This is a modern-English version of Henry IV, Part 1, originally written by Shakespeare, William. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

Scroll to the bottom of this page and you will find a free ePUB download link for this book.

Henry the Sixt

Henry VI

Executive Director's Notes:

Director's Notes:

In addition to the notes below, and so you will *NOT* think all the spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time have been corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as they are presented herein:

In addition to the notes below, and so you will *NOT* think all the spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time have been corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as they are presented here:

  Barnardo. Who's there?
  Fran. Nay answer me: Stand & vnfold
your selfe

Barnardo. Who's there?
  Fran. No, answer me: Stand and unfold
yourself.

Bar. Long liue the King

Bar. Long live the King

***

Understood! Please provide the text you would like me to modernize.

As I understand it, the printers often ran out of certain words or letters they had often packed into a "cliche". . .this is the original meaning of the term cliche. . .and thus, being unwilling to unpack the cliches, and thus you will see some substitutions that look very odd. . .such as the exchanges of u for v, v for u, above. . .and you may wonder why they did it this way, presuming Shakespeare did not actually write the play in this manner. . . .

As I see it, printers often ran out of certain words or letters they frequently packed into a "cliché." This is the original meaning of the term cliché. Because they were unwilling to unpack the clichés, you’ll notice some substitutions that look really strange, like the switches of u for v and v for u mentioned above. You might wonder why they did it this way, assuming Shakespeare didn't actually write the play like that.

The answer is that they MAY have packed "liue" into a cliche at a time when they were out of "v"'s. . .possibly having used "vv" in place of some "w"'s, etc. This was a common practice of the day, as print was still quite expensive, and they didn't want to spend more on a wider selection of characters than they had to.

The answer is that they MAY have packed "live" into a cliche at a time when they were out of "v"s…possibly having used "vv" instead of some "w"s, etc. This was a common practice back then, as printing was still pretty expensive, and they didn’t want to spend more on a wider selection of characters than necessary.

You will find a lot of these kinds of "errors" in this text, as I have mentioned in other times and places, many "scholars" have an extreme attachment to these errors, and many have accorded them a very high place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My father read an assortment of these made available to him by Cambridge University in England for several months in a glass room constructed for the purpose. To the best of my knowledge he read ALL those available . . .in great detail. . .and determined from the various changes, that Shakespeare most likely did not write in nearly as many of a variety of errors we credit him for, even though he was in/famous for signing his name with several different spellings.

You’ll find plenty of these kinds of "errors" in this text. As I’ve said before, many "scholars" have a strong attachment to these errors, and a lot of them have given them a prominent place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My dad read a collection of these made available to him by Cambridge University in England for several months in a glass room built for that purpose. To the best of my knowledge, he read ALL of those available...in great detail...and concluded from the various changes that Shakespeare likely didn’t write nearly as many different errors as we attribute to him, even though he was known for signing his name with several different spellings.

So, please take this into account when reading the comments below made by our volunteer who prepared this file: you may see errors that are "not" errors. . . .

So, please keep this in mind when reading the comments below made by our volunteer who prepared this file: you might notice mistakes that aren't really mistakes...

***

Understood! Please provide the text to be modernized.

Scanner's Notes: What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of Shakespeare's first folio and it is as close as I can come in ASCII to the printed text.

Scanner's Notes: What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of Shakespeare's first folio, and it's as close as I can get in ASCII to the printed text.

The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and the conjoined ae have been changed to ae. I have left the spelling, punctuation, capitalization as close as possible to the printed text. I have corrected some spelling mistakes (I have put together a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings of the Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have unified spellings according to this template), typo's and expanded abbreviations as I have come across them. Everything within brackets [] is what I have added. So if you don't like that you can delete everything within the brackets if you want a purer Shakespeare.

The long S's have been changed to small s's, and the combined ae have been changed to ae. I've kept the spelling, punctuation, and capitalization as close as possible to the printed text. I've fixed some spelling mistakes (I created a spelling dictionary based on the spellings of the Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have standardized spellings according to this guide), typos, and expanded abbreviations as I found them. Everything in brackets [] is what I've added. So if you don't like that, you can remove everything within the brackets if you want a more authentic version of Shakespeare.

Another thing that you should be aware of is that there are textual differences between various copies of the first folio. So there may be differences (other than what I have mentioned above) between this and other first folio editions. This is due to the printer's habit of setting the type and running off a number of copies and then proofing the printed copy and correcting the type and then continuing the printing run. The proof run wasn't thrown away but incorporated into the printed copies. This is just the way it is. The text I have used was a composite of more than 30 different First Folio editions' best pages.

Another thing you should know is that there are text differences among various copies of the first folio. So, there might be differences (besides what I mentioned earlier) between this and other first folio editions. This stems from the printer's practice of setting the type, running off several copies, then proofreading the printed copy and correcting the type before continuing the printing run. The proof copies weren’t discarded but were included in the printed copies. That’s simply how it is. The text I used was a combination of the best pages from over 30 different First Folio editions.

David Reed

David Reed

The First Part of Henry the Fourth

The First Part of Henry the Fourth

with the Life and Death of Henry Sirnamed Hot-Spvrre

with the Life and Death of Henry Nicknamed Hotspur

Actus Primus. Scoena Prima.

Act One. Scene One.

Enter the King, Lord Iohn of Lancaster, Earle of Westmerland, with others.

Enter King, Lord John of Lancaster, Earl of Westmorland, with others.

  King. So shaken as we are, so wan with care,
Finde we a time for frighted Peace to pant,
And breath shortwinded accents of new broils
To be commenc'd in Stronds a-farre remote:
No more the thirsty entrance of this Soile,
Shall daube her lippes with her owne childrens blood:
No more shall trenching Warre channell her fields,
Nor bruise her Flowrets with the Armed hoofes
Of hostile paces. Those opposed eyes,
Which like the Meteors of a troubled Heauen,
All of one Nature, of one Substance bred,
Did lately meete in the intestine shocke,
And furious cloze of ciuill Butchery,
Shall now in mutuall well-beseeming rankes
March all one way, and be no more oppos'd
Against Acquaintance, Kindred, and Allies.
The edge of Warre, like an ill-sheathed knife,
No more shall cut his Master. Therefore Friends,
As farre as to the Sepulcher of Christ,
Whose Souldier now vnder whose blessed Crosse
We are impressed and ingag'd to fight,
Forthwith a power of English shall we leuie,
Whose armes were moulded in their Mothers wombe,
To chace these Pagans in those holy Fields,
Ouer whose Acres walk'd those blessed feete
Which fourteene hundred yeares ago were nail'd
For our aduantage on the bitter Crosse.
But this our purpose is a tweluemonth old,
And bootlesse 'tis to tell you we will go:
Therefore we meete not now. Then let me heare
Of you my gentle Cousin Westmerland,
What yesternight our Councell did decree,
In forwarding this deere expedience

King. We are so shaken and worn down with worry,
That we find time for scared Peace to catch her breath,
And speak in quick, hushed tones about new conflicts
That are about to start in distant lands:
No longer will this land's thirsty entrance,
Stain its lips with the blood of its own children:
No more will fierce War carve channels in her fields,
Or trample her flowers with the armed hooves
Of invading armies. Those opposing eyes,
Like meteors in a troubled sky,
Made of the same nature and same substance,
Recently clashed in the brutal shock,
And violent close of civil slaughter,
Shall now march together in mutual ranks
And face the same direction, no longer divided
Against friends, family, and allies.
The edge of War, like a poorly sheathed knife,
Will no longer harm its wielder. So, friends,
As far as to the tomb of Christ,
Under whose blessed cross
We are bound to fight,
We will quickly gather an army of English,
Whose arms were formed in their mothers' wombs,
To chase these pagans in those holy fields,
Over whose land walked those blessed feet
That were nailed for our benefit
On the bitter cross fourteen hundred years ago.
But this plan is a year old,
And it's pointless to say we will go:
So let's not meet now. Let me hear
From you, my dear cousin Westmerland,
What our council decided last night,
In moving this important mission forward.

   West. My Liege: This haste was hot in question,
And many limits of the Charge set downe
But yesternight: when all athwart there came
A Post from Wales, loaden with heauy Newes;
Whose worst was, That the Noble Mortimer,
Leading the men of Herefordshire to fight
Against the irregular and wilde Glendower,
Was by the rude hands of that Welshman taken,
And a thousand of his people butchered:
Vpon whose dead corpes there was such misuse,
Such beastly, shamelesse transformation,
By those Welshwomen done, as may not be
(Without much shame) re-told or spoken of

West. My Lord: This urgency was seriously debated,
And many limits of the Charges set last night
When suddenly there arrived
A messenger from Wales, burdened with heavy news;
The worst news was that the noble Mortimer,
Leading the men of Herefordshire into battle
Against the unruly and wild Glendower,
Was captured by that Welshman,
And a thousand of his men were slaughtered;
Upon whose dead bodies there was such abuse,
Such disgusting, shameless transformation,
By those Welsh women, as cannot possibly be
(Without great shame) repeated or spoken of.

   King. It seemes then, that the tidings of this broile,
Brake off our businesse for the Holy land

King. It seems then, that the news of this conflict,
Interrupted our plans for the Holy Land

   West. This matcht with other like, my gracious Lord,
Farre more vneuen and vnwelcome Newes
Came from the North, and thus it did report:
On Holy-roode day, the gallant Hotspurre there,
Young Harry Percy, and braue Archibald,
That euer-valiant and approoued Scot,
At Holmeden met, where they did spend
A sad and bloody houre:
As by discharge of their Artillerie,
And shape of likely-hood the newes was told:
For he that brought them, in the very heate
And pride of their contention, did take horse,
Vncertaine of the issue any way

West. This matches with other news, my gracious Lord,
Much more uneven and unwelcome news
Came from the North, and here's what it reported:
On Holyrood Day, the brave Hotspur there,
Young Harry Percy, and the valiant Archibald,
That ever-strong and proven Scot,
Met at Holmeden, where they spent
A sad and bloody hour:
As shown by their artillery fire,
And from the looks of things, the news was spread:
For the one who delivered it, in the very heat
And pride of their conflict, took off on horseback,
Unsure of the outcome in any way

   King. Heere is a deere and true industrious friend,
Sir Walter Blunt, new lighted from his Horse,
Strain'd with the variation of each soyle,
Betwixt that Holmedon, and this Seat of ours:
And he hath brought vs smooth and welcome newes.
The Earle of Dowglas is discomfited,
Ten thousand bold Scots, two and twenty Knights
Balk'd in their owne blood did Sir Walter see
On Holmedons Plaines. Of Prisoners, Hotspurre tooke
Mordake Earle of Fife, and eldest sonne
To beaten Dowglas, and the Earle of Atholl,
Of Murry, Angus, and Menteith.
And is not this an honourable spoyle?
A gallant prize? Ha Cosin, is it not? Infaith it is

King. Here is a dear and truly hardworking friend,
Sir Walter Blunt, just dismounted from his horse,
Exhausted from the difference in each terrain,
Between Holmedon and our seat here:
And he has brought us smooth and welcome news.
The Earl of Douglas has been defeated,
Ten thousand brave Scots, twenty-two knights
Stained in their own blood, Sir Walter saw
On Holmedon’s plains. Among the prisoners, Hotspur took
Mordake, the Earl of Fife, and the eldest son
Of the beaten Douglas, along with the Earl of Atholl,
Of Murry, Angus, and Menteith.
And is this not an honorable victory?
A great prize? Hey cousin, is it not? Indeed, it is

West. A Conquest for a Prince to boast of

West. A conquest for a prince to brag about.

   King. Yea, there thou mak'st me sad, & mak'st me sin,
In enuy, that my Lord Northumberland
Should be the Father of so blest a Sonne:
A Sonne, who is the Theame of Honors tongue;
Among'st a Groue, the very straightest Plant,
Who is sweet Fortunes Minion, and her Pride:
Whil'st I by looking on the praise of him,
See Ryot and Dishonor staine the brow
Of my yong Harry. O that it could be prou'd,
That some Night-tripping-Faiery, had exchang'd
In Cradle-clothes, our Children where they lay,
And call'd mine Percy, his Plantagenet:
Then would I haue his Harry, and he mine:
But let him from my thoughts. What thinke you Coze
Of this young Percies pride? The Prisoners
Which he in this aduenture hath surpriz'd,
To his owne vse he keepes, and sends me word
I shall haue none but Mordake Earle of Fife

King. Yes, you make me sad and make me sin,
Out of envy that my Lord Northumberland
Should be the father of such a blessed son:
A son who is the talk of honor;
Among a grove, the very straightest plant,
Who is sweet Fortune's favorite and her pride:
While I, by looking at his praise,
See riot and dishonor stain the brow
Of my young Harry. Oh, if only it could be proven,
That some night-flying fairy had exchanged
Our children in their cradles where they lay,
And called my child Percy, his Plantagenet:
Then I would have his Harry, and he would have mine:
But let him leave my thoughts. What do you think, Cousin,
Of this young Percy's arrogance? The prisoners
That he has captured in this adventure,
He keeps for himself and sends me word
I will have none but Mordake, Earl of Fife

   West. This is his Vnckles teaching. This is Worcester
Maleuolent to you in all Aspects:
Which makes him prune himselfe, and bristle vp
The crest of Youth against your Dignity

West. This is his uncle's teaching. This is Worcester
Hostile to you in every way:
Which makes him hold himself up high, and bristle
The pride of youth against your dignity

   King. But I haue sent for him to answer this:
And for this cause a-while we must neglect
Our holy purpose to Ierusalem.
Cosin, on Wednesday next, our Councell we will hold
At Windsor, and so informe the Lords:
But come your selfe with speed to vs againe,
For more is to be saide, and to be done,
Then out of anger can be vttered

King. But I've sent for him to answer this:
And for this reason, we must put aside
Our holy mission to Jerusalem for a while.
Cousin, next Wednesday, we will hold our council
At Windsor, and inform the Lords:
But come back to us quickly,
For there's more to discuss and to do,
Than can be expressed in anger.

West. I will my Liege.

West. I will serve my Liege.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scaena Secunda.

Scene Two.

Enter Henry Prince of Wales, Sir Iohn Falstaffe, and Pointz.

Enter Henry, Prince of Wales, Sir John Falstaff, and Pointz.

Fal. Now Hal, what time of day is it Lad? Prince. Thou art so fat-witted with drinking of olde Sacke, and vnbuttoning thee after Supper, and sleeping vpon Benches in the afternoone, that thou hast forgotten to demand that truely, which thou wouldest truly know. What a diuell hast thou to do with the time of the day? vnlesse houres were cups of Sacke, and minutes Capons, and clockes the tongues of Bawdes, and dialls the signes of Leaping-houses, and the blessed Sunne himselfe a faire hot Wench in Flame-coloured Taffata; I see no reason, why thou shouldest bee so superfluous, to demaund the time of the day

Fal. Now Hal, what time is it, man? Prince. You're so heavy-headed from drinking that old Sack, unbuttoning yourself after dinner, and sleeping on benches in the afternoon, that you've forgotten to ask for the time in a way that you'd actually want to know. What on earth do you care about the time of day? Unless hours were cups of Sack, minutes were chickens, clocks were the tongues of prostitutes, and sundials were signs for brothels, and the blessed sun itself was just a pretty hot girl in bright taffeta; I see no reason why you should bother asking about the time.

Fal. Indeed you come neere me now Hal, for we that take Purses, go by the Moone and seuen Starres, and not by Phoebus hee, that wand'ring Knight so faire. And I prythee sweet Wagge, when thou art King, as God saue thy Grace, Maiesty I should say, for Grace thou wilte haue none

Fal. You’re getting closer to me now, Hal, because us purse snatchers go by the moon and seven stars, not by Phoebus, that wandering knight so fair. And I beg you, my dear friend, when you become king—God save your highness, I should say majesty, since you won't have grace.

   Prin. What, none?
  Fal. No, not so much as will serue to be Prologue to
an Egge and Butter

Prin. What, none?
  Fal. No, not even enough to serve as a prologue to an egg and butter.

Prin. Well, how then? Come roundly, roundly

Prin. Well, what now? Come on, come on.

Fal. Marry then, sweet Wagge, when thou art King, let not vs that are Squires of the Nights bodie, bee call'd Theeues of the Dayes beautie. Let vs be Dianaes Forresters, Gentlemen of the Shade, Minions of the Moone; and let men say, we be men of good Gouernment, being gouerned as the Sea, by our noble and chast mistris the Moone, vnder whose countenance we steale

Fal. Marry then, sweet Wagge, when you're King, let’s not be called the Thieves of the Day’s beauty. Let’s be Diana’s Foresters, Gentlemen of the Shade, Minions of the Moon; and let people say we are men of good Governance, governed like the Sea, by our noble and chaste mistress the Moon, under whose influence we steal.

Prin. Thou say'st well, and it holds well too: for the fortune of vs that are the Moones men, doeth ebbe and flow like the Sea, beeing gouerned as the Sea is, by the Moone: as for proofe. Now a Purse of Gold most resolutely snatch'd on Monday night, and most dissolutely spent on Tuesday Morning; got with swearing, Lay by: and spent with crying, Bring in: now, in as low an ebbe as the foot of the Ladder, and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the Gallowes

Prin. You're right, and that makes sense too: because the luck of us who are the Moon's men rises and falls like the sea, being controlled just like the sea is by the moon. For example, a purse of gold was confidently grabbed on Monday night, and carelessly wasted on Tuesday morning; earned with swearing, laid aside; and spent with crying, "Bring in." Now, we're at a low point, as low as the bottom rung of a ladder, and soon we'll be at a high point, as high as the top of the gallows.

Fal. Thou say'st true Lad: and is not my Hostesse of the Tauerne a most sweet Wench? Prin. As is the hony, my old Lad of the Castle: and is not a Buffe Ierkin a most sweet robe of durance? Fal. How now? how now mad Wagge? What in thy quips and thy quiddities? What a plague haue I to doe with a Buffe-Ierkin? Prin. Why, what a poxe haue I to doe with my Hostesse of the Tauerne? Fal. Well, thou hast call'd her to a reck'ning many a time and oft

Fal. You're right, my friend. And isn't my tavern hostess a real gem? Prin. Just like honey, my old castle buddy. And isn't a buff jerkin a fantastic outfit? Fal. What’s going on? What are you rambling about? Why on earth would I care about a buffalo jerkin? Prin. And what do I care about my tavern hostess? Fal. Well, you’ve called her to settle up more times than I can count.

   Prin. Did I euer call for thee to pay thy part?
  Fal. No, Ile giue thee thy due, thou hast paid al there

Prin. Did I ever ask you to pay your part?
  Fal. No, I'll give you what you deserve, you've paid it all.

   Prin. Yea and elsewhere, so farre as my Coine would
stretch, and where it would not, I haue vs'd my credit

Prin. Yeah, and in other places, as far as my money would stretch, and where it wouldn't, I've used my reputation.

Fal. Yea, and so vs'd it, that were it heere apparant, that thou art Heire apparant. But I prythee sweet Wag, shall there be Gallowes standing in England when thou art King? and resolution thus fobb'd as it is, with the rustie curbe of old Father Anticke the Law? Doe not thou when thou art a King, hang a Theefe

Fal. Yeah, and we've made it so that it’s obvious you’re the heir. But please, sweet Wag, will there still be gallows in England when you’re king? And will things be as frustrating as they are now, with the outdated restrictions of the law? Don’t you dare hang a thief when you become king.

Prin. No, thou shalt

No, you shall not

Fal. Shall I? O rare! Ile be a braue Iudge

Fal. Should I? Oh wow! I'll be a bold judge.

Prin. Thou iudgest false already. I meane, thou shalt haue the hanging of the Theeues, and so become a rare Hangman

Prin. You’re judging incorrectly already. I mean, you’ll have the job of hanging the thieves, and that will make you a unique hangman.

Fal. Well Hal, well: and in some sort it iumpes with my humour, as well as waiting in the Court, I can tell you

Fal. Well Hal, well: and in a way it matches my mood, just like waiting in the Court, I can tell you

   Prin. For obtaining of suites?
  Fal. Yea, for obtaining of suites, whereof the Hangman
hath no leane Wardrobe. I am as Melancholly as a
Gyb-Cat, or a lugg'd Beare

Prin. For getting appointments?
  Fal. Yeah, for getting appointments, which the Hangman
doesn't have a thin wardrobe for. I'm as gloomy as a
Gyp-Cat, or a lugged Bear.

Prin. Or an old Lyon, or a Louers Lute

Prin. Or an old lion, or a lover's lute

Fal. Yea, or the Drone of a Lincolnshire Bagpipe

Fal. Yeah, or the drone of a Lincolnshire bagpipe

Prin. What say'st thou to a Hare, or the Melancholly of Moore Ditch? Fal. Thou hast the most vnsauoury smiles, and art indeed the most comparatiue rascallest sweet yong Prince. But Hal, I prythee trouble me no more with vanity, I wold thou and I knew, where a Commodity of good names were to be bought: an olde Lord of the Councell rated me the other day in the street about you sir; but I mark'd him not, and yet hee talk'd very wisely, but I regarded him not, and yet he talkt wisely, and in the street too

Prin. What do you think about hunting a hare, or the sadness of Moore Ditch? Fal. You have the most unappealing smiles and are really the most ridiculously charming young prince. But Hal, please don’t bother me anymore with vanity. I wish you and I knew where we could get some good names. An old lord from the council scolded me the other day in the street about you, sir; but I didn’t pay him any attention, even though he talked very wisely, but I didn’t care, and he was talking wisely right there in the street too.

Prin. Thou didst well: for no man regards it

Prin. You did well: because no one cares about it

Fal. O, thou hast damnable iteration, and art indeede able to corrupt a Saint. Thou hast done much harme vnto me Hall, God forgiue thee for it. Before I knew thee Hal, I knew nothing: and now I am (if a man shold speake truly) little better then one of the wicked. I must giue ouer this life, and I will giue it ouer: and I do not, I am a Villaine. Ile be damn'd for neuer a Kings sonne in Christendome

Fal. Oh, you have an unbelievable way of repeating yourself, and you can really lead a saint astray. You've done me a lot of harm, Hal; may God forgive you for it. Before I met you, Hal, I knew nothing; and now, if we're being honest, I'm barely any better than one of the wicked. I have to turn away from this life, and I will turn away from it: if I don’t, I’m a villain. I’d rather be damned than be the son of any king in Christendom.

   Prin. Where shall we take a purse to morrow, Iacke?
  Fal. Where thou wilt Lad, Ile make one: and I doe
not, call me Villaine, and baffle me

Prin. Where should we get a purse tomorrow, Jack?
  Fal. Wherever you want, my lady, I'll make one: and if I don’t, call me a villain and mock me.

   Prin. I see a good amendment of life in thee: From
Praying, to Purse-taking

Prin. I see a good change in your life: From
Praying to Taking Money

   Fal. Why, Hal, 'tis my Vocation Hal: 'Tis no sin for a
man to labour in his Vocation

Fal. Why, Hal, it's my calling, Hal: it's not a sin for a
man to work in his calling.

   Pointz. Now shall wee know if Gads hill haue set a
Watch. O, if men were to be saued by merit, what hole
in Hell were hot enough for him? This is the most omnipotent
Villaine, that euer cryed, Stand, to a true man

Pointz. Now we'll find out if Gads Hill has set a
watch. Oh, if people could be saved by their merits, what hole
in hell would be hot enough for him? This is the most powerful
villain that ever shouted "Stop!" to an honest man.

Prin. Good morrow Ned

Prin. Good morning, Ned

Poines. Good morrow sweet Hal. What saies Monsieur remorse? What sayes Sir Iohn Sacke and Sugar: Iacke? How agrees the Diuell and thee about thy Soule, that thou soldest him on Good-Friday last, for a Cup of Madera, and a cold Capons legge? Prin. Sir Iohn stands to his word, the diuel shall haue his bargaine, for he was neuer yet a Breaker of Prouerbs: He will giue the diuell his due

Poines. Good morning, sweet Hal. What does Mr. Remorse say? What about Sir John Sack and Sugar: Jack? How do you and the devil get along regarding your soul, which you sold him last Good Friday for a glass of Madeira and a cold leg of capon? Prin. Sir John keeps his promise; the devil will get his deal because he has never been one to break proverbs: he’ll give the devil his due.

Poin. Then art thou damn'd for keeping thy word with the diuell

Poin. Then you're damned for keeping your word with the devil.

Prin. Else he had damn'd cozening the diuell

Prin. Otherwise, he would have really messed with the devil.

Poy. But my Lads, my Lads, to morrow morning, by foure a clocke early at Gads hill, there are Pilgrimes going to Canterbury with rich Offerings, and Traders riding to London with fat Purses. I haue vizards for you all; you haue horses for your selues: Gads-hill lyes to night in Rochester, I haue bespoke Supper to morrow in Eastcheape; we may doe it as secure as sleepe: if you will go, I will stuffe your Purses full of Crownes: if you will not, tarry at home and be hang'd

Poy. But my friends, tomorrow morning at four o'clock at Gad's Hill, there will be pilgrims heading to Canterbury with valuable offerings, and traders riding to London with full wallets. I have disguises for all of you; you have horses for yourselves. Gad's Hill is in Rochester tonight, and I’ve arranged for dinner tomorrow in Eastcheap. We can do this as safely as if we were asleep. If you’re in, I’ll fill your pockets with gold coins; if not, stay home and get hanged.

   Fal. Heare ye Yedward, if I tarry at home and go not,
Ile hang you for going

Fal. Hey Edward, if I stay home and don't go,
I'll hang you for leaving.

Poy. You will chops

Poy. You will chop.

   Fal. Hal, wilt thou make one?
  Prin. Who, I rob? I a Theefe? Not I

Fal. Hal, will you join me?
  Prin. Who, me? A thief? Not a chance!

Fal. There's neither honesty, manhood, nor good fellowship in thee, nor thou cam'st not of the blood-royall, if thou dar'st not stand for ten shillings

Fal. There's no honesty, courage, or good friendship in you, nor could you come from royal blood if you don't dare to stand for ten shillings.

Prin. Well then, once in my dayes Ile be a mad-cap

Prin. Well then, once in my lifetime, I'll be a wild one.

Fal. Why, that's well said

Fal. That's well said.

Prin. Well, come what will, Ile tarry at home

Prin. Well, whatever happens, I'll stay at home.

Fal. Ile be a Traitor then, when thou art King

Fal. I'll be a traitor then, when you're king.

Prin. I care not

I don't care

Poyn. Sir Iohn, I prythee leaue the Prince & me alone, I will lay him downe such reasons for this aduenture, that he shall go

Poyn. Sir John, please leave the Prince and me alone. I’ll give him such good reasons for this adventure that he’ll go.

Fal. Well, maist thou haue the Spirit of perswasion; and he the eares of profiting, that what thou speakest, may moue; and what he heares may be beleeued, that the true Prince, may (for recreation sake) proue a false theefe; for the poore abuses of the time, want countenance. Farwell, you shall finde me in Eastcheape

Fal. Well, you must have the gift of persuasion; and he must have the ears to appreciate it, so that what you say may move him, and what he hears may be believed. That way, the true prince can (just for fun) act like a false thief; because the poor issues of the time lack recognition. Goodbye, you’ll find me in Eastcheap.

   Prin. Farwell the latter Spring. Farewell Alhollown
Summer

Prin. Goodbye to late Spring. Goodbye Alhollown
Summer

Poy. Now, my good sweet Hony Lord, ride with vs to morrow. I haue a iest to execute, that I cannot mannage alone. Falstaffe, Haruey, Rossill, and Gads-hill, shall robbe those men that wee haue already way-layde, your selfe and I, wil not be there: and when they haue the booty, if you and I do not rob them, cut this head from my shoulders

Poy. Now, my dear sweet Honey Lord, ride with us tomorrow. I have a joke to pull off that I can't handle on my own. Falstaff, Haruey, Rossill, and Gads-hill will rob the men we've already ambushed, and you and I won’t be there. When they have the loot, if you and I don't take from them, then cut this head off my shoulders.

Prin. But how shal we part with them in setting forth? Poyn. Why, we wil set forth before or after them, and appoint them a place of meeting, wherin it is at our pleasure to faile; and then will they aduenture vppon the exploit themselues, which they shall haue no sooner atchieued, but wee'l set vpon them

Prin. But how do we plan to separate from them while setting out? Poyn. Well, we’ll head out before or after them and choose a meeting place where it’s up to us to mess up; then they’ll take on the challenge themselves, and as soon as they succeed, we’ll strike.

Prin. I, but tis like that they will know vs by our horses, by our habits, and by euery other appointment to be our selues

Prin. I, but it’s likely that they will recognize us by our horses, by our clothes, and by every other detail that shows we are who we are.

Poy. Tut our horses they shall not see, Ile tye them in the wood, our vizards wee will change after wee leaue them: and sirrah, I haue Cases of Buckram for the nonce, to immaske our noted outward garments

Poy. Forget the horses; they won't see us. I'll tie them up in the woods. We’ll change our masks after we leave them. And hey, I have some buckram cases for the occasion to cover our recognizable clothes.

Prin. But I doubt they will be too hard for vs

Prin. But I doubt they will be too difficult for us

Poin. Well, for two of them, I know them to bee as true bred Cowards as euer turn'd backe: and for the third if he fight longer then he sees reason, Ile forswear Armes. The vertue of this Iest will be, the incomprehensible lyes that this fat Rogue will tell vs, when we meete at Supper: how thirty at least he fought with, what Wardes, what blowes, what extremities he endured; and in the reproofe of this, lyes the iest

Poin. Well, for two of them, I know they're just as cowardly as anyone who has ever turned and run. As for the third, if he fights longer than he has a good reason to, I'll swear off weapons. The joke here will be the ridiculous lies this fat idiot will tell us when we meet for dinner: how he fought at least thirty people, what techniques he used, what blows he took, what hardships he faced; and the humor lies in calling out those lies.

Prin. Well, Ile goe with thee, prouide vs all things necessary, and meete me to morrow night in Eastcheape, there Ile sup. Farewell

Prin. Alright, I’ll go with you. Get everything we need, and meet me tomorrow night in Eastcheap. That’s where I’ll have dinner. Goodbye.

Poyn. Farewell, my Lord.

Poyn. Goodbye, my Lord.

Exit Pointz

Exit Pointz

  Prin. I know you all, and will a-while vphold
The vnyoak'd humor of your idlenesse:
Yet heerein will I imitate the Sunne,
Who doth permit the base contagious cloudes
To smother vp his Beauty from the world,
That when he please againe to be himselfe,
Being wanted, he may be more wondred at,
By breaking through the foule and vgly mists
Of vapours, that did seeme to strangle him.
If all the yeare were playing holidaies,
To sport, would be as tedious as to worke;
But when they seldome come, they wisht-for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.
So when this loose behauiour I throw off,
And pay the debt I neuer promised;
By how much better then my word I am,
By so much shall I falsifie mens hopes,
And like bright Mettall on a sullen ground:
My reformation glittering o're my fault,
Shall shew more goodly, and attract more eyes,
Then that which hath no foyle to set it off.
Ile so offend, to make offence a skill,
Redeeming time, when men thinke least I will.

Prin. I know all of you, and I'll hold up
The unfiltered vibe of your laziness for a bit:
But in this, I’ll act like the Sun,
Who allows the dull, contagious clouds
To cover his beauty from the world,
So that when he decides to show himself again,
Being missed, he can be even more admired,
By breaking through the foul and ugly mists
Of vapors that seemed to choke him.
If every day were a holiday,
Having fun would be as boring as working;
But when they rarely come, we long for them,
And only unusual events bring joy.
So when I shake off this careless behavior,
And fulfill a promise I never made;
The more I exceed what I said I’d do,
The more I will disappoint people’s hopes,
And like bright metal on a dull surface:
My change will shine over my faults,
Appearing more attractive and drawing more attention,
Than something that has no flaws to highlight it.
I’ll offend just to make offending a skill,
Making the most of time when people least expect it.

Scoena Tertia.

Scene Three.

Enter the King, Northumberland, Worcester, Hotspurre, Sir Walter Blunt, and others.

Enter the King, Northumberland, Worcester, Hotspur, Sir Walter Blunt, and others.

  King. My blood hath beene too cold and temperate,
Vnapt to stirre at these indignities,
And you haue found me; for accordingly,
You tread vpon my patience: But be sure,
I will from henceforth rather be my Selfe,
Mighty, and to be fear'd, then my condition
Which hath beene smooth as Oyle, soft as yong Downe,
And therefore lost that Title of respect,
Which the proud soule ne're payes, but to the proud

King. My blood has been too cold and calm,
Unfit to react to these insults,
And you have found me like this; for as it stands,
You are stepping on my patience: But be sure,
From now on, I’d rather be my true self,
Powerful and worthy of fear, than stay in this
Condition that has been smooth as oil, soft as young down,
And because of that has lost any respect,
Which the proud soul never gives, except to the proud.

