This is a modern-English version of Clarimonde, originally written by Gautier, Théophile. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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CLARIMONDE



By Théophile Gautier



Translated By Lafcadio Hearn


1908



Brother, you ask me if I have ever loved. Yes. My story is a strange and terrible one; and though I am sixty-six years of age, I scarcely dare even now to disturb the ashes of that memory. To you I can refuse nothing; but I should not relate such a tale to any less experienced mind. So strange were the circumstances of my story, that I can scarcely believe myself to have ever actually been a party to them. For more than three years I remained the victim of a most singular and diabolical illusion. Poor country priest though I was, I led every night in a dream—would to God it had been all a dream!—a most worldly life, a damning life, a life of Sardanapalus. One single look too freely cast upon a woman well-nigh caused me to lose my soul; but finally by the grace of God and the assistance of my patron saint, I succeeded in casting out the evil spirit that possessed me. My daily life was long interwoven with a nocturnal life of a totally different character. By day I was a priest of the Lord, occupied with prayer and sacred things; by night, from the instant that I closed my eyes I became a young nobleman, a fine connoisseur in women, dogs, and horses; gambling, drinking, and blaspheming; and when I awoke at early daybreak, it seemed to me, on the other hand, that I had been sleeping, and had only dreamed that I was a priest. Of this somnambulistic life there now remains to me only the recollection of certain scenes and words which I cannot banish from my memory; but although I never actually left the walls of my presbytery, one would think to hear me speak that I were a man who, weary of all worldly pleasures, had become a religious, seeking to end a tempestuous life in the service of God, rather than a humble seminarist who has grown old in this obscure curacy, situated in the depths of the woods and even isolated from the life of the century.

Brother, you ask me if I have ever loved. Yes. My story is strange and terrible; and even at sixty-six, I hardly dare to revisit those memories. I can refuse you nothing, but I wouldn’t share such a tale with anyone less experienced. The circumstances of my story are so bizarre that I can scarcely believe I was ever part of them. For more than three years, I was a victim of a singular and diabolical illusion. Though I was just a poor country priest, every night in a dream—oh, how I wish it had all been a dream!—I lived a worldly life, a damning life, a life of excess. One careless glance at a woman almost cost me my soul; but finally, through the grace of God and the support of my patron saint, I managed to cast out the evil spirit that possessed me. My daily life intertwined with a completely different nocturnal existence. By day, I was a priest of the Lord, engaged in prayer and sacred matters; by night, as soon as I closed my eyes, I transformed into a young nobleman, a suave connoisseur of women, dogs, and horses; gambling, drinking, and blaspheming; and when I woke at dawn, it felt as if I had only dreamed of being a priest. From that somnambulistic life, I now only have vague memories of certain scenes and words that I can’t shake off; but although I never physically left my presbytery, you would think from my words that I was a man, tired of all worldly pleasures, who had turned to religion to escape a tumultuous life in service to God, rather than a humble seminarian who has grown old in this obscure parish, hidden deep in the woods and isolated from the world.

Yes, I have loved as none in the world ever loved—with an insensate and furious passion—so violent that I am astonished it did not cause my heart to burst asunder. Ah, what nights—what nights!

Yes, I have loved like no one else in the world—with a reckless and intense passion—so strong that I’m amazed it didn’t make my heart explode. Ah, those nights—those nights!

From my earliest childhood I had felt a vocation to the priesthood, so that all my studies were directed with that idea in view. Up to the age of twenty-four my life had been only a prolonged novitiate. Having completed my course of theology I successively received all the minor orders, and my superiors judged me worthy, despite my youth, to pass the last awful degree. My ordination was fixed for Easter week.

From my earliest childhood, I felt called to the priesthood, so all my studies were focused on that goal. By the time I turned twenty-four, my life had been like a long training period. After finishing my theology studies, I received all the minor orders, and my superiors believed I was ready, despite my young age, to take the final, significant step. My ordination was scheduled for Easter week.

I had never gone into the world. My world was confined by the walls of the college and the seminary. I knew in a vague sort of a way that there was something called Woman, but I never permitted my thoughts to dwell on such a subject, and I lived in a state of perfect innocence. Twice a year only I saw my infirm and aged mother, and in those visits were comprised my sole relations with the outer world.

I had never stepped out into the world. My experience was limited to the walls of college and seminary. I had a vague idea that there was something called Woman, but I never allowed myself to think about it, and I lived in complete innocence. I only saw my frail, elderly mother twice a year, and those visits were my only connection to the outside world.

I regretted nothing; I felt not the least hesitation at taking the last irrevocable step; I was filled with joy and impatience. Never did a betrothed lover count the slow hours with more feverish ardour; I slept only to dream that I was saying mass; I believed there could be nothing in the world more delightful than to be a priest; I would have refused to be a king or a poet in preference. My ambition could conceive of no loftier aim.

I regretted nothing; I didn’t hesitate at all about taking the final, irreversible step; I was filled with joy and excitement. Never did an engaged lover count the slow hours with more intense passion; I slept only to dream that I was officiating a mass; I believed there could be nothing in the world more wonderful than being a priest; I would have turned down being a king or a poet instead. My ambition couldn’t imagine a higher goal.

I tell you this in order to show you that what happened to me could not have happened in the natural order of things, and to enable you to understand that I was the victim of an inexplicable fascination.

I share this with you to demonstrate that what happened to me couldn’t have occurred in a normal way, and to help you grasp that I was caught in an unexplainable fascination.

At last the great day came. I walked to the church with a step so light that I fancied myself sustained in air, or that I had wings upon my shoulders. I believed myself an angel, and wondered at the sombre and thoughtful faces of my companions, for there were several of us. I had passed all the night in prayer, and was in a condition wellnigh bordering on ecstasy. The bishop, a venerable old man, seemed to me God the Father leaning over His Eternity, and I beheld Heaven through the vault of the temple.

At last, the big day arrived. I walked to the church with such a light step that I felt like I was floating, as if I had wings on my shoulders. I saw myself as an angel and was curious about the serious and reflective faces of my friends, since there were a few of us. I had spent the entire night in prayer and was in a state that was almost ecstatic. The bishop, an elderly man, looked to me like God the Father, leaning over His Eternity, and I could see Heaven through the ceiling of the church.

You well know the details of that ceremony—the benediction, the communion under both forms, the anointing of the palms of the hands with the Oil of Catechumens, and then the holy sacrifice offered in concert with the bishop.

You already know the details of that ceremony—the blessing, the communion in both forms, the anointing of the palms with the Oil of Catechumens, and then the holy sacrifice offered together with the bishop.

Ah, truly spake Job when he declared that the imprudent man is one who hath not made a covenant with his eyes! I accidentally lifted my head, which until then I had kept down, and beheld before me, so close that it seemed that I could have touched her—although she was actually a considerable distance from me and on the further side of the sanctuary railing—a young woman of extraordinary beauty, and attired with royal magnificence. It seemed as though scales had suddenly fallen from my eyes. I felt like a blind man who unexpectedly recovers his sight. The bishop, so radiantly glorious but an instant before, suddenly vanished away, the tapers paled upon their golden candlesticks like stars in the dawn, and a vast darkness seemed to fill the whole church. The charming creature appeared in bright relief against the background of that darkness, like some angelic revelation. She seemed herself radiant, and radiating light rather than receiving it.

Ah, Job was right when he said that a fool is someone who hasn't made a pact with his eyes! I accidentally looked up, which I had kept down until then, and saw in front of me, so close that it felt like I could reach out and touch her—though she was really quite a distance away on the other side of the sanctuary railing—a young woman of stunning beauty, dressed in royal splendor. It felt like scales had suddenly fallen from my eyes. I felt like a blind man who suddenly regains his sight. The bishop, who had just been so gloriously radiant, suddenly disappeared, the candles dimmed on their golden holders like stars at dawn, and a deep darkness seemed to fill the entire church. The beautiful woman stood out brightly against that dark background, like some angelic vision. She seemed to glow herself, radiating light rather than just reflecting it.

I lowered my eyelids, firmly resolved not to again open them, that I might not be influenced by external objects, for distraction had gradually taken possession of me until I hardly knew what I was doing.

I shut my eyelids, determined not to open them again so I wouldn’t be influenced by outside things, because distractions had slowly taken over me to the point where I barely knew what I was doing.

In another minute, nevertheless, I reopened my eyes, for through my eyelashes I still beheld her, all sparkling with prismatic colours, and surrounded with such a penumbra as one beholds in gazing at the sun.

In another minute, though, I opened my eyes again, because through my eyelashes I could still see her, all sparkling with rainbow colors and surrounded by a glow like what you see when looking at the sun.

Oh, how beautiful she was! The greatest painters, who followed ideal beauty into heaven itself, and thence brought back to earth the true portrait of the Madonna, never in their delineations even approached that wildly beautiful reality which I saw before me. Neither the verses of the poet nor the palette of the artist could convey any conception of her. She was rather tall, with a form and bearing of a goddess. Her hair, of a soft blonde hue, was parted in the midst and flowed back over her temples in two rivers of rippling gold; she seemed a diademed queen. Her forehead, bluish-white in its transparency, extended its calm breadth above the arches of her eyebrows, which by a strange singularity were almost black, and admirably relieved the effect of sea-green eyes of unsustainable vivacity and brilliancy. What eyes! With a single flash they could have decided a man’s destiny. They had a life, a limpidity, an ardour, a humid light which I have never seen in human eyes; they shot forth rays like arrows, which I could distinctly see enter my heart. I know not if the fire which illumined them came from heaven or from hell, but assuredly it came from one or the other. That woman was either an angel or a demon, perhaps both. Assuredly she never sprang from the flank of Eve, our common mother. Teeth of the most lustrous pearl gleamed in her ruddy smile, and at every inflection of her lips little dimples appeared in the satiny rose of her adorable cheeks. There was a delicacy and pride in the regal outline of her nostrils bespeaking noble blood. Agate gleams played over the smooth lustrous skin of her half-bare shoulders, and strings of great blonde pearls—almost equal to her neck in beauty of colour—descended upon her bosom. From time to time she elevated her head with the undulating grace of a startled serpent or peacock, thereby imparting a quivering motion to the high lace ruff which surrounded it like a silver trellis-work.

Oh, how beautiful she was! The greatest painters, who sought ideal beauty in the heavens and brought back the true portrait of the Madonna, never even came close to that wildly beautiful reality I saw before me. Neither the verses of the poet nor the palette of the artist could capture her essence. She was fairly tall, with the form and presence of a goddess. Her hair, a soft blonde, was parted in the middle and flowed back over her temples in two rivers of shimmering gold; she looked like a crowned queen. Her forehead, with a bluish-white transparency, stretched calmly above the arches of her eyebrows, which had an unusual almost-black hue, beautifully contrasting with her sea-green eyes that sparkled with incredible liveliness and brilliance. What eyes! With just one glance, they could change a man's fate. They had a life, a clarity, a passion, a wet light that I’ve never seen in human eyes; they seemed to shoot rays like arrows that I could distinctly see hit my heart. I don’t know whether the fire behind them came from heaven or hell, but it definitely came from one of those places. That woman was either an angel or a demon, maybe even both. She definitely didn’t come from the side of Eve, our common mother. Teeth like the most lustrous pearls gleamed in her radiant smile, and with every curve of her lips, little dimples appeared in the satiny rose of her lovely cheeks. There was a delicacy and pride in the elegant outline of her nostrils that spoke of noble blood. Agate glimmers danced across the smooth, shiny skin of her partially bare shoulders, and strands of large blonde pearls—almost as beautiful in color as her neck—lay upon her chest. From time to time, she lifted her head with the flowing grace of a startled serpent or peacock, sending a quivering motion through the high lace ruff that surrounded her like a silver trellis.

She wore a robe of orange-red velvet, and from her wide ermine-lined sleeves there peeped forth patrician hands of infinite delicacy, and so ideally transparent that, like the fingers of Aurora, they permitted the light to shine through them.

She wore a robe of orange-red velvet, and from her wide ermine-lined sleeves peeked out elegant hands, so delicate and perfectly transparent that, like the fingers of dawn, they let the light shine through them.

All these details I can recollect at this moment as plainly as though they were of yesterday, for notwithstanding I was greatly troubled at the time, nothing escaped me; the faintest touch of shading, the little dark speck at the point of the chin, the imperceptible down at the corners of the lips, the velvety floss upon the brow, the quivering shadows of the eyelashes upon the cheeks—I could notice everything with astonishing lucidity of perception.

All these details I can remember right now as clearly as if they were from yesterday, because even though I was really upset at the time, I didn't miss a thing; the slightest hint of shadow, the tiny dark spot at the tip of the chin, the barely noticeable fuzz at the corners of the lips, the soft fuzz on the forehead, the flickering shadows of the eyelashes on the cheeks—I could see everything with incredible clarity.

And gazing I felt opening within me gates that had until then remained closed; vents long obstructed became all clear, permitting glimpses of unfamiliar perspectives within; life suddenly made itself visible to me under a totally novel aspect. I felt as though I had just been born into a new world and a new order of things. A frightful anguish commenced to torture-my heart as with red-hot pincers. Every successive minute seemed to me at once but a second and yet a century. Meanwhile the ceremony was proceeding, and I shortly found myself transported far from that world of which my newly born desires were furiously besieging the entrance. Nevertheless I answered ‘Yes’ when I wished to say ‘No,’ though all within me protested against the violence done to my soul by my tongue. Some occult power seemed to force the words from my throat against my will. Thus it is, perhaps, that so many young girls walk to the altar firmly resolved to refuse in a startling manner the husband imposed upon them, and that yet not one ever fulfils her intention. Thus it is, doubtless, that so many poor novices take the veil, though they have resolved to tear it into shreds at the moment when called upon to utter the vows. One dares not thus cause so great a scandal to all present, nor deceive the expectation of so many people. All those eyes, all those wills seem to weigh down upon you like a cope of lead, and, moreover, measures have been so well taken, everything has been so thoroughly arranged beforehand and after a fashion so evidently irrevocable, that the will yields to the weight of circumstances and utterly breaks down.

