This is a modern-English version of The Merry Wives of Windsor: The Works of William Shakespeare [Cambridge Edition] [9 vols.], originally written by Shakespeare, William. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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General Notes are in their original location at the end of the Folio text, followed by the text-critical notes originally printed at the bottom of each page. All notes are hyperlinked in both directions. In dialogue, a link from a speaker’s name generally means that the note applies to the entire line or group of lines. The Quarto text is given separately, after all Notes.

General Notes are still located at the end of the Folio text, followed by the text-critical notes that were originally printed at the bottom of each page. All notes are hyperlinked in both directions. In dialogue, a link from a speaker’s name usually indicates that the note applies to the entire line or group of lines. The Quarto text is provided separately, after all Notes.

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Line numbers—shown in the right margin and used for all notes—are from the original text. In prose passages, the exact line counts will depend on your browser settings and will likely be different from the displayed numbers. Stage directions were not included in the line numbering.

Introduction
Standard Text (folios and later)
Text of First Quarto

Introduction
__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ (folios and beyond)
__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_2__

THE WORKS

OF

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

EDITED BY

WILLIAM GEORGE CLARK, M.A.

FELLOW AND TUTOR OF TRINITY COLLEGE, AND PUBLIC ORATOR
IN THE UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE;

and JOHN GLOVER, M.A.

LIBRARIAN OF TRINITY COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE.

VOLUME I.

Cambridge & London:
MACMILLAN & CO.
1863.

	Introduction Introduction
	The Merry Wives of Windsor The Merry Wives of Windsor
	Dramatis Personæ
Act I	Scene 1	Windsor. Before Page’s house.
	Scene 2	The same.
	Scene 3	A room in the Garter Inn.
	Scene 4	A room in Doctor Caius’s house.
Act II	Scene 1	Before Page’s house.
	Scene 2	A room in the Garter Inn.
	Scene 3	A field near Windsor.
Act III	Scene 1	A field near Frogmore.
	Scene 2	The street, in Windsor.
	Scene 3	A room in Ford’s house.
	Scene 4	A room in Page’s house.
	Scene 5	A room in the Garter Inn.
Act IV	Scene 1	A street.
	Scene 2	A room in Ford’s house.
	Scene 3	A room in the Garter Inn.
	Scene 4	A room in Ford’s house.
	Scene 5	A room in the Garter Inn.
	Scene 6	The same. Another room in the Garter Inn.
Act V	Scene 1	A room in the Garter Inn.
	Scene 2	Windsor Park.
	Scene 3	A street leading to the Park.
	Scene 4	Windsor Park.
	Scene 5	Another part of the Park.
	Notes
	Critical Apparatus (“Linenotes”) for main text __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ (“Linenotes”) for main text
	A Pleasant Conceited Comedy of Syr John Falstaffe, &c. (The Merry Wives of Windsor, First Quarto text) A Pleasant Conceited Comedy of Syr John Falstaffe, &c. (The Merry Wives of Windsor, First Quarto text)
	Critical Apparatus (“Linenotes”) for Quarto text __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ (“Linenotes”) for Quarto text
	Texts Used (from general preface) __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ (from general preface)

161

THE

MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.

163

Besides the copies of the Merry Wives of Windsor appearing in the folios and modern editions, a quarto, Q₃, has been collated in these Notes, of which the following is the title:

In addition the copies of the Merry Wives of Windsor appearing in the folios and modern editions, a quarto, Q₃, has been reviewed in these Notes, of which the following is the title:

Q₁ and Q₂ are editions of an early sketch of the same play. The variations between the text of these quartos and the received text are so great that collation cannot be attempted. The text printed at the end of the play is taken literatim from Q₁, the edition of 1602, of which a copy is preserved among Capell’s Shakespeariana, and this text is collated verbatim with Q₂, the second quarto printed in 1619. Q₁ was reprinted in 1842 for the Shakespeare Society by Mr J. O. Halliwell. This text, which differs in one or two places from Capell’s Q₁, has also been collated. Q₂ is given among Twenty of the Plays of Shakespeare, edited by Steevens. Their titles are as follows:

Q₁ and Q₂ are versions of an early draft of the same play. The differences between the text of these quartos and the accepted text are so significant that a comparison can't be made. The text printed at the end of the play is taken literatim from Q₁, the 1602 edition, which has a copy preserved among Capell’s Shakespearean, and this text is compared verbatim with Q₂, the second quarto published in 1619. Q₁ was reprinted in 1842 for the Shakespeare Society by Mr. J. O. Halliwell. This text, which differs in one or two places from Capell’s Q₁, has also been compared. Q₂ is included in Twenty Shakespeare Plays, edited by Steevens. Their titles are as follows:

[This consists of 7 Quires of 4. In the Quire G one line, which we have included in brackets, has been cut away by the binder. We have supplied it from Halliwell’s edition and Q₂.]

[This consists of 7 Quires of 4. In Quire G, one line, which we have included in brackets, has been cut away by the binder. We have supplied it from Halliwell’s edition and Q₂.]

164

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.1

Sir John Falstaff.

Fenton, a gentleman.

Shallow, a country justice.

Shallow, a country judge.

Slender, cousin to Shallow.

Slender, cousin of Shallow.

Ford,	two gentlemen dwelling at Windsor.
Page,

William Page, a boy, son to Page.

William Page, a boy, son of Page.

Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh parson.

Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh priest.

Doctor Caius, a French physician.

Doctor Caius, a French doctor.

Host of the Garter Inn.

Bardolph,	sharpers attending on Falstaff.
Pistol,
Nym,

Robin, page to Falstaff.

Robin, Falstaff's page.

Simple, servant to Slender.

Rugby, servant to Doctor Caius.

Rugby, assistant to Doctor Caius.

Mistress Ford.

Ms. Ford.

Mistress Page.

Ms. Page.

Anne Page, her daughter.

Anne Page, her kid.

Mistress Quickly, servant to Doctor Caius.

Servants to Page, Ford, &c.

Staff for Page, Ford, etc.

Scene—Windsor, and the neighbourhood.

1. Not in Qq Ff. Inserted by Rowe.

1. Not in Qq Ff. Added by Rowe.

165

THE

MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.

ACT I.

I. 1 Scene 1. Windsor. Before Page’s house.

Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.

Shal. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

Shall. Sir Hugh, don't try to convince me otherwise; I will take it to the Star Chamber: even if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he will not disrespect Robert Shallow, esquire.

Slen. In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace 5 and ‘Coram.’

Sleek. In Gloucester County, justice of the peace 5 and ‘Coram.’

Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalorum.’

Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__.’

Slen. Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’

Slen. Yeah, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman by birth, master parson; who refers to himself as ‘Armiger’ in any bill, warrant, receipt, or agreement, ‘Armiger.’

10 Shal. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred years.

10 Shall. Yeah, that I does; and has been doing it for the last three hundred years.

Slen. All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may 15 give the dozen white luces in their coat.

Sleek. All his predecessors have failed to do it; and all his descendants that come after him might: they might 15 show the twelve white luces on their coat.

Shal. It is an old coat.

It's an old coat.

Evans. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.

Evans. The dozen white lice do blend nicely with an old coat; it suits well, passing by; it's a familiar creature to mankind and represents love.

166

Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an 20 old coat.

Shall. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an 20 old coat.

Slen. I may quarter, coz.

I might stay over, cousin.

Shal. You may, by marrying.

You can, by getting married.

Evans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

Evans. It is marring really, if he divides it.

Shal. Not a whit.

Not at all.

I. 1.
25 Evans. Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and 30 compremises between you.

I. 1. 25 Evans. Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, that leaves you with only three skirts for yourself, in my simple opinion: but that's irrelevant. If Sir John Falstaff has done you any wrong unto, I'm part of the church, and I’d be happy to help make amends and 30 compremises between you.

Shal. The council shall hear it; it is a riot.

Shall. The council will hear it; it’s a riot.

Evans. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your 35 vizaments in that.

Evans. It’s not appropriate for the council hear a riot; there’s no fear of God in a riot: the council, you see, should want to hear about the fear of God, not about a riot; take your 35 clarifications on that.

Shal. Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

Shall. Ha! Oh my life, if I were young again, the sword would be the way to end it.

Evans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure 40 prings goot discretions with it:—there is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.

Evans. It’s better when friends are like a sword, and and it ends there: and there’s also another idea in my mind that maybe brings goot discretion with it:—there’s Anne Page, who is the daughter of Master Thomas Page, and she’s quite a pretty girl.

Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.

Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and talks small like a woman.

45 Evans. It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we 167 I. 1.
50 leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

45 Evans. It’s that very person for all the orld, just as you’d want; and seven hundred pounds in money, along with gold and silver, is her grandfather's on his deathbed (May God grant him a joyful resurrection!) to be given when she reaches seventeen years old: it would be a goot motion if we 167 I. 1.
50 set aside our trivial arguments and arrange a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

Slen. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

Slen. Did her grandfather leave her seven hundred pounds?

Evans. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

Evans. Yeah, and her father is making her a better deal.

Slen. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good 55 gifts.

Slen. I know the young lady; she has great talents.

Evans. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

Evans. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities are great gifts.

Shal. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

Shall. Well, let's check on good old Master Page. Is Falstaff around?

60 Evans. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page. [Knocks] What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

60 Evans. Should I tell you a lie? I really can't stand a liar just like I can't stand someone who's false or untrue. The knight, Sir John, is there; and I ask you to listen to your well-willers. I will knock on the door for Master Page. [Knocks] What, hey! God bless your house here!

65 Page. [Within] Who’s there?

Who's there?

Enter Page.

Evans. Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.

Evans. Here is Got’s place, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, who might tell you another story if things go the way you want.

70 Page. I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

70 Page. I'm happy to see your worships doing well. Thank you for the venison, Master Shallow.

Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I I. 1.
75 thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

Shall. Master Page, it’s great to see you; I appreciate your kind heart! I hoped your venison was better; it wasn’t killed well. How is the lovely Mistress Page?—you’re always in my thoughts, truly!

Page. Sir, I thank you.

Thanks, Sir.

Shal. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

Shall. Sir, I thank you; yes and no, I do.

Page. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

Page. I'm happy to see you, good Master Slender.

168

Slen. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard 80 say he was outrun on Cotsall.

Sleek. How’s your lazy greyhound doing, sir? I heard he got outrun on Cotsall.

Page. It could not be judged, sir.

Page. It couldn't be judged, sir.

Slen. You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

Slen. You won't admit it, you won't admit it.

Shal. That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your fault; ’tis a good dog.

Shal. He won't. It's your fault, it's your fault; he's a good dog.

85 Page. A cur, sir.

A mutt, sir.

Shal. Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

Shout. Sir, he’s a good dog and a decent dog: can you say more? He is good and decent. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

Page. Sir, he's inside; and I wish I could help you out.

90 Evans. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

90 Evans. It's spoken the way Christians should speak.

Shal. He hath wronged me, Master Page.

Shall. He has wronged me, Master Page.

Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

Page. Sir, he does somewhat admit it.

Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath; 95 at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

Shal. If it’s admitted, it’s not fixed: isn’t that right, Master Page? He has wronged me; he really has; 95 to put it simply, he has, believe me: Robert Shallow, esquire, says he is wronged.

Page. Here comes Sir John.

Here comes Sir John.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Handgun.

Fal. Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the king?

Fal. Now, Master Shallow, are you really going to complain about me to the king?

I. 1.
100 Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.

I. 1.
100 Shall. Knight, you have defeated my men, killed my deer, and broken into my lodge.

Fal. But not kissed your keeper’s daughter?

Fal. But you haven't kissed your keeper’s daughter?

Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

Shall. Come on, it's just a little thing! This will be dealt with.

Fal. I will answer it straight; I have done all this.

Fal. I'll be upfront; I've done all of this.

105 That is now answered.

That question is now answered.

Shal. The council shall know this.

The __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ will know this.

Fal. ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed at.

Fal. It would be better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed at.

169

Evans. Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

Evans. Few words, Sir John; good wishes.

110 Fal. Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head: what matter have you against me?

110 Fal. Good veggies! good cabbage. Slender, I smashed your head: what do you have against me?

Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.

Slen. Honestly, sir, I have something on my mind about you; and about your con artists, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.

115 Bard. You Banbury cheese!

You Banbury cheese!

Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Slen. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Pist. How now, Mephostophilus!

Pist. What's up, Mephostophilus!

Slen. Ay, it is no matter.

Slen. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that’s my 120 humour.

Nym. Slice, I say! a little, a little: slice! that’s my 120 sense of humor.

Slen. Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

Sleek. Where's Simple, my dude? Can you tell me, cousin?

Evans. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; I. 1.
125 that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

Evans. Calm down, please. Now let’s get this straight. There are three referees in this situation, as I see it; I. 1.
125 that is, Master Page, specifically Master Page; and there’s myself, specifically me; and the three party is, lastly and finally, the host of the Garter.

Page. We three, to hear it and end it between them.

Page. We three, to hear it and settle it between them.

Evans. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my 130 note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

Evans. Very good: I will make a brief note of it in my 130 notebook; and we will afterward work on the case with as much discreetly as we can.

Fal. Pistol!

Pistol!

Pist. He hears with ears.

He hears with his ears.

Evans. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, ’He 135 hears with ear’? why, it is affectations.

Evans. The devil and his crew! What does the phrase, 'He hears with ear' mean? It's just pretentious nonsense. 135

Fal. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

Fal. Pistol, did you grab Master Slender’s wallet?

Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, 140 that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

Slen. Yes, by these gloves, he did, or I wish I’d never step into my own big room again, otherwise, of seven groats in sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, 140 that cost me two shillings and two pence each from Yead Miller, by these gloves.

Fal. Is this true, Pistol?

Is this true, Pistol?

170

Evans. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

Evans. No; it's not true if it's a pickpocket.

145 Pist. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and master mine,

145 Pistol. Ha, you mountain-dweller! Sir John and my master,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.

I tackle the challenge of this latten bilbo.

Word of denial in thy labras here!

Word of denial in __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__!

Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

Word of denial: froth and scum, you lie!

Slen. By these gloves, then, ’twas he.

Sleek. By these gloves, it was him.

I. 1.
150 Nym. Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say ‘marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me; that is the very note of it.

I. 1.
150 Nym. Be avised, man, and keep a good attitude: I’ll say ‘sure thing’ with you if you pull the nuthook’s humour on me; that’s exactly the point.

Slen. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me 155 drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

Sleek. So, with this hat, he had it with the red face; because even though I can't recall what I did when you got me 155 drunk, I'm not completely clueless.

Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John?

Fal. What do you think, Scarlet and John?

Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

Poet. Well, sir, I think the guy has drunkenly exhausted his five sentences.

Evans. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

Evans. It's his five senses: wow, what ignorance!

160 Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires.

160 Chatbot. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, fired; and so conclusions passed the careires.

Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter: I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, 165 I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

Slen. Yeah, you were speaking Latin back then too; but it doesn’t matter: I’ll never get drunk again while I live, except in good, decent, godly company, for this reason: if I do get drunk, 165 I’ll be drunk with people who fear God, not with drunken fools.

Evans. So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

Evans. So judge me, for that is a virtuous mind.

Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

Fal. You all hear these things being denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

Enter Anne Page, with wine; Ms. Ford and Madam Page, following.

170 Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within.

170 Page. No, daughter, bring the wine inside; we’ll drink in here.

Exit Anne Page.

171

Slen. O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

Sleek. Oh my gosh! This is Ms. Anne Page.

Page. How now, Mistress Ford!

Hey there, Mistress Ford!

Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well I. 1.
175 met: by your leave, good mistress. Kisses her.

Fal. Mistress Ford, I swear, it’s great to see you: I. 1.
175 If you don’t mind me saying, good mistress. Kisses her.

Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

Page. Wife, please welcome these gentlemen. Come on, we have a hot venison pie for dinner: come on, gentlemen, I hope we can drink away all bad feelings.

Exeunt all except Shal., Slen., and Evans.

Slen. I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book 180 of Songs and Sonnets here.

Slen. I would prefer to have my Book of Songs and Sonnets here rather than forty shillings. 180

Enter Basic.

How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?

How's it going, Simple! Where have you been? I guess I have to wait on myself, right? You don't have the Book of Riddles with you, do you?

Sim. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to 185 Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?

Yep. Book of Riddles! Didn’t you lend it to 185 Alice Shortcake on Halloween last year, two weeks before Michaelmas?

Shal. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do 190 you understand me?

Shall. Come on, cousin; we're waiting for you. I need to talk to you, cousin; well, this, coz: there is, in a way, a gentle, sort of gentle, connection from a distance here by Sir Hugh. Do 190 you get what I'm saying?

Slen. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, I shall do that that is reason.

Slen. Yeah, sir, you’ll find me reasonable; if that’s the case, I’ll do that that is reason.

Shal. Nay, but understand me.

Shal. No, but hear me out.

Slen. So I do, sir.

Slen. I do, sir.

195 Evans. Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

195 Evans. Listen to what he’s doing, Master Slender: I’ll explain the situation to you, if you’re able to understand it.

Slen. Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

Slen. No, I will do what my cousin Shallow says: please forgive me; he’s a justice of the peace in his area, even though I seem foolish standing here.

I. 1.
200 Evans. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.

I. 1.
200 Evans. But that's not the issue: the issue is about your marriage.

Shal. Ay, there’s the point, sir.

Shal. Yeah, that's the point, sir.

Evans. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

Evans. Yeah, that’s right; that’s exactly it; to Mistress Anne Page.

172

205 Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.

205 Slick. Well, if that's the case, I'm ready to marry her on any reasonable terms.

Evans. But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. 210 Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?

Evans. But can you love the woman? Let us find out what you say with your words or your lips; because various philosophers argue that the lips are part of the mouth. 210 So, specifically, can you carry your good intentions to the girl?

Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

Shall. Cousin Abraham Slender, do you love her?

Slen. I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.

Slen. I hope, sir, I will act in a way that makes sense for someone who is being reasonable.

215 Evans. Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

215 Evans. No way, God's lords and ladies! You need to be clear if you can carry her your feelings for her.

Shal. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

Shall. You sure will. Will you marry her if the dowry is good?

220 Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

220 Slen. I’ll do something even bigger than that, just for you, cousin, if it makes sense.

Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

Shall. No, hear me out, dear cousin: what I'm doing is for your enjoyment, cousin. Can you love the girl?

Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there I. 1.
225 be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, ‘Marry her,’ I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

Sleek. I’ll marry her, sir, if that’s what you want. But if there’s not a lot of love at first, maybe it’ll grow as we get to know each other better after we’re married. I hope that familiarity will make our love stronger. But if you tell me, ‘Marry her,’ then I will marry her; I’m completely okay with it.

230 Evans. It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in the ort ‘dissolutely:’ the ort is, according to our meaning, ‘resolutely:’ his meaning is good.

230 Evans. It's a very thoughtful answer; except that the fall is in the context of 'dissolutely:' the context is, according to our understanding, 'resolutely:' his intention is good.

Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

Shall. Yeah, I think my cousin had good intentions.

Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

Sleek. Yeah, or else I guess I could be hanged, lol!

235 Shal. Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

Here comes beautiful Mistress Anne.

173

Re-enter Anne Page.

Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

I wish I were young for you, Mistress Anne!

Anne. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships’ company.

Anne. Dinner is ready; my dad would like you to join us.

Shal. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

Shall. I'll wait for him, lovely Mistress Anne.

240 Evans. Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

240 Evans. Oh, thank goodness! I will not miss the blessing.

Exeunt Shallow and Evans.

Shallow and Evans exit.

Anne. Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?

Anne. Would you like to come in, sir?

Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

Slen. No, thank you very much; I'm doing just fine.

245 Anne. The dinner attends you, sir.

Dinner is served, sir.

Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow. [Exit Simple.] A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his friend for a man. I keep but I. 1.
250 three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born.

Sleek. I’m not hungry, thank you. Go on, servant, even though you’re my man, go attend to my cousin Shallow. [Exit Simple.] A justice of the peace can sometimes be beholding to his friend for a guy. I only keep I. 1.
250 three men and a boy for now, until my mother passes away: but so what? I still live like a poor gentleman by birth.

Anne. I may not go in without your worship: they will not sit till you come.

Anne. I can’t go in without you: they won’t start until you arrive.

Slen. I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing; I thank you as much as 255 though I did.

Slen. Honestly, I won't eat anything; I appreciate it as if I did. 255

Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in.

Anne. Please, come in, sir.

Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th’ other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a dish of stewed 260 prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i’ the town?

Sleek. I’d prefer to walk here, thank you. I banged my shin the other day while fencing with a fencing master; three bouts for a plate of stewed prunes; and honestly, I can't stand the smell of hot meat since then. Why are your dogs barking so? Are there bears in town?

Anne. I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

Anne. I believe there are, sir; I heard them being discussed.

Slen. I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel 265 at it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?

Sick. I really enjoy the sport; however, I could easily argue about it just like any man in England. You’re scared of the bear being loose, aren’t you? 265

Anne. Ay, indeed, sir.

Sure thing, sir.

Slen. That’s meat and drink to me, now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the 270 chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so cried and 174 shrieked at it, that it passed: but women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.

Sleek. That’s my bread and butter now. I've seen Sackerson let loose twenty times, and I’ve grabbed him by the 270 chain; but, I promise you, the women have screamed and 174 shouted so much about it that it worked out fine: but women really can’t stand them; they are just ugly, rough animals.

Re-enter Page.

Page. Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.

Page. Come on, nice Master Slender, we're waiting for you.

I. 1.
275 Slen. I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ no thanks, sir.

Page. By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.

Page. By God, you’re not choosing, sir! Come on.

Slen. Nay, pray you, lead the way.

Slen. No, please, you go first.

Page. Come on, sir.

Page. Come on, man.

280 Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.

280 Slen. Miss Anne, you should go first.

Anne. Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.

Anne. Not me, sir; please, go ahead.

Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.

Slen. Honestly, I won't go first; really, no way! I won't do you that wrong.

Anne. I pray you, sir.

Anne. Please, sir.

285 Slen. I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

285 Sleek. I’d rather be rude than a pain. You're really doing yourself a disservice, honestly!

Exeunt.

Exit.

I. 2 Scene 2. The same.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Basic.

Evans. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius’ house which is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.

Evans. Go ahead and ask for directions to Doctor Caius' place: there lives a woman named Mistress Quickly, who is like his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry person, his washer, and his wringer.

5 Sim. Well, sir.

Sure, sir.

Evans. Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it is a ’oman that altogether’s acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master’s desires to Mistress Anne Page. I 10 pray you, be gone: I will make an end of my dinner; there’s pippins and cheese to come.

Evans. No, it's even better. Give her this letter; it's from a woman who knows Mistress Anne Page really well. The letter asks her to help your master’s wishes regarding Mistress Anne Page. I 10 ask you, please leave: I want to finish my dinner; there are apples and cheese coming.

Exeunt.

Exit.

175

I. 3 Scene 3. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Robin.

Fal. Mine host of the Garter!

Fal. Owner of the Garter!

Host. What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.

Host. What does my bully-rook say? Speak knowledgeably and wisely.

Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my 5 followers.

Fal. Honestly, my friend, I have to let go of some of my 5 followers.

Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

Host. Forget it, tough guy Hercules; get rid of it: let them talk; move along, move along.

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week.

Fal. I earn ten pounds a week.

Host. Thou’rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. 10 I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector?

Host. You're an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. 10 I'll keep Bardolph entertained; he shall draw, he shall tap: did I say that right, buddy Hector?

Fal. Do so, good mine host.

Do it, good host.

Host. I have spoke; let him follow. [To Bard.] Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow. Exit.

Host. I've spoken; let him come. [To Bard.] Let me see thee froth and lime: I'm ready; follow. Log out.

15 Fal. Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.

15 Fal. Bardolph, go after him. Being a bartender is a respectable job: an old coat can become a new jacket; a worn-out servant can become a lively bartender. Alright, goodbye.

Bard. It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.

Poet. It’s a life I’ve always wanted: I will succeed.

Pist. O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot 20 wield?

Pistol. Oh, worthless Hungarian coward! Will you handle the spigot 20 ?

Exit Bardolph.

Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?

Nym. He was drunk: isn’t that the mood conceited?

Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful I. 3.
25 singer; he kept not time.

Fal. I'm glad I'm so acquit of this tinder-box: his thefts were too obvious; his stealing was like a poor singer; he couldn't keep the rhythm. I. 3.
25

Nym. The good humour is to steal at a minute’s rest.

Nym. The good humor is to steal at a minute’s rest.

Pist. ‘Convey,’ the wise it call. ‘Steal!’ foh! a fico for the phrase!

Pistachio. "Communicate," the wise say. "Steal!" Ugh! What a silly phrase!

176

Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

Fal. Well, gentlemen, I'm almost out of luck.

30 Pist. Why, then, let kibes ensue.

Why, then, let calluses happen.

Fal. There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.

Fal. There’s no solution; I have to cony-catch; I have to adapt.

Pist. Young ravens must have food.

Young ravens need food.

Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town?

Fal. Which of you knows Ford from this town?

35 Pist. I ken the wight: he is of substance good.

35 Pistachio. I know the guy: he’s got some good qualities.

Fal. My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

Fal. My honest friends, I’m going to tell you what I’m up to.

Pist. Two yards, and more.

Two yards, and counting.

Fal. No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am 40 about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford’s wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is, ‘I am Sir John Falstaff’s.’

Fal. No jokes right now, Pistol! Honestly, I'm two yards around the waist; but I'm not here for any wasteful stuff; I’m here to save. To be brief, I plan to flirt with Ford’s wife: I see potential in her; she talks, she carves, she gives that inviting look: I can read her familiar actions; and the clearest message from her behavior, if translated correctly, is, ‘I belong to Sir John Falstaff.’

45 Pist. He hath studied her will, and translated her will, out of honesty into English.

45 Pist. He has studied her will, and translated her will, honestly translated into English.

Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?

Nym. The anchor is deep: will that joke hold up?

Fal. Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband’s purse: he hath a legion of angels.

Fal. Now, the word is that she controls all of her husband’s money: he has a legion of angels.

I. 3.
50 Pist. As many devils entertain; and ‘To her, boy,’ say I.

I. 3.
50 Pistachio. So many demons entertain; and ‘To her, boy,’ I say.

Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.

Nym. The humor is coming through; it's great: make me laugh, angels.

Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me good eyes 55 too, examined my parts with most judicious œillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.

Fal. I've written a letter to her and another one to Page's wife, who just now looked at me with interest. She examined me closely, sometimes looking at my foot, and other times at my impressive belly.

Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

Pistachio. Then the sun shone on the dung heap.

177

Nym. I thank thee for that humour.

Thanks for the joke.

60 Fal. O, she did so course o’er my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here’s another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to them both, and 65 they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

60 Fal. Oh, she was all over me with such eager intent that her gaze felt like it was burning me up like a magnifying glass! Here’s another letter for her; she holds the money too; she’s like a land in Guiana, full of gold and riches. I will be cheaters to both of them, and 65 they will be my treasure chests; they will be my East and West Indies, and I will trade with both of them. Go take this letter to Mistress Page; and this one to Mistress Ford: we will succeed, guys, we will succeed.

Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,

Pistol. Should I become Sir Pandarus of Troy?

70 And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!

70 And by my side wear steel? Then, to hell with it all!

Nym. I will run no base humour: here, take the humour-letter: I will keep the haviour of reputation.

Nym. I won’t stoop to petty tricks: here, take the letter of humor: I’ll maintain my reputation.

Fal. [To Robin] Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;

Fal. [To Robin] Wait, my friend, can you take these letters tightly;

Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.

Sail like my small boat to these golden shores.

I. 3.
75 Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;

I. 3.
75 Scoundrels, away with you! Disappear like hailstones;

Trudge, plod away o’ the hoof; seek shelter, pack!

Trudge, plod away o’ the hoof; find shelter, pack!

Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,

Falstaff will __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ of __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_2__ age,

French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.

French thrift, you tricksters; me and my skirted page.

Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.

Pist. Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,

Pist. Let vultures tear you apart! For pumpkin and fullam holds,

80 And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:

80 And all around beguiles the rich and the poor:

Tester I’ll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,

Tester I’ll have in my pocket when you need it,

Base Phrygian Turk!

Nym. I have operations which be humours of revenge.

Nym. I have operations that are all about revenge.

Pist. Wilt thou revenge?

Pist. Will you take revenge?

85 Nym. By welkin and her star!

By the skies and her __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__!

178

Pist. With wit or steel?

Pist. With humor or strength?

Nym. With both the humours, I:

Nym. With both moods, I:

I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.

I will discuss the humor of this love to Page.

Pist. And I to Ford shall eke unfold

Pist. And I will also reveal __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__

90 How Falstaff, varlet vile,

How Falstaff, vile servant,

His dove will prove, his gold will hold,

And his soft couch defile.

And his soft couch is ruined.

Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for 95 the revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour.

Nym. My mood won't change: I'll get Page to handle poison; I'll fill him with yellowness, because 95 the the revolt of mine is risky: that's my true mood.

Pist. Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.

Pistachio. You are the Mars of those who are unhappy: I support you; let’s go.

Exeunt.

Exit.

I. 4 Scene 4. A room in Dr. Caius’s house.

Enter Mistress Quickly, Simpleton, and Rugby.

Quick. What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement, and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i’ faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God’s 5 patience and the king’s English.

Fast. What’s up, John Rugby! Please, go to the window and see if you can spot my boss, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he does, honestly, and finds anyone in the house, here will be an old messing with God’s patience and the king’s English. 5

Rug. I’ll go watch.

I'll go watch.

Quick. Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come 10 in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

Fast. Go, and we’ll have a warm drink ready tonight, I promise, by the end of a coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, helpful, kind guy, the best servant you could have; and I assure you, he's no gossip or troublemaker: his only flaw is that he tends to pray a lot; he can be a bit irritable about it: but everyone has their faults; let’s move on. Peter Simple, you say your name is?

Sim. Ay, for fault of a better.

Yep. Yeah, for lack of a better option.

15 Quick. And Master Slender’s your master?

And Master Slender is your boss?

Sim. Ay, forsooth.

Sure. Yes, definitely.

179

Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover’s paring-knife?

Fast. Doesn’t he have a big round beard, like a glover’s cutting knife?

Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with 20 a little yellow beard,—a Cain-coloured beard.

Yep. No, seriously: he has just a small wee face, with 20 a little yellow beard,—a Cain-colored beard.

Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

Fast. He's quite a lively guy, isn't he?

Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.

Yep. Yeah, truly: but he’s as tall a man as anyone around here; he’s fought with a gamekeeper.

I. 4.
25 Quick. How say you?—O, I should remember him: does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

I. 4.
25 Fast. What do you say?—Oh, I definitely remember him: doesn’t he carry himself with such pride and strut when he walks?

Sim. Yes, indeed, does he.

Yes, he does.

Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can 30 for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

Fast. Well, I hope Anne Page doesn't face any bad luck! Tell Master Parson Evans I'll do what I can 30 for your master: Anne is a great girl, and I wish—

Re-enter Rugby.

Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master.

Rug. Oh no! Here comes my master.

Quick. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet: he will not stay long. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] What, John Rugby! John! 35 what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home.

Fast. We’d better hurry. Come in here, you good young man; go into this closet: he won’t be long. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] What, John Rugby! John! 35 What, John, I’m calling you! Go, John, check on my master; I’m worried he’s not feeling well since he hasn’t come home.

[Singing] And down, down, adown-a, &c.

[Singing] And down, down, down-a, &c.

Enter Dr. Caius.

Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert,—a box, 40 a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

Caius. What are you singing? I don't like des toys. Please go and fetch me from my closet un boitier green— a box, 40 a green box: do you understand what I'm saying? a green box.

Quick. Ay, forsooth; I’ll fetch it you. [Aside] I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

Fast. Yeah, sure; I’ll get it for you. [Aside] I'm glad he didn't go by himself: if he had run into the young man, he would have lost it.

Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je 45 m’en vais à la cour,—la grande affaire.

Caius. Oh man, it's super hot. I'm heading to court—it's a big deal. 45

180

Quick. Is it this, sir?

Quick. Is this it, sir?

Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket: dépêche, quickly. Vere is dat knave Rugby?

Caius. Yes; put it in my pocket: dépêche, quickly. Where is that knave Rugby?

Quick. What, John Rugby! John!

Quick. What’s up, John Rugby! John!

I. 4.
50 Rug. Here, sir!

Here, sir!

Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

Caius. You’re John Rugby, and you’re Jack Rugby. Come on, take-a your rapier, and follow me to the court.

Rug. ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

Rug. It’s ready, sir, here in the entrance.

55 Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long. —Od’s me! Qu’ai-j’oublié! dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

55 Caius. By my troth, I’m staying too long. —Oh dear! What have I forgotten! There are some herbs in my closet that I wouldn’t leave for the world.

Quick. Ay me, he’ll find the young man there, and be mad!

Fast. Oh no, he’s going to find the young guy there and get angry!

60 Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier!

60 Caius. Oh hell, hell! What’s in my closet? Villain! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my sword!

Quick. Good master, be content.

Quick. Good master, be satisfied.

Caius. Wherefore shall I be content-a?

Caius. Why should __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I be content?

Quick. The young man is an honest man.

Fast. The young man is a straight-up guy.

65 Caius. What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

65 Caius. What should an honest man do in my room? There’s no honest man that would come into my room.

Quick. I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

Fast. Please, don't be so apathetic. Listen to the truth: he came to me on an errand from Parson Hugh.

Caius. Vell.

Vell.

70 Sim. Ay, forsooth; to desire her to—

70 Yes. Yeah, truly; to ask her to—

Quick. Peace, I pray you.

Peace, I hope you find.

Caius. Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.

Be quiet. Share your story.

Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my I. 4.
75 master in the way of marriage.

Yep. I’d like to ask this honest woman, your maid, to put in a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my I. 4.
75 master regarding marriage.

Quick. This is all, indeed, la! but I’ll ne’er put my finger in the fire, and need not.

Fast. This is all, really! But I’ll never put my finger in the fire, and I don’t have to.

Caius. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper. Tarry you a little-a while. Writes.

Caius. Did Sir Hugh send you? Rugby, baille bring me some paper. Wait a bit. Writing.

181

80 Quick. [Aside to Simple] I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do you your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,—I 85 may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself,—

80 Quick. [Aside to Simple] I'm glad he's so quiet: if he had been really upset, you would have heard him loud and sad. But anyway, man, I’ll do you your master whatever good I can: and the simple truth is, the French doctor, my master,—I 85 can call him my master, you see, because I run his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, clean, prepare food and drink, make the beds, and do everything by myself,—

Sim. [Aside to Quickly] ’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.

Yep. [Aside to Quickly] It’s a big responsibility to be under one person's control.

90 Quick. [Aside to Simple] Are you avised o’ that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late;—but notwithstanding,—to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it,—my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know 95 Anne’s mind,—that’s neither here nor there.

90 Fast. [Aside to Simple] Are you aware of that? It will be a heavy responsibility: getting up early and staying out late;—but anyway,—just so you know; I wouldn’t want to talk about it,—my boss is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but despite that, I know Anne’s feelings,—that’s neither here nor there.

Caius. You jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good you tarry here. —By I. 4.
100 gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.

Caius. You idiot, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; I swear, it's a challenge: I will will cut his throat in the park; and I will will teach a disgraceful little priest to stay out of it. You should leave; it's not safe for you to stay here. —By I. 4.
100 I swear, I will will cut off both his stones; I swear, he won't have a stone to throw throw at his dog.

Exit Simple.

Exit Easy.

Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

Fast. Unfortunately, he only speaks for his friend.

Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat:—do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself?—By gar, I vill 105 kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon:—By gar, I will myself have Anne Page.

Caius. It doesn't matter—a ver date:—don’t tell me that I won’t have Anne Page for myself?—By gosh, I’ll 105 kill that priest; and I’ve asked the innkeeper of de Jarteer to measure our weapon:—By gosh, I will have Anne Page for myself.

Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

Fast. Sir, the maid loves you, and everything will be fine. We need to let people talk: what, the good-jer!

110 Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

110 Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. Seriously, if I don’t get Anne Page, I’ll kick you out of my house. Stay close, Rugby.

Exeunt Caius and Rugby.

Caius and Rugby exit.

182

Quick. You shall have An fool’s-head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for that: never a woman in 115 Windsor knows more of Anne’s mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.

Fast. You'll have your own foolish ideas. No, I know what Anne thinks about that: there’s not a woman in 115 Windsor who knows more about Anne’s thoughts than I do; nor can do more with her than I can, thank goodness.

Fent. [Within] Who’s within there? ho!

Fent. [Inside] Who's in there? Hey!

Quick. Who’s there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.

Fast. Who’s there, I wonder? Come closer to the house, please.

Enter Fenton.

120 Fent. How now, good woman! how dost thou?

120 Fentanyl. Hey there, good woman! How are you?

Quick. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

Fast. The more it pleases you to ask, your good sir.

Fen. What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

Fen. What's the latest? How is lovely Mistress Anne?

Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and I. 4.
125 gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.

Fast. Honestly, sir, she’s attractive, trustworthy, and kind; and she’s someone who is your friend, just so you know; I thank heaven for that. I. 4.
125

Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?

Fentanyl. Do you think I’ll do any good? Am I going to lose my case?

Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, 130 Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

Fast. Honestly, sir, everything is in his hands above: but still, 130 Master Fenton, I swear on a book, she loves you. Don't you have a wart above on your eye?

Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

Fent. Yes, I've gotten married; __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__?

Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale:—good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever 135 broke bread:—we had an hour’s talk of that wart. —I shall never laugh but in that maid’s company!—But, indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing: but for you—well, go to.

Fast. Well, there's a story behind that: honestly, she's just like Nan; but I really can't stand her, an honest girl who ever broke bread:—we talked for an hour about that wart. —I won’t ever laugh unless I’m with that girl!—But, she does tend to be a bit too moody and lost in thought: but as for you—well, go on.

Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there’s 140 money for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me.

Fentanyl. Well, I will see her today. Wait, here’s 140 some money for you; please speak on my behalf. If you see her before I do, please send my regards.

Quick. Will I? i’ faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.

Fast. Will I? I swear, that we will; and I'll share more about the wart with you next time we trust each other; and about other suitors.

145 Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.

145 Fentanyl. Well, goodbye; I’m in a big hurry right now.

183

Quick. Farewell to your worship. [Exit Fenton.] Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does. —Out upon’t! what have I forgot? Exit.

Fast. Goodbye, your worship. [Exit Fenton.] Honestly, he’s a good guy: but Anne doesn’t care for him; I know exactly what Anne thinks, just like anyone else. —Ugh! What did I forget? Log out.

ACT II.

II. 1 Scene 1. Before Page’s house.

Enter Ms. Page, with a letter.

Mrs Page. What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. Reads:

Mrs. Page. What, have I escaped love letters during the prime of my beauty, and am I now someone they write to? Let me see. Reads:

‘Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason 5 for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to, then, there’s sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there’s more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,—at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,—that 10 I love thee. I will not say, pity me,—’tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love me. By me,

‘Don’t ask me why I love you; even though Love uses Reason for his physician, he doesn’t let him be his advisor. You’re not young, and neither am I; so there’s common ground: you’re cheerful, and so am I; ha, ha! more common ground: you enjoy sack, and so do I; would you want better common ground? Let it be enough for you, Mistress Page,—at the least, if the love of soldier is good enough,—that I love you. I won’t say, pity me,—that’s not the soldierly thing to say; but I say, love me. By me,

Thine own true knight,

Your own true knight,

By day or night,

Anytime

Or any kind of light,

Or any type of light,

15 With all his might

With all his strength

For thee to fight, John Falstaff.’

For you to fight, John Falstaff.

What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath 20 this Flemish drunkard picked—with the devil’s name!—out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What should I say to him? I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the 184 II. 1.
25 parliament for the putting down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

What a disgrace to the Jewish people this is! Oh, what a wicked, wicked world! Here’s someone who is practically falling apart from old age trying to act like a young man! What careless behavior has this drunken fool picked up from my conversation, that he thinks he can challenge me like this? He’s hardly spent any time in my company! What can I possibly say to him? I was careful not to show too much joy: God forgive me! I’ll file a complaint in the 184 II. 1.
25 parliament for the putting downfall of men. How should I get my revenge on him? Because I will get my revenge, as sure as his insides are made of pudding.

Enter Ms. Ford.

Mrs Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.

Mrs. Ford. Ms. Page! Honestly, I was on my way to your house.

30 Mrs Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill.

30 Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look really unwell.

Mrs Ford. Nay, I’ll ne’er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.

Ms. Ford. No way, I’ll never believe that; I have to prove otherwise.

Mrs Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind.

Ms. Page. Honestly, you really do, in my opinion.

35 Mrs Ford. Well, I do, then; yet, I say, I could show you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!

35 Ms. Ford. Well, I do, then; but I say I could prove you wrong. Oh, Mistress Page, please give me some advice!

Mrs Page. What’s the matter, woman?

What’s wrong, woman?

Mrs Ford. O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, 40 I could come to such honour!

Ms. Ford. Oh woman, if it weren't for one small thing, 40 I could achieve such honor!

Mrs Page. Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is it?—dispense with trifles;—what is it?

Mrs. Page. Forget the little things, woman! Focus on the honor. What is it?—let's skip the minor details;—what is it?

Mrs Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted.

Ms. Ford. If I could just go to hell for a brief moment, I could be knighted.

45 Mrs Page. What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

45 Ms. Page. What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights will hack; and so you shouldn’t change the principles of your nobility.

Mrs Ford. We burn daylight:—here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall think the worse of II. 1.
50 fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men’s liking: and yet he would not swear; praised women’s modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no 55 more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth 185 Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’ What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with 60 hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

Ms. Ford. We're wasting daylight—here, read this; see how I could be knighted. I’ll think less of fat men as long as I can tell how people like different things: and yet he wouldn’t swear; praised women's modesty; and he gave such proper and respectful criticism to all bad behavior that I would have sworn his character would align with his words; but they do no II. 1.
50 more stick together than the Hundredth 185 Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’ What storm, I wonder, brought this whale, with so much oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How will I get back at him? I think the best plan is to keep him hopeful until the wicked fire of lust has melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear anything like it?

Mrs Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here’s the twin-brother of thy letter: 65 but let thine inherit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names,—sure, more,—and these are of the second edition: he will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would 70 put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

Mrs. Page. It's the same letter, but the names Page and Ford are different! For your comfort in this confusing situation, here’s the twin-brother of your letter: 65 but let yours come first; I swear mine never will. I bet he has a thousand of these letters, written with blank spaces for different names,—sure, and more,—and these are from the second batch: he’ll definitely print them; he doesn’t care what he puts out there when he’s trying to include us both. 70 I would rather be a giantess and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty inappropriate guys before I find one decent man.

Mrs Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us?

Ms. Ford. Wow, this is exactly the same; the same handwriting, the same words. What does he think of us?

II. 1.
75 Mrs Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

II. 1.
75 Ms. Page. Well, I don't know: it almost makes me want to argue with my own honesty. I’ll act like someone I don’t know; because, really, unless he know some strain in me, that I’m not aware of, he would never have confronted me with this anger.

80 Mrs Ford. ‘Boarding,’ call you it? I’ll be sure to keep him above deck.

80 Ms. Ford. "You call it 'boarding'? I'll make sure to keep him above deck."

Mrs Page. So will I: if he come under my hatches, I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him: let’s appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his 85 suit, and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.

Ms. Page. I will too: if he comes into my space, I’ll never go to sea again. Let’s get back at him: let’s set up a meeting, give him a hint of comfort in his case, and draw him in with a well-timed delay until he’s pawned his horses to the innkeeper at the Garter.

Mrs Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give 90 eternal food to his jealousy.

Ms. Ford. No, I won't agree to do anything terrible to him that would compromise our integrity. Oh, if only my husband could see this letter! It would feed his jealousy forever. 90

186

Mrs Page. Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he’s as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

Mrs. Page. Look, here he comes, and my wonderful husband too: he’s as far from being jealous as I am from giving him a reason to be; and that, I hope, is an endless distance.

95 Mrs Ford. You are the happier woman.

You're the happier one.

Mrs Page. Let’s consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. They retire.

Mrs. Page. Let’s come together to talk about this sleazy knight. Come here. They are retiring.

Enter Ford, with Gun, and Page, with Nym.

Ford. Well, I hope it be not so.

Ford. Well, I hope that’s not the case.

Pist. Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:

Pistol. Hope is like a stubby dog in some situations:

II. 1.
100 Sir John affects thy wife.

II. 1.
100 Sir John is interested in your wife.

Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young.

Ford. Well, sir, my wife isn't young.

Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,

Pist. He charms everyone, from the wealthy to the struggling,

Both young and old, one with another, Ford;

Both young and old, one with each other, Ford;

He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.

He loves the mix of things: Ford, pay attention.

105 Ford. Love my wife!

Love my wife!

Pist. With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,

Pistachio. With a liver burning hot. Stop, or go ahead,

Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:

Like Sir Actæon he, with Ringwood at your heels:

O, odious is the name!

Oh, what an awful name!

Ford. What name, sir?

110 Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell.

The horn, I say. Goodbye.

Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night:

Take note; stay alert; because thieves walk around at night:

Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do sing.

Take notice before summer arrives or the cuckoo birds start singing.

Away, Sir Corporal Nym!—

Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. Exit.

Believe it, Page; he makes sense. Leave.

115 Ford. [Aside] I will be patient; I will find out this.

115 Ford. [Aside] I’ll be patient; I’ll figure this out.

Nym. [To Page] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He 187 120 loves your wife; there’s the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch; ’tis true: my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese [and there’s the humour of it]. Adieu. Exit.

Username. [To Page] And this is true; I don’t like the attitude of lying. He hath wronged me in some ways: I should have delivered the letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He 187 120 loves your wife; that’s the gist of it. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak, and I avouch; it’s true: my name is Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife. Goodbye. I don’t like the situation of bread and cheese [and there’s the humour of it]. Goodbye. Leave.

II. 1.
125 Page. ‘The humour of it,’ quoth ’a! here’s a fellow frights English out of his wits.

II. 1.
125 Page. "The funny thing is," he said, "here's a guy who scares English out of his his mind."

Ford. I will seek out Falstaff.

I’ll find Falstaff.

Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

I've never encountered such a __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ scammer.

Ford. If I do find it:—well.

Ford. If I find it:—well.

130 Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o’ the town commended him for a true man.

130 Page. I won't trust someone from Cataia, even if the local priest praised him as an honest man.

Ford. ’Twas a good sensible fellow:—well.

Ford. He was a good, sensible guy.

Page. How now, Meg!

Hey, Meg!

Mrs Page and Mrs Ford come forward.

Mrs Page. Whither go you, George? Hark you.

Ms. Page. Where are you going, George? Listen.

135 Mrs Ford. How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?

135 Ms. Ford. Hey there, sweet Frank! Why are you looking so down?

Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.

Ford. I'm feeling sad! I'm not sad. Just go home, okay?

Mrs Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy 140 head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page?

Mrs. Ford. Honestly, you have some strange ideas in your 140 head. Now, are you going, Mistress Page?

Mrs Page. Have with you. You’ll come to dinner, George? [Aside to Mrs Ford] Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.

Mrs. Page. Come on then. Will you join us for dinner, George? [Aside to Mrs Ford] Look who’s coming over there: she’ll be our messenger to this pathetic knight.