   Wor. Our house (my Soueraigne Liege) little deserues
The scourge of greatnesse to be vsed on it,
And that same greatnesse too, which our owne hands
Haue holpe to make so portly

Wor. Our house (my Sovereign Liege) hardly deserves
The punishment of greatness to be applied to it,
And that same greatness too, which our own hands
Have helped to create so impressive

Nor. My Lord

Nope. My Lord

   King. Worcester get thee gone: for I do see
Danger and disobedience in thine eye.
O sir, your presence is too bold and peremptory,
And Maiestie might neuer yet endure
The moody Frontier of a seruant brow,
You haue good leaue to leaue vs. When we need
Your vse and counsell, we shall send for you.
You were about to speake

King. Worcester, get out of here: I can see
Danger and disrespect in your eyes.
Oh sir, your presence is too forward and demanding,
And Majesty has never been able to tolerate
The sulky attitude of a servant,
You are free to leave us. When we need
Your input and advice, we will call for you.
You were about to speak

   North. Yea, my good Lord.
Those Prisoners in your Highnesse demanded,
Which Harry Percy heere at Holmedon tooke,
Were (as he sayes) not with such strength denied
As was deliuered to your Maiesty:
Who either through enuy, or misprision,
Was guilty of this fault; and not my Sonne

North. Yes, my good Lord.
Those prisoners that your Highness requested,
Whom Harry Percy took here at Holmedon,
Were (as he says) not denied with such strength
As was reported to your Majesty:
Who, either out of envy or misunderstanding,
Was responsible for this mistake; and not my son.

   Hot. My Liege, I did deny no Prisoners.
But, I remember when the fight was done,
When I was dry with Rage, and extreame Toyle,
Breathlesse, and Faint, leaning vpon my Sword,
Came there a certaine Lord, neat and trimly drest;
Fresh as a Bride-groome, and his Chin new reapt,
Shew'd like a stubble Land at Haruest home.
He was perfumed like a Milliner,
And 'twixt his Finger and his Thumbe, he held
A Pouncet-box: which euer and anon
He gaue his Nose, and took't away againe:
Who therewith angry, when it next came there,
Tooke it in Snuffe. And still he smil'd and talk'd:
And as the Souldiers bare dead bodies by,
He call'd them vntaught Knaues, Vnmannerly,
To bring a slouenly vnhandsome Coarse
Betwixt the Winde, and his Nobility.
With many Holiday and Lady tearme
He question'd me: Among the rest, demanded
My Prisoners, in your Maiesties behalfe.
I then, all-smarting, with my wounds being cold,
(To be so pestered with a Popingay)
Out of my Greefe, and my Impatience,
Answer'd (neglectingly) I know not what,
He should, or should not: For he made me mad,
To see him shine so briske, and smell so sweet,
And talke so like a Waiting-Gentlewoman,
Of Guns, & Drums, and Wounds: God saue the marke;
And telling me, the Soueraign'st thing on earth
Was Parmacity, for an inward bruise:
And that it was great pitty, so it was,
That villanous Salt-peter should be digg'd
Out of the Bowels of the harmlesse Earth,
Which many a good Tall Fellow had destroy'd
So Cowardly. And but for these vile Gunnes,
He would himselfe haue beene a Souldier.
This bald, vnioynted Chat of his (my Lord)
Made me to answer indirectly (as I said.)
And I beseech you, let not this report
Come currant for an Accusation,
Betwixt my Loue, and your high Maiesty

Hot. My Lord, I didn’t deny any prisoners.
But I remember when the battle was over,
When I was exhausted from rage and extreme effort,
Breathless and weak, leaning on my sword,
A certain lord approached, neat and well-dressed;
Fresh like a groom, with a freshly shaved chin,
Looking like a stubbly field at harvest time.
He was scented like a fashionista,
And between his fingers, he held
A little box of perfume: which now and then
He brought to his nose and then put down again:
Who, feeling annoyed, took it again with anger.
And still, he smiled and chatted:
And as the soldiers carried dead bodies by,
He called them untrained fools, rude,
For bringing a messy, unrefined corpse
Between the wind and his nobility.
With a lot of casual and polite terms
He questioned me: Among other things, asked
About my prisoners, on behalf of your Majesty.
I then, hurting all over, with my wounds getting cold,
(To be so bothered by a chatterbox)
Out of my grief and impatience,
Answered (absentmindedly) I don’t know what,
He should or shouldn’t: For he drove me mad,
To see him so polished and smelling so nice,
And talking like a lady-in-waiting,
About guns, and drums, and injuries: God save us;
And telling me that the most important thing on earth
Was balmy calmness for an internal bruise:
And that it was a great pity, which it was,
That villainous gunpowder should be dug
Out of the harmless earth,
Which many a good man had destroyed
So cowardly. And if it weren't for these vile guns,
He himself would have been a soldier.
This bald, unrefined chatter of his (my Lord)
Made me respond indirectly (as I said.)
And I ask you, please don’t let this report
Be taken as an accusation,
Between my love and your high Majesty.

   Blunt. The circumstance considered, good my Lord,
What euer Harry Percie then had said,
To such a person, and in such a place,
At such a time, with all the rest retold,
May reasonably dye, and neuer rise
To do him wrong, or any way impeach
What then he said, so he vnsay it now

Blunt. Given the situation, my Lord,
Whatever Harry Percy said then,
To someone like that, in that place,
At that time, with everything else recounted,
Can be forgotten and never hold him back
From doing wrong, or in any way challenge
What he said then, just as long as he doesn’t take it back now.

   King. Why yet doth deny his Prisoners,
But with Prouiso and Exception,
That we at our owne charge, shall ransome straight
His Brother-in-Law, the foolish Mortimer,
Who (in my soule) hath wilfully betraid
The liues of those, that he did leade to Fight,
Against the great Magitian, damn'd Glendower:
Whose daughter (as we heare) the Earle of March
Hath lately married. Shall our Coffers then,
Be emptied, to redeeme a Traitor home?
Shall we buy Treason? and indent with Feares,
When they haue lost and forfeyted themselues.
No: on the barren Mountaine let him sterue:
For I shall neuer hold that man my Friend,
Whose tongue shall aske me for one peny cost
To ransome home reuolted Mortimer

King. Why does he still deny his prisoners,
Except with conditions and exceptions,
That we should pay out of our own pockets to release
His brother-in-law, the foolish Mortimer,
Who, honestly, has willfully betrayed
The lives of those he led into battle,
Against the great magician, cursed Glendower:
Whose daughter, as we hear, the Earl of March
Has recently married. Should we then empty our coffers,
To redeem a traitor?
Should we purchase treason? And make deals with fears,
When they've already lost and forfeited themselves?
No: let him starve on the barren mountain:
For I will never consider that man my friend,
Whose tongue asks me for even one penny
To ransom back the rebel Mortimer.

   Hot. Reuolted Mortimer?
He neuer did fall off, my Soueraigne Liege,
But by the chance of Warre: to proue that true,
Needs no more but one tongue. For all those Wounds,
Those mouthed Wounds, which valiantly he tooke,
When on the gentle Seuernes siedgie banke,
In single Opposition hand to hand,
He did confound the best part of an houre
In changing hardiment with great Glendower:
Three times they breath'd, and three times did they drink
Vpon agreement, of swift Seuernes flood;
Who then affrighted with their bloody lookes,
Ran fearefully among the trembling Reeds,
And hid his crispe-head in the hollow banke,
Blood-stained with these Valiant Combatants.
Neuer did base and rotten Policy
Colour her working with such deadly wounds;
Nor neuer could the Noble Mortimer
Receiue so many, and all willingly:
Then let him not be sland'red with Reuolt

Hot. Rebellious Mortimer?
He never defected, my Sovereign Lord,
But by the chance of war: to prove it true,
It only takes one voice. For all those wounds,
Those visible wounds, which he bravely took,
When on the gentle Severn's riverside,
In one-on-one combat,
He faced off with great Glendower for over an hour:
Three times they paused to catch their breath, and three times they drank
On the agreement, by the swift Severn's flood;
Who then, frightened by their bloody looks,
Ran fearfully among the trembling reeds,
And hid his curled head in the hollow bank,
Blood-stained by these brave combatants.
Never did low and rotten politics
Mask its intentions with such deadly wounds;
Nor could the noble Mortimer
Receive so many willingly:
So let him not be slandered with rebellion.

   King. Thou do'st bely him Percy, thou dost bely him;
He neuer did encounter with Glendower:
I tell thee, he durst as well haue met the diuell alone,
As Owen Glendower for an enemy.
Art thou not asham'd? But Sirrah, henceforth
Let me not heare you speake of Mortimer.
Send me your Prisoners with the speediest meanes,
Or you shall heare in such a kinde from me
As will displease ye. My Lord Northumberland,
We License your departure with your sonne,
Send vs your Prisoners, or you'l heare of it.

King. You’re lying about him, Percy, you’re lying;
He never actually faced Glendower:
I swear, he would have been just as afraid to meet the devil alone,
As Owen Glendower as an enemy.
Aren’t you ashamed? But listen, from now on
I don’t want to hear you mention Mortimer.
Send me your prisoners as quickly as possible,
Or you’ll hear from me in a way
That you won’t like. My Lord Northumberland,
We permit your departure with your son,
Send us your prisoners, or you’ll hear about it.

Exit King.

Exit King.

  Hot. And if the diuell come and roare for them
I will not send them. I will after straight
And tell him so: for I will ease my heart,
Although it be with hazard of my head

Hot. And if the devil comes and roars for them
I will not send them. I will go right away
And tell him that: because I will lighten my heart,
Even if it could cost me my head

   Nor. What? drunke with choller? stay & pause awhile,
Heere comes your Vnckle.
Enter Worcester.

Nor. What? Drunk with anger? Wait and pause for a moment,
Here comes your Uncle.
Enter Worcester.

  Hot. Speake of Mortimer?
Yes, I will speake of him, and let my soule
Want mercy, if I do not ioyne with him.
In his behalfe, Ile empty all these Veines,
And shed my deere blood drop by drop i'th dust,
But I will lift the downfall Mortimer
As high i'th Ayre, as this Vnthankfull King,
As this Ingrate and Cankred Bullingbrooke

Hot. Mention Mortimer?
Yes, I will talk about him, and may my soul
Be damned if I don’t join with him.
On his behalf, I’ll drain all these veins,
And shed my precious blood drop by drop into the dust,
But I will raise the fallen Mortimer
As high in the air as this ungrateful king,
As this ungrateful and bitter Bolingbroke.

   Nor. Brother, the King hath made your Nephew mad
  Wor. Who strooke this heate vp after I was gone?
  Hot. He will (forsooth) haue all my Prisoners:
And when I vrg'd the ransom once againe
Of my Wiues Brother, then his cheeke look'd pale,
And on my face he turn'd an eye of death,
Trembling euen at the name of Mortimer

Nor. Brother, the King has driven your Nephew insane
  Wor. Who stirred up this anger after I left?
  Hot. He wants all my Prisoners, for sure:
And when I brought up the ransom again
For my Wife's Brother, his face went pale,
And he looked at me like I was dead,
Trembling even at the mention of Mortimer.

   Wor. I cannot blame him: was he not proclaim'd
By Richard that dead is, the next of blood?
  Nor. He was: I heard the Proclamation,
And then it was, when the vnhappy King
(Whose wrongs in vs God pardon) did set forth
Vpon his Irish Expedition:
From whence he intercepted, did returne
To be depos'd, and shortly murthered

Wor. I can't blame him: wasn't he declared
By Richard, who is dead, as the next in line?
  Nor. He was: I heard the proclamation,
And then it was, when the unfortunate King
(Whose wrongs against us may God forgive) set out
On his Irish expedition:
From which he was intercepted and returned
To be overthrown and shortly murdered

   Wor. And for whose death, we in the worlds wide mouth
Liue scandaliz'd, and fouly spoken of

Wor. And for whose death, we are widely talked about
Living in scandal and harshly judged.

   Hot. But soft I pray you; did King Richard then
Proclaime my brother Mortimer,
Heyre to the Crowne?
  Nor. He did, my selfe did heare it

Hot. But soft, please; did King Richard then
proclaim my brother Mortimer,
heir to the crown?
Nor. He did, I heard it myself.

   Hot. Nay then I cannot blame his Cousin King,
That wish'd him on the barren Mountaines staru'd.
But shall it be, that you that set the Crowne
Vpon the head of this forgetfull man,
And for his sake, wore the detested blot
Of murtherous subornation? Shall it be,
That you a world of curses vndergoe,
Being the Agents, or base second meanes,
The Cords, the Ladder, or the Hangman rather?
O pardon, if that I descend so low,
To shew the Line, and the Predicament
Wherein you range vnder this subtill King.
Shall it for shame, be spoken in these dayes,
Or fill vp Chronicles in time to come,
That men of your Nobility and Power,
Did gage them both in an vniust behalfe
(As Both of you, God pardon it, haue done)
To put downe Richard, that sweet louely Rose,
And plant this Thorne, this Canker Bullingbrooke?
And shall it in more shame be further spoken,
That you are fool'd, discarded, and shooke off
By him, for whom these shames ye vnderwent?
No: yet time serues, wherein you may redeeme
Your banish'd Honors, and restore your selues
Into the good Thoughts of the world againe.
Reuenge the geering and disdain'd contempt
Of this proud King, who studies day and night
To answer all the Debt he owes vnto you,
Euen with the bloody Payment of your deaths:
Therefore I say-
  Wor. Peace Cousin, say no more.
And now I will vnclaspe a Secret booke,
And to your quicke conceyuing Discontents,
Ile reade you Matter, deepe and dangerous,
As full of perill and aduenturous Spirit,
As to o're-walke a Current, roaring loud
On the vnstedfast footing of a Speare

Hot. Well, I can’t blame his cousin, the King,
Who wished him starved in the barren mountains.
But is it really possible that you, who placed the crown
On the head of this forgetful man,
And for his sake, took on the hated stain
Of murderous conspiracy? Is it really true
That you endure a world of curses,
Being the agents, or lowly means,
The ropes, the ladder, or the hangman instead?
Oh, forgive me if I stoop so low,
To show the line and the situation
Where you are positioned under this cunning King.
Will it be, for shame, said in these days,
Or fill the chronicles of the future,
That men of your nobility and power,
Gambled everything on an unjust cause
(As both of you, God forgive it, have done)
To bring down Richard, that sweet lovely rose,
And plant this thorn, this blighted Bullingbroke?
And will it be even more shameful to further say,
That you are fooled, discarded, and shaken off
By the one for whom you suffered these shames?
No: yet time serves, where you may redeem
Your banished honors and restore yourselves
In the good graces of the world again.
Revenge the scorn and disdain
Of this proud King, who studies day and night
To repay all the debts he owes you,
Even with the bloody payment of your deaths:
Therefore I say-
  Wor. Peace, cousin, say no more.
And now I will unfasten a secret book,
And to your quick grasp of discontent,
I’ll read you something deep and dangerous,
As full of peril and adventurous spirit,
As to walk across a roaring current
On the unstable footing of a spear.

   Hot. If he fall in, good night, or sinke or swimme:
Send danger from the East vnto the West,
So Honor crosse it from the North to South,
And let them grapple: The blood more stirres
To rowze a Lyon, then to start a Hare

Hot. If he falls in, it’s good night, whether he sinks or swims:
Send danger from the East to the West,
So Honor crosses it from the North to the South,
And let them grapple: The blood stirs more
To rouse a lion than to start a hare.

   Nor. Imagination of some great exploit,
Driues him beyond the bounds of Patience

Nor. The thought of some great action,
Drives him beyond the limits of Patience

   Hot. By heauen, me thinkes it were an easie leap,
To plucke bright Honor from the pale-fac'd Moone,
Or diue into the bottome of the deepe,
Where Fadome-line could neuer touch the ground,
And plucke vp drowned Honor by the Lockes:
So he that doth redeeme her thence, might weare
Without Co-riuall, all her Dignities:
But out vpon this halfe-fac'd Fellowship

Hot. By heaven, I think it would be an easy leap,
To grab bright Honor from the pale-faced Moon,
Or dive to the bottom of the deep,
Where a fathom-line could never touch the ground,
And pull up drowned Honor by the hair:
So whoever redeems her from there might wear
Without rival, all her dignities:
But shame on this half-faced fellowship

   Wor. He apprehends a World of Figures here,
But not the forme of what he should attend:
Good Cousin giue me audience for a-while,
And list to me

Wor. He perceives a lot of people here,
But not what he should focus on:
Good Cousin, give me your attention for a moment,
And listen to me

Hot. I cry you mercy

Hot. I beg your pardon.

   Wor. Those same Noble Scottes
That are your Prisoners

Wor. Those same noble Scots
That are your prisoners

   Hot. Ile keepe them all.
By heauen, he shall not haue a Scot of them:
No, if a Scot would saue his Soule, he shall not.
Ile keepe them, by this Hand

Hot. I'll keep them all.
By heaven, he shall not have a single one of them:
No, if a Scot wanted to save his soul, he still won't.
I'll keep them, by this hand.

   Wor. You start away,
And lend no eare vnto my purposes.
Those Prisoners you shall keepe

Wor. You turn away,
And pay no attention to my plans.
Those prisoners you will keep

   Hot. Nay, I will: that's flat:
He said, he would not ransome Mortimer:
Forbad my tongue to speake of Mortimer.
But I will finde him when he lyes asleepe,
And in his eare, Ile holla Mortimer.
Nay, Ile haue a Starling shall be taught to speake
Nothing but Mortimer, and giue it him,
To keepe his anger still in motion

Hot. No, I will: that's it:
He said he wouldn't ransom Mortimer:
He forbade me to speak of Mortimer.
But I will find him when he's asleep,
And in his ear, I'll yell Mortimer.
No, I'll get a starling that's taught to speak
Nothing but Mortimer, and give it to him,
To keep his anger always moving

Wor. Heare you Cousin: a word

Wor. Listen up, Cousin: I need to say something.

   Hot. All studies heere I solemnly defie,
Saue how to gall and pinch this Bullingbrooke,
And that same Sword and Buckler Prince of Wales.
But that I thinke his Father loues him not,
And would be glad he met with some mischance,
I would haue poyson'd him with a pot of Ale

Hot. All the studies here I completely disregard,
Except how to annoy and challenge this Bullingbrooke,
And that same Sword and Buckler Prince of Wales.
But I believe his father doesn't care for him,
And would be happy if he faced some bad luck,
I would have poisoned him with a jug of beer.

   Wor. Farewell Kinsman: Ile talke to you
When you are better temper'd to attend

Wor. Goodbye, relative: I'll talk to you
When you're in a better mood to listen

   Nor. Why what a Waspe-tongu'd & impatient foole
Art thou, to breake into this Womans mood,
Tying thine eare to no tongue but thine owne?
  Hot. Why look you, I am whipt & scourg'd with rods,
Netled, and stung with Pismires, when I heare
Of this vile Politician Bullingbrooke.
In Richards time: What de'ye call the place?
A plague vpon't, it is in Gloustershire:
'Twas, where the madcap Duke his Vncle kept,
His Vncle Yorke, where I first bow'd my knee
Vnto this King of Smiles, this Bullingbrooke:
When you and he came backe from Rauenspurgh

Nor. What a sharp-tongued and impatient fool
Are you, to interrupt this woman's mood,
Listening only to your own voice?
  Hot. Well, just look at me, I’m beaten and whipped,
Annoyed, and stung by ants when I hear
About that nasty politician, Bullingbrooke.
In Richard's time: What do you call the place?
Curse it, it’s in Gloucestershire:
That’s where the wild Duke, his uncle,
York, kept me, where I first bowed my knee
To this King of Smiles, this Bullingbrooke:
When you two returned from Ravenspurgh

Nor. At Barkley Castle

Nope. At Barkley Castle

   Hot. You say true:
Why what a caudie deale of curtesie,
This fawning Grey-hound then did proffer me,
Looke when his infant Fortune came to age,
And gentle Harry Percy, and kinde Cousin:
O, the Diuell take such Couzeners, God forgiue me,
Good Vncle tell your tale, for I haue done

Hot. You're telling the truth:
What a lot of courtesy,
This fawning Greyhound offered me,
Look at when his young luck finally arrived,
And gentle Harry Percy, and kind Cousin:
Oh, may the devil take such Cousins, forgive me, God,
Good Uncle, tell your story, because I'm done.

   Wor. Nay, if you haue not, too't againe,
Wee'l stay your leysure

Wor. No, if you haven't, try again,
We'll wait for you.

Hot. I haue done insooth

Hot. I have done indeed.

   Wor. Then once more to your Scottish Prisoners.
Deliuer them vp without their ransome straight,
And make the Dowglas sonne your onely meane
For powres in Scotland: which for diuers reasons
Which I shall send you written, be assur'd
Will easily be granted you, my Lord.
Your Sonne in Scotland being thus imploy'd,
Shall secretly into the bosome creepe
Of that same noble Prelate, well belou'd,
The Archbishop

Wor. Once again, let's talk about your Scottish prisoners.
Release them immediately without their ransom,
And make the Douglas son your only way
To gain power in Scotland: for various reasons
That I'll explain in writing, I assure you,
Will be easily granted to you, my Lord.
With your son in Scotland handling this,
He’ll quietly get close
To that same respected Prelate, well-loved,
The Archbishop.

   Hot. Of Yorke, is't not?
  Wor. True, who beares hard
His Brothers death at Bristow, the Lord Scroope.
I speake not this in estimation,
As what I thinke might be, but what I know
Is ruminated, plotted, and set downe,
And onely stayes but to behold the face
Of that occasion that shall bring it on

Hot. Is it not from York?
  Wor. True, he struggles with
His brother’s death at Bristol, Lord Scroope.
I’m not saying this to judge,
As in what I think might happen, but what I know
Is considered, planned, and recorded,
And only waits to see the moment
That will make it happen.

   Hot. I smell it:
Vpon my life, it will do wond'rous well

Hot. I can smell it:
I swear, it’s going to turn out amazing.

Nor. Before the game's a-foot, thou still let'st slip

Nor. Before the game begins, you still let slip

   Hot. Why, it cannot choose but be a Noble plot,
And then the power of Scotland, and of Yorke
To ioyne with Mortimer, Ha

Hot. It can't help but be a noble plan,
And then the strength of Scotland and York
To join forces with Mortimer, Ha

Wor. And so they shall

Wor. And they will

Hot. Infaith it is exceedingly well aym'd

Hot. Indeed, it is very well aimed.

   Wor. And 'tis no little reason bids vs speed,
To saue our heads, by raising of a Head:
For, beare our selues as euen as we can,
The King will alwayes thinke him in our debt,
And thinke, we thinke our selues vnsatisfied,
Till he hath found a time to pay vs home.
And see already, how he doth beginne
To make vs strangers to his lookes of loue

Wor. And it’s no small reason that urges us to hurry,
To save our lives by elevating one of us:
For, no matter how composed we try to be,
The King will always believe he owes us something,
And think we feel unsatisfied,
Until he finds a moment to repay us.
And look already at how he’s starting
To make us strangers to the warmth in his gaze.

Hot. He does, he does; wee'l be reueng'd on him

Hot. He does, he does; we'll get our revenge on him.

   Wor. Cousin, farewell. No further go in this,
Then I by Letters shall direct your course
When time is ripe, which will be sodainly:
Ile steale to Glendower, and loe, Mortimer,
Where you, and Dowglas, and our powres at once,
As I will fashion it, shall happily meete,
To beare our fortunes in our owne strong armes,
Which now we hold at much vncertainty

Wor. Cousin, goodbye. Let's not go any further with this,
I'll send you letters to guide you when the time is right,
Which will be soon:
I'll sneak away to Glendower, and look, Mortimer,
Where you, Douglas, and our forces will meet all together,
As I will arrange it, to take our destinies into our own hands,
Which we currently hold with much uncertainty.

Nor. Farewell good Brother, we shall thriue, I trust

Nor. Farewell, good brother. I trust we will succeed.

   Hot. Vncle, adieu: O let the houres be short,
Till fields, and blowes, and grones, applaud our sport.

Hot. Uncle, goodbye: Oh let the hours be short,
Until fields, and flowers, and groans, celebrate our fun.

Exit

Exit

Actus Secundus. Scena Prima.

Act Two. Scene One.

Enter a Carrier with a Lanterne in his hand.

Enter a carrier holding a lantern.

  1.Car. Heigh-ho, an't be not foure by the day, Ile be
hang'd. Charles waine is ouer the new Chimney, and yet
our horse not packt. What Ostler?
  Ost. Anon, anon

1.Car. Well, it can't be more than four o'clock in the day, or I'll be hanged. The Big Dipper is over the new chimney, and our horse isn't packed yet. Where's the stable hand?   Ost. Coming, coming.

   1.Car. I prethee Tom, beate Cuts Saddle, put a few
Flockes in the point: the poore Iade is wrung in the withers,
out of all cesse.
Enter another Carrier.

1.Car. Please, Tom, be sure to beat Cut's saddle and stuff some
fleece in the point; the poor mare is in pain in the withers,
completely out of sorts.
Enter another Carrier.

2.Car. Pease and Beanes are as danke here as a Dog, and this is the next way to giue poore Iades the Bottes: This house is turned vpside downe since Robin the Ostler dyed

2.Car. Peas and beans are as damp here as a dog, and this is the next way to give poor lads the boots: This house is turned upside down since Robin the hostler died.

   1.Car. Poore fellow neuer ioy'd since the price of oats
rose, it was the death of him

1.Car. Poor guy hasn't been happy since the price of oats
went up; it really took a toll on him

   2.Car. I thinke this is the most villanous house in al
London rode for Fleas: I am stung like a Tench

2.Car. I think this is the most terrible house in all
London is infested with fleas: I’m itching like crazy.

1.Car. Like a Tench? There is ne're a King in Christendome, could be better bit, then I haue beene since the first Cocke

1.Car. Like a Tench? There isn't a King in Christendom who could feel worse than I have since the first crow of the rooster.

2.Car. Why, you will allow vs ne're a Iourden, and then we leake in your Chimney: and your Chamber-lye breeds Fleas like a Loach

2.Car. Well, you won't let us have a single day off, and then we leak in your chimney: and your bedbugs breed fleas like crazy.

   1.Car. What Ostler, come away, and be hangd: come
away

1.Car. What Ostler, come on, and be damned: come
away

   2.Car. I haue a Gammon of Bacon, and two razes of
Ginger, to be deliuered as farre as Charing-crosse

2.Car. I have a ham and two pieces of ginger to be delivered as far as Charing Cross.

1.Car. The Turkies in my Pannier are quite starued. What Ostler? A plague on thee, hast thou neuer an eye in thy head? Can'st not heare? And t'were not as good a deed as drinke, to break the pate of thee, I am a very Villaine. Come and be hang'd, hast no faith in thee? Enter Gads-hill.

1.Car. The turkeys in my bag are completely starved. What stableman? A curse on you, can’t you see? Can’t you hear? And if it wouldn’t be as good a deed as drinking, I’d be a real scoundrel for wanting to smash your head in. Come and get hanged, do you have no faith in yourself? Enter Gads-hill.

  Gad. Good-morrow Carriers. What's a clocke?
  Car. I thinke it be two a clocke

Gad. Good morning, Carriers. What time is it?
  Car. I think it's two o'clock.

   Gad. I prethee lend me thy Lanthorne to see my Gelding
in the stable

Gad. Please lend me your lantern so I can check on my horse
in the stable

   1.Car. Nay soft I pray ye, I know a trick worth two
of that

1.Car. No, wait, please. I know a trick that's twice as good as that.

Gad. I prethee lend me thine

Wow. Please lend me yours.

2.Car. I, when, canst tell? Lend mee thy Lanthorne (quoth-a) marry Ile see thee hang'd first

2.Car. I, when, can you tell? Lend me your lantern (he said) well, I'll see you hanged first.

Gad. Sirra Carrier: What time do you mean to come to London? 2.Car. Time enough to goe to bed with a Candle, I warrant thee. Come neighbour Mugges, wee'll call vp the Gentlemen, they will along with company, for they haue great charge.

Gad. Hey, Carrier: What time are you planning to come to London? 2.Car. Enough time to go to bed with a candle, I promise you. Come on, neighbor Mugges, let's wake up the gentlemen; they'll come with us because they have a big responsibility.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Enter Chamberlaine.

Enter Chamberlaine.

  Gad. What ho, Chamberlaine?
  Cham. At hand quoth Pick-purse

Gad. Hey there, Chamberlain?
  Cham. Here, as Pickpocket said.

Gad. That's euen as faire, as at hand quoth the Chamberlaine: For thou variest no more from picking of Purses, then giuing direction, doth from labouring. Thou lay'st the plot, how

Gad. That's just as fair as it is close, said the Chamberlain: For you differ no more from picking pockets than giving orders differs from working. You set up the plan, how

Cham. Good morrow Master Gads-Hill, it holds currant that I told you yesternight. There's a Franklin in the wilde of Kent, hath brought three hundred Markes with him in Gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at Supper; a kinde of Auditor, one that hath abundance of charge too (God knowes what) they are vp already, and call for Egges and Butter. They will away presently

Cham. Good morning, Master Gads-Hill. It’s true what I told you last night. There’s a landowner in the wilds of Kent who has brought three hundred Marks in gold with him. I heard him mention it to one of his friends at dinner last night; a sort of accountant, someone who has a lot of expenses too (God knows what). They’re up already and asking for eggs and butter. They’ll be leaving soon.

   Gad. Sirra, if they meete not with S[aint]. Nicholas Clarks,
Ile giue thee this necke

Gad. Hey there, if they don't run into St. Nicholas' clerks,
I'll give you this neck piece

Cham. No, Ile none of it: I prythee keep that for the Hangman, for I know thou worshipst S[aint]. Nicholas as truly as a man of falshood may

Cham. No, I don't want any of it: please save that for the Hangman, because I know you honor Saint Nicholas just as sincerely as a dishonest person can.

Gad. What talkest thou to me of the Hangman? If I hang, Ile make a fat payre of Gallowes. For, if I hang, old Sir Iohn hangs with mee, and thou know'st hee's no Starueling. Tut, there are other Troians that y dream'st not of, the which (for sport sake) are content to doe the Profession some grace; that would (if matters should bee look'd into) for their owne Credit sake, make all Whole. I am ioyned with no Foot-land-Rakers, No Long-staffe six-penny strikers, none of these mad Mustachio-purple-hu'd-Maltwormes, but with Nobility, and Tranquilitie; Bourgomasters, and great Oneyers, such as can holde in, such as will strike sooner then speake; and speake sooner then drinke, and drinke sooner then pray: and yet I lye, for they pray continually vnto their Saint the Commonwealth; or rather, not to pray to her, but prey on her: for they ride vp & downe on her, and make hir their Boots

Gad. What are you talking to me about the Hangman for? If I hang, I'm going to make a nice pair of gallows. Because if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and you know he's no lightweight. Come on, there are other Trojans you don't even dream of, who (just for fun) would do the job some justice; that would, if things were looked into, for their own reputation, make things right. I'm not associated with any lowlifes, no long-staff six-penny fighters, none of these crazy mustachioed, purple-hued drunks, but with nobility and stability; mayors and powerful men who can hold back, who will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray: and yet I’m lying, because they pray constantly to their saint, the Commonwealth; or rather, they don’t pray to her, but prey on her: because they ride up and down on her and make her their boots.

Cham. What, the Commonwealth their Bootes? Will she hold out water in foule way? Gad. She will, she will; Iustice hath liquor'd her. We steale as in a Castle, cocksure: we haue the receit of Fernseede, we walke inuisible

Cham. What, the Commonwealth their Bootes? Will she hold up in a messy situation? Gad. She will, she will; Justice has got her tipsy. We steal like we're in a castle, completely sure of ourselves: we have the secret recipe, we walk invisibly.

   Cham. Nay, I thinke rather, you are more beholding
to the Night, then to the Fernseed, for your walking inuisible

Cham. No, I think you're more indebted to the night than to the fernseed for being able to walk invisibly.

   Gad. Giue me thy hand.
Thou shalt haue a share in our purpose,
As I am a true man

Gad. Give me your hand.
You’ll have a part in our plan,
As I am a good person

   Cham. Nay, rather let mee haue it, as you are a false
Theefe

Cham. No, I’d rather have it, since you’re a fake
Thief

Gad. Goe too: Homo is a common name to all men. Bid the Ostler bring the Gelding out of the stable. Farewell, ye muddy Knaue.

Gad. Go on: Man is a common name for all people. Ask the stableman to bring the gelding out of the stable. Goodbye, you dirty knave.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scaena Secunda.

Scene Two.

Enter Prince, Poynes, and Peto.

Enter Prince, Poynes, and Peto.

  Poines. Come shelter, shelter, I haue remoued Falstafs
Horse, and he frets like a gum'd Veluet

Poines. Come on, get some shelter, I’ve moved Falstaff’s
horse, and he’s restless like a damp velvet.

   Prin. Stand close.
Enter Falstaffe.

Prin. Stand close.
Enter Falstaff.

Fal. Poines, Poines, and be hang'd Poines

Fal. Poines, Poines, and get lost, Poines

   Prin. Peace ye fat-kidney'd Rascall, what a brawling
dost thou keepe

Prin. Quiet down, you loudmouth chub, what a racket
you're making.

   Fal. What Poines. Hal?
  Prin. He is walk'd vp to the top of the hill, Ile go seek
him

Fal. What’s up, Poines? Hal?
  Prin. He’s walked up to the top of the hill. I'll go find him.