And as I stared, I felt gates opening within me that had been closed until then; long-blocked pathways became clear, allowing me to see unfamiliar perspectives inside. Life suddenly became visible to me in a completely new way. I felt as if I had just been born into a new world and a new order. A terrible anguish began to torment my heart like red-hot pincers. Every passing minute felt both like a second and a century. Meanwhile, the ceremony was going on, and I soon found myself far away from that world that my newly awakened desires were desperately trying to reach. Still, I said 'Yes' when I wanted to say 'No,' even though everything inside me protested against the violence my tongue was inflicting on my soul. Some hidden force seemed to compel the words from my throat against my will. Maybe that's why so many young girls walk down the aisle determined to reject the husband chosen for them, yet none ever follow through on that intention. Perhaps that's why so many poor novices take the veil, even when they plan to tear it to shreds the moment they're asked to take their vows. One doesn’t dare create such a scandal in front of everyone, nor disappoint the hopes of so many people. All those eyes, all those wills seem to press down on you like a heavy cloak, and besides, everything has been arranged so thoroughly and in such an evidently irreversible manner, that your will buckles under the weight of circumstances and completely breaks down.

As the ceremony proceeded the features of the fair unknown changed their expression. Her look had at first been one of caressing tenderness; it changed to an air of disdain and of mortification, as though at not having been able to make itself understood.

As the ceremony went on, the expression of the beautiful stranger shifted. At first, she looked at him with gentle warmth; then her expression turned to one of contempt and embarrassment, as if she were upset for not being able to communicate effectively.

With an effort of will sufficient to have uprooted a mountain, I strove to cry out that I would not be a priest, but I could not speak; my tongue seemed nailed to my palate, and I found it impossible to express my will by the least syllable of negation. Though fully awake, I felt like one under the influence of a nightmare, who vainly strives to shriek out the one word upon which life depends.

With enough willpower to move a mountain, I tried to scream that I wouldn't be a priest, but I couldn't make a sound; my tongue felt stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I couldn’t even say a single word to refuse. Even though I was wide awake, I felt like someone caught in a nightmare, desperately trying to shout the one word that could change everything.

She seemed conscious of the martyrdom I was undergoing, and, as though to encourage me, she gave me a look replete with divinest promise. Her eyes were a poem; their every glance was a song.

She seemed aware of the suffering I was going through, and to encourage me, she gave me a look full of the greatest promise. Her eyes were like poetry; every glance was like a song.

She said to me:

She told me:

‘If thou wilt be mine, I shall make thee happier than God Himself in His paradise. The angels themselves will be jealous of thee. Tear off that funeral shroud in which thou art about to wrap thyself. I am Beauty, I am Youth, I am Life. Come to me! Together we shall be Love. Can Jehovah offer thee aught in exchange? Our lives will flow on like a dream, in one eternal kiss.

‘If you’ll be mine, I’ll make you happier than God Himself in His paradise. The angels will be jealous of you. Tear off that funeral shroud you’re about to wrap yourself in. I am Beauty, I am Youth, I am Life. Come to me! Together we will be Love. Can Jehovah offer you anything in return? Our lives will flow on like a dream, in one eternal kiss.

‘Fling forth the wine of that chalice, and thou art free. I will conduct thee to the Unknown Isles. Thou shalt sleep in my bosom upon a bed of massy gold under a silver pavilion, for I love thee and would take thee away from thy God, before whom so many noble hearts pour forth floods of love which never reach even the steps of His throne!’

‘Pour out the wine from that cup, and you are free. I will take you to the Unknown Isles. You'll rest in my arms on a bed of solid gold, beneath a silver tent, because I love you and want to take you away from your God, for whom so many noble hearts pour out endless love that never even reaches the steps of His throne!’

These words seemed to float to my ears in a rhythm of infinite sweetness, for her look was actually sonorous, and the utterances of her eyes were reechoed in the depths of my heart as though living lips had breathed them into my life. I felt myself willing to renounce God, and yet my tongue mechanically fulfilled all the formalities of the ceremony. The fair one gave me another look, so beseeching, so despairing that keen blades seemed to pierce my heart, and I felt my bosom transfixed by more swords than those of Our Lady of Sorrows.

These words floated to my ears with an endless sweetness, because her gaze was truly melodic, and the expressions in her eyes echoed deep in my heart as if living lips had whispered them into my life. I felt ready to renounce God, but my tongue continued to mindlessly perform all the formalities of the ceremony. The beautiful woman cast another look at me, so pleading and so hopeless that it felt like sharp blades were stabbing my heart, and I felt my chest pierced by more swords than those of Our Lady of Sorrows.

All was consummated; I had become a priest.

All was complete; I had become a priest.

Never was deeper anguish painted on human face than upon hers. The maiden who beholds her affianced lover suddenly fall dead at her side, the mother bending over the empty cradle of her child, Eve seated at the threshold of the gate of Paradise, the miser who finds a stone substituted for his stolen treasure, the poet who accidentally permits the only manuscript of his finest work to fall into the fire, could not wear a look so despairing, so inconsolable. All the blood had abandoned her charming face, leaving it whiter than marble; her beautiful arms hung lifelessly on either side of her body as though their muscles had suddenly relaxed, and she sought the support of a pillar, for her yielding limbs almost betrayed her. As for myself, I staggered toward the door of the church, livid as death, my forehead bathed with a sweat bloodier than that of Calvary; I felt as though I were being strangled; the vault seemed to have flattened down upon my shoulders, and it seemed to me that my head alone sustained the whole weight of the dome.

Never was there more deep sorrow on a human face than on hers. The young woman who watches her fiancé suddenly drop dead at her side, the mother leaning over the empty crib of her child, Eve sitting at the entrance of Paradise, the miser who finds a stone where his stolen treasure once was, the poet who accidentally lets the only copy of his best work fall into the fire, could not look so hopeless, so heartbroken. All the color had drained from her beautiful face, leaving it whiter than marble; her lovely arms hung lifeless at her sides as if all their strength had vanished, and she leaned against a pillar for support, her weak limbs nearly giving out on her. As for me, I staggered toward the church door, pale as death, my forehead soaked with a sweat thicker than that of Calvary; I felt like I was being choked; the vault seemed to press down on my shoulders, and it felt as if my head alone was carrying the entire weight of the dome.

As I was about to cross the threshold a hand suddenly caught mine—a woman’s hand! I had never till then touched the hand of any woman. It was cold as a serpent’s skin, and yet its impress remained upon my wrist, burnt there as though branded by a glowing iron. It was she. ‘Unhappy man! Unhappy man! What hast thou done?’ she exclaimed in a low voice, and immediately disappeared in the crowd.

As I was about to step through the door, a hand suddenly grabbed mine—a woman’s hand! Until that moment, I had never touched a woman’s hand before. It was as cold as a snake’s skin, yet the feeling lingered on my wrist, etched there like a brand from a hot iron. It was her. “Unfortunate man! Unfortunate man! What have you done?” she said in a quiet voice, and then she vanished into the crowd.

The aged bishop passed by. He cast a severe and scrutinising look upon me. My face presented the wildest aspect imaginable: I blushed and turned pale alternately; dazzling lights flashed before my eyes. A companion took pity on me. He seized my arm and led me out. I could not possibly have found my way back to the seminary unassisted. At the corner of a street, while the young priest’s attention was momentarily turned in another direction, a negro page, fantastically garbed, approached me, and without pausing on his way slipped into my hand a little pocket-book with gold-embroidered corners, at the same time giving me a sign to hide it. I concealed it in my sleeve, and there kept it until I found myself alone in my cell. Then I opened the clasp. There were only two leaves within, bearing the words, ‘Clarimonde. At the Concini Palace.’ So little acquainted was I at that time with the things of this world that I had never heard of Clarimonde, celebrated as she was, and I had no idea as to where the Concini Palace was situated. I hazarded a thousand conjectures, each more extravagant than the last; but, in truth, I cared little whether she were a great lady or a courtesan, so that I could but see her once more.

The old bishop walked by. He gave me a harsh, critical look. My face must have looked completely wild: I blushed and paled in turns; bright lights flickered in front of my eyes. A friend noticed and helped me out. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to find my way back to the seminary on my own. At the corner of a street, while the young priest was briefly distracted, a flamboyantly dressed young black servant approached me and quickly slipped a little pocketbook with gold-embroidered corners into my hand, signaling me to hide it. I tucked it into my sleeve and kept it there until I was alone in my cell. Then I opened it. Inside were just two pages, which said, ‘Clarimonde. At the Concini Palace.’ I was so unfamiliar with the world at that time that I had never heard of Clarimonde, even though she was famous, and I had no clue where the Concini Palace was. I came up with a thousand wild guesses, each more outrageous than the last; but honestly, I didn’t care if she was a high-class lady or a courtesan, as long as I could see her once more.

My love, although the growth of a single hour, had taken imperishable root. I did not even dream of attempting to tear it up, so fully was I convinced such a thing would be impossible. That woman had completely taken possession of me. One look from her had sufficed to change my very nature. She had breathed her will into my life, and I no longer lived in myself, but in her and for her. I gave myself up to a thousand extravagancies. I kissed the place upon my hand which she had touched, and I repeated her name over and over again for hours in succession. I only needed to close my eyes in order to see her distinctly as though she were actually present; and I reiterated to myself the words she had uttered in my ear at the church porch: ‘Unhappy man! Unhappy man! What hast thou done?’ I comprehended at last the full horror of my situation, and the funereal and awful restraints of the state into which I had just entered became clearly revealed to me. To be a priest!—that is, to be chaste, to never love, to observe no distinction of sex or age, to turn from the sight of all beauty, to put out one’s own eyes, to hide for ever crouching in the chill shadows of some church or cloister, to visit none but the dying, to watch by unknown corpses, and ever bear about with one the black soutane as a garb of mourning for oneself, so that your very dress might serve as a pall for your coffin.

My love, even though it only grew over a single hour, had taken a lasting hold. I didn’t even think about trying to uproot it, so convinced was I that it would be impossible. That woman had completely taken over my being. One glance from her was enough to change my very essence. She had infused her will into my life, and I no longer lived for myself, but for her and with her. I surrendered to countless excesses. I kissed the spot on my hand where she had touched me, and I repeated her name again and again for hours. All I had to do was close my eyes to see her clearly as if she were right in front of me; and I replayed the words she whispered in my ear at the church entrance: ‘Unhappy man! Unhappy man! What have you done?’ I finally grasped the full terror of my situation, and the grim and dreadful constraints of the state I had just entered became painfully clear. To be a priest!—that is, to be chaste, to never love, to ignore all distinctions of gender or age, to turn away from all beauty, to blind oneself, to hide away forever in the cold shadows of some church or cloister, to associate only with the dying, to stand vigil over unfamiliar corpses, and to always carry the black cassock as a mourning garment for oneself, so that your very clothing could serve as a shroud for your coffin.

And I felt life rising within me like a subterranean lake, expanding and overflowing; my blood leaped fiercely through my arteries; my long-restrained youth suddenly burst into active being, like the aloe which blooms but once in a hundred years, and then bursts into blossom with a clap of thunder.

And I felt life surging inside me like an underground lake, expanding and overflowing; my blood raced fiercely through my veins; my long-held youth suddenly erupted into vibrant existence, like the aloe that blooms only once every hundred years and then bursts into flower with a loud bang.

What could I do in order to see Clarimonde once more? I had no pretext to offer for desiring to leave the seminary, not knowing any person in the city. I would not even be able to remain there but a short time, and was only waiting my assignment to the curacy which I must thereafter occupy. I tried to remove the bars of the window; but it was at a fearful height from the ground, and I found that as I had no ladder it would be useless to think of escaping thus. And, furthermore, I could descend thence only by night in any event, and afterward how should I be able to find my way through the inextricable labyrinth of streets? All these difficulties, which to many would have appeared altogether insignificant, were gigantic to me, a poor seminarist who had fallen in love only the day before for the first time, without experience, without money, without attire.

What could I do to see Clarimonde again? I had no excuse to give for wanting to leave the seminary, since I didn't know anyone in the city. I wouldn’t even be able to stay there long and was just waiting for my assignment to the parish I would have to serve. I tried to take off the bars from the window, but it was too high off the ground, and without a ladder, I realized it would be pointless to think about escaping that way. Plus, I could only get down at night anyway, and then how would I find my way through the confusing maze of streets? All these challenges, which might have seemed trivial to others, felt enormous to me, a poor seminarist who had just fallen in love for the first time the day before, with no experience, no money, and no proper clothes.

‘Ah!’ cried I to myself in my blindness, ‘were I not a priest I could have seen her every day; I might have been her lover, her spouse. Instead of being wrapped in this dismal shroud of mine I would have had garments of silk and velvet, golden chains, a sword, and fair plumes like other handsome young cavaliers. My hair, instead of being dishonoured by the tonsure, would flow down upon my neck in waving curls; I would have a fine waxed moustache; I would be a gallant.’ But one hour passed before an altar, a few hastily articulated words, had for ever cut me off from the number of the living, and I had myself sealed down the stone of my own tomb; I had with my own hand bolted the gate of my prison! I went to the window. The sky was beautifully blue; the trees had donned their spring robes; nature seemed to be making parade of an ironical joy. The Place was filled with people, some going, others coming; young beaux and young beauties were sauntering in couples toward the groves and gardens; merry youths passed by, cheerily trolling refrains of drinking-songs—it was all a picture of vivacity, life, animation, gaiety, which formed a bitter contrast with my mourning and my solitude. On the steps of the gate sat a young mother playing with her child. She kissed its little rosy mouth still impearled with drops of milk, and performed, in order to amuse it, a thousand divine little puerilities such as only mothers know how to invent. The father standing at a little distance smiled gently upon the charming group, and with folded arms seemed to hug his joy to his heart. I could not endure that spectacle. I closed the window with violence, and flung myself on my bed, my heart filled with frightful hate and jealousy, and gnawed my fingers and my bedcovers like a tiger that has passed ten days without food.

