This is a modern-English version of The Upper Berth; By the Waters of Paradise, originally written by Crawford, F. Marion (Francis Marion). It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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THE UPPER BERTH

BY

F. MARION CRAWFORD


G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS
NEW YORK
27 West Twenty-third St.
LONDON
24 Bedford St., Strand
The Knickerbocker Press

1894


Copyright, 1894
by
G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS


PUBLISHERS' NOTE.

The two stories by Mr. Crawford, presented in this volume, have been in print before, having been originally written for two Christmas annuals which were issued some years back. With the belief that the stories are, however, still unknown to the larger portion of Mr. Crawford's public, and in the opinion that they are well worthy of preservation in more permanent form, the publishers have decided to reprint them as the initial volume of the "Autonym" library.

The two stories by Mr. Crawford in this book have been published before, originally written for two Christmas annuals released several years ago. Believing that most of Mr. Crawford's audience may still be unaware of these stories, and thinking they deserve to be kept in a more lasting format, the publishers have chosen to reprint them as the first volume of the "Autonym" library.


THE AUTONYM LIBRARY.

Small works by representative writers, whose contributions will bear their signatures.

Small works by notable writers, whose contributions will have their signatures.

32mo, limp cloth, each 50 cents.

32mo, paperback, each 50 cents.

The Autonym Library is published in co-operation with Mr. T. Fisher Unwin, of London.

The Autonym Library is published in collaboration with Mr. T. Fisher Unwin of London.

I. The Upper Berth, by F. Marion Crawford.

I. The Top Bunk, by F. Marion Crawford.

II. By Reef and Palm, by Louis Becke. With Introduction by the Earl of Pembroke.

II. By the Beach and Palm, by Louis Becke. With Introduction by the Earl of Pembroke.

This will be followed by volumes by S. R. Crockett, and others.

This will be followed by books from S. R. Crockett and others.


THE UPPER BERTH


The Upper Berth.

Somebody asked for the cigars. We had talked long, and the conversation was beginning to languish; the tobacco smoke had got into the heavy curtains, the wine had got into those brains which were liable to become heavy, and it was already perfectly evident that, unless somebody did something to rouse our oppressed spirits, the meeting would soon come to its natural conclusion, and we, the guests, would speedily go home to bed, and most certainly to sleep. No one had said anything very[Pg 4] remarkable; it may be that no one had anything very remarkable to say. Jones had given us every particular of his last hunting adventure in Yorkshire. Mr. Tompkins, of Boston, had explained at elaborate length those working principles, by the due and careful maintenance of which the Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fé Railroad not only extended its territory, increased its departmental influence, and transported live stock without starving them to death before the day of actual delivery, but, also, had for years succeeded in deceiving those passengers who bought its tickets into the fallacious belief that the corporation aforesaid was really able to transport human life without destroying it. Signor Tombola had endeavoured to persuade us,[Pg 5] by arguments which we took no trouble to oppose, that the unity of his country in no way resembled the average modern torpedo, carefully planned, constructed with all the skill of the greatest European arsenals, but, when constructed, destined to be directed by feeble hands into a region where it must undoubtedly explode, unseen, unfeared, and unheard, into the illimitable wastes of political chaos.

Somebody asked for the cigars. We had been talking for a long time, and the conversation was starting to fizzle out; the tobacco smoke had seeped into the heavy curtains, the wine had settled into our minds that were prone to becoming sluggish, and it was already clear that unless someone did something to lift our heavy spirits, the gathering would soon wrap up, and we, the guests, would quickly head home to bed, and most definitely to sleep. No one had said anything particularly[Pg 4] noteworthy; it seemed like no one had anything especially interesting to contribute. Jones had shared every detail of his latest hunting trip in Yorkshire. Mr. Tompkins from Boston had gone into great detail explaining the principles behind the careful maintenance that allowed the Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fé Railroad to not only expand its territory, increase its influence, and transport livestock without letting them starve before delivery, but also, for years, to fool ticket-buying passengers into the false belief that the company was actually capable of transporting human beings without putting them at risk. Signor Tombola had tried to convince us,[Pg 5] with arguments we didn’t bother to counter, that his country’s unity was nothing like the average modern torpedo, which is meticulously designed and built with the finest skills of Europe’s great arsenals, but once made, is destined to be sent by weak hands to a place where it will undoubtedly detonate, unnoticed, unfeared, and unheard, into the endless void of political chaos.

It is unnecessary to go into further details. The conversation had assumed proportions which would have bored Prometheus on his rock, which would have driven Tantalus to distraction, and which would have impelled Ixion to seek relaxation in the simple but instructive dialogues of Herr Ollendorff, rather than submit to the greater evil of listening to our talk.[Pg 6] We had sat at table for hours; we were bored, we were tired, and nobody showed signs of moving.

It's pointless to go into more details. The conversation had escalated to a point that would have bored Prometheus on his rock, driven Tantalus crazy, and made Ixion prefer the straightforward yet educational discussions of Herr Ollendorff over the greater misery of listening to us talk.[Pg 6] We had been sitting at the table for hours; we were bored, we were tired, and no one seemed ready to leave.

Somebody called for cigars. We all instinctively looked towards the speaker. Brisbane was a man of five-and-thirty years of age, and remarkable for those gifts which chiefly attract the attention of men. He was a strong man. The external proportions of his figure presented nothing extraordinary to the common eye, though his size was above the average. He was a little over six feet in height, and moderately broad in the shoulder; he did not appear to be stout, but, on the other hand, he was certainly not thin; his small head was supported by a strong and sinewy neck; his broad muscular hands appeared to possess a peculiar[Pg 7] skill in breaking walnuts without the assistance of the ordinary cracker, and, seeing him in profile, one could not help remarking the extraordinary breadth of his sleeves, and the unusual thickness of his chest. He was one of those men who are commonly spoken of among men as deceptive; that is to say, that though he looked exceedingly strong he was in reality very much stronger than he looked. Of his features I need say little. His head is small, his hair is thin, his eyes are blue, his nose is large, he has a small moustache, and a square jaw. Everybody knows Brisbane, and when he asked for a cigar everybody looked at him.

Somebody asked for cigars. We all instinctively turned to look at the speaker. Brisbane was a 35-year-old man, and he stood out for the qualities that generally grab men’s attention. He was a strong guy. To an untrained eye, his build might not seem exceptional, but he was taller than average. He was just over six feet tall and had broad shoulders; he didn't look overweight, but he wasn't skinny either. His small head rested atop a strong, muscular neck; his wide, powerful hands seemed to have a unique ability to crack walnuts without needing a nutcracker, and when seen from the side, one couldn't help but notice his unusually wide sleeves and the impressive thickness of his chest. He was one of those guys who are often described as deceptive; in other words, although he looked very strong, he was actually much stronger than he appeared. I don’t need to say much about his face. He has a small head, thin hair, blue eyes, a large nose, a small mustache, and a square jaw. Everyone knows Brisbane, and when he asked for a cigar, everybody turned to look at him.

"It is a very singular thing," said Brisbane.

"It’s a really unique thing," said Brisbane.

Everybody stopped talking.[Pg 8] Brisbane's voice was not loud, but possessed a peculiar quality of penetrating general conversation, and cutting it like a knife. Everybody listened. Brisbane, perceiving that he had attracted their general attention, lit his cigar with great equanimity.

Everybody stopped talking.[Pg 8] Brisbane's voice wasn't loud, but it had a unique ability to cut through the general chatter, like a knife. Everyone listened. Realizing he had their full attention, Brisbane calmly lit his cigar.

"It is very singular," he continued, "that thing about ghosts. People are always asking whether anybody has seen a ghost. I have."

"It’s pretty unusual," he continued, "that whole ghost thing. People are always asking if anyone has ever seen a ghost. I have."

"Bosh! What, you? You don't mean to say so, Brisbane? Well, for a man of his intelligence!"

"Bosh! You can't be serious, Brisbane? For someone as smart as he is!"

A chorus of exclamations greeted Brisbane's remarkable statement. Everybody called for cigars, and Stubbs the butler suddenly appeared from the depths of nowhere with a fresh bottle of dry champagne. The situation[Pg 9] was saved; Brisbane was going to tell a story.

A chorus of cheers greeted Brisbane's amazing announcement. Everyone asked for cigars, and Stubbs the butler suddenly showed up from nowhere with a fresh bottle of dry champagne. The situation[Pg 9] was saved; Brisbane was about to tell a story.

I am an old sailor, said Brisbane, and as I have to cross the Atlantic pretty often, I have my favourites. Most men have their favourites. I have seen a man wait in a Broadway bar for three-quarters of an hour for a particular car which he liked. I believe the bar-keeper made at least one-third of his living by that man's preference. I have a habit of waiting for certain ships when I am obliged to cross that duck-pond. It may be a prejudice, but I was never cheated out of a good passage but once in my life. I remember it very well; it was a warm morning in June, and the Custom House officials, who were hanging about waiting for a steamer already on her way up from the Quarantine, presented a[Pg 10] peculiarly hazy and thoughtful appearance. I had not much luggage—I never have. I mingled with the crowd of passengers, porters, and officious individuals in blue coats and brass buttons, who seemed to spring up like mushrooms from the deck of a moored steamer to obtrude their unnecessary services upon the independent passenger. I have often noticed with a certain interest the spontaneous evolution of these fellows. They are not there when you arrive; five minutes after the pilot has called "Go ahead!" they, or at least their blue coats and brass buttons, have disappeared from deck and gangway as completely as though they had been consigned to that locker which tradition unanimously ascribes to Davy Jones. But, at the[Pg 11] moment of starting, they are there, clean-shaved, blue-coated, and ravenous for fees. I hastened on board. The Kamtschatka was one of my favourite ships. I say was, because she emphatically no longer is. I cannot conceive of any inducement which could entice me to make another voyage in her. Yes, I know what you are going to say. She is uncommonly clean in the run aft, she has enough bluffing off in the bows to keep her dry, and the lower berths are most of them double. She has a lot of advantages, but I won't cross in her again. Excuse the digression. I got on board. I hailed a steward, whose red nose and redder whiskers were equally familiar to me.

I’m an old sailor, said Brisbane, and since I have to cross the Atlantic pretty often, I have my favorites. Most people have their favorites. I’ve seen a guy wait at a Broadway bar for three-quarters of an hour for a specific car he liked. I believe the bartender made at least one-third of his living from that guy's preference. I tend to wait for certain ships when I have to cross that pond. It might be a bias, but I’ve only been cheated out of a good passage once in my life. I remember it clearly; it was a warm June morning, and the Customs officials, who were hanging around waiting for a steamer already on its way up from Quarantine, looked particularly hazy and lost in thought. I didn’t have much luggage—I never do. I blended in with the crowd of passengers, porters, and those pushy guys in blue coats and brass buttons, who seemed to appear out of nowhere from the deck of a moored steamer to offer their unwelcome help to independent travelers. I’ve often found the sudden appearance of these guys interesting. They’re not there when you arrive; five minutes after the pilot has called “Go ahead!” they—or at least their blue coats and brass buttons—vanish from the deck and gangway as if they were sent to that locker that tradition says belongs to Davy Jones. But at the moment of departure, they’re there, clean-shaven, in blue coats, eager for tips. I hurried on board. The Kamtschatka was one of my favorite ships. I say was, because she definitely isn’t anymore. I can’t imagine any reason that would make me want to take another trip on her. Yes, I know what you're going to say. She’s unusually clean in the back, she has enough shape at the front to keep her dry, and most of the lower berths are doubles. She has a lot of advantages, but I won’t cross on her again. Sorry for the sidetrack. I got on board. I called out to a steward, whose red nose and even redder whiskers were familiar to me.

"One hundred and five, lower berth," said I, in the businesslike[Pg 12] tone peculiar to men who think no more of crossing the Atlantic than taking a whisky cocktail at downtown Delmonico's.

"One hundred and five, lower berth," I said, in the businesslike[Pg 12] tone typical of men who consider crossing the Atlantic as casually as grabbing a whiskey cocktail at a downtown Delmonico's.

The steward took my portmanteau, great coat, and rug. I shall never forget the expression of his face. Not that he turned pale. It is maintained by the most eminent divines that even miracles cannot change the course of nature. I have no hesitation in saying that he did not turn pale; but, from his expression, I judged that he was either about to shed tears, to sneeze, or to drop my portmanteau. As the latter contained two bottles of particularly fine old sherry presented to me for my voyage by my old friend Snigginson van Pickyns, I felt extremely nervous. But the steward did none of these things.[Pg 13]

The steward grabbed my suitcase, overcoat, and blanket. I’ll never forget the look on his face. Not that he went pale. The most respected theologians say that even miracles can’t change the natural order of things. I can confidently say he didn’t go pale; however, from his expression, I could tell he was either about to cry, sneeze, or drop my suitcase. Since it had two bottles of really good old sherry that my old friend Snigginson van Pickyns gave me for my trip, I felt really anxious. But the steward didn’t do any of those things.[Pg 13]

"Well, I'm d——d!" said he in a low voice, and led the way.

"Well, I'm damned!" he said quietly and took the lead.

I supposed my Hermes, as he led me to the lower regions, had had a little grog, but I said nothing, and followed him. One hundred and five was on the port side, well aft. There was nothing remarkable about the state-room. The lower berth, like most of those upon the Kamtschatka, was double. There was plenty of room; there was the usual washing apparatus, calculated to convey an idea of luxury to the mind of a North-American Indian; there were the usual inefficient racks of brown wood, in which it is more easy to hang a large-sized umbrella than the common tooth-brush of commerce. Upon the uninviting mattresses[Pg 14] were carefully folded together those blankets which a great modern humorist has aptly compared to cold buckwheat cakes. The question of towels was left entirely to the imagination. The glass decanters were filled with a transparent liquid faintly tinged with brown, but from which an odor less faint, but not more pleasing, ascended to the nostrils, like a far-off sea-sick reminiscence of oily machinery. Sad-coloured curtains half-closed the upper berth. The hazy June daylight shed a faint illumination upon the desolate little scene. Ugh! how I hate that state-room!

I figured my Hermes, as he guided me to the lower levels, had a bit too much to drink, but I kept quiet and followed him. Room 105 was on the left side, towards the back. The state-room was nothing special. The lower bunk, like most on the Kamtschatka, was a double. There was plenty of space; the usual washing setup aimed to give a sense of luxury to a North American Indian; there were the usual ineffective brown wooden racks, where it’s easier to hang a big umbrella than a regular toothbrush. On the uninviting mattresses[Pg 14] were neatly folded those blankets that a famous modern comedian fittingly likened to cold buckwheat cakes. The issue of towels was entirely up to the imagination. The glass decanters were filled with a clear liquid faintly tinted brown, giving off a smell that wasn’t subtle, but also wasn’t pleasant, like a distant memory of seasickness mixed with oily machinery. Dull-colored curtains partially closed off the upper bunk. The hazy June daylight cast a dim glow over the bleak little scene. Ugh! how I hate that state-room!

The steward deposited my traps and looked at me, as though he wanted to get away—probably in search of more passengers and more fees. It is always a good[Pg 15] plan to start in favour with those functionaries, and I accordingly gave him certain coins there and then.

The steward dropped off my traps and glanced at me, like he wanted to leave—probably to find more passengers and collect more fees. It's always a smart[Pg 15] move to stay on good terms with those staff members, so I handed him some coins right then and there.

"I'll try and make yer comfortable all I can," he remarked, as he put the coins in his pocket. Nevertheless, there was a doubtful intonation in his voice which surprised me. Possibly his scale of fees had gone up, and he was not satisfied; but on the whole I was inclined to think that, as he himself would have expressed it, he was "the better for a glass." I was wrong, however, and did the man injustice.

"I'll do my best to make you comfortable," he said, putting the coins in his pocket. However, there was a hint of uncertainty in his voice that caught me off guard. Maybe his rates had increased, and he wasn't happy about it; but overall, I thought that, as he would have put it, he was "in need of a drink." I was mistaken, though, and I misjudged the man.


II.

Nothing especially worthy of mention occurred during that day. We left the pier punctually, and it was very pleasant to be fairly under way, for the weather was warm and sultry, and the motion of the steamer produced a refreshing breeze. Everybody knows what the first day at sea is like. People pace the decks and stare at each other, and occasionally meet acquaintances whom they did not know to be on board. There is the usual uncertainty as to whether the food will be good, bad, or indifferent, until the first two meals have put the matter beyond[Pg 17] a doubt; there is the usual uncertainty about the weather, until the ship is fairly off Fire Island. The tables are crowded at first, and then suddenly thinned. Pale-faced people spring from their seats and precipitate themselves towards the door, and each old sailor breathes more freely as his sea-sick neighbour rushes from his side, leaving him plenty of elbow room and an unlimited command over the mustard.

Nothing particularly notable happened that day. We left the dock on time, and it felt great to be on our way since the weather was warm and humid, and the movement of the steamer created a nice breeze. Everyone knows what the first day at sea is like. People walk around the decks, eyeing each other, and sometimes run into acquaintances they didn’t know were on board. There’s the typical uncertainty about whether the food will be good, bad, or mediocre, until the first two meals clarify that for sure; there’s also the usual worry about the weather until the ship is well past Fire Island. The dining tables are packed at first, then suddenly empty out. Pale-faced people jump up from their seats and rush toward the exit, and every old sailor breathes easier as his seasick neighbor hurries away, leaving him plenty of space and complete access to the mustard.

One passage across the Atlantic is very much like another, and we who cross very often do not make the voyage for the sake of novelty. Whales and icebergs are indeed always objects of interest, but, after all, one whale is very much like another whale, and one rarely sees an iceberg at close quarters. To the majority of us the most[Pg 18] delightful moment of the day on board an ocean steamer is when we have taken our last turn on deck, have smoked our last cigar, and having succeeded in tiring ourselves, feel at liberty to turn in with a clear conscience. On that first night of the voyage I felt particularly lazy, and went to bed in one hundred and five rather earlier than I usually do. As I turned in, I was amazed to see that I was to have a companion. A portmanteau, very like my own, lay in the opposite corner, and in the upper berth had been deposited a neatly folded rug with a stick and umbrella. I had hoped to be alone, and I was disappointed; but I wondered who my room-mate was to be, and I determined to have a look at him.

One trip across the Atlantic is pretty much the same as any other, and those of us who travel frequently usually don’t do it for the sake of experiencing something new. Whales and icebergs are definitely interesting, but at the end of the day, one whale looks a lot like another, and you rarely get to see an iceberg up close. For most of us, the best part of the day on an ocean liner is when we’ve taken our last stroll on deck, smoked our last cigar, and finally exhausted ourselves enough to go to bed with a clear conscience. On that first night of the journey, I felt especially lazy and went to bed in one hundred and five a bit earlier than usual. When I settled in, I was surprised to find out I would have a roommate. A suitcase, very similar to my own, was in the opposite corner, and in the upper bunk, there was a neatly folded rug along with a walking stick and umbrella. I had hoped to be alone, and I was a bit disappointed; but I was curious about who my roommate would be, and I decided to take a look at him.

Before I had been long in bed[Pg 19] he entered. He was, as far as I could see, a very tall man, very thin, very pale, with sandy hair and whiskers and colourless grey eyes. He had about him, I thought, an air of rather dubious fashion; the sort of man you might see in Wall Street, without being able precisely to say what he was doing there—the sort of man who frequents the Café Anglais, who always seems to be alone and who drinks champagne; you might meet him on a race-course, but he would never appear to be doing anything there either. A little over-dressed—a little odd. There are three or four of his kind on every ocean steamer. I made up my mind that I did not care to make his acquaintance, and I went to sleep saying to myself that I would study his habits in order to[Pg 20] avoid him. If he rose early, I would rise late; if he went to bed late, I would go to bed early. I did not care to know him. If you once know people of that kind they are always turning up. Poor fellow! I need not have taken the trouble to come to so many decisions about him, for I never saw him again after that first night in one hundred and five.

