon, the weathercock on the church spire indicated a change of wind; the sun shone dimly out, as if the golden wine of its beams were mingled half-and-half with water. Nevertheless, they kindled up the whole range of edifices, threw a glow over the windows, glistened on the wet roofs, and, slowly withdrawing upward, perched upon the chimney-tops; thence they took a higher flight, and lingered an instant on the tip of the spire, making it the final point of more cheerful light in the whole sombre scene. The next moment, it was all gone. The twilight fell into the area like a shower of dusky snow, and before it was quite dark, the gong of the hotel summoned me to tea.
I sat in my rocking chair, too far from the window to risk another scolding like the one I had already received. My eyes drifted toward the house across the street, but I didn’t spot anything new. Late in the afternoon, the weather vane on the church spire signaled a change in the wind; the sun peeked through dimly, as if its golden rays were mixed half-and-half with water. Still, they lit up the whole row of buildings, casting a glow over the windows, shining on the wet roofs, and slowly rising above, resting on the chimney tops; from there, they soared higher and lingered for a moment on the tip of the spire, making it the brightest spot in the otherwise gloomy scene. Then, just like that, it was gone. Twilight fell into the area like a shower of dark snow, and before it got too dark, the hotel’s gong called me to tea.
When I returned to my chamber, the glow of an astral lamp was penetrating mistily through the white curtain of Zenobia's drawing-room. The shadow of a passing figure was now and then cast upon this medium, but with too vague an outline for even my adventurous conjectures to read the hieroglyphic that it presented.
When I got back to my room, the light from an astral lamp was softly shining through the white curtain of Zenobia's living room. The shadow of someone passing by occasionally fell on this backdrop, but it was too unclear for even my wild guesses to make sense of the shape it created.
All at once, it occurred to me how very absurd was my behavior in thus tormenting myself with crazy hypotheses as to what was going on within that drawing-room, when it was at my option to be personally present there, My relations with Zenobia, as yet unchanged,—as a familiar friend, and associated in the same life-long enterprise,—gave me the right, and made it no more than kindly courtesy demanded, to call on her. Nothing, except our habitual independence of conventional rules at Blithedale, could have kept me from sooner recognizing this duty. At all events, it should now be performed.
Suddenly, it hit me how ridiculous I was being by torturing myself with wild guesses about what was happening in that drawing-room when I could easily go there myself. My relationship with Zenobia, which was still the same—like a close friend and partner in our lifelong project—gave me the right, and it was only polite, to visit her. The only thing that could have stopped me from realizing this obligation earlier was our usual disregard for social norms at Blithedale. Either way, I needed to do this now.
In compliance with this sudden impulse, I soon found myself actually within the house, the rear of which, for two days past, I had been so sedulously watching. A servant took my card, and, immediately returning, ushered me upstairs. On the way, I heard a rich, and, as it were, triumphant burst of music from a piano, in which I felt Zenobia's character, although heretofore I had known nothing of her skill upon the instrument. Two or three canary-birds, excited by this gush of sound, sang piercingly, and did their utmost to produce a kindred melody. A bright illumination streamed through, the door of the front drawing-room; and I had barely stept across the threshold before Zenobia came forward to meet me, laughing, and with an extended hand.
Acting on this sudden urge, I soon found myself inside the house I had been watching so closely for the past two days. A servant took my card and quickly led me upstairs. On the way up, I heard a rich and triumphant burst of music from a piano that seemed to capture Zenobia's personality, even though I had no idea she was skilled at playing. Two or three canary birds, stirred up by the sound, sang loudly, trying their best to match the melody. A bright light shone through the front drawing-room door, and just as I stepped over the threshold, Zenobia came forward to greet me, laughing and reaching out her hand.
"Ah, Mr. Coverdale," said she, still smiling, but, as I thought, with a good deal of scornful anger underneath, "it has gratified me to see the interest which you continue to take in my affairs! I have long recognized you as a sort of transcendental Yankee, with all the native propensity of your countrymen to investigate matters that come within their range, but rendered almost poetical, in your case, by the refined methods which you adopt for its gratification. After all, it was an unjustifiable stroke, on my part,—was it not?—to let down the window curtain!"
"Ah, Mr. Coverdale," she said, still smiling, but I sensed a lot of scornful anger beneath it, "I’m pleased to see the interest you keep taking in my life! I’ve long seen you as a kind of lofty Yankee, with all the natural curiosity of your fellow countrymen to dig into things that catch their attention, but in your case, it’s almost poetic because of the refined ways you approach it. After all, it was an unfair move on my part, wasn’t it?—to let down the window curtain!"
"I cannot call it a very wise one," returned I, with a secret bitterness, which, no doubt, Zenobia appreciated. "It is really impossible to hide anything in this world, to say nothing of the next. All that we ought to ask, therefore, is, that the witnesses of our conduct, and the speculators on our motives, should be capable of taking the highest view which the circumstances of the case may admit. So much being secured, I, for one, would be most happy in feeling myself followed everywhere by an indefatigable human sympathy."
"I can't say it's a very wise choice," I replied, with a hidden bitterness that, without a doubt, Zenobia understood. "It's truly impossible to hide anything in this world, let alone in the next. What we should really hope for is that those who observe our actions and speculate on our intentions can take the most enlightened perspective given the situation. If that can be ensured, I, for one, would be very happy to feel that I was followed everywhere by unwavering human support."
"We must trust for intelligent sympathy to our guardian angels, if any there be," said Zenobia. "As long as the only spectator of my poor tragedy is a young man at the window of his hotel, I must still claim the liberty to drop the curtain."
"We must rely on our guardian angels, if they exist," Zenobia said. "As long as the only person watching my sad story is a young man at his hotel window, I still have the right to end the show."
While this passed, as Zenobia's hand was extended, I had applied the very slightest touch of my fingers to her own. In spite of an external freedom, her manner made me sensible that we stood upon no real terms of confidence. The thought came sadly across me, how great was the contrast betwixt this interview and our first meeting. Then, in the warm light of the country fireside, Zenobia had greeted me cheerily and hopefully, with a full sisterly grasp of the hand, conveying as much kindness in it as other women could have evinced by the pressure of both arms around my neck, or by yielding a cheek to the brotherly salute. The difference was as complete as between her appearance at that time—so simply attired, and with only the one superb flower in her hair—and now, when her beauty was set off by all that dress and ornament could do for it. And they did much. Not, indeed, that they created or added anything to what Nature had lavishly done for Zenobia. But, those costly robes which she had on, those flaming jewels on her neck, served as lamps to display the personal advantages which required nothing less than such an illumination to be fully seen. Even her characteristic flower, though it seemed to be still there, had undergone a cold and bright transfiguration; it was a flower exquisitely imitated in jeweller's work, and imparting the last touch that transformed Zenobia into a work of art.
While this was happening, as Zenobia's hand was reaching out, I had barely touched my fingers to hers. Despite her outward ease, her demeanor made it clear that we weren't truly comfortable with each other. It struck me sadly how stark the difference was between this meeting and our first encounter. Back then, in the warm light of the country fireside, Zenobia had greeted me with cheer and hope, giving me a strong sisterly handshake that expressed as much warmth as any other woman could with an embrace or a friendly kiss. The change was as clear as the difference between her appearance then—so simply dressed, with just one stunning flower in her hair—and now, when her beauty was enhanced by all the clothing and accessories that money could buy. And they did a lot. Not that they created or added anything to what Nature had already given Zenobia. But those expensive robes she wore, those bright jewels around her neck, acted like spotlights to showcase her natural beauty, which needed such illumination to be fully appreciated. Even her signature flower, though it looked like it was still there, had undergone a cold and dazzling transformation; it was a flower beautifully crafted by a jeweler, giving Zenobia the final touch that made her look like a piece of art.
"I scarcely feel," I could not forbear saying, "as if we had ever met before. How many years ago it seems since we last sat beneath Eliot's pulpit, with Hollingsworth extended on the fallen leaves, and Priscilla at his feet! Can it be, Zenobia, that you ever really numbered yourself with our little band of earnest, thoughtful, philanthropic laborers?"
"I can hardly believe," I couldn't help but say, "that we've ever met before. It feels like ages since we last sat under Eliot's pulpit, with Hollingsworth stretched out on the fallen leaves and Priscilla at his feet! Can it be, Zenobia, that you ever actually considered yourself part of our small group of dedicated, reflective, philanthropic workers?"
"Those ideas have their time and place," she answered coldly. "But I fancy it must be a very circumscribed mind that can find room for no other."
"Those ideas have their time and place," she replied coolly. "But I believe it must take a very narrow-minded person to only make space for those."
Her manner bewildered me. Literally, moreover, I was dazzled by the brilliancy of the room. A chandelier hung down in the centre, glowing with I know not how many lights; there were separate lamps, also, on two or three tables, and on marble brackets, adding their white radiance to that of the chandelier. The furniture was exceedingly rich. Fresh from our old farmhouse, with its homely board and benches in the dining-room, and a few wicker chairs in the best parlor, it struck me that here was the fulfilment of every fantasy of an imagination revelling in various methods of costly self-indulgence and splendid ease. Pictures, marbles, vases,—in brief, more shapes of luxury than there could be any object in enumerating, except for an auctioneer's advertisement,—and the whole repeated and doubled by the reflection of a great mirror, which showed me Zenobia's proud figure, likewise, and my own. It cost me, I acknowledge, a bitter sense of shame, to perceive in myself a positive effort to bear up against the effect which Zenobia sought to impose on me. I reasoned against her, in my secret mind, and strove so to keep my footing. In the gorgeousness with which she had surrounded herself,—in the redundance of personal ornament, which the largeness of her physical nature and the rich type of her beauty caused to seem so suitable,—I malevolently beheld the true character of the woman, passionate, luxurious, lacking simplicity, not deeply refined, incapable of pure and perfect taste. But, the next instant, she was too powerful for all my opposing struggles. I saw how fit it was that she should make herself as gorgeous as she pleased, and should do a thousand things that would have been ridiculous in the poor, thin, weakly characters of other women. To this day, however, I hardly know whether I then beheld Zenobia in her truest attitude, or whether that were the truer one in which she had presented herself at Blithedale. In both, there was something like the illusion which a great actress flings around her.
Her demeanor confused me. Honestly, I was also mesmerized by how bright the room was. A chandelier hung in the center, glowing with I don’t know how many lights; there were additional lamps on two or three tables and on marble shelves, contributing their white light to that of the chandelier. The furniture was incredibly luxurious. Coming from our old farmhouse with its simple wooden table and benches in the dining room and a few wicker chairs in the nicer parlor, I felt like this was a realization of every dream of indulgence and comfort. There were pictures, sculptures, vases—in short, more forms of luxury than could be listed, except in an auctioneer's catalog—and everything was reflected repeatedly in a large mirror that showed both Zenobia's proud figure and my own. I admit it filled me with a bitter sense of shame to realize that I was actively trying to resist the effect Zenobia was trying to have on me. I argued with myself in secret and struggled to keep my composure. In the lavishness she surrounded herself with—in the excess of adornment that suited her large frame and rich beauty—I saw the true nature of the woman, passionate, indulgent, lacking simplicity, not deeply refined, and incapable of pure taste. But in the next moment, she was too compelling for all my resistance. I recognized how fitting it was for her to be as glamorous as she wanted and to do things that would have seemed ridiculous for the frail, weak characters of other women. However, to this day, I still don’t know if I truly saw Zenobia in her most authentic self or if she was more genuine when she presented herself at Blithedale. In both instances, there was something like the illusion a great actress creates around herself.
"Have you given up Blithedale forever?" I inquired.
"Have you given up on Blithedale for good?" I asked.
"Why should you think so?" asked she.
"Why do you think that?" she asked.
"I cannot tell," answered I; "except that it appears all like a dream that we were ever there together."
"I can't say," I replied; "except that it all feels like a dream that we were ever there together."
"It is not so to me," said Zenobia. "I should think it a poor and meagre nature that is capable of but one set of forms, and must convert all the past into a dream merely because the present happens to be unlike it. Why should we be content with our homely life of a few months past, to the exclusion of all other modes? It was good; but there are other lives as good, or better. Not, you will understand, that I condemn those who give themselves up to it more entirely than I, for myself, should deem it wise to do."
"It’s not like that for me," said Zenobia. "I would consider it a poor and limited perspective that can only accept one way of living and has to turn the past into just a dream because the present feels different. Why should we settle for our simple life from a few months ago and ignore all other possibilities? It was good, but there are other lives that are just as good, or even better. Not that I judge those who dive into it more completely than I would think is wise."
It irritated me, this self-complacent, condescending, qualified approval and criticism of a system to which many individuals—perhaps as highly endowed as our gorgeous Zenobia—had contributed their all of earthly endeavor, and their loftiest aspirations. I determined to make proof if there were any spell that would exorcise her out of the part which she seemed to be acting. She should be compelled to give me a glimpse of something true; some nature, some passion, no matter whether right or wrong, provided it were real.
It annoyed me, this self-satisfied, patronizing, half-hearted approval and criticism of a system that many people—maybe even as talented as our beautiful Zenobia—had put their whole effort and highest hopes into. I decided to see if there was any way to cast her out of the role she seemed to be playing. She needed to show me something real; some part of herself, some feeling, whether it was right or wrong, as long as it was genuine.
"Your allusion to that class of circumscribed characters who can live only in one mode of life," remarked I coolly, "reminds me of our poor friend Hollingsworth. Possibly he was in your thoughts when you spoke thus. Poor fellow! It is a pity that, by the fault of a narrow education, he should have so completely immolated himself to that one idea of his, especially as the slightest modicum of common-sense would teach him its utter impracticability. Now that I have returned into the world, and can look at his project from a distance, it requires quite all my real regard for this respectable and well-intentioned man to prevent me laughing at him,—as I find society at large does."
"Your reference to those limited individuals who can only thrive in one way of life," I said calmly, "reminds me of our poor friend Hollingsworth. You might have had him in mind when you mentioned that. Poor guy! It's unfortunate that, due to a restrictive education, he has devoted himself entirely to that single idea of his, especially when even a little common sense would show him how unrealistic it is. Now that I'm back in the world and can view his project from a distance, it takes all my genuine respect for this decent and well-meaning man to keep me from laughing at him—as I see that society at large does."
Zenobia's eyes darted lightning, her cheeks flushed, the vividness of her expression was like the effect of a powerful light flaming up suddenly within her. My experiment had fully succeeded. She had shown me the true flesh and blood of her heart, by thus involuntarily resenting my slight, pitying, half-kind, half-scornful mention of the man who was all in all with her. She herself probably felt this; for it was hardly a moment before she tranquillized her uneven breath, and seemed as proud and self-possessed as ever.
Zenobia's eyes flashed with intensity, her cheeks reddened, and her expression was as striking as a sudden burst of bright light. My experiment had completely worked. She revealed the true essence of her feelings when she involuntarily reacted to my slight, pitying, half-kind, half-scornful mention of the man who meant everything to her. She likely recognized this too; because it was hardly a moment before she calmed her uneven breathing and appeared just as proud and composed as ever.
"I rather imagine," said she quietly, "that your appreciation falls short of Mr. Hollingsworth's just claims. Blind enthusiasm, absorption in one idea, I grant, is generally ridiculous, and must be fatal to the respectability of an ordinary man; it requires a very high and powerful character to make it otherwise. But a great man—as, perhaps, you do not know—attains his normal condition only through the inspiration of one great idea. As a friend of Mr. Hollingsworth, and, at the same time, a calm observer, I must tell you that he seems to me such a man. But you are very pardonable for fancying him ridiculous. Doubtless, he is so—to you! There can be no truer test of the noble and heroic, in any individual, than the degree in which he possesses the faculty of distinguishing heroism from absurdity."
"I imagine," she said quietly, "that you might not fully appreciate Mr. Hollingsworth's rightful claims. I agree that blind enthusiasm and being fixated on one idea can often seem ridiculous and can be damaging to an ordinary person's reputation; it takes a truly strong and exceptional character to pull it off. However, a great man—who you might not recognize—only reaches his true self through the inspiration of one significant idea. As a friend of Mr. Hollingsworth and an impartial observer, I have to say he seems to me to be such a person. But I can understand why you find him ridiculous. To you, he likely is! There’s no better way to measure the noble and heroic qualities in someone than by how well they can tell the difference between heroism and absurdity."
I dared make no retort to Zenobia's concluding apothegm. In truth, I admired her fidelity. It gave me a new sense of Hollingsworth's native power, to discover that his influence was no less potent with this beautiful woman here, in the midst of artificial life, than it had been at the foot of the gray rock, and among the wild birch-trees of the wood-path, when she so passionately pressed his hand against her heart. The great, rude, shaggy, swarthy man! And Zenobia loved him!
I didn't dare respond to Zenobia's final remark. Honestly, I admired her loyalty. It gave me a fresh perspective on Hollingsworth's natural charisma to see that his impact was just as strong with this beautiful woman here in the midst of artificial life as it had been at the base of the gray rock and among the wild birch trees along the path when she passionately pressed his hand to her heart. The big, rough, dark man! And Zenobia loved him!
"Did you bring Priscilla with you?" I resumed. "Do you know I have sometimes fancied it not quite safe, considering the susceptibility of her temperament, that she should be so constantly within the sphere of a man like Hollingsworth. Such tender and delicate natures, among your sex, have often, I believe, a very adequate appreciation of the heroic element in men. But then, again, I should suppose them as likely as any other women to make a reciprocal impression. Hollingsworth could hardly give his affections to a person capable of taking an independent stand, but only to one whom he might absorb into himself. He has certainly shown great tenderness for Priscilla."
"Did you bring Priscilla with you?" I continued. "You know, I've sometimes worried that it might not be safe for her, given her sensitive nature, to be around someone like Hollingsworth all the time. Gentle and delicate personalities among your kind often seem to have a good understanding of the heroic qualities in men. But I also think they’re just as likely as any other women to leave a lasting impression. Hollingsworth would hardly fall for someone who could stand on their own; he’s more drawn to those he can completely absorb into himself. He has definitely shown a lot of care for Priscilla."
Zenobia had turned aside. But I caught the reflection of her face in the mirror, and saw that it was very pale,—as pale, in her rich attire, as if a shroud were round her.
Zenobia had turned away. But I caught a glimpse of her face in the mirror and saw that it was very pale—so pale, in her elegant dress, it looked like she was wrapped in a shroud.
"Priscilla is here," said she, her voice a little lower than usual. "Have not you learnt as much from your chamber window? Would you like to see her?"
"Priscilla is here," she said, her voice slightly quieter than usual. "Haven't you figured that out from your bedroom window? Do you want to see her?"
She made a step or two into the back drawing-room, and called,—"Priscilla! Dear Priscilla!"
She stepped a couple of paces into the back drawing room and called, "Priscilla! Sweet Priscilla!"
XX. THEY VANISH
Priscilla immediately answered the summons, and made her appearance through the door of the boudoir. I had conceived the idea, which I now recognized as a very foolish one, that Zenobia would have taken measures to debar me from an interview with this girl, between whom and herself there was so utter an opposition of their dearest interests, that, on one part or the other, a great grief, if not likewise a great wrong, seemed a matter of necessity. But, as Priscilla was only a leaf floating on the dark current of events, without influencing them by her own choice or plan, as she probably guessed not whither the stream was bearing her, nor perhaps even felt its inevitable movement,—there could be no peril of her communicating to me any intelligence with regard to Zenobia's purposes.
Priscilla quickly responded to the call and entered through the door of the boudoir. I had convinced myself, a thought I now recognized as quite silly, that Zenobia would have done something to keep me from talking to this girl, especially since their interests clashed so dramatically that, inevitably, one of them would face a great sorrow, if not a grave injustice. However, since Priscilla was just a leaf drifting along the dark waters of events, not controlling them by her own decisions or intentions, she likely had no idea where the current was taking her, nor did she possibly even sense its unstoppable flow—there was no danger of her giving me any information about Zenobia's plans.
On perceiving me, she came forward with great quietude of manner; and when I held out my hand, her own moved slightly towards it, as if attracted by a feeble degree of magnetism.
Upon seeing me, she stepped forward with a calm demeanor; and when I extended my hand, hers moved a little toward it, as if pulled by a faint magnetism.
"I am glad to see you, my dear Priscilla," said I, still holding her hand; "but everything that I meet with nowadays makes me wonder whether I am awake. You, especially, have always seemed like a figure in a dream, and now more than ever."
"I’m so happy to see you, my dear Priscilla," I said, still holding her hand. "But everything I come across these days makes me question whether I’m really awake. You, in particular, have always felt like someone out of a dream, and now it feels even more so."
"Oh, there is substance in these fingers of mine," she answered, giving my hand the faintest possible pressure, and then taking away her own. "Why do you call me a dream? Zenobia is much more like one than I; she is so very, very beautiful! And, I suppose," added Priscilla, as if thinking aloud, "everybody sees it, as I do."
"Oh, there's real feeling in these fingers of mine," she replied, giving my hand the lightest squeeze before pulling hers away. "Why do you call me a dream? Zenobia is way more like one than I am; she's incredibly beautiful! And I guess," Priscilla continued, almost to herself, "everyone sees it, just like I do."
But, for my part, it was Priscilla's beauty, not Zenobia's, of which I was thinking at that moment. She was a person who could be quite obliterated, so far as beauty went, by anything unsuitable in her attire; her charm was not positive and material enough to bear up against a mistaken choice of color, for instance, or fashion. It was safest, in her case, to attempt no art of dress; for it demanded the most perfect taste, or else the happiest accident in the world, to give her precisely the adornment which she needed. She was now dressed in pure white, set off with some kind of a gauzy fabric, which—as I bring up her figure in my memory, with a faint gleam on her shadowy hair, and her dark eyes bent shyly on mine, through all the vanished years—seems to be floating about her like a mist. I wondered what Zenobia meant by evolving so much loveliness out of this poor girl. It was what few women could afford to do; for, as I looked from one to the other, the sheen and splendor of Zenobia's presence took nothing from Priscilla's softer spell, if it might not rather be thought to add to it.
But for me, it was Priscilla's beauty, not Zenobia's, that I was thinking about at that moment. She was someone whose beauty could easily be overshadowed by anything inappropriate in her outfit; her charm wasn't strong enough to withstand a bad choice of color, for example, or style. In her case, it was safest not to try anything extravagant with her clothing because it took either perfect taste or the luckiest coincidence to give her the exact look she needed. Right now, she was wearing pure white, complemented by some kind of gauzy fabric that— as I recall her figure with a soft glow on her shadowy hair and her dark eyes shyly meeting mine through all the years gone by—seems to float around her like mist. I wondered what Zenobia expected by drawing so much beauty out of this poor girl. It was something few women could manage; as I compared the two, the shine and magnificence of Zenobia's presence didn’t diminish Priscilla's gentler allure; if anything, it seemed to enhance it.
"What do you think of her?" asked Zenobia.
"What do you think of her?" Zenobia asked.
I could not understand the look of melancholy kindness with which Zenobia regarded her. She advanced a step, and beckoning Priscilla near her, kissed her cheek; then, with a slight gesture of repulse, she moved to the other side of the room. I followed.
I couldn’t figure out the sad but kind look that Zenobia gave her. She took a step forward, motioned for Priscilla to come closer, and kissed her cheek; then, with a small gesture of rejection, she moved to the other side of the room. I followed her.
"She is a wonderful creature," I said. "Ever since she came among us, I have been dimly sensible of just this charm which you have brought out. But it was never absolutely visible till now. She is as lovely as a flower!"
"She's an amazing person," I said. "Ever since she joined us, I've felt this charm that you've highlighted. But it was never completely clear until now. She's as beautiful as a flower!"
"Well, say so if you like," answered Zenobia. "You are a poet,—at least, as poets go nowadays,—and must be allowed to make an opera-glass of your imagination, when you look at women. I wonder, in such Arcadian freedom of falling in love as we have lately enjoyed, it never occurred to you to fall in love with Priscilla. In society, indeed, a genuine American never dreams of stepping across the inappreciable air-line which separates one class from another. But what was rank to the colonists of Blithedale?"
"Well, go ahead and say that if you want," Zenobia replied. "You're a poet—at least, according to today's standards—and you should be allowed to use your imagination like a pair of binoculars when you look at women. I can't help but wonder, in this free-spirited way of falling in love that we've been experiencing lately, why it never crossed your mind to fall in love with Priscilla. In society, a true American never thinks about crossing the invisible line that separates one social class from another. But what did social status mean to the colonists of Blithedale?"
"There were other reasons," I replied, "why I should have demonstrated myself an ass, had I fallen in love with Priscilla. By the bye, has Hollingsworth ever seen her in this dress?"
"There were other reasons," I replied, "why I would have looked like a fool if I had fallen in love with Priscilla. By the way, has Hollingsworth ever seen her in this dress?"
"Why do you bring up his name at every turn?" asked Zenobia in an undertone, and with a malign look which wandered from my face to Priscilla's. "You know not what you do! It is dangerous, sir, believe me, to tamper thus with earnest human passions, out of your own mere idleness, and for your sport. I will endure it no longer! Take care that it does not happen again! I warn you!"
"Why do you keep bringing up his name all the time?" Zenobia asked quietly, her gaze shifting from my face to Priscilla's with a hostile look. "You don't realize what you're doing! It's risky, trust me, to play with serious human emotions just for your own amusement. I won't stand for it anymore! Make sure it doesn’t happen again! I'm warning you!"
"You partly wrong me, if not wholly," I responded. "It is an uncertain sense of some duty to perform, that brings my thoughts, and therefore my words, continually to that one point."
"You’re partly mistaken, if not completely," I replied. "It’s an uncertain sense of duty that keeps bringing my thoughts, and therefore my words, back to that one point."
"Oh, this stale excuse of duty!" said Zenobia, in a whisper so full of scorn that it penetrated me like the hiss of a serpent. "I have often heard it before, from those who sought to interfere with me, and I know precisely what it signifies. Bigotry; self-conceit; an insolent curiosity; a meddlesome temper; a cold-blooded criticism, founded on a shallow interpretation of half-perceptions; a monstrous scepticism in regard to any conscience or any wisdom, except one's own; a most irreverent propensity to thrust Providence aside, and substitute one's self in its awful place,—out of these, and other motives as miserable as these, comes your idea of duty! But, beware, sir! With all your fancied acuteness, you step blindfold into these affairs. For any mischief that may follow your interference, I hold you responsible!"
"Oh, this tired excuse of duty!" Zenobia said, her whisper dripping with scorn, piercing me like a snake's hiss. "I've heard it countless times from those trying to meddle in my life, and I know exactly what it means. Bigotry; arrogance; intrusive curiosity; a nosy attitude; cold-hearted criticism based on shallow interpretations of half-truths; a huge skepticism regarding any conscience or wisdom except one’s own; a blatant disregard for Providence, putting oneself in its terrifying place—these are the miserable motives that shape your idea of duty! But watch out, sir! With all your imagined sharpness, you're blindly stepping into these matters. For any trouble that comes from your meddling, I will hold you accountable!"
It was evident that, with but a little further provocation, the lioness would turn to bay; if, indeed, such were not her attitude already. I bowed, and not very well knowing what else to do, was about to withdraw. But, glancing again towards Priscilla, who had retreated into a corner, there fell upon my heart an intolerable burden of despondency, the purport of which I could not tell, but only felt it to bear reference to her. I approached and held out my hand; a gesture, however, to which she made no response. It was always one of her peculiarities that she seemed to shrink from even the most friendly touch, unless it were Zenobia's or Hollingsworth's. Zenobia, all this while, stood watching us, but with a careless expression, as if it mattered very little what might pass.
It was clear that, with just a bit more provocation, the lioness would become aggressive; if that wasn’t already her mindset. I bowed, and not really knowing what else to do, was about to leave. But, glancing again at Priscilla, who had backed into a corner, I felt an unbearable weight of sadness that I couldn’t explain, but it definitely tied back to her. I reached out my hand; however, she didn’t respond. It was always one of her quirks that she seemed to pull away from even the friendliest touch, unless it was from Zenobia or Hollingsworth. Meanwhile, Zenobia was watching us with a nonchalant look, as if it didn’t really matter what happened.
"Priscilla," I inquired, lowering my voice, "when do you go back to Blithedale?"
"Priscilla," I asked, lowering my voice, "when are you heading back to Blithedale?"
"Whenever they please to take me," said she.
"Whenever they want to take me," she said.
"Did you come away of your own free will?" I asked.
"Did you leave of your own free will?" I asked.
"I am blown about like a leaf," she replied. "I never have any free will."
"I feel lost, like a leaf in the wind," she replied. "I never have any control over my choices."
"Does Hollingsworth know that you are here?" said I.
"Does Hollingsworth know you're here?" I asked.
"He bade me come," answered Priscilla.
"He asked me to come," Priscilla replied.
She looked at me, I thought, with an air of surprise, as if the idea were incomprehensible that she should have taken this step without his agency.
She looked at me, I thought, with an expression of surprise, as if it were incomprehensible that she would have taken this step without his involvement.
"What a gripe this man has laid upon her whole being!" muttered I between my teeth.
"What a complaint this man has put on her entire being!" I muttered under my breath.
"Well, as Zenobia so kindly intimates, I have no more business here. I wash my hands of it all. On Hollingsworth's head be the consequences! Priscilla," I added aloud, "I know not that ever we may meet again. Farewell!"