Mrs Ford. [Aside to Mrs Page] Trust me, I thought on 145 her: she’ll fit it.

Mrs. Ford. [Aside to Mrs Page] Trust me, I had her in mind: she’ll be a perfect match.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

Mrs Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne?

Mrs. Page. You’ve come to see my daughter Anne?

Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?

Fast. Yeah, for real; so, how is good Mistress Anne doing?

188

Mrs Page. Go in with us and see: we have an hour’s II. 1.
150 talk with you.

Mrs. Page. Come join us and see: we have talk for an hour with you. II. 1.
150

Exeunt Mrs Page, Mrs Ford, and Mrs Quickly.

Page. How now, Master Ford!

Hey there, Master Ford!

Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

Ford. You heard what this guy told me, right?

Page. Yes: and you heard what the other told me?

Page. Yeah: and did you hear what the other person told me?

Ford. Do you think there is truth in them?

Ford. Do you think there’s any truth in them?

155 Page. Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service.

155 Page. Hang them, slaves! I don’t believe the knight would suggest it: but those who accuse him of having bad intentions towards our wives are just a bunch of his former servants; complete scoundrels now that they’re out of work.

Ford. Were they his men?

Ford. Were they his guys?

160 Page. Marry, were they.

Married, were they.

Ford. I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter?

Ford. I don't like him any more because of that. Is he at the Garter?

Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and 165 what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

Page. Yes, he really does. If he plans to take a trip to see my wife, I would let her go to him; and 165 whatever he gets from her beyond just some harsh words, that's on me.

Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus 170 satisfied.

Ford. I don't doubt my wife, but I'd really hate to put them together. A man can be too sure of himself: I wouldn't want anything weighing on my conscience; I can't be satisfied like this. 170

Page. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.

Page. Look at where my chatty buddy from the Garter is coming from: he either has some drinks in him or cash in his wallet when he seems this happy.

Enter Host.

How now, mine host!

Hey there, my friend!

II. 1.
175 Host. How now, bully-rook! thou’rt a gentleman. Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

II. 1.
175 Host. What's up, tough guy! You're a gentleman. Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

Enter Surface-level.

Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go with us? we have sport in hand.

Shall. I’m coming, my host, I’m coming. Good evening and twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, are you joining us? We have some fun planned.

189

180 Host. Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.

180 Host. Let him know, cavaleiro-justice; let him know, tough guy.

Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

Shall. Sir, there is a fight about to happen between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

Ford. Good mine host o’ the Garter, a word with you. Drawing him aside.

Ford. Hey, good host of the Garter, can I have a word with you? Pulling him aside.

Host. What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

What do you say, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bully?

185 Shal. [To Page] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. They converse apart.

185 Shall. [To Page] Will you come with us to see it? My cheerful host hath measured their weapons, and I think he set them up in opposing spots because, trust me, I’ve heard the parson is not a joker. Listen, I’ll share what our fun will be. They chat privately.

Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my 190 guest-cavaleire?

Host. Do you have no complaint against my knight, my 190 guest-cavalier?

Ford. None, I protest: but I’ll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest.

Ford. No, I insist: but I’ll give you a bottle of burnt wine to help me reach him, and tell him my name is Brook; just for a laugh.

195 Host. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;—said I well?—and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

195 Host. My friend, don't worry; you can come and go as you please;—did I say that right?—and your name will be Brook. That's a cheerful knight. Are you coming along, An-heires?

Shal. Have with you, mine host.

Get ready, my friend.

Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in II. 1.
200 his rapier.

Page. I’ve heard that the Frenchman is skilled with his sword. II. 1.
200

Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: ’tis the heart, Master Page; ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would 205 have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Shall. Come on, sir, I could have shared more. Nowadays, you focus on distance, your moves, thrusts, and all that: it’s about the heart, Master Page; it’s right here, it’s right here. I’ve seen the time when I would have made you four tall guys jump around like rats with my long sword.

Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

Host. Hey, guys, over here! Shall we dance?

Page. Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight.

Page. I'd rather have them yell at me than argue.

Exeunt Host, Shal., and Page.

Exit Host, Shal., and Page.

Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so 210 firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion 190 so easily: she was in his company at Page’s house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into’t: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 215 ’tis labour well bestowed. Exit.

Ford. Although Page is an arrogant fool and stands so 210 confident in his wife’s frailty, I can’t easily shake my opinion 190 about this: she was with him at Page’s house, and I have no idea what they did there. Well, I will investigate further: I have a disguise to get the truth from Falstaff. If I find her to be honest, my efforts won’t be wasted; if she is not, 215 then it’s effort well spent. Leave.

II. 2 Scene 2. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Gun.

Fal. I will not lend thee a penny.

Fal. I'm not going to lend you a penny.

Pist. Why, then the world’s mine oyster,

Firearm. Then the world is my oyster,

Which I with sword will open.

Which I will __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ with a sword.

Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you 5 should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and 10 tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took’t upon mine honour thou hadst it not.

Fal. Not a penny. I've been alright with you using my face as collateral: I've gone to my good friends for three favors to get you and your coach-fellow Nym off the hook; otherwise, you would have been staring through the bars like a pair of monkeys. I'm definitely going to hell for swearing to my friends that you were good soldiers and solid guys; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took it upon myself to promise that you didn’t have it.

Pist. Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?

Pistachio. Didst not thou share? Didn't you have fifteen pence?

Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I’ll endanger 15 my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife and a throng!—To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go. You’ll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as 20 I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce 191 your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice II. 2.
25 phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you!

Fal. Listen, you scoundrel, think I’ll risk my soul for nothing? Just to be clear, don’t hang around me anymore; I’m not a target for you. Leave. A quick knife and a throng!—Head back to your home in Pickt-hatch! Go on. You won’t carry a message for me, you rogue! You pride yourself on your honor! Well, you miserable coward, it’s all I can do to keep the terms of my honour intact: I, I, I I have to manipulate sometimes, putting aside the fear of God and hiding my honor in desperation. I’m forced to shuffle, to hedge, and to dodge; and yet you, rogue, you’ll have to shelter your rags, your silly expressions, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths under the cover of your honor! You won’t do it, will you!

Pist. I do relent: what would thou more of man?

Pistol. I do relent: what would thou more of a man?

Enter Robin.

Rob. Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.

Rob. Sir, there's a woman who wants to talk to you.

Fal. Let her approach.

Let her come closer.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

30 Quick. Give your worship good morrow.

Good morning, your worship.

Fal. Good morrow, good wife.

Good morning, good wife.

Quick. Not so, an’t please your worship.

Fast. No, that's not it, if it pleases you, your honor.

Fal. Good maid, then.

Alright, maid, then.

Quick. I’ll be sworn;

35 As my mother was, the first hour I was born.

35 Like my mother was, during the first hour after I was born.

Fal. I do believe the swearer. What with me?

Fal. I really believe the person swearing. What about me?

Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

Fast. Can I offer you a word or two?

Fal. Two thousand, fair woman: and I’ll vouchsafe thee the hearing.

Fal. Two thousand, beautiful woman: and I’ll make sure you’re heard.

40 Quick. There is one Mistress Ford, sir:—I pray, come a little nearer this ways:—I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius,—

40 Fast. There’s a Mistress Ford, sir:—please come a little closer this way:—I live with Master Doctor Caius,—

Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,—

Well, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Ford, you say,—

Quick. Your worship says very true:—I pray your 45 worship, come a little nearer this ways.

Fast. Your honor is absolutely correct:—I ask you, 45 please come a little closer this way.

Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears;—mine own people, mine own people.

Fal. I promise you, nobody can hear us;—my own people, my own people.

Quick. Are they so? God bless them, and make them his servants!

Fast. Are they really? God bless them and make them his servants!

II. 2.
50 Fal. Well, Mistress Ford;—what of her?

II. 2.
50 Fal. So, Mistress Ford;—what about her?

Quick. Why, sir, she’s a good creature. —Lord, Lord! 192 your worship’s a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray!

Fast. Honestly, sir, she’s a good person. —Oh my goodness! 192 you’re quite the flirt! Well, I hope heaven forgives you and all of us, I pray!

Fal. Mistress Ford;—come, Mistress Ford,—

Mistress Ford;—come on, Mistress Ford,—

55 Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their 60 coaches; I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman’s heart; and, I 65 warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels—in any such sort, as they say—but in the way of honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; 70 but, I warrant you, all is one with her.

55 Fast. Honestly, this is the gist of it; you've brought her into such a scene, it’s amazing. The best courtier around, when the court was at Windsor, could never have gotten her into such a gathering. Yet there have been knights, lords, and gentlemen, with their 60 carriages; I swear, carriage after carriage, letter after letter, gift after gift; all smelling so sweetly, all musk, and rustling, I assure you, in silk and gold; and in such charming terms; and in such the finest wine and sugar, that could have won any woman’s heart; and I 65 promise you, they could never get even a glance from her: I myself received twenty angels this morning; but I reject all angels—in any way, as they say—but in the way of honesty: and I promise you, they could never get her to so much as share a drink with the proudest of them all: and yet there have been earls, and even more, retirees; 70 but, I assure you, it all means nothing to her.

Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury.

Fal. But what does she say to me? Be quick, my good female Mercury.

Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter; for the II. 2.
75 which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to notify, that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven.

Fast. Listen, she got your letter; for the II. 2.
75 which she thanks you a thousand times; and she wants you to know that her husband will be away from home between ten and eleven.

Fal. Ten and eleven.

Ten and eleven.

Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see 80 the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an ill life with him! he’s a very jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart.

Fast. Yes, indeed; and then you can come and see 80 the picture she mentioned: Master Ford, her husband, will be away from home. Oh, the poor woman has a tough time with him! He’s very jealous: she has a really difficult life with him, bless her heart.

Fal. Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; 85 I will not fail her.

Fal. Ten and eleven. Woman, please tell her I’m on her side; 85 I won’t let her down.

Quick. Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you, too: and let me tell you in your 193 ear, she’s as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell 90 you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe’er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have 95 charms, la; yes, in truth.

Fast. Why, you say that well. But I have another message for you. Mistress Page sends her warm regards to you, too: and let me tell you in your 193 ear, she’s a truly virtuous and modest woman, and I tell you, she never misses her morning or evening prayers, as any in Windsor does, no matter who else it is: and she asked me to tell you that her husband is rarely home; but she hopes that there will be a time. I’ve never seen a woman so devoted to a man: surely, I think you have 95 charms, indeed; yes, truly.

Fal. Not I, I assure thee: setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms.

Fal. Not me, I promise you: putting aside the appeal of my good qualities, I have no other appeal.

Quick. Blessing on your heart for’t!

Blessing on your heart for it!

Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford’s wife II. 2.
100 and Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?

Fal. But please, tell me this: have Ford’s wife II. 2.
100 and Page’s wife shared with each other how much they love me?

Quick. That were a jest indeed! they have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the 105 little page; and, truly, Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and, truly, she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in 110 Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy.

Fast. What a joke that was! I hope they aren't so lacking in grace: that was a real trick! But Mistress Page would like you to send her your little page, because her husband has a strange obsession with the little page; and honestly, Master Page is a good guy. No wife in Windsor has a better life than she does: she does whatever she wants, says what she wants, takes everything, pays everything, goes to bed when she wants, and wakes up when she wants—everything is as she wishes. And really, she deserves it; because if there's a kind woman in Windsor, it's her. You have to send her your page; there's no other option.

Fal. Why, I will.

Sure, I will.

Quick. Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case, have a 115 nay-word, that you may know one another’s mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for ’tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world.

Fast. No, but do this: he can come and go between the two of you; and, in any case, have a 115 secret signal so you can understand each other’s thoughts, and the boy never need to understand anything; because it’s not right for children to know anything evil: older people, as you know, have judgment and understand the world.

Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: 120 there’s my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. [Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin.] This news distracts me!

Fal. Goodbye: say hi to them both for me: 120 here’s my wallet; I still owe you. Kid, go with this woman. [Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin.] This news is driving me crazy!

Pist. This punk is one of Cupid’s carriers:

Pist. This __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ is one of Cupid's messengers:

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Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:

Clap on more sails; go after it; raise your fights:

II. 2.
125 Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all! Exit.

II. 2.
125 Light the fire: she is my treasure, or the ocean will overwhelm them all! Leave.

Fal. Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I’ll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let 130 them say ’tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter.

Fal. Are you serious, old Jack? Just go on; I’ll appreciate your old self even more than I have. Are they still going to look out for you? After spending so much money, do you really expect to benefit now? Goodness, thank you. Let them say it’s poorly done; as long as it’s done properly, it doesn’t matter.

Enter Bardolph.

Bard. Sir John, there’s one Master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning’s draught of sack.

Poet. Sir John, there's someone below who would really like to speak with you and get to know you; they’ve sent you a morning drink of sack.

Fal. Brook is his name?

Is his name Brook?

135 Bard. Ay, sir.

Sure, sir.

Fal. Call him in. [Exit Bardolph.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page have I encompassed you? go to; via!

Fal. Get him in here. [Exit Bardolph.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o’erflow such drink. Ah, ha! Have I caught you, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page? Come on; let’s go!

Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised.

Ford. Bless you, sir!

Thank you, sir!

140 Fal. And you, sir! Would you speak with me?

140 Fal. Hey, you! Do you want to talk with me?

Ford. I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you.

Ford. I take the liberty of reaching out to you with so little preparation.

Fal. You’re welcome. What’s your will?—Give us leave, drawer.

Fal. You’re welcome. What do you want?—Let us through, waiter.

Exit Bardolph.

145 Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.

145 Ford. Sir, I am a man of means; my name is Brook.

Fal. Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.

Fal. Hey Master Brook, I’d like to get to know you better.

Ford. Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge II. 2.
150 you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.

Ford. Good Sir John, I come to you asking for your support: not to burden you; because I need to let you know I believe I'm in a better position to lend than you are: which has made me a bit bold for this unexpected approach; they say that if you have money in hand, all doors will be open. II. 2.
150

195

Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will keep going.

155 Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage.

155 Ford Motor Company. Honestly, I have a bag of money here that's bothering me: if you’ll help carry it, Sir John, take all, or half to lighten my load.

Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.

Fal. Sir, I have no idea why I should be your doorman.

160 Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.

160 Ford. I'll tell you, sir, if you'll listen to me.

Fal. Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be your servant.

Fal. Go ahead, Master Brook: I’d be happy to be your servant.

Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,—I will be brief with you,—and you have been a man long known to me, though 165 I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your 170 own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.

Ford. Sir, I hear you're a scholar—I'll keep this brief—and you’ve been someone I’ve known for a long time, even though I never had the chance, beyond my interest, to really get to know you. I need to reveal something to you, where I have to be quite open about my own imperfection: but, good Sir John, while you focus on my mistakes as I share them, please also reflect on your own; so that I can more easily handle your criticism, since you know how easy it is to make such errors yourself.

Fal. Very well, sir; proceed.

Fal. Alright, go ahead.

Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband’s name is Ford.

Ford. There’s a woman in this town; her husband's name is Ford.

II. 2.
175 Fal. Well, sir.

Alright, sir.

Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee’d every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only 180 bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have 185 received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this:

Ford. I've loved her for a long time, and I swear to you, I've given her so much; I've followed her with devoted attention; seized every chance to meet her; fee’d every small opportunity that could possibly let me see her; not only 180 bought many gifts to give her, but I've also given generously to many people to find out what she would have wanted; in short, I've pursued her just as love has pursued me, which has been on the lookout with every opportunity. But whatever I've earned, whether in my thoughts or my resources, I’m sure I’ve received nothing in return; unless experience is a jewel that I’ve bought at an enormous cost, and that has taught me to say this:

196

‘Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;

‘Love, like a shadow, disappears when true love chases it;

Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.’

Pursuing what flies, and flying after what pursues.

190 Fal. Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?

190 Fal. Haven't you been promised any satisfaction from her?

Ford. Never.

Ford. No way.

Fal. Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

Fal. Have you pressed her for that purpose?

Ford. Never.

Ford. No way.

195 Fal. Of what quality was your love, then?

195 Fal. So, what was your love like, then?

Ford. Like a fair house built on another man’s ground; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it.

Ford. It's like a nice house built on someone else's land; I've lost my building because I confused the spot where I put it up.

Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

Fal. Why are you telling me this?

II. 2.
200 Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent 205 breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.

II. 2.
200 Ford. Once I've shared that with you, I've shared everything. Some people say that even though she seems genuine to me, in other circles she exaggerates her fun so much that it raises some eyebrows. Now, Sir John, here's the point of what I'm saying: you are a man of outstanding upbringing, great conversation, well-respected, genuine in both your role and character, and widely acknowledged for your many skills in battle, court, and education.

Fal. O, sir!

Fal. Oh, sir!

Ford. Believe it, for you know it. There is money; 210 spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford’s wife: use your art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as any.

Ford. Believe it, because you know it's true. There’s money; 210 spend it, spend it; spend more; spend everything I have; just give me a little of your time in exchange for it, to kindly persuade Ford's wife: use your charm; get her to agree to you: if anyone can do it, you can do it as quickly as anyone.

215 Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

215 Fal. Does it make sense for me to win what you desire in your heart? I think you’re setting yourself up for a ridiculous expectation.

Ford. O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul 220 dares not present itself: she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves: I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand 197 II. 2.
225 other her defences, which now are too, too strongly embattled against me. What say you to’t, Sir John?

Ford. Oh, get where I'm coming from. She is so focused on the greatness of her honor that the stupidity of my soul 220 wouldn't dare show itself: she’s too radiant to be challenged. If I could approach her with any proof, I’d have reasons to make my desires known: I could then pull her away from the fortress of her purity, her reputation, her marriage vows, and a thousand 197 II. 2.
225 other her defenses, which are currently too, too strongly shielded against me. What do you think about that, Sir John?

Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford’s wife.

Fal. Master Brook, I'm going to start by taking your money; then, give me your hand; and finally, as a gentleman, if you want, you can enjoy Ford’s wife.

230 Ford. O good sir!

O good sir!

Fal. I say you shall.

Fal. __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__

Ford. Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.

Ford. I don't want any money, Sir John; you won't need any.

Fal. Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her 235 own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from me: I say I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed.

Fal. Don’t worry about Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you won’t need to. I’ll be meeting her, just so you know, by her own arrangement; just like you walked in on me, her assistant, or matchmaker, just left. I’m saying I’ll be with her between ten and eleven; because at that time, her jealous, sneaky husband will be out. Come see me at night; I’ll let you know how it goes.

240 Ford.. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir?

240 Ford.. I'm lucky to know you. Are you familiar with Ford, sir?

Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not: —yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife 245 seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue’s coffer; and there’s my harvest-home.

Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly fool! I don’t know him, but it’s unfair to call him poor; they say the jealous, foolish guy has loads of money, which makes his wife 245 look pretty attractive to me. I’ll use her as the key to the cuckoldly rogue’s treasure chest; and that’s my payday.

Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him, if you saw him.

Ford. I wish you knew Ford, sir, so you could steer clear of him if you saw him.

Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will II. 2.
250 stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o’er the cuckold’s horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. —Come to me soon at night. Ford’s a knave, and I will aggravate his 255 style; thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold. Come to me soon at night. Exit.

Fal. Hang him, mechanical scoundrel! I will stare him down until he loses his mind; I will intimidate him with my club: it will hang like a comet over the cuckold's head. Master Brook, you'll see that I will dominate over the fool, and you will get to be with his wife. —Come see me soon at night. Ford's a trickster, and I will make his life miserable; you, Master Brook, will know him as a trickster and a cuckold. Come see me soon at night. Log out.

Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the hour 198 260 is fixed; the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him 265 that does me this wrong. Terms! names!—Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils’ additions, the names of fiends: but Cuckold! Wittol!—Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he will trust his wife; he will not 270 be jealous. I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in II. 2.
275 their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. God be praised for my jealousy!—Eleven o’clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too 280 late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! Exit.

Ford. What a damnably indulgent rascal this is! My heart is about to burst with impatience. Who says this is foolish jealousy? My wife has sent for him; the time is set; the deal is done. Would anyone have believed this? Just look at the mess of having a false woman! My bed will be misused, my money looted, my reputation chewed up; and I won’t just suffer this vile wrong, but will also have to deal with terrible terms, all from him 198 260 who does me this wrong. Terms! Names!—Amaimon sounds good; Lucifer, good; Barbason, good; yet they are devilish titles, the names of fiends: but Cuckold! Wittol!—Cuckold! even the devil himself doesn’t have such a name. Page is a fool, a complacent fool: he will trust his wife; he won’t be jealous. I’d rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my liquor, or a thief to ride my easy-going horse, than trust my wife alone: then she plots, then she thinks, then she schemes; and whatever they think in II. 2.
275 their hearts they might achieve, they will break their hearts but they will succeed. God be praised for my jealousy!—Eleven o’clock is the time. I will stop this, catch my wife, get back at Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I’ll get to it; better to be three hours early than a minute late. Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold! Cuckold! Cuckold! Log out.

II. 3 Scene 3. A field near Windsor.

Enter Caius and Rugby.

Caius. Jack Rugby!

Jack Rugby!

Rug. Sir?

Rug. What is it, sir?

Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack?

What is __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ clock, Jack?

Rug. Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised 5 to meet.

Rug. It's past the time, sir, that Sir Hugh promised 5 to meet.

Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.

Caius. I swear, he has saved his soul by not coming; he has prayed his Bible well by not coming: I swear, Jack Rugby, he's already dead if he shows up.

199

Rug. He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would 10 kill him, if he came.

Rug. He’s smart, sir; he knew you’d 10 kill him if he showed up.

Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.

Caius. Honestly, the herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Grab your sword, Jack; I'll tell you how I'm going to take him out.

Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence.

Rug. Sorry, sir, I can't fence.

15 Caius. Villainy, take your rapier.

Villainy, grab your rapier.

Rug. Forbear; here’s company.

Rug. Hold on; we have company.

Enter Host, Shallow, Slim, and Page.

Host. Bless thee, bully doctor!

Thanks, awesome doctor!

Shal. Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

Save you, Dr. Caius!

Page. Now, good master doctor!

Now, good doctor!

20 Slen. Give you good morrow, sir.

Good morning, sir.

Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Caius. What are you all doing here, one, two, tree, four?

Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy II. 3.
25 montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Æsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully-stale? is he dead?

Host. To watch you fight, to see your moves, to watch you go back and forth; to see you here, to see you there; to see you nail your stance, your grip, your counters, your distance, your advance. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha, buddy! What does my healer say? My Galen? My heart of wisdom? Ha! Is he dead, my friend? Is he dead?

Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face.

Caius. By God, he is the cowardly priest of the vorld; he doesn't show his face.

30 Host. Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

30 Host. You are a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my friend!

Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

Caius. I ask you to bear witness that I have waited six or seven, two, three hours for him, and he has not come.

Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a 35 curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?

Shall. He's the smarter one, master doctor: he heals spirits, and you heal bodies; if you were to fight, you'd be going against the core of your professions. Isn't that right, Master Page?

Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.

Page. Master Shallow, you’ve been a skilled fighter, although now you’re a man of peace.

200

40 Shal. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

40 Shal. Honestly, Master Page, even though I'm old now and should be at the peace, whenever I see a sword drawn, I can't help but want to grab one. Even though we're justices, doctors, and churchmen, Master Page, we still have some of that spirit from our youth in us; after all, we're all sons of women, Master Page.

45 Page. ’Tis true, Master Shallow.

It's true, Master Shallow.

Shal. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have shewed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shewn himself a wise and patient II. 3.
50 churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Shall. You'll see, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I’ve come to take you home. I'm sworn to keep the peace: you’ve proven to be a smart doctor, and Sir Hugh has shown himself to be a wise and patient priest. You need to come with me, Doctor.

Host. Pardon, guest-justice. —A word, Mounseur Mock-water.

Host. Excuse me, guest-justice. —__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, Mounseur __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Mock-vater! What is that?

Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, 55 bully.

Host. Mock-water, in our English language, is courage, 55 tough guy.

Caius. By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de Englishman. —Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.

Caius. By God, I have just as much trouble with water as the Englishman. —Worthless dog of a priest! I swear, I'll cut off his ears.

Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Host. He'll grab you really hard, tough guy.

60 Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Clapper-de-claw! What is that?

Host. That is, he will make thee amends.

Host. That means he will make things right with you.

Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.

Caius. By God, I really think he’s going to scratch me; because, by God, I will have it.

Host. And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.

Host. And I will push him to do it, or let him go.

65 Caius. Me tank you for dat.

Thanks for that.

Host. And, moreover, bully,—But first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. Aside to them.

Host. And also, hey there,—But first, my dear guest, and Master Page, and also Cavaleiro Slender, you all go through the town to Frogmore. Aside to them.

Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Is Sir Hugh around?

70 Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

70 Host. He’s there: check what mood he’s in; and I’ll get the doctor about by the fields. Will that work?

Shal. We will do it.

We’ll get it done.

Page, Shal., and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor.

Page, Shal, and Slen. Goodbye, respected doctor.

Exeunt Page, Shal., and Slen.

201

II. 3.
75 Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

II. 3.
75 Caius. I swear, I'll kill the priest; because he talks like a fool to Anne Page.

Host. Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, 80 at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

Host. Let him go: calm your anger, cool down your temper: come walk with me through the fields of Frogmore: I’ll take you to where Mistress Anne Page is, 80 at a farmhouse having a feast; and you can woo her. Cried I aim? Did I say that right?

Caius. By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Caius. I swear, I thank you for that: I really do love you; and I will get you the good company, the earl, the knight, the lords, the gentlemen, my patients.

85 Host. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page. Said I well?

85 Host. So, I will be your opponent when it comes to Anne Page. Did I say that right?

Caius. By gar, ’tis good; vell said.

Caius. Wow, that’s awesome; nicely said.

Host. Let us wag, then.

Let’s have some fun, then.

Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Come on, Jack Rugby.

Exeunt.

Exit.

ACT III.

III. 1 Scene 1. A field near Frogmore.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Easy.

Evans. I pray you now, good Master Slender’s serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?

Evans. I ask you now, good Master Slender’s servant, and friend Simple by name, which way have you been looking for Master Caius, who calls himself a doctor of medicine?

5 Sim. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.

5 Yeah. Sure, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, in every aspect; the old Windsor way, and every way except the town way.

Evans. I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.

Evans. I strongly wish you would also look that way.

Sim. I will, sir. Exit.

Sure thing, sir. Exit.

10 Evans. Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind!—I shall be glad if he have deceived 202 me. —How melancholies I am!—I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities for the ork. —Pless my soul!— Sings.

10 Evans. Goodness, I feel so filled with chollors and my mind is racing!—I will be glad if he has fooled me. —How miserable I feel!—I will hit him on the head with his urinals when I get a chance for the fun. —Goodness!— Sings.

15 To shallow rivers, to whose falls

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ rivers, to their waterfalls

Melodious birds sings madrigals;

Singing birds perform madrigals;

There will we make our peds of roses,

There we will make our beds of roses,

And a thousand fragrant posies.

And a thousand __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ flowers.

To shallow—

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__—

20 Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Sings.

20 Oh no! I have a lot dispositions to cry about. Singing.

Melodious birds sing madrigals—

Birds sing sweetly __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__—

Whenas I sat in Pabylon—

When I sat in Babylon—

And a thousand vagram posies.

And a thousand __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ flowers.

To shallow &c.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ etc.

Re-enter Simple.

III. 1.
25 Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.

III. 1.
25 Yeah. There he is coming over here, Sir Hugh.

Evans. He’s welcome. — Sings.

Evans. He's welcome. — Sings.

To shallow rivers, to whose falls—

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ rivers, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ falls—

Heaven prosper the right!—What weapons is he?

Heaven bless the righteous!—What weapons does he have?

Sim. No weapons, sir. There comes my master, 30 Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.

Yep. No weapons, sir. Here comes my master, 30 Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way.

Evans. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

Evans. Please, give me my gown; or else hold onto it for me.

Enter Page, Superficial, and Slim.

Shal. How now, master parson! Good morrow, good 35 Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.

Shh. Hey there, master parson! Good morning, good 35 Sir Hugh. Keep a gambler away from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it’s truly amazing.

Slen. [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!

Ah, sweet Anne Page!

Page. Save you, good Sir Hugh!

Save yourself, good Sir Hugh!

Evans. Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

Evans. Bless you all for his mercy!

203

40 Shal. What, the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson?

40 Shal. What, the sword and the word! Do you study both, master parson?

Page. And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this raw rheumatic day!

Page. And still so young! in your outfit and tights on this chilly, damp day!

Evans. There is reasons and causes for it.

Evans. There are reasons and causes for it.

45 Page. We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.

45 Page. We're here to do you a favor, master parson.

Evans. Fery well: what is it?

Evans. Alright: what is it?

Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds III. 1.
50 with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.

Page. Over there is a very respectable gentleman who, having likely been wronged by someone, is at great odds with his own seriousness and patience more than you've ever seen. III. 1.
50

Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.

Shall. I have lived eighty years and more; I have never heard a man of his status, seriousness, and knowledge so lacking in self-respect.

Evans. What is he?

Evans. What is he like?

55 Page. I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.

55 Page. I believe you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the famous French doctor.

Evans. Got’s will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.

Evans. God's will, and my heart's desire! I'd rather you tell me about a bowl of porridge.

Page. Why?

60 Evans. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,—and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal.

60 Evans. He knows nothing more about Hippocrates and Galen—and he’s a scoundrel too; a cowardly scoundrel that you'd desires want to know.

Page. I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.

Page. I promise you, he’s the guy who should fight him.

65 Slen. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

O sweet Anne Page!

Shal. It appears so, by his weapons. Keep them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius.

Shall. It looks that way, based on his weapons. Keep them apart: Doctor Caius is coming.

Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby.

Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

Page. No, good master parson, hold onto your weapon.

Shal. So do you, good master doctor.

Shall. You do too, good master doctor.

70 Host. Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English.

70 Host. Take away their weapons, and let them ask questions: let them keep their limbs intact, and mess with our English.

Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear. Verefore vill you not meet-a me?

Caius. I ask you, let me have a word with you. Why won't you meet me?

204

Evans. [Aside to Caius] Pray you, use your patience: III. 1.
75 in good time.

Evans. [Aside to Caius] Please be patient: III. 1.
75 it will be worth it.

Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.

Caius. You are such a coward, a useless dog, John.

Evans. [Aside to Caius] Pray you, let us not be laughing-stocks to other men’s humours; I desire you in friendship, 80 and I will one way or other make you amends. [Aloud] I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cogscomb [for missing your meetings and appointments].

Evans. [Aside to Caius] Pray you, let's not be laughing-stocks to other people's moods; I want you to know that I’m here for you as a friend, 80 and I’ll figure out a way to make it up to you. [Aloud] I will knock your urinals around your foolish head [for missing your meetings and appointments].

Caius. Diable!—Jack Rugby,—mine host de Jarteer,—have I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de 85 place I did appoint?

Caius. Damn it!—Jack Rugby,—my host at the Jarteer,—haven't I waited for him to kill him? Didn't I meet him at the 85 place I said I would?

Evans. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed: I’ll be judgement by mine host of the Garter.

Evans. As a Christian, listen, this is the designated spot: I’ll be judged by the owner of the Garter.

Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and 90 Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer!

Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and 90 Welsh, healer of the soul and the body!

Caius. Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

Caius. Yes, that is really good; excellent.

Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions. 95 Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. [Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so.] Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins III. 1.
100 are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their 205 swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.

Host. Peace, I say! Listen to me, the host of the Garter. Am I being clever? Am I being sneaky? Am I a Machiavellian? Should I lose my doctor? No; he provides me with the potions and the motions. 95 Should I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No; he gives me the sayings and the no-sayings. [Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so.] Give me your hand, heavenly being; like this. Masters of art, I have tricked you both; I have led you to the wrong places: your hearts are strong, your skins III. 1.
100 are intact, and let burnt wine be the result. Come, pawn their swords. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.

Shal. Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

Shall. Trust me, it’s a wild party. Come on, guys, let’s go.

105 Slen. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

O sweet Anne Page!

Exeunt Shal., Slen., Page, and Host.

Caius. Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?

Caius. Ha, do I see that? Are you making a fool of us, ha, ha?

Evans. This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. —I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our 110 prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.

Evans. This is good; he has made us his vlouting-stog. —I ask that we can be friends; and let’s join forces to take revenge on this same scall, nasty, deceitful companion, the host of the Garter.

Caius. By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.

Caius. By God, with all my heart. He promised to bring me where is Anne Page; by God, he deceived me too.

Evans. Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, 115 follow.

Evans. Alright, I'll knock some sense into him. Come on, 115 let's go.

Exeunt.

Exit.

III. 2 Scene 2. The street, in Windsor.

Enter Mrs. Page and Robin.

Mrs Page. Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?

Ms. Page. No, go your own way, brave boy; you used to follow, but now you're in charge. Would you prefer to guide my gaze or watch your master’s back?

Rob. I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man 5 than follow him like a dwarf.

Rob. I would much rather go in front of you like a man 5 than follow him like a little person.

Mrs Page. O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you’ll be a courtier.

Mrs. Page. Oh, you are quite the charmer: now I see you’ll be a courtier.

Enter Ford.

Ford. Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

Ford. Nice to see you, Mistress Page. Where are you headed?

Mrs Page. Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

Mrs. Page. Honestly, sir, can I see your wife? Is she home?

10 Ford. Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry.

10 Ford. Yeah, and as useless as she might be just sitting there, because of company. I think if your husbands were dead, you two would get married.

Mrs Page. Be sure of that,—two other husbands.

Mrs. Page. You can bet on that—two more husbands.

206

Ford. Where had you this pretty weathercock?

Ford. Where did you get this nice weather vane?

15 Mrs Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is husband had him of. —What do you call your knight’s name, sirrah?

15 Ms. Page. I can't remember what on earth your husband's name is. —What do you call your knight's name, kid?

Rob. Sir John Falstaff.

Sir John Falstaff.

Ford. Sir John Falstaff!

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Sir John Falstaff!

20 Mrs Page. He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There is such a league between my good man and he!—Is your wife at home indeed?

20 Ms. Page. Ha, I can never get his name right. There’s such a connection between my husband and him!—Is your wife at home, really?

Ford. Indeed she is.

Ford. She really is.

Mrs Page. By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.

Ms. Page. If you don’t mind, sir: I’m feeling unwell until I see her.

Exeunt Mrs Page and Robin.

III. 2.
25 Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve score. He pieces out his wife’s inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage: 30 and now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots, they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed 35 veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actæon; and to these violent proceedings all my neighbours shall cry aim. [Clock heard.] The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather 40 praised for this than mocked; for it is as positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is there: I will go.

III. 2.
25 Ford. Does Page have any brains? Does he have any eyes? Does he think at all? They must be asleep; he doesn’t use them. This guy will carry a letter twenty miles as easily as a cannon can shoot straight for two hundred yards. He picks up on his wife’s desires; he gives her foolishness momentum and a chance: 30 and now she’s heading to see my wife, with Falstaff’s boy alongside her. You can practically hear this rain sing in the wind. And with Falstaff’s boy, too! Good plans are being set; our disloyal wives are sharing their downfall together. Well; I’ll catch him, then make my wife suffer, strip the borrowed 35 mask of modesty from the supposedly proper Mistress Page, reveal Page himself as a secure and reckless Actæon; and my neighbors will all cheer for these drastic actions. [Clock heard.] The clock is my cue, and my confidence assures me search: there I’ll find Falstaff: I’ll be more admired for this than ridiculed; it’s as certain as the ground is solid that Falstaff is there: I’m going.

Enter Page, Shallow, Slim, Host, Sir Hugh Evans, Caius, and Rugby.

Shal., Page, &c. Well met, Master Ford.

Shal., Page, & etc. Good to see you, Master Ford.

Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home; and I pray you all go with me.

Ford. Trust me, a solid plan: I’m in good spirits at home; and I hope you all join me.

207

45 Shal. I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

45 Shal. I need to excuse myself, Mr. Ford.

Slen. And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I’ll speak of.

Slen. And I have to, sir: we’ve planned to have dinner with Mistress Anne, and I wouldn’t cancel on her for any amount of money I could mention.

Shal. We have lingered about a match between Anne III. 2.
50 Page and my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

Shall. We've been hanging around waiting for a decision about a match between Anne III. 2.
50 Page and my cousin Slender, and today we’re finally going to find out.

Slen. I hope I have your good will, father Page.

Slen. I hope I have your support, Mr. Page.

Page. You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:—but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

Page. You have, Master Slender; I'm totally on your side—but my wife, master doctor, is completely on your side.

55 Caius. Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush.

55 Caius. Yeah, for sure; and the maid is in love with me: my nurse Quickly tells me so much.

Host. What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will 60 carry’t, he will carry’t; ’tis in his buttons; he will carry’t.

Host. What do you think of young Master Fenton? He jumps around, he dances, he has youthful eyes, he writes poetry, he talks like it’s a celebration, he smells like spring and May: he will take it, he will take it; it’s in his nature; he will take it. 60

Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having: he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with 65 the finger of my substance: if he take her, let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

Page. Not with my approval, I assure you. The guy is worthless: he hangs out with the wild prince and Poins; he’s from too high a status; he knows too much. No, he won’t tie his fortunes to mine: if he takes her, let him take her without strings attached; the wealth I have depends on my approval, and my approval isn’t going that way.

Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; 70 I will show you a monster. Master doctor, you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

Ford. I really hope some of you will come over to my place for dinner: along with good food, you’ll have some fun; 70 I’ll show you a monster. Master doctor, you’re coming; so are you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

Shal. Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing at Master Page’s.

Shall. Well, goodbye: we'll have a more relaxed courtship at Master Page’s.

Exeunt Shal. and Slen.

Exit Shal. and Slen.

Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I'll be there soon.

Exit Rugby.

Leave Rugby.

III. 2.
75 Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. Exit.

III. 2.
75 Host. Goodbye, my friends: I'm off to my good knight Falstaff to have some canary wine with him. Leave.

Ford. [Aside] I think I shall drink in pipe-wine first with him; I’ll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

Ford. [Aside] I think I'll have some wine with him first; I'll make him dance. Are you coming, everyone?

All. Have with you to see this monster.

All. Come and take a look at this monster.

Exeunt.

Exit.

208

III. 3 Scene 3. A room in Ford’s house.

Enter Mrs. Ford and Ms. Page.

Mrs Ford. What, John! What, Robert!

Mrs. Ford. What’s up, John! What’s up, Robert!

Mrs Page. Quickly, quickly!—is the buck-basket—

Mrs Page. Hurry up!—is the laundry—

Mrs Ford. I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

Ms. Ford. I swear. What’s up, Robin, I’m telling you!

Enter Servants with a basket.

Mrs Page. Come, come, come.

Mrs Page. Come on.

5 Mrs Ford. Here, set it down.

Here, put it down.

Mrs Page. Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

Mrs. Page. Give your guys the instructions; we need to be quick.

Mrs Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and, without any 10 pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

Mrs Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready right here in the brewery; and when I suddenly call you, come out, and without any hesitation or stumbling, take this basket on your shoulders. Once you've done that, hurry with it and carry it to the laundry workers in Datchet Meadow, and there empty it into the muddy ditch by the Thames.

Mrs Page. You will do it?

Are you going to do it?

15 Mrs Ford. I ha’ told them over and over; they lack no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

15 Ms. Ford. I've told them again and again; they have no confusion about what to do. Go now, and come back when I call for you.

Exeunt Servants.

Exit servants.

Mrs Page. Here comes little Robin.

Here comes little Robin.

Enter Robin.

Mrs Ford. How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

Ms. Ford. Hey there, my young falcon! What's the latest with you?

20 Rob. My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door, Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

20 Rob. My boss, Sir John, came in through the your back door, Mistress Ford, and wants to see you.

Mrs Page. You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

Mrs. Page. You little trickster, have you been honest with us?

Rob. Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your III. 3.
25 being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he’ll turn me away.

Rob. Yeah, I swear. My boss doesn’t know you’re here and has threatened to give me permanent freedom if I tell you; he swears he’ll fire me. III. 3.
25

209

Mrs Page. Thou’rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I ’ll go hide me.

Ms. Page. You’re a good boy: this secret of yours will work in your favor and give you a new outfit. I’ll go hide.

30 Mrs Ford. Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone. [Exit Robin.] Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

30 Mrs. Ford. Alright. Go tell your boss I’m by myself. [Exit Robin.] Mistress Page, don’t forget your cue.

Mrs Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. Exit.

Mrs. Page. I promise you; if I don't perform it, boo me. Log out.

Mrs Ford. Go to, then: we’ll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion; we’ll teach him to 35 know turtles from jays.

Ms. Ford. Alright then: we’ll take this nasty humidity, this big watery pumpkin; we’ll teach him to 35 tell turtles from jays.

Enter Falstaff.

Fal. ‘Have I caught’ thee, ‘my heavenly jewel?’ Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

Fal. ‘Have I found you, my precious gem?’ Well, now I can die because I’ve lived long enough: this is the end of my ambition: Oh, this wonderful moment!

Mrs Ford. O sweet Sir John!

O sweet Sir John!

40 Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I’ll speak it before the best lord; I would make thee my lady.

40 Fal. Mistress Ford, I can't lie, I can't joke, Mistress Ford. Now I will sin in my desire: I wish your husband were dead: I'll say it in front of the best lord; I would make you my lady.

Mrs Ford. I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a 45 pitiful lady!

Ms. Ford. I’m your lady, Sir John! Oh dear, I’d be a 45 sad lady!

Fal. Let the court of France show me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.

Fal. Let the court of France show me something like that. I see how your eye could rival a diamond: you have the perfect arched beauty of the brow that suits the ship's attire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.

III. 3.
50 Mrs Ford. A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither.

III. 3.
50 Mrs. Ford. A simple scarf, Sir John: nothing else looks right on my head; and this one doesn’t fit well either.

Fal. By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled 210 55 farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

Fal. By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: you would make a perfect courtier; and the way you stand would really enhance your walk in a semi-circled 210 55 farthingale. I see what you were, if Fortune had been foe were not, Nature your friend. Come on, you can't hide it.

Mrs Ford. Believe me, there’s no such thing in me.

Mrs. Ford. Trust me, that's not who I am.

Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee there’s something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot 60 cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like women in men’s apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it.

Fal. What made me love you? Let that be something extraordinary about you. Come on, I can't pretend and say you're this or that, like so many of these lisping hawthorn buds that come dressed like women in men's clothes and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I can't do that: but I love you; only you; and you deserve it.

Mrs Ford. Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love 65 Mistress Page.

Mrs. Ford. Don’t betray me, sir. I’m afraid you love 65 Mistress Page.

Fal. Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln.

Fal. You might as well say I love walking by the Counter-gate, which I find just as unpleasant as the smell of a lime-kiln.

Mrs Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love you; and 70 you shall one day find it.

Ms. Ford. Well, I swear I love you; and 70 you'll discover it one day.

Fal. Keep in that mind; I’ll deserve it.

Fal. Just keep that in mind; I’ll earn it.

Mrs Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.

Ms. Ford. No, I have to tell you, yes, you do; otherwise, I wouldn't be thinking that way.

Rob. [Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here’s III. 3.
75 Mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

Rob. [Within] Mrs. Ford, Mrs. Ford! Here’s III. 3.
75 Mrs. Page at the door, sweating, and panting, and looking crazed, and wants to talk to you right now.

Fal. She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.

Fal. She won't see me: I'll hide behind the curtain.

Mrs Ford. Pray you, do so: she’s a very tattling 80 woman.

Ms. Ford. Please do that: she’s a really gossiping 80 woman.

Falstaff hides himself.

Falstaff is hiding.

Re-enter Ms. Page and Robin.

What’s the matter? how now!

What's wrong? What’s going on!

Mrs Page. O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone for ever!

Mrs. Page. Oh Mistress Ford, what have you done? You’re embarrassed, you’ve been defeated, you’re ruined for good!

Mrs Ford. What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?

Ms. Ford. What’s wrong, dear Mistress Page?

211

85 Mrs Page. O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

85 Mrs. Page. Oh dear, Mistress Ford! Why would you give your honest husband such a reason to doubt you?

Mrs Ford. What cause of suspicion?

What’s the reason for suspicion?

Mrs Page. What cause of suspicion! Out upon you! 90 how am I mistook in you!

Ms. Page. What a reason for suspicion! How could you do this to me! 90 I can't believe I've misunderstood you!

Mrs Ford. Why, alas, what’s the matter?

Mrs Ford. Oh no, what's the issue?

Mrs Page. Your husband’s coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house, by your consent, to 95 take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone.

Mrs. Page. Your husband is coming here, ma'am, with all the officers in Windsor, to look for a guy he claims is in the house, with your permission, to take advantage of his absence: you're in big trouble.

Mrs Ford. ’Tis not so, I hope.

I hope so.

Mrs Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here! but ’tis most certain your husband’s coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. III. 3.
100 I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

Ms. Page. I hope to God it's not true that you have such a man here! But it's pretty clear your husband is coming, with half of Windsor following him, to look for someone like that. III. 3.
100 I came to tell you first. If you're sure you're in the clear, then I'm happy for you; but if you have a friend here, get him out. Don't be shocked; focus and gather your wits; protect your reputation, or say goodbye to your good life forever.

105 Mrs Ford. What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house.

105 Ms. Ford. What should I do? There’s a man, my dear friend; and I worry less about my own shame and more about his danger: I would rather he were out of the house than have a thousand pounds.

Mrs Page. For shame! never stand ‘you had rather’ 110 and ‘you had rather:’ your husband’s here at hand; bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going 115 to bucking: or,—it is whiting-time,—send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.

Ms. Page. For shame! don't just stand there saying you'd rather not; your husband is right here. Think of a way to get him out of sight: you can't hide him in the house. Oh, how you've fooled me! Look, here’s a basket: if he’s not too big, he can squeeze in here; just throw some dirty laundry on him, as if he’s going to get washed—or, since it's the time for whitening, send him off with your two men to Datchet-mead.

Mrs Ford. He’s too big to go in there. What shall I do?

Ms. Ford. He's too big to fit in there. What should I do?

Fal. [Coming forward] Let me see’t, let me see’t, 120 O, let me see’t!—I’ll in, I’ll in. —Follow your friend’s counsel. —I’ll in.

Fal. [Coming forward] Let me see it, let me see it, 120 Oh, let me see it!—I’m going in, I’m going in. —Follow your friend's advice. —I’m going in.

212

Mrs Page. What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

Ms. Page. What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

Fal. I love thee. —Help me away. —Let me creep in III. 3.
125 here. —I’ll never— Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen.

Fal. I love thee. —Help me escape. —Let me sneak in III. 3.
125 here. —I’ll never— Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen.

Mrs Page. Help to cover your master, boy. —Call your men, Mistress Ford. —You dissembling knight!

Ms. Page. Help cover your master, boy. —Call your people, Mistress Ford. —You deceptive knight!

Mrs Ford. What, John! Robert! John!

What, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ John!

Exit Robin.

Re-enter Servants.

Go take up these clothes here quickly. —Where’s the cowl-staff? 130 look, how you drumble!—Carry them to the laundress in Datchet-mead; quickly, come.

Go grab these clothes right away. —Where's the cowl staff? 130 Look at how you're dawdling!—Take them to the laundress in Datchet Mead; hurry up, let's go.

Enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans.

Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest; I deserve it. —How now! whither bear you this?

Ford. Please, come closer: if I'm being suspicious without reason, then go ahead and make fun of me; I deserve it. —How now! where are you taking this?

135 Serv. To the laundress, forsooth.

To the laundress, indeed.

Mrs Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.

Ms. Ford. Why, what do you have to do with where they take it? You might as well get involved with washing the buck.

Ford. Buck!—I would I could wash myself of the buck!—Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and 140 of the season too, it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I’ll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers; search, seek, find out: I’ll warrant we’ll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. [Locking the door.] So, 145 now uncape.

Ford. Buck!—I wish I could wash my hands of this buck!—Buck, buck, buck! Yes, buck; I assure you, buck; and by the season too, it will be evident. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I had a dream last night; I’ll share my dream with you. Here, here, here are my keys: go up to my rooms; search, look, find out: I’m sure we’ll flush out the fox. Let me approach this way first. [Locking the door.] So, 145 now uncape.

Page. Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

Page. Good Master Ford, just relax: you’re being too hard on yourself.

Ford. True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. Exit.

Ford. That's right, Master Page. Come on, gentlemen; you’ll see some entertainment soon: follow me, gentlemen. Log out.

213

III. 3.
150 Evans. This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.

III. 3.
150 Evans. This is very fanciful moods and jealousies.

Caius. By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France; it is not jealous in France.

Caius. By gosh, that's not how things are done in France; there's no jealousy in France.

Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.

Page. No, follow him, gentlemen; check out what he finds.

Exeunt Page, Caius, and Evans.

155 Mrs Page. Is there not a double excellency in this?

155 Ms. Page. Isn't there a double excellence in this?

Mrs Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.

Ms. Ford. I don't know which makes me happier, that my husband is fooled, or Sir John.

Mrs Page. What a taking was he in when your husband asked who was in the basket!

Mrs. Page. What a fuss he made when your husband asked who was in the basket!

160 Mrs Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

160 Mrs. Ford. I'm a little worried he might need a wash; so throwing him in the water will do him some good.

Mrs Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress.

Ms. Page. Hang him, dishonest jerk! I wish all of his kind were in the same trouble.

Mrs Ford. I think my husband hath some special suspicion 165 of Falstaff’s being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now.

Ms. Ford. I think my husband has some special suspicion 165 that Falstaff is here; I've never seen him so ridiculously jealous until now.

Mrs Page. I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine.

Ms. Page. I’ll come up with a plan to test that; and we’ll pull more tricks on Falstaff: his reckless behavior will hardly respond to this remedy.

170 Mrs Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?

170 Ms. Ford. Should we send that foolish dead body, Mistress Quickly, to him, and cover for his throwing it into the water; and give him another chance, to set him up for more trouble?

Mrs Page. We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow, III. 3.
175 eight o’clock, to have amends.

Ms. Page. We’ll take care of it: let him be called for to-morrow, III. 3.
175 eight o’clock, to make things right.

Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans.

Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass.

Ford. I can't find him: maybe the fool boasted about something he couldn't achieve.

Mrs Page. [Aside to Mrs Ford] Heard you that?

Did you hear that?

Mrs Ford. You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

Ms. Ford. You use you know me well, Master Ford, do you?

180 Ford. Ay, I do so.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ do it.

214

Mrs Ford. Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

Ms. Ford. I hope you is better than you think!

Ford. Amen!

Ford. Absolutely!

Mrs Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

Ms. Page. You’re really doing yourself a disservice, Master Ford.

185 Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it.

185 Ford. Yeah, I have to handle it.

Evans. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgement!

Evans. If there’s anyone in the house, and in the rooms, and in the cabinets, and in the chests, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgement!

Caius. By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

Caius. Seriously, neither do I: there are no people.

190 Page. Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

190 Page. Come on, Master Ford! Aren't you embarrassed? What kind of spirit, what devil puts this idea in your head? I wouldn’t want your troubles like this for all the riches of Windsor Castle.

Ford. ’Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

Ford. It's my fault, Master Page: I'm paying for it.

195 Evans. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too.

195 Evans. You struggle with a guilty conscience: your wife is one of the most honest women I could hope to find among five thousand, and even five hundred more.

Caius. By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.

Caius. Wow, I can tell she's a genuine woman.

Ford. Well, I promised you a dinner. —Come, come, III. 3.
200 walk in the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you why I have done this. —Come, wife; come, Mistress Page. —I pray you, pardon me; pray heartily pardon me.

Ford. Well, I promised you dinner. —Come on, let's take a walk in the park: I ask you to forgive me; I will explain later why I've done this. —Come on, dear; come, Mrs. Page. —I sincerely ask for your forgiveness; please, I truly apologize.

Page. Let’s go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we’ll 205 mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast: after, we’ll a-birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

Page. Let’s go in, gentlemen; but trust me, we’ll 205 make fun of him. I invite you to my place for breakfast tomorrow morning: afterward, we’ll go birding together; I have a great hawk for the hunt. Sound good?

Ford. Any thing.

Anything.

210 Evans. If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

210 Evans. If there is one, I'll make two in the group.

Caius. If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

Caius. If there are one or two, I will handle the mess.

Ford. Pray you, go, Master Page.

Ford. Please go, Master Page.

Evans. I pray you now, remembrance to-morrow on the lousy knave, mine host.

Evans. Please remember tomorrow to tell that obnoxious host.

215 Caius. Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!

215 Caius. That's great; I swear, with all my heart!

Evans. A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!

Evans. What a miserable jerk, to have his jabs and his insults!

Exeunt.

Exit.

215

III. 4 Scene 4. A room in Page's house.

Enter Fenton and Anne Page.

Fent. I see I cannot get thy father’s love;

Fentanyl. I see I can't win your father's love;

Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.

Anne. Alas, how then?

Anne. Oh no, what now?

Fent.

Fent.

Why, thou must be thyself.

Be yourself.

He doth object I am too great of birth;

He objects that I come from too high a background;

5 And that, my state being gall’d with my expense,

5 And that, with my finances being strained,

I seek to heal it only by his wealth:

I only aim to fix it with his money:

Besides these, other bars he lays before me,—

Besides these, other bars he places in front of me,—

My riots past, my wild societies;

My crazy past, my wild groups;

And tells me ’tis a thing impossible

And tells me it can't be done

10 I should love thee but as a property.

10 I should love you only as an object.

Anne. May be he tells you true.

Anne. Maybe he's telling you the truth.

Fent. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!

Fentanyl. No, may heaven help me in my time to come!

Albeit I will confess thy father’s wealth

Albeit I will confess your father's wealth

Was the first motive that I woo’d thee, Anne:

Was the first reason that I pursued you, Anne:

15 Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value

15 Yet, while trying to win you over, I realized you are worth more

Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;

Than gold coins or money in sealed bags;

And ’tis the very riches of thyself

And it’s the true wealth of who you are

That now I aim at.

That's what I'm aiming for.

Anne.

Gentle Master Fenton,

Yet seek my father’s love; still seek it, sir:

Yet seek my father's love; keep searching for it, sir:

20 If opportunity and humblest suit

If __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and simplest outfit

Cannot attain it, why, then,—hark you hither!

Can't reach it, then—listen!

They converse apart.

They talk privately.

Enter Shallow, Slim, and Madam Quickly.

Shal. Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall speak for himself.

Shall. Cut off their chatter, Mistress Quickly: my relative can speak for himself.

Sle. I’ll make a shaft or a bolt on’t: ’slid, ’tis but III. 4.
25 venturing.

Sle. I'll create a shaft or a bolt for it: honestly, it's just III. 4.
25 taking a chance.

Shal. Be not dismayed.

Shal. Don't be discouraged.

216

Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard.

Sleek. No, she will not discourage me: I don't care about that, but that I am afraid.

Quick. Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word 30 with you.

Fast. Listen up; Master Slender wants to have a word 30 with you.

Anne. I come to him. [Aside] This is my father’s choice.

Anne. I go to him. [Aside] This is my father’s choice.

O, what a world of vile ill-favour’d faults

O, what a world of horrible, ugly flaws

Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!

Looks good making three hundred pounds a year!

Quick. And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, 35 a word with you.

Fast. And how is good Master Fenton? Can I have a word with you? 35

Shal. She’s coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!

Shall. She’s on her way; to her, cousin. Oh man, you had a dad!

Slen. I had a father, Mistress Anne;—my uncle can tell you good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress 40 Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle.

Sleek. I had a dad, Mistress Anne;—my uncle can share some funny stories about him. Come on, uncle, tell Mistress 40 Anne the story about how my dad stole two geese from a pen, good uncle.

Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.

Shall. Mistress Anne, my cousin is in love with you.

Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire.

Sleek. Yeah, I do; just like I love any woman in Gloucestershire.

45 Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.

45 Shall. He’ll take care of you like a lady.

Slen. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a squire.

Slen. Yeah, I will, whether it's short or long, below the rank of a squire.

Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.

Shall. He will give you a yearly income of one hundred and fifty pounds.

III. 4.
50 Anne. Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.

III. 4.
50 Anne. Come on, Master Shallow, let him ask for himself.

Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I’ll leave you.

Shall. Sure, I appreciate it; I’m grateful for that good support. She’s calling you, cousin: I’ll take off.

Anne. Now, Master Slender,—

Now, Master Slender,—

Slen. Now, good Mistress Anne,—

Now, good Mistress Anne,—

55 Anne. What is your will?

What do you want?

Slen. My will! od’s heartlings, that’s a pretty jest indeed! I ne’er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.

Sleek. My will! Oh my goodness, that's quite a joke! I've never made my will yet, thank God; I'm not that sickly, I give thanks to heaven.

Anne. I mean, Master Slender, what would you with 60 me?

Anne. I mean, Master Slender, what do you want with 60 me?

Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you. Your father and my uncle hath made motions: 217 if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go better than I can: you may 65 ask your father; here he comes.

Sleek. Honestly, I wouldn't want much to do with you. Your father and my uncle hath made some moves: 217 if it's my fate, so be it; if not, happy be the man who gets his share! They can explain how things are going better than I can: you might 65 ask your father; here he comes.

Enter Page and Ms. Page.

Page. Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.—

Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?

Why, what’s going on! What’s Master Fenton doing here?

You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:

You’re wronging me, sir, by still coming to my home:

I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.

I told you, sir, my daughter is taken care of.

70 Fent. Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.

70 Fentanyl. Come on, Master Page, don't be impatient.

Mrs Page. Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.

Ms. Page. Good Master Fenton, don't come near my child.

Page. She is no match for you.

She's no match for you.

Fent. Sir, will you hear me?

Fent. Sir, can you hear me?

Page.

Page.

No, good Master Fenton.

Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.

Come on, Master Shallow; come in, son Slender.

III. 4.
75 Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.

III. 4.
75 Knowing my mind, you’re mistaken about me, Master Fenton.

Exeunt Page, Shal., and Slen.

Page, Shal., and Slen exit.

Quick. Speak to Mistress Page.

Quick. Talk to Mistress Page.

Fent. Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter

Fentanyl. Good Ms. Page, because I love your daughter

In such a righteous fashion as I do,

In the same honorable way that I do,

Perforce, against all checks, rebukes and manners,

80 I must advance the colours of my love,

80 I must express the colors of my love,

And not retire: let me have your good will.

And don’t quit: please give me your support.

Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.

Anne. Good mother, please don't marry me to that fool.

Mrs Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.

Ms. Page. I don't mean any harm; I'm looking for a better husband for you.

Quick. That’s my master, master doctor.

Quick. That's my master, Dr.

85 Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i’ the earth,

85 Anne. Unfortunately, I would rather be buried alive,

And bowl’d to death with turnips!

And knocked out cold by turnips!

Mrs Page. Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,

Mrs. Page. Come, don’t worry yourself. Good Master Fenton,

I will not be your friend nor enemy:

I won't be your friend or foe:

My daughter will I question how she loves you,

My daughter will I ask how she loves you,

90 And as I find her, so am I affected.

90 And the way I see her impacts how I feel.

Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;

Till then, goodbye, sir: she really has to go in;

Her father will be angry.

Her dad will be __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__.

218

Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.

Farewell, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mistress: goodbye, Nan.

Exeunt Mrs Page and Anne.

Mrs. Page and Anne exit.

Quick. This is my doing now: ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘will you 95 cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on Master Fenton:’ this is my doing.

Fast. This is my doing now: ‘No,’ I said, ‘are you really going to give up your child to some idiot, and a doctor? Look at Master Fenton:’ this is my doing.

Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night

Fentanyl. Thank you; and I ask you, just once tonight

Give my sweet Nan this ring: there’s for thy pains.

Give my sweet Nan this ring: it's for your efforts.

Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! [Exit III. 4.
100 Fenton.] A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; 105 for so I have promised, and I’ll be as good as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it! Exit.

Fast. Now may heaven send you good luck! [Exit III. 4.
100 Fenton.] He has a good heart: a woman would go through fire and water for such a good heart. But still, I wish my master had Mistress Anne; or I wish Master Slender had her; or honestly, I wish Master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for all three of them; 105 because I promised, and I’ll keep my word; but especially for Master Fenton. Well, I have another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses: what a fool am I to put it off! Log out.

III. 5 Scene 5. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.

Fal. Bardolph, I say,—

Bardolph, I tell you,—

Bard. Here, sir.

Here, sir.

Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in’t. [Exit Bard.] Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a barrow 5 of butcher’s offal, and to be thrown in the Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick, I’ll have my brains ta’en out, and buttered, and give them to a dog for a new-year’s gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a blind bitch’s puppies, 10 fifteen i’ the litter: and you may know by my size that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow,—a death that 219 I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing 15 should I have been when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.

Fal. Go get me a quart of sack; put a toast in it. [Exit Bard.] Have I really lived to be carried around in a basket, like a cart full of butcher’s scraps, and thrown into the Thames? Well, if I get treated like that again, I’ll have my brains taken out, buttered, and given to a dog as a New Year’s gift. Those scoundrels tossed me into the river with as little guilt as if they were drowning a bunch of puppies, fifteen in a litter; and you can tell by my size that I have a real knack for sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I’d go right down. I would have drowned, but the shore was sloped and shallow—a death I absolutely dread; because water makes a man swell, and what a thing I would have become when I’d been swollen! I would have been a mountain of mummy.

Re-enter Bardolph with sack.

Bard. Here’s Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.

Poet. Here’s Mistress Quickly, sir, to talk to you.

Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly’s as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balls 20 for pills to cool the reins. Call her in.

Fal. Come on, let me add some wine to the Thames water; my stomach feels as cold as if I had swallowed ice-cold snowballs 20 for pills to cool me down. Bring her in.

Bard. Come in, woman!

Come in, lady!

Enter Mistress Quickly.

Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship good morrow.

Fast. If you don't mind, I ask for your forgiveness: good morning to you.

Fal. Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle III. 5.
25 of sack finely.

Fal. Take away these cups. Go brew me a pottle III. 5.
25 of good sack.

Bard. With eggs, sir?

With eggs, sir?

Fal. Simple of itself; I’ll no pullet-sperm in my brewage. [Exit Bardolph.] How now!

Fal. Simple as that; I won't put any egg white in my drink. [Exit Bardolph.] What's going on now!

Quick. Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress 30 Ford.

Fast. Hey, sir, I’m coming to you from Mistress 30 Ford.

Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.

Fal. Mrs. Ford! I've had enough of fords; I was tossed into the ford; I'm tired of fords.

Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they mistook 35 their erection.

Fast. Oh no! Good heart, it wasn’t her fault: she really gets involved with her guys; they misinterpreted 35 their desire.

Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman’s promise.

Fal. I did the same, relying on a naive woman's promise.

Quick. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning 40 a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly: she’ll make you amends, I warrant you.

Fast. Well, she regrets, sir, that it would break your heart to see it. Her husband is going birdwatching this morning; she wants you to come see her again between eight and nine: I have to deliver her message quickly: she'll make it up to you, I promise.

Fal. Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her think what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then 45 judge of my merit.

Fal. Alright, I’ll go see her: let her know; and remind her to think about what a man is: let her consider his weakness, and then 45 judge my worth.

220

Quick. I will tell her.

Quick. I'll tell her.

Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?

Fal. Go ahead. You mean between nine and ten, right?

Quick. Eight and nine, sir.

Quick. 8 and 9, sir.

Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her.

Fal. Alright, go ahead: I won't miss her.

III. 5.
50 Quick. Peace be with you, sir. Exit.

III. 5.
50 Fast. Hello, sir. I wish you peace. Exit.

Fal. I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. —O, here he comes.

Fal. I can't believe I haven't heard from Master Brook; he told me to stay put. I do like his money. —Oh, here he comes.

Enter Ford.

Ford. Bless you, sir!

Bless you, sir!

55 Fal. Now, Master Brook,—you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford’s wife?

55 Fal. So, Master Brook,—you want to know what happened between me and Ford’s wife?

Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.

Ford. That’s exactly right, Sir John, it’s my job.

Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her house the hour she appointed me.

Fal. Master Brook, I won't lie to you: I was at her place at the time she said to be there.

60 Ford. And sped you, sir?

And __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, sir?

Fal. Very ill-favouredly, Master Brook.

Not very good-looking, Master Brook.

Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her determination?

Ford. How so, sir? Did she change her mind?

Fal. No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual ’larum of 65 jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife’s 70 love.

Fal. No, Master Brook; but the cranky Cornuto, her husband, Master Brook, who is always in a state of jealousy, shows up right when we were meeting, after we had embraced, kissed, declared our feelings, and, so to speak, set the stage for our little comedy; and right behind him is a crowd of his friends, stirred up by his jealousy, here to search his house for proof of his wife’s affair.

Ford. What, while you were there?

Ford. What, when you were there?

Fal. While I was there.

While I was there.

Ford. And did he search for you, and could not find you?

Ford. Did he look for you and not find you?

III. 5.
75 Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford’s approach; and, in her invention and Ford’s wife’s distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.

III. 5.
75 Fal. You'll hear. Just as luck would have it, Mistress Page comes in; she tells me Ford is on his way; and, in her cleverness and Ford's wife’s distraction, they hid me in a laundry basket.

221

Ford. A buck-basket!

A dollar basket!

80 Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket!—rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.

80 Fal. By the Lord, a laundry basket!—stuffed me in with dirty shirts and dresses, socks, dirty stockings, greasy napkins; that, Master Brook, was the most disgusting mix of filthy smell that ever assaulted my nose.

Ford. And how long lay you there?

Ford. And how long were you there?

85 Fal. Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford’s knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their 90 shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door, who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he for a search, and 95 away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths; first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; III. 5.
100 and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that,—a man of my kidney,—think of that,—that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation. And in 105 the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that,—hissing hot,—think of that, Master Brook.

85 Fal. No, you need to hear this, Master Brook, about what I've gone through to bring this woman to trouble for your sake. Stuffed in that basket, a couple of Ford's goons, his workers, were called by their mistress to carry me in the guise of dirty laundry to Datchet-lane: they lifted me up on their shoulders; then they bumped into their jealous master at the door, who asked them a couple of times what they had in the basket. I was terrified, afraid the crazy guy would check it; but fate, deciding he should be a cuckold, kept him from doing so. Well, he went off to search, and I was off with the dirty clothes. But listen to what happened next, Master Brook: I felt like I went through three several deaths; first, an unbearable scare of being caught by a jealous, pathetic fool; then, being crammed in tight, like a good sword, packed in with enough space to fit a peck, from hilt to point, heel to head; III. 5.
100 and finally, being stuck in there, like a strong distillation, with filthy clothes that were soaked in their own grease: just think about that—a man like me—think about that—who gets hot easily like butter; a man who’s always melting and dissolving: it was a miracle I didn’t suffocate. And at the peak of this ordeal, when I was more than halfway cooked in in grease, like some Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames and cooled, burning hot, in that surge, like a horseshoe; just think of that—sizzling hot—think of that, Master Brook.

Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake 110 you have suffered all this. My suit, then, is desperate; you’ll undertake her no more?

Ford. Honestly, sir, I'm really sorry that you've gone through all this because of me. My situation is hopeless; you won't be pursuing her anymore?

Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her 222 husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have received 115 from her another embassy of meeting; ’twixt eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.

Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, just like I have been into the Thames, before I leave her like this. Her 222 husband went birdwatching this morning. I've received 115 another request from her to meet up; between eight and nine is the time, Master Brook.

Ford. ’Tis past eight already, sir.

It’s past eight already, sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you 120 shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. Exit.

Fal. Is it? Then I’ll go ahead with my plan. Come to me whenever it suits you, and you’ll see how I do; and the outcome will end with you enjoying her. Goodbye. You will have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you will make a fool of Ford. Leave.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake! awake, Master Ford! there’s III. 5.
125 a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford. This ’tis to be married! this ’tis to have linen and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my house; he cannot ’scape me; ’tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny 130 purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides him should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me,—I’ll be horn-mad. Exit.

Ford. Hmm! Ha! Is this a vision? Is this a dream? Am I asleep? Master Ford, wake up! Wake up, Master Ford! There’s a hole in your best coat, Master Ford. This is what it means to be married! This is what having linens and laundry baskets is all about! Well, I will announce what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my house; he can’t escape me; it’s impossible for him to do so; he can’t squeeze into a halfpenny purse, nor or into a pepper box: but, just in case the devil guiding him helps him out, I will search everywhere that seems impossible. Though I can’t change who I am, being what I don’t want to be won’t make me submissive: if I have horns that drive me mad, let the proverb follow me—I’ll be horn-mad. Exit.

ACT IV.

IV. 1 Scene 1. A street.

Enter Ms. Page, Ms. Quickly, and William.

Mrs Page. Is he at Master Ford’s already, think’st thou?

Ms. Page. Do you think he’s already at Master Ford’s?

Quick. Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but, truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing into 5 the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.

Fast. Yeah, he’s definitely quick about this, or he will be soon: but honestly, he’s really brave about being tossed into 5 the water. Mistress Ford wants you to come right away.

Mrs Page. I’ll be with her by and by; I’ll but bring 223 my young man here to school. Look, where his master comes; ’tis a playing-day, I see.

Mrs. Page. I’ll be with her soon; I just need to bring 223 my young man to school. Look, here comes his teacher; it’s a playing day, I see.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans.

How now, Sir Hugh! no school to-day?

How's it going, Sir Hugh! No school today?

10 Evans. No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.

10 Evans. No; Master Slender is let the guys leave to hang out.

Quick. Blessing of his heart!

Bless his heart!

Mrs Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in the world at his book. I pray you, ask him 15 some questions in his accidence.

Ms. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says my son isn't getting anything useful from his studies. Please, ask him some questions about his grammar. 15

Evans. Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.

Evans. Come here, William; lift your head up; come on.

Mrs Page. Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your master, be not afraid.

Mrs. Page. Come on, buddy; hold your head up; answer your boss, don’t be scared.

Evans. William, how many numbers is in nouns?

Evans. William, how many numbers are in nouns?

20 Will. Two.

Two.

Quick. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they say, ‘Od’s nouns.’

Fast. Honestly, I thought there was one more number because they say, ‘God’s nouns.’

Evans. Peace your tattlings! What is ‘fair,’ William?

Evans. Calm down with your gossip! What does ‘fair’ mean, William?

Will. Pulcher.

IV. 1.
25 Quick. Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats, sure.

IV. 1.
25 Fast. Polecats! There are definitely nicer things than polecats, for sure.

Evans. You are a very simplicity ’oman: I pray you, peace. —What is ‘lapis,’ William?

Evans. You're a very simple woman: I ask you, peace. —What is 'lapis,' William?

Will. A stone.

A rock.

30 Evans. And what is ‘a stone,’ William?

So, what’s a 'stone,' William?

Will. A pebble.

A rock.

Evans. No, it is ‘lapis:’ I pray you, remember in your prain.

Evans. No, it's 'lapis:' I ask you, remember it in your mind.

Will. Lapis.

Lapis.

35 Evans. That is a good William. What is he, William, that does lend articles?

35 Evans. That's a good William. What is he, William, who lends things?

Will. Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, hæc, hoc.

Will. Articles are taken from the pronoun and are thus declined, Singular, nominative, this, this, this.

Evans. Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark: 40 genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?

Evans. Nominative, hig, hag, hog; please pay attention: 40 genitive, hujus. So, what’s your accusative case?

224

Will. Accusativo, hinc.

Will. __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__.

Evans. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; accusativo, hung, hang, hog.

Evans. Please remember this, child; accusative, hung, hang, hog.

Quick. ‘Hang-hog’ is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.

Fast. ‘Hang-hog’ is Latin for bacon, I assure you.

45 Evans. Leave your prabbles, ’oman. —What is the focative case, William?

45 Evans. Stop your nonsense, woman. —What is the vocative case, William?

Will. O,—vocativo, O.

O, hey.

Evans. Remember, William; focative is caret.

Evans. Remember, William; vocative is caret.

Quick. And that’s a good root.

Quick. And that’s a good base.

IV. 1.
50 Evans. ’Oman, forbear.

’Oman, chill.

Mrs Page. Peace!

Mrs Page. Calm down!

Evans. What is your genitive case plural, William?

Evans. What's your plural possessive form, William?

Will. Genitive case!

Genitive case!

Evans. Ay.

Ay.

55 Will. Genitive,—horum, harum, horum.

Genitive,—of these, of these, of these.

Quick. Vengeance of Jenny’s case! fie on her! never name her, child, if she be a whore.

Fast. Vengeance of Jenny’s case! Shame on her! Never mention her, child, if she is promiscuous.

Evans. For shame, ’oman.

For shame, woman.

Quick. You do ill to teach the child such words:—he 60 teaches him to hick and to hack, which they’ll do fast enough of themselves, and to call ‘horum’:—fie upon you!

Fast. It's not right to teach the child such words:—he 60 teaches him to make noises and to act out, which they'll do quickly enough on their own, and to say ‘horum’:—shame on you!

Evans. ’Oman, art thou lunaties? hast thou no understandings for thy cases, and the numbers of the genders? 65 Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires.

Evans. ’Man, are you lunaties? Don’t you have any understanding of your issues, and the numbers of the genders? 65 You are as foolish as any Christian person I could desires.

Mrs Page. Prithee, hold thy peace.

Mrs Page. Please be quiet.

Evans. Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.

Evans. Show me now, William, some forms of your pronouns.

Will. Forsooth, I have forgot.

Sure, I forgot.

70 Evans. It is qui, quæ, quod: if you forget your ‘quies,’ your ‘quæs,’ and your ‘quods,’ you must be preeches. Go your ways, and play; go.

70 Evans. It's whatever, quæ, right? If you forget your ‘rest,’ your ‘quæs,’ and your ‘stuff,’ you have to put up with it. Just go ahead and have fun; go.

Mrs Page. He is a better scholar than I thought he was.

Mrs. Page. He's a better student than I expected.

225

IV. 1.
75 Evans. He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.

IV. 1.
75 Evans. He has a great memory. Goodbye, Mistress Page.

Mrs Page. Adieu, good Sir Hugh.

Goodbye, Sir Hugh.

Exit Sir Hugh.

Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.

Get home, boy. Come on, we’ve stayed too long.

Exeunt.

Exit.

IV. 2 Scene 2. A room in Ford's house.

Enter Falstaff and Ms. Ford.

Fal. Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair’s breadth; not only, Mistress Ford, in the simple office of love, but in all the accoutrement, 5 complement, and ceremony of it. But are you sure of your husband now?

Fal. Mistress Ford, your sadness has worn down my patience. I see you are eager in your love, and I promise to return it fully; not just, Mistress Ford, in the basic act of love, but in all the extras, 5 details, and rituals that go along with it. But are you certain about your husband now?

Mrs Ford. He’s a-birding, sweet Sir John.

Ms. Ford. He’s out birdwatching, dear Sir John.

Mrs Page. [Within] What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!

Ms. Page. [Inside] Hey there, gossip Ford! Hey!

Mrs Ford. Step into the chamber, Sir John.

Ms. Ford. Come into the room, Sir John.

Exit Falstaff.

Enter Ms. Page.

10 Mrs Page. How now, sweetheart! who’s at home besides yourself?

10 Ms. Page. Hey there, sweetheart! Who else is home besides you?

Mrs Ford. Why, none but mine own people.

Ms. Ford. Why, only my own people.

Mrs Page. Indeed!

Mrs Page. Absolutely!

Mrs Ford. No, certainly. [Aside to her] Speak louder.

Ms. Ford. No, definitely. [Aside to her] Speak up.

15 Mrs Page. Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.

15 Ms. Page. Honestly, I’m really happy you don’t have anyone here.

Mrs Ford. Why?

Mrs Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again: he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails against all married mankind; so curses all Eve’s 20 daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets himself on the forehead, crying, ‘Peer out, peer out!’ that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but tameness, civility, and patience, to this his distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.

Ms. Page. Honestly, your husband is back to his old self again: he’s really going at it with my husband; he’s complaining about all married men; he’s cursing all of Eve’s daughters, no matter their background; and he’s banging on his forehead, shouting, ‘Peer out, peer out!’ that any craziness I’ve ever seen seems calm and polite compared to the state he’s in now. I’m glad the fat knight isn’t around.

226

IV. 2.
25 Mrs Ford. Why, does he talk of him?

IV. 2.
25 Mrs Ford. Why, is he talking about him?

Mrs Page. Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests to my husband he is now here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their company from their sport, to make 30 another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.

Mrs. Page. No one but him; and he insists that the last time he looked for him, he was taken away in a basket; he tells my husband he is here now; and he has pulled him and the rest of their group away from their game to test his suspicion again: but I’m glad the knight isn’t here; now he’ll see how foolish he is.

Mrs Ford. How near is he, Mistress Page?

Ms. Ford. How close is he, Mistress Page?

Mrs Page. Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.

Mrs. Page. Nearby; at street end; he will be here shortly.

Mrs Ford. I am undone!—the knight is here.

Ms. Ford. I’m at a loss!—the knight is here.

35 Mrs Page. Why, then, you are utterly shamed, and he’s but a dead man. What a woman are you!—Away with him, away with him! better shame than murder.

35 Ms. Page. Well, then, you're completely embarrassed, and he's just a goner. What kind of woman are you!—Get him out of here, get him out of here! Better to be ashamed than to commit murder.

Mrs Ford. Which way should he go? how should I bestow him? Shall I put him into the basket again?

Mrs. Ford. Which way should he go? How should I handle him? Should I put him back in the basket again?

Re-enter Falstaff.

40 Fal. No, I’ll come no more i’ the basket. May I not go out ere he come?

40 Fal. No, I’m not getting back in that basket. Can’t I leave before he gets here?

Mrs Page. Alas, three of Master Ford’s brothers watch the door with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you 45 here?

Ms. Page. Unfortunately, three of Master Ford’s brothers are watching the door closely, making sure no one can leave; otherwise, you might sneak out before he arrives. But what are you doing 45 here?

Fal. What shall I do?—I’ll creep up into the chimney.

Fal. What should I do?—I’ll climb up into the chimney.

Mrs Ford. There they always use to discharge their birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole.

Ms. Ford. That's where they always used to fire their shotguns. Creep into the kiln-hole.

Fal. Where is it?

Where is it?

IV. 2.
50 Mrs Ford. He will seek there, on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.

IV. 2.
50 Ms. Ford. He will look for you there, I promise. There’s no box, safe, chest, trunk, well, or vault that he doesn't have a record of, and he goes to these places by his notes: you can't hide from him in this house.

Fal. I’ll go out, then.

I’ll head out, then.

55 Mrs Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir John. Unless you go out disguised,—

55 Mrs Page. If you go out looking like yourself, you’re done for, Sir John. Unless you go out dressed differently,—

227

Mrs Ford. How might we disguise him?

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ How do we hide him?

Mrs Page. Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman’s gown big enough for him; otherwise he might put 60 on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.

Ms. Page. Oh dear, I really don’t know! There isn’t a woman’s dress large enough for him; otherwise, he could just put on a hat, a scarf, and a wrap, and slip away. 60

Fal. Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather than a mischief.

Fal. Come on, good folks, come up with something: anything is better than a mischief.

Mrs Ford. My maid’s aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above.

Mrs. Ford. My maid’s aunt, the overweight woman from Brentford, has a dress above.

65 Mrs Page. On my word, it will serve him; she’s as big as he is: and there’s her thrummed hat, and her muffler too. Run up, Sir John.

65 Mrs. Page. Honestly, it will get to him; she's as big as he is: and there's her thrummed hat and her scarf too. Go on, Sir John.

Mrs Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will look some linen for your head.

Ms. Ford. Go on, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will find some linen for your head.

70 Mrs Page. Quick, quick! we’ll come dress you straight: put on the gown the while. Exit Falstaff.

70 Mrs. Page. Hurry, hurry! We'll get you dressed right away: put on the gown in the meantime. Exit Falstaff.

Mrs Ford. I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears she’s a witch; forbade her my house, and hath IV. 2.
75 threatened to beat her.

Ms. Ford. I wish my husband would run into him like this: he can’t stand the old woman from Brentford; he says she’s a witch; he banned her from my house, and he has IV. 2.
75 threatened to beat her.

Mrs Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband’s cudgel, and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!

Mrs. Page. May heaven lead him to your husband’s club, and may the devil guide that club afterward!

Mrs Ford. But is my husband coming?

Ms. Ford. But is my husband on his way?

Mrs Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and talks of 80 the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.

Ms. Page. Yes, he really is, and he's talking about the basket too, no matter how he got the information.

Mrs Ford. We’ll try that; for I’ll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time.

Mrs. Ford. Let’s do that; I’ll have my guys carry the basket again to meet him at the door, just like last time.

Mrs Page. Nay, but he’ll be here presently: let’s go 85 dress him like the witch of Brentford.

Mrs. Page. No, but he’ll be here soon: let’s go 85 dress him up like the witch of Brentford.

Mrs Ford. I’ll first direct my men what they shall do with the basket. Go up; I’ll bring linen for him straight. Exit.

Mrs. Ford. I’ll first tell my men what to do with the basket. Go ahead; I’ll get the linen for him right away. Log out.

Mrs Page. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.

Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest scoundrel! We can't punish him enough.

90 We’ll leave a proof, by that which we will do,

90 We’ll show proof through our actions,

228

Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:

Wives can be happy and still be honest too:

We do not act that often jest and laugh;

We don't joke and laugh that often;

’Tis old, but true,—

It's old, but true,—

Still swine eat all the draff. Exit.

Still pigs eat all the scraps. Leave.

Re-enter Ms. Ford with two Staff.

Mrs Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your 95 shoulders: your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey him: quickly, dispatch. Exit.

Mrs. Ford. Go on, sirs, take the basket back on your 95 shoulders: your master is waiting at the door; if he tells you to put it down, do it: hurry up, move along. Leave.

First Serv. Come, come, take it up.

First Service. Come on, pick it up.

Sec. Serv. Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.

Sec. Serv. I hope it’s not full of knight again.

First Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.

First Service. I hope not; I couldn't handle carrying that much weight.

Enter Ford, Page, Shallow, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans.

IV. 2.
100 Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket, villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket!—O you panderly rascals! there’s a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil be shamed. —What, 105 wife, I say!—Come, come forth! Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching!

IV. 2.
100 Ford. Yeah, but if it turns out to be true, Master Page, do you have a way to un-make me a fool again? Put down the basket, villain! Someone call my wife. Youth in a basket!—Oh, you scheming scoundrels! There’s a group, a ging, a whole operation, a conspiracy against me: now the devil will be shamed. —What, 105 wife, I say!—Come, come out! Look at what honest clothes you’re sending out to be cleaned!

Page. Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned.

Page. Why, this is too much, Master Ford; you can't be free any longer; you have to be restrained.

Evans. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad 110 dog!

Evans. This is crazy! This is as mad as a lunatic 110 dog!

Shal. Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

Shall. Honestly, Master Ford, this isn’t good, really.

Ford. So say I too, sir.

Ford. I agree, sir.

Re-enter Ms. Ford.

Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the 115 jealous fool to her husband! I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?

Come here, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous person, who has the jealous fool as her husband! I suspect without reason, do I?

229

Mrs Ford. Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in any dishonesty.

Ms. Ford. I swear, if you think I'm being dishonest, you have no idea what you're talking about.

Ford. Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, 120 sirrah! Pulling clothes out of the basket.

Ford. Well said, bold one! Hold it out. Come here, 120 you! Taking clothes out of the basket.

Page. This passes!

This is approved!

Mrs Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.

Ms. Ford. Aren't you embarrassed? Just leave the clothes alone.

Ford. I shall find you anon.

I will find you soon.

Evans. ’Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your IV. 2.
125 wife’s clothes? Come away.

Evans. It’s unreasonable! Are you really going to wear your wife’s clothes? Come on. IV. 2.
125

Ford. Empty the basket, I say!

Ford. Clear the basket, I say!

Mrs Ford. Why, man, why?

Mrs Ford. Why, dude, why?

Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may 130 not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is: my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable. Pluck me out all the linen.

Ford. Master Page, as I’m a man, someone was taken out of my house yesterday in this basket: why can’t he be there again? I’m sure he’s in my house: my information is accurate; my jealousy makes sense. Take out all the laundry.

Mrs Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea’s death.

Ms. Ford. If you find a man there, he'll be in big trouble.

135 Page. Here’s no man.

There’s no man here.

Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this wrongs you.

Shall. Honestly, this isn't right, Master Ford; this isn't fair to you.

Evans. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.

Evans. Mr. Ford, you need to pray and not get caught up in your own thoughts: this is jealousy.

140 Ford. Well, he’s not here I seek for.

140 Ford. Well, he’s not the one I’m looking for.

Page. No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.

Page. No, not anywhere else but in your mind.

Ford. Help to search my house this one time. If I find not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, ‘As 145 jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife’s leman.’ Satisfy me once more; once more search with me.

Ford. Help me search my house this one time. If I don’t find what I’m looking for, don’t show any signs of my distress; let me always be your source of entertainment; let them say about me, ‘As jealous as Ford, who searched a hollow walnut for his wife’s lover.’ Satisfy me once again; search with me one more time.

Mrs Ford. What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman down; my husband will come into the chamber.

Ms. Ford. Hey, Mistress Page! Bring the old woman down; my husband is coming into the room.

Ford. Old woman! what old woman’s that?

Ford. Old woman! Who is that old woman?

IV. 2.
150 Mrs Ford. Why, it is my maid’s aunt of Brentford.

IV. 2.
150 Ms. Ford. Well, it’s my maid’s aunt from Brentford.

Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what’s brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works 155 by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as 230 this is, beyond our element: we know nothing. Come down, you witch, you hag, you; come down, I say!

Ford. A witch, a trickster, an old con artist! Haven't I told her not to come to my house? She shows up with excuses, huh? We're just simple folks; we have no idea what's going on under the guise of fortune-telling. She uses charms, spells, figures, and all that nonsense that we can't understand: we know nothing about it. Come down, you witch, you hag; come down, I say!

Mrs Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband!—Good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman.

Ms. Ford. No, dear, sweet husband!—Good gentlemen, let him not hit the old woman.

Re-enter Falstaff in woman’s clothes, and Mistress Page .

160 Mrs Page. Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.

160 Ms. Page. Come on, Mother Prat; come, take my hand.

Ford. I’ll prat her. [Beating him] Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon! out, out! I’ll conjure you, I’ll fortune-tell you.

Ford. I’ll deal with her. [Beating him] Get out of my house, you witch, you hag, you nuisance, you skunk, you scullion! Out, out! I’ll drive you away, I’ll predict your future.

Exit Falstaff.

165 Mrs Page. Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the poor woman.

165 Ms. Page. Aren't you ashamed? I think you’ve actually killed the poor woman.

Mrs Ford. Nay, he will do it. ’Tis a goodly credit for you.

Ms. Ford. No, he will do it. It’s a great honor for you.

Ford. Hang her, witch!

Hang her, witch!

170 Evans. By yea and no, I think the ’oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a ’oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard under his muffler.

170 Evans. By yea and no, I believe the ’oman is definitely a witch: I don't like it when a woman has a big beard; I notice a big beard under his muffler.

Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus IV. 2.
175 upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.

Ford. Will you follow me, gentlemen? I urge you, please follow; just look at the result of my jealousy: if I shout like this IV. 2.
175 about no trail, never trust me again when I speak up.

Page. Let’s obey his humour a little further: come, gentlemen.

Page. Let’s entertain his humor a bit longer: come on, guys.

Exeunt Ford, Page, Shal., Caius, and Evans.

Mrs Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.

Ms. Page. Trust me, he defeated him really badly.

Mrs Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat 180 him most unpitifully methought.

Ms. Ford. No, by the mass, he definitely did not; he really beat him up quite badly, I think. 180

Mrs Page. I’ll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o’er the altar; it hath done meritorious service.

Ms. Page. I'll have the staff blessed and hung over the altar; it has served well.

Mrs Ford. What think you? may we, with the warrant of womanhood and the witness of a good conscience, pursue 185 him with any further revenge?

Ms. Ford. What do you think? Can we, with the assurance of being women and the support of a clear conscience, go after him for more revenge? 185

231

Mrs Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again.

Ms. Page. The spirit of carefree mischief is definitely scared out of him: if the devil doesn't own him outright, with fine and recovery, I doubt he will ever try to bother us again.

190 Mrs Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?

190 Mrs. Ford. Should we tell our husbands how we helped him?

Mrs Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband’s brains. If they can find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any 195 further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers.

Ms. Page. Yes, definitely; even if it's just to extract the numbers from your husband's brains. If they can find it in their hearts to let the unfortunate, unvirtuous fat knight suffer any longer, we two will still take action. 195

Mrs Ford. I’ll warrant they’ll have him publicly shamed: and methinks there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly shamed.

Mrs. Ford. I'm sure they'll have him publicly humiliated; and I think there would be no period to the jest, if he weren't publicly shamed.

Mrs Page. Come, to the forge with it, then; shape it: IV. 2.
200 I would not have things cool.

Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it, then; shape it: IV. 2.
200 I don't want things to be dull.

Exeunt.

Exit.

IV. 3 Scene 3. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Host and Bardolph.

Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and they are going to meet him.

Poet. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses: the duke himself will be at court tomorrow, and they are planning to meet him.

Host. What duke should that be comes so secretly? I 5 hear not of him in the court. Let me speak with the gentlemen: they speak English?

Host. Which duke is arriving so quietly? I 5 haven't heard anything about him at the court. Let me talk to the gentlemen: do they speak English?

Bard. Ay, sir; I’ll call them to you.

Bard. Ay, sir; I’ll get them for you.

Host. They shall have my horses; but I’ll make them pay; I’ll sauce them: they have had my house a week at 10 command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I’ll sauce them. Come.

Host. They can take my horses, but they'll have to pay for it; I'll give them a hard time: they've had my house on their orders for a week; I've sent away my other guests: they have to come off; I'll give them a hard time. Come.

Exeunt.

Exit.

232

IV. 4 Scene 4. A room in Ford's house.

Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mr. Hugh Evans.

Evans. ’Tis one of the best discretions of a ’oman as ever I did look upon.

Evans. This is one of the best qualities of a ’oman that I have ever seen.

Page. And did he send you both these letters at an instant?

Page. Did he really send you both of these letters at the same time?

5 Mrs Page. Within a quarter of an hour.

In around fifteen minutes.

Ford. Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt;

Ford. Excuse me, wife. From now on, do what you want;

I rather will suspect the sun with cold

I would rather suspect the sun with cold

Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour stand,

Than you with promiscuity: now does your honor stand,

In him that was of late an heretic,

In him who was recently a heretic,

As firm as faith.

As a company __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__.

10 Page.

’Tis well, ’tis well; no more:

Be not as extreme in submission

Don't be __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in submission

As in offence.

But let our plot go forward: let our wives

But let's move on with our story: let's get our wives

Yet once again, to make us public sport,

Yet once again, to make us a public spectacle,

15 Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,

15 Set up a meeting with this old, overweight guy,

Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it.

Where we can take him and shame him for it.

Ford. There is no better way than that they spoke of.

Ford. There's no better way than how they talked about it.

Page. How? to send him word they’ll meet him in the Park at midnight? Fie, fie! he’ll never come.

Page. How can I let him know they'll meet him in the Park at midnight? Ugh, no way, he won't show up.

20 Evans. You say he has been thrown in the rivers, and has been grievously peaten, as an old ’oman: methinks there should be terrors in him that he should not come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have no desires.

20 Evans. You say he has been thrown in the rivers, and has been seriously beaten, like an old woman: I think there should be terrors in him that he shouldn't come; I think his body is hurt, he won't have any desires.

Page. So think I too.

Page. I think so too.

IV. 4.
25 Mrs Ford. Devise but how you’ll use him when he comes,

IV. 4.
25 Ms. Ford. Just figure out how you’ll handle him when he arrives,

And let us two devise to bring him thither.

And let's figure out how to bring him there.

233

Mrs Page. There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter,

Ms. Page. There's an old story that says Herne the Hunter,

Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,

Sometime a caretaker here in Windsor Forest,

Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,

30 Walk round about an oak, with great ragg’d horns;

30 Walk around an oak tree, with great ragg’d horns;

And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,

And there he blows up the tree, and takes the cattle,

And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain

And makes milk cows produce blood, and shakes a chain

In a most hideous and dreadful manner:

In a really awful and terrifying way:

You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know

You’ve heard of that kind of spirit; and you know well

35 The superstitious idle-headed eld

The superstitious lazy old people

Receiv’d, and did deliver to our age,

Receieved, and delivered to our time,

This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.

This is the true story of Herne the Hunter.

Page. Why, yet there want not many that do fear

Page. Well, there are still quite a few who are afraid.

In deep of night to walk by this Herne’s oak:

In the dead of night to walk by this Herne's oak:

But what of this?

But what about this?

40 Mrs Ford.

Mrs. Ford.

Marry, this is our device;

Hey, this is our plan;

That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.

That Falstaff will meet us at that oak.

Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he’ll come:

Page. Well, there's no doubt he'll show up:

And in this shape when you have brought him thither,

And in this form when you have brought him there,

What shall be done with him? what is your plot?

What should we do with him? What's your plan?

45 Mrs Page. That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:

45 Ms. Page. We have also considered that, and here’s what we think:

Nan Page my daughter and my little son

Nan Page, my daughter, and my little son

And three or four more of their growth we’ll dress

And we’ll dress three or four more of their growth.

Like urchins, ouphes and fairies, green and white,

Like sea urchins, elves, and fairies, green and white,

With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,

With rows of wax candles on their heads,

IV. 4.
50 And rattles in their hands: upon a sudden,

IV. 4.
50 And shakes in their hands: all of a sudden,

As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met,

As Falstaff, she, and I have just reconnected,

Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once

Let them rush out of the sawpit right away.

With some diffused song: upon their sight,

With a soft song playing in the background: upon their view,

We two in great amazedness will fly:

We two will fly in great amazement:

55 Then let them all encircle him about,

55 Then let them all surround him,

And, fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight;

And, like a fairy, to-pinch the unclean knight;

234

And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,

And ask him why, during that hour of magical celebration,

In their so sacred paths he dares to tread

In their sacred paths, he has the courage to walk.

In shape profane.

In bad shape.

Mrs Ford.

Ms. Ford.

And till he tell the truth,

And until he tells the truth,

60 Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound,

Let the so-called fairies pinch __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__,

And burn him with their tapers.

And burn him with their candles.

Mrs Page.