Before I had been in bed for long[Pg 19], he came in. He was, from what I could see, a very tall man, very thin, very pale, with sandy hair and scruffy whiskers and colorless gray eyes. He seemed to have a rather questionable sense of style; the kind of guy you might spot on Wall Street without knowing exactly what he was doing there—someone who hangs out at the Café Anglais, always appears to be alone, and drinks champagne; you might run into him at the racetrack, but he never seemed to have a purpose there either. A bit over-dressed—a bit peculiar. There are three or four guys like him on every ocean liner. I decided I didn't want to get to know him, and as I drifted off to sleep, I told myself I would observe his habits to[Pg 20] avoid him. If he woke up early, I would sleep in; if he stayed up late, I would go to bed early. I had no interest in knowing him. Once you're acquainted with people like that, they keep popping up. Poor guy! I didn't need to make so many decisions about him since I never saw him again after that first night in room one hundred and five.

I was sleeping soundly when I was suddenly waked by a loud noise. To judge from the sound, my room-mate must have sprung with a single leap from the upper berth to the floor. I heard him fumbling with the latch and bolt of the door, which opened almost immediately, and then I heard his footsteps as he ran at full speed down the passage, leaving the door open behind him. The ship was[Pg 21] rolling a little, and I expected to hear him stumble or fall, but he ran as though he were running for his life. The door swung on its hinges with the motion of the vessel, and the sound annoyed me. I got up and shut it, and groped my way back to my berth in the darkness. I went to sleep again; but I have no idea how long I slept.

I was sleeping peacefully when I was suddenly jolted awake by a loud noise. From the sound, it seemed my roommate had jumped straight from the upper bunk to the floor. I heard him struggling with the door latch and bolt, which opened almost right away, and then I heard his footsteps as he sprinted down the hallway, leaving the door wide open. The ship was[Pg 21] swaying a bit, and I expected to hear him trip or fall, but he ran as if he were escaping for his life. The door swung on its hinges with the movement of the boat, and the noise irritated me. I got up and shut it, then made my way back to my bunk in the dark. I fell asleep again, but I have no idea how long I slept.

When I awoke it was still quite dark, but I felt a disagreeable sensation of cold, and it seemed to me that the air was damp. You know the peculiar smell of a cabin which has been wet with sea water. I covered myself up as well as I could and dozed off again, framing complaints to be made the next day, and selecting the most powerful epithets in the language. I could hear my room-mate turn over in the upper berth. He had[Pg 22] probably returned while I was asleep. Once I thought I heard him groan, and I argued that he was sea-sick. That is particularly unpleasant when one is below. Nevertheless I dozed off and slept till early daylight.

When I woke up, it was still pretty dark, but I felt a chilly discomfort, and it seemed like the air was damp. You know that unique smell of a cabin that's been soaked with seawater. I covered myself as best as I could and dozed off again, mentally preparing complaints to share the next day and picking out the strongest words I could think of. I could hear my roommate shifting in the upper bunk. He had[Pg 22] probably come back while I was sleeping. At one point, I thought I heard him groan, which made me think he was feeling seasick. That’s especially unpleasant when you’re below deck. Still, I dozed off and slept until the early morning light.

The ship was rolling heavily, much more than on the previous evening, and the grey light which came in through the porthole changed in tint with every movement according as the angle of the vessel's side turned the glass seawards or skywards. It was very cold—unaccountably so for the month of June. I turned my head and looked at the porthole, and saw to my surprise that it was wide open and hooked back. I believe I swore audibly. Then I got up and shut it. As I turned back I glanced at the upper berth. The[Pg 23] curtains were drawn close together; my companion had probably felt cold as well as I. It struck me that I had slept enough. The state-room was uncomfortable, though, strange to say, I could not smell the dampness which had annoyed me in the night. My room-mate was still asleep—excellent opportunity for avoiding him, so I dressed at once and went on deck. The day was warm and cloudy, with an oily smell on the water. It was seven o'clock as I came out—much later than I had imagined. I came across the doctor, who was taking his first sniff of the morning air. He was a young man from the West of Ireland—a tremendous fellow, with black hair and blue eyes, already inclined to be stout; he had a happy-go-lucky, healthy look[Pg 24] about him which was rather attractive.

The ship was rocking heavily, even more than the night before, and the gray light coming through the porthole changed in shade with each movement as the angle of the boat turned the glass towards the sea or the sky. It was really cold—surprisingly so for June. I turned my head and looked at the porthole, surprised to see that it was wide open and propped back. I think I swore out loud. Then I got up and shut it. As I turned back, I glanced at the upper bunk. The[Pg 23] curtains were tightly drawn; my roommate probably felt as cold as I did. I realized I had slept enough. The cabin was uncomfortable, but strangely, I couldn’t smell the dampness that had bothered me during the night. My roommate was still asleep—perfect chance to avoid him, so I got dressed quickly and went on deck. It was warm and cloudy, with an oily smell coming from the water. It was seven o'clock when I stepped outside—much later than I thought. I ran into the doctor, who was taking his first breath of the morning air. He was a young man from the West of Ireland—a big guy, with black hair and blue eyes, already a bit chubby; he had a carefree, healthy vibe[Pg 24] about him that was pretty appealing.

"Fine morning," I remarked, by way of introduction.

"Nice morning," I said to start the conversation.

"Well," said he, eying me with an air of ready interest, "it's a fine morning and it's not a fine morning. I don't think it's much of a morning."

"Well," he said, looking at me with genuine interest, "it's a nice morning and it's not a nice morning. I don't think it's much of a morning."

"Well, no—it is not so very fine," said I.

"Well, no—it’s not that great," I said.

"It's just what I call fuggly weather," replied the doctor.

"It's just what I call ugly weather," replied the doctor.

"It was very cold last night, I thought," I remarked. "However, when I looked about, I found that the porthole was wide open. I had not noticed it when I went to bed. And the state-room was damp, too."

"It was really cold last night," I said. "But when I looked around, I saw that the porthole was wide open. I hadn't noticed it when I went to bed. And the state room was damp, too."

"Damp!" said he. "Whereabouts are you?"

"Damp!" he said. "Where are you?"

"One hundred and five——"[Pg 25]

"105——"[Pg 25]

To my surprise the doctor started visibly, and stared at me.

To my surprise, the doctor jumped and stared at me.

"What is the matter?" I asked.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Oh—nothing," he answered; "only everybody has complained of that state-room for the last three trips."

"Oh—nothing," he replied; "just that everyone has been complaining about that cabin for the last three trips."

"I shall complain too," I said. "It has certainly not been properly aired. It is a shame!"

"I'll complain too," I said. "It definitely hasn’t been aired out properly. It’s such a shame!"

"I don't believe it can be helped," answered the doctor. "I believe there is something—well, it is not my business to frighten passengers."

"I don't think there's anything we can do," the doctor replied. "I think there’s something—well, it’s not my job to scare the passengers."

"You need not be afraid of frightening me," I replied. "I can stand any amount of damp. If I should get a bad cold I will come to you."

"You don’t have to worry about scaring me," I said. "I can handle any amount of dampness. If I end up with a bad cold, I’ll come to you."

I offered the doctor a cigar, which he took and examined very critically.[Pg 26]

I offered the doctor a cigar, which he took and examined very critically.[Pg 26]

"It is not so much the damp," he remarked. "However, I dare say you will get on very well. Have you a room-mate?"

"It’s not just the dampness," he said. "But I’m sure you’ll manage just fine. Do you have a roommate?"

"Yes; a deuce of a fellow, who bolts out in the middle of the night and leaves the door open."

"Yeah; what a guy, who runs out in the middle of the night and leaves the door wide open."

Again the doctor glanced curiously at me. Then he lit the cigar and looked grave.

Again, the doctor looked at me with curiosity. Then he lit the cigar and became serious.

"Did he come back?" he asked presently.

"Did he come back?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes. I was asleep, but I waked up and heard him moving. Then I felt cold and went to sleep again. This morning I found the porthole open."

"Yes. I was asleep, but I woke up and heard him moving. Then I felt cold and went back to sleep. This morning I found the porthole open."

"Look here," said the doctor, quietly, "I don't care much for this ship. I don't care a rap for her reputation. I tell you what I will do. I have a good-sized place up here. I will share it with you,[Pg 27] though I don't know you from Adam."

"Listen," the doctor said quietly, "I’m not really fond of this ship. I don’t care at all about her reputation. Here’s what I’ll do: I have a decent-sized place up here. I’ll share it with you,[Pg 27] even though I don’t know you at all."

I was very much surprised at the proposition. I could not imagine why he should take such a sudden interest in my welfare. However, his manner as he spoke of the ship was peculiar.

I was really surprised by the proposal. I couldn't understand why he would suddenly care so much about my well-being. However, the way he talked about the ship was odd.

"You are very good, doctor," I said. "But really, I believe even now the cabin could be aired, or cleaned out, or something. Why do you not care for the ship?"

"You’re really great, doctor," I said. "But honestly, I think the cabin could still use some fresh air, or maybe a good cleaning, or something. Why don’t you take care of the ship?"

"We are not superstitious in our profession, sir," replied the doctor. "But the sea makes people so. I don't want to prejudice you, and I don't want to frighten you, but if you will take my advice you will move in here. I would as soon see you overboard," he added, "as know that you or any other man was to sleep in one hundred and five."[Pg 28]

"We're not superstitious in our line of work, sir," the doctor replied. "But the sea has a way of changing that. I don’t want to bias you or scare you, but if you take my advice, you’ll move in here. I’d just as soon see you overboard," he added, "than know that you or anyone else sleeps in one hundred and five."[Pg 28]

"Good gracious! Why?" I asked.

"Wow! Why?" I asked.

"Just because on the last three trips the people who have slept there actually have gone overboard," he answered, gravely.

"Just because the people who stayed there on the last three trips really went overboard," he replied seriously.

The intelligence was startling and exceedingly unpleasant, I confess. I looked hard at the doctor to see whether he was making game of me, but he looked perfectly serious. I thanked him warmly for his offer, but told him I intended to be the exception to the rule by which every one who slept in that particular state-room went overboard. He did not say much, but looked as grave as ever, and hinted that before we got across I should probably reconsider his proposal. In the course of time we went to breakfast, at which only an inconsiderable number of[Pg 29] passengers assembled. I noticed that one or two of the officers who breakfasted with us looked grave. After breakfast I went into my state-room in order to get a book. The curtains of the upper berth were still closely drawn. Not a word was to be heard. My room-mate was probably still asleep.

The news was shocking and really unsettling, I have to admit. I stared at the doctor to see if he was joking, but he looked completely serious. I thanked him sincerely for his offer, but said I planned to be the exception to the rule that everyone who slept in that particular state-room ended up going overboard. He didn’t say much, but kept a serious expression and suggested that I might reconsider his proposal before we got across. Eventually, we went to breakfast, where only a small number of[Pg 29] passengers showed up. I noticed that one or two of the officers who joined us for breakfast looked serious. After breakfast, I went into my state-room to grab a book. The curtains of the upper berth were still tightly closed. Not a sound could be heard. My roommate was probably still asleep.

As I came out I met the steward whose business it was to look after me. He whispered that the captain wanted to see me, and then scuttled away down the passage as if very anxious to avoid any questions. I went toward the captain's cabin, and found him waiting for me.

As I stepped out, I ran into the steward whose job was to take care of me. He quietly told me that the captain wanted to see me, and then hurried off down the hallway, clearly eager to dodge any questions. I made my way to the captain's cabin and found him waiting for me.

"Sir," said he, "I want to ask a favour of you."

"Sir," he said, "I want to ask you for a favor."

I answered that I would do anything to oblige him.

I responded that I would do anything to help him.

"Your room-mate has disappeared,"[Pg 30] he said. "He is known to have turned in early last night. Did you notice anything extraordinary in his manner?"

"Your roommate is missing,"[Pg 30] he said. "He was known to have gone to bed early last night. Did you notice anything unusual about how he was acting?"

The question coming, as it did, in exact confirmation of the fears the doctor had expressed half an hour earlier, staggered me.

The question, arriving exactly as the doctor had feared half an hour earlier, took me by surprise.

"You don't mean to say he has gone overboard?" I asked.

"You can't be serious that he has gone too far?" I asked.

"I fear he has," answered the captain.

"I think he has," replied the captain.

"This is the most extraordinary thing——" I began.

"This is the most amazing thing——" I started.

"Why?" he asked.

"Why?" he asked.

"He is the fourth, then?" I explained. In answer to another question from the captain, I explained, without mentioning the doctor, that I had heard the story concerning one hundred and five. He seemed very much annoyed at hearing that I knew of it. I told him what had occurred in the night.[Pg 31]

"He's the fourth, right?" I said. In response to another question from the captain, I shared, without bringing up the doctor, that I had heard the story about one hundred and five. He looked pretty annoyed that I knew about it. I told him what had happened during the night.[Pg 31]

"What you say," he replied, "coincides almost exactly with what was told me by the room-mates of two of the other three. They bolt out of bed and run down the passage. Two of them were seen to go overboard by the watch; we stopped and lowered boats, but they were not found. Nobody, however, saw or heard the man who was lost last night—if he is really lost. The steward, who is a superstitious fellow, perhaps, and expected something to go wrong, went to look for him this morning, and found his berth empty, but his clothes lying about, just as he had left them. The steward was the only man on board who knew him by sight, and he has been searching everywhere for him. He has disappeared! Now, sir, I want to beg you not to mention the circumstance to any of[Pg 32] the passengers; I don't want the ship to get a bad name, and nothing hangs about an ocean-goer like stories of suicides. You shall have your choice of any one of the officers' cabins you like, including my own, for the rest of the passage. Is that a fair bargain?"

"What you just said," he replied, "is almost exactly what I heard from the roommates of two of the other three. They jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway. The watch saw two of them go overboard; we stopped and lowered the boats, but they couldn’t be found. However, no one saw or heard about the man who went missing last night—if he really is missing. The steward, who might be a superstitious guy and was expecting something to go wrong, went to look for him this morning and found his bunk empty, with his clothes scattered just like he left them. The steward is the only person on board who recognized him, and he’s been searching everywhere for him. He has vanished! Now, sir, I must ask you not to mention this to any of [Pg 32] the passengers; I don’t want the ship to gain a bad reputation, and nothing sticks to an ocean traveler like stories of suicides. You can choose any officer’s cabin you want, including mine, for the rest of the journey. Is that a fair deal?"

"Very," said I; "and I am much obliged to you. But since I am alone, and have the state-room to myself, I would rather not move. If the steward will take out that unfortunate man's things, I would as leave stay where I am. I will not say anything about the matter, and I think I can promise you that I will not follow my room-mate."

"Absolutely," I said; "and I really appreciate it. But since I'm alone and have the cabin to myself, I'd prefer not to move. If the steward can just remove that poor guy's stuff, I'd just as soon stay put. I won't mention anything about it, and I promise I won't track down my roommate."

The captain tried to dissuade me from my intention, but I preferred having a state-room alone[Pg 33] to being the chum of any officer on board. I do not know whether I acted foolishly, but if I had taken his advice I should have had nothing more to tell. There would have remained the disagreeable coincidence of several suicides occurring among men who had slept in the same cabin, but that would have been all.

The captain tried to talk me out of my plan, but I would rather have a private room than share with any officer on the ship. I'm not sure if I was being foolish, but if I had listened to him, I wouldn't have anything else to say. All that would be left is the unfortunate coincidence of several suicides happening among men who had slept in the same cabin, but that would be it.

That was not the end of the matter, however, by any means. I obstinately made up my mind that I would not be disturbed by such tales, and I even went so far as to argue the question with the captain. There was something wrong about the state-room, I said. It was rather damp. The porthole had been left open last night. My room-mate might have been ill when he came on board, and he might have become[Pg 34] delirious after he went to bed. He might even now be hiding somewhere on board, and might be found later. The place ought to be aired and the fastening of the port looked to. If the captain would give me leave, I would see that what I thought necessary were done immediately.

That definitely wasn’t the end of it. I stubbornly decided that I wouldn’t let those stories bother me, and I even went as far as to debate the issue with the captain. There was definitely something off about the state room, I said. It felt a bit damp. The porthole had been left open all night. My roommate might have been sick when he boarded, and he could have become[Pg 34] delirious after going to bed. He might even be hiding somewhere on the ship and could be found later. The place should be aired out, and they should check the porthole’s latch. If the captain would allow it, I would make sure the necessary actions were taken right away.

"Of course you have a right to stay where you are if you please," he replied, rather petulantly; "but I wish you would turn out and let me lock the place up, and be done with it."

"Sure, you can stay where you are if you want," he replied, a bit annoyed. "But I really wish you would leave so I can lock the place up and be finished with it."

I did not see it in the same light, and left the captain, after promising to be silent concerning the disappearance of my companion. The latter had had no acquaintances on board, and was not missed in the course of the day. Towards evening I met the[Pg 35] doctor again, and he asked me whether I had changed my mind. I told him I had not.

I didn’t see it the same way and left the captain after promising to keep quiet about my friend’s disappearance. My friend hadn’t made any connections on the ship and wasn’t missed throughout the day. Later in the evening, I ran into the[Pg 35] doctor again, and he asked if I had reconsidered. I told him I hadn’t.

"Then you will before long," he said, very gravely.

"Then you will soon," he said, very seriously.


III.

We played whist in the evening, and I went to bed late. I will confess now that I felt a disagreeable sensation when I entered my state-room. I could not help thinking of the tall man I had seen on the previous night, who was now dead, drowned, tossing about in the long swell, two or three hundred miles astern. His face rose very distinctly before me as I undressed, and I even went so far as to draw back the curtains of the upper berth, as though to persuade myself that he was actually gone. I also bolted the door of the state-room. Suddenly I[Pg 37] became aware that the porthole was open, and fastened back. This was more than I could stand. I hastily threw on my dressing-gown and went in search of Robert, the steward of my passage. I was very angry, I remember, and when I found him I dragged him roughly to the door of one hundred and five, and pushed him towards the open porthole.

We played whist in the evening, and I went to bed late. I have to admit that I felt a strange discomfort when I entered my cabin. I couldn’t stop thinking about the tall man I had seen the night before, who was now dead, drowned, floating in the waves, two or three hundred miles behind us. His face stood out clearly in my mind as I got undressed, and I even went so far as to pull back the curtains of the upper bunk, as if to convince myself that he was really gone. I also locked the door of the cabin. Suddenly, I became aware that the porthole was open and pushed back. This was more than I could handle. I quickly threw on my robe and went to find Robert, the steward for my passage. I was really upset, I remember, and when I found him, I pulled him roughly to the door of room one hundred and five and shoved him towards the open porthole.

"What the deuce do you mean, you scoundrel, by leaving that port open every night? Don't you know it is against the regulations? Don't you know that if the ship heeled and the water began to come in, ten men could not shut it? I will report you to the captain, you blackguard, for endangering the ship!"

"What on earth do you mean, you jerk, by leaving that port open every night? Don't you know it's against the rules? Don't you realize that if the ship tilted and water started to come in, ten people couldn’t close it? I’m going to report you to the captain, you scoundrel, for putting the ship at risk!"

I was exceedingly wroth. The man trembled and turned pale,[Pg 38] and then began to shut the round glass plate with the heavy brass fittings.

I was extremely angry. The man shook and went pale,[Pg 38] and then started to close the round glass plate with the heavy brass fittings.

"Why don't you answer me?" I said, roughly.

"Why aren't you answering me?" I said, sharply.