"Well, as Zenobia kindly suggests, I have no reason to stay here. I'm done with it all. It's up to Hollingsworth to deal with the fallout! Priscilla," I said out loud, "I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again. Goodbye!"
As I spoke the word, a carriage had rumbled along the street, and stopt before the house. The doorbell rang, and steps were immediately afterwards heard on the staircase. Zenobia had thrown a shawl over her dress.
As I said the word, a carriage rumbled down the street and stopped in front of the house. The doorbell rang, and we soon heard footsteps on the staircase. Zenobia had draped a shawl over her dress.
"Mr. Coverdale," said she, with cool courtesy, "you will perhaps excuse us. We have an engagement, and are going out."
"Mr. Coverdale," she said politely, "I hope you don't mind, but we have plans and are heading out."
"Whither?" I demanded.
"Where to?" I demanded.
"Is not that a little more than you are entitled to inquire?" said she, with a smile. "At all events, it does not suit me to tell you."
"Isn't that a bit more than you're allowed to ask?" she said with a smile. "Anyway, I'm not going to tell you."
The door of the drawing-room opened, and Westervelt appeared. I observed that he was elaborately dressed, as if for some grand entertainment. My dislike for this man was infinite. At that moment it amounted to nothing less than a creeping of the flesh, as when, feeling about in a dark place, one touches something cold and slimy, and questions what the secret hatefulness may be. And still I could not but acknowledge that, for personal beauty, for polish of manner, for all that externally befits a gentleman, there was hardly another like him. After bowing to Zenobia, and graciously saluting Priscilla in her corner, he recognized me by a slight but courteous inclination.
The door to the living room opened, and Westervelt walked in. I noticed he was dressed to the nines, as if for some grand event. My dislike for this man was immense. At that moment, it felt like a chill running down my spine, like when you reach into a dark space and accidentally touch something cold and slimy, making you wonder what hidden ugliness you’ve encountered. Yet, I couldn’t help but acknowledge that, in terms of personal beauty, charm, and everything that defines a gentleman, there were very few who compared to him. After bowing to Zenobia and politely greeting Priscilla in her corner, he acknowledged me with a slight but courteous nod.
"Come, Priscilla," said Zenobia; "it is time. Mr. Coverdale, good-evening."
"Come on, Priscilla," said Zenobia; "it's time. Mr. Coverdale, good evening."
As Priscilla moved slowly forward, I met her in the middle of the drawing-room.
As Priscilla walked slowly toward me, I met her in the center of the living room.
"Priscilla," said I, in the hearing of them all, "do you know whither you are going?"
"Priscilla," I said, loud enough for everyone to hear, "do you know where you’re headed?"
"I do not know," she answered.
"I don't know," she replied.
"Is it wise to go, and is it your choice to go?" I asked. "If not, I am your friend, and Hollingsworth's friend. Tell me so, at once."
"Is it a good idea for you to go, and is it your decision to leave?" I asked. "If not, I'm your friend, and I'm also Hollingsworth's friend. Just let me know right away."
"Possibly," observed Westervelt, smiling, "Priscilla sees in me an older friend than either Mr. Coverdale or Mr. Hollingsworth. I shall willingly leave the matter at her option."
"Maybe," Westervelt said, smiling, "Priscilla sees me as an older friend than Mr. Coverdale or Mr. Hollingsworth. I’m happy to leave that up to her."
While thus speaking, he made a gesture of kindly invitation, and Priscilla passed me, with the gliding movement of a sprite, and took his offered arm. He offered the other to Zenobia; but she turned her proud and beautiful face upon him with a look which—judging from what I caught of it in profile—would undoubtedly have smitten the man dead, had he possessed any heart, or had this glance attained to it. It seemed to rebound, however, from his courteous visage, like an arrow from polished steel. They all three descended the stairs; and when I likewise reached the street door, the carriage was already rolling away.
While saying this, he made a welcoming gesture, and Priscilla glided past me like a fairy, taking his offered arm. He extended the other arm to Zenobia, but she turned her proud and beautiful face towards him with a look that—based on what I saw in profile—would have definitely stunned any man with a heart. However, it seemed to bounce off his polite face, like an arrow off polished steel. The three of them went down the stairs, and by the time I got to the street door, the carriage had already rolled away.
XXI. AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE
Thus excluded from everybody's confidence, and attaining no further, by my most earnest study, than to an uncertain sense of something hidden from me, it would appear reasonable that I should have flung off all these alien perplexities. Obviously, my best course was to betake myself to new scenes. Here I was only an intruder. Elsewhere there might be circumstances in which I could establish a personal interest, and people who would respond, with a portion of their sympathies, for so much as I should bestow of mine.
Thus, feeling left out from everyone’s trust and only getting a vague sense of something kept from me despite my best efforts, it seemed reasonable that I should shake off all these confusing worries. Clearly, my best move was to seek out new places. Here, I was just an outsider. Somewhere else, there might be situations where I could build a personal connection, and people who would offer some of their support in return for what I shared of mine.
Nevertheless, there occurred to me one other thing to be done. Remembering old Moodie, and his relationship with Priscilla, I determined to seek an interview, for the purpose of ascertaining whether the knot of affairs was as inextricable on that side as I found it on all others. Being tolerably well acquainted with the old man's haunts, I went, the next day, to the saloon of a certain establishment about which he often lurked. It was a reputable place enough, affording good entertainment in the way of meat, drink, and fumigation; and there, in my young and idle days and nights, when I was neither nice nor wise, I had often amused myself with watching the staid humors and sober jollities of the thirsty souls around me.
However, one more thing came to mind that needed to be done. Remembering old Moodie and his connection with Priscilla, I decided to seek a meeting to find out whether the issues were as complicated on that side as I found them everywhere else. Knowing the old man's usual spots reasonably well, I went the next day to a saloon at a place where he often hung out. It was a decent enough spot, offering good food, drinks, and a pleasant atmosphere; and there, in my younger and more carefree days, when I was neither particular nor wise, I had often entertained myself by observing the serious habits and sober fun of the thirsty people around me.
At my first entrance, old Moodie was not there. The more patiently to await him, I lighted a cigar, and establishing myself in a corner, took a quiet, and, by sympathy, a boozy kind of pleasure in the customary life that was going forward. The saloon was fitted up with a good deal of taste. There were pictures on the walls, and among them an oil-painting of a beefsteak, with such an admirable show of juicy tenderness, that the beholder sighed to think it merely visionary, and incapable of ever being put upon a gridiron. Another work of high art was the lifelike representation of a noble sirloin; another, the hindquarters of a deer, retaining the hoofs and tawny fur; another, the head and shoulders of a salmon; and, still more exquisitely finished, a brace of canvasback ducks, in which the mottled feathers were depicted with the accuracy of a daguerreotype. Some very hungry painter, I suppose, had wrought these subjects of still-life, heightening his imagination with his appetite, and earning, it is to be hoped, the privilege of a daily dinner off whichever of his pictorial viands he liked best.
When I first arrived, old Moodie wasn’t there. To pass the time, I lit a cigar and settled into a corner, enjoying the familiar scene around me with a relaxed, slightly tipsy kind of pleasure. The saloon was nicely decorated. There were pictures on the walls, including an oil painting of a beefsteak, so perfectly juicy and tender that you couldn’t help but sigh at the thought that it was just an illusion and could never actually be cooked. Another impressive piece was a lifelike depiction of a prime sirloin; there was also a painting of a deer’s hindquarters, complete with hooves and tawny fur; a picture of a salmon’s head and shoulders; and even more finely detailed, a pair of canvasback ducks, where the mottled feathers looked as sharp as a photograph. I guess a very hungry painter created these still-life images, fueling his imagination with his cravings and hopefully earning the right to enjoy whatever dish from his artwork he liked best for dinner each night.
Then there was a fine old cheese, in which you could almost discern the mites; and some sardines, on a small plate, very richly done, and looking as if oozy with the oil in which they had been smothered. All these things were so perfectly imitated, that you seemed to have the genuine article before you, and yet with an indescribable, ideal charm; it took away the grossness from what was fleshiest and fattest, and thus helped the life of man, even in its earthliest relations, to appear rich and noble, as well as warm, cheerful, and substantial. There were pictures, too, of gallant revellers, those of the old time, Flemish, apparently, with doublets and slashed sleeves, drinking their wine out of fantastic, long-stemmed glasses; quaffing joyously, quaffing forever, with inaudible laughter and song; while the champagne bubbled immortally against their moustaches, or the purple tide of Burgundy ran inexhaustibly down their throats.
Then there was some really old cheese, so aged you could almost see the mites, and a small plate of sardines, very richly prepared, looking like they were drenched in oil. Everything was so well-crafted that it felt like you had the real thing right in front of you, but there was also an indescribable, ideal charm; it stripped away the grossness from the fattiest foods, making even the most basic aspects of life seem rich and noble, warm, cheerful, and substantial. There were also pictures of dashing partygoers from long ago, probably Flemish, wearing doublets and stylish sleeves, drinking their wine from elaborate, long-stemmed glasses; joyfully toasting, endlessly toasting, with silent laughter and song; while the champagne bubbled eternally against their mustaches, or the deep red Burgundy flowed endlessly down their throats.
But, in an obscure corner of the saloon, there was a little Picture excellently done, moreover of a ragged, bloated, New England toper, stretched out on a bench, in the heavy, apoplectic sleep of drunkenness. The death-in-life was too well portrayed. You smelt the fumy liquor that had brought on this syncope. Your only comfort lay in the forced reflection, that, real as he looked, the poor caitiff was but imaginary, a bit of painted canvass, whom no delirium tremens, nor so much as a retributive headache, awaited, on the morrow.
But in a dim corner of the bar, there was a small painting, really well done, showing a ragged, bloated New England drunk sprawled out on a bench, deeply asleep from too much alcohol. The portrayal of his lifeless state was striking. You could almost smell the strong liquor that caused his stupor. Your only comfort was the forced realization that, as real as he seemed, the poor guy was just a figment of imagination, a piece of painted canvas, who wouldn’t face delirium tremens or even a hangover the next day.
By this time, it being past eleven o'clock, the two bar-keepers of the saloon were in pretty constant activity. One of these young men had a rare faculty in the concoction of gin-cocktails. It was a spectacle to behold, how, with a tumbler in each hand, he tossed the contents from one to the other. Never conveying it awry, nor spilling the least drop, he compelled the frothy liquor, as it seemed to me, to spout forth from one glass and descend into the other, in a great parabolic curve, as well-defined and calculable as a planet's orbit. He had a good forehead, with a particularly large development just above the eyebrows; fine intellectual gifts, no doubt, which he had educated to this profitable end; being famous for nothing but gin-cocktails, and commanding a fair salary by his one accomplishment. These cocktails, and other artificial combinations of liquor, (of which there were at least a score, though mostly, I suspect, fantastic in their differences,) were much in favor with the younger class of customers, who, at farthest, had only reached the second stage of potatory life. The staunch, old soakers, on the other hand men who, if put on tap, would have yielded a red alcoholic liquor, by way of blood usually confined themselves to plain brandy-and-water, gin, or West India rum; and, oftentimes, they prefaced their dram with some medicinal remark as to the wholesomeness and stomachic qualities of that particular drink. Two or three appeared to have bottles of their own behind the counter; and, winking one red eye to the bar-keeper, he forthwith produced these choicest and peculiar cordials, which it was a matter of great interest and favor, among their acquaintances, to obtain a sip of.
At this point, past eleven o'clock, the two bartenders at the saloon were constantly busy. One of these young men had a special talent for creating gin cocktails. It was impressive to watch as he seamlessly moved the liquid between two glasses without spilling a drop, making the frothy drink arc perfectly from one tumbler to the other, just like a precise planet's orbit. He had a nice forehead, noticeably pronounced just above his eyebrows; clearly, he had some intellectual skills that he focused on this profitable craft, becoming famous for nothing but gin cocktails and earning a decent salary from this one skill. These cocktails and other mixed drinks, of which there were probably at least twenty—though I suspected many were just fanciful variations—were popular with the younger crowd, who had just entered their drinking phase. In contrast, the older patrons—those who, if tapped like a keg, would have offered a deep red alcoholic liquid instead of blood—usually stuck to simple brandy and water, gin, or West Indian rum. Often, they would begin their drink with a comment about the health benefits and digestive properties of that specific beverage. A couple of them seemed to have their own bottles hidden behind the counter, and with a wink of one eye to the bartender, he would immediately pull out these unique and rare liqueurs, which their friends found very desirable to sample.
Agreeably to the Yankee habit, under whatever circumstances, the deportment of all these good fellows, old or young, was decorous and thoroughly correct. They grew only the more sober in their cups; there was no confused babble nor boisterous laughter. They sucked in the joyous fire of the decanters and kept it smouldering in their inmost recesses, with a bliss known only to the heart which it warmed and comforted. Their eyes twinkled a little, to be sure; they hemmed vigorously after each glass, and laid a hand upon the pit of the stomach, as if the pleasant titillation there was what constituted the tangible part of their enjoyment. In that spot, unquestionably, and not in the brain, was the acme of the whole affair. But the true purpose of their drinking—and one that will induce men to drink, or do something equivalent, as long as this weary world shall endure—was the renewed youth and vigor, the brisk, cheerful sense of things present and to come, with which, for about a quarter of an hour, the dram permeated their systems. And when such quarters of an hour can be obtained in some mode less baneful to the great sum of a man's life,—but, nevertheless, with a little spice of impropriety, to give it a wild flavor,—we temperance people may ring out our bells for victory!
Following the Yankee way, regardless of the situation, the behavior of all these good guys, young and old, was proper and completely appropriate. They only became more serious with their drinks; there was no loud chatter or raucous laughter. They absorbed the happy essence of the drinks and kept it quietly glowing inside them, with a joy known only to the heart it warmed and comforted. Their eyes sparkled a bit, for sure; they coughed lightly after each glass and placed a hand on their stomachs, as if the pleasant sensation there was what made their enjoyment real. That spot, without a doubt, and not their minds, was where the true pleasure lay. But the real reason for their drinking—and one that will keep people drinking, or doing something similar, as long as this tiring world exists—was the refreshing youth and energy, the lively, cheerful awareness of the present and future, that the drink filled their systems with for about fifteen minutes. And when such moments can be enjoyed in a way that's less harmful to a person’s overall life—but still with a hint of mischief to give it a thrilling edge—we temperance advocates can sound our bells in celebration!
The prettiest object in the saloon was a tiny fountain, which threw up its feathery jet through the counter, and sparkled down again into an oval basin, or lakelet, containing several goldfishes. There was a bed of bright sand at the bottom, strewn with coral and rock-work; and the fishes went gleaming about, now turning up the sheen of a golden side, and now vanishing into the shadows of the water, like the fanciful thoughts that coquet with a poet in his dream. Never before, I imagine, did a company of water-drinkers remain so entirely uncontaminated by the bad example around them; nor could I help wondering that it had not occurred to any freakish inebriate to empty a glass of liquor into their lakelet. What a delightful idea! Who would not be a fish, if he could inhale jollity with the essential element of his existence!
The most beautiful thing in the bar was a small fountain that sent up a delicate spray through the counter and sparkled back down into an oval basin, or little lake, that held several goldfish. There was a bed of bright sand at the bottom, decorated with coral and rocks; the fish glided around, flashing the brilliance of their golden sides, then disappearing into the shadows of the water like whimsical thoughts flirting with a poet in his dreams. I don’t think there’s ever been a group of water drinkers who stayed so completely untouched by the bad behavior around them; I couldn’t help but wonder why none of the drunken patrons had the wild idea to pour a glass of liquor into their little lake. What a fun thought! Who wouldn’t want to be a fish if they could soak up joy as their essential way of life?
I had begun to despair of meeting old Moodie, when, all at once, I recognized his hand and arm protruding from behind a screen that was set up for the accommodation of bashful topers. As a matter of course, he had one of Priscilla's little purses, and was quietly insinuating it under the notice of a person who stood near. This was always old Moodie's way. You hardly ever saw him advancing towards you, but became aware of his proximity without being able to guess how he had come thither. He glided about like a spirit, assuming visibility close to your elbow, offering his petty trifles of merchandise, remaining long enough for you to purchase, if so disposed, and then taking himself off, between two breaths, while you happened to be thinking of something else.
I had started to lose hope of seeing old Moodie when suddenly, I spotted his hand and arm sticking out from behind a screen set up for shy drinkers. As usual, he had one of Priscilla's little purses and was casually trying to draw the attention of someone nearby. That was always Moodie's style. You rarely saw him approach directly; instead, you sensed he was close by without any idea of how he got there. He moved around like a ghost, appearing right next to you, offering his small bits of merchandise, staying just long enough for you to buy something if you wanted, and then slipping away in an instant while you were distracted by other thoughts.
By a sort of sympathetic impulse that often controlled me in those more impressible days of my life, I was induced to approach this old man in a mode as undemonstrative as his own. Thus, when, according to his custom, he was probably just about to vanish, he found me at his elbow.
By a kind of instinct that often guided me in those more impressionable days of my life, I felt compelled to approach this old man in a way that matched his quiet demeanor. So, just as he was likely about to disappear, he found me standing next to him.
"Ah!" said he, with more emphasis than was usual with him. "It is Mr. Coverdale!"
"Ah!" he said, with more emphasis than usual. "It's Mr. Coverdale!"
"Yes, Mr. Moodie, your old acquaintance," answered I. "It is some time now since we ate luncheon together at Blithedale, and a good deal longer since our little talk together at the street corner."
"Yes, Mr. Moodie, your old friend," I replied. "It's been a while since we had lunch together at Blithedale, and even longer since our little chat at the street corner."
"That was a good while ago," said the old man.
"That was quite some time ago," said the old man.
And he seemed inclined to say not a word more. His existence looked so colorless and torpid,—so very faintly shadowed on the canvas of reality,—that I was half afraid lest he should altogether disappear, even while my eyes were fixed full upon his figure. He was certainly the wretchedest old ghost in the world, with his crazy hat, the dingy handkerchief about his throat, his suit of threadbare gray, and especially that patch over his right eye, behind which he always seemed to be hiding himself. There was one method, however, of bringing him out into somewhat stronger relief. A glass of brandy would effect it. Perhaps the gentler influence of a bottle of claret might do the same. Nor could I think it a matter for the recording angel to write down against me, if—with my painful consciousness of the frost in this old man's blood, and the positive ice that had congealed about his heart—I should thaw him out, were it only for an hour, with the summer warmth of a little wine. What else could possibly be done for him? How else could he be imbued with energy enough to hope for a happier state hereafter? How else be inspired to say his prayers? For there are states of our spiritual system when the throb of the soul's life is too faint and weak to render us capable of religious aspiration.
And he seemed ready to say nothing more. His existence looked so dull and lethargic—so faintly outlined against the reality around us—that I was half afraid he might completely vanish, even while I was staring right at him. He definitely was the most miserable old ghost in the world, with his tattered hat, the shabby handkerchief around his neck, his worn-out gray suit, and especially that patch over his right eye, behind which he always appeared to be hiding. There was one way, though, to make him stand out a bit more. A glass of brandy could do the trick. Maybe a bottle of claret would work too. I didn’t think it would be held against me if—considering the icy chill in this old man's blood and the solid frost that had formed around his heart—I warmed him up, even just for an hour, with the cozy warmth of some wine. What else could possibly be done for him? How else could he find the energy to hope for a better life later on? How else could he be motivated to say his prayers? Because there are times in our spiritual lives when the heartbeat of our soul is too faint and weak to allow for any desire for something divine.
"Mr. Moodie," said I, "shall we lunch together? And would you like to drink a glass of wine?"
"Mr. Moodie," I said, "should we have lunch together? And would you like to have a glass of wine?"
His one eye gleamed. He bowed; and it impressed me that he grew to be more of a man at once, either in anticipation of the wine, or as a grateful response to my good fellowship in offering it.
His one eye sparkled. He bowed, and I noticed that he seemed to become more of a man right away, either in anticipation of the wine or as a thankful reaction to my friendly gesture in offering it.
"With pleasure," he replied.
"Sure thing," he replied.
The bar-keeper, at my request, showed us into a private room, and soon afterwards set some fried oysters and a bottle of claret on the table; and I saw the old man glance curiously at the label of the bottle, as if to learn the brand.
The bartender, at my request, led us to a private room, and shortly after, he placed some fried oysters and a bottle of claret on the table; I noticed the old man looking curiously at the label on the bottle, as if to find out the brand.
"It should be good wine," I remarked, "if it have any right to its label."
"It should be good wine," I said, "if it lives up to its label."
"You cannot suppose, sir," said Moodie, with a sigh, "that a poor old fellow like me knows any difference in wines."
"You can't expect, sir," Moodie said with a sigh, "that an old guy like me knows anything about wines."
And yet, in his way of handling the glass, in his preliminary snuff at the aroma, in his first cautious sip of the wine, and the gustatory skill with which he gave his palate the full advantage of it, it was impossible not to recognize the connoisseur.
And yet, in the way he handled the glass, in his initial sniff of the aroma, in his first careful sip of the wine, and the tasting skill with which he savored it, it was impossible not to see that he was a connoisseur.
"I fancy, Mr. Moodie," said I, "you are a much better judge of wines than I have yet learned to be. Tell me fairly,—did you never drink it where the grape grows?"
"I think, Mr. Moodie," I said, "you are much better at judging wines than I have learned to be so far. Honestly tell me—have you ever drunk it where the grape is grown?"
"How should that have been, Mr. Coverdale?" answered old Moodie shyly; but then he took courage, as it were, and uttered a feeble little laugh. "The flavor of this wine," added he, "and its perfume still more than its taste, makes me remember that I was once a young man."
"How should that have been, Mr. Coverdale?" replied old Moodie shyly; but then he gathered his courage and gave a weak little laugh. "The flavor of this wine," he added, "and its aroma even more than its taste, reminds me that I was once a young man."
"I wish, Mr. Moodie," suggested I,—not that I greatly cared about it, however, but was only anxious to draw him into some talk about Priscilla and Zenobia,—"I wish, while we sit over our wine, you would favor me with a few of those youthful reminiscences."
"I wish, Mr. Moodie," I suggested—not that I really cared about it, but I just wanted to get him talking about Priscilla and Zenobia—"I wish, while we enjoy our wine, you would share some of those youthful memories."
"Ah," said he, shaking his head, "they might interest you more than you suppose. But I had better be silent, Mr. Coverdale. If this good wine,—though claret, I suppose, is not apt to play such a trick,—but if it should make my tongue run too freely, I could never look you in the face again."
"Ah," he said, shaking his head, "they might actually interest you more than you think. But I should probably keep quiet, Mr. Coverdale. If this good wine—though I guess claret isn't known for that sort of thing—makes me a bit too talkative, I might never be able to look you in the eye again."
"You never did look me in the face, Mr. Moodie," I replied, "until this very moment."
"You never looked me in the eye, Mr. Moodie," I said, "until just now."
"Ah!" sighed old Moodie.
"Ah!" sighed Mr. Moodie.
It was wonderful, however, what an effect the mild grape-juice wrought upon him. It was not in the wine, but in the associations which it seemed to bring up. Instead of the mean, slouching, furtive, painfully depressed air of an old city vagabond, more like a gray kennel-rat than any other living thing, he began to take the aspect of a decayed gentleman. Even his garments—especially after I had myself quaffed a glass or two—looked less shabby than when we first sat down. There was, by and by, a certain exuberance and elaborateness of gesture and manner, oddly in contrast with all that I had hitherto seen of him. Anon, with hardly any impulse from me, old Moodie began to talk. His communications referred exclusively to a long-past and more fortunate period of his life, with only a few unavoidable allusions to the circumstances that had reduced him to his present state. But, having once got the clew, my subsequent researches acquainted me with the main facts of the following narrative; although, in writing it out, my pen has perhaps allowed itself a trifle of romantic and legendary license, worthier of a small poet than of a grave biographer.
It was amazing how much the mild grape juice affected him. It wasn’t the wine itself, but the memories it seemed to evoke. Instead of the miserable, slouching, secretive, and deeply depressed demeanor of an old city drifter, more like a gray alley rat than anything else, he started to resemble a fallen gentleman. Even his clothes—especially after I'd indulged in a glass or two—looked less shabby than when we first sat down. Gradually, he showed a certain enthusiasm and flair in his gestures and manner, which was oddly different from everything I'd seen from him before. Soon, with hardly any encouragement from me, old Moodie started to talk. His stories were entirely about a long-gone and happier time in his life, with only a few unavoidable mentions of the circumstances that had brought him to where he was now. But once I got the thread of his story, my later inquiries revealed the main facts of the following narrative; although, in writing it out, I may have allowed my pen a bit of romantic and legendary flair, more fitting for a minor poet than a serious biographer.
XXII. FAUNTLEROY
Five-and-twenty years ago, at the epoch of this story, there dwelt in one of the Middle States a man whom we shall call Fauntleroy; a man of wealth, and magnificent tastes, and prodigal expenditure. His home might almost be styled a palace; his habits, in the ordinary sense, princely. His whole being seemed to have crystallized itself into an external splendor, wherewith he glittered in the eyes of the world, and had no other life than upon this gaudy surface. He had married a lovely woman, whose nature was deeper than his own. But his affection for her, though it showed largely, was superficial, like all his other manifestations and developments; he did not so truly keep this noble creature in his heart, as wear her beauty for the most brilliant ornament of his outward state. And there was born to him a child, a beautiful daughter, whom he took from the beneficent hand of God with no just sense of her immortal value, but as a man already rich in gems would receive another jewel. If he loved her, it was because she shone.
Twenty-five years ago, at the time of this story, there lived in one of the Middle States a man we’ll call Fauntleroy; a wealthy man with extravagant tastes and lavish spending. His home could almost be called a palace; his lifestyle, in the usual sense, princely. Everything about him seemed to shine with external luxury, making him sparkle in the eyes of the world, and he had no real life beyond this flashy surface. He had married a beautiful woman whose inner nature was richer than his own. Yet his love for her, although it appeared significant, was shallow, just like all his other expressions and developments; he didn’t truly hold this noble woman in his heart; instead, he showcased her beauty as the most dazzling accessory to his outward show. They had a daughter, a stunning girl, whom he accepted from the gracious hand of God without truly recognizing her priceless value, much like a man who is already rich in jewels would accept another gem. If he loved her, it was simply because she sparkled.
After Fauntleroy had thus spent a few empty years, coruscating continually an unnatural light, the source of it—which was merely his gold—began to grow more shallow, and finally became exhausted. He saw himself in imminent peril of losing all that had heretofore distinguished him; and, conscious of no innate worth to fall back upon, he recoiled from this calamity with the instinct of a soul shrinking from annihilation. To avoid it,—wretched man!—or rather to defer it, if but for a month, a day, or only to procure himself the life of a few breaths more amid the false glitter which was now less his own than ever,—he made himself guilty of a crime. It was just the sort of crime, growing out of its artificial state, which society (unless it should change its entire constitution for this man's unworthy sake) neither could nor ought to pardon. More safely might it pardon murder. Fauntleroy's guilt was discovered. He fled; his wife perished, by the necessity of her innate nobleness, in its alliance with a being so ignoble; and betwixt her mother's death and her father's ignominy, his daughter was left worse than orphaned.
After Fauntleroy had spent a few empty years, constantly shining an unnatural light, the source of that light—his wealth—began to dwindle and eventually ran out. He saw himself in danger of losing everything that had previously set him apart; and, feeling he had no real worth to rely on, he shrank away from this disaster like a soul retreating from oblivion. To avoid it—poor man!—or rather to postpone it, if only for a month, a day, or just to give himself a few more breaths in the false glitter that was now less his than ever, he committed a crime. It was the kind of crime that stemmed from its artificial nature, which society (unless it completely changed its structure for the sake of this unworthy man) could neither forgive nor should forgive. It would be easier for it to forgive murder. Fauntleroy's guilt was uncovered. He fled; his wife perished, due to her inherent nobility being tied to such a dishonorable being; and between her mother's death and her father's disgrace, his daughter was left in a situation worse than being an orphan.
There was no pursuit after Fauntleroy. His family connections, who had great wealth, made such arrangements with those whom he had attempted to wrong as secured him from the retribution that would have overtaken an unfriended criminal. The wreck of his estate was divided among his creditors: His name, in a very brief space, was forgotten by the multitude who had passed it so diligently from mouth to mouth. Seldom, indeed, was it recalled, even by his closest former intimates. Nor could it have been otherwise. The man had laid no real touch on any mortal's heart. Being a mere image, an optical delusion, created by the sunshine of prosperity, it was his law to vanish into the shadow of the first intervening cloud. He seemed to leave no vacancy; a phenomenon which, like many others that attended his brief career, went far to prove the illusiveness of his existence.
There was no pursuit after Fauntleroy. His wealthy family made arrangements with those he had tried to wrong, protecting him from the consequences that would have hit a friendless criminal. The remains of his estate were divided among his creditors. In no time, his name was forgotten by the crowd that had eagerly passed it around. Rarely, even his closest former friends recalled it. And it couldn't have been any other way. The man had no real impact on anyone's heart. Being nothing but a mere image, an illusion created by the bright light of success, he was destined to disappear into the shadows at the first sign of trouble. He seemed to leave no gap behind; a phenomenon that, like many others surrounding his short-lived career, showed just how fleeting his existence truly was.