‘Ah!’ I exclaimed to myself in my blindness, ‘if I weren’t a priest, I could have seen her every day; I might have been her lover, her husband. Instead of being wrapped in this gloomy shroud, I would wear silk and velvet clothing, golden chains, a sword, and beautiful feathers like other handsome young men. My hair, instead of being shamed by the tonsure, would flow down my neck in wavy curls; I would have a nice waxed mustache; I would be a charming guy.’ But just one hour before an altar, a few quickly spoken words had forever cut me off from the living, and I had sealed the stone of my own tomb; I had bolted the gate of my prison with my own hand! I went to the window. The sky was a beautiful blue; the trees had put on their spring outfits; nature seemed to flaunt an ironic joy. The Place was filled with people, some going, others coming; young men and women were strolling in pairs toward the groves and gardens; cheerful youths passed by, happily singing drinking songs—it was all a vibrant scene of life and gaiety that sharply contrasted with my mourning and solitude. On the steps of the gate sat a young mother playing with her child. She kissed its little rosy mouth, still dotted with drops of milk, and entertained it with a thousand charming little antics only mothers know how to create. The father stood a little distance away, gently smiling at the delightful scene, arms crossed, seeming to savor his joy. I couldn’t bear to watch that sight. I slammed the window shut and threw myself onto my bed, my heart filled with terrible hate and jealousy, gnawing my fingers and bedcovers like a tiger that hasn’t eaten for ten days.

I know not how long I remained in this condition, but at last, while writhing on the bed in a fit of spasmodic fury, I suddenly perceived the Abbé Sérapion, who was standing erect in the centre of the room, watching me attentively. Filled with shame of myself, I let my head fall upon my breast and covered my face with my hands.

I don’t know how long I stayed in this state, but finally, while struggling on the bed in a fit of intense anger, I suddenly noticed Abbé Sérapion standing upright in the middle of the room, watching me closely. Overcome with shame, I lowered my head onto my chest and covered my face with my hands.

‘Romuald, my friend, something very extraordinary is transpiring within you,’ observed Sérapion, after a few moments’ silence; ‘your conduct is altogether inexplicable. You—always so quiet, so pious, so gentle—you to rage in your cell like a wild beast! Take heed, brother—do not listen to the suggestions of the devil The Evil Spirit, furious that you have consecrated yourself for ever to the Lord, is prowling around you like a ravening wolf and making a last effort to obtain possession of you. Instead of allowing yourself to be conquered, my dear Romuald, make to yourself a cuirass of prayers, a buckler of mortifications, and combat the enemy like a valiant man; you will then assuredly overcome him. Virtue must be proved by temptation, and gold comes forth purer from the hands of the assayer. Fear not. Never allow yourself to become discouraged. The most watchful and steadfast souls are at moments liable to such temptation. Pray, fast, meditate, and the Evil Spirit will depart from you.’

‘Romuald, my friend, something incredible is happening inside you,’ Sérapion said after a brief silence. ‘Your behavior is completely inexplicable. You—always so calm, so devout, so gentle—are now raging in your cell like a wild animal! Be careful, brother—don't listen to the devil's suggestions. The Evil Spirit, furious that you have dedicated yourself to the Lord, is lurking around you like a ravenous wolf and making one last attempt to take control of you. Instead of letting yourself be defeated, my dear Romuald, arm yourself with prayers, create a shield of self-discipline, and fight back like a brave warrior; you will surely overcome him. Virtue must be tested by temptation, and gold is refined through fire. Don’t be afraid. Never let yourself get discouraged. Even the most vigilant and steadfast souls can face such temptation. Pray, fast, meditate, and the Evil Spirit will leave you.’

The words of the Abbé Sérapion restored me to myself, and I became a little more calm. ‘I came,’ he continued, ‘to tell you that you have been appointed to the curacy of C———. The priest who had charge of it has just died, and Monseigneur the Bishop has ordered me to have you installed there at once. Be ready, therefore, to start to-morrow.’ I responded with an inclination of the head, and the Abbé retired. I opened my missal and commenced reading some prayers, but the letters became confused and blurred under my eyes, the thread of the ideas entangled itself hopelessly in my brain, and the volume at last fell from my hands without my being aware of it.

The words of Abbé Sérapion brought me back to myself, and I felt a bit calmer. “I came,” he continued, “to let you know that you’ve been assigned to the curacy of C———. The priest in charge just died, and the Bishop has instructed me to have you installed there immediately. So, be ready to leave tomorrow.” I nodded in response, and Abbé Sérapion left. I opened my missal and started reading some prayers, but the letters started to blur and swim in front of my eyes, my thoughts got hopelessly tangled, and the book eventually slipped from my hands without me realizing it.

To leave to-morrow without having been able to see her again, to add yet another barrier to the many already interposed between us, to lose for ever all hope of being able to meet her, except, indeed, through a miracle! Even to write to her, alas! would be impossible, for by whom could I dispatch my letter? With my sacred character of priest, to whom could I dare unbosom myself, in whom could I confide? I became a prey to the bitterest anxiety.

To leave tomorrow without having seen her again, to put up yet another wall between us, to lose all hope of meeting her again, except by some miracle! Even writing to her, unfortunately, would be impossible because who could I send my letter with? With my sacred role as a priest, to whom could I dare to open up, who could I trust? I was overwhelmed by the deepest anxiety.

Then suddenly recurred to me the words of the Abbé Sérapion regarding the artifices of the devil; and the strange character of the adventure, the supernatural beauty of Clarimonde, the phosphoric light of her eyes, the burning imprint of her hand, the agony into which she had thrown me, the sudden change wrought within me when all my piety vanished in a single instant—these and other things clearly testified to the work of the Evil One, and perhaps that satiny hand was but the glove which concealed his claws. Filled with terror at these fancies, I again picked up the missal which had slipped from my knees and fallen upon the floor, and once more gave myself up to prayer.

Then suddenly, the words of Abbé Sérapion about the tricks of the devil came back to me; and the strange nature of the adventure, the otherworldly beauty of Clarimonde, the glowing light of her eyes, the burning mark of her hand, the anguish she had caused me, the sudden shift in me when all my devotion disappeared in an instant—these and other aspects clearly pointed to the work of the Evil One, and maybe that silky hand was just the glove hiding his claws. Filled with dread from these thoughts, I picked up the missal that had slipped from my knees and fallen to the floor, and once again devoted myself to prayer.

Next morning Sérapion came to take me away. Two mules freighted with our miserable valises awaited us at the gate. He mounted one, and I the other as well as I knew how.

Next morning, Sérapion came to pick me up. Two mules loaded with our shabby suitcases were waiting for us at the gate. He got on one, and I got on the other as best as I could.

As we passed along the streets of the city, I gazed attentively at all the windows and balconies in the hope of seeing Clarimonde, but it was yet early in the morning, and the city had hardly opened its eyes. Mine sought to penetrate the blinds and window-curtains of all the palaces before which we were passing. Sérapion doubtless attributed this curiosity to my admiration of the architecture, for he slackened the pace of his animal in order to give me time to look around me. At last we passed the city gates and commenced to mount the hill beyond. When we arrived at its summit I turned to take a last look at the place where Clarimonde dwelt. The shadow of a great cloud hung over all the city; the contrasting colours of its blue and red roofs were lost in the uniform half-tint, through which here and there floated upward, like white flakes of foam, the smoke of freshly kindled fires. By a singular optical effect one edifice, which surpassed in height all the neighbouring buildings that were still dimly veiled by the vapours, towered up, fair and lustrous with the gilding of a solitary beam of sunlight—although actually more than a league away it seemed quite near. The smallest details of its architecture were plainly distinguishable—the turrets, the platforms, the window-casements, and even the swallow-tailed weather-vanes.

As we walked through the city streets, I carefully scanned all the windows and balconies, hoping to catch a glimpse of Clarimonde. But it was still early in the morning, and the city was just starting to wake up. My eyes tried to see through the blinds and curtains of the palaces we were passing. Sérapion probably thought my curiosity was due to my appreciation for the architecture, so he slowed his animal down to give me more time to look around. Finally, we passed through the city gates and began to ascend the hill ahead. When we reached the top, I turned for one last look at the place where Clarimonde lived. A large cloud shadow loomed over the entire city; the blue and red roofs lost their distinctive colors in the uniform gray light, punctuated by wisps of smoke rising like white flakes of foam from freshly lit fires. Through a unique optical effect, one building, the tallest among the surrounding structures still shrouded in mist, stood out, shining with the gilding of a single beam of sunlight—despite being over a mile away, it appeared quite close. I could clearly see the smallest details of its architecture—the turrets, platforms, window frames, and even the swallow-tailed weathervanes.

‘What is that palace I see over there, all lighted up by the sun?’ I asked Sérapion. He shaded his eyes with his hand, and having looked in the direction indicated, replied: ‘It is the ancient palace which the Prince Concini has given to the courtesan Clarimonde. Awful things are done there!’

‘What’s that palace I see over there, all lit up by the sun?’ I asked Sérapion. He shaded his eyes with his hand and, after looking in the direction I pointed, replied: ‘It’s the old palace that Prince Concini gave to the courtesan Clarimonde. Terrible things happen there!’

At that instant, I know not yet whether it was a reality or an illusion, I fancied I saw gliding along the terrace a shapely white figure, which gleamed for a moment in passing and as quickly vanished. It was Clarimonde.

At that moment, I still couldn't tell if it was real or just a trick of the light. I thought I saw a graceful white figure moving along the terrace, shining for an instant before vanishing just as quickly. It was Clarimonde.

Oh, did she know that at that very hour, all feverish and restless—from the height of the rugged road which separated me from her, and which, alas! I could never more descend—I was directing my eyes upon the palace where she dwelt, and which a mocking beam of sunlight seemed to bring nigh to me, as though inviting me to enter therein as its lord? Undoubtedly she must have known it, for her soul was too sympathetically united with mine not to have felt its least emotional thrill, and that subtle sympathy it must have been which prompted her to climb—although clad only in her nightdress—to the summit of the terrace, amid the icy dews of the morning.

Oh, did she know that at that very moment, all anxious and restless—from the steep road that separated me from her, and which, sadly, I could never descend again—I was looking at the palace where she lived, and a teasing beam of sunlight seemed to draw it closer to me, almost inviting me to enter as its master? She must have known, because her soul was too deeply connected with mine not to have felt even the slightest emotional stir, and it must have been that subtle connection that made her climb—though only in her nightgown—to the top of the terrace, amid the chilly morning dew.

The shadow gained the palace, and the scene became to the eye only a motionless ocean of roofs and gables, amid which one mountainous undulation was distinctly visible. Sérapion urged his mule forward, my own at once followed at the same gait, and a sharp angle in the road at last hid the city of S——— for ever from my eyes, as I was destined never to return thither. At the close of a weary three-days’ journey through dismal country fields, we caught sight of the cock upon the steeple of the church which I was to take charge of, peeping above the trees, and after having followed some winding roads fringed with thatched cottages and little gardens, we found ourselves in front of the façade, which certainly possessed few features of magnificence. A porch ornamented with some mouldings, and two or three pillars rudely hewn from sandstone; a tiled roof with counterforts of the same sandstone as the pillars—that was all. To the left lay the cemetery, overgrown with high weeds, and having a great iron cross rising up in its centre; to the right stood the presbytery under the shadow of the church. It was a house of the most extreme simplicity and frigid cleanliness. We entered the enclosure. A few chickens were picking up some oats scattered upon the ground; accustomed, seemingly, to the black habit of ecclesiastics, they showed no fear of our presence and scarcely troubled themselves to get out of our way. A hoarse, wheezy barking fell upon our ears, and we saw an aged dog running toward us.

The shadow enveloped the palace, turning the scene into a still ocean of roofs and gables, with one prominent hill clearly visible. Sérapion pushed his mule forward, and mine followed suit at the same pace. A sharp turn in the road finally concealed the city of S——— from my view, as I was not meant to return there. After a grueling three-day journey through bleak countryside, we finally spotted the rooster atop the church steeple I was supposed to manage, peeking above the trees. After navigating some winding roads lined with thatched cottages and small gardens, we arrived in front of the building, which certainly lacked any grandeur. There was a porch decorated with some moldings, and two or three pillars roughly carved from sandstone; a tiled roof supported by the same sandstone pillars—that was about it. To the left was the cemetery, overgrown with tall weeds and featuring a large iron cross at its center; to the right stood the presbytery, shaded by the church. It was a house of the utmost simplicity and stark cleanliness. We entered the enclosure. A few chickens were foraging for oats scattered on the ground; seemingly accustomed to the dark robes of clergy, they showed no fear of us and hardly bothered to move aside. Suddenly, we heard a hoarse, wheezy bark, and saw an old dog running towards us.

It was my predecessor’s dog. He had dull bleared eyes, grizzled hair, and every mark of the greatest age to which a dog can possibly attain. I patted him gently, and he proceeded at once to march along beside me with an air of satisfaction unspeakable. A very old woman, who had been the housekeeper of the former curé, also came to meet us, and after having invited me into a little back parlour, asked whether I intended to retain her. I replied that I would take care of her, and the dog, and the chickens, and all the furniture her master had bequeathed her at his death. At this she became fairly transported with joy, and the Abbé Sérapion at once paid her the price which she asked for her little property.

It was my predecessor’s dog. He had dull, cloudy eyes, grizzled fur, and every sign of extreme old age that a dog can possibly reach. I gently patted him, and he immediately walked alongside me with an indescribable sense of satisfaction. A very old woman, who had been the housekeeper of the previous curé, also came to greet us. After inviting me into a small back parlor, she asked if I planned to keep her on. I responded that I would take care of her, the dog, the chickens, and all the furniture her master had left her when he passed away. Hearing this, she was overjoyed, and Abbé Sérapion promptly gave her the amount she requested for her little property.

As soon as my installation was over, the Abbé Sérapion returned to the seminary. I was, therefore, left alone, with no one but myself to look to for aid or counsel. The thought of Clarimonde again began to haunt me, and in spite of all my endeavours to banish it, I always found it present in my meditations. One evening, while promenading in my little garden along the walks bordered with box-plants, I fancied that I saw through the elm-trees the figure of a woman, who followed my every movement, and that I beheld two sea-green eyes gleaming through the foliage; but it was only an illusion, and on going round to the other side of the garden, I could find nothing except a footprint on the sanded walk—a footprint so small that it seemed to have been made by the foot of a child. The garden was enclosed by very high walls. I searched every nook and corner of it, but could discover no one there. I have never succeeded in fully accounting for this circumstance, which, after all, was nothing compared with the strange things which happened to me afterward.