"If you please, sir," faltered Robert, "there's nobody on board as can keep this 'ere port shut at night. You can try it yourself, sir. I ain't a-going to stop hany longer on board o' this vessel, sir; I ain't, indeed. But if I was you, sir, I'd just clear out and go and sleep with the surgeon, or something, I would. Look 'ere, sir, is that fastened what you may call securely, or not, sir? Try it, sir, see if it will move a hinch."

"If you don't mind, sir," Robert stammered, "there's no one on board who can keep this port shut at night. You can try it yourself, sir. I'm not going to stay on this ship any longer, sir; I'm really not. But if I were you, sir, I’d just get out of here and sleep with the surgeon or something. Look here, sir, is that secured, what you might call securely, or not, sir? Try it, sir, see if it will move an inch."

I tried the port, and found it perfectly tight.

I tried the port and found it completely secure.

"Well, sir," continued Robert, triumphantly, "I wager my reputation as a A1 steward, that in 'arf[Pg 39] an hour it will be open again; fastened back, too, sir, that's the horful thing—fastened back!"

"Well, sir," Robert continued, feeling victorious, "I bet my reputation as a top-notch steward that in half an hour it will be open again; fastened back, too, sir, that’s the awful part—fastened back!"

I examined the great screw and the looped nut that ran on it.

I looked at the big screw and the looped nut that moved along it.

"If I find it open in the night, Robert, I will give you a sovereign. It is not possible. You may go."

"If I see it open at night, Robert, I’ll give you a sovereign. That’s not going to happen. You can go now."

"Soverin' did you say, sir? Very good, sir. Thank ye, sir. Good night, sir. Pleasant reepose, sir, and all manner of hinchantin' dreams, sir."

"Did you say 'sovereign,' sir? Very good, sir. Thank you, sir. Good night, sir. Sleep well, sir, and may you have all kinds of enchanting dreams, sir."

Robert scuttled away, delighted at being released. Of course, I thought he was trying to account for his negligence by a silly story, intended to frighten me, and I disbelieved him. The consequence was that he got his sovereign, and I spent a very peculiarly unpleasant night.[Pg 40]

Robert hurried away, thrilled to be let go. I figured he was trying to cover up his mistake with a ridiculous story meant to scare me, and I didn’t believe him. As a result, he got his reward, and I had a really uncomfortable night.[Pg 40]

I went to bed, and five minutes after I had rolled myself up in my blankets the inexorable Robert extinguished the light that burned steadily behind the ground-glass pane near the door. I lay quite still in the dark trying to go to sleep, but I soon found that impossible. It had been some satisfaction to be angry with the steward, and the diversion had banished that unpleasant sensation I had at first experienced when I thought of the drowned man who had been my chum; but I was no longer sleepy, and I lay awake for some time, occasionally glancing at the porthole, which I could just see from where I lay, and which, in the darkness, looked like a faintly-luminous soup-plate suspended in blackness. I believe I must have lain there for an hour,[Pg 41] and, as I remember, I was just dozing into sleep when I was roused by a draught of cold air and by distinctly feeling the spray of the sea blown upon my face. I started to my feet, and not having allowed in the dark for the motion of the ship, I was instantly thrown violently across the state-room upon the couch which was placed beneath the porthole. I recovered myself immediately, however, and climbed upon my knees. The porthole was again wide open and fastened back!

I went to bed, and just five minutes after I had wrapped myself in my blankets, the unrelenting Robert turned off the light that was glowing steadily behind the frosted glass near the door. I lay still in the dark trying to fall asleep, but soon realized that was impossible. It had been somewhat satisfying to be angry with the steward, and that distraction had pushed away the unpleasant feeling I had at first when I thought of the drowned man who had been my friend; but I was no longer tired, and I lay awake for a while, occasionally glancing at the porthole, which I could barely see from where I lay and which, in the darkness, looked like a dimly lit soup plate hanging in the blackness. I think I must have been there for about an hour,[Pg 41] and as I recall, I was just starting to doze off when a cold breeze woke me up, along with the unmistakable feel of sea spray hitting my face. I jumped to my feet, but without accounting for the ship's movement in the dark, I was suddenly thrown hard across the state-room onto the couch that was under the porthole. I quickly steadied myself and got up on my knees. The porthole was wide open again and secured back!

Now these things are facts. I was wide awake when I got up, and I should certainly have been waked by the fall had I still been dozing. Moreover, I bruised my elbows and knees badly, and the bruises were there on the following morning to testify to the fact, if I[Pg 42] myself had doubted it. The porthole was wide open and fastened back—a thing so unaccountable that I remember very well feeling astonishment rather than fear when I discovered it. I at once closed the plate again and screwed down the loop nut with all my strength. It was very dark in the state-room. I reflected that the port had certainly been opened within an hour after Robert had at first shut it in my presence, and I determined to watch it and see whether it would open again. Those brass fittings are very heavy and by no means easy to move; I could not believe that the clump had been turned by the shaking of the screw. I stood peering out through the thick glass at the alternate white and grey streaks of the sea that foamed beneath the[Pg 43] ship's side. I must have remained there a quarter of an hour.

Now, these things are facts. I was wide awake when I got up, and I definitely would have woken up from the fall if I had still been dozing. Plus, I bruised my elbows and knees pretty badly, and the bruises were still there the next morning to prove it, even if I had any doubts myself. The porthole was wide open and secured back—a thing so strange that I remember feeling more astonished than scared when I noticed it. I immediately closed the hatch and screwed down the loop nut with all my strength. It was very dark in the state room. I thought about how the porthole must have been opened within an hour after Robert first shut it in front of me, and I decided to keep an eye on it to see if it would open again. Those brass fittings are quite heavy and definitely not easy to move; I couldn’t believe that the clump had turned just from the shaking of the screw. I stood there, peering out through the thick glass at the alternating white and gray streaks of the sea that foamed beneath the[Pg 43] ship’s side. I must have stayed there for about fifteen minutes.

Suddenly, as I stood, I distinctly heard something moving behind me in one of the berths, and a moment afterwards, just as I turned instinctively to look—though I could, of course, see nothing in the darkness—I heard a very faint groan. I sprang across the state-room, and tore the curtains of the upper berth aside, thrusting in my hands to discover if there were any one there. There was some one.

Suddenly, as I stood there, I clearly heard something shifting behind me in one of the beds, and just as I instinctively turned to look—though, of course, I couldn’t see anything in the dark—I heard a very faint groan. I rushed across the cabin and pulled aside the curtains of the upper bunk, reaching in with my hands to check if anyone was there. There was someone.

I remember that the sensation as I put my hands forward was as though I were plunging them into the air of a damp cellar, and from behind the curtain came a gust of wind that smelled horribly of stagnant sea-water. I laid hold of something that had the shape of[Pg 44] a man's arm, but was smooth, and wet, and icy cold. But suddenly, as I pulled, the creature sprang violently forward against me, a clammy, oozy mass, as it seemed to me, heavy and wet, yet endowed with a sort of supernatural strength. I reeled across the state-room, and in an instant the door opened and the thing rushed out. I had not had time to be frightened, and quickly recovering myself, I sprang through the door and gave chase at the top of my speed, but I was too late. Ten yards before me I could see—I am sure I saw it—a dark shadow moving in the dimly lighted passage, quickly as the shadow of a fast horse thrown before a dog-cart by the lamp on a dark night. But in a moment it had disappeared, and I found myself holding[Pg 45] on to the polished rail that ran along the bulkhead where the passage turned towards the companion. My hair stood on end, and the cold perspiration rolled down my face. I am not ashamed of it in the least: I was very badly frightened.

I remember that when I reached my hands out, it felt like I was plunging them into the air of a damp basement, and a gust of wind carrying a horrible smell of stagnant seawater came from behind the curtain. I grabbed something that felt like[Pg 44] a man's arm, but it was smooth, wet, and icy cold. Then, suddenly, as I pulled, the creature lunged violently toward me, a clammy, gooey mass that felt heavy and wet, yet had an almost supernatural strength. I staggered across the state-room, and in an instant, the door swung open and the thing bolted out. I hadn’t even had time to be scared, and quickly collecting myself, I dashed through the door and pursued it as fast as I could, but I was too late. Ten yards in front of me, I could see—I’m sure I saw—it was a dark shadow moving through the dimly lit passage, as quickly as a shadow of a fast horse stretching in front of a dog-cart by the lamplight on a dark night. But in a moment, it vanished, and I found myself gripping[Pg 45] the polished rail that ran along the bulkhead where the passage turned toward the stairs. My hair stood on end, and cold sweat rolled down my face. I’m not ashamed of it at all: I was really scared.

Still I doubted my senses, and pulled myself together. It was absurd, I thought. The Welsh rare-bit I had eaten had disagreed with me. I had been in a nightmare. I made my way back to my state-room, and entered it with an effort. The whole place smelled of stagnant sea-water, as it had when I had waked on the previous evening. It required my utmost strength to go in and grope among my things for a box of wax lights. As I lighted a railway reading lantern which I[Pg 46] always carry in case I want to read after the lamps are out, I perceived that the porthole was again open, and a sort of creeping horror began to take possession of me which I never felt before, nor wish to feel again. But I got a light and proceeded to examine the upper berth, expecting to find it drenched with sea-water.

Still, I doubted my senses and tried to pull myself together. It was ridiculous, I thought. The Welsh rarebit I had eaten must not have agreed with me. I had been in a nightmare. I made my way back to my cabin and entered with difficulty. The whole place smelled of stagnant seawater, just like it had when I woke up the night before. It took all my strength to go in and search through my things for a box of wax lights. As I lit a railway reading lantern that I[Pg 46] always carry in case I want to read after the lights are out, I noticed that the porthole was open again, and a creeping horror began to settle over me that I had never felt before and hope to never feel again. But I got a light and proceeded to check the upper berth, expecting to find it soaked with seawater.

But I was disappointed. The bed had been slept in, and the smell of the sea was strong; but the bedding was as dry as a bone. I fancied that Robert had not had the courage to make the bed after the accident of the previous night—it had all been a hideous dream. I drew the curtains back as far as I could and examined the place very carefully. It was perfectly dry. But the porthole was open again. With a sort of dull bewilderment[Pg 47] of horror, I closed it and screwed it down, and thrusting my heavy stick through the brass loop, wrenched it with all my might, till the thick metal began to bend under the pressure. Then I hooked my reading lantern into the red velvet at the head of the couch, and sat down to recover my senses if I could. I sat there all night, unable to think of rest—hardly able to think at all. But the porthole remained closed, and I did not believe it would now open again without the application of a considerable force.

But I was disappointed. The bed had been slept in, and the smell of the sea was strong; but the bedding was as dry as a bone. I guessed that Robert hadn’t had the courage to make the bed after the incident of the previous night—it had all been a terrible dream. I pulled the curtains back as far as I could and looked around the place very carefully. It was perfectly dry. But the porthole was open again. With a kind of dull confusion[Pg 47] of horror, I closed it and screwed it down, and putting my heavy stick through the brass loop, I heaved it with all my strength until the thick metal started to bend under the pressure. Then I hung my reading lantern into the red velvet at the head of the couch and sat down to try to collect my thoughts, if I could. I sat there all night, unable to think about resting—hardly able to think at all. But the porthole remained closed, and I was sure it wouldn’t open again without considerable force.

The morning dawned at last, and I dressed myself slowly, thinking over all that had happened in the night. It was a beautiful day and I went on deck, glad to get out in the early, pure sunshine, and to smell the breeze[Pg 48] from the blue water, so different from the noisome, stagnant odour from my state-room. Instinctively I turned aft, towards the surgeon's cabin. There he stood, with a pipe in his mouth, taking his morning airing precisely as on the preceding day.

The morning finally arrived, and I got dressed slowly, reflecting on everything that had happened during the night. It was a beautiful day, and I went on deck, happy to step out into the early, fresh sunlight and to breathe in the breeze[Pg 48] from the blue water, so different from the foul, stagnant smell coming from my cabin. I instinctively turned back toward the surgeon's cabin. There he was, with a pipe in his mouth, enjoying his morning air just like the day before.

"Good-morning," said he, quietly, but looking at me with evident curiosity.

"Good morning," he said softly, but he looked at me with clear curiosity.

"Doctor, you were quite right," said I. "There is something wrong about that place."

"Doctor, you were totally right," I said. "There's something off about that place."

"I thought you would change your mind," he answered, rather triumphantly. "You have had a bad night, eh? Shall I make you a pick-me-up? I have a capital recipe."

"I thought you would change your mind," he replied, sounding a bit victorious. "You had a rough night, huh? Want me to whip you up a pick-me-up? I have a great recipe."

"No, thanks," I cried. "But I would like to tell you what happened."[Pg 49]

"No, thanks," I said. "But I want to share what happened."[Pg 49]

I then tried to explain as clearly as possible precisely what had occurred, not omitting to state that I had been scared as I had never been scared in my whole life before. I dwelt particularly on the phenomenon of the porthole, which was a fact to which I could testify, even if the rest had been an illusion. I had closed it twice in the night, and the second time I had actually bent the brass in wrenching it with my stick. I believe I insisted a good deal on this point.

I then tried to explain as clearly as I could exactly what had happened, making sure to mention that I had been scared like I had never been scared before in my life. I especially focused on the porthole, which was something I could confirm, even if everything else had been an illusion. I had closed it twice during the night, and the second time I actually bent the brass trying to force it shut with my stick. I think I emphasized this point quite a bit.

"You seem to think I am likely to doubt the story," said the doctor, smiling at the detailed account of the state of the porthole. "I do not doubt it in the least. I renew my invitation to you. Bring your traps here, and take half my cabin."[Pg 50]

"You seem to think I’m going to doubt your story," said the doctor, smiling at the detailed description of the porthole's condition. "I don’t doubt it at all. I’m inviting you again. Bring your stuff here, and take half of my cabin."[Pg 50]

"Come and take half of mine for one night," I said. "Help me to get at the bottom of this thing."

"Come and take half of mine for one night," I said. "Help me figure this out."

"You will get to the bottom of something else if you try," answered the doctor.

"You'll figure out something else if you give it a shot," replied the doctor.

"What?" I asked.

"What?" I asked.

"The bottom of the sea. I am going to leave the ship. It is not canny."

"The bottom of the sea. I’m going to leave the ship. It’s not safe."

"Then you will not help me to find out——"

"Then you won't help me figure out——"

"Not I," said the doctor, quickly. "It is my business to keep my wits about me—not to go fiddling about with ghosts and things."

"Not me," said the doctor, quickly. "It’s my job to stay sharp—not to mess around with ghosts and stuff."

"Do you really believe it is a ghost?" I inquired, rather contemptuously. But as I spoke I remembered very well the horrible sensation of the supernatural[Pg 51] which had got possession of me during the night. The doctor turned sharply on me——

"Do you really think it's a ghost?" I asked, a bit dismissively. But as I said it, I vividly recalled the awful feeling of the supernatural[Pg 51] that had taken hold of me during the night. The doctor quickly turned to me—

"Have you any reasonable explanation of these things to offer?" he asked. "No; you have not. Well, you say you will find an explanation. I say that you won't, sir, simply because there is not any."

"Do you have any reasonable explanation for these things?" he asked. "No, you don't. Well, you say you will find an explanation. I say you won't, sir, simply because there isn't one."

"But, my dear sir," I retorted, "do you, a man of science, mean to tell me that such things cannot be explained?"

"But, my dear sir," I replied, "are you really saying that, as a man of science, you believe these things can't be explained?"

"I do," he answered, stoutly. "And, if they could, I would not be concerned in the explanation."

"I do," he replied firmly. "And if they could, I wouldn't worry about the explanation."

I did not care to spend another night alone in the state-room, and yet I was obstinately determined to get at the root of the disturbances. I do not believe there are many men who would have slept[Pg 52] there alone, after passing two such nights. But I made up my mind to try it, if I could not get any one to share a watch with me. The doctor was evidently not inclined for such an experiment. He said he was a surgeon, and that in case any accident occurred on board he must always be in readiness. He could not afford to have his nerves unsettled. Perhaps he was quite right, but I am inclined to think that his precaution was prompted by his inclination. On inquiry, he informed me that there was no one on board who would be likely to join me in my investigations, and after a little more conversation I left him. A little later I met the captain, and told him my story. I said that if no one would spend the night with me I would ask leave to have the light[Pg 53] burning all night, and would try it alone.

I didn’t want to spend another night alone in the state-room, but I was stubbornly determined to get to the bottom of the disturbances. I don’t think many men would have slept[Pg 52] there alone after experiencing two such nights. Still, I decided to give it a shot if I couldn’t find anyone to keep me company. The doctor clearly wasn’t up for that kind of experiment. He said he was a surgeon and needed to be ready in case anything happened on board. He couldn’t afford to have his nerves shot. Maybe he was right, but I suspect his caution was more about personal preference. When I asked, he told me that no one on board would likely join me in my investigations, and after a bit more chat, I left him. A little while later, I ran into the captain and shared my story. I told him that if no one would spend the night with me, I would ask for permission to keep the light[Pg 53] on all night and try it alone.

"Look here," said he, "I will tell you what I will do. I will share your watch myself, and we will see what happens. It is my belief that we can find out between us. There may be some fellow skulking on board, who steals a passage by frightening the passengers. It is just possible that there may be something queer in the carpentering of that berth."

"Listen," he said, "here's what I'll do. I'll share your watch myself, and we'll see what happens. I believe we can figure this out together. There might be someone lurking on the ship, trying to sneak a ride by scaring the passengers. It's also possible that there's something strange about the way that berth was built."

I suggested taking the ship's carpenter below and examining the place; but I was overjoyed at the captain's offer to spend the night with me. He accordingly sent for the workman and ordered him to do anything I required. We went below at once. I had all the bedding cleared out of the upper berth, and we examined the[Pg 54] place thoroughly to see if there was a board loose anywhere, or a panel which could be opened or pushed aside. We tried the planks everywhere, tapped the flooring, unscrewed the fittings of the lower berth and took it to pieces—in short, there was not a square inch of the state-room which was not searched and tested. Everything was in perfect order, and we put everything back in its place. As we were finishing our work, Robert came to the door and looked in.

I suggested taking the ship's carpenter below to check the area, and I was thrilled by the captain's offer to spend the night with me. He called for the worker and instructed him to do whatever I needed. We went below right away. I cleared out all the bedding from the upper bunk, and we thoroughly examined the[Pg 54] area to see if there was a loose board or a panel that could be opened or pushed aside. We tested the floorboards, tapped the flooring, unscrewed the fittings of the lower bunk, and took it apart—in short, we searched and tested every inch of the state-room. Everything was in perfect order, and we put everything back where it belonged. As we finished our work, Robert came to the door and looked in.

"Well, sir—find anything, sir?" he asked with a ghastly grin.

"Well, sir—did you find anything, sir?" he asked with a creepy grin.

"You were right about the porthole, Robert," I said, and I gave him the promised sovereign. The carpenter did his work silently and skilfully, following my directions. When he had done he spoke.[Pg 55]

"You were right about the porthole, Robert," I said, and I handed him the promised sovereign. The carpenter worked quietly and skillfully, following my instructions. When he finished, he spoke.[Pg 55]

"I'm a plain man, sir," he said. "But it's my belief you had better just turn out your things and let me run half a dozen four inch screws through the door of this cabin. There's no good never came o' this cabin yet, sir, and that's all about it. There's been four lives lost out o' here to my own remembrance, and that in four trips. Better give it up, sir—better give it up!"

"I'm a simple man, sir," he said. "But I think you should just unpack your stuff and let me put half a dozen four-inch screws through the door of this cabin. Nothing good has ever come from this cabin, sir, and that's the bottom line. I remember four lives being lost out here in four trips. You'd be better off letting it go, sir—better off letting it go!"