Fal. I am accurst to rob in that Theefe company: that Rascall hath remoued my Horse, and tied him I know not where. If I trauell but foure foot by the squire further a foote, I shall breake my winde. Well, I doubt not but to dye a faire death for all this, if I scape hanging for killing that Rogue, I haue forsworne his company hourely any time this two and twenty yeare, & yet I am bewitcht with the Rogues company. If the Rascall haue not giuen me medicines to make me loue him, Ile be hang'd; it could not be else: I haue drunke Medicines. Poines, Hal, a Plague vpon you both. Bardolph, Peto: Ile starue ere I rob a foote further. And 'twere not as good a deede as to drinke, to turne True-man, and to leaue these Rogues, I am the veriest Varlet that euer chewed with a Tooth. Eight yards of vneuen ground, is threescore & ten miles afoot with me: and the stony-hearted Villaines knowe it well enough. A plague vpon't, when Theeues cannot be true one to another.

Fal. I'm cursed to rob in this gang: that rascal has moved my horse and tied him up somewhere I don’t know. If I walk just four more steps, I’ll break my wind. Well, I have no doubt I’ll meet a fitting end for all this; if I avoid hanging for killing that scoundrel, I’ve sworn off his company every hour for the past twenty-two years, and still, I'm stuck under his spell. If that rascal hasn’t given me some potion to make me love him, I’ll be hanged; it can’t be anything else. I’ve drunk potions. Poines, Hal, a plague on both of you. Bardolph, Peto: I’ll starve before I rob another foot. And if it weren't as good an act as drinking, to turn honest and ditch these rogues, I’m the biggest fool that ever had a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground feels like seventy miles on foot to me: and those cold-hearted villains know it all too well. A plague on it, when thieves can't be true to each other.

They Whistle.

They whistle.

Whew: a plague light vpon you all. Giue my Horse you
Rogues: giue me my Horse, and be hang'd

Whew: a curse on all of you. Give me my horse, you
Rogues: give me my horse, and go to hell

Prin. Peace ye fat guttes, lye downe, lay thine eare close to the ground, and list if thou can heare the tread of Trauellers

Prin. Peace you, fat bellys, lie down, put your ear close to the ground, and listen to see if you can hear the footsteps of travelers.

Fal. Haue you any Leauers to lift me vp again being downe? Ile not beare mine owne flesh so far afoot again, for all the coine in thy Fathers Exchequer. What a plague meane ye to colt me thus? Prin. Thou ly'st, thou art not colted, thou art vncolted

Fal. Do you have any reasons to lift me up again while I'm down? I won't put up with my own troubles like this again, no matter how much cash your father has. What the hell do you mean by treating me like this? Prin. You're lying; you're not being treated like that, you're just not being treated at all.

   Fal. I prethee good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
good Kings sonne

Fal. I beg you, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
good King's son

   Prin. Out you Rogue, shall I be your Ostler?
  Fal. Go hang thy selfe in thine owne heire-apparant-Garters:
If I be tane, Ile peach for this: and I haue not
Ballads made on all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a Cup of
Sacke be my poyson: when a iest is so forward, & a foote
too, I hate it.
Enter Gads-hill.

Prin. Get out of here, you scoundrel! Should I be your stablehand?
  Fal. Go hang yourself with your own fancy garters:
If I get caught, I’ll spill the beans on this: and I haven’t
made ballads about all of this and sung them to disgusting tunes, let a cup of
sack be my poison: when a joke is so obvious, and a foot
too, I can’t stand it.
Enter Gads-hill.

Gad. Stand

Wow. Stand

Fal. So I do against my will

Fal. So I do it even though I don't want to.

Poin. O 'tis our Setter, I know his voyce: Bardolfe, what newes? Bar. Case ye, case ye; on with your Vizards, there's mony of the Kings comming downe the hill, 'tis going to the Kings Exchequer

Poin. Oh, it's our Setter, I recognize his voice: Bardolfe, what's the news? Bar. Listen, listen; put on your masks, many of the King's men are coming down the hill, they're heading to the King's treasury.

Fal. You lie you rogue, 'tis going to the Kings Tauern

Fal. You're lying, you scoundrel, it's going to the King's Tavern.

Gad. There's enough to make vs all

Gad. There's enough to keep us all.

Fal. To be hang'd

Fal. To be hanged

Prin. You foure shall front them in the narrow Lane: Ned and I, will walke lower; if they scape from your encounter, then they light on vs

Prin. You four will face them in the narrow lane: Ned and I will walk further down; if they get away from you, then they'll run into us.

   Peto. But how many be of them?
  Gad. Some eight or ten

Peto. But how many of them are there?
  Gad. About eight or ten.

   Fal. Will they not rob vs?
  Prin. What, a Coward Sir Iohn Paunch?
  Fal. Indeed I am not Iohn of Gaunt your Grandfather;
but yet no Coward, Hal

Fal. Won't they steal from us?
  Prin. What, a coward like Sir John Paunch?
  Fal. I'm definitely not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
but I'm still no coward, Hal.

Prin. Wee'l leaue that to the proofe

Prin. We'll leave that to the proof.

Poin. Sirra Iacke, thy horse stands behinde the hedg, when thou need'st him, there thou shalt finde him. Farewell, and stand fast

Poin. Hey Jack, your horse is behind the hedge. When you need him, you'll find him there. Goodbye, and take care.

Fal. Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd

Fal. I can’t hit him now, even if it means I’ll be hanged.

   Prin. Ned, where are our disguises?
  Poin. Heere hard by: Stand close

Prin. Ned, where are our disguises?
  Poin. They're right here: Stay close.

Fal. Now my Masters, happy man be his dole, say I: euery man to his businesse. Enter Trauellers

Fal. Now, my friends, happy is the man who gets his share, I say: everyone to their work. Enter Travelers

Tra. Come Neighbor: the boy shall leade our Horses downe the hill: Wee'l walke a-foot a while, and ease our Legges

Tra. Come, Neighbor: the boy will lead our horses down the hill. We'll walk for a bit and rest our legs.

Theeues. Stay

Theeues. Stay

Tra. Iesu blesse vs

Tra. Jesus bless you

Fal. Strike down with them, cut the villains throats; a whorson Caterpillars: Bacon-fed Knaues, they hate vs youth; downe with them, fleece them

Fal. Strike them down, cut the villains' throats; a bunch of worthless worms: Bacon-fed knaves, they hate our youth; down with them, fleece them.

Tra. O, we are vndone, both we and ours for euer

Tra. O, we're doomed, both we and our people, forever.

Fal. Hang ye gorbellied knaues, are you vndone? No ye Fat Chuffes, I would your store were heere. On Bacons, on, what ye knaues? Yong men must liue, you are Grand Iurers, are ye? Wee'l iure ye ifaith.

Fal. Hang you fat idiots, are you in trouble? No, you lazy slobs, I wish your goods were here. Come on, what are you doing, you fools? Young men have to make a living, are you really Grand Jurors? We’ll judge you for sure.

Heere they rob them, and binde them. Enter the Prince and Poines.

Here they rob them and tie them up. Enter the Prince and Poines.

Prin. The Theeues haue bound the True-men: Now could thou and I rob the Theeues, and go merily to London, it would be argument for a Weeke, Laughter for a Moneth, and a good iest for euer

Prin. The thieves have tied up the honest men: Now if you and I could steal from the thieves and cheerfully head to London, it would provide us with a week's worth of conversation, a month's worth of laughter, and a great story for life.

   Poynes. Stand close, I heare them comming.
Enter Theeues againe.

Poynes. Stand close, I hear them coming.
Enter Theeves again.

Fal. Come my Masters, let vs share, and then to horsse before day: and the Prince and Poynes bee not two arrand Cowards, there's no equity stirring. There's no moe valour in that Poynes, than in a wilde Ducke

Fal. Come on, my friends, let’s share up and then head out before dawn. The Prince and Poynes aren’t really that brave; there’s no fairness in this. Poynes has no more courage than a wild duck.

Prin. Your money

Principal. Your money

Poin. Villaines.

Pointe-Villaines.

As they are sharing, the Prince and Poynes set vpon them. They all run away, leauing the booty behind them.

As they are sharing, the Prince and Poynes attack them. They all run away, leaving the loot behind.

Prince. Got with much ease. Now merrily to Horse: The Theeues are scattred, and possest with fear so strongly, that they dare not meet each other: each takes his fellow for an Officer. Away good Ned, Falstaffe sweates to death, and Lards the leane earth as he walkes along: wer't not for laughing, I should pitty him

Prince. So easy to handle. Now happily on my horse: The thieves are scattered and filled with fear so much that they don't dare to face each other: each one thinks his buddy is an officer. Come on, good Ned, Falstaff is sweating to death and is leaving his mark on the thin ground as he walks along: if it weren't so funny, I'd feel sorry for him.

Poin. How the Rogue roar'd.

Poin. How the Rogue roared.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scoena Tertia.

Scene Three.

Enter Hotspurre solus, reading a Letter.

Enter Hotspurre alone, reading a letter.

But for mine owne part, my Lord. I could bee well contented to be there, in respect of the loue I beare your house. He could be contented: Why is he not then? in respect of the loue he beares our house. He shewes in this, he loues his owne Barne better then he loues our house. Let me see some more. The purpose you vndertake is dangerous. Why that's certaine: 'Tis dangerous to take a Colde, to sleepe, to drinke: but I tell you (my Lord foole) out of this Nettle, Danger; we plucke this Flower, Safety. The purpose you vndertake is dangerous, the Friends you haue named vncertaine, the Time it selfe vnsorted, and your whole Plot too light, for the counterpoize of so great an Opposition. Say you so, say you so: I say vnto you againe, you are a shallow cowardly Hinde, and you Lye. What a lackebraine is this? I protest, our plot is as good a plot as euer was laid; our Friend true and constant: A good Plotte, good Friends, and full of expectation: An excellent plot, very good Friends. What a Frosty-spirited rogue is this? Why, my Lord of Yorke commends the plot, and the generall course of the action. By this hand, if I were now by this Rascall, I could braine him with his Ladies Fan. Is there not my Father, my Vncle, and my Selfe, Lord Edmund Mortimer, my Lord of Yorke, and Owen Glendour? Is there not besides, the Dowglas? Haue I not all their letters, to meete me in Armes by the ninth of the next Moneth? and are they not some of them set forward already? What a Pagan Rascall is this? An Infidell. Ha, you shall see now in very sincerity of Feare and Cold heart, will he to the King, and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could diuide my selfe, and go to buffets, for mouing such a dish of skim'd Milk with so honourable an Action. Hang him, let him tell the King we are prepared. I will set forwards to night. Enter his Lady.

But for my part, my Lord, I would be happy to be there because of the love I have for your family. He could be happy: Why isn’t he then? Because of the love he has for our family. This shows he loves his own home more than he loves our family. Let me see more. The goal you're taking on is risky. Well, that’s true: it’s risky to catch a cold, to sleep, to drink. But I tell you (my foolish Lord), out of this nettle, Danger; we pull this flower, Safety. The goal you're taking on is risky, the friends you've mentioned are uncertain, the timing is all wrong, and your whole plan is too weak for such strong opposition. Is that what you say? Well, I say to you again, you are a shallow coward and you’re lying. What kind of nonsense is this? I assure you, our plan is as good as any that’s ever been made; our friend is true and loyal: a good plan with good friends, full of promise: an excellent plan, very good friends. What a cold-hearted fool this is! Why, my Lord of York commends the plan and the overall course of the action. By this hand, if I were next to this rascal, I could knock him out with his lady's fan. Don’t I have my father, my uncle, and myself, Lord Edmund Mortimer, my Lord of York, and Owen Glendower? Aren’t there also the Douglases? Don’t I have all their letters to meet me in arms by the ninth of next month? And aren’t some of them already on their way? What a pathetic rascal this is! An infidel. Ha, you’ll see now in true fear and cold-heartedness, he will go to the King and reveal all our plans. Oh, I could tear myself apart and fight for mentioning such a trivial matter with such an honorable action. Hang him, let him tell the King we are ready. I will set off tonight. Enter his Lady.

How now Kate, I must leaue you within these two hours

How's it going, Kate? I have to leave you in the next two hours.

   La. O my good Lord, why are you thus alone?
For what offence haue I this fortnight bin
A banish'd woman from my Harries bed?
Tell me (sweet Lord) what is't that takes from thee
Thy stomacke, pleasure, and thy golden sleepe?
Why dost thou bend thine eyes vpon the earth?
And start so often when thou sitt'st alone?
Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheekes?
And giuen my Treasures and my rights of thee,
To thicke-ey'd musing, and curst melancholly?
In my faint-slumbers, I by thee haue watcht,
And heard thee murmore tales of Iron Warres:
Speake tearmes of manage to thy bounding Steed,
Cry courage to the field. And thou hast talk'd
Of Sallies, and Retires; Trenches, Tents,
Of Palizadoes, Frontiers, Parapets,
Of Basiliskes, of Canon, Culuerin,
Of Prisoners ransome, and of Souldiers slaine,
And all the current of a headdy fight.
Thy spirit within thee hath beene so at Warre,
And thus hath so bestirr'd thee in thy sleepe,
That beds of sweate hath stood vpon thy Brow,
Like bubbles in a late-disturbed Streame;
And in thy face strange motions haue appear'd,
Such as we see when men restraine their breath
On some great sodaine hast. O what portents are these?
Some heauie businesse hath my Lord in hand,
And I must know it: else he loues me not

La. Oh my good Lord, why are you all alone?
Why have I been a banished woman from my Harry's bed for this past fortnight?
Tell me, sweet Lord, what is it that takes away
Your appetite, pleasure, and your restful sleep?
Why do you gaze down at the ground?
And why do you startle so often when sitting alone?
Why have you lost the color in your cheeks?
And given my treasures and my rights to thick-eyed musings and cursed melancholy?
In my weak sleeps, I have kept watch over you,
And heard you murmur tales of brutal wars:
Speak terms of control to your spirited horse,
Cry courage to the field. And you’ve talked
About charges and retreats; trenches, tents,
Palizadas, frontiers, parapets,
Basilisks, cannons, culverins,
Ransoms for prisoners and slain soldiers,
And all the chaos of a fierce battle.
Your spirit has been so at war within you,
And so restless in your sleep,
That beads of sweat have stood on your brow,
Like bubbles in a recently disturbed stream;
And your face has shown strange movements,
Like we see when people hold their breath
In some sudden rush. Oh, what are these omens?
Some heavy matter must be on my Lord's mind,
And I must know it; otherwise he doesn't love me.

   Hot. What ho; Is Gilliams with the Packet gone?
  Ser. He is my Lord, an houre agone

Hot. Hey, has Gilliams left with the Packet?
  Ser. Yes, my Lord, about an hour ago.

   Hot. Hath Butler brought those horses fro[m] the Sheriffe?
  Ser. One horse, my Lord, he brought euen now

Hot. Has Butler brought those horses from the Sheriff?
  Ser. One horse, my Lord, he just brought in now

Hot. What Horse? A Roane, a crop eare, is it not

Hot. What horse? A roan, a crop ear, right?

Ser. It is my Lord

Sir, it is my Lord

Hot. That Roane shall be my Throne. Well, I will backe him straight. Esperance, bid Butler lead him forth into the Parke

Hot. That Roane will be my Throne. Alright, I'll support him right away. Esperance, ask Butler to lead him out into the Park.

La. But heare you, my lord

La. But hear you, my lord

   Hot. What say'st thou my Lady?
  La. What is it carries you away?
  Hot. Why, my horse (my Loue) my horse

Hot. What do you say, my Lady?
  La. What is it that takes you away?
  Hot. Well, my horse (my love), my horse.

La. Out you mad-headed Ape, a Weazell hath not such a deale of Spleene, as you are tost with. In sooth Ile know your businesse Harry, that I will. I feare my Brother Mortimer doth stirre about his Title, and hath sent for you to line his enterprize. But if you go- Hot. So farre a foot, I shall be weary, Loue

La. Get out, you crazy monkey! A weasel doesn't have as much anger as you do. Honestly, I want to know what you're up to, Harry, I really do. I'm worried my brother Mortimer is getting involved with his title and has called you to support his plans. But if you go— Hot. If it goes that far, I’m going to get tired, love.

La. Come, come, you Paraquito, answer me directly vnto this question, that I shall aske. Indeede Ile breake thy little finger Harry, if thou wilt not tel me true

La. Come on, you little Parakeet, answer me directly to this question that I'm going to ask. Honestly, I'll break your little finger, Harry, if you don't tell me the truth.

   Hot. Away, away you trifler: Loue, I loue thee not,
I care not for thee Kate: this is no world
To play with Mammets, and to tilt with lips.
We must haue bloodie Noses, and crack'd Crownes,
And passe them currant too. Gods me, my horse.
What say'st thou Kate? what wold'st thou haue with me?
  La. Do ye not loue me? Do ye not indeed?
Well, do not then. For since you loue me not,
I will not loue my selfe. Do you not loue me?
Nay, tell me if thou speak'st in iest, or no

Hot. Go away, you fool: Love, I don’t love you,
I don’t care about you, Kate: this isn’t a world
To mess around with toys, and to kiss for fun.
We need to have bloody noses, and cracked skulls,
And accept them as normal too. Oh my, my horse.
What do you say, Kate? What do you want from me?
  La. Don’t you love me? Do you really not?
Well, if you don’t, then I won’t love myself either. Do you not love me?
No, tell me if you’re joking or not.

   Hot. Come, wilt thou see me ride?
And when I am a horsebacke, I will sweare
I loue thee infinitely. But hearke you Kate,
I must not haue you henceforth, question me,
Whether I go: nor reason whereabout.
Whether I must, I must: and to conclude,
This Euening must I leaue thee, gentle Kate.
I know you wise, but yet no further wise
Then Harry Percies wife. Constant you are,
But yet a woman: and for secrecie,
No Lady closer. For I will beleeue
Thou wilt not vtter what thou do'st not know,
And so farre wilt I trust thee, gentle Kate

Hot. Come, will you see me ride?
And when I’m on horseback, I’ll swear
I love you infinitely. But listen, Kate,
I can’t have you questioning me anymore,
Whether I go: or ask about it.
If I must, I must: and to sum it up,
This evening, I have to leave you, sweet Kate.
I know you’re wise, but not any wiser
Than Harry Percy’s wife. You’re loyal,
But still a woman: and as for secrets,
No lady is more discreet. Because I’ll believe
You won’t reveal what you don’t know,
And that’s how much I’ll trust you, sweet Kate.

   La. How so farre?
  Hot. Not an inch further. But harke you Kate,
Whither I go, thither shall you go too:
To day will I set forth, to morrow you.
Will this content you Kate?
  La. It must of force.

La. How far are we going?
  Hot. Not an inch further. But listen, Kate,
Wherever I go, you’re coming too:
Today I’ll set out, tomorrow you’ll follow.
Will this make you happy, Kate?
  La. It has to, I guess.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scena Quarta.

Scene 4.

Enter Prince and Poines.

Enter Prince and Poines.

Prin. Ned, prethee come out of that fat roome, & lend me thy hand to laugh a little

Prin. Ned, please come out of that fat room and help me laugh a little.

Poines. Where hast bene Hall? Prin. With three or foure Logger-heads, amongst 3. or fourescore Hogsheads. I haue sounded the verie base string of humility. Sirra, I am sworn brother to a leash of Drawers, and can call them by their names, as Tom, Dicke, and Francis. They take it already vpon their confidence, that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the King of Curtesie: telling me flatly I am no proud Iack like Falstaffe, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy, and when I am King of England, I shall command al the good Laddes in East-cheape. They call drinking deepe, dying Scarlet; and when you breath in your watering, then they cry hem, and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an houre, that I can drinke with any Tinker in his owne Language during my life. I tell thee Ned, thou hast lost much honor, that thou wer't not with me in this action: but sweet Ned, to sweeten which name of Ned, I giue thee this peniworth of Sugar, clapt euen now into my hand by an vnder Skinker, one that neuer spake other English in his life, then Eight shillings and six pence, and, You are welcome: with this shril addition, Anon, Anon sir, Score a Pint of Bastard in the Halfe Moone, or so. But Ned, to driue away time till Falstaffe come, I prythee doe thou stand in some by-roome, while I question my puny Drawer, to what end hee gaue me the Sugar, and do neuer leaue calling Francis, that his Tale to me may be nothing but, Anon: step aside, and Ile shew thee a President

Poines. Where have you been, Hall? Prin. With three or four idiots, among 3 or four dozen barrels. I've really hit the low note of humility. Hey, I'm sworn brother to a group of servers, and I can name them: Tom, Dick, and Francis. They already assume, with their confidence, that even though I'm just the Prince of Wales, I’m still the King of Courtesy; telling me outright that I’m not a proud jerk like Falstaff, but a smooth guy, a lad of spirit, a good boy, and that when I become King of England, I’ll have all the good lads in Eastcheap at my command. They call deep drinking “dying Scarlet,” and when you exhale while drinking, they cheer and urge you to show off. To sum up, I'm so good at this after just a quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinkerer in his own language for the rest of my life. I tell you, Ned, you’ve lost a lot of honor by not being with me in this. But sweet Ned, to sweeten that name, I give you this little packet of sugar, which I just got from a server, someone who has only ever spoken this phrase in his life: Eight shillings and six pence, and "You are welcome," with the added chirp, "Soon, soon, sir. Charge a pint of bad wine at the Half Moon," or something like that. But Ned, to pass the time until Falstaff arrives, I pray you stand in some side room while I ask my little server why he gave me the sugar, and don’t stop calling for Francis, so his answer to me can be nothing but “Soon.” Step aside, and I’ll show you an example.

Poines. Francis

Poines. Francis

Prin. Thou art perfect

You are perfect

   Poin. Francis.
Enter Drawer.

Pope Francis.
Open Drawer.

  Fran. Anon, anon sir; looke downe into the Pomgarnet,
Ralfe

Fran. Right now, sir; look down into the pomegranate,
Ralfe

Prince. Come hither Francis

Prince. Come here, Francis.

Fran. My Lord

Fran. My Lord

   Prin. How long hast thou to serue, Francis?
  Fran. Forsooth fiue yeares, and as much as to-
  Poin. Francis

Prin. How long do you have to serve, Francis?
  Fran. Honestly, five years, and as much as to-
  Poin. Francis

Fran. Anon, anon sir

Fran. Soon, soon sir

Prin. Fiue yeares: Berlady a long Lease for the clinking of Pewter. But Francis, darest thou be so valiant, as to play the coward with thy Indenture, & show it a faire paire of heeles, and run from it? Fran. O Lord sir, Ile be sworne vpon all the Books in England, I could finde in my heart

Prin. Five years: that's quite a long lease for the ringing of pewter. But Francis, do you dare to be so brave as to turn your back on your contract and run from it? Fran. Oh Lord, sir, I swear on all the books in England, I could find it in my heart.

Poin. Francis

Pope Francis

Fran. Anon, anon sir

Fran. Later, later sir

   Prin. How old art thou, Francis?
  Fran. Let me see, about Michaelmas next I shalbe-
  Poin. Francis

Prin. How old are you, Francis?
  Fran. Let me think, I’ll be about -
  Poin. Francis

Fran. Anon sir, pray you stay a little, my Lord

Fran. Anon, sir, please stay for a moment, my Lord.

   Prin. Nay but harke you Francis, for the Sugar thou
gauest me, 'twas a penyworth, was't not?
  Fran. O Lord sir, I would it had bene two

Prin. No, but listen to me, Francis, for the sugar you
gave me, it was worth a penny, right?
  Fran. Oh Lord, sir, I wish it had been two!

   Prin. I will giue thee for it a thousand pound: Aske
me when thou wilt, and thou shalt haue it

Prin. I'll give you a thousand pounds for it. Just ask me whenever you want, and you’ll get it.

Poin. Francis

Pope Francis

Fran. Anon, anon

Fran. Later, later

Prin. Anon Francis? No Francis, but to morrow Francis: or Francis, on thursday: or indeed Francis when thou wilt. But Francis

Prin. Not now, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis: or Francis, on Thursday: or honestly, Francis, whenever you want. But Francis

Fran. My Lord

Fran. My Lord

Prin. Wilt thou rob this Leatherne Ierkin, Christall button, Not-pated, Agat ring, Puke stocking, Caddice garter, Smooth tongue, Spanish pouch

Prin. Will you steal this leather jerkin, crystal button, unbuttoned, agate ring, dirty stocking, cheap garter, smooth talk, Spanish pouch

   Fran. O Lord sir, who do you meane?
  Prin. Why then your browne Bastard is your onely
drinke: for looke you Francis, your white Canuas doublet
will sulley. In Barbary sir, it cannot come to so much

Fran. Oh, sir, who are you talking about?
  Prin. Well then, your brown bastard is your only
drink: because, look here, Francis, your white canvas doublet
will get dirty. In Barbary, sir, it can't cost that much

   Fran. What sir?
  Poin. Francis

Fran. What’s up, sir?
  Poin. Francis

Prin. Away you Rogue, dost thou heare them call?

Prin. Get away from me, you scoundrel. Can you hear them calling?

Heere they both call him, the Drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go.

Here they both call him, and the Drawer stands stunned, not knowing which way to go.

Enter Vintner.

Enter Winemaker.

  Vint. What, stand'st thou still, and hear'st such a calling?
Looke to the Guests within: My Lord, olde Sir
Iohn with halfe a dozen more, are at the doore: shall I let
them in?
  Prin. Let them alone awhile, and then open the doore.
Poines.
Enter Poines.

Vint. What, are you just standing there, hearing such a call?
Check on the guests inside: My Lord, old Sir
John with half a dozen others is at the door: should I let
them in?
  Prin. Just leave them for a bit, and then open the door.
Poines.
Enter Poines.

Poin. Anon, anon sir

Poin. Coming, coming sir

Prin. Sirra, Falstaffe and the rest of the Theeues, are at the doore, shall we be merry? Poin. As merrie as Crickets my Lad. But harke yee, What cunning match haue you made this iest of the Drawer? Come, what's the issue? Prin. I am now of all humors, that haue shewed themselues humors, since the old dayes of goodman Adam, to the pupill age of this present twelue a clock at midnight. What's a clocke Francis? Fran. Anon, anon sir

Prin. Hey, Falstaff and the rest of the crew are at the door. Should we have some fun? Poin. As lively as crickets, my man. But tell me, what clever plan did you come up with regarding the drawer? Come on, what's going on? Prin. I'm feeling all sorts of ways that have been around since the days of good old Adam, right up to this very moment at midnight. What time is it, Francis? Fran. Just a moment, sir.

Prin. That euer this Fellow should haue fewer words then a Parret, and yet the sonne of a Woman. His industry is vp-staires and down-staires, his eloquence the parcell of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percies mind, the Hotspurre of the North, he that killes me some sixe or seauen dozen of Scots at a Breakfast, washes his hands, and saies to his wife; Fie vpon this quiet life, I want worke. O my sweet Harry sayes she, how many hast thou kill'd to day? Giue my Roane horse a drench (sayes hee) and answeres, some fourteene, an houre after: a trifle, a trifle. I prethee call in Falstaffe, Ile play Percy, and that damn'd Brawne shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. Riuo, sayes the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow. Enter Falstaffe.

Prin. It's crazy that this guy has fewer words than a parrot, and yet he's the son of a woman. His work is all over the place, and his speech is just part of a bill. I’m not on the same page as Percy, the Hotspur of the North, the guy who kills six or seven dozen Scots at breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife, "Ugh, I can’t stand this peaceful life; I need something to do." Oh, my sweet Harry, she says, "How many did you kill today?" "Give my roan horse a drench," he replies, and then adds, "about fourteen, an hour later; it’s nothing, really." I swear, call in Falstaff, I'll play Percy, and that damn lady will be Dame Mortimer, his wife. "Rivu," says the drunkard. "Call in Ribs, call in Tallow." Enter Falstaff.

Poin. Welcome Iacke, where hast thou beene? Fal. A plague of all Cowards I say, and a Vengeance too, marry and Amen. Giue me a cup of Sacke Boy. Ere I leade this life long, Ile sowe nether stockes, and mend them too. A plague of all cowards. Giue me a Cup of Sacke, Rogue. Is there no Vertue extant? Prin. Didst thou neuer see Titan kisse a dish of Butter, pittifull hearted Titan that melted at the sweete Tale of the Sunne? If thou didst, then behold that compound

Poin. Welcome back, Jack, where have you been? Fal. A curse on all cowards, I tell you, and a vengeance too, truly and amen. Give me a cup of wine, boy. Before I live this life much longer, I'll stitch up my stockings and fix them too. A curse on all cowards. Give me a cup of wine, you rascal. Is there no virtue left? Prin. Have you never seen Titan kiss a dish of butter, that pathetic Titan who melted at the sweet story of the sun? If you have, then look at that combination.

Fal. You Rogue, heere's Lime in this Sacke too: there is nothing but Roguery to be found in Villanous man; yet a Coward is worse then a Cup of Sack with lime. A villanous Coward, go thy wayes old Iacke, die when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood be not forgot vpon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten Herring: there liues not three good men vnhang'd in England, & one of them is fat, and growes old, God helpe the while, a bad world I say. I would I were a Weauer, I could sing all manner of songs. A plague of all Cowards, I say still

Fal. You scoundrel, there's lime in this sack too: there's nothing but trickery to be found in a villainous man; yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime. A villainous coward, go on old Jack, die when you want, if courage, real courage, isn't forgotten on this earth, then I'm a dried herring: there aren’t three good men left unexecuted in England, and one of them is fat and getting old, God help us, it’s a terrible world I say. I wish I were a weaver; I could sing all kinds of songs. A plague on all cowards, I still say.

   Prin. How now Woolsacke, what mutter you?
  Fal. A Kings Sonne? If I do not beate thee out of thy
Kingdome with a dagger of Lath, and driue all thy Subiects
afore thee like a flocke of Wilde-geese, Ile neuer
weare haire on my face more. You Prince of Wales?
  Prin. Why you horson round man? what's the matter?
  Fal. Are you not a Coward? Answer me to that, and
Poines there?
  Prin. Ye fat paunch, and yee call mee Coward, Ile
stab thee

Prin. What's up, Woolsack? What are you mumbling about?
  Fal. A king's son? If I don't knock you out of your kingdom with a wooden dagger and send all your subjects running like a flock of wild geese, I'll never grow facial hair again. You, Prince of Wales?
  Prin. Why, you son of a horse? What's going on?
  Fal. Aren't you a coward? Answer me that — and what about Poines?
  Prin. You fat fool, and you call me a coward? I'll stab you!

Fal. I call thee Coward? Ile see thee damn'd ere I call the Coward: but I would giue a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your backe: Call you that backing of your friends? a plague vpon such backing: giue me them that will face me. Giue me a Cup of Sack, I am a Rogue if I drunke to day

Fal. Am I calling you a coward? I'd rather be damned than call you that: but I would pay a thousand pounds to be able to run as fast as you do. You're broad enough in the shoulders, and you don't care who sees your back: Is that what you call having friends? A curse on that kind of support: I want people who will stand up to me. Bring me a cup of sack, I'm a rogue if I drink today.

Prin. O Villaine, thy Lippes are scarce wip'd, since thou drunk'st last

Prin. Oh Villain, your lips are barely wiped since you last drank.

Falst. All's one for that.

False. It's all the same.

He drinkes.

He drinks.

A plague of all Cowards still, say I

A plague of all cowards still, I say.

   Prince. What's the matter?
  Falst. What's the matter? here be foure of vs, haue
ta'ne a thousand pound this Morning

Prince. What's going on?
  Falst. What's the situation? There are four of us, and we've just taken a thousand pounds this morning.

   Prince. Where is it, Iack? where is it?
  Falst. Where is it? taken from vs, it is: a hundred
vpon poore foure of vs

Prince. Where is it, Jack? Where is it?
  Falst. Where is it? It's taken from us: a hundred
on poor four of us

Prince. What, a hundred, man? Falst. I am a Rogue, if I were not at halfe Sword with a dozen of them two houres together. I haue scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the Doublet, foure through the Hose, my Buckler cut through and through, my Sword hackt like a Hand-saw, ecce signum. I neuer dealt better since I was a man: all would not doe. A plague of all Cowards: let them speake; if they speake more or lesse then truth, they are villaines, and the sonnes of darknesse

Prince. What, a hundred guys? Falst. I'm a rogue if I wasn't fighting off a dozen of them for two hours straight. I got away by a miracle. I've been stabbed through my doublet eight times, four times through my pants, my shield is shredded, and my sword looks like a hand saw, just look at it. I've never fought better since I became a man; it was still not enough. A curse on all cowards: let them talk; if they say anything more or less than the truth, they're villains and the sons of darkness.

   Prince. Speake sirs, how was it?
  Gad. We foure set vpon some dozen

Prince. Speak, gentlemen, how was it?
  Gad. We four tackled about a dozen

Falst. Sixteene, at least, my Lord

Falst. Sixteen, at least, my Lord

Gad. And bound them

Wow. And tied them

Peto. No, no, they were not bound

Peto. No, no, they weren't tied down

   Falst. You Rogue, they were bound, euery man of
them, or I am a Iew else, an Ebrew Iew

Falst. You rogue, every single one of them was bound, or I'm a Jew, an Hebrew Jew.