As soon as my installation was over, Abbé Sérapion returned to the seminary. I was then left alone, with no one but myself to seek help or advice. The thought of Clarimonde began to haunt me again, and despite all my efforts to push it away, I always found it creeping back during my reflections. One evening, while walking in my little garden along the paths lined with boxwood, I thought I saw through the elm trees the figure of a woman following my every move, and I seemed to catch a glimpse of two sea-green eyes shining through the leaves; but it was just an illusion. When I walked around to the other side of the garden, I found nothing but a footprint on the sandy path—a footprint so small that it looked like it belonged to a child. The garden was surrounded by very high walls. I searched every nook and cranny, but I couldn't find anyone there. I’ve never really figured out this situation, which was nothing compared to the odd things that happened to me later.

For a whole year I lived thus, filling all the duties of my calling with the most scrupulous exactitude, praying and fasting, exhorting and lending ghostly aid to the sick, and bestowing alms even to the extent of frequently depriving myself of the very necessaries of life. But I felt a great aridness within me, and the sources of grace seemed closed against me. I never found that happiness which should spring from the fulfilment of a holy mission; my thoughts were far away, and the words of Clarimonde were ever upon my lips like an involuntary refrain. Oh, brother, meditate well on this! Through having but once lifted my eyes to look upon a woman, through one fault apparently so venial, I have for years remained a victim to the most miserable agonies, and the happiness of my life has been destroyed for ever.

For a whole year, I lived like this, carrying out all the responsibilities of my calling with the utmost care, praying and fasting, encouraging the sick, and giving to charity even to the point of often depriving myself of basic necessities. But I felt a deep emptiness inside, and the sources of grace seemed closed off from me. I never found that happiness that should come from fulfilling a holy mission; my thoughts were far away, and the words of Clarimonde were always on my lips like an involuntary refrain. Oh, brother, think carefully about this! By simply lifting my eyes to look at a woman just once, through what seemed like a minor fault, I have been a victim of the most miserable agonies for years, and the happiness of my life has been lost forever.

I will not longer dwell upon those defeats, or on those inward victories invariably followed by yet more terrible falls, but will at once proceed to the facts of my story. One night my door-bell was long and violently rung. The aged housekeeper arose and opened to the stranger, and the figure of a man, whose complexion was deeply bronzed, and who was richly clad in a foreign costume, with a poniard at his girdle, appeared under the rays of Barbara’s lantern. Her first impulse was one of terror, but the stranger reassured her, and stated that he desired to see me at once on matters relating to my holy calling. Barbara invited him upstairs, where I was on the point of retiring. The stranger told me that his mistress, a very noble lady, was lying at the point of death, and desired to see a priest. I replied that I was prepared to follow him, took with me the sacred articles necessary for extreme unction, and descended in all haste. Two horses black as the night itself stood without the gate, pawing the ground with impatience, and veiling their chests with long streams of smoky vapour exhaled from their nostrils. He held the stirrup and aided me to mount upon one; then, merely laying his hand upon the pommel of the saddle, he vaulted on the other, pressed the animal’s sides with his knees, and loosened rein. The horse bounded forward with the velocity of an arrow. Mine, of which the stranger held the bridle, also started off at a swift gallop, keeping up with his companion. We devoured the road. The ground flowed backward beneath us in a long streaked line of pale gray, and the black silhouettes of the trees seemed fleeing by us on either side like an army in rout. We passed through a forest so profoundly gloomy that I felt my flesh creep in the chill darkness with superstitious fear. The showers of bright sparks which flew from the stony road under the ironshod feet of our horses remained glowing in our wake like a fiery trail; and had any one at that hour of the night beheld us both—my guide and myself—he must have taken us for two spectres riding upon nightmares. Witch-fires ever and anon flitted across the road before us, and the night-birds shrieked fearsomely in the depth of the woods beyond, where we beheld at intervals glow the phosphorescent eyes of wild cats. The manes of the horses became more and more dishevelled, the sweat streamed over their flanks, and their breath came through their nostrils hard and fast. But when he found them slacking pace, the guide reanimated them by uttering a strange, gutteral, unearthly cry, and the gallop recommenced with fury. At last the whirlwind race ceased; a huge black mass pierced through with many bright points of light suddenly rose before us, the hoofs of our horses echoed louder upon a strong wooden drawbridge, and we rode under a great vaulted archway which darkly yawned between two enormous towers. Some great excitement evidently reigned in the castle. Servants with torches were crossing the courtyard in every direction, and above lights were ascending and descending from landing to landing. I obtained a confused glimpse of vast masses of architecture—columns, arcades, flights of steps, stairways—a royal voluptuousness and elfin magnificence of construction worthy of fairyland. A negro page—the same who had before brought me the tablet from Clarimonde, and whom I instantly recognised—approached to aid me in dismounting, and the major-domo, attired in black velvet with a gold chain about his neck, advanced to meet me, supporting himself upon an ivory cane. Large tears were falling from his eyes and streaming over his cheeks and white beard. ‘Too late!’ he cried, sorrowfully shaking his venerable head. ‘Too late, sir priest! But if you have not been able to save the soul, come at least to watch by the poor body.’

I won’t dwell on those defeats or the internal victories that were always followed by even worse falls, but I'll get straight to the story. One night, my doorbell rang loudly and violently. The elderly housekeeper got up and opened the door to the stranger, revealing a deeply bronzed man dressed in an elaborate foreign outfit, with a dagger at his waist, standing under the light of Barbara’s lantern. Her first reaction was fear, but the stranger reassured her and said he needed to see me immediately about something related to my priestly duties. Barbara invited him upstairs, where I was getting ready to turn in. The stranger told me that his mistress, a very noble lady, was dying and wanted to see a priest. I said I was ready to follow him, grabbed the holy items needed for the last rites, and hurried downstairs. Two horses as black as the night were waiting outside, pawing the ground impatiently, their chests veiled in long streams of smoky vapor exhaled from their nostrils. He held the stirrup and helped me get on one; then, just placing his hand on the saddle, he jumped onto the other, pressed the horse with his knees, and loosened the reins. The horse launched forward like an arrow. Mine, which the stranger held the bridle of, also took off at a fast gallop, keeping pace with his horse. We flew down the road. The ground disappeared behind us in a long streak of light gray, and the black shapes of the trees seemed to be fleeing past us like a defeated army. We passed through a forest so dark and gloomy that I felt a chill of fear running through me. The bright sparks that flew from the rocky road under the horses’ hooves glowed in our wake like a trail of fire. If anyone had seen us that night—my guide and me—they would have thought we were two ghosts riding nightmares. Witch lights flickered across the road in front of us, and nighttime birds shrieked hauntingly from the depths of the woods, where we caught glimpses of phosphorescent wildcat eyes. The horses' manes became increasingly tangled, sweat poured down their sides, and their breathing grew fast and hard. But when he noticed they were slowing down, the guide encouraged them with a strange, guttural, otherworldly shout, and the gallop resumed with fierce energy. Finally, our wild ride ended; a massive black structure filled with bright points of light suddenly rose in front of us. The sound of our horses’ hooves increased on a sturdy wooden drawbridge, and we rode under a large vaulted archway that opened darkly between two enormous towers. There was clearly a lot of excitement in the castle. Servants with torches rushed across the courtyard, and lights were going up and down from one landing to another. I caught a blurry glimpse of vast architectural masses—columns, arcades, staircases—a royal grandeur and magical beauty worthy of fairy tales. A young black page—the same one who had previously brought me the tablet from Clarimonde, who I recognized immediately—came to help me dismount, while the major-domo, dressed in black velvet with a gold chain around his neck, approached to meet me, leaning on an ivory cane. Tears streamed from his eyes and ran down his cheeks and white beard. “Too late!” he said, shaking his elderly head sadly. “Too late, sir priest! But if you couldn't save her soul, at least come to keep watch over the poor body.”

He took my arm and conducted me to the death-chamber. I wept not less bitterly than he, for I had learned that the dead one was none other than that Clarimonde whom I had so deeply and so wildly loved. A prie-dieu stood at the foot of the bed; a bluish flame flickering in a bronze patern filled all the room with a wan, deceptive light, here and there bringing out in the darkness at intervals some projection of furniture or cornice. In a chiselled urn upon the table there was a faded white rose, whose leaves—excepting one that still held—had all fallen, like odorous tears, to the foot of the vase. A broken black mask, a fan, and disguises of every variety, which were lying on the armchairs, bore witness that death had entered suddenly and unannounced into that sumptuous dwelling. Without daring to cast my eyes upon the bed, I knelt down and commenced to repeat the Psalms for the Dead, with exceeding fervour, thanking God that He had placed the tomb between me and the memory of this woman, so that I might thereafter be able to utter her name in my prayers as a name for ever sanctified by death. But my fervour gradually weakened, and I fell insensibly into a reverie. That chamber bore no semblance to a chamber of death. In lieu of the fetid and cadaverous odours which I had been accustomed to breathe during such funereal vigils, a languorous vapour of Oriental perfume—I know not what amorous odour of woman—softly floated through the tepid air. That pale light seemed rather a twilight gloom contrived for voluptuous pleasure, than a substitute for the yellow-flickering watch-tapers which shine by the side of corpses. I thought upon the strange destiny which enabled me to meet Clarimonde again at the very moment when she was lost to me for ever, and a sigh of regretful anguish escaped from my breast. Then it seemed to me that some one behind me had also sighed, and I turned round to look. It was only an echo. But in that moment my eyes fell upon the bed of death which they had till then avoided. The red damask curtains, decorated with large flowers worked in embroidery and looped up with gold bullion, permitted me to behold the fair dead, lying at full length, with hands joined upon her bosom. She was covered with a linen wrapping of dazzling whiteness, which formed a strong contrast with the gloomy purple of the hangings, and was of so fine a texture that it concealed nothing of her body’s charming form, and allowed the eye to follow those beautiful outlines—undulating like the neck of a swan—which even death had not robbed of their supple grace. She seemed an alabaster statue executed by some skilful sculptor to place upon the tomb of a queen, or rather, perhaps, like a slumbering maiden over whom the silent snow had woven a spotless veil.

He took my arm and led me to the death chamber. I wept just as bitterly as he did, for I had found out that the deceased was none other than Clarimonde, whom I had loved so deeply and passionately. A prie-dieu was at the foot of the bed; a bluish flame flickered in a bronze lamp, filling the room with a pale, deceptive light, revealing bits of furniture and molding in the darkness. In a carved urn on the table, there was a wilted white rose, whose petals—except for one that still clung on—had all fallen like fragrant tears to the base of the vase. A broken black mask, a fan, and all sorts of disguises lay on the armchairs, proof that death had arrived suddenly and unexpectedly in that luxurious home. Without daring to look at the bed, I knelt down and began to recite the Psalms for the Dead with great fervor, thanking God that He had placed a tomb between me and the memory of this woman, so I could forever mention her name in my prayers as one sanctified by death. But my fervor gradually faded, and I unknowingly slipped into a reverie. That room bore no resemblance to a place of death. Instead of the foul and decaying odors I was used to during such funerals, a soft, languorous scent of exotic perfume—a lovely fragrance of a woman—gently wafted through the warm air. That pale light seemed more like a twilight glow designed for pleasure than a substitute for the flickering candles that shone beside corpses. I reflected on the strange fate that allowed me to see Clarimonde again just as she was lost to me forever, and a sigh of regret escaped from my chest. Then it seemed like someone behind me had sighed as well, so I turned to look. It was just an echo. But in that moment, my eyes fell upon the deathbed that I had avoided until then. The red damask curtains, adorned with large embroidered flowers and looped up with gold thread, revealed the beautiful dead woman, lying fully stretched out with her hands clasped on her chest. She was covered with a dazzling white linen cloth that sharply contrasted with the dark purple hangings, and its fine texture hid nothing of her lovely form, allowing the eye to follow those beautiful curves—undulating like a swan's neck—which even death had not stripped of their graceful elegance. She looked like an alabaster statue crafted by a skilled artist for the tomb of a queen, or maybe more like a sleeping maiden over whom the silent snow had draped a pristine veil.

I could no longer maintain my constrained attitude of prayer. The air of the alcove intoxicated me, that febrile perfume of half-faded roses penetrated my very brain, and I commenced to pace restlessly up and down the chamber, pausing at each turn before the bier to contemplate the graceful corpse lying beneath the transparency of its shroud. Wild fancies came thronging to my brain. I thought to myself that she might not, perhaps, be really dead; that she might only have feigned death for the purpose of bringing me to her castle, and then declaring her love. At one time I even thought I saw her foot move under the whiteness of the coverings, and slightly disarrange the long straight folds of the winding-sheet.

I could no longer keep up my stiff attitude of prayer. The air in the alcove overwhelmed me; the intoxicating scent of half-faded roses filled my mind, and I started pacing back and forth in the room, stopping each time in front of the coffin to gaze at the graceful body beneath the sheer fabric of its shroud. Wild thoughts flooded my mind. I wondered if she might not really be dead; maybe she had just pretended to die to lure me to her castle and then confess her love. At one point, I even thought I saw her foot move under the white coverings, slightly disturbing the long, neat folds of the shroud.