"I will try it for one night more," I said.

"I'll give it one more night," I said.

"Better give it up, sir—better give it up! It's a precious bad job," repeated the workman, putting his tools in his bag and leaving the cabin.

"Better give it up, sir—better give it up! It's a really bad idea," the worker said again, packing his tools into his bag and leaving the cabin.

But my spirits had risen considerably at the prospect of having the captain's company, and I made up my mind not to be prevented[Pg 56] from going to the end of the strange business. I abstained from Welsh rare-bits and grog that evening, and did not even join in the customary game of whist. I wanted to be quite sure of my nerves, and my vanity made me anxious to make a good figure in the captain's eyes.

But I felt much better at the thought of having the captain's company, and I decided not to let anything stop me[Pg 56] from seeing this strange situation through. That evening, I skipped the Welsh rare-bits and grog, and I didn't even participate in the usual game of whist. I wanted to be completely sure of my nerves, and my pride made me eager to impress the captain.


IV.

The captain was one of those splendidly tough and cheerful specimens of seafaring humanity whose combined courage, hardihood, and calmness in difficulty leads them naturally into high positions of trust. He was not the man to be led away by an idle tale, and the mere fact that he was willing to join me in the investigation was proof that he thought there was something seriously wrong, which could not be accounted for on ordinary theories, nor laughed down as a common superstition. To some extent, too, his reputation was at[Pg 58] stake, as well as the reputation of the ship. It is no light thing to lose passengers overboard, and he knew it.

The captain was one of those remarkably tough and upbeat people in the world of sailing, whose blend of bravery, resilience, and composure in tough situations naturally positions them in roles of great responsibility. He wasn’t the type to be swayed by a baseless story, and the fact that he agreed to join me in the investigation showed he believed something was seriously off, something that couldn’t be explained by usual theories or dismissed as a mere superstition. His reputation was at stake, as was the ship’s reputation. Losing passengers overboard is a serious matter, and he understood that.

About ten o'clock that evening, as I was smoking a last cigar, he came up to me and drew me aside from the beat of the other passengers who were patrolling the deck in the warm darkness.

About ten o'clock that evening, while I was enjoying a final cigar, he approached me and pulled me away from the crowd of other passengers strolling on the deck in the warm darkness.

"This is a serious matter, Mr. Brisbane," he said. "We must make up our minds either way—to be disappointed or to have a pretty rough time of it. You see, I cannot afford to laugh at the affair, and I will ask you to sign your name to a statement of whatever occurs. If nothing happens to-night we will try it again to-morrow and next day. Are you ready?"

"This is a serious matter, Mr. Brisbane," he said. "We need to decide one way or the other—to be disappointed or to have a pretty tough time. You see, I can't afford to take this lightly, and I’m going to ask you to sign a statement about whatever happens. If nothing occurs tonight, we’ll try again tomorrow and the day after. Are you ready?"

So we went below, and entered[Pg 59] the state-room. As we went in I could see Robert the steward, who stood a little further down the passage, watching us, with his usual grin, as though certain that something dreadful was about to happen. The captain closed the door behind us and bolted it.

So we went downstairs and entered[Pg 59] the cabin. As we walked in, I noticed Robert the steward, who was standing a bit further down the hallway, watching us with his usual grin as if he was sure something terrible was about to occur. The captain shut the door behind us and locked it.

"Supposing we put your portmanteau before the door," he suggested. "One of us can sit on it. Nothing can get out then. Is the port screwed down?"

"How about we put your suitcase in front of the door?" he suggested. "One of us can sit on it. Nothing can get out then. Is the port secured?"

I found it as I had left it in the morning. Indeed, without using a lever, as I had done, no one could have opened it. I drew back the curtains of the upper berth so that I could see well into it. By the captain's advice I lighted my reading-lantern, and placed it so that it shone upon the white sheets above. He insisted upon sitting[Pg 60] on the portmanteau, declaring that he wished to be able to swear that he had sat before the door.

I found it just as I had left it in the morning. In fact, without a lever, as I had used, no one could have opened it. I pulled back the curtains of the upper berth so I could see inside clearly. Following the captain's advice, I turned on my reading lantern and positioned it to illuminate the white sheets above. He insisted on sitting[Pg 60] on the suitcase, claiming that he wanted to be able to say he had sat in front of the door.

Then he requested me to search the state-room thoroughly, an operation very soon accomplished, as it consisted merely in looking beneath the lower berth and under the couch below the porthole. The spaces were quite empty.

Then he asked me to search the state-room thoroughly, a task that was quickly done since it only required checking under the lower berth and beneath the couch by the porthole. The spaces were completely empty.

"It is impossible for any human being to get in," I said, "or for any human being to open the port."

"It’s impossible for anyone to get in," I said, "or for anyone to open the gate."

"Very good," said the captain, calmly. "If we see anything now, it must be either imagination or something supernatural."

"Very good," said the captain, calmly. "If we see anything now, it must be either our imagination or something supernatural."

I sat down on the edge of the lower berth.

I sat down on the edge of the lower bunk.

"The first time it happened," said the captain, crossing his legs and leaning back against the door,[Pg 61] "was in March. The passenger who slept here, in the upper berth, turned out to have been a lunatic—at all events, he was known to have been a little touched, and he had taken his passage without the knowledge of his friends. He rushed out in the middle of the night, and threw himself overboard, before the officer who had the watch could stop him. We stopped and lowered a boat; it was a quiet night, just before that heavy weather came on; but we could not find him. Of course his suicide was afterwards accounted for on the ground of his insanity."

"The first time it happened," said the captain, crossing his legs and leaning back against the door,[Pg 61] "was in March. The passenger who slept here, in the upper bunk, turns out to have been a bit unhinged—at least, he was known to have some issues, and he had booked his ticket without his friends knowing. He bolted out in the middle of the night and jumped overboard before the officer on duty could stop him. We paused and lowered a boat; it was a calm night, just before that rough weather hit; but we couldn’t find him. Naturally, his suicide was later explained as a result of his insanity."

"I suppose that often happens?" I remarked, rather absently.

"I guess that happens a lot?" I said, somewhat distracted.

"Not often—no," said the captain; "never before in my experience, though I have heard of it[Pg 62] happening on board of other ships. Well, as I was saying, that occurred in March. On the very next trip—What are you looking at?" he asked, stopping suddenly in his narration.

"Not often—no," said the captain; "never before in my experience, though I have heard of it[Pg 62] happening on other ships. Well, as I was saying, that happened in March. On the very next trip—What are you looking at?" he asked, suddenly stopping in his storytelling.

I believe I gave no answer. My eyes were riveted upon the porthole. It seemed to me that the brass loop-nut was beginning to turn very slowly upon the screw—so slowly, however, that I was not sure it moved at all. I watched it intently, fixing its position in my mind, and trying to ascertain whether it changed. Seeing where I was looking, the captain looked too.

I don't think I responded. My gaze was fixed on the porthole. It looked to me like the brass loop-nut was starting to turn very slowly on the screw—so slowly, in fact, that I wasn't sure it was moving at all. I stared at it closely, memorizing its position and trying to figure out if it changed. Noticing where I was looking, the captain looked too.

"It moves!" he exclaimed, in a tone of conviction. "No, it does not," he added, after a minute.

"It moves!" he said, confidently. "No, it doesn't," he added, after a moment.

"If it were the jarring of the screw," said I, "it would have[Pg 63] opened during the day; but I found it this evening jammed tight as I left it this morning."

"If it was the screw making that noise," I said, "it would have[Pg 63] opened during the day; but I found it this evening stuck just like I left it this morning."

I rose and tried the nut. It was certainly loosened, for by an effort I could move it with my hands.

I stood up and tested the nut. It was definitely loose, because I could move it with my hands with some effort.

"The queer thing," said the captain, "is that the second man who was lost is supposed to have got through that very port. We had a terrible time over it. It was in the middle of the night, and the weather was very heavy; there was an alarm that one of the ports was open and the sea running in. I came below and found everything flooded, the water pouring in every time she rolled, and the whole port swinging from the top bolts—not the porthole in the middle. Well, we managed to shut it, but the water did some damage. Ever since that the[Pg 64] place smells of sea-water from time to time. We supposed the passenger had thrown himself out, though the Lord only knows how he did it. The steward kept telling me that he could not keep anything shut here. Upon my word—I can smell it now, cannot you?" he inquired, sniffing the air suspiciously.

"The strange thing," said the captain, "is that the second man who went missing is believed to have gone through that very port. We had a rough time with it. It was in the middle of the night, and the weather was really bad; there was a warning that one of the ports was open and water was coming in. I went below and found everything flooded, with water pouring in every time the ship rolled, and the whole port swinging from the top bolts—not the porthole in the middle. Well, we managed to close it, but the water caused some damage. Ever since then, that[Pg 64] place occasionally smells like seawater. We thought the passenger must have thrown himself out, though only God knows how he did that. The steward kept telling me that he couldn’t keep anything shut here. Honestly—I can smell it now, can’t you?" he asked, sniffing the air suspiciously.

"Yes—distinctly," I said, and I shuddered as that same odour of stagnant sea-water grew stronger in the cabin. "Now, to smell like this, the place must be damp," I continued, "and yet when I examined it with the carpenter this morning everything was perfectly dry. It is most extraordinary—hallo!"

"Yes—definitely," I said, shuddering as that same smell of stagnant seawater got stronger in the cabin. "For it to smell like this, the place must be damp," I continued, "and yet when I checked it with the carpenter this morning, everything was completely dry. It's really strange—hello!"

My reading-lantern, which had been placed in the upper berth, was suddenly extinguished. There[Pg 65] was still a good deal of light from the pane of ground glass near the door, behind which loomed the regulation lamp. The ship rolled heavily, and the curtain of the upper berth swung far out into the state-room and back again. I rose quickly from my seat on the edge of the bed, and the captain at the same moment started to his feet with a loud cry of surprise. I had turned with the intention of taking down the lantern to examine it, when I heard his exclamation, and immediately afterwards his call for help. I sprang towards him. He was wrestling with all his might, with the brass loop of the port. It seemed to turn against his hands in spite of all his efforts. I caught up my cane, a heavy oak stick I always used to carry, and thrust it through[Pg 66] the ring and bore on it with all my strength. But the strong wood snapped suddenly, and I fell upon the couch. When I rose again the port was wide open, and the captain was standing with his back against the door, pale to the lips.

My reading lamp, which had been placed on the top bunk, suddenly went out. There[Pg 65] was still quite a bit of light coming from the ground glass panel near the door, behind which the standard lamp was visible. The ship rolled heavily, and the curtain of the upper bunk swung far out into the cabin and back again. I quickly got up from my spot on the edge of the bed, and at the same time, the captain jumped to his feet with a loud shout of surprise. I turned, intending to take down the lamp to check it, when I heard his shout, followed immediately by his call for help. I rushed toward him. He was struggling with all his might against the brass loop of the porthole. It seemed to resist him no matter how hard he tried. I grabbed my cane, a heavy oak stick I always carried, and pushed it through[Pg 66] the ring, putting all my strength into it. But the sturdy wood snapped suddenly, and I fell onto the couch. When I stood up again, the porthole was wide open, and the captain was standing with his back against the door, pale as a ghost.

"There is something in that berth!" he cried, in a strange voice, his eyes almost starting from his head. "Hold the door, while I look—it shall not escape us, whatever it is!"

"There’s something in that spot!" he shouted, his voice sounding weird, his eyes bulging. "Hold the door while I check it out—it won’t get away from us, no matter what it is!"

But instead of taking his place, I sprang upon the lower bed, and seized something which lay in the upper berth.

But instead of taking his spot, I jumped onto the lower bed and grabbed something that was in the upper bunk.

It was something ghostly, horrible beyond words, and it moved in my grip. It was like the body of a man long drowned, and yet it moved, and had the strength of[Pg 67] ten men living; but I gripped it with all my might—the slippery, oozy, horrible thing. The dead white eyes seemed to stare at me out of the dusk; the putrid odour of rank sea-water was about it, and its shiny hair hung in foul wet curls over its dead face. I wrestled with the dead thing; it thrust itself upon me and forced me back and nearly broke my arms; it wound its corpse's arms about my neck, the living death, and overpowered me, so that I, at last, cried aloud and fell, and left my hold.

It was something eerie, terrifying beyond description, and it moved in my grasp. It felt like the body of a man long submerged, yet it moved and had the strength of[Pg 67] ten living men; but I held onto it with all my strength—the slippery, slimy, horrifying thing. Its dead white eyes seemed to glare at me from the shadows; the disgusting smell of rotten sea water surrounded it, and its greasy hair hung in matted wet curls over its lifeless face. I struggled with the dead thing; it pushed against me and almost broke my arms; it wrapped its corpse-like arms around my neck, the living dead, and overwhelmed me, so that finally I cried out and fell, letting go of my grip.

As I fell the thing sprang across me, and seemed to throw itself upon the captain. When I last saw him on his feet his face was white and his lips set. It seemed to me that he struck a violent blow at the dead being, and then he,[Pg 68] too, fell forward upon his face, with an inarticulate cry of horror.

As I fell, the thing jumped over me and seemed to attack the captain. The last time I saw him standing, his face was pale and his lips were tightly pressed together. It looked like he dealt a heavy blow to the dead creature, and then he,[Pg 68] also collapsed face-first, letting out a sound of terror.

The thing paused an instant, seeming to hover over his prostrate body, and I could have screamed again for very fright, but I had no voice left. The thing vanished suddenly, and it seemed to my disturbed senses that it made its exit through the open port, though how that was possible, considering the smallness of the aperture, is more than any one can tell. I lay a long time upon the floor, and the captain lay beside me. At last I partially recovered my senses and moved, and I instantly knew that my arm was broken—the small bone of the left forearm near the wrist.

The thing paused for a moment, almost hovering over his collapsed body, and I felt like I could scream again out of sheer fear, but I was out of voice. It disappeared suddenly, and to my bewildered mind, it seemed to slip out through the open port, though how that was even possible, given the small size of the opening, is anyone's guess. I lay there on the floor for a long time, and the captain was beside me. Finally, I started to regain my senses and moved, and I instantly realized that my arm was broken—the small bone in my left forearm near the wrist.

I got upon my feet somehow, and with my remaining hand I tried to raise the captain. He[Pg 69] groaned and moved, and at last came to himself. He was not hurt, but he seemed badly stunned.

I managed to get to my feet and, with my other hand, tried to help the captain up. He[Pg 69] groaned and shifted, eventually regaining his senses. He wasn't injured, but he looked pretty dazed.


Well, do you want to hear any more? There is nothing more. That is the end of my story. The carpenter carried out his scheme of running half a dozen four-inch screws through the door of one hundred and five; and if ever you take a passage in the Kamtschatka, you may ask for a berth in that state-room. You will be told that it is engaged—yes—it is engaged by that dead thing.

Well, do you want to hear more? There’s nothing left. That’s the end of my story. The carpenter went ahead with his plan to run six four-inch screws through the door of room one hundred and five; and if you ever take a trip on the Kamtschatka, you can ask for a spot in that state-room. You’ll be told that it's booked—yes—it’s booked by that lifeless thing.

I finished the trip in the surgeon's cabin. He doctored my broken arm, and advised me not to "fiddle about with ghosts and things" any more. The captain was very silent, and never sailed again in that ship, though it is[Pg 70] still running. And I will not sail in her either. It was a very disagreeable experience, and I was very badly frightened, which is a thing I do not like. That is all. That is how I saw a ghost—if it was a ghost. It was dead, anyhow.

I ended the trip in the surgeon's cabin. He treated my broken arm and told me not to "mess around with ghosts and stuff" anymore. The captain was really quiet and never sailed that ship again, even though it is[Pg 70] still operating. And I won’t sail on her either. It was a really unpleasant experience, and I was extremely scared, which I don’t like at all. That's it. That's how I encountered a ghost—if it was a ghost. It was dead, anyway.


BY THE WATERS OF PARADISE


By the Waters of Paradise.

I remember my childhood very distinctly. I do not think that the fact argues a good memory, for I have never been clever at learning words by heart, in prose or rhyme; so that I believe my remembrance of events depends much more upon the events themselves than upon my possessing any special facility for recalling them. Perhaps I am too imaginative, and the earliest impressions I received were of a kind to stimulate the imagination abnormally. A long series of little[Pg 74] misfortunes, connected with each other as to suggest a sort of weird fatality, so worked upon my melancholy temperament when I was a boy that, before I was of age, I sincerely believed myself to be under a curse, and not only myself, but my whole family, and every individual who bore my name.

I remember my childhood very clearly. I don't think this means I have a good memory, since I've never been great at memorizing words, whether they're in prose or poetry. I believe my recollection of events is more about the events themselves than my ability to remember them. Maybe I'm just too imaginative, and the first impressions I had were such that they sparked an unusually active imagination. A long string of small[Pg 74] misfortunes, all connected in a way that felt strangely fated, affected my melancholic nature as a child to the point where, before I turned 18, I genuinely believed I was cursed—along with my entire family and everyone who shared my name.

I was born in the old place where my father, and his father, and all his predecessors had been born, beyond the memory of man. It is a very old house, and the greater part of it was originally a castle, strongly fortified, and surrounded by a deep moat supplied with abundant water from the hills by a hidden aqueduct. Many of the fortifications have been destroyed, and the moat has been filled up. The water from the[Pg 75] aqueduct supplies great fountains, and runs down into huge oblong basins in the terraced gardens, one below the other, each surrounded by a broad pavement of marble between the water and the flower-beds. The waste surplus finally escapes through an artificial grotto, some thirty yards long, into a stream, flowing down through the park to the meadows beyond, and thence to the distant river. The buildings were extended a little and greatly altered more than two hundred years ago, in the time of Charles II., but since then little has been done to improve them, though they have been kept in fairly good repair, according to our fortunes.

I was born in the old place where my father, his father, and all his ancestors had been born, long before anyone can remember. It's a very old house, and a big part of it used to be a castle, heavily fortified and surrounded by a deep moat filled with plenty of water from the hills through a hidden aqueduct. Many of the fortifications have been torn down, and the moat has been filled in. The water from the[Pg 75] aqueduct feeds beautiful fountains and flows down into large rectangular basins in the terraced gardens, stacked one below the other, each bordered by a wide marble walkway that separates the water from the flower beds. The excess water finally runs through a man-made grotto, about thirty yards long, into a stream that flows through the park to the meadows beyond and then on to the distant river. The buildings were expanded a bit and significantly altered over two hundred years ago during the time of Charles II, but since then, not much has been done to improve them, even though they've been kept in fairly good repair according to our means.

In the gardens there are terraces and huge hedges of box and evergreen, some of which used to be[Pg 76] clipped into shapes of animals, in the Italian style. I can remember when I was a lad how I used to try to make out what the trees were cut to represent, and how I used to appeal for explanations to Judith, my Welsh nurse. She dealt in a strange mythology of her own, and peopled the gardens with griffins, dragons, good genii and bad, and filled my mind with them at the same time. My nursery window afforded a view of the great fountains at the head of the upper basin, and on moonlight nights the Welshwoman would hold me up to the glass and bid me look at the mist and spray rising into mysterious shapes, moving mystically in the white light like living things.

In the gardens, there are terraces and huge boxwood and evergreen hedges, some of which used to be[Pg 76] trimmed into animal shapes, in the Italian style. I remember when I was a kid, I would try to figure out what the trees were meant to look like and would ask Judith, my Welsh nurse, for explanations. She had her own strange mythology, filling the gardens with griffins, dragons, and both good and bad genies, and she filled my mind with these tales. From my nursery window, I could see the grand fountains at the top of the upper basin, and on moonlit nights, the Welshwoman would lift me up to the glass and tell me to look at the mist and spray rising into mysterious shapes, moving enchantingly in the white light like living beings.