Mrs. Page.

The truth being known,

The truth is known,

We’ll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,

We’ll all introduce ourselves, remove the spirit,

And mock him home to Windsor.

And tease him all the way back to Windsor.

Ford.

Ford.

The children must

The kids must

Be practised well to this, or they’ll ne’er do’t.

Be practiced well at this, or they’ll never do it.

65 Evans. I will teach the children their behaviours; and I will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the knight with my taber.

65 Evans. I'll teach the kids how to behave; and I'll also act like a clown to annoy the knight with my taber.

Ford. That will be excellent. I’ll go and buy them vizards.

Ford. That sounds great. I’ll go buy those masks.

70 Mrs Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,

70 Ms. Page. My grandmother will be the queen of all the fairies,

Finely attired in a robe of white.

Finely dressed in a white robe.

Page. That silk will I go buy. [Aside] And in that time

Page. I'm going to buy that silk. [Aside] And in that time

Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away,

Shall Master Slender take my Nan away,

And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.

And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff right away.

IV. 4.
75 Ford. Nay, I’ll to him again in name of Brook:

IV. 4.
75 Ford. No, I’ll go to him again in name of Brook:

He’ll tell me all his purpose: sure, he’ll come.

He’ll share his entire plan with me: definitely, he’ll show up.

Mrs Page. Fear not you that. Go get us properties

Mrs. Page. Don't worry about that. Go get us the things we need.

And tricking for our fairies.

Evans. Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures and 80 fery honest knaveries.

Evans. Let's talk about it: it's delightful fun and 80 very honest tricks.

Exeunt Page, Ford, and Evans.

Exit Page, Ford, and Evans.

Mrs Page. Go, Mistress Ford,

Mrs. Page. Go, Ms. Ford,

Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.

Send a quick message to Sir John to find out what he thinks.

Exit Mrs Ford.

Exit Mrs. Ford.

I’ll to the doctor: he hath my good will,

I’ll go to the doctor: he has my support,

And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.

And no one else but him to marry Nan Page.

85 That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;

85 That Slender, even though he comes from a good background, is an idiot;

235

And he my husband best of all affects.

And he my husband is the one I care for the most.

The doctor is well money’d, and his friends

The doctor is well-off, and his friends

Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,

Potent at court: he, no one but him, shall have her,

Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her. Exit.

Though twenty thousand more deserving come to ask for her. Log out.

IV. 5 Scene 5. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Host and Simple.

Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? what, thick-skin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.

Host. What do you want, you rude person? What, are you thick-skinned? Speak up, breathe, talk; briefly, short, quick, snap.

Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff from Master Slender.

Yep. Hey there, sir, I’m here to talk to Sir John Falstaff on behalf of Master Slender.

5 Host. There’s his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; ’tis painted about with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go knock and call; he’ll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: knock, I say.

5 Host. There’s his room, his house, his castle, his regular bed, and his trundle bed; it’s decorated with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go knock and call; he’ll talk to you like some strange, cannibalistic figure: knock, I say.

10 Sim. There’s an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber: I’ll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down; I come to speak with her, indeed.

10 Yes. There’s an old woman, a heavy woman, gone up into his room: I’ll be bold enough to wait, sir, until she comes down; I really need to talk to her.

Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I’ll call. —Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from thy 15 lungs military: art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.

Host. Ha! A heavyset woman! The knight could get robbed: I’ll call. —Hey there, knight! Hey, Sir John! Speak up from your lungs: are you there? It’s your host, your Ephesian, calling.

Fal. [Above] How now, mine host!

Hey there, my host!

Host. Here’s a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her 20 descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy? fie!

Host. Here’s a Bohemian-Tartar waiting for your heavyset woman to come down. Let her come down, come on, let her 20 come down; my rooms are respectable: come on! Privacy? Come on!

Enter Falstaff.

Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with me; but she’s gone.

Fal. There was an old, overweight woman with me just now, but she's gone.

Sim. Pray you, sir, was’t not the wise woman of Brentford?

Yep. Please, sir, wasn’t it the wise woman of Brentford?

IV. 5.
25 Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell: what would you with her?

IV. 5.
25 Fal. Yeah, definitely, was it, muscle-shell: what do you want with her?

236

Sim. My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain or no.

Yep. My master, sir, Master Slender, sent someone to her when he saw her walking thorough the streets, to find out, sir, whether a guy named Nym, sir, who tricked him out of a chain, had the chain or not.

30 Fal. I spake with the old woman about it.

30 Fal. I talked to the old woman about it.

Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir?

Yep. And what does she say, may I ask, sir?

Fal. Marry, she says that the very same man that beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of it.

Fal. Honestly, she says that the same guy who tricked Master Slender out of his chain also swindled him out of it.

Sim. I would I could have spoken with the woman 35 herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too from him.

Yes. I wish I could have talked to the woman 35 herself; I had other things to discuss with her too on his behalf.

Fal. What are they? let us know.

Fal. What are they? Let us know.

Host. Ay, come; quick.

Hey, come on; hurry up.

Sim. I may not conceal them, sir.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I might not know __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ them, sir.

40 Host. Conceal them, or thou diest.

40 Host. Hide them, or you will die.

Sim. Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master’s fortune to have her or no.

Yep. Well, sir, they were only asking about Mistress Anne Page; to find out if it was my master’s luck to have her or not.

Fal. ’Tis, ’tis his fortune.

It's, it's his fortune.

45 Sim. What, sir?

What, sir?

Fal. To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.

Fal. To have her or not. Go on; tell them the woman said that.

Sim. May I be bold to say so, sir?

Yep. Can I be bold enough to say that, sir?

Fal. Ay, sir; like who more bold.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ who is bolder.

IV. 5.
50 Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. Exit.

IV. 5.
50 Yep. Thank you, your honor: I will share this news with my master and make him happy. Leave.

Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with thee?

Host. You're quite the scholar, Sir John. Was there a wise woman with you?

Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath 55 taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life; and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.

Fal. Yeah, that’s true, my friend; someone who taught me more cleverness than I’ve ever learned in my life; and I didn’t pay anything for it either, but I actually got paid for learning.

237

Enter Bardolph.

Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!

Artist. Oh no, sir! It's all just trickery, pure trickery!

Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, 60 varletto.

Host. Where are my horses? Talk nicely about them, 60 servant.

Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

Writer. Run away with the tricksters: as soon as I got past Eton, they tossed me off, from behind one of them, into a muddy pit; and took off, like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

65 Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not say they be fled; Germans are honest men.

65 Host. They've only gone to meet the duke, you fool: don't say they've run away; Germans are good people.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans.

Evans. Where is mine host?

Where's the host?

Host. What is the matter, sir?

What’s wrong, sir?

Evans. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a 70 friend of mine come to town, tells me there is three cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and ’tis not convenient you should be IV. 5.
75 cozened. Fare you well. Exit.

Evans. Be careful with your entertainment choices: a friend of mine just came to town and told me that there are three con artists who have swindled all the innkeepers of Readins, Maidenhead, and Colebrook, taking their horses and money. I'm telling you this out of good intentions, you know: you’re smart, witty, and it wouldn’t be wise for you to get scammed. Take care. Exit.

Enter Dr. Caius.

Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarteer?

Caius. Where is my host de Jarteer?

Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

Host. Here, master doctor, in confusion and a tough situation.

Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat 80 you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to come. I tell you for good vill: adieu. Exit.

Caius. I can't say what that is: but I'm being told that 80 you're making grand arrangements for a duke from Germany: I swear, there’s no duke known to be coming to the court. I'm telling you for your own good: goodbye. Leave.

Host. Hue and cry, villain, go!—Assist me, knight. —I am undone!—Fly, run, hue and cry, villain!—I am 85 undone!

Host. Shout for help, you crook, go!—Help me, knight. —I'm finished!—Run, hurry, shout for help, you scoundrel!—I'm 85 finished!

Exeunt Host and Bard.

Fal. I would all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to 238 the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they 90 would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor fishermen’s boots with me: I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough [to say my prayers,] I 95 would repent.

Fal. I wish everyone could be tricked; because I've been fooled and beaten too. If the court heard about how I've changed and how that change has been beaten into me, they would squeeze me dry, drop by drop, and fill fishermen's boots with me. I bet they'd mock me with their cleverness until I felt as deflated as a dried-up pear. I haven't had any luck since I broke my oath playing primero. Well, if I just had enough energy [to say my prayers,] I 95 would repent.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

Now, whence come you?

Where are you from?

Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.

Quick. From the two parties, indeed.

Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more IV. 5.
100 for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy of man’s disposition is able to bear.

Fal. To hell with one side, and the other can go too! They're both getting what they deserve. I've suffered more IV. 5.
100 for them than any human's wicked inconsistency should have to endure.

Quick. And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot 105 about her.

Fast. Haven't they suffered? Yes, I guarantee it; especially one of them; Mistress Ford, poor thing, is bruised all over so you can’t see a white spot on her. 105

Fal. What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the 110 action of an old woman, delivered me, the knave constable had set me i’ the stocks, i’ the common stocks, for a witch.

Fal. What are you talking about with black and blue? I got beaten into every color of the rainbow; I was almost caught as the witch of Brentford. Luckily, my amazing quick thinking and pretending to be an old woman saved me, or that clueless constable would have locked me up in the stocks, in the public stocks, for being a witch.

Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your content. 115 Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so crossed.

Fast. Sir, can I talk to you in your room? You’ll find out how things are going, and I promise it will satisfy you. 115 Here’s a letter that will say something. Goodness, what a fuss it is to get you two together! One of you must not be pleasing heaven if you’re facing such difficulties.

Fal. Come up into my chamber.

Come up to my room.

Exeunt.

Exit.

239

IV. 6 Scene 6. The same. Another room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Fenton and Host.

Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I will give over all.

Host. Master Fenton, don’t talk to me; I’m feeling weighed down: I’m going to give up on everything.

Fent. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,

Fentanyl. But please listen to me. Help me with my goal,

And, as I am a gentleman, I’ll give thee

And, since I’m a gentleman, I’ll give you

5 A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.

5 A hundred pounds in gold, plus your loss.

Host. I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the least keep your counsel.

Host. I’ll listen to you, Master Fenton, and I’ll at least keep your advice to myself.

Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you

Fentanyl. Every now and then, I've kept you informed

With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;

With the deep affection I have for lovely Anne Page;

10 Who mutually hath answer’d my affection,

10 Who has responded to my feelings,

So far forth as herself might be her chooser,

So far as she could choose for herself,

Even to my wish: I have a letter from her

Even with my wish: I have a letter from her.

Of such contents as you will wonder at;

Of the kind of things that will amaze you;

The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,

The joy whereof so filled with my stuff,

15 That neither singly can be manifested,

15 That neither one can be shown,

Without the show of both; fat Falstaff

Without showing both; __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__

Hath a great scene: the image of the jest

Hath a great scene: the image of the joke

I’ll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.

I’ll show you everything here. Listen up, my good host.

To-night at Herne’s oak, just ’twixt twelve and one,

To night at Herne’s oak, just between twelve and one,

20 Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;

Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;

The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,

The reason why is here: in which disguise,

While other jests are something rank on foot,

While other jokes are just awkward.

Her father hath commanded her to slip

Her father has ordered her to sneak

Away with Slender, and with him at Eton

IV. 6.
25 Immediately to marry: she hath consented:

IV. 6.
25 She has agreed to get married right away:

Now, sir,

Her mother, even strong against that match,

Her mom, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ strong against that match,

And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed

And firm for Doctor Caius, has appointed

That he shall likewise shuffle her away,

That he will also push her aside,

While other sports are tasking of their minds,

While other sports challenge their minds,

240

And at the deanery, where a priest attends,

And at the dean's office, where a priest is present,

Straight marry her: to this her mother’s plot

Straight marry her: to this her mother’s scheme

She seemingly obedient likewise hath

She also seems obedient.

Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:

Made a promise to the doctor. Now, it stands like this:

35 Her father means she shall be all in white;

35 Her dad wants her to wear all white;

And in that habit, when Slender sees his time

And in that habit, when Slender sees his chance

To take her by the hand and bid her go,

To take her by the hand and tell her to leave,

She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,

She will go with him: her mother has planned,

The better to denote her to the doctor,—

40 For they must all be mask’d and vizarded,—

40 For they must all be masked and disguised,—

That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,

That old-fashioned green dress will be loosely fitted on her,

With ribands pendent, flaring ’bout her head;

With ribbons hanging down, flaring around her head;

And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,

And when the doctor sees his opportunity is right,

To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,

To grab her by the hand, and, on that note,

45 The maid hath given consent to go with him.

45 The maid has agreed to go with him.

Host. Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

Host. So, does she mean to deceive her father or her mother?

Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me:

Fentanyl. Both, my good host, to join me:

And here it rests,—that you’ll procure the vicar

And here it is—make sure you get the vicar.

To stay for me at church ’twixt twelve and one,

To stay for me at church between twelve and one,

IV. 6.
50 And, in the lawful name of marrying,

IV. 6.
50 And, in the official name of marrying,

To give our hearts united ceremony.

To unite our hearts __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__.

Host. Well, husband your device; I’ll to the vicar:

Host. Well, hold on to your plan; I’m going to talk to the vicar:

Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.

Bring the maid, and you won't be short of a priest.

Fent. So shall I evermore be bound to thee;

Fentanyl. So I will always be tied to you;

55 Besides, I’ll make a present recompense.

55 Besides, I’ll make a nice gift in return.

Exeunt.

Exit.

ACT V.

V. 1 Scene 1. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Mistress Quickly.

Fal. Prithee, no more prattling; go. I’ll hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away! go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!

Fal. Please, no more talking; just go. I’ll be fine. This is the third time; I hope good luck comes in odd numbers. Go on! They say there's a certain magic in odd numbers, whether it’s in birth, fate, or death. Go on!

241

5 Quick. I’ll provide you a chain; and I’ll do what I can to get you a pair of horns.

5 Quick. I’ll get you a chain, and I’ll do my best to find you a pair of horns.

Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince.

Fal. Go away, I said; time is passing: keep your chin up and walk gracefully.

Exit Mrs Quickly.

Exit Mrs. Quickly.

Enter Ford.

How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter will 10 be known to-night, or never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you shall see wonders.

How's it going, Master Brook! Master Brook, the situation will be revealed tonight, or never. Be in the Park around midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you’ll see amazing things.

Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed?

Ford. Didn't you go to see her yesterday, sir, like you said you would?

Fal. I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a 15 poor old man: but I came from her, Master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you:—he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of 20 man, Master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver’s beam; because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me: I’ll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I plucked geese, played truant, and whipped top, I knew not what ’twas to be beaten till lately. Follow V. 1.
25 me: I’ll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow.

Fal. I went to see her, Master Brook, looking like a poor old man: but I left her, Master Brook, feeling like a poor old woman. That scoundrel Ford, her husband, has a wicked case of jealousy in him, Master Brook, that I've never seen before. Let me tell you: he hit me hard, disguised as a woman; because when I’m in the form of a man, Master Brook, I don’t fear Goliath with a weaver’s beam; and I also know life is just a back-and-forth. I'm in a rush; come with me: I’ll tell you everything, Master Brook. Since I was a kid, playing hooky and spinning tops, I didn’t know what it felt like to be beaten until recently. Follow me: I've got some strange stories about this scoundrel Ford, and tonight I’m going to get my revenge and hand his wife over to you. Come on. There are strange things ahead, Master Brook! Follow.

Exeunt.

Exit.

V. 2 Scene 2. Windsor Park.

Enter Page, Shallow, and Slim.

Page. Come, come; we’ll couch i’ the castle-ditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter.

Page. Come on; we’ll hang out in the castle ditch until we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my daughter.

Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we 5 have a nay-word how to know one another: I come to her 242 in white, and cry, ‘mum;’ she cries ‘budget;’ and by that we know one another.

Sleek. Yeah, for sure; I've talked with her, and we 5 have a secret way to recognize each other: I go to her 242 dressed in white, and I say, ‘mum;’ she responds ‘budget;’ and that's how we identify each other.

Shal. That’s good too: but what needs either your ‘mum’ or her ‘budget?’ the white will decipher her well 10 enough. It hath struck ten o’clock.

Shall. That's good too: but why do you need your 'mom' or her 'budget?' The white will figure her out well enough. 10 It's already ten o'clock.

Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let’s away; follow me.

Page. The night is dark; light and spirits will fit in nicely. May heaven support our fun! No one has bad intentions except for the devil, and we’ll recognize him by his horns. Let's go; follow me.

Exeunt.

Exit.

V. 3 Scene 3. A street leading to the Park.

Enter Ms. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius.

Mrs Page. Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the Park: we two must go together.

Mrs. Page. Doctor, my daughter is dressed in green: when you're ready, take her by the hand and quickly bring her to the deanery. You go ahead to the Park first: we need to go together.

5 Caius. I know vat I have to do. Adieu.

5 Caius. I know what I need to do. Goodbye.

Mrs Page. Fare you well, sir. [Exit Caius.] My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor’s marrying my daughter: but ’tis no matter; better a little chiding than a great deal of 10 heart-break.

Ms. Page. Goodbye, sir. [Exit Caius.] My husband won't be as upset about Falstaff's insults as he will be about the doctor marrying my daughter: but it doesn't matter; a bit of annoyance is better than a lot of heartbreak.

Mrs Ford. Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the Welsh devil Hugh?

Ms. Ford. Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the Welsh devil Hugh?

Mrs Page. They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne’s oak, with obscured lights; which, at the very instant 15 of Falstaff’s and our meeting, they will at once display to the night.

Mrs. Page. They’re all hidden in a pit near Herne’s oak, with dim lights; which, right at the moment 15 when Falstaff and we meet, they will suddenly reveal to the night.

Mrs Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him.

Mrs. Ford. That can’t help but surprise him.

Mrs Page. If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be amazed, he will every way be mocked.

Mrs. Page. If he’s not shocked, he’ll be laughed at; if he is shocked, he’ll still be laughed at.

20 Mrs Ford. We’ll betray him finely.

We'll betray him perfectly.

243

Mrs Page. Against such lewdsters and their lechery Those that betray them do no treachery.

Ms. Page. Against such perverts and their lust, those who expose them commit no betrayal.

Mrs Ford. The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak!

Mrs. Ford. The time is passing. To the oak, to the oak!

Exeunt.

Exit.

V. 4 Scene 4. Windsor Park.

Enter Hugh Evans disguised, with others as Fairies.

Evans. Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and when I give the watch-’ords, do as I pid you: come, come; trib, trib.

Evans. Come on, fairies; let’s go; and remember your roles: be bold, I ask you; follow me into the pit; and when I give the passwords, do as I tell you: come, come; let’s go.

Exeunt.

Exit.

V. 5 Scene 5. Another part of the Park.

Enter Falstaff disguised as Horne.

Fal. The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some respects, 5 makes a beast a man; in some other, a man a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent Love! how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose!—A fault done first in the form of a beast;—O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance 10 of a fowl;—think on’t, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i’ the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow?—Who comes here? my doe?

Fal. The Windsor bell just struck twelve; it's almost time. Now, the hot-blooded gods help me! Remember, Jove, you turned into a bull for your Europa; love gave you those horns. Oh powerful love! that, in some ways, makes a beast a man; and in other ways, turns a man into a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. Oh all-powerful Love! how close the god came to looking like a goose!—A mistake first made in the form of a beast;—Oh Jove, a beastly mistake! And then another mistake in the shape of a bird;—think about it, Jove; a foul mistake! When gods get hot under the collar, what can poor men do? As for me, I’m just a Windsor stag here; and the fattest, I think, in the forest. Send me a cool rutting season, Jove, or who can blame me for pissing my fat?—Who’s coming here? My doe?

Enter Ms. Ford and Mrs. Page.

15 Mrs Ford. Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer?

15 Mrs. Ford. Sir John! Are you there, my dear? My male deer?

244

Fal. My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes; let there come a tempest 20 of provocation, I will shelter me here.

Fal. My doe with the black tail! Let the sky rain potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves, hail kissing candies, and snow candy roots; let there be a storm of trouble, I will take cover here.

Mrs Ford. Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

Ms. Ford. Mrs. Page has come with me, sweetheart.

Fal. Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands. V. 5.
25 Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome!

Fal. Cut me up like a deer, each part a haunch: I’ll keep my own sides, my shoulders for the guy I’m walking with, and I give my horns to your husbands. V. 5.
25 Am I a woodcutter, huh? Do I sound like Herne the hunter? Well, now Cupid is a child of conscience; he makes things right. As I’m a true spirit, welcome!

Noise within.

Internal noise.

Mrs Page. Alas, what noise?

What’s that noise?

Mrs Ford. Heaven forgive our sins!

Mrs. Ford. God forgive our sins!

30 Fal. What should this be?

What should this be?

Mrs Ford.	Away, away!	They run off. They take off.
Mrs Page.

Fal. I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that’s in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.

Fal. I believe the devil won't condemn me, because the fire inside me could ignite hell; otherwise, he wouldn't be bothering me like this.

Enter Mr. Hugh Evans, disguised as before; Handgun, as Hobgoblin; Mistress Quickly, Anne Page, and others, as Fairies, with tapers.

35 Quick. Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,

35 Quick. Fairies, black, gray, green, and white,

You moonshine revellers, and shades of night,

You party-goers and shadows of the night,

You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,

You __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ heirs of a set destiny,

Attend your office and your quality.

Attend your workplace and your standards.

Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy noises.

40 Pist. Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.

40 Pistachio. Elves, state your names; be quiet, you delicate little things.

Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:

Cricket, to Windsor chimneys __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__:

Where fires thou find’st unraked and hearths unswept,

Wherever you find fires that aren't raked and hearths unswept,

There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:

There pinch the maids as blue as blueberries:

Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.

Our shining queen despises promiscuous people and promiscuity.

245

45 Fal. They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die: I’ll wink and couch: no man their works must eye. Lies down upon his face.

45 Fal. They’re fairies; anyone who talks to them will die: I’ll close my eyes and hide: no one should pay attention to what they do. Lies face down.

Evans. Where’s Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid

Evans. Where’s Bede? Go there, and when you find a maid

That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,

That, before she sleeps, has said her prayers three times,

Raise up the organs of her fantasy;

Raise up the organs of her imagination;

V. 5.
50 Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:

V. 5.
50 She sleeps as soundly as an unconcerned baby:

But those as sleep and think not on their sins,

But those as sleep and don't think about their sins,

Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.

Quick. About, about;

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ About, about;

Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:

Search Windsor Castle, elves, inside and outside:

55 Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room;

55 Spread good luck, fairies, in every sacred space;

That it may stand till the perpetual doom,

That it may last until the end of time,

In state as wholesome as in state ’tis fit,

In state as as wholesome as it should be,

Worthy the owner, and the owner it.

Worthy is the owner, and the owner of it.

The several chairs of order look you scour

The various chairs of order stare you down.

60 With juice of balm and every precious flower:

60 With the juice of balm and every precious flower:

Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,

Each fair installment, coat, and several crest,

With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!

With loyal heraldry, may you always be blessed!

And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,

And __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, check out your singing,

Like to the Garter’s compass, in a ring:

Like the Garter's compass, in a circle:

65 Th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be,

65 The expression that it shows, let it be green,

More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;

More more fertile and fresh than all the fields to see;

And Honi soit qui mal y pense write

And Honi soit qui mal y pense writes

In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white;

In __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, flowers __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__, blue, and white;

Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,

Like __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ detailed embroidery,

70 Buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee:

70 Bowed below the knee of noble knights:

Fairies use flowers for their charactery.

Fairies use flowers for their identities.

Away; disperse: but till ’tis one o’clock,

Away; disperse: but until it’s one o’clock,

Our dance of custom round about the oak

Our tradition revolves around the oak.

246

Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.

Of Herne the hunter, let’s not forget.

V. 5.
75 Evans. Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set;

V. 5.
75 Evans. Pray you, hold hands; get yourselves organized;

And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,

And twenty glow-worms will be our lanterns,

To guide our measure round about the tree.—

To guide our measurement around the tree.—

But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth.

But wait; I smell a person from Middle-earth.

Fal. Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he 80 transform me to a piece of cheese!

Fal. God help me from that Welsh fairy, or he'll 80 turn me into a piece of cheese!

Pist. Vile worm, thou wast o’erlook’d even in thy birth.

Pistol. Awful worm, you were ignored even at your birth.

Quick. With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:

Fast. With a brief touch, he grazed my skin with the tip of his finger:

If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,

If he is pure, the flame will descend again,

And turn him to no pain; but if he start,

And don't cause him any pain; but if he flinches,

85 It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.

85 It's the flesh of a tainted heart.

Pist. A trial, come.

Pist. A trial is here.

Evans.

Evans.

Come, will this wood take fire?

Come on, will this wood catch fire?

They burn him with their tapers.

Fal. Oh, Oh, Oh!

Oh wow!

Quick. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!

Fast. Corrupt, corrupt, and stained with desire!

About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;

About him, fairies; sing a mocking rhyme;

90 And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

90 And, as you stumble, keep holding onto him to your time.

Song.

Fie on sinful fantasy!

Forget __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fantasy!

Fie on lust and luxury!

Forget lust and luxury!

Lust is but a bloody fire,

Lust is just __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__,

Kindled with unchaste desire,

Ignited with lustful desire,

95 Fed in heart, whose flames aspire,

95 Fed in heart, whose flames rise high,

As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.

As thoughts drift away, floating higher and higher.

Pinch him, fairies, mutually;

Pinch him, fairies, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__;

Pinch him for his villany;

Call him out for his villainy;

Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,

Pinch him, burn him, and spin him around,

V. 5.
100 Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

V. 5.
100 Until the candles, starlight, and moonlight are gone.

During this song they pinch Falstaff. Dr. Caius comes one way, and steals away a boy in green; Slim another way, and takes off a boy in white; and Fenton comes, and 247 steals away Mrs Anne Page. A noise of hunting is heard within. All the Fairies run away. Falstaff pulls off his buck’s head, and rises.

Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page and Ms. Ford.

Page. Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch’d you now:

Page. No, don't run away; I believe we've been watching you for a while now:

Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?

Will no one but Herne the hunter do the job for you?

Mrs Page. I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.

Mrs. Page. Please, come on, don't raise the joke any higher.

Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?

Now, good Sir John, what do you think of the wives in Windsor?

105 See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes

See you __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__? Don't do these __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__

Become the forest better than the town?

Ford. Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath enjoyed nothing 110 of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for it, Master Brook.

Ford. Now, sir, who's the fool now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a scoundrel, a pathetic fool; here are his horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he’s enjoyed nothing 110 of Ford’s except his laundry, his club, and twenty pounds of cash, which must be paid to Master Brook; his horses are seized for it, Master Brook.

Mrs Ford. Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again; but 115 I will always count you my deer.

Mrs. Ford. Sir John, we've had bad luck; we just couldn't meet. I will never consider you my love again; but 115 I will always think of you as my dear.

Fal. I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.

Fal. I'm starting to realize that I've been made a fool.

Ford. Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.

Ford. Yeah, and an ox too: both pieces of evidence are still around.

Fal. And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet the 120 guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when ’tis upon ill employment!

Fal. So these aren’t fairies? I thought about it three or four times, and still, the guilt in my mind and the surprise of my abilities made me believe the nonsense, despite all logic and reason saying otherwise. Look at how wit can become a joke when it’s used for the wrong purpose!

V. 5.
125 Evans. Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.

V. 5.
125 Evans. Sir John Falstaff, for God's sake, focus on serving and let go of your cravings, and the fairies won't bother you.

248

Ford. Well said, fairy Hugh.

Well said, fairy Hugh.

Evans. And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.

Evans. And please, leave behind your jealousies as well.

Ford. I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art 130 able to woo her in good English.

Ford. I will never doubt my wife again until you can flirt with her in proper English. 130

Fal. Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to prevent so gross o’erreaching as this?

Fal. Have I left my brain in the sun to dry out, that it now lacks the sense to avoid such a blatant trick as this?

Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I have a coxcomb of frize? Tis time I were choked with a piece of 135 toasted cheese.

Am I stuck with a Welsh goat too? Should I wear a stupid hat made of frieze? It's time I was choked on a piece of 135 toasted cheese.

Evans. Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly is all putter.

Evans. Seese isn't good at putting; your pelly is all about putting.

Fal. ‘Seese’ and ’putter’! have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough 140 to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.

Fal. 'Seriously?' and 'whatever!' Have I really lived to be mocked by someone who makes a joke out of English? This is enough 140 to ruin desire and late-night adventures in the kingdom.

Mrs Page. Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

Mrs. Page. Why, Sir John, do you really think that even if we were to push virtue out of our hearts and throw ourselves into hell without a second thought, the devil could ever make you our pleasure?

145 Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?

145 Ford. What, a mixed mess? a bundle of flax?

Mrs Page. A puffed man?

A man out of breath?

Page. Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?

Page. Old, cold, withered, and with unbearable insides?

Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Satan?

Ford. And one that is as slanderous like the devil?

Page. And as poor as Job?

And as broke as Job?

V. 5.
150 Ford. And as wicked as his wife?

V. 5.
150 Ford. Is she as evil as his wife?

Evans. And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings, and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles?

Evans. And indulging in affairs, and bars, and sack, and wine, and honey wines, and partying, and swearing, and starings, silly chatter and gossip?

Fal. Well, I am your theme: you have the start of 155 me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o’er me: use me as you will.

Fal. Well, I'm your topic: you have the beginning of 155 me; I'm feeling down; I can't respond to the Welsh flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o’er me: use me however you want.

Ford. Marry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor, to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom 160 you should have been a pander: over and above that you 249 have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.

Ford. Well, sir, we’ll take you to Windsor, to a guy named Master Brook, whom you’ve cheated out of money, and to whom you should have been a pimp: on top of everything else you’ve been through, I think paying him back will be a real hardship..

Page. Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to laugh at 165 my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter.

Page. But stay positive, knight: you'll have a warm drink tonight at my place; where I’ll ask you to laugh at 165 my wife, who is currently laughing at you: tell her Master Slender has married her daughter.

Mrs Page. [Aside] Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius’ wife.

Mrs Page. [Aside] Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page is my daughter, then she is, as a result, Doctor Caius’ wife.

Enter Slim.

Slen. Whoa, ho! ho, father Page!

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, ho! ho, Dad Page!

170 Page. Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?

170 Page. Hey, son! What's going on? Have you finished up?

Slen. Dispatched!—I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire know on’t; would I were hanged, la, else!

Slen. Sent off!—I’ll make sure everyone in Gloucestershire knows about it; I wish I were hanged if I don’t!

Page. Of what, son?

Page. About what, son?

V. 5.
175 Slen. I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she’s a great lubberly boy. If it had not been i’ the church, I would have swinged him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I might never stir!—and ’tis a postmaster’s boy.

V. 5.
175 Sleek. I came over to Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's just a big, clumsy guy. If it hadn't been i’ the church, I would have knocked him out, or he would have knocked me out. If I didn't believe it was Anne Page, I wouldn’t be able to move!—and it’s just a postmaster’s son.

180 Page. Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

180 Page. Honestly, then, you made the wrong choice.

Slen. What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman’s apparel, I would not have had him.

Sleek. Why do you need to tell me that? I thought so when I mistook a boy for a girl. If I had married him, even though he was in women's clothes, I still wouldn't have wanted him.

Page. Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you 185 how you should know my daughter by her garments?

Page. This is your own mistake. Didn't I tell you 185 how to recognize my daughter by her clothes?

Slen. I went to her in white, and cried ‘mum,’ and she cried ‘budget,’ as Anne and I had appointed; and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster’s boy.

Sleek. I went to her in white, and shouted ‘mom,’ and she responded ‘budget,’ just like Anne and I had planned; but it wasn't Anne, it was a postmaster's kid.

Mrs Page. Good George, be not angry: I knew of 250 190 your purpose; turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.

Ms. Page. Good George, don’t be angry: I knew about your plan; I got my daughter into green; and, in fact, she’s currently with the doctor at the deanery, and they are married now.

Enter Caius.

Caius. Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha’ married un garçon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy; it 195 is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.

Caius. Where is Mistress Page? By gosh, I’ve been tricked: I’ve married a boy; I swear, a child; it's not Anne Page: I’ve been fooled. 195

Mrs Page. Why, did you take her in green?

Why, __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bring her in __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__?

Caius. Ay, by gar, and ’tis a boy: by gar, I’ll raise all Windsor. Exit.

Caius. Yeah, for sure, it’s a boy: I swear, I’ll stir up all of Windsor. Exit.

Ford. This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?

Ford. This is weird. Who has the real Anne?

V. 5.
200 Page. My heart misgives me:—here comes Master Fenton.

V. 5.
200 Page. I have a bad feeling:—here comes Master Fenton.

Enter Fenton and Anne Page.

How now, Master Fenton!

What's up, Master Fenton!

Anne. Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!

Anne. Excuse me, dear father! Please, my mother, forgive me!

Page. Now, mistress, how chance you went not with 205 Master Slender?

Page. So, why didn't you go with Master Slender, ma'am? 205

Mrs Page. Why went you not with master doctor, maid?

Ms. Page. Why didn't you go with the doctor, maid?

Fent. You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.

Fentanyl. You really surprise her: that’s the truth of it.

You would have married her most shamefully,

You would have married her in the most disgraceful way,

Where there was no proportion held in love.

Where there was no balance in love.

210 The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,

210 The truth is, she and I have been engaged for a long time,

Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.

Are now so certain that nothing can break us apart.

The offence is holy that she hath committed;

The offense she committed is sacred;

And this deceit loses the name of craft,

And this deceit no longer deserves to be called cleverness,

Of disobedience, or unduteous title;

Of disobedience, or unruliness __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__;

215 Since therein she doth evitate and shun

215 Since there she avoids and steers clear of

A thousand irreligious cursed hours,

A thousand cursed hours without faith,

Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

Which forced marriage would have been imposed on her.

Ford. Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:

Ford. Don't be surprised; there's no solution here:

251

In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;

In love, the heavens themselves guide the situation;

220 Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.

220 Money purchases land, and marriages are determined by destiny.

Fal. I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.

Fal. I'm glad that, even though you've specifically aimed to hit me, your arrow has missed.

Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!

Page. So, what’s the solution? Fenton, may you find happiness!

V. 5.
225 What cannot be eschew’d must be embraced.

V. 5.
225 What can’t be avoided must be accepted.

Fal. When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.

Fal. When night hounds run, all kinds of deer are chased.

Mrs Page. Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,

Ms. Page. Well, I won’t think about it anymore. Master Fenton,

Heaven give you many, many merry days!

Heaven grant you lots and lots of happy days!

Good husband, let us every one go home,

Good husband, let's all go home,

230 And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire;

230 And laugh about this while sitting by a fire in the countryside;

Sir John and all.

Sir John and everyone.

Ford.

Ford.

Let it be so. Sir John,

To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word;

To Master Brook, you will still keep your promise;

For he to-night shall lie with Mistress Ford.

For he will be with Mistress Ford tonight.

Exeunt.

Exit.

252

253

NOTES.

Note I.

I. 1. 41. Master Page is called ‘George’ in three places, II. 1. 134 and 142 , and V. 5. 189, but we have left the text of the Folios uncorrected, as the mistake may have been Shakespeare’s own. It is however possible that a transcriber or printer may have mistaken ‘Geo.’ for ‘Tho.’

I. 1. 41. The Master Page is referred to as ‘George’ in three instances, II. 1. 134 and 142, and V. 5. 189, but we haven’t corrected the text of the Folios since the error might have come from Shakespeare himself. However, it’s also possible that a transcriber or printer confused ‘Geo.’ with ‘Tho.’

In I. 3. 89, 90, on the other hand, we have not hesitated to correct the reading of the Folio, substituting ‘Page’ for ‘Ford,’ and ‘Ford’ for ‘Page,’ because, as the early Quartos have the names right, it seems likely that the blunder was not due to Shakespeare.

In I. 3. 89, 90, however, we haven't hesitated to fix the Folio's text by replacing ‘Page’ with ‘Ford’ and ‘Ford’ with ‘Page,’ since the early Quartos have the correct names, making it likely that the mistake wasn't not a result of Shakespeare.

Note II.

I. 1. 49. Here again, as in line 40, F₂ F₃ F₄ read ‘good,’ F₁ Q₃ ‘goot,’ but we have not thought it necessary to do more than give a specimen of such variations. Capell, in order to make Dr Caius’s broken English consistent with itself, corrects it throughout and substitutes ‘de’ for ‘the,’ ‘vill’ for ‘will,’ and so forth. As a general rule, we have silently followed the first Folio.

I. 1. 49. Here again, as in line 40, F₂ F₃ F₄ read ‘good,’ F₁ Q₃ ‘goot,’ but we haven’t found it necessary to provide more than a sample of these variations. Capell, aiming to make Dr. Caius’s broken English consistent, corrects it throughout, replacing ‘de’ with ‘the,’ ‘vill’ with ‘will,’ and so on. Generally, we have quietly followed the first Folio.

Note III.

I. 1. 114. With regard to this and other passages which Pope, Theobald, Malone, &c. have inserted from the early Quartos, our rule has been to introduce, between brackets, such, and such only, as seemed to be absolutely essential to the understanding of the text, taking care to give in the note all those which we have rejected.

I. 1. 114. Regarding this and other sections that Pope, Theobald, Malone, &c. have included from the early Quartos, our guideline has been to add, in brackets, only those elements that are crucial for understanding the text, ensuring we note all the ones we have excluded.

254

The fact that so many omissions can be supplied from such mutilated copies as the early Quartos, indicates that there may be many more omissions for the detection of which we have no clue. The text of the Merry Wives given in F₁ was probably printed from a carelessly written copy of the author’s MS.

The fact that so many omissions can be filled in from such damaged copies like the early Quartos suggests that there might be many more omissions we have no way of identifying. The text of the Merry Wives provided in F₁ was likely printed from a hastily written version of the author's manuscript.

Note IV.

I. 3. 95. Perhaps, as in the Two Gentlemen of Verona, III. 1. 315, and other passages, some of which are mentioned by Sidney Walker in his ‘Criticisms,’ Vol. II. p. 13 sqq., this vexed passage may be emended by supplying a word. We venture to suggest ’the revolt of mine anger is dangerous.’ The recurrence of the same letters anger in the word ‘dangerous,’ might mislead the printer’s eye and cause the omission.

I. 3. 95. Perhaps, like in the Two Gentlemen of Verona, III. 1. 315, and other sections that Sidney Walker mentions in his ‘Criticisms,’ Vol. II. p. 13 sqq., this problematic passage might be corrected by adding a word. We suggest ‘the revolt of my anger is dangerous.’ The similarity of the letters anger in the word ‘dangerous’ might have misled the printer and led to the omission.

Note V.

II. 1. 5. In the copy of Johnson’s Edition, which belongs to Emmanuel College, there is a MS. note of Dr Farmer’s referring to Sonnet CXLVII. in support of the conjecture ‘physician’ for ‘precisian;’ we find there

II. 1. 5. In the copy of Johnson’s Edition that belongs to Emmanuel College, there’s a handwritten note by Dr. Farmer about Sonnet CXLVII, backing up the guess that ‘physician’ should replace ‘precisian;’ we find it there

‘My reason, the physician to my love,’ &c.

‘My reason, the doctor to my love,’ &c.

Note VI.

II. 1. 194, 196. Here again we have followed the early Quartos in reading ‘Brook’ instead of ‘Broome,’ the name given by Ff Q₃. That the former was the original name is proved by the jest in II. 2. 136, where the Folios make sheer nonsense.

II. 1. 194, 196. Here again, we've followed the early Quartos in reading 'Brook' instead of 'Broome,' the name used by Ff Q₃. The former is proven to be the original name by the joke in II. 2. 136, where the Folios make no sense at all.

Mr Halliwell suggests that the following lines, IV. 4. 75, 76,

Mr. Halliwell suggests that the following lines, IV. 4. 75, 76,

‘Nay I’ll to him again in name of Broome;

‘No, I’ll go to him again in the name of Broome;

He’ll tell me all his purpose: sure he’ll come,’

He’ll share all his intentions: I’m sure he’ll come.

were intended to rhyme and therefore favour the later reading. But in this scene there are no rhyming lines except the couplet at the end.

were meant to rhyme and therefore support the later interpretation. But in this scene, there are no rhyming lines except for the couplet at the end.

On the whole, it seems likely that the name was altered in the stage copies at the instance of some person of the name of Brook living at Windsor, who had sufficient acquaintance with the players, or interest with their patrons, to get it done.

Overall, it seems probable that the name was changed in the stage copies at the request of someone named Brook living in Windsor, who was familiar enough with the actors or had enough influence with their sponsors to make it happen.

255

Note VII.

III. 1. 74, 78. Mr Staunton is unquestionably right in supposing that one part of Evans’s speech is spoken aside to his opponent, and the other part aloud. It is impossible else to account for the sudden change of tone. It might have been conjectured that, being a parson, he wished to appear peacefully minded, and therefore made his offers of reconciliation aloud and his menaces in an under tone, but Caius’s reply shews that it was the threat which had been made aloud. Evans’s valour, it would seem, had already evaporated when he had ‘a great dispositions to cry’ (III. 1. 20) and, besides, he had just begun to see that he was being made a laughing-stock. As his former speech (74, 75,) is also conciliatory, it was probably spoken so as to be heard by Caius only. He wished to keep up his credit for courage in the eyes of the bystanders. In the corresponding scene of the first Quartos we have the words ‘Hark van urd in your ear,’ and the meaning of the text may have been obscured by some omission in the Folio.

III. 1. 74, 78. Mr. Staunton is definitely right in thinking that part of Evans’s speech is directed at his opponent in a low voice, while the other part is spoken out loud. Otherwise, it's hard to explain the sudden shift in tone. One might assume that, being a clergyman, he wanted to appear peaceful, so he made his offers of reconciliation loud and his threats quietly. However, Caius’s response shows that the threat was actually made out loud. It seems Evans’s courage had already faded when he was ‘a great dispositions to cry’ (III. 1. 20), and he had just started to realize that he was becoming a joke. Since his earlier speech (74, 75) is also conciliatory, it was probably meant to be heard only by Caius. He wanted to maintain his reputation for bravery in front of the onlookers. In the corresponding scene of the first Quartos, we have the words ‘Hark van urd in your ear,’ and the meaning of the text may have gotten lost due to some omission in the Folio.

Note VIII.

IV. 4. 41. No doubt there is an omission here in the Folio, which may be partly supplied from the Quarto. But it is probable that Mrs Ford gave a still fuller explanation of her device and the grounds on which the disguise was recommended to Falstaff, otherwise Page would not have been so confident of his falling into the snare.

IV. 4. 41. There’s definitely something missing here in the Folio, which could be partially filled in by the Quarto. However, it's likely that Mrs. Ford provided an even more detailed explanation of her plan and the reasons for recommending the disguise to Falstaff; otherwise, Page wouldn’t have been so sure he would fall for the trap.

Note IX.

IV. 5. 49. In the edition of 1778 Steevens reads ‘Ay, sir Tike, like’ ... but it is clear from Farmer’s note that it should be ‘Ay, sir Tike,’ ... and so it is corrected in the later Editions of Steevens. In the Edition annotated by Fanner, mentioned in note V., we find another conjecture of his: ‘Ay, sir, if you like,’ ... or it may have been ‘Ay, sir, an you like,’ for the word preceding ‘you’ has been cut away by the binder.

IV. 5. 49. In the 1778 edition, Steevens says ‘Ay, sir Tike, like’ ... but Farmer’s note makes it clear that it should be ‘Ay, sir Tike,’ ... and that’s how it’s corrected in the later editions of Steevens. In the edition annotated by Farmer, mentioned in note V., we see another suggestion from him: ‘Ay, sir, if you like,’ ... or it could have been ‘Ay, sir, an you like,’ since the word before ‘you’ has been removed by the binder.

Note X.

The stage direction of the early Quartos is: Enter Sir Hugh like a Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries, Mistresse Quickly, like the Queene of Fayries; they sing a song about him and afterward speake.

The stage direction of the early Quartos is: Enter Sir Hugh like a Satyr, and boys dressed like Fairies, Mistress Quickly, like the Queen of Fairies; they sing a song about him and afterward speak.

256

The Folio enumerates at the commencement of the scene all who take part in it, including Anne Page, Fairies, Quickly and Pistol, and in this place has merely Enter Fairies. Malone introduced Anne Page as the Fairy Queen, and at the end, with waxen tapers on their heads. He however still assigned the speeches 35-39, 53-74, 82-85, and 88-90 to Quickly. Recent Editors have generally given them to Anne, on the ground that it is proved by IV. 6. 20 and V. 3. 11, 12, that she was to ‘present the Fairy Queen,’ and that the character of the speeches is unsuitable to Mrs Quickly. It has been argued, too, that the Qui. of the folios, line 35, may be a misprint for Qu., i.e. Queen. This however is contradicted by the fact that Mrs Quickly plays the Queen in the early Quartos, and that the recurrence of Qui., line 88, proves that the printer of the first Folio used either Qui. or Qu. indifferently as the abbreviation of Quickly.

The Folio lists all the characters involved at the start of the scene, including Anne Page, Fairies, Quickly, and Pistol, and simply states Enter Fairies here. Malone introduced Anne Page as the Fairy Queen, and at the end, with waxen tapers on their heads. However, he still assigned the speeches 35-39, 53-74, 82-85, and 88-90 to Quickly. Recent editors have mostly given these to Anne, arguing that it is supported by IV. 6. 20 and V. 3. 11, 12, which indicate she was to ‘present the Fairy Queen,’ and that the nature of the speeches doesn’t fit Mrs. Quickly. It has also been suggested that the Qui. in the folios, line 35, could be a typo for Qu., meaning Queen. However, this is contradicted by the fact that Mrs. Quickly plays the Queen in the early Quartos, and the repetition of Qui. in line 88 shows that the printer of the first Folio used either Qui. or Qu. interchangeably to abbreviate Quickly.

Most likely, in this and other respects the play was altered by its author, but the stage MSS. were not corrected throughout with sufficient care. This will account for the mistake about the colours ‘green’ and ‘white’ in the final scene, lines 186, 190, 196.

Most likely, in this and other ways, the play was changed by its author, but the stage manuscripts weren’t thoroughly corrected. This explains the error regarding the colors 'green' and 'white' in the final scene, lines 186, 190, 196.

Or we may suppose Mrs Quickly to have agreed to take Anne’s part in order to facilitate her escape with Fenton.

Or we might assume that Mrs. Quickly agreed to help Anne so she could escape with Fenton.

CRITICAL APPARATUS
(“Linenotes”).

Act I: Scene 1

6. Custalorum] Custos Farmer conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Custalorum] Custos Farmer conj.

7. Rato-lorum] Ff. Rotulorum Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Rato-lorum] Ff. Rotulorum Q₃.

10. I] We Steevens (Farmer conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I] We Steevens (Farmer revised).

12. hath] F₁ Q₃ F₂. have F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ has] F₁ Q₃ F₂. have F₃ F₄.

19. The luce is] The luce [To Slen. showing him his seal-ring] is Capell.

19. The light is] The light [To Slen. showing him his seal-ring] is Capell.

23. marring] F₁ Q₃. marrying F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ blemishing] F₁ Q₃. uniting F₂ F₃ F₄.