   Gad. As we were sharing, some sixe or seuen fresh men
set vpon vs

Gad. While we were talking, about six or seven new guys
attacked us

   Falst. And vnbound the rest, and then come in the
other

Falst. And unbound the rest, and then come in the
other

Prince. What, fought yee with them all? Falst. All? I know not what yee call all: but if I fought not with fiftie of them, I am a bunch of Radish: if there were not two or three and fiftie vpon poore olde Iack, then am I no two-legg'd Creature

Prince. What, did you fight them all? Falst. All? I don’t know what you mean by all: but if I didn’t fight at least fifty of them, then I’m just a pile of radishes. If there weren’t two or three dozen on poor old Jack, then I’m not even a two-legged creature.

Poin. Pray Heauen, you haue not murthered some of them

Poin. Please, God, you haven't killed some of them.

Falst. Nay, that's past praying for, I haue pepper'd two of them: Two I am sure I haue payed, two Rogues in Buckrom Sutes. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a Lye, spit in my face, call me Horse: thou knowest my olde word: here I lay, and thus I bore my point; foure Rogues in Buckrom let driue at me

Falst. No way, that's not going to change. I've taken out two of them: I'm certain I've dealt with two guys in cheap suits. Listen, Hal, if I lie to you, spit in my face and call me a horse: you know my old saying: here I am, and this is how I stand; four guys in cheap suits came after me.

Prince. What, foure? thou sayd'st but two, euen now

Prince. What, four? You just said two, a moment ago.

Falst. Foure Hal, I told thee foure

Falst. Four Hall, I told you four

Poin. I, I, he said foure

Poin. I, I, he said four

Falst. These foure came all a-front, and mainely thrust at me; I made no more adoe, but tooke all their seuen points in my Targuet, thus

Falst. These four came at me head-on and charged hard; I didn't hesitate, but aimed to block all their seven strikes with my shield, like this.

Prince. Seuen? why there were but foure, euen now

Prince. Seven? There were only four, just now.

Falst. In buckrom

Falst. In buckrom

Poin. I, foure, in Buckrom Sutes

Poin. I, four, in Buckram Suits

Falst. Seuen, by these Hilts, or I am a Villaine else

Falst. Seven, by these hilts, or I'm a villain otherwise.

Prin. Prethee let him alone, we shall haue more anon

Prin. Please leave him alone, we'll have more soon.

   Falst. Doest thou heare me, Hal?
  Prin. I, and marke thee too, Iack

Falst. Do you hear me, Hal?
  Prin. Yes, and I see you too, Jack

   Falst. Doe so, for it is worth the listning too: these
nine in Buckrom, that I told thee of

Falst. Do it, because it’s worth listening to: these
nine in Buckrom, that I told you about

Prin. So, two more alreadie

Prin. So, two more already

Falst. Their Points being broken

False. Their points are broken.

Poin. Downe fell his Hose

Poin. Downe lost his pants

Falst. Began to giue me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought, seuen of the eleuen I pay'd

Falst. Started to give me some space: but I stayed right behind him, came in foot and hand; and with one thought, I paid seven of the eleven.

Prin. O monstrous! eleuen Buckrom men growne out of two? Falst. But as the Deuill would haue it, three mis-begotten Knaues, in Kendall Greene, came at my Back, and let driue at me; for it was so darke, Hal, that thou could'st not see thy Hand

Prin. Oh, that's terrible! Eleven men in buckskin grown from two? Falst. But as luck would have it, three messed up guys in green came up behind me and attacked; it was so dark, Hal, that you couldn’t even see your hand.

Prin. These Lyes are like the Father that begets them, grosse as a Mountaine, open, palpable. Why thou Claybrayn'd Guts, thou Knotty-pated Foole, thou Horson obscene greasie Tallow Catch

Prin. These lies are like the father that created them, huge as a mountain, obvious, blatant. Why, you dimwitted fool, you thick-headed idiot, you disgusting greasy piece of waste!

   Falst. What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the
truth, the truth?
  Prin. Why, how could'st thou know these men in
Kendall Greene, when it was so darke, thou could'st not
see thy Hand? Come, tell vs your reason: what say'st thou
to this?
  Poin. Come, your reason Iack, your reason

Falst. What, are you crazy? Are you crazy? Isn't the
truth, the truth?
  Prin. How could you possibly know these guys in
Kendall Greene when it was so dark you couldn’t
see your hand? Come on, tell us your reason: what do you
say about this?
  Poin. Come on, give us your reason, Jack, your reason

Falst. What, vpon compulsion? No: were I at the Strappado, or all the Racks in the World, I would not tell you on compulsion. Giue you a reason on compulsion? If Reasons were as plentie as Black-berries, I would giue no man a Reason vpon compulsion, I

Falst. What, under pressure? No way: even if I were being tortured or facing all the torture devices in the world, I wouldn't tell you under duress. Give you a reason under pressure? If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I still wouldn't give anyone a reason under compulsion.

Prin. Ile be no longer guiltie of this sinne. This sanguine Coward, this Bed-presser, this Hors-back-breaker, this huge Hill of Flesh

Prin. I will no longer be guilty of this sin. This bloodless coward, this bed sitter, this horse rider, this huge pile of flesh

Falst. Away you Starueling, you Elfe-skin, you dried Neats tongue, Bulles-pissell, you stocke-fish: O for breth to vtter. What is like thee? You Tailors yard, you sheath you Bow-case, you vile standing tucke

Falst. Get lost, you starling, you fairy-skin, you dried cow’s tongue, you bull’s-piss, you stockfish: Oh, I need breath to speak. What’s like you? You tailor's yard, you sheath, you bow case, you disgusting standing sword.

Prin. Well, breath a-while, and then to't againe: and when thou hast tyr'd thy selfe in base comparisons, heare me speake but thus

Prin. Well, take a moment to catch your breath, and then let's go again: and when you've tired yourself out with those petty comparisons, listen to me say this.

Poin. Marke Iacke

Poin. Marke Jacket

Prin. We two, saw you foure set on foure and bound them, and were Masters of their Wealth: mark now how a plaine Tale shall put you downe. Then did we two, set on you foure, and with a word, outfac'd you from your prize, and haue it: yea, and can shew it you in the House. And Falstaffe, you caried your Guts away as nimbly, with as quicke dexteritie, and roared for mercy, and still ranne and roar'd, as euer I heard Bull-Calfe. What a Slaue art thou, to hacke thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight. What trick? what deuice? what starting hole canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparant shame? Poines. Come, let's heare Iacke: What tricke hast thou now? Fal. I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why heare ye my Masters, was it for me to kill the Heire apparant? Should I turne vpon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware Instinct, the Lion will not touch the true Prince: Instinct is a great matter. I was a Coward on Instinct: I shall thinke the better of my selfe, and thee, during my life: I, for a valiant Lion, and thou for a true Prince. But Lads, I am glad you haue the Mony. Hostesse, clap to the doores: watch to night, pray to morrow. Gallants, Lads, Boyes, Harts of Gold, all the good Titles of Fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? shall we haue a Play extempory

Prin. We saw the four of you set on four and tied them up, and we were in control of their wealth. Now watch how a simple story can take you down. Then we two approached you four, and with just a word, we outsmarted you and took your prize; yes, we can show it to you at the house. And Falstaff, you ran off with your guts as fast and skillfully as ever, screaming for mercy, and you just kept running and roaring like a bull calf. What a slave you are, to hack your sword like that and then say it was in a fight. What trick? What deception? What escape route can you possibly find to hide from this obvious and public shame? Poines. Come on, let's hear from Jack: What trick have you got now? Fal. I know you as well as the person who created you. Listen, my masters, was it my job to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn against the true prince? Look, you know I’m as brave as Hercules, but be careful of instinct; a lion won’t attack the true prince. Instinct means a lot. I was a coward by instinct. I’ll think better of myself and you for the rest of my life; me for being a valiant lion, and you for being a true prince. But guys, I’m glad you have the money. Hostess, lock the doors: keep watch tonight, pray tomorrow. Gentlemen, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the good titles of friendship go to you. So, what, should we have fun? Should we put on an improvised play?

Prin. Content, and the argument shall be, thy runing away

Prin. Content, and the argument will be about your running away.

Fal. A, no more of that Hall, and thou louest me.

Fal. A, no more of that, Hall, and you love me.

Enter Hostesse

Enter Hostess

  Host. My Lord, the Prince?
  Prin. How now my Lady the Hostesse, what say'st
thou to me?
  Hostesse. Marry, my Lord, there is a Noble man of the
Court at doore would speake with you: hee sayes, hee
comes from your Father

Host. My Lord, the Prince?
  Prin. What’s up, my Lady the Hostess? What do you want to tell me?
  Hostess. Well, my Lord, there's a nobleman from the court at the door who wants to speak with you. He says he’s come from your father.

   Prin. Giue him as much as will make him a Royall
man, and send him backe againe to my Mother

Prin. Give him as much as will make him a royal
man, and send him back again to my mother

   Falst. What manner of man is hee?
  Hostesse. An old man

Falst. What kind of man is he?
  Hostess. An old man.

   Falst. What doth Grauitie out of his Bed at Midnight?
Shall I giue him his answere?
  Prin. Prethee doe Iacke

Falst. What does Gravity want out of his bed at midnight?
Should I give him my answer?
  Prin. Please do, Jack.

   Falst. 'Faith, and Ile send him packing.
Enter.

Falst. 'Honestly, I'll send him packing.
Enter.

Prince. Now Sirs: you fought faire; so did you Peto, so did you Bardol: you are Lyons too, you ranne away vpon instinct: you will not touch the true Prince; no, fie

Prince. Now, gentlemen: you fought fairly; so did you, Peto, and you, Bardol: you’re also lions; you ran away out of instinct: you won’t confront the true Prince; no, shame on you.

Bard. 'Faith, I ranne when I saw others runne

Bard. 'Honestly, I ran when I saw others running

Prin. Tell mee now in earnest, how came Falstaffes Sword so hackt? Peto. Why, he hackt it with his Dagger, and said, hee would sweare truth out of England, but hee would make you beleeue it was done in fight, and perswaded vs to doe the like

Prin. Tell me now for real, how did Falstaff's sword get so messed up? Peto. Well, he messed it up with his dagger and said he would swear it was from England, but he wanted you to believe it was from a fight, and he convinced us to do the same.

Bard. Yea, and to tickle our Noses with Spear-grasse, to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and sweare it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seuen yeeres before, I blusht to heare his monstrous deuices

Bard. Yeah, and to tickle our noses with spear grass, to make them bleed, and then to mess up our clothes with it, and swear it was the blood of real men. I did things I wouldn't have done seven years ago; I blushed just hearing his outrageous schemes.

   Prin. O Villaine, thou stolest a Cup of Sacke eighteene
yeeres agoe, and wert taken with the manner, and
euer since thou hast blusht extempore: thou hadst fire
and sword on thy side, and yet thou ranst away; what
instinct hadst thou for it?
  Bard. My Lord, doe you see these Meteors? doe you
behold these Exhalations?
  Prin. I doe
  Bard. What thinke you they portend?
  Prin. Hot Liuers, and cold Purses

Prin. Oh Villain, you stole a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and you were caught in the act, and ever since then you've been blushing on the spot: you had fire and sword on your side, and yet you ran away; what instinct made you do that?   Bard. My Lord, do you see these meteors? Do you see these exhalations?   Prin. I do.   Bard. What do you think they signify?   Prin. Warm hearts and cold wallets.

Bard. Choler, my Lord, if rightly taken

Bard. Anger, my Lord, if understood correctly

   Prin. No, if rightly taken, Halter.
Enter Falstaffe.

Prin. No, if understood correctly, Halter.
Enter Falstaff.

Heere comes leane Iacke, heere comes bare-bone. How now my sweet Creature of Bombast, how long is't agoe, Iacke, since thou saw'st thine owne Knee? Falst. My owne Knee? When I was about thy yeeres (Hal) I was not an Eagles Talent in the Waste, I could haue crept into any Aldermans Thumbe-Ring: a plague of sighing and griefe, it blowes a man vp like a Bladder. There's villanous Newes abroad; heere was Sir Iohn Braby from your Father; you must goe to the Court in the Morning. The same mad fellow of the North, Percy; and hee of Wales, that gaue Amamon the Bastinado, and made Lucifer Cuckold, and swore the Deuill his true Liege-man vpon the Crosse of a Welch-hooke; what a plague call you him? Poin. O, Glendower

Here comes lean Jack, here comes bare-bones. Hey now, my sweet Creature of Bombast, how long has it been, Jack, since you saw your own knee? Falst. My own knee? When I was about your age, Hal, I wasn't exactly athletic; I could have fit into any alderman's ring. A plague of sighing and grief, it just blows a man up like a balloon. There's terrible news going around; Sir John Braby came from your father. You have to go to court in the morning. That crazy guy from the North, Percy; and that guy from Wales, who gave Amamon a beating, made Lucifer a cuckold, and swore the Devil was his true lord on the cross of a Welsh hook; what's his name again? Poin. Oh, Glendower

   Falst. Owen, Owen; the same, and his Sonne in Law
Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and the sprightly
Scot of Scots, Dowglas, that runnes a Horse-backe vp a
Hill perpendicular

Falst. Owen, Owen; the same, and his son-in-law
Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and the lively
Scot of Scots, Douglas, who rides a horse up a
straight-up hill

   Prin. Hee that rides at high speede, and with a Pistoll
kills a Sparrow flying

Prin. He who rides at high speed and, with a pistol, kills a sparrow flying.

Falst. You haue hit it

False. You have hit it.

Prin. So did he neuer the Sparrow

Prin. So did he never the Sparrow

   Falst. Well, that Rascall hath good mettall in him,
hee will not runne

Falst. Well, that rascal has good spirit in him,
he will not run.

   Prin. Why, what a Rascall art thou then, to prayse him
so for running?
  Falst. A Horse-backe (ye Cuckoe) but a foot hee will
not budge a foot

Prin. Why, what a rascal you are to praise him
for running?
  Falst. A horseback (you cuckoo) but on foot he won’t
budge an inch

Prin. Yes Iacke, vpon instinct

Prin. Yes Jack, on instinct

Falst. I grant ye, vpon instinct: Well, hee is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blew-Cappes more. Worcester is stolne away by Night: thy Fathers Beard is turn'd white with the Newes; you may buy Land now as cheape as stinking Mackrell

Falst. I agree with you, just based on instinct: Well, he’s there too, along with Mordake and a thousand blue caps more. Worcester has sneaked away at night: your father's beard has turned white from the news; you can buy land now as cheaply as rotten mackerel.

Prin. Then 'tis like, if there come a hot Sunne, and this ciuill buffetting hold, wee shall buy Maiden-heads as they buy Hob-nayles, by the Hundreds

Prin. Then it seems that if a hot sun comes out and this civil bickering continues, we'll be buying virginities like they buy horseshoes, by the hundreds.

Falst. By the Masse Lad, thou say'st true, it is like wee shall haue good trading that way. But tell me Hal, art not thou horrible afear'd? thou being Heire apparant, could the World picke thee out three such Enemyes againe, as that Fiend Dowglas, that Spirit Percy, and that Deuill Glendower? Art not thou horrible afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it? Prin. Not a whit: I lacke some of thy instinct

Falst. By God, you’re right, it looks like we’re going to have good business this way. But tell me, Hal, aren’t you terrified? Being the heir apparent, could the world find you three enemies as vicious as that monster Douglas, that fierce Percy, and that devil Glendower? Aren’t you just a little scared? Don’t you feel a chill run through your blood? Prin. Not at all: I lack some of your instincts.

Falst. Well, thou wilt be horrible chidde to morrow, when thou commest to thy Father: if thou doe loue me, practise an answere

Falst. Well, you're going to be in real trouble tomorrow when you see your father. If you love me, come up with a response.

   Prin. Doe thou stand for my Father, and examine mee
vpon the particulars of my Life

Prin. Do you stand in for my father and question me
about the details of my life

   Falst. Shall I? content: This Chayre shall bee my
State, this Dagger my Scepter, and this Cushion my
Crowne

Falst. Should I? content: This chair will be my
throne, this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my
crown

   Prin. Thy State is taken for a Ioyn'd-Stoole, thy Golden
Scepter for a Leaden Dagger, and thy precious rich
Crowne, for a pittifull bald Crowne

Prin. Your position is seen as a public toilet, your golden scepter as a lead dagger, and your precious rich crown as a pitiful bald crown.

Falst. Well, and the fire of Grace be not quite out of thee now shalt thou be moued. Giue me a Cup of Sacke to make mine eyes looke redde, that it may be thought I haue wept, for I must speake in passion, and I will doe it in King Cambyses vaine

Falst. Well, if the fire of Grace isn’t completely gone from you, you’ll be stirred. Give me a cup of sherry to make my eyes look red so that it seems like I’ve been crying, because I need to speak with emotion, and I'll do it in King Cambyses' style.

Prin. Well, heere is my Legge

Principal: Here's my rule.

Falst. And heere is my speech: stand aside Nobilitie

Falst. And here is my speech: stand aside, Nobility

Hostesse. This is excellent sport, yfaith

Hostess. This is great fun, I swear.

   Falst. Weepe not, sweet Queene, for trickling teares
are vaine

Falst. Don't cry, sweet Queen, because shedding tears
is pointless

   Hostesse. O the Father, how hee holdes his countenance?
  Falst. For Gods sake Lords, conuey my trustfull Queen,
For teares doe stop the floud-gates of her eyes

Hostess. Oh Father, how he keeps his composure?
  Falstaff. For God's sake, Lords, take my loyal Queen away,
For tears stop up the floodgates of her eyes

   Hostesse. O rare, he doth it as like one of these harlotry
Players, as euer I see

Hostess. Oh rare, he does it just like one of those street performers,
Actors, as I've ever seen.

Falst. Peace good Pint-pot, peace good Tickle-braine. Harry, I doe not onely maruell where thou spendest thy time; but also, how thou art accompanied: For though the Camomile, the more it is troden, the faster it growes; yet Youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it weares. Thou art my Sonne: I haue partly thy Mothers Word, partly my Opinion; but chiefely, a villanous tricke of thine Eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether Lippe, that doth warrant me. If then thou be Sonne to mee, heere lyeth the point: why, being Sonne to me, art thou so poynted at? Shall the blessed Sonne of Heauen proue a Micher, and eate Black-berryes? a question not to bee askt. Shall the Sonne of England proue a Theefe, and take Purses? a question to be askt. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is knowne to many in our Land, by the Name of Pitch: this Pitch (as ancient Writers doe report) doth defile; so doth the companie thou keepest: for Harry, now I doe not speake to thee in Drinke, but in Teares; not in Pleasure, but in Passion; not in Words onely, but in Woes also: and yet there is a vertuous man, whom I haue often noted in thy companie, but I know not his Name

Falst. Peace, good Pint-pot, peace, good Tickle-brain. Harry, I not only wonder where you spend your time, but also who you hang out with. Because although chamomile grows stronger when stepped on, youth, the more it's wasted, the quicker it wears out. You are my son: I have partly your mother's word, partly my own opinion; but mainly, a wicked look in your eye and a silly droop of your lower lip that convince me. If you are my son, here’s the question: why, being my son, are you so pointed at? Should the blessed Son of Heaven be a scavenger and eat blackberries? That’s a question that shouldn’t be asked. Should the Son of England become a thief and steal purses? That’s a question worth asking. There’s something, Harry, that you’ve often heard about, and many in our land know it by the name of pitch: this pitch (as ancient writers report) does taint; so does the company you keep. Because, Harry, I’m not speaking to you in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not just in words, but in woes too: and yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often seen with you, but I don’t know his name.

Prin. What manner of man, and it like your Maiestie? Falst. A goodly portly man yfaith, and a corpulent, of a chearefull Looke, a pleasing Eye, and a most noble Carriage, and as I thinke, his age some fiftie, or (byrlady) inclining to threescore; and now I remember mee, his Name is Falstaffe: if that man should be lewdly giuen, hee deceiues mee; for Harry, I see Vertue in his Lookes. If then the Tree may be knowne by the Fruit, as the Fruit by the Tree, then peremptorily I speake it, there is Vertue in that Falstaffe: him keepe with, the rest banish. And tell mee now, thou naughtie Varlet, tell mee, where hast thou beene this moneth? Prin. Do'st thou speake like a King? doe thou stand for mee, and Ile play my Father

Prin. What kind of man is he, if I may ask, Your Majesty? Falst. He’s a good-looking, portly man, really. He’s cheerful, has a pleasing eye, and carries himself nobly. I think he’s about fifty, or maybe pushing sixty; and now that I think about it, his name is Falstaff. If he were a wicked man, he’d fool me, because I see virtue in his looks. If a tree is known by its fruit, then I’m certain that there’s virtue in Falstaff. Keep him close, and banish the rest. Now tell me, you mischievous rascal, where have you been this month? Prin. Do you speak like a King? You take my place, and I’ll act as your father.

Falst. Depose me: if thou do'st it halfe so grauely, so maiestically, both in word and matter, hang me vp by the heeles for a Rabbet-sucker, or a Poulters Hare

Falst. Go ahead and dismiss me: if you do it even half as seriously and majestically, both in what you say and how you act, hang me upside down like a rabbit or a plucked hare.

Prin. Well, heere I am set

Prin. Here I am.

Falst. And heere I stand: iudge my Masters

Falst. And here I stand: judge my masters.

   Prin. Now Harry, whence come you?
  Falst. My Noble Lord, from East-cheape

Prin. Now Harry, where are you coming from?
  Falst. My noble lord, from East Cheap.

Prin. The complaints I heare of thee, are grieuous

Prin. The complaints I hear about you are serious.

Falst. Yfaith, my Lord, they are false: Nay, Ile tickle ye for a young Prince

Falst. Honestly, my Lord, they’re not true: No, I’ll get you for a young Prince.

Prin. Swearest thou, vngracious Boy? henceforth ne're looke on me: thou art violently carryed away from Grace: there is a Deuill haunts thee, in the likenesse of a fat old Man; a Tunne of Man is thy Companion: Why do'st thou conuerse with that Trunke of Humors, that Boulting-Hutch of Beastlinesse, that swolne Parcell of Dropsies, that huge Bombard of Sacke, that stuft Cloakebagge of Guts, that rosted Manning Tree Oxe with the Pudding in his Belly, that reuerend Vice, that grey iniquitie, that Father Ruffian, that Vanitie in yeeres? wherein is he good, but to taste Sacke, and drinke it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carue a Capon, and eat it? wherein Cunning, but in Craft? wherein Craftie, but in Villanie? wherein Villanous, but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing? Falst. I would your Grace would take me with you: whom meanes your Grace? Prince. That villanous abhominable mis-leader of Youth, Falstaffe, that old white-bearded Sathan

Prin. Are you seriously swearing, you ungracious boy? Don't ever look at me again: you're completely lost to grace. There's a devil haunting you, in the form of a fat old man; a huge man is your companion. Why are you spending time with that bundle of bad habits, that barrel of excess, that swollen mass of indulgence, that big sack of wine, that stuffed bag of guts, that roasted ox with pudding in its belly, that dishonorable vice, that gray villainy, that father of ruffians, that foolishness in old age? What good is he, other than drinking wine? What is neat and clean about him, other than carving up a capon and eating it? What is crafty about him, except in deception? What is sneaky about him, except in wickedness? What is villainous about him, except in everything? What is he worth, except in nothing? Falst. I wish your grace would take me with you: who do you mean, your grace? Prince. That villainous, despicable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

Falst. My Lord, the man I know

Falst. My Lord, the guy I know

Prince. I know thou do'st

Prince. I know you do

Falst. But to say, I know more harme in him then in my selfe, were to say more then I know. That hee is olde (the more the pittie) his white hayres doe witnesse it: but that hee is (sauing your reuerence) a Whore-master, that I vtterly deny. If Sacke and Sugar bee a fault, Heauen helpe the Wicked: if to be olde and merry, be a sinne, then many an olde Hoste that I know, is damn'd: if to be fat, be to be hated, then Pharaohs leane Kine are to be loued. No, my good Lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poines: but for sweete Iacke Falstaffe, kinde Iacke Falstaffe, true Iacke Falstaffe, valiant Iacke Falstaffe, and therefore more valiant, being as hee is olde Iack Falstaffe, banish not him thy Harryes companie, banish not him thy Harryes companie; banish plumpe Iacke, and banish all the World

Falstaff. But to say that I know more harm in him than in myself would be to say more than I actually know. That he is old (which is a pity) his white hair shows clearly: but that he is, with all due respect, a womanizer, I completely deny. If drinking sack and sugar is a fault, then heaven help the wicked: if being old and cheerful is a sin, then many an elderly innkeeper I know is doomed: if being overweight is something to be despised, then Pharaoh’s lean cows should be loved. No, my good Lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poines: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff— and therefore even more valiant for being old—don’t banish him from your company, Harry; don’t banish him from your company; banish plump Jack, and you’ll banish the entire world.

   Prince. I doe, I will.
Enter Bardolph running.

Prince. I do, I will.
Enter Bardolph running.

  Bard. O, my Lord, my Lord, the Sherife, with a most
monstrous Watch, is at the doore

Bard. Oh, my Lord, my Lord, the Sheriff, with a huge Watch, is at the door

Falst. Out you Rogue, play out the Play: I haue much to say in the behalfe of that Falstaffe. Enter the Hostesse.

Falst. Get out of here, you trickster, perform your role: I have a lot to say in defense of that Falstaff. Enter the Hostess.

Hostesse. O, my Lord, my Lord

Hostess. Oh, my Lord, my Lord

   Falst. Heigh, heigh, the Deuill rides vpon a Fiddlesticke:
what's the matter?
  Hostesse. The Sherife and all the Watch are at the
doore: they are come to search the House, shall I let
them in?
  Falst. Do'st thou heare Hal, neuer call a true peece of
Gold a Counterfeit: thou art essentially made, without
seeming so

Falst. Hey, hey, the devil rides on a fiddlestick:
What's going on?
  Hostess. The sheriff and all the watch are at the
door: they came to search the house. Should I let
them in?
  Falst. Do you hear, Hal? Never call a real piece of
gold a counterfeit: you are genuinely made, without
seeming so.

Prince. And thou a naturall Coward, without instinct

Prince. And you a natural coward, without any instinct

Falst. I deny your Maior: if you will deny the Sherife, so: if not, let him enter. If I become not a Cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing vp: I hope I shall as soone be strangled with a Halter, as another

Falst. I reject your Mayor: if you're going to reject the Sheriff too, fine. If not, let him come in. If I don't turn out to be a fool like anyone else, curse my upbringing: I hope I’ll be just as likely to get hanged as anyone else.

Prince. Goe hide thee behinde the Arras, the rest walke vp aboue. Now my Masters, for a true Face and good Conscience

Prince. Go hide behind the tapestry, the rest go upstairs. Now my friends, for a true face and a good conscience.

Falst. Both which I haue had: but their date is out, and therefore Ile hide me. Enter.

Falst. I've had both of those, but their time has passed, so I'll keep to myself. Enter.

  Prince. Call in the Sherife.
Enter Sherife and the Carrier.

Prince. Bring in the Sheriff.
Enter Sheriff and the Carrier.

  Prince. Now Master Sherife, what is your will with
mee?
  She. First pardon me, my Lord. A Hue and Cry hath
followed certaine men vnto this house

Prince. Now Master Sherife, what do you want from me?
  She. First, forgive me, my Lord. A Hue and Cry has followed certain men to this house

   Prince. What men?
  She. One of them is well knowne, my gracious Lord,
a grosse fat man

Prince. What men?
  She. One of them is well known, my gracious Lord,
a big fat man

Car. As fat as Butter

Car. As big as butter.

   Prince. The man, I doe assure you, is not heere,
For I my selfe at this time haue imploy'd him:
And Sherife, I will engage my word to thee,
That I will by to morrow Dinner time,
Send him to answere thee, or any man,
For any thing he shall be charg'd withall:
And so let me entreat you, leaue the house

Prince. I assure you, the man is not here,
Because I’ve got him occupied right now:
And Sheriff, I promise you,
That by tomorrow lunchtime,
I’ll send him to respond to you, or anyone,
For anything he’s been accused of:
So please, let me ask you to leave the house

   She. I will, my Lord: there are two Gentlemen
Haue in this Robberie lost three hundred Markes

She. I will, my Lord: there are two gentlemen
Who have lost three hundred marks in this robbery.

   Prince. It may be so: if he haue robb'd these men,
He shall be answerable: and so farewell

Prince. That might be the case: if he has robbed these men,
He will be held accountable: and so goodbye

She. Good Night, my Noble Lord

She. Good night, my noble lord.

   Prince. I thinke it is good Morrow, is it not?
  She. Indeede, my Lord, I thinke it be two a Clocke.
Enter.

Prince. I think it's a good morning, isn't it?
  She. Indeed, my Lord, I think it's two o'clock.
Enter.

  Prince. This oyly Rascall is knowne as well as Poules:
goe call him forth

Prince. This oily scoundrel is as well known as St. Paul's:
go call him out

   Peto. Falstaffe? fast asleepe behinde the Arras, and
snorting like a Horse

Peto. Falstaff? He's fast asleep behind the curtain, and
snoring like a horse

   Prince. Harke, how hard he fetches breath: search his
Pockets.

Prince. Look how hard he’s breathing: search his
Pockets.

He searcheth his Pockets, and findeth certaine Papers.

He searches his pockets and finds some papers.

  Prince. What hast thou found?
  Peto. Nothing but Papers, my Lord

Prince. What have you found?
  Peto. Nothing but papers, my Lord

Prince. Let's see, what be they? reade them

Prince. Let's see, what are they? Read them.

   Peto. Item, a Capon. ii.s.ii.d.
Item, Sawce iiii.d.
Item, Sacke, two Gallons. v.s.viii.d.
Item, Anchoues and Sacke after Supper. ii.s.vi.d.
Item, Bread. ob

Peto. Also, a capon. 2s. 2d.
Also, sauce 4d.
Also, sack, two gallons. 5s. 8d.
Also, anchovies and sack after supper. 2s. 6d.
Also, bread. 1/2d.

Prince. O monstrous, but one halfe penny-worth of Bread to this intollerable deale of Sacke? What there is else, keepe close, wee'le reade it at more aduantage: there let him sleepe till day. Ile to the Court in the Morning: Wee must all to the Warres, and thy place shall be honorable. Ile procure this fat Rogue a Charge of Foot, and I know his death will be a Match of Twelue-score. The Money shall be pay'd backe againe with aduantage. Be with me betimes in the Morning: and so good morrow Peto

Prince. Oh, what a crazy deal—just half a penny's worth of bread for this huge amount of wine? Whatever else there is, keep it hidden; we'll read it later when it's more useful. Let him sleep until morning. I’m heading to the court in the morning: we all have to go to war, and you’ll have an important role. I’ll get this fat guy a position in the foot soldiers, and I know his death will be worth twelve hundred. The money will be repaid with interest. Be with me early in the morning. Good morning, Peto.

Peto. Good morrow, good my Lord.

Peto. Good morning, my Lord.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Actus Tertius. Scena Prima.

Act Three. Scene One.

Enter Hotspurre, Worcester, Lord Mortimer, Owen Glendower.

Enter Hotspur, Worcester, Lord Mortimer, and Owen Glendower.

  Mort. These promises are faire, the parties sure,
And our induction full of prosperous hope

Mort. These promises are fair, the parties certain,
And our introduction full of hopeful success

   Hotsp. Lord Mortimer, and Cousin Glendower,
Will you sit downe?
And Vnckle Worcester; a plague vpon it,
I haue forgot the Mappe

Hotsp. Lord Mortimer, and Cousin Glendower,
Will you sit down?
And Uncle Worcester; a plague on it,
I have forgotten the Map.

   Glend. No, here it is:
Sit Cousin Percy, sit good Cousin Hotspurre:
For by that Name, as oft as Lancaster doth speake of you,
His Cheekes looke pale, and with a rising sigh,
He wisheth you in Heauen

Glend. No, here it is:
Sit Cousin Percy, sit good Cousin Hotspurre:
For by that name, whenever Lancaster talks about you,
His cheeks go pale, and with a deep sigh,
He wishes you in heaven.

   Hotsp. And you in Hell, as oft as he heares Owen Glendower
spoke of

Hotsp. And you in Hell, whenever he hears Owen Glendower speak of

   Glend. I cannot blame him: At my Natiuitie,
The front of Heauen was full of fierie shapes,
Of burning Cressets: and at my Birth,
The frame and foundation of the Earth
Shak'd like a Coward

Glend. I can't fault him: At my birth,
The sky was filled with fiery figures,
With burning torches: and at my arrival,
The ground and foundation of the Earth
Shook like a coward.

Hotsp. Why so it would haue done at the same season, if your Mothers Cat had but kitten'd, though your selfe had neuer beene borne

Hotsp. It would have happened at the same time, even if your mother's cat had just given birth to kittens, even if you had never been born.

Glend. I say the Earth did shake when I was borne

Glend. I say the Earth shook when I was born.