Not, however, that the physical substance of Fauntleroy had literally melted into vapor. He had fled northward to the New England metropolis, and had taken up his abode, under another name, in a squalid street or court of the older portion of the city. There he dwelt among poverty-stricken wretches, sinners, and forlorn good people, Irish, and whomsoever else were neediest. Many families were clustered in each house together, above stairs and below, in the little peaked garrets, and even in the dusky cellars. The house where Fauntleroy paid weekly rent for a chamber and a closet had been a stately habitation in its day. An old colonial governor had built it, and lived there, long ago, and held his levees in a great room where now slept twenty Irish bedfellows; and died in Fauntleroy's chamber, which his embroidered and white-wigged ghost still haunted. Tattered hangings, a marble hearth, traversed with many cracks and fissures, a richly carved oaken mantelpiece, partly hacked away for kindling-stuff, a stuccoed ceiling, defaced with great, unsightly patches of the naked laths,—such was the chamber's aspect, as if, with its splinters and rags of dirty splendor, it were a kind of practical gibe at this poor, ruined man of show.
Not that Fauntleroy’s physical form had actually turned into vapor. He had escaped north to the New England city and had started living, under a different name, on a run-down street in the older part of town. There, he shared his life with destitute people, sinners, and hopelessly kind souls, including Irish immigrants and others who were struggling. Many families were crammed into each house, both upstairs and downstairs, in the small, slanted attics, and even in the dark cellars. The house where Fauntleroy paid rent weekly for a room and a closet had once been an elegant residence. An old colonial governor had built it, lived there long ago, and hosted social gatherings in a large room that now housed twenty Irish roommates; he died in Fauntleroy's room, which his embroidered and white-wigged ghost still haunted. Tattered curtains, a marble fireplace with many cracks, a beautifully carved oak mantelpiece that had been partly chopped up for firewood, a plaster ceiling marred by large, ugly patches of exposed lath—this was the appearance of the room, as if it were a practical mockery of this poor, broken man of pretense.
At first, and at irregular intervals, his relatives allowed Fauntleroy a little pittance to sustain life; not from any love, perhaps, but lest poverty should compel him, by new offences, to add more shame to that with which he had already stained them. But he showed no tendency to further guilt. His character appeared to have been radically changed (as, indeed, from its shallowness, it well might) by his miserable fate; or, it may be, the traits now seen in him were portions of the same character, presenting itself in another phase. Instead of any longer seeking to live in the sight of the world, his impulse was to shrink into the nearest obscurity, and to be unseen of men, were it possible, even while standing before their eyes. He had no pride; it was all trodden in the dust. No ostentation; for how could it survive, when there was nothing left of Fauntleroy, save penury and shame! His very gait demonstrated that he would gladly have faded out of view, and have crept about invisibly, for the sake of sheltering himself from the irksomeness of a human glance. Hardly, it was averred, within the memory of those who knew him now, had he the hardihood to show his full front to the world. He skulked in corners, and crept about in a sort of noonday twilight, making himself gray and misty, at all hours, with his morbid intolerance of sunshine.
At first, and at random times, his relatives gave Fauntleroy a little money to get by; not out of love, perhaps, but to prevent him from becoming more shameful with new wrongdoings that would add to the embarrassment he had already caused them. But he showed no signs of committing more sins. His character seemed to have undergone a complete change (as it could easily have done, given its superficiality) because of his unfortunate circumstances; or maybe the traits now visible in him were always there, just manifesting in a different way. Instead of trying to live in the public eye, his instinct was to retreat into the nearest shadows and avoid being seen by anyone, even if he was standing right in front of them. He had no pride left; it had all been crushed. No pretense; how could it exist when all that remained of Fauntleroy was poverty and shame? Even the way he walked showed that he would prefer to disappear and move around unnoticed, just to avoid the discomfort of human attention. It was said that hardly anyone who knew him now could remember a time when he had the audacity to fully face the world. He hid in corners and wandered around in a sort of twilight, blending into the grayness at all times, with a deep aversion to sunlight.
In his torpid despair, however, he had done an act which that condition of the spirit seems to prompt almost as often as prosperity and hope. Fauntleroy was again married. He had taken to wife a forlorn, meek-spirited, feeble young woman, a seamstress, whom he found dwelling with her mother in a contiguous chamber of the old gubernatorial residence. This poor phantom—as the beautiful and noble companion of his former life had done brought him a daughter. And sometimes, as from one dream into another, Fauntleroy looked forth out of his present grimy environment into that past magnificence, and wondered whether the grandee of yesterday or the pauper of to-day were real. But, in my mind, the one and the other were alike impalpable. In truth, it was Fauntleroy's fatality to behold whatever he touched dissolve. After a few years, his second wife (dim shadow that she had always been) faded finally out of the world, and left Fauntleroy to deal as he might with their pale and nervous child. And, by this time, among his distant relatives,—with whom he had grown a weary thought, linked with contagious infamy, and which they were only too willing to get rid of,—he was himself supposed to be no more.
In his deep despair, he had done something that often comes with feelings of hopelessness just as much as it does with prosperity and hope. Fauntleroy got married again. He took as his wife a sad, gentle, weak young woman, a seamstress, whom he found living with her mother in a nearby room of the old governor's residence. This poor woman—just like the beautiful and noble partner of his past—bore him a daughter. Sometimes, as if moving from one dream to another, Fauntleroy would look out of his current grim situation into the grandeur of his past and wonder which was more real: the nobleman of yesterday or the poor man of today. To me, both were equally intangible. In reality, it was Fauntleroy’s misfortune to see whatever he touched fall apart. A few years later, his second wife (who had always been a faint reflection of her former self) finally disappeared from the world, leaving Fauntleroy to cope with their pale and anxious child. By this time, among his distant relatives—who had grown tired of him and his association with disgrace, and were eager to be rid of him—he was believed to no longer exist.
The younger child, like his elder one, might be considered as the true offspring of both parents, and as the reflection of their state. She was a tremulous little creature, shrinking involuntarily from all mankind, but in timidity, and no sour repugnance. There was a lack of human substance in her; it seemed as if, were she to stand up in a sunbeam, it would pass right through her figure, and trace out the cracked and dusty window-panes upon the naked floor. But, nevertheless, the poor child had a heart; and from her mother's gentle character she had inherited a profound and still capacity of affection. And so her life was one of love. She bestowed it partly on her father, but in greater part on an idea.
The younger child, like her older sibling, could be seen as the true child of both parents, reflecting their condition. She was a delicate little girl, instinctively recoiling from everyone around her, but not out of bitterness—just shyness. There was something insubstantial about her; it felt like if she stood in a beam of sunlight, the light would pass right through her and reveal the cracked and dusty windowpanes on the bare floor. Yet, despite this, the poor child had a heart; from her mother's gentle nature, she had inherited a deep and quiet capacity for love. So, her life revolved around love. She gave some of it to her father, but mostly to an idea.
For Fauntleroy, as they sat by their cheerless fireside,—which was no fireside, in truth, but only a rusty stove,—had often talked to the little girl about his former wealth, the noble loveliness of his first wife, and the beautiful child whom she had given him. Instead of the fairy tales which other parents tell, he told Priscilla this. And, out of the loneliness of her sad little existence, Priscilla's love grew, and tended upward, and twined itself perseveringly around this unseen sister; as a grapevine might strive to clamber out of a gloomy hollow among the rocks, and embrace a young tree standing in the sunny warmth above. It was almost like worship, both in its earnestness and its humility; nor was it the less humble—though the more earnest—because Priscilla could claim human kindred with the being whom she, so devoutly loved. As with worship, too, it gave her soul the refreshment of a purer atmosphere. Save for this singular, this melancholy, and yet beautiful affection, the child could hardly have lived; or, had she lived, with a heart shrunken for lack of any sentiment to fill it, she must have yielded to the barren miseries of her position, and have grown to womanhood characterless and worthless. But now, amid all the sombre coarseness of her father's outward life, and of her own, Priscilla had a higher and imaginative life within. Some faint gleam thereof was often visible upon her face. It was as if, in her spiritual visits to her brilliant sister, a portion of the latter's brightness had permeated our dim Priscilla, and still lingered, shedding a faint illumination through the cheerless chamber, after she came back.
For Fauntleroy, as they sat by their dreary fireside—which was really just a rusty stove—often talked to the little girl about his past wealth, the exquisite beauty of his first wife, and the lovely child she had given him. Instead of the fairy tales that other parents share, he told Priscilla this. And from the loneliness of her sad little life, Priscilla's love grew, reaching upward and wrapping itself around this unseen sister, much like a grapevine trying to climb out of a gloomy crevice among the rocks to embrace a young tree standing in the warm sunlight above. It was almost like worship, both in its sincerity and humility; it was no less humble—though more sincere—because Priscilla felt a human connection to the being she loved so devoutly. Just like worship, it filled her soul with the refreshment of a purer atmosphere. Without this unique, melancholy, yet beautiful affection, the child may hardly have survived; or had she lived, with a heart shriveled from lack of any feeling to nourish it, she would have succumbed to the bleak miseries of her situation, growing into a characterless and worthless woman. But now, amidst all the grim roughness of her father's outer life and her own, Priscilla had a higher, imaginative life within. Some faint hint of this was often visible on her face. It was as if, during her spiritual visits to her vibrant sister, a part of her sister's brightness had seeped into dim Priscilla and continued to linger, casting a faint glow through the cheerless room after she returned.
As the child grew up, so pallid and so slender, and with much unaccountable nervousness, and all the weaknesses of neglected infancy still haunting her, the gross and simple neighbors whispered strange things about Priscilla. The big, red, Irish matrons, whose innumerable progeny swarmed out of the adjacent doors, used to mock at the pale Western child. They fancied—or, at least, affirmed it, between jest and earnest—that she was not so solid flesh and blood as other children, but mixed largely with a thinner element. They called her ghost-child, and said that she could indeed vanish when she pleased, but could never, in her densest moments, make herself quite visible. The sun at midday would shine through her; in the first gray of the twilight, she lost all the distinctness of her outline; and, if you followed the dim thing into a dark corner, behold! she was not there. And it was true that Priscilla had strange ways; strange ways, and stranger words, when she uttered any words at all. Never stirring out of the old governor's dusky house, she sometimes talked of distant places and splendid rooms, as if she had just left them. Hidden things were visible to her (at least so the people inferred from obscure hints escaping unawares out of her mouth), and silence was audible. And in all the world there was nothing so difficult to be endured, by those who had any dark secret to conceal, as the glance of Priscilla's timid and melancholy eyes.
As the child grew up, so pale and so thin, with a lot of unexplained anxiety and all the weaknesses of a neglected childhood still affecting her, the loud and simple neighbors whispered strange things about Priscilla. The big, boisterous Irish mothers, whose countless kids poured out of the nearby doors, used to make fun of the pale Western girl. They believed—or at least claimed, half-jokingly—that she was not as solid as other kids, but had a lot of something lighter about her. They called her the ghost child and said she could vanish whenever she wanted, but could never quite make herself visible, even on her clearest days. The midday sun would shine through her; in the first gray light of dusk, she would lose all her clear outlines; and if you followed the faint figure into a dark corner, poof! she was gone. It was true that Priscilla had weird habits; unusual habits and even stranger things to say when she spoke at all. Never leaving the old governor’s dim house, she occasionally talked about far-off places and beautiful rooms, as if she had just come from them. Hidden things were visible to her (at least that’s what people guessed from the vague hints that slipped out of her mouth), and silence could be heard. And in all the world, nothing was as hard to bear for those with a dark secret as the look from Priscilla’s timid and sorrowful eyes.
Her peculiarities were the theme of continual gossip among the other inhabitants of the gubernatorial mansion. The rumor spread thence into a wider circle. Those who knew old Moodie, as he was now called, used often to jeer him, at the very street-corners, about his daughter's gift of second-sight and prophecy. It was a period when science (though mostly through its empirical professors) was bringing forward, anew, a hoard of facts and imperfect theories, that had partially won credence in elder times, but which modern scepticism had swept away as rubbish. These things were now tossed up again, out of the surging ocean of human thought and experience. The story of Priscilla's preternatural manifestations, therefore, attracted a kind of notice of which it would have been deemed wholly unworthy a few years earlier. One day a gentleman ascended the creaking staircase, and inquired which was old Moodie's chamber door. And, several times, he came again. He was a marvellously handsome man,—still youthful, too, and fashionably dressed. Except that Priscilla, in those days, had no beauty, and, in the languor of her existence, had not yet blossomed into womanhood, there would have been rich food for scandal in these visits; for the girl was unquestionably their sole object, although her father was supposed always to be present. But, it must likewise be added, there was something about Priscilla that calumny could not meddle with; and thus far was she privileged, either by the preponderance of what was spiritual, or the thin and watery blood that left her cheek so pallid.
Her quirks were the topic of constant gossip among the other residents of the governor's mansion. The rumor then spread to a larger crowd. Those who knew old Moodie—now that was his name—often mocked him at street corners about his daughter's ability to predict the future. It was a time when science, mostly through its more practical professors, was reintroducing a bunch of facts and shaky theories that had once been somewhat accepted in older times but which modern skepticism had thrown out as nonsense. These topics were now being revived from the tidal wave of human thought and experience. As a result, the story of Priscilla's extraordinary abilities received a level of attention that would have seemed completely ridiculous just a few years prior. One day, a man climbed the creaking staircase and asked which door was old Moodie's room. He came back several times. He was an incredibly handsome man—still young and dressed fashionably. If Priscilla had been beautiful back then, and if she had blossomed into womanhood in her stagnant existence, these visits could have fueled plenty of scandal; clearly, the girl was his only interest, although her father was thought to always be around. But it should also be noted that there was something about Priscilla that gossip couldn't tarnish, and she was somewhat protected, either by the strength of her spirituality or the pale, watery blood that made her cheeks so colorless.
Yet, if the busy tongues of the neighborhood spared Priscilla in one way, they made themselves amends by renewed and wilder babble on another score. They averred that the strange gentleman was a wizard, and that he had taken advantage of Priscilla's lack of earthly substance to subject her to himself, as his familiar spirit, through whose medium he gained cognizance of whatever happened, in regions near or remote. The boundaries of his power were defined by the verge of the pit of Tartarus on the one hand, and the third sphere of the celestial world on the other. Again, they declared their suspicion that the wizard, with all his show of manly beauty, was really an aged and wizened figure, or else that his semblance of a human body was only a necromantic, or perhaps a mechanical contrivance, in which a demon walked about. In proof of it, however, they could merely instance a gold band around his upper teeth, which had once been visible to several old women, when he smiled at them from the top of the governor's staircase. Of course this was all absurdity, or mostly so. But, after every possible deduction, there remained certain very mysterious points about the stranger's character, as well as the connection that he established with Priscilla. Its nature at that period was even less understood than now, when miracles of this kind have grown so absolutely stale, that I would gladly, if the truth allowed, dismiss the whole matter from my narrative.
Yet, if the gossiping neighbors spared Priscilla in one way, they made up for it by spreading even wilder rumors in another. They claimed that the strange gentleman was a wizard and had exploited Priscilla’s lack of physical presence to make her his familiar spirit, using her as a means to know everything that happened, whether nearby or far away. His power supposedly stretched from the edge of hell to the highest reaches of heaven. They also suggested that the wizard, despite his handsome appearance, was actually an old, gnarled figure, or that his human form was just a necromantic or possibly mechanical image, within which a demon roamed. The only evidence they could provide was a gold band around his upper teeth, which a few old women claimed to have seen when he smiled at them from the top of the governor's staircase. Of course, this was all ridiculous, or mostly so. But, after considering everything, there were still some very mysterious aspects about the stranger’s character, as well as the connection he had with Priscilla. Its true nature at that time was even less understood than it is now, when such miracles have become so completely ordinary that I would gladly, if it were possible, remove the whole matter from my story.
We must now glance backward, in quest of the beautiful daughter of Fauntleroy's prosperity. What had become of her? Fauntleroy's only brother, a bachelor, and with no other relative so near, had adopted the forsaken child. She grew up in affluence, with native graces clustering luxuriantly about her. In her triumphant progress towards womanhood, she was adorned with every variety of feminine accomplishment. But she lacked a mother's care. With no adequate control, on any hand (for a man, however stern, however wise, can never sway and guide a female child), her character was left to shape itself. There was good in it, and evil. Passionate, self-willed, and imperious, she had a warm and generous nature; showing the richness of the soil, however, chiefly by the weeds that flourished in it, and choked up the herbs of grace. In her girlhood her uncle died. As Fauntleroy was supposed to be likewise dead, and no other heir was known to exist, his wealth devolved on her, although, dying suddenly, the uncle left no will. After his death there were obscure passages in Zenobia's history. There were whispers of an attachment, and even a secret marriage, with a fascinating and accomplished but unprincipled young man. The incidents and appearances, however, which led to this surmise soon passed away, and were forgotten.
We need to take a moment to look back at the beautiful daughter of Fauntleroy's success. What happened to her? Fauntleroy's only brother, who was single and had no other close relatives, adopted the abandoned child. She grew up in wealth, with natural charms surrounding her. As she moved confidently toward adulthood, she acquired every kind of feminine skill. However, she missed a mother's care. Without proper guidance (since a man, no matter how strict or wise, can never fully guide a girl), her character developed on its own. There was both good and bad in her. Passionate, headstrong, and dominant, she had a warm and generous heart; yet the richness of her personality was mainly shown by the flaws that thrived within her and overshadowed her grace. During her teenage years, her uncle passed away. Since Fauntleroy was thought to be dead as well, and no other heir was known to exist, his fortune went to her—even though the uncle died unexpectedly and left no will. Following his death, there were unclear details in Zenobia's story. There were rumors of a romantic relationship, and even a secret marriage, with an attractive and talented but morally questionable young man. However, the events and appearances that led to this speculation quickly faded and were forgotten.
Nor was her reputation seriously affected by the report. In fact, so great was her native power and influence, and such seemed the careless purity of her nature, that whatever Zenobia did was generally acknowledged as right for her to do. The world never criticised her so harshly as it does most women who transcend its rules. It almost yielded its assent, when it beheld her stepping out of the common path, and asserting the more extensive privileges of her sex, both theoretically and by her practice. The sphere of ordinary womanhood was felt to be narrower than her development required.
Nor did her reputation suffer much from the report. In fact, her natural power and influence were so strong, and her pure demeanor seemed so effortless, that whatever Zenobia chose to do was widely accepted as appropriate for her. People didn’t criticize her as harshly as they do most women who break the rules. They almost seemed to agree when they saw her stepping off the beaten path and claiming the broader rights of her gender, both in theory and through her actions. The traditional role for women seemed too limited for her growth.
A portion of Zenobia's more recent life is told in the foregoing pages. Partly in earnest,—and, I imagine, as was her disposition, half in a proud jest, or in a kind of recklessness that had grown upon her, out of some hidden grief,—she had given her countenance, and promised liberal pecuniary aid, to our experiment of a better social state. And Priscilla followed her to Blithedale. The sole bliss of her life had been a dream of this beautiful sister, who had never so much as known of her existence. By this time, too, the poor girl was enthralled in an intolerable bondage, from which she must either free herself or perish. She deemed herself safest near Zenobia, into whose large heart she hoped to nestle.
A part of Zenobia's more recent life is shared in the previous pages. Partly seriously—and, I think, as was her nature, partly with a proud joke or a sort of recklessness that had developed in her from some hidden sorrow—she had offered her support and promised generous financial help to our attempt at a better social system. And Priscilla followed her to Blithedale. The only happiness in her life had been the dream of this beautiful sister, who never even knew she existed. By this point, the poor girl was trapped in an unbearable situation, from which she had to either escape or die. She thought she would be safest near Zenobia, hoping to find comfort in her big heart.
One evening, months after Priscilla's departure, when Moodie (or shall we call him Fauntleroy?) was sitting alone in the state-chamber of the old governor, there came footsteps up the staircase. There was a pause on the landing-place. A lady's musical yet haughty accents were heard making an inquiry from some denizen of the house, who had thrust a head out of a contiguous chamber. There was then a knock at Moodie's door. "Come in!" said he.
One evening, months after Priscilla left, when Moodie (or should we call him Fauntleroy?) was sitting alone in the old governor's state room, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. There was a pause on the landing. A lady's musical yet proud voice could be heard asking someone from another room. Then, there was a knock at Moodie's door. "Come in!" he said.
And Zenobia entered. The details of the interview that followed being unknown to me,—while, notwithstanding, it would be a pity quite to lose the picturesqueness of the situation,—I shall attempt to sketch it, mainly from fancy, although with some general grounds of surmise in regard to the old man's feelings.
And Zenobia came in. I don’t know the details of the conversation that followed, but it would be a shame to lose the vividness of the scene. So, I’ll try to describe it, mostly from imagination, but with some general ideas about how the old man might have felt.
She gazed wonderingly at the dismal chamber. Dismal to her, who beheld it only for an instant; and how much more so to him, into whose brain each bare spot on the ceiling, every tatter of the paper-hangings, and all the splintered carvings of the mantelpiece, seen wearily through long years, had worn their several prints! Inexpressibly miserable is this familiarity with objects that have been from the first disgustful.
She looked around the gloomy room with curiosity. It felt gloomy to her, who only saw it for a moment; but it was even more so for him, who had let every bare patch on the ceiling, every tear in the wallpaper, and all the chipped carvings of the mantelpiece sink into his mind after years of weary observation. There’s something incredibly sad about being so familiar with things that have always been off-putting.
"I have received a strange message," said Zenobia, after a moment's silence, "requesting, or rather enjoining it upon me, to come hither. Rather from curiosity than any other motive,—and because, though a woman, I have not all the timidity of one,—I have complied. Can it be you, sir, who thus summoned me?"
"I got a strange message," Zenobia said after a brief pause, "asking, or rather insisting that I come here. Out of curiosity more than anything else—and because, even though I'm a woman, I'm not overly timid—I decided to come. Is it you, sir, who called me here?"
"It was," answered Moodie.
"It was," Moodie responded.
"And what was your purpose?" she continued. "You require charity, perhaps? In that case, the message might have been more fitly worded. But you are old and poor, and age and poverty should be allowed their privileges. Tell me, therefore, to what extent you need my aid."
"And what was your purpose?" she continued. "Do you need charity, maybe? If that's the case, the message could've been worded better. But you’re older and struggling, and age and hardship should have their privileges. So, tell me, how much do you need my help?"
"Put up your purse," said the supposed mendicant, with an inexplicable smile. "Keep it,—keep all your wealth,—until I demand it all, or none! My message had no such end in view. You are beautiful, they tell me; and I desired to look at you."
"Put down your purse," said the supposed beggar, with a mysterious smile. "Hold on to it—keep all your money—until I ask for it, either everything or nothing! My message wasn't meant for that. They say you're beautiful, and I just wanted to see you."
He took the one lamp that showed the discomfort and sordidness of his abode, and approaching Zenobia held it up, so as to gain the more perfect view of her, from top to toe. So obscure was the chamber, that you could see the reflection of her diamonds thrown upon the dingy wall, and flickering with the rise and fall of Zenobia's breath. It was the splendor of those jewels on her neck, like lamps that burn before some fair temple, and the jewelled flower in her hair, more than the murky, yellow light, that helped him to see her beauty. But he beheld it, and grew proud at heart; his own figure, in spite of his mean habiliments, assumed an air of state and grandeur.
He picked up the one lamp that revealed the discomfort and messiness of his place, and as he approached Zenobia, he held it up to get a better look at her, from head to toe. The room was so dim that you could see the reflection of her diamonds shimmering on the dingy wall, flickering with the rise and fall of Zenobia's breathing. It was the brilliance of those jewels around her neck, like lamps shining before a beautiful temple, and the jeweled flower in her hair, more than the murky yellow light, that helped him appreciate her beauty. But he saw it and felt a surge of pride; despite his shabby clothes, he carried himself with an air of dignity and grandeur.
"It is well," cried old Moodie. "Keep your wealth. You are right worthy of it. Keep it, therefore, but with one condition only."
"It’s all good," shouted old Moodie. "You can keep your wealth. You deserve it. Just remember, there’s one condition."
Zenobia thought the old man beside himself, and was moved with pity.
Zenobia thought the old man was out of his mind and felt sorry for him.
"Have you none to care for you?" asked she. "No daughter?—no kind-hearted neighbor?—no means of procuring the attendance which you need? Tell me once again, can I do nothing for you?"
"Don't you have anyone to take care of you?" she asked. "No daughter?—no kind neighbor?—no way to get the help you need? Tell me again, is there nothing I can do for you?"
"Nothing," he replied. "I have beheld what I wished. Now leave me. Linger not a moment longer, or I may be tempted to say what would bring a cloud over that queenly brow. Keep all your wealth, but with only this one condition: Be kind—be no less kind than sisters are—to my poor Priscilla!"
"Nothing," he responded. "I've seen what I wanted. Now go. Don't stay another second, or I might be tempted to say something that would darken that regal face. Keep all your riches, but only under one condition: Be kind—be as kind as sisters are—to my poor Priscilla!"
And, it may be, after Zenobia withdrew, Fauntleroy paced his gloomy chamber, and communed with himself as follows,—or, at all events, it is the only solution which I can offer of the enigma presented in his character:—"I am unchanged,—the same man as of yore!" said he. "True, my brother's wealth—he dying intestate—is legally my own. I know it; yet of my own choice, I live a beggar, and go meanly clad, and hide myself behind a forgotten ignominy. Looks this like ostentation? Ah! but in Zenobia I live again! Beholding her, so beautiful,—so fit to be adorned with all imaginable splendor of outward state,—the cursed vanity, which, half a lifetime since, dropt off like tatters of once gaudy apparel from my debased and ruined person, is all renewed for her sake. Were I to reappear, my shame would go with me from darkness into daylight. Zenobia has the splendor, and not the shame. Let the world admire her, and be dazzled by her, the brilliant child of my prosperity! It is Fauntleroy that still shines through her!" But then, perhaps, another thought occurred to him.
And maybe, after Zenobia left, Fauntleroy paced his dreary room, talking to himself like this—or at least, this is the only explanation I can offer for the mystery of his character: “I am unchanged—the same man I always was!” he said. “It’s true, my brother’s wealth—since he died without a will—is legally mine. I know that; yet by my own choice, I live like a beggar, dress poorly, and hide myself behind a forgotten shame. Does this look like showing off? Ah! But in Zenobia, I come alive again! Seeing her, so beautiful—so deserving of all conceivable splendor—my cursed vanity, which half a lifetime ago fell away like the rags of once-fancy clothes from my debased and ruined self, is all revived for her sake. If I were to reappear, my shame would follow me out of darkness into the light. Zenobia has the splendor, and not the shame. Let the world admire her and be dazzled by her, the shining daughter of my success! It’s Fauntleroy that still shines through her!” But then, maybe another thought crossed his mind.
"My poor Priscilla! And am I just to her, in surrendering all to this beautiful Zenobia? Priscilla! I love her best,—I love her only!—but with shame, not pride. So dim, so pallid, so shrinking,—the daughter of my long calamity! Wealth were but a mockery in Priscilla's hands. What is its use, except to fling a golden radiance around those who grasp it? Yet let Zenobia take heed! Priscilla shall have no wrong!" But, while the man of show thus meditated,—that very evening, so far as I can adjust the dates of these strange incidents,—Priscilla poor, pallid flower!—was either snatched from Zenobia's hand, or flung wilfully away!
"My poor Priscilla! Am I being fair to her by giving everything to this beautiful Zenobia? Priscilla! I love her the most—I love her exclusively!—but with shame, not pride. So dim, so pale, so timid—the daughter of my long suffering! Wealth would be nothing but a joke in Priscilla's hands. What good is it, other than to cast a golden glow around those who hold it? Yet Zenobia better watch out! Priscilla won't be wronged!" But, while the showy man was lost in these thoughts—on that very evening, as far as I can piece together the timeline of these strange events—poor, pale Priscilla was either seized from Zenobia's grasp or thrown away on purpose!
XXIII. A VILLAGE HALL
Well, I betook myself away, and wandered up and down, like an exorcised spirit that had been driven from its old haunts after a mighty struggle. It takes down the solitary pride of man, beyond most other things, to find the impracticability of flinging aside affections that have grown irksome. The bands that were silken once are apt to become iron fetters when we desire to shake them off. Our souls, after all, are not our own. We convey a property in them to those with whom we associate; but to what extent can never be known, until we feel the tug, the agony, of our abortive effort to resume an exclusive sway over ourselves. Thus, in all the weeks of my absence, my thoughts continually reverted back, brooding over the bygone months, and bringing up incidents that seemed hardly to have left a trace of themselves in their passage. I spent painful hours in recalling these trifles, and rendering them more misty and unsubstantial than at first by the quantity of speculative musing thus kneaded in with them. Hollingsworth, Zenobia, Priscilla! These three had absorbed my life into themselves. Together with an inexpressible longing to know their fortunes, there was likewise a morbid resentment of my own pain, and a stubborn reluctance to come again within their sphere.