25. py’r lady] per-lady Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ py’r lady] per-lady Ff Q₃.

26. skirts] shirts Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ skirts shirts Q3.

28. unto] upon Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ to] on Pope.

30. compremises] compromises Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ compromises Pope.

32. hear] F₁ Q₃. hear of F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ hear] F₁ Q₃. hear of F₂ F₃ F₄.

34. take your] F₁ Q₃. take you F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ grab your] F₁ Q₃. bring you F₂ F₃ F₄.

38. and] that Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and] that Pope.

40. goot] F₁ Q₃. good F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ goot] F₁ Q₃. good F₂ F₃ F₄.

41. Thomas] Ff Q₃. George Theobald. See note (I).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Thomas] Ff Q₃. George Theobald. See __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

44. small] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ small F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

45. orld] Ff. world Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ orld] Ff. world Q₃.

49. See note (II).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ See __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

52, 54, 55. Given to Shallow by Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Given to Shallow by Capell.

53. her father] his father Capell (corrected in MS.).

56. possibilities] F₁ Q₃. possibility F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ possibilities] F₁ Q₃. possibility F₂ F₃ F₄.

63. well-willers] well-wishers Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ well-wishers Rowe.

65. Enter Page.] Edd. Enter Page. Rowe (after line 64). Halliwell (after line 69).

65. Scene ii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene ii. Pope.

67. here] F₁ Q₃. here’s F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ here] F₁ Q₃. here’s F₂ F₃ F₄.

70. worships] worship’s Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ worships] worship’s Rowe.

75. thank] love (Q₁ Q₂) Steevens (Farmer conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ thank love (Q₁ Q₂) Steevens (Farmer conj.).

77. thank] love Farmer conj. MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ thank] love Farmer conj. MS.

80. Cotsall F₁ Q₃.] Cotsale F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Cotsall F₁ Q₃. Cotsale F₂ F₃ F₄.

82-84. Slen ... dog] Shall. You’ll ... confess. Slen. That ... not. Shall. ’Tis ... dog. Farmer conj. MS.

82-84. Slen ... dog] Sure. You’ll ... admit. Slen. That ... not. Shall. It’s ... dog. Farmer conj. MS.

98. Scene iii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene iii. Pope.

99. king] council (Q₁ Q₂) Warburton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ king] council (Q₁ Q₂) Warburton.

102. daughter?] F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. daughter. (Q₁ Q₂) F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ daughter?] F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. daughter. (Q₁ Q₂) F₄.

106, 107. council ... counsel] councell ... counsell (Q₁ Q₂). councell ... councill F₁ Q₃ F₂. council ... counsell F₃. council ... councel F₄.

107, 108. you if ... you’ll] you: if it were known in council, you’ll Harness (Johnson conj.).

107. known] not known Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ known] unknown Pope.

114. Pistol.] Pistol; they carried me to the tavern and made me drunk, and afterward picked my pocket. Malone (from Q₁ Q₂). See note (III).

114. Pistol.] Pistol; they took me to the bar, got me drunk, and then stole my wallet. Malone (from Q₁ Q₂). See note (III).

119-120. pauca, pauca ... humour] Evans. Pauca, pauca. Nym. Slice ... humour. Farmer conj.

119-120. a little, a little ... humor] Evans. A little, a little. Nym. Slice ... humor. Farmer conj.

126. three] third Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ 3] third Pope.

127. Garter] Q₃. Gater Ff.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Garter] Q₃. Gater Ff.

131. discreetly] discretions Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ discreetly discretions Pope.

146. latten] laten (Q₁ Q₃). latine Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ latten] laten (Q₁ Q₃). latine Ff Q₃.

latten bilbo.] latten. Bilbo! Becket conj.

Let it be.] Let it be! Bilbo! Becket conj.

147. thy labras here] my labras hear Johnson conj.

147. your lips here] my lips hear Johnson conj.

150. avised] advis’d F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ advised F₄.

151. the nuthook’s humour] the base humour Pope. bace humors (Q₁ Q₂).

151. the nuthook’s humor] the basic humor Pope. basic humors (Q₁ Q₂).

160. fap] sap A. A. conj. vap Boys conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fap sap A. A. conj. vap Boys conj.

161. careires] car-eires Ff Q₃. careeres Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ careires] car-eires Ff Q₃. careeres Capell.

171. [Exit A. P.] Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Exit A. P.] Theobald.

175. [Kisses her.] Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Kisses her.] Pope.

179. Scene iv. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene iv. Pope.

186. Michaelmas] Martlemas Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Michaelmas] Martlemas Theobald.

188. this, coz] this Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ this, because] this Q₃.

192. that that] that F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ that that] that F₃ F₄.

209. mouth] mind Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mouth] mind Pope.

210. carry] F₁ Q₃. marry F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ carry] F₁ Q₃. marry F₂ F₃ F₄.

216. carry her] carry-her F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. carre-her F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ carry her] carry-her F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. carre-her F₄.

228. contempt] Theobald. content Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ contempt Theobald. content Ff Q₃.

230. fall] Ff Q₃. faul’ Hanmer. fault Collier. fall’ Singer. faul Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fall] Ff Q₃. faul’ Hanmer. fault Collier. fall’ Singer. faul Dyce.

234. hanged] hang’ F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ hanged] hang’ F₂ F₃ F₄.

236. Scene v. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene v. Pope.

249. beholding] beholden Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ seeing] indebted Pope.

251. like] om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ like] om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

275. I’ll eat] I chuse to eat Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I’ll eat] I choose to eat Hanmer.

Act I: Scene 2

Scene ii.] Scene vi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 6. Pope.

The same.] Capell. An outer room in Page’s house. Dyce.

3. dry] try (Q₁ Q₂) Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ dry] try (Q₁ Q₂) Dyce.

4. wringer] Theobald. Ringer Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wringer] Theobald. Ringer Ff Q₃.

11. cheese] seese Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ cheese] seese Dyce.

Act I: Scene 3

Scene iii.] Scene vii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 7. Pope.

2. bully-rook] Bully Rock Rowe, passim.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Bully Rock Rowe, various instances.

10. shall ... shall] F₁ Q₃. will ... will F₂ F₃ F₄.

14. see thee froth] see thee, froth Staunton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ see you froth] see you, froth Staunton.

lime] Steevens. lyme (Q₁ Q₂). live Ff Q₃.

19. Hungarian] Ff Q₃. Gongarian (Q₁ Q₂) Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Hungarian] Ff Q₃. Gongarian (Q₁ Q₂) Capell.

22. conceited?] Theobald here inserts (from Q₁ Q₂), His mind is not heroic and there’s the humour of it.

22. conceited?] Theobald includes (from Q₁ Q₂), His mind isn’t heroic and that’s the funny part.

23. acquit] quit Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ acquit] quit Pope.

26. minute’s] Ff. minuntes Q₃. minim’s Singer (Bennet-Langton conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ minute’s] Ff. minuntes Q₃. minim’s Singer (Bennet-Langton conj.).

41. carves] Ff (Q₁ Q₂). craves Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ carves] Ff (Q₁ Q₂). craves Q₃.

45. studied her will] Ff Q₃. studied her well (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

translated her will] Ff Q₃ (om. Q₁ Q₂). translated her well Pope. translated her Hanmer. studied her well and translated her will Grant White. studied her well and translated her ill Edd. conj.

47. anchor] author Johnson conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ anchor] author Johnson conj.

49. he] she (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ he] she (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

a legion] Pope. a legend Ff. Q₃. legians (Q₁). legions (Q₂) Capell.

50. entertain] Ff Q₃. attend her (Q₁ Q₂). enter swine Coleridge conj. in her train Anon. conj.

55. œillades] illiads Ff Q₃. eyelids Halliwell (Pope conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ œillades] illiads Ff Q₃. eyelids Halliwell (Pope conj.).

56. gilded] guilded F₁ Q₃. guided F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ gilded] guilded F₁ Q₃. guided F₂ F₃ F₄.

64. cheaters] (Q₁ Q₂) F₁ Q₃ F₃ F₄. cheators F₂. cheater Theobald. escheator Hanmer. ’cheator Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ cheaters] (Q₁ Q₂) F₁ Q₃ F₃ F₄. cheators F₂. cheater Theobald. escheator Hanmer. ’cheator Capell.

73. tightly] F₁. titely (Q₁ Q₂). rightly Q₃ F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ tight F₁. tight (Q₁ Q₂). right Q₃ F₂ F₃ F₄.

74. [Exit Robin. Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Exit Robin. Dyce.

76. o’ the] oth’ F₂ F₃ F₄. ith’ F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ of the] other F₂ F₃ F₄. it’s F₁ Q₃.

77. learn] earn Anon. conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ learn] earn Anon. conj.

humour] (Q₁ Q₂) Theobald. honour Ff Q₃.

humor] (Q₁ Q₂) Theobald. honor Ff Q₃.

the] Ff Q₃. this (Q₁ Q₂) Capell.

the Ff Q3. this (Q1 Q2) Capell.

78. [Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.] Rowe. [Exit. Dyce.

78. [Exit Falstaff and Robin.] Rowe. [Exit. Dyce.

79. Scene viii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene viii. Pope.

fullam holds] fullams hold Hanmer.

80. beguiles] beguile Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ charm] charm Hanmer.

83. operations] Ff Q₃. operations in my head (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

85. star] fairies (Q₁ Q₂). stars Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ stars fairies (Q₁ Q₂). stars Collier MS.

88. discuss] disclose Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ talk] reveal Pope.

88, 89. Page ... Ford] (Q₁ Q₂) Steevens. Ford ... Page Ff Q₃. See note (I).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Page ... Ford] (Q₁ Q₂) Steevens. Ford ... Page Ff Q₃. See __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

93. Page] Steevens. Ford Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Page] Steevens. Ford Ff Q₃.

94. yellowness] jealousies Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ yellowness] jealousies Pope.

95. the] this Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the] this Pope.

95. mine] mien Theobald. mind Jackson conj. meisne or men Anon. conj. See note (IV).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mine] mien Theobald. mind Jackson conj. meisne or men Anon. conj. See __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

Act I: Scene 4

Scene iv.] Scene ix. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 9. Pope.

4. an] om. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ a om. Pope.

19. wee] whey Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wee] whey Capell.

20. Cain] F₃ F₄. Kane (Q₁ Q₂). Caine F₁ Q₃ F₂. cane Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Cain] F₃ F₄. Kane (Q₁ Q₂). Caine F₁ Q₃ F₂. cane Pope.

31. [Exit. Grant White.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Exit. Grant White.

34. [Shuts S. in the closet] Rowe.

38. Scene x. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene x. Pope.

des toys] F₃ F₄. des-toyes F₁ Q₃ F₂. dese toys Theobald.

the toys] F₃ F₄. the toys F₁ Q₃ F₂. these toys Theobald.

39. un boitier] Rowe. unboyteene F₁ F₂ Q₃. unboyteen F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ a box] Rowe. a boy teen F₁ F₂ Q₃. a boy teen F₃ F₄.

44, 45. ma foi ... affaire] Rowe. mai (moi F₂ F₃ F₄) foy, il fait for chando, Ie man voi a le Court la grand affaires. Ff Q₃.

44, 45. Oh my ... business] Rowe. but (me F₂ F₃ F₄) faith, he's pushing hard, the man is looking at the big deal in court. Ff Q₃.

47. dépêche] de-peech Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ dépêche] de-peech Ff Q₃.

51. Jack Rugby] Jack Rogoby Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Jack Rugby] Jack Rogoby Halliwell.

52. take-a] take Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ take-a] take Q3.

56. vill] will F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ vill] will F₂ F₃ F₄.

60. villain] Q₃. villainie Ff.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ villain] Q₃. villainie Ff.

61. larron] La-roone Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ larron] La-roone Ff Q₃.

[Pulling S. out] Theobald.

63, 66. shall] F₁ Q₃. should F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ will F₁ Q₃. should F₂ F₃ F₄.

78. baille] ballow Ff Q₃. baillez Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ baille] ballow Ff Q₃. baillez Theobald.

83. you] yoe F₁ Q₃. for F₂ F₃ F₄. om. Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ you] yoe F₁ Q₃. for F₂ F₃ F₄. om. Capell.

84. the French] Ff. that French Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the French] Ff. that French Q₃.

86. wring] ring Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wring] ring Ff Q₃.

96. give-a] F₁ Q₃. givie-a F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ give-a F₁ Q₃. givie-a F₂ F₃ F₄.

97, 98, 100. will] vill Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ will] vill Pope.

101. throw] F₁ Q₃. trow F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ throw] F₁ Q₃. trow F₂ F₃ F₄.

103. ver] Ff Q₃. for Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ver] Ff Q₃. for Capell.

106. Jarteer] F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. Garter F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Jarteer F1 Q3 F2 F3. Garter F4.

109. good-jer] goujeres Hanmer. goujere Johnson. good year Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ good-jer] goujeres Hanmer. goujere Johnson. good year Capell.

120. Scene xi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 11. Pope.

131. above] about Steevens.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ above] about Steevens.

132. what of that?] and what of that? Pope.

132. What about that?] And what about that? Pope.

142. we will] I will Halliwell MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ we'll] I'll Halliwell MS.

Act II: Scene 1

1. I] om. F₁.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I om. F₁.

5. physician] Dyce (Johnson conj.). precisian Ff Q₃. See note (V).

5. doctor] Dyce (Johnson conj.). specialist Ff Q₃. See note (V).

8. you] F₁ F₃ F₄. yout Q₃. your F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ you] F₁ F₃ F₄. yout Q₃. your F₂.

9. at the least] at the last F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ at a minimum] finally F₄.

soldier] F₁ Q₃ F₂. a soldier F₃ F₄.

soldier F₁ Q₃ F₂. soldier F₃ F₄.

19. an] om. F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ an] om. F₃ F₄.

20. with the] i’ th’] F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ with the the F₃ F₄.

25. putting] pulling Jackson conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ placing] grabbing Jackson conj.

men] fat men Theobald. mum Hanmer.

men] overweight men Theobald. mom Hanmer.

28. Scene ii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene ii. Pope.

30. coming] going Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ incoming] outgoing Q₃.

45. What? thou liest!] What thou liest? F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. What, thou liest! F₄.

45. What? You're lying!] What, you're lying? F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. What, you're lying! F₄.

46. will hack] will lack Warburton. we’ll hack Johnson conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ will hack] will lack Warburton. we’ll hack Johnson conj.

51. praised] Theobald. praise Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Theobald. Praise Ff Q₃.

55. place] pace Capell conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ place] pace Capell conj.

55, 56. Hundredth Psalm] Rowe. hundred Psalms Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ 100th Psalm] Rowe. 100 Psalms Ff Q₃.

57. tuns] Ff Q₃. tun Rowe. tons Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ tuns] Ff Q₃. tun Rowe. tons Dyce.

67. sure] F₁ Q₃. sue F₂ F₃ F₄. nay Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ sure] F₁ Q₃. sue F₂ F₃ F₄. nay Rowe.

78. know] knew F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ know] knew F₄.

strain] stain Pope.

strain stain Pope.

97. [They retire] Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [They retire] Theobald.

98. Scene iii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene iii. Pope.

102-104. Printed as prose in Ff Q₃.

103. one] and one F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ one] and one F₄.

104. the] F₁ Q₃. thy F₂ F₃ F₄. a Anon. (N. & Q.) conj.

104. the] F₁ Q₃. your F₂ F₃ F₄. a Anon. (N. & Q.) conj.

107. he] om. F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ he] om. F3 F4.

113, 114. Away ... sense] Away Sir Corporal! Nym. Believe ... sense. Johnson conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Go away ... feel] Leave, Sir Corporal! Nym. Trust ... feel. Johnson conj.

117. hath] have Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ has] have Q₃.

119. bite ... He] bite—upon my necessity, he Warburton conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bite ... He] bite—out of my necessity, he Warburton conj.

121. avouch; ’tis] F₁ Q₃ F₂. avouch, tis F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ confirm; it is F₁ Q₃ F₂. confirm, it is F₃ F₄.

123. [and there’s the humour of it] These words, not found in Ff Q₃ are added from Q₁ Q₂ by Capell.

123. [and there’s the humor of it] These words, which aren't in Ff Q₃, are included from Q₁ Q₂ by Capell.

126. English] humour Pope (from Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ English humor Pope (from Q₁ Q₂).

his] its Pope.

his Pope.

128. drawling, affecting] F₂ F₃ F₄. drawling-affecting F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ drawling, affecting] F₂ F₃ F₄. drawling-affecting F₁ Q₃.

133. [Mrs ... forward.] Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Mrs ... forward.] Theobald.

Scene iv. Page and Ford meeting their wives. Pope.

Scene 4. Page and Ford meeting their wives. Pope.

140. head. Now,] head, Now: F₁. head, Now, Q₃. head. Now: F₂ F₃ F₄. head now. Johnson.

149. have] would have S. Walker conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ have] would have S. Walker conj.

151. Scene v. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene v. Pope.

163. this] his Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ this] his Pope.

175. Scene vi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene vi. Pope.

176, 180. Cavaleiro] F₁ Q₃ F₂. Cavalerio F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Cavalier] F₁ Q₃ F₂. Cavalier F₃ F₄.

184. my] om. Rowe

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ my om. Rowe

186. hath] om. Q₃. he hath Warburton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ has] om. Q₃. he has Warburton.

192-194. This speech is given to Shallow in Ff, to Ford in Q₃.

192-194. This speech is delivered to Shallow in Ff, to Ford in Q₃.

194, 196. Brook] (Q₁ Q₂) Pope. Broome Ff Q₃. See note (VI).

197. An-heires] F₁ Q₃ F₂. An-heirs F₃. an-heirs F₄. mynheers Theobald conj. on, here Id. conj. on, heris Warburton. on, hearts Heath conj. on, heroes Steevens conj. and hear us Malone conj. cavaleires Singer (Boaden conj.). eh, sir Becket conj.

207. hear] have Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ hear] have Hanmer.

209. stands] stand F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ stands] stand F4.

210. frailty] fealty Theobald. fidelity Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ weakness] loyalty Theobald. faithfulness Collier MS.

Act II: Scene 2

Scene ii.] Scene vii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 7. Pope.

3. open] open. —I will retort the sum in equipage. Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂). open. — ... equipoize Jackson conj.

3. open] open. —I'll respond with the total in gear. Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂). open. — ... equalize Jackson conj.

6. coach-fellow] couch-fellow Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ coach-fellow] couch-fellow Theobald.

12. Didst not thou] F₁ Q₃ F₂. Didst thou not F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Didn't you F₁ Q₃ F₂. Didn't you F₃ F₄.

17. throng] (Q₁ Q₂) Ff Q₃. thong Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ crowd] (Q₁ Q₂) Ff Q₃. flip-flop Pope.

20. terms] termes F₁ Q₃. terme F₂. term F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ terms] termes F₁ Q₃. terme F₂. term F₃ F₄.

honour] hononor F₁.

honor] honor F₁.

I, I, I] I Pope. I, ay, I Grant White.

I, I, I] I Pope. I, yeah, I Grant White.

21. God] (Q₁ Q₂). heaven Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ God] (Q₁ Q₂). heaven Ff Q₃.

23. yet you, rogue,] Pope. yet, you rogue, Ff Q₃. yet you, you rogue, Collier MS.

23. but you, trickster,] Pope. but you, trickster, Ff Q₃. but you, you trickster, Collier MS.

24. rags] rages Becket conj. brags Singer (Anon., N. & Q., conj.).

25. bold-beating] bull-baiting Hanmer. bold-bearing Warburton. bold cheating Heath conj. blunderbust Halliwell MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bold-beating] bull-baiting Hanmer. bold-bearing Warburton. bold cheating Heath conj. blunderbust Halliwell MS.

27. relent] Ff Q₃. recant (Q₁ Q₃).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ relent] Ff Q₃. recant (Q₁ Q₃).

would thou] would’st thou Pope. would you Anon. conj.

would you

30. Scene viii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 8. Pope.

43. on: Mistress] one Mistress Grant White (Douce conj.).

48. God] (Q₁ Q₂). Heaven Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ God] (Q₁ Q₂). Heaven Ff Q₃.

63. in] om. Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in] om. Hanmer.

66. this] of a Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ this] of a Collier MS.

104. loves] love Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ loves Rowe.

110. she is one] truly she is one Rowe.

116. need] heede Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ need] heed Q₃.

123. punk] pink Warburton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ punk] pink Warburton.

124. your fights] yond’ frigat Hanmer (Warburton conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ your fights] beyond’ frigate Hanmer (Warburton conj.).

125. them all] all Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ them all] all Q3.

[Exit] Rowe.

131. Scene ix. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 9. Pope.

131, 136. Brook, Brooks] Pope (from Q₁ Q₂). Broome, Broomes Ff Q₃, and passim. See note (VI).

131, 136. Brook, Brooks] Pope (from Q₁ Q₂). Broome, Broomes Ff Q₃, and throughout. See note (VI).

137. that o’erflow] Capell. that oreflows Ff. that that ore’ flowes Q₃. that o’erflow with Pope.

137. that overflow] Capell. that overflows Ff. that that overflows Q₃. that overflow with Pope.

139. Bless] F₄. ’Bless F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. God save (Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Bless] F₄. ’Bless F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. God save (Q₁ Q₂).

156. all, or half] half, or all Collier MS.

167. imperfection] imperfections Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ flaw] flaws Pope.

178. fee’d] free’d Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fee’d] free’d Q3.

180. bought] brought Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ purchased] brought Q₃.

185. jewel that] F₄. jewel, that F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. jewel; that Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ jewel that] F₄. jewel, that F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. jewel; that Theobald.

that] om. Rowe.

that om. Rowe.

215. vehemency] vehemence F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ intensity] passion F₄.

219. soul] suit Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ soul] suit Collier MS.

225. other her] other Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ another her] another Pope.

too, too] too-too Ff Q₃. too Rowe.

too, too too-too Ff Q₃. too Rowe.

231. I say you shall] Master Brooke, I say you shall (Q₁ Q₂) Theobald.

231. I say you will] Master Brooke, I say you will (Q₁ Q₂) Theobald.

242. cuckoldly] cuckoldy Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ cuckoldly cuckoldy Rowe.

246. cuckoldly rogue’s] F₁ Q₃. cuckold-rogue’s F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ cuckold-rogue F₁ Q₃. cuckold-rogue F₂ F₃ F₄.

257. Scene x. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene x. Pope.

261. false] fair Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ false] fair Q3.

263. this wrong] the wrong Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ this wrong the wrong Pope.

267. Wittol!—Cuckold] Wittoll, Cuckold Ff Q₃. wittol-cuckold Malone.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Cuckold! Cuckold Ff Q₃. wittol-cuckold Malone.

276. God] (Q₁ Q₂). Heaven Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ God] (Q₁ Q₂). Heaven Ff Q₃.

Act II: Scene 3

Scene iii.] Scene xi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 11. Pope.

3. de] F₃ F₄. the F₁ Q₃ F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ de] F₃ F₄. the F₁ Q₃ F₂.

11. is no dead so as I vill kill him] Ff Q₃. is not so dead as me vill make him Pope. be not so dead as I shall make him (Q₁ Q₂).

11. is not dead like I will kill him] Ff Q₃. is not as dead as I will make him Pope. is not so dead as I will make him (Q₁ Q₂).

21. tree] trees F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ tree] trees F₄.

25. Francisco] Françeyes (Q₁ Q₂) Warburton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Francisco] Françeyes (Q₁ Q₂) Warburton.

26. Galen] Gallon (Q₁ Q₂). Galien F₁ F₂. Gallen Q₃ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Galen] Gallon (Q₁ Q₂). Galien F₁ F₂. Gallen Q₃ F₃ F₄.

29. vorld] varld Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ world world Hanmer.

30. Castalion] Castallian (Q₁ Q₂). Cardalion Hanmer. Castillian Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Castalion Castallian (Q₁ Q₂). Cardalion Hanmer. Castillian Capell.

41. the] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

51. A word] Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂). A Ff Q₃. Ah Hanmer.

51, 54. Mock-water] Muck-water Malone (Farmer conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ Mock-water] Muck-water Malone (Farmer conj.).

71. by] om. F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ by] om. F3 F4.

80. Cried I aim?] Dyce (Douce conj.). Cried game (Q₁ Q₂). Cride-game Ff Q₃. Try’d game Theobald. Cock o’ th’ game Hanmer. Cry aim Warburton. and cry ‘amie’ Becket conj. Dry’d game Jackson conj. Curds and cream Collier MS.

80. Did I call out my aim?] Dyce (Douce conj.). Called out my game (Q₁ Q₂). Called game Ff Q₃. Tested my game Theobald. Top of the game Hanmer. Shout my aim Warburton. and shout ‘buddy’ Becket conj. Checked my game Jackson conj. Curds and cream Collier MS.

89. This line given to Host in F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ This line assigned to Host in F3 F4.

Act III: Scene 1

5. pittie-ward] F₁ Q₃. pitty-wary F₂ F₃ F₄. city-ward Capell. pit way Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ pittie-ward] F₁ Q₃. pitty-wary F₂ F₃ F₄. city-ward Capell. pit way Collier MS.

the park-ward] the park way Collier MS.

7. also] om. Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ also] om. Q3.

10. chollors] F₁ Q₃ F₂. chollars F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ chollors F₁ Q₃ F₂. chollars F₃ F₄.

14. sings] Ff. sing Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ sings] Ff. sing Q₃.

15, 19, 24, 27. To shallow] (Q₁ Q₂) Ff Q₃. By shallow Theobald.

18. fragrant] (Q₁ Q₂) Ff. vagram Q₃. vragrant Hanmer. vagrant Johnson.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fragrant] (Q₁ Q₂) Ff. vagram Q₃. vragrant Hanmer. vagrant Johnson.

20. dispositions] F₁ Q₃. disposition F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ dispositions] F₁ Q₃. disposition F₂ F₃ F₄.

21. madrigals] madrigall F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ madrigals] madrigall F₂ F₃ F₄.

23. vagram] Ff Q₃. vagrant Pope. vragant Hanmer. vagrant Johnson.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ vagram] Ff Q₃. vagrant Pope. vragant Hanmer. vagrant Johnson.

27. to whose] in whose Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ to whose] in whose Q₃.

34. Scene ii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene ii. Pope.

36. student] F₃ F₄. studient F₁ Q₃ F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ student] F₃ F₄. studient F₁ Q₃ F₂.

37, 65, 105. [Aside] Edd.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_2__ [Aside] Edd.

62. desires] F₁ Q₃. desire F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wants] F₁ Q₃. want F₂ F₃ F₄.

66. Scene iii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene iii. Pope.

68. in] om. Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in] om. Q3.

74. [Aside...] Edd. See note (VII).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Aside...] Edd. Check __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

78. [Aside...] Staunton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Aside...] Staunton.

Pray you] I pray you Q₃.

I pray you Q₃.

laughing-stocks] laughing stogs J. rec. Edd.

laughing stocks J. rec. Edd.

81. [Aloud] Staunton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Out loud] Staunton.

your] your your F₄. you your Rowe.

F₄. Rowe.

urinals] (Q₁ Q₂) Capell. urinal] Ff Q₃.

82. [for ... appointments] Pope (from Q₁ Q₂). om. Ff Q₃.

89. Gallia and Gaul] F₃ F₄. Gallia and Gaule F₁ Q₃ F₂. Gawle and Gawlia (Q₁ Q₂). Gallia and Wallia Halliwell MS. Hanmer. Guallia and Gaul Malone (Farmer conj.). Gallia and Guallia Collier (Farmer MS. conj.).

95. lose my parson, my priest] lose my Priest Pope.

95. lose my pastor, my priest] lose my Priest Pope.

96. [Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so] Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂). om. Ff Q₃. Give me thy hands, celestial and terrestrial; so. Collier MS.

96. [Give me your hand, earthbound; so] Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂). om. Ff Q₃. Give me your hands, heavenly and earthbound; so. Collier MS.

101. lads] (Q₁ Q₂) Warburton. lad Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ guys] (Q₁ Q₂) Warburton. guy Ff Q₃.

108. vlouting-stog] vlouting-stock Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ vlouting-stog] vlouting-stock Pope.

110. scall] scald Pope. Scal’ Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ scall scald Pope. Scal’ Capell.

112. with] vith Hanmer. vit rec. Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ with] vith Hanmer. vit rec. Capell.

113. where] vhere Pope. ver Hanmer. vere rec. Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ where vhere Pope. ver Hanmer. vere rec. Capell.

Act III: Scene 2

Scene ii.] Scene iv. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 4. Pope.

11. company] your company Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ company] your company Collier MS.

19. Ford. Sir John Falstaff!] omitted in F₃ F₄ and Rowe.

20. on’s] on his Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ on’s] on his Rowe.

25. Scene v. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene v. Pope.

37. [Clock heard] Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Clock chiming] Capell.

39. search: there] search where Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ search: there] search where Collier MS.

42. Scene vi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene vi. Pope.

46-48. Printed as verse in Ff Q₃ and Rowe.

47. her] here F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ her] here F2.

59. April] all April (Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ April] entire April (Q₁ Q₂).

60. buttons] betmes (Q₁ Q₂). destiny Anon. conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ buttons] betmes (Q₁ Q₂). destiny Anon. conj.

63. Poins] Poyntz F₁ Q₃ F₂. Poinz F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Poins] Poyntz F₁ Q₃ F₂. Poinz F₃ F₄.

Act III: Scene 3

Scene iii.] Scene vii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 7. Pope.

7, 8. Mrs Ford. Marry ... Robert] omitted in Q₃.

7, 8. Mrs. Ford. Marry ... Robert] omitted in Q₃.

20. your] the Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ your] the Q3.

36. Scene viii. Pope. thee] Ff Q₃ om. (Q₁ Q₂) Dyce.

36. Scene 8. Pope. you] Ff Q₃ om. (Q₁ Q₂) Dyce.

38. my] om. Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ my] om. Q3.

41. Mistress] Master Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Mistress Master Q₃.

49. tire-valiant] Ff Q₃. tire-vellet (Q₁ Q₂). tire-vailant Warburton. tire-velvet Heath conj. tire-volant Becket conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ tire-valiant] Ff Q₃. tire-vellet (Q₁ Q₂). tire-vailant Warburton. tire-velvet Heath conj. tire-volant Becket conj.

tire of Venetian admittance] Ff Q₃. Venetian attire (Q₁ Q₂) Pope. tire of Venetian addition Hanmer.

52. By the Lord, thou art a traitor] (Q₁ Q₂) Singer. Thou art a tyrant Ff Q₃. Thou art a traitor Warburton. By the Lord, thou art a tyrant Collier.

52. By God, you're a traitor] (Q₁ Q₂) Singer. You're a tyrant Ff Q₃. You're a traitor Warburton. By God, you're a tyrant Collier.

53. fixture] F₁ Q₃. fixure F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fixture] F₁ Q₃. fixture F₂ F₃ F₄.

55, 56. foe were not, Nature] F₂ F₃ F₄. foe, were not Nature F₁ Q₃. foe were not; Nature is Capell.

55, 56. enemies were not, Nature] F₂ F₃ F₄. enemies, were not Nature F₁ Q₃. enemies were not; Nature is Capell.

58. persuade thee there’s] persuade thee There’s (Q₁ Q₂). persuade Thee. There’s Ff Q₃.

58. convince you there’s] convince you there’s (Q₁ Q₂). convince you. There’s Ff Q₃.

62. simple] F₁ Q₃ F₂. simpling F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ simple F₁ Q₃ F₂. simpling F₃ F₄.

74. [Within] F₂. Re-enter Robin. Capell.

74. [Within] F₂. Robin comes back in. Capell.

75. sweating] F₁ Q₃. swearing F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ sweating] F₁ Q₃. swearing F₂ F₃ F₄.

81. Scene ix. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 9. Pope.

Re-enter...] Enter Mis. Page. F₂.

Re-enter...] Enter Mis. Page. F2.

96. ’Tis not so] Speak louder. ’Tis not so Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

96. It's not true] Speak up. It's not true Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

110. and] om. Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and] om. Q3.

119. [Coming forward] Enter F. Rowe. [Starting from his concealment. Capell.

119. [Entering] F. Rowe. [Emerging from hiding. Capell.

124. I love thee] Ff Q₃. I love thee and none but thee (Q₁ Q₂) Malone.

124. I love you] Ff Q₃. I love you and no one else but you (Q₁ Q₂) Malone.

125. [Gets ... linen.] Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Gets ... linen.] Rowe.

128. John! Robert] John Rugby Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ John! Robert] John Rugby Q3.

[Exit Robin.] Malone.

132. Scene x. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene x. Pope.

134. How now!] How now? who goes here? Halliwell (from Q₁ Q₂). How now! what’s here? S. Verges conj.

134. What's going on!] What's going on? Who's there? Halliwell (from Q₁ Q₂). What's going on! What's this? S. Verges conj.

140. [Exeunt ... basket.] Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Exit ... basket.] Rowe.

144. [Locking the door.] Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Locking the door.] Capell.

144, 145. So, now uncape] om. Pope. So, now uncouple Hanmer.

144, 145. So, now take off the cape] om. Pope. So, now separate Hanmer.

155. Scene xi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 11. Pope.

159. who] what Grant White (Ritson conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ who] what Grant White (Ritson conj.).

170. foolish] F₂ F₃ F₄. foolishion F₁ Q₃. foolish eye on—carry on Jackson conj.

170. foolish] F₂ F₃ F₄. foolishness F₁ Q₃. foolish eye on—keep going Jackson conj.

174. to-morrow, eight] F₁ Q₃. to-morrow by eight F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ tomorrow, eight] F₁ Q₃. tomorrow by eight F₂ F₃ F₄.

178. [Aside to Mrs Ford] Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Aside to Mrs. Ford] Capell.

179. You use...] I, I; peace;—You use... Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

180. Ay, I] I, I F₁ Q₃ F₂. I, I, I F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Ay, I] I, I F₁ Q₃ F₂. I, I, I F₃ F₄.

181. you] me Capell conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ you] me Capell conj.

188. at the day of judgement] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

188. on the day of judgment] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

211. Theobald inserts (from Q₁ Q₂) Evans. In your teeth: for shame!

211. Theobald adds (from Q₁ Q₂) Evans. In your face: how embarrassing!

Act III: Scene 4

Scene iv.] Scene xii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene xii. Pope.

7. Besides these, other] Ff Q₃. Besides, these other S. Walker conj.

7. In addition to these, other] Ff Q₃. In addition, these other S. Walker conj.

12. my] the Capell (altered to my in his own hand).

12. my] the Capell (changed to my in his own handwriting).

20. opportunity] importunity Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ opportunity] importunity Hanmer.

22. Scene xiii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene xiii. Pope.

28. but that] F₁ Q₃ F₂. but F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ but that] F₁ Q₃ F₂. but F₃ F₄.

40. pen] henloft (Q₁ Q₂) Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ pen] henloft (Q₁ Q₂) Halliwell.

62. my] om. Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ my] om. Q3.

hath] have F₄.

have F₄.

65. ask] om. Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ask] om. Q₃.

66. Scene xiv. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 14. Pope.

67. Fenton] Fenter F₁.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Fenton] Fenter F₁.

75. mind] wind F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mind] wind F₂.

80. of] or Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ of] or Q3.

85, 86. Anne. Alas, ... turnips!] Anne. Alas, ... earth. Quick. And ... turnips Warburton.

85, 86. Anne. Oh no, ... turnips!] Anne. Oh no, ... earth. Quick. And ... turnips Warburton.

92. angry] angry else S. Verges conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ angry] angry else S. Verges conj.

93. gentle] my gentle Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ kind] my kind Capell.

95. and] or Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and] or Hanmer.

Act III: Scene 5

Scene v.] Scene xv. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 15. Pope.

5. in] into Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in] into Rowe.

9. blind bitch’s] bitch’s blind Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ blind bitch’s] bitch’s blind Hanmer.

16. mummy] mummy. Now, is the sack brewed? Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

16. mummy] mummy. So, is the sack ready? Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

22. Scene xvi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 16. Pope.

24. pottle] posset R. G. White.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ pottle] posset R. G. White.

60. sped you] you sped Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ you sped Rowe.

62. How so, sir] F₁ Q₃ F₂. How Sir F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ How's that, sir? F₁ Q₃ F₂. How, sir? F₃ F₄.

65. me] om. F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ me] om. F₄.

77. in] by (Q₁ Q₂) Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in] by (Q₁ Q₂) Theobald.

distraction] direction Hanmer.

80. By the Lord] (Q₁ Q₂) Malone. yes F₁ Q₃. yea F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ By the Lord] (Q₁ Q₂) Malone. yes F₁ Q₃. yeah F₂ F₃ F₄.

83. smell] smells Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ smell] smells Hanmer.

96. several] egregious (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ several] outrageous (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

106. in] is F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in] is F₂.

107. surge] forge Capell conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ surge] forge Capell conj.

110. have suffered] suffered F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ have suffered] suffered F₄.

130. nor] not Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ nor] not Q₃.

134. one] me Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ one] me Dyce.

[Exit.] Rowe. [Exeunt. Ff Q₃.

[Exit.] Rowe. [Exeunt. Ff Q3.]

Act IV: Scene 1

[A Street] Capell. Page’s House. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Capell. Page’s House. Pope.

10. let] get Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ let] get Collier MS.

25. polecats] powlcat Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ polecats] powlcat Q₃.

41. Accusativo] accusative F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Accusativo] accusative F3 F4.

hinc] hunc Halliwell.

43. hung] Pope. hing Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ hung] Pope. hing Ff Q₃.

56. Jenny’s] Ginyes Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Jenny’s Ginyes Ff Q₃.

63. lunaties] Ff Q₃. lunacies Rowe. lunaticks Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ lunacies Ff Q₃. lunacies Rowe. lunatics Capell.

64. of] and Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Collier MS.

65. desires] desire Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wants] want Pope.

70, 71. quæ ... quæs] que ... ques Ff Q₃.

Act IV: Scene 2

18. lunes] Theobald. lines Ff Q₃. vaine (Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Monday] Theobald. lines Ff Q₃. vain (Q₁ Q₂).

33. street] F₁ Q₃. streets F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ street] F₁ Q₃. streets F₂ F₃ F₄.

39. Re-enter F.] Enter. F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Re-enter F.] Enter. F2.

40. Scene iii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene iii. Pope.

43. pistols] Pistol Jackson conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Pistols] Pistol Jackson conj.

48. Creep into the kiln-hole] Given to Mrs Page by Dyce (Malone conj.).

48. Slide into the kiln-hole] Given to Mrs. Page by Dyce (Malone conj.).

55. Mrs Page] (Q₁ Q₂) Malone. Mist. Ford. Ff Q₃.

55. Mrs. Page] (Q₁ Q₂) Malone. Mist. Ford. Ff Q₃.

57. Mrs Ford] om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Mrs. Ford om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

62. a mischief] mischief F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ a mischief] mischief F4.

63, 73, 85, 150, and passim. Brentford] Brainford (Q₁ Q₂) Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_2__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_3__ Brentford] Brainford (Q1 Q2) Ff Q3.

66. thrummed] thrum’d F₁ F₂ F₃. thrumb F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ thrum] thrum’d F₁ F₂ F₃. thrum F₄.

89. him] F₂ F₃ F₄. om. F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ him] F₂ F₃ F₄. om. F₁ Q₃.

98. knight] F₁ Q₃. the knight F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ knight] F₁ Q₃. the knight F₂ F₃ F₄.

99. as lief] F₂ F₃ F₄. liefe as F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ would rather F₂ F₃ F₄. rather F₁ Q₃.

100. Scene iv. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene iv. Pope.

102. villain] villains Dyce.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ villain] villains Dyce.

Youth in a basket] you youth in a basket come out here Malone (from Q₁ Q₂).

103. ging] F₂ F₃ F₄. gin F₁ Q₃ gang Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ging] F₂ F₃ F₄. gin F₁ Q₃ gang Rowe.

104. shamed] ashamed F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ashamed F₂.

105. wife] om. Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wife] om. Rowe.

159. not] om. F₁.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ not] om. F₁.

160. Scene v. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene v. Pope.

Re-enter ... clothes] Rowe. Enter Fal. Ff. and Mistress Page] Pope.

163. hag] F₃ F₄. ragge F₁. hagge Q₃. rag F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ hag] F₃ F₄. rag F₁. hag Q₃. rag F₂.

170. By yea and no] By Jeshu (Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ By yes and no By Jeshu (Q₁ Q₂).

171. ’oman] ’omans Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Oman] Omanis Q₃.

172. his] Ff Q₃. her (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ his] Ff Q₃. her (Q₁ Q₂) Pope.

175. trail] F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. Tryal F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ trail] F₁ Q₃ F₂ F₃. Trial F₄.

188. fine] find Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ fine] find Q3.

193. brains] brain F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ brains] brain F3 F4.

197. period] right period Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ time] current time Hanmer.

198. the jest] jest Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the joke] joke Q₃.

199. it, then; shape it:] it, then shape it: Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mold it, then shape it: Ff Q₃.

Act IV: Scene 3

Scene iii.] Scene vi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 6. Pope.

1. Germans desire] Capell. Germane desires Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Germans desire] Capell. Germane desires Ff Q₃.

7. Ay] om. F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Ay] om. F₃ F₄.

9. house] (Q₁ Q₂) Rowe. houses Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ house] (Q₁ Q₂) Rowe. houses Ff Q₃.

11. come off] compt off Theobald (Warburton). not come off Capell.

Act IV: Scene 4

Scene iv.] Scene vii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene vii. Pope.

1. ’oman] o’mans Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ’oman] o’mans Q₃.

7. cold] Rowe. gold Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ chilly] Rowe. gold Ff Q₃.

9. as faith] F₁ Q₃. of faith F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ as faith] F₁ Q₃. of faith F₂ F₃ F₄.

11. as extreme] F₁ Q₃. om. as F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ as extreme] F₁ Q₃. om. as F₂ F₃ F₄.

11, 12. Printed in one line in Ff Q₃.

20. say] see Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ say] see Collier Middle School.

in the rivers] F₁ Q₃. into the river F₂ F₃ F₄.

22. terrors] terror Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ terrors] terror Q3.

29. midnight] F₁ Q₃. of midnight F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ midnight] F₁ Q₃. of midnight F₂ F₃ F₄.

30. great ragg’d] ragged Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ great ragged Pope.

31. tree] trees Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ tree] trees Hanmer.

41. Here Theobald inserts from Q₁ Q₂, We’ll send him word to meet us in the field, Disguised like Herne [Horne Q₁ Q₂] with huge horns on his head. Malone gives the second line only. See note (VIII).

41. Here Theobald includes from Q₁ Q₂, We’ll send him a message to meet us in the field, disguised like Herne [Horne Q₁ Q₂] with big horns on his head. Malone only provides the second line. See note (VIII).

56. to-pinch] Steevens (Tyrwhitt conj.).] to pinch Ff Q₃. too, pinch Warburton.

fairy-like, to-pinch] like to fairies pinch Hanmer.

fairy-like, to-pinch] like fairies pinch Hanmer.

60. him sound] F₂ F₃ F₄. him, sound, F₁ Q₃. him round, Pope. him soundly Collier MS.

67. taber] taper Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ taber] taper Pope.

72. time] tire Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ time] tire Theobald.

75. in name] in the name Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ in the name Q3.

86. he] him Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ he him Hanmer.

Act IV: Scene 5

Scene v.] Scene viii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 8. Pope.

2. snap] nap Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ snap] nap Q3.

17. [Above] Theobald. Enter Falstaff. Rowe. om. Ff Q₃.

27. Master Slender] Steevens. my master Slender, Ff Q₃.

28. thorough] F₁ Q₃. through F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ thorough] F₁ Q₃. through F₂ F₃ F₄.

39. Sim. I may...] Rowe. Fal. I may... Ff Q₃. Fal. You may... Collier MS.

39. Sim. I might...] Rowe. Fal. I might... Ff Q₃. Fal. You might... Collier MS.

40. Host.] Fal. Warburton.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Host: Fal. Warburton.

Conceal them, or] Conceal them, and Hanmer. Aye conseil them or Becket conj.

Keep them hidden, or Keep them hidden, and Hanmer. Yeah, advise them or Becket conj.

39, 40. conceal, Conceal] reveal, Reveal Farmer conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ hide, Hide] show, Show Farmer conj.

42. master’s] master Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ master's] master Q3.

49. Ay, sir; like] Ff Q₃. I tike, (Q₁ Q₂). Ay, sir Tike, Steevens (Farmer conj.). Ay, sir, tike, Collier. See note (IX).

49. Yes, sir; like] Ff Q₃. I take, (Q₁ Q₂). Yes, sir Take, Steevens (Farmer conj.). Yes, sir, take, Collier. See note (IX).

58. Scene ix. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 9. Pope.

61. with] with by Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ with] by Collier MS.

71. Readins] Reading F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Reading F₄.

80. grand] agrand F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ grand] agrand F3 F4.

85. [Exeunt H. and B.] Capell. [Exit F₂. om. F₁ Q₃.

85. [Exit H. and B.] Capell. [Exit F₂. om. F₁ Q₃.

94. [to say my prayers] (Q₁ Q₂) Pope. om. Ff Q₃.

95. repent] pray and repent Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ repent] pray and repent Collier MS.

96. Scene x. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene x. Pope.

110. an old woman] a wode woman Theobald.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ an old woman] a wode woman Theobald.

Act IV: Scene 6

Scene vi.] Ff Q₃. Scene xi. Pope. Theobald continues Sc. 5.

Scene 6.] Ff Q₃. Scene 11. Pope. Theobald continues Sc. 5.

The same] Another room. Capell.

Another room. Capell.

14. whereof] whereof’s Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Pope.

16. fat Falstaff] F₁ Q₃. wherein fat Falstaff (Q₁ Q₂) Malone. fat sir John Falstaffe F₂ F₃ F₄. fat Falstaff, he S. Walker conj. therein fat Falstaff Id. conj.

16. chubby Falstaff] F₁ Q₃. wherein chubby Falstaff (Q₁ Q₂) Malone. chubby Sir John Falstaff F₂ F₃ F₄. chubby Falstaff, he S. Walker conj. therein chubby Falstaff Id. conj.

17. scene] scare (Q₁ Q₂). share S. Verges conj. scene in it Capell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ scene] scare (Q₁ Q₂). share S. Verges conj. scene in it Capell.

27. even] ever Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ even] ever Pope.

39. denote] Capell (Steevens conj.). devote Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mark] Capell (Steevens conj.). dedicate Ff Q₃.

50. marrying] marriage S. Walker conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ wedding] marriage S. Walker conj.

51. ceremony] matrimony (Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ceremony] wedding (Q₁ Q₂).

Act V: Scene 1

Act v. Scene i.] Act iv. (continued). Scene xii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Act IV. (continued). Scene 12. Pope.

Act V: Scene 2

Scene ii.] Act V. Scene i. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Act V. Scene 1. Pope.

Windsor Park] Pope. [A street. Capell.

3. daughter] om. F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ daughter] om. F₁ Q₃.

Act V: Scene 3

Scene iii.] Scene ii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene 2. Pope.

A street, &c.] [Another street, &c. Capell.

12. Hugh] Capell. Herne Ff Q₃. Evans Theobald (Thirlby conj.).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Hugh] Capell. Herne Ff Q₃. Evans Theobald (Thirlby conj.).

19. every way] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ every way] F₁ Q₃. om. F₂ F₃ F₄.

Act V: Scene 4

Scene iv.] Scene II. continued in Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene II continued in Pope.

3. pid] F₁ Q₃. bid F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ pid] F₁ Q₃. bid F₂ F₃ F₄.