   Hotsp. And I say the Earth was not of my minde,
If you suppose, as fearing you, it shooke

Hotsp. And I say the Earth wasn't in my thoughts,
If you think, out of fear of you, it trembled

   Glend. The heauens were all on fire, the Earth did
tremble

Glend. The heavens were all on fire, the Earth did
tremble

   Hotsp. Oh, then the Earth shooke
To see the Heauens on fire,
And not in feare of your Natiuitie.
Diseased Nature oftentimes breakes forth
In strange eruptions; and the teeming Earth
Is with a kinde of Collick pincht and vext,
By the imprisoning of vnruly Winde
Within her Wombe: which for enlargement striuing,
Shakes the old Beldame Earth, and tombles downe
Steeples, and mosse-growne Towers. At your Birth,
Our Grandam Earth, hauing this distemperature,
In passion shooke

Hotsp. Oh, then the Earth shook
To see the heavens on fire,
And not out of fear of your birth.
Sick Nature often breaks out
In strange eruptions; and the restless Earth
Is kind of cramping and agitated,
By the trapping of unruly Wind
Within her womb: which, striving for expansion,
Shakes the old Mother Earth, and topples down
Steeples and moss-covered towers. At your birth,
Our Grandmother Earth, having this disturbance,
Shook in anger.

   Glend. Cousin: of many men
I doe not beare these Crossings: Giue me leaue
To tell you once againe, that at my Birth
The front of Heauen was full of fierie shapes,
The Goates ranne from the Mountaines, and the Heards
Were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields:
These signes haue markt me extraordinarie,
And all the courses of my Life doe shew,
I am not in the Roll of common men.
Where is the Liuing, clipt in with the Sea,
That chides the Bankes of England, Scotland, and Wales,
Which calls me Pupill, or hath read to me?
And bring him out, that is but Womans Sonne,
Can trace me in the tedious wayes of Art,
And hold me pace in deepe experiments

Glend. Cousin: of many men
I cannot stand these interruptions: Give me a moment
To tell you once again, that at my birth
The sky was full of fiery shapes,
The goats ran down from the mountains, and the herds
Were oddly loud, scaring the fields:
These signs have marked me as extraordinary,
And all the events of my life show
I am not just an ordinary person.
Where is the one living, caught in with the sea,
That troubles the shores of England, Scotland, and Wales,
Who calls me student, or has read to me?
And bring out anyone who is just a woman's son,
Can trace me through the complicated ways of art,
And keep pace with me in deep experiments

   Hotsp. I thinke there's no man speakes better Welsh:
Ile to Dinner

Hotsp. I think there's no one who speaks Welsh better:
I’ll go to dinner.

Mort. Peace cousin Percy, you will make him mad

Mort. Peace, cousin Percy, you're going to make him crazy.

Glend. I can call Spirits from the vastie Deepe

Glend. I can summon spirits from the deep vastness.

   Hotsp. Why so can I, or so can any man:
But will they come, when you doe call for them?
  Glend. Why, I can teach thee, Cousin, to command the
Deuill

Hotsp. I can do that, just like any man can:
But will they show up when you call for them?
  Glend. Well, I can teach you, Cousin, how to summon the
Devil

   Hotsp. And I can teach thee, Cousin, to shame the Deuil,
By telling truth. Tell truth, and shame the Deuill.
If thou haue power to rayse him, bring him hither,
And Ile be sworne, I haue power to shame him hence.
Oh, while you liue, tell truth, and shame the Deuill

Hotsp. And I can teach you, Cousin, how to embarrass the Devil,
By speaking the truth. Speak the truth, and embarrass the Devil.
If you have the ability to summon him, bring him here,
And I swear, I have the power to send him away.
Oh, while you live, speak the truth, and embarrass the Devil.

   Mort. Come, come, no more of this vnprofitable
Chat

Mort. Come on, enough of this pointless
Chat

   Glend. Three times hath Henry Bullingbrooke made head
Against my Power: thrice from the Banks of Wye,
And sandy-bottom'd Seuerne, haue I hent him
Bootlesse home, and Weather-beaten backe

Glend. Three times Henry Bullingbrooke has stood up
Against my power: three times from the banks of Wye,
And the sandy-bottomed Severn, I have sent him
Home empty-handed and weather-beaten back.

   Hotsp. Home without Bootes,
And in foule Weather too,
How scapes he Agues in the Deuils name?
  Glend. Come, heere's the Mappe:
Shall wee diuide our Right,
According to our three-fold order ta'ne?
  Mort. The Arch-Deacon hath diuided it
Into three Limits, very equally:
England, from Trent, and Seuerne. hitherto,
By South and East, is to my part assign'd:
All Westward, Wales, beyond the Seuerne shore,
And all the fertile Land within that bound,
To Owen Glendower: And deare Couze, to you
The remnant Northward, lying off from Trent.
And our Indentures Tripartite are drawne:
Which being sealed enterchangeably,
(A Businesse that this Night may execute)
To morrow, Cousin Percy, you and I,
And my good Lord of Worcester, will set forth,
To meete your Father, and the Scottish Power,
As is appointed vs at Shrewsbury.
My Father Glendower is not readie yet,
Nor shall wee neede his helpe these foureteene dayes:
Within that space, you may haue drawne together
Your Tenants, Friends, and neighbouring Gentlemen

Hotsp. Home without Bootes,
And in foul weather too,
How does he escape fevers in the devil's name?
  Glend. Come, here’s the map:
Should we divide our territory,
According to our three-fold agreement?
  Mort. The Arch-Deacon has divided it
Into three sections, very fairly:
England, from Trent to Severn, up to here,
By south and east, is assigned to me:
All westward, Wales, beyond the Severn shore,
And all the fertile land within that boundary,
To Owen Glendower: And dear cousin, to you
The remaining northern part, off from Trent.
And our tripartite agreements are drawn up:
Which, once sealed interchangeably,
(A task we can accomplish tonight)
Tomorrow, Cousin Percy, you and I,
And my good Lord of Worcester, will head out,
To meet your father and the Scottish forces,
As is arranged for us at Shrewsbury.
My father Glendower isn't ready yet,
Nor will we need his help for these fourteen days:
Within that time, you may have gathered together
Your tenants, friends, and neighboring gentlemen.

   Glend. A shorter time shall send me to you, Lords:
And in my Conduct shall your Ladies come,
From whom you now must steale, and take no leaue,
For there will be a World of Water shed,
Vpon the parting of your Wiues and you

Glend. I'll be with you soon, Lords:
And your Ladies will follow me,
From whom you must now sneak away without saying goodbye,
Because there will be a lot of tears shed
When you part from your wives.

   Hotsp. Me thinks my Moity, North from Burton here,
In quantitie equals not one of yours:
See, how this Riuer comes me cranking in,
And cuts me from the best of all my Land,
A huge halfe Moone, a monstrous Cantle out.
Ile haue the Currant in this place damn'd vp,
And here the smug and Siluer Trent shall runne,
In a new Channell, faire and euenly:
It shall not winde with such a deepe indent,
To rob me of so rich a Bottome here

Hotsp. I think my land up north from Burton here,
Is not even close to the amount of yours:
Look how this river sneaks in,
And cuts me off from the best part of my land,
A huge crescent, a massive chunk out.
I’ll have the current in this spot blocked up,
And here the clean and silver Trent will flow,
In a new channel, smooth and straight:
It won't wind with such a deep curve,
To rob me of such a rich bottom land here

Glend. Not winde? it shall, it must, you see it doth

Glend. Not wind? It will, it has to, you can see it does.

   Mort. Yea, but marke how he beares his course,
And runnes me vp, with like aduantage on the other side,
Gelding the opposed Continent as much,
As on the other side it takes from you

Mort. Yeah, but see how he drives his path,
And runs me up, with the same advantage on the other side,
Neutralizing the opposing land just as much,
As it takes from you on the other side.

   Worc. Yea, but a little Charge will trench him here,
And on this North side winne this Cape of Land,
And then he runnes straight and euen

Worc. Yeah, but a little effort will get him here,
And on this North side, take this piece of land,
And then he runs straight and even

Hotsp. Ile haue it so, a little Charge will doe it

Hotsp. I want it that way; a little effort will do it.

Glend. Ile not haue it alter'd

Glend. I won’t have it changed.

   Hotsp. Will not you?
  Glend. No, nor you shall not

Hotsp. Won't you?
  Glend. No, and you won't either.

   Hotsp. Who shall say me nay?
  Glend. Why, that will I

Hotsp. Who's going to say no to me?
  Glend. Well, I will

   Hotsp. let me not vnderstand you then, speake it in
Welsh

Hotsp. let me not understand you then, speak it in
Welsh

   Glend. I can speake English, Lord, as well as you:
For I was trayn'd vp in the English Court;
Where, being but young, I framed to the Harpe
Many an English Dittie, louely well,
And gaue the Tongue a helpefull Ornament;
A Vertue that was neuer seene in you

Glend. I can speak English, Lord, just as well as you:
Because I was raised in the English Court;
Where, when I was young, I composed many lovely English songs for the harp,
And gave the language a helpful touch;
A skill that has never been seen in you.

   Hotsp. Marry, and I am glad of it with all my heart,
I had rather be a Kitten, and cry mew,
Then one of these same Meeter Ballad-mongers:
I had rather heare a Brazen Candlestick turn'd,
Or a dry Wheele grate on the Axle-tree,
And that would set my teeth nothing an edge,
Nothing so much, as mincing Poetrie;
'Tis like the forc't gate of a shuffling Nagge

Hotspur: Marry, I’m really glad about that with all my heart,
I’d rather be a kitten and meow,
Than be one of these same meter ballad sellers:
I’d prefer to hear a metal candlestick being turned,
Or a dry wheel grinding on the axle,
And that wouldn’t bother my teeth at all,
Nothing annoys me more than flowery poetry;
It’s like the forced gait of a shuffling horse.

Glend. Come, you shall haue Trent turn'd

Glend. Come on, you'll have Trent turned.

   Hotsp. I doe not care: Ile giue thrice so much Land
To any well-deseruing friend;
But in the way of Bargaine, marke ye me,
Ile cauill on the ninth part of a hayre.
Are the Indentures drawne? shall we be gone?
  Glend. The Moone shines faire,
You may away by Night:
Ile haste the Writer; and withall,
Breake with your Wiues, of your departure hence:
I am afraid my Daughter will runne madde,
So much she doteth on her Mortimer.
Enter.

Hotspur: I don’t care. I’ll give three times as much land
to any good friend;
But when it comes to business, mark my words,
I’ll argue over the tiniest details.
Are the contracts drawn up? Shall we leave?
  Glen: The moon is shining brightly,
You can leave at night:
I’ll hurry to get the writer; and at the same time,
Talk to your wives about your departure:
I’m worried my daughter will go crazy,
Since she’s so infatuated with Mortimer.
(Exit.)

Mort. Fie, Cousin Percy, how you crosse my Father

Mort. Ugh, Cousin Percy, how you upset my dad.

   Hotsp. I cannot chuse: sometime he angers me,
With telling me of the Moldwarpe and the Ant,
Of the Dreamer Merlin, and his Prophecies;
And of a Dragon, and a finne-lesse Fish,
A clip-wing'd Griffin, and a moulten Rauen,
A couching Lyon, and a ramping Cat,
And such a deale of skimble-skamble Stuffe,
As puts me from my Faith. I tell you what,
He held me last Night, at least, nine howres,
In reckning vp the seuerall Deuils Names,
That were his Lacqueyes:
I cry'd hum, and well, goe too,
But mark'd him not a word. O, he is as tedious
As a tyred Horse, a rayling Wife,
Worse then a smoakie House. I had rather liue
With Cheese and Garlick in a Windmill farre,
Then feede on Cates, and haue him talke to me,
In any Summer-House in Christendome

Hotsp. I can't choose: sometimes he gets on my nerves,
By telling me about the Mole and the Ant,
About the Dreamer Merlin and his Prophecies;
And about a Dragon, and a finless Fish,
A wing-clipped Griffin, and a molten Raven,
A crouching Lion, and a leaping Cat,
And so much silly stuff,
That it shakes my beliefs. I'll tell you what,
He kept me last night for at least nine hours,
Counting up the various names of Devils
That were his servants:
I would say "hmm," and "well, alright,"
But I didn't pay attention to a word he said. Oh, he is as annoying
As a tired Horse, a nagging Wife,
Worse than a smoky House. I'd rather live
With Cheese and Garlic in a Windmill far away,
Than feast on delicacies and have him talk to me,
In any Summer House in Christendom.

   Mort. In faith he was a worthy Gentleman,
Exceeding well read, and profited,
In strange Concealements:
Valiant as a Lyon, and wondrous affable,
And as Bountifull, as Mynes of India.
Shall I tell you, Cousin,
He holds your temper in a high respect,
And curbes himselfe, euen of his naturall scope,
When you doe crosse his humor: 'faith he does.
I warrant you, that man is not aliue,
Might so haue tempted him, as you haue done,
Without the taste of danger, and reproofe:
But doe not vse it oft, let me entreat you

Mort. Honestly, he was a great guy,
Well-read and knowledgeable,
In unusual matters:
Brave as a lion and incredibly friendly,
And as generous as the mines of India.
Should I tell you, cousin,
He thinks highly of your temperament,
And holds himself back, even against his natural instincts,
When you disagree with him: I swear he does.
I guarantee you, no one else is alive,
Could have tempted him like you have,
Without facing some danger or criticism:
But please don’t do it too often, I beg you.

   Worc. In faith, my Lord, you are too wilfull blame,
And since your comming hither, haue done enough,
To put him quite besides his patience.
You must needes learne, Lord, to amend this fault:
Though sometimes it shew Greatnesse, Courage, Blood,
And that's the dearest grace it renders you;
Yet oftentimes it doth present harsh Rage,
Defect of Manners, want of Gouernment,
Pride, Haughtinesse, Opinion, and Disdaine:
The least of which, haunting a Nobleman,
Loseth mens hearts, and leaues behinde a stayne
Vpon the beautie of all parts besides,
Beguiling them of commendation

Worc. Honestly, my Lord, you're too stubborn and blameworthy,
And since you've come here, you've done enough,
To completely test his patience.
You really need to learn to fix this issue, my Lord:
Though it sometimes shows greatness, courage, blood,
And that’s the most precious grace it gives you;
It often shows harsh anger,
A lack of manners, poor leadership,
Pride, arrogance, opinion, and disdain:
The least of which, following a nobleman,
Makes people lose respect for you and leaves a stain
On the beauty of all your other qualities,
Tricking them out of praise.

   Hotsp. Well, I am school'd:
Good-manners be your speede;
Heere come your Wiues, and let vs take our leaue.
Enter Glendower, with the Ladies.

Hotsp. Well, I've been taught:
Good manners be your success;
Here come your wives, and let’s say our goodbyes.
Enter Glendower, with the ladies.

  Mort. This is the deadly spight, that angers me,
My Wife can speake no English, I no Welsh

Mort. This is the deadly spite that frustrates me,
My wife can't speak any English, and I don't know Welsh.

   Glend. My Daughter weepes, shee'le not part with you,
Shee'le be a Souldier too, shee'le to the Warres

Glend. My daughter weeps, she won't part with you,
She'll be a soldier too, she'll go to war

   Mort. Good Father tell her, that she and my Aunt Percy
Shall follow in your Conduct speedily.

Mort. Good Father, tell her that she and my Aunt Percy
should follow your lead soon.

Glendower speakes to her in Welsh, and she answeres him in the same.

Glendower speaks to her in Welsh, and she responds to him in the same language.

  Glend. Shee is desperate heere:
A peeuish selfe-will'd Harlotry,
One that no perswasion can doe good vpon.

Glend. She is desperate here:
A spoiled, stubborn woman,
Someone that no persuasion can help.

The Lady speakes in Welsh.

The lady speaks Welsh.

  Mort. I vnderstand thy Lookes: that pretty Welsh
Which thou powr'st down from these swelling Heauens,
I am too perfect in: and but for shame,
In such a parley should I answere thee.

Mort. I understand your looks: that sweet Welsh
Which you pour down from these swelling heavens,
I know too well: and if it weren't for shame,
In such a conversation, I would reply to you.

The Lady againe in welsh.

The Lady again in Welsh.

  Mort. I vnderstand thy Kisses, and thou mine,
And that's a feeling disputation:
But I will neuer be a Truant, Loue,
Till I haue learn'd thy Language: for thy tongue
Makes Welsh as sweet as Ditties highly penn'd,
Sung by a faire Queene in a Summers Bowre,
With rauishing Diuision to her Lute

Mort. I understand your kisses, and you understand mine,
And that's a meaningful argument:
But I will never be unfaithful, love,
Until I’ve learned your language: because your voice
Makes Welsh sound as sweet as beautifully written songs,
Sung by a lovely queen in a summer bower,
With enchanting melodies on her lute

Glend. Nay, if thou melt, then will she runne madde.

Glend. No, if you fall apart, then she’ll go crazy.

The Lady speakes againe in Welsh.

The Lady speaks again in Welsh.

Mort. O, I am Ignorance it selfe in this

Mort. Oh, I am ignorance itself in this.

   Glend. She bids you,
On the wanton Rushes lay you downe,
And rest your gentle Head vpon her Lappe,
And she will sing the Song that pleaseth you,
And on your Eye-lids Crowne the God of Sleepe,
Charming your blood with pleasing heauinesse;
Making such difference betwixt Wake and Sleepe,
As is the difference betwixt Day and Night,
The houre before the Heauenly Harneis'd Teeme
Begins his Golden Progresse in the East

Glend. She invites you,
To lie down on the soft rushes,
And rest your gentle head on her lap,
And she'll sing the song you love,
And on your eyelids crown the god of sleep,
Enchanting you with a pleasing heaviness;
Creating such a difference between wakefulness and sleep,
As there is between day and night,
The hour before the heavenly harnessed team
Starts its golden journey in the east

   Mort. With all my heart Ile sit, and heare her sing:
By that time will our Booke, I thinke, be drawne

Mort. With all my heart I'll sit and listen to her sing:
By that time, I believe our book will be finished

   Glend. Doe so:
And those Musitians that shall play to you,
Hang in the Ayre a thousand Leagues from thence;
And straight they shall be here: sit, and attend

Glend. Doe so:
And those musicians who will play for you,
Will be a thousand leagues away up in the air;
And they'll be here right away: sit and listen.

   Hotsp. Come Kate, thou art perfect in lying downe:
Come, quicke, quicke, that I may lay my Head in thy
Lappe

Hotsp. Come, Kate, you’re great at lying down:
Come on, hurry up, so I can lay my head in your
lap

Lady. Goe, ye giddy-Goose.

Lady. Go, you silly goose.

The Musicke playes.

The music plays.

  Hotsp. Now I perceiue the Deuill vnderstands Welsh,
And 'tis no maruell he is so humorous:
Byrlady hee's a good Musitian

Hotsp. Now I see the Devil understands Welsh,
And it's no wonder he's so witty:
By God, he's a good musician

   Lady. Then would you be nothing but Musicall,
For you are altogether gouerned by humors:
Lye still ye Theefe, and heare the Lady sing in Welsh

Lady. So, would you be nothing but musical,
Since you are completely governed by moods:
Stay quiet, you thief, and listen to the lady sing in Welsh

   Hotsp. I had rather heare (Lady) my Brach howle in
Irish

Hotsp. I’d rather hear (Lady) my Brach howl in
Irish

   Lady. Would'st haue thy Head broken?
  Hotsp. No

Lady. Do you want your head broken?
  Hotsp. No

Lady. Then be still

Ma'am. Then be still

Hotsp. Neyther, 'tis a Womans fault

Hotsp. Neither, it's a woman's fault.

Lady. Now God helpe thee

Lady. Now God help you

Hotsp. To the Welsh Ladies Bed

Hotsp. To the Welsh Ladies Bed

   Lady. What's that?
  Hotsp. Peace, shee sings.

Lady. What's that?
  Hotsp. Quiet, she's singing.

Heere the Lady sings a Welsh Song.

Heere the Lady sings a Welsh song.

Hotsp. Come, Ile haue your Song too

Hotsp. Come, I'll have your song too.

Lady. Not mine, in good sooth

Lady. Not mine, I assure you.

   Hotsp. Not yours, in good sooth?
You sweare like a Comfit-makers Wife:
Not you, in good sooth; and, as true as I liue;
And, as God shall mend me; and, as sure as day:
And giuest such Sarcenet suretie for thy Oathes,
As if thou neuer walk'st further then Finsbury.
Sweare me, Kate, like a Lady, as thou art,
A good mouth-filling Oath: and leaue in sooth,
And such protest of Pepper Ginger-bread,
To Veluet-Guards, and Sunday-Citizens.
Come, sing

Hotsp. Not yours, really?
You swear like a candy maker's wife:
Not you, honestly; and as true as I live;
And, as my God helps me; and as certain as day:
And you give such flimsy assurances for your oaths,
As if you've never walked further than Finsbury.
Swear to me, Kate, like a lady, as you are,
A solid, impressive oath: and drop the nonsense,
And those claims that sound like sweet fairy tales,
To fancy people and Sunday shoppers.
Come, sing

Lady. I will not sing

Lady, I'm not singing.

Hotsp. 'Tis the next way to turne Taylor, or be Redbrest teacher: and the Indentures be drawne, Ile away within these two howres: and so come in, when yee will. Enter.

Hotsp. It's the best way to get Taylor to join us, or to become a Redbreast teacher: and the agreements are all set up, I'll be leaving in the next couple of hours: so come in whenever you want. Enter.

  Glend. Come, come, Lord Mortimer, you are as slow,
As hot Lord Percy is on fire to goe.
By this our Booke is drawne: wee'le but seale,
And then to Horse immediately

Glend. Come on, Lord Mortimer, you're as slow,
As eager as Lord Percy is to go.
By this, our plan is set: we'll just seal,
And then we'll get on our horses right away.

Mort. With all my heart.

Mort. With all my love.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scaena Secunda.

Act Two.

Enter the King, Prince of Wales, and others.

Enter the King, Prince of Wales, and others.

  King. Lords, giue vs leaue:
The Prince of Wales, and I,
Must haue some priuate conference:
But be neere at hand,
For wee shall presently haue neede of you.

King. Lords, give us a moment:
The Prince of Wales and I,
Need to have a private talk:
But stay close by,
Because we will soon need you.

Exeunt. Lords.

Exit. Lords.

I know not whether Heauen will haue it so,
For some displeasing seruice I haue done;
That in his secret Doome, out of my Blood,
Hee'le breede Reuengement, and a Scourge for me:
But thou do'st in thy passages of Life,
Make me beleeue, that thou art onely mark'd
For the hot vengeance, and the Rod of heauen
To punish my Mistreadings. Tell me else,
Could such inordinate and low desires,
Such poore, such bare, such lewd, such meane attempts,
Such barren pleasures, rude societie,
As thou art matcht withall, and grafted too,
Accompanie the greatnesse of thy blood,
And hold their leuell with thy Princely heart?
  Prince. So please your Maiesty, I would I could
Quit all offences with as cleare excuse,
As well as I am doubtlesse I can purge
My selfe of many I am charg'd withall:
Yet such extenuation let me begge,
As in reproofe of many Tales deuis'd,
Which oft the Eare of Greatnesse needes must heare,
By smiling Pick-thankes, and base Newes-mongers;
I may for some things true, wherein my youth
Hath faultie wandred, and irregular,
Finde pardon on my true submission

I don’t know if heaven will allow it,
Because of some displeasing things I’ve done;
That in His secret judgment, from my blood,
He’ll create revenge and a punishment for me:
But you, in your life’s journey,
Make me believe that you’re only marked
For hot vengeance and the rod of heaven
To punish my wrongdoings. Tell me otherwise,
Could such excessive and low desires,
Such poor, such bare, such shameful, such mean attempts,
Such barren pleasures and rude company,
As you are matched with and grafted onto,
Accompany the greatness of your blood,
And hold their level with your royal heart?
  Prince. Your Majesty, I wish I could
Clear all offenses with as clear an excuse,
As surely as I can cleanse
Myself of many I’m accused of:
Yet let me ask for some leniency,
As a response to many stories created,
Which the ears of greatness often must hear,
From smirking flatterers and petty gossipers;
I may find forgiveness for some truths, where my youth
Has wandered faultily and irregularly,
By my sincere submission.

   King. Heauen pardon thee:
Yet let me wonder, Harry,
At thy affections, which doe hold a Wing
Quite from the flight of all thy ancestors.
Thy place in Councell thou hast rudely lost,
Which by thy younger Brother is supply'de;
And art almost an alien to the hearts
Of all the Court and Princes of my blood.
The hope and expectation of thy time
Is ruin'd, and the Soule of euery man
Prophetically doe fore-thinke thy fall.
Had I so lauish of my presence beene,
So common hackney'd in the eyes of men,
So stale and cheape to vulgar Company;
Opinion, that did helpe me to the Crowne,
Had still kept loyall to possession,
And left me in reputelesse banishment,
A fellow of no marke, nor likelyhood.
By being seldome seene, I could not stirre,
But like a Comet, I was wondred at,
That men would tell their Children, This is hee:
Others would say; Where, Which is Bullingbrooke.
And then I stole all Courtesie from Heauen,
And drest my selfe in such Humilitie,
That I did plucke Allegeance from mens hearts,
Lowd Showts and Salutations from their mouthes,
Euen in the presence of the Crowned King.
Thus I did keepe my Person fresh and new,
My Presence like a Robe Pontificall,
Ne're seene, but wondred at: and so my State,
Seldome but sumptuous, shewed like a Feast,
And wonne by rarenesse such Solemnitie.
The skipping King hee ambled vp and downe,
With shallow Iesters, and rash Bauin Wits,
Soone kindled, and soone burnt, carded his state,
Mingled his Royaltie with Carping Fooles,
Had his great Name prophaned with their Scornes,
And gaue his Countenance, against his Name,
To laugh at gybing Boyes, and stand the push
Of euery Beardlesse vaine Comparatiue;
Grew a Companion to the common Streetes,
Enfeoff'd himselfe to Popularitie:
That being dayly swallowed by mens Eyes,
They surfeted with Honey, and began to loathe
The taste of Sweetnesse, whereof a little
More then a little, is by much too much.
So when he had occasion to be seene,
He was but as the Cuckow is in Iune,
Heard, not regarded: seene but with such Eyes,
As sicke and blunted with Communitie,
Affoord no extraordinarie Gaze,
Such as is bent on Sunne-like Maiestie,
When it shines seldome in admiring Eyes:
But rather drowz'd, and hung their eye-lids downe,
Slept in his Face, and rendred such aspect
As Cloudie men vse to doe to their aduersaries,
Being with his presence glutted, gorg'd, and full.
And in that very Line, Harry, standest thou:
For thou hast lost thy Princely Priuiledge,
With vile participation. Not an Eye
But is awearie of thy common sight,
Saue mine, which hath desir'd to see thee more:
Which now doth that I would not haue it doe,
Make blinde it selfe with foolish tendernesse

King. Heaven forgive you:
But let me be amazed, Harry,
At your feelings, which are so different
From those of all your ancestors.
You’ve roughly lost your place in the council,
Which has been taken over by your younger brother;
And you’re almost a stranger to the hearts
Of all the court and princes of my blood.
The hope and expectation of your time
Are ruined, and every man’s spirit
Prophetically senses your downfall.
If I had been so reckless with my presence,
So familiar and overexposed to people,
So worn out and cheap to ordinary company;
Public opinion, which helped me gain the crown,
Would have remained loyal to my position,
And left me in a disgraceful exile,
A person of no importance or promise.
By being rarely seen, I couldn’t stir,
But like a comet, I was admired,
That people would tell their children, This is him:
Others would ask; Where, Which is Bullingbrooke?
And then I took all courtesy from heaven,
And dressed myself in such humility,
That I pulled allegiance from men’s hearts,
Loud cheers and greetings from their mouths,
Even in the presence of the crowned king.
Thus I kept my presence fresh and new,
My presence like a ceremonial robe,
Never seen, but admired; and so my status,
Rarely but lavish, looked like a feast,
And won such solemnity through its rarity.
The fleeting king sauntered around,
With shallow jesters and reckless fools,
Easily ignited, and soon burned out, he played with his state,
Mixed his royalty with mocking fools,
Had his great name insulted with their scorn,
And allowed his demeanor, against his name,
To laugh at teasing boys, and endure the jokes
Of every beardless vain competitor;
Grew a companion to the common streets,
Gave himself over to popularity:
That being daily consumed by people’s eyes,
They became sick of sweetness, and started to loathe
The taste of sweetness, where a little
More than a little is too much.
So when he had the chance to be seen,
He was like the cuckoo in June,
Heard, but not regarded: seen with such eyes,
As weary and dulled by familiarity,
Afforded no extraordinary gaze,
Such as is directed at sun-like majesty,
When it hardly shines in admiring eyes:
But rather drowsy, and let their eyelids droop,
Slept in his face, and returned an expression
Like cloudy men used to do to their enemies,
Being sated, stuffed, and full from his presence.
And in that very line, Harry, you stand:
For you’ve lost your princely privilege,
With vile participation. Not an eye
Is not tired of your common sight,
Except mine, which has desired to see you more:
Which now does what I wouldn’t want it to do,
Makes itself blind with foolish tenderness

   Prince. I shall hereafter, my thrice gracious Lord,
Be more my selfe

Prince. From now on, my very gracious Lord,
I will be more myself

   King. For all the World,
As thou art to this houre, was Richard then,
When I from France set foot at Rauenspurgh;
And euen as I was then, is Percy now:
Now by my Scepter, and my Soule to boot,
He hath more worthy interest to the State
Then thou, the shadow of Succession;
For of no Right, nor colour like to Right.
He doth fill fields with Harneis in the Realme,
Turnes head against the Lyons armed Iawes;
And being no more in debt to yeeres, then thou,
Leades ancient Lords, and reuerent Bishops on
To bloody Battailes, and to brusing Armes.
What neuer-dying Honor hath he got,
Against renowned Dowglas? whose high Deedes,
Whose hot Incursions, and great Name in Armes,
Holds from all Souldiers chiefe Maioritie,
And Militarie Title Capitall.
Through all the Kingdomes that acknowledge Christ,
Thrice hath the Hotspur Mars, in swathing Clothes,
This Infant Warrior, in his Enterprises,
Discomfited great Dowglas, ta'ne him once,
Enlarged him, and made a friend of him,
To fill the mouth of deepe Defiance vp,
And shake the peace and safetie of our Throne.
And what say you to this? Percy, Northumberland,
The Arch-bishops Grace of Yorke, Dowglas, Mortimer,
Capitulate against vs, and are vp.
But wherefore doe I tell these Newes to thee?
Why, Harry, doe I tell thee of my Foes,
Which art my neer'st and dearest Enemie?
Thou, that art like enough, through vassall Feare,
Base Inclination, and the start of Spleene,
To fight against me vnder Percies pay,
To dogge his heeles, and curtsie at his frownes,
To shew how much thou art degenerate

King. For everyone in the world,
As you are right now, Richard was then,
When I landed in Ravenspurgh from France;
And just like I was then, Percy is now:
Now, by my scepter and my soul as well,
He has more of a legitimate claim to the throne
Than you, the mere shadow of succession;
For he holds no right, nor anything resembling a right.
He fills the fields with armor in the realm,
Turns his head against the lion’s armed jaws;
And being no older than you,
Leads ancient lords and respected bishops into
Bloody battles and brutal fighting.
What everlasting honor has he earned,
Against the renowned Douglas? Whose high deeds,
Whose fierce raids and great name in arms,
Gives him chief authority among all soldiers,
And the ultimate military title.
Throughout all the kingdoms that acknowledge Christ,
The Hotspur Mars, in swaddling clothes,
This young warrior has thrice,
Defeated great Douglas, captured him once,
Set him free, and made a friend of him,
To fill the air with deep defiances,
And shake the peace and safety of our throne.
And what do you say to this? Percy, Northumberland,
The Archbishop of York, Douglas, Mortimer,
Have joined forces against us and are rising up.
But why am I telling you this news?
Why, Harry, am I telling you about my foes,
When you are my closest and dearest enemy?
You, who seem likely, out of cowardly fear,
Base inclination, and sudden anger,
To fight against me under Percy’s pay,
To follow his lead and bow to his scowls,
To show how much you have degenerated?

   Prince. Doe not thinke so, you shall not finde it so:
And Heauen forgiue them, that so much haue sway'd
Your Maiesties good thoughts away from me:
I will redeeme all this on Percies head,
And in the closing of some glorious day,
Be bold to tell you, that I am your Sonne,
When I will weare a Garment all of Blood,
And staine my fauours in a bloody Maske:
Which washt away, shall scowre my shame with it.
And that shall be the day, when ere it lights,
That this same Child of Honor and Renowne.
This gallant Hotspur, this all-praysed Knight.
And your vnthought-of Harry chance to meet:
For euery Honor sitting on his Helme,
Would they were multitudes, and on my head
My shames redoubled. For the time will come,
That I shall make this Northerne Youth exchange
His glorious Deedes for my Indignities:
Percy is but my Factor, good my Lord,
To engrosse vp glorious Deedes on my behalfe:
And I will call him to so strict account,
That he shall render euery Glory vp,
Yea, euen the sleightest worship of his time,
Or I will teare the Reckoning from his Heart.
This, in the Name of Heauen, I promise here:
The which, if I performe, and doe suruiue,
I doe beseech your Maiestie, may salue
The long-growne Wounds of my intemperature:
If not, the end of Life cancells all Bands,
And I will dye a hundred thousand Deaths,
Ere breake the smallest parcell of this Vow

Prince. Don’t think that way, you won’t find it true:
And may Heaven forgive those who have swayed
Your Majesty’s good thoughts away from me:
I will make up for all this on Percy’s head,
And by the end of some glorious day,
I’ll boldly tell you that I am your son,
When I’ll wear a garment all in blood,
And stain my robes with a bloody mask:
Once washed away, it will cleanse my shame with it.
And that will be the day, whenever it comes,
When this same Child of Honor and Renown,
This brave Hotspur, this highly praised knight,
And your unthought-of Harry happen to meet:
For every honor sitting on his helmet,
Would that they were many, and on my head
My shames multiplied. For the time will come,
That I will make this northern youth exchange
His glorious deeds for my indignities:
Percy is just my partner, good my Lord,
To collect glorious deeds on my behalf:
And I will hold him to such a strict account,
That he will give up every glory,
Yeah, even the smallest bit of praise of his time,
Or I will tear the reckoning from his heart.
This, in the name of Heaven, I promise here:
Which, if I achieve and survive,
I humbly ask your Majesty to heal
The long-standing wounds of my impatience:
If not, the end of life cancels all obligations,
And I will die a hundred thousand deaths,
Before I break the smallest part of this vow.