Well, I took off by myself and wandered around, like a spirit that had been driven away from its old haunts after a fierce struggle. It really humbles a person to realize how hard it is to let go of attachments that have become burdensome. The bonds that were once soft can turn into heavy chains when we want to break free. Our souls aren’t completely ours. We give a part of ourselves to those we connect with, but we can never know how much until we experience the pull and pain of trying to reclaim control over ourselves. So, during all the weeks I was gone, my thoughts kept drifting back, dwelling on the past months and bringing up moments that seemed to have left barely a mark as they passed by. I spent frustrating hours recalling these little things and making them seem even more vague and insubstantial than they initially were by overthinking them. Hollingsworth, Zenobia, Priscilla! These three had consumed my life. Along with a deep yearning to know their fates, I also felt a twisted resentment toward my own suffering and a stubborn unwillingness to step back into their world.
All that I learned of them, therefore, was comprised in a few brief and pungent squibs, such as the newspapers were then in the habit of bestowing on our socialist enterprise. There was one paragraph, which if I rightly guessed its purport bore reference to Zenobia, but was too darkly hinted to convey even thus much of certainty. Hollingsworth, too, with his philanthropic project, afforded the penny-a-liners a theme for some savage and bloody minded jokes; and, considerably to my surprise, they affected me with as much indignation as if we had still been friends.
Everything I learned about them was summed up in a few brief and sharp comments that the newspapers typically published about our socialist project. There was one paragraph that, if I understood it correctly, referred to Zenobia, but it was too vaguely expressed to provide any real certainty. Hollingsworth, with his philanthropic plan, gave the gossip columnists plenty of material for some harsh and cruel jokes; and to my surprise, I felt as angry about it as if we were still friends.
Thus passed several weeks; time long enough for my brown and toil-hardened hands to reaccustom themselves to gloves. Old habits, such as were merely external, returned upon me with wonderful promptitude. My superficial talk, too, assumed altogether a worldly tone. Meeting former acquaintances, who showed themselves inclined to ridicule my heroic devotion to the cause of human welfare, I spoke of the recent phase of my life as indeed fair matter for a jest. But, I also gave them to understand that it was, at most, only an experiment, on which I had staked no valuable amount of hope or fear. It had enabled me to pass the summer in a novel and agreeable way, had afforded me some grotesque specimens of artificial simplicity, and could not, therefore, so far as I was concerned, be reckoned a failure. In no one instance, however, did I voluntarily speak of my three friends. They dwelt in a profounder region. The more I consider myself as I then was, the more do I recognize how deeply my connection with those three had affected all my being.
Several weeks went by, long enough for my brown, calloused hands to get used to wearing gloves again. Old habits, especially the superficial ones, came back to me surprisingly quickly. My conversations took on a more worldly tone. When I ran into old acquaintances who seemed eager to mock my commitment to helping others, I joked about my recent experiences. However, I also made it clear that, at the end of the day, it was just an experiment for me, and I hadn’t invested much hope or fear in it. It allowed me to spend the summer in a fresh and enjoyable way, provided me with some amusing examples of fake simplicity, and couldn’t really be considered a failure from my perspective. Yet, I never brought up my three friends on my own. They belonged to a deeper part of my life. The more I reflect on who I was back then, the more I realize how profoundly my connection with those three impacted my entire being.
As it was already the epoch of annihilated space, I might in the time I was away from Blithedale have snatched a glimpse at England, and been back again. But my wanderings were confined within a very limited sphere. I hopped and fluttered, like a bird with a string about its leg, gyrating round a small circumference, and keeping up a restless activity to no purpose. Thus it was still in our familiar Massachusetts—in one of its white country villages—that I must next particularize an incident.
As it was already a time of lost opportunities, I could have caught a glimpse of England and returned while I was away from Blithedale. But my travels were limited to a small area. I fluttered around like a bird with a string tied to its leg, moving in circles and staying busy without any real reason. So, it was still in our familiar Massachusetts—specifically in one of its white country villages—that I need to highlight an incident next.
The scene was one of those lyceum halls, of which almost every village has now its own, dedicated to that sober and pallid, or rather drab-colored, mode of winter-evening entertainment, the lecture. Of late years this has come strangely into vogue, when the natural tendency of things would seem to be to substitute lettered for oral methods of addressing the public. But, in halls like this, besides the winter course of lectures, there is a rich and varied series of other exhibitions. Hither comes the ventriloquist, with all his mysterious tongues; the thaumaturgist, too, with his miraculous transformations of plates, doves, and rings, his pancakes smoking in your hat, and his cellar of choice liquors represented in one small bottle. Here, also, the itinerant professor instructs separate classes of ladies and gentlemen in physiology, and demonstrates his lessons by the aid of real skeletons, and manikins in wax, from Paris. Here is to be heard the choir of Ethiopian melodists, and to be seen the diorama of Moscow or Bunker Hill, or the moving panorama of the Chinese wall. Here is displayed the museum of wax figures, illustrating the wide catholicism of earthly renown, by mixing up heroes and statesmen, the pope and the Mormon prophet, kings, queens, murderers, and beautiful ladies; every sort of person, in short, except authors, of whom I never beheld even the most famous done in wax. And here, in this many-purposed hall (unless the selectmen of the village chance to have more than their share of the Puritanism, which, however diversified with later patchwork, still gives its prevailing tint to New England character),—here the company of strolling players sets up its little stage, and claims patronage for the legitimate drama.
The scene was one of those lecture halls that almost every village has today, dedicated to that serious and dull, or rather bland, form of winter evening entertainment, the lecture. Recently, this has strangely become popular, even though things seem to be shifting towards written rather than spoken ways of addressing the public. However, in places like this, in addition to the winter lecture series, there is a rich and varied lineup of other shows. Here comes the ventriloquist, with all his mysterious voices; the magician, too, with his amazing tricks involving plates, doves, and rings, his pancakes cooking in your hat, and his selection of fine drinks all fitting into one tiny bottle. The traveling professor also teaches separate classes for ladies and gentlemen in physiology, demonstrating his lessons with actual skeletons and wax models from Paris. You can hear the choir of Ethiopian singers and see the diorama of Moscow or Bunker Hill, or the moving panorama of the Great Wall of China. There's also a museum of wax figures, showcasing the broad range of earthly fame by mixing together heroes and statesmen, the pope and the Mormon prophet, kings, queens, murderers, and beautiful women; basically every type of person, except for authors, of whom I’ve never seen even the most famous captured in wax. And here, in this multi-purpose hall (unless the local leaders happen to have an excess of Puritanical values, which, despite being blended with later influences, still colors New England character), the company of traveling actors sets up its small stage and seeks support for the legitimate theater.
But, on the autumnal evening which I speak of, a number of printed handbills—stuck up in the bar-room, and on the sign-post of the hotel, and on the meeting-house porch, and distributed largely through the village—had promised the inhabitants an interview with that celebrated and hitherto inexplicable phenomenon, the Veiled Lady!
But on the autumn evening I'm talking about, several printed flyers—posted in the bar area, on the hotel's sign, on the meeting house porch, and widely distributed around the village—had promised residents a chance to meet that famous and so far mysterious figure, the Veiled Lady!
The hall was fitted up with an amphitheatrical descent of seats towards a platform, on which stood a desk, two lights, a stool, and a capacious antique chair. The audience was of a generally decent and respectable character: old farmers, in their Sunday black coats, with shrewd, hard, sun-dried faces, and a cynical humor, oftener than any other expression, in their eyes; pretty girls, in many-colored attire; pretty young men,—the schoolmaster, the lawyer, or student at law, the shop-keeper,—all looking rather suburban than rural. In these days, there is absolutely no rusticity, except when the actual labor of the soil leaves its earth-mould on the person. There was likewise a considerable proportion of young and middle-aged women, many of them stern in feature, with marked foreheads, and a very definite line of eyebrow; a type of womanhood in which a bold intellectual development seems to be keeping pace with the progressive delicacy of the physical constitution. Of all these people I took note, at first, according to my custom. But I ceased to do so the moment that my eyes fell on an individual who sat two or three seats below me, immovable, apparently deep in thought, with his back, of course, towards me, and his face turned steadfastly upon the platform.
The hall was set up with tiered seats leading down to a platform, where there was a desk, two lights, a stool, and a large antique chair. The audience was generally decent and respectable: old farmers in their Sunday black coats, with shrewd, tough, sun-weathered faces, often showing a cynical sense of humor in their eyes; pretty girls in colorful outfits; good-looking young men—the schoolmaster, the lawyer, or law student, and the shopkeeper—all looking more suburban than rural. Nowadays, there’s hardly any real rustic quality, unless actual farming leaves its dirt on someone. There was also a significant number of young and middle-aged women, many of them stern-looking, with prominent foreheads and a strong eyebrow line; a type of womanhood where bold intellectual growth seems to match the increasing delicacy of their physical makeup. I initially took note of all these people, as was my habit. But I stopped the moment I saw someone sitting two or three seats below me, completely still, seemingly deep in thought, with his back to me and his gaze fixed intently on the platform.
After sitting awhile in contemplation of this person's familiar contour, I was irresistibly moved to step over the intervening benches, lay my hand on his shoulder, put my mouth close to his ear, and address him in a sepulchral, melodramatic whisper: "Hollingsworth! where have you left Zenobia?"
After sitting for a while, thinking about this person's familiar shape, I couldn't help but walk over the benches, put my hand on his shoulder, lean in close to his ear, and say in a dramatic whisper, "Hollingsworth! Where did you leave Zenobia?"
His nerves, however, were proof against my attack. He turned half around, and looked me in the face with great sad eyes, in which there was neither kindness nor resentment, nor any perceptible surprise.
His nerves, however, were unaffected by my attack. He turned halfway around and looked me in the eyes with deep sadness, showing neither kindness nor resentment, nor any noticeable surprise.
"Zenobia, when I last saw her," he answered, "was at Blithedale."
"Zenobia, the last time I saw her," he replied, "was at Blithedale."
He said no more. But there was a great deal of talk going on near me, among a knot of people who might be considered as representing the mysticism, or rather the mystic sensuality, of this singular age. The nature of the exhibition that was about to take place had probably given the turn to their conversation.
He didn't say anything else. But there was a lot of chatter happening nearby, among a group of people who could be seen as embodying the mysticism, or more accurately the mystical sensuality, of this unique era. The nature of the exhibition that was about to happen probably influenced their discussion.
I heard, from a pale man in blue spectacles, some stranger stories than ever were written in a romance; told, too, with a simple, unimaginative steadfastness, which was terribly efficacious in compelling the auditor to receive them into the category of established facts. He cited instances of the miraculous power of one human being over the will and passions of another; insomuch that settled grief was but a shadow beneath the influence of a man possessing this potency, and the strong love of years melted away like a vapor. At the bidding of one of these wizards, the maiden, with her lover's kiss still burning on her lips, would turn from him with icy indifference; the newly made widow would dig up her buried heart out of her young husband's grave before the sods had taken root upon it; a mother with her babe's milk in her bosom would thrust away her child. Human character was but soft wax in his hands; and guilt, or virtue, only the forms into which he should see fit to mould it. The religious sentiment was a flame which he could blow up with his breath, or a spark that he could utterly extinguish. It is unutterable, the horror and disgust with which I listened, and saw that, if these things were to be believed, the individual soul was virtually annihilated, and all that is sweet and pure in our present life debased, and that the idea of man's eternal responsibility was made ridiculous, and immortality rendered at once impossible, and not worth acceptance. But I would have perished on the spot sooner than believe it.
I heard from a pale man in blue glasses some stories stranger than anything ever written in a romance, told with a simple, straightforward confidence that made it hard for the listener to dismiss them as anything but facts. He mentioned examples of the incredible power one person can have over another's will and emotions; so much so that deep sorrow became merely a shadow under the influence of someone with this ability, and strong love built over years could vanish like smoke. At the command of one of these wizards, a girl, still feeling her lover’s kiss on her lips, would turn away from him, cold and indifferent; a newly widowed woman would unearth her heart from her young husband’s grave before the dirt had even settled; a mother, filled with milk for her baby, would push her child away. Human character was like soft wax in his hands; guilt or virtue were just shapes he could choose to create. The religious feeling was a flame he could fan into a fire or an ember he could snuff out completely. The horror and disgust I felt while listening to this made me realize that if these things were true, the individual soul was basically destroyed, everything sweet and pure in our lives was corrupted, the idea of man’s eternal responsibility became absurd, and immortality was rendered impossible and unworthy of belief. But I would have rather died right there than accept it.
The epoch of rapping spirits, and all the wonders that have followed in their train,—such as tables upset by invisible agencies, bells self-tolled at funerals, and ghostly music performed on jew's-harps,—had not yet arrived. Alas, my countrymen, methinks we have fallen on an evil age! If these phenomena have not humbug at the bottom, so much the worse for us. What can they indicate, in a spiritual way, except that the soul of man is descending to a lower point than it has ever before reached while incarnate? We are pursuing a downward course in the eternal march, and thus bring ourselves into the same range with beings whom death, in requital of their gross and evil lives, has degraded below humanity! To hold intercourse with spirits of this order, we must stoop and grovel in some element more vile than earthly dust. These goblins, if they exist at all, are but the shadows of past mortality, outcasts, mere refuse stuff, adjudged unworthy of the eternal world, and, on the most favorable supposition, dwindling gradually into nothingness. The less we have to say to them the better, lest we share their fate!
The era of ghostly spirits and all the strange things that have come with them—from tables flipping by unseen forces, to bells ringing at funerals on their own, and eerie music played on mouth harps—has not yet begun. Oh, my fellow countrymen, I fear we have fallen into a bad time! If these occurrences aren't just tricks, that's even worse for us. What do they suggest about our spirit except that humanity is sinking to a lower point than ever before? We are on a downward path in our eternal journey, putting ourselves on the same level as beings that death has cast down below humanity for their terrible lives! To connect with spirits like these, we have to lower ourselves into a place more filthy than mere dirt. These ghosts, if they exist at all, are just remnants of the past, outcasts, worthless scraps deemed unworthy of the afterlife, and, at best, slowly fading into nothing. The less we engage with them, the better, or we might end up like them!
The audience now began to be impatient; they signified their desire for the entertainment to commence by thump of sticks and stamp of boot-heels. Nor was it a great while longer before, in response to their call, there appeared a bearded personage in Oriental robes, looking like one of the enchanters of the Arabian Nights. He came upon the platform from a side door, saluted the spectators, not with a salaam, but a bow, took his station at the desk, and first blowing his nose with a white handkerchief, prepared to speak. The environment of the homely village hall, and the absence of many ingenious contrivances of stage effect with which the exhibition had heretofore been set off, seemed to bring the artifice of this character more openly upon the surface. No sooner did I behold the bearded enchanter, than, laying my hand again on Hollingsworth's shoulder, I whispered in his ear, "Do you know him?"
The audience was starting to get restless; they showed they wanted the show to start by banging sticks and stomping their feet. It wasn't long before, in response to their demand, a bearded man in Eastern robes appeared, resembling one of the magicians from the Arabian Nights. He entered from a side door, greeted the audience—not with a salaam but a bow, took his place at the desk, and after blowing his nose with a white handkerchief, got ready to speak. The simple setting of the village hall and the lack of many clever stage effects that had previously enhanced the show made this character's tricks stand out more. As soon as I saw the bearded magician, I put my hand back on Hollingsworth's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Do you know him?"
"I never saw the man before," he muttered, without turning his head.
"I've never seen that guy before," he muttered, without turning his head.
But I had seen him three times already.
But I had seen him three times already.
Once, on occasion of my first visit to the Veiled Lady; a second time, in the wood-path at Blithedale; and lastly, in Zenobia's drawing-room. It was Westervelt. A quick association of ideas made me shudder from head to foot; and again, like an evil spirit, bringing up reminiscences of a man's sins, I whispered a question in Hollingsworth's ear,—"What have you done with Priscilla?"
Once, during my first visit to the Veiled Lady; a second time, on the forest path at Blithedale; and finally, in Zenobia's drawing room. It was Westervelt. A sudden rush of thoughts made me shudder from head to toe; and once more, like an evil presence stirring up memories of a man's wrongdoings, I quietly asked Hollingsworth, “What have you done with Priscilla?”
He gave a convulsive start, as if I had thrust a knife into him, writhed himself round on his seat, glared fiercely into my eyes, but answered not a word.
He jumped as if I had stabbed him, twisted around in his seat, glared intensely into my eyes, but didn’t say a word.
The Professor began his discourse, explanatory of the psychological phenomena, as he termed them, which it was his purpose to exhibit to the spectators. There remains no very distinct impression of it on my memory. It was eloquent, ingenious, plausible, with a delusive show of spirituality, yet really imbued throughout with a cold and dead materialism. I shivered, as at a current of chill air issuing out of a sepulchral vault, and bringing the smell of corruption along with it. He spoke of a new era that was dawning upon the world; an era that would link soul to soul, and the present life to what we call futurity, with a closeness that should finally convert both worlds into one great, mutually conscious brotherhood. He described (in a strange, philosophical guise, with terms of art, as if it were a matter of chemical discovery) the agency by which this mighty result was to be effected; nor would it have surprised me, had he pretended to hold up a portion of his universally pervasive fluid, as he affirmed it to be, in a glass phial.
The Professor began his lecture, explaining the psychological phenomena, as he called them, that he aimed to show the audience. I don’t have a strong memory of it. It was eloquent, clever, and convincing, with a misleading appearance of spirituality, but it was actually filled with a cold and lifeless materialism. I felt a shiver, like a draft of cold air coming from a tomb, bringing the scent of decay with it. He talked about a new era that was coming to the world; an era that would connect soul to soul and this life to what we call the afterlife, creating a closeness that would ultimately merge both worlds into one great, aware brotherhood. He described (in a strange, philosophical way, using technical terms, as if it were a scientific discovery) the method by which this grand change would happen; it wouldn’t have surprised me if he claimed to hold up a sample of his all-encompassing substance, as he said it was, in a glass vial.
At the close of his exordium, the Professor beckoned with his hand,—once, twice, thrice,—and a figure came gliding upon the platform, enveloped in a long veil of silvery whiteness. It fell about her like the texture of a summer cloud, with a kind of vagueness, so that the outline of the form beneath it could not be accurately discerned. But the movement of the Veiled Lady was graceful, free, and unembarrassed, like that of a person accustomed to be the spectacle of thousands; or, possibly, a blindfold prisoner within the sphere with which this dark earthly magician had surrounded her, she was wholly unconscious of being the central object to all those straining eyes.
At the end of his introduction, the Professor waved his hand—once, twice, three times—and a figure glided onto the stage, wrapped in a long veil of silvery white. It draped around her like a summer cloud, vague enough that the shape of her body beneath it couldn’t be clearly seen. But the movement of the Veiled Lady was graceful, fluid, and unselfconscious, like someone used to being the center of attention for thousands; or perhaps, like a blindfolded prisoner within the sphere this dark earthly magician had created around her, she was completely unaware that she was the focal point for all those eager gazes.
Pliant to his gesture (which had even an obsequious courtesy, but at the same time a remarkable decisiveness), the figure placed itself in the great chair. Sitting there, in such visible obscurity, it was, perhaps, as much like the actual presence of a disembodied spirit as anything that stage trickery could devise. The hushed breathing of the spectators proved how high-wrought were their anticipations of the wonders to be performed through the medium of this incomprehensible creature. I, too, was in breathless suspense, but with a far different presentiment of some strange event at hand.
Responsive to his gesture, which was both overly polite and strikingly decisive, the figure settled into the large chair. Sitting there, in such clear obscurity, it resembled nothing more than the actual presence of a disembodied spirit, as much as any stage trick could create. The quiet breathing of the spectators showed just how high their expectations were for the wonders to be revealed through this mysterious being. I, too, was in anxious suspense, but with a very different feeling about some strange event approaching.
"You see before you the Veiled Lady," said the bearded Professor, advancing to the verge of the platform. "By the agency of which I have just spoken, she is at this moment in communion with the spiritual world. That silvery veil is, in one sense, an enchantment, having been dipped, as it were, and essentially imbued, through the potency of my art, with the fluid medium of spirits. Slight and ethereal as it seems, the limitations of time and space have no existence within its folds. This hall—these hundreds of faces, encompassing her within so narrow an amphitheatre—are of thinner substance, in her view, than the airiest vapor that the clouds are made of. She beholds the Absolute!"
"You see before you the Veiled Lady," said the bearded Professor, stepping forward to the edge of the platform. "Right now, she is connecting with the spiritual world through the method I just mentioned. That silvery veil is, in a way, a form of enchantment, having been infused, so to speak, with the spiritual essence of spirits through the power of my art. Though it appears light and ethereal, the concepts of time and space don't exist within its folds. This hall—these hundreds of faces surrounding her in such a small space—are, in her view, less substantial than the thinnest mist made by the clouds. She sees the Absolute!"
As preliminary to other and far more wonderful psychological experiments, the exhibitor suggested that some of his auditors should endeavor to make the Veiled Lady sensible of their presence by such methods—provided only no touch were laid upon her person—as they might deem best adapted to that end. Accordingly, several deep-lunged country fellows, who looked as if they might have blown the apparition away with a breath, ascended the platform. Mutually encouraging one another, they shouted so close to her ear that the veil stirred like a wreath of vanishing mist; they smote upon the floor with bludgeons; they perpetrated so hideous a clamor, that methought it might have reached, at least, a little way into the eternal sphere. Finally, with the assent of the Professor, they laid hold of the great chair, and were startled, apparently, to find it soar upward, as if lighter than the air through which it rose. But the Veiled Lady remained seated and motionless, with a composure that was hardly less than awful, because implying so immeasurable a distance betwixt her and these rude persecutors.
As a warm-up for other, even more incredible psychological experiments, the presenter suggested that some of the audience try to make the Veiled Lady aware of their presence using any methods they thought might work, as long as they didn’t touch her. So, a few loud country guys, who looked like they could blow the apparition away with a single breath, climbed onto the platform. Encouraging each other, they shouted right next to her ear, causing the veil to flutter like disappearing mist; they pounded the floor with clubs; they created such a terrible noise that I thought it might reach, at least a little, into the eternal realm. Finally, with the Professor's approval, they grabbed the large chair and were surprised to see it float upward, as if it were lighter than the air around it. But the Veiled Lady stayed seated and completely still, with a calmness that was almost frightening, suggesting an immeasurable distance between her and these rough intruders.
"These efforts are wholly without avail," observed the Professor, who had been looking on with an aspect of serene indifference. "The roar of a battery of cannon would be inaudible to the Veiled Lady. And yet, were I to will it, sitting in this very hall, she could hear the desert wind sweeping over the sands as far off as Arabia; the icebergs grinding one against the other in the polar seas; the rustle of a leaf in an East Indian forest; the lowest whispered breath of the bashfullest maiden in the world, uttering the first confession of her love. Nor does there exist the moral inducement, apart from my own behest, that could persuade her to lift the silvery veil, or arise out of that chair."
"These efforts are completely useless," the Professor remarked, looking on with a calm indifference. "The sound of a cannon would be inaudible to the Veiled Lady. Yet, if I willed it, sitting right here in this hall, she could hear the desert wind blowing over the sands as far away as Arabia; the icebergs grinding against each other in the polar seas; the rustle of a leaf in an East Indian forest; even the faintest whisper of the shyest maiden in the world, making her first confession of love. There’s no moral incentive, aside from my command, that could convince her to lift the silvery veil or get up from that chair."
Greatly to the Professor's discomposure, however, just as he spoke these words, the Veiled Lady arose. There was a mysterious tremor that shook the magic veil. The spectators, it may be, imagined that she was about to take flight into that invisible sphere, and to the society of those purely spiritual beings with whom they reckoned her so near akin. Hollingsworth, a moment ago, had mounted the platform, and now stood gazing at the figure, with a sad intentness that brought the whole power of his great, stern, yet tender soul into his glance.
Greatly to the Professor's discomfort, just as he said these words, the Veiled Lady stood up. There was a mysterious tremor that shook the magic veil. The spectators might have thought that she was about to ascend into that invisible realm, joining the purely spiritual beings they believed she was so closely related to. Hollingsworth, who had just taken the stage a moment ago, now stood staring at her with a deep sadness that brought forth the full strength of his serious yet tender soul in his gaze.
"Come," said he, waving his hand towards her. "You are safe!"
"Come on," he said, waving his hand at her. "You're safe!"
She threw off the veil, and stood before that multitude of people pale, tremulous, shrinking, as if only then had she discovered that a thousand eyes were gazing at her. Poor maiden! How strangely had she been betrayed! Blazoned abroad as a wonder of the world, and performing what were adjudged as miracles,—in the faith of many, a seeress and a prophetess; in the harsher judgment of others, a mountebank,—she had kept, as I religiously believe, her virgin reserve and sanctity of soul throughout it all. Within that encircling veil, though an evil hand had flung it over her, there was as deep a seclusion as if this forsaken girl had, all the while, been sitting under the shadow of Eliot's pulpit, in the Blithedale woods, at the feet of him who now summoned her to the shelter of his arms. And the true heart-throb of a woman's affection was too powerful for the jugglery that had hitherto environed her. She uttered a shriek, and fled to Hollingsworth, like one escaping from her deadliest enemy, and was safe forever.
She threw off the veil and stood before the crowd, pale, trembling, and shrinking, as if she had just realized that a thousand eyes were watching her. Poor girl! How strangely she had been deceived! Considered a wonder of the world and performing what were seen as miracles—believed by many to be a seer and prophet, while others judged her harshly as a fraud—she had, as I truly believe, maintained her purity and integrity through it all. Beneath that encircling veil, even though it had been cast over her by an evil hand, there was a deep isolation as if this abandoned girl had been quietly sitting under Eliot's pulpit in the Blithedale woods, at the feet of the one who now called her into his embrace. And the genuine heartbeat of a woman's love was too strong for the trickery that had surrounded her until then. She let out a scream and ran to Hollingsworth, like someone fleeing from her worst enemy, and found safety forever.
XXIV. THE MASQUERADERS
Two nights had passed since the foregoing occurrences, when, in a breezy September forenoon, I set forth from town, on foot, towards Blithedale. It was the most delightful of all days for a walk, with a dash of invigorating ice-temper in the air, but a coolness that soon gave place to the brisk glow of exercise, while the vigor remained as elastic as before. The atmosphere had a spirit and sparkle in it. Each breath was like a sip of ethereal wine, tempered, as I said, with a crystal lump of ice. I had started on this expedition in an exceedingly sombre mood, as well befitted one who found himself tending towards home, but was conscious that nobody would be quite overjoyed to greet him there. My feet were hardly off the pavement, however, when this morbid sensation began to yield to the lively influences of air and motion. Nor had I gone far, with fields yet green on either side, before my step became as swift and light as if Hollingsworth were waiting to exchange a friendly hand-grip, and Zenobia's and Priscilla's open arms would welcome the wanderer's reappearance. It has happened to me on other occasions, as well as this, to prove how a state of physical well-being can create a kind of joy, in spite of the profoundest anxiety of mind.
Two nights had passed since the previous events when, on a breezy September morning, I set off from town on foot toward Blithedale. It was the perfect day for a walk, with a refreshing chill in the air that quickly warmed up from the energy of exercise while still feeling lively. The atmosphere had a certain vibrancy and sparkle. Each breath felt like a sip of heavenly wine, mixed, as I mentioned, with a crystal cube of ice. I had started this trip in a rather gloomy mood, as was fitting for someone heading home, but I was aware that no one would be particularly excited to see me there. However, as soon as my feet left the pavement, that gloomy feeling started to fade away under the uplifting effects of fresh air and movement. I hadn’t gone far, with green fields on either side, before my pace became quick and light, as if Hollingsworth was waiting for a friendly handshake, and Zenobia's and Priscilla’s welcoming arms were ready to embrace the returning wanderer. I’ve experienced before, and this time was no different, how a state of physical well-being can bring a sense of joy, despite deep mental distress.
The pathway of that walk still runs along, with sunny freshness, through my memory. I know not why it should be so. But my mental eye can even now discern the September grass, bordering the pleasant roadside with a brighter verdure than while the summer heats were scorching it; the trees, too, mostly green, although here and there a branch or shrub has donned its vesture of crimson and gold a week or two before its fellows. I see the tufted barberry-bushes, with their small clusters of scarlet fruit; the toadstools, likewise,—some spotlessly white, others yellow or red,—mysterious growths, springing suddenly from no root or seed, and growing nobody can tell how or wherefore. In this respect they resembled many of the emotions in my breast. And I still see the little rivulets, chill, clear, and bright, that murmured beneath the road, through subterranean rocks, and deepened into mossy pools, where tiny fish were darting to and fro, and within which lurked the hermit frog. But no,—I never can account for it, that, with a yearning interest to learn the upshot of all my story, and returning to Blithedale for that sole purpose, I should examine these things so like a peaceful-bosomed naturalist. Nor why, amid all my sympathies and fears, there shot, at times, a wild exhilaration through my frame.
The path from that walk still lingers in my memory, filled with a sunny freshness. I don’t know why that is. But in my mind’s eye, I can still see the September grass, surrounding the pleasant road with a greener brightness than it had during the scorching summer heat; the trees are mostly green, although a few branches or shrubs have already changed into their outfits of crimson and gold a week or two earlier than the others. I notice the clustered barberry bushes with their small bunches of scarlet fruit; the toadstools as well—some pure white, others yellow or red—mysterious growths that suddenly appear with no clear origin, growing in ways no one can explain. In this way, they were like many of the emotions I felt inside. I can still picture the little streams, chilled, clear, and bright, murmuring beneath the road, flowing through hidden rocks, deepening into moss-covered pools where tiny fish darted to and fro, and where the hermit frog lay in wait. But I can never understand why, despite my deep desire to know how my story would end, and returning to Blithedale for that exact reason, I examined these things like a quiet-natured naturalist. Nor can I explain why, amidst all my anxieties and fears, an intense thrill sometimes surged through me.