Act V: Scene 5

Scene v.] Scene iii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Scene iii. Pope.

Enter F...] Enter Sir John with a Buck’s head upon him (Q₁ Q₂).

Enter F...] Enter Sir John wearing a Buck’s head (Q₁ Q₂).

22. bribe] Theobald. brib’d Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bribe] Theobald. bribed Ff Q₃.

32-34. Printed as verse in Ff Q₃.

34. Enter ... tapers] See note (X).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Enter ... tapers] See __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__.

35. Quick.] Qui. Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Quick. Qui. Ff Q₃.

37. orphan] ouphan Theobald (Warburton).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ orphan] ouphan Theobald (Warburton).

41. shalt thou leap] when thou’st leapt Collier MS. having leapt Singer.

41. will you leap] when you've leaped Collier MS. having leaped Singer.

42. unswept] to sweep S. Verges conj.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ unswept] to sweep S. Verges conj.

46. [Lies ... face] Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Lies ... face] Rowe.

47. Bede] Ff Q₃. Pede Theobald. Pead (Q₁ Q₂).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Bede] Ff Q₃. Pede Theobald. Pead (Q₁ Q₂).

51. as] that F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ as] that F4.

53. Quick.] Qu. F₁ Q₃ F₂. Qui. F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Quick. Qu. F₁ Q₃ F₂. Qui. F₃ F₄.

57. state as] site as Hanmer. seat as S. Walker conj.

58. and] as Theobald (Warburton).

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and] as Theobald (Warburton).

63. nightly, meadow-fairies,] Capell. Nightly-meadow-Fairies Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ nightly, meadow-fairies,] Capell. Nightly-meadow-Fairies Ff Q₃.

66. More] Mote F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ More] Mote F₁ Q₃.

68. emerald tufts] Emrold-tuffes Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ emerald tufts] Emerald tufts Ff Q₃.

purple] purfled Warburton.

69. sapphire, pearl] Theobald. saphire-pearle Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ sapphire, pearl] Theobald. sapphire-pearl Ff Q₃.

and] in Warburton.

and in Warburton.

75. Pray you] om. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Hope you] om. Pope.

86. [They burn ... tapers.] Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [They burn ... candles.] Rowe.

90. time] time. Eva. It is right, indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquity. Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

90. time] time. Eva. It’s true, he’s definitely full of lust and wrongdoing. Theobald (from Q₁ Q₂).

91. sinful] simple Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ sinful simple Pope.

93. a bloody fire] i’ th’ blood a fire] Hanmer.

93. a bloody fire] in the blood a fire] Hanmer.

95. heart] the heart Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ heart] the heart Hanmer.

97. Mutually] mutuall Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Mutually] mutual Q₃.

100. The stage direction which follows was inserted by Theobald from Q₁ Q₂, with some verbal changes.

100. The stage direction that follows was added by Theobald from Q₁ Q₂, with some wording changes.

101. Enter...] Enter... They lay hold on him. Rowe.

101. Enter...] Enter... They grab onto him. Rowe.

101, 102. Printed as prose in Ff Q₃.

105. these, husband] these husband F₁ Q₃. these husbands F₂ F₃ F₄. these, husbands Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ these, husband] these husband F₁ Q₃. these husbands F₂ F₃ F₄. these, husbands Hanmer.

yokes] yoakes F₁ Q₃. okes F₂ F₃. oaks F₄. oaks [Pointing to the horns. Hanmer.

fair yokes] fairy jokes Jackson conj.

fairy jokes Jackson conj.

111. paid to Master Brook] paid to M. Foord (Q₁ Q₂). pay’d too, Master Brook Capell.

111. paid to Master Brook] paid to M. Foord (Q₁ Q₂). paid too, Master Brook Capell.

120. the sudden] with the sudden Hanmer.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the sudden] with the sudden Hanmer.

136. pelly] F₂ F₃ F₄. belly F₁ Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ pelly] F2 F3 F4. belly F1 Q3.

148. as slanderous] slanderous Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ slanderous Q₃.

152. sack, and wine] sacks, and wines Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ sack, and wine] sacks, and wines Pope.

153. starings] F₁ Q₃. staring F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ starings] F₁ Q₃. staring F₂ F₃ F₄.

156. is a plummet o’er me] is plummet o’er me Q₃. has a plume o’ me Johnson conj. is a planet o’er me Farmer conj.

156. is a fall over me] is a fall over me Q₃. has a feather of me Johnson conj. is a planet over me Farmer conj.

162. After this line Theobald inserts from Q₁ Q₂: Mrs Ford. Nay, husband, let that go to make amends; Forgive that sum, and so we’ll all be friends. Ford. Well, here’s my hand: all is forgiven at last.

162. After this line, Theobald adds from Q₁ Q₂: Mrs Ford. Come on, husband, let’s put that aside; forgive that amount, and we’ll all be friends. Ford. Alright, here’s my hand: it’s all forgiven now.

167, 168. Given to Mrs Ford in Q₃. [Aside] Theobald.

167, 168. Given to Mrs. Ford in Q₃. [Aside] Theobald.

169. Scene vi. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 6. Pope.

Whoa] What Rowe.

Whoa, what, Rowe.

177. i’ the] i’t F₂.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ i’m the] i’m F₂.

186. white] Pope. green Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ white] Pope. green Ff Q₃.

190, 196. green] Pope. white Ff Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ green Pope. white Ff Q₃.

190. into] in Q₃.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ into] in Q3.

193. Scene vii. Pope.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Scene 7. Pope.

194. un garçon] Capell. oon garsoon F₁ Q₃. one garsoon F₂ F₃ F₄.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ a boy] Capell. one boy F₁ Q₃. one boy F₂ F₃ F₄.

un paysan] Capell. oon pesant Ff Q₃.

boy] boe F₂ F₃ F₄.

boy] boe F2 F3 F4.

196. did you] did you not Rowe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ did you did you not Rowe.

214. title] guile Collier MS.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ title] cunning Collier MS.

225. After this line Pope, followed by Theobald, inserts from Q₁ Q₂: Evans [aside to Fenton] I will dance and eat plums at your wedding.

225. After this line, Pope, followed by Theobald, quotes from Q₁ Q₂: Evans [aside to Fenton] I will dance and eat plums at your wedding.

231. Let it be so. Sir John,] Let it be so (Sir John:) Ff Q₃.

257

A

Pleasant Conceited Comedie,

of

Syr Iohn Falstaffe,

and

the merry Wiues of VVindsor.

Enter Iustice Shallow, Syr Hugh, Maister Page, and Slender.

Shal. Nere talke to me, Ile make a star-chamber matter of it.

Shall. You talk to me, and I'll turn it into a serious issue.

The Councell shall know it.

The Council shall know it.

Page. Nay good maister Shallow be perswaded by mee.

Page. No, good Mr. Shallow, don’t let me convince you.

Slen. Nay surely my vncle shall not put it vp so.

Slen. No way, my uncle won’t accept that.

5 Sir Hu. Wil you not heare reasons M. Slenders?

5 Sir Hu. Won't you listen to reason, Mr. Slenders?

You should heare reasons.

You should hear reasons.

Shal. Tho he be a knight, he shall not thinke to carrie it so away.

Shall. Even though he's a knight, he shouldn't think he can just get away with it.

M. Page I will not be wronged. For you

M. Page I won’t be mistreated. For you

Syr, I loue you, and for my cousen,

Sire, I love you, and for my cousin,

10 He comes to looke vpon your daughter.

10 He comes to see your daughter.

Pa. And heres my hand, and if my daughter

Pa. And here's my hand, and if my daughter

Like him so well as I, wee’l quickly haue it a match:

Like him as much as I do, we'll quickly make it a match:

In the meane time let me entreate you to soiourne

In the meantime, let me ask you to stay.

Here a while. And on my life Ile vndertake

Here for a while. And I swear I'll take on

15 To make you friends.

To make friends.

Sir Hu. I pray you M. Shallowes let it be so.

Sir Hu. I ask you, M. Shallowes, to make it happen.

The matter is pud to arbitarments.

The matter is submitted to arbitration.

The first man is M. Page, videlicet M. Page.

The first man is M. Page, that is M. Page.

The second is my selfe, videlicet my selfe.

The second is myself, that is, myself.

20 The third and last man, is mine host of the gartyr.

20 The third and final man is the owner of the inn.

Enter Syr Iohn Falstaffe, Pistoll, Bardolfe, and Nim.

Heere is sir Iohn himselfe now, looke you.

Here is Sir John himself now, just so you know.

Fal. Now M. Shallow, youle complaine of me to the Councell, I heare?

Fal. So, M. Shallow, you're going to complain about me to the Council, right?

Shal. Sir Iohn, sir Iohn, you haue hurt my keeper,

Shall. Sir Iohn, sir Iohn, you’ve hurt my guard,

258

I. 25 Kild my dogs, stolne my deere.

I. 25 I killed my dogs, stole my deer.

Fal. But not kissed your keepers daughter.

Fal. But you haven't kissed your keeper's daughter.

Shal. Well this shall be answered.

Shal. Well, this will be answered.

Fal. He answere it strait. I haue done all this.

Fal. He answered it strait. I’ve done all this.

This is now answred.

This is now answered.

30 Shal. Well, the Councell shall know it.

30 Shall. Well, the council will know about it.

Fal. Twere better for you twere knowne in counsell,

Fal. It would be better if you knew in confidence,

Youle be laught at.

You'll be laughed at.

Sir Hugh. Good vrdes sir Iohn, good vrdes.

Sir Hugh. Good news, sir John, good news.

Fal. Good vrdes, good Cabidge.

Good words, good cabbage.

35 Slender I brake your head,

Slender, I’ll break your head,

What matter haue you against mee?

What do you have against me?

Slen. I haue matter in my head against you and your cogging companions, Pistoll and Nym. They carried mee to the Tauerne, and made mee drunke, and afterward picked my pocket.

Sleek. I have something to say about you and your cheating friends, Pistol and Nym. They took me to the tavern, got me drunk, and then stole from me.

40 Fal. What say you to this Pistoll, did you picke Maister Slenders purse Pistoll?

40 Fal. What do you think about this Pistoll, did you steal Master Slender's wallet Pistoll?

Slen. I by this handkercher did he. Two faire shouell boord shillings, besides seuen groats in mill sixpences.

Sleek. I did it with this handkerchief. Two nice shillings, plus seven groats in sixpences.

Fal. What say you to this Pistoll?

What do you think, Pistoll?

45 Pist. Sir Iohn, and Maister mine, I combat craue

45 Pistachio. Sir John, and my master, I demand a fight.

Of this same laten bilbo. I do retort the lie

Of this same late Bilbo. I do counter the lie.

Euen in thy gorge, thy gorge, thy gorge.

Euen in your throat, your throat, your throat.

Slen. By this light it was he then.

Slen. So it was him then, in this light.

Nym. Syr my honor is not for many words,

Nym. Sir, my honor isn’t about a lot of words,

I. 50 But if you run bace humors of me,

I. 50 But if you bring back bad moods from me,

I will say mary trap. And there’s the humor of it.

I will say, "Mary, trap." And that’s the joke of it.

Fal. You heare these matters denide gentlemen,

Fal. You hear these things denied, gentlemen,

You heare it.

You hear it.

Enter Mistresse Foord, Mistresse Page, and her daughter Anne.

Pa. No more now,

Pa. Not anymore,

55 I thinke it be almost dinner time,

55 I think it's almost dinner time,

For my wife is come to meete vs.

For my wife has come to meet us.

Fal. Mistresse Foord, I think your name is,

Fal. Mistress Foord, I believe your name is,

If I mistake not.

If I'm not mistaken.

Syr Iohn kisses her.

Mis. Ford. Your mistake sir is nothing but in the Mistresse.

Ms. Ford. Your mistake, sir, is just with the Mistress.

60 But my husbands name is Foord sir.

But my husband's name is Foord, sir.

Fal. I shall desire your more acquaintance.

Fal. I would like to get to know you better.

The like of you good misteris Page.

The likes of you, good sir Page.

Mis. Pa. With all my hart sir Iohn.

Ms. P. With all my heart, sir John.

Come husband will you goe?

Come, husband, will you go?

65 Dinner staies for vs.

Dinner stays for vs.

Pa. With all my hart, come along Gentlemen.

Pa. With all my heart, come on, gentlemen.

Exit all, but Slender and Mistresse Anne.

Exit everyone except Slender and Mistress Anne.

259

Anne. Now forsooth why do you stay me?

Why are you holding me up?

What would you with me?

What would you do with me?

Slen. Nay for my owne part, I would litle or nothing with you. 70 I loue you well, and my vncle can tell you how my liuing stands. And if you can loue me why so. If not, why then happie man be his dole.

Sleek. No, for my own part, I want very little to do with you. 70 I care about you, and my uncle can explain my situation. If you can love me, that's great. If not, then happy be the man who gets what he deserves.

An. You say well M. Slender.

You say well, M. Slender.

But first you must giue me leaue to

But first, you have to let me

I. 75 Be acquainted with your humor,

I. 75 Know your sense of humor,

And afterward to loue you if I can.

And afterward, I’ll love you if I can.

Slen. Why by God, there’s neuer a man in christendome can desire more. What haue you beares in your Towne mistresse Anne, your dogs barke so?

Sleek. I swear, there’s never a man in the world who could want more. What do you have going on in your town, Miss Anne, that has your dogs barking like that?

80 An. I cannot tell M. Slender, I think there be.

80 An. I can't say for sure, M. Slender, but I think there are.

Slen. Ha how say you? I warrant your afeard of a Beare let loose, are you not?

Slen. Ha, what do you say? I bet you're afraid of a bear being let loose, aren't you?

An. Yes trust me.

Yes, trust me.

Slen. Now that’s meate and drinke to me,

Slen. Now that's food and drink to me,

85 He run yon to a beare, and take her by the mussell,

85 He runs yon to a bear and grabs her by the muzzle,

You neuer saw the like.

You never saw anything like it.

But indeed I cannot blame you,

But honestly, I can’t blame you,

For they are maruellous rough things.

For they are really rough things.

Anne. Will yo go into dinner M. Slendor?

Anne. Will you join us for dinner, Mr. Slendor?

90 The meate staies for you.

The meat's waiting for you.

Slen. No faith not I. I thanke you,

Slen. No, I don't believe so. Thank you,

I cannot abide the smell of hot meate

I can't stand the smell of hot meat.

Nere since I broke my shin. Ile tel you how it came

Nere since I broke my shin. I'll tell you how it happened.

By my troth. A Fencer and I plaid three venies

By my word. A fencer and I played three matches.

95 For a dish of stewd prunes, and I with my ward

95 For a dish of stewed prunes, and I with my guardian

Defending my head, he hot my shin. Yes faith.

Defending my head, he hit my shin. Yes, really.

Enter Maister Page.

Pa. Come, come Maister Slender, dinner staies for you.

Pa. Come on, Mr. Slender, dinner is waiting for you.

Slen. I can eate no meate, I thanke you.

Sleek. I can't eat any food, thank you.

Pa. You shall not choose I say.

Pa. You can't choose, I’m telling you.

I. 100 Slen. Ile follow you sir, pray leade the way.

I. 100 Slen. I'll follow you, sir, please lead the way.

Nay be God misteris Anne, you shall goe first,

Nay be God misteris Anne, you shall go first,

I haue more manners then so, I hope.

I have better manners than that, I hope.

An. Well sir, I will not be troublesome.

An. Well, sir, I won’t be a bother.

Exit omnes.

Everyone exits.

Sc. ii. Enter Sir Hugh and Simple, from dinner.

Sir Hu. Hark you Simple, pray you beare this letter to doctor Cayus house, the French Doctor. He is twell vp along the street, and enquire of his house for one mistris Quickly, his woman, or his try 260 nurse, and deliuer this Letter to her, it tis about Maister Slender. 5 Looke you, will you do it now?

Mr. Hu. Listen, Simple, please take this letter to Dr. Cayus’s house, the French doctor. He lives further up the street, and ask for his woman, Mistress Quickly, or his nurse, and deliver this letter to her; it's about Master Slender. 260 5 So, will you do it now?

Sim. I warrant you sir.

Sure thing, sir.

Sir Hu. Pray you do, I must not be absent at the grace.

Sir H. Please do, I can't miss the blessing.

I will goe make an end of my dinner,

I will go finish my dinner,

There is pepions and cheese behinde.

There is pepper and cheese behind.

Exit omnes.

Everyone exit.

Sc. iii. Enter Sir Iohn Falstaffes Host of the Garter, Nym, Bardolfe, Pistoll, and the Boy.

Fal. Mine Host of the Garter.

Fal. Owner of the Garter.

Host. What ses my bully Rooke?

What’s my bully Rooke?

Speake schollerly and wisely.

Speak scholarly and wisely.

Fal. Mine Host, I must turne away some of my followers.

Fal. My Host, I have to let go of some of my followers.

5 Host. Discard bully, Hercules cassire.

Discard bully, Hercules sleuth.

Let them wag, trot, trot.

Let them run and play.

Fal. I sit at ten pound a weeke.

Fal. I make ten pounds a week.

Host. Thou art an Emperor Cæsar, Phesser and Kesar bully.

You are an Emperor Cæsar, Phesser, and Kesar bully.

Ile entertaine Bardolfe. He shall tap, he shall draw.

Ile entertains Bardolfe. He will pour, he will serve.

10 Said I well, bully Hector?

Said I right, bully Hector?

Fal. Do good mine Host.

Do good, my host.

Host. I haue spoke. Let him follow. Bardolfe

Host. I’ve said my piece. Let him go ahead. Bardolfe

Let me see thee froth, and lyme. I am at

Let me see you froth and lime. I am at

A word. Follow, follow.

A word. Follow along.

Exit Host.

Log out.

15 Fal. Do Bardolfe, a Tapster is a good trade,

15 Fal. Being a tapster, Bardolfe, is a solid job,

An old cloake will make a new Ierkin,

An old cloak will make a new jacket,

A withered seruingman, a fresh Tapster:

A dried-up servant, a lively bartender:

Follow him Bardolfe.

Follow him, Bardolfe.

Bar. I will sir, Ile warrant you Ile make a good shift to liue.

Bar. I will, sir. I guarantee you I'll find a way to make a decent living.

Exit Bardolfe.

20 Pis. O bace gongarian wight, wilt thou the spicket willd?

20 Pis. O lowly creature, will you turn the faucet?

Nym. His minde is not heroick. And theres the humor of it.

Nym. His mind isn't heroic. And that's the funny part.

Fal. Well my Laddes, I am almost out at the heeles.

Fal. Well, my friends, I'm nearly broke.

Pis. Why then let cybes insue.

Pis. Then why let chaos ensue?

Nym. I thanke thee for that humor.

Nym. Thanks for the joke.

III. 25 Fal. Well I am glad I am so rid of this tinder Boy.

III. 25 Fal. Well, I’m glad I’m done with this fiery kid.

His stealth was too open, his filching was like

His stealth was too obvious, his stealing was like

An vnskilfull singer, he kept not time.

An unskilled singer, he couldn't keep time.

Nym. The good humour is to steale at a minutes rest.

Nym. The good mood is easy to take when you have a moment to relax.

Pis. Tis so indeed Nym, thou hast hit it right.

Pis. It's true indeed Nym, you got it exactly right.

30 Fal. Wel, afore God, I must cheat, I must conycatch.

30 Fal. Well, by God, I have to cheat, I have to con.

Which of you knowes Foord of this Towne?

Which of you knows Foord from this town?

Pis. I ken the wight, he is of substance good.

Pis. I know the guy, he's really something.

Fal. Well my honest Lads, Ile tell you what

Fal. Well, my honest guys, I'll tell you what

I am about.

I'm almost there.

261

Pis. Two yards and more.

Two yards or more.

Fal. No gibes now Pistoll: indeed I am two yards

Fal. No more teasing now Pistoll: honestly, I'm two yards

In the wast, but now I am about no wast:

In the waste, but now I'm not in any waste:

Briefly, I am about thrift you rogues you,

Briefly, I’m talking about saving money, you tricksters you,

I do intend to make loue to Foords wife,

I do plan to pursue Foord's wife.

40 I espie entertainment in her. She carues, she

40 I see entertainment in her. She carves, she

Discourses. She giues the lyre of inuitation,

Discourses. She gives the lyre of invitation,

And euery part to be constured rightly is, I am

And every part to be understood correctly is, I am

Syr Iohn Falstaffes.

Syr John Falstaff.

Pis. Hee hath studied her well, out of honestie

Pis. He has studied her closely, out of honesty.

45 Into English.

Translate to English.

Fal. Now the report goes, she hath all the rule

Fal. So the rumor goes, she has all the control

Of her husbands purse. She hath legians of angels.

Of her husband's purse. She has legions of angels.

Pis. As many diuels attend her.

As many devils attend her.

And to her boy say I.

And to her boy, I say.

III. 50 Fal. Heree’s a Letter to her. Heeres another to misteris Page. Who euen now gaue me good eies too, examined my exteriors with such a greedy intention, with the beames of her beautie, that it seemed as she would a scorged me vp like a burning glasse. Here is another Letter to her, shee beares the purse too. They shall be Excheckers 55 to me, and Ile be cheaters to them both. They shall be my East and West Indies, and Ile trade to them both. Heere beare thou this Letter to mistresse Foord. And thou this to mistresse Page. Weelethriue Lads, we will thriue.

III. 50 Fal. Here's a letter for her. Here's another for Mrs. Page. Who just now gave me a lovely look, checking me out with such intense desire, using the power of her beauty, that it felt like she was going to scorch me up like a burning glass. Here’s another letter for her; she’s got the money too. They’ll be my banks, and I’ll trick both of them. They’ll be my East and West Indies, and I’ll trade with them both. Here, take this letter to Mrs. Foord. And you take this one to Mrs. Page. We’re going to thrive, lads, we will thrive.

Pist. Shall I sir Panderowes of Troy become?

Pist. Should I become Sir Panderowes of Troy?

60 And by my sword were steele.

And with my sword __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ metal.

Then Lucifer take all.

Then Lucifer takes everything.

Nym. Here, take your humor Letter againe,

Nym. Here, take your funny letter back,

For my part, I will keepe the hauior

For my part, I will keep the behavior

Of reputation. And theres the humor of it.

Of reputation. And there's the humor in that.

65 Fal. Here sirrha beare me these Letters titely,

65 Fal. Hey, could you take these letters for me, please?

Saile like my pinnice to the golden shores:

Saile like my small boat to the golden shores:

Hence slaues, avant. Vanish like hailstones, goe.

Hence, slaves, go away. Disappear like hailstones.

Falstaffe will learne the humor of this age,

Falstaffe will learn the humor of this time,

French thrift you rogue, my selfe and scirted Page.

French thrift, you rascal, my self and well-dressed servant.

Exit Falstaffe, and the Boy.

Exit Falstaff and the Boy.

70 Pis. And art thou gone? Teaster Ile haue in pouch

70 Pis. Are you really gone? I’ll have a teaser in my pocket.

When thou shalt want, bace Phrygian Turke,

When you want, lowly Phrygian Turk,

Nym. I haue operations in my head, which are humors of reuenge.

Nym. I have plans in my head that are driven by a desire for revenge.

Pis. Wilt thou reuenge?

Pis. Will you take revenge?

III. 75 Nym. By Welkin and her Fairies.

By Welkin and her Fairies.

Pis. By wit, or sword?

By wit or by sword?

Nym. With both the humors I will disclose this loue to Page. He poses him with Iallowes,

Nym. With both my moods, I will reveal this love to Page. He treats him with compliments,

262

And theres the humor of it.

And there's the humor in it.

80 Pis. And I to Foord will likewise tell

80 Pis. And I will also share with Foord

How Falstaffe varlot vilde,

How Falstaff would act,

Would haue her loue, his doue would proue,

Would have her love, his dove would prove,

And eke his bed defile.

And also ruin his bed.

Nym. Let vs about it then.

Nym. Let's talk about it then.

85 Pis. He second thee: sir Corporall Nym troope on.

85 Pis. He agrees with you: Sir Corporal Nym, move on.

Exit omnes.

Everyone out.

Sc. iv. Enter Mistresse Quickly, and Simple.

Quic. M. Slender is your masters name say you?

M. Slender is your master’s name, right?

Sim. I indeed that is his name.

Sim. Yep, that's his name.

Quic. How say you? I take it hee is somewhat a weakly man:

Quick. What do you think? I assume he’s kind of a frail guy:

And he has as it were a whay coloured beard.

And he has, so to speak, a grayish-white beard.

5 Sim. Indeed my maisters beard is kane colored.

5 Yep. Actually, my master's beard is cane-colored.

Quic. Kane colour, you say well.

Kane color, you say well.

And is this Letter from sir You, about misteris An,

And is this letter from Sir You, about Mr. An,

Is it not?

Sim. I indeed is it.

Sim. I really am it.

10 Quic. So: and your Maister would haue me as it twere to speak to misteris Anne concerning him: I promise you my M. hath a great affectoned mind to mistresse Anne himselfe. And if he should know that I should as they say, giue my verdit for any one but himselfe, I should heare of it throughly: For I tell you friend, he puts all his priuities 15 in me.

10 Quick. So, your master wants me to talk to Miss Anne about him. I promise you, my master really cares for Miss Anne himself. And if he finds out that I might, as they say, give my opinion on anyone but him, I would definitely hear about it. Because, I’m telling you, my friend, he shares all his private thoughts with me. 15

Sim. I by my faith you are a good staie to him.

Yep. I swear, you really have his back.

Quic. Am I? I and you knew all yowd say so:

Quick. Am I? You and I both knew you'd say that:

Washing, brewing, baking, al goes through my hands,

Washing, brewing, baking, all go through my hands,

Or else it would be but a woe house.

Or else it would just be a sad place.

20 Sim. I beshrow me, one woman to do all this, Is very painfull.

20 Yep. Honestly, for one woman to handle all this is really tough.

Quic. Are you auised of that? I, I warrant you,

Quick. Are you aware of that? I assure you,

Take all, and paie all, all goe through my hands,

Take everything, and pay everyone, all pass through my hands,

And he is such a honest man, and he should chance

And he is such an honest man, and he should take a risk

IV. 25 To come home and finde a man here, we should

IV. 25 To come home and find a man here, we should

Haue no who with him. He is a parlowes man.

Sim. Is he indeed?

Uh-huh. Is he really?

Quic. Is he, quoth you? God keepe him abroad:

Quick. Is he, you ask? God keep him away:

Lord blesse me, who knocks there?

Lord bless me, who’s there knocking?

30 For Gods sake step into the Counting-house,

30 For heaven's sake, step into the office,

While I go see whose at doore.

While I go see who's at doore.

He steps into the Counting-house.

He walks into the office.

What Iohn Rugby, Iohn,

What John Rugby, John,

Are you come home sir alreadie?

Are you home already, sir?

And she opens the doore.

And she opens the door.

263

Doct. I begar I be forget mine oyntment,

I forgot my ointment.

35 Where be Iohn Rugby?

Where is Iohn Rugby?

Enter Iohn.

Rug. Here sir, do you call?

Rug. Here, sir, are you calling?

Doct. I you be Iohn Rugbie, and you be Iack Rugby

Doc. If you are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby

Goe run vp met your heeles, and bring away

Goes, run up with your heels, and take away.

De oyntment in the vindoe present:

40 Make haste Iohn Rugbie. O I am almost forget

40 Hurry up, Iohn Rugbie. Oh, I’m almost forgetting.

My simples in a boxe in de Counting-house:

My samples in a box in the office:

O Ieshu vat be here, a deuella, a deuella?

O Ieshu, will you be here, a devil, a devil?

My Rapier Iohn Rugby, Vat be you, vat make

My Rapier Iohn Rugby, What are you, what do you do

You in my Counting-house?

You in my office?

45 I tinck you be a teefe.

I think you are a thief.

Quic. Ieshu blesse me, we are all vndone.

Quick. Ieshu bless me, we are all done for.

Sim. O Lord sir no: I am no theefe,

Oh no, sir: I'm not a thief.

I am a Seruingman:

I am a Serviceman:

My name is Iohn Simple, I brought a Letter sir

My name is John Simple, I brought a letter, sir.

IV. 50 From my M. Slender, about misteris Anne Page

IV. 50 From my M. Slender, about Ms. Anne Page

Sir: Indeed that is my comming.

Sir: Indeed that is my arrival.

Doct. I begar is dat all? Iohn Rugby giue a ma pen

Doc. Is that all? John Rugby give me a pen.

An Inck: tarche vn pettit tarche a little.

An Inck: tarche a small tarche a little.

The Doctor writes.

The doctor is writing.

Sim. O God what a furious man is this?

Yep. Oh God, what an angry man this is!

55 Quic. Nay it is well he is no worse:

55 Quick. At least it’s good that he isn’t any worse:

I am glad he is so quiet.

Doc. Here giue that same to sir Hu, it ber ve chalenge

Doc. Here, give that to Sir Hu, it bears a challenge.

Begar tell him I will cut his nase, will you?

Begar tell him I will cut his nose, will you?

Sim. I sir, Ile tell him so.

Sim. I will tell him that.

60 Doc. Dat be vell, my rapier Iohn Rugby, follow may.

60 Doc. That’s fine, my sword Iohn Rugby, come along.

Exit Doctor.

Quic. Well my friend, I cannot tarry, tell your

Quick. Well my friend, I can't stay, tell your

Maister Ile doo what I can for him,

Maister I will do what I can for him,

And so farewell.

Goodbye.

Sim. Marry will I, I am glad I am got hence.

Yep. Sure, I will! I’m really glad I got away from there.

Exit omnes.

Everyone out.

Sc. v. Enter Mistresse Page, reading of a Letter.

Mis. Pa. Mistresse Page I loue you. Ask me no reason,

Ms. Pa. Mistress Page I love you. Don't ask me why,

Because theyr impossible to alledge. Your faire,

Because they're impossible to argue. Your fair,

And I am fat. You loue sack, so do I:

And I am overweight. You love wine, and so do I:

As I am sure I haue no mind but to loue,

As I am sure I have no intention but to love,

5 So I know you haue no hart but to grant

5 So I know you have no heart but to grant

A souldier doth not vse many words where a knowes

A soldier doesn't use many words where he knows

A letter may serue for a sentence. I loue you,

A letter can serve as a sentence. I love you,

264

And so I leaue you.

And so I leave you.

Yours Syr Iohn Falstaffe.

Your sir, John Falstaff.

10 Now Ieshu blesse me, am I methomorphised?

10 Now Jesus bless me, am I transformed?

I think I knowe not my selfe. Why what a Gods name doth this man see in me, that thus he shootes at my honestie? Well but that I knowe my owne heart, I should scarcely perswade my selfe I were hand. Why what an vnreasonable woolsack is this. He was neuer 15 twice in my companie, and if then I thought I gaue such assurance with my eies, Ide pull them out, they should neuer see more holie daies. Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I liue for his sake. O God, that I knew how to be reuenged of him. But in good time, heeres mistresse Foord.

I don’t think I know myself. What on earth does this guy see in me that makes him attack my integrity like this? If I didn’t know my own heart, I’d hardly believe I was innocent. What an unreasonable situation this is. He’s never been around me, and if I thought I gave him any reason to think that, I’d rip my eyes out so they’d never see the light of day again. Well, I’m going to be more suspicious of overweight guys for his sake. Oh God, I wish I knew how to get back at him. But here comes Mistress Foord.

Enter Mistresse Foord.

20 Mis. For. How now mistris Page, are you are reading Loue letters? How do you woman?

20 Mistake. For. Hey there, Mrs. Page, are you reading love letters? How are you doing, woman?

Mis. Pa. O woman I am I know not what:

Ms. Pa. O woman, I am not sure who I am:

In loue vp to the hard eares. I was neuer in such a case in my life.

In love up to my ears. I've never been in such a situation in my life.

Mis. Ford. In loue, now in the name of God with whom?

Ms. Ford. In love, now in the name of God, with whom?

V. 25 Mis. Pa. With one that sweares he loues me,

V. 25 Ms. Pa. With someone who claims he loves me,

And I must not choose but do the like againe:

And I have to do the same again:

I prethie looke on that Letter.

I then looked at that letter.

Mis. For. He match your letter iust with the like,

Mis. For. He matched your letter just like that,

Line for line, word for word. Onely the name

Line for line, word for word. Only the name

30 Of misteris Page, and misteris Foord disagrees:

Of misteris Page and misteris Foord disagree:

Do me the kindnes to looke vpon this.

Do me the kindnes to take a look at this.

Mis. Pa. Why this is right my letter.

Ms. Pa. Why is this the right way to write my letter?

O most notorious villaine!

Oh, most notorious villain!

Why what a bladder of iniquity is this?

Why, what a bag of wickedness is this?

35 Lets be reuenged what so ere we do.

35 Let's get revenge no matter what we do.

Mis. For. Reuenged, if we liue weel be reuenged.

Mis. For. We'll get our revenge. If we live, we'll make it happen.

O Lord if my husband should see this Letter,

O Lord, if my husband sees this letter,

Ifaith this would euen giue edge to his Iealousie.

If faith this would even add fuel to his jealousy.

Enter Ford, Page, Pistoll, and Nym.

Mis. Pa. See where our husbands are,

Ms. Pa. Look where our husbands are,

40 Mine’s as far from Iealousie,

Mine’s as far from Jealousy,

As I am from wronging him.

Pis. Ford the words I speake are forst:

Pis. Ford the words I speak are forced:

Beware, take heed, for Falstaffe loues thy wife:

Beware, pay attention, for Falstaffe loves your wife:

When Pistoll lies do this.

When Pistoll tells lies, do this.

45 Ford. Why sir my wife is not young.

45 Ford. Well, sir, my wife isn’t young.

Pis. He wooes both yong and old, both rich and poore,

Pis. He courts both young and old, both rich and poor,

None comes amis. I say he loues thy wife:

None comes here. I say he loves your wife:

265

Faire warning did I giue, take heed,

For sommer comes, and cuckoo birds appeare;

For summer comes, and cuckoo birds appear;

V. 50 Page belieue him what he ses. Away sir Corporal Nym.

V. 50 Page believe him if he says it. Go on, Corporal Nym.

Exit Pistoll:

Exit Pistol:

Nym. Syr the humor of it is, he loues your wife,

Nym. So the funny thing is, he loves your wife,

I should ha borne the humor Letter to her:

I should have taken the funny letter to her:

I speake and I auouch tis true: My name is Nym.

I speak and I assure you it's true: My name is Nym.

Farwell, I loue not the humor of bread and cheese:

Farwell, I do not love the idea of bread and cheese:

55 And theres the humor of it.

55 And there’s the humor in it.

Exit Nym.

Pa. The humor of it, quoth you:

You think it's funny:

Heres a fellow frites humor out of his wits.

Here’s a guy who’s lost his mind over fries.

Mis. Pa. How now sweet hart, how dost thou?

Ms. Pa. Hey there, sweet heart, how are you?

Enter Mistresse Quickly.

Pa. How now man? how do you mistris Ford?

Pa. What's up, man? How are you, Miss Ford?

60 Mis. For. Well I thanke you good M. Page.

60 Missed opportunities. Well, thank you, good Mr. Page.

How now husband, how chaunce thou art so melancholy?

How now, husband, why are you so melancholy??

Ford. Melancholy, I am not melancholy.

Ford. Sad, I am not sad.

Goe get you in, goe.

Go get inside, go.

Mis. For. God saue me, see who yonder is:

Mis. For. God save me, look who that is over there:

65 Weele set her a worke in this businesse.

65 Weele got her working on this.

Mis Pa. O sheele serue excellent.

Mis Pa. Oh she’ll serve excellently.

Now you come to see my daughter An I am sure.

Now you’re here to see my daughter An, I’m sure.

Quic. I forsooth that is my comming.

I'm really on my way.

Mis. Pa. Come go in with me. Come Mis. Ford.

Ms. Page Come in with me. Come on, Mrs. Ford.

70 Mis. For. I follow you Mistresse Page.

I follow you, Mistress Page.

Exit Mistresse Ford, Mis. Page, and Quickly.

Exit Mistress Ford, Ms. Page, and Quickly.

For. M. Page did you heare what these fellows said?

For. M. Page did you hear what these guys said?

Pa. Yes M. Ford, what of that sir?

Pa. Yeah M. Ford, what's up with that?

For. Do you thinke it is true that they told vs?

For. Do you think it's true what they told us?

Pa. No by my troth do I not,

No, I really don't.

V. 75 I rather take them to be paltry lying knaues,

V. 75 I think they're just worthless, lying thieves,

Such as rather speakes of enuie,

Such as rather speaks of envy,

Then of any certaine they haue

Then of any certain they have

Of any thing. And for the knight, perhaps

Of anything. And for the knight, maybe

He hath spoke merrily, as the fashion of fat men

He has spoken cheerfully, like the style of overweight men.

80 Are: But should he loue my wife,

80 Are: But should he love my wife,

Ifaith Ide turne her loose to him:

If Faith ID let her go to him:

And what he got more of her,

And what he got more from her,

Then ill lookes, and shrowd words,

Then ill looks, and hidden words,

Why let me beare the penaltie of it.

Why should I have to bear the consequences of it?

85 For. Nay I do not mistrust my wife,

85 For. No, I don’t distrust my wife,

Yet Ide be loth to turne them together,

Yet I'd be reluctant to bring them together,

A man may be too confident.

A guy might be overconfident.

266

Enter Host and Shallow.

Pa. Here comes my ramping host of the garter,

Pa. Here comes my lively group of friends in fancy dress,

Ther’s either licker in his hed, or mony in his purse,

Ther’s either liquor in his head, or money in his purse,

90 That he lookes so merily. Now mine Host?

90 Look how cheerful he is. What's going on, Host?

Host. God blesse you my bully rookes, God blesse you.

Host. God bless you, my brave friends, God bless you.

Caualera Iustice I say.

Casual Justice, I say.

Shal. At hand mine host, at hand. M. Ford. god den to you

Shall. Here, my host, here. M. Ford. Good evening to you

God den and twentie good M. Page.

God den and twenty good M. Page.

95 I tell you sir we haue sport in hand.

95 I tell you, sir, we have some fun planned.

Host. Tell him cauelira Iustice: tell him bully rooke.

Host. Tell him to show some justice: tell him he's a real jerk.

Ford. Mine Host a the garter:

Mine Host at the Garter:

Host. What ses my bully rooke?

What should I do about my bully?

Ford. A word with you sir.

Ford. Can I talk to you, sir?

Ford and the Host talkes.

Ford and the Host talk.

V. 100 Shal. Harke you sir, Ile tell you what the sport shall be

V. 100 Shall. Hey there, sir, I'll tell you what the fun will be.

Doctor Cayus and sir Hu are to fight,

Doctor Cayus and Sir Hu are set to fight,

My merrie Host hath had the measuring

My cheerful host has taken the measurements

Of their weapons, and hath

Of their weapons, and has

Appointed them contrary places. Harke in your eare:

Appointed them to opposite positions. Listen closely:

105 Host: Hast thou no shute against my knight, My guest, my cauellira.

105 Host: Don't you have a shield against my knight, My guest, my cavalier?

For. None I protest: But tell him my name

For. None, I insist: But let him know my name.

Is Rrooke, onlie for a Iest.

Is __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__, just for testing.

Host: Thy hand bully: thou shalt

Your hand, bully: you shall

110 Haue egres and regres, and thy Name shall be Brooke:

110 Have exits and entrances, and your name will be Brooke:

Sed I well bully Hector?

Should I really confront Hector?

Shal. I tell you what M. Page, I beleeue

Shall. I’ll tell you what, M. Page, I believe

The Doctor is no Iester, heele laie it on:

The Doctor is no joker; he'll lay it on thick.

For tho we be Iustices and Doctors,

For though we are Justices and Doctors,

115 And Church men, yet we are

115 And we are still Church men,

The sonnes of women M. Page:

The sons of women M. Page:

Pa: True maister Shallow:

True master Shallow:

Shal: It will be found so maister Page:

Shal: You'll see, master Page:

Pa. Maister Shallow, you your selfe

Pa. Master Shallow, you yourself

120 Haue bene a great fighter,

Have been a great fighter,

Though now a man of peace:

Shal: M. Page, I haue seene the day that yong

Shall: M. Page, I have seen the day that young

Tall fellowes with their stroke and their passado,

Tall guys with their strike and their pass.

I haue made them trudge Maister Page,

I have made them walk, Master Page,

V. 125 A tis the hart, the hart doth all: I

V. 125 And it's the heart, the heart does everything: I

Haue seene the day, with my two hand sword

Ha ve seen the day, with my two-handed sword

I would a made you foure tall Fencers

I would have made you four skilled fencers.

Scipped like Rattes.

Skipped like rats.

Host. Here boyes, shall we wag, shall we wag?

Host. Hey guys, should we have fun, should we have fun?

267

Shal. Ha with you mine host.

Hey, how's it going, host?

Exit Host and Shallow.

Pa. Come M. Ford, shall we to dinner?

Pa. Hey M. Ford, shall we go to dinner?

I know these fellowes sticks in your minde.

I know these guys stick in your mind.

For. No in good sadnesse, not in mine:

For. No, in all honesty, not in my case:

Yet for all this Ile try it further,

Yet for all this, I will try it again,

135 I will not leaue it so:

135 I'm not going to leave it like that:

Come M. Page, shall we to dinner?

Come, M. Page, shall we go to dinner?

Page. With all my hart sir, Ile follow you.

Page. With all my heart, sir, I will follow you.

Exit omnes.

Everyone leave.

Sc. vi. Enter Syr Iohn, and Pistoll.

Fal. Ile not lend thee a peny.

I won't lend you a dime.

Pis. I will retort the sum in equipage.

Pis. I will respond with the total in gear.

Fal. Not a pennie: I haue beene content you shuld lay my countenance to pawne: I haue grated vpon my good friends for 3 repriues, 5 for you and your Coach-follow Nym, else you might a looked thorow a grate like a geminy of babones. I am damned in hell for swearing to Gentlemen your good souldiers and tall fellowes: and when mistrisse Briget lost the handle of her Fan, I tooked on my ho- thou hadst it not.

Fal. Not a penny: I have been fine with you putting my face on the line: I have relied on my good friends for 3 delays, 5 for you and your Coach buddy Nym, otherwise you would’ve looked through a grate like a pair of monkeys. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen your good soldiers and tall guys: and when mistrisse Briget lost the handle of her fan, I thought to myself ho- you didn’t have it.

10 Pis. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteene pence?

10 Pis. Didn’t you share? Didn’t you have fifteen pence?

Fal. Reason you rogue, reason.

Fal. Think it through, you rogue.

Doest thou thinke Ile indanger my soule gratis?

Do you think I would endanger my soul for nothing?

In briefe, hang no more about mee, I am no gybit for you. A short knife and a throng to your manner of pickt hatch, goe. Youle not 15 beare a Letter for me you rogue you: you stand vpon your honor. Why thou vnconfinable basenesse thou, tis as much as I can do to keepe the termes of my honor precise. I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of God on the left hand, am faine to shuffel, to filch and to lurch. And yet you stand vpon your honor, you rogue. You, 20 you.

In short, don’t hang around me anymore, I’m not someone you can take advantage of. A short knife and a crowd that fits your shady style, go ahead. You won’t carry a letter for me, you scoundrel: you act like you have standards. Why your endless lows—it's hard enough for me to keep my own standards intact. I, myself, sometimes, forgetting about God, have to cheat, steal, and sneak around. And yet you act like you have standards, you scoundrel. You, you.

Pis. I do recant: what woulst thou more of man?

Pis. I take it back: what else do you want from a man?

Fal. Well, gotoo, away, no more.

Well, go away, no more.

Enter Mistresse Quickly.

Quic. Good you god den sir.

Good evening, sir.

Fal. Good den faire wife.

Hello, fair lady.

VI. 25 Quic. Not so ant like your worship.

VI. 25 Quick. Not at all like you, your worship.

Fal. Faire mayd then.

Fal. Fair maiden then.

Quic. That I am Ile be sworne, as my mother was

Quick. I swear I'm the same as my mother was.

The first houre I was borne.

The first hour I was born.

Sir I would speake with you in priuate.

Sir, I would like to speak with you in private.

30 Fal. Say on I prethy, heeres none but my owne houshold.

30 Fal. Go ahead, please. It's just my own household here.

268

Quic. Are they so? Now God blesse them, and make them his seruants.

Quick. Are they really? Now God bless them and make them His servants.

Syr I come from Mistresse Foord.

Sir, I come from Mistress Foord.

Fal. So from Mistresse Foord. Goe on.

Fal. So from Mistress Foord. Go on.

35 Quic. I sir, she hath sent me to you to let you

35 Quick. I, sir, she has sent me to you to let you

Vnderstand she hath receiued your Letter,

Understand she has received your letter,

And let me tell you, she is one stands vpon her credit.

And let me let me tell you, she is one stands vpon her credit.

Fal. Well, come Misteris Ford, Misteris Ford.

Well, come Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford.

Quic. I sir, and as they say, she is not the first

Quick. Yeah, I'm serious, and like they say, she’s not the first.

40 Hath bene led in a fooles paradice.

40 Has been led into a fool's paradise.

Fal. Nay prethy be briefe my good she Mercury.

Fal. No, please be brief, my good she Mercury.

Quic. Mary sir, sheed haue you meet her betweene eight and nine.

Quick. Mary, sir, she should have met you between eight and nine.

Fal. So betweene eight and nine:

So between eight and nine:

45 Qu. I forsooth, for then her husband goes a birding,

45 Qu. I mean, then her husband goes out birdwatching,

Fal. Well commend me to thy mistris, tel her

Fal. Well, please say hi to your mistress for me, tell her

I will not faile her: Boy giue her my purse.

I won’t let her down: Hey, give her my wallet.

Quic. Nay sir I haue another arant to do to you

Quick. No, sir, I have another task to do for you.

From misteris Page:

VI. 50 Fal. From misteris Page? I prethy what of her?

VI. 50 Fal. From Mistress Page? I’m curious, what about her?

Qu. By my troth I think you work by Inchantments,

Qu. Honestly, I think you work through magic,

Els they could neuer loue you as they doo:

Els they could never love you like they do:

Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my

Fal. Not I, I promise you; ignoring the pull of my

Good parts aside, I vse no other inchantments:

Good things aside, I use no other enchantments:

55 Quic. Well sir, she loues you extreemly:

55 Quick. Well, sir, she loves you a lot:

And let me tell you, shees one that feares God,

And let me tell you, she's someone who fears God,

And her husband giues her leaue to do all:

And her husband allows her to do everything:

For he is not halfe so iealousie as M. Ford is.

For he is not half as iealousie as Mr. Ford is.

Fal. But harke thee, hath misteris Page and mistris Ford,

But hey, do Mr. Page and Mrs. Ford have,

60 Acquainted each other how dearly they loue me?

60 Did they tell each other how much they love me?

Quic. O God no sir: there were a iest indeed.

Quick. Oh no, sir: that was a joke, for sure.

Fal. Well farwel, commend me to misteris Ford,

Fal. Well, goodbye, please say hi to Mrs. Ford,

I will not faile her say.

I won’t let her down, I promise.

Quic. God be with your worship.

Quic. God be with you.