"It's the Woman of the Water," she used to say; and sometimes[Pg 77] she would threaten that if I did not go to sleep the Woman of the Water would steal up to the high window and carry me away in her wet arms.

"It's the Woman of the Water," she used to say; and sometimes[Pg 77] she would threaten that if I didn't go to sleep, the Woman of the Water would sneak up to the high window and take me away in her wet arms.

The place was gloomy. The broad basins of water and the tall evergreen hedges gave it a funereal look, and the damp-stained marble causeways by the pools might have been made of tombstones. The gray and weather-beaten walls and towers without, the dark and massively-furnished rooms within, the deep, mysterious recesses and the heavy curtains, all affected my spirits. I was silent and sad from my childhood. There was a great clock tower above, from which the hours rang dismally during the day, and tolled like a knell in the dead of night. There was no light nor life in the house, for my mother[Pg 78] was a helpless invalid, and my father had grown melancholy in his long task of caring for her. He was a thin, dark man, with sad eyes; kind, I think, but silent and unhappy. Next to my mother, I believe he loved me better than anything on earth, for he took immense pains and trouble in teaching me, and what he taught me I have never forgotten. Perhaps it was his only amusement, and that may be the reason why I had no nursery governess or teacher of any kind while he lived.

The place was dark and depressing. The wide pools of water and the tall evergreen hedges made it look like a funeral home, and the damp-stained marble paths by the pools seemed like tombstones. The gray, weathered walls and towers outside, the dark, heavily furnished rooms inside, the deep, mysterious corners, and the heavy curtains all affected my mood. I was quiet and sad since childhood. There was a large clock tower above that chimed gloomily during the day and tolled like a funeral bell in the dead of night. There was no light or life in the house, as my mother[Pg 78] was a helpless invalid, and my father had become melancholic from his long task of taking care of her. He was a thin, dark man with sad eyes; kind, I think, but silent and unhappy. Next to my mother, I believe he loved me more than anything else on earth, as he put immense effort into teaching me, and I have never forgotten what he taught me. Perhaps it was his only source of happiness, which might explain why I had no nursery governess or teacher of any kind while he was alive.

I used to be taken to see my mother every day, and sometimes twice a day, for an hour at a time. Then I sat upon a little stool near her feet, and she would ask me what I had been doing, and what I wanted to do. I daresay she saw already the seeds of a[Pg 79] profound melancholy in my nature, for she looked at me always with a sad smile, and kissed me with a sigh when I was taken away.

I used to visit my mother every day, and sometimes twice a day, for an hour each time. I would sit on a little stool by her feet, and she would ask me what I had been up to and what I wanted to do. I can imagine she already recognized the beginnings of a[Pg 79] deep sadness in me, because she always looked at me with a sad smile and kissed me with a sigh when it was time for me to go.

One night, when I was just six years old, I lay awake in the nursery. The door was not quite shut, and the Welsh nurse was sitting sewing in the next room. Suddenly I heard her groan, and say in a strange voice, "One—two—one—two!" I was frightened, and I jumped up and ran to the door, barefooted as I was.

One night, when I was only six years old, I was lying awake in the nursery. The door wasn't fully closed, and the Welsh nurse was sitting in the next room sewing. Suddenly, I heard her groan and say in a weird voice, "One—two—one—two!" I got scared and jumped up, running to the door, barefoot as I was.

"What is it, Judith?" I cried, clinging to her skirts. I can remember the look in her strange dark eyes as she answered.

"What is it, Judith?" I shouted, holding onto her skirts. I can still recall the look in her unusual dark eyes as she responded.

"One—two leaden coffins, fallen from the ceiling!" she crooned, working herself in her chair. "One—two—a light coffin and a heavy coffin, falling to the floor!"[Pg 80]

"One—two heavy coffins, dropping from the ceiling!" she sang, shifting in her chair. "One—two—a light coffin and a heavy coffin, crashing to the floor!"[Pg 80]

Then she seemed to notice me, and she took me back to bed and sang me to sleep with a queer old Welsh song.

Then she seemed to notice me, and she took me back to bed and sang me to sleep with a strange old Welsh song.

I do not know how it was, but the impression got hold of me that she had meant that my father and mother were going to die very soon. They died in the very room where she had been sitting that night. It was a great room, my day nursery, full of sun when there was any: and when the days were dark it was the most cheerful place in the house. My mother grew rapidly worse, and I was transferred to another part of the building to make place for her. They thought my nursery was gayer for her, I suppose; but she could not live. She was beautiful when she was dead, and I cried bitterly.[Pg 81]

I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I got the feeling that she meant my parents were going to die soon. They passed away in the very room where she was sitting that night. It was a large room, my day nursery, filled with sunlight when there was any; and on dark days, it was the most uplifting place in the house. My mother quickly got worse, and I was moved to another part of the building to make room for her. I guess they thought my nursery was brighter for her, but she couldn’t be saved. She looked beautiful when she died, and I cried hard.[Pg 81]

"The light one, the light one—the heavy one to come," crooned the Welshwoman. And she was right. My father took the room after my mother was gone, and day by day he grew thinner and paler and sadder.

"The light one, the light one—the heavy one to come," sang the Welshwoman. And she was right. After my mother was gone, my father took the room, and day by day he grew thinner, paler, and sadder.

"The heavy one, the heavy one—all of lead," moaned my nurse, one night in December, standing still, just as she was going to take away the light after putting me to bed. Then she took me up again and wrapped me in a little gown, and led me away to my father's room. She knocked, but no one answered. She opened the door, and we found him in his easy-chair before the fire, very white, quite dead.

"The heavy one, the heavy one—all of lead," sighed my nurse one night in December as she stood still, just about to turn off the light after putting me to bed. Then she picked me up again, wrapped me in a little gown, and took me to my father's room. She knocked, but there was no answer. She opened the door, and we found him in his armchair by the fire, very pale and completely dead.

So I was alone with the Welshwoman till strange people came, and relations whom I had never[Pg 82] seen; and then I heard them saying that I must be taken away to some more cheerful place. They were kind people, and I will not believe that they were kind only because I was to be very rich when I grew to be a man. The world never seemed to be a very bad place to me, nor all the people to be miserable sinners, even when I was most melancholy. I do not remember that any one ever did me any great injustice, nor that I was ever oppressed or ill-treated in any way, even by the boys at school. I was sad, I suppose, because my childhood was so gloomy, and, later, because I was unlucky in everything I undertook, till I finally believed I was pursued by fate, and I used to dream that the old Welsh nurse and the Woman of the Water between[Pg 83] them had vowed to pursue me to my end. But my natural disposition should have been cheerful, as I have often thought.

So I was alone with the Welshwoman until some strange people showed up, along with relatives I had never seen before. Then I heard them say that I needed to be taken to a happier place. They were nice people, and I refuse to believe they were kind just because I was going to be very rich when I grew up. The world never seemed like a horrible place to me, nor did all its people appear to be miserable sinners, even when I was feeling my lowest. I don't recall anyone ever doing me any serious wrong, nor did I feel oppressed or mistreated in any way, even by the boys at school. I was sad, I guess, because my childhood was so dark, and later on, because I was unlucky in everything I tried, until I eventually thought I was being chased by fate. I even used to dream that the old Welsh nurse and the Woman of the Water had vowed to pursue me to the end. But I should have had a cheerful disposition, as I have often reflected.

Among lads of my age I was never last, or even among the last, in anything; but I was never first. If I trained for a race, I was sure to sprain my ankle on the day when I was to run. If I pulled an oar with others, my oar was sure to break. If I competed for a prize, some unforeseen accident prevented my winning it at the last moment. Nothing to which I put my hand succeeded, and I got the reputation of being unlucky, until my companions felt it was always safe to bet against me, no matter what the appearances might be. I became discouraged and listless in everything. I gave up the idea of competing for any distinction[Pg 84] at the University, comforting myself with the thought that I could not fail in the examination for the ordinary degree. The day before the examination began I fell ill; and when at last I recovered, after a narrow escape from death, I turned my back upon Oxford, and went down alone to visit the old place where I had been born, feeble in health and profoundly disgusted and discouraged. I was twenty-one years of age, master of myself and of my fortune; but so deeply had the long chain of small unlucky circumstances affected me that I thought seriously of shutting myself up from the world to live the life of a hermit, and to die as soon as possible. Death seemed the only cheerful possibility in my existence, and[Pg 85] my thoughts soon dwelt upon it altogether.

Among guys my age, I was never last, or even among the last, in anything; but I was never first either. Whenever I trained for a race, I would inevitably sprain my ankle on the day of the event. If I rowed with others, my oar would break. If I competed for a prize, some unexpected accident would keep me from winning it at the last moment. Nothing I tried succeeded, and I gained a reputation for being unlucky, to the point where my friends felt it was always safe to bet against me, regardless of how things looked. I became discouraged and indifferent about everything. I gave up on the idea of competing for any recognition[Pg 84] at the University, reassuring myself that I couldn't possibly fail the ordinary degree exam. The day before the exam started, I got sick; and when I finally recovered, after almost dying, I turned my back on Oxford and went back to visit my hometown, feeling weak and extremely disillusioned. I was twenty-one, in control of my life and future; but the long series of small unlucky events had affected me so deeply that I seriously considered isolating myself from the world to live like a hermit and die as quickly as possible. Death felt like the only bright spot in my life, and[Pg 85] my thoughts quickly became fixated on it.

I had never shown any wish to return to my own home since I had been taken away as a little boy, and no one had ever pressed me to do so. The place had been kept in order after a fashion, and did not seem to have suffered during the fifteen years or more of my absence. Nothing earthly could affect those old grey walls that had fought the elements for so many centuries. The garden was more wild than I remembered it; the marble causeways about the pools looked more yellow and damp than of old, and the whole place at first looked smaller. It was not until I had wandered about the house and grounds for many hours that I realised the[Pg 86] huge size of the home where I was to live in solitude. Then I began to delight in it, and my resolution to live alone grew stronger.

I had never wanted to return to my home since I had been taken away as a little boy, and no one had ever pushed me to do so. The place had been kept up somewhat and didn’t seem to have changed much during the fifteen years or so of my absence. Nothing could damage those old gray walls that had withstood the weather for so many centuries. The garden was wilder than I remembered; the marble pathways around the pools appeared yellower and damper than before, and at first, the whole place seemed smaller. It wasn't until I strolled around the house and grounds for many hours that I realized the[Pg 86] enormous size of the home where I was to live in solitude. Then I began to appreciate it, and my decision to live alone became even stronger.

The people had turned out to welcome me, of course, and I tried to recognise the changed faces of the old gardener and the old housekeeper, and to call them by name. My old nurse I knew at once. She had grown very grey since she heard the coffins fall in the nursery fifteen years before, but her strange eyes were the same, and the look in them woke all my old memories. She went over the house with me.

The people had come out to greet me, of course, and I tried to recognize the familiar yet changed faces of the old gardener and the old housekeeper, calling them by name. I knew my old nurse immediately. She had gone very grey since she heard the coffins drop in the nursery fifteen years earlier, but her unusual eyes were the same, and the look in them brought back all my old memories. She walked through the house with me.

"And how is the Woman of the Water?" I asked, trying to laugh a little. "Does she still play in the moonlight?"

"And how is the Woman of the Water?" I asked, trying to chuckle a bit. "Does she still dance in the moonlight?"

"She is hungry," answered the Welshwoman, in a low voice.[Pg 87]

"She's hungry," replied the Welshwoman in a quiet voice.[Pg 87]

"Hungry? Then we will feed her." I laughed. But old Judith turned very pale, and looked at me strangely.

"Hungry? Then we’ll feed her." I laughed. But old Judith turned very pale and looked at me strangely.

"Feed her? Ay—you will feed her well," she muttered, glancing behind her at the ancient housekeeper, who tottered after us with feeble steps through the halls and passages.

"Feed her? Yeah—you'll feed her well," she muttered, glancing back at the old housekeeper, who wobbled after us with weak steps through the halls and corridors.

I did not think much of her words. She had always talked oddly, as Welshwomen will, and though I was very melancholy I am sure I was not superstitious, and I was certainly not timid. Only, as in a far-off dream, I seemed to see her standing with the light in her hand and muttering, "The heavy one—all of lead," and then leading a little boy through the long corridors to see his father lying dead in a great[Pg 88] easy-chair before a smouldering fire. So we went over the house, and I chose the rooms where I would live; and the servants I had brought with me ordered and arranged everything, and I had no more trouble. I did not care what they did provided I was left in peace, and was not expected to give directions; for I was more listless than ever, owing to the effects of my illness at college.

I didn't think much of her words. She had always talked strangely, like Welsh women do, and even though I was feeling pretty down, I was definitely not superstitious or timid. It was more like a distant dream where I could see her holding the light and mumbling, "The heavy one—all of lead," while she led a little boy through the long hallways to see his dad lying dead in a big[Pg 88] easy chair in front of a dying fire. So, we went through the house, and I picked out the rooms where I would stay; the servants I had brought with me took care of everything, so I didn't have to deal with any hassle. I didn't mind what they did as long as I was left alone and didn’t have to give any orders; I was feeling more apathetic than ever because of the lingering effects of my illness from college.

I dined in solitary state, and the melancholy grandeur of the vast old dining-room pleased me. Then I went to the room I had selected for my study, and sat down in a deep chair, under a bright light, to think, or to let my thoughts meander through labyrinths of their own choosing, utterly indifferent to the course they might take.[Pg 89]

I had dinner alone, and I enjoyed the sad beauty of the large, old dining room. After that, I went to the room I chose for my study and sat down in a comfy chair, under a bright light, to think or to let my thoughts wander wherever they wanted, completely indifferent to where they might lead.[Pg 89]

The tall windows of the room opened to the level of the ground upon the terrace at the head of the garden. It was in the end of July, and everything was open, for the weather was warm. As I sat alone I heard the unceasing plash of the great fountains, and I fell to thinking of the Woman of the Water. I rose, and went out into the still night, and sat down upon a seat on the terrace, between two gigantic Italian flower-pots. The air was deliciously soft and sweet with the smell of the flowers, and the garden was more congenial to me than the house. Sad people always like running water and the sound of it at night, though I cannot tell why. I sat and listened in the gloom, for it was dark below, and the pale moon had not yet climbed over the hills in front[Pg 90] of me, though all the air above was light with her rising beams. Slowly the white halo in the eastern sky ascended in an arch above the wooded crests, making the outlines of the mountains more intensely black by contrast, as though the head of some great white saint were rising from behind a screen in a vast cathedral, throwing misty glories from below. I longed to see the moon herself, and I tried to reckon the seconds before she must appear. Then she sprang up quickly, and in a moment more hung round and perfect in the sky. I gazed at her, and then at the floating spray of the tall fountains, and down at the pools, where the water-lilies were rocking softly in their sleep on the velvet surface of the moon-lit water. Just then a great swan floated out silently[Pg 91] into the midst of the basin, and wreathed his long neck, catching the water in his broad bill, and scattering showers of diamonds around him.

The tall windows of the room opened to the ground level on the terrace at the edge of the garden. It was the end of July, and everything was open because the weather was warm. As I sat alone, I heard the steady sound of the large fountains, and I started to think about the Woman of the Water. I got up, went out into the quiet night, and sat down on a bench on the terrace, between two enormous Italian flower pots. The air was nicely soft and sweet with the scent of the flowers, and the garden felt more welcoming to me than the house. Sad people always seem to be drawn to running water and its sound at night, though I can't explain why. I sat and listened in the dark, as it was shadowy below, and the pale moon hadn't yet risen over the hills in front of me, even though the sky above was bright with her rising light. Slowly, the white halo in the eastern sky arched above the treetops, making the outlines of the mountains look even darker in contrast, as if the head of some great white saint was emerging from behind a screen in a huge cathedral, casting misty glories from below. I longed to see the moon herself, and I tried to count the seconds before she would appear. Then she shot up quickly, and just a moment later hung perfectly in the sky. I stared at her, then at the floating spray from the tall fountains, and down at the pools, where the water lilies were gently rocking in their sleep on the smooth surface of the moonlit water. Just then, a large swan silently glided into the middle of the basin, arched his long neck, scooped up water in his wide bill, and scattered showers of diamonds around him.

Suddenly, as I gazed, something came between me and the light. I looked up instantly. Between me and the round disk of the moon rose a luminous face of a woman, with great strange eyes, and a woman's mouth, full and soft, but not smiling, hooded in black, staring at me as I sat still upon my bench. She was close to me—so close that I could have touched her with my hand. But I was transfixed and helpless. She stood still for a moment, but her expression did not change. Then she passed swiftly away, and my hair stood up on my head, while the cold breeze from her white dress was wafted[Pg 92] to my temples as she moved. The moonlight, shining through the tossing spray of the fountain, made traceries of shadow on the gleaming folds of her garments. In an instant she was gone and I was alone.

Suddenly, as I looked up, something blocked the light. I glanced up immediately. Between me and the full moon was the glowing face of a woman, with large, unusual eyes and a full, soft mouth that wasn’t smiling, framed in black, staring at me as I sat still on my bench. She was so close I could have touched her. But I was frozen and unable to move. She stood there for a moment, but her expression didn’t change. Then she quickly disappeared, and my hair stood on end as the cold breeze from her white dress brushed against my temples as she moved. The moonlight, shining through the splashing water of the fountain, created intricate shadows on the shimmering folds of her garments. In an instant, she was gone, and I was alone.

I was strangely shaken by the vision, and some time passed before I could rise to my feet, for I was still weak from my illness, and the sight I had seen would have startled any one. I did not reason with myself, for I was certain that I had looked on the unearthly, and no argument could have destroyed that belief. At last I got up and stood unsteadily, gazing in the direction in which I thought the face had gone; but there was nothing to be seen—nothing but the broad paths, the tall, dark evergreen hedges, the tossing water of[Pg 93] the fountains and the smooth pool below. I fell back upon the seat and recalled the face I had seen. Strange to say, now that the first impression had passed, there was nothing startling in the recollection; on the contrary, I felt that I was fascinated by the face, and would give anything to see it again. I could retrace the beautiful straight features, the long dark eyes, and the wonderful mouth most exactly in my mind, and when I had reconstructed every detail from memory I knew that the whole was beautiful, and that I should love a woman with such a face.

I was oddly shaken by the vision, and it took me a while to get back on my feet because I was still weak from my illness, and the sight I'd seen would have startled anyone. I didn't try to rationalize it, because I was sure I had seen something otherworldly, and no argument could change that belief. Finally, I stood up, wobbling a bit, looking toward where I thought the face had gone; but there was nothing to see—just the wide paths, the tall, dark evergreen hedges, the splashing water of[Pg 93] the fountains and the calm pool below. I slumped back into my seat and tried to recall the face I had seen. Strangely enough, now that the initial shock had faded, there was nothing alarming about the memory; instead, I found myself captivated by the face and would give anything to see it again. I could clearly picture the beautiful straight features, the long dark eyes, and the stunning mouth in my mind, and once I had pieced together every detail from memory, I realized that the whole was beautiful, and I would love a woman with such a face.

"I wonder whether she is the Woman of the Water!" I said to myself. Then rising once more, I wandered down the garden, descending one short flight of steps[Pg 94] after another, from terrace to terrace by the edge of the marble basins, through the shadow and through the moonlight; and I crossed the water by the rustic bridge above the artificial grotto, and climbed slowly up again to the highest terrace by the other side. The air seemed sweeter, and I was very calm, so that I think I smiled to myself as I walked, as though a new happiness had come to me. The woman's face seemed always before me, and the thought of it gave me an unwonted thrill of pleasure, unlike anything I had ever felt before.