Thus I pursued my way along the line of the ancient stone wall that Paul Dudley built, and through white villages, and past orchards of ruddy apples, and fields of ripening maize, and patches of woodland, and all such sweet rural scenery as looks the fairest, a little beyond the suburbs of a town. Hollingsworth, Zenobia, Priscilla! They glided mistily before me, as I walked. Sometimes, in my solitude, I laughed with the bitterness of self-scorn, remembering how unreservedly I had given up my heart and soul to interests that were not mine. What had I ever had to do with them? And why, being now free, should I take this thraldom on me once again? It was both sad and dangerous, I whispered to myself, to be in too close affinity with the passions, the errors, and the misfortunes of individuals who stood within a circle of their own, into which, if I stept at all, it must be as an intruder, and at a peril that I could not estimate.
So I made my way along the ancient stone wall that Paul Dudley built, through quaint white villages, past orchards full of bright red apples, fields of ripening corn, and patches of woods, all the lovely rural scenery that looks its best just beyond the edge of a town. Hollingsworth, Zenobia, Priscilla! They floated like shadows in my mind as I walked. Sometimes, in my solitude, I laughed bitterly at myself, remembering how freely I had given my heart and soul to interests that weren’t really mine. What did I ever have to do with them? And now that I was free, why should I willingly take on this bondage again? I told myself it was both sad and dangerous to become too close to the passions, mistakes, and struggles of people who were wrapped up in their own lives, where, if I stepped in at all, I would just be an intruder, facing risks I couldn’t even measure.
Drawing nearer to Blithedale, a sickness of the spirits kept alternating with my flights of causeless buoyancy. I indulged in a hundred odd and extravagant conjectures. Either there was no such place as Blithedale, nor ever had been, nor any brotherhood of thoughtful laborers, like what I seemed to recollect there, or else it was all changed during my absence. It had been nothing but dream work and enchantment. I should seek in vain for the old farmhouse, and for the greensward, the potato-fields, the root-crops, and acres of Indian corn, and for all that configuration of the land which I had imagined. It would be another spot, and an utter strangeness.
As I got closer to Blithedale, I felt a mix of depression and random moments of joy. I entertained a bunch of strange and wild ideas. Either Blithedale never existed, or there was never a community of thoughtful workers like I remembered, or everything had changed while I was away. It was all just a fantasy. I'd search in vain for the old farmhouse, the grassy areas, the potato fields, the root crops, the acres of corn, and everything else I had pictured. It would be a completely different place, and utterly unfamiliar.
These vagaries were of the spectral throng so apt to steal out of an unquiet heart. They partly ceased to haunt me, on my arriving at a point whence, through the trees, I began to catch glimpses of the Blithedale farm. That surely was something real. There was hardly a square foot of all those acres on which I had not trodden heavily, in one or another kind of toil. The curse of Adam's posterity—and, curse or blessing be it, it gives substance to the life around us—had first come upon me there. In the sweat of my brow I had there earned bread and eaten it, and so established my claim to be on earth, and my fellowship with all the sons of labor. I could have knelt down, and have laid my breast against that soil. The red clay of which my frame was moulded seemed nearer akin to those crumbling furrows than to any other portion of the world's dust. There was my home, and there might be my grave.
These uncertainties were from the ghostly crowd so likely to emerge from a restless heart. They began to fade as I reached a spot where I could see glimpses of the Blithedale farm through the trees. That was definitely something real. I had nearly walked every inch of that land, engaged in various kinds of hard work. The curse of Adam's descendants—and whether it’s a curse or a blessing, it gives substance to the life around us—first hit me there. Through my hard work, I earned my bread and claimed my place on this Earth, connecting me with all those who labor. I could have knelt down and pressed my chest against that soil. The red clay that formed my body felt more closely related to those weathered furrows than to any other part of the world's dust. That was my home, and it might also be my grave.
I felt an invincible reluctance, nevertheless, at the idea of presenting myself before my old associates, without first ascertaining the state in which they were. A nameless foreboding weighed upon me. Perhaps, should I know all the circumstances that had occurred, I might find it my wisest course to turn back, unrecognized, unseen, and never look at Blithedale more. Had it been evening, I would have stolen softly to some lighted window of the old farmhouse, and peeped darkling in, to see all their well-known faces round the supper-board. Then, were there a vacant seat, I might noiselessly unclose the door, glide in, and take my place among them, without a word. My entrance might be so quiet, my aspect so familiar, that they would forget how long I had been away, and suffer me to melt into the scene, as a wreath of vapor melts into a larger cloud. I dreaded a boisterous greeting. Beholding me at table, Zenobia, as a matter of course, would send me a cup of tea, and Hollingsworth fill my plate from the great dish of pandowdy, and Priscilla, in her quiet way, would hand the cream, and others help me to the bread and butter. Being one of them again, the knowledge of what had happened would come to me without a shock. For still, at every turn of my shifting fantasies, the thought stared me in the face that some evil thing had befallen us, or was ready to befall.
I felt an overwhelming reluctance at the idea of showing up in front of my old friends without first knowing how they were doing. A vague feeling of dread weighed on me. Maybe if I knew everything that happened, I'd realize it would be smarter to just turn back, go unnoticed, and never look at Blithedale again. If it had been evening, I would have quietly approached a window of the old farmhouse and peeked inside to see their familiar faces gathered around the dinner table. If there was an empty seat, I might silently open the door, slip in, and take my place among them without saying a word. My entrance could be so quiet, and my presence so familiar, that they might forget how long I’d been gone and let me blend into the scene, like a wisp of smoke merging into a bigger cloud. I was anxious about a loud welcome. If they saw me at the table, Zenobia would naturally send me a cup of tea, Hollingsworth would fill my plate from the big dish of pandowdy, Priscilla, in her calm way, would pass me the cream, and others would help me with the bread and butter. Being one of them again, I would absorb what had happened without any shock. Still, with every twist of my shifting thoughts, the idea loomed over me that something bad had happened to us, or was about to happen.
Yielding to this ominous impression, I now turned aside into the woods, resolving to spy out the posture of the Community as craftily as the wild Indian before he makes his onset. I would go wandering about the outskirts of the farm, and, perhaps, catching sight of a solitary acquaintance, would approach him amid the brown shadows of the trees (a kind of medium fit for spirits departed and revisitant, like myself), and entreat him to tell me how all things were.
Yielding to this unsettling feeling, I turned into the woods, planning to check out the situation of the Community as stealthily as a wild Indian before attacking. I would stroll around the edges of the farm, and maybe, spotting a familiar face, I would get closer to him in the brown shadows of the trees (a setting suitable for departed spirits and returners like me) and ask him to fill me in on how everything was going.
The first living creature that I met was a partridge, which sprung up beneath my feet, and whirred away; the next was a squirrel, who chattered angrily at me from an overhanging bough. I trod along by the dark, sluggish river, and remember pausing on the bank, above one of its blackest and most placid pools (the very spot, with the barkless stump of a tree aslantwise over the water, is depicting itself to my fancy at this instant), and wondering how deep it was, and if any overladen soul had ever flung its weight of mortality in thither, and if it thus escaped the burden, or only made it heavier. And perhaps the skeleton of the drowned wretch still lay beneath the inscrutable depth, clinging to some sunken log at the bottom with the gripe of its old despair. So slight, however, was the track of these gloomy ideas, that I soon forgot them in the contemplation of a brood of wild ducks, which were floating on the river, and anon took flight, leaving each a bright streak over the black surface. By and by, I came to my hermitage, in the heart of the white-pine tree, and clambering up into it, sat down to rest. The grapes, which I had watched throughout the summer, now dangled around me in abundant clusters of the deepest purple, deliciously sweet to the taste, and, though wild, yet free from that ungentle flavor which distinguishes nearly all our native and uncultivated grapes. Methought a wine might be pressed out of them possessing a passionate zest, and endowed with a new kind of intoxicating quality, attended with such bacchanalian ecstasies as the tamer grapes of Madeira, France, and the Rhine are inadequate to produce. And I longed to quaff a great goblet of it that moment!
The first creature I encountered was a partridge that jumped up beneath my feet and fluttered away. Next, I saw a squirrel that chattered at me angrily from a low branch. I walked along the dark, slow-moving river and remember stopping on the bank above one of its darkest and most still pools (the exact spot, with a barkless tree stump leaning over the water, is coming to mind right now), wondering how deep it was and if any heavy-hearted soul had ever tossed their weight in, escaping the burden or just making it heavier. Maybe the skeleton of that drowned person still lay beneath the mysterious depths, clutching some submerged log at the bottom with the grip of their old despair. However, these dark thoughts were fleeting, and I soon forgot them while watching a group of wild ducks floating on the river, which eventually took off, leaving bright streaks over the black surface. Eventually, I reached my little hideaway inside the white-pine tree and climbed up into it to rest. The grapes I had been watching all summer were now hanging around me in plentiful clusters of the deepest purple, deliciously sweet to taste, and even though they were wild, they lacked that harsh flavor typical of most of our native, uncultivated grapes. I thought a wine could be made from them with a passionate zest, offering a new kind of intoxicating quality, creating ecstatic feelings that ordinary grapes from Madeira, France, and the Rhine couldn't match. And I craved to savor a large goblet of it right then!
While devouring the grapes, I looked on all sides out of the peep-holes of my hermitage, and saw the farmhouse, the fields, and almost every part of our domain, but not a single human figure in the landscape. Some of the windows of the house were open, but with no more signs of life than in a dead man's unshut eyes. The barn-door was ajar, and swinging in the breeze. The big old dog,—he was a relic of the former dynasty of the farm,—that hardly ever stirred out of the yard, was nowhere to be seen. What, then, had become of all the fraternity and sisterhood? Curious to ascertain this point, I let myself down out of the tree, and going to the edge of the wood, was glad to perceive our herd of cows chewing the cud or grazing not far off. I fancied, by their manner, that two or three of them recognized me (as, indeed, they ought, for I had milked them and been their chamberlain times without number); but, after staring me in the face a little while, they phlegmatically began grazing and chewing their cuds again. Then I grew foolishly angry at so cold a reception, and flung some rotten fragments of an old stump at these unsentimental cows.
While eating the grapes, I looked around from the little windows of my hideout and saw the farmhouse, the fields, and almost every part of our land, but not a single person in sight. Some windows of the house were open, but showed no more signs of life than a dead man's unblinking eyes. The barn door was slightly open and swinging in the breeze. The big old dog, a remnant of the farm's past, who hardly ever left the yard, was nowhere to be found. So, what had happened to everyone? Curious to find out, I climbed down from the tree and walked to the edge of the woods, relieved to see our herd of cows chewing their cud or grazing not far away. I thought that a couple of them recognized me (which they should, since I had milked them and looked after them countless times); but after staring at me for a bit, they unemotionally went back to grazing and chewing their cud. I then felt foolishly angry at such a cold reception and threw some rotten pieces of an old stump at those unsentimental cows.
Skirting farther round the pasture, I heard voices and much laughter proceeding from the interior of the wood. Voices, male and feminine; laughter, not only of fresh young throats, but the bass of grown people, as if solemn organ-pipes should pour out airs of merriment. Not a voice spoke, but I knew it better than my own; not a laugh, but its cadences were familiar. The wood, in this portion of it, seemed as full of jollity as if Comus and his crew were holding their revels in one of its usually lonesome glades. Stealing onward as far as I durst, without hazard of discovery, I saw a concourse of strange figures beneath the overshadowing branches. They appeared, and vanished, and came again, confusedly with the streaks of sunlight glimmering down upon them.
As I made my way around the pasture, I heard voices and lots of laughter coming from deeper in the woods. They were both male and female voices; the laughter included not just the bright sounds of young people, but also the deep laughs of adults, like serious organ pipes suddenly filling the air with joy. Not a single voice was unfamiliar to me; not a laugh escaped that didn’t ring a bell. This part of the woods felt as lively as if Comus and his crew were celebrating in one of its normally quiet clearings. Moving closer without risking being seen, I spotted a gathering of unusual figures beneath the thick branches. They appeared and disappeared, then reappeared, all mixed up with the beams of sunlight shining down on them.
Among them was an Indian chief, with blanket, feathers, and war-paint, and uplifted tomahawk; and near him, looking fit to be his woodland bride, the goddess Diana, with the crescent on her head, and attended by our big lazy dog, in lack of any fleeter hound. Drawing an arrow from her quiver, she let it fly at a venture, and hit the very tree behind which I happened to be lurking. Another group consisted of a Bavarian broom-girl, a negro of the Jim Crow order, one or two foresters of the Middle Ages, a Kentucky woodsman in his trimmed hunting-shirt and deerskin leggings, and a Shaker elder, quaint, demure, broad-brimmed, and square-skirted. Shepherds of Arcadia, and allegoric figures from the "Faerie Queen," were oddly mixed up with these. Arm in arm, or otherwise huddled together in strange discrepancy, stood grim Puritans, gay Cavaliers, and Revolutionary officers with three-cornered cocked hats, and queues longer than their swords. A bright-complexioned, dark-haired, vivacious little gypsy, with a red shawl over her head, went from one group to another, telling fortunes by palmistry; and Moll Pitcher, the renowned old witch of Lynn, broomstick in hand, showed herself prominently in the midst, as if announcing all these apparitions to be the offspring of her necromantic art. But Silas Foster, who leaned against a tree near by, in his customary blue frock and smoking a short pipe, did more to disenchant the scene, with his look of shrewd, acrid, Yankee observation, than twenty witches and necromancers could have done in the way of rendering it weird and fantastic.
Among them was an Indian chief, dressed in a blanket, feathers, and war paint, holding an uplifted tomahawk. Nearby stood the goddess Diana, looking like she could be his woodland bride, with a crescent on her head, accompanied by our big lazy dog, since we didn't have a faster hound. She pulled an arrow from her quiver and let it fly randomly, hitting the very tree I was hiding behind. Another group included a Bavarian broom girl, a Black man from the Jim Crow era, a couple of medieval foresters, a Kentucky woodsman in his trimmed hunting shirt and deerskin leggings, and a Shaker elder who was quirky, modest, and wore a broad-brimmed, square-skirted outfit. Shepherds of Arcadia and allegorical figures from the "Faerie Queen" were oddly mingled with this crowd. Arm in arm, or otherwise bunched together in strange contrast, stood grim Puritans, cheerful Cavaliers, and Revolutionary officers with their three-cornered hats and queues longer than their swords. A bright-complexioned, dark-haired, lively little gypsy, with a red shawl over her head, moved from one group to another, offering palm readings; and Moll Pitcher, the famous old witch of Lynn, broomstick in hand, prominently displayed herself in the center, as if declaring all these figures to be the product of her magical arts. But Silas Foster, leaning against a nearby tree in his usual blue frock and smoking a short pipe, did more to make the scene ordinary with his sharp, cynical Yankee gaze than twenty witches and sorcerers could have done to make it strange and fantastical.
A little farther off, some old-fashioned skinkers and drawers, all with portentously red noses, were spreading a banquet on the leaf-strewn earth; while a horned and long-tailed gentleman (in whom I recognized the fiendish musician erst seen by Tam O'Shanter) tuned his fiddle, and summoned the whole motley rout to a dance, before partaking of the festal cheer. So they joined hands in a circle, whirling round so swiftly, so madly, and so merrily, in time and tune with the Satanic music, that their separate incongruities were blended all together, and they became a kind of entanglement that went nigh to turn one's brain with merely looking at it. Anon they stopt all of a sudden, and staring at one another's figures, set up a roar of laughter; whereat a shower of the September leaves (which, all day long, had been hesitating whether to fall or no) were shaken off by the movement of the air, and came eddying down upon the revellers.
A little further away, some old-fashioned creatures with bright red noses were setting up a feast on the leaf-covered ground, while a horned guy with a long tail (whom I recognized as the wicked musician I’d seen before with Tam O'Shanter) tuned his fiddle and called the whole bizarre crowd to dance before eating. They joined hands in a circle, spinning around so quickly, so wildly, and so joyfully, in time with the devilish music, that their individual oddities blended together into a chaotic swirl that almost made you dizzy just watching it. Suddenly, they all stopped, looked at each other’s appearances, and burst into laughter; this caused a flurry of September leaves (which had been debating whether to fall all day) to be shaken loose by the breeze and come swirling down onto the partygoers.
Then, for lack of breath, ensued a silence, at the deepest point of which, tickled by the oddity of surprising my grave associates in this masquerading trim, I could not possibly refrain from a burst of laughter on my own separate account.
Then, unable to catch my breath, there was a silence, and at the most profound moment, amused by the strange idea of surprising my serious friends in this disguise, I couldn't help but let out a laugh just for myself.
"Hush!" I heard the pretty gypsy fortuneteller say. "Who is that laughing?"
"Hush!" I heard the beautiful gypsy fortune teller say. "Who is that laughing?"
"Some profane intruder!" said the goddess Diana. "I shall send an arrow through his heart, or change him into a stag, as I did Actaeon, if he peeps from behind the trees!"
"Some rude intruder!" said the goddess Diana. "I’ll shoot an arrow through his heart, or turn him into a stag, just like I did with Actaeon, if he dares to peek from behind the trees!"
"Me take his scalp!" cried the Indian chief, brandishing his tomahawk, and cutting a great caper in the air.
"Let me take his scalp!" shouted the Indian chief, waving his tomahawk and jumping up excitedly in the air.
"I'll root him in the earth with a spell that I have at my tongue's end!" squeaked Moll Pitcher. "And the green moss shall grow all over him, before he gets free again!"
"I'll bind him to the ground with a spell I have ready to go!" squeaked Moll Pitcher. "And the green moss will cover him completely before he can break free again!"
"The voice was Miles Coverdale's," said the fiendish fiddler, with a whisk of his tail and a toss of his horns. "My music has brought him hither. He is always ready to dance to the Devil's tune!"
"The voice was Miles Coverdale's," said the mischievous fiddler, flicking his tail and tossing his horns. "My music has summoned him here. He's always eager to dance to the Devil's tune!"
Thus put on the right track, they all recognized the voice at once, and set up a simultaneous shout.
Recognized and focused, they all heard the voice at the same time and shouted together.
"Miles! Miles! Miles Coverdale, where are you?" they cried. "Zenobia! Queen Zenobia! here is one of your vassals lurking in the wood. Command him to approach and pay his duty!"
"Miles! Miles! Miles Coverdale, where are you?" they shouted. "Zenobia! Queen Zenobia! Here’s one of your subjects hiding in the woods. Order him to come forward and show his respect!"
The whole fantastic rabble forthwith streamed off in pursuit of me, so that I was like a mad poet hunted by chimeras. Having fairly the start of them, however, I succeeded in making my escape, and soon left their merriment and riot at a good distance in the rear. Its fainter tones assumed a kind of mournfulness, and were finally lost in the hush and solemnity of the wood. In my haste, I stumbled over a heap of logs and sticks that had been cut for firewood, a great while ago, by some former possessor of the soil, and piled up square, in order to be carted or sledded away to the farmhouse. But, being forgotten, they had lain there perhaps fifty years, and possibly much longer; until, by the accumulation of moss, and the leaves falling over them, and decaying there, from autumn to autumn, a green mound was formed, in which the softened outline of the woodpile was still perceptible. In the fitful mood that then swayed my mind, I found something strangely affecting in this simple circumstance. I imagined the long-dead woodman, and his long-dead wife and children, coming out of their chill graves, and essaying to make a fire with this heap of mossy fuel!
The entire wild bunch immediately rushed after me, making me feel like a crazy poet chased by illusions. However, I managed to get a head start and successfully escaped, soon putting their laughter and chaos far behind me. The distant sounds took on a sad tone and eventually faded into the stillness and seriousness of the woods. In my hurry, I tripped over a pile of logs and sticks that had been cut for firewood long ago by someone who used to own the land, stacked neatly to be transported to the farmhouse. But, forgotten, they had probably sat there for fifty years or even longer; over time, moss had built up, and leaves fell and decayed on top of them from autumn to autumn, forming a green mound where the outline of the woodpile was still visible. In the restless mood I was in, I found something oddly moving about this simple scene. I pictured the long-gone woodcutter, along with his long-gone wife and kids, rising from their cold graves and trying to make a fire with this pile of mossy fuel!
From this spot I strayed onward, quite lost in reverie, and neither knew nor cared whither I was going, until a low, soft, well-remembered voice spoke, at a little distance.
From this spot, I wandered on, completely lost in thought, and I didn’t know or care where I was headed, until a quiet, familiar voice spoke from a little way off.
"There is Mr. Coverdale!"
"There's Mr. Coverdale!"
"Miles Coverdale!" said another voice,—and its tones were very stern. "Let him come forward, then!"
"Miles Coverdale!" said another voice, and it was very stern. "Let him come forward, then!"
"Yes, Mr. Coverdale," cried a woman's voice,—clear and melodious, but, just then, with something unnatural in its chord,—"you are welcome! But you come half an hour too late, and have missed a scene which you would have enjoyed!"
"Yes, Mr. Coverdale," a woman's voice called out—clear and sweet, but at that moment, with something off in its tone—"you're welcome! But you arrived half an hour too late and missed a scene that you would have loved!"
I looked up and found myself nigh Eliot's pulpit, at the base of which sat Hollingsworth, with Priscilla at his feet and Zenobia standing before them.
I looked up and found myself near Eliot's pulpit, at the base of which sat Hollingsworth, with Priscilla at his feet and Zenobia standing in front of them.
XXV. THE THREE TOGETHER
Hollingsworth was in his ordinary working-dress. Priscilla wore a pretty and simple gown, with a kerchief about her neck, and a calash, which she had flung back from her head, leaving it suspended by the strings. But Zenobia (whose part among the maskers, as may be supposed, was no inferior one) appeared in a costume of fanciful magnificence, with her jewelled flower as the central ornament of what resembled a leafy crown, or coronet. She represented the Oriental princess by whose name we were accustomed to know her. Her attitude was free and noble; yet, if a queen's, it was not that of a queen triumphant, but dethroned, on trial for her life, or, perchance, condemned already. The spirit of the conflict seemed, nevertheless, to be alive in her. Her eyes were on fire; her cheeks had each a crimson spot, so exceedingly vivid, and marked with so definite an outline, that I at first doubted whether it were not artificial. In a very brief space, however, this idea was shamed by the paleness that ensued, as the blood sunk suddenly away. Zenobia now looked like marble.
Hollingsworth was dressed in his usual work attire. Priscilla wore a pretty and simple dress, with a scarf around her neck and a calash that she had pushed back from her head, leaving it hanging by the strings. But Zenobia (who, as you might imagine, had an important role among the maskers) showed up in an outfit of elaborate magnificence, adorned with a jeweled flower as the main feature of what looked like a leafy crown or tiara. She portrayed the Oriental princess by which we had come to know her. Her posture was confident and regal; yet, if she seemed like a queen, it was not in a victorious way, but more like a dethroned queen, on trial for her life, or perhaps already condemned. Nevertheless, the spirit of the struggle appeared to be alive within her. Her eyes blazed; her cheeks had vivid crimson spots, so strikingly bright and sharply defined that I initially wondered if they were painted on. However, in a very short time, that thought was dispelled by the paleness that followed as her blood seemed to drain away. Zenobia now resembled marble.
One always feels the fact, in an instant, when he has intruded on those who love, or those who hate, at some acme of their passion that puts them into a sphere of their own, where no other spirit can pretend to stand on equal ground with them. I was confused,—affected even with a species of terror,—and wished myself away. The intenseness of their feelings gave them the exclusive property of the soil and atmosphere, and left me no right to be or breathe there.
One can instantly feel it when they've interrupted those who love or hate at a peak of their emotions, placing them in a space of their own where no one else can stand on equal footing. I felt confused—almost scared—and wished I could just leave. The intensity of their feelings made the place solely theirs, leaving me with no right to be or breathe there.
"Hollingsworth,—Zenobia,—I have just returned to Blithedale," said I, "and had no thought of finding you here. We shall meet again at the house. I will retire."
"Hollingsworth, Zenobia, I just came back to Blithedale," I said, "and I didn't expect to see you here. We'll meet again at the house. I'm going to take my leave."
"This place is free to you," answered Hollingsworth.
"This place is yours to enjoy," replied Hollingsworth.
"As free as to ourselves," added Zenobia. "This long while past, you have been following up your game, groping for human emotions in the dark corners of the heart. Had you been here a little sooner, you might have seen them dragged into the daylight. I could even wish to have my trial over again, with you standing by to see fair play! Do you know, Mr. Coverdale, I have been on trial for my life?"
"As free as we are," Zenobia added. "For a long time now, you’ve been on a quest, searching for human emotions in the dark corners of the heart. If you had arrived a bit earlier, you might have seen them brought into the light. I even wish I could have my trial again, with you there to ensure it’s fair! Do you realize, Mr. Coverdale, I have been on trial for my life?"
She laughed, while speaking thus. But, in truth, as my eyes wandered from one of the group to another, I saw in Hollingsworth all that an artist could desire for the grim portrait of a Puritan magistrate holding inquest of life and death in a case of witchcraft; in Zenobia, the sorceress herself, not aged, wrinkled, and decrepit, but fair enough to tempt Satan with a force reciprocal to his own; and, in Priscilla, the pale victim, whose soul and body had been wasted by her spells. Had a pile of fagots been heaped against the rock, this hint of impending doom would have completed the suggestive picture.
She laughed as she spoke. But really, as my eyes moved from one person in the group to another, I saw in Hollingsworth everything an artist could want for a dark portrait of a Puritan magistrate conducting an inquiry into life and death in a witchcraft case; in Zenobia, the sorceress herself, not old, wrinkled, and decrepit, but beautiful enough to tempt Satan with an equal force; and in Priscilla, the pale victim, whose soul and body had been drained by her spells. If a pile of logs had been stacked against the rock, it would have completed the ominous picture.
"It was too hard upon me," continued Zenobia, addressing Hollingsworth, "that judge, jury, and accuser should all be comprehended in one man! I demur, as I think the lawyers say, to the jurisdiction. But let the learned Judge Coverdale seat himself on the top of the rock, and you and me stand at its base, side by side, pleading our cause before him! There might, at least, be two criminals instead of one."
"It was really tough for me," Zenobia said, looking at Hollingsworth, "that judge, jury, and accuser all had to be the same person! I object, as I believe the lawyers would phrase it, to this setup. But let the wise Judge Coverdale sit on top of the rock, while you and I stand at its base, side by side, presenting our case before him! At least there could be two criminals instead of just one."
"You forced this on me," replied Hollingsworth, looking her sternly in the face. "Did I call you hither from among the masqueraders yonder? Do I assume to be your judge? No; except so far as I have an unquestionable right of judgment, in order to settle my own line of behavior towards those with whom the events of life bring me in contact. True, I have already judged you, but not on the world's part,—neither do I pretend to pass a sentence!"
"You put this on me," Hollingsworth said, looking at her sternly. "Did I call you over from those people in costumes over there? Am I trying to be your judge? No; only to the extent that I have a clear right to judge, so I can decide how to act towards those I encounter in life. It's true that I've already made a judgment about you, but not on behalf of the world—nor do I claim to pass any sentence!"
"Ah, this is very good!" cried Zenobia with a smile. "What strange beings you men are, Mr. Coverdale!—is it not so? It is the simplest thing in the world with you to bring a woman before your secret tribunals, and judge and condemn her unheard, and then tell her to go free without a sentence. The misfortune is, that this same secret tribunal chances to be the only judgment-seat that a true woman stands in awe of, and that any verdict short of acquittal is equivalent to a death sentence!"
"Wow, this is really good!" Zenobia exclaimed with a smile. "What strange creatures you men are, Mr. Coverdale!—isn't that right? It’s the easiest thing in the world for you to bring a woman before your secret courts, judge and condemn her without hearing her side, and then just let her go free without any official decision. The unfortunate part is that this same secret court happens to be the only place that a genuine woman fears, and any verdict that isn't an acquittal feels like a death sentence!"
The more I looked at them, and the more I heard, the stronger grew my impression that a crisis had just come and gone. On Hollingsworth's brow it had left a stamp like that of irrevocable doom, of which his own will was the instrument. In Zenobia's whole person, beholding her more closely, I saw a riotous agitation; the almost delirious disquietude of a great struggle, at the close of which the vanquished one felt her strength and courage still mighty within her, and longed to renew the contest. My sensations were as if I had come upon a battlefield before the smoke was as yet cleared away.
The more I watched them and listened, the stronger my impression became that a crisis had just passed. On Hollingsworth's forehead, it left a mark that felt like an inescapable doom, brought on by his own choices. In Zenobia, as I observed her more closely, I noticed an intense restlessness; the almost frantic unease of a major struggle, where the defeated still felt their strength and courage powerful within them, longing to fight again. It felt as if I had stumbled upon a battlefield before the smoke had cleared.
And what subjects had been discussed here? All, no doubt, that for so many months past had kept my heart and my imagination idly feverish. Zenobia's whole character and history; the true nature of her mysterious connection with Westervelt; her later purposes towards Hollingsworth, and, reciprocally, his in reference to her; and, finally, the degree in which Zenobia had been cognizant of the plot against Priscilla, and what, at last, had been the real object of that scheme. On these points, as before, I was left to my own conjectures. One thing, only, was certain. Zenobia and Hollingsworth were friends no longer. If their heartstrings were ever intertwined, the knot had been adjudged an entanglement, and was now violently broken.
