This is a modern-English version of Peter Piper's Practical Principles of Plain and Perfect Pronunciation, originally written by Anonymous. It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling, and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If you click on a paragraph, you will see the original text that we modified, and you can toggle between the two versions.

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Adeline in her garden.

PETER PIPER'S
PRACTICAL PRINCIPLES

OF

PLAIN AND PERFECT
PRONUNCIATION

PHILADELPHIA:
Willard Johnson, No. 141, South Street
1836.

PREFACE.

Peter Piper, without Pretension to Precocity or Profoundness, Puts Pen to Paper to Produce these Puzzling Pages, Purposely to Please the Palates of Pretty Prattling Playfellows, Proudly Presuming that with Proper Penetration it will Probably, and Perhaps Positively, Prove a Peculiarly Pleasant and Profitable Path to Proper, Plain and Precise Pronunciation.

Peter Piper, without trying to be clever or deep, puts pen to paper to create these puzzling pages, intentionally to entertain the tastes of charming chattering friends, proudly assuming that with a bit of insight it will likely, and maybe even definitely, turn out to be a uniquely enjoyable and useful way to achieve clear, simple, and accurate pronunciation.

He Prays Parents to Purchase this Playful Performance, Partly to Pay him for his Patience and Pains; Partly to Provide for the Printers and Publishers; but Principally to Prevent the Pernicious Prevalence of Perverse Pronunciation.

He asks parents to buy this playful performance, partly to reward him for his patience and effort; partly to cover costs for the printers and publishers; but mainly to stop the harmful spread of incorrect pronunciation.

A a

Andrew Airpump ask'd his Aunt her ailment;
Did Andrew Airpump ask his Aunt her ailment?
If Andrew Airpump ask'd his Aunt her ailment,
Where was the Ailment of Andrew Airpump's Aunt?

Andrew Airpump asked his Aunt what was wrong;
Did Andrew Airpump ask his Aunt what was wrong?
If Andrew Airpump asked his Aunt what was wrong,
Where was the problem with Andrew Airpump's Aunt?

B b

Billy Button bought a butter'd Biscuit:
Did Billy Button buy a butter'd Biscuit?
If Billy Button bought a butter'd Biscuit,
Where's the butter'd Biscuit Billy Button bought?

Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit:
Did Billy Button buy a buttered biscuit?
If Billy Button bought a buttered biscuit,
Where's the buttered biscuit Billy Button bought?

C c

Captain Crackskull crack'd a Catchpoll's Cockscomb:
Did Captain Crackskull crack a Catchpoll's Cockscomb?
If Captain Crackskull crack'd a Catchpoll's Cockscomb,
Where's the Catchpoll's Cockscomb Captain Crackskull crack'd?

Captain Crackskull cracked a Catchpoll's Cockscomb:
Did Captain Crackskull crack a Catchpoll's Cockscomb?
If Captain Crackskull cracked a Catchpoll's Cockscomb,
Where's the Catchpoll's Cockscomb Captain Crackskull cracked?

D d

Davy Dolldrum dream'd he drove a Dragon:
Did Davy Dolldrum dream he drove a dragon?
If Davy Dolldrum dream'd he drove a dragon
Where's the dragon Davy Dolldrum dream'd he drove?

Davy Dolldrum dreamed he drove a dragon:
Did Davy Dolldrum dream he drove a dragon?
If Davy Dolldrum dreamed he drove a dragon
Where's the dragon Davy Dolldrum dreamed he drove?

E e

Enoch Elkrig ate an empty Eggshell:
Did Enoch Elkrig eat an empty Eggshell?
If Enoch Elkrig ate an empty Eggshell,
Where's the empty eggshell Enoch Elkrig ate?

Enoch Elkrig ate an empty eggshell:
Did Enoch Elkrig eat an empty eggshell?
If Enoch Elkrig ate an empty eggshell,
Where's the empty eggshell Enoch Elkrig ate?

F f

Francis Fribble figured on a Frenchman's Filly:
Did Francis Fribble figure on a Frenchman's Filly?
If Francis Fribble figured on a Frenchman's Filly,
Where's the Frenchman's Filly Francis Fribble figured on?

Francis Fribble thought about a Frenchman's Filly:
Did Francis Fribble think about a Frenchman's Filly?
If Francis Fribble thought about a Frenchman's Filly,
Where's the Frenchman's Filly that Francis Fribble thought about?

G g

Gaffer Gilpin got a Goose and Gander:
Did Gaffer Gilpin get a Goose and Gander?
If Gaffer Gilpin got a Goose and Gander,
Where's the Goose and Gander Gaffer Gilpin got?