"I wonder if she’s the Woman of the Water!" I thought to myself. Then, rising again, I strolled through the garden, going down one short flight of steps[Pg 94] after another, from terrace to terrace by the edge of the marble basins, moving through the shadows and the moonlight; I crossed the water on the rustic bridge above the artificial grotto and slowly climbed back up to the highest terrace on the other side. The air felt sweeter, and I was calm, so I think I smiled to myself as I walked, as if a new happiness had come to me. The woman's face kept appearing in my mind, and thinking about it gave me an unusual thrill of pleasure, unlike anything I had ever experienced before.

I turned, as I reached the house, and looked back upon the scene. It had certainly changed in the short hour since I had come out, and my mood had changed with it. Just like my luck, I thought, to[Pg 95] fall in love with a ghost! But in old times I would have sighed, and gone to bed more sad than ever, at such a melancholy conclusion. To-night I felt happy, almost for the first time in my life. The gloomy old study seemed cheerful when I went in. The old pictures on the walls smiled at me, and I sat down in my deep chair with a new and delightful sensation that I was not alone. The idea of having seen a ghost, and of feeling much the better for it, was so absurd that I laughed softly, as I took up one of the books I had brought with me and began to read.

I turned as I reached the house and looked back at the scene. It had definitely changed in the short hour since I had come out, and my mood had changed with it. Typical of my luck, I thought, to[Pg 95] fall in love with a ghost! But back in the day, I would have sighed and gone to bed feeling more miserable than ever at such a sad conclusion. Tonight, I felt happy, almost for the first time in my life. The dark old study seemed cheerful when I went in. The old pictures on the walls looked like they were smiling at me, and I sat down in my comfy chair with a fresh and delightful feeling that I wasn’t alone. The idea of having seen a ghost and feeling a lot better because of it was so ridiculous that I laughed softly as I picked up one of the books I had brought with me and started to read.

That impression did not wear off. I slept peacefully, and in the morning I threw open my windows to the summer air and looked down at the garden, at the stretches of[Pg 96] green and at the coloured flower-beds, at the circling swallows and at the bright water.

That impression didn’t fade. I slept soundly, and in the morning I threw open my windows to the summer air and looked down at the garden, at the stretches of[Pg 96] green and the colorful flower beds, at the swooping swallows and the sparkling water.

"A man might make a paradise of this place," I exclaimed. "A man and a woman together!"

"A man could create a paradise in this place," I exclaimed. "A man and a woman together!"

From that day the old castle no longer seemed gloomy, and I think I ceased to be sad; for some time, too, I began to take an interest in the place, and to try and make it more alive. I avoided my old Welsh nurse, lest she should damp my humour with some dismal prophecy, and recall my old self by bringing back memories of my dismal childhood. But what I thought of most was the ghostly figure I had seen in the garden that first night after my arrival. I went out every evening and wandered through the walks and paths; but, try as I might, I did not see[Pg 97] my vision again. At last, after many days, the memory grew more faint, and my old moody nature gradually overcame the temporary sense of lightness I had experienced. The summer turned to autumn, and I grew restless. It began to rain. The dampness pervaded the gardens, and the outer halls smelled musty, like tombs; the grey sky oppressed me intolerably. I left the place as it was and went abroad, determined to try anything which might possibly make a second break in the monotonous melancholy from which I suffered.

From that day on, the old castle didn’t feel gloomy anymore, and I think I stopped being sad; for a while, I even started to take an interest in the place and tried to make it feel more alive. I avoided my old Welsh nurse because I didn't want her to dampen my spirits with some gloomy prediction and remind me of my sad childhood. But what I thought about the most was the ghostly figure I had seen in the garden that first night after I arrived. I went out every evening and wandered through the paths; but no matter how hard I tried, I didn’t see my vision again. Finally, after many days, the memory faded, and my old moody nature slowly took over the temporary feeling of lightness I had felt. Summer turned into autumn, and I became restless. It started to rain. The dampness filled the gardens, and the outside halls smelled musty, like tombs; the gray sky felt unbearably heavy. I left the place as it was and went abroad, determined to try anything that might break the monotonous melancholy I was experiencing.


II.

Most people would be struck by the utter insignificance of the small events which, after the death of my parents, influenced my life and made me unhappy. The gruesome forebodings of a Welsh nurse, which chanced to be realised by an odd coincidence of events, should not seem enough to change the nature of a child, and to direct the bent of his character in after years. The little disappointments of schoolboy life, and the somewhat less childish ones of an uneventful and undistinguished academic career, should not have sufficed to turn me out[Pg 99] at one-and-twenty years of age a melancholic, listless idler. Some weakness of my own character may have contributed to the result, but in a greater degree it was due to my having a reputation for bad luck. However, I will not try to analyse the causes of my state, for I should satisfy nobody, least of all myself. Still less will I attempt to explain why I felt a temporary revival of my spirits after my adventure in the garden. It is certain that I was in love with the face I had seen, and that I longed to see it again; that I gave up all hope of a second visitation, grew more sad than ever, packed up my traps, and finally went abroad. But in my dreams I went back to my home, and it always appeared to me sunny and bright, as it had looked on that[Pg 100] summer's morning after I had seen the woman by the fountain.

Most people would be surprised by how insignificant the small events were that, after my parents died, influenced my life and made me unhappy. The eerie predictions of a Welsh nurse, which oddly came true, shouldn't seem enough to change a child's nature or shape their character in later years. The minor disappointments of school life, and the somewhat less childish ones from a dull and ordinary academic career, shouldn't have been enough to turn me into a melancholic, aimless slacker by the age of twenty-one. Some flaws in my own character may have played a role, but mostly it was because I was known for having bad luck. However, I won't try to analyze the reasons for my situation, as I wouldn't satisfy anyone, least of all myself. Even less will I try to explain why I felt a temporary boost in my spirits after my experience in the garden. It's clear that I was in love with the face I had seen and that I desperately wanted to see it again; I gave up all hope of a second encounter, grew sadder than before, packed my things, and eventually went abroad. But in my dreams, I returned home, and it always seemed sunny and bright, just like it had on that summer morning after I saw the woman by the fountain.

I went to Paris. I went further, and wandered about Germany. I tried to amuse myself, and I failed miserably. With the aimless whims of an idle and useless man, come all sorts of suggestions for good resolutions. One day I made up my mind that I would go and bury myself in a German university for a time, and live simply like a poor student. I started with the intention of going to Leipsic, determined to stay there until some event should direct my life or change my humour, or make an end of me altogether. The express train stopped at some station of which I did not know the name. It was dusk on a winter's afternoon, and I peered through the thick glass from my[Pg 101] seat. Suddenly another train came gliding in from the opposite direction, and stopped alongside of ours. I looked at the carriage which chanced to be abreast of mine, and idly read the black letters painted on a white board swinging from the brass handrail: Berlin—Cologne—Paris. Then I looked up at the window above. I started violently, and the cold perspiration broke out upon my forehead. In the dim light, not six feet from where I sat, I saw the face of a woman, the face I loved, the straight, fine features, the strange eyes, the wonderful mouth, the pale skin. Her head-dress was a dark veil, which seemed to be tied about her head and passed over the shoulders under her chin. As I threw down the window and knelt[Pg 102] on the cushioned seat, leaning far out to get a better view, a long whistle screamed through the station, followed by a quick series of dull, clanking sounds; then there was a slight jerk, and my train moved on. Luckily the window was narrow, being the one over the seat, beside the door, or I believe I would have jumped out of it then and there. In an instant the speed increased, and I was being carried swiftly away in the opposite direction from the thing I loved.

I went to Paris. I went even further and wandered around Germany. I tried to have some fun, but I failed miserably. With the aimless whims of a lazy and pointless guy, all sorts of suggestions for good intentions came to mind. One day, I decided that I would bury myself in a German university for a while and live simply like a poor student. I set out with plans to go to Leipsic, determined to stay there until something changed my life, lifted my spirits, or ended everything altogether. The express train stopped at a station whose name I didn't know. It was dusk on a winter afternoon, and I peered through the thick glass from my[Pg 101] seat. Suddenly, another train glided in from the opposite direction and parked next to mine. I looked at the carriage that was next to mine and idly read the black letters painted on a white sign swinging from the brass handrail: Berlin—Cologne—Paris. Then I looked up at the window above. I jumped, and cold sweat broke out on my forehead. In the dim light, not six feet from where I sat, I saw the face of a woman I loved—the straight, fine features, the strange eyes, the incredible mouth, the pale skin. She was wearing a dark veil tied around her head and draping over her shoulders under her chin. As I threw down the window and knelt[Pg 102] on the cushioned seat, leaning far out for a better look, a long whistle screamed through the station, followed by a rapid series of dull, clanking sounds; then there was a slight jerk, and my train started moving. Thankfully, the window was narrow, being the one over the seat by the door; otherwise, I’d have jumped out right then and there. In an instant, the speed picked up, and I was being carried swiftly away from the thing I loved.

For a quarter of an hour I lay back in my place, stunned by the suddenness of the apparition. At last one of the two other passengers, a large and gorgeous captain of the White Konigsberg Cuirassiers, civilly but firmly suggested that I might shut my[Pg 103] window, as the evening was cold. I did so, with an apology, and relapsed into silence. The train ran swiftly on, for a long time, and it was already beginning to slacken speed before entering another station, when I roused myself and made a sudden resolution. As the carriage stopped before the brilliantly lighted platform, I seized my belongings, saluted my fellow-passengers, and got out, determined to take the first express back to Paris.

For fifteen minutes, I lay back in my seat, shocked by the sudden appearance. Finally, one of the two other passengers, a big and impressive captain of the White Konigsberg Cuirassiers, politely but firmly suggested that I might want to close my[Pg 103] window since the evening was cold. I did so, with an apology, and fell back into silence. The train sped along for a while, and it was already slowing down before reaching another station when I shook myself awake and made a quick decision. As the carriage stopped in front of the brightly lit platform, I grabbed my things, nodded to my fellow passengers, and got off, determined to catch the first express back to Paris.

This time the circumstances of the vision had been so natural that it did not strike me that there was anything unreal about the face, or about the woman to whom it belonged. I did not try to explain to myself how the face, and the woman, could be travelling by a fast train from Berlin to Paris[Pg 104] on a winter's afternoon, when both were in my mind indelibly associated with the moonlight and the fountains in my own English home. I certainly would not have admitted that I had been mistaken in the dusk, attributing to what I had seen a resemblance to my former vision which did not really exist. There was not the slightest doubt in my mind, and I was positively sure that I had again seen the face I loved. I did not hesitate, and in a few hours I was on my way back to Paris. I could not help reflecting on my ill luck. Wandering as I had been for many months, it might as easily have chanced that I should be travelling in the same train with that woman, instead of going the other way. But my luck was destined to turn for a time.[Pg 105]

This time, the circumstances of the vision felt so real that I didn’t think there was anything strange about the face or the woman it belonged to. I didn't try to figure out how the face and the woman could be traveling by a fast train from Berlin to Paris[Pg 104] on a winter afternoon when they were both firmly linked in my mind to the moonlight and the fountains of my English home. I definitely wouldn’t have admitted that I was mistaken in the dim light, attributing to what I had seen a resemblance to my previous vision that didn’t actually exist. There was no doubt in my mind, and I was absolutely certain that I had seen the face I loved again. I didn’t hesitate, and within a few hours, I was on my way back to Paris. I couldn’t help but think about my bad luck. After wandering for months, it could easily have happened that I was on the same train as that woman, instead of going the other way. But my luck was meant to change for a while.[Pg 105]

I searched Paris for several days. I dined at the principal hotels; I went to the theatres; I rode in the Bois de Boulogne in the morning, and picked up an acquaintance, whom I forced to drive with me in the afternoon. I went to mass at the Madeleine, and I attended the services at the English Church. I hung about the Louvre and Notre Dame. I went to Versailles. I spent hours in parading the Rue de Rivoli, in the neighbourhood of Meurice's corner, where foreigners pass and repass from morning till night. At last I received an invitation to a reception at the English Embassy. I went, and I found what I had sought so long.

I spent several days searching in Paris. I ate at the main hotels; I went to the theaters; I rode through the Bois de Boulogne in the morning and picked up a friend, who I convinced to join me for a drive in the afternoon. I attended mass at the Madeleine and went to services at the English Church. I wandered around the Louvre and Notre Dame. I visited Versailles. I spent hours walking along the Rue de Rivoli, near the corner of Meurice's, where tourists come and go all day long. Finally, I got an invitation to a reception at the English Embassy. I went, and I found what I had been looking for all along.

There she was, sitting by an old lady in grey satin and diamonds, who had a wrinkled but kindly face and keen grey eyes that[Pg 106] seemed to take in everything they saw, with very little inclination to give much in return. But I did not notice the chaperon. I saw only the face that had haunted me for months, and in the excitement of the moment I walked quickly towards the pair, forgetting such a trifle as the necessity for an introduction.

There she was, sitting next to an elderly woman in gray satin and diamonds, who had a wrinkled but friendly face and sharp gray eyes that[Pg 106] seemed to absorb everything they looked at, showing little willingness to share anything in return. But I didn’t notice the chaperone. All I could see was the face that had been haunting me for months, and in my excitement, I quickly walked toward the two of them, completely forgetting about the need for an introduction.

She was far more beautiful than I had thought, but I never doubted that it was she herself and no other. Vision or no vision before, this was the reality, and I knew it. Twice her hair had been covered, now at last I saw it, and the added beauty of its magnificence glorified the whole woman. It was rich hair, fine and abundant, golden, with deep ruddy tints in it like red bronze spun fine. There was no ornament in it, not a rose, not[Pg 107] a thread of gold, and I felt that it needed nothing to enhance its splendour; nothing but her pale face, her dark strange eyes, and her heavy eyebrows. I could see that she was slender too, but strong withal, as she sat there quietly gazing at the moving scene in the midst of the brilliant lights and the hum of perpetual conversation.

She was way more beautiful than I had imagined, but I never doubted that it was her and no one else. Whether I had a vision before or not, this was the reality, and I knew it. Twice her hair had been covered, and now at last I saw it, and the added beauty of its magnificence made the whole woman shine. It was rich hair, fine and abundant, golden with deep reddish tints, like finely spun red bronze. There was no ornament in it, not a rose, not[Pg 107] a thread of gold, and I felt it needed nothing to enhance its splendor; nothing but her pale face, her dark, mysterious eyes, and her heavy eyebrows. I could see that she was slender too, but strong as she sat there quietly gazing at the moving scene amidst the brilliant lights and the buzz of constant conversation.

I recollected the detail of introduction in time, and turned aside to look for my host. I found him at last. I begged him to present me to the two ladies, pointing them out to him at the same time.

I remembered the details of the introduction in time and turned to look for my host. I finally found him. I asked him to introduce me to the two ladies, pointing them out to him at the same time.

"Yes—uh—by all means—uh—" replied his Excellency with a pleasant smile. He evidently had no idea of my name, which was not to be wondered at.[Pg 108]

"Sure—uh—definitely—uh—" replied his Excellency with a friendly smile. He clearly had no clue what my name was, which wasn't surprising at all.[Pg 108]

"I am Lord Cairngorm," I observed.

"I am Lord Cairngorm," I said.

"Oh—by all means," answered the Ambassador with the same hospitable smile. "Yes—uh—the fact is, I must try and find out who they are; such lots of people, you know."

"Oh—of course," replied the Ambassador with the same friendly smile. "Yes—uh—the truth is, I really need to figure out who they are; so many people, you know."

"Oh, if you will present me, I will try and find out for you," said I, laughing.

"Oh, if you introduce me, I'll try to find out for you," I said, laughing.

"Ah, yes—so kind of you—come along," said my host. We threaded the crowd, and in a few minutes we stood before the two ladies.

"Ah, yes—so nice of you—come on," said my host. We navigated through the crowd, and in a few minutes, we were standing in front of the two ladies.

"'Lowmintrduce L'd Cairngorm," he said; then, adding quickly to me, "Come and dine to-morrow, won't you?" he glided away with his pleasant smile and disappeared in the crowd.

"'Lowmintrduce L'd Cairngorm," he said; then, quickly adding to me, "Come and have dinner tomorrow, okay?" He glided away with his friendly smile and disappeared into the crowd.

I sat down beside the beautiful[Pg 109] girl, conscious that the eyes of the duenna were upon me.

I sat down next to the beautiful[Pg 109] girl, aware that the duenna was watching me.

"I think we have been very near meeting before," I remarked, by way of opening the conversation.

"I think we've been close to meeting before," I said to start the conversation.

My companion turned her eyes full upon me with an air of inquiry. She evidently did not recall my face, if she had ever seen me.

My companion looked directly at me with a questioning expression. It was clear she didn’t remember my face, if she had ever seen me before.

"Really—I cannot remember," she observed, in a low and musical voice. "When?"

"Honestly—I can't remember," she said in a soft, melodic voice. "When?"

"In the first place, you came down from Berlin by the express, ten days ago. I was going the other way, and our carriages stopped opposite each other. I saw you at the window."

"In the first place, you took the express train from Berlin ten days ago. I was traveling the other way, and our carriages stopped across from each other. I saw you at the window."

"Yes—we came that way, but I do not remember——" She hesitated.

"Yeah—we went that way, but I don't remember——" She paused.

"Secondly," I continued, "I was sitting alone in my garden last[Pg 110] summer—near the end of July—do you remember? You must have wandered in there through the park; you came up to the house and looked at me——"

"Secondly," I continued, "I was sitting by myself in my garden last[Pg 110] summer—toward the end of July—do you remember? You must have walked in through the park; you came up to the house and looked at me——"

"Was that you?" she asked, in evident surprise. Then she broke into a laugh. "I told everybody I had seen a ghost; there had never been any Cairngorms in the place since the memory of man. We left the next day, and never heard that you had come there; indeed, I did not know the castle belonged to you."

"Was that you?" she asked, clearly surprised. Then she started laughing. "I told everyone I saw a ghost; there have never been any Cairngorms in that place in anyone's memory. We left the next day and never heard that you had been there; in fact, I didn’t even know the castle was yours."

"Where were you staying?" I asked.

"Where were you staying?" I asked.

"Where? Why, with my aunt, where I always stay. She is your neighbour, since it is you."

"Where? Well, with my aunt, where I always stay. She lives next door to you, since it's you."

"I—beg your pardon—but then—is your aunt Lady Bluebell? I did not quite catch——"[Pg 111]

"I—excuse me—but then—are you related to Lady Bluebell? I didn't quite hear——"[Pg 111]

"Don't be afraid. She is amazingly deaf. Yes. She is the relict of my beloved uncle, the sixteenth or seventeenth Baron Bluebell—I forget exactly how many of them there have been. And I—do you know who I am?" She laughed, well knowing that I did not.

"Don't worry. She's incredibly deaf. Yes. She was the last surviving relative of my beloved uncle, the sixteenth or seventeenth Baron Bluebell—I can't remember exactly how many there have been. And I—do you know who I am?" She laughed, clearly aware that I didn't.

"No," I answered frankly. "I have not the least idea. I asked to be introduced because I recognised you. Perhaps—perhaps you are a Miss Bluebell?"

"No," I said honestly. "I have no idea. I asked to be introduced because I recognized you. Maybe—maybe you're a Miss Bluebell?"

"Considering that you are a neighbour, I will tell you who I am," she answered. "No; I am of the tribe of Bluebells, but my name is Lammas, and I have been given to understand that I was christened Margaret. Being a floral family, they call me Daisy. A dreadful American man once told me that my aunt was a Bluebell[Pg 112] and that I was a Harebell—with two l's and an e—because my hair is so thick. I warn you, so that you may avoid making such a bad pun."