And what topics had been discussed here? All the things, without a doubt, that had kept my heart and imagination restless for so many months. Zenobia's entire character and history; the true nature of her mysterious connection with Westervelt; her later intentions regarding Hollingsworth, and, in turn, his intentions toward her; and, finally, how aware Zenobia had been of the plan against Priscilla, and what the true goal of that scheme had ultimately been. On these matters, as before, I was left to speculate. One thing was clear, though: Zenobia and Hollingsworth were no longer friends. If their hearts had ever been intertwined, that bond had been deemed a tangle and was now forcefully broken.
But Zenobia seemed unable to rest content with the matter in the posture which it had assumed.
But Zenobia seemed unable to be satisfied with the situation as it was.
"Ah! do we part so?" exclaimed she, seeing Hollingsworth about to retire.
"Ah! Are we really parting?" she exclaimed, noticing Hollingsworth getting ready to leave.
"And why not?" said he, with almost rude abruptness. "What is there further to be said between us?"
"And why not?" he said, almost rudely. "What more is there to discuss between us?"
"Well, perhaps nothing," answered Zenobia, looking him in the face, and smiling. "But we have come many times before to this gray rock, and we have talked very softly among the whisperings of the birch-trees. They were pleasant hours! I love to make the latest of them, though not altogether so delightful, loiter away as slowly as may be. And, besides, you have put many queries to me at this, which you design to be our last interview; and being driven, as I must acknowledge, into a corner, I have responded with reasonable frankness. But now, with your free consent, I desire the privilege of asking a few questions, in my turn."
"Well, maybe nothing," Zenobia replied, looking him in the eye and smiling. "But we’ve visited this gray rock many times before, and we've whispered softly among the birch trees. Those were nice hours! I enjoy stretching out the last of them, even if it’s not quite as wonderful, as slowly as possible. Plus, you've asked me a lot of questions during what you plan to be our last meeting; and since I’ve been pushed into a corner, I’ve answered with reasonable honesty. But now, with your permission, I’d like to ask a few questions of my own."
"I have no concealments," said Hollingsworth.
"I have no secrets," said Hollingsworth.
"We shall see," answered Zenobia. "I would first inquire whether you have supposed me to be wealthy?"
"We'll see," Zenobia replied. "First, I'd like to ask if you thought I was rich?"
"On that point," observed Hollingsworth, "I have had the opinion which the world holds."
"On that note," Hollingsworth remarked, "I have the view that the world has."
"And I held it likewise," said Zenobia. "Had I not, Heaven is my witness the knowledge should have been as free to you as me. It is only three days since I knew the strange fact that threatens to make me poor; and your own acquaintance with it, I suspect, is of at least as old a date. I fancied myself affluent. You are aware, too, of the disposition which I purposed making of the larger portion of my imaginary opulence,—nay, were it all, I had not hesitated. Let me ask you, further, did I ever propose or intimate any terms of compact, on which depended this—as the world would consider it—so important sacrifice?"
"And I felt the same way," Zenobia said. "If I hadn’t, I swear to you that the information would have been just as available to you as it was to me. It’s only been three days since I discovered this strange fact that threatens to make me poor; and I suspect that you’ve known about it for at least as long. I thought I was wealthy. You also know my plans for how I intended to use the majority of my imagined wealth—actually, if I could have used it all, I wouldn’t have hesitated. Let me ask you this: did I ever propose or suggest any conditions regarding this—what the world would see as—a very important sacrifice?"
"You certainly spoke of none," said Hollingsworth.
"You definitely didn't mention any," said Hollingsworth.
"Nor meant any," she responded. "I was willing to realize your dream freely,—generously, as some might think,—but, at all events, fully, and heedless though it should prove the ruin of my fortune. If, in your own thoughts, you have imposed any conditions of this expenditure, it is you that must be held responsible for whatever is sordid and unworthy in them. And now one other question. Do you love this girl?"
"Nor did I," she replied. "I was happy to help make your dream come true—generously, as some might say—but, in any case, completely, even if it ends up ruining my fortune. If you've put any conditions on this spending in your own mind, then you're the one who has to take responsibility for anything that's petty or unworthy about it. And now, one more question. Do you love this girl?"
"O Zenobia!" exclaimed Priscilla, shrinking back, as if longing for the rock to topple over and hide her.
"O Zenobia!" Priscilla exclaimed, pulling back as if she wished the rock would fall and cover her.
"Do you love her?" repeated Zenobia.
"Do you love her?" Zenobia repeated.
"Had you asked me that question a short time since," replied Hollingsworth, after a pause, during which, it seemed to me, even the birch-trees held their whispering breath, "I should have told you—'No!' My feelings for Priscilla differed little from those of an elder brother, watching tenderly over the gentle sister whom God has given him to protect."
"Had you asked me that question a little while ago," Hollingsworth replied after a pause, during which it felt like even the birch trees stopped whispering, "I would have said—'No!' My feelings for Priscilla were similar to those of an older brother caring for the sweet sister that God has given him to look after."
"And what is your answer now?" persisted Zenobia.
"And what’s your answer now?" Zenobia pressed.
"I do love her!" said Hollingsworth, uttering the words with a deep inward breath, instead of speaking them outright. "As well declare it thus as in any other way. I do love her!"
"I really love her!" said Hollingsworth, saying the words with a deep inward breath instead of just saying them out loud. "It's just as well to say it this way as any other. I really love her!"
"Now, God be judge between us," cried Zenobia, breaking into sudden passion, "which of us two has most mortally offended Him! At least, I am a woman, with every fault, it may be, that a woman ever had,—weak, vain, unprincipled (like most of my sex; for our virtues, when we have any, are merely impulsive and intuitive), passionate, too, and pursuing my foolish and unattainable ends by indirect and cunning, though absurdly chosen means, as an hereditary bond-slave must; false, moreover, to the whole circle of good, in my reckless truth to the little good I saw before me,—but still a woman! A creature whom only a little change of earthly fortune, a little kinder smile of Him who sent me hither, and one true heart to encourage and direct me, might have made all that a woman can be! But how is it with you? Are you a man? No; but a monster! A cold, heartless, self-beginning and self-ending piece of mechanism!"
"Now, let God decide between us," Zenobia shouted, suddenly passionate, "which one of us has offended Him more! At least I’m a woman, with all the flaws that come with it—weak, vain, unprincipled (like most women; our virtues, when we have any, are just impulsive and instinctive), passionate too, and chasing my foolish and unreachable goals through sneaky and misguided means, like a hereditary slave would; false, as well, to all that’s good because I recklessly cling to the small good I see in front of me—but still, I’m a woman! A being who, with just a little shift in fortune, a kinder smile from the one who sent me here, and one true heart to guide and support me, could have been everything a woman can be! But what about you? Are you a man? No; you’re a monster! A cold, heartless, self-starting, and self-ending piece of machinery!"
"With what, then, do you charge me!" asked Hollingsworth, aghast, and greatly disturbed by this attack. "Show me one selfish end, in all I ever aimed at, and you may cut it out of my bosom with a knife!"
"Then what are you accusing me of?" Hollingsworth asked, shocked and deeply troubled by this attack. "Show me one selfish motive in everything I've ever aimed for, and you can cut it out of my heart with a knife!"
"It is all self!" answered Zenobia with still intenser bitterness. "Nothing else; nothing but self, self, self! The fiend, I doubt not, has made his choicest mirth of you these seven years past, and especially in the mad summer which we have spent together. I see it now! I am awake, disenchanted, disinthralled! Self, self, self! You have embodied yourself in a project. You are a better masquerader than the witches and gypsies yonder; for your disguise is a self-deception. See whither it has brought you! First, you aimed a death-blow, and a treacherous one, at this scheme of a purer and higher life, which so many noble spirits had wrought out. Then, because Coverdale could not be quite your slave, you threw him ruthlessly away. And you took me, too, into your plan, as long as there was hope of my being available, and now fling me aside again, a broken tool! But, foremost and blackest of your sins, you stifled down your inmost consciousness!—you did a deadly wrong to your own heart!—you were ready to sacrifice this girl, whom, if God ever visibly showed a purpose, He put into your charge, and through whom He was striving to redeem you!"
"It’s all about you!" Zenobia replied with even more bitterness. "Nothing else; nothing but you, you, you! I have no doubt the devil has had a great time with you these past seven years, especially during this crazy summer we spent together. I see it clearly now! I’m awake, free from the spell! You’ve turned yourself into a project. You're a better pretender than the witches and gypsies over there; your disguise is just a trick you’re playing on yourself. Look where it’s led you! First, you aimed a deadly blow, a treacherous one, at this vision of a purer and higher life that so many noble souls created. Then, because Coverdale couldn’t be completely yours, you discarded him without a second thought. And you pulled me into your plan as long as there was hope I'd be useful to you, only to toss me away now like a broken tool! But the worst of your sins is that you suffocated your deepest feelings!—you committed a grave wrong against your own heart!—you were willing to sacrifice this girl, whom, if God ever had a clear intention, He entrusted to you, and through whom He was trying to save you!"
"This is a woman's view," said Hollingsworth, growing deadly pale,—"a woman's, whose whole sphere of action is in the heart, and who can conceive of no higher nor wider one!"
"This is a woman's perspective," said Hollingsworth, turning very pale—"a woman's, whose entire area of influence is in the heart, and who can imagine no higher or broader one!"
"Be silent!" cried Zenobia imperiously. "You know neither man nor woman! The utmost that can be said in your behalf—and because I would not be wholly despicable in my own eyes, but would fain excuse my wasted feelings, nor own it wholly a delusion, therefore I say it—is, that a great and rich heart has been ruined in your breast. Leave me, now. You have done with me, and I with you. Farewell!"
"Be quiet!" Zenobia shouted assertively. "You understand neither man nor woman! The most I can say in your favor—and since I don’t want to feel completely contemptible in my own eyes, and want to justify my wasted feelings, nor fully deny it as a delusion, that’s why I say this—is that a great and generous heart has been crushed in you. Leave me now. We're done with each other. Goodbye!"
"Priscilla," said Hollingsworth, "come." Zenobia smiled; possibly I did so too. Not often, in human life, has a gnawing sense of injury found a sweeter morsel of revenge than was conveyed in the tone with which Hollingsworth spoke those two words. It was the abased and tremulous tone of a man whose faith in himself was shaken, and who sought, at last, to lean on an affection. Yes; the strong man bowed himself and rested on this poor Priscilla! Oh, could she have failed him, what a triumph for the lookers-on!
"Priscilla," Hollingsworth said, "come." Zenobia smiled; I might've smiled too. Rarely in life does the deep feeling of injury find such a satisfying form of revenge as in the way Hollingsworth said those two words. It was the defeated and shaky tone of a man whose self-confidence was crumbling, and who finally tried to rely on someone else's love. Yes, the strong man humbled himself and leaned on this poor Priscilla! Oh, if she had let him down, what a victory it would have been for the onlookers!
And, at first, I half imagined that she was about to fail him. She rose up, stood shivering like the birch leaves that trembled over her head, and then slowly tottered, rather than walked, towards Zenobia. Arriving at her feet, she sank down there, in the very same attitude which she had assumed on their first meeting, in the kitchen of the old farmhouse. Zenobia remembered it.
And at first, I half thought she was about to let him down. She got up, shaking like the birch leaves trembling above her, and then slowly stumbled, more than walked, toward Zenobia. When she reached her, she sank down at her feet in the same position she had taken during their first encounter in the kitchen of the old farmhouse. Zenobia remembered it.
"Ah, Priscilla!" said she, shaking her head, "how much is changed since then! You kneel to a dethroned princess. You, the victorious one! But he is waiting for you. Say what you wish, and leave me."
"Ah, Priscilla!" she said, shaking her head, "how much has changed since then! You kneel to a dethroned princess. You, the one who won! But he is waiting for you. Say what you need to say, and leave me."
"We are sisters!" gasped Priscilla.
"We're sisters!" gasped Priscilla.
I fancied that I understood the word and action. It meant the offering of herself, and all she had, to be at Zenobia's disposal. But the latter would not take it thus.
I thought I understood the word and the action. It meant she was offering herself and everything she had to be at Zenobia's disposal. But Zenobia didn’t see it that way.
"True, we are sisters!" she replied; and, moved by the sweet word, she stooped down and kissed Priscilla; but not lovingly, for a sense of fatal harm received through her seemed to be lurking in Zenobia's heart. "We had one father! You knew it from the first; I, but a little while,—else some things that have chanced might have been spared you. But I never wished you harm. You stood between me and an end which I desired. I wanted a clear path. No matter what I meant. It is over now. Do you forgive me?"
"You're right, we are sisters!" she said, and feeling touched by the sweet word, she bent down and kissed Priscilla; but it wasn’t affectionate, as there seemed to be a lingering sense of deep hurt in Zenobia's heart. "We had the same father! You knew that from the start; I only found out a little while ago—otherwise, some things that have happened might have been avoided. But I never wanted to hurt you. You were in the way of something I really wanted. I just wanted a clear path. It doesn't matter what my intentions were. It's all in the past now. Can you forgive me?"
"O Zenobia," sobbed Priscilla, "it is I that feel like the guilty one!"
"O Zenobia," Priscilla cried, "I'm the one who feels guilty!"
"No, no, poor little thing!" said Zenobia, with a sort of contempt. "You have been my evil fate, but there never was a babe with less strength or will to do an injury. Poor child! Methinks you have but a melancholy lot before you, sitting all alone in that wide, cheerless heart, where, for aught you know,—and as I, alas! believe,—the fire which you have kindled may soon go out. Ah, the thought makes me shiver for you! What will you do, Priscilla, when you find no spark among the ashes?"
"No, no, poor little thing!" Zenobia said with a hint of disdain. "You've been my bad luck, but there’s never been a child with less strength or desire to cause harm. Poor kid! I think you have a sad future ahead of you, sitting all alone in that big, joyless heart, where, for all you know—and as I, sadly, believe—the fire you've started might soon extinguish. Ah, just the thought makes me shudder for you! What will you do, Priscilla, when you find no spark left among the ashes?"
"Die!" she answered.
"Die!" she replied.
"That was well said!" responded Zenobia, with an approving smile. "There is all a woman in your little compass, my poor sister. Meanwhile, go with him, and live!"
"That was really well said!" Zenobia replied, smiling in approval. "You have everything a woman could need in your little world, my poor sister. In the meantime, go with him and live!"
She waved her away with a queenly gesture, and turned her own face to the rock. I watched Priscilla, wondering what judgment she would pass between Zenobia and Hollingsworth; how interpret his behavior, so as to reconcile it with true faith both towards her sister and herself; how compel her love for him to keep any terms whatever with her sisterly affection! But, in truth, there was no such difficulty as I imagined. Her engrossing love made it all clear. Hollingsworth could have no fault. That was the one principle at the centre of the universe. And the doubtful guilt or possible integrity of other people, appearances, self-evident facts, the testimony of her own senses,—even Hollingsworth's self-accusation, had he volunteered it,—would have weighed not the value of a mote of thistledown on the other side. So secure was she of his right, that she never thought of comparing it with another's wrong, but left the latter to itself.
She waved her hand dismissively, like a queen, and turned her face toward the rock. I watched Priscilla, wondering how she would judge Zenobia and Hollingsworth; how she would interpret his behavior in a way that aligned with her true feelings for both her sister and herself; how she could reconcile her love for him with her sisterly affection! But, honestly, there wasn't as much difficulty as I thought. Her overwhelming love made everything clear. Hollingsworth could do no wrong. That was the one truth at the core of the universe. Any doubts about others' guilt or possible integrity, appearances, self-evident facts, even Hollingsworth's own self-accusation, if he had ever offered it, wouldn’t have mattered at all. She was so confident in his rightness that she never considered measuring it against someone else's wrongdoing; she just let that go.
Hollingsworth drew her arm within his, and soon disappeared with her among the trees. I cannot imagine how Zenobia knew when they were out of sight; she never glanced again towards them. But, retaining a proud attitude so long as they might have thrown back a retiring look, they were no sooner departed,—utterly departed,—than she began slowly to sink down. It was as if a great, invisible, irresistible weight were pressing her to the earth. Settling upon her knees, she leaned her forehead against the rock, and sobbed convulsively; dry sobs they seemed to be, such as have nothing to do with tears.
Hollingsworth took her arm, and they soon vanished into the trees. I can’t figure out how Zenobia knew when they were out of sight; she never looked back at them. But, holding onto her proud stance as long as they might have thrown a last glance, they were gone—completely gone—before she slowly started to slump down. It felt like a heavy, invisible, unstoppable force was pushing her down to the ground. Kneeling, she rested her forehead against the rock and sobbed hard; they seemed like dry sobs, the kind that have nothing to do with tears.
XXVI. ZENOBIA AND COVERDALE
Zenobia had entirely forgotten me. She fancied herself alone with her great grief. And had it been only a common pity that I felt for her,—the pity that her proud nature would have repelled, as the one worst wrong which the world yet held in reserve,—the sacredness and awfulness of the crisis might have impelled me to steal away silently, so that not a dry leaf should rustle under my feet. I would have left her to struggle, in that solitude, with only the eye of God upon her. But, so it happened, I never once dreamed of questioning my right to be there now, as I had questioned it just before, when I came so suddenly upon Hollingsworth and herself, in the passion of their recent debate. It suits me not to explain what was the analogy that I saw or imagined between Zenobia's situation and mine; nor, I believe, will the reader detect this one secret, hidden beneath many a revelation which perhaps concerned me less. In simple truth, however, as Zenobia leaned her forehead against the rock, shaken with that tearless agony, it seemed to me that the self-same pang, with hardly mitigated torment, leaped thrilling from her heartstrings to my own. Was it wrong, therefore, if I felt myself consecrated to the priesthood by sympathy like this, and called upon to minister to this woman's affliction, so far as mortal could?
Zenobia had completely forgotten about me. She believed she was all alone in her deep sorrow. And if it had only been regular pity I felt for her—the kind that her proud nature would have rejected as the worst insult the world could offer—I might have been compelled to slip away quietly, so that not even a single leaf would rustle under my feet. I would have left her to face her struggles in solitude, with only God's gaze upon her. But, strangely enough, I never once doubted my right to be there now, unlike before when I had stumbled upon Hollingsworth and her during the heat of their recent argument. I won’t explain the connection I saw or imagined between Zenobia's situation and mine; nor do I think the reader will uncover this secret woven through many revelations that may have mattered less to me. In all honesty, as Zenobia pressed her forehead against the rock, shaken by that tearless pain, it felt like the very same anguish, with hardly any less intensity, vibrated from her heartstrings to mine. Was it wrong, then, if I felt as though I was called to serve as a priest of sympathy in this way, to help this woman with her suffering, as much as a mortal could?
But, indeed, what could mortal do for her? Nothing! The attempt would be a mockery and an anguish. Time, it is true, would steal away her grief, and bury it and the best of her heart in the same grave. But Destiny itself, methought, in its kindliest mood, could do no better for Zenobia, in the way of quick relief; than to cause the impending rock to impend a little farther, and fall upon her head. So I leaned against a tree, and listened to her sobs, in unbroken silence. She was half prostrate, half kneeling, with her forehead still pressed against the rock. Her sobs were the only sound; she did not groan, nor give any other utterance to her distress. It was all involuntary.
But really, what could anyone do for her? Nothing! Even trying would just make things worse and be painful. Time, it's true, would eventually lessen her grief and bury it along with the best part of her heart. But I thought even Destiny, in its most benevolent mood, could do no better for Zenobia in terms of immediate relief than to let the looming rock hang a bit longer before finally crashing down on her. So I leaned against a tree and listened to her cries in complete silence. She was half collapsed, half kneeling, with her forehead still pressed against the rock. Her sobs were the only sound; she didn’t groan or express her pain in any other way. It was all automatic.
At length she sat up, put back her hair, and stared about her with a bewildered aspect, as if not distinctly recollecting the scene through which she had passed, nor cognizant of the situation in which it left her. Her face and brow were almost purple with the rush of blood. They whitened, however, by and by, and for some time retained this deathlike hue. She put her hand to her forehead, with a gesture that made me forcibly conscious of an intense and living pain there.
At last, she sat up, pushed her hair back, and looked around with a confused expression, as if she couldn’t quite remember what had just happened or what situation she was in. Her face and forehead were almost purple from the rush of blood. However, they eventually turned white, and for a while, she had this ghostly color. She brought her hand to her forehead in a way that made me acutely aware of a strong and vivid pain there.
Her glance, wandering wildly to and fro, passed over me several times, without appearing to inform her of my presence. But, finally, a look of recognition gleamed from her eyes into mine.
Her gaze, darting around randomly, glanced over me several times, without seeming to register that I was there. But eventually, a spark of recognition lit up her eyes and connected with mine.
"Is it you, Miles Coverdale?" said she, smiling. "Ah, I perceive what you are about! You are turning this whole affair into a ballad. Pray let me hear as many stanzas as you happen to have ready."
"Is that you, Miles Coverdale?" she said, smiling. "Ah, I see what you're doing! You're turning this whole situation into a song. Please let me hear as many verses as you have prepared."
"Oh, hush, Zenobia!" I answered. "Heaven knows what an ache is in my soul!"
"Oh, be quiet, Zenobia!" I replied. "God knows how much pain is in my soul!"
"It is genuine tragedy, is it not?" rejoined Zenobia, with a sharp, light laugh. "And you are willing to allow, perhaps, that I have had hard measure. But it is a woman's doom, and I have deserved it like a woman; so let there be no pity, as, on my part, there shall be no complaint. It is all right, now, or will shortly be so. But, Mr. Coverdale, by all means write this ballad, and put your soul's ache into it, and turn your sympathy to good account, as other poets do, and as poets must, unless they choose to give us glittering icicles instead of lines of fire. As for the moral, it shall be distilled into the final stanza, in a drop of bitter honey."
"It’s a real tragedy, isn’t it?" Zenobia replied with a sharp, light laugh. "And you might even admit that I’ve had a tough time. But it’s a woman’s fate, and I’ve earned it just like a woman; so let’s have no pity, as I promise there will be no complaints from me. Everything is fine now, or it will be soon. But, Mr. Coverdale, please write this ballad, pour your heartache into it, and make good use of your sympathy, just like other poets do, because that’s what poets have to do unless they want to give us cold icicles instead of passionate lines. As for the moral, it will be distilled into the final stanza, in a drop of bitter honey."
"What shall it be, Zenobia?" I inquired, endeavoring to fall in with her mood.
"What do you want, Zenobia?" I asked, trying to match her mood.
"Oh, a very old one will serve the purpose," she replied. "There are no new truths, much as we have prided ourselves on finding some. A moral? Why, this: That, in the battlefield of life, the downright stroke, that would fall only on a man's steel headpiece, is sure to light on a woman's heart, over which she wears no breastplate, and whose wisdom it is, therefore, to keep out of the conflict. Or, this: That the whole universe, her own sex and yours, and Providence, or Destiny, to boot, make common cause against the woman who swerves one hair's-breadth out of the beaten track. Yes; and add (for I may as well own it, now) that, with that one hair's-breadth, she goes all astray, and never sees the world in its true aspect afterwards."
“Oh, an old one will do just fine,” she replied. “There are no new truths, even though we’ve prided ourselves on discovering some. A moral? Here it is: In the battle of life, the harsh blow that would only hit a man’s steel helmet is bound to strike a woman’s heart, which has no armor to protect it. Therefore, it’s wise for her to stay out of the fight. Or this: The entire universe, both her own gender and yours, along with Providence or Destiny, all unite against any woman who strays even a tiny bit from the established path. Yes, and I might as well admit it now: with that tiny deviation, she loses her way completely and never sees the world as it truly is again.”
"This last is too stern a moral," I observed. "Cannot we soften it a little?"
"This last is too harsh a lesson," I said. "Can't we lighten it up a bit?"
"Do it if you like, at your own peril, not on my responsibility," she answered. Then, with a sudden change of subject, she went on: "After all, he has flung away what would have served him better than the poor, pale flower he kept. What can Priscilla do for him? Put passionate warmth into his heart, when it shall be chilled with frozen hopes? Strengthen his hands, when they are weary with much doing and no performance? No! but only tend towards him with a blind, instinctive love, and hang her little, puny weakness for a clog upon his arm! She cannot even give him such sympathy as is worth the name. For will he never, in many an hour of darkness, need that proud intellectual sympathy which he might have had from me?—the sympathy that would flash light along his course, and guide, as well as cheer him? Poor Hollingsworth! Where will he find it now?"
"Do it if you want, but don’t blame me," she replied. Then, suddenly changing the subject, she continued: "After all, he threw away something that would have helped him much more than the weak, faded flower he kept. What can Priscilla do for him? Bring passionate warmth to his heart when it’s frozen with disappointment? Strengthen his hands when they’re tired from doing so much and getting nothing in return? No! All she can do is offer him blind, instinctive love and be a small, burdensome weight on his arm! She can’t even provide him with real sympathy. Because will he not, in many dark moments, need that proud intellectual connection he could have had from me?—the kind of sympathy that would light his way and lift his spirits? Poor Hollingsworth! Where will he find it now?"
"Hollingsworth has a heart of ice!" said I bitterly. "He is a wretch!"
"Hollingsworth has a heart of stone!" I said bitterly. "He's a jerk!"
"Do him no wrong," interrupted Zenobia, turning haughtily upon me. "Presume not to estimate a man like Hollingsworth. It was my fault, all along, and none of his. I see it now! He never sought me. Why should he seek me? What had I to offer him? A miserable, bruised, and battered heart, spoilt long before he met me. A life, too, hopelessly entangled with a villain's! He did well to cast me off. God be praised, he did it! And yet, had he trusted me, and borne with me a little longer, I would have saved him all this trouble."
"Don't do him any wrong," Zenobia interrupted, turning arrogantly towards me. "Don't think you can judge a man like Hollingsworth. The blame was mine all along, not his. I see that now! He never pursued me. Why would he? What could I offer him? A pathetic, wounded, and damaged heart, ruined long before he met me. A life hopelessly tangled with a villain's! He did the right thing by leaving me. Thank God he did! Yet, if he had trusted me and been patient just a little longer, I would have saved him all this trouble."
She was silent for a time, and stood with her eyes fixed on the ground. Again raising them, her look was more mild and calm.
She was quiet for a while, standing with her eyes on the ground. When she looked up again, her expression was softer and more serene.
"Miles Coverdale!" said she.
"Miles Coverdale!" she exclaimed.
"Well, Zenobia," I responded. "Can I do you any service?"
"Well, Zenobia," I replied. "Can I help you with anything?"
"Very little," she replied. "But it is my purpose, as you may well imagine, to remove from Blithedale; and, most likely, I may not see Hollingsworth again. A woman in my position, you understand, feels scarcely at her ease among former friends. New faces,—unaccustomed looks,—those only can she tolerate. She would pine among familiar scenes; she would be apt to blush, too, under the eyes that knew her secret; her heart might throb uncomfortably; she would mortify herself, I suppose, with foolish notions of having sacrificed the honor of her sex at the foot of proud, contumacious man. Poor womanhood, with its rights and wrongs! Here will be new matter for my course of lectures, at the idea of which you smiled, Mr. Coverdale, a month or two ago. But, as you have really a heart and sympathies, as far as they go, and as I shall depart without seeing Hollingsworth, I must entreat you to be a messenger between him and me."
"Very little," she replied. "But as you can imagine, my goal is to leave Blithedale, and I probably won't see Hollingsworth again. A woman in my situation, you understand, doesn't feel comfortable around old friends. She can only handle new faces and unfamiliar looks. Being in familiar places would only make her long for what she had; she’d likely blush under the gaze of those who know her secret; her heart might race uncomfortably; she would probably burden herself with silly thoughts about having sacrificed her dignity for a proud, defiant man. Poor womanhood, with its rights and wrongs! This could be new material for my lectures, the idea of which made you smile, Mr. Coverdale, a month or two ago. But since you truly have a heart and some understanding, and since I will leave without seeing Hollingsworth, I must ask you to be a messenger between him and me."
"Willingly," said I, wondering at the strange way in which her mind seemed to vibrate from the deepest earnest to mere levity. "What is the message?"
"Willingly," I said, amazed at how her thoughts seemed to shift from deep seriousness to lightheartedness. "What's the message?"
"True,—what is it?" exclaimed Zenobia. "After all, I hardly know. On better consideration, I have no message. Tell him,—tell him something pretty and pathetic, that will come nicely and sweetly into your ballad,—anything you please, so it be tender and submissive enough. Tell him he has murdered me! Tell him that I'll haunt him! "—She spoke these words with the wildest energy.—"And give him—no, give Priscilla—this!"
"Really,—what is it?" Zenobia exclaimed. "Honestly, I'm not sure. Thinking it over, I have no message. Just tell him,—tell him something beautiful and sad that fits nicely and sweetly into your ballad,—anything you want, as long as it's gentle and submissive enough. Tell him he has killed me! Tell him that I'll haunt him!" She spoke these words with intense energy. "And give him—no, give Priscilla—this!"
Thus saying, she took the jewelled flower out of her hair; and it struck me as the act of a queen, when worsted in a combat, discrowning herself, as if she found a sort of relief in abasing all her pride.