   King. A hundred thousand Rebels dye in this:
Thou shalt haue Charge, and soueraigne trust herein.
Enter Blunt.

King. A hundred thousand rebels die in this:
You will have responsibility and supreme trust in this matter.
Enter Blunt.

How now good Blunt? thy Lookes are full of speed

How's it going, good Blunt? You look like you're in a hurry.

   Blunt. So hath the Businesse that I come to speake of.
Lord Mortimer of Scotland hath sent word,
That Dowglas and the English Rebels met
The eleuenth of this moneth, at Shrewsbury:
A mightie and a fearefull Head they are,
(If Promises be kept on euery hand)
As euer offered foule play in a State

Blunt. So is the matter I came to discuss.
Lord Mortimer of Scotland has sent word,
That Dowglas and the English rebels met
On the eleventh of this month, at Shrewsbury:
They are a formidable and frightening force,
(If promises are kept on all sides)
As ever posed a threat in a state.

   King. The earle of Westmerland set forth to day:
With him my sonne, Lord Iohn of Lancaster,
For this aduertisement is fiue dayes old.
On Wednesday next, Harry thou shalt set forward:
On thursday, wee our selues will march.
Our meeting is Bridgenorth: and Harry, you shall march
Through Glocestershire: by which account,
Our Businesse valued some twelue dayes hence,
Our generall Forces at Bridgenorth shall meete.
Our Hands are full of Businesse: let's away,
Aduantage feedes him fat, while men delay.

King. The Earl of Westmoreland set out today:
With him, my son, Lord John of Lancaster,
Because this intel is five days old.
Next Wednesday, Harry, you’ll head out:
On Thursday, we’ll set off ourselves.
We’ll meet at Bridgnorth, and Harry, you’ll march
Through Gloucestershire: according to this plan,
Our operations are set for about twelve days from now,
Our main forces will gather at Bridgnorth.
We have a lot to do: let’s get going,
Opportunity rewards the swift, while hesitation harms.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scena Tertia.

Scene Three.

Enter Falstaffe and Bardolph.

Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.

Falst. Bardolph, am I not falne away vilely, since this last action? doe I not bate? doe I not dwindle? Why my skinne hangs about me like an olde Ladies loose Gowne: I am withered like an olde Apple Iohn. Well, Ile repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking: I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall haue no strength to repent. And i haue not forgotten what the in-side of a Church is made of, I am a Pepper-Corne, a Brewers Horse, the in-side of a Church. Company, villanous Company hath beene the spoyle of me

Falstaff. Bardolph, haven’t I fallen apart badly since that last event? Am I not fading away? Am I not shrinking? My skin hangs on me like an old lady's loose dress: I’m withered like an old dried apple. Well, I’ll repent, and quickly, while I still feel somewhat good: I’ll be downhearted soon, and then I won’t have the strength to repent. And I haven’t forgotten what the inside of a church is made of; I’m a peppercorn, a brewer's horse, the inside of a church. Bad company, terrible company has ruined me.

Bard. Sir Iohn, you are so fretfull, you cannot liue long

Bard. Sir John, you're so restless, you can't live much longer.

Falst. Why there is it: Come, sing me a bawdy Song, make me merry; I was as vertuously giuen, as a Gentleman need to be; vertuous enough, swore little, dic'd not aboue seuen times a weeke, went to a Bawdy-house not aboue once in a quarter of an houre, payd Money that I borrowed, three or foure times; liued well, and in good compasse: and now I liue out of all order, out of compasse

Falst. Why is it here? Come on, sing me a raunchy song, make me happy; I was as virtuous as a gentleman needs to be; virtuous enough, swore very little, didn’t gamble more than seven times a week, visited a brothel no more than once every fifteen minutes, paid back the money I borrowed three or four times; lived well and within my means: and now I live completely out of control, out of bounds.

Bard. Why, you are so fat, Sir Iohn, that you must needes bee out of of all compasse; out all reasonable compasse, Sir Iohn

Bard. Wow, you are so overweight, Sir John, that you must be completely out of shape; completely out of reasonable shape, Sir John.

   Falst. Doe thou amend thy Face, and Ile amend thy
Life: Thou art our Admirall, thou bearest the Lanterne
in the Poope, but 'tis in the Nose of thee; thou art the
Knight of the burning Lampe

Falst. If you fix your face, I'll fix your life: You are our admiral, you carry the lantern at the back, but it's in your nose; you are the knight of the burning lamp.

Bard. Why, Sir Iohn, my Face does you no harme

Bard. Why, Sir John, my face doesn't harm you.

Falst. No, Ile be sworne: I make as good vse of it, as many a man doth of a Deaths-Head, or a Memento Mori. I neuer see thy Face, but I thinke vpon Hell fire, and Diues that liued in Purple; for there he is in his Robes burning, burning. If thou wert any way giuen to vertue, I would sweare by thy Face; my Oath should bee, By this Fire: But thou art altogether giuen ouer; and wert indeede, but for the Light in thy Face, the Sunne of vtter Darkenesse. When thou ran'st vp Gads-Hill in the Night, to catch my Horse, if I did not thinke that thou hadst beene an Ignis fatuus, or a Ball of Wild-fire, there's no Purchase in Money. O, thou art a perpetuall Triumph, an euerlasting Bone-fire-Light: thou hast saued me a thousand Markes in Linkes and Torches, walking with thee in the Night betwixt Tauerne and Tauerne: But the Sack that thou hast drunke me, would haue bought me Lights as good cheape, as the dearest Chandlers in Europe. I haue maintain'd that Salamander of yours with fire, any time this two and thirtie yeeres, Heauen reward me for it

Falstaff. No, I swear: I make just as good use of it as many a man does of a skull or a reminder of mortality. Every time I see your face, I think of hellfire and the rich man who lived in luxury; there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If you had any inclination towards virtue, I would swear by your face; my oath would be, "By this fire": but you are completely given over; and truly, but for the light in your face, you'd be the sun of utter darkness. When you ran up Gad's Hill at night to catch my horse, if I didn't think you were some will-o'-the-wisp or a ball of wildfire, then there's no profit in money. Oh, you are a perpetual triumph, an everlasting beacon of light: you’ve saved me a thousand marks in lanterns and torches, walking with you at night between taverns: but the wine you’ve made me drink would have bought me lights just as cheaply as the best chandlers in Europe. I have kept up your fiery nature for the last thirty-two years; heaven reward me for it!

Bard. I would my Face were in your Belly

Bard. I wish my face were in your belly.

   Falst. So should I be sure to be heart-burn'd.
Enter Hostesse.

Falst. So I should definitely be feeling heartburn.
Enter Hostess.

How now, Dame Partlet the Hen, haue you enquir'd yet who pick'd my Pocket? Hostesse. Why Sir Iohn, what doe you thinke, Sir Iohn? doe you thinke I keepe Theeues in my House? I haue search'd, I haue enquired, so haz my Husband, Man by Man, Boy by Boy, Seruant by Seruant: the tight of a hayre was neuer lost in my house before

How are you, Dame Partlet the Hen? Have you found out who picked my pocket yet? Hostess: Well, Sir John, what do you think? Do you really believe I keep thieves in my house? I’ve searched, I’ve asked around, and so has my husband—man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. Not a single hair has ever gone missing from my house before.

Falst. Ye lye Hostesse: Bardolph was shau'd, and lost many a hayre; and Ile be sworne my Pocket was pick'd: goe to, you are a Woman, goe

Falst. You lie, Hostess: Bardolph was shaved and lost many hairs; and I swear my pocket was picked: come on, you’re a woman, go.

Hostesse. Who I? I defie thee: I was neuer call'd so in mine owne house before

Hostess. Who do you think I am? I've never been called that in my own house before.

Falst. Goe to, I know you well enough

Falst. Go on, I know you well enough.

Hostesse. No, sir Iohn, you doe not know me, Sir Iohn: I know you, Sir Iohn: you owe me Money, Sir Iohn, and now you picke a quarrell, to beguile me of it: I bought you a dozen of Shirts to your Backe

Hostess. No, Sir John, you don't know me, Sir John: I know you, Sir John: you owe me money, Sir John, and now you're starting a fight to trick me out of it: I bought you a dozen shirts for your back.

Falst. Doulas, filthy Doulas: I haue giuen them away to Bakers Wiues, and they haue made Boulters of them

Falst. Doulas, filthy Doulas: I've given them away to bakers' wives, and they've turned them into flour.

Hostesse. Now as I am a true Woman, Holland of eight shillings an Ell: You owe Money here besides, Sir Iohn, for your Dyet, and by-Drinkings, and Money lent you, foure and twentie pounds

Hostess. Now, as a real woman, at eight shillings per yard of Holland: You also owe money here, Sir John, for your meals, drinks, and the money I lent you, twenty-four pounds.

Falst. Hee had his part of it, let him pay

Falst. He had his share of it, so let him pay.

Hostesse. Hee? alas hee is poore, hee hath nothing

Hostess. He? Oh no, he’s poor, he has nothing.

Falst. How? Poore? Looke vpon his Face: What call you Rich? Let them coyne his Nose, let them coyne his Cheekes, Ile not pay a Denier. What, will you make a Younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine Inne, but I shall haue my Pocket pick'd? I haue lost a Seale-Ring of my Grand-fathers, worth fortie marke

Falst. How? Poor? Look at his face. What do you call rich? Let them cash in on his nose, let them cash in on his cheeks, I won’t pay a dime. What, are you trying to turn me into a young fool? Am I not allowed to relax in my inn without having my pocket picked? I’ve lost a seal ring from my grandfather, worth forty marks.

   Hostesse. I haue heard the Prince tell him, I know not
how oft, that that Ring was Copper

Hostess. I have heard the Prince tell him, I don’t know
how many times, that that Ring was Copper

   Falst. How? the Prince is a Iacke, a Sneake-Cuppe:
and if hee were heere, I would cudgell him like a Dogge,
if hee would say so.
Enter the Prince marching, and Falstaffe meets him, playing on his
Trunchion like a Fife.

Falst. How? The prince is a jerk, a sneaky coward:
and if he were here, I'd beat him like a dog,
if he dared to say that.
Enter the Prince marching, and Falstaff meets him, playing on his
club like a fife.

  Falst. How now Lad? is the Winde in that Doore?
Must we all march?
  Bard. Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion

Falst. What's up, man? Is the wind coming from that door?
Do we all have to march?
  Bard. Yeah, two by two, like we're in Newgate.

Hostesse. My Lord, I pray you heare me

Hostess. My Lord, I beg you to listen to me.

Prince. What say'st thou, Mistresse Quickly? How does thy Husband? I loue him well, hee is an honest man

Prince. What do you say, Mistress Quickly? How is your husband? I like him a lot; he's a good guy.

Hostesse. Good, my Lord, heare mee

Hostess: Good, my Lord, hear me.

Falst. Prethee let her alone, and list to mee

Falst. Please leave her alone and listen to me.

   Prince. What say'st thou, Iacke?
  Falst. The other Night I fell asleepe heere behind the
Arras, and had my Pocket pickt: this House is turn'd
Bawdy-house, they picke Pockets

Prince. What do you say, Jack?
  Falst. The other night I fell asleep here behind the
curtain, and someone picked my pocket: this place has turned
into a brothel; they’re picking pockets.

   Prince. What didst thou lose, Iacke?
  Falst. Wilt thou beleeue me, Hal? Three or foure Bonds
of fortie pound apeece, and a Seale-Ring of my Grand-fathers

Prince. What did you lose, Jack?
  Falst. Will you believe me, Hal? Three or four bonds for forty pounds each, and a seal ring from my grandfather.

Prince. A Trifle, some eight-penny matter

Prince. A small thing, something worth about eight pence

Host. So I told him, my Lord; and I said, I heard your Grace say so: and (my Lord) hee speakes most vilely of you, like a foule-mouth'd man as hee is, and said, hee would cudgell you

Host. So I told him, my Lord; and I said, I heard you say that: and (my Lord) he speaks very badly of you, like the foul-mouthed man he is, and said he would beat you up.

   Prince. What hee did not?
  Host. There's neyther Faith, Truth, nor Woman-hood
in me else

Prince. What he didn't?
  Host. There's neither Faith, Truth, nor Womanhood
in me otherwise

Falst. There's no more faith in thee then a stu'de Prune; nor no more truth in thee, then in a drawne Fox: and for Wooman-hood, Maid-marian may be the Deputies wife of the Ward to thee. Go you nothing: go

Falst. There's no more faith in you than in a stuffed prune; nor any more truth in you than in a drawn fox: and as for womanhood, Maid Marian could be the deputy's wife to you. You mean nothing: go.

   Host. Say, what thing? what thing?
  Falst. What thing? why a thing to thanke heauen on

Host. Say, what thing? What thing?
Falst. What thing? Why, a thing to thank heaven for.

Host. I am no thing to thanke heauen on, I wold thou shouldst know it: I am an honest mans wife: and setting thy Knighthood aside, thou art a knaue to call me so

Host. I have nothing to thank heaven for; I wish you would understand that. I am an honest man's wife, and aside from your knighthood, you’re a scoundrel for calling me that.

   Falst. Setting thy woman-hood aside, thou art a beast
to say otherwise

Falst. Putting your femininity aside, you’re a beast
to say otherwise

   Host. Say, what beast, thou knaue thou?
  Fal. What beast? Why an Otter

Host. Say, what beast are you, you scoundrel?
  Fal. What beast? I'm an otter.

   Prin. An Otter, sir Iohn? Why an Otter?
  Fal. Why? She's neither fish nor flesh; a man knowes
not where to haue her

Prin. An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
  Fal. Why? She's neither fish nor meat; a man doesn't know where to find her.

   Host. Thou art vniust man in saying so; thou, or anie
man knowes where to haue me, thou knaue thou

Host. You are an unjust man for saying that; you, or anyone
knows where to find me, you scoundrel you.

   Prince. Thou say'st true Hostesse, and he slanders thee
most grossely

Prince. You're right, Hostess, and he slanders you
very badly

   Host. So he doth you, my Lord, and sayde this other
day, You ought him a thousand pound

Host. So he does, my Lord, and said this other
day, You owe him a thousand pounds

   Prince. Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
  Falst. A thousand pound Hal? A Million. Thy loue is
worth a Million: thou ow'st me thy loue

Prince. Hey, do I owe you a thousand pounds?
  Falst. A thousand pounds, Hal? A million. Your love is
worth a million; you owe me your love.

   Host. Nay my Lord, he call'd you Iacke, and said hee
would cudgell you

Host. No, my Lord, he called you Jack and said he would beat you.

   Fal. Did I, Bardolph?
  Bar. Indeed Sir Iohn, you said so

Fal. Did I, Bardolph?
  Bar. Indeed, Sir John, you said that.

Fal. Yea, if he said my Ring was Copper

Fal. Yeah, if he said my ring was copper

Prince. I say 'tis Copper. Dar'st thou bee as good as thy word now? Fal. Why Hal? thou know'st, as thou art but a man, I dare: but, as thou art a Prince, I feare thee, as I feare the roaring of the Lyons Whelpe

Prince. I say it's Copper. Do you dare to keep your word now? Fal. Why, Hal? You know, as you're just a man, I dare; but since you're a Prince, I fear you like I fear the roar of a lion cub.

   Prince. And why not as the Lyon?
  Fal. The King himselfe is to bee feared as the Lyon:
Do'st thou thinke Ile feare thee, as I feare thy Father? nay
if I do, let my Girdle breake

Prince. And why not like the Lion?
  Fal. The King himself is to be feared like the Lion:
Do you think I'll fear you like I fear your father? No,
if I do, let my belt break.

Prin. O, if it should, how would thy guttes fall about thy knees. But sirra: There's no roome for Faith, Truth, nor Honesty, in this bosome of thine: it is all fill'd vppe with Guttes and Midriffe. Charge an honest Woman with picking thy pocket? Why thou horson impudent imbost Rascall, if there were any thing in thy Pocket but Tauerne Recknings, Memorandums of Bawdie-houses, and one poore peny-worth of Sugar-candie to make thee long-winded: if thy pocket were enrich'd with anie other iniuries but these, I am a Villaine: And yet you will stand to it, you will not Pocket vp wrong. Art thou not asham'd? Fal. Do'st thou heare Hal? Thou know'st in the state of Innocency, Adam fell: and what should poore Iacke Falstaffe do, in the dayes of Villany? Thou seest, I haue more flesh then another man, and therefore more frailty. You confesse then you pickt my Pocket? Prin. It appeares so by the Story

Prin. Oh, if it did, how would your guts drop down to your knees? But listen: There's no room for Faith, Truth, or Honesty in that chest of yours; it’s all packed with guts and midriff. Accuse an honest woman of stealing from you? You reckless, arrogant scoundrel, if there’s anything in your pocket besides bar tabs, notes from brothels, and one poor little piece of candy to keep you talking: if your pocket held any other shameful things besides these, I’d be a villain. And yet you insist you won’t accept being wronged. Aren't you ashamed? Fal. Do you hear me, Hal? You know that in a state of innocence, Adam fell; so what should poor Jack Falstaff do in these villainous times? You see, I have more flesh than any other man, so therefore more frailty. So you admit you stole from my pocket? Prin. It appears that way from the story.

   Fal. Hostesse, I forgiue thee:
Go make ready Breakfast, loue thy Husband,
Looke to thy Seruants, and cherish thy Guests:
Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason:
Thou seest, I am pacified still.
Nay, I prethee be gone.

Fal. Hostess, I forgive you:
Go prepare breakfast, love your husband,
Check on your servants, and take care of your guests:
You’ll find me open to any reasonable request:
You see, I’m still calm.
No, please just go.

Exit Hostesse.

Exit Hostess.

Now Hal, to the newes at Court for the Robbery, Lad?
How is that answered?
  Prin. O my sweet Beefe:
I must still be good Angell to thee.
The Monie is paid backe againe

Now Hal, what's the latest at Court about the robbery, lad?
How did that get resolved?
  Prin. O my sweet Beef:
I still have to be your good angel.
The money has been paid back again.

   Fal. O, I do not like that paying backe, 'tis a double
Labour

Fal. Oh, I really dislike paying back; it's double
Labor

   Prin. I am good Friends with my Father, and may do
anything

Prin. I'm good friends with my dad, and I can do
anything

   Fal. Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou do'st,
and do it with vnwash'd hands too

Fal. Just rob the treasury first thing, and do it with dirty hands too.

Bard. Do my Lord

Bard. Do my Lord.

Prin. I haue procured thee Iacke, A Charge of Foot

Prin. I have gotten you, Jack, a squad of infantry.

Fal. I would it had beene of Horse. Where shal I finde one that can steale well? O, for a fine theefe of two and twentie, or thereabout: I am heynously vnprouided. Wel God be thanked for these Rebels, they offend none but the Vertuous. I laud them, I praise them

Fal. I wish it had been a horse. Where can I find someone who can steal well? Oh, for a great thief of twenty-two or so: I'm in a terrible bind. Well, thank God for these rebels; they harm no one but the virtuous. I admire them, I praise them.

Prin. Bardolph

Principal Bardolph

Bar. My Lord

Bar. My Lord

   Prin. Go beare this Letter to Lord Iohn of Lancaster
To my Brother Iohn. This to my Lord of Westmerland,
Go Peto, to horse: for thou, and I,
Haue thirtie miles to ride yet ere dinner time.
Iacke, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall
At two a clocke in the afternoone,
There shalt thou know thy Charge, and there receiue
Money and Order for their Furniture.
The Land is burning, Percie stands on hye,
And either they, or we must lower lye

Prin. Take this letter to Lord John of Lancaster
To my brother John. This is for my Lord of Westmoreland,
Go, Peto, get on your horse: you and I
Have thirty miles to ride before dinner time.
Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall
At two o'clock in the afternoon,
There you’ll learn your duty, and there you’ll receive
Money and instructions for their supplies.
The land is burning, Percy is on high alert,
And either they or we have to back down.

   Fal. Rare words! braue world.
Hostesse, my breakfast, come:
Oh, I could wish this Tauerne were my drumme.

Fal. Rare words! Brave world.
Hostess, my breakfast, come:
Oh, I could wish this tavern were my drum.

Exeunt. omnes.

Exit all.

Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima.

Act Four. Scene One.

Enter Harrie Hotspurre, Worcester, and Dowglas.

Enter Harrie Hotspur, Worcester, and Douglas.

  Hot. Well said, my Noble Scot, if speaking truth
In this fine Age, were not thought flatterie,
Such attribution should the Dowglas haue,
As not a Souldiour of this seasons stampe,
Should go so generall currant through the world.
By heauen I cannot flatter: I defie
The Tongues of Soothers. But a Brauer place
In my hearts loue, hath no man then your Selfe.
Nay, taske me to my word: approue me Lord

Hot. Well said, my noble Scot, if speaking the truth
In this fine age, where flattery is not a thing,
Such praise should belong to Douglas,
As no soldier of this time should circulate so widely.
By heaven, I cannot flatter: I defy
The tongues of flatterers. But a braver place
In my heart's affection, no one holds above you.
Now, hold me to my word: prove me, my lord.

   Dow. Thou art the King of Honor:
No man so potent breathes vpon the ground,
But I will Beard him.
Enter a Messenger.

Dow. You are the King of Honor:
No man so powerful walks the Earth,
But I will confront him.
Enter a Messenger.

  Hot. Do so, and 'tis well. What letters hast there?
I can but thanke you

Hot. Do that, and it’s all good. What letters do you have?
I can only thank you

Mess. These Letters come from your Father

Mess. These letters are from your father.

   Hot. Letters from him?
Why comes he not himselfe?
  Mes. He cannot come, my Lord,
He is greeuous sicke

Hot. Letters from him?
Why isn't he here himself?
  Mes. He can't come, my Lord,
He is very ill.

   Hot. How? haz he the leysure to be sicke now,
In such a iustling time? Who leades his power?
Vnder whose Gouernment come they along?
  Mess. His Letters beares his minde, not I his minde

Hot. How does he have the time to be sick now,
In such a bustling time? Who leads his forces?
Under whose command are they moving along?
Mess. His letters express his thoughts, not I his thoughts

   Wor. I prethee tell me, doth he keepe his Bed?
  Mess. He did, my Lord, foure dayes ere I set forth:
And at the time of my departure thence,
He was much fear'd by his Physician

Wor. Please tell me, is he still in bed?
  Mess. He was, my Lord, four days before I left:
And by the time I was leaving,
His doctor was very concerned about him.

   Wor. I would the state of time had first beene whole,
Ere he by sicknesse had beene visited:
His health was neuer better worth then now

Wor. I wish the state of time had been whole first,
Before he was affected by illness:
His health has never been better than it is now.

   Hotsp. Sicke now? droope now? this sicknes doth infect
The very Life-blood of our Enterprise,
'Tis catching hither, euen to our Campe.
He writes me here, that inward sicknesse,
And that his friends by deputation
Could not so soone be drawne: nor did he thinke it meet,
To lay so dangerous and deare a trust
On any Soule remou'd, but on his owne.
Yet doth he giue vs bold aduertisement,
That with our small coniunction we should on,
To see how Fortune is dispos'd to vs:
For, as he writes, there is no quailing now,
Because the King is certainely possest
Of all our purposes. What say you to it?
  Wor. Your Fathers sicknesse is a mayme to vs

Hotsp. Sick now? Droopy now? This illness infects
The very lifeblood of our mission,
It’s spreading here, even to our camp.
He writes to me that he’s feeling unwell,
And that his friends couldn’t get here soon enough:
He didn’t think it wise
To place such a dangerous and valuable responsibility
On anyone else, but on himself.
Yet he boldly advises us
That with our limited support we should move on,
To see how luck is treating us:
For, as he writes, there’s no backing down now,
Because the King is fully aware
Of all our plans. What do you think?
  Wor. Your father’s illness is a blow to us

   Hotsp. A perillous Gash, a very Limme lopt off:
And yet, in faith, it is not his present want
Seemes more then we shall finde it.
Were it good, to set the exact wealth of all our states
All at one Cast? To set so rich a mayne
On the nice hazard of one doubtfull houre,
It were not good: for therein should we reade
The very Bottome, and the Soule of Hope,
The very List, the very vtmost Bound
Of all our fortunes

Hotsp. A risky wound, a very crucial part cut off:
And yet, honestly, it doesn't seem like what he lacks now
Is more than we'll discover it to be.
Would it be wise to gamble all our resources
In one go? To put such valuable assets
On the delicate chance of one uncertain hour,
It wouldn't be wise: because from that, we would read
The true essence, the heart of hope,
The exact limit, the farthest edge
Of all our fortunes.

   Dowg. Faith, and so wee should,
Where now remaines a sweet reuersion.
We may boldly spend, vpon the hope
Of what is to come in:
A comfort of retyrement liues in this

Dowg. Seriously, we should,
Where a sweet return remains now.
We can confidently spend, based on the hope
Of what’s coming next:
A comfort in retirement lives here.

   Hotsp. A Randeuous, a Home to flye vnto,
If that the Deuill and Mischance looke bigge
Vpon the Maydenhead of our Affaires

Hotsp. A place of adventure, a home to escape to,
If the Devil and misfortune loom large
Over the maidenhead of our affairs

   Wor. But yet I would your Father had beene here:
The qualitie and Heire of our Attempt
Brookes no diuision: It will be thought
By some, that know not why he is away,
That wisedome, loyaltie, and meere dislike
Of our proceedings, kept the Earle from hence.
And thinke, how such an apprehension
May turne the tyde of fearefull Faction,
And breede a kinde of question in our cause:
For well you know, wee of the offring side,
Must keepe aloofe from strict arbitrement,
And stop all sight-holes, euery loope, from whence
The eye of reason may prie in vpon vs:
This absence of your Father drawes a Curtaine,
That shewes the ignorant a kinde of feare,
Before not dreamt of

Wor. But I wish your father had been here:
The quality and heir of our attempt
Allows no division: Some will think
That, not knowing why he’s away,
Wisdom, loyalty, and simple disapproval
Of our actions kept the Earl from here.
And consider how such a viewpoint
Could change the tide of fearful factions,
And create questions about our cause:
For you know well that we on the offering side
Must stay away from strict judgment,
And block all gaps, every loophole, where
The eye of reason might pry into us:
Your father's absence pulls a curtain,
That shows the uninformed a kind of fear,
Previously unimagined.

   Hotsp. You strayne too farre.
I rather of his absence make this vse:
It lends a Lustre, and more great Opinion,
A larger Dare to your great Enterprize,
Then if the Earle were here: for men must thinke,
If we without his helpe, can make a Head
To push against the Kingdome; with his helpe,
We shall o're-turne it topsie-turuy downe:
Yet all goes well, yet all our ioynts are whole

Hotsp. You're straying too far.
I’d rather use his absence for this:
It gives us shine and a better reputation,
A bigger challenge to your great plan,
Than if the Earl were here; because people will think,
If we can manage without his help,
To take a stand against the kingdom; with his help,
We could completely turn it upside down:
Yet everything is going well, yet all our points are intact.

   Dowg. As heart can thinke:
There is not such a word spoke of in Scotland,
At this Dreame of Feare.
Enter Sir Richard Vernon.

Dowg. As the heart can think:
There's no such word spoken of in Scotland,
At this Dream of Fear.
Enter Sir Richard Vernon.

Hotsp. My Cousin Vernon, welcome by my Soule

Hotsp. My Cousin Vernon, welcome to me!

   Vern. Pray God my newes be worth a welcome, Lord.
The Earle of Westmerland, seuen thousand strong,
Is marching hither-wards, with Prince Iohn

Vern. I hope my news is worthy of a warm welcome, Lord.
The Earl of Westmerland, seven thousand strong,
Is marching this way, along with Prince John.

   Hotsp. No harme: what more?
  Vern. And further, I haue learn'd,
The King himselfe in person hath set forth,
Or hither-wards intended speedily,
With strong and mightie preparation

Hotsp. No harm: what else?
  Vern. And also, I've learned,
The King himself has set out,
Or is planning to come here soon,
With strong and powerful preparations.

   Hotsp. He shall be welcome too.
Where is his Sonne,
The nimble-footed Mad-Cap, Prince of Wales,
And his Cumrades, that daft the World aside,
And bid it passe?
  Vern. All furnisht, all in Armes,
All plum'd like Estridges, that with the Winde
Bayted like Eagles, hauing lately bath'd,
Glittering in Golden Coates, like Images,
As full of spirit as the Moneth of May,
And gorgeous as the Sunne at Mid-summer,
Wanton as youthfull Goates, wilde as young Bulls.
I saw young Harry with his Beuer on,
His Cushes on his thighes, gallantly arm'd,
Rise from the ground like feathered Mercury,
And vaulted with such ease into his Seat,
As if an Angell dropt downe from the Clouds,
To turne and winde a fierie Pegasus,
And witch the World with Noble Horsemanship

Hotsp. He’ll be welcome too.
Where is his Son,
The quick-footed Mad-Cap, Prince of Wales,
And his friends, who push the world aside,
And let it pass?
  Vern. All ready, all in armor,
All plumed like ostriches, that with the wind
Baited like eagles, having recently bathed,
Shining in golden coats, like statues,
Full of spirit as the month of May,
And as stunning as the sun at midsummer,
Playful as young goats, wild as young bulls.
I saw young Harry with his helmet on,
His pads on his thighs, boldly armed,
Rise from the ground like a feathered Mercury,
And leap into his seat with such ease,
As if an angel dropped down from the clouds,
To steer and guide a fiery Pegasus,
And dazzle the world with noble horsemanship.

   Hotsp. No more, no more,
Worse then the Sunne in March:
This prayse doth nourish Agues: let them come.
They come like Sacrifices in their trimme,
And to the fire-ey'd Maid of smoakie Warre,
All hot, and bleeding, will wee offer them:
The mayled Mars shall on his Altar sit
Vp to the eares in blood. I am on fire,
To heare this rich reprizall is so nigh,
And yet not ours. Come, let me take my Horse,
Who is to beare me like a Thunder-bolt,
Against the bosome of the Prince of Wales.
Harry to Harry, shall not Horse to Horse
Meete, and ne're part, till one drop downe a Coarse?
Oh, that Glendower were come

No more, no more,
Worse than the sun in March:
This praise feeds fevers: let them come.
They arrive like sacrifices in their best clothes,
And to the fire-eyed maiden of smoky war,
All hot and bleeding, we’ll offer them:
The armored Mars shall sit on his altar
Up to his ears in blood. I am on fire,
To hear this rich response is so close,
And yet not ours. Come, let me get my horse,
Who will carry me like a thunderbolt,
Against the chest of the Prince of Wales.
Harry versus Harry, shall not horse to horse
Meet and never part, until one drops dead?
Oh, if only Glendower were here!

   Ver. There is more newes:
I learned in Worcester, as I rode along,
He cannot draw his Power this fourteene dayes

Ver. There’s more news:
I found out in Worcester, as I was traveling,
He hasn’t been able to use his power for fourteen days.

   Dowg. That's the worst Tidings that I heare of
yet

Dowg. That's the worst news I've heard yet.

Wor. I by my faith, that beares a frosty sound

Wor. I swear, that sounds really cold.

   Hotsp. What may the Kings whole Battaile reach
vnto?
  Ver. To thirty thousand

Hotsp. What might the King's entire army be?
Ver. About thirty thousand.

   Hot. Forty let it be,
My Father and Glendower being both away,
The powres of vs, may serue so great a day.
Come, let vs take a muster speedily:
Doomesday is neere; dye all, dye merrily

Hot. Let it be forty,
My father and Glendower are both away,
The power of us may serve so great a day.
Come, let’s prepare quickly:
Doomsday is near; let’s all die, let’s die happily.

   Dow. Talke not of dying, I am out of feare
Of death, or deaths hand, for this one halfe yeare.

Dow. Don't talk about dying, I'm not afraid
Of death, or death's grip, for this whole half year.

Exeunt. Omnes.

Everyone exits.

Scaena Secunda.

Scene Two.

Enter Falstaffe and Bardolph.

Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.