"Since you’re a neighbor, I’ll tell you who I am," she replied. "No, I belong to the tribe of Bluebells, but my name is Lammas, and I’ve been told that I was baptized Margaret. Being from a floral family, they call me Daisy. A terrible American man once told me that my aunt was a Bluebell[Pg 112] and that I was a Harebell—with two l's and an e—because my hair is so thick. I’m warning you so you can avoid making such a bad pun."

"Do I look like a man who makes puns?" I asked, being very conscious of my melancholy face and sad looks.

"Do I look like someone who makes puns?" I asked, fully aware of my gloomy expression and sorrowful appearance.

Miss Lammas eyed me critically.

Miss Lammas gave me a look.

"No; you have a mournful temperament. I think I can trust you," she answered. "Do you think you could communicate to my aunt the fact that you are a Cairngorm and a neighbour? I am sure she would like to know."

"No; you have a sad personality. I think I can trust you," she replied. "Do you think you could tell my aunt that you’re a Cairngorm and a neighbor? I'm sure she’d like to know."

I leaned towards the old lady, inflating my lungs for a yell. But Miss Lammas stopped me.

I leaned in toward the old lady, taking a deep breath to yell. But Miss Lammas held me back.

"That is not of the slightest use," she remarked. "You can[Pg 113] write it on a bit of paper. She is utterly deaf."

"That's not helpful at all," she said. "You can[Pg 113] write it on a piece of paper. She's completely deaf."

"I have a pencil," I answered; "but I have no paper. Would my cuff do, do you think?"

"I have a pencil," I replied, "but I don’t have any paper. Do you think my cuff would work?"

"Oh, yes!" replied Miss Lammas, with alacrity; "men often do that."

"Oh, yes!" replied Miss Lammas eagerly; "men often do that."

I wrote on my cuff: "Miss Lammas wishes me to explain that I am your neighbour, Cairngorm." Then I held out my arm before the old lady's nose. She seemed perfectly accustomed to the proceeding, put up her glasses, read the words, smiled, nodded, and addressed me in the unearthly voice peculiar to people who hear nothing.

I wrote on my cuff: "Miss Lammas wants me to explain that I'm your neighbor, Cairngorm." Then I held out my arm in front of the old lady's face. She seemed totally used to this, adjusted her glasses, read the words, smiled, nodded, and spoke to me in that peculiar voice people use when they can't hear anything.

"I knew your grandfather very well," she said. Then she smiled and nodded to me again, and to her niece, and relapsed into silence.[Pg 114]

"I knew your grandfather really well," she said. Then she smiled and nodded at me again, and at her niece, and fell silent.[Pg 114]

"It is all right," remarked Miss Lammas. "Aunt Bluebell knows she is deaf, and does not say much, like the parrot. You see, she knew your grandfather. How odd, that we should be neighbours! Why have we never met before?"

"It’s fine," said Miss Lammas. "Aunt Bluebell knows she’s deaf and doesn’t talk much, like the parrot. You see, she knew your grandfather. Isn't it strange that we’re neighbors? Why have we never met before?"

"If you had told me you knew my grandfather when you appeared in the garden, I should not have been in the least surprised," I answered rather irrelevantly. "I really thought you were the ghost of the old fountain. How in the world did you come there at that hour?"

"If you had told me you knew my grandfather when you showed up in the garden, I wouldn't have been the slightest bit surprised," I replied somewhat offhandedly. "I honestly thought you were the ghost of the old fountain. How on earth did you get there at that hour?"

"We were a large party and we went out for a walk. Then we thought we should like to see what your park was like in the moonlight, and so we trespassed. I got separated from the rest, and came[Pg 115] upon you by accident, just as I was admiring the extremely ghostly look of your house, and wondering whether anybody would ever come and live there again. It looks like the castle of Macbeth, or a scene from the opera. Do you know anybody here?"

"We were a big group, and we went out for a walk. Then we thought it would be nice to see what your park looked like in the moonlight, so we decided to sneak in. I got separated from everyone else and happened to come[Pg 115] across you just as I was admiring how ghostly your house looked, and wondering if anyone would ever live there again. It looks like Macbeth's castle or a scene from an opera. Do you know anyone here?"

"Hardly a soul! Do you?"

"Hardly anyone! Do you?"

"No. Aunt Bluebell said it was our duty to come. It is easy for her to go out; she does not bear the burden of the conversation."

"No. Aunt Bluebell said we had to go. It’s easy for her to go out; she doesn’t have to deal with the conversation."

"I am sorry you find it a burden," said I. "Shall I go away?"

"I’m sorry you see it as a burden," I said. "Do you want me to leave?"

Miss Lammas looked at me with a sudden gravity in her beautiful eyes, and there was a sort of hesitation about the lines of her full, soft mouth.

Miss Lammas looked at me with sudden seriousness in her beautiful eyes, and there was a hesitation in the contours of her full, soft mouth.

"No," she said at last, quite simply, "don't go away. We may[Pg 116] like each other, if you stay a little longer—and we ought to, because we are neighbours in the country."

"No," she finally said, simply, "don't leave. We might[Pg 116] like each other if you stay a bit longer—and we should, since we’re neighbors in the countryside."

I suppose I ought to have thought Miss Lammas a very odd girl. There is, indeed, a sort of freemasonry between people who discover that they live near each other, and that they ought to have known each other before. But there was a sort of unexpected frankness and simplicity in the girl's amusing manner which would have struck any one else as being singular, to say the least of it. To me, however, it all seemed natural enough. I had dreamed of her face too long not to be utterly happy when I met her at last, and could talk to her as much as I pleased. To me, the man of ill luck in everything, the whole meeting seemed too good to be[Pg 117] true. I felt again that strange sensation of lightness which I had experienced after I had seen her face in the garden. The great rooms seemed brighter, life seemed worth living; my sluggish, melancholy blood ran faster, and filled me with a new sense of strength. I said to myself that without this woman I was but an imperfect being, but that with her I could accomplish everything to which I should set my hand. Like the great Doctor, when he thought he had cheated Mephistopheles at last, I could have cried aloud to the fleeting moment, Verweile doch, du bist so schön!

I guess I should have thought Miss Lammas was a really strange girl. There’s definitely a kind of bond between people who find out they live close to each other and feel like they should have known each other before. But there was a sort of surprising honesty and straightforwardness in the girl's entertaining manner that would have struck anyone else as quite unusual, to say the least. For me, though, it all felt natural enough. I had dreamed of her face for so long that I couldn't help but be incredibly happy when I finally met her and could talk to her as much as I wanted. For me, the guy who has bad luck in everything, the whole meeting felt almost too good to be true. I felt that same strange lightness I experienced after I saw her face in the garden. The big rooms seemed brighter, life felt worth living; my sluggish, gloomy blood started flowing faster, filling me with a new sense of strength. I told myself that without this woman, I was just an incomplete person, but with her, I could achieve anything I set my mind to. Like the great Doctor, when he thought he had finally outsmarted Mephistopheles, I could have shouted to the fleeting moment, Verweile doch, du bist so schön!

"Are you always gay?" I asked, suddenly. "How happy you must be!"

"Are you always cheerful?" I asked, out of nowhere. "You must be so happy!"

"The days would sometimes seem very long if I were gloomy,"[Pg 118] she answered, thoughtfully. "Yes, I think I find life very pleasant, and I tell it so."

"The days can feel really long when I'm feeling down,"[Pg 118] she replied, thinking. "Yeah, I actually find life pretty enjoyable, and I say that."

"How can you 'tell life' anything?" I inquired. "If I could catch my life and talk to it, I would abuse it prodigiously, I assure you."

"How can you 'tell life' anything?" I asked. "If I could grab my life and have a conversation with it, I would totally give it a hard time, I promise you."

"I daresay. You have a melancholy temper. You ought to live out of doors, dig potatoes, make hay, shoot, hunt, tumble into ditches, and come home muddy and hungry for dinner. It would be much better for you than moping in your rook tower, and hating everything."

"I have to say, you seem really gloomy. You should spend more time outside, digging in the dirt, making hay, shooting, hunting, falling into ditches, and coming home dirty and hungry for dinner. It would be way better for you than just sulking in your tower and feeling miserable about everything."

"It is rather lonely down there," I murmured, apologetically, feeling that Miss Lammas was quite right.

"It’s pretty lonely down there," I said softly, feeling like Miss Lammas was completely right.

"Then marry, and quarrel with[Pg 119] your wife," she laughed. "Anything is better than being alone."

"Then get married, and argue with[Pg 119] your wife," she laughed. "Anything is better than being alone."

"I am a very peaceable person. I never quarrel with anybody. You can try it. You will find it quite impossible."

"I’m a really easygoing person. I don’t argue with anyone. Go ahead and try it. You’ll see it’s pretty much impossible."

"Will you let me try?" she asked, still smiling.

"Can I give it a shot?" she asked, still smiling.

"By all means—especially if it is to be only a preliminary canter," I answered, rashly.

"Of course—especially if it’s just a quick warm-up," I replied, impulsively.

"What do you mean?" she inquired, turning quickly upon me.

"What do you mean?" she asked, turning quickly to face me.

"Oh—nothing. You might try my paces with a view to quarrelling in the future. I cannot imagine how you are going to do it. You will have to resort to immediate and direct abuse."

"Oh—nothing. You could try my methods with the intention of arguing later. I can't see how you're going to manage it. You'll need to resort to outright insults."

"No. I will only say that if you do not like your life, it is your own fault. How can a man[Pg 120] of your age talk of being melancholy, or of the hollowness of existence? Are you consumptive? Are you subject to hereditary insanity? Are you deaf, like Aunt Bluebell? Are you poor, like—lots of people? Have you been crossed in love? Have you lost the world for a woman, or any particular woman for the sake of the world? Are you feeble-minded, a cripple, an outcast? Are you—repulsively ugly?" She laughed again. "Is there any reason in the world why you should not enjoy all you have got in life?"

"No. I’ll only say that if you don’t like your life, it’s your own fault. How can a man[Pg 120] your age talk about being sad, or about the emptiness of life? Are you sickly? Do you have a family history of insanity? Are you deaf, like Aunt Bluebell? Are you poor, like—so many people? Have you been heartbroken? Have you sacrificed everything for a woman, or for a particular woman at the expense of everything else? Are you slow-minded, physically disabled, or an outcast? Are you—repulsively ugly?" She laughed again. "Is there any reason at all why you shouldn’t enjoy everything you have in life?"

"No. There is no reason whatever, except that I am dreadfully unlucky, especially in small things."

"No. There's absolutely no reason at all, except that I have the worst luck, particularly with little things."

"Then try big things, just for a change," suggested Miss Lammas. "Try and get married, for instance, and see how it turns out."[Pg 121]

"Then go for big things, just to shake things up," Miss Lammas suggested. "Try getting married, for example, and see how it goes."[Pg 121]

"If it turned out badly it would be rather serious."

"If it went wrong, it would be pretty serious."

"Not half so serious as it is to abuse everything unreasonably. If abuse is your particular talent, abuse something that ought to be abused. Abuse the Conservatives—or the Liberals—it does not matter which, since they are always abusing each other. Make yourself felt by other people. You will like it, if they don't. It will make a man of you. Fill your mouth with pebbles, and howl at the sea, if you cannot do anything else. It did Demosthenes no end of good you know. You will have the satisfaction of imitating a great man."

"Not nearly as serious as it is to irrationally criticize everything. If criticism is your special skill, go after something that deserves it. Criticize the Conservatives—or the Liberals—it doesn’t really matter which, since they’re always tearing each other down. Make your presence known to others. You’ll enjoy it, even if they don’t. It will build your character. Fill your mouth with stones and scream at the ocean if you can’t think of anything else. It did wonders for Demosthenes, you know. You’ll get the satisfaction of emulating a great man."

"Really, Miss Lammas, I think the list of innocent exercises you propose——"

"Honestly, Miss Lammas, I believe the list of harmless activities you suggest——"

"Very well—if you don't care[Pg 122] for that sort of thing, care for some other sort of thing. Care for something, or hate something. Don't be idle. Life is short, and though art may be long, plenty of noise answers nearly as well."

"Alright—if you don't care[Pg 122] about that, care about something else. Care about something, or hate something. Don't just sit around. Life is short, and while art may take a while, a lot of noise works almost just as well."

"I do care for something—I mean, somebody," I said.

"I do care about something—I mean, someone," I said.

"A woman? Then marry her. Don't hesitate."

"A woman? Then marry her. Don't think twice."

"I do not know whether she would marry me," I replied. "I have never asked her."

"I don’t know if she would marry me," I replied. "I’ve never asked her."

"Then ask her at once," answered Miss Lammas. "I shall die happy if I feel I have persuaded a melancholy fellow-creature to rouse himself to action. Ask her, by all means, and see what she says. If she does not accept you at once, she may take you the next time. Meanwhile, you will have entered for the race.[Pg 123] If you lose, there are the 'All-aged Trial Stakes,' and the 'Consolation Race.'"

"Then just ask her right away," replied Miss Lammas. "I’ll be happy if I feel like I’ve encouraged someone who's feeling down to take action. Go ahead and ask her, and see what she thinks. If she doesn’t say yes immediately, she might change her mind next time. In the meantime, you’ll be in the running.[Pg 123] If you don’t win, there are the 'All-aged Trial Stakes' and the 'Consolation Race.'"

"And plenty of selling races into the bargain. Shall I take you at your word, Miss Lammas?"

"And a lot of selling races included. Should I take your word for it, Miss Lammas?"

"I hope you will," she answered.

"I hope you will," she replied.

"Since you yourself advise me, I will. Miss Lammas, will you do me the honour to marry me?"

"Since you’re the one giving me advice, I will. Miss Lammas, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

For the first time in my life the blood rushed to my head and my sight swam. I cannot tell why I said it. It would be useless to try to explain the extraordinary fascination the girl exercised over me, nor the still more extraordinary feeling of intimacy with her which had grown in me during that half-hour. Lonely, sad, unlucky as I had been all my life, I was certainly not timid, nor even shy. But to propose to marry a woman[Pg 124] after half an hour's acquaintance was a piece of madness of which I never believed myself capable, and of which I should never be capable again, could I be placed in the same situation. It was as though my whole being had been changed in a moment by magic—by the white magic of her nature brought into contact with mine. The blood sank back to my heart, and a moment later I found myself staring at her with anxious eyes. To my amazement she was as calm as ever, but her beautiful mouth smiled, and there was a mischievous light in her dark-brown eyes.

For the first time in my life, blood rushed to my head and my vision blurred. I can’t explain why I said it. It would be pointless to describe the incredible allure this girl had over me, or the even more surprising sense of closeness I felt to her during that half-hour. Lonely, sad, and unlucky as I had been my whole life, I was definitely not timid or shy. But the idea of proposing to marry a woman[Pg 124] after just thirty minutes of knowing her felt like pure madness—something I never thought I could do, and that I wouldn’t be able to do again, even if I were in the same situation. It was as if my whole being had suddenly transformed by magic—by the gentle magic of her nature meeting mine. The blood retreated back to my heart, and moments later, I found myself looking at her with anxious eyes. To my surprise, she remained as calm as ever, but her beautiful mouth smiled, and there was a playful glint in her dark-brown eyes.

"Fairly caught," she answered. "For an individual who pretends to be listless and sad you are not lacking in humour. I had really not the least idea what you were[Pg 125] going to say. Wouldn't it be singularly awkward for you if I had said 'Yes'? I never saw anybody begin to practise so sharply what was preached to him—with so very little loss of time!"

"Fairly caught," she replied. "For someone who acts so apathetic and gloomy, you sure have a good sense of humor. I had no idea what you were[Pg 125] going to say. Wouldn't it have been incredibly awkward for you if I had said 'Yes'? I've never seen anyone start to live out what they preach so quickly—with almost no time wasted!"

"You probably never met a man who had dreamed of you for seven months before being introduced."

"You probably never met a guy who had dreamed about you for seven months before getting introduced."

"No, I never did," she answered, gaily. "It smacks of the romantic. Perhaps you are a romantic character, after all. I should think you were if I believed you. Very well; you have taken my advice, entered for a Stranger's Race and lost it. Try the All-aged Trial Stakes. You have another cuff, and a pencil. Propose to Aunt Bluebell; she would dance with astonishment, and she might recover her hearing."

"No, I never did," she replied cheerfully. "It sounds romantic. Maybe you are a romantic person after all. I would think so if I believed you. Alright; you took my advice, signed up for a Stranger's Race, and lost. Try the All-aged Trial Stakes next. You have another chance and a pencil. Ask Aunt Bluebell; she would be shocked and might even regain her hearing."


III.

That was how I first asked Margaret Lammas to be my wife, and I will agree with any one who says I behaved very foolishly. But I have not repented of it, and I never shall. I have long ago understood that I was out of my mind that evening, but I think my temporary insanity on that occasion has had the effect of making me a saner man ever since. Her manner turned my head, for it was so different from what I had expected. To hear this lovely creature, who, in my imagination, was a heroine of romance, if not of tragedy, talking[Pg 127] familiarly and laughing readily was more than my equanimity could bear, and I lost my head as well as my heart. But when I went back to England in the spring, I went to make certain arrangements at the Castle—certain changes and improvements which would be absolutely necessary. I had won the race for which I had entered myself so rashly, and we were to be married in June.

That was how I first asked Margaret Lammas to be my wife, and I’ll agree with anyone who says I acted really foolishly. But I have no regrets about it, and I never will. I realized long ago that I was out of my mind that evening, but I think that moment of temporary madness has made me a clearer thinker ever since. Her attitude threw me off completely, since it was so different from what I had expected. Hearing this beautiful woman, who in my mind was a heroine of romance, if not tragedy, speaking casually and laughing easily was more than I could handle, and I lost both my head and my heart. But when I went back to England in the spring, I went to make certain arrangements at the Castle—certain changes and improvements that were absolutely necessary. I had won the race I entered so rashly, and we were set to get married in June.

Whether the change was due to the orders I had left with the gardener and the rest of the servants, or to my own state of mind, I cannot tell. At all events, the old place did not look the same to me when I opened my window on the morning after my arrival. There were the grey walls below me, and the grey turrets flanking the huge building;[Pg 128] there were the fountains, the marble causeways, the smooth basins, the tall box hedges, the water-lilies and the swans, just as of old. But there was something else there, too—something in the air, in the water, and in the greenness that I did not recognise—a light over everything by which everything was transfigured. The clock in the tower struck seven, and the strokes of the ancient bell sounded like a wedding chime. The air sang with the thrilling treble of the songbirds, with the silvery music of the plashing water and the softer harmony of the leaves stirred by the fresh morning wind. There was a smell of new-mown hay from the distant meadows, and of blooming roses from the beds below, wafted up together to my[Pg 129] window. I stood in the pure sunshine and drank the air and all the sounds and the odours that were in it; and I looked down at my garden and said: "It is Paradise, after all." I think the men of old were right when they called heaven a garden, and Eden, a garden inhabited by one man and one woman, the Earthly Paradise.

Whether the change was due to the orders I had given to the gardener and the other staff, or my own mindset, I can't say. Either way, the old place didn't look the same to me when I opened my window the morning after I arrived. There were the grey walls below me, and the grey turrets flanking the massive building;[Pg 128] there were the fountains, the marble walkways, the smooth basins, the tall box hedges, the water lilies, and the swans, just like before. But there was something else there, too—something in the air, in the water, and in the greenery that I didn't recognize—a light over everything that transformed it all. The clock in the tower struck seven, and the sound of the ancient bell rang like a wedding chime. The air was filled with the vibrant song of the birds, the silvery music of the splashing water, and the gentle rustle of the leaves stirred by the fresh morning breeze. There was a scent of freshly cut hay from the distant fields, and blooming roses from the beds below, wafting up to my[Pg 129] window. I stood in the bright sunshine, soaking in the air, the sounds, and the scents around me; and I looked down at my garden and said, "It really is Paradise, after all." I think the ancients were right when they called heaven a garden, and Eden, a garden inhabited by a man and a woman, the Earthly Paradise.