Thus saying, she took the jeweled flower out of her hair; and it struck me as an act of a queen, when defeated in a battle, removing her crown, as if she found a kind of relief in lowering all her pride.
"Bid her wear this for Zenobia's sake," she continued. "She is a pretty little creature, and will make as soft and gentle a wife as the veriest Bluebeard could desire. Pity that she must fade so soon! These delicate and puny maidens always do. Ten years hence, let Hollingsworth look at my face and Priscilla's, and then choose betwixt them. Or, if he pleases, let him do it now."
"Tell her to wear this for Zenobia's sake," she continued. "She's a pretty little thing and will make as soft and gentle a wife as anyone could wish for. It's a shame she has to fade away so soon! These delicate and fragile girls always do. Ten years from now, let Hollingsworth look at my face and Priscilla's, and then choose between them. Or, if he wants, he can decide right now."
How magnificently Zenobia looked as she said this! The effect of her beauty was even heightened by the over-consciousness and self-recognition of it, into which, I suppose, Hollingsworth's scorn had driven her. She understood the look of admiration in my face; and—Zenobia to the last—it gave her pleasure.
How stunning Zenobia looked as she said this! The impact of her beauty was even intensified by her self-awareness and recognition of it, which I suppose was a result of Hollingsworth's disdain. She noticed the admiration in my expression; and—true to her nature—it brought her joy.
"It is an endless pity," said she, "that I had not bethought myself of winning your heart, Mr. Coverdale, instead of Hollingsworth's. I think I should have succeeded, and many women would have deemed you the worthier conquest of the two. You are certainly much the handsomest man. But there is a fate in these things. And beauty, in a man, has been of little account with me since my earliest girlhood, when, for once, it turned my head. Now, farewell!"
"It's such a shame," she said, "that I didn’t think about winning your heart, Mr. Coverdale, instead of Hollingsworth's. I believe I could have made it happen, and many women would have thought you were the better catch of the two. You’re definitely the most handsome man. But there's a fate in all this. And beauty in a man hasn’t mattered much to me since I was a girl, when it once made me lose my head. Well, goodbye!"
"Zenobia, whither are you going?" I asked.
"Zenobia, where are you going?" I asked.
"No matter where," said she. "But I am weary of this place, and sick to death of playing at philanthropy and progress. Of all varieties of mock-life, we have surely blundered into the very emptiest mockery in our effort to establish the one true system. I have done with it; and Blithedale must find another woman to superintend the laundry, and you, Mr. Coverdale, another nurse to make your gruel, the next time you fall ill. It was, indeed, a foolish dream! Yet it gave us some pleasant summer days, and bright hopes, while they lasted. It can do no more; nor will it avail us to shed tears over a broken bubble. Here is my hand! Adieu!"
“No matter where,” she said. “But I’m tired of this place and really sick of pretending to care about philanthropy and progress. Out of all the kinds of fake life, we've definitely stumbled into the most pointless mockery in our attempt to create the one true system. I’m done with it; Blithedale will have to find another woman to manage the laundry, and you, Mr. Coverdale, will need to find another nurse to make your gruel the next time you get sick. It was, after all, a silly dream! Yet it gave us some nice summer days and bright hopes while it lasted. But it can't give us anything more; and there’s no point in crying over a broken bubble. Here is my hand! Goodbye!”
She gave me her hand with the same free, whole-souled gesture as on the first afternoon of our acquaintance, and, being greatly moved, I bethought me of no better method of expressing my deep sympathy than to carry it to my lips. In so doing, I perceived that this white hand—so hospitably warm when I first touched it, five months since—was now cold as a veritable piece of snow.
She offered me her hand with the same open, heartfelt gesture as on the first afternoon we met, and feeling very moved, I thought there was no better way to show my deep sympathy than to kiss it. In doing so, I noticed that this white hand—so warmly inviting when I first touched it five months ago—was now as cold as a real piece of snow.
"How very cold!" I exclaimed, holding it between both my own, with the vain idea of warming it. "What can be the reason? It is really deathlike!"
"Wow, it’s so cold!" I said, holding it between both my hands, hoping to warm it up. "What could be causing this? It feels almost lifeless!"
"The extremities die first, they say," answered Zenobia, laughing. "And so you kiss this poor, despised, rejected hand! Well, my dear friend, I thank you. You have reserved your homage for the fallen. Lip of man will never touch my hand again. I intend to become a Catholic, for the sake of going into a nunnery. When you next hear of Zenobia, her face will be behind the black veil; so look your last at it now,—for all is over. Once more, farewell!"
"The extremities die first, they say," Zenobia replied with a laugh. "And so you kiss this poor, despised, rejected hand! Well, my dear friend, thank you. You have saved your admiration for the fallen. No man's lips will ever touch my hand again. I plan to become a Catholic, just so I can enter a nunnery. The next time you hear about Zenobia, her face will be hidden behind a black veil; so take a good look at it now—because it’s all over. Once more, goodbye!"
She withdrew her hand, yet left a lingering pressure, which I felt long afterwards. So intimately connected as I had been with perhaps the only man in whom she was ever truly interested, Zenobia looked on me as the representative of all the past, and was conscious that, in bidding me adieu, she likewise took final leave of Hollingsworth, and of this whole epoch of her life. Never did her beauty shine out more lustrously than in the last glimpse that I had of her. She departed, and was soon hidden among the trees. But, whether it was the strong impression of the foregoing scene, or whatever else the cause, I was affected with a fantasy that Zenobia had not actually gone, but was still hovering about the spot and haunting it. I seemed to feel her eyes upon me. It was as if the vivid coloring of her character had left a brilliant stain upon the air. By degrees, however, the impression grew less distinct. I flung myself upon the fallen leaves at the base of Eliot's pulpit. The sunshine withdrew up the tree trunks and flickered on the topmost boughs; gray twilight made the wood obscure; the stars brightened out; the pendent boughs became wet with chill autumnal dews. But I was listless, worn out with emotion on my own behalf and sympathy for others, and had no heart to leave my comfortless lair beneath the rock.
She pulled her hand away, but a lingering pressure remained that I felt for a long time afterwards. Having been so closely connected with perhaps the only man she ever truly cared about, Zenobia saw me as a symbol of her past, aware that in saying goodbye to me, she was also saying a final farewell to Hollingsworth and to this whole chapter of her life. Her beauty never shone more brilliantly than in that last glimpse I had of her. She left and soon disappeared among the trees. Yet, whether it was the powerful impression of the previous scene or some other reason, I felt a strange notion that Zenobia hadn’t really gone but was still lingering near, haunting the spot. I felt as if her eyes were still watching me. It was as if the vibrant essence of her character had left a bright mark on the air. Gradually, though, the impression faded. I threw myself onto the fallen leaves at the base of Eliot's pulpit. The sunlight retreated up the tree trunks and flickered on the highest branches; gray twilight dimmed the woods; the stars began to shine; the drooping branches became wet with chilly autumn dew. But I felt listless, exhausted from my own emotions and sympathy for others, and had no desire to leave my uncomfortable resting place beneath the rock.
I must have fallen asleep, and had a dream, all the circumstances of which utterly vanished at the moment when they converged to some tragical catastrophe, and thus grew too powerful for the thin sphere of slumber that enveloped them. Starting from the ground, I found the risen moon shining upon the rugged face of the rock, and myself all in a tremble.
I must have dozed off and had a dream, but all the details completely disappeared just as they were about to lead to some tragic disaster, becoming too intense for the light sleep that surrounded them. When I woke up, I saw the moon shining down on the rough surface of the rock, and I was shaking all over.
XXVII. MIDNIGHT
It could not have been far from midnight when I came beneath Hollingsworth's window, and, finding it open, flung in a tuft of grass with earth at the roots, and heard it fall upon the floor. He was either awake or sleeping very lightly; for scarcely a moment had gone by before he looked out and discerned me standing in the moonlight.
It couldn't have been long before midnight when I came under Hollingsworth's window. Seeing it was open, I threw in a clump of grass with some dirt at the roots and heard it hit the floor. He was either awake or sleeping very lightly because it barely took a moment before he looked out and saw me standing in the moonlight.
"Is it you, Coverdale?" he asked. "What is the matter?"
"Is that you, Coverdale?" he asked. "What's going on?"
"Come down to me, Hollingsworth!" I answered. "I am anxious to speak with you."
"Come down to me, Hollingsworth!" I replied. "I really want to talk to you."
The strange tone of my own voice startled me, and him, probably, no less. He lost no time, and soon issued from the house-door, with his dress half arranged.
The odd sound of my own voice surprised me, and probably surprised him just as much. He didn’t waste any time and quickly came out of the house, with his clothes only partially put together.
"Again, what is the matter?" he asked impatiently.
"What's wrong this time?" he asked, feeling impatient.
"Have you seen Zenobia," said I, "since you parted from her at Eliot's pulpit?"
"Have you seen Zenobia," I asked, "since you said goodbye to her at Eliot's pulpit?"
"No," answered Hollingsworth; "nor did I expect it."
"No," Hollingsworth replied, "and I didn't expect that either."
His voice was deep, but had a tremor in it,
His voice was deep, but it had a shake to it,
Hardly had he spoken, when Silas Foster thrust his head, done up in a cotton handkerchief, out of another window, and took what he called as it literally was—a squint at us.
Hardly had he spoken when Silas Foster poked his head, wrapped in a cotton handkerchief, out of another window and took what he called, and it literally was—a quick look at us.
"Well, folks, what are ye about here?" he demanded. "Aha! are you there, Miles Coverdale? You have been turning night into day since you left us, I reckon; and so you find it quite natural to come prowling about the house at this time o' night, frightening my old woman out of her wits, and making her disturb a tired man out of his best nap. In with you, you vagabond, and to bed!"
"Well, everyone, what are you doing here?" he asked. "Aha! Is that you, Miles Coverdale? You've been up all night since you left us, I guess; and now you think it's perfectly normal to be wandering around the house at this time of night, scaring my wife half to death, and waking a tired man from his best sleep. Get inside, you wanderer, and to bed!"
"Dress yourself quickly, Foster," said I. "We want your assistance."
"Dress up quickly, Foster," I said. "We need your help."
I could not, for the life of me, keep that strange tone out of my voice. Silas Foster, obtuse as were his sensibilities, seemed to feel the ghastly earnestness that was conveyed in it as well as Hollingsworth did. He immediately withdrew his head, and I heard him yawning, muttering to his wife, and again yawning heavily, while he hurried on his clothes. Meanwhile I showed Hollingsworth a delicate handkerchief, marked with a well-known cipher, and told where I had found it, and other circumstances, which had filled me with a suspicion so terrible that I left him, if he dared, to shape it out for himself. By the time my brief explanation was finished, we were joined by Silas Foster in his blue woollen frock.
I couldn't shake that bizarre tone from my voice. Silas Foster, despite his dull sensibilities, seemed to sense the eerie seriousness in it just like Hollingsworth did. He quickly pulled back his head, and I heard him yawning, grumbling to his wife, and yawning heavily again as he hurried to get dressed. Meanwhile, I showed Hollingsworth a fancy handkerchief with a familiar symbol on it and explained where I found it, along with other details that filled me with such a dreadful suspicion that I left it up to him to figure it out. By the time I finished my brief explanation, Silas Foster had joined us in his blue wool frock.
"Well, boys," cried he peevishly, "what is to pay now?"
"Well, guys," he said irritably, "what do I owe now?"
"Tell him, Hollingsworth," said I.
"Tell him, Hollingsworth," I said.
Hollingsworth shivered perceptibly, and drew in a hard breath betwixt his teeth. He steadied himself, however, and, looking the matter more firmly in the face than I had done, explained to Foster my suspicions, and the grounds of them, with a distinctness from which, in spite of my utmost efforts, my words had swerved aside. The tough-nerved yeoman, in his comment, put a finish on the business, and brought out the hideous idea in its full terror, as if he were removing the napkin from the face of a corpse.
Hollingsworth shivered noticeably and took a deep breath through his teeth. He steadied himself and, looking at the situation more directly than I had, explained to Foster my suspicions and the reasons behind them with a clarity that, despite my best efforts, my words had missed. The tough-minded farmer wrapped up the matter in his comments, revealing the horrifying idea in its full horror, as if he were lifting a cloth from the face of a corpse.
"And so you think she's drowned herself?" he cried. I turned away my face.
"And so you think she drowned herself?" he exclaimed. I looked away.
"What on earth should the young woman do that for?" exclaimed Silas, his eyes half out of his head with mere surprise. "Why, she has more means than she can use or waste, and lacks nothing to make her comfortable, but a husband, and that's an article she could have, any day. There's some mistake about this, I tell you!"
"What on earth is the young woman doing that for?" exclaimed Silas, his eyes wide with surprise. "She has more resources than she knows what to do with and doesn't lack anything to make her comfortable, except for a husband, and that's something she could easily have any day. There's some mistake here, I'm telling you!"
"Come," said I, shuddering; "let us go and ascertain the truth."
"Come on," I said, shuddering; "let's go find out the truth."
"Well, well," answered Silas Foster; "just as you say. We'll take the long pole, with the hook at the end, that serves to get the bucket out of the draw-well when the rope is broken. With that, and a couple of long-handled hay-rakes, I'll answer for finding her, if she's anywhere to be found. Strange enough! Zenobia drown herself! No, no; I don't believe it. She had too much sense, and too much means, and enjoyed life a great deal too well."
"Well, well," replied Silas Foster, "just like you say. We'll use the long pole with the hook at the end that pulls the bucket out of the well when the rope breaks. With that and a couple of long-handled hay rakes, I guarantee we'll find her if she's anywhere to be found. It's really strange! Zenobia drowned herself? No way; I don't believe it. She was too sensible, had too many resources, and enjoyed life way too much."
When our few preparations were completed, we hastened, by a shorter than the customary route, through fields and pastures, and across a portion of the meadow, to the particular spot on the river-bank which I had paused to contemplate in the course of my afternoon's ramble. A nameless presentiment had again drawn me thither, after leaving Eliot's pulpit. I showed my companions where I had found the handkerchief, and pointed to two or three footsteps, impressed into the clayey margin, and tending towards the water. Beneath its shallow verge, among the water-weeds, there were further traces, as yet unobliterated by the sluggish current, which was there almost at a standstill. Silas Foster thrust his face down close to these footsteps, and picked up a shoe that had escaped my observation, being half imbedded in the mud.
Once we finished our preparations, we quickly took a shortcut through fields and meadows to the exact spot on the riverbank where I had stopped to think during my afternoon walk. A strange feeling had led me back there after leaving Eliot's pulpit. I showed my friends where I had found the handkerchief and pointed out two or three footprints pressed into the muddy edge, leading towards the water. Just below the shallow edge, among the water plants, there were more signs that hadn’t been washed away by the sluggish current, which barely moved. Silas Foster leaned down close to these footprints and picked up a shoe that I had missed, half-buried in the mud.
"There's a kid shoe that never was made on a Yankee last," observed he. "I know enough of shoemaker's craft to tell that. French manufacture; and see what a high instep! and how evenly she trod in it! There never was a woman that stept handsomer in her shoes than Zenobia did. Here," he added, addressing Hollingsworth, "would you like to keep the shoe?"
"There's a kid shoe that was never made on a Yankee last," he said. "I know enough about shoemaking to recognize that. It's French made; and look at that high instep! And see how evenly she walked in it! There’s never been a woman who stepped more gracefully in her shoes than Zenobia did. Here," he said, turning to Hollingsworth, "would you like to keep the shoe?"
Hollingsworth started back.
Hollingsworth headed back.
"Give it to me, Foster," said I.
"Give it to me, Foster," I said.
I dabbled it in the water, to rinse off the mud, and have kept it ever since. Not far from this spot lay an old, leaky punt, drawn up on the oozy river-side, and generally half full of water. It served the angler to go in quest of pickerel, or the sportsman to pick up his wild ducks. Setting this crazy bark afloat, I seated myself in the stern with the paddle, while Hollingsworth sat in the bows with the hooked pole, and Silas Foster amidships with a hay-rake.
I dipped it in the water to wash off the mud, and I've kept it ever since. Not far from here, there was an old, leaky boat pulled up on the muddy riverbank, usually half full of water. It was used by anglers searching for pickerel or hunters picking up their wild ducks. I pushed this rickety boat into the water, sitting in the back with the paddle, while Hollingsworth sat in the front with the fishing pole, and Silas Foster was in the middle with a hay rake.
"It puts me in mind of my young days," remarked Silas, "when I used to steal out of bed to go bobbing for hornpouts and eels. Heigh-ho!—well, life and death together make sad work for us all! Then I was a boy, bobbing for fish; and now I am getting to be an old fellow, and here I be, groping for a dead body! I tell you what, lads; if I thought anything had really happened to Zenobia, I should feel kind o' sorrowful."
"It reminds me of my younger days," Silas said, "when I used to sneak out of bed to go fishing for hornpouts and eels. Ah, life and death really create a lot of trouble for us all! Back then, I was just a boy fishing for fun; and now I'm becoming an old man, here I am, searching for a dead body! I’ll tell you what, guys; if I really thought something had happened to Zenobia, I would feel pretty sad."
"I wish, at least, you would hold your tongue," muttered I.
"I wish, at least, you would be quiet," I muttered.
The moon, that night, though past the full, was still large and oval, and having risen between eight and nine o'clock, now shone aslantwise over the river, throwing the high, opposite bank, with its woods, into deep shadow, but lighting up the hither shore pretty effectually. Not a ray appeared to fall on the river itself. It lapsed imperceptibly away, a broad, black, inscrutable depth, keeping its own secrets from the eye of man, as impenetrably as mid-ocean could.
The moon that night, though it was past full, was still big and oval. It had risen between eight and nine o’clock and now shone at an angle over the river, casting the high opposite bank, with its woods, into deep shadow but lighting up this side of the shore pretty well. Not a single ray seemed to touch the river itself. It flowed away softly, a broad, black, mysterious expanse, keeping its own secrets hidden from the human eye, just like the depths of the ocean.
"Well, Miles Coverdale," said Foster, "you are the helmsman. How do you mean to manage this business?"
"Well, Miles Coverdale," Foster said, "you’re in charge. How do you plan to handle this situation?"
"I shall let the boat drift, broadside foremost, past that stump," I replied. "I know the bottom, having sounded it in fishing. The shore, on this side, after the first step or two, goes off very abruptly; and there is a pool, just by the stump, twelve or fifteen feet deep. The current could not have force enough to sweep any sunken object, even if partially buoyant, out of that hollow."
"I'll let the boat drift, sideways first, past that stump," I said. "I know the bottom pretty well from fishing. The shore on this side drops off quickly after the first couple of steps, and there’s a pool right by the stump that’s about twelve to fifteen feet deep. The current isn't strong enough to pull any sunken objects, even if they're partially floating, out of that dip."
"Come, then," said Silas; "but I doubt whether I can touch bottom with this hay-rake, if it's as deep as you say. Mr. Hollingsworth, I think you'll be the lucky man to-night, such luck as it is."
"Come on," said Silas; "but I’m not sure I can reach the bottom with this hay rake if it’s as deep as you say. Mr. Hollingsworth, I think you’ll be the lucky one tonight, such luck as it is."
We floated past the stump. Silas Foster plied his rake manfully, poking it as far as he could into the water, and immersing the whole length of his arm besides. Hollingsworth at first sat motionless, with the hooked pole elevated in the air. But, by and by, with a nervous and jerky movement, he began to plunge it into the blackness that upbore us, setting his teeth, and making precisely such thrusts, methought, as if he were stabbing at a deadly enemy. I bent over the side of the boat. So obscure, however, so awfully mysterious, was that dark stream, that—and the thought made me shiver like a leaf—I might as well have tried to look into the enigma of the eternal world, to discover what had become of Zenobia's soul, as into the river's depths, to find her body. And there, perhaps, she lay, with her face upward, while the shadow of the boat, and my own pale face peering downward, passed slowly betwixt her and the sky!
We glided past the stump. Silas Foster worked his rake vigorously, pushing it as far into the water as he could and immersing his whole arm as well. Hollingsworth initially sat still, his hooked pole raised in the air. But eventually, with a twitchy and frantic motion, he started to plunge it into the darkness beneath us, gritting his teeth and making jabs as if he were attacking a deadly foe. I leaned over the side of the boat. The stream was so dark and hauntingly mysterious that—and the thought sent a shiver through me—I might as well have tried to decipher the mysteries of the eternal world and find out what had happened to Zenobia's soul, as I would trying to search the river's depths for her body. And there, perhaps, she lay, face up, while the shadow of the boat and my own pale face looking down passed slowly between her and the sky!
Once, twice, thrice, I paddled the boat upstream, and again suffered it to glide, with the river's slow, funereal motion, downward. Silas Foster had raked up a large mass of stuff, which, as it came towards the surface, looked somewhat like a flowing garment, but proved to be a monstrous tuft of water-weeds. Hollingsworth, with a gigantic effort, upheaved a sunken log. When once free of the bottom, it rose partly out of water,—all weedy and slimy, a devilish-looking object, which the moon had not shone upon for half a hundred years,—then plunged again, and sullenly returned to its old resting-place, for the remnant of the century.
Once, twice, three times, I paddled the boat upstream, and then let it drift back down with the river’s slow, mournful current. Silas Foster had pulled up a large mass of something that looked like a flowing garment as it came to the surface, but it turned out to be a huge clump of water weeds. Hollingsworth, with a tremendous effort, lifted a sunken log. Once it was free from the bottom, it came partly out of the water—covered in weeds and slime, a grotesque sight that the moon hadn’t shone on in fifty years—then sank back down and gloomily returned to its old resting place for the rest of the century.
"That looked ugly!" quoth Silas. "I half thought it was the Evil One, on the same errand as ourselves,—searching for Zenobia."
"That looked ugly!" Silas said. "I almost thought it was the Evil One, on the same mission as us—looking for Zenobia."
"He shall never get her," said I, giving the boat a strong impulse.
"He will never get her," I said, pushing the boat forward with a strong force.
"That's not for you to say, my boy," retorted the yeoman. "Pray God he never has, and never may. Slow work this, however! I should really be glad to find something! Pshaw! What a notion that is, when the only good luck would be to paddle, and drift, and poke, and grope, hereabouts, till morning, and have our labor for our pains! For my part, I shouldn't wonder if the creature had only lost her shoe in the mud, and saved her soul alive, after all. My stars! how she will laugh at us, to-morrow morning!"
"That's not for you to decide, my boy," the yeoman shot back. "I hope to God he never has, and never will. This is slow work, though! I really would be happy to find something! Pshaw! What a crazy idea that is, when the only good luck would be to paddle, drift, poke, and feel around here until morning, only to find out our efforts were in vain! Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the creature just lost her shoe in the mud and managed to save herself after all. My goodness! She'll have a good laugh at us tomorrow morning!"
It is indescribable what an image of Zenobia—at the breakfast-table, full of warm and mirthful life—this surmise of Silas Foster's brought before my mind. The terrible phantasm of her death was thrown by it into the remotest and dimmest background, where it seemed to grow as improbable as a myth.
It’s hard to put into words how the thought of Zenobia—sitting at the breakfast table, full of warmth and joy—came to me from Silas Foster's suggestion. The horrifying idea of her death was pushed far into the background, where it started to seem as unlikely as a myth.
"Yes, Silas, it may be as you say," cried I. The drift of the stream had again borne us a little below the stump, when I felt—yes, felt, for it was as if the iron hook had smote my breast—felt Hollingsworth's pole strike some object at the bottom of the river!
"Yes, Silas, maybe you’re right," I exclaimed. The current had carried us just a bit below the stump when I felt—yes, felt, because it was like the iron hook had hit my chest—I felt Hollingsworth's pole hit something at the bottom of the river!
He started up, and almost overset the boat.
He jumped up and almost tipped the boat over.
"Hold on!" cried Foster; "you have her!"
"Wait!" shouted Foster; "you have her!"
Putting a fury of strength into the effort, Hollingsworth heaved amain, and up came a white swash to the surface of the river. It was the flow of a woman's garments. A little higher, and we saw her dark hair streaming down the current. Black River of Death, thou hadst yielded up thy victim! Zenobia was found!
Putting all his strength into the effort, Hollingsworth pulled hard, and up came a white wave to the surface of the river. It was the flow of a woman's clothing. A little higher, and we saw her dark hair streaming down the current. Black River of Death, you have given up your victim! Zenobia was found!
Silas Foster laid hold of the body; Hollingsworth likewise grappled with it; and I steered towards the bank, gazing all the while at Zenobia, whose limbs were swaying in the current close at the boat's side. Arriving near the shore, we all three stept into the water, bore her out, and laid her on the ground beneath a tree.
Silas Foster grabbed the body, and Hollingsworth did the same; I headed for the shore, keeping my eyes on Zenobia, whose limbs were moving in the current next to the boat. When we got close to the land, the three of us stepped into the water, took her out, and laid her on the ground under a tree.
"Poor child!" said Foster,—and his dry old heart, I verily believe, vouchsafed a tear, "I'm sorry for her!"
"Poor kid!" said Foster, and I truly believe his dry old heart shed a tear, "I feel sorry for her!"
Were I to describe the perfect horror of the spectacle, the reader might justly reckon it to me for a sin and shame. For more than twelve long years I have borne it in my memory, and could now reproduce it as freshly as if it were still before my eyes. Of all modes of death, methinks it is the ugliest. Her wet garments swathed limbs of terrible inflexibility. She was the marble image of a death-agony. Her arms had grown rigid in the act of struggling, and were bent before her with clenched hands; her knees, too, were bent, and—thank God for it!—in the attitude of prayer. Ah, that rigidity! It is impossible to bear the terror of it. It seemed,—I must needs impart so much of my own miserable idea,—it seemed as if her body must keep the same position in the coffin, and that her skeleton would keep it in the grave; and that when Zenobia rose at the day of judgment, it would be in just the same attitude as now!
If I were to describe the horrifying spectacle, the reader might rightly judge me for it. For more than twelve long years, I’ve carried it in my memory and could now recall it as vividly as if it were right in front of me. Of all ways to die, I think it’s the most grotesque. Her wet clothes wrapped around limbs that were terrifyingly stiff. She looked like a marble statue frozen in agony. Her arms had become rigid from struggling and were bent before her with clenched fists; her knees were also bent, and—thank God for it!—in a prayerful position. Ah, that stiffness! It’s unbearable to think about. It seemed— I have to share my own miserable thoughts— it seemed as if her body would stay in that position in the coffin, and her skeleton would remain the same in the grave; and that when Zenobia rises on the day of judgment, it would be in just the same posture as now!
One hope I had, and that too was mingled half with fear. She knelt as if in prayer. With the last, choking consciousness, her soul, bubbling out through her lips, it may be, had given itself up to the Father, reconciled and penitent. But her arms! They were bent before her, as if she struggled against Providence in never-ending hostility. Her hands! They were clenched in immitigable defiance. Away with the hideous thought. The flitting moment after Zenobia sank into the dark pool—when her breath was gone, and her soul at her lips was as long, in its capacity of God's infinite forgiveness, as the lifetime of the world!
One hope I had, but it was mixed with fear. She knelt as if in prayer. In her last moments, maybe her soul was bubbling out through her lips, surrendering to the Father, feeling reconciled and sorry. But her arms! They were bent in front of her, as if she were fighting against fate in an endless struggle. Her hands! They were clenched in stubborn defiance. Forget that terrible thought. Just after Zenobia sank into the dark water—when her breath was gone, and her soul lingered at her lips, it was as long, in terms of God's infinite forgiveness, as the lifespan of the world!
Foster bent over the body, and carefully examined it.
Foster leaned over the body and examined it closely.
"You have wounded the poor thing's breast," said he to Hollingsworth, "close by her heart, too!"
"You’ve hurt the poor thing's chest," he said to Hollingsworth, "right near her heart, too!"
"Ha!" cried Hollingsworth with a start.
"Wow!" Hollingsworth exclaimed, startled.
And so he had, indeed, both before and after death!
And so he had, truly, both before and after death!
"See!" said Foster. "That's the place where the iron struck her. It looks cruelly, but she never felt it!"
"Look!" said Foster. "That's where the iron hit her. It looks harsh, but she never felt a thing!"
He endeavored to arrange the arms of the corpse decently by its side. His utmost strength, however, scarcely sufficed to bring them down; and rising again, the next instant, they bade him defiance, exactly as before. He made another effort, with the same result.
He tried to arrange the arms of the body properly at its side. However, his greatest effort barely managed to bring them down; and rising again, the next moment, they mocked him just like before. He made another attempt, with the same outcome.
"In God's name, Silas Foster," cried I with bitter indignation, "let that dead woman alone!"
"In God's name, Silas Foster," I shouted with bitter anger, "leave that dead woman alone!"
"Why, man, it's not decent!" answered he, staring at me in amazement. "I can't bear to see her looking so! Well, well," added he, after a third effort, "'tis of no use, sure enough; and we must leave the women to do their best with her, after we get to the house. The sooner that's done, the better."
"Seriously, man, that's just not right!" he replied, staring at me in shock. "I can't stand to see her like this! Well, well," he said after trying again, "it's pointless, that much is clear; we need to let the women take care of her once we get to the house. The sooner we do that, the better."