And then I asked myself: ‘Is this indeed Clarimonde? What proof have I that it is she? Might not that black page have passed into the service of some other lady? Surely, I must be going mad to torture and afflict myself thus!’ But my heart answered with a fierce throbbing: ‘It is she; it is she indeed!’ I approached the bed again, and fixed my eyes with redoubled attention upon the object of my incertitude. Ah, must I confess it? That exquisite perfection of bodily form, although purified and made sacred by the shadow of death, affected me more voluptuously than it should have done; and that repose so closely resembled slumber that one might well have mistaken it for such. I forgot that I had come there to perform a funeral ceremony; I fancied myself a young bridegroom entering the chamber of the bride, who all modestly hides her fair face, and through coyness seeks to keep herself wholly veiled. Heartbroken with grief, yet wild with hope, shuddering at once with fear and pleasure, I bent over her and grasped the corner of the sheet. I lifted it back, holding my breath all the while through fear of waking her. My arteries throbbed with such violence that I felt them hiss through my temples, and the sweat poured from my forehead in streams, as though I had lifted a mighty slab of marble. There, indeed, lay Clarimonde, even as I had seen her at the church on the day of my ordination. She was not less charming than then. With her, death seemed but a last coquetry. The pallor of her cheeks, the less brilliant carnation of her lips, her long eyelashes lowered and relieving their dark fringe against that white skin, lent her an unspeakably seductive aspect of melancholy chastity and mental suffering; her long loose hair, still intertwined with some little blue flowers, made a shining pillow for her head, and veiled the nudity of her shoulders with its thick ringlets; her beautiful hands, purer, more diaphanous, than the Host, were crossed on her bosom in an attitude of pious rest and silent prayer, which served to counteract all that might have proven otherwise too alluring—even after death—in the exquisite roundness and ivory polish of her bare arms from which the pearl bracelets had not yet been removed. I remained long in mute contemplation, and the more I gazed, the less could I persuade myself that life had really abandoned that beautiful body for ever. I do not know whether it was an illusion or a reflection of the lamplight, but it seemed to me that the blood was again commencing to circulate under that lifeless pallor, although she remained all motionless. I laid my hand lightly on her arm; it was cold, but not colder than her hand on the day when it touched mine at the portals of the church. I resumed my position, bending my face above her, and bathing her cheek with the warm dew of my tears. Ah, what bitter feelings of despair and helplessness, what agonies unutterable did I endure in that long watch! Vainly did I wish that I could have gathered all my life into one mass that I might give it all to her, and breathe into her chill remains the flame which devoured me. The night advanced, and feeling the moment of eternal separation approach, I could not deny myself the last sad sweet pleasure of imprinting a kiss upon the dead lips of her who had been my only love.... Oh, miracle! A faint breath mingled itself with my breath, and the mouth of Clarimonde responded to the passionate pressure of mine. Her eyes unclosed, and lighted up with something of their former brilliancy; she uttered a long sigh, and uncrossing her arms, passed them around my neck with a look of ineffable delight. ‘Ah, it is thou, Romuald!’ she murmured in a voice languishingly sweet as the last vibrations of a harp. ‘What ailed thee, dearest? I waited so long for thee that I am dead; but we are now betrothed: I can see thee and visit thee. Adieu, Romuald, adieu! I love thee. That is all I wished to tell thee, and I give thee back the life which thy kiss for a moment recalled. We shall soon meet again.’

And then I asked myself, ‘Is this really Clarimonde? What proof do I have that it’s her? Could that dark figure have served another lady? Surely, I must be going crazy to torment myself like this!’ But my heart responded with a fierce pounding: ‘It is her; it’s really her!’ I approached the bed again and focused my eyes even more intently on the source of my uncertainty. Ah, must I admit it? That stunning perfection of her body, even though touched by the shadow of death, affected me more sensually than it should have; and that stillness looked so much like sleep that one could easily mistake it for that. I forgot I had come there for a funeral; I imagined myself a young groom entering the bride’s chamber, where she modestly hides her beautiful face and coyly tries to stay completely veiled. Heartbroken with grief yet filled with wild hope, trembling with a mix of fear and pleasure, I leaned over her and grasped the edge of the sheet. I pulled it back, holding my breath in fear of waking her. My pulse raced so violently that I felt it thumping in my temples, and sweat streamed down my forehead as if I had just lifted a heavy stone. There lay Clarimonde, just as I had seen her at the church on the day I was ordained. She was just as enchanting as before. With her, death seemed merely a final tease. The pallor of her cheeks, the less vibrant color of her lips, her long eyelashes lowered and framing that pale skin, gave her an indescribably alluring air of sad purity and mental anguish; her long loose hair, still woven with little blue flowers, formed a shining pillow for her head, veiling the nudity of her shoulders with its thick locks; her beautiful hands, purer and more transparent than the Host, were crossed over her chest in a posture of pious rest and silent prayer, which counterbalanced all that might have been overly tempting—even in death—in the flawless roundness and ivory sheen of her bare arms from which the pearl bracelets had yet to be removed. I remained in silent contemplation for a long time, and the more I stared, the less I could convince myself that life had truly left that beautiful body forever. I don't know if it was an illusion or a reflection of the lamplight, but it seemed to me that blood was beginning to circulate again beneath that lifeless pallor, even though she remained utterly still. I lightly laid my hand on her arm; it was cold, but not colder than her hand on the day when it touched mine at the church entrance. I resumed my position, bending my face close to hers, wetting her cheek with the warm dew of my tears. Ah, what bitter feelings of despair and helplessness, what unspeakable agony did I endure during that long vigil! I wished in vain that I could gather all my life into one mass to give it all to her, and breathe into her icy form the flame that consumed me. The night wore on, and sensing the moment of eternal separation approaching, I couldn’t deny myself the last sad, sweet pleasure of pressing a kiss against the dead lips of my one true love... Oh, miracle! A faint breath mingled with mine, and Clarimonde’s mouth responded to the passionate pressure of my kiss. Her eyes fluttered open, lighting up with a glimmer of their former brilliance; she let out a long sigh, and uncrossed her arms to wrap them around my neck with an expression of pure joy. ‘Ah, it’s you, Romuald!’ she murmured in a voice sweet and languid like the final notes of a harp. ‘What happened, my dear? I waited so long for you that I felt like I was dead; but we are now engaged: I can see you and visit you. Goodbye, Romuald, goodbye! I love you. That’s all I wanted to tell you, and I give back the life that your kiss briefly rekindled. We will meet again soon.’

Her head fell back, but her arms yet encircled me, as though to retain me still. A furious whirlwind suddenly burst in the window, and entered the chamber. The last remaining leaf of the white rose for a moment palpitated at the extremity of the stalk like a butterfly’s wing, then it detached itself and flew forth through the open casement, bearing with it the soul of Clarimonde. The lamp was extinguished, and I fell insensible upon the bosom of the beautiful dead.

Her head tilted back, but her arms still wrapped around me, as if trying to keep me close. A wild whirlwind suddenly rushed in through the window and filled the room. The last remaining leaf of the white rose fluttered at the end of the stem like a butterfly's wing, then it broke free and flew out through the open window, taking with it Clarimonde's soul. The lamp went out, and I collapsed unconscious against the body of the beautiful dead.

When I came to myself again I was lying on the bed in my little room at the presbytery, and the old dog of the former curé was licking my hand, which had been hanging down outside of the covers. Barbara, all trembling with age and anxiety, was busying herself about the room, opening and shutting drawers, and emptying powders into glasses. On seeing me open my eyes, the old woman uttered a cry of joy, the dog yelped and wagged his tail, but I was still so weak that I could not speak a single word or make the slightest motion. Afterward I learned that I had lain thus for three days, giving no evidence of life beyond the faintest respiration. Those three days do not reckon in my life, nor could I ever imagine whither my spirit had departed during those three days; I have no recollection of aught relating to them. Barbara told me that the same coppery-complexioned man who came to seek me on the night of my departure from the presbytery had brought me back the next morning in a close litter, and departed immediately afterward. When I became able to collect my scattered thoughts, I reviewed within my mind all the circumstances of that fateful night. At first I thought I had been the victim of some magical illusion, but ere long the recollection of other circumstances, real and palpable in themselves, came to forbid that supposition. I could not believe that I had been dreaming, since Barbara as well as myself had seen the strange man with his two black horses, and described with exactness every detail of his figure and apparel. Nevertheless it appeared that none knew of any castle in the neighbourhood answering to the description of that in which I had again found Clarimonde.

When I came to my senses again, I was lying on the bed in my small room at the rectory, and the old dog of the previous priest was licking my hand, which was hanging outside the covers. Barbara, trembling with age and worry, was busying herself around the room, opening and closing drawers and pouring powders into glasses. When she saw me open my eyes, the old woman cried out in joy, and the dog yelped and wagged his tail, but I was still too weak to speak a single word or make even the slightest movement. Later, I learned that I had lain there for three days, showing no signs of life beyond the faintest breath. Those three days don’t count in my life, and I can’t even imagine where my spirit had gone during that time; I have no memory of anything related to them. Barbara told me that the same copper-skinned man who had come to get me on the night I left the rectory brought me back the next morning in a closed litter and left immediately afterward. Once I was able to gather my scattered thoughts, I went over all the details of that fateful night in my mind. At first, I thought I had fallen victim to some kind of magical illusion, but soon the memory of other circumstances, real and tangible, made me dismiss that idea. I couldn’t believe I had been dreaming since both Barbara and I had seen the strange man with his two black horses and had described every detail of his appearance and clothing accurately. Still, it seemed that no one knew of any castle nearby that matched the description of the one where I had found Clarimonde again.

One morning I found the Abbé Sérapion in my room. Barbara had advised him that I was ill, and he had come with all speed to see me. Although this haste on his part testified to an affectionate interest in me, yet his visit did not cause me the pleasure which it should have done. The Abbé Sérapion had something penetrating and inquisitorial in his gaze which made me feel very ill at ease. His presence filled me with embarrassment and a sense of guilt. At the first glance he divined my interior trouble, and I hated him for his clairvoyance.

One morning, I found the Abbé Sérapion in my room. Barbara had told him that I was unwell, and he had rushed over to see me. Even though his eagerness showed that he cared about me, I didn’t feel the joy I should have from his visit. The Abbé Sérapion had a penetrating, almost probing look in his eyes that made me feel really uncomfortable. His presence filled me with embarrassment and guilt. From the moment he arrived, he sensed my inner turmoil, and I despised him for his insight.

While he inquired after my health in hypocritically honeyed accents, he constantly kept his two great yellow lion-eyes fixed upon me, and plunged his look into my soul like a sounding-lead. Then he asked me how I directed my parish, if I was happy in it, how I passed the leisure hours allowed me in the intervals of pastoral duty, whether I had become acquainted with many of the inhabitants of the place, what was my favourite reading, and a thousand other such questions. I answered these inquiries as briefly as possible, and he, without ever waiting for my answers, passed rapidly from one subject of query to another. That conversation had evidently no connection with what he actually wished to say. At last, without any premonition, but as though repeating a piece of news which he had recalled on the instant, and feared might otherwise be forgotten subsequently, he suddenly said, in a clear vibrant voice, which rang in my ears like the trumpets of the Last Judgment:

While he asked about my health in a phony sweet voice, he kept his two big yellow lion-like eyes fixed on me, gazing into my soul like a fisherman’s weight. Then he wanted to know how I managed my parish, if I was happy there, how I spent my free time between pastoral duties, if I’d met many locals, what my favorite books were, and a thousand other questions like that. I answered as briefly as I could, and he, without bothering to wait for my responses, quickly moved from one question to the next. It was clear that this conversation had nothing to do with what he really wanted to say. Finally, without any warning, as if he were recalling a piece of news that he feared might slip his mind, he suddenly said, in a clear, resonant voice that echoed in my ears like the trumpets of the Last Judgment:

‘The great courtesan Clarimonde died a few days ago, at the close of an orgie which lasted eight days and eight nights. It was something infernally splendid. The abominations of the banquets of Belshazzar and Cleopatra were re-enacted there. Good God, what age are we living in? The guests were served by swarthy slaves who spoke an unknown tongue, and who seemed to me to be veritable demons. The livery of the very least among them would have served for the gala-dress of an emperor. There have always been very strange stories told of this Clarimonde, and all her lovers came to a violent or miserable end. They used to say that she was a ghoul, a female vampire; but I believe she was none other than Beelzebub himself.’

‘The famous courtesan Clarimonde died a few days ago, after an orgy that lasted eight days and nights. It was incredibly extravagant. The excesses of the feasts of Belshazzar and Cleopatra were recreated there. Good God, what time are we living in? The guests were served by dark-skinned slaves who spoke a language I didn’t understand and seemed to me like real demons. The outfit of even the least among them would have been suitable as an emperor's formal wear. There have always been very strange stories about Clarimonde, and all her lovers met violent or tragic ends. They used to say she was a ghoul, a female vampire; but I think she was none other than Beelzebub himself.’

He ceased to speak, and commenced to regard me more attentively than ever, as though to observe the effect of his words on me. I could not refrain from starting when I heard him utter the name of Clarimonde, and this news of her death, in addition to the pain it caused me by reason of its coincidence with the nocturnal scenes I had witnessed, filled me with an agony and terror which my face betrayed, despite my utmost endeavours to appear composed. Sérapion fixed an anxious and severe look upon me, and then observed: ‘My son, I must warn you that you are standing with foot raised upon the brink of an abyss; take heed lest you fall therein. Satan’s claws are long, and tombs are not always true to their trust. The tombstone of Clarimonde should be sealed down with a triple seal, for, if report be true, it is not the first time she has died. May God watch over you, Romuald!’

He stopped talking and started to look at me more closely than ever, as if trying to see how his words affected me. I couldn't help but jump when I heard him say Clarimonde's name, and the news of her death, along with the pain it brought me because of the nighttime scenes I'd witnessed, filled me with a grief and fear that showed on my face, despite my best efforts to stay calm. Sérapion gave me a worried and serious look, and then said, "My son, I need to warn you that you're standing on the edge of a cliff; be careful not to fall in. Satan's grip is strong, and graves don't always keep their secrets. Clarimonde’s tomb should be sealed with a triple seal, because if the rumors are true, this isn't the first time she has died. May God protect you, Romuald!"

And with these words the Abbé walked slowly to the door. I did not see him again at that time, for he left for S——— almost immediately.

And with those words, the Abbé slowly walked to the door. I didn’t see him again at that time, as he left for S——— almost right away.