Falst. Bardolph, get thee before to Couentry, fill me a Bottle of Sack, our Souldiers shall march through: wee'le to Sutton-cop-hill to Night

Falst. Bardolph, go ahead to Coventry and get me a bottle of sherry. Our soldiers will march through, and we'll head to Sutton-Cop-Hill tonight.

   Bard. Will you giue me Money, Captaine?
  Falst. Lay out, lay out

Bard. Will you give me money, Captain?
  Falst. Spend it, spend it

Bard. This Bottle makes an Angell

Bard. This bottle creates an angel.

Falst. And if it doe, take it for thy labour: and if it make twentie, take them all, Ile answere the Coynage. Bid my Lieutenant Peto meete me at the Townes end

Falst. And if it does, consider it your payment: and if it makes twenty, take them all, I’ll cover the cost. Tell my Lieutenant Peto to meet me at the end of town.

   Bard. I will Captaine: farewell.
Enter.

Bard. I'm leaving, Captain: goodbye.
Enter.

Falst. If I be not asham'd of my Souldiers, I am a sowc't-Gurnet: I haue mis-vs'd the Kings Presse damnably. I haue got, in exchange of a hundred and fiftie Souldiers, three hundred and odde Pounds. I presse me none but good House-holders, Yeomens Sonnes: enquire me out contracted Batchelers, such as had beene ask'd twice on the Banes: such a Commoditie of warme slaues, as had as lieue heare the Deuill, as a Drumme; such as feare the report of a Caliuer, worse then a struck-Foole, or a hurt wilde-Ducke. I prest me none but such Tostes and Butter, with Hearts in their Bellyes no bigger then Pinnes heads, and they haue bought out their seruices: And now, my whole Charge consists of Ancients, Corporals, Lieutenants, Gentlemen of Companies, Slaues as ragged a Lazarus in the painted Cloth, where the Gluttons Dogges licked his Sores; and such, as indeed were neuer Souldiers, but dis-carded vniust Seruingmen, younger Sonnes to younger Brothers, reuolted Tapsters and Ostlers, Trade-falne, the Cankers of a calme World, and long Peace, tenne times more dis-honorable ragged, then an old-fac'd Ancient; and such haue I to fill vp the roomes of them that haue bought out their seruices: that you would thinke, that I had a hundred and fiftie totter'd Prodigalls, lately come from Swine-keeping, from eating Draffe and Huskes. A mad fellow met me on the way, and told me, I had vnloaded all the Gibbets, and prest the dead bodyes. No eye hath seene such skar-Crowes: Ile not march through Couentry with them, that's flat. Nay, and the Villaines march wide betwixt the Legges, as if they had Gyues on; for indeede, I had the most of them out of Prison. There's not a Shirt and a halfe in all my Company: and the halfe Shirt is two Napkins tackt together, and throwne ouer the shoulders like a Heralds Coat, without sleeues: and the Shirt, to say the truth, stolne from my Host of S[aint]. Albones, or the Red-Nose Inne-keeper of Dauintry. But that's all one, they'le finde Linnen enough on euery Hedge. Enter the Prince, and the Lord of Westmerland.

Falstaff: If I’m not ashamed of my soldiers, I’m a complete fool. I’ve totally misused the King’s press. I’ve swapped out a hundred and fifty soldiers for over three hundred pounds. I only draft good householders, the sons of farmers: look for men who’ve been asked to marry twice already; I’ve got a bunch of warm bodies who’d rather face the devil than a drum; guys who fear the sound of a gunshot worse than a foolish person or a wounded wild duck. I only force into service those cowards with hearts the size of pinheads, and they’ve bought their way out of service. And now, my entire charge is made up of sergeants, corporals, lieutenants, gentlemen of companies, and ragged men like Lazarus in that painting where the glutton’s dogs licked his wounds; and these weren’t even real soldiers, just unfairly dismissed servants, younger sons of younger brothers, disgraced tavern keepers and innkeepers, the draining leeches of a peaceful world. They’re ten times more dishonorably ragged than an old veteran; this is who I have to fill the spots of those who paid for their freedom. You’d think I had a hundred and fifty pitiful prodigals, just back from being swineherds, living on slop and husks. A crazy guy met me on the road and told me I had emptied all the gallows and pressed the dead bodies. No one has ever seen such scarecrows: I won’t march through Coventry with them, that’s for sure. Moreover, these villains strut around like they have shackles on; indeed, I got most of them out of prison. There’s not a shirt and a half in all my company; the half shirt is just two napkins sewn together, thrown over the shoulders like a herald's coat, without sleeves. And the shirt, to be honest, was stolen from my host at St. Albans or the red-nosed innkeeper at Daventry. But that doesn’t matter; they’ll find enough linen on every hedge. Enter the Prince and the Lord of Westmorland.

Prince. How now blowne Iack? how now Quilt? Falst. What Hal? How now mad Wag, what a Deuill do'st thou in Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmerland, I cry you mercy, I thought your Honour had already beene at Shrewsbury

Prince. What's up, blown Jack? What's up, Quilt? Falst. What’s up, Hal? How's it going, crazy buddy? What the heck are you doing in Warwickshire? My good Lord of Westmerland, I apologize, I thought you were already in Shrewsbury.

West. 'Faith, Sir Iohn, 'tis more then time that I were there, and you too: but my Powers are there alreadie. The King, I can tell you, lookes for vs all: we must away all to Night

West. 'Honestly, Sir John, it's well past time for both of us to be there; my abilities are already there. The King, I can tell you, is expecting all of us: we need to leave tonight.

   Falst. Tut, neuer feare me, I am as vigilant as a Cat, to
steale Creame

Falst. Tut, don’t be afraid of me; I'm as watchful as a cat, ready to steal cream.

   Prince. I thinke to steale Creame indeed, for thy theft
hath alreadie made thee Butter: but tell me, Iack, whose
fellowes are these that come after?
  Falst. Mine, Hal, mine

Prince. I really do plan to steal some cream, because your theft
has already turned you into butter: but tell me, Jack, whose
friends are those coming after?
  Falst. Mine, Hal, mine

Prince. I did neuer see such pittifull Rascals

Prince. I have never seen such pitiful losers.

Falst. Tut, tut, good enough to tosse: foode for Powder, foode for Powder: they'le fill a Pit, as well as better: tush man, mortall men, mortall men

Falst. Tut, tut, good enough to toss: food for Powder, food for Powder: they'll fill a pit, just as well as anyone better: tush man, mortal men, mortal men

Westm. I, but Sir Iohn, me thinkes they are exceeding poore and bare, too beggarly

Westm. I, but Sir John, I think they're extremely poor and destitute, too shabby.

Falst. Faith, for their pouertie, I know not where they had that; and for their barenesse, I am sure they neuer learn'd that of me

Falst. Honestly, about their poverty, I have no idea where they got that from; and as for their lack of resources, I'm sure they never learned that from me.

Prince. No, Ile be sworne, vnlesse you call three fingers on the Ribbes bare. But sirra, make haste, Percy is already in the field

Prince. No, I swear, unless you count three fingers on the ribs. But hey, hurry up, Percy is already in the field.

   Falst. What, is the King encamp'd?
  Westm. Hee is, Sir Iohn, I feare wee shall stay too
long

Falst. What, is the King camped?
  Westm. He is, Sir John, I fear we will stay too
long

   Falst. Well, to the latter end of a Fray, and the beginning
of a Feast, fits a dull fighter, and a keene Guest.

Falst. Well, at the end of a fight and the start of a feast, a dull fighter and a sharp guest go well together.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scoena Tertia.

Scene 3.

Enter Hotspur, Worcester, Dowglas, and Vernon.

Enter Hotspur, Worcester, Douglas, and Vernon.

Hotsp. Wee'le fight with him to Night

Hotsp. We'll fight with him tonight.

Worc. It may not be

Worc. It might not be

Dowg. You giue him then aduantage

Dowg. You give him then advantage

Vern. Not a whit

Vern. Not at all

   Hotsp. Why say you so? lookes he not for supply?
  Vern. So doe wee

Hotsp. Why do you say that? Isn't he expecting help?
  Vern. So do we.

Hotsp. His is certaine, ours is doubtfull

Hotsp. His is certain, ours is doubtful

Worc. Good Cousin be aduis'd, stirre not to night

Worc. Good cousin, be careful, don’t stir tonight.

Vern. Doe not, my Lord

Vern. Don't, my Lord

   Dowg. You doe not counsaile well:
You speake it out of feare, and cold heart

Dowg. You don't advise well:
You say that out of fear and a cold heart.

   Vern. Doe me no slander, Dowglas: by my Life,
And I dare well maintaine it with my Life,
If well-respected Honor bid me on,
I hold as little counsaile with weake feare,
As you, my Lord, or any Scot that this day liues.
Let it be seene to morrow in the Battell,
Which of vs feares

Vern. Don't slander me, Dowglas: I swear by my life,
And I'm willing to defend that with my life,
If honorable duty calls me forward,
I consult as little with weak fear,
As you, my Lord, or any Scot alive today.
Let tomorrow's battle reveal
Which of us fears.

Dowg. Yea, or to night

Dog. Yeah, or tonight

Vern. Content

Vern. Content

Hotsp. To night, say I

Hotspot tonight, say I

   Vern. Come, come, it may not be.
I wonder much, being me[n] of such great leading as you are
That you fore-see not what impediments
Drag backe our expedition: certaine Horse
Of my Cousin Vernons are not yet come vp,
Your Vnckle Worcesters Horse came but to day,
And now their pride and mettall is asleepe,
Their courage with hard labour tame and dull,
That not a Horse is halfe the halfe of himselfe

Vern. Come on, it might not be.
I find it hard to believe, being men of such great leadership as you are,
That you don't see the obstacles
Holding back our mission: several horses
From my cousin Vernon haven't arrived yet,
Your Uncle Worcester's horses just got here today,
And now their pride and spirit are asleep,
Their courage has been worn down by hard work,
So not a single horse is half of what it should be.

   Hotsp. So are the Horses of the Enemie
In generall iourney bated, and brought low:
The better part of ours are full of rest

Hotsp. So are the enemies' horses
In general, the journey is exhausting and discouraging:
Most of our people are completely worn out

   Worc. The number of the King exceedeth ours:
For Gods sake, Cousin, stay till all come in.

Worc. The King's forces outnumber ours:
For goodness' sake, Cousin, stay until everyone arrives.

The Trumpet sounds a Parley. Enter Sir Walter Blunt.

The trumpet signals a parley. Enter Sir Walter Blunt.

  Blunt. I come with gracious offers from the King,
If you vouchsafe me hearing, and respect

Blunt. I come with generous offers from the King,
If you will listen to me and show some respect

   Hotsp. Welcome, Sir Walter Blunt:
And would to God you were of our determination.

Hotsp. Welcome, Sir Walter Blunt:
I wish to God you were on our side.

Some of vs loue you well: and euen those some
Enuie your great deseruings, and good name,
Because you are not of our qualitie,
But stand against vs like an Enemie

Some of us love you well, and even those some
Envy your great achievements and good reputation,
Because you're not of our status,
But stand against us like an enemy

   Blunt. And Heauen defend, but still I should stand so,
So long as out of Limit, and true Rule,
You stand against anoynted Maiestie.
But to my Charge.
The King hath sent to know
The nature of your Griefes, and whereupon
You coniure from the Brest of Ciuill Peace,
Such bold Hostilitie, teaching his dutious Land
Audacious Crueltie. If that the King
Haue any way your good Deserts forgot,
Which he confesseth to be manifold,
He bids you name your Griefes, and with all speed
You shall haue your desires, with interest;
And Pardon absolute for your selfe, and these,
Herein mis-led, by your suggestion

Blunt. And heaven help me, I should still stand firm,
As long as you oppose anointed majesty
Beyond reason and true authority.
But let's get to the point.
The King has sent to find out
The nature of your grievances and why
You stir up such bold hostility from the heart of civil peace,
Teaching his loyal land
Audacious cruelty. If the King
Has somehow overlooked your good deeds,
Which he acknowledges are many,
He asks you to name your grievances, and swiftly
You will receive your demands, with interest;
And complete pardon for yourself and those
Who were misguided by your influence.

   Hotsp. The King is kinde:
And well wee know, the King
Knowes at what time to promise, when to pay.
My Father, my Vnckle, and my selfe,
Did giue him that same Royaltie he weares:
And when he was not sixe and twentie strong,
Sicke in the Worlds regard, wretched, and low,
A poore vnminded Out-law, sneaking home,
My Father gaue him welcome to the shore:
And when he heard him sweare, and vow to God,
He came but to be Duke of Lancaster,
To sue his Liuerie, and begge his Peace,
With teares of Innocencie, and tearmes of Zeale;
My Father, in kinde heart and pitty mou'd,
Swore him assistance, and perform'd it too.
Now, when the Lords and Barons of the Realme
Perceiu'd Northumberland did leane to him,
The more and lesse came in with Cap and Knee,
Met him in Boroughs, Cities, Villages,
Attended him on Bridges, stood in Lanes,
Layd Gifts before him, proffer'd him their Oathes,
Gaue him their Heires, as Pages followed him,
Euen at the heeles, in golden multitudes.
He presently, as Greatnesse knowes it selfe,
Step me a little higher then his Vow
Made to my Father, while his blood was poore,
Vpon the naked shore at Rauenspurgh:
And now (forsooth) takes on him to reforme
Some certaine Edicts, and some strait Decrees,
That lay too heauie on the Common-wealth;
Cryes out vpon abuses, seemes to weepe
Ouer his Countries Wrongs: and by this Face,
This seeming Brow of Iustice, did he winne
The hearts of all that hee did angle for.
Proceeded further, cut me off the Heads
Of all the Fauorites, that the absent King
In deputation left behinde him heere,
When hee was personall in the Irish Warre

Hotsp. The King is nice:
And we all know the King
Knows when to make promises and when to keep them.
My father, my uncle, and I,
Gave him the same royalty he wears:
And when he was not even twenty-six,
Looked down upon by the world, miserable, and low,
A poor, unknown outlaw, sneaking home,
My father welcomed him to the shore:
And when he heard him swear and vow to God,
That he came just to be Duke of Lancaster,
To claim his title and beg for peace,
With tears of innocence and words of passion;
My father, moved by kindness and pity,
Swore to help him and followed through.
Now, when the lords and barons of the realm
Saw Northumberland leaning toward him,
More and less came in with hats in hand,
Met him in towns, cities, and villages,
Attended him on bridges, stood in alleys,
Laid gifts before him, offered him their oaths,
Gave him their heirs, like pages following him,
Even at his heels, in golden crowds.
He immediately, as greatness knows itself,
Stepped a little higher than his promise
Made to my father, when his blood was poor,
On the bare shore at Ravenspurgh:
And now (of course) he takes it upon himself to reform
Certain edicts and harsh decrees,
That weigh too heavily on the commonwealth;
Cries out against abuses, seems to weep
Over his country’s wrongs: and with this face,
This pretending brow of justice, he won
The hearts of all he aimed for.
He went further, executed the favorites
That the absent King left behind here,
When he was personally involved in the Irish War.

Blunt. Tut, I came not to hear this

Blunt. Ugh, I didn't come to hear this.

   Hotsp. Then to the point.
In short time after, hee depos'd the King.
Soone after that, depriu'd him of his Life:
And in the neck of that, task't the whole State.
To make that worse, suffer'd his Kinsman March,
Who is, if euery Owner were plac'd,
Indeede his King, to be engag'd in Wales,
There, without Ransome, to lye forfeited:
Disgrac'd me in my happie Victories,
Sought to intrap me by intelligence,
Rated my Vnckle from the Councell-Boord,
In rage dismiss'd my Father from the Court,
Broke Oath on Oath, committed Wrong on Wrong,
And in conclusion, droue vs to seeke out
This Head of safetie; and withall, to prie
Into his Title: the which wee finde
Too indirect, for long continuance

Hotsp. Let's get to the point.
Shortly after, he dethroned the King.
Soon after that, he took his life:
And right after that, put the whole State in jeopardy.
To make matters worse, he allowed his cousin March,
Who would actually be his King if everyone was in their rightful place,
To be trapped in Wales,
There, to be lost without ransom:
He disgraced me in my happy victories,
Tried to trap me with spies,
Kicked my uncle off the council,
In anger, sent my father away from the court,
Broke oath after oath, committed wrong after wrong,
And in the end, forced us to seek out
This safety plan; and at the same time, to pry
Into his claim: which we find
Too unstable for the long term.

   Blunt. Shall I returne this answer to the King?
  Hotsp. Not so, Sir Walter.
Wee'le with-draw a while:
Goe to the King, and let there be impawn'd
Some suretie for a safe returne againe,
And in the Morning early shall my Vnckle
Bring him our purpose: and so farewell

Blunt. Should I take this answer back to the King?
  Hotsp. Not at all, Sir Walter.
Let's step back for a bit:
Go to the King and arrange for some guarantee
For a safe return.
In the morning, my uncle
Will bring him our plan, so goodbye.

Blunt. I would you would accept of Grace and Loue

Blunt. I wish you would accept Grace and Love.

Hotsp. And't may be, so wee shall

Hotsp. And it may be, so we shall

Blunt. Pray Heauen you doe.

Blunt. Hope Heaven you do.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Scena Quarta.

Scene Four.

Enter the Arch-Bishop of Yorke, and Sir Michell.

Enter the Archbishop of York and Sir Michell.

  Arch. Hie, good Sir Michell, beare this sealed Briefe
With winged haste to the Lord Marshall,
This to my Cousin Scroope, and all the rest
To whom they are directed.
If you knew how much they doe import,
You would make haste

Arch. Hey, good Sir Michell, take this sealed letter
With speedy urgency to Lord Marshall,
This one is for my Cousin Scroope, and all the others
To whom they are addressed.
If you knew how important they are,
You would hurry.

Sir Mich. My good Lord, I guesse their tenor

Sir Mich. My good Lord, I guess their tone

   Arch. Like enough you doe.
To morrow, good Sir Michell, is a day,
Wherein the fortune of ten thousand men
Must bide the touch. For Sir, at Shrewsbury,
As I am truly giuen to vnderstand,
The King, with mightie and quick-raysed Power,
Meetes with Lord Harry: and I feare, Sir Michell,
What with the sicknesse of Northumberland,
Whose Power was in the first proportion;
And what with Owen Glendowers absence thence,
Who with them was rated firmely too,
And comes not in, ouer-rul'd by Prophecies,
I feare the Power of Percy is too weake,
To wage an instant tryall with the King

Arch. You probably do.
Tomorrow, good Sir Michell, is a day,
When the fate of ten thousand men
Must be tested. For, Sir, at Shrewsbury,
As I have truly come to understand,
The King, with a mighty and quickly assembled force,
Meets with Lord Harry: and I fear, Sir Michell,
Considering the illness of Northumberland,
Whose strength was initially significant;
And with Owen Glendower's absence,
Who was also considered a key player,
And doesn’t show up, swayed by prophecies,
I fear Percy’s force is too weak,
To engage in an immediate battle with the King.

   Sir Mich. Why, my good Lord, you need not feare,
There is Dowglas, and Lord Mortimer

Sir Mich. Why, my good Lord, you don’t need to worry,
There’s Dowglas, and Lord Mortimer

Arch. No, Mortimer is not there

Arch. No, Mortimer isn't around

   Sir Mic. But there is Mordake, Vernon, Lord Harry Percy,
And there is my Lord of Worcester,
And a Head of gallant Warriors,
Noble Gentlemen

Sir Mic. But there is Mordake, Vernon, Lord Harry Percy,
And there is my Lord of Worcester,
And a group of brave warriors,
Noble gentlemen

   Arch. And so there is, but yet the King hath Drawne
The speciall head of all the Land together:
The Prince of Wales, Lord Iohn of Lancaster,
The Noble Westmerland, and warlike Blunt;
And many moe Corriuals, and deare men
Of estimation, and command in Armes

Arch. And so there is, but the King has gathered
The main leaders of the entire country:
The Prince of Wales, Lord John of Lancaster,
The noble Westmorland, and the warrior Blunt;
And many more companions, and dear friends
Of high status, and command in arms

   Sir M. Doubt not my Lord, he shall be well oppos'd
  Arch. I hope no lesse? Yet needfull 'tis to feare,
And to preuent the worst, Sir Michell speed;
For if Lord Percy thriue not, ere the King
Dismisse his power, he meanes to visit vs:
For he hath heard of our Confederacie,
And, 'tis but Wisedome to make strong against him:
Therefore make hast, I must go write againe
To other Friends: and so farewell, Sir Michell.

Sir M. Don't worry, my Lord, he will be well challenged.
  Arch. I hope that's true. But it's necessary to be cautious
And to prevent the worst, Sir Michell, hurry up;
Because if Lord Percy isn't successful before the King
Dismisses his forces, he plans to come after us:
He's heard about our alliance,
And it's wise to strengthen our defenses against him:
So hurry, I have to go write to other friends again
And with that, goodbye, Sir Michell.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Actus Quintus. Scena Prima.

Act V. Scene I.

Enter the King, Prince of Wales, Lord Iohn of Lancaster, Earle of
Westmerland, Sir Walter Blunt, and Falstaffe.

Enter the King, Prince of Wales, Lord John of Lancaster, Earl of
Westmorland, Sir Walter Blunt, and Falstaff.

  King. How bloodily the Sunne begins to peere
Aboue yon busky hill: the day lookes pale
At his distemperature
  Prin. The Southerne winde
Doth play the Trumpet to his purposes,
And by his hollow whistling in the Leaues,
Fortels a Tempest, and a blust'ring day

King. How bloody the sun starts to rise
Above that bushy hill: the day looks pale
At its disturbance
Prin. The southern wind
Plays the trumpet to its intentions,
And with its hollow whistling in the leaves,
Foretells a storm and a blustery day

   King. Then with the losers let it sympathize,
For nothing can seeme foule to those that win.

King. Then let it share in the losers' pain,
For nothing appears ugly to those who win.

The Trumpet sounds.

The trumpet plays.

Enter Worcester.

Enter Worcester.

  King. How now my Lord of Worster? 'Tis not well
That you and I should meet vpon such tearmes,
As now we meet. You haue deceiu'd our trust,
And made vs doffe our easie Robes of Peace,
To crush our old limbes in vngentle Steele:
This is not well, my Lord, this is not well.
What say you to it? Will you againe vnknit
This churlish knot of all-abhorred Warre?
And moue in the obedient Orbe againe,
Where you did giue a faire and naturall light,
And be no more an exhall'd Meteor,
A prodigie of Feare, and a Portent
Of broached Mischeefe, to the vnborne Times?
  Wor. Heare me, my Liege:
For mine owne part, I could be well content
To entertaine the Lagge-end of my life
With quiet houres: For I do protest,
I haue not sought the day of this dislike

King. What's up, my Lord of Worster? It’s not right
That you and I should meet under these terms,
As we do now. You’ve betrayed our trust,
And made us take off our comfortable robes of peace,
To fight in heavy armor:
This is not right, my Lord, this is not right.
What do you say? Will you once again untangle
This bitter knot of hated war?
And move in the peaceful orbit again,
Where you once shone brightly and naturally,
And no longer be a shooting star,
A source of fear, and a sign
Of disaster for future generations?
  Wor. Listen to me, my Liege:
For my part, I would be quite happy
To spend the rest of my life
In quiet hours: I swear,
I have not sought this day of conflict

   King. You haue not sought it: how comes it then?
  Fal. Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it

King. You haven't tried to get it: how did that happen?
  Fal. Rebellion was in his path, and he encountered it.

Prin. Peace, Chewet, peace

Chill out, Chewet, chill out

   Wor. It pleas'd your Maiesty, to turne your lookes
Of Fauour, from my Selfe, and all our House;
And yet I must remember you my Lord,
We were the first, and dearest of your Friends:
For you, my staffe of Office did I breake
In Richards time, and poasted day and night
To meete you on the way, and kisse your hand,
When yet you were in place, and in account
Nothing so strong and fortunate, as I;
It was my Selfe, my Brother, and his Sonne,
That brought you home, and boldly did out-dare
The danger of the time. You swore to vs,
And you did sweare that Oath at Doncaster,
That you did nothing of purpose 'gainst the State,
Nor claime no further, then your new-falne right,
The seate of Gaunt, Dukedome of Lancaster,
To this, we sware our aide: But in short space,
It rain'd downe Fortune showring on your head,
And such a floud of Greatnesse fell on you,
What with our helpe, what with the absent King.
What with the iniuries of wanton time,
The seeming sufferances that you had borne,
And the contrarious Windes that held the King
So long in the vnlucky Irish Warres,
That all in England did repute him dead:
And from this swarme of faire aduantages,
You tooke occasion to be quickly woo'd,
To gripe the generall sway into your hand,
Forgot your Oath to vs at Doncaster,
And being fed by vs, you vs'd vs so,
As that vngentle gull the Cuckowes Bird,
Vseth the Sparrow, did oppresse our Nest
Grew by our Feeding, to so great a builke,
That euen our Loue durst not come neere your sight
For feare of swallowing: But with nimble wing
We were infor'd for safety sake, to flye
Out of your sight, and raise this present Head,
Whereby we stand opposed by such meanes
As you your selfe, haue forg'd against your selfe,
By vnkinde vsage, dangerous countenance,
And violation of all faith and troth
Sworne to vs in yonger enterprize

Wor. It pleased your Majesty to turn your favor away
From me and my whole family;
But I must remind you, my Lord,
We were the first and closest of your friends:
For you, I broke my staff of office
In Richard's time and rushed day and night
To meet you on the road and kiss your hand,
When you were still in power and regarded
As nothing so strong and fortunate as I;
It was myself, my brother, and his son,
Who brought you back and boldly faced
The dangers of the time. You swore to us,
And you swore that oath at Doncaster,
That you did nothing intentionally against the state,
Nor claimed anything beyond your newfound rights,
The seat of Gaunt, the Duchy of Lancaster;
To this, we swore our support: But in a short time,
Fortune rained down upon you,
And such a flood of greatness fell on you,
Thanks to our help, the absent king,
The injustices of capricious time,
The apparent sufferings you endured,
And the opposing winds that kept the king
So long in the unlucky Irish Wars,
That everyone in England believed he was dead:
And from this swarm of favorable opportunities,
You took the chance to be quickly wooed,
To seize the general power for yourself,
Forgot your oath to us at Doncaster,
And having been supported by us, you used us so,
Like that ungrateful cuckoo bird,
Uses the sparrow to oppress our nest
Grown by our feeding, to such a size,
That even our love dared not come near your sight
For fear of being consumed: But with nimble wings,
We were forced to fly away for safety,
Out of your sight and raise this present head,
By which we stand opposed through such means
As you yourself have forged against yourself,
By unkind treatment, dangerous demeanor,
And violation of all faith and trust
Sworn to us in younger endeavors.

   Kin. These things indeed you haue articulated,
Proclaim'd at Market Crosses, read in Churches,
To face the Garment of Rebellion
With some fine colour, that may please the eye
Of fickle Changelings, and poore Discontents,
Which gape, and rub the Elbow at the newes
Of hurly burly Innouation:
And neuer yet did Insurrection want
Such water-colours, to impaint his cause:
Nor moody Beggars, staruing for a time
Of pell-mell hauocke, and confusion

Kin. These things you've definitely expressed,
Announced at Market Crosses, read in Churches,
To cover the Garment of Rebellion
With some nice color that might please the eye
Of fickle Changelings and poor Discontents,
Who gape and rub their elbows at the news
Of chaotic Innovation:
And Insurrection has never needed
Such fake touches to paint its cause:
Nor moody Beggars, starving for a time
Of reckless havoc and confusion

   Prin. In both our Armies, there is many a soule
Shall pay full dearely for this encounter,
If once they ioyne in triall. Tell your Nephew,
The Prince of Wales doth ioyne with all the world
In praise of Henry Percie: By my Hopes,
This present enterprize set off his head,
I do not thinke a brauer Gentleman,
More actiue, valiant, or more valiant yong,
More daring, or more bold, is now aliue,
To grace this latter Age with Noble deeds.
For my part, I may speake it to my shame,
I haue a Truant beene to Chiualry,
And so I heare, he doth account me too:
Yet this before my Fathers Maiesty,
I am content that he shall take the oddes
Of his great name and estimation,
And will, to saue the blood on either side,
Try fortune with him, in a Single Fight

Prin. In both our armies, there are many souls
Who will pay dearly for this encounter,
If they once join in battle. Tell your nephew,
The Prince of Wales joins everyone
In praising Henry Percy: Honestly,
This current venture will cost him his head,
I don’t believe there’s a braver gentleman,
More active, courageous, or more youthful,
More daring, or bolder, who is alive,
To honor this later age with noble deeds.
For my part, I may say it to my shame,
I have been a slacker when it comes to chivalry,
And I hear he thinks the same of me:
Yet this before my father’s majesty,
I am willing for him to take the risk
Of his great name and reputation,
And will, to save blood on either side,
Test my luck against him in a single fight.

   King. And Prince of Wales, so dare we venter thee,
Albeit, considerations infinite
Do make against it: No good Worster, no,
We loue our people well; euen those we loue
That are misled vpon your Cousins part:
And will they take the offer of our Grace:
Both he, and they, and you; yea euery man
Shall be my Friend againe, and Ile be his.
So tell your Cousin, and bring me word,
What he will do. But if he will not yeeld,
Rebuke and dread correction waite on vs,
And they shall do their Office. So bee gone,
We will not now be troubled with reply,
We offer faire, take it aduisedly.

King. And Prince of Wales, we dare to approach you,
Even though countless considerations
Argue against it: No good Worster, no,
We care for our people; even those we love
Who have been misled by your cousin:
And if they accept our offer of grace:
Both he and they, and you; yes, every man
Shall be my friend again, and I'll be his.
So tell your cousin, and let me know,
What he will decide. But if he won't give in,
Rebuke and severe punishment will be upon us,
And they will do their part. So go now,
We won’t be bothered with replies,
We offer fairly, take it seriously.

Exit Worcester.

Leave Worcester.

  Prin. It will not be accepted, on my life,
The Dowglas and the Hotspurre both together,
Are confident against the world in Armes

Prin. I swear, it won't be accepted,
The Douglases and the Hotspurs together,
Are sure they can take on the world in arms.

   King. Hence therefore, euery Leader to his charge,
For on their answer will we set on them;
And God befriend vs, as our cause is iust.

King. So, every leader to his duty,
Because we will attack based on their response;
And may God support us, as our cause is just.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Manet Prince and Falstaffe.

Manet, Prince, and Falstaff.

  Fal. Hal, if thou see me downe in the battell,
And bestride me, so; 'tis a point of friendship

Fal. Hal, if you see me down in battle,
And step over me like this; it's a mark of friendship

   Prin. Nothing but a Colossus can do thee that frendship
Say thy prayers, and farewell

Prin. Only a giant can give you that kind of friendship.
Say your prayers, and goodbye.

Fal. I would it were bed time Hal, and all well

Fal. I wish it were bedtime, Hal, and everything was good.

Prin. Why, thou ow'st heauen a death

Prin. Why, you owe heaven a death.

Falst. 'Tis not due yet: I would bee loath to pay him before his day. What neede I bee so forward with him, that call's not on me? Well, 'tis no matter, Honor prickes me on. But how if Honour pricke me off when I come on? How then? Can Honour set too a legge? No: or an arme? No: Or take away the greefe of a wound? No. Honour hath no skill in Surgerie, then? No. What is Honour A word. What is that word Honour? Ayre: A trim reckoning. Who hath it? He that dy'de a Wednesday. Doth he feele it? No. Doth hee heare it? No. Is it insensible then? yea, to the dead. But wil it not liue with the liuing? No. Why? Detraction wil not suffer it, therfore Ile none of it. Honour is a meere Scutcheon, and so ends my Catechisme. Enter.

Falst. It's not due yet: I’d be reluctant to pay him before his time. Why should I be so eager with him, when he doesn't even ask me? Well, it doesn't matter, Honor is pushing me on. But what if Honor pushes me away when I show up? What then? Can Honor heal a leg? No. Or an arm? No. Or ease the pain of a wound? No. So, Honor has no skill in surgery, then? No. What is Honor? A word. What does that word Honor mean? Air: A neat calculation. Who has it? The person who died on a Wednesday. Does he feel it? No. Does he hear it? No. Is it senseless, then? Yes, to the dead. But will it not exist with the living? No. Why? Because criticism won't allow it, so I want none of it. Honor is just a shield, and that concludes my lesson. Enter.

Scena Secunda.

Scene Two.

Enter Worcester, and Sir Richard Vernon.

Enter Worcester and Sir Richard Vernon.