I turned away, wondering what had become of the gloomy memories I had always associated with my home. I tried to recall the impression of my nurse's horrible prophecy before the death of my parents—an impression which hitherto had been vivid enough. I tried to remember my old self, my dejection, my listlessness, my bad luck, and my petty disappointments. I endeavoured to force myself to think as I used to[Pg 130] think, if only to satisfy myself that I had not lost my individuality. But I succeeded in none of these efforts. I was a different man, a changed being, incapable of sorrow, of ill luck, or of sadness. My life had been a dream, not evil, but infinitely gloomy and hopeless. It was now a reality, full of hope, gladness, and all manner of good. My home had been like a tomb; to-day it was paradise. My heart had been as though it had not existed; to-day it beat with strength and youth, and the certainty of realised happiness. I revelled in the beauty of the world, and called loveliness out of the future to enjoy it before time should bring it to me, as a traveller in the plains looks up to the mountains, and already[Pg 131] tastes the cool air through the dust of the road.

I turned away, wondering what had happened to the dark memories I always associated with my home. I tried to recall the impact of my nurse's terrible prophecy before my parents died—an impression that had been so clear until now. I aimed to remember my former self, my sadness, my lethargy, my bad luck, and my small disappointments. I struggled to think like I used to, just to reassure myself that I hadn't lost who I was. But I didn’t succeed in any of these attempts. I was a different man, a changed person, unable to feel sorrow, bad luck, or sadness. My life had been a dream, not bad, but deeply gloomy and hopeless. Now it was reality, filled with hope, joy, and all kinds of good things. My home had felt like a tomb; today it felt like paradise. My heart had felt nonexistent; now it beat with strength and vitality, full of realized happiness. I reveled in the beauty of the world, summoning joy from the future to experience it before time brought it to me, like a traveler on the plains looking up at the mountains, already tasting the cool air through the dust of the road.

Here, I thought, we will live and live for years. There we will sit by the fountain towards evening and in the deep moonlight. Down those paths we will wander together. On those benches we will rest and talk. Among those eastern hills we will ride through the soft twilight, and in the old house we will tell tales on winter nights, when the logs burn high, and the holly berries are red, and the old clock tolls out the dying year. On these old steps, in these dark passages and stately rooms, there will one day be the sound of little pattering feet, and laughing child-voices will ring up to the vaults of the ancient hall. Those tiny footsteps shall not be slow[Pg 132] and sad as mine were, nor shall the childish words be spoken in an awed whisper. No gloomy Welshwoman shall people the dusky corners with weird horrors, nor utter horrid prophecies of death and ghastly things. All shall be young, and fresh, and joyful, and happy, and we will turn the old luck again, and forget that there was ever any sadness.

Here, I thought, we will live and thrive for years. There we will sit by the fountain in the evening and under the bright moonlight. Down those paths, we will stroll together. On those benches, we will relax and chat. Among those eastern hills, we will ride through the soft twilight, and in the old house, we will share stories on winter nights, when the logs burn brightly, the holly berries are red, and the old clock chimes as the year comes to an end. On these old steps, in these dim hallways and grand rooms, there will one day be the sound of little pattering feet, and the joyful voices of children will echo up to the ceilings of the ancient hall. Those tiny footsteps won't be slow and sad like mine were, nor will the children's words be spoken in hushed tones. No gloomy Welshwoman will haunt the shadowy corners with strange horrors or share dreadful prophecies of death and terrifying things. Everything will be young, fresh, joyful, and happy, and we will turn the old luck around and forget that there was ever any sadness.

So I thought, as I looked out of my window that morning and for many mornings after that, and every day it all seemed more real than ever before, and much nearer. But the old nurse looked at me askance, and muttered odd sayings about the Woman of the Water. I cared little what she said, for I was far too happy.

So I thought, as I looked out of my window that morning and for many mornings after, and every day it felt more real than ever before, and much closer. But the old nurse looked at me strangely and muttered weird things about the Woman of the Water. I didn’t care much about what she said, because I was way too happy.

At last the time came near for the wedding. Lady Bluebell and[Pg 133] all the tribe of Bluebells, as Margaret called them, were at Bluebell Grange, for we had determined to be married in the country, and to come straight to the Castle afterwards. We cared little for travelling, and not at all for a crowded ceremony at St. George's in Hanover Square, with all the tiresome formalities afterwards. I used to ride over to the Grange every day, and very often Margaret would come with her aunt and some of her cousins to the Castle. I was suspicious of my own taste, and was only too glad to let her have her way about the alterations and improvements in our home.

At last, the time for the wedding was approaching. Lady Bluebell and[Pg 133] all the Bluebells, as Margaret called them, were at Bluebell Grange, since we had decided to get married in the countryside and then head straight to the Castle afterwards. We didn’t care much for traveling, and we weren’t interested at all in a crowded ceremony at St. George's in Hanover Square, with all the annoying formalities that would follow. I went to the Grange every day, and often Margaret would come with her aunt and some of her cousins to the Castle. I was doubtful about my taste, and I was more than happy to let her take charge of the changes and improvements in our home.

We were to be married on the thirtieth of July, and on the evening of the twenty-eighth Margaret drove over with some of the Bluebell[Pg 134] party. In the long summer twilight we all went out into the garden. Naturally enough, Margaret and I were left to ourselves, and we wandered down by the marble basins.

We were set to get married on July thirtieth, and on the evening of the twenty-eighth, Margaret arrived with some friends from the Bluebell[Pg 134] party. In the long summer twilight, we all went out into the garden. As expected, Margaret and I ended up alone, and we strolled down by the marble basins.

"It is an odd coincidence," I said; "it was on this very night last year that I first saw you."

"It’s a strange coincidence," I said; "it was on this exact night last year that I first met you."

"Considering that it is the month of July," answered Margaret with a laugh, "and that we have been here almost every day, I don't think the coincidence is so extraordinary, after all."

"Given that it's July," Margaret replied with a laugh, "and that we've been here almost every day, I don't think the coincidence is that remarkable, really."

"No, dear," said I, "I suppose not. I don't know why it struck me. We shall very likely be here a year from to-day, and a year from that. The odd thing, when I think of it, is that you should be here at all. But my luck has turned. I ought not to think anything[Pg 135] odd that happens now that I have you. It is all sure to be good."

"No, sweetheart," I said, "I guess not. I'm not sure why it came to mind. We’ll probably be here a year from today, and a year after that. The strange thing, when I think about it, is that you’re here at all. But my luck has changed. I shouldn’t find anything[Pg 135] odd that happens now that I have you. Everything is bound to be good."

"A slight change in your ideas since that remarkable performance of yours in Paris," said Margaret. "Do you know, I thought you were the most extraordinary man I had ever met."

"A little shift in your thoughts since that amazing performance of yours in Paris," said Margaret. "You know, I thought you were the most incredible man I'd ever met."

"I thought you were the most charming woman I had ever seen. I naturally did not want to lose any time in frivolities. I took you at your word, I followed your advice, I asked you to marry me, and this is the delightful result—what's the matter?"

"I thought you were the most charming woman I had ever seen. I definitely didn't want to waste any time on nonsense. I took you seriously, followed your advice, asked you to marry me, and look at this wonderful outcome—what's wrong?"

Margaret had started suddenly, and her hand tightened on my arm. An old woman was coming up the path, and was close to us before we saw her, for the moon had risen, and was shining full in[Pg 136] our faces. The woman turned out to be my old nurse.

Margaret jumped suddenly, her grip on my arm tightening. An old woman was approaching along the path, getting close to us before we noticed her because the moon had risen and was shining directly in[Pg 136] our faces. It turned out to be my old nurse.

"It's only old Judith, dear—don't be frightened," I said. Then I spoke to the Welshwoman: "What are you about, Judith? Have you been feeding the Woman of the Water?"

"It's just old Judith, dear—don't be scared," I said. Then I asked the Welshwoman, "What are you up to, Judith? Have you been feeding the Woman of the Water?"

"Ay—when the clock strikes, Willie—my lord, I mean," muttered the old creature, drawing aside to let us pass, and fixing her strange eyes on Margaret's face.

“Ay—when the clock strikes, Willie—my lord, I mean,” murmured the old woman, stepping aside to let us pass and staring with her unusual eyes at Margaret's face.

"What does she mean?" asked Margaret, when we had gone by.

"What does she mean?" asked Margaret as we walked past.

"Nothing, darling. The old thing is mildly crazy, but she is a good soul."

"Nothing, darling. The old thing is a bit crazy, but she has a good heart."

We went on in silence for a few moments, and came to the rustic bridge just above the artificial grotto through which the water ran out into the park, dark[Pg 137] and swift in its narrow channel. We stopped, and leaned on the wooden rail. The moon was now behind us, and shone full upon the long vista of basins and on the huge walls and towers of the Castle above.

We continued in silence for a few moments and reached the rustic bridge just above the artificial grotto where the water flowed out into the park, dark[Pg 137] and swift in its narrow channel. We paused and leaned on the wooden railing. The moon was now behind us, shining brightly on the long line of basins and the massive walls and towers of the Castle above.

"How proud you ought to be of such a grand old place!" said Margaret, softly.

"How proud you should be of such a great old place!" said Margaret, softly.

"It is yours now, darling," I answered. "You have as good a right to love it as I—but I only love it because you are to live in it, dear."

"It’s yours now, sweetheart,” I replied. “You have every right to love it just like I do—but I only love it because you’re going to live in it, my dear.”

Her hand stole out and lay on mine, and we were both silent. Just then the clock began to strike far off in the tower. I counted—eight—nine—ten—eleven—I looked at my watch—twelve—thirteen—I laughed. The bell went on striking.[Pg 138]

Her hand reached out and rested on mine, and we both stayed quiet. At that moment, the clock in the tower started to chime. I counted—eight—nine—ten—eleven—I glanced at my watch—twelve—thirteen—I laughed. The bell kept ringing.[Pg 138]

"The old clock has gone crazy, like Judith," I exclaimed. Still it went on, note after note ringing out monotonously through the still air. We leaned over the rail, instinctively looking in the direction whence the sound came. On and on it went. I counted nearly a hundred, out of sheer curiosity, for I understood that something had broken, and that the thing was running itself down.

"The old clock has gone nuts, like Judith," I said. Still, it kept going, note after note ringing out monotonously through the quiet air. We leaned over the railing, instinctively looking in the direction the sound was coming from. It just kept going. I counted nearly a hundred, out of pure curiosity, because I realized something was broken, and the clock was winding down on its own.

Suddenly there was a crack as of breaking wood, a cry and a heavy splash, and I was alone, clinging to the broken end of the rail of the rustic bridge.

Suddenly, there was a loud crack like breaking wood, followed by a cry and a heavy splash, and I found myself alone, holding on to the shattered end of the rail of the rustic bridge.

I do not think I hesitated while my pulse beat twice. I sprang clear of the bridge into the black rushing water, dived to the bottom, came up again with empty hands, turned and swam downwards[Pg 139] through the grotto in the thick darkness, plunging and diving at every stroke, striking my head and hands against jagged stones and sharp corners, clutching at last something in my fingers, and dragging it up with all my might. I spoke, I cried aloud, but there was no answer. I was alone in the pitchy blackness with my burden, and the house was five hundred yards away. Struggling still, I felt the ground beneath my feet, I saw a ray of moonlight—the grotto widened, and the deep water became a broad and shallow brook as I stumbled over the stones and at last laid Margaret's body on the bank in the park beyond.

I don’t think I hesitated while my heart raced. I jumped off the bridge into the dark, rushing water, dove to the bottom, came up with empty hands, then turned and swam down through the grotto in the thick darkness, plunging and diving with every stroke, hitting my head and hands against sharp stones and corners. Finally, I grabbed something with my fingers and pulled it up with all my strength. I spoke and shouted, but there was no response. I was alone in the pitch-black darkness with my burden, and the house was five hundred yards away. Still struggling, I felt the ground beneath my feet, saw a ray of moonlight—the grotto opened up, and the deep water turned into a wide, shallow brook as I stumbled over the stones and finally laid Margaret's body on the bank in the park beyond.[Pg 139]

"Ay, Willie, as the clock struck!" said the voice of Judith, the Welsh nurse, as she bent down[Pg 140] and looked at the white face. The old woman must have turned back and followed us, seen the accident, and slipped out by the lower gate of the garden. "Ay," she groaned, "you have fed the Woman of the Water this night, Willie, while the clock was striking."

"Aye, Willie, just as the clock struck!" said Judith, the Welsh nurse, as she leaned down[Pg 140] and looked at the pale face. The old woman must have turned back and followed us, witnessed the accident, and slipped out through the lower gate of the garden. "Aye," she groaned, "you’ve fed the Woman of the Water tonight, Willie, while the clock was striking."

I scarcely heard her as I knelt beside the lifeless body of the woman I loved, chafing the wet white temples, and gazing wildly into the wide-staring eyes. I remember only the first returning look of consciousness, the first heaving breath, the first movement of those dear hands stretching out towards me.

I could barely hear her as I knelt beside the lifeless body of the woman I loved, rubbing her damp white temples and staring frantically into her wide-open eyes. I only remember the first sign of consciousness returning, the first deep breath, and the first movement of those dear hands reaching out to me.


That is not much of a story, you say. It is the story of my life. That is all. It does not[Pg 141] pretend to be anything else. Old Judith says my luck turned on that summer's night, when I was struggling in the water to save all that was worth living for. A month later there was a stone bridge above the grotto, and Margaret and I stood on it and looked up at the moonlit Castle, as we had done once before, and as we have done many times since. For all those things happened ten years ago last summer, and this is the tenth Christmas Eve we have spent together by the roaring logs in the old hall, talking of old times; and every year there are more old times to talk of. There are curly-headed boys, too, with red-gold hair and dark-brown eyes like their mother's, and a little Margaret, with solemn black eyes like mine. Why could not she[Pg 142] look like her mother, too, as well as the rest of them?

That’s not much of a story, you say. It’s the story of my life. That’s all. It doesn’t[Pg 141] pretend to be anything else. Old Judith says my luck changed on that summer night when I was struggling in the water to save everything worth living for. A month later, there was a stone bridge above the grotto, and Margaret and I stood on it, looking up at the moonlit Castle, just like we had done once before, and as we’ve done many times since. All those things happened ten years ago last summer, and this is the tenth Christmas Eve we’ve spent together by the roaring logs in the old hall, talking about the past; and every year, there are more memories to share. There are curly-headed boys, too, with red-gold hair and dark-brown eyes like their mother's, and a little Margaret, with serious black eyes like mine. Why couldn’t she[Pg 142] look like her mother too, just like the rest of them?

The world is very bright at this glorious Christmas time, and perhaps there is little use in calling up the sadness of long ago, unless it be to make the jolly firelight seem more cheerful, the good wife's face look gladder, and to give the children's laughter a merrier ring, by contrast with all that is gone. Perhaps, too, some sad-faced, listless, melancholy youth, who feels that the world is very hollow, and that life is like a perpetual funeral service, just as I used to feel myself, may take courage from my example, and having found the woman of his heart, ask her to marry him after half an hour's acquaintance. But, on the whole, I would not advise any man to marry, for the[Pg 143] simple reason that no man will ever find a wife like mine, and being obliged to go further, he will necessarily fare worse. My wife has done miracles, but I will not assert that any other woman is able to follow her example.

The world feels so bright during this wonderful Christmas time, and maybe there's no point in bringing up the sadness of the past, unless it's to make the cozy firelight seem even cheerier, to make my wife's face look happier, and to give the children's laughter a more joyful sound by contrasting it with everything that's gone. Perhaps, too, some sad, aimless, melancholic young man, who feels like the world is really empty and that life is just one long funeral, just like I used to feel, might find inspiration in my story and, after only knowing the woman of his dreams for half an hour, ask her to marry him. But overall, I wouldn't recommend any man to get married, for the[Pg 143] simple reason that no man will ever find a wife like mine, and if he has to look elsewhere, he will surely end up worse off. My wife has done wonders, but I won’t claim that any other woman can live up to her example.

Margaret always said that the old place was beautiful, and that I ought to be proud of it. I daresay she is right. She has even more imagination than I. But I have a good answer and a plain one, which is this—that all the beauty of the Castle comes from her. She has breathed upon it all, as the children blow upon the cold glass window-panes in winter; and as their warm breath crystallises into landscapes from fairyland, full of exquisite shapes and traceries upon the blank surface, so her spirit has transformed[Pg 144] every grey stone of the old towers, every ancient tree and hedge in the gardens, every thought in my once melancholy self. All that was old is young, and all that was sad is glad, and I am the gladdest of all. Whatever heaven may be, there is no earthly paradise without woman, nor is there anywhere a place so desolate, so dreary, so unutterably miserable that a woman cannot make it seem heaven to the man she loves and who loves her.

Margaret always said that the old place was beautiful and that I should be proud of it. I suppose she's right. She has even more imagination than I do. But I have a straightforward and honest answer, which is this—that all the beauty of the Castle comes from her. She has brought it to life, just like children blow on cold glass windowpanes in winter; and just as their warm breath creates magical landscapes full of beautiful shapes on the blank surface, her spirit has transformed[Pg 144] every gray stone of the old towers, every ancient tree, and hedge in the gardens, and every thought in my once gloomy self. Everything that was old is now young, and everything that was sad is now happy, and I am the happiest of all. No matter what heaven may be, there is no earthly paradise without a woman, nor is there anywhere so desolate, dreary, or unbearably miserable that a woman cannot make it feel like heaven to the man she loves and who loves her.

I hear certain cynics laugh, and cry that all that has been said before. Do not laugh, my good cynic. You are too small a man to laugh at such a great thing as love. Prayers have been said before now by many, and perhaps you say yours, too. I do not think they lose anything by being[Pg 145] repeated, nor you by repeating them. You say that the world is bitter, and full of the Waters of Bitterness. Love, and so live that you may be loved—the world will turn sweet for you, and you shall rest like me by the Waters of Paradise.

I hear some cynics laughing and saying that all this has already been said before. Don’t laugh, my cynical friend. You’re too small-minded to scoff at something as significant as love. Many prayers have been offered before, and maybe you offer yours as well. I don’t believe they lose anything by being[Pg 145] repeated, nor do you by repeating them. You claim that the world is bitter and filled with bitterness. Love, and live in a way that allows you to be loved—the world will become sweet for you, and you will find peace like I do by the Waters of Paradise.


THE INCOGNITO LIBRARY.

A series of small books by representative writers, whose names will for the present not be given.

A collection of short books by notable authors, whose names will not be disclosed for now.

In this series will be included the authorized American editions of the future issues of Mr. Unwin's "Pseudonym Library," which has won for itself a noteworthy prestige.

In this series, we will include the official American editions of the upcoming releases of Mr. Unwin's "Alias Library," which has gained significant prestige.

I. The Shen's Pigtail, and other cues of Anglo-China Life, by Mr. M——.

I. The Shen's braid, and other aspects of Anglo-Chinese Life, by Mr. M——.

II. Young Sam and Sabina, by the author of "Gentleman Upcott's Daughter."

II. Sam and Sabina, by the author of "Gentleman Upcott's Daughter."

These will be followed by

These will be followed by

The Hon. Stanbury and Others, by Two.

The Hon. Stanbury and Others, by Two.

Helen, by Vocs.

Helen, by Vocs.

Lesser's Daughter, etc.

Lesser's Daughter, etc.

32mo, limp cloth, each 50 cents.

32mo, soft cover, each 50 cents.




        
        
    
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