I became completely restored to health and resumed my accustomed duties. The memory of Clarimonde and the words of the old Abbé were constantly in my mind; nevertheless no extraordinary event had occurred to verify the funereal predictions of Sérapion, and I had commenced to believe that his fears and my own terrors were over-exaggerated, when one night I had a strange dream. I had hardly fallen asleep when I heard my bed-curtains drawn apart, as their rings slided back upon the curtain rod with a sharp sound. I rose up quickly upon my elbow, and beheld the shadow of a woman standing erect before me. I recognised Clarimonde immediately. She bore in her hand a little lamp, shaped like those which are placed in tombs, and its light lent her fingers a rosy transparency, which extended itself by lessening degrees even to the opaque and milky whiteness of her bare arm. Her only garment was the linen winding-sheet which had shrouded her when lying upon the bed of death. She sought to gather its folds over her bosom as though ashamed of being so scantily clad, but her little hand was not equal to the task. She was so white that the colour of the drapery blended with that of her flesh under the pallid rays of the lamp. Enveloped with this subtle tissue which betrayed all the contour of her body, she seemed rather the marble statue of some fair antique bather than a woman endowed with life. But dead or living, statue or woman, shadow or body, her beauty was still the same, only that the green light of her eyes was less brilliant, and her mouth, once so warmly crimson, was only tinted with a faint tender rosiness, like that of her cheeks. The little blue flowers which I had noticed entwined in her hair were withered and dry, and had lost nearly all their leaves, but this did not prevent her from being charming—so charming that, notwithstanding the strange character of the adventure, and the unexplainable manner in which she had entered my room, I felt not even for a moment the least fear.

I was completely healed and went back to my usual routine. The memory of Clarimonde and the old Abbé's words were always on my mind; however, no extraordinary events had happened to confirm Sérapion's gloomy predictions. I had started to think that his worries and my own fears were exaggerated when one night I had a strange dream. I had barely fallen asleep when I heard my bed curtains being pulled apart, the rings sliding along the rod with a sharp sound. I quickly sat up on my elbow and saw the silhouette of a woman standing in front of me. I recognized Clarimonde immediately. She held a small lamp shaped like those found in tombs, and its light gave her fingers a rosy glow that softly faded into the pale, milky whiteness of her bare arm. She was wearing only the linen shroud that had covered her when she lay on her deathbed. She tried to gather the fabric over her chest, as if embarrassed by her scant attire, but her small hand struggled with the task. She was so white that the color of the shroud blended with her skin under the pale lamp light. Wrapped in this delicate fabric, which revealed the curves of her body, she looked more like a marble statue of a lovely ancient bather than a living woman. But whether dead or alive, statue or person, shadow or flesh, her beauty remained the same, only the green light in her eyes was dimmer, and her mouth, once a deep crimson, was now just lightly tinted with a gentle rosiness, similar to her cheeks. The tiny blue flowers I had seen in her hair were wilted and dry, almost stripped of their leaves, yet this didn't take away from her charm—she was so enchanting that, despite the strange nature of the encounter and the mysterious way she had entered my room, I didn't feel the slightest bit of fear.

She placed the lamp on the table and seated herself at the foot of my bed; then bending toward me, she said, in that voice at once silvery clear and yet velvety in its sweet softness, such as I never heard from any lips save hers:

She set the lamp on the table and sat down at the foot of my bed; then leaning toward me, she said, in that voice that was both crystal clear and soothingly soft, unlike anything I had ever heard from anyone else but her:

‘I have kept thee long in waiting, dear Romuald, and it must have seemed to thee that I had forgotten thee. But I come from afar off, very far off, and from a land whence no other has ever yet returned. There is neither sun nor moon in that land whence I come: all is but space and shadow; there is neither road nor pathway: no earth for the foot, no air for the wing; and nevertheless behold me here, for Love is stronger than Death and must conquer him in the end. Oh what sad faces and fearful things I have seen on my way hither! What difficulty my soul, returned to earth through the power of will alone, has had in finding its body and reinstating itself therein! What terrible efforts I had to make ere I could lift the ponderous slab with which they had covered me! See, the palms of my poor hands are all bruised! Kiss them, sweet love, that they may be healed!’ She laid the cold palms of her hands upon ray mouth, one after the other. I kissed them, indeed, many times, and she the while watched me with a smile of ineffable affection.

‘I’ve kept you waiting for a long time, dear Romuald, and it must have seemed like I forgot about you. But I’ve come from very far away, from a place where no one else has ever returned. There’s neither sun nor moon in that land I come from: it’s all just space and shadow; there are no roads or paths; no ground for feet, no air for wings; and yet here I am, because Love is stronger than Death and will eventually conquer it. Oh, the sad faces and terrifying things I’ve seen on my way here! My soul, returning to earth through sheer willpower, has struggled to find its body and settle back in! The effort it took to lift the heavy stone that covered me was incredible! Look, the palms of my poor hands are all bruised! Kiss them, sweet love, so they can heal!’ She placed the cold palms of her hands on my mouth, one after another. I kissed them many times, and she watched me the whole time with a smile of pure affection.

I confess to my shame that I had entirely forgotten the advice of the Abbé Sérapion and the sacred office wherewith I had been invested. I had fallen without resistance, and at the first assault. I had not even made the least effort to repel the tempter. The fresh coolness of Clarimonde’s skin penetrated my own, and I felt voluptuous tremors pass over my whole body. Poor child! in spite of all I saw afterward, I can hardly yet believe she was a demon; at least she had no appearance of being such, and never did Satan so skilfully conceal his claws and horns. She had drawn her feet up beneath her, and squatted down on the edge of the couch in an attitude full of negligent coquetry. From time to time she passed her little hand through my hair and twisted it into curls, as though trying how a new style of wearing it would become my face. I abandoned myself to her hands with the most guilty pleasure, while she accompanied her gentle play with the prettiest prattle. The most remarkable fact was that I felt no astonishment whatever at so extraordinary ah adventure, and as in dreams one finds no difficulty in accepting the most fantastic events as simple facts, so all these circumstances seemed to me perfectly natural in themselves.

I shamefully admit that I completely forgot the advice of Abbé Sérapion and the holy responsibilities I had taken on. I fell without any resistance, right away at the first advance. I didn’t even try to push back against the tempter. The fresh coolness of Clarimonde’s skin seeped into mine, and I felt waves of pleasure ripple through my entire body. Poor girl! Despite everything I later saw, I can hardly believe she was a demon; at least she didn’t look like one, and never did Satan hide his claws and horns so well. She pulled her feet up underneath her and sat on the edge of the couch in a relaxed, flirtatious pose. From time to time, she ran her little hand through my hair and twisted it into curls, as if she were trying to figure out what style would suit my face best. I surrendered to her touch with the most guilty pleasure, while she paired her gentle play with the cutest chatter. The most surprising thing was that I felt no shock or disbelief at such an extraordinary situation; just like in dreams, where we accept the most bizarre events as normal, all these circumstances felt perfectly natural to me.

‘I loved thee long ere I saw thee, dear Romuald, and sought thee everywhere. Thou wast my dream, and I first saw thee in the church at the fatal moment. I said at once, “It is he!” I gave thee a look into which I threw all the love I ever had, all the love I now have, all the love I shall ever have for thee—a look that would have damned a cardinal or brought a king to his knees at my feet in view of all his court. Thou remainedst unmoved, preferring thy God to me!

'I loved you long before I saw you, dear Romuald, and looked for you everywhere. You were my dream, and I first saw you in the church at that fateful moment. I immediately thought, “It’s him!” I gave you a look that was filled with all the love I ever had, all the love I have now, all the love I will ever have for you—a look that could have damned a cardinal or brought a king to his knees at my feet in front of all his court. You stayed unmoved, choosing your God over me!

‘Ah, how jealous I am of that God whom thou didst love and still lovest more than me!

‘Ah, how jealous I am of that God you loved and still love more than me!

‘Woe is me, unhappy one that I am! I can never have thy heart all to myself, I whom thou didst recall to life with a kiss—dead Clarimonde, who for thy sake bursts asunder the gates of the tomb, and comes to consecrate to thee a life which she has resumed only to make thee happy!’

‘Oh, woe is me, the unhappy one! I can never have your heart all to myself, I who you brought back to life with a kiss—dead Clarimonde, who for your sake breaks open the gates of the tomb, and comes to dedicate to you a life that she has revived only to make you happy!’

All her words were accompanied with the most impassioned caresses, which bewildered my sense and my reason to such an extent, that I did not fear to utter a frightful blasphemy for the sake of consoling her, and to declare that I loved her as much as God.

All her words were paired with the most heartfelt touches, which confused my senses and my reason to the point that I didn’t hesitate to say something shocking to comfort her, declaring that I loved her as much as I loved God.

Her eyes rekindled and shone like chrysoprases. ‘In truth?—in very truth?—as much as God!’ she cried, flinging her beautiful arms around me. ‘Since it is so, thou wilt come with me; thou wilt follow me whithersoever I desire. Thou wilt cast away thy ugly black habit. Thou shalt be the proudest and most envied of cavaliers; thou shalt be my lover! To be the acknowledged lover of Clarimonde, who has refused even a Pope! That will be something to feel proud of. Ah, the fair, unspeakably happy existence, the beautiful golden life we shall live together! And when shall we depart, my fair sir?’

Her eyes lit up and sparkled like gemstones. "Really? —Really truly?— as much as God!" she exclaimed, wrapping her beautiful arms around me. "Since that's the case, you'll come with me; you'll follow me wherever I want. You'll ditch that ugly black outfit. You'll be the proudest and most envied of knights; you'll be my lover! To be the acknowledged lover of Clarimonde, who has even turned down a Pope! That’s something to be proud of. Ah, the lovely, indescribably happy life, the beautiful golden days we’ll share together! So when do we leave, my handsome sir?"

‘To-morrow! To-morrow!’ I cried in my delirium.

‘Tomorrow! Tomorrow!’ I shouted in my fevered state.

‘To-morrow, then, so let it be!’ she answered. ‘In the meanwhile I shall have opportunity to change my toilet, for this is a little too light and in nowise suited for a voyage. I must also forthwith notify all my friends who believe me dead, and mourn for me as deeply as they are capable of doing. The money, the dresses, the carriages—all will be ready. I shall call for thee at this same hour. Adieu, dear heart!’ And she lightly touched my forehead with her lips. The lamp went out, the curtains closed again, and all became dark; a leaden, dreamless sleep fell on me and held me unconscious until the morning following.

‘Tomorrow, then, let it be!’ she replied. ‘In the meantime, I’ll have a chance to change my outfit, since this one is a little too light and not at all suitable for a journey. I also need to let all my friends who think I’m dead know, and they can mourn for me as much as they’re able to. The money, the dresses, the carriages—all will be ready. I’ll come for you at this same hour. Goodbye, dear heart!’ And she gently kissed my forehead. The lamp went out, the curtains closed again, and everything went dark; a heavy, dreamless sleep took over, and I remained unconscious until the following morning.

I awoke later than usual, and the recollection of this singular adventure troubled me during the whole day. I finally persuaded myself that it was a mere vapour of my heated imagination. Nevertheless its sensations had been so vivid that it was difficult to persuade myself that they were not real, and it was not without some presentiment of what was going to happen that I got into bed at last, after having prayed God to drive far from me all thoughts of evil, and to protect the chastity of my slumber.

I woke up later than usual, and the memory of that unique experience bothered me all day. I eventually convinced myself it was just a product of my overactive imagination. Still, the sensations had been so intense that it was hard to believe they weren't real, and I felt a bit uneasy about what was coming as I finally got into bed, after praying to God to keep away all harmful thoughts and to guard my purity while I slept.

I soon fell into a deep sleep, and my dream was continued. The curtains again parted, and I beheld Clarimonde, not as on the former occasion, pale in her pale winding-sheet, with the violets of death upon her cheeks, but gay, sprightly, jaunty, in a superb travelling-dress of green velvet, trimmed with gold lace, and looped up on either side to allow a glimpse of satin petticoat. Her blond hair escaped in thick ringlets from beneath a broad black felt hat, decorated with white feathers whimsically twisted into various shapes. In one hand she held a little riding-whip terminated by a golden whistle. She tapped me lightly with it, and exclaimed: ‘Well, my fine sleeper, is this the way you make your preparations? I thought I would find you up and dressed. Arise quickly, we have no time to lose.’

I soon fell into a deep sleep, and my dream continued. The curtains parted again, and I saw Clarimonde, not like before, pale in her deathly white gown with the violets of death on her cheeks, but lively, cheerful, and stylish, wearing a stunning traveling outfit of green velvet, trimmed with gold lace, and looped on both sides to show off her satin petticoat. Her blonde hair spilled in thick curls from under a wide black felt hat, decorated with whimsically twisted white feathers. In one hand, she held a small riding whip with a golden whistle at the end. She tapped me lightly with it and said, “Well, my dear sleeper, is this how you prepare? I thought you’d be up and ready. Get up quickly; we don’t have time to waste.”

I leaped out of bed at once.

I jumped out of bed right away.

‘Come, dress yourself, and let us go,’ she continued, pointing to a little package she had brought with her. ‘The horses are becoming impatient of delay and champing their bits at the door. We ought to have been by this time at least ten leagues distant from here.’

‘Come on, get dressed, and let’s go,’ she said, pointing to a small package she had brought with her. ‘The horses are getting restless and chewing on their bits at the door. By now, we should have been at least ten leagues away from here.’

I dressed myself hurriedly, and she handed me the articles of apparel herself one by one, bursting into laughter from time to time at my awkwardness, as she explained to me the use of a garment when I had made a mistake. She hurriedly arranged my hair, and this done, held up before me a little pocket-mirror of Venetian crystal, rimmed with silver filigree-work, and playfully asked: ‘How dost find thyself now? Wilt engage me for thy valet de chambre?’

I got dressed quickly, and she handed me each piece of clothing one at a time, laughing occasionally at my clumsiness while explaining how to wear something when I messed up. She quickly fixed my hair, and when she was done, she held up a small pocket mirror made of Venetian crystal, edged with silver filigree, and playfully asked, "How do you like yourself now? Will you hire me as your personal attendant?"

I was no longer the same person, and I could not even recognise myself. I resembled my former self no more than a finished statue resembles a block of stone. My old face seemed but a coarse daub of the one reflected in the mirror. I was handsome, and my vanity was sensibly tickled by the metamorphosis.

I was no longer the same person, and I couldn’t even recognize myself. I looked nothing like my old self, just as a finished statue doesn’t resemble a rough block of stone. My old face seemed like a rough sketch compared to the one staring back at me in the mirror. I was handsome, and my vanity was noticeably pleased by the transformation.

That elegant apparel, that richly embroidered vest had made of me a totally different personage, and I marvelled at the power of transformation owned by a few yards of cloth cut after a certain pattern. The spirit of my costume penetrated my very skin and within ten minutes more I had become something of a coxcomb.