  Wor. O no, my Nephew must not know, Sir Richard,
The liberall kinde offer of the King

Wor. Oh no, my nephew can't find out, Sir Richard,
The generous offer from the King

Ver. 'Twere best he did

It's best if he does

   Wor. Then we are all vndone.
It is not possible, it cannot be,
The King would keepe his word in louing vs,
He will suspect vs still, and finde a time
To punish this offence in others faults:
Supposition, all our liues, shall be stucke full of eyes;
For Treason is but trusted like the Foxe,
Who ne're so tame, so cherisht, and lock'd vp,
Will haue a wilde tricke of his Ancestors:
Looke how he can, or sad or merrily,
Interpretation will misquote our lookes,
And we shall feede like Oxen at a stall,
The better cherisht, still the nearer death.
My Nephewes Trespasse may be well forgot,
It hath the excuse of youth, and heate of blood,
And an adopted name of Priuiledge,
A haire-brain'd Hotspurre, gouern'd by a Spleene:
All his offences liue vpon my head,
And on his Fathers. We did traine him on,
And his corruption being tane from vs,
We as the Spring of all, shall pay for all:
Therefore good Cousin, let not Harry know
In any case, the offer of the King

Wor. Then we're all done for.
It's impossible, it can't be,
The King would keep his word in loving us,
He'll always suspect us and find a time
To punish this offense by pointing out others' faults:
Supposition will fill our lives with scrutiny;
For treason is just as trusted as the fox,
Who, no matter how tame, cherished, and locked up,
Will have a wild instinct from his ancestors:
Look at him, whether he's sad or cheerful,
Interpretation will misread our expressions,
And we’ll be like oxen in a stall,
The better cared for, the closer to death.
My nephew’s misdeeds might be easily forgotten,
He has the excuse of youth and passion,
And an inherited name of privilege,
A hotheaded Hotspur, ruled by impulse:
All his offenses rest on my shoulders,
And on his father's. We trained him ourselves,
And since his corruption has been taken from us,
We, being the source of it all, will pay for everything:
Therefore, good cousin, let’s not let Harry know
Under any circumstances, about the offer of the King.

   Ver. Deliuer what you will, Ile say 'tis so.
Heere comes your Cosin.
Enter Hotspurre.

Ver. Deliver what you want, I'll say it's true.
Here comes your cousin.
Enter Hotspur.

  Hot. My Vnkle is return'd,
Deliuer vp my Lord of Westmerland.
Vnkle, what newes?
  Wor. The King will bid you battell presently

Hot. My uncle has returned,
Deliver up my lord of Westmorland.
Uncle, what's the news?
  Wor. The king is going to challenge you to battle right away.

   Dow. Defie him by the Lord of Westmerland
  Hot. Lord Dowglas: Go you and tell him so

Dow. Defy him by the Lord of Westmerland.
  Hot. Lord Douglas: You go and tell him that.

Dow. Marry and shall, and verie willingly.

Dow. Marry and shall, and very willingly.

Exit Dowglas.

Exit Douglas.

Wor. There is no seeming mercy in the King

Wor. There's no apparent mercy in the King

Hot. Did you begge any? God forbid

Hot. Did you beg any? God forbid.

   Wor. I told him gently of our greeuances,
Of his Oath-breaking: which he mended thus,
By now forswearing that he is forsworne,
He cals vs Rebels, Traitors, and will scourge
With haughty armes, this hatefull name in vs.
Enter Dowglas.

Wor. I calmly explained our complaints to him,
About his broken promises: which he fixed like this,
By now claiming he wasn’t lying,
He calls us Rebels, Traitors, and will attack
With arrogant force, this hateful label on us.
Enter Dowglas.

  Dow. Arme Gentlemen, to Armes, for I haue thrown
A braue defiance in King Henries teeth:
And Westmerland that was ingag'd did beare it,
Which cannot choose but bring him quickly on

Dow. Arm yourselves, gentlemen, for I have thrown
A bold challenge in King Henry's face:
And Westmoreland, who was involved, took it on,
Which will surely prompt him to respond quickly

   Wor. The Prince of Wales stept forth before the king,
And Nephew, challeng'd you to single fight

Wor. The Prince of Wales stepped forward before the king,
And Nephew, challenged you to a one-on-one fight

   Hot. O, would the quarrell lay vpon our heads,
And that no man might draw short breath to day,
But I and Harry Monmouth. Tell me, tell mee,
How shew'd his Talking? Seem'd it in contempt?
  Ver. No, by my Soule: I neuer in my life
Did heare a Challenge vrg'd more modestly,
Vnlesse a Brother should a Brother dare
To gentle exercise, and proofe of Armes.
He gaue you all the Duties of a Man,
Trimm'd vp your praises with a Princely tongue,
Spoke your deseruings like a Chronicle,
Making you euer better then his praise,
By still dispraising praise, valew'd with you:
And which became him like a Prince indeed,
He made a blushing citall of himselfe,
And chid his Trewant youth with such a Grace,
As if he mastred there a double spirit
Of teaching, and of learning instantly:
There did he pause. But let me tell the World,
If he out-liue the enuie of this day,
England did neuer owe so sweet a hope,
So much misconstrued in his Wantonnesse,
  Hot. Cousin, I thinke thou art enamored
On his Follies: neuer did I heare
Of any Prince so wilde at Liberty.
But be he as he will, yet once ere night,
I will imbrace him with a Souldiers arme,
That he shall shrinke vnder my curtesie.
Arme, arme with speed. And Fellow's, Soldiers, Friends,
Better consider what you haue to do,
That I that haue not well the gift of Tongue,
Can lift your blood vp with perswasion.
Enter a Messenger.

Hot. Oh, I wish the argument would fall on us,
And that no one could take a breath today,
Except for me and Harry Monmouth. Tell me, tell me,
How did he speak? Did it seem disrespectful?
  Ver. No, I swear: I’ve never in my life
Heard a challenge put forth so modestly,
Unless a brother dares another brother
To a friendly contest and test of arms.
He gave you all the respect a man can give,
Praising you with a royal tone,
Describing your achievements like a story,
Making you always greater than his praise,
By constantly downplaying it, valued by you:
And it suited him like a prince indeed,
He made himself blush with pride,
And scolded his wild youth with such grace,
As if he mastered both teaching and learning at once:
There he paused. But let me tell the world,
If he survives the envy of this day,
England has never owed such sweet hope,
So much misunderstood in his wildness,
  Hot. Cousin, I think you're infatuated
With his foolishness: I’ve never heard
Of any prince so untamed and free.
But no matter how he is, once before night,
I will embrace him with a soldier's grip,
So that he will feel overwhelmed by my kindness.
Arm, arm quickly. And listen up, soldiers, friends,
You better think about what you need to do,
Because I, lacking the gift of speech,
Can fire you up with persuasion.
Enter a Messenger.

Mes. My Lord, heere are Letters for you

Mes. My Lord, here are letters for you.

   Hot. I cannot reade them now.
O Gentlemen, the time of life is short;
To spend that shortnesse basely, were too long.
If life did ride vpon a Dials point,
Still ending at the arriuall of an houre,
And if we liue, we liue to treade on Kings:
If dye; braue death, when Princes dye with vs.
Now for our Consciences, the Armes is faire,
When the intent for bearing them is iust.
Enter another Messenger.

Hot. I can’t read them now.
Oh, gentlemen, life is short;
To waste that short time on something worthless would be too long.
If life were just a point on a dial,
Always ending with the arrival of an hour,
And if we live, we live to tread on the kings:
If we die, we face a brave death when princes die with us.
Now, for our consciences, the cause is fair,
When the purpose of bearing arms is just.
Enter another Messenger.

Mes. My Lord prepare, the King comes on apace

Mes. My Lord, get ready; the King is coming quickly.

   Hot. I thanke him, that he cuts me from my tale:
For I professe not talking: Onely this,
Let each man do his best. And heere I draw a Sword,
Whose worthy temper I intend to staine
With the best blood that I can meete withall,
In the aduenture of this perillous day.
Now Esperance Percy, and set on:
Sound all the lofty Instruments of Warre,
And by that Musicke, let vs all imbrace:
For heauen to earth, some of vs neuer shall,
A second time do such a curtesie.

Hot. I thank him for interrupting my story:
Because I’m not one for talking: Just this,
Let every man do his best. And here I draw a sword,
Whose worthy edge I plan to stain
With the best blood I can find,
In the adventure of this dangerous day.
Now Esperance Percy, let’s go:
Sound all the mighty instruments of war,
And through that music, let us all embrace:
For from heaven to earth, some of us will never,
Have such a courtesy again.

They embrace, the trumpets sound, the King entereth with his power, alarum vnto the battell. Then enter Dowglas, and Sir Walter Blunt.

They hug, the trumpets play, the King enters with his power, signaling the battle. Then, Douglas and Sir Walter Blunt enter.

  Blu. What is thy name, that in battel thus y crossest me?
What honor dost thou seeke vpon my head?
  Dow. Know then my name is Dowglas,
And I do haunt thee in the Battell thus,
Because some tell me, that thou art a King

Blu. What’s your name, that you challenge me in battle like this?
What honor are you looking for by fighting me?
  Dow. Just know that my name is Dowglas,
And I’m here to confront you in battle,
Because I’ve heard some say that you’re a King

Blunt. They tell thee true

Blunt. They tell you the truth.

   Dow. The Lord of Stafford deere to day hath bought
Thy likenesse: for insted of thee King Harry,
This Sword hath ended him, so shall it thee,
Vnlesse thou yeeld thee as a Prisoner

Dow. The Lord of Stafford has bought your likeness today:
Instead of you, King Harry,
This sword has finished him, and it will finish you,
Unless you surrender as a prisoner.

   Blu. I was not borne to yeeld, thou haughty Scot,
And thou shalt finde a King that will reuenge
Lords Staffords death.

Blu. I was not born to yield, you haughty Scot,
And you will find a King who will avenge
Lord Stafford's death.

Fight, Blunt is slaine, then enters Hotspur.

Fight, Blunt is killed, then Hotspur enters.

  Hot. O Dowglas, hadst thou fought at Holmedon thus
I neuer had triumphed o're a Scot

Hot. O Douglas, if you had fought at Holmedon like this
I would never have triumphed over a Scot

   Dow. All's done, all's won, here breathles lies the king
  Hot. Where?
  Dow. Heere

Dow. Everything's finished, everything's won, here lies the king, breathless.
  Hot. Where?
  Dow. Here.

   Hot. This Dowglas? No, I know this face full well:
A gallant Knight he was, his name was Blunt,
Semblably furnish'd like the King himselfe

Hot. This Dowglas? No, I'm very familiar with this face:
He was a brave Knight, and his name was Blunt,
Dressed much like the King himself

   Dow. Ah foole: go with thy soule whether it goes,
A borrowed Title hast thou bought too deere.
Why didst thou tell me, that thou wer't a King?
  Hot. The King hath many marching in his Coats

Dow. Ah fool: go with your soul wherever it goes,
You’ve paid too much for a borrowed title.
Why did you tell me that you were a King?
  Hot. The King has many people in his ranks

   Dow. Now by my Sword, I will kill all his Coates,
Ile murder all his Wardrobe peece by peece,
Vntill I meet the King

Dow. Now by my sword, I will kill all his clothes,
I'll destroy his entire wardrobe piece by piece,
Until I meet the King

   Hot. Vp, and away,
Our Souldiers stand full fairely for the day.

Hot. Vp, and away,
Our soldiers stand strong for the day.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Alarum, and enter Falstaffe solus.

Alarm, and enter Falstaff alone.

Fal. Though I could scape shot-free at London, I fear the shot heere: here's no scoring, but vpon the pate. Soft who are you? Sir Walter Blunt, there's Honour for you: here's no vanity, I am as hot as molten Lead, and as heauy too; heauen keepe Lead out of mee, I neede no more weight then mine owne Bowelles. I haue led my rag of Muffins where they are pepper'd: there's not three of my 150. left aliue, and they for the Townes end, to beg during life. But who comes heere? Enter the Prince

Fal. Even though I could escape from gunfire in London, I'm worried about getting shot here: there's no scoring, except for right on the head. Wait, who are you? Sir Walter Blunt, there’s honor for you: no bragging here, I’m as hot as molten lead, and just as heavy too; heaven keep lead away from me, I don’t need any more weight than what my own insides bring. I’ve led my rag of muffins to where they’re spiced up: there aren’t three of my 150 left alive, and they’re just hanging around town begging for the rest of their lives. But who’s coming here? Enter the Prince

   Pri. What, stand'st thou idle here? Lend me thy sword,
Many a Nobleman lies starke and stiffe
Vnder the hooues of vaunting enemies,
Whose deaths are vnreueng'd. Prethy lend me thy sword
  Fal. O Hal, I prethee giue me leaue to breath awhile:
Turke Gregory neuer did such deeds in Armes, as I haue
done this day. I haue paid Percy, I haue made him sure

Pri. What, are you just standing around? Give me your sword,
Many noblemen are lying stiff and cold
Under the hooves of bragging enemies,
Whose deaths are unavenged. Please, lend me your sword.
  Fal. Oh Hal, please let me take a breather for a moment:
Turkish Gregory never did such things in arms as I have
done today. I've settled things with Percy; I've secured him.

   Prin. He is indeed, and liuing to kill thee:
I prethee lend me thy sword

Prin. He really is, and he's alive to kill you:
I beg you, lend me your sword.

   Falst. Nay Hal, is Percy bee aliue, thou getst not my
Sword; but take my Pistoll if thou wilt

Falst. No, Hal, if Percy is alive, you won't get my
sword; but take my pistol if you want it.

   Prin. Giue it me: What, is it in the case?
  Fal. I Hal, 'tis hot: There's that will Sacke a City.

Prin. Give it to me: What, is it in the case?
  Fal. I swear, it’s hot: There’s enough here to sack a city.

The Prince drawes out a Bottle of Sacke.

The prince pulls out a bottle of sherry.

Prin. What, is it a time to iest and dally now.

Prin. What, is it time to joke and waste time now?

Enter.

Come in.

Throwes it at him.

Throws it at him.

Fal. If Percy be aliue, Ile pierce him: if he do come in my way, so: if he do not, if I come in his (willingly) let him make a Carbonado of me. I like not such grinning honour as Sir Walter hath: Giue mee life, which if I can saue, so: if not, honour comes vnlook'd for, and ther's an end.

Fal. If Percy is alive, I’ll take him down; if he gets in my way, fine. If he doesn’t, and I run into him willingly, let him do whatever he wants to me. I don’t want that kind of fake honor that Sir Walter has. Just give me life; if I can save it, great; if not, then I’ll get honor when I least expect it, and that’ll be that.

Exit

Log out

Scena Tertia.

Scene Three.

Alarum, excursions, enter the King, the Prince, Lord Iohn of Lancaster, and Earle of Westmerland.

Alarum, distractions, enter the King, the Prince, Lord John of Lancaster, and Earl of Westmoreland.

King. I prethee Harry withdraw thy selfe, thou bleedest too much: Lord Iohn of Lancaster, go you with him

King. I urge you, Harry, step back; you're bleeding too much. Lord John of Lancaster, go with him.

P.Ioh. Not I, My Lord, vnlesse I did bleed too

P.Ioh. Not me, My Lord, unless I bleed too.

   Prin. I beseech your Maiesty make vp,
Least your retirement do amaze your friends

Prin. I urge you, Your Majesty, to come out,
Lest your withdrawal startle your friends

   King. I will do so:
My Lord of Westmerland leade him to his Tent

King. I'll do that:
My Lord of Westmerland, take him to his tent.

West. Come my Lord, Ile leade you to your Tent

West. Come, my Lord, I’ll lead you to your tent.

   Prin. Lead me my Lord? I do not need your helpe;
And heauen forbid a shallow scratch should driue
The Prince of Wales from such a field as this,
Where stain'd Nobility lyes troden on,
And Rebels Armes triumph in massacres

Prin. Will you lead me, my Lord? I don’t need your help;
And heaven forbid a minor wound should drive
The Prince of Wales from a battlefield like this,
Where tarnished nobility is trampled,
And rebel forces celebrate their massacres

   Ioh. We breath too long: Come cosin Westmerland,
Our duty this way lies, for heauens sake come

Ioh. We've waited too long: Come, cousin Westmerland,
Our duty is this way, for heaven's sake, come.

   Prin. By heauen thou hast deceiu'd me Lancaster,
I did not thinke thee Lord of such a spirit:
Before, I lou'd thee as a Brother, Iohn;
But now, I do respect thee as my Soule

Prin. By heaven, you have deceived me, Lancaster,
I didn't think you had such a spirit:
Before, I loved you like a brother, John;
But now, I respect you like my soul

   King. I saw him hold Lord Percy at the point,
With lustier maintenance then I did looke for
Of such an vngrowne Warriour

King. I saw him hold Lord Percy at the point,
With stronger support than I expected
From such an inexperienced warrior

   Prin. O this Boy, lends mettall to vs all.
Enter.

Prin. Oh, this boy brings energy to us all.
Enter.

Enter Dowglas.

Enter Douglas.

  Dow. Another King? They grow like Hydra's heads:
I am the Dowglas, fatall to all those
That weare those colours on them. What art thou
That counterfeit'st the person of a King?
  King. The King himselfe: who Dowglas grieues at hart
So many of his shadowes thou hast met,
And not the very King. I haue two Boyes
Seeke Percy and thy selfe about the Field:
But seeing thou fall'st on me so luckily,
I will assay thee: so defend thy selfe

Dow. Another king? They multiply like Hydra's heads:
I am the Dowglas, deadly to all who
Wear those colors. Who are you
That pretends to be a king?
  King. The king himself: whom Dowglas mourns,
For so many of his shadows you've encountered,
And not the real king. I have two boys
Searching for Percy and you on the field:
But since you’ve fallen on me so conveniently,
I’ll take a chance on you: so defend yourself.

   Dow. I feare thou art another counterfeit:
And yet infaith thou bear'st thee like a King:
But mine I am sure thou art, whoere thou be,
And thus I win thee.

Dow. I fear you are another fake:
And yet, honestly, you carry yourself like a king:
But I know for sure you are mine, whoever you are,
And this is how I win you.

They fight, the K[ing]. being in danger, Enter Prince.

They fight, with the King in danger, Enter Prince.

  Prin. Hold vp thy head vile Scot, or thou art like
Neuer to hold it vp againe: the Spirits
Of valiant Sherly, Stafford, Blunt, are in my Armes;
it is the Prince of Wales that threatens thee,
Who neuer promiseth, but he meanes to pay.

Prin. Hold up your head, you vile Scot, or you’ll never hold it up again: the spirits of brave Sherly, Stafford, and Blunt are with me; it’s the Prince of Wales who’s threatening you, and he never makes a promise without intending to keep it.

They Fight, Dowglas flyeth.

They fight, Douglas flies.

Cheerely My Lord: how fare's your Grace?
Sir Nicolas Gawsey hath for succour sent,
And so hath Clifton: Ile to Clifton straight

Cheerfully, My Lord: how are you, Your Grace?
Sir Nicolas Gawsey has sent for help,
And so has Clifton: I’ll go to Clifton right away.

   King. Stay, and breath awhile.
Thou hast redeem'd thy lost opinion,
And shew'd thou mak'st some tender of my life
In this faire rescue thou hast brought to mee

King. Wait, and catch your breath for a moment.
You’ve restored your lost reputation,
And shown that you care about my life
In this noble rescue you’ve brought to me

   Prin. O heauen, they did me too much iniury,
That euer said I hearkned to your death.
If it were so, I might haue let alone
The insulting hand of Dowglas ouer you,
Which would haue bene as speedy in your end,
As all the poysonous Potions in the world,
And sau'd the Treacherous labour of your Sonne

Prin. Oh heaven, they wronged me too much,
to ever say I listened to your death.
If it were true, I could have ignored
the taunting hand of Douglas over you,
which would have been just as quick in your demise,
as all the poisonous potions in the world,
and spared the treacherous efforts of your son.

K. Make vp to Clifton, Ile to Sir Nicholas Gausey.

K. Make way to Clifton, Isle to Sir Nicholas Gausey.

Exit

Leave

Enter Hotspur.

Enter Hotspur.

Hot. If I mistake not, thou art Harry Monmouth

Hot. If I'm not mistaken, you are Harry Monmouth.

Prin. Thou speak'st as if I would deny my name

Prin. You speak as if I would refuse my name

Hot. My name is Harrie Percie

Hot. My name is Harrie Percie.

   Prin. Why then I see a very valiant rebel of that name.
I am the Prince of Wales, and thinke not Percy,
To share with me in glory any more:
Two Starres keepe not their motion in one Sphere,
Nor can one England brooke a double reigne,
Of Harry Percy, and the Prince of Wales

Prin. Well, I see there’s a very brave rebel by that name.
I am the Prince of Wales, and don’t think, Percy,
That you’ll share in my glory any longer:
Two stars can’t move in the same orbit,
And one England can’t handle a double reign,
Of Harry Percy and the Prince of Wales.

   Hot. Nor shall it Harry, for the houre is come
To end the one of vs; and would to heauen,
Thy name in Armes, were now as great as mine

Hot. Nor shall it Harry, for the hour has come
To end one of us; and I wish to heaven,
Your name in arms were now as great as mine

   Prin. Ile make it greater, ere I part from thee,
And all the budding Honors on thy Crest,
Ile crop, to make a Garland for my head

Prin. I'll make it greater before I leave you,
And all the budding honors on your crest,
I'll pick to make a garland for my head

Hot. I can no longer brooke thy Vanities.

Hot. I can no longer tolerate your vanities.

Fight.

Battle.

Enter Falstaffe.

Enter Falstaff.

  Fal. Well said Hal, to it Hal. Nay you shall finde no
Boyes play heere, I can tell you.
Enter Dowglas, he fights with Falstaffe, who fals down as if he
were dead.
The Prince killeth Percie.

Fal. Good point, Hal, let's do this. No boys are playing around here, I promise you.
Enter Dowglas, he fights with Falstaff, who falls down as if he
were dead.
The Prince kills Percy.

  Hot. Oh Harry, thou hast rob'd me of my youth:
I better brooke the losse of brittle life,
Then those proud Titles thou hast wonne of me,
They wound my thoghts worse, then the sword my flesh:
But thought's the slaue of Life, and Life, Times foole;
And Time, that takes suruey of all the world,
Must haue a stop. O, I could Prophesie,
But that the Earth, and the cold hand of death,
Lyes on my Tongue: No Percy, thou art dust
And food for-
  Prin. For Wormes, braue Percy. Farewell great heart:
Ill-weau'd Ambition, how much art thou shrunke?
When that this bodie did containe a spirit,
A Kingdome for it was too small a bound:
But now two paces of the vilest Earth
Is roome enough. This Earth that beares the dead,
Beares not aliue so stout a Gentleman.
If thou wer't sensible of curtesie,
I should not make so great a shew of Zeale.
But let my fauours hide thy mangled face,
And euen in thy behalfe, Ile thanke my selfe
For doing these fayre Rites of Tendernesse.
Adieu, and take thy praise with thee to heauen,
Thy ignomy sleepe with thee in the graue,
But not remembred in thy Epitaph.
What? Old Acquaintance? Could not all this flesh
Keepe in a little life? Poore Iacke, farewell:
I could haue better spar'd a better man.
O, I should haue a heauy misse of thee,
If I were much in loue with Vanity.
Death hath not strucke so fat a Deere to day,
Though many dearer in this bloody Fray:
Imbowell'd will I see thee by and by,
Till then, in blood, by Noble Percie lye.
Enter.

Hot. Oh Harry, you’ve robbed me of my youth:
I can handle the loss of this fragile life,
Better than those proud titles you’ve taken from me,
They hurt my mind more than a sword hurts my flesh:
But thought is the slave of life, and life is time’s fool;
And time, which surveys all the world,
Must have a break. Oh, I could prophesy,
But the earth, and the cold hand of death,
Lie on my tongue: No Percy, you are dust
And food for-
  Prin. Worms, brave Percy. Farewell, great heart:
Ill-formed ambition, how much you've shrunk?
When this body contained a spirit,
A kingdom was too small a limit for it:
But now, two steps on the vilest earth
Is enough space. This earth that bears the dead,
Cannot hold such a stout gentleman alive.
If you valued courtesy,
I wouldn’t have to show so much zeal.
But let my favors hide your mangled face,
And even on your behalf, I’ll thank myself
For performing these acts of tenderness.
Goodbye, and take your praise with you to heaven,
May your shame sleep with you in the grave,
But not be remembered in your epitaph.
What? Old acquaintance? Could not all this flesh
Keep a little life? Poor Jack, farewell:
I could have better spared a better man.
Oh, I would miss you terribly,
If I were too much in love with vanity.
Death hasn’t taken such a fat deer today,
Though many dearer in this bloody fight:
I’ll see you soon, all disemboweled,
Until then, lie in blood with noble Percy.
Enter.

Falstaffe riseth vp.

Falstaff rises up.

Falst. Imbowell'd? If thou imbowell mee to day, Ile giue you leaue to powder me, and eat me too to morow. 'Twas time to counterfet, or that hotte Termagant Scot, had paid me scot and lot too. Counterfeit? I am no counterfeit; to dye, is to be a counterfeit, for hee is but the counterfeit of a man, who hath not the life of a man: But to counterfeit dying, when a man thereby liueth, is to be no counterfeit, but the true and perfect image of life indeede. The better part of Valour, is Discretion; in the which better part, I haue saued my life. I am affraide of this Gun-powder Percy though he be dead. How if hee should counterfeit too, and rise? I am afraid hee would proue the better counterfeit: therefore Ile make him sure: yea, and Ile sweare I kill'd him. Why may not hee rise as well as I: Nothing confutes me but eyes, and no-bodie sees me. Therefore sirra, with a new wound in your thigh come you along me.

Falstaff: Am I dead? If you bury me today, I'll let you spice me and eat me tomorrow. It was time to pretend, or that fiery Scotsman would have made me pay up. Pretend? I'm not pretending; to die is to be a fake, because he's just a fake man who doesn't have a life. But to fake death, when a man does it to survive, is not pretending, but the true and perfect image of life indeed. The best part of bravery is discretion; in which better part, I've saved my life. I'm afraid of this Gunpowder Percy even though he's dead. What if he pretends too and comes back? I'm scared he would be the better fake: so I'll make sure of him; yeah, and I'll swear I killed him. Why can't he rise just like I can? Nothing proves I'm alive but eyes, and nobody sees me. So, come with a fresh wound in your thigh.

Takes Hotspurre on his backe.

Carries Hotspur on his back.

Enter Prince and Iohn of Lancaster.

Enter Prince and John of Lancaster.

  Prin. Come Brother Iohn, full brauely hast thou flesht
thy Maiden sword

Prin. Come Brother John, you've bravely taken your maiden sword.

   Iohn. But soft, who haue we heere?
Did you not tell me this Fat man was dead?
  Prin. I did, I saw him dead,
Breathlesse, and bleeding on the ground: Art thou aliue?
Or is it fantasie that playes vpon our eye-sight?
I prethee speake, we will not trust our eyes
Without our eares. Thou art not what thou seem'st

Iohn. Wait, who do we have here?
Did you not tell me this fat man was dead?
  Prin. I did, I saw him dead,
Breathless and bleeding on the ground: Are you alive?
Or is it an illusion that’s messing with our sight?
Please speak, we can't trust our eyes
Without hearing it from you. You’re not what you seem.

Fal. No, that's certaine: I am not a double man: but if I be not Iacke Falstaffe, then am I a Iacke: There is Percy, if your Father will do me any Honor, so: if not, let him kill the next Percie himselfe. I looke to be either Earle or Duke, I can assure you

Fal. No, that's for sure: I am not a two-faced man: but if I’m not Jack Falstaff, then I am just a Jack: There’s Percy, if your father will do me any favor, great: if not, let him take down the next Percy himself. I expect to be either an Earl or a Duke, I can assure you.

Prin. Why, Percy I kill'd my selfe, and saw thee dead

Prin. Why, Percy, I killed myself and saw you dead.

Fal. Did'st thou? Lord, Lord, how the world is giuen to Lying? I graunt you I was downe, and out of breath, and so was he, but we rose both at an instant, and fought a long houre by Shrewsburie clocke. If I may bee beleeued, so: if not, let them that should reward Valour, beare the sinne vpon their owne heads. Ile take't on my death I gaue him this wound in the Thigh: if the man were aliue, and would deny it, I would make him eate a peece of my sword

Fal. Did you? Wow, how prone to lying people are! I'll admit I was down and out of breath, and so was he, but we both got up at the same time and fought for a long hour by the Shrewsbury clock. If you believe me, great; if not, let those who should reward bravery take the blame for it themselves. I swear on my life I gave him this wound in the thigh: if the guy were alive and denied it, I would make him eat a piece of my sword.

Iohn. This is the strangest Tale that e're I heard

Iohn. This is the strangest story I've ever heard.

   Prin. This is the strangest Fellow, Brother Iohn.
Come bring your luggage Nobly on your backe:
For my part, if a lye may do thee grace,
Ile gil'd it with the happiest tearmes I haue.

Prin. This is the weirdest guy, Brother John.
Come, carry your stuff nobly on your back:
For my part, if a lie can help you out,
I'll dress it up with the best words I have.

A Retreat is sounded.

A retreat is announced.

The Trumpets sound Retreat, the day is ours:
Come Brother, let's to the highest of the field,
To see what Friends are liuing, who are dead.

The trumpets signal retreat, the day is ours:
Come, brother, let’s go to the highest point in the field,
To see who of our friends is alive and who is gone.

Exeunt.

Exit.

Fal. Ile follow as they say, for Reward. Hee that rewards me, heauen reward him. If I do grow great again, Ile grow lesse? For Ile purge, and leaue Sacke, and liue cleanly, as a Nobleman should do.

Fal. I’ll follow like they say, for a reward. Whoever rewards me, may heaven reward him. If I become great again, will I become less? Because I’ll clean myself up, give up drinking, and live well, like a nobleman should.

Exit

Leave

Scaena Quarta.

Scene Four.

The Trumpets sound.

The trumpets play.

Enter the King, Prince of Wales, Lord Iohn of Lancaster, Earle of
Westmerland, with Worcester & Vernon Prisoners.

Enter the King, Prince of Wales, Lord John of Lancaster, Earl of
Westmoreland, with Worcester & Vernon as prisoners.

  King. Thus euer did Rebellion finde Rebuke.
Ill-spirited Worcester, did we not send Grace,
Pardon, and tearmes of Loue to all of you?
And would'st thou turne our offers contrary?
Misuse the tenor of thy Kinsmans trust?
Three Knights vpon our party slaine to day,
A Noble Earle, and many a creature else,
Had beene aliue this houre,
If like a Christian thou had'st truly borne
Betwixt our Armies, true Intelligence

King. So rebellion always gets punished.
Worcester, didn't we send grace,
Pardons, and terms of love to all of you?
And would you turn our offers around?
Misuse the trust of your relatives?
Three knights from our side killed today,
A noble earl, and many others,
Would be alive right now,
If you had truly acted like a Christian
Between our armies, providing true information.

   Wor. What I haue done, my safety vrg'd me to,
And I embrace this fortune patiently,
Since not to be auoyded, it fals on mee

Wor. What I've done, my safety urged me to,
And I accept this fortune patiently,
Since it can't be avoided, it falls on me

   King. Beare Worcester to death, and Vernon too:
Other offenders we will pause vpon.

King. Execute Beare of Worcester and Vernon as well:
We will consider other offenders later.

Exit Worcester and Vernon.

Leave Worcester and Vernon.

How goes the Field?
  Prin. The Noble Scot Lord Dowglas, when hee saw
The fortune of the day quite turn'd from him,
The Noble Percy slaine, and all his men,
Vpon the foot of feare, fled with the rest;
And falling from a hill, he was so bruiz'd
That the pursuers tooke him. At my Tent
The Dowglas is, and I beseech your Grace,
I may dispose of him

How's the battle going?
  Prin. The noble Scottish Lord Douglas, when he saw
The tide of the day completely turned against him,
The noble Percy slain, and all his men,
In fear, fled with the rest;
And after falling from a hill, he was so beaten up
That the pursuers captured him. At my tent
The Douglas is, and I ask your Grace,
If I can deal with him.

King. With all my heart

King. With all my love

   Prin. Then Brother Iohn of Lancaster,
To you this honourable bounty shall belong:
Go to the Dowglas, and deliuer him
Vp to his pleasure, ransomlesse and free:
His Valour shewne vpon our Crests to day,
Hath taught vs how to cherish such high deeds,
Euen in the bosome of our Aduersaries

Prin. Then Brother John of Lancaster,
This honorable generosity will be yours:
Go to Douglas and present him
To do with as he wishes, ransom-free:
His valor shown on our banners today,
Has taught us how to appreciate such great actions,
Even from the heart of our adversaries.

   King. Then this remaines: that we diuide our Power.
You Sonne Iohn, and my Cousin Westmerland
Towards Yorke shall bend you, with your deerest speed
To meet Northumberland, and the Prelate Scroope,
Who (as we heare) are busily in Armes.
My Selfe, and you Sonne Harry will towards Wales,
To fight with Glendower, and the Earle of March.
Rebellion in this Land shall lose his way,
Meeting the Checke of such another day:
And since this Businesse so faire is done,
Let vs not leaue till all our owne be wonne.

King. Then this remains: we need to divide our power.
You, Son John, and my cousin Westmerland
Head towards York as quickly as you can
To meet Northumberland and Bishop Scroop,
Who, as we’ve heard, are busy gathering arms.
Myself and you, Son Harry, will head towards Wales,
To fight Glendower and the Earl of March.
Rebellion in this land will lose its way,
Facing the check of such another day:
And since this business is going so well,
Let’s not stop until all of our own is won.

Exeunt.

Exit.

FINIS. The First Part of Henry the Fourth, with the Life and Death
of
HENRY Sirnamed HOT-SPVRRE.

FINIS. The First Part of Henry the Fourth, with the Life and Death
of
HENRY Nicknamed HOT-SPUR.


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