We took two rails from a neighboring fence, and formed a bier by laying across some boards from the bottom of the boat. And thus we bore Zenobia homeward. Six hours before, how beautiful! At midnight, what a horror! A reflection occurs to me that will show ludicrously, I doubt not, on my page, but must come in for its sterling truth. Being the woman that she was, could Zenobia have foreseen all these ugly circumstances of death,—how ill it would become her, the altogether unseemly aspect which she must put on, and especially old Silas Foster's efforts to improve the matter,—she would no more have committed the dreadful act than have exhibited herself to a public assembly in a badly fitting garment! Zenobia, I have often thought, was not quite simple in her death. She had seen pictures, I suppose, of drowned persons in lithe and graceful attitudes. And she deemed it well and decorous to die as so many village maidens have, wronged in their first love, and seeking peace in the bosom of the old familiar stream,—so familiar that they could not dread it,—where, in childhood, they used to bathe their little feet, wading mid-leg deep, unmindful of wet skirts. But in Zenobia's case there was some tint of the Arcadian affectation that had been visible enough in all our lives for a few months past.
We took two rails from a neighboring fence and made a bier by laying some boards across the bottom of the boat. And so we carried Zenobia home. Six hours earlier, how beautiful! At midnight, what a horror! A thought crosses my mind that might seem ridiculous on my page, but it must be included for its undeniable truth. Being the woman she was, if Zenobia could have seen all the ugly aspects of death—how inappropriate it would be for her, the entirely unseemly appearance she would have, and especially old Silas Foster's attempts to make it better—she would have never gone through with the dreadful act any more than she would have shown up at a public event in an ill-fitting outfit! Zenobia, I often think, wasn't entirely naive about her death. She must have seen pictures of drowned people in graceful and lithe poses. And she thought it was fitting and proper to die like many village maidens have, wronged in their first love and seeking peace in the familiar waters of the old stream—so familiar that they couldn’t fear it—where, as a child, she used to wade and bathe her little feet, not caring about wet skirts. But in Zenobia’s case, there was a hint of the Arcadian pretentiousness that had been evident in all our lives for the past few months.
This, however, to my conception, takes nothing from the tragedy. For, has not the world come to an awfully sophisticated pass, when, after a certain degree of acquaintance with it, we cannot even put ourselves to death in whole-hearted simplicity? Slowly, slowly, with many a dreary pause,—resting the bier often on some rock or balancing it across a mossy log, to take fresh hold,—we bore our burden onward through the moonlight, and at last laid Zenobia on the floor of the old farmhouse. By and by came three or four withered women and stood whispering around the corpse, peering at it through their spectacles, holding up their skinny hands, shaking their night-capped heads, and taking counsel of one another's experience what was to be done.
This, however, in my view, doesn't take anything away from the tragedy. For hasn't the world become incredibly complicated when, after getting to know it a bit, we can't even end our own lives with simple sincerity? Slowly, slowly, with lots of dreary stops—resting the coffin often on some rock or over a mossy log to regroup—we carried our burden through the moonlight, and finally laid Zenobia on the floor of the old farmhouse. Eventually, three or four frail women came and stood whispering around the body, peering at it through their glasses, raising their bony hands, shaking their night-capped heads, and consulting each other about what needed to be done.
With those tire-women we left Zenobia.
With those tire-women, we left Zenobia.
XXVIII. BLITHEDALE PASTURE
Blithedale, thus far in its progress, had never found the necessity of a burial-ground. There was some consultation among us in what spot Zenobia might most fitly be laid. It was my own wish that she should sleep at the base of Eliot's pulpit, and that on the rugged front of the rock the name by which we familiarly knew her, Zenobia,—and not another word, should be deeply cut, and left for the moss and lichens to fill up at their long leisure. But Hollingsworth (to whose ideas on this point great deference was due) made it his request that her grave might be dug on the gently sloping hillside, in the wide pasture, where, as we once supposed, Zenobia and he had planned to build their cottage. And thus it was done, accordingly.
Blithedale, up to this point, had never needed a burial ground. We had some discussions about where would be the best spot for Zenobia to rest. I personally wished for her to be laid to rest at the base of Eliot's pulpit, with her name, Zenobia—just that, and nothing more—deeply carved into the rugged rock, left for moss and lichen to eventually cover at their own pace. However, Hollingsworth (whose opinions held a lot of weight on this matter) requested that her grave be placed on the gently sloping hillside, in the large pasture, where we once thought Zenobia and he would build their cottage. And so it was done.
She was buried very much as other people have been for hundreds of years gone by. In anticipation of a death, we Blithedale colonists had sometimes set our fancies at work to arrange a funereal ceremony, which should be the proper symbolic expression of our spiritual faith and eternal hopes; and this we meant to substitute for those customary rites which were moulded originally out of the Gothic gloom, and by long use, like an old velvet pall, have so much more than their first death-smell in them. But when the occasion came we found it the simplest and truest thing, after all, to content ourselves with the old fashion, taking away what we could, but interpolating no novelties, and particularly avoiding all frippery of flowers and cheerful emblems. The procession moved from the farmhouse. Nearest the dead walked an old man in deep mourning, his face mostly concealed in a white handkerchief, and with Priscilla leaning on his arm. Hollingsworth and myself came next. We all stood around the narrow niche in the cold earth; all saw the coffin lowered in; all heard the rattle of the crumbly soil upon its lid,—that final sound, which mortality awakens on the utmost verge of sense, as if in the vain hope of bringing an echo from the spiritual world.
She was buried just like countless others have been for hundreds of years. Anticipating death, we Blithedale colonists sometimes got creative, thinking up a funeral ceremony that would truly reflect our spiritual beliefs and eternal hopes. We intended to replace the traditional rites, which were shaped by Gothic gloom and, with time, have accumulated much more than their original somber essence, like an old velvet pall. However, when the moment arrived, we found it was simplest and most genuine to stick with the old ways, making minor adjustments but adding no new elements, especially avoiding any frivolity with flowers or cheerful symbols. The procession left the farmhouse. Closest to the deceased was an elderly man in deep mourning, his face mostly hidden behind a white handkerchief, with Priscilla leaning on his arm. Hollingsworth and I followed next. We all gathered around the narrow grave in the cold earth; we all watched the coffin being lowered; we all heard the sound of the crumbling soil hitting its lid—the last noise that mortality makes at the edge of consciousness, as if in a futile attempt to draw an echo from the spiritual world.
I noticed a stranger,—a stranger to most of those present, though known to me,—who, after the coffin had descended, took up a handful of earth and flung it first into the grave. I had given up Hollingsworth's arm, and now found myself near this man.
I noticed a stranger—someone unfamiliar to most people there, but known to me—who, after the coffin was lowered, took a handful of dirt and threw it into the grave first. I had released Hollingsworth's arm and now found myself next to this man.
"It was an idle thing—a foolish thing—for Zenobia to do," said he. "She was the last woman in the world to whom death could have been necessary. It was too absurd! I have no patience with her."
"It was a pointless thing—a silly thing—for Zenobia to do," he said. "She was the last woman in the world for whom death could possibly be necessary. It was just ridiculous! I have no tolerance for her."
"Why so?" I inquired, smothering my horror at his cold comment, in my eager curiosity to discover some tangible truth as to his relation with Zenobia. "If any crisis could justify the sad wrong she offered to herself, it was surely that in which she stood. Everything had failed her; prosperity in the world's sense, for her opulence was gone,—the heart's prosperity, in love. And there was a secret burden on her, the nature of which is best known to you. Young as she was, she had tried life fully, had no more to hope, and something, perhaps, to fear. Had Providence taken her away in its own holy hand, I should have thought it the kindest dispensation that could be awarded to one so wrecked."
"Why’s that?" I asked, pushing down my shock at his cold remark, eager to learn the real truth about his connection to Zenobia. "If any crisis could excuse the tragic wrong she did to herself, it was definitely the one she was facing. Everything had let her down; her wealth was gone, and she had lost the joy of love. Plus, there was a hidden burden she carried, the details of which you know best. Even at her young age, she had experienced life to the fullest, had no more hopes, and maybe some fears. If Providence had taken her away gently, I would have seen it as the kindest fate for someone so broken."
"You mistake the matter completely," rejoined Westervelt.
"You've got the whole thing wrong," Westervelt replied.
"What, then, is your own view of it?" I asked.
"What’s your take on it?" I asked.
"Her mind was active, and various in its powers," said he. "Her heart had a manifold adaptation; her constitution an infinite buoyancy, which (had she possessed only a little patience to await the reflux of her troubles) would have borne her upward triumphantly for twenty years to come. Her beauty would not have waned—or scarcely so, and surely not beyond the reach of art to restore it—in all that time. She had life's summer all before her, and a hundred varieties of brilliant success. What an actress Zenobia might have been! It was one of her least valuable capabilities. How forcibly she might have wrought upon the world, either directly in her own person, or by her influence upon some man, or a series of men, of controlling genius! Every prize that could be worth a woman's having—and many prizes which other women are too timid to desire—lay within Zenobia's reach."
"Her mind was lively and versatile," he said. "Her heart was incredibly adaptable; her spirit had an endless resilience that, if she had only been a bit patient to wait for her troubles to pass, could have lifted her triumphantly for twenty more years. Her beauty wouldn't have faded—or barely at all, and certainly not beyond the ability of art to revive it—during that time. She had all of life's summer ahead of her, with countless opportunities for brilliant success. What an actress Zenobia could have been! That was just one of her least valuable talents. She could have had a powerful impact on the world, either directly through her own influence or by inspiring a remarkable man, or a series of extraordinary men! Every prize worth having for a woman—and many that other women are too hesitant to even wish for—was within Zenobia's grasp."
"In all this," I observed, "there would have been nothing to satisfy her heart."
"In all this," I said, "there wouldn't have been anything to satisfy her heart."
"Her heart!" answered Westervelt contemptuously. "That troublesome organ (as she had hitherto found it) would have been kept in its due place and degree, and have had all the gratification it could fairly claim. She would soon have established a control over it. Love had failed her, you say. Had it never failed her before? Yet she survived it, and loved again,—possibly not once alone, nor twice either. And now to drown herself for yonder dreamy philanthropist!"
"Her heart!" Westervelt replied with disdain. "That annoying organ (as she had always found it) would have stayed in its proper place and had all the satisfaction it could rightfully demand. She would have quickly taken control over it. You say love failed her. Has it never failed her before? Yet she survived it and fell in love again—perhaps not just once, but more than twice. And now she’s going to drown herself for that dreamy philanthropist over there!"
"Who are you," I exclaimed indignantly, "that dare to speak thus of the dead? You seem to intend a eulogy, yet leave out whatever was noblest in her, and blacken while you mean to praise. I have long considered you as Zenobia's evil fate. Your sentiments confirm me in the idea, but leave me still ignorant as to the mode in which you have influenced her life. The connection may have been indissoluble, except by death. Then, indeed,—always in the hope of God's infinite mercy,—I cannot deem it a misfortune that she sleeps in yonder grave!"
"Who are you," I said indignantly, "to speak like this about the dead? You seem to want to give a eulogy, but you ignore everything that was great about her and instead tarnish what you intend to praise. I've long thought of you as Zenobia's bad luck. Your words only reinforce that idea, but I still don’t understand how you've impacted her life. The bond between you may have been unbreakable, except by death. Then, really—always hoping for God's infinite mercy—I can't see it as a misfortune that she rests in that grave!"
"No matter what I was to her," he answered gloomily, yet without actual emotion. "She is now beyond my reach. Had she lived, and hearkened to my counsels, we might have served each other well. But there Zenobia lies in yonder pit, with the dull earth over her. Twenty years of a brilliant lifetime thrown away for a mere woman's whim!"
"No matter what I meant to her," he replied gloomily, yet without any real emotion. "She is now beyond my reach. If she had lived and listened to my advice, we could have helped each other well. But there Zenobia lies in that pit, with the dull earth covering her. Twenty years of a remarkable life wasted for a simple woman's whim!"
Heaven deal with Westervelt according to his nature and deserts!—that is to say, annihilate him. He was altogether earthy, worldly, made for time and its gross objects, and incapable—except by a sort of dim reflection caught from other minds—of so much as one spiritual idea. Whatever stain Zenobia had was caught from him; nor does it seldom happen that a character of admirable qualities loses its better life because the atmosphere that should sustain it is rendered poisonous by such breath as this man mingled with Zenobia's. Yet his reflections possessed their share of truth. It was a woeful thought, that a woman of Zenobia's diversified capacity should have fancied herself irretrievably defeated on the broad battlefield of life, and with no refuge, save to fall on her own sword, merely because Love had gone against her. It is nonsense, and a miserable wrong,—the result, like so many others, of masculine egotism,—that the success or failure of woman's existence should be made to depend wholly on the affections, and on one species of affection, while man has such a multitude of other chances, that this seems but an incident. For its own sake, if it will do no more, the world should throw open all its avenues to the passport of a woman's bleeding heart.
May heaven handle Westervelt according to his true nature and what he deserves!—which means, wipe him out. He was completely earthly, focused on the material world, made for this life and its coarse pursuits, and unable—except through a sort of dim reflection picked up from others—to have a single spiritual thought. Any flaws Zenobia had came from him; it often happens that a person with admirable qualities loses their better spirit because the environment that should nurture them becomes toxic due to the influence of someone like this man around Zenobia. Yet his thoughts had some truth to them. It’s a tragic idea that a woman with Zenobia’s wide-ranging abilities would believe she was utterly defeated in the vast arena of life, with no other escape than to take her own life, just because love turned against her. It’s absurd, and a terrible injustice—like so many other things, a result of male selfishness—that a woman’s success or failure should hinge entirely on her romantic relationships, and on just one kind of love, while men have so many other opportunities that it seems like just an afterthought. For its own sake, if nothing more, the world should open all its doors to heal a woman’s wounded heart.
As we stood around the grave, I looked often towards Priscilla, dreading to see her wholly overcome with grief. And deeply grieved, in truth, she was. But a character so simply constituted as hers has room only for a single predominant affection. No other feeling can touch the heart's inmost core, nor do it any deadly mischief. Thus, while we see that such a being responds to every breeze with tremulous vibration, and imagine that she must be shattered by the first rude blast, we find her retaining her equilibrium amid shocks that might have overthrown many a sturdier frame. So with Priscilla; her one possible misfortune was Hollingsworth's unkindness; and that was destined never to befall her, never yet, at least, for Priscilla has not died.
As we stood around the grave, I kept glancing at Priscilla, afraid to see her completely overcome with sorrow. And she was truly heartbroken. But someone as simply made as her can only hold one strong emotion at a time. No other feeling can reach the deepest part of her heart or do any lasting damage. So, while we think that such a person responds to every little thing with a quiver and might crumble at the first harsh blow, we see her staying steady in the face of shocks that could have toppled even stronger people. The same goes for Priscilla; her only potential tragedy was Hollingsworth's cruelty, and that was never meant to happen to her—not yet, at least, because Priscilla is still alive.
But Hollingsworth! After all the evil that he did, are we to leave him thus, blest with the entire devotion of this one true heart, and with wealth at his disposal to execute the long-contemplated project that had led him so far astray? What retribution is there here? My mind being vexed with precisely this query, I made a journey, some years since, for the sole purpose of catching a last glimpse of Hollingsworth, and judging for myself whether he were a happy man or no. I learned that he inhabited a small cottage, that his way of life was exceedingly retired, and that my only chance of encountering him or Priscilla was to meet them in a secluded lane, where, in the latter part of the afternoon, they were accustomed to walk. I did meet them, accordingly. As they approached me, I observed in Hollingsworth's face a depressed and melancholy look, that seemed habitual; the powerfully built man showed a self-distrustful weakness, and a childlike or childish tendency to press close, and closer still, to the side of the slender woman whose arm was within his. In Priscilla's manner there was a protective and watchful quality, as if she felt herself the guardian of her companion; but, likewise, a deep, submissive, unquestioning reverence, and also a veiled happiness in her fair and quiet countenance.
But Hollingsworth! After everything he did, are we really just going to leave him like this, blessed with the complete devotion of this one true heart and with wealth at his disposal to carry out the long-considered project that led him so far astray? What kind of retribution is there in that? My mind, troubled by this very question, led me to take a trip, a few years ago, just to catch a last glimpse of Hollingsworth and see for myself if he was a happy man or not. I found out that he lived in a small cottage, that his lifestyle was quite secluded, and that my only chance to run into him or Priscilla was in a quiet lane where they usually took walks in the late afternoon. I did run into them, as it turned out. As they approached me, I noticed a depressed and melancholy look on Hollingsworth's face, which seemed to be a permanent fixture; the strongly built man exhibited a self-doubting weakness and a somewhat childlike tendency to move closer and closer to the slender woman whose arm was linked with his. Priscilla’s demeanor had a protective and watchful quality, as if she saw herself as the guardian of her companion. Yet, there was also a deep, submissive, unquestioning reverence, along with a concealed happiness in her fair and calm face.
Drawing nearer, Priscilla recognized me, and gave me a kind and friendly smile, but with a slight gesture, which I could not help interpreting as an entreaty not to make myself known to Hollingsworth. Nevertheless, an impulse took possession of me, and compelled me to address him.
Drawing closer, Priscilla recognized me and gave me a warm, friendly smile, but with a small gesture that I couldn't help but interpret as a plea to keep my identity hidden from Hollingsworth. Still, I felt an urge take over me and compelled me to speak to him.
"I have come, Hollingsworth," said I, "to view your grand edifice for the reformation of criminals. Is it finished yet?"
"I've come, Hollingsworth," I said, "to see your impressive building for reforming criminals. Is it done yet?"
"No, nor begun," answered he, without raising his eyes. "A very small one answers all my purposes."
"No, not yet," he replied, without looking up. "A really small one works perfectly for me."
Priscilla threw me an upbraiding glance. But I spoke again, with a bitter and revengeful emotion, as if flinging a poisoned arrow at Hollingsworth's heart.
Priscilla shot me a disapproving look. But I spoke again, filled with bitterness and a desire for revenge, as if I were hurling a poisoned arrow at Hollingsworth's heart.
"Up to this moment," I inquired, "how many criminals have you reformed?"
"Up to this point," I asked, "how many criminals have you changed for the better?"
"Not one," said Hollingsworth, with his eyes still fixed on the ground. "Ever since we parted, I have been busy with a single murderer."
"Not one," said Hollingsworth, still staring at the ground. "Ever since we separated, I've been focused on one killer."
Then the tears gushed into my eyes, and I forgave him; for I remembered the wild energy, the passionate shriek, with which Zenobia had spoken those words, "Tell him he has murdered me! Tell him that I'll haunt him!"—and I knew what murderer he meant, and whose vindictive shadow dogged the side where Priscilla was not.
Then the tears flowed into my eyes, and I forgave him; for I remembered the wild energy, the passionate shout with which Zenobia had said those words, "Tell him he has murdered me! Tell him that I'll haunt him!"—and I knew who the murderer was, and whose vengeful shadow followed the side where Priscilla was absent.
The moral which presents itself to my reflections, as drawn from Hollingsworth's character and errors, is simply this, that, admitting what is called philanthropy, when adopted as a profession, to be often useful by its energetic impulse to society at large, it is perilous to the individual whose ruling passion, in one exclusive channel, it thus becomes. It ruins, or is fearfully apt to ruin, the heart, the rich juices of which God never meant should be pressed violently out and distilled into alcoholic liquor by an unnatural process, but should render life sweet, bland, and gently beneficent, and insensibly influence other hearts and other lives to the same blessed end. I see in Hollingsworth an exemplification of the most awful truth in Bunyan's book of such, from the very gate of heaven there is a by-way to the pit!
The lesson that I draw from Hollingsworth’s character and mistakes is this: while what’s often called philanthropy can be beneficial to society when taken up as a profession, it can be dangerous for the individual whose main passion becomes confined to that one pursuit. It can damage, or is very likely to damage, the heart, which should naturally enrich life rather than be forcefully extracted and turned into something harsh, like alcohol, through an unnatural process. Instead, it should make life sweet, gentle, and kind, subtly encouraging other hearts and lives toward the same positive outcome. I see in Hollingsworth a clear example of a terrifying truth from Bunyan’s writings: that even from the very gates of heaven, there’s a side road that leads straight to the abyss!
But, all this while, we have been standing by Zenobia's grave. I have never since beheld it, but make no question that the grass grew all the better, on that little parallelogram of pasture land, for the decay of the beautiful woman who slept beneath. How Nature seems to love us! And how readily, nevertheless, without a sigh or a complaint, she converts us to a meaner purpose, when her highest one—that of a conscious intellectual life and sensibility has been untimely balked! While Zenobia lived, Nature was proud of her, and directed all eyes upon that radiant presence, as her fairest handiwork. Zenobia perished. Will not Nature shed a tear? Ah, no!—she adopts the calamity at once into her system, and is just as well pleased, for aught we can see, with the tuft of ranker vegetation that grew out of Zenobia's heart, as with all the beauty which has bequeathed us no earthly representative except in this crop of weeds. It is because the spirit is inestimable that the lifeless body is so little valued.
But all this time, we’ve been standing by Zenobia's grave. I haven’t seen it since, but I have no doubt that the grass grew even greener on that little patch of pasture because of the decay of the beautiful woman resting beneath. How Nature seems to care for us! And how easily, without a sigh or complaint, she turns us into something less significant when her highest purpose—our conscious intellectual life and awareness—has been abruptly halted! While Zenobia was alive, Nature was proud of her, pointing all eyes toward that radiant presence as her finest creation. Zenobia has gone. Will Nature shed a tear? Ah, no! She immediately incorporates the tragedy into her system and seems just as pleased, for all we can see, with the patch of taller weeds that springs from Zenobia’s heart as with all the beauty that has left us with no earthly representative except this crop of weeds. It's because the spirit is priceless that the lifeless body is so little valued.
XXIX. MILES COVERDALE'S CONFESSION
It remains only to say a few words about myself. Not improbably, the reader might be willing to spare me the trouble; for I have made but a poor and dim figure in my own narrative, establishing no separate interest, and suffering my colorless life to take its hue from other lives. But one still retains some little consideration for one's self; so I keep these last two or three pages for my individual and sole behoof.
It’s only right that I say a few words about myself. The reader might wish to skip this part, since I've played a minor and vague role in my own story, lacking a distinct presence and letting my bland life be shaped by the lives of others. However, I still want to honor my own existence a bit; so I’m dedicating these last two or three pages to myself.
But what, after all, have I to tell? Nothing, nothing, nothing! I left Blithedale within the week after Zenobia's death, and went back thither no more. The whole soil of our farm, for a long time afterwards, seemed but the sodded earth over her grave. I could not toil there, nor live upon its products. Often, however, in these years that are darkening around me, I remember our beautiful scheme of a noble and unselfish life; and how fair, in that first summer, appeared the prospect that it might endure for generations, and be perfected, as the ages rolled away, into the system of a people and a world! Were my former associates now there,—were there only three or four of those true-hearted men still laboring in the sun,—I sometimes fancy that I should direct my world-weary footsteps thitherward, and entreat them to receive me, for old friendship's sake. More and more I feel that we had struck upon what ought to be a truth. Posterity may dig it up, and profit by it. The experiment, so far as its original projectors were concerned, proved, long ago, a failure; first lapsing into Fourierism, and dying, as it well deserved, for this infidelity to its own higher spirit. Where once we toiled with our whole hopeful hearts, the town paupers, aged, nerveless, and disconsolate, creep sluggishly afield. Alas, what faith is requisite to bear up against such results of generous effort!
But what do I really have to say? Nothing, nothing, nothing! I left Blithedale within a week after Zenobia's death, and I never went back. For a long time, the entire land of our farm felt like just the grass covering her grave. I couldn’t work there or live off its produce. Yet, in these dark years, I often remember our beautiful vision of a noble and selfless life; and how, in that first summer, it seemed so promising that it might last for generations and evolve into something grand for a people and a world! If my old friends were still there—just three or four of those true-hearted men still working in the sun—I sometimes imagine that I would head back their way, asking them to take me in for old times' sake. More and more, I feel that we had discovered something that should be a truth. Future generations might uncover it and benefit from it. The experiment, for those who originally started it, ended in failure long ago; it first degenerated into Fourierism and then faded away, as it rightly should have, for betraying its own noble spirit. Where we once toiled with hope, now the town's poor, old and listless, stumble slowly through the fields. Alas, what faith it takes to withstand such outcomes from our generous efforts!
My subsequent life has passed,—I was going to say happily, but, at all events, tolerably enough. I am now at middle age, well, well, a step or two beyond the midmost point, and I care not a fig who knows it!—a bachelor, with no very decided purpose of ever being otherwise. I have been twice to Europe, and spent a year or two rather agreeably at each visit. Being well to do in the world, and having nobody but myself to care for, I live very much at my ease, and fare sumptuously every day. As for poetry, I have given it up, notwithstanding that Dr. Griswold—as the reader, of course, knows—has placed me at a fair elevation among our minor minstrelsy, on the strength of my pretty little volume, published ten years ago. As regards human progress (in spite of my irrepressible yearnings over the Blithedale reminiscences), let them believe in it who can, and aid in it who choose. If I could earnestly do either, it might be all the better for my comfort. As Hollingsworth once told me, I lack a purpose. How strange! He was ruined, morally, by an overplus of the very same ingredient, the want of which, I occasionally suspect, has rendered my own life all an emptiness. I by no means wish to die. Yet, were there any cause, in this whole chaos of human struggle, worth a sane man's dying for, and which my death would benefit, then—provided, however, the effort did not involve an unreasonable amount of trouble—methinks I might be bold to offer up my life. If Kossuth, for example, would pitch the battlefield of Hungarian rights within an easy ride of my abode, and choose a mild, sunny morning, after breakfast, for the conflict, Miles Coverdale would gladly be his man, for one brave rush upon the levelled bayonets. Further than that, I should be loath to pledge myself.
My life since then has gone by—I was going to say happily, but, in any case, fairly enough. Now I'm middle-aged, well, beyond the halfway point, and I don't care who knows it! I'm a bachelor with no real intention of being anything else. I've been to Europe twice and spent a year or two quite enjoyably on each trip. Being comfortable financially and having nobody to take care of but myself, I live quite easily and enjoy good food every day. As for poetry, I've given it up, even though Dr. Griswold—as you must know—has recommended me fairly among our lesser poets based on my nice little book published ten years ago. When it comes to human progress (despite my constant longing while reminiscing about Blithedale), let those who can believe in it and choose to contribute do so. If I could genuinely do either, it might make my life more comfortable. As Hollingsworth once told me, I lack a purpose. How strange! He was morally ruined by having too much of the same thing that I sometimes think has made my own life feel empty. I definitely don’t want to die. Yet, if there were any cause in this chaotic struggle of humanity worth a sane person dying for, and my death could help it, then—assuming the effort didn't require too much trouble—I think I might be brave enough to offer up my life. If Kossuth, for instance, would make the battlefield for Hungarian rights accessible within a short ride from my home and choose a nice, sunny morning after breakfast for the fight, I would gladly stand by his side for one bold charge against the enemy's guns. Beyond that, I’d hesitate to commit.
I exaggerate my own defects. The reader must not take my own word for it, nor believe me altogether changed from the young man who once hoped strenuously, and struggled not so much amiss. Frostier heads than mine have gained honor in the world; frostier hearts have imbibed new warmth, and been newly happy. Life, however, it must be owned, has come to rather an idle pass with me. Would my friends like to know what brought it thither? There is one secret,—I have concealed it all along, and never meant to let the least whisper of it escape,—one foolish little secret, which possibly may have had something to do with these inactive years of meridian manhood, with my bachelorship, with the unsatisfied retrospect that I fling back on life, and my listless glance towards the future. Shall I reveal it? It is an absurd thing for a man in his afternoon,—a man of the world, moreover, with these three white hairs in his brown mustache and that deepening track of a crow's-foot on each temple,—an absurd thing ever to have happened, and quite the absurdest for an old bachelor, like me, to talk about. But it rises to my throat; so let it come.
I tend to exaggerate my own flaws. The reader shouldn't just take my word for it or assume I’m completely different from the young man who once hoped intensely and struggled reasonably well. Colder minds than mine have found success in life; colder hearts have found new warmth and happiness. However, it must be acknowledged that life has become pretty idle for me. Would my friends like to know what brought me to this point? There’s one secret—I’ve kept it hidden all this time and never intended to let even a hint of it slip out—one silly little secret that might explain these stagnant years of middle-aged manhood, my single status, the unfulfilled reflections I cast back on my life, and my aimless gaze toward the future. Should I share it? It’s really absurd for a man in his later years—a worldly man with these three gray hairs in his brown mustache and the noticeable crow's-feet at my temples—to even have such a story, and it's especially ridiculous for an old bachelor like me to talk about it. But it’s right there at my throat, so I’ll let it out.
I perceive, moreover, that the confession, brief as it shall be, will throw a gleam of light over my behavior throughout the foregoing incidents, and is, indeed, essential to the full understanding of my story. The reader, therefore, since I have disclosed so much, is entitled to this one word more. As I write it, he will charitably suppose me to blush, and turn away my face:
I realize that my confession, no matter how short, will shed some light on my actions during the previous events and is crucial for fully understanding my story. Therefore, since I've shared so much already, the reader deserves one more word from me. As I write it, I hope you’ll kindly imagine that I’m blushing and turning my face away:
I—I myself—was in love—with—Priscilla!
I was in love with Priscilla!
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