Exit Mistresse Quickly.

Leave Mistress Fast.

Enter Bardolfe.

65 Bar. Sir, heer’s a Gentleman,

Sir, here’s a gentleman,

One M. Brooke, would speak with you,

One M. Brooke wants to talk to you,

He hath sent you a cup of sacke.

He has sent you a glass of sherry.

Fal. M. Brooke, hees welcome: bid him come vp,

Fal. M. Brooke, he's welcome: tell him to come up,

Such Brookes are alwaies welcome to me:

Such Brookes are always welcome to me:

70 A Iack, will thy old bodie yet hold out?

70 Hey, will your old body still hold up?

Wilt thou after the expence of so much mony

Wilt you after spending so much money

269

Be now a gainer? Good bodie I thanke thee,

Be a winner now? Good bodie I thank you,

And Ile make more of thee then I ha done:

And I will make more of you than I have done:

Ha, ha, misteris Ford, and misteris Page, haue

Ha, ha, mister Ford, and mister Page, have

VI. 75 I caught you a the hip? go too.

I caught you __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ hip? me too.

Enter Foord disguised like Brooke.

For. God saue you sir.

For. God save you, sir.

Fal. And you too, would you speak with me?

Fal. And you too, would you talk to me?

For. Mary would I sir, I am somewhat bolde to trouble you,

For. Mary would I sir, I am a bit bold to bother you,

My name is Brooke.

My name is Brooke.

80 Fal. Good M. Brooke your verie welcome.

Good morning, Brooke. You're very welcome.

For. Ifaith sir I am a gentleman and a traueller,

For. I'm telling you, sir, I'm a gentleman and a traveler,

That haue seen somewhat. And I haue often heard

That have seen a bit. And I have often heard

That if mony goes before, all waies lie open.

That if money comes first, all paths are clear.

Fal. Mony is a good souldier sir, and will on.

Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will fight on.

85 For. Ifaith sir, and I haue a bag here,

85 For. I truly, sir, and I have a bag here,

Would you wood helpe me to beare it.

Would you help me carry it?

Fal. O Lord, would I could tell how to deserue

Fal. Oh Lord, I wish I knew how to earn it

To be your porter.

To be your baggage handler.

For. That may you easily sir Iohn: I haue an earnest

For. That may you easily sir John: I have an earnest

90 Sute to you. But good sir Iohn when I haue

90 Sute to you. But good sir Iohn when I have

Told you my griefe, cast one eie of your owne

Told you my grief, cast one eye of your own

Estate, since your selfe knew what tis to be

Estate, since you yourself knew what it is to be

Such an offender.

Such a criminal.

Fal. Verie well sir, proceed.

Fal. Very well, sir, go ahead.

95 For. Sir I am deeply in loue with one Fords wife

95 For. Sir, I am deeply in love with one Ford's wife.

Of this Towne. Now sir Iohn you are a gentleman

Of this Town. Now sir John, you are a gentleman.

Of good discoursing, well beloued among Ladies,

Of good conversation, well-liked by ladies,

A man of such parts that might win 20. such as she.

A man with qualities that could win over someone like her.

Fal. O good sir.

Hey there.

VI. 100 For. Nay beleeue it sir Iohn, for tis time. Now my loue

VI. 100 For. No, believe me, sir John, it's time. Now, my love

Is so grounded vpon her, that without her loue

Is so grounded upon her, that without her love

I shall hardly liue.

I can hardly live.

Fal. Haue you importuned her by any means?

Fal. Have you pressed her by any means?

Ford. No neuer sir.

No, not at all, sir.

105 Fal. Of what qualitie is your loue then?

105 Fal. What kind of love do you have then?

Ford. Ifaith sir, like a faire house set vpon

Ford. Faith, sir, like a beautiful house set upon

Another mans foundation.

Another man’s foundation.

Fal. And to what end haue you vnfolded this to me?

Fal. And what’s the point of you telling me this?

For. O sir, when I haue told you that, I told you all:

For. Oh sir, when I’ve told you that, I’ve told you everything:

110 For she sir stands so pure in the firme state

110 For she, sir, stands so pure in her firm state

Of her honestie, that she is too bright to be looked

Of her honesty, she is too radiant to be gazed upon.

Against: Now could I come against her

Against: Now could I confront her

With some detection, I should sooner perswade her

With a little effort, I should be able to convince her.

270

From her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice

From her marriage vow, and a hundred other sweet

115 Tearmes that sheele stand vpon.

Terms that she will stand on.

Fal. Why would it apply well to the veruensie of your affection,

Fal. Why would it fit so well with the truth of your feelings,

That another should possesse what you would enjoy?

That someone else should have what you want to enjoy?

Meethinks you prescribe verie preposterously

I think you prescribe very wrongly.

To your selfe.

To yourself.

120 For. No sir, for by that meanes should I be certaine of that which I now misdoubt.

120 For. No sir, because that would make me sure of something I'm currently unsure about.

Fal. Wel M. Brooke, Ile first make bold with your mony,

Fal. Well, Mr. Brooke, I’ll first take some of your money,

Next, giue me your hand. Lastly, you shall

Next, give me your hand. Finally, you shall

And you will, enioy Fords wife.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ you will enjoy Ford's wife.

VI. 125 Foord. O good sir.

O good sir.

Fal. M. Brooke, I say you shall.

M. Brooke, I'm saying you will.

For. Want no mony syr Iohn, you shall want none.

For. You don’t want any money, sir Iohn, you won't be short on it.

Fal. Want no misteris Ford M. Brooke,

Want no mysteries Ford M. Brooke,

You shall want none. Euen as you came to me,

You will lack nothing. Just as you came to me,

130 Her spokes mate, her go between parted from me:

130 Her spokesperson, her intermediary, left me:

I may tell you M. Brooke, I am to meet her

I can tell you M. Brooke, I’m going to meet her.

Betweene 8 and 9, for at that time the Iealous

Cuckally knaue her husband wil be from home,

Cuckally knew her husband would be home.

Come to me soone at night, you shall know how

Come to me soon at night, you'll find out how.

135 I speed M. Brooke.

I speed M. Brooke.

Ford. Sir do you know Ford?

Ford. Sir, do you know Ford?

Fal. Hang him poore cuckally knaue, I know him not,

Fal. Hang him, poor pathetic fool, I don't know him.

And yet I wrong him to call him poore. For they

And yet I do him a disservice by calling him poor. For they

Say the cuckally knaue hath legions of angels,

Say the cunning knave has legions of angels,

140 For the which his wife seemes to me well fauored,

140 Because his wife seems pretty to me,

And Ile vse her as the key of the cuckally knaues

And I'll use her like the key to the foolish tricksters.

Coffer, and there’s my randeuowes.

Coffer, and there are my randewows.

Foord. Meethinkes sir it were good that you knew

Fjord. I think it would be good for you to know

Ford, that you might shun him.

Ford, so you might avoid him.

145 Fal. Hang him cuckally knaue, Ile stare him

145 Fal. Hang him, you foolish knave, I'll confront him.

Out of his wits, Ile keepe him in awe

Out of his mind, I'll keep him on edge.

With this my cudgell: It shall hang like a meator

With this my club: It shall hang like a meteor

Ore the wittolly knaues head, M. Brooke thou shalt

Ore the wittolly knave's head, M. Brooke thou shalt

See I will predominate ore the peasant,

See, I will dominate over the peasant,

VI. 150 And thou shalt lie with his wife. M. Brooke

VI. 150 And you shall sleep with his wife. M. Brooke

Thou shalt know him for knaue and cuckold,

You will know him as a jerk and a fool.

Come to me soone at night.

Come to me soon at night.

Exit Falstaffe.

Exit Falstaff.

Ford. What a damned epicurian is this?

Ford. What a total hedonist this is?

My wife hath sent for him, the plot is laid:

My wife has called for him, the plan is set:

155 Page is an Asse, a foole. A secure Asse,

155 Page is a fool, a really clueless one. A foolishly confident person,

Ile sooner trust an Irishman with my

I would sooner trust an Irishman with my

Aquauita bottle, Sir Hu our parson with my cheese,

Aquauita bottle, Sir Hu our pastor with my cheese,

271

A theefe to walke my ambling gelding, then my wife

A thief to walk my wandering gelding, then my wife

With her selfe: then she plots, then she ruminates,

With herself: then she plans, then she thinks,

160 And what she thinkes in her hart she may effect,

160 And what she believes in her heart, she can achieve,

Sheele breake her hart but she will effect it.

She'll break her heart, but she'll make it happen.

God be praised, God be praised for my iealousie:

God be praised, God be praised for my jealousy:

Well Ile go preuent him, the time drawes on,

Well, I'll go stop him; time is running out.

Better an houre too soone, then a minit too late,

Better an hour too soon than a minute too late.

165 Gods my life cuckold, cuckold.

Gods, my life is a mess.

Exit Ford.

Leave Ford.

Sc. vii. Enter the Doctor and his man.

Doc. Iohn Rugbie goe looke met your eies ore de stall,

Doc. John Rugbie go check out the stall with your eyes,

And spie and you can see de parson.

And spy and you can see the parson.

Rug. Sir I cannot tell whether he be there or no,

Rug. Sir, I can't say whether he is there or not,

But I see a great many comming.

But I see a lot coming.

5 Doc. Bully moy, mon rapier Iohn Rugabie, begar de

Wow, my rapier Iohn Rugabie, no joke

Hearing be not so dead as I shall make him.

Hearing won't be as dead as I'll make it.

Enter Shallow, Page, my Host, and Slender.

Pa. God saue you M. Doctor Cayus.

Pa. God save you, M. Doctor Cayus.

Shal. How do you M. Doctor?

How are you, Doctor?

Ho. God blesse thee my bully doctor, God blesse thee,

Hey. God bless you, my good doctor, God bless you,

10 Doct. Vat be all you, Van to tree come for, a?

10 Dr. What are you all coming for, then?

Host. Bully to see thee fight, to see thee foine, to see thee trauerse, to see thee here, to see thee there, to see thee passe the punto. The stock, the reuerse, the distance: the montnce is a dead my francoyes? Is a dead my Ethiopian? Ha, what ses my gallon? my 15 escuolapis? Is a dead bullies taile, is a dead?

Host. It’s great to see you fight, to see you looking fine, to see you here, to see you there, to see you go past the point. The stance, the counter, the distance: is the mount a dead end, my friend? Is it a dead end, my Ethiopian? Ha, what do you say, my guy? My pencil? Is it a dead bull's tail, is it dead?

Doct. Begar de preest be a coward Iack knaue,

Dr. Being like a cowardly Jack, you're just a knave.

He dare not shew his face.

He doesn't dare to show his face.

Host. Thou art a castallian king vrinall.

Host. You are a Castilian king, Vrinall.

Hector of Greece my boy.

Hector of Greece, my dude.

20 Sha. He hath showne himselfe the wiser man, M. Doctor:

20 Sha. He's proven to be the wiser man, M. Doctor:

Sir Hugh is a parson, and you a Phisition. You must

Sir Hugh is a pastor, and you are a physician. You must

Goe with me, M. Doctor.

Come with me, M. Doctor.

Host. Pardon bully Iustice. A word monsire mockwater.

User. Excuse me, tough Justice. A word, Mr. Mockwater.

Doct. Mockwater, vat me dat?

Mockwater, what’s that?

VII. 25 Host. That is in our English tongue, Vallor bully, vallor.

VII. 25 Host. That is in our English language, Valor buddy, valor.

Doct. Begar den I haue as mockuater as de Inglish Iack dog, knaue.

Dr. You are as much of a mocker to me as the English Jack dog, you rogue.

Host. He will claperclaw thee titely bully.

Host. He will scratch you tightly, buddy.

Doct. Claperclawe, vat be dat?

Dr. Claperclawe, what is that?

30 Host. That is, he will make thee amends.

30 Host. In other words, he will make it right with you.

Doct. Begar I do looke he shal claperclaw me den,

Dr. I bet he’ll scratch me then,

And Ile prouoke him to do it, or let him wag:

And I'll encourage him to do it, or let him be:

272

And moreouer bully, but M. Page and M. Shallow,

And furthermore, buddy, but Mr. Page and Mr. Shallow,

And eke cauellira Slender, go you all ouer the fields to Frogmore?

And also, Slender, are you all heading over to Frogmore?

35 Pa. Sir Hugh is there, is hee?

Is Sir Hugh there?

Host. He is there: go see what humor hee is in,

Host. He’s around: go check what mood he’s in,

Ile bring the Doctor about by the fields:

I’ll take the Doctor around the fields:

Will it do well?

Will it succeed?

Shal. We wil do it my host. Farewel M. Doctor.

Shall. We’ll do it, my friend. Goodbye, Doctor.

Exit all but the Host and Doctor.

Exit everyone except the Host and Doctor.

40 Doc. Begar I will kill de cowardly Iack preest,

40 Doc. Begar, I will kill the cowardly Jack priest,

He is make a foole of moy.

He is making a fool of me.

Host. Let him die, but first sheth your impatience,

Host. Let him die, but first calm your impatience,

Throw cold water on your collor, com go with me

Throw cold water on your collar, come go with me

Through the fields to Frogmore, and Ile bring thee

Through the fields to Frogmore, and I'll bring you

45 Where mistris An Page is a feasting at a farm house,

Where Mistress An Page is staying at a farmhouse,

And thou shalt wear hir cried game: sed I wel bully.

And you shall wear her cried game: said I well bully.

Doct. Begar excellent vel: and if you speake pour moy, I shall procure you de gesse of all de gentlemen mon patinces. I begar I sall.

Dr. I swear it's true: and if you speak for me, I'll get you gesse of all the gentlemen in my patinces. I swear I will.

VII. 50 Host. For the which Ile be thy aduersary

VII. 50 Host. For that reason, I will be your opponent.

To misteris An Page: sed I well?

To mysteries An Page: said I well?

Doct. I begar excellent.

I feel great.

Host. Let vs wag then.

Let vs wag then.

Doct. Alon, alon, alon.

Alone, alone, alone.

Exit omnes.

Everyone exits.

Sc. viii. Enter syr Hugh and Simple.

Sir Hu. I pray you do so much as see if you can espie

Mr. Hu. Please just take a moment to see if you can spot

Doctor Cayus comming, and giue me intelligence,

Doctor Cayus is coming, and give me an update,

Or bring me vrde if you please now.

Or bring me some green, if you please, now.

Sim. I will sir.

Sure thing, sir.

5 Sir Hu. Ieshu ples mee, how my hart trobes, and trobes,

5 Sir Hu. Jesus, please help me, how my heart troubles, and troubles,

And then she made him bedes of Roses,

And then she made him beds of roses,

And a thousand fragrant poses,

And a thousand fragrant scents,

To shallow riueres. Now so kad vdge me, my hart

To shallow rivers. Now so cruelly judge me, my heart

Swelles more and more. Mee thinks I can cry

Swelling more and more. I think I might cry.

10 Verie well. There dwelt a man in Babylon,

10 Very well. There lived a man in Babylon,

To shallow riuers and to falles,

To shallow rivers and to falls,

Melodious birds sing Madrigalles.

Singing birds perform Madrigalles.

Sim. Sir here is M. Page, and M. Shallow,

Sim. Sir, here are Mr. Page and Mr. Shallow,

Comming hither as fast as they can.

Coming here as quickly as they can.

15 Sir Hu. Then it is verie necessary I put vp my sword,

15 Sir Hu. Then it's really necessary I put up my sword,

Pray give me my cowne too, marke you.

Pray give me my gown too, you see.

Enter Page, shallow, and Slender.

Pa. God saue you sir Hugh.

God save you, Sir Hugh.

273

Shal. God saue you M. parson.

God save you, Mr. Parson.

Sir Hu. God plesse you all from his mercies sake now.

Mr. Hu. God bless you all for his mercy now.

20 Pa. What the word and the sword, doth that agree well?

20 Pa. Do the word and the sword go well together?

Sir Hu. There is reasons and causes in all things,

Sir Hu. Everything happens for a reason.

I warrant you now.

I promise you now.

Pa. Well sir Hugh, we are come to crane

PA. Well sir Hugh, we have come to crane

Your helpe and furtherance in a matter.

Your help and support in this matter.

VIII. 25 Sir Hu. What is I pray you?

What is it, I ask?

Pa. Ifaith tis this sir Hugh. There is an auncient friend of ours, a man of verie good sort, so at oddes with one patience, that I am sure you would hartily grieue to see him. Now sir Hugh, you are a scholler well red, and verie perswasiue, we would intreate you to see 30 if you could intreat him to patience.

Pa. I honestly believe it’s this, sir Hugh. There’s an old friend of ours, a really decent guy, who’s at such odds with one patience that I know it would deeply sadden you to witness it. Now, sir Hugh, you’re a well-read scholar and very persuasive, so we would like to ask you to see 30 if you could convince him to be patient.

Sir Hu. I pray you who is it? Let vs know that.

Mr. Hu. Who are you? Please let us know.

Pa. I am shure you know him, tis Doctor Cayus.

Pa. I’m sure you know him, it’s Doctor Cayus.

Sir Hu. I had as leeue you should tel me of a messe of poredge,

Sir Hugh. I would prefer you tell me about a bunch of nonsense,

35 He is an arant lowsie beggerly knaue:

35 He is a complete worthless beggar.

And he is a coward beside.

And he is a coward too.

Pa. Why Ile laie my life tis the man

Pa. Why do I live for this man?

That he should fight withall.

That he should fight with all.

Enter Doctor and the Host, they offer to fight.

Shal. Keep them asunder, take away their weapons.

Shall. Keep them apart, take away their weapons.

40 Host. Disarme, let them question.

Disarm, let them ask questions.

Shal. Let them keepe their limbs hole, and hack our English.

Shall. Let them keep their limbs intact and take a swing at our English.

Doct. Harke van vrd in your eare. You be vn daga

Doct. Listen up. You're not well.

And de Iack, coward preest.

And the coward priest.

45 Sir Hu. Harke you, let vs not be laughing stockes to other mens humors. By Ieshu I will knock your vrinalls about your knaues cock-comes, for missing your meetings and appointments.

45 Sir Hugh. Listen up, let's not be the laughingstock of other people's jokes. By Jesus, I will knock your heads around for missing your meetings and appointments.

Doct. O Ieshu mine host of de garter, Iohn Rogoby,

Doc. O Jesus, my host at the Garter, John Rogoby,

Haue I not met him at de place he make apoint,

Have I not met him at the place he made an appointment?

Haue I not?

Haven't I?

VIII. 50 Sir Hu. So kad vdge me, this is the pointment place,

VIII. 50 Sir Hu. So you’ve brought me here, this is the meeting spot,

Witnes by my Host of the garter.

Host. Peace I say gawle and gawlia, French and Wealch,

Host. Peace, I say to you all, in both French and Welsh,

Soule curer and bodie curer.

Soul healer and body healer.

Doc. This be verie braue, excellent.

This is very brave, excellent.

55 Host. Peace I say, heare mine host of the garter,

55 Host. Peace, I say, hear me, host of the Garter,

Am I wise? am I polliticke? am I Matchauil?

Am I wise? Am I political? Am I Machiavellian?

Shal I lose my doctor? No, he giues me the motions

Shal I lose my doctor? No, he gives me the motions

And the potions. Shal I lose my parson, my sir Hu?

And the potions. Should I lose my pastor, my sir Hu?

No, he giues me the prouerbes, and the nouerbes:

No, he gives me the proverbs and the new ones:

60 Giue me thy hand terestiall, So giue me thy hand celestiall:

60 Give me your earthly hand, so give me your heavenly hand:

274

So boyes of art I haue deceiued you both,

So, boys of art, I have deceived both of you,

I haue directed you to wrong places,

I have directed you to the wrong places,

Your hearts are mightie, you skins are whole,

Your hearts are strong, your skins are intact,

65 Bardolfe laie their swords to pawne. Follow me lads

65 Bardolfe laid their swords to pawn. Follow me, guys.

Of peace, follow me. Ha, ra, la. Follow.

Exit Host.

Log out.

Shal. Afore God a mad host, come let vs goe.

Shall. Before God, it's a crazy crowd; let's get out of here.

Doc. I begar haue you mocka may thus?

Doc. Can I ask if you're joking with me like this?

I will be euen met you my Iack Host.

I will be even meet you my Jack Host.

70 Sir Hugh. Giue me your hand doctor Cayus,

70 Sir Hugh. Give me your hand, Doctor Cayus,

We be all friends:

We're all friends.

But for mine hosts foolish knauery, let me alone.

But don't worry about my host's foolishness, I've got this covered.

Doc. I dat be veil begar I be friends.

I’ll be friends.

(Exit omnes.

Everyone leaves.

Sc. ix. Enter M. Foord.

For. The time drawes on he shuld come to my house,

For. The time is approaching when he should come to my house,

Well wife, you had best worke closely,

Well, wife, you better work closely,

Or I am like to goe beyond your cunning:

Or I am likely to go beyond your cleverness:

I now wil seeke my guesse that comes to dinner,

I will now look for my guest who's coming to dinner,

5 And in good time see where they all are come.

5 And soon you'll see where they all have arrived.

Enter Shallow, Page, host, Slender, Doctor, and sir Hugh.

By my faith a knot well met: your welcome all.

By my faith, it's great to see you all here.

Pa. I thanke you good M. Ford.

Pa. Thank you, good Mr. Ford.

For. Welcome good M. Page,

For. Welcome, Mr. Page,

I would your daughter were here.

I wish your daughter were here.

10 Pa. I thank you sir, she is very well at home.

10 Pa. Thank you, sir. She’s doing really well at home.

Slen. Father Page I hope I haue your consent

Father Page, I hope I have your consent.

For Misteris Anne?

Pa. You haue sonne Slender, but my wife here,

Pa. You have a son, Slender, but my wife here,

Is altogether for maister Doctor.

Is all for Master Doctor.

15 Doc. Begar I tanck her hartily.

I thank her sincerely.

Host. But what say you to yong Maister Fenton?

Host. But what do you think about young Master Fenton?

He capers, he daunces, he writes verses, he smelles

He dances, he hops around, he writes poems, he smells.

All April and May: he wil cary it, he wil carit,

All April and May: he will carry it, he will carry it,

Tis in his betmes he wil carite.

Tis in his bedtime he will care.

20 Pa. My host not with my consent: the gentleman is

20 Pa. My host is not here with my permission: the gentleman is

Wilde, he knowes too much: If he take her,

Wilde, he knows too much: If he takes her,

Let him take her simply: for my goods goes

Let him take her easily: for my things go

With my liking, and my liking goes not that way.

With my preference, and my preference doesn't go that way.

For. Well, I pray go home with me to dinner:

For. Well, I hope you'll come home with me for dinner:

IX. 25 Besides your cheare Ile shew you wonders: Ile

IX. 25 Besides your hospitality, I'll show you wonders: I'll

Shew you a monster. You shall go with me

Show you a monster. You will come with me.

M. Page, and so shall you sir Hugh, and you Maister Doctor.

M. Page, and you too, Sir Hugh, and you, Master Doctor.

S. Hu. If there be one in the company, I shal make two:

S. H. u. If there's one in the group, I'll create two:

Doc. And dere be ven to, I sail make de tird:

Doc. And there'll be wine too, I will make the third:

275

Sir Hu, In your teeth for shame,

In your face for shame,

Shal. wel, wel, God be with you, we shall haue the fairer

Shall. Well, well, God be with you, we'll have the better one.

Wooing at Maister Pages:

Dating at Maister Pages:

Exit Shallow and Slender.

Leave Shallow and Slender.

Host. Ile to my honest knight sir Iohn Falstaffe,

Host. Welcome to my straightforward knight, Sir John Falstaff,

And drinke Canary with him.

And drink Canary wine with him.

Exit host.

35 For. I may chance to make him drinke in pipe wine,

35 For I might get him to drink pipe wine,

First come gentlemen.

Gentlemen first.

Exit omnes.

Everyone out.

Sc. x. Enter Mistresse Ford, with two of her men, and a great buck busket.

Mis. For. Sirrha, if your M. aske you whither

Mis. For. Sirrha, if your M. asks you whether

You carry this basket, say to the Launderers,

You take this basket, tell the Launderers,

I hope you know how to bestow it?

I hope you know how to give it?

Ser. I warrant you misteris.

I assure you, mister.

Exit seruant.

Exit servant.

5 Mis. For. Go get you in. Well sir Iohn,

5 Mis. For. Go on in. Well, sir John,

I beleeue I shall serue you such a trick,

I believe I'll pull off a trick for you,

You shall haue little mind to come againe.

You probably won't want to come back again.

Enter Sir Iohn.

Fal. Haue I caught my heauenlie Iewel?

Fal. Have I caught my heavenly jewel?

Why now let me die. I haue liued long inough.

Why not just let me die now? I have lived long enough.

10 This is the happie houre I haue desired to see,

10 This is the happy hour I have wanted to see,

Now shall I sin in my wish,

Now will I sin in my desire,

I would thy husband were dead.

I wish your husband were dead.

Mis. For. Why how then sir Iohn?

Mis. For. Why, how then, sir Iohn?

Fal. By the Lord, Ide make thee my Ladie.

Fal. By the Lord, I would make you my lady.

15 Mis. For. Alas sir Iohn, I should be a verie simple Ladie.

15 Mis. For. Oh dear sir John, I must seem like a really simple lady.

Fal. Goe too, I see how thy eie doth emulate the Diamond.

Fal. Come on, I can see how your eye shines like a diamond.

And how the arched bent of thy brow

And how the curve of your brow

Would become the ship tire, the tire vellet,

Or anie Venetian attire, I see it.

Or any Venetian attire, I see it.

20 Mis. For. A plaine kercher sir Iohn, would fit me better.

20 Mis. For. A simple handkerchief, sir Iohn, would suit me better.

Fal. By the Lord thou art a traitor to saie so:

Fal. I swear, you’re a traitor for saying that:

What made me loue thee? Let that perswade thee

What made me love you? Let that convince you.

Ther’s somewhat extraordinarie in thee: Goe too I loue thee:

There’s something extraordinary about you: I love you:

Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, like one

Mistress Ford, I can't lie, I can't chatter, like one

X. 25 Of these fellowes that smels like Bucklers-berie,

X. 25 Of these guys that smell like buckler berries,

In simple time, but I loue thee,

In simpler times, but I love you,

And none but thee.

And no one but you.

Mis. For. Sir Iohn, I am afraid you loue misteris Page.

Mis. For. Sir John, I'm afraid you love mysteries Page.

Fal. I thou mightest as well saie

You might as well say

30 I loue to walke by the Counter gate,

30 I love walking by the Counter gate,

Which is as hatefull to me

Which is just as hateful to me

As the reake of a lime kill.

276

Enter Mistresse Page.

Mis. Pa. Mistresse Ford, Mis. Ford, where are you?

Ms. Pennsylvania Ms. Ford, where are you?

Mis. For. O Lord step aside good sir Iohn.

Mis. For. O Lord, please step aside, good sir Iohn.

Falstaffe stands behind the aras.

Falstaff stands behind the altar.

35 How now Misteris Page, what’s the matter?

Hey Misteris Page, what's up?

Mis. Pa. Why your husband woman is comming,

Ms. Pa. Why is your husband’s woman coming?

With halfe Windsor at his heeles,

With half Windsor at his heels,

To looke for a gentleman, that he ses

To look for a gentleman, that he sees

Is hid in his house: his wifes sweet hart.

Is hidden in his house: his wife's sweetheart.

40 Mis. For. Speak louder. But I hope tis not true Misteris Page.

40 Mis. For. Speak up. But I hope that's not true, Mr. Page.

Mis. Pa. Tis too true woman. Therefore if you

Ms. Pa. It's too true, woman. So if you

Haue any here, away with him, or your vndone for euer.

Have any of you here, get rid of him, or you'll be done for good.

Mis. For. Alas mistresse Page, what shall I do?

Mis. For. Alas mistress Page, what should I do?

Here is a gentleman my friend, how shall I do?

Here is a guy, my friend; what should I do?

45 Mis. Pa. Gode body woman, do not stand what shal I do, and what shall I do. Better any shift, rather then you shamed. Looke heere, here’s a buck-basket, if hee be a man of any reasonable sise, heele in here.

45 Ms. Pa. Good body woman, don’t just stand there wondering what I should do and what I should do. Better to do anything than to let you be shamed. Look, here’s a laundry basket; if he’s a man of any decent size, he’ll fit in here.

Mis. For. Alas I feare he is too big.

Mis. For. I fear he is too big.

X. 50 Fal. Let me see, let me see, Ile in, Ile in,

X. 50 Fal. Let me see, let me see, I'll go in, I'll go in,

Follow your friends counsell.

Follow your friends' counselor.

Mis. Pa. Fie sir Iohn, is this your loue? Go too. (Aside.

Ms. Pa. Come on, sir Iohn, is this your love? Seriously. (Meanwhile.

Fal. I loue thee, and none but thee:

Fal. I love you, and no one but you:

Helpe me to conuey me hence,

55 Ile neuer come here more.

I will never come here again.

Sir Iohn goes into the basket, they put cloathes ouer him, the two men carries it away: Foord meetes it, and all the rest, Page, Doctor, Priest, Slender, Shallow.

Ford. Come pray along, you shall see all.

Ford. Come on and pray with us; you'll see everything.

How now who goes heare? whither goes this?

How now, who goes there? Where is this person headed?

Whither goes it? set it downe.

Whither goes it? Set it down.

Mis. For. Now let it go, you had best meddle with 60 buck-washing.

Mis. For. Now just let it go; you might as well deal with 60 buck-washing.

Ford. Buck, good buck, pray come along,

Ford Motor Company. Buck, good buddy, please come along,

Master Page take my keyes: helpe to search. Good

Master Page, take my keys; help me look. Good.

Sir Hugh pray come along, helpe a little, a little,

Sir Hugh, please come along, help out a bit, just a bit.

He shew you all.

He shows you everything.

65 Sir Hu. By Ieshu these are iealosies and distemperes.

65 Sir Hu. By Jesus, these are jealousies and disturbances.

Exit omnes.

Everyone exit.

Mis. Pa. He is in a pittifull taking.

Ms. Pa. He is in a really bad state.

Mis. I wonder what he thought

I wonder what he thought.

When my husband bad them set downe the basket.

When my husband had them set down the basket.

Mis. Pa. Hang him dishonest slaue, we cannot vse

Miss Pa. Hang him, dishonest slave; we can't use him.

Him bad inough. This is excellent for your

Him bad enough. This is excellent for your

277

Husbands iealousie.

Husbands' jealousy.

Mi. For. Alas poore soule it grieues me at the hart,

Mi. For. Oh, poor soul, it hurts me deeply,

But this will be a meanes to make him cease

But this will be a way to make him stop.

His iealous fits, if Falstaffes love increase.

His jealous fits, if Falstaff's love increases.

X. 75 Mis. Pa. Nay we wil send to Falstaffe once again,

X. 75 Ms. Pa. No, we will contact Falstaff again,

Tis great pittie we should leaue him:

It's a real shame we should leave him:

What wiues may be merry, and yet honest too.

What wives can be happy and still be honest too?

Mi. For. Shall we be condemnd because we laugh?

Mi. For. Are we going to be condemned just because we laugh?

Tis old, but true: still sowes eate all the draffe.

It's old, but true: still, pigs eat all the scraps.

Enter all.

80 Mis. Pa. Here comes your husband, stand aside.

80 Ms. Pa. Here comes your husband, step aside.

For. I can find no body within, it may be he lied.

For. I can't find anyone inside; maybe he was lying.

Mis. Pa. Did you heare that?

Did you hear that?

Mis. For. I, I, peace.

I, I, peace.

For. Well, Ile not let it go so, yet Ile trie further.

For. Well, I won’t just let it go like this; I’ll try harder.

85 S. Hu. By Ieshu if there be any body in the kitchin

85 S. Hu. By Jesus, if there is anyone in the kitchen

Or the cuberts, or the presse, or the buttery,

Or the cabinets, or the press, or the pantry,

I am an arrant Iew: now God plesse me:

I am a complete jerk: now God help me:

You serue me well, do you not?

You serve me well, don't you?

Pa. Fie M. Ford you are too blame:

Pa. Come on, M. Ford, you really messed up:

90 Mis. Pa. I faith tis not well M. Ford to suspect

90 Ms. Pa. Honestly, it's not right, Mr. Ford, to suspect

Her thus without cause.

Her without cause.

Doc. No by my trot it be no vell:

Doc. No, by my word, it is not well:

For. Wel, I pray bear with me, M. Page pardon me.

For. Well, I ask you to be patient with me, Mr. Page, please forgive me.

I suffer for it, I suffer for it:

I pay the price for it.

95 Sir Hu: You suffer for a bad conscience looke you now:

95 Sir Hu: You’re feeling guilty, just look at you now:

Ford: Well I pray no more, another time Ile tell you all:

Ford: Well, I won't pray anymore; another time I'll tell you everything:

The mean time go dine with me, pardon me wife,

The average time to have dinner with me, excuse me, my wife,

I am sorie; M. Page, pray goe in to dinner,

I’m sorry; Mr. Page, please go in to dinner,

Another time Ile tell you all.

Another time I’ll tell you all.

X. 100 Pa: Wel let it be so, and to morrow I inuite you all

X. 100 Pa: Well, let it be so, and tomorrow I invite you all.

To my house to dinner: and in the morning weele

To my house for dinner: and in the morning we’ll

A birding, I haue an excellent Hauke for the bush.

A birdwatching, I have a great hawk for the thicket.

Ford: Let it be so: Come M. Page, come wife;

I pray you come in all, y’are welcome, pray come in.

I invite you all to come in; you're welcome, please come in.

105 Sir Hu: By so kad vdgme, M. Fordes is

Not in his right wittes:

Not in his right mind:

Exit omnes:

Everyone leave:

Sc. xi. Enter sir Iohn Falstaffe.

Fal: Bardolfe brew me a pottle sack presently:

Fal: Bardolfe get me a bottle of sack right now:

Bar: With Egges sir?

With eggs, sir?

Fal: Simply of it selfe, Ile none of these pullets sperme

Fal: Just by itself, I won't take any of these chickens' eggs.

278

In my drink: goe make haste.

In my drink: go make haste.

5 Haue I liued to be carried in a basket

5 Have I lived to be carried in a basket

And throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll. Well, and I be serued such another tricke, Ile giue them leaue to take out my braines and butter them, and giue them to a dog for a new-yeares gift. Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they 10 had gone to drowne a blinde bitches puppies in the litter: and they might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking: and the bottom had bin as deep as hell I should downe. I had bene drowned, but that the shore was sheluie and somewhat shallowe: a death that I abhorre. For you know the water swelles a man: and what a thing 15 should I haue bene when I had bene swelled? By the Lord a mountaine of money. Now is the Sacke brewed?

And thrown into the Thames like a cart full of butcher's waste. Well, and if I get served another trick like that, I’ll let them take out my brains, spread them on toast, and give them to a dog as a New Year’s gift. Damn it, those rogues tossed me in with no more regret than if they were drowning a blind dog's puppies: and they should have known by my size I have a knack for sinking. and even if the bottom had been as deep as hell, I would have gone down. I would have drowned, but the shore was muddy and a bit shallow: a death that I detest. Because, you know, the water makes a man swell, and what a sight I would have been all puffed up! By God, a mountain of money. Is the sack brewed now?

Bar. I sir, there’s a woman below would speake with you.

Bar. I, sir, there's a woman downstairs who wants to speak with you.

Fal. Bid her come vp. Let me put some Sacke among this cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles 20 for pilles.

Fal. Tell her to come up. Let me mix some wine with this cold water because my stomach feels as cold as if I had eaten snowballs for pills. 20

Enter Mistresse Quickly.

Now whats the newes with you?

What’s new with you?

Quic. I come from misteris Ford forsooth.

I come from misteris Ford, seriously.

Fal. Misteris Ford, I haue had Ford inough,

Fal. Mister Ford, I've had enough of Ford,

I haue bene throwne into the Ford, my belly is full

I have been thrown into the river, my stomach is full.

XI. 25 Of Ford: she hath tickled mee.

XI. 25 Of Ford: she has tickled me.

Quic. O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants mistooke, that euer liued. And sir, she would desire you of all loues you will meet her once againe, to morrow sir, betweene ten and eleuen, and she hopes to make amends for all.

Quick. Oh, sir, she is the saddest woman that her servants have ever mistaken. And sir, she really hopes you’ll meet her once more tomorrow, between ten and eleven, and she wants to make things right for everything.

30 Fal. Ten, and eleuen, saiest thou?

Ten and eleven, you say?

Quic. I forsooth.

Quic. I truly do.

Fal. Well, tell her Ile meet her. Let her but think

Fal. Well, tell her I'll meet her. Let her just think

Of mans frailtie: Let her iudge what man is,

Of man's frailty: Let her judge what man is,

And then thinke of me. And so farwell.

And then think of me. So, goodbye.

35 Quic. Youle not faile sir?

You won't fail, right?

Exit mistresse Quickly.

Exit Mistress Quickly.

Fal. I will not faile. Commend me to her.

Fal. I won't fail. Please give her my regards.

I wonder I heare not of M. Brooke, I like his

I wonder if I haven't heard from M. Brooke; I like his

Mony well. By the masse here he is.

Mony well. By the mass, here he is.

Enter Brooke.

For. God saue you sir.

For. God save you, sir.

40 Fal. Welcome good M. Brooke. You come to know how matters goes.

40 Fall. Welcome, Mr. Brooke. You’ve come to find out how things are going.

Ford. Thats my comming indeed sir Iohn.

Ford Motor Company. That's my coming, indeed, Sir John.

Fal. M. Brooke I will not lye to you sir,

Fal. M. Brooke I won’t lie to you, sir,

279

I was there at my appointed time.

I was there at the scheduled time.

45 For. And how sped you sir?

And how are you, sir?

Fal. Verie ilfauouredly sir.

Very unfavorably, sir.

For. Why sir, did she change her determination?

For. Why did she change her mind, sir?

Fal. No M. Brooke, but you shall heare. After we had kissed and imbraced, and as it were euen amid the prologue of our incounter, XI. 50 who should come, but the iealous knaue her husband, and a rabble of his companions at his heeles, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper. And what to do thinke you? to search for his wiues loue. Euen so, plainly so.

Fal. No, M. Brooke, but you’ll hear me out. After we had kissed and hugged, and it felt like a setup to our encounter, XI. 50 who should show up but her jealous husband, followed by a crowd of his friends, stirred up by his anger. And what do you think he wanted to do? To look for his wife's affection. Just that, plain and simple.

For. While ye were there?

For. While you were there?

55 Fal. Whilst I was there.

While I was there.

For. And did he search and could not finde you?

For. And did he search and could not find you?

Fal. You shall heare sir, as God would haue it,

Fal. You'll hear it, sir, as God wants it,

A litle before comes me one Pages wife,

A little while before, the wife of one Page comes to me,

Giues her intelligence of her husbands

60 Approach: and by her inuention, and Fords wiues

60 Approach: and by her invention, and Ford's wives

Distraction, conueyd me into a buck-basket.

Distraction led me into a laundry basket.

Ford. A buck basket!

A dollar basket!

Fal. By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in

Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket stuffed me in

With foule shirts, stokins, greasie napkins,

With dirty shirts, stockings, greasy napkins,

65 That M. Brooke, there was a compound of the most

65 That M. Brooke, there was a mix of the most

Villanous smel, that euer offended nostrill.

Villainous smell, that ever offended nostril.

Ile tell you M. Brooke, by the Lord for your sake

I’ll tell you, Mr. Brooke, I swear it's for your benefit.

I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be

I suffered three terrible deaths: First to be

Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference

Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circumference

70 Of a pack, Hilt to point, heele to head: and then to

70 Of a pack, hilt to point, heel to head: and then to

Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish:

Be cooked in my own fat like a Dutch dish:

A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was maruell I

A man like me; by God, it was amazing I

Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this,

Escaped suffocation; and in the midst of all this,

To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot:

To be thrown into the Thames like a hot horseshoe:

XI. 75 Maister Brooke, thinke of that hissing heate, Maister Brooke.

XI. 75 Master Brooke, think about that hissing heat, Master Brooke.

Ford. Well sir then my shute is void?

Ford. So, does that mean my shoot is invalid?

Youle vndertake it no more?

Will you take it anymore?

Fal. M. Brooke, Ile be throwne into Etna

M. Brooke, I'll be thrown into Etna

As I haue bene in the Thames,

As I have been in the Thames,

80 Ere I thus leaue her: I haue receiued

Before __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ leave her: I have received

Another appointment of meeting,

Another meeting appointment,

Betweene ten and eleuen is the houre.

Between ten and eleven is the hour.

Ford: Why sir, tis almost ten alreadie:

Ford: Wow, sir, it's almost ten already:

Fal: Is it? why then will I addresse my selfe

Fall: Is it? Then why should I address myself

85 For my appointment: M. Brooke, come to me soone

85 For my appointment: M. Brooke, please come to me soon.

At night, and you shall know how I speed,

At night, and you'll see how I move quickly,

And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her loue:

And in the end, you'll enjoy her love:

280

You shall cuckold Foord: come to mee soone at at night.

You will betray Foord: come to me soon at at night.

Exit Falstaffe.

Exit Falstaff.

For. Is this a dreame? Is it a vision?

For. Is this a dream? Is it a vision?

90 Maister Ford, maister Ford, awake maister Ford,

90 Master Ford, master Ford, wake up master Ford,

There is a hole made in your best coat M. Ford,

There’s a hole in your best coat, M. Ford,

And a man shall not onely endure this wrong,

And a man should not only tolerate this wrong,

But shall stand vnder the taunt of names,

But will stand under the mockery of names,

Lucifer is a good name, Barbason good: good

Lucifer is a cool name, Barbason cool: cool

95 Diuels names: but cuckold, wittold, godeso

95 Devil's names: but cuckold, wittold, godeso

The diuel himselfe hath not such a name:

The devil himself doesn't have such a name:

And they may hang hats here, and napkins here

And they can hang their hats here and place napkins here.

Vpon my homes: well Ile home, I ferit him,

And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him.

And unless the devil himself should help him.

XI. 100 Ile search vnpossible places: Ile about it, Least

XI. 100 I'll search impossible places: I'll go around it, Least

I repent too late:

I regret too late:

Exit omnes.

Everyone leave.

Sc. xii. Enter M. Fenton, Page, and mistresse Quickly.

Fen: Tell me sweet Nan, how doest thou yet resolue,

Fren: Tell me, sweet Nan, how do you still decide,

Shall foolish Slender haue thee to his wife?

Shall foolish Slender have you as his wife?

Or one as wise as he, the learned Doctor?

Or someone as wise as he, the knowledgeable Doctor?

Shall such as they enjoy thy maiden hart?

Shall people like them enjoy your innocent heart?

5 Thou knowst that I haue alwaies loued thee deare,

5 You know that I have always loved you dearly,

And thou hast oft times swore the like to me.

And you have often sworn the same to me.

An: Good M. Fenton, you may assure your selfe

An: Good M. Fenton, you can be sure of that.

My hart is setled vpon none but you,

My heart is set on no one but you,

Tis as my father and mother please:

It's as my father and mother wish:

10 Get their consent, you quickly shall haue mine.

10 Once you have their consent, you'll quickly have mine.

Fen: Thy father thinks I loue thee for his wealth,

Fen: Your father thinks I love you for his wealth,

Tho I must needs confesse at first that drew me,

But since thy vertues wiped that trash away,

But since your virtues wiped that junk away,

I loue thee Nan, and so deare is it set,

I love you Nan, and it means so much to me,

15 That whilst I liue, I nere shall thee forget.

15 That while I live, I will never forget you.

[Quic:] Godes pitie here comes her father.

[Quic:] God's mercy, here comes her father.

Enter M. Page his wife, M. Shallow, and Slender.

Pa. M. Fenton I pray what make you here?

Pa. M. Fenton What brings you here?

You know my answere sir, shees not for you:

You know my answer, sir, she’s not for you:

Knowing my vow, to blame to vse me thus.

Knowing my promise, to accuse me of using it this way.

20 Fen. But heare me speake sir.

But hear me out, sir.

Pa. Pray sir get you gon: Come hither daughter,

Pa. Please leave, sir: Come here, daughter,

Sonne Slender let me speak with you. (they whisper.

Sonne Slender, can I talk to you? (whispering.)

Quic. Speake to misteris Page.

Quic. Talk to Mister Page.

Fen. Pray misteris Page let me haue your consent.

Fen. Please, Mister Page, let me have your permission.

281

Mis. Pa. Ifaith M. Fenton tis as my husband please.

Ms. Pa. If it pleases my husband, M. Fenton.

For my part, Ile neither hinder you, nor further you.

For my part, I will neither hold you back nor push you forward.

Quic. How say you this was my doings?

Quick. How can you say this was my doing?

I bid you speake to misteris Page.

I ask you to speak to Mr. Page.

Fen. Here nurse, theres a brace of angels to drink,

Fen. Hey nurse, here are a couple of drinks for you.

30 Worke what thou canst for me, farwell. (Exit Fen.

30 Do what you can for me, goodbye. (Exits Fen.)

Quic. By my troth so I will, good hart.

Quik. I swear I will, good heart.

Pa. Come wife, you an I will in, weele leaue M. Slender

Pa. Come on, wife, you and I will go in; we’ll leave Mr. Slender.

And my daughter to talke together. M. Shallow,

And my daughter to talk together. M. Shallow,

You may stay sir if you please.

You can stay, sir, if you'd like.

Exit Page and his wife.

35 Shal. Mary I thanke you for that:

Mary, I appreciate that:

To her cousin, to her.

Slen. Ifaith I know not what to say.

Slen. If I have no idea what to say.

An. Now M. Slender, what’s your will?

An. Now M. Slender, what do you want?

40 Slen. Godeso, theres a Iest indeed: why misteris An, I neuer made will yet: I thank God I am wise inough for that.

40 Sleek. Honestly, there is a truth to that: why misteris An, I've never truly made a will yet: I thank God I'm smart enough for that.

Shal. Fie cusse fie, thou art not right,

Shal. Come on, that's unfair,

O thou hadst a father.

Oh, you had a father.

Slen. I had a father misteris Anne, good vncle

Sleek. I had a father, Misteris Anne, good uncle

Tell the Iest how my father stole the goose out of

Tell the Iest how my dad stole the goose out of

45 The henloft. All this is nought, harke you mistresse Anne.

45 The chicken coop. This is all pointless, listen up, mistress Anne.

Shal. He will make you ioynter of three hundred pound a yeare, he shall make you a Gentlewoman.

Shall. He will make you the equivalent of three hundred pounds a year; he will elevate you to a lady.

Slend. I be God that I vill, come cut and long taile, as good as any is in Glostershire, vnder the degree of a Squire.

Slender. I swear to God that I will, come with a short and long tail, as good as anyone in Gloucestershire, under the rank of a Squire.

XII. 50 An. O God how many grosse faults are hid

XII. 50 An. Oh God, how many serious mistakes are hidden

And couered in three hundred pound a yeare?

And covered for three hundred pounds a year?

Well M. Slender, within a day or two Ile tell you more.

Well M. Slender, I'll tell you more in a day or two.