H h

Humphrey Hunchback had a hundred Hedgehogs:
Did Humphrey Hunchback have a hundred Hedgehogs?
If Humphrey Hunchback had a hundred Hedgehogs,
Where's the hundred Hedgehogs Humphrey Hunchback had?

Humphrey Hunchback had a hundred Hedgehogs:
Did Humphrey Hunchback have a hundred Hedgehogs?
If Humphrey Hunchback had a hundred Hedgehogs,
Where are the hundred Hedgehogs Humphrey Hunchback had?

I i

Inigo Impey itched for an Indian Image:
Did Inigo Impey itch for an Indian Image?
If Inigo Impey itched for an Indian Image,
Where's the Indian Image Inigo Impey itch'd for?

Inigo Impey was craving an Indian Image:
Did Inigo Impey crave an Indian Image?
If Inigo Impey wanted an Indian Image,
Where's the Indian Image that Inigo Impey wanted?

J j

Jumping Jackey jeer'd a Jesting Juggler:
Did Jumping Jackey jeer a Jesting Juggler?
If Jumping Jackey jeer'd a Jesting Juggler,
Where's the Jesting Juggler Jumping Jackey jeer'd?

Jumping Jackey mocked a joking juggler:
Did Jumping Jackey mock a joking juggler?
If Jumping Jackey mocked a joking juggler,
Where's the joking juggler Jumping Jackey mocked?

K k

Kimbo Kemble kicked his Kinsman's Kettle:
Did Kimbo Kemble kick his Kinsman's Kettle?
If Kimbo Kemble kick'd his Kinsman's Kettle,
Where's the Kinsman's Kettle Kimbo Kemble kick'd?

Kimbo Kemble kicked his Kinsman's kettle:
Did Kimbo Kemble kick his Kinsman's kettle?
If Kimbo Kemble kicked his Kinsman's kettle,
Where's the Kinsman's kettle Kimbo Kemble kicked?

L l

Lanky Lawrence lost his Lass and Lobster:
Did Lanky Lawrence lose his Lass and Lobster?
If Lanky Lawrence lost his Lass and Lobster,
Where are the Lass and Lobster Lanky Lawrence lost?

Lanky Lawrence lost his girl and lobster:
Did Lanky Lawrence lose his girl and lobster?
If Lanky Lawrence lost his girl and lobster,
Where are the girl and lobster Lanky Lawrence lost?

M m

Matthew Mendlegs miss'd a mangled Monkey
Did Matthew Mendlegs miss a mangled Monkey?
If Matthew Mendlegs miss'd a mangled Monkey,
Where's the mangled Monkey Matthew Mendlegs miss'd?

Matthew Mendlegs missed a mangled monkey
Did Matthew Mendlegs miss a mangled monkey?
If Matthew Mendlegs missed a mangled monkey,
Where's the mangled monkey Matthew Mendlegs missed?

N n

Neddy Noodle nipp'd his neighbour's Nutmegs;
Did Neddy Noodle nip his neighbour's Nutmegs?
If Neddy Noodle nipp'd his neighbour's Nutmegs,
Where are the neighbour's Nutmegs Neddy Noodle nipp'd?

Neddy Noodle took his neighbor's nutmeg;
Did Neddy Noodle take his neighbor's nutmeg?
If Neddy Noodle took his neighbor's nutmeg,
Where are the neighbor's nutmeg that Neddy Noodle took?

O o

Oliver Oglethorpe ogled an Owl and Oyster:
Did Oliver Oglethorpe ogle an Owl and Oyster?
If Oliver Oglethorpe ogled an Owl and Oyster,
Where are the Owl and Oyster Oliver Oglethorpe ogled?

Oliver Oglethorpe stared at an Owl and Oyster:
Did Oliver Oglethorpe stare at an Owl and Oyster?
If Oliver Oglethorpe stared at an Owl and Oyster,
Where are the Owl and Oyster Oliver Oglethorpe stared at?

P p

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled Peppers:
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled Peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled Peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled Peppers Peter Piper picked?

Peter Piper picked a bunch of pickled peppers:
Did Peter Piper pick a bunch of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a bunch of pickled peppers,
Where's the bunch of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Q q

Quixote Quicksight quiz'd a queerish Quidbox:
Did Quixote Quicksight quiz a queerish Quidbox?
If Quixote Quicksight quiz'd a queerish Quidbox,
Where's the queerish Quidbox Quixote Quicksight quiz'd?

Quixote Quicksight quizzed a strange Quidbox:
Did Quixote Quicksight quizz a strange Quidbox?
If Quixote Quicksight quizzed a strange Quidbox,
Where's the strange Quidbox Quixote Quicksight quizzed?

R r

Rory Rumpus rode a raw-bon'd Race-horse:
Did Rory Rumpus ride a raw-bon'd Race-horse?
If Rory Rumpus rode a raw-bon'd Race-horse,
Where's the raw-bon'd Race-horse Rory Rumpus rode?

Rory Rumpus rode a bare-boned racehorse:
Did Rory Rumpus ride a bare-boned racehorse?
If Rory Rumpus rode a bare-boned racehorse,
Where's the bare-boned racehorse Rory Rumpus rode?

S s

Sammy Smellie smelt a smell of Small-coal:
Did Sammy Smellie smell a smelt of Small-coal?
If Sammy Smellie smelt a smell of Small-coal,
Where's the smell of Small-coal Sammy Smellie smelt?

Sammy Smellie smelled a smell of Small-coal:
Did Sammy Smellie smell a smell of Small-coal?
If Sammy Smellie smelled a smell of Small-coal,
Where's the smell of Small-coal Sammy Smellie smelled?

T t

Tip-toe Tommy turn'd a Turk for Two-pence:
Did Tip-toe Tommy turn a Turk for Two-pence?
If Tip-toe Tommy turn'd a Turk for Two-pence,
Where's the Turk for Two-pence Tip-toe Tommy turn'd?

Tip-toe Tommy became a Turk for two pence:
Did Tip-toe Tommy become a Turk for two pence?
If Tip-toe Tommy became a Turk for two pence,
Where's the Turk for two pence Tip-toe Tommy became?

U u

Uncle's Usher urg'd an ugly Urchin:
Did Uncle's Usher urge an ugly Urchin?
If Uncle's Usher urg'd an ugly Urchin,
Where's the ugly Urchin Uncle's Usher urg'd?

Uncle's Usher urged an ugly kid:
Did Uncle's Usher urge an ugly kid?
If Uncle's Usher urged an ugly kid,
Where's the ugly kid Uncle's Usher urged?

V v

Villiam Veedon vip'd his Vig and Vaistcoat:
Did Villiam Veedon vipe his Vig and Vaistcoat?
If Villiam Veedon vip'd his Vig and Vaistcoat,
Where are the Vig and Vaistcoat Villiam Veedon vip'd?

Villiam Veedon wiped his wig and waistcoat:
Did Villiam Veedon wipe his wig and waistcoat?
If Villiam Veedon wiped his wig and waistcoat,
Where are the wig and waistcoat Villiam Veedon wiped?

W w

Walter Waddle won a Walking Wager:
Did Walter Waddle win a Walking Wager?
If Walter Waddle won a Walking Wager,
Where's the Walking Wager Walter Waddle won?

Walter Waddle won a Walking Bet:
Did Walter Waddle win a Walking Bet?
If Walter Waddle won a Walking Bet,
Where's the Walking Bet Walter Waddle won?

XYZ xyz

X Y and Z have made my brains to crack-o:
X smokes, Y snuffs, and Z chews tobacco;
Yet oft by X Y Z much learning's taught,
But PETER PIPER, beats them all to naught.

X, Y, and Z have made my head spin:
X smokes, Y snuffs, and Z chews tobacco;
Yet often from X, Y, and Z, a lot is learned,
But PETER PIPER outdoes them all.

A HYMN.

I'm not too young for GOD to see:
He knows my name and nature too,
And all day long he looks at me,
And sees my actions through and through.

I'm not too young for God to notice:
He knows my name and who I am,
And all day long, he's watching me,
And sees my actions from every angle.

He listens to the words I say,
And knows the thoughts I have within,
And whether I'm at work or play,
He's sure to see me if I sin.

He hears the things I say,
And understands the thoughts I hold inside,
And whether I'm working or having fun,
He's always there to check on me if I screw up.

Oh! how could children tell a lie,
Or cheat in play, or steal, or fight,
If they remembered GOD was by,
And had them always in his sight!

Oh! how could kids tell a lie,
Or cheat while playing, steal, or fight,
If they remembered that God was near,
And always keeping them visible!

If some good minister is near,
It makes us careful what we do;
And how much more ought we to fear
The LORD who sees us through and through

If a good minister is around,
It makes us mindful of our actions;
And how much more should we be afraid
Of the LORD who sees us fully

Then when I want to do amiss,
However pleasant it may be,
I'll always try to think of this—
I'm not too young for GOD to see!

Then when I want to do something wrong,
No matter how great it may seem,
I'll always try to remember—
I'm not too young for God to notice me!

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