That stylish outfit, that intricately embroidered vest had turned me into a completely different person, and I was amazed by the transformative power held by just a few yards of fabric tailored in a certain way. The essence of my costume seeped into my very being, and within just ten more minutes, I had become somewhat of a show-off.

In order to feel more at ease in my new attire, I took several turns up and down the room. Clari-monde watched me with an air of maternal pleasure, and appeared well satisfied with her work. ‘Come, enough of this child’s play! Let us start, Romuald, dear. We have far to go, and we may not get there in time.’ She took my hand and led me forth. All the doors opened before her at a touch, and we passed by the dog without awaking him.

To feel more comfortable in my new outfit, I walked back and forth in the room a few times. Clari-monde watched me with a look of motherly satisfaction and seemed pleased with her work. “Alright, enough of this playing around! Let’s get going, Romuald, dear. We have a long way to travel, and we might not make it in time.” She took my hand and led me out. All the doors opened for her with just a touch, and we walked past the dog without waking him.

At the gate we found Margheritone waiting, the same swarthy groom who had once before been my-escort. He held the bridles of three horses, all black like those which bore us to the castle—one for me, one for him, one for Clarimonde. Those horses must have been Spanish genets born of mares fecundated by a zephyr, for they were fleet as the wind itself, and the moon, which had just risen at our departure to light us on the way, rolled over the sky like a wheel detached from her own chariot. We beheld her on the right leaping from tree to tree, and putting herself out of breath in the effort to keep up with us. Soon we came upon a level plain where, hard by a clump of trees, a carriage with four vigorous horses awaited us. We entered it, and the postillions urged their animals into a mad gallop. I had one arm around Clarimonde’s waist, and one of her hands clasped in mine; her head leaned upon my shoulder, and I felt her bosom, half bare, lightly pressing against my arm. I had never known such intense happiness. In that hour I had forgotten everything, and I no more remembered having ever been a priest than I remembered what I had been doing in my mother’s womb, so great was the fascination which the evil spirit exerted upon me. From that night my nature seemed in some sort to have become halved, and there were two men within me, neither of whom knew the other. At one moment I believed myself a priest who dreamed nightly that he was a gentleman, at another that I was a gentleman who dreamed he was a priest. I could no longer distinguish the dream from the reality, nor could I discover where the reality began or where ended the dream. The exquisite young lord and libertine railed at the priest, the priest loathed the dissolute habits of the young lord. Two spirals entangled and confounded the one with the other, yet never touching, would afford a fair representation of this bicephalic life which I lived. Despite the strange character of my condition, I do not believe that I ever inclined, even for a moment, to madness. I always retained with extreme vividness all the perceptions of my two lives. Only there was one absurd fact which I could not explain to myself—namely, that the consciousness of the same individuality existed in two men so opposite in character. It was an anomaly for which I could not account—whether I believed myself to be the curé of the little village of C———, or Il Signor Romualdo, the titled lover of Clarimonde.

At the gate, we found Margheritone waiting, the same dark-skinned groom who had previously served as my escort. He held the reins of three horses, all black like the ones that took us to the castle—one for me, one for him, and one for Clarimonde. Those horses must have been Spanish genets born from mares touched by a breeze because they were as fast as the wind itself. The moon, which had just risen as we set off, rolled across the sky like a wheel separated from its chariot. We saw her on the right leaping from tree to tree, struggling to keep pace with us. Soon we reached a flat area where, next to a cluster of trees, a carriage with four strong horses was waiting for us. We got in, and the drivers spurred their horses into a wild gallop. I had one arm around Clarimonde’s waist, and one of her hands held in mine; her head rested on my shoulder, and I felt her lightly pressing bosom against my arm. I had never experienced such intense happiness. In that moment, I had forgotten everything, and I could no longer remember that I had ever been a priest, just as I could not recall what I had been doing in my mother’s womb; the pull the dark spirit had on me was that strong. From that night, it felt like my identity had been split in two, with two men inside me who didn't know each other. At times, I thought of myself as a priest dreaming that he was a gentleman, and at other times, I was a gentleman dreaming he was a priest. I could no longer tell where the dream ended and reality began. The charming young lord and libertine criticized the priest, while the priest despised the young lord’s reckless lifestyle. Two spirals twisted and blurred together without touching, perfectly representing this dual life I was leading. Despite the peculiar nature of my situation, I don’t think I ever seriously entertained madness. I always vividly retained the awareness of my two lives. There was just one absurd fact I couldn’t explain—how the same sense of self could exist within such different individuals. It was a mystery I couldn’t solve—whether I thought of myself as the curé of the small village of C——— or Il Signor Romualdo, the titled lover of Clarimonde.

Be that as it may, I lived, at least I believed that I lived, in Venice. I have never been able to discover rightly how much of illusion and how much of reality there was in this fantastic adventure. We dwelt in a great palace on the Canaleio, filled with frescoes and statues, and containing two Titians in the noblest style of the great master, which were hung in Clarimonde’s chamber. It was a palace well worthy of a king. We had each our gondola, our barcarolli in family livery, our music hall, and our special poet. Clarimonde always lived upon a magnificent scale; there was something of Cleopatra in her nature. As for me, I had the retinue of a prince’s son, and I was regarded with as much reverential respect as though I had been of the family of one of the twelve Apostles or the four Evangelists of the Most Serene Republic. I would not have turned aside to allow even the Doge to pass, and I do not believe that since Satan fell from heaven, any creature was ever prouder or more insolent than I. I went to the Ridotto, and played with a luck which seemed absolutely infernal. I received the best of all society—the sons of ruined families, women of the theatre, shrewd knaves, parasites, hectoring swashbucklers. But notwithstanding the dissipation of such a life, I always remained faithful to Clarimonde. I loved her wildly. She would have excited satiety itself, and chained inconstancy. To have Clarimonde was to have twenty mistresses; ay, to possess all women: so mobile, so varied of aspect, so fresh in new charms was she all in herself—a very chameleon of a woman, in sooth. She made you commit with her the infidelity you would have committed with another, by donning to perfection the character, the attraction, the style of beauty of the woman who appeared to please you. She returned my love a hundred-fold, and it was in vain that the young patricians and even the Ancients of the Council of Ten made her the most magnificent proposals. A Foscari even went so far as to offer to espouse her. She rejected all his overtures. Of gold she had enough. She wished no longer for anything but love—a love youthful, pure, evoked by herself, and which should be a first and last passion. I would have been perfectly happy but for a cursed nightmare which recurred every night, and in which I believed myself to be a poor village curé, practising mortification and penance for my excesses during the day. Reassured by my constant association with her, I never thought further of the strange manner in which I had become acquainted with Clarimonde. But the words of the Abbé Sérapion concerning her recurred often to my memory, and never ceased to cause me uneasiness.

Be that as it may, I lived, or at least I thought I lived, in Venice. I've never been able to figure out how much of it was an illusion and how much was real in this incredible adventure. We resided in a grand palace on the Canal, adorned with frescoes and statues, featuring two Titians in the magnificent style of the great master, which hung in Clarimonde’s room. It was a palace fit for a king. Each of us had our own gondola, our family-colored gondoliers, our music hall, and our personal poet. Clarimonde always lived in extravagance; there was something of Cleopatra in her character. As for me, I had the entourage of a prince's son and was regarded with as much respect as if I were a member of one of the twelve Apostles or the four Evangelists of the Most Serene Republic. I wouldn't have stepped aside for even the Doge, and I doubt that since Satan fell from heaven, any being has been prouder or more arrogant than I. I went to the Ridotto and played with luck that seemed downright supernatural. I mingled with the best of society—the sons of fallen families, actresses, crafty cheats, sycophants, and boasting braggarts. Yet, despite the excesses of such a lifestyle, I remained devoted to Clarimonde. I loved her intensely. She would have made even the most jaded person feel desire and quelled any restlessness. To have Clarimonde was like having twenty mistresses; indeed, it was to possess all women—so adaptable, so diverse in her appearance, so fresh in new charms was she in herself—a true chameleon of a woman. She made you betray her with the infidelity you would have shown to another, by perfectly embodying the character, allure, and beauty of the woman you desired. She returned my love a hundredfold, and it was in vain that young patricians and even the Ancients of the Council of Ten made her the most extravagant offers. A Foscari even went so far as to propose marriage. She turned down all his advances. She had enough gold. She wanted nothing but love—a love that was youthful, pure, ignited by herself, and that would be her first and last passion. I would have been completely happy if it weren't for a disturbing nightmare that haunted me every night, in which I believed I was a poor village priest, practicing self-denial and penance for my daily transgressions. Comforted by my constant time with her, I never reflected more on the strange way in which I had come to know Clarimonde. But the words of Abbé Sérapion about her often came back to me and never failed to cause me anxiety.

For some time the health of Clarimonde had not been so good as usual; her complexion grew paler day by day. The physicians who were summoned could not comprehend the nature of her malady and knew not how to treat it. They all prescribed some insignificant remedies, and never called a second time. Her paleness, nevertheless, visibly increased, and she became colder and colder, until she seemed almost as white and dead as upon that memorable night in the unknown castle. I grieved with anguish unspeakable to behold her thus slowly perishing; and she, touched by my agony, smiled upon me sweetly and sadly with the fateful smile of those who feel that they must die.

For a while, Clarimonde's health had been worse than usual; her complexion became paler with each passing day. The doctors who were called in couldn't understand the cause of her illness and didn't know how to treat it. They all prescribed trivial remedies and never came back again. Her paleness continued to grow, and she became colder and colder, until she appeared almost as white and lifeless as she had on that unforgettable night in the mysterious castle. I felt an indescribable anguish watching her slowly fade away; and she, sensing my pain, smiled at me sweetly and sadly, with the knowing smile of someone who realizes they are about to die.

One morning I was seated at her bedside, and breakfasting from a little table placed close at hand, so that I might not be obliged to leave her for a single instant. In the act of cutting some fruit I accidentally inflicted rather a deep gash on my finger. The blood immediately gushed forth in a little purple jet, and a few drops spurted upon Clarimonde. Her eyes flashed, her face suddenly assumed an expression of savage and ferocious joy such as I had never before observed in her. She leaped out of her bed with animal agility—the agility, as it were, of an ape or a cat—and sprang upon my wound, which she commenced to suck with an air of unutterable pleasure. She swallowed the blood in little mouthfuls, slowly and carefully, like a connoisseur tasting a wine from Xeres or Syracuse. Gradually her eyelids half closed, and the pupils of her green eyes became oblong instead of round. From time to time she paused in order to kiss my hand, then she would recommence to press her lips to the lips of the wound in order to coax forth a few more ruddy drops. When she found that the blood would no longer come, she arose with eyes liquid and brilliant, rosier than a May dawn; her face full and fresh, her hand warm and moist—in fine, more beautiful than ever, and in the most perfect health.

One morning, I was sitting by her bedside, having breakfast from a small table nearby, so I wouldn’t have to leave her for even a moment. While I was cutting some fruit, I accidentally cut my finger pretty deep. Blood immediately gushed out in a little purple stream, and a few drops landed on Clarimonde. Her eyes lit up, and her face suddenly showed a wild and fierce joy that I had never seen in her before. She jumped out of bed with the agility of an animal—like an ape or a cat—and pounced on my wound, starting to suck it with an indescribable delight. She swallowed the blood in little sips, slowly and carefully, like a connoisseur tasting a fine wine. Gradually, her eyelids half closed, and the pupils of her green eyes became elongated instead of round. Occasionally, she would stop to kiss my hand, then she would go back to pressing her lips against the wound, trying to coax a few more drops out. When she realized no more blood would come, she stood up with eyes shining and bright, more radiant than a May dawn; her face was full and fresh, her hand warm and moist—beautiful as ever, and in the best health.

‘I shall not die! I shall not die!’ she cried, clinging to my neck, half mad with joy. ‘I can love thee yet for a long time. My life is thine, and all that is of me comes from thee. A few drops of thy rich and noble blood, more precious and more potent than all the elixirs of the earth, have given me back life.’

‘I won’t die! I won’t die!’ she shouted, holding onto my neck, half crazy with happiness. ‘I can love you for a long time. My life is yours, and everything about me comes from you. A few drops of your rich and noble blood, more precious and more powerful than all the elixirs in the world, have given me back my life.’

This scene long haunted my memory, and inspired me with strange doubts in regard to Clarimonde; and the same evening, when slumber had transported me to my presbytery, I beheld the Abbé Sérapion, graver and more anxious of aspect than ever. He gazed attentively at me, and sorrowfully exclaimed: ‘Not content with losing your soul, you now desire also to lose your body. Wretched young man, into how terrible a plight have you fallen!’ The tone in which he uttered these words powerfully affected me, but in spite of its vividness even that impression was soon dissipated, and a thousand other cares erased it from my mind. At last one evening, while looking into a mirror whose traitorous position she had not taken into account, I saw Clarimonde in the act of emptying a powder into the cup of spiced wine which she had long been in the habit of preparing after our repasts. I took the cup, feigned to carry it to my lips, and then placed it on the nearest article of furniture as though intending to finish it at my leisure. Taking advantage of a moment when the fair one’s back was turned, I threw the contents under the table, after which I retired to my chamber and went to bed, fully resolved not to sleep, but to watch and discover what should come of all this mystery. I did not have to wait long, Clarimonde entered in her nightdress, and having removed her apparel, crept into bed and lay down beside me. When she felt assured that I was asleep, she bared my arm, and drawing a gold pin from her hair, commenced to murmur in a low voice:

This scene haunted my memory for a long time and filled me with strange doubts about Clarimonde. That same evening, when sleep took me back to my presbytery, I saw Abbé Sérapion, looking more serious and anxious than ever. He stared at me intently and sadly exclaimed, “Not satisfied with losing your soul, you now want to lose your body too. You miserable young man, look at the terrible situation you've put yourself in!” The way he said this deeply moved me, but despite its intensity, that feeling faded quickly, overshadowed by a thousand other worries. Finally, one evening, while glancing into a mirror that I hadn’t realized was in a tricky position, I caught Clarimonde pouring a powder into a cup of spiced wine she had been making for us after meals. I took the cup, pretended to drink from it, then set it down on the nearest piece of furniture as if I meant to finish it later. When I noticed she had her back turned, I dumped the contents under the table, then went to my room and got into bed, fully determined to stay awake and figure out this mystery. I didn’t have to wait long; Clarimonde came in wearing her nightdress, took off her clothes, climbed into bed beside me, and once she felt sure I was asleep, she exposed my arm and pulled a gold pin from her hair, starting to murmur softly:

‘One drop, only one drop! One ruby at the end of my needle.... Since thou lovest me yet, I must not die!... Ah, poor love! His beautiful blood, so brightly purple, I must drink it. Sleep, my only treasure! Sleep, my god, my child! I will do thee no harm; I will only take of thy life what I must to keep my own from being for ever extinguished. But that I love thee so much, I could well resolve to have other lovers whose veins I could drain; but since I have known thee all other men have become hateful to me.... Ah, the beautiful arm! How round it is! How white it is! How shall I ever dare to prick this pretty blue vein!’ And while thus murmuring to herself she wept, and I felt her tears raining on my arm as she clasped it with her hands. At last she took the resolve, slightly punctured me with her pin, and commenced to suck up the blood which oozed from the place. Although she swallowed only a few drops, the fear of weakening me soon seized her, and she carefully tied a little band around my arm, afterward rubbing the wound with an unguent which immediately cicatrised it. Further doubts were impossible. The Abbé Sérapion was right. Notwithstanding this positive knowledge, however, I could not cease to love Clarimonde, and I would gladly of my own accord have given her all the blood she required to sustain her factitious life. Moreover, I felt but little fear of her. The woman seemed to plead with me for the vampire, and what I had already heard and seen sufficed to reassure me completely. In those days I had plenteous veins, which would not have been so easily exhausted as at present; and I would not have thought of bargaining for my blood, drop by drop. I would rather have opened myself the veins of my arm and said to her: ‘Drink, and may my love infiltrate itself throughout thy body together with my blood!’ I carefully avoided ever making the least reference to the narcotic drink she had prepared for me, or to the incident of the pin, and we lived in the most perfect harmony.

‘Just one drop, only one drop! One ruby at the end of my needle... Since you still love me, I can’t die!... Ah, poor love! Your beautiful blood, so bright and purple, I have to drink it. Sleep, my only treasure! Sleep, my god, my child! I won’t harm you; I’ll only take what I need to keep my own life from being extinguished forever. If I didn’t love you so much, I could easily resolve to find other lovers to drain; but since I've met you, all other men have become repulsive to me... Ah, your beautiful arm! How round it is! How white it is! How will I ever dare to prick this pretty blue vein!’ As she murmured to herself, she wept, and I felt her tears falling on my arm as she held it with her hands. Finally, she made her decision, lightly pricked me with her pin, and began to suck the blood that oozed from the spot. Even though she swallowed only a few drops, fear of weakening me soon took hold of her, and she carefully tied a little band around my arm, then rubbed the wound with a balm that immediately healed it. Further doubts were impossible. The Abbé Sérapion was right. Despite this knowledge, I couldn’t stop loving Clarimonde, and I would have gladly given her all the blood she needed to sustain her false life. Besides, I felt little fear of her. The woman seemed to plead with me for the vampire, and what I had already seen and heard reassured me completely. At that time, I had plenty of veins, which wouldn’t have been so easily drained as they are now; I wouldn’t have thought about bargaining for my blood, drop by drop. I would have preferred to open the veins of my arm and say to her: ‘Drink, and may my love flow through your body along with my blood!’ I carefully avoided ever mentioning the narcotic drink she had made for me or the pin incident, and we lived in perfect harmony.

Yet my priestly scruples commenced to torment me more than ever, and I was at a loss to imagine what new penance I could invent in order to mortify and subdue my flesh. Although these visions were involuntary, and though I did not actually participate in anything relating to them, I could not dare to touch the body of Christ with hands so impure and a mind defiled by such debauches whether real or imaginary. In the effort to avoid falling under the influence of these wearisome hallucinations, I strove to prevent myself from being overcome by sleep. I held my eyelids open with my fingers, and stood for hours together leaning upright against the wall, fighting sleep with all my might; but the dust of drowsiness invariably gathered upon my eyes at last, and finding all resistance useless, I would have to let my arms fall in the extremity of despairing weariness, and the current of slumber would again bear me away to the perfidious shores. Sérapion addressed me with the most vehement exhortations, severely reproaching me for my softness and want of fervour. Finally, one day when I was more wretched than usual, he said to me: ‘There is but one way by which you can obtain relief from this continual torment, and though it is an extreme measure it must be made use of; violent diseases require violent remedies. I know where Clarimonde is buried. It is necessary that we shall disinter her remains, and that you shall behold in how pitiable a state the object of your love is. Then you will no longer be tempted to lose your soul for the sake of an unclean corpse devoured by worms, and ready to crumble into dust. That will assuredly restore you to yourself.’ For my part, I was so tired of this double life that I at once consented, desiring to ascertain beyond a doubt whether a priest or a gentleman had been the victim of delusion. I had become fully resolved either to kill one of the two men within me for the benefit of the other, or else to kill both, for so terrible an existence could not last long and be endured. The Abbé Sérapion provided himself with a mattock, a lever, and a lantern, and at midnight we wended our way to the cemetery of ———, the location and place of which were perfectly familiar to him. After having directed the rays of the dark lantern upon the inscriptions of several tombs, we came at last upon a great slab, half concealed by huge weeds and devoured by mosses and parasitic plants, whereupon we deciphered the opening lines of the epitaph:

Yet my priestly doubts started to torment me more than ever, and I was at a loss to think of any new punishment I could come up with to discipline my body. Even though these visions were uninvited and I didn’t actually engage in anything connected to them, I couldn’t bring myself to touch the body of Christ with hands so tainted and a mind contaminated by such indulgences, whether real or imagined. To avoid being overtaken by these exhausting hallucinations, I tried to keep myself from falling asleep. I propped my eyelids open with my fingers and stood for hours against the wall, battling sleep with all my strength; but eventually, the dust of drowsiness would settle on my eyes, and finding all resistance pointless, I’d let my arms drop in utter exhaustion as the current of sleep would once again carry me away to treacherous shores. Sérapion scolded me with passionate warnings, harshly criticizing my weakness and lack of zeal. Finally, one day when I was more miserable than usual, he said to me: ‘There’s only one way to escape this constant torment, and while it’s an extreme measure, it’s necessary; severe ailments require severe remedies. I know where Clarimonde is buried. We need to dig her up, and you need to see what a pitiful state your beloved is in. Then you won’t be tempted to lose your soul for the sake of a decaying corpse eaten by worms, ready to turn to dust. That will surely bring you back to your senses.’ As for me, I was so exhausted by this double life that I immediately agreed, wanting to find out for sure whether a priest or a gentleman had fallen victim to delusion. I had fully resolved to either eliminate one of the two within me for the sake of the other or to destroy both, for such a dreadful existence couldn’t last long. Abbé Sérapion got himself a pickaxe, a lever, and a lantern, and at midnight we made our way to the cemetery in ———, which he knew well. After shining the dark lantern on the inscriptions of several tombstones, we finally found a large slab, partially hidden by tall weeds and consumed by moss and other plants, where we deciphered the first lines of the epitaph:

     Here lies Clarimonde
     Who was famed in her life-time
     As the fairest of women.*

          * Ici gît Clarimonde
          Qui fut de son vivant
          La plus belle du monde.

          The broken beauty of the lines is unavoidably
          lost in the translation.
     Here lies Clarimonde
     Who was known in her lifetime
     As the most beautiful of women.*

          * Ici gît Clarimonde
          Qui fut de son vivant
          La plus belle du monde.

          The broken beauty of the lines is unavoidably
          lost in the translation.

‘It is here without a doubt,’ muttered Sérapion, and placing his lantern on the ground, he forced the point of the lever under the edge of the stone and commenced to raise it. The stone yielded, and he proceeded to work with the mattock. Darker and more silent than the night itself, I stood by and watched him do it, while he, bending over his dismal toil, streamed with sweat, panted, and his hard-coming breath seemed to have the harsh tone of a death rattle. It was a weird scene, and had any persons from without beheld us, they would assuredly have taken us rather for profane wretches and shroud-stealers than for priests of God. There was something grim and fierce in Sérapion’s zeal which lent him the air of a demon rather than of an apostle or an angel, and his great aquiline face, with all its stern features, brought out in strong relief by the lantern-light, had something fearsome in it which enhanced the unpleasant fancy. I felt an icy sweat come out upon my forehead in huge beads, and my hair stood up with a hideous fear. Within the depths of my own heart I felt that the act of the austere Sérapion was an abominable sacrilege; and I could have prayed that a triangle of fire would issue from the entrails of the dark clouds, heavily rolling above us, to reduce him to cinders. The owls which had been nestling in the cypress-trees, startled by the gleam of the lantern, flew against it from time to time, striking their dusty wings against its panes, and uttering plaintive cries of lamentation; wild foxes yelped in the far darkness, and a thousand sinister noises detached themselves from the silence. At last Séra-pion’s mattock struck the coffin itself, making its planks re-echo with a deep sonorous sound, with that terrible sound nothingness utters when stricken. He wrenched apart and tore up the lid, and I beheld Clarimonde, pallid as a figure of marble, with hands joined; her white winding-sheet made but one fold from her head to her feet. A little crimson drop sparkled like a speck of dew at one corner of her colourless mouth. Sérapion, at this spectacle, burst into fury: ‘Ah, thou art here, demon! Impure courtesan! Drinker of blood and gold! ‘And he flung holy water upon the corpse and the coffin, over which he traced the sign of the cross with his sprinkler. Poor Clarimonde had no sooner been touched by the blessed spray than her beautiful body crumbled into dust, and became only a shapeless and frightful mass of cinders and half-calcined bones.

‘It’s definitely here,’ muttered Sérapion, and placing his lantern on the ground, he forced the lever under the edge of the stone and started to lift it. The stone gave way, and he began working with the mattock. Darker and more silent than the night itself, I stood by and watched him, while he, bent over his grim task, was drenched in sweat, panting, and his labored breathing sounded harsh like a death rattle. It was a bizarre scene, and if anyone from outside had seen us, they would surely have thought we were disrespectful miscreants and grave robbers rather than priests of God. There was something grim and intense in Sérapion’s fervor that made him seem more like a demon than an apostle or an angel, and his large, hawk-like face, with all its severe features, highlighted by the lantern light, had a fearsome quality that intensified the unsettling feeling. I felt icy sweat forming huge beads on my forehead, and my hair stood on end from sheer terror. Deep in my heart, I felt that Sérapion’s actions were a disgusting sacrilege; I almost wished for a triangle of fire to burst forth from the dark clouds rolling above us, to reduce him to ashes. The owls that had been nesting in the cypress trees, startled by the lantern's glow, occasionally flew at it, brushing their dusty wings against the glass and letting out mournful cries. Wild foxes howled in the distant darkness, and a thousand eerie noises broke the silence. Finally, Sérapion’s mattock hit the coffin itself, making the planks resonate with a deep, hollow sound—the kind of sound that nothingness makes when struck. He pried open and tore off the lid, and I saw Clarimonde, pale as a marble statue, with her hands joined; her white shroud was a single fold from her head to her feet. A tiny crimson drop sparkled like a dewdrop at one corner of her lifeless mouth. At this sight, Sérapion erupted in rage: ‘Ah, there you are, demon! Impure prostitute! Drinker of blood and gold!’ And he splashed holy water on the corpse and the coffin, tracing the sign of the cross over it with his sprinkler. Poor Clarimonde, touched by the sacred spray, found her beautiful body disintegrating into dust, becoming a shapeless and horrifying mass of ashes and charred bones.

‘Behold your mistress, my Lord Romuald!’ cried the inexorable priest, as he pointed to these sad remains. ‘Will you be easily tempted after this to promenade on the Lido or at Fusina with your beauty?’ I covered my face with my hands, a vast ruin had taken place within me. I returned to my presbytery, and the noble Lord Romuald, the lover of Clarimonde, separated himself from the poor priest with whom he had kept such strange company so long. But once only, the following night, I saw Clarimonde. She said to me, as she had said the first time at the portals of the church: ‘Unhappy man! Unhappy man! What hast thou done? Wherefore have hearkened to that imbecile priest? Wert thou not happy? And what harm had I ever done thee that thou shouldst violate my poor tomb, and lay bare the miseries of my nothingness? All communication between our souls and our bodies is henceforth for ever broken. Adieu! Thou wilt yet regret me!’ She vanished in air as smoke, and I never saw her more.

‘Look at your mistress, my Lord Romuald!’ shouted the relentless priest, pointing to the sad remains. ‘Will you still be tempted to stroll on the Lido or at Fusina with your beauty after this?’ I covered my face with my hands; a tremendous ruin had occurred within me. I returned to my presbytery, and the noble Lord Romuald, the lover of Clarimonde, distanced himself from the poor priest with whom he had kept such strange company for so long. But once, only the following night, I saw Clarimonde again. She said to me, just like she had on the first day at the church's entrance: ‘Unhappy man! Unhappy man! What have you done? Why did you listen to that foolish priest? Weren't you happy? And what wrong had I ever done to you that you should violate my poor tomb and expose the miseries of my nothingness? All connection between our souls and bodies is now forever broken. Goodbye! You will yet regret me!’ She disappeared into thin air like smoke, and I never saw her again.

Alas! she spoke truly indeed. I have regretted her more than once, and I regret her still. My soul’s peace has been very dearly bought. The love of God was not too much to replace such a love as hers. And this, brother, is the story of my youth. Never gaze upon a woman, and walk abroad only with eyes ever fixed upon the ground; for however chaste and watchful one may be, the error of a single moment is enough to make one lose eternity. lose eternity.

Sadly, she really spoke the truth. I've regretted her more than once, and I still do. My soul’s peace has cost me dearly. The love of God wasn't too great a price to pay for a love like hers. And this, brother, is the story of my youth. Never look at a woman, and always keep your eyes on the ground when you're out; because no matter how pure and cautious you might be, just one moment of mistake can cost you eternity.


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