Slend. I thanke you good misteris Anne, vncle I shall haue her.

Slender. Thank you, good mistress Anne, once I have her, uncle.

Quic. M. Shallow, M. Page would pray you to come you, and you 55 M. Slender, and you mistris An.

Quick. Mr. Shallow, Mr. Page wants you to come, and you Mr. Slender, and you, Miss An. 55

Slend. Well Nurse, if youle speake for me,

Slender. Well Nurse, if you’ll speak for me,

Ile giue you more than Ile talke of.

I'll give you more than I'll talk about.

Exit omnes but Quickly.

Everyone else leave quickly.

Quic. Indeed I will, Ile speake what I can for you,

Quick. Of course, I will. I'll say whatever I can for you,

But specially for M. Fenton:

But especially for M. Fenton:

60 But specially of all for my Maister.

But especially for my boss.

And indeed I will do what I can for them all three.

And I will definitely do what I can for all three of them.

Exit.

Log out.

Enter misteris Ford and her two men.

Mis. For. Do you heare? when your M. comes take vp this basket as you did before, and if your M. bid you set it downe, obey him.

Mis. For. Do you hear? When your master comes, pick up this basket like you did before, and if your master tells you to put it down, do what he says.

65 Ser. I will forsooth.

I definitely will.

Enter Syr Iohn.

Mis. For. Syr Iohn welcome.

Mis. For. Syr John welcome.

282

Fal. What are you sure of your husband now?

Fal. What are you certain about your husband now?

Mis. For. He is gone a birding sir Iohn, and I hope will not come home yet.

Mis. For. He's gone birdwatching, sir Iohn, and I hope he won't be back home yet.

Enter mistresse Page.

70 Gods body here is misteris Page,

God's body here is a mystery

Step behind the arras good sir Iohn.

Step behind the curtain, good sir Iohn.

He steps behind the arras.

He steps behind the curtain.

Mis. Pa. Misteris Ford, why woman your husband is in his old vaine againe, hees comming to search for your sweet heart, but I am glad he is not here.

Ms. Pa. Mr. Ford, your husband is up to his old tricks again, he's coming to look for your sweetheart, but I'm relieved he's not here.

XII. 75 Mis. For. O God misteris Page the knight is here,

XII. 75 Mis. For. Oh God, mystery, Page, the knight is here,

What shall I do?

What should I do?

Mis. Pa. Why then you’r vndone woman, vnles you make some meanes to shift him away.

Ms. Pa. Then you’re in trouble, unless you find a way to get rid of him.

Mis. For. Alas I know no meanes, unlesse 80 we put him in the basket againe.

Mis. For. Unfortunately, I don't know any other way, unless 80 we put him back in the basket again.

Fal. No Ile come no more in the basket,

Fall. I won't be coming in the basket anymore,

Ile creep vp into the chimney.

I’ll creep up into the chimney.

Mis For. There they use to discharge their Fowling peeces.

Misfor. That's where they used to shoot their shotguns.

Fal. Why then Ile goe out of doores.

Fall. So why should I go outside?

85 Mi. Pa. Then your vndone, your but a dead man.

85 Mi. Pa. Then you're finished, you're just a dead man.

Fal. For Gods sake deuise any extremitie,

Fal. For God's sake, come up with any extreme solution,

Rather then a mischiefe.

Rather than mischief.

Mis. Pa. Alas I know not what meanes to make,

Ms. Pa. Unfortunately, I don’t know what to do,

If there were any womans apparell would fit him,

If there was any women's clothing that would fit him,

90 He might put on a gowne and a mufler, And so escape.

90 He could wear a gown and a scarf, and then slip away.

Mi. For. Thats wel remembred, my maids Aunt

Mi. For. That's well remembered, my maid's aunt.

Gillian of Brainford, hath a gowne aboue.

Gillian of Brainford has a gown above.

Mis. Pa. And she is altogether as fat as he.

Mis. Pa. And she is just as overweight as he is.

95 Mis. For. I that will serue him of my word.

95 Mis. For. I will serve him as promised.

Mis. Pa. Come goe with me sir Iohn, Ile helpe to dresse you.

Ms. Pa. Come, go with me, Sir John, I'll help you get ready.

Fal. Come for God sake, any thing.

Fal. Come on, for God's sake, anything.

Exit Mis. Page and Sir Iohn.

Exit Miss Page and Sir John.

Enter M. Ford, Page, Priest, Shallow, the two men carries the basket, and Ford meets it.

For. Come along I pray, you shal know the cause,

For. Come here, please, and you'll understand the reason,

How now whither goe you? Ha whither go you?

How now, where are you going? Hey, where are you going?

XII. 100 Set downe the basket you ssaue,

XII. 100 Set down the basket you save,

You panderly rogue, set it downe.

You sneaky rogue, put it down.

Mis. For. What is the reason that you vse me thus?

Mis. For. Why do you treat me this way?

For. Come hither set downe the basket,

For. Come here and put down the basket,

283

Misteris Ford the modest woman,

Misteris Ford, the humble woman,

105 Misteris Ford the vertuous woman,

Misteris Ford the virtuous woman,

She that hath the iealous foole to her husband,

She who has the jealous fool for a husband,

I mistrust you without cause do I not?

I distrust you for no reason, don’t I?

Mis. For. I Gods my record do you. And if

Mis. For. I swear I’ll keep track of you. And if

you mistrust me in any ill sort.

you distrust me in any bad way.

110 Ford. Well sed brazen face, hold it out,

110 Ford. Well said, bold face, hold it out,

You youth in a basket, come out here,

You young people in a basket, come out here,

Pull out the cloathes, search.

Pull out the clothes, search.

Hu. Ieshu plesse me, will you pull vp your wiues cloathes.

Hu. Jesus, please, will you lift up your wife's clothes?

Pa. Fie M. Ford, you are not to go abroad if you be in these fits.

Pa. Come on, M. Ford, you can’t go out if you’re feeling like this.

115 Sir Hugh. By so kad vdge me, tis verie necessarie

115 Sir Hugh. By so you’re asking me, it’s really important

He were put in pethlem.

He was put in Bethlehem.

For. M. Page, as I am an honest man M. Page,

For. M. Page, since I'm an honest man M. Page,

There was one conueyd out of my house here yesterday out of this basket, why may he not be here now?

There was one taken out of my house here yesterday from this basket, so why isn't he here now?

120 Mi. For. Come mistris Page, bring the old woman downe.

120 Mi. For. Come Mistress Page, please bring the old woman down.

For. Old woman, what old woman?

Old woman, which old woman?

Mi. For. Why my maidens Ant, Gillian of Brainford.

Mi. For. Why my friends Ant, Gillian of Brainford.

A witch, haue I not forewarned her my house,

A witch, haven’t I already warned her about my house,

Alas we are simple we, we know not what

Alas, we are simple, and we don't know what

XII. 125 Is brought to passe vnder the colour of fortune-Telling.

XII. 125 Is done under the guise of fortune-telling.

Come downe you witch, come downe.

Come down, you witch, come down.

Enter Falstaffe disguised like an old woman, and misteris Page with him, Ford beates him, and hee runnes away.

Away you witch get you gone.

Away with you, witch. Leave now.

Sir Hu. By Ieshu I verily thinke she is a witch indeed,

Sir Hu. By Ieshu, I truly believe she is a witch indeed,

I espied vnder her mufler a great beard.

I saw a big beard under her scarf.

130 Ford. Pray come helpe me to search, pray now.

130 Ford. Please come help me look, come on now.

Pa. Come weele go for his minds sake.

Pa. Come on, let's go for his sake.

Exit omnes.

Everyone out.

Mi. For. By my troth he beat him most extreamly.

Mi. For. I swear, he really beat him up badly.

Mi. Pa. I am glad of it, what shall we proceed any further?

Mi. Pa. I'm glad to hear that. What should we do next?

Mi. For. No faith, now if you will let vs tell our husbands of it.

Mi. For. No way, if you’re going to tell our husbands about it.

135 For mine I am sure hath almost fretted himselfe to death.

135 For I am sure he has almost worried himself to death.

Mi. Pa. Content, come weele go tell them all,

Mi. Pa. Alright, let’s go tell them everything.

And as they agree, so will we proceed.

And as they agree, that’s how we’ll move forward.

Exit both.

Leave both.

Sc. xiii. Enter Host and Bardolfe.

Bar. Syr heere be three Gentlemen come from the Duke the Stanger sir, would haue your horse.

Bar. Sir, there are three gentlemen here from the Duke, the Stranger, who would like your horse.

Host. The Duke, what Duke? let me speake with the Gentlemen, do they speake English?

Host. The Duke, which Duke? Let me talk to the gentlemen; do they speak English?

5 Bar. He call them to you sir.

5 Bar. He's calling them to you, sir.

284

Host. No Bardolfe, let them alone, He sauce them:

Host. No Bardolfe, just leave them be, He’s got them covered:

They haue had my house a weeke at command,

They've had my house on hold for a week,

I haue turned away my other guesse,

I have turned away my other guess,

They shall haue my horses Bardolfe,

They'll have my horses Bardolfe,

10 They must come off, He sawce them.

10 They need to be taken off, he saw them.

Exit omnes.

Everyone exit.

Sc. 14. Enter Ford, Page, their wives, Shallow and Slender, Syr Hu.

Ford. Well wife, heere take my hand, vpon my soule I loue thee dearer then I do my life, and ioy I haue so true and constant wife, my iealousie shall neuer more offend thee.

Ford. Well, my wife, here take my hand. I swear I love you more than my own life, and I'm happy to have such a true and loyal wife. My jealousy will never bother you again.

Mi. For. Sir I am glad, and that which I haue done,

Mi. For. Sir I am glad, and that which I have done,

5 Was nothing else but mirth and modestie.

5 Was nothing but joy and humility.

Pa. I misteris Ford, Falstaffe hath all the griefe,

Pa. In the mysteries of Ford, Falstaffe has all the trouble,

And in this knauerie my wife was the chiefe.

And in this trickery, my wife was the main one.

Mi. Pa. No knauery husband, it was honest mirth.

Mi. Pa. No deceit, husband, it was genuine joy.

Hu. Indeed it was good pastimes & merriments.

Hu. It really was a great time filled with fun and laughter.

10 Mis. For. But sweete heart shall wee leaue olde Falstaffe so?

10 Misfor. But sweetie, are we really going to leave old Falstaff like that?

Mis. Pa. O by no meanes, send to him againe.

Ms. Pa. Oh no, don't send him again.

Pa. I do not thinke heele come being so much deceiued.

Pa. I don’t think he’ll come since he’s been so deceived.

For. Let me alone, Ile to him once again like Brooke, and know his mind whether heele come or not.

For. Leave me alone, I’ll go to him again like Brooke, and find out what he thinks about coming or not.

15 Pa. There must be some plot laide, or heele not come.

15 Pa. There has to be some plan laid out, or he won't come.

Mis. Pa. Let vs alone for that. Heare my deuice.

Ms. Pa. Let’s leave that aside. Listen to my plan.

Oft haue you heard since Horne the hunter dyed,

Oftentimes you've heard since Horne the hunter died,

That women to affright their litle children,

That women frighten their little children,

Ses that he walkes in shape of a great stagge.

Ses that he walks in the shape of a great stag.

20 Now for that Falstaffe hath bene so deceiued,

20 Now for that Falstaffe has been so deceived,

As that he dares not venture to the house,

As he doesn't dare to go to the house,

Weele send him word to meet vs in the field,

We’ll send him a message to meet us in the field,

Disguised like Horne, with huge horns on his head.

Disguised like Horne, with big horns on his head.

The houre shalbe iust betweene twelue and one,

The hour will be exactly between twelve and one,

XIV. 25 And at that time we will meet him both:

XIV. 25 And at that time, we will both meet him:

Then would I haue you present there at hand,

Then I would have you there with me,

With litle boyes disguised and dressed like Fayries,

With little boys disguised and dressed like fairies,

For to affright fat Falstaffe in the woods.

For scaring fat Falstaffe in the woods.

And then to make a period to the Iest,

And then to finish the joke,

30 Tell Falstaffe all, I thinke this will do best.

30 Tell Falstaff everything, I think this will be the best approach.

Pa. Tis excellent, and my daughter Anne,

Pa. It’s excellent, and my daughter Anne,

Shall like a litle Fayrie be disguised.

Shall like a little fairy be disguised.

Mis. Pa. And in that Maske Ile make the Doctor steale my daughter An, and ere my husband knowes it, to carrie her to Church, 35 and marrie her.

Ms. Pa. And in that disguise, I'll have the Doctor take my daughter An, and before my husband knows it, take her to church, 35 and marry her.

Mis. For. But who will buy the silkes to tyre the boyes?

Mis. For. But who will buy the silks to dress the boys?

Pa. That will I do, and in a robe of white

Pa. I will do that, and in a white robe

285

Ile cloath my daughter, and aduertise Slender

I will dress my daughter and let Slender know.

To know her by that signe, and steale her thence,

To recognize her by that sign and take her away from there,

40 And vnknowne to my wife, shall marrie her.

40 And without my wife's knowledge, I will marry her.

Hu. So kad vdge me the deuises is excellent.

Hu. So when you give me the devices, it’s excellent.

I will also be there, and will be like a Iackanapes,

And pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries.

And pinch him most cruelly for his lustful behavior.

Mis. Pa. Why then we are reuenged sufficiently.

Ms. Pa. So now we’ve gotten enough revenge.

45 First he was carried and throwne in the Thames,

45 First, he was carried and thrown into the Thames,

Next beaten well, I am sure youle witnes that.

Next beaten well, I am sure you'll witness that.

Mi. For. Ile lay my life this makes him nothing fat.

Mi. For. I’ll live my life; this doesn’t mean anything to him.

Pa. Well lets about this stratagem, I long

Pa. Well, let's talk about this plan; I really

To see deceit deceiued, and wrong haue wrong.

To see deceit exposed and wrong being wronged.

XIV. 50 For. Well send to Falstaffe, and if he come thither,

XIV. 50 For. Alright, let's send for Falstaffe, and if he shows up there,

Twill make vs smile and laugh one moneth togither.

It will make you smile and laugh for a whole month.

Exit omnes.

Everyone out.

Sc. 15. Enter Host and Simple.

Host. What would thou haue boore, what thick-skin?

Host. What do you want, you thick-skinned guy?

Speake, breath, discus, short, quick, briefe, snap.

Speake, breathe, discuss, short, quick, brief, snap.

Sim. Sir, I am sent from my M. to sir Iohn Falstaffe.

Yes. Sir, I’ve been sent by my M. to see sir Iohn Falstaffe.

Host. Sir Iohn, theres his Castle, his standing bed, his trundle 5 bed, his chamber is painted about with the story of the prodigall, fresh and new, goe knock, heele speak like an Antripophiginian to thee:

Host. Sir John, there’s his castle, his regular bed, his trundle bed, his room is painted with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new, go knock, he'll speak to you like an Antipodean:

Knock I say.

Knock, I say.

Sim. Sir I should speak with an old woman that went vp into 10 his chamber.

Yep. Sir, I need to talk to an older woman who went up into 10 his room.

Host. An old woman, the knight may be robbed, Ile call bully knight, bully sir Iohn. Speake from thy Lungs military: it is thine host, thy Ephesian calls.

Host. An old woman, the knight might be robbed. I’ll call you brave knight, brave sir Iohn. Speak up loudly: it’s your host, your Ephesian is calling.

Fal. Now mine host,

Fal. Now my host,

15 Host: Here is a Bohemian tarter bully, tarries the comming downe of the fat woman: Let her descend bully, let her descend, my chambers are honorable, pah priuasie, fie.

15 Host: Here’s a Bohemian thug, waiting for the big woman to come down: Let her come down, come on, my rooms are respectable, ugh, privacy, gross.

Fal. Indeed mine host there was a fat woman with me,

Fal. Actually, my host, there was a large woman with me,

But she is gone.

But she's gone.

Enter sir Iohn.

20 Sim. Pray sir, was it not the wise woman of Brainford?

20 Yep. Excuse me, sir, wasn't it the clever woman from Brainford?

Fal. Marry was it Musselshell, what would you?

Fal. Well, was it Musselshell, what would you want?

Sim. Marry sir my maister Slender sent me to her,

Yep. Honestly, my boss Slender asked me to go to her,

To know whether one Nim that hath his chaine,

To know whether a Nim that has its chain,

Cousoned him of it, or no.

Cousoned him about it, or not.

XV. 25 Fal. I talked with the woman about it.

XV. 25 Fall. I discussed it with the woman.

Sim. And I pray you sir what ses she?

Yep. And I ask you, sir, what does she say?

Fal. Marry she ses the very same man that

Fal. I swear she says the exact same man that

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Beguiled maister Slender of his chaine,

Beguiled master Slender of his chain,

Cousoned him of it.

Cousoned him about it.

30 Sim. May I be bolde to tell my maister so sir?

30 Yep. Can I be bold enough to tell my master so, sir?

Fal. I tike, who more bolde.

I take, who more bold.

Sim. I thanke you sir, I shall make my maister a glad man at these tydings, God be with you sir.

Yep. Thank you, sir. I’ll make my master a happy man with this news. Take care, sir.

Exit.

Log out.

Host. Thou art clarkly sir Iohn, thou art clarkly,

Host. You are clearly a gentleman, Sir John, you are clearly.

35 Was there a wise woman with thee?

35 Was there a wise woman with you?

Fal. Marry was there mine host, one that taught

Fal. Well, there was my host, someone who taught

Me more wit then I learned this 7. yeare,

Me more wit then I learned this 7. year,

And I paid nothing for it,

And I didn't pay anything for it,

But was paid for my learning.

But I was paid for my learning.

Enter Bardolfe.

40 Bar. O lord sir cousonage, plaine cousonage.

40 Bar. Oh lord, that's just plain deceit.

Host. Why man, where be my horses? where be the Germanes?

Host. Hey man, where are my horses? Where are the Germans?

Bar. Rid away with your horses:

Get rid of your horses.

After I came beyond Maidenhead,

After I left Maidenhead,

They flung me in a slow of myre, & away they ran.

They threw me into a swamp, and then ran away.

Enter Doctor.

45 Doc. Where be my Host de gartyre?

45 Doc. Where is my host, de gartyre?

Host. O here sir in perplexitie.

O here, sir, in confusion.

Doc. I cannot tell vad be dad,

Doc. I can't tell what it is,

But begar I will tell you van ting,

But let me tell you one thing,

Dear be a Garmaine Duke come to de Court,

XV. 50 Has cosened all the host of Branford,

Has fooled everyone in Branford,

And Redding: begar I tell you for good will,

And Redding: I swear I'm telling you for your own good,

Ha, ha, mine Host, am I euen met you?

Ha, ha, my Host, have I really met you?

Exit.

Leave.

Enter Sir Hugh.

Sir Hu. Where is mine host of the gartyr?

Sir Hu. Where's the host of the gartyr?

Now my Host, I would desire you looke you now,

Now, my Host, I would like you to pay attention.

55 To haue a care of your entertainments,

55 To take care in your gatherings,

For there is three sorts of cosen garmombles,

For there are three kinds of cousin garmombles,

Is cosen all the Host of Maidenhead and Readings,

Is chosen all the Host of Maidenhead and Reading,

Now you are an honest man, and a scuruy beggerly lowsie knaue beside:

Now you are an honest man, and a scummy, beggarly, miserable knave beside:

60 And can point wrong places,

And can point to wrong places,

I tell you for good will, grate why mine Host.

I tell you this out of good will, my friend.

Exit.

Log out.

Host. I am cosened Hugh, and coy Bardolfe,

Host. I am Cousin Hugh, and Bardolfe,

Sweet knight assist me, I am cosened.

Help me, dear knight, I am betrayed.

Exit.

Log out.

Fal. Would all the worell were cosened for me,

Fal. I wish everyone was fooled for my sake,

65 For I am cousoned and beaten too.

65 Because I've been tricked and hurt as well.

Well, I neuer prospered since I forswore

Well, I never thrived since I forswore

Myselfe at Primero: and my winde

Myself at Primero: and my vibe

287

Were but long inough to say my prayers,

Were it only long enough to say my prayers,

Ide repent, now from whence come you?

Ide repent, where are you coming from now?

Enter Mistresse Quickly.

70 Quic. From the two parties forsooth.

From the two parties, indeed.

Fal. The diuell take the one partie,

Fall. The devil take the one side,

And his dam the other,

And his mom the other,

And theyle be both bestowed.

And they will both be given.

I haue endured more for their sakes,

I have endured more for their sake,

XV. 75 Then man is able to endure.

XV. 75 Then a person can endure.

Quic. O Lord sir, they are the sorowfulst creatures

Quick. Oh Lord, sir, they are the most sorrowful creatures

That euer liued: specially mistresse Ford,

That ever lived: especially mistress Ford,

Her husband hath beaten her that she is all

Her husband has beaten her so badly that she is all

Blacke and blew poore soule.

Black and blue poor soul.

80 Fal. What tellest me of blacke and blew,

80 Fal. What are you telling me about black and blue,

I haue bene beaten all the colours in the Rainbow,

I have bene explored all the colors in the rainbow,

And in my escape like to a bene apprehended

And in my escape, I feel like I'm being caught.

For a witch of Brainford, and set in the stockes.

For a witch from Brainford, and placed in the stocks.

Quic. Well sir, she is a sorrowfull woman,

Quick. Well, sir, she is a heartbreaking woman,

85 And I hope when you heare my errant,

85 And I hope when you hear my message,

Youle be perswaded to the contrarie.

You'll be convinced otherwise.

Fal. Come goe with me into my chamber, Ile heare thee.

Fal. Come, go with me to my room, I’ll listen to you.

Exit omnes.

Everyone out.

Sc. 16. Enter Host and Fenton.

Host. Speake not to me sir, my mind is heauie,

Host. Don’t talk to me, sir, my mind is heavy,

I haue had a great losse.

I have experienced a great loss.

Fen. Yet heare me, and as I am a gentleman,

Fen. But listen to me, and as I am a gentleman,

Ile giue you a hundred pound toward your losse.

I'll give you a hundred pounds to help cover your loss.

5 Host. Well sir Ile heare you, and at least keep your counsell.

5 Host. Alright, I'll listen to you, and at least take your advice.

Fen. Then thus my host. Tis not vnknown to you,

Fen. Then my host said this: It's not unknown to you,

The feruent loue I beare to young Anne Page,

The passionate love I have for young Anne Page,

And mutally her loue againe to mee:

And her love back to me:

But her father still against her choise,

But her father was still against her choice,

10 Doth seeke to marrie her to foolish Slender,

10 Seeks to marry her to foolish Slender,

And in a robe of white this night disguised,

And in a white robe, disguised tonight,

Wherein fat Falstaffe had a mightie scare,

Where fat Falstaffe was scared,

Must Slender take her and carrie her to Catlen,

Must Slender take her and carry her to Catlen,

And there vnknowne to any, marrie her.

And there, without anyone knowing, marry her.

15 Now her mother still against that match,

15 Now her mother is still opposed to that relationship,

And firme for Doctor Cayus, in a robe of red

And firm for Doctor Cayus, in a red robe

By her deuice, the Doctor must steale her thence,

By her plan, the Doctor must take her away from there,

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And she hath giuen consent to goe with him.

And she has given her consent to go with him.

Host. Now which meanes she to deceiue, father or mother?

Host. Now which one does she mean to deceive, her father or her mother?

20 Fen. Both my good Host, to go along with me.

20 Fen. Please join me, my good Host.

Now here it rests, that you would procure a priest,

Now here it lies, that you would get a priest,

And tarry readie at the appointment place,

And wait ready at the meeting spot,

To giue our harts vnited matrimonie.

To give our hearts united in marriage.

Host. But how will you come to steale her from among them?

Host. But how will you take her away from them?

XVI. 25 Fen. That hath sweet Nan and I agreed vpon,

XVI. 25 Fen. That has sweet Nan and I agreed upon,

And by a robe of white, the which she weares,

And by a white robe that she wears,

With ribones pendant flaring bout her head,

With ribbons hanging and fluttering around her head,

I shalbe sure to know her, and conuey her thence,

I will definitely recognize her and take her away from there,

And bring her where the priest abides our comming,

And take her to where the priest is waiting for us,

30 And by thy furtherance there be married.

30 And with your support, they will get married.

Host. Well, husband your deuice, Ile to the Vicar,

Host. Well, keep your plan to yourself, I'll go to the Vicar,

Bring you the maide, you shall not lacke a Priest.

Bring you the maid, you won't be short of a priest.

Fen. So shall I euermore be bound vnto thee,

Fen. So shall I always be bound to you,

Besides Ile always be thy faithful friend.

Besides, I will always be your loyal friend.

Exit omnes.

Everyone leaves.

Sc. 17th cent. Enter sir Iohn with a Bucks head upon him.

Fal. This is the third time, well Ile venter,

Fal. This is the third time, well I will wait,

They say there is good luck in old numbers,

They say there's good luck in old numbers,

[Ioue transform’d himselfe into a Bull,]

Ioue transformed into a Bull.

And I am here a Stag, and I thinke the fattest

And I am here a Stag, and I think I’m the fattest

5 In all Windsor forrest: well I stand here

In all Windsor Forest: well I stand here

For Horne the hunter, waiting my Does comming.

For Horne the hunter, waiting for my does to come.

Enter mistris Page and mistris Ford.

Mis. Pa. Sir Iohn, where are you?

Sir John, where are you?

Fal. Art thou come my doe? What and thou too?

Fal. Are you here, my dear? What, you too?

Welcome Ladies.

Welcome, everyone.

10 Mi. For. I I sir Iohn, I see you will not faile,

10 Mi. For. I I sir Iohn, I see you won't fail,

Therefore you deserue far better then our loues,

Therefore you deserve far better than our loves,

But it grieues me for your late crosses.

But it saddens me to hear about your recent struggles.

Fal. This makes amends for all.

This makes up for everything.

Come diuide me betweene you, each a hanch,

Come divide me between you, each a piece.

15 For my horns Ile bequeath them to your husbands,

15 I'll leave my horns to your husbands,

Do I speake like Horne the hunter, ha?

Do I speak like Horne the hunter, huh?

Mis. Pa. God forgiue me, what noise is this?

Ms. Pa. God forgive me, what noise is this?

There is a noise of hornes, the two women run away.

There’s a sound of horns, and the two women run away.

Enter sir Hugh like a Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries, mistresse Quickly, like the Queene of Fayries: they sing a song about him, and afterward speake.

Quic: You Fayries that do haunt these shady groues,

Quick: You Fairies who hang out in these shady groves,

Looke round about the wood if you can espie

Look around the woods and see if you can spot

289

A mortall that doth haunt our sacred round:

A mortal that haunts our sacred circle:

If such a one you can espy, giue him his due,

If you can find someone like that, give him what he deserves,

And leaue not till you pinch him blacke and blew:

And don't stop until you pinch him black and blue:

Giue them their charge Puck ere they part away.

Give them their instructions, Puck, before they leave.

Sir Hu. Come hither Peane, goe to the countrie houses,

Mr. Hu. Come here Peane, go to the country houses,

XVII. 25 And when you finde a slut that lies a sleepe,

XVII. 25 And when you find a woman who is asleep,

And all her dishes foule, and roome vnswept,

And all her dishes dirty, and room unswept,

With youre long nailes pinch her till she crie,

With your long nails, pinch her until she cries,

And sweare to mend her sluttish huswiferie.

And swear to improve her messy housekeeping.

Fai. I warrant you I will perform your will.

Do it. I promise I'll do what you want.

30 Hu. Where is Pead? Go and see where Brokers sleep,

30 Huh. Where is Pead? Go check where the Brokers are resting,

And Foxe-eyed Seriants with their mase,

And fox-eyed sergeants with their mace,

Goe laie the proctors in the street,

Goes lie the proctors in the street,

And pinch the lowsie Seriants face:

And pinch the lousy Sergeant's face:

Spare none of these when they are a bed,

Spare none of these when they're a bed,

35 But such whose nose lookes plew and red.

35 But those whose noses look blue and red.

Quic. Away begon, his mind fulfill,

Quic. Away began, his mind fulfilled,

And looke that none of you stand still.

And make sure none of you stand still.

Some do that thing, some do this,

Some do that, some do this,

All do something, none amis.

Everyone does something, no one is a friend.

40 Hir Hu. I smell a man of middle earth.

40 Hir Hu. I can sense a guy from Middle-earth.

Fal. God blesse me from that wealch Fairie.

Fal. God save me from that wealthy Fairy.

Quic. Looke euery one about this round,

Quick. Everyone, take a look around this circle,

And if that any here be found,

And if anyone here is found,

For his presumption in this place,

For his arrogance in this situation,

45 Spare neither legge, arme, head, nor face.

45 Don’t hold back on your legs, arms, head, or face.

Sir Hu. See I haue spied one by good luck,

Sir Hu. Look, I've spotted someone by pure luck,

His bodie man, his head a buck.

His body is like a man, his head like a buck.

Fal. God send me good fortune now, and I care not.

Fal. May luck be on my side now, and I won't worry about anything else.

Quick. Go strait, and do as I commaund,

Fast. Go straight, and do as I command,

XVII. 50 And take a Taper in your hand,

XVII. 50 And hold a candle in your hand,

And set it to his fingers endes,

And placed it on the tips of his fingers,

And if you see it him offends,

And if you see that he’s offended,

And that he starteth at the flame,

And that he starts at the flame,

Then is he mortall, know his name:

Then he is mortal, know his name:

55 If with an F. it doth begin,

55 If it starts with an F.

Why then be shure he is full of sin.

Why then be sure he is full of sin.

About it then, and know the truth,

Of this same metamorphised youth.

Of this same transformed youth.

Sir Hugh. Giue me the Tapers, I will try

Sir Hugh. Give me the Tapers, I'll give it a shot.

60 And if that he loue venery.

And if he loves luxury.

They put the Tapers to his fingers, and he starts.

They placed the Tapers on his fingers, and he jumps.

Sir Hu. It is right indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquitie.

Mr. Hu. It's true, he is full of lust and wrongdoing.

290

Quic. A little distant from him stand,

Quick. A bit away from him stands,

And euery one take hand in hand,

And everyone take hand in hand,

And compasse him within a ring,

And surround him with a circle,

65 First pinch him well, and after sing.

65 First, give him a good pinch, and then sing.

Here they pinch him, and sing about him, and the Doctor comes one way and steales away a boy in red. And Slender another way he takes a boy in greene: And Fenton steales misteris Anne, being in white. And a noyse of hunting is made within; and all the Fairies runne away. Falstaffe pulles off his bucks head, and rises vp. And enters M. Page, M. Ford, and their wiues, M. Shallow, sir Hugh.

Fal. Horne the hunter quoth you: am I ghost?

Fal. Horne the hunter said: am I a ghost?

Sblood the Fairies hath made a ghost of me:

Sblood, the Fairies have turned me into a ghost.

What hunting at this time at night?

What hunting is happening at this time of night?

He lay my life the mad prince of Wales

He lay my life like the crazy prince of Wales

70 Is stealing his fathers Deare. How now who haue we here, what is all Windsor stirring? Are you there?

70 Is he stealing his father's deer? What’s going on, who do we have here? What’s got all of Windsor riled up? Are you there?

Shal. God saue you sir Iohn Falstaffe.

God save you, Sir John Falstaff.

Sir Hu. God plesse you sir Iohn, God plesse you.

Sir Hugh. God bless you, sir John, God bless you.

Pa. Why how now sir Iohn, what a pair of horns in your XVII. 75 hand?

Pa. What’s going on, John? Why do you have a pair of horns in your XVII. 75 hand?

For. Those hornes he ment to place vpon my head,

For. Those horns he meant to put on my head,

And M. Brooke and he should be the men:

And Mr. Brooke and he should be the ones:

Why how now sir Iohn, why are you thus amazed?

Why are you so surprised, sir Iohn?

We know the Fairies man that pinched you so,

We know the Fairy who pinched you so,

80 Your throwing in the Thames, your beating well,

And what’s to come sir Iohn, that can we tell.

And what’s coming, sir John, we can tell you.

Mi. Pa. Sir Iohn tis thus, your dishonest meanes

Mi. Pa. Sir John, it’s like this: your shady methods

To call our credits into question,

To challenge our credits,

Did make vs vndertake to our best,

85 To turn your leaud lust to a merry Iest.

85 To turn your bold desire into a cheerful joke.

Fal. Iest, tis well, haue I liued to these yeares

Fal. Yeah, it's good, I've lived to this age.

To be gulled now, now to be ridden?

To be fooled now, now to be taken advantage of?

Why then these were not Fairies?

Why weren't these fairies?

Mis. Pa. No sir Iohn but boyes.

No sir, Iohn, just boys.

90 Fal. By the Lord I was twice or thrise in the mind

90 Fal. By the Lord, I was thinking about it two or three times.

They were not, and yet the grosnesse

They weren't, but the density

Of the fopperie perswaded me they were.

Of the silliness convinced me they were.

Well, and the fine wits of the Court heare this,

Well, and the clever minds of the Court hear this,

Thayle so whip me with their keene Iests,

Thayle so whip me with their sharp jokes,

95 That thayle melt me out like tallow,

95 That they melt me down like candle wax,

Drop by drop out of my grease. Boyes!

Drop by drop from my grease. Boyes!

Sir Hu. I trust me boyes Sir Iohn: and I was

Mr. Hu. I trust my boys, Sir John: and I was

291

Also a Fairie that did helpe to pinch you.

Also a fairy that helped to pinch you.

Fal. I, tis well I am your May-pole,

Fal. I'm glad to be your May-pole,

XVII. 100 You haue the start of mee,

XVII. 100 You’ve caught me off guard,

Am I ridden too with a wealch goate?

Am I ridden too with a wealthy goat?

With a peece of toasted cheese?

With a piece of toasted cheese?

Sir Hu. Butter is better then cheese sir Iohn,

Sir Hugh. Butter is better than cheese, sir John,

You are all butter, butter.

You're all talk, no action.

105 For. There is a further matter yet sir Iohn,

There’s one more thing, sir John,

There’s 20. pound you borrowed of M. Brooke sir Iohn,

There’s £20 you borrowed from M. Brooke, sir Iohn,

And it must be paid to M. Ford sir Iohn.

And it must be paid to Mr. Ford, Sir Iohn.

Mi. For. Nay husband let that go to make amends,

Mi. For. No, husband, let that go to make things right,

Forgiue that sum, and so weele all be friends.

Forgive that amount, and we’ll all be friends.

110 For. Well here is my hand, all’s forgiuen at last.

110 For. Well, here’s my hand; everything is forgiven at last.

Fal. It hath cost me well,

It has cost me a lot,

I haue beene well pinched and washed.

I have been well pinched and washed.

Enter the Doctor.

Mi. Pa. Now M. Doctor, sonne I hope you are.

Mi. Pa. Now M. Doctor, son, I hope you are.

Doct. Sonne begar you be de ville voman,

Dr. You really are a city woman,

115 Begar I tinck to marry metres An, and begar

115 I think I want to marry you, An, and I beg

Tis a whorson garson Iack boy.

Tis a worthless little brat, that Jack boy.

Mis. Pa. How a boy?

How's the boy doing?

Doct. I begar a boy.

I adopted a boy.

Pa. Nay be not angry wife, Ile tell thee true,

Pa. Please don't be angry, my wife; I'll tell you the truth,

120 It was my plot to deceiue thee so:

120 I planned to trick you like this:

And by this time your daughter’s married

And by now, your daughter is married.

To M. Slender, and see where he comes.

To M. Slender, and see where he’s coming from.

Enter Slender.

Now sonne Slender,

Now sun Slender,

Where’s your bride?

Where's your partner?

XVII. 125 Slen. Bride, by Gods lyd I thinke theres neuer a man in the worell hath that crosse fortune that I haue: begod I could cry for verie anger.

XVII. 125 Sleek. Bride, I swear to God, I think there's never been a man in the world who has faced the bad luck that I have: honestly, I could cry from sheer frustration.

Page. Why whats the matter sonne Slender?

What’s wrong, son Slender?

Slen. Sonne, nay by God I am none of your son.

Sleek. Sun, no way by God I am not your son.

130 Pa. No, why so?

No, why is that?

Slen. Why so God saue me, tis a boy that I haue married.

Slen. Why, for God's sake, it's a boy that I’ve married.

Page. How, a boy? why did you mistake the word?

Page. Hey, kid! Why did you get the word wrong?

Slen. No neither, for I came to her in red as you bad me, and I cried mum, and hee cried budget, so well as euer you heard, and I 135 haue married him.

Slen. No, neither, because I went to her dressed in red like you told me, and I called out "Mom," and he shouted "Budget," just as you’ve always heard, and I 135 have married him.

292

Sir Hugh. Ieshu M. Slender, cannot you see but marrie boyes?

Sir Hugh. Ieshu M. Slender, can't you see but marry boys?

Pa. O I am vext at hart, what shal I do?

Pa. Oh, I am upset at heart, what should I do?

Enter Fenton and Anne.

Mis. Pa. Here comes the man that hath deceiued vs all:

Mis. Pa. Here comes the man that has tricked us all:

How now daughter, where haue you bin?

How's it going, daughter? Where have you been?

140 An. At Curch forsooth.

At __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ indeed.

Pa. At Church, what haue you done there?

Pa. At church, what have you done there?

Fen. Married to me, nay sir neuer storme,

Fen. Being married to me, no sir, never a storm,

Tis done sir now, and cannot be vndone.

It's done now, sir, and can't be undone.

Ford: Ifaith M. Page neuer chafe your selfe,

Ifaith M. Page don’t stress yourself,

145 She hath made her choise wheras her hart was fixt,

145 She has made her choice while her heart was set,

Then tis in vaine for you to storme or fret.

Then it's useless for you to get angry or worry.

Fal. I am glad yet that your arrow hath glanced.

Fal. I am glad that your arrow has just grazed by.

Mi. For. Come mistris Page, Ile be bold with you,

Mi. For. Come on, Page, I’ll be direct with you,

Tis pitie to part loue that is so true.

It's a shame to part from love that is so genuine.

XVII. 150 Mis. Pa. Altho that I haue missed in my intent,

XVII. 150 Ms. Pa. Even though I have fallen short of my goal,

Yet I am glad my husbands match was crossed,

Yet I am glad my husband’s match was disrupted,

Here M. Fenton, take her, and God giue thee ioy.

Here M. Fenton, take her, and may God grant you joy.

Sir Hu: Come M. Page, you must needs agree.

Sir Hu: Come M. Page, you have to agree.

Fo. I yfaith sir come, you see your wife is wel pleased:

Fo. I yfaith Sir, come on, you can see your wife is very happy:

155 Pa. I cannot tel, and yet my hart’s well eased,

155 Pa. I can't tell, but my heart feels at ease,

And yet it doth me good the Doctor missed.

And yet it does me good that the Doctor missed.

Come hither Fenton, and come hither daughter,

Come here, Fenton, and come here, daughter,

Go too you might haue stai’d for my good will,

Go on, you might have waited for my approval,

But since your choise is made of one you loue,

But since your choice is made for someone you love,

160 Here take her Fenton, & both happie proue.

160 Here take her Fenton, and both may happily prove.

Sir. Hu. I wil also dance & eate plums at your weddings.

Sir Hu. I will also dance & eat plums at your weddings.

For. All parties pleased, now let vs in to feast,

For. Everyone's happy, so let's go in and enjoy the feast,

And laugh at Slender and the Doctors ieast.

And laugh at Slender and the doctors least.

He hath got the maiden, each of you a boy

He has got the girl, and each of you a boy.

165 To waite vpon you, so God giue you ioy,

165 To wait upon you, may God give you joy,

And sir Iohn Falstaffe now shal you keep your word,

And sir Iohn Falstaffe, now you should keep your promise,

For Brooke this night shall lye with mistris Ford.

For Brooke, this night will be spent with mistress Ford.

Exit omnes.

Everyone leaves.

FINIS.

CRITICAL APPARATUS
(“Linenotes”).

Scene I.

28: strait] straight Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ strait] straight Halliwell.

85: yon] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ that] om.

Scene III.

60: were] we are.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ were] we're.

Scene IV.

24: and] if.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and if.

26: who] hoe.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ who] hoe.

31: doore] the doore.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ door] the door.

Scene V.

5: grant] grant. Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ grant] grant. Halliwell.

15: twice] but twice.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ twice] but two times.

31: kindnes] kindness Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ kindness Halliwell.

61: melancholy?] melancholy. Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ feeling down?] feeling down. Halliwell.

93: to you] t’ e.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ to you] t’ e.

108: Rrooke] Brooke.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Rrooke] Brooke.

Scene VI.

7: mistrisse] mistresse Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ mistress Halliwell.

8: ho-] honesty.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ho-] honesty.

13: A] I Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ A] I Halliwell.

37: let me] I.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ let me] I.

stands vpon] that stands on.

stands upon] that stands on.

52: they could] could they.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ they could could they.

58: iealousie] iealous.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ jealousy jealous.

72: bodie] booty.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bodie] booty.

75: a the] ath the.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ a the ath the.

124: And] If.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ *And* *If.*

Scene VII.

24: me] be.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ me] be.

45: a feasting] feasting.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ feasting

46: bully] bully. Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bully] bully. Halliwell.

48: gesse] guests.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ gifts] guests.

patinces] patients.

patients.

Scene XI.

[Sc. xi.] add and Bardolfe.

[__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] add and Bardolfe.

7, 11: and] if.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ __A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_1__ and if.

49: euen] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ even] om.

80: I thus] thus I

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I therefore I

88: at at] at.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ at at] at.

Scene XII.

[Sc. xii.] Page] Anne Page.

[__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__] Page] Anne Page.

16: [Quic:] from the Catchword.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ [Quic:] from the Catchphrase.

69: home] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ home] om.

98: Priest] Hugh.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Priest Hugh.

115: By so] So.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ By so] So.

120: Come] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Come] home.

123: A witch.] For. A witch.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ A witch.] For. A witch.

Scene XIV.

10: and Slender] Slender and.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and Slender

The number 10 refers to the last line of Scene XIII, carried over to the “Enter...” line in Scene XIV. In the original text, the two line 10’s were printed on the same page.

14: ins. he speakes aboue.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ins. he speaks above.

Scene XV.

81: bene] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ bene] om.

Scene XVII.

59: Tapers] Torches.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Candles.

79: so] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ so] 'cause.

93: and] if.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ and if.

101: ridden] written.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ ridden] written.

131: that] om. Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ that] om. Halliwell.

138: the man] he.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ the guy] he.

140: Curch] Church Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Church Halliwell.

147: that] then Halliwell.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ Halliwell.

154: I yfaith] I faith.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ I believe.

161: also] om.

__A_TAG_PLACEHOLDER_0__ also] om.

Sources

The Quarto editions of The Merry Wives of Windsor are described in the introduction to the play.

The Quarto editions of The Merry Wives of Windsor are explained in the introduction to the play.

Folios:
F₁ 1623; F₂ (no date given); F₃ 1663; F₄ 1685.

“The five plays contained in this volume occur in the first Folio in the same order, and ... were there printed for the first time.”

“The five plays in this volume are presented in the same order as they appear in the first Folio, and ... were printed there for the first time.”

Early editions:
Rowe 1709
Pope 1715

First editions:
Rowe 1709
Pope 1715

“Pope was the first to indicate the place of each new scene; as, for instance, Tempest, I. 1. ‘On a ship at sea.’ He also subdivided the scenes as given by the Folios and Rowe, making a fresh scene whenever a new character entered—an arrangement followed by Hanmer, Warburton, and Johnson. For convenience of reference to these editions, we have always recorded the commencement of Pope’s scenes.”

“Pope was the first to specify the place of each new scene; for example, in Tempest, I. 1. ‘On a ship at sea.’ He also divided the scenes as presented in the Folios and Rowe, creating a new scene whenever a new character entered—this structure was also adopted by Hanmer, Warburton, and Johnson. To make it easier to refer to these editions, we have consistently noted the start of Pope’s scenes.”

Theobald 1733
Hanmer (“Oxford edition”) 1744
Warburton 1747
Johnson 1765
Capell 1768; also Capell’s annotated copy of F₂
Steevens 1773
Malone 1790
Reed 1803

Later editions:
Singer, Knight, Cornwall, Collier, Phelps, Halliwell, Dyce, Staunton

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THE WORKS

OF

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

EDITED BY

WILLIAM GEORGE CLARK, M.A.

FELLOW AND TUTOR OF TRINITY COLLEGE, AND PUBLIC ORATOR IN THE UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE;

and JOHN GLOVER, M.A.

LIBRARIAN OF TRINITY COLLEGE, CAMBRIDGE.

VOLUME I.

Cambridge & London: MACMILLAN & CO. 1863.

THE

MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.1

Scene—Windsor, and the neighbourhood.

THE

MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR.

I. 1 Scene 1. Windsor. Before Page’s house.

Enter Justice Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans.

Enter Anne Page, with wine; Ms. Ford and Madam Page, following.

Enter Basic.

Re-enter Page.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Basic.

I. 3 Scene 3. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Robin.

I. 4 Scene 4. A room in Dr. Caius’s house.

Enter Mistress Quickly, Simpleton, and Rugby.

Re-enter Rugby.

II. 1 Scene 1. Before Page’s house.

Enter Ms. Page, with a letter.

Enter Mistress Quickly.

Enter Surface-level.

II. 2 Scene 2. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Gun.

Enter Robin.

Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised.

II. 3 Scene 3. A field near Windsor.

Enter Caius and Rugby.

Enter Host, Shallow, Slim, and Page.

III. 1 Scene 1. A field near Frogmore.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Easy.

Re-enter Simple.

III. 2 Scene 2. The street, in Windsor.

Enter Mrs. Page and Robin.

Enter Ford.

III. 3 Scene 3. A room in Ford’s house.

Enter Mrs. Ford and Ms. Page.

Enter Servants with a basket.

Enter Robin.

Re-enter Servants.

Re-enter Ford, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugh Evans.

III. 4 Scene 4. A room in Page's house.

Enter Fenton and Anne Page.

III. 5 Scene 5. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.

Re-enter Bardolph with sack.

Enter Ford.

Enter Ms. Page, Ms. Quickly, and William.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans.

IV. 2 Scene 2. A room in Ford's house.

Enter Falstaff and Ms. Ford.

Enter Ms. Page.

Re-enter Ms. Ford with two Staff.

Re-enter Ms. Ford.

IV. 3 Scene 3. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Host and Bardolph.

IV. 4 Scene 4. A room in Ford's house.

Enter Page, Ford, Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mr. Hugh Evans.

IV. 5 Scene 5. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Host and Simple.

Enter Falstaff.

Enter Sir Hugh Evans.

Enter Dr. Caius.

IV. 6 Scene 6. The same. Another room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Fenton and Host.

V. 1 Scene 1. A room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Falstaff and Mistress Quickly.

Enter Ford.

Enter Page, Shallow, and Slim.

Enter Ms. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Dr. Caius.

V. 4 Scene 4. Windsor Park.

FELLOW AND TUTOR OF TRINITY COLLEGE, AND PUBLIC ORATOR
IN THE UNIVERSITY OF CAMBRIDGE;

Cambridge & London:
MACMILLAN & CO